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Welcome to this week 's edition of the Wednesday Hodgepodge , the last one in the month of March if you can believe that ! Thanks for playing along today . . . if you 've answered the questions add your link at the end of my post , then leave a comment for the blogger before you . Here we go - The view here never gets old . Monday evening hubs and I sat on the dock after dinner and it was so quiet and still . The lake was like glass and I thought the cloud reflection was really beautiful . I 'm obsessed with a pretty sky . 2 . Our culture and beauty . . . your thoughts ? I think our culture has a distorted view of what real beauty is . Think about when you feel most beautiful . Do you have to be completely put together or can you feel beautiful hiking in a ball cap ? As much as I love dressing up and especially someone else fixing my hair ! I think its also possible to feel beautiful while looking less than perfect . In my mind , beauty is more about how we feel on the inside than how we look on the outside , although that 's not neccessarily what society tells us . We have to fight ( mostly with ourselves ) against the message promoted in advertising , television , Instagram ! , etc . that only perfection = beauty . I will say it helps a lot to have a spouse who thinks you 're beautiful , even when your hair won 't cooperate or you 're a blubbering mess over something ridiculous . 3 . Age before beauty , beauty queen , beauty mark , beauty sleep . . . which beauty - ful phrase resonates with you today ? Why ? Remember being 20 - something and having the ability to stay up all hours of the night and still look fresh as a daisy the next morning ? Yeah . Your 50 's not so much , which is why I 'm going with beauty sleep . 4 . I read here a list of the top ten beasts that scare us the most - alligators , coyotes , black bears , birds ( but pigeons in particular ) , sharks , bats , bed bugs , rats , rattlesnakes , and the black widow spider . Which ' beast ' on the list scares you the most ? What is the likelihood of you having an actual encounter with that particular beast ? Did a movie contribute to your fear of this creature ? Have you ever had a real life encounter with any of the animals listed ? I 'm going to say bats . I know they eat mosquitos and for that I 'm grateful , but I hate the erratic swooping and dipping thing they do . There 's something about bats that gives me the heebie jeebies . We have bear and coyote here , but they keep their distance . Black bears are amazing creatures and I had one or three lumber through my NJ yard on a regular basis . We have copperheads here , and pretty sure it 's smart to have a healthy fear of copperheads . I haven 't seen one , but they 're here . Hoping I never encounter one up close and personal ! I do swim in the ocean when I 'm vacationing beach side , so I suppose a shark encounter isn 't out of the question , but it 's also highly unlikely . 5 . Where were you when you last heard a bell ring ? Was it alarming or musical ? We have a grandfather clock that chimes on the hour , and no it 's not alarming . 6 . What 's your favorite carb ? How 's that for random ? 8 . Insert your own random thought here . A couple of weeks ago I mentioned I was having two chairs reupholstered . They 're back and I love the change ! Here are some before and after shots for anyone who 's interested in that sort of thing . Here 's a before shot of my recliner . The only photo I could find was covered in Christmas presents and a pile of throws , but I think you can see the plaid in shades of green , red , navy , and gold . The fabric wasn 't awful , but the chair just never felt like it belonged until now . The guest room where the newly covered recliner now sits has navy bedding and a window treatment with some navy in the stripe . It looks like a brand new chair to me . The other chair we had recovered is what we lovingly refer to in our house as the dog 's chair . Our pup claimed the most comfortable seat in the house from day one , and we gave up trying to coax her out of it . This chair was her happy place until the day we had to tell her goodbye . That 's Daughter2 's dog in a blanket on the rug , which is her happy place . I mentioned how the ottoman that went with this club chair disappeared during the move . It went on the truck in NJ but did not come off the truck in SC , and thankfully my upholstery guy here said he could make one . He did an excellent job and I absolutely LOVE this fabric , and the way the chair looks now . It 's a slightly nubby fabric in a blue green shade called sea glass . There 's a little bit of that same color in my rug and also in the window treatments in our master bedroom , although you can 't tell from this photo . It 's nearly impossible to take a photo in this house that accurately portrays color , because of all the light and water and reflection , but still I try . Was reupholstering less expensive than buying new ? Depends on many factors including your personal style ( there are inexpensive chairs out there ) , and especially your fabric selection . This fabric was pricier than the navy , but it was so worth it . Even though you can 't tell from my photo ! SaveSaveSaveSaveSaveSaveSaveSave The Wednesday Hodgepodge is rolling around again , and you 'll find this week 's questions below . Answer on your own blog then hop back here tomorrow to add your link to the party . See you there ! alligators , coyotes , black bears , birds ( but pigeons in particular ) , sharks , bats , bed bugs , rats , rattlesnakes , and the black widow spider . Which ' beast ' on the list scares you the most ? What is the liklihood of you having an actual encounter with that particular beast ? Did a movie contribute to your fear of this creature ? Have you ever had a real life encounter with any of the animals listed ? Let 's begin this Monday morning with a little beauty . That 's Beauty with a capital B . I saw the film on Saturday , and I have some thoughts . I don 't think I 'll spoil anything for those of you who haven 't seen it , because how can you spoil a tale as old as time that everybody already knows ? The film remains true to the original storyline , which in my book is always a good thing . My girls and I were so excited when we heard Disney was doing a live action version of one of our favorite stories . This particular ' video ' was watched again and again in our house back in the day , and I really wanted to see it with my daughters . Sadly it didn 't come out in theatres until the day before Daughter1 had to fly back to WA , so not happening . Thankfully hubs feels all the feels too , about those long ago days of little girls in the house , so he said he 'd take me and that 's how we spent our Saturday afternoon . Beauty and the Beast . I absolutely loved it . Everything about this movie . . . Emma Watson is perfection in the role of Belle . . . the music , the scenery , the casting , everything . . . if you loved the original you will love this version too . I do think children under the age of seven or so would probably enjoy the cartoon version more , since live action is always more sophisticated than a cartoon . Aren 't these the sorts of messages we want our daughters to hear ? ? ? Don 't we all encounter a ' beast ' from time to time ? I know Disney isn 't perfect , but honestly if I hadn 't known about the fuss prior to seeing the film , it would have gone right over my head . It 's only a thing if you want to make it a thing , but of course in America we like to make everything a thing . Hubs and I have been in the new house for about four months now , but we really haven 't gotten to explore too much in the nearby area . Weekends have been filled with other ' stuff ' . . . unpacking - travel - houseguests - holidays - illness . . . you get the idea . Also I 've blabbed about it at least twenty times , maybe more . There 's an abundance of waterfalls in our little corner of the world , and I 'm determined to see them all . A few are better enjoyed by boat , but we can get to those later . We chose something nearby on Saturday and off we went . It 's a steep rocky scramble down to the bottom of the falls , and why do I always get behind a dad toting a baby on his back ? Makes me sweat worse than the hike down . We knew there was an old tunnel nearby that was worth checking out so we asked a couple of people if we could walk from the falls and they looked at us like we were crazy . We drove , but turns out it was less than half a mile and we could have easily walked . Maybe they noticed I was already sweating ( that baby in the backpack y ' all ! ) so they suggested we drive ? Stumphouse Tunnel is cool ! It 's not often you get to walk inside a mountain , and I was glad I had my jacket with me . The temperature drops quite a bit as you go further in . Hubs and all his siblings rocked away in it too when they were small , and I 'm excited for my grandson to rock there like a boss . Also , is this what you picture when you hear the word great - grandma ? Ours are beauties with hearts to match . Second thing next . . . this basket y ' all ! ! I ' borrowed ' this photo from my crafty friend 's FB page because it shows all the goodies so well . A friend of mine in NJ put this together for my daughter , and I think also a little bit for me . I know I loved it every bit as much as my daughter did , and her thoughtfulness meant so much to me . This basket is filled to the brim with adorable little lamb onesies , booties ( those booties ! ! ) , a bath towel with a little lamb hood , a super soft stuffed lamb , and more . Now here 's the thing - this friend did not know our shower had a little lamb theme . Pure happenstance . Our shower was neutral in color since the parents - to - be didn 't learn the baby 's gender until a couple of days before they got here . My daughter received several adorable onesies , sleep sacks , and teeny tiny little outfits as shower gifts , and as she pulled each one out of the bag I thought to myself , neutrals are for boys . The colors are perfect . . . the grays , oatmeals , and soft greens . . . they all say boy to me . Side note - are you ever shocked by how young you look in a photograph ? I was pregnant here with the mama - to - be ! which , I 'm not gonna lie , kind of makes my brain hurt . I 'm exactly the same number of months pregnant at my shower as she was at hers . I remember absolutely loving this dress , which was a hand - me - down from my sister . She had a baby almost exactly one year before my little munchkin was born , so lots of my maternity wear was hand - me - down . Back then we wore great big balloon like tops and dresses as opposed to now when moms - to - be wear clothing that accentuates their baby bump . Baby gear has changed ' just a little ' in thirty years . Did you know there 's now a port - a - crib where you press a button and it pops open and then you press again and it shrinks closed ? Raise your hand if you ever traveled with a port - a - crib and cussed a little at trying to get all the poles in place ? And the strollers ! Hoisting a stroller in and out of the car was an integral part of my daily aerobic workout way back when . Remember how they would sometimes threaten to partially open on you while you were lifting it into the trunk of your vehicle ? Good times ! Not sure why we 're all wearing blue ? We didn 't know the gender , but were all convinced she was a girl . This picture makes me so happy . That 's my baby 's great grandma between my sister and my mama . And that 's my friend on the end . We went to the same uni and our husbands were fraternity brothers . Then a few years went by and we ended up living in the same town and she had my baby shower in her home . Hubs and I loved her baby boy back then , and coincidentally that baby boy and his wife made my friend a grandmother just a few weeks ago . Welcome to this springtime edition of the Wednesday Hodgepodge . It 's nice to be back after a week away . If you 've answered the questions today add your link at the end of my post , then go say hi to your neighbor . Let 's get started - Well the weather has been a bit mad this month . March is always a little cranky , but things are looking more springlike the rest of this week . Also I hosted a baby shower which , in my opinion , is the best kind of March Madness . 2 . What 's a favorite made up word from your childhood or a favorite from your children 's childhood ? Does your family still use the word today ? If there 's a story behind the origin please share . A single word ? We have a whole dictionary of favorites here . I might write about this at a later date , so for now I 'll go with ' steffies ' . This was my Daughter1 's word for barrettes , and we all got on board with it . I had a friend with a daughter named Stefanie . She left barrettes at my house one morning , and I guess when Daughter1 asked ' what 's that ? ' I replied with , ' Oh those are Steffie 's ' and the word stuck . 3 . Will you be doing any spring cleaning now that the season is upon us ? I read here a list of 15 quick ( under one hour ) spring cleaning tasks . They were - I liked this list and especially the idea of doing unpleasant tasks in chunks . We 're in a new house so vents get cleaned regularly ( construction fallout ) , drawers are not yet out of control , and hubs loves to clean that range hood so it is degreased on a regular basis . Of the tasks listed the two that most need doing are tackling the windows and washing baseboards . Both jobs will be done , probably by hubs and I together . 4 . A favorite movie set in Paris or New York ? I 'm not a big Woody Allen fan , but I did love Midnight in Paris . New York is a little harder to pin down , but two favorites would be An Affair to Remember and Saturday Night Fever . I also really liked The Devil Wears Prada which has a bit of both , plus Anne Hathaway 's amazing wardrobe ! 5 . What 's put a spring in your step this month ? I did and I was . Why ? I always loved school and I 've always loved working with children . I 'm good with children and I think it 's nice to work in a field that meshes with your natural God - given bent . I know teaching quite often gets a bad rap , but there are not many professions where you can truly make a difference in someones life the way a teacher can . 7 . What 's your favorite floral scent ? Do you have this somewhere in your home or maybe in a perfume ? How do you feel about florals in food ? How about wines with floral notes - yay or nay ? I 'm kind of funny about floral scents outside of nature . I tend to go for more of the cinnamon , vanilla , and earthy fragrances in my home . Too much floral anything makes me feel a little sick to my stomach and I definitely don 't care for it in perfume . I like dry wines , so typically not a fan of too much floral in my food or my drink . Now if we 're talking actual florals , as in the kind that grow in the ground , then my favorite floral is the lilac , with lavender a close second . 8 . Insert your own random thought here . Happy Spring y ' all ! Here are the questions to this week 's Wednesday Hodgepodge . Answer on your own blog , then run back here tomorrow and add your link to the party . See you there ! 2 . What 's a favorite made up word from your childhood or a favorite from your children 's childhood ? Does your family still use the word today ? If there 's a story behind the origin please share . 3 . Will you be doing any spring cleaning now that the season is upon us ? I read here a list of 15 quick ( under one hour ) spring cleaning tasks . They were - 7 . What 's your favorite floral scent ? Do you have this somewhere in your home or maybe in a perfume ? How do you feel about florals in food ? How about wines with floral notes - yay or nay ? It always takes me a few days to get over the funk I feel when my girls leave . Distance is hard y ' all . I 've had plenty of it in the last ten years , but I tell myself there are still things God must need me to learn or remember because here I am thousands of miles from my Daughter1 trying to get my groove back after a wonderful week of nearly 24 / 7 togetherness . Even my youngest who is only an hour away can make me cry when she pulls out of the driveway and heads for home . I 'm so happy to have independent , faithful , optimistic grown up girls . That 's the goal in parenting , right ? Just checking . If someone wants to tell me otherwise I 'd be okay with that . I fight against the deep down desire I have to keep them in my back pocket because I want my girls to live big and bold . I 've been thinking a little bit about our years overseas , and how I put my babies on airplanes to attend university stateside while we lived on the other side of the pond . About how I had a front row seat to beauty in the making as my daughters grew into their adult selves via the distance . How when I was tempted to wallow in the missing or go for a swim in the worry waters I 'd review my list of simple truths that are ours for the taking and the knowing and the remembering . Daughter1 's baby shower was on Sunday , and I might have had a little too much fun with the planning and the Pinteresting . In my defense she 's a detail girl and relishes all the small touches . Since she didn 't find out the baby 's gender until three days before the shower we kept it neutral . If you saw pics from her wedding you 'll know she loves that natural woodland palette of creams , tans , and greens so keeping it neutral wasn 't hard . The theme was Welcome Little Lamb and there was an abundance of sheep in the decor . I will link to all the Etsy vendors at the bottom of this post because Etsy is pure awesomeness . I put all the food on my kitchen island and served buffet style . A local florist made gorgeous arrangements for the tables in shades of green and white using these precious hobnail vases , and then a larger arrangement for a side table where I set the guest book . Daughter1 loved Are You My Mother from the time she could talk so I knew I wanted to use that for her guest book . She has some sweet messages written by her guests inside the front and back covers . We did the gender reveal first thing , because some of us knew and were worried we 'd spill the beans . I wrapped a big box and tied two blue balloons to a cute little lamb wearing a blue bow , then stuffed them under the big box and Daughter1 just lifted it to set the balloons free . There were tiny baby bottles filled with blue jelly beans as a little prize for everyone who guessed correctly . Course I also had pink balloons and pink jelly beans stashed in my closet since I needed to do it all ahead and didn 't know myself until the night before . It was a lot of fun to see everyone 's reactions . For dessert we had the most fabulous sweet potato cake known to mankind and that 's not an exaggeration . My daughter 's mother - in - law brought the cake from a place in downtown Greenville , famous for this particular sweet treat ( Brick Street Cafe ) . It honestly is one of the best desserts I 've ever eaten , and that 's saying something ! That sparkly gold cake topper is from where else ? Etsy ! and looked so cute atop this gorgeous cake . My Daughter2 has a friend whose sister makes beautifully decorated cookies , so we ordered three dozen in our shower colors and they were absolutely gorgeous . Delicious too ! We played one game after lunch , a simplified version of The Price is Right , then moved on to the gifts . So many lovely thoughtful things purchased for this little boy , but I have another post in mind , and will save gift talk for later . This post is already longer than anybody wants to read . As a take home favor for our guests I 'd ordered wildflower seeds from Bentley Seed Company . They are a regular seed company , but package these specifically for baby showers and across the front there 's a little poem - ' Plant these seeds , and watch them bloom , just like our baby who will be here soon ' . My mom and I packaged them in cello bags with a little green crinkle cut filler , tied with a green ribbon . Happy Friday ! I 'm joining up with April at A . Liz adventures for Five on Friday for the first time today ! Head on over to her blog to join ! Steady . The word makes me think solid , stable , safe . But it also makes me think regular , routine , boring . I suppose it depends on what you pair it with . Fo . . . Whew , had a little bit of the hectic going on the last couple of weeks . Mainly working . I told Honey that about everyone of my clients needed their hair do . . . It 's always a difficult choice . Do I love to read in the summer when on the beach or at the pool ? Or do I really prefer winter reading , with a cozy . . . * I 've been busy . Well , busy for me , sooo . Really . Mom / Nana and I had quite the successful shopping trip yesterday . She can now go on a 3 week road tr . . . 1 . The first day of summer rolls in later this week . What are ten things you 'd put on your list of quintessential summer activities ? Will you try to manage . . . I miss my blog ! I miss posting the many escapades of my family and our new add ons ! I have a new son in law and a new son in law to be ! Hang on , new po . . . " Tell him you 're white ! " As soon as the words came tumbling off my lips , and the sound of them hit my ears , I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand . The . . . I 've mentioned several times that Compassion always tricks you into a hike . Yesterday was no exception . Our group made our way down the hillside adjacent t . . . Hello , dear friends ! Just a quick note to remind you that the weekly Five Minute Friday link - up has moved to its very own home ! Head over to the new si . . . This is what happens when your people won 't let you eat kill any more chickens . You are forced to look wistfully at them , longing for better days . Notice h . . . Hello dear blog friends ! It has been a minute since I 've stopped by here and poured myself some coffee while I sat at this keyboard to chat . I can 't believ . . . Where 'd we leave off last ? Oh , yes , beginning the recovery process of surgery . I think I 'm pretty much out the other side but had to head back to the OR a . . . Happy Friday ! I 'm joining up with April at A . Liz adventures for Five on Friday for the first time today ! Head on over to her blog to join ! 1 . When was the last time you relocated ? Did you move yourself or leave it to the professionals ? Are you happy staying put or is there a move in your fut . . . We spent some time recently in our home away from home . We headed down I - 81 and found our way to The Smokies . This trip was different for us because each o . . . We did it again . We showed up to the orchard in hopes of picking apples in peace , away from the weekend crowds . And guess what ? . This is a picture of a lo . . . Wrote this last week for the North Texas Presbytery . Thought I 'd share it here as well . And speaking if limping , our dog , Scout , tore her ACL chasing squir . . . © Joyce Daley , From This Side of the Pond , 2009 - 2017 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Joyce Daley and From This Side of the Pond with appropriate and specific direction to the original content .
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If there is ever any doubt in your mind that about my dedication to this blog thingy is nothing but 100 % then all I can say is " wish you were here . " It 's 5 : 30 am …… let me say that again ……… it 's 5 : 30am ……… . and having gone to bed at 12 : 30 am just 5 hours ago I sit here …… in my underpants ……… . waiting for a delayed debarkation to start . I am here so early because I am so far behind in answering the comments marked for my reply and so the only way to catch up is to answer a triple load today …… and so without further ado ……… . and after a quick fart ……… . OK , that 's better … . . let us begin ……… . here we go . Oh , how entertaining your blog is ! I read lots of blogs , but I 'll have to admit , yours is the first one I look for every day ! Thanks so much for the service ( and entertainment ) you provide . Now for my question : some of us over at CC , planning for the September 13 cruise on the Conquest , " hear " that there may be a 90 - day customs inspection before this cruise . We are wondering 1 ) is this a " customs " thing or a " Carnival " thing ? 2 ) Is there any way to know whether this is actually going to happen and 3 ) how long will this delay boarding , if any ? Now I am one of those people who believe that any day on a cruise is better than a day at work , but if I were to know that the boarding routine were to be delayed and by how much , I could plan accordingly , and I am sure my friends over at CC would appreciate the same information . Thanks so much for the wonder compliment and I will continue to try and keep writing blogs that both serve and entertain . The only 90 - day check is one for crew only and is something that every ship within the industry has to go through . Each crew member 's immigration status is checked and their passports examined . We just completed one here on the Carnival Freedom and in no way does it affect the debarkation or embarkation process of the guests . I checked with the Carnival Conquest and there is no crew check scheduled for the September 13 cruise . Hope this helps and I wish you and your fellow Cruise Critic members a brilliant time . DH and I were on the northbound Carnival Spirit June 24th sailing . Gotta say … . . We LOVED IT ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! From the ship itself , to the food , the entertainment , food , excursions , food , room steward , food , and did I mention , food . We took your advice and ate at the Supper Club ( now Steakhouse ) one night . OMG , it was everything you described and more . Can 't wait for the next cruise to go back . Chris " Bubba " was outstanding . Especially enjoyed the Blues Brothers tribute . Marc can really shake his " asset " ( if you know what I mean ) . We booked all our excursions online thru Carnival and didn 't have any problems at all . Small issue with the luggage tags for debarkation , but was quickly taken care of by Guest Services . Rained on us practically every day but , after all it is Alaska and it was expected . Did we let it ruin our fun ? No way ! ! Still couldn 't quite bring myself to do the tender to the port . ( Not a fan of trying to go from a moving object going one way to a moving object going the other way ) . Almost forgot … I have a design for a Blogger 's Cruise T - Shirt , but need a way to send it to you . Think one of the Stephanie 's can help me out ? Appreciate it . What a fantastic review of your Carnival Spirit Alaskan adventure and I want to thank you for taking the time to write it . I have just sent your comments to the ship and to the Miami management and I know all of them will be thrilled to read your words of praise . I am sorry the weather didn 't behave but it seems it did nothing to damper your fun . I am so glad you tried the steakhouse and it lived up to all I had said about it . We recently cruised out of Baltimore on the Carnival Pride ( May 09 ) . My wife and I were joined by my parents and my Aunt / Uncle / Cousin . We had a blast ( as always ) . The casino host , Mr . Carlos Lopez , went out of his way to make the cruise even more enjoyable . The personal attention he gave to my mother was amazing and very appreciated . Please pass this along to his superiors as he deserved whatever commendation he can get . My mother is scheduled to cruise on the Pride again departing Baltimore on 15 Nov 09 . She would like to bring a gift to Carlos if he will still be the host . Could you please check on this ? I know you are busy and I understand if you cannot . Thanks so much for this blog thingy . I have only recently found it and I am hooked . You are providing a wonderful start to my day without even charging . Not that I want to give you ideas . Carlo will still be there when your mother cruises again in November and how truly thoughtful that you should want to bring him a gift . It is so brilliant to read that one crew member can make such a difference and thank you again for telling us about him . I hope the blog thingy gives you many more great starts to the morning and I promise it will remain complimentary . On the inaugural sailing of the Carnival Dream , there will be three members of the Colorado Springs reservation center on board . I believe I am the only one who has been lucky enough to have had you as Cruise Director . Although you will not be sailing with us , perhaps you could come by room 6492 on embarkation day to meet some of the folks who help to fill our ships . I am sure you will be anxious to see Heidi and Kye ( by the way I just met a charming young lady from Hawaii with the same name ) but if possible , please stop in for a short visit . It would be an honor to do this and may I kindly ask that you send me a reminder a few days before the cruise . Perhaps we can meet in the Ocean Plaza for a cup of coffee . Anyway , I look forward to seeing you all soon . I would like to know if you 're going to be the CD on Carnival Legend on 10 / 04 / 09 - 10 / 11 / 09 . We have booked this cruise , first and foremost , because your cruise director schedule says it will be you as the CD , and secondly , because we want to cruise to Cozumel . We were on this cruise at the end of May this year but Cozumel was cancelled . We were excited to see you 'd be coming to Tampa to be CD on the Legend . Please tell us your plans haven 't changed and we can count on you being there ? We last sailed with you in the Med in September 2006 on Liberty and have looked forward to the opportunity again ! Are these still your plans ? ? ? ? Yes indeed Jean , I will be the cruise director that cruise , actually it will be my first of only four I will get to do . I have not been on the Carnival Legend since 2002 so I am very excited to be going there again . Please make sure you drop me a note at the guest services desk so I can call you and say hello . Let 's hope you get to see Cozumel this time . I know exactly what you went through with that rude lady about the weight problem . I used to weigh almost 425 lbs and decided I wanted to lose weight . I knew that I could not follow a diet per say , so I just started cutting my portions in half and I did this for about 3 months , then I cut those portions in half again , so now I am eating about 1 / 4th of what I was then and I have lost just over 200 lbs in 13 months . I still eat my meat ; I still have goodies once in a while ( as a treat not a reward ) . People used to be on my arse ( I love that word ) all the time about how my weight was going to kill me , how I was going to get diabetes , blah blah blah . I have come to realize that an overweight person will realize when it is time to lose that excess weight and they will lose it , but to be nagged by other people only makes a person want to eat more . After reading your whole story , all she was interested in was selling her books and items . She did not really care about you ; she was only interested in what could go into her pocket book . I applaud you for keeping your cool , I don 't think I could have been so nice for so long , but I have come to realize that you , my friend have the patience of a Saint . Goodness me … . . you have lost 200 pounds ……… . that is truly incredible . You must have incredible self determination to do this and I congratulate you . I am sorry to say the guest who offered her help was as you said doing so with obvious motives , namely selling her books , etc . The diet is going well and I hope that eventually I can stop the type 2 diabetes tablets . Thank you so much for the kind words of support and for being a true inspiration . I will be sailing on the Carnival Splendor on August 22nd . I also need you to reserve a table for 6 by the window for the three couples in cabin * * * * , * * * * and * * * * . This is our first Carnival cruise and you will have to go a long way to beat Celebrity . I mentioned the other day that I wasn 't going to reply to the e - mails I am still receiving that have been sent to my e - mail address rather than posted on the blog thingy . I received 17 this week alone . However , I decided to post this one only because I love a challenge and ignoring the fact that that I am only one person who is trying to provide the best level of customer care I can lets concentrate on the fact that you think Celebrity are a better all round carrier than us … . right . I will assist you with your table request and all I ask in return is that you weigh up the value for money , the level of fun and service , the entertainment and then give me an honest opinion of who you think comes out on top . I wish you and your friends a terrific time and I also look forward to reading your review . I have a feeling your first Carnival cruise will not be your last . My husband and I will be joining Chris Roberts on the Spirit for the 8 / 19 / 09 cruise . It will be our 10th anniversary and our first vacation without kids or visiting family since our honeymoon ten years ago ! I was wondering what kind of fun , romantic , couple - y type events on the ship might be great for two second honeymooners ( who don 't drink ! ) I am not sure if your saw yesterday 's blog but your comment did get posted and unfortunately it does take a few days before I get to answer it . Anyway , I hope you read it and saw all the ideas on how to make this cruise something very special . If you have any further questions please do not hesitate to contact me . Ok , I don 't want free stuff ; I actually want to offer you the chance to request something . Anything you would like to know about or get a special report on . This will be my second time on the Carnival Inspiration and looking forward to seeing how Skippy does as CD , he was the ACD on my Carnival Spirit cruise in ' 03 and as I recall he was always out and about and high energy . I will give you a full review when I return . Re : Loyalty Program . I agree with an earlier blogger who said maybe adding bonus for longer cruises etc . but don 't change the 10 cruises milestone . I think the people who take short cruises just to get to platinum faster are few and far between . I take whatever cruise I can , and the shorter cruises I am usually solo , so pay a premium for those . This next cruise will be my 6th , three 5 day , one 8 day and two 7 day . I have paid the single penalty 3 times , and also had 2 suites . SO , for me it all comes out in the wash . Re : rude passengers . When I started nursing school I worked at Wal - Mart , and one night I had a particularly rude customer , who at one point stated " the customer is always right " . I replied that " That is true , but there is never an excuse for rudeness . " She thought about it for a moment and then apologized . I tried so hard to get on the Carnival Legend while you are CD , just couldn 't swing it ; I am determined to sail with you one of these days . Thanks for all you do with this blog thingy and the 1001 Stephanies who support your efforts . And , all my best to Heidi and Kye . Hi my name is mike hendrie i will be sailing on the freedom on aug 15th and am looking forward to seeing you in action as i have heard nothing but great reviews from others on this blog and on other message boards . This will be my first cruise in over 10 years and i am taking my mother with me and had a request . eventhough im aware that most people are social butterflies i am not and i would really enjoy my cruise better if i could somehow have a table for 2 ? i dont really have a preference to time or location just as long as i can eat my dinner in peace , i know some will think this isnt the way to enjoy life or i should share my experiences with others but its just not for me . i thank you in advance for any help you can offer me , and please let me know if you need any other information and i look forward to your directed cruise … You asked me to remind you a week before we sailed on our family reunion cruise . We leave on the Fantasy August 8th and our cabins are : ****, * * * * and * * * * . There are 10 of us and we were hoping to all be at the same table for dinner . Please and thank you very much for your help in making this time so very special to us . We will be traveling with mixed emotions . If you remember , unfortunately my mother passed away in April . This was going to be our first family vacation ever . I always told my mother when I was growing up that I would take her on a cruise , and Michelle and I gave the entire family this gift last Christmas . Anyways , the rest of the family will honor Nana 's memory by having the best vacation ever ! ! ! ! ! I have sent this information to the ship and they will do all they can to make sure you and your family are seated together . I do of course remember the sad passing of Mum and I am sure throughout all the fun there will be tinges of sadness and I will be thinking of you . Have a brilliant cruise and please let me know how it was when you get home . I can tell you that at this time I haven 't seen any announcements to add balconies to any other Fantasy class ships but I can tell you that having just sailed on the new Carnival Fantasy I can promise that you will not be disappointed . Myself and the bloggers who cruised with me were thrilled by the ship and her crew . I can also tell you that Mobile is a very important home port for us and who knows ……… who knows what ship or ships we will sail from there in the future . I hope one day soon that your dream of a balcony cruise will soon come true …… the suites on the Carnival Fantasy are superb by the way . After reading the blog thingy . . It appears you may be leaving the ship the day we sail Aug 23 . I am sooo disappointed to read this as we plan this itinerary because you were the CD . We so enjoyed the cruise we did with you back in the late 90 's and have missed you on the past cruise 's we have taken . This will be # 17 with Carnival . We still remember that cruise as the best . Well we hope to see you on board but if not … I know you are missing Kye and Heidi very much . If it 's not too much trouble will you please request for us to have a table for two we are celebrating our 25 wedding anniversary this cruise . Our booking # is * * * * * * Hope to see you soon Gale an Danny I always feel so guilty when I read comments like this because I never want to let anyone down … . . but in this case I am afraid that 's exactly what I am doing . I will be leaving the day you sail to head home to the girls . It would have been great to see you again as it has been a long time . However the good news is that the cruise director will be Wee Jimmy who I promise will provide you with laughs galore . I hope you have a fun cruise and look out for a little gift to say sorry for not being with you . I 'm so glad to see from yesterday 's blog and others that you have not given up your Cigars . In one of your early blogs you said you thought you might be giving them up . A skinny , none smoking John might be just too hard to be around . You know how X smokers cannot stand you if you still smoke and skinny people make me bugger mad . Does that make since bugger mad . I 'm from the USA and all the bugger stuff , imp not to up on . Ok the Question . I Cruise the Western Caribbean a lot . Jamaica , Grand Cayman , Cozumel , Progresso etc . Can you recommend a good place to by Cuban Cigars at one or several of these ports ? Some place that sells the real Cuban Cigars not the fake ones . Also is there any way to tell if they are selling me a real Cuban or just some roll up brown paper made by a guy named Cuba . Thanks for any help in this area . I 'm a travel agent and have 70 people in my group counting myself and my wife headed to the Western Caribbean in Oct 2009 on the Conquest . I also just wrote a article in my travel agency news paper praising Carnival and advising new agents that Carnival is my cruise line of choice and I would recommend they do the same . I try to book all my groups with Carnival . Keep up the good work . I read your blog every day . It helps me make it till the next cruise where I know I will have a bugger great time . Congratulations on using the word " bugger , " I hope it is part of everyday language for many of the bloggers and you seem to have gotten into using it and using it well . I still enjoy a cigar occasionally but not as many as before . I also continue with my diet . I have no intentions of being skinny but do need to lose another pound or 97 . OK , the problem with cigars especially those from Cuba as most of them are as fake as Pamela Anderson 's breasts . Many of the cigar rollers will take the crap that 's left over at the end of the day , roll a few , stick a band on them and call them " premium Cuban cigars . " The most faked cigars are Cohibas , Monte Cristos and Romeo Y Julietas . They look real , feel real but like Pamela Andersen 's breasts ……… . they are hard and taste of chemicals . Cozumel and Jamaica have many shops selling cigars . Most are not fake …… . . pure and simple . The best places to buy cigars that are 100 % real is at a Casa De Habana …… . and the only one of those is in Grand Cayman . It is on the waterfront and owned by a great chap and a true cigar aficionado whose name is Emilio . Buy your cigars from there . Anywhere else there will be a good chance that you will smoke something that tastes like my underwear . I have been looking back at all the pictures of Kye and I just have to say this , she has the prettiest eyes in a baby that I have seen in a long time . I would say they are perfect in every way . When she gets older , she will have a great pair of eyes to flirt with her daddy to get whatever she wants , I can see it coming . She is going to just turn those eyes just right and you are going to melt John . Shawn here you ask me to get back to you closer to my cruise date this year … So I hope this might help you … My Chap & I are sailing the Splendor on the Oct . 18th 2009 Sailing to Baja Mexico Cruise … My Chap will be celebrating his 31st birthday on Monday the 19th of Oct . we are in cabin 7202 Empress Deck and I would like to ask you to do me a favor … help me out to surprise him with a Happy Birthday wish from you on letter head or something please … . he is always getting me or please see that Goose gets the information to say Happy Birthday to him on the cruise … Our booking number is * * * * , This would be a great surprise from me to him to my chap of a friend . I will be honoured to make your chap 's birthday special and I will also see what we can do to have a bit of fun with him as well . I am however going to ask you to send in another reminder as it 's still two months or so away . Why not send in the reminder on October 5 , this way I will be sure to get it and it will be closer to the sailing time . First off , we have just returned from a 5 - day cruise on the Carnival Fantasy on which our son was married on board . Sue ( 20 cruises CCL ) and I ( 19 cruises CCL ) are also stockholders and we enjoy the on board credit we receive each cruise . We traveled in a group of 23 , of which 19 were first time cruisers , GROUP # * * * * * * . I wish we had a dollar for every person we have turned on to cruising with CCL ! HAHA . Karla Mueller - She is our Carnival PVP . She is always there to assist and answer our questions . She was instrumental in getting the wedding cruise organized and a reality . Unfortunately she had to transfer us over to the Groups Dept because of our size . We have dealt with her for years and are very pleased . Suzette - She is the on - shore Wedding Planner for Carnival in New Orleans . She took care of everything ! She made the day stress free and successful . She was very attentive to the details while not being overbearing . She was great ! The wedding was held in the Universe Lounge and the reception was in the Electricity Disco and both venues were perfect and the staff was excellent and took care of everything . Julie - Carnival Fantasy Group Liaison . She was a lifesaver . One of Sue 's shoes broke just prior to the wedding . Julie was there and found some heavy duty glue to repair the shoe immediately thus avoiding what could have been a disaster . Plamena - Formalities Shop . She was able to provide socks to 2 of the groomsmen who had pack their socks in their checked luggage - oops ! She also had shoes on standby for my wife should she have needed them . She also assisted us throughout the entire cruise . Corina - Anytime Dining Hostess . Very efficient ! We LOVE the Anytime Dining option ! ! She took care of seating no matter what size group went to dinner together - groups ranged from 2 , 6 , 8 , and 23 . She always addressed us and the newlyweds by name and cabin # . Jogi was also excellent as our Maitre d in the Celebration Dining room . He was always receptive as we arrived in the dining room and made rounds about our table . Ankur - Photographer . Simply the best ! He put together a group of pictures that everyone is talking about - beautiful . We are very impressed with his work . He took the bride and groom under his wing and made the whole wedding photo experience enjoyable and stress free . The photo package shopping experience was stress free . His personality is great for the job that he has . In addition the wedding video was very well done also . I apologize that I did not remember the videographer 's name . Zoltan - Head Waiter . He is from Hungary and that is where my grandfather immigrated from many years ago . We enjoyed educational information on the homeland and he even gave us a history of the Szush name and old world pronunciation . On top of that , he was also an excellent waiter that took care of everything along with a sense of humor . My 19th cruise and I just learned that I could get mashed potatoes every night in the dining room . Needless to say , we were all pleased that the Carnival Wedding Cruise experience exceeded our expectations . The wedding ceremony was very personable and the vows selected were meaningful and made the day all the more special . Everyone commented on how wonderful the wedding and reception were . By the way , my brother overslept and arrived just prior to the wedding time . He told me that it only took 23 minutes from the time he parked his car till the time he was sitting in the Universe Lounge at the wedding . Upon arrival at the port , he explained to the parking attendant that he was late for a wedding that was about to start . She gave him a ride to the entrance and radioed ahead the situation . He was then escorted to the front of each line and all the way to the ceremony and walked in just as the wedding started . We are forever grateful to everyone involved in this task . My son and his bride were so impressed that wherever they went on board , all of the staff knew that they had been married on the ship . Even the casino dealers knew and throughout the cruise , everywhere they went , they were addressed by their names before showing their Sail and Sign card . One of the girls in the wedding ceremony is engaged and they are seriously considering an onboard wedding in the future also . On top of all the other positives mentioned , my mother , who attended the on board wedding but not the cruise , informed us last evening that she and dad would like to take a cruise in late 2010 for their 60th Wedding Anniversary and re - new their wedding vows ! This is a woman who does not like the water and has always said " NO ! " , when asked to come on a cruise with us . Miracles do happen ! My only question / concern is this . Can Carnival consider providing an option to purchase a CD of all the photos taken without having to spend $ 1500 on the entire photo package ? The wedding photo packages under $ 1500 only allow you to get a CD of the hard copy photos that you purchased . That means that even though we spent over $ 1000 on the Wedding Photo package , we only received a CD with the copies of the 60 pictures that were purchased in hard copy form . There were many more pictures that we could not afford to purchase in hard copy form and thus were not included on the disc provided and lost forever . I understand that CCL needs to make money ( as a stockholder , I am all for that ) . It would just be nice to be able to purchase a disc of ALL the pictures taken for a reasonable additional fee . We are hoping something can be done for the Renewal Wedding Vows Cruise in 2010 . As a stock holder myself I know how important revenue is but as you said $ 1 , 500 does seem a bit high for the photos . I am therefore going to send your thoughts to one of our VP 's and let them analyze your comments and suggestions and I will let you know what they have to say . Maybe we can design three levels of packages and that way we provide our wedding parties with more choice . Anyway , let me send this on and let 's see what they say . I think this maybe one of those times when your posting has reached me after I have already posted the answer ……… . . sorry about that . The Carnival Elation 's new and exciting itinerary will be available for booking from August 17 . I know many have been looking forward to this so I hope this is good news . Stockholders do indeed get an onboard credit and other rewards . If you are interested in obtaining more information on Carnival Corporation stocks and the stockholder benefit here is the address : Well my cold seems to have disapissat …… disapiss …… . it seems to have buggered off which is a good thing as it was beginning to get me down and sap my energy . I am glad you appreciate all the work that writing daily blogs entails and I promise to remain here at your service . Have fun booking the Carnival Elation and my best wishes to you and the family . Hi , John ! As other past guests have already expressed to you on the blog their disagreement about the way Carnival awards points to past guests for 12 or + day cruises , we join them by saying that we feel 100 % the same way . We feel that whenever a guest completes a cruise of 12 or more days , that should be counted as two points and not one point . Would you please bring this subject to the big bosses ' attention ? Other cruise lines do it , so why not Carnival ? We would appreciate it very much . Thanking you in advance for your efforts in our behalf . I have read many comments about the Platinum rewards scheme and I know for many who take back to back cruises and 12 - day or more voyages the feeling is that they should get double points . I will say once again that people like yourself are so massively important to us and that 's why we are currently looking at ways to continue to have the best rewards program in the industry and of course to keep people like your coming home to Carnival . I will have more news on this in the weeks ahead . It was wonderful to have you home with us recently here on the Carnival Freedom and I hope I will see you again soon . This is a combination message , as we 've been away , celebrating ( my own ) John 's birthday in a suitably cheap manner - we 're busy saving for our next " Carnival Experiences " . Because we have to travel from Australia to catch a Carnival ship , it costs us between US $ 4000 and US $ 5000 just to get to the embarkation port and back . Consequently , we don 't travel on long cruises , and we prefer to travel b2b . This year we sailed around South America on the wonderful Splendor - 3 cruises , 49 days . Next year we hope to sail on the Freedom to Alaska , then b2b to Hawaii , then b2b Hawaii to Mexico - another 31 days . Under the current Platinum scheme , that would give us 6 points for a total of 80 days ! Yes , we ARE loyal , but we can 't just hop a 3 - day cruise any time we like ! Maybe there shouldn 't be a point for every day , but somehow 80 days should earn more points than 6 x 3 days = 18 days ! The Behind the Fun tour will indeed be in operation for your cruise in September . I do suggest to you and all the bloggers that you book this as soon as you walk on board . I am talking about it here and its mentioned on the cruise boards but once its announced to the ship many will want to purchase it I am sure …… . . so as the saying goes …… get there early to avoid disappointment . I am glad you mentioned Linda who is indeed a very special lady and one whom always is ready to give to others . I have not touched dry land for some weeks now and I will try this coming cruise . Thanks for the kind words and I will be here should you need any further help . I e - mailed you a couple of months ago about flight times for our trip to Europe . You probably don 't remember as I am sure you get a lot of e - mails . But first I just want to say big congratulations on the birth of your daughter . She is absolutely beautiful . You should be very proud as I am sure that you are . We were on the Liberty with you on the inaugural season and we are sailing on the Dream on the inaugural sailing on 9 / 21 / 09 . I want to book the supper club for six people for four nights but I don 't want to book on the formal nights and I don 't want to book on the night the dining room is serving lobster . My husband really enjoys the food and doesn 't want to miss the really good nights . Do you know where I can see the menus for the cruise so I can book the supper club or can you tell me what nights you think are best to book the supper club ? Also , I am booking tours for all the stops in Europe , is there a favorite of yours that you can tell me about keeping in mind that I have been on this same cruise with you a few years ago . Lastly , I just want to say Thank You for all the work that that you do keeping this sight going , I know that it must take many hours of out of your day . I guess from what I am reading here that you will not be on the inaugural sailing . I am sorry , we will miss you . Thank you again for all you do . Valerie Thanks so much for the kind words of congratulations on our daughter Kye 's arrival into the world . I can 't wait to see what see her and Heidi in two weeks time . Your Carnival Dream inaugural cruise will be very , very special and I wish I could be there with you . To help you decide when to book the steakhouse , here is the itinerary and I have marked the elegant nights as well for you ……… . . here it is ……… . . oh and as requested . I listed my favorite tours for each port . I have been regularly reading your blog as we prepare for our September 26 cruise on the Freedom booking # * * * * * . We have been cruising with Carnival since our honeymoon in 1988 . Our first cruise was on the Carnivale ship . We loved it and have been cruising ever since . We have been on a few sailings with you and have always looked forward to seeing you again each time . So you can guess our disappointment when we saw you are getting off the ship a week before we get on . We always enjoyed your audience participation shows like newly Wed and The Bed Time Story . So … We are traveling on the Freedom the end of September and are looking for little help . We are interested in eating at the Steak house at least one night is there a better night to reserve . Would it be better on a sea day or on a day we were in Port ? Also recently I have seen people talking about requesting a table for two in the dining room . If you could let me know how to request that we would appreciate it . We have main seating dinning . We occasionally have been seated on the main floor of the dining room in the center and have really enjoyed that . The steakhouse here on the Carnival Freedom is simply brilliant and any night is good . However , I would recommend the Tuesday which is right in the middle of the cruise and the perfect way to spend the night after a relaxing day at sea . I would be happy to try and arrange a table for you as requested in the dining room . Please send me a reminder with your names and cabin number 10 days before you sail and I will make it so . I am so glad you had such a fun cruise with Willy and the gang …… . . it was a very special cruise for sure . Unfortunately the bad news is that we don 't keep master copies of each cruise and therefore I can 't get you a DVD of the first nights welcome aboard show … . I hope the memories you have of that will keep you going . I hope also that we get to have more fun together soon on another carnival cruise very soon ……… . . maybe I will show you my Mary bruises I have cruised , and love , Carnival in the past . But it makes me wonder about the impression it 's giving to first time Carnival guests . I have to say , if it were me , I wouldn 't want one of the first impressions of my guests to be that of frustration in just trying to print simple documents . The additional cost of paper docs might be worth the potential loss of revenue if people continue to be so frustrated . And this isn 't the first time me , or other cruisers ( as evidence by many complaints on Cruise Critic ) have had with the website . It seems to me that considering Carnival is in the hospitality industry , and as large of a company it is , they could find someone more suitable to run the website so that it is reliable , runs smoothly and reliably . I understand only too well in the world of internet and technology , there will be some hiccups . But honestly … this is getting ridiculous . I do indeed want people to express their opinions here on the blog thingy ……… I do and I encourage every reader to do the same . I was disappointed to read this and I know there could be others who have the same concerns . ……… . so … . first let me say how sorry I am that trying to print the documents has caused so much frustration and therefore I will try and help . I 've done some checking on this at the highest levels and have been told that the process was designed to be fairly quick and user friendly . We regularly monitor feedback from our users and so far , the majority has indicated it has been a seamless process . In the event you get hung up for whatever reason , we do have a staff of service professionals in the office that support our web site . They can help you navigate the site so that you can print your docs . I know this program is in its early stages and it seems we may have some teething problems . Please give me a little time and I will be back to you all to see what help we can give . Bloggers ……… . . has anyone else encountered problems and if so can you let me know what they are ? John - PLEASE REPLY My husband Harold and I will sail with you on Carnival Freedom Aug 15 / booking 20JH65 / stateroom 8438 . Please see if you can obtain a table for two for us on our confirmed 6PM dining as we celebrate 80 and 85 year birthdays and 57 yr anniversary . Thank you for all you do and hope that cold buggers off soon . I will be traveling on the Carnival Ecstasy on its maiden voyage out of dry dock in October after the Evolutions of Fun makeover . I was wondering if you could tell me who our cruise director was going to be . I know there has to be a linky , a list , a blog , a page , or general thingy that lists them but for the life of me , I can 't find it . I am traveling with my best friend , her mother and aunt . My friend has had a VERY rough year ( health problems , financial problems , family problems , job problems - if it could go wrong , it did for her this year ) and the cruise is to celebrate her turning 30 . We were suppose to cruise in May on her birthday but due to the difficulties of life , we had to change it to the October sailing . She has never sailed and I want to make this cruise special for her . Any ideas ? Congratulations on booking the new Carnival Ecstasy and you will be thrilled by her " extreme makeover . " The cruise director will be the incomparable Steve Cassel who is actually Carnival 's longest serving CD and is a brilliant juggler and … . . Well …… something else but I don 't want to spoil the surprise . I am so sorry to hear about your friend and her tough year . Maybe this cruise will be the start of better things to come and for sure if she attends all the shows and events she will be laughing for sure . Read the Carnival Capers each day and highlight want you want to see and do . Try things you have never done before and do something silly like trying the new mega twister slide … . go on ……… . . that will for sure put a huge smile on her face . I have a question regarding the upgrades to the Fantasy class ships , as well as the adults only areas on the new ships … . I am wondering why it appears as if there are no longer adults only pools , and only hot tubs in the adults only areas ? I might be mistaken about this , but from what I have read , it seems as if the Dream ( which we are booked on for Sept . 2010 ) has this amazing adults only serenity area , yet , there is no pool ? Is there a way to find out why the decision was made to not offer an adults only pool ? You are correct that on every ship we do have adults only whirlpools and you are also correct that we don 't have adults only swimming pools . I guess the simplest way to answer your question as to why not is to say that we are a family cruise line . We carry more children than any other cruise line and therefore we are geared to family resort style pools on our ships . Saying that , the new Serenity decks which will be featured on the Carnival Dream ( and currently on the Carnival Splendor and five Fantasy - class ships ) will give you a chance to get away from it all ……… . . and provide you with a little slice of heaven at sea . I am so glad you have been enjoying the photos of your Carnival Dream and there will be more in a moment . The aft section of the ship is stunning and she has my favorite back end this side of Jennifer Lopez . Your aft balcony will provide you with stunning views and the wrap effect gives that added space that I know will be the icing on the cake . Your stateroom stewards will indeed remove the dividers if you so request . During my next visit I will be taking photos of all the different state rooms . I hope you are excited as this will be one very sensational ship . I have been reading your blog regularly since my 7 / 12 cruise on Freedom . I was thinking …… . since I have learned a new dance on my latest cruise … . maybe I could do my special dance for Ruth & Al at their private dining table that they keep requesting . I would be sure to include extra thrusts just for those 2 . Only problem is I need to know their cruise date & ship …… CAN YOU PLEASE HELP ? Mike …… you were sensational . I know I keep saying that but honestly …… . . you were brilliant and anytime I hear the " V " word I think of you . I will arrange a private dance for Ruth and Al and anyone else who wants to see your sexy groove thing . My friend Tyler is going to cruise aboard the Freedom next voyage or the voyage after . He is very loyal to Carnival and isn 't a kid who spits from the lido . Do you think you could maybe hook his family up with little embarkation gift or something if I get you his information ? He is very nice , and like I said is loyal to Carnival / Of course mate ……… I need his last name or cabin number and when he is sailing mate . Can you send to me ASAP ? Keep writing your blog Jake … . it 's brilliant First of all I just got back from a cruise on the Inspiration . I have been on this ship before with my son Kevin ( his first cruise ) and he wanted to take his father ( my ex - husband ) and his cousin on the same cruise . Needless to say we had a good time even with the cousin and a few Jerry Springer events . All of that aside I would like to say what a wonderful waiter we had on our June 29 , 2009 cruise . His name was Linden . Linden was in charge of two tables of 12 and did a fantastic job . The suggestions he had made every night was wonderful . I cannot say enough good things about this man and his assistant . Now here is the bad thing . I love CARNIVAL to me there is no other cruise company ( I have another one booked for September on the Destiny ) . On the last night in the dining room I had a beef plate ( which I don 't remember what it was called ) as I was eating my food I looked down at my plate and there was something on my plate that looked like a bug ! I picked it off of my plate with a knife and set it on a bread plate . My family asked at that time why I was not eating . I showed them what it was . This was a bug ( fly with its legs still attached ) that was cooked into my food . I tried not to cause a scene at the table and showed it to Linden ( our server ) after a couple of the server 's had seen it phone calls were made . The Manager for Hotel and Beverage came ( Louis ( ? ) ) and went and talked to the chef . About 10 minutes later he had come back and said " The chef said it was a burnt piece of food " at this point I looked at the Manager and said " NO it was not " he continued to say well the " Chef said …… . . " and offered to bring me something else to eat . I declined . What bothered me so much was not only that there was a bug in my food , he was saying me and my table mates were lying ! Our server was so upset by all of this . I am not trying to get anything from the cruise company and I will only cruise on Carnival ! I know how hard the crew works to clean and the inspections they have to pass and things do happen , but I am not a lying about what was in my food . I will be on the Destiny in September and I will not look at my food when I am eating it . The only reason I am telling you this is maybe the personnel can be trained on how to handle something like this a little better . Not everyone is out to get a freebie , but I did not like being lied to . Some day Mr . Heald , I will cruise with you . I have heard nothing but great things about you . I am also a member of Cruise Critic and when someone has a question or a comment they contact you for the truth . Hi everyone . Just a final reminder … Today August 10th is the cutoff date for submitting your information to me if you haven 't done so already for participation in the Blogger events . Email socialnetworking @ carnival . com with your name , sail date , booking number , and cabin number . After today there are no exceptions , you must book with the blogger farecode . Happy sailing . Steph Well that 's another cruise over with and it was one that threw up a few challenges . We had the delay in disembarking guests in Costa Rica …… . we had the boat taking guests on the Panama Canal cruise break down resulting in a one hour delay at departure ……… . . and we were late into Fort Lauderdale this morning . This was caused by having to save someone 's life . It was dark of course but the darkness was soon lit up by the hundreds of flashes from the guest 's cameras watching this poor chap being stretched onto a life boat . Honestly , you would think George Clooney was having rumpy pumpy with Judge Judy in a life boat from the way the guests were snapping away . I just don 't understand it ……… . . OK ……… . . maybe the sight of a United States Coast Guard helicopter overhead is worth taking a photo … but of a seriously ill man … in a stretcher ? …… . unbelievable . I mean , who is going to want to see this ? There you are , sitting at home , showing your friends and family your vacation photos . " Here we are in the Jungles of Costa Rica …… . . oh look at Mum coming down the twister slide and that 's our waiter , he was fantastic …… and look at this , it 's Ketut our stateroom steward and his towel animal …… . . oh WOW … . . look … . these next ten photos are of some man who was sick …… . . we had to take him off in a life boat ………… if you look carefully enough you can see the IV going into his arm . " ………… . I just don 't understand . However , it seems that Murphy had his bloody law had also enjoyed his cruise because the trials and tribulations were not over yet . Last night during the Carnival Legends show the computer that controls the sound in the main theatre suddenly decided it was a bored and needed to piss me off ……… . . so it turned off all the speakers ………… . . except two small ones at the back of the room . So few went from a sound quality to rival any theatre in the world ……… we finished the show with the performers sounding like they were singing through my arse . And as I sit here …… in my underpants … . . at 7 am …… . the sound is still not working . The technicians Shane and Mike have been up all night working on this . Now , what happens is that the bastard computer sends signals to the speakers and … . Ummmm …… they work . There is an FAQ link on the right hand side of the page that should answer most questions guests may have with Edocs . We also provide a help desk that is available to assist our guests with any technical issues that may face and they are available at 1 - 800 - 845 - 2599 M - F 9am EST - 8pm EST . Sat 9am - 6pm EST . OK , here I am . Debarkation finished and I would love to say that it went smoothly …… . . but it didn 't . Unfortunately the delay in arrival meant that it took a bit longer to disembark and Customs and Border Patrol were being extra diligent which of course their job is . This meant they were checking ID 's very carefully and therefore debarkation did not finish until 11 : 10 am . This has embarkation starting later than we would like and that is not the best first impression to the guests joining us today . It is therefore my job to make sure that they know that now they are onboard the fun will begin and I will start that process with my Key West adventure talk in a few minutes . The greatest thing I think about cruising with Carnival is the value … . . pure and simple …… what you pay and what you get is quite sensational . The comfort level is also important as well because when you pay for the cruise you know exactly what you are going to get . Included in the price are the best shows in the industry , amazing food with more variety than ever before ( and you don 't have to pay for a steak ) , the highest level of friendly and fun service , activities and music from the wee small hours to the ummmmm …… wee small hours …… . . towel animals on your bed , no cleaning , no cooking , relaxation , swimming , fun , and more fun . As I said , that 's what I love about Carnival . You know what the extras are … . . drinks ……… shore excursions … . . spa etc . But that 's not the same with other things in life . For example ……… It 's because companies have made it so impossible to find out the actual cost of their damnable products . Honestly , unless you have a beard and like tofu …… . . you are buggered . In ancient times , you didn 't have to worry about broadband because it didn 't exist . But then it did exist , so you had to phone one of about two internet service providers who offered simple contracts at a fixed monthly rate . When they answered they were in the UK not Bombay and all you had to say was " Hello , I 'd like the internet to be put into my computer , " and they 'd say " Fine , that will cost $ 30 a month . " And they 'd put the internet in your computer and you could start looking at Latvian women lying naked on pool tables . Now , it 's impossible to work out how much anything costs . British Telecom is now offering Heidi and I broadband for 8 . 95 pounds a month ( still can 't find the bloody pound sterling sign on the computer ) ………… . . Woo hoo as my friend Mr . Bentley would say ………… . . oh , but hold on …… . . Because that 's only for the first six months . After that , as it mentions in a significantly smaller and less colorful font , it 's 17 . 99 pounds . And you 're locked in to an 18 - month contract . That means the average cost is 14 . 98 pounds . So why doesn 't it just say that ………… Why doesn 't it say that ? …… . . the bastards . I saw a commercial recently where one provider has resorted to animals in their TV commercials to show you the way . If you want unlimited texts , you 're a dolphin ( even though dolphins don 't have thumbs ) . Beavers , as we know , enjoy unlimited calls to landlines and if you go for the premium package of unlimited everythings , you get to be a grizzly bear ………… . what a load of bollocks . But how am I supposed to know whether I 'll need 500 texts a month ? Or 350 anytime minutes ? And then , there 's another worrying variable : you get more minutes / texts / hemorrhoids if you sign up for a longer contract . 20 dolphins get 75 texts on a 12 - month contract but 300 on 24 months . Is that good ? Is that even English ? And if it is , will I need 300 texts a month in two years ' time ? Will we still be texting in two years ? Will cell phones and raspberry 's exist or will we all them implanted in our bottoms ? It 's only a matter of time before you won 't be able to read this blog thingy on a daily basis . We 'll give it to you free for three weeks , then it will be $ 10 a hit for a month , after which our 344 Stephanies will send you a John Heald bobble head if you send us photo of you naked …… . . But only if you don 't have a beard ……… and it 's a Thursday . Disclaimer Thingy © 2017 Carnival Corporation . All Rights Reserved . Hi , I 'm John , and this is my blog . So please don 't mistake my opinions - or those of my dear friends , fans or commenters - for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation . My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you , but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me ………… . . bugger .
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Months before " Little " Sophia passed away , my husband and I saw a decline in Sophia 's walking ability . Some days she was the energizer bunny and would hop up and just walk , and walk , and walk … and walk until she would just plop down and start snoozing . It never failed to entertain us . She would try to go anywhere . The slippery wood floors in our new house were her nemesis … she hated them because she would slip and slide and couldn 't hold her balance . I got her a little runner made of rubber so she could still do laps around the house . I know this sounds crazy but she reminded me of the older ladies that do the " mall walking " . If you are one of those women … please don 't take offense . It 's just an observation . She would put some milage on them old bones … and exercise was very important in the Pommy Mommy house . My husband is a high level fitness professional . Just ask him … Everyday was a miracle for us and Sophia … she did things no human would have the guts to do … and took it in stride . She was literally fearless . So when her health and mobility started to decline my husband refused to let her give up her dignity … she was too proud … and wanted to walk . Damn she wanted to walk . At first we got her a kiddie pool to let walk in safety but she wanted to roam … she would fall down and bark until you picked her up . It was a vicious cycle . That 's when I started bringing her up to my husband 's office … the only carpeted room in the house … and she loved it . While my husband would be working … she was walking , then sleeping . One day my husband was watching Sophia ( as he always did … Sophia was a great distraction from his work ) he noticed that she couldn 't keep her balance like she used to . Her luxating patellas messed with her balance but she over came it as with everything else … this time , not so much . She kept falling and was walking in circles . Not something my husband wanted to see … Little Sophia 's neurological symptoms had taken a turn for the worse . Her age and spinal cord exposure was starting to catch up to her … and us . What to do ? We couldn 't keep letting her walk and fall , walk and fall … it was to devastating to watch an most likely would be harmful to Sophia . So that wasn 't going to happen . Sophia was our Little Princess Warrior … and my husband would never let something like neurological problems , luxating patellas , no balance … and whatever else was going on , stand in the way of " Little " Sophia walking . My husband is literally a lunatic when it came to Sophia … and I think he is McGyver from the 80 's TV show . If there 's a problem , he finds the solution … every single time . Mission defined … and mission accomplished . If you 've ever come to the Pommy Mommy house … the first thing you would notice is how insanely organized it is … people make fun of my husband for how organized the garage is . Everything has it 's place and he know 's exactly where it is . I don 't know where I left my coffee cup three seconds ago … he knows where , when and how I left it . I hate him sometimes … haha . So he got to thinking … All of a sudden I hear him running down the stairs … he 's 225 lbs , so it sounded like a freight train fell down the stairs . I hear the garage door slam and another slam and more freight train … now going up the stairs . Thank goodness our house is built well . I 'm a little frightened to actually know what is going on but in all honesty … I was a little curious . I climb the three floors to my husband 's office to see him bending metal and attaching it to canvas . He then places " Little " Sophia in this perfect fitting harness with handles that allow her to walk around … I can 't even tell you how wide my husband 's smile was because it lit up the room . Sophia was walking and would not stop walking until she was too tired , and as always , fell a sleep . I was questioning whether I should write this or not but it just shows the incredible spirit Little Sophia had . In Sophia 's final hours I was holding her , I held her for 3 days without sleeping … but in between she would fidget and wanted to walk . She would only walk for a couple of minutes … and then wanted to rest . Up until a half hour before she passed , she walked and took her final walk … she was so happy . After she finished her walk she played with my husband , kissed him and let us know she was ready to go … and I held her . Run down the stairs like a lunatic , throw open the garage door so it slams like a truck hit the house … grab a Director 's chair back … and you actually know it 's location … rip off the handles from ( 2 ) 5 gallon buckets from Home Depot . Bend them into a rectangle … then if you are Superman … or just strong like my husband , bend the ends to fit inside the canvas back loops . There you have it … a DIY Pomeranian harness to help your Pom get around . If you want to stop your Pomeranian barking incessantly you need to remember that a Pomeranian 's bark is their voice . Barking is your Poms way of talking to you … it should never be an annoyance . Their bark should be a welcomed communication and interaction with you . Barking is a way to alert you of a potential threat or tell you something is amiss . Just because you don 't see any threat or need for warning doesn 't necessarily mean that your Pomeranian is wrong . Our Yoki barks whenever there is a knock at the door , loud noise or a stranger visiting the house . I personally embrace her barking because it is her voicing her opinion . Understanding where the vocalization is coming from is a great first step in addressing the issue . I may be biased but there is no better student than a Pomeranian . All they want to do is please their Pommy Mommy … really , that 's all . In my opinion there is no reason to train a Pomeranian not to bark … but there are ways to stop your Pomeranian barking incessantly . Stop your Pomeranian barking incessantly . Stop your Pomeranian barking incessantly . Big Dog in a Small Body There are many reasons why your Pomeranian will bark and the most important is to " protect " you . If you are a first time Pommy Mommy you must know that all Pomeranians were breed down from the German Spitz which was an awesome guard dog … which makes your little fur ball an awesome watchdog . They really are " big " dogs in a small body . They are very alert to all of their surroundings and will let you know what 's happening … they should be commended not reprimanded for doing it . Every Pomeranian has delusions of grandeur and you have to understand this … they really do believe they are bigger than they are and will try to protect the humans they love … especially their Pommy Mommy . Stop your Pomeranian barking incessantly . Certain barking is about your Pomeranian 's " self protection " . It is not uncommon to watch a Pom claim their toys and guard them … which is absolutely O . K . . Dogs are not humans and don 't have to share … what 's their 's is their 's and let it be . Just make sure that you let them know that it is alright . If they have issues and bark when you are standing next to them when they eat … don 't stand over them . If your Pomeranian stood over you while you ate … it would be annoying . Let them eat in peace . Every meal should be a calm event , if there is a lot of noise or commotion while they are eating … they will automatically think that there is something wrong . Meal time is quiet time . Stop your Pomeranian barking incessantly . Pomeranian 's get bored very easily . They are very intelligent so they need a lot of stimuli … if you leave them alone for a long while , like all day … they will want to create a ruckus . Think about a teenager couped up in the house all day … they will create as much static as humanly possible . Well , so will your Pomeranian . When you come home , play with them … don 't make dinner , sort the clothes or call your friend … play with your Pomeranian . Socialization is a big part of helping your Pomeranian not bark … if they are socialized properly they will understand that there is no threat when the see other dogs … and you will be bark free . Toys are a huge stimulus and should be used always . Playtime if your Pomeranian plays with them is always a great way to give them the exercise they need . Most rescue Pomeranians don 't play with toys , so it is very important to play in different ways . My baby Yoki doesn 't play with toys … we literally have a house full of them … and she doesn 't care . Every morning when I wake up I play with her in my bed , rubbing her belly , rubbing under her ears , letting her bite me in a playful way … and then allowing her to hump the blankets . At night my husband stands at the foot of the bed and plays with her by rubbing her head , scratching the side of her ears and letting her bite him on the fingers . After she 's done playing she falls right to sleep . Stop your Pomeranian barking incessantly . Stop your Pomeranian barking incessantly . A Crazy Household Too much going on can rouse a Pomeranian 's barking … if there is a crazy energy in the house your Pomeranian will pick up on it and will have fun in the form of barking . Don 't condemn them … pick them up in a calm manner and let them join in the fun . If there is violence or a disturbance , get your Pom out of there to show them that you are the Alpha and you will always protect them … they will then , always trust you . I know this sounds crazy but you need to except that when you come home from a grueling day at work … your Pomeranian is going to bark when you come in . Remember they love you and can 't wait to be with you . The first thing before anything else is to pick up and hug , talk calmly and just love on your Pomeranian and they will know that their Alpha ( Pommy Mommy ) is home … and everything is all right . They may have had a hard day also … loud noises , cars backfiring , kids outside playing … it can wear a Pomeranian down . Stop your Pomeranian barking incessantly . Attention Barking … Stop your Pomeranian barking Most Pomeranians will bark when they need to go to the bathroom but when they see that you are attentive to them when they bark they will try to get your attention by barking for whatever they want … this is where you need to be diligent . If you are certain that they have gone to the bathroom and everything else is safe and sound , then … you need to ignore your furry baby . I know , it sounds counter intuitive but if you respect your sanity and love your furry baby , creating boundaries is a very important part of being an awesome Pommy Mommy . Stop your Pomeranian Barking Make sure that your Pom has plenty of water . Dehydration is a problem with these little ones and they will bark to tell you about how thirsty they are . If they refuse to sleep make sure that there is a treat or two available and toys if they like them . After a while they will try to mimic your sleep patterns but you can 't give in to their playful wantings … I know it 's hard , but don 't . Stop your Pomeranian barking incessantly . Living in Cincinnati all my young life I was immune to sirens … and living in New Jersey , New York and Cincinnati my husband was very immune to sirens and every noise known to man . This doesn 't immune your Pomeranian from these noises and they will bark . This barking is called " disturbance barking " … the reason is because your Pomeranian is most likely , highly disturbed ! Dogs and specifically your Pomeranian 's hearing is very sensitive … so think about it , if I set off a siren right next to your ears and kept it there … you would probably be a little aggravated . That 's exactly how your Pomeranian feels . So the best way to stop their barking is to speak to them in a calm assertive voice … speaking directly to them , saying that it is all right … not yelling , because it will give them alarm but speaking to them in a matter of fact way as the Alpha helping them know that everything will be alright . When they stop barking , praise them and give them a treat . Stop your Pomeranian barking incessantly . Stop your Pomeranian barking incessantly . Stop your Pomeranian barking incessantly . How to stop your Pomeranian barking incessantly was last modified : June 4th , 2017 by Pommy Mommy 41 comments When you tell someone that you have a Pomeranian the first thing that comes to their mind is " Oh , that 's the kind of dog that barks a lot right ? " haha little do the " outsiders " know that Pomeranians usually only bark when there is something to bark at . A healthy Pomeranian should not bark without having a reason . We have a special little " barker " at the Pommy Mommy house named Yoki ! Upon rescuing my Pomeranian Yoki I found out she was shy , timid , squeamish , and just a scared little Pommy . For the past three years I have been doing daily therapy with her , helping her come out of her " puppy mill " shell . Yoki was in a cage her entire life with hundreds of other puppies until I rescued her . This kind of disturbing atmosphere can leave a harmful impression on anyone , let alone a little Pommy puppy . Her nervous behavior especially comes out when we have house guests over . There is nonstop barking that goes on with Yoki … It 's ear - wrenching . It 's a nonstop high pitched squealing bark / scream . Living in Las Vegas we have several house guests that come to stay with us . The entire time our guests are over she will bark unless I hold her . Her barking was at the point that Yoki was stressing herself out and disturbing our peace of mind . I knew that this wasn 't a normal kind of bark . We could have a house guest stay for a week and every time she saw them it was like she thought they were an intruder ( coming to kidnap me … or something horrible . ) I was at the end of my rope , not knowing what else to do I contacted Cricket , my Behavior Adjustment Trainer . She has worked " miracles " with Yoki in the past when I first rescued her . Teaching me how to bring her out of her shell more and more every day , this woman is amazing . As you know I love using natural remedies and I did major research on how to calm and comfort an uneasy dog . I discovered two products that I just had to try . Cricket recommended these products and also gave me some very useful tips on what to do when people come over . Cricket suggested to avoid all contact with house guests as it is too much for Yoki to handle . I put Yoki in the bedroom . ( This is the spot where she LOVES to be and feels comfortable . ) It worked great . She recommended if your dog has a kennel or crate that they enjoy being in , that will be a good spot for them to go , as long as it 's away from the house guests . I put Yoki in the bedroom for up to 45 minutes . This was enough time for me to cook breakfast / dinner for the house guests . I 'm sure I could have left her longer without her barking , but I didn 't want to leave her for longer than necessary . It 's sorta looks like the wall flowers that bath and body works makes . The difference is the DAP diffuser does not make your home smell like yummy flowers , but it puts pheromones in the air to comfort your Pomeranian . This is also a great product to use if your Pomeranian stresses out when you leave the house . This diffuser worked great in the bedroom to comfort and keep Yoki calm when house guests are over . They cover up to 500 sf , usually around $ 25 . 00 and last up to 4 weeks . Bach Rescue Remedy for Animals . Wow ! This is like " magic potion " in a tiny bottle ! I purchased the dropper , because I figured that would be the easiest way to distribute the essence . 4 tiny drops on a treat and Yoki ate it right up ! She actually loves it so much now , she 'll lick it right off my finger . I give the rescue remedy to her about 15 - 20 minutes before guests arrive and after they leave . Instead of running around and crying , Yoki is calm , relaxed and cuddling up in her blanket . Cricket said it 's not about how much you give , but how often . The drops can be diluted in water and the water drops can be given with the same effect . Diluting the drops can also be more cost effective . I stay with Yoki in the room for a few minutes rubbing her back , and she 's so happy and calm . I found this at Whole Foods , Amazon . com and other health food stores . It 's $ 10 - $ 20 . 00 depending on what size you purchase . Calming Music My trainer Cricket suggested that I put on calming music when Yoki is up in the bedroom . Loud enough to block some conversation . She suggested a soundtrack ( that you can downloaded from Amazon ) called " Through a Dogs Ear " It 's an hour of calming classical music . I also have Pandora linked up in the master bedroom so I put on a " Spa Music " station . The SPA station worked really well for her . I now tell Yoki that she is going up to her " Pommy Spa " when people come over . For me and Yoki , it 's been a journey . I 've been consistent with using these products and finding a routine that works for her . There are several natural remedy 's for dogs on the market . Find what works best for your Pomeranian . With dedication and patience Yoki has become a much calmer and happier Pommy ! Okay here it is , the article that you 've been waiting for . Learn how to teach your Pomeranian to use the Potty Bells to go outside and go potty ! Jennifer , Pommy Mommy of Prada and Lucia is back to give us a tutorial to teach us how to use the potty bells . This is the article that I read and I used to train Mika how to ring the bell . Mika is 10 years old and learned how to ring the bell in less than a week ! This article is amazing and it really works ! I encourage you to give it a try if you 're looking for a good way for you Pommy to let you know they need to go ! I taught Prada to ring bell from the first day she was home at 7 weeks old but any dog can learn it at any age you just have to be consistent ! Get a bell and hang it from the door handle that you want your dog to use to potty outside . We have one on the front door AND the back door depending where we are in our shotgun house . Make sure the ribbon or string is long enough that your pup can get up on their back legs and touch it with their front paws or even touch it with their nose . When you go to let your pup out , say " Outside " or " potty outside " ( or whatever you say to your dog for outside ! ) and show them the bell & them ring it for them . Don 't get all crazy Salvation Army Santa - at - Christmas ringing , but a quick ring that gets their attention where they can hear you saying " outside . " With a pup as little as Prada , I went to the pet store and got one of those green rubber " balls " with the holes in them for birds where the birds can peck into the openings and ring the bell . It worked out great because the bell was the perfect size AND she loved the ball to play with after ! The second bell I got from a wedding I went to where we rang the tiny little bell for the bride & groom instead of throwing rice , so you don 't need to spend a lot of money . We 've actually " lost " our bells and now I have Mardi Gras beads hanging on one door and a piece of a belt from my luggage with the buckle part down at the bottom that makes a " bell - like " noise when she rings it . The tiny bell can work for any dog - Prada used to have a 95lb Boxer friend that learned from Prada about the bell and he just walks up to the bell and touches it with his nose . Prada has to get on her back legs to reach it . When she REALLY has to go outside she will get a head start from across the room & haul tail at the door , ninja herself at the door & hit the bell with all four paws ! THEN I KNOW she has to go NOW ! bell & ring it & say " Good girl ! ( boy ! ) Potty OUTSIDE ! " and then open the door and let them potty outside . . Do this with their paw EVERY TIME YOU LET THEM OUT . Occasionally walk over to the door yourself and shake on the ribbon to ring the bell , look at your dog and say " Potty outside ? Come on ! " and MAKE them go outside and if you can make them potty that 's even better . The key is consistency and just repeating the action over and over and not giving up or letting one potty break go by without ringing the bell . Just keep at it and before you know it , one day you 'll be sitting on the couch watching TV & you 'll hear the bell ring & see your pup standing by the door ! ! ! For the first couple of months she was ringing the bell LIKE CRAZY because she wanted to go play outside and associated the bell with OUTSIDE - not that it was ONLY to go outside to potty , NOT to play ! ! ! That was pretty frustrating and while we were THRILLED she was using the bell it was difficult to break her of that habit . Inevitably if she rang the bell and we DIDN ' T let her out because we thought she just wanted to play she would pee on the floor ! And then if we 'd let her out she 'd stand there and eat stuff , chase birds or lay down in the sun . We ended up letting her out every time and if she didn 't potty or look like she was sniffing around and wanting to potty within a minute or so we 'd bring her back inside and not give her a treat . Also , make sure that when they are going potty outside you are telling them " Potty OUTSIDE ! Good girl / boy ! " and keep a treat on you so as soon as they 're done going immediately give them the treat in the yard and say " Potty outside ! Yes ! ! Good ! ! " that way they associate their " going " with the words " potty outside " and you 're reinforcing that with an immediate treat . We thought about litter box training her but decided to use the bell that way when we go places we bring the bell and we put the bell on the door knob & bring her to the door , ring the bell & say , " Prada , potty outside ! " and she 's been doing it for so many years she know what it means . Once she learned it it translated to other locations pretty fluidly . If you 're still starting out the training , you might want to ring the bell , say " potty outside " and then let your pup out to make sure they know what door to go . Poms are kinda " vocal " too which is another reason I chose this way so that 's one less thing she has to bark about ! ! ! Hahaha ! 😀 I 'm so glad I trained her with the bell and since then Prada has " taught " a half dozen or so dogs to ring the bell . Usually the pup will stay with us any time from a couple of days to about two weeks and their success rate at their home always relies on the consistency and positive reinforcement of their owners . It 's a full - time thing for a few days or a few weeks but I PROMISE IT IS WORTH IT ! ! ! When you consider how many years you will have your dog , a couple of weeks or a month is NOTHING in time when you know that for 10 - 15 years your dog will be ringing the bell to go outside . Prada has gotten to a point that if we go somewhere and if we get there and I forget to immediately hang the bell , she will go to the door and jump on the door even with no bell there . She doesn 't bark or growl , she knows that 's what she 's supposed to do . Pomeranians are a very active breed and tend to get dirty and that means getting their stuff dirty ? Here are some tips on the best way to clean pomeranian bedding . If your Pomeranian is anything like the three of my girls they have multiple beds ! ( More like a bed in ALMOST every room of the house ! ) My Pomeranians love their beds and most every bed in the Pommy Mommy home is different . Today I 'm talking about the correct and safe way to clean Pomeranian bedding . So roll up your sleeves and pass the soap ! It 's time to clean up ! On the main floor off the kitchen , I have 2 blankets folded in half on top of each other . The girls like to lay on them to keep an eye on me when I 'm cooking . To clean blankets , it 's as simple as laundering the materials in a washing machine . It is best to use hot water and a mild detergent soap to help kill any insect eggs that may be harboring amongst the bedding . It is preferable to line dry in natural sunlight . Foam beds take a little more effort to clean . Start by removing the fabric covering . Wash it in a machine using detergent and cold water so that the cover does not shrink . Hang it outside to dry . ( Natural sunlight is best ) While the washing machine is running , fill a tub ( if you don 't have a mud room sink , bathtubs work well ) about half way with warm water . Add a small scoop of laundry detergent / liquid to the water . Place the foam in the tub and work the soapy water into it with your hands . Don 't use a brush because it will destroy the foam . ( You don 't want foamy pieces all over your bathroom ! ) Time to rinse ! Once you are satisfied that the foam is clean , empty the wash water and refill the tub with clean water . Use your hands to work the clean water into the foam for a thorough rinse . You may have to squeeze the foam a few times in order to remove all of the soap . ( Using rubber gloves will help protect your hands from pruning ! ) The rinsing is done when there are no more signs of soapsuds . Take the foam outdoors and place it in the sun to dry . Clean Pomeranian Bedding As I say farewell to the last day day of July there is something that I 'm looking forward to starting up again on the first day of August ! A few months back I found an Australian blog called fatmumslim . com I was hooked almost instantly ! Among her many blog topics she puts together a list of different items that you can take a photo of everyday . She puts together a new list of different items every month . Along with taking a picture , many followers also post the picture they took on Instagram . Instagram is an app that you can access on an iPad or iPhone … anything that you can download the Instagram app on . It 's a place where you can share photos with other like minded people . Once you 've uploaded the photo you can tag it by using the # key followed by # photoadayaug so other followers can see the photo you took ! Enough with the tutorial ! 🙂 If you have questions on how to work Instagram let me know below in the comment section . I 'll be happy to help ! I started to do a " Photo - A - Day " picture with the Pomeranians in May . The pictures in the blog are a few that I took in May . The girls and I had so much fun coming up with different pictures to take for the day ! It really brings out the creative side in you ! I got so into the photo - a - day I would find myself at the store buying sidewalk chalk or blow up swimming pools ! Other days the girls would just pose all on their own and it made the perfect picture ! Out of all the girls , Maggie was the easiest to pose , she can sit , stay , and follow directions very well . Yoki just sorta darted in and out of pictures ! It was a bit of a challenge to snap a picture of her ! And Miss Sophia was a natural at looking cute ! With a little tilt of a head and her pink tongue hanging out she was easy to photograph !
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+ I liked it . It was very interesting & a nice twist on the dragon theme . Actually , dragons are NOT actually a huge part of the book , more of the presence & influence of them . A big part of the book was how men were the strong ones , and women were weak & they couldn 't do anything , and how Eon ( later Eona ) is changing peoples opinions about it . A critique is that I felt like the author looked at some subjects too much , and some too little . Favorite character : Lady Dela . Least favorite : Uygo . + + I hate this book because it was boring . My least favorite character was Hal . I think people might enjoy this book if they like a boy who becomes a skandran warrior . + First I felt this book was boring but the more pages I read , it made me read the book . My favorite character was Han . Someone gave him an amulet that could be dangerous to destroy all the kingdoms . I would say that anyone should read it because it was interesting , but I thought this book was okay and wasn 't so boring like the rest of the books . First I felt this book was boring but the more pages I read , it made me read the book . My favorite character was Han . Someone gave him an amulet that could be dangerous to destroy all the kingdoms . I would say that anyone should read it because it was interesting , but I thought this book was okay and wasn 't so boring like the rest of the books . Revision as of 15 : 12 , 16 August 2013 Ratings are on a scale of 1 to 5 , with 5 being the best . Newest reviews appear at the top of the list for each star rating . Contents I loved it because it was an awesome book . My favorite character was Max . She was a cool , loyal , deadly and funny character . I think anyone should read this book regardless of their age . It was worth reading and was filled with pace , action , mystery , and cools . This is a great book because it 's an action and adventure based story which is the kind of books I like to read . My favorite character is Alex Rider because he 's very smart in tight situations . People who are just like me who like action and adventure would like reading this book . If you want it in full detail then you should read the chapter book first . Review by Anfaz , grade 7 Point Blank is a great book because it has a bunch of action and adventure . My favorite character is Alex Rider because when it comes to scary and tight situations he always knows what to do . Teens who are just like who like action and adventure books would enjoy this book . Review by Anfaz , grade 7 I have always enjoyed Cassandra Clare 's books . They are books I would love to live in . Her novels are so well written that sometimes when I am reading them I forget where I am . This is her second series and it closely relates to her first series , the Mortal Instruments , except for the fact that it takes place in London in the 18th century . This is the first book in the series and there are two others : The Clockwork Prince and The Clockwork Princess . I highly recommend reading this book / series and reading more of Cassandra Clare , but make sure you get parental permission because she is a bit of an intimate writer at times , in both series . Words of Stone is an emotional book about Blaze and Joselle . Blaze and Joselle are in the summer after 5th grade . Blaze 's mother died when he was 5 . Joselle 's father left them before she was born . They meet and become friends . But Joselle hides everything and is cruel . Blaze 's dad has a new girlfriend . Everything is askew ! What happens ? Can you imagine living in a world where everyone - including you - believed love was a disease ? This is Lena 's world … until she meets Alex . Lena realizes that the government has been lying to everyone . Escaping before it 's too late sounds like a good idea now . Cinder , by Marissa Meyer , has a great twist on Cinderella , one of the oldest fairytales by the Grimm Brothers . Cinder is a robot who is the key to saving the lives of millions of people and bringing an evil kingdom down . In this story you learn everything is not as it seems . The Selection , by Kiera Cass , is one of the best books I 've read other than Catching Fire . Reading this book has your eyes and hands captivated to keep on reading . Turning the pages becomes automatic . There 's romance , suspense , and even some action ! The Selection has heartbreak but it has a great ending ! Read the next book , The Elite , too ! I love Babymouse because she daydreams about a topic she hears . She thinks she can do something but she can 't . My least favorite character is Felicia . She 's the popular one in school , and makes Babymouse look bad , but sometimes Babymouse can outwit Felicia . I would think Babymouse would be a good book for people that like comics . I LOVE this book ! It took me a while to get into it since I thought it was a " flat book " ( my term for not very funny books since I lean towards witty books ) at first , but I was proved wrong by the dry yet witty humor . I also thought it would be a zombie tale because of the back , but it wasn 't . It 's an epic survival tale of things that go bump in the night ! When I read this book , I stayed up all night until I finished it . I actually wrote a little fan fiction about Tris and Tobi ( aka Four ) . Anyways , you see Tris in the beginning as a girl from Abnegation . Abnegation is where you put others before yourself . And she really doesn 't like that lifestyle , but she doesn 't hate it either , so she sticks with it . So when choosing day arrives ( the day where you choose any other functions to live in , including you own . The others are Dauntless ( bravery ) , Amity ( peace ) , Candor ( honesty ) , and Erudite ( intelligence ) . ) , she chooses Dauntless because she feels oddly draw to it . So you follow this initiation process that is so hardcore , it leaves you breathless . Plus , some mystery and romance gives it a nice touch . A great read . Review by Jessica , grade 8 Divergent 's sequel left me wanting more ( Allegiant is coming out soon ! ) . This was another up all night read . This book goes deep into the Amity culture and reveals the plan that was that was so fishy in the first book , about how Euridite was releasing claims about how Marcus was treating his son , Tobias ( aka Four ) . What is that about ? How does that have to do with Tris ' mom ? One choice can destroy you . Review by Jessica , grade 8 OMG ! The Clique was a suspenseful , dramatic , realistic fiction about Massie , Kristen , Alicia , and Dylan . They have a " clique " , the most popular clique in school . Then Claire movies into Massie 's , the head of the clique 's , house . Her world is turned upside down ! THIS BOOK ROCKED ! ! ! The Duff brings up many self - esteem issues that go through the minds of teenage girls . I think my favorite character is Wesley , the playboy ! Though Bianca constantly disses him , he still is kind ; even with his own problems to deal with . Things like loneliness , a broken family , and parents who are never around . This is definitely a more mature teen book ( 14 + ) . Review by Taylor , grade 10 I loved this book because it is a great continuation of the 39 Clues series . My favorite character is Dan because he likes to solve puzzels . I think people who like the 39 Clues series would like this book ( 9 - 14 ) . I loved this book because of the interesting storyline and the series . My favorite character is Dan because he has a photographic memory . People who like the series would like this book . Ages ( 9 - 14 ) . I loved the CD very much ! The pop sound is very on point with what they say it is . I like it just as much or even more than the first CD called Up All Night . The best song in my opinion is I Would or She 's not afraid . One of my least favorites was Rock me it was more hardcore than the other songs but just a little bit less of a good song than the others . It 's definitely a bubble gum pop maybe a bit of rockish pop . I think teenage girls 11 - 17 would like this CD . I love it a lot and so do some of my friends my age . I loved this book because its plot was suspenseful . Also I liked the adventure and fighting . My least favorite character was Jeb because he was a mean mad scientist . My favorite character was Maximum Ride . She was leader of her group and trying to save the world . Also she is a bird mutant . I think people who love to read suspenseful , sci - fantasy or adventure books , should read this book . I couldn 't put this book down ! Bad Island is a great graphic novel because it shows a disagreeing family who takes an adventure and starts acting like a real family instead of enemies . My favorite character is Reese because he 's the athletic type who likes to be alone sometimes . This would be a good book for people who like action and adventure . I loved this book because of all the action . My favorite character is Jonah because basically he gets what he wants . I think people who like the 39 Clues series would like this book ( 9 - 14 ) . Ella Enchanted is one of my all time favorite books . My friend gave it to me and said that she had read her copy so many times the binding broke . I have already read it about ten times . This is a wonderful book for all ages about a girl who is cursed with obedience . And AMAZING story for sure ! Storm Thief is a very good book . It 's full of action and adventure . Also , some fantasy . My favorite character would probably be Rail because he is determined and loves adventure . I would recommend this book to anybody who likes the Ranger 's Apprentice series or just loves action and adventure . I really liked this book because it is showing really hard work . They trying really hard to earn money . You will have to read the rest to find out what happens between this brother and sister war ! I really liked this book ! It was full of adventure and a little bit of mystery . Doon and Lina are the main characters that go on an amazing and exciting adventure trying to escape the city because soon the city lights are going to go out forever ! This book is good if you like adventure . First of all , I liked this book because every page I read was full of suspense . It wasn 't a boring book . My favorite character was Lady America and my least favorite character was Prince Maxon . It 's a young adult book . If you like to read fantasy stories and romance stories you should read it . " All who accept this challenge to the 39 clues will receive a clue that might lead you to the most important treasure in the world and make you powerful beyond belief or it might kill you . " ( page 20 ) . I loved this book because of the great idea Rick Riordan had to make a quest for 39 clues . I loved the way he incorporated historical facts with a modern day quest . My favorite character was Dan Cahill because he has a photographic memory . I think it would be cool for you to just look at something and memorize it quickly . I think kids from ages 9 - 14 would like this book . The race continues to find the 39 clues that safeguard a great power , and 14 year old Amy Cahill and her younger 11 year old brother Dan are shocked to find themselves in the lead . I loved this book because the clues revolve around a different historical figure this time it was Mozart . I enjoyed learning about Mozart 's life , and visiting museums and famous cities where Mozart preformed . My favorite character was Dan because he likes anagrams and puzzles just like me . I think people who liked the Maze of Bones would like this book . The Sword Thief was another good clue hunt . I was surprised that Amy & Dan teamed up with Uncle Allistair and then added Ian & Natalie to find the 3rd clue . I liked this book because of the way it was written . I just couldn 't put the book down . My favorite character was Dan because he loves math and is good at it just like me . People who liked book # 1 and # 2 would love this book . I loved this book because I could never put it down . I read it everyday . My favorite character was Amy because she can see the big picture . I think people who like the rest of the series and kids in middle school would like this book . I LOVED this book because of it 's inspiring story . though it isn 't action packed I think it 's a page turner . The story was about love , friendships , trust and hope during an immense change in a girl 's life . OF all the books I 've read in all eleven years of my life Paint the Wind is my favorite . Review by Mekenzie , grade 5 First of all , I loved this book because I wondered what happened to Alianne . My favorite character was Alianne because she was a brave spymaster . My least favorite character was Sarai because she was beauty but annoying character . I think people who are interested with fantasy , violence , and monarchy should read this book . Review by Lynn , grade 11 The Selection by Kiera Cass I loved it because the last time I read book 2 , I adored it . However , I didn 't know there was book 1 , so I read it . My favorite character is Lady America because she was a nice and shy lady . My least favorite character is Prince Mason . I didn 't like his personality and his background . I think people who like reading fantasy and young adult books . Also people should read it because every page I read was filled with suspense . Review by Lynn , grade 11 Some of my friends had me get this from the library , they talked about it so much that I just had to check it out . And I am so happy that I did . Cass had me hooked from the very first paragraph . I stayed up until midnight reading this and as soon as I finished it I bought the second one on my nook . THE SELECTION is a beautiful written book that I am going to read over and over again until I get so sick of it I put it in a box and put it in my closet until I go to college . The thing I loved most about this book was hearing about all of the outfits the Selected got to wear to all of the events . It made me wish I liked there even though they have a caste system worst ( and in some ways better ) than the one they used to have in India . In this novel all of the gowns that the young ladies wore were hand sewn by each of the Selected personal maids . If someone asked who my favorite character was I would have to say America because she is so independent and so opinionated . I feel that is the way all women should be , well most anyway . I like how she talks the Prince Maxon sometimes , she treats him as an equal not like a One ( the highest caste . ) You see more of this personality in the second book , which I loved . The thrilling squeal to Wither , main character Rhine continues on her journey to find her brother and reach her home back in Manhattan . Rhine and her friend / lover Gabriel trek up the East Coast of a futuristic America . But while they get closer and closer to their goal , Rhine gets more and more sick . Dangerously high fevers and ultra severe flu symptoms show up but there is no cure until . . . one day , her old enemy shows up on her doorstep when she is at her weakest point ! What happens to Rhine ? Does she find her brother ? Read this fast paced adventure to discover her journey . Cactus aka Yamada - San asked out Fujioka - Kun , but was rejected . Then a snobby rich prep student comes in and makes a scene ! Fujioka - Kun is not happy . Yamada - San bumps into an old friend of Fujioka - Kun 's . Things get crazy ! The rich boy fed up with Fujioka - Kun . He makes a plan to get Fujioka - Kun expelled , and it works . Yamada - San pleads for the rich boy to let Fujioka - Kun back in school ! So , to prove the rich boy 's love , he let 's him back ! But who knows what they will do ! ? I love this series ! It 's 1 of my favorite series and this book was 1 of my favorite book in the series . I like how Harry found this connection to Voldemort even though it lead to Someone 's death . I also like the connection because it shows he 's actually 1 of the few people who can defeat him . My favorite character was Harry mainly because he 's the person the series is about . I LOVE HARRY POTTER ! ! ! Review by Lipi , grade 7 If you 're reading this it 's too late is an exciting book written by Pseudonymous Bosch . It 's a thrilling novel mixed with humor and suspense . My favorite character is the Homurculus . It is a small creature that is grumpy and has a humorous but bad attitude . My least favorite character is Mr . L . He is a evil man determined to have a young life forever . He goes to extrmeme ways . People in middle and elementary school will enjoy this book . Especially people who enjoy thrills . Out of My Mind is a wonderful book for all ages . The main character , Melody , is disabled and I love stories that show people doing something unthinkable . My favorite character was Melody because of her personality , and my least favorite characters were Rose and Claire . Rose seemed nice , but then let Melody down , and Claire was just plain mean all the time . I think that this is an excellent book and that everyone should read it . Project Sweet Life is an amazing book because it 's so interesting how these 15 year old boys will do anything to make easy money without getting a summer job . My favorite character is Dave because towards the end of the book he uses his brains in a smart way to solve the mystery . I recommend this book to teens who are willing to make money without having a summer job . I liked Ben Hur because of the journey of Ben Hur had . He was a prince and their paddling boats in Roman ships and then being a chariot race winner . My favorite character was Ben Hur because he is smart and determined . I think people who are 12 and up . I loved this book because of the suspense and action . My favorite character was Dan because he proves if you try your hardest you can achieve . I think people who like the first 4 books will like the book . Also , people from ages 9 - 14 would like this book . I loved this book because of the creative writing by Jude Watson . My favorite character was Dan because of his creative and imaginative thinking . I think people who like the first 5 books will like this book . Also , people from ages 9 - 14 would love this book . I loved this book because every page I read , there was danger . My favorite character was Maximum ( Max ) Ride . She was a great leader and she was bird mutant . My least favorite character was Ari . He was mean bully and he is Eraser . I think people who like mutants or fantasy should read this book . I loved this book . I thought it was very interesting & I couldn 't put it down . I loved how Anne Frank wrote . She seemed to be absolutely truthful in her journal , and I liked that . I could really relate to her , as I think many can . I laughed out loud at parts and was devastated when I read the end note , even though I already knew that the members of the Secret Annex met unfortunate ends , including Anne . Afterwards , I was slightly overwhelmed by thinking about all the individual lives that were cut short in WWII . I only had one dislike of the book : that her dad edited it ! Who would want their dad editing & reading their journal ? But all in all , this book was amazing & one of the best I 've read ! Inkheart is a wonderful , exciting story . I loved it because characters got to come out of the books . There is also a movie which is really cool to watch . My favorite character is Meggie because she read Tinkerbell out of the book and because she shared her father 's gift . I think all ages could enjoy it except for really small kids . I love this book because it was from a teenage 's perspective . My favorite character was Ruby . I think this book is for people who are 12 - 17 or are just big fans ( like me ) of Sarah Dessen . A little boy named Willy is going to race in a dogsled race , because his grandfather is very sick . While his grandfather is sick a tax collector comes bye and Willy 's grandfather is sick , he doesn 't have the money . So the tax collector has to take the house , but there is a lot of people racing in the race , and one of them is Stone Fox . He has never lost a race . This is a series of twelve books that I am reading . I love these books becuase they are filled with action , worry , and suspence . Callum Ormond is my favorite character . He is a hunted fugitive and is now on the run . Callum is only 15 years old and he has to survive 365 days . I think that people who like action book would like this . Ages 10 to 15 would probly like it . I love this book because it had a lot of action in it . I had a lot of favorite characters . This book is filled with action , humor , and mystery . This book is for kids who like action and humor . I loved this book and so will you . Their are 4 books in this series so read them all . I love this book because it is about a bunch of friends putting something together . My favorite character is Kate because she never gives up and you can tell she is kindhearted and determined . She didn 't stop trying to earn money for her dad 's b - day present . This is a great book for kids that are thinking about having a lemonade stand . A World Away is about a 16 - year old named Eliza , who has been Amish all her life . She has never tried on a pair of jeans , never made a phone call , or watched TV . She is asked for a nanny job for two kids , and excited accepts . She learns the good , bad , and the ugly of learning of love , life , and lessons of the non - Amish world . She learns that most of the time , the life your blessed with is the life your meant to belong to , even if it doesn 't seem that way . This was a phenomenal book ! I liked this book because it made you think about what is going to happen next . My favorite character is Meg . I like Meg because you can tell she is adventerous and likes taking risks . I think kids from 4th grade to 7th grade would like this adventerous tale . I liked how the author made the setting feel like the future and it could happen . I felt like every chapter Lena was changing and starting to realize love is good and it is something to celebrate . I liked how the ending was put together . I feel like this was a fast paced book that left me wanting more at the end . I thought it was a great book . review by Megan , grade 9 I like it because it was kinda like me . My favorite character is Nikki J . Maxwell . Recommend to 10 , 11 , 12 , and 13 year olds . I felt that Beautiful Creatures had a great story line . I liked that they placed it in the real world . It made it feel like it could happen . I liked how they made the connection with Lena and Ethan . It made it feel magical . All around it was a great book that most people would like to read . Review by Megan , grade 9 It 's very captivating with major romance and mystery . A simpleton guy from a small town finds out that this new summer time city isn 't all its cracked up to be . There are real vampires and some aren 't as friendly as they seem . It is truly a must read for the summer . Review by Robin This book is easy to read and keeps you wanting to know more . Personally , I loved Gus , he was sweet and hilarious . This book is perfect for anyone in middle school or up ! Review by Amanda The book I 'm doing my review on is " Matilda . " I picked Matilda because it 's one of my favorite books . I also enjoyed the movie . Matilda is about a little girl growing up on her own in a family she doesn 't belong . She discovers that she has magical powers . In the end she was adopted by her teacher which she loved , and they lived happily ever after . Curing disease seems to be the new big thing around books these days , yet out of all of them this just might be my favorite . First starting it I thought it was as boring as all heck and put it down , but like anything you can 't start something and not finish it so , I did and absolutely loved it . I highly highly recommend it and if you have the same trouble as me , push through it : I promise it gets better , way better . The characters are really interesting , but I think it is the plot that is the most intriguing . I would recommend this for the young adults age group ( teens ) . Clearly with a rating of five , I enjoyed this book . It was a play off of the original story " Cinderella , " a story that I basically hated as a kid because the main heroine was pathetic and never stood up for herself . The tomboy Cinder is the exact opposite , someone people can actually relate to and an all around likeable character . Cinder was very much original because it didn 't take the exact same story / plotline and rewrite it as a modern story , but took the basic skeleton of the story and added tons of new components making it a new story . It might have been pretty predictable throughout , but overall was really good , so I 'm excited for the next 3 books ! This book was outstanding ! Yes , it was and is most definitely meant for an older audience ( teens and such ) but half of the obscenities are what make this book so great . I 'm sure a lot of teens can relate to what went on in this book . It was hilarious , thought provoking , heart wrenching , and just about every other emotion there is all at the same time . I myself did not enjoy the back cover 's description . I don 't think it made for an intriguing sort of " explanation " , but ignore the back . I did and LOVED this book . So obviously I recommend this book , along with his other books which are also really good . This review is on " Witness " . I chose this book because it is a good / sad book . This book is about a lot of different things but it 's basicly about a Klu Klux Klan group in a small town in Vermont . This book is very racist but it ends up being good in the end . My favorite character was Esther Hirsh a 6 year old girl from New York . Review by Mariah , Grade 9 My book review is on " The BFG . " Also known as " The Big Friendly Giant . " This is a very popular children 's story . I read it for the first time when I was in 2nd grade . This book is mainly about a little girl named Sophie who lived in an orphanage , and one night she was awake and was kidnapped by a friendly giant and taken to giant land where many giants lived . In the end the giant was able to come live with everyone and treated normal . My favorite character was Sophie because she was intelligent . I really liked this book . With many twists and turns it made for suspenseful and exiting reading . I was so happy with it I ended up reading the whole 11 - book series in about a month ! This book was really great . I had seen it on shelves for quite some time and it wasn 't until a while that I picked it up and really saw its … awesomeness . Although I must say it got a little confusing eventually . Bloomability is about a girl who 's family moves a lot - ever 6 months to a new place . Soon she is sent to Switzerland , which she hates , and learns how to speak Italian , Spanish , Japaneze , and French at an American School . She soon makes close friends w / some of her peers and goes on a skiing trip w / them . Two of them are burried in an avalanche , and I won 't tell you if they survive . She soon loves this school and can not bear to leave her friends ( some who are not coming back next year ) and their is no guarantee she will . She soon learns the value of friendship and that no one will ever forget her . Responsible Rosalind , future astrophysicist Skye , Jane the author , and shy batty along with their father are on their way to the summer of their lives at Arundel , home of Jeffrey and the despicable Mrs . Tifton . There will be love . There will be brownies . There will be butterfly wings , bunnies , and bulls . There will be heartbreak , writing , and piano . And , there will be Algebra and roses . Sweet Venom is a wonderful book . It is a fun , exciting take on Greek mythology . I really like the author 's style of writing , she uses descriptive language to create the atmosphere and setting . This book is about three girls who discover that they are long lost triplets , and also descendants of Medusa . They have to keep the mortal world safe from monsters who come out of an abyss to feed on the humans life force . Gradually the wall that separates the mortal word from the abyss starts to break and more and more monsters start to escape the abyss and come into the mortal world . I liked it . It was very interesting & a nice twist on the dragon theme . Actually , dragons are NOT actually a huge part of the book , more of the presence & influence of them . A big part of the book was how men were the strong ones , and women were weak & they couldn 't do anything , and how Eon ( later Eona ) is changing peoples opinions about it . A critique is that I felt like the author looked at some subjects too much , and some too little . Favorite character : Lady Dela . Least favorite : Uygo . Review by Natalie , grade 8 I hate this book because it was boring . My least favorite character was Hal . I think people might enjoy this book if they like a boy who becomes a skandran warrior . Review by Lynn , grade 11 First I felt this book was boring but the more pages I read , it made me read the book . My favorite character was Han . Someone gave him an amulet that could be dangerous to destroy all the kingdoms . I would say that anyone should read it because it was interesting , but I thought this book was okay and wasn 't so boring like the rest of the books . Review by Lynn , grade 11 I thought it was great ! At first I was skeptical of it having polygamy in it , since that 's not really my thing , but it turned out well . Rhine 's choices throughout the book are what gripped me . I don 't want to spoil anything , but I can definitely tell something is going is going to happen with her father - in - law . I can 't wait to read the next book . Have you ever wondered what it 's like to live the life of a glamorous 12 year old ? Well now you can know . Massie Block is a ridiculously rich 12 year old who owns designer bags and clothes . Massie is very content with her " clique " until Claire moves in . Will Massie be able to accept a new girl in her group ? This book has what my local librarian calls " right of passage . " You have to get through the first part before the book becomes any good . That is what happened with this book . However once I got past the slow part I loved it . The characters were extremely dark and I loved that . There are not many books that has many dark character that are fighting for good . Other than this there are not many things to report back . It was a good book , but any mistakes that really jumped out at me . Review by Paige , grade 10 There were some parts in the book that the dialogue was not the best in the world . There were a ton of times that the author made the characters say , " Oh , blah blah blah . " I do not know about you , but that makes me think that the character is sighing or having an epiphany . I did like the depth of the characters , and the range of them . Polly Shulman has a three year old as a hero in this novel , I think that just comes to show that she thinks that anyone can be a hero , no matter what their size . Another character that you would not suspect to be a hero , Jaya , a ten year old girl . She figures out things that the teens in the novel would never figure out . Review by Paige , grade 10 I think the book is very fast paced . Even when they were in the peaceful country Alex still got shot at by a bunch of spoiled stuck up boys . The action never stopped from the beginning to the end . I loved it because it was a book based on comparison between boys & dogs and girls & cats . My favorite character was Yumi , Annabelle 's friend because of how much she loved animals . A sixth grader who was new at school and wanted to be able to blend in . I liked this book because it was funny . The outfit designs were pretty . You can tell that Annie has a big imagination . In this book you 'll see a blast of fun and style ! Terrier is the first book I 've read by Tamora Pierce , who people have been recommending to me for a long time , so perhaps I went into it with my expectations a little too high . Or maybe reading murder mystery books geared for adults has ruined me for reading Young Adult murder mysteries . Or it could have been that my dubious talent for spotting the hidden bad guys of a story kicked in , but by the 300th page , I knew what the ending was going to be . I knew who shadowed ( geddit ? ) antagonist was . So for me , it was a bit of a drag reading the last 200 odd pages in the book , only to have everything I 'd already known confirmed in the last five pages . Of course , as I said , my realizing the whole ending could just be one of my talents for guessing plot lines , so don 't let that turn you off of the book . I also wasn 't a fan of the first couple pages , but that 's a matter of personal style preference , so I 'll let you draw your own opinions . Now that I 've gone over what I didn 't like , I start with what I did , The heroine , Rebakah , was strong , with a large supporting cast who helped her along , but it didn 't feel like they were constantly having to rescue her out of everything . She was clever , if slightly naive , but that fades as the book progresses . Tamora Pierce certainly knows what she 's doing in creating a tough girl . The world was very interesting , and I enjoyed learning more about the Dogs , the peacekeepers of the land . They do use slightly different language , so that can take a little while to get used to , but if you 're really stuck on a word , try the glossary in the back . There 's also a character index and a list of terms it can be good to be familiar with as you learn about their world . I 'm not sure that I had a favorite character , but I was fond of Rosto , the roughish character who sweeps in a few chapters in , and Beka 's two Dogs , Turnstall and Goodwin , who are charged with training her from a training puppy into a full - fledged Dog . I would recommend this book to tweens or younger teens with a taste for resourceful , stroReview by Thea I think this book is interesting because it 's about 3 fifteen year old boys who are told to find summer jobs but they will do anything to have freedom for their last summer before they enter the working world . My favorite character would be Curtis because he acts like a leader . This book is perfect for the teens who are trying to get out of there summer jobs . First of all I liked this book because I liked how the wolves find the new land . My favorite character was Gwyneth because she was a brave owl and I love Guardian of Ga ' Hoole series . My least favorite character was Edme . She was an annoying wolf . I think people who like wolves . Rhine Ellery lives in a futuristic society where women die at 20 and men die at 25 years of age . There are some who are researching the possibility of an antidote but few live long enough to make progress . Rhine is a strong - willed 16 year old who is kidnapped and introduced to a new wealthy lifestyle , but what she discovers is so horrible she knows she has to escape somehow . And housemaster Vaughn is watching around every corner . Is Rhine able to escape ? Is she able to find an antidote to the disease that is wiping out the human race ? Check out Wither today ! The Serpent 's Shadow by Rick Riordan is about two kids ages 14 and 12 who are magicians . It 's about the Egyptian gods . I loved the book because it was full of adventure and action . The reason that I only give it 4 stars was because sometimes it talks in to much detail . The funniest part is when ( pretty often ) the brother and sister fight . It is told in past tense so they fight while they 're narrating . And that is what i think of The Serpent 's Shadow . Review by Reese " The Hardy Boys " is an awesome chapter book series that is FULL of mysteries , on after another . The main characters are 2 teens , Joe and Frank Hardy . You should read this book if you like mysteries . According to a Gallop poll , 92 % of Americans were aware of Nixon 's visit to Communist China in the 1970s . His visit broke a decades long silence of formal communications between the US and China . This cemented a new start in Sino - American relations and both gained a bargaining ship against a common enemy : the Soviet Union . Margaret MacMillian did not just describe and dissect Nixon 's trip ; instead , she explores the lives and background of the main characters : Nixon , Kissenger , Chou , and Mao . She also explains the large amount of background work that had to be conducted in secret in order to make the trip possible . Bear in mind , this is a serious historical read , however ; you will learn the intricacies and some funny anecdotes behind politics and diplomacy . Review by Jemmy , grade 12 As the person I am , I have read almost all of Meg Cabot 's books . This series is by far the best that I have read of hers . She actually make the person who is in the position of Hades seem normal and like someone who was actually a man . Someone who knows what it feels like to die , through that he shows more sympathy than in other characters I have seen who have played the role of Hades . I also loved how John has more background , something more interesting , than the normal stories about the lord of the dead . This book is a lot less confusing than the first book , which is good . Where the first book flips between past and present a lot , this book stays with Pierce the entire time . This book also explains a lot more in a lot more detail , mainly because the main character is not as clueless in this book than in the first one . Some of my favorite parts are when she sees the curtains fluttering . I like this because the curtains are white and seem symbolic in a place of death . It makes me think that there is innocence and purity in the Underworld . It also makes me think that Pierce is getting to start over , that the white curtains mean a clean slate for her . It is kind of like the pomegranate in the Underworld , everyone thinks it is one thing , when it actually means something else entirely . Some parts of the dialogue were a little weird for me . I don 't know why , but whenever someone puts something with and " Oh , " in front of a name it just sounds ridiculous . I loved this book . When I read the first one I couldn 't believe it was over . There had to be more to Rebecca 's story , and I was right . This book takes you back into the life of Rebecca Brown , a normal teenage girl who can see ghost , but not all ghost , just the ones that let Rebecca see them , or if you are holding a hand of a ghost . That is how Frank notices Rebecca ; he saw her with Lisette the year before when they walked to her house in the Treme . In this part of the Ruined series you can really see the characters flourish . There is Rebecca who shows that she is strong and confident ( most of the time . ) Anton who now shows that he only believed in ghost because of the curse on the Bowman family and believes that Lisette was the only ghost in New Orleans and tries to fight it off when Rebecca tells him otherwise . Ling , a ndw character , who is like a confidante for most of the book , but then she really shows her intelligence in the end . Then you have Toby , who you think is even more of a nut case than in the first book . The only bad thing about this book is that it is really confusing at the end . What happened to Delphine ? Why did she move on ? Was it because she saw that Frank was moving on ? Then the Epilogue was kind of confusing too . It kind of leaves you wondering what is happening here ? Does this mean that Paula Morris is thinking about writing a third book , making this into a large series , or just keeping it down at two ? This book was amazing , however it was too short . Throughout the entire book I felt like something more could be explained . Or what as explained could be elaborated more on . However , Josephine did an excellent job with what she wrote . Everything made moresense in this book than any of the others , ( which is what she wanted to do , I think . ) and was beautifully crafted so everyone ( well , almost everyone ) got their happy ending . Reading through this series it was exciting to see how each person changed and developed , even though some did not . Characters people didn 't like very much get some justice behind them and end themselves with very noble acts . The only true problem I had while reading this story was the epilogue . It felt way too long and that the author was trying to rap up a story that wasn 't completely closed . I feel that if she wanted to Josephine Angelini could write another novel that explains more of what ends up happening to everybody . Some parts I was okay with the wrap up ( Jerry and Kate ) and others I wasn 't ( Lucas 's situation ) . Younger generations on occasion associate history with school , and in the beginning of the summer that is the last thing anyone wants to think about . This story of the war , the living conditions , and the tensions of the years preceding 1812 until the years dating after the war , shows relations to the present . The relations are not in the difficulties , but more so in the language and thoughts of America 's founders . These similarities cause the formation of fantastic relationships . These relationships are between the reader and the historical figures , in this historical review . This author is successful his attempt to connect the present and the past . This adventure with Katie Kazoo is as wild as always . Her teacher Mrs . Derkman moves in next door . What a surprise . Once again the magic wind comes and turns her into Pepper . Pepper ( Katie ) does some crazy stuff and then when she turns back into herself she fixes everything . Pepper is my favorite character . Francine and Muffy have a bet that Francine can 't be nice for a whole week . Muffy bets her Princess Peach watch . Arthur and his friends push Francine to the limit but she holds back her temper . My favorite character is Muffy . Find out what happens to Francine as she tries to be nice for a whole week . This book is amazing ! It 's about 2 rabbits named Hazel and Fiver who try to leave their home warren . It really makes you think about how rabbits live in the wild and how similar and at the same time how different rabbits are to humans . Review by Johanna I loved Fairest because it was about things like love and hatred and there were a lot of details which helped me get an image of the story in my head , making the story better . My favorite character was Ijory because he was nice to everyone . I think someone who enjoyed magical things , like fairies , would like it . A girl named Amu Hinamori wants to be her true self . She ends up with 3 character guardians who help her . People that work for Easter steal her eggs and guardians ! She has to protect them and save the characters . I 'd say this was a pretty good book . If you enjoy modern adaptations of classic books or old fairy tales , I think you would enjoy this book . This book is really inventive , gorey , and definitely draws the reader in . Although the end was sort of anticlimactic , the whole rest of the book was really enthralling , though you still want to know what happens in the next 2 books . I would recommend this for maybe the younger teens and older kids . The book I choose to do this review on is " Middle School . " I choose this book because it comes from a great series . This book is about Georgea Khatchadorian who plans to do good in her middle school but along the way her brother fails and it brings her reputation of a " good student " down . My favorite character is Rafe , which is the brother who is failing in school . To me Bunheads was a fairly boring book . The main character , Hannah , struggles with the same conflict for 294 pages . Hannah dances for the Manhattan Ballet Company and struggles with the thought of dumping ballet . I feel like the book repeats itself too many times . Kudos to Moira for taking a bold step in writing . If you are a grammar fanatic , this is not the book for you . Unless you 're really southern . I found it hard to read though . Other than that it was a good story and I believe there is a sequel . Lemonade Mouth is an interesting , inspirational book giving a heartwarming ( and heart breaking ) story on how kids can change the world just by standing up for what is right using just simple actions . Lemonade Mouth gives the story of five different teens ' point of views . Each band member had different problems and backgrounds that all real kids can relate to , but they overcome their issues through music , and rebellion ! Review by Kelly , grade 7 I hated this book because it was boring and talked about princess and prince dating . My least favorite character was Princess Ben . Although she could magic , it was a boring story . I think people who love to read princess and magic , but I don 't like this book ! I love reading books by John Green and Looking for Alaska was especially interesting because of the recurring theme of a labyrinth of suffering and what our purpose here on Earth is . The characters were vivid and I enjoyed Miles ' habit of " collecting " last words from people . This book is a thought pondering adventure that was very entertaining to read . I would only recommend this book to mature teenagers due to certain elements not suitable for younger ages . But if you are mature and like a good book , any of John Green 's books are awesome to read ! I liked it because it was an interesting story . I had a book , and my favorite character was Emmett . I would think that this book would be for 14 + ages . I would think this book would be for fans of romantic , vampire books or movies . The Cathedrals 20 All Time Favorites This is a wonderful Southern Gospel cd . The Cathedrals were a wonderful group . My Favorite song on this cd is " I Can See the Hand " . I also like several other ones a lot . Others I like are " A Wonderful Time Up There " , " The Last Sunday " , " Echoes from the Burning Bush " , and " The Love of God " . This is a collection of songs from different recordings the group did and has several different members of the group on it . Of course it has George Younce and Glen Payne who were with the group the whole time . I Think this is a wonderful cd and is definitely worth listening to . Southern Gospel 's Top Twenty Songs of the Century I really liked this cd . It is really good and has many of the best Southern Gospel groups ever . My favorite songs are " I Never Shall Forget the Day " , " I Know " , " Jesus is Coming Soon " , " This Old House / When the Saints go Marching in " , and " Give the World a Smile " . There were not any that I really did not like although I did have favorites . If you really like Southern Gospel you will really like this cd . Even though I am thirteen and really like it most of the time this kind of music would be something more adults would like . I really liked this cd . Jake Hess was one of the best singers ever and this cd is a tribute to him put together by Bill Gaither with a bunch of recordings of him . My favorite song is \ " Up Above My Head \ " with him and George Younce singing . Most of these songs were from the Gaither Homecoming videos and some were really old videos of him . One funny one was where they were singing \ " The Fourth Man \ " with Jake Hess , Tim Lovelace , Rex Nelon , George Younce , and another guy . they did it several times to get it right . I think every body would like this if they tried it . This movie was one of the best ever made . IT is an older movie and is in black and white , and it is still one of the best . It is a really funny movie . My favorite character was Andy Griffith playing as Will Stockdale , but I also like his friend Ben and Sergeant King . It is a really good movie . I like it a lot . I think anybody would like it . I would definitely recommend watching it sometime . It is a movie worth watching . This was one of the best cd 's ever . It was done in 1995or1996 I 'm not exactly sure . IT was celebrating the Speer Family having been a group for seventy five years . The singers are Brock Speer , Faye Speer , Ben Speer , Mary Tom Speer Reid , and Rosa Nell Speer Powell . There were also a few other people which sang with them on certain songs . They were Eddy Bolton , Karen Apple , Harold Lane , Allison Durham Speer , Marc Speer , and few others . My favorite song is " I Want to be Ready to Meet Him " . I did not like " All Day Singin ' and Dinner on the Ground " . I thought that song sounded strange and not like Southern Gospel normally does . By the way the Speer Family was a Southern Gospel group so this cd of course has Southern Gospel music on it mainly and few other songs . One I like is " What a Day That Will Be " with Brock Speer singing one verse and Eddy Bolton singing another . My favorite singer on this disc and out of the group is Ben Speer . He normally sang the lead or tenor for the group . This is an old cd and Brock Speer has now passed away and the others are older now and are not singing as a group . I think it is wonderful to have this recording of them all singing . They also sang several songs that G . T . Speer , their father wrote . These include " I Want to be Ready to Meet Him " , " Some Glad Day " , " Sweeter Each Day " , " The Dearest Fried I Ever Had " , and " Heaven 's Jubilee " . I think the Speer Family was the best Southern Gospel Group ever . This would probably appeal to older adults because many younger people may not have even known of the group and if they are not Christians and don 't like Southern Gospel they would not like it either . I really like it though and I am only thirteen . I think if younger people were introduced to this kind of music they would like it as well as I do . It is wonderful music . I think this cd is definitely worth trying to find if you don 't have it , and it is a great cd to listen to . The Avengers was pretty much the best action movie of all time . There was great acting and the Hulk looked breathtakingly real ! With all of the Marvel heroes together , it 's like an argumentative family ! The Avengers is also packed with humor that makes your stomach hurt from so much laughter . Review by Jade , grade 7 I thought this was a great movie . It was really funny and my sister and I liked it so much that we watched it seven times within a span of about a month . It was really neat how they were all racing to get there and find the big W . It showed several cars driving really fast and racing down the roads . It also had a lot of funny people in this movie . I think m favorite character was Captain Culpepper . There were several really funny parts in it as well . A few were Phil Silvers as Otto Meyer driving his car down the stream into the river , the Crumps getting locked in the basement of the store and their attempts to get out ( which they finally did ) , and Captain Culpepper talking on the phone with his daughter Billy Sue and when he threw his hat out the window . One art that you probably should skip though is the part where Mrs . Marcus talks to Sylvester , her son , on the phone because he was with this girl and this girl was not wearing enough and they had not good music on in the background . Mrs . Marcus talks to him three times and two out of three you should skip . Sylvester himself is fine to watch later because he was a really funny character in the movie and is fine after that . This movie was done in the sixties so it is a pretty old movie , but it is great and is definitely worth finding and watching sometime . It would appeal more to older kids and adults . Younger kids would not understand the funny things in this movie and might find it not very interesting as I did when I was a lot younger . It has really funny stuff and not any of the bad or crude humor that you would find in lots of \ " funny \ " movies today . This was wonderful movie that everyone should see . I loved this movie because of the way they made it alive . It seemed so real . My favorite character was Pi Patel because of his amazing adventure . I would love to see what I would do in his situation . I think people who are from ages 12 and up would love this movie . I decided to do my review on " Rango " because it 's a very extravagant movie due to the fact that the animals talk ! In this movie there is a chameleon " Rango " who has to find his inner voice . In the beginning he gets dropped out of his car and is stranded in the desert . He becomes the sheriff of a small town which has a evil plotting major who has all of the water to build a new town . My favorite character was " Rango " which is the main character . Demi Lovato 's album , Demi , is a wonderful album featuring tracks that include pop , soul , and some mild form of " rapping . " Everybody might think of Demi as still a " Disney chick " but she 's managed to break out of that image in a great way . Demi has gone through some tough times and this album gives you a great perspective of that rough time . This album is a must buy ! The movie I 'm doing this review on is " Holes . " I decided to do a review on this movie because it 's one of my favorites . This movie is mainly about Stanley Yelnats gets sent away to a correctional camp for stealing shoes , that he was wrongly accused for . There family believes in this 100 year old curse that his great great grandfather put on them . In the end he finds a treasure chest that was meant for him all along , but throughout the whole movie they would look back into the past and tell the story of " kissing Kate Barlow . " Which was one of my favorite characters , my other favorite character was Theodore aka " Arm pit . " The movie I 'm doing this review on is " Zathura " . I choose Zathura because it is a good movie . Zathura is about two brothers who are left at home with their older sister . ( Which she doesn 't watch them well ) . The two brothers play a game called " Zathura " which comes to stop the bad things from happening they have to finish the game . My favorite character was the " Robot " . Even though they only showed him once he was funny . My least favorite character was the older brother , because he was mean and had a bad attitude . This movie is about teenagers at a Christian school . It is very religious so religious people would love it . They would relate best to Mandy Moore who plays the popular girl trying to save everyone . This movie is also for people who aren 't religious because it has , my favorite character , Cassandra : a Jewish bad girl . She falls in love with Mandy Moore 's crippled brother . This movie involves gayness , a teen pregnancy , and a love affair . I dislike the fact that the pregnant girl didn 't get an abortion , but everyone supported her even though I didn 't . This movie has a happy ending , so if you like those here you go .
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Abigail Advent books Celebrations Christmas Easter Faith Fall Family feast days Friday Moments Fun stuff for toddlers Home Homeschool In the Kitchen Knitting Lent Life Lucy Marriage Mary Motherhood NET oliver prayer pregnancy Scripture Spring Uncategorized Winter Category : Life The Self - Care I Am Worthy Of I often don 't sit down to write until I feel like I may burst if I don 't sit down and get it all out . When I do that , oftentimes it all pours out of me resulting in an entire blogpost that I have basically been formulating in my head for a month . I will catch myself phrasing and rephrasing things to myself and ocassionally out loud . So here we go . What do you say when you someone asks you how you 're doing ? I used to be quick to get things off my chest , give my list of ups and downs , regaling friends and family with my stories . How does that change when you become a mom ? Especially one who is doing this gig full - time and who hasn 't been alone in her head for 13 hours of the day for years and years ? People will ask me how I 'm doing and sometimes I will say , " oh we 're fine " or " Ben is … " or " The kids are . . " and other times I will say , " I have no idea . " Because its true . Most of my hours are consumed with the needs of others and that is a wonderful way that God is teaching me to put others before myself . To consider that the world does not revolve around my feelings . Something I am prone to falling into . I guess part of the reason I write is that I am always in pursuit of this girl I used to know named Katie . Have you seen her ? I need time to process . It feels indulgent at times or that its somehow not legit enough to require time alone . The funny thing is that I 'm the only one who considers it not worthwhile enough . My husband is practically pushing me out the door to have that time and the kids don 't even look up as I walk out the door . My Facebook keeps telling me that people are checking my blog site and yet here I am … Nearly nine years into motherhood and I am figuring out that if I don 't care for Katie , who will ? What can I say ? I 'm a little slow on the uptake . It 's not my husbands job to make me happy full time . My kids will not be my ultimate fulfillment no matter how much I love them . My home , though grateful I am for it , does not need to be immaculate and show ready at all times , thereby taking up all of my " free time " . Can we just stop and have a laugh for a minute about the concept of " free time " ? Good one , Katie . I can sit and drink coffee , knit for hours , marathon a fun little show on Netflix and practically live in the bath , all in the name of self - care . When I do these things , I feel refreshed and pampered and like myself and its a comfort . But here is the thing , brownies for lunch is not * actual * self - care . Sitting on the couch for the duration of winter and pretending that the outdoors and fresh air doesn 't exist is not self - care . Self - care does not mean shit I want to do . It means to care for yourself . And last time I checked , we are not only souls inside of bodies . We have bodies . We are our bodies . They are Gods gift to us and we need to be good stewards of them . I have not been a good steward of my health for a long time . Yeah , I 've been busy making , growing , delivering , nursing , raising , and educating the little people God has given me , its true . But here 's the thing … I have daughters , but I am * also * a daughter . I am also a child of God . I should be modelling the care of my mind , spirit , AND body to my girls . So here 's what I did . I booked a doctors appointment for a PAP . A dentists appointment . An eye appointment . A physio appointment . A therapy appointment . I ordered an exercise and diet program . Nothing extreme but enough to radically change my days . I am getting uncomfortable over here , people . I am getting up and moving my body every day even though its not my idea of fun . I am dutifully eating my veggies and proteins and showing my kids that caring for ourselves as adults * is * work and we * are * worthy of the time and level of effort that requires . To be clear here , I don 't give a hoot about what that number is saying on the scale . It is not a relevant part of this journey for me . It would just be nice to feel good in my clothes and sleep well at night and get out of bed in the morning without my lower back burning . And for my kids ? They 've asked , " why are you doing this , mummy ? Why do you want to be strong ? " And I tell them with a wink , " It 's so I can carry your Daddy in my arms . " By katiebrigidin Life , MotherhoodApril 10 , 2017871 WordsLeave a comment Be Here Now This is not the summer that I thought we would have . Our last few summers have been pre - planned with dates for a vacation and a cottage stay booked , swimming lessons , near - daily trips to the beach and meals thought out ahead of time and well - balanced . This summer has not been that . This has been the summer of sleeping in , boxed cereal , backyard kiddy pool , too much tv , ice cream for dinner and naps all around . It 's been staying up late , hanging out at home in our pjs and not many plans . Our house went up on the market in March and it is still sitting there . It has forced us into probably the least eventful and quietest summer we 've had for years . And you know what ? I am so , so glad . It has meant more sleep for me than I have had in probably 8 years . I 've read a stack of books as tall as my three year old . I 've been forced into letting go and giving in to what is instead of wishing for what isn 't yet . God is teaching me so much about being in this very moment instead of dreaming about tomorrow when the kids are older , life calms down , we have more time , we have more money , we have stuff that no one has covered in their bodily fluids . Discontent is a damn cancer and it will quite happily spread through our homes if we don 't cut it off at the knees . A spirit of discontent is the single most stubborn and ugly of chronic illnesses . I need to Be Here Now . Be here now and grateful as hell that my crew is still so totally delighted with a blow up pool and freezies . Tickled pink with family movie nights and pizza . Thankful that the kids still go to bed so early so I can spend time hanging out with my husband and hearing about his day . Too busy counting all the good and wonderful blessings that God has showered me with these last five years in this house instead of moaning about our mismatch furniture or the trip to New Zealand we can 't yet afford to make even though we are desperate for it . I know this is so cliche but today is a gift . That 's why it 's called the present . How will we open it and find joy and beauty in the now ? I decided to park in the downtown area and do as much walking as possible . This was the best decision I could have made . Less time in the car meant less driving in traffic and more time to clear my head . I spent the first hour , at least , just reading in our new central library and standing on the rooftop looking out over the harbour . I was struck anew by the blessing it is to live in a coastal city . I found a little gem of a book on Saint Therese of Lisieux and let my heart be reminded that when I am over - stretched and over - spent , what I really need is an infusion of Divine love . To be reminded of who 's I am and why I live the way I do . This led to a leisurely stroll through our city 's public gardens where I literally stopped to smell the roses . It is perhaps the thing I miss most about doing anything without children . Lingering . The slower pace of walking , taking in the sights , the smells , the sound of the birds and the wind in the trees . Deciding on a whim whether to go left or right without feeling pushed or pulled in all directions , or stopping to sit and just breathe it all in . Imagine my surprise then when I found all but maybe a handful of people staring into their phones instead of appreciating the beauty that surrounded us . I am just as guilty of being on my phone at times as the next person but I couldn 't believe the number of people that didn 't look up from their phones once . Someone actually walked right into me because they had their eyes on a screen . That was enough to keep me from my phone for the rest of the day . I don 't want to miss the gifts God is trying to give me . I don 't want to miss His voice trying to break through the noise of my daily life . I know it 's there . I have heard it . Felt it . I remember spending many of my single days much like I spent this . Afternoons spent this way were a regular , normal , no - big - deal occurrence but now ? All a gift . My time is not my own in the same way anymore . I am armpits deep in parenting and trying to keep some sense of myself , Katie , the person . The one that God made , loved , called and shouldn 't be left behind now that I am a wife and mother . I am a child of God . Why is that so hard to remember ? I think it 's because as primary caregiver and educator of my children , it 's easy to let myself believe that it is all on me . For this , I have Jesus . He calls me to come away even for a few short hours to be reminded of His goodness and provision and love . When I know who I am , I look at my husband and children differently . I know who and who 's they are and it makes me a better wife and mom . When I know who God is , I can rest in His love . I can be sure that He is at work in my life and in our home , helping us to become more like Him . This is strength for the journey . By katiebrigidin LifeJuly 14 , 2016593 Words3 Comments Welcome September ! Here we are already September and i 'm asking myself where the entire summer went ? The days didn 't feel busy or rushed but come the end of the week I wondered how it could have flown by so quickly . The furthest we ventured from home this year was to visit my sister and her family in Moncton . Other than that we stayed pretty close to home enjoying our first summer with a backyard all our own and a few day trips nearby . There has been a lot of time spent eating watermelon , hanging out in the kiddie pool , playing on our neighbours swings and just being together . A good part of our summer here wasn 't the warmest and I needed to bite my tongue to not wish the time away until Autumn . I cannot tell a lie , I am so happy to see cool days coming Easily my favorite picture taken last Autumn Everything about this weather makes me want to cook using our stockpot , light candles and knit . I know that Autumn inevitably brings Winter but I ignore that and fall madly in love with this season every single year . Here is a short list of things that I love about Autumn … By katiebrigidin Fall , LifeSeptember 3 , 2011September 4 , 2011343 Words2 Comments God Has A Plan There really is nowhere to start except by saying that six days after moving into the house we got water in our basement . I know , right ? ? We had a pipe blocked by a build up of previous owners dog hair and other random stuff . We don 't have a water problem , it was just bad timing that it happened right after we moved in . Someone came to clear the pipe out for us but the damage was done at that point and there was water under almost all of our laminate in the basement . You could hear the water squeak when you walked on the floors . Thankfully Ben came home to help handle the situation while I kept the girls upstairs and out of the way . We are covered by our home insurance , minus the first $ 1000 . 00 thanks be to God ! Not that we have $ 1000 just sitting around , but at least we don 't have to pay the entire cost . The following morning they sent a contractor and some workers to tear the floors out of the hallway , our bedroom and the girls room . They also had to cut a bunch of drywall out since the moisture had started climbing the walls . They set up a huge dehumidifier to help dry out the floors and went on their way . They 've been here a few times to take care of little things and we had someone come and measure the rooms and hallway to get an estimate for the floors . Our insurance is now just waiting on some quotes from contractors to decide who will do will do the job for less . Once that is decided I suppose they will start laying new floors . We are praying that it will be this week sometime . I really wish I could say I handled all of this like superwoman . I wish I could say I was positive , strong and trusting that God was taking care of all this . But it wouldn 't be the truth . The truth ? I cried . I cried and cried and cried . I chewed my lips . Bickered with my husband and wasn 't very kind to my children . Suddenly we were right back to being unsettled and bringing things back up into the living room , boxes and boxes worth . We were told that our home was ' habitable ' for the process of changing flooring . Clearly these people don 't understand or appreciate the importance of napping children . This is not how I imagined our first week in our first home . I don 't suppose anyone really sees these things coming . What has given me great comfort in the last few days has been this scripture verse : I know why we had a blocked pipe but I don 't know why it happened when it did or why it happened to us . But I do know one thing . One truth . It is what I cling to when I am ready to throw in the towel . Wanna hear it ? God . Has . A . Plan . God 's plan is not always clear in our lives . Actually , it rarely is . It 's not always what I had in mind or what I think I needed at the time . In the moment I might cry and crumble and show my weakness and distrust in the Lord , but after a little time , a little prayer , some quiet with my husband or a hot bath , God 's peace starts to settle into my heart . Why is that ? Because I have been here before . I 've tasted disappointment , anxiety and uncertainty and have come to the other side of it . God loves us just as we are but He loves us far too much to leave us there . Water in our basement ? God has a plan . Hard times financially ? God has a plan . Waiting nearly 4 years for Ben 's permanent residency to come through ? God has a plan . Losing baby after baby in miscarriage ? God has a plan . My dad dying at 48 years old ? God has a plan . God is faithful . Even when I don 't feel him near , I can see his faithfulness to me when I look back at all the difficult moments of my life . I would bet that I am not alone in this . With everything going on in the house ( plus my own personal intention ) I decided to start a novena to Mary , Undoer of knots . I am on day 8 and can say that it has already bore fruit . In the closing prayer of each day there is a line that chokes me up everytime and it says , " O my Lady , you are the only consolation God gives me " . I have known this to be true when I am struggling and Christ feels far away , His mother is an ever gentle presence in my life waiting with open arms to receive me . Telling Mary about the frustration of our situation and about my personal intention feels like I am talking to my own mom on the phone , which I am thankful for because my mama was in Florida last week . She is a comfort to me in the hardest of times , Mother of sorrows , she knows what it 's like to walk a hard road . She never had more than one child to deal with at a time that 's true , but she did have to stand back and watch people hate her only son and crucify Him . She is there to hold our hands when we need her . I don 't have a poetic way to bring this post to an end . I guess I just want you to know , since we all need to be reminded from time to time , that God has a plan . He knows where we 've come from , where we are and where we 're going . The choices are entirely up to us , we do have free will , but He is right in the thick of it with us . And His mama ? She 's right next to Him ( i . e right there with us ) By katiebrigidin Home , Life , Mary , providenceMay 17 , 20111 , 118 Words1 Comment Our First House ! It 's official ! The house inspection went very well ! Our Uhaul is booked , our walls are bare and our hallway is beginning to look like a storage space . I 'm trying to take it just one day at a time and not let myself be overwhelmed by the overwhelming amount of work to be done and details to be taken care of before we move . Who am I kidding ? I am feeling overwhelmed . I have been fighting it with scripture and praise . When I feel the never ending to do list flooding my mind , I turn the Christian music up a little louder and sing my heart out to the One who will give me true peace . And when I just can 't bare the mess of the apartment anymore , the girls and I leave for a walk or get in the car and take off for a few hours . It is so funny to me how we waited literally years for Ben 's residency to come through and then once it did , BOOM ! Ben goes to NZ , he gets a promotion , we get approved for a mortgage , we buy a house . The roller coaster just sped up a whole lot these last few months and we are holding on and trying to give thanks in every moment . We have been so very blessed ! God is so good ! ! Only 21 days to go now ! Owning your own home is really nothing like paying rent . In our apartment building if something breaks , we call the landlord . In our house , it 's all on us . It is going to be really special but also requires trust in God that He knows what we can handle . I thought that Lucy would be very confused by the whole thing and get upset when she saw me packing but she has been great about it ! She asks everyday if we can see the new house and asks when she can play in her new backyard . She has even been helping me pack sheets , blankets and some toys . Look what I found when I was taking the garbage out the other night ? A really sweet little picnic table for my munchkins to enjoy their outdoor meals on . They love it and Abigail is forever climbing it . I have given up on trying to stop her . She has also figured out how to climb the double bed in the spare room by gripping with her toes and pulling herself up . There hasn 't been much happening here other than lots of packing , playing , praying , feeding , bathing , and changing the girls . There isn 't really time for much else and I am perfectly content with that since I know that in a few short weeks we will have lots of time to unpack and enjoy our first summer in our new home . I hope that this whole house thing isn 't boring you guys . It 's just so consuming when it 's all going down ! I did want to share a picture with you though of a little planting box that our home owners are leaving behind for us . What do you think we should plant ? We 've never planted a proper vegetable garden before and we are super excited about it ! By katiebrigidin Home , LifeApril 8 , 2011September 4 , 2011536 Words4 Comments Two Years Today It 's been awhile since i 've found some quiet time to sit and do any thinking or writing in this space , but this morning I found myself up early enough to see Ben off to work . I 'm sitting here drinking my coffee while the girls sleep , and although I would love to be sleeping , too , it just feels so good to take in this quiet morning ( blue daisies that Lucy picked out for me at the grocery store ) Things haven 't been too busy around here per se , we 've been keeping our regular rhythm through the day , but my heart has felt busy . The girls both have a cold and I think Abigail is working on cutting her two top teeth . At least I hope that is the reason she has been up nursing twice a night for the last two weeks now . I can 't even believe that we are already almost half way through November . Today is the second anniversary of my father 's death . There is no real poetic way to say that . It is what it is , and today my heart aches to be with him . To see him hold and hug and kiss and play with our girls . He would have loved them dearly and spoiled them rotten . One of his brothers came over the other day to bring us some furniture given to us by my Godmother , and watching him play with Abigail nearly tore my heart out . This day wouldn 't be so hard if Dad 's birthday wasn 't also just around the corner on November 22nd . Today I will take the girls to get some Poinsettia flowers and we will go to his grave and spend some time . I will make sure the girls are respectful of the other graves around us , but I will let them play on his . I know he would have wanted them climbing all over him . The girls are growing , always growing and I am trying as best I can to just breathe their littleness in and give thanks that I am here to enjoy them . If you have an extra moment to pray today , could you please offer up a prayer for all of our family who will surely be missing my dad , Alan , today . Thanks so much ! I hope you all have a blessed weekend .
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Yesterday we took her to outpatient physical therapy at the hospital . The therapist was impressed . Polly 's large gross motor function in her previously paralyzed leg is almost fully back . She encouraged us to work on Polly 's smaller movements , for her to continue to wear her SMOs ( feet and ankle braces ) and for her to keep moving , which does not seem to be a problem . Our therapy assignments include making forts under the dinning room table , crawling up and down the stairs and tickling . Really , that 's what we were told . No problem ! So for now , Polly is back to regular life . She doesn 't have a clue that next Wednesday ( November 4th ) she 'll be under anesthesia for her angiograph ( a very involved test that will determine exactly where in her brain surgery needs to take place ) . After that test , her first surgery date will be set , probably in the middle of November . In an effort to prepare Polly for her upcoming stints in the hospital , I plan to purchase a play doctor 's kit . We 'd like Polly to realize that there are many things at the hospital that are done that do not hurt ; blood pressure , temperature , checking reflexes . If you have any other ideas about how to prepare Polly , I 'd love to hear them . I am humbled by all the blogs and messages that have posted Polly 's button reminding us all to pray . I am also attempting to keep the rest of our lives functioning normally ; Elaina is going to brownies and Zoya needs to practice her piano . Evie is back on board with her sensory diet and we 've started her school evaluations now that she is three and has aged out of Early Intervention . It 's challenging as four out of six of us are battling colds ( thank God , so far Polly is staying healthy ) . Sergei spent the night at the hospital with Polly . He came with the girls after their Father / Daughter dance at school around 9pm . This morning we are waiting for her doctor to come to let us know if she can go home . She 's much better today , eating and drinking a little and doing well off the oxygen . Sergei ordered her pancakes and yogurt for breakfast and she ate a few bits with just a tad bit of force from Papa . She 's giving hugs now though , which definitely means she is on the mend ! Hopefully she 'll be well enough to come home later this morning . Ill snap another picture of her in a little while so you can see for yourselves her improvement . Thank God , her surgery went well without complications . The doctor removed her tonsils and adenoids ( they had grown back from two years ago ) . Her ears were clear so no tubes today ! " Then God looked over all he had made , and he saw that it was excellent in every way . This all happened on the sixth day . " Genesis 1 : 31 I stood looking at my daughter , my hand pushed through the plastic window , resting gently on her leg , my fingers gripping her heel . I was happy because she had her eyes open . It was a busy morning in the nursery . People rushed around , going this way and that ; some were washing equipment , others changing babies , giving them wash cloth baths and putting on clean fitted sheets in the cribs . I wasn 't used to so much action . It made me tired . About this time every morning I would meet up with the doctor on call , the one looking after Polly . I was not surprised when I heard footsteps coming from behind . Turning I saw the rock star Pediatrician . " Dobre Utra " I said , greeting her with a smile . The Doctor looked down at her feet and when she looked up her gaze did not meet mine . She looked passed me and focused on the sunshine streaming in through the window . The morning after my daughter 's traumatic birth a sharp needle broke through her placid skin , diving into a vein . A vile quickly filled with her blood . Then it was closed up , labeled and sent off to be tested for an extra chromosome in her cells . We were told it would take two weeks to get the results . Polina 's blood was to determine our future . I have always been afraid of heights . This fear is shared with others in my family ; my father , my oldest daughter . In middle school I was the kid who wouldn 't go on rides at amusement parks . I worked hard those days , pretending I preferred the carousal or that I really did think my recording of The Wind beneath my Wings had talent , but everyone in my class knew that I was scared . I am even a little jumpy in elevators . Anywhere you can fall . Sometimes I dream that I am free falling . They say if you actually hit bottom in your dream that you are dead in real life . I stared at the woman in front of me . I blinked a few times . I hit bottom . My earliest memory of a person with disabilities is enclosed in fear . I was a young girl , a toddler really , at an outdoors barbeque with my parents . The whole morning I had played and swam and ate watermelon . That is , until I saw a woman with Down syndrome . I noticed she was different right away and it scared me . I found a place to hide , a tent . All day long my parents tried to get me out of the tent . They lured me with ice cream and hamburgers . I wouldn 't budge . I looked around my daughter 's nursery room . There were cribs and nurses and diapers and equipment . But there was no place to hide . The doctor droned on . Her painted face was hard , like a brick wall . " So what do we do now ? " I cut in . I wanted to fling myself on the floor , bang my fists and tare my clothes but instead I stood silently , blankly . As adults we want to look together . It is one of the most nagging sins . The Doctor talked about other health concerns . Her words had no sound . I watched her painted face contort as she mouthed words . My ears felt like they were stuffed with cotton balls . It was like I was under water . When there was a lull I blurted out a hurried " spaseeba " , my attempts at a thank you . A better woman would have bent down and drawn close to her baby . She would have looked into the baby 's sleepy eyes and vowed to love her and to protect her and to treasure her . I turned and ran out of the room . I did not even look at my child . If I stayed , I might have turned to salt , like the woman in Genesis who looked back to her city as she fled . I reached my room across the hall , already sobbing and yelling . And some how I was detached , it was like I was watching a scene unravel in front of me . I didn 't recognize who this person was crying and screaming . I fell onto my bed and howled like a person getting put into a straight jacket . In the last five days while sitting for hours in my quiet tan hospital room I had considered every scenario in my head . I played them over and over and prayed to God for strength . I knew there was a great possibility that my daughter had Down syndrome . But I had never thought about how it was going to feel . Instantly , several women surrounded me . One nurse patted my arm . Someone handed me a small plastic cup filled with thick purple liquid . Each woman carried on her own personal monologue directed at me . Dazed , I gulped down the syrup . The rock star stood closest to my head on the right . " Stop crying " , she told me . " Yes , it is terrible that your daughter has Down syndrome . But there is nothing that can be done . Now stop crying ! " The other women nodded in agreement , still patting me and saying " neecheevo , neecheevo , it 's nothing , Gillian , it 's nothing . " I felt guilty that I wasn 't there more often . I was not the vigilant mom I imagined I would have been in those circumstances . Whatever energy I had built up dissolved quickly while standing . No one offered me a chair . My husband finally brought me a chair on the fifth day of our stay . I was sore and weak but the real reason why I didn 't stay long with my baby was because of my own self pity and fear . When I was there , I sat despondently beside my lifeless new born , feeling sorry for myself , almost embarrassed . I did not see her . I saw a sick , possibly defective baby . A baby the doctors insisted was mine . But I wasn 't so sure that she was the same little one who had prodded my tummy and kicked at my bladder all those months . There was no familiarity . I imagined the nurses looking at me , nudging each other that this was the mom of the sick baby . I imagined half of them feeling sorry for me and the other half confused as to why I didn 't just abandon her . No one in the nursery met my gaze . Most greeted me curtly first thing in the morning and then looked through me during the remainder of their shifts . After moving from surgery to post partum , I experienced the first of many hurtful words from the nursing staff . " That 's what you get for thinking that you could have three normal children . " In Ukraine , it is very common to have just one child . Two children is a large family . According to this nurse , having a third was just asking for trouble . I sat in the nursery and watched the healthy babies through the window . It made me sad . Other post partum moms waddled in and out in their white terry cloth robes to take or deliver their babies . They looked tired , sore , flushed . But they looked happy . Chunky pink babies swaddled in gauzy blankets slept dreamily . Others thrashed and screamed for food . About four feet away , they were a world away from me . More then a window separated us . October 15 , 2008 at 7 : 53 pm 3 comments Day Fourteen The nursery quarters consisted of three rooms . Each room was completely visible to the other . The bottom part of the walls were like a cold dark January day , the top halves were windows . The rooms were strictly functional . Nothing in them celebrated the new lives they held . On the right was a room lined with four or five bassinets against one wall . A diaper changing station occupied one corner . A rocking chair where nurses sat to feed or soothe a newborn was in the other corner . Each clear , plastic bassinet had a blue or pink card on the front with the name , weight and height of the child inside . The room on the far left held four elaborate warming beds , donned with bright yellow lights . Two or three babies lay under screamingly bright lamps . The penetrating light nursed them to healthy bilirubin levels , changing their carrot - like skin back to newborn pink . The babies were spread eagle with little black tanning masks over their eyes . They looked as if they were enjoying an Aruba vacation . I half expected an exotic drink with an umbrella resting in a little hand . I wanted to climb up with one of them , scoot him over and enjoy the warmth on my skin too . I was jealous of these babies and their mothers . If only a bright light could bring my daughter back to full health . The middle room was for babies who were sick . It was plain except for medical equipment . And there our child was , alone . The machines hooked up to her showed she was alive . Her domed bed was adorned with wires and switches . Oxygen and warmth pumped into her little plastic house . She too had a pink card taped on the right side of her plastic house . But the card did not have a name written on it . The birth surprised us three weeks early . We had yet to decide on a name . After her birth my mental list of names did not fit her . Though in many ways she resembled her sisters , honestly , I could not consider choosing a name . I still felt like I was visiting someone else 's sick child . Life was happening around her but not in her . While visiting I concentrated on her body to ensure that her chest moved up and down . Her actions , if any , were slight . She hardly ever opened her eyes . Her lips were crusty and peeling . Just under five pounds you could see her bones sticking out of her limp flakey flesh . Her body was long . She had big feet and a full head of golden brown hair . I remember thinking that she looked like a grumpy old man at the end of his life , too weak to bother with the rest of us . I was allowed to open the plastic window and lay my hand on her body or hold her hand for a couple of minutes here and there . Her oxygen went low when the window was open . I liked to hold onto her heel . I stood by her incubator in small increments of time for the first three days . My incision ached and I became light headed often . Every two hours a nurse would take a tiny tube connected to a bottle of formula that held a few ounces . The nurse would place her hand on the back of the baby 's neck , lift her head a bit and when her lips parted the tube was placed inside her mouth and then pushed down her esophagus and into her stomach . Instantly the liquid would disappear . Every time it was very quick . I asked the nurses to let me know when they were feeding . Usually I did not find out in time . October 14 , 2008 at 7 : 24 pm 1 comment Day Thirteen The next morning I woke early again . Looking around , I remembered where I was . The television was back in the corner . The walls were still bare and I was still sore and confused and scared . The nurse suggested I get up and go to the bathroom . She was obviously out of her mind . My middle had been sliced open and a baby , plus a large liver looking thing had been cut out of my body . I was sewn up with heavy green thread , the kind you see on an old rugged pillow . The doctor tied a bow at the end of my incision . My catheter was removed so I no longer had a choice . I could either wet myself or get up . I was moved downstairs across from the nursery . It was like an apple dangled out in front of me . I was just across the hall from my daughter . By day two I was up and moving , painfully , slowly . My mother had applied for her passport with the intent to come to Ukraine to help with the new baby . After she heard of the early arrival , bags were packed and without hesitation she boarded a plane for the sake of her daughter . The first time I took a shower in my hospital room was three days after my c - section . My mother and the nurses where in some sort of cosmic agreement , although they could not communicate , that I needed a shower . It was in the afternoon , the first actual day of my mother 's experience in Ukraine . She had flown in late the night before . My mom 's remedy for most things in life is cleanliness . Baths , showers , cleaning , generally anything hygienic is good for the soul . One time when I was a kid , I was complaining to her about a particularly hard day . Her advice to me was , " go shit in the tub . " And unsurprisingly , I felt better after a half hour of uncontrollable laughter at her slip of the tongue . She helped me lug my wobbly body , donned with one enormous Always maxi pad that was supposed to catch buckets of blood while stuck to a flimsy pair of gauze underwear . From just under my rib cage down past my unmentionables , my body felt like a horrible nagging tooth ache every time I moved . I clumsily undressed and my mom helped me step up into the shower . At thirty - one , I am sure that my body had expanded and changed quite a bit since she last saw me in this light . The hospital was similar to a hotel in the States . It was like all of this was happening at a Best Western . Little bottles of shampoo and conditioner and soap lined up on the shower wall ledge waiting to wash my body . As a missionary I have not had a good relationship with travel size toiletries . Supporters of our foreign work think we either cannot afford our own products or that the country itself does not sell soap . People took it upon themselves to save up shampoo , lotion , conditioner and soap from their hotel stays and ship them to us in care packages . Good friends of ours working in Mexico received already used tea bags thatOur new friend Hope needs our prayers too ! Polly needs our prayers ! Grab This Button Recent Comments Alfreda Cusimano on Moyamoya ? Oh , my . … apple store on Pretty All True , my accounts o … szywhgygu @ gmail . com on The waiting roomclash of clans free … on The waiting roomhttps : / / plus . google . … on Pretty All True , my accounts o … NetworkedBlogsBlog : Pocket LintTopics : Mothering girls , Down syndrome , Ukraine Follow my blog
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Justice was seized from a family and sent to Florida Equine Rescue back in October 2011 . Justice came in to FER in an emaciated condition . At the beginning of this year , FER had been shut down and the Walsh 's were charged with animal cruelty . Hannah Farrell found placement for the horses that had resided at FER . Justice was being held by Hendry County as evidence until the court proceedings were final . After this , Justice was then placed at Gallops Stables " A Stable Place " in North Ft . Myers , where he resided for several months . His stools were loose with diarrhea . Within the first 2 days we noticed that he had no appetite . We also noticed that he was pinching the top layer of feed with his lips . Bob checked under his lips and found ulcers in his mouth . Bob immediately called the vet and scheduled him to come out first thing in the morning . Dr . Brian arrived to find Justice to have a protruding rectum . Dr . Brian had thought at the time that this was due to the excessive diarrhea . He was thought to have stomach ulcers , as well as the mouth ulcers . Dr . Brian floated Justice 's teeth and put him on ranitidine for the ulcers . Bob called Dr . Brian out on a 911 call to check Justice . Dr . Brian gave him medications to stop the diarrhea and other medications to help restore the nutrients , electrolytes , and absorb any toxins that may be in his system . Dr . Brian also did blood work on Justice to check for any organ damage . Justice 's condition was quickly progressing . He was aimlessly walking , circling , head - pressing , and resting his head in our laps or on the steps . Justice 's condition accelerated to the point where he was suffering from HE ( hepatic encephalopathy ) with severe cerebral dysfunction causing him to be a great danger to himself and especially to others . First his front knees kept buckling underneath him and he would fall forward into the ground . This behavior became more violent , as he continuously lost control of his body , falling into anything or anyone that surrounded him . By the time we received the phone call with the test results , Justice 's condition was in the advanced stage of liver failure and within 24 hours we had to put Justice to rest . After Justice 's diagnosis , we did some research concerning his condition . We learned that there were 8 horses that were seized from FER who suffered and died from liver failure due to eating poisonous plants out at FER . At the time the horses were seized from FER , a vet came out to update a coggins on each one of the horses . Justice had been seen to have " blood " in his urine prior to this , so his condition was described to the vet and the vet , therefore , prescribed an antibiotic for Justice without actually testing the urine . " Affected animals should be fed carefully because dysphagia may be a problem . Relatively small amounts should be fed frequently . The diet should meet energy needs with readily digestible carbohydrates , provide adequate but not excessive protein , have a high ratio of branched - chain amino acids to aromatic amino acids , and be moderate to high in starch to decrease need for hepatic glucose synthesis . " " Liver disease should always be considered when nonspecific clinical signs , such as depression , weight loss , intermittent fever , and recurrent colic , are present without an apparent cause . Differentiation between acute and chronic hepatitis or failure based on the duration of clinical signs before presentation may be misleading , because the disease process is often advanced before clinical signs are evident . Early vague signs of depression and decreased appetite may be overlooked . Liver biopsy to determine the type of pathology , degree of hepatic fibrosis present , and the regenerative capabilities of the liver parenchyma is necessary for developing a treatment plan and giving an accurate prognosis . " Please go to the following link and check your pastures for these weeds that are VERY toxic to our equine . The results are " liver failure " . Please understand that the liver WILL NOT SHOW clinical signs of damage until it is 75 % damaged . At that point in time , the chances of the liver healing itself are very slim to none . That is why receipt of an emaciated horse , should be followed with BLOODWORK IMMEDIATELY ! Below are two letters that were sent to the Domino Effect Rescue Ranch , 1 to the Domino Effect Facebook account and the other to our e - mail account . Both of the letters came to us , one from Nikki Tobin on March 23 , 2012 , and the other from her mother , Maryann Tobin , on March 28 , 2012 , just 5 days later . Both of these ladies have been harassing and slandering our organization for months , along with posing threats towards us . I am sick to my stomach everytime I see that someone was stupid enough to give you a horse , I cry for that animal because I know the hell it is going to be forced to go through before some poor sap is suckered into buying it from you and I say buy not adopt because you don 't care who gets your animals , youre just in it for the almighty dollar , you don 't care about the animals you use them to pay your personal bils . I hate that I have to see the abuse that goes on daily at your place and knowing I cant do something emmediately about it literlly breaks my heart into pieces , I have seen photos of horse detioriorating in your care , horses without medical attention , horses without their feet done , if not for the sudden light being shed on you and your husband would you have made any changes at all ? Or just kept going the way you have been , This is not a personal vendetta it is about saving th animals from you , I don 't care about your past , I care about what you are doing now and its wrong , how you can continue to lie to people and feel like its ok its beyond me , more and more people are finding out the truth about you and it will all end soon , what you are doing is causing an uproar in the equine community and it will not be ignored ! You cannot continue to lie to people , threaten good homes with taking the horses back because you cant find anymore free ones to pick up and sell , you cannot continue to " foster " out the horses that need medical attention because you cant afford it , if you want to be a true rescue then do it right , plan ahead and have the money to care for the horses don 't rely on others to do it for you . What you do is not rescue it is horse trading plain and simple , once you admit that 's what you are things will be easier . Please stop hurting the animals for your own selfish reasons and only take in what you can afford or have room for , it doesn 't matter how many pens you build what you are doing is building a prison for the horses , it only takes two weeks for a thin horses to Sincerly Nikki Tobin P . S . I would love to run a series of articles singing your praises if you decide to play by the rules and go commercial . It 's a great human interest topic . There is no vendetta , just want you to play fair . Why don 't you put this on your blog . It makes perfect sense and would stop all the " drama . " That 's what you say you want , well here is the answer . There is something fundamental about the Domino Effect ranch scandal that is being missed and really needs to be pointed out . The Domino Effect ranch cannot legally operate as a non - profit business with two convicted felons at the helm . It 's just that simple . " I believe I 'd gone on there one time . I 'm not positive about it , " he said three years ago . " It 's a freedom of speech blog . " These people below have wrote " hate messages " about us as individuals and about the Domino Effect Rescue Ranch Inc . They posted these hate messages on a classified site , Craigslist , under the farm & garden section to insure that anyone horse - related would receive the messages they were posting . They wanted to be sure to cover the whole area surrounding the Domino Effect Rescue Ranch to influence those in the community against participating in or adopting animals from our ranch . They sent out hateful messages hiding behind an annonymous posting ID . You scream and cry that you are in the right when people show the truth about you yet you offer no real proof and cannot explain yourselves when asked the real questions . instead you try to point fingers at others instead of looking at yourselves and seeing the wrong that you have done and continue to do , there is no vendetta against you its always been about the animals , you arent Jesus so stop comparing yourself to him . people might start to take you seriously if you acted like an adult and told the truth , the facts are there nobody is lying about you if they were then Mike Deeson 's story would not have been allowed to air and Maryann Tobins articles would not have been allowed to stay up , you can stamp your feet and throw as many tantrums as you want and make as many petitions as you want theres no way to wiggle out of the truth , maybe you could try to answer these questions truthfully and without nasty comments or you could just keep yelling that everyone is lying and your the only ones right 1 . What is your reaction to the allegations of mistreatment ? Including under nourished horses , the severe wounds caused to the horse in Brooksville , selling horses several years older than you said they were , not refunding the adoption fees for horses you tried to take back , and not informing the Department of Agriculture & Consumer Services of your criminal charge on the Charitable Registration Application . Young with a squeaky clean record and proof of running a legit horse rescue LIES about you … Because she is jealous of you ? ? ? ? Hmmm sounds like you may have delusions of grander … . . Koran that has watched all that has happened with his very own eyes LIES about you … . Because he hates Christians ? ? ? ? ? Hmmmm Sounds like you should minister to him and teach him of the good works of Jesus … . . NOW WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND IS GOING TO BELIEVE YOU ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? I for one have seen enough EVIDENCE that shows your willful neglect over the time you have been involved in animals , Killing a pig because , Why exactly , you couldnt contain a wild animal and tried to " save " it … . Good job Bob … . . Epic FAIL … . . Young with a squeaky clean record and proof of running a legit horse rescue LIES about you … Because she is jealous of you ? ? ? ? Hmmm sounds like you may have delusions of grander … . . Koran that has watched all that has happened with his very own eyes LIES about you … . Because he hates Christians ? ? ? ? ? Hmmmm Sounds like you should minister to him and teach him of the good works of Jesus … . . NOW WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND IS GOING TO BELIEVE YOU ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? I for one have seen enough EVIDENCE that shows your willful neglect over the time you have been involved in animals , Killing a pig because , Why exactly , you couldnt contain a wild animal and tried to " save " it … . Good job Bob … . . Epic FAIL … . . Still you don 't get it ? Why are you announcing you are open for business ? You are disgusting . You are not a rescue , everyone knows that , you do not take care of your animals . You cram animals into your yard and THEN they need rescuing . Whoever , and I am pretty sure we ALL know who it is keeps putting stuff about Domino Rescue on here , please stop , This is not the place for it ! Oh and while you are looking on Craigslist , please see if they offer lives , because clearly you need one . I am a horse lover myself and own them , but GEEZ enough is enough , do you not have a job ? Or your own horses to feed , ride , etc ? My goodness let it go already ! Tonight is the Eve of Mike Deeson 's Channel 10 news report to be aired against the Domino Effect Rescue Ranch . These people who have been harassing us for months have managed to sell their lies to Mike Deeson at Channel 10 news . They claim that we are starving horses to DEATH ! ! ! We have NEVER had a horse starve to death or a horse that was EVER in danger of starving to death . These pictures were just taken today of our horses . We have documented pictures of our animals since DAY 1 , Please feel free to see for yourself . We have NEVER had starving horses here at the Domino Effect Rescue Ranch Poor , poor Domino … has so many haters 😥 Boo hoo … . . Why is it that so many can be deceived by the likes of Bob and Dinnelle Ashcroft … You all are a shameful bunch that cant see the forest for the trees … . These people arent hated … . What is hated is how they feel they can work outside of the law … They WERE CLOSED due to their unacceptable business practices and caring more for the money that the horses could bring in then the health and welfare of the horses … . Any serious person that wanted to know the truth can go to the state and find this out for themselves … . But NO … . they will stay with this sinking ship till they ALL figure out that they have been duped … I guess its easier to believe some turd 's crap than to do some legwork and find out that you have been misled into believing their line of BS … . I feel for you all that stand behind Domino Effect … You are no more than brainwashed zombies that are truly showing how uneducated you truly are and if Jim Jones were still alive , Ill bet you all would have been the first to drink the Kool aid … Grow up … Ignorance is not so becoming on you Bobo … Soooo another lie to your blinded faithful followers …… You are finished trying to defraud the good people of Hernando and surrounding counties … . You , by the settlement with the Great State of Florida , are no longer able to accept donations , act as a rescue and hopefully NEVER allowed near horses again . Your gig is up pal … . . You screwed with the wrong people and paid the price for your ignorance … . Now if you will just get the hell out of our town , maybe , and just maybe you can forgo the IRS from coming down on you … The choice again is yours … . Leave or face more prison time for defrauding our government ! ! ! ! ! But I should give you a heads up …… Your time is VERY short … make your move . Once again , Domino on their facebook are blaming others for their actions . The truth be known , Domino 's has been shut down . The only part true about their page is that … DUE TO INTERFERENCE FROM OTHERS , NOT LETTING US RUN OUR BUSINESS OUR WAY … is the truth . . your way though is the illegal way . You cannot expect to be treated like others that have lived their life crime free . Those people EARN the right to have more privileges then criminals do . If you say you have a big heart and want to help the animals , then do it . But do it the right way … . selflessness … . you only bring in the animals to make a profit . Until recently you never had the horses vetted , or had their feet done . I have been watching this drama for over a yr . I have seen you blame everyone but yourselves … those that you are blaming , DID NOT LIE ON A FEDERAL APPLICATION , those that you are blaming DO NOT LET THE HORSES GO WITHOUT EATING FOR DAYS , those that you are blaming ONLY CARE ABOUT THE ANIMALS IN YOUR CARE , and if you really cared about the animals , you would be asking for help in learning how to take care of them . You would know your limits , financially , emotional , and physically . You have blamed your neighbors , reporters , other rescues , for what though I ask ? What , because they care . Have you kept a horse in your care that needed extra care ? NO , you foster them out . You state you travel to take the horse to a good home , but yet , your " RESCUE " is a mess . Do you not know that a horse needs exercise ? Must not , because a pen that you have a horse in is just a small area . The new horse that you brought in the TB , 18 month old , he is already losing weight . Is this a real rescue ? No . Not at all . So please , learn from this experience . Do not bite off more then you can chew . Hold you head high Domino , because you have done the right thing here . . for the animals , and you should be proud of yourself . THIS IS THE FIRST TIME THAT YOU ARE ACTING LIKE A RESCUE . you have put the betterment for the horses first . YOU HAVE CLOSED . Now please find a real Location : Weeki Wachee Just seen the post on rescue work . What I see are kids without helmets , and we did this and we did that . ? ? ? ? That is a rescue ? Where are the pictures of the sick and skinny horses , where are the pictures of stacks of feed for the horses ? Where is the green grass ? This post mentions nothing about rescuing , it is a whole post of narcissistic behavior . ME ME ME ME ME Where is the talk about the care for the animals ? Where is there any info on what they do for their rescues at all ? Before and after shots , like most rescues sights ? ? It doesn 't even touch on the fact that there are animals that were rescued , other than " we are busting at the seams " and " pony rides on the rescued animals . " Don 't get me wrong there is NOTHING bad about pony party businesses as long as they are safe , IE kids wearing helmets ! ! ! ! Just say what you are , don 't try to come across as a rescue . What was the " 2 stall stable ? " Is that this rescues ' idea of shelter for their horses ? I hope not ! I have kept quiet , but the truth will set you free . . . . ANY RESCUE IS GOING TO GELD A STUD BEFORE THEY ADOPT IT OUT . Call any 501 . c3 equine rescue and ask them . No rescue wants to continue the reproduction of unwanted animals , it kind of goes against the whole point don 't you think ? Most all rescues that I know of make you sing a NO BREED contract for the mares when you take them home . In my opinion , this is NO RESCUE please give your horse to someone else , HPAF Beauty 's Heaven , anyone but these people ! ! They obviously see a rescue as a way to rescue their wallet . Get it free and sell it for a bunch or keep it and use it to make us money . In the Domino Effect ranch vendetta , Maryann Tobin is now being accused of placing ads against the ranch on Craigslist . But Domino Effect ranch is now guilty of the exact thing they are accusing Tobin of , which is not checking their facts . While someone may have posted a negative add about Domino Effect ranch on Craigslist , it was not done by Tobin . Tobin never did any such thing . If Domino Effect had their facts straight they would know that there was no mention by Tobin of EPM ; only a single copy of photo of a horse was submitted without any medical discussion . Domino Effect was not at that meeting , but I was - so I know they are lying . The list of false statements goes on in the Domino Effect vendetta against the entire Tobin family … all because they refuse to admit that they are , in my opinion , ashamed to admit the truth . So they are trying to hide the truth with more lies . And they call themselves ' Christians ' ? They don 't care about taking care of horses . If they did , they would feed them and take advice from more experienced horse people . Instead , they act like mentally unstable people who are delusional and psychotic , and have nothing in their hearts but hatred . Just read their blog if you have any doubt that these people are crazy and have turned a handful of news reports into an obsessed vendetta against an entire family - not just the author . It 's really sick and twisted . " Due to the inability to adopt out horses and lower our feed expenses , we have maxed out our financial capabilities . We are still fighting to stay above water , but we have too many unpaid debts to continue for too much longer . We have been shut off to advertising to the public , as we fight constantly to keep our ads active before they are deleted . With the negative publicity and constant attacks , we have been backed into a corner . We are praying for a miracle to bring us out of this financial bind before it is too late . Please repost any adoption ads that you may see come through the feed to help us move these animals . If anyone can help with feed , hay , or other animal supplies , we could use your help until we are able to downsize and start adopting out animals once again . Please keep us in your prayers , as we are looking to God for discernment on the right decisions to make regarding the rescue and its future . " For those who are disturbed by the reports on Domino Effect ranch , I submit that they do not understand the power of the First Amendment , and the rights provided in it for in Freedom of the Press . That is why they will NEVER have a case for harassment or anything else . ( Just look at the things being said in the 2012 election season - and there is your answer ! ) My investigative reports on Domino Effect are not the first to draw the attention of additional media outlets or the scrutiny of objections . During the Gulf Oil Spill , I wrote more than 500 articles that got more than 4 million hits world wide . Some of them were so provocative , they got the attention of certain US government agencies - so I am no stranger to tests of the power of the press , and the protections afforded by the First Amendment . Wow Domino Effect I 'm shocked . . Why are you spending your money from adoption fees on YOUR PERSONAL BILLS AND A CHRISTIMAS PARTY ? ? After just complaining you were broke and close to shutting down , now this … . And because we had this AWESOME breakthrough to place us back on our feet , we will be having our Domino Effect Christmas Party as planned on Saturday , December 10 , 2011 , starting at 4 : 00 in the afternoon until 8 : 00 in the evening . Everyone is asked to bring a dish for all to share . The children will be given horsey rides around the Christmas tree that will be centered in the yard with Christmas lights to light the way . " Due to the inability to adopt out horses and lower our feed expenses , we have maxed out our financial capabilities . We are still fighting to stay above water , but we have too many unpaid debts to continue for too much longer . We have been shut off to advertising to the public , as we fight constantly to keep our ads active before they are deleted . With the negative publicity and constant attacks , we have been backed into a corner . We are praying for a miracle to bring us out of this financial bind before it is too late . Please repost any adoption ads that you may see come through the feed to help us move these animals . If anyone can help with feed , hay , or other animal supplies , we could use your help until we are able to downsize and start adopting out animals once again . Please keep us in your prayers , as we are looking to God for discernment on the right decisions to make regarding the rescue and its future . " Look at these pictures and tell me is this how rescues are supposed to be treated … this is more like a zoo . Horse running around in front yard with other horses . This is a nightmare , someone has got to do something . . this is animal abuse . Shia was NEVER underweight or starving . Shia and Cheyenne colicked the very same day after being fed grain in the sand by Ted and Karen Koran at the back corner of our fence line where we could not see them for several weeks prior . Bob walked Cheyenne until she walked it off and was fine . After 14 hours of fighting for Shia 's life , my husband lost him early the next morning . The third picture in the Channel 10 News preview of a horse that is posing to be dead is Wild Child who is very much alive and as healthy as can be . A volunteer took this photo one day after he was brought in when Wild Child was sun bathing . He now still resides here at the Domino Effect Rescue Ranch as a permanent resident . Wild Child is a registered Thoroughbred whose father is D ' Wild Cat and mother is Wildly Celestial . Wild Child came to us unnamed , so we found it necessary to register him with a name and Wild Child was the perfect fit , especially if you came to the ranch and saw his demeanor . Wild Child is a 3 - year - old , Thoroughbred , bay gelding . Ted Koran has sent e - mails to HCAS , PETA , DOA , etc . admitting to feeding our horses in the sand . For months Ted Koran has been trying to convince the community that we are starving our animals to death . He put this picture together to persuade others into believing his lie . In this picture above is Shia in the Top left corner the day he came to the ranch . The big picture in the center is Sonny . He is claiming that both of these horses are the same horse . He is stating that horses come in healthy and then they starve and die in our care . As you can clearly see in these pictures , these are 2 different horses , Shia and Sonny . Shia colicked after the Koran 's were feeding him in the sand . Sonny is alive and well , living at a Thoroughbred farm here in Brooksville . Ted Koran is trying to convince the community and now a news reporter that we are starving our horses through this picture . Bob woke up this morning with a phone book in his hand calling attorneys and God asked him what are you doing ? Do you now have little faith after what I have brought you through ? This is not our fight to fight . God is our defender and we rest upon his mercy . With that said , Bob has now sat down , shut up , and is content with being still and waiting upon God . Within 1 hour after losing Shia to colic , HCAS was at our gates to investigate . Somehow , Ted Koran must have anticipated Shia 's death because he had called them the day prior to have them come out the very next morning . I will never know just how Ted Koran knew we would be dealing with such a detrimental situation for him to have HCAS notified of such a problem so quickly , unless he anticipated Shia 's death . Bob was off one day and I noticed Shia lying on the ground in the pasture . The neighbor , Tom , joined me in the back pasture to help me get Shia off the ground . I made a 911 phone call to Bob that one of the horses was down and in distress . He B - lined back to the ranch as quick as he could possibly return . Cheyenne had also gone down , both showing signs of colic . I am frozen in my boots . I have allowed myself to be held captive by the enemy through fear , anxiety , and my pride . It is time to break the chains … For those who have followed our story here at the Domino Effect Rescue Ranch have seen amazing things God has done up here at the ranch . Our vision , given by God , to open this ranch was given to us one year ago . Since then , we relocated from Port Richey to here in Weeki Wachee at Christmas time to follow through with the vision and open the Domino Effect Rescue Ranch - " People Helping Animals Helping People " In the first two months we were blessed with the first 40s animals and now after 7 months are up in the 90s . We have had the adventure of a lifetime in watching the ranch grow through the animals , building and establishing the ranch , our new environment , new faces , and friendly faces . We had our first Domino Effect Spring Fest in March with 130 people to include horsey rides , cookout , petting zoo , and Easter egg hunt . Following that we went on our first " Road Trip Domino Effect Birthday Party " and then the " Domino Effect Memorial Day Campout . " When we moved here in December , we met our neighbors , which was quite exciting for me , a new town and new faces . I knew we were planted here for a purpose . I knew God placed us with people that needed us spiritually and would be receptive to our Christian views and be hungry for the Word of God through us . We took class after class at CCWC and felt we were ready for what God had in store for us . Our neighbors , Ted and Karen Koran were great . They had a financial need , in which we helped them with food when we could send some that way . My neighbor had a health history of seizures and not too many friends because of other 's fear in her condition . I assured her I would stand by her in friendship . She has a huge heart for animals . I invited her over to be with the baby sheep after they were born to help us humanize them and be a part of spending time with these animals that were also trying to adjust to their new homes . She was excited and inquisitive as to each and every new animal that came our way to share with us her love for these animals . At this time , I was still networking through my e - mails and just getting familiar with Facebook . I added them on both my Facebook and e - mail list to insure that I would keep them updated with my newest stories , progress , and new tenants ( animals ) here at the ranch . We also shared personal information with them , which we tend to do as Christians , to show others where we used to be in our past and where God has brought us too victoriously . Bob and I both have skeletons in our closet , neither of us who have lived a perfect life , but now washed clean by the blood of Jesus to live now for God and do His will for His glory . It started early in March . The first weekend of March I had a meeting at my house on a Saturday morning for coffee and apple pie that another neighbor brought to share . I wanted everyone to be aware about the Domino Effect Spring Fest , which would be held here in 2 weeks , so not to alarm anyone or catch them by surprise . We explained the parking and asked their opinions , as to not offend anyone in our upcoming event . Shortly thereafter , March 11 , 2010 , I received an e - mail from my neighbor , Ted . I was sending e - mails of our progress here at the ranch , new arrivals , and devotionals that touched my heart in which I wanted to share with others . My e - mail list had grown to 300 + people that I was networking with . In all due respect my religious beliefs are very personal . I respect the concept of freedom of religion . I would never , ever preach my beliefs on anyone else and I am extremely offended that you are trying to force your beliefs onto us . I practice my beliefs every day by trying to be a decent , careing and animal loving human being . I have 4 rules that I adhere to which are : Don 't lie , Don 't steal , Don 't cheat and don 't hurt anyone . I live , learn and practice my way of life by observing the human condition as seen through the actions of all religions and beliefs of the world that are done in a positive and constructive manner . I am a man of the human condition and I don 't need a particular religious avenue to be a good citizen of the world , which is diverse and varies in so many ways of interacting with one another . If you can not communicate in a one on one , human nature without interjecting a religious point of view then we have nothing to say to each other . I am more than happy to share common interests and strive for the betterment of the human condition if but for the only purpose that it is the right thing to do . Period ! Please take us off your mailing list if you cannot or are unwilling to comply with my request . Four days before our Domino Effect Spring Fest we were busy trying to get the property cleaned up with burning tree limbs , leaves , etc . Up here in the woods , out in the boonies , it is still required to notify the police department of a recreational burn or burning debris . You must be up to code with all of their guidelines for the safety of the endless acres of woods and wildlife up here . Each and every time we starting our debris burn , complaints were called out to the Fire Marshall , who shortly showed up to the ranch , and each and every time we were within the guidelines in which were laid out for us . The Fire Marshall was also called out to our house in the middle of our Domino Effect Spring Fest in front of our 130 guests , in which there was no fire that had been lit that day . At this point , we realized our neighbors were trying to put the heat on us a bit , and just assumed as we were newcomers to the neighborhood ; they were making a point as to their seniority here and how they wished us to live in sync with their lifestyle . Once again , we blew it off . In fact , a month or so after this , they asked if we could put it all behind us that we just got off on the wrong foot . Bob and I , as Christians , definitely were not looking to offend anyone or anger anyone with our future plans here at the ranch . Soon after , we rescued a 200 - pound hog . I took a video of this lady and her hog as she told us his story and how she rescued him , herself . She mentioned that a neighbor had shot him twice with the bullets lodged in his head , but he survived through it , as she nursed him back to health . He became out of control as he grew in size . She could no longer control him and found us from one of our ads on Craigslist . We took him in with hopes to give him a good home . In just a short while , he became explosive . One of our first incidents , he escaped out from his fenced area into the llama pen . Whatever occurred at this time caused Lily , the llama , to jump a 6 - foot fence to get away from him . Bob used rebar and big , cement blocks to try to keep him contained . Every attempt to keep him contained failed . He was destroying his pen , dumping over everyone 's water , and destroying their homes , as he would break in one side of their caged homes and out the other . We were desperately trying to find a home for him . We had ads on Craigslist and also on Ocala Sales . In the second week of June , our neighbor , the Korans , called to tell us that one of their horses had fallen and would not get up . They didn 't know what was wrong with her , but felt that she would not make it through the night . They wanted us to know they would be burying it in the front of their property across from where our home lines up . I told him I was very sorry to hear this and offered Bob 's services if they were needed , but he had other arrangements for a backhoe to be brought in to dig up the ground . Just a few days later , June 22 , 2010 , the hog was at it again . He had gotten out of the pen again , tore through one end of the chicken coop and out the other , killing one of the chickens . He made his way to the other side of the property , in which he busted through fencing in the duck pen , in one side and out the other , injuring one of the ducks . He made his path to the bunny pen as well tipping it up on its side . Then his pathway was directed towards Max , our pit bull . Bob had absolutely had enough . The hog was now posing a threat to our animals , killing and injuring them , and possibly to us , as he was out of control . He went into the house and got his shotgun and with 2 shots put the hog down . Our neighbor , Ted Koran , knowing Bob 's past felony conviction from 23 years prior , used this opportunity against him . He called the sheriff 's department with complaints that a felon had just killed a pig with a firearm purposely setting Bob up for an arrest . The deputies showed up at the house as Bob had just finished burying the hog . They asked Bob what had happened and Bob honestly told them the truth about putting the pig down . They told him about their anonymous caller and asked Bob about his record . Bob again was honest and explained to them his prior conviction from 23 years before . Bob had brought the shotgun to the house , shortly before this , in case we had any problems with the hog . Knowing he shouldn 't have the shotgun , he brought it to our home for protection . He was arrested that night with bond the next morning . We have spoken with an attorney and know that this charge carries a minimum mandatory of 3 years . This neighbor has posted articles with the news media and on my FB page slandering our name and trying to ruin our reputation and the reputation here at the ranch . He has posted lies about Bob 's past , about the shooting incident , the condition of our animals and our ranch , and against our beliefs . He has publicly tried to shame us in all ways thought possible . As if this was not enough turmoil to deal with , the harassment continues . We had a horse that went down a week ago . Our friends had notified us that we had a horse down and offered his assistance in walking the horse . By this , I mean he would not get up , as if he had sand colic . Then within an hour after this , another horse went down . This now seems too suspicious for two horses to go down at the same time . We were able to revive the second horse and get her up and moving . Bob spent from that afternoon until 7 : 00 a . m . the next morning trying to get this horse to stand up and stay coherent , until the horse could no longer fight , and passed . Bob had exhausted every effort possible to save this horse . Our neighbors , Ted and Karen had seen this horse down off and on throughout the day , but never mentioned this to anyone . Our friends also informed us that these neighbors had been feeding our horses on the ground at the back fence for a few weeks throwing their old , left over hay and grain in the sand causing our horses to colic , with no permission given from us to feed them . Everyone knows you never feed horses grain out of the dirt . Also everyone knows that you never feed another man 's animals , as this causes them to deviate their routine . Our friend helped Bob for the most part of the night and early the next morning trying to get the horse up and moving . After they lost their battle fighting for this horse 's life , it was nearly 8 : 00 in the morning and everyone was exhausted . After Bob had returned to the house , we heard a horn blow at the front gate . Animal control was at our gate because our neighbor had called them with complaints of our starving , neglected horses . As she walked around the property from one section to the next , she commended us on how clean our property was and surprised to hear we had done so much here at the ranch in such a short period of time that we have lived here . She took pictures of all of the horses including the horse that had passed away that morning . The horse that passed was the biggest horse in size , well nourished , with good muscle tone . Every animal on our property was found to be in good shape and well nourished , except for one , which is on the thin side . We do have one horse that is thin and showing ribs . We brought him in to the ranch in March . He was thin when he arrived with pictures to prove and after he lost his winter coat , we realized he was a bit thinner than we thought . We were maintaining his body weight , but hadn 't found the proper way to build weight back on him . We tried weight gainer , which didn 't seem to do much good for him . I had called around to other rescue ranches seeking help and received a feeding regimen in which we had recently started him on . Animal control assured me that he too was not in danger of starvation , as the neighbor was trying to make claims . She reported the ranch and all of the animals to be in good condition and will return in 90 days to check on the thin horse to track his progress on his weight gain , as this is a slow process that does not happen over night . After animal control had left , Bob was mentally and physically exhausted , with an upcoming burial of a 1600 pound horse , he napped for a few hours . Later that evening everyone , including Bob 's friend joineThis infuriated our neighbor . His e - mails , calls to the Fire Marshall , calls to the sheriffs department , comments to Bob 's arrest article , slander on my FB , calls to animal control , nothing has put us out of the picture . Our friends asked if I had seen his FB page . Once he slandered my name , I blocked him from my FB and placed security on my account . He then had posted pictures of the thin horse asking for anyone to help him get justice for these horses , as they were starving and neglected . He also stole pictures off my husband 's FB page in order to get information on the horse that died and before pictures to show to all the horse that we " murdered " , as he would put it . He boasted on FB about bringing a reporter out the next day to do a story on us . Of course , with us seeing this , gave us an opportunity to put a stop to this . The reporter came out and talked with them for quite some time . Bob met him down the street after he had left in order to get his side of the story in on what this man is trying to do to our character and the mental anguish he has placed on us . Animal control also called and asked us to please come and pick up an e - mail he had sent to their superiors in attempt to go after animal control for passing the ranch and not agreeing with his claims . Throughout these past 2 months , I have had friends place judgment on us for Bob 's arrest . The mental anguish this man has put us through is immeasurable . Through all of this , not once have Bob and I done anything to retaliate against this man or be vindictive at any cause . Bob has a criminal history as a young adult , in which he did time for a felony charge , and has been clean since from any felon . These events have played such a role in our lives and altered our path we were on with the vision from God here at the ranch . Bob was in his shed the other day praying for God to give him peace from these horrible events that have taken place and insight on how to handle this mental anguish in which we are dealing with night and day . He said , " My heart started racing and I knew what it was I had to do . " He came in to tell me that God had placed the answers on his heart , but didn 't explain . He walked out the front door , up the neighbor 's driveway , and to his front door . Ted refused to answer the door . Bob called for him through the door and told him , " I just have to tell you that my God is bigger than this and I will not fight this on your level . I forgive you , Ted , for these things that you have done . " He said that after that he felt a peace come over him and has been back to his normal routine since , feeling at ease over the situation . These seven months will be remembered for years to come . I have had excitement in watching our vision unfold and watched someone try to crush it all in a heartbeat . But it isn 't about the neighbor at all , he just played his role well . This is about spiritual warfare . Since the day we stepped on this property to fulfill our vision that God had for us , we have been under attack . We have been attacked nonstop with trials hitting one right after another to involve every aspect of our well being . We have been attacked with our finances , marriage , family , animals , friends , neighbors , and now our marriage to be separated while he may spend time in prison . Does this mean that in all that has happened the vision must come to an end ? ABSOLUTELY NOT ! ! ! It has just begun . We have allowed the enemy to tear us down mentally , but no more . We are taking back what God has rightfully given us and will fulfill our purpose here . My son , who has not lived with me for 11 years , has moved back in to help , which is an absolute blessing to rekindle that relationship that I thought I had lost . Bob is teaching him to run the ranch and be self - supportive with the tree cutting business that Bob was doing . I do medical transcription from home , so this puts me here at the ranch 24 / 7 to keep an eye on the property and maintain the animals throughout the day . Our new friends , to the right of us , have offered their friendship and help here with the animals , who also believe in God as we do . God has given me another angle here at the ranch . We are at our limits on rescuing animals and overloaded with the financial aspect of taking care of the overhead , feed , and maintenance of these animals . It is time to get the " Domino Effect " rolling on a positive pathway back in God 's will for His glory . We cleared the living room out and combined the living area and dining area to one big room . Bob has built a 16 - foot table to accommodate 20 people . We will have our first Domino Effect Fall Fest here at the ranch in October . With this event , we will introduce the Domino Effect Birthday Ranch with a sneak preview of what your child will have to look forward to if he or she joins us here for their birthday party here at the ranch . We also will be setting up a date in November to schedule families to have Christmas portraits taken with the miniature horses with Christmas hats on the horses or their favorite animal here at the ranch to design this portrait into Christmas cards in time to be sent out . God has given us endless ideas and opportunity to work with these animals to help support the ranch . It will be a great work load put on myself and my family to try to financially and physically hold this ranch together without my husband , should the state imprison him for these charges . We will move forward in the Lord and in His Will we will prosper . We have chosen to bring this situation out in the open to clearly explain the chain of events that have taken place , so that we may seek peace in this situation . We are only in bondage , as much as we allow ourselves to be . God has made us victorious in Him and with this we will not hide or feel ashamed over events that have taken place . " not everyone will be excited about the vision God has for your life . As a matter of fact I can tell you that people in your field of life , people that are trying to seek the same promotion , people that desire the same goals and even people that aren 't seeking anything , they just don 't want you to have it if they can 't have it . I 'll keep going . There are people that aren 't willing to pay the price , people that aren 't willing to sacrifice , people that try to cut corners , people that have no values or character and people that simply think that it 's due them or rightfully theirs . " " God is working out a vision through someone that will give him the glory for it at every stage . Just like Joseph , your heart will no doubt break because of the people that you thought were with you , only to find out that they were merely waiting for an opportunity to move you over and slip in your place … people that you spent time with and shared your heart with . So try to have the attitude of forgiveness and be like Joseph and realize that no matter what people do , God can turn it around and use it for good and even heal wounded relationships in the process . " We pray that our family and friends will understand this situation we are going through and stand behind us in support . If anyone can financially or physically help out here at the ranch , please contact me . ANY donations at this point would be extremely helpful to help maintain these animals until we can get back on track . We are still in need of building supplies for a few shelters as well . There are many areas we could use a helping hand in getting the ranch set up for the Domino Effect Birthday Ranch . We will press forward in faith to keep the ranch going in fulfilling our vision here in God 's Will . Please keep us in your prayers .
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The tree is up . There 's 3 ornaments on it so far . It 's hard enough to put it up so early no less have to decorate it . But being that our whole life revolves around Christmas all year long , why wait another moment to put the tree up . Heck , I 'm shocked it didn 't go up earlier ! I don 't know if all kids with Autism go through ' obsessions ' , but I know many that do . Sometimes they can last for a few weeks , and sometimes , as in our case , well over a year . It started with something simple I 'm sure , maybe a book or a tv show , but it snowballed . Fast . Uncontrollably . At first it was fun , who doesn 't love Christmas ? ! ? And , I was ok with it because Alex was actually interested in something . It kept his interest , encouraged pretend play , and made him happy . What more could I ask for ? And here we about 14 months later . I just looked at this post and realized just how long it has been . Funny how at that time I really thought it would just fade away . That same toy is still sitting across from me as I type , and many have joined it . People have been complaining the last few weeks about radio stations starting Christmas music early ? I have a steady rotation of cds in my car , all Christmas music , all year long . Want to watch a dvd in our house ? Your first choices would be Frosty , Olive the Reindeer , Elmo 's Christmas , or Christmas Eve on Sesame . Feels weirds sitting in the air conditioning in mid - July singing ' Keep Christmas with You . ' I can go on , but I 'm sure you get the point . Let me clarify that I 'm not complaining here . I 'm happy he 's happy . It 's more of a vent I guess . Some days it gets overwhelming . Sad even . And when the real Christmas rolls around and I have no desire to celebrate because I feel like I 'm stuck in the movie Groundhog 's Day , I feel bad . What kind of mom doesn 't want to put the ornaments on the tree ? Well , right now the answer is : this mom . I 'm sure as the weeks progress and it feels more like Christmas I 'll be able to be more excited . But right now I 'll just continue to sit here on my rocker and watch The Santa Clause . 2 comments : Baby Einstein has been in the news alot lately , with parents complaining that the dvds do not make children as brilliant as the company claims . Shocker . If you are not satisfied with your dvds , you can return up to four titles , in orginal box , for either exchanges or better yet full refunds of $ 15 . 99 per dvd . Some lists I come across are very serious , some are silly . Mine is a happy combination of the ridiculous and sane . I can think of tons to be thankful for this year , but I 've chosen my top things to showcase . Happy Thanksgiving everyone ! My Mom and Dad - they are my go - to people . If I need anything , they are no farther than a phonecall away , and my dad even closer . Some days would be so hard to get through without his help My coffeepot - it has served us well for about 2 years now . Serves me hot , perfect coffee every morning . Without it I 'd be a bumbling fool . Mr . Bear was a gift for Alex from my mom when he was born . Chris got one from her too when he was born . Both bears have been through everything , and yet they still cling to life . Alex relies on his bear way more than Chris , so his looks like it 's been dragged behind the car for a good amount of time . While still cute , he shows his age . Over the last few months we 've tried to lessen the use of bear . He went from coming everywhere with us , to staying in someone 's pocket while out , then just a picture of him would come with us , and now he stays home . Of course Alex takes him to bed with him , and getting ready for bed is when our near death tale occured . Alex was going through the nightly routine in the bathroom , and somehow Mr . Bear fell in the potty . Ew yes , but it gets worse . Not only did he fall in , but Alex flushed ! ! Thank goodness Chris is a quick kid , and without thinking twice put his arm in and pulled out Mr . Soaking Wet Peed On Bear just as only his head was sticking out of the hole . After a lot of cleaning up and drying off ( thanks Mary ! ) everyone was safe and went off to bed . No amount of money could replace Mr . Bear and the many ways he 's helped Alex over the last few years . He 'll never know how close he came to being one with the earth . Tomorrow I will be posting my thankful list , and I know if Alex had a list , Mr . Bear would be right at the top . Everyone knows I love my Wii Fit . I 've used it plenty over the last year , but as time goes on it 's just not keeping my interest anymore . So over the weekend I did some research and found a handful of new exercise - based games for the Wii . Some that got a ton of hype got terrible reviews from users , so they were easy to weed out . I narrowed my search down to two choices : Gold 's Gym and EA Sports Active . I chose EA Sports Active because the other game was less rounded . EA has a ton of different exercises , set workouts , and a journal to keep track of your progress . I decided to jump right in and start with the 30 day challenge . Today is Day 3 of my challenge . Even though I chose the easiest of the 3 levels of the challenge , it 's certainly not easy - I 'm very sore today ! Hopefully I can see the challenge through , and what better time than now during holiday eating season . Maybe I can share my progress here each week : ) I 've decided to give a non - crockpot recipe today , but still an easy one nonetheless . I know some people only use the grill in warmer months , but here we use it throughout the year . We keep a shovel out on the back deck , and make a clear path to the grill all winter . 4 . When ready to flip the chicken , flip it onto the foil side of the grill , and top with cheese mixture . Close grill and cook until done . I serve this one with a salad . It has a beautiful fresh flavor and I know if you try it you will make it many times over . Enjoy ! Happy Friday everyone ! After a long morning waiting for / watching New Moon , I 'm glad to have this post ready to go . Here 's a few freebies to start your weekend off right ! Today is another one of those days where I had something funny to write about , but then got sidetracked . After reading a post from my awesome friend Courtney , I just knew I had to share it with my blog friends . I want to share it because it 's a great blog to follow , she 's a great person , and the post itself will ring true to many moms I know . So thanks for stopping by to see me , but I want you to leave now , and go read Courtney 's latest post RIGHT HERE ! ! Kids are screaming , phone is ringing . FedEx guy is ringing the doorbell , dinner is bubbling over . Homework isn 't done , laundry isn 't folded , kids need a bath . Typical evening to any mom ! When I have a day like that , I already know ahead of time there 's no escaping it . Just keep moving , don 't stop think or get upset . But every once in a while I just stop in my tracks and close my eyes . I picture my favorite spot in the world to be . It 's quiet , it 's beautiful , and most importantly , in my mind it 's kid - free . Cape Cod was my home away from home every summer until I got married . Sometimes I 'd only get to stay for a weekend , but once in a while grandma would decide we could stay for a few weeks . The beach was a few blocks from the house . I have more memories of being there than I can even describe , and even though I don 't get to visit there much anymore , I still think of it often . Sitting on the huge rocks , just watching the water and thinking of nothing is where I daydream to . What place does your mind wander to when you need to escape a hectic day ? Yes , I love music . Yes , I talk about it too much sometimes . This morning when I woke up I already knew what I was going to write about today ( not music ! ) . But later in the day I went to lunch with hubby and younger son and a new topic took over my thoughts . Music in public places ! Sometimes you may not even realize that there 's music playing when you 're in a store or restaurant . But sometimes , you 'll hear it , start to hum without thinking about it , and before you know it you 'll be saying ' O MY GOD I used to love this song ! ! ! ' But then , there 's those times , especially as you get older , that you 'll go into a store and want to get out as fast as you can because the music is too loud or obnoxious . I 'm not quite there yet myself , but I 've been with my mom on numerous occasions and have witnessed her unraveling and fleeing within seconds , telling me she 'll wait out front . I 'm sure my day will come too . I can tell you that I shop at one local supermarket more than others because I LOVE the music they play there . May sound super weird to you , but when food shopping becomes a source of peace and quiet away from the kids , you want it to be as enjoyable as possible . I don 't even bring my iPod when I go to that store . Today 's lunch was at Friday 's . More than a handful of times either me or hubby bopped along to some great 90s tunes . Gave us something to talk about over lunch and share memories of when the music was current . I can go on and on about different places and their music . It 's something I look for ( or I guess listen for ) when I shop , almost everywhere I go . Take a listen next time you 're out and about and see how the music affects your experience with that business . Probably more than you realize . Chicken Marsala has always been one of my favorite meals . But the all the preparation and steps that need to be taken to make the meal can be a real hassle on a busy weeknight . So last week I decided to try making it in the crockpot . I had no recipe , but I 've made regular chicken marsala enough times to know what should be in the pot . Husband was away on a business trip , so my dad and I tried it out . Let me tell you how fantastic it was ! Not only was it the heart - warming taste I had hoped for , but the chicken was more tender than when I make it the traditional way . So try this over the winter and let me know how you like it , or how you changed the recipe to make it your own ! I 'm going to try to do this every Friday , since it 's been a part of my weekly routine as long as I can remember . My sister and I have a saying : " If it 's free , it 's for me . " So true . What I 'd like to do is give a few links to free items that are worth getting , and more importantly , that you don 't have to jump through hoops for . Nothing worse than finding a link for a freebie , then having to answer a 6 page survey , not even knowing if you 'll actually ever receive said freebie ! I did a post a while back about some songs I could not live without on my iPod ( well , iPhone now , same thing ) . I was going to make a new list since it 's been a while , but as I started thumbing through my playlist , I realized I just had to tell about one artist instead . She 's not super well known , and I really think she should be . Sharon Jones and the Dap - Kings are out of sight . She has the standard issue background of church singing , backup singing , and in 2001 they finally formed their group . In 2007 their album 100 Days , 100 Nights was released . It 's soulful Rhythm and Blues , and man can she sing . I love all kinds of music , but I especially love music of the 50s and 60s . The power in Sharon 's voice reminds me of some top ladies of that time . Why is it that people get nervous about telling a company how they really feel about a product or service ? They complain they don 't like something to friends or family , but then never do anything about it . I get so aggravated when I see that happening . We are consumers . We pay good money ( too much these days ) for goods and services from companies and people we trust . Sure , sometimes it 's just what we hoped for , and positive feedback for a job well done or product satisfaction is nice too . But it 's our job , as the paying consumers , to let these businesses know how we feel . How else are they going to improve their attitudes , products , food , etc ? I like to voice my opinion and sometimes a bit loudly . As long as I 've been in the consumer market I 've been telling businesses how I feel . Sure , sometimes it falls on deaf ears , sometimes they yell back . But sometimes , they are pleased to have the feedback , and compensate me for my time , ideas , problems , etc . Some things I 've gotten over the years are : $ 30 diaper coupons ( that 's $ 30 each coupon ! ) , tons of free food coupons , new jackets , new sneakers , product logo hats and bags . I can go on and on . Sometimes I write letters , sometimes I make phone calls , and sometimes I just walk right into the store . When I was teaching 6th grade many moons ago I decided to teach my class about being a good consumer . I asked them all if they were ever unhappy with a product or business . Strangely , even at that age most of them were . We worked together on letter writing and each student sent a letter to a company of their choice . After a few weeks of waiting replies started to come in ! Some got freebies , some coupons . I remember one girl telling a film company she couldn 't find b & w film anywhere and they sent her a few rolls ! And while not all students received a reply or a compensation , it was proof to them that they matter . Their feedback was important , even at such a young age . I just read a funny Q & A somewhere asking about gum etiquette and how to tell people it 's offensive . Yes , cow chewing is a bit obnoxious , but I wouldn 't say offensive . But I 'm here to represent the gum snapping , bubble blowing people of the world . I do it , I love it , I make no apologies for it . Anyone who knows me knows I 'm almost always chewing gum . It 's in every pocket of every jacket or bag that I own . I have downgraded to sugar free over the last few years , but once in a while splurge for a real piece of Hubba Bubba . I love gum . I love trying new gums . I stand at the checkouts in stores for an extra few minutes just seeing if there 's any new gums to try . And sadly , as I 'm typing , I just got up to see if there was any gum in the kitchen because it 's now stuck in my mind . Some people bite and chew their nails ( gross ) , twirl their hair , shake their knee , slurp soup , talk on cell phones too loud , and my list can go on and on . Yes , some are just annoying habits , but some are stress relievers . Do you eat when you 're stressed out ? Yell for no good reason ? Well , I snap my gum . And not only do I do I use the gum as my stress reliever , it also helps me to not eat when I shouldn 't , and it helps me when I 'm thinking something through . I don 't know how I 'd cope some days without having gum . It 's my drug of choice . It keeps me sane . So the next time someone is snapping gum and pissing you off , try to give them the benefit of the doubt . Maybe they are just having a really crap day . Husband had to go to DC this week to the XM studios . DJs , celebrities . I asked if he was taking the camera , and he said he would so I could see who might pop up in the studios . I told him I didn 't really care about celebrities ( even though I read US Magazine obsessively ) and he didn 't buy it . " You 're telling me , if Billy Joel was in the studio , you wouldn 't care and want a picture ? " I tried to play it cool and of course again said no , have seen him plenty in concert , he 's just a regular person , etc etc . ( See pic at left as he serenaded me years ago : ) Then I really thought about that this morning . Of course I 'd want to see him ! He 's surely on my short list of musicians I admire . Saw a few concerts , all awesome , but to meet him would be peachy . If my dad wasn 't old and retired and still worked at Sony Records , I 'm sure I would have gotten the chance eventually . Sadly , now I have to act like every other old mommy acting like a Woo girl at his shows ( Woo girl , you know , the ones that scream and yell ' woooohooooo ! ' ) But if you happen to know Mr . Joel or know a way for me to get to where he is ever , feel free to let me know . I 'm Shameless , and am Keeping the Faith . Don 't Ask Me Why , but he 'll always be my Piano Man . ( Wow , I got 4 songs in there , wasn 't sure that would work lol ) 4 . When chicken is cooked through , remove chicken from mixture , put sour cream in crock and mix . Then place chicken back in . Sometimes when I 'm lazy I leave the chicken in and mix it all up , but it does break up sometimes . That 's it ! I serve it with some Goya Rice and some sweet corn cake and everyone is happy . Of course if you 're feeling wild since you saved so much time making dinner , make some fresh guacamole and salsa . Enjoy ! Did you know that heat loss through windows and doors can account for up to 50 % of your heating bill ? Especially true with older homes that are not insulated as well . Sometimes as I sit here on the couch next to the window I can even feel a bit of a draft . But something as simple as hanging thermal curtains makes a world of difference . There are a few different types and they may have different names when you see them . Thermal , felt backed , insulated , foambacks , window quilts . But all have the same purpose in life : to keep your family warmer and to save you money . Now I must say , sometimes they are not the most attractive curtains on the market , and usually they are backed in white ( drives my sister crazy ! ) But sometimes the necessity has to outweigh the fashion . Here 's a pair I just found , and I say pretty trendy ! These types of curtains do tend to cost a bit more than regular panels , but if you find a sale and buy a set you really like , they will last you many , many years . I bought one set when we first built our house , then another for the dining room the following year . I put them up around this time every year and keep them up through spring . Well worth the investment and certainly helps on those quick climbing bills ! Of course studies show that breakfast really is the most important meal of the day as far as your health goes . But I also believe it 's the most important way to start the kids ' day . Sure , every morning can 't start off fun and smiley , but I try as often as I can to get them out the door in a good mood . Today this helped a ton : Oatmeal topped with a smiley of whipped cream and some rainbow sprinkles . Easy , quick , and can make a world of difference in the day at school . Happy Tuesday ! Sometimes you know you should make dinner , but just don 't feel like it . Well , if you have a few easy ingredients and an almighty crockpot you 're all set . Here 's my recipe of the week ( yes , I 'm going to try weekly ! ) Selfishly I tried to make the switch to Wordpress today . Hours wasted to try to learn their ways , and after complete discouragement I gave up . I just figured it would be neat to blog from the iPhone . Turns out I found a free little app for blogger which I 'm testing out now ! Hopefully I 'll be here more now - Happy November everyone : ) Busy mom of 4 awesome kids . I live on coffee . I don 't need sleep . I love to teach . My current BFF is my iPad . I bake like nobody 's business . Crafts of any kind rock . My closet overflows with the prettiest shoes of the season . Life before Tivo was time wasted .
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Monday , June 30 , 2008 SP12 QOTW Question of the Week # 3So far we 've had a lot of fun with " summer related " questions , now it 's time to answer a " knitting related " one . What would you consider the perfect amount of stash ? Oy . I guess the perfect amount of stash is having whatever you need on hand for any spur - of - the - moment , birth - announcement , gift - idea , sweater - quantity project you might decide to do . Realistic , right ? Labels : secret pal 12 posted by Jennifer Lori @ 11 : 58 AM 3 comments Friday , June 27 , 2008 so who did * you * talk to this week ? So . Yesterday . It started innocently enough . Maaike was having a hard time with a pattern she 's knitting , and on Tuesday night she 'd emailed me to see if I could bring my copy of the pattern to work so we could discuss it via msn / email . She 's knitting the Puzzle Pillow Blanket out of Meg Swansen 's Handknitting ( yes , the Meg Swansen , Elizabeth Zimmermann 's daughter ) , and was stuck when trying to follow on of the directions . Long story short , the pattern says something to the effect of " start at D , knit across to A , turn and knit back . You are now at A . " Well , um . . . no . No you 're not . You 're back at D . Maaike was back at D , and when I looked at the pattern I couldn 't see any way you would be anywhere but D . Maaike Googled . I Googled . I checked Schoolhouse Press ' errata page . We checked Ravelry . There was no online mention of any problems in the pattern , not even in the blurbs of the 6 other people in Ravelry who had knit / are knitting it . Finally Maaike sent me an msn message - Maybe I should just email Schoolhouse Press . I hear sometimes Meg herself answers the phone ! I offered to call for her , since I knew that while we were both at work , she was surrounded by bosses and coworkers , and I was surrounded by . . . Jakob . I didn 't think he 'd rat me out . Maaike said she 'd appreciate it , and since I understood the problem , yes , could I please call for her . I called . They have a technical line so I called that and told the girl who answered that I had a problem with one of the patterns . It was easier to say * I * was knitting it and had a problem , rather then to start explaining that I was calling for a friend . She asked which pattern and I told her , and she said " hold on please " . The next thing I hear is : " Schoolhouse Press , this is Meg . How can I help you ? " I think my exact response was " MRPHG - * gulp * ( remember to breathe ) OH ! Hi ! " Once I 'd composed myself I explained the problem to her , and after a few minutes of trying to rationaliposted by Jennifer Lori @ 3 : 38 PM 5 comments Thursday , June 26 , 2008 yet more dishcloths On Tuesday night I finished the green & white dishcloth . You can see there is 1 tiny mistake where I forgot to slip the white stitch and accidentally knit it - but I like leaving a mistake in every project ( except commissioned ones ) , so I 'm not going to fix it . The back is pretty , in its own way . I wouldn 't knit a sweater like this . . . but it 's not horrible . The same night I cast on for a pink & white one . I finished it tonight at the West Island Knits meetup . I couldn 't get any knitting done last night because we had my mom 's retirement dinner . It was a lovely night with good food and some really great speeches , but I was zonked by the time I got home , and after chatting with my friend Debbie ( who had babysat for us ) I just crashed and went right to bed . I 'm going to do one more in orange and white ( so they all can clash , lol ) then will move on to some other parts of this gift package . Then , if I have time before the party , I will do a few more of these in other colors . I have a CRAZY story to share , but it is a long post and I 'm wiped , so I will head off to bed , and leave you in suspense until tomorrow . . . Labels : Ballband Dishcloth , FO posted by Jennifer Lori @ 10 : 25 PM 2 comments Wednesday , June 25 , 2008 by the way . . . * I * can 't show you yet what the Phlox Socks look like , but if you want to click here , you can see Stephanie 's lovely pair . Yes , the Yarn Harlot Herself has knit my socks , and made the cutest little modification . Of course , I can 't tell you what the modification is until I can tell you some details about the pattern ( July 1st ) , but feel free to go on over and check hers out . You can also see them on Ravelry if you prefer , hers are here , and the pattern 's page is here . - - - Now then , this isn 't just the Phlox Socks blog , folks . There has been other knitting going on at Casa Del Jennifer . Yet another Ballband Dishcloth has sprung forth from my needles . I don 't have the photos with me here at work , but I 'll post them here and on Ravelry later tonight , I hope . I 've finished the green and white one and have begun a pink and white one . I 'll be leaving work in a little bit to go to Mackenzie 's bris , and it will be a nice little diversion from my day ( although I 'll probably enjoy it a lot more than Mackenzie will ! ) . Jakob will get to see his cousins , and I 'll get to have lunch with Yannick for a nice change . Labels : Phlox Socks posted by Jennifer Lori @ 10 : 40 AM 3 comments to Anne from the comments Hi Anne , I couldn 't email you because your comment wasn 't linked to a profile or email address , so I hope you come back to the blog to look for an answer ! Yes , the yarn and pattern for the Phlox Socks are available seperately . In fact , only the 30 people who bought the June kit got them together . From now on the pattern will be available through me ( as of October 1st ) and the yarn is available through Biscotte & Cie , the hand - dyer who provided it for the pattern . Although it is called Alexandrite in the pattern , she is selling it as African Violet . http : / / www . biscotte . etsy . comI hope you get your hands on some , it is a great yarn ! Labels : Phlox Socks posted by Jennifer Lori @ 9 : 44 AM 5 comments Monday , June 23 , 2008 the good , the bad and the ugly ( long ) Sorry for the radio silence , but I went to Toronto for the weekend and don 't like to advertise on the blog that I 'm going away . ( Although I think I did mention that I was going away . . . I just didn 't want to confirm " I 'm leaving NOW " ) . Do you think it was overly optimistic to have packed this much yarn for one weekend ? Asked me if I used even one - eighth of it . Go on , ask me . My mom , our cousin Mona , Jakob and I left on Friday morning . I sat in the back with Jakob and finished Eden 's Shrug . The photos I 'd taken in the car came out awful , so here are some nicer ones that I took the next afternoon at my aunt 's place ( where we stayed ) . The shrug came out really cute ! It was such a fast knit , and I love the fabric obtained by using the Cotton Look on slighty larger needles than normal . I was worried it looked HUGE for the 12 month size , but I tried it on Jakob and it was only a little loose , which is perfect . ( No photos of my son in a pink bolero , sorry ! ) Here 's the back view . You can almost tell how light and sheer this is if you look at where the back is lying on the fronts - you can just see through it . It is EXACTLY what I wanted to achieve and I 'm really , really happy with how it turned out . Having finished the shrug and still having about an hour to go in the drive ( I didn 't knit the whole time - Jakob refused to sleep and I had to keep him distracted ) I pulled out the yarn and pattern to knit the Velvet Oblivion ( Ravelry link ) from Knitty . This was the first project I had ever bought yarn for that became stash , and it has been sitting in my stash since the summer of 2004 when the pattern came out . I 'm putting together a gift package for my cousin 's fiancé 's bridal shower in 2 weeks , and I wanted to include a luxurious face mask . It is a PAIN to knit because I didn 't realize my yarn was slightly thicker than the yarn called for in the patter , and the needle size is deliberately smaller to obtain a blackout fabric . posted by Jennifer Lori @ 11 : 28 PM 3 comments Friday , June 20 , 2008 693 Holy cow . My silly little blog jumped from an average of 30 visitors each day to 740 ( ! ! ! ! ! ! ) yesterday ! Of those , 693 ( ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ) of you got here by following a link on the Yarn Harlot 's website . Wow . And she didn 't even post a photo of the full sock ! Y ' all came on over based on a teaser ! I 'm flattered ! I 'm also guessing that you 're not here for Jakob , or to find out what I 'm knitting now . So here is the information you 're probably looking for : " Phlox Socks " is the pattern I designed for the Robyn 's Nest June Sock Club Kit . I put a little teaser of my own in the left sidebar over there because I need to give international members a chance to receive their kits before I post the full photo . ( Any of you who have received your kits can post photos , by the way . It 's only me who needs to wait ) . : ) I 'll be posting photos and full details of the sock here and at the sock 's page on Ravelry on July 1st . The pattern will be available for purchase on October 1st . ( Sock club members have a short exclusivity on the pattern ) . I hope it will be worth the wait ! - - - In other news , I 'm still rushing to finish Eden 's shrug . I don 't have a photo to show you , as my camera is packed . After running around to pack up Jakob 's and my stuff last night , I didn 't have the energy to sit down and do any more knitting . I have finished the front ribbing and only have the narrower back ribbing and cuffs to do . I 'm sure I can finish them and the seaming in the car , if necessary . As an aside - why is it that for every trip , even day trips , * I * end up running around like a chicken with no head ticking stuff off of lists to make sure I 've packed everything for myself and Jakob , food , clothes , toys , etc . . . while Yannick calmly watches TV or whatever then last minute throws some of his clothes in a bag and calls himself " packed " ? I 'm not complaining , really - I 'd much rather know that I did the packing so I know everything is there and nothing is missing . . . but it does irk me a bitposted by Jennifer Lori @ 8 : 43 AM 7 comments Wednesday , June 18 , 2008 a week of pink knitting I finished the Mary Maxim contest thingie on Sunday afternoon , right in between brunch with Yannick 's family and dinner with my family . They should have recieved it already ( must go check that online ! ) and the judging takes place next week , so once I hear back from them I 'll post some photos of that project . Once we 'd got home and put Jakob to bed I swatched for Eden 's shrug . I swatched the Cottonlook first because I really wanted to use it , and luckily I got gauge easily with the required needles . It 's such a completely different fabric than I would have obtained with the Decor - the CL can actually be used on smaller needles so working on a 5mm results in a slightly open fabric that has a lot of drape , but the yarn ( which is probably an acrylic / cotton blend ) behaves as if it were a cotton / linen blend . In fact , it feels / looks remarkably similar to the Sirroco yarn I 'd used for my Shapely Tank a few years ago . In any case , it will be a nice , light garment that will be perfect to wear over a short sleeved or tank topped dress . So the swatch was done on Sunday , and then I ripped it out and began the shrug itself . The above photo shows my progress when I went to bed Sunday night . I tried to get a closeup of the knitting but it doesn 't do the drape of the fabric justice . This is where I was as of Monday night . It 's a fast knit ! There is no Tuesday night progress photo because I had no Tuesday night . I don 't know what came over me , but I was yawning during my whole drive home from work , and once Yannick came home and was able to take over playing with Jakob , I just crashed . I was actually asleep BEFORE 8pm for the first time in . . . I can 't even remember how long . Here 's last night 's progress . All that remains to do is to pick up around the neck / back and do a few rows of ribbing , then the same thing on each cuff . I 'm hoping to finish it tonight so it will be ready and wrapped before we meet Eden for the first time . Labels : Eden 's Sposted by Jennifer Lori @ 11 : 26 PM 3 comments Sunday , June 15 , 2008 Happy Father 's Day ! A big " Happy Father 's Day " to all the fathers , grandfathers , foster parents , step - fathers , and any man who makes a positive difference in a child 's life . You rock ! In honor of Daddy 's Day , I 'll share with you some photos of Yannick and Jakob at the park on Saturday evening . . . . watching the planes go by . Jakob HAS to stop , stare and usually point EVERY time a plane goes by . He loves them ! . . . watching a squirrel run up a tree . . . . and exploring the " jungle " pathway near our house . We had a really fun time at the park , and I was so happy to watch them together that I didn 't mind pushing the empty stroller around . Honest . ; ) We hit a little milestone last week - Jakob is no longer in his bucket ! He 's officially tall enough to be out of it , AND is past the weight maximum , so I brought him over to the police station and had a nice officer install his new car seat for me . It 's also his first time being forward - facing in the car , and it took him a day or so to get the confused look off of his face . I knew the Mary Maxim submission would be coming to an end soon ( I have to mail it on Monday ) , so I started pulling out my supplies for the next project . These are my two yarn choices for Eden 's shrug : The first is some pink Cindy Cotton Look that I inherited from my grandmother . I have 2 huge cakes of this stuff , and no ideas for a good project . I thought it would be really sweet for the shrug , and if the gauge works out , this is my first choice . As a second option , I have more of my seemingly - never - ending supply of dusty rose Patons Decor . I swear this stuff seems to multiply in my stash . I 'm sure the gauge will work for this , but it would make a much different garmet , much heavier and " wintery " , and I hope I don 't have to use it . I 'm sure I have a ton of other options in my stash too , should neither of these work . But I 'll be swatching tonight and will have a better idea of what will work later . Labels : Eden 's Shrug posted by Jennifer Lori @ 11 : 59 PM 6 comments Saturday , June 14 , 2008 no kay eye pee for me While much of the knitting community celebrates WWKIP day ( World Wide Knit In Public Day ) , I didn 't really get a chance to participate . I would have loved to have been with my fellow guilders at the annual end - of - the - year garden party , and I would also have loved to be with the West Island Knitters over at the food court at Fairview ( and not only for the vast array of food - yum ! ) . But , alas , I had to work today . My only bit of knitting solidarity was to work a few rows at lunch time , while I re - read a Cory Doctorow short story and ate last night 's leftover risotto . ( Yay for the auto - scroll feature in eReader ! ) . I wasn 't about to ask for the day off when I 'm going to get a very nice deal over the next two months - the week of the St - Jean Baptiste holiday my store switches from Tues - Sat to Mon - Fri . I have Jakob 's playgroup on Monday afternoons . I was heartbroken at the thought of not being able to go for 2 months ( I mean Jakob was , yeah , that 's it ) so we arranged a deal : I will go in from 9 - 12 , give Jakob lunch , then leave for playgroup . My mom , who will have retired by then , will go in from 12 - as long as she can stand it and replace me . I can 't believe they 're letting me do this , so I 'm not going to try and pull any " favors " for a while ! Knitting news - I 've almost finished the Mary Maxim submission . I have decided against doing a second design - mostly because everything I come up with I like too much to give away . So the one design it is . I 'll be losing the $ 5 entry fee , but saving my sanity . A fair trade ! ( Nice to know my sanity is only worth $ 5 , but hey ) . So I 'm already thinking about my next project , which is for baby Eden and needs to be done by next weekend . I went through some of my pattern books and Ravelry , and decided to do the Debbie Bliss Baby Shrug . ( Ravelry link here , non Ravelry link here ) . It 's a free pattern , it 's really cute and is perfect for layering . I 've already added it to my Ravelry notebook here for thosposted by Jennifer Lori @ 3 : 57 PM 1 comments Thursday , June 12 , 2008 SP12 QOTW This week 's question is : " What 's your favorite summertime beverage ? " Hmmm . . . I don 't drink , so my favorite summertime beverage is probably the same as my favorite any - other - season beverage . I 'll go with " water " , since I 'm trying to drink more of it . My second favorite would be either iced tea or soda , but I 'm trying to cut back on caffeine and get somewhat healthier , so water it is ! Still knitting along . Labels : secret pal 12 posted by Jennifer Lori @ 11 : 26 AM 2 comments Wednesday , June 11 , 2008 no pressure , really I know this is totally inane but I was leaving a comment on a blog I stalk read and this was my " verify that I 'm a real human " word . I thought it was too cute ! I want to knit a lufbug ! I 'm getting close to the 3 / 4 mark of the first Mary Maxim contest submission , and am starting to think about upcoming deadlines . I think I do this every year - berate myself for imposing them , then impose new ones all over again ! Here 's the current plan , posted both to give me a push and to remind me later : 1 . Finish Mary Maxim sub # 12 . Design and knit Mary Maxium sub # 23 . Go to the post office next Monday ( ! ) and mail subs 1 & 2 to Ontario4 . Spend the week knitting something for my friend Bernie 's brand new daughter , as we will be going to Toronto the weekend of the 21st and we will be seeing Bernie and his wife and meeting little Eden for the first time . 5 . Knit Mackenzie 's birth / bris gift hopefully by his bris6 . Knit my cousin 's fiancés bridal shower gift hopefully by her shower in early July7 . Knit Julie & Rich 's daughter 's birth gift . . . rediculously late - the baby is already 5 months old ! 8 . Try to finish the Silk Rumple shawl in time for my cousin 's wedding in early August . 9 . Knit something for a friend 's late September / early October baby10 . Knit something for a friend 's November baby11 . Knit Christmas gifts for Yannick 's family , maybe early to get them out of the way . I might need to switch the orders of 7 & 8 , if Julie doesn 't mind waiting the extra month . At this point I 'm going to knit Kayla something sized at least 12 / 18 months , so it will still fit when she gets it . Holy crap my year is booked . That 's at least 1 project due every month ! How did this happen ? ? I 'm going to go wake Jakob up from his nap and go home - it 's almost 5pm and I 'm going knitting at a pub with the West Island girls tonight ! : ] posted by Jennifer Lori @ 4 : 45 PM 5 comments another meme I just noticed I was tagged for a meme by Robyn , so here are my answers . The Rules - Each player answers the questions about themselves . At the end of the post , the player then tags 5 - 6 people and posts their names , then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment , letting them know they 've been tagged and asking them to read your blog . Let the person who tagged you know when you 've posted your answer . 1 . What I was doing 10 years ago : 1998 . In the summer of 1998 I had , what I like to call , the Armageddon incident . I credit ( or blame , depending on the day , lol ) the movie Armageddon for me meeting Yannick . Three guy friends and I had gone to get tickets for the early show at the now - gone movie theater in the Zellers complex . The early show was sold out because the movie had * just * opened , and we were only able to get tickets for the late show that started over 2 hours later . Rather than leave , we decided to go to the bar in the same complex and hang out to kill time . As it was still rather early , the only patrons at the bar were the " regulars " , a bunch of older guys who wouldn 't " fit in " at other bars . We put our loonies down on the pool table to get in on the games , and they put theirs down , and after a few games we were all taking turns playing each other . I was much younger ( and thinner ) then , and I remember I was wearing a cute * little * tank top and shorts , and I was joking around with the regulars very easily , and the owner of the bar came up and offered me a job working there . I reminded him I 'd applied when I was 18 and he wasn 't interested then , and said I 'd have to think about it because I already had a full - time job working at a retail store . I did end up taking the job , and the owner taught me how to bartend , and I ended up working there until the following February . I also kept my retail job , and for 2 months I worked 5 days a week 10am - 5pm at the store , and 3 nights a week 10pm - 3am at the bar . It was loooooong , but I ended up giving up the reposted by Jennifer Lori @ 10 : 35 AM 2 comments Saturday , June 07 , 2008 Secret Pal 12 Questionnaire 1 . What is / are your favorite yarn / s to knit with ? What fibers do you absolutely * not * like ? I like everything . It 's more about the color than the feel for me , although I don 't like yarns that are very scratchy ( like Alafoss Lopi ) . I can knit with them , but don 't want to wear them afterwards . I think acrylic has its place and have a lot of 100 % acrylic in my stash , but I use it for specific projects . Same thing with 100 % cotton . Also , a touch of mohair or alpaca or other fuzzy stuff is ok for the right project , but not my favorite . Oh - and I HATE yarn that sheds ! I love any sock yarn but I 've never knit with the 1 skein of Koigu or the 5 skeins of STR that I have . I 've never used Dream in Color sock yarn , although I have 3 skeins of Smooshy for a shawl . I love , love , love Fleece Artist and Handmaiden 's colors , and their Sea Silk . . . . oh my . I used it for a scarf for my mom and I am so jealous that I gave it to her ! 2 . What do you use to store your needles / hooks in ? My straights are still packed but I used to store them in a white vase . My circulars ( almost all I use ) are stored in a plastic box - style pencil case . My dpns ( the other half of what I use most often ) are in a large butter cookie tin . My crochet hooks are in a crochet hook roll . All 3 containers ( circs , dpns and crochet hooks ) are in a clear , thick plastic bag with a snap cover that was the packaging for one of Jakob 's gift sets . ( Kinda like the bag that linens come in ) . 3 . How long have you been knitting & how did you learn ? Would you consider your skill level to be beginner , intermediate or advanced ? I consider myself advanced . The very few techniques I haven 't tried yet ( is there anything besides steeking I haven 't tried ? ) are due to lack of time / project , not out of fear or insecurity . I learned how to knit at around 7 or 8 from my paternal grandmother , and I have vague memories of a doll - sized red and white stockinette scarf - in - progress . I picked the needles uposted by Jennifer Lori @ 1 : 29 PM 1 comments Thursday , June 05 , 2008 looooong weekend I know , it 's almost next weekend . But I finally have a chance to tell you about last weekend , so here goes . Ignore the fact that the date on this post is about 2 days behind the day you 're actually reading this , I 've been trying to get this post up for a while now . So , where was I ? Oh yeah , last weekend . I worked on Saturday , then spent the night working on the June sock and baking a cake . We were having a birthday party to celebrate Jakob 's first birthday with our family , and I wanted to bake a healthy birthday cake to counter all the sweets my mom would be preparing . I baked the cake Saturday night so it would have time to cool overnight , and Sunday morning when we got back from Jakob 's swimming lessons , I iced it : His party " theme " was Superman , and I really wanted to put a big " S " shield on the cake , but no matter how hard I tried I couldn 't get the white icing tinted a vivid red , blue or yellow . The closest I got was cornflower blue , pepto pink and a pale yellow . So I moved on to option " B " : There 's a local kitchen store who will take a photograph and print it ( in edible dyes ) on a thinner - than - paper sheet of edible icing . In this photo my printout of the image I made on the computer is on the left , and the icing photo is on the right . Not bad eh ? It 's not as creative as icing it myself , but I 'm happy with how it looks , and it only cost $ 12 . 95 for the icing sheet . It took 10 minutes of waiting at the store , which makes this a great option for a last - minute event . And here 's how it turned out . The cake was cold from the fridge so the icing sheet didn 't melt into it , and I did have to cut away one side to be able to put his " 1 " candle in , but all in all , I think his first birthday cake came out ok . I would have rather have done some really cool decoration myself , but it didn 't work out . Here he is , about to dig in . . . . . . and enjoying his first slice . He spent a good 15 minutes licking up every drop of icing before working his way to posted by Jennifer Lori @ 7 : 27 AM 6 comments About Me Name : Jennifer Lori
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If you find yourself moving to Texas , a state the color of dead grass , because you fell in love with a trial lawyer who sweet - talked you seventeen hundred miles from a peaceful existence on the East Coast - don 't blame Texas . Blame New Orleans . Jazzfest in particular and too many rum hurricanes , and the seductive powers of Solomon Burke singing " Cry to Me . " Because in New Orleans , you will meet your fate . You 'll forget that you 're forty - two and single and more likely to be hit by lightening than remarry . In New Orleans everything is possible . Resurrection from hurricanes . Second lines . Dancing on coffins . Love in middle age . Do not be seduced . Do not think impossible things like , " I could learn to love Texas , " because God will test you . He will send you that man , the one you didn 't think existed . Who is quirky , kind and brave . Who sued a sexual harasser once and demanded his shoes . Because they were flashy , snakeskin shoes , and if that creep could be humiliated by leaving mediation in socks , his victim would feel like she really won something . I 'm not alone . One thousand sixty people move to Texas every day , more than any other state . They say it 's for the jobs , but I 'm convinced that they are lured here by sweet - talking Texans . One day you could be driving south on 1 - 35 with a U - Haul . Don 't be cocky . You think you 've got more sense than to live in a state with one hundred days of 100 - degree weather ? Think again . The streets of Austin are clogged with hopeful new settlers . I love my husband and I cannot imagine my life without him . And yet every day I wonder how I wound up in Texas . I 've concluded it 's a test from God . He wants to know how bad do I want it - this life , this good man . Because there is no water in Texas . They think they have water - they have no idea what water is . I grew up in Michigan , the Great Lakes state . We know from water . I moved to Texas from Pennsylvania . I had a house on the Susquehanna River and the five feet of water in my basement once to prove it . I know what rivers are . I know what lakes look like . This trickle of ankle - deep , piss - warm murk they call a " river " is what we non - Texans refer to as a " dry creek . " I get panicky without water . I feel like I 'm going to die , like one of those cartoon characters crawling across a desert . I wonder why more people aren 't stockpiling provisions . Frankly , I wonder why more people aren 't driving north on 1 - 35 out of this place . Perhaps I 'm jaded - I moved here during a historic drought . My husband said , " Texas has droughts . This is normal . " But that was three years ago . It 's rained a couple times since then . But when it rains in Texas , it rains all at once . Ten - inches - in - an - hour kind of rain . Deluges . Floods . The hard - baked soil can 't absorb it , so it washes down the streets and gullies . People get swept away . Drought , floods , oppressive heat : the weather wants to kill you in Texas - and it often succeeds . It makes me wonder why on earth anyone settled this place , including Native Americans . You had to have been desperate . All the good land everywhere else must 've been taken . Texas was what was left over - a scrubby wasteland the Anglos had to fight Mexico for , although I can 't imagine why . Shedding blood at the Alamo for the privilege of owning millions of acres of useless mesquite ? WTF ? Like I said , desperate people . Free - thinking Germans , poor second cousins of landowners out East , eternal optimists . I guess they looked at whatever was chasing them , and figured they 'd take their chances with the weather . Who needs peonies , they probably said to themselves , when I can farm on hundreds of acres of withered grass ? I 'll never have to knit another sweater as long as I live ! Pretty soon their kid was saying to them , " Eat the jalapenos , Mom , " like that was a normal thing . Like pain was a flavor . Somehow those settlers learned to love Texas . They didn 't just survive . They overcompensated with a colossal regard for the place . Texans adore Texas . Perhaps they 've never been to other states , I thought . They have nothing to compare it to ? It is , after all , a very large state . You couldn 't blame a person for driving eight hours in any direction and giving up . Damn , we 're still in Texas . I don 't get it . Delaware doesn 't suffer this kind of conceitedness . Minnesota ( certainly a state that matches Texas with weather that wants to kill you ) doesn 't brag about how great it is . Minnesotans are far too self - effacing for that . Texas thinks it 's badass ? I 'm from Detroit . People from Detroit - we don 't talk about it . We just live with the contradictions . It 's like still loving a junkie who 's flunked his sixth round of rehab . My husband loves Texas . He named his son after Willie Nelson . He drives a quad - cab Ford diesel pick - up truck . He wears pearl - snap Western shirts with no sense of hipster irony whatsoever . It just kills him that I don 't love Texas the way he loves Texas . But I love him . I especially love the way he killed the five - foot long rat snake that slithered under our front door and curled up on the living room rug one day . He escorted the snake to the porch and then hacked it with a garden hoe . The snake did not improve my opinion of Texas . Nor did my mother - in - law 's nonchalance one - upping us when she related how a rat snake once fell on her from on top of the pantry . " They 're harmless , " she said , as if falling Texas rat snakes were as benign as cherry blossoms . " People love Texas , " my husband admonishes . And judging by the Austin traffic , I know he 's right . I know I 'm a freak for missing freezing rain and snow days . And I know in the grand scheme of things , the majority of people would rather have endless summer than lilac bushes . People move to Texas for the opportunity . The places I love - the woods of northern Michigan , tiny villages on the Susquehanna River , verdant green patches of New England - there 's not much opportunity there . It 's pretty , but as they say , you can 't eat the view . My husband was once married to a woman who cheated on him for two decades before he found out and divorced her . I was briefly married to a man who was also a serial cheater with a double life . It was my second marriage . I thought I was done with love and commitment . There was a time in both of our lives where we thought these experiences would kill us . They didn 't kill us . They made us appreciate opportunity , the kind of opportunity that shows up in front of a four - hundred - pound soul singer in a purple suit crooning " Cry to Me . " That gets drunk in New Orleans and sweet - talked to Texas . Until the bear came along , I was doing fine with nature . Shafts of sunlight were falling on the red huckleberries lining the trail , setting them aglow like tiny rubies . All around me , huge , craggy Douglas firs reached toward the sky , their limbs draped with moss , and giant ferns carpeted the forest floor in every direction . My family and I were deep into Olympic National Park , ten miles from the nearest paved road . This is the forest primeval , I thought , gazing at those massive trees . The murmuring pines - well , firs - and the hemlocks . I felt an unwonted surge of affection for good old Longfellow . Let me be clear : the forest primeval is not my natural habitat . I grew up in the suburbs , the child of New Yorkers . Our family adventures involved the wily nabbing of city parking spaces en route to the ballet . On the few occasions that my parents took me hiking , I trudged along reluctantly , nursing a strong sense of grievance . What was the point ? I complained . Why walk through the woods for no reason , only to turn around and walk right back out ? Couldn 't I stay in the car with my book ? Sure , I loved my Quaker summer camp , where I learned to build a fire and use a compass , earning a " woodswoman " badge for acquiring these skills . I appreciated nature , all right . But for the most part , mine was the bookworm 's comfortable , vicarious appreciation . I savored descriptions of Heidi 's beloved Alpine meadows ; the vast , mysterious swamp in Girl of the Limberlost ; the cave - riddled coast in Island of the Blue Dolphins . From my vantage point on the couch , this was great stuff . But deep down , despite that badge , I wasn 't truly woodsy . And I never would be . Nature Man was a biologist . He liked to lift up rocks and examine the grubs underneath . ( He did this on our second date ) . He talked in near - religious terms about the glories of the ocean and could identify edible and poisonous plants in the woods . He took me bird watching , hauling along a giant spotting scope he 'd borrowed from work , through which I watched , in horrified fascination , as a Peregrine falcon devoured a pigeon . ( " Way cool , huh ? " he said . ) Nature Man also played old - time banjo and wrote me love letters illustrated with funny line drawings and watercolors . He planned romantic , themed birthday celebrations in my honor , and he liked to spend rainy Saturdays roaming the big downtown library with me , each of us collecting a stack of books to take home and read companionably on the couch . In the seventeen years that I 've been married to Nature Man , I 've logged my time in the woods . I 've nursed a toddler in a tent and gotten the hang of lighting a camp stove . I 've grown fond of the scent of citronella candles . Planning a camping trip no longer fazes me , although it does tend to inspire irritation . Why go to all this trouble to haul pots and pans and ingredients into the woods , when we could cook at home in a nice , comfortable kitchen ? But Nature Man and our two boys love camping , and I love them , so I keep this thought to myself . Most of the time , anyway . Because once we 're out there , amid those giant trees , out where the mist hangs like a dream over the mountains , and the jade green river churns between ancient rocks , I 'm awed , each time , by the sheer splendor of the natural world . And at some point on each of these expeditions , I 'm always struck by same thought : without Nature Man in my life , I wouldn 't be marveling at all this . But in all these years , I 've never articulated to my husband just how uneasy I sometimes feel in the wilderness . I can 't forget how far away we are , how isolated . And thanks to a ranger program we attended on yet another camping trip , I can 't forget about the cougars , either . Puma concolor , I learned that evening at the park 's rustic amphitheater , roam the Pacific Northwest . They are silent and stealthy , capable of leaping twenty feet from a standing position to land on the neck of their prey , killing it instantly . I looked around the amphitheater . People in the audience were snuggling with their kids , spritzing on bug repellent , or nodding along with the ranger . No one seemed alarmed . Did you hear that ? I wanted to yell . Twenty feet from a standing position ! Onto your neck ! The next day , walking along the trail , I tensed at the creak of a tree branch , the back of my neck prickling in dread . Then I looked ahead to Nature Man , pointing out licorice ferns on a nurse log to one of our boys . My husband , I reflected , knew the woods far better than I , and he didn 't seem concerned about being attacked by the New World 's second heaviest cat ( after the jaguar ) . You need to relax , I told myself . I was successfully following that very advice the next year , the day we met the bear . I hadn 't entirely forgotten the threat of cougars , but I 'd pushed it into a small corner of my mind , a little closet where I stash other irrational notions , like my conviction that a headache heralds a brain tumor or that only my will to live keeps the plane in the air . So as we walked deeper and deeper into Olympic National Park that day , I was happily gathering huckleberries for pancakes and musing about nineteenth century poetry . Not everyone in our party shared my sunny outlook . Unlike twelve - year - old Simon , loping ahead of me in his broad - brimmed hat like a young Indiana Jones , Nate , my nine - year - old , was decidedly grumpy . " Why do we always have to do this ? " he muttered . " You should have left me in the car with my Tintin book . " I repressed the urge to confess that I often feel the same way about hiking . Instead , I told him what I tell myself on those occasions . " We 're a family , Nate . And families do things together . " But there was no denying this particular apple 's proximity to the tree . When it comes to hiking , Nate 's my boy . Nature Man and I had lured him along with trail mix for the first hour . Sparring with his brother on a rustic bridge , re - enacting the encounter between Robin Hood and Little John , had improved his mood after that . But now , just half a mile from our destination , we were out of bribes . " I 'm walking for five more minutes , " he said darkly . " That 's it . " My mental closet burst open . Here it was , the confirmation of all my fears . Nature was a dangerous place , after all . Fearsome things did lurk here . If not cougars , bears , dammit all . Instinctively , I turned to Nature Man . He didn 't say what I expected : " Okay , everyone , turn around - fast ! " To my astonishment , what he said was , " Let 's see this bear . " Then he kept walking . Sure enough , twenty yards down the trail stood a bear . It was black , with a patch of white on its head , and it was looking right at us . What struck me immediately about this bear - beyond the hair - raising fact of its presence - was its size . This was not a large bear . It was on the smaller side . No , I realized , as my heart began to pound quite unpleasantly , it wasn 't actually small . It was a young bear . Quite young . All of us , even those not particularly cognizant of the natural world , know exactly what goes along with a young bear . Any second , I imagined , the enraged mother bear would burst from the woods . She would maul us and leave us for dead on the trail . Later , there would be a memorial service , and everyone would cry over the family killed by bears , and we would be forever held up as a warning whenever the park rangers give those talks about wildlife . " Back away ! " I said frantically , still fixated on our memorial service . " There 's a mother bear around here , and she 's going to eat us up . " Nature Man , who was just a few yards ahead , did not appear to hear me . " Nate , can you see the bear ? " he asked . " Let me lift you up . " He raised our son in his arms , as if making an offering to the ursine gods . Nature Man made a small sound , which could have been a chuckle . Nate said , " It 's been five minutes . I 'm not taking another step . " Nature Man gave me a quick careful look , then hustled everyone back in the direction we had come . A few minutes later , as we walked quickly along the trail , Nate riding piggyback on his dad , my husband explained that he had only advanced toward the bear because he wasn 't sure Simon had actually seen one . And he had lifted Nate up partly for a better look , but also because , when confronted with a bear , you 're supposed to make yourself look bigger , to intimidate it . " And I wasn 't laughing at you . Well . Not exactly . " Unwilling to be mollified quite yet , I informed Nature Man that he could forget about taking me hiking , ever again . Today it was a bear , but tomorrow ? Cougars , for sure , and what next ? Vermicious Knids ? Wisely , my husband did not argue with any of this , not even my suggestion that Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator 's amorphous space aliens might materialize in the Pacific Northwest . We both knew I didn 't mean it . Love had gotten me out of a book and into the wilderness in the first place , and I would be back in the woods next summer or even sooner . Besides , we were a family , and families do things together . Like get nearly eaten by bears . KATE HAAS is an editor at Literary Mama . Her essays have appeared in the Boston Globe Magazine , Salon , Brain , Child , and other publications . She 's a regular contributor to Full Grown People and lives in Portland , Oregon , with her family . Read more of her writing at www . katehaas . com . " Thank you for a lovely dinner , Mummy . May I please leave the table ? " John , who 's six , is going through a cute super - polite phase that I know probably won 't last but enjoy anyway . The " Mummy " is a bonus I get for having an English husband and kids who are into watching Peppa Pig . " Thank you for asking so nicely , sweetheart . Yes , you may . " John stands up . Before he runs off , he carefully brushes down his shirt , pants , and , briskly , the bottoms of his feet . I wish I could say that this regular post - meal action is the result of sensory issues left over from his early years . John spent his first month in neonatal intensive care as a premature baby . We were warned of preemies ' extreme sensitivity to touch of any kind , and the likelihood that it could become a lifelong trait . Pretending that it 's his choice would shield me from admitting to people that I 've trained him to be hyper - conscious of tracking crumbs or sticky bits of rice from the table to anywhere else in the house . His sister Alex , who 's three , copies him a few minutes later but neglects both the " thank you " and a few pieces of brown rice stuck to the hem of her pants . While I take their plates to the dishwasher and begin wiping off the table , I keep track of where she 's jumping and rolling , so I 'll know where to run the vacuum cleaner later . A pointless exercise , as I know perfectly well I 'll run it everywhere . I try my best not to imprint them with neurotic hyper - awareness of bits of grit and cat fur on the floors , or the tiny sticky spots of a squeezed lemon sprayed onto the counter , but I 've given up trying to change myself . When I am eighty and cranky , nobody will be allowed to eat in my house . They might not be allowed inside at all . Domesticity has been called a trap , a cage for women , a tool of the patriarchy . This can be true when imposed from outside , but if it 's a trap for me , it 's one I 've made myself , and I don 't look at it that way . I wish I didn 't have to do all the work . I wish dust would just cease to exist , and that some invisible little machine would suck up all the crunchy bits of cereal from the floor before I ever had a chance to haul out a vacuum cleaner , that all my houseguests ate over their plates like I nag my children to . ( How hard is that ? Seriously ? ) Whatever way it gets done , though , I want the place clean . This obsession - and let 's be honest here - stops , thankfully , at my doors . I don 't care what the lawn looks like , as long as we keep chemicals off of it , and I don 't give a crap what condition your house is in . As far as germs go - let 's just say sterility isn 't my top priority . I try to make sure nobody gets salmonella or toxoplasmosis , but my adherence to baking soda and vinegar as cleaning substances will only go so far . This limit makes up for the fact that , when we have houseguests , I daydream about exactly what my cleaning routine will be when they leave - how I 'll strip the bed and do every bit of laundry as one enormous mass and mop up the basement and vacuum under and behind all the decrepit furniture and purge the kids ' toys while I 'm at it . It relieves my allergy to knickknacks . It alleviates somewhat , I hope , the need to see No Crumb Leave the Table . But it probably doesn 't make my husband any less exasperated when I go around wiping the kitchen countertops after he 's already done so . At the end of the movie Fiddler on the Roof , Tevye the milkman and his family , and all the Jews of the region , are being evicted from the country . They are given three days to pack up their belongings and trudge out to new worlds , foreign lands : Jerusalem , Germany , America . I always feel a strong connection to this story because my father 's parents came from similar Jewish ghettoes in the Ukraine , although they were never evicted . They ended up in Soviet Leningrad , leaving my father to emigrate decades later . As far as the religion and traditions held so tightly by Tevye 's world , I can sympathize with but not relate to them . What I do relate to is the behavior of his wife Golde . Just before they and their remaining daughters leave the village forever , Golde tells Tevye she has to " clean up , sweep the floor . " I read a tremendous number of mystery novels . Dorothy Sayers , Laurie King , Rex Stout , Ngaio Marsh , Nevada Barr - they and their cohorts have gotten me through some very hard times and very long international flights . A few years back , I noticed a common theme slipping through them , as if it were a requirement of the genre aside from a murder , a sleuth , and adequate red herrings : a fixation on a comfortable home . Starting with Lord Peter Wimsey 's leather - bound collections of rare volumes surrounding the perfectly harmonious and elegant upper - class London bachelor pad , on through Nero Wolfe 's made - to - measure enormous desk chair and favorite globe in his Manhattan brownstone , and into the modern shared household of Deborah Crombie 's Gemma James and Duncan Kincaid , with its scrubbed pine table and grand piano and dining room furniture with " an air of Provençal , " mystery authors linger , sometimes without seeming to be aware of it , over descriptions of welcoming homes and perfect rooms . Sometimes it belongs to a side character or a main suspect - a bistro in a Quebec village ( Still Life , Louise Penny ) , an artist 's isolated house up a mountainside ( A Grave Talent , Laurie King ) - but still the hallmarks of comfort work their way into outsize place in the narrative . Gleaming wood , beeswax , squashy armchairs , bookcase - lined walls , the smell of good cooking coming from the kitchen , order and routine balanced with cozy softness . It 's as if these mystery novelists are actually writing in search of the ideal home , as if their pursuit of mystery writing is itself a controlled flailing toward safety in a world where evil things happen and control is , in the end , an illusion - writing their way through the chaos to a place that 's nurturing , comfortable , welcoming , warm , intellectually and creatively stimulating . In the ideal homes of mystery novels , there are many , many books , a proclivity for crackling fires and candlelight ( but no dust ) . The inhabitants always know how to value quality and beauty over show or cost . Dig back into the reading history of many modern mystery authors , and you 'll find common loves : Anne of Green Gables , The Hobbit , Dorothy Sayers 's novels . Books in which a home is something alive , something that holds its inhabitants , builds a symbiotic relationship with them . A place that nurtures , to be nurtured in return . The Secret Garden , where the house is dark and unwelcoming , only drives home the point : this is not what a home should be . The house I grew up in had the love but not a place for everything . My mother was strict about the housework performed by her three daughters . We had age - dependent chores every Saturday : vacuuming , dusting , laundry , waxing the dining room floor , watering the plants , ironing , mowing , raking leaves , weeding the garden . As training , it was a good foundation . As cleaning it was ineffective . For one thing , cleaning out the cats ' box ( or finding where else they might have designated " toilet " ) seemed to be nobody 's job at all . For another , that house was full full full of things - so many things and in such varieties that it still makes my throat clog to think of it . I dusted around stacks of New Yorker and Harper 's magazines collected over many years , scrubbed the bathtub around shampoo bottles that had gone past vintage and were into antique , made my bed with sheets covered in cat fur , polished the thousand scrolled crevices of the silver tea set that everyone loved and nobody ever used . The kitchen , in which piles of opened and unopened mail teetered next to old telephone books and days - old glasses of water , didn 't seem complete without over half the counter space being taken up by empty crock pots inherited from the wheat ranch my mother had grown up on , decorative bowls of sugar caked with coffee drips , antique tobacco tins , and a rack holding old , still pungent , spices ( when someone tells you that you have to replace your cinnamon every year , don 't believe them ) . It 's impossible to truly clean a place with three kids and rambling cats and several families ' worth of stacked and scattered possessions . We visited my mother last summer , and had an embarrassing couple of days where John would wander around her house saying things like , " You know Grandma , if you put some of these things away people might not trip over them , " or " Grandma , if we organized all of this , you would have more places to relax . " He tried to be as polite as possible , while I kept hissing at him to zip it . I took away treats and his Angry Birds playtime but still he couldn 't stop himself . Finally he looked at me , all wide - eyed and determined , and said , " But , Mummy , it 's good to tell the truth . " I tried to explain to him that everyone likes their home kept in different ways and that it wasn 't polite to criticize it and could even hurt someone 's feelings , but clearly this was one case where actions triumphed over words . My cleaning and de - cluttering routine had come a long way from my childhood , sometimes neared extreme ( I do know that some of my vacuuming habits could qualify as a problem ) , and had obviously worn a deep track for at least one of my children . I was relieved that a habit of tidiness was becoming second nature for him , but I wasn 't sure if I should be ashamed of that relief . My mother says that the reason I don 't like all the stuff in her house , what I call clutter and she calls life , is because I don 't know the stories behind it . That 's not always true . I recognize scrap paper where someone wrote down a phone number twenty - three years ago , and the torn shrink - wrap , which has been torn as long as I can remember , surrounding a vinyl album of loon calls , which I know she values because it was a gift from her father . I know the enameled tin mugs from Finland , the jam - making equipment from the Eastern Montana homestead , the wicker armchair where I used to rock my baby sister . I know the stories of a thousand things . And I do understand what she means . It 's just that I prefer my stories , instead of collecting dust as physical manifestations , typed up and filed away where they belong . There 's a passage in Natalie Goldberg 's classic book on writing , Writing Down the Bones , where she takes a swing at writers with tidy studios . Disorder , she says , shows a fertile mind , " an indication of … someone that is actively creating . " Essentially , in a clean desk , she knows she 's looking at a writer who 's not working . I have tried to " let things go , " " relax , " and " don 't worry about it , " as so many well - meaning people have advised . Most of them seem to think that I keep my house tidy because I want to impress them . ( These are the people , along with those who walk around crunching chips without a plate , who don 't get invited over for dinner again . ) I 've set up personal boundaries for my cleaning habits ( I never clean windows , for example , and as a result never think about how dirty they might be ) because otherwise I truly would get nothing else done . But aside from that , I don 't seem to have an in - between toggle . I 've tried just keeping the dishes washed and the floor basically swept . But I 'm aware , nevertheless , of the coffee grounds that migrated to the back of the counter , of the cats ' additions after rolling in a spot of sunshine on a rug , of the bits of salt left on the stove after my husband did the post - dinner clean - up , of the rice my daughter has tracked into the TV room , where she 's sitting on the floor playing " picnic " with her stuffed dogs . I 'm conscious of all of it , and if I don 't take care of it I literally cannot work . A " why bother " washes over everything I 'm supposed to do - pack in the laundry , brush the kids ' teeth , sit at my desk and earn a living as a copy editor , send a check to the preschool , order heating oil , call my mother , much less work on my novel or memoir or tackle a new essay . I either escape to a coffee shop , where it 's someone else 's job to clean up and therefore I don 't care , or huddle in a few maintained outposts in my home - the bed , my desk , the ironing board - and binge - watch The Big Bang Theory . My husband asked me once why I felt such a need to wipe down the kitchen counters and sweep the floor before clocking out for the night . I told him about the coffee grounds , the sticky spots , the grains of salt . " Knowing those things are there is like having another person tramping around in my head , " I said . They 're making noise and disrupting thoughts and generally being a nuisance . It 's incredibly uncomfortable . One is a belated birthday card that my mom sent me almost twenty years ago . The painting on the front , Deborah DeWit Marchant 's The Artisans ' Cafe , depicts a girl looking somewhat as I might have then , down to a long brown French braid and sloppy afterthought clothing , with an empty pie plate in front of her , a full cup of coffee , and an open hardback book lying flat on the table . Her cheek is propped in her hand and she is clearly engrossed in whatever she is reading . Articulating my feelings about this picture is difficult . I look at it and I see a moment when all the chores have been done , when nobody needs my attention , when all the crumbs are only specks of potential energy in a bag of bread . When the only part of the world that I have real influence over is at rest , if only for a few hours . But this is the only place I have , my only home . Critics can go on all they want about the new domesticity and how women still need to be freed from the hearth . But there is so much in the world I have no control over . I do not know if my son will still be asking politely to leave the table in a year 's time , or if my daughter will get over her obsession with dogs before she gets old enough that I feel obligated to get her a puppy . I do not know if my car will survive another six months , if another Sandy - like hurricane will trap us in a powerless house this fall , if the cats will ever , ever , stop peeing on the furniture . ANTONIA MALCHIK 's writing has appeared most recently in Creative Nonfiction , The Jabberwock Review , and ParentMap . She 's a regular contributor to Full Grown People . She recently finished My Russian Condition , a book about her lifelong relationship with Russia , and is working on Against the Grain , a memoir about motherhood , woodworking , and striving for the lost competence of her pioneer ancestors . She can be reached through www . antoniamalchik . com . Nicholas 's good friend passes him the ball . He catches it , sort of , but his grip is not quite firm enough , and it barrels on through his hands and down onto his shoe , bouncing out of bounds . I hear a groan and a snicker from somewhere to my left . I fight the desire to turn and glare at the person . Nicholas smiles , forcedly , and I see him apologize to his friend . But I am not sure I get the expression right , and I may have missed my chance to connect and communicate with him . Because today , from the moment I entered the arena , I have retreated to the sidelines , taken a stance as an outsider . I am tense , self - conscious , distracted , and frustrated with those around me . While all the other parents on the bleachers chat and yell and gesture and growl , I am caught up in my own head , spinning through a series of questions . When did this happen ? How did we get here ? When did we stop wanting our children to play nicely together , stop insisting on apologies when they hurt one another , stop valuing kindness and social skills above competitiveness and drive ? And when did it become a good play to foul someone on purpose ? When did we stop calling careful with that stick across the playground and start shouting check him ? " Out of the paint ! " one parent bellows . Another shouts , " Boards ! " every time a player shoots . I have no idea what they mean and wonder if I may be eavesdropping on a bizarre carpentry - focused reality show . I amuse myself for a bit by trying to overlay this crowd 's behavior onto a playground scene from when our children were younger . I imagine what it would have been like to sit on the benches next to the swings with coffee cups in our hands , interrupting one friend 's narration of her clogged mammary gland to shout to one of our kids : Swing harder ! Pump those legs ! Come on , work those monkey bars ! Share those Cheerios ! In high school , I was a band geek , although there were lots of other , less kind names for members of this motley gang of musicians . On Friday nights , when the popular kids would sit in the bleachers with their French fries and sodas and cheer for their friends on the football team , I was there , too . But off to the side , clad in a royal - blue polyester men 's uniform , helmet perched atop my head , its plumes long ago snapped in half , yellowed , or simply lost . On school days , I stood when the intercom called for the pep rally participants to go to the gym , and I left the room with all the Blue Knights in team jerseys and school colors . In the gymnasium , however , I was absent from the groupings of chairs in the center of the polished wood floors . Instead , I sat First Chair , adjusting my piccolo to a well - tuned B flat and offering it to each member of the pep band . Then I 'd sit down again and await our turn to accompany the cheerleaders and play our school 's fight song . And it wasn 't just pep band . I could also be counted on to maintain the spacing and pace of the most complex marching band formations , my whole row guiding left toward me , peering across the music holders affixed to their bent elbows . In the two - person pit orchestra , I routinely covered three woodwind instruments during school musicals , and would lean across the flute , piccolo , and oboe that lay in my lap so that I could reach the keys of the synthesizer . I must admit : I am a bit embarrassed for myself right now as I write this . Total nerd . But these musical talents did help me pass a bit socially , counterbalancing my polyester uniform and allowing me to relate to the jocks and popular kids . Sadly , these impressive skills were not sufficient to produce a flurry of prom invitations . At some point during high school , I began singing , a sensible extension of my musical activities . Although some of my most important relationships were formed through singing groups , I never felt completely at ease in the choirs I joined . So I wasn 't surprised when , after her school choir concert , our daughter Julia unintentionally voiced what I also struggled with when singing . I asked her what it had felt like to be on stage , to stand before an audience . " Well , I liked it when I played the xylophone , " she said . " I knew what to do with my hands . I didn 't know what to do with them when I was singing . " Like me , it seems , Julia may be an instrumentalist at heart . I was accustomed to holding and playing instruments on stage , to having something protective between me and the audience . I often carried my black cases with me to keep my instruments warm enough , or because they didn 't fit in my locker , also conveniently giving my hands purpose as I moved through my school 's crowded hallways . I used to practice fingerings for scales on my desktop . It gave me something to do while I chatted with the more gregarious kids before classes began . Even now , when I am feeling nervous , my adult fingers long for the feeling of my oboe 's cold wood and silver . I can still call forth the smell of cedar and beeswax and saliva wafting up into my face as I open the case . I can even hear the creaking of the hinge as it opened and the snapping shut of the lid to my reed box . I mentally run my finger down the turkey feather I used to swab my oboe dry after I played . But singing ? As Julia said , it 's just you and your voice on the stage . But I pushed through this unease , this vulnerability , for whatever reason , and it led to something , someone , for me . My husband , Jonathan , and I met in our college 's choir . He was a dancer and a singer in high school . He tells me of an awkward stage involving leg warmers and acne medication and asking a friend when football rehearsal was over . When we met on his first day of college , I was his assigned greeter , or what we called a hand holder , sitting with him while he waited to audition for the choir that I had already joined . What I noticed about Jonathan - after overcoming my fascination with his strange fashion choices , including a do rag , white t - shirt , tightly cinched pants and shirt cuffs - was that , though I was there to make him feel less nervous as he waited , he was not nervous at all . The next time we met was in the basement storage room of the performing arts center . I , in my role as choir manager , was responsible for fitting the newly selected men for their tuxedos . This was my first time measuring inseams for men 's attire , and Jonathan , third in line , intervened . Clearly I looked as confused and mortified as I felt , awkwardly holding a measuring tape , trying to figure out how I was going to determine pant lengths for all these young men I did not yet know . " Have him hold the top , and you hold the bottom down by his ankle , " he suggested . Ah . Ankle . That 's good . I can handle ankles . But I think the night that our relationship moved from friendship to more than that was at the famed a cappella karaoke night . That evening , we sang each other 's songs . Which is not a euphemism . We actually sang each other 's solos from our respective a cappella groups . There were a lot of red plastic Solo cups in people 's hands that night , though not in his or mine . He actually volunteered to sing my song , confidently and in full voice , which was a folky Tuck and Patty love song . Jonathan knows how to work a room . But I was then involuntarily pushed up to the front of the crowd as his group began the accompaniment to his signature song , " The Reflex " by Duran Duran . He typically performed with full choreography , and there was clearly some expectation that I would shimmy along with his group as they boogied down . I was completely terrified and uncomfortable and breathless and uncool and not at all uninhibited by the contents of a Solo cup . Yet he stood in the middle of the crowd and mouthed the words for me , smiling warmly the whole time . There was the night , sitting in the middle of our college 's clay tennis courts , in which he - overwhelmed by his work and the high expectations and his exhaustion - confessed , " I 'm not going to be able to do this . " And I told him he could , and we did . Together . We created our us and , eventually , our family . We sang Tuck and Patty while rocking our babies years later . And our kids still think we are so weird when we lapse into the fle - fle - fle - fle - flex refrain on road trips . Back then , we didn 't think about selecting someone who had skills that complemented the other 's . We didn 't anticipate the need to tackle our own home improvements or the requirement that we support all of the different homework subjects . Or that one person 's musicality should be rounded out by the other 's athleticism . And therefore , given our poorly planned love , our house is repaired with duct tape and the kitchen faucet drips . Yet we have inadvertently managed to rock the homework subject coverage at the kitchen counter . And , although our three children each fall in their own unique place on the continuum between gregarious and introverted , luckily , between Jonathan and I , we truly understand them . Yet without question , our weakest collective skill set is athleticism . Jonathan is a self - described great blue heron with sore knees when asked to assume an athletic stance . And I am awkward and clumsy and often find it difficult to walk across a room without tripping . Of course , as with home improvement and homework coverage , engineering well - rounded genetic loading for one 's potential offspring is not typically how one goes about choosing a mate . One is much more likely to be drawn to another who likes the same things , someone who also shows up to the same a cappella karaoke event . This us , Jonathan and I . What we know from experience , despite our lack of sports expertise , is the importance of allowing oneself to feel and express one 's vulnerability . And we know the importance of where you place yourself in a crowd . As a couple , we are the result of the push and pull of social dynamics playing out while two people connected amidst a crowd 's pulse and noise . And we know how coming together - finding each other through an extended moment across the room - can evolve into a life together . A dance in which two people stop synchronizing themselves with those around them and fall into their own rhythm . Jonathan and I ? We wish for nothing more than these moments , these connections , for our children . Lately , I have been returning to that nervous , uncertain glance Nicholas shot me across the basketball court . About who I was , or perhaps wasn 't , for him in that moment . And about how Nicholas saw me , sitting among the spectators as well , caught up in my wonder at how our children are getting older and at how parenting requirements change with time . I lost sight of how this is all still about the connections , about forming the closest and strongest relationships we can with each other , relationships during our childhood serving as a springboard for embracing and moving out into the rest of the world . I want to change how I receive his searching look when it next comes my way . Though I know this will not always be the case , our children are still young enough that their raw and vulnerable glances are still directed at me . Nicholas 's glance has also sent me back into my memory of that moment , albeit a more grown - up moment , between Jonathan and me so many years ago . Of the feeling of finding Jonathan across the crowd . And how that look moved us forward , shored us up , and helped us live . And the desire for connection with Jonathan is still there . I still hope for our eyes not to pass over each other , searching through the mess of parenting and work and distraction and stress . For our eyes to meet and linger , for this look to make the noise around us quiet . Once these intense and precious few days of parenting these beings has shifted and they move outward , that Jonathan and I will still be us , still finding each other , as the crowd thins and moves on . And for our growing children to see this , to know we are in the crowd for them now and for each other , available and strong . And for them to someday find this for themselves with another . REBECCA STETSON WERNER lives in Portland , Maine , with her husband and three children . She has contributed to Taproot and Grounded Magazine ; this is her second essay for Full Grown People . She writes about parenting , children 's books , and life in their very old home at treetoriver . com . " Fear of fire , fear of lightning , fear of fire caused by lightning , fear of falling trees , and of those people who drive their cars into houses or gas stations because they confuse the brake with the gas . Once on Central Park West a man reached for my wrist as he said , " Can I ask you something ? " but I didn 't let him . Fear of unasked questions that will never be answered . Fear of Rumpty - Dudget a character in a book , ' Rumpty Dudget 's Tower , ' that I have never read , but whose worn blue spine I can sense on the bookshelf in my parents ' living room at all times , even now . Fear of women in high heels ; fear of Mrs . Stein , my second grade teacher ; fear of other people 's carelessness . Fear of small but deceptively sharp knives , like the Swiss Army knife that cut my brother 's finger so deep only one of my mother 's maxi - pads , with wings , could hold the blood . Fear of sirens , though only when I am driving and cannot tell where they are coming from ; fear of North Korea ; fear of visiting Turkey , where I was born , and not being allowed to leave . Fear that there is something really really wrong . Fear that there is nothing that can fix it . " My wife and I each paid twenty dollars to attend the one - night - only twenty - fifth anniversary screening of the original A Nightmare on Elm Street several years ago . This was at a point in our marriage where we probably couldn 't afford to blow forty dollars on a movie , but I had just started my first academic job and , for the first time , we had an annual household income of over $ 25 , 000 , so we felt rich . More importantly , I love A Nightmare on Elm Street and was excited for the opportunity to see it on the big screen . If you asked me for my favorite horror movie , I would honestly tell you that it 's The Shining . Kubrick 's use of tracking shots , Bela Bartok 's score , Shelly Duvall 's performance as an abused woman trying to survive in an icy , opulent hell - it 's all amazing and remains unnerving every time I watch it . But if I have a few beers tonight and decide I want to watch a scary movie , I 'll probably put something like Friday the 13th Part 3 in the DVD player . You can watch it in 3D in the comfort of your own home , you know . But more importantly , I find that cheesy slasher movies from the seventies and eighties just have their own sort of goofy charm . Yes , they 're violent , and more than a little misogynist . But it 's so hard for me to take them seriously at this point . Even though they were rated R , they seem , in their simple - minded black - and - white morality , childish to me . Not of the morally complicated adult world I live in , that 's for sure . So watching movies like these reminds me of my childhood , keeps me tethered to the dorky , horror - obsessed kid I was , and - I sometimes like to imagine - keeps me young . Even before I saw my first horror movie , I found them fascinating . When I was a kid , my parents were diligent in shielding us from movie gore and anything remotely scary ; the idea , I know , was to protect our impressionable minds from anything that might upset or disturb us , but I 'm afraid it didn 't entirely work . In fact , as I got closer to my middle school years and realized that most of my friends had seen Halloween and Silent Night , Deadly Night , I became acutely aware that my parents had been sheltering me : there was a whole world of supernaturally - powerful serial killers and blood - thirsty demons out there . And though I understood , rationally , that these things only existed in movies , on some level I think I perceived something menacing about the adult world as a result of my parents ' zealous protection . After all , if there were nothing to really be afraid of , then why would I need to be protected ? But maybe that 's not quite right . Maybe my brother and I detected menace before becoming aware of these movies , and that 's what caused my parents to try to shield us from multiplex mayhem . I know that the witch in the Wizard of Oz scared me when I was a kid ; so too did Dr . Banner 's transformation into The Incredible Hulk on TV . And my brother couldn 't stand to be in the room when The Electric Company started - the voice that yelled " Hey You Guys ! " would cause him to cry if he heard it . And , truth be told , he was well into adulthood before he could force himself to watch the scene in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom where the villain rips the guy 's heart out of his chest . So , perhaps my parents - realizing that their sons were high - strung and easily frightened - understood that they had to be on their toes when it came to shielding us from big - screen frights . The bottom line is , by the time I was in the fifth grade , most of my friends had seen at least some of these movies , and I had not . I was fascinated by the very idea of these forbidden movies , what they said about the adult world , and why my parents felt the need to shield me even while my friends ' parents did not feel a similar need to shield them . Plus , there was that nagging suspicion - then , as adolescence was just on the horizon - that there was something more than a little lame about not knowing anything about these movies that were so important to my classmates . I was already beginning to understand that I was a dork - a label that would stay with me at least through the beginning of high school - and part of that dorkiness came , I understood , from my naïveté when it came to these elements of the popular culture that were so important to kids in the eighties . I found my entrance into this world of horror that my friends knew so well one morning in the cafeteria before the first bell rang to send us to our classrooms . A kid I knew , Jeremy , had a book in front of him - The Nightmares on Elm Street , the official novelization of the first three Freddy Krueger movies . The films ' logo - which looked like it had been scribbled by a madman with a nerve disorder - was splashed across the cover , with Freddy 's razor - fingered glove hanging down , blades partially obscuring the title with the blood that dripped from them . He shrugged . " I just really liked the movies . " I think he must have intuited my interest , because he said , " I 'm almost done with it . I 'll bring it tomorrow , if you want to borrow it . " Jackpot . Jeremy had allowed me to find a loophole in my parents ' " No Horror Movie " rule . They didn 't make R - rated books , after all - and weren 't my parents always on my case about reading anyway ? Even if they found the book , I could always use their previously articulated arguments in favor of literacy against them . Finally , I had won . I would learn exactly what was so scary that my parents had felt the need to protect me . As I read it , I realized that books , too , could be scary . I had an imagination vivid enough to picture what it must have been like for Rod to see Tina 's sleeping body rudely lifted from the bed by an invisible force , shoved to the ceiling , and split open by unseen razor fingers . I could see Tina running from Freddy , his arms somehow long enough to stretch across the entire alley , affording her no escape . I could imagine Jesse 's dread as he came to realize that Freddy intended to possess his body in order to kill in the waking world . The irony is , I probably would have been better off watching the movies , as far as my own fear went . When I finally saw the movies , I did find them scary , but I also realized that Rod and Tina were obnoxious and older than they should have been - they spoke the way people in their thirties think teenagers speak ( " I woke up with a hard - on that had your name on it . " " Tina 's a four - letter word - your joint 's not big enough for four letters . " ) . The scene where Freddy chases Tina down the alley looked so fake that it made me giggle when I finally saw it for the first time . And Jesse was just an irritating whiner - if Freddy wants him so badly , let him have him , I 'd later say . I didn 't actually make the decision consciously , of course . I may have had an overactive imagination and very little idea about how the real world worked , but I wasn 't an absolute moron . I knew , logically , that child murderers do not come back from the dead to haunt the dreams of the children whose parents burned them alive in their own boiler rooms . It just didn 't happen - and if it had , it would have been all over the news . No , if people could come back from the dead and hang out in people 's dreams , I was fairly certain that my grandfather would have checked in from time to time . The premise of the movies was not grounded in reality - it all came from this guy , Wes Craven , who wrote and directed the first movie . And , I could convince myself during the day , that guy probably lived in a mansion in Hollywood , surrounded by movie stars and supermodels , and hardly ever thought about this creation of his that was haunting me so . My parents realized pretty quickly that I seemed groggier than usual at breakfast , and that I was falling asleep while watching TV in the afternoon . And I eventually had to tell them that I wasn 't sleeping much at night anymore , and why . I can 't say my parents were angry with me , but nor were they particularly pleased . When all is said and done , I think the situation kind of annoyed them . " You 're not sleeping because you 're afraid that a boogeyman in a fedora hat that you read about in the adaptation to a movie you 've never seen is going to kill you ? " I don 't think that 's the type of question any father wants to ask his son . As stupid as they surely found the situation , I have to say that my parents bent over backwards to help me to sleep again . No more drifting off in the afternoons . A big glass of warm milk before bed . God love them , at one point they even took me to our family doctor , apparently hoping that there was a pill or something that would make me forget to be such a neurotic coward . The doctor , for his part , seemed confused about what his role in this personal drama was supposed to be . " I would say , " he eventually concluded , " he needs to get over it and start sleeping again . " Which is exactly what happened . As time passed , my terror over what I 'd read faded . In a few weeks , it all seemed silly , and I was quite embarrassed by the whole episode . Scared by a movie character ? How dumb . I promised myself that I would never mistake supernatural fiction for reality ever again . I kept that promise , too . For several months . Until the USA Network showed Children of the Corn one afternoon when I was home sick , and the process repeated itself . Just as it would a year or so later when I saw Halloween for the first time . And then again with Friday the 13th . These movies terrified me as a kid , but I couldn 't stay away from them . As an adult , it 's a rare and special thing to find a horror movie that 's genuinely scary . The Shining , The Exorcist , and Alien still retain the ability to unnerve , and I 'll occasionally find an older movie , like Bob Clark 's original Black Christmas , that really freaks me out . But too much of what passes for horror these days seems watered - down , or too outlandishly stupid to be taken seriously , or just not scary . I can 't imagine anyone watching the recent A Nightmare on Elm Street remake and actually getting frightened . Of course , part of the problem is , I 've found new things to be scared of . As it happens , my parents were shielding me from the menacing adult world ; it was just the nature of the menace that I 'd misunderstood . There are no doll serial killers or leather fetishist demons with pins in their heads - instead , there are religious extremists with bombs . There are factories dumping carcinogens into streams . There are people who think a life devoted to literature and art is simply decadent . There 's waterboarding . I fear that my writing is mediocre at best . I fear that my wife no longer finds me as physically attractive as she used to . I fear that I 'll never realize my dream of becoming a tenured professor . I fear impotence . School shootings . Stand your ground laws . Getting drunk and revealing how offensive and obnoxious my internal monologue actually is . Cancer . Being revealed as the academic and artistic fraud I 'm pretty sure I am . That my parents will die . That my wife will decide she no longer loves me . The twenty - fifth anniversary screening of A Nightmare on Elm Street was kind of a bust , actually . I had this idea that the theater would be filled with aging Gen - Xers excited to recapture the experience of being a child of the 1980s again . And there were a few of us like that in the audience . But there was also a group of about fifteen teenagers sitting down in front , and they were pretty rowdy - shouting things at the screen , giggling , running around the theater , making and receiving phone calls . My shushing got louder as the movie went on ; a woman roughly my age sitting nearby eventually shouted at the kids , " Shut the fuck up ! " I didn 't . I didn 't want to be the type of person who gets annoyed with young people . I didn 't want to be someone who gets angry at the sound of teenagers laughing . I hated the idea that I was the type of grumpy old man who said things like " Get off my lawn ! " or who had groups of teenagers thrown out of places because of shenanigans and tomfoolery . When I was her age . Back in the day . The good old days ? The grown - ups I knew when I was a kid didn 't think so - they thought we were out of control , with crack cocaine , gangs , drive - by shootings , casual sex , and N . W . A . Of course , their parents thought they were out of control , with their LSD , free love , campus protests , left - wing radicals , and The Beatles . WILLIAM BRADLEY 's work has appeared in a number of magazines and journals , including Utne Reader , The Normal School , The Bellevue Literary Review , Brevity , Fourth Genre , Creative Nonfiction , and The Missouri Review . This is his second essay for Full Grown People . He lives in Canton , New York , where he teaches at St . Lawrence University , and he has recently completed a collection of essays that link to form an unconventional memoir about love , loss , and pop culture obsessions . He also recently found a very cheap used copy of The Nightmares on Elm Street novelization , which he thinks he might re - read this summer . He 'll let you know if he ever sleeps again . Nothing is simple . Nothing is pure . Sorrow folds inside the wings of happiness . And , as Louise Bogan says , " At midnight tears run into your ears . " Late last April , when the fist of winter in Michigan was finally letting go , I sat in my tiny office and received the news that my essay " The Art of Being Born " had been selected for inclusion in The Best American Essays . I let out a little whooping sound that died quickly , and then I bounded into the hall looking for someone to tell . The hall was empty . I took big gulps of air and sighed . I even hit my chest to quiet its banging . Returning to my office , my euphoria began to trouble me . Didn 't I remember how once before , when I was carried away with my own good fortune , I looked through the windows of my dining room and watched as my neighbor 's hospital bed was wheeled out the front door ? Roger had died that morning , the morning of my good news . In those early moments when the trees were finally leafing out and the world seemed warm and green again , I had only happy thoughts . I marveled at how an essay I had written for my daughter , detailing the day of her birth would be making its way to a larger audience . And then something brought me to a halt just as that hospital bed bumping down the front steps of the Gifford 's house had tutored me in the scale of human suffering . " Could you put the speaker phone on , " she asked , " so I can speak to you and Daddy ? " As we moved into the bedroom I thought that she might be calling to tell us she was in love . She 's at the age when it wouldn 't be surprising news . No , it was nothing like that . She called to tell us she had cancer . I don 't remember what words she said . My head was pounding too loudly to absorb everything she said . She tried to soften the blow , put a positive spin on it . I remember she said , If you have to have cancer , thyroid cancer is the kind to have . She was having a routine physical , and the doctor thought she felt something unusual in the area where the thyroid resides . She didn 't think it was anything , Clare said , but just to be sure , she told Clare to have a biopsy . Clare joked with her friends that she had goiter , and she hadn 't been in a rush to have the biopsy done . She had just gotten the results a few days ago and they were positive . She did not call us with the news right away , I noted . It had taken a day or two for her to compose herself . She and her doctor felt certain they had caught the cancer early and that the prognosis was good . Of course , it wasn 't that simple . Her doctor had shielded Clare from the more complicated scenario . And Clare , in turn , shielded us , minimizing her illness at every turn . A few days later , the specialist ordered more biopsies . The cancer wasn 't contained to the thyroid ; they hadn 't caught it early , and the removal of the thyroid was no longer going to be enough because the cancer had spread into the lymph nodes in the neck . Now she was going to have to have a radical neck dissection . Mother 's Day was cold . As if the weather was in concert with my internal revolution , it snowed . A week before when the weather suggested spring , friends had invited my husband and me to ride our bikes to the Potter Park Zoo in Lansing . I wasn 't in any mood to go to the zoo or ride my bike through the snow . I was in shock . We should have bailed on the outing , but we didn 't . I 'm not sure why . Unbelievably , we thought it would be easier to go than to cancel . Or maybe we were just frozen . We both felt an obligation to be as positive as Clare was being . I felt her presence in everything I did or didn 't do , and I knew she would be upset if we cancelled . We went to the zoo with our friends , but we were shaken . I hadn 't been to the zoo in over a decade . Zoos have always been mixed affairs for me . On the one hand , it 's the only way to come into contact with wild animals , to be in their presence for a few moments . On the other , I can 't glory in them for long without thinking about their caged existence , how their world has been shrunk to the size of whatever exhibit that the zoo was able to construct . Each exhibit is accompanied by signage that narrates a sad fate . Almost all the stories are of loss - the word endangered comes up over and over , shocking tales of the disappearance of habitat , poaching , with only the slightest ray of hope that something can be done in time . In time . The others had moved inside the reptile house . I stood outside the bars of the snow leopard exhibit remembering the last time I had stood there with my children . I wondered if the snow leopard high up on the rock ledge , whose great grey eyes could be seen despite the camouflage by trees and shrubs and dusting of snow , was the same leopard I had seen before , or had that leopard died ? I learned Serena is the current resident , born in captivity and fourteen years old , which would make it probable that she was the same snow leopard I remembered . Famously reclusive animals , they don 't come down to preen close to the front of the exhibit where we would be able to see the deep grey and black rosettes on her body and the smaller spots on her head clearly . They hold themselves apart and , as in Yeats 's epitaph , cast a cold eye " on life , on death . " A child several feet away said to his mother , the animals don 't look happy . And it was true . The Amur tigers in the next exhibit - what was supposed to pass as a range - paced in agitated circles , never settling down . When they looked in my direction , they looked angry , waiting for something that would never come . Just then the snow leopard rose up onto her wide paws , flicked her enormously long tail and leapt from her ledge across the open space to another rock where she landed softly as she must have thousands of times in her fourteen years of captivity . Shaken , shaken , shaken , that 's what I was . The cold eye of the snow leopard , practiced in a kind of dying every day , was beyond me . There 's nothing like thinking your child is safe and finding she is not and knowing nothing you can do will help . Everyone says this . I will hear it many times in the months to come and it will be true each time . Terrible things happen and we are daily surrounded by the news of them , but this wasn 't a terrible thing happening to someone else - it was happening to my child , the child I had carried inside me and given birth to and held on my chest , the child who had changed my life in every conceivable way , who had made me jump across the abyss and love her . I had spent much of my early adulthood steadfastly believing I didn 't want children . I had doubts about my fitness as a mother born primarily from having been raised by a mother whose troubles had shaped my life . But as I started to turn away from the damage of my early life , I wanted to make the journey from young woman to mother , a journey , it turns out , that never ends , and decided to risk the free fall of childbirth . In the last moments of my labor with Clare , she went into distress and I was wheeled into surgery . Despite pleas to stop pushing , I couldn 't and as she crowned my midwife could see what was causing the distress - the umbilical cord had wrapped around Clare 's neck . Each time I pushed , the cord tightened , cutting off her air . The mother knot , child and mother tied together , the essential couple . The midwife 's quick hands undid the cord and set Clare free . For a moment , though , things were complicated , one thing attached to another , life attached to death , nothing simple , nothing pure , one thing turned into another in a blink of an eye . And though that first cord was cut , Clare and I are not severed . There is nothing that undoes me from her even as life undoes itself . Perhaps it would be better to be as practiced in resignation as the snow leopard perched on her allotted rock and not like the tigers who wait for what might never come , but I can 't . I won 't . MARCIA ALDRICH is the author of the free memoir Girl Rearing , published by W . W . Norton and part of the Barnes and Noble Discover New Writers Series . Companion to an Untold Story won the AWP Award in Creative Nonfiction . Her website is marciaaldrich . com . Mandolin ? Mandoline ? I 've never been able to figure out the pronunciation of this device or how it connects to music . I have angered it . It has just sliced lengthwise through my right thumb . I have been battling a series of small but debilitating injuries since I hit my fourth decade - an ankle orthoscopy , plantar fasciitis , arthritic knees , unexpected bursitis in my shoulder . It 's old hat now . Maybe this explains why my first thought is the purely prosaic : " Fuck . Now I can 't finish dinner . " The water begins to turn a deep shade of rose . Anthropomorphizing the mandoline is a bad idea . Inaccurate . I turn my hand over , gingerly , and see that there is no flesh behind a portion of my thumbnail . I have slung my teacher 's bag onto my single shoulder , often dozens of pounds , unprotected , for over a decade . In a misguided fit of back - to - nature , I spent a summer in " minimalist " sneakers , not realizing that my tendons weren 't strong enough to handle the strain . And what preventable loss of focus drew me away from noticing where my fingers had gone today ? A doctor pauses only long enough in the exam room to assure me that I have not damaged any nerves or tendons , that nothing drastic is needed for healing , and to explain that they will place a special foam on my thumb to stop the bleeding . " Okay ? " he says . His mouth smiles , and his eyes say , " Now is when I need to smile . " I 'm grateful . Really . I 've seen a few doctors recently , and I 'm grateful for them all , no matter how busy they are . I try to catch the nurse as we leave , but he wishes us a cheerful goodbye , determinedly eye - contactless , and starts rapidly wiping up the drops of blood I have scattered on the floor . It 's six o ' clock , and the office is closing . My husband scoops up the mandoline the minute we get home . It was expensive , but I don 't feel the slightest bit unhappy about watching him pitch the whole thing into the garbage can , scalloped thumb slice still stuck to the underside . We agree that you 're better off with a plain old knife . You can see where it 's going . Three days later , I find out what I did to myself officially . It 's Ingrid who tells me , my primary care doctor . She 's unhappy , in the way doctors are unhappy who don 't want to besmirch their colleagues . Ingrid has just come back from seeing the patient scheduled after me , allowing me to sit in an examination room and soak the dressing off my thumb in warm salt water . It takes almost an hour . I 've had to work at it , pulling gently , literally asking my skin aloud to let go of the material and hoping that no one can hear me . The wound is reopened and throbbing out little tendrils of blood into the water by the time it agrees . " It 's called degloving , what you did , " she says . I laugh until I realize that she is using an actual medical term . I am struck by its poetry . I grumble wordlessly as the robe drops off my wrist just as I was about to take him up on his offer . As a pair mismatched almost exactly by a foot ( I 'm five foot three ) , we have evolved a silent vocabulary of gestures to indicate when I could use a taller person to step in . Standing forlornly in the kitchen with my hand floating in midair means , " Please get that damn coffee mug off the top shelf , " for example . Approaching him silently from behind with a light bulb is also effective . Today , though , I unequivocally need him not because of my bathrobe , but because I can 't hook my bra straps together . It 's one of those tasks , I discover , which demands working opposable thumbs . I am more and more aware of these kinds of minute movements . I collect them , the way I used to collect small semiprecious gems in grade school . The heel kicks back to close a door when my hands are filled . The fingers hook the collar of a t - shirt to toss it up over the head . The shoulders , astonishingly , comply . Garnets . Rose quartz . Fool 's gold . But he was the first to gently pull away the bloody paper towels and just as gently shoo the kids to the neighbors ' house and bundle me into the car . He reached across the seat and buckled me in with the same calm as when he held my hand , almost a decade ago , while I contracted blindly and endlessly to bring our two babies into the world . He saw both resulting c - sections performed behind the curtain placed in front of my head . He was too tall for it to obscure the view . It 's mittens . I remember suddenly , out of nowhere , how I would stay out for so long on snow days that ice would coalesce into small hail - like balls on the knitted wrists , with strands of wool as their nuclei . I remember the gritty feeling of the wool scraping across my mouth as I took off the mittens with my teeth . I don 't find gloves . She could care less . She brightens when she discovers that at least in the PH world , there appears to be no difference between slamming a glass of cranberry juice or one of red wine vinegar . This is good to know . On the way back up from the basement , I pass the shelf where we store our less - used cooking contraptions . My eyes pass over the standing mixer , the apple peeler , the cherry pitter , and I shudder . I realize that I have now renamed this shelf in my head " Things That Can Hurt Me Really Badly . " What is getting older but a yawing , a slipping and widening , of that shelf to hold more and more things ? Pots . Pans . The stairs . My ankles . Ice . My blood pressure . My brain . I cradle my bandaged hand in the crook of my left arm . I 've re - wrapped it once more , once a day , as Ingrid showed me . " Don 't roll over on it , " my husband says sleepily , already in bed . My daughter is reading quietly about bacteria cultures in her room . The ibuprofen kicks in . The moment I poured the runnier - than - my - usual batter into the pan , I had a feeling . I had an hour or so on Saturday morning to make this cake - before I took my nearly six year - old - daughter to her gymnastics class . Later that day came the party . For the eleven children in attendance , I still needed pizza , gluten - free cupcakes for the girl allergic to gluten who 'd bring her own pizza , and some ice cream maybe . It 's safe to say that by this - our fourth turning - six - years - old party - we 've become relaxed . To call dancing a theme would be stretching it . To say we 'd prepared would be stretching it . Her kids were fine . Her brother wasn 't . " He 'd gotten clean , " she launched in . " And then he stole my stepmom 's jewelry . " This guy had been in and out of trouble , more in than out , for years . His parents disagreed at this point about what to do . He stayed with them much of the time , because he was out of work . His mom - my friend 's stepmom - was at a rope 's end , and the jewelry theft - family treasures much more than dollar values - made her feel violated , stripped of all dignity . " She just wants him out . It must have felt so hostile , " she said of her stepmother 's response . " I can understand how she feels , although I don 't relate to jewelry like that . " " He can 't abide the possibility that my brother would hurt someone else or himself , " she says . " He wants to have my brother on his watch , because he says he couldn 't live with himself if something happened and they were estranged . " The something my friend 's father imagined : homicide or suicide . If you try to spackle chocolate cake with yellow frosting , you get little crumbled bits of chocolate cake interspersed in your thick yellow paste no matter how hard you try not to , like tiny flecks of dirt . " This cake could be on Cakewrecks , " I said . I had just enough frosting and enough salvageable cake to restore about three - quarters of the disastrous top layer , the one I 'd meant to be the bottom layer . I had already decided this particular cake required ice cream . In the morning , I 'd told myself I had just enough time to make a cake . I 'd done so little for this party and asked myself why should the smallest one lose out on a homemade cake ? The bakeries that offered pretty decorations had shut down and no way would I buy a supermarket cake , for no reason other than I didn 't want to . My cakes are generally good . They are generally pretty enough . Not so this time . Then again , it wasn 't my son stealing my jewelry to buy heroin so there was that . " Ooh boy , I know . I can 't imagine what I 'd do , " she said . Her oldest is four . She cannot imagine . That 's the truth . My oldest is eighteen and I can 't imagine but more so . Enough distress of the way - beyond - Band - Aids kind has occurred now to make me appreciate how small the small children problems really are . I let myself marvel at my cake in this light and was surprised by how unworried I felt by its imperfection . It 's a cake . It 's not a drug addicted , jewelry thieving son . Let my problems start and end at cake - memorably cakewrecked cake . If only the wish could make it so . A few weeks ago for some work - related research , I had to read through a stack of alumnae quarterlies ' class notes sections . According to convention , class notes start with the earliest classes and advance in time . The most recent grads go last . This means the first pages focus solely upon who died . Reports then drift back through the life cycle : ailments , assisted living and family travel , retirement , adventurous travel , gatherings of friends and grandchildren , professional accomplishments and empty nests , full nests , babies , weddings , engagements , first jobs . You can see years like ribbons - swaths of experiences , one after another across the thick , matte pages . Stories repeated . One of the milestones that many women described were their seventy - fifth birthday celebrations . Quite a few took trips : with children or spouses or friends , to far - off places or somewhere cushy for family gatherings . That was the week my mother turned seventy - five . When I called to wish her a happy birthday , she remembered how hard her sixtieth birthday had been . Her sister had cancer and was only a few weeks from death . She was just a month shy of sixty - five . " We did this big Chinese dinner with our closest friends when I turned sixty , " my mom recalled . " It was as if , in the face of everything that hurt we had to affirm the friendships . I didn 't feel like celebrating at all , not at all . I was so sad . In retrospect , until then , other than my divorce , I really hadn 't experienced loss . " We 'd been so stunned by all the losses - numbed , crushed , battered , humbled , calloused . By the time we weren 't in the midst of some crisis , I felt different . There was no more denying the inevitability that life ends . Although I felt heartbroken more than once , I also felt more grateful , even for the hard parts . I understood that it was a privilege to get to be sad . It turned out that my mother spent the weekend before her seventy - fifth birthday in search of a nursing home for her brother - in - law . He 's younger than she is , but his MS has progressed that far . " Nursing homes are depressing places , " she told me . Both of her parents managed to avoid them . I asked how about her birthday celebration . She and my stepfather had gone out to lunch . " We 're both so defeated , " she said . " I 'm glad I didn 't have to muster energy to do anything more than that . I couldn 't have pretended to have fun today . " Unlike the women who wrote of their milestone travel adventures or spa vacations with their female family members , my mother has no such plans . " The girlfriends ' lunch is in a couple of weeks , " she reported when I suggested the celebration didn 't have to happen that very day . She knows my sister in California will make cake with her three girls and that when she and I go with my kids to Florida next month , we 'll eat ice cream from the homemade ice cream place we ride a trolley to reach . None of that - ice cream and cake with her grandchildren - would be notable enough that she 'd think to submit to the alumnae quarterly for her college . So much doesn 't go into the class notes . What of those moments ? The burning baby tummies and bottoms of feet , their slack eyes and wan skin that made the red cheeks look clownish . The first time I experienced it , there were two sick , the baby and the preschooler . The labored breaths and the gloppy , encrusted noses , the coughs like wounded seals , and all that heat - and it was on me because their dad had it too . So did our housemate . By the time I 'd reached the doctor 's office , I 'd wrung about a million tepid washcloths between them . While I clutched seven - month - old - baby , the doctor patted my arm . We were standing in the exam room . " I 'd like to get a chest x - ray , " she said . " If the baby has pneumonia , we want to treat it , but it 's hard to tell when they 're so little . " I couldn 't say anything just then . I 'm sure I looked crazed , crestfallen , and scared . " It 's okay - it 's a precaution to check , " she reassured me and added , " You 'll never forget this . " This : the illness that filled the house with all that labored breathing and filled me with exhaustion and panic in equal measure . This : the patience needed to care for all those patients . And beyond our household , more exhaustion and patience and panic while my mother 's sister , my beloved aunt was dying and my father - in - law had just received a diagnosis of myeloma . There was no place calm . No one could really help us and there was no way to help anyone else beyond the sick people I could touch . Islands of illness - and only ours promised a happy ending . It was snowing . Big flakes flew at the windshield and tossed slickness on the roads . The flakes fell by the handful . I leaned in toward the windshield to squint between the wiper swipes , and I gripped the steering wheel as if I held tight enough , it would take over and deliver me safely to my destination . I am never a happy driver in the snow , and that day I was even less happy with the sick baby in the backseat and the need to pass home for the hospital . Cars inched along , the roads narrowed by snow . The tracks where tires tread muddied by sand and salt remained slick despite the intervention . At the hospital , the x - ray technicians fawned over my chubby , ill baby . I stripped him down to a diaper as requested , his hot , velveteen skin under my rough , desperate hands . The way you take a chest x - ray for a baby unable to stand is this : You place him in a cylindrical plastic contraption , which holds him upright , his arms aloft so that the machine can capture an image of what 's beneath the skin . His chubby fingers waved like tassels to some comical , fleecy hat atop his head . " He 'll cry , " the technician promised . " That 's good . We want him to cry because crying expands the lungs so we get a good image . " Nope . He just chilled in the seat with those tassel fingers and smiled . The technicians paused . " He 's a happy baby , " one concluded . " Let 's try to take the image , " she suggested and they did . " I hope this works , " the technician said , as I slipped my sick baby back into his clothes . I added the possibility that the x - ray would be inconclusive to my long list of worries . I took him home . He did not have pneumonia . Eventually , the household recovered . After that storm , which went on for a couple of days , like a prairie blizzard , there was a thaw . I walked to town . The sun shone and the snow melted with such palpability it was as if we all were thawed ourselves . The high thirties felt like summer . Snow dropped in clumps from trees and in sheets from roofs , and there were puddles the size of swimming pools on the sidewalks and streets . I reached town and ate a frozen yogurt cone outside . I turned my head to drink in the sun . I gulped the fresh , warm air , grateful to be removed from the house and the clinging arms , the hot skin , the raw winter and for a few minutes to feel myself alone . It was my first outing away from everyone since illness overtook . Anxiety and sadness flashed there , too , blinding as sunshine . My aunt , my strong , tall , smart , capable aunt , she was practically gone and my mother was inconsolably sad . Unlike my parents ' divorce when I was a child , there wouldn 't be a next chapter to imagine that could exactly ameliorate her loss . Sure , we all understood life would go on and we 'd experience happiness again . You don 't get a second sister if you have one , though . Besides , right then , the loss loomed so close , like all those big snowflakes that had walled us in . I took more breaths . I clomped back in my soggy boots , my pants legs soaked . I cried on the way home . The sunshine and freedom gave me the chance to cry . I couldn 't let in the idea that all this might happen again , with my father - in - law , but then it did - about eighteen months later . The thing that salvaged the cake wasn 't the ice cream , although I got both chocolate and vanilla . ( We had more takers for chocolate ; the vanilla was much better . ) I bought rainbow sprinkles . I stuck two Playmobil figures , a knight and a princess on the low platform left by the lack of a complete top layer . I stuck two red plastic toothpicks with big lips bright as Taylor Swift 's red pucker . I placed all seven candles , six plus the one for a new year around the top layer 's ledge . The cake blazed ; the loving lips and the smiling figures led the way . She blew . Her friends clapped . The candlelight danced against the glint in her happy , nearly six - year - old eyes . The imperfection didn 't change her joy . Imperfection really never does . The trick , I guess , if it 's a trick , is to see where you slip from problems you can spackle together with butter and confectioners ' sugar to the ones that require something else - and the ones that simply require your acceptance of them as part of a natural order . I saw the cake and heard the six year - olds ' squeals and remembered to look at it all . SARAH WERTHAN BUTTENWIESER has had essays in the New York Times , Salon , the New Haven Review , and Brain , Child magazine amongst others . Her articles have recently appeared in American Craft , Ceramics Monthly , and Berkshires Magazine . She 's a regular contributor to Full Grown People . She lives in Northampton , Massachusetts , and is on twitter : @ standshadows . I moved when the birds flew away , when the squirrels had planted their meals in the dirt , and the trees shook off their skins . It was the beginning of my twenty - third winter . I packed unwashed clothes into a suitcase while my parents were at work . Suddenly I lived in Delaware , with my girlfriend Jen and her dog , Tubby . Tubby did not belong to me at first . He was only my girlfriend 's dog . He was just a shedding thing who interrupted our kisses . I watched her play with him , jumping up and down , both smiling , as the floor squeaked and his mouth gummed her arms and his orange fur fell into the air and her long curls flew around her shoulders . I loved her . One morning , Jen tried to put drops in Tubby 's ears . She coaxed him sweetly , petting him . His ears went back and his eyes closed in happiness . She grabbed the drops and stepped towards him , still speaking carefully . He saw the bottle and hid behind me . Tubby looked at me , and his eyes , a deep , sad , amber - brown , asked me to protect him . I stood still , not allowing Jen near his quivering body ; his trust came so suddenly . I started to walk him in the morning after she went to work , the ground freezing with winter . We walked across dark asphalt and around traffic , far from the apartment , to find a spot with grass and gnarled plants . Waddling from arthritis , he spent most of his time sniffing the ground , making no noises , except the occasional sneeze . I began to talk to him . Mostly about nothing . Then I spoke about my morning , my worries . I asked him if Jen would be safe and come home to us . I told him that I was scared I would not find a job , or even worse , that I would . The weather darkened the mornings , and my fingers became red and numb in the chill . I searched out two pairs of gloves and wore both sets at the same time . He watched me as I layered my clothes before we ventured out . If we managed to leave at an early enough hour , I would sing to Tubby , knowing no one else would cross our paths . I couldn 't tell if he noticed my song . Inside the apartment , I sat on the couch with my computer , my legs folded beneath me . He watched me . I didn 't have food , yet he came near me to be touched . He fell asleep with his head on my slipper . If I got up to wash dishes or to make lunch , his amber eyes watched me go , and his ears stood alert for my return . One night , the sun was setting early and it was dark at seven . I stared at the ground , as I always did when we walked . The grass crunched under my boots . Suddenly I stopped . There was a form before me - a squirrel , dead in the brown grass . The night made its fur glint black and its eyes glow . Everything turned still . I shivered and pulled Tubby out of its path . He was uninterested . Streets and fences and the grass darkened , the world black except for the eyes of the corpse . I wanted someone to run to . I didn 't want to tell Jen . I wanted to seem strong . I was alone in my fear . Snow started to fall too often , covering Tubby 's grass . His paws gathered ice when we walked . I wore layers that made me round and genderless . With every footfall , I wondered what would happen if my booted foot stepped on the squirrel , buried under six to eight inches of hardened snow . On the way back , I followed my old frozen footprints because they were safe . Tubby sniffed the fences and made new prints . One week , the snow stopped falling and everything began to drip . I saw the squirrel , dead and asleep , gnawed and frozen . I made a note of its place in my path - past the first tree but before the bend in the fence . I walked every day with Tubby , avoiding the squirrel , sucking in my breath as we came near it , breathing out hot air when we passed . Tubby walked back to the apartment slowly - he pretended he was old and sick . I knew better . I had seen him run , towards the hidden grass , beyond the buried squirrel , towards the fresh air . He did not notice death . He was never afraid . Jen left our bed every day at seven a . m . to go to work . It was hard to let her go . I woke up wrapped in our pink sheets , her smell lingering next to me . It escaped as soon as I tried to breathe it in . I fell back into dreams , listening to the sound of hot rain pelting the white tub . She kissed me awake . I felt her breasts against my skin as she bent over , pale and soft and warm and dewed . Her hair flew around her shoulders , and I could smell the sweet shampoo . I pulled her close . One more kiss and she had to leave , to dress herself and drive through the cold to a tall building full of things to do . Some days I cried . I needed her and was left in an empty apartment . I was left to look for jobs online . Left to write . Left to take care of the dog . Some days I begged her to stay home . I knew we needed money , but some days , I did not care . In my first grown - up winter , I did not think I would get used to solitude . The sounds of the apartment scared me , the banging of the heat adjusting , the ticking slats of the blinds nudging each other , the refrigerator making ice cubes . I tried to fill the place with television sounds , familiar voices booming from another place . I got lost staring at the white popcorn ceiling . I saw lopsided faces and dancing ghosts . Nine months ago , my life was filled with tons of faces , buzzing , caring , laughing , and yelling . There was always noise . I could hear my college roommates baking bread and stacking dishes . There was always music playing in the apartments next door . I spent my parents ' money on beer and mac and cheese . There were always assignments , parties , meetings - always things to be done and I was happy never to have time to be alone . Time in my own company was spent in the shower or behind my eyelids in a dream . Soon , I would be standing in the snow alone , helping my dog find the grass . When I found my way back to the apartment I shared with Jen , I took off my coat , my hat , my two layers of gloves , my socks , and my boots . I looked at my matted hair and red cheeks in the hall mirror . Tubby sloppily licked the ice off of his paws . I wanted to show Jen my snow - covered boots and my red cheeks . I wanted to hear her praise . She did not come back from work until the sun set . It kept snowing . The sky was always grey and the ground was always white . I thought the snow looked like freshly grated parmesan cheese . I wondered if I should give a more flattering name to this celestial gift . I eyed the frozen cars and slippery roads from under my blue hood . I felt my skin flush in the nineteen - degree air , through which thirteen - mile - an - hour winds jerked at me and the dog at 8 : 30 in the morning . I walked home on cheese - covered roads . Most nights , I sat nuzzling in my girlfriend 's lap , my head resting on her chest . Those types of evenings kept me standing . I longed for days where we sat around in oversized sweatpants and forgot about our empty bank accounts and frozen grass and the car with the broken headlight , and we simply lounged in one another 's warmth , sleeping in our smiles . One Wednesday , she was home from work because of snow . The weekend winked at us . Jen 's phone buzzed , jumping on the wooden end table . She picked it up , and her soft face tightened . Her uncle Brian was in the ICU . He had fallen and hit his head . He was unconscious and not breathing on his own . Jen comes from a giant family with many uncles . I couldn 't keep their names or stories straight . I thought about my own uncles . I hardly ever saw them . My love for them was through blood . Jen was different ; she loved her family , but more importantly , she knew them . She carried great empathy for anyone , a cloak of understanding that she could wrap strangers in , strangers on television or in line at the grocery store or standing near the highway in the cold . She was upset , but in a redundant way , as if these feelings were so familiar they were stale . She was used to pain . " He … " she said , " he has never been the healthiest person . " I held her hand and kissed her and talked softly as she lied and said she was fine . She swallowed her fear and let it stick to her ribs . The day continued . I was happy to sink back into our relaxation . She liked to take her pants off at the end of the day and walk around in a baggy sweatshirt that barely covered her . She teased me as she walked . Her legs were long and pale and it was hard not to stare . I wanted to drink her and hold her at the same time . As I walked our dog in the light that bounced off the sleeping snow , I worried about Jen . She silently let the hours pass after the phone call , without mentioning her own fears . I wanted to talk to her more after the walk . When I returned , my cheeks were red , and I smelled of frozen sweat . As I took off my coat , my phone vibrated and blared my ringtone , a song by Young the Giant . Life 's too short to even care at all … It was my godmother , who only called when there was bad news . Two years prior , the morning that my grandfather died , it was her booming , tearless voice that told me . She spoke purposefully . She spoke as if from a podium . Now she told me my father was taken from work in an ambulance . He was throwing up uncontrollably . He couldn 't walk . He was sweating through his clothes . I felt very far away as I heard her explain : a CAT scan , an EKG , waiting on an MRI . They were admitting him . She would call me when they knew more . She asked me if I was okay , if Jen was with me . I looked at the yellow walls of the kitchen that were marked and stained . Muddy snow melted from my boots onto the mosaic linoleum . My dad was sick . Tears flung themselves down my face . They felt unusually warm . Jen 's strong hand was on my back . She pulled me to the sofa in the living room and held me . I did not say anything . I tried not to cry . I hardened . A selfish thought was bobbing among my fears . If Daddy dies , I 'll have to move back home . I hated myself . It was my dad , my dad . He was not supposed to get sick . He was not supposed to die . I looked at Jen , her galaxy eyes bright with sympathy . I told her I was sorry about her uncle . I sat lying against her while Mame flashed on the television . I watched Mame over and over when I was a child . I knew Jen was only watching it with me because of my dad , but I took advantage . I watched Lucille Ball dance around and sing , and I breathed easier , and I waited . Mame was broke and trying to play " the moon - lady , " missing her cue and freezing on stage in a frilly white costume , when my phone rang . Life 's too short to even care at all … I 'm losing my mind , losing my mind , losing control … It was my mother this time . Her voice was soft and tired but filled with sympathy . The MRI was clean . My dad had stopped throwing up . They were still keeping him overnight , but they thought he was going to be fine . I breathed and crawled back to Jen . There was no reason for me to cry anymore . A smog of images started to dissipate … of my dead father , frozen like the squirrel , pale and cold beneath his grey mustache , my small arms trying to reach around my mother bent over in despair , searching for a black dress . I looked down at the dingy tan carpet … at the blue recliner with the broken handle … at my bare feet . " You can still be upset , " Jen said , softly , stroking my neck . The following morning , I stepped out of the lonely bed and walked Tubby before my eyes were completely open . I stumbled along the half - snowed sidewalk , holding the leash with gloved hands and a scowl . I passed children waiting for the sight of their orange bus . Their mothers had bundled them tightly , and they kicked twisted stop signs and teased each other . I passed a woman warming up her car . I passed a man hunched over carrying a yellow plastic grocery bag . I wondered what people thought when they looked at me . I wondered if they glanced or if they stared . Did they think I was a boy ? My coat was zipped up beyond my mouth and my black hat covered my hair and forehead and the tops of my eyebrows . I wandered , formless . Only eyes peeked out of my clothes . I wondered if people were scared . Did they see the fat mess of a crumbling dog who could barely smell the weeds sticking into his nose ? Or did they only see a Chow Chow , with its aggressive reputation and fierce disposition ? I moved branches out of my way instead of ducking underneath them . The dog walked me . I stood and stepped with his ignorant permission . I followed his footfalls … one / two … three … four . Slow , arthritic , half mad . I had to keep my voice positive , " Come on , BUD ! Good BOY … " I had to stop him from running into the street where cars would run him down without looking back . I watched his back leg shake . And I drowned in guilt . No , we couldn 't go that way . No . Even though you stood old and tired and did not have enough grass I could not let you go where you needed . I tried to balance this dog on the edge of my finger like a glass figurine . My parents used to hold me up like this . They tried to keep me from looking at the ground where eventually we all crumble into fragments . I could see the ground now . Tubby teetered in my hands and I tried to be sturdy for him . My life was blissful and it also wasn 't , and that was exactly like walking the dog . It was my choice to walk him , though I had no choice at all . I could feel the guilt and anger , or I could breathe in the sweet air of the trees . When I moved in with Jen , my mother asked to see me at least once a month . She made Jen and me promise to visit on my godmother 's birthday . This was the day before the Super Bowl , only a few days after my father was hospitalized with a fleeting storm of sickness , and my grandmother was just recovering from open - heart surgery . My godmother , Bobby , turned fifty - nine . I watched them all teeter in the air with my new , grown - up , eyes . We turned into my parents ' twisted driveway . We sat in the car , sweating in our coats , filling out birthday cards and tearing price tags off of a chocolate mousse cupcake . I looked at my parents ' house . I felt older as I said those words . " Parents ' house . " Not my house . No longer my driveway , no longer my broken double door with painted gold handles , no longer my wooden spiral staircase . My parents had slowly stopped asking me to come " home , " but instead to " visit . " Whatever words she used , my mother still cried . We walked inside and our boots squeaked on the marble floor . We gave presents and smiles and hugs . There was a new clock on the mantel of the living room . It was made of light stained wood . It was too simple - no numbers . Only a pattern of light and dark wooden dots told the time . We sat on one of the giant corduroy couches , and our first official visit began . I sat next to Jen . Her coat covered her lap , and I leaned against her as we all talked . Bobby leaned back on the blue couch , her short white hair brushed high , her strong legs sheathed in jeans , her feet covered in thick woolen socks . Her eyes were quick behind her round glasses , and I saw as she tried to smile and laugh , even though she dreaded her birthday . We did not talk about it . My mother sat on the other end of the couch , her legs turned underneath her , wearing one of her unremarkable solid colored cotton shirts . My dad twitched in his chair ; the springs had sunken in from his presence . He pulled at his grey mustache . They talked , about the week , about the snow , stories that were mostly forgotten , movies mostly remembered . I listened as if I did not belong there and I did not know them . I drifted out and saw the wrinkles in their faces and their words . They seemed different . Or maybe I was different . My mother paused halfway through her sentences while we waited in patient politeness . She cocked her head and asked me to repeat my words . Bobby talked deliberately , but became confused with names and stories . My father talked about his health . Bobby teased him , yelling at him from three feet away , " You are getting into the territory of old people ! All you are talking about is your health ! " My brother was still asleep in his bed , and it was almost two in the afternoon . My father stuttered in his defense . I was twenty - three . I was living with my girlfriend . I had a credit card in my wallet with my name embossed in silver and could use phrases like " our apartment " and " our car " and " our bills " and " what should I make for dinner ? " It happened all at once . I stood up straight , because all sixty - three inches of my bones were suddenly walking around alone . My parents were now made of porcelain and reading numberless clocks , and I belonged to a new family . Somehow this was true . But it was also true that a few weeks before , I visited an urgent care center to be treated for bronchitis . I filled out the paperwork and signed my name and was just another coughing person . Unremarkable , just as I wished . A faceless voice called me behind tall double doors and I found myself in an expediting room . A man and a woman bounced around . The woman took my blood pressure and my heart pumped while the man asked how many drinks I had a week and if I smoked and what medications I was on . The woman looked at me , braless under my sweatshirt , my hair short , sitting pale and patient , and asked me to verify my birth date . She apologized , saying she thought I was under eighteen . I was small again . I slumped down into my shoulders . Every day I took care of my family : my dog , my girlfriend . I walked through snow and tried to keep everything from crashing to the ground . But that nurse could not see that . She shook her head and poked her small finger into my stomach . I realized she still missed me . She missed me like a mother who sends her child off to summer camp for the first time . She wanted me home . And I knew she wouldn 't stop crying when I left . She nodded and cried harder . I held her close and patted her back . I was twenty - three , I was living away from home , but I was also an underweight baby , ignorant , sad , and waiting for the world . I tried to be like the wooden clock on the mantel . I tried to be without numbers . Two days later , I started early . I ate a breakfast of Special K Fruit and Yogurt cereal . I ate right out of the box , dropping some on my lap , my hand blindly searching for the sweet white bites of sugar . I made a mess , and no one could tell me not to . I walked the dog before eight and we met no one on the road . Back home , the kitchen was still clean from the night before . I could not stop singing . The walls were thin and the apartment next to us was attached , but I felt alone . I sang " Danny Boy " and Cole Porter 's " So in Love . " I liked to sing songs where I could not quite hit the high notes . I sang in the bathroom to hear the echoes applauding me . I stood on the stairs . I walked slowly , feeling each carpeted step beneath my feet and breathing in my privacy . I peered over the banister , only to see Tubby staring up at me , brown eyes bright , wagging his tail as I sang " Danny Boy . " He could not hear well . He could not walk up the stairs any longer . But he heard my singing and he looked up at me and I swear he smiled . But when ye come , and all the flowers are dying , if I am dead , as dead I well may be , ye 'll come and find the place where I am lying , and kneel and say an " Ave " there for me … I sang as if it was a happy song . I sang as if I was both alone and in company . In each kind of singing , there were sweet notes of contentment . As the weeks went by , whispers of warm air floated through Delaware . Vultures started to sunbathe in the mornings . The vultures were tall , black , bony women , wrapped in night - colored cloth , peering at me with apathy . I walked by them with Tubby , and they became familiar and comforting . One morning , Tubby and I passed two vultures that were sitting on the edge of a giant blue dumpster . I walked closer and closer , wondering if they would fly away , or if they felt safe in their flock . I soon found myself only three feet from being able to reach out and touch a black wing . I stared . They were beautiful . Their only movement was a slight turn of their heads . They looked near me , never at me . I stood in the world with my dog 's head buried in grass and smiled at the undertakers . Their eyes were deep , their heads only shriveled grey skin , but sleek and strong . " Hello , " I said . I kept walking , turning to look back at them . In that moment , I was nothing to them . I was too alive . I grew up in my twenty - third winter . I stood alone and sang alone and remembered the true color of grass . Spring came as always . I watched the blades twitch in friendly warm winds . It was both a numberless spring and something new . Shadows melted away as the sun climbed .
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My house appears to be haunted , for what reason ? Who knows ? I 've been waking up at all hours of the morning to footsteps , tapping , creaking , flickering lights … you name it . I am starting to become frustrated that something I can 't even see is controlling my sleep - wake cycle , not to mention scaring my family and me . I 'm also fed up with the fact that whatever it is has my daughter too scared to sleep by herself in her room at night or even watch a movie in there alone for that matter . My daughter will not play in her own room despite the fact that I have repainted it a bright color and she and I decorated her mirror and created our own shelves out of wooden baskets . Everything she could want to play with is in her room but she will wait until I go in there with her before she looks for a toy that is not in clear sight . She and I have seen a tall shadow move across her doorway and my husband saw what seemed to be a smoky white shape of a small person in what looked like a dress zooms from the bathroom into the kitchen . I 've splashed holy water over the doorways and windows , prayed , spoke to the ghost and told it that we don 't have enough time to pay attention to it and to move on , I 've told it that it 's time for bed and not to wake me up , placed my shoes at the end of the bed facing different directions ( a technique that I read confuses ghosts ) and so on . I 've talked to this spirit enough ( when my daughter is not awake or in the same room of course ) that I naturally spoke to it again and realized I did it in front of my husband and started to laugh at the insanity . I always had intentions to do something serious about this situation and but would chicken out . Right when I think the paranormal activity is at its peak , there will be another occurrence that tops it . I came very close to yelling at whatever is in my house when I heard a noise as clear as day that woke me up at 4 : 00 a . m . I put my daughter to sleep and fell asleep in her room , something that is becoming a pattern I would like to break before kindergarten ! The sound was as if someone with large hands rapped on the hardwood floor with their knuckles sounding like a gallop , if you will . The part about this sound that got me freaked out was the fact that it was right next to me on the floor where my daughter 's pony is . This is a stuffed pony about 3 feet tall that she can sit on but it does not make noise at all or move . It sounds silly but it almost seemed like a bad joke . I eventually blew this off and drifted to sleep and was awoken by a noise identical to the rapping . It sounded like one knuckle at a time . This dreaded galloping noise was in the same spot again . This sound could not have come from anywhere outside of the room - it 's impossible . My husband was asleep on the couch but woke up to the sound of footsteps and my daughter , thank goodness , was fast asleep . They were home together today as we recently came back for vacation . I woke up early even though I hardly had any sleep and started getting ready in the bathroom at about 7 a . m . when all of a sudden I heard what sounded like a large plastic cup come flying out of the kitchen cabinet and on to the middle of the floor . I didn 't want to look , but I did nevertheless and saw that nothing in the kitchen had fallen to the floor or onto the counter . Could this spirit or whatever it may be want to taunt me ? Could it be a child who wants attention ? My husband said the white figure he saw was small enough to look like a child and was flowing as if she was wearing a dress at a quick glance . This scared the daylights out of us and saddened me at the same time . The creepy part about this idea is the fact that children will do just about anything for attention . Perhaps this is what is happening . Who knows why I would have a child ghost in my house because there was only one couple that lived there before my parents bought the house in 1976 and we never had any noticeable paranormal occurrences when I was growing up . The most common time for paranormal activity in my house is between 2 : 00 - 4 : 30 a . m . so I pretty much know when to be scared . I went to bed at 11 : 00 p . m . the night before last nervous about what events would occur that night as they seem to be inevitable . It didn 't take long to be woken up this time . It was 11 : 30 p . m . when my mattress started shaking . I couldn 't believe this was happening . It wasn 't like the scene from The Exorcist or anything where the whole bed levitates off the floor and starts banging up and down . This was a rapid side - to - side shake of the whole mattress as if some were trying to wake me up . I was fully awake and sitting up when the shaking finally subsided . I said out loud , " This is ridiculous " . I got up and dragged my husband with me to the living room to sleep on the couches . I woke up every half hour and the one full hour I slept was right before the alarm clock rang and it was time to get ready for work ! I 'm not kidding - this is annoying . I 'm 35 years old and I can 't sleep because I 'm scared of ghosts . Go tell that to a psychologist and see what they say ! I have a psychology degree , by the way , and although I do believe in ghosts , I never actually though I 'd be haunted by one on a regular basis . I am a very well adjusted individual so I know that what I 'm experiencing is valid . At least I have proof that I 'm not losing my mind as my husband and five year old daughter have both noticed the paranormal activity ( of course we always give my daughter an alternate explanation rather than telling her what is really happening ) . I 've had it . I need to prepare myself not to be afraid no matter what noises I hear or sensations I feel in the middle of the night . It 's time to show the ghost who is boss . I got ready for bed last night at 10 : 30 p . m . Assuming that this ghost could be a child , I didn 't want to scare it but I did want to lay down the law . I said firmly out loud ( my daughter was sleeping ) , " It 's time for bed and even if you don 't sleep you need to be quiet . You will not wake me up tonight because I have to work in the morning and I am going to get some sleep " . My husband was laughing at me but I didn 't flinch . I showed absolutely no weakness though I didn 't come across as too harsh either . I did however sleep with the bottle of holy water under my pillow and placed my shoes in the doorway of the bedroom facing opposite directions for added comfort . I lay down with my hands behind my head and kept a very stern state of mind . I told myself that it is ridiculous to allow an entity to control whether or not I sleep at night , demanded to myself that I would get a good night 's sleep and will not be scared if I am woken up by another unexpected incident . There was either no activity last night or I was able to tune myself out enough to not be woken up . I don 't want to have to start an obsessive - compulsive pattern of things to do before I go to sleep , so I 'll test this out for a few days and then do nothing one night to see if it makes a difference . If the paranormal activity starts again , well , I guess I 'll just have to stick with my regimen . I 'll keep you posted ! Editor 's note : This article is reprinted with the written permission of Troy Taylor . The photograph is of ( L ) Keith Age and ( R ) Troy Taylor . For more information go to American Hauntings . Perhaps even more frequent than these chance , fact - to - face encounters are the phone calls and email messages that I receive from people who also claim to be going through the same predicament . All manner of strangeness may be reported and on many occasions , the callers and correspondents will ask what they should do about their uninvited and often spooky guests . Should they move out ? Should they stay ? Should they talk to the specters or ignore them ? What is the best thing to do in this situation ? And most of all , should they contact a ghost hunter to come in an investigate ? First of all , let me say that over the years that I have been involved in ghosts and ghost research , the vast majority of the cases that I have been involved in have perfectly natural explanations . These explanations may not be immediately realized , but they can be discovered . Of course , that is not to say that I have not been involved in some cases that did puzzle me and which did leave me feeling that ( based on the witness accounts and my own research ) the location really was haunted . As the witness to a series of what could be ghostly events , you ( the reader this article is aimed at ) have to first determine whether or not you think the odd happenings in your house ( or business , theater , etc . ) are natural or supernatural . In order to do this , you should try and relax and be a good observer . Even if you are scared by what you have seen or heard ( or what someone else has seen ) you have to give the occurrences some rational thought . Could those " phantom footsteps " have been simply the house settling or the floorboards creaking ? Could that " cold chill " have been merely a draft ? Could the " ghost " that you saw out of the corner of the eye have been nothing more than a trick of the light ? Maybe the events have explanations , or maybe they don 't . Believe me , I know that it 's easy to let your imagination get away from you . All it might take are a few harmless comments to someone else in the house and before long , you have a " haunted house " made to order ! Here 's how that works : Let 's say that you and your family just moved into an old house in a neighborhood in your town . You don 't know anything about the history of the house but unknown to you , a family of mice lives quite comfortably in the cellar . One night , you wake up and hear strange noises coming from under the floor . Since you don 't know that the sounds are caused by the mice , you jump to the conclusion that the house is haunted . Of course , it 's not haunted … but that 's not the point . What is important is that you think the house is haunted ! In fact , you get quite caught up in the idea and begin to think that every bump and creak that you hear is something ghostly . An odd reflection or a curtain moving in the wind might even look like a ghost . Combine all of these things together and you have a haunted house on your hands ! You can see why it might be easy to feed off one another 's fears and literally " invent " a haunted house . That 's why I try to ask the people who contact me to step back for a moment and try to look at the events they describe to me as a skeptic . I ask them to try and consider some other possibilities for the events besides supernatural ones . Sometimes this can be done and sometimes it can 't . I never tell the witness that their house cannot be haunted ! Obviously , there is no way that I can know that and for several reasons : What I am trying to do at this point is to simply assist the witness in looking at what they feel is a supernatural event in another manner . As a witness , you should not take offense at this . In fact , you should welcome the skepticism of the investigator . A legitimate investigator will not accuse you of lying but he will also not immediately accept your story as fact , based on the idea that he really has very little evidence to work from at this time . It is not that he doesn 't believe you , but only that he is keeping an open mind to everything , including the idea that the house may not be haunted . This is the sort of investigator that you should be looking for … not the one who immediately accepts your story at face value . This is a sure sign of inexperience with real cases and one best to be avoided . However , at this point , I may have gotten ahead of myself a little bit . As mentioned already , it is best for the homeowner to try and determine for themselves if the possible ghostly activity has some natural cause . In many cases , if they do contact an investigator , that investigator may try and suggest some natural causes for the activity and it would be best to try and rule that out ahead of time . You might save yourself some embarrassment down the line , although a good investigator would never try to make you feel silly for some misidentified happenings . Another thing that I recommend doing is to try and keep a log or a journal of any activity that occurs in the house . This will be extremely helpful and as a rule , I always suggest it to people who contact me about their possible haunting . It 's a great way to not only recall the events while they are fresh in your mind ( so you don 't have to try and remember them for the first time in a later interview ) but also to see if a pattern of activity exists . The determination of such a pattern would be extremely helpful to an investigator . It could show a natural cause for the activity ( such as a furnace kicking on or a nearby fright train passing by ) or might make it possible ( if the activity turns out to be real ) to decide when might be the best time for a paranormal investigation to take place . Obviously , if it looks like the ghostly events are occurring at a certain time ( or day ) , then this would be the time the ghost hunter and his team would want to be present . Now that you have been able to try and rule out natural explanations for the events in your house and perhaps have even kept a log of the weird things that occurred , you have to decide what you want to do next . Admittedly , many witnesses will not have gotten this far with their own research . Many people are frightened by what is going on and very few of them understand it . The fact that ( if you think your house is haunted ) you have gone as far as to read this article is something you should be commended for . People are frightened by the unknown and by things that they don 't understand . I should tell you though , that in all of the years that I have been involved in ghost research , I have never run across anything that I would consider to be " evil " or " demonic " . Yes , I have run across some cases that are outside of the norm , and were certainly strange , but they were not " demons " disguised as ghosts ! Despite what some people would have you believe , the cases of people actually being hurt by ghosts are very , very rare . There is an extremely remote chance that you have anything at all to be afraid of , so try and relax and keep your eyes and ears open to any other developments . At this point , you have a choice of what to do next . You can either learn to live with the novelty of a ghost in your house , or you can get in touch with a legitimate ghost researcher to help you understand it better . You may also decide that you can 't abide the idea of sharing your house with a ghost and we 'll talk about what you can do about that later . Even if you decide that you want to " get rid of " the ghost , it 's likely that an investigation team would need to determine the veracity and extent of the haunting first . This leads up to you getting in touch with a qualified ghost hunter , who can come into your home and determine what sort of activity is taking place . This is not as easy as it sounds ! There are literally hundreds of websites on the internet that claim to be affiliated with paranormal research and it would seem that you have scores of ghost hunters to choose from . Unfortunately , this is not the case . Once you discard the inactive groups who still have websites , the " wanna - be " ghost hunters who offer all sorts of services and yet have never actually done a real investigation and the ones who think that wandering around in cemeteries with cameras makes them " researchers " … you don 't have near as many to choose from as it first appeared ! 1 . Make sure they offer a phone number . While there is nothing wrong with making contact through email , make sure that the group or ghost hunter you are contacting offers a phone number where they can be reached . This does not insure credibility but it does at least rule out the wishful ghost hunters who are living in their parent 's basement ! In many cases ( as with the American Ghost Society ) , larger organizations may not offer the phone numbers of their area investigators but they should offer a main number where information can be given out . 2 . Make sure that the contact information on the ghost hunter 's website lists a first and last name of the persons who are actually doing the investigations . If they are listed by their first names only , then it 's likely that they are not serious investigators but rather more wishful ghost hunters looking for thrills . 3 . Try and determine from the website if the investigators are someone that you would like to have in your home . Remember , the website is the method of advertising that they chose to offer their services through and if the site is questionable , the ghost hunters are likely to be as well . Anyone can put up a website but the quality of the material on it will speak volumes about who is behind it . 4 . Avoid ghost hunters who dabble in magic , the occult or offer " magical cleansings " of homes . All of these things are the ghost hunter 's own business ( and on their own time ! ) but should not in any way be a part of a legitimate investigation . If anything like this appears on the website , move on . And be sure to ask about this when you speak to the person on the phone because solid researchers will not employ these methods . 5 . Legitimate ghost hunters will not charge for their services . If you are asked to pay for an investigation , then you should look for something else . Only services that produce concrete and tangible results are worthy of payment and paranormal research is too unpredictable for that . In most cases , very little may occur in an investigation and no one should be expected to pay for that . It should be noted however that if the ghost researcher is expected to travel ( especially overnight ) to reach your location , it should be expected for you to offer that person reimbursement for their expenses . 6 . Remember that legitimate ghost hunters will come to your home by invitation . If you are contacted and are asked if an investigation can be conducted in your home , quickly decline . Trustworthy ghost hunters don 't go where they are not wanted ! This may not be the case in public locations though , so if you are involved with a location that has a reputation for being haunted , you may be contacted by someone . At that point , you should simply judge the researcher on his merits . 7 . Once you believe you have found an investigator that you are comfortable with , you need to check his qualifications for an investigation . Ask how long he has been involved in paranormal research and about investigations in the past , especially those involving private residences . If he claims to be some sort of " doctor " , ask where this certification may have come from . Just because he chooses to pay for a questionable " doctorate " from an internet university , does not make him qualified to interact with people . Believe it or not , many ghost hunters have never conducted an investigation in a home ( no matter how experienced they seem ) and you have to decide if you are comfortable with this person starting out in your house . They may turn out to be great investigators , but you have to decide if you want to be their first one ! 8 . Also ask the researcher if they are affiliated with a research group or a national organization . Just because they are not does not make them less legitimate , however being affiliated with a group that has a good reputation can help you make a decision about allowing the researcher into your home . You can also get in touch with the main number for the group and check this person out before working with him . Just remember though , once you have decided on the person that you want to contact , you have to be patient when requesting help . Although there are people out there claiming to be legitimate and charging large sums of money to " bust your ghost " , genuine researchers do not charge for investigations , being more interested in collecting evidence . Because of this , there can be a shortage of funding for most people involved and witnesses are often asked to wait until the investigator can be freed from his " real job " . Once you have a ghost hunter to work with , they will need to determine if an on - site investigation of your home is needed . They will do this by asking a lot of questions and by referring to information that I mentioned you should gather earlier in this article . They will need to know that you have already tried to rule out natural explanations for the phenomena and perhaps even that you have compiled dates and times for the reported events . Should the researcher then decide that an investigation of the house is warranted , then prepare to be invaded ! Even though legitimate research groups will consist of no more than 5 - 6 individuals , a good team can seem like many more . An investigation can be very invasive and there will be photographs taken of the house and hundreds of feet of video shot . The investigators will ask you to describe the events that occurred ( perhaps several times ) and your statement will be recorded . They will ask you dozens of questions and many of them will seem unconnected and perhaps even embarrassing . Bear with them however , because the questions do have a purpose and the investigators will be working to try and not only legitimize your story but also to try and determine if the reported activity is real . 1 . The investigating team should be no more than 5 - 6 people in your home . If the group is larger than this , then they have no idea what they are doing and should be questioned by you . 3 . Remember that they should arrive at your home with healthy skepticism . No one is trying to debunk your reports but have to keep an open mind to all possibilities . Good investigators must remain non - committal until they have had a chance to gather their evidence . 4 . Make sure that the investigators seem to know how to use all of their equipment . If there is anything that you don 't understand , be sure to ask them to explain what it is used for . If they cannot , you may have a problem . 5 . Unless the investigation was set up through you with a local television station or newspaper , the investigators should not be accompanied to your home with a reporter or media person . This should never occur without your permission ! The investigators are duty - bound to keep all aspects of your case confidential unless they have your permission to disclose anything . 6 . As mentioned already , the investigators should be able to explain to you what they are doing and don 't be afraid to ask . If there is anything that you want to know or need to information to feel comfortable , a legitimate researcher will give it to you . Just remember that any natural explanations that are discovered that might show the " haunting " has nothing to do with ghosts should be properly explained . This is not an indictment against your honesty , so don 't be offended . You asked this person in to give you an honest opinion and you have to be prepared to accept it . 7 . You can also help by making sure that everyone who experienced anything unusual is present on the night of the investigation and that you keep out friends and relatives who want to come over to watch the proceedings . This can be very distracting to you and the to the investigators and can interfere with an accurate investigation . 8 . Also remember that if you become uncomfortable with what is going on at any point in the investigation , you have the absolute right to call a halt to everything . The investigators are present at your request and are " guests " in your home . They should be given the respect that such a title signifies , but they also have to respect your feelings and fears as well . If the phenomena that you have reported occurs on a regular basis , or has a set pattern , the investigators may want to conduct a vigil or " ghost watch " . This means that they will set up themselves and their gear in hopes that the activity might occur again . This can be a long process and can be very boring for you and the investigators . At this point , you may want to consider going ( quietly ) about your activities and to let them work . You may have noticed in this article that I mentioned several times that activity rarely occurs during the investigation . In some cases it does though , and this can be exciting for everyone involved . However , in most cases ( if the investigator has determined that there seems to be a strong possibility that the reported phenomena is genuine ) a follow - up investigation will be required . This usually means a return visit that will be much less " painless " than the first , as the initial groundwork has already been laid . It should be stressed that a legitimate researcher will always follow up on a case . If you do not hear from him , and the phenomena persists , then call him yourself . Don 't be afraid to get in touch with him and ask him to come back . The information that has come before has been mostly geared to the witness who has experienced something out of the ordinary and while not completely frightened by it , is curious enough to contact someone who can tell them more . Truthfully , I have worked more often with this type of person than any other . They aren 't necessarily afraid of the activity they have reported , but are bothered by it to the point that they decided to seek some help . This is not always the case though . As a witness , you may call in a researcher to decide whether or not your house is truly haunted and once you realize that something is actually happening ( and that others are seeing it too ! ) , you may want to call the proceedings to a halt . This can happen when the witness is afraid of making the ghost " angry " and you may decide that you want to just leave well enough alone , who knows ? Some witnesses also may decide that they want to get rid of the ghost and if this happens to you , the investigators that you have contacted have no choice but to go along with your wishes . But unless the investigator is a psychic ( and I don 't recommend contacting a psychic for your investigation unless they are accompanied by a legitimate team to back up their findings ) , they will not be equipped to get rid of the ghosts that may be haunting your house . Most ghost hunters are merely investigators . We do not talk to ghosts and we don 't see them around every corner . If we are going to be able to help you , we are going to have to contact an outside source . Let me reassure you again though that ghosts are not present to hurt anyone and in almost every case , a family can peacefully coincide with a spirit . Obviously though , not everyone wants that and some even insist that the ghost itself would be better off passing on to wherever we go at the time of death . In this case , the ghost hunter should be proactive in helping you with your wishes . If you have a family minister , the ghost hunter will likely suggest that you get in touch with this person and ask them to come to the house and to pray for the soul of the spirit that is present . This is not an " exorcism " but simply an attempt to get the ghost to leave in peace . It can be of great benefit to you and your family as well . If a willing minister is not available , then the ghost hunter should be able to suggest or find an expert in getting rid of ghosts . They may not be a professional medium or psychic but someone who is sensitive to spirits and who has a good reputation . It should be someone the ghost hunter has either worked with before or someone who was referred through a legitimate source . There is usually a complete lack of ceremony with this type of person as they are not a phony psychic or exorcist . They are likely going to want to look over the location and sit down and talk with you before proceeding . Remember though to beware of any medium that tries to pump you for too much information up front ! It is obviously more legitimate if this person can gather impressions that match the information you already have . If they come up with weird things that you have not experienced and seem to be making things up out of thin air , they most likely are ! If an authentic medium detects a spirit that is present , they will try and convince it to move on . How effective is this ? It 's hard to say . It has been my experience that sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn 't . It usually has a positive effect on the house though , no matter what else it does . I often get calls from people who ask for this service but in my years in the paranormal field , I have found very few people that I can recommend as someone trustworthy enough to be given this assignment . They are out there though and if you request it , the ghost hunter you work with should do all they can to get you in touch with them . In closing , I hope that this article has been worthwhile for you and has provided you with some of the essential information that you need in order to find a legitimate ghost hunter . I always say that ghost hunting has several goals . Not only is the ghost hunter seeking evidence of ghosts , but he is also there to help the person who called him in to investigate the case . It is the ghost hunter 's main responsibility to alleviate the fears of the witness and to help them deal with the activity they are experiencing . The witness should never be shut out of the investigation but should be treated with the utmost respect . . for man always fears what he does not understand . If you are experiencing a haunting and have been thinking of contacting a ghost hunter , then I hope that you now know what to expect from this experience . In some small way , I hope that this knowledge can contribute to the end of people being taken advantage of by the questionable and inexperienced ghost hunters who are out there . A little knowledge can go a long way and now that you know what to look for , you can avoid the problems that so many have encountered in the past . Good luck ! Djinn or Genie are they real or folklore ? Do they come from the paranormal world or another dimension ? wp . me / prqrx - 8kPosted for all to see 3 years ago
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Oh , I am this bored . 2008 in Review : 1 . What did you do in 2008 that you 'd never done before ? I travelled outside of Canada and the U . S . . Got out from under my former manager 's thumb . 2 . Did you keep your new years ' resolutions , and will you make more for next year ? I don 't remember making any last year ; I usually don 't . 3 . Did anyone close to you give birth ? Yes , a few of them . Damn reproducers . 4 . Did anyone close to you die ? Yes , my Grandpa . 5 . What countries did you visit ? Cuba , the United States . 6 . What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008 ? My masters ' degree . Less debt . 7 . What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory , and why ? I can 't believe I didn 't think of this first - - November 21 , date we signed the papers to buy our first house . 8 . What was your biggest achievement of the year ? Finishing the research paper at the same time as buying and moving into the new house . Oh yeah , I like to stack all of my stresses together at once . 9 . What was your biggest failure ? Scraping my dad 's car against another , resulting in some good damage . . . and holy shit , I just realized I forgot to pay my ticket on that . Fuck . 10 . Did you suffer illness or injury ? Just colds . 11 . What was the best thing you bought ? The Dear Boyfriend 's love . Or a house . 12 . Whose behavior merited celebration ? The DB and I , for moving without any fighting whatsoever . His cousin and friend , for helping us move ( again ) , without any complaints . 13 . Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed ? My own , for a few epic breakdowns ( though there was only the one when we moved , so that was awesome ) . A friend or two , for stuff I won 't put here . 14 . Where did most of your money go ? Bills , debts , the house . 15 . What did you get really , really , really excited about ? Buying the house ( notice a theme ? ) , although I 'm honestly still a bit mellow about that . It 'll sink in when I have to pay something major on it . Finishing the research paper , though again , I 'm mellow - - it ain 't done until I see the official statement that it 's been accepted by all the right pat Dear person sending me work , There is no point in telling me that you don 't need something posted until next week when the email below yours indicates that the text hasn 't been sent to you because it is not yet final . It 's all well and good to tell me that ' next week is fine , ' but I hate to break it to you - - updates to the Intranet are not something I 'm waiting on tenterhooks to do . I don 't know why , some of this just rubs me funny . Also , I 'm wondering if the summer is too soon to go back to school . I may have a sickness . I 've come to the conclusion that my cats may be slightly spoiled , and they may know this , too . I was looking for candles the other day , and came across the pyjama string that , for many months , represented Venus ' favourite ever toy ( though the laser pointer comes close to tying it ) . She has now taken to demanding play time in both her passive and aggressive ways ; either by sitting by it , staring at it , until someone caves and starts playing with her , or by telling you that she wants you to play through varying commands . She also loves to sit on my lap desk while I 'm trying to cross stitch , thereby blocking me from seeing the pattern and ensuring that I can 't really do much other than pat her . Then there 's Thena . In the mornings when I shower , I don 't bother closing the door all the way . Thena generally comes in sometime between when I get in the shower and when I shut the water off , and she 's perched on the lid of the toilet waiting for me . While I do my morning preparations , she likes to climb into the sink and lie down in it , meaning I can 't do anything that involves water ( like washing my hands after doing my hair ) . However , the previous owners did put some kind of directional spout addition on the tap , so I can point it slightly away from her and fill a glass at least . Anyhow , I 'm convinced Thena knows how unlikely I am to disrupt her , because the other day she was in the sink with the smuggest expression on her face . . . although this is the same cat that twisted her head upside down and stared at me with her tongue sticking out , so maybe I 'm giving her too much credit . And for the record , I 'm not the only one that spoils the beasts ; the DB said last night that he hoped Venus would give him more leg room in bed . When I suggested he could push her off the bed , he said that would be mean - - which is usually my response , but clearly I am turning him to the dark side as well . That all sounded better last night when I was thinking about it . I fail at entertaining writing . Anyhow , work this month has been crazy . I 've loggat Ah , progress . Progress is my middle name - - re - elect Mayor Goldie Wilson . Erm , sorry . I 'd been wanting to watch Back to the Future again recently , so the DB and I had thrown it on Sunday night to watch with dinner . Family Guy actually referenced it at one point , so it had been stuck in my head for awhile thereafter , and I have to say , I still have lines and their deliveries memorized . I was nice and didn 't quote as we watched , though . I think what keeps me watching Family Guy is twofold ; one , to see what new shocking thing they 'll try , and two , to see what other pop culture reference they 'll make . Say what you will about Seth MacFarlane , he enjoys musicals and drops references to them in his show regularly enough to keep me entertained . . . or the opening credit sequence that spoofs Police Squad . Sure , the show is regularly fairly goofy , and the plot usually veers off into a totally different direction from where it started , but there are some neat throwaway references that I can appreciate . There are also some gags they beat into the ground , like the chicken fight , or the knee gasping , or the ipecac . . . but at the same time , I loved the Vaudeville guys , and I 'm sure they weren 't everyone 's favourite . I also love whenever Adam West appears on the show , ' cause he gets the most ridiculous things to say , and the man does it . While I don 't watch American Dad , I love that Patrick Stewart appears on it and also says goofy - ass stuff . I have no idea why I just went off on Family Guy as long as I did . I 'm simply enjoying some peace and quiet for a change , I think . I did the first draft of changes to the paper last night and sent it back to the prof . The end is in sight , provided he 's okay with what I 've done . I may have to add more , but I 'm hopeful . . . urgh . My classmate has been pretty awesome through this experience , and I 'm thinking of picking her up a small gift for the holidays as a token of thanks . She 's Jewish , so if I can do something that has an 8 theme ( or even 8 of something ) and related to school , I 'm golden . Hannukah 9 : 45 AM Just a quick one , since I still have some things I want to do today ( like perhaps eat some breakfast ) , but . . . as vain as this is going to sound , I like the mix of abilities I have . For example , I just trouble - shot my internet connection ( particularly my router issue ) , and I 'm about to go bake some cookies . I 've been decorating the new place with some of my pictures and artwork ( finally ! ) , and at some point soon , I have to go change the oil on my bike and get it properly ready for winter ( although who knows what 'll happen this season ) . And I 'm also finishing up my masters ' paper , but that 's more of a HUGE MAJOR STRESS than any real skill . What does it mean when December looks to be the most relaxing month in some time ? So yes , the big news - - we bought a house . We still have one bookcase to bring back ( and I 'm sure it was nothing subconscious on the DB 's part that * that * got left behind ) , and a few small cleaning supplies , but otherwise , we are moved out of the old place . This place doesn 't feel quite like * ours * yet , but it 's always taken some time for me to get that to sink in whenever I move anyhow . Fortunately , I 've held my hysterical crying fits to a single one , shortly after I scraped another car with my dad 's car . $ 1200 damage to Dad 's car , about $ 500 to the other - - so really , I got lucky . Only paint transfer , nothing worse . Except for the ticket that I got when the other driver went through the police station because he was told to by his insurance . . . blah . Last time we moved , I spent about $ 600 on Venus when she got her UTI ; this time around she got comfortable in the house a lot more quickly , but instead I get to spend on car work . And we possibly get to pay the management company of our old place to repair some plaster damage to that house , done when we moved the couch out . The DB 's dad might do it for us , since it 's not a lot of work , but we 'll see . The painter said if he can convince the management company to repaint the whole house , we won 't have to pay for it . We 'll still have to pay to have the carpet12 : 15 PM Two days down , no fights of note and nothing broken ( that I know of , at least ) . This is good , and shows we move well together . Though I really do hope we won 't be doing it again for some time yet . I 've gotten rid of a bag of clothes and about three - quarters of a box of books . My colleagues were kind enough to remove some of them ( well , once I took them in to work ) , and the rest I 'll perhaps try to sell on amazon or something , as well as the DVDs that I have duplicates of . I figure given that I work across the street from a post office ( again ) , it can 't be that hard to do . Progress on the paper is going . . . probably not quite as well as it could be , but certainly about as well as realistically expected . Let 's face it ; I am a procrastinator - - as is the DB , which is why we 're packing as we 're moving - - and I 'm even procrastinating a bit from writing now . I 've gotten about 3 pages of the 17 - 19 page analysis done , and something tells me it 's going to run long . I feel as though there 's so much I have to say , and when I try to think about how to fill the 17 pages , I can 't do it , but when I get going writing , and then think about the other authors I 've cited that I can throw in . . . suddenly 17 pages doesn 't feel like nearly enough . I 'm taking this to be a good thing - - it 's just a matter of making the time between now and Wednesday to get it the fuck done . I was originally scheduled to be off from work Wednesday - Friday for this move , but as it turns out we were doing most of it up front , so I booked off Monday and Tuesday as well . Monday I 'll be on my own for hauling stuff , as the DB has to work , but I 'm going to hopefully balance out moving , packing / unpacking and writing . If I only get stuff boxed up , that 's not so bad . I should probably spend some time putting away some of my clothes , as there 's currently a nice pile on the floor of my bedroom ( as always ) . Tuesday the boys will be coming over to do the major furniture , and aside from the monstrosity that is the couch , that shouldn 't be too hard . It may take two or three triat And here is how the DB complements me well . I 'm kind of a pushover when it comes to talking about money . I don 't like to haggle and I don 't like to negotiate . If I 'm asking for a price for something I own , I will lower the price if it benefits the other person or if it seems I 'm asking too much ; by contrast , if I 'm buying something from someone , I will offer more money if it seems to sway them . The DB , on the other hand , has some 11 years experience in business , and feels more comfortable in these discussions it would seem . Case in point - - when we gave notice to our management company that we intended to move out , they insisted we provide 60 days notice . Okay , fine . Then , they stated that even if we were to give notice on September 15th , for example , we would be held as tenants until November 30th ; I think so that they wouldn 't have to split rent months . Okay , fine . Annoying , but whatever . However , this lack of willingness to negotiate on their part has meant that we 've become a little more . . . shall we say , set in our ways on issues where they need us to do things . Property viewings to prospective tenants ? No , those have be after 6 : 30 p . m . , when one or both of us is available . A daytime showing is not acceptable - - after all , we both work 8 - 6 ( give or take ) . I previously ranted about that situation , so I 'll move on . Next was a move - out viewing ; they wanted to do Thursday the 20th - - well , we won 't have started moving anything at that point , so how would Monday sound instead , when it 's a bit easier to see things ? I mean , we could have furniture blocking holes we 've put in the walls ( we don 't , but it 's possible ) . No problems . No , we won 't insist that one of us has to be there , just please watch for the cats . However , just now was a fun one . We have the property until November 30th , a Sunday . They don 't get the property until 12 : 01 a . m . December 1st . The new tenants would like to start moving in on Saturday , November 29th - - is that doable for us ? We 'd change the utilities to reflect us stopping payment of them on the at So . Freak - out time : My deadline for submission , with supervisor 's acceptance , of my research paper is December 1st . We take possession of our new place November 21st , and we are moving from then until the end of the month ( more or less ) . I 'm off November 26th - 28th ( Wednesday - Friday ) . I sent my professor my second chapter yesterday evening - - this one dealing with the research framework / methodology . I 'd previously sent him my literature review , and he said he 'd get back to me ASAP . These two sections form the groundwork for my analysis , which will comprise 17 - 19 pages ; if they seriously suck , it 's going to be a hella lot of work to replace ( yes , this is how I write academically , too ) . I got an ' Out of Office ' reply to my email saying that my professor will be out of the office until November 25th . So . . . I basically have to have everything to him before then ( do - able ) so that he can provide me with comments and notes that I can then take into consideration for re - writing my paper for December 1st . Arguable do - able . If he hates it and I have to do a lot of re - writing ? Challenge . Extra - challenge ? The appointment to switch the internet over is November 28th ; so I may be sitting on the floor in an empty house for two days , writing on the laptop . It 's true , I didn 't have enough stress before this . . . I 'm so happy for this ' opportunity . ' Okay , so the following is a snippet of history / stupidity from the DB and my history . This conversation came about nearly two months after we 'd met for the first time ( though we didn 't meet again for nearly another two months after this conversation ) . A conversation on me drinking somehow degenerated into a conversation on how I should seduce myself ( excuse the typos / spelling and homonym mistakes ) … and don 't think I 'm the only one in this relationship who 's seduced herself - another conversation we had dealt with him seducing himself . He needs wine and candlelight , apparently . ( I 'm in italics ) just don 't slip any roofies into your own drinksparty time . . . . awwwlllll right ! * rofl * But how else am I supposed to take advantage of myself ? ! be smoothbe charming , a gentleman and don 't stare at your breasts Aw , that * never * works ! your rightbut it sounds good anyway * sigh * I 'll see what I can domaybe if you catch yourself by surpriseYeah , the hand up the thigh sometimes can workuse some cheesy pick up lineYeah , if I make myself laugh , that 'll workhumour breaks the iceand gets her smiling at you , important first stepexactlymake eye contactI don 't usually reveal my flexibility this early on , but okayask questions , but don 't reveal too much about yourselfmystery is the spice of life Okay , be interested in what I have to say , good , goodno more advice , thats usually where I stall out Aw , poor babyShould I flash a big wad of cash ? hey , this is all for youwell , if you take yourself to be a golddigger , it may workThe idea of someone to pay my bills is tempting , but I usually wind up dating people who make less than mewhich is like , everyonegovt employees . . . . . sheeshHah , I have debts out my wazoo , my daerdoesn 't mean you don 't make a lot , it means you like to live a generous lifestyle : ) Well , I have to romance myself properly ! seeI have to treat myself in the manner to which I 'd like to become accustomedyou just can 't expect to take yourself home if all you can afford is cheap datesExactly ! Although cheap dates can be fun , tooat I am running out of November very quickly , and it 's not yet totally stressing me out , but I 'm getting there . I 've transferred over all of the main services - - hydro , gas , water / sewer , taxes , cable / internet - - as well as set up mail forwarding via Canada Post as of the move date , so that should catch the bulk of it . We 'll hang on to our mailbox keys for the current place , so anything that doesn 't get forwarded over the first week will still be pick - up - able . What pleases me about the Canada Post mail forwarding system is that you specify the names to forward , so you don 't get stuck with all of the other crap that gets sent to that address . As an example , I lived at my last apartment from August 1st , 2004 to ( technically ) , November 30th , 2007 ; I was * still * getting mail from the previous tenants up until I moved out . We 're in the same situation right now - - and I look forward to getting away from that . People don 't realize how much crap their name gets added to , or how much crap they sign up for , until the next person to live in your apartment or home gets stuck dealing with it . Then there 's all the crap that companies send out just because you already have two or three of their current services and they want you to buy more . NO ROGERS , I DO NOT WANT YOUR HOME PHONE . Argh . My only real complaint about our neighbourhood , aside from the semi - sporadic bus service in the evenings ( once an hour after 9 : 00 p . m . until the last route at 11 : 15 p . m . ) , is that there are a metric fuckton of flyers , pamphlets , trade papers , etc . , that seem to find their way to our home . I never got around to it here , but I fully intend on putting up a sign at the new place requesting that no flyers be delivered . Alternately , I 'll put the black box on the front porch with a sign and an arrow down to it asking for people to put the flyers in there . . . ' cause I know we don 't read ' em . Anyhow , aside from the joys that moving always brings , especially a move that 's going to take place over a week and a half instead of in a single day . . . on the one hand , moat A few notes : next time you 're in need of a lawyer , vet them a little more thoroughly . The guy you pick from the phone book , though he may have convenient offices to both your home and work , may also be senile . . . and somewhat condescending / patronizing . I 'm sorry that I don 't have as much money as you think I should ; this is what happens when you 're young and have been paying living expenses for some time . Yes , I 'm aware of the extra money you believe I 'm " losing " - - the same fees that anyone else in my situation would have to pay . Yes , I 'm a little frustrated that you 're asking me the same questions that I 've answered from you on more than one occasion . Now I have to wonder if what you 're putting together is even valid legally , let alone accurate . Lately I 'm inclined to believe that one or both of the kitties is either in training to be or actually has become a ninja . The reason I believe this is because someone has , at least on one occasion , constructed a nunchuck using only her poop and some yarn . I think she forgot she left it there , since I found this device when I went to scoop out the box one day . I don 't normally study their poops particularly closely , but this one definitely gave me pause . And a moment of weird pride , I think . I 'm at home sick today because the darling DB gave me his cold , and I spent the weekend sick as a dog . Just . . . awful . At least today I finally seem to be feeling better . I haven 't been sleeping very well the last week or so , and I 've been having a number of dreams as a result ( I seem to dream more when I don 't sleep very deeply , which often happens when I 'm too warm at night ) . Earlier this week , I was in a semi - dozy state for about 20 minutes before my alarm actually went off , and I was composing and revising media lines in my head - - part of my job description , and not something I generally like to dream about . That said , it beats the dream that I had while employed under my previous manager , which involved my coworker and I wandering , lost , in a fog . . . one of the first times I 've haat Based on the conversations I had with two of my female coworkers at work this morning , I have to wonder if the three of us spent equally rough weekends , mentally / relationship - wise . Mind you , since one of them is currently in a long - distance relationship , I 'm not sure that 's exactly a fair guess . Not to say that there are problems , exactly , in this world of mine . . . simply stresses equating to a shorter internal temper and things bothering me a bit more than is usual for me . It will pass , and all will once again be well . Now we 're into November and the real deadlines start . I have roughly a month to finish up the paper , and that includes finishing some of my reading - - fortunately , the end is in sight for that . I need to get my literature review off to my professor ASAP ( or , honestly , several weeks ago ) , and then continue writing as I wait for his assessment of the crap I spew . Not to mention all the move organization that comes , and all of the paperwork that has to be filed , the cheques that have to be written , the organization that has to be done , the packing and purging that has to take place . . . if it weren 't for the fact that winter can be damn cold up here , I 'd just find myself a comfy cave , toss my shit into it and be done with it . R and N had a Hallowe ' en party on the weekend , so I made an appearance with the DB . As with most social gatherings lately , the first little while felt awkward and I was toying with leaving almost as soon as we arrived ; fortunately that time passed once I started chatting a bit with a few of the guests and relaxing a bit more . It 's interesting to note how I 've changed somewhat since I moved out on my own and then once I moved in with the DB ; my grandfather 's funeral drove that home a bit more clearly . In short , though I 've always been an introvert who enjoys social gatherings on occasion , I really have gotten accustomed to my quiet time and space . Sure , the DB and I share a townhouse , but we often spend time apart when we 're there ; he 's downstairs in the mancave playing Xbox , whereas Iat As an unintentional case - in - point to my last post , I had a confrontation with my dad this weekend and cried . * sigh * I borrowed my dad 's car to get some furniture I bought from a coworker as part of our GCWCC auction . No damage , no problem . I took the car back on Sunday night when I went over for our delayed Thanksgiving dinner , and as I did , I brought some paint supplies that I had bought to repaint a chest of drawers that 's going back to my parents . I put the bag on the seat . Something leaked . Now , as it turns out , it wasn 't the paint supplies - - and I hadn 't thought it would be , given that they were all sealed and had been kept in the garage the whole time , up against the house . Rather , I hadn 't realized that some of my bike supplies were in the bag , so we thought it might 've been one of the bottles of oil ( there was one that had been opened , the rest were still sealed ) . Didn 't smell like motor oil , didn 't smell like the fuel stabilizer . . . so best guess is that it 's lock de - icer that had also been in that bag . That stuff stinks , but at least it 's not turpentine . I scrubbed the seat , and as I was doing so , my mom came out to see how I was doing . I told her I was crying because I 'd been sick all weekend and hadn 't had a decent night 's sleep . She asked what was really bothering me , I reiterated that , and also said that my dad just gets so pissed over things , and that I know I 'll be hearing about this one for the next twenty years . The part that I didn 't say , though I was ready to , was simply that sometimes I think my parents wait for me to fuck something up just so they have something to lord over me and use to pester me . . . not a fun way to be . But that was last night , and today I 'm more or less better off . The DB and I are still having fights over what stuff of mine is going to get pitched , and this and that . I repeated what I 'd told him when we first moved in together - - that at that time , there was stuff I was ready to get rid of , and for this move , maybe there will be more . But I have to be ready ; and he said he ' sat I can 't decide if it 's sad or not that I 'm proud of myself when I get through a serious conversation - - or one that deals with things of import to me - - without crying . It 's not that the subject matter itself is upsetting to me , I just have a difficult time sometimes getting through serious conversations without crying . It 's frustrating , because I feel it takes away from my message or what I 'm saying , and I feel weak as a result . It seems to vary depending on who I 'm talking to , too ; I was never able to fight with my dad as a kid , ' cause I 'd end up crying . My mom ? No problem - - although if we 're talking about something that 's upsetting to me , like people or pet death or something , then the waterworks will happen , too . I guess sometimes I 'm just more of a girl than I want to acknowledge . : P Well , the default crab mode I 've been in is somewhat improving , but slowly . I have days where I feel fine ; then I have days where I 'm just frustrated and upset by everything . I try not to get too upset , but I know comments have snuck out here and there . I 'm frustrated with our housing company , for one . They have requested showings of our place a few times during day hours ; fortunately they seem to have gotten the hint that the DB and I WORK during STANDARD WORK hours , and are not available before 6 p . m . Sure , there are days that the DB is off during the week , but because they wouldn 't let us out of our lease early ( that is , if we gave notice September 15th , they would keep us in our lease until November 30th ) , our attitude is screw ' em . So , they scheduled a showing while I was out of town ; the tenant was a no - show , though the agent did turn up . No worries , it happens . They requested another showing last Friday at noon ; when I said that wasn 't possible , they offered up 7 : 30 , and said the same agent would be present , and apologized for the no - show . We did some cleaning and basic tidying up , and held off on dinner since we weren 't starving . At 7 : 15 , the doorbell rings , and it 's the agent with a prospective tenant . The agent clearly knows nothing about our place - - I 'm having to identify the fixtures and features that come with the house , she doesn 't know where light switches are ( understandable ) , but seems really . . . not competent . Then she mentions she has another appointment coming - - and a couple shows up to look around . Okay , no problem , I chatted with them about the house , the neighbourhood and so on . Then another woman comes , and looks fairly comfortable with the agent , so I assumed she was another employee of the housing company - - no , she was another prospective tenant . Away she goes with the agent . . . and then another couple comes for the tour . In all , there were four appointments when we were only told of one , the agent was 15 minutes early ( which to me was rude - - what if we had a prior engagement or went out tat Okay , so in the end I didn 't end up posting anything to LJ . Maybe I shall , but my mood appears to have improved somewhat for now . I still have issues that will need to be addressed , but there 's an awful lot going on in the meantime already . I 've definitely enjoyed having things be quiet for the last while at work , what with the election and all . I was working on analyzing a lot of the coverage , so for a change I felt moderately informed as to all of the party platforms . Of course , that got somewhat derailed when I took off for a week for the funeral stuff , but for the most part , I felt good heading into the polling stations . It 's completely predictable how your priorities change when you 're going in to vote at various periods in your life . Even when I was a full - time undergrad , I rolled my eyes a little at the students protesting tuition hikes ; after all , it 's that much worse if you 're attending school in an unsubsidized place ( like the U . S . ) , and every student is poor , broke , and so on . Students that aren 't working or paying their own way only have so much of a leg to stand on , in my judgemental opinion . Now that I 'm old and crabby , my priorities have turned more towards household taxes and the cost of living in my city . The DB and I were lying in bed the other night , talking politics , and he pointed out how we were showing our age . Anyhow , in lieu of actually continuing this stalled train of thought , I 'm going to post another picture . This image is the one my housing management company uses to showcase the master bedroom in our current place . As you can see , it really helps show you the dimensions of the room , the features such as the ceiling fan , walk - in closet and window overlooking the street ( and no , I don 't know why this file name includes ' wince ' ) : I needed that . Yesterday was rough . I was morose , I was annoyed , I was frustrated , I was definitely not wanting to spend the night hanging around the house . I had to return some DVDs and the weather was good , so shortly after I got home , I went out on the motorcycle . I planned on just cruising around afterwards , maybe stopping someplace for dinner - - no real plans . When I finished my errand , I found a text message from JR telling me about plans to go out and celebrate RJ 's last day in the city . The weather held out , so I joined up with everyone and had fun . It was a small group , but contained people whose company I enjoy and hadn 't seen in awhile , so it was perfect , and I left in better spirits . On a separate note . . . I understand people who become stressed from school , work , home life , etc . I suffer from it as well ( although apparently my body likes to demonstrate its stress through things like acne breakouts - - thanks body ! ) . Sometimes I have a shorter temper and snap at people , but I do try to apologize when it happens . Most of the time , I get told not to worry about it . That said . . . if you spend literally months on end snapping at people , being short - tempered and drinking to deal with your stress ? Maybe you need to re - evaluate your coping mechanisms . It 's not fair to put your issues on others ' shoulders , and people will quickly get fed up and possibly cut you out of their lives , stop inviting you out , whatever , as a result . Just a complaint I 've been holding on to for awhile . I have some relationship - related stuff to post , but I think that 's going to be saved for LJ . Though as an amusing side - note ( okay , amusing to me ) : I wore my cupcake underwear for the wedding we attended in Wawa . The DB gave me a hard time about it , saying I could 've worn my fancy - lacy underwear or some such - - ' cause after all , everyone 's underwear gets examined at a wedding for appropriateness ( also , I should point out that the only time he says or used to say anything about my underwear is when the bra and underwear don 't match - - which they at I wish it were possible for me to just turn off my brain and / or get over things , I really do . I 'm not much of one for astrology , but there are certain aspects to both of my signs ( I 'm born on the cusp , and have traits from both Leo and Virgo ) that seem to affect my brain sometimes - - and seem to apply to a friend of mine , R , that shares my Virgo side as well . It seems to get worse as I get older ; either that , or the many years of being on the pill have affected me . Quite possibly it 's a combination of the two . It 's almost funny to me how I can practically chart what issues will arise and overtake my brain and when . Oh look ! It 's approximately a week before I come off this cycle of pills , time to obsess over issue X . And the greater challenge to all of this ? Dating someone who feels that discussing issue X once or twice means that it has been covered and since there 's really nothing new to say about it , we don 't need to keep talking about it . But my style is different . I talk things through to understand them , or I write about them ( publicly or privately ) to figure them out , either through the input of another or just through reasoning it through on my own . From my perspective , if there hasn 't been a solution or an explanation for issue X that I can understand , then it 's not resolved and it 's going to keep nagging at me . Sure , sometimes even if there has been a resolution it may come up again , but I can either recant that resolution for myself and move on , or if something new has arisen , I can return to the issue and hopefully resolve it once more . And yes , I overthink things and I keep thinking of things after they 've possibly been concluded for their other party ( / ies ) . That 's just how I am , unfortunately . Sometimes it works to my advantage , but sometimes it just means I dwell on things longer than perhaps I ought . See above : I 'd love to just dismiss it and move on , but for some issues , particularly if I haven 't seen a resolution to them , voilà , I can 't . * sigh * Add in a healthy dose of insecurity that likes to crop up at Well , I 'm now back from the funeral and associated joys that such an occasion brings . Observations ? Well , at several times during the trip down and time there , I could 've cheerfully tossed various family members out of moving cars or available windows . Ah , how stress benefits us all . Otherwise , life carries on as per usual . I have nothing really to report - - I did have some ideas for a posting earlier today or yesterday , but now I 've forgotten it completely . As usual , my cats are adorable , my boyfriend is pretty solid ( when he isn 't driving me nuts ) , and I haven 't had nearly enough sleep to be coherent in any way , shape or form . Not to mention , I appear to be riding a full - out babble lately . Fun for everyone around me , I 'm sure . I also appear to have developed narcolepsy , or I 'm having a delayed reaction to the fun of the last week . Saturday I passed out on the plane immediately after finishing a cup of coffee , Sunday I passed out mid - can of pop , and yesterday I passed out before dinner . . . but after a few glasses of wine , so I can be forgiven . The DB and I made the trip to lascivious Wawa , Ontario last weekend , a trip to rival the debauchery to be had in Las Vegas , for the wedding of one of his good friends from high school and thereafter . I keep raving about how nice and friendly everyone was , and what a good time I had , and it 's true . Sure , I was a tad extra - goofy because of the full bottle of wine I had with my meal and the reception , but for the most part , I geniunely wasn 't horrendously drunk , just happily so - - but it lead to gems such as the following : Oh , I am indeed one classy broad . 2003 : End of May , Greg and Madeleine get married . I find out at the wedding that a good family friend died . That week , I graduate university , attend his funeral , and then go to my cousin Sally 's wedding . ( So that makes two weddings and a funeral in one week ) . 2008 : Beginning of October , DB 's friends get married . I find out on the way home from the wedding that my ( paternal ) grandfather has died . This weekend , my cousin Colleen , Sally 's younger sister , is getting married . So if I hadn 't already declined to attend Colleen 's wedding ( for other reasons ) , I could once again be going to two weddings and a funeral in one week . If either of those cousins divorces and remarries , I 'm not going to the second marriage . Either my mom or dad seemed to be saying that I could still choose to go to the wedding , but since I 've already changed my attendance from " yes " to " no , " I don 't think it would be kind of me to say " yes " again . Plus , going to a wedding after a funeral ? Not fun . Did it once , don 't want to do it again . Also , would rather just come home and hang out with the kitties afterwards instead of hanging around the Maritimes until my folks were done and ready to go - - especially when I don 't have the time off to do the second ( as it is , I 'm taking this week off for the travel / funeral stuff ) . * sigh * My dad 's family likes to die at Thanksgiving - - my grandma died at Thanksgiving in 2001 , her brother died at Thanksgiving a few years ago , and now my grandpa has died at the same time of year . Add on top of this that my Puppy ( mom 's dad ) 's birthday is next week ( and he died about a year and a half ago , not at Thanksgiving ) , and my aunt ( dad 's sister ) 's birthday is also next week ( she 's not dead ) , and this is a wonky time of year for the family . Also , I had a long car ride home from Moe 's friend 's wedding yesterday , feeling nauseated the whole time for reasons I don 't know ( though I 'm blaming the Timmy 's breakfast sandwich ) , and we 're doing a long car ride to the Maritimes tomorrow , and I 'm just glad I have a good boyfriend , understanat For all that I 'm outspoken and often confident in my beliefs , as unpopular as they may at times be , there is still so much I keep to myself and don 't share . And sometimes . . . I just want to yell it to the heavens . Other times , I do say it , and I just don 't seem to get heard - - so what 's the point in saying it ? Though it does make me wonder just what I 'm not picking up on . As may be expected from my research for my masters ' paper , I 've been doing a lot of reading of articles about Spike , Spike and Buffy 's relationship , and other related themes . First , I 'll acknowledge that , given the nature of the material and the sources I 'm using ( a lot of material from Slayage Online , the International Journal of Buffy studies ) , there 's a very incestuous nature to that which I 'm reading ; authors cite one another fairly regularly , and some quotes turn up in more than a few publications . This is both a benefit and a negative - - benefit because it means I 'm getting a pretty good notion that I 'm doing a good job of covering the field ; negative because sometimes it 'd be nice to hear new voices ( and I have found some as I 've read more ) . Another positive is the possibility that I could be contributing to what is a fairly small group . This will eventually help me in my quest to become e - famous , such as it is ( non - existent ) . Anyhow , what has come up a few times is the idea that Spike attempted to rape Buffy in season 6 because audiences were becoming too supportive of his relationship with Buffy and were too sympathetic to him as a character . Now , I am in no way condoning , supporting , embracing or any other positive label - ing the attempted rape . I am a firm believer that even if you are at the moment of penetration , and the girl then says no , you are to respect her wishes and stop . Period , full stop , etc . Let me just get that out of the way . I will readily admit to having rape fantasies - - I think there 's nothing wrong with this and it represents a healthy sexual fantasy . I was sickened and disgusted by the rape scene in Showgirls ( I 'll admit it , I watched it ) , which convinced me that I wasn 't twisted or wrong with my rape fantasies , that I really was against rape . I 'm also well - aware of the murky grey area that exists in the land of , " Well , I didn 't say no . . . but I didn 't really want to " in sexual relationships , because an unfortunate number of my own experiences have fallen under that uncertain region . Woat It 's interesting how quickly you can get up to speed on an issue when the need is there . I won 't claim at all to be an expert , but certainly , I 've learned a lot . About what ? That information will come . It 's also interesting getting into conversations with people and realizing that what you 're actually hearing is a lot of ignorance from sources you 'd previously assumed were well - informed , or at least more so than you . I 've learned a lot from observing people as I age , and realizing that some people I used to admire or respect for some subjects are actually not as intelligent about things or ways of going about things as I might 've originally thought . Which isn 't to say at all that I 'm way up there in the smarty - pants realm ; not by far . Just interesting to be able to go , ' Wait a minute … you 're talking out your ass ! ' Maybe I 'm just crabby because I 've been hearing my dad 's Forceful Voice a lot this past week . He seems to think that if he doesn 't use said voice , I don 't listen to him - though what he doesn 't always realize is sometimes he 's saying the exact same thing three different ways … or he 's been telling me the exact same thing every time we speak . I love my dad , and we get along well , but the fact that we have the same personality means that we tend to get frustrated with one another somewhat quickly - and probably explains why my mom sometimes seems to get frustrated with me faster than perhaps with my sister . Then again , I don 't necessarily see it first - hand , so maybe I 'm just being whiny and resentful . ; ) The weather this weekend was actually rather nice for a change , so I was able to toss the cats outside . It worked well for Thena , who spent most of both afternoons out , but not as well for Venus . I spent much of Sunday bringing her feathers - on - a - stick toy , which is twice as long as her , downstairs to the DB ( after she brought them from the basement to the upstairs where I was ) , or bringing her downstairs for him to play with , or just cuddling with her and taat Urgh . I hate hate hate thinking about money . I 'm not worrying about it so much - just trying to come up with ways to better manage it … and I keep thinking about all of the different ' necessary ' expenses that repeat but aren 't daily or sometimes even monthly - haircuts , cat food , cat litter , birth control pills , and so on . Back to burying my head in the sand , I guess . I opened up a zip . ca account the other day , and got my first disc in the mail yesterday - disc 1 of season 1 of Lois & Clark . I loved it when it first aired , and I had my crush on Dean Cain . My friend Quynh ( whose name I can no longer remember how to properly spell ) was in love with Jonathan Brandis , of SeaQuest DSV fame . I 'm so going back to my marginally embarrassing childhood days . It 's also interesting watching the show now , contrasted with other shows that I 've been watching in heavier rotation - House , Firefly , CSI , and so on . It definitely shows its age via the special effects and the outfits , but I 'm finding that 's the case even with the pacing of the show . Granted , at this point I 've only re - watched the pilot and a bit of the second episode , but it 's odd to be in a position to watch it with this critical eye and mind , which I never thought I had … though a classmate laughed at me when I said as much . Anyhow , time to run , but hopefully I shall have cool news to post shortly . I suppose I could continue my previous day 's ruminations , but at the moment , I just don 't have it in me . I 'm feeling a vague sense of dissatisfaction or unease or disquiet . It 's hard to define it , and it 's frustrating to be hit with it now , especially when I 'm making some progress in other arenas . I guess as usual , I haven 't had enough sleep , so I 'm left with the crabby that often seems to accompany my day - to - day life . I also learned recently that my caffeine intake has increased enough that I suffer when it decreases - - i . e . , Saturday evening a migraine starts to take hold , and by Sunday it 's in full - force . So Sunday I dope myself with some pills and a cup of coffee . Kinda sad , but it seems to do the trick . Some of you may recall that I went to Vegas a little while ago . If I can give anyone advice , it 's try not to go in August . It 's hot there , and while I thought I could handle it , it was pretty draining . Even my feet were winding up in pain each day because they were becoming swollen from the heat and the walking , and my comfy sandals just weren 't cutting it the way they usually do . That said , it was pretty cool to go . We stayed in the Flamingo Hotel / Casino , and checked out pretty much every major casino along the Strip - - so now when I see movies or tv shows that feature the Strip , I recognize the buildings and can identify where they are and what they looked like inside . We flew out of Toronto to save some money , and our flight down was direct - - leave around 9 a . m . EST , land around 11 : 30 Vegas time ( I forget the time zone and I 'm too lazy to check ) . 3 hours behind , 5 hourish flight , nothing too exciting about it . I always hate going through American customs , ' cause they make me feel like they seriously doubt I 'm a government employee or something , and I feel like if I give the wrong job description , they 'll toss me in a cell . That said , I passed without problems . Flying back we had to transfer planes in Winnipeg . We left Vegas at 11 p . m . local time , landed in Winnipeg around 4 : 30 a . m . local time ( so we 're now oneat I 've been told by a few people ( okay , two ) recently that I need to blog more . So , here 's the effort to do so . The thing is , I don 't often feel I 'm especially funny in text . Off - the - cuff remarks , angry rants , sure , I seem to amuse that way . But in text ? Much more challenging . I don 't know , some people seem to relate to what I have to say , and goodness knows I like to hear myself speak - - metaphorically speaking . I had coffee with the girlfriend of a high school acquaintance yesterday ( how 's that for unwieldy explanations ? ) . She 's commented on here a few times , so I don 't feel too guilty if I use her name , Sarah . I 'm trying to make this as simple as possible . Anyhow , we had a good chat , covering all kinds of topics , including but not limited to relationships . I then had another conversation about relationships with a coworker today , so suffice it to say the subject matter 's on my mind . Add this to one of the songs that came up on my playlist , and I figure I have a subject to discuss . For those who are curious , the song was Cupid 's Chokehold - - the singer is telling his dad about the girl he 's in love with , and there 's a line to the effect of " I know you 've heard me say I 've met The One before , but this time it 's for real " ; I can relate . I do think that his saying that his girl has her very own ringtone on his cell as an example of Tru Wuv is a bit goofy , but hey - - it 's a song . So , how do you know when you 've met The One ? And how do you remind your fingers where the characters are on a QWERTY keyboard when you work all day on a French keyboard and your muscle memory has both stuck in there . Kinda cool , makes me wonder how I 'd do on a Dvorak keyboard , and is a slight deviation from the subject at hand . Relationships . The One . Is there really a One for anyone , or do we end up just settling ? Where do the compromises get made ? I have a number of friends in committed relationships of differing types : some are married ; some are married in an open relationship ; some are living together but not married ; some are living togetherat
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Yet , it is the word " daughter " that restores her identity and heals her soul . In a situation where no other defended her , Jesus chose to be her father . With one word , Jesus filled the lack and accepted her . She was clean . She was directly addressed . She was seen ― seen by a man who would call her His child . I have always been uncomfortable with this relationship of father and daughter . It is the identity of God that I relate to the least . While I never expected God to hurt or betray me in this role , I simply didn 't get it . I didn 't understand who I was in this relationship or who He was . I didn 't know how to be a daughter to a father , and I didn 't know how a father would normally relate to a daughter . I spent years trying to heal , forgive , and move forward from the abandonment I experienced at his hand . While in college , I had finally done it . I was at peace that he was not there , and I decided I would forgive him so as to not be eaten alive by the pain and anger I felt toward him . His sin was my sin ― just manifested differently . This was the place I refused to go . I already healed . That was it . I would revisit this no more . So I built up my walls , hardened my heart , and wondered why I felt so empty . Last night , my mom and I somehow got on the subject of my father . My mom asked me a question about his new family , and I wasn 't sure what she was talking about . So she told me about an article she found , and I looked it up . I read about his upbringing in China , which was similar to my mother 's . I read about how he did not want his children to experience not having food or clothing like he once did . I read that he came to America in 1988 and struggled until he learned English and could open his own business . In one sentence , he managed to insult both my mother and me , as he didn 't seem to care if we had food or clothing . The factual error of 1988 tells me that no one knows about my part in his history because we were a family in America by 1987 . There were no details of how he came to America because that would have to include the ugly story of how he married a woman so that he could join her family , who was beginning to emigrate from their side of the Pacific . And then sired a child with her that he did not raise . We may have happened before this , but we still happened . There was no attempt to reconcile , despite having been in contact with one of my uncles for years . This made me furious , but my anger only served to mask the deep hurt that was coming from a wound I thought was long closed . This was why I didn 't take that invitation . This was why I ran . I had been hurt by this man long enough , and I did not want to invite him to live rent - free in my head once more . It took too much to heal the first time . I have written countless letters , journal entries , and at least one poem regarding what I was feeling toward him , how I was processing , what I needed to do . And a few years ago , I wrote him an eviction notice . I was free from him . Finally . I do not regret my life without him , despite having wondered more times than I 'd like to admit , " why not me ? " , " what would it have been like ? " I was sent into the fire early , and from there , one can burn , or one can rise . It 's no one 's choice but your own . I was afraid to come to this place because I did not want the wound to reopen . I feared returning to a place of darkness , anger , hatred . But it seems the difference this time is that the wound is shallow and uninfected , and I am pressed to address it while it is so . And it is God who will have to help me keep it this way because my natural leaning would be to pick at it . The one gift my father gave me is also my greatest burden . To bestow the name " phoenix " is ironic and fitting and everything I don 't want to bear . But it is a name that is redeemed because God called me something else . He saw my lack and chose to fill it . He saw my wound and chose to heal it . With one word , He claimed me as His own ― His own daughter . With this word , He chased away the hurt , shame , and lies that I had chosen to believe for much of my life . He gifted me the bearing of a phoenix to fulfill the promise He made to me with this name . I will be refined with fire in the furnace of affliction . ( Isaiah 48 : 10 ) What is that supposed to look like ? Do we " love " someone by tolerating them ? Do we love someone by doing our best not to offend them ? Do we love someone by keeping our mouths shut regarding their actions , even if they may be dangerous , but it makes them happy ? In Luke 10 : 25 - 37 , we have the Parable of the Good Samaritan . We have our cast : the wounded Jew on the side of the road , the priest , the Levite , and the Samaritan man . Let 's take a look at the last three a little more closely . Many priests at this time lived in Jericho and went on two week assignments to Jerusalem , which was about seventeen miles away . The road they traveled was a common one and was known to them . A priesthood is extremely exclusive ; it stayed in the family . This priest was likely wealthy and riding on an animal . The Levite was an assistant to the priest in the Temple . He likely just assisted this particular priest and was on his way home as well . Knowing that the priest just walked by , he could not challenge the decision made by the priest to pass the man , and so he would pass as well . There 's a lot more than meets the eye , right ? This isn 't in any way to excuse or pardon the fact that they were not neighborly , but we cannot deny the gray area in this situation . And isn 't the gray where most of life is lived ? It 's not as pure as black and white . Inserting a Samaritan into this story was a particularly radical move by Jesus . Samaritans are a mixed - race between the Jews of captivity and the Samaritan people of the land in which they were captive . The relationship between these two peoples were hostile as a result of their history with one another . The Mishna states , " He that eats the bread of the Samaritans is like to one that eats the flesh of swine . " The Samaritan is not a Gentile but is bound by the same law as the Jews , yet they were considered impure " half - breeds . " The Samaritan would not naturally be from that area , so the half - dead man would certainly not qualify as his neighbor . And the Jewish man would likely have chosen death over associating with a Samaritan . In that time , a tradition known as " blood revenge " was practiced . In it , a relative of the guilty party may be punished for the crime in his place . It did not have to be an immediate relative but could extend to the most distant branches of the family tree . Loving our neighbors requires sacrificing our comforts and possibly even our lives . It means more than just being tolerant . I would hate to just be tolerated by my neighbor . I would hate to just be tolerated by my friend . Yes , Jesus preached love , but this love is dirty . It is demanding and sometimes demeaning ; it requires us to get in the middle of people 's messes in order to love them . It requires us to point out what is wrong but not stop there - we must replace it with what is right . Pointing out the hypocrisy of Christians has been done over and over by the national media . Do we as Christians really need to add to it ? When the world sees us dividing against each other , would they really want to know the Jesus we both claim to serve and love ? Choosing to turn from each other is a declaration of a Pharisee , praising God that he is not a sinner like the tax collector , who is quietly begging God for His mercy to be extended toward him ( Luke 18 : 9 - 14 ) . We don 't like the Christianity that is being portrayed in the media . We don 't like the hatred that is preached by some who call themselves Christians . We don 't like the misconceptions with which we label others , and we certainly don 't like the misconceptions with which they label us back . The kind of love we need in order to heal each other doesn 't come from us . It can never come from us . Look how easily and willingly we can choose to tear each other down . So no , the core of Christianity is not to be a good neighbor . Even if it were , by context we are failing horribly at it . No , friends , the core of Christianity is Jesus . If we are going to preach real , biblical love , this is it . It is gritty and it demands so much more than words and Facebook posts talking at people . Real , biblical love demands for us to destroy our pedestals and use those pieces to build homes . It demands for us to dig deep into our our poverty and feed someone else . It demands for us to love someone with a ferocity that destroys apathy and hatred in its wake . Posted on June 18 , 2015 by redconverse Words are powerful little creatures . They have the ability to lift up and tear down , encourage and demoralize . Humanity is fascinated by the strength of words . We seek to wield its potentials as a weapon , using it to cut our enemies down and defend our loved ones . But sadly , we don 't often do the work required to wield them . We don 't train , we don 't listen to another 's words or what they mean . We throw around single retorts to end conversations . If someone doesn 't agree with you , s / he is an ignorant bigot . If someone is very passionate about faith or theology , s / he is a dogmatic fundamentalist . If the same someone speaks up about it , s / he is intolerant and needs to learn how to coexist . Someone with the figure of a model is called beautiful , whereas someone with a full - figure is called overweight . Students who are more partial to math and science are called intelligent , while those who are more partial to arts than logic are not given such high a praise . Asians are nerdy , non - Asians are something else . I 've been called " kind of like a dude , " a " guy with boobs , " a lesbian , among many other things . I 've been asked if there 's anything about me that 's actually girly , if I 'd ever considered wearing more makeup and dresses , and a whole slew of the same such questions . I am a word that doesn 't fit a word that people have decided I should fit , and as a result , the aforementioned words are used in a desperate attempt to define me . When we take traits and interests and apply them to gender , this is where we get into stereotyping people into this one area , and this is where people who don 't fit such a stereotype become confused , upset , or depressed as a result . Who died and made the rule that boys like blue , and girls like pink ? Who decided that boys can love Batman , and girls get left with Barbie ? Why do guys get action movies while gals get romantic comedies ? Hollywood has a type of masculinity that it calls " dominant . " This is your misogynistic James Bond - type character , but he has to rely on other masculinities in order to exist and be elevated . We , as a society , buy into this dominant masculinity , and , as a result , we allow it to define what masculinity and femininity mean . Guys have to be suave yet totally tough and rebellious ( and a bit of a jerk ) , and ladies have to be Bond girls - size 0 - 2 ( but curvy ) , sexy ( like , objectified - sexy ) , and flawless ( and often need to be rescued by the former ) . Why do we allow ourselves to be put into boxes ? Why do we tell the six - year - old girl that she can 't like Batman or the color blue because she 's a girl ? Why do we shame the six - year - old boy if he doesn 't like Batman or the color blue because he 's a boy ? What exactly are we telling them when we treat them like they 're doing something wrong by enjoying things that they aren 't " supposed " to like because of their gender ? What will the repercussions be ? When I was first trying to figure out what " femininity " meant , I did what lots of people do : I read a book . It was a book called Captivating , which boasts of exploring what biblical femininity looked like . And I spent most of my time yelling at the book in the margins : about its theology , about its use of verses out of context , about reading into verses what they were not saying , and mostly about the fact that all of the females they used as examples were characters in movies ( I mean , I would love to have been an elf in Middle Earth , I guess , but I 'm not , so … ) . I also talked with girls who seemed to have this femininity thing down pat . But every time , I ended up getting dressed up , and I kinda hated it . I think the third word for me there was " conform . " These days , I 'm taking my friend 's advice and claiming the term for myself . I am a feminine female in my own right as well as a masculine female . I possess an undefinable , unboxable feminine masculinity and masculine femininity . I am in the cluster of " other masculinities " that dominant masculinity needs to reduce in order to build itself up . And I love it here , but I won 't be reduced for it . I don 't have to become someone I 'm not in order to be me . I 'm already me ! I like what I want ! And I won 't let anyone try to package me up with nice , shiny wrapping paper , crisply folded and taped where things need to be wrapped and hidden away , and then finish me off with a bright pink bow . The most harmful things in this world are words and the people who use them without thinking of what they actually mean . We decide girls should play with dolls , and boys should play with superheroes . We decide girls should be nurses , and boys should be doctors . This makes it very confusing for adults , let alone children . So what does it look like to be biblically masculine and feminine ? It will probably take a lifetime to unravel just a fraction of what it means . But one thing I believe it means is that our masculinity and our femininity work together in the Body for the glory of God . We don 't reduce one to raise the other . Both are necessary to work in the Kingdom . Carry your uniqueness proudly , and take words with a grain of salt or learn how to put some on as armor . But don 't be the person that cuts people down with it . Words can just as readily bring peace as well as war . Your Savior has come . I am right here with you . You are My child . I see where you 're prone to stumble . Trust Me during those times . Fall into Me when you fall . Make Me where you turn , not yourself , not your old habits , not what you 're used to protecting yourself with , not what you think you deserve . I will protect you . I will catch you when you fall over , and I will heal your wounds . Your Savior has come , Daughter ; I am here . I came for you , and you have Me . " Liar " is not your identity . " Prideful " is not your identity . I wash these names that you have seared into your heart . I remove the scars you 've inflicted upon yourself on account of those names . Trust Me from now on . These " identities " are no longer there to " save " you . Only I am here to do so . They will trap you and ensnare you if you give them the chance . I will release you . I will set you free . Fall into Me . Let Me be your identity . Don 't try to live up to what you think I want . I want you . As you are . Let Me make you what I want you to become for My glory . I know you , and I still want you , I can still use you , and I will still use you . I finish what I begin . What does this word actually mean for you ? You toss that word around when it 's convenient for you , and when it 's not , you hoard it to yourselves and keep it exclusively . When has that word ever been used to describe us ? Yet you asked me this week - no , you shamed me - in order to convince me you 're my family . You tell me that you can 't believe I would trust an outsider over my own family . It 's not the first you 've shamed me with this either . Where was my family when I had to put a restraining order on one of our members ? You were on the side of my abuser . Where was my family when I longed to belong to it ? You were abusing me and shunning me from your presence . Where was my family when the inheritance I received from my grandmother disappeared and the account closed ? You were the ones closing it . Where was my family when I was suicidal in high school because of the abuse ? You were oblivious to your role in my suffering , and you could not be found . It belongs to the Person who guided me out of suicide . It belongs to the Person who redeemed my greatest abuse to lead me to my greatest salvation . It belongs to His children , who have walked beside me and carried me these past fourteen years when you were nowhere to be found . You made me feel that I needed to earn a place in this family . Was being my mother 's child truly not enough ? Yet in this grace community , there is no such thing as earning a place in the family . We are family because of Him . This word is still being redeemed for me , but here and now , I claim it as my own . It is not a word for you to throw at me to acknowledge your authority . This word will not be reduced to something so petty . I have a new family now . Maybe you can join it some day . But you 'll have to understand , it 's on His terms , earned by His death . Jesus asked a simple " yes or no " question . And I think the message underlying it is , " Say ' yes , ' and I 'll make you well . " He was there . He was ready . Like in Isaiah 65 , God made Himself available . He made Himself ready to answer when His people cried out to Him for help . Sometimes we convince ourselves we 're too dirty for God to want anything to do with us . It 's easier to believe God doesn 't care than to ask Him for help . Why is that ? Posted on November 17 , 2014 by redconverse I seriously don 't know what it is , but for whatever reason , I seem to always get into conversations about singleness . In particular , conversations where I have to convince someone I don 't need to be cured from it . It 's the most bizarre thing . It 's a seemingly harmless question , but what kills me is when it 's used as a measuring stick . " Oh , good . She 's still single . I 'm not so badly off . " " I just need to find someone before she does . " Or , " well , at least I 'm dating someone right now . " The second most popular question I get asked is " how / why are you still single ? " I get it . I 'm awesome , and it doesn 't make any sense ( just kidding … but seriously ) . Sometimes people are well - meaning and think a single friend of theirs is great , and can 't fathom why it is that someone that could be a significant other hasn 't figured it out yet . I 'm not saying this is on everyone 's mind when they ask this also seemingly innocent question - chances are it doesn 't even come into thought - but it does linger in the air for the listener and receiver even if we don 't realize it at first . I don 't doubt people have had their confidence shaken up by that question . I know I have . To the point where I had to talk about it to justify myself . But why should I have to ? Why am I still single ? I don 't know . Why is it so important for me to not be ? I don 't know that either , except that society tells me it 's a big deal . " I 'm sure he 's out there somewhere ; you just haven 't met him yet . " " Guys are idiots ( I really don 't find it reassuring when we just put guys down either , but I know we 're all guilty of playing the blame game ) . Someone 's bound to figure out how awesome you are . " And my personal favorite : " God has a purpose for you while you 're still single . " ( And yes , He does . It 's called serving God . Which I 'm pretty sure is not limited to just me and my single friends . ) Well , that 's great , and I 'm glad that 's how God decided to provide for some of you , but that 's not the formula for all of us . There is no formula . God doesn 't work in formulas . If we 're all unique , and God created us to be so , why would He impose formulas to blanket us with ? For those of us who do desire to be married someday , we will never be completely 100 % satisfied in our singleness . And Scripture doesn 't tell us to be . We are called to find our worth and satisfaction in God alone and desire God alone above all else ( Deuteronomy 6 : 5 ; Romans 12 : 2 ; Psalm 139 : 14 ; Psalm 62 ) . Besides , it seems cruel for God to suddenly give me a boyfriend the moment I 'm fully satisfied in my single status . What a jerk ! ( I 'm sorry , I guess that should be " Jerk , " capital J . ) And should that not work out , then I have to go through it AGAIN ? Yikes . What I 'm trying to communicate is that we cannot allow ourselves to be defined by our relationship status . If we did , what would happen if or when that status suddenly changes ? We cannot allow the world to define us because the world has no right to do so . The world did not create us ; it does not provide us with purpose . We 're not more or less holy because we 're single or married . We 're holy because God has set us apart for His purposes . We were all created to bring God glory . The purpose of our lives is to serve God and give Him glory , and we can do that no matter what our relationship status is . The purpose for single people is to serve God . The purpose for married people is to serve God . That doesn 't change . The only thing that does a little is how . Single people , God does have purpose for us at this point in our lives . He doesn 't need to bring us a significant other before He can finally use us to our fullest potential . But only He knows if " this point " will ever actually end . Will you still believe and trust that God is good even if He decides not to change your relationship status ? One of my absolute greatest fears in this area is settling . " Well , he 's close enough . " I 'm deathly afraid of rationalizing all the reasons some guy may not be right for me . And for me , for all of us , the greatest defense against that is being rooted firmly in the God who created us and everything beyond us ( Jeremiah 17 : 8 ) . He defines my value and worth , and if I believe that I am worth the death of God , then I will behave as though I do . From our heart , from our identity , will flow our actions . The advice that often follows that last one is to " wait for God 's best . " Okay , yes , but don 't leave it there . Waiting is not a passive verb ; it can be as active as we want it to be . Yes , absolutely wait , but don 't wait for God to sit a husband in front of you and part the clouds to tell you he 's the one . We deserve more than to just twiddle our thumbs and wait for our soulmate to suddenly appear . We deserve to live and be alive before we ever meet someone . Serve God because that is your purpose . That will always be your purpose . But don 't play games to try to get God to submit . Reverse psychology doesn 't work on Him ( trust me ) . We 'll never be able to " trick " God into doing what we want . He does not exist to make all our dreams come true . We exist to make His . I live because He gave me life . And I won 't waste it waiting around passively for someone to finally see my worth . God has already seen it . I will submit to Him and wait on and for Him because He deserves to be praised and worshiped for the sole reason that He is God . So single people , rejoice ! Married people , rejoice ! Rejoice because we have one God , and that God is good and gracious and pours love and grace with a generous wrist ( Ephesians 3 : 19 ) . The following is from a book by David Jeremiah called Captured By Grace . I thought his insight here on the difference between mercy and grace was quite illuminating , and make sure to see the illustration below . It will most likely bring tears to your eyes : Their spree begins at the local Cineplex . Bored with action flicks , the teenagers decide to act one out . They break into a car , grab a credit card , and proceed to a video store . There they charge four hundred dollars ' worth of DVDs and video games . Why not pick up a few groceries while they 're at it ? A surveillance tape catches the kids selecting a twenty - pound turkey . Remember the turkey . Pedal to the metal in a silver Nissan , the kids move along an irregular line intersecting with a Hyundai containing one Victoria Ruvolo . The two cars cross paths at approximately 12 : 30 a . m . Victoria Ruvolo , forty - four , is heading for her Long Island home . Having attended her fourteen - year - old niece 's vocal recital , she looks forward to home and hearth - particularly hearth . She 's ready to unravel the overcoat and scarves , burrow under an electric blanket , and rest her weary self . Maybe the silver Nissan , approaching from the east , catches Victoria 's eye - maybe not . Later , she won 't be sure . She certainly won 't recall the image of a teenage boy leaning out the window of the Nissan as the car approaches . Nor will she retain any memory of the bulky projectile taking flight from his hands . This is the part about the turkey . The twenty - pound bird crashes through Victoria 's windshield . It bends the steering wheel inward , smashes into her face , and breaks every bone it encounters . Victoria will remember none of this - frankly , a stroke of mercy . Eight hours of surgery and three weeks of recovery later , however , friends and family fill in the blanks . Victoria lies impassively in a bed in Stony Brook University Hospital and listens to every detail . Yet her emotions are difficult to discern , given the mask her face has become : shattered like pottery , now stapled together by titanium plates ; an eye affixed by synthetic film ; a wired jaw ; a tracheotomy . The public reaction is much more vigorous . The media has run with this story ; weblogs follow every new detail of arrest and arraignment . Over Thanksgiving , New Yorkers whispered prayers of gratitude that they were not Victoria Ruvolo . Over Christmas , they cherished their health and their fortunes a little bit more than usual . Over the New Year , they cried out for justice . Internet bloggers and TV pundits suggest what they 'd do if they could be in a room for five minutes with those punks in the Nissan . They 'd especially love to lay hands on Ryan Cushing , the eighteen - year - old who heaved the turkey . His face should be shattered . His life should lie in ruins . That 's how the man in the street sees it . But it 's all in the hands of the justice system . On Monday , August 15 , 2005 , Ryan and Victoria meet face to restructured face in the courtroom . Nine agonizing , titanium - bolted months have passed since the attack . Victoria manages to walk into the courtroom unaided , a victory in itself . A trembling Ryan Cushing pleads guilty - to a lesser charge . Sentence : a trifling six months behind bars , five years probation , a bit of counseling , a dash of public service . People shake their heads in righteous indignation . Is that all the punishment we can dish out ? When did this country become so soft on crime ? Let 's lock up all these criminals and throw away the key . Who is responsible for this plea bargain anyway ? Ryan makes his plea and then turns to Victoria Ruvolo , all the essence of tough guy long since drained away . He is weeping with abandon . The attorney leads the assailant to the victim , and Victoria holds him tight , comforts him , strokes his hair , and offers reassuring words . " I forgive you , " she whispers . " I want your life to be the best it can be . " Tears mingle from mask of reconstruction and mask of remorse . It takes quite an event to bring tears to the eyes of New York attorneys and magistrates . This is such an event . TV and radio reporters file their stories in voices that for once are hushed and respectful . The New York Times dubs it " a moment of grace . " Aside from my cultural heritage , my religious upbringing taught me exactly this : we have to deserve the gifts we receive . We have to deserve the good stuff as much as we deserve the bad stuff . In life , there 's suffering because we are broken , messed up people . After death , there 's more suffering because we were broken , messed up people . Posted on March 14 , 2014 by redconverse There came a woman of Samaria to draw water . Jesus said to her , " Give Me a drink . " For His disciples had gone away into the city to buy food . Therefore the Samaritan woman said to Him , " How is it that You , being a Jew , ask me for a drink since I am a Samaritan woman ? " ( For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans . ) Jesus answered and said to her , " If you knew the gift of God , and who it is who says to you , ' Give Me a drink , ' you would have asked Him , and He would have given you living water . " She said to Him , " Sir , You have nothing to draw with and the well is deep ; where then do You get that living water ? You are not greater than our father Jacob , are You , who gave us the well , and drank of it himself and his sons and his cattle ? " Jesus answered and said to her , " Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again ; but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst ; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life . " The woman said to Him , " Sir , give me this water , so I will not be thirsty nor come all the way here to draw . " - John 4 : 7 - 30 The water that I 've been drinking is intimacy - or rather , an imitation of it . Growing up , I 'd never seen an example of intimacy ( healthy or not ) between a man and a woman . There is a great desire in me to seek it , find it , and experience it . However , I am looking in dodgy places with cheap copies . This Man , this Jesus , this Messiah , offers me His water , which satisfies the soul and more than quenches the thirst . He tells me this water is alive , that if I drink of it , I will never thirst for any other water again . All other water will pale in comparison and be revealed for what they truly are . Filling ourselves with something other than Jesus will never satisfy us . The water we drink is dead and only satisfies for the moment , and when we are thirsty again , when the tickle rises in the back of our throats , we guzzle more in hopes that we will not be thirsty anymore - merely to repeat the process shortly after and hoping again that it will be satisfied . ( What 's that they say of the definition of insanity ? ) The body , the flesh , has a time limit . We 're given 70 , 80 , 90 , maybe 100 years , and to God , it is a blink of an eye . Each soul will have eternal life - the question is only where we will spend it . God existed in eternity past and will exist in eternity future . Absolutely only an eternal God can satisfy an eternal soul . He created each of us with a purpose , and in seeking our purpose from Him , He is glorified , and we are filled by Him to do His work . Death and destruction are being filled day after day with more and more of the lost , and yet they keep taking . Our desires are just as demanding and gluttonous . We keep going back to the well day in and day out to find a way to be satisfied , but that can never happen . It takes an exorbitant amount of effort to seek after a water source that does not satisfy . In running toward it , we spend ourselves and become more thirsty , and the swamp tempts us with the rancid water that it holds , and we , being so desperately thirsty , drink it in gulps and allow it to pollute us from the inside . It becomes easier to sin each time we choose to do it . Our guilt may be heavy , but our thirst is more urgent still . We see the well for what it is ; we know it is unclean , made up of the dirtiest , most putrid stuff we 'd ever seen . It is the closest thing to an oasis we 've seen in this desert , and we are parched from our journey to seek it out - it is a destructive cycle indeed . After a few gulps , it 's not so bad . After a few gulps , we 've drowned out the Voice of our Maker that tells us this water is poisoned . We are a prideful people who are trying to usurp God 's place in the universe . This verse has roots deep in Eden . In the Garden , our sin wasn 't merely disobedience - disobedience was the medium by which we truly sinned . Our sin was that we told God He didn 't know what was best for us . We told God that we could take care of ourselves . We told God that we are God . Our feeble minds and the dirt that formed our bodies are not meant to hold God . We are broken cisterns . We cannot hold all that is God inside us - we would go mad trying . But we put a lot of effort into trying , and we put a lot of effort into failing . " Men are in a restless pursuit after satisfaction in earthly things . They will exhaust themselves in the deceitful delights of sin , and , finding them all to be vanity and emptiness , they will become very perplexed and disappointed . But they will continue their fruitless search . Though wearied , they still stagger forward under the influence of spiritual madness , and though there is no result to be reached except that of everlasting disappointment , yet they press forward . They have no forethought for their eternal state ; the present hour absorbs them . They turn to another and another of earth 's broken cisterns , hoping to find water where not a drop was ever discovered yet . " - Charles Haddon Spurgeon Human pride is an amazing thing . We will go to the point where we are broken and beat up and near death , when we can receive that which we are searching for should we simply extend a hand forward . And yet , we ignore it and try to gain it with our own will and strength . It is the age - old concept of karma - as we reap , so will we sow . " I know that Messiah is coming ( He who is called Christ ) ; when that One comes , He will declare all things to us . " Jesus said to her , " I who speak to you am He . " At this point His disciples came , and they were amazed that He had been speaking with a woman , yet no one said , " What do You seek ? " or , " Why do You speak with her ? " So the woman left her waterpot , and went into the city and said to the men , " Come , see a man who told me all the things that I have done ; this is not the Christ , is it ? " They went out of the city , and were coming to Him . - John 4 : 7 - 30 When one meets God , all other things seem trivial . The things we thought we needed , the things we sought to grasp and keep , the things we filled our broken vessels with - all of it is rubbish when faced with Heaven 's glory . The Samaritan woman met God face - to - face . What good is a waterpot after this meeting ? He sparked something in her , made her curious about Him . The Messiah would surely prove more interesting than a waterpot . He was more important than anything else she did or had to do that day , and He was so important that she dropped everything and hurried back to town to face the people she lived in community with - all of whom seemed to know about her history since she so casually mentions that He knew all she had done - and told all of them about Him . We seek to satisfy our desires on our own , but that only leaves us thirsty again later . The bait is placed in front of our eyes in our lowest , most desperate moments of hunger . And we take it , even knowing a hook spears the bait and will spear our cheek and hold us captive . Then along comes Jesus , who - seeing all of the hooks that pierce our flesh , indicting us on account of evidence of the baits we gobbled up as though we were starved for years - gently removes them and places our hand in His in order to show us a better way . Jesus is the only one who can satisfy us eternally . Nothing is hidden to Him , and though He sees all that I have done , He refuses to let all that I 've done be all that I am or will be . Instead , He says that He is the fountain that won 't run dry , that He is the one who will give me rest . Instead , he satisfies my desperation to be filled and continually fills me each day with what I need . I want my entire life to change as a result of this teaching . What more can I do or give as response to having been given more than what I could ever hope to deserve ? Every one who thirsts , come to the waters ; and you who have no money come , buy and eat . Come , buy wine and milk without money and without cost … Incline your ear and come to Me . Listen , that you may live ; and I will make an everlasting covenant with you , according to the faithful mercies shown to David . - Isaiah 55 : 1 , 3 Posted on March 1 , 2014 by redconverse Sin , by definition in the Bible , is not wronging another person . It is assaulting the glory of God , rebelling against God . Sin , by definition , is a vertical phenomenon . - John Piper Just before this confession , David also described sin to be " transgression " and " iniquity . " And forgiveness is described to " blot out , " to " wash , " to " cleanse . " These words express the seriousness of sin and the great lengths God goes to in removing ours . He loved us without beginning . The words used to describe the love of the Father and of the Son apply also to the Spirit . His love is just as eternal , just as sovereign , just as loyal , just as unchanging , just as unfathomable . He loves us by sanctifying us to be more like our Savior . He marks us as God 's own . When we stray , when we sin , when we grieve Him by our sin , He pursues us and brings us back to Him . This is why it is only against God that we sin . Yes , we do sin against others , but it is first God that we grieve before all else . It is first God that we offend ; He lives in us . Sin is disobeying God 's Law , going against His holiness , denying that He alone satisfies our souls completely and totally , rather than our addictions ( which , isn 't the reason why we are addicted to these things because they do not satisfy ? ) . Because of the Holy Spirit , I can fall in love with Jesus and be His bride . Because He let me see who Jesus was ; because He broke my hardened heart and made way for Jesus to rest His throne in it . Because He opened my blind eyes , opened my deaf ears , opened my clenched fist to allow me to see and receive His grace . He loves me as deeply as my Father and my Savior . He compels me to return after I wound His heart , after I grieve Him . He calls me to confess , to release all the dirtiness of my life into His hands ; to repent and replace those things with gifts given by Him for the work of His glory . No faith is genuine which does not bear the seal of the Spirit . No love , no hope can ever save us , except it be sealed with the Spirit of God , for whatever hath not his seal upon it is spurious . Faith that is unsealed may be a poison , it may be presumption ; but faith that is sealed by the Spirit is true , real , genuine faith . - Charles Spurgeon
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When we talk about fraud and how it tends to happen , the classic fraud triangle is most commonly used to help us understand how it all happens . The sides of this triangle represent opportunity , pressure and rationalization . In this triangle there is a person , just a regular old person , like you and me . Fraud can happen to anyone and fraudsters are often regular people who find themselves under pressure , faced with the opportunity to perpetrate a fraud and the ability to rationalize it all . Sometimes this person may face pressures . Maybe she has a family member who gets sick and now they have to deal with massive bills . Maybe the person has a gambling problem . Maybe he wants to live the jet set life that he sees his friends living . Whatever the reason may be , these people feel under a lot of pressure to get their hands on more money than they are currently earning . Pressure or not , maybe this person sees an opportunity to defraud . Perhaps he can sign checks , AND , he has custody of the checkbook AND he performs the company 's bank reconciliations . He has all this access and responsibility and no one checking his work . So , now he has access to the money and he can doctor the books to cover up his wrongdoing . However it works out , these people see a weakness that they can take advantage of . The third leg of this triangle is rationalization . This is where a person tells himself that there is a justification for what he is doing . Maybe she tells herself that she really needs the money to deal with this one emergency and this will happen only once . Maybe she then tells herself that this will happen only once and , to boot , she has been a loyal employee for a while so the company really owes her a little leeway for all that she has done . Maybe she tells herself that once she is out of this spot of trouble , she will pay the company back and it will be like it never happened in the first place . Maybe he tells himself that he is underpaid and that what he is doing is merely taking the money that he is rightly owed for all the hard work and time that he puts into the business . The rationalizations that people use are practically endless . Earlier this year , I listened to the podcast " Ponzi Supernova " , a podcast about Bernie Madoff 's Ponzi scheme and what has happened since . One thing that was fascinating about this series was the conversations that Steve Fishman , journalist and narrator of the series , had with Bernie Madoff , infamous perpetrator of a massive Ponzi scheme . Bernie talked about his childhood and how affected he was by his father 's financial failures . Bernie tells Steve that , after seeing his father lose a lot of money and what it did to the family , Bernie swore he would never let that happen to him ( perhaps one could see this as a pressure looming over his life ) . In the early 1960 's , Bernie Madoff violated market regulations and his clients ' trust by losing their money on risky deals . Instead of letting them know that this had happened , he lied to his clients , borrowed money from his father - in - law and carried on as though he was a brilliant investor . Speaking with Fishman , Madoff made it sound as though , because he did not want to fail as his father had , he took these steps so that he could continue to , at least , appear to be successful and very talented . Bernie Madoff spoke with Steve Fishman a couple of years after he was caught ( though , in some versions of his story , he claims he quit ) . Bernie Madoff also spoke with Diana Henriques , who wrote the book The Wizard of Lies , which is now an HBO Film by the same title . Their interactions also occurred a couple of years after Madoff 's fraud was discovered . After he had plead guilty to his crime . Yet , over and over again , Madoff seemed to continue to make excuses for his behavior and try to minimize what he did . Even though , when pleading guilty , he claimed that he acted alone , he has since changed his tune and as co - conspirators have testified against him , he then seems to say , " well , except for that person , I acted alone " . So , it seems that even after being caught , he is only sharing as much of the truth as he needs to and , what I have found to be most interesting , is that he appears to continue to rationalize what he did . In an ideal world , one would imagine that having a fraud exposed and pleading guilty would bring a fraudster to his senses . When we imagine a person committing fraud as a regular person who has fallen into irregular behavior , the hope is that putting an end to this irregular behavior will bring this person to her senses and get them to admit that what they did was without excuses ; that , even though they rationalized their actions when they perpetuated the fraud , they now saw the error of their ways and realized that the rationalizations were all without merit . During the hearing when he plead guilty , Madoff read a prepared statement where he apologized to his victims . However , even that apology came with a " but " attached . " While I never promised a specific rate of return to any client , I felt compelled to satisfy my clients ' expectations , at any cost . " Yet , listening to Ponzi Supernova , you learn that some clients would demand an adjustment to their statements when they did not receive the return they had been promised . Madoff has also placed blame on his victims , claiming that they knew , or should have known , what they were getting into , that he had warned them and that they did not lose as much as they claimed . And , I have found that it is not just Madoff who does this . The Association of Certified Fraud Examiners talks to people who were convicted of fraud and , in video after video , the perpetrators found ways to hold others responsible for what they did - and this is after they had been found guilty and served their sentences . For instance , one blamed her supervisor for being too trusting , " I don 't blame them but … " she started her sentence . Another stated , " I asked you for help and you said no " , while yet another said " I won 't get caught again " , not " I won 't do it again because I realize it was wrong . It may be human to not want to admit full responsibility . Perhaps it is too hard for most of us to admit that we have done terrible things . Who really wants to be a monster , blamed for ruining lives , even when those lives are laid out in front for you ? And if we are not harshly judging ourselves , even when caught , then can we really adjust our behaviors to do right and get back on the straight and narrow ? I don 't know the answers to this but it is something I think about as I perform my work as a forensic accountant . If a person is not able to strip away rationalization and admit that they were just wrong when they perpetuated their fraud , then what are the chances that it won 't be so difficult to do it again ? A couple of years ago a lawyer friend told me about clients who were coming to her office , panicked because their computers had been locked by parties claiming to be the FBI . In order to get their machines unlocked , these fake FBI agents demanded to be paid a ransom . On Friday , over 200 , 000 machines were locked by people ( I assume it was more than one person ) who did not even pretend to be good . They encrypted the information on these machines and demanded $ 300 to $ 600 per machine or , they threatened , all the data on those machines would be destroyed . This type of attack is called a ransomware attack . A program is introduced into the machine , and it locks and encrypts all the data on the machine . A message pops up on the infected machine demanding that money be paid , almost always via bitcoin . Once the ransom has been paid , the message says , a method to unlock the machine will be sent . If the ransom is not paid within the time demanded , all the data on the machine will be erased . So much of our lives , both personal and business , is stored on computers ; can you imagine what would happen if your computer was locked ? The mere thought makes my heart speed up . Earlier this year , a hacker crew called Shadow Brokers released several tools used by the National Security Agency ( NSA ) . Among these tools was one called EternalBlue and this tool exploited a flaw in Microsoft Windows . Armed with the information that was leaked , Microsoft created a patch to fix this flaw and released this patch in March . Perhaps you have now read this far and you are wondering , if the patch was released in March , how did this massive attack happen in May ? How many times has a message popped up on your machine while you are in the middle of something . The message tells you that an update is available for your machine . You see it , but you are in the middle of something important . You close the window and delay the update . This can happen over and over again . Some people , irritated by the notices , turn off the alerts altogether . Now , these automatic alerts are only available on versions of Windows that Microsoft is still actively supporting . So , if you have an older version of Windows , such as XP , Windows 8 or Windows Server 2003 , you no longer receive alerts for updates . Either way , there are millions of machines that were vulnerable to attack on Friday . And on Friday , ransomware aptly called WannaCry , wreaked havoc all over the world . It is believed that the attackers gained access to computers and systems using infected zip files attached to emails . People opened emails and clicked on attachments . These emails did not come from friends and the people clicked on attachments , not knowing what they were opening . Taking advantage of the fact that many organizations store their computer information on servers , making all users interconnected . The WannaCry ransomware , once released by one user , made its way through the interconnected systems and attacked other machines , even those belonging to people who did not click on the infected attachments . Keeping secrets can sometimes go very wrong . The NSA knew that there was a vulnerability in Microsoft Windows . If it was not for the Shadow Brokers leak , Microsoft may not have discovered this vulnerability and they would not have developed a patch to fix it . One can also argue that , if Shadow Brokers had not leaked this information , the hackers may not have known to create WannaCry and none of this would have happened in the first place . I have found , though , that generally speaking , secrets are not kept that way forever . When I wrote about the fake FBI attacks , I stated the importance of keeping your computers up to date . I cannot stress this enough . When the reminders pop up on your machine to update your software , update your software . Install the security fixes . If you don 't want to be disturbed , set up a timetable so that your machine will automatically check for and install updates on a regular basis . Remember , also , to restart your machine on a regular basis . Many installations are not complete without a restart and some updates are triggered by a restart . We live in a time where everyone receives more email than they want to deal with . We run the risk of making careless mistakes , opening up emails and clicking on attachments when we have no idea who sent the email and what is in the attachment . Nowadays , you are almost lucky if the only thing that the attachment does is send out a lot of spam to your friends . More often , click on that attachment can lead to hackers stealing information from you or holding your machine hostage . Sometimes , even when I receive an email , with an attachment , that appears to be from a friend , I will double - check with the friend to make sure that they have sent the email and their account has not been hacked . The extra step may seem tedious but , enough times I have found out that my friend was hacked , so I keep asking when I am suspicious . If your operating system is no longer supported , you should consider getting new software that is . I say this with mixed feelings . Like most people , I hate being forced to buy something when what I already have has been working well for me and when I don 't like the new version . I feel scammed being made to spend that extra money and if the world only contained righteous people I would tell you to keep your software and change it when you are ready . But , we live in a world where people are ready to take advantage of an opportunity to get money out of you . Microsoft stopped providing support for Windows XP in 2014 . This ransomware is specifically taking advantage of this fact . It 's a shame , but it is the way it is . Back up , Back up and back up some more . If you are regularly backing up your machine and keeping the backup either in the cloud or on an external drive , you know what you can do when your machine is held for ransom ? You can ignore the ransom demand because you have your data saved some place safe . The clock can tick down , the files on your machine can all be delete and , even though it will suck to restore everything , you can do so . On Monday morning , people are going to go to work and turn on their machines and many machines running Windows XP or that have not been updated in months will be open to attack . Many of those that are attacked will want to pay the ransom because their data has not been backed . Just weeks ago , articles were written about how British hospitals spent nothing on cyber - defense . On Friday , they could barely function . Maybe they had started having meetings and started discussing taking steps to protect their systems . But , like we all do when that warning popped up , they put it off . I am sure right now they are wishing they had done something to protect themselves because they had to scramble to fix a disaster . Yesterday , I took a moment to look back at 2016 and I am glad that I did . After that exercise in honoring history , I actually changed one of my words for 2017 . My words for 2017 ? That may be what you are wondering . Let me explain . In 2013 , Tom Hood introduced me to the concept of Three Words ( and that concept came from Chris Brogan ) . I use these three words to give the year ahead a theme , almost like a rhythm that I can dance to as I go through the year ; and isn 't everything better with dance ? The process of thinking about my three words and then coming back to them throughout the year , help consolidate , direct and give confidence to what I do and how I do it . As I read over yesterday 's post , I saw my 2016 Three Words dancing over my year , in ways that I had not thought about as I was writing the post - Learn . Fear . Community . Embrace : In previous years I have written about changing things in my life . Transform was one of my words in 2014 . Then , in 2015 , Receptive was a word of mine . Last year we moved to a new neighborhood . When I was a kid , due to politics and other adventures in their lives , we moved around a lot . Between first and third grade , I went to four different schools in three different countries , in four different cities . During my first two years in New York City , I lost count of how many places I lived in . I even spent a couple of months camping out on a ( very amazing ) friend 's couch on weekends , while I worked in Florida during the week . Last year , I talked transformation and I was receptive to talk of moving but , now that I am here , I realize that it is not going to work until I embrace it . This is where I am now with my move , with my work , with my life . I can talk about how great innovations in my line of work are ; I can marvel at how awesome some of the tools that are available to us are ; I can wax lyrical about the incredible people who cross my path and make me better at what I do , but all of that is not worth much unless I dive in there , snuggle in and just embrace it all . Persevere : When I started training to run long distance , I learnt about the power of a mantra . The mantra was invaluable to me , when doing hill repeats . I would chug up a hill and repeat , over and over again , " I love hills . " I will say this , I reached the top of that hill and many others AND I hate hills less and appreciate their value . I actually surprised myself when I told a cousin that I wished there were a few more hills around my new home . In 2015 , I embarked on a new journey of sorts . I started my own business and decided that I wanted to do work that made me look forward to getting out of bed every day . I loved that my husband 's work , as a photographer , was something he also did for fun . I admired how excited he got about his projects and I wanted some of that . At times I would talk to some people about what I wanted to do and how I wanted to do it and they would tell me , " that will never work . " Fortunately , my incredible community ( 2016 word , hello ! ) took over and repeated the mantra I had not yet learnt to say myself . However , as the year came to an end , I started to believe . So this year , I shall remember to say to myself , " You got this . You can do this , " not just when I am running , or doing pull - ups . I shall tell myself this as I am serving my clients , community and the public . Monchu : My last word is a word that I have borrowed from Chris Brogan . Chris tells us Monchu is an Okinawan word that means " one family " . It essentially means that we treat people who are not our blood as though they are family . I have benefited from this concept forever . As someone who lives very far away from most of my blood , I just don 't know where I would be with my one family . For instance , I just wrote about how I was able to crash on a friend 's couch when I first moved to New York . I didn 't mention that I had only known her for months and she offered her home to me , and her husband and adorable daughter didn 't seem to mind either . That is just one of a million of my stories . I know that I could do a way better job of keeping in touch with people to let them know that they are part of my one family . I know that this philosophy will guide me to be better at what I do and how I do it . I hope to also inspire others around me to embrace this philosophy . And now for 2017 - Embrace , Persevere & Monchu . I am excited for the year ahead and I know that the view from my new home will help me do so . You see it up above , I can see forever now . I got this . I was in high school before I realized how much I love history . Even though I read many historical adventures and would get so caught up in stories that I would find myself being moved in ways movies and television could , I never attached that excitement to any history I ever learnt in school . There was a separation of story and history until I ended up with a history teacher who was so gifted at bringing history to life that I didn 't even really feel as though I was in class . What has taken a while to sink in is that history is not just about other people 's stories and what they might mean , but it is also about my own stories ( along with people around me ) and how what I have done , thought and felt in the past is something that I should not only want to record , remember and recognize but also find importance in . In 2013 , I started a new approach to beginning my year . Since then , I have given my year a theme , encapsulated in three words . In order to better think on what I would like to make as my theme for next year , looking back at where I have been is invaluable . So , I am taking a moment to take a look at how 2016 went - to learn , to appreciate and to give myself a pat on the back where needed . Throughout my year , I continued to be amazed by and grateful for the people I crossed paths with - friends , strangers and those in between . It may have been someone telling me not to give up at moments when the thought was threatening to become action . It may have been someone sharing words of wisdom that kept me and my fear , anger or ego acting out irrationally . I moved to a new neighborhood . This was a big deal as I had lived in the same neighborhood for 16 years ( my husband had been there for 20 ) , we had many friends that lived conveniently close and more amenities than we knew what to do with . I miss it all AND I am excited about our new path forward . A college friend invited me to take cello lessons with her and another friends and I said yes . We love it - we dream big and take small steps every week toward living those dreams . I know those around us , who get to hear us practicing , hope that we live those dreams sooner rather than later . The night of 31 December 2016 turned out to be an incredibly windy one . My husband and I had planned on walking around the neighborhood , discovering the various New Year 's Eve celebrations in our new space . However , gale force winds led to a change of plan ( isn 't that how life works ? ) We made dinner and spent the evening talking , laughing and watching various celebrations on television . I made sure to dance before and after midnight Growing up , my father gave me a diary for Christmas , every year . I was always excited to get mine and , even as I moved away for college and started living away from home , I still got my diary . In yet another chapter of - Parents are Sneaky and Wise - I have discovered the power and importance of being able to look back and how much that helps in looking forward . So , farewell 2016 ! I am now turning my head to look ahead to 2017 . Hello ! On September 8 , the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau ( CFPB ) put out a press release that it was fining Wells Fargo Bank $ 100 million for secretly opening deposit and credit card accounts , without customer approval . In addition to the CFPB fine , Wells Fargo was fined $ 35 million by the Office of the Comptroller of the Currency , $ 50 million by the City and Country of Los Angeles and will have to pay approximately $ 5 million in restitution to customers . This fraudulent behavior occurred on a massive scale and , based on the CFPB 's investigation , resulted in : All of the above has happened only since January 1 , 2011 . That is about five years in which these shenanigans were going on . During this time , Wells Fargo fired about 5 , 300 employees but it does not appear that the bank did a lot more than that to change the culture and systems in order to keep these practices from recurring , or that it took any steps to do right by the customers who were affected . To boot , the executive who oversaw the unit where this all happened left without having to pay back any of the almost $ 125 million that she earned with the bank . To understand why employees engaged in these dishonest practices , it is important to understand how they benefitted . Wells Fargo is valued at over $ 250 billion , making it the most valuable bank in United States , by this yardstick . Wells Fargo was also considered to be the king of cross - selling . Cross - selling is a practice where banks sell more than one service to a customer . For instance , say you open a checking account with Wells Fargo . If the person that you open your account with convinces you to then open a savings account , a credit card account and a mortgage , all of that is cross - selling . At Wells Fargo , employees were paid and received bonuses based on the number of different services they were able to sell to customers . At times , employees would have to work unpaid overtime hours in order to reach these goals and would be threatened with losing their jobs if they did not do enough cross - selling . These employees were told to do " whatever it takes " in order to meet sales goals and this turned out to include engaging in the fraudulent behaviors I noted above . With the pressure to perform in order to increase earnings , through bonuses , or merely keep a job , the retail employees , at least 5 , 300 of them , found many opportunities to game the system . Controls at Wells Fargo , when it came to ensuring accounts were valid and authorized by customers , appears to have been very lax . For instance : Employees were able to sign up customers for banking services and would use fake email addresses that used wellsfargo . com as the domain name , such as 1234 @ wellsfargo . com or none @ wellsfargo . com . Doesn 't that seem rather brazen ? It also seems like a security shortfall on the part of the bank , that the application process wouldn 't flag an email that doesn 't exist in your own system . When employees opened fake deposit accounts , they would fund these accounts by transferring a customers money from an authorized account to the fake account . Sometimes , as a result of the transfer , the authorized account would incur insufficient balance and overdraft fees . Also , the fake accounts would also incur fees and Wells Fargo would withdraw money from the authorized accounts in order to pay these fees . Some customers actually received credit cards for accounts that they had not authorized . When these customers contacted Wells Fargo to complain about these cards , they were told to simply destroy the cards . Destroying a credit card does not close the credit card account , nor does the shredding of a card do anything as far as the shredding that your credit profile may have taken . With how widespread these practices were , it seems that employees were sharing knowledge about how to best bulk up their cross - selling numbers , without actually cross - selling . Also , when customers complained about fees , it is unclear how much of a follow - up there was to discover if what had happened was a mistake or not . Then , when Wells Fargo discovered this behavior and fired an employee , the bank did not take any steps to let the impacted customers know that their information had been used to open accounts in their name and , if applicable , charge them fees . The bank did not go back and refund customers the fees they had been charged , unless the customer raised a stink about them . When I was discussing this case with my husband and explaining how customers were negatively affected , he had a tale of his own . He has a credit card ( not Wells Fargo ) and the company changed his credit card information , without letting him know . When he sent payment on his account , they accepted the payment , without telling him that the account was closed , and then charged him interest and fees on the balance that had been moved to a new account . He , not the credit card company , had to figure out what had happened and he , not the credit card company had to calculate the monies that needed to be refunded to him and make sure that the company was not just holding money on a nonexistent account but actually crediting it to his account . Review your credit report on a regular basis to make sure that all accounts listed are ones that you know about . Several financial institutions offer free credit reports to customers . If this is not an option for you , you can visit the Annual Credit Report website . On this website , you are entitled to credit report per year , from each of the three major credit reporting companies . A strategy to employ is to check a report with one agency every four months ; Check your bank statements regularly ( at least monthly ) for any transactions that are incorrect . Even if it is a small amount , look into a transaction . That small amount could be an indication of something bigger ; On the Wells Fargo website , the Chairman and CEO states that " Everything we do is built on trust . " It seems that many employees have been playing lip service to that value and we know that , even with trust , it is important to verify . Take the time to check in on your finances . There may be mistakes that need fixing and there may also be pressured employees who are trying to get ahead or merely hold onto their jobs by engaging in dishonest practices . Oh man ! I may need treatment to recover from working out my health care expenses . For several years now , my shoulder has hurt . I have had it looked at by a doctor and I went through physical therapy until I had used up all that I was allowed to use , and treatment didn 't really work . My shoulder still hurt a lot . I then got sidetracked by all kinds of other things going on in my life and so I pretty much lived with the pain ( eased a bit by massage , ibuprofen and Salonpas ) . Finally , I decided that enough was enough and that life should not be lived in pain , so I went to see the doctor who helped me out when I fractured my knee . I love his guy . He is absolutely awesome . And it is a great and special thing when you establish and relationship where you are treated like an adult with a brain and all your questions are answered and things are good . You feel great , until you start to talk money . Then you feel all kinds of unwell again . I am a person with health insurance and I believe it is pretty good insurance because it is pretty widely accepted and my co - payments are decent . I understand that choosing an out of network doctor is bound to be very pricey . However , several years ago , I had some pretty terrible experiences when I went with in - network doctors that were recommended to me by my insurance website and not by a fellow medical profession . Now , when I find someone who treats me with respect and seems to have a vested interest in my being healthy and fully recovered , I tend to stick with that person . I understand that this can come with a premium ; I just wanted to know what this premium might be . So , there I was , discussing a treatment plan and then payment plans . The treatment plan ended up being the easier part of things to understand . Let me tell my tale … Looking at a schedule of my health insurance benefits is like solving a complex math problem , where suddenly I need my calculator and a whole lot of patience . I have to factor in a deductible and then calculate the split between what insurance will then cover and what I have as an out - of - pocket expense . I sat down with the office manager at my doctor 's office and he went through the various costs of my treatment and then he pulled up the Fair Health Consumer website . The office manager then explained to me that , because my doctor was out of network , we should go over what the treatment could , potentially , cost me . He explained to me that even though my insurance would cover a percentage of my " eligible expenses " , what that meant could make a huge difference to my wallet . I found out , this week , that things can get very complicated and expensive . First of all , the health insurance company will determine the reasonable and customary cost of a procedure . This is the average fee charged in a particular geographic area . Then , for out of network providers , regardless of what the provider charges , the health insurance company will cover costs based on the reasonable and customary cost . However , a health insurance plan may determine what they will cover , based on a published rate allowed by Medicare . This rate has nothing to do with the average cost of a procedure in the part of the country where your treatment occurs . This rate can be wildly different from the reasonable and customary rate and this can result in a big difference in how your wallet looks at the end of the day . For example , you could have a procedure that has a reasonable and customary cost of $ 10 , 000 . If your health insurance covers 60 % of this rate , your out - of - pocket expense will be $ 4 , 000 or 40 % ( I am , for the sake of simplicity , assuming that there is no deductible ) . Now , if your health insurance uses the Medicare based rate , they could reimburse you only about $ 300 ( this is a comparison that I actually did on the Fair Health Consumer website , and not something that I made up , as extreme as the difference is ) . That means here , your out - of - pocket expense will be $ 9 , 700 . That is a significant difference . So it is very important to have an idea of what you are going to pay beforehand , Otherwise the doctor 's bill may give you a heart attack , in addition to all your other issues . The health insurance companies say that they have switched to the Medicare rate in order to push out of network doctors to become in network doctors in order to get better reimbursement rates from them , but what I have read of how this rate came about does not appear to support that claim . However , it seems to me that the patients are the ones who are suffering , being that they are the ones who then get the gigantic bills from the provider that they have chosen to use . And this could be because they have looked at theiWith this in mind , the office manager gave me a list of information , including the codes for the treatment and suggested that , beyond visiting my insurer 's website and reading their explanation of benefits , I actually call and have conversations about what exactly the explanations mean . So began my adventures in telephone conversations regarding my health insurance benefits . I made my first call , thinking I would be on the phone for a few minutes but I didn 't hang up until over an hour later and I was still clueless . The man I spoke to was very friendly and polite and he took my information but then as we got into what I should expect my out - of - pocket expense to be , things became very murky and confusing . It appeared that he could not access out of network information for what my cost would be and , he was not clear on what rate my out - of - pocket expenses would be based . After an hour of us hanging out on the phone , trying to figure things out , he found a form that I could submit in order to get a quote from the health insurer but he seemed to not know how to get it to me . So he said he would call me back or email me before the end of the day . He did neither . The next morning I called again and , even though this particular insurance company representative seemed to have access to a little more information , she too was very vague and kept telling me that she could not tell me how much things might cost me or what would be reimbursed . That is a bit scary since I was calling to make sure that I would have as few surprises as possible . About an hour into a very frustrating and circular conversation , I mentioned that the day before , the representative had mentioned a form and a client advocate . She claimed she had never heard of such a thing but she put me on hold as she went to investigate . She came back on the line and said she had found this form but she could only either fax it to me or send it via snail mail ( I could go into a whole rant about why , in 2016 , people can 't email you something and , instead , you have to figure out how to get your hands on a fax machine ) . So , now I am at a point where I have sent information in to the insurance company and I am now waiting ( for 2 - 3 business days , per the form ) for a response on the eligible expense for my treatment - the first step in calculating out - of - pocket expenses . I am hoping that my future does not hold more protracted conversations where things end up even more confusing than they were going in . I would feel dumb , but the health insurance representatives seemed to know about as much as I did about what my insurance policy does and does not cover . I hope that I can get to a point where I can make an informed decision about what to do next . And my lesson , almost , learnt that I am sharing here - don 't take the website blurb at face value ; don 't take the information booklet at face value ; don 't assume you know what is going on . Keep asking questions , even if you get so frustrated that you want to throw your phone across the room . If what you are being told about your insurance doesn 't make sense , ask to speak to someone else . I could tell you what I think about all of this , but I am going to stick with telling you to ask the questions until you get clarity ( even if it is very expensive clarity ) . Insurance is a very murky space and those dark spots could turn out to be a lot of money coming out of your pocket . When I first started running long distance , my goal was to run the New York Marathon . After I completed the Chicago Marathon , things changed a little . Of course I still held my breath every year , hoping to make it into the New York Marathon . But I also had another distant dream - qualifying for the Boston Marathon . It was a distant dream because I would need to run a qualifying time in order to get into Boston and my pace at that time was nowhere near one that would get me into Boston . Over the last few years , my pace has improved and qualifying for Boston has become a more attainable dream . Over the years , I have also come to know more runners and have found that many of us aspire to qualify . I know I am always in awe of a person who has qualified for Boston - it is no mean feat . With the line of work that I am in , I should not have been surprised , but I was , when I read a recent Runner 's World piece about people who cheat to get into the Boston Marathon . I wanted to run the New York Marathon because I was inspired by the runners who ran past my block , the runners who would touch all five boroughs that make up the city that I call home . I enjoy running races in cities and towns that I have never been to , as I find it a great way to visit and discover new places . When I think about Boston , I don 't necessarily think about running the race itself . The power of Boston , for me and for many that I speak with is in what it takes to qualify . That is the challenge . So , when I read about people who cheated by getting someone else to run a qualifying time in their place , or by cutting a course , I was baffled . Where is the joy in telling someone that you achieved something that you didn 't or that you had someone achieve on your behalf ? When I speak with fellow runners , I tend to speak with like - minded people who are just as baffled as I am . This article reminded me that just because one cannot understand the motivations of a cheater , it does not mean that the cheating will not happen . The fact that many of us cannot understand this motivation is exactly what those that cheat bank on . If no one can imagine how or why someone would fake qualifying for the Boston Marathon , the chances are high that a person will get away with faking in order to qualify for the Boston Marathon . This is something that we all should be mindful of , beyond the realms of the Boston Marathon . Way too often , a business owner or manager will forgo instituting checks and balances in their company , because that business owner can 't imagine that anyone that works for them could be the kind of person that would defraud them . It is important to take steps to keep from being blindsided by your world view . Precisely because you can 't imagine how a person could behave in a fraudulent manner is why you should seek out the services of a forensic accountant , whose job it is to both imagine how a person could defraud you and how to prevent and detect such actions . We all hope that people will be honest , but it is a sad truth that for various reasons , people will cheat . In the context of the Boston Marathon , perhaps some people feel that they are so close to a qualifying time that a little cheat is not such a bad thing . Maybe some people hunger for praise , even if they have not earned it . Maybe some people just don 't think it is a big deal to cheat in order to get into Boston and see it as a victimless crime . In the context of a business , some people may face personal pressures that they feel push them to fraud . Some people may feel that they are not sufficiently appreciated by their employer and may , therefore , feel justified in taking from that employer . No one is immune from the pressures or motivations that lead to fraud , but what we can do is take steps to make it as difficult as possible to be defrauded . Hey there 2016 ! In 2013 , I officially put aside New Year 's Resolutions . This is because I was introduced to the concept of Three Words , by Tom Hood , who found this idea from Chris Brogan . I have found the three words to be a great way to give my year a point of consolidation and mindfulness . I have found the three words to be invaluable . I find myself bringing up these words in conversations and in my writing and I am sure I must sound like a broken record to some people . I am happy to be a broken record if this helps me live a life of greater focus and productivity . I am just about always trying to do too much and I have found these three words give me greater direction . Last year , my three words were Receptive , Synergy and Service and I found these words coming up often during 2015 . I faced several challenges during the year , I embarked on new ventures and my life took turns that I never imagined . During that time , my words from 2013 all the way through 2015 helped form my rallying cry . As 2015 neared its end , I wondered what my words for 2016 would be . I took the time to look back and think about where I have been and then think forward to where I would like to go and what I want my compass to look like as I travel . Today , I have my words for 2016 . Learn : During my various adventures in 2015 , I things thrown at me that I could either try to ignore or take lessons from . My brother got married and that brought a lot of my family together in one place . It is always amazing to me that , for as much as I think I know the stories of my family , when we come together there are new and incredibly interesting things that I learn . My husband and I also spent time together with his aunt where she regaled us with stories of her youth and his family history . As much as I think I know , I find that there are still more ways to expand my mind and that should I choose to , I can keep on learning . I hope to learn in formal settings , in informal setting and totally by surprise . Fear : I am sure that at some point in my writing I have shared my irrational fear of rodents , a fear that is not very helpful for a person who lives in New York City . I remember once , years ago , I was living in an apartment an old building . The old buildings in New York are lovely to look at but come with holes , holes that mice like to climb through , especially when it gets cold . One evening , I was hanging out on the couch when suddenly a mouse scuttled across my floor . I was frozen on the couch , afraid to move lest the mouse and I collide . People tell me that the rodents are more afraid of me than I am of them ; I beg to differ . I ended up calling my neighbor , from the couch and , luckily he came by and dealt with the mouse . Now , I am not about to dive into a close encounter with a rodent , but I am learning that the times that I have been able to get past my fears are the times that I have been able to have new adventures . I started my own business this year and I am learning to not let my fears about failure , about the unknown or about anything else hold me back . I am also having a great time exploring life and learning new things about myself and those around me . Community : I say it all the time and it remains true - nothing happens without community . When I started my business I found support from friends , family and colleagues . I found support from strangers . Had I realized the power of community , I may have taken the leap earlier . An instrumental aspect of collaboration and synergy is community . As I continue on this incredible adventure , I want to be mindful of the great things that can be achieved by a community . I am unbelievably excited at the prospect of looking fear in the eye and saying , " bring it on . " . For it is through these experiences that I shall learn and it is with these moments that I shall be able to connect with my community and build that community . AND I have an extra day to do all of this this year . So , tell me , what are your words ? We are a household of sports fans and this tends to be just about the only live television that we watch . Because we can 't fast forward through the commercials during live games , I have watched commercials about daily fantasy sports . A lot of commercials about daily fantasy sports ( DFS ) . It doesn 't matter whether it is DraftKings or FanDuel , as they both seem just about the same . I have heard about how you can win millions , practically for free , and about how easy it all is . I know nothing about fantasy sports , and I have come away mostly irritated by how ubiquitous the advertising is than wanting to try out the daily fantasy sports scene . I also don 't trust them when they tell me that I could win money for nothing and , instead , I wonder how they could claim to give away so much money for nothing and still pay for the many , many ads that are everywhere we look . Answers came to me at the beginning of October , when a DFS scandal hit the news . As the story went , a DraftKings employee released key information earlier than he should . This information , if known , would give someone a tactical edge when playing fantasy football . The same employee also won $ 350 , 000 betting at FanDuel . Even though this doesn 't look good , DraftKings says they are certain that , even with an extra $ 350 , 000 in his pocket , their employee did not act improperly - he merely made a mistake . As I read the story , I shook my head in disbelief . I was surprised by several things . First of all , I was surprised to discover that Daily Fantasy Sports betting is not considered to be gambling . Now , I know hardly anything about daily fantasy sports , so it may indeed be a game of skill and not luck . However , especially with terms like " betting " used when talking about it , it sure does look a lot like gambling . That said , interviews that I have seen and read show those who spend a lot of money on DFS referring to it as investing . Nevada recently shut down DraftKings and FanDuel , declaring that DFS is gambling and that the two companies need licences before they can operate in that state . So , in that regard , let 's go with more and more people are agreeing with me on the whole " is it gambling " question . More surprising , though , was the employee betting . To have a company that runs the betting allow its employees to bet as well smacks of impropriety , regardless of whatever steps the companies claimed they took to keep things on the up and up . Both FanDuel and DraftKings would not let their employees bet with them but those same employees , armed with whatever insider information they might ( or might not ) have , were able to go to competitor sites and bet there . And bet they did and how surprised are we to find out that the top winners in daily fantasy sports tended to be employees of DraftKings and FanDuel ( though never from their own employer , of course ) . I couldn 't believe that management at this company could look at the set up was acceptable . Maybe they did , or maybe they just thought they could get away with it but it has me wondering about what operation and control policies other entities have in place that either do not protect them and their assets , or even put them at greater risk . Just because you institute a rule , it does not mean that it is a good or useful rule . For instance , DraftKings employees , with all the inside information they potentially had access to , could not place a bet with their employer , DraftKings . However , they could log into FanDuel , their competitor and use their edge when placing bets there . And the policy was mirrored by FanDuel . Looking in from the outside , both companies appeared to be acting unethically , and just about always , perceptions are as powerful as reality . If it looks as though someone is having a $ 350 , 000 party with your money , the facts will matter very little to you . It might feel very managerial to make rules in your organization , but if all they serve to do is fill operations manuals and make you feel good , they are achieving less than nothing . It is worse than not making rules at all because , at least when you don 't have regulations , you have no illusions about whether or not you are protected . On the other hand , creating a free for all entity may make you feel like the cool kid and may even have people clamoring to work for you . However , among those clamoring , it is almost guaranteed , will be those seeing ample opportunity to commit fraud and perhaps lay waste to your business . There are very important reasons why people like me preach setting up your business in ways that prevent and detect fraud and two of these reasons are protecting your assets and protecting your reputation . Now , FanDuel and DraftKings are finding themselves on the defensive and being given the cold shoulder by entities who do not want to be tainted by the growing scandals . They are being investigated by state and federal authorities , and are now scrambling to clean up an image that would never have been sullied if they had formed their operating and control structures correctly and ethically , in practice and appearance , from the get go . Now they are tripping over themselves , doing things like creating self - regulatory bodies in order to regain the trust of the public . Judging from what I have read , that is not working very well - something that happens when a company has betrayed the public 's trust . Instead these companies are being put under the microscope and their reputation is taking a beating . They are on the defensive now and all of this could have very easily been avoided . If you are running a business , you should ensure that you consult with a qualified professional to avoid issues such as : Spending time and resources doing things property in the first place is less costly , in dollars and reputation , than trying to clean things up after the damage is done . That kind of disaster can be very difficult to come back from . Is it something you are ready to bet on ? Today is marathon Sunday in New York City and , for years now , I have lived less than a block from the marathon route . It is one of the most exciting days of the year for me and I love walking down to the end of my block to join the over one million spectators who line the 26 . 2 - mile route to cheer on the runners . All too often , New Yorkers are thought of as people who just don 't care about others . Per the stereotype , it 's just keep out of our way , don 't look us in the eye and don 't do anything that will slow us down and we won 't have any problems . Marathon day is a day when I am reminded that the city is a city full of people who do things like come out to cheer and high - five strangers as those strangers test their bodies and spirits . I love it . There are moments , such as the marathon , that bring out the best in people . Disasters , as sad as they may be , also bring out the best in people . People come out and give time , money and other resources to help those in need . Tragically , disasters also tend to bring out the worst in some people . Some among us see disasters as a great opportunity to take advantage of others , for personal gain . Some of the fraudsters are blatant in their unscrupulous ways because they are targeting the desperate among us . A current example is the migrant crisis in Europe , where refugees , seeking to escape dangers at home , will give up all their resources in the hopes of reaching a safer place . Instead , some hand over money to greedy criminals who then lead them into more danger and , sometimes , even death . Other fraudsters are more slick in their strategies to profit from the suffering of others . In recent months , natural disasters such as fires and tropical storms , have left many in the United States needing assistance . Just in October , while communities in South Carolina were struggling to recover from flooding damage , warnings were being sent out because of an influx of fake charities . These counterfeit charities , preying on the generosity of those wishing to do something to help the displaced and impacted , were taking people 's money and doing nothing to help those in need . Just a couple of days ago in New York , a company agreed to pay a settlement of $ 700 , 000 for pretending to collect secondhand clothing to help charities . Instead , this company sold the clothing , paid almost nothing to the charities and made profits of over $ 10 million dollars , it is estimated . Giving is a vital part of what makes us communities . Just make sure that you are giving to the right people and not the unscrupulous scammers around . You know , like that obnoxious person in the neighborhood who decides that they just have to cross the street as the runners are passing by . Don 't give that guy the time of day .
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Tuesday , one of my students stopped in to read to me from Khalil Gibran 's , " The Prophet . " He read to me three chapters , " clothing , " " laws , " and " freedom . " He was stunned by the wisdom , and the beauty with which it was expressed . I was too . I 've heard people talk about The Prophet , but only in reference . I really am quite embarrassed that I don 't have this work memorized . I read most of the book Tuesday evening . Last night I read some to Allison , and told her that it was strange , like listening to music , that before I could go on to the next chapter , I would have to go back and read the current one again . Maybe again . It is like staring at a beautiful painting . Recently , my brother and sister - in - law , on whom we 've been wishing parenthood , though there has never been any indication they wished it for themselves , called to announce the expected ETA of their firstborn . There may have been an article in the London Times . I didn 't actually see it my self . The announcement that you 're expecting your first child is an outrageously big event . A couple ponders when and how to tell whom . For the life of me , I can 't remember telling my parents when we found out that Jack was on the way . This seems very odd to me , because it is typical that we remember every burp and diaper change for the first , and don 't even have any pictures of their younger siblings . Allison mentioned to Molly that she was disappointed that we had so few pics and video of her as a baby , yet had so many of Jack . Molly said , " oh that 's understandable . When you have your first baby , you don 't know if you 'll ever have any more so you take millions of pictures . " Simple wisdom from the underphotographed bald beauty . We 've made up for it though . There are more pics of her from the past month than of both boys ' lifetimes combined . So why would I not remember how I announced Jack 's birth ? I do remember Will 's though . I sent a simple email to Mom and Dad with the statement , " children are a reward from the Lord . Blthat 's what rod was thinking at 2 : 01 PM So when I got into my truck to come to work , there was a tiny crab spider directly in my sight line on the windshield . He 'd heard that there could be no better place on the planet to catch insects than on the windshield of a moving vehicle , so he placed himself , assumed the stance , and waited until time to go to work . When I got in , there he was , front crab legs splayed far apart in readiness for prey to fall within reach . When I got out on the interstate , he wasn 't fazed a bit , he just sat there like nothing was wrong . 45 , 50 , 60 , 65 , no problem . Evidently there were logistics he hadn 't considered . If a bug hits the windshield , at this speed , it would be precarious traveling to get across the glass to retrieve it . Furthermore , when a bug hits a 65mph windshield , it hits at a 65 mile per hour minimum . The first potential logistical challenge proved not to be a problem . The first bug to happen along pegged precisely across the plate , dead center in the strike zone , between his waiting , splayed , crab legs . But the second challenge , the speed at which the bug crossed the plate was indeed a surprise to the cute little predator . As it turns out , it didn 't matter a bit that the spider 's reflexes were too slow to grab the bug . In fact , it all happened so quickly that the poor arachnid stood there completely covered in his lunch , unable to move due to the paralyzing wind pinning him in a sea of bug goo against the windshield . Had he the fortitude to stick it out , he 'd have had a pre - processed dinner . But instead , when I slowed enough for him to wiggle out of the goo , with mere scrapes and bruises , he hobbled to the side of the window to seek shelter in the crack of the door . It 's only my speculation that he has since returned to the old fashioned way of sitting on a flower petal and awaiting some unsuspecting , slow - moving honeybee to buzz along . Technorati Tags : arachnids , bugs , spider , wind , windshield The Wisteria bloomed today . Allison texted me from downtown this morning . " Wisteria ! " , she said . When she got home , she said she 'd seen a tiny bit along Irmo drive . So Molly and I donned our helmets and took a ride this afternoon in anticipation of my first sighting of ' 07 . She was right , there was only a little along Irmo drive , but once we turned toward and crossed the dam , it was everywhere . It was dripping from the top of tall pine trees , over fences , speckled among the dogwoods and propped up in people 's lawns . Allison and I planted some in the backyard early last summer . It is getting some leaves , but I guess it 's too young to perform for me this year . The pine pollen is dusting everything green . It had just gotten started last week and the rain kept it controlled for a few days . But we 've had no rain all week . Everything is green . My driveway is green , the front steps are green , my whiskers are green , my red truck is green . I washed it last night and this morning it was already green again . I had my bike out for an hour today and it was already covered . I cleaned the windshield before I went to Jack 's track meet , but on the way home , I had to stop and wash it again to avoid staring through a hazy green filter . My sinuses are clogged , my lungs are tight , my throat is sore , my eyes are swollen , and my legs ache . It 's worth it though . One day on a bike riding through the colors of spring is worth a week of swollen membranes , post - nasal drip , sore throat and achy muscles . No doubt . If I had a week off , I 'd follow it north . Technorati Tags : allergies , allergy , pollen , seasons , sinus , spring , wisteria Quite honestly , though I 'm usually curious enough to read them , I 've never really understood the whole " meme " phenom in blogland . Perhaps because they 're usually curricular and pre - packaged , fill - in - the - blanks type things . Do I really want to know what were the last 3 desserts you ate ? Do I really want to know whom you 'd choose between Orlando Bloom , Brad Pitt , and Cesar Chavez ? Or blue , yellow , or pumpkin ? How about your favorite number ? 9 , 3 , or 19 ? So I 've never been tempted to participate in any such goofiness , even if I were to get " tagged " ( which I haven 't ) . I 'm much too serious a blogger to waste time on such nonsense . That is , until one of my favorite blogs set off a firestorm of such goofiness . And not only was it cool , it was terribly interesting . And amusing . Ok , so maybe I could learn a bit about myself by doing a sort of " rod synopsis " , but I certainly can 't be as amusing as my inspiration . Nor as interesting . But I can ponder things about myself that pop into my head . Learn from some mistakes perhaps . Count some blessings . Remember to avoid some things next time , and to do some things again . I don 't know . Maybe you should stop here , do an outclick , and go on about your day . But I think I 'll stick around and ponder my past and present , and ponder if it tells me anything about me . Childish and uncool ? I make no apologies . A lot of this stuff has been spilled in more depth on actual blog posts from the archives . I 'll spare you the links to those . here goes : 1 . I started playing guitar because Johnny Cash played guitar . I begged for a guitar for a long time , then after I got one , begged for lessons . 2 . I bought my first " good " acoustic guitar when I was 11 with money I 'd earned cutting grass around the neighborhood . 3 . My Dad built a new house in front of our old tiny house in which my brother , sister , and I all slept in the same bedroom . The house took him almost 3 years to complete , and was almost completely paid for when he finished . I was 12 when it was finished . This is one of the major events of my lifethat 's what rod was thinking at 11 : 53 PM If you 're a winter - type person , I 've got bad news for you . Your hours are numbered . You should spend today outside saying goodbye to old man freezy - breath , although ' round these parts , today is not very wintry . It 's a poor effort as a last hurrah . So tonight , shortly after dark , Spring will sneak in under the new moon and a vernacious miracle will take place . Spring and the Flower moon will be born and grow together . Of course , ' round these parts , most of equinoxical stealth has been rendered ineffective due to the color guard that has marched in ahead , blowing trumpet fanfares with daffodils , twirling forsythia , ringing summer snowflakes , and waving magnolia blossoms . Had Vern wanted to come in quietly he should have had the color guard bring up the rear . At any rate , this evening it becomes official . Vern will be crowned emperor of the Northern Hemisphere , and his brother , Autumnus Sumer Leavus will be crowned in the South , each for a 3 month term . My allegiance is with Vern for the moment . Technorati Tags : seasons , weather , winter So Allison turned 43 today . Rounded off to the nearest year , we 're the same age again . I really don 't enjoy those 37 days during which she is a year younger than I am . I 'm always afraid she 'll think I 'm too old for her and run off with a younger man . But , now I 'm safe for another year , we 're the same age again . Allison worked last night . In fact , she worked an extra 12 - hour night shift this weekend . So on the morning of her birthday , she could have done what you and I would have done after a night 's work . Instead , she came home , changed shoes and ran 50 miles . Well , somewhere between 5 and 50 . But still . Right ? After a night shift , and at 43 ? Sheesh . I 'm really proud to be able to say I 'm married to a 43 year - old woman because in all honesty , no one believes it . In some ways , she is like my own mom , whose age peaked at some point , and she has since been getting younger . Allison 's age peaked a couple years ago , and while I believe she has grown more in these two years than perhaps all of life before , she has grown younger at an equal rate . Her increasing youth is manifest in growing dependence on all those around us . She is becoming less afraid to need and is regaining the ability to be vulnerable - a trait that is stolen away as we age and lose innocence and naiveté . It seems like a paradox that the more we grow , the younger we get . A mystery . But it 's real . We 're told that unless we come as children , we won 't get it . The whole world pressures us to grow up , be rational , reason and understand . But they don 't get . Children can imagine what doesn 't seem possible and believe what can 't be explained . Once we convince ourselves to do what we desperately want to do , to believe what we desperately want to believe , we begin to grow younger . What is too good to be real becomes commonplace . Rich Mullins wrote , " we are children no more , we have sinned and grown old , but our Father still waits and he watches down the road … growing young … " Of course , those of you who have seen her lathat 's what rod was thinking at 11 : 30 PM A year and a half or so ago , I made a mirror site for my blog because Wordpress was so much more tweakable and I really wanted " categories " to help me organize my thoughts . I realized that I 'd need to post simultaneously to both locations , so I bought the blog editing software , Ecto to do so . It was $ 18 , and I 'd never have to login to either blogsite to post . Woot . A few months ago , Blogger began moving folks to their new version . Mine , being quite large was one of the last to go , but even before I went , the tweaks in the blogger system had rendered ecto suddenly inoperable , intermittently at first , then totally . Since then , I 've had to post to blogger manually . Gee whiz . That is until today . I got tired of copying and pasting and writing extra code , so I began to dig around blogger looking for a more accurate API access point . Eventually , I found a tweak of Ecto itself that fixed the blogger - caused blogger problem . The guy who wrote Ecto also has a day job . He wrote Ecto for fun . He 's busy now writing a new version , Ecto 3 . 0 , but he still took the time to write a fix to a problem that was caused by someone else 's software and that had rendered his already - paid - for product useless to all us who had spent the $ 18 . Wasn 't that sweet ? But all of that is just back - story . The front story is that it seems like this kind of business - community , and development for the sake of advancement rather than commerce only happens on the interwebs . Furthermore , it usually has to do with product that you can 't see , hold in your hand , or show to the manufacturer so that they can see what 's broken . In real life , it seems that once a product is out the door , it 's your problem . Inadequacies , flaws , and blemishes are cleverly hidden or downplayed until they are taken home . Can you imagine buying a car just before a road is repaved , and then having the dealership give you new tires that will work better on the new surface ? That 's what happens everyday on the internets . It 's more of a web than ever before with ethat 's what rod was thinking at 10 : 42 AM This afternoon , there was a flurry of avian activity in the backyard . I 'd finally seen Allison 's Brown Headed Nuthatch earlier in the day . It had been chased away from the suet by a quite grown up Downy Woodpecker . When Allison came home , she mentioned a woodpecker at the feeder , and I said he 'd scared her Nuthatch away . Allison said they must have become friends because he was sitting on a limb waiting his turn . I came to look , and saw that the entire backyard was alive . There was the Nuthatch , the Woodpecker , a Tufted Titmouse , two Chickadees ( they always come in pairs ) , a rogue Mocking bird , one of my Carolina Wrens all grown up , 2 Cardinals ( husband and wife ) , 2 Bluejays ( probably brothers ) , a bunch of Robins drilling for worms , and 3 Northern Flickers pecking for ants . Tonight , the frogs are singing very loudly . Just sayin ' . . . It 's a little embarrassing to admit some things that dictate other things in your life . On a particularly nice day last week , one of my students asked me if I 'd ridden my bike to work that day . Ouch . Do you know how much I 'd have liked to ride my bike to work ? Why not then ? Well , when I got ready to leave , I knew my battery was dead , and of course I didn 't have time to charge it . Of course I should have charged it on any given day for the past month , but truly , every time I had the urge to ride , I was too lazy to open the compartment , unhook the battery , hook up the charger … Are you kidding ? all that stuff would take like a total of 6 minutes . And then I 'd have to wait a couple hours for the battery to charge before I could start the bike . Of course , next time it 'd be ready to ride . But alas … too lazy . So I talked with my student about how strange it is that I would sacrifice the opportunity to do something that I absolutely love to do simply for the quick , easy , effortless preparation to do it . I was assured that this was not terribly abnormal . But I didn 't let the weekend get by without charging my battery and starting my bike . When I took it out of the garage to start it , I realized how nasty dirty it was and so was a bit too embarrassed to ride it until I had time to clean it up . So yesterday , Molly and I drove to the bike shop to look for some cleaning goo to whiten my white walls ( on the tires , no , I didn 't get a haircut ) . Alas , the metric bike shops are all closed on Monday . So we had to decide quickly whether to risk an appearance at the one remaining bike store in town . We assessed our defenses , confidence and fortitude , and drove to the Harley store . Molly was a bit worried , but I was more concerned with possibly feeling like a traitor . As it turned out , everyone at the store was quite cordial , despite the fact that they were being visited by Honda riders . I wasn 't sure if Harley cleaner is actually meant to be used , or if it is only decoration , but I didn 't dare ask . I thought I ' that 's what rod was thinking at 10 : 39 PM Spring is walking through the door . Officially , it 's still another 8 days away , but it is at least in a holding pattern . Just when the bare trees , brown grass and chill winds of another gray morning seem to have overstayed their welcome , a miracle happens . Like baby teeth pushed away , all the oak leaves that have been dangling dead since November drop to the ground to make way for the light green baby leaves that are budding . It seems that overnight , color seeps from everywhere . Today was beautiful , warm Springy day . Molly and I grabbed the camera just before sunset and took a color walk . We snapped 156 pictures between our house and then end of our road ( about 200 yards ) . We returned home because the memory card was full . You probably needn 't worry about spring taking over my blog this year as in years past , but I 'm making no promises . There are scores of unfinished , half - thought blogs littering my computer desktop . It would seem that I 'm incapable of finishing thoughts these days and so my blog sits unchanged for days . For the next few weeks though , the lawns and woods won 't sit unchanged for even a minute as the Dogwoods finish opening and the azaleas burst , and the wisteria begins to drip from the trees and over fences . A sampling of Molly 's and my walk is available for your enjoyment . Last night when I started home from the gym , the moon was just rising . It occurred to me at first glance that the moon is the most beautiful thing . I had to ponder for the rest of the evening whether it was actually a beauty that it contained in itself . After all , it 's just a big round rock in space . It gives off no light of its own , it has no colorful atmosphere , and its complexion is quite pockmarked and scarred . To call it " crater - face " would be no cruel exaggeration . So how is it that a round , gray rock is the most beautiful thing ? The whole " most beautiful thing " thought occurred to me because at that moment of first sighting , it was the only thing I could see , save the roof of the Piggly Wiggly that was serving as a flat , tar - covered horizon out of which the moon was emerging . So it 's just the moon , no terrestrial accessories to spice up the beauty . No , come to think of it there is a diffuse mist causing a soft , out - of - focus glow around the moon that even spills onto the tar horizon of the PW . When I drove down our own street , it had risen above the mist , and shone clear and brightly and unobstructed . Still beautiful , alone in the sky . But wait , by herself , I 'd not see her at all . There 's that sunlight splashing off her face at such an angle as to shadow her top , right corner , and cast shades of designs across her scarred face . When I reached home , she was shining through the trees in the back yard and was more beautiful than before . I realized that she truly is dependent for her beauty . Her beauty is found in her interaction with an infinite array of other beautiful things . It 's a give and take relationship . She causes the tree limbs to shimmer light and cast streams of shadow on the ground . The tree limbs playfully obstruct her visage and create a flirty glance as she peers down . She perches atop a mountain peak , spills reflected sunlight on a lake that illuminates the undersides of trees on the bank , peers between two buildings , shines upon the soft face of beautiful girl illuminating a cheethat 's what rod was thinking at 11 : 41 AM During our flight from Atlanta to Phoenix , I read a few short , silly articles in one of those magazines found in the back of the seat in front of me . One article was a review / advertisement for a book by Daniel Gilbert called , Stumbling on Happiness . His thesis is that people don 't really know what makes them happy . We have dreams and ambitions and plans and desires , but so often when reached or realized , one finds that they tarnish quickly . Apparently , Gilbert believes that regardless of their plans and dreams , people are basically happy with the way things turn out . I 've thought a lot about that for the past few days , and believe that the real purpose of books that make these claims is to encourage people to be content with the hand they are dealt . A quick scan of those around us doesn 't often reveal people who are happy with the hand they 're dealt . It seems to me that these claims are made to cause unhappy , unfulfilled people to believe that their situation is the same as everyone else 's , and everyone else is perfectly fine with it . Get with the program . Be happy like the rest of the world . I don 't buy it . You can 't fool me . Ain 't many people any more happy than I am with the surprises , obstacles , unmet dreams , broken hearts , bad decisions , mistakes , and accidents . Why are emo workouts more common than bodypump ? Why are therapists more in - demand than personal trainers ? It seems closer to reality to state that few people are fulfilled though their dreams are realized , and fewer still when their dreams are dashed or things don 't go as plannedWhat I think I might agree with though , is that it is possible to be content with the hand we are dealt . In fact , I believe that quite often the hand we are dealt is far better than the hand we wished for . I just don 't think many of us have the ability to see that , at least not in time to enjoy the way things are - when they are . Will and I arrived in Flagstaff just before midnight on Friday night . The temperature was 18 degrees Fahrenheit , and the sides othat 's what rod was thinking at 1 : 32 PM
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With the chaos of the last few weeks , I 'm just a little late for her 6 month pictures . . . but what do you do ? During the insanity , she did go in for her 6 month check up and my little bean is 12 lbs 2 oz and 24 inches long . She is in the 3rd percentile for weight and 5th percentile for height . . . and that 's just the way I like her ! She is eating her feet , rolling from her belly to her back , talking ( we swear she says , " Hi ! " ) , eating vegetables and always smiling . I can 't believe 6 months has passed already . Thank goodness she is still so " newborn - like " . . . or it would be even harder to watch her grow . Written by : Diamonds ain 't got nothing on my friends . I can 't believe the outpouring of love and support I have gotten over the last couple weeks . I have had cards coming in almost every day from friends on my " Mommy Blog " on Babycenter . I 've never met these women and yet . . . they love me enough to send cards from all over the country . Gail ( who is also my aunt ) took my trouble makers for two days straight . She has no idea how much I appreciated that . Coby watched all four older kids while Josh and I dealt with Mom 's viewing . She is so great and I don 't think that I will ever be able to repay her for all she 's done for me . McKell and Nanette and sat with my kids all day Saturday while we did funeral stuff . I came home to a clean house , dinner and my laundry folded . The kids had so much fun with them , they wanted me to go away again , just so McKell and Nanette could stay a little longer ! I don 't know what I would have done without them . Lacey came to the viewing and supported me through that time . She also texted me every single day , just to check in and see how things were going . Thank you so much for that . Crystal had only ever met Mom once or twice and still drove down to support me through the funeral . I really appreciate your love , Crys ! Amey and Rachel were friends who 's appearance didn 't shock me at all . These two have been my " right hand women " since high school . I knew I could count on them to show up with smiles and to lighten the mood . I love you girls ! Jessica came and may have cried more than anyone ! : ) I love how much she truly loved Mom . She has been a wonderful friend . Mickey was my fantastic photographer during the grave dedication . She helped me out so much this week , by watching my girls while Josh and I got things done . She fed the entire family that first night and was wonderful in talking with my girls about Grandma being gone . I love you , Mick ! Casey is my " big brother I never wanted " . : ) I love this man and his new little family ( who unfortunately couldn 't come . . . but growing a new baby is a lot of work ! Yay BabyWritten by : I can 't believe how fast the time seems to be going . Yet , at the same time , it seems like I am moving in slow motion . I can 't believe that it 's already been almost a week since we buried Mom . . . but I also can 't believe it 's only been a week . The funeral went really well and of course , the chapel was filled to the brim . Everyone 's talks went great and I think we all honored Mom , the best that we could . She wouldn 't have liked all the crying , but she would have loved the laughter we had , when we talked about her . It still hasn 't hit me like I thought it would . I thought I would cry uncontrollably and not be able to function . For some reason , my mind seems to be protecting me and I continually feel calm about the situation . On one hand , I know that I need to process it and actually begin the grieving process , yet on the other , I am still loving my denial bubble and can 't wait for Mom to get home from her trip . : ) Presley ate green beans for the first time this week . . . I got a glimpse of reality then , that Mom was gone , as I went to call her and tell her all about it . I 'm going to miss our conversations about absolutely nothing and how she ended every phone conversation with " thanks " . . . even if YOU were calling HER for a favor . I had a dream a couple nights after she died , that my baby had died and when we closed the casket , I saw Mom holding the baby in her arms . She has hugging her and had her safe . It really bothered me , because for several days , I just assumed it was Presley in the dream . After talking it over with Brittney , I realized that I didn 't really know for sure . . . I had just assumed it was her , since it was a baby girl . Now , I like to think that the dream meant that Mom was holding our little Angel Baby and taking care of her , until I can . I know that Mom is loving Heaven , surrounded by our Angel Baby and all of her grandchildren that are yet to be . Every single one of those babies is going to be born with a great big smile . . . having had time in Grandma 's arms . This is my talk for Mom 's funeral today . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - When I think of Mom passing , I 'm not sad for any of us . Even though our time with her was far too short , we have the knowledge and understanding that we will be with her again one day . What breaks my heart is how aware I am of the large hole her passing has caused in her grandchildren 's lives . She loved my children , just as much as I did and depending on the day and Avery 's current antics … sometimes she may have loved them more ! She had endless time and patience for all of her grandchildren . Every child deserves to have someone in their life ( other than their parents ) , that they can depend on for anything . Children need that one special person that they can always talk to and ask questions to and know that they will always get an honest answer . They need someone that will reprimand when needed , but who will always follow it up with a hug . They need someone that says , " No , I 'm sorry , I agree with your Mom and you 've had enough candy . " … but then will slip the candy to them , as soon as I turn around . Mom was incredibly close with all of her grandchildren and without even knowing it , they will forever have an empty void in their lives . One day they will all graduate from high school and they won 't realize that seated next to Grandpa on the bench , should have been a woman crying happy tears . One day they will serve missions , or go off to college , or get married and they won 't realize that I am crying , because Mom should have been there to hold me , as I let my child go . One day they will have their own children and they won 't realize that there is a face missing , pressed up against the nursery glass . But I will realize these things . I will never let them forget the amazing woman that raised their father and loved me like her own . I wrote a poem for Mom , but mostly as a reminder for her grandchildren . Your grandma was the kind of woman , Who dealt with everything , with grace , And it 'd be a difficult task to find her , WithWritten by : Patricia Ann Mellor Garrard 1961 ~ 2009 Our loving wife , mom , and grandma returned home to our Heavenly Father Tuesday afternoon , surrounded by her family , after a 7 year courageous fight against cancer . Pat was born January 26 , 1961 in Spanish Fork , UT to LaVelle and Virginia Adams Mellor . She graduated from Orem High School in 1979 . She married her eternal companion , L . James Garrard , in the Manti Temple on March 15 , 1980 . Pat was a member of the LDS Big Canyon Ward . She held many callings in the Primary , Young Women 's and Relief Society Presidency , but her most favorite calling was in the nursery . She will always be their " Grandma Pat . " Mom loved being surrounded by her family and friends . She held a special place in her heart for all of her nieces and nephews . She loved walking around Brighton in the fall , snowmobiling in the winter , planting her flowers in the spring and camping at Potter 's Pond in the summer . She loved to cook for her family , quilt with her friends and will always be famous for her homemade salsa . Mom was the most selfless person we have ever known . We always knew we could count on her for help with anything from babysitting grandkids , cooking meals for neighbors or finding lost items . We love you , Mom . Your courage and your strength have been such an inspiration to us all . We take such comfort in knowing that Families are Forever and that you are having a beautiful reunion in Heaven . Pat is survived by her husband ; children : Josh ( Leeann ) , Cameron ( Brittenay ) , Brittney , Cody ; Grandchildren : Bailey , Ryleigh , Avery , Luke , Presley , Kaylana , Malia , Landon , Carson ; brothers : Dennis ( Barbara ) , Steve ( Cindy ) and sister : June ( Merrill ) Thomas , Mother and Father in - law : Leslie and Janet Garrard and many brother and sister in - laws . Preceded in death by her parents and Son : Jared . The family would like to give a special thanks to the town of Lake Point for all their service , Dr . Xylina Greg , Dr . Anna Beck and hospice services . A Viewing will be held Friday the 22nd from 6 pm to 8 pm at the LDS chapeWritten by : Mom has been steadily declining over the last month . She is on oxygen 24 / 7 , but still fights to breathe . She has been extremely tired and hasn 't been eating very much . This morning something has changed neurologically . Brittney called and said that Mom wouldn 't talk to her , or look at her . She said that Mom wouldn 't , or couldn 't , speak to her . Dad won 't leave her side and has been with her all morning . Please pray for their comfort . I 'll update , as I find out more . Baby girl , please stop growing . You are breaking your Mommy 's heart with how quickly you are changing . You are almost six months old . . . where does the time go ? Today should be Jared 's 27th birthday . I can 't believe how much the family has changed , in the short 3 1 / 2 years since he 's been gone . While we don 't visit the cemetery often , there is never , ever a day that he is not mentioned at least once in our home . We talk about him often and remind the kids that they have a special angel watching over them . While the older kids were in school , we took the youngest two , to say Happy Birthday . This was Presley 's first time at Jared 's grave . Daddy and his little girl . Mommy 's little man . I love that his birthday is the day before Jared 's . He 'll always know the story of his birth and how Uncle Jared sent him to us , the minute he hit Heaven 's gate . I 'll never forget the shock of that day - two weeks after Jared 's funeral - when we found out we were pregnant . I know that it 's my fault ; I asked Jared during his last days to send me a boy . . . who knew he 'd do it right away ? Josh likes sharing memories of his brother , with the kids . Kissing Uncle Jared good - bye Lukey , Baby boy , how are you 3 years old ? It seems like just yesterday we found out that you would be joining our family . I was so nervous and scared to have a little boy . The concept of a boy was completely foreign to me and I was worried that we wouldn 't bond as well as I did with the girls . Little did I know . . . I had nothing to worry about . You 've been my " little man " since the second you were born and I couldn 't love you more . I love watching you grow and change . . . similar to the girls , yet with your own style . You like many " girl " things , because you 've just always done them with your sisters . . . but you also love " boy " things and rough housing with Dad . It 's going to be interesting watching you grow in this house full of estrogen and see how you adapt . I love you , my little man . You make me smile every single day . I love your big brown eyes , seeing your little hands reach up for a hug and the way you say , " Mom , I gotta tell you some - fing ! " Happy birthday , buddy . Love , Mommy This is how it is . It may not be how I like it . . . but it 's how it is . ~ If you get a random day to sleep in . . . no school , no soccer , no reading group . . . the kids will always wake up an hour early . ~ If you finally got flowers to grow and your yard is looking pretty nice , for once . . . your son will pick all the flower petals off the tulips . Not to give them to you , either . . . just to be a booger . ~ If you are having an adult conversation in the mini - van . . . no matter how quiet you are and how loud the radio is . . . the 7 year old will always hear you . ~ If it 's midnight and you have a want . . . no , a need . . . for some chocolate milk . . . the kids will have finished it . ~ If you 've just cleaned out the mini - van . . . someone will puke in it . ~ If you decide to actually get dressed , instead of just rocking the pajama pants you 've worn for 3 days . . . the baby will puke down your back and poop on your lap . ~ Likewise . . . if you 've just changed the sheets on your bed . . . someone will climb into your bed in the middle of the night and pee in it . ~ If you haven 't showered all day and your hair resembles Medusa . . . your neighbor will pick that day to visit . . . and your naked son will answer the door . . . thus ruining your plan to pretend you aren 't home . ~ If it 's something you love . . . someone will break it . ~ If it 's something that shouldn 't have been said . . . one of the kids will repeat it to Grandma . ~ If it 's something that shouldn 't have been seen . . . one of the kids will give an exact description to their teacher . ~ If you tell a " little white lie " . . . one of the kids will be quick to point out your indiscretion . Loudly . ~ If you are feeling pretty good about yourself . . . one of the kids will be quick to remind you that you still have " a big bum . " ~ If you just cleaned the floors . . . someone will track in something . And it will usually stain , too . ~ If one of the children has a doctor 's check up . . . they will usually find some way to injure themselves directly before the appointment . There is nothing I love better , than explaining 3 bruises and bump on their head . . . " Yes , doctor , I know she looWritten by : I am part of a community on babycenter . com that is like no other . We are moms that were due to have babies in January 2009 ( most of us . . . some are honorary January mommies ) . I have become so close with many of them . . . they are some of my best friends . . . whom I 've never met . We supported each other through the crazy months of pregnancy , stupid significant others , scary deliveries , sick babies and every day life . I am blessed to be a part of this group of beautiful , caring , nonjudgemental women . . . called c - mommas . ( Or , if anyone screws with an of us , we 've also been known as the " Mommy Mafia " . . . but those are stories for another day . . . ) Recently , one of the Mommies , Sarah , entered a contest and WON ! She is the new proud owner of a Flip Video Camera ! Needless to say . . . I was shocked when I read her submission . Sometimes , you have no idea how you have touched someone else 's life . . . even when you feel you don 't deserve the kind words . Sarah is a fabulous writer and I am so happy that she won . . . and so happy that I can call her my friend . In 250 words or less , tell us about a mom who has inspired you to be a better mom . Who is a mom who has sustained themselves and has contributed to their family and community ? Who is a mom that has empowered you to be a better mom ? " I am eternally grateful to babycenter . com for introducing me to over 60 mothers [ via the " Confessions " thread on my birth board ] who have shaped me throughout my pregnancy and first - time - motherhood . One of those mothers is named Leeann , and goes by the BBC handle " Leeannimal " . The loving mother of 5 young darlings and one angel baby , Leeann is the quintessential picture of motherhood . From her black bean brownie recipe to her gorgeous calming smile , Leeann possesses everything a child needs to grow up stable , secure , and healthy . She shows me every day that it 's possible to raise honest , hard - working and congenial children , foster a loving and mutually respectful marriage , fulfill part - time job duties , cultivate a sharp and witty sense of humor , and shine with faith in Written by : The Susan G . Komen 5K is tomorrow morning . I can 't wait . I love this day of the year . There are always thousands and thousands of people there . It feels so good to be supporting my most favorite cause with tons of my most favorite people . This year , even Presley is getting in on the action and has a cute new shirt to wear . It 's a little big . . . 2T was the smallest they had . . . peanut barely fits into 3 - 6 months . . . but she 'll be able to wear it for years to come . For another year , I get to race in CELEBRATION of Mom . I 've decided that no matter what happens . . . I will never race in MEMORY of her . I will continue to celebrate all that she is and all that she does . Because of her , I have the five greatest children in the world . I will continue to celebrate that . . . forever . It is especially not a good thing when it is your laptop that is smoking ! Last night I got home from soccer practice and started up my laptop to begin work . I all of a sudden noticed a smell like something was burning . I flipped my laptop over to give it a sniff . . . and out of the back vent was a steady stream of smoke . It scared the crap out of me ! I didn 't know if it was going to burst into flames , or what ! I quickly unplugged it and shut it off . I waited a few minutes and turned it on again , while it wasn 't plugged in . Instantly , the burning smell appeared again . Anyone that reads my blog consistently knows the hell I 've gone through with this Dell laptop . I couldn 't believe right after I dropped $ 180 on a new battery and charge cord . . . it was doing this to me . So , I called Dell and after being on hold for 10 minutes . . . being transferred to someone else . . . being on hold for 45 minutes while she ran to her manager because she didn 't know what the hell to do when I told her that my computer almost started a fire " processed " my information and she comes back with , " Ma ' am are you aware your warranty expired in July of 2008 ? " " Well , yes I am , however I do not think that a computer almost starting a fire is normal , do you ? " " No ma ' am . . . I just wanted to let you know . Let me " process " this . . . " In the end . . . Dell agreed that this wasn 't normal and was probably worried I 'd sue them so they agreed to send me * drum roll , please ! * a brand new laptop . If my laptop isn 't available , there will be a free upgrade . ( Damn right there will . . . 6 power cords , 2 batteries , 2 CD drives and 3 motherboards later . . . I deserve one ! ) Until then , my desktop and I are being reacquainted . It 'll work for now . It 'll have to . When will I get my new laptop ? 7 - 21 daysYikes . ( But it 's freeeeeeeee ! ) We are our own worst critic . I know this and still . . . I end each day feeling like a failure . Did I yell too much ? Did I not play with the kids enough ? Did I make sure they ate enough vegetables ? I should have read them another story . Did they watch too much TV ? Do they know how much I love them ? I should have hugged them more . Did I challenge them enough ? As if that wasn 't enough . . . I 'm not just a Mom . That leads to : I need to call that friend / family member more . I didn 't give work my full attention . I could have studied more . My house could be cleaner . I need to walk the dog . Did I thank that person enough , for all they did for me ? I shouldn 't have eaten that ice - cream . I should have gone to the gym . It 's hard always feeling like you aren 't good enough . Or haven 't done enough . Or could be better . Or could do more . Or could give more . I want to be everything , to everyone . But that 's a lot of pressure . I just one day where I go to sleep , satisfied with my day . Knowing that I did , all that I could do . Well , that long complained about math class is OVER . Hallelujah ! I wanted a C - in the class . I just wanted to pass . I 'm a person that wants A 's in everything , so the fact that I would settle for a C - , tells you how hard this class was for me . Thankfully , I finished with a B . Due to budget cuts ( blah , blah , blah ) summer classes were hard to come by . I had a really hard time fitting classes into Josh 's work schedule . We don 't have anyone to watch the kids when I 'm in school and it seemed that every single class overlapped his work somehow . * sigh * In the end , I am taking Chemistry 1110 on Mondays and Wednesday nights and an online Life Science class . If I keep up my incredibly drawn out , but necessarily slow pace , I will graduate either spring or summer of 2010 , with my associates . That doesn 't mean I 'm done . Not even close - but it 's one degree under my belt and hopefully it will give me the encouragement and strength to continue on . My counselor let me know that I could apply for nursing school now and start fall 2010 . . . but with five children still so young , I just know that I couldn 't give it 110 % . So , probably fall 2012 . By then , I should have my bachelors as well . This had better be worth the stress . Well , I know it will be . I just have to talk myself into it . . . Every . Single . Day . Ryleigh is such a caring little girl . I love to see her interact with her siblings and see how kind she is . Presley sat here for a good 10 minutes listening to Ry read her a story . She 's only in kindergarten but easily reads on an early 2nd grade level . She amazes me every day and I loved watching them out of the corner of my eye . Perhaps she is sparking the love of reading in Presley ? I am a Woman . I cry for no reason and laugh at inappropriate times . I love easily and fiercely . I beat myself up , more often than not and don 't give myself credit , when credit is due . I am lucky to be the Mom to four amazing daughters , one incredible son and one angel in Heaven . I am a nurse in a rehabilitation facility and my patients humble me every single day . I have just as many hopes and dreams , as obstacles . I never know what I want and at the same time , I want it all . I am a Woman . I am ME .
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As I wrote the title of this blog , I realized the Chicago Marathon is only about 5 weeks away ! That 's not where this blog post was going but . . . it 's definitely worth noting ! I cannot wait for it to be over to run my 3rd and final marathon ! But what I really intended when I wrote " 5 weeks " was to talk about how much a certain 5 week period typically sucks . The 5 week period I 'm referring to is the point in marathon training from about the week where you run 16 miles on your long run ( on the novice 1 schedule ) until you run your 20 mile run . That is a 5 week period which , for me anyway , sucks . I 've been hearing a lot of the first time marathon runners that I know complain about tired legs or how their runs having been sucking lately . They are starting to not like running very much anymore . I remember this feeling OH SO WELL ! In fact , even though this is my 3rd and final marathon , I still feel that way . My first marathon training , for the 2011 Chicago Marathon , I remember talking to my personal training ( who had run 7 marathons ) about being so tired . I told him that my pace seemed slower . I remember saying over and over , " After this marathon , I will never run again ! " He told me that this is a completely normal feeling at this point in training . He even felt that way during his marathons . In fact , I 've seemed to feel this way during this same period every marathon training , including this one . Granted , not everyone may feel this way , there are a few running friends that post on our facebook run group page , " I just had the most wonderful 18 mile run ! " I want to trip every single one of them ! lol . But running does come more naturally to some people and maybe those are the people that have " wonderful 18 mile runs " ! So this is my words of wisdom to my first time marathon training friends . It is hard right now . It 's the 5 week slump that we are smack in the middle of ! Hang in there ! It will definitely get better . I always say about this time , " Just make it through the week of the 20 and I 'm golden ! " And there is definitely some truth to that . Running will get more fun again . It won 't seem as much of a chore as it does now . And hey . . . the marathon is only 5 weeks away ! I was thinking of some ways that I get through this 5 week slump . Here are a couple of my ways : 1 . I change up where I run . I 'm never running in the same place twice during one week . I run my long runs in Yankee Woods ( some flat , some hills ) . I run my Thursday runs usually on Old Plank Road Trail ( completely flat and straight ) . I might switch it up to some hills . I might run along the lake . I might run on the streets in my neighbor . But I think changing up where you are running is one of the best things to do for yourself mentally . 2 . Run some runs solo and some runs with people ( if you have the option ) . Running solo is great . You can clear your head . You can depend on just yourself ( which is good because that 's really all you have during the marathon ) . It can be therapeutic . But let 's face it , if you are like me , after an hour of running solo , it can really get to you mentally . So try to find a run group or a run friend that you can run with on occasion . I run about half of my runs solo and half of my runs with other people . Again , it 's the change that 's good and helps break up the monotony of running so many miles . 3 . Run with music sometimes and run without music . Again , I like change . Listening to the same boring playlist all the time for hours can get dull . It 's also not the safest to do if you are running alone . But I like listening to an upbeat , fast tempo playlist while I 'm running . It can take your mind off things for a while . I also run without music during my long runs and my Thursday group runs ( usually ) . I like knowing I can run without music if I have to . Case in point , during my second marathon , I had trouble getting my bluetooth headphone to turn on and had to run the ENTIRE marathon without music . Did I panic a little at first , yes ! Did I hate it for a while , yes ! But I did it . You can 't rely on something like music to be able to get through a really long run , because you never know what will happen on race day ! As far as my running goes , my running has been better than both marathon trainings that I 've done before . Even though I 'm tired , my legs are tired , and running is a chore right now , I feel much better . Knock on wood , my injuries have been holding off . My iron leveled has slightly improved . I 've been working on better hydration over all and better food intake than during my second marathon . I 've been trying to stretch better and foam roll more than during the second marathon training . All of this probably contributed to my injuries . I 'll admit though , it 's easy to get back in old habits of not drinking water and not stretching ! I 'm struggling with this right now . I 've also lost about 8 pounds in the last two months . I know that 's not an ideal thing to do while training for a marathon . And trust me , I 'm sure I won 't lose any more between now and the marathon . There were days I probably needed to eat more food and I felt it . But I tried to eat enough to fuel my body . And when I didn 't , I felt it during my long run . Now that my long runs are . . . well , long ( 18 miles this weekend ) , it more important than ever to make sure you are eating a good amount of food . So I 'm definitely trying to make sure I 'm consuming enough of the right foods on Thursday and Friday preceding my long runs . As I mentioned before , my 18 mile run is this weekend . I am reaching back to my previous 18 mile runs and I 've always had pretty good ones ! I 'm holding that with me while I run my 18 this Saturday ( possibly in the pouring rain from what I 'm hearing ) . I 've also been thinking a lot ( A LOT ) about my marathon strategy . I 'm probably obsessing internally about it and I shouldn 't be . My friend Shelby and I were discussing how to make this marathon our best marathon ( we both ran the same first two ) . We are thinking of starting slower this time than the first two times . Right now , we are thinking of starting at a 10 : 30 pace . I just have a hard time wanting to start slower because I think , " If I start slower , I 'll just keep getting slower ! " I always think that I 'm not going to speed up ! But right now , my best marathon pace average has been an 11 : 11 pace . Ultimately , I want to beat that pace . What I wrote at the beginning of the season was a 4 : 35 finish time . That 's my ultimate goal time . That 's a 10 : 30 average pace . So , I 'm just not sure how to make sure I achieve this time . I guess I 'll never know until I do it . Are you running a marathon this year or have you run one in the past ? Do you have this 5 - week slump the way I do ? How do you cope with getting through it ? The seat had countless water bottles , shoe inserts , my garmin charger ( ? ? ) , and my bra since I changed in the car ( the umbrella has no relation to being a runner . It was raining a day or two before this ) . When I need to drive someone somewhere , it goes something like this . . . " Uh , hold on . . . " While I throw everything to the floor in the back . I 've since cleaned most of that up , by the way . Now on to the fun stuff . . . new stuff ! A few weeks ago , I was one of the winner 's of Maggie 's " Super Awesome Raffle for the American Cancer Society " . I was the # 2 winner and that came with many cool things ! A few of the items I won were . . . Maggie wears the Injinji Toe Socks . I had thought about trying them but never bought any because frankly , they seemed weird and was afraid to spend money on them . Maggie swears by them but what works for one , doesn 't always work for another . But Maggie has some really cute ones in her normal running stash ! So I was super excited ( again ) to win a pair of these to try them out . They were just the normal " generic " kind but that didn 't matter to me . I haven 't worn them on a run yet . I tried them out last week at my bootcamp class and at first , it just felt like I had stuff between my toes ( I guess I did though . . . ) . They didn 't bother me during the workout at all and I forgot I was wearing " different " socks . Maybe I 'll try them on a run this week and see how they go ! The Bani Bands . . . well , I was super excited to win these ( obviously ! ) . Haha ! I guess I was just super excited to win anything ! I finally tried one of them out on my 4 mile run on Sunday because it was raining and thought it would keep my bangs out of my face . It was really comfortable . I messed with it a little in the beginning but after I got used to it being there , it felt good . Never slipped off my head , not once ! Loved it ! Most bands slip right off my head and really never wear any of them for that reason ! The next new thing . . . shoes . I 've been always having trouble finding the " right " shoes . I never worried much about it until starting to train for these marathons . I don 't have great feet ( hello bunions . . . super sexy ) and my arches fall inward . My ankle on the left side tends to fall inward as well ( which is why I need a stability shoe ) , while my right ankle remains neutral ( hence I should really wear a neutral shoe on that foot ) . BUT . . . you can 't buy a stability for one foot and a neutral for the other and therefore , I was fitted for a stability shoe . The shoes I 've been running in lately are Nike . But I 've been all over the map as far as trying different brands of shoes . I knew I didn 't like my Nike enough to want to run 26 . 2 miles in them . So a few weeks ago , I bought a pair of Saucony . It was a horrible shoe shopping day for me and I tried on at least 5 different pairs of shoes ! I went to Road Runner ( where I bought my last pair ) and had 25 % off that day ( for being a VIP member ) . I ended up buying the Saucony pair just to get something , when in reality , I knew I wasn 't going to like them . The good thing about being a VIP member at Road Runner is that you have 90 days to return the shoes . And they tell you to wear them , dirty them up , make sure you like them or don 't like them . . . and then you can return them if you need to ! When I tried the Saucony pair , I wore them for 8 miles and they felt too big and my feet were slipping in them . And by the end of the 8 miles , my ankle and shin were bothering me . I was afraid to try them again and just wanted to return them fast ! The marathon is 6 weeks away and I needed to find my marathon shoes ! This past Friday , I went back to return the Saucony 's and was in and out in 10 minutes ! I ended up with a pair of Brooks that felt pretty light on my feet and really comfortable . They ended up matching the 25 % off I got the first time too ! I decided to wear my Brooks for my long " cutback " run of 12 miles last weekend . I 'm pretty aware that I should start out with a less mileage run for my first time wearing new shoes just in case they don 't work . . . but like I said , I 'm anxious about the marathon being 6 weeks away . Luckily they felt pretty good during my 12 mile run . I 'll wear them for my 9 miles during the week and see how that goes . If that goes well , then I will wear them for my upcoming 18 miles this weekend . . . ( ugh . . . why did I chose long distance running as my sport of choice ? ) . Um . . . they are purple ( bluish - purplish ) too . . . . and purple is my favorite color . I think it 's fate ! Marathon shoes ? Maybe ! And if you didn 't notice , I 'm wearing my CARA shoe tag all the time now too . It has my emergency contact information on it and since dislocating my shoulder while running in July , well , I now realize that I 'm not immune to emergencies ! Better safe than sorry ! ANEMIA AND VITAMIN D Back in May I was diagnosed with anemia and low vitamin D count . My iron level was 22 when the normal range was 45 - 160 . It was affecting my breathing while running ( something about not being able to get oxygen to the lungs ) and I could sometimes only run 1 / 2 mile at a time before having to stop and walk . It was extremely frustrating for me as a runner ! In fact , I ran the Soldier Field 10 miler right after I found out I had anemia and it was a struggle . Read about it here . I was also extremely tired and most days got to work and wondered how I would make it through the day . I was irritable and no fun to be around or talk to . The low vitamin D levels also affect your mood and makes you tired . I was prescribed 3 iron supplements ( 65 mg each ) daily and 2000 IU of vitamin D . With a multivitamin , I was taking over 1100 % of my daily value of iron through supplements alone . I did notice a difference within the first month . But it takes at least 3 months for my levels to really start improving . Within the first month of taking it , I was able to run 4 miles straight again and I was thrilled with that . My pace started improving a little as well . Last Friday was around the 3 month mark from the first round of tests and I was anxious to see what my levels were now ! I figured , taking all that iron , my levels should be through the roof , right ? ? I mean 1100 % not including food ! And with my vitamin D ? Well , taking 2000 IU every day PLUS running in the hot sun ALL summer ! My iron and vitamin D did improve . BUT I 'm still on the low end , although now in the healthy range . That 's good I guess . My iron levels were not through the roof like I thought . My number went from 22 to 65 . People tell me that 's great ! But I keep looking at the normal range which is 45 - 160 . I just don 't understand it . I mean , what do I have to do to get my iron at like 100 ! I read all about how to absorb it better . . . take it with Vitamin C , don 't take it with caffeine , don 't take it with dairy . The Vitamin D I should be taking with dairy . I try to do all these things . I do need , however , to work on getting the foods that contain more iron . My daily value from food is usually only between 50 - 65 % when I track it . But I 'm thinking towards the marathon . I 'm sure my iron level was around the 22 number for my IL Marathon in the spring ( and probably low for the first Chicago Marathon as well ) . And I managed to run it . My friend who is a nurse honestly doesn 't know how I managed to do that AT ALL ! In fact , when I first told her what my iron level was . . . she said " I don 't know how you are able to run at all ! ! " So I 'm thinking ( fingers crossed no more injuries ) that I will make it through the Chicago Marathon with flying colors ! Only about 1 . 5 months left for that ! Bring it on ! ( even though I cried on the last mile of my 16 mile run last week ) . Haha ! We all need to let it out sometimes I think ! I 've been to a physical therapist 5 times for my shoulder . That was more than I anticipated going but since I 'm considered an " athlete " ... ( which makes me chuckle because I consider myself far from it ) , I don 't like to be limited by an injury . I wanted to get my shoulder as healthy and strong as possible . Actually partly so that I can do a few triathlons next year ! My physical therapist told me yesterday that my shoulder and shoulder blade are doing great ! He said whatever I 'm doing . . . keep doing it . My shoulder blade was " winging out " when I was moving my arm . The best way I can describe what it looked like to the therapist was the gills on a fish . He said my shoulder blade is not doing that anymore and is remaining flat against my back ! Yay ! ! The problems I am still having it the pain but he said that is the last thing to go away . He said the first to improve would be range of motion , the second thing would be strength and the last thing would be the pain . But I 'm happy it was improving . I 'm cleared to do any type of strength training I want with a couple exceptions . No pull ups and no wall climbing . So no one ask me to go wall climbing this year ! ! And I 'm done seeing my physical therapist after this week . . . such good news ! He hurts me . . . often ! NEPHEW Ugh . . . my poor nephew can 't catch a break . For those that don 't know about him . . . he 's 17 years old . He recently had minor surgery on his knee for a torn meniscus but found it was unrepairable so more major surgery wasn 't needed . Well , now the poor kid needs another surgery ! As I know he won 't mind me posting this on my blog ( he posts things on his facebook ) , he has a testicular hernia . He 's had symptoms for a few months but hasn 't said anything to us . My brother said . . . " Anything that has to do with that area , tell me right away ! Don 't want trouble for those guys ! " Haha ! My brother . . . Not sure when this surgery will be but I 'm estimating sooner rather than later . He lives in Columbus though and I hate being far away from him when he needs surgery ! ! Maybe I 'll make a trip out there since I was thinking about it anyway . I 'll have to see when his surgery will be first . First , I 'm a bit conflicted . About what ? The weather , or course ! It 's been absolutely fabulous to run with temps in the lower 60 's ( in the morning ) to mid - 70 's ( evening ) . But ( says in a very small voice ) . . . I kinda miss the 80 's ! Where is my summer ! It 's only August ! Now , before you all start beating me over the head and replaying little recordings of me saying how absolutely miserable I was running in June and July , it was in the upper 90 's to about 103 degrees ! I just miss the 80 's ! Can 't we have a happy medium ? ? Ok , that 's about all I have to say about that . Progress : My shoulder is doing pretty well . I have gone to a physical therapist and my range of motion has improved dramatically . But it 's not without pain . My physical therapist told me that the pain is the last thing to improve ( range of motion and stuff will all improve first ) . I was very sad to hear this considering he puts me in a lot of pain while I 'm there . In fact , my therapist ( PT for short to protect the innocent ) , doesn 't really care about my pain at all . PT : " Oh ! This hurts ? Great ! Let 's do it more , deeper and with greater force to see if we can really make those tears come out ! " As long as my shoulder doesn 't feel as though it 's going to pop out of the socket , the pain doesn 't matter to him . It matters to me ! But who cares about me ! But all in all , big improvements . I 'm happy with that . I wish it was 100 % percent better but I 'll take what I can get . My shoulder blade when doing normal arm stuff still isn 't great . It still wings out and doesn 't stay flat . But when I contract it ( example : doing rows ) , it does what it should be doing . Not sure if that will get better with time ? ? Fail : What did I fail at ? ? Actually I got yelled at by PT today . At the end of the session , he wanted to test my arm strength . It 's one of those where you don 't let him move your arm down , out , whatever . . . . I FAILED ! ! MISERABLY ! And it didn 't help that he started making me laugh . It went like this : PT : " Ok . . . start . . . start . . . start . . . start " . . . As he is easily moving my arm down , or out , or whatever direction . Maybe you had to be there . But I chalked it up to the fact that my shoulder and arm was tired from the exercises I had just done and the pain he just put me through . So he decided to try the other side . . . you know , my good side . I thought , " OK this should be MUCH better ! " FAIL ! ! How is that possible ? I 'm really not that weak ! He is appalled at my lack of strength and beat me with a stick . So he wants to incorporate more of that into my exercises . He said to do it once a week . I told him I do . . . sometimes . But it 's very lacking . It 's about 10 minutes and I 'm done . I 'm not sure what once a week is really going to do for me anyway ! But yes , I totally got yelled at . Now wait until he finds out how much weaker my hips are ! I have about ZERO strength there ! Dinner with runner friends : Yesterday I had a mid - season dinner with my Yankee Runner group that I run my long runs with . I didn 't go last year , not sure if I was busy or didn 't really feel I knew people well enough . This year I went and it was a lot of fun . It 's always strange to see runner friends ( who you usually ONLY see in run clothes , sweaty , with their hair up ) looking all nice and fancy ! Afterwards there was a huge raffle with gifts from Turkey Trot entries , boxes of GU , a book , and lots of CARA t - shirts . They even raffled off the remaining cases of beer that we didn 't drink . Before the raffle , a guy named " M " gave me his ticket because he had to leave . Um . . . " M " has had a run crush on me since last training season ( I mean , who doesn 't ? ? I 'm super sexy with sweat all over me and my face is bright red ! ) . . . but I 'm not really interested so I kind of felt bad even taking the ticket from him . I figured if I won with his ticket , I would get something he might want so I could give it to him . And I actually did win with his ticket . . . near the end of the raffle . The only things left were the T - shirts . And only XS and L . I picked the Large but it 's not large enough for him to wear . . . so I guess it 's mine ! Hey ! My intentions were good , right ? Posted by My dad teases me for being a runner ( and being addicted to running , being a crazy runner , etc ) . I know it 's because he is remembering the days that he used to run in his 30 's and competed in 5k 's , 8k 's and 10k 's . He 's only 54 now but his knees and feet don 't want him to run anymore . So he secretly likes me running and loves to tease me . In fact , he said " I bet you will get up at the butt crack of dawn and watch the Olympic Marathon ! " To which , because I 'm stubborn , said , " Actually , I never watch the Olympic Marathon ! " Which is actually true . BUT . . . . that was before I knew people that ran and this year I got invited to a Women 's Olympic Marathon Breakfast Party ! Jealous ? ? I know you are ! I actually watched the start from home at 5 : 00 a . m . then drove to Kelly 's house . It was a fun time and we got to eat some delicious breakfast food ! There was also a game but I didn 't win because apparently I can 't read questions properly that early in the morning ! I don 't drink coffee so my brain was functioning on water and champagne ! What ? ? ? You don 't drink champagne at 5 : 00 am ? ? Well , you should ! Go USA ! ( Top L - R : Kate , Maggie , Amanda C . , Me , Susan . . . Bottom L - R : Sara , Kelly , Nicole ) Also , I 've been doing great on my eating the last 2 weeks . I 'm definitely eating better and not as much crap ( like my favorite . . . ice cream ) . I may be doing a little " too " well though and sometimes have a hard time getting all the calories I should be getting on longer run days . . . I 'm trying to make sure I 'm eating enough good stuff ( hello delicious avocado and peanut butter ! . . . not consumed together ) without using " running a marathon " as an excuse to eat crap . And that doesn 't mean I didn 't go out to breakfast AND dinner on Saturday . . . where I still had hashbrowns ( breakfast ) and delicious chicken fajitas for dinner ! ! Mmmmm . . . . . ! ! ! ! ANYWAY . . . with the exception of today which will be in the 90 's , how about the upcoming weather ! ! I see some upcoming days with highs only in the upper 70 's ! ! My Saturday long run day of 15 miles is one of those days ! I 'm hoping humidity is manageable and I can get a good run in ! It 's been kind of nice that during my runs lately , I have been feeling better ! My 10 miles last weekend went pretty well . I did struggle a bit at times but I managed to push through ! There are some killer hills on the trail I do my long runs at ( at the 4 mile mark , it 's all downhill . . . but it 's a killer coming back up on the way back ! ) . If Kelly reads this post . . . she will know EXACTLY what I 'm talking about ! There are about 3 brutal uphills all in a row and I thought I was going to quit and walk up the last one but I didn 't and before I knew it , I was done with the hills ( at least THOSE hills . . . there are others ) . I 'm also really excited for some of my friends who are training for their first half marathons or full marathons ! It 's exciting to see them thrilled when they have completed their longest distance to date ! I remember thinking I could never do those distances and then I just did them ! In fact people still ask me , " how do you run 16 miles ? " And I can 't really answer them ! I just say , " I don 't know , I just do it . " I tell them you don 't wake up one day and run 16 miles , you train to do it . And I still wake up on a day that I have to run 16 or more miles and think , " How am I going to run 16 miles today ? I don 't think I can do it ! " But I get up and I just do it . Same as 10 miles or 13 miles . I just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving until I 'm done . Can you tell , 16 miles and above must be where I start doubting my ability ! You would think after running 16 + miles as many times as I have , it would get easier ! Since that doctor visit , I had a chiropractor appointment . She looked at my shoulder , did some work on it and gave me some exercises to do . After a few days , I just didn 't feel confident that the exercises that I had were doing much good . I 'm sure they were doing something but I wasn 't sure if I was making the progress I should be making . After some thinking , I decided to contact the physical therapy that is recommended through CARA . The reason I originally didn 't want to go is that my insurance doesn 't cover it 100 % so I didn 't want to be stuck with some large medical bills ( more than I already have from this stupid shoulder injury ) ! But after weighing my options , I thought I can go a couple times , have them look me over , test me out , and give me some good exercises . I want to be as physically healthy as possible and I don 't want to be limited by my shoulder in the future . I went today to the physical therapy appointment . I have to say I feel much better that I went . I feel confident in the tests he gave me and the exercises . Basically , the problem I 'm having most is that my right shoulder blade is not remaining firmly down , it 's overcompensating for the injury and coming outward ( when I 'm lifting my shoulder or doing anything with my arm ) . Also , I need to strengthen the muscles around my shoulder to hold it in place . When you dislocate your shoulder , your tendons and ligaments get torn and stretched out and they really don 't recover . The muscles are what 's going to help to keep my shoulder from re - dislocating . As far as my shoulder blade coming outward . I was laying down and he was lifting my arm up and around , etc . It wasn 't too incredibly sore . Then he did the same thing again and it was much more sore . I told him I didn 't understand why . He said it was because he was holding my shoulder blade down when it was hurting . He wasn 't allowing it to come outward and it was causing me pain . So I have 4 exercises to do right now from him . He also told me to try to make sure I keep my shoulders down when I run since I have a tendency with the injury to hike that right one up . He wants me to also make sure I 'm swinging that arm the normal way I should be while running , which I 'm not sure I 'm doing . So these are the things I will be working on . I am going to another appointment with him next week and I 'll see how that goes . Hope everyone has a nice weekend ! I have to say , this year has not gone as I originally set out . I wrote a whole long list of goals in the beginning of the year of which I 've probably not achieved a single one ( yet ) . In fact , I 'm not even going to look at it right now . What 's the point ? I don 't live in the past . I learn from it . I may have thought those were good goals to shoot for back in January but this has been a slightly crazy year for me and . . . well , plans change . So instead of looking in the past and what " should " or " could " have been , I 've chosen to look to the future . I have some pretty awesome things to look forward to ! I 've been pretty lucky to have met some new and awesome people this year , which is part of what will make the rest of this year awesome ! ( Have I said awesome enough ? ) First , have you been watching the Olympics ? ? What the heck happened to the USA Men 's gymnastics team ! And Japan contesting that score . . . . what an upset for Great Britain ! What an upset for Russia and how amazing was that finish for USA in the Women 's gymnastics finals ! Swimming : Lochte is hot , Phelps was sort of having a rough time until yesterday , Grevers proposed to his girlfriend ( I LOVE THAT ) , Schmitt did awesome winning gold yesterday , etc . . . These are by far my two favorite Summer Olympic sports ! And I 'll confess , I 'm a runner that doesn 't watch much of the running / track events . . . NO ! PLEASE DON ' T STOP READING MY BLOG ! Another thing I have to look forward to is a half I signed up for in September , River Run Half Marathon . I had said I was going to do this half for about 2 months now but I officially signed up . It 's in Cleveland , OH and a friend of mine posted about it in June . I get tired of running races in Chicago sometimes and it 's nice to change it up . This half in Cleveland is the same day as the Chicago Half , September 9th . I have several friends who live in Cleveland and thought . . . " Run a half , visit some friends ! " I initially mentioned it on my run group 's facebook page to see if anyone would want to head there with me . My friend Susan ( who you might remember from running the Rockford Marathon , recap here ) said she wanted to go with me . A few other people contemplated it but are not for sure . So , after signing up , I looked at the course and I think I will really enjoy this half . It seems to be in a nice area , it 's a point to point race ( and we get bused to the start ) , and the elevation decreases from start to finish ( a slightly downhill half ? ? ) . This half also fits in perfectly to my training schedule for the marathon . Ohhhh , the marathon ! The most exciting thing for me to look forward to this year ! I was recently speaking with a " new " friend ( someone I 've known since 7th grade but recently started talking to on facebook . . . and had a crush on in 7th grade and was hugely humiliated at a dance by my friends involving him ! ) . . . um where was I ? ? ? Oh ok . He said that since it 's my 3rd marathon , I should do great because I will know what to expect . Oh he 's so naive ! lol . Little does he know every race ends up turning out completely different than the ones before and you have to expect the unexpected ! But I 'm really excited for the marathon . Again , this training season isn 't quite as I expected ( have to remember the unexpected thing . . . ) but I 'm still confident that I can PR this one . Now I 'm just trying to formulate a plan to help me achieve this goal ! To be determined . . . Another thing that I 'm excited about ? I 've improved my eating and it 's showed on the scale as I 've dropped 4 pounds ! I know you are not supposed to diet while training for a marathon , and I 'm not dieting . I 'm just eating healthier ( most of the time . . . no one 's perfect ) and trying to plan a little more . I 'm making sure I have plenty of healthy options at the house and at work . I 'm trying to plan my lunches a little more ( still need to work on this ) . And I 'm trying to plan my pre - workout snack better . Eating healthy will definitely have a good impact on my running . And starting today , I 'm not drinking pop ( again ) anymore . I stopped in the beginning of the year for about 4 months and then it started creeping back into my life . All good changes to improve myself . I 'm also excited . . . I hope this isn 't a secret . . . but a friend of mine started organizing a team for the Ragnar Relay next year of which I will be a part of ! Typically a team is 12 people each running 3 legs of varying distances from Madison to Chicago . Our team is going to have 9 people each running 4 legs . I 'm super excited for this since I 've wanted to do it for a couple years now ! My name is Amanda . I 'm 35 years old . I originally lost a total of 90 pounds on Weight Watchers starting in May 2007 . I made my goal weight ( for Weight Watchers in June 2010 . I 've since put back on a few pounds and am working to take that back off . I originally started this blog trying to get to my goal weight ( hence the name " Get to Goal " ) . After I reached that goal weight , I wasn 't sure what to do with the blog . Then I realized that I never stop setting goals and trying to acheive them . Therefore , I decided to keep the name of the blog . What origially started at a weight loss / healthy living blog has turned more into a running blog . I started running 5k 's in 2003 but since about 2009 , became more serious about running . I ran my first marathon in Chicago in October , 2011 . I have now run a total of 5 marathons and I ultra 50k . I would love to hear from you . Please leave a comment on my blog or email me with any suggestions or comments !
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As I wrote the title of this blog , I realized the Chicago Marathon is only about 5 weeks away ! That 's not where this blog post was going but . . . it 's definitely worth noting ! I cannot wait for it to be over to run my 3rd and final marathon ! But what I really intended when I wrote " 5 weeks " was to talk about how much a certain 5 week period typically sucks . The 5 week period I 'm referring to is the point in marathon training from about the week where you run 16 miles on your long run ( on the novice 1 schedule ) until you run your 20 mile run . That is a 5 week period which , for me anyway , sucks . I 've been hearing a lot of the first time marathon runners that I know complain about tired legs or how their runs having been sucking lately . They are starting to not like running very much anymore . I remember this feeling OH SO WELL ! In fact , even though this is my 3rd and final marathon , I still feel that way . My first marathon training , for the 2011 Chicago Marathon , I remember talking to my personal training ( who had run 7 marathons ) about being so tired . I told him that my pace seemed slower . I remember saying over and over , " After this marathon , I will never run again ! " He told me that this is a completely normal feeling at this point in training . He even felt that way during his marathons . In fact , I 've seemed to feel this way during this same period every marathon training , including this one . Granted , not everyone may feel this way , there are a few running friends that post on our facebook run group page , " I just had the most wonderful 18 mile run ! " I want to trip every single one of them ! lol . But running does come more naturally to some people and maybe those are the people that have " wonderful 18 mile runs " ! So this is my words of wisdom to my first time marathon training friends . It is hard right now . It 's the 5 week slump that we are smack in the middle of ! Hang in there ! It will definitely get better . I always say about this time , " Just make it through the week of the 20 and I 'm golden ! " And there is definitely some truth to that . Running will get more fun again . It won 't seem as much of a chore as it does now . And hey . . . the marathon is only 5 weeks away ! I was thinking of some ways that I get through this 5 week slump . Here are a couple of my ways : 1 . I change up where I run . I 'm never running in the same place twice during one week . I run my long runs in Yankee Woods ( some flat , some hills ) . I run my Thursday runs usually on Old Plank Road Trail ( completely flat and straight ) . I might switch it up to some hills . I might run along the lake . I might run on the streets in my neighbor . But I think changing up where you are running is one of the best things to do for yourself mentally . 2 . Run some runs solo and some runs with people ( if you have the option ) . Running solo is great . You can clear your head . You can depend on just yourself ( which is good because that 's really all you have during the marathon ) . It can be therapeutic . But let 's face it , if you are like me , after an hour of running solo , it can really get to you mentally . So try to find a run group or a run friend that you can run with on occasion . I run about half of my runs solo and half of my runs with other people . Again , it 's the change that 's good and helps break up the monotony of running so many miles . 3 . Run with music sometimes and run without music . Again , I like change . Listening to the same boring playlist all the time for hours can get dull . It 's also not the safest to do if you are running alone . But I like listening to an upbeat , fast tempo playlist while I 'm running . It can take your mind off things for a while . I also run without music during my long runs and my Thursday group runs ( usually ) . I like knowing I can run without music if I have to . Case in point , during my second marathon , I had trouble getting my bluetooth headphone to turn on and had to run the ENTIRE marathon without music . Did I panic a little at first , yes ! Did I hate it for a while , yes ! But I did it . You can 't rely on something like music to be able to get through a really long run , because you never know what will happen on race day ! As far as my running goes , my running has been better than both marathon trainings that I 've done before . Even though I 'm tired , my legs are tired , and running is a chore right now , I feel much better . Knock on wood , my injuries have been holding off . My iron leveled has slightly improved . I 've been working on better hydration over all and better food intake than during my second marathon . I 've been trying to stretch better and foam roll more than during the second marathon training . All of this probably contributed to my injuries . I 'll admit though , it 's easy to get back in old habits of not drinking water and not stretching ! I 'm struggling with this right now . I 've also lost about 8 pounds in the last two months . I know that 's not an ideal thing to do while training for a marathon . And trust me , I 'm sure I won 't lose any more between now and the marathon . There were days I probably needed to eat more food and I felt it . But I tried to eat enough to fuel my body . And when I didn 't , I felt it during my long run . Now that my long runs are . . . well , long ( 18 miles this weekend ) , it more important than ever to make sure you are eating a good amount of food . So I 'm definitely trying to make sure I 'm consuming enough of the right foods on Thursday and Friday preceding my long runs . As I mentioned before , my 18 mile run is this weekend . I am reaching back to my previous 18 mile runs and I 've always had pretty good ones ! I 'm holding that with me while I run my 18 this Saturday ( possibly in the pouring rain from what I 'm hearing ) . I 've also been thinking a lot ( A LOT ) about my marathon strategy . I 'm probably obsessing internally about it and I shouldn 't be . My friend Shelby and I were discussing how to make this marathon our best marathon ( we both ran the same first two ) . We are thinking of starting slower this time than the first two times . Right now , we are thinking of starting at a 10 : 30 pace . I just have a hard time wanting to start slower because I think , " If I start slower , I 'll just keep getting slower ! " I always think that I 'm not going to speed up ! But right now , my best marathon pace average has been an 11 : 11 pace . Ultimately , I want to beat that pace . What I wrote at the beginning of the season was a 4 : 35 finish time . That 's my ultimate goal time . That 's a 10 : 30 average pace . So , I 'm just not sure how to make sure I achieve this time . I guess I 'll never know until I do it . Are you running a marathon this year or have you run one in the past ? Do you have this 5 - week slump the way I do ? How do you cope with getting through it ? The seat had countless water bottles , shoe inserts , my garmin charger ( ? ? ) , and my bra since I changed in the car ( the umbrella has no relation to being a runner . It was raining a day or two before this ) . When I need to drive someone somewhere , it goes something like this . . . " Uh , hold on . . . " While I throw everything to the floor in the back . I 've since cleaned most of that up , by the way . Now on to the fun stuff . . . new stuff ! A few weeks ago , I was one of the winner 's of Maggie 's " Super Awesome Raffle for the American Cancer Society " . I was the # 2 winner and that came with many cool things ! A few of the items I won were . . . Maggie wears the Injinji Toe Socks . I had thought about trying them but never bought any because frankly , they seemed weird and was afraid to spend money on them . Maggie swears by them but what works for one , doesn 't always work for another . But Maggie has some really cute ones in her normal running stash ! So I was super excited ( again ) to win a pair of these to try them out . They were just the normal " generic " kind but that didn 't matter to me . I haven 't worn them on a run yet . I tried them out last week at my bootcamp class and at first , it just felt like I had stuff between my toes ( I guess I did though . . . ) . They didn 't bother me during the workout at all and I forgot I was wearing " different " socks . Maybe I 'll try them on a run this week and see how they go ! The Bani Bands . . . well , I was super excited to win these ( obviously ! ) . Haha ! I guess I was just super excited to win anything ! I finally tried one of them out on my 4 mile run on Sunday because it was raining and thought it would keep my bangs out of my face . It was really comfortable . I messed with it a little in the beginning but after I got used to it being there , it felt good . Never slipped off my head , not once ! Loved it ! Most bands slip right off my head and really never wear any of them for that reason ! The next new thing . . . shoes . I 've been always having trouble finding the " right " shoes . I never worried much about it until starting to train for these marathons . I don 't have great feet ( hello bunions . . . super sexy ) and my arches fall inward . My ankle on the left side tends to fall inward as well ( which is why I need a stability shoe ) , while my right ankle remains neutral ( hence I should really wear a neutral shoe on that foot ) . BUT . . . you can 't buy a stability for one foot and a neutral for the other and therefore , I was fitted for a stability shoe . The shoes I 've been running in lately are Nike . But I 've been all over the map as far as trying different brands of shoes . I knew I didn 't like my Nike enough to want to run 26 . 2 miles in them . So a few weeks ago , I bought a pair of Saucony . It was a horrible shoe shopping day for me and I tried on at least 5 different pairs of shoes ! I went to Road Runner ( where I bought my last pair ) and had 25 % off that day ( for being a VIP member ) . I ended up buying the Saucony pair just to get something , when in reality , I knew I wasn 't going to like them . The good thing about being a VIP member at Road Runner is that you have 90 days to return the shoes . And they tell you to wear them , dirty them up , make sure you like them or don 't like them . . . and then you can return them if you need to ! When I tried the Saucony pair , I wore them for 8 miles and they felt too big and my feet were slipping in them . And by the end of the 8 miles , my ankle and shin were bothering me . I was afraid to try them again and just wanted to return them fast ! The marathon is 6 weeks away and I needed to find my marathon shoes ! This past Friday , I went back to return the Saucony 's and was in and out in 10 minutes ! I ended up with a pair of Brooks that felt pretty light on my feet and really comfortable . They ended up matching the 25 % off I got the first time too ! I decided to wear my Brooks for my long " cutback " run of 12 miles last weekend . I 'm pretty aware that I should start out with a less mileage run for my first time wearing new shoes just in case they don 't work . . . but like I said , I 'm anxious about the marathon being 6 weeks away . Luckily they felt pretty good during my 12 mile run . I 'll wear them for my 9 miles during the week and see how that goes . If that goes well , then I will wear them for my upcoming 18 miles this weekend . . . ( ugh . . . why did I chose long distance running as my sport of choice ? ) . Um . . . they are purple ( bluish - purplish ) too . . . . and purple is my favorite color . I think it 's fate ! Marathon shoes ? Maybe ! And if you didn 't notice , I 'm wearing my CARA shoe tag all the time now too . It has my emergency contact information on it and since dislocating my shoulder while running in July , well , I now realize that I 'm not immune to emergencies ! Better safe than sorry ! ANEMIA AND VITAMIN D Back in May I was diagnosed with anemia and low vitamin D count . My iron level was 22 when the normal range was 45 - 160 . It was affecting my breathing while running ( something about not being able to get oxygen to the lungs ) and I could sometimes only run 1 / 2 mile at a time before having to stop and walk . It was extremely frustrating for me as a runner ! In fact , I ran the Soldier Field 10 miler right after I found out I had anemia and it was a struggle . Read about it here . I was also extremely tired and most days got to work and wondered how I would make it through the day . I was irritable and no fun to be around or talk to . The low vitamin D levels also affect your mood and makes you tired . I was prescribed 3 iron supplements ( 65 mg each ) daily and 2000 IU of vitamin D . With a multivitamin , I was taking over 1100 % of my daily value of iron through supplements alone . I did notice a difference within the first month . But it takes at least 3 months for my levels to really start improving . Within the first month of taking it , I was able to run 4 miles straight again and I was thrilled with that . My pace started improving a little as well . Last Friday was around the 3 month mark from the first round of tests and I was anxious to see what my levels were now ! I figured , taking all that iron , my levels should be through the roof , right ? ? I mean 1100 % not including food ! And with my vitamin D ? Well , taking 2000 IU every day PLUS running in the hot sun ALL summer ! My iron and vitamin D did improve . BUT I 'm still on the low end , although now in the healthy range . That 's good I guess . My iron levels were not through the roof like I thought . My number went from 22 to 65 . People tell me that 's great ! But I keep looking at the normal range which is 45 - 160 . I just don 't understand it . I mean , what do I have to do to get my iron at like 100 ! I read all about how to absorb it better . . . take it with Vitamin C , don 't take it with caffeine , don 't take it with dairy . The Vitamin D I should be taking with dairy . I try to do all these things . I do need , however , to work on getting the foods that contain more iron . My daily value from food is usually only between 50 - 65 % when I track it . But I 'm thinking towards the marathon . I 'm sure my iron level was around the 22 number for my IL Marathon in the spring ( and probably low for the first Chicago Marathon as well ) . And I managed to run it . My friend who is a nurse honestly doesn 't know how I managed to do that AT ALL ! In fact , when I first told her what my iron level was . . . she said " I don 't know how you are able to run at all ! ! " So I 'm thinking ( fingers crossed no more injuries ) that I will make it through the Chicago Marathon with flying colors ! Only about 1 . 5 months left for that ! Bring it on ! ( even though I cried on the last mile of my 16 mile run last week ) . Haha ! We all need to let it out sometimes I think ! I 've been to a physical therapist 5 times for my shoulder . That was more than I anticipated going but since I 'm considered an " athlete " ... ( which makes me chuckle because I consider myself far from it ) , I don 't like to be limited by an injury . I wanted to get my shoulder as healthy and strong as possible . Actually partly so that I can do a few triathlons next year ! My physical therapist told me yesterday that my shoulder and shoulder blade are doing great ! He said whatever I 'm doing . . . keep doing it . My shoulder blade was " winging out " when I was moving my arm . The best way I can describe what it looked like to the therapist was the gills on a fish . He said my shoulder blade is not doing that anymore and is remaining flat against my back ! Yay ! ! The problems I am still having it the pain but he said that is the last thing to go away . He said the first to improve would be range of motion , the second thing would be strength and the last thing would be the pain . But I 'm happy it was improving . I 'm cleared to do any type of strength training I want with a couple exceptions . No pull ups and no wall climbing . So no one ask me to go wall climbing this year ! ! And I 'm done seeing my physical therapist after this week . . . such good news ! He hurts me . . . often ! NEPHEW Ugh . . . my poor nephew can 't catch a break . For those that don 't know about him . . . he 's 17 years old . He recently had minor surgery on his knee for a torn meniscus but found it was unrepairable so more major surgery wasn 't needed . Well , now the poor kid needs another surgery ! As I know he won 't mind me posting this on my blog ( he posts things on his facebook ) , he has a testicular hernia . He 's had symptoms for a few months but hasn 't said anything to us . My brother said . . . " Anything that has to do with that area , tell me right away ! Don 't want trouble for those guys ! " Haha ! My brother . . . Not sure when this surgery will be but I 'm estimating sooner rather than later . He lives in Columbus though and I hate being far away from him when he needs surgery ! ! Maybe I 'll make a trip out there since I was thinking about it anyway . I 'll have to see when his surgery will be first . First , I 'm a bit conflicted . About what ? The weather , or course ! It 's been absolutely fabulous to run with temps in the lower 60 's ( in the morning ) to mid - 70 's ( evening ) . But ( says in a very small voice ) . . . I kinda miss the 80 's ! Where is my summer ! It 's only August ! Now , before you all start beating me over the head and replaying little recordings of me saying how absolutely miserable I was running in June and July , it was in the upper 90 's to about 103 degrees ! I just miss the 80 's ! Can 't we have a happy medium ? ? Ok , that 's about all I have to say about that . Progress : My shoulder is doing pretty well . I have gone to a physical therapist and my range of motion has improved dramatically . But it 's not without pain . My physical therapist told me that the pain is the last thing to improve ( range of motion and stuff will all improve first ) . I was very sad to hear this considering he puts me in a lot of pain while I 'm there . In fact , my therapist ( PT for short to protect the innocent ) , doesn 't really care about my pain at all . PT : " Oh ! This hurts ? Great ! Let 's do it more , deeper and with greater force to see if we can really make those tears come out ! " As long as my shoulder doesn 't feel as though it 's going to pop out of the socket , the pain doesn 't matter to him . It matters to me ! But who cares about me ! But all in all , big improvements . I 'm happy with that . I wish it was 100 % percent better but I 'll take what I can get . My shoulder blade when doing normal arm stuff still isn 't great . It still wings out and doesn 't stay flat . But when I contract it ( example : doing rows ) , it does what it should be doing . Not sure if that will get better with time ? ? Fail : What did I fail at ? ? Actually I got yelled at by PT today . At the end of the session , he wanted to test my arm strength . It 's one of those where you don 't let him move your arm down , out , whatever . . . . I FAILED ! ! MISERABLY ! And it didn 't help that he started making me laugh . It went like this : PT : " Ok . . . start . . . start . . . start . . . start " . . . As he is easily moving my arm down , or out , or whatever direction . Maybe you had to be there . But I chalked it up to the fact that my shoulder and arm was tired from the exercises I had just done and the pain he just put me through . So he decided to try the other side . . . you know , my good side . I thought , " OK this should be MUCH better ! " FAIL ! ! How is that possible ? I 'm really not that weak ! He is appalled at my lack of strength and beat me with a stick . So he wants to incorporate more of that into my exercises . He said to do it once a week . I told him I do . . . sometimes . But it 's very lacking . It 's about 10 minutes and I 'm done . I 'm not sure what once a week is really going to do for me anyway ! But yes , I totally got yelled at . Now wait until he finds out how much weaker my hips are ! I have about ZERO strength there ! Dinner with runner friends : Yesterday I had a mid - season dinner with my Yankee Runner group that I run my long runs with . I didn 't go last year , not sure if I was busy or didn 't really feel I knew people well enough . This year I went and it was a lot of fun . It 's always strange to see runner friends ( who you usually ONLY see in run clothes , sweaty , with their hair up ) looking all nice and fancy ! Afterwards there was a huge raffle with gifts from Turkey Trot entries , boxes of GU , a book , and lots of CARA t - shirts . They even raffled off the remaining cases of beer that we didn 't drink . Before the raffle , a guy named " M " gave me his ticket because he had to leave . Um . . . " M " has had a run crush on me since last training season ( I mean , who doesn 't ? ? I 'm super sexy with sweat all over me and my face is bright red ! ) . . . but I 'm not really interested so I kind of felt bad even taking the ticket from him . I figured if I won with his ticket , I would get something he might want so I could give it to him . And I actually did win with his ticket . . . near the end of the raffle . The only things left were the T - shirts . And only XS and L . I picked the Large but it 's not large enough for him to wear . . . so I guess it 's mine ! Hey ! My intentions were good , right ? Posted by My dad teases me for being a runner ( and being addicted to running , being a crazy runner , etc ) . I know it 's because he is remembering the days that he used to run in his 30 's and competed in 5k 's , 8k 's and 10k 's . He 's only 54 now but his knees and feet don 't want him to run anymore . So he secretly likes me running and loves to tease me . In fact , he said " I bet you will get up at the butt crack of dawn and watch the Olympic Marathon ! " To which , because I 'm stubborn , said , " Actually , I never watch the Olympic Marathon ! " Which is actually true . BUT . . . . that was before I knew people that ran and this year I got invited to a Women 's Olympic Marathon Breakfast Party ! Jealous ? ? I know you are ! I actually watched the start from home at 5 : 00 a . m . then drove to Kelly 's house . It was a fun time and we got to eat some delicious breakfast food ! There was also a game but I didn 't win because apparently I can 't read questions properly that early in the morning ! I don 't drink coffee so my brain was functioning on water and champagne ! What ? ? ? You don 't drink champagne at 5 : 00 am ? ? Well , you should ! Go USA ! ( Top L - R : Kate , Maggie , Amanda C . , Me , Susan . . . Bottom L - R : Sara , Kelly , Nicole ) Also , I 've been doing great on my eating the last 2 weeks . I 'm definitely eating better and not as much crap ( like my favorite . . . ice cream ) . I may be doing a little " too " well though and sometimes have a hard time getting all the calories I should be getting on longer run days . . . I 'm trying to make sure I 'm eating enough good stuff ( hello delicious avocado and peanut butter ! . . . not consumed together ) without using " running a marathon " as an excuse to eat crap . And that doesn 't mean I didn 't go out to breakfast AND dinner on Saturday . . . where I still had hashbrowns ( breakfast ) and delicious chicken fajitas for dinner ! ! Mmmmm . . . . . ! ! ! ! ANYWAY . . . with the exception of today which will be in the 90 's , how about the upcoming weather ! ! I see some upcoming days with highs only in the upper 70 's ! ! My Saturday long run day of 15 miles is one of those days ! I 'm hoping humidity is manageable and I can get a good run in ! It 's been kind of nice that during my runs lately , I have been feeling better ! My 10 miles last weekend went pretty well . I did struggle a bit at times but I managed to push through ! There are some killer hills on the trail I do my long runs at ( at the 4 mile mark , it 's all downhill . . . but it 's a killer coming back up on the way back ! ) . If Kelly reads this post . . . she will know EXACTLY what I 'm talking about ! There are about 3 brutal uphills all in a row and I thought I was going to quit and walk up the last one but I didn 't and before I knew it , I was done with the hills ( at least THOSE hills . . . there are others ) . I 'm also really excited for some of my friends who are training for their first half marathons or full marathons ! It 's exciting to see them thrilled when they have completed their longest distance to date ! I remember thinking I could never do those distances and then I just did them ! In fact people still ask me , " how do you run 16 miles ? " And I can 't really answer them ! I just say , " I don 't know , I just do it . " I tell them you don 't wake up one day and run 16 miles , you train to do it . And I still wake up on a day that I have to run 16 or more miles and think , " How am I going to run 16 miles today ? I don 't think I can do it ! " But I get up and I just do it . Same as 10 miles or 13 miles . I just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving until I 'm done . Can you tell , 16 miles and above must be where I start doubting my ability ! You would think after running 16 + miles as many times as I have , it would get easier ! Since that doctor visit , I had a chiropractor appointment . She looked at my shoulder , did some work on it and gave me some exercises to do . After a few days , I just didn 't feel confident that the exercises that I had were doing much good . I 'm sure they were doing something but I wasn 't sure if I was making the progress I should be making . After some thinking , I decided to contact the physical therapy that is recommended through CARA . The reason I originally didn 't want to go is that my insurance doesn 't cover it 100 % so I didn 't want to be stuck with some large medical bills ( more than I already have from this stupid shoulder injury ) ! But after weighing my options , I thought I can go a couple times , have them look me over , test me out , and give me some good exercises . I want to be as physically healthy as possible and I don 't want to be limited by my shoulder in the future . I went today to the physical therapy appointment . I have to say I feel much better that I went . I feel confident in the tests he gave me and the exercises . Basically , the problem I 'm having most is that my right shoulder blade is not remaining firmly down , it 's overcompensating for the injury and coming outward ( when I 'm lifting my shoulder or doing anything with my arm ) . Also , I need to strengthen the muscles around my shoulder to hold it in place . When you dislocate your shoulder , your tendons and ligaments get torn and stretched out and they really don 't recover . The muscles are what 's going to help to keep my shoulder from re - dislocating . As far as my shoulder blade coming outward . I was laying down and he was lifting my arm up and around , etc . It wasn 't too incredibly sore . Then he did the same thing again and it was much more sore . I told him I didn 't understand why . He said it was because he was holding my shoulder blade down when it was hurting . He wasn 't allowing it to come outward and it was causing me pain . So I have 4 exercises to do right now from him . He also told me to try to make sure I keep my shoulders down when I run since I have a tendency with the injury to hike that right one up . He wants me to also make sure I 'm swinging that arm the normal way I should be while running , which I 'm not sure I 'm doing . So these are the things I will be working on . I am going to another appointment with him next week and I 'll see how that goes . Hope everyone has a nice weekend ! I have to say , this year has not gone as I originally set out . I wrote a whole long list of goals in the beginning of the year of which I 've probably not achieved a single one ( yet ) . In fact , I 'm not even going to look at it right now . What 's the point ? I don 't live in the past . I learn from it . I may have thought those were good goals to shoot for back in January but this has been a slightly crazy year for me and . . . well , plans change . So instead of looking in the past and what " should " or " could " have been , I 've chosen to look to the future . I have some pretty awesome things to look forward to ! I 've been pretty lucky to have met some new and awesome people this year , which is part of what will make the rest of this year awesome ! ( Have I said awesome enough ? ) First , have you been watching the Olympics ? ? What the heck happened to the USA Men 's gymnastics team ! And Japan contesting that score . . . . what an upset for Great Britain ! What an upset for Russia and how amazing was that finish for USA in the Women 's gymnastics finals ! Swimming : Lochte is hot , Phelps was sort of having a rough time until yesterday , Grevers proposed to his girlfriend ( I LOVE THAT ) , Schmitt did awesome winning gold yesterday , etc . . . These are by far my two favorite Summer Olympic sports ! And I 'll confess , I 'm a runner that doesn 't watch much of the running / track events . . . NO ! PLEASE DON ' T STOP READING MY BLOG ! Another thing I have to look forward to is a half I signed up for in September , River Run Half Marathon . I had said I was going to do this half for about 2 months now but I officially signed up . It 's in Cleveland , OH and a friend of mine posted about it in June . I get tired of running races in Chicago sometimes and it 's nice to change it up . This half in Cleveland is the same day as the Chicago Half , September 9th . I have several friends who live in Cleveland and thought . . . " Run a half , visit some friends ! " I initially mentioned it on my run group 's facebook page to see if anyone would want to head there with me . My friend Susan ( who you might remember from running the Rockford Marathon , recap here ) said she wanted to go with me . A few other people contemplated it but are not for sure . So , after signing up , I looked at the course and I think I will really enjoy this half . It seems to be in a nice area , it 's a point to point race ( and we get bused to the start ) , and the elevation decreases from start to finish ( a slightly downhill half ? ? ) . This half also fits in perfectly to my training schedule for the marathon . Ohhhh , the marathon ! The most exciting thing for me to look forward to this year ! I was recently speaking with a " new " friend ( someone I 've known since 7th grade but recently started talking to on facebook . . . and had a crush on in 7th grade and was hugely humiliated at a dance by my friends involving him ! ) . . . um where was I ? ? ? Oh ok . He said that since it 's my 3rd marathon , I should do great because I will know what to expect . Oh he 's so naive ! lol . Little does he know every race ends up turning out completely different than the ones before and you have to expect the unexpected ! But I 'm really excited for the marathon . Again , this training season isn 't quite as I expected ( have to remember the unexpected thing . . . ) but I 'm still confident that I can PR this one . Now I 'm just trying to formulate a plan to help me achieve this goal ! To be determined . . . Another thing that I 'm excited about ? I 've improved my eating and it 's showed on the scale as I 've dropped 4 pounds ! I know you are not supposed to diet while training for a marathon , and I 'm not dieting . I 'm just eating healthier ( most of the time . . . no one 's perfect ) and trying to plan a little more . I 'm making sure I have plenty of healthy options at the house and at work . I 'm trying to plan my lunches a little more ( still need to work on this ) . And I 'm trying to plan my pre - workout snack better . Eating healthy will definitely have a good impact on my running . And starting today , I 'm not drinking pop ( again ) anymore . I stopped in the beginning of the year for about 4 months and then it started creeping back into my life . All good changes to improve myself . I 'm also excited . . . I hope this isn 't a secret . . . but a friend of mine started organizing a team for the Ragnar Relay next year of which I will be a part of ! Typically a team is 12 people each running 3 legs of varying distances from Madison to Chicago . Our team is going to have 9 people each running 4 legs . I 'm super excited for this since I 've wanted to do it for a couple years now ! My name is Amanda . I 'm 35 years old . I originally lost a total of 90 pounds on Weight Watchers starting in May 2007 . I made my goal weight ( for Weight Watchers in June 2010 . I 've since put back on a few pounds and am working to take that back off . I originally started this blog trying to get to my goal weight ( hence the name " Get to Goal " ) . After I reached that goal weight , I wasn 't sure what to do with the blog . Then I realized that I never stop setting goals and trying to acheive them . Therefore , I decided to keep the name of the blog . What origially started at a weight loss / healthy living blog has turned more into a running blog . I started running 5k 's in 2003 but since about 2009 , became more serious about running . I ran my first marathon in Chicago in October , 2011 . I have now run a total of 5 marathons and I ultra 50k . I would love to hear from you . Please leave a comment on my blog or email me with any suggestions or comments !
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( Synopsis ) Ryder Rodgers had a plan . He was going to stride into the conference room , do the required song and dance over the next five days , and win the biggest contract of his career . But when he walked in and heard the voice of one of his competitors , all his plans were shot to hell . Harper Denton . She was always on top . In college . First in their class . Always using every advantage to edge him out to win the coveted positions . The only one who could beat him . His academic rival . More like a constant thorn in his side . And his ego 's . When he heard her voice , he was brought back to years before . To the bitter taste of being second best . But the woman who meets his gaze is nothing like the drab wallflower he used to know . Hell no . She was all woman now : curves , confidence , and staggering sex appeal . And no doubt , still brilliant . The fact that she 's gorgeous and bright won 't distract him . This time , Ryder 's determined to be the one on top . But not if Harper can help it . As expected , I blew through this novella set in the Sweet Cheeks world . Sweet Cheeks was one of my most favorite books in 2016 , so to say I was highly awaiting the release of this add - on novella , was putting it mildly . We all got the impression in Sweet Cheeks that Saylor 's meddling older brother Ryder had his own story to tell . His actually started thirteen years earlier in college when he finally stole a heated kiss with the girl who constantly challenged him in all his classes . And right after that , she ran out of the room , and he didn 't see her again . Until the moment she walks into the room of other hot shot estimators and realizes that she 's going to be his biggest competition for the bid of a new construction job . Harper has something to prove - not just to Ryder Robert - the boy who she had an immense crush on , but who infuriated her more than anyone else in college . She has to prove to the boys club that a woman can play in the deep end with them . And win . And the only one she sees as a threat to that is Ryder . Second - chance romaLabels : ( Synopsis ) Ever notice that sometimes a guy will do something really stupid , like let the love of his life slip through his fingers ? Yeah . I 'm that guy . But the moment I run into the woman I once loved madly , I 've got one goal and one goal only - a second chance . The plan ? Go big or go home . Fine , at first glance , stripping naked at my ex - girlfriend 's place of work might not seem like the brightest way to win her heart again . But trust me on this count - she always liked me best without any clothes on . And you 've got to play to your strengths when you 're fighting an uphill battle . As a lawyer , I know how to fight , and I 'm prepared to fight hard for her . Because sometimes you need a second chance at first love . He 's the one who got away . . . The nerve of Tyler Nichols to reappear like that at my job , showing off his rock - hard body that drove me wild far too many nights . That man with his knowing grin and mischievous eyes is nothing but a cocky jerk to saunter back into my life . Except , what if he 's not . . . ? I 've tried like hell to forget him , but maybe I 'm cursed to remember the guy I fell madly in love with eight years ago . Lord knows I 'm not over him , so what 's the harm in giving him a week to prove he 's changed in the ways that matter ? It 's time for another Nichols man to fall , and there really is nothing like bearing witness to that . The Hot One is one awesome second - chance love story with all the trademark Lauren Blakely humor , sexiness and romance . Tyler Nichols is living the good life . He 's a wildly successful entertainment lawyer ( his firm represents Nick Hammer , aka Mister Orgasm ) , a doting uncle and a ladies man . But , we know from his appearance in previous books that he 's not tied down to one woman because he gave his heart away years ago , and he foolishly let her go . After running into his former flame in Central Park one day , Tyler takes it as a sign that he 's getting a second chance with Delaney , and he 's not going to waste it . I love this small world that Lauren Blakely has woven . Each new book that she adds to this not - quite - a - series features characters we 've seen before and includes cameos from characters we already know and love . Tyler 's business partner and cousin is Clay , which is the Blakely Book Boyfriend who started it all for me . Delaney 's BFF is Penny , who got her own second chance HEA with Gabriel in The Only One . It was really only a matter of time before these two realized they 've been in the same city for awhile now . Tyler really was a jerk when they were in college , dumping Delaney without an explanation and cutting off all contact with her immediately . It was particularly damaging to Delaney since her track record with men wasn 't the best anyway . Then , Tyler 's extremely hurtful dumping happened , and her life was turned upside down . At least he recognizes his transgressions , and when he sees Delaney , he puts his wooing skills into overdrive . GAH , but I love a man who knows how to grovel . And Tyler gives new meaning to the word . At first I was feeling like Delaney should 've made it harder for him to get back into her good graces , but that feeling passed quickly . Because , Tyler was REALLY good at the wooing . And he didn 't give up after his first and second attempts to just go out for drinks were rebuffed . Tyler learned quickly that he had a lot to make up for , and that trust takes a long time to rebuild after it 's been broken once . Luckily , these two have some wicked chemistry to help grease the wheels . Because of Delaney 's distrust of Tyler and his desire to convince her that he is in it for the long haul and not just instant gratification , it takes them a little while to give into their sexual tension , but I did love the slow burn and the build up . There 's still a few characters in this small world that need their happy yet , and I 'm looking forward to reading those and watching some more couples integrate into the orbit of all the couples that I 've come to adore . She turns her head . And waves . That smile makes me feel like I can do this . Like I can win her heart again . Mine pounds faster as I near her , and it 's not just because I happen to think she 's the most stunning woman I 've ever seen , but because of who she is . There 's that awkwardness again , and I want no part of it today . Like the bungee jumper I am , I lean in and dust a quick kiss on her lips . At first , she freezes . That won 't fucking do at all . My tongue darts out , flicking her top lip . A soft breath escapes her , and she gives in . Her sweet lips linger on mine , sending a charge down my spine . My brain leapfrogs ahead , and I picture scooping her up in my arms , carrying her to a quiet little patch of trees , and kissing her till she begs me to take her home . " I can try to take back the kiss . Want me to , sweet girl ? " I use the term of endearment I once called her . She doesn 't blanch , and that 's a damn good sign . I pencil in a new item on my mental to - do list . Find out how much she likes spanking . I never spanked her in college - just wasn 't part of the repertoire . But judging from her response now , I 'm more determined than ever to find out everything she likes in and out of bed . A # 1 New York Times Bestselling author , Lauren Blakely is known for her contemporary romance style that 's hot , sweet and sexy . She lives in California with her family and has plotted entire novels while walking her dogs . With fourteen New York Times bestsellers , her titles have appeared on the New York Times , USA Today , and Wall Street Journal Bestseller Lists more than seventy - five times , and she 's sold more than 1 . 5 million books . In February she 'll release THE HOT ONE , a standalone contemporary romance . To receive an email when Lauren releases a new book , sign up for her newsletter ! laurenblakely . com / newsletter ( Synopsis ) When Hailey Harper left her family farm to enroll in veterinary school , she had a plan : keep her head down , ace her classes , and most importantly … don 't upset the uncle paying her tuition . Translation ? Don 't piss off his dramatic , self - absorbed daughter , Danica , even if she 's a nightmare to live with . As the drummer of a now - famous rock band , Mike Madden could have any girl he wants . He 's sweet , funny , romantic , talented - and the only guy that 's ever made Hailey 's heart do cartwheels in her chest . The more she gets to know him , the harder she falls , but Hailey knows they can never be more than friends … because Danica wants him back , and she 'll fight dirty to win . Talk about ending a series on the right note . In the fictional rock group The Last Ones to Know , we 've met all the other members of the band . Adam , the lead singer , is the leader of the group . Joel , the rhythm guitarist , is the fun one . Shawn , the lead guitarist , is the brains of the operation . But Mike - Mike Madden , the drummer - he 's the heart . Back in high school , Mike had a girlfriend who was his everything . But , Danica left him for greener pastures . Now that he 's made it big , Danica is back and looking to reconnect with Mike and share his spotlight . Mike , being the sweet guy that he is , gives it a go . I mean , he 's been hung up on her - or rather , the idea of her - for years . But , he didn 't plan on her cousin Hailey being along for the ride . In the history of mean girls , there has never been one more awful than Danica . She is superficial , narcissistic , spoiled and hateful . She entered college just so she could get back together with Mike - not to get an education . But , Hailey , whose family doesn 't have much money , is sent along with Danica to babysit her . Despite what an awful job that is , it comes with some undeniable perks . Her uncle is paying for all of her school expenses . And getting a degree and a good job that will help out her family is all Hailey cares about . So , she puts up with Danica 's constant verbal abuse for the greater good . And Mike puts up with Danica because he feels he owes it to himself to explore this relationship that he has had up on a pedestal for so long . Now , this larger - than - life girl from his memories is back , and he wants to honor them by giving it a real try . Seriously - could Hailey and Mike be any more perfect for one another ? Their martyr complexes are unbelievable . But , that 's the wonderful thing about Havoc - in each other , they find a safe place . Someone around whom they can relax and laugh and be themselves . They can eat pizza , drink beer and play video games . They don 't have to walk on eggshells for fear of setting off a bomb . Their existence in each others ' lives becomMEET THE HERO - MIKE MADDEN Readers fell in love with drummer Mike Madden from the very first book in this series , MAYHEM , when it became clear that he wasn 't like the rest of the guys in the band : Mike never took advantage of the fact that groupies were throwing themselves at his feet ; instead , he was always waiting for " the one . " Mike had his heart broken back in high school , when his band was just starting to pave their way in the music industry , but that never damaged his belief in true love . He was never looking for a one - night stand - he was looking for his future wife , the woman he would spend the rest of his life with . He waited for her through RIOT , he waited for her through CHAOS , and he finally meets her in HAVOC , when he finds Hailey Harper waiting with her cousin outside of his tour bus . At a door near the back corner of the room , my fun - loving cousin marches right up to the first security guard she sees , who also happens to be approximately five zillion times her size , with muscles made of stone and a face to match . " Who do I need to talk to to get backstage ? " At her bossy tone , Muscle - man lifts an eyebrow . " The Easter Bunny ? " " Excuse me ? " " No one 's allowed backstage . " The arms he crosses over his chest warn that he isn 't messing around . " I 'm with Mike , " Danica lies , and after studying her for a moment , Muscle - man laughs . " Sure you are . " " I am ! " When Muscle - man just smiles at her like she 's a petulant child , Danica resorts to acting like one . She demands to see his boss and threatens to get him fired . When that doesn 't work , she resorts to curse words . And when those have no effect , all hell breaks loose . She 's torpedoing her finger into his chest and shouting something about his inbred gene pool when I try to pull her away from him . But Danica is on a rampage , and all my efforts get me is a hard shove that nearly knocks me on my ass . At five - feet tall , one hundred and three pounds , I 'm not exactly in a position to throw my weight around , and I don 't make a second attempt to try . I 'm rubbing my tender collarbone when the security guy picks my assailant up off her feet , and I helplessly follow as he carries her outside . After serving as an armrest for a sweaty gigantor inside the club , after obliterating my eardrums in front of the world 's biggest speakers , after getting knocked around like a bratty child 's toy all night , all I want is to take a hot shower and crawl into my own bed to sleep for a week straight . Instead , I stand on the sidewalk outside of Mayhem , frowning at the furious look on Danica 's face as she glares at the big metal door the security guard just shut behind him . She came here for one thing , and I know she 's not leaving until she gets it . " You didn 't have to push me , " I mutter , and her eyes flare . " You should 've haA resident of South Central Pennsylvania , JAMIE SHAW 's two biggest dreams in life were to be a published author and to be a mom . Now , she 's living both of those dreams and loving every minute of it . When she 's not spending time with her husband and their young son , she 's writing novels with relatable heroines and swoon - worthy leading men . With her MS in Professional Writing and a passion for all things romance , her goal is always to make readers laugh , cry , squirm , curse , and swoon their pants off , all within the span of a single story . She loves interacting with readers , and she always aims to add new names to their book boyfriend lists . Author Links : WEBSITE | FACEBOOK | TWITTER | GOODREADS Royally Screwed was one of the best books I read in 2016 . So , of course Royally Matched was one of my most anticipated reads of 2017 . A book coming with that much excitement - you get nervous before reading it , you know ? What if it doesn 't live up to my expectations ? What if it 's not as good as the first one ? I should 've known better . This is Emma Chase . Royally Matched was absolutely amazing and so heartbreakingly romantic , I swooned on a regular basis . When I wasn 't swooning , I was laughing my head off . As I said - this IS Emma Chase . This should not be a big surprise to you . If you 've read Royally Screwed , you already are familiar with the sort of man Henry is . He 's the fun brother - the wild child , the party animal , the manwhore . And he is now the Crown Prince thanks to his older brother Nicholas . Where he used to live a life free from responsibility and care , now he is forced to buckle down and start preparing to be king some day . And he bloody hates it . Now I have to be the Henry no one wants to hang around with . Serious . Scholarly . Upstanding , even if it kills me - and it definitely might . . . They 're all counting on me . Depending on me . To lead them into the future . To be good . To be . . . King . Sarah is probably the most opposite from Henry as anyone can get . She 's shy , reserved , socially awkward and a virgin . She 's very smart but suffers horribly from several PTSD - like symptoms , so those keep her out of crowds and large social situations . So , when her sister decides to become a contestant on the reality TV dating show being filmed with Henry at the center - Matched : Royal Edition - Sarah decides to accompany her as her assistant in order to get out of a speech at work . My absolute favorite part about this book was the transformation of Henry . In the beginning , he is all about himself . Henry is the person Henry thinks about the most . He enjoys being fawned over by beautiful women and having his pick of the lot . But , Sarah is different . She doesn 't swoon . She doesn 't want to be in the spotlight or to put a princely feather in her cap . Henry can be himself around her . He can be comfortable and relaxed . And her influence in his life starts to change him . His focus turns from himself to the others around him . And when he does that , he realizes that he cares more about Sarah and her feelings than about where the next party is . He starts to become a king . This beautiful , broken , pitiful prince . Was Henry ever told how brilliant he is ? Kind and strong , generous , and good ? I don 't think he was an they should 've told him . Every single day . Sarah went through her own reawakening thanks to Henry . He brought her out of her shell and encouraged her to break the mold - to do different things and really live outside of her books . The way they complimented each other was awesome and so romantic . And the way Henry took care of Sarah - absolutely breathtaking . So , both princes are now permanently attached - I sincerely hope that this is not the end of this series , because I am so in love with it and these characters . Once a shell is broken it can 't be put back together again - not really , not in the same way it was . The cracks will always be there . That 's the Henry Effect . And it 's miraculous . Emma Chase is the New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of the hot and hilarious Tangled series and The Legal Briefs series . Emma lives in New Jersey with her husband , two children and two naughty ( but really cute ) dogs . She has a long - standing love / hate relationship with caffeine . Website : http : / / authoremmachase . com / Facebook : https : / / www . facebook . com / AuthorEmmaChase / ? fref = ts Newsletter : http : / / authoremmachase . com / newsletter / Twitter : https : / / twitter . com / emmachse Goodreads : https : / / www . goodreads . com / author / show / 6551005 . Emma _ Chase Hear ye , hear ye ! ROYALLY MATCHED is FINALLY here ! Check out the trailer and an excerpt here and my review tomorrow ! It 's another 5 - star read from the Queen of RomCom , Emma Chase . As he endeavors to right his wrongs , old words take on whole new meanings for the dashing Prince . Words like , Duty , Honor and most of all - Love . Sarah stands up and presses her lips against mine . And it 's so unexpected , so surprising - I freeze up . But only for a moment . As her mouth gently moves over mine , I begin to thaw . She 's so fucking soft , her taste so very sweet . The kiss is almost chaste - at least it 's the most chaste I 've ever had . Unpracticed . " I 'm distracting you . " She looks up at me uncertainly . From behind those ridiculously prim little glasses with those big , dark eyes that could bring me to my knees . " Is it working ? " Her two lips envelop my lower one , then the upper , all eager , pleasing sweetness . My hands find Sarah 's lower back and I pull her in close , tight against me . Slowly , I open my mouth and she mirrors my movement , opening for me . And it 's good . So very , very good . I delve deeper , kiss her harder - more demanding - taking the lead . I cup her head in my hands , holding her still while I plunge and devour . A moan seeps from her lips and I devour that too . " I 'm sick of being afraid , Henry . And I 'm so tired of being alive . . . but not really living . I 've wanted this for a long time . I want . . . you . " It 's only then that hesitation dims her eyes . " Do you want me too ? " Beneath her robe , her bedclothes are paper thin . I trace my thumbs across her nipples , feeling them harden and peak . I want to suck on them until she 's mindless . I want to lick every inch of her skin and watch her flush with desire . I wrap my arms around Sarah and lift her right off her feet . With a groan , my mouth is back to hers . Her small pretty hands cup my jaw as I carry her toward the bed . I stop against a wall on the way , knocking a frame sideways , lifting her leg in one hand and wrapping it around my hip so I can thrust against her . Emma Chase is the New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of the hot and hilarious Tangled series and The Legal Briefs series . Emma lives in New Jersey with her husband , two children and two naughty ( but really cute ) dogs . She has a long - standing love / hate relationship with caffeine . Website : http : / / authoremmachase . com / Facebook : https : / / www . facebook . com / AuthorEmmaChase / ? fref = ts Newsletter : http : / / authoremmachase . com / newsletter / Twitter : https : / / twitter . com / emmachse Goodreads : https : / / www . goodreads . com / author / show / 6551005 . Emma _ Chase Labels : ( Synopsis ) It 's been ten years since Sasha Keaton left her West Virginia hometown . . . since she escaped the twisted serial killer known as the Groom . Returning to help run her family inn means being whole again , except for one missing piece . The piece that falls into place when Sasha 's threatened - and FBI agent Cole Landis vows to protect her the way he couldn 't a decade ago . Till Death is nothing like any other book by Jennifer L . Armentrout that I 've ever read before , but absolutely no less incredible . The suspense , the mystery , the romance - all are ramped up and on full display for the entirety of the story . I love the characters Jennifer has created here - they 're real and they 're striking . And they 're all going to stay with me for a long while . Sasha Keaton is the girl who lived . No - this isn 't THAT story . A decade ago , She 's the only one who survived The Groom - a serial killer that also ended up dead at the end of the ordeal . But , the damage to Sasha 's psyche was done . Although she had a mother , friends and a budding relationship with an amazing guy , she left West Virginia for Atlanta . But , now her mother needs her help with the family business , so Sasha 's coming home . Her mother and friends are thrilled that she 's home , but none is more happy than that boy she was dating before being kidnapped . Cole Landis has lived his life , having become a local cop and having other relationships , but he never forgot Sasha , and now that she 's back , he 's determined to embrace this second chance with her . But , when women start turning up dead like the first time , and Sasha appears to be on his list once again . But , this time , she has people to lean on and Cole to help take care of her . I promise you - Till Death will grab you , freak you out , give you all the warm fuzzies , and then let you go with the biggest book hangover ever . At its heart , Till Death is an epic second chance love story . Sasha and Cole had a real shot at a relationship before she was kidnapped , and then she left town and it seemed she would never return . Cole had always regretted not being able to protect Sasha from The Groom , but he never had an opportunity to make things right again . Now that Sasha 's back , Cole institutes a full - court press to get her back . It 's so obvious that their connection hasn 't faded even with time and distance . Jen Armentrout is so incredibly good at creating couples with this crazy chemistry . At the heart of whatever she writes is always an epic love story . And yes , the arc in this book is all about The Groom and who he is and who he might kill next . But , the push and pull between Sasha and Cole and their rediscovery of each other and Sasha 's rediscovery of herself - with Cole 's help - is the real magic here . When we talked , we never ran out of things to say , and when he kissed me ? I still remember how crazy he made me feel with just a kiss , as if lighting every cell in my body on fire . Being with Cole had made me feel like I was on the edge of a cliff , more than willing to fall off . I 'd never felt anything like that again . Not even a smidgen . Till Death is told almost entirely from Sasha 's POV . There are a few flashbacks that help explain what happened to her ten years earlier at the hand of The Groom , but most of it is told in present day . We do get a few snippets from The Groom 's POV , which just upped the creepy factor to delicious heights . They were the perfect addition - it wasn 't too much , but rather just the right amount to keep me completely engaged . Although there 's a certain heaviness to Till Death that we don 't usually see in Jen Armentrout 's books , she also gives us some levity in the form of interactions between Sasha and her two BFFs and , especially , the progression of her newly rekindled relationship with Cole . Those moments of tenderness , sweetness , and most certainly sexiness , were blended with the mystery and suspense to make the perfect story designed to keep you on the edge of your seat and swooning from extreme feels . I absolutely loved everything about Till Death . Labels : It 's been a long time since I 've read a book like Wintersong . Actually - I 'm not sure I ever have read a book quite like this before . Read on to see what I mean then enter to win a copy of Wintersong ! All her life , nineteen - year - old Liesl has heard tales of the beautiful , mysterious Goblin King . He is the Lord of Mischief , the Ruler Underground , and the muse around which her music is composed . Yet , as Liesl helps shoulder the burden of running her family 's inn , her dreams of composition and childish fancies about the Goblin King must be set aside in favor of more practical concerns . But when her sister Käthe is taken by the goblins , Liesl journeys to their realm to rescue her sister and return her to the world above . The Goblin King agrees to let Käthe go - for a price . The life of a maiden must be given to the land , in accordance with the old laws . A life for a life , he says . Without sacrifice , nothing good can grow . Without death , there can be no rebirth . In exchange for her sister 's freedom , Liesl offers her hand in marriage to the Goblin King . He accepts . Down in the Underground , Liesl discovers that the Goblin King still inspires her - musically , physically , emotionally . Yet even as her talent blossoms , Liesl 's life is slowly fading away , the price she paid for becoming the Goblin King 's bride . As the two of them grow closer , they must learn just what it is they are each willing to sacrifice : her life , her music , or the end of the world . I love retellings . Seeing how authors create their own spin on familiar stories and picking out the similarities and the differences is thrilling . Lately , we 've seen many of the classic fairy tales and Disney - fied stories made into wonderfully angsty YA books . But never have I seen anyone who tried to retell the Labyrinth . Me - SOLD . Instead of David Bowie 's Jareth , we get an ageless , nameless Goblin King who needs a new bride from time to time in order for spring to keep showing up on the Earth above . He sets his sights on Kathe , a vapid , materialistic beauty from a small German village . But her older sister Elisabeth has something to say about that . In place of Jennifer Connelly 's Sarah is Elisabeth , the plain jane on - her - way - to - being - a - spinster girl who fades into the background as she takes care of everyone around her , including her sister and younger brother Josef . The one thing that is hers is her music . She 's a brilliant composer and plays several instruments . Elisabeth convinces The Goblin King to let her take Kathe 's place , and she joins him in the underworld forever . S . Jae - Jones is a beautiful writer . Music plays a major theme in Wintersong - it 's the common thread that binds Elisabeth and The Goblin King together . The words on the pages flow like music on the air . It 's lilting and prosaic and so colorful and vibrant . It was so easy to feel all the emotions of the characters - and there were a lot of emotions to be felt . The Goblin King had walked into the tiny room of my life and upended its contents . I was left picking up the pieces , struggling to fit them back together into one semblance of what I had known before . M life was divided into two neat and perfect halves : Before and After . Elisabeth goes from exuberant and joyful to grief - stricken and despondent and back again , depending on her interactions with The Goblin King . The Goblin King is hopeful that his marriage to Elisabeth will result in some actually feelings on his part and that she might awaken his boring life . And then there was the romance . Some scenes between Elisabeth and The Goblin King were seriously sexy . And I could feel it all in the words S . Jae - Jones gave us . Truthfully , there were times when I felt a little like I was slogging through all those beautiful words . They seemed to slow the story down from time to time Also , I should say I wasn 't crazy about the ending . I 'm a sucker for traditional HEAs , and while some might view the ending of Wintersong as one , I definitely was looking for more . Despite that , Wintersong was an interesting retelling of a story I love . I 'll definitely be looking for more from S . Jae - Jones in the future . S . Jae - Jones , called JJ , is an artist , an adrenaline junkie , and the author of Wintersong , forthcoming from Thomas Dunne in February 2017 . Charles Wolf Blackwood likes the game . He likes chasing a new girl every week , loves seducing them and earning their trust . He doesn 't like to keep them . Nazarea Andrews ( N to almost everyone ) is an avid reader and tends to write the stories she wants to read . Which means she writes everything from zombies and dystopia to contemporary love stories . When not writing , she can most often be found driving her kids to practice and burning dinner while she reads , or binging watching TV shows on Netflix . N loves chocolate , wine , and coffee almost as much as she loves books , but not quite as much as she loves her kids . She lives in south Georgia with her husband , daughters , spoiled cat and overgrown dog . She is the author of World Without End series , Neverland Found , Edge of the Falls , and The University of Branton Series . Stop by her twitter ( @ NazareaAndrews ) and tell her what fantastic book she should read next . ( Synopsis ) I 've made every one of my billions of dollars myself - I 'm calculating , astute and the best at what I do . It takes drive and dedication to build what I have . And it leaves no time for love or girlfriends or relationships . But don 't get me wrong , I 'm not a monk . I understand the attention and focus it takes to seduce a beautiful woman . They 're the same skills I use to close business deals . But one night is where it begins and ends . I 'm not the guy who sends flowers . I 'm not the guy who calls the next day . Sam Shaw is the ultimate reluctant billionaire . After being orphaned at age 12 and then thrust into the system , Sam had to learn the hard way to cherish every possession you had , because you never knew when it could be taken away from you . Even though he 's become incredibly successful and wealthy , He doesn 't live like it . He owns a beautiful new home on Park Avenue , but the only furniture in it is a thrift store couch and a mattress on the floor . After his best friend convinces him to at least buy some art to put on the walls ( it 's a good investment , and therefore not frivolous , so it 's okay with Sam ) , Sam ends up at Grace Astor Fine Art and is immediately taken with Grace Astor , herself . He initially just wants to get her in his bed , but after he finally succeeds at that , he 's shocked to find that he wants her there again . And again . And again . Although they were raised very differently , Grace and Sam have a lot in common . Even though her parents are rich , she doesn 't think that extends to her . She believes she has to work hard to get what she wants and not to take handouts from others . She opened her own art gallery with her own money that she made . Even though it 's not a job for the New York socialite elite , she does what makes her happy . Rich , pretentious men that her parents throw at her are not what make her happy , so she avoids dating suits and instead gravitates toward the artistic , creative sorts who need her help and encouragement in order to flourish . Unfortunately , this also means she gets screwed over a lot . Both Sam and Grace have money ( well , Grace 's family has money ) , but it 's nice that , for once , their money isn 't a barrier to their relationship . No - their problems are far deeper than that . Between Sam 's fear of abandonment and Grace distrusting Sam 's overall character , they both had a lot of work to do . Their relationship progressed at a very believable pace . It 's very clear in the beginning that they were hot for each other because of how they looked and because of this raw , exciting chemistry that always was present between them . But beyond that , it took a lot of conversations and time spent together in order to slowly break down their walls . And it was definitely a gradual process . Trust is earned over time , and that 's a lesson both Grace and Sam had to learn . But , their times together were sweet and poignant , as well as sexy as all get out . There was a lot of talk about art and their pasts and their futures and how - or if - they fit in . Since Grace is Harper 's BFF from The King of Wall Street , we had a chance to catch up with Max and Harper and their kids , which was so much fun . Seeing them through Sam 's jaded eyes was heartbreaking and wonderful at the same time . I thoroughly enjoyed reading about Sam and Grace finding each other and learning more about themselves in the process . USA Today bestselling author , Louise Bay writes sexy , contemporary romance novels - the kind she likes to read . Her books include the novels Hopeful , The Empire State Series , Parisian Nights , Promised Nights , Indigo Nights and King of Wall Street . Ruined by bonk - busters and sexy mini - series of the eighties Louise loves all things sexy and romantic . There 's not enough of it in real life so she disappears into the fictional worlds in books and films . Louise loves the rain , the West Wing , London , days when she doesn 't have to wear make - up , being on her own , being with friends , elephants and champagne . She loves to hear from readers so get in touch ! Connect with Louise : ( Synopsis ) My FallenCon agenda is simple : sit on a couple of panels and let people meet the real me . Jesse Garvy - mod of a famous Twitch channel and , if I ever come out of my shell , future vlogger . I definitely didn 't plan to sleep with a moody tattooed fan - artist , but he 's gorgeous and can 't keep his hands off me . There 's a first time for everything , and my first time with a guy turns out to be the hottest experience of my life . But the next day , I find out my moody fan - artist is Ian Larsen AKA Cherry - someone I 've known online for years . And he 'd known exactly who I was while shoving me up against that wall . Before I figure out whether to be pissed or flattered , the con ends . Now we 're back online , and he 's acting like nothing happened . But despite the distance between us , and the way he clings to the safety of his online persona , we made a real connection that night . I don 't plan to let him forget . It was so easy to fall completely in love with these two boys , and subsequently , this book . There was so much to read about - so many different layers to get through . Their relationship certainly wasn 't easy , but honestly , that was the best part . The best things come to those who work hard . We 've met both Ian and Jesse in both Strong Signal and Fast Connection , although prior to this book , we knew them both by their gamer names - Cherrycakes and Garvy . It seemed in previous books that they played off each other with Cherry playing good copy and Garvy playing bad cop . Hard Wired is absolutely a study in how people are rarely what they seem to be on the surface or online , and that has never been more apparent than when Ian and Jesse meet in person at a con . Jesse is just coming into his sexuality and realizing who he really is , while Ian has known all of that about himself for quite some time . It 's Ian 's sexual orientation , along with his art and his dislike of strangers and large crowds that has caused him to adopt different personas in order to deal with the people he meets - Cherry is his online mod persona who is happy and bubbly and Cerise is his artist persona who is broody and confident and wildly talented . He 's been someone else for so long , he has forgotten who just Ian is . It takes Jesse to remind him . I did owe him . A lot more than an admission that he 'd already pieced together . I owed him pure , unadulterated Ian - all the weird parts of myself and not the fragments that I tended to show to specific audiences . But , that 's part of the problem . Ian initially buries himself in his art and in his games to escape from his life and the people in it . He doesn 't think very highly of himself and doesn 't think of himself as lovable . Jesse Garvy gets uncomfortably close to the heart of who Ian really is , and that scares the crap out of him . Even more unnerving is that Jesse really , REALLY likes who he sees . " You 're talented and smart and so beautiful . Sometimes I wonder if I could ever be enough for you , or us together , if you don 't even see your own value . . . when your value is infinity plus infinity greater than mine . " Jesse is determined to bring Ian out of his shell , though he doesn 't know how to go about doing that . There 's a lot of false starts and stops between the two of them as they learn about each other and each other 's limitations . It 's definitely not easy , and it 's not always pleasant either . Jesse , in particular , feels a lot like a fish out of water when it comes to Ian . He thinks it should be easy to just be who you are , but Ian has learned the hard way that who you are sometimes gets you in serious trouble . It 's hard for Jesse to know what to do with Ian and vice versa . Every conversation with Ian was another puzzle piece . I 'd see enough to know Ian was someone I wanted in my life . I just hoped he felt the same . The one place where they seem to know exactly what to do with each other is in the bedroom . Holy moly . As only Megan Erickson and Santino Hassell can , the sexual connection between Jesse and Ian was incredible . They never had problems connecting in that way , and as the book went on , it only got better . Even when they were separated by many miles and states - seriously , after reading this series , I know that Skype sex is a seriously hot thing . Buckle your seat belt for a ride of feels . Hard Wired is told in dual POV , so we get all the angst , all the emotion and all the frustration times two . Santino Hassell and Megan Erickson are an incredible writing pair , though . Their transitions are flawless and their voices are so strong . It 's one of my favorite parts of this series . And , luckily , it seems like the series will continue , as we met a few new characters that definitely seem to have a story to tell . Megan Erickson is a USA Today bestselling author of romance that sizzles . Her books have a touch of nerd , a dash of humor , and always have a happily ever after . A former journalist , she switched to fiction when she decided she liked writing her own endings better . She lives in Pennsylvania with her very own nerdy husband and two kids . Although rather fun - sized , she 's been told she has a full - sized personality . When Megan isn 't writing , she 's either lounging with her two cats named after John Hughes characters or … thinking about writing . Website : http : / / meganerickson . org / Facebook : https : / / www . facebook . com / authormeganerickson Twitter : https : / / twitter . com / MeganErickson _ Goodreads : https : / / www . goodreads . com / author / show / 6879435 . Megan _ Erickson Amazon : http : / / www . amazon . com / Megan - Erickson / e / B00AWD8MHS / ref = sr _ tc _ 2 _ 0 ? qid = 1454466025 & sr = 8 - 2 - ent FB Group : https : / / www . facebook . com / groups / 1440306062901719 / Santino Hassell was raised by a conservative family , but he was anything but traditional . He grew up to be a smart - mouthed , school cutting grunge kid , then a transient twenty - something , and eventually transformed into an unlikely romance author . Santino writes queer romance that is heavily influenced by the gritty , urban landscape of New York City , his belief that human relationships are complex and flawed , and his own life experiences .
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( Synopsis ) Ryder Rodgers had a plan . He was going to stride into the conference room , do the required song and dance over the next five days , and win the biggest contract of his career . But when he walked in and heard the voice of one of his competitors , all his plans were shot to hell . Harper Denton . She was always on top . In college . First in their class . Always using every advantage to edge him out to win the coveted positions . The only one who could beat him . His academic rival . More like a constant thorn in his side . And his ego 's . When he heard her voice , he was brought back to years before . To the bitter taste of being second best . But the woman who meets his gaze is nothing like the drab wallflower he used to know . Hell no . She was all woman now : curves , confidence , and staggering sex appeal . And no doubt , still brilliant . The fact that she 's gorgeous and bright won 't distract him . This time , Ryder 's determined to be the one on top . But not if Harper can help it . As expected , I blew through this novella set in the Sweet Cheeks world . Sweet Cheeks was one of my most favorite books in 2016 , so to say I was highly awaiting the release of this add - on novella , was putting it mildly . We all got the impression in Sweet Cheeks that Saylor 's meddling older brother Ryder had his own story to tell . His actually started thirteen years earlier in college when he finally stole a heated kiss with the girl who constantly challenged him in all his classes . And right after that , she ran out of the room , and he didn 't see her again . Until the moment she walks into the room of other hot shot estimators and realizes that she 's going to be his biggest competition for the bid of a new construction job . Harper has something to prove - not just to Ryder Robert - the boy who she had an immense crush on , but who infuriated her more than anyone else in college . She has to prove to the boys club that a woman can play in the deep end with them . And win . And the only one she sees as a threat to that is Ryder . Second - chance romaLabels : ( Synopsis ) Ever notice that sometimes a guy will do something really stupid , like let the love of his life slip through his fingers ? Yeah . I 'm that guy . But the moment I run into the woman I once loved madly , I 've got one goal and one goal only - a second chance . The plan ? Go big or go home . Fine , at first glance , stripping naked at my ex - girlfriend 's place of work might not seem like the brightest way to win her heart again . But trust me on this count - she always liked me best without any clothes on . And you 've got to play to your strengths when you 're fighting an uphill battle . As a lawyer , I know how to fight , and I 'm prepared to fight hard for her . Because sometimes you need a second chance at first love . He 's the one who got away . . . The nerve of Tyler Nichols to reappear like that at my job , showing off his rock - hard body that drove me wild far too many nights . That man with his knowing grin and mischievous eyes is nothing but a cocky jerk to saunter back into my life . Except , what if he 's not . . . ? I 've tried like hell to forget him , but maybe I 'm cursed to remember the guy I fell madly in love with eight years ago . Lord knows I 'm not over him , so what 's the harm in giving him a week to prove he 's changed in the ways that matter ? It 's time for another Nichols man to fall , and there really is nothing like bearing witness to that . The Hot One is one awesome second - chance love story with all the trademark Lauren Blakely humor , sexiness and romance . Tyler Nichols is living the good life . He 's a wildly successful entertainment lawyer ( his firm represents Nick Hammer , aka Mister Orgasm ) , a doting uncle and a ladies man . But , we know from his appearance in previous books that he 's not tied down to one woman because he gave his heart away years ago , and he foolishly let her go . After running into his former flame in Central Park one day , Tyler takes it as a sign that he 's getting a second chance with Delaney , and he 's not going to waste it . I love this small world that Lauren Blakely has woven . Each new book that she adds to this not - quite - a - series features characters we 've seen before and includes cameos from characters we already know and love . Tyler 's business partner and cousin is Clay , which is the Blakely Book Boyfriend who started it all for me . Delaney 's BFF is Penny , who got her own second chance HEA with Gabriel in The Only One . It was really only a matter of time before these two realized they 've been in the same city for awhile now . Tyler really was a jerk when they were in college , dumping Delaney without an explanation and cutting off all contact with her immediately . It was particularly damaging to Delaney since her track record with men wasn 't the best anyway . Then , Tyler 's extremely hurtful dumping happened , and her life was turned upside down . At least he recognizes his transgressions , and when he sees Delaney , he puts his wooing skills into overdrive . GAH , but I love a man who knows how to grovel . And Tyler gives new meaning to the word . At first I was feeling like Delaney should 've made it harder for him to get back into her good graces , but that feeling passed quickly . Because , Tyler was REALLY good at the wooing . And he didn 't give up after his first and second attempts to just go out for drinks were rebuffed . Tyler learned quickly that he had a lot to make up for , and that trust takes a long time to rebuild after it 's been broken once . Luckily , these two have some wicked chemistry to help grease the wheels . Because of Delaney 's distrust of Tyler and his desire to convince her that he is in it for the long haul and not just instant gratification , it takes them a little while to give into their sexual tension , but I did love the slow burn and the build up . There 's still a few characters in this small world that need their happy yet , and I 'm looking forward to reading those and watching some more couples integrate into the orbit of all the couples that I 've come to adore . She turns her head . And waves . That smile makes me feel like I can do this . Like I can win her heart again . Mine pounds faster as I near her , and it 's not just because I happen to think she 's the most stunning woman I 've ever seen , but because of who she is . There 's that awkwardness again , and I want no part of it today . Like the bungee jumper I am , I lean in and dust a quick kiss on her lips . At first , she freezes . That won 't fucking do at all . My tongue darts out , flicking her top lip . A soft breath escapes her , and she gives in . Her sweet lips linger on mine , sending a charge down my spine . My brain leapfrogs ahead , and I picture scooping her up in my arms , carrying her to a quiet little patch of trees , and kissing her till she begs me to take her home . " I can try to take back the kiss . Want me to , sweet girl ? " I use the term of endearment I once called her . She doesn 't blanch , and that 's a damn good sign . I pencil in a new item on my mental to - do list . Find out how much she likes spanking . I never spanked her in college - just wasn 't part of the repertoire . But judging from her response now , I 'm more determined than ever to find out everything she likes in and out of bed . A # 1 New York Times Bestselling author , Lauren Blakely is known for her contemporary romance style that 's hot , sweet and sexy . She lives in California with her family and has plotted entire novels while walking her dogs . With fourteen New York Times bestsellers , her titles have appeared on the New York Times , USA Today , and Wall Street Journal Bestseller Lists more than seventy - five times , and she 's sold more than 1 . 5 million books . In February she 'll release THE HOT ONE , a standalone contemporary romance . To receive an email when Lauren releases a new book , sign up for her newsletter ! laurenblakely . com / newsletter ( Synopsis ) When Hailey Harper left her family farm to enroll in veterinary school , she had a plan : keep her head down , ace her classes , and most importantly … don 't upset the uncle paying her tuition . Translation ? Don 't piss off his dramatic , self - absorbed daughter , Danica , even if she 's a nightmare to live with . As the drummer of a now - famous rock band , Mike Madden could have any girl he wants . He 's sweet , funny , romantic , talented - and the only guy that 's ever made Hailey 's heart do cartwheels in her chest . The more she gets to know him , the harder she falls , but Hailey knows they can never be more than friends … because Danica wants him back , and she 'll fight dirty to win . Talk about ending a series on the right note . In the fictional rock group The Last Ones to Know , we 've met all the other members of the band . Adam , the lead singer , is the leader of the group . Joel , the rhythm guitarist , is the fun one . Shawn , the lead guitarist , is the brains of the operation . But Mike - Mike Madden , the drummer - he 's the heart . Back in high school , Mike had a girlfriend who was his everything . But , Danica left him for greener pastures . Now that he 's made it big , Danica is back and looking to reconnect with Mike and share his spotlight . Mike , being the sweet guy that he is , gives it a go . I mean , he 's been hung up on her - or rather , the idea of her - for years . But , he didn 't plan on her cousin Hailey being along for the ride . In the history of mean girls , there has never been one more awful than Danica . She is superficial , narcissistic , spoiled and hateful . She entered college just so she could get back together with Mike - not to get an education . But , Hailey , whose family doesn 't have much money , is sent along with Danica to babysit her . Despite what an awful job that is , it comes with some undeniable perks . Her uncle is paying for all of her school expenses . And getting a degree and a good job that will help out her family is all Hailey cares about . So , she puts up with Danica 's constant verbal abuse for the greater good . And Mike puts up with Danica because he feels he owes it to himself to explore this relationship that he has had up on a pedestal for so long . Now , this larger - than - life girl from his memories is back , and he wants to honor them by giving it a real try . Seriously - could Hailey and Mike be any more perfect for one another ? Their martyr complexes are unbelievable . But , that 's the wonderful thing about Havoc - in each other , they find a safe place . Someone around whom they can relax and laugh and be themselves . They can eat pizza , drink beer and play video games . They don 't have to walk on eggshells for fear of setting off a bomb . Their existence in each others ' lives becomMEET THE HERO - MIKE MADDEN Readers fell in love with drummer Mike Madden from the very first book in this series , MAYHEM , when it became clear that he wasn 't like the rest of the guys in the band : Mike never took advantage of the fact that groupies were throwing themselves at his feet ; instead , he was always waiting for " the one . " Mike had his heart broken back in high school , when his band was just starting to pave their way in the music industry , but that never damaged his belief in true love . He was never looking for a one - night stand - he was looking for his future wife , the woman he would spend the rest of his life with . He waited for her through RIOT , he waited for her through CHAOS , and he finally meets her in HAVOC , when he finds Hailey Harper waiting with her cousin outside of his tour bus . At a door near the back corner of the room , my fun - loving cousin marches right up to the first security guard she sees , who also happens to be approximately five zillion times her size , with muscles made of stone and a face to match . " Who do I need to talk to to get backstage ? " At her bossy tone , Muscle - man lifts an eyebrow . " The Easter Bunny ? " " Excuse me ? " " No one 's allowed backstage . " The arms he crosses over his chest warn that he isn 't messing around . " I 'm with Mike , " Danica lies , and after studying her for a moment , Muscle - man laughs . " Sure you are . " " I am ! " When Muscle - man just smiles at her like she 's a petulant child , Danica resorts to acting like one . She demands to see his boss and threatens to get him fired . When that doesn 't work , she resorts to curse words . And when those have no effect , all hell breaks loose . She 's torpedoing her finger into his chest and shouting something about his inbred gene pool when I try to pull her away from him . But Danica is on a rampage , and all my efforts get me is a hard shove that nearly knocks me on my ass . At five - feet tall , one hundred and three pounds , I 'm not exactly in a position to throw my weight around , and I don 't make a second attempt to try . I 'm rubbing my tender collarbone when the security guy picks my assailant up off her feet , and I helplessly follow as he carries her outside . After serving as an armrest for a sweaty gigantor inside the club , after obliterating my eardrums in front of the world 's biggest speakers , after getting knocked around like a bratty child 's toy all night , all I want is to take a hot shower and crawl into my own bed to sleep for a week straight . Instead , I stand on the sidewalk outside of Mayhem , frowning at the furious look on Danica 's face as she glares at the big metal door the security guard just shut behind him . She came here for one thing , and I know she 's not leaving until she gets it . " You didn 't have to push me , " I mutter , and her eyes flare . " You should 've haA resident of South Central Pennsylvania , JAMIE SHAW 's two biggest dreams in life were to be a published author and to be a mom . Now , she 's living both of those dreams and loving every minute of it . When she 's not spending time with her husband and their young son , she 's writing novels with relatable heroines and swoon - worthy leading men . With her MS in Professional Writing and a passion for all things romance , her goal is always to make readers laugh , cry , squirm , curse , and swoon their pants off , all within the span of a single story . She loves interacting with readers , and she always aims to add new names to their book boyfriend lists . Author Links : WEBSITE | FACEBOOK | TWITTER | GOODREADS Royally Screwed was one of the best books I read in 2016 . So , of course Royally Matched was one of my most anticipated reads of 2017 . A book coming with that much excitement - you get nervous before reading it , you know ? What if it doesn 't live up to my expectations ? What if it 's not as good as the first one ? I should 've known better . This is Emma Chase . Royally Matched was absolutely amazing and so heartbreakingly romantic , I swooned on a regular basis . When I wasn 't swooning , I was laughing my head off . As I said - this IS Emma Chase . This should not be a big surprise to you . If you 've read Royally Screwed , you already are familiar with the sort of man Henry is . He 's the fun brother - the wild child , the party animal , the manwhore . And he is now the Crown Prince thanks to his older brother Nicholas . Where he used to live a life free from responsibility and care , now he is forced to buckle down and start preparing to be king some day . And he bloody hates it . Now I have to be the Henry no one wants to hang around with . Serious . Scholarly . Upstanding , even if it kills me - and it definitely might . . . They 're all counting on me . Depending on me . To lead them into the future . To be good . To be . . . King . Sarah is probably the most opposite from Henry as anyone can get . She 's shy , reserved , socially awkward and a virgin . She 's very smart but suffers horribly from several PTSD - like symptoms , so those keep her out of crowds and large social situations . So , when her sister decides to become a contestant on the reality TV dating show being filmed with Henry at the center - Matched : Royal Edition - Sarah decides to accompany her as her assistant in order to get out of a speech at work . My absolute favorite part about this book was the transformation of Henry . In the beginning , he is all about himself . Henry is the person Henry thinks about the most . He enjoys being fawned over by beautiful women and having his pick of the lot . But , Sarah is different . She doesn 't swoon . She doesn 't want to be in the spotlight or to put a princely feather in her cap . Henry can be himself around her . He can be comfortable and relaxed . And her influence in his life starts to change him . His focus turns from himself to the others around him . And when he does that , he realizes that he cares more about Sarah and her feelings than about where the next party is . He starts to become a king . This beautiful , broken , pitiful prince . Was Henry ever told how brilliant he is ? Kind and strong , generous , and good ? I don 't think he was an they should 've told him . Every single day . Sarah went through her own reawakening thanks to Henry . He brought her out of her shell and encouraged her to break the mold - to do different things and really live outside of her books . The way they complimented each other was awesome and so romantic . And the way Henry took care of Sarah - absolutely breathtaking . So , both princes are now permanently attached - I sincerely hope that this is not the end of this series , because I am so in love with it and these characters . Once a shell is broken it can 't be put back together again - not really , not in the same way it was . The cracks will always be there . That 's the Henry Effect . And it 's miraculous . Emma Chase is the New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of the hot and hilarious Tangled series and The Legal Briefs series . Emma lives in New Jersey with her husband , two children and two naughty ( but really cute ) dogs . She has a long - standing love / hate relationship with caffeine . Website : http : / / authoremmachase . com / Facebook : https : / / www . facebook . com / AuthorEmmaChase / ? fref = ts Newsletter : http : / / authoremmachase . com / newsletter / Twitter : https : / / twitter . com / emmachse Goodreads : https : / / www . goodreads . com / author / show / 6551005 . Emma _ Chase Hear ye , hear ye ! ROYALLY MATCHED is FINALLY here ! Check out the trailer and an excerpt here and my review tomorrow ! It 's another 5 - star read from the Queen of RomCom , Emma Chase . As he endeavors to right his wrongs , old words take on whole new meanings for the dashing Prince . Words like , Duty , Honor and most of all - Love . Sarah stands up and presses her lips against mine . And it 's so unexpected , so surprising - I freeze up . But only for a moment . As her mouth gently moves over mine , I begin to thaw . She 's so fucking soft , her taste so very sweet . The kiss is almost chaste - at least it 's the most chaste I 've ever had . Unpracticed . " I 'm distracting you . " She looks up at me uncertainly . From behind those ridiculously prim little glasses with those big , dark eyes that could bring me to my knees . " Is it working ? " Her two lips envelop my lower one , then the upper , all eager , pleasing sweetness . My hands find Sarah 's lower back and I pull her in close , tight against me . Slowly , I open my mouth and she mirrors my movement , opening for me . And it 's good . So very , very good . I delve deeper , kiss her harder - more demanding - taking the lead . I cup her head in my hands , holding her still while I plunge and devour . A moan seeps from her lips and I devour that too . " I 'm sick of being afraid , Henry . And I 'm so tired of being alive . . . but not really living . I 've wanted this for a long time . I want . . . you . " It 's only then that hesitation dims her eyes . " Do you want me too ? " Beneath her robe , her bedclothes are paper thin . I trace my thumbs across her nipples , feeling them harden and peak . I want to suck on them until she 's mindless . I want to lick every inch of her skin and watch her flush with desire . I wrap my arms around Sarah and lift her right off her feet . With a groan , my mouth is back to hers . Her small pretty hands cup my jaw as I carry her toward the bed . I stop against a wall on the way , knocking a frame sideways , lifting her leg in one hand and wrapping it around my hip so I can thrust against her . Emma Chase is the New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of the hot and hilarious Tangled series and The Legal Briefs series . Emma lives in New Jersey with her husband , two children and two naughty ( but really cute ) dogs . She has a long - standing love / hate relationship with caffeine . Website : http : / / authoremmachase . com / Facebook : https : / / www . facebook . com / AuthorEmmaChase / ? fref = ts Newsletter : http : / / authoremmachase . com / newsletter / Twitter : https : / / twitter . com / emmachse Goodreads : https : / / www . goodreads . com / author / show / 6551005 . Emma _ Chase Labels : ( Synopsis ) It 's been ten years since Sasha Keaton left her West Virginia hometown . . . since she escaped the twisted serial killer known as the Groom . Returning to help run her family inn means being whole again , except for one missing piece . The piece that falls into place when Sasha 's threatened - and FBI agent Cole Landis vows to protect her the way he couldn 't a decade ago . Till Death is nothing like any other book by Jennifer L . Armentrout that I 've ever read before , but absolutely no less incredible . The suspense , the mystery , the romance - all are ramped up and on full display for the entirety of the story . I love the characters Jennifer has created here - they 're real and they 're striking . And they 're all going to stay with me for a long while . Sasha Keaton is the girl who lived . No - this isn 't THAT story . A decade ago , She 's the only one who survived The Groom - a serial killer that also ended up dead at the end of the ordeal . But , the damage to Sasha 's psyche was done . Although she had a mother , friends and a budding relationship with an amazing guy , she left West Virginia for Atlanta . But , now her mother needs her help with the family business , so Sasha 's coming home . Her mother and friends are thrilled that she 's home , but none is more happy than that boy she was dating before being kidnapped . Cole Landis has lived his life , having become a local cop and having other relationships , but he never forgot Sasha , and now that she 's back , he 's determined to embrace this second chance with her . But , when women start turning up dead like the first time , and Sasha appears to be on his list once again . But , this time , she has people to lean on and Cole to help take care of her . I promise you - Till Death will grab you , freak you out , give you all the warm fuzzies , and then let you go with the biggest book hangover ever . At its heart , Till Death is an epic second chance love story . Sasha and Cole had a real shot at a relationship before she was kidnapped , and then she left town and it seemed she would never return . Cole had always regretted not being able to protect Sasha from The Groom , but he never had an opportunity to make things right again . Now that Sasha 's back , Cole institutes a full - court press to get her back . It 's so obvious that their connection hasn 't faded even with time and distance . Jen Armentrout is so incredibly good at creating couples with this crazy chemistry . At the heart of whatever she writes is always an epic love story . And yes , the arc in this book is all about The Groom and who he is and who he might kill next . But , the push and pull between Sasha and Cole and their rediscovery of each other and Sasha 's rediscovery of herself - with Cole 's help - is the real magic here . When we talked , we never ran out of things to say , and when he kissed me ? I still remember how crazy he made me feel with just a kiss , as if lighting every cell in my body on fire . Being with Cole had made me feel like I was on the edge of a cliff , more than willing to fall off . I 'd never felt anything like that again . Not even a smidgen . Till Death is told almost entirely from Sasha 's POV . There are a few flashbacks that help explain what happened to her ten years earlier at the hand of The Groom , but most of it is told in present day . We do get a few snippets from The Groom 's POV , which just upped the creepy factor to delicious heights . They were the perfect addition - it wasn 't too much , but rather just the right amount to keep me completely engaged . Although there 's a certain heaviness to Till Death that we don 't usually see in Jen Armentrout 's books , she also gives us some levity in the form of interactions between Sasha and her two BFFs and , especially , the progression of her newly rekindled relationship with Cole . Those moments of tenderness , sweetness , and most certainly sexiness , were blended with the mystery and suspense to make the perfect story designed to keep you on the edge of your seat and swooning from extreme feels . I absolutely loved everything about Till Death . Labels : It 's been a long time since I 've read a book like Wintersong . Actually - I 'm not sure I ever have read a book quite like this before . Read on to see what I mean then enter to win a copy of Wintersong ! All her life , nineteen - year - old Liesl has heard tales of the beautiful , mysterious Goblin King . He is the Lord of Mischief , the Ruler Underground , and the muse around which her music is composed . Yet , as Liesl helps shoulder the burden of running her family 's inn , her dreams of composition and childish fancies about the Goblin King must be set aside in favor of more practical concerns . But when her sister Käthe is taken by the goblins , Liesl journeys to their realm to rescue her sister and return her to the world above . The Goblin King agrees to let Käthe go - for a price . The life of a maiden must be given to the land , in accordance with the old laws . A life for a life , he says . Without sacrifice , nothing good can grow . Without death , there can be no rebirth . In exchange for her sister 's freedom , Liesl offers her hand in marriage to the Goblin King . He accepts . Down in the Underground , Liesl discovers that the Goblin King still inspires her - musically , physically , emotionally . Yet even as her talent blossoms , Liesl 's life is slowly fading away , the price she paid for becoming the Goblin King 's bride . As the two of them grow closer , they must learn just what it is they are each willing to sacrifice : her life , her music , or the end of the world . I love retellings . Seeing how authors create their own spin on familiar stories and picking out the similarities and the differences is thrilling . Lately , we 've seen many of the classic fairy tales and Disney - fied stories made into wonderfully angsty YA books . But never have I seen anyone who tried to retell the Labyrinth . Me - SOLD . Instead of David Bowie 's Jareth , we get an ageless , nameless Goblin King who needs a new bride from time to time in order for spring to keep showing up on the Earth above . He sets his sights on Kathe , a vapid , materialistic beauty from a small German village . But her older sister Elisabeth has something to say about that . In place of Jennifer Connelly 's Sarah is Elisabeth , the plain jane on - her - way - to - being - a - spinster girl who fades into the background as she takes care of everyone around her , including her sister and younger brother Josef . The one thing that is hers is her music . She 's a brilliant composer and plays several instruments . Elisabeth convinces The Goblin King to let her take Kathe 's place , and she joins him in the underworld forever . S . Jae - Jones is a beautiful writer . Music plays a major theme in Wintersong - it 's the common thread that binds Elisabeth and The Goblin King together . The words on the pages flow like music on the air . It 's lilting and prosaic and so colorful and vibrant . It was so easy to feel all the emotions of the characters - and there were a lot of emotions to be felt . The Goblin King had walked into the tiny room of my life and upended its contents . I was left picking up the pieces , struggling to fit them back together into one semblance of what I had known before . M life was divided into two neat and perfect halves : Before and After . Elisabeth goes from exuberant and joyful to grief - stricken and despondent and back again , depending on her interactions with The Goblin King . The Goblin King is hopeful that his marriage to Elisabeth will result in some actually feelings on his part and that she might awaken his boring life . And then there was the romance . Some scenes between Elisabeth and The Goblin King were seriously sexy . And I could feel it all in the words S . Jae - Jones gave us . Truthfully , there were times when I felt a little like I was slogging through all those beautiful words . They seemed to slow the story down from time to time Also , I should say I wasn 't crazy about the ending . I 'm a sucker for traditional HEAs , and while some might view the ending of Wintersong as one , I definitely was looking for more . Despite that , Wintersong was an interesting retelling of a story I love . I 'll definitely be looking for more from S . Jae - Jones in the future . S . Jae - Jones , called JJ , is an artist , an adrenaline junkie , and the author of Wintersong , forthcoming from Thomas Dunne in February 2017 . Charles Wolf Blackwood likes the game . He likes chasing a new girl every week , loves seducing them and earning their trust . He doesn 't like to keep them . Nazarea Andrews ( N to almost everyone ) is an avid reader and tends to write the stories she wants to read . Which means she writes everything from zombies and dystopia to contemporary love stories . When not writing , she can most often be found driving her kids to practice and burning dinner while she reads , or binging watching TV shows on Netflix . N loves chocolate , wine , and coffee almost as much as she loves books , but not quite as much as she loves her kids . She lives in south Georgia with her husband , daughters , spoiled cat and overgrown dog . She is the author of World Without End series , Neverland Found , Edge of the Falls , and The University of Branton Series . Stop by her twitter ( @ NazareaAndrews ) and tell her what fantastic book she should read next . ( Synopsis ) I 've made every one of my billions of dollars myself - I 'm calculating , astute and the best at what I do . It takes drive and dedication to build what I have . And it leaves no time for love or girlfriends or relationships . But don 't get me wrong , I 'm not a monk . I understand the attention and focus it takes to seduce a beautiful woman . They 're the same skills I use to close business deals . But one night is where it begins and ends . I 'm not the guy who sends flowers . I 'm not the guy who calls the next day . Sam Shaw is the ultimate reluctant billionaire . After being orphaned at age 12 and then thrust into the system , Sam had to learn the hard way to cherish every possession you had , because you never knew when it could be taken away from you . Even though he 's become incredibly successful and wealthy , He doesn 't live like it . He owns a beautiful new home on Park Avenue , but the only furniture in it is a thrift store couch and a mattress on the floor . After his best friend convinces him to at least buy some art to put on the walls ( it 's a good investment , and therefore not frivolous , so it 's okay with Sam ) , Sam ends up at Grace Astor Fine Art and is immediately taken with Grace Astor , herself . He initially just wants to get her in his bed , but after he finally succeeds at that , he 's shocked to find that he wants her there again . And again . And again . Although they were raised very differently , Grace and Sam have a lot in common . Even though her parents are rich , she doesn 't think that extends to her . She believes she has to work hard to get what she wants and not to take handouts from others . She opened her own art gallery with her own money that she made . Even though it 's not a job for the New York socialite elite , she does what makes her happy . Rich , pretentious men that her parents throw at her are not what make her happy , so she avoids dating suits and instead gravitates toward the artistic , creative sorts who need her help and encouragement in order to flourish . Unfortunately , this also means she gets screwed over a lot . Both Sam and Grace have money ( well , Grace 's family has money ) , but it 's nice that , for once , their money isn 't a barrier to their relationship . No - their problems are far deeper than that . Between Sam 's fear of abandonment and Grace distrusting Sam 's overall character , they both had a lot of work to do . Their relationship progressed at a very believable pace . It 's very clear in the beginning that they were hot for each other because of how they looked and because of this raw , exciting chemistry that always was present between them . But beyond that , it took a lot of conversations and time spent together in order to slowly break down their walls . And it was definitely a gradual process . Trust is earned over time , and that 's a lesson both Grace and Sam had to learn . But , their times together were sweet and poignant , as well as sexy as all get out . There was a lot of talk about art and their pasts and their futures and how - or if - they fit in . Since Grace is Harper 's BFF from The King of Wall Street , we had a chance to catch up with Max and Harper and their kids , which was so much fun . Seeing them through Sam 's jaded eyes was heartbreaking and wonderful at the same time . I thoroughly enjoyed reading about Sam and Grace finding each other and learning more about themselves in the process . USA Today bestselling author , Louise Bay writes sexy , contemporary romance novels - the kind she likes to read . Her books include the novels Hopeful , The Empire State Series , Parisian Nights , Promised Nights , Indigo Nights and King of Wall Street . Ruined by bonk - busters and sexy mini - series of the eighties Louise loves all things sexy and romantic . There 's not enough of it in real life so she disappears into the fictional worlds in books and films . Louise loves the rain , the West Wing , London , days when she doesn 't have to wear make - up , being on her own , being with friends , elephants and champagne . She loves to hear from readers so get in touch ! Connect with Louise : ( Synopsis ) My FallenCon agenda is simple : sit on a couple of panels and let people meet the real me . Jesse Garvy - mod of a famous Twitch channel and , if I ever come out of my shell , future vlogger . I definitely didn 't plan to sleep with a moody tattooed fan - artist , but he 's gorgeous and can 't keep his hands off me . There 's a first time for everything , and my first time with a guy turns out to be the hottest experience of my life . But the next day , I find out my moody fan - artist is Ian Larsen AKA Cherry - someone I 've known online for years . And he 'd known exactly who I was while shoving me up against that wall . Before I figure out whether to be pissed or flattered , the con ends . Now we 're back online , and he 's acting like nothing happened . But despite the distance between us , and the way he clings to the safety of his online persona , we made a real connection that night . I don 't plan to let him forget . It was so easy to fall completely in love with these two boys , and subsequently , this book . There was so much to read about - so many different layers to get through . Their relationship certainly wasn 't easy , but honestly , that was the best part . The best things come to those who work hard . We 've met both Ian and Jesse in both Strong Signal and Fast Connection , although prior to this book , we knew them both by their gamer names - Cherrycakes and Garvy . It seemed in previous books that they played off each other with Cherry playing good copy and Garvy playing bad cop . Hard Wired is absolutely a study in how people are rarely what they seem to be on the surface or online , and that has never been more apparent than when Ian and Jesse meet in person at a con . Jesse is just coming into his sexuality and realizing who he really is , while Ian has known all of that about himself for quite some time . It 's Ian 's sexual orientation , along with his art and his dislike of strangers and large crowds that has caused him to adopt different personas in order to deal with the people he meets - Cherry is his online mod persona who is happy and bubbly and Cerise is his artist persona who is broody and confident and wildly talented . He 's been someone else for so long , he has forgotten who just Ian is . It takes Jesse to remind him . I did owe him . A lot more than an admission that he 'd already pieced together . I owed him pure , unadulterated Ian - all the weird parts of myself and not the fragments that I tended to show to specific audiences . But , that 's part of the problem . Ian initially buries himself in his art and in his games to escape from his life and the people in it . He doesn 't think very highly of himself and doesn 't think of himself as lovable . Jesse Garvy gets uncomfortably close to the heart of who Ian really is , and that scares the crap out of him . Even more unnerving is that Jesse really , REALLY likes who he sees . " You 're talented and smart and so beautiful . Sometimes I wonder if I could ever be enough for you , or us together , if you don 't even see your own value . . . when your value is infinity plus infinity greater than mine . " Jesse is determined to bring Ian out of his shell , though he doesn 't know how to go about doing that . There 's a lot of false starts and stops between the two of them as they learn about each other and each other 's limitations . It 's definitely not easy , and it 's not always pleasant either . Jesse , in particular , feels a lot like a fish out of water when it comes to Ian . He thinks it should be easy to just be who you are , but Ian has learned the hard way that who you are sometimes gets you in serious trouble . It 's hard for Jesse to know what to do with Ian and vice versa . Every conversation with Ian was another puzzle piece . I 'd see enough to know Ian was someone I wanted in my life . I just hoped he felt the same . The one place where they seem to know exactly what to do with each other is in the bedroom . Holy moly . As only Megan Erickson and Santino Hassell can , the sexual connection between Jesse and Ian was incredible . They never had problems connecting in that way , and as the book went on , it only got better . Even when they were separated by many miles and states - seriously , after reading this series , I know that Skype sex is a seriously hot thing . Buckle your seat belt for a ride of feels . Hard Wired is told in dual POV , so we get all the angst , all the emotion and all the frustration times two . Santino Hassell and Megan Erickson are an incredible writing pair , though . Their transitions are flawless and their voices are so strong . It 's one of my favorite parts of this series . And , luckily , it seems like the series will continue , as we met a few new characters that definitely seem to have a story to tell . Megan Erickson is a USA Today bestselling author of romance that sizzles . Her books have a touch of nerd , a dash of humor , and always have a happily ever after . A former journalist , she switched to fiction when she decided she liked writing her own endings better . She lives in Pennsylvania with her very own nerdy husband and two kids . Although rather fun - sized , she 's been told she has a full - sized personality . When Megan isn 't writing , she 's either lounging with her two cats named after John Hughes characters or … thinking about writing . Website : http : / / meganerickson . org / Facebook : https : / / www . facebook . com / authormeganerickson Twitter : https : / / twitter . com / MeganErickson _ Goodreads : https : / / www . goodreads . com / author / show / 6879435 . Megan _ Erickson Amazon : http : / / www . amazon . com / Megan - Erickson / e / B00AWD8MHS / ref = sr _ tc _ 2 _ 0 ? qid = 1454466025 & sr = 8 - 2 - ent FB Group : https : / / www . facebook . com / groups / 1440306062901719 / Santino Hassell was raised by a conservative family , but he was anything but traditional . He grew up to be a smart - mouthed , school cutting grunge kid , then a transient twenty - something , and eventually transformed into an unlikely romance author . Santino writes queer romance that is heavily influenced by the gritty , urban landscape of New York City , his belief that human relationships are complex and flawed , and his own life experiences .
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( Synopsis ) Ryder Rodgers had a plan . He was going to stride into the conference room , do the required song and dance over the next five days , and win the biggest contract of his career . But when he walked in and heard the voice of one of his competitors , all his plans were shot to hell . Harper Denton . She was always on top . In college . First in their class . Always using every advantage to edge him out to win the coveted positions . The only one who could beat him . His academic rival . More like a constant thorn in his side . And his ego 's . When he heard her voice , he was brought back to years before . To the bitter taste of being second best . But the woman who meets his gaze is nothing like the drab wallflower he used to know . Hell no . She was all woman now : curves , confidence , and staggering sex appeal . And no doubt , still brilliant . The fact that she 's gorgeous and bright won 't distract him . This time , Ryder 's determined to be the one on top . But not if Harper can help it . As expected , I blew through this novella set in the Sweet Cheeks world . Sweet Cheeks was one of my most favorite books in 2016 , so to say I was highly awaiting the release of this add - on novella , was putting it mildly . We all got the impression in Sweet Cheeks that Saylor 's meddling older brother Ryder had his own story to tell . His actually started thirteen years earlier in college when he finally stole a heated kiss with the girl who constantly challenged him in all his classes . And right after that , she ran out of the room , and he didn 't see her again . Until the moment she walks into the room of other hot shot estimators and realizes that she 's going to be his biggest competition for the bid of a new construction job . Harper has something to prove - not just to Ryder Robert - the boy who she had an immense crush on , but who infuriated her more than anyone else in college . She has to prove to the boys club that a woman can play in the deep end with them . And win . And the only one she sees as a threat to that is Ryder . Second - chance romaLabels : ( Synopsis ) Ever notice that sometimes a guy will do something really stupid , like let the love of his life slip through his fingers ? Yeah . I 'm that guy . But the moment I run into the woman I once loved madly , I 've got one goal and one goal only - a second chance . The plan ? Go big or go home . Fine , at first glance , stripping naked at my ex - girlfriend 's place of work might not seem like the brightest way to win her heart again . But trust me on this count - she always liked me best without any clothes on . And you 've got to play to your strengths when you 're fighting an uphill battle . As a lawyer , I know how to fight , and I 'm prepared to fight hard for her . Because sometimes you need a second chance at first love . He 's the one who got away . . . The nerve of Tyler Nichols to reappear like that at my job , showing off his rock - hard body that drove me wild far too many nights . That man with his knowing grin and mischievous eyes is nothing but a cocky jerk to saunter back into my life . Except , what if he 's not . . . ? I 've tried like hell to forget him , but maybe I 'm cursed to remember the guy I fell madly in love with eight years ago . Lord knows I 'm not over him , so what 's the harm in giving him a week to prove he 's changed in the ways that matter ? It 's time for another Nichols man to fall , and there really is nothing like bearing witness to that . The Hot One is one awesome second - chance love story with all the trademark Lauren Blakely humor , sexiness and romance . Tyler Nichols is living the good life . He 's a wildly successful entertainment lawyer ( his firm represents Nick Hammer , aka Mister Orgasm ) , a doting uncle and a ladies man . But , we know from his appearance in previous books that he 's not tied down to one woman because he gave his heart away years ago , and he foolishly let her go . After running into his former flame in Central Park one day , Tyler takes it as a sign that he 's getting a second chance with Delaney , and he 's not going to waste it . I love this small world that Lauren Blakely has woven . Each new book that she adds to this not - quite - a - series features characters we 've seen before and includes cameos from characters we already know and love . Tyler 's business partner and cousin is Clay , which is the Blakely Book Boyfriend who started it all for me . Delaney 's BFF is Penny , who got her own second chance HEA with Gabriel in The Only One . It was really only a matter of time before these two realized they 've been in the same city for awhile now . Tyler really was a jerk when they were in college , dumping Delaney without an explanation and cutting off all contact with her immediately . It was particularly damaging to Delaney since her track record with men wasn 't the best anyway . Then , Tyler 's extremely hurtful dumping happened , and her life was turned upside down . At least he recognizes his transgressions , and when he sees Delaney , he puts his wooing skills into overdrive . GAH , but I love a man who knows how to grovel . And Tyler gives new meaning to the word . At first I was feeling like Delaney should 've made it harder for him to get back into her good graces , but that feeling passed quickly . Because , Tyler was REALLY good at the wooing . And he didn 't give up after his first and second attempts to just go out for drinks were rebuffed . Tyler learned quickly that he had a lot to make up for , and that trust takes a long time to rebuild after it 's been broken once . Luckily , these two have some wicked chemistry to help grease the wheels . Because of Delaney 's distrust of Tyler and his desire to convince her that he is in it for the long haul and not just instant gratification , it takes them a little while to give into their sexual tension , but I did love the slow burn and the build up . There 's still a few characters in this small world that need their happy yet , and I 'm looking forward to reading those and watching some more couples integrate into the orbit of all the couples that I 've come to adore . She turns her head . And waves . That smile makes me feel like I can do this . Like I can win her heart again . Mine pounds faster as I near her , and it 's not just because I happen to think she 's the most stunning woman I 've ever seen , but because of who she is . There 's that awkwardness again , and I want no part of it today . Like the bungee jumper I am , I lean in and dust a quick kiss on her lips . At first , she freezes . That won 't fucking do at all . My tongue darts out , flicking her top lip . A soft breath escapes her , and she gives in . Her sweet lips linger on mine , sending a charge down my spine . My brain leapfrogs ahead , and I picture scooping her up in my arms , carrying her to a quiet little patch of trees , and kissing her till she begs me to take her home . " I can try to take back the kiss . Want me to , sweet girl ? " I use the term of endearment I once called her . She doesn 't blanch , and that 's a damn good sign . I pencil in a new item on my mental to - do list . Find out how much she likes spanking . I never spanked her in college - just wasn 't part of the repertoire . But judging from her response now , I 'm more determined than ever to find out everything she likes in and out of bed . A # 1 New York Times Bestselling author , Lauren Blakely is known for her contemporary romance style that 's hot , sweet and sexy . She lives in California with her family and has plotted entire novels while walking her dogs . With fourteen New York Times bestsellers , her titles have appeared on the New York Times , USA Today , and Wall Street Journal Bestseller Lists more than seventy - five times , and she 's sold more than 1 . 5 million books . In February she 'll release THE HOT ONE , a standalone contemporary romance . To receive an email when Lauren releases a new book , sign up for her newsletter ! laurenblakely . com / newsletter ( Synopsis ) When Hailey Harper left her family farm to enroll in veterinary school , she had a plan : keep her head down , ace her classes , and most importantly … don 't upset the uncle paying her tuition . Translation ? Don 't piss off his dramatic , self - absorbed daughter , Danica , even if she 's a nightmare to live with . As the drummer of a now - famous rock band , Mike Madden could have any girl he wants . He 's sweet , funny , romantic , talented - and the only guy that 's ever made Hailey 's heart do cartwheels in her chest . The more she gets to know him , the harder she falls , but Hailey knows they can never be more than friends … because Danica wants him back , and she 'll fight dirty to win . Talk about ending a series on the right note . In the fictional rock group The Last Ones to Know , we 've met all the other members of the band . Adam , the lead singer , is the leader of the group . Joel , the rhythm guitarist , is the fun one . Shawn , the lead guitarist , is the brains of the operation . But Mike - Mike Madden , the drummer - he 's the heart . Back in high school , Mike had a girlfriend who was his everything . But , Danica left him for greener pastures . Now that he 's made it big , Danica is back and looking to reconnect with Mike and share his spotlight . Mike , being the sweet guy that he is , gives it a go . I mean , he 's been hung up on her - or rather , the idea of her - for years . But , he didn 't plan on her cousin Hailey being along for the ride . In the history of mean girls , there has never been one more awful than Danica . She is superficial , narcissistic , spoiled and hateful . She entered college just so she could get back together with Mike - not to get an education . But , Hailey , whose family doesn 't have much money , is sent along with Danica to babysit her . Despite what an awful job that is , it comes with some undeniable perks . Her uncle is paying for all of her school expenses . And getting a degree and a good job that will help out her family is all Hailey cares about . So , she puts up with Danica 's constant verbal abuse for the greater good . And Mike puts up with Danica because he feels he owes it to himself to explore this relationship that he has had up on a pedestal for so long . Now , this larger - than - life girl from his memories is back , and he wants to honor them by giving it a real try . Seriously - could Hailey and Mike be any more perfect for one another ? Their martyr complexes are unbelievable . But , that 's the wonderful thing about Havoc - in each other , they find a safe place . Someone around whom they can relax and laugh and be themselves . They can eat pizza , drink beer and play video games . They don 't have to walk on eggshells for fear of setting off a bomb . Their existence in each others ' lives becomMEET THE HERO - MIKE MADDEN Readers fell in love with drummer Mike Madden from the very first book in this series , MAYHEM , when it became clear that he wasn 't like the rest of the guys in the band : Mike never took advantage of the fact that groupies were throwing themselves at his feet ; instead , he was always waiting for " the one . " Mike had his heart broken back in high school , when his band was just starting to pave their way in the music industry , but that never damaged his belief in true love . He was never looking for a one - night stand - he was looking for his future wife , the woman he would spend the rest of his life with . He waited for her through RIOT , he waited for her through CHAOS , and he finally meets her in HAVOC , when he finds Hailey Harper waiting with her cousin outside of his tour bus . At a door near the back corner of the room , my fun - loving cousin marches right up to the first security guard she sees , who also happens to be approximately five zillion times her size , with muscles made of stone and a face to match . " Who do I need to talk to to get backstage ? " At her bossy tone , Muscle - man lifts an eyebrow . " The Easter Bunny ? " " Excuse me ? " " No one 's allowed backstage . " The arms he crosses over his chest warn that he isn 't messing around . " I 'm with Mike , " Danica lies , and after studying her for a moment , Muscle - man laughs . " Sure you are . " " I am ! " When Muscle - man just smiles at her like she 's a petulant child , Danica resorts to acting like one . She demands to see his boss and threatens to get him fired . When that doesn 't work , she resorts to curse words . And when those have no effect , all hell breaks loose . She 's torpedoing her finger into his chest and shouting something about his inbred gene pool when I try to pull her away from him . But Danica is on a rampage , and all my efforts get me is a hard shove that nearly knocks me on my ass . At five - feet tall , one hundred and three pounds , I 'm not exactly in a position to throw my weight around , and I don 't make a second attempt to try . I 'm rubbing my tender collarbone when the security guy picks my assailant up off her feet , and I helplessly follow as he carries her outside . After serving as an armrest for a sweaty gigantor inside the club , after obliterating my eardrums in front of the world 's biggest speakers , after getting knocked around like a bratty child 's toy all night , all I want is to take a hot shower and crawl into my own bed to sleep for a week straight . Instead , I stand on the sidewalk outside of Mayhem , frowning at the furious look on Danica 's face as she glares at the big metal door the security guard just shut behind him . She came here for one thing , and I know she 's not leaving until she gets it . " You didn 't have to push me , " I mutter , and her eyes flare . " You should 've haA resident of South Central Pennsylvania , JAMIE SHAW 's two biggest dreams in life were to be a published author and to be a mom . Now , she 's living both of those dreams and loving every minute of it . When she 's not spending time with her husband and their young son , she 's writing novels with relatable heroines and swoon - worthy leading men . With her MS in Professional Writing and a passion for all things romance , her goal is always to make readers laugh , cry , squirm , curse , and swoon their pants off , all within the span of a single story . She loves interacting with readers , and she always aims to add new names to their book boyfriend lists . Author Links : WEBSITE | FACEBOOK | TWITTER | GOODREADS Royally Screwed was one of the best books I read in 2016 . So , of course Royally Matched was one of my most anticipated reads of 2017 . A book coming with that much excitement - you get nervous before reading it , you know ? What if it doesn 't live up to my expectations ? What if it 's not as good as the first one ? I should 've known better . This is Emma Chase . Royally Matched was absolutely amazing and so heartbreakingly romantic , I swooned on a regular basis . When I wasn 't swooning , I was laughing my head off . As I said - this IS Emma Chase . This should not be a big surprise to you . If you 've read Royally Screwed , you already are familiar with the sort of man Henry is . He 's the fun brother - the wild child , the party animal , the manwhore . And he is now the Crown Prince thanks to his older brother Nicholas . Where he used to live a life free from responsibility and care , now he is forced to buckle down and start preparing to be king some day . And he bloody hates it . Now I have to be the Henry no one wants to hang around with . Serious . Scholarly . Upstanding , even if it kills me - and it definitely might . . . They 're all counting on me . Depending on me . To lead them into the future . To be good . To be . . . King . Sarah is probably the most opposite from Henry as anyone can get . She 's shy , reserved , socially awkward and a virgin . She 's very smart but suffers horribly from several PTSD - like symptoms , so those keep her out of crowds and large social situations . So , when her sister decides to become a contestant on the reality TV dating show being filmed with Henry at the center - Matched : Royal Edition - Sarah decides to accompany her as her assistant in order to get out of a speech at work . My absolute favorite part about this book was the transformation of Henry . In the beginning , he is all about himself . Henry is the person Henry thinks about the most . He enjoys being fawned over by beautiful women and having his pick of the lot . But , Sarah is different . She doesn 't swoon . She doesn 't want to be in the spotlight or to put a princely feather in her cap . Henry can be himself around her . He can be comfortable and relaxed . And her influence in his life starts to change him . His focus turns from himself to the others around him . And when he does that , he realizes that he cares more about Sarah and her feelings than about where the next party is . He starts to become a king . This beautiful , broken , pitiful prince . Was Henry ever told how brilliant he is ? Kind and strong , generous , and good ? I don 't think he was an they should 've told him . Every single day . Sarah went through her own reawakening thanks to Henry . He brought her out of her shell and encouraged her to break the mold - to do different things and really live outside of her books . The way they complimented each other was awesome and so romantic . And the way Henry took care of Sarah - absolutely breathtaking . So , both princes are now permanently attached - I sincerely hope that this is not the end of this series , because I am so in love with it and these characters . Once a shell is broken it can 't be put back together again - not really , not in the same way it was . The cracks will always be there . That 's the Henry Effect . And it 's miraculous . Emma Chase is the New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of the hot and hilarious Tangled series and The Legal Briefs series . Emma lives in New Jersey with her husband , two children and two naughty ( but really cute ) dogs . She has a long - standing love / hate relationship with caffeine . Website : http : / / authoremmachase . com / Facebook : https : / / www . facebook . com / AuthorEmmaChase / ? fref = ts Newsletter : http : / / authoremmachase . com / newsletter / Twitter : https : / / twitter . com / emmachse Goodreads : https : / / www . goodreads . com / author / show / 6551005 . Emma _ Chase Hear ye , hear ye ! ROYALLY MATCHED is FINALLY here ! Check out the trailer and an excerpt here and my review tomorrow ! It 's another 5 - star read from the Queen of RomCom , Emma Chase . As he endeavors to right his wrongs , old words take on whole new meanings for the dashing Prince . Words like , Duty , Honor and most of all - Love . Sarah stands up and presses her lips against mine . And it 's so unexpected , so surprising - I freeze up . But only for a moment . As her mouth gently moves over mine , I begin to thaw . She 's so fucking soft , her taste so very sweet . The kiss is almost chaste - at least it 's the most chaste I 've ever had . Unpracticed . " I 'm distracting you . " She looks up at me uncertainly . From behind those ridiculously prim little glasses with those big , dark eyes that could bring me to my knees . " Is it working ? " Her two lips envelop my lower one , then the upper , all eager , pleasing sweetness . My hands find Sarah 's lower back and I pull her in close , tight against me . Slowly , I open my mouth and she mirrors my movement , opening for me . And it 's good . So very , very good . I delve deeper , kiss her harder - more demanding - taking the lead . I cup her head in my hands , holding her still while I plunge and devour . A moan seeps from her lips and I devour that too . " I 'm sick of being afraid , Henry . And I 'm so tired of being alive . . . but not really living . I 've wanted this for a long time . I want . . . you . " It 's only then that hesitation dims her eyes . " Do you want me too ? " Beneath her robe , her bedclothes are paper thin . I trace my thumbs across her nipples , feeling them harden and peak . I want to suck on them until she 's mindless . I want to lick every inch of her skin and watch her flush with desire . I wrap my arms around Sarah and lift her right off her feet . With a groan , my mouth is back to hers . Her small pretty hands cup my jaw as I carry her toward the bed . I stop against a wall on the way , knocking a frame sideways , lifting her leg in one hand and wrapping it around my hip so I can thrust against her . Emma Chase is the New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of the hot and hilarious Tangled series and The Legal Briefs series . Emma lives in New Jersey with her husband , two children and two naughty ( but really cute ) dogs . She has a long - standing love / hate relationship with caffeine . Website : http : / / authoremmachase . com / Facebook : https : / / www . facebook . com / AuthorEmmaChase / ? fref = ts Newsletter : http : / / authoremmachase . com / newsletter / Twitter : https : / / twitter . com / emmachse Goodreads : https : / / www . goodreads . com / author / show / 6551005 . Emma _ Chase Labels : ( Synopsis ) It 's been ten years since Sasha Keaton left her West Virginia hometown . . . since she escaped the twisted serial killer known as the Groom . Returning to help run her family inn means being whole again , except for one missing piece . The piece that falls into place when Sasha 's threatened - and FBI agent Cole Landis vows to protect her the way he couldn 't a decade ago . Till Death is nothing like any other book by Jennifer L . Armentrout that I 've ever read before , but absolutely no less incredible . The suspense , the mystery , the romance - all are ramped up and on full display for the entirety of the story . I love the characters Jennifer has created here - they 're real and they 're striking . And they 're all going to stay with me for a long while . Sasha Keaton is the girl who lived . No - this isn 't THAT story . A decade ago , She 's the only one who survived The Groom - a serial killer that also ended up dead at the end of the ordeal . But , the damage to Sasha 's psyche was done . Although she had a mother , friends and a budding relationship with an amazing guy , she left West Virginia for Atlanta . But , now her mother needs her help with the family business , so Sasha 's coming home . Her mother and friends are thrilled that she 's home , but none is more happy than that boy she was dating before being kidnapped . Cole Landis has lived his life , having become a local cop and having other relationships , but he never forgot Sasha , and now that she 's back , he 's determined to embrace this second chance with her . But , when women start turning up dead like the first time , and Sasha appears to be on his list once again . But , this time , she has people to lean on and Cole to help take care of her . I promise you - Till Death will grab you , freak you out , give you all the warm fuzzies , and then let you go with the biggest book hangover ever . At its heart , Till Death is an epic second chance love story . Sasha and Cole had a real shot at a relationship before she was kidnapped , and then she left town and it seemed she would never return . Cole had always regretted not being able to protect Sasha from The Groom , but he never had an opportunity to make things right again . Now that Sasha 's back , Cole institutes a full - court press to get her back . It 's so obvious that their connection hasn 't faded even with time and distance . Jen Armentrout is so incredibly good at creating couples with this crazy chemistry . At the heart of whatever she writes is always an epic love story . And yes , the arc in this book is all about The Groom and who he is and who he might kill next . But , the push and pull between Sasha and Cole and their rediscovery of each other and Sasha 's rediscovery of herself - with Cole 's help - is the real magic here . When we talked , we never ran out of things to say , and when he kissed me ? I still remember how crazy he made me feel with just a kiss , as if lighting every cell in my body on fire . Being with Cole had made me feel like I was on the edge of a cliff , more than willing to fall off . I 'd never felt anything like that again . Not even a smidgen . Till Death is told almost entirely from Sasha 's POV . There are a few flashbacks that help explain what happened to her ten years earlier at the hand of The Groom , but most of it is told in present day . We do get a few snippets from The Groom 's POV , which just upped the creepy factor to delicious heights . They were the perfect addition - it wasn 't too much , but rather just the right amount to keep me completely engaged . Although there 's a certain heaviness to Till Death that we don 't usually see in Jen Armentrout 's books , she also gives us some levity in the form of interactions between Sasha and her two BFFs and , especially , the progression of her newly rekindled relationship with Cole . Those moments of tenderness , sweetness , and most certainly sexiness , were blended with the mystery and suspense to make the perfect story designed to keep you on the edge of your seat and swooning from extreme feels . I absolutely loved everything about Till Death . Labels : It 's been a long time since I 've read a book like Wintersong . Actually - I 'm not sure I ever have read a book quite like this before . Read on to see what I mean then enter to win a copy of Wintersong ! All her life , nineteen - year - old Liesl has heard tales of the beautiful , mysterious Goblin King . He is the Lord of Mischief , the Ruler Underground , and the muse around which her music is composed . Yet , as Liesl helps shoulder the burden of running her family 's inn , her dreams of composition and childish fancies about the Goblin King must be set aside in favor of more practical concerns . But when her sister Käthe is taken by the goblins , Liesl journeys to their realm to rescue her sister and return her to the world above . The Goblin King agrees to let Käthe go - for a price . The life of a maiden must be given to the land , in accordance with the old laws . A life for a life , he says . Without sacrifice , nothing good can grow . Without death , there can be no rebirth . In exchange for her sister 's freedom , Liesl offers her hand in marriage to the Goblin King . He accepts . Down in the Underground , Liesl discovers that the Goblin King still inspires her - musically , physically , emotionally . Yet even as her talent blossoms , Liesl 's life is slowly fading away , the price she paid for becoming the Goblin King 's bride . As the two of them grow closer , they must learn just what it is they are each willing to sacrifice : her life , her music , or the end of the world . I love retellings . Seeing how authors create their own spin on familiar stories and picking out the similarities and the differences is thrilling . Lately , we 've seen many of the classic fairy tales and Disney - fied stories made into wonderfully angsty YA books . But never have I seen anyone who tried to retell the Labyrinth . Me - SOLD . Instead of David Bowie 's Jareth , we get an ageless , nameless Goblin King who needs a new bride from time to time in order for spring to keep showing up on the Earth above . He sets his sights on Kathe , a vapid , materialistic beauty from a small German village . But her older sister Elisabeth has something to say about that . In place of Jennifer Connelly 's Sarah is Elisabeth , the plain jane on - her - way - to - being - a - spinster girl who fades into the background as she takes care of everyone around her , including her sister and younger brother Josef . The one thing that is hers is her music . She 's a brilliant composer and plays several instruments . Elisabeth convinces The Goblin King to let her take Kathe 's place , and she joins him in the underworld forever . S . Jae - Jones is a beautiful writer . Music plays a major theme in Wintersong - it 's the common thread that binds Elisabeth and The Goblin King together . The words on the pages flow like music on the air . It 's lilting and prosaic and so colorful and vibrant . It was so easy to feel all the emotions of the characters - and there were a lot of emotions to be felt . The Goblin King had walked into the tiny room of my life and upended its contents . I was left picking up the pieces , struggling to fit them back together into one semblance of what I had known before . M life was divided into two neat and perfect halves : Before and After . Elisabeth goes from exuberant and joyful to grief - stricken and despondent and back again , depending on her interactions with The Goblin King . The Goblin King is hopeful that his marriage to Elisabeth will result in some actually feelings on his part and that she might awaken his boring life . And then there was the romance . Some scenes between Elisabeth and The Goblin King were seriously sexy . And I could feel it all in the words S . Jae - Jones gave us . Truthfully , there were times when I felt a little like I was slogging through all those beautiful words . They seemed to slow the story down from time to time Also , I should say I wasn 't crazy about the ending . I 'm a sucker for traditional HEAs , and while some might view the ending of Wintersong as one , I definitely was looking for more . Despite that , Wintersong was an interesting retelling of a story I love . I 'll definitely be looking for more from S . Jae - Jones in the future . S . Jae - Jones , called JJ , is an artist , an adrenaline junkie , and the author of Wintersong , forthcoming from Thomas Dunne in February 2017 . Charles Wolf Blackwood likes the game . He likes chasing a new girl every week , loves seducing them and earning their trust . He doesn 't like to keep them . Nazarea Andrews ( N to almost everyone ) is an avid reader and tends to write the stories she wants to read . Which means she writes everything from zombies and dystopia to contemporary love stories . When not writing , she can most often be found driving her kids to practice and burning dinner while she reads , or binging watching TV shows on Netflix . N loves chocolate , wine , and coffee almost as much as she loves books , but not quite as much as she loves her kids . She lives in south Georgia with her husband , daughters , spoiled cat and overgrown dog . She is the author of World Without End series , Neverland Found , Edge of the Falls , and The University of Branton Series . Stop by her twitter ( @ NazareaAndrews ) and tell her what fantastic book she should read next . ( Synopsis ) I 've made every one of my billions of dollars myself - I 'm calculating , astute and the best at what I do . It takes drive and dedication to build what I have . And it leaves no time for love or girlfriends or relationships . But don 't get me wrong , I 'm not a monk . I understand the attention and focus it takes to seduce a beautiful woman . They 're the same skills I use to close business deals . But one night is where it begins and ends . I 'm not the guy who sends flowers . I 'm not the guy who calls the next day . Sam Shaw is the ultimate reluctant billionaire . After being orphaned at age 12 and then thrust into the system , Sam had to learn the hard way to cherish every possession you had , because you never knew when it could be taken away from you . Even though he 's become incredibly successful and wealthy , He doesn 't live like it . He owns a beautiful new home on Park Avenue , but the only furniture in it is a thrift store couch and a mattress on the floor . After his best friend convinces him to at least buy some art to put on the walls ( it 's a good investment , and therefore not frivolous , so it 's okay with Sam ) , Sam ends up at Grace Astor Fine Art and is immediately taken with Grace Astor , herself . He initially just wants to get her in his bed , but after he finally succeeds at that , he 's shocked to find that he wants her there again . And again . And again . Although they were raised very differently , Grace and Sam have a lot in common . Even though her parents are rich , she doesn 't think that extends to her . She believes she has to work hard to get what she wants and not to take handouts from others . She opened her own art gallery with her own money that she made . Even though it 's not a job for the New York socialite elite , she does what makes her happy . Rich , pretentious men that her parents throw at her are not what make her happy , so she avoids dating suits and instead gravitates toward the artistic , creative sorts who need her help and encouragement in order to flourish . Unfortunately , this also means she gets screwed over a lot . Both Sam and Grace have money ( well , Grace 's family has money ) , but it 's nice that , for once , their money isn 't a barrier to their relationship . No - their problems are far deeper than that . Between Sam 's fear of abandonment and Grace distrusting Sam 's overall character , they both had a lot of work to do . Their relationship progressed at a very believable pace . It 's very clear in the beginning that they were hot for each other because of how they looked and because of this raw , exciting chemistry that always was present between them . But beyond that , it took a lot of conversations and time spent together in order to slowly break down their walls . And it was definitely a gradual process . Trust is earned over time , and that 's a lesson both Grace and Sam had to learn . But , their times together were sweet and poignant , as well as sexy as all get out . There was a lot of talk about art and their pasts and their futures and how - or if - they fit in . Since Grace is Harper 's BFF from The King of Wall Street , we had a chance to catch up with Max and Harper and their kids , which was so much fun . Seeing them through Sam 's jaded eyes was heartbreaking and wonderful at the same time . I thoroughly enjoyed reading about Sam and Grace finding each other and learning more about themselves in the process . USA Today bestselling author , Louise Bay writes sexy , contemporary romance novels - the kind she likes to read . Her books include the novels Hopeful , The Empire State Series , Parisian Nights , Promised Nights , Indigo Nights and King of Wall Street . Ruined by bonk - busters and sexy mini - series of the eighties Louise loves all things sexy and romantic . There 's not enough of it in real life so she disappears into the fictional worlds in books and films . Louise loves the rain , the West Wing , London , days when she doesn 't have to wear make - up , being on her own , being with friends , elephants and champagne . She loves to hear from readers so get in touch ! Connect with Louise : ( Synopsis ) My FallenCon agenda is simple : sit on a couple of panels and let people meet the real me . Jesse Garvy - mod of a famous Twitch channel and , if I ever come out of my shell , future vlogger . I definitely didn 't plan to sleep with a moody tattooed fan - artist , but he 's gorgeous and can 't keep his hands off me . There 's a first time for everything , and my first time with a guy turns out to be the hottest experience of my life . But the next day , I find out my moody fan - artist is Ian Larsen AKA Cherry - someone I 've known online for years . And he 'd known exactly who I was while shoving me up against that wall . Before I figure out whether to be pissed or flattered , the con ends . Now we 're back online , and he 's acting like nothing happened . But despite the distance between us , and the way he clings to the safety of his online persona , we made a real connection that night . I don 't plan to let him forget . It was so easy to fall completely in love with these two boys , and subsequently , this book . There was so much to read about - so many different layers to get through . Their relationship certainly wasn 't easy , but honestly , that was the best part . The best things come to those who work hard . We 've met both Ian and Jesse in both Strong Signal and Fast Connection , although prior to this book , we knew them both by their gamer names - Cherrycakes and Garvy . It seemed in previous books that they played off each other with Cherry playing good copy and Garvy playing bad cop . Hard Wired is absolutely a study in how people are rarely what they seem to be on the surface or online , and that has never been more apparent than when Ian and Jesse meet in person at a con . Jesse is just coming into his sexuality and realizing who he really is , while Ian has known all of that about himself for quite some time . It 's Ian 's sexual orientation , along with his art and his dislike of strangers and large crowds that has caused him to adopt different personas in order to deal with the people he meets - Cherry is his online mod persona who is happy and bubbly and Cerise is his artist persona who is broody and confident and wildly talented . He 's been someone else for so long , he has forgotten who just Ian is . It takes Jesse to remind him . I did owe him . A lot more than an admission that he 'd already pieced together . I owed him pure , unadulterated Ian - all the weird parts of myself and not the fragments that I tended to show to specific audiences . But , that 's part of the problem . Ian initially buries himself in his art and in his games to escape from his life and the people in it . He doesn 't think very highly of himself and doesn 't think of himself as lovable . Jesse Garvy gets uncomfortably close to the heart of who Ian really is , and that scares the crap out of him . Even more unnerving is that Jesse really , REALLY likes who he sees . " You 're talented and smart and so beautiful . Sometimes I wonder if I could ever be enough for you , or us together , if you don 't even see your own value . . . when your value is infinity plus infinity greater than mine . " Jesse is determined to bring Ian out of his shell , though he doesn 't know how to go about doing that . There 's a lot of false starts and stops between the two of them as they learn about each other and each other 's limitations . It 's definitely not easy , and it 's not always pleasant either . Jesse , in particular , feels a lot like a fish out of water when it comes to Ian . He thinks it should be easy to just be who you are , but Ian has learned the hard way that who you are sometimes gets you in serious trouble . It 's hard for Jesse to know what to do with Ian and vice versa . Every conversation with Ian was another puzzle piece . I 'd see enough to know Ian was someone I wanted in my life . I just hoped he felt the same . The one place where they seem to know exactly what to do with each other is in the bedroom . Holy moly . As only Megan Erickson and Santino Hassell can , the sexual connection between Jesse and Ian was incredible . They never had problems connecting in that way , and as the book went on , it only got better . Even when they were separated by many miles and states - seriously , after reading this series , I know that Skype sex is a seriously hot thing . Buckle your seat belt for a ride of feels . Hard Wired is told in dual POV , so we get all the angst , all the emotion and all the frustration times two . Santino Hassell and Megan Erickson are an incredible writing pair , though . Their transitions are flawless and their voices are so strong . It 's one of my favorite parts of this series . And , luckily , it seems like the series will continue , as we met a few new characters that definitely seem to have a story to tell . Megan Erickson is a USA Today bestselling author of romance that sizzles . Her books have a touch of nerd , a dash of humor , and always have a happily ever after . A former journalist , she switched to fiction when she decided she liked writing her own endings better . She lives in Pennsylvania with her very own nerdy husband and two kids . Although rather fun - sized , she 's been told she has a full - sized personality . When Megan isn 't writing , she 's either lounging with her two cats named after John Hughes characters or … thinking about writing . Website : http : / / meganerickson . org / Facebook : https : / / www . facebook . com / authormeganerickson Twitter : https : / / twitter . com / MeganErickson _ Goodreads : https : / / www . goodreads . com / author / show / 6879435 . Megan _ Erickson Amazon : http : / / www . amazon . com / Megan - Erickson / e / B00AWD8MHS / ref = sr _ tc _ 2 _ 0 ? qid = 1454466025 & sr = 8 - 2 - ent FB Group : https : / / www . facebook . com / groups / 1440306062901719 / Santino Hassell was raised by a conservative family , but he was anything but traditional . He grew up to be a smart - mouthed , school cutting grunge kid , then a transient twenty - something , and eventually transformed into an unlikely romance author . Santino writes queer romance that is heavily influenced by the gritty , urban landscape of New York City , his belief that human relationships are complex and flawed , and his own life experiences .
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TimI was not about to let Echo distract me from my goal . I was exactly where I wanted to be . " I wasn 't asking " she growled pushing the knife closer to my neck . I laughed and blew my hair out of my eyes . " Please Echo you don 't actually believe you can force me to do anything ? " I asked curious to see how far she would go . She hung her head in defeat and removed the knife from my neck . " Sorry Echo my turn ! " I said like a five year old . Shut up Tim ! We aren 't children anymore . I screamed internally , " You still can 't keep it together Tim ! One minute you seem normal then you do something like that . You need to learn how to function normally . " She lectured me , Before either of us could continue taunting the other we were interrupted by a dark figure stalking toward us . Echo fell silent as Leon stood in front of me and frowned . " What are you still doing here ! " He hissed to Echo , Great job Tim you really did it this time ! " You know what I don 't want to hear another one of your excuses , just take Tim and leave . " He sighed wearily all anger gone from his voice . No no no no no ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Echo smirked at me until she realized that now neither of us would be allowed to stay . Leon stepped toward us . " Please just go Echo . There 's nothing you can do , just go " Something about his words struck a chord in me . I 've heard those words ! ! ! Where have I heard those words ? I thought desperately . Wait a minute . I remember now , I was in the lab surrounded by the other test subjects , I saw Raydon and Ebony standing at the front of the room . Ebony was crying and clutching teddy bear made from old clothing . " Why am I up here ? " she whimpered probably thinking she was about to be punished . " Where did you get that bear ? " He asked sneering at her . A horrible feeling came over me twisting my stomach and making me feel queasy . She said my name barely loud enough to be heard and I was escorted to the front of the room . Before I had the chance to explain that she had been upset by the training and that I had made the bear to comfort her Raydon slapped me across the fWhy do we capital - N Nerds love Mars so much ? Because it 's beautiful , it 's tough , it 's buried in our mythic , childhood memories . It 's covered with human triumphs but also with sad stories of failure . - Greg Bear Leon RhettI stood there in silence . The only sound that could be heard was the chittering of night insects as Tim and I stared at each other . He stood rigid , as if someone was forcing him to stand that certain way . Back straight , shoulders tense . I could still see all his fear of what had happened only a few seconds before , but he held my gaze steadily . " Leon , " Echo decided to break the silence . " If he goes back , it will only get worse for him . " She fixed me with a pleading gaze . " You know as well as I do how much the whitecoats hate rule breakers . Tim isn 't one of they 're favorite people . If I go back , they 'll let me off easy . This is only the first time I 've done something like this as far as they know . But Tim . . . " The two exchanged a glance , both their expressions unreadable . " Leon , they 'll kill him . " Echo finished quietly . I looked from Echo to Tim . His gaze had dropped to the grass . " Please . " Echo pleaded again . " I 'll go , just don 't send Tim back too . " I chewed my lip . This was the guy who had most likely been spying on us , and someone I wouldn 't put it past to murder me in my sleep . " I 'm going to regret this . . . " I I sighed under my breath . " I am going to regret this . " Echo and Tim were both watching me hopefully . I jerked my head at Tim . " Come on . " His eyes lit up at once and he frisked over to my side like an overly exited puppy . Echo shook her head at him a little as his boots slipped in the wet grass and he had to come to an awkward half hopping , half running stop to keep himself from falling on his face . I turned and began to walk back over to our campsite not far off , Tim tagging along three steps behind . " Hey . " Echo called after me . I stopped and looked over my shoulder at her . She smiled . " Thanks . " I stared at her for a moment . The smile was genuine , one that spread freely across her face and lit up her eyes . Kirsten used to smile like that . . . I kept my expression blank . Turned my gaze ahead of me again . " Goodbye , Echo . " TimI followed Leon away from Echo carefully . What do I do ? What do I do ? What do I do ? Stay calm and work through this . Leon stopped right outside the camp and turned to face me . " You sure you don 't want to just wait here ? Kir might not be too friendly with you . " I shook my head . I needed to be there for this . " I should come " He looked at me with what I thought was concern . Probably trying to determine if he would let me come . " Well alright . . . " he answered leading me into camp . It didn 't take long for Kirsten to notice us . When she did she looked about ready to feed me my own intestines . She gave Leon a look and crossed her arms . " What is happening ? " Kirsten demanded . Her glare pierced me like a knife . Why do I feel guilty ? When 's the last time I felt this ? " Well . . . " Leon started . His eyes darted from me to Kirsten a few times then he sighed deeply . " Echo 's gone . Tim 's staying . " " Good riddance ! " She whooped . Then she just stared at me . I tried to understand why this sent the dormant butterflies flapping but my stupid brain yielded no answers . " Why is that one still here ? " She asked not bothering to look at Leon . " Because I told him he could . " Leon answered . Kirsten now turned her deadly stare on him causing him to sigh . " I know , I know . But what was I supposed to do ? " " Get rid of him ! " " They would have killed him ! " " Not our problem " Kirsten spat " he 's one of them ! Those government mutts ! " " Kir , we 're technically government mutts " " But he doesn 't deserve our protection ! " She shouted . " What difference does it make ? " Leon countered . " He isn 't like us . He is loyal to them ! " " Which means he could know where Carlos is . " " Or exactly how to lure us into a trap ! " Leon grimaced " We lost Carlos . . . we can 't lose anyone else " Kirsten whispered . " And you aren 't willing to take that risk ? " Leon asked , " Kirsten , Carlos isn 't gone . We just need to find him . " " If he can help us he can stay " Kirsten mumbled . Now both of them were looking at me . " So , what can you tell us ? " Leon finally asked . Crap crap crap crap crap ! ! ! ! ! ! What do I do ? I Gender : Points : 37Reviews : 30 TybaltI am pacing around HQ , having no idea what i should do . I can feel Kevin and Zandra watching me . Waiting for me to say what they know is going to come . So i just say it . " We shouldn 't have left them . " Kevin bristled , " There was nothing we could 've done ! We had our orders ! " Zandra sighed , " Oh sure . Like you follow all the rules , or are you going to tell me that i am not going to find any government secrets on that fox laptop of yours . " Her cuffs jingled as she laid her arms on her lap . Tybalt sighed . " We need to go back . " Kevin shook his head . " No . Blaze would destroy us ! " Zandra put her hand over Kevin 's mouth . We 'll follow your lead . " She glared at Kevin . " WONT WE ? " Kevin said something mudfles and nodded as Zandra removed her hand from his mouth . Tybalt nodded , " okay . We can find them using the tracker i gave Kirsten . We send out a signal that alerts them that we 're looking and then all they have to do is transmitthe coordinates . " He nodded . " I 'll go get everything ready . You two send out the signal . " He walked out of the room to prepare for their trip . ZandraI chuckled as Kevin , or Foxboy as I nowlike to call him , glared up at me . " I should 've bit you . " I smirked . " Try it foxyboy . I will snap your neck . " Kevin sighed and went back to typing trying to send the signal . " Okay . I sent it . . . all weneed to do is wait . . . " Leon Rhett " Are you sure about this ? " Scarlette asked quietly , scowling slightly at Tim from where she and the rest of us sat . As far away from the guy as possible . I raised my eyebrows at her . " Not in the slightest . But we need any information he may have . " Out of the corner of my eye , I saw Tim shift around on his log . We all turned our attention toward him . " Well ? " Kirsten prompted impatiently . Tim swallowed , cringing under her keen golden glare . " I . . . Well . . . " He cleared his throat . " Like I told you two guys before , I know pretty much where they are based on where Raydon keeps his prisoners . " " Which is where ? " " Right . That 's . . . uh . . . " Kirsten shot me a dubious look . I shrugged . " The base ! " Tim burst out , making us both jump . " That 's the place he keeps his prisoners . " He explained in a quieter tone . " The base . " Silence . " Where is it ? " Scarlette piped up . Tim blinked . " I 'm not too great with directions . " Tim mumbled . " Try your best . " I sighed . Frisky 's head shot up . His tail flicked suddenly , catching me on the side of the head . " Ouch ! Frisky , what are you doing ? " Frisky ignored me . He rose to his paws and padded a little distance off , eyes turned to the sky . Rubbing my head tenderly , I turned my attention back to Tim . " Well . . . It 's a little bit to the west - - no ! east I think . - - Wait ! North . definitely North . - - And then you go this way , " He made a large sweeping gesture with his arm . I felt the air beside me start to warm up and I glanced over at Kirsten , who looked just about ready to throttle someone . " Excuse me . " A polite , mechanical voice resonated behind us . " I think I have something that may help . " Kirsten and Scarlette looked at each other , then at me . We all looked over our shoulders at Frisky . " Its a signal . Coming from somewhere in the north . " Frisky pointed skyward with his muzzle . We all looked over at Tim . He nodded quickly . " Yep . Yes , definitely sounds about right to me . Lets go ! " " Says the guy who 's ' no good at directions ' . " Kirsten muttered in my ear . " Do you have another plan ? " I pointed out , raising an eyebrow . Kirsten Gender : Points : 714Reviews : 93 Carlos Where am I ? I woke up again , after the gas had set me to sleep , for the millionth , but this time I wasn 't in my cell . My body ached , my head was fuzzy , and I was shaking from the cold . The room was white - white desk , white ceiling , white floor , I was sitting on a white chair . " Hey Carlos , how are you ? " , a kind voice said . The woman in front of me was short , with brown hair tucked behind her and blue eyes . " Where am I ? " , I managed to mutter . " You 're safe here . It 's okay . It 's okay . " , she smiled . " Where am I ? " , I said again , looking right at her . " This is my office . " " What country ? What area ? What building ? What floor of the building ? " , I said . I was not taking any sweet talk anymore . " Carlos , you know I can 't tell you that . " she said , looking down . No . No . She could not pretend she was sad . She could not fool me like that . She could not say I was safe and okay and then refuse to tell me where I was . " Can you at least tell me the day ? " " Carlos . . . " , her face less upset than before . This place should get better actors because right now I wasn 't buying any of this . " What do you want ? Why am I here ? " " Well , Honey , I just had a question . Do you maybe know where your friends are ? " she smiled , her pink lip gloss sparkling towards me . I did not say a word . I would never say a word . " Carlos ? " she asked , " We want to help them . They are in danger . " " This is your office ? " I finally said after a minute of full silence . " Yes , do you like it ? " , she smiled . I was already starting to hate that fake smile she kept plastering on her face . " You must be a big deal to have an office like this . What 's your job ? " , I asked , standing up , looking around . " I work at a pharmacy company . " " The one that has been torturing me ? " , I smiled , returning the same fakeness she had been giving me . " Honey " , my voice dripping with hate , " I already know the answer , no point staying silent . " " Carlos this isn 't torture , we are trying to help you . " " I didn 't know help " Keep calm , drink tea and hide under the bedcovers " Previously Lau2001 TimWind whipped past my face as I plummeted , screaming to my death . Lovely . I felt the chip in my brain take over my body . I thought of what it would do to them if I survived the fall . Probably wipe them out . Then again that is my mission . Tim you can 't just allow them to kill innocent people , my conscience objected . Shut up ! No too many people have died because of you . What if this is your chance to redeem yourself ? I can never redeem myself after all I have done . My mental battle had gone on long enough . I consigned myself to oblivion . There was no point in fighting another losing battle against the machine that was my brain . That 's when I felt a hand grab my own . Scarlette wrapped her fingers around mine and began to reverse my fall . I stared into her brilliant blue eyes just as I lost vision in my dull green ones . I felt someone hit me and I took that as my cue to stop screaming . What is she doing she hardly even knows me ! I am the enemy what would she save me ? Does she care about me ? How could anyone possibly care about me ? All of these questions plagued my mind but one thing I knew for certain was that I could not allow my chip to take over . I had to fight . " I don 't want to die " I lied to myself . I don 't want them to die . I silently corrected myself . " I 'm sorry " I whispered before I let go of her hand . I tumbled blindly through the air now fighting myself . The chip forced me to save myself by using my own energy to slow my fall . Despite this I hit the ground with an intense thud . I scrambled into the trees but I didn 't get far before a shock went through my body . Groaning I leaned against a tree and sunk to the ground . I was hardly aware of the world around me now . I focused on breathing and I concentrated on the grass at my feet . I don 't know when but at some point Leon crouched beside me and tried to calm me down . Now I realized I had tears running down my cheeks . " It 's going to be okay just hang on Tim " Leon said soothingly . I would have nodded or shown any sign I had heard him but breaking my concentration was Why do we capital - N Nerds love Mars so much ? Because it 's beautiful , it 's tough , it 's buried in our mythic , childhood memories . It 's covered with human triumphs but also with sad stories of failure . - Greg Bear Leon RhettThe world seems eerily quiet so high up . With the wind rushing in my ears , even Tim 's screaming seemed muted . Frisky plummeted past us and disappeared into the atmosphere . It was strange . I could feel the air against my face , and tearing at my jacket . It was everywhere and yet I couldn 't seem to breathe any of it in . Tim went flailing past me , wailing something incoherent . Scarlette was chasing after him , hand outstretched . I doubted the tears in her eyes were because of the wind . I couldn 't see Kirsten . The breath I tried to take searing my throat . It was so cold up there . . . and yet I felt as if I were burning from the inside out . Someone grabbed me around the waist . I went rigid until I heard her voice . " It 's alright . Just me . " My body seemed to cool down then and for the first time I felt the cold . " Kirsten . " I sighed . " Where 's Scar ? " She shouted over the wind . I pointed down . Kirsten muttered something I didn 't hear over the wind and slashed at the air with one hand . We went shooting through the air in a steak of gold , flipped sideways by the force of the blast . We heard Tim screaming before we saw them . Scarlette had managed to grab him . Kir put on another burst of speed . I reached out . Scarlett 's grabbed my hand . I pulled her up and held on with both arms . Tim was still screaming . Kirsten reached down and hit him . He stopped screaming and took a few deep breaths . The ground was leaping closer . " I don 't want to die . . . " Tim whimpered , eyes closed . I stared down . All I could see below us was cold cement . I felt Kirsten 's arm jerk around my waist . She swiped at the air again with her free hand and we went hurtling . Everything blurred for a second . I got a small glimpse of green before Kir pushed against the air , light blasting from her palm . We rose , flipping though the air until I was staring up at a clear sky . I took a deep breath . . . And suddenly my vision was enveloped in a haze of green and branches . We crashed through the leaves , a bundle of bodies and tangled limbs . Branches whipped my face . I tighGender : Points : 525Reviews : 15 Scarlette Fawn " Where - Where is she ? " Leon asked walking towards the charred earth . " I dont know . One minute she was there and the next she was gone … " " I have to find her . " He said turning away from the spot . " Where would she even be ? " I ask closing my eyes . " Everytime I try to track her down it 's blurry . Almost like she doesn 't want me to see . " " I 'll find her . I always do . " He sighs . " Please stay here will Frisk and Tim . I promise to return before sundown whether I find her or not . Then , we 'll go from there . " " Good luck . " I hug him feeling his shoulders clench . " You will find her I promise . " I whisper . He pulls away from me , and heads off away from our camp . I walk back to where a lifeless Frisky sits , and I place my hand gently on the cold metal of his mane . I turn my eyes to Tim who now appears to be resting . I sigh . " Where is everyone ? " I close my eyes searching for any connection . But there is just nothing . Matt , Carlos , Kirsten , Astral . I can 't find any of them . It 's been like this ever since I woke up . Everything is stronger , but at the same time I feel powerless . The power is growing faster than my ability to use it , and I feel myself slipping . I need to train , but how can I do it when there is so much be done and so many people to be found . I am the last thing I could possibly think about right now . I search deeper until the flash of bright lights and piercing screams echo in my mind . I stand quickly shocked at the abrupt vision . I know who this is . " Astral ? " Another vision appears , and the screams echo louder . " Astral ! " Suddenly I am in a lab room surrounded by medical equipment and cold gray walls . I turn around till I face a chair . Astral sits there unconscious bound to the seat with thick chains . I run to him , but I feel no heat as I place my hands to his face . " Scar . . . Scarlette ? " His voice is quiet , but he begins to stir . " Astral . " I say . His eyes slowly open , and he smiles . " What have they done to you ? " " Is this the end ? Am I finally dea " Sometimes it is the people who no one imagines anything of who do the things that no one can imagine " - The Imitation Game Kirsten RhettThe city around us seemed to be nothing but a haze . The only thing other than me that truly existed was him . Carlos lying broken and motionless in my arms . My body still screamed in pain from the fall , but even that seemed dull now . I kept my eyes on him , watched as his chest rose and fell faintly . The edge of the city was now faintly outlined against the pale evening sky . Walking seemed so slow . Too slow . I felt my own body heat spike up . Energy pulsed inside me , building up in my veins . Threatening to strangle me . The rate of Carlos 's breathing began to slow . Fear penetrated every inch of my body and the heat grew to an inferno . all I could see was gold . The outside haze disappeared for a moment and when my vision returned , I was well outside the reaches of the city , so near to the park I could see the tree etched against the sky . I could see , faintly , three figures hunched around its trunk . One sitting farther away from the other two , who were huddled together so close I could barely tell who 's shadow was who ' sI raised my voice slightly . Just enough to carry over the short distance between us . " Leon ? " His head snapped up and he shot to his feet . I didn 't need to say any more . He was already running toward me , closely followed by the other three He skidded to halt as he came close enough to see what I was carrying . Scarlette peered around his shoulder and gasped . Her hand flew to he mouth . I swallowed the grief building up in the back of my throat , so potent I could almost taste its bitterness . " He fell . " My voice shook . " And he 's dying . I sensed it . . . " My fists clenched . " I have to help him . " I laid him down , settling him as gently as I could on the cool grass . " You can 't do this , Kirsten . " Leon 's voice was hard . Charged with fear . " You 're still not fully recovered from last time . " I splayed my hands out above his chest . " Back away , Leon . " Warm hands clasped around my shoulders . " We 'll find some other way . I 'm sorry Kirsten , but I can 't just - - " " Get away from me . " My hands began to glow golden . A strangGender : Points : 450Reviews : 43 CarlosI tightened my grip . None of this could be real . I was going to wake up soon and I 'd be lying in my cell with a new scar on my body . I tore away from the embrace and held her out at arm 's length . She was almost unrecognizable . Her hair was jaggedly cut so it fell in a slant at the nape of her neck in little curls . Her eyes were faded somehow . Most of the light I 'd seen in them was gone . The sight of her sitting in front of me seemed to convince the skeptical part of my brain that this wasn 't a dream . Suddenly everything felt ten times more real . The cool breeze blowing across my face and the feel of the grass on my bare feet and Kirsten 's hands still resting on my arms . Another dam inside me burst and I felt tears prickling at the edges of my eyes . Kirsten pulled me into her again and I felt a sudden rush of adrenaline at the feeling of her body against mine , our foreheads pressed together . The bridge of her nose brushed mine . I tiled my head to the side . My heart thudded in my chest and I hesitated , then began to retreat . Come on , Carlos . This is Kirsten . You 're like a brother to her . She 'd think it was weird . Kirsten leaned in the last two centimeters . I froze . Suddenly my mind flashed blank , as if it had shorted out trying to figure out what the heck had just happened . My skin burned , aware of every touch . Of three pairs of eyes staring at us . At Kirsten 's breath floating over my cheek . Her arms slipping around my hips . A once dormant part of my brain flicked on and whispered to me that she had it backwards . I shut it off again . My arms drifted up almost without me noticing and circled around her shoulders . My eyes slid closed and the rest of the world melted into the background as I leaned forward , only aware of Kirsten 's lips on mine and the burning seconds where I counted my pounding heartbeats . The world flooded in with stark clarity when she pulled away . My brain woke up again , searching for something to say . I 'd read plenty of books and seen movies where they just stared at each Gender : Points : 606Reviews : 69 EstherShe woke . She didn 't know where she was . She was in another white room , but it wasn 't her white room . Her white room had drawings of her friends on the walls . This white room was clean . She didn 't like it . She sat up and realized my arms were bound in the Buckle Jacket . She hated the Buckle Jacket , it didn 't let her play with her friends . She struggled against her bonds . " No Buckle Jacket ! " She shouted , " Esther wants to play ! Esther wants to play ! " Sh started to throw herself against the walls . She screamed . Suddenly a voice over the intercom crackled to life . " Now , Esther , " it said , " We need you to cooperate . May we speak to one of your other friends ? " She shook her head , her tangled hair flying everywhere . " No Buckle Jacket , no , no , no . . . " She sat in the corner rocking back and forth muttering under her breath . Suddenly , a figure in a white suit came into the room . He took of Esther 's jacket and quickly left the room . " Esther ? " asked the voice over the intercom , " May we speak to one of your friends ? " She raised her head and in a deeper and stronger voice said ; " Ester is away . This is Pequin . How may I be of assistance ? " The voice over the intercom took on a relieved tone . " Hello , Pequin . We would like to know who all of Ester 's friends are . Please give us their names and what they 're like . This is for research . " Esther nodded and stood up . Her posture was ramrod straight and she walked with the confidence of an adult . " I understand this is for research . I 'm glad you came to talk to me . First , there is me , Pequin . I am twenty - six years of age and my extensive vocabulary is vibrant and vast . Next , there is Esther . A cute little one who loves with all her heart . Then , May , a terribly sad and always scared little girl . You 'll never hear a peep out of her . Denver , a playful soul who is into roughhousing and such . She 's really close to Theodore who also loves to play in the mud . Madison is my favorite , she is always calm and focused . And then . . . " Esther trailed off . She stopped walking around the room and was starinWill Solace IRL
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Sudanese Seek Shelter in Swampy Refugee Camp http : / / video . pbs . org / video / 2255209377 These are Northerners who have fled their bombed and burned villages to come into South Sudan . Unfortunately the UN cannot keep up with the need for boreholes , tents , food , etc . Many are stuck in this flooded / disease ridden camp on the Sudan / South Sudan border while they wait for the UN to allow them ot move to better refugee camps - - like the one on my beloved Doro . Today a couple of my teen friends dropped in for an impromptu visit . Karissa was with me and so we were able to talk quite freely , not limited by my Mabaan and Arabic . We chatted about our families , boyfriends , hair weaves , clothing , school , food , language , etc . They laughed at my Mabaan and I laughed with them . At one point one of them asked where my mother was and was I going home before Christmas . Well , we ended up giving them a geography lesson in an attempt to explain how far from Doro my home in America is . I was shocked to learn that they don 't even understand that Africa is a big continent with many countries and even more people groups and languages and that is is surrounded by water separating it from the rest of the world . These girls are 14 - 15 years old and blessed to be in 2nd and 3rd grade ( with very sporadic school attendance ) , but they didn 't even know this about their country or continent . To help you from their perspective a bit - - in Mabaan there is one word for home , village , town , country , continent , etc . It is a very limited language . Karissa and I used water bottles to represent the earth and the sun and how day and night happen at different times for us than you in America because of where we are and how the earth is always turning . You should have heard their exclamations of surprise and even disbelief ! It was so entertaining and so fun to watch , but also discouraging that their education is appallingly neglected . I sketched the world with the continents and then showed them where Sudan was , then South Sudan , then Doro and how we are such a tiny speck that we don 't even show up on the map of Africa . posted by Sheila @ Monday , July 16 , 2012 2 Comments Two weeks ago Nyajima , a two year old girl , was referred to the Nutrition Program after being assessed and treated in the Doro SIM clinic . Her mother reported a three month history of diarrhea , no walking or playing for about two months and a one month history of refusing all food . She was slumped in her mother 's arms : emaciated , weak , dehydrated and weighed about half of what she should at 5 . 3 kilograms . She was refusing food , having frequent bloody and watery stools , vomiting breast milk and medication , etc . For the first three days in our care I thought she would die of multi - organ failure due to her severly mal - nourished state . Her mother held her , bathed her and breastfed her but showed little interest in giving her the F - 75 milk formula for severe malnutrition which we provided every three hours around the clock . Her bony face held no expression and she would close her mouth when we offered the cup of milk . We provided a syringe and taught the mother how to give the milk slowly . Milliliter by milliliter . Nyajima was so weak her eyelids were making hood like shades over her eyes . However , she would swallow the milk a sip at a time when we put the syringe in her mouth . Her mother still did not seem to understand the necessity of getting calories into her - - or perhaps she believed she was going to die and did not have the heart to force the milk . She appeared depressed , never smiling , and she spoke little . We had great difficulty communicating with her as she is from a distant village and speaks neither the tribal language of our staff , nor Arabic . Occasionally a relative would visit and translate for us , but we felt she still did not fully understand our questions , instructions or encouragement . Nyajima actually lost weight in the first four days of her admission . On day five , after heroic efforts on the part of our staff to get more milk into her with the syringe , her weight began going back up toward her admission weight . However , there was little change in her expression , her energy level , her interest in dShe has two or three diarrhea stools per day and is still weak , but is making significant progress . Medically we have treated her for Amoebic Dysentery , Campylobacter , Thrush and worms . We have prayed for her daily and communicated with the mother that God is the one who heals . We have provided education , nutrition , encouragement , support and a friendly environment . Only God knows the outcome , but each day I 'm more confident that He has a plan into the future for this little one . We had told the mother at the time of admission that we would do what we could with medication , nutrition and care , but that God is the One who heals and that we were praying for her . My hope is that Nyabell , the mother , sees God 's hand of mercy and grace in this and that she will some day give Him the glory for the life of Nyajima . Today I visited Roda , one of my young girl friends at her " marriage house " . She ran away with a young man about a month ago - - that is the traditional way to begin " marriage " here in Mabaan . Now they share a tukul on the property of her family and for about two months the young woman is forced to stay within the house and a small grass enclosure that provides enough space for cooking on the gound , storing some watch containers , a bed and firewood . She isn 't permitted to be seen outside that enclosure . She was cooking kisera when we arrived . It is a thin bread cooked over a very hot fire with fermented sorghum flour mixed with water . She allowed me to try my hand at it and we all had a good laugh at the comedy of errors . Her hands , forearms , feet and ankles were covered with henna . Her head was uncovered . Her tukul scented with insense they use when entertaining as newlyweds . Two days ago they held the " Badida " - - one of the many events involved in the months of " marriage " traditions . She had her hair newly woven and the henna done for that party . She also had bleached the skin of her face and I missed the warmth of her usual dark , dark skin . Many of them believe beauty is to be found in lighter skin . She invited us to eat when we told her it was our curfew and we had to get home . Well , you have to be careful not to offend when offered food so Karissa said we could eat a little bit quickly . Well , a lot of food later we hurried home - - after curfew again . Oops . I 'm warmed by our visit with this beautiful young girl , learning to live as a married woman in this interesting culture that holds her captive for two to three months while her husband comes and goes as he pleases . Her oldest maternal auntie is responsible for training her in cooking , cleaning , mudding , etc and will decide when she can leave the forced secluded life and return to normal village life where she can come and go as she pleases . ( Seclusion isn 't the right word - - she can recieve female guests . ) She is in the process of marrying David , a young man who isRoda confidently makes kisera on a giddle over a stick fire just a few inches off the ground . It is so much harder than it looks ! I 've been blessed with the opportunity to spend four days of my quarterly Rest and Relaxation in Ethiopia . The bulk of it was spent in Bahir Dar , a Northwestern City becoming famous for Lake Tana and the mouth of the Blue Nile . Although it is dry season still , the area has great potential beauty ready to burst forth with the first few rains , expected anytime . I stayed with a Canadian family that has made Ethiopia their home for about two decades . Like much of Ethiopia , Bahir Dar has a war torn history . I actually procured a horn that is made of mortar from the war . In the mouth of an Ethiopian is makes a beautiful sound , it 's not so beautiful when blown by me . I love that some of beauty and functionality ( they use it as they go through the streets to gain people 's attention before making city announcements ) is coming from something that brought death and destruction many years ago . In the market place I smelled the strong odor of urine on a couple of women . Most likely those women have urinary fistulas . This is tragic condition caused by early marriage ( 11 - 13 years of age for girls ) where their bodies are two immature to be able to deliver a baby without extended labor and great difficulty . The multiple days of labor can result in damage to the pelvic area . For many of these women a surgery , or a series of surgeries , can repair the " hole " between their bladder and vagina that allows urine to leak , uncontrolled , malodorously , constantly . Many become outcasts in society and even a " shame " for their families and remain hidden away , abandoned by their husbands . Ethiopia is a fascinating country . To name a few things : It 's emperor for many decades was / is believed by some to be the messiah . Haile Selassie . The Rastafarian movement is a big part of that belief . The air smells of Eucalyptus in areas where the trees grow tall and proud . This was the scent that greeted me when I walked out of the Addis Abeba airport upon arrival . I believe it is the only country in Africa which has not been colonized , though it was occupieMonday , January 23 , 2012 Jan 21 , 2012My father is dying . This complex man : father , encourager , preacher , alternative treatment enthusiast , supporter and would - be comedian is finishing his time on this side of eternity . It is 2 : 24am and I sit sleepless and sad beside his ICU bed . He has chosen to have Do Not Resuscitate status and so I am torn between wanting him to be comfortable and in control of his own outcome ( as much as God allows ) but otherwise wanting him to accept the medical treatment options available to him . Part of my jet lagged brain screams , " No , we cannot just let him die ! How can it be ethical to allow nature to take its course when there are so many options available . " But the prevailing thought is that he made the choice to die a natural death when his mind was still good and I can honour him but supporting that decision . Dad 's condition has been deteriorating for a couple of decades . His care for himself was a complicated and inconsistent regimen of a myriad of natural supplements and miracle cures and a disdain for FDA approved pharmaceutical medications . He firmly believes in a number of unorthodox things like IV Vitamin C for deadly diseases . For years he took several herbal supplements to cleanse his body of toxins all the while eating chemical laden processed foods . I guess he would be described as a stubborn man , but there is sweet naiveté about him and the way he makes decisions for himself and sticks to his guns regardless of the criticism . We did not realize how sick he was before this illness . He has had atrial fibrillation for 11 years and as he refused the recommended medications , his body has grown weaker and weaker . We do not know when the Congestive Heart Failure began but now his body is weak and his heart is not pumping adequately . His kidneys have recently become damaged and so his body is filling up with water causing respiratory failure . For three and a half days he has worn a machine that pushes oxygen filled air into his lungs for him as his own breathing was inadequate . He has told us seveposted by Sheila @ Monday , January 23 , 2012 2 Comments Today I discharged a little malnourished girl for whom we have been providing care for over a month . I couldn 't hold back the tears when her mother , Tubia , walked away with her . Instead of a " discharge " due to resolution of an illness , we discharged her because there is nothing more we can do for her . We referred her to a facility where she can receive TB treatment . We cannot officially diagnosis TB without lab and x - ray , but due to the process of elimination and the treatment we provided for all the other possibilities , we are pretty sure that is the problem . Unfortunately the closest TB treatment is a few days walk away . They are trying to catch a truck going that way this evening . Leaving the village to come to our clinic is one thing . But to go some days away to a strange city is a big emotional and family challenge for pretty much anyone we refer to Malakal . There is big fear of the unknown among the Mabaan . Many choose to allow death to occur in the sick person rather than to face separation from family and village for an unknown length of time . Butha has persistent Kwashiorkor type malnutrition - - that is the kind where the body swells due primarily to a lack of protein in the diet and a breaking down of the blood vessel walls . It can also be related to severe anemia or tuberculosis infection . Butha has consistently had edema ( swelling ) in spite of medications for malaria , worms , giardia , thrush and pneumonia . She also gradually developed a good appetite - - but the edema didn 't go away as it does in most children when they go through our program . posted by Sheila @ Sunday , December 11 , 2011 0 Comments This morning we learned that Titus , a lovely older man who was bitten by a rabid dog two months ago succumbed to death after a week of suffering pain , muscle spasms , insanity , hydrophobia and confusion . Jima , a little malnourished boy who came on Thursday and was making great progress died this morning . He was making gains every day and was out of the woods as far as we were concerned . Yesterday I thought I would discharge him into the outpatient nutrition program this afternoon . However , I guess the grandmother wasn 't pleased with his progress and took matters into her own hands . After he died this morning ( after Dickson spent almost the whole night at the clinic saving him ) we learned that the grandmother had fed him leaves and herbs yesterday . That explains why he suddenly became so sick and not in any of the usual ways we see life threatening illness - - usually respiratory infections , dehydration and malaria are the things that kill , or almost kill . Dickson said he couldn 't understand what happened because the boy was doing so well . The other inpatient families told us about the leaves and herbs AFTER he died and the family took him away . They saw what the local " medicine " did to him . Something in the leaves or herbs slowed down his heart and breathing rate and he just went into death quietly - - a type of poisoning I guess . The grandmother was probably sure she was helping . I wish the other families who observed this had told Dickson last night when he could have done something about it . This was the young mother 's first baby . Please pray for her comfort and that the grandmother will learn from this tragic mistake . Later in the morning I treated a woman for snake bite . She is suffering great pain and walked for hours on the swollen , painful leg to get medical treatment . She will be ok , but will have pain for a few weeks . Angelina , a tiny , wasted malnourished child was given a concoction of roots by a witch doctor about 2 weeks aog . She has not spoken or eaten since , but finally drank some special milk for malnourisposted by Sheila @ Monday , October 24 , 2011 1 Comments Today a couple of my teen friends dropped in for an impromptu visit . Karissa was with me and so we were able to talk quite freely , not hampered by my limited Mabaan and Arabic . We chatted about our families , friends , hair weaves , clothing , school , food , language , etc . They laughed at my Mabaan and I laughed with them . At one point one of them asked where my mother was and if I were going home before Christmas . They wanted to know how long it would take to walk there as that is how distances are measured when you live in the bush . When learning that it would be impossible to walk to my home to visit my family they were primed to hear about how big the earth and solar system is . It blew their minds that it takes over a whole day to fly to America because they do know a bit about planes being fast because of regular exposure to our charter plane that drops us into and takes of out of their lives . We ended up giving them a geography lesson in an attempt to explain how far from Doro my American home is . I was shocked to learn that they don 't even understand that Sudan is one of many countries in Africa and that Africa is just one of the seven continents . I shared a bit about people groups and languages and that Africa is surrounded by water separating it from the rest of the world . These girls are 14 - 15 years old and blessed to be in 2nd and 3rd grade , but they didn 't even know this about their country or continent . To help you understant their perspective a bit - - in Mabaan there is only ONE word for home , village , town , country , continent , etc . It is a very limited language . Because of a lack of education and opportunities , their world view is very , very small . They call the English language " Tuuk Khawaja " meaning the language of the white foreigner , not understanding that there are many European languages . I didn 't get into that yet , a lesson for another day . Karissa and I used water bottles to represent the Earth and the sun and how day and night happen at different times for us than you in America because of where wposted by Sheila @ Monday , October 10 , 2011 0 Comments Tomato ( yes , that really is her name ) came to us unconscious but moaning in the arms of very worried family members . We started treatment for cerebral malaria but she soon went deeper into a coma without speech or movement . We sustained her with IV medications , injections , cool sponge baths and suppositories for fevers . At the 72 hour mark she moved for the first time on her own . With closed eyes she reached with her hand and touched her ear . I think I danced in celebration . The next morning I called her name loudly several times in her face and she slowly and weakly opened her eyes . What an exciting occasion ! She either lapsed back into the coma or went into a deep sleep after that but a few hours later opened her eyes again and swallowed a bit of water from a syringe . We are so thankful . Cerebral malaria is scary and a quick killer . Sometimes people come to us complaining of mild malaria symptoms for weeks - - this usually would be one of the three less severe / sudden onset kinds of malaria . In those kinds of malaria people often survive without treatment but are weak and sick for a long time . But with Falciparum ( cerebral ) malaria often an unconscious person will be brought who has been sick for only a day and they are already near death . Quick action is necessary . I 've seen strong , other - wise healthy young adult men be flattened by it to the point of fainting within hours of the onset . Falciparum malaria is caused by the bite of the Anopheles mosquito . The female anopheles mosquito is the one who carries and transmits the condition . She needs a very warm climate and requires a " blood " meal to be able to reproduce . The males survives on nectar and other sources of sugar . The males do not bite humans . The female is not damaged by the malaria parasite she carries . . . but she will only live for about 30 days anyway . She has contracted the parasite from a blood meal she has taken as a young mosquito from a human with malaria . After about 10 - 20 days the parasite has matured in her to the point of being passed on through Sunday , September 18 , 2011 These are some of my new sisters . Between April and July seven young women vocalized a desire to know God in our village . I had them over for a small party and some spiritual encouragement . Rasala , right , is quite the poser . She picked up my sugar bowl ( a Nutella jar ) and proceeded to strike a series of poses with it . This one , where she was cracking herself up , is my favorite . She is the vivacious and lovely daughter of Giine , the lady who does some cleaning and washing for us . Ginne has Rasala in school ( she is one of the few teen girls I know who attends school regularly ) . I 'm excited for her future . posted by Sheila @ Sunday , September 18 , 2011 0 Comments As many of you know , I 'm a rather emotional person . I laugh - - and cry - - very easily . I feel things deeply and I think this is difficult for others to understand and they sometimes misinterpret what shows on the outside of me . Recently I cried at the clinic over the suffering of a boy with tetanus . I removed myself from the presence of the patient and family , but some of the missionaries , Kenyan staff and CHWs saw me . Later , I 'm sure the patient 's family could see the evidence of my tears on my face when I resumed care of him . A few days later , one of the Kenyans on our team told me she thinks I should never let the patients , their families or our staff see me crying as it might be construed as a lack of faith in God . While I appreciate her input and her attempt to help me understand her culture - - I don 't completely agree with her . I need to give this a lot of thought . Would you like to weigh in ? I 'm particularly interested in your thoughts if you are African or have lived in Africa for some time . Today I met a woman named Blessing ! This is a huge blessing to me ! While riding my bicycle with Karissa through a residential area of Bunj I heard someone say , " Hi Girls " , in a casual , friendly manner . Wow ! You have no idea how good that sounds when you are starving to chat with the women you live among ! I long for deeper relationships with the Mabaan women around me , but I 'm so limited by my small grasp on their language and their absolute lack of English . Before meeting Blessing , my friend and co - worker at the Nutrition Program - - Orpha , was the only Mabaan woman I knew who was fluent in English . Orpha is long - suffering with me as I deluge her with questions about language , culture , work , relationships , etc . Now I 'll be able to spread out my questions and not be such a burden to her . Blessing has just moved to the area and taken a job with the UN . We will become friends , I 'm sure of it ! Thankful ! This morning during personal devotions I heard a strange sounding plane pass over , but only gave it a moment ; s thought . About an hour later I learned that is was an Antonov , an old Russian bomber being used by the Sudan army . 30 minutes after it passed over us it dropped bombs on Kurmuk , a largish town in the disputed Blue Nile State . Fighting had ensued during the night in another town in that State between the Governor and the Sudan army , but I was unaware of this until I heard about the bombing . Needless to say my heart fell when I heard about this upsurge of violence in a new area along the border . There have been fighting and bombings taking place in South Kordafan State and the Abyei region , but it was limited to those two areas since Independence Day ( as far as we know ) until this week . After hearing this news and praying , I carried on with my original plans and spent the early morning preparing to lead devotions at the TBA meeting . This is a quarterly continuing education meeting for the Traditional Birth Attendants in our area . We provide them with information , pertinent to births in this part of Sudan , and with birthing kits so that they can help women have safer , healthier deliveries at home . Midmorning , during my time with the TBAs , a plane landed on the dirt airstrip near our compound . A teammate ran out to find out what was going on . It was an AIM charter plane that had just done an emergency evacuation of Kurmuk and Yabus , two towns just north of us . Both towns were bombed within minutes of this very plane departing from their airstrips . We praised God that they were removed safely just before the bombings occured . When I finished devotions with the TBSs I ran to the airstrip to greet the people who had been evacuated from Kurmuk and Yabus . Amazingly the conversations were relatively light . The people in Kurmuk and Yabus had a very stressful night and morning , learning of the need for their immediate removal around 3am - - but having the delay of waiting for a flight to come from Kenya to evacuate them . By the grace of God , everyone was able to smile , though the smiles of the two pilots were a little tight - - they were making a second flight into Yabus for two more missionaries who did not get on the first evacuation flight . After seeing the plane off to return for those missionaries , I went to my tukul and threw together an emergency bag in case we also needed to leave in a hurry . Thirty minutes after take off from our airstrip the flight returned with two shaken passengers who had been at the airstrip when the bombing occurred following the first evacuation flight . They had run for their lives into the bush at that time and made the decision that they needed to evacuate as well . However , they had to wait for the plane to leave its passengers with us in Doro and return . When it did return for them it was on the ground in Yabus for only a minute to remove them . Back on our airstrip in Doro the evacuees , nine in total , loaded back up and flew off for Kenya . Thank God for AIM missionary pilots John and Jay ! After waving them all off , I resumed my usual Friday afternoon ministry - - always one of the highlights of my week . Our nutrition program has an inpatient compound where malnourished sick children are admitted and monitored while receiving special nutritional milk formula every three hours and medications for their illnesses . The mothers and children ( strangers brought together by the diagnosis of malnutrition from many different villages ) live together in tents for a few days to a few weeks while we daily weigh , assess , feed and medicate them . On Fridays I go and cut the children 's dirt caked finger nails and do manicures and pedicures for the mothers and grandmothers . This is a treat for them as such things as fingernail polish , clippers and lotion are only possessed by the wealthy . While there I introduced the Mabaan women and children to bubbles ! Oh what fun ! One little girl shrieked in fear initially , but within seconds was giggling and trying to catch them . By the time I left , all the older children - who are not so sick - - were blowing bubbles and having a grand time . There is something about bubbles that lightens every heart . I arrived home wet , muddy and shivering as it rained while I was a the nutrition compound and I got a little wet trying to get everyone 's nails done . It drops into the 70s when it rains and when you are accustomed to 90s and 100s all the time , that is cold ! I kicked back for about 30 minutes with a book about inspirational women in the Bible and then helped my teammate Karissa prepare dinner for the team . We did our best to make Mexican food , something we sorely miss here in Sudan without cheese , chicken , salsa , guacamole , etc . As it is Friday night , our team is now having Movie Night in the common room watching a movie on someone 's laptop . This little escape from the reality of Sudan is a weekly indulgence for us . I 'm sitting this one out as I 'm so behind on correspondence and wanted some time to process this roller coaster day . This was an atypical day - - but one I wanted to share with you . God has been faithful in protecting our SIM team in Yabus and other ex - patriot friends working in Kurmuk , but we know that the nationals haven 't been removed from danger by any outside power greater than their own legs taking them into the cover of the bush and God giving them the strength and opportunity to do so . Our prayer is for them , that God will cover them with His feathers ( Psalm 91 : 4 ) , that He will show Himself powerful and a Rock of defense for them ( Psalm 62 : 2 ) . We ask Him to end the violence and bring reconciliation between Sudan and South Sudan , between governments and armies , between races and tribes . . . Galatians 3 talks about a world of people who are one in Christ and therefore reconciled to God and each other . Sudan is very , very far from that place , but ultimately that is why we are here and we do not lose hope . " Now that faith has come , we are no longer under the supervision of the law . You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus , for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ . There is neither Jew nor Greek , slave nor free , male nor female , for you are all oposted by Sheila @ Friday , September 02 , 2011 0 Comments My emotional nature often gets the better of me and I find myself with tears running down my face prompted by things that are only slightly sad , or with laughing too hard at something only marginally funny to others but that has me in stitches , or with tight anger burning in my chest - - with little provocation . Did God make me like this or is this my sinful nature ? Sometimes I can take intense sadness or frustration with some grace and respond the way most of the rest of the Christian world would in the same circumstances - - but other times I become an emotional basket case . This past week was a case in point . We had a 12 year old boy arrive at the clinic with tetanus spasms . I had never seen a patient with tetanus and I hope never to again . It is a extremely painful and distressing disease . The body begins this response 5 - 15 days after exposure to the tetanus toxin . First the jaws begin to get stiff and within a day the body goes in to repeated spasms where the muscles clench all at once - - creating what my Kenyan teammate refers to as the " Devil 's Smile " where the body arches backward creating an unnatural curve head to toe as the muscles contract simultaneously , painfully and completely out of control . Unlike some other conditions that are distressing , in tetanus , the patient 's mind is completely lucid so they are fully aware of how much they are suffering . For the first day of Abuth 's care I maintained decorum and did not cry as I provided care for him - - pushing sedatives through his IV to relax the muscles for a short time and giving him injections for the pain . I was oncall that night and the strain wore on me as I saw his condition worsen in spite of the increasing amounts of sedative I gave him . As his distress increased my poise was finally lost the next morning . I went out behind the clinic building and sobbed . I returned some 10 minutes later but the evidence of my tears was on my face . I 'm now told this could have been distressing to the family and made them think I had no hope for their loved one and / or no faposted by Sheila @ Wednesday , August 31 , 2011 1 Comments 8 : 00 Attend / lead clinic staff devotions - right now we are going through the Gospel of Matthew . Many of our South Sudan believing friends do not have the concept / see the value of reading the Bible on their own . This is a valuable time for all of us studying the Word together . If on - call ( every 3rd or 4th night and every third weekend ) there is always the possibility of the guard waking me to go to the clinic for an emergency or an IV that needs attention . Many days are not typical - - but this gives you an idea of how things go when they are routine and there aren 't any " fires " to put out . posted by Sheila @ Friday , August 19 , 2011 0 Comments June 28 , 2011Dear Friends and Family , Greetings from Doro ! This month marked one year for me in Sudan and I have been reflecting with amazement on the opportunities , relationships , miracles and life lessons that have filled my time . One year is merely a blip in time compared to the years most of my teammates have been on the field and I definitely feel like the baby of our group . It has been perhaps the best year of my life , albeit also the most challenging and heartbreaking . The needs here are great and it is easy to become discouraged with the limited impact we are capable of having . If you know the story of the starfish being thrown - - one by one - - back into the ocean after the storm left them stranded on the beach , you know what I 'm thinking … " It made a difference to that one " . The week of my one year anniversary I had malaria and spent most of the time in bed with debilitating fatigue . While grounded there I had some really amazing conversations with God and am now enjoying sweet times of refreshing with Him . It is too bad that I needed to be knocked off my feet to be still long enough for that to happen , but I am now able to appreciate that rather miserable week . It is nearing time for my quarterly break when I will leave Sudan for Kenya for about 11 days . I am feeling the strain of the work more than last year and am anticipating a step back from the intensity . It is time to recharge , reflect , shop for supplies , fellowship with other missionaries , and plan and pray without the daily demands of the medical work - which I love , but recognize its drain on my emotions . Some psychologists have determined that individuals working in environments such as Sudan need a break every 10 - 12 weeks and I am now a big fan of that recommendation . Before I came to Sudan it seemed excessive to spend such a large amount of my support on flights into and out of Sudan every three months , but now I am so grateful for SIM 's arrangement and requirement of quarterly rest . There are a few things in particular that I would like toposted by Sheila @ Thursday , June 30 , 2011 0 Comments Today I shared a remarkable experience with my Mabaan clinic co - workers . Usually on Thursday afternoons we close the clinic and do some continuing education training for our Community Health Workers . Instead of our usual medical lecture today we decided to show them the inspirational movie , Gifted Hands . I was a little concerned before we started about how they would perceive the racial issues in the ' 60s and ' 70s but it turned out it was the public displays of affection that made them the most uncomfortable . I 've never been more aware of how vastly different our cultures and world views are until today ! Throughout the movie I was trying to understand how they would perceive it and also enjoying / but nervous about their thoughts of American culture . If you haven 't seen it , Gifted Hands is a lovely , wholesome , inspiring movie of a young African - American boy who has very humble beginnings but through hard work , the encouragement and strength of his God fearing mother , and prayer he becomes the leading pediatric neurosurgeon in the US . Some of the awkward moments in the movie are 3 - 4 times when the young man briefly kisses his fiance in public . The Maaban watchers actually gasped the first time and then fidgeted with uncomfortable laughter . Let me help you understand where they are coming from . Mabaan husbands and wives do not sit together or even really talk to each other in public . If there is a need to go somewhere together they don 't even walk side - by - side to get there . The man walks in the front with the woman usually about 10 - 15 feet behind him . When they arrive the man goes and sits with the other men and the woman goes and sits with the women . They do not speak or interact at all . They certainly wouldn 't touch each other ! The men make all the decisions , have all the control , can beat their wives for no reason , wouldn 't ask a woman what she thinks , etc . Today my national friends saw the main character talking to , listening to , discussing his future together with his fiance and later as his wife , holding hands andposted by Sheila @ Thursday , June 16 , 2011 0 Comments Eyye , a extremely mal - nourished patient in our Nutrition Program - - encouraged to eat the speciality food - - Plumpy Nut . Tea and Cake with some of our neighbors . My first birthday in Africa came while I was at a team conference in Kenya . Real bday cake and candles surrounded by about 40 of my Sudan teammates . Feeding giraffe at a refuge in Kenya . One of the few touristy things I 've taken time to do . With the ladies in New Khartoum With the 2010 Doro Primary Health Care Center team plus visiting Dr Mike and Dr Rob . My first experience putting in sutures . Thanksgiving Day 2010 with my lovely friend Karissa . With my friend Orpha who works with malnourished children at the Nutrition Village . She is the only national woman who speaks English in my area . She is gracious to help me with language , culture - - tons of questions every time I see her . She translates for me when I do ministry at the Nutrition Village with the mothers once a week . With the 2010 class of Community Health Workers on the day of their graduation . At the UN peace keeping compound about a kilometer from where I live . This is how we cook - - over charcoal and it takes FOREVER ! This was the lovely group of girls who were on our team when I arrived . They have all gone back to America and Canada now and our team is much smaller . Seeing a patient at the clinic . Visiting my friend Roda ( far right ) at her home in New Khartoum within a week of arriving in Doro . The first baby I helped deliver in Doro . Our 2010 Community Health Worker team the day we sent Masir to open a satellite clinic in an area desperately in need of medical care . The people there were walking six hours to come to our clinic . Sushi night ! Well , sort of . . . A year ago today I left America for Sudan . It has been one of the best , if not the best year of my life . I am so thankful that God has allowed me to live and serve Him here . He is so good to me . posted by Sheila @ Monday , June 06 , 2011 0 Comments Today I learned that one of our best and most experienced Community Health Workers has taken a second wife and due to details in his contract with us - - this means he can no longer work with us . I 'm filled with disappointment and concern . I haven 't heard his side of the story , but from this side , I just cannot see why he made this choice . A shared meal with ladies of the Green City church back in July 2010 . Roda is the one with her hand on my shoulder . In my first month of life in Doro Sudan I accompanied SIM team members to a church in a town called Green City about an hour 's walk away . After the service we were welcomed into the tukul of a woman named Roda . She was only the second Maaban woman here that I met who spoke some English - - though her English isn 't much better than my bit of Arabic . . . Anyway , I really felt like we connected , but the next couple of times I visited that church I did not see her . Today I was working in the clinic and saw her so I greeted her warmly and sat down with her on the cot where she was waiting to be assessed . She was there to be seen for complications in pregnancy and possible preterm labor but I would never have known from her demeanor . She was so delighted that I recognized her that she grabbed hold of me and didn 't let go for a while . She took off the handmade bracelet on her arm and put it on me and then sat arms linked with me . As a touchy feely person I just ate that up ! The Maaban are not big huggers , but they are hand holders . I appreciate the touches I receive so much ! This is the way here - - we can become close friends after only one meeting and pick up where we left off . : ) Her medical condition is very troubling . On Wednesday she had been carrying a load of heavy wood on her head and began leaking what she though was amniotic fluid that day as well has having abdominal and lower back cramps . The leaking continued but slowed on Thursday and she arrived in our clinic on Friday after an hour 's walk - - a long walk is the last thing a woman who is threatening to miscarry needs - - but here it is almost completely unavoidable unless the patient has connections with owners of the few cars in town or can afford the equivalent of about $ 8 to hire a donkey cart - - but few of the common people have money like that . We assessed the fetus to be at seven months gestation and were able to find a strong fetal heart tone after a Saturday , April 23 , 2011 This afternoon I went off happily to visit some Maaban ladies with my fellow missionary , Karissa , who is very good with the Maaban language . Our lighthearted afternoon quickly became sad . We arrived at our friend Ula 's compound to find her laying on a cot outside her home . She did not greet us with her usual enthusiasm and we could tell something was wrong . She told us that her husband decided to take a second wife . When she told him she didn 't agree to it he began to beat her . She has a broken hand and a painful , still swollen eye and temple from where he struck her with a handmade weapon called a bwam about two weeks ago . He has already built a house on their property for the new wife . Ula said the woman came briefly and left . She said if she comes and remains that she , Ula , will leave their husband . Ula is one of the strongest and most respected women I know in Maaban County . Realizing how badly she is being treated - - and knowing we nor she can do anything about it - - is heartbreaking , frustrating and despairing . Women have very few rights in this culture . The men have a right to beat them but are not allowed to kill them without consequences . They are free as far as culture is concerned to practice polygamy . Karissa and I prayed with her , tried to express our care and support for her and left in tears . As we walked home deep sobs wracked my body . There is such a helplessness in us when we see our people suffering , often as a result of someone elses greed , pride , anger or lust . I do not understand this culture yet . Please pray for Ula as she decides what to do . In other marriages in this tribe I 've heard that the woman must bear with the choice of the husband and even though the women in the village don 't approve of polygamy , they won 't speak up in defence of the first wife . They do not believe it is their right or the right of the first wife to resist the humiliating , frustrating and non - Biblical practice of polygamy . They stay silent ( at least officially ) and let the men do what they do - - they are the ones with the posted by Sheila @ Saturday , April 23 , 2011 1 Comments Today I arrived back in hot , dusty Doro after four months and three days of uncertainly . It is wonderful to be back and I feel giddy about seeing my Maaban friends and co - workers , but at the same time , the knowledge that the next month is going to very busy and most likely stressful , dampens my enthusiasm down to brimming excitement and ridiculously wide smiling every time I see an old friend and share a long , pumping handshake or hug with them . Within two hours of our rather bumpy dirt airstrip landing I found myself at the clinic assessing a burn patient . Fortunately , though the burns were significant and painful , she will be ok . The race to the clinic following the call of " you have an emergency patient " , with the unknown condition of the patient waiting for us had me nervously telling a co - worker " I 'm not in medical mode yet ! " Thankfully I found that my needed " medical mode " kicked in when I arrived . It was super to be back and to be helping a person in need . Love it ! So thankful to God for this opportunity to serve Him .
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Mr . Neb ( SEPTEMBER 99 ) I have never met Nancy , my Internet pen pal . We exchanged emails and the occasional ICQ message . We have never ' chatted ' . The subject matter was always intelligent , provocative , risque ' , loaded with double meanings , but so far , not very graphic . Surprisingly , we have learned quite a bit about each other in regards to our sexual preferences . Oddly , our preferences and interests are very similar . Our emails and messages were the fodder of my fantasy and fantasy is the fuel of masturbation . That was the task now Ôat handÕ . ( Pun very much intended . ) The house was quiet . The windows in the bedroom were open , allowing the gentle cool breeze to continually refresh the room . The sun was setting , casting a warm golden glow throughout the room . Naked , I laid down on top of the sheets of the freshly made bed . Anticipation alone provided me with a complete erection . I laid there motionless for just a moment . My penis , now eight inches of stick - straight erectness , subtly throbbed with each heartbeat . My cock and scrotum , shaved completely , were tickled by the delicate air currents . I began to recall what I knew of my correspondent . I created her from my previous mental notes . Slowly , her image appeared to me , blonde , voluptuous , naked and tanned . She drifted before me . She could see me in my present state and smiled with approval . My virtual lover began her encouragement . Her hands caressed her body , sliding along her hips , her waste , her stomach , and then to her breasts . She seductively licked her lips just as her fingers slid over her hard red nipples . She smiled again at me and firmly massaged her breasts , pushing and squeezing them , as I would have . My body began its all - to - familiar routine . A glycerin - like drop appeared at the tip of my cock . This would be just the beginning . My production of such lubricant , as with the eventual product of my climax , was always remarkably abundant and verged on an anatomical oddity . We had exchanged a related bit of information . We both enjoyed the wetter aspectNo comments : By Michael ( Aug 99 ) A warm spring day in November down by the river soaking in the quiet of the bush , apart from the birds going about their business . I just love it ! It is my own special part of the world I escape to enjoy nature and my own company . I am sure no one else is aware of it . I ride my mountain bike from my property down a well worn trail by now , snaking through the eucalyptus towards the river gums hugging the waterway slowly gliding along it 's path to places unknown to me . I reach my favourite spot amongst the trees perched on a small hill overlooking the bend in the river . From where I sit I can see upstream and downstream and along the foliage underneath the canopy of trees , where the birdlife is so prolific . The river is about 10 metres wide on the bend at this time of year and gradually dropping as the rains disappear . Although it is a reasonable width , it is not very deep , probably up to a metre right now . The opposite side is lower land with not as much vegetation , really it is quite a contrast . There is a grassy bank running down from a clump of trees down to the waters edge , made up of washed sand forming a small sandbar right on the bend . There is an old tree trunk , that has been washed down the river in some flood years ago , now embedded on the bend probably adding to the build up of the sand at the bend . It really adds character to this part of the river , my river ! My usual routine , when I take the time out to relax , is to leave home around 10am . It takes about 45 minutes to ride my bike there , good exercise I keep telling myself . I always take plenty of water and enough food to keep me going , together with my binoculars used for bird watching . Sometimes a towel if I fancy a swim , otherwise shorts , T shirt and joggers is enough . Weather permitting , I love to be part of nature and generally shed my clothes , just sitting , walking in the bush stark naked . It feels fantastic and so free . I can only begin to think how the aboriginals felt in similar surroundings , maybe even at my very favourNo comments : By Jimmy ( Aug 99 ) I hadn 't seen Kathy for ages when I suddenly stumbled on her one beautiful summer day . We spoke for a while and she asked me to pay her a visit . I agreed and the same week , on a Friday , about half past six I went to see her . She seemed very pleased to see me and invited me in . " Time to go to bed " , she told her five - year old son , who was still awake . I watched some TV meanwhile . After a while she entered the room and looked as sexy as ever before . I was 25 at the time and Cathy about 33 . She offered some tea and we drank it and spoke about old memories at the same time . After a while she asked if a wanted to see some movie and I agreed . She had a couple of films recorded and we sat down in front of the TV to decide what to watch . She was dressed in a white thigh blouse , a small skirt and white stockings and looked very sexy . She had some trouble to get the recorder to work and we sat down in front of the TV , trying to get it work . She had a white carpet , very soft to sit at , on the floor . Suddenly she gave me a kiss . She laid her left hand on my lap and caressed my thigh . I felt an eager building up and she felt the tension and kissed me again . Her tongue was in my mouth and she straddled me . With her in my lap my cock was getting very hard . Her breast in front of me didn 't exactly make me feel less eager to have her . She moved her hips and her lower parts massaged my cock outside of my jeans . " I want your cock inside me " she whispered in my ear . I quickly unbuttoned her blouse reviling her lovely breasts , as she wore no bra . She helped me to remove my socks , trousers and T - shirt . My cock was making my shorts look like a tent . After removing them also she was stroking my cock and then bent down and licked the top of it . She placed it in her mouth and started sucking . It felt fabulous ! To have this hot - headed woman taking my rod deep in her mouth was fantastic . I moaned and she stopped and straddled me again . I kissed her breast and her neck . Then lower , down to the breast again . I played with her nNo comments : by Clark Hanson ( Aug 99 ) I am a 32 - year - old executive PA who has been through two false starts in the marriage stakes . I cannot stand to be physically involved with the male ; the thought of it , having tried it is abhorrent to me . Yet I am a highly sexed woman and paradoxically , when aroused and randy I crave penetration ; to have my cunt stretched round something hard . I have till recently relied on DIY to satisfy my need and have accumulated a collection of dildos to help and enhance my pleasure . My other passion if not a fetish is clothes , if I look and feel good , I feel sexy and my evening meal has on many occasions had to wait for me to relieve the sexual tension that has built up through the day . My outer work clothes although smart and fashionable have tended to be a little frumpish in order to avoid my 5 ' 10 " size 16 figure attracting unwanted male attention perhaps making me look a little older than my 32 years . However , my underwear has been a totally different matter . I love the feel of silk and satin and the constraint of basques and waspies . If and when I wear knickers , they are usually french . I recently changed employers and found myself working for a woman , Jane . Because she had worked hard to ascend past male colleagues , she is a hard but fair taskmistress . I like working for her and the excitement she generates around our office . She is as tall as myself but a little rounder , I have found out since she is a size 18 . I now know that she is 39 years of age . Where I dressed to smother my figure , Jane accentuates her statuesque form . She invariably has a ' V ' neck line showing the upper slopes of her ample breasts . Her skirts and dresses ; she never wears trousers , always hem on or above the knee exhibiting her well - formed legs . Her discerning eye soon realised that I was hiding myself and she asked me why . When I told her of my fear of male attention , she told me not to be so negative , to be proud of my shape , she thought I " looked gorgeous " . The bottom line to this was that evening , we went to dinner togeNo comments : By Azaxel ( Aug 99 ) Some people get crushes on their teachers . Not me , plus I never had a good - looking teacher , until my senior year in high school . One of my teachers caught my attention , not because of her looks , at first , but because of her age . She looked like she was 21 ( I later found out she was 26 ) . A lot of guys in the school thought she was hot . I thought she was very attractive , but not hot . She did have a very good body . She was 5 ' 7 " , 120 pounds , long blond hair , and brown eyes . She had a tight ass and medium sized tits . I won 't give her real name , so I 'll call her Ms . G . Now Ms . G was a funny teacher , but kind of strict . Her class wasn 't the best , or the funnest to be in . She gave us a lot of work . I was only in there for a semester and when it ended I had mixed emotions . As a person and a teacher , I liked Ms . G , but I wasn 't sad to be out of her class . A couple of weeks into the new semester , we had to research a career and find someone to study in that career . I chose teacher . I had a hard time finding a teacher to study , but Ms . G gladly agreed to . So when the day came , I showed up to her room half an hour before school , as she requested . She was wearing black overalls with a tight , tan colored shirt underneath . Her outfit showed her features well . The day started easily enough . Ms . G guided me through her lesson plans for the day . To make you familiar with the schedule at that school , we have block - scheduling . You have three classes a day . There are A and B days , so you have A classes and B classes . The school days go A day , B day , A day , etc . This was a B day . In between the first and second classes is a 15 minute break . In between the second and last class is lunch . Each class is 1 hour and 40 minutes long . After going over lesson plans , the bell rang and Ms . G 's B1 class came in . The class was boring . They just did a group assignment all period . I observed as Ms . G instructed the class and helped out the groups when they needed it . The first class ended . Ms . G and I went down to the office , made coNo comments : By Mr . Neb ( Aug 99 ) God , was I nervous ! I had practically been shaking since I got the news of my promotion and transfer . I had only been with the firm for a few weeks . Sure , I felt that I was doing a fine job but I had no idea that the CEO even knew who I was , much less was in a position to assess my abilities . So there I was , all dressed up , and attending the CEO 's private party in the Executive Conference Center . Looking around , I was even more amazed at my presence . All around me were all senior executives , all men and dressed in Armani suites . They were a lot older than I was and with a lot more experience . They were all chatting and giving that ' corporate chortle ' at the bossâ little jokes . And there was the big boss , right in the middle of it all , surrounded by lackeys and wannabes . Hey , I 'm not criticizing . I just couldn 't figure out why I was there ! The hours wore on and I hadn 't had more than two conversations the whole evening . I just wandered around , trying to fit in , and taking advantage of the lobster canapŽs , caviar , and expensive champagne . By the time the group started to thin out , I was feeling pretty loopy . Around the time when there were only about five of us left , I figured that I would make my unnoticed departure . Just as I reached for the handle on the finely carved mahogany doors , they swung open and in walked the CEO . ' Where are you going , ma boy . Stick around . I have to talk to you later . ' The boss just swept right on by . Wow ! The head gonzimocker actually spoke to me . ME ! What could the CEO and Chairman of the Board want with ME ? I sat in the plush chair against the wall next to the door , staring into my umteenth glass of champagne , wondering why I was to remain . It wasn 't long before the last of the Italian suits walked past and out the doors . He patted me on the shoulders as he left and said , ' Hang in there son . ' ' Come with me son ' , the boss beckoned . We walked through another set of doors into the CEO 's private office . Like the conference room , it was decorated in exquisite deeply eNo comments : By Alan ( Aug 99 ) I presume that I am like many married men - I have fantasised about my wifes past experiences many times without ever wanting to show too much of an unhealthy interest . I married Sue twenty five years ago , when we were both 17 , so it was a bit surprising when she gradually began to tell me how she had been raped twice by men who knew her reputation , and that she had not only been involved in threesomes and moresomes , she had also taken part in a gang bang with at least eight men . Sue wasn 't sure on the exact number because they all had her at least twice . Over the years I began to wish that Sue was a horny as a married woman as she was as a teenager . I tried to imagine that when she went out with girlfriends she was really meeting men , and when we had sex after her return I would be pretending she had been fucked by a boyfriend . I even told her many times while we had sex that I wouldn 't mind if she had boyfriends , but she would always say " Don 't be silly " . Sue always looked great when she was off out with her girlfriends . Stockings and suspenders , sexy undies , lots of make up and jewellry . No wonder I was always waiting in bed naked for her when she came home . One night I could hardly wait , I remembered that she had always kept a diary when we met as teenagers , and I decided to look through her personal possessions hoping to find it , although I did actually remember her destroying it when we married . Just maybe there would be something to give me more details of her teenage exploits . But no , there was just the old boring photos at the bottom of her pantie drawer . When I looked in the last , bottom drawer I found it was very stiff , and wouldn 't push back . I took it out completely and underneath I found two boxes that were catching under the drawer . What I found was amazing . I had only a few minutes before Sue was due home , and I had found diaries that covered the first fifteen years of our marriage , and envelopes full of photos of my sexy wife in dresses I had never seen . Some in our house , the ones I firsNo comments : by Tinker , December 1993It happened while I was walking through the city center with a girlfriendduring a nice , but not too hot summer day in August . We had been visitingsome friends and decided to walk back to her place where I had left my car ( we had gone to our friends by bus , since parking is just next toimpossible in the city center ) . On the way home , we had got something todrink at a nice terrace at the market square ( too expensive for theservice , of course ) and now we crossed a beautiful park area , with theusual lawns , pools , ducks and children running around . It was then that sheturned to me and said : " Shit , I should have gone to the bathroom at thatplace on the market " . Of course I casually remarked : " Well , this place isn 't exactly fitted for apee , is it ? " while looking around and seeing everybody running around withno sheltered spot anywhere near . She nodded and added : " Still , I 've to go * bad * . Where is the nearest pub ? " Unfortunately for her , the closest placewhere we could possibly find a public bathroom was the market place , fifteen minutes behind us . Stupid cities with all action concentrated inone place and the rest being only offices and houses . And parks of course . We decided to go on and try to reach her house , which was still ten minutesor so to go . After one more minute of walking , she suddenly went off thepath and crossed the lawn towards a few bushes . " Sorry , I 'll try it here . I * really * need to pee " , she said . Looking for a spot where she couldsuccessfully squat down without being noticed , she almost ran around thebushes only to find a children 's playground at the other side . Rather angryshe came back to me . " Grrr who has designed this park . They should forcehim to wet his pants , " she mumbled , and I could notice that she crossed herthighs under her wide skirt . I wanted to try something . " Well , maybe this park was designed by a woman , you know . Back in the fifties or so , when almost every woman still woreskirts . Like you do now . " She lifted her eyebrows and looked at me . " What ' sthat to do with the aNo comments : Back in 1993 , I started writing erotica . I found a woman named Susan who ran an adult site , and to drive traffic to her site , she posted other people 's stories . I was one of her contributors . The site died out , but I did not want these stories to die out as well . Here is my attempt to save these erotic stories . I will not edit them , other than to take out double - spaces . And I will attribute the stories as they were attributed on the now defunct adult site . Some of the stories had links to erotic pictures , though I am not sure that these pictures are of the people who wrote the stories . Probably a ploy to drive traffic and increase arousal - not necessarily a bad thing . Some of the stories are disturbing to me , but in the interest of preserving online erotica , I will publish them as well . Because of the volume of online erotica that was once housed at this site , I may not read all stories I post . Some of the erotica is well - written , some is poorly written ( with spelling errors , grammatical errors , etc ) . I will not edit these stories , as I want to preserve the original authors words as closely as I can . And I plan to post every Monday , Wednesday and Friday . I blink a few times as I pull myself out of a dream . The room is still dark and you breathe softly behind me still in your own dreamland . Lifting my head o . . . Yes . Its a serious question . A lot of men ask for anal or choking or deep throating or squirting or all of the above these days . Sliding a dick into a p . . . I 've been remiss . I 've been busily writing elsewhere and neglecting the thing that started it all , this blog . Ok , so I wrote a piece in Adult Magazine on " . . . 97 - 98 - 99 - 100 . A glance in the bathroom 's mirror shows a boyfriend watching her brush her blonde tresses . Never exactly knew why he enjoyed . . . When my boyfriend and I decided to move into together I was so happy . It was like playing house with out actually having to be bound by an oath . I loved . . . I have been working on stories but they aren 't really coming to me . I need some more inspiration to write . I have one in my head of an old lover but someho . . . I 've got my period . This makes me murderously cranky and yet yowly like a cat in heat . In other words , I want to fuck you and then fuck you up . I get sent a lot of sex toys to review . But as much as I love sex toys , I also love reading . I like reading erotica , I like reading sex writing , and I like . . . For those of you who love to read my stories , thanks ! Also , you can find similar " stuff " if you collect on the below links . These hubs are for non - commercial blogging sites !
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My nephew and niece are up today and that means much loneliness for me . Occasionally I have to step in and say stuff like , " Okay guys , time to clean that up , " or , " I think you guys should eat now , " or , " Do I have to tie you guys up to the flagpole , pull you up to the top and let you flap in the breeze for the rest up the day ? " But really I 'm mostly left by myself as the kids drag out board games , barbies or craft supplies . Catherine even manages to mediate most of the tiffs and hurt feelings ( " I 'll deal with it Mom " ) . Talk about feeling left out . Never fear though . there 's always the Internet and a Google search for history lectures can turn up some marvelous finds to occupy a bored mom ( Don 't say that . Of course I know there 's always cleaning but I don 't want to go there , thank you very much ) . 12 Byzantine Rulers is a fantastic series of lectures by Lars Brownworth . Ever thought all the fun died when Christianity came into the picture ? Not so ! the Byzantine rulers could be every bit as fantastic or depraved as any of the emperors before Constantine . The politics , people , wars were as interesting . . . And Mr . Brownworth does a wonderful job with an even and engaged delivery . Next time the kids don 't need you or you 've managed to lock them in a closet for a bit , have a listen . I 've been up at my mom 's the last couple of days . It was just a quick trip but we managed to squeeze quite a bit into it . Yesterday we went to the Fundy Geological Museum where I was surprised to discover that the rock and mineral samples , particularly amethyst , held as much wonder for Catherine as any of the fossils and casts of dinosaur bones . Harry was the one that run around the dinosaur exhibits while Catherine stood glued to the mineral exhibit trying to work out how to pronounce the names . The trip to the gift store was interesting . Catherine piled up on all kinds of sciency goodies : Geodes , polished rocks , a rock that grows crystals after a week in vinegar , little plastic tubes that you compress and then release to shoot across a room and an old fashioned toy that I can 't describe and will have to post a video of later . Harry choose a plastic magic wand that made a whooshing sound and had a blinking LED light . I tried to steer him away from the wand to something I considered more appropriately reflective of a museum gift shop but he was not persuaded and in the end , it was all he wanted . And he knew what he was doing of course . That wand hasn 't gotten a rest since and has sparked some wonderful imaginative play . We bundled up our loot and headed for the Age of Sail Heritage Museum which is only 5 minutes from my parent 's house . It 's a small community museum with exhibits that mostly come from the basements and attics of the local people . And it has everything . There was a dinghy , model ships , an old turn - of - the - century kitchen , models of the local wharf when it was a ship building center , documents , household goods , woodworking tools , a snowshoe for logging horses ( ! ) . . . Catherine was most impressed with a blacksmithing forge and anvil on display . When I told her of another attraction a couple of hours away from our home that had a working blacksmith shop she got excited and decided that HAD to be our next trip . I think the blacksmith shop was something she was familiar with from fantasy books and that 's wPosted by If you 're a true geek then you ' 've been waiting years for the release of a game called Spore from the gaming god , Will Wright ( of Sim City and The Sims fame ) . Spore is a life sim that should take the player from a one - celled organism through to getting a civilization into space . And it 's coming in September . That sound ? That 's the squealing of millions of joyful gamers all around the world . Today I downloaded the demo version of the Spore Creature Creator and since then , the kids and I have created dozens of creatures . It 's a blast to do and the possibilities , even with the fairly limited choices in the demo version , are almost endless . Needless to say , tommorrow there will be a purchase of the ten dollar full version of the creature creator . One neat feature of the creator is that when you 're finished you can make a video of your creature and upload it to YouTube ( someone in marketing needs a whopping promotion ) . The creativity on display on YouTube is wonderful . People are using it to create beautiful little creatures : Weird and wonderful beasts : Human beings : And even dirty words and sexual acts ( Just search for " spore mating " on YouTube ) Crazy . But I think this is just a hint at what Spore will do . It 's not meant to be consumed by the end user , it 's meant to be controlled by the end user . And it 's a pile of fun . Everything 's possible . Shannon got the position in the nearby town we were hoping for . Now we 've got a foundation under us . Now we can sit down and talk about what the future is going to hold . Most of the discussion will be about real estate . I 'll be gunning hard for a duplex in the nearby town that 's cheap enough that we can still hold on to our current house . He 'll be wanting to stay here for a little while in case he wants to bid on a job that may be opening up out this way . Either way , it 's freedom . It 's the freedom to discuss and debate and choose between real choices and the freedom to act on those choices . How weird . Excuse me , I have to go scream now . UPDATE : Now I have to sit and sigh , big time . As it turns out , something went a little funny in the bid process and now my dear husband IS going to the town that 's 7 hours away . No new house yet . Hopefully , he 'll only be there for a few months . Darn it . Strangely though , I 'm not that disapointed . Knowing where he 's going is better then the uncertainty we had before . But still . . . Darn it . Catherine is at a Guides campout tonight and tomorrow . It 's happening at a horse farm where the 18 or so pre - adolescent girls will all get riding lessons for a day . I don 't envy the Guide leaders . Campout . Horses . Girls . I think I 'd rather walk over slippery river rocks with vials of nitroglycerin strapped to my chest . Much less explosive . I did it . For the first time ever I have the party of one of my children planned at least two weeks in advance with invitations ready to go . Usually parties are a much more last minute affair and end up with us either paying for some package , like a movie theatre party or just inviting people over with no real plan while the kids go wild . Not this time . Kids will arrive at a local wildlife park after lunch where our first activity will involve spliting them into groups headed by an adult with a digital camera . Each team will get a list of clues . They 'll have to figure out what animal the clue refers to and then head to the enclosement where they 'll have to get a picture of the animal ( or the info sign ) and a picture of them acting like the animal . I 'm not sure if I 'll bring the laptop so we can giggle at the pictures or send them cds after the fact . Once that 's over with we 'll head to the nearby picnic park . At the picnic park we 'll do an animal craft . After the craft we 'll eat cupcakes and open presents . If there 's time to kill after that we can play animal charades . The only hitch would be rain but if it does rain , we 'll simply be brave and get wet . That 's why I 'm opting for cupcakes rather then a cake , easier to distribute in case of dramatic downpour . So that 's it . It 's planned . Invitations go out today . Two weeks before the party . I astonish myself sometimes . Well , you don 't all annoy me ( but the generality makes for a punchier title , eh ? ) . Just those of you on atheist message boards who are all reasonable and clear thinking when it comes to religion or politics but become irrational weenies who resort to anecdotes and unsupported claims when the subject of homeschooling comes up . It 's the willing devolution into Lessenberrys that gets me . This is especially bad when the whole reason I go to atheist message boards is for the clear - thinking , rational discussions . Yes , I like the snark and cursing too but it 's mostly the other stuff . What frigging right do those posters have to dash my expectations of them ? What right do they have to get so messy , emotional and . . . human ? Over at Mommage there 's a post that brings up a lot of the usual questions about homeschooling . Venice mentions that she came close to homeschooling several times , never taking the plunge because things would improve at school . She was also bothered by two things : One was the lack of social interaction , and the other was the fact that I am not a teacher and am not qualified to teach . I have to think Venice can 't actually have come too close to homeschooling because those two questions are fairly basic and a little research would have dealt with them quickly . The first one is an easy one . I 'm quite sure that if most parents with the socialization concern gave a few moments thought to all the socializing their children do outside of school they 'd see why homeschoolers look puzzled when the matter is brought up . In the last week my daughter has gone to soccer practice and a game , a school dance with her cousin , performed in a concert , and has had neighbourhood kids knocking on the door nonstop . Tommorrow night she heads out for a Girl Guides camping trip to a horse farm ( Yes , I know you all just winced at the thought of me dealing with a 9 year old girl who 's been bouncing off the walls with excitement for the past couple of weeks . Yes , I know I have your sympathy ) . School is simply one place where socialization happens . When a kid doesn 't go to school , other oppotunities for socialization present themselves . Very often they 're opportunities schooled kids might not have any chance to experience , like my daughter 's work as a helper at a preschool where she mixes with younger children and adult teachers . I can 't make the case my kids will get the same socialization as schooled kids but that 's not something I 'm interested in anyhow . It will be different but different is not a bad thing . The teacher thing seems trickier on the surface but really isn 't . In the past I 've given my reasons for not worrying about my lack of qualifications but another thought often reassures me . I haven 't yet met a teacher - turned - homeschoolerPosted by Come Wednesday there will be a bid process that will determine where my husband will have his first real position . The two possibilities are a town that 's a good 7 hour drive away in another province or a town 30 minutes away that 's actually where we would want to build in a few years . If he gets the neaby town we 've decided we 'll look at buying a duplex there . Prices are low and we could buy one , live in it , rent the apartment and possibly hold on to our current property and rent it as well . We 'd still be building off grid in a few years , we just wouldn 't have to try to make our tiny house work for us in the meantime . So if my posts are short , dull and uninspiring for the next few days , it 's because I 'm preoccupied . I 'm imagining a bigger house by fall , looking at all the real estate websites and hoping , hoping , hoping . Today was Harry 's preschool graduation . Despite the fact that he enjoys preschool when he 's there , getting ready to go isn 't something he always enjoys and when he realized there was no more preschool after today , his reaction was along the lines of , " Thank the Lord ! " A picture of how cute they looked before the concert . Since this is my blog I have every right to torture you with movies of the concert . But , since I am a kind and caring blogger I will only subject you to two . The first movie was a dance . A group of kids , Harry included , decided they wanted to dance on stage to I Want to Move it . The boys gave the stage a good butt - polish ( Harry is the tall one in the white shirt and red vest ) . Note the girl that doesn 't move . She is not afraid . She was giving the audience a death stare because we dared laugh . My husband cut off the video too soon and missed the part where all the kids exited the stage but her . She stood there , staring daggers at all the parents , until my sister managed to talk her down . This worries me . She 's obviously destined for a life of world domination and unfortunately , marked Harry as her betrothed several weeks ago . Poor lad . The next video is of Catherine . She was the Special Helper at the preschool this year and while the other kids got their certificates the teachers surprised Catherine with a bouquet of flowers . What 's in the video though is her reading her favourite poem , Let No One Suppose , by James Reeves . She was confident , clear and even added some nice emphasis in parts . I was wearing a huge , goofy grin through her whole reading . Just a note : My husband did the video . If it had been me the lighting would have been better and I would have zoomed in . As it is I 'm going to have to have Catherine into the studio for looping . * sigh * Amateurs . I 'm still sick but I just got up an hour ago so while I have a clear and rested brain I 'm going to post something . For the first time since we cut off the cable TV I 've been missing it . Reading requires to much focus , as does web surfing , as do puzzle books . Vegging in front of a The People 's Court ( yes , I secretly love that show . No time for Judge Judy or Judge Joe Brown but Judge Milian rocks ) with a bowl of throat - soothing ice cream is about all I 'm good for and the one thing I now can 't do . Okay , not really . Trust that I will always find a way to veg in front of a TV when given a good excuse . We happen to have the first season of Stargate SG - 1 and the entire run of Firefly on DVD . The husband and I consider them educational investments , key to raising good geeks . So Monday and Tuesday were passed with the kids and I watching Stargate . We found out something interesting . The first episode of Stargate contains nudity . Not a little bit either but an extended scene of full frontal female nudity and much breastiness ( my spellcheck doesn 't like that word but I think it sounds fantastic ) . The kids giggled a bit . They 've seen nudity in movies before so it wasn 't a big deal for them . Just a bit of a shock for the recovering prude of a mom . Fortunately I remembered that I am now a hip and progressive mom and that meant nudity was fine and I relaxed and simply watched the scene with the kids . While the nudity went by with nothing more then the giggles a bit of gruesomeness that followed got me a sharp look from Catherine . A parasitic creature emerged from a woman 's belly in search of a new host . Sort of Alien like but more schlocky , this being TV and all . " Mom . . . Harry . " " Huh ? " " Harry might be scared . Should he be watching this ? " Catherine loves a good orc decapitation as much as I do but Harry is a bit of a more sensitive soul . He just can 't handle the gross stuff like the women folk . But with this he seemed fine . I think it makes a difference when you 're watching something in daylight with your family on a somewhat craPosted by Apologies for the break in blogging . I 've got a head cold ( the second in a month ) and am sort of useless with anything that requires prolonged thought and attention . Be back when it 's better . A local church holds a big yard sale once a year and yoday was the day so Catherine and I got up early and arrived at the church just in time for the opening of the doors . We got tons of neat stuff . Tons . The biggest hit ? Okay , aside from the soft stuffed Thomas the Tank Engine that Harry is currently snuggling with . Why something I picked up just because it was 25 cents and not because I had any real expectations of it : It 's a kit with cards that have words and corresponding pictures on them . The words are actually punched out so that the foam letters that come with the kit can be placed in the holes in order . I thought it was gimmicky when I saw it but when Harry saw it ? He loved it . He 's been playing with it , off and on , since I brought it home . Again , having something to hold in his hands ( like the Math - U - See blocks ) and manipulate seems to make all the difference for him . He 's sorting the letters , fitting them in , telling me their sounds and then spelling the word . Hands on . That 's the key with him . At some point I 'll remember that for good . BTW - the only information I could find on the books was here , at the website of a company that sells books through people 's place of work . A weird setup but apparently the only place the book is sold . This is as good as it gets - five hours of science lectures by the Dawkins Himself ! You can buy the DVDs or simply watch the lectures , Growing Up in the Universe , for free here . You can also download them if you choose . Yes , yes . I know you love me . Catherine likes to stump my husband and I with math questions . A couple of weeks ago it was , " Mom - x times x plus x times purple equals twelve . " She thought it was tough . My husband and I talked about it , Catherine and I discussed it and over the course of a day and separate conversations this is what we came up with : First , we limited the variables to positive whole integers . Second , x times x could instead be x squared and x times purple could instead be expressed as xp . Third , x squared has to be a square number smaller then 12 . After that it was easy and we came up with two solutions . What really told me Catherine was doing okay though wasn 't her original question . It was that whole , positive , integer , squared and condensing x times purple to xp were all things she understood . Not to mention notation , order of operation and the whole idea of variables . I looked back on it after and realized in that one question of hers and the subsequent conversations she 'd demonstrated quite a bit of knowledge and more then that , could put it all to some use . Most of the time it feels like we 're stumbling through this homeschooling thing blind but every once in awhile I look up and see just how much territory we 've put behind us and I 'm amazed . I met a friend while the kids were in preschool ( Harry attends , Catherine works ) and she took me to the house of a friend of hers . She had mentioned something about solar power and I had an idea that maybe she meant solar panels so I was interested . And then we pulled up to house . It was my dream house . It was bermed with earth on two sides . It had windows along it 's South - east side and a HUGE wall of windows that went to the roof line facing south . By solar she had meant the whole house was heated by passive solar power which was pumped through the house via duct work . It also had a wall of cinder block in the central living room where a wood stove would be for cold , cloudy days . The water would be partially heated by solar panels . The bedrooms were compact and cozy ( there 's some imagination involved there as the inside walls were framed but not drywalled ) and the main living space open and bright . It was big , 1900 sq . feet , but not a monster house . I have the name of her designer and builder , Don Roscoe , tucked away now . The man doesn 't know it but he and his solar house have just stepped into my daydreams . I was shopping this week . Tuesday was a trip to the local thrift store where I found that the hundreds of books they once had were almost all gone . Apparently they felt they just had to much ( which they did ) and so invited some used book buyer down to clear out most of what they had . All that was left was a half dozen shelves and they 're apparently going to keep it that way . At first I was disappointed . Now there was very little stock to peruse . Then I realized , hey . there 's very little stock to peruse ! What used to take me an hour and cause a bit of anxiety because I knew there was a treasure at the bottom of that pile in the corner that I couldn 't get to now takes 10 minutes and I can see every single book they have . I spent more there Tuesday then I ever had before and got some great stuff . The best buys ? The Young Engineers Book of Supertrains . This is a fantastic book filled with great text and colorful illustrations . It has everything from cutaway views to information on different types of trains to experiments you can try with your young train nut to strange and record - breaking trains . The only problem ? Try to find it . True to form I found a wonderful book that seems to be out of print and not widely available . Google turned up some places like EBay where it could be found but you may have your work cut out for you . The Nature of Florida 's Waterways / The Nature of Florida 's Neighborhoods : I think these must have been bought by a Snowbird , a Canadian retiree who winters in Florida but I 'm not sure . The books are filled with pen and ink illustrations of Florida wildlife and interesting text that describes a bit about them . Catherine has been keeping them by her bed . First to look at the pictures and then to hunt down little people the author / illustrator has inserted into many of her drawings : I think she plans to read them next . I 'm really glad I got these , plan to get more of the series and really wish there was something similar for local wildlife . Highly recommended . Being a homeschool mom often means people make certain assumptions about you . Some are negative but many are positive but the funny thing is that the positive assumptions can be just as damaging as the negative ones . Why ? Because the assumptions create a void where understanding and commonalities get swallowed up . If the school mom assumes that you , the homeschool mom are a crack organizer or a whiz with home cooked meals then she may not make any effort to relate to you , may cast you as an " other " . After all , she can 't discuss the stress of juggling soccer , dance and homework or the many ways to make a ten minutes meal out of hot dogs and canned soup with you , can she ? The assumptions also hurt those of us in the homeschooling world . I don 't have my act together and often suck at being a parent but I just know all the other moms have their act together , right ? I read blog and forum post full of effective cleaning schedules , kid brags and homeschool success . Must be just me that can 't get my act together . . . Maybe I 'm not cut out for this after all . Of course , it 's all bullocks . I realized that today while reading the blog of Doc , who after four kids and ages as a homeschooling mom is having doubts and regrets . We just simply don 't take the brave step Doc did and let other people see where we doubt , fall down and even fail . Here 's the immense value of what Doc did : School moms may read that and realize we aren 't super moms free from doubt and homeschool moms may realize that even the old hands at homeschooling can still feel the fears the newbies do . This kind of confessing and sharing may help cross the divide that Dana addresses in a most excellent post . Letting people know our faults can accomplish more in crossing divides then kid brags or lists of famous dead homeschoolers ever will . In that spirit I have two confessions , one big and one somewhat less big . The first should be apparent to anyone who 's read my blog for any length of time . I am horribly inconsistent . I jump from gimmick to gimmick , curriculum to currPosted by This is an absolute must read . Over at Beyond School , CBurell has a fantastic post that details the history of large classes and the grading of children . Here 's a snippet of what he had to say ( in a quote from a comment he made on another blog ) : Large class sizes plus the GPA game transforms students into grade - junkies , and teachers into mere graders . My evidence : I 've had about 50 students ask to meet to discuss their grade this year , and how they can raise it . I 've had three ask to meet to discuss how to write better , read poetry better , or otherwise " learn from teacher . " My take - away : they see me as a grade - giver , and school as an instrument for getting them into college , not a place to learn . But you 've got to go read the whole thing . There are extensive quotes from Thom Hartmann ( who will be familiar to ADD folks ) on the chap , William Farish , who came up with the system of larger classes and grading children that is so embedded in our culture today most people can 't even begin to imagine education without it . There are informative links galore , especially in the comments and I guarantee you , it 'll be one of those reads that just solidifies those Jello - y thoughts that previously sloshed around in your head . If you ever have a hard day and traditional schooling is singing a siren 's song in your head , go back to that post . It will rescue you . I 've been a little complacent about Facebook . I signed on , added friends , liked connecting with people . . . Well , I was on today and a family member I hadn 't spoke to for ages chatted with me . It was fantastic . It happened to be a family member that 's been in the back of my mind for awhile . This woman is brave and independent and someone who , even if we weren 't related and I 'd just met her , I 'd want to know . The only problem is that she 's on the opposite side of the country . A relative I 'd love to have over for supper , see tickle the kids , drink a few beers with and she lives an eight hour flight away . Sheesh . So I love Facebook now . It 's the neatest thing . And if you do visit my blog Cousin , I forgot to say it in our conversation but I love you too ! Catherine and I started reading Faery 's Tale Deluxe today . This is going to be part of our summer fun and will include my nephew who will be coming over once school ends in two weeks , so we 're getting familiar with it now . The first thing I read was part one of a story that runs through the book . It 's sort of an introduction to the world of the game and gives the kids a flavour of how the game will run . We then went on to read the summaries of the the characters the kids can choose to be : pixies , brownies , sprites and pookas . Sprites don 't have magic but they are warriors and form close bonds with animals friends so , of course , that 's what Catherine wants to be . Catherine was already drawing as I read , designing her character and thinking about what other classes of faeries we could design and bring into the game . I 'm optimistic that storytelling will follow , maybe written stories . I 'm also wondering about how this might benefit the kids beyond writing and drawing . Faery 's Tale deals with the world in miniature . All of the characters that the children can choose to be are no more than a few inches tall . If they 're out playing in the yard or going for a walk will they start looking at the details of plants , at the tiny animals , at the pebbles and twigs to try and understand the scale of the world their alter egos live in ? Heck , could we collect some of the things they find and construct figurines their characters ? The houses they might live in ? It 'll be interesting to look back on this in the fall and see where it 's taken the kids and I . Giveaway of the Day is giving away All My Books , a piece of software that might be of use to many of us who own piles and piles of books . Here 's a description : Group and browse your collection of books by title , author or publisher , or run a quick search by any field . You can even define your own fields to label the books , such as comments or memos , and search them later . What use would be an electronic book organizer if you had to spend hours to catalogue your entire collection ? All My Books does not ask you about every little detail about the book . Instead , it implements a revolutionary way to create and organize your collection . Just enter the book 's title or ISBN number from the back of the book , and All My Books will retrieve the rest of the data automatically from the Internet . The only hitch is they are only giving the software away today AND you have to download register and install it today . If you download it but don 't install it today , you won 't be able to in the future . Just thought I 'd let people know because this certainly seems like software a lot of us an use . I was talking about role playing games a few posts ago and mentioned that , " And now I have to go look around the interweb because I am SURE I saw a whole creative writing program based on an RPG . " I found it . It 's called Legends of Druidawn and there 's not only an ebook available for download but a whole ' nother site , The World of Druidawn , where it looks like students can talk and submit stories and art . Very neat and for $ 39 . 95 it may be a good deal for some . Me ? I think I 'll stick with the The Faery 's Tale ( which I have purchased but haven 't read yet ) . From what I remember simply playing a good rpg without any extra creative writing program was enough to get me scribbling down stories and characters ideas . One note on looking for rpgs though , if you 're new to them you might want to make sure to look for a D6 system . That simply means it uses the plain old six - sided di that all of us have in drawers or old Monopoly games . Some systems use some more exotic dice that you 'll only find in a gaming store . I learned today that the ever - so - famous , retired Episcopal BishopJohn Spong was speaking in town . That would have been tonight , only $ 20 and I could have had a ride in . * sob * But I was already committed to going to my in - laws for a birthday B - B - Q for my Mother - in - Law . The truth is that I 'm not really torn up about this . I have the most fantastic in - laws and had a great time today . I just wish Mr . Spong could have been a little more considerate of my family commitments and held his talk tomorrow . Then I could have had a blast with my family and graced Mr . Spong 's lecture with my presence . Darn . And I have the pictures to prove it . This was a beautiful tropical plant my husband brought my on my birthday last fall . Where there 's green , there 's hope I suppose . If I ever remember to give it water . A Venus fly trap and some anonymous thing my daughter gave me for Mother 's Day . Not even my love for my daughter and my appreciation for her gifts can save the little anonymous thing . Same problem here , no water . The Cacti . I am even causing some of the cacti to keel over with thirst . This is the Aloe Vera plant which I actually did quite well with . I even re potted it . However , I suspect one of the kids thought it needed watering because the poor thing is is rotting . My one success . These are baby Oaks that we grew from acorns . But I always do well with them when they 're that young . It 's right about now that I start to abandon them . I am very good with outdoor plants though . I suspect this is the case because even though I 'm as negligent with them , at least they have they rain . Poor baby oaks . I 'll have to get them into the ground soon or it 's the reaper for them . The Math - U - See blocks are a hit . They 've been played with every day since they arrived . Sometimes it 's mathy play with me but more often Harry is building tunnels and ships ( they 're more popular than Lego right now ) . Today he was using the Hundred block as a base and on top , building mazes with the other pieces . I think I 'd recommend those blocks over the cuisenaire rods any day . School ends in just a little while so that means instead of four of us here most weekdays ( me , my kids and my niece ) there will be five as my 8 year old nephew joins us . That means I need something to occupy us all on occasion and something that will help me in my sinister plan to plant deep geek seeds in my sister - in - law 's children . Not to mentions RPGs are fantastic for math , storytelling , critical thinking and a whole slew of other skills . First stop - two very simple and quick to learn rpgs , one for a walk outside and one for the table . The Nighttime Animals Save the World ! All you need to play this game is a pocket full of coins . Everyone picks an animal and imagine that the animal is traveling with them as they walk . From the environment , the game master picks obstacles and challenges , the kids come up with solutions and the coins are used to resolve success or failure . I can 't wait to try this oneThe Adventures of the Good Knights and Other Stories Looks simple ( is a little vague actually ) and has a fantasy theme . This , like the last one , puts a lot of emphasis on the GM 's story telling skills . Examples of play for both of these games can be found at Roleplaying Games for Kids . A site that helped a lot when I was looking for RPGs was RPGS for Kids . It 's a well thought out pages that includes links to games specifically for kids as well as ones that are suitable for kids ( though not made for them ) and ones that can be tweaked or simplified for kids and links to pages where you can find out how to tweak them . It also has links to articles and email lists so it 's definitely the first stop for any budding Game Master . At that site I found two games I am more than likely going to buy , I just need to figure out if I want them as books or in PDF form . Faery 's Tale Deluxe looks like a fantastic introduction to the more formal RPGs . The Big Night has a Christmas theme , simple game play that a child could probably direct and seems like it has the potential for a lot of humour ! And now I have to go loo around the intePosted by I 'm am so late with this . . . Carnival of Canadian Homeschoolers Carnival of Homeschoolers ( as a note , I got almost NO hits from this despite my submission . Or maybe my submission is why ? It was the science post ) Carnival of Education I was having a bit of a day today . It was overcast outside and that was reflected in my mood - quiet , sullen and lazy . I don 't know if my six year old saw that or if he was just in a makeover mood but in he came to where I was sitting , holding a hairbrush . " Mom , take that off please , " he said motioning to the do - rag on my head . I did . He took the brush and for a good ten minutes brushed my hair , carefully pulling through some of the small knots ( my hair procedure in the morning amounts to washing it in the shower and then covering it up ) . I 'd sneak a peek and see that look of concentration where his eyes were fixed on the job and his tongue was almost , but not quite , sticking out the side of his mouth . He stopped for a moment , I heard a sound and then he started smoothing my hair with his hands . " Harry ? Did you just put spit in my hair . " " Yes Mom . It makes it smooth . " Ah . Okay . Once he was satisfied he wandered off and I though he was done . Not quite . Back he came with a small plastic butterfly hair decoration and a string of purple dollar store beads . He clipped the butterfly in my hair and put the beads around my neck . " Now you look beautiful . " I thanked him and hugged him and he went off to play . I have no idea what inspired him but darn it , he made my day . For ages I 've wanted to pick up Math - U - See . I had two intentions . One , to get Harry on a regular math program and two , to give Catherine review because she really loved the approach in the Math - U - See demo DVD . So I 've been on the lookout for months on used curriculum sites and email lists . Then I decided to unschool again and thought I might just pick up the ever - so - much cheaper Miquon to use as play with our Cuisenaire rods . But you know how , when your ride is late for some important thing and just as you give up and head to the phone to see what 's holding them up , they appear ? Well , just a couple of days later on a Canadian used curriculum list up popped the old Math - U - See Foundation and Intermediate programs for $ 70 . That 's a whopper of a deal for what 's basically four Math - U - See levels . Forgetting all about unschooling and Miquon , I pounced and miraculously , was the first person who responded . 15 minutes after I said I 'd be delighted to buy them I remembered that I 'd just committed to spending $ 70 on something I has decided not to use . Cue nausea . Because I 'm a coward I didn 't tell the seller I wasn 't interested . I still bought it and figured Catherine would still love the videos . Of course now I had a math program without the all important and somewhat expensive math manipulatives . Cue second wave of nausea . I ordered the starter set of Math - U - See blocks ( I was committed now ) and waited . The program hasn 't arrived yet but the blocks came today . We ran up to the post office , got home and tore into the box . The kid 's eyes lit up . Catherine played with them for an hour and had a ball . Harry got into them shortly after and darn it all , if all that nausea wasn 't for nothing . The cuisenaire rods were fun but it 's with the Math - U - See rods that Harry is actually connecting the manipulative with numbers . It 's obvious why when you take a quick look at the two kinds of manipulatives : Or it would be obvious if I took a better picture ( blue is MUS , orange is cuisenaire ) . The Math - U - See rod has the ones marked right on itPosted by Dana wrote the best bit on Educational Anarchy . ImPercetibility made the button : My contribution ? Just a link to a most excellent BBC radio show , In Our Time , which explores the ideas and history of Anarchism . It 'll give anybody interested a good quick run down of the matter . What did I take from it ? A lot but most vivid might be the idea that when anarchy is used as an accusation it 's often by people who have control over others against those who want to exercise control over themselves . This came to me courtesy of Lorraine , who frequently comments here but refuses to be lured into creating her own blog . Put a Little Science in Your Life It 's a fantastic op - ed piece that communicates the wonder many people feel when they think about and get involved in science . But here 's the thing . The reason science really matters runs deeper still . Science is a way of life . Science is a perspective . Science is the process that takes us from confusion to understanding in a manner that 's precise , predictive and reliable - a transformation , for those lucky enough to experience it , that is empowering and emotional . To be able to think through and grasp explanations - for everything from why the sky is blue to how life formed on earth - not because they are declared dogma but rather because they reveal patterns confirmed by experiment and observation , is one of the most precious of human experiencesLater . . . If science isn 't your strong suit - and for many it 's not - this side of science is something you may have rarely if ever experienced . I 've spoken with so many people over the years whose encounters with science in school left them thinking of it as cold , distant and intimidating . They happily use the innovations that science makes possible , but feel that the science itself is just not relevant to their lives . What a shame . Like a life without music , art or literature , a life without science is bereft of something that gives experience a rich and otherwise inaccessible dimension . The night sky is inspiring enough but to look up at it and realize you are looking back in time ? To wonder at the fact that every time you blink you 've defeated the incredibly weak force of gravity and yet it 's the force that holds our universe together ? To drink a glass of water and know that one element in a water molecule is as old as the universe ? To have a cold and understand that means your body is now an epic battlefield between defenders and invaders ? To know that there 's a lab on earth right now where humans aPosted by
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My nephew and niece are up today and that means much loneliness for me . Occasionally I have to step in and say stuff like , " Okay guys , time to clean that up , " or , " I think you guys should eat now , " or , " Do I have to tie you guys up to the flagpole , pull you up to the top and let you flap in the breeze for the rest up the day ? " But really I 'm mostly left by myself as the kids drag out board games , barbies or craft supplies . Catherine even manages to mediate most of the tiffs and hurt feelings ( " I 'll deal with it Mom " ) . Talk about feeling left out . Never fear though . there 's always the Internet and a Google search for history lectures can turn up some marvelous finds to occupy a bored mom ( Don 't say that . Of course I know there 's always cleaning but I don 't want to go there , thank you very much ) . 12 Byzantine Rulers is a fantastic series of lectures by Lars Brownworth . Ever thought all the fun died when Christianity came into the picture ? Not so ! the Byzantine rulers could be every bit as fantastic or depraved as any of the emperors before Constantine . The politics , people , wars were as interesting . . . And Mr . Brownworth does a wonderful job with an even and engaged delivery . Next time the kids don 't need you or you 've managed to lock them in a closet for a bit , have a listen . I 've been up at my mom 's the last couple of days . It was just a quick trip but we managed to squeeze quite a bit into it . Yesterday we went to the Fundy Geological Museum where I was surprised to discover that the rock and mineral samples , particularly amethyst , held as much wonder for Catherine as any of the fossils and casts of dinosaur bones . Harry was the one that run around the dinosaur exhibits while Catherine stood glued to the mineral exhibit trying to work out how to pronounce the names . The trip to the gift store was interesting . Catherine piled up on all kinds of sciency goodies : Geodes , polished rocks , a rock that grows crystals after a week in vinegar , little plastic tubes that you compress and then release to shoot across a room and an old fashioned toy that I can 't describe and will have to post a video of later . Harry choose a plastic magic wand that made a whooshing sound and had a blinking LED light . I tried to steer him away from the wand to something I considered more appropriately reflective of a museum gift shop but he was not persuaded and in the end , it was all he wanted . And he knew what he was doing of course . That wand hasn 't gotten a rest since and has sparked some wonderful imaginative play . We bundled up our loot and headed for the Age of Sail Heritage Museum which is only 5 minutes from my parent 's house . It 's a small community museum with exhibits that mostly come from the basements and attics of the local people . And it has everything . There was a dinghy , model ships , an old turn - of - the - century kitchen , models of the local wharf when it was a ship building center , documents , household goods , woodworking tools , a snowshoe for logging horses ( ! ) . . . Catherine was most impressed with a blacksmithing forge and anvil on display . When I told her of another attraction a couple of hours away from our home that had a working blacksmith shop she got excited and decided that HAD to be our next trip . I think the blacksmith shop was something she was familiar with from fantasy books and that 's wPosted by If you 're a true geek then you ' 've been waiting years for the release of a game called Spore from the gaming god , Will Wright ( of Sim City and The Sims fame ) . Spore is a life sim that should take the player from a one - celled organism through to getting a civilization into space . And it 's coming in September . That sound ? That 's the squealing of millions of joyful gamers all around the world . Today I downloaded the demo version of the Spore Creature Creator and since then , the kids and I have created dozens of creatures . It 's a blast to do and the possibilities , even with the fairly limited choices in the demo version , are almost endless . Needless to say , tommorrow there will be a purchase of the ten dollar full version of the creature creator . One neat feature of the creator is that when you 're finished you can make a video of your creature and upload it to YouTube ( someone in marketing needs a whopping promotion ) . The creativity on display on YouTube is wonderful . People are using it to create beautiful little creatures : Weird and wonderful beasts : Human beings : And even dirty words and sexual acts ( Just search for " spore mating " on YouTube ) Crazy . But I think this is just a hint at what Spore will do . It 's not meant to be consumed by the end user , it 's meant to be controlled by the end user . And it 's a pile of fun . Everything 's possible . Shannon got the position in the nearby town we were hoping for . Now we 've got a foundation under us . Now we can sit down and talk about what the future is going to hold . Most of the discussion will be about real estate . I 'll be gunning hard for a duplex in the nearby town that 's cheap enough that we can still hold on to our current house . He 'll be wanting to stay here for a little while in case he wants to bid on a job that may be opening up out this way . Either way , it 's freedom . It 's the freedom to discuss and debate and choose between real choices and the freedom to act on those choices . How weird . Excuse me , I have to go scream now . UPDATE : Now I have to sit and sigh , big time . As it turns out , something went a little funny in the bid process and now my dear husband IS going to the town that 's 7 hours away . No new house yet . Hopefully , he 'll only be there for a few months . Darn it . Strangely though , I 'm not that disapointed . Knowing where he 's going is better then the uncertainty we had before . But still . . . Darn it . Catherine is at a Guides campout tonight and tomorrow . It 's happening at a horse farm where the 18 or so pre - adolescent girls will all get riding lessons for a day . I don 't envy the Guide leaders . Campout . Horses . Girls . I think I 'd rather walk over slippery river rocks with vials of nitroglycerin strapped to my chest . Much less explosive . I did it . For the first time ever I have the party of one of my children planned at least two weeks in advance with invitations ready to go . Usually parties are a much more last minute affair and end up with us either paying for some package , like a movie theatre party or just inviting people over with no real plan while the kids go wild . Not this time . Kids will arrive at a local wildlife park after lunch where our first activity will involve spliting them into groups headed by an adult with a digital camera . Each team will get a list of clues . They 'll have to figure out what animal the clue refers to and then head to the enclosement where they 'll have to get a picture of the animal ( or the info sign ) and a picture of them acting like the animal . I 'm not sure if I 'll bring the laptop so we can giggle at the pictures or send them cds after the fact . Once that 's over with we 'll head to the nearby picnic park . At the picnic park we 'll do an animal craft . After the craft we 'll eat cupcakes and open presents . If there 's time to kill after that we can play animal charades . The only hitch would be rain but if it does rain , we 'll simply be brave and get wet . That 's why I 'm opting for cupcakes rather then a cake , easier to distribute in case of dramatic downpour . So that 's it . It 's planned . Invitations go out today . Two weeks before the party . I astonish myself sometimes . Well , you don 't all annoy me ( but the generality makes for a punchier title , eh ? ) . Just those of you on atheist message boards who are all reasonable and clear thinking when it comes to religion or politics but become irrational weenies who resort to anecdotes and unsupported claims when the subject of homeschooling comes up . It 's the willing devolution into Lessenberrys that gets me . This is especially bad when the whole reason I go to atheist message boards is for the clear - thinking , rational discussions . Yes , I like the snark and cursing too but it 's mostly the other stuff . What frigging right do those posters have to dash my expectations of them ? What right do they have to get so messy , emotional and . . . human ? Over at Mommage there 's a post that brings up a lot of the usual questions about homeschooling . Venice mentions that she came close to homeschooling several times , never taking the plunge because things would improve at school . She was also bothered by two things : One was the lack of social interaction , and the other was the fact that I am not a teacher and am not qualified to teach . I have to think Venice can 't actually have come too close to homeschooling because those two questions are fairly basic and a little research would have dealt with them quickly . The first one is an easy one . I 'm quite sure that if most parents with the socialization concern gave a few moments thought to all the socializing their children do outside of school they 'd see why homeschoolers look puzzled when the matter is brought up . In the last week my daughter has gone to soccer practice and a game , a school dance with her cousin , performed in a concert , and has had neighbourhood kids knocking on the door nonstop . Tommorrow night she heads out for a Girl Guides camping trip to a horse farm ( Yes , I know you all just winced at the thought of me dealing with a 9 year old girl who 's been bouncing off the walls with excitement for the past couple of weeks . Yes , I know I have your sympathy ) . School is simply one place where socialization happens . When a kid doesn 't go to school , other oppotunities for socialization present themselves . Very often they 're opportunities schooled kids might not have any chance to experience , like my daughter 's work as a helper at a preschool where she mixes with younger children and adult teachers . I can 't make the case my kids will get the same socialization as schooled kids but that 's not something I 'm interested in anyhow . It will be different but different is not a bad thing . The teacher thing seems trickier on the surface but really isn 't . In the past I 've given my reasons for not worrying about my lack of qualifications but another thought often reassures me . I haven 't yet met a teacher - turned - homeschoolerPosted by Come Wednesday there will be a bid process that will determine where my husband will have his first real position . The two possibilities are a town that 's a good 7 hour drive away in another province or a town 30 minutes away that 's actually where we would want to build in a few years . If he gets the neaby town we 've decided we 'll look at buying a duplex there . Prices are low and we could buy one , live in it , rent the apartment and possibly hold on to our current property and rent it as well . We 'd still be building off grid in a few years , we just wouldn 't have to try to make our tiny house work for us in the meantime . So if my posts are short , dull and uninspiring for the next few days , it 's because I 'm preoccupied . I 'm imagining a bigger house by fall , looking at all the real estate websites and hoping , hoping , hoping . Today was Harry 's preschool graduation . Despite the fact that he enjoys preschool when he 's there , getting ready to go isn 't something he always enjoys and when he realized there was no more preschool after today , his reaction was along the lines of , " Thank the Lord ! " A picture of how cute they looked before the concert . Since this is my blog I have every right to torture you with movies of the concert . But , since I am a kind and caring blogger I will only subject you to two . The first movie was a dance . A group of kids , Harry included , decided they wanted to dance on stage to I Want to Move it . The boys gave the stage a good butt - polish ( Harry is the tall one in the white shirt and red vest ) . Note the girl that doesn 't move . She is not afraid . She was giving the audience a death stare because we dared laugh . My husband cut off the video too soon and missed the part where all the kids exited the stage but her . She stood there , staring daggers at all the parents , until my sister managed to talk her down . This worries me . She 's obviously destined for a life of world domination and unfortunately , marked Harry as her betrothed several weeks ago . Poor lad . The next video is of Catherine . She was the Special Helper at the preschool this year and while the other kids got their certificates the teachers surprised Catherine with a bouquet of flowers . What 's in the video though is her reading her favourite poem , Let No One Suppose , by James Reeves . She was confident , clear and even added some nice emphasis in parts . I was wearing a huge , goofy grin through her whole reading . Just a note : My husband did the video . If it had been me the lighting would have been better and I would have zoomed in . As it is I 'm going to have to have Catherine into the studio for looping . * sigh * Amateurs . I 'm still sick but I just got up an hour ago so while I have a clear and rested brain I 'm going to post something . For the first time since we cut off the cable TV I 've been missing it . Reading requires to much focus , as does web surfing , as do puzzle books . Vegging in front of a The People 's Court ( yes , I secretly love that show . No time for Judge Judy or Judge Joe Brown but Judge Milian rocks ) with a bowl of throat - soothing ice cream is about all I 'm good for and the one thing I now can 't do . Okay , not really . Trust that I will always find a way to veg in front of a TV when given a good excuse . We happen to have the first season of Stargate SG - 1 and the entire run of Firefly on DVD . The husband and I consider them educational investments , key to raising good geeks . So Monday and Tuesday were passed with the kids and I watching Stargate . We found out something interesting . The first episode of Stargate contains nudity . Not a little bit either but an extended scene of full frontal female nudity and much breastiness ( my spellcheck doesn 't like that word but I think it sounds fantastic ) . The kids giggled a bit . They 've seen nudity in movies before so it wasn 't a big deal for them . Just a bit of a shock for the recovering prude of a mom . Fortunately I remembered that I am now a hip and progressive mom and that meant nudity was fine and I relaxed and simply watched the scene with the kids . While the nudity went by with nothing more then the giggles a bit of gruesomeness that followed got me a sharp look from Catherine . A parasitic creature emerged from a woman 's belly in search of a new host . Sort of Alien like but more schlocky , this being TV and all . " Mom . . . Harry . " " Huh ? " " Harry might be scared . Should he be watching this ? " Catherine loves a good orc decapitation as much as I do but Harry is a bit of a more sensitive soul . He just can 't handle the gross stuff like the women folk . But with this he seemed fine . I think it makes a difference when you 're watching something in daylight with your family on a somewhat craPosted by Apologies for the break in blogging . I 've got a head cold ( the second in a month ) and am sort of useless with anything that requires prolonged thought and attention . Be back when it 's better . A local church holds a big yard sale once a year and yoday was the day so Catherine and I got up early and arrived at the church just in time for the opening of the doors . We got tons of neat stuff . Tons . The biggest hit ? Okay , aside from the soft stuffed Thomas the Tank Engine that Harry is currently snuggling with . Why something I picked up just because it was 25 cents and not because I had any real expectations of it : It 's a kit with cards that have words and corresponding pictures on them . The words are actually punched out so that the foam letters that come with the kit can be placed in the holes in order . I thought it was gimmicky when I saw it but when Harry saw it ? He loved it . He 's been playing with it , off and on , since I brought it home . Again , having something to hold in his hands ( like the Math - U - See blocks ) and manipulate seems to make all the difference for him . He 's sorting the letters , fitting them in , telling me their sounds and then spelling the word . Hands on . That 's the key with him . At some point I 'll remember that for good . BTW - the only information I could find on the books was here , at the website of a company that sells books through people 's place of work . A weird setup but apparently the only place the book is sold . This is as good as it gets - five hours of science lectures by the Dawkins Himself ! You can buy the DVDs or simply watch the lectures , Growing Up in the Universe , for free here . You can also download them if you choose . Yes , yes . I know you love me . Catherine likes to stump my husband and I with math questions . A couple of weeks ago it was , " Mom - x times x plus x times purple equals twelve . " She thought it was tough . My husband and I talked about it , Catherine and I discussed it and over the course of a day and separate conversations this is what we came up with : First , we limited the variables to positive whole integers . Second , x times x could instead be x squared and x times purple could instead be expressed as xp . Third , x squared has to be a square number smaller then 12 . After that it was easy and we came up with two solutions . What really told me Catherine was doing okay though wasn 't her original question . It was that whole , positive , integer , squared and condensing x times purple to xp were all things she understood . Not to mention notation , order of operation and the whole idea of variables . I looked back on it after and realized in that one question of hers and the subsequent conversations she 'd demonstrated quite a bit of knowledge and more then that , could put it all to some use . Most of the time it feels like we 're stumbling through this homeschooling thing blind but every once in awhile I look up and see just how much territory we 've put behind us and I 'm amazed . I met a friend while the kids were in preschool ( Harry attends , Catherine works ) and she took me to the house of a friend of hers . She had mentioned something about solar power and I had an idea that maybe she meant solar panels so I was interested . And then we pulled up to house . It was my dream house . It was bermed with earth on two sides . It had windows along it 's South - east side and a HUGE wall of windows that went to the roof line facing south . By solar she had meant the whole house was heated by passive solar power which was pumped through the house via duct work . It also had a wall of cinder block in the central living room where a wood stove would be for cold , cloudy days . The water would be partially heated by solar panels . The bedrooms were compact and cozy ( there 's some imagination involved there as the inside walls were framed but not drywalled ) and the main living space open and bright . It was big , 1900 sq . feet , but not a monster house . I have the name of her designer and builder , Don Roscoe , tucked away now . The man doesn 't know it but he and his solar house have just stepped into my daydreams . I was shopping this week . Tuesday was a trip to the local thrift store where I found that the hundreds of books they once had were almost all gone . Apparently they felt they just had to much ( which they did ) and so invited some used book buyer down to clear out most of what they had . All that was left was a half dozen shelves and they 're apparently going to keep it that way . At first I was disappointed . Now there was very little stock to peruse . Then I realized , hey . there 's very little stock to peruse ! What used to take me an hour and cause a bit of anxiety because I knew there was a treasure at the bottom of that pile in the corner that I couldn 't get to now takes 10 minutes and I can see every single book they have . I spent more there Tuesday then I ever had before and got some great stuff . The best buys ? The Young Engineers Book of Supertrains . This is a fantastic book filled with great text and colorful illustrations . It has everything from cutaway views to information on different types of trains to experiments you can try with your young train nut to strange and record - breaking trains . The only problem ? Try to find it . True to form I found a wonderful book that seems to be out of print and not widely available . Google turned up some places like EBay where it could be found but you may have your work cut out for you . The Nature of Florida 's Waterways / The Nature of Florida 's Neighborhoods : I think these must have been bought by a Snowbird , a Canadian retiree who winters in Florida but I 'm not sure . The books are filled with pen and ink illustrations of Florida wildlife and interesting text that describes a bit about them . Catherine has been keeping them by her bed . First to look at the pictures and then to hunt down little people the author / illustrator has inserted into many of her drawings : I think she plans to read them next . I 'm really glad I got these , plan to get more of the series and really wish there was something similar for local wildlife . Highly recommended . Being a homeschool mom often means people make certain assumptions about you . Some are negative but many are positive but the funny thing is that the positive assumptions can be just as damaging as the negative ones . Why ? Because the assumptions create a void where understanding and commonalities get swallowed up . If the school mom assumes that you , the homeschool mom are a crack organizer or a whiz with home cooked meals then she may not make any effort to relate to you , may cast you as an " other " . After all , she can 't discuss the stress of juggling soccer , dance and homework or the many ways to make a ten minutes meal out of hot dogs and canned soup with you , can she ? The assumptions also hurt those of us in the homeschooling world . I don 't have my act together and often suck at being a parent but I just know all the other moms have their act together , right ? I read blog and forum post full of effective cleaning schedules , kid brags and homeschool success . Must be just me that can 't get my act together . . . Maybe I 'm not cut out for this after all . Of course , it 's all bullocks . I realized that today while reading the blog of Doc , who after four kids and ages as a homeschooling mom is having doubts and regrets . We just simply don 't take the brave step Doc did and let other people see where we doubt , fall down and even fail . Here 's the immense value of what Doc did : School moms may read that and realize we aren 't super moms free from doubt and homeschool moms may realize that even the old hands at homeschooling can still feel the fears the newbies do . This kind of confessing and sharing may help cross the divide that Dana addresses in a most excellent post . Letting people know our faults can accomplish more in crossing divides then kid brags or lists of famous dead homeschoolers ever will . In that spirit I have two confessions , one big and one somewhat less big . The first should be apparent to anyone who 's read my blog for any length of time . I am horribly inconsistent . I jump from gimmick to gimmick , curriculum to currPosted by This is an absolute must read . Over at Beyond School , CBurell has a fantastic post that details the history of large classes and the grading of children . Here 's a snippet of what he had to say ( in a quote from a comment he made on another blog ) : Large class sizes plus the GPA game transforms students into grade - junkies , and teachers into mere graders . My evidence : I 've had about 50 students ask to meet to discuss their grade this year , and how they can raise it . I 've had three ask to meet to discuss how to write better , read poetry better , or otherwise " learn from teacher . " My take - away : they see me as a grade - giver , and school as an instrument for getting them into college , not a place to learn . But you 've got to go read the whole thing . There are extensive quotes from Thom Hartmann ( who will be familiar to ADD folks ) on the chap , William Farish , who came up with the system of larger classes and grading children that is so embedded in our culture today most people can 't even begin to imagine education without it . There are informative links galore , especially in the comments and I guarantee you , it 'll be one of those reads that just solidifies those Jello - y thoughts that previously sloshed around in your head . If you ever have a hard day and traditional schooling is singing a siren 's song in your head , go back to that post . It will rescue you . I 've been a little complacent about Facebook . I signed on , added friends , liked connecting with people . . . Well , I was on today and a family member I hadn 't spoke to for ages chatted with me . It was fantastic . It happened to be a family member that 's been in the back of my mind for awhile . This woman is brave and independent and someone who , even if we weren 't related and I 'd just met her , I 'd want to know . The only problem is that she 's on the opposite side of the country . A relative I 'd love to have over for supper , see tickle the kids , drink a few beers with and she lives an eight hour flight away . Sheesh . So I love Facebook now . It 's the neatest thing . And if you do visit my blog Cousin , I forgot to say it in our conversation but I love you too ! Catherine and I started reading Faery 's Tale Deluxe today . This is going to be part of our summer fun and will include my nephew who will be coming over once school ends in two weeks , so we 're getting familiar with it now . The first thing I read was part one of a story that runs through the book . It 's sort of an introduction to the world of the game and gives the kids a flavour of how the game will run . We then went on to read the summaries of the the characters the kids can choose to be : pixies , brownies , sprites and pookas . Sprites don 't have magic but they are warriors and form close bonds with animals friends so , of course , that 's what Catherine wants to be . Catherine was already drawing as I read , designing her character and thinking about what other classes of faeries we could design and bring into the game . I 'm optimistic that storytelling will follow , maybe written stories . I 'm also wondering about how this might benefit the kids beyond writing and drawing . Faery 's Tale deals with the world in miniature . All of the characters that the children can choose to be are no more than a few inches tall . If they 're out playing in the yard or going for a walk will they start looking at the details of plants , at the tiny animals , at the pebbles and twigs to try and understand the scale of the world their alter egos live in ? Heck , could we collect some of the things they find and construct figurines their characters ? The houses they might live in ? It 'll be interesting to look back on this in the fall and see where it 's taken the kids and I . Giveaway of the Day is giving away All My Books , a piece of software that might be of use to many of us who own piles and piles of books . Here 's a description : Group and browse your collection of books by title , author or publisher , or run a quick search by any field . You can even define your own fields to label the books , such as comments or memos , and search them later . What use would be an electronic book organizer if you had to spend hours to catalogue your entire collection ? All My Books does not ask you about every little detail about the book . Instead , it implements a revolutionary way to create and organize your collection . Just enter the book 's title or ISBN number from the back of the book , and All My Books will retrieve the rest of the data automatically from the Internet . The only hitch is they are only giving the software away today AND you have to download register and install it today . If you download it but don 't install it today , you won 't be able to in the future . Just thought I 'd let people know because this certainly seems like software a lot of us an use . I was talking about role playing games a few posts ago and mentioned that , " And now I have to go look around the interweb because I am SURE I saw a whole creative writing program based on an RPG . " I found it . It 's called Legends of Druidawn and there 's not only an ebook available for download but a whole ' nother site , The World of Druidawn , where it looks like students can talk and submit stories and art . Very neat and for $ 39 . 95 it may be a good deal for some . Me ? I think I 'll stick with the The Faery 's Tale ( which I have purchased but haven 't read yet ) . From what I remember simply playing a good rpg without any extra creative writing program was enough to get me scribbling down stories and characters ideas . One note on looking for rpgs though , if you 're new to them you might want to make sure to look for a D6 system . That simply means it uses the plain old six - sided di that all of us have in drawers or old Monopoly games . Some systems use some more exotic dice that you 'll only find in a gaming store . I learned today that the ever - so - famous , retired Episcopal BishopJohn Spong was speaking in town . That would have been tonight , only $ 20 and I could have had a ride in . * sob * But I was already committed to going to my in - laws for a birthday B - B - Q for my Mother - in - Law . The truth is that I 'm not really torn up about this . I have the most fantastic in - laws and had a great time today . I just wish Mr . Spong could have been a little more considerate of my family commitments and held his talk tomorrow . Then I could have had a blast with my family and graced Mr . Spong 's lecture with my presence . Darn . And I have the pictures to prove it . This was a beautiful tropical plant my husband brought my on my birthday last fall . Where there 's green , there 's hope I suppose . If I ever remember to give it water . A Venus fly trap and some anonymous thing my daughter gave me for Mother 's Day . Not even my love for my daughter and my appreciation for her gifts can save the little anonymous thing . Same problem here , no water . The Cacti . I am even causing some of the cacti to keel over with thirst . This is the Aloe Vera plant which I actually did quite well with . I even re potted it . However , I suspect one of the kids thought it needed watering because the poor thing is is rotting . My one success . These are baby Oaks that we grew from acorns . But I always do well with them when they 're that young . It 's right about now that I start to abandon them . I am very good with outdoor plants though . I suspect this is the case because even though I 'm as negligent with them , at least they have they rain . Poor baby oaks . I 'll have to get them into the ground soon or it 's the reaper for them . The Math - U - See blocks are a hit . They 've been played with every day since they arrived . Sometimes it 's mathy play with me but more often Harry is building tunnels and ships ( they 're more popular than Lego right now ) . Today he was using the Hundred block as a base and on top , building mazes with the other pieces . I think I 'd recommend those blocks over the cuisenaire rods any day . School ends in just a little while so that means instead of four of us here most weekdays ( me , my kids and my niece ) there will be five as my 8 year old nephew joins us . That means I need something to occupy us all on occasion and something that will help me in my sinister plan to plant deep geek seeds in my sister - in - law 's children . Not to mentions RPGs are fantastic for math , storytelling , critical thinking and a whole slew of other skills . First stop - two very simple and quick to learn rpgs , one for a walk outside and one for the table . The Nighttime Animals Save the World ! All you need to play this game is a pocket full of coins . Everyone picks an animal and imagine that the animal is traveling with them as they walk . From the environment , the game master picks obstacles and challenges , the kids come up with solutions and the coins are used to resolve success or failure . I can 't wait to try this oneThe Adventures of the Good Knights and Other Stories Looks simple ( is a little vague actually ) and has a fantasy theme . This , like the last one , puts a lot of emphasis on the GM 's story telling skills . Examples of play for both of these games can be found at Roleplaying Games for Kids . A site that helped a lot when I was looking for RPGs was RPGS for Kids . It 's a well thought out pages that includes links to games specifically for kids as well as ones that are suitable for kids ( though not made for them ) and ones that can be tweaked or simplified for kids and links to pages where you can find out how to tweak them . It also has links to articles and email lists so it 's definitely the first stop for any budding Game Master . At that site I found two games I am more than likely going to buy , I just need to figure out if I want them as books or in PDF form . Faery 's Tale Deluxe looks like a fantastic introduction to the more formal RPGs . The Big Night has a Christmas theme , simple game play that a child could probably direct and seems like it has the potential for a lot of humour ! And now I have to go loo around the intePosted by I 'm am so late with this . . . Carnival of Canadian Homeschoolers Carnival of Homeschoolers ( as a note , I got almost NO hits from this despite my submission . Or maybe my submission is why ? It was the science post ) Carnival of Education I was having a bit of a day today . It was overcast outside and that was reflected in my mood - quiet , sullen and lazy . I don 't know if my six year old saw that or if he was just in a makeover mood but in he came to where I was sitting , holding a hairbrush . " Mom , take that off please , " he said motioning to the do - rag on my head . I did . He took the brush and for a good ten minutes brushed my hair , carefully pulling through some of the small knots ( my hair procedure in the morning amounts to washing it in the shower and then covering it up ) . I 'd sneak a peek and see that look of concentration where his eyes were fixed on the job and his tongue was almost , but not quite , sticking out the side of his mouth . He stopped for a moment , I heard a sound and then he started smoothing my hair with his hands . " Harry ? Did you just put spit in my hair . " " Yes Mom . It makes it smooth . " Ah . Okay . Once he was satisfied he wandered off and I though he was done . Not quite . Back he came with a small plastic butterfly hair decoration and a string of purple dollar store beads . He clipped the butterfly in my hair and put the beads around my neck . " Now you look beautiful . " I thanked him and hugged him and he went off to play . I have no idea what inspired him but darn it , he made my day . For ages I 've wanted to pick up Math - U - See . I had two intentions . One , to get Harry on a regular math program and two , to give Catherine review because she really loved the approach in the Math - U - See demo DVD . So I 've been on the lookout for months on used curriculum sites and email lists . Then I decided to unschool again and thought I might just pick up the ever - so - much cheaper Miquon to use as play with our Cuisenaire rods . But you know how , when your ride is late for some important thing and just as you give up and head to the phone to see what 's holding them up , they appear ? Well , just a couple of days later on a Canadian used curriculum list up popped the old Math - U - See Foundation and Intermediate programs for $ 70 . That 's a whopper of a deal for what 's basically four Math - U - See levels . Forgetting all about unschooling and Miquon , I pounced and miraculously , was the first person who responded . 15 minutes after I said I 'd be delighted to buy them I remembered that I 'd just committed to spending $ 70 on something I has decided not to use . Cue nausea . Because I 'm a coward I didn 't tell the seller I wasn 't interested . I still bought it and figured Catherine would still love the videos . Of course now I had a math program without the all important and somewhat expensive math manipulatives . Cue second wave of nausea . I ordered the starter set of Math - U - See blocks ( I was committed now ) and waited . The program hasn 't arrived yet but the blocks came today . We ran up to the post office , got home and tore into the box . The kid 's eyes lit up . Catherine played with them for an hour and had a ball . Harry got into them shortly after and darn it all , if all that nausea wasn 't for nothing . The cuisenaire rods were fun but it 's with the Math - U - See rods that Harry is actually connecting the manipulative with numbers . It 's obvious why when you take a quick look at the two kinds of manipulatives : Or it would be obvious if I took a better picture ( blue is MUS , orange is cuisenaire ) . The Math - U - See rod has the ones marked right on itPosted by Dana wrote the best bit on Educational Anarchy . ImPercetibility made the button : My contribution ? Just a link to a most excellent BBC radio show , In Our Time , which explores the ideas and history of Anarchism . It 'll give anybody interested a good quick run down of the matter . What did I take from it ? A lot but most vivid might be the idea that when anarchy is used as an accusation it 's often by people who have control over others against those who want to exercise control over themselves . This came to me courtesy of Lorraine , who frequently comments here but refuses to be lured into creating her own blog . Put a Little Science in Your Life It 's a fantastic op - ed piece that communicates the wonder many people feel when they think about and get involved in science . But here 's the thing . The reason science really matters runs deeper still . Science is a way of life . Science is a perspective . Science is the process that takes us from confusion to understanding in a manner that 's precise , predictive and reliable - a transformation , for those lucky enough to experience it , that is empowering and emotional . To be able to think through and grasp explanations - for everything from why the sky is blue to how life formed on earth - not because they are declared dogma but rather because they reveal patterns confirmed by experiment and observation , is one of the most precious of human experiencesLater . . . If science isn 't your strong suit - and for many it 's not - this side of science is something you may have rarely if ever experienced . I 've spoken with so many people over the years whose encounters with science in school left them thinking of it as cold , distant and intimidating . They happily use the innovations that science makes possible , but feel that the science itself is just not relevant to their lives . What a shame . Like a life without music , art or literature , a life without science is bereft of something that gives experience a rich and otherwise inaccessible dimension . The night sky is inspiring enough but to look up at it and realize you are looking back in time ? To wonder at the fact that every time you blink you 've defeated the incredibly weak force of gravity and yet it 's the force that holds our universe together ? To drink a glass of water and know that one element in a water molecule is as old as the universe ? To have a cold and understand that means your body is now an epic battlefield between defenders and invaders ? To know that there 's a lab on earth right now where humans aPosted by
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Posted on May 17 , 2014 by spiralwoman Turns out Stonehenge is a convenient drive from Bath . Admittedly , all of England ( not including Ireland and Scotland ) is smaller than the state of Michigan , and can be traversed easily in one day . But the ancient site was less than an hour away and we arrived in England with tickets already purchased . On the appointed day , we rented a car and , with Maggie riding shotgun with her iPhone GPS , we wended our way through the countryside . But I digress . I only wanted to make the point that the drive took us past many sheep , stone and brick houses , grassy fields abutting more grassy fields , or maybe cultivated fields , or fields about to be cultivated , without benefit of trees . Except for the strategically placed picturesque trees that managed to charm us from various spots along the way . At first we forgot about the " proper " path to take and the audio tour . Maggie and I clutched one another 's hands ( she 'd been once before with her program but there is no " getting used to " the place ) and walked to the nearest spot we could get to the monolithic stones . I teared up , feeling awesomely moved , and flooded with the spirit of the place . The tourists there that day faded rather quickly into the recesses of my awareness . Rising out of the English landscape the way they do , massive and organized , precise yet rough hewn , there is a feeling of inevitability to the stones . They clearly belong there , though they originated many miles away . The astronomy , the engineering , the ancient religion , the very real energy field that surrounds the site , all of it creates awe . Awesome is a word that meant something real that day . We tried to find a quiet spot to settle as near to them as we could get . We spoke to the spirits who reside there , made an offering , left behind words of intention and gratitude . Posted in travel , Uncategorized | Leave a comment I wrote the following 9 years ago - one year after my mother 's death . Today on Mother 's Day I remember this account and offer it here . For years I was steeled for her death . I never knew , when the phone rang , if it would be news that she had died , alone in some city , or if hers would be the voice I 'd hear . Either the harsh accusations or the begging born of anguished paranoia . The urgent instructions to call this corporate giant or that estranged relative in order to vindicate her once and for all . Sometimes it was the kind of call that ran the gamut from invective , to sobbing desperation to sinuous manipulation . I was to drive 400 miles , tonight , and take her home to live with me , in her rightful place , because surely I owed her that . Didn 't I owe her my life ? She never hesitated to remind me . And the gift of life meant I owed her everything she could demand of me , any sacrifice , my family , my job , my very self . The manipulation - through - guilt was always hardest to take . I had spent most of my life , even as a tiny child , believing that her fate was somehow in my hands , and that any unhappiness , or dissatisfaction , or mere discomfort was somehow about me : my fault . If only I could do just the right thing I could fix it . I alone could keep her from falling into the subway 's path . I alone could keep her from loneliness late at night when her work was done . So , as an adult , I had to live day to day knowing that she was miserable beyond my own conception of misery , and that there was nothing I could do about it . The darkness in her mind made a reality that was almost too much for me to think about . Years of therapy eased me to the brink of understanding that I could not protect her , and harder yet to believe , that I never could . I certainly could not keep her alive when half the time I had no idea where she was . And besides , she was consumed by madness , totally lost in her own irrational maze , cluttered , it seemed , with doors she could slam , but absolutely no exits . As a grown daughter , uncertainty and helplessness defined my role . However , I believed I was prepared , at least , for news of her death . The five years that she was back in my world , living peacefully and safely , medicated and fairly stable , were so much better . I had her back , at least a version of her . She was not really identifiable as the mother of my childhood , though . The spark and the laughter were gone . The need was huge . Her fears had abated to simmer just below the surface . We could " chat , " and stroll through Wal - Mart shopping for blouses and selecting underwear with an invisible panty - line . Each time I picked her up to go have coffee , or stop at CVS for moisturizer , she always made a point of asking about my husband and the children . Because she had missed 20 years of news , I spent some time filling her in about the state of the world . She had missed the presidencies of Bush Sr . and Clinton . She did not recall ever hearing the term " gay rights , " nor did she realize the rainforest was at risk . She asked innocent , childlike questions . She thought Republicans still stood for small government . The state of things confused her . Our roles had fully reversed . I worried about her living situation , and worked to develop a rapport with the staffs at the two assisted living facilities where she lived during that time . Meanwhile , I ached to actually look forward to our visits . I wanted desperately to love our time together , but the time was painful , a chore , a fact which in turn haunted me with guilt . She demanded much , and gave little in return . Unlike a child , whose delight in life fills your heart even as you do and do and do for them , my mother 's primary emotion was dissatisfaction , seconded only by deep sorrow . She mourned things she knew she 'd lost and even things she could not remember ever having . All she knew was that her life was empty . I felt the terrible burden of being the only thing to fill it . At this point , my preparedness for her death waned . I became sure that she 'd outlive people decades her senior . Her mind was unstable , but her body , as always , was strong . And now that she was housed , fed , saw the doctor , what would stand in the way of the tremendous longevity I imagined ? The weeks and months and years passed . My life was full and busy and rich ; my children grew , my job fulfilled me , my husband loved me and completed the circle of our family . On the edges , never quite knowing how to be included , was my mother , who really wanted only me . The sight of me pricked her longing for the way things used to be . She saw in me her only hope of recapturing the past , her glorious past when she was beautiful , strong , lucid , admired , and had a trophy daughter worthy of her . The life I now lived , as mommy , wife and schoolteacher , did not fit her dream vision . She tried to care about it , but couldn 't really . She dutifully asked about the children . She enjoyed hearing tales of their brilliance and accomplishments , because she could be reminded of when I was a brilliant and accomplished child . But always it was me , and only me , that she wanted . For my part , I was willing , glad really , to tether her to life , be her tie to any shred of happiness or pleasure . I imagined this role carrying me into my sixties , long after my children left home and into a time when I could give her more of myself , as she aged . But all that changed . Despite a move from a brief but unpleasant assisted living situation to a warm and supportive nursing home in Great Barrington , she sank deeper into depression . At that point , even I was hard pressed to provide her with so much as a glimmer of pleasure . Enjoyment of any kind was out of her reach . She was withdrawing further and further into a death in life , as she spent every minute of every day lying in a dark room on her bed , her cardigan pulled up over her shoulders . Her dignity , you see , never faded . She would not allow herself to languish in her nightgown , under the covers all day . She got up , dressed , combed her hair , and lay back down on top of the made bed to doze her life away in the cradle of deep depression . And then she got sick . Her hospitalization and emergency surgery just after Christmas brought her quickly to the brink of death . Post - surgical pneumonia prompted the doctors to call me at work to ask for a suspension of her DNR order . They believed that she could come through this infection with treatment . What do you want to do ? If we don 't intubate , she will die . Soon . I wasn 't ready . I was pretty sure she wasn 't ready . She and I had spoken several years before , when she prepared her living will . She did not want a life on machines , but this was different . She could come through this . And I still did not know the results of the lab tests on the mass removed from her colon . We had no real diagnosis . I stood in the hallway outside my classroom , the phone cord stretched taut , and cried to the doctors : " Am I condemning her or saving her ? Can she live ? " I suspended the DNR and rushed to Pittsfield to see her . There she lay in the ICU , a frail , pale woman breathing on a machine , an innocent Darth Vader , with air pumped in and out on a timer . She was , essentially , not there . She could barely register my existence . If this was going to be goodbye , it sucked . There it was again . The guilt . It was at this point that the surgeon finally told me the lab results : cancer . The massive tumor he had removed from her colon was as malignant as they come . If she lived through this pneumonia , what would she face ? Another kind of death , this one slow and painful ? But would we both be ready then ? Three days in the ICU on penicillin and her pneumonia was cured . She was healing amazingly well from the abdominal surgery . She got out of the ICU and within three hours was making me laugh . Who was this woman ? She was drugged and in pain , exhausted and confused , so her witty comeback to a comment I made to the nurse stunned me . Not to mention the fact that she had neither laughed at my amusing comments nor made any of her own for about twenty years . Back at the nursing home , she was a woman reborn . Though fragile and thin , with no appetite for food , suddenly my mother found her appetite for life and experience . She sat up in bed and eagerly visited when I came . She began to tell stories of her childhood , and share memories of mine . My children came to see her and it was as if they were meeting their grandmother for the first time . My daughter , Maggie , listened to stories of the horses on the Bauman farm , and tales of the retired polo pony , Johnny - Boy . She was delighted with this new grandmother with horsey stories to tell . As we left the room at the end of that first post - near - death visit , Maggie took my hand and said , " Mommy , she 's nice . " I had a mother . I wasn 't sure how I 'd gotten her , but there she was . She had complete amnesia about all the years of hardship , vitriol , anger , anguish , sorrow and emptiness . Her forgetfulness sparked in me an ability to live only in the present , with this woman who was my mother , and memories of a mother I once had , and to forget the madwoman who haunted so much of my adult life . This mother did not make impossible demands . My desire to do whatever I could for her increased with every passing day . Somehow , I recognized this woman . Once luscious and full breasted , she had become skeletally frail . On the once beautiful face , her gaunt smile had become a rictus . Her touch on my skin was cold . But still , she was familiar . I felt like a daughter again . And I remembered something . I loved her . Even though I 'd been saying the words to her for years , they had always made me sad , because I could not feel that they were true . Last year , as I watched my mother 's rebirth and death , my love for her tapped me on the shoulder and said , I 'm still here , you know . That love , it must have been standing in my blind spot for a time . I had about a month before she began the active process of dying . Although she could not fathom it , her days were numbered . I thought : I am not ready , but I can be . I believed that I only needed some time . Time with her . Time to part . To help her leave . To forgive her . To forgive myself . To love us both enough to say goodbye . Take it from me . We 're never ready . But the parting is still important . I crammed twenty years of togetherness into a 12 day bedside vigil . I never tired . Never chafed . I could not bring myself to leave her side . Every tender massage of her feet or hands was an opportunity for me . Every offer of a sip of juice was a way of loving her . The music I played for her , well , it made me feel better anyway . My world shrank to a fifteen square foot space . Once again , as we had for the first twelve years of my life , we shared a room . Two twin beds , mother and daughter . My few childhood memories of my mother as a nurturer are from when I was sick , my skin hot , my throat sore . Even though she had to go to work during the day , when she came home she sat beside me and laid her hand , cool from the winter air outside , on my face . This time , in her last days , it was my hand on her brow . My soothing talk , her restless sleep . My bustling , her gratitude . I lived every day of that last week in a state of awe . Every sense was tuned . When we bathed her body , childlike in its state of advanced starvation , its beauty made me cry . Her skin , like silk flowers , encased her once strong bones . Her face , smooth - skinned even at seventy - five , could occupy my eyes for hours . Much of the time I sat and read , or graded papers , or recited memories . Many hours passed without my being aware of what had transpired . I watched her watching the guest who spent those final days in the room with us , invisible to all but my mother . She stared fixedly at a spot beyond me , murmured , " I need more time , " and yet reached out her arms . She kept a vigil just as I did . She seemed never to sleep . At other times , she watched me intently . We exchanged gazes . Though she did not have enough fluid with which to make tears , I soaked the pillow by her head as I lay my face beside hers and grieved . In those last days , my mother gave me the gift of her mothering . Although she was busy strong - arming death to gain another hour or day of life , she found the wherewithal to wrap her bony arm around me as I cried on the pillow , to stroke my hair , to gentle me towards her eventual , regrettable leaving . She lived seven days past the day the nurses said she could not possibly make it another twenty - four hours . During those timeless days , I forgave her and asked for her forgiveness . I told her I would write about her . I told her I loved her . I said , " Give my love to Aunt Thelma and Uncle Mike . " I told her she could go . I told her she had to let herself go . I said , " Don 't worry about me . I 'll see you again . " She waited till my husband Dan could be with me before she took her last breath . She had teased me , though , into believing that though she was dying , she would never really die . I was in the bathroom , washing up , when Dan called out , " Vanessa , I think this is it . " I rushed to her bed . She was staring , wide eyed , right at me . The quiet in the room was deafening . The strained sound of her breathing , the accompaniment to my days and nights , was agonizingly , horribly silenced . After weeks of watching her inch her way out the door of life , when the door finally closed behind her , I was left absolutely stunned and bereft . " Is this really the way it is ? Is she gone ? " I wailed . Her leaving was so permanent ; a trapdoor opened in my chest . But : she was still there with me . I could feel her beside me , around me , waiting for my last goodbye . At last I could crawl under the covers with her , wrap her in my arms and hold that body one last time . The one that gave me life . I owed that to myself . Posted on May 7 , 2014 by spiralwoman After the drama of the first installment of " Dream Come True : England , " we landed at Heathrow . Just writing that word - Heathrow - is thrilling . Heathrow of Love Actually fame … . I was a little disappointed not to see oceans of people hugging and kissing everywhere , but that 's okay . I knew I 'd get a big hug once I got to Bath , where Maggie is living this spring . Jet lag began in the form of my body and brain saying , " Wait , why is the sun out ? Why is everyone drinking coffee ? Why aren 't we in bed ? It 's 2 : 30 in the morning ! " But sure enough , the day was in full swing in London , England , where it was ( after customs and baggage claim ) 9 : 30 a . m . The effects of a prolonged flu , a horrible day of mass transit combined with codeine induced vomiting , a seemingly endless interlude in terminal 4 of JFK , and a restless , leg cramped , neck twisting 5 hours on a plane during which I slept about 3 , in spurts , well , let 's just say they were taking their toll . Accessing public transport from Heathrow was quite easy . Trains , busses , cabs , all are handy options . We caught a bus to Reading , about 45 minutes away , where we were dropped at the train station . There we caught a train to Bath , with not much wait time . After a blurry hour on the train that passed lots of sheep and stone cottages , during which time I dozed and clutched a ticket no one ever took from me , we arrived in the prettiest , quaintest city I 've ever seen . Bath looked delicious upon first glance and only got better as the days passed . Phone contact is a challenge when you have not gotten an English SIM card with which to call anyone on English soil . So I needed Wi - Fi in order to text or call Maggie using Viber ( the coolest internet based phone system ever ) . We found an internet café and paid royally for the privilege of logging on and texting Maggie . We walked away from the train station , she walked towards it , and we met within minutes ( Bath is not so big ) . She literally ran / skipped all the way down the street to us . A little verklempt , I was rather teary by the time she threw herself into my arms . We had tickets to see the Roman baths , right in the center of town . We spent over four hours wandering the spaces within the superbly restored complex , which included not only many spa rooms - from the main pool to a caldarium to a " cold plunge " room - but a temple , too . The caldarium was a sauna room where fires would be lit beneath the raised floor . Visitors in ancient times would wear wooden sandals to keep their feet from burning . The temple was in honor of the Roman goddess Minerva , as well as the Celtic goddess Sulis . I love this tidbit : apparently when the Romans arrived in Bath and found out about the healing waters of the hot spring , they knew the site was sacred . The learned of Sulis , the goddess who resided there . She reminded them of Minerva . I can hear them now , " Oh , cool . Sulis is like your version of Minerva , so that 's awesome . Let 's call her Sulis Minerva now . " And so they did . Sulis Minerva was revered and favors were sought . Maggie and I definitely asked her for some recognition as we whispered her name , our gratitude , and our requests , and made an offering to her in one of the pools . The main " pool " in the baths . Originally this was under a high vaulted ceiling but is now open to the sky . This would be where women and men could hang out together and relax . I have been at an ancient site once before - Poverty Point in Louisiana . An early native site , thousands of years old , and thousands of years older than the native peoples we learn about in school . It is a sequence of massive earth works , majestic and awesome , with energy swirling over the land . But the Roman baths and temple were my first experience with such a volume of artifacts and an extensively excavated site . The engineering feat alone - how they created drains and diverted the flow of water as they wished , from this pool to this one , and the giant vaulted ceiling over the main bath ( no longer there ) - were mind blowing . Also , long colonnades from end to end of the massive site . Breathtaking . Outside the baths is a small square onto which various shops open , some restaurants , and the eastern aspect of the huge medieval Bath Abbey . So God and the goddess are neighbors . The Christian history of England meets the Roman history and the Celtic history all in that single city , in that square , in the timelessness of no - time . We can walk back to 1000 AD or 100 BCE by entering this church , or that temple , walking on an ancient road , or crossing a historic bridge . This was a feeling that struck me again and again during my time in England as magical , indescribable , and very moving . I don 't usually start writing anything by coming up with a title , but today I am picking my title ( Dream Come True ) and sticking with it . Corny , sentimental , trite … yeah yeah yeah . But it just so happens to be true in this particular case . Looking back at my ENTIRE ADULT LIFE , during which I wanted one thing - to travel - I wonder what kept me home ? Well , I have a pretty good idea . I got sucked into the poverty mentality that so imbued my family of origin and then my family of choice . I also gave up all control over my own decisions , in some really strange ways that no one casually looking on would have realized since I seemed so strong , determined , and " together . " ( Refer to my last blog ! ) But I viewed partnership as a non - negotiable situation where every decision I made had to be " approved of " by my spouse . Not the little decisions like what color to paint the bathroom ( he didn 't care ) or what to make for dinner ( he liked everything ) , but anything that was about me and for me . ( We were lucky that we saw eye to eye about virtually all child - related decisions . ) This was a collaborative delusion , but I take most of the responsibility for imposing that insane stricture upon myself . I also did not have financial autonomy . I mean you never really do if you are splitting the bills with someone . But outside the running of our lives , it wasn 't till I was 25 years into the marriage that it occurred to me to have my own savings account . And now that I have my own everything account , I am truly liberated . No matter what comes my way in life , I will never , ever have a joint bank account again . With anyone . For any reason . Prior to flying , my body decided to see just how determined and tough I actually am . I came down with an epic , unprecedented flu . We 're talking 102 + fevers daily , body aches , wracking cough , and orders from the doctor : " don 't mess around , go to bed , and don 't get up until further notice . " He knew I was flying five days later . Four days later , he called . That means he was concerned . He 's been my doctor for 24 years and I 've never actually seen him concerned before . ( Except the time he had to put my son in the hospital for croup but that 's another story . ) The day of my flight , I had to head to JFK on my own with all the luggage because Dan was going to be making it totally last minute after work as he got a ride to the airport during rush hour traffic . I spent the car / bus / train / bus ride from my house , into the city , and out to JFK having a violent reaction to my codeine cough medicine … in the form of uncontrollable vomiting . Ever so fun while in a car . And bus . And train . My primary thought for much of that journey was : " Can someone shoot me now ? " I finally arrived at JFK , dragging a suitcase , my shoulders dangling with various bags , terminal 4 - Virgin Atlantic . ( I 've never understood why so many airlines have the word virgin in their names - is there something about a virgin that makes us feel we 're in good hands as we hurtle through the air 30 , 000 feet above the earth ? What ? ) Trying not to cough and give myself away , literally bent over with exhaustion ( it was now 3 : 30 p . m . and I got out of bed for the first time in 5 days 7 long hours ago ) , I dragged myself to the counter and the charming , red - clad , smiling Virgin Atlantic employee . She looked at my passport and heard me tell her " flight 45 " and said , " Oh , I 'm so sorry . That plane is still grounded in London and we are not sure when , or if , it will take off today . " " Can I at least give you my bag ? " At that point getting rid of that bag was all I could think about . The idea of schlepping the huge suitcase around JFK terminal 4 all afternoon and evening made me want to lie down on the floor and doze off on the spot . " No . I won 't . I have what I need in here . " I wiggled the shoulder from which dangled my carry on , replete with contact solution , glasses , toothbrush , pair of clean underwear and a few other necessaries . And a book . I ditched the suitcase - I mean checked it , then sat in the supremely noisy , uncomfortable arrivals waiting room for an hour and a half until she would be able to tell me more . I literally slept in an upright position , arms twined in knots among the various straps of my bags . Nowhere to lean my head , nowhere to put my bags , I became a marble statue of exhaustion . Every 15 minutes or so I cracked open one eye to peer at the wall clock and see the time inching forward . If only , I thought , the next time I look an hour will have passed . Never happened . Finally it was time to visit my cherry - red pal at the counter . " Good news ! " she said when she saw me . ( She remembered me . Pretty impressive , but I am sure I was memorable to her for how AWFUL I looked and how PATHETIC I was . ) At this point I 'd have been grateful for a crappy airport hotel to just lie down in , but realizing I 'd still get to England at some point on Saturday after all perked me up a bit . I headed to the gate , at last , and called Dan . He was en route , and we both realized that had we known all this in time I could have just driven down with him . Oh well . Eventually 1 : 00 a . m . became 9 : 30 p . m . They had the super awesome idea of using a different plane , instead of waiting for the one coming from England . We were impressed with this strategic thinking that got a shit - ton of frustrated , exhausted travelers out of the terminal and into the air . Dan arrived , we ate a highly unsatisfactory meal served by incompetent servers at a JFK version of an Irish pub . I removed my contact lenses , bought a pillow from Hudson News , and we waited . Boarded . Settled ( in different rows ) . Slept . Next thing I knew I was being served truly delicious tea - yes , on an airplane - and that 's when I knew for sure I was headed for England . I opened the shade next to my seat and saw the dawn flooding through it . Grainy eyed , stiff , pretty much beaten - up by a helluva 24 hours , I smiled . This was joy , for sure .
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If you think psychologists can tell the difference then you are wrong . Sometimes its obvious , but other times it takes a lot of evaluation to even begin to understand why they did it . In the case of James Holmes , my first reaction to seeing the whole thing unfold was , " Evil man , who did he think he was ? The Joker ? ! " Those are the exact words I said to my family when watching the terrible news on TV . Does this mean I can read him like a book ? No of course not . My theories are purely based on what I believe may have triggered these alwful killings . Whether right or wrong we will have to wait and see . James Holmes taking on the persona of the Joker . independent . ie Neuroscience Doctoral StudentAs we now know , James was a neuroscience doctoral student . In plain English he studied and learned about the brain , which is ironic considering he turned into a killer . The old saying , physician heal thyself obviously doesn 't work in this case . So does he fit the typical profile of a killer ? Well yes , in one way he is the typical introvert , who has followed in the footsteps of his father . But not all introverts are murderers . Locally he is known affectionately as Jimmy . But if we look closer we can see that he is just trying to emulate his father . James Holmes has excelled in his studies right up until this year , when they plunged to such a low that he told fellow students he was going to drop out . Was this because he had already decided to kill ? Or did he realise that he would never be as good as his father ? No , of course not . There is much more to it than that . I believe that James has always had a psychological disorder , with a Walter Mitty existence . An introvert who lives in a dream world , but looks perfectly normal to the outside world . Something in one of the comic books caught his attention , maybe even years ago . The particular murder in the cinema episode from the 1980s . As talked about on the News . These points are obviously only my opinion , but I am sure a couple of them will prove to be true . I think this particular killer lived in a world of murder , evil and power probably delivered by online video games , DVDs and films . He was rebelling not against society , but against all the parental control that he hated . In his mind he wanted to be an actor , or prove his worth by using his hands in a manual job , not his brain . This combination of childish dreams , augmented reality and most of all being pushed in a direction that he didn 't want to go , culminated in James Holmes turning into a cold blooded killer . In the last few days before the murder , James dyed his hair a bright orange color . This is a classic example of someone taking hold and embracing the new personality , therefore leaving behind the introverted boy . Classic dissociative disorder . By letting go of the old James and embracing the new , or in this case the Joker , James will place the blame on the Joker and see himself as totally innocent . Whether he really believes that or not is in question . There are no excuses for taking someones life . But there should be blame passed on to other members of his family who did not see , or chose to ignore the pressure that he may have been under . What was it that his mother knew about his personality , that made her so certain the police have the right killer ? Les Trois Chenes 4 years ago from Videix , Limousin , South West FranceSo much like Lional Shriver 's We 've Got To Talk About Kevin ! Chilling . Many thanks for this pithy account , Nell . Pamela Hutson 4 years ago from Moonlight MaineVery interesting , Nell . I 'm an introverted person who has struggled with depression most of my life . I also have a vivid imagination . But I can 't imagine doing anything like this . As you say , even professionals can 't easily spot who would and who wouldn 't do something like this . I do think we normalize violet irrational behavior these days in a way that we didn 't in past eras . Even the press coverage and public response is scripted . We know how it will unfold afterward , who will say what , what our role is . It 's almost like a public ritual , and that disturbs me almost as much as the act , since nothing changes as a result . Also I think a sense of entitlement and rage is part of it . Most of these killers are frustrated young white men , who , as you point out , aren 't achieving what they feel is due to them . Thank you for the hub . I know this is starting to get to me , this kind of violence , and it 's a welcome thing to have somewhere to talk with others about it . AuthorNell Rose 4 years ago from EnglandHi CR , yes my brother is also very introverted and suffers with depression too , but as you say its not a thing that you or he would even think of doing . its strange that his mother was not surprised by his actions , there must have been a lot going on in that house that nobody else knew about . I agree with what you say about the press , its done in a way that makes it sound like it should be exciting , like a tv program , its so sickening . I did think twice about writing it , I started it last night but just finished , but then I thought maybe people are not talking about how much of a psychological issue it is , on tv they seem to be as you said doing a public ritual . we studied this sort of thing at psychology , and found that the majority of people do actually have a cliche ' response to why they did it , for example , " I killed because I was getting back at my parents " such a cliche ' but as they say , cliche 's are there for a reason , thank you for reading , nell Suzette Walker 4 years ago from Taos , NMQuite interesting , Nell . I think you have probably figured this guy out . Once he is an adult , there is not much that can be done unless he consents to it . I have a feeling this last bit of schooling was the first time this guy has ever experienced failure or low grades and I don 't think he knew how to handle . Geniuses are close to madness anyway , so everything combined pushed him over the edge . It is so , so sad . I agree with you it is always about an issue of control with these nuts . Thanks for an interesting and informative article ! Peg Cole 4 years ago from Dallas , TexasHi Nell , This was informative and raises more questions in my mind about how parents would be able to spot aberrant behavior in their kids . Sure , they suspect something is amiss . But their instinct would be to excuse these odd things as " going through a phase " . I remember thinking that my stepson had some " difficulties " that might lead to trouble later in life . He went to a shrink at 6 years old and within two sessions had wrapped the psychologist guy around his finger turning the blame upon his parents quickly . Wow . It was rather eye opening . He also had the school counsellor so convinced that I punished him by keeping him in a darkened room ( not true ) it was frightening . She actually came to the house to investigate . I found myself having to defend my actions rather than the child getting the help he needed for ADHD and emotional issues following the tragic death of his biological mom . AuthorNell Rose 4 years ago from EnglandHi Peg , yes I suppose its okay for us to say , why didn 't the parents do this or that , but what are they supposed to do before the event ? a tricky situation . that sounds like a nightmare situation concerning your step son , and its just about typical of the way social services etc work today , they either totally ignore a child completely until its too late , a certain story on the news over here , or they choose not to believe the parents and even more unbelievable do not check out the childs past , as in your case the death of his biological mom . I hope everything is fine with you both now ? thanks nell Jackie Lynnley 4 years ago from The Beautiful SouthI have been into psychology quite a few years too and it really is not an easy one to figure . Most of these men look like creeps but so do normal people , lol . What about Ted Bundy ? Handsome , polite and having normal relationships with a woman . The longer I study the more confused I become but I think surely someone had an idea about this guy . Really places like this should have had security at the door too that may have saved many if not all those lives . GClark 4 years ago from United StatesInteresting analysis . This type of person has something very basic missing from their personality and that is empathy . That is what allows him the freedom to go out and kill others without feeling any remorse . Would imagine that if his childhood was closely scrutinized one would find lots of examples that were clues to what was building up within him . Angela Blair 4 years ago from Central TexasNell - - the " wobble in the road " concept rings a bell with me . You 've definitely shed new light on this for this old lady - - thanks ! Best / Sis shea duane 4 years ago from new jerseywow , this is so interesting . i agree . . . there may be a lot of blame ot go around . people don 't exist in isolation . mental illness is such a terrible problem in our world , and sometimes our hands are tied . . . in this case , i 'm not sure that was true . James was a tragedy waiting to happen , as you say , there were many red flags . My heart is broken for the family hurt in this terrible attack . Peg Cole 4 years ago from Dallas , TexasNell , Hi again . And I should add to what Shea said above . My heart goes out to the families and to those who were the victims of this attack . What a tragic and unbelievable turn of events to something as simple as a movie outing . We can hope this will not inspire something as out of control as the TSA screening process which has been introduced into our lives as part of travel . Thanks for asking about the situation I detailed above . That time has come and gone many years ago . He and I only shared a few years together before I had to leave to maintain my own sanity . I had nightmares for years afterward concerning abandonment issues and guilt etc . . Today I find myself in a much different situation with a wonderful compassionate man who has given me many reasons to celebrate every day . I am truly blessed . Janine Huldie 4 years ago from New York , New YorkI too took quite a few psychology courses in both my undergraduate and graduate work . So I do agree with most if not all of your article and interpretations here of James Holmes . You really did a great job and this one and put all the pieces together very nicely . Voted up and shared too . lovedoctor926 4 years ago This is a very good analysis . It 's evident that the family was aware of his psychological disorder , but they didn 't encourage him to seek professional help . In this case , only a psychiatrist would have been able to evaluate him and give him a proper diagnosis of his mental health condition . It seemed like he was a very intelligent young man with lots of potential , but something was definitely eating him up inside . Perhaps this was his way of getting back at the world . These types of people tend to blame the world for all of their misfortunes . Now , what pisses me off about something like this is that every time somebody commits such an atrocious crime like this , immediately people say that it 's a mental disorder and then they let them off the hook just like that . So what about all the innocent people that he killed and their families ? Voted up ! Pamela Hutson 4 years ago from Moonlight MaineIt 's also bad for people WITH mental disorders , the vast majority of whom are not violent or dangerous . I have a whole list of things that drive me crazy whenever this happens . It 's so messed up . : ( Mazzy Bolero 4 years ago from the U . K . Very interesting , Nell . The obvious thing is to wonder why people like this aren 't stopped before they do such terrible things , especially as his family obviously knew he had mental problems . Sometimes I realize it 's difficult to get help , as the person has to do something violent before the authorities can do anything . Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from PennsylvaniaNell , This is very interesting and informative . I did not know about his love for Batman comics . I agree with what you had to say regarding the difference between mental and cold blooded killer . We will have to wait and see . Regardless , this was an awful tragedy , and we all want justice for those poor families . I just heard today that three young boys sacrificed their lives for their girlfriends . So sad ! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this tragedy Nell . I have learned some things here . AuthorNell Rose 4 years ago from EnglandHi Jackie , I think people like Bundy probably are a sociopath , in other words there is something ' missing ' from their brains that make them not feel , and the only way they feel is by doing something completely extreme . The more sane they appear the more insane they really are . They put on a good polite show for every day life , with Holmes I would imagine , just my theory you understand , that he was probably more or less normal as a child but as the years went by he became disociated from reality , a form of madness in its own right . But that 's where the madness stops for me , I think he may have done it like that , but the rest of the time he is quite sane and aware of what he did , nell AuthorNell Rose 4 years ago from EnglandHi Peg , yes I know what you mean , can you imagine ? every time any of us go to the cinema now it will be in the back of our minds ? where can we go ? what can we do to just feel safe and get out and about ? I am sorry about your personal situation , that must have been a horrible time , sometimes we just have to walk away for our own sanity , I am glad you are so happy now , thanks . AuthorNell Rose 4 years ago from EnglandHi lovedoctor , yes that 's so true , the family must have known , as I mentioned above , his mother was not in the least surprised ! how about that ? what was she thinking ? I also totally agree with you , lets not hear the mental illness thing , its such a let off , he has got to pay for what he did and I mean at least hard labor , and I do believe in the death penalty not sure what States over there still use it . But he must be punished , those poor poor families it breaks my heart , nell AuthorNell Rose 4 years ago from EnglandHi josh , yes it was on the news last night . Evidently the police said that he probably read an 80s Batman comic book that mentioned the joker going into a cinema and shooting people , at least I think it was the joker , but a cinema was involved . Maybe this played on his mind over the years and it just stayed there until he decided to do it , thanks for reading josh , nell Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern IllinoisNell , Your article is very educational . Your theory sounds like it could be . Whatever he was a sick person . What i can 't understand , if the mother knew he was capable of committing this terrible act , why would she not notify the police ? Cheers Tammy 4 years ago from North CarolinaThis is such a terrible act . I feel so bad for these families . I really think this guy thinks he is the Joker in some way . I think it will take a lot of time to anaylze this character . It really makes one stop and wonder how many people at this very minute are planning to do the same thing and we just can 't see them . Excellent hub ! Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia , WAThere is no easily digested explanation of these killers . We have had our share of them here in the States . They may well be Evil for lack of a better medical explanation . Well done Nell ; you handled a disturbing story quite well . Fotinoula Gypsyy 4 years ago from NYC BABYYes you are right psychologists can 't pinpoint disturbances sometimes , they are normal people after all and it all depends on what kind of training they received and where . This guy is obviously a crazy person that has no regard for human life , he deserves to suffer to pay for his actions . I feel very sorry for the families that suffered because of him . Dianna Mendez 4 years ago Thanks for bringing this to a level of understanding from a professional 's point of view . It is a perplexing behavior that has made many take note of the implications of certain behavior . I was at a party store yesterday and a parent returned all the batman decorations because she didn 't want her son to identify with the character . It makes you wonder if the parents could have done something to prevent the loss of identity of this sad individual . Christopher Antony Meade 4 years ago from Gillingham Kent . United KingdomHe certainly seems to have achieved one aim , that is to become famous , if that was what he wanted . He can 't be labeled " a murderer " until after his trial however . AuthorNell Rose 4 years ago from EnglandHi teaches , that 's interesting . Sitting here I tried to know how I feel about that , on the one hand I understand the mother not liking the batman association , but on the other hand I think from childs point of view , and in fact from hers too that was maybe overboard a bit . A child won 't understand why his mother would stop him reading or playing as batman . The character is and has been the same for generations , it was a man who did the evil deed , I think that she is actually focusing on the wrong part of the action that 's what I believe , what do you think ? thanks nell AuthorNell Rose 4 years ago from EnglandHi christopher , yes he has become famous now , did you see what 's happening on facebook ? evidently he has a following already ! how sick is that ? it was in the Newspaper ! I think in his case he can be called a murderer now as he was caught in the act , thanks as always , nell Mary Craig 4 years ago from New YorkExcellelnt hypothesis . So many things factor into this boy 's insanity and I believe he had to be insane to want to kill that many people . I am impressed with your background and knowledge and believe as others have that you will be right on more than one count ! Voted up , useful , and interesting . pissedoffmeathead 4 years ago We should go back to throwing stones in the arena at the scum bags like this until " it " dies . I can 't imagine what the families who died did to deserve this . There were just regular people with their own life , happiness , sadness etc just were so excited enough to watch this film asap . This nutbag walks in and kills them for no fuckking reasons . No one deserves this . AuthorNell Rose 4 years ago from EnglandAs I stated in my article this is only my opinion , and I appreciated everybodys views on it . Rea Psych , I mentioned that there was a possibility that James may not have wanted to follow in his fathers footsteps , that is all . who knows what went on in their house ? As you can see all over the news , his mother was fully aware of the fact that he was capable of this horrific act . But thank you for your opinion . alocsin 4 years ago from Orange County , CAI saw his demeanor on the news today while he was seated in court . It 's quite obvious to me , being in the acting profession , that he 's trying to " act " a role - - most likely an insane person . If he were on my stage , I 'd kick him off for being non - believable . I hope the judge will see through him as well . Maria Jordan 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PADear Nell , Your objective and informative approach in a matter that is so devastatingly objectionable on every level is most impressive . Having my life turned upside down in 1999 by a madman with a gun and watching a friend die before my eyes , it doesn 't much matter what the reasons are behind the senseless acts to those innocent people involved . My prayers go out to each of the victims / their families . Thank you for your sensitivity in this writing . Hugs , Maria AuthorNell Rose 4 years ago from EnglandHi Maria , I sat and read your comment and I have no idea how to say how terrible that must have been , words can 't even express them . When you are subjected to something so mind shattering as that I can understand totally what you mean about it doesn 't matter what the reasons were behind it . I think the reason why I wrote this was because in my shocked and totally bewildered mind after seeing this on tv , I just felt that I had to try and get my head around it , to be honest I did think twice about writing it , but my hands just wanted to write it down to maybe explain it . I am so sorry for what happened to you , I won 't even try to say I can understand because of course I can 't , all I can say is thank you for your kind words about my hub , and hugs back ten times over , nell Sueswan 4 years ago Hi Nell , My heart felt prayers go out to the victims families . " When his mother was interviewed she stated " You 've got the right person " . So it seems as though his psychological disorder was known to the family . " Perhaps , but I am not 100 % sure after reading the following from the Huffington post . " I was awakened by a call from a reporter by ABC on July 20 about 5 : 45 in the morning . I did not know anything about a shooting in Aurora at that time . He asked if I was Arlene Holmes and if my son was James Holmes who lives in Aurora , Colorado . I answered yes , you have the right person . I was referring to myself . I asked him to tell me why he was calling and he told me about a shooting in Aurora . He asked for a comment . I told him I could not comment because I did not know if the person he was talking about was my son , and I would need to find out . " I think some people are born evil or crazy . For those of us who are sane , it is hard to imagine how someone could commit such an act so we look for reasons . Voted up and interesting . AuthorNell Rose 4 years ago from EnglandHi Sue , that 's interesting , now did she say it to the reporter or is she trying to make excuses ? I know I should feel sorry for James mother but I get the feeling that she must have known something was going on , maybe not ? yes he may just be that , insane , perhaps we try to understand why someone does this type of thing because we believe ' there must be a reason ' when really there is not . Thanks for letting me know about that , and for reading too , cheers nell Sueswan 4 years ago Hi Nell , I looked into this further . Apparently ABC new spoke exclusively to Arlene Holmes and she did say that " You have the right person , " she said , apparently speaking on gut instinct . " I need to call the police . . . I need to fly out to Colorado . " But on Monday , a lawyer for the Holmes family read a statement by Arlene Holmes to the press , saying that she needed to " clarify " the comments attributed to her . It does make you wonder if this is just a cover up . AuthorNell Rose 4 years ago from EnglandHi Sue , yes it certainly looks that way . I should imagine Arlene said those first words that you mentioned in your first comment to the reporter , but I believe she probably did say it in this context too . she was his mother and even if she didn 't know exactly what he was going to do , I believe she must have sensed some change in him , thanks for coming back , nell Nicole Canfield 4 years ago from the EtherI feel so bad for the families and people involved in this awful situation . A 3 month old was there . . . did you know that ? How horrible . Yes , I believe he did go crazy and was living in a dreamstate . . . it really makes me wonder . It also makes me scared to go to the movie theater ! Not to say that it will happen again , but you never know with people . . . very interesting . Nell - I like your theories . You 're one smart lady . : ) AuthorNell Rose 4 years ago from EnglandThanks kitty , yes I heard that a baby was there . Where the heck are we supposed to go to be safe ? you would have thought a cinema would be the best place in the world . I think everybody across the world will always feel a bit uncomfortable going into a cinema now , at least for a while , but it will always be at the back of their mind . hope he gets the death penalty , if he ends up in an asylum people are not going to be happy , thanks , nellmy pc crashed and commented too many times ! had to delete ! Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas , USAI had to work up to reading this . I couldn 't do it right after it happened . I had watched a 20 / 20 special that made me so sick inside . Your insights are interesting and could be right on . I wonder about his mom , too . This is all so tragic . Thanks for sharing this . John Sarkis 4 years ago from Los Angeles , CAGreat hub Nell . As you probably know I 'm from the states - California to be exact , and we just can 't believe this happened . The entire weekend was news about this guy on TV and the horrendous crime he committed . Additionally , people always have a difficulty equating genius to crime , but there are lots of smart people who aren 't right in the heart and their IQ 's have little to do with it . Always a pleasure - voted up on your wonderful hubJohn Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years ago from Riga , LatviaInteresting and fascinating hub . Obviously there is so much more to James than just losing a few screws . One seriously sick young man who has a lot to answer for but can he ? Thanks for sharing . Angel Ward 4 years ago from Galveston , TXI can 't believe how few people realize a woman that escaped the Canada attack , a month before just " accidentally " got killed in this one . she was the same age too , sorry but this whole thing is set up with more than one involved . either someone was after her , or she was part of it and got shot by accident etc . . . . I really don 't think she was , she was in media etc . . . there is way more to the story than mainstream media is letting on . . . . don 't let them limit the truth , search deeper . . . AuthorNell Rose 4 years ago from EnglandHi John , that must have been terrible seeing it like that over there , it was bad enough in England , we were totally shocked . I know these sort of things have happened over there before but this just seemed much more real and awful , yes people like this can be so brainy it tips them over to madness , or on the other hand they could be clever and a sociopath . I am going to keep following the story and hopefully see the right outcome , thanks nell AuthorNell Rose 4 years ago from EnglandHi Gypsy , yes I totally agree , and I think that 's what has shaken all of us , the fact that he could walk among everybody else and nobody spotted it . its just so chilling . What was the tipping point between his so called sanity and his evilness ? makes me shudder to think , thanks so much for reading , cheers nell Sheila Brown 4 years ago from Southern OklahomaWhat a horrible , horrible thing this was ! No one knows for sure , what goes on in the mind of some people . I wonder how his mother feels . She knew there was something dangerous about him and yet , she did nothing to help him . My heart goes out to all the family and friends of the people who were injured and killed in this tragedy . Voted up and interesting . AuthorNell Rose 4 years ago from EnglandHi angel , yes I had heard about her too , and wondered what the hell was going on , I couldn 't believe that she got caught up in this one after going through something similar a month before . My curiosity got the better of me after reading your comment , and I have just tracked down her story . and this is where the whole thing gets so weird its unbelievable . Evidently she had written a blog after the event , and stupidly I just read it . I has been regarded as one of the most chilling things to come out of the whole mess . Please be aware that I cried like a baby when I read it , it is totally and completely heartbreaking . http : / / jessicaredfield . wordpress . com / 2012 / 06 / 05 / la . . . Alastar Packer 4 years ago from North CarolinaGood breakdown on the shooter Nell . Mass killings of the recent past over here like Columbine , McVeigh etc all have mysterious questions in their backgrounds and all the killers had or were on psychotropics . It 'll be very intriguing as the backstory comes out on this one more and more . As an aside : search Denver airport murals sometime . Not saying its connected to this horrible action but is similar in ways . AuthorNell Rose 4 years ago from EnglandHi Alastar , I just went to take a look , what the heck ? ! its like something out of a Dan Brown novel ! and what 's with that horse ? evidently the guy who made it got killed by the ugly looking thing ! scary stuff for an airport ! thanks I didn 't know about that , I will go and read it further , nell Richard Ricky Hale 4 years ago from West VirginiaNell , great diagnostics ! This was quite impressive actually . This makes perfect sense Nell and you did a heck of job writing this article . So many little things can transpire for one to act out like he did . You just never know sometimes . It could be a recent event or something that happened years ago . You have did a great job explaining everything Nell . Voted up , useful , and interesting . ptosis 4 years ago from ArizonaI disagree with this hub on so many levels . " The mother of the suspected Colorado Massacre gunman was referring to herself - not her son - when she told a reporter he had the " right person " when asked about the shooting last week " Please re - read the transcript of that conversation . # 2 Where did Holmes get $ 20k to buy all this tactical equipment ? # 3 Why was Holmes mug shot taken the same day as court appearance ( note beard length ) # 4 His Dad is set to testify FICO bank Fraud - guess he 's to busy for that # 5 what about the second shooter ? I don 't like people perpetuating the prejudice that only a mental person could do this , " Anders Behring Brevik , Norway mass murderer , declared insane . . . " A lone gunmen theory make a tidy answer doesn 't it ? AuthorNell Rose 4 years ago from EnglandHi ptosis , I appreciate your reading , and your new evidence . I had no idea about a second shooter ? ! this was just my thoughts on the days following the atrocity , there seems to be so much more going on than we first thought . I will go and read the latest news , thanks for the update and your added info . ptosis 4 years ago from ArizonaThank you all for not tearing me down . That 's why I waited so long to publish a hub on this because it 's just too emotional . When I first heard about it there was a report that a baby was shot point blank in the face . Yet I don 't hear about it now , Looking back at it though , I didn 't think to wonder - why would a person bring an infant to a midnight showing of a very loud movie ? I call my hub State of Emergency because this will change security in our lives . AuthorNell Rose 4 years ago from EnglandThanks ptosis , I totally understand how you feel , and of course we all have our own thoughts on the whole horrible situation . I know there was a little girl who was shot , but I read that the baby was fine , its so complicated and confused . And yes I agree , why would they bring a small baby to a showing ? that was very weird ! I will be over to read shortly and thanks again , nell AuthorNell Rose 4 years ago from EnglandThanks monard for your thoughts , I will go and read Sandra 's blog to see what she has to say . Yes it 's a very complicated thing going on here , we will have to wait and see . Thanks , nell monard 4 years ago Sorry about the dup post . I didn 't think the frist " news617 _ batmanshoh " link posted . Anyway , here 's some more interesting info - truth or fiction , I just don 't know . But , if true , the conclusion drawn leans toward there not being a shooting - all staged . AuthorNell Rose 4 years ago from EnglandHi monard , no sorry I don 't believe that one . Where on earth did that one come from ? we all saw the news , heard the people talking about it etc , too much pain and grief to be faked , I think conspiracy theories will always abound when something like this happens , but there has to be a reason for a conspiracy theory and I can 't think of one for this , its just downright murder , he was evil and that 's that I think , unless you can tell me different ? lol ! monard 4 years ago Conspiracy theory label aside , there had to be ' reason , ' which seemingly stems from the connection between the alleged shooter and his father , who was ( as you know ) to release information on the LIBOR scandal . So much we don 't know , and probably never will . Thanks for a good read , nonetheless . http : / / www . denverpost . com / news / ci _ 21126462 / real - li . . . AuthorNell Rose 4 years ago from EnglandThanks monard , we will have to wait and see , that 's if the real truth is ever revealed , but I think it will be one of those things that will go on for a long time yet , and then he will end up in jail for a very long time . There was another incident as well according to the news ? I haven 't caught who or what yet , but it seems to be another one . Mazzy Bolero 4 years ago from the U . K . Just a point re monard 's coment . Sandra Barr 's blog is not only too bizarre but too unsupported by any genuine evidence . Some things she presents as evidence are incorrect . For instance , she claims the University of Cambridge owns the O2 Arena in Greenwich , which is to be used for some indoor Olympic events , and considers this to be of ominous significance . In fact Anschutz Entertainment Group ( AEG ) has a long lease on that building and the landlords are Meridian Delta Dome Limited . I don 't mind people coming up with a story , but so often the " facts " they produce to support it aren 't facts at all . For a conspiracy theory to be taken seriously , there has to be supporting evidence and it all has to check out . Karen Silverman 4 years ago Ah , Nell , i too share your love for psychology - and agree with most if not all of your educated assumptions / conclusions . Just to take your theory that he realized he would never legitimately best his father one step further : It will certainly be HIM and not Daddy going down in history , won 't it now ? Fame , fortune , notoriety AND a place in the history books ? Let 's see Daddy - o beat that ! On the other hand , i was unwanted ( my father pushed my mother down the front steps when she came home with another daughter . . ) . I watched abuse as i grew up , was abused . . very poor . i left home at 14 , had no support system , blahblahblah . AND - i love animals and pick garbage up off the street . . . People make choices . . . some even choose to be crazy . . Shoot - em - dead is becoming a popular ' fall - back ' plan to get out of just about anything some spoiled narcissist doesn 't relish in life ! Now , let 's factor in that it 's easier to get guns than slurpees in some states , and those always vicious , murderous , soul - less kiddie video games - and all i can say is . . . . DUCK ! Great hub on a sick topic . . . excuse the pun . . Ruchi Urvashi 4 years ago from SingaporeGood and informative hub . I think that the exposure to violent movies and easy access to guns plays a big part . Yes , family unit is very critical and important factor too . Rich 4 years ago from KentuckyNell , I love your work , as you know , and think you 're one of the best people around . Unfortunately , I 'm in the opposite corner on this one . Since the original statement by his mother was made , it has come out that it was taken out of context . Supposedly , his mother , when asked if she was the mother of Holmes said , " Yes , you 've got the right person " in acknowledgement that she was his mother , not that he was guilty . My major in college was Forensic Studies with Psychology as a minor . ( That 's why I 'm here on Hubpages , lol ) As much as I 'd like to dissect and say this is the reason and such , I don 't want to . Why ? Because , I truly believe with every validation of " why " , we are giving validation to the next one in line that is going through parallel similarities . Each instant seems to be a little better planned in all aspects than the previous . It 's almost as though there 's a course for would be mass killers ! I 've gone back to the side that concentrates on the horror of the crime , instead of the killer 's side of why . Perhaps , if the horror is the aspect that is highlighted , the validation will be replaced with some recognition of what is acceptable behavior , and what it not . There are too many tears that are missed by the media and too much empathy for those who cause them . Let 's agree to disagree here ! I think you did an excellent job of presenting and obviously a great amount of time when into preparing this . You need be congratulated on your efforts ! Up & Interesting ! KDuBarry03 4 years ago I recently just watched a show where two main characters suffered terrible events and , in order to help them cope , they created new personalities and those new personalities were dominating them . As you said , dissociative disorder . I do have to give some blame to the parents for forcing too much onto him . I wonder what would have happened if he didn 't go to school for neuroscience . . . Over all , great hub , Nell ! Voted up and sharing ! emilybee 4 years ago Great analysis , Nell . I think it 's just too sad how certain people get affected by things differently than others . Others watch similar films and see them as entertaining , and nothing more than that . It 's almost like these films get ruined for everyone else because some people take it to the limit and can 't view it as only entertainment . I saw the film the same weekend of the tragedy and I 'll admit it ruined my experience . The complete aura of the movie theatre was darkened . Our lives shouldn 't be on the line to view a film , but some take their entertainment too far and change the experience for others . Ritambhara Om 4 years ago heart breaking . . . . . but no one is responsible for this what happened . A normal quite person don 't know that what type of circumstances , pressures and anxiety can turn him in to an abnormal depressive person . It can happen to anyone . Control is not in your hands . When we are in extreme tension , we react in a very strange way . We surprise about our behaviors that how can we do that after doing strange deeds . Anxiety , tension , family issues and some emotional unsolved puzzles affect my close friend 's behavior too . She try to divert herself completely towards net surfing , watching English movies and dramas , and writing poems . She is still waiting for time to change in a positive way and her wait is still continue . Sometimes she feels to give up on herself . Her anxiety leads her to sleeping disorder . It is regular for her to wake up once in her sleep with extreme fear and confused state of mind . It takes half an hour for her to be normal . In that state she find herself with negative energy to face society . But she think that her God is still with her that 's why she is not totally broken and still struggling . When someone will come in her life as a lifelong partner she will be fine . I will share her psychological problem in one of my hub . I don 't know why I am telling you all this . Perhaps I think he himself is not responsible for this mishap . Every broken social issues , broken family problem will harm ultimately to society no matter who will be the victim . For nature there is no division among human beings . So we should take care every person in family , every individual in society otherwise any problem social , economical , psychological etc . will destroy society itself . AuthorNell Rose 4 years ago from EnglandThanks everyone for reading , I am a bit behind tonight so I will be back tomorrow . I will just say that since writing this , a few other things have come out about him and yes I do tend to agree with you all . There is much more behind it , and maybe at the end of the day he really does not have any excuses , or reasons to believe his father was pushing him etc , maybe he really is just psychotic . I wrote this just after it happened reading all the stuff in the newspapers it seemed to be the right answer at the time . but as I said it was just my opinion . After studying psychology for years , we were told that most people , however ' mad ' or psychotic , usually have a ' reason ' for doing these sort of things . whether the reason is valid or not , in their mind it is . It will be interesting to see what comes out of it , or whether they ever get to the real reason . At the end of the day we must just think of the poor people it happened too , they are the victims , and its so sad . Thanks for reading , nell HubTub 4 years ago Very interesting analysis of JH ( I refuse to acknowledge his name ) and a wonderful read . One of the main points you made that I found to be quite disturbing is the very fine line between someone having a mental illness and also having the propensity to be a cold - blooded killer . With millions of people suffering from one form of mental illness or another , I guess you never know when someone could snap . Obviously , in the case of JH , the consequences were devastating . Voted up + more and sharing ! Pamela Kinnaird W 4 years ago from Maui and ArizonaI hadn 't heard of this man and his crimes until reading your hub just now . I will be reading up on him via computer . But just from the hub 's information , my mind says sociopath and possibly narcissism - - which always have roots in childhood . But that 's just my first impression . Voting up . Learn Things Web 4 years ago from CaliforniaThis is a very interesting analysis . Parents should give their kids freedom to be whatever they want . I think pressure to do something you don 't want to do can push an already psychologically vulnerable person over the edge . It will be interesting to see what comes out at his trial . Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New YorkNell . . . I am so glad that your hub has been circulated again , since I obviously missed this the first time around . Your take on this tragedy is very thoughtful and well - written , Nell . Kudos to you for your sound opinions . From the very beginning of time and I 'm afraid , until the last moment this world should cease to be . . . . . there have , are and will always be , the abnormal , mentally damaged , and if you will , freak - type - human beings . The mind is an enormously complex world of endless dimensions . Even today , it is believed and rightly so , man has basically " scratched the surface " in truly understanding even a small part of the vast vault of knowledge of this mysterious organ that controls our every thought , word , movement , & deed . . . both voluntary and involuntary . In short and simply stated . . . . . . the human brain / mind . . . . in terms of what we know and do know as yet . . . is literally mind - boggling . As ironic as this may seem , it is pure , unadulterated fact . I read each and every comment carefully . . . and even here , with the group who has responded to your hub . . . . . this young man , his egregious action , has managed to create a myriad of " possibilities , " explanations , opinions . . . . . . normal people attempting to understand what caused an abnormal person to do , that may not be understood at all , in the end . I should stop now , or I will commit the crime of taking too much time and space . I don 't want to , Nell , but I continually must remind myself that I am RETIRED ! ! ! Thank you for your awesome thoughts . . . . UP + + + Tom 4 years ago Do you have a degree in psychology ? For disclosure , I do not , but I think you make a number of erroneous assertions in this piece . Further , there seems to be an air of ill - founded authority as to his mental state . Have you interviewed Mr . Holmes ? Also irritating is your conflation of introversion with a so - called " killer " mindset . It is well known that the disorders that are associated with murderers , spree killers , serial killers etc . are malignant narcissism , antisocial and dissocial personality disorder , psychopathy and sociopathy . One trait central to these disorders , as far as I am aware , is the level of innate cortical arousal . The disorder you are hinting at is none of the aforementioned ; you are obliquely referring to schizoid personality disorder , which is characterised by a proneness to introspection and fantasy , in addition to poor motivation and social isolation . Such individuals do not need to act out as they are stimulated internally , unlike the narcissist , psychopath and sociopath . In fact , extroversion correlates with social dominance orientation and psychopathy and narcissism . Your portrait of the typical loner who loses it one day is quite antiquated , it is no more than a trope confined to B grade exploitation films . I hope this link will be illustrative in some manner . http : / / shy - in - the - firelight . com / psychopathaspd . htm AuthorNell Rose 4 years ago from EnglandYes Tom I do have a degree in psychology . and the one thing we did learn was that to catagorise someone completely is wrong . So many overlap psychosis . As you said you are not qualified . your opinion is your own , and even though you are not trained you seem to think you know it better than me . The fact is you can be trained for years , but most of the time we never really know why someone does this kind of thing , and that 's the secret . Most of it is guesswork mixed with what we have learned , bit like groping around in the dark . If you had taken the degree you would have known that . But thanks for your opinion . Hubert Williams 4 years ago Nell , you aroused my curiosity with this article . I was happily semi ignorant of this case , except for the occasional headline in my news reader . I was not even aware of his name . I don 't pay attention to mass murders anymore , there have been so many . Frankly , I feel that a rivalry has been born among the people who conceive these murders . A rivalry that has been fueled by the press who keep adding coal to the burner . That is my uneducated opinion , of course . I am not sure that I would even want to peruse the thoughts from a mind of such a person as described in this article , but I found this article very interesting . It made me , at least , look into the incident a little further . About UsCopyrightTerms of UsePrivacy PolicyCopyright © 2017 HubPages Inc . and respective owners . Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners . HubPages ® is a registered Service Mark of HubPages , Inc . HubPages and Hubbers ( authors ) may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon , Google , and others . 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Tags : 2013 , 5th ritual , alba iulia , altar of plagues , aluk todolo , ana never , and also the trees , dale cooper quartet , dark bombastic evening , dbe , dbe5 , electric moon , electric orange , esoteric , festival , glaciation , happy gorilla dance company , IN VAIN , mourning beloveth , parzival , promise and the monster , romania , ryma , sieben , solefald , theodor bastard , turning golem , vulture industries , zero During my first visit at Dark Bombastic Evening event , in 2012 , in the heart of Transylvania - the fortress of Alba Iulia , I decided that this festival has to become a yearly tradition . Mainly because of its simplicity and friendliness , two features that almost no other musical event have offered with such generosity . Both the 2012 and 2013 rituals of Dark Bombastic Evening have treated me with insane doses of good music , good mood and great company . In a location that might be the size of your backyard , if you have room for an ok sized stage , a couple of equipment boxes around it and then about 3 - 4 hundred people in front of it , then you have the festival area . A bit further away there 's some space for tents and for the bricks oven where big pots filled with local specialties are most likely to provoke an instant hunger and an unforgettable orgasm for your taste buds . But what you will surely lack in your backyard are the 300 years old fortress walls that were built in a Roman style and that add a very special charm to the whole experience . I am not sure whether to focus more on the musical events at the festival or on each of the small details that made it all so special . But starting with the latter , I think the detail that should be ranked way high is the fact that for three days you feel peaceful . There 's hardly any human behavior originating from Pandora 's box . I 've never seen a festival where the security team is so invisible despite the flashy yellow / orange colors on their vests . And despite the fact that they rarely bother to be around the stage , the artists are much safer than if you put them in a glass box . Not to mention the overall safety feeling , so rare at public events , but here it felt like you could misplace anything of value and there 'd be high chances you got it back . There 's so much respect and politeness on square meter that it 's almost surreal . People are more preoccupied with being happy and headbanging like crazy on the rhythms of some music that many of them never dared to dream to see live . Everyone has the chance to go and stuck their nose on the stage if they want . All these things are never offered by any of the bigger size events I attended , so , if it sounds unreal to you , it 's simply because you haven 't witnessed it live . Bonus : you get local food . No ' everything tastes the same ' fast food . It 's all being mixed and packed and spread and baked in front of you . It might be a tad odd for foreigners at first , but I only heard good feedback about it . There 's a local cheese pastry , eggplant salad , gulas and can 't recall what else … As for drinks , there 's nobody ripping you off with festival prices . The area already has a bar that is functioning within a room inside the fortress walls , so the drinks menu ( printed in the shape of a vinyl ) is pretty complex and the beers had such a price that a Norwegian declared they are too cheap . Everything is cheap compared to a 10 EUR beer in a bar up North though , but the point I 'm insisting on is that the alcohol price was not raised by 100 % just because it The ' actual ' festival lasts for 3 days now ( compared to last year when there were only two ) , but there 's some sort of a day 0 , which took place on Wednesday and it offered a big fire around which people gathered to tell a story , play some guitars and watch a documentary . I missed this opening night as I only left Bucharest on Thursday morning and I drove for about 6 and a half hours to get to Alba Iulia . That meant I also missed the trip organised that morning to the Rosia Montana , a mineral rich area which is subject to a big environmental issue surrounding gold ( ? ) mining . I recall I was so dead when we arrived at the hotel that I instantly fell asleep and woke up when the first band was supposed to begin . After eating and preparing everything , I left for the RYMA area ( the name of the festival location ) and I actually managed to get there in the middle of the first act , since everything seemed to have been delayed . And so the musical journey started . The Serbians from Ana Never were the festival openers , and while the post - rock style flowing from their instruments was pretty pleasant ( and it was cool to watch the drummer 's own way of living the show ) , I didn 't stop to pay attention for more than few minutes . But it was also because I was starting to spot familiar faces and went round hugging people and saying some hellos , shaking some hands and making new acquaintances . Another cool thing about this festival is that , by the end of the last evening , you more or less had the chance to speak to everyone in the area as everyone is a friend of a friend of a friend you already know . I even got to meet a guy who biked all the many kilometers from Bucharest to Alba Iulia , a road that forces you to cross the Carpathians . That was pretty brave . Up next it 's time for French melancholy performed by Zero . A very uninspired name if you want to lookup some info about the band ( at least more than it 's provided on their facebook page , called , obviously , killhimplease ) . It was interesting to see none other than Alcest 's Niege behind the drum kit with some gigantic drum sticks and doing a rather good job . He even kept silent for the whole show , allowing the singer to present us his very pleasant harsh vocal skills . Once the French trio was done , another trio took its place on stage , this time a German one - Electric Moon - who brought with them a wave of psychadelic sounds that I initially disliked ( or didn 't understand ) , but by the end of each song I realised I was stuck in one place staring at the stage . Even if they were only three on stage , it felt like they would be able to convince the fortress walls to break into pieces due to the explosions in their music . Hats off for their skills and I should queue as much of their stuff as possible in my playlists . The only minus from my point of view was that the band members ( except the drummer , who didn 't have much of a choice ) rarely faced the crowd . But then again , you must really be into your own world to produce those sounds . Aluk Todolo 's concert took place around a light - bulb hanging in the middle of the stage , light - bulb emitting a light whose intensity fluctuated according to the intensity of the guitar sounds . Overall it built an occult atmosphere to match the ' style ' associated with their music . A music that would have been a good prelude to any malefic scene in a dark movie which is about to summon some demons . They did obsessively repeat their stuff and I couldn 't really digest the whole concert until the end . Maybe since there was a complete lack of evilness in the air and it didn 't feel right that they tried to change that . But whatever was in the air at that hour , it probably froze in agony during the last performance of the evening , another French band by the name of Dale Cooper Quartet . Their dark jazz that seriously transposed you in a Twin Peaks like set of images , wondering what giant would jump from behind the stage , was like a trip in time . But a mysterious trip constantly backed up by a saxophone that was about to rip your soul apart with its sounds . I admitted the beauty of their dark music , but I sincerely was not at all in he mood for it , so I spent a lot of their concert catching up with some friends . I realise now that the music would have been perfect if me and my friends would have stayed in some big red armchairs with glasses of whiskeys in a hand and a nicely flavored cigar in the other . Those would have been some serious talks . Friday started rather early with the beloved sounds of construction workers moving iron bars and starting cars whose engines make more noise than all the drummers at the festival . But that at least allowed for an early breakfast and another sleep reprise as I had difficulties being alive at 9AM . Later on I took a trip with my mum and we crossed through the main alley of the fortress , took photos , went further on to a big street full of outdoors bars , had lunch and a lemonade , then off again to to festival area . The second day of the festival was baptised ' experimental evening ' ( the previous one was ' instrumental evening ' ) . I admit I love experiments . I fell in love with a lot of the ones from last year , and , by the end of the evening , new passions emerged . The first one was in the shape of three pretty Swedish ladies by the name of Promise and the Monster . Three heavenly voices supporting eachother in beautiful harmony , surrounded by a bunch of microphones in order to capture the soft sounds of the acoustic guitars , of the clapping and of the various types of bells . The girls convinced almost everyone to sit on the grass and let them lead their dreams under the hot afternoon sun , giving everything a hippie like feeling . It was the kind of sound that , whatever dictionary you use , you end up picking the word ' beautiful ' to describe it . Once the Swedes received their dose of applauses and left the stage , one elegant man and his violin took over . Apparently he was called Sieben . Apparently he 's been around for a while and to my biggest shame I never heard his music before . I was seriously mind blown after a couple of seconds . I think one of the things I love most about live concerts is when musicians put passion into what they do . This guy put his own passion , transmitted it to you , made you feel passionate about his performance and then fed on your passion , only to return it to you in this vicious circle . He would wave his bow out in the air like crazy while he 'd madly sing into the microphone . He would dance around with the violin in order to reach all his pedals and buttons used to record small pieces that he would loop on the background in order to build a rhythm section for each song . He would sing ( and what a lovely voice ) and scream and whisper into the violin microphone in order to obtain the background choirs of each song . And he would talk to us so nicely in between songs and keep us entertained . He would even play a Joy Division cover . He was simply amazing and , even if I seen this kind of ' live song building ' using recorded loops , I 've never seen it done with so much passion and dedication . Hats off to Matt Howden and his talent . Luckily , a friend of mine stopped beside me before the next concert and told me I 'm about to see what Dark and Bombastic really meant . Else I would have probably been shocked by the Russian - Danish - German combination that goes by the name Parzival . They are described as playing ' epic martial ' , and I still have no clue what martial actually means when it comes to music , but it certainly has a military / medieval touch to it . And it sent me back to a lot of the Russian choirs and songs we had on the radio when I was little . I admit I was a tad shocked by the style of music . Especially since I associate it with about 100 people who must play together in order to pull it off . But they did it with two percussionists ( wearing black masks with red towels like on top of their heads ) , a keyboard player , a guitarist and a vocalist . Oh , and what vocals skills that man had . He really is the definition of epic considering the deepness and the intensity of the sounds of his voice . Once again , he , alone , sounds like an entire male choir . Another mind blowing moment . Besides , I love percussion parts in music , and considering this band only had two big ass percussion sets with some cymbals attached , I was in a musical heaven . They were followed by another psychedelic electric band , this time Electric Orange from Germany , but I seriously couldn 't focus much on that concert , as I didn 't really figure out much of the funky decorations laid on the drum set and on the percussion set . My brain was stuck at the previous two ones and was eagerly anticipating the upcoming concert Besides , I needed food so I took a break to taste some of the local goodies . Yumm ! Then I planted myself in front of the stage in order to get a good angle for the photos . To my surprise , my mum showed up at the festival area and I was really happy to finally show have her seeing me ' in action ' with my camera . And seeing the performance of the Russians from Theodor Bastard . I learned about this band because of 2012 edition of DBE and I fell in love with their stage presence and the voice of their singer , the beautiful Yana . Even if there seemed to be some tiny issues during the soundcheck and some nerves arose on stage , by the time the show started this was professionally left aside and good mood took over from the first second . Fedor , switching between playing his body - less guitar , the percussion drum or hitting the gong , is constantly smiling and jumping around as often as the rhythm allows . One of the guys on stage is responsible to play some sort of wooden xylophone , a long wind instrument and plenty of smaller percussion elements , while Yana herself plays few different types of flutes . The whole combination of sounds is some of the freshest things I heard lately . Including the fact that when Yana 's beautiful voice stays silent , it happens we hear Fedor rapping . The crowd loves them so much that they were not allowed to leave the stage and had to perform an encore . I can 't see why anyone wouldn 't be under the spell of the genuine music that didn 't really allow your body to stand still . Right after the show , on the wall behind the stage I saw the shadow of a woman that was dancing and I went running there to take some photos . It turned out that the crazy gang of Vulture Industries together with the even crazier gang of Happy Gorilla Dance Company needed to film shadows moving on the walls . So they sat two big light sources on the grass and decided that everyone should move backwards as they 'd pass between the lights and the wall . But it would have been too boring to just walk backwards . So they used their imagination . And I swear by any gods that those people don 't lack imagination . I had always liked them , but now it was another moment of that evening of falling in love with beautiful madness . Also with the mini Darth Vader who ran around the festival area the whole day and was photographed by everyone . He also participated in the shadow dance on the walls and was a really sweet addition to the whole deal . Once the Russian spell was broken by the silence between two concerts and the shadows on the walls dance , it felt like the night was over . Even if the stage was taken over by the British post punkers from And Also the Trees . They were elegant on stage and they performed elegant music . As British as it could get . Poetic and polite , but unfortunately too calm after the cozy and pretty rhythms from before . The singer had also the kind of voice I 'm deeply impressed by and , had they performed in another context , I 'm sure they would have gotten more of my attention . As you can see , this little festival has almost too many goodies to offer for a mortal to digest them all . Especially when most of them are novelties to you . Saturday started so lazy that I even managed to miss the first band of the day , Heretoir . I heard their blast beats from outside the fortress walls , while passing by a wedding ceremony that tried to entertain the participants with sax and trumpet . I should have told them to come to the festival for better music . But then I realised it 's the metal evening and Romanian culture is too scared of things that are easily labeled as satanists . But that only leaves more place for the rest of us . The first act I witnessed was also from France , was called Glaciation and it contained members of the first day project , Zero , including a guest appearance of Niege from Alcest . This time on vocals . A raw style of black metal which , despite the passion and the intensity of the singer , didn 't convince me to stay around the stage for longer than I needed to take some photos . But I did come back and didn 't move too far from the front area of the stage for the duration of the next two concerts . Both Norwegian bands , In Vain and Solefald . Since the bands share a lot of musicians and played right after eachother , it almost felt like the same band with two different styles . First , In Vain with their progressive sound and a fantastic skill at building songs that are so rich and varied it 's almost confusing . They have clean vocals , they have mad and mean melodic growls that demand your respect , they have riffs , they have sick drumming , they have peaceful bits and ballad like sections . And despite the big differences that seem to arise even within the same song , they have a fantastic skill at building unitary pieces that in the end make perfect sense . Even if they already had two skilled singers on the stage , they felt the need to invite a third one , for one song . Of course , he is another member of Solefald . Speaking of sense , there 's way less of it in the Solefald appearance . I think you need to know a bit about the band 's background and ideas in order to comprehend their show : the uniform worn by Cornelius Jakhelln at the beginning of the show ; the political references in the songs ( why would anyone state that the USA don 't exist ? ) ; the salmon dance combined with black metal growls ; the ballad to the sun and the mythological references ; the fact that the band formed many years ago in Romania , in Constanta . And the fact that before their last song , Cornelius said there 's gonna be a surprise at the end of it and we should think about our location . And they ended with a cover of Darkthrone 's Transylvanian Hunger . That brought them some big dose of applauses . I have mixed feelings about the show . And it 's not at all tht I didn 't like it . I just didn 't know how serious to take them . When I saw them live at Inferno festival , they had a person painting mountains live as the show went on . That added a touch of seriousness . And Cornelius jumped way less from one end of the stage to another . But here , at Alba Iulia , they seemed in another dimension . Alas , it was fun to watch and I can rarely complain about people having fun ( up to a certain limit ) . Plus , they had a certain cuteness that contributed to ignoring the wtf factor of the show . Apparently , this cuteness was contagious as it made me leave the festival area and go on the other side of the wall ( I wished it was as cold as your mind makes you think it might have been ) and visited a dog show . It had a lot of sweet puppies and never seen before dog breeds , so I ended up spending most of the Altar of Plagues playing with dogs . Then I realised that someone told me it 's the band 's last show so I hurried back to catch some of it and to see how a guitar can make history by being broken to pieces in the middle of musical passion . There was also a lot of passion in the intensity of the headbangers gathered in front of the stage . Maybe if I ever come to appreciate the music of this band , I 'm gonna regret not being into the right black metal mood at this last show of theirs . I was a tad melancholic at that point I guess . The dark doom of Esoteric didn 't help much with the mood at the beginning of their show as all I recorded was the slowness of the rhythm . And then , after talking to some friends about the skills needed to keep such a slow pace , I actually started appreciating the process that took place on stage . Even if the music had some sort of slow motion feeling , it was impressive that the band made you live it at a very high intensity . I didn 't figure out the magick behind this , but I certainly enjoyed trying to figure it out . As soon as they stopped singing , I installed myself in front of the stage as it was time for the main reason I came to the festival : the Turning Golem project ( aka Vulture Industries together with the Happy Gorilla Dance Project ) . Another fast change over ( I think DBE is working with the fastest stage technicians on the planet ) … then darkness and some background tunes … And so the madness starts . Vulture Industries members , wearing the same blueish uniform top , enter the stage , as the singer is being accessorised with his own … chained golem that got pulled all the way to the front of the stage and had to stand there enslaved for the duration of the first song . His ' master ' climbed on a box so that he appeared even more impressive that he usually does during a performance . The first song ended by forcing the golem to get his well paint - coated body to good use and break the bricks laid on a table on the side of the drumkit . The stage is then invaded by a person dressed in an orange suit , carrying a small video camera and a big flashlight that is annoyingly directed into everyone 's eyes while the results are filmed and played on the backdrop ( in a somewhat distorted way ) . Once the orange alien is gone , the attention shifts towards the white robe standing on the left side of the drum kit as it slowly starts moving and points to the text projected on the backdrop . It might be that she 's showing us the lyrics to the songs , who knows . But we surely know she 's absolutely amazing on stage after she gets in the middle of it and starts dancing . For a while , she faces the crowd with her left side , depicting another golem with very dry skin . And then she turns around … and there you have a lovely lady in a white dress . This was such a wow effect . And she kept on doing it until the end of the song when she started trembling like jelly until she collapsed on stage . After this , she started laughing madly while following the singer around and imitating his moves . And the crowd was also asked to imitate some of his moves for the duration of the next song . Then the bricks - breaking golem decided to rebel and moved closer to the center of the stage . Then everyone made a circle and started moving around the singer ( everyone means the two golems and the three other movable musicians on stage ) . Then the woman climbed on the bricks table and started screaming , after releasing the golem from hThe last band of the festival were the Irish doom act Mourning Beloveth . And with all the respect to everyone who loves their music , my brain could hardly understand any musical combination that would enter my ears at that point in time . I only saw golems and only heard the Vulture Industries theatrical dramatic sound . It was like trying to figure out what hit me . So I decided instead to start saying goodbyes and go towards the hotel as I would have had to wake up in some 4 - 5 hours to drive back to Bucharest and then to catch flights back to Oslo . It was a rather good moment to return as I witnessed some funny off - festival band moments , but I 'd much rather respect people 's privacy and not say a word about them . In a classical style , I end my story with the biggest thanks that can be expressed on a PC screen and address them to Doru who amazes everyone with his level of energy and dedication to make everything work perfectly for everyone . The same goes to each of the people involved in making DBE a reality and to the security team who should give lessons to each security agency that works with concerts . Thumbs up . Hats off . Peace out ! We arrived there Thursday afternoon after an interesting start of the day , involving some pigeon shit and few hours spent with the car in a service . But driving through Romania through Valea Oltului can be rewarding as it offers some pretty landscapes and cool , narrow and / or steep driving sections . The hotel we stayed at , Transilvania , besides missing a letter in the name and some basic comfort related details , offered us a friendly stuff and comfortable beds for a good rest . It was also located pretty close to the Ryma area , the place where DBE took place . This Ryma area is a part of the Alba Iulia fortress , a place that played some important roles throughout Romania 's history . As I am not writing the review with the purpose to give a history lesson , for those of you interested , you can maybe start reading a bit here - http : / / www . uab . ro / sesiuni _ 2008 / limbi _ moderne / pagini / venue . htm - and then use the search engines ' power in order to find out more . Overall , it is a fantastic location for such a festival as it contributes to the authenticity and the coziness of the atmosphere . I have no idea how many participants the festival had . I noticed an impressive number of people who came from abroad . But my amazement was quite obvious when I realised how ' big ' the stage and the festival designated area were . Yet , it worked perfectly I 'd say . There was place for tents all the way in the back , a place for the ' kitchen ' where we would be served some really tasty authentic foods ( I so had enough of festival fast foods prior to this event ) , a climbing wall , an outdoor bar , a bunch of tables , a stage , a merch stand and even few parked cars . Inside the fortress walls at the Ryma spaces there was place for another bar , an artists area and an art gallery that I personally forgot to visit . Yet everything was reachable within thirty seconds of walking . It was that small and I hope you can imagine how special the two evenings become under such circumstances . Wherever you walk you most likely run into a familiar face . And if not , after few hours of moving around , every face becomes familiar . Old acquaintances blend with new ones , there 's a certain friendliness floating all over the place and most of all , a lack of stress that I rarely felt in Romania . Even the guards somewhat managed to ' hide ' their presence , meaning that I never felt them threatening in any way like it might happen at concerts . I actually didn 't notice any of them in front of the stage , another thing that I never experienced before . Besides the multitude of bipeds in the area , we had the company of some local ( ? ) stray dogs who occasionally added their barks as effects to whatever was performed on stage . Plus , next to these performances that I will try to summarise below , we could admire all sorts of acrobatic performances ( jugglers , slackline , one wheeled bikes ) , kids fighting with wooden swords or brave folks trying to reach the top of the climbing wall . The best thing was that you didn 't need to relocate at all in order to admire the show . When it would be dark enough , some small balloons carrying candles would be seThe ' noise ' would start each day at four PM , each band getting around forty five minutes on stage then fifteen minutes for the instruments change and set up and all . The fourth DBE ritual was opened by the Scottish band Falloch and their Folk , Atmospheric and Post Rock mix , but due some previous running back and forth to / from the fortress , I missed a part of their show so I only got to notice little of the atmosphere they might try to build , but I must say that the music was , occasionally , way too badass for the softer and clean vocals . But then again , I heard too little of it to fully remember what happened on stage . After a short while , the stage was taken over by one of the many Swedish bands in the festival 's schedule : Isole . They brought along over twenty years of experience and music and a very dark / doom metal that felt like perfectly belonging to the fortress walls . Slow tempos and very long songs , whose depressiveness was quite ruined by daylight , yet it allowed you to focus more on the skills of each musician ( one of them being a member in Loch Vostok , a band that will visit many European places pretty soon on their tour ) . All in all , I found it to be a pretty direct and fanciness free doom that 's worth checking out . I only recently discovered the Finns from Oranssi Pazuzu and their psychedelic black metal ( one of the band members called it cosmic metal , but since that description is taken , we left it to psychedelic cosmic metal ) . But they are rather catchy , for me at least . They have such odd songs and riffs ( one guitar player occasionally uses a lightbulb over the chords ) that simply get stuck to your brain . I dare you to fully listen to the song ' Komeetta ' and take it out of your head afterwards . The band 's name seems to translate into the expression ' exorcist cosmos ' , which suits pretty well the evilness transmitted through their music , a music that at times felt able to even darken the sunlight . I believe the band regretted a lot their stage uniforms involving very thick black coats / hoods , considering everyone in the crowd was boiling and wearing only tshirts . But they did offer an intense performance and probably made some new fans right away . Another small break and time for Alcest , a French band that is ' on the wave ' right now , playing countless of concerts and festivals and gaining more and more attention in the press . They had played DBE the previous year and , despite their busy schedule , they decided to make the effort to play Alba Iulia once more . They were very loved by the crowd as far as I noticed , and I was glad to finally experience live the interesting mix of black metal and some soft , cozy harmonies , that I lately found described as dreamy post - romantic blackgaze . Next , we would be taken towards a more atmospheric and post black metal music , spiced up with jazzy influences , with the help of the Germans from Lantlôs . As far as I understood , it was their first live show . It started feeling like the music would get darker and darker , impression enforced by the two bands that followed . The music was not easy to digest at all , as it certainly has a genuine way of combining elements that end up sounding so ' noir ' and heavy and like nothing you ( or maybe I ) heard before . It has a certain melancholy and monotony , yet , strangely it doesn 't feel repetitive . I guess they need some congratulations for managing to obtain this . All this was followed by even more slower rhythms coming from the Finns in Unholy , a project that was formed back in the nineties , but kept on splitting , hence , there 's not that many chances of seeing them live . Even fewer , if none , in the future . And I feel bad for not bothering to understand more of the bizzare mixes and sounds on stage , but my stomach was demanding its rights so I had to spend time filling it up with food and taking a little rest for the day . I returned to watch more Finnish dark music , from Dark Buddha Rising . As it started to get dark , the atmosphere was well built in combination with the bloody show offered by the singer who poured ' blood ' all over his body using some slow , adequate motions . Their silhouettes were perfectly matched with the DBE fiery logo projected behind the drums . Their music totally requires a certain mood or state of mind to comprehend . I saw people who were simply adoring it and a lot of the audience was simply wondering ' wtf ? ' . Don 't think I heard anything in between about the band 's sound , that most likely feels like a neverending repeating riff for an untrained ear . Because , at the times when I did try to figure something out , I realised that the repeating riff actually comes with something new after a little while . And then something else new . So I totally put a new name on my list of ' bands to be explored ' , and maybe one day I might either comprehend or simply just hate this . We 'll see . The Mount Fuji Doomjazz Corporation was one of the day 's highlights in my program , as I liked the sound of their ' sister ' project , Kilimanjaro Darkjazz Ensemble . But TMFDC is based on live improvisation putting together elements of noise , jazz , experimental and ambiental music . I must admit that the live experience was not as cool as expected . It 's the kind of concert I 'd much rather enjoy in an opera hall or so , and I 'd prefer more ' action ' instead on the stage . The whole band is kinda static and they prefer to play ' in the dark ' and have you focusing on a projection on the background . They had small problems with one of the laptops , hence the show was a tad delayed , but they probably couldn 't cut it shorter as the movie would no longer make sense . By the time they ended , the energy felt kinda low all around , and luckily the night was revived by the Icelanders from Sólstafir and their boundaries breaking blend of metal , rock and a dark rock ' n ' roll like sound . Equiped with their stage ' suits ' reminding you of some wild west characters , performing mainly from their latest release , Ljós i Stormi , having to cut their set off by one song , the band offered the most energic gig I witnessed . I say this because I never saw the guitarist called ' Gringo ' moving from his spot , nor the singer doing so much changes in the way he interprets the songs . Another important change was during the song ' Fjara ' where the choir was replaced by a sweet pan flute played by Gadinet from Negura Bunget . I guess the late night atmosphere combined with the energy on stage was a perfect winner for the end of the DBE 's first evening and made me count quite plenty of Sólstafir tshirts in the audience , the day after . The night ended with an afterparty ' around the corner ' , still in the Ryma spaces but not in the area where the stage was located , where a bunch of people would headbang and jump and dance on the metal rhythms played by the evening 's DJ , using his vinyls ( as far as I read prior to the eMy friends and I called the second day of DBE a ' folk day ' , considering the names on the lineup . And it started as such , with the Italians from Rose Rovine e Amanti and their neofolk rock with a red rose attached to the hat . We actually thought several times that they sing in Romanian , this is how much the two languages sound alike ( unless he used a special Italian dialect in his lyrics ) . Musically , we were treated with a continuous change between electric and acoustic guitar for the main singer , keyboards , violin and a drummer who maintained the grooviness of their songs . I was happy that they seemed to set a good mood among the audience , setting the right state for the bands to come after them . The first one in the series was the Romanian - Italian mix going by the name Sunset in the 12th House , also invited for the second time at this festival , due an unfortunate cancellation of another band . But this was rather fortunate for me as the guys had the chance to perform live songs from their first album and what a thrill for the ear this was . With two percussionists on stage , one on regular drums , one on African like ones , hand held ( I can 't recall if they have a dedicated name ) , I was immediately sold to the grooviness of each tune . There were hardly any vocals used in the lyrics , leaving place for a sweet flow of guitars , bass and mandolin mix and an increased level of curiousity for the upcoming album . I recommend you don 't miss it . Plus , I was more than happy to see the great response from the Romanian crowd , who didn 't seem to have enough of the guy 's performance . A bunch of musicians filled the stage for the next concert and they are playing with the name Hexvessel and bring us a psychedelic forest folk rock as far as I was informed . But irregardless of the music categorisation , they bring us beautiful music . It was fantastic to stand in front of the stage and try to visually capture what each musician does and at the same time trying to figure out the overall sound entering your ears . It felt really pretty , like it did when I shortly listened to some tunes prior to the festival . I saw people dancing and clapping with enthusiasm between songs . It was the band 's second performance at the festival and I 'm pretty sure they had a great time both on stage and also among the Romanian audience . They kept smiling as long as I saw them on stage and , even if they couldn 't release their newest album at Alba Iulia , I was told they played some of the new compositions that , like the entire setlist , sounded fantastic . Fantastic ( and more than that ) is one of the words to describe the next performance on stage . I somehow missed the name Coulisses in the list and thought that the next performers are called Isobel & November . They started as a duo on stage , with one guy on keyboards and a bearded guitarist in front of the microphone . When he started to sing , I felt like hypnotised . It 's been a while since I heard such an awesome voice that simply leaves me with my mouth open and unable to move away from the stage . The duo played few more songs , quite intimate and dark , folkish sounds . The keyboard player switched to drums eventually , keeping a soft and surprising back rhythm for the lovely voice and the guitar . After a while , the guitar and its carrier left the stage , making room for a cool drum solo , after which the other people in the band came up on stage , taking over the bass , the drums ( the previous drummer went back to his keyboards and / or guitar ) . The singer also came back and all of a sudden the music switched to a bit more psyched ( apparently country and goth ) music . ExtreI don 't even recall when I was done with the eating process , but pretty soon it was time for the Russians in Theodor Bastard . I had listened to their ethno trip hop before and I found it rather beautiful and full of emotions . The live experience raised the beauty to even higher standards . The darkness had surrounded the stage so their pretty singer was interpreting and gracefully dancing under various colors dictated by the stage lights . Her voice was simply beautiful from one end to another and they even got to play an extra song , that 's how much the crowd and Doru , the organiser , loved it . Once again I saw a bunch of people dancing in front of the stage or along the walls and benches . There were such good vibes in the air going from and to the stage that I somehow wished that concert would end the evening and would last for few more hours . Yet , it had to stop and the Russians had to leave the stage to make room for the Poles in Job Karma . A duo presenting their ambiental computer music ( as all I noticed on stage were two laptops and a bunch of cables ) with a heavy accent on visual images projected in the background . With all my respect for the artists ' work and ideas , I was too tired at that hour to watch anything on a screen and I simply can 't spend more than 3 minutes looking at people playing music behind the computers . Hence I took a small retreat in the ' party ' area of Ryma ( quiet at that time ) and enjoyed the silence and an encounter with some familiar faces . I returned later to the main stage to have a look at the Danes from Of the Want and the Moon and check out the sound of their neo folk tunes which felt quite shamanistic at times . It seemed like there 's plenty of beautiful , almost magic , music coming out from the speakers but my level of tiredness didn 't allow to focus for too long , so I just had to put them on my ' to listen to ' list . I sort of regret not being able to enjoy their music live , but after so many lovely moments during that day , I guess I was allowed . I do hope to seePS : Many thanks to Andrei who helped me with some pieces of advice about what I wrote in the review Tags : bran , romania , rucar , stories , travel You know you have landed in Romania few seconds after the wheels of the plane have touched the ground . Perhaps Romanian mobile phones are so advanced that they automatically turn on at that moment , so that even before the plane has finished breaking , you hear the sounds made by phones turning on . And even more surprising is the fact that by the time the airplane has reached the gate , there are at least 3 - 4 conversations on the phone going on . Busy people . I landed at the end of August , apparently after a period of extreme heat . And two steps outside the airport I felt like I 'd happily crawl somewhere under ground . But with a bit of luck , the coming week was a bit windy and without extreme highs . First night was quite difficult though , both due heating and due the noise on the street . Bucharest is a noise polluted city , if that term exists . Dogs are barking , cars engine are supposed to be heard at the max , not to mention motorcycles . Plus , I live across the street from a hospital and it feels like there 's at least an ambulance per hour leaving with the siren on . Drunk people or some who are just mad and decide to scream and have a verbal fight at 2AM are hardly worth mentioning . I type this while flying back from Bucharest , in a KLM flight to Amsterdam . And we 're being served a small pack with two tiny sandwiches . One of them having cheese in a bread with raisins . Altogether it ends up tasting like salty raisins . Beah . Back to Romania . I grew up and lived there for many many years . Yet , now coming back like twice a year , the things that were part of my daily life are somehow seen through some different filters . For example stray dogs . I love dogs . I always stop and talk to them or pet them if they seem friendly enough . But now I really notice each and everyone of them and wonder what system they use for sterilisation since they simply seem more and more . Living there , you don 't notice their amount . My mum didn 't even know there were at least 3 of them around the block where we live . A nice surprise was the visit at the local zoo . I recall that I saw this zoo back in ancient times and I have memories of a camel and some of the felines who hardly had any fur or meat on their bones . Not to mention the smell . But now the animals looked really good . Shiny hair , well fed , etc . A bit too well , considering that most of them were having a nap in a funny position and out of the 5 or so beautiful ' kitties ' , only one was bothering to move around . All the others seemed sedated ( which I heard might be the case ) , including the bears and for a while , the lion and his lioness . The rackoons were the main attraction and all in all , it was a nice Sunday afternoon and no longer a depressive experience . Bins everywhere , wide spaces for animals , pretty clean on the alleys , hardly any idiot trying to feed them . There was indeed one guy with the bored neuron syndrome who kept knocking on the fence of a cage where the animal was asleep between some branches and couldn 't be seen . Disturbing was also the fact that they needed so many guards , almost one for each alley . It must mean that either there are way too many idiots visiting the zoo overall and they really need ' trained ' guards to tell them not the put the fingers through the cages ( for God 's sake , let them do that please . Help them with the other hand as well ) or the zoo has too much money to spend . Whatever , I 'm happy overall with it . Speaking of guards , I was also surprised to see so many of them in the subway . Felt like one per wagon . They just stand there all day long and … look at people I guess ? As far as I heard , if the louder the incided might be in the train , the harder it gets to spot one of these many guards . But I actually saw them in action when one big dude caught a teenager and was holding his arm behind his back and pushed him into a certain direction . Ah , how cool , someone farted in the airplane . They should have oxygen masks for such occasions too . Another nice surprise was the record time ( under 3 hours ) required to change my drivers license . You go there with all required papers , they take a photo and tell you to come back in 3 hours . I did it in 2 . 5 and it was ok . The only problem is actually getting there . There is a new building dedicated to the police issues related to auto stuff and it 's in the middle of nothing and some buildings . They are working on building stuff where the nothing currently lies , but this involves either a lack of sidewalks or a sidewalk full of cables and dirt . So the 500 meters you had to walk were a challenge to keep your balance , walk / jump like a ballerina and avoid being soaked by the passing cars and buses . One of the days I went with my mum to visit her father , my grandpa , at the countryside somewhere in the South and then we drove up to the mountains to visit my aunt . I 've never been on this Rucar - Bran route and it is indeed , beautiful . Lovely landscapes with the valleys between the hills and the beginning of the Carpathians , I also saw a bit of the Bran castle ( Dracula 's headquarters , pictured before ) and the Rasnov fortress ( due lack of history knowledge , I have no idea what it is famous for ) . I drove all the 500 + km and was really desperate we should leave early in the morning to avoid the early traffic jams in Bucharest . From this point of view , it all went ok . But if you consider other points , such as the quality of the road after you exit the highway and the road gets so wavy that you 'd probably end up with a nice shake at the end of the trip if you happened to carry a bottle of milk with you . On the way back it got dark and for a good hour and 30 mins or so I drove on a road with no side lights and hardly any lines on asphalt . I am still thankful to the red arrows placed in the crazy hair pins on the way , but it 's quite creepy to drive and not to know where the road ends . But before getting on the bad road , we stopped for some shopping at a big supermarket . I had just purchased a big bag for my camera and The pic here shows how people in the countryside in the region where my grandparents live like to decorate their walls . One evening I was supposed to meet some friends . They couldn 't make it since he had a motorbike accident as in his bike slipped on the wet tram line . And she was telling me on the chat that he was due to get a fine from the police for self injury ( ! ) . Then she also told me a story of some friends who passed away after hitting a … whatever you call those round covers on the streets while they were driving a motorbike . But he has an opened lawsuit for murdering himself . After this story I told her that we have to stop talking for that day since that was enough for that time . That evening was doomed to be full of somehow unbelievable stories though . This last image is the orchard from m grandparents . I spent so many moments of my childhood playing or working there . Now it looks so ruined . .
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In my last post I introduced the concept of my new collective to you . As I confessed , I am spending time preparing and looking for as much help as possible in order to give this a real chance of long - term success . Richard Branson is a name we all know . Branson started his first business ( a music magazine ) at the age of sixteen . Now , of course , he is the famous entrepreneur who founded the Virgin Group . He has been through it all in business - the struggles , the trial and error , the highs and the lows - everything that has contributed to reaching the stage he is at now . With a wealth of business knowledge , Branson runs a competition called # pitchtorich which offers growing and new businesses the chance to win funding and guidance . I had to put the Tribute Collective forward …… . The Tribute Collective is inspired by the readers of the 60 Postcards project - a project where handwritten postcards in memory of a much - loved mum were scattered around Paris for people to find . The journey was documented in a blog and a book , and hundreds of people have been in touch - sharing stories and expressing an interest in becoming part of it . Every message received sparks the passion and drive to form a collective . Last weekend my Dad ( along with five great friends ) took on the brave and inspiring task of cycling 202 miles from London to Paris for Cancer Research UK , in memory of my wonderful Mum . I knew the journey would be full of stories . Who better to tell the tale of the Tower to Tower Cycle than my Dad himself . Paul - it 's over to you ………… . And so , the moment had arrived . On Wednesday evening , Watto picked up the minibus with his wife Jan ( who kindly agreed to be the driver ) and loaded the bikes . We attended the Rising Sun garden for final arrangements and necessary hydration . Finally we made it to Greenwich tunnel and while riding we all had to dodge and swerve to avoid something rather unpleasant on the ground . But , we then emerged the other side to see the splendid Cutty Sark . It was large , bold and striking - steeped in history . It was funny how Gemma missed it . She said it was because she was so focused , but somehow she had definitely not missed what was on the ground on the way through ! It soon became evident that the military style organisational skills of Nation and Watto were manifesting themselves . So many plans , so few conversations . So many ferries , trains and cabins booked which were cancelled then re - booked ! I can see it now - ' Watto and Nation Communication Company extraordinaires ! ' We crossed over the M25 and felt we were heading south . Not before , however , Gemma had the first puncture very swiftly reported by Watto . Then we really started spinning ; Adam in his Yellow Jersey , Tom totally relaxed ( covering ground effortlessly ) , Paul going for ' Downhill Nutter of the Year ' . Watto was getting his calves pumped and Gemma was gliding . Oh yes , and then me ! To try to speed me up they had leant me Watto 's son Paul 's road bike . That was great - I appreciated that a lot . But , we didn 't quite manage to sort out the pedals in time . Road bike - yes . Pedals - not so much ! We got stuck in and racked up some miles in very hot weather and arrived at a pub for a pit stop . We promptly ordered thirteen pints of lime and soda . Well , they were gone in a very short space of time . I gave the Irish Bar man a postcard before we left . A strange thing happened after lunch as we came to Lower Addlington . It was fine going down into it but coming out , oh my goodness . This was when we encountered ' Beat Box Tractor Man ' ( BBTM ) which was a chav on a huge chunk of a bike with a beat box on board , who over took all of us on the way down . Watto , ready to take him on the ascent , was amazed as BBTM pulled away from him . At the top he was not even out of breath but wanted to join us on our trip to France . I only heard about this . I didn 't meet the guy as I was pushing my bike up the hill at the time . The only consolation for me was that I was catching Watto up ( even though he 'd managed to stay on his ) . We made it to the top and , back as a group , we were ready to go again . The next hours were tough as we made our way to Newhaven and it became apparent at this point that we were falling behind schedule . When we did arrive in Newhaven , Watto and Jan had to head off to Calais to go over in the minibus . We had a ' Brewers Fayre ' beer and bite after changing at the Supermarket . We were finally on the boat . We had two cabins which we wanted to split fairly . Well , I ended up in one to myself and Paul , Tom , Gemma and Adam were in the other . ( Paul has roomed with me before . He knows of my snoring ! ) When we disembarked at Dieppe there was sight of the minibus but poor Jan and Tony had not slept at all . They 'd had to catch a later ferry than planned . Things go wrong but you have to get on with it ( Assembly # 1 for next term ! ) . And they were great - no moaning at all . We were hit with a new sensation of cold damp mist in the air at 04 : 00am the next morning and off we rode down the impressive Avenue Verte . All six of us were spinning freely . We caught site of another cyclist and there was excitement in the air - on the horizon was a large man on a bike in a Heinz Baked Bean t - shirt ! Middle aged , perhaps older than us - what the hell , we were going to take him ! At breakfast , after seeing him a couple of times , we gave him a postcard and he had kindly handed us a tenner for sponsorship . We later arrived at our destination town ( can never remember the name of it ) and had lunch and beer . We booked into our quirky hotel and all had a sleep before re - convening on the hotel patio for a pizza and a few bottles of Leffe ( Watto loved those ! ) . We met a man called Eric who was cycling from the middle of England to the middle of France . We handed him a postcard , naturally ! The next morning it was off to Paris . It was a long cycle . We met Irish Paddy and Aussie Bruce who were very sociable and joined us for some cycling . We stopped in a town and Jan and Tony met a religious man who was travelling from the Czech Republic to Ireland just with a fold away bike and all of his belongings . We continued on with a few breaks along the way and eventually shared a meal with the whole group . And so , to the final day . Watto looked the business initially until he put his flip - flops on his back and then he looked like he was going to take off ! Paul had planned a route which kept us fairly clear of Paris traffic . The moment when the Eiffel Tower came into view was a significant one for us all . As we were cycling in , Watto and Tom ended up joining a Pelaton around the City of Love and we lost them for a while . But we all came together at the infamous Eiffel Tower . We were delighted that we made it ! After a meal nearby we caught a spot to watch the cyclists in the Tour de France , showing us how it was done . What an incredible weekend ! I spoke to Dad about the postcards on the phone the other day . It really took me back to when I was waiting for my first response . I could hear myself through his words , ' We haven 't heard from anyone yet , have we ? That would really make it - getting a response to a postcard ' . I explained that I 'd had the same fears , that you have to trust that people will get in touch in their own time . Approximately 30 minutes after that call , I received an email . Two email responses now in plus an anonymous postcard finder donation ! MAGIC ! Look out for more about those on the 60 Postcards Facebook Page . 60 Postcards : Create . Share . Inspire . Bringing you news once a week on the ongoing 60 Postcards journey ( you can read a summary of the story here ) , and on Friday I share a story of an inspirational person , project or cause . As I said in my post , 25 Things That Any Writer Will Understand , writing is not an easy task and a big factor in determining whether you are able to get in the zone , is the environment you work in . I have touched on this before . I think I even said that I enjoyed having buzz and a bit of noise around me . But there is a fine line between ' buzz and a bit of noise ' and hearing every single thing the people next to you are saying or trying to focus when there is music blasting out . Caravan Based in Granary Square , this delightful establishment is situated in what was once an old grain store . Many hours of writing have taken place here by myself where I sit to work at the large wooden table at the back enjoying the aromas of the freshly roasted coffee . Students from Central St Martins drop in and out and I enjoy the atmosphere in there . There are always smiles on that shared table , often as we take it in turns to use the socket to charge our laptops . The menu is a wonder , also . The Rotunda cafe in Kings Place backs onto Regents canal and is the perfect spot on a sunny day . The only problemo of some writing time here is that you can 't get wi - fi . But then perhaps that is sometimes a good thing ? I think that is something I should do a lot more - turn the phone off and give my Facebook and Twitter scrolling a rest for a while . Because there is so much going on in the way of arts and music here , it is sometimes best to go for a morning coffee to miss the crowds . Euphorium Bakery I thought this bakery / cafe was small until I stepped into it for the first time . Loads of space , plenty of tables and there is even a room right at the bottom with some comfy sofas for a chill . The staff are super friendly and you don 't feel bad for settling in there for a few hours . Coffees are large and delicious and I always make sure I have a few to make up for the free use of the wi - fi . Tricky to avoid the temptation of the danish , though . Coffee Works Project This is a gem of a cafe on the Camden Passage in Angel . It 's trés trendy with school chairs , tables and benches galore for you to work on . Every time I have been I have seen a mixture of people hanging out , doing laptop work or studying away , and it feels immediately comfortable to get cracking ( sometimes I find you have to get a feel for a place first before the Mac makes an appearance ) . The garden out the back is my favourite bit - you seem a million miles from the hustle of the London crowds . Oh and the coffee here is top - notch . Yum . Tent Saving the best until last here . This is my first mention of Tent on my blog ( not to many of my friends who have heard A LOT about it ! ) but I have been going there for a little while now thanks to the lovely Leanne . Leanne and I became friends through Beccy ( Paris crew member who I used to live with ) and after a chat we had about my struggle to find a routine she invited me along to this creative workspace . She knew I would love it . I walked in and within one minute , I loved it . Tent is a collaborative co - working space that is used by a whole load of creative folk - film makers , comedians , writers , illustrators , start - ups to name just a few . Although it is within an office building the decor is quirky and cool - more warehouse than office , for sure . Monthly donations to work there go to the running costs and also to charities and local projects . The best thing about this place is the real sense of community . Super friendly people all wanting to help each other out . It has a wonderfully chilled vibe and I have felt more productive here than anywhere else I have ever worked . To give you an idea of the kind natured gang , just over the weekend many Tent members came together to help Leanne ( who is a writer , actor and comedian ) to film a new showreel . Ralph and Claire ( who have been wonderfully welcoming since my first ever visit ) directed the filming and others helped by offering to act , run - you name it , the whole production was created through a collaboration of kindness . I can 't wait to see the end result . I am so glad that I have a great space to get thinking and writing . Oh and planning . I 've booked my next adventure . I feel I have a lot of unfinished business with New York City . Let the plotting and planning commence . ( Excitable . ) 60 Postcards : Create . Share . Inspire . Bringing you news every Tuesday on the ongoing 60 Postcards journey ( you can read a summary of the story here ) , and on Friday I share a story of an inspirational person , project or cause . If you are anything like me though , you will have given several different answers to the question , ' what do you want to do ? ' over the years . When I was younger I would flit between interior design , teaching , starting my own business ( of what , I never knew ) , TV presenting , writing , managing ( what or who ? Never knew that either ) . I imagine that many people reading this post have felt trapped in a job before , or perhaps do now . It is a very topical subject amongst my friends at the moment , for sure . We have sat down over a drink and spent hours talking about what we really want to do . But in this economic climate the fear of jumping ship - to make a move or change industry completely - can be utterly terrifying . Those discussions will almost always centre around ' security ' . We need to pay the rent and the bills , right ? And we are so busy in our current roles that we find it impossible to believe we can ever escape . Escape the City ( ESC ) is a platform for young professionals who want to move away from the corporate world but are unsure how to go about it . It is a global community and an extremely powerful movement . I have heard about them for a while and the more I read about it , the more I understand why it is so successful . Dom and Rob ( closely followed by friend , Mikey ) , were three guys working in the city feeling unfulfilled in their jobs . They felt ' that ' fear of making a change and searched for help and inspiration , but there was nothing out there . Identifying a clear gap in the market , the guys decided that they would create the very service that they were hoping to find themselves . Escape the City was born . We see ourselves as a discovery engine . There are masses of people , opportunities and resources out there that you should know about but don 't . Our job is to meaningfully connect you with the information that will help you figure out what you want to do with your life . " As you may know already , my personal 60 Postcards journey has encouraged me to change my career . I was working in the corporate world for an energy company until last year and although I worked hard and adored my colleagues , I did feel that something was missing . My heart was telling me that I should be doing something creative . I took a sabbatical from work to write the book and by the end of it I decided not to return - a decision that was driven by my family 's experience of life being too short and a new - found passion for doing what makes me happy . The leap was a scary one but I knew that it had to be done . 60 Postcards : Create . Share . Inspire . Bringing you news every Tuesday on the ongoing 60 Postcards journey ( you can read a summary of the story here ) , and on Friday I share a story of an inspirational person , project or cause . My hero , Mr Paul Chadwick ( Dad ) , has got a team together for a fundraising challenge with a twist . Dad along with Paul , Tony , Tom , Gemma and Adam are taking on the mammoth task of cycling all of the way from London to Paris - Tower Bridge to the Eiffel Tower ! The Team will take four days to make their way over there and are hoping to raise as much money as they can for Cancer Research UK . They have been training very hard and the date for the ride is fast approaching . They set off from the Tower of London on the Thursday 24th July and head to Newhaven and catch the ferry to Dieppe . Then they follow the Avenue Verte to the Eiffel Tower in Paris , completely their mission on Sunday 27th July . Now cycling fans will recognise that date - it has been chosen for a very special reason . The final stage of the Tour de France is also on that Sunday ! The 60 Postcards Tower 2 Tower Cycle team will be finishing when the City of Love is buzzing with more bicycles than ever . I was able to interview the gang when I was last at home in Dorset and so I have created a video . It took me a very long time to put this together ( mainly because I was laughing my head off at Dad ) ! Please take a look and share if you can ! Ho , ho , ho ! Who ate all the mince pies ? Erm … . Seriously , will someone please hide all of the food in my sight . Every single year we dread returning from Christmas being the size of a house . Yes , I said ' we ' - I am dragging you down with me , ha . ' I 'm going to get fit in January ' . I 've said that before . ' I think I will aim to lose about three stone in January . ' I 've said that before . ' I am going to do all of the things that I have said I would do for the last five years , but have never done . ' Or maybe I will just see how it goes ? … . . So when we last spoke ( sorry - when I last rambled to you ) , I was about to tackle the challenge of the first edit of the book . It went well . Looking it at with fresh eyes helped immensely and also made me laugh . Where was I going with that paragraph ? ! We had a Christmas jumper soiree at our house in N1 , when I took an evening off . In a last - minute panic , without a garish jumper suitable , I decided to put my Blue Peter skills to the test . I became a walking health and safety hazard as I threaded battery - powered fairy lights through a red jumper of mine . Don 't try this at home , kids . I really thought that I would be under dressed . That was until I found that the lights had settings . As the music picked up the pace , so did the speed of the flashing lights on me . I was a Christmas tree - a bit of a laughing - stock , admittedly - but confident that if Blue Peter does need a new presenter and is willing to look the other way over fire safety regulations - I 'm in . When I handed that first edit in last week , knowing that my friend , Clare and husband , Tony , were over from Brunei and hanging in an apartment in Chamonix - I jumped on a plane to see them for a couple of days . ( Who the hell do I think I am ? I need to win the Euromillions - pronto . ) I had been wrapped up in the book ( rather than presents ) - it was my first real taste of Christmas joy . I loved being in the snow , catching up with friends , drinking wine and sampling some fondu ( yeh - I staAnd there we left our note for the next person that will visit that booth for their shots : ' Smile 🙂 You look amazing , Merry Christmas ! # smilebomb ' As I am writing this , it has dawned on me that you aren 't actually allowed to smile in passport photos . Screw it , hopefully they will smile anyway . But the thing that hit home most about this , is that the help came full circle - the TFHG had helped us . This is a sad time of year with Mum gone - but having the mission of leaving a note for a stranger , created a beautiful moment for my sister and I . Not only that , but my Dad has already told half of Wimborne about TFHG since I have explained what he is all about . Ever since I heard from TFHG , I have been reminded of Project Inspire which I started just before I embarked on my NYC adventure in April where I asked you to send a photo of yourself holding a postcard and to tell me what - whether it be an individual , group or project - inspires you . I still have some to post and please make sure to keep emailing them to me . Oh and smilebomb away - just send a photo of it to TFHG on Facebook or Twitter and don 't forget to include the hashtag . # Everyonelovesagoodhashtag I thought that Christmas eve was the perfect spot to share The Free Help Guy to you . This enigma of a man - returning answers , solving problems and helping others who need it - is someone whose journey I hope to follow for a very long time . What a legend . I am wishing you all a very Merry Christmas . And to those who have lost , I will be thinking of you . So much love , Rachael xxx Share this : FacebookTwitterTumblrPinterestEmailLike this : Like Loading . . . 1 Comment Milestone 2 - Ah the celebration of the year of my birth . It was a considerably large one , due to the fact that I hit somewhere in between twenty - one and forty years of age . ( This is where you say , " No way - she can 't be . " Hey - crows feet and grey hair , or stress highlights as I like to call them , are all the rage . ) I had a shaky start , which is a given for all future Birthdays ( any milestones , really ) - knowing that there is a certain someone not here to share it with me . ( Where is the card with the handwriting I know so well ? Extremely sad face ) . I went down to the kitchen to be welcomed by a breakfast and coffee from housemate Beccy , who was baking me a cake - what an absolute star . I hadn 't had time , at this point , to sort out my outfit ( classic me ) , and I made a dash to Angel to pick up the dress from Reiss that I had been eyeing up for the past week or so . I bought it ( ignoring the money flying out of my bank account ) , ran ( walked slowly ) home , packed my overnight bag and headed straight for the Grange Holborn Hotel . I was so happy to be greeted by my Dad , two sisters and my brother in - law . I 've missed those guys like crazy , even though it had only been a matter of weeks since I last saw their faces . We shared a bottle of champers ( whilst putting on some Made in Chelsea - esque accents ) , checked into our hotel rooms and chilled until my party in the Skybar on the roof . I had a few drinks , laughed and joked with my favourite people and , of course , it wouldn 't have been right without a postcard task involved . I asked people to write either words or a story that only I would understand and I have been giggling away at the messages - a collection of memories I can keep for life . I have written all over the place ( mainly Parisian and Laandan coffee shops ) , but for my last few days before I sent through the work - in a last - minute urge to escape the distractions of the City - I headed to my Godmother 's in Tunstall , Stoke - on - Trent . There , I was able stay in their cute and cosy caravan ( which became known as the ' Tunstall Tardis ' ) to write in my own little bubble . It was just what I needed . Aunty Tink ( who is not my Aunty and was not Christened Tink ! ) and her family were just incredible . Tink is one of my Mum 's best friends and her gang have been such a wonderful support to me . Two of her children , Michael and Morwenna , were there and helped out by bringing me regular teas and supplies to keep me going . What a bloody kind family - they are certainly family to me and I love that I will always remember that time with them , during this challenge of publishing a book . The funniest moment , which I am reminded of every time my ankle twinges , was when I hadn 't realised just how awkwardly I had been sat whilst working one quiet evening . I got up , noticed that my right leg was in fact dead , stacked it and then smacked my head on the wardrobe . Still chuckling about that one . Oh lord - I 'm not even kidding . ( Thank goodness I have long arms . ) I wonder if I should contact the Guinness Book of World Records ? Because I am certain no one has been stupid enough to do that on the cover of their book - apart from me . Please can this be our little secret - thanks . It was my first day yesterday and I am easing myself into it - I kept to my local Kings Cross hood . Caroline ( who has recently embarked on her new life as an actor ) , joined me for some coffee and lunch - a good old catch up we had , amongst times of silence - learning lines for her , writing for me . A perfect day . I have decided that whilst I am off - I am also going to be an unofficial PR rep for Kings Cross , ha . Seriously - you need to visit if you haven 't for a while . Granary Square is a gorgeous open space with spectacular fountains ( lit up at night in a choreographed routine ) - which is home to Central St Martins Art College and two of my favourite restaurant / bars , Caravan and Grain Store . Daisy Lowe , English fashion model , sat down behind us at lunch in her perfect lace dress . I looked down at my outfit and felt immediately annoyed that I hadn 't put on something a little more smart . Or quirky . I suppose it was at least an improvement on last week where I managed to get to work and be sat at my desk for half an hour before I was told that I had my top on inside out . Along with Daisy , a number of lip - stick wearing , long - legged , uber - cool beauties rushed into the restaurant for a bite . It didn 't take us long to realise that Fashion Week was hitting our lunch . Perhaps I should have gone for the salad option after all ? Nah . Outside in the square we saw a flurry of photographers papping away at fashonistas . Fashonistas that I probably should have recognised . Friend Inaki was on call to inspect my photo and has informed me that the fella in the photo montage below ( the two photos on the right ) is Justin O ' Shea - the Style and Buying Director of MyTheresa . com . A little reminder that I need to get up to speed on these things . It was time to move on and I knew the perfect place ( introduced to me by a new friend ) . The Booking Office Bar in the Renaissance Hotel is the perfect spot for a coffee or a cocktail . I find myself gazing out of the window there as it looks over onto the platform where people return from their Paris trips . I gaze for a little too long when I see people reunited . It 's fascinating ! ( Creep alert ) . But I think this may just be a perfect place for me to write . Now , you know I love a good story from abroad . Phil is a friend from school , who I keep in touch with on Facebook to hear about his utterly amazing job ( and I bore him with my 60 Postcards chat , of course ) . Given that musicals have become a theme , Phil is the perfect person to get involved as he is part of the touring cast of Stomp . They have just been at the Theatre Royal , Australia , and Phil sent the following shots of him with a postcard in front of the Sydney Opera House and the cast on stage . A couple of nights ago I went to see the new Richard Curtis film - About Time . Prepare to laugh , prepare to cry and prepare for it to make you think . It devastated me in some ways and absolutely enlightened me in others . I don 't want to give too much away but if you get a chance , I recommend that you take a look . If only we could all time travel … . It 's good to be back - I will be blogging later in the week from Dorset . It is time to visit the family . I cannot wait . Francesca - that is so lovely . Thank you very much . 60 Postcards project is definitely going very well - I can 't wait to see where it takes me next : ) . I am glad that I am doing it too ! Love , Rach x It 's me - I 'm back . Further apologies for my new - found sporadic posting style . I don 't think I even pre - warned you about this one - SURPRISE ! ! Last weekend was a cracker . The main event was my housemate Beccy 's beautiful birthday brunch . We hit the Grain Store in Granary Square , Kings Cross . Yummy food , super staff and extremely naughty cocktails . I was introduced to the ' Twinkle ' ( not so little star FYI ) . Those naughty cocktails gave the illusion that it was slightly later in the day than it was - sneaky . Beccy 's fab family ( Sue - Mum , Tony - Dad , Andrew - Bro ) , who have become an amazing support to me , were the secret guests . Beccy is one of my best friends who makes my house in London a real home . It was just such a happy moment to see all of her nearest and dearest there to celebrate her . Just when I thought it couldn 't possibly get more fun , yet another man on a piano steps up . His name was Nick . Now , he may be playing Sunday early arvo tunes but Becs requested something a little different . " Do you play any Beyoncé ? " she asked . The best he could do was Independent Women ( a Destiny 's Child classic ) and the best it was . ( See video on Facebook page . ) He sang along - an unexpected and welcome occurrence . It was an absolute highlight of the day by far . And what I am most grateful for is that dancing to Destiny 's Child in a public place in broad daylight is no surprise to us . Life is just so darn short - why the hell not . From one musical moment to another , I will remind you of my post about postcard finder Rita . She works behind the scenes at a Broadway show and shared an incredible story about her Grandmother . I had a fantastic response to that blog post - a finder who was also suffering a loss and sharing their story . It was so special . This is Christina from New York City . Your postcard found its way backstage at Spider - Man : Turn Off the Dark and into my dressing room here at the Foxwoods Theatre in Times Square ! I wonder where it will end up next … . " Christina is a Broadway Star . A REAL LIFE Broadway star . A leading lady of the musical ! As I visited her site , I realised that her last show was Evita - playing along side Ricky Martin . ' Un dos tres ' - It brings back such memories of my school discos . He was a legend , wasn 't he ? Given that I have talked so much about my passion for dance and the theatre , this yet again cements the fact that this story has naturally fallen upon a theme . From Stephanie ( ballet dancer ) finding a postcard whilst visiting her friend in West Side Story in Paris and now to people working and performing in a Broadway Show in NYC - I know that my Mum would absolutely love this . It would make her happy . It makes me so so happy . The 60 Postcards Project and the amazing responses mean that my poor work girls have been subjected to a lot of postcard chat . But it has been such a lovely thing to gather around and discuss . It 's not just chat , my work team also give me all sorts of advice . They pick me up when I am down , they share thoughts and most of all - they get excited with me . I hope they know how much I adore them . It doesn 't take me long to know what inspires me , but given the whole reason behind your project I can 't help but feel it 's a bit of a cliché ! Either way it 's the truth - my mum is my inspiration . I have never met anybody as strong as her and just hope that I can grow to be half the person she is ! I 've watched my mum go through a brain tumour and a heart attack and lucky enough to still have her here to tell the tale . What 's more is my mum didn 't just " survive " these events , she was simply incredible throughout them - I never saw her have a down day , an angry day or a sad day . She was always upbeat and I often saw her caring for others - making sure they were ok " under the circumstances " . I don 't think I will ever fully understand how she managed it ; but the number of people who stopped me in the street to ask how she was or came by the house are a testament to her personality ! You may remember my post about the Sardinian wedding . Veronica is my next - door desk neighbour and gets the brunt of my 60 Postcard ramblings . Boy - does she deliver the goods . My sound board , my shoulder to cry on and she has ideas a - plenty . Hey Connor ! Yes , I didn 't want to keep my thoughts bottled up , which is why I started this blog . I was a bit scared but now I have heard from so many people who have related to it - I think it was worth it . I hope the new term at school goes well ! Rachael : ) . Saturday morning was a great one . Off I went to Gatwick , no hand luggage in sight . I was delighted to enjoy a drama - free tube journey too ! Luckily it was early morning travel time and as I sat in my quiet carriage , I began my Blue Peter style ' Welcome Home Dad ' sign . ( Still awaiting Blue Peter badge ) . On Dad 's return from his trip to Canada ( with Mum 's brothers ) , he assumed only Sarah would be there to pick him up . Hannah and I had come along too . SURRRRPPPRIIIISSSSE ! Not yet - we couldn 't even see exactly when his flight was coming in . A text from our Uncle Geoff then threw us even more ( see video on my Facebook page ! ) . We had many a minute wondering if we were actually at the right airport ! Heathrow ? Is this a joke ? Thankfully Gatwick it was and we welcomed home a jet - lagged , slightly bemused and a very - excited - to - see - us Dad . It was a lovely moment . After the greeting we caught up over coffee and before long the gang were parting - they all headed back to Dorset as I skipped back to London Town . On the Bank Holiday Monday I met my cousin and her daughter for a spot of lunch before they set off to Paris . Nicola was taking Amber on a girly trip for her 18th Birthday present . Before , during and after lunch with the ladies , I was bombarded with a large volume of pictures on a Whatsapp group named , ' Funny photos . ' Oh , here we go . Sarah sis had come across some childhood photographs and they were more than a little bit amusing . I have done a little montage below of some that I have found . They make me so happy . My particular fave is the one of myself donning Dad 's balaclava . What the …… ! Back then folk wore them for cycling but perhaps I have always misunderstood ? Cycling is when you borrow stuff from strangers houses without them knowing right ? It made me realise that , especially with my bad memory , I am so glad that we can record the good times - the old times . Going through all of the photographs when Mum died was an extremely difficult task but one that really made me so grateful for my upbringing . Apart from a rare few where I have a face like thunder ( this was probably due to the time of the morning that the photo was taken ) , I noticed that they were all full of grins and fun times . There has been a noticeable change to the amount of snaps I take since Mum passed away . I don 't want to miss a moment . I am almost certain some of my friends on good old Facebook will think that I put far too many albums up . Well I don 't think so . Unfortunately I realise that later on in my world , I have little of Mum and I together . I wish I 'd taken so many more , but how was I supposed to know what would happen ? ! We have some great family shots though . I think this example below gives you a real insight into how serious we are as a family : Moving from photos to videos again - we are now back to the Monday arvo and meeting Nic and Amber before their Parisian trip ahead . ( I can 't lie - I was SO jealous . ) We were off through the station when we passed the piano . The piano that sits patiently and awaits a stranger to come and play it . I absolutely love wandering past and seeing a different musical maestro playing for St . Pancras station passers - by each time . The person I heard on Monday made me stop for longer than I ever have . He was not just passionately playing the piano - he was beat - boxing on top of it . I was completely in awe and recorded a video ( on my Facebook page again ) . I dropped the girls off at The Eurostar departure point and went back so that I could find out who he was - I had to . We only chatted for 30 seconds as I didn 't want to interrupt his flow . ' Modern Day Jester ' is the name that he goes by and we have since been in touch about him being on here . I think he is even going to take part in Project Inspire which would be great because he really did inspire me . So there we have it - the importance of capturing moments by camera and video . Lucky that with our world of smart phones , it is just so easy to do . I can 't do anything about not taking enough in the past but I can definitely make sure I don 't miss a trick in the future . Hi there Ethan ! I am chuffed you think that I have a trait of my Mother . I would absolutely love to be like her . It is exciting to hear that you would like to become an author and that you are so keen to develop skills . Go for it ! Thank you , Rachael 🙂 Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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Hmmm . . . another mommy blog . I mother two wildly adorable children - one is a train - loving 5 year old , the other is a wee 4 months . I quit a secure job to work for myself last winter - who said not to make major life decisions when you 're pregnant ? ! - and so far I haven 't driven my family into the poor house . Fortunately , my life partner is a sarcastic , cynical man ( SRH ) who keeps me laughing through it all . I 'm sleep - deprived , hungry , and knee - deep in preschool madness , but it all seems to be working out okay . Well , we are all headed to Chicago . Zane 's breathing seems okay , and we 're just gonna go for it . See you next weekend ! Okay , quick post today as I 'm feeling a little frantic and overwhelmed because we 're leaving for Chicago tomorrow , and I am WAY under prepared . Somehow this trip just snuck up on me . Okay , it isn 't a " somehow " . I have been dreading this trip so I simply put it from my mind , is the more accurate explanation . I 'm going to Chicago for a 5 - day conference for work . Five days ! Five days ! I don 't think I could be interested in workshops about food , money , and sex for five days - and none of these topics will be covered at the conference . Anyway , SRH and Zane are planning to accompany me , and they 'll take in all the sights of the city while I 'm sitting in workshops . As I 'm sure I 've alluded to in past posts , making a trip with a kid who has life - threatening food allergies and severe asthma is not an easy task . In fact , we just tend to avoid taking trips , but this particular one could not be avoided . I have been so busy planning " worst case scenario " lists for food and medicines that I happened to miss that we 're almost out of two of Zane 's maintenance medications . Good grief ! There is no way to get them in time , so we 'll be skipping a few doses on the trip . Not many , but a few . I 'd like to say , in my defense , that I have been fighting off a bug since the end of the week , and it 's winning . I am full - on sick today , so my thinking hasn 't been quite so clear . ( See here for SRH 's Licensed to Ill account of his battle with the bug ) . Adding to the madness , Zane woke up coughing from his nap today - an ominous asthma sign in our house , and I 'm now forced to consider the following two abysmal options : Go ahead with our plan of taking Z to Chicago - we 've located the Children 's Hospital there and have plenty of " rescue " medications - and hope that things don 't progress . Leave SRH and Z home while I go to Chicago - with the idea that I wouldn 't stay for the whole five days . As you might imagine , both of these options sound pretty crappy to me , but I 'm trying to just wZany Mama One of my friends was told by her family that she was " inflicting " her values onto her children by raising them as vegetarian . Which brings up an interesting question : Isn 't all parenting really just about inflicting your values onto your children ? I mean , isn 't that the fun part ? You get to tell little people what 's right and wrong and pray to god that they follow a little bit of what you said when you 're not around . Or pray to god that they follow a little bit of what you said without your standing there asking them to do it 18 million times . Or pray to god that they follow a little bit of what you said without your having to resort to begging and tears . It seems to me that parenting is all about creating human beings who will make the world a better place - and that 's all about inflicting values , people . So I began to look at some of Zane 's most recent interesting habits and share with you the values that I think they express . Habit 1 : Zane burps and says , Good Burp . After some prodding , he will say , Good Burp . Excuse Me . This comes from the fact that when Zane was just a wee one , we - being parents of only one child who 's every coo , gurgle , or burp was adored - would say , Good Burp , Zaney . Let 's do it again . Now we insist that he say , Excuse Me , but we just can 't extinguish the Good Burp comment first . I figure if I get the Excuse Me in there , I 'm not going to push it . Value : It 's important to have good manners - after some self - congratulation . Habit 2 : Zane blows raspberries against the window and then wipes the spit off the window with his socks , shirt , or whatever other cloth object is available . He usually says , Zaney Cleaning . Mama Cleaning . after that . This one seems to come directly from my over - the - top cleaning of our house right now . As you may recall , our house is on the market , and I 'm a little obsessive about making sure that it shows well . This includes various and assorted odd tasks to be completed every time we leave the house . Value : You must clean up the meZany Mama There are things you know about yourself , and sometimes these realities are brought home to you in a dramatic way by a very trivial occurrence . Yesterday I was sitting in my car outside of the yoga studio reading a book . Why read a book in the car outside of a yoga studio ? Simple : I get home before Zane and SRH ( by about 10 minutes ) . I snatch up some yoga clothes , and I try to leave the house before they get there . That way , we don 't have any of that Mama , mama , don 't leave me ! stuff that two - year - olds are prone to do when they don 't want you to have even one small minute to yourself … Uh … so I 'm sitting outside the yoga studio reading a book in my car because the studio doesn 't open for another 15 minutes , but I had to leave my house - let 's call it Mama - Alone - Time . So during Mama - Alone - Time a group of yogis begins to gather around the front door as they wait for the studio to open . They 're chatting . They 're laughing . They 're looking at me in the car like , Aren 't you going to come out and socialize with us ? No . As I related to SRH later , I don 't go to yoga to make friends , and I hate to spend my few precious daily moments of Mama - Alone - Time on people that I don 't know . ( Of course , one could argue that I could get to know them if I bothered to get my nose out of a book and join the conversation ) . I 'm not antisocial , exactly . I just really like being by myself . While I think that liking to be alone is a very positive attribute , there are definite drawbacks . It can make me a distant friend . I have trouble keeping in touch with people that I do truly love , and I 'm sure I close myself off from a whole group of experiences due to my desire to be alone . I do feel a bit of guilt about this personal characteristic , to be sure . SRH and I had the following conversation on my way home from yoga : Me : It 's not that they 're not nice people , I just wanted to read . SRH : That 's okay , honey . You don 't get much time for yourself . They probably didn 't even notice . Me : That 's not true . TheyZany Mama Yesterday , I got back from a " girls weekend " with three of my closest women - friends ( These are your new handles , ladies . Deal with it ) : Zingerzapper - Feisty and a very - good - reckless - driver , Zingerzapper is the friend who will tell it to you straight and always be there when you 've messed up anyway . No one is more loyal , true , or sarcastic . Elengant - About 7 feet tall with a gracious manner , Elengant immediately puts others at ease and is okay having the party at her house at a moment 's notice , because her house is always clean anyway . Folks just want to be around her . Beauty Queen - Although she has perfect hair and brows at all times , Beauty Queen is not shallow and vain . She 's put together . ( Remind me at some time to tell you about how I walked into her room while she was laboring with her first child to find her sleeping with a hair brush in her hand ) . She 's the friend you call if you want to know ANYTHING about parenting . Between us , we have 6 children , 35 years of marriage , and lots of stories to tell about working in the salt mines of the Battered Women 's Movement . Anyway , the weekend was delightful and full of laughter , storytelling , and bonding . It was fabulous . On the other hand , there were a few not - so - delightful moments , and I thought I 'd share those , too . DELIGHTFUL : A child - and husband - free weekend at the spa for four close girlfriends who have known each other for 7 + years . UN - DELIGHTFUL : The impetus for the trip was the fact that Beauty Queen is leaving us to move to another state . This , even though , when I met her 8 years ago , she swore that I could get attached to her because they had no plans to move away . I specifically asked . She specifically said that they weren 't moving . Fast forward eight years , and now it 's all , We have to move for Jon 's job . It 's the best thing for our family . Blah , blah , blah . DELIGHTFUL : I had a Body Rejuvenating Treatment , Aromatic Manicure , and Aromatic Pedicure back to back . It was a half day of pampering and indulgence . After our treatmPosted by Bits and pieces to write about today . Nothing deserves a whole entry , but bear with me while I blab about the little things that happen in my daily life . Consequences Apparently watermelon is a diuretic . Did you know that ? I didn 't , until I ate 3 melons in 4 days , and I started going pee every five minutes . I just thought maybe I had a UTI coming on or somesuch , but there was none of that pesky pain that typically accompanies that condition . After about 2 days of non - stop trips to the loo , I remembered Hey , wasn 't there a watermelon diet in the 70 's ? I bet watermelon is a diuretic . After a quick internet search , my suppositions were confirmed . The problem is going to the bathroom really isn 't enough of a negative consequence to interrupt my gluttony . I mean , Zane did yell , Mama Potty , every single time I headed up the stairs , but it 's not like peeing really interrupted anything . Plus , it helped his vocabulary . I got him to say , Mama Potty Watermelon , several times . Park Chats Zane and I were at the park earlier in the week - who would believe this since I was sure we 'd have to build an ark to survive all the rain we 've been having - when another mama struck up a conversation with me . Which is no small feat - I am not exceptionally friendly at such mama - gathering places . I don 't mean to be UN - friendly , it 's just that I don 't really like gabbing with stranger ( such a surprise that my career as a therapist was short - lived ) . Anyway , I 'm talking to this woman and her friend , and I 'm struck with the thought that Wow , this is where it gets really clear that I grew up in a trailer . One of the women used to work for our local symphony , the other was an artist . Their kids had totally - cool - family - lineage - type names , and they mentioned family who were attorneys and doctors . This in contrast to my family : one of my grandfathers couldn 't get a job teaching because he was a Black man and so spent the rest of his life in a steel mill , and the other one was a dirt - poor farmer who worked for the couPosted by As part of my job , I 'm running a program for female leaders . One of the things the group is doing is sharing their " bios " . Not their resumes or vitas , but rather a more fun bio that allows us to get to know each other better - in the grand tradition of Dewar 's profile ads ( see here and here ) . So I thought I 'd post my profile - with a few additions . In green are the answers that I wrote up for my official bio , and the tan text is what I would say if my work filter was off . HOME : an old house in Clintonville - Actually , this one would stay mostly the same . If I was feeling particularly sentimental , I might say home was wherever SRH and Zane were , but I 'm not feeling particularly sentimental today . They 're both getting on my nerves . AGE : 32 - For cripes sake , way too old to be cute . I 'm totally digging the 30 's - I feel respectable but still full of possibility . Which probably isn 't true at all . Didn 't I hear somewhere that your prospects die as soon as you breed ? PROFESSION : advocate for women - this has taken many shapes over the years . Right now , I 'm the Assistant Director of Agency XYZ . I won 't be here for long . This is an okay environment for now , but I 'm a fish out of water , and I 'm thinking about what 's next . Typically this would give me all sorts of anxiety , but I 'm actually kind of excited about knowing that this job isn 't a forever thing . HOBBY : Yoga , Reading , Writing , and Hiking - and well , duh , celebrity gossip . It 's not so much a hobby as a passion . A sick , sick passion . Also , I like to shop and decorate my house - both fairly shallow pastimes which nullify my anti - consumerism longings , but it 's where I am today . Also , I know some mamas would feel compelled to say that spending time with their children is their favorite hobby . For me , not so much a hobby as a responsibility . A joyous one , to be sure , but still not in the hobby genre . LAST BOOK READ : Foxmask by Juliet Marillier - I 'll read anything by this woman . She is just a masterful storytelPosted by Although I tell her that I love her everyday , I rarely take the opportunity to tell my mom what a fabulous mother - and woman - she is . Well , today , being Mother 's Day , I though I should take this very public forum to let the world know that I have one of the best mothers in the world . I truly do . I 'm not blowing sunshine up anyone 's behind here or angling for an inheritance . My mother is amazing . So , what to say about the woman who raised me on her own , made me the center of her entire universe for many years , and to this day , continues to take my phone calls about what to wear and what to say to intimidating people ? This , the lady who taught me that friendships with other women are one of life 's great pleasures , and is , outside of SRH , one of the few people I can tolerate on a daily basis . I feel moved to poetry . I don 't like to brag , And I don 't like to boast . But my mother , Patty R . , is better than most ! She had me at twenty , When she had less than plenty , And as mother and daughter , we are close . Okay , that 's a little too Dr . Seuss - y for my taste . Poetry is out . How about an open letter ? Dearest Mother , You are the greatest mother ever . I so value your love and wisdom . I can only hope to be as good a mother to Zane as you were to me . Speaking of your parenting , how did you ever get me to go to sleep at night ? No really , cause I 'm struggling with Zane . He will NOT go to sleep . Doesn 't fight going to bed . Just won 't go to sleep . It 's infuriating - Scott and I are lying down with him for like an hour a night before he goes to sleep . I know you aren 't a proponent of the " cry it out " method , since the one time you tried it with me , I chewed up my crib and you had to come in to take all the splinters out of my mouth . What should I do ? Am I ever going to have a life when I say , Good night Zane . Mama will see you in the morning ? Okay , see , the letter just becomes all about me and my needs . Very narcissistic . Not very Mother 's Day ode - like . New plan . I 'm going to interview my mom about some of Zany Mama So today 's blog will feature a looking - a - gift - horse - in - the - mouth - rant . Some of you may judge my sob story and say , Oh boo hoo . Suck it up , buttercup . I get called worse things every day before 8am . But it 's my blog , and I can incessantly whine if I want to … At work today , the other folks in my office ( who I don 't actually work with , they just share office space with my unit ) were out in the common area eating some of my birthday cake - which is fine . Even I can 't eat a whole cake by myself . I know I have a reputation for gluttony , but , really , even I won 't eat a whole delicious , white almond cake with white frosting on my own . Anyway , as I come out of the office , my office mates thank me for the cake and say " happy birthday " . Great . Then as I 'm walking away , I hear one of them saying to the group , She 's so cute . What ? ! She 's so cute ? ! Huh ? ! How about you say , Sweet Mother of Mary that woman is brilliant ! She 's so professional . She 's so competent . She 's so organized and knowledgeable . How about you don 't say " She 's so cute " when the assistant vice provost for minority affairs is at the table , eating MY cake . For goodness sake , I 'm in my 30 's . I 'm a professional . Sure , I 'm friendly and positive . Some days I 'm even a hard worker trying to prove herself in a new environment . I am NOT an intern playing dress up or even a young whippersnapper at her first job at a well - respected university . For good or ill , I am actually employed at said university with a fairly decent non - entry - level position . I do not aspire to be cute in my professional life . In fact , I 'm fairly certain that I 've passed that up in my personal life as well . As you might recall , I 'm going for sexy intellectual these days . I imagine that part of the reason that I got the stupid " She 's so cute " comment is because I am a bit smaller than the average female bear . I 'm not an pixie , an elf - my name would apparently be Seremela Calanor , a munchkin , a sprite , or any other assorted small person , butPosted by Lest folks begin to believe that I am some whiny wench who only talks about my kid 's health problems and my weird obsessions and / or general looniness , I thought I 'd actually share something positive . I had a great day yesterday . That 's right , it 's true . I had a great day yesterday . I 'll explain . Yesterday , SRH slept in late - he usually leaves the house by 6am - and so was around for the morning ritual with Zane . Typically , the morning time with Z is usually one of my favorite parts of the day - he 's all soft and snuggly in the morning , and we have several rituals that are lots of fun and very sweet . However , sometimes it 's nice to have a little help in the A . M . For example , SRH was able to help me with wrestling Zane to get his " breathy " done . He was able to hit " forward " on the DVD at the section when the old bridge falls out from under Duncan the Train , so that Zane doesn 't have to witness such a traumatic event . ( In case you were wondering , I believe that it is Toby that pulls Duncan to safety ) . And best of all , I shave 40 minutes off my morning because then SRH takes Zane to childcare . It is beautiful ! At work , I actually went to a conference where really helpful information was given . No lie . I actually enjoyed the conference . I left with some great ideas and clear next steps . I know . I know . A conference I liked . Unbelievable . Then , I got to leave work a little early . I mean , who goes back to work after a day - long conference is over ? I believe that the folks who do are maybe a little obsessed . Or maybe they 're just more successful in their careers than I am . Hmmm … I went to the library - ah bliss ! Actually got to search for books without a little boy tearing them off the shelves or my saying " Shhh ! " a million times . Then I went to a great yoga class . While the class itself was very good , I believe that it was particularly enjoyable because as I was doing yoga , my in - laws were passing through town on their way down south . So instead of mother - in - law - hell , I was vinyasa - ing my way Posted by Everything is back to relative normalcy at our house . Zane is healthy and ornery , and the babysitter is out of the hospital and looking forward to watching him again this week . In - laws have come and gone . Which leaves a poor blogger with the question : What can I blog about ? Luckily for me , a dear friend had the answer . She suggested that I blog about my weird obsessions . Actually , I believe she said something like , Zany Mama , you should blog about some of your weird obsessions . You know you 're really a freak about certain things , and I think you should share some of those things with the world . Okay , maybe that 's not exactly what she said , but it IS what I heard . For a moment I was momentarily taken aback . I don 't believe that I have any weird obsessions , I spluttered . Friend : Come on , Zany Mama , you won 't let SRH 's graham cracker box touch your food in the grocery cart because you think that somehow the graham - crackery cooties will befoul your food . ( I recall her saying ) . Me : That 's not weird . It 's looking out for my own healthy self - interest by defending my food from the disgusting madness that is the outside of a S ' More . Those things are just gross . Gives me the willies jus thinking about them in my grocery cart . I maybe didn 't say that out loud . Maybe I said something more like - You think that 's weird ? Friend : That 's weird . Well , I 'm sure I could ramble on and on about my weird obsessions , but I 'm actually a little pressed for time . Our house is going on the market tomorrow , and I have tons of cleaning - well , not cleaning more straightening so that it looks like I cleaned - to do . But what occurred to me is that I do have some weird obsessions around showing our house . The following is a short list of " to dos " when showing a house that might qualify as a little obsessive , and , oh yeah , weird . Febreze the bedroom . At no other time in my life do I believe that my bedroom has an odor . When the house is on the market , however , every time I walk into it , I think , Goodness , we Zany Mama I work at a university , so I am constantly reminded of my college days - oh look , the bars are already busy , well it is Thursday after 5pm . Or - I used to wear clothes that small - well , maybe not small . ( I have ever been averse to showing a lot of midsection ) . Or - remember when I thought that " sleep deprivation " occurred during finals week . Well , now I 'm a parent , and I know about real sleep deprivation , wear clothes that are designed to cover and camouflage , and hardly ever drink on Thursday evenings . Come to think of it , I hardly drink at all . That 's what having kids will do to you . But recently I have started to feel nostalgic for the carefree - ness of college life . You know , when your life is filled with decisions about studying vs . calling that cute guy , or studying vs . chatting with your friends . When the Financial Aid and Bursar 's Office is your biggest enemy and getting up for a 9am class seems like torture . Now , my life is filled with hard decisions . And I don 't mean the hard decisions about balancing work and family or what discipline methods to use with my particular child . I 'm talking about the smaller hard decisions that , at the time , I 'm not sure I even knew I was making . For example , when at the age of 28 , I decided to have a baby ; I never framed the decision as : Hot Body or Have Baby ? But that , indeed , was the decision that was made . Oh sure , I can wear most of my pre - pregnancy clothes , but my body is different - and decidedly not hot . I will never again have a flat tummy , and I don 't think one 's hips become narrower a few years post - partum . At least mine haven 't . I 'm not saying all this to get SRH to say " You 're still hot honey ! " I do feel attractive and appreciated by SRH . I 'm just saying that I actually thought , Nine months in , Nine months out and back to my old self . Just typing that makes me want to snort in derision at my former naiveté . Another hard decision that we made early on was Orthodontics or Psychotherapy ? At least we went into this one with eyesPosted by A quick update because it 's a terrible thing to announce that your kid who is prone to ER visits is sick and then not tell anyone what happened next . Zane is still sick . Has an ear infection , so he 's cranky and feverish . Saw the doctor today who gave us a script and said his breathing is okay . So we 're on the 3 - 4 hour breathing treatment regime , but he really does seem to be doing just fine as far as that goes . ( Cross my fingers , throw salt over my shoulder , knock on wood , and spit on the ground for luck ) . Babysitter still in the hospital - severe dehydration , complicated by a chronic illness she has . She should also be completely fine soon ; however her inconsiderate trip to the hospital via squad means that I haven 't worked for the past two days . Geez , she 's all about taking care of herself . Geez . Anyway , I 'm hoping to get in to work tomorrow . By hoping , I mean that I really need to get into work , not that I 'm particularly looking forward to it . In - laws were fairly innocuous this visit . We 'll see . They roll back through next week , and they hardly ever make it through two visits in a row without saying something upsetting . Thanks for all the phone calls and well - wishes . I 'll be back to the regular old blogging soon . Well , I hate to say it . It 's my first " my - kid - is - sick - no - time - to - blog " post . Actually Wheezy McAsthma is now asleep for the evening - thank goodness - but still no time to post . He 's feeling sick and feverish and we 've had to increase his rescue treatments , but it doesn 't look like dire circumstances right now . We 've seen a lot worse . So , to quickly summarize life in my world - work was crazy today , Zane is sick , Zane 's babysitter is going to the ER as I type , and my in - laws are coming to visit tomorrow . Bleck , bleck , holy ( insert expletive here ) , and double bleck .
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We had an ugly holiday sweater contest at work last Friday . This picture above is of me and my friend Ingrid sporting our beautiful sweaters ! My sweater came from my Mom 's closet . My mom does a pretty good job of keeping up with some trends in fashion , she really doesn 't know when it 's time to not wear a holiday sweater , yes that 's right , she still wears this particular sweater . She told me it looked cute with jeans . . . . . . really . . . . . . I don 't think so . As ugly as my sweater was I did not win the contest , as you see in this picture below the winner was Joe ( on the right ) in a beautiful sweater vest decorated with santas and garland . Also in the picture is Brian who was very creative with a can of spray paint , and Mandi whose shirt is actually a large felt gift bag . It was a lot of fun and there were lots of laughing at people for most of the day ! Posted by Once a year , we go into Sears Portrait Studio and have new family pictures taken . I get a pretty big discount there , and they have been taking our pictures for the last 6 years or so . Last year , was my year for deciding on clothing so I made everyone dress up , meaning Dave had to wear a tie , and for those of you who know Dave , it was not a pleasant experience for him . Last year we also have the drama fest of a 3 year old trying to take a picture . We managed to get some good ones but not until she had cried , thrown a temper tantrum , and ran away from the camera room . We were kinda of dreading this year , and were anxious to see how Taryn would act . Surprisingly , pictures went very well ! Taryn and the boys were quite the hams in front of the camera and we managed to be in and out in just over an hour ! That is quite a feat for a family of 6 ! Below are some of my favorites from the session , when the one of Taryn by herself was taken , I started to tear up , my last little baby is getting so big ! I know I haven 't posted in a couple of weeks , so here is the lowdown : Dave and I made it through finals ! I ended up with a B in all 3 of my classes , so I was pretty excited . I ended writing an extended play review for my final in Theatre . It was a good excuse to bring out the old videos of the musicals from my high school days and take a little trip down memory lane as I reviewed them . ( we did an exceptional job ) I am currently back working at Sears portrait Studio over the Christmas Holidays . This is my 3rd year back and I really enjoy it . It 's nice to have a job where I basically have no responsibilites . Plus the extra Christmas cash and the picture discount ( 75 % off ) is nice too ! We are excited for this weekend , because on Saturday Dave is going to go pick up our new 50 " TV ( it was our Christmas gift for each other ) and our friends Doug and Jen and their 4 kids are coming over to our house ( Doug is helping Dave carry the big TV ) . Andrew is slowly getting better . He is working on finding his calm place ( don 't we all need a calm place ? ) and is doing better with following the rules at home . He had a big breakthrough last night when he told the truth the FIRST time he was asked about stealing some cookies out of the cupboard . Its the little things that add up with him . So our focus was on how proud we were of him for telling the truth , and not about the bad behavior . Taryn apparently skipped the terrible twos , because we are having the toughest time with her . She screams , slams doors , throws things and it outright definant with us . Trying to stay calm with her has been a challenge . But lately we have discovered if we tell her that we are not talking to her until she can be nice , she stops . Hopefully this phase will pass by quickly . Ethan and Alex are getting ready for their 3rd grade music concert , where they are doing some music from Africa and then performing songs from Suessical the Musical . It should be interesting to say the least . They will tell you that they have stage fright , which just kills me because they Posted by Ok , here I am in the midst of final exams and final projects . The class that I thought would struggle with the most ( Macroeconomic ) has actually been a breeze for me . But , my other classes are killing me ! I just finished my speakers notes , Power Point Presentation , and paper for my Info 1001 class ! It took me forever ! I am still dreading the Intro to Theatre final project of a 5 - 10 page play with a 3 page Character Analysis . I have so much time for this crap . . . . Wish me Luck ! Well , another Halloween has come and gone , and we of course have 800 pieces of candy to show for it ! We went out a little later this time ( mostly due to the fact that Dave was still working and that left me do handle all the make - up , costumes , etc . . ) They had the best time ! Taryn was done a little bit sooner than the boys ( I think they could have gone another 5 or 6 blocks ) But , once we told them they could go home and eat candy they were all about it ! It 's the one day of the year where we don 't say anything about the amount of junk that they are eating , we just let eat candy for about 30 minutes and then we tell them they can pick 4 more pieces and we put the rest up . Here are some pictures to summarize our evening . . . Ready to go out ! Our scary " twin " vampires ! Taryn riding a unicorn ! Trick or Treat ! ! ! Air Force Andrew ( he is wearing my dad 's actual air force uniform ) Princess TarynOur Candy Haul ! The aftermath . . . . For Taryn 's first 3 halloween 's we had all the kids go together in costume as a theme . I found these pictures and they were so cute I just had to show them all to you ! Taryn 's first Halloween : The Wizard of Oz , Taryn was Dorothy ( of course ) , Andrew was the Tin Man , Ethan was the Lion and Alex the Scarecrow . The 2nd Halloween : Superheros , Taryn was Wonder Woman , Alex was Batman , Ethan was Spiderman and Andrew was Superman . The 3rd Halloween : Captain Jack Sparrow ( Andrew ) and his band of pirates ! Last year we let them pick all their own costumes and didn 't make them fit a theme , but seeing these pictures I really need to find another foursome for them to go as ! Any suggestions ? As I was sitting here in my office I get a phone call from my son Alex , who said " Mom , I have something to tell you and you are going to be so happy . . . " I of course wanted to know what this big news was . In September Alex filled out a job application at the school to be a member of his elementary school 's new recycling program 's team . A couple of weeks ago , he had an interview with the principal and the teacher that is heading up this program . He had a little mock interview with me , so he could practice . He has such great interviewing skills ! A trait he no doubt gets from me ! : ) So he called me today to say that he had gotten the job ! He is so excited , and we are so very proud of him ! So he is the 3rd grade representative for the recycling program . The only one out of 3 classes ! Good Job Alex ! ! ! ! ! On Saturday night my very best friend Laura came to visit us from Des Moines . Our friends John and Karly came out to the house and we all had some cocktails , played some Wii and had a really good time ! On Sunday morning Laura and I got up and went over to my mom 's house to pick up Taryn ( Laura is her godmother ) . Taryn was SO excited to see her ! It makes me feel good to know my kids love Laura as much as I do ! The boys came home later in the afternoon ( they had been at their grandparents house since last Thursday ) , once Ethan found out that Laura was there , I barely got a half - hug before he was hugging Laura . When she left , Ethan cried and he and I laid in my bed for the rest of the evening , watching TV and eating sunflower seeds . It 's those special one on one times that I love with my kids . When it 's just the two of us , watching Extreme Makeover - Home Edition , and Bettlejuice . Later of course we were watching Iron Chef . Ethan loves to cook , so the food network is one of his favorite channels . With everything that we are going through as a family with Andrew , Dave and I are trying to spend some quality alone time with all the kids . It 's really tough to do with our schedules but we are making an effort . We of course are in the midst of Halloween preperations . We will have a princess , an Air Force Pilot , a vampire and one undecided at this point ( I know , nothing like waiting until the last minute ) I will post pictures of the kids in their costumes next week ! I realized that I hadn 't posted for awhile about some other things that have been going on in my life . 1 . Dave has been working at H & H Chevrolet in the detail shop , he has had a really crappy schedule 1 - 9 : 30 Mon - Thurs and then 8 - 7 on Saturdays . Has not been fun . But . . . YIPPEE ! Today he got the good news that he gets to switch to the day shift so we are putting Taryn in preschool and Dave will be home before the boys get out of school . It will be much better for us as a family . 2 . Andrew ( our oldest ) was diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder ( RAD ) it would take much too long for me to explain what this is , so if you want to know the hell we have been going through google it . He seems to be doing better and is in regular therapy , and getting ready to start EMDR ( again , google it ) therapy . It will be a slow road , but anything is better than what we have been dealing with . There is nothing worse than knowing your child is in emotional pain and you can 't do anything to help them . 3 . School . . . . . . . . there is nothing to say here . . . . . . . school is school . . . at least I 'm not taking Math . 4 . Bridal Shower coming up this weekend ! My sister ( Rachael ) is getting married on New Year 's Eve and we are hosting her bridal shower and bachelorette party in Grand Island this weekend . Should be a good time ! 5 . My BFF Laura is coming to visit in 2 weeks ! ! ! ! YIPPEE AGAIN ! ! ! ! We will be having a fun night of beer drinking and Wii playing with some friends . Hope you all have a wonderful weekend ! I know I will ! When I think back to the 5th grade I remember that was the year I started band . Well here in Elkhorn , they do not start band until the 6th grade and every 5th grader learns how to play the recorder . So on Monday I filled out a permission slip and sent $ 5 . 00 with Andrew so he could purchase his recorder and song book . I can 't tell you how excited I am to have the sounds of the recorder filling my house at night . I 'm sure we are in for a bumpy few months with this . It all culminates with an ALL recorder concert in February . Can 't wait ! ; ) I just wanted to share this picture of Taryn with you all ! I love her eyes ! If this isn 't a future Miss America I don 't know what is ! : ) Dave took this picture last night with his fancy new Nikon digital camera ! It just was so pretty ! ( minus the food on her face and the big scratch on her chin ) Posted by It just seems like yesterday when this tiny bundle of joy was born . . . The first picture was taken the day before I went back to work , she was 6 weeks old . Her big brother Alex was holding her and they are still as close as ever . In just 1 week , Taryn will be off to pre - school ! It 's really hard to believe . I am ( as is she ) a little aprehensive about her going . She hasn 't been to daycare since she was 6 months old , when Dave decided to stay at home with the kids . Now , that Dave is back to work , she is still in her own house with her brothers at home to entertain her ! So we will be working with her about how " fun " school is ! She is so smart , and talks so well I am anxious to see how well she does . We chose a pre - school that is pretty structured with a lot of variety during the day , which I think will work well for her since she gets bored easily with one activity ! Apparently there is way too much going on for her to be expected to sit for more than 10 minutes at a time ! : ) I think she is ready , I just hope her Dad and I are too ! ! Posted by On Saturday all the kids were gone . The boys had headed out to Gibbon , NE for the weekend and Taryn went over to spend the night at my mom 's . Dave and I are trying to spend some " us time " together lately . With our conflicting work schedules , four kids , and schoolwork , it 's tough even to have a conversation . We started our night off at dinner at one of our favorite restaurants " Firebirds " . They have the best bread ! We then went to meet some of our friends down at the bar . They weren 't there yet when we got there so we decided to pass the time by playing a couple games of Keno . Dave won his very first game and ended up with $ 111 . 00 ! So he pretty much paid for our date night ! We stayed there until about 10 : 30 and then went out to our friends Doug and Jen 's , where we sat outside , drank some beer , and relaxed around their firepit . All of a sudden it was 1 : 30am ! I couldn 't tell you the last time I managed to stay up that late ! We had such a good time and it is a constant reminder to all of our married friends . Your kids are important , but don 't forget to take the time for yourselves ! That is a lesson that Dave and I are always learning ! Hope you all had a wonderful weekend ! I know I did ! : ) Last night , as I was coming in from outside , I stood and watched as all four of my kids were clustered around the computer , playing a game and laughing with each other . It was just another reminder of even in the midst of all the fighting and yelling and " he touched my stuff " at some point they really do love each other . Just another reason why I feel so blessed . On a side note : Ethan and Alex went to " High School Musical " Dance class this weekend . As most of you know , I love to dance and was thrilled when they said they wanted to take this class . I did feel a little bad for them , being the only two boys in all 3 sessions and then watching them having to do a dance to a song called " Fabulous " which is a female song in the show . But , more power to them , they had a great time , and I am thrilled to introduce them to dance . Alex has also surprised me lately , he has a little toy keyboard that we got him for Christmas a couple of years ago and has really been after me to teach him some songs . So I taught him the song " Heart and Soul " ( if you have ever played the piano you know this song ) I taught him the bottom part and the melody . After practicing for a day or so , he now has mastered both , which just amazes me ! He of course now wants me to teach him another song , and " Heart and Soul " is pretty much the end of my piano capablilites . We are hoping that Dave will get this new position that he is applying for and we will be able to enroll him in piano lessons ! More later ! I hate painting . My back hurts , my legs hurt , my shoulders hurt and I pulled a couple muscles . We spent the holiday weekend painting two rooms of our house and moving furniture around and trying to keep my patience with my children . We created a new room for our twins and another room for our oldest son . Once we finished Andrew 's room last night at about 9 pm I looked around it thinking , Oh my , his room really looks like a pre - teen 's room . He has his bed , and his computer desk and his bookshelf , and of course his pirate flag hanging across his wall . It amazes me on how fast he has grown up . It seems like just yesterday that we painted a room blue to match his Finding Nemo bedspread , and now we are painting so he can be in a " grown - up " room . I can 't belive how time flies . According to him now all he needs is a TV ( yea , right ) and it would be perfect . It 's that time of year again . . . Back to School ! ! ! ! ! It is my favorite time of year since , my house tends to stay a little cleaner without the boys home all day to terrorize it . : ) Andrew is off to 5th grade this year , which for us means Outdoor Education and what I 'm sure will be a long couple of months while he learns to play the recorder . Ethan and Alex started 3rd grade and as always are my little social butterflies . I love taking the first day of school picture , it reminds me so much of my mom taking my picture every year when I was a kid . Of course , I do not cry every year . Talk to me next year when the first day of school picture will include all my kids ! It 's hard for me to imagine that Taryn will be in Kindergarten next fall . What will I do with all my free time ? ? Hopefully learn to relax a little ! : ) Do you all remember school supply shopping ? Picking out the cool folders and pencils and a new backpack for the year ? Now I understand why my parents didn 't want to take me . It is apparerntly a 5 hour process to pick out 8 things . I hope you all have a wonderful Labor Day weekend ! We had the best weekend ! ! ! We returned yesterday from spending the weekend at AdventureLand in Des Moines . The boys thought it was awesome and we couldn 't have asked for better weather ! We got to Laura and Adam 's on Saturday and the boys played football with Adam , and we grilled out . On Sunday we were off to AdventureLand and had a great time ! Alex did ride a roller coaster , which he thought was pretty cool . Taryn also had a good time in Edgar with Aunt Rachael and Abbi . They played and went to the Hasting Museum , where Taryn thought the Kool - Aid exhibit was the best ! Hope you all had a great weekend ! This weekend everyone in our family is off on another weekend of traveling . Taryn left this morning to go spend the weekend with Aunt Rachael , ( future ) Uncle Mick , and Abbi in Edgar , NE . If you know where that is at you are a true Nebraskan . . . Dave and I and the boys are off to AdventureLand in Des Moines . We are staying with my best friend Laura and her boyfriend Adam . I am so excited to see her ! I 'll post pictures when we come back ! I have spent a lot of time in the last few days , reflecting on my life and the legacy I want to leave behind . My Aunt Jan lost her battle with cancer on July 24th , but her legacy that all things are possible with God , really has hit home in last few days . I just wanted to take a moment to thank God for my many blessings . 1 . My loving husband , and how everyday he makes me want to be the best person I can be , and how much he loves me . 2 . My son Andrew , who is trying to overcome the grief in his life at such a young age , and the sweet way he smiles at you . 3 . My son Ethan , who wants to protect everyone in his family , yet secretly wants to cuddle up on the couch with you . 4 . My son Alex , who 's loving disposition shows through to everyone , even when he 's having a temper tantrum . 5 . My beautiful daughter Taryn , who even though she got the drama queen gene from me , is still the most special girl in my life . I love they way she has such self confidence telling you " I KNOW ' when you tell her she looks pretty today . 6 . My fantastic family , even though we are pretty far from " normal " I wouldn 't change a single moment with them . 7 . Wonderful friends , the Fab Five , the people from H & H , Kearney , and Constellation , who have partied with me , cried with me and supported me in some way . 8 . The fact that I know , that I am healthy and happy and enjoying life . This is just the tip of the iceberg of the things that make me feel blessed everyday , but I just wanted to reflect and say Thank you to the special people in my life and how I feel blessed just having them around . " If you Love Life , Life will Love you Back " I just wanted to write a quick note and post this site about my Aunt Jan . http : / / www . caringbridge . org / visit / janallenIt is a great site for a loved one you have that is ill . She is a very special lady and if you get a second , read her story and the comments people have left for her and you will see what I mean . Please keep her and my whole family in your prayers . On a brighter note , my sister celebrated her 10 year cancer - free day yesterday ! I remember that time in my life like it was yesterday . I am blessed to have her in my life ! A lot of love out to my friends and family , it is days like today that you realize how important the people around you are ! This weekend was my 10 Year High School Reunion . It 's hard to believe that it 's been 10 years since high school ! ! ! We started our weekend with drinks out at Bandit 's in GI . We definitley packed them in there ! I couldn 't turn around in Bandit 's without running into someone else that graduated with . So I spent most of that night running around and socializing , leaving my husband to fend for himself ! On Saturday afternoon we had a tour of the old high school , that crowd was a little more mellow , probably because we drank so much the night before , everyone was hung over . When the tour was over , Dave and I decided to go and grab something to eat at Amigos ( another hangout from the high school days ) and apparently that was something that everyone else thought of too , because when we were done eating about 10 more people that were at the tour walked into Amigos ! We went back to my Dad 's to get ready for the dinner . We had a nice turn out for the dinner and I won an award for the graduate with the most kids ! Big shock there ! : ) The best part was just getting to hang out with some old friends like my good friend Michelle and Roth who was my date for my Senior Prom ! We all decided to take a cruise for our 20 year ! I expect to have just as much fun ! I also got to spend some time with 3 of the girls that make up the Fab Five , and it was great to see them as well ! We ended Saturday night with a 1 : 00 am visit to Perkins , which is something I haven 't done in a very long time ! It was a great weekend , but I am so tired ! ! ! ! Posted by Ethan and Alex had their last baseball game last night . I was so proud of them and the season they had . It really was amazing to see them grow as baseball players . I have sat through 3 seasons of baseball with them , starting with T - ball and watching every member of the team run after the ball to this season where I watch them keep their heads in the game , cheer on other teamates for a job well done and be overall really excited about baseball . Alex got to be the pitcher last night and he was so excited . He threw some good pitches and even managed a couple of strike outs ! Here they are " baseball ready " as there coaches called it . It 's wonderful to see them so excited about something that could take them very far in life . ( Ethan is at shortstop , Alex is farther back at Center field ) . I am so proud of them ! Have a super weekend ! P . S . On a side note , Dave got a letter in the mail today saying he had made the Dean 's List ! Yippee ! ! ! ! ! ! I am a full time mom , wife , student , and employee . I love staying busy and always having something going on . As you can tell from my blog title " any given day " is a true way to describe my life !
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I 've always marveled at the interest of others have of drama not on the stage . Soap Operas , Reality TV , and a host of other things suck people in . This in addition to the drama we find ourselves facing on a daily basis . Speaking poorly of others only feeds that beast . How much is enough ? If you wish to speak of someone in a way that might warn others about their behavior , then consider the trust but verify approach . It carries more weight than muckraking . An example I 'll share involves a referral . I was asked by a stunt coordinator about an individual she wanted to hire . The stunt side of the Film and Live Show entertainment business is different from the acting side . Where actors have to audition , stunt performers typically get their work through relationships and referrals . I was honest with her . I told her this particular performer had presented performance challenges on a previous project , and that I had to chase her for several weeks to get her info for a production I was coordinating , which ultimately opted not to hire her . It would have been easy to say , " the kid is lazy , immature , and unreliable " but there was a better way . Neither who jumped ship this week was perfect , but both were worthy of stories that make us smile . In the one case , an old friend from my Rocky Horror days in the 80 's ( and part of the then - famous Wild and Untamed Things ) passed away after a lengthy battle with mental and physical health issues . At the memorial , my dear friend Jack and I both determined that stories to make people laugh was the order of the day . The Matriarch from my mother 's side of the family also shuffled her mortal coil . Her story to share ( since I was and am still not ready to grieve openly ) involved her walking up besides me , in the midst of a group of people we both knew , and rubbed my belly … as she looked at me and said , " Say it , honey . Lower and faster . " and then she walked away , laughing hysterically . In a rare case , I was left speechless . When we are saddened by loss , someone more callous might observe and say , " boo hoo , people die . " That is not in the least bit mature , and we should not be those people . Nor should we pay any attention to those who demonstrate such ignorant temerity . Speak well of others , living or dead , no matter how much the temptation to do otherwise . It 's better to be the better person than to live with regret because you said something in haste . Similarly , look for every opportunity to speak well and positively of those you know and those you love . Finding and extolling the good in others brings out the good in ourselves . So I 'm moved beyond measure when I receive a greeting card for my birthday . They 're just as special when one shows up ' just because ' . Sure , mom and dad usually will send the greeting card although they 're forgiven if they forget . That is a special person . Made even more so by the fact they feel the same way about you . now I 'm not saying run out to your local hallmark and drop a couple a hundred on greeting cards for every occasion . But it might it not be a bad idea , proactively , to visit the card aisle next time you make a grocery run and stock up on a few cards that can be properly inscribed and dropped in the mail . Just keep them in the study , or on your pass through , and the next time you 're thinking of a friend , smiling about a family member you miss , scribe a few words and post . Here is one way you do your level best to guarantee those people know how important they are to you . We must never forget in this digital age how important it is to do at least this much . They need to know . Emails , texts , messaging through the various forms are great , but this action elevates and enhances . There are several layers of danger in looking back . The obvious is you 're not looking forward . That 's bad because you don 't see what 's coming , and can 't prepare in the event something whacks , trips , or otherwise reaches out to influence your forwardly locomotion . It 's also not good because you are distracted . You 're so focused on the thing that already happened , and the " what - ifs " that surround it , you are fairly well insulated from anything happening in real time . Many do this unintentionally . You 'll know it 's happening with someone else when you are sharing a story or insight and you get a " what 's that ? " Or they nod absent - mindedly , and offer some form of affirmative answer in the hopes it is the correct one . Usually they 're thinking about something else , sometimes trying to connect the dots with a thought you just shared . Other times their mind is simply wandering . We miss out on opportunity when we continue to look back . We turn our back on the chance to experience in real time when we look back . People who live their entire holiday , or another event , through the lense of a camera suffer this fate . I have spent much time pondering how I was not the friend I should have been , that I was never truly there for those few who would have thrown themselves on the blade for me . My brother pointed out , years ago , it wasn 't possible for me to be an active participant in the ' group thing ' because I was like Hans Solo in my Millenium Falcon ( a 1972 Mach I with a 351 Cleveland , 4bblcarbs , and the destinct ability to both turn heads and cause whiplash ) . He told me I was running solo and had to because that was where I was in my life . It was a sort of Buddhist assessment . But it was also right . Another wonderful and wise person told me the only reason you should look to the past is to see how far you 've come , and hopefully , what you 've learned . She 's right . We have to see where we 've been to know where we 're going . The plus is we can change our behavor at any time . In that case I think I 'm doing ok . I just returned from a week in the mountains of Western North Carolina followed by a week in the coastal lowlands of South Carolina . Both places , rich in history , have residents whose sensibility is entrenched in the here - and - now . I worked hard to enjoy the moments as they came , and found myself living most of them . I spent much of my time around mom , doing work in and around the house , and simply being there without being suffocating . We scattered dad 's ashes in relative silence , hung his plaque , and did a bit of work around the area without somber reserve . Mom said to me , as we walked up the path from the garden , " I can 't imagine anyone else I would rather have done this with . " I didn 't take it as a commentary on how I was the favorite child : I am not ; I viewed it instead couched in the context I believe it was meant : even if I devalued my own contributions to the family as a unit , I was appreciated in full and my value should not be be questioned . One of the smartest , goofiest - yet - classiest guys I 've ever known , he was never afraid to poke fun at himself . With his easy - going personality he 's one of those people that never walked away from a stranger . People talk about knowing someone like that . Bernie is that person . He could walk into a room full of strangers and leave behind a room filled with friends . Looks , charm , and smarts made him a much sought after partner for conversation . We 'd be having a talk about politics or golf or the way people drive and I 'd be trying to wrap my head around some behavior that had me scratching my head , frustrated . He would offer a summary in a few succinct words . He did it without fanfare and without making a big deal of it . He possessed this Buddhist sensibility . That was the kind of guy he was . In my book ( and no doubt plenty of others ) he was the Unofficial Mayor of Waynesville . He knew everyone everywhere . He knew the business of different businesses , and could tell you which ones had a decent shot of succeeding . Here 's an example of the impact he had on his world . Years ago I 'd gone downtown and wandered into the newspaper shop on Main Street ( a now long lost relic to the past ) . I grabbed a paper and soda , and as I was paying , the guy behind the counter , who also owned the place , asked how my folks were and told me to say hi to my dad . I hadn 't been there in about a year . Another time I was in town and went with him to one of his Kiwanis Club meetings , where they were talking about doing a haunted house . He immediately volunteered me because of my experience designing them when I was in college . For countless Halloweens after Bernie would call and pick my brain , telling me about the space they had to work with ( small ) , their budget ( non - existent ) , and asked if I could get up there to help . About a year ago I was up visiting and we had to take a trip into town . He liked to say that when you were living in the mountains every trip was a trip into town . This particular excursion was an excuse to stop at Clyde 's , a Waynesville institution . It was the middle of the afternoon and we got coffee and talked . It was a quiet , unassuming moment , much like the man . Life is filled with moments we realize only later carry deeper impact . Years ago , back in South Florida , he was thrilled when I took up magic , and would share new techniques . He always referred to himself as ' The Great Lousini . ' But was as good at a pass , lift , or palm as any pro I 'd known . The old saw about how ' a good magician never reveals his tricks ' didn 't apply . The guy was better than I 'll ever be . I talked to him the week before he passed away . I made it a point to try to talk to him at least once a week . Some weeks were a lot better than others . I was up there recently . His strength had been much reduced , but the light in his eyes and his wit were both present . The first thing he said when I walked into the house ? He told mom we were going to take a trip into town for an ice cream . I have this great photo I took of him when he and mom first moved up to the mountains of Western North Carolina . Clearing the land on the side of the house where the land sloped up , he happily cut away . He was wielding a chainsaw as I shouted for his attention . He turned around and saw the camera . He hammed it up by holding that chainsaw above his head , opening his mouth like some crazed member of a chainsaw brigade . I smiled as I took the photo , and smiled every time I looked at that picture . Here was a man much admired and appreciated by all he met . He inspired when he didn 't try . He was my hero , in part because he was so sensible . I grew to admire the boxy style of the Volvo because he drove one for so long . It might have been uncool to most , but not to me , because it was his . It was because of him I learned early in life to appreciate National Public Radio , an appreciation I carry to this day . I can 't turn on a radio without switching to FM and heading to the left on the dial . Turned out to be a good thing I listen so much since a lot of the news I hear is topical and applies well to the courses I 'm studying . Being in a situation where you 're certain you know how you should react , yet can 't , is a tough place . When the thing that triggers confusion is the loss of a loved one , the emotion of choice is sometimes despair . The loss of a loved one is a different experience for each of us . In my case the plunge into fog was quick and without mercy . In the fog I 'm fortunate there are people like my mom , reaching out and touching my hand , comforting me by letting me know we take this one day at a time . My mom is my other hero . She is an Olympian example of strength I cannot possibly possess . Her heartbreak I cannot fathom . My heart cries and struggles as it fights to break free of my chest . She once remarked her job was to ' help mountain folk keep their heads screwed on straight ' . The key word there is help . My blinding quandary is how do I help her ? For the grief that is inevitably going to catch up with me , I am not yet prepared . I 'm not ready . Perhaps it makes me something of a coward , convinced I can outrun the pain . If it gets me to a place where I can take my breath before facing the pain , then call me what names you will . I 've always been the prodigal son in part because that 's the journey I unwittingly chose . But as I grew older I grew to understand the importance of family , how they prop and support , how they provide insight , refuge , and balance . Conversations where one could disagree without being disagreeable ; where one could talk and find a union of the heart and mind . I 'm working on my MBA and I 'm going to miss those opportunities to talk politics and economics . When I called the house for the first time after he passed away I heard his voice , thankfully still on the voicemail message . The first time I heard that voice singing , " Nothin ' could be finer than to be in Carolina … " I thought it was so corny . We all did . But it was perfect and it was Bernie . Hearing that voice now brings a smile wrapped in sadness . And I understood why of late he was reluctant to be seen on the streets of downtown Waynesville . It wasn 't that no one wants to see their beloved Mayor , their hero , reduced of strength physically , even if still a giant mentally . But more importantly to him , he didn 't want people to see him and become worried . That was also Bernie . Happy birthday , Dad . Thanks for introducing me to NPR and Daniel Silva , among other things . I love you and consider myself most fortunate indeed to have been part of your world . The first time was when I was in Boy Scouts . I was at a weekend event and did something really impressive . Once accomplished I proceeded to strut about like a male peacock displaying his full regalia . I 'm certain this deed was not nearly as impressive to those around me , but I was a teenager ( which really ought to explain a lot ) . In the midst of this , one man , my best friend 's father , waited for me to finish then pulled me aside . " Ron , " he began , " whenever you do or accomplish something worthy of recognition let other people notice without bringing it to their attention . " You know , that 's pretty heady stuff for a 12 or 13 year old . Lee Widner was one of those people who just did that sort of thing . While growing up he was , in some ways , sort of a surrogate father . He often encouraged me with expert subtlety to get those Merit Badges and seriously focus enough on getting my Eagle Scout , which I completed all the requirements for , but moved out of the state and territory before I was awarded this honor . ( To make matters more complicated , when I settled and located another troop and scout master , Richard Brown he did the research and could find no information I 'd completed the process . I learned of two stories later , though had no way of confirming either . One said the troop disbanded . The other story suggested a massive vacuum created by several assistant scout masters leaving because the scout master left . I 'll never know . And I digress ) . Point is , Lee took the time to provide me doses of attention ordinarily reserved for his son Brad . I have little doubt , in reflection , that he didn 't provide such doses of guidance to others . It was his nature , and no doubt sewn into his DNA . The second person that saw something in me worthy enough to garner his attention was my history professor , Ralph Clark . Mr . Clark was the kind of professor for whom people took classes they didn 't need nor would apply towards their curriculum credits . In many ways I was reminded of him the first time I ever watched Dead Poets Society . You see , Mr . Clark took the time to talk about history and went so much further . He loved teaching as much as he loved history , and he loved history . After a series of lectures and facilitation in Honors Western European History he set up a road trip . Destination ? Vizcaya ( if you 've never heard of this place , look it up ) . I went to college in South Florida , getting both my Associate 's degree and Bachelor 's degree from institutions of Higher Learning . The Chateau Vizcaya was an hour away from school . I signed up and was glad I did . I love history and always have . But what Mr . Clark did transcended anything I 'd ever Learned . We walked through the rooms and then went outside and walked the grounds , studying the architecture . Mr . Clark would point out an architectural nuance or an element that had been talked about in class and then quietly step back and watch us engage each other . That keen sense of awareness , of how history would resonate because we were not only exposed to it but we were talking and living it . He was no fool . He knew we 'd retain more than he taught . Last class of the last semester of my Associates degree with Mr . Clark . I was halfway through the room when Mr . Clark said , " Ron take a seat for a moment . " So I did . After the room cleared he came over and sat down next to me . " Ron ? You 're about to go into the big leagues . I mean sure , you may have a professor that cares enough for you to get to know your name but in most of your classes your grades are going to be determined by a Midterm and a Final . Extra credit will be a thing of the past . " He took the time to explain to me what I was getting into . Honestly I had no idea and simply justified his conversation as the rattlings of an old man . But he cared enough to take time out of a day no less busy than any other to talk to me . When he finished he simply said , " Well , that 's all Uncle Ralph has to say . " He retired and went to live in the Shenandoah Valley , a place rich in history . With his departure went a era . Another advocate was Dr . Peter Roundy . Fifteen minutes into my first class I knew I had to take others . And I did . Much of my electorate requirements were populated with courses taken where Dr . Roundy was professor . Our relationship developed into a genuine friendship . He travelled the world , gone for six to nine months at a time , teaching English in Thailand or some other fantastic locale . In a turnabout for memorable experiences , he told me once , over lunch , I was one of the only students that wrote him every time he travelled . I liked him and couldn 't help myself . His method for dispensing advice was simple : a few words here and there , doled out like chocolate sprinkles on a double dark chocolate cupcake . It was as if he 'd see you starting to slip off the path and he 'd turn you right again . Of course , if you were me you chose to bulldoze your way through life , only reflecting later on something said and remarking to yourself , " Oh . That 's what he meant . " And then there was Christopher Burns . I have written much on the man that became my brother with a bond that could not be broken by words or actions . Every living creature should be so fortunate as to have someone in their life so generous . He was a general in my army , champion to my action , and quiet observer to my missteps . He was wise enough , as any oracle , to let me stumble . I still reflect on those conversations and wish I had the chance , especially with Christopher , to sit and simply talk , letting that wisdom pour over me like a comforting breeze . Those talks never truly resonated with me at the time . But that 's the thing with really insightful advice : sometimes it requires time to germinate , to find purchase in the rich soil of the mind . Many take heed and respond to the call quickly . Others like yours truly sometimes miss the opportunity to give such advice the chance to help us change direction . As a result , when it does seat , we 've already moved on . I guess my message is this to you , my dear reader . We need people like that in our lives . They give us contextual insight through objective eyes . They are sometimes our reset button . If someone comes along and gives you the sort of unsolicited advice that peels itself like a Foxtail Palm or an artichoke and reveals more every time you glance its way , here 's what you do : if you can 't actually listen , retain and immediately apply that information , at least try to remember the critical piece of it . Give that advice a chance , just as that person who cared gave you . In time , you 'll not only be applying some of those helpful hints and life coach adjustments , but just as good , you 'll discover someone who might just need a little bit of the same . I 've known about this physical challenge of his for a while . The first sign of impending mortality appeared to me sometime ago . We were sitting at his office and decided to get lunch . I walked out ahead of him and turned . That was when I saw him wince as he went to stand . A simple effort that taxed him mightily . All the stuff in his office , always changing as he got new and different stuff , to him was just stuff . Simple entertainment . To me it was stuff I had to have . I always saw things I wanted . I finally got it . It was all just Stuff . He looked at me and in that moment understood my thoughts . And smiled . " Here , " he said as he reached for something on his desk . " This might be said to be one of my prized possessions . I 've had it for over 45 years . " He handed me a well - loved folding knife . I gripped the wooden handle and unfolded a shining , clearly sharpened blade . At the base was stamped the name " Buck . " " Why ? That 's 45 years of life , of experiences . Know what I mean ? I mean , do what you want , but I 'd leave it like it is . " I smiled at him as the tears started . " I 'm not ready to say good bye . I 'm not ready to see you go . " I didn 't know where it came from , but I 'd become a 9 year old boy whose best friend was moving to another country . " I know , " he said with a nod . He coughed . " I know you have to get to work , so go on . " He grabbed a green storage container and filled it with fresh produce : eggplant , mini bananas , tomatoes , avocado , celery , and cucumber . " Take this before it goes bad . " The next day I steeled myself to go through the motions , similar to when my brother moved halfway around the world . I 'd call his phone and leave a message . I 'd keep calling until the phone would stop taking calls . And that would be the end of that . We went out and had a helluva time . Who knew Denny 's could be the epicenter of a carefree morning where 2 friends laughed at themselves and the world ? It ranked as one of the best extended moments ever , talking and laughing over runny oatmeal and cold eggs . Best . Day . Ever . But that 's the point . It transcended magical . It was a second chance . I greedily drank in every second of that morning . Whatever else I had waiting could continue to wait . Seriously - When you drive to work , what do you see ? When you drive to school , what do you see ? When you 're running errands , going to the supermarket , or going to meet friends , what do you notice about your surroundings ? Look at the people in your life . Look at the ones who bring value , love , compassion , and respect . Are you reciprocating ? You should be . This isn 't about unnecessary distractions . It 's about life . It 's about the beauty in everyday things . It 's about noticing something for the first time . It 's about appreciating things that you 've seen before . It 's about setting your mind , and your emotions up for the kind of supreme awareness that makes you sympathetic & empathetic to your world , to the people , and creatures of all kinds . To the plants and even the stones . Let everyone in your life , everyone who matters , know they matter . Show them . Tell them . Share with them . Because life isn 't about how we start things , it is about how we sustain and polish things .
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Namibia is in the news for the 2nd day in a row , at least on the Graham Hancock website . Yesterday there were rumors of a vast underground reservoir of water . All it takes is one look at the place to know that would be wonderful if it pans out . I don 't think I 've ever seen any place quite so desolate looking , except places known to be deserts , like the Sahara or the American Southwest . Not too long ago there was a story about " fairy circles " in Namibia , which are probably due to a fungus of some sort . Today 's news is about HESS II , another crazy astronomy project , similar to the one in the Chilean desert in South America in that they both chose a location because of it 's high elevation and low moisture content . Crazy , man . HESS is being used to detect high energy particles , i . e . cosmic rays . It does this indirectly by detecting the blue light ( Cherenkov light ) generated when a cosmic ray impacts a molecule high up in the atmosphere . The HESS website has a better explanation . Finished watching Season 3 of Damages ( with Glenn Close and Rose Byrne as Ellen Parsons ) , and boy am I glad that is over . The first two seasons were pretty twisted , but they were at least partially believable . Season 3 though made no sense at all . It starts badly with Joe Tobin not making any sense , but before too long , nothing anyone is doing is making any sense . Made me wonder what the people who put this together were thinking . Were they like , let 's write a hare - brained script , and people will watch it because they watched the first two seasons , which were pretty crazy , so if we make it even crazier , they 'll like it even more ? Or maybe they got 42 people to write one page of the screen play for each episode , and then they shufffled all the pages and dumped the result on the screen . I mean , they had good actors , they had a good story , why did they have to fuck it up so bad ? I would not have been surprised if season 3 was the last one , but no ! There is a season four and season five is in progress right now . They created a robust Constitution and Bill of Rights , and wisely reserved the majority of power for the states and the people . That is why our government is the oldest on earth , while other nations - France , for example - have gone through five or more in the same amount of time . - Bob Owens , via Tam . Emphasis mine . Syria ? Seriously ? Of course this was almost five years ago , back when the current unpleasantness was only simmering on low heat , not boiling over and onto the front page of the world 's newspapers . Air traffic fell off sharply after those crazy Saudi 's hijacked four airliners and deliberately crashed them back in September of 2001 . Air traffic has increased somewhat since then , but I don 't think it has recovered completely , at least not in the US . The TSA ( Transportation Security Administration ) and their onerous " security " measures are partly to blame . Airline executives should have something to say , but I 'm not hearing anything . I did find this one story that offers a couple of really feeble excuses . What the media don 't talk about is that flying is incredibly safe . 2 million people a day fly in the U . S . That 's more than 700 million people a year . In the last 9 years , there have been : I travel between 50 , 000 and 100 , 000 miles a year most years . I also travel on larger planes and to and from foreign countries . My risk of dying in a terrorism - related plane crash is much greater than that of the average American . ( 16 % of Americans have never flown ; another 37 % fly less than once a year . ) But I 'm not worried because I know the risk is so unbelievably tiny it 's not worth worrying about . The TSA 's new procedures don 't reduce that already insignificant risk . The Marines are going back to M1911 Colt 45 . Fancy looking handle . I suppose all that detail comes from machining the multi - layer material . For the reason why , we have a story from the Philippines from a hundred years ago . Ugandan Insomniac is still posting away . One of her recent posts mentions Poisoned Wells : The Dirty Politics of African Oil by Nicholas Shaxson . In the publisher 's comments on this book I found this line : On the TeeWee this morning were spandex - clad dudes out in the sunny English countryside , racing bicycles . ( Or as the Brits call them , " spanners " . ) - Tam , the Queen of Snark It just occurred to me that people sometimes believe things that are not true . Somebody could have told them something and they just accepted it as gospel without examining it , or they could have observed two independent actions and concluded that one caused the other , even if there was no connection between the two . I just finished reading American Gods by Neil Gaiman , that 's what put me in this frame of mind . It even happens to me . I wrote a computer program a while back to solve a difficult puzzle , and for a while I actually believed I had found the solution . It was a wonderful feeling , but in a couple of days it had faded and I realized that , no , I had not found a solution . It was kind of weird . P . S . Saturday AM . This morning I came across this story about people believing stuff that isn 't true . Like all good American 's , I never let the facts get in the way of my beliefs . Almost shot myself in the foot today . Went up in the Coast Range today with Jack . He wanted to see if he could hit anything with his new rifle . I went along for the show and to do some plinking with an automatic . I 'd shot up a box of shells and I got to wondering if I could hit anything with my left hand . Never tried it before , had never occurred to me to try it when I actually had a gun on hand . So I did . It 's a little difficult . I was able to hit a three inch rock at about 20 paces with my second shot . Then I lowered the gun to bask in my glory , and bang ! The durn thing went off . Forgot one of the four rules of safe gun handling : don 't put your finger on the trigger until you are ready to shoot . Never had this problem before because my usual modus operandi is to blast away until I 'm empty , and being as this was an automatic and not a revolver , it was all cocked and ready to fire when I lowered it . Lucky I didn 't perforate myself . So now I 'm thinking about this business of safe gun handling , and not putting your finger on the trigger , and it 's not that easy . Pick up the gun and my index finger goes right to the trigger . Not putting my finger on the trigger requires some deliberate hand contortions . For my right hand , I found there is a nub from the pivot for the slide lock that sticks out just above the trigger guard . Putting my finger on it lets me know that it 's not on the trigger . For my left hand there is the end of the slide lock itself , not as prominent as the nub , but it 's something . We 'll see how well this lesson sticks . Hitting that rock was the high point of my left handed shooting . I emptied the rest of the clip at a foot square target about 30 feet away and only managed to hit it twice . I am much better with my right hand . Jack 's scope mount wasn 't quite straight . He inserted a copper shim under the left side of the front scope mounting clamp and that brought it around . Next time we will try for a longer distance . Jack 's target was marked off in one inch squares . A note on the bottom of the target claimed that these squares corresponded to one minute of arc at 100 yards . I just checked , and it does . 1 . 0047 inches , to be precise . Using the metric system , one minute of arc at a distance of 100 meters comes out to 29 millimeters , a nice round number if there ever wasn 't . Another Victory for English measurements ! Somebody 's chewing up old railroad cars near Timber . Can 't imagine why they are doing this way out in the middle of nowhere . Why not just roll the old cars directly to the scrapyard ? Hiring a locomotive to move them costs too much ? No locos available ? I remember a scene from a movie of a car driving through a freeway interchange . The view is from inside the car , a convertible with the top down . It was a sunny day and there was music playing on the radio . Periodically the music would stop for a second . At the time I thought it was just some wacko artistic technique , you know , a dramatic pause or something . Much later I realized the music was cutting out because it was coming from a satellite radio and every time the car went under an overpass , the signal was blocked and the music stopped . I thought this was the opening scene from a James Bond movie , but I haven 't been able to pin it down , so maybe it 's not . Broke down and bought a new battery for my truck today . Cleaning the terminals helped , but it didn 't cure the problem . If I let the truck sit for a day without driving it , then the next time I started it , it wouldn 't idle without my giving it some gas . A couple instances of this was enough to convince me it was time . Besides , the old battery was looking pretty grundgy . When I pulled the old battery out , I noticed this little round disk popping up in the center of the battery tray . What a weird thing . It seems to be loosely mounted on a spring . What the devil is it ? I pull on it and it comes right out dragging a couple of wires behind it . It must be a sensor of some type . All I can figure is that it is a temperature sensor to sense when the battery is overheating . What would cause that ? Overcharging ? A short ? Whatever , I stuffed it back in it 's hole and installed the new battery and we 're good . I hope . Anonymous has left a new comment on the post " HOW DO YOU MEASURE YOUR SELF - WORTH ? " : I just stumbled on your blog and I think it 's great . Everything you 're writing about has happened to me too so I 've got to believe that it isn 't you but rather it 's the men you 're to whom you 're attracted . I 'm the same way . . . I have typically been the type of person who quickly dismisses a guy when I don 't find him super attractive from the very beginning . However , I 'm learning that sometimes the guys we pass up rather quickly are the ones that treat us the best . Don 't get me wrong , I have not lowered my standards and do not date just anyone . However , I look to more than just looks now . I look for great conversation and a connection . I don 't know about you but after being with someone that shows me respect , doesn 't stand me up , stays true to his word and so many other great qualities I find myself becoming attracted after spending a bit of time with them . For instance the guy I 'm with now is not someone I typically would have dated in the past . I can 't begin to tell you how many times I would tell my girlfriends about things he would do that I found to be " strange . " Little things such as taking me to a paint class on one of our first dates ( none of the other guys I 've been out with have even suggested that ! ) and during that date he noticed paint about to drip on me and wiped it away so it wouldn 't get on my clothes . That swift move by him was so alien to me and I felt like all the other women were just staring at us ! After talking about it to my friends every single one of them thought it was the sweetest thing he could do . I had to do a lot of self talk to remind myself that I am worthy of someone who treats me this way . All the men I 've dated before were bastards . . . all treating me the same you 've described in your past blogs . I realize now that I allowed them to treat me that way . So how do I measure my self worth ? I measure it in how I allow others to treat me . I no longer am I immediately drawn to an attractive man . . . who by thePosted by * My initial firearms training years ago was done by my Daddy , who taught me to shoot one - handed . He said if you had to hold a gun with two hands , it was too much gun for you & that two - handed shooting was theatrical . Not saying he was right or wrong , but it works for me . Everything I 've ever seen recommends using both hands , mostly to improve your aim . I imagine you should be able to hold the gun steadier using two hands than just one . And then I saw this video . Maybe you 've noticed this . You have a car , or truck , or some vehicle that you use every day . You 've been using it for years and you realize it 's getting a little worn . It 's developed a few little quirks , but it still gets you where you want to go , so you keep driving it until one day a wheel falls off and you say " oh , poop " , or something similar and you finally break down and spend some money to get it fixed . And now after it 's been repaired you realize just how badly broken it was because your car drives like brand new now and you can 't believe how much smoother it is and you wonder why you didn 't get it fixed earlier . I knew this guy in Austin , Texas , many moons ago who had an old Ford pickup truck . It was probably old when he got it and then he put another million miles on it . It was really old : it had Twin I - Beam Front Suspension . Time went by and he finally started making some money so he went down to the tire store and bought two brand new tires for the front wheels of his truck . Boy , oh boy ! New tires ! Are we downtown or what ! He 's driving his truck home on the freeway going and he hits a bump . It was a pretty bad bump , like one slab of concrete had sunk a couple of ( three ? four ? six ? ) inches relative to the next one , so there was a lip clear across his lane . He hits that lip and both of the brand new front tires blow out . Needless to say he was a little ticked off . Had the truck towed back to the tire shop where they discover that the frame is sitting on the axles . The springs have completely collapsed , there is no movement in the suspension at all . The big question is why the old tires hadn 't blown out . All I figure is tha he knew they were old and worn and so he had been driving it very slowly and carefully and not on the freeway . When he got the new tires he thought he was in good shape , shoot , we can drive on the freeway now ! Via The View From Under The Desk . This sent me on a short wander . I had never heard of Heracleitus , so I had to look him up . Wikipedia 's intro gives a good summary , but then I found a website of philosophers with this : Heracleitus was one of the first to seek a universal explanation for nature and man 's role within it , an explanation not reliant on the gods . Like Parmenides , Heracleitus held that things are not as we perceive them . Unlike Parmenides , he conceives of a world of constant change and conflict . His is a world in which the interaction , the tension , of opposites , is a creative force . The only permanent feature of things is their constant becoming . This most famous part of his doctrine came to be encapsulated in the phrase " all things are flowing " . I 've been having a lot of trouble lately with Blogger setting the background behind some sections of text to white . Yes , I know this looks like black text on a white background , but the white is not really white , it 's some kind of off - white . My computer is infected with some kind of crap that causes all kinds of annoying little problems , like I can 't download anything using Firefox , and I suppose this could be another symptom of that disease . It 's just so weird though . It shows up in random places for no apparent reason . I suppose it could be some weird typo that I keep making , but why has it only started up in the last couple of weeks ? Misanthropes have some admirable if paradoxical virtues . It is no exaggeration to say that we are among the nicest people you are likely to meet . Because good manners build sturdy walls , our distaste for intimacy makes us exceedingly cordial ' ships that pass in the night ' . As long as you remain a stranger we will be your friend forever . Florence King I 'm not quite sure about this one . On one hand it makes a good kind of sense . On the other . . . I think manners are what allow us to deal with people we don 't like . Imagine if a fight broke out every time someone annoyed you ; our population would soon be decimated . And I 'm not sure a stranger can be a friend , though if you mind your manners , and I manage to mind mine , we should at least be able to get along . There 's that old saying that " good fences make good neighbors " , and I think it 's pretty valid . But I am not sure sturdy walls make good friends . I guess it depends on what you mean by " friend " . We had a vague idea of visiting Dinosaur National Monument on the way back , so we headed West out of Denver on Interstate 70 . It 's been a long time since I 've been on this road . My wife and I drove to Winter Park using this road 20 odd years ago , and Matt I drove to Los Angeles this way 40 odd years ago . Matt and I had a real good time . ( Can you believe it ? Blogger 's spell checker doesn 't like Los Angeles . ) Going up that first set of hills , trying to maintain speed while carrying a load of furniture , the truck had to work a bit . At one point I had the engine at redline , the throttle wide open and the transmission upshifted . Bang ! That was a little unnerving . I eased off a bit after that . There are three tunnels on I - 70 between Denver and Grand Junction . The first and longest is the Eisenhower Tunnel built in 1979 , so it wasn 't there when Matt & I made our trip to LA . Reading the Wikipedia article I discovered that there is a height restriction on this tunnel , which may explain why we saw so few trucks on this route . For a while I wondered if we were going to see any , but as time went by we saw a few . I used an old , paper , Gousha road atlas to navigate . It 's been sitting in my bookcase for umpteen years . It is dated 1985 , and we discovered no discrepancies between the map and the roads we traveled . That didn 't used to be the case , back when the Interstate Highway System was still under construction . The next morning we got off the Interstate at Loma and started up State Highway 139 toward Dinosaur . Loma is a fine town , full of streets with names like L 7 / 10 Road . We stopped for gas and donuts . Three other full - size pickup trucks , all hauling stuff , stopped for gas while we were there . The other drivers were all wearing Oakley sunglasses and blue - tooth earpieces . I was the odd man out with my compact truck , $ 2 sunglasses and a hand - held phone . Hostess mini - donuts , Squirt and hot dogs were staples of my diet on this trip . The Hostess man must have just been there , because the Hostess rack was overflowing with packages of mini - donuts . Guess I 'm not alone in my preference for road food . When we got to Dinosaur , we drove into the Monument using a road marked " No Fossils " . It seemed to take forever to drive all the way to the end , but only a few minutes to drive back out . It was about 15 miles one way , a mere nit in the overall scheme of things . We stopped at the Echo Park overlook . I used to be really impressed with these views , but now I look and I think how grim and forbidding it looks . Lots of rocks , no water or shade . Well , okay , there is a river at the bottom of the canyon , well , you hope there is anyway . You can 't see it from up here , and it 's a couple of thousand feet down . Be a hell of a hike to find out the river is dry . Just thinking about it is making me thirsty . Our next stop was a campground in the Flaming Gorge National Recreation Area . We grilled some hot dogs for lunch . The campground was way up above the lake . After that it was back on the Interstate . The next day the tarp decided to break loose and start flapping in the wind . We stopped 2 or 3 times to try and fix it before we finally pulled into a store in Wendell , Idaho , and bought 100 feet of cord and ran a zig - zag over the top . By coincidence I stopped for gas near Boise at the same place I stopped on the way out . Maybe that 's not so surprising being as there is only one gas station every six bajillion miles out here . When we crossed the border into Oregon gas prices jumped up 50 cents a gallon , and for some reason , the bugs really started flying . We had to stop every hour or so to clean the windshield , it was so bad . We considered stopping for another night , but by then we were in Pendleton , and shoot , we 're practially home , so we pushed on and got home around midnight . The next day we 're unpacking and I inspect the damage to the tarp . It was really big , so we had folded it over a bit to contain the excess . All that flapping in the breeze had worn a hole in it , and where was the hole ? In one corner , where it wouldn 't be a big problem ? No , because of the way it was folded it was right in the center . Driving back from Denver my route took me through Northwest Colorado . Going North on State Highway 139 towards Dinosaur National Monument I noticed what appeared to be a new railroad . It wasn 't hard to notice because other than sagebrush , a few cows and the occasional gas pipeline station , there wasn 't anything else out there . What 's more , it appeared to be an electric railroad . There were wires strung above the tracks just like for the local commuter train here in Portland . Well , that 's just downright bizarre . I didn 't see a train or even any cars , just this track . Why would someone build an electric railroad all the way out here in the middle of nowhere ? I finally got around to looking it up . It was built for one purpose only : to haul coal from the Deserado Mine northeast of Rangely , Colorado to the Bonanza Power Plant 35 miles away in Utah . The train is fairly short , only 44 cars . Right now the train makes one trip a day , five days a week , and that 's enough coal to keep the turbines spinning . Earth Bound Misfit posted a couple of pics today , so I thought I would see if I could match them up to their locations on a map . Google Maps has a placemark for Lakehurst Naval Air Engineering Station , but it is outside of the gray area that indicates the adjacent military base , so I went to Wikimapia to see if I could get any more information . Turns out Lakehurst NAS is just one part of the entire complex . So I 'm poking around with my mouse , just to see if I turn up anything interesting , and this pops up : A BOMARC nuclear air defense missile in ready storage condition ( permitting launch in two minutes ) was destroyed by explosion and fire after a high - pressure helium tank exploded and ruptured the missile 's fuel tanks . The warhead was also destroyed by the fire although the high explosive did not detonate . Nuclear safety devices acted as designed . Contamination was restricted to an area immediately beneath the weapon and an adjacent elongated area approximately 100 feet long , caused by drainoff of firefighting water . Regular readers may recall my interest in the Bomarc due to my father 's involvement , so you may understand why this piqued my interest . I like the way they mention that " the high explosive did not detonate " as if anyone would give a shit . The thing carries a nuclear bomb ! ( I am presuming they are referring to the high explosive used to detonate the nuclear " device " . ) Of course if the big bomb went off there would be no covering it up . Then there 's the bit about the " high - pressure helium tank " . Why would you even have such a thing ? What possible use could there be ? Are we blowing up balloons for the kiddies during show and tell ? A little more digging turns up this on Tails Through Time : The booster rocket of the missile used hypergolic fuels - red fuming nitric acid as an oxidant and aniline fuel that would spontaneously ignite when mixed . The fuels were stored on the missile for 90 days at a time . When a launch order was received , a helium tank on the missile would be pressurized to provide propellant tank pressurization for the booster rocket . It would take 15 seconds to pressurize the tank , during which time the Bomarc was raised to the vertical position for launch . At the end of each 90 day period , the missile would have to be defueled , decontaminated and then refueled . Pressurized helium would be used to empty the tanks to defuel them as well as in the refueling procedure . Hypergolic just means that the fuel and oxidizer spontaneously combust when they are combined . Using the word and then explaining it is redundant , and annoying when you don 't connect the two . " Red fuming nitric acid " ? Regular old nitric acid isn 't good enough , you need not just fuming acid , but red fuming acid ? And what 's this aniline fuel ? This one isn 't nearly so nasty , but it 's still not what you would call pleasant . An old science fiction story came to mind the other day . A group of astronauts had landed on Mars and discovered a series of what looked like stone igloos . They were in some sort of line stretching out for quite a distance . As you went along the line they got progressively bigger . Naturally , if you went the other way along the line they got progressively smaller until there was no evidence of any more . Each one these stone igloos was the same , except for each one being larger than it 's predecessor . Also , the top was broken out every one , and the inside was empty . Eventually they came to the last one in the line . It was not finished . They found that it was inhabited by a large , slow moving , lumpish creature . They determined that the creature basically existed by eating the dirt and excreting bricks , which it stacked in circle around it until there was no place to put any more bricks , whereupon it would marshall its ' forces , break out through the top of the igloo , move a few feet away and resume its ' normal eating and building routine . Sometimes I feel like that creature , living in my cave , putting up walls , keeping everyone out . Here I am , safe and secure in my suburban refuge . I wonder what it will take for me to bust out of here . Maybe building web sites will be the answer . Older son and I saw the original Indiana Jones movie this evening at the Hollywood Theater . The action is non - stop , the jokes are frequent and the story is captivating . It 's a great movie . There were a couple of odd things I noticed this time . One was a fly crawling on Belloq 's face ( Belloq is Indie 's nemesis ) . He didn 't react to it , and it seemed to appear out of nowhere and disappear the same way . A little poking around on the internet turned up this tidbit : When Belloq is yelling at Indy on the island from down in the canyon , you can see a fly crawling about his face . He doesn 't flinch , nor does he make any attempt to shoo it . It eventually ends up in his mouth , and he still doesn 't react . The actor actually ate the fly in order that there should not be another take , since they had shot that take many times already . Another odd thing was during the fight scene at the flying wing . Marian manages to get herself locked in the cockpit of the aircraft . In the next scene she is in a machine gun turret . Now in a conventional bomber , that is , an aircraft with a large diameter fuselage , moving from one position to another can be done as a matter of course . But this aircraft doesn 't appear to have any way to exit the cockpit besides through the canopy door . How did she do that ? Does it matter ? I mean , it 's an imaginary plane in a fictional adventure . That 's why we love Hollywood . The Hollywood Theater had obtained a new print of this film , which I imagine cost somebody a couple of bucks . One site claims a print runs on the order of $ 2 , 000 . I found one site that sells actual movie film , though it 's only 16mm , not the 35mm that the big boys use . Given their pricing I figure the film is going to cost more like $ 5 , 000 , and that 's just for the film . Making the print and developing is going to cost more . Of course it probably makes a big difference how many copies you are going to make . I can imagine a single copy costing $ 10 , 000 , whereas if you were going to make a thousand copies , it might be half that . No wonder they are trying to move to digital video recording and projection . Books , a toy , and more books . Could it be that passing the 250 pound mark triggered the arrival of the toy ? Funny , I know I 'm chubby , but I don 't feel like 250 pounds . I mean people who weigh 250 pounds are BIG . I 've got to do something about this . We used to watch the television series Law & Order . You may know there are several flavors : the straight up vanilla Law & Order , Law & Order : Special Victims Unit and , my favorite Law & Order : Criminal Intent with Goren and Eames . In these shows you generally start with a crime and then the cops interview several " persons of interest " . Some of these " persons " appear to be straight arrows , but there are usually a couple who give you some little indication that they are not quite on the up and up . Your mission , Jim , should you choose to accept it , is to figure out which one of these characters is the guilty party . Sometimes it is more obvious than others . Last fall we watched the series The Killing : Who Killed Rosie Larsen on Netflix . This is a little different . It starts with a crime , but we go through the entire season ( 13 episodes ! ) without finding out who dun it . The big difference though was the lack of clues . You see a character in one episode and they appear to honest , upright , law abiding citizens . Nothing in what they say or do , or how they say things gives you any indication that this is not the case . None of those subtle little indicators that we used to get in Law & Order . And then a little while later , maybe the same episode , maybe a later episode , you find out that they were lying through their teeth , so naturally you think they are guilty , but then even later you find out that whatever they were lying about has got nothing to do with case , or maybe it does . . . You see how this goes , they keep giving you clues , but never any proof . They just keep leaving you twisting in the wind . We started watched Damages with Glenn Close this week , and it 's following the same format as The Killing , one crime and then endless complications . In episode 6 Glenn Close has a bit of advice for her young protege which is " don 't trust anybody " . That would be good advice for the audience as well . Who knows what kind of switch - a - roos the writers are going to pull ? Both Glenn Close 's character and Ted Danson 's character both start out as being good guys , but in short order are shown to be manipulative shit - heads . Looks like the fiance might be scumbag as well , but maybe not , maybe the other woman is crazy , or a hired assassin or maybe she is his long lost step sister from the war . Stay tuned for tomorrow 's episode ! I cleaned the battery terminals on my truck today . First time I have done that since I don 't know when . When I was a kid it was one of those fix - or - repair - daily kinda chores : buy a dollar 's worth of gas , check the oil ( it was always low ) , and scrape the crude off the battery terminals . The truck is 13 years old and on its ' third battery . Back in olden times batteries died slow lingering deaths , kind of like cancer . You could do things to prolong their life like add water , put them on the charger , clean the terminals , or even replace the cable ends . But about 20 years ago or so something changed and a battery 's demise became a matter of sudden death , like a heart attack . One moment it 's fine and the next time you get in and turn the key it 's dead . You can play around , get a jump , charge it , go through the motions , but it 's not going to help . Face it , Jim , it 's dead . Money might have something to do with it as well . Back in the good old days a battery cost a couple of days wages , so if you could get even another week or two out of a battery that was significant . Nowadays a battery costs , hmmm , well , they still cost a chunk of change , but it 's more like half a day 's wages . Or maybe it 's just that I spent so much time fiddling with batteries that I just don 't care any more . It 's dead , Jim , get a new one . Yesterday my truck was acting cranky . Normally you turn the key , the starter turns the engine over and it starts pretty much instantly . Yesterday it was cranking kind of slow and it actually took a couple of seconds to catch . Today was even worse . I had to give it some gas and keep the RPM 's up around two grand to keep it running . This isn 't right . Last time I had the hood open ( when I got back from Denver I thought I should probably check the oil . 110K miles and the oil level is fine . I was shocked ) I noticed that there was a bunch of corrosion around the positive battery terminal . Well , perhaps time has finally caught up with it . So I cleaned the terminals and drove to Cornelius to drop off a load of old computer stuff and now it seems fine . See , when the U . S . went to the to Moon , we could ground our electrical equipment and everything was tickety - boo . But the Brits ? . . . Let me put it as nicely as I can : on this planet , British electronic gear has to be Earthed . Yes , I realize it 's not really a sticker , it was painted on the back of a dump truck that belongs to a paving company . I like the sentiment . Maybe it should be a bumper sticker . This was on a card that came in the mail the other day . It 's from Obama and the Democrats . I 'm trying to figure out what they are trying to say . Who is making progress ? Who is stopping progress ? Who is " they " ? The Democrats ? Or the Republicans ? I 'm so confused . I don 't like the sound of that law , " dealing while in possession of a handgun " . I would rather see a law against " dealing while brandishing a weapon " . If the perp hadn 't pulled a weapon , it wasn 't part of the crime . Just like having a checkbook and pen on you doesn 't make you guilty of trying to write bad checks . Even if you have a whole carton of " mightier than the sword " pen ink refills in the back seat , in plain sight . - Brad K . in a comment on Tam 's blog . " . . . a whole carton of refills . . . " . OMG ! Did you see what he had in the back seat of his car ! He 's got enough ink to write a friggin ' book ! Run and hide ! He might write something , er , subversive , er , seditious , er , bad ! Presupposing of course that dealing is a crime . Well , dealing in certain prohibited substances is . You could argue that it shouldn 't be a crime , but you 'll have a long row to hoe to convince enough people to get that changed . Being as it is illegal is one good reason to carry a gun , I mean if someone tries to steal your stock , who are you going to complain to ? The police ? Your local capo , maybe , if you have one , but it 's more likely he 'll blame you for allowing yourself to get ripped off because you weren 't carrying a gun . If dealing in these substances wasn 't prohibited , he would have no more reason to carry a gun than , say , your average wrong - side - of - the - tracks convenience store owner . I knew a guy in Texas who spent several years working for the government because of a similar incident ( carrying a gun while dealing , not being a corrections officer while dealing ) . He eventually straightened up and flew right , but then he was a little smarter than the average bear . In his case he might have avoided indentured servitude if he hadn 't been carrying . Might have gotten ripped off , but that 's generally better than going away . Best Korean movie of 2011 . Set during the 2nd Manchu invasion of Korea in 1636 . Excellent . I , for one , am glad to see more archery in warfare and less sword fighting . Hollywood likes swordfights for their action and drama . They are thrilling , but they are basically stupid . Remember Agincourt ? ( Okay , you weren 't there , but you have heard of it , right ? If not , go read . ) Remember the black cloud of arrows in 300 ? And our plucky heroine in The Hunger Games ? Some of the drama was a little much , but then I suppose it is an adequate stand - in for Korean incompetence during the invasion . I mean , criminently , the enemy is at the gates and everyone is standing around wondering what to do ? With that kind of discipline they deserve to be enslaved . The best parts are the running bowfights . There is one where we have a bunch of baddies chasing our hero through a forest . Straight , tall trees , minimal undergrowth , so there is no impediment to running , but with all the trees and everyone running , it is extremely difficult to get a clear shot . There is another where our hero has managed to jump a chasm , but the baddies have him pined down behind a rock . They cannot cross without exposing themselves to his shots , but he cannot shoot without exposing himself to theirs . But it takes time to knock another arrow after making a shot , so there is a brief window of opportunity after a fusillade where you can return fire . I am not sure of the historical accuracy of some of the armor these guys were wearing . Chain mail in the 1600 's in Korea ? Could be , I suppose , and somebody went nuts with the brass studding , but hey , it could have been that way . Some of the close ups of archery techniques struck me as Hollywood - ish . I don 't think there is any reason to twist the arrow and the bowstring once you have the bow at full draw , or pull a bit of the bowstring below the arrow another inch or two back , unless you want to show how impossibly strong your fingers are . I guess you have to give the movie makers some license , they did do a hell of job overall . There was the " half - pounder " , a chisel tipped arrow that weighed a half pound . I think the translation got a bit garbled here , probably doesn 't weigh more than a couple of ounces . A fearsome missile in any case , if your were close enough to shoot it . There was also the whistling arrow , used to communicate on the battlefield . That was new to me . Walter Tschinkel may not have solved the mystery of the fairy circles , but he can tell you that they 're alive . Tens of thousands of the formations - bare patches of soil , 2 to 12 meters in diameter - freckle grasslands from southern Angola to northern South Africa , their perimeters often marked by a tall fringe of grass . Locals say they 're the footprints of the gods . Scientists have thrown their hands up in the air . But now Tschinkel , a biologist at Florida State University in Tallahassee , has discovered something no one else has . That doesn 't look like grass , that looks like sand . I poke around for a bit and I find some scrub brush , but I don 't find anything that looks like grass , so I complain to the author , who promptly replies with this useful tip : " zoom down to about 300 m eye altitude " . Could that really be ? But I do as I am bid , and the " fairy circles " do indeed appear : Looks like someone has finally taken my advice and gotten serious about going to the stars . DARPA ( US Defense Advanced Research Project Agency ) has awarded a half million dollar grant to an outfit in the UK to figure out how to do it . They are looking at a 100 year timeline . Via Graham Hancock . From I Love effing Science . ( I 'm sorry , I still think curse words are for anger , or at least irritation , not just for emphasis , at least not in public . ) Anyway , what 's with the lights between Norway and Great Britain ? Are those all oil rigs ? Or aliens ? Google shows nothing . Wikipedia shows how the North Sea oil has been carved up : Be careful about being penny wise and pound foolish . If you can get an ounce of gold for $ 100 , don 't refuse it because they make you pay $ 100 for the shopping bag . Another way of putting it : don 't turn down a tenfold increase in revenue just because you have to take a 1 % increase in taxes ( Grover Norquist , I 'm looking in your direction ) . Then I came across this quote by Keynes ( arguing for stimulus programs ) : " The engine which drives Enterprise is not thrift , but profit . Were the seven wonders of the world built by thrift ? I doubt it . " Now I still believe in thrift but it is a secondary issue of wealth management , not a driver of wealth creation . I guess the best strategy is to invest yourself into a wealth - creating activities or environments , then practice thrift within that context . End of transmission . Romney , Obama - - they 're different faces of the same guy . Oh , their masks wear different shades of lip gloss but they 're both gleefully shoveling tomorrow 's babies into the fire to fuel the engines of bread , circuses and power for the sake of power and they don 't realize - - or care - - how near the precipice they dance or how far the fall will be , just as long as they can keep on keepin ' on . After all , the Feds have been dancing on the brink for a long , long time , and they 've never fallen over it yet . Never , ever happen , right up unti - - Whups ! - Roberta X Tam points at Miss D , and Miss D points at Toomas Hendrik Ilves , President of Estonia . I tried to read Mr . Hendrik 's essay , but it is a little long , and I gave up near the end . I think I got the gist of it . Times , they are a changin ' . P . S . I 'm reading more of On a Wind and a Whim and Miss D mentions Smyrna . That name sounds familiar , where have I heard it before ? Miss D is talking about Smyrna , Tennessee , but there is also a Smyrna , Turkey , now called Izmir .
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December 31 , 2015Q1 - - fixed answers vs aliveness , Q2 - - daring to be human , Q3 - - open to beauty , Q4 - - Next ? , Q5 - - new creationDiscovery , inspiration , Lyric Series , music , writingHelen A year ago I visited the beach after reading Parker Palmer 's Five Questions . I had this idea to write a blog based on the Five Questions , and I went to the beach for discernment . It was there I felt the move to do the blog . This past week I have been looking forward to getting this done . But then today , coming on to the site , going to click " Add Post , " I was overcome with sadness . It is the end . There are many things I will miss about writing here every day . It was hard at first to be " out there , " but I have gotten used to it . I have appreciated my followers and the comments I have received . I have loved that this was a place I could struggle with the issues of aliveness - vs - fixed answers ; what it means to dare to be human ; the moments of human and natural beauty ; looking forward to what to love next ; and to uncover and discover and explore what creations are waiting to be birthed . The Five Questions will continue to travel with me , as they have become a part of me now . A New York City subway train holds 1 , 200 people . This blog was viewed about 4 , 000 times in 2015 . If it were a NYC subway train , it would take about 3 trips to carry that many people . The stats don 't tell the full story , of course . Besides what I have learned from the Five Questions , I have learned a lot about what it takes to write every single day . For those thinking of starting your own daily blog , here are some insights : Don 't be afraid to write short . At first I thought it all had to be long . It is impossible on a daily blog to write long all the time unless it is your only job . Don 't even try . Create categories to fall back on . For example , I had my Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life , Parallels , Tributes , Lyric Series , and Micro Memoirs . These can help be having a frame to fill when you aren 't feeling particularly inspired . Know that whatever you decide to do with your daily blog , it is leading you somewhere you weren 't aware you were going . Words are a river that carry us . Your blog will carry you to unseen territory . Relish the journey . Know when to end , and gratefully disembark to a new destination . This project has been extremely fulfilling to me as a writer , a teacher , a friend , and a human being . I have considered all kinds of directions from here . I am committing myself to my music on a more structured basis . Just like with my writing , I 've diddled around a long time not getting serious about music . Now that I have this fine year of blogging behind me , I can move forward on making music . And , as already discussed with my music teacher , I can use blog posts as fodder for songwriting . Win - win ! ! ! For some reason today , the song " Beautiful Like You " popped into my head . I feel it is a good send - off for my blog . I will miss coming here and writing for the 2 - 100 of you who happen upon my blog . At the same time , I am looking forward to putting my time and mental energies into other areas . Meanwhile , remember to breathe and take time to look and listen to the world around you . It will reflect all the beauty you need in the moment . Toastmasters International is a member - run organization that focuses on self - improvement through public speaking and its related activities . Local groups are formed and run by ordinary , every day people . Leaders are chosen by the clubs and everything related to club matters is done by the members . I belonged to a group called the Nordonia Gaveliers . I joined Toastmasters because I had enjoyed debate and oratory when I learned it in middle school , and I knew I had an interest in that area . But the big reason I joined was because I was a business owner and felt that if I had to do any presentations , I needed to know what I was doing . In fact , I had given such a presentation to a Women 's Networking group and had an epic fail that really burned . Even after that , it still took me two years to get up the nerve to join . Besides being a big time commitment with weekly meetings , I was really going to take a big risk to get up in front of a group again . Nearly every Monday night for ten years , I attended a Toastmasters meeting . These meetings consisted of three " official " parts - Table Topics , Speeches , and Evaluations . Table Topics enables members to practice speaking " off - the - cuff " about a topic they are given . The speeches are scheduled , planned , and practiced before being given . They follow a series of manuals that explain the elements needed in the speech , and a series of questions the evaluator uses to analyze how the speaker did on their speech . I participated fully in the program . After my first 10 speeches in the " Communication and Leadership " manual , I was off and running into other specialized areas , including Storytelling , Special Occasion speeches , and Humor . It gave me a way to set goals , and continue to grow as a speaker . Toastmasters is highly responsible for my ability to write in a way that is clear and concise . When giving a speech , everything needs to be clear so the audience can easily follow along . I learned how to write my speeches vocally - rarely writing anything but a few key words down - which served me well for the speeches . However , it didn 't help me with the discipline of actually writing . When I started college , I knew it was time to start putting things on paper . I guess the one thing I am sorry about is that I didn 't keep any notes . The dozens and dozens of speeches I gave to Toastmasters are lost in time . There is no record . Toastmasters taught me the importance of Roberts Rules of Order . It taught me how to deal with people when they are the most vulnerable . It taught me how to listen , as well as the importance of listening , and how nothing happens unless we listen well . I found the most instructive part of the Toastmasters experience for me was learning how to evaluate others . Add to that , learn how to take evaluation . The idea of " constructive criticism " doesn 't set well with me , as the word criticism indicates negativity . In Toastmasters we learn how to evaluate fairly , always with an eye on those couple of things that could be improved . I also learned how to not be defensive about anything I said or did in a speech . I made my choices , and I took feedback for what it was - feedback . This has served me well in many situations in my life since then . During my years with the club , I spent nearly five years as Vice President of Education , and a year as President . The club members waxed and waned , and yet a core group of us stood firm and kept things going . I never regretted any of the time I spent at Toastmasters because it gave more energy back than it required . I know that our club had some special elements to it that helped , and I 'm grateful for that . Of course that big part about being with a group like this is that we are all in it to win it . We all want to do well , and help each other do well . It isn 't a competition . I met my friend Iris because of Toastmasters . She was trying to get a club started in her community , so began to come to our club for inspiration . I also become lifelong friend with Stacy , who now lives in Safety Harbor , Florida . Our club had a cool " wings and beer " event after every meeting , which helped us form our bonds much closer . One of the places we frequented for a few years was called Angie 's . It had a bar with a bowling machine and a jukebox . I cannot hear " Love Shack " or " Atomic Dog " without thinking of my Toastmasters buddies , as we drank beer , played the bowling machine , and danced around the bar . It was a perfect way to unwind on a Monday night . My club rallied around me when I had my cancer scare . Many of us liked to golf , so they pulled together a golf outing in my honor a week before I had surgery . There is so much more I can say about the relationships I built through Toastmasters , and how these people influenced me in a million ways . This blog just isn 't big enough for all of it . Without a doubt , my connections in Toastmasters increased the likelihood that I would find my calling as a teacher . And once I did , it was a Toastmaster that helped open doors for me . Dave was a middle school principal , and he hired me to run a weekly leadership group of 8th graders to teach them public speaking . This was a wonderful opportunity for me , and helped me grow in additional aspects of the program . Working with young people was quite different than adults ! The group even came to our club to share the speeches they wrote for their 8th grade graduation . It was a super special night . In addition , Dave put me in touch with a 7th grade Language Arts teacher , Judy Wilfong . Judy and I wrote grants so I could bring storytelling units to her classes . We were successful in securing grants twice to make this happen . What was cool was that Southeast Middle was connected to the elementary school , which made it easy for the kids to perform their stories for the younger grades . All of these experiences led me to my teaching career and helped me firmly plant my feet into it . In the time I was a Toastmaster I went from business owner to a college student . Without a doubt , the love and support from those in my club helped me immensely in this direction . I simply cannot measure what those years have given me . December 26 , 2015Q5 - - new creationbooks , Creativity , Encyclopedia , friendship , inspirationHelen Twenty - one years ago to this day , I began a journey that would be something that would have a profound impact on me . It was the WAY - The Artist 's Way - a book by Julia Cameron that started me on a path of understanding the true nature of creativity . This is my " W " in the Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life . The Artist 's Way is a twelve week program that helped me discover my creative self . It consists of some basic tools and then twelve weeks of exercises that help us , what Cameron calls , recover a " sense " of something lost - Safety , Identity , Power , Integrity , Possibility , Abundance , Connection , Strength , Compassion , Self - Protection , Autonomy , and Faith . It is based on her belief that there is a Great Creator who works through us , and our job is just to put the footwork in and the rest will follow . Throughout the winter of 94 - 95 , I found myself deeply involved in doing the exercises as precisely as I could to get the maximum benefit . I remember going out of my way to find different kinds of workshops to take - like maskmaking - and buying things I ordinarily wouldn 't buy and using , such as watercolor pencils . As I worked through the process , I discovered so much about myself that had been hidden . This included acknowledging harm to my inner artist as well as uncovering the blocks that I put up to her . I have a notebook just dedicated to what I wrote during that first time through . I subsequently put myself through the program again , I think two different times . But nothing has ever had the impact as that first year . There were many things going on in my life at the time , and this work grounded me and brought me a sense of myself I did not have before . That sense has never left me . A couple of years after I completed TAW ( as it is called by veterans of the program ) , the internet came into vogue . I was on America Online , and found an online community for TAW . From that message board I became friends with two people locally - Carol in Akron and LuAnn in Bainbridge . I am still friends with these ladies today . There were others as well , and I recall in September 1997 we all got together for lunch . The TAW group from all around the country supported me throughout my surgery , sending me messages which I printed out and had in a book in the hospital , as well as painting their toenails purple as a show of solidarity for me through the cancer scare . I felt their love and support and prayers from afar . It was miraculous . What I learned was that once you remove the blocks to your creativity , anything is possible . In the Introduction to the book , Cameron says the main things to learn are : Get out of the way . Let it work through you . Accumulate pages , not judgments . This put into practice consistently in the many years since has made me a believer . Cameron believes creativity is a spiritual experience . Given what I have witnessed in my own life , I would say it is mighty fine religion . I am grateful that this book exists . It always makes a list of the top books that changed me and changed my life . In her Basic Principles on page 3 , Cameron says " As we open our creative channel to the creator , many gentle and powerful changes are to be expected . " Rereading that just now helped me see that putting myself through this program twenty - one years ago was opening up a channel . I cannot describe any direct , earth - shattering event that happened as a result . What I can say is that once the channel opened , it has never closed . And that has been the best gift of all . I 'm walking on the trail in the Cuyahoga National Valley on a muggy summer weekday . As I walk , I feel " lifted " out of my body . Everything around me looks alive and moving ever so slightly . Then I saw her . A woman , well advanced in age ( what we might call a crone ) , sitting on a rock in the woods with children gathered around her . She has gray hair , pulled back . She is wearing a long skirt . The children are apt with attention . I have no idea who this woman is , but I see her clearly . Then she 's gone . I have decided I want to learn an instrument , my first choice being a mandolin . My husband Jim suggests I start with a guitar . We walk into Sam Ash Music Store and start looking at the Martin guitars . The salesman takes one down , and I practice strumming it . For a few minutes Jim and the salesman walk away , leaving me alone with the guitar . I am in love with the sound it makes . Then I see her . A woman on a high stool , singing songs about mythology to a small audience . I can see her right there in the store , and this time I know that somehow she is me . I am not sure if I have ever had any other " visions " because these are the two that were most meaningful to me . I was in an incredibly interesting time in my life - my late 30 's to early 40 's . In the next few days I will be sharing a lot of what happened during that time , the things that really drove me , and led me to the life I lead today . I have not yet turned my guitar into a vehicle for songwriting , but feel that day is near . I am not yet the crone with the children gather around , but I do think of this vision whenever I think of giving up teaching . Somehow I am meant to be a teacher and somehow I am to make this vision become a reality in full . When I first saw this vision , I didn 't even know I was going to become a teacher . That wouldn 't be revealed until three years later . On this particular Saturday I had picked up the Davis CD at a good sale price . I had no idea if I would like it - I had just heard many times that it was very good . It was twilight , and I took a glass of wine and decided just to sit in my upstairs room alone and listen to the music , while I watched the changing light out my window . I cannot really explain what happened . I 've often likened it to a religious experience . This jazz music , created in 1959 , moved me deeply . But not in a way I can put my finger on . All I know is that when it was done , something had moved inside of me . Then last weekend I was talking to my music teacher , Tom , about writing songs . We discussed writing music and writing lyrics , the processes involved . Then he mentioned Kind of Blue . " Those songs don 't need lyrics , " he said . " It is all said in the harmonics and melodies of the music . " Tom had named what I had been unable to verbalize . I was so stunned by what he said , I couldn 't even respond . That was what I had experienced . It is in the music . Words are not needed . Somehow , during that Twilight Wine evening fifteen years ago , I heard all I needed to hear come through the currents and rhythms of a master and his band . When I said it was like a religious experience it is because it spoke to me on a level that I did not have direct access to . Trying to paint any fancy words on the experience diminishes it somehow . I watched this video this morning . It is graphic and challenging . It is all I have to say today . Take ten and watch this video . Please . November 29 , 2015Q5 - - new creationfriendship , inspiration , Nature , Poetry , teaching , writingHelen Today is the anniversary of the day I opened up to a new adventure in my life . It wouldn 't be until about a month later that I actually accepted the idea into my heart . November 29 , 1997 still lives vibrantly in my mind . I wrote an essay about it in 2004 and it was published in a book called Sacred Waters in 2005 . Here is my essay to commemorate that day : I strolled along , kicking the leaves , taking in familiar sights and sounds . The trees were bare and the leaves were ankle - deep on the ground , pungent with the woodsy smell of rot as they returned to earth . In the distance , I heard the honking of wild geese as they migrated to a brighter place for the winter . I had only more gray days to look forward to , more cold , and probably plenty of snow . At the end of the woods sat a lake surrounded by trees and picnic tables . My usual course was to walk right past the lake and straight to my car , drive home , and record in my journal what had transpired on my walk : usually a message from within , a creative thought , or a course of action I might want to take . On this Saturday , despite the cold , I found myself sauntering over to a table alongside the lake . This was a solitary act if I ever knew one . I was certain I could figure it out , even though I had only a vague idea of what it might look like . I was convinced that whatever it was would come to me in a blinding flash , so I just had to wait for that moment . The wide expanse of lake reflecting the somber skies seemed to match the murkiness I felt about my own direction . I spent nearly an hour by Longwood Lake that day , coming to no conclusions about anything . Once home , I dutifully recorded my encounter with the geese , then promptly forgot about it as I got on with my day . I was a member of a local club and had some phone calls to make to members . One person I called , a friend named David , was home , and we got into a conversation on career matters . Yet , David 's suggestion didn 't leave me . For a month , I struggled with it , fought with myself over it , and loudly cursed him in the dark for mentioning it . Something under the surface was rising , something I could no longer deny . I honestly don 't know what drew me to the lake - I don 't even remember deciding to go there . I shut off the car and made my way through the falling snow to a wooden fishing pier . I climbed the stairs slowly , methodically , marking my way in the snow . With one swift stroke , David had broken through that ice . I had spent a lot of energy trying to fix the hole he made , instead of looking at what was seeping up to the surface . In a moment of surrender , with swirling snowflakes surrounding me , I softly said , " Yes . " I live in Southwest Florida now . No wild geese visit me here . Instead , I am graced with great blue herons , snowy egrets , bald eagles , and common moorhens , all of whom come to the water for nourishment . Nearly seven years have passed since those days by Longwood Lake . Like the geese , I have found a warmer climate , a place that deeply nourishes my spirit . I have also found much more . November 27 , 2015Q5 - - new creationBuddhism , Nature , photography , Power Spot , teachingHelen I have been consumed with creative planning . Today was Day Number Three of my break obsessively working on units for my students . I am having a blast doing it - finding all the pieces that continue to connect together . But part of me knows I have got to get on to other things . I need to walk . I need to read that awesome book I started , The Invention of Wings . And I desperately need to practice my music , which has been languishing all month . I happened to take a look at my Facebook feed around 10 : 30 and saw a post from Buddhist leader Joan Halifax . She had several suggestions for things to do on Black Friday . One was to " forest bathe . " Immediately , I put away all my planning tools . I made a list of what I want to do the rest of the day that has NOTHING to do with school , and I went to Lakes Park to bathe in the forest . But what happened was unexpected . In 1996 , I was blessed to take a workshop with Danaan Perry called " Warriors of the Heart . " He has a book of the same name , which I have on my shelf and refer to quite often . I cannot even begin to explain what an influence this man had on me - perhaps I will try in another blog . But one thing he taught me is that we all need a Power Spot . The definition of a Power Spot , according to his book : Your Power Spot is a place in nature where you can relatively easily tap back into your Aloneness . It 's a natural setting that holds for you the qualities of calm , quiet , earthy , grounded , centered . It is for you only . I have had several Power Spots over the year . They seem to come to me when I have a decision to make . In early 2013 , I used to visit a Power Spot I had found at Lakes Park . It was close to the path , but was behind some brush where no one could see me . It was a limestone rock that was fairly comfortable , and it overlooked two fountains on the lake that often sported rainbows , as well as a rookery across the way . This Power Spot was instrumental in helping me make the changes in my life I made that spring , which began with a dream I had after I found the Power Spot . I continued to visit it , often writing on the notepad in my cell phone my thoughts while I was there . When I arrived at Lakes today , I started walking the paved path around the lake to the woods . I noticed a mound that was covered with what I like to think of as Ft . Myers snow - little white flowers that appear this time of year : This piece of land called to me , and I started to walk up to the top with the intention of plopping myself down when I got there . Instead , I looked down and saw a mighty nice sitting rock . I went down and found the most comfortable way to sit on this piece of limestone , and knew in an instant I had found my new Power Spot . I wasn 't even looking , but here I was , looking out across the lake , perfectly secluded from all the people walking and biking the path and visiting the Farmer 's Market . It was a beautiful feeling . I sat for just a bit , and then walked on , knowing I would return . And right afterward , a couple pieces of the puzzle on the units I was planning came together . Just like that . And now I know there is no more planning to do - I found the questions that are the driving force in the units . The rest will come in time . I walked on into the woods , visited along the journey by two Zebra Longwings . I walked off the path for a while and said a prayer . I heard some sirens in the distance I was in the woods , and said a prayer for whoever was involved . When I left , Gladiolus Drive was all backed up . There was a five car crash that had happened while I was at the park . I said another prayer for those involved , and came home to share my story . This is another spin - off from the Sanibel Island Writing Conference . I used a process from Nick Flynn 's book A Note Slipped Under the Door . In fact , the poem by that title ( by Charles Simic ) is the mentor poem for this . I first was inspired today by the Rumi poem on A Year of Being Here website . I took one of the lines and thought I 'd write from there . I wrote this : So I decided to find some images . The rest of this process is from Nick 's book . I used it this week with my 8th grades as their final exam for our One Book , One School novel with wonderful results . Trail Brazin ' friends - my sister writers - Happy Thanksgiving from the depths of everything you have helped me to become over the last 30 months . I am grateful for every moment we have spent together , and look forward to all that is to come because of our relationship . You have helped me find the joy my heart desired .
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As part of the Avalanche 's 20th anniversary season , the team is paying tribute to Colorado 's hockey history at the Saturday night game against Columbus . That will include a salute to the Colorado Rockies , the city 's first NHL franchise and tenants at McNichols Sports Arena from 1976 - 82 . Among the former Rockies scheduled to appear , sign autographs before the game and be feted are Hall of Fame winger Lanny McDonald , above ; plus Barry Beck , the fearsome defenseman who won the Calder Trophy in 1978 ; one - time captain Wilf Paiement ; Ron Delorme , Randy Pierce , Gary Croteau , and Mike Christie . My involvement began in 1977 , when I had been at the Denver Post for less than a year . I was assigned to cover the Rockies , taking over the beat for the team 's second season in Denver . What follows - my recollections of Rocky Hockey , adapted from a chapter in " Playing Piano in a Brothel " - barely scratches the surface . The Rockies only made the playoffs once , the most games they won in a single season was 22 , and they went through three ownerships and virtually from start to finish seemed to be in danger of folding or moving . The locker - room door was revolving , but some fine players and good guys passed through , and were often traded for each other . Jack Vickers as Rockies ' ownerJack Vickers , who went on to gain greater recognition in the sporting world as the patriarch of The International golf tournament , had purchased the NHL 's Kansas City Scouts in 1976 and moved them to Denver . Only two seasons old when it came to Colorado , the franchise had been under - capitalized and ineptly run as an expansion franchise in Kansas City . I truly believe the franchise would have had a better chance as a start - from - scratch expansion team , because the Scouts dug a hole and expectations would have been lower for a team implementing a patient building strategy , as a few previous NHL expansion franchises had done . Regardless , Vickers quickly realized that Denver wasn 't going to fill McNichols Sports Arena just because it was the NHL . Putting together an entertaining stretch run and beginning to capture the attention of the market in my first season on the beat , the Rockies ( 19 - 40 - 21 ) sneaked into the 1978 playoffs as the 12th and final qualifier in the 17 - team league , lost to the Philadelphia Flyers in an entertaining two - game mini - series in the first round , sold out the home game , and seemed to kindle hope for the future . But Vickers undercut the momentum during the series by publicly bemoaning the team 's lease terms with the city . Soon , Vickers agreed to sell the Rockies to New Jersey trucking company operator Arthur Imperatore . At the news conference announcing the sale at Mayor Bill McNichols ' office , Imperatore said he was hoping to operate the team in Denver until the new arena was open in the New Jersey Meadowlands complex and then to gain approval to move it to East Rutherford . Standing next to Vickers , Imperatore told us : " I 'm buying the team with the expectation of bringing it into my home area , which is New Jersey . I was born there , grew up there , and became a hockey nut there . " I even stood on a chair to ask whether they really expected Colorado fans to support a lame - duck franchise , and the fact that Imperatore was genuinely surprised at the impudence of the question indicated to me that nobody involved in all of this had completely leveled with him . I sincerely admired how open he was , but it was incredible that it had gotten to this point without someone at the NHL saying , " Uh , fellas , that won 't work . " Sure enough , the NHL quickly made it clear it wouldn 't commit the Meadowlands to Imperatore . It was planning to award New Jersey as an expansion market . Imperatore went through with the purchase of the team and put his stepson , Armand Pohan , in charge . Pohan was brilliant , and one of the reasons I liked him was that he pretty much admitted that he and his stepfather had been naive when they bought the team . They tried to make the best of it ; they really did , in part because to do otherwise would have been financial lunacy . Second - year coach Pat Kelly ( he went on to re - found the East Coast Hockey League , and its trophy is named after him ) was fired during that 1978 - 79 season and affable team executive Aldo Guidolin finished it out as the interim coach . The record was an abysmal 15 - 53 - 12 , erasing all the momentum of the previous season 's playoff berth . Arthur Imperatore , Armand Pohan , and general manager Ray Miron decided they needed to do something dramatic . In later years , Cherry - " Grapes " - went from well - known as a coach to legendary as a broadcaster . A fixture on Hockey Night in Canada 's " Coach 's Corner , " the bombastic Cherry spouted off , in both loud voice and loud suits and sport coats . His " Rock ' Em Sock ' Em " videos are huge sellers in Canada . He 's a watchdog for old - fashioned , old school Canadian hockey values and is variously revered or ridiculed for his reluctance - no , his refusal to evolve with the game and the times . His fame is international and his influence immense . None of this might have happened if his stint with the Rockies had gone better . I enjoyed covering him , and I have to say that he was a beat writer 's dream . Cherry had just left Boston , where he and general manager Harry Sinden had a venomous relationship that led to Cherry 's exit after a semifinal round playoff loss to Montreal - one that included a too - many - men - on - the - ice penalty on the Bruins in the final two minutes of regulation in the deciding Game 7 . The Bruins were ahead by a goal at the time , but the Canadiens tied it up on a power play and won the game in overtime . Regardless , Cherry 's record at Boston was impressive . The belief that the players universally loved him was misleading . Those who were among his favorites indeed embraced him - in fact to a degree I never had seen before nor have seen since in covering major - league sports . Those on his bad side bit their tongues and played on . He got into coaching by accident . After a journeyman 's career in the minor leagues - he got into one playoff game with the Bruins in 1955 - he tried his hand at construction . " My specialty was the jackhammer , " he told me . " I liked it . It was a good honest job . But I got laid off in the recession there , and I couldn 't find any other job . I tried selling cars , but in my estimation , I was the world 's worst car salesman . " " People on welfare were getting more than minor league hockey players in those days , " he said . " I was getting $ 4 , 500 for nine years . And in the 10th year , they cut me to $ 4 , 200 . " " Halfway through that season , the coach and general manager bailed out because the team had such a rotten record , " Cherry said . " That 's why they made me the coach . I didn 't get a raise in pay or anything . The next year , I was the general manager and coach . We took all the players no one else wanted and then made playoffs . The next year , we were the only independent team in hockey , and we finished first . " The Bruins hired Cherry in June 1974 . In five seasons , he was the NHL 's coach of the year once and got the Bruins to the Stanley Cup finals twice , and the Bruins lost to the Canadiens both times . His accessibility and shoot - from - the - hip style increased his popularity . " It seems like I served my apprenticeship in the minors as a general manager and coach , " said Cherry . " As a general manager , I had to give good press . I really worked at it . The easiest thing about coaching is to coach and then go home . That way , there might be no pressure on you - not as much , anyway . Let 's face it : I 've made a lot of enemies . I 've said a lot of things . I 've gotten myself in a lot of hot water . But I don 't regret any of it . " He brought his beloved wife , Rose , and his famous white pit bull terrier , Blue , a gift from the Bruins ' players , with him to Denver . He also came with a reputation for sartorial excellence , and this was before his wardrobe tastes took bizarre turns . " Honest to God , people used to tune in the TV games just to see what I was wearing , " he told me of his days in Boston . Cherry said he had " always dressed pretty good . Other kids would wear sneakers and jeans , but I would wear Oxfords and pants like knickers . And when I was playing , I played for Joe Crozier , and he used to dress pretty nice . I think the players look up to that . Maybe I go a little overboard . " " I 'm just a guy who likes to go out and have a good time with the players , " he said . " Somebody asks me how we win so much . It 's the players . First and foremost , everything 's got to be for the players . If the players aren 't with you , you 're dead . I don 't know ; if I knew what I was doing , I 'd probably screw it up . " I have my own style , and it 's very simple . It 's so simple that [ defenseman ] Dennis O ' Brien came up to me before a game and asked me to explain my style of game and my philosophy to him . So we went to a bar , and I drew it on a napkin . It 's as simple as that . " Diagramming that system , he said , it took him " ten minutes at the most , between sips of beer . Only five , if I 'm not drinking beer . " Cherry immediately was a sensation in Denver . Much of it was his flamboyance , and he had most members of the media in the palm of his hand . ( Including me . ) He was a great sound bite for the local television folks , who started showing up at games . I appreciated that he offered colorful quotes , was always cooperative , and actually enjoyed having a few beers with the scribes on the road occasionally . I was wide - eyed when he took Fred Pietila of the Rocky Mountain News and me to Toe Blake 's tavern in Montreal and told stories for a few hours . Rob RamageThe Rockies had the first overall pick in the 1979 draft , an incredible opportunity because four World Hockey Association teams - - Edmonton ( with a teenage Wayne Gretzky ) , Quebec , Hartford , and Winnipeg - - finally were coming into the NHL . The two WHA teams that didn 't make the cut and were folding , Cincinnati and Birmingham , also had players who had been too young to play in the NHL under its previous 20 - year - old cutoff , so they were included in the NHL draft pool . Four of Birmingham 's " Baby Bulls " went in the first round , including defenseman Rob Ramage to the Rockies , the number one choice overall . Ramage had a solid career , and the consensus at the time was that it was the wise choice . The other Baby Bulls who went in the first round were Rick Vaive , Craig Hartsburg , and Michel Goulet . Goulet and former Cincinnati Stinger Mike Gartner , who went to Washington , are in the Hockey Hall of Fame today . So is a young defenseman from the Verdun Eperviers named Raymond Bourque , who went to Boston in the number eight slot . Ray Miron as Rockies ' GMCherry didn 't have the patience for a step - by - step team - building effort . Before long , the coach was sniping at Miron , both in public and private . Miron acceded to some of Cherry 's requests , acquiring a couple of veteran players who fit his style . One of the ironies of his stay was that despite his image - cemented during his days on television - as being suspect of French Canadian players , he was all for the preseason acquisition of Rene Robert from Buffalo . Robert had been on the Sabres ' famed " French Connection " line , and he quickly became one of Cherry 's favorites . But the Rockies ' approach was misguided , primarily because they didn 't decide on a coherent strategy and stick with it . Instead , they were stuck in a no - man 's - land with a hybrid and capricious philosophy , including periodic attempts to pacify Cherry or quiet his complaining with the acquisition of hard - working journeymen with more grit than talent or aging veterans . Barry Beck 's 1979 - 80 Topps cardAfter a 1 - 7 - 2 start , the Rockies traded their best young player - - intimidating defenseman Barry Beck - - to the Rangers . For Beck , the Rockies got a package that included defenseman Mike McEwen and Dean Turner , plus wingers Lucien DeBlois and Pat Hickey . Beck had been the Calder Trophy winner as the league 's rookie of the year in 1978 . Shoulder problems later slowed and then ended his career , but trading a young cornerstone defenseman who could score goals - he had a dynamite shot from the point - - and help shut down opponents was a sign of panic . Cherry supported the trade , saying that if the Rockies didn 't get some goal scorers , there was no hope . The day the deal was announced - ironically , the day before the Rockies played and beat the Rangers in Denver with a stunned Beck , a western Canadian boy who was having a home built near Evergreen , going through the motions - I saw Cherry and Miron walking down the hall in front of me . Cherry actually patted Miron on the back . That might have been the last time that ever happened . The trade actually made some " sense , " since its ripple effect tied it to the later deals that brought Lanny McDonald and Chico Resch to the Rockies and at that point , the multiple players acquired improved the roster as a whole . McEwen , DeBlois and Hickey were bona fide NHL standouts , if not stars . But if the Rockies had kept Beck , I 'm convinced he and Ramage soon would have been one of the league 's elite defensive pairings - and stayed that way for a long time . On Nov . 28 in Denver , nearly four weeks after the Beck trade , the Rockies were part of an NHL historic moment - the first time a goaltender was credited with a goal . A delayed penalty was pending on the Islanders , and Colorado goalie Bill McKenzie went to the bench . Ramage , who had pinched in , passed back to the point , but no teammate was there and the puck slid to the other end , into the Rockies ' net . Smith got the goal because he was the last Islander to touch the puck , but it took a scoring change after the game to get him the goal , and the Islanders already had left the building when the news broke . The Denver Post was an afternoon paper at the time , and I was astounded when Smith answered the phone in his hotel room - before charter travel , teams stayed overnight in the road cities after games - and was more than willing to talk about it . ( He might have had some post - game libations by then , I suspect . ) He joked that by the time he could tell his grandchildren about the historic first goaltender goal , he would say he made a spectacular play and a shot - and nobody would remember enough to contradict him . A few days later , on Dec . 2 , 1979 , Cherry returned to Boston Garden with the Rockies . Incredibly , the Rockies led 4 - 2 with 53 seconds left . With a faceoff about to take place in the Colorado zone , the Bruins brought goalie Gilles Gilbert to the bench - and Cherry called a time - out . During the timeout , Cherry didn 't huddle with the Rockies to talk strategy . He let them rest and get drinks of water . He stepped to the end of the bench and began signing autographs for the fans who had gathered there ; that , of course , brought more fans in their wake . It was one of the funnier scenes I 've ever witnessed in sports , in part because it was so brazen . I was just across the ice , because the hockey press box at the Garden was a front row appendage to the low balcony . After Colorado had won 5 - 3 to get to 6 - 14 - 3 for the season , Cherry got in a few digs at his Boston successor , Fred Creighton . He said the Bruins had " as much or more talent as anybody in the league . There seemed to be an awful lot of times when they weren 't all there . " The Bruins still were 15 - 6 - 3 , but Cherry admonished the Boston press not to forget that the Bruins had gotten off to a 16 - 2 - 2 start under him the previous season . " When they lost their third game , Blue told me , ' They can 't match your record for the first twenty games , anyhow . ' Blue is doing handstands all over the place now , I imagine . " Later in December , the Rockies traded Pat Hickey ( from the Beck trade ) and Wilf Paiement to Toronto for McDonald and a young defenseman named Joel Quenneville . Although Paiement - the franchise 's first - ever draft choice when the team was based in Kansas City - was talented , it was a good deal , primarily because cantankerous Maple Leafs owner Harold Ballard wanted to exile McDonald to Siberia . And that 's what NHL traditionalists thought the Colorado franchise was at the time . McDonald was a leader and a terrific player who played with passion and heart , and his bushy mustache made him hard to miss . Soon , McDonald was the Rockies ' most prominent player ever , and - aside from Cherry - its most eloquent spokesman . But on the ice , little went well . The goaltending indeed was bad , but in retrospect , I probably concurred too easily with Cherry 's position that Hardy Astrom , who was acquired from the New York Rangers and making decent money , was the worst NHL goalie of all time . A handful of others in the league who played twenty or more games that season had worse goals - against averages than his 3 . 75 , and there were even a couple who played more than half their teams ' games - Hartford 's John Garrett and Los Angeles 's Mario Lessard . Regardless , Cherry held his nose long enough to use Astrom - yes , management and ownership wanted him out there , but Cherry could have defied them - in forty - nine games , while also trying Bill McKenzie , Michel Plasse , and Bill Oleschuk in the net . Cherry had let loose many times , but he got into high gear that night . " Our goaltending was horse - - , " he said , standing a few feet from the trailer where I had done a between - periods interview with a fledgling Connecticut - based cable operation called ESPN . " Let 's face it . Come on . Let 's be honest . We 're not going to go anywhere until we get a goalie . I 've tried everyone except the guy who works in the confectionary store . " I felt as if I were covering the Washington Generals , the Harlem Globetrotters ' foils and straight men , when the Rockies were the opposition in the March 1 , 1980 , game that was " Miracle on Ice " goaltender Jim Craig 's NHL debut for the Atlanta Flames in the Omni . In Atlanta , the Flames had their first sellout of the season ( 15 , 156 ) , everyone waved American flags , and the Flames probably could have beaten the Rockies using Cherry 's " guy who works in the confectionary store " as their goaltender . In the story , I said they could have used Eric Heiden , who had just won a big haul of speedskating gold medals but probably wouldn 't have been helpless in the net . The Rockies ' first shot didn 't come until 12 : 50 of the first period , and McDonald took it from near the red line . The Flames won 4 - 1 . Craig seemed fazed by only one thing : the Confederate flag one fan waved behind one goal . " I 'm a Yankee , " Craig said , laughing . " This has been unbelievable , " he added . " There was the governor 's visit yesterday , and they made me an honorable colonel of something . I was fortunate enough to have my brother and father here tonight . I just hope they all go like this . " The breaking point in the Cherry era was the coach 's falling - out in early March with Mike McEwen . Imperatore and Pohan had been Rangers fans and they liked McEwen . When McEwen stayed out on the ice too long and took an extended shift , and Chicago scored the game - winning goal , Cherry shook him on the bench . The next day , McEwen skipped practice and he didn 't come to the next game , also at McNichols , leaving the Rockies with only four defensemen . Cherry was surprisingly conciliatory , saying after that game that he had just talked with McEwen on the phone and told him he would be welcome back . " What more can I do ? " he asked us . " I made a lot of mistakes when I was his age . Lots of them . I 'm not vindictive . " I also called McEwen , and he agreed with Cherry 's version of the conversation but said he wanted to be traded and wouldn 't go on the team 's next road trip . McEwen said he couldn 't fit Cherry 's style , so I asked Cherry about that . " Sure he can , " Cherry said . " That 's what Brad Park thought when he came to Boston , and he was an all star the next year . I don 't want him to do a lot of things . I just want him to pass the puck a little more . What I 'm trying to do is help him . He thought I was on him all the time . I have an abrasive nature . Some guys respond to it . Some don 't . " Next , I called Pohan . " I don 't understand why things reached this point , " he said . I asked him if this was a sign of a deteriorating relationship between the team and Cherry . " No comment , " Pohan said . Bobby Schmautz is barely visible at the right as he and Paul Stewart meet in the hallway . That 's Lanny McDonald watching . ( Denver Post file . ) The incident in Boston when Cherry signed autographs during the timeout was funny . What happened in Denver in late March was bizarre . The Rockies were playing the Quebec Nordiques when Quebec 's Paul Stewart and Colorado 's Bobby Schmautz , a former Bruin and one of Cherry 's all - time favorites , drew minors for high - sticking in the first period . They served their penalties and then were given game misconducts when they waved their sticks at one another in a faceoff . Before the game could start again , other players raced off the ice - the exits at McNichols were in the corners , across the ice from the benches - because they had figured out Stewart was chasing after Schmautz in the hallway . So the crowd was left wondering what was going on as the game was delayed . That night , when I went back and forth to talk with the combatants , Stewart admitted he had gone after Schmautz in the hallway . " I 've only got two eyes , and I 'm not going to let anyone take a run at them with his stick , " Stewart said . " Hey , even the guys on [ Schmautz 's ] own team in Boston said he high - sticked his Thanksgiving turkey to death . " Schmautz was scornful of Stewart . " This is the guy who came up earlier this year and got beat up and sat in the penalty box giving the ' V ' sign because he 'd fulfilled his dream to play in the Boston Garden , " Schmautz said . By the time the Nordiques became the Colorado Avalanche , Stewart had found another line of work . He was an NHL referee . Before the Rockies ' final home game of the season , the players raised their sticks and formed a cordon for Cherry , wearing a cowboy hat ( a gift from the players ) and boots , to walk through to the bench . Rene Robert came into Cherry 's postgame news conference - the Rockies had beaten Pittsburgh 5 - 0 - to explain the reason for the raised sticks . " It was to show people how much we love him and where he stands in our book , " Robert said . Robert patted Cherry on the back and headed to the dressing room , and the coach turned to us and said , " Just like I told you ! " The crowd that night was 11 , 610 , a respectable figure considering we were in the midst of a major spring snowstorm . " The franchise is here , " Cherry said . " With ten more wins , we 'd be in the thick of the playoffs , and you couldn 't buy a ticket . " The fans also had chanted Cherry 's name in the final minutes . " Just like Boston , " Cherry said . " ' Cher - ry , Cher - ry . ' What more can I tell you ? There 'll be a lot more like that . As long as I 've got the players with me , that 's all I need . You stick with the players , and they 'll stick with you . The fans love me . The players love me . That 's the most important thing . " The Rockies finished 19 - 48 - 13 , and their 51 points were the lowest in the 21 - team league . Their average home attendance was only 9 , 754 , but that was a huge increase over the average of slightly more than 6 , 000 the season before . On the ice , the good news was that McDonald , then only 28 , had 25 goals in only 46 games for Colorado and an aura of leadership ( and the mustache ) that seemed to stamp him as the franchise 's public face - at least among the players - for years to come . The day after the season ended , I called Pohan to do a season wrap - up and casually asked if ownership was considering firing Cherry . Despite the fact that the strains between ownership and Miron on one side and Cherry on the other were obvious and well documented , I really didn 't think the Rockies would fire the popular coach . Much to my surprise , Pohan said , yes , he was considering doing just that , emphasizing it was in the process of evaluating the entire operation , including Miron , as well . " If we had eighty points right now , " Pohan said , " I 'd put up with anything . " Cherry dared Pohan to fire him . " If he doesn 't want me back , there 's nothing I can do about it , " he said . " I intend to fulfill my contract . If not , c ' est la vie . I 've never backed out on anything yet . I don 't want to leave anything unfinished here . I want to come back . But that 's up to them . They 're the bosses . I 'll tell you , if you think people have forgotten about me around hockey , let me give you an illustration . I 'm going to go back and film twelve hockey - tip things for Hockey Night in Canada during the playoffs . They picked five stars from the NHL to do United Way commercials , and I 'm one of them . I 've already been approached to do five banquets back east in May alone . And you 're asking me if I 'm worried about a job ? " It took seven weeks for Pohan to announce his decision . He fired Cherry . It did take courage , considering Cherry 's support was vocal and widespread . My biggest criticism was that Cherry 's track record for being uncontrollable and outrageous was well - known when the Rockies went after him , so they should have known what they were getting and tried to ride out at least the final season of his contract to see what happened . He did that work for Hockey Night in Canada in the playoffs , started out as an analyst the next season , and then was moved into a role that better suited him - the studio pundit 's role on Coach 's Corner . His ridicule of his Rockies ' goaltender , Astrom , has made the man the former coach calls the " Swedish Sieve " one of the working definitions for ineptitude in the net - as Mario Mendoza and the " Mendoza Line " became references to bad hitting . For years , Cherry occasionally took shots at Miron , long - ago retired and living in the Tulsa area after making a fortune as one of the founders of the revived Central Hockey League , which now awards its champion the Ray Miron Presidents Trophy . " We bought that team to bring it here , " Imperatore again acknowledged . " Know what would happen ? Usually , I 'd work half the day because I 'm a workaholic . I 'd get off the airplane , get a headache first thing . A bad headache . Then I 'd get a nosebleed . I 'd go the arena and meet the guys and talk to them about how well we were doing . And then came the clincher . You 're tired , it 'd be 9 here when the game started in Denver , and it 's about to begin , and I 'm looking around asking , ' Where are the fans ? ' They 'd come trickling in . All I can see are the empty seats . Then , the game would start , the other team scores the first goal , and I think of how many more empty seats there are going to be the next game . And , sure enough , that 's what happened . " In life , you can 't do everything and do it well , " Imperatore said . " We 're guys who try do something and do it well . There 's no other way . We tried . We tried . " On November 30 , 1980 , the Rockies played at Buffalo . Pohan attended the game , and he later confirmed what happened in the VIP room after the first period at Memorial Auditorium . Sabres owner Seymour Knox introduced him to Peter Gilbert , a Buffalo cable television magnate and Sabres ' season - ticket holder . The news of a tentative deal broke within days , and the NHL approved the sale in January . I asked Gilbert why it could work under his ownership and not under those of Vickers and Imperatore . His answer : " We 'll be running it . " He added , " I 'll make people feel about the Rockies how people in Buffalo feel about the Sabres . " Peter Gilbert as Rockies ' ownerGilbert was born in Austria , and he said his family had gotten out of that country in 1933 and made it to British - controlled Palestine . He joined the British Army late in World War II , served in the Israeli Air Force after the postwar founding of the modern state of Israel , and moved to the United States in 1950 , when he was 24 . In a Brooklyn machine shop , he started out as an office boy and ended up buying the company and turning it into an electrical components company . That company merged with Alloys Unlimited , and Gilbert made a considerable profit . In 1970 , he bought a bankrupt Long Island cable company from a bank , and it exploded when he talked Madison Square Garden into awarding his system the rights to Knicks and Rangers games - in the forerunner of the Madison Square Garden Network . He sold that cable network to Viacom for $ 12 . 5 million and reinvested in another struggling cable company , this one in Buffalo . That also boomed . Today , I 'm convinced those were the reasons he bought the team . He was a cable pioneer and had a track record in the industry , he knew getting that Denver cable franchise would be a gold mine , and either separately or in combination , he already had made a ton of money by being ahead of the curve in utilizing teams as showcases for a regional cable network . ( He was thinking of Altitude … way back then . That 's why he later publicly explored buying the Nuggets , then owned by a large group of mostly local investors who within a few years sold out to Texan B . J . " Red " McCombs . ) But none of those cable plans came together , or at the very least , Gilbert realized the process would take years . Glenn " Chico " ReschLate that season , with Gilbert in control of the franchise , the Rockies finally acquired a good goaltender in a trade with the Islanders . Colorado picked up Glenn " Chico " Resch and young center Steve Tambellini for Cherry 's favorite , Mike McEwen . At one point , Gilbert taped television commercials for tickets with McDonald . In them , Gilbert said to McDonald , " Hey , Lonnie . . . " Nobody had the nerve to correct him , nor saw anything wrong with putting ads on the air in which the team owner gets his star player 's name wrong . In the macabre and pointed sense of humor of the locker room , I heard a teammate holler at McDonald at least once a day , " Hey , Lonnie ! " In the wake of a fifteen - win season in 1980 - 81 - a season that made the Cherry season look good - Miron was fired . MacMillan , despite his lack of success as the coach , had impressed Gilbert , and he was championing the successful model of the " Islanders Way . " MacMillan stepped up to become GM and hired a former Islanders teammate , Bert Marshall , as head coach , with University of Denver coach Marshall Johnston coming aboard as an assistant coach and assistant general manager . Part of the Rockies ' problem was their outlandish ticket prices . Here 's the 1980 - 81 price scale . By the next season , the top price had skyrocketed to $ 13 . According to an inflation calculator , that 's about $ 32 in 2015 dollars . I rode with Gilbert on his private plane from Denver to Winnipeg for an exhibition game and got to know him better . He still was cocky about how he was going to get the franchise turned around , believing if he could do it with two bad cable companies , he could do it with the Rockies . His bluster wasn 't for everyone . The Rockies ' employees - other than the players and the famous coach - had been loyal to Imperatore , primarily because Pohan , who was in Denver more , was universally liked ; Gilbert rubbed many of them the wrong way . At one point in the subsequent season , the Rockies played the Red Wings in the new but already obsolete Joe Louis Arena in Detroit , and I came back to the new Renaissance Center Westin after the game , realizing that my plan to meet several team employees " in the bar " wasn 't specific enough . They weren 't in the hotel bar and the " Ren Cen " then had many restaurants with bars in them . As I approached one of them , though , I could hear a Rockies ' employee blasting Peter Gilbert - " that son of a bitch " - from the hallway . So I knew my search had ended . ( Years later , I still see that former Rockies ' employee and occasionally tease him about it . ) By November , Lonnie . . . er , Lanny McDonald was refusing to talk to me because he felt I violated a confidence . He came to Denver with a contract from Toronto that ran through 1982 - 83 , but much of it was based on the assumption he would be playing in Canada , where he had made a lot of money on endorsements . He also maintained that Imperatore and Pohan had promised him the deal would be renegotiated after the 1980 - 81 season if he performed well . I heard that he was asking Gilbert and MacMillan to honor that commitment , and McDonald said he had no comment on the record but confirmed it off the record and asked me not to write about it because he expected it to be taken care of quietly and soon . He said he would let me know when that happened . His agent , Alan Eagleson , initially wouldn 't talk about it , either . The problem was that the grapevine was hard at work . It was common enough knowledge and soon I had heard it from enough people to feel as if I had to write about it , and I told him I was doing so . Then Eagleson , also the head of the Players Association and eventually shown to be a crook , confirmed it publicly . McDonald didn 't like it when I wrote about it , and he also was perturbed that I had called Pohan , who said the promise had been vague and in part designed to react to McDonald 's anger over Cherry 's firing . He said he had told McDonald that the team would consider renegotiating the contract in the 1981 off - season if McDonald proved he deserved a raise and if the team 's financial condition had improved . The airing of that dirty laundry didn 't please McDonald , and he gave me the silent treatment for at least another month . The next morning , we went to Winnipeg - and I say " we " because in the fashion of the time , I traveled with the team on buses to and from airports and on commercial flights . Noticeably , Billy MacMillan and Bert Marshall weren 't on the team bus to the Calgary airport or on the flight to Winnipeg . Marshall Johnston told me they were coming on a later flight . I was the only writer on the trip - the Rocky Mountain News was being more selective about following losing teams - and I asked Johnston if that meant a trade was in the works . He was vague , and I went to the pay phone and tried both MacMillan and Marshall 's rooms back at the Calgary hotel . They didn 't answer . At the Winnipeg airport , McDonald , who was sitting near the back of the plane , was one of the last ones off . An Air Canada agent met Johnston with a message . As the other players headed for the baggage claim area , I saw Johnston intercept McDonald and take him to a pay phone . Soon , the other players were all on the bus , waiting , when they noticed that McDonald and Johnston weren 't aboard . Tambellini was designated to find out what was going on , and when he went back in the terminal , he saw Johnston struggling to get his phone credit card number to work and get his call through and McDonald sitting , waiting , and looking forlorn . " I 'm stunned , " he said . " I 'm serious . I just can 't believe it . I think you know I 'm not a quitter , that I 'd never ask to be traded . All I can say is that I wish them the very best . I think there are a lot of class guys here . " I rode in the cab with McDonald and Rockies ' radio broadcaster Norm Jones to the Winnipeg Arena . Norm and I both did interviews with McDonald , and Lanny went out of his way to take the high road . " Bitterness has no place in hockey , as far as I 'm concerned , " he told me . " Trades are part of the game . Billy is trying to turn this franchise around . I don 't agree with him on the trade because I don 't think I was the problem . If you take the time to feel bitter about every little thing in life , you 're in a pretty sorry state . " It wasn 't long before he figured out that Ramage was right . He was a Medicine Hat , Alberta , native . He was going home . But on that day , McDonald was crushed to be leaving the Rockies . He and his wife , Ardell , truly did love living in Denver . The trade itself didn 't seem as ridiculous at the time as it might seem in retrospect - and it especially looked ridiculous when McDonald scored 66 goals for Calgary only two seasons later . Bob MacMillan and Don Lever were solid all - around forwards . MacMillan had 75 goals in a two - season span for the Blues early in his career , and Lever was coming off a 30 - goal season . But the fact that one of the players acquired for the franchise 's most visible and best player was the general manager 's brother raised a lot of eyebrows , as it should have . Gilbert barely had owned the team for a year when it was obvious he didn 't have the stomach for the continued losses . To his credit , he kept writing the checks and the franchise never was in danger of folding , but at meetings in Washington held in conjunction with the early February All - Star Game , he officially told the league he wanted to move the Rockies to New Jersey . That was an issue again because the new Meadowlands arena finally was on the verge of opening . The meetings went so long and Fred Pietila and I had so much to write that neither of us made it to the All - Star Game itself . In the final month of the season , there was a brief glimmer of hope . A St . Louis high - risk insurance mogul met with Gilbert and was championed as a possible owner by a Colorado - based member of the Rockies ' board of directors - a group that was largely window dressing as Gilbert attempted to defuse the issue of absentee ownership . One day , though , I took a call from St . Louis , and the caller suggested I check out two of the mogul 's companies . With a lot of help from folks in the Missouri Secretary of State 's office and other sources , I ended up with mountains of material about the mogul 's companies and lawsuits and about the Missouri Division of Insurance accusing one of the companies of misappropriating $ 166 , 595 in premiums . I also came up with photocopies of two $ 150 , 000 checks to a lawsuit plaintiff that bounced . We still ran the Sunday package on March 28 , 1982 , including a picture of one of the bounced checks , under the headline : " The Man Who Almost Bought the Rockies . " That probably wasn 't accurate , though . It was obvious to me that he never would have been able to pull off the purchase . Even if I hadn 't written a word about his business dealings , that still would have been the case . So I never felt that I had anything to do with " scuttling " a deal . Denver Post , morning after Rockies ' final game in Denver . Note a young ( er ) Woody Paige , my game story , and diary from Mike Kitchen , now Blackhawks ' assistant coach . The Avalanche in the top headline was an indoor soccer team . The players shown are Dwight Foster and Steve Tambellini , later an NHL general manager . The Rockies beat the Flames 3 - 1 in the final game of the season at McNichols . Resch was the number one star . By then , most NHL observers assumed the franchise was leaving , but Resch said , " I 'd just like to thank the fans who came out and the ones who thought about coming out but didn 't . We gave them a lot of reasons not to . We think we can improve next year . If people will have a lot of faith and maybe buy season tickets . " I talked more about Rocky Hockey with Resch years later , when he was a Devils broadcaster . " In this league , if you said you survived " Rocky Hockey , ' that means you went above and beyond , " he said . " You could get through any blizzard of life if you got through that . It 's not that it was all bad , but the toughest part was just the uncertainty . There never was a commitment for a four - or five - year plan . There wasn 't even a four - or five - month plan . It was a four - or five - day plan . The fans that came were very good . We always thought we were one win from getting it going . But you know , it 's really nice to know it was the hockey town we all thought it was . Unfortunately , it just took longer than we would have liked . " It was too late . Edmonton furniture and real estate magnate Bill Comrie was the major figure in a group that talked about buying 70 percent of the franchise with local ownership retaining the remaining 30 percent . That deal also fell apart and for a bizarre reason . With the deal under discussion in mid - April , an armed intruder burst into the home of Edmonton Oilers owner Peter Pocklington , who was trying to broker the sale , and demanded $ 1 million in ransom . Police eventually shot the extortionist , but Pocklington was grazed in the arm in the crossfire . Shaken , he had better things to do than to help close the sale that would have kept the Rockies in Colorado . At least I got a couple of trips to New York out of it . In mid - May , the NHL 's board of governors met for two days in Manhattan , failing to agree on the Rockies ' fate or what to do with the Meadowlands market . Gilbert proposed simply being allowed to move the Rockies there , but it was obvious the NHL wasn 't going to allow that to happen . Millionaire John McMullen wanted either the Rockies or an expansion team for the Meadowlands , and the debate mostly revolved around how the league could allow the Rockies to go New Jersey and still get the same amount of money it would get from expansion fees if an expansion team went there . Every time Gilbert walked out of the room , I was in the mob chasing him down for comment , even if he was just taking a restroom break . Part of the comedy was that he was willing talk to me on the phone from his Buffalo home or in his hotel room at these sorts of meetings , whether it was an official on - the - record comment or a background briefing . So I was part of the mob out of self - defense more than anything else . When the meetings adjourned , board of governors chairman Bill Wirtz - who I have to say was always helpful to me , despite his spendthrift and curmudgeonly image as the Blackhawks ' owner - confirmed that there wasn 't anything under discussion that would keep the Rockies in Denver . Gilbert said the same thing . I marveled at how quickly he had gone from being the blustery self - professed savior of the NHL for Denver and even a possible buyer of the Nuggets to a harried , even hapless man trying to get out without losing his shirt . He said the franchise losses were greater than his profit on the sale . In announcing the league approval of the moves , NHL President John Ziegler said the league tried to come up with owners to keep the team in Denver but failed . " To operate the team in Colorado , based on the financial record , someone would have to be willing to lose a lot of money until the team was turned around , " he said . The day after the league 's board of governors approved the sale and move of the franchise , I went to the Meadowlands on the other side of the Lincoln Tunnel for the news conference at the new arena . Everyone involved predicted the NHL immediately would be a hot ticket in New Jersey , and we 'd see such phenomena as season ticket rights being fought over in divorce proceedings and passed on through wills . New Jersey Governor Thomas Kean put it this way : " I can assure the management as well as the players that the seats in this arena will be filled game after game . " McMullen said that sounded good to him . Harry Smith , a KHOW radio disc jockey with a dry sense of humor and a cult following among those of us who worked late , was on the overnight shift . He also was a regular at Rockies games , and he brought the song out of the radio mothballs , back on the air and helped popularize it as a Denver anthem . ( Yes , the Harry Smith of " CBS This Morning " in later years . ) The song remained a Rockies - only phenomenon for a few years . In 1979 - 80 , trying to change the Rockies ' image , Cherry ordained that the Rockies try another song . They did . The fans howled so loud , and so often , Cherry admitted his mistake and allowed " R & R , Part II " back in the building . Wow ! Great stuff Terry ! Thanks for the history and stories . The NHL Rockies were before my time , so it 's nice to get a first - hand account of what they were like . I was a Rockies season ticket holder from 1977 until they departed . For the Rockies fans it wasn 't about the record but just the opportunity to see NHL hockey . I loved that team and when they moved it broke my heart . I thought that I would never see the NHL in Denver again . I have been an Avalanche season ticket holder for 20 years and I am certainly happy that I was wrong . Great story that brought back a lot of memories . Only thing missing was a reference to radio play by play man Joe " Oh , what a bonanza ! " Starkey 's signature goal scoring call . A terrific look back . " Dater was the only good thing the Pravda had going . Chambers is horrid and pandered to the players like an aw - struck teenage girl . And Teri is just as capitulating ! . . . " Terry Frei graduated from Wheat Ridge High School in the Denver area and has degrees in history and journalism from the University of Colorado - Boulder . He worked for the Rocky Mountain News while attending CU and joined the Post staff after graduation . He has also worked at the Oregonian in Portland , Ore . , and The Sporting News . His seventh book , March 1939 : Before the Madness , was issued in February 2014 . Chambers covers college and professional hockey for The Denver Post . He has written for the Post since 1994 , after dumping his first 9 - to - 5 office job a couple years out of college . He primarily follows the University of Denver hockey team and helps cover the Avalanche .
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We are a group of ladies that come here for support and encouragement on our weight loss struggles , and we also find time for some chitchatting . So please , won 't you join us ? New members are always welcome . I hope it was okay for me to start this . . . . . . . . . __________________ Cristina - - Thanks . I will be emailling it to you once I " tweak " it a bit more . Jane - - to Mary and Happy Bday to your son ! Tiffany - - no worries , seems like you have a lot going on right now , just pop in whenever you can , we 'll be here . Take care . Katie - - No worries and your not just a " decorative doily " you are a Jaded Laded and we aren 't just for decoration ! lol . . . . . . . . Hiya ladies . . . We had a warmer day here today . Guess who took advantage of the sunshine and actually got a walk in ? Yay ! I didn 't get much done around the house . The builder was here fixing a few little things and DH was working in the shop . Mom and I did run to the grocery and the Dollar store , but weren 't gone long . Soooo . . not much news from here . Sassy - Hope your back gets better soon . Nothing worse than a sore back . You have a good hubby if he will clean the fridge . . . . better keep him around ! Jane - Hugs to Mary at her diagnosis . I don 't know much about rheumatoid , so can 't offer anything except best wishes for a GOOD Dr . and good info . I know she is lucky to have you and your DH to help out . Hugs to all ! MaryKate - You are not a doily . . . more like a vase of roses . Heck , if you are going to be a decoration , pick a good one . ( Just kidding , of course . ) I DO like doilies . . . no doilies were injured by my comment . teehee . . . . Tiffany - We all get busy from time to time . It is just so great to know the JL 's will be here when we get back . AND no one will chastize us for being away . One of my favorite things about this group . Not to mention that we are just a wonderful , beautiful , helpful group ! ! Cristina - Hey , that housework will always be there . . . . it is never ending . So relax a little . You are doing great , by the way . Tomorrow we are meeting DH 's sister and brother and their spouses for lunch . Hopefully I can get a walk in at some point . Fri . - A trip to Hobby Lobby . . finally . Jane : I 'm sorry to hear about Mary . My mother had the same problem and it 's very painful . She was able to keep her fingers nimble by crocheting . Sounds like you have a full plate . Happy Birthday to your son . How 's the puzzles coming ? Sue : Sounds like you 're settling into the new house . You 've been so busy that it must be nice to have things slow down some . What would we do without Hobby Lobby ? Cristina : I 'm glad you finally heard from Josh . Are you sleeping better ? I think we should name you the welcome lady with all the card sending you do . You make me want to get on a stick and get busy with my holiday cards . Do you have a Jeopardy game ? It sounds like the perfect gift for someone who is hooked on Jeopardy . I used to watch it but now it 's on the same time as the news . Sassy : I 'm sorry to hear about your back . I hope it 's not serious . BTW , does your hubby give Refrig . cleaning lessons ? I 'd like to sign up my husband . LOL Michelle : You are still in my prayers . Katie : I love doilies ! I 'm a doily person . We should be best friends ! LOL I have them on all my tables and dresser . They were all made by me , my mother ( gone from my sight but not my heart ) and my MIL . If you would like any , I 'd be happy to make you some . I chuckled when I saw you compare yourself to a doily . I thought of graceful and elegant . In victorian times , doilies were a displayed to show males that the young woman was talented and creative and would make a good wife . Needlepoint was shown also . You must be a woman of breeding . Feel better ? I 've hit a plateau on this diet and it has me frustrated . I haven 't gone off my eating plan so I figured I 'd not stress myself out over it and not make a big deal of it . I was going to post last night . I caught up on all the messages and when I read about Michelle 's mom I fell apart . My mother has been gone since 2002 . She died on her birthday . I moved my mother to my home in 1996 . Shortly afterwards she was diagnosed with Alzheimers . It was a very long 6 years and at times our relationship was strained . She did not know who I was at the end . I watched her fade away as I slept in a chair in her room when her time was near . At 8 am I sang Happy Birthday to her and then she was gone . I miss her terribly and I hadn 't realized how much pain and sorrow still resided in me until Michelle 's posting . Love your mothers while you can . Sorry , I have to go because of the tears . A quick hello to you all ! ! I 've been tired from sitting on my butt all day at work , then come home to make sure I get my walking in . And I 'm pretty much done w / anything else ! I did want to stop in and send my prayers and hugs to Michelle . I am so sorry to hear about your mom . You and your family will be in my thoughts during this time ! ! Sorry for not being on much , but I need to get myself into a routine and get some time to fit in for computer . 8hrs of staring at a computer makes one not want to see one for days ! ! But once I do get myself in check , I will post more often . PS . Sassy . . . . . not a problem w / you starting a new thread ! I will go close the other one if Jane hasn 't already . Thank you ! Thanks everybody for your well wishes with my back . It is still sore , but not nearly as bad as it was lastnight . I 'm hoping it will be back to " normal " by the time I go to work tonight . ( Thursday ) . Sue - - on the sunshine and the walk ! Have fun on your trip to Hobby Lobby ! I just went there myself to get the stockings for the troops ! They have EVERYTHING out and a lot of it was 30 - 50 % off ! ( at least up here ! ) Norma - - BIG Sorry about your plateau and about the memories coming back of losing your mom . We are here if you need us . And Hmmmmm . Refrigerator cleaning lessons ? Hmmmmm that could make some decent money . . . . . . . . . . lol . Yes my hubby is great , even though at times he does annoy the heck out of me , I guess I 'll keep him ! lol . Marti - - I hear ya on sitting in front of a computer , in my case @ work for 10 hours and then you come home and are like UGH great another computer . lol . Good job getting your walking in . I need to get off my bum and get something done . I haven 't done a thing , except for laundry on my days off ! I just didn 't want to push it with my back being so sore . . . . . . . YW for starting the new thread , glad it was okay ! Have a Wonderful Day Everybody ! Late again getting on here . I swear I need a few more hours in the day . And , I even was up early this morning . Anyway , went grocery shopping and then headed to the scrapbook store . I must say , I had copies of the one page and I was surprised at how close to the " real " page it is . She handed me the first one and I thought it was the original . The only drawback is it cut off about 1 / 4 of an inch at the bottom which I didn 't like . I 've never done copies and really didn 't plan on it this time but . . . I 've wasted too much paper and now they don 't have the same design there and I am not starting over . So . . . since the page is flimsy I am going to cut the bottom off and glue it to a color background . See what happens with it . She told me to try and remember if I am going to do copies to not do the bottom 1 / 4 inch of the page . So when I do the second page I will have to remember that , but then it won 't match the other . UGH ! But it looks good so . . . yeah . NORMA . . . hugs to you sweetie . My mom is still with us but she lives in Arkansas and I am here in KS and we don 't get to see each other often . Even tried to talk V ( dh ) into moving there . Of course if he could find a job there paying what he gets here he would do it . Hey , about the cards . . . I am getting ready to do my Christmas cards ! DH and I are getting our Christmas picture taken next week . We didn 't do it last year so I thought we should do it this year . Of course , what I need to be doing is Christmas shopping . The last few nights I have been sleeping pretty good but I think it is because I 've been exercising and I got up early , lol . Actually , last week , I 've been telling myself " Let go , let God " and I 've not been worrying as much . It 's like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders , seriously . DOn 't have the jeopardy game . It comes on at 4 : 30 before the news so DD and I play against one another , lol . We love games ! SASSY . . . glad your back is better . You know , I just cleaned my refrigerator out too ! Of course I didn 't have any bad stuff , just some stuff that has been in there too long . The Hobby Lobby here also had a lot of Christmas stuff 30 - 50 % off . Unfortunately I don 't need anything . DH will kill me if I buy anymore Christmas stuff , lol . SUE . . . I think that is cool that your mom lives with you . Now when you guys go to Vegas will she go as well ? WTG on the walk . Ha , I went to Hobby Lobby yesterday ! Had to return some stuff and of course I found a few little things I felt I couldn 't live without , lol . MARY KATE . . . okay , I just didn 't want to send something to your son and him not like it or be allergic to it . But then he could always give it to someone else if he didn 't want it . I found the perfect card for him ! I used the card today and bought the rest of the cameras . . . now I need to start stuffing ! MARTI . . . I can understand not wanting to get on the computer after sitting in front of it all day . MICHELLE . . . thinking of you and sending lots of hugs your way . JANE . . . hope you guys had a fun BD celebration . Hi to everyone else Well , I didn 't get my exercise done early yesterday but ended up going at a little after 5 p . m . perfect time to go . No one was there and I got home in time to go dinner . Actually felt more energetic going at that time than I do when I go in the morning . But it 's not a good time to go usually . And I did get my walk in today . Today was grocery shopping day , then had to go to both scrapbook stores . Was looking for something to add to the kids page but just couldn 't find what I was looking for . Not sure what it was but I found some exercise stickers . Anyway , another busy day and it seems my housecleaning and computer time have been suffering . Tomorrow I only go exercise so if I get up early I should get it done tomorrow . Okay , don 't want to go on and on . So . . . Michelle - my thoughts and prayers are still with you , and I will be glad to hear from you as soon as you 're able to be here . Sassy - glad your back is better . That was really sweet of your DH to clean out the fridge for you . And like Marti said , no problem about you starting a new thread . Any JL is welcome to do that at 50 or so posts . I would mind going longer , but keeping it at 50 helps the ones who have dial - up . Mary Kate - awww , you 're much more than a doily around here , sweet cheeks ! But , wait , let me see . . . . . they 're very feminine and bring a sense of cachet to the room , so hey , what 's wrong with being a doily ? I have one on my dresser , btw . Hope you had a safe trip to see your friend and her father . Sue - it 's rained here off and on all day ! Did you have a good lunch with the siblings and their spouses ? Have fun at Hobby Lobby tomorrow . I know I would ! Norma - so sorry you 're sad about your mom . That 's a pain that never really goes away . I lost mine the day before my birthday in 1984 . She died early in the AM , and I got a birthday card in the mail from her later that day , after she passed . I 'll never forget that feeling - I couldn 't read the card for all the tears . About the plateau , just keep on being OP , and the weight will come off . Cristi - wow , I 'm so glad the scrapbook pages turned out well in copies . I 'll keep that in mind for if I ever need duplicates in the future . Can 't wait to see it ! I walk the treadmill right before I go for my shower in the evening . That is , when I walk it at all . Come Nov . 1st , that 's going to change , though . My foot doc said I can walk every other day , as long as I don 't use the incline , and that 's what I 'm going to do when I begin my new lifestyle . It has been very hectic around here for some reason . We had a good party for my son , and I loved having everyone over . Mary is scared about her diagnosis , and although I am very upbeat around her , today I cried for the first time about it , while I was at my Body , Mind and Spirit meeting . The disease can be so debilitating , and being the worry - wart I am , it 's hard to not think about if she 'll be crippled in the future . I know I just have to take it a day at a time . In the meantime , we 're helping Mary more and more with the kids . It 's the least I can do . If I 'm not able to check in as often , you 'll know why , ok ? Hi Ladies - - I 'm sorry I 'm not up to doing personals right now , but I wanted to let you all know how much I appreciate all of you ! Your kind words , thoughts and prayers really mean a lot to me . Today we buried my mom and I just cannot understand that she 's still gone . I miss her so much , and just wish for one more time of talking , hugging and kissing her . She has suffered for so long with pain , but recently was horrible for her . Having all of your support really means a lot and I love all of you ! My avatar is of my younger daughter , my mom and my 92 year old grandma ( my mom 's mom ) when my grandma was here in June . I 'm so happy now that we got many nice pictures together . Thank you all again ! Hi ladies . . . no time for individuals tonight , but wanted to let you know I 'll be gone for a few days . I have to go to Vegas - - not for fun , unfortunately . My childhood best friend 's dad is very sick with cancer . . . he is like a foster father to me . I 've known their family since I was six ; we moved next door to them about a month after my own father died , and I lived with them for my junior and senior year of high school . I haven 't seen them ( her folks ) for almost 20 years and had lost touch with them over the last 10 years or so ; just got back in contact with them and found out how very sick Jim is . They just stopped chemo because it isn 't helping and he 's in a hospice right now , hopefully will be able to go home soon with a hospice nurse visiting daily . Anyway , I 'm driving down tomorrow - - will be 9 or 10 hours , and will be staying for a few days , so I 'll see you when I get back . He 's in a lot of pain , so I 'd appreciate it if you would keep him in your prayers , that his pain will ease , and that he 'll know his family is there for him . Thanks for all your kind words , too . . . hope I didn 't offend any doily - lovers here My husband says that to our cat - - she just lays around all the time , pretty much useless , and probably would run away if she saw a mouse . Her only purpose appears to be decorative , so he says to her , " Chloe , you are such a doily . . . " __________________ Still apartment searching with DD . She is still in love with the first apartment she saw and has not liked any of the others . She says if she doesn 't get the one she wants , she will just move home and rent a storage unit for her stuff and keep looking until she finds one that is like it . That one is small but cute and well maintained , has off street parking and is on a quiet street . The only downsides to moving home are the whole moving things twice once to storage and then to the next apartment when she finds it and he Dad . We all love him but he is VERY controlling and she doesn 't want to fight with him . They are both very headstrong . Well I am off to do the usual Friday stuff , bank , post office , library , groceries etc . . . . . am going to try to make it to the gym too . I got all my blood work results back yesterday . I so very need to change my ways . I am like a walking heart attack or stroke waiting to happen ! ! Everything came back high except my Iron levels and that came back very low . Anemic they say . Still waiting for my pap results . . . . . . . . better be normal . Sheesh . So time to get my cook of a husband to change his cooking habits and turn his delicious cooking into delicious healthy cooking . And to continue my walking . Good news on that , I managed to lose a total of three pounds since I started walking ! ! ! That problem is finally going in the right direction - - down ! ! Ok . . . . . must go , sorry no individuals . Many hugs to you all ! ! Just a quick pop in with cyberhugs for all of you who need them . Seems like several of us are hurting or upset at this time . Life is full of peaks and valleys , isn 't it ? I guess we couldn 't fully appreciate the highs without suffering through the lows . Regardless , I wish you all a path to serenity and wellness . __________________ Seems like there are a few ladies going through some tough times . . . lots of hugs and prayers to you ladies . Jane . . . I can only imagine how hard it is for Mary . She 's lucky though that she has a mother to help her out . Glad you 'll be getting back to your walking soon . Marti . . . didn 't even know you had gone to the doctors . Glad the results were good except the iron . You reminded me that I need to get in and have my yearly . Mary Kate . . . lots of prayers for your friends family . Have a safe trip down to Vegas . Michelle . . . hugs to you sweetie . I love your avatar . I 'm glad you have the pictures of your mom and your precious memories . It may seem hard right now but one day you will remember her with tears of joy instead of sadness . Sassy . . . hope you are having a good day . Jules . . . I do hope your DD gets the apartment she wants . But if she doesn 't then maybe it was meant for her to move back home to be with her parents for right now . I always believe everything happens for a reason . I never know the reason , but have always felt that way . Sorry this is short . Was gone most of the day with errands and movie day with DD . And now of course is our time to play Jeopardy . I can 't explain it but it is our special time , something we hardly ever miss and no one else can be in the room , lol . Well , excpet for Ernie dog . I will try to get back on later . . . it depends . V is at work but is sick with a cold and may come home early so I can baby him . He needs it , and he needs to realx , working too hard . Pretty quiet here today . . . Nuthin much going on . DD and I went to an Antique store this morning . Planned on going to a couple more but geez , we spent 2 1 / 2 hours in that place . It has thre stories plus a basement . It 's cool looking at all that old stuff and reminising . Actually , hardly come across stuff from when I was little but once in a while we do . Anyway , today is a rainy lazy day . Think I will read a book later after I do some laundry . Might even clean the bathrooms , woohoo , that sounds like fun . Actually , I need to work on my scrapbook page and get it done and ready to send next week . Went to see The Grudge 2 yesterday . . . such a dumb movie . But there were funny parts . I think DD and I have a warped sense of humor . . . we are the only ones that laughed . I want to see the movie with Clint Eastwood or he directed it or something . Think it is called Five Flags . . . I don 't normally like movies like that but it looks decent . Anywho . . . won 't go on and on about nothing .
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In case you haven 't heard we welcomed our sweet son this past week . AND in case you haven 't seen the invite we have created a private blog to share pictures of him . If you didn 't recieve an invite please leave a comment or send me an email and I will send you one ! I just posted a couple of pictures of our little guy over there ! : ) I really enjoyed the first session and getting to meet the other couples . Chris was at training so he wasn 't able to attend this first session . It was very laid back and we talked about nutrition and we each got to have a moment with the doctor and hear our baby 's heartbeat . Our little one 's heartbeat was 146 . I LOVED hearing it with the Doppler . I loved it so much that if they weren 't so expensive I would want one so I could hear it everyday . Guess I will just have to wait for our appointments / sessions ! I had gained more weight than I had thought I would thus far so I am trying to make sure that I am eating well and getting back active . I think I may be past the extreme exhaustion since I have been waking up on my own at my normal time again which is so great . That will help me to get back to exercising regularly instead of sporadically . I do so much better exercising first thing in the mornings and if I wait till the end of the day it usually doesn 't happen . April 14 , 2012 Finally time to tell my side of the family ! Chris and I got up and got ready to make the drive to Atlanta for the day . We weren 't able to stay overnight because of responsibilities here at home so it made for a very long day . My husband is a rockstar though , he drove the whole way there and back because I wasn 't feeling the greatest in the car on the way up , and slept on the way back . When we got to Atlanta we enjoyed the party activities and watching all the kiddos run around . Also had great food and got to catch up with Hank . Patsy was running around keeping the party activities going . Towards the end of the party my Aunt Nancy arrived with Jaden and we were able to hang out with them as well . I had told my Uncle David a few days before because I found out he was not going to be able to make it to the party . Since he had asked me in February if we were expecting and I had told him no ( since I didn 't know at that point that we were ) I figured it would be nice to let him know . I had text Nancy the day before because I had filled out a questionaire about family history and wanted to know what type of diabetes runs in our family . I guess I asked too many questions because she told David that she wondered if I was becoming a hypocontriac . I figured that would give me the perfect segway to tell her we were expecting . So she was sitting talking to Hank and Chris and I told her I had gone to the doctor yesterday and I wanted to show her the results . Then I tried to hand her the sonogram in a paper . She turned right as I was handing it to her and I ended up hitting her and dropping it . AYE ! At the same time I handed her the sonogram Chris turned to Hank and said " Oh yeah by the way I got your sister pregnant " . Jaden had been playing with the kids so later someone said to him while he was standing right next to me " Did you know your Aunt Kendra is pregnant ? " He said yeah look at her and pointed to my stomach . We all laughed . I was not showing yet although I have added a bit of weight around my middle thus far . We left shortly after and headed home . This trip was a HUGE act of love to me from my sweet husband . He doesn 't prefer short trips and that much driving in one day took a lot out of him . It meant so much to me for him to make the quick trip ! On the drive home I made the other calls to the rest of my sibilings and then called my Grandma . I think Grandma knew as soon as she answered the phone because it seemed like she expected it . I love talking to her on the phone although it doesn 't happen near often enough . She shared with me about her pregnancies and I asked about how big her babies were , I was especially interested to know about my Mom . She gave me what she thought they were but kept looking for a card she has with all their information written down . I told her it was fine and she could let me know later . We talked about a lot of other things and then said goodbye a little while later . After we hung up she called me back about 5 min later that she had found the information . It was very special that she would look for it and call me back so I could have the information about Mom . So on Friday the 13th Chris and I headed to the OB department for the first appointment . I was SO excited but also a bit anxious . Just wanting so badly to see the baby and for everything to be all right . I had a FABULOUS midwife who answered all of my questions ( including the silly ones ) and then we had an ultrasound . It was a completely amazing experience to see the baby for the first time . As soon as it came on the screen I could see the heart beat . Chris and I both were smiling from ear to ear ! She turned up the machine so we could hear the heartbeat and it was 140 . She took some pictures and gave us the one above . I think it is completely amazing that you can see the backbone and the brain as well as the teeth . Totally a profile shot . We saw the baby moving around ( A LOT ) on the screen we could tell what everything was . : ) I wasn 't completely sure about the due date and when measuring they moved the date up one week . After we were finished with the ultrasound Chris told me " Happy Birthday , there is no way I can top that . " ( My birthday is the 16th ) . I could NOT stop smiling . The midwife told us that everything looked good , she said " Looks like a healthy baby and healthy pregnancy " . This put my mind at ease which was evident when they retook my blood pressure since it had been high due to my anxiety at the beginning of the appointment and was completely normal at the end . : ) Since there was a bit of time to plan we invited the Delgado Family over for a cookout and to tell them about the baby . It ended up that due to scheduling conflicts only Mrs . Liz , Mr . Hector , Yull & Jessica . Chris ended up putting together a crib that we were storing in the garage because I had the idea to put it in the guest bedroom and fill it with pink and blue balloons . The idea was that we would casually mentioned to go back and they would see the crib . It ended up that we didn 't get around to going to the back of the house until after dinner . Afterwards I asked Yull if she would like to see the rest of the house since it was her first time at our house . Jess mentioned that her parents should go and see all the changes we had made since they had been here last . When we walked back to the guest room I said " We actually just rearranged this room " and turned on the light . Mrs . Liz saw the crib and asked if I was pregnant . They were all excited : ) . The next morning Leslie , Jess & Jon were at the beach with Caden and invited me to come out . I did and figured it would be a good time to tell Leslie and Jon . I got there and got my chair set up and all settled in and then tried to figure out how I would tell them . I remembered that I had taken a picture of the pregnancy test with my phone . I pulled it up and said to Jon " Wanna see my latest picture ? " . He came over and looked , he screamed and jumped in my lap ! Leslie looked and was trying to figure out what was going on . I showed her the picture and then lots of talking all at once was going on . Apparently right before I got there they had just been asking Jess if we were going to have a baby anytime soon . We told Caden and he told me he thought it should be a boy cousin . : ) Caden ended up telling Hector James the next day because he didn 't know that I hadn 't told him yet . So after that weekend we just had to tell my side of the family and it could be public knowledge . : ) I had gone over to a neighboring base to register with the OB department because the base we are currently stationed at only has a clinic ( i . e . no OB ) . The day after I took the home test I had gone on base to have a blood test to confirm . They called me a couple hours later to say come pick up your prenatal vitamins ! ! ! : ) They also told me that I needed to register and the only hours I could make it were between 1pm and 3pm on a Friday since I get off half day . So I leave my office at 2 pm thinking it will take me about 30 min to get to the hospital on base that I need to go to . This was totally incorrect it took me 55 min to get to the hospital . I pull up and I realize I have NO idea where I am supposed to go . I look at the map and take an elevator up to the 2nd floor . That gets me to the right floor but I can 't get to the part of floor I need to from there . I go back down and there is no one at the information desk so I try walking around aimlessly for a few min and decide to go back to the lab desk because there is usually someone there . I walk up and see a familiar face , our friend Lee is working . I say hi ( relieved to see someone I know ) and then I am immediately struck with a conundrum . We aren 't telling people ! ! ! ! I am desperate so I ask him where OB is and he smiles and points me in the right direction . So I get up stairs by this point it is 3 : 07 . I walk up to the desk and tell the attendant that I know I am late but ask if I can fill out the paperwork needed . He starts to act like he is going to say no and then he looks at me and asks " Are you going to cry ? " I said " I am trying not to but I don 't know when I will be able to get back out here and I had no idea it would take almost an hour to get here from my office " . I was pretty much just rambling and he handed me the paperwork and said he would take care of it . I filled it out and he told me he was impressed with my ability to follow directions and fill out all the assigned portions ! Score ! He started to set my appointment and the first available that I could be at was Friday April 13th So then I went back down to the lab for gobs and gobs of blood tests and I am hoping to see Lee . I get to the desk and he had just left . Bummer . So I finish my tests and leave , text Chris about my experience and then figure since Lee probably already expects I will text and let him know . I also text Jess who is ecstatic since she has been dying to tell someone and now Lee knows ! The snag in calling and telling the Wylie side of the family was that we wouldn 't have the opportunity till that night which was a Friday . It was also the day that Elizabeth ( Blackman ) was spending the night with us . We talked and decided since she was the first person to know we were engaged it would be great for her to know about The Baby ! She picked going to Lenny 's for dinner and then we were going to the movies to see the Lorax ( cute movie btw ) . Over dinner we told her that we were having a baby and she smiled and thought it was pretty cool that she got to know before everyone else . We also told her that she couldn 't tell her Mama or Daddy or brother when we got to breakfast the next morning that I would tell them . Chris called his parents who were out to dinner with his Grandad so he was able to tell them and then Grandad talked to me for a few and told me they were all excited . Mom told Chris that she wouldn 't say anything but he needed to tell his sisters soon . : ) So Chris called and left them messages later that night for them both and Liz called back . ( Oh and side note in the Wylie family there are no " In - Laws " we are all daughters , sons , sisters , brothers and it is very cool ) . When Chris talked to Liz he was just talking to her about random stuff but she was out to dinner with friends so eventually he said " Well I 'll let you get back to your friends I just wanted to let you know I got your sister pregnant " . Then I am pretty sure he giggled . He laughs at himself when he thinks he is funny and it is completely endearing to me , even though I usually roll my eyes I love seeing him laugh . The next morning we met the Blackmans for breakfast and Elizabeth did a great job as a secret keeper . After we ordered I told them that Chris and I had gotten a surprise this past week . And then told them that we are going to have a baby . They were excited ( esp Lisa of course ) . ( She said later she wasn 't sure if it was going to be a move or a baby . ) Jess had been told via text message that morning I had told her we weren 't telling people yet . She told me she is not peoples so she doesn 't count as a person who doesn 't get to know . She stopped by and so I showed her the test and there were hugs all around , yes I know that is a little weird that I showed her the test but she gets that . Later in the afternoon Chris ' sister Laura called and they chatted and then he told her that I was pregnant ( we thought I was about 5 weeks but we found out later I was a bit further along than that ) . She was excited and SO encouraging to me over the next few weeks . I am SO glad we have the amazing loving family / friend support that we do and so many people who are encouraging and loving us even from far away . This baby has already been surrounded by so much love and prayer already it is truly amazing . I have been working on a bunch of posts to Journal the past 2 months but something notable ( to me ) happened this morning ! I had a hard time buttoning my fav jeans . This makes me smile and sad all at the same time . I have a couple pairs of dress pants that don 't fit but these jeans have been working great . The weight I have gained so far seems to all be in my middle . Not so anymore . I woke up with a cold that had started the day before . It had been a sad and bit stressful couple of weeks for the community on our base and I hadn 't realized till the night before that I was late . I decided to take a pregnancy test before I took any cold medicine " just in case " . So with my sweet husband still sleeping I took a test and then walked in to the kitchen to start some coffee . Three minutes later I turned the test over and this picture above is what I saw . I was immediately so excited but quite a bit surprised because we weren 't planning on a pregnancy till the end of the year . All ideas of a cute way to tell Chris flew right out the window as I heard him get up and heard his toothbrush going so I walked in the bathroom with the test behind my back and waited for him to finish . As soon as he was done he turned and looked at me and said " What ? " I know I was staring and must have had a weird look on my face . So I said " I need to tell you something and you can 't be mad " ( As a side note Chris is rarely if ever mad and I didn 't really think he would be mad but I WAS anxious because this was not the plan , I should have realized he would never have been mad about a baby and that I am more the planner in our family . ) He looked at me a bit crazy and said " okay ? " I didn 't actually " tell " him anything I just handed him the test . He was happy of course and hugged me , we are so very excited about this blessing . The way this pregnancy surprised us is actually an answer to my prayers . I had been praying for the past few months that when the time came for us to have a baby that it would just happen and I wouldn 't have time to stress or worry about us " trying " to have a baby . I am so grateful and a bit overwhelmed by God 's Kindness to us . He has a plan so much bigger than anyone we would consider or concieve . We enjoyed a nice 3 Kings Day Celebration ( a day late ) with the Delgado 's and I attempted my first King Cake . It turned out yummy ! ! ! The plate was cleaned pretty quickly which made me happy . So I thought I would share the recipe . Preheat oven to 350 degrees . Pull out your pizza pan . Grab 2 cans ofbutter flavored crescent rolls . Unroll all the triangles and place large end towards the outside , like making one of those Pampered Chef crescent roll rings . Spray with butter spray , forming a pretty circle . Sprinkle a generous amount of cinnamon and sugar . Mix softened cream cheese vanilla & 1 / 4 cup of sugar together till well combined . Spoon mixture about halfway towards center in a ring , then spoon pie filling on top of cream cheese filling . ( If you have a plastic baby or nut to insert you can do so here . ) Roll the large ends of the triangles over your filling making an oval of dough . Spritz with more butter and sprinkle with cinnamon sugar . You should have a large ring of dough . You don 't want a perfect circle , but more of an oval shape . Bake until golden brown all over . 17 - 20 min . I cheated when it came to icing and used 1 / 2 bottle of microwavable glaze from the cake isle . A traditional New Orleans Style king Cake is topped with icing and then colored sugar . I moved mine to the platter b / 4 adding the glaze . Moving to the platter is tricky , it took 2 spatulas and tipping the pizza pan to get it on the plate for me . My sister Tonya was married in August and I had the distict pleasure and honor of being in the wedding as well as taking the pictures . I love you Tonya and but I will NOT be doing that again ! It was fun but also incredibly stressful ! I did love being part of and capturing her day . Tonya and I were both incredibly blessed to be made family through living with my Aunt Nancy and Uncle David . David gave us both away at our weddings . He is quite happy to have finished with the giving aways : ) I am very very blessed to know a good amount of incredible people who have served and do serve in the Military . I owe each and everyone of them a debt of gratitude for their sacrifice and service . I like this definition . Veteran : whether active duty , honorably discharged , retired , or reserve - - is someone who , at one point in his or her life , wrote a blank check made payable to ' The United States of America , ' for an amount of ' up to , and including his life . ' Greater love has no one than this , that someone lay down his life for his friends . John 15 : 13
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I have relatives - a very ordinary Uzbek family , not rich at all . The father is a retired police officer , who worked as investigator for all his life ; he was a person with ideals and principles and never had illegal incomes . For many years , he was building a house in the village where he was born - it took him about 20 years altogether , brick after brick - and completed it by the time of retirement . He married late and had three children ; the elder son is in the army now , the youngest is in the school , and the daughter who is in between had just graduated from community college and works at a clothing factory . His wife works as a cook at the same factory . I would not call them poor , but they cannot afford any excesses . They have a farm , so they grow a lot of their own food , and there is also the father 's pension . However they are usually pressed for cash . In the beginning of the winter , the girl asked her father to buy her a coat . She dreamed about it ; all girls were wearing beautiful long wool coats , and she was wearing a jacket . After receiving pension , her father gave her 200 thousand Uzbek Soum ( about US $ 65 ) , saying : " Go to the bazaar , dear , and take a look . I do not know how much coats cost , but this is all I can give you now ; if this is not enough , you will have to wait " . The girl and two aunts of hers went to the city and wished they did not - they were so upset ! All coats which looked more or less good started from 700 thousand Soum ( about US $ 250 ) and up ; the cheapest ones could be bought for about 300 thousand , but they were very ugly . Her budget would be sufficient for a jacket - not the most fashionable one - but she did not need it , anyway . They searched the whole bazaar and did not find anything to fit into the budget . Her aunts would be glad to top up her budget but could not - their funds were very limited , too . They were cold and upset , when they entered another shop with coats . There were some nice coats , but they were just as expensive . The elder women wanted to spend severThe girl was choking , shaking her head and unable to speak ; her eyes were full of tears . She mastered her voice at last and said : " No , thank you , I do not need a car coat ; I wanted a long one " . " Take it , - he said , - You are the best person to own it . I will not let you go without it , I will give you a very good discount " . At this point the girl cried out , unable to speak , and then she managed to whisper , sobbing : " You will not give me such a big discount " . Then there was a river of tears . The consultants whispered to him that she was talking about 200 thousand Soum , not 200 dollars ( which would be about 550 thousand ) , but he snapped back : " I know that ! I want her to have the coat ! " . The girl was crying even stronger now . " Stop crying , girl , what is the matter ? Here - I am taking your money - do not take your coat off , we will put your jacket in a bag ! What are you crying about now ? " She said that she had spent 3 thousand from that money to pay for the commute . The man counted 15 thousand from the money she had just given him , gave it back to her and said : " They cook very nice kebab nearby ; go and eat , then go home . I am fine with the remaining money " . The girl was absolutely happy , and the whole family was crying listening to this story . We cried , too , when we heard it . This is what we call a Christmas story . These are bright and sparkly little pieces , full of saturated and clean little faceted tourmaline beads on oxidized silver wire . Caroline called them " Rose Garden " and they indeed resemble one - a very Victorian garden , seen in the evening , when all the stems and branches look almost black in the fading light , but flowers almost have a light of their own . It is probably autumn - the garden lacks the feeling of crispness and freshness of spring , when everything is light and new , leaves and petals look like washed and starched , and soil seems to be bursting with energy . Instead , the colors are more of a vintage palette , telling about ripeness and mellowness of autumn , darker shades , richer fragrances with fruity notes . There is still time till winter to enjoy the walks in the garden . " Season of mists and fruity mellowness . . . " . . . I know , sometimes I get carried away . I probably love jewelry too much - I invent all sorts of stories about pieces I own ! Now I want to say a big " Thank You ! " to Caroline , who has made this exquisite pair of earrings for me , and I know I will wear them a lot - I like them so much ! They also go well with so many colors , it will be easy to wear them . My sister wants to borrow them sometimes , too - everyone likes them ! The earrings arrived very fast , and they were packed in the most exquisite way - there was an organza bag , then a nice little box with Gray Cat Designs business card on top , and inside there was a tiny black velvet pouch for the earrings . The pleasure of opening , unfolding , shaking the earrings out of their velvet pouch to cradle them in the hand , marveling at the colors ! Caroline is an amazingly nice person , and a pleasure to communicate with . I enjoyed the whole process immensely , and I regret about being a very lousy correspondent from time to time . Dear Caroline , thank you very much and sorry about not writing back sooner ! Merry Christmas to you and everyone ! Most of the elements of embroidery have a specific meaning - for instance , pomegranates mean prosperity , the wavy white stitch called ' suv ' represents water , and water means everything for our dry region , as you may know - it is precious here ; and there is also the representation of sun in this embroidery ( see the photo below , on the right side of the pillow - it is like a white wheel ) . So , in general , this suzani means wishing a life to be like a fragrant garden , full of flowers in full bloom , ripe pomegranates and clean water running in small canals around - a very traditional Uzbek vision of happiness and prosperity . I have been to such gardens in reality , and I can tell you that I would not mind my life to be like them . . . This pair of suzani pillows is for sale in our Etsy shop , here . I believe the price is more than reasonable - this is our first experience with suzani , and I just want them to sell quickly , and then we will make more . Hope they will make someone 's life a bit more like a beautiful garden from an Uzbek fairy tale ! My New Silky Rug : More Pillows are Coming ! This is my newest find - a lovely vintage rug , smooth , supple and silky to the touch , in stunning colors . I love the pattern , especially the tiny funny animals . It is much better live - striking ! I paid much more than I usually pay for rugs I buy to make kilim pillows , and when I told my mother about it she said I was crazy . But then I took it out from the bag to show her , and of course she was fascinated with it , too . I am hoping to list cushion covers made from it in the Mulberry Whisper shop on Etsy this week - do not miss them , if you like this rug , because there will not be many ; the rug is not big . I guess it is made of rayon and cotton - feels like natural fibers . Posted by We went to a concert of classical music yesterday ( which does not happen often ) . It was dedicated to the Nobel Prize award to the European Union , and featured young Uzbek artists - the Symphony Orchestra of Tashkent Academy of Music and a number of soloists . I was pleasantly surprised to find a wonderful young soprano here in Tashkent . Her name is Barno Ismatullaeva , and she sang ' Musetta 's Waltz ' from Puccini 's ' La Boheme ' . I was thrilled by the very first notes and remained fascinated and fully engaged till the end of the aria . Barno has a lovely soprano , warm and emotional , and she uses this golden instrument really well . Not just me , but everyone seemed to be impressed . I am certainly not an expert in music , but I enjoyed listening to her so much - I now want to see her in opera . I might become a theater goer ! I found her on Youtube ; this is a different aria ( ' Mimi 's Story ' ) , but I was pleased to listen to it , too , recalling yesterday night when I was privileged to hear Barno live . Barno is beautiful , too - a classic Uzbek beauty , like a girl from a miniature painting - but the greatest part of an artist 's charm to me is in the talent , the energy she irradiates , the inner strength . . . I know these are very banal things to say . She needs to be heard and seen to be appreciated - and I certainly hope that she will be appreciated by many people . It feels good to have her here , in Uzbekistan . Posted by These striped pillow cases are made of fabric which I love and value very highly . It is called ' bekasab ' , and it is a traditional Uzbek fabric made of silk and cotton . Bekasab is traditionally used in Uzbekistan for national gowns ( chapan ) and wonderful quilted blankets ( kurpa ) , as well as pillow cases . Becasab resembles raw silk ( not surprisingly ) and linen , because of its somewhat rough structure . Its stripes might look less exotic than ikat and suzani , but it is just as traditional and valued here , in Uzbekistan . And , of course , it is easier to incorporate such cushions into many styles ( or at least I think so ) . I see these as very cottage chic , with their home - made flavor and naive colors . This particular fabric has a very high silk content - possibly as high as 80 per cent - and is wonderfully heavy and cool to the touch . Its subdued gold color with a greenish tint reminds me of ancient gold pieces . I only had one small piece sufficient to make just one pair of pillow cases for the lucky buyer - it can be purchased here , in our Etsy shop , and all of my striped bekasab pillows are here . Posted by ago , a rocket siren went off in Tel Aviv . Everyone ran for cover . Our photographer just took this photo on a train as he took cover . Luckily for us , the Iron Dome intercepted the rocket " - source . Our media seems to be happily indifferent to what is going on in Israel and Gaza . I found two pieces of news , between rumors of face lifting made by an aging cinema star and discussion of benefits of consuming raw beetroot . International news often look skewed , focusing on Israel 's response . My news come from a handmade forum where I have Israeli friends , mostly women with children . From what I understand , it was more or less quiet in Israel and Gaza recently , save for missiles routinely flying from Gaza to the south of the country . ( " It is never totally quiet here , Eugenie " - says my friend ) . People are so much used to living under fire there - it is not even discussed , being sort of normal . And then of course there are constant attempt at terrorist acts , and constant counteraction by Israel . I do not know much about politics , but now I know something about my Israeli friends ' daily routine recently . This is what I read in our forum - just several quotes , those that touched me most of all . " Children in Sderot lived under fire for years . They learned how to find a shelter whithin 15 seconds - this is how long it takes for a missile from Gaza to arrive " . " I look at my son and my heart drops . And I cannot just put my head in the sand . . . We do not have air raid alarms now and no other sounds , but it does not make things better " . " I did not take my son to the kindergarten today - their bomb shelter is too flimsy . He stays with me . He heard the sirens twice today and told me - it is emergency , a doctor is going to someone ! And then I have to explain that it means danger and we need to hide " . " We went for a walk in the park and heard the alarm , so we hid under one of the houses ( houses here are on pillars ) " . " Today is a horrible day . There are many more missiles , and they are much more precise now ; the Dome cannot intercept aEugenie MulberryWhisper Supposedly A Doberman : Rescued from a Rescue This creature now lives with my friend in Russia . She took him home from a local rescue organization . Basically she and her friends saved him from that rescue - the rescue people found him somewhere and then were trying to sell him ( for a long time ) , obviously forgetting to feed him . It is amazing that a rescue can behave like that ! My friends literally crashed the doors of the rescue and took the dog ( which may not be quite legal , but I totally approve of it ) . The rescue people tried to squeeze out some money for this skeleton of a dog ! ( A minute ago my 6 year old daughter looked at the lower picture and muttered - ' What is that thing ? I do not get it ' ) . Many rescues in our countries are like that now . They collect money and do not report on their use ; they neglect animals ; sometimes they let them breed , and even eat each other . Not all rescue organizations are like that , of course - we have some good examples in Russia , too . But not in Uzbekistan ( my country ) . We still have a long way to go . . . . The dog will live , most likely . It is a 7 - 8 months old pup . He eats and digests well . His whole life now is about food - when he does not eat or sleep , he keeps searching the house and sniffing for food . He is fed every three hours in small portions . My friend 's Toller Retriever tries to play with him , but he needs to start feeling like a dog , rather than like an embodiment of hunger , before he can play . However he loves to be petted ; my friend says that he is ' pathologically tender ' . He stands at her side , waiting for her to put her hand on his head . He stands , waiting , as long as he can . . . only he cannot stand long now . He starts waving and then he sits down if he manages to coordinate the movement or just falls on the floor . Lena does what she can to make him feel better . Posted by I found this vintage majolica plate at the flea market a couple of years ago . The man who sold it to me could not tell me anything about its origin . I am sure it is European , but there are just two digits instead of a factory mark . Maybe this is a replica of a plate produced by a large factory ? The design is quite sophisticated and seems very professional to me . I wanted to try real cold processed home made soap , preferably the one made with goats milk . I have heard a lot about its beneficial properties , so when I decided that I had some money for indulgence I started browsing Etsy and found countrysoapsbymarlen . Of course the first thing to draw my attention were her great photos - soaps looked delicious , and I marveled at the pictures for a while . Descriptions are informative and clear . I was satisfied to learn there was no water in the soaps , no synthetic musk , and all soaps are fully cured ( even though I have had no experience with such soap , I knew some theory ) . I wanted something unscented , as a great fan of everything natural , so I bought Unscented Goats Milk Soap , Unscented Bastille Cold Processed Goats Milk Soap and Unscented Goats Milk Shampoo bars ( do not seem to be in stock right now - must be very popular ! ) . The soaps were shipped same day or next day , and arrived promptly . They are wonderful ! The Frankincense one seems to be better than any perfume I have had . I put it with my cashmere sweaters - I would like them to smell of it . The Autumn Magic soap is also lovely . And the good thing is that the unscented soaps and shampoo bars smell delicious , too - they have the very normal , healthy , homely and cozy scent , almost edible - no trace of urban chemistry . The shampoo leaves our hair clean and shiny ; I wash my hair once in 3 - 4 days now ( recently I had to wash it every two days ) . I need to reinstate the custom of rinsing my hair with herbs or apple vinegar ; they work very well as natural conditioners . As for the soap , we are using the basic unscented soap now . It feels great , and my face and decollete look better ( I have had some breakouts lately , and the soap seems to have cleaned them ) . I am not a believer in external means to resolve skin issues and usually focus on my overall health and diet , when I have skin issues , but this soap seems to work very well . Now my daughter and I have fully switched to these products , and I only have two concerns : 1 ) I want to be able to use everything at once and I have no room for all these bars in the bathroom ; 2 ) I am afraid to run out so I need to order in advance ( it is a long way from Wisconsin to Uzbekistan ) . Ah , the third concern is availability of the Frankincense and Myrrh Soap ; I hope Marlene continues making it . In the meantime , I need to make more money to buy more soap ! Even if I do not have much room in the bathroom , I can put the bars in my closet and everywhere around the house . Posted by We went for a walk with my friends today - they have a Labrador and a Dalmatian . The weather was beautiful , the dogs played , and I took some photos . Not much to say here . My dog mostly spends time with me , but sometimes I give him a chance to play with dogs . He still checks on me all the time though . It is funny that he looks naked to me without a collar . We take off the collars to avoid damage to teeth and Jager looks so unusual ; just like a wild animal . And there is a lot of wild in him for real ; I often feel somewhat surprised that he obeys me willingly and happily . My mentor says it is a power of love . I respond by telling him that he is a hopelessly old fashioned romantic . Posted by Madina learns quad skating - I bought her a pair of Chicago Girl Quads on Amazon , based on excellent reviews , as well as Hanna Montana protection set ( my girl loves glamour and Swarovski ) , and now every weekend we go to the park to train . The roads are not ideal there as you can see , but mostly are acceptable . She was terribly afraid at first and even cried once and told me to give the skates to another girl , but then she took an effort and got rid of her fear . She skates without support and learns turns and stops . We are very proud of her little successes , and most of all of the fact that she mastered her fears . Now , even if she falls , she insists on getting on her feet without help . Madina herself is very proud of her skates ( see the last photo ? she demanded that I make ' a portrait ' of the quads ) . We need to find a company of kids who skate , so that she can train and play with them ; I will think of where to find them . . . skating is not very well developed here . Posted by We spent a very hot July this year in the mountains - it was necessary to escape from the city . We stayed in a small town high in the mountains , in a cottage built on a slope of a hill . The land plot was made into three layers , like terraces , and the cottage was built on the two lower terraces ( the third one is for the entrance and parking ) . I always have a feeling that there are two houses there although actually it is one with two floors , but the design is so strange , it 's like my daughter 's Tree House Lego . Me and my dog occupied the lower floor of the house - the one closer to the swimming pools and the kitchen ( excellent strategic position ! ) , while my mother and 12 year old sister lived upstairs , and my daughter was everywhere . One afternoon while mother and sister were having a walk , my daughter came into my room with this pup on her hands , saying : ' Look what I have found in Granny 's room , under the bed ! ' . I was amazed . This little creature , completely starved , keep her . It was difficult to decide how to feed her the first days so that not to kill her with too much food - she was not used to eating . ( Below is her picture after a week with us - she looks quite decent ) . her nearby . The next day we were passing his house , talking between ourselves , and the pup overheard our voices and started whining and screaming . She was kept in a box , no food and water , and of course I took her back . Everyone was happy , especially my daughter . She is not much of a dog lover , but she loved Nochka and hugged and played with her a lot . She also learned to train her with pieces of cheese and meat . I named her Nochka - that 's Russian for . . . eh well . . . Night , but in a very tender way . Little Night . Lovely Night . By the end of the second week she looked excellent , with smooth and shiny fur and no ribs showing ( I even had to cut her portions a bit , but did not help because she was also sharing my dog 's food as well as taking food from by mother 's rescue Dachshund mix ) . My Malinois obviously adopted her and played with her in a very gentle way . very easy to train , lots of drive and excellent wits . Pity we have no dog sport here . And she is amazingly curious and energetic . She wants to be everywhere and to take part in everything . I placed lots of ads but only four people wrote , and three of them I would not trust with a teddy bear , leave alone a real pup . I started thinking about spaying and keeping her although that would be a nuisance ; I did not want to have a new pup at that time . However the fourth person to write was a very nice young lady , well informed and with a firm intention to love and care for ' My Treasure ' . The day we came back to city , she hurried to come to us , and left with the pup . To tell the truth , Julia seemed too glamorous to me to be a good dog owner : I looked at her heels and my heart dropped . . . but then I decided to give it a try . How much I missed Nochka the first two days , I cannot tell . . . I was ready to go and beg to give her back to me . But is she is in good hands . Julia keeps writing and calling , we met twice and I was very happy to see two glamorous ladies - the owner wearing Swarovski studded walking shoes , and Nochka ( called Sophie now ) boasting a pink Swarovski collar . She recognized me immediately both times , but her bond with the new owner was already very good ( we waited for several weeks before meeting ) , so there was no stress . She is a lovely dog , and I feel very lucky to have found such a nice owner for her . Posted by ( source ) Abul Kosim Madrassah is one of the few antique buildings still existing in Tashkent . It is a fine example of Uzbek architecture of XIX century . It used to be a religious school ( naturally , if it is called ' madrassah ' ) , and now it houses a number of arts and crafts shops ( and some of them are also workshops - the artists are working right there and you can observe the process ) . We went there for a walk with my friend . The October morning was lovely - so full of soft light . Even these rusty grape leaves look beautiful , lit by the sun . This is one of the shops I mentioned : they sell Rishtan style blue ceramics . Rishtan village in Ferghana valley is famous for their blue and green pottery which is very popular on of course widely imitated . I am not sure if the clayware in this shop is authentic Rishtan , and it is not that important to me , either . I will take pictures of fine Rishtan examples when I find them . This is a balcony on the second floor . The building has two floors ; the second was mostly occupied by scholars who lived there . On the first floor , they have some small rooms , too , and a couple of big ones which might have been used as lecture halls . Here you can see an artist carving wood , and many doors and balconies in the background . Those are the doors to all those tiny rooms I mentioned . A bush with red berries in the yard . I do not know what it is , but I am sure it is not edible or I would recognize it . Beautiful , anyway ! We decided to make a small photo session for several pieces from my friend 's collection . He is a dealer in Asian antiques and owns a lot of beautiful things - Uzbek , Kyrgyz , Tukmen , Karakalpak rugs and carpets , vintage and antique china and pottery , various accessories , lots of Uzbek , Tajik and other vintage clothing , lewelry , etc . . This time he brought two decorative plates , a teapot and some textiles with him and we used the old walls as a photo prop . Here you can see a handwoven ribbon with tassels - it was used to tie a bundle with a bride 's possessions when moving to her husband 's house . If I remember correctly , it was made by the Uzbek tribe of Lakai who were renowned for their crafts . There is also a lovely small Kyrgyz rug in the background . This is that rug , it is very finely made and supple , and the indigo blue is just breathtaking ! Now , I am quite bad with all this pottery . I think this one ( which is also painted in ikat style ) was by Gardner ( and thus it is older than the previous one because the factory used to be called Gardner and then it was bought by Kuznetsov and then there was revolution ) . I will have to ask Rustam to clarify . Two beautiful suzani in very vivid colors . Both are antique which is hard to believe given how bright they are - as if made yesterday . A mistery teapot ; looks like made in Kashgar , but the mark says ' made in Japan ' . . . The pictures are made by me , save for the first one , but the pottery and textiles are owned by Rustam , who maintains a very interesting Facebook community ' Uzbek Suzani ' . I will ask him to tell us more about these pieces . He certainly told me a great deal , but I am very good at forgetting ! But even if I do not remember something ( well , almost nothing ) , they are a pleasure to behold , are not they ? I have some vintage and antique items at home and I actually use them ; what about you ? Do you like old things or you prefer everything modern and new ? Posted by
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Yesterday I was busy working around the house and about 2 : 15 I grabbed a Diet Coke out of the fridge . Now mind you this is NOT a caffeine free one . I drink it as I am continuing to work around the house . So last night Alan and I watch the Frasier show ( I think this is some of the best comedy writing ever ) as we usually do . At 10 : 30 we decided to go to bed . I get in bed and I can 't get to sleep . I am tossing and turning , no luck . I want to get a good night sleep I have a lot to do tomorrow . I lay there pretending I am going to sleep and NOTHING . I decided to get up . I come down to my craft room and watch Housewives of the OC and it hit me . That stupid Diet Coke is coming to haunt me ! ! AHHHHH ! So I am up till 12 : 45 watching TV , reading blogs and doing searches on the internet . I am paying for it this morning and see a nap in the near future . I really need to stick to the Word of Wisdom there is a reason for all that is said in it . Hugs , Bobbi Jo I am feeling a little sentimental as I write this so bare with me . This year hasn 't been the greatest one but there have been some wonderful things that have come our way . The first is this little man : What a wonderful blessing he has been to our family . He is such a sweet and good spirited little man . Talmage I would have to say is what I will remember as the best thing in 2008 . Then next great thing would be having Coco and Kyle moved down from Pinetop : I love them and missed seeing Coco so much . She is such a good mom and sweet daughter even when she get 's frustrated with me and my craziness . Living with us , I am sure wasn 't the funnest thing for them but it has been great to have them be here . Kyle was able to get into the Academy & graduate and get a job with Sherri f Joe as a Detention Officer and enjoys his work . Coco & Kyle buying there own home and it only being 7 minutes away from me . Even though now she has internet service so she probably won 't be over to see me . ( he he ) I also have this : Let me guess you don 't see anything ! You can place your picture here . My sweet invisible friends who I blog to and stalk your blogs and leave comments . Your friendship and the honor of calling you friend . Some of you have lost a dear one and I have prayed for you . Those of you who have shared your joy and sadness I have cheered you on and prayed for you . Thank you for being there ! We ( my family ) have had a year of struggling to find a job for Alan . Him getting a job then getting laid off . We have had friends move away and some friends pass away this year . We have had an unsure economy , gas prices going crazy and as always on an election year a lot of mud slinging from politicians . But you know when it comes down to it , WE have our family , our faith , freedom of religion , laughter and lot 's of love . So as I look on this past year sure I have gotten a little wiser , a little older and a few pounds heavier but I wouldn 't trade it for the world with all the lessons I have learned . I am excited about what 2009 holds or should I saPosted by This is a post about a conversation with my daughter E ' lyse . For those who have not read the Twilight series don 't read this post . I don 't think I give too much away . E ' lyse read the first of the books over the weekend . She keeps telling me details about the characters . Some things I have read on other blogs of those obsessed with this series and from clips on TV for the movie . E ' lyse : So Edward doesn 't want Bella to get bit . Me : Why ? E ' lyse : He doesn 't want her to become a vampire . Me : Why ? Cause life sucks ! ! LOLA little laterE ' lyse : Edward is stuck in his age so they have to travel from town to town . Me : Why ? E ' lyse : Getting annoyed with me and my questions . Because he never get 's older . Me : Call the press I found the fountain of youth . LOLE ' lyse trying to not glare at me . A little laterE ' lyse : The vampires don 't sleep : Me : Can he turn into a bat and fly ? E ' lyse : No that is a myth . Me : DAH ! ! ! Vampires aren 't real ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! E ' lyse : And they can 't eat real people food . Me : Saying this with a smile on my face : ) That bites ! ! ! HE HE HEE ' lyse walks off as I am bwahahahaing ! ! ! Hugs , Bobbi Jo Monday night was family home evening . I wasn 't sure what I was going plan being that it took me all day to get Christmas decor down . I normally don 't do this till New Years Day but ( too long of a story ) I decided to do that on Monday . Coco called and invited us to go see the Arizona Temple lights . If you live in Arizona it is a site to see . We usually go every year . So I told Alan when he got home and we thought this would be fun to do . We left shortly after dark to head to see the lights . We had to go pick up Dallas at the mall first . Oh wait we forgot to eat dinner . Actually we decided that we could pick up something on the way . So we met up with Coco , Kyle and Talmage at Chick Fillet . We had a good dinner and it was great to hang out and talk . If you don 't know this on the kids meal you can trade in the unopened toy for ice - cream . E ' lyse and I were sitting across from each other at the table and I told her I wanted to go see if they would except one of their table promotion clocks to trade in for ice - cream . ( it was really cute it had a cow in a bathrobe , slippers and rollers on a clock , this is a cardboard thing display . ) I told her she could use the plant . We didn 't sweet Alan went up and got us an ice - cream cone . OH MY YUMMINESS ! It tasted like my mom 's homemade ice - cream . After finishing dinner we went to the Temple . The lights are amazing ! I am always in awe over the time that is put into these lights and the wonderful manger set up with narration . While we were there we ran into Janel & Mark Lamb who are in our ward and she is the pretty lady I wrote about in THIS post . After talking with them for a while , probably too long I love to talk we started walking a little further and met up with Alans niece Lorette and her hubby Dave Haynes . We talked with them for a while too . It is so good to catch up with family and friends when you have time to visit . Then we walked around a little bit more and then it was getting close to them shutting off all the lights and we headed out to the van . We are leaving and runPosted by I can 't believe that Christmas has come and gone and now time to start working on Valentines Day ! ! Ok after all the Christmas things are down . Oh the decorations I have in mind to make I hope will be beautiful . I am working on some organizing and cleaning today . Also working on my 2009 slogan and not coming up with the greatest ideas but still thinking . On Friday night Dallas was to be home by his 12 curfew but fell asleep on the couch and headed home when waking at 12 : 30 or so . Well instead of calling us to say what happend he drove WAY too fast and ended up getting a ticket . Doing 70 in a 45 ! Holy Moly ! ! What a dork ! I asked him why he didn 't just call and he said he didn 't want us to get mad at him . Okay that worked out well . NOT ! We actully weren 't that mad but I think he learned a lesson from this . If not maybe after paying for the traffic school and the class he will figure it out . It has been very quiet around here this morning . Everyone stayed up WAY too late last night , after 12 : 30 including the little girls and most shocking ME ! I ordered my new planner for this year it is awesome . This is it : Amy Knapp Family Organizer I have used this the past 2 years . I love the Franklin Covey Planner , but right now filling it is a little high priced and doesn 't fit my days being a SAHM . This one is $ 14 and has a place for menus , grocery lists , phone numbers and other important things . I had taken the First Things First class for the Franklin Covey Planner when Alan worked for Shea Homes so I just implement the ideas into this one . Saturday Coco and I went searching for it at Wal - Mart and Barnes and Noble and no such luck so I ordered it on line . I am hoping it will get here in the next day or two to fill with the important dates for the year . Okay so on with my day . Hope you all had a great weekend and are enjoying kiddos being home from school . Chat with you all later . Hugs , Bobbi JoP . S . COCO ! ! ! Show Kyle this little guy . He was on my printer looking at me this morning . His name is Speedy and he is about 1cm . big . He lefPosted by I know another post ! I forgot to put this on an early post . I made turkey Christmas day and tried a new way of cooking it . OH MY GOODNESS and YUMMINESS ! ! ! A while back I was watching the FOOD TV and saw a program about this little town called Turkeyville . The couple started a restaurant a long time ago that serves turkey dinners and other turkey dishes 365 days a year . The man that is the owner cooks his turkeys breast down until the last half hour and then flips it over ( by it 's hind legs ! Opps that was my Crocodile Hunter coming out ) so the top will brown . This keeps all the meat moist and so good . The family , even my young non - turkey liker , said it was so moist and good . So next time you are going to cook the large bird try this out I think you will be pleasantly surprised . Hugs , Bobbi Jo Yesterday morning I got in my van to go pick up Coco and Talmage for the after Christmas sales and turned on the radio and NO Christmas music . That was when it hit me . OH BLAH ! I love Christmas music and singing with the songs , it was now gone on the one radio station that started playing it before the Thanksgiving holiday . I was sad and I didn 't have my CD 's in my van either . We only hit 2 stores and then Talmage was ready for a nap . He does get up about 4 : 30 or so . I had a gift card to use and I bought some useful items : 1 6ft . tree for our bedroom , 2 sets of Christmas plates , ornaments for my Pink tree , a cake plate , new garland w / lights for my banister , rapping paper ( so cute I couldn 't pass it up ) and 2 magazines . I had fun ! Coco got some great deals and is competing with me on the Christmas trees . I couldn 't believe all of the wonderful Christmas things were left at the stores . Then last night Coco called and said that she had a little gift for me that she got on clearance . This is what she got me : It is a cookie jar and it is big ! I love it ! Thank you Coco for my cool ornament . Today Coco and Talmage are coming over to hang out with me while Kyle is at work . So I am hoping to get started on some planning and making of decor for the kiddos bedrooms and Valentines Day . Hope you all have a great Saturday . Hugs , Bobbi Jo Merry Christmas everyone ! ! This morning Coco and Talmage showed up about 4 : 35 at our house . Kyle had to work today and the inmates have to have someone watching over them . So I woke up the kiddos to open gifts . Last year I got everyone up at 4 . Sheesh I am a lazy bum ! he he I am sitting here posting this and missing MARKS homemade fudge . Sniff Sniff This would be my brother who went to Colorado with his last daughter and wife to be with the other 4 children for Christmas . Every year he makes chocolate and peanut butter fudge . I know Janel this definitely is NOT on the program for 2009 . I wanted to share a few morning pics with you : Dallas and E ' lyse Faith , Gabby and AlanTalmage , Faith and Gabby Gabby and Faith on their new scooters . Talmage in his Elmo PJ 's . After the gifts were open and cleanup done I made bacon , eggs , toast and hot chocolate . Then Dallas and Alan went back to bed . The girls were playing with their toys . Coco was trying to get Talmage to sleep but he just kept wanting to flop around so being the very comfy grandma to fall asleep on I took him for Coco and he was out in a few minutes . Shortly after that my going to bed at 1 am caught up with me and I was out for a while too . Coco and Talmage went home so she could work on a few things in her home and they along with Kyle will come over again later . I have a turkey in the oven and it is starting to smell so good . So I am off to do a few things around the house and we are just planing on staying home today to enjoy each other . Hope you are all having a wonderful Christmas . Check in later . Hugs , Bobbi Jo After checking NORAD Tracker Santa is in Australia . But early tonight he came to our house . Okay not really it was ME . Dallas was suppose to dress up in my Santa outfit ( ok I admit I am a Christmas JUNKIE ! ! ! ! ) But he went to see his girlfriend so I did it ! And I had fun . This is Talmage when I came to the door and started up with the HO HO HO . He just kept this smile on his face as I tried to sound manly . This is Talmage as I was talking to him . I put the hat on him and he thought it was funny . I love that smile , just melts my heart . This has to be one of my favorites of the night . He is such a blessing to our family and such a sweet little guy . Me when I first got dressed and came down stairs . I think I should have used a smaller pillow . This is me shakin ' my money maker ! ! WOHO Santa 's got it goin on ! It is a tradition in our family as it was in my family growing up to get new PJ 's on Christmas Eve to wear for Christmas morning . These are the girls and Talmage opening up theirs . E ' lyse opening her PJ 's . Coco and Talmage opening his PJ ' sGabby and Faith after they changed into their PJ 's . This is Dallas with his new PJ bottoms . And this is a Pillow that his girlfriend , Sarah , made him . She did a great job on it ! We ate probably a little too much , I always make way too much food . We finished watching Rodalf and watched The Santa with Tim Allen . By this time Talmage was really cranky so I held him and he fell asleep but Coco was very tired and Kyle has to work tomorrow so they went home . The girls helped to clean up the living room . Then Faith put out the cookies and candy cane for Santa . The girls then went upstairs to play and watch TV . Alan has been down since he got home so he went to bed and I cleaned up the kitchen , got the food put away and decided to come post this . I am so greatful for all the wonderful blogging friends that I have made . There are so many talented people who make me laugh , cry and sometimes think a lot of things that might not even have come to my mind had I not read it on their blog . May you all be Posted by I can 't believe it is Christmas Eve ! I get my fixed van back this morning hubby and I are going over to pick it up . Coco , Talmage and I are going to run a couple last minute errands after that . I am making some Spicy Meatballs , Puppy Chow and other snacky items to munch on this evening for the family . Planning on just hanging out , maybe watch a Christmas movie or two and enjoy one another s company . Yesterday I watched Talmage while Coco and Kyle went grocery shopping and getting things moved . We had fun ! He was crawling around the house and getting into what he could . He unplugged my white tree in our enty way and started screaming it was funny . Of course I have picture to share with you . This was after he calmed down . I love the little guy ! I want to wish all of you a wonderful and marvelous Merry Christmas ! May we all remember why we are celebrating Christmas . Our Savior loves each of us and wants us to be happy and to serve others as he has served . Big Christmas hugs to you all , Bobbi Jo As I mentioned on Saturday that Coco and I were going to start painting her house . We got a very late start and got a good portion of the downstairs and the starting of the loft . I have been feeling like my body is trying to fight off something so I wasn 't as productive as I would have liked to have been . So this weekend was filled with Coco and Kyle trying to get housekeeping set up ( this is a term my parent 's always use ) . Kyle 's dad came down from Pinetop to help out and Alan went over and helped to build shelves in the garage . I can 't wait to see the house decorated . It was odd to wake up this morning to now here Baby Einstein or Elmo playing and see little Talmages face . Hopefully I will see him later today . Last night was Alan 's family Christmas party . This has been held every year since I have been married . The family has grown and the program has changed throughout the years . It was held at Alan 's sister and BIL house that has a Grandmothers house that was built for his mom after dad past away . It is in a neighborhood that is known for it 's beautiful houses on the three streets . They have their houses decked out each year with a Santa that sits out near the street , passes out candy - canes and talks to the little kids . This is a picture of their house as we were walking up . Linda made the JOY and painted it a couple of years ago . . There was hot chocolate , treats galore and lots and lots of people . We missed the families that were unable to make it . With 9 children there are many grandchildren and great grand children . This is my niece Angela and her sweet little baby , Colton : The next one is Coco , Kyle and Talmage : And Dallas & Talmage : . Here is Gabby and the coloring table and then some of the family members that stayed outside to visit and eat . There were several of the teens and pre - teens that went inside to hang out . Eating tables in the common area by Grandma 's house and then the treat tables by Linda 's house . It was nice to see family that live out of state and missed all those who didn 't make it . I didn ' Posted by It seems like I haven 't participated in Pink Saturday in forever , so today I am . If you want to check out more PINK SATURDAY gals blogs pop on over to Beverly 's blogHow Sweet The Sound and there is a long list to pick from . Today 's post is my beautiful Pink Christmas tree that is in the master bath : Sweet Pink tree lit up Silk flowers and beautiful dark Pink ribbon to surround it . My Pink jewel flower to top it off . I love this tree it my favorite one in my house and Coco did a great job making it so pretty for me . I enjoy sitting in the bath and having the wonderful glow of Pink in my bath . Today I am off to help Coco get her house painted and moved in . The family is going over to paint , babysit , put shelves in the garage and other such things to help them get settled in this coming week . The house is pretty but Coco will make it a beautiful home . I will probably take pictures throughout the day and share them later . Have a wonderful Pink Saturday ! Hugs , Bobbi Jo I wanted to share something I thought was funny . My Son in Love said to me , after the carolers left last night , " You are the only person that I know that has more lights inside their house and more trees inside their house than outside ! " . He should have seen it when I had 48 trees . Long story short when we moved up north into a 1100 sq . ft cabin we had 2 storage sheds for our stuff . We talked and decided we should down size and get rid of items we won 't be using . Thinking I wouldn 't be living in a bigger house again I started clearing out the storage sheds and gave a lot of stuff to make room and save money on the storage rent . Sniff Sniff well we only have 15 trees now . Oh how I miss my forest ! I can 't wait till the after Christmas sale . Watch out if you see me coming if you are near the trees . My hubby said instead of being the lady that they find dead in her home with millions of cats I will be surrounded by my trees ! I am not really crazy I just love Christmas trees ! Speaking of trees , did anyone watch the HGTV White House Decoration show last night ? OH MAN ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I would love to work in the pastry kitchen or the decorating , or kitchen in the White House . Okay not now that the new administration is going to be in office but maybe when the Republicans are in again and it is someone worthy to hold the office . ( Don 't get me started on politcs ! ) HEY maybe I will run for President ! No they would kick me out I have a hot head . he heEnough of the rambling and I haven 't even had my Diet Coke yet . Having an odd Thursday not sure why things just feel off . Talk to you later . Hugs , Bobbi Jo Today Gabby had one of her friends at school , ( who we will call Heather ) because that is her name give her this big purple and white sheep ( she said it was a lamb ) because of the little boy she likes . Gabby named it Baaaaahb . This is how she says his name every time . She wanted to make some clothes for him so she got some felt I was throwing away and this is what she came up with . A belt to help him get off sugar ( not sure ? I think it might be body fat . Hey I should try one of those ! ) and a tail belt . ( not sure about this one either ? ) I think maybe she has been listening to me too much . I am guessing tonight there will be a secret meeting with Faith , Gabby , Baaaaahb and the other stuffed animals to introduce him so he doesn 't get jumped when Faith and Gabby go to sleep . Now she can say " I have a sheep named BAAAAAHB ! " he he We had a sweet surprise tonight right after dinner . The doorbell rang and then we heard singing . Dallas didn 't want to open it so I went over and the scout troop in our ward was there . Boy was there a lot of little boys and their families . So COOL ! ! I love carolers but they make me cry like singing Happy Birthday , the National Anthem make me cry too . I am such a sap ! Last night a sweet family in our church The Lambs brought over some sugar cookies and cinnamon popcorn . YUMMY ! ! What a great surprise this was . Thank you Janel and family ! ! My hubby is at the class that we were suppose to got to but , I have been feeling yucky all day so I didn 't go . I am going to take a bath , read and watch a little TV or maybe a Christmas movie till he gets home if I can stay awake . Have a great evening . Hugs , Bobbi Jo Today is one of those days I could just lay around and be majorly lazy . I know I have things to do but not feeling up to them . Dealing with some unexplained aches . Maybe old age but I don 't think so . So I decided to take today slowly and enjoy this time before the kiddos are out for Christmas break . I am going to get my housework done , watch the repeat of Housewives of the OC ( I was a good girl and didn 't stay up last night ) and then work on other things this afternoon . I wanted to share some pictures that were taken at the end of last week through this week . Last night we celebrated Alan 's Birthday . He requested Philly Cheese Steak Sandwiches , Corn on the cob and for his Birthday cake since he is not a big fan of cake requested Self Filled Cup Cakes no icing . One of Kyle 's friends , Braedon came and stayed with us for the night before he moves back to CA . , and Dallas had Sarah over too . So we had a table full of talking and laughter . It is amazing what a girl will do to my son . He actually cleaned up their plates : I wish she could get him to keep his room cleaned up . He looks like Larry The Cable Guy ! he he Git - R - Done ! Dallas , Sarah and E ' lyse went Christmas Caroling with the group from our church for a while after dinner . This is Alan and Talmage Monday night . I guess it was too much excitement for Talmage . Alan is eating this up : This one is of E ' lyse helping Talmage to go to sleep . It gets a little loud and so much excitement around here it is hard for the little guy to get to sleep sometimes : Finally got the pictures back of Faith and Gabby 's Breakfast with Santa that Alan took them to : I wish they would have done the pictures before the face paint . I think Gabby looks like she got punch . This is a little blurry but so sweet ! I put my Santa hat on him and he was having fun with it . So off I go to start wash and accomplish some items . Have a great day ! Hugs , Bobbi Jo Today is my sweet hearts Birthday . 46 years ago Alan was born in a hospital in downtown Mesa , Arizona . He was the 9Th of 9 children . His three sisters wanted another sister . His name was to be Alice . So his sisters would play dress up with him : And put wigs on him : ( He would hate me if he read my blog ! HE HE ) He is a wonderful husband . My best friend in the world . We can talk for hours , make up stupid songs and love our date nights . I can always depend on him for a good hug and smooch : This is us in 1988 in Cedar City Utah . He is a great father to our 5 children and the Patriarch of the family : He is a fun Grandpa : And I love him more than anything ! Happy Birthday Big Al ! So if you are out and about and happen to see Alan give him a High 5 and wish him a Happy Birthday . Hugs , Bobbi Jo Monday night for Family Home Evening I decided it would be fun for the family to make Gingerbread Houses . Well I guess I should call them graham cracker houses , since this is what we used . I made a big old crock - pot of hot chocolate using Janel 's recipe ( YUMMY and thank you Janel ! ) and it was a hit with everyone . We all had a good time with a few people having some tummy aches afterwords from eating candy and icing . The first is of Coco & Kyles they call it the White Trash Trailer . ( Clever ) Kyle had never built a gingerbread house before and he seemed to really get into it . Dallas built this one . Do you notice the ear candy on the side of the roof ! This is left over Halloween candy . EWW ! E ' lyse made this one . This is Faiths . Alan had to help with her structure it kept falling apart . Gabby 's little house . I love the big snowman on the side of the house . This is my log cabin . The village ! May we always stay this close to one another . Hugs , Bobbi Jo Established in 1987 . Alan and Bobbi Jo married 41 days after meeting each other . With a family that is growing in numbers as well as love . We are the Nichols Family
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Yesterday I was busy working around the house and about 2 : 15 I grabbed a Diet Coke out of the fridge . Now mind you this is NOT a caffeine free one . I drink it as I am continuing to work around the house . So last night Alan and I watch the Frasier show ( I think this is some of the best comedy writing ever ) as we usually do . At 10 : 30 we decided to go to bed . I get in bed and I can 't get to sleep . I am tossing and turning , no luck . I want to get a good night sleep I have a lot to do tomorrow . I lay there pretending I am going to sleep and NOTHING . I decided to get up . I come down to my craft room and watch Housewives of the OC and it hit me . That stupid Diet Coke is coming to haunt me ! ! AHHHHH ! So I am up till 12 : 45 watching TV , reading blogs and doing searches on the internet . I am paying for it this morning and see a nap in the near future . I really need to stick to the Word of Wisdom there is a reason for all that is said in it . Hugs , Bobbi Jo I am feeling a little sentimental as I write this so bare with me . This year hasn 't been the greatest one but there have been some wonderful things that have come our way . The first is this little man : What a wonderful blessing he has been to our family . He is such a sweet and good spirited little man . Talmage I would have to say is what I will remember as the best thing in 2008 . Then next great thing would be having Coco and Kyle moved down from Pinetop : I love them and missed seeing Coco so much . She is such a good mom and sweet daughter even when she get 's frustrated with me and my craziness . Living with us , I am sure wasn 't the funnest thing for them but it has been great to have them be here . Kyle was able to get into the Academy & graduate and get a job with Sherri f Joe as a Detention Officer and enjoys his work . Coco & Kyle buying there own home and it only being 7 minutes away from me . Even though now she has internet service so she probably won 't be over to see me . ( he he ) I also have this : Let me guess you don 't see anything ! You can place your picture here . My sweet invisible friends who I blog to and stalk your blogs and leave comments . Your friendship and the honor of calling you friend . Some of you have lost a dear one and I have prayed for you . Those of you who have shared your joy and sadness I have cheered you on and prayed for you . Thank you for being there ! We ( my family ) have had a year of struggling to find a job for Alan . Him getting a job then getting laid off . We have had friends move away and some friends pass away this year . We have had an unsure economy , gas prices going crazy and as always on an election year a lot of mud slinging from politicians . But you know when it comes down to it , WE have our family , our faith , freedom of religion , laughter and lot 's of love . So as I look on this past year sure I have gotten a little wiser , a little older and a few pounds heavier but I wouldn 't trade it for the world with all the lessons I have learned . I am excited about what 2009 holds or should I saPosted by This is a post about a conversation with my daughter E ' lyse . For those who have not read the Twilight series don 't read this post . I don 't think I give too much away . E ' lyse read the first of the books over the weekend . She keeps telling me details about the characters . Some things I have read on other blogs of those obsessed with this series and from clips on TV for the movie . E ' lyse : So Edward doesn 't want Bella to get bit . Me : Why ? E ' lyse : He doesn 't want her to become a vampire . Me : Why ? Cause life sucks ! ! LOLA little laterE ' lyse : Edward is stuck in his age so they have to travel from town to town . Me : Why ? E ' lyse : Getting annoyed with me and my questions . Because he never get 's older . Me : Call the press I found the fountain of youth . LOLE ' lyse trying to not glare at me . A little laterE ' lyse : The vampires don 't sleep : Me : Can he turn into a bat and fly ? E ' lyse : No that is a myth . Me : DAH ! ! ! Vampires aren 't real ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! E ' lyse : And they can 't eat real people food . Me : Saying this with a smile on my face : ) That bites ! ! ! HE HE HEE ' lyse walks off as I am bwahahahaing ! ! ! Hugs , Bobbi Jo Monday night was family home evening . I wasn 't sure what I was going plan being that it took me all day to get Christmas decor down . I normally don 't do this till New Years Day but ( too long of a story ) I decided to do that on Monday . Coco called and invited us to go see the Arizona Temple lights . If you live in Arizona it is a site to see . We usually go every year . So I told Alan when he got home and we thought this would be fun to do . We left shortly after dark to head to see the lights . We had to go pick up Dallas at the mall first . Oh wait we forgot to eat dinner . Actually we decided that we could pick up something on the way . So we met up with Coco , Kyle and Talmage at Chick Fillet . We had a good dinner and it was great to hang out and talk . If you don 't know this on the kids meal you can trade in the unopened toy for ice - cream . E ' lyse and I were sitting across from each other at the table and I told her I wanted to go see if they would except one of their table promotion clocks to trade in for ice - cream . ( it was really cute it had a cow in a bathrobe , slippers and rollers on a clock , this is a cardboard thing display . ) I told her she could use the plant . We didn 't sweet Alan went up and got us an ice - cream cone . OH MY YUMMINESS ! It tasted like my mom 's homemade ice - cream . After finishing dinner we went to the Temple . The lights are amazing ! I am always in awe over the time that is put into these lights and the wonderful manger set up with narration . While we were there we ran into Janel & Mark Lamb who are in our ward and she is the pretty lady I wrote about in THIS post . After talking with them for a while , probably too long I love to talk we started walking a little further and met up with Alans niece Lorette and her hubby Dave Haynes . We talked with them for a while too . It is so good to catch up with family and friends when you have time to visit . Then we walked around a little bit more and then it was getting close to them shutting off all the lights and we headed out to the van . We are leaving and runPosted by I can 't believe that Christmas has come and gone and now time to start working on Valentines Day ! ! Ok after all the Christmas things are down . Oh the decorations I have in mind to make I hope will be beautiful . I am working on some organizing and cleaning today . Also working on my 2009 slogan and not coming up with the greatest ideas but still thinking . On Friday night Dallas was to be home by his 12 curfew but fell asleep on the couch and headed home when waking at 12 : 30 or so . Well instead of calling us to say what happend he drove WAY too fast and ended up getting a ticket . Doing 70 in a 45 ! Holy Moly ! ! What a dork ! I asked him why he didn 't just call and he said he didn 't want us to get mad at him . Okay that worked out well . NOT ! We actully weren 't that mad but I think he learned a lesson from this . If not maybe after paying for the traffic school and the class he will figure it out . It has been very quiet around here this morning . Everyone stayed up WAY too late last night , after 12 : 30 including the little girls and most shocking ME ! I ordered my new planner for this year it is awesome . This is it : Amy Knapp Family Organizer I have used this the past 2 years . I love the Franklin Covey Planner , but right now filling it is a little high priced and doesn 't fit my days being a SAHM . This one is $ 14 and has a place for menus , grocery lists , phone numbers and other important things . I had taken the First Things First class for the Franklin Covey Planner when Alan worked for Shea Homes so I just implement the ideas into this one . Saturday Coco and I went searching for it at Wal - Mart and Barnes and Noble and no such luck so I ordered it on line . I am hoping it will get here in the next day or two to fill with the important dates for the year . Okay so on with my day . Hope you all had a great weekend and are enjoying kiddos being home from school . Chat with you all later . Hugs , Bobbi JoP . S . COCO ! ! ! Show Kyle this little guy . He was on my printer looking at me this morning . His name is Speedy and he is about 1cm . big . He lefPosted by I know another post ! I forgot to put this on an early post . I made turkey Christmas day and tried a new way of cooking it . OH MY GOODNESS and YUMMINESS ! ! ! A while back I was watching the FOOD TV and saw a program about this little town called Turkeyville . The couple started a restaurant a long time ago that serves turkey dinners and other turkey dishes 365 days a year . The man that is the owner cooks his turkeys breast down until the last half hour and then flips it over ( by it 's hind legs ! Opps that was my Crocodile Hunter coming out ) so the top will brown . This keeps all the meat moist and so good . The family , even my young non - turkey liker , said it was so moist and good . So next time you are going to cook the large bird try this out I think you will be pleasantly surprised . Hugs , Bobbi Jo Yesterday morning I got in my van to go pick up Coco and Talmage for the after Christmas sales and turned on the radio and NO Christmas music . That was when it hit me . OH BLAH ! I love Christmas music and singing with the songs , it was now gone on the one radio station that started playing it before the Thanksgiving holiday . I was sad and I didn 't have my CD 's in my van either . We only hit 2 stores and then Talmage was ready for a nap . He does get up about 4 : 30 or so . I had a gift card to use and I bought some useful items : 1 6ft . tree for our bedroom , 2 sets of Christmas plates , ornaments for my Pink tree , a cake plate , new garland w / lights for my banister , rapping paper ( so cute I couldn 't pass it up ) and 2 magazines . I had fun ! Coco got some great deals and is competing with me on the Christmas trees . I couldn 't believe all of the wonderful Christmas things were left at the stores . Then last night Coco called and said that she had a little gift for me that she got on clearance . This is what she got me : It is a cookie jar and it is big ! I love it ! Thank you Coco for my cool ornament . Today Coco and Talmage are coming over to hang out with me while Kyle is at work . So I am hoping to get started on some planning and making of decor for the kiddos bedrooms and Valentines Day . Hope you all have a great Saturday . Hugs , Bobbi Jo Merry Christmas everyone ! ! This morning Coco and Talmage showed up about 4 : 35 at our house . Kyle had to work today and the inmates have to have someone watching over them . So I woke up the kiddos to open gifts . Last year I got everyone up at 4 . Sheesh I am a lazy bum ! he he I am sitting here posting this and missing MARKS homemade fudge . Sniff Sniff This would be my brother who went to Colorado with his last daughter and wife to be with the other 4 children for Christmas . Every year he makes chocolate and peanut butter fudge . I know Janel this definitely is NOT on the program for 2009 . I wanted to share a few morning pics with you : Dallas and E ' lyse Faith , Gabby and AlanTalmage , Faith and Gabby Gabby and Faith on their new scooters . Talmage in his Elmo PJ 's . After the gifts were open and cleanup done I made bacon , eggs , toast and hot chocolate . Then Dallas and Alan went back to bed . The girls were playing with their toys . Coco was trying to get Talmage to sleep but he just kept wanting to flop around so being the very comfy grandma to fall asleep on I took him for Coco and he was out in a few minutes . Shortly after that my going to bed at 1 am caught up with me and I was out for a while too . Coco and Talmage went home so she could work on a few things in her home and they along with Kyle will come over again later . I have a turkey in the oven and it is starting to smell so good . So I am off to do a few things around the house and we are just planing on staying home today to enjoy each other . Hope you are all having a wonderful Christmas . Check in later . Hugs , Bobbi Jo After checking NORAD Tracker Santa is in Australia . But early tonight he came to our house . Okay not really it was ME . Dallas was suppose to dress up in my Santa outfit ( ok I admit I am a Christmas JUNKIE ! ! ! ! ) But he went to see his girlfriend so I did it ! And I had fun . This is Talmage when I came to the door and started up with the HO HO HO . He just kept this smile on his face as I tried to sound manly . This is Talmage as I was talking to him . I put the hat on him and he thought it was funny . I love that smile , just melts my heart . This has to be one of my favorites of the night . He is such a blessing to our family and such a sweet little guy . Me when I first got dressed and came down stairs . I think I should have used a smaller pillow . This is me shakin ' my money maker ! ! WOHO Santa 's got it goin on ! It is a tradition in our family as it was in my family growing up to get new PJ 's on Christmas Eve to wear for Christmas morning . These are the girls and Talmage opening up theirs . E ' lyse opening her PJ 's . Coco and Talmage opening his PJ ' sGabby and Faith after they changed into their PJ 's . This is Dallas with his new PJ bottoms . And this is a Pillow that his girlfriend , Sarah , made him . She did a great job on it ! We ate probably a little too much , I always make way too much food . We finished watching Rodalf and watched The Santa with Tim Allen . By this time Talmage was really cranky so I held him and he fell asleep but Coco was very tired and Kyle has to work tomorrow so they went home . The girls helped to clean up the living room . Then Faith put out the cookies and candy cane for Santa . The girls then went upstairs to play and watch TV . Alan has been down since he got home so he went to bed and I cleaned up the kitchen , got the food put away and decided to come post this . I am so greatful for all the wonderful blogging friends that I have made . There are so many talented people who make me laugh , cry and sometimes think a lot of things that might not even have come to my mind had I not read it on their blog . May you all be Posted by I can 't believe it is Christmas Eve ! I get my fixed van back this morning hubby and I are going over to pick it up . Coco , Talmage and I are going to run a couple last minute errands after that . I am making some Spicy Meatballs , Puppy Chow and other snacky items to munch on this evening for the family . Planning on just hanging out , maybe watch a Christmas movie or two and enjoy one another s company . Yesterday I watched Talmage while Coco and Kyle went grocery shopping and getting things moved . We had fun ! He was crawling around the house and getting into what he could . He unplugged my white tree in our enty way and started screaming it was funny . Of course I have picture to share with you . This was after he calmed down . I love the little guy ! I want to wish all of you a wonderful and marvelous Merry Christmas ! May we all remember why we are celebrating Christmas . Our Savior loves each of us and wants us to be happy and to serve others as he has served . Big Christmas hugs to you all , Bobbi Jo As I mentioned on Saturday that Coco and I were going to start painting her house . We got a very late start and got a good portion of the downstairs and the starting of the loft . I have been feeling like my body is trying to fight off something so I wasn 't as productive as I would have liked to have been . So this weekend was filled with Coco and Kyle trying to get housekeeping set up ( this is a term my parent 's always use ) . Kyle 's dad came down from Pinetop to help out and Alan went over and helped to build shelves in the garage . I can 't wait to see the house decorated . It was odd to wake up this morning to now here Baby Einstein or Elmo playing and see little Talmages face . Hopefully I will see him later today . Last night was Alan 's family Christmas party . This has been held every year since I have been married . The family has grown and the program has changed throughout the years . It was held at Alan 's sister and BIL house that has a Grandmothers house that was built for his mom after dad past away . It is in a neighborhood that is known for it 's beautiful houses on the three streets . They have their houses decked out each year with a Santa that sits out near the street , passes out candy - canes and talks to the little kids . This is a picture of their house as we were walking up . Linda made the JOY and painted it a couple of years ago . . There was hot chocolate , treats galore and lots and lots of people . We missed the families that were unable to make it . With 9 children there are many grandchildren and great grand children . This is my niece Angela and her sweet little baby , Colton : The next one is Coco , Kyle and Talmage : And Dallas & Talmage : . Here is Gabby and the coloring table and then some of the family members that stayed outside to visit and eat . There were several of the teens and pre - teens that went inside to hang out . Eating tables in the common area by Grandma 's house and then the treat tables by Linda 's house . It was nice to see family that live out of state and missed all those who didn 't make it . I didn ' Posted by It seems like I haven 't participated in Pink Saturday in forever , so today I am . If you want to check out more PINK SATURDAY gals blogs pop on over to Beverly 's blogHow Sweet The Sound and there is a long list to pick from . Today 's post is my beautiful Pink Christmas tree that is in the master bath : Sweet Pink tree lit up Silk flowers and beautiful dark Pink ribbon to surround it . My Pink jewel flower to top it off . I love this tree it my favorite one in my house and Coco did a great job making it so pretty for me . I enjoy sitting in the bath and having the wonderful glow of Pink in my bath . Today I am off to help Coco get her house painted and moved in . The family is going over to paint , babysit , put shelves in the garage and other such things to help them get settled in this coming week . The house is pretty but Coco will make it a beautiful home . I will probably take pictures throughout the day and share them later . Have a wonderful Pink Saturday ! Hugs , Bobbi Jo I wanted to share something I thought was funny . My Son in Love said to me , after the carolers left last night , " You are the only person that I know that has more lights inside their house and more trees inside their house than outside ! " . He should have seen it when I had 48 trees . Long story short when we moved up north into a 1100 sq . ft cabin we had 2 storage sheds for our stuff . We talked and decided we should down size and get rid of items we won 't be using . Thinking I wouldn 't be living in a bigger house again I started clearing out the storage sheds and gave a lot of stuff to make room and save money on the storage rent . Sniff Sniff well we only have 15 trees now . Oh how I miss my forest ! I can 't wait till the after Christmas sale . Watch out if you see me coming if you are near the trees . My hubby said instead of being the lady that they find dead in her home with millions of cats I will be surrounded by my trees ! I am not really crazy I just love Christmas trees ! Speaking of trees , did anyone watch the HGTV White House Decoration show last night ? OH MAN ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I would love to work in the pastry kitchen or the decorating , or kitchen in the White House . Okay not now that the new administration is going to be in office but maybe when the Republicans are in again and it is someone worthy to hold the office . ( Don 't get me started on politcs ! ) HEY maybe I will run for President ! No they would kick me out I have a hot head . he heEnough of the rambling and I haven 't even had my Diet Coke yet . Having an odd Thursday not sure why things just feel off . Talk to you later . Hugs , Bobbi Jo Today Gabby had one of her friends at school , ( who we will call Heather ) because that is her name give her this big purple and white sheep ( she said it was a lamb ) because of the little boy she likes . Gabby named it Baaaaahb . This is how she says his name every time . She wanted to make some clothes for him so she got some felt I was throwing away and this is what she came up with . A belt to help him get off sugar ( not sure ? I think it might be body fat . Hey I should try one of those ! ) and a tail belt . ( not sure about this one either ? ) I think maybe she has been listening to me too much . I am guessing tonight there will be a secret meeting with Faith , Gabby , Baaaaahb and the other stuffed animals to introduce him so he doesn 't get jumped when Faith and Gabby go to sleep . Now she can say " I have a sheep named BAAAAAHB ! " he he We had a sweet surprise tonight right after dinner . The doorbell rang and then we heard singing . Dallas didn 't want to open it so I went over and the scout troop in our ward was there . Boy was there a lot of little boys and their families . So COOL ! ! I love carolers but they make me cry like singing Happy Birthday , the National Anthem make me cry too . I am such a sap ! Last night a sweet family in our church The Lambs brought over some sugar cookies and cinnamon popcorn . YUMMY ! ! What a great surprise this was . Thank you Janel and family ! ! My hubby is at the class that we were suppose to got to but , I have been feeling yucky all day so I didn 't go . I am going to take a bath , read and watch a little TV or maybe a Christmas movie till he gets home if I can stay awake . Have a great evening . Hugs , Bobbi Jo Today is one of those days I could just lay around and be majorly lazy . I know I have things to do but not feeling up to them . Dealing with some unexplained aches . Maybe old age but I don 't think so . So I decided to take today slowly and enjoy this time before the kiddos are out for Christmas break . I am going to get my housework done , watch the repeat of Housewives of the OC ( I was a good girl and didn 't stay up last night ) and then work on other things this afternoon . I wanted to share some pictures that were taken at the end of last week through this week . Last night we celebrated Alan 's Birthday . He requested Philly Cheese Steak Sandwiches , Corn on the cob and for his Birthday cake since he is not a big fan of cake requested Self Filled Cup Cakes no icing . One of Kyle 's friends , Braedon came and stayed with us for the night before he moves back to CA . , and Dallas had Sarah over too . So we had a table full of talking and laughter . It is amazing what a girl will do to my son . He actually cleaned up their plates : I wish she could get him to keep his room cleaned up . He looks like Larry The Cable Guy ! he he Git - R - Done ! Dallas , Sarah and E ' lyse went Christmas Caroling with the group from our church for a while after dinner . This is Alan and Talmage Monday night . I guess it was too much excitement for Talmage . Alan is eating this up : This one is of E ' lyse helping Talmage to go to sleep . It gets a little loud and so much excitement around here it is hard for the little guy to get to sleep sometimes : Finally got the pictures back of Faith and Gabby 's Breakfast with Santa that Alan took them to : I wish they would have done the pictures before the face paint . I think Gabby looks like she got punch . This is a little blurry but so sweet ! I put my Santa hat on him and he was having fun with it . So off I go to start wash and accomplish some items . Have a great day ! Hugs , Bobbi Jo Today is my sweet hearts Birthday . 46 years ago Alan was born in a hospital in downtown Mesa , Arizona . He was the 9Th of 9 children . His three sisters wanted another sister . His name was to be Alice . So his sisters would play dress up with him : And put wigs on him : ( He would hate me if he read my blog ! HE HE ) He is a wonderful husband . My best friend in the world . We can talk for hours , make up stupid songs and love our date nights . I can always depend on him for a good hug and smooch : This is us in 1988 in Cedar City Utah . He is a great father to our 5 children and the Patriarch of the family : He is a fun Grandpa : And I love him more than anything ! Happy Birthday Big Al ! So if you are out and about and happen to see Alan give him a High 5 and wish him a Happy Birthday . Hugs , Bobbi Jo Monday night for Family Home Evening I decided it would be fun for the family to make Gingerbread Houses . Well I guess I should call them graham cracker houses , since this is what we used . I made a big old crock - pot of hot chocolate using Janel 's recipe ( YUMMY and thank you Janel ! ) and it was a hit with everyone . We all had a good time with a few people having some tummy aches afterwords from eating candy and icing . The first is of Coco & Kyles they call it the White Trash Trailer . ( Clever ) Kyle had never built a gingerbread house before and he seemed to really get into it . Dallas built this one . Do you notice the ear candy on the side of the roof ! This is left over Halloween candy . EWW ! E ' lyse made this one . This is Faiths . Alan had to help with her structure it kept falling apart . Gabby 's little house . I love the big snowman on the side of the house . This is my log cabin . The village ! May we always stay this close to one another . Hugs , Bobbi Jo Established in 1987 . Alan and Bobbi Jo married 41 days after meeting each other . With a family that is growing in numbers as well as love . We are the Nichols Family
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Yesterday I was busy working around the house and about 2 : 15 I grabbed a Diet Coke out of the fridge . Now mind you this is NOT a caffeine free one . I drink it as I am continuing to work around the house . So last night Alan and I watch the Frasier show ( I think this is some of the best comedy writing ever ) as we usually do . At 10 : 30 we decided to go to bed . I get in bed and I can 't get to sleep . I am tossing and turning , no luck . I want to get a good night sleep I have a lot to do tomorrow . I lay there pretending I am going to sleep and NOTHING . I decided to get up . I come down to my craft room and watch Housewives of the OC and it hit me . That stupid Diet Coke is coming to haunt me ! ! AHHHHH ! So I am up till 12 : 45 watching TV , reading blogs and doing searches on the internet . I am paying for it this morning and see a nap in the near future . I really need to stick to the Word of Wisdom there is a reason for all that is said in it . Hugs , Bobbi Jo I am feeling a little sentimental as I write this so bare with me . This year hasn 't been the greatest one but there have been some wonderful things that have come our way . The first is this little man : What a wonderful blessing he has been to our family . He is such a sweet and good spirited little man . Talmage I would have to say is what I will remember as the best thing in 2008 . Then next great thing would be having Coco and Kyle moved down from Pinetop : I love them and missed seeing Coco so much . She is such a good mom and sweet daughter even when she get 's frustrated with me and my craziness . Living with us , I am sure wasn 't the funnest thing for them but it has been great to have them be here . Kyle was able to get into the Academy & graduate and get a job with Sherri f Joe as a Detention Officer and enjoys his work . Coco & Kyle buying there own home and it only being 7 minutes away from me . Even though now she has internet service so she probably won 't be over to see me . ( he he ) I also have this : Let me guess you don 't see anything ! You can place your picture here . My sweet invisible friends who I blog to and stalk your blogs and leave comments . Your friendship and the honor of calling you friend . Some of you have lost a dear one and I have prayed for you . Those of you who have shared your joy and sadness I have cheered you on and prayed for you . Thank you for being there ! We ( my family ) have had a year of struggling to find a job for Alan . Him getting a job then getting laid off . We have had friends move away and some friends pass away this year . We have had an unsure economy , gas prices going crazy and as always on an election year a lot of mud slinging from politicians . But you know when it comes down to it , WE have our family , our faith , freedom of religion , laughter and lot 's of love . So as I look on this past year sure I have gotten a little wiser , a little older and a few pounds heavier but I wouldn 't trade it for the world with all the lessons I have learned . I am excited about what 2009 holds or should I saPosted by This is a post about a conversation with my daughter E ' lyse . For those who have not read the Twilight series don 't read this post . I don 't think I give too much away . E ' lyse read the first of the books over the weekend . She keeps telling me details about the characters . Some things I have read on other blogs of those obsessed with this series and from clips on TV for the movie . E ' lyse : So Edward doesn 't want Bella to get bit . Me : Why ? E ' lyse : He doesn 't want her to become a vampire . Me : Why ? Cause life sucks ! ! LOLA little laterE ' lyse : Edward is stuck in his age so they have to travel from town to town . Me : Why ? E ' lyse : Getting annoyed with me and my questions . Because he never get 's older . Me : Call the press I found the fountain of youth . LOLE ' lyse trying to not glare at me . A little laterE ' lyse : The vampires don 't sleep : Me : Can he turn into a bat and fly ? E ' lyse : No that is a myth . Me : DAH ! ! ! Vampires aren 't real ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! E ' lyse : And they can 't eat real people food . Me : Saying this with a smile on my face : ) That bites ! ! ! HE HE HEE ' lyse walks off as I am bwahahahaing ! ! ! Hugs , Bobbi Jo Monday night was family home evening . I wasn 't sure what I was going plan being that it took me all day to get Christmas decor down . I normally don 't do this till New Years Day but ( too long of a story ) I decided to do that on Monday . Coco called and invited us to go see the Arizona Temple lights . If you live in Arizona it is a site to see . We usually go every year . So I told Alan when he got home and we thought this would be fun to do . We left shortly after dark to head to see the lights . We had to go pick up Dallas at the mall first . Oh wait we forgot to eat dinner . Actually we decided that we could pick up something on the way . So we met up with Coco , Kyle and Talmage at Chick Fillet . We had a good dinner and it was great to hang out and talk . If you don 't know this on the kids meal you can trade in the unopened toy for ice - cream . E ' lyse and I were sitting across from each other at the table and I told her I wanted to go see if they would except one of their table promotion clocks to trade in for ice - cream . ( it was really cute it had a cow in a bathrobe , slippers and rollers on a clock , this is a cardboard thing display . ) I told her she could use the plant . We didn 't sweet Alan went up and got us an ice - cream cone . OH MY YUMMINESS ! It tasted like my mom 's homemade ice - cream . After finishing dinner we went to the Temple . The lights are amazing ! I am always in awe over the time that is put into these lights and the wonderful manger set up with narration . While we were there we ran into Janel & Mark Lamb who are in our ward and she is the pretty lady I wrote about in THIS post . After talking with them for a while , probably too long I love to talk we started walking a little further and met up with Alans niece Lorette and her hubby Dave Haynes . We talked with them for a while too . It is so good to catch up with family and friends when you have time to visit . Then we walked around a little bit more and then it was getting close to them shutting off all the lights and we headed out to the van . We are leaving and runPosted by I can 't believe that Christmas has come and gone and now time to start working on Valentines Day ! ! Ok after all the Christmas things are down . Oh the decorations I have in mind to make I hope will be beautiful . I am working on some organizing and cleaning today . Also working on my 2009 slogan and not coming up with the greatest ideas but still thinking . On Friday night Dallas was to be home by his 12 curfew but fell asleep on the couch and headed home when waking at 12 : 30 or so . Well instead of calling us to say what happend he drove WAY too fast and ended up getting a ticket . Doing 70 in a 45 ! Holy Moly ! ! What a dork ! I asked him why he didn 't just call and he said he didn 't want us to get mad at him . Okay that worked out well . NOT ! We actully weren 't that mad but I think he learned a lesson from this . If not maybe after paying for the traffic school and the class he will figure it out . It has been very quiet around here this morning . Everyone stayed up WAY too late last night , after 12 : 30 including the little girls and most shocking ME ! I ordered my new planner for this year it is awesome . This is it : Amy Knapp Family Organizer I have used this the past 2 years . I love the Franklin Covey Planner , but right now filling it is a little high priced and doesn 't fit my days being a SAHM . This one is $ 14 and has a place for menus , grocery lists , phone numbers and other important things . I had taken the First Things First class for the Franklin Covey Planner when Alan worked for Shea Homes so I just implement the ideas into this one . Saturday Coco and I went searching for it at Wal - Mart and Barnes and Noble and no such luck so I ordered it on line . I am hoping it will get here in the next day or two to fill with the important dates for the year . Okay so on with my day . Hope you all had a great weekend and are enjoying kiddos being home from school . Chat with you all later . Hugs , Bobbi JoP . S . COCO ! ! ! Show Kyle this little guy . He was on my printer looking at me this morning . His name is Speedy and he is about 1cm . big . He lefPosted by I know another post ! I forgot to put this on an early post . I made turkey Christmas day and tried a new way of cooking it . OH MY GOODNESS and YUMMINESS ! ! ! A while back I was watching the FOOD TV and saw a program about this little town called Turkeyville . The couple started a restaurant a long time ago that serves turkey dinners and other turkey dishes 365 days a year . The man that is the owner cooks his turkeys breast down until the last half hour and then flips it over ( by it 's hind legs ! Opps that was my Crocodile Hunter coming out ) so the top will brown . This keeps all the meat moist and so good . The family , even my young non - turkey liker , said it was so moist and good . So next time you are going to cook the large bird try this out I think you will be pleasantly surprised . Hugs , Bobbi Jo Yesterday morning I got in my van to go pick up Coco and Talmage for the after Christmas sales and turned on the radio and NO Christmas music . That was when it hit me . OH BLAH ! I love Christmas music and singing with the songs , it was now gone on the one radio station that started playing it before the Thanksgiving holiday . I was sad and I didn 't have my CD 's in my van either . We only hit 2 stores and then Talmage was ready for a nap . He does get up about 4 : 30 or so . I had a gift card to use and I bought some useful items : 1 6ft . tree for our bedroom , 2 sets of Christmas plates , ornaments for my Pink tree , a cake plate , new garland w / lights for my banister , rapping paper ( so cute I couldn 't pass it up ) and 2 magazines . I had fun ! Coco got some great deals and is competing with me on the Christmas trees . I couldn 't believe all of the wonderful Christmas things were left at the stores . Then last night Coco called and said that she had a little gift for me that she got on clearance . This is what she got me : It is a cookie jar and it is big ! I love it ! Thank you Coco for my cool ornament . Today Coco and Talmage are coming over to hang out with me while Kyle is at work . So I am hoping to get started on some planning and making of decor for the kiddos bedrooms and Valentines Day . Hope you all have a great Saturday . Hugs , Bobbi Jo Merry Christmas everyone ! ! This morning Coco and Talmage showed up about 4 : 35 at our house . Kyle had to work today and the inmates have to have someone watching over them . So I woke up the kiddos to open gifts . Last year I got everyone up at 4 . Sheesh I am a lazy bum ! he he I am sitting here posting this and missing MARKS homemade fudge . Sniff Sniff This would be my brother who went to Colorado with his last daughter and wife to be with the other 4 children for Christmas . Every year he makes chocolate and peanut butter fudge . I know Janel this definitely is NOT on the program for 2009 . I wanted to share a few morning pics with you : Dallas and E ' lyse Faith , Gabby and AlanTalmage , Faith and Gabby Gabby and Faith on their new scooters . Talmage in his Elmo PJ 's . After the gifts were open and cleanup done I made bacon , eggs , toast and hot chocolate . Then Dallas and Alan went back to bed . The girls were playing with their toys . Coco was trying to get Talmage to sleep but he just kept wanting to flop around so being the very comfy grandma to fall asleep on I took him for Coco and he was out in a few minutes . Shortly after that my going to bed at 1 am caught up with me and I was out for a while too . Coco and Talmage went home so she could work on a few things in her home and they along with Kyle will come over again later . I have a turkey in the oven and it is starting to smell so good . So I am off to do a few things around the house and we are just planing on staying home today to enjoy each other . Hope you are all having a wonderful Christmas . Check in later . Hugs , Bobbi Jo After checking NORAD Tracker Santa is in Australia . But early tonight he came to our house . Okay not really it was ME . Dallas was suppose to dress up in my Santa outfit ( ok I admit I am a Christmas JUNKIE ! ! ! ! ) But he went to see his girlfriend so I did it ! And I had fun . This is Talmage when I came to the door and started up with the HO HO HO . He just kept this smile on his face as I tried to sound manly . This is Talmage as I was talking to him . I put the hat on him and he thought it was funny . I love that smile , just melts my heart . This has to be one of my favorites of the night . He is such a blessing to our family and such a sweet little guy . Me when I first got dressed and came down stairs . I think I should have used a smaller pillow . This is me shakin ' my money maker ! ! WOHO Santa 's got it goin on ! It is a tradition in our family as it was in my family growing up to get new PJ 's on Christmas Eve to wear for Christmas morning . These are the girls and Talmage opening up theirs . E ' lyse opening her PJ 's . Coco and Talmage opening his PJ ' sGabby and Faith after they changed into their PJ 's . This is Dallas with his new PJ bottoms . And this is a Pillow that his girlfriend , Sarah , made him . She did a great job on it ! We ate probably a little too much , I always make way too much food . We finished watching Rodalf and watched The Santa with Tim Allen . By this time Talmage was really cranky so I held him and he fell asleep but Coco was very tired and Kyle has to work tomorrow so they went home . The girls helped to clean up the living room . Then Faith put out the cookies and candy cane for Santa . The girls then went upstairs to play and watch TV . Alan has been down since he got home so he went to bed and I cleaned up the kitchen , got the food put away and decided to come post this . I am so greatful for all the wonderful blogging friends that I have made . There are so many talented people who make me laugh , cry and sometimes think a lot of things that might not even have come to my mind had I not read it on their blog . May you all be Posted by I can 't believe it is Christmas Eve ! I get my fixed van back this morning hubby and I are going over to pick it up . Coco , Talmage and I are going to run a couple last minute errands after that . I am making some Spicy Meatballs , Puppy Chow and other snacky items to munch on this evening for the family . Planning on just hanging out , maybe watch a Christmas movie or two and enjoy one another s company . Yesterday I watched Talmage while Coco and Kyle went grocery shopping and getting things moved . We had fun ! He was crawling around the house and getting into what he could . He unplugged my white tree in our enty way and started screaming it was funny . Of course I have picture to share with you . This was after he calmed down . I love the little guy ! I want to wish all of you a wonderful and marvelous Merry Christmas ! May we all remember why we are celebrating Christmas . Our Savior loves each of us and wants us to be happy and to serve others as he has served . Big Christmas hugs to you all , Bobbi Jo As I mentioned on Saturday that Coco and I were going to start painting her house . We got a very late start and got a good portion of the downstairs and the starting of the loft . I have been feeling like my body is trying to fight off something so I wasn 't as productive as I would have liked to have been . So this weekend was filled with Coco and Kyle trying to get housekeeping set up ( this is a term my parent 's always use ) . Kyle 's dad came down from Pinetop to help out and Alan went over and helped to build shelves in the garage . I can 't wait to see the house decorated . It was odd to wake up this morning to now here Baby Einstein or Elmo playing and see little Talmages face . Hopefully I will see him later today . Last night was Alan 's family Christmas party . This has been held every year since I have been married . The family has grown and the program has changed throughout the years . It was held at Alan 's sister and BIL house that has a Grandmothers house that was built for his mom after dad past away . It is in a neighborhood that is known for it 's beautiful houses on the three streets . They have their houses decked out each year with a Santa that sits out near the street , passes out candy - canes and talks to the little kids . This is a picture of their house as we were walking up . Linda made the JOY and painted it a couple of years ago . . There was hot chocolate , treats galore and lots and lots of people . We missed the families that were unable to make it . With 9 children there are many grandchildren and great grand children . This is my niece Angela and her sweet little baby , Colton : The next one is Coco , Kyle and Talmage : And Dallas & Talmage : . Here is Gabby and the coloring table and then some of the family members that stayed outside to visit and eat . There were several of the teens and pre - teens that went inside to hang out . Eating tables in the common area by Grandma 's house and then the treat tables by Linda 's house . It was nice to see family that live out of state and missed all those who didn 't make it . I didn ' Posted by It seems like I haven 't participated in Pink Saturday in forever , so today I am . If you want to check out more PINK SATURDAY gals blogs pop on over to Beverly 's blogHow Sweet The Sound and there is a long list to pick from . Today 's post is my beautiful Pink Christmas tree that is in the master bath : Sweet Pink tree lit up Silk flowers and beautiful dark Pink ribbon to surround it . My Pink jewel flower to top it off . I love this tree it my favorite one in my house and Coco did a great job making it so pretty for me . I enjoy sitting in the bath and having the wonderful glow of Pink in my bath . Today I am off to help Coco get her house painted and moved in . The family is going over to paint , babysit , put shelves in the garage and other such things to help them get settled in this coming week . The house is pretty but Coco will make it a beautiful home . I will probably take pictures throughout the day and share them later . Have a wonderful Pink Saturday ! Hugs , Bobbi Jo I wanted to share something I thought was funny . My Son in Love said to me , after the carolers left last night , " You are the only person that I know that has more lights inside their house and more trees inside their house than outside ! " . He should have seen it when I had 48 trees . Long story short when we moved up north into a 1100 sq . ft cabin we had 2 storage sheds for our stuff . We talked and decided we should down size and get rid of items we won 't be using . Thinking I wouldn 't be living in a bigger house again I started clearing out the storage sheds and gave a lot of stuff to make room and save money on the storage rent . Sniff Sniff well we only have 15 trees now . Oh how I miss my forest ! I can 't wait till the after Christmas sale . Watch out if you see me coming if you are near the trees . My hubby said instead of being the lady that they find dead in her home with millions of cats I will be surrounded by my trees ! I am not really crazy I just love Christmas trees ! Speaking of trees , did anyone watch the HGTV White House Decoration show last night ? OH MAN ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I would love to work in the pastry kitchen or the decorating , or kitchen in the White House . Okay not now that the new administration is going to be in office but maybe when the Republicans are in again and it is someone worthy to hold the office . ( Don 't get me started on politcs ! ) HEY maybe I will run for President ! No they would kick me out I have a hot head . he heEnough of the rambling and I haven 't even had my Diet Coke yet . Having an odd Thursday not sure why things just feel off . Talk to you later . Hugs , Bobbi Jo Today Gabby had one of her friends at school , ( who we will call Heather ) because that is her name give her this big purple and white sheep ( she said it was a lamb ) because of the little boy she likes . Gabby named it Baaaaahb . This is how she says his name every time . She wanted to make some clothes for him so she got some felt I was throwing away and this is what she came up with . A belt to help him get off sugar ( not sure ? I think it might be body fat . Hey I should try one of those ! ) and a tail belt . ( not sure about this one either ? ) I think maybe she has been listening to me too much . I am guessing tonight there will be a secret meeting with Faith , Gabby , Baaaaahb and the other stuffed animals to introduce him so he doesn 't get jumped when Faith and Gabby go to sleep . Now she can say " I have a sheep named BAAAAAHB ! " he he We had a sweet surprise tonight right after dinner . The doorbell rang and then we heard singing . Dallas didn 't want to open it so I went over and the scout troop in our ward was there . Boy was there a lot of little boys and their families . So COOL ! ! I love carolers but they make me cry like singing Happy Birthday , the National Anthem make me cry too . I am such a sap ! Last night a sweet family in our church The Lambs brought over some sugar cookies and cinnamon popcorn . YUMMY ! ! What a great surprise this was . Thank you Janel and family ! ! My hubby is at the class that we were suppose to got to but , I have been feeling yucky all day so I didn 't go . I am going to take a bath , read and watch a little TV or maybe a Christmas movie till he gets home if I can stay awake . Have a great evening . Hugs , Bobbi Jo Today is one of those days I could just lay around and be majorly lazy . I know I have things to do but not feeling up to them . Dealing with some unexplained aches . Maybe old age but I don 't think so . So I decided to take today slowly and enjoy this time before the kiddos are out for Christmas break . I am going to get my housework done , watch the repeat of Housewives of the OC ( I was a good girl and didn 't stay up last night ) and then work on other things this afternoon . I wanted to share some pictures that were taken at the end of last week through this week . Last night we celebrated Alan 's Birthday . He requested Philly Cheese Steak Sandwiches , Corn on the cob and for his Birthday cake since he is not a big fan of cake requested Self Filled Cup Cakes no icing . One of Kyle 's friends , Braedon came and stayed with us for the night before he moves back to CA . , and Dallas had Sarah over too . So we had a table full of talking and laughter . It is amazing what a girl will do to my son . He actually cleaned up their plates : I wish she could get him to keep his room cleaned up . He looks like Larry The Cable Guy ! he he Git - R - Done ! Dallas , Sarah and E ' lyse went Christmas Caroling with the group from our church for a while after dinner . This is Alan and Talmage Monday night . I guess it was too much excitement for Talmage . Alan is eating this up : This one is of E ' lyse helping Talmage to go to sleep . It gets a little loud and so much excitement around here it is hard for the little guy to get to sleep sometimes : Finally got the pictures back of Faith and Gabby 's Breakfast with Santa that Alan took them to : I wish they would have done the pictures before the face paint . I think Gabby looks like she got punch . This is a little blurry but so sweet ! I put my Santa hat on him and he was having fun with it . So off I go to start wash and accomplish some items . Have a great day ! Hugs , Bobbi Jo Today is my sweet hearts Birthday . 46 years ago Alan was born in a hospital in downtown Mesa , Arizona . He was the 9Th of 9 children . His three sisters wanted another sister . His name was to be Alice . So his sisters would play dress up with him : And put wigs on him : ( He would hate me if he read my blog ! HE HE ) He is a wonderful husband . My best friend in the world . We can talk for hours , make up stupid songs and love our date nights . I can always depend on him for a good hug and smooch : This is us in 1988 in Cedar City Utah . He is a great father to our 5 children and the Patriarch of the family : He is a fun Grandpa : And I love him more than anything ! Happy Birthday Big Al ! So if you are out and about and happen to see Alan give him a High 5 and wish him a Happy Birthday . Hugs , Bobbi Jo Monday night for Family Home Evening I decided it would be fun for the family to make Gingerbread Houses . Well I guess I should call them graham cracker houses , since this is what we used . I made a big old crock - pot of hot chocolate using Janel 's recipe ( YUMMY and thank you Janel ! ) and it was a hit with everyone . We all had a good time with a few people having some tummy aches afterwords from eating candy and icing . The first is of Coco & Kyles they call it the White Trash Trailer . ( Clever ) Kyle had never built a gingerbread house before and he seemed to really get into it . Dallas built this one . Do you notice the ear candy on the side of the roof ! This is left over Halloween candy . EWW ! E ' lyse made this one . This is Faiths . Alan had to help with her structure it kept falling apart . Gabby 's little house . I love the big snowman on the side of the house . This is my log cabin . The village ! May we always stay this close to one another . Hugs , Bobbi Jo Established in 1987 . Alan and Bobbi Jo married 41 days after meeting each other . With a family that is growing in numbers as well as love . We are the Nichols Family
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Posted on January 7 , 2015 by Shannon 4 To be honest , I have a love / hate relationship with breakfast sausage . If it wasn 't a link or maple , count me out , more for you and all . Things changed when we ( mainly my sister , they lived at her pond after all ) raised some pigs a while back . ( Sausage , Bacon , and Ham , later known as Bubba ) Bubba turned out to be not so tasty . Maybe because he was a boy , maybe because he had gotten so big since evading the trailer before our trip to Paris , or maybe because he was just so lean , who knows ? They had the same diet , we snorted with and scratched them all the same ( and by we , I mean me , because I 'm a pig whisperer , you know , giggles ) 1 ¼ t Lem cure , I buy it at BPS , AS & O doesn 't carry the un - seasoned cure . Here 's a link if you don 't have a BPS nearby . http : / / www . basspro . com / LEM - Products - Meat - Cure / product / 82821 / The plan was to make links when we made breakfast sausage . The news of a flu season of epic proportions in Nashville made my inner flu - a - phobe settle for just bagging it in freezer bags and making patties as needed . Yeah , one can purchase fancy sausage bags for slicing sausage , but seriously , once sausage is thawed completely , slicing a patty is out of question and we 're patting them out anyways . The sausage turned out not near as fatty as store bought sausage . It 's lean enough that lubing a hot skillet with a tablespoon or so of bacon juice to prevent sticking is a good idea . The sausage also turned out quite darkly colored , but cooks up pink in the non - seared areas and middle . It is mild , so if you like hot , double or even triple the crushed red pepper . Posted on January 7 , 2015 by Shannon 4 Summer sausage : is any sausage that can be kept without refrigeration . Summer sausage is usually a mixture of pork and other meat such as beef or venison . Summer sausage can be dried or smoked , and while curing ingredients vary significantly , curing salt is almost always used . Seasonings may include mustard seeds , black pepper , garlic salt , or sugar . [ 1 ] [ 2 ] Grinding the sausage was faster than we figured . It would probably be a good idea that once you have your venison in chunks to go ahead and start soaking your casings . The soaking procedure varies with the type of casing you use , refer to your directions for optimal results . There are directions in the kit and on the Lem site for either baking or smoking . We decided to do both . We baked them for half the time and finished them in the smoker , making sure that the internal temperature was 165 ° . Posted on January 6 , 2015 by Shannon 2 Sunday , January 4 , 2015 was the last day for whitetail hunting here in Tennessee . Saturday had been a rainy day , I learned that deer don 't move much because they can 't see well in the rain . No sense in hunting , so we waited til afternoon to go get Michael 's hunty spot set up for one last hunt . ( and by we , I mean Big Sexy went and did it himself while I goofed off ) Sunday was not the first time I 'd been on my own . There have been a few times that he hung out in his tree stand a hundred yards away while I had the awesomeness that is this blind all to myself . Sunday was different though , after unhitching the blind and firing up the heat ( part of the awesomeness ) He drove off . Normally I can see where the guys park when they go further back , but watching him through the window , I lost track of him before he even parked . He was far enough away that I couldn 't see his flashlight and he probably couldn 't hear me knocking the coffee thermos over . I have to admit , I was a little nervous , and glad to feel the phone buzz when he texted to see if I was ok . Since I had a good hour til sunup and the radio didn 't bless me with some Nick Jonas on the trip to , I hit up youtube to get my Jealous on . Our teen says I 'm too old for teenybopper music , but seriously , that song wakes me up and makes me want to dance , so take that brat ! After the video , I still had pert near 56 minutes of dark left . I did what any other girly girl huntress would do in that situation and opened a window to have a look - see . With the moon closer to full than not , I was able to see across the way , something glowing , eyes ? I pulled out the binoculars , but it was too dark to see what it was . What ever it was , it wasn 't moving , the eyes would glow , and then they wouldn 't . Deer aren 't the only things that hang out at the hunty hole . There are also coyote and bobcats . I only hunt what I eat , so I wouldn 't hunt either , but I wouldn 't want to be vittles myself . I took Thor out of his case and loaded him up . ( Thor is my muzzle loader ) I re - filled my coffee and continued my stare down with the glowing eyes . Every now and then a birdy will come , lighting on the window ledge and I never have my phone ready . Sunday , my phone was ready , but none came calling . I did see a murder of crows hanging out in the distance . With sunup and quiet time in full force , I sat watching and waiting for the sound of Big Sexy 's rifle , sure that the need for Thor passed away with the sun coming up and the disappearance of the glowing eyes . Giggling to myself about how the weather lady had made a mistake , I started to turn off the heat when the cool wind started rising . Instead , I closed up some of the windows to keep the heat in . There was movement out front on the mountain of earth , but it was some cut down brush and the wind . I pulled my deer call can out of my backpack , but just set it beside the coffee thermos and put my gloves back on . Not long after the cold winds , it started getting hot in the blind , time to open up the windows when I heard a slight thud . I figured it was the crows again , so no need for ninja like stealth when opening the back windows . Thud said the wood on wood as I let the window plop . To my amazement , there was a buck almost upon me . Because they can 't see me if I close my eyes ( the things we tell ourselves when practicing being invisible ) , I closed my eyes and shut the window . When I got the big guy , I was nervous . The scope jumped with the beat of my heart . This time , the only thing on my mind was needing one more for the freezer . Most likely , there was time to put on the ear muffs , but I didn 't think about them . All I thought about was breath , aim , cock the hammer , pull the trigger . There had to be a boom , I saw the muzzleloader smoke , my phone vibrated . " Are you Ok ? " he asked , I couldn 't reply because by the time I got the text was too long of a wait for him and he was calling . " Hey Big Sexy , I got him " I answered . " Ok , just stay put . " he replied , " I 'm on my way . " I was pretty sure he was the same guy that was stalking me during fall turkey season , so I said " I think it was my lil boyfriend from turkey season " During hunting season , I learned that being in Unit L , the deer population is at epic proportions . So much so that during archery and muzzleloader season the bag limit is three antler - less per day , three antlered total season , even so many as to offering a Type 094 for an extra three antlerless per day during big gun season . Harvesting deer in such a densely populated area like middle Tennessee helps to cut down on the disease and starvation that comes with the ever expanding population . It also makes for a nice protein source in this day and age of feed lot , hormone and antibiotic injected , buy it at the grocery store fare . You just can 't " out - exercise " a bad diet . During hunting season , I consumed some things I hadn 't consumed in years , all my rules went out the window because my blood glucose was still pretty good . My weight though , was creeping up on me . How much ? I didn 't know , my camo pants were getting snug , no one could see my yoga pants under my coveralls , I hid the scales . I 'd weigh in after hunting season . My size eights evolved into size tens , then to twelves , so I 'd wager that I packed on some poundage in my plot to out exercise my really bad diet . If I could change anything at all about hunting season , I 'd change the food choices I made . I tried really hard to get myself back on track back when I posted " What are you waiting for ? " , but it 's really not so easy to get back on track when you 've got your old friends " Denial and Justification " rearing their ugly heads again . While I really really want some { chocolate , fried pickles , whopper with cheese , a bun , and fries by George } I really would rather just slip into my size eights and get into some general goofiness . The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2 , 700 people . This blog was viewed about 17 , 000 times in 2014 . If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House , it would take about 6 sold - out performances for that many people to see it . Posted on December 17 , 2014 by Shannon 6 The girls have known for a while that they had a little brother on the way . The date and time had been chosen , so the girls were going to stay with us while their little brother entered this world . The date and time meant that they would miss a little school / daycare , but Aunt May still had school and Pepaw still had to go to work . Two rounds of breakfast is enough , so I copped out . I gave in to their " Reeses Puffs dreams " and bought some freaking cereal ( yeah , bad memaw you think , but hey , even us memaws need a cop out now and then . ) Sweet baby Cam and I picked the girls up on Sunday afternoon . Ever the conversationalist , Diamond sat shotgun . We talked about where were Aunt May and Pepaw , and what we were going to be doing . I told her about cooky making and she was especially excited , " Chocolate chip cookies ? " she asked , and I said " no , shapes , like Christmas cookies " . " I really like chocolate chip " , so I told her we 'd make both . Eventually we got to talking about school and how she likes school but the kids laugh at her . Imagine this beautiful little girl being picked on , I asked her why would the kids laugh at her , they must be jealous . " Oh no Memaw , they aren 't jealous , they laugh at me because I have a memaw " . She told me . " They have grandmas " she added . Since Diamond not only has a memaw , but she also has a " grandma " , a " grandmother " , a " mimi " , and so on with extended family , I told her that now I knew for sure they were jealous because I know she 's got a " Grandma " and me , they were jealous because they didn 't have a memaw . The first thing they noticed upon arrival was that " Oh ! Memaw got Reeses Puffs ! " " Thank you Memaw can we have cereal for dinner ? " ( um , no ! ) Since the late night dance party didn 't end until I about blew a fuse at 3 : 00 am Monday morning , only Diamond got up early . It was too early to make the cookies , so we just prepped for them . By the time the other girls got up , she wasn 't feeling well and didn 't feel like helping . Lovely and Faith ended up eating a crapload of mistakes before I could scrape the dough off the pan and get it back in the press . By the time we got around to the blue snowflakes , we had the hang of it . The girls did not consume any raw blue cooky dough , but they thoroughly enjoyed the green . Today 's plan is to make the chocolate chip cookies , when ever the lazy bums who stay up half the night wake up . Diamond and I have been up all morning , keeping this house cleaned ( lol ) while those lazy bums sleep all day . again . Most likely , they will wake up and want Reeses Puffs , just like Diamond did . They 'll probably wait a good ten minutes after eating to ask me to make them some bacon or eggs , they 're still hungry , just like she was and they all have been each morning . Turns out cereal wasn 't a cop - out after all , I 'm preparing four different breakfasts now . Ground meat jerky is really easy to make . It takes a fairly inexpensive initial investment , a dehydrator and a jerky press , time , and patience . The hard part is really clean up / washing your equipment . Since I 've upped my jerky game this season , Big Sexy got me a new dehydrator , a Presto Dehydro ® . The new dehydrator holds three pounds of pressed meat as does my old faithful Nesco / American Harvest dehydrator . The cool thing is that I can now process six pounds a day instead of three , on the down side , that 's only three pounds of finished jerky , but let me tell you , Gyro jerky is worth it ! Combine first twelve ingredients in a jar or small bowl . Mix well . Add Lem cure if using , mix well . Place ground venison in a very large bowl . Add seasoning mix and mix well by hand or use your kitchen aid or like stand mixer ( for six pounds , my kitchen aid is an arm saver ) . If your dehydrator has a temperature gauge , set to 165 ° , if not , follow the " jerky " instructions from your manual . I like to check the meat after a couple hours , flipping it if it is dry to the touch ( gloves , gloves , gloves people ) . Depending on how well drained your meat was to begin with the drying time is 4 - 8 hours . ( placing your meat in a colander , set into a larger bowl , covered over night will shorten your drying time and will also help get rid of any gamy taste that sometimes comes with wild game ) Once your jerky is dried , unplug your dehydrator . Remove jerky to a sheet pan for cooling . Wait until it completely cooled for bagging , so that there is no condensation in the bags . In case anyone is wondering " Can I use this recipe on flank steak or venison steak for strip jerky ? " the answer is no . This recipe is best used with ground meat , mixed well . The seasonings applied to steak strips even with using soy sauce instead of salt , makes for parsley and oregano on the outside of the meat , which in the mouth was like eating something that had been dropped in a pile of leaves , not good . On the other hand , using this recipe with soy sauce instead of salt , as a marinade for grilled ribeyes or venison steaks was pretty amazing … Sometimes I catch myself wondering why certain foods are labeled as " comfort " . Maybe it 's the comfort while eating , because after a big ole plate of " comfort " , a slice or scoop or bowl of " comfort " , I never much felt " comfortable " afterwards . Tired , lethargic , irritable , moody even , but most definitely not comfort . Not everyone loses their way with a new year 's resolution . Sometimes we actually attain our goals set and accomplish change . Sometimes though , we find ourselves re - hashing resolutions past , excusing away why we weren 't successful , making a new and improved plan for success . Why wait until January , a whole month away ? Why not start right freaking now ? I 'm not saying make a major dietary change just two days before the annual gorge - fest , maybe just make a plan to be a little more thankful and a little less comfort food minded ? Maybe instead of leaving the table for a grand Thanksgiving day sale , stick around , watch a football game ( football games have the greatest commercials btw … ) , hang with the fams , reflect what we 're thankful for and how maybe we can be more mindful year round of things we should be thankful for ? I had gotten a late start on setting the meat out to thaw . Ended up taking a couple short cuts where normally , I would have made my own gravy , rather than using canned soup . As an advocate of " whole foods " I should be ashamed of myself for using a couple of processed cans of something , I guess . The saving grace though , is that the roasted root vegetables ( parsnip , sweet potato , turnip , carrot , onion ) were fresh and peeled , roasted with salt , pepper , and garlic . The broccoli / mushroom bake was fresh broccoli , cut up , tossed with butter , wiped and sliced mushrooms , and topped with a little parm , no shortcuts on the sides anyways … Preheat oven to 350 ° . In a large mixing bowl , combine eggs , garlic powder , onion powder , minced onion , Parmesan , Dale 's seasoning , salt , and pepper . ( mix well ) Glove up and mix in the ground beef and ground venison . ( a mixer is too harsh , a fork just doesn 't cut it , mix it like you 're kneading dough ) . Grease two 8 ″ x 11 ″ oven safe dishes ( I used a couple of glass lasagna pans ) . Pat out about 1 / 4 pound patties , you should get 8 - 9 patties , and place in baking dishes . Cover both dishes with foil and bake for 1 hour . Remove foil and drain liquid into a sauce pan . Add the cream of mushroom soup to the pan drippings and mix well . It is at this point you can combine the patties staggered into one baking dish . Pour the " gravy " ( soup / drippings mixture ) over the patties and re - cover with foil . Bake 30 - 45 minutes more , covered . Like I typed up there somewhere , I served it with roasted root vegetables and a what 's the worst that could happen baked broccoli / mushroom toss . It was a hit . Nobody knew it was venison , well , except for me , and only because I prepped it . Posted on November 8 , 2014 by Shannon Reply I almost didn 't go hunting this morning . Bad sleep , bad mood , bad hair day . Wasn 't really feeling it , but then again , didn 't want to miss it . Put on my big girl coveralls and got in the truck . We headed down to the hunty hole , blind in tow , around 4 : 45 this morning . Maybe it was a few miles from the house when I realized I 'd forgotten my phone . No biggie . Forgot a knife too , potential biggie , but I wasn 't really expecting the need of one . Sweet blind , right ? I type " built us " , but he 's not skerd of no tree stand , he built it so I wouldn 't have to get too far out of my comfort zone and up a tree . Another way to tell he built it with my comfort in mind is that it has a freaking heater ( YEAH BABY ! ! ! ) . Normally it 's between 8 : 30 am and whenevs before we see deer . Today , a flock of geese flew over really early , the butt crack of dawn to be precise . Not long afterwards Big Sexy said " deer " . I didn 't see nothin ' . A bad night of not sleeping , my hunty eyes were only working at about 2 % , when she moved and I saw her . He asked if I wanted her and passed me the muzzleloader . Yeah , I wanted her . There was a smaller deer with her and he said it was probably her baby . ( insert second thoughts ) " Will it live without it 's mom ? " I asked . " Yeah , it 's a yearling at least " he said . I took aim . She turned and went behind some scrub . " You can 't shoot through all that brush " he said . " Ok " . I said . " Take your time , wait til you 're ready " he said . About that time , she turned again , I was ready , pulled back the hammer and he said " buck " . I don 't know if I said anything . I remember seeing another deer approach them , it happened so fast , the lovely lady and her youngster took off up the hill with the little young buck in hot pursuit . Big Sexy did what any other Hot Husband would do in that situation , he pulled out the call . Grunted . BAM ~ ! Big daddy buck pops out of freaking no where . " Buck " he said . " Take your time , are you nervous ? " he said . " no , { panting , think labor breathing } " I said as the scope jumped each time my heart beat . " When ever you 're ready " he said . He had a clear shot at that point , but I had the muzzleloader . I couldn 't get a good aim because I was too far to the right . He 's been telling me how during the rut the big guys act like they ain 't got no sense . He wasn 't just whistling dixie . This beautiful buck just stood there , posing , looking right in our direction . He didn 't see us because he didn 't snort . Matter of fact , he started coming a bit closer like that love stuck little buckaroo that didn 't want to leave me alone in the turkey blind last month . Like I typed a few paragraphs up , I had already pulled the hammer for that doe . I don 't think 5 minutes had passed since pulling that hammer , but it felt a lot longer than that . Deep breath , deep breath , finally I don 't think I 'm shaking anymore , and BOOM . Ok , I had on ear muffs , so I didn 't really hear a boom . " Did you hit him ? " he asked . " I don 't know , it happened too fast , it wasn 't loud , my shoulder doesn 't even hurt " I said , " let 's go see " I added . He told me about how it 's a lot easier to just wait a little while before running out there , turns out , if you spook them , they run further . After a few minutes that felt like more , Big Sexy got out just to go see where the big guy had been standing . Until today , I always thought the waiting to see one , getting one in range , was the hard part . Today I learned that part is easy . There was a little blood where I had shot him , so we looked around and picked up his trail . With tall grasses and woods , one must keep a keen eye out for the blood trail . A spot here , a smear there , 100 yards later , we came upon him . I will not tell a lie . I cried . Not tears of sadness , I wasn 't like all boo hoo cry baby like if my feelings were hurt , it was different than that . If I had to explain it , it was seriously like giving birth . The anxiety , the nervousness , the adrenaline , the joy , the wonder … I sat on the ground beside him , tears in my eyes , rubbing his soft fur , as I thanked him for providing meat for our family . He counted up 12 points . Big Sexy was telling me how awesome that was , that 12 was great . He took a couple pics for me since I had forgotten my phone . Shackle Island Processors is pretty fabulous . They had the doe all ready for us and when we asked about when the cape would be ready on the big guy , they told us 10 - 15 minutes . I won 't go into details , TMI and all , but the butcher is an artist . At most , we were down the road at Mr . Dallas 's taxidermy 15 minutes later . Mr . Dallas said he 'd never seen a rack like the big guy 's rack . It was so cool to see his shop , bobcat , fox , fish , turkey , deer , ducks , etc . Even got to pet a coyote ! Rather than a can of coconut milk , I had a carton . In the winter , often times I make hot cocoa with coconut milk , so in the winter , it 's a staple . Maybe I 've become lax in my ingredient reading , but the list was long . I didn 't want that crap in my yogurt . I thought about getting dressed and running ( ha ha , as in driving ) up to the store to grab a can o ' coconut milk , but the " don 't want to leave the comfort of my pjs and a warm house " side of me was thinking " Google is your friend Grasshopper " … http : / / chriskresser . com / 3 - reasons - why - coconut - milk - may - not - be - your - friend Normally I get Chris Kresser 's blog posts on my FB feed , but this was an older article . Thinking " say it isn 't so " , I ended up realizing the title was a wee bit misleading , he 's talking about the canned kind and lots of ingredients kind . Turns out he has a pretty sweet recipe / instructional on " Homemade Coconut Milk " at the end of the nice read . Heat water to until hot but not boiling . I have a magic bullet type blendermagig , so I placed 1 / 2 cup of coconut and 1 / 2 cup of hot water in and zip , zip , zip , zipppppped until it no longer looked like water and shredded coconut . After blending the coconut and hot water , pour it through a fine mesh sieve . Once you 've got it all blended , place the pulp in a tea towel and squeeze the rest of the silky goodness out . Make sure to try a bit of the warm deliciousness . Store it in a glass jar in the fridge . I don 't know how long it will keep , I used 3 cups of it for the yogurt and drank the 4th cup … My first attempt at milking a coconut was a complete success . It was easier and less time consuming than getting dressed . It cost less than driving to the store and purchasing coconut milk in a can because I already had the ingredients . Line a large ( 1 / 2 sheet pan size if you 've got it ) baking sheet with parchment paper . Thinly spread coconut pulp over the paper . Place pan on the middle rack of a 250 ° preheated oven . I mixed it around every 15 minutes for about an hour . The time will vary depending on if you squeezed it through a tea towel when making the milk , how long you left it in the sieve before putting it in the oven . Be sure and check it often , you don 't want it brown , you want it dry . It 's almost the texture of almond meal . It doesn 't smell much like anything . I really love the color , and after sifting , used it to make yet another batch of peanut butter chocolate chip cookies . Guess what ? I finally got the coconut taste outta dem cookies lol . It was a flop , the instructable part called for letting it sit in a window sill . Well , the cold winds are rising , my stove top was warmer , the worst that could happen was that it wouldn 't work . It didn 't . It doesn 't smell very appetizing , but it tastes good . I didn 't use any thickeners , so it 's not thick . I 'm definitely going to make it again , anything worth doing takes practice . Top Posts & Pages Melt in your mouth baby back ribs , no sauce required . . . Low Carb Sausage Balls 2 day zucchini lasagna ( yeah , it 's worth it ) Gyro Jerky is amazing . . . Why you should not do low carb , especially whole foods low carb . . . Truth is , Type 2 Diabetes is a life sentence . How about a recipe ? Corned beef hash Meleo Meleo WordPress . com © Shannon Johnson and mydiabetesandme , 2013 - 2014 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material including photos without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Shannon Johnson and mydiabetesandme with appropriate and specific direction to the original content . Riddle Me ThisbiggirlsingingI 'm a big girl , who is trying to get a little smaller . This is where I can complain and swear about how fucking hard that is to do . A Girl and her CorgiMy Adventures in living a healthier and happier life # Better Be A Hit ! 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I never once in my life claimed to be an Adonis , you know , the God of Beauty and Desire . Here lately , I feel like Buddha , the guy with the big fat belly . Truth is , the mirror doesn 't lie . It will give you an accurate view of the person you have become . It will show you things only YOU want to see . Which is a good thing because most folks wouldn 't want to see that anyway . However , there is another mirror that isn 't physical but is all too real . It 's the mirror you look into that shows you what you look like on the inside . No , it 's not an x - ray machine . It is that soul , that conscience or that moral thermometer that displays all the good and bad that makes you who you are . Alcohol Anonymous calls it a moral inventory . Oh , it can show the ugly side of me . I hate looking into it and wow , how that person inside of me has changed since I was old enough to acknowledge that it was there . As a youth / teen the person inside me was certainly not who I am today . I was good and kind kid . I spent most of my time as a kid , playing in the dirt or playing in the neighborhood with friends . A pretty good kid . I went to church when church was in service . I feel like I never gave my parents too much trouble , just a pure delight . HaHa ! As a child that grew up in church all the basic things that came along with learning about God , well , I possessed those traits . I was loving , respectful , acknowledged God in my life , caring and sensitive . Later , as I grew into a man , that sensitive side is the side I despised the most , it was weak , so I thought . Things were good as a kid , life was fun and easy , never had any major disagreements with my mom and / or dad , and developed into a normal teenage boy who kept those similar qualities . I was a good guy . In my teen years , not much changed . Of course , I didn 't play in the dirt anymore but I did have friends and we hung out on the weekends and went to church on Sundays , all was well . The mirror back then showed me much of the same traits it did as a kid . Let me add , it was in those first 10 or 15 years that I knew God had a plan for my life and I was ok with that . I wouldn 't start running from God until I was in my mid 20 ″ s . The mirror wasn 't mean to me when I was young . I joined the Marine Corps at 18 and that is when some of those traits started to fade a little , they didn 't go away , but they did fade . I suppressed them . However , those years in the military taught me some more great traits , like honor , commitment , courage , tenacity , faithfulness ( Semper Fidelis ) , integrity and esprit de corps . It was also during this time that I started to party . I mean , we were Marines ! General Douglas MacArthur said , " I have just returned from visiting the Marines at the front , and there is not a finer fighting organization in the world . " So , what better way to honor such a great fighting force , we honored it by partying . We did it big , too . It was just what we did , it 's what most Marines did on the weekends . Remember , I grew up going to church and now that I was over seas and legally I could buy beer at 18 on the Marine Corps base , church became the farthest from my mind . I had forgotten my First Love , Jesus Christ . Those great traits remained with me throughout my life , until about 7 years ago . Let me note that those traits remain with me today , I have just had to dig a little deeper to bring them back to the forefront of my life . As I look at my life over the last seven years many things come to mind . I remember going through that event / trauma that caused me to slip . It was after I left ministry that I used my first pill in a way that wasn 't safe , I started abusing them . I remember taking that pill and as I look back on it now , that was the beginning of a ride that I wasn 't ready to take . I should not have taken that ride ! I regret that day in my life , that day that I added " drug addict " to my resume . I took those drugs to take away the hurt and pain of losing something that I loved and was dear to me . I didn 't want to be a failure in the eyes of God . It was then that I started harboring hate , resentment and unforgiveness toward God 's people . I didn 't want anything to do with those folks and I sure didn 't believe anything that I had learned about God as a kid was true , anymore . So , now that mirror was showing me hurt , anger , resentment and unbelief in a God that I had grown up believing in . Little did I know that this is would be only the beginning . As the next 7 years went on , I became an angry , bitter man . I became a liar . I became so much of a person that I didn 't even like . Shame and guilt became my crutches . Self - pity was a great friend of mine . Needless to say , the mirror was not my friend , both mirrors , the one that showed myself and the one that showed me what was inside of me . I became a disgrace in my eyes and there was nothing anybody could do or say to make me different . I lost trust in people and I always loved people and was outgoing , never met a stranger . Drugs are never an answer to anything . I regret taking that first pill . So , here we are today , life has changed for me , I no longer am angry or resentful . Things happened to me for a reason , although I am not sure the reason yet . If only it was to bring me back into the arms of a loving God , it worked . I have been very careful with this soul searching process . I wanted to make sure that I was sincere and serious about it . This was no joke for me , it was life and death . All the negative crap had to come out or I would be right back down that road again . I had to take it serious . Like I have said , I put in 100 % in living outside the realm of God , I am determined to give God 100 % as well . I have to say , this decision saved my life , give it a sincere try , it may work for you . Now that life is going well for me , I look at what is going on and I want to make sure that I am legit . In making sure I am legit , I have dug up things that I didn 't realize was even in there . One , being a Christian means to be like Christ , I can 't be like Christ if I don 't love . Love starts here with me , if I can 't love me or forgive me then how can I expect to give that to other people . It is not possible . Forgiveness , how can I forgive if I can 't forgive me . I don 't want to hold bitterness and anger inside me . That is not the way Christ lived . I had to learn to forgive me . I am no longer that man , for I am a new creature . I now treat people the way I want to be treated , I feel the love of God inside me and it is a great feeling . Smile , for it may be the only sunshine someone may see that day . It works , try it . If I don 't smile and I am a ' bitter ' Christian , nobody is going to be interested in what I have to offer . It doesn 't work ! I have learned that it is so much better to give than it is to receive . No , I don 't have a job yet , but I can give something far more valuable than money . I can love and respect another person now . Again , I might be the only love they may see today . It starts right here at home . I have to love my family and treat them well . It is not fair to treat others you barely know better than you treat your own family . I see it all to often , I refuse to live like that , if I fail , I will get up and try it again , til I get it right . Throughout these adventures many things about my life have come to face me . Today , I do have to say I am a better man than I have ever been . I am closer to God than I have ever been . I am not saying I am where I need to be , I still have much work to do . But I am certainly better than I was . I no longer crave drugs , God took that desire away from me . I may crave tonight , but I have a friend that I can call on when I need him , his name is Jesus . When shame and guilt raise its head in front of me , I remember that I am flawless . I have some relationships that are a little damaged , maybe broken , but I trust God will rebuild those for me . He is faithful . I am determined to live my life and share my story because I see hurting people all around me . People need encouragement , love and a listening ear . I will be that ear for people . Thank God for redemption as it is so sweet . In 1973 , the Chi - Lites recorded a song called " A Letter to Myself " . Do not ask me what I know about the Chi - Lites ? I may fool you . They are a vocal group born in the late 50 's and early 60 's with several top 10 R & B hits throughout their career . You may have heard " Oh Girl " and " Have You Seen Her " , but this song is one of my favorites , also . The Chi - Lites are one of the great groups of that era and genre , often not getting quiet the recognition they deserve . The Chi - Lites are a long time favorite of mine , as their music is timeless . Lead singer , songwriter , and producer Eugene Record wrote this song and I gotta tell ya , the dude must have been in love , heartbroken and lonely . In 2007 , Kimberly Williams - Paisley wrote a book , entitled , " What I Know : Letters to my Younger Self " , Upon hearing of the book , her husband Brad , felt that idea and title would be a great country and western song . He wrote the song within a week and entitled it , " Letter to Me " . The song is much like you would think it would be . It is about young love and break - ups , life experiences ( both good and bad ) , reckless driving , algebra class and homecoming bonfires . Great tune , you should check it . Furthermore , the song " Letter to Myself " won a Grammy in 2009 . Fast - forward to 2014 , MercyMe has a great new song out , on their newest album , called " Dear Younger Me " . I encourage you to listen , as it is a great tune . As I listened to this song , I thought about life and the trials that it has brought me . Some of these trials have been self - inflicted , however , they have been trials , nonetheless . Reality is tough to swallow , sometimes . As a matter of fact , there are times when reality will kick you in the throat . Memories flooded my mind as the tune played out . Tears began to flow as all those memories made their way to the front of my brain . So , I asked myself , " Self , what would you say to yourself if you could reread / rewrite your life . What would you say to your younger self ? " Hmm , interesting question ! There are so manyDear younger me , Hey there , You ! I hope you find yourself well , as you are about to embark on some very important years . I know you have already made some important decisions in your life . How proud I am of you in choosing the Marine Corps as a foundation for your life . I am sure the Marines will teach you some great things . I think they found one of the few good men in you . I know you have found the love of your life already . Some folks spend a lifetime looking for that " one " person , you found her early . That decision alone will save you some heart break along the path of your life . Embrace her . Now that life is just beginning for you , let me tell you some things that will give you a small edge when you are older . I offer these only as advice , had I heard them when I was your age life may be a little different today . First , Love , and love with all of your might . Love deeply , compassionately and without any limitations . Love is an action and you use that action on the ones you love , in the way that I described it . If you still don 't get it , go to scripture , 1Cor 13 : 4 - 7 . That is the perfect example of love . However , love can come with some hurts along the way , but let your love go deeper . 1Peter 4 : 8 says , " Above all , love each other deeply , because love covers a multitude of sin . " Tim , not only are you to love your family and friends , you are to love the people you don 't know and be sure to love your enemy . Secondly , Forgive . Life is tough sometimes , people will fail you and people will hurt you . Forgive them . Just as you would want to be forgiven . Some people will not forgive you or they may put stipulations on you , forgive em anyway . It will be so beneficial if you learn this now . Holding in unforgiveness will ravish your very soul . It will eat at you until you are eaten up with anger and hate . Trust me you do not want that . It 'll eat away the very good that is in you . FORGIVE ! Third , Be Brave and take Chances , life is going to offer you many great opportunities , take em . Do not be afraid to take chances . If you fail 7 times , get up and try 7 more . If it is college , a career , or a dream take the chance . The regrets will not be in the failures or successes of your hopes and dreams , but there will be regret if you didn 't try . Try and Try again . Fourth , be a man , being a man is way more than just providing , a career , or knocking heads around . Providing is good , that 's a start , but be there when the ones you love need you . Do not make excuses , or estrange yourself from the ones you hold dear . They may not be there forever . Be that safe place she can land when she needs a shoulder . If she needs to be held , hold her . Dress up for her and for you , look good , she 'll be proud of you . Always show her how proud you are of her , all the time . Start and end everyday with a prayer . Oh , she 'll dig that . Compliments , they mean a whole lot . Be vulnerable , show them ( the ones you love ) the real you , the person you are when no one is looking . Look , this next one took me a long time to figure out , cry . Let the tears flow when you need to . There is no shame in it . Ultimately , those tears become tiny barbells , as they will strengthen you . This things are what make a man ! Fifth , is Fear . Fear those things that can hurt you . Drugs , don 't touch em and don 't even look at them . There is no shame in not knowing what they look like , smell like , etc . They will destroy you . You are not bigger than drugs . Fear them ! Alcohol , what greater testimony than to be able to tell someone you have never even tried the stuff . You know that alcoholism and addiction run in your family . Don 't touch the stuff . Cigarettes and snuff , just stay away from em , they offer nothing good to you . Fear can be a healthy thing if you use it properly . Fear God ! No , do not be afraid of him , but acknowledge him as the Power he is . Read about him . Learn about him and fear him . Last but not least , I have seen you as a young kid embrace God . Embrace him , love him , and spend time with him . You spend time with him by reading your bible and praying . Do not forsake this . You have been doing these things a long time , do not let these habits go . If you lose your faith you will be lost . Do not turn your back on him , he will never fail you . He will let you run around like a knucklehead searching for whatever it is you want to search for , but ultimately he reaches his arms out , longing for your embrace . That is what he wants from you . He loves you . Embrace him . Go to church too . Do not foresake the gathering of the saints ( Hebrews 10 : 25 ) . They are not God and God isn 't religion , remember that ! I left this one last because chances are you will remember the first one and the last one , but the ones in between are going to get blurred , you will learn . I believe in you ! I wished I could tell you that life is going to be with out any bumps in the road , but I can 't . Chances are good that you are going to encounter some things that are going to knock the wind out of you . Be brave young man , keep moving . Chances are good that things are going to come along to try your faith , remember this , Greater is he that is in me than he that is in the world ! I wished I could assure you that every decision and choice you are going to make are going to be great ones , but I can 't give you that assurance . You are probably going to make some stupid mistakes and choices , its part of growing , GROW ! I can assure you this , that those choices you make will eventually make you the man you will become . Life is confusing at times , the only instruction we have is the Bible , read it like your life depends on it . I leave you with one more thing , Laugh . Laughter does the heart good like a medicine . If you walk around with a sour face , people will never take your " good " words serious . Besides , who would want what you got if you look bitter and sound bitter all the time ( Its called Joy ) ? Not me ! PS . Never touch a snake and always wear sunscreen ! Some days I didn 't want to move , didn 't want to get up out of bed . Other days I wanted to die . Sleep was my only friend as the depression consumed my soul . Thanksgiving was here , I wasn 't thankful for anything , I was angry because I was alive . Alone , I walked out to a field , very secluded area and fell down on my knees , begging for relief , something , somebody , please take this hurt . Please take the shame and guilt from me . I wasn 't worthy to even cry out to God , I wasn 't even sure there was a God . If there was a God he didn 't show up that day , but believe me , the Darkness was close by . I wept for what seemed like an eternity . I was ringing my hands that day , picking my scabs , that day I was lost . Thanksgiving 2013 was a dark day . There were many a dark day ahead , I just didn 't know . The battle for my soul led me down a dirty road . A road that I am not proud of . I have heard that God isn 't this or he isn 't that , or there is no God and that is ok that one believes that . Reality is , there is a battle going on , a battle for my very life . You see , I knew God , I have to look in the mirror everyday and see a Fallen Down Man of God , that 's not easy . Not too mention , a disgrace of a husband , a father that walked out of his families life , I am a brother that didn 't cling to his siblings , I am a son that was estranged from his mother and father . I was an employee that took advantage of one of the greatest opportunities and the greatest man that God had ever put into my life . I blew it ! I was a friend that didn 't stick closer than a brother . You see I was a drug addict and then I started drinking because I couldn 't get drugs when I needed them . There is a battle going on for my soul ! I was suicidal because I let darkness in . I had begun to cut ties with my family , eventually I was gonna kill myself . I listened to the lies of the evil one that told me I was all those things . Let me say this , not one time as a follower of Christ did I ever feel those ways or do any of those things . Even if he isn 't real , the goodness of life is worth the change . Scientifically , he is the great physicist , there is no explaining with our simple minds . Sure , I could rationalize this , but there is no need for rationalization when I can smile today ! It wasn 't that long ago that I couldn 't smile . In April of 2007 , I decided in my mind that I was no longer gonna listen to , believe in a God that allowed me to feel hurt like I felt . I did not want anything to do with him or his people . They had hurt me and my family . Why would I wanna associate with something like that ? My kids are almost grown now , well , one is right on the precipice of being grown and one is still a little short of it , though she thinks she is grown . They both are very hesitant of God and his workings , but they will get there . It was that month , in 2007 , that my life would never be the same . At 33 years old I took my first hydrocodone , in a way that was not proper , or Dr prescribed . My life and use rocketed from there . I couldn 't control it , but it took my hurt away . That 's all I wanted it to do . I had failed at something I felt was my destiny , my calling , my ministry and those little pills became my mistress . They became my life , as I would go to whatever length or pit I had to do to get em . They were my God . Now , at this point in my life I was not an atheist , because I believed there was some kind of spiritual being out there , but that he was no longer interested in me because I SUCKED ! He was for other people , why would he want me back ? Maybe I had become agnostic , but again , I do not think so because I believed in a Higher Power ( God ) , he just wasn 't for me . I guess I was indifferent , or I thought claiming to be agnostic was a cop out and I certainly am not a " coward " , I gotta believe in something . I was to afraid to call Satan , my God , because I was terrified of that whole scenario . I have seen the Exorcist . I was a speck of dust just searching for something . Everywhere I turned led me to more darkness . I just think that we as human beings should believe in something . Heck , I even thought about Buddhism at one point , great idea there , some of it ! Christianity , today , seemed so unstable , it involves so many different aspects of belief ( religion ) . We have Baptist , Methodist , Lutheran , Pentecostal , Evangelicals , Holiness , etc etc . You understand what I am saying . Let me clear this up , I am not bashing any of those . I grew up Pentecostal ( Church of God ) , I say do your thing . I just wasn 't sure the whole religious identity was for me . I didn 't get it anymore . There should be a Christian organization called Hypocriticals , I believe they would be the largest group involved with religion , if they would admit it and form it , just kidding , don 't get your briefs in a wad , that was a joke . Seriously , I felt like Gandhi when he said , “… . . I do not like your Christians . Your Christians are so unlike your Christ . " That is were I was , DONE ! Back to 2013 , my life had spiralled out of control . My marriage was failing , at this point I had left the house , I was addicted to pain killers , I was burning a couple trees , I was pretty good at drinking beer , I was depressed beyond anything I have ever felt before , I had lost my job ( which is a story in itself ; how the greatness of God had even given me that job ) , I was picked up by police and put in a hospital because I literally felt like I was losing my mind , suicidal . I felt alone , I felt my kids hated me , I felt my wife hated me , I felt everybody hated me . I didn 't have any hope , but there were days I remembered what Andy Dufresne said in The Shawshank Redemption , " Remember , Red , hope is a good thing , maybe the best of things . And no good thing ever dies . " I clung to that occasionally . I certainly had blocked out all the love that ever existed , full of anger and hate , regret , shame , guilt and Alone . While in the hospital , I even blocked calls from my wife , I didn 't want to hear her voice , after all , " She put me in there " . I laugh now , at the time it was far from funny . I put me in there ! My wife was dealing with issues of her own . I will let her fill you in on that if she so desires . However , I will tell you , I went to rehab on November of 2007 and again in May of 2008 , her father passed away in 2009 and her mother passed in 2010 ( May they both RIP in Heaven ) . She had a hysterectomy in 2010 . She had a lot on her . After I left , in November of 2013 , she did a whole lot of soul searching and a bunch of work to get herself mentally where she felt she could function . Let me tell you , she went to work , her and God the Father , God the Son and God the Holy Spirit . Throughout November and December and into January , I wanted nothing to do with her . I didn 't want to talk to her , see her or even think about her . However , she and God had other plans . Don 't get me wrong , we have loved one another since we were kids at church , teenagers really . She was the one I saw and I knew that God had plans for us and I would always love her but the marriage was over , as far as I was concerned . There were days she would text me the kindest words , loving words , words that started to penetrate my heart . I was a stone though . I was not gonna let her back in , after all she was the reason I was hospitalized . HaHa ! Joke was on me ! After a while , and occasionally those few months we would talk and I could tell she was no longer the same person that she was when I left . She was so kind and loving toward me , so caring and even supportive of me , not the choices or the life I was making and living , but my heart and soul . She was supporting the man that I was and I never wanted to be again . She was loving towards me , even after all I have done and said to her . She loved me and believed in me when I felt no one should . She saved my life . She will tell you that it wasn 't her and I know it wasn 't her , but she was a willing vessel that was being used by God . I could never thank her enough . Today , she is better than the girl that I married 22 years ago . She is the most beautiful person I know . Today , I write this with a new heart . Today , I am home , our marriage is reconciled . But , early this morning ( 30 April 2014 ) at 0130 I woke up and couldn 't go back to sleep . I believe it was a divine awakening . I felt a baseball sized lump in my throat and I knew what I had to do . I talked to God . Sobbing , I told him what I thought and he listened . I asked for forgiveness for all I have done and I asked Jesus Christ into my heart and to be the lover of my soul . He graciously welcomed me back . I know how the prodigal son must have felt , because , I was him . Today , my slate is clean . I am a new man with a new heart . Why is this such a big deal for me ? Because , I said I would never do it again after he failed me . He didn 't fail me , I failed him . But , Thank God for second chances , third chances or even fourth chances . Here we are , another week , another Monday . Wow , it started like any typical Monday . I felt very discouraged this morning . Well …… I will tell you why , I have lost more things due to my STOOPIDITY than I care to count . My wife got her a second job and I can 't find ONE job . One vehicle family , sucks , I am forty years old , I should have a job and a car / truck …… I guess it goes back to being a Man , I didn 't feel very manly this morning , titty baby maybe but whatever , it is what it is ! I don 't have a lawn mower as I was gonna buy me one but messed around and lost my job because once again , my STOOPIDITY . I need to cut my stinking grass ! My daughter is sick , spent Saturday nite and early Sunday in the ER . Sunday , I was so tired I couldn 't think strait , I was really in a crappy mood . Should I go on , I believe I will . First , let me say , I am not crying out for help from anybody , please do not think that . I am just crying , moaning and complaining so you can Feel where I was this morning and the last 24 hours . So , the last couple of days I have been doing this and that , reading , writing , and getting very encouraged . Even , got to the point I said to myself , " Tim , I think its time for you to get down on your knees and fight like a man ( pray … in case I confused you ) " , even was at the point of having a talk with God about cleansing my soul and washing me white again , and coming in to be the master of my life . Cause believe me , being a slave to drugs , anger , hate , sadness , guilt and shame drove me to suicidal thinking . Which I am glad I didn 't go that far . I will save that far a later date to talk about . I would rather be a slave to God than that other Madness . Anyhow , as I searched out my heart , I thought , " lets try again God , lets see if all those things I was taught as a kid about you are true . Lets just see if you are real . Besides , if I do allow you in my heart , its gotta be better than that life . " I still haven 't found what I 'm looking for , thanks Bono . Then , it happened , I woke up , pissed off Trying to get my head outta my butt this morning , I just started thinking about different things . I tell you the truth , it was stuck , I couldn 't pull my head outta my butt . Then something hit me , I started thinking about the valley . I remember several years ago , Lamar Harrison , I am sure he wouldn 't mind me telling this . He was preparing to sing a song or he was just ministering about the valley . I remember he said there is life in the valley . Things grow in the valley . It is green in the valley . What do I do , I google valley and search the images and there it is . Every picture I see , every valley is green and full of life and there are cities there in the valley . Flowers grow in the valley . Animals live and thrive in the valley , waters flow through the valleys . You think that 's coincidence , I think not . But , I did continue on with those thoughts and I thought about Mt Everest . My son came home from Orlando last night … Imma break in and brag about him for a sec . My son is President of the Honors Program and is an officer in Phi Theta Kappa at Pearl River Community College . The PTK had their annual , national convention this past week in Orlando , therefore he went . Proud of that young man . He came in telling me about this lady that climbed Mt Everest ( 3 times ) , she is a scholar and she was speaking at the convention , but I can 't recall her name . Nevertheless , she spoke about her adventures and how one time she attempted to climb but there was a storm therefore she and her team couldn 't do it that day . Storms will destroy any great plan . She spoke of her journey and how she had to prepare for her ascent to the summit . I can 't remember exact detail but this is the meat and potatoes of what she spoke about . Upon getting to the first of three base camps , you have to stay there several days to get acclimated to the elevation and lack of oxygen . Once the allotted time is met , you have to hike to the second base camp , stay there the night and return to the original base camp . then repeat . Once you are back atGoing Forward in Reverse , Church was always a big part of my life , I knew that God had great things for me but never really questioned it until I discharged from the Marines . While serving , we stopped going to church . It seemed odd for me not going to church but I was a Marine now and I didn 't think of it as important . However , back home in Mississippi it was time for us to get involved with church again and so life went on . From 1996 until 2000 , our life was just as any other couple , learning , laughing and loving . Spiritually , we were well . I was a happy man , with a good life and a great family . I began to struggle with my my spirituality in those few years between 96 and 2000 . I wrestled with God and even one point wept , pleading with God to just leave me alone and let me live my life as a good Christian man . He had other plans . Finally , in 2001 I accepted the call of God in my life . My family and I left the church we had known as kids , the church I first saw my future wife in when I was 15 and knew that she was gonna be mine . The church I first kissed my future wife at , in the parking lot , after church of course . The church she and I were married in . The church we dedicated our kids to God in . The church my mother still goes to today . The only church I knew . This was a very difficult decision but we made the decision and rocked on . We started attending another smaller church , with a great pastor whom I love dearly . Later , I would become youth pastor and ultimately pastor . There is so much more about my formative years , teenage years and my young married years I could tell , but we will talk about that later , as this is just to let you know who I am . This is just the beginning of a journey I have never taken . I don 't know what is compelling me to tell my story , other than the fact that this is a healing for me . Believe me , as you will see later I am a sick man . If I can tell my story and it helps one person then I can say it was worth it , but until then , I still ask myself " why me " . Throughout this journey of blogging , I hope you can feel some of my hurts , feel my inspiration , feel the love that is being restored to me . I hope to share some of those feelings of love , hope , peace and joy . Grant you , this is starting out as a spiritual journey . I didn 't intend for that to be , it just is . To understand fully what I am saying , it must be understood that I was a church kid , a spiritual kid and a loving kid but somewhere along the way I lost those things . My blog is not to preach to or convince you that my way will work for you , you have your own beliefs , I just wanna tell you my story . I am gonna try my best to tell you what being a Man is . I will tell you what drugs will do to your life . I am gonna share with you how darkness invaded my life and made me do things I thought I would never do . I am gonna share with you my thoughts about music and share with you the " Metal " tunes that I love . I love music , you are gonna hear some great tunes . Bob Marley said , " One good thing about music , when it hits you , you feel no pain . " How true is that ? Someday 's I may share with you other things that interest me , things I may find beauty in . Other days , I may share some compelling news . I assure you , you will find something you will enjoy . Several years ago , I had a dream that I was gonna one day write a book . Now , I am not a writer by profession , heck , I am not even an amateur writer , but I woke up with a title of a book and that is why I chose my title , Going Forward in Reverse . The thought is , throughout my life I have moved along but it always seemed backwards to me , thus the title . Maybe , the blog was what I was gonna do . I do not know . This is a brand new trip for me . I invite you to come along . If there is a day that you do not agree with me or I offend you , please email me , we can talk . Don 't judge me , this is my life . This is life through my eyes . Thank you for reading . I am pretty excited about this blog . I look forward to reading yours . Sit back and watch what this is gonna turn into . Going Forward in Reverse ! Recent Comments Annie Parris McGee on A Final Call ! Ben on A Final Call ! Pam Posey on A Final Call ! Tammie Sokol on A Final Call ! timboh1 on Oh , God ! How Could You ? My Let … Archives October 2014
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So the kids went back to school today . Can I just say how much I love the first day of school ? Everyone woke up happy this morning , got ready with minimal fighting ( though I did have to threaten to take away a Nerf gun when a perpetrator kept aiming it at a sister ) , and was out the door in plenty of time to take pictures before the school bus arrived . Here are some quick snaps from this morning . Our Second Grader ( minus a couple of teeth ) The school kids . I told them to show me how happy they were to go to school . You can see who 's trying not to show his excitement . So after a rather lengthy hiatus ( we 'll blame it on the house , feeling sick and general craziness around here ) we 're back ! We 've nixed the idea of starting the blog all over and transferred those posts here so everything is in one place for your convenience . ( We 're so nice , aren 't we ! ) The big kids started school this morning and life is ( kind of ) back to ( almost ) normal around here ! Chloe and I are going to play a game of cards ( she found Daddy 's old baseball cards in the attic and now we need to play some kind of game with them that seems to be similar to Go Fish crossed with " these guys look funny because they have funny looking mustaches . " We 'll post pictures later ! We have taken the opportunity to spent a lot of mother - children time . The other day , I helped the children clean their room . And by cleaning , I mean I put everything that was on the floor in a box and carted it out of there while they fussed and hollered . ( Don 't worry , I did give them plenty of notice that they were to pick up the things they wanted to keep . The things they didn 't want to pick up , I would happily take care of for them . Those are on their way to the attic this afternoon . ) Child 3 : I know you 're not even our real mother . I remember being two years old in the orphanage before we came here . I wish we were still there . Maybe we should screen Annie one more time if one of mine truly thinks it 's better to live in an orphanage than to pick up a few things off their floor . Of course . There are tons of scenes in Harry Potter where Hermione and Ginny are scrubbing floors . I should have noticed the tie Chloe was wearing . It 'd have clued me in since everyone at Hogwarts wears ties . Especially when they clean or act out Annie . Posted by Know how some days don 't seem to turn out the way you plan ? Today was one of those days for us . It seemed like it 'd be straightforward : take Caleb to a play date , come home in time for the insulation folks to finish insulating our house , do some housework , maybe bake a treat or two in my new kitchen . Unfortunately , that 's not how things worked for us . On the way out the door to take Caleb to his friends ' house , I realized I didn 't have my keys . It would have been great if I had realized it before the door latched behind me . It 's such a tease to look through the window and see my keys but have no way to get them . Of course I 'm extra careful about keeping doors and windows locked so there was no way to even pry open a window . Luckily I had a spare car key in my purse so I was able to get Caleb to his play date . Then I was able to find Rob 's new work phone number from our GPS ( he can 't use his cell phone in the OR and I didn 't have the new number in my phone yet ) and was able to let him know I 'd be over to grab his house key . Things were pretty uneventful on the drive over , except for Chloe 's begging to eat lunch with her dad . Never mind that it wasn 't lunchtime or that we had people waiting for us at our house because by this time the insulation guys were waiting for us . We drive straight home and that ride was pretty uneventful too , except for a bout of motion sickness . Fortunately Chloe has gotten pretty good at throwing up into a cup . Unfortunately we didn 't have a cup , only a small baby bottle Chloe had brought with her for who knows what reason . Anyway , I got home with a load of laundry to wash . Lucky me . We got the insulation folks all set ( they had come out last week to insulate and got almost half of the house done before realizing they didn 't have the right amount of insulation listed in their paperwork , so they had to come out and finish today ) and then I got to clean up the mess from yesterday 's daddy - kid cookie baking adventure . I busied myself making a big batch of marinara sauce ( too bad I didn 't haveAnyway , the girls kept themselves busy today . They turned a half a loaf of bread into PB & J sandwiches , cut into star shapes with a cookie cutter they found . Camille " organized " our pantry . I did explain to her that we are going to put up shelves before we really put food in there , but she wanted to do this anyway . That gave her enough energy to do some art on the wall . This is after I told her she couldn 't write her name on the wall again . Posted by Today we had a ladies ' day out . My little ladies and I got dressed up and went to see a performance of Annie . We had such a great time . My sister and brother - in - law gave us the Annie Broadway soundtrack a couple of months ago , so we spent the drive up and back singing our favorite songs from the musical . I especially enjoyed listening to the girls sing along to the music . After the performance we went to our favorite diner for lunch . It was so fun to spend a day doing girl things with my girls . Here 's a few pictures of the girls after we got home ( I didn 't want to bring my big camera with us to the show and I couldn 't find the charger cord for the small camera ) . Posted by After years of swearing we 'd never be pet owners ( dogs need too much attention and Rob 's allergic to cats ) we broke down . Maybe it was the day I stepped on the mouse outside on the front porch . Or maybe it was the day we discovered a mouse chewed its way into our van . Or maybe it was the first day we heard critters inside our walls ( they turned out to be chipmunks , not mice ) . At some point Rob decided we needed a pet . Something low maintenance . Something that could earn its keep . So we start looking around for a cat . I had lots of cats growing up and come from the school of thought that cats shouldn 't really cost anything . Sure you have to feed them and get them their shots , but they 're pretty inexpensive as far as pets go . We looked at the humane society , but thought maybe the perfect situation would be to find someone with a young cat ( not kitten ) that they just needed to find a new home for . We got so lucky . We found a guy on craigslist who fosters cats . He had a couple of them , but the one who seemed best for us was a two year old black and white cat he called Oreo . He was all up to date on his shots and had a sweet temperament . We were sold . When we went to pick him up , this cat ran right over to me to say hello . I 'm not a cat person , but he showed his sweet personality from the beginning . The kids were so excited that not only were we finally getting a pet , but we were getting one that was named after junk food ! At home the kids were so excited to show Oreo his new home : one of the kids shared Oreo 's bowl of cat food . Another followed the cat around with his scratching post , calling " Here 's your scratching post Oreo . Don 't you want your scratching post ? " Oreo seemed happy to be with us , though he showed an obvious preference for Rob . He would jump onto our bed at night , crawl onto Rob 's chest and stick his little kitty nose right into Rob 's face in an Eskimo kiss . We loved that cat more than we thought . About a month after we got him , the cat ( who insisted he be an outdoor / indoor cat ) got hit by a car . He then took off , hiding in the woods nearby . We figured he had gone off to die , but he came limping home around dinner time , obviously very hurt . We took him to the vet the next morning , anticipating that Oreo had a broken hip or internal bleeding or something . Nope . That lucky cat was just banged up and the vet sent us home with a bottle of kitty Advil . Less than a week later , you 'd never know that anything had happened to him . Typically Rob lets Oreo outside when he leaves for work in the morning . Today I was up earlier and let him out , so he came back inside when Rob left for the day . The big kids went to school a couple of hours later and I assumed Oreo had sneaked out the door . There was no sign of him around lunchtime or even when the kids came home from school . When he didn 't come home at dinner , I started to worry . We kept whistling out the door for him throughout the evening , but he didn 't come . Finally I went upstairs to put on my pajamas and looked for a fresh pair in the dryer . And guess who popped out ? Our cat spent the day in the dryer . Caleb had opened the dryer to get a pair of jeans and the cat must have gone in there while the door was open . It must have been cozy and snug in there , but I certainly am glad no one turned the dryer on today ! They built a fort out of paint a friend had given us ( he 's a painter and had tons of leftover paint - much of it not even opened - in his basement that his wife wanted him to get rid of so she could have the basement back ! ) and the cans that I haven 't gotten to putting in the basement yet . They took turns guarding the fort . Caleb either took a break or is using the clementine in his hand as a grenade . Chloe had much success guarding the fort with her caulk gun . No one dared mess with her . Posted by Since I changed my name when I got married , I have adopted the habit of spelling my last name to ensure it 's spelled correctly . My brother - in - law usually says , " Rollins . It 's like Collins , but with an R . " Maybe I should try that more often because I get our name spelled incorrectly all the time . Usually I get Rawlins , Rawlings , Rollings . Today when our new sink came , my name was written on the packing slip in a manner I 've not seen before . Yes . You are reading that correctly . Roloins . As you can probably well imagine , I 've been snickering at this all day . If you 're going to misspell someone 's name , you may as well make it entertaining ! We have a refrigerator , a microwave , a toaster oven , several crockpots , and more small appliances than necessary . In the fall , we had all of this stationed downstairs in the room that is now almost a kitchen . However , when we began hanging drywall , we moved all of this kitchen paraphernalia to our upstairs hallway . ( To recap : We are currently living in half of the upstairs . We have two bedrooms , a bathroom , a laundry closet , and a large hallway . ) What 's for dinner ? We had salad , pork loin and sweet potatoes . With Easy Bake Oven brownies for dessert , courtesy of Camille 's culinary skills . If I could make lemon meringue pie in my dorm microwave freshman year , this is cake ! Vacation is ( finally ) over and things are starting to get back to normal . I love Christmas , but this year I am especially glad that all of the festivities are over . Now we can get back to school schedules , regular sleep schedules , and the like . The kids went back to school this morning . Rob started his new job this morning . He 's been working in an Intensive Care Unit ( ICU ) for the past two years and is moving to a different hospital in the Operating Room . I 'm hopeful that he 'll enjoy this position more since he liked working in the OR as a surgical tech before he got his nursing degree . I 'm especially excited that he will be working eight hour days , from 7 - 3 , so he 'll be home every night for dinner . And he 'll be home to help put the kids to bed every night . And he 'll be around so if I want to sneak off somewhere in the evening , I can do so without dragging the kids with me or arranging for a babysitter . I know Rob will really miss his whole days off so he can work on the house , but we 'll have to just chip away at it a little at a time . Speaking of the house , now that our walls are up , finished and primed , we can start working on cosmetic things - work that other people can identify as progress . Chloe and I are heading to the granite place in a little while to put in our order for counter tops . Our stove is supposed to be in this week , so in theory we may actually have a functional kitchen within the next couple of weeks . Hooray ! This morning Chloe asked for a banana with peanut butter . I was in the middle of something , so I told her she could pick out her own banana . A minute later , she comes in the room , frustrated . We were out and about this week and found ourselves at the beach , of all places ! I love the beach more in the non - summer seasons , I think . It was cold and very windy and we only stayed a few minutes , but the kids had a great time . Everyone had fun hunting for shells . I tried to convince them to skip the ones that were all sandy and to really look for just one or two special shells . The kids had a different theory : the more shells you have , the more special they are . Now ask me what my poor car thinks . On the agenda this week : clean out the sand and shells !
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Felecia LeBlanc , in the summer - house behind The Shadows , watched the Louisiana Bayou Teche flow by , carrying her memories and anticipations . Teche meant snake . The bayou was named by the Indians for its writhing curves . The summer - house was supposed to be haunted . As a child she 'd heard that , but how or why she never knew . The swollen red water and the summer - house held many associations . On these steps , she and Etienne had decided to marry when they were older . And right out there Blaze Devalcourt came down the bayou paddling that log pirogue he 'd hollowed out himself . Felecia LeBlanc , in the summerhouse behind The Shadows , watched the Louisiana Bayou Teche flow by , carrying her memories and anticipations . Teche meant snake . The bayou was named by the Indians for its writhing curves . The summerhouse was supposed to be haunted . As a child she 'd heard that , but how or why she never knew . The swollen red water and the summerhouse held many associations . On these steps , she and Etienne had decided to marry when they were older . And right out there Blaze Devalcourt came down the bayou paddling that log pirogue he 'd hollowed out himself . Felecia , coming up furious as a cat , yelling and hitting about wildly , knew Blaze tipped over his pirogue on purpose . But Etienne only laughed lazily - laughter , which to her further fury joined Blaze 's hooting and hollering . She 'd hated them both . Even now those memories were razor - fresh . What was Blaze like now ? So long since she 'd heard of him . And Etienne - there had to be an awfully good reason he hadn 't met her airplane . He was supposed to be with her now . She twisted on the stone steps knowing she had no choice but to curb her impatience . The sunlight now was fading , night rising from the ground . Deep shadows from the trees met and blended . Rosy clouds edged the leaves in pink , and moss swayed in the trees . Tiny gurgles of water floated from the small fountain splashing by the statues on the garden side of the house . In her imagination she visited those statues , one for each of the four seasons . She saw again the rare white Lady Hume camellia bush growing in this garden first created by Mary Conrad Weeks , that long - ago Civil War lady who had owned this house as a widow . She 'd get up in a few minutes and visit the garden she told herself . But first she 'd watch the slow water in the bayou . The circles that unseen fish made on its smooth surface . It was a long return journey she 'd made from Nova Scotia , Canada , to this summerhouse in New Iberia , Louisiana . Long , in more than pure physical distance . This was a crossroads in her life . No requirement now to stay in Nova Scotia . She was free to face the past , to make a new future . A child when she left Louisiana , she was a woman now returning to her old home area and her childhood love , Etienne . Or rather , trying to return . Where was he ? Surely he 'd know how awkward she 'd feel . Surely if he really tried , he could 've managed something beyond allowing Aunt Victoria to meet her today . But it was no wonder she was tired , disoriented , and now blaming Etienne when she shouldn 't . This day had been interminable . If ever someone needed to sit quietly and gather herself together , she was that person . Aunt Victoria , handing her a key to the Shadows , had surely manufactured this errand and sent her to get a letter from the study . She 'd intuitively guessed her niece 's need for aloneness and had recalled Felicia 's love for the unusual museum - house that was The Shadows . A strange feeling crawled over her . An uneasy sensation of movement just out of sight , made her turn slowly from the bayou and stare at the back of the house . Three dormer windows on the third floor stared back with uncurtained clarity . Did the ghost of Mary Conrad Weeks look out now , as she must have during the Civil War , exiled to the attic while the damn Yankees lived , rough and crude , in her cherished house ? Long white curtains were slightly parted in the bedrooms on the second floor . How many people , Felecia wondered , had stood behind them and spied out . The green shutters covering the windows on the ground floor made looking out easy , but looking in impossible . She turned back to the bayou . Thoughts came of Grandmother Sheldrake and she was sad . The old lady , ailing for a long time , had been , what many would call a burden to Felecia , especially towards the end . But Grandmother Sheldrake had needed her , and Felecia knew she was a person who needed to be needed . Now there was Aunt Victoria , unhealthy - looking today at the airport , not at all like her pictures . She held her breath , watching sleek , shiny nutria on the banks of the bayou . She hadn 't seen one before , but she recognized it from having read a description . Exactly like a huge rat , she watched as it lazily scratched itself before grubbing again in the grass for food . The shiny black nutria was fat with a long skinny tail . The very picture of a gigantic rat . She watched , fascinated , and thought of her father , long ago trapping muskrats . These nutria from South America lived in the Louisiana bayous and were trapped for their fur . The nutria slid into the water . Superimposed over the ripples was a scene from her past . Mother lay cold and still in the parlor , her hands folded over a waxy , white lily . Aristocratic , thin - lipped Grandmother had arrived from Nova Scotia that afternoon , brought to slow - moving Bayou Teche by Aunt Victoria , Mother 's only sister . There had been the two children and now there was one . Aunt Victoria 's eyes were red . Her face was as pale as the one at rest in the shadowy parlor . But the just - met grandmother 's cool blue eyes held no tears as she shook Felecia 's hand . Her narrow lips had thinned into disappearance as she surveyed the poverty of her daughter 's Cajun household and her only granddaughter that she 'd refused to acknowledge . Beyond a cool nod and a crisp , " How do you do , " she 'd no words or looks for the French - speaking Cajun relatives with their swarming families of eight , ten and twelve children . Then Felecia remembered there was a loud crash out back at the small dock on the bayou . Father came rushing in , straight from his swamp and the primitive trapper 's hut on its edge . He hadn 't wanted to trap that season . Said no muskrats or new trapping areas were worth one sigh from his pretty wife 's lips . He said , when she was better , maybe next year , they would all go to the swamp camp , isolated , yet weirdly beautiful . Mother and Felecia would stretch the raw muskrat skins that he 'd bring home everyday . " Where is she ? " Father had cried , his face a white grotesque mask under the swamp dirt . His torn khaki shirt and trousers reeked of animal blood and his own sweat . " Where is my darling , my little wife ? She 'd only bad ill , isn 't she ? … isn 't she ? " His haunted black eyes still asked the agonizing question . As deep in their depths grief and guilt fought a losing battle , Felecia saw that he knew the answer . As he stared blindly , she saw the light go out of her father 's kind , life - loving eyes . He had grabbed her clumsily in a hug that crushed and hurt , crying , " My poor little child . What shall we do ? " Felecia gradually became aware of noises behind her . Then , before she could whirl about , a low , drawly voice said , " I wondered who was trespassing here . I should have known . " His hair was still coal black . And it still fell in his eyes . She 'd forgotten Blaze 's eyes were so blue and stared intently . He was huge , standing over her in the fading light . He 'd grown tall and muscular . " Yes , and dumped me into the water ! " Still breathlessly , she laughed . " I was a drowned rat when I went in the house . Aunt Victoria had a fit . " Abruptly she asked , " How are you ? It 's a surprise to see you again . " Felecia watched a little apprehensively as Blaze calmly seated himself beside her on the stone steps . He should be wearing heavy cowboy boots with his hands tucked into a wide , vulgarly jeweled belt , she thought . But he was dressed plainly in a tan , open - necked shirt tucked into casual , tight - fitting jeans . Maybe the arrogance came from the way he held his broad shoulders . Or the sure way he moved . In the late afternoon light , Blaze 's face was razor - sharp , hard , alert . Yet , in some absurd way , his presence made her feel safer . " Etienne asked me to look after you . He 's got one of his ever - lasting snafus at the sugar plantation . Also , he didn 't know for sure when you were coming . " His gaze on her face was sure and direct , almost like a touch , she thought . " Yes , I decided on the spur of the moment to leave Nova Scotia and called Aunt Victoria . There didn 't seem much point to staying in Canada once Grandmother … once Grandmother … " Tears swam suddenly in her eyes . She hadn 't yet cried . It was all expected and arranged for . Grandmother Sheldrake had even planned her own funeral . Why was she crying now ? This was ridiculous . Felecia sniffed and looked for the shiny nutria . But it was still under water . " If it would help to talk about it , I could listen . " His voice at her side was quiet and strong . He wasn 't at all as she remembered . " Like you and Etienne . That was a little sudden , wasn 't it ? " The kindness had gone out of his tones . " We 've been best friends all these years , and I didn 't know he was writing to you . " An aggravated , slightly injured quality implied she 'd stolen Etienne away . " We 've written for several years . " Felecia could hear herself sounding defensive . " Etienne writes beautiful letters ; we got to know each other through our writing . When I was cooped up with Grandmother all those years his letters were all that kept me going . They gave me something to look forward to , " she cried passionately . Blaze moved closer in the dimness , examining her face . Felecia looked away at the bayou and the bamboo at its edge . She examined the thick moss - grown oak limb that curved to the bayou , the moss touching the water and turning with the slight current . Blaze moved abruptly . " Etienne is one Cajun who learned American ways . He 'll own this entire parish , and the next one too , before he 's finished . Now he 's going into sugar . It takes a lot of capital to go into sugar : land , machinery , equipment . And it takes luck , getting the right weather , staying on top of everything . " His tone was so accusatory , she couldn 't help but wonder if he thought she had designs on Etienne and his plantations . " We never wrote about money , " she burst out fiercely , " only about what he was doing and what we were like . Our desire was to know each other through our writing . Etienne writes beautiful letters - they 're poetry . " She looked at him scornfully . What would this man know of poetry ? Yet Blaze stood before she could and reached a hand that looked hard and strong . Unaccountably she hesitated a fraction of a second before delivering herself into his warm clasp . Once on her feet she hesitated again , fighting a strange impulse to throw herself against that broad chest and cry and cry until all the tears were gone . Monkey - grass borders gently curved around flowerbeds filled with sweet William and yellow and red sharp - pointed Shasta daisies that looked like zinnias . An ancient three - foot - tall olive oil jar was filled with purple - black petunias . The gurgling of the fountain was sweet , cool and unbelievably restful . The falling water seemed to whisper an invitation to stop and rest for a while . To learn the message of its serene sounds . Felecia went to the statue of Spring and touched the tender marble face . The marble was cold , yet with a life of its own somehow - not human , not superhuman , just different . Spring smiled , as if knowing the flowers she carried would never fade . Caught in some strange homecoming ceremonial act , Felecia moved along the uneven redbrick walkway to stand before the statue of Fall . She trailed her fingertips over his marble lips wondering what it would be like to kiss this frozen , handsome young man . She could throw herself on his shoulder and cry all she wanted . He 'd never mind , or change expression - or hold her in warm , alive arms either . Involuntarily , she glanced back at Blaze . She had spent too much time alone these past years ; it was making her odd . Thankfully , Blaze , lounging on the iron bench , was watching the fountain , not her . Still following the red square brick walkway and the unexpected impulse to visit each statue , she came to Winter . Winter was an alone , cold , old man , huddled in his stone cloak . She smoothed a hand over the back of his head , wondering if we carry around our own winter , our own buried dreams and hopes . Was this what she was doing in Louisiana , following something that could only be a dream ? As she walked to Summer , she tried to remember Etienne as a boy . But somehow , now , in the garden , she couldn 't . With his letters it was easy . " All these years I never realized it . These statues don 't follow the logical order of Spring , Summer , Fall and Winter . I wonder why ? " She walked over to the fountain and sat down on the iron bench by Blaze . But keeping a careful distance . " I wonder what inhabitant of the house first placed the statues in this odd order , and why ? " " Yes , " Felecia agreed , thinking that she should find Aunt Victoria 's letter and go . But it was pleasant in the garden . She didn 't want to leave . She could stay a little while longer . " The house was always beautiful to me , even as a small child , like a dream made real . And with Aunt Victoria being the administrator , I spent a lot of time here . I always loved the bamboo in front closing out the world . The Shadows appears better for the visitors with the bamboo and vines cleared away , now that it 's a National Trust . But I wish it were still the same . " Her voice was low and musing as she sat beside Blaze . She could feel her nervousness and knew she talked too much . And yet , it was so restful here . Easy to return to childhood fantasies and dreams . " I used to make up stories about this house and its people . The first David Weeks , seven feet tall , with his land grant from the Spanish government . I thought of him building this house for his wife , Mary Clara - she was a Conrad before she got married . David Weeks worked so hard with the architects to get everything perfect for her . He fell ill overseeing its building and had to go north for his health . All the time dreaming of his home back here and his wife alone . She loved to read . Just before David Weeks died - still away from home in the cold north - he sent her a rosewood bookcase for her sitting room . He had built her a small sitting room just off their big master bedroom , where she now slept alone . She must have been lonely when he died , even if she did remarry later and bring someone else to live in the house . " " I was wrong . " Blaze said coldly , his voice rough and harsh . " Perhaps you and Etienne suit each other perfectly . You can dream of long - ago plantation life . Etienne can slave his life away to get one for you . " Her arm was back before she knew it . Her hand moved through the air towards Blaze 's face . She felt betrayed . Hit in the stomach . Fighting for control , her halted fingers curved into a claw . What gave him the right to treat her this way ? Nothing . She wanted to rake her nails across his presumptuous face . She 'd fix that handsome face . Her body was tense , strained . The muscles in her arms ached . Like a powerful cat , he twisted away . But one fingernail caught his neck and she held it there , deep in his flesh , tearing . All restraint was gone , the few remaining traces thrown to the wind , building on their own wild freedom . She was again a fighting tomboy , heedless , willful . And exultant , rejoicing in using , full out , every atom of strength she could muster . His right hand held her wrist tighter . How dare he hold her this way ? He was hurting her . She bent her head and sank her teeth into his hand . " You little witch , we can 't have that . " His tones were as cold as her own . Yet seemed to come from a long way off through cool , green water . Blaze twisted his arm free and pulled cruelly at her hair . In the dimness , his blue eyes appeared black , his face cool marble . For a long moment , she poised on a thin dangerous edge . Her mouth was half opened , the breath rushing through . She could cry or fight . Which would it be ? His head darted down like a tiger . His mouth came against hers , hard , cruel , hurting . She tried twisting her head , but there was nowhere to go . Blaze 's hand , wide spread , covered the back of her head , holding it . She tried to push away his mouth with her lips . That didn 't work , so she went limp in the old childhood trick of playing possum . Her head sagged . Still his mouth followed her , then it began to move gently , insistently , caressingly . The kiss went on and on and on . She had the wild feeling there was nothing in the world but this mouth . It would never leave her until she responded . She could stay like a statue forever , and he would kiss her forever , moving his warm mouth on hers , pushing her lips apart . Then it didn 't matter , nothing mattered . For her well - disciplined body betrayed her . Her lips began pressing back . Her arms curved up , pulling him closer , tighter . To be held like this , close and drowning , warm and safe was all she wanted . When , after what seemed forever they pulled apart , Felecia was too horrified to feel ashamed . Shame would come later . She 'd never kissed a man like this in her life . Or slapped one . Or bitten one . Nothing , except the undeniable fact of its happening , could have made her believe she was capable of this incredible display of violent emotions . What had Grandmother 's death unloosed ? And what , after her years in the frozen North , was now melting ? She couldn 't think about that . Felecia wiped the back of her hand across her mouth . Moving trembling fingers she straightened her hair , then her blouse . She tried to speak but felt her chin quiver and closed her lips , still holding them carefully . " Well , well . " Blaze 's voice gave nothing away . His face was entirely in the shadows . Somehow , sometime full darkness had arrived . What light there was fell on her face , in her eyes . In her heightened sensitivity , the light was a tangible thing . Moving without thought or words , she took three quick steps to the square pool , bent down and dipped her hands into the cool water . She held her wet palms against her hot face . " If it were possible to apologize for my behavior , I would " she said . " It was childish . I behaved inexcusably just now . I 'd like it if we 'd both agree to forget this ever happened . " She took a deep breath , noticing that Blaze still hadn 't made a sound . " If I were to make an excuse , I could only say I 've been under a lot of strain lately . Perhaps more than I realized . I 'm going into The Shadows now to get a letter for Aunt Victoria . I 'll say good night . " Felecia was pleased at how well she said the words and how adequate and dismissing they sounded . She ignored Blaze 's out flung hand and his indistinct murmur or two . Quickly , she moved away from him , starting down the path toward The Shadows . Great story . I loved the wonderful info about bayous and crawfish , the details on flowers and birds , the whole area 's lore , the tempestuous feelings between Blaze and Felecia - lots of suspense , her ' unknowing ' until the end . Lisette
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It has taken me a long time to start writing this post , which is due in part to the fact that I still feel rather conflicted about the issues involved . From a medical point of view , I feel somewhat ill - qualified to give an accurate perspective of the breast vs bottle debate , as I simply do not have the time , training or access to data which one would need to conduct a proper scientific survey of the medial and nutritional issues involved . Additionally , I realise that the fraught question of how and what parents feed their babies is inextricably bound up with a variety of societal factors , including class , education , the availability of a support network , body image , bonding , and mental and physical health . These can both increase pressure upon the feeding parent , and act as a confounding factor , making it harder to determine with certainty whether the apparent advantages of breastfeeding are causally related to the breastmilk itself , or merely correlated . Nonetheless , this is something I need to get off my chest ( Gah ! The pun : it hurts ! ) , and I hope that reading about my experiences might help someone else in the future . Many first - time mothers have doubts about their ability to breastfeed adequately , typically centred around the concern that the baby might not be getting enough nourishment . Some of those fears may be justified , some are probably not . I , however , knew from the first that I was likely to face problems with breastfeeding and milk supply , as , in 2004 , I had had a breast reduction . If you are interested in the details ( and you might well be : the type of reduction surgery performed can impact differently on your future ability to breastfeed ) , I had a Lejour reduction , and I remember the surgeon telling me he had removed at least 2lb of tissue from each breast , which would mean I lost somewhere between 1 . 5 and 2kg of breast tissue in total . The surgery was performed for free by the NHS as I was suffering from bad back and shoulder pain , thanks to my over - generous frontage . I was still left with large breasts : it took a while for things to settle down after the operation , but eventually I ended up being about a 32E . Considering I had started off as a 30G , though , I could deal with not being a petite B - cup : I may still have been curvy , but things were much more balanced , and I wasn 't in pain any more . My overriding emotion was gratitude : suddenly I could do all sorts of things in ease and comfort : play sports , run for the bus , wear dresses , find underwear in a colour that wasn 't surgical beige … For a while , everything was peachy . Then , in 2011 , I had Eoin , and things went a bit wrong . If you have read the other posts in this series , you 'll know that I had gestational diabetes during both pregnancies , and that it really knocked me for six the first time . As a nervous first - time mum with an inconvenient history of anxiety , I was very concerned about the impact my feeding choices might have on Eoin , and I was firmly convinced that one of the ways I could attempt to right some of the wrongs I had done him by being diabetic ( I know , I know ) was to do everything I could to ensure I fed him breastmilk instead of formula . In some cases , mothers are able to feed very successfully after reduction surgery , and I was determined I was going to be one of them . I haunted the BFAR website , I grilled my midwife , I had several pre - natal appointments with lactation consultants . I was delighted when I realised that I was able to produce some colostrum , and , on the advice of the hospital , diligently set about harvesting it . Unfortunately , colostrum - harvesting is a time - consuming , tricky business , and it is certainly not helped by being so terrified about your blood sugar levels that you are essentially starving yourself . For weeks during my third trimester , I sat on my sofa with a bag of sterile syringes , getting hungrier and sadder , expressing until I was covered in bruises , yet producing only one or two millilitres of precious liquid a day . By the time I went into labour with Eoin , I had collected about 30ml : to put this in context , this is roughly the amount that a newborn might be expected to drink in about two feeds in the very early days . I fed this to him from a cup while in hospital , and put him to the breast whenever he was hungry . My technique was assessed by a range of midwives , nurses and lactation consultants , who all agreed everything was going excellently . I was patted on the back and sent home on day three after the birth , certain that I wasn 't going to need those bottles and the box of formula I had bought " just in case " . It was at this point that the problems started . Even in breasts which have not been tampered with , it takes a few days for the milk to come in after birth , and , unfortunately Eoin was desperate for more food before my body was in any way ready to give it to him . He was latched on pretty much constantly for the third day and night , but the only thing that happened was that he got progressively more ravenous . It was only at three in the morning , when he was utterly hysterical with hunger , and had lost his voice from screaming , that I recognised I was going to have to give him formula . I fumblingly mixed up a bottle , fed it to him , and was horrified when he just kept screaming . I remember thinking that all I had done was give him the energy to be really furious . It took another bottle half an hour or so later before he finally calmed down and fell asleep ; when I woke up a couple of hours later and heard no crying , I was half - convinced that he was dead , so constant had his distress been until that point . Notwithstanding the two emergency bottles , I was still certain that I could try to feed Eoin myself , and , the next morning , set about latching him on when he woke up . Unfortunately , and unbeknownst to me at the time , I was beginning to feel the first stirrings of post - natal depression . This initially manifested in a rather odd way , although I have since met one other person with identical symptoms : I would be physically sick for much of the time , notably whenever I held Eoin . This got worse very quickly , until I could only hold him for a few seconds without vomiting . The doctor gave me anti - emetics , but I wasn 't able to keep them down . I was then given omeprazole , which , while it stopped the actual sickness , did nothing alleviate the rushes of nausea I would suffer whenever I held Eoin , or whenever he cried . It was only when the PND was diagnosed , and I was able to start taking citalopram , that things got even a little better . In the immediate aftermath of the birth , though , I was really rather unwell : I couldn 't eat , I lost weight dramatically quickly , I was permanently cold and exhausted , and I was pretty much unable to hold my son . Against this backdrop of mental and physical sickness , I was simply unable to continue trying to feed Eoin myself . I did try , but still no milk came in , and still he screamed hysterically until I caved and offered him the bottle . It was only a couple of days after having decided that formula feeding was the only viable choice for us that I finally showed signs of engorgement . I remember thinking how horribly mistimed it was , but in truth it is highly unlikely that I could have continued trying to breastfeed given how ill I was . The whole thing felt like a horrid failure from beginning to end : as I saw it , I hadn 't managed to carry Eoin successfully , I couldn 't give birth to him myself , I couldn 't feed him . The pleasure I should have been able to take in my new baby was entirely sucked away , leaving at worst a depression and at best a flat hopelessness that lasted for arounMy second pregnancy : I fail at breastfeeding again , but I fail better With Ronan , my feeding goals were much more modest : I knew that exclusive breastfeeding would be unlikely to happen , but I decided that I was still going to try to breastfeed him if possible , even if this might ultimately be doomed to failure . The stretch goal , so to speak , would be successful mixed feeding , but , again , I was under no illusions that this might not be possible . I was pleasantly surprised , when discussing my feeding plans with midwives during my antenatal appointments , that nobody turned a hair : I was assured that I would get all the support they could give if I wanted to try to persist with breastfeeding , but that nobody would judge me in the slightest if I ended up using formula . Crucially , I was reassured with the words I had never heard during my first pregnancy , namely that formula is absolutely fine for the baby , and , while breastfeeding is obviously a wonderful thing , it is only best if it works for both the mother and the child . I still prepared myself for both types of feeding , unpacking both the breast pump and the bottles , and stashing an emergency box of formula in the kitchen cupboard . I still expressed and stored colostrum , but , crucially , I didn 't feel anxious and beleaguered about it in the way I had done the first time around . In fact , when I arrived at the hospital for my section , clutching a cool bag full of syringes of frozen milk , the midwife on duty was somewhat taken aback , and told me that they didn 't normally see people being so prepared . Feeding got off to a slightly rocky start : due , perhaps , to the insulin I had needed to take before the delivery , Ronan 's blood sugar levels were very low after birth , and the milk I could give him was not doing enough to bring them back to an acceptable level . For the first two days he was given small formula top - ups on the consultant 's advice , via a nasogastric tube . As you might imagine , he was not best pleased with the tube ( he pulled it out himself after 24 hours ) , but his sugars soon stabilised , and , when we were released from hospital , he was happy , healthy and taking a mixture of breastmilk and formula . Midwives and the health visitor called regularly at the house over the next few days , and I was , proudly , able to show them that I was indeed managing to breastfeed Ronan , at least for some of the time . Latches , positioning and the like were checked , and everything seemed to be going well . I noticed , however , that , no matter how long I tried to feed him for , he never seemed settled . Indeed , he seemed to get more and more dissatisfied as time went on , fussing and pulling away after a couple of minutes , and he only really seemed to calm down after he subsequently had formula . I decided to break out the heavy - duty breast - pump , and see what I could managed to extract from myself by main force and industrial - strength suction . The answer , sadly , was not much . No matter how relaxed I was , no matter how much I thought of Ronan , the most I could ever pump was the foremilk : no let - down ever happened . One particularly prolific day , after spending hours hooked up to the infernal machine , I managed to collect about 80ml . On one hand , I was very proud of this , as I knew it meant that I knew for sure that I was producing something , and that he was getting some form of nourishment from me . On the other hand , when Ronan knocked this back without flinching in a single feed and then looked for more , it was apparent that I was never going to be able to give him more than a tiny proportion of the milk he required myself . AWhile I had an immense sense of guilt and failure over my formula feeding of Eoin , my emotions with Ronan were very different . A lot of this was probably due to the fact that I was not horribly depressed the second time , but I think it was also related to the fact that , with Ronan , formula feeding was a decision I was able to make in my own time , with the opportunity to weigh both the pros and cons without the sense of panic , terror and outright illness which assailed me previously . It was also a relief to realise what exactly was going on with my post - operation breasts : although I have no official diagnosis for this , it seems apparent that I have nerve damage following the reduction surgery , a not - unexpected consequence . With Eoin , I couldn 't understand why , when I was apparently able to produce at least some milk , he seemed unable to drink any useful amount . My discovery , with Ronan , of my missing let - down reflex explained a great deal : effectively my body was completely unaware that there was a baby trying to feed from it . While I could make milk , I couldn 't do anything useful with it . While this was frustrating on one hand , it was also immensely vindicating : on some level I had certainly blamed myself for not trying hard enough with Eoin . Maybe if I had pushed on and fed or expressed through the sickness , the dehydration and the fear , I could have managed to Do the Right Thing . But I hadn 't pushed on : I had just taken the easiest option … The self - hating internal refrain went on and on . It turned out , in fact , that there really was very little I could have done : try as you might , you can 't regrow your nerves through sheer force of will , and teaspoonfuls of foremilk on their own are not enough to be particularly useful to a baby . This time , I can honestly say that I felt very at peace with my decision not to pursue trying to breastfeed . I began this post by saying I was still somewhat conflicted about the issues involved : I should note that this is not because I feel , in using formula , that I have in some way fed my children an inferior food . Obviously , breastmilk is the natural way for mothers to feed their babies : if it weren 't , we would be born with kettles and boxes of Cow and Gate strapped to our chests instead of mammary glands . However , while breastfeeding may be brilliant if it works for you and your baby , it is clear that formula is a perfectly good feeding choice too . The recent Ohio State University study into long - term outcomes from both feeding methods found that neither was appreciably more beneficial than the other . Crucially , this study examined feeding outcomes in relation to siblings , and so was able to eliminate a great deal of the selection bias seen in other studies of the long - term effects of breastmilk versus formula . For what it 's worth , I was myself formula fed as a child : barring the inexplicable gestational diabetes , I have no health problems , I am not obese , and I am bright enough to have managed to collect four degrees in various esoteric subjects . The fact that I was not breastfed does not seem to have done me any harm . Why , then , do I still find it difficult on some level to be an " out - and - proud " user of formula ? I said above that I was at peace with my inability to breastfeed , but note that , even though my chances of successful breastfeeding were very low , I still began by trying to feed Ronan myself . If I were to have another baby , I would do the same thing : mix - feed for as long as was practical , before moving on to exclusive formula feeding . I think the truth is that I now know what my physical and physiological limitations are , and this is comforting . As with so many things in pregnancy and parenthood , all one is trying to do is to regain a measure of control , of stability , of certainty . You want to feel you have done the Right Thing , however that might be defined . Bluntly , it seems to me that the breast - versus - bottle debate is concerned not so much with the nutritional , developmental and sociological benefits of one particular type of infant feeding versus another as it is with the way you define yourself as a mother , as a woman , as a thinking , responsible person . It shouldn 't be this way , but nonetheless your feeding choices invariably seem to brand you : modest / immodest , feckless / overattached , selfish / selfless , martyr , hero or villain . I confess that I feel the need to tick a box here : if I 've given a baby my expressed colostrum , if I have tried to feed them myself , then I have done all I can , and I can continue to feed them formula with a clear conscience . But - and this is a big but - why do I feel I need this absolution in the first place ? Why not feed formula from the first , if you know that , realistically , this is what you will be doing in a few days anyway ? Absolutely honestly , I think my reasoning stems , predictably , from guilt : my reduction , while medically very desirable , was not a life - saving procedure . I could have held on , surgically unaltered , and perhaps then I would have been able to feed my children myself . Perhaps , though , things would still have gone wrong , and I would then be beating myself up for another set of reasons . I don 't think I have managed to deal properly with this guilt yet , absurd as this might seem to other people . What I do know , though , is that for every irrational twinge of reduction / formula - based shame that I feel , another mother is feeling a very similar emotion for another reason . Extended breastfeeding , switching from breast to bottle , exclusive pumping , feeding through reflux , allergies and intolerances : all of these choices involve hard work and soul - searching , and all are likely to incur the judgement of outsiders . This , really , is the nub of the matter : as parents , we place enough pressure on ourselves without having to deal with the hoiked - up judgeypants of the neighbours , the people at playgroup , the staff of the fancy hotel restaurant ( I 'm looking at you , Claridges ) , and the Daily Mail . I have never felt so bad about formula feeding , or so angry at others ' thoughtlessness , as the day that someone came up to me in the cafe at Anglesey Abbey and told me that , if I had only loved him enough to breastfeed him , Eoin would have been happy and content instead of crying . This is the kind of nonsense no parent should have to deal with : life and infancy are far too short to agonise over whether a baby 's milk comes out of a breast or a packet . However you feed , you are doing your best . You will be fine . The baby will be fine . Unless there are medical issues at play , your feeding choices are yours to make , and none of anyone else 's business . The most important thoughts I could leave you with are the mantras of both the BFAR organisation and the Fearless Formula Feeder website . The former states that , in attempting to breastfeedThis is how I would like to end : if you are reading this post because you are contemplating breastfeeding after a reduction or some other surgery , or simply if you are struggling with feeding in general , however you are feeding your baby , whether by breast , formula or both , you are doing the right thing . Be proud , and ignore the judgey comments : the people who make them are honestly not worth bothering about . I support you . Alright : I realise that most people don 't give two hoots about how I happened to transfer two small human beings from inside my body to the outside world , and my reading of STFU , Parents has given me all too keen an awareness of the dangers of over - inflating the significance of your own birth experience . This is my blog , though , and my introspective pregnancy - woe - venting session , so I 'll write what I like . Less flippantly , it 's certain that my experience of labour and birth the first time around had a substantial negative impact on the way I coped in the immediate aftermath of the delivery , and on my post - natal mental health in general . As such , I think it 's a topic worth addressing . When I was expecting Ronan , people would ask polite questions about the pregnancy , and how I planned to give birth . How I felt about my answer would depend on where on the emotional and mental curve I happened to be at that point , but I almost always found myself having to defend the fact that I was not going to attempt a VBAC . Sometimes the questions and my responses were both calm and rational , but at other times I felt very judged for having a Bad Medicalised Birth ™ rather than the empowering , natural VBAC for which I should have been striving . 1 It didn 't matter that the exigencies of carrying and delivering a baby when one has gestational diabetes put me in a position where a Caesarean was the only realistic option , or that the circumstances of Eoin 's birth led more than one consultant to suggest that it was highly unlikely I could ever have delivered naturally . There was frequently a sense that I was in some manner taking the coward 's way out , or that I was putting myself and my body through a hideous surgical process when I could , instead , have been doing The Right Thing . A Caesarean section is very often perceived to be a failure , an artificial process , and a bad birth , while the natural , low - intervention route is seen as the only way to have a good birth . While I would never wish to judge anyone 's birth practices , and while I am delighted that so many women have empowering , successful VBACs , I would hope that my experience demonstrates that it 's possible for a repeat Caesarean to be empowering and successful too . First , though , I should explain what went wrong the first time around . So much of our experience of pregnancy , birth and motherhood consists of striving to do The Right Thing , and to measure up to some hypothetical gold standard of parturition , as nebulous a concept as that might be . When I was expecting Eoin , I diligently went along to NCT classes . Most of the other attendees were planning low - intervention , midwife - led births ( a lucky few even ended up getting them ) , but , having just been diagnosed with gestational diabetes , I was very aware that my experience was likely to be medicalised , and , by extension , compromised from the start . Particularly at NCT classes , people talk a lot about the " cascade of intervention " in childbirth : briefly , the idea is that any medical practice used to hasten a delivery can and will have a negative impact on the rest of the process . Once some form of intervention has taken place , it is likely that you will need another and another , until you find yourself strapped into a set of stirrups on an operating table , drugged up to your eyeballs , while a team of surgeons gets to work on your nether regions with a set of Kielland forceps . Understandably , this is something most of the other members of the class were keen to avoid , but it was something that I knew I was likely to have to face . Because of the diabetes , and the concomitant gigantic baby I was supposed to be harbouring , 2 I was to be induced two weeks early . I felt rather guilty as I explained this to the group , and , although they were all extremely supportive and non - judgemental , I already felt as if I had failed . As it happened , I needn 't have worried about the induction . I unexpectedly went into labour three weeks early : the contractions started on a Thursday as I was , symbolically enough , baking bread with a friend . As we sat in her kitchen , drinking tea and admiring the loaf ( which , of course , I couldn 't eat because of the diabetes ) , I noted that I seemed to be having a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions , but that I was sure it was nothing to worry about . Things got a lot tougher over the next couple of days . On the Friday , I was having contractions every ten minutes or so , and finding it rather difficult to do anything useful , like eating or sleeping . By Saturday , the contractions were every three to five minutes and things were getting pretty serious . Somehow , though , and despite all evidence to the contrary , I was still convinced that they were Braxton Hicks , or at the very least the earliest stages of labour . By 4 . 00am on Sunday morning , though , I had had enough , and we ended up in a taxi to the hospital . I was still terrified that this wasn 't " real " labour ( I didn 't think it was bad enough , which suggests I either have an unexpectedly high pain threshold , or I 'm a closet masochist ) , and was pretty certain the hospital were going to send me home to wait it out for another week before they performed the induction . The taxi driver , however , was pretty firmly convinced that this was the real thing , not least because I was sick twice during the ride to the hospital . 3 When we got to the labour ward at 6 . 00am , I was surprised to be told by the midwife that I was 8cm dilated , and that I 'd have my baby in no time . There was some congratulation for the fact that I 'd got this far on a couple of paracetamol , a hot water bottle , and a half of mild in the pub on Friday evening . Then , everything went wrong . I kept having the contractions , but no waters broke , no transition happened , no baby arrived . Things got more painful , and I got more exhausted : I had , by this point , been in labour for three days , and I didnBeing taken for the emergency Caesarean section was a bit of a blur : the midwife , who had been monitoring Eoin , lost the trace on his heart , there was a bit of a commotion , and suddenly my bed was being pushed down the corridor into an operating theatre . I wasn 't even aware of the section itself happening : it seemed as if one minute I was being prepped , and the next , Eoin was being lifted out , fist - first like Superman . In many ways , though , the operation was the best part of the whole business . I was exhausted , stunned and , I think it is fair to say , somewhat traumatised . I was convinced that , somehow , I hadn 't really given birth to Eoin at all , rather that something had been done to me while I wasn 't really aware of it , and now , suddenly , there was this angry , hungry creature to deal with . I had enormous difficulty bonding with him : the guilt of this disconnection , combined with the guilt of having had the section in the first place , of having been diabetic , of having failed to breastfeed him , all piled on top of the other mental and emotional issues I had in the postnatal period to tip me into a very lengthy bout of depression . For a long time I was too scared to contemplate having another baby , and , when I was pregnant again , I was terrified of facing the same situation . Fortunately , my experience with Ronan couldn 't have been more different . I suppose I should be thankful for being diabetic in my second pregnancy , because it took the responsibility for making a decision about the method of delivery entirely off my shoulders : it is NHS practice to induce mothers with gestational diabetes early , and , as a ( temporarily ) insulin - dependent person with a history of previous Caesarean delivery , such an induction would not have been recommended for me . The best advice was that I should prepare myself for an elective section , and the doctors hoped I was not too upset at not being able to try for a VBAC . Upset ? I was so relieved I could barely believe it . I was , understandably , far more aware of what was going on during this second delivery , and , inevitably , I have to admit that it wasn 't a particularly private experience . I think there were probably twenty people in the operating theatre along with me , many of them students , and there was a slightly comical moment in which everyone in the room , including me , had to introduce themselves to the others . In the blur of the emergency section , I don 't think I had registered that the operating theatre was just a small room in the middle of the delivery unit : in my mind , it seemed much more separate and strange . This time , being taken for the operation was almost alarmingly prosaic : I walked down the corridor in my hospital gown and slippers , thorough a door that looked much the same as all the others , and spent a little time having a chat with the medical staff . The only jarring thing was the presence of the very large operating table on which I was shortly to be sliced open . Of course , a Caesarean is never going to be comparable to a water birth in a candle - lit room with soft music playing , but frankly I don 't think anyone would expect it to be . Yes , there was an operating table , and yes , there was a huge tray of ominously sharp - looking sterilised instruments . Yes , it did feel a bit as if the world and their dog were in the room with you . But I can say with complete honesty that my procedure was relaxed , calm and , believe it or not , thoroughly enjoyable . People were friendly and informative , and explained every step of the operation to us . I wasn 't particularly bothered about having music playing , but this would certainly have been possible if I had wanted it . In fact , the only thing I was determined I did want was as much skin - to - skin contact with Ronan as possible , as soon as possible after he was born . Fortunately the medical team were quite happy for this to go ahead , so , unlike the first time around , I was put back together again while holding a small , warm and slightly confused person against my chest . I Ronan , one day old , and also quite happy to have exited through the sunroof . If you have spent any time reading around the topic , you will no doubt have realised that there is a very unhelpful rhetoric surrounding childbirth , along the lines that we can control our experience almost perfectly if we are knowledgeable , prepared and driven enough . Now , I am not for a moment suggesting that knowledge and preparation are a bad thing , but ultimately , however many books you read , and however many hypnobirthing classes you attend , they aren 't going to outweigh physical factors like the shape of your pelvis , or the size of your baby 's head . I have two friends who planned for drug - free home births . Both were similar ages , fit and healthy , well - informed , and thoroughly prepared . One was lucky enough to have the natural home birth she wanted . The other , however , ended up with a lengthy and traumatic hospital birth . What did those two women do differently ? Nothing . The mother with the hospital birth : did she just not try hard enough ? Did she somehow not deserve the birth she had prepared for ? If she had only wanted the home birth a bit more , she could have made it happen , right ? Nonsense ! Unless you are very lucky , childbirth can entail a loss of control over what happens to you and your body . For many people , myself included , an emergency Caesarean might be a life - saving procedure , but it can also be traumatic and can leave you feeling as if you have lost all power and agency . For many mothers , a successful VBAC can be the experience which allows them to exorcise some of the demons left behind after such a difficult delivery . However , an unsuccessful VBAC can pile one failure on top of another : given my diabetes , and the long , difficult and ultimately fruitless labour I had had with Eoin , this was simply not something I was prepared to attempt . After a difficult birth , the main thing you are tying to do in a second delivery ( apart , of course , from ensuring everyone is safe and healthy ) it to regain some of the agency which you lost the first time . A VBAC can be empowering , of course , but , properly handled , a Caesarean section can be too . I wouldn 't have changed my experience of Ronan 's birth for the world , and I am very grateful to have had one birth on which I can look back with happiness , even if that birth was not the one that conventional wisdom told me I should have wanted . 2I was told that , at 36 weeks gestation , Eoin was already well over ten pounds in weight , and generally off the top of the scale as far as size was concerned . Born at a pretty average seven pounds , he turned out to be a small baby with a ridiculously big , heavy head . Those ultrasounds don 't always give you the whole picture … Posted on 10 / 10 / 2014 by Lorna 9 As I said in my last post on this subject , it doesn 't seem as if either my body or my mind likes being pregnant . I can certainly pinpoint the stage when things all started to go wrong the first time around , though : it was when , completely out of the blue , I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes at around 29 weeks . The whole situation was a bit of a mystery . I had no family history of diabetes . I was pretty active , and eating healthily . I hadn 't shown any of the usual symptoms , and indeed I had barely put on any weight at all . Nobody would have had any idea about my underperforming pancreas had it not been for the hospital 's policy of screening all pregnant women for diabetes , whether they were showing symptoms or not . I can 't say for sure whether or not it was a good thing that I was diagnosed . I have to hope that the whole rigmarole was worth it for the boys ' sake . And , who knows ? Maybe I would have had the peri - and post - natal depression anyway . What I do know is that it was with the diabetes diagnosis that I started to lose control over my pregnancy , and , to a degree , my sanity . I think much of the problem the first time around stemmed from the hospital 's " one size fits all " approach to treating the condition . I had gestational diabetes , which , obviously , I must have caused by being grotesquely overweight and persistently gorging myself on chocolates and cheeseburgers . When the diabetes got worse , week - by - week , to the point that I needed insulin to control my blood sugar , well , that meant I clearly wasn 't trying hard enough . The fact that I needed insulin during pregnancy was also clearly an indicator that I was well on the way to type 2 diabetes after the delivery . Why couldn 't I just put some more effort in ? Didn 't I have any self - control ? Did I actually want my baby to die ? Oh , and , by the way , the consultant happened to be running a study of obese mothers with diabetes : did I want to talk to a social worker about my bad food choices and how they would affect my unborn child ? What was in fact happening was that I started out eating a fairly normal , balanced diet ( cutting out , of course , any obvious sugary items ) , but , in response to the constant criticism from the hospital , I began cutting more and more foods out entirely : not just starches , but all fruit and most vegetables too . By the end of the pregnancy , I was really only eating fish and leafy greens , and I was getting so fixated on my apparent failure to control the diabetes with diet that I was pretty much terrified of eating . As for the weight issue , well , this is me about a week after Eoin was born : you can judge for yourself . I 'm afraid I have absolutely no idea who took the picture , and I do look a bit of a state : I was already getting fairly unwell at this point . I think it 's fair to say , though , that I was not obese . Perhaps if I had been more blasé about the whole thing , it would have been better . However , I was far too determined to do the right thing , and was desperately trying to measure up to the consultant 's impossible standards . Instead of being supported , I was left feeling that everything I did was wrong . I didn 't realise at the time that gestational diabetes inevitably gets worse no matter how carefully you eat , or how much exercise you do : it is your placenta that makes you insulin - resistant , and the only sure way to ameliorate the condition is not to be pregnant any more . Fast - forward three years , and , having moved cities and now pregnant with Ronan , I was again faced with the likelihood of diabetes . Thinking about how badly the diagnosis had affected me the previous time , I was , understandably , pretty worried about how I and the medical team in this hospital would deal with the situation . At first , things seemed to proceed along the same lines : I had no symptoms whatsoever , and all early tests were clear . Suddenly , around 28 or 29 weeks , I was again diabetic and bracing myself for the anticipated misery . I am incredibly grateful to be able to say that I couldn 't have been more mistaken : the entire medical team was supportive and understanding , and , more to the point , they actually listened to my story and took on board the details of the situation . When I described the meals I had eaten , they didn 't accuse me of lying . When I worried about the severe restrictions I was going to have to place on my diet , they kindly pointed out that this was a temporary condition , and if I needed to take insulin in order to be able to eat a balanced , healthy diet including the occasional piece of fruit , then so be it . When , as was inevitable , my blood sugar started to get harder to control , they didn 't immediately accuse me of illicitly eating chocolates and chips , but rather reviewed my diet and discussed insulin dosage in a measured , sensible manner . They were thorough and caring , but notably absent was the overwhelming sense of blame which had pervaded my first experience . With Eoin , starting insulin was seen as the final confirmation of my absolute failure . With Ronan , it was very definitely a necessary short - term measure , one which would enable me to go on leading a normal life . It might be interesting to note that , while my mental health was so much better during my second experience of diabetes , the physical impact on me was almost identical : again , I put on very little weight ( about 2 kilos ) up to the point of diagnosis . Again , I promptly lost it immediately I stopped eating any and Again , I have to underline the fact that I am not that kind of doctor . This post is not intended to be a substitute for proper medical advice . What I do want to say , though , is this : if you 're reading this , and you 've recently been diagnosed with gestational diabetes , please learn from my mistakes . Firstly , it 's honestly quite likely that there 's nothing you could have done about it . People do like to play the blame game when you 're pregnant ( and get used to it , because it doesn 't stop when the baby 's born ) , but it 's entirely possible that you would have been diabetic whatever you had done . While it 's probably not a good idea to prepare for pregnancy by putting on a pile of extra weight , it 's important to note that being large doesn 't inevitably mean you 'll develop gestational diabetes . Other significant risk factors are your age , and whether or not you have a family history of diabetes : there 's really not a great deal you can do to change these . Don 't panic about food , like I did : once you cut out the obvious problem foods ( sugars , processed stuff ) , there 's really nothing to be gained by starving yourself . A low - GI diet should work , but , for heaven 's sake , don 't try to eat a low - fat diet too : get plenty of nuts , avocados , full - fat yoghurt , eggs , cheese and oily fish into yourself . They 'll help to balance out the overall GI of your meals , provide valuable nutrients , and , crucially , keep things tasting good . If you need insulin , make your peace with that . Be grateful that you 're unlikely to need it forever . When you 're pricking your fingers to check your blood glucose , or looking for a new spot in which to inject , remember that there are an awful lot of people for whom this is daily life , not just a frustrating side - effect of a biological process . Understand that , while this may mean you are more likely to develop diabetes later in life , it is not a foregone conclusion . Be sensible , be cautious , but don 't be paralysed by fear , and don 't ever feel that you 've failed . TaPosted in Blue | Tagged bad mother , depression , pregnancy , pregnancy problems | 9 Replies Posted on 19 / 09 / 2014 by Lorna 2 There 's a deliberately inflammatory title for you , if ever there was one . On one hand , I want to follow it immediately with a desperate reassurance that of course I 'm not a bad mother : perish the thought ! On the other hand , though , it is precisely this feeling of guilt , of failing , of out - and - out unfitness which has , I think , underscored a lot of the bad experiences I have had around pregnancy and birth . It has certainly been a contributing factor in several years of post - natal , peri - natal and just general depression . For some time , I have contemplated writing a post , or a small series of posts , about this , the intention being in part to articulate some of the problems I have had , and , in doing so , to exorcise them . That 's the hope , anyway : we 'll see if it works . I do , however , have another motivation : at various low points , I have found myself trawling forums and blogs , looking for someone who has been in a similar situation to the one in which I found myself . Whether or not finding such testimony would have done anything to forestall or alleviate the depression , I don 't know , but I do know that I didn 't find anyone who had had experiences all that similar to mine , and that this definitely contributed to my feelings of isolation . I hope that , in writing about my pregnancies and births here , I might be able to help some other worried future reader , if only by letting them know that they 're not alone . Although these posts will inevitably be concerned with medical matters , I must preface everything with the caveat that I Am Not A Doctor ( not that kind of doctor , anyway : I 've never heard of an emergency situation in which someone shouts , " Get me a bibliographer , stat ! " ) . These posts really are my personal thoughts and experiences , and are no substitute for proper medical advice : if you have any concerns about physical or mental health during pregnancy , please speak to your doctor or midwife . I have come to the conclusion that neither my body nor my mind deals well with pregnancy and its aftermath . From minor annoyances like the Unexpected Pregnancy Nosebleed Epidemic , through gestational diabetes , difficult births and feeding problems , to episodes of depression which left me some pretty dark places , the whole process has felt fraught with difficulty . This is compounded by the fact that it all feels so self - indulgent : you are continually beset by a self - loathing interior monologue telling you that other people have real problems . Other people 's babies have serious disabilities or life - threatening illnesses . Other people 's babies die , for heaven 's sake . Other people suffer debilitating birth injuries . What do you have to complain about ? You had a baby and you just plain couldn 't deal with it . You 're pathetic … And so on . It may be a cliché , but it seems to me that , if your mental health is being affected , then you have a problem , no matter whether or not your situation meets some vague criterion of seriousness . It 's totally normal to feel , some of the time , that you 're doing badly as a parent . It is , I would suggest , not normal to respond to a bad day by assessing the contents of your medicine cabinet and asking your child if they would be happier if you weren 't there anymore . It 's normal , when pregnant , to worry about how you 'll cope with your baby . It 's arguably not normal to be considering whether you should have your ( very much wanted ) baby adopted or have a late termination to save them from having to be raised by an awful person like you . Posted on 10 / 03 / 2013 by Lorna 8 It has been a while since my last post , and the only excuse I can give for this is that the side - effects of coming off the medication have been giving me a pretty serious kicking . One of the few things I have done in the last couple of weeks which has made me feel remotely competent has been rescuing a cache of music from my old , otherwise defunct iPod . Most of this was mid - 90s Indie stuff , which should explain the title of the post , certainly to any other readers of a similar vintage to me . I do try not to be self - indulgent here , but the last couple of weeks have been pretty tough . Even though you know the aforementioned side - effects are coming , it doesn 't make them any the less horrid , or any easier to deal with . We 've had the fun period of feeling utterly , stupidly tired for no reason whatsoever . The " cotton - wool head " , as I call it , which is a bit like being very drunk and very hungover at the same time , but without the fun part of actually getting drunk . The brain shivers , which were a new one on me , but were pretty alarming when they happened . The euphemistically - named low mood . It has all been rather entertaining . I had a couple of bad days which coincided with Eoin being particularly tantrummy , and with my husband working very long hours . On learning a friend was expecting a baby , I remember thinking , " Right : that 's it . She 's having one : I have to do it too . I 'm off the medication now , so if I want to have another child , it 's time to start the whole sorry business over again . If I wait , it 's only going to mean it takes longer to get my sanity back " . These are , as far as I can accurately remember , were the very words I used ( " the whole sorry business " sticks pretty clearly in my mind ) , and I think from this you can tell I wasn 't in a good way . Things are getting better now : I 've had lots of visits from lovely people who have taken me out to go to the beach , to buy yarn , and to eat cheesy buns at St Fagans in truly obscene quantities . I have had a long conversation with my very sensible husband , who has pointed out that SSRI cessation will inevitably have an effect , but that it is important to remember that this is temporary . In fact , to continue the lyric from my title in an appropriately studenty manner , " this is a low , but it won 't hurt you " . Things seem to be stabilising a bit , but I 'm still having difficulty wrapping my head around the idea of potential conception number two . I look at Eoin today , though , and I have to say he is marvellous . He spent they day tickling my friends unexpectedly behind their knees , pointing out chaffinches and Toyotas with equal enthusiasm , eating chorizo and red peppers but not lentils for tea ( " I don 't like lentils very much , Mammy " ) , singing " Happy Birthday " to himself at bedtime ( it 's not his birthday ) , reading Neil Gaiman and Maurice Sendak picture books even though they were scaring the adults , cuddling me while listening to music , counting really quickly and inaccurately ( " one - two - three - four - five - six - NINE ! " ) , and generally charging around like a tiny human dynamo , occasionally bouncing off things . He really is worth all the bad stuff . And , while I 'm scared at the prospect of what might happen ( more gestational diabetes , another difficult delivery , more PND , two tiny humans to look after when one is hard enough ) , I have to believe that another baby will be the same . There will be bad times , but the good times will make them worthwhile . The low won 't last forever . I promise that more cheerful content will be coming soon : I have an addictive snack recipe and a lot of quilty goodness to share with you . There 's always yarn . For the moment , though , if I 'm not talking much on here , you know why . Thank you to everyone who has been so kind and patient with me over the last while : I appreciate it more than I can say . Posted on 21 / 02 / 2013 by Lorna 5 By now , I 'm sure , you 're all aware of my propensity to sit on the beach and take photos of the sea , the sky , the pier , random pebbles … The image above shouldn 't be too much of a surprise , then . I took it a few days ago , about eight in the morning , just after I had dropped Eoin off for one of his mornings out with his very lovely childminder . ¹ As you can see , the Pavilion Project is well underway , and the pier is dripping with scaffolding , ladders and netting . If the truth be told , it looks a bit of a state at the moment , but the knowledge that a shiny new Pavilion is around the corner does a great deal to take your mind off the mess of builders ' vans and portacabins which seem to have colonised the seafront in recent months . As I sat beside the pier and watched the sun come up that day , I couldn 't resist making an analogy between the scene in front of me and my current mental state , trite though I knew that might be . I was on my way to an appointment with the doctor to review my medication , and , later that morning , I found myself well on the way to being pill - free for the first time in two years . This has been a long time coming : I 'm not sure if it still counts as post - natal depression when you 're still a shaking , crying , vomiting wreck well after your child 's first birthday , but , whatever label you chose to put on it , it has been very , very tough . Two years down the line , I hope I can say that I am ready to go it alone . Like the Pavilion , there is still a lot of work to do : the metaphorical scaffolding ( CBT and mindfulness exercises , a superhumanly supportive and patient husband and parents , good friends who understand and - hopefully - forgive ) is very much still in place , but this time it really does feel as if the sun is coming up , and that things are going to be better this time around . When I look back at the earlier entries I wrote on this blog , I realise that I wrote a great deal more about Eoin then than I do now . Of course , whether I write about him or not , he 's a constant , anarchic presence : mugging me for stories , charging around the kitchen wearing a mixing bowl on his head like a helmet , breaking my spinning wheel , eating all sorts of things he shouldn 't , and generally causing havoc . I think the point is that I don 't need to write about him so much any more . Looking back on those early updates , it now seems pretty obvious that I was trying to make amends in some way for the dissociation I was feeling . I was clinging on to every moment in which I could believe that I wasn 't crazy and detached , that I was a good mother and , however unbelievable I might have found it , that he did actually love me . Now , I still have dark moments , but they seem to be being outweighed more and more by the good times : the nonsense conversations , the unexpected cuddles , the fact that he regularly makes me laugh like a drain at the silliest of things ( " The fan is broken : it 's a disaster , Mammy ! " ) . Finally , it 's a relationship , and not an ongoing cycle of blind panic and fruitless self - flagellation . It 's hard to write about this sort of thing without descending into cliché : good grief , I 've even gone for the good old " sun breaking through the clouds " metaphor ! I do honestly feel hopeful this time . My biggest fear over this whole period of illness is that my depression might somehow have damaged Eoin , that I might not have loved him enough or engaged with him in the right way . The fact that things feel so much better now , and that , for the first time , I feel calm at the prospect for stopping the medication , gives me hope that this is not the case . He is a happy , normal little boy , albeit one who remains slightly fanatical about trains , cars , and anything with a wheel on it . He is empathic , determined , intelligent and he has a lovely sense of humour . ¹ They went to Techniquest , he got to press lots of buttons and make coloured lights flash , and she very kindly bought him a Volkswagen Matchbox car as a souvenir . He told me he now wants to live at her house full - time . I am pointedly not letting this bother me . I 'm really glad to see that he loves the seaside as much as I do , and I 'm glad that , at the moment , I 'm more able to just enjoy these intervals of straightforward happiness . For a long time , it has been very hard to relax into these moments and , as the counsellor is fond of reminding me , " just to be " . Often it 's easier to berate yourself for your shortcomings , whether real or imagined , and to focus on the failures , the anxiety , and the other paw prints of the black dog . I hope this means I am getting better . I think I might be . What I am sure of , though ( and what I have pretty much been unable to admit to myself before ) , is that Eoin is a happy , healthy , well - balanced , muddy little chap , who is generally having the time of his life out in the world . Posted on 04 / 09 / 2012 by Lorna 5 We 've had a slow couple of weeks around here , blog - wise : Eoin and I have both had colds , which means a lot of my spare time has been spent catching up on sleep . On the odd evening , I have got as far as stumbling to the kettle to make myself a medicinal hot toddy , then crawling back onto the sofa to watch bad television from underneath the patchwork quilt . I 've also been having some counselling for the ongoing PND , which means I often feel a bit teary or exhausted , and , really , the last thing people want to read here is a big ranty , venty post along the " woe is me " lines . Ain 't nobody got time for that ! I 've been feeling rather guilty about missing out on the photo challenges , though , especially as I had had a good idea for the " merge " topic . I was planning to do something spinning - related : the various shades of a splodgy , particoloured batt merging into a harmonious singles yarn , perhaps with a little digression to explain the story of how I came by the fibre in the first place . Unfortunately , I neglected to consider a few factors . Firstly , I am rubbish at blending fibre : my handspun yarns so far have been barber - poley in the extreme , and there really is no rhyme or reason to the way I shove the roving towards the wheel . It gets spun pretty much in the order in which I pull chunks of it off the batt or braid in question , and it 's really neither an artistic nor a thought - out process . Secondly , how hard would it be to photograph yourself spinning ? I mean , I have a tripod , but I 'm not remotely sure how I 'd go about composing a shot like that . Also , I don 't have a cable release so it would be self - timer all the way , which , in practice , means I would inevitably move at the wrong point in every exposure and the whole thing would end up as a blurry failure . Lastly , and perhaps most crucially , the same things which kept me from blogging ( illness , malaise , general uselessness ) also kept me from dragging the spinning wheel out from her new home in the sewing room and actually sitting down to do some spinning , which was really the whole point of the exercise . Behind the Castle clock - tower , and the nineteenth - century arcades of St Mary 's Street , the Millennium Stadium pushes its way into the city skyline , conspicuously modern . The curious thing is that it really doesn 't look out of place . To my mind , it 's a lovely example of something new merging into an older , more established environment . © Lorna Lynch and Biographia Domestica , 2011 - 2015 , unless otherwise stated . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Lorna Lynch and Biographia Domestica with appropriate and specific direction to the original content .
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Top 5 bands you wish you 'd discovered sooner You guys know the drill . Play along in the comments or in your journal . This meme is created for my site Music Memoirs . Feel free to go there and check out my other weekly memes and play along . 1 . Grey Eye Glances : By the time I discovered this band they were on a hiatus and now they are only playing the occasional live show in Philly . Seeing as I haven 't a good car and I freaking hate Philly , the chances of me seeing them in concert are pretty slim . Plus I also lost out on any " new album " excitement , because my guess is , there won 't be any of those any time soon either . 2 . Gordon Lightfoot : I would have loved to have known his music before his health problems set in , so I could have completely experienced that wonderful voice I hear on my CDs . 3 . Erasure : If I would have fallen in love with them a year or two earlier I might have had a chance to see them in concert . As it is now , there 's no chance of me ever getting to see them . Boo ! 4 . Keri Noble : For much the same reason . I discovered her about 3 months after she played a show in Pittsburgh and she hasn 't been back since . Grrr . 5 . Mika : I discovered him last year . I remember when his first album came out and I wanted to listen to it but never got around to it . I 'm so glad I found him last year though . He makes such fun pop music and he 's so damn cute . I hate being the child that gets to cart family members off to the doctor 's . My dad and mom can still go together , but when he has to go to an appointment alone , someone has to be there with him , because he doesn 't hear well . I hate being the child that has to be there for all that . Right now I hate it a lot , because a few week 's ago he had a bladdar infection . TMI , I know , but I got my fair share of it at the hospital ER , m ' kay , so this is nothing . He 's taken two weeks worth of antibiotics and now the GP wants him to see a urologist . Why me ? I get nervous enough going to the doctor and I 'm only 35 . Taking an eighty - four year old man to the doctor is hell on the nerves . I fear the word that starts with a " C " . Actually I fear all health problems . The man had several inches of his colon removed last year . I worry . A LOT ! I was really hoping I could get through one year without health issue mayhem . It looks like that is not the case . And taking your father to the urologist has to be one of the biggest bits of suckery out there . I love music , but somehow in the last few months it has disappeared from my life . I don 't have it on a constant loop . I used to always have something playing in the background while I sat at my computer . Now it 's just silence . I really don 't know what 's happening , other than new music is so bleh to me and so many of my favorite artists aren 't recording new music . I finally got around to buying the new Lady Antebellum CD this weekend , and that album has been out for quite awhile ! Heck , Need You Now has even won awards . That 's not to say that I don 't have albums that I want to buy , I just can 't seem to get around to listening to them right now . The only albums I listen to are those of bands I 'm supposed to review . Needless to say , that doesn 't really thrill me much . I have discovered some great Independent artists through my job , but some of the more recent artists . . . well , not so much , and I know I 've said it before , but I think its sapped my love for music . Its taken away the love I had for music that I enjoy ! I hate that ! I actually prefer watching TV when I go to the gym , over the music on my mp3 player . You guys have no idea how sad that makes me . The red Chevy Cobalt went back to Enterprise yesterday and I 'm now $ 128 . 50 poorer than I was the day before . ~ sigh ~ I loved that car , but there is no way in hell I could ever own that car . It was so new it still had its sticker price from Chevy in the glove box . $ 19 , 400 . 00 and that was before taxes and whatnot . ~ bigger sigh ~ If I wanted to buy that I 'd be paying for it until I was dead and the car was long since dead , and that 's assuming that I could get a loan on a shiny new vehicle , which I likely can 't . ~ huge sigh ~ Plus between the weather and things that need done around the house I haven 't been able to save anything extra , in oh . . . about 2 years . At least I haven 't had to withdraw from my savings , but still . . . I had been doing so well before then . I doubt I 'll ever own a car that I would feel comfortable with taking on a long drive . ~ head desk ~ I 'm going to slink off and feel sorry for myself some more if you don 't mind . Today is April 26 . It just hit me right now . Its pouring down rain and I think its supposed to do that all day , so I will no likely be able to go to the cemetery . Today marks 2 years since Grandma has been gone . It doesn 't feel like that long . Two years since I walked down to her house to check on her shortly after 1 p . m . on a Saturday . I still can 't go in the upstairs without crying . I still can 't remember anything I said to her the night before , except that I was busy doing something not very important at all and I have never really felt like I said what needed to be said . Plus I will always feel like I should have been there , even though I know that there was likely nothing I could have done to help . I would have just panicked and screamed just as I did 4 hours later . So yeah , today is April 26 and I miss my grandma . It has been a crazy awesome weekend . Craig Ferguson was incredible last night in Greensburg . There was so much funny that I don 't even know where to start , but I will try to post a review over at Wenches tomorrow . Until then , you can check out some of my photos over here . Let me know which ones you like , so I can use them in my review post . Today I took dad out to eat at Rock Bottom Brewery @ The Waterfront . I don 't think I 've ever spent $ 40 . 00 on dinner for 2 people before and that was a salad for me , a pot pie for him and two beers ! Yikes ! I spent scads of money @ The Waterfront , mostly on books and stuff that smells good . Yes , that means , Bath and Body Works had a sale and I had a coupon . Not a good combination financially especially as the car is costing me a mint this weekend . But you know , sometimes you just have to say Fuck it ! Plus I didn 't buy anything at the show last night , so I deserved a little treat . The only problem is , I really can 't afford to do much of anything now for the next few weeks . Woo hoo ! I get to spend several hours listening to my favorite late night talk show host ! I 'm super excited about getting to see him . He 's been through the area before , as for some odd reason , he 's adopted Greensburg , PA for some reason . What can I say , he 's a crazy man . I just hope he 's $ 170 . 00 worth of funny . Why so much ? Because the that 's how much the weekend car rental is combined with the ticket price of $ 51 . 00 . Yeah . Car rentals are a bitch , but they are better than having your 1990 Beretta giving you a heart attack while driving on a dark interstate after midnight . Top 5 music videos you can watch over and over . You guys know the drill . Play along in the comments or in your journal . This meme is created for my site Music Memoirs . Feel free to go there and check out my other weekly memes and play along . 1 . The Moody Blues - Your Wildest Dreams : I have always loved this video . I could watch it over and over , and Justin really looks so lovely . Plus I love the song more than I should . 2 . Elvis Costello - . . . This Town : OK , how can you not love Devil Elvis ! ! 3 . Erasure - Take A Chance On Me : Just watch it an you 'll understand ! ! 4 . George Harrison - Got My Mind Set On You : Only the chair video please . This video is beyond cute . God I miss George . 5 . Roxette - Joyride . I just loved how cheap and cheesy this video was and the song was just damn fun . They don 't make em like this anymore . So our asshat , drunken scumbag QB has got a 6 game suspension for his wrongdoings in Georgia . Oh and I don 't care if he didn 't get charged with anything , the dufus did something that he shouldn 't have been doing , the least of it being providing alcohol to someone under the age of 21 . Asshat ! I really think that the guy has lots of problems . Problems that require him getting his drinking in check , so that he doesn 't do something that will land him in jail . And while he 's getting himself cleaned up and sober , maybe he should learn some respect for women . Just because you have millions doesn 't mean that you can just whoop it out to any drunk girl and tell her " Do whatever you want with it . " Because he might end up with a sadistic sort someday that might just take him up on that and leave the QB singing soprano . Lordy , its nice to know that alcohol and money make some people think they have the right to do anything . I hope the Pittsburgh Steelers trade that asshat down the river . I think I 've said , I 'd rather the team have a losing season then have them in the tabloids over something an idiot has done . ~ I 've read 50 books this year so far . Yes , they 've been romance novels but hey ! they are books too ! ~ Sick of hearing about our stupid quarterback . I wish the Steelers would trade that nasty sack of poop , or send him to a clinic to dry out cos , Big Ben is a raging alcoholic who needs help . Actually he needs a knee to the groin or to meet up with someone like Loreena Bobbit . ~ I 'm also sick of hearing about sugar and salt . I hate to tell the world this , but the stuff that 's killing us is all the perservatives that go into foods now . My gran lived to be 101 and for most of her life she used stuff like LARD ! And guess what ? That stuff didn 't kill her . ~ Its Turn Off week , for those of you that don 't know . I wish I could turn off the computer , but I just can 't drag my butt away from it . I can stay away from the TV though , cos everything I watch is in reruns right now . Boo ! ~ I 've also determined that if the world likes it , I won 't . I hate American Idol , I hate Glee , I hate Green Day . I think the only semi - popular thing that I like is Mika . ~ I 'm still hating on the politician who 's platform is " I believe in god , abortions are wrong , guns are right . " Seriously people , how in the fuck can you vote for someone like that . Its wrong to kill an unborn child , but its fine to have a gun , which will do what ? Kill or maim ? Uh . . . ASSHAT ! ~ Watched the first episode of the new season of Ashes To Ashes yesterday and all I can say is OMG ! It was great and Phillip Glenister is so sexy . I 've really got to spend more time around home for the next few months , aside from the stuff I 've got planned . I 'm close to getting some bills paid off , which is great however , every time that happens something bad happens to dig me just a bit deeper into the hole I 've almost crawled out of . Why is that ? I hate sitting around " The Roi . " There 's not much to do here and you can only read so much before the mind craves activity , and this is coming from a person who reads several books a week . There has to be some things in this area that are fun but don 't cost scads of money ? I just wish I could find them . It costs about $ 12 to go to Critter Country Animal Park . Round Hill Park is free , but it only takes about a half hour to walk through the farm . ~ sigh ~ Its just no fun being frugal . Its also no fun being broke . But do you know what ? I will deal with it , one way or another . I miss weekends being relaxing . Somehow even when I have 2 days to do whatever I chose , I don 't feel like I 've de - stressed . Something always happens to work my nerves up so I just can 't feel calm and ready to start another week . Take this weekend for example : I had a great time on Saturday in Wheeling . I enjoyed all the book stores and all the food . Wheeling has some great restaurants , chain and locally owned . Yesterday was another story . I was on my way to La Fiesta for dinner , or rather , we were about to go there , when I noticed something hanging from my father 's car . Oye ! Not what I wanted to see , so we took my piece of tin , which suddenly felt a lot more reliable . I don 't take it far because it likes to play games with my head . The last time I took it further than say 15 miles it decided to show me the engine light . Nothing was wrong , the car just wanted to tell me , that it went further than its comfort zone and it wanted to make sure I was shaking the whole way home . Yeah , that 's the kind of car I drive . I 'm taking donations for a Ford Focus . . . feel free to leave tips ! Yeah right . So besides the health issues both my parents have that keep me up at night with worry , I had the car to add to it . Glad that turned out to be nothing as well , but I 'm sick of being scared about stuff . I miss having peace of mind , or rather a piece of my mind left ! This cutie pie , ok , this geek , is the new Doctor Who , for those of you aren 't already aware of that . In the last 3 weeks this guy has more than proven he 's good enough to be called " THE DOCTOR " . I don 't think I ever expected to like him as much as I do , but every week he seems to get better and better . I 'm also really pleased with the stories so far . Of course , I 've found with all the previous series , the fist few episodes are really strong and make you want to watch the next week . It will be interesting to see how the next few weeks will turn out like , but even if some of the episodes are crappy , I think I 'll be happy with the new doctor . At least I have something to look forward to watching now . Even if I have to download it so that I don 't have to deal with an episode that 's been cut to ribbons so that BBC America can air more commercials . I love Wheeling , WV . I can 't believe that I 'm saying that but there 's just so much wonderful stuff there , from great food to great shopping . It almost always turns out to be a day of book shopping and eating and today was no different . I found several books at my favorite used shop in Downtown Wheeling , Paradox Books . We had crepes at Later Alligators . Oh and I got some gorgeous jewelry at a little shop in the market . Then we headed towards Triadelphia and Books - A - Million , where I hit the sale tables and had a crazy awesome frappe ! All in all it was a great day . Lots of books to read . Lots of good food consumed . Who could ask for a better day ? I know I can ' tNow I have to take an hour out of my reading schedule so I can watch the new episode of Doctor Who . Life is good , my friends . Life is good ! Top 5 songs you love to hear live You guys know the drill . Play along in the comments or in your journal . This meme is created for my site Music Memoirs . Feel free to go there and check out my other weekly memes and play along . 1 . The Moody Blues - Question : This song is just 100 times better when you can watch Justin and his big acoustic guitar . You get bonus points if he snaps a string . 2 . Elvis Costello - I Want You : OMG this song is awesome live . Its probably the best song Mr . Costello does live . If its not included in a concert , its a sad sad day indeed . 3 . Herman 's Hermits - I 'm Into Something Good : This song is just so fun when you get to hear it live . Actually any song Peter Noone does live is fun ! 4 . Gordon Lightfoot - The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald : I get to hear this one live in a few months ! ! ! 5 . Def Leppard - Two Steps Behind : I love this song . That 's all I have to say . The last time I saw them they didn 't play it , and it pissed me off royally ! I have issues ! Yesterday , we found out that my sister can 't go with me to see Craig Ferguson next weekend . I 'll be taking her oldest son instead . That doesn 't bother me one bit , except I 'm not sure if I 'm going to get paid for that ticket . Grrrr . I also have to rent a car for that night because I don 't trust mine to go 30 miles on an evening where no one could come and rescue me if the car decided to break down . Oye ! There goes another $ 100 . 00I 'm still looking for a car for about $ 7000 . 00 . I really want a Ford Focus , but for a smaller car , they are a bit pricey . I also hate the idea of having a loan on a car that may be dead before I pay it off . I don 't know what to do . Oh and I have a gadget issue too . I want an ereader . I 'm not sure why , but I do . I 'm in love with Barnes and Noble 's Nook . I blogged about it over at Wenches the other day . Any of you guys have an ereader ? Opinions ? I haven 't bought a gadget in a long while . I 'm do a new toy . I admit it . I 'm a girly girl . I like pretty things and sweet smelling things . That 's why I 'm ususally broke . I like to buy those things ! So when I get my emails from Bath & Body Works , unless its holiday time or near my birthday , I tend to send the temptation straight to the Trash . ( The coupons they send me in the mail , I keep , just in case ) Well my daily email comes but it has a special deal on the fragrances that they only sell in the stores a few times out of the year . Its an online only deal . And they have Flowering Herbs and Juniper Breeze . Those are two of the three Bath and Body fragrances that I have adored since the first time I set foot in their stores . Its one of the first emails I haven 't deleted , because my bottle of Flowering Herbs is almost empty . It doesn 't matter that I have about 20 other fragrances that can replace this one , its just a matter of principle ! I don 't want to go without the one I like best ! If only they would have kept Freesia Fields in the line up of Classics . That 's my number one scent , which I hate to use , because when its gone , its gone and the thought of that makes me terribly sad . I have a funny feeling I 'll be making a purchase sometime soon . I fell in love with a car on Saturday . A 2004 Ford Focus in French Blue . Sadly that little beauty costs $ 9 , 000 . Which is about $ 2 , 000 more than I would be willing to go . ~ Big Sigh ~ I 've spent a lot of time getting out of debt . I 've worked hard at it . I 'm almost there . Everything I have right now , credit card wise is more than manageable . I 'm not sure if I want to dive head first into a big loan . I 'm not sure my job is that stable . I just don 't know what to do . I 'm still looking , but why did this car have to be exactly what I wanted ? I always seem to be missing something food related and today is no different . When I was in college there was a little restaurant in downtown , Charleroi On Mon , called Monty 's Place . My parents used to go there for breakfast a lot after morning mass during the week and so did I . Don 't laugh ! I went to morning mass fairly regularly throughout college . I was kinda religious . But back to Monty 's , talking about the Catholic church right now just makes me angry . This place made the best omelets in the whole of SW PA . Plus they had a waitress that could remember everyone 's favorites . It was always fun to throw her off and order something different every now and then . This was a great family restaurant during the day . It became too much of a bar at night and that 's probably why its not still around . It attracted some not so nice types later in the day . But oh how I miss those omelettes ! They were so good . The only place I 've had a super great omelette like that since was in Atlantic City . . . . Mmmm . . . now I 'm missing Jersey and the Deli Omelette . Damn ! Suddenly there is a wealth of concerts coming through the area . Gordon Lightfoot in June and now Weird Al in July . I 'm trying to decide if I want to catch the Weird One . His shows are supposedly really good , and I 've always been amused by the parodies he 's done . Plus if I bought cheap seats it would only be about $ 35 . Not bad for a concert . I have until tomorrow morning to decide . ARGH ! Also , its not as if The Moody Blues or Elvis Costello were playing shows nearby , so I should enjoy the shows that I can catch . Speaking of which , less then 2 weeks until Craig Ferguson ! ! I had a freaky dream last night , and I wasn 't even under the influence of Nyquil . It was one of those dreams where I 'm trying to get away from something , but I don 't know what it is . At some point I was in our garage and it was totally dark . I walked back to the house , bumping into the rose bushes . I even got a branch stuck in my bracelet or watch . When I got back into the house I suddenly toppled over . I tried to scream but I had no voice . That 's when I woke up . I hate these kinds of dreams . I used to have the " wanting to scream " dreams quite often when I was younger , but I haven 't had one in a long while . I wonder what brought this dream about . This idiot is running for Congress and one of his commercials goes a little something like this : " I believe in God . " " I believe abortions are wrong . " " I believe guns are right . " WTF ! Dude , your priorities are whack ! Believing in God is no reason for me to vote for you . I want to know what the hell you plan to do if I would . Abortions are wrong ? That my dear fucktard is a moral issue . I don 't like the idea of abortions any more than most , but I really think if we 're going to claim to be a nation that has freedom of religion and of course freedom to not have religion , issues such as abortion should be tossed out of ballpark . Not an issue dude , but since you are obviously a fucktard republican that seems to think that women wake up every day wanting to get knocked up so that we can have an abortion , I 'll try to forget this . But " Guns are right ? " Uh . Let me see if I get this straight . Abortion is wrong , because that 's killing an unborn child . But everyone can own a gun , because they can be used in so many ways to . . . " KILL PEOPLE ! " or at least cause them great harm . WTF is wrong with you ! ! ! ! ! Pardon me while I go look for a candidate that has more than one half a brain cell . Oh wait , there aren 't any . Top 5 albums that didn 't live up to the hype You guys know the drill . Play along in the comments or in your journal . This meme is created for my site Music Memoirs . Feel free to go there and check out my other weekly memes and play along . 1 . Madonna - Hard Candy : OMG this album was shite ! OK , most of Madonna 's stuff in the last 6 years has been shite , but this one really took the cake . Justin Timberlake should never ever collaborate with other artists . EVER ! 2 . U2 - No Line On The Horizon : I held out great hopes for this album , but after hearing the first single and then the rest , I found it to be just a step above , How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb . 3 . Paul McCartney - Chaos & Creation In The Backyard : There are a few ok songs on this one , but there was so much hype about how fantastic this album was , that when I listened I expected more . It was a bit too depressing for me . Maybe Paulie should have waited awhile after the divorce to record an album ? 4 . Duran Duran - Red Carpet Massacre : OK , not a lot of hype on the music industry end , but on the fan end there was , and for what ? This is the biggest sack of poop the guys have ever foisted on their fans . BLECH ! And again , Timberlake and Timberland stick their noses in where they don 't belong . 5 . Elvis Costello - North : All the bigwigs thought this was the next best thing . Elvis singing love songs and breakup songs , a ' la jazzy ones . NO NO NO ! He 's done jazz better and he 's done love songs better too . However the album cover and inserts are gorgeous . . . and if you keep listening to the album it gets better , but it doesn 't deserve all the attention it got from the critics . I get Hungry Girl emails every day . I like some of her healthy eating tips . I 've also discovered some great lo cal snacks from her website , but I hate when she spoils eating out . Today she decided to tell us about Olive Garden . It doesn 't take a rocket scientist to know that very little at this restaurant is waistline friendly . I mean look at all that cheese . She then had to suggest cutting out the salad dressing and croutons from the all you can eat salad . Uh , sorry Hungry Girl . I love you , but if you mess with the best salad in the world , I have only two words for you ; FUCK YOU ! I also appreciate her reminding us that the bread sticks are 150 calories a piece . Really ? Did anyone think they they weren 't about that ? I mean a slice of bread is usually around 90 ? I don 't know about you , but the salad and bread sticks are my favorite part of the meal at Olive Garden . I really would like to bitch slap Hungry Girl for ruining it for me . I spent 3 hours in the ER with my father . Sadly this was from 10 pm til a little after 1 am . I have to wonder , do the hospitals not get paid if the patients aren 't in the ER for at least 3 hours , if not 4 ? Thankfully , it was only a bladder infection . He was given antibiotics and was sent home with us after about 3 hours . The only problem is , I only got about 4 hours of sleep last night and I have to go to work in less than an hour . I don 't know how I 'm going to keep my eyes open for 8 hours , I really don 't . If only I could call off . Someone please pass the super strength coffee ! If I were brutally honest I 'd have to say that today I miss having the day after Easter off . The only time that occurred was when I was in high school though , and I really don 't miss high school at all . Another thing I 'm missing today is Chunky Bars . Anyone remember these strange square candy bars filled with peanuts and raisins ? We used to have them in the house all the time when I was a kid . I think they still make them , they just don 't sell them anywhere where I can buy them . That 's probably a good thing too , because I 'd be the size of a barn with Chunky bars around . Yes , they were that good ! I want a Chunky NOW ! I have 2 reviews to write this weekend . I have much laundry to do . Oh and mass tonight is the super long Easter Vigil service , and that 's the mass I 'm probably going to attend . I 'm a bit batshit insane like that . I 'm just not sure where they time is going to come from . Did I mention I 've also got to help with the cooking for Easter ? Yeah , that too . Why is it that holidays only mean more work ? At least the really big holidays ? I think I like Memorial Day , Fourth Of July and Labor Day better . All they require is me sitting on my butt and eating burgers and hot dogs , that Dad makes on the grill . Life is good during the summer holidays . All the other ones are just a hassle ! Top 5 musical things that you are excited for this spring / summer You guys know the drill . Play along in the comments or in your journal . This meme is created for my site Music Memoirs . Feel free to go there and check out my other weekly memes and play along . 1 . The Gordon Lightfoot concert in June . 2 . The new Andy Bell CD that I think is due out in May3 . Hairspray @ The Benedum in July ( assuming I can afford it ) 4 . The Phantom Of The Opera in Aug / Sept I 'm not sure which one of these shows I 'm going to , but I 'm excited for both this and Hairspray . I 'm thinking when it comes down to money , The Phantom will win . 5 . Free outdoor concerts : I 'm hoping there are a few coming up at Oglebay this summer . It was a rough day starting out . I was battling the spreadsheets from hell at work . I went to the gym , did shopping at KMart to get cards for Dad for his b - day tomorrow and dessert for dinner . I didn 't even turn my computer on until shortly after 6 p . m . yesterday evening and I was greeted by an email from The Palace Theater saying that Gordon Lightfoot would be playing in Greensburg June 16 . I squeed and noticed they were doing presales already ! Guess what ? I 'm going and my seats are Orchestra , row C ! I 'm so excited and I didn 't even know about this until the email came ! I 'm so thrilled . I love Gordon Lightfoot ! This made my day , and will be the first " real " concert I 've been to in 2 years ! Last years shows were all freebies .
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Top 5 bands you wish you 'd discovered sooner You guys know the drill . Play along in the comments or in your journal . This meme is created for my site Music Memoirs . Feel free to go there and check out my other weekly memes and play along . 1 . Grey Eye Glances : By the time I discovered this band they were on a hiatus and now they are only playing the occasional live show in Philly . Seeing as I haven 't a good car and I freaking hate Philly , the chances of me seeing them in concert are pretty slim . Plus I also lost out on any " new album " excitement , because my guess is , there won 't be any of those any time soon either . 2 . Gordon Lightfoot : I would have loved to have known his music before his health problems set in , so I could have completely experienced that wonderful voice I hear on my CDs . 3 . Erasure : If I would have fallen in love with them a year or two earlier I might have had a chance to see them in concert . As it is now , there 's no chance of me ever getting to see them . Boo ! 4 . Keri Noble : For much the same reason . I discovered her about 3 months after she played a show in Pittsburgh and she hasn 't been back since . Grrr . 5 . Mika : I discovered him last year . I remember when his first album came out and I wanted to listen to it but never got around to it . I 'm so glad I found him last year though . He makes such fun pop music and he 's so damn cute . I hate being the child that gets to cart family members off to the doctor 's . My dad and mom can still go together , but when he has to go to an appointment alone , someone has to be there with him , because he doesn 't hear well . I hate being the child that has to be there for all that . Right now I hate it a lot , because a few week 's ago he had a bladdar infection . TMI , I know , but I got my fair share of it at the hospital ER , m ' kay , so this is nothing . He 's taken two weeks worth of antibiotics and now the GP wants him to see a urologist . Why me ? I get nervous enough going to the doctor and I 'm only 35 . Taking an eighty - four year old man to the doctor is hell on the nerves . I fear the word that starts with a " C " . Actually I fear all health problems . The man had several inches of his colon removed last year . I worry . A LOT ! I was really hoping I could get through one year without health issue mayhem . It looks like that is not the case . And taking your father to the urologist has to be one of the biggest bits of suckery out there . I love music , but somehow in the last few months it has disappeared from my life . I don 't have it on a constant loop . I used to always have something playing in the background while I sat at my computer . Now it 's just silence . I really don 't know what 's happening , other than new music is so bleh to me and so many of my favorite artists aren 't recording new music . I finally got around to buying the new Lady Antebellum CD this weekend , and that album has been out for quite awhile ! Heck , Need You Now has even won awards . That 's not to say that I don 't have albums that I want to buy , I just can 't seem to get around to listening to them right now . The only albums I listen to are those of bands I 'm supposed to review . Needless to say , that doesn 't really thrill me much . I have discovered some great Independent artists through my job , but some of the more recent artists . . . well , not so much , and I know I 've said it before , but I think its sapped my love for music . Its taken away the love I had for music that I enjoy ! I hate that ! I actually prefer watching TV when I go to the gym , over the music on my mp3 player . You guys have no idea how sad that makes me . The red Chevy Cobalt went back to Enterprise yesterday and I 'm now $ 128 . 50 poorer than I was the day before . ~ sigh ~ I loved that car , but there is no way in hell I could ever own that car . It was so new it still had its sticker price from Chevy in the glove box . $ 19 , 400 . 00 and that was before taxes and whatnot . ~ bigger sigh ~ If I wanted to buy that I 'd be paying for it until I was dead and the car was long since dead , and that 's assuming that I could get a loan on a shiny new vehicle , which I likely can 't . ~ huge sigh ~ Plus between the weather and things that need done around the house I haven 't been able to save anything extra , in oh . . . about 2 years . At least I haven 't had to withdraw from my savings , but still . . . I had been doing so well before then . I doubt I 'll ever own a car that I would feel comfortable with taking on a long drive . ~ head desk ~ I 'm going to slink off and feel sorry for myself some more if you don 't mind . Today is April 26 . It just hit me right now . Its pouring down rain and I think its supposed to do that all day , so I will no likely be able to go to the cemetery . Today marks 2 years since Grandma has been gone . It doesn 't feel like that long . Two years since I walked down to her house to check on her shortly after 1 p . m . on a Saturday . I still can 't go in the upstairs without crying . I still can 't remember anything I said to her the night before , except that I was busy doing something not very important at all and I have never really felt like I said what needed to be said . Plus I will always feel like I should have been there , even though I know that there was likely nothing I could have done to help . I would have just panicked and screamed just as I did 4 hours later . So yeah , today is April 26 and I miss my grandma . It has been a crazy awesome weekend . Craig Ferguson was incredible last night in Greensburg . There was so much funny that I don 't even know where to start , but I will try to post a review over at Wenches tomorrow . Until then , you can check out some of my photos over here . Let me know which ones you like , so I can use them in my review post . Today I took dad out to eat at Rock Bottom Brewery @ The Waterfront . I don 't think I 've ever spent $ 40 . 00 on dinner for 2 people before and that was a salad for me , a pot pie for him and two beers ! Yikes ! I spent scads of money @ The Waterfront , mostly on books and stuff that smells good . Yes , that means , Bath and Body Works had a sale and I had a coupon . Not a good combination financially especially as the car is costing me a mint this weekend . But you know , sometimes you just have to say Fuck it ! Plus I didn 't buy anything at the show last night , so I deserved a little treat . The only problem is , I really can 't afford to do much of anything now for the next few weeks . Woo hoo ! I get to spend several hours listening to my favorite late night talk show host ! I 'm super excited about getting to see him . He 's been through the area before , as for some odd reason , he 's adopted Greensburg , PA for some reason . What can I say , he 's a crazy man . I just hope he 's $ 170 . 00 worth of funny . Why so much ? Because the that 's how much the weekend car rental is combined with the ticket price of $ 51 . 00 . Yeah . Car rentals are a bitch , but they are better than having your 1990 Beretta giving you a heart attack while driving on a dark interstate after midnight . Top 5 music videos you can watch over and over . You guys know the drill . Play along in the comments or in your journal . This meme is created for my site Music Memoirs . Feel free to go there and check out my other weekly memes and play along . 1 . The Moody Blues - Your Wildest Dreams : I have always loved this video . I could watch it over and over , and Justin really looks so lovely . Plus I love the song more than I should . 2 . Elvis Costello - . . . This Town : OK , how can you not love Devil Elvis ! ! 3 . Erasure - Take A Chance On Me : Just watch it an you 'll understand ! ! 4 . George Harrison - Got My Mind Set On You : Only the chair video please . This video is beyond cute . God I miss George . 5 . Roxette - Joyride . I just loved how cheap and cheesy this video was and the song was just damn fun . They don 't make em like this anymore . So our asshat , drunken scumbag QB has got a 6 game suspension for his wrongdoings in Georgia . Oh and I don 't care if he didn 't get charged with anything , the dufus did something that he shouldn 't have been doing , the least of it being providing alcohol to someone under the age of 21 . Asshat ! I really think that the guy has lots of problems . Problems that require him getting his drinking in check , so that he doesn 't do something that will land him in jail . And while he 's getting himself cleaned up and sober , maybe he should learn some respect for women . Just because you have millions doesn 't mean that you can just whoop it out to any drunk girl and tell her " Do whatever you want with it . " Because he might end up with a sadistic sort someday that might just take him up on that and leave the QB singing soprano . Lordy , its nice to know that alcohol and money make some people think they have the right to do anything . I hope the Pittsburgh Steelers trade that asshat down the river . I think I 've said , I 'd rather the team have a losing season then have them in the tabloids over something an idiot has done . ~ I 've read 50 books this year so far . Yes , they 've been romance novels but hey ! they are books too ! ~ Sick of hearing about our stupid quarterback . I wish the Steelers would trade that nasty sack of poop , or send him to a clinic to dry out cos , Big Ben is a raging alcoholic who needs help . Actually he needs a knee to the groin or to meet up with someone like Loreena Bobbit . ~ I 'm also sick of hearing about sugar and salt . I hate to tell the world this , but the stuff that 's killing us is all the perservatives that go into foods now . My gran lived to be 101 and for most of her life she used stuff like LARD ! And guess what ? That stuff didn 't kill her . ~ Its Turn Off week , for those of you that don 't know . I wish I could turn off the computer , but I just can 't drag my butt away from it . I can stay away from the TV though , cos everything I watch is in reruns right now . Boo ! ~ I 've also determined that if the world likes it , I won 't . I hate American Idol , I hate Glee , I hate Green Day . I think the only semi - popular thing that I like is Mika . ~ I 'm still hating on the politician who 's platform is " I believe in god , abortions are wrong , guns are right . " Seriously people , how in the fuck can you vote for someone like that . Its wrong to kill an unborn child , but its fine to have a gun , which will do what ? Kill or maim ? Uh . . . ASSHAT ! ~ Watched the first episode of the new season of Ashes To Ashes yesterday and all I can say is OMG ! It was great and Phillip Glenister is so sexy . I 've really got to spend more time around home for the next few months , aside from the stuff I 've got planned . I 'm close to getting some bills paid off , which is great however , every time that happens something bad happens to dig me just a bit deeper into the hole I 've almost crawled out of . Why is that ? I hate sitting around " The Roi . " There 's not much to do here and you can only read so much before the mind craves activity , and this is coming from a person who reads several books a week . There has to be some things in this area that are fun but don 't cost scads of money ? I just wish I could find them . It costs about $ 12 to go to Critter Country Animal Park . Round Hill Park is free , but it only takes about a half hour to walk through the farm . ~ sigh ~ Its just no fun being frugal . Its also no fun being broke . But do you know what ? I will deal with it , one way or another . I miss weekends being relaxing . Somehow even when I have 2 days to do whatever I chose , I don 't feel like I 've de - stressed . Something always happens to work my nerves up so I just can 't feel calm and ready to start another week . Take this weekend for example : I had a great time on Saturday in Wheeling . I enjoyed all the book stores and all the food . Wheeling has some great restaurants , chain and locally owned . Yesterday was another story . I was on my way to La Fiesta for dinner , or rather , we were about to go there , when I noticed something hanging from my father 's car . Oye ! Not what I wanted to see , so we took my piece of tin , which suddenly felt a lot more reliable . I don 't take it far because it likes to play games with my head . The last time I took it further than say 15 miles it decided to show me the engine light . Nothing was wrong , the car just wanted to tell me , that it went further than its comfort zone and it wanted to make sure I was shaking the whole way home . Yeah , that 's the kind of car I drive . I 'm taking donations for a Ford Focus . . . feel free to leave tips ! Yeah right . So besides the health issues both my parents have that keep me up at night with worry , I had the car to add to it . Glad that turned out to be nothing as well , but I 'm sick of being scared about stuff . I miss having peace of mind , or rather a piece of my mind left ! This cutie pie , ok , this geek , is the new Doctor Who , for those of you aren 't already aware of that . In the last 3 weeks this guy has more than proven he 's good enough to be called " THE DOCTOR " . I don 't think I ever expected to like him as much as I do , but every week he seems to get better and better . I 'm also really pleased with the stories so far . Of course , I 've found with all the previous series , the fist few episodes are really strong and make you want to watch the next week . It will be interesting to see how the next few weeks will turn out like , but even if some of the episodes are crappy , I think I 'll be happy with the new doctor . At least I have something to look forward to watching now . Even if I have to download it so that I don 't have to deal with an episode that 's been cut to ribbons so that BBC America can air more commercials . I love Wheeling , WV . I can 't believe that I 'm saying that but there 's just so much wonderful stuff there , from great food to great shopping . It almost always turns out to be a day of book shopping and eating and today was no different . I found several books at my favorite used shop in Downtown Wheeling , Paradox Books . We had crepes at Later Alligators . Oh and I got some gorgeous jewelry at a little shop in the market . Then we headed towards Triadelphia and Books - A - Million , where I hit the sale tables and had a crazy awesome frappe ! All in all it was a great day . Lots of books to read . Lots of good food consumed . Who could ask for a better day ? I know I can ' tNow I have to take an hour out of my reading schedule so I can watch the new episode of Doctor Who . Life is good , my friends . Life is good ! Top 5 songs you love to hear live You guys know the drill . Play along in the comments or in your journal . This meme is created for my site Music Memoirs . Feel free to go there and check out my other weekly memes and play along . 1 . The Moody Blues - Question : This song is just 100 times better when you can watch Justin and his big acoustic guitar . You get bonus points if he snaps a string . 2 . Elvis Costello - I Want You : OMG this song is awesome live . Its probably the best song Mr . Costello does live . If its not included in a concert , its a sad sad day indeed . 3 . Herman 's Hermits - I 'm Into Something Good : This song is just so fun when you get to hear it live . Actually any song Peter Noone does live is fun ! 4 . Gordon Lightfoot - The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald : I get to hear this one live in a few months ! ! ! 5 . Def Leppard - Two Steps Behind : I love this song . That 's all I have to say . The last time I saw them they didn 't play it , and it pissed me off royally ! I have issues ! Yesterday , we found out that my sister can 't go with me to see Craig Ferguson next weekend . I 'll be taking her oldest son instead . That doesn 't bother me one bit , except I 'm not sure if I 'm going to get paid for that ticket . Grrrr . I also have to rent a car for that night because I don 't trust mine to go 30 miles on an evening where no one could come and rescue me if the car decided to break down . Oye ! There goes another $ 100 . 00I 'm still looking for a car for about $ 7000 . 00 . I really want a Ford Focus , but for a smaller car , they are a bit pricey . I also hate the idea of having a loan on a car that may be dead before I pay it off . I don 't know what to do . Oh and I have a gadget issue too . I want an ereader . I 'm not sure why , but I do . I 'm in love with Barnes and Noble 's Nook . I blogged about it over at Wenches the other day . Any of you guys have an ereader ? Opinions ? I haven 't bought a gadget in a long while . I 'm do a new toy . I admit it . I 'm a girly girl . I like pretty things and sweet smelling things . That 's why I 'm ususally broke . I like to buy those things ! So when I get my emails from Bath & Body Works , unless its holiday time or near my birthday , I tend to send the temptation straight to the Trash . ( The coupons they send me in the mail , I keep , just in case ) Well my daily email comes but it has a special deal on the fragrances that they only sell in the stores a few times out of the year . Its an online only deal . And they have Flowering Herbs and Juniper Breeze . Those are two of the three Bath and Body fragrances that I have adored since the first time I set foot in their stores . Its one of the first emails I haven 't deleted , because my bottle of Flowering Herbs is almost empty . It doesn 't matter that I have about 20 other fragrances that can replace this one , its just a matter of principle ! I don 't want to go without the one I like best ! If only they would have kept Freesia Fields in the line up of Classics . That 's my number one scent , which I hate to use , because when its gone , its gone and the thought of that makes me terribly sad . I have a funny feeling I 'll be making a purchase sometime soon . I fell in love with a car on Saturday . A 2004 Ford Focus in French Blue . Sadly that little beauty costs $ 9 , 000 . Which is about $ 2 , 000 more than I would be willing to go . ~ Big Sigh ~ I 've spent a lot of time getting out of debt . I 've worked hard at it . I 'm almost there . Everything I have right now , credit card wise is more than manageable . I 'm not sure if I want to dive head first into a big loan . I 'm not sure my job is that stable . I just don 't know what to do . I 'm still looking , but why did this car have to be exactly what I wanted ? I always seem to be missing something food related and today is no different . When I was in college there was a little restaurant in downtown , Charleroi On Mon , called Monty 's Place . My parents used to go there for breakfast a lot after morning mass during the week and so did I . Don 't laugh ! I went to morning mass fairly regularly throughout college . I was kinda religious . But back to Monty 's , talking about the Catholic church right now just makes me angry . This place made the best omelets in the whole of SW PA . Plus they had a waitress that could remember everyone 's favorites . It was always fun to throw her off and order something different every now and then . This was a great family restaurant during the day . It became too much of a bar at night and that 's probably why its not still around . It attracted some not so nice types later in the day . But oh how I miss those omelettes ! They were so good . The only place I 've had a super great omelette like that since was in Atlantic City . . . . Mmmm . . . now I 'm missing Jersey and the Deli Omelette . Damn ! Suddenly there is a wealth of concerts coming through the area . Gordon Lightfoot in June and now Weird Al in July . I 'm trying to decide if I want to catch the Weird One . His shows are supposedly really good , and I 've always been amused by the parodies he 's done . Plus if I bought cheap seats it would only be about $ 35 . Not bad for a concert . I have until tomorrow morning to decide . ARGH ! Also , its not as if The Moody Blues or Elvis Costello were playing shows nearby , so I should enjoy the shows that I can catch . Speaking of which , less then 2 weeks until Craig Ferguson ! ! I had a freaky dream last night , and I wasn 't even under the influence of Nyquil . It was one of those dreams where I 'm trying to get away from something , but I don 't know what it is . At some point I was in our garage and it was totally dark . I walked back to the house , bumping into the rose bushes . I even got a branch stuck in my bracelet or watch . When I got back into the house I suddenly toppled over . I tried to scream but I had no voice . That 's when I woke up . I hate these kinds of dreams . I used to have the " wanting to scream " dreams quite often when I was younger , but I haven 't had one in a long while . I wonder what brought this dream about . This idiot is running for Congress and one of his commercials goes a little something like this : " I believe in God . " " I believe abortions are wrong . " " I believe guns are right . " WTF ! Dude , your priorities are whack ! Believing in God is no reason for me to vote for you . I want to know what the hell you plan to do if I would . Abortions are wrong ? That my dear fucktard is a moral issue . I don 't like the idea of abortions any more than most , but I really think if we 're going to claim to be a nation that has freedom of religion and of course freedom to not have religion , issues such as abortion should be tossed out of ballpark . Not an issue dude , but since you are obviously a fucktard republican that seems to think that women wake up every day wanting to get knocked up so that we can have an abortion , I 'll try to forget this . But " Guns are right ? " Uh . Let me see if I get this straight . Abortion is wrong , because that 's killing an unborn child . But everyone can own a gun , because they can be used in so many ways to . . . " KILL PEOPLE ! " or at least cause them great harm . WTF is wrong with you ! ! ! ! ! Pardon me while I go look for a candidate that has more than one half a brain cell . Oh wait , there aren 't any . Top 5 albums that didn 't live up to the hype You guys know the drill . Play along in the comments or in your journal . This meme is created for my site Music Memoirs . Feel free to go there and check out my other weekly memes and play along . 1 . Madonna - Hard Candy : OMG this album was shite ! OK , most of Madonna 's stuff in the last 6 years has been shite , but this one really took the cake . Justin Timberlake should never ever collaborate with other artists . EVER ! 2 . U2 - No Line On The Horizon : I held out great hopes for this album , but after hearing the first single and then the rest , I found it to be just a step above , How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb . 3 . Paul McCartney - Chaos & Creation In The Backyard : There are a few ok songs on this one , but there was so much hype about how fantastic this album was , that when I listened I expected more . It was a bit too depressing for me . Maybe Paulie should have waited awhile after the divorce to record an album ? 4 . Duran Duran - Red Carpet Massacre : OK , not a lot of hype on the music industry end , but on the fan end there was , and for what ? This is the biggest sack of poop the guys have ever foisted on their fans . BLECH ! And again , Timberlake and Timberland stick their noses in where they don 't belong . 5 . Elvis Costello - North : All the bigwigs thought this was the next best thing . Elvis singing love songs and breakup songs , a ' la jazzy ones . NO NO NO ! He 's done jazz better and he 's done love songs better too . However the album cover and inserts are gorgeous . . . and if you keep listening to the album it gets better , but it doesn 't deserve all the attention it got from the critics . I get Hungry Girl emails every day . I like some of her healthy eating tips . I 've also discovered some great lo cal snacks from her website , but I hate when she spoils eating out . Today she decided to tell us about Olive Garden . It doesn 't take a rocket scientist to know that very little at this restaurant is waistline friendly . I mean look at all that cheese . She then had to suggest cutting out the salad dressing and croutons from the all you can eat salad . Uh , sorry Hungry Girl . I love you , but if you mess with the best salad in the world , I have only two words for you ; FUCK YOU ! I also appreciate her reminding us that the bread sticks are 150 calories a piece . Really ? Did anyone think they they weren 't about that ? I mean a slice of bread is usually around 90 ? I don 't know about you , but the salad and bread sticks are my favorite part of the meal at Olive Garden . I really would like to bitch slap Hungry Girl for ruining it for me . I spent 3 hours in the ER with my father . Sadly this was from 10 pm til a little after 1 am . I have to wonder , do the hospitals not get paid if the patients aren 't in the ER for at least 3 hours , if not 4 ? Thankfully , it was only a bladder infection . He was given antibiotics and was sent home with us after about 3 hours . The only problem is , I only got about 4 hours of sleep last night and I have to go to work in less than an hour . I don 't know how I 'm going to keep my eyes open for 8 hours , I really don 't . If only I could call off . Someone please pass the super strength coffee ! If I were brutally honest I 'd have to say that today I miss having the day after Easter off . The only time that occurred was when I was in high school though , and I really don 't miss high school at all . Another thing I 'm missing today is Chunky Bars . Anyone remember these strange square candy bars filled with peanuts and raisins ? We used to have them in the house all the time when I was a kid . I think they still make them , they just don 't sell them anywhere where I can buy them . That 's probably a good thing too , because I 'd be the size of a barn with Chunky bars around . Yes , they were that good ! I want a Chunky NOW ! I have 2 reviews to write this weekend . I have much laundry to do . Oh and mass tonight is the super long Easter Vigil service , and that 's the mass I 'm probably going to attend . I 'm a bit batshit insane like that . I 'm just not sure where they time is going to come from . Did I mention I 've also got to help with the cooking for Easter ? Yeah , that too . Why is it that holidays only mean more work ? At least the really big holidays ? I think I like Memorial Day , Fourth Of July and Labor Day better . All they require is me sitting on my butt and eating burgers and hot dogs , that Dad makes on the grill . Life is good during the summer holidays . All the other ones are just a hassle ! Top 5 musical things that you are excited for this spring / summer You guys know the drill . Play along in the comments or in your journal . This meme is created for my site Music Memoirs . Feel free to go there and check out my other weekly memes and play along . 1 . The Gordon Lightfoot concert in June . 2 . The new Andy Bell CD that I think is due out in May3 . Hairspray @ The Benedum in July ( assuming I can afford it ) 4 . The Phantom Of The Opera in Aug / Sept I 'm not sure which one of these shows I 'm going to , but I 'm excited for both this and Hairspray . I 'm thinking when it comes down to money , The Phantom will win . 5 . Free outdoor concerts : I 'm hoping there are a few coming up at Oglebay this summer . It was a rough day starting out . I was battling the spreadsheets from hell at work . I went to the gym , did shopping at KMart to get cards for Dad for his b - day tomorrow and dessert for dinner . I didn 't even turn my computer on until shortly after 6 p . m . yesterday evening and I was greeted by an email from The Palace Theater saying that Gordon Lightfoot would be playing in Greensburg June 16 . I squeed and noticed they were doing presales already ! Guess what ? I 'm going and my seats are Orchestra , row C ! I 'm so excited and I didn 't even know about this until the email came ! I 'm so thrilled . I love Gordon Lightfoot ! This made my day , and will be the first " real " concert I 've been to in 2 years ! Last years shows were all freebies .
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And now . Here it is . The day you 've all been waiting for since I released Do You Take This Quest ? and announced the title of book two . Not as long a list as my normal chapter lists . It may have something to do with the fact that I handwrote this book , rather than typing , but many of these chapters ended up super long . I think you guys will enjoy them . Wait . What 's that ? I 've pulled this trick on you guys before ? This is not what you came here to see ? Oh . That 's right . You came so I could share with you the beautiful new author picture that I took the other month . After all , the one on the previous Bookanias is over three years old , and the one on the back of the Ankulen just doesn 't fit the air of the Bookanias . ( Despite the fact that , when it was taken , I was dressed up as Robin . ) So my mom and I went and did another photoshoot , got some good ones , and I edited the best of them , picked out my favorite , and declared it my new author 's photo . Here it is ! Kendra E . Ardnek loves fairy tales and twisting them in new and exciting ways . She 's been practicing her skills on her dozen plus cousins and siblings for years , " Finish your story , Kendra " , is frequently heard at family gatherings . Her sole life goal has always been to grow up and be an author of fantasy and children 's tales that also glorify God and his Word . You can read more about her on her blog , knittedbygodsplan . blogspot . com . Fine . You want to see the cover for My Kingdom for a Quest , so see it you shall . But first , the mock cover , so you can see what my goal had been . And now , the cover you 've all been waiting to see , designed by my cousin Tenya Sharp Ingalls and her son Benjamin Ingalls . ( And for clarification , they 're my first cousin once removed and second cousin . And yes , they 're related to Laura Ingalls Wilder , they 're cousins several times removed . ) Arthur is the rightful king of Briton , but his Uncle Mordreth refuses to give up the regency . Arthur and Grandfather are now returning with allies to wrestle the kingdom from his uncle 's grasp . But not all is as it seems among his allies , and everyone has secrets . New loves , old loves , lost loves , kingdoms conquered and kingdoms stolen . Who is the real " rightful heir " and will the nearly forgotten sword in the stone finally answer this question ? Now you can go ahead and take the time to add it to your Goodreads to - read list - if you haven 't already . Just one and a half more months ! ( I think I shall replace WPFP 's wordbar with a countdown clock . . . let me go see if I can hunt one down . ) I also intend to make this book available to pre - order for $ 2 . 99 . I meant to have the link ready by the time I did up this post last night , but yesterday was my final round for Christmas , and it was far more intense than I 'd planned , and clicking the publish button went completely out of my mind until late last night , and it takes up to twelve hours before I receive a link . I shall add the link as soon as I can . Update : Okay , yes ! Link here and now ! A number of blogs are also participating in the cover reveal , and on most of them I 've answered two or three questions about this book and about my writing in general on each blog . Check them out ! And , now that the cover 's revealed , now I 'm going to talk about my promotion plans over the next month and a half . Well , it 's quite simple . From now until the release day , I 'm going to write reviews of sorts about the various novels and movies that I 've seen about Arthur . If you guys would like to talk about Arthur and promote my books in the same way , I 'd very much appreciate it , though I 'm not sure I 'm in a position to give out rewards for it like I did last year . ( Translation : I need to get a new job . ) Then , from the fourteenth to the twenty first , I 'm having a blog tour instead of the party I normally have . Click on the appropriate tab at the top of my blog to sign up ( and again , let your friends know about the sign - up ! ) . Knitted by Okay , here I am for my Character Encounter in Oz . I just wanted to let you guys know that next month there will not be a link - up , as ( 1 ) no one seems to be doing these anymore , ( 2 ) I 'm going to be busy editing and all that good stuff next month , and won 't have time for it , and ( 3 ) I can 't think of a location at the moment . I 've got a great location for February , though , so there will be a link - up that month . " Yes , this is Oz , " I confirm . " The land where people don 't die no matter how badly they 're hurt . They just . . . exist . " " Oh . " Madeleine was silent for a thoughtful moment . " But this is a beautiful place . My , but I can 't wait to paint it . " " I 'm quite certain you 'll get the chance , " I assure her , putting a hand on her arm and glancing at the paintbox she 's carrying . " After all , we get to stay in Ozma 's palace tonight as honored guests . " There are benefits of being an author , after all , especially in worlds that are now in the public domain . " I 've arranged it all . It 'll be such fun . " " Ozma gave us these rooms so that you might paint this one for her , " I inform her . " I 've told her about your love of painting and the fact that you don 't sleep much - they 're quite used to that here , what with all their Scarcrows , and Tin Woodmen , and Jack Pumkinheads . She 'd be quite disappointed if you didn 't paint these rooms . Now , are you coming to bed now , or is the itch to paint too bad ? " I shouldn 't have asked . She 's already plopped her box onto the tallest stool and is digging in search of the perfect colors and brushes . I smile and turn back to the bedroom , wondering what scene of Oz will greet us when we return tomorrow . Clara and Andrew kiss four times , all in part 5 . I almost cut the third of these kisses in this second draft , but then I got to the scene and it happened again , and this time it was even more perfect , so I just let it . For the squemish sort , none of them are very descriptive . I 've never been kissed myself , so I couldn 't possibly write one at all accurately if I decided to do that . In the scene where Clara and Andrew meet , he mistakes her for a giraffe . Er , well , that 's her story and she 's sticking to it . He has a slightly different memory of the event . For the longest time , I couldn 't decide who to dedicate this book to . ( I have the next two books already determined . ) But then I remembered that I promised my baby sister that I 'd give her this book for her birthday one year ( intending to create a small picture - book version ) , but it didn 't happen . So I 'm dedicating this book to her . Anyways , now onto Bookania . As some of you may have already realized , I 've set up a pinterest board for its fans . Anyone can join , all you have to do is ask and make sure I know your pinterest account name . This board is for you to pin anything that reminds you of the Bookania , the characters , and the plots . Have fun with it ! Okay , first off , to celebrate the holiday season , I have free books . ( No surprise there , I 'm sure , since I always have free books for Christmas . ) Every single one of my short stories are free on kindle through to at least Friday , and a few extend through to Sunday as well . And , TODAY ONLY , The Ankulen is free . Just click the image below , or my amazon tab at the top of the page , and you can find all these wonderful books . Okay , second , since I 'm very nice , I 'm going to treat you guys to some worldbuilding from several of my worlds . Christmas style . Now , as much as I love holidays in my own life , but for some strange reason , I 'm frequently negligent about including them in my writing . ( Because that means I have to keep track of a calender , and my brain just isn 't that organized . . . if you know what I mean . ) However , I do have a few worlds with some version of the gift - giving holiday season , so I 'll share those . First of all , we have the Rowa . There , they celebrate the Month of Blessings . As the name suggests , it lasts a whole month , and it is a combination of Christmas and Thanksgiving , and contains a lot of medieval tradition . This is the time of year when they 've finished gathering any and all of their crops , and they take the time to thank Yshew for his providence . There 's quite a bit of feasting over the course of the month , as they are making sure than any and all perishables are consumed before they spoil . The Rowans are generally nice all year round , but this month especially so . Everyone goes out of their way to help each other , and to share the blessings that Yshew has heaped upon them . It 's generally everyone 's favorite part of the year . This is one of the few holiday 's that has actually gotten into a book . I 've not actually experimented with any of the other holidays , and they 're still just theories in my head . Good theories though . I quite like them . I 've actually done some pretty good plotting for Bookania 's holiday , and I 've known about it for about two years now . It 's called the Turning of the Page , and is a combination of Christmas , New Years , and Hanukkah . The festival lasts a week , and each day has a different focus , and I 'm not sure what all of them are . The last day , however , is for turning over a new leaf , so to speak . Any and all graduations take place this day , most knighting ceremonies take place this day , and most girls chose this day to declare themselves of marriageable age . Gifts are given throughout the week , it 's a most joyous occasion . It had been my intention to write a short story about this , but Water Princess , Fire Prince kinda took over my life over the last few weeks . By the way , the girl pictured here is Rhine , the Cloud Sprite in charge of frost and snow . I actually have all ten of the Cloud Sprites well developed , and I meant to have another one of them show up in Kingdom , but it didn 't happen . I will have that particular one make an appearance in book 4 , though . Speaking of a world that 's taken over my life and all that good stuff . ( That reminds me , I forgot to mention that I finished WPFP two days ago . 136 , 000 words . Now I 'm plunging into book 2 because . . . I want to have it finished by the time I release WPFP . ) I actually didn 't know what sort of Christmas they had there until today , and I 'm still pretty sketchy on all of the details . I do know that theirs is on the first day of the year , which is in . . . hang on a moment , I need to go consult my calendar . . . Which is also the first day of summer . They celebrate not only the new year , but the creation of Rizkaland itself . ( Because , at the moment , I 'm only a thousand years into Rizkan history , they haven 't had their Sacrifice yet . One of the three auspicious moments of histories where every world is aligned perfectly . That 's a topic for another day . ) They give gifts , but that 's about all I know . When they crossed it in WPFP , they were in the middle of a war , and Clara and Andrew were in Amber 's clutches . . . either that or inside the Mountain . I need to work on my calendar . They have ten - month years and eight - week days , and their years are 365 days ( exactly , they don 't have leap year ) , but I haven 't worked out anything else . I need to sit down with a word processor and set up a graph for this . Anyone know a good FREE program where I can make calendars for fantasy worlds ? I really like this picture by the way , which I found just the other day . You see , I believe I 've mentioned that Jeptha was originally a giraffe , and then I changed it to a Jaguar ? Well , I wasn 't liking that , either , and I didn 't want to go with the obvious lion , and I needed something that could be intimidating , so a lamb was out . . . I was actually considering an eagle . So I took this issue to my mom , and we talked it out , and we decided that Jeptha was something like a griffon , but not quite . ( Hum . . . just had a thought , what if I changed Jeptha 's name to Alphego ? I 've not been quite comfortable with Jeptha for a few months now . . . I like Alphego , though . . . shall have to sit on that one . Alphego 's Hill . . . ) The body of a lion , the wings and head of an eagle , solid white , the body covered with lamb 's wool , the head and wings with the feathers of a dove . And then I came across this picture the other day and I was like that 's IT . No , I didn 't finish writing the book yesterday , as I 'd hoped , in fact , I didn 't make much progress at all . The scene I 'm working on is rather bittersweet , and I 'm not exactly sure what I 'm doing with it . However , I did decide on a release date of August 31st . A bit ambitious , I know , but I think I can do it . I have about seven months after Kingdom 's release to pull it off in . I also gave it goodread 's page so it can go ahead and start gathering interest . If you want to vote it onto this list while you 're there , that 'd be appreciated . You can also vote for Kingdom while you 're there . Anyways , I might not be done , by I 'm almost done , and I promised you the first of Andrew 's chapters . Normally , I don 't share two chapters for my books , but I feel it 's important to properly introduce both of the characters . So , here you go ! I am almost done with Water Princess , Fire Prince . As in , I only have one chapter left , and it 's the one where Laura takes them back home . Very bittersweet , but it won 't take me long to write . And so , I 'm going to celebrate properly by sharing the first chapter . Tomorrow , I 'll be back with the first chapter of part two , and hopefully news that I am done . I 'd hoped to be done yesterday , but I did get done with the heavy stuff . The last chapter is basically an epilogue , and I 'm considering labeling it as such . I 'll decide later . Anyways , the chapter , and your first introduction to the real Clara . ( Or something like that . I 'm tired . I just went twenty - four hours without sleep . Wait , no , that was Clara and Andrew . Never mind , just read . ) Kath gave an innocent smile . " It just seems to me that a redhead would be perfect for Clara . Hey , isn 't one of your cousins a redhead ? " " Yes , " Rhoda admitted . " Two of them are . " Oh , that 's right . Water Princess , Fire Prince happened . I 've been focusing on that , to push through and just get done with the story . Yeah , I 'm at that point . I can smell the done , and now my brain is shutting down and telling me it doesn 't want to write anymore . So I 've been powering through , making myself write at least 2 , 000 words a day . I managed 10 , 000 over the weekend . I maybe have 10 , 000 left to go . That 's about three or four chapters the way I write them . I know where I 'm going . I 've got draft 1 right beneath my computer . ( I have done some direct copying , I 'll admit , but not much ) . I 've reached the part of the story that I 've written since The Ankulen . ( How do I know this ? Handwriting . My Words Per Page went up while writing TA . ) In fact , I think I 'm working on what has been written this year . Anyways , on to the topic of my post . A couple months ago , the Beautiful People was themed villains , and I did Roxanne , who isn 't the antagonist , but she is a villain . Complicated , but that 's the world she lives in . Now , I 'm not sure if you guys know this about me , but I have an odd obsession with rewriting songs . I 've listened to several different rewritten versions of " Let it Go . " Naturally , I 'm going to rewrite the song . And yes , she does sound a bit cruel in this song , but she has her mask on . That 's how villains work in this world . Once she takes the mask off , she 'll be back to her quieter self . The decorations . I don 't know why , but seeing all the pretty lights , the majestic trees , the little details just makes it smell like Christmas . Shish - ka - bobs . I 'm the person who has Christmas ornaments taped to my ceiling all year round . We try to . . . my favorite of the mostly consistent ones is oo - ing and ah - ing . We pick a night and pile in a car and drive down roads looking at lights . It 's gorgeous . Unfortunately , Christmas season is also basketball season , and my dad refs , so . . . it doesn 't always happen . Favorite carol . . . Oh , wow . I have a list . Right now , first place goes to Mary Did You Know , if only because of this gorgeous version of it . I 'm drawing a blank , because most of the Christmas Music I sing is about the Reason for the Season . ( I . e . Jesus ) . In fact , if it isn 't , I have been known to rewrite it so that it does . Case in point : By treat I 'm assuming not cookies . . . hum . . . oh ! I love the candy cane Hershey kisses . I 'm not a chocolate person , but these are white chocolate , and peppermint and awesome . I had some last year . . . but I 'm out . I 'm going to have to resupply . I watch the Nutcracker . My favorite version is The Story of Clara , which is actually about a ballerina who used to dance Clara . It makes me cry . My favorite ornament is a blown - glass baby ballerina giraffe . She 's gorgeous , is mine , and doesn 't get put away at the end of Christmas . When she isn 't hanging from the tree , she 's tucked safely inside my giraffe collection . And now it 's time for round three of Beautiful Books . Editing edition . I honestly considered doing Kingdom with this link - up , since I was in the middle of editing . ( By the way , if you 've reviewed Sew and Take , then you 're eligible to beta read the book . ) But then I finished last night and sent it off to editors instead . Besides which , these questions are more suited for the beginning stages of editing . You guys aren 't tired of hearing about this story yet , are you ? ' Cause I 'm only going to talk about it more once Kingdom is published . Since I haven 't finished the book yet , I can 't talk release dates , but I 'm considering late summer . The absolute latest this book will be out will be October , I 'll tell you that . And I 'm absolutely excited . Rizkaland is one of my favorite worlds , and I can 't wait to share it with all of you . 2 . Have you ever rewritten or editing one of your books before ? If so , what do you do to prepare yourself ? If not , what 's your plan ? I have developed something of a system for editing . First , I let it rest for at least a month while I work on something else . Then I 'll pick it back up and read it as though I 've never even heard of the book before . Next is a line edit , where I send it to my kindle and see how many notes I can leave myself , with spelling , misused names , grammar issues . Sometimes I 'll add notes to expand a conversation or two , as it strikes my fancy . Then I 'll pull up the document on the computer and actually apply all of the changes . I 'm sitting at a hundred thousand words , but I still have a bit of part four to finish , and all of part five . I 'm considering upping the wordgoal meter on my sidebar again , but I 'm going to wait a few more thousand words so I can get a feel for exactly how many I have left . I 'm a putter - inner when I edit , and there are a few scenes that I know I need to add in part two . So , yeah , this is going to be a long book . I 'm actually a bit nervous that the next two books won 't quite measure up . I mean , the last time I wrote book two , it was a mere 25 , 000 words . I 'm not sure how long the first " draft " of book three is , but it 's short , too . I do need to deepen Andrew 's character a bit more in part 2 . I know what I want to do , I 'm just waiting until 100 - 4 - 100 is over . ( And I 'd like to finish the book first ) I think I would have skipped getting sick the last week of NaNo . I went down with a bad respiratory infection , and all the words just seeped out of me . I think I would have been done with the book by now if it weren 't for that , because I was seriously on a roll . I can 't say that anything has surprised me , but Clara and Andrew 's relationship shaped up differently than it did last draft . Part of it was the fact that this is a rewrite , and I found myself reluctant to place them entirely back at square one . But the main reason was the fact that I 'd actually taken the time to develop Andrew 's character on his own this draft . I knew him better , and he wasn 't content to just stand there and watch her blow around this time . 11 . What was the theme and message ? Do you think it came across ? If not , is there anything you could do to bring it out more ? Trusting on God 's timing . Klarand had to wait fifteen years for the Water Princess and Fire Prince to show up and get rid of the Lady Dragon . This is something that really annoys Clara , because from what she can tell , they 've basically done nothing during this time . ( This isn 't true , as with David and the temple , everyone has been preparing for the battle , so that once Clara and Andrew show up , things will just fall into place . ) Klarand had to wait for the Water Princess and Fire Prince because only they could get rid of the Dragon , and for anyone else to attempt it would have been a disaster . Do I good job of showing this ? I 'll give myself an eight . It still needs work , but I like where I 'm going with it . Of course , as I said , there are many themes , many of which I 've done really well , but we 'd be here all day if I chose to talk about all of them . I need a deadline . I have at least fifteen books in various stages of writing , and when I do write - as - it - comes , this usually translates into me writing a sentence on one book , a paragraph on another , editing two chapters on a third , and generally me not making much progress on any of them . NaNo 's my favorite month of the year . 13 . Comparative title time ! What published books , movies , or TV shows are like your book ? ( Ex : Inkheart meets X - Men , etc . ) Well , the series was inspired by Narnia , and it has a lot of Narnian elements , but it 's a lot more mature than Narnia . ( And longer . Did you know that LWW is actually shorter than Sew by a couple thousand words ? I forget exactly how long it was , but Sew is only 38 , 000 words . ) Depends , but it usually involves blasting all of my social media sites about it . I 've got a candy bar saved for when I finish this book , though . It 's going to be awesome . Don 't forget that answering the questions at the end of the post can win you a free paperback copy of My Kingdom for a Quest and all that if you 've written a review for Sew , It 's a Quest and Do You Take This Quest ? you 're eligible to beta read the book . The deadline to have your reviews will be Christmas day ( consider them your Christmas present to me , and I 'll consider early reading my present to you ) . You can also sign up for Kingdom 's cover reveal by clicking on the new tab at the top of the page . Robin is shown to a room where a girl stands in a corner still working on the painting . Which is odd since usually you don 't show a princess to a room that 's still being painted . Robin doesn 't consider the oddness of it , but she does walk up to the girl to ask when the painting will be done . Okay . . . obviously the girl is part of the painting . How interesting . And then the servant that had accompanied her tells her something . The artist was none other than Madeleine , the mysterious , missing aunt . What 's more , apparently Locksley castle also contains many such paintings . Robin has never seen them , but then , she 's never actually seen the walls . They 're covered in tapestries . Robin had noted in the previous chapter that Doranna 's dress was rather old fashioned , and now she herself is presented with an old fashioned dress . What 's up with that . Combined with the fact that everyone uses old - fashioned speech , which had previously been a novelty only to Rosamond , it presents a rather interesting enigma . And one more thing , before we move on . Robin is given a dress here , and she puts it on . A lot of people take issue with her because she refuses to wear dresses . But she doesn 't refuse here - and she could have easily gone to her bag and pulled out one of her own outfits , I 'm sure . Robin doesn 't like dresses , that 's a given fact , and she does complain when there 's someone to complain to , but she will wear them - as long as she doesn 't think that she 's going to get into a swordfight , when dresses are impractical . Her main issue with them is the fact that she considers their main use to be dancing , and she can 't dance . It 's interesting that the tour was originally just for Rosamond . She speaks as though she 's been to this castle before . Her cousin lives here . She should know it , right ? The tour is proceeding nicely when the fabled bag cat leaps out of nowhere , and some servants appear to deal with the thing , forcing it back into a burlap sack . Interesting . So it wasn 't as made - up as Robin had thought . That nasty creature dealt with , they go to the music room where Rosamond had left her bungalow - banjo - behind the last time she 'd visited . Doranna convinces her to play this instrument , and then the flute - on which Rosamond plays the song she 'd composed about Doranna going missing . They don 't seem to want to talk about it , but apparently it has something to do with Doranna turning down a suitor who was no true quince . Who knows what that means . Rosamond 's method of playing an instrument is interesting , as she always holds it a few moments before she begins to play . This is because it 's her gift . She has never learned how to play any instrument , but has always magically known how to play any instrument she picks up . Quite frustrating for someone who enjoys learning . Doranna begs Rosamond to play more , but she declines . When Robin glances at the grandfather clock , they 've been listening for over an hour , and they hadn 't even realized it ! This is another facet of Rosamond 's gifts , though I can 't say which one at the moment . Also , grandfather clock . One of the things my Grandma pointed out when she edited the book for me was the fact that the technology and other details aren 't exactly consistent . This is on purpose . Bookania draws from many fairy tales , from many eras . It 's predominately medieval , and they don 't have forks , but if I want to throw in a grandfather clock , that 's my prerogative . I have King Arthur learning archery at Robin Hood 's camp for crying out loud . If that isn 't mixing eras , I don 't know what is . The next room I deemed worth mentioning is the aviary , where we discover the nature of one of Doranna 's gifts - the ability to literally sing like a bird . Robert asks if she 's actually talking to them and she just laughs . The reason ? I hadn 't decided yet if she could actually understand them or not . In fact , I was honestly leaning towards not . At the time , my plan had been for her to become Snow White 's mother ( and thus die , wasn 't looking forward to that , honest ! ) and Snow White was going to get the same gifts as her mother , but exaggerated even further . And now we introduce Doranna 's fiance , Casperl , who 's on the run from a persistent fencing instructor . In the first draft , he 'd merely walked into the library . The whole sneaking business was my mom 's fault , but it 's funny . And it made for an adorable bit a dialogue between them . I regret that I haven 't had very many Doranna / Casperl scenes . That shall have to be rectified . That dismantled line is one of my favorites , though . 3 . Did you catch the penguin ? ( I ask this because I have a friend who grew up in England , and she thought it was a puffin . ) I am , first a foremost , a Christian . I accepted Jesus into my heart when I was three and a half , and have never regretted the decision . I am secondly the eldest daughter ( and child for that matter ) of a homeschooling family . Third , I am the author of The Bookania Quests , The Ankulen , and The Rizkaland Legends . Fourth , I am a knitter / crocheter / aspiring herbalist . I think that sums me up . And , here we are , at the end of Indie e - Con . Well , except for the prizes tomorrow . Stay tuned for that . I 'm currently on the air over at . . . Hello ! I promised you a new site for Indie e - Con - and here it is . Just click this image I 'm still working on the main website . . . Hello ! I 'm popping in with a fun game . I 'll start , course , and you guys can keep it going . One point per comment , and you can c . . . Hello , and I 'm here today to share the WINNING entry for this year 's Indie e - Con Writing Contest ! WHOOO ! ! ! This story was written by . . . A report I wrote at the age of 15 . The Bible has a lot to say about the trustworthy person . He is the kind of person who leaves other pe . . .
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And now . Here it is . The day you 've all been waiting for since I released Do You Take This Quest ? and announced the title of book two . Not as long a list as my normal chapter lists . It may have something to do with the fact that I handwrote this book , rather than typing , but many of these chapters ended up super long . I think you guys will enjoy them . Wait . What 's that ? I 've pulled this trick on you guys before ? This is not what you came here to see ? Oh . That 's right . You came so I could share with you the beautiful new author picture that I took the other month . After all , the one on the previous Bookanias is over three years old , and the one on the back of the Ankulen just doesn 't fit the air of the Bookanias . ( Despite the fact that , when it was taken , I was dressed up as Robin . ) So my mom and I went and did another photoshoot , got some good ones , and I edited the best of them , picked out my favorite , and declared it my new author 's photo . Here it is ! Kendra E . Ardnek loves fairy tales and twisting them in new and exciting ways . She 's been practicing her skills on her dozen plus cousins and siblings for years , " Finish your story , Kendra " , is frequently heard at family gatherings . Her sole life goal has always been to grow up and be an author of fantasy and children 's tales that also glorify God and his Word . You can read more about her on her blog , knittedbygodsplan . blogspot . com . Fine . You want to see the cover for My Kingdom for a Quest , so see it you shall . But first , the mock cover , so you can see what my goal had been . And now , the cover you 've all been waiting to see , designed by my cousin Tenya Sharp Ingalls and her son Benjamin Ingalls . ( And for clarification , they 're my first cousin once removed and second cousin . And yes , they 're related to Laura Ingalls Wilder , they 're cousins several times removed . ) Arthur is the rightful king of Briton , but his Uncle Mordreth refuses to give up the regency . Arthur and Grandfather are now returning with allies to wrestle the kingdom from his uncle 's grasp . But not all is as it seems among his allies , and everyone has secrets . New loves , old loves , lost loves , kingdoms conquered and kingdoms stolen . Who is the real " rightful heir " and will the nearly forgotten sword in the stone finally answer this question ? Now you can go ahead and take the time to add it to your Goodreads to - read list - if you haven 't already . Just one and a half more months ! ( I think I shall replace WPFP 's wordbar with a countdown clock . . . let me go see if I can hunt one down . ) I also intend to make this book available to pre - order for $ 2 . 99 . I meant to have the link ready by the time I did up this post last night , but yesterday was my final round for Christmas , and it was far more intense than I 'd planned , and clicking the publish button went completely out of my mind until late last night , and it takes up to twelve hours before I receive a link . I shall add the link as soon as I can . Update : Okay , yes ! Link here and now ! A number of blogs are also participating in the cover reveal , and on most of them I 've answered two or three questions about this book and about my writing in general on each blog . Check them out ! And , now that the cover 's revealed , now I 'm going to talk about my promotion plans over the next month and a half . Well , it 's quite simple . From now until the release day , I 'm going to write reviews of sorts about the various novels and movies that I 've seen about Arthur . If you guys would like to talk about Arthur and promote my books in the same way , I 'd very much appreciate it , though I 'm not sure I 'm in a position to give out rewards for it like I did last year . ( Translation : I need to get a new job . ) Then , from the fourteenth to the twenty first , I 'm having a blog tour instead of the party I normally have . Click on the appropriate tab at the top of my blog to sign up ( and again , let your friends know about the sign - up ! ) . Knitted by Okay , here I am for my Character Encounter in Oz . I just wanted to let you guys know that next month there will not be a link - up , as ( 1 ) no one seems to be doing these anymore , ( 2 ) I 'm going to be busy editing and all that good stuff next month , and won 't have time for it , and ( 3 ) I can 't think of a location at the moment . I 've got a great location for February , though , so there will be a link - up that month . " Yes , this is Oz , " I confirm . " The land where people don 't die no matter how badly they 're hurt . They just . . . exist . " " Oh . " Madeleine was silent for a thoughtful moment . " But this is a beautiful place . My , but I can 't wait to paint it . " " I 'm quite certain you 'll get the chance , " I assure her , putting a hand on her arm and glancing at the paintbox she 's carrying . " After all , we get to stay in Ozma 's palace tonight as honored guests . " There are benefits of being an author , after all , especially in worlds that are now in the public domain . " I 've arranged it all . It 'll be such fun . " " Ozma gave us these rooms so that you might paint this one for her , " I inform her . " I 've told her about your love of painting and the fact that you don 't sleep much - they 're quite used to that here , what with all their Scarcrows , and Tin Woodmen , and Jack Pumkinheads . She 'd be quite disappointed if you didn 't paint these rooms . Now , are you coming to bed now , or is the itch to paint too bad ? " I shouldn 't have asked . She 's already plopped her box onto the tallest stool and is digging in search of the perfect colors and brushes . I smile and turn back to the bedroom , wondering what scene of Oz will greet us when we return tomorrow . Clara and Andrew kiss four times , all in part 5 . I almost cut the third of these kisses in this second draft , but then I got to the scene and it happened again , and this time it was even more perfect , so I just let it . For the squemish sort , none of them are very descriptive . I 've never been kissed myself , so I couldn 't possibly write one at all accurately if I decided to do that . In the scene where Clara and Andrew meet , he mistakes her for a giraffe . Er , well , that 's her story and she 's sticking to it . He has a slightly different memory of the event . For the longest time , I couldn 't decide who to dedicate this book to . ( I have the next two books already determined . ) But then I remembered that I promised my baby sister that I 'd give her this book for her birthday one year ( intending to create a small picture - book version ) , but it didn 't happen . So I 'm dedicating this book to her . Anyways , now onto Bookania . As some of you may have already realized , I 've set up a pinterest board for its fans . Anyone can join , all you have to do is ask and make sure I know your pinterest account name . This board is for you to pin anything that reminds you of the Bookania , the characters , and the plots . Have fun with it ! Okay , first off , to celebrate the holiday season , I have free books . ( No surprise there , I 'm sure , since I always have free books for Christmas . ) Every single one of my short stories are free on kindle through to at least Friday , and a few extend through to Sunday as well . And , TODAY ONLY , The Ankulen is free . Just click the image below , or my amazon tab at the top of the page , and you can find all these wonderful books . Okay , second , since I 'm very nice , I 'm going to treat you guys to some worldbuilding from several of my worlds . Christmas style . Now , as much as I love holidays in my own life , but for some strange reason , I 'm frequently negligent about including them in my writing . ( Because that means I have to keep track of a calender , and my brain just isn 't that organized . . . if you know what I mean . ) However , I do have a few worlds with some version of the gift - giving holiday season , so I 'll share those . First of all , we have the Rowa . There , they celebrate the Month of Blessings . As the name suggests , it lasts a whole month , and it is a combination of Christmas and Thanksgiving , and contains a lot of medieval tradition . This is the time of year when they 've finished gathering any and all of their crops , and they take the time to thank Yshew for his providence . There 's quite a bit of feasting over the course of the month , as they are making sure than any and all perishables are consumed before they spoil . The Rowans are generally nice all year round , but this month especially so . Everyone goes out of their way to help each other , and to share the blessings that Yshew has heaped upon them . It 's generally everyone 's favorite part of the year . This is one of the few holiday 's that has actually gotten into a book . I 've not actually experimented with any of the other holidays , and they 're still just theories in my head . Good theories though . I quite like them . I 've actually done some pretty good plotting for Bookania 's holiday , and I 've known about it for about two years now . It 's called the Turning of the Page , and is a combination of Christmas , New Years , and Hanukkah . The festival lasts a week , and each day has a different focus , and I 'm not sure what all of them are . The last day , however , is for turning over a new leaf , so to speak . Any and all graduations take place this day , most knighting ceremonies take place this day , and most girls chose this day to declare themselves of marriageable age . Gifts are given throughout the week , it 's a most joyous occasion . It had been my intention to write a short story about this , but Water Princess , Fire Prince kinda took over my life over the last few weeks . By the way , the girl pictured here is Rhine , the Cloud Sprite in charge of frost and snow . I actually have all ten of the Cloud Sprites well developed , and I meant to have another one of them show up in Kingdom , but it didn 't happen . I will have that particular one make an appearance in book 4 , though . Speaking of a world that 's taken over my life and all that good stuff . ( That reminds me , I forgot to mention that I finished WPFP two days ago . 136 , 000 words . Now I 'm plunging into book 2 because . . . I want to have it finished by the time I release WPFP . ) I actually didn 't know what sort of Christmas they had there until today , and I 'm still pretty sketchy on all of the details . I do know that theirs is on the first day of the year , which is in . . . hang on a moment , I need to go consult my calendar . . . Which is also the first day of summer . They celebrate not only the new year , but the creation of Rizkaland itself . ( Because , at the moment , I 'm only a thousand years into Rizkan history , they haven 't had their Sacrifice yet . One of the three auspicious moments of histories where every world is aligned perfectly . That 's a topic for another day . ) They give gifts , but that 's about all I know . When they crossed it in WPFP , they were in the middle of a war , and Clara and Andrew were in Amber 's clutches . . . either that or inside the Mountain . I need to work on my calendar . They have ten - month years and eight - week days , and their years are 365 days ( exactly , they don 't have leap year ) , but I haven 't worked out anything else . I need to sit down with a word processor and set up a graph for this . Anyone know a good FREE program where I can make calendars for fantasy worlds ? I really like this picture by the way , which I found just the other day . You see , I believe I 've mentioned that Jeptha was originally a giraffe , and then I changed it to a Jaguar ? Well , I wasn 't liking that , either , and I didn 't want to go with the obvious lion , and I needed something that could be intimidating , so a lamb was out . . . I was actually considering an eagle . So I took this issue to my mom , and we talked it out , and we decided that Jeptha was something like a griffon , but not quite . ( Hum . . . just had a thought , what if I changed Jeptha 's name to Alphego ? I 've not been quite comfortable with Jeptha for a few months now . . . I like Alphego , though . . . shall have to sit on that one . Alphego 's Hill . . . ) The body of a lion , the wings and head of an eagle , solid white , the body covered with lamb 's wool , the head and wings with the feathers of a dove . And then I came across this picture the other day and I was like that 's IT . No , I didn 't finish writing the book yesterday , as I 'd hoped , in fact , I didn 't make much progress at all . The scene I 'm working on is rather bittersweet , and I 'm not exactly sure what I 'm doing with it . However , I did decide on a release date of August 31st . A bit ambitious , I know , but I think I can do it . I have about seven months after Kingdom 's release to pull it off in . I also gave it goodread 's page so it can go ahead and start gathering interest . If you want to vote it onto this list while you 're there , that 'd be appreciated . You can also vote for Kingdom while you 're there . Anyways , I might not be done , by I 'm almost done , and I promised you the first of Andrew 's chapters . Normally , I don 't share two chapters for my books , but I feel it 's important to properly introduce both of the characters . So , here you go ! I am almost done with Water Princess , Fire Prince . As in , I only have one chapter left , and it 's the one where Laura takes them back home . Very bittersweet , but it won 't take me long to write . And so , I 'm going to celebrate properly by sharing the first chapter . Tomorrow , I 'll be back with the first chapter of part two , and hopefully news that I am done . I 'd hoped to be done yesterday , but I did get done with the heavy stuff . The last chapter is basically an epilogue , and I 'm considering labeling it as such . I 'll decide later . Anyways , the chapter , and your first introduction to the real Clara . ( Or something like that . I 'm tired . I just went twenty - four hours without sleep . Wait , no , that was Clara and Andrew . Never mind , just read . ) Kath gave an innocent smile . " It just seems to me that a redhead would be perfect for Clara . Hey , isn 't one of your cousins a redhead ? " " Yes , " Rhoda admitted . " Two of them are . " Oh , that 's right . Water Princess , Fire Prince happened . I 've been focusing on that , to push through and just get done with the story . Yeah , I 'm at that point . I can smell the done , and now my brain is shutting down and telling me it doesn 't want to write anymore . So I 've been powering through , making myself write at least 2 , 000 words a day . I managed 10 , 000 over the weekend . I maybe have 10 , 000 left to go . That 's about three or four chapters the way I write them . I know where I 'm going . I 've got draft 1 right beneath my computer . ( I have done some direct copying , I 'll admit , but not much ) . I 've reached the part of the story that I 've written since The Ankulen . ( How do I know this ? Handwriting . My Words Per Page went up while writing TA . ) In fact , I think I 'm working on what has been written this year . Anyways , on to the topic of my post . A couple months ago , the Beautiful People was themed villains , and I did Roxanne , who isn 't the antagonist , but she is a villain . Complicated , but that 's the world she lives in . Now , I 'm not sure if you guys know this about me , but I have an odd obsession with rewriting songs . I 've listened to several different rewritten versions of " Let it Go . " Naturally , I 'm going to rewrite the song . And yes , she does sound a bit cruel in this song , but she has her mask on . That 's how villains work in this world . Once she takes the mask off , she 'll be back to her quieter self . The decorations . I don 't know why , but seeing all the pretty lights , the majestic trees , the little details just makes it smell like Christmas . Shish - ka - bobs . I 'm the person who has Christmas ornaments taped to my ceiling all year round . We try to . . . my favorite of the mostly consistent ones is oo - ing and ah - ing . We pick a night and pile in a car and drive down roads looking at lights . It 's gorgeous . Unfortunately , Christmas season is also basketball season , and my dad refs , so . . . it doesn 't always happen . Favorite carol . . . Oh , wow . I have a list . Right now , first place goes to Mary Did You Know , if only because of this gorgeous version of it . I 'm drawing a blank , because most of the Christmas Music I sing is about the Reason for the Season . ( I . e . Jesus ) . In fact , if it isn 't , I have been known to rewrite it so that it does . Case in point : By treat I 'm assuming not cookies . . . hum . . . oh ! I love the candy cane Hershey kisses . I 'm not a chocolate person , but these are white chocolate , and peppermint and awesome . I had some last year . . . but I 'm out . I 'm going to have to resupply . I watch the Nutcracker . My favorite version is The Story of Clara , which is actually about a ballerina who used to dance Clara . It makes me cry . My favorite ornament is a blown - glass baby ballerina giraffe . She 's gorgeous , is mine , and doesn 't get put away at the end of Christmas . When she isn 't hanging from the tree , she 's tucked safely inside my giraffe collection . And now it 's time for round three of Beautiful Books . Editing edition . I honestly considered doing Kingdom with this link - up , since I was in the middle of editing . ( By the way , if you 've reviewed Sew and Take , then you 're eligible to beta read the book . ) But then I finished last night and sent it off to editors instead . Besides which , these questions are more suited for the beginning stages of editing . You guys aren 't tired of hearing about this story yet , are you ? ' Cause I 'm only going to talk about it more once Kingdom is published . Since I haven 't finished the book yet , I can 't talk release dates , but I 'm considering late summer . The absolute latest this book will be out will be October , I 'll tell you that . And I 'm absolutely excited . Rizkaland is one of my favorite worlds , and I can 't wait to share it with all of you . 2 . Have you ever rewritten or editing one of your books before ? If so , what do you do to prepare yourself ? If not , what 's your plan ? I have developed something of a system for editing . First , I let it rest for at least a month while I work on something else . Then I 'll pick it back up and read it as though I 've never even heard of the book before . Next is a line edit , where I send it to my kindle and see how many notes I can leave myself , with spelling , misused names , grammar issues . Sometimes I 'll add notes to expand a conversation or two , as it strikes my fancy . Then I 'll pull up the document on the computer and actually apply all of the changes . I 'm sitting at a hundred thousand words , but I still have a bit of part four to finish , and all of part five . I 'm considering upping the wordgoal meter on my sidebar again , but I 'm going to wait a few more thousand words so I can get a feel for exactly how many I have left . I 'm a putter - inner when I edit , and there are a few scenes that I know I need to add in part two . So , yeah , this is going to be a long book . I 'm actually a bit nervous that the next two books won 't quite measure up . I mean , the last time I wrote book two , it was a mere 25 , 000 words . I 'm not sure how long the first " draft " of book three is , but it 's short , too . I do need to deepen Andrew 's character a bit more in part 2 . I know what I want to do , I 'm just waiting until 100 - 4 - 100 is over . ( And I 'd like to finish the book first ) I think I would have skipped getting sick the last week of NaNo . I went down with a bad respiratory infection , and all the words just seeped out of me . I think I would have been done with the book by now if it weren 't for that , because I was seriously on a roll . I can 't say that anything has surprised me , but Clara and Andrew 's relationship shaped up differently than it did last draft . Part of it was the fact that this is a rewrite , and I found myself reluctant to place them entirely back at square one . But the main reason was the fact that I 'd actually taken the time to develop Andrew 's character on his own this draft . I knew him better , and he wasn 't content to just stand there and watch her blow around this time . 11 . What was the theme and message ? Do you think it came across ? If not , is there anything you could do to bring it out more ? Trusting on God 's timing . Klarand had to wait fifteen years for the Water Princess and Fire Prince to show up and get rid of the Lady Dragon . This is something that really annoys Clara , because from what she can tell , they 've basically done nothing during this time . ( This isn 't true , as with David and the temple , everyone has been preparing for the battle , so that once Clara and Andrew show up , things will just fall into place . ) Klarand had to wait for the Water Princess and Fire Prince because only they could get rid of the Dragon , and for anyone else to attempt it would have been a disaster . Do I good job of showing this ? I 'll give myself an eight . It still needs work , but I like where I 'm going with it . Of course , as I said , there are many themes , many of which I 've done really well , but we 'd be here all day if I chose to talk about all of them . I need a deadline . I have at least fifteen books in various stages of writing , and when I do write - as - it - comes , this usually translates into me writing a sentence on one book , a paragraph on another , editing two chapters on a third , and generally me not making much progress on any of them . NaNo 's my favorite month of the year . 13 . Comparative title time ! What published books , movies , or TV shows are like your book ? ( Ex : Inkheart meets X - Men , etc . ) Well , the series was inspired by Narnia , and it has a lot of Narnian elements , but it 's a lot more mature than Narnia . ( And longer . Did you know that LWW is actually shorter than Sew by a couple thousand words ? I forget exactly how long it was , but Sew is only 38 , 000 words . ) Depends , but it usually involves blasting all of my social media sites about it . I 've got a candy bar saved for when I finish this book , though . It 's going to be awesome . Don 't forget that answering the questions at the end of the post can win you a free paperback copy of My Kingdom for a Quest and all that if you 've written a review for Sew , It 's a Quest and Do You Take This Quest ? you 're eligible to beta read the book . The deadline to have your reviews will be Christmas day ( consider them your Christmas present to me , and I 'll consider early reading my present to you ) . You can also sign up for Kingdom 's cover reveal by clicking on the new tab at the top of the page . Robin is shown to a room where a girl stands in a corner still working on the painting . Which is odd since usually you don 't show a princess to a room that 's still being painted . Robin doesn 't consider the oddness of it , but she does walk up to the girl to ask when the painting will be done . Okay . . . obviously the girl is part of the painting . How interesting . And then the servant that had accompanied her tells her something . The artist was none other than Madeleine , the mysterious , missing aunt . What 's more , apparently Locksley castle also contains many such paintings . Robin has never seen them , but then , she 's never actually seen the walls . They 're covered in tapestries . Robin had noted in the previous chapter that Doranna 's dress was rather old fashioned , and now she herself is presented with an old fashioned dress . What 's up with that . Combined with the fact that everyone uses old - fashioned speech , which had previously been a novelty only to Rosamond , it presents a rather interesting enigma . And one more thing , before we move on . Robin is given a dress here , and she puts it on . A lot of people take issue with her because she refuses to wear dresses . But she doesn 't refuse here - and she could have easily gone to her bag and pulled out one of her own outfits , I 'm sure . Robin doesn 't like dresses , that 's a given fact , and she does complain when there 's someone to complain to , but she will wear them - as long as she doesn 't think that she 's going to get into a swordfight , when dresses are impractical . Her main issue with them is the fact that she considers their main use to be dancing , and she can 't dance . It 's interesting that the tour was originally just for Rosamond . She speaks as though she 's been to this castle before . Her cousin lives here . She should know it , right ? The tour is proceeding nicely when the fabled bag cat leaps out of nowhere , and some servants appear to deal with the thing , forcing it back into a burlap sack . Interesting . So it wasn 't as made - up as Robin had thought . That nasty creature dealt with , they go to the music room where Rosamond had left her bungalow - banjo - behind the last time she 'd visited . Doranna convinces her to play this instrument , and then the flute - on which Rosamond plays the song she 'd composed about Doranna going missing . They don 't seem to want to talk about it , but apparently it has something to do with Doranna turning down a suitor who was no true quince . Who knows what that means . Rosamond 's method of playing an instrument is interesting , as she always holds it a few moments before she begins to play . This is because it 's her gift . She has never learned how to play any instrument , but has always magically known how to play any instrument she picks up . Quite frustrating for someone who enjoys learning . Doranna begs Rosamond to play more , but she declines . When Robin glances at the grandfather clock , they 've been listening for over an hour , and they hadn 't even realized it ! This is another facet of Rosamond 's gifts , though I can 't say which one at the moment . Also , grandfather clock . One of the things my Grandma pointed out when she edited the book for me was the fact that the technology and other details aren 't exactly consistent . This is on purpose . Bookania draws from many fairy tales , from many eras . It 's predominately medieval , and they don 't have forks , but if I want to throw in a grandfather clock , that 's my prerogative . I have King Arthur learning archery at Robin Hood 's camp for crying out loud . If that isn 't mixing eras , I don 't know what is . The next room I deemed worth mentioning is the aviary , where we discover the nature of one of Doranna 's gifts - the ability to literally sing like a bird . Robert asks if she 's actually talking to them and she just laughs . The reason ? I hadn 't decided yet if she could actually understand them or not . In fact , I was honestly leaning towards not . At the time , my plan had been for her to become Snow White 's mother ( and thus die , wasn 't looking forward to that , honest ! ) and Snow White was going to get the same gifts as her mother , but exaggerated even further . And now we introduce Doranna 's fiance , Casperl , who 's on the run from a persistent fencing instructor . In the first draft , he 'd merely walked into the library . The whole sneaking business was my mom 's fault , but it 's funny . And it made for an adorable bit a dialogue between them . I regret that I haven 't had very many Doranna / Casperl scenes . That shall have to be rectified . That dismantled line is one of my favorites , though . 3 . Did you catch the penguin ? ( I ask this because I have a friend who grew up in England , and she thought it was a puffin . ) I am , first a foremost , a Christian . I accepted Jesus into my heart when I was three and a half , and have never regretted the decision . I am secondly the eldest daughter ( and child for that matter ) of a homeschooling family . Third , I am the author of The Bookania Quests , The Ankulen , and The Rizkaland Legends . Fourth , I am a knitter / crocheter / aspiring herbalist . I think that sums me up . And , here we are , at the end of Indie e - Con . Well , except for the prizes tomorrow . Stay tuned for that . I 'm currently on the air over at . . . Hello ! I promised you a new site for Indie e - Con - and here it is . Just click this image I 'm still working on the main website . . . Hello ! I 'm popping in with a fun game . I 'll start , course , and you guys can keep it going . One point per comment , and you can c . . . Hello , and I 'm here today to share the WINNING entry for this year 's Indie e - Con Writing Contest ! WHOOO ! ! ! This story was written by . . . A report I wrote at the age of 15 . The Bible has a lot to say about the trustworthy person . He is the kind of person who leaves other pe . . .
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And now . Here it is . The day you 've all been waiting for since I released Do You Take This Quest ? and announced the title of book two . Not as long a list as my normal chapter lists . It may have something to do with the fact that I handwrote this book , rather than typing , but many of these chapters ended up super long . I think you guys will enjoy them . Wait . What 's that ? I 've pulled this trick on you guys before ? This is not what you came here to see ? Oh . That 's right . You came so I could share with you the beautiful new author picture that I took the other month . After all , the one on the previous Bookanias is over three years old , and the one on the back of the Ankulen just doesn 't fit the air of the Bookanias . ( Despite the fact that , when it was taken , I was dressed up as Robin . ) So my mom and I went and did another photoshoot , got some good ones , and I edited the best of them , picked out my favorite , and declared it my new author 's photo . Here it is ! Kendra E . Ardnek loves fairy tales and twisting them in new and exciting ways . She 's been practicing her skills on her dozen plus cousins and siblings for years , " Finish your story , Kendra " , is frequently heard at family gatherings . Her sole life goal has always been to grow up and be an author of fantasy and children 's tales that also glorify God and his Word . You can read more about her on her blog , knittedbygodsplan . blogspot . com . Fine . You want to see the cover for My Kingdom for a Quest , so see it you shall . But first , the mock cover , so you can see what my goal had been . And now , the cover you 've all been waiting to see , designed by my cousin Tenya Sharp Ingalls and her son Benjamin Ingalls . ( And for clarification , they 're my first cousin once removed and second cousin . And yes , they 're related to Laura Ingalls Wilder , they 're cousins several times removed . ) Arthur is the rightful king of Briton , but his Uncle Mordreth refuses to give up the regency . Arthur and Grandfather are now returning with allies to wrestle the kingdom from his uncle 's grasp . But not all is as it seems among his allies , and everyone has secrets . New loves , old loves , lost loves , kingdoms conquered and kingdoms stolen . Who is the real " rightful heir " and will the nearly forgotten sword in the stone finally answer this question ? Now you can go ahead and take the time to add it to your Goodreads to - read list - if you haven 't already . Just one and a half more months ! ( I think I shall replace WPFP 's wordbar with a countdown clock . . . let me go see if I can hunt one down . ) I also intend to make this book available to pre - order for $ 2 . 99 . I meant to have the link ready by the time I did up this post last night , but yesterday was my final round for Christmas , and it was far more intense than I 'd planned , and clicking the publish button went completely out of my mind until late last night , and it takes up to twelve hours before I receive a link . I shall add the link as soon as I can . Update : Okay , yes ! Link here and now ! A number of blogs are also participating in the cover reveal , and on most of them I 've answered two or three questions about this book and about my writing in general on each blog . Check them out ! And , now that the cover 's revealed , now I 'm going to talk about my promotion plans over the next month and a half . Well , it 's quite simple . From now until the release day , I 'm going to write reviews of sorts about the various novels and movies that I 've seen about Arthur . If you guys would like to talk about Arthur and promote my books in the same way , I 'd very much appreciate it , though I 'm not sure I 'm in a position to give out rewards for it like I did last year . ( Translation : I need to get a new job . ) Then , from the fourteenth to the twenty first , I 'm having a blog tour instead of the party I normally have . Click on the appropriate tab at the top of my blog to sign up ( and again , let your friends know about the sign - up ! ) . Knitted by Okay , here I am for my Character Encounter in Oz . I just wanted to let you guys know that next month there will not be a link - up , as ( 1 ) no one seems to be doing these anymore , ( 2 ) I 'm going to be busy editing and all that good stuff next month , and won 't have time for it , and ( 3 ) I can 't think of a location at the moment . I 've got a great location for February , though , so there will be a link - up that month . " Yes , this is Oz , " I confirm . " The land where people don 't die no matter how badly they 're hurt . They just . . . exist . " " Oh . " Madeleine was silent for a thoughtful moment . " But this is a beautiful place . My , but I can 't wait to paint it . " " I 'm quite certain you 'll get the chance , " I assure her , putting a hand on her arm and glancing at the paintbox she 's carrying . " After all , we get to stay in Ozma 's palace tonight as honored guests . " There are benefits of being an author , after all , especially in worlds that are now in the public domain . " I 've arranged it all . It 'll be such fun . " " Ozma gave us these rooms so that you might paint this one for her , " I inform her . " I 've told her about your love of painting and the fact that you don 't sleep much - they 're quite used to that here , what with all their Scarcrows , and Tin Woodmen , and Jack Pumkinheads . She 'd be quite disappointed if you didn 't paint these rooms . Now , are you coming to bed now , or is the itch to paint too bad ? " I shouldn 't have asked . She 's already plopped her box onto the tallest stool and is digging in search of the perfect colors and brushes . I smile and turn back to the bedroom , wondering what scene of Oz will greet us when we return tomorrow . Clara and Andrew kiss four times , all in part 5 . I almost cut the third of these kisses in this second draft , but then I got to the scene and it happened again , and this time it was even more perfect , so I just let it . For the squemish sort , none of them are very descriptive . I 've never been kissed myself , so I couldn 't possibly write one at all accurately if I decided to do that . In the scene where Clara and Andrew meet , he mistakes her for a giraffe . Er , well , that 's her story and she 's sticking to it . He has a slightly different memory of the event . For the longest time , I couldn 't decide who to dedicate this book to . ( I have the next two books already determined . ) But then I remembered that I promised my baby sister that I 'd give her this book for her birthday one year ( intending to create a small picture - book version ) , but it didn 't happen . So I 'm dedicating this book to her . Anyways , now onto Bookania . As some of you may have already realized , I 've set up a pinterest board for its fans . Anyone can join , all you have to do is ask and make sure I know your pinterest account name . This board is for you to pin anything that reminds you of the Bookania , the characters , and the plots . Have fun with it ! Okay , first off , to celebrate the holiday season , I have free books . ( No surprise there , I 'm sure , since I always have free books for Christmas . ) Every single one of my short stories are free on kindle through to at least Friday , and a few extend through to Sunday as well . And , TODAY ONLY , The Ankulen is free . Just click the image below , or my amazon tab at the top of the page , and you can find all these wonderful books . Okay , second , since I 'm very nice , I 'm going to treat you guys to some worldbuilding from several of my worlds . Christmas style . Now , as much as I love holidays in my own life , but for some strange reason , I 'm frequently negligent about including them in my writing . ( Because that means I have to keep track of a calender , and my brain just isn 't that organized . . . if you know what I mean . ) However , I do have a few worlds with some version of the gift - giving holiday season , so I 'll share those . First of all , we have the Rowa . There , they celebrate the Month of Blessings . As the name suggests , it lasts a whole month , and it is a combination of Christmas and Thanksgiving , and contains a lot of medieval tradition . This is the time of year when they 've finished gathering any and all of their crops , and they take the time to thank Yshew for his providence . There 's quite a bit of feasting over the course of the month , as they are making sure than any and all perishables are consumed before they spoil . The Rowans are generally nice all year round , but this month especially so . Everyone goes out of their way to help each other , and to share the blessings that Yshew has heaped upon them . It 's generally everyone 's favorite part of the year . This is one of the few holiday 's that has actually gotten into a book . I 've not actually experimented with any of the other holidays , and they 're still just theories in my head . Good theories though . I quite like them . I 've actually done some pretty good plotting for Bookania 's holiday , and I 've known about it for about two years now . It 's called the Turning of the Page , and is a combination of Christmas , New Years , and Hanukkah . The festival lasts a week , and each day has a different focus , and I 'm not sure what all of them are . The last day , however , is for turning over a new leaf , so to speak . Any and all graduations take place this day , most knighting ceremonies take place this day , and most girls chose this day to declare themselves of marriageable age . Gifts are given throughout the week , it 's a most joyous occasion . It had been my intention to write a short story about this , but Water Princess , Fire Prince kinda took over my life over the last few weeks . By the way , the girl pictured here is Rhine , the Cloud Sprite in charge of frost and snow . I actually have all ten of the Cloud Sprites well developed , and I meant to have another one of them show up in Kingdom , but it didn 't happen . I will have that particular one make an appearance in book 4 , though . Speaking of a world that 's taken over my life and all that good stuff . ( That reminds me , I forgot to mention that I finished WPFP two days ago . 136 , 000 words . Now I 'm plunging into book 2 because . . . I want to have it finished by the time I release WPFP . ) I actually didn 't know what sort of Christmas they had there until today , and I 'm still pretty sketchy on all of the details . I do know that theirs is on the first day of the year , which is in . . . hang on a moment , I need to go consult my calendar . . . Which is also the first day of summer . They celebrate not only the new year , but the creation of Rizkaland itself . ( Because , at the moment , I 'm only a thousand years into Rizkan history , they haven 't had their Sacrifice yet . One of the three auspicious moments of histories where every world is aligned perfectly . That 's a topic for another day . ) They give gifts , but that 's about all I know . When they crossed it in WPFP , they were in the middle of a war , and Clara and Andrew were in Amber 's clutches . . . either that or inside the Mountain . I need to work on my calendar . They have ten - month years and eight - week days , and their years are 365 days ( exactly , they don 't have leap year ) , but I haven 't worked out anything else . I need to sit down with a word processor and set up a graph for this . Anyone know a good FREE program where I can make calendars for fantasy worlds ? I really like this picture by the way , which I found just the other day . You see , I believe I 've mentioned that Jeptha was originally a giraffe , and then I changed it to a Jaguar ? Well , I wasn 't liking that , either , and I didn 't want to go with the obvious lion , and I needed something that could be intimidating , so a lamb was out . . . I was actually considering an eagle . So I took this issue to my mom , and we talked it out , and we decided that Jeptha was something like a griffon , but not quite . ( Hum . . . just had a thought , what if I changed Jeptha 's name to Alphego ? I 've not been quite comfortable with Jeptha for a few months now . . . I like Alphego , though . . . shall have to sit on that one . Alphego 's Hill . . . ) The body of a lion , the wings and head of an eagle , solid white , the body covered with lamb 's wool , the head and wings with the feathers of a dove . And then I came across this picture the other day and I was like that 's IT . No , I didn 't finish writing the book yesterday , as I 'd hoped , in fact , I didn 't make much progress at all . The scene I 'm working on is rather bittersweet , and I 'm not exactly sure what I 'm doing with it . However , I did decide on a release date of August 31st . A bit ambitious , I know , but I think I can do it . I have about seven months after Kingdom 's release to pull it off in . I also gave it goodread 's page so it can go ahead and start gathering interest . If you want to vote it onto this list while you 're there , that 'd be appreciated . You can also vote for Kingdom while you 're there . Anyways , I might not be done , by I 'm almost done , and I promised you the first of Andrew 's chapters . Normally , I don 't share two chapters for my books , but I feel it 's important to properly introduce both of the characters . So , here you go ! I am almost done with Water Princess , Fire Prince . As in , I only have one chapter left , and it 's the one where Laura takes them back home . Very bittersweet , but it won 't take me long to write . And so , I 'm going to celebrate properly by sharing the first chapter . Tomorrow , I 'll be back with the first chapter of part two , and hopefully news that I am done . I 'd hoped to be done yesterday , but I did get done with the heavy stuff . The last chapter is basically an epilogue , and I 'm considering labeling it as such . I 'll decide later . Anyways , the chapter , and your first introduction to the real Clara . ( Or something like that . I 'm tired . I just went twenty - four hours without sleep . Wait , no , that was Clara and Andrew . Never mind , just read . ) Kath gave an innocent smile . " It just seems to me that a redhead would be perfect for Clara . Hey , isn 't one of your cousins a redhead ? " " Yes , " Rhoda admitted . " Two of them are . " Oh , that 's right . Water Princess , Fire Prince happened . I 've been focusing on that , to push through and just get done with the story . Yeah , I 'm at that point . I can smell the done , and now my brain is shutting down and telling me it doesn 't want to write anymore . So I 've been powering through , making myself write at least 2 , 000 words a day . I managed 10 , 000 over the weekend . I maybe have 10 , 000 left to go . That 's about three or four chapters the way I write them . I know where I 'm going . I 've got draft 1 right beneath my computer . ( I have done some direct copying , I 'll admit , but not much ) . I 've reached the part of the story that I 've written since The Ankulen . ( How do I know this ? Handwriting . My Words Per Page went up while writing TA . ) In fact , I think I 'm working on what has been written this year . Anyways , on to the topic of my post . A couple months ago , the Beautiful People was themed villains , and I did Roxanne , who isn 't the antagonist , but she is a villain . Complicated , but that 's the world she lives in . Now , I 'm not sure if you guys know this about me , but I have an odd obsession with rewriting songs . I 've listened to several different rewritten versions of " Let it Go . " Naturally , I 'm going to rewrite the song . And yes , she does sound a bit cruel in this song , but she has her mask on . That 's how villains work in this world . Once she takes the mask off , she 'll be back to her quieter self . The decorations . I don 't know why , but seeing all the pretty lights , the majestic trees , the little details just makes it smell like Christmas . Shish - ka - bobs . I 'm the person who has Christmas ornaments taped to my ceiling all year round . We try to . . . my favorite of the mostly consistent ones is oo - ing and ah - ing . We pick a night and pile in a car and drive down roads looking at lights . It 's gorgeous . Unfortunately , Christmas season is also basketball season , and my dad refs , so . . . it doesn 't always happen . Favorite carol . . . Oh , wow . I have a list . Right now , first place goes to Mary Did You Know , if only because of this gorgeous version of it . I 'm drawing a blank , because most of the Christmas Music I sing is about the Reason for the Season . ( I . e . Jesus ) . In fact , if it isn 't , I have been known to rewrite it so that it does . Case in point : By treat I 'm assuming not cookies . . . hum . . . oh ! I love the candy cane Hershey kisses . I 'm not a chocolate person , but these are white chocolate , and peppermint and awesome . I had some last year . . . but I 'm out . I 'm going to have to resupply . I watch the Nutcracker . My favorite version is The Story of Clara , which is actually about a ballerina who used to dance Clara . It makes me cry . My favorite ornament is a blown - glass baby ballerina giraffe . She 's gorgeous , is mine , and doesn 't get put away at the end of Christmas . When she isn 't hanging from the tree , she 's tucked safely inside my giraffe collection . And now it 's time for round three of Beautiful Books . Editing edition . I honestly considered doing Kingdom with this link - up , since I was in the middle of editing . ( By the way , if you 've reviewed Sew and Take , then you 're eligible to beta read the book . ) But then I finished last night and sent it off to editors instead . Besides which , these questions are more suited for the beginning stages of editing . You guys aren 't tired of hearing about this story yet , are you ? ' Cause I 'm only going to talk about it more once Kingdom is published . Since I haven 't finished the book yet , I can 't talk release dates , but I 'm considering late summer . The absolute latest this book will be out will be October , I 'll tell you that . And I 'm absolutely excited . Rizkaland is one of my favorite worlds , and I can 't wait to share it with all of you . 2 . Have you ever rewritten or editing one of your books before ? If so , what do you do to prepare yourself ? If not , what 's your plan ? I have developed something of a system for editing . First , I let it rest for at least a month while I work on something else . Then I 'll pick it back up and read it as though I 've never even heard of the book before . Next is a line edit , where I send it to my kindle and see how many notes I can leave myself , with spelling , misused names , grammar issues . Sometimes I 'll add notes to expand a conversation or two , as it strikes my fancy . Then I 'll pull up the document on the computer and actually apply all of the changes . I 'm sitting at a hundred thousand words , but I still have a bit of part four to finish , and all of part five . I 'm considering upping the wordgoal meter on my sidebar again , but I 'm going to wait a few more thousand words so I can get a feel for exactly how many I have left . I 'm a putter - inner when I edit , and there are a few scenes that I know I need to add in part two . So , yeah , this is going to be a long book . I 'm actually a bit nervous that the next two books won 't quite measure up . I mean , the last time I wrote book two , it was a mere 25 , 000 words . I 'm not sure how long the first " draft " of book three is , but it 's short , too . I do need to deepen Andrew 's character a bit more in part 2 . I know what I want to do , I 'm just waiting until 100 - 4 - 100 is over . ( And I 'd like to finish the book first ) I think I would have skipped getting sick the last week of NaNo . I went down with a bad respiratory infection , and all the words just seeped out of me . I think I would have been done with the book by now if it weren 't for that , because I was seriously on a roll . I can 't say that anything has surprised me , but Clara and Andrew 's relationship shaped up differently than it did last draft . Part of it was the fact that this is a rewrite , and I found myself reluctant to place them entirely back at square one . But the main reason was the fact that I 'd actually taken the time to develop Andrew 's character on his own this draft . I knew him better , and he wasn 't content to just stand there and watch her blow around this time . 11 . What was the theme and message ? Do you think it came across ? If not , is there anything you could do to bring it out more ? Trusting on God 's timing . Klarand had to wait fifteen years for the Water Princess and Fire Prince to show up and get rid of the Lady Dragon . This is something that really annoys Clara , because from what she can tell , they 've basically done nothing during this time . ( This isn 't true , as with David and the temple , everyone has been preparing for the battle , so that once Clara and Andrew show up , things will just fall into place . ) Klarand had to wait for the Water Princess and Fire Prince because only they could get rid of the Dragon , and for anyone else to attempt it would have been a disaster . Do I good job of showing this ? I 'll give myself an eight . It still needs work , but I like where I 'm going with it . Of course , as I said , there are many themes , many of which I 've done really well , but we 'd be here all day if I chose to talk about all of them . I need a deadline . I have at least fifteen books in various stages of writing , and when I do write - as - it - comes , this usually translates into me writing a sentence on one book , a paragraph on another , editing two chapters on a third , and generally me not making much progress on any of them . NaNo 's my favorite month of the year . 13 . Comparative title time ! What published books , movies , or TV shows are like your book ? ( Ex : Inkheart meets X - Men , etc . ) Well , the series was inspired by Narnia , and it has a lot of Narnian elements , but it 's a lot more mature than Narnia . ( And longer . Did you know that LWW is actually shorter than Sew by a couple thousand words ? I forget exactly how long it was , but Sew is only 38 , 000 words . ) Depends , but it usually involves blasting all of my social media sites about it . I 've got a candy bar saved for when I finish this book , though . It 's going to be awesome . Don 't forget that answering the questions at the end of the post can win you a free paperback copy of My Kingdom for a Quest and all that if you 've written a review for Sew , It 's a Quest and Do You Take This Quest ? you 're eligible to beta read the book . The deadline to have your reviews will be Christmas day ( consider them your Christmas present to me , and I 'll consider early reading my present to you ) . You can also sign up for Kingdom 's cover reveal by clicking on the new tab at the top of the page . Robin is shown to a room where a girl stands in a corner still working on the painting . Which is odd since usually you don 't show a princess to a room that 's still being painted . Robin doesn 't consider the oddness of it , but she does walk up to the girl to ask when the painting will be done . Okay . . . obviously the girl is part of the painting . How interesting . And then the servant that had accompanied her tells her something . The artist was none other than Madeleine , the mysterious , missing aunt . What 's more , apparently Locksley castle also contains many such paintings . Robin has never seen them , but then , she 's never actually seen the walls . They 're covered in tapestries . Robin had noted in the previous chapter that Doranna 's dress was rather old fashioned , and now she herself is presented with an old fashioned dress . What 's up with that . Combined with the fact that everyone uses old - fashioned speech , which had previously been a novelty only to Rosamond , it presents a rather interesting enigma . And one more thing , before we move on . Robin is given a dress here , and she puts it on . A lot of people take issue with her because she refuses to wear dresses . But she doesn 't refuse here - and she could have easily gone to her bag and pulled out one of her own outfits , I 'm sure . Robin doesn 't like dresses , that 's a given fact , and she does complain when there 's someone to complain to , but she will wear them - as long as she doesn 't think that she 's going to get into a swordfight , when dresses are impractical . Her main issue with them is the fact that she considers their main use to be dancing , and she can 't dance . It 's interesting that the tour was originally just for Rosamond . She speaks as though she 's been to this castle before . Her cousin lives here . She should know it , right ? The tour is proceeding nicely when the fabled bag cat leaps out of nowhere , and some servants appear to deal with the thing , forcing it back into a burlap sack . Interesting . So it wasn 't as made - up as Robin had thought . That nasty creature dealt with , they go to the music room where Rosamond had left her bungalow - banjo - behind the last time she 'd visited . Doranna convinces her to play this instrument , and then the flute - on which Rosamond plays the song she 'd composed about Doranna going missing . They don 't seem to want to talk about it , but apparently it has something to do with Doranna turning down a suitor who was no true quince . Who knows what that means . Rosamond 's method of playing an instrument is interesting , as she always holds it a few moments before she begins to play . This is because it 's her gift . She has never learned how to play any instrument , but has always magically known how to play any instrument she picks up . Quite frustrating for someone who enjoys learning . Doranna begs Rosamond to play more , but she declines . When Robin glances at the grandfather clock , they 've been listening for over an hour , and they hadn 't even realized it ! This is another facet of Rosamond 's gifts , though I can 't say which one at the moment . Also , grandfather clock . One of the things my Grandma pointed out when she edited the book for me was the fact that the technology and other details aren 't exactly consistent . This is on purpose . Bookania draws from many fairy tales , from many eras . It 's predominately medieval , and they don 't have forks , but if I want to throw in a grandfather clock , that 's my prerogative . I have King Arthur learning archery at Robin Hood 's camp for crying out loud . If that isn 't mixing eras , I don 't know what is . The next room I deemed worth mentioning is the aviary , where we discover the nature of one of Doranna 's gifts - the ability to literally sing like a bird . Robert asks if she 's actually talking to them and she just laughs . The reason ? I hadn 't decided yet if she could actually understand them or not . In fact , I was honestly leaning towards not . At the time , my plan had been for her to become Snow White 's mother ( and thus die , wasn 't looking forward to that , honest ! ) and Snow White was going to get the same gifts as her mother , but exaggerated even further . And now we introduce Doranna 's fiance , Casperl , who 's on the run from a persistent fencing instructor . In the first draft , he 'd merely walked into the library . The whole sneaking business was my mom 's fault , but it 's funny . And it made for an adorable bit a dialogue between them . I regret that I haven 't had very many Doranna / Casperl scenes . That shall have to be rectified . That dismantled line is one of my favorites , though . 3 . Did you catch the penguin ? ( I ask this because I have a friend who grew up in England , and she thought it was a puffin . ) I am , first a foremost , a Christian . I accepted Jesus into my heart when I was three and a half , and have never regretted the decision . I am secondly the eldest daughter ( and child for that matter ) of a homeschooling family . Third , I am the author of The Bookania Quests , The Ankulen , and The Rizkaland Legends . Fourth , I am a knitter / crocheter / aspiring herbalist . I think that sums me up . And , here we are , at the end of Indie e - Con . Well , except for the prizes tomorrow . Stay tuned for that . I 'm currently on the air over at . . . Hello ! I promised you a new site for Indie e - Con - and here it is . Just click this image I 'm still working on the main website . . . Hello ! I 'm popping in with a fun game . I 'll start , course , and you guys can keep it going . One point per comment , and you can c . . . Hello , and I 'm here today to share the WINNING entry for this year 's Indie e - Con Writing Contest ! WHOOO ! ! ! This story was written by . . . A report I wrote at the age of 15 . The Bible has a lot to say about the trustworthy person . He is the kind of person who leaves other pe . . .
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Until about an hour ago , we had terrible weather . The wind was howling across the chimney here in the back sitting room and there was sideways rain . In celebration of the break in the weather , here are some evening shots of my garden . Corkscrew Hazel - corylus avenella contorta . This beauty comes into its own at this time of year with the lovely catkins dangling off it like a geisha 's hair ornament . It can be used for flower arrangements later , but as it is SO slow growing , I am loathe to cut it . I 'm going to try to get a few cuttings to sprout and have more of them . Snowdrops are getting past their best , but still pretty . I have one little dogwood . I 'm going to trim it up this year in the hopes that it becomes " shrubbier " . Again I 'll try to root the cuttings on for more plants . There is nothing more uplifting this time of year than the scarlet red branches of dogwood . No frogs or frog spawn in the pond yet , but it won 't be long now . You may know that our youngest boy , George is away this week on a school sponsored ski trip . The thing is , this school ski trip is to the Italian Alps ! Here are a few shots of the highlights so far . The children who are going on this trip , and so many kids signed up that there are two coach loads of them , will have a record of their trip via a website . The website has been broken down into different pages , starting with the outward journey . These photos have been pinched from the school site so that I can show you . Parents and family waving the skiers off ! Bye Mum ! Bye Dad ! George on the coach somewhere near the Dover / Calais crossing . On the Autoroute towards Chamonix and the Mont Blanc Tunnel . Peage ( toll ) Mont Blanc ! Mont Blanc tunnel - French side When you get out the other side , you are miraculously in Italy ! The snow doesn 't look much different . The hotel that the kids are staying in for the week . George and his pals getting the ski equipment on for the first time . The first ski lesson . . . . Now George is full of confidence ! Posted by I wandered lonely as a CloudThat floats on high o ' er Vales and Hills , When all at once I saw a crowd , A host of golden daffodils ; Beside the lake , beneath the trees , Fluttering and dancing in the breeze . Continuous as the stars that shineAnd twinkle on the milky way , They stretched in never - ending lineAlong the margin of a bay : Ten thousand saw I at a glance , Tossing their heads in sprightly dance . The waves beside them danced , but theyOut - did the sparkling waves in glee : - A poet could not but be gayIn such a jocund company : I gazed - and gazed - but little thoughtWhat wealth the show to me had brought : For oft when on my couch I lieIn vacant or in pensive mood , They flash upon that inward eyeWhich is the bliss of solitude , And then my heart with pleasure fills , And dances with the DaffodilsWritten by William Wordsworth after an inspirational walk with his friend in April 1802 . The poem wasn 't published until 1807 and the above is a revised version that was published in 1815 . Today as I walked through the Lake District , there were green daffodil spikes everywhere . I suppose in April , they 'll be at their peak . I often think of this poem when I go for a walk in Cumbria 's Lake District . It was beautiful today . There wasn 't a breath of wind so the lakes were like mirrors . One of a pair of Mute Swans . It was difficult for me to take lots of photos . Polly has never been more bouncy . She is shattered now . She slept all the way back north . While we were walking it was a job to get her to be still long enough for the camera to focus . I must say that I didn 't complain too much when she was pulling on her lead . I had a sort of Staffie assisted ascent up this hill . Going down the rocky paths later , she had to behave herself and not pull . Here are some of the other Staffordshire Bull Terriers that were on the walk today . ALL the dogs had a great time . Don 't they all have beautiful faces ? This young girl was Polly 's pal today on the walk . Sadly , I 've forgotten her name . Her owners were darling too . This is Ben . We met Ben last year and he has lost a lPosted by Well , that 's the boy away for an entire week . As I type this , the coach filled with students from Lockerbie Academy will be rolling onto the ferry at Dover . They 'll travel all night through France and get to the Mont Blanc Tunnel . Once through that , he 's in Italy where he will be enjoying an entire week of skiing in Italy 's Aosta Valley . We had a big morning of packing him a huge bag of food . They 're going to be on this coach for about 21 hours . I made certain that all of his clothing choices were appropriate to the occasion , clean and pressed . He has his spending money , deck of cards and a surprise gift of travel Battleship ! ( I put a book in his bag too , just in case he gets bored . I live in hope . ) You can see from the photo that Henry has his " match day " shirt on . Right after we waved George off on his merry way , we pointed the car east towards Sunderland and The Stadium of Light . George wasn 't going to be around to use his season ticket for today 's game , so I went instead . The game today was against Derby ( pronounced DARbee ) County . The final score was Sunderland 2 - Derby County 1 ! ! ! We won ! ! ! ! ! Sunderland scored the winning point in the last minute of injury time . Talk about jubilation ! ! I haven 't been to a home game since before Henry 's mother passed away and I had a great time ! I wish I had brought the camera into the stadium so you could see how full it was . 36 , 000 fans were there today . The Man of the Place and I will have an entire child free week together . Aside from occasional sleep - overs that George has been on , we have never spend a chunk of time in our own home without children . We will be getting a week long window into what life is going to be like for us in five years . We stopped by a supermarket on our way home from the game . It was liberating to know that we could buy just about anything . Nobody to accuse of trying to poison them with mushrooms or spinach . We also had to remember to scale down the amounts we bought . Its just for the two of us . Tomorrow I 'm off with Polly the Wonderdog to The Lake DPosted by Most of you know all about Microsoft 's Instant Message programme , MSN . Both MSN and AOL 's Instant Message have really helped me and my mom . Through no fault of her own , my mother is profoundly deaf . She wasn 't always that way , she started losing her hearing at about the age of 26 . She 's going off for a cochlear implant at the end of next week . Please go to her blog to read all about it . In the meantime , in these days before the thing is inserted into her head and before they tune it in , we use e - mail and instant messages to communicate . It could very well be that we communicate more now than we ever have . It happens that when I get home from work , Ma is in her office in Washington D . C . and has just booted up the computer in her office . As she is at work , she often has to drop out and go " earn a crust " . I feel bad sometimes for interrupting her working day , but when else can I catch her on line ? She is often very busy and not at home during the weekends . With a slight nod to Tink and her daily Hoop conversations , here is the transcript of today 's conversation : Peggy says : Hi Ma , TGIF ! What 's the mood in the office today ? M . E . says : hahah . . . . the mood in the office ? sinking fast . . . . Peggy says : George is leaving tomorrow morning for ItalyPeggy says : lucky gitM . E . says : buncha folks out sick . it is colder than hell this morning . the wind sucks the breath right out of you . ihad to go back home and put on my longies and fleece hoodie after i got to dupont circle today . M . E . says : wow ! i forgot about that . just in the nick of time ! it 's what . . . 55 degrees down there now ? thought i saw t ' other day . Peggy says : It is pretty mild here todayPeggy says : no rain eitherPeggy says : How are you feeling ? Less than a week to go ! ! BTW what luck that you can get your shot from student healthM . E . says : well , wish him buono viaggio for mePeggy says : will do - we have to pack him up tonightM . E . says : hope he has a swell time . \ Peggy says : He 'll be fine . I don 't envy him the journey . They 're going by coach to the Alps . Driving across France will take alPosted by It is a bit more serious than telling the sheep that their bills are over due or that there is no after - life . If an untrained dog or dogs get into a field of sheep , they 'll chase them down which is bad enough this time of year when the ewes are so heavy in lamb . The dogs can also bite and occasionally kill the sheep . This happened yesterday morning in the field down the road . In fact , it was a field that we walked past on Sunday during our wonderful walk . I heard woodpeckers . How could something so horrible and violent happen less than 48 hours later ? A large black dog that looked like an over - sized rough coated border collie was seen by the gamekeeper . The dog had a sheep down and was gnawing away at it . The gamekeeper didn 't have his gun with him or he would have shot the dog there and then . Farmers and gamekeepers are allowed to kill any dog that is found worrying sheep . The horrible thing was that the sheep was not dead . The dog was chewing away at its hind leg and hadn 't killed the sheep . My friend Innes , whose sheep it was showed me the poor thing later in the day when I was dropping his son Gordon off after school . It 's bones were exposed . One of her tendons had been snapped and it could no longer use that rear hoof . Innes was just waiting for somebody to come over with a gun so they could put the poor beast out of it 's misery . This is Innes at a sheep show . This particular sheep won Reserve Champion . Let 's hope it wasn 't this sheep ! Naturally , it wasn 't an ordinary sheep , it was one that he used to show . The ewe was pregnant with two good lambs inside her . They 've been lost too . We don 't know whose dog it is , but Innes is sure that when discovered and confronted , the owner will deny their dog 's involvement . Woo hoo ! Mardi Gras , Shrove Tuesday , Pancake Day ! Time to celebrate Fat Tuesday . Eat up all the good stuff before tomorrow because tomorrow is Ash Wednesday and the beginning of the Lenten fast . If you 're really lucky , you 'll be in Rio de Janero for the big party . I 'll not be in Brazil but I will be in SW Scotland where we will be having some wonderful crepes . I like them with lemon , butter and sugar . I made apple crepes one year and topped them off with calvados . I don 't know what we 'll be going for tonight , but we 'll be having some good stuff here . Perhaps we 'll have potato pancakes . It 's not traditional Shrove Tuesday food , but we 've certainly got loads of potatoes around here . I will post tomorrow about Lent and what that 's going to mean for me this year . We had a real gift of a day . I celebrated by taking the dog and two thirteen year old boys on my favourite dog walk . It was a bit muddier than I 'd like , but gorgeous just the same . It was sunny , and wind - free . My good old purple fleece was a bit too much for me by the end of the walk . I noticed that there were many more deer tracks in the mud than the last time I was up there . In the shady spots , the puddles had a thin layer of ice on them . The boys discovered that if you lifted the ice carefully , you had a great flat sheet of what looks like glass . Punching , kicking and head butting this ice kept them amused for as long as there was puddle ice to harvest . Polly ran herself silly . She is now sound asleep . It 's funny how energetic dogs are much less obnoxious after you 've taken them on a nice long walk . I know that winter isn 't over yet . We can still get a big dump of snow at any time between now and the middle of March . Even so , today felt like spring is on its way . We were out of potatoes here at the house , so I went along to my old farmer friend Jackie . He and his brother - in - law Winston sell potatoes and fresh eggs . I bought a HUGE 25 kilo ( approx . 55 lbs ) sack of potatoes for £ 5 . I fear that I have purchased too many . I 'll have to share them out with my neighbours or they 'll sprout arms before I can use them all . I must say that they make the whitest and fluffiest mashed potatoes . Jackie and Winston raise a few hill cattle as well as a crop of potatoes and sell their spuds to local chip shops . While I was there getting my potatoes , I decided that I 'd get some eggs as well . My chickens aren 't laying yet and I may cull them and get better layers . I was invited to stay for a cup of tea . Jackie had been baking and there were some really lovely fairy cakes ( cupcakes ) and an apple pie to go with tea . What a lovely way to shop ! If anybody runs out of potatoes in the next week or so , please stop by . I 've got loads ! Well , he 's my old man . This is The Man of the Place , 18 metres down under the Red Sea last week , grooving on a jelly fish floating by . The photo was taken by his dive buddy that day , Andy Martin . Henry is looking very chilled out and happy to be in the sea . I 'm glad to have him home and glad he had a good week diving . Well , even a bad week diving is so much better than a good week at work . When I look at the photo and I see my dive computer strapped to his wrist , envy does creep in a bit . If anybody can identify what kind of jelly fish that is , we 'd be grateful . My field guides and books of groovy things of the Red Sea don 't list that particular jelly . On Tuesday when I came home from work , there was a large - ish bird in the cherry tree in the front garden . It didn 't recognise it right off as the sun was in my eyes . When it flew over to our big cedar tree , I realized that it was a sparrowhawk . Oooh ! Note : This is where the sparrowhawk WAS - Don 't look for him in this photo . He 's gone . Later I saw that it was back in the cherry tree and then hopping all over the top of the hedge in the front garden with a couple of little song birds freaking out below him . I guess the bird feeders in the small clearing that is our front garden and all the tall trees near by makes for a perfect feeding ground for a hungry sparrowhawk . I feel bad for lovers of today . E - mail and phone text has all but killed the love letter . Years ago , I seemed to have a talent for having a boyfriend that didn 't live where I lived . First , they were out of state and THEN my last boyfriend , who later became my husband lived in another country . This would mean that in addition to having large phone bills , from time to time I would get a nice letter . A love letter . I adored them . Still do . I have all the letters that my husband ever wrote to me from the time we met until we were married . They 're wrapped up , in date order and tied with a ribbon from my wedding bouquet . There is nothing like the giddy thrill of discovering an envelope with your lover 's handwriting on it in the pile of post . You could probably print off the e - mails from your boyfriend or girlfriend and make an archive that way , but it 's not the same . I say write more letters and send them by post . It 's thrilling . Happy Valentine 's Day to you all ! Did you know that the North American Great Horned Owls are nesting right now ? Those poor fluffy little owl chicks . Man - they 're hardy birds ! The Great Horned Owl has the best owl hoot in the entire world . There was one near my house in Iowa City that came by from time to time to hoot near my bedroom window . I don 't know if anything is actually nesting over here in the UK , but there seems to be a lot of interest in the nest boxes . The next step is catching them hauling nesting material . As there are thousands of sheep all around the place , birds are not short of nesting material . There is always some wool to be had on the fences . Sometimes , I think if I was industrious enough , I could harvest wool off the fences while walking the dog . Sadly we will never know if I could knit a garment from wool gathered in this manner . I 'm never going to get further than thinking about it . Even with all the free wool about , the birds still manage to pinch great chunks off my hanging basket liners . When I find a nest outside the three nest boxes , there is always lots of fibres from my hanging baskets and natural moss in it . We have loads of different varieties of moss around here , covering the forest floors . George is up at the farm tonight because I have to be out of here at about 5 a . m . to collect The Man of the Place from the Glasgow Airport . I know that George would probably be just fine on his own here at the house , but I feel much better knowing that somebody has taken charge of him . He 's going to help them to scan sheep tomorrow morning . Scanning sheep is a recent ( within the past 10 years or so ) practice . Somebody with a mobile veterinary scanning unit comes along and gives all the ewes that are expecting an ultrasound examination . Then they can mark the ewes according to what they are carrying . As most ewes carry two lambs , they aren 't marked at all . Ewes carrying a single lamb will be marked with a blue dot . Ewes carrying three lambs will be marked with a red dot . The ones that aren 't pregnant will be sent to a separate fiPosted by There has been no noticeable activity in the nest box on the north side of the house that I 've signed up to Nest Box Challenge . There has been some activity in one of the nest boxes on the south or front side of the house . Another couple of Blue Tits checking out the accommodation . This nest box has the same 25mm sized hole as the north nest box . We also have a nest box on the south side of the house with a slot instead of a hole . There was a family of Great Tits in that one last year . I 'd really love to get a nest cam . Maybe someday . With the homemade bird feed that I wrote about the other day , I have mushed a bunch of it directly onto the tree trunks . My thinking is that the nuthatches and woodpeckers will get a feed . They 're really not bird feeder type birds . I 've been hearing the woodpeckers out on the trees in the mornings again . Lets see if this fat and nuts on the trunks of trees will lure them in . I 've also moved the bird table back to where it was last year when we got our visiting red squirrel . I hope it tempts him back . We 've had almost a whole week of no rain ! ! There seems to be a bit of snow down south in England this morning . We had one of those clear crisp winter nights last night where the mercury drops further than it has all year . It seemed that all the stars were out last night . George saw a shooting star . I missed it because I was driving . I took a recipe from Birdchick , a very groovy gal in Minnesota and modified it for UK purposes ( made it metric ) and concocted my own sort - of - suet - balls . 1 jar of cheap ( cheep - snort ! ) peanut butter 450g - I used crunchy this time1 block of lard 500gmelted these two ingredients in my big soup potThen addedcornmeal - 500 gporridge oats - " some " approximately 300 gflour - 300 gYou can also add in some berries or meal worms , whole peanuts , seeds whatever strikes your fancy . Stir it all together . It smells like you 're making peanut butter cookies and the temptation to taste a bit is fierce . I resisted , thinking of my cholesterol levels . Lard won 't help the situation . I spooned it into some plastic containers that were waiting for recycling and popped them in the fridge to re - solidify . I also took a great ladle full out to the bird feeder . An hour later , the chaffinches were giving it the first few pecks . I 've made this specifically for the woodpeckers in the neighbourhood . I 'm going to press some of this crumbly stuff onto the trees . The blocks of this stuff will go in the suet cage . I bought the ingredients for much less than it costs me to buy suet cakes . If the birds like it . I 'll do it more often . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I 'm fishing for some sympathy here . I have big feet . I always have had them . I knew early on that I could never be Cinderella . That glass slipper wasn 't ever going to fit on my foot even if I tried cutting off a toe or two . My feet are US size 10 , UK size 8 and European size 42 . Big fellas . You 'd think I 'd be taller than I am with feet of this size . When I was a barefoot child , I was famous for stubbing my toes . I think I have always had a bit of trouble navigating them or judging the distance I need to have in front of me to prevent the stubbing of toes . I thought I had grown out of that stage and finally developed a bit of grace . Nope . Not me . This evening , I had to dash out to return some DVDs to Blockbuster . I stepped out of my slippers and was going to pop my feet into my work shoes when I stubbed my toes . Posted by The Man of the Place is off enjoying his birthday present . You may remember that his birthday was on the 6th of January . My present to him this year was a voucher for three days diving in Sharm El Sheikh , Egypt . It was credit for three days of diving that were unused at the end of our diving extravaganza in July . After the New Year and through to the middle of February , holiday companies practically GIVE package holidays away . Encouraged by his voucher for diving , Henry managed to get himself quite a sweet little deal on line . He got a week 's accommodation and flights for under £ 150 . One of the perks of having all the years logged on as an employee of the local council , is that my husband enjoys a number extra days paid annual leave . He can be away this week and still have plenty of annual leave for our family 's summer holiday plus time off at Christmas . So with the bargain basement package and his voucher for three days of diving in the Red Sea , he was dropped off at the Glasgow airport yesterday afternoon . He is going to extend the three days into five days of diving ( weather permitting ) . Until now we had the exact same number of logged dives each in our log books . Now , he 'll be way ahead of me . On top of that , the Red Sea is a dream diving destination . The number and variety of fish is amazing . We can 't all go diving right now for two reasons 1 ) we can 't afford it and 2 ) George has school . This is his birthday present . I know how much he will enjoy this . He can also fill up on falafel to his heart 's content because there will be nobody to complain about the accompanying flatulence . So , its me and George and the dog for the next week . We are camera - free too . The Man of the Place has taken our camera and it 's underwater housing so that he can come back with envy inducing underwater photographs . I 'm not into diving on wrecks as the boys are , I prefer to look at the pretty fish . Here are some of my photos from the Red Sea in July . Giant MorayRegal Angel FishRed Sea Banner Fish Taking my cue from Birdchick , I 've signed one of the Whitelees bird nest boxes for National Nest Box Week . The timing couldn 't have been more fortuitous . I noticed that there were two Blue Tits popping in and out of the nest box just out the north window of our bedroom . Then , on Bird Chick 's blog , Border Birds she had an entry about signing garden nest boxes in to a national survey . So , I 'm game ! I 'll keep you guys updated too . Is it a bit early for nest building ? Maybe they 're just shopping for a new house . Posted by
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Until about an hour ago , we had terrible weather . The wind was howling across the chimney here in the back sitting room and there was sideways rain . In celebration of the break in the weather , here are some evening shots of my garden . Corkscrew Hazel - corylus avenella contorta . This beauty comes into its own at this time of year with the lovely catkins dangling off it like a geisha 's hair ornament . It can be used for flower arrangements later , but as it is SO slow growing , I am loathe to cut it . I 'm going to try to get a few cuttings to sprout and have more of them . Snowdrops are getting past their best , but still pretty . I have one little dogwood . I 'm going to trim it up this year in the hopes that it becomes " shrubbier " . Again I 'll try to root the cuttings on for more plants . There is nothing more uplifting this time of year than the scarlet red branches of dogwood . No frogs or frog spawn in the pond yet , but it won 't be long now . You may know that our youngest boy , George is away this week on a school sponsored ski trip . The thing is , this school ski trip is to the Italian Alps ! Here are a few shots of the highlights so far . The children who are going on this trip , and so many kids signed up that there are two coach loads of them , will have a record of their trip via a website . The website has been broken down into different pages , starting with the outward journey . These photos have been pinched from the school site so that I can show you . Parents and family waving the skiers off ! Bye Mum ! Bye Dad ! George on the coach somewhere near the Dover / Calais crossing . On the Autoroute towards Chamonix and the Mont Blanc Tunnel . Peage ( toll ) Mont Blanc ! Mont Blanc tunnel - French side When you get out the other side , you are miraculously in Italy ! The snow doesn 't look much different . The hotel that the kids are staying in for the week . George and his pals getting the ski equipment on for the first time . The first ski lesson . . . . Now George is full of confidence ! Posted by I wandered lonely as a CloudThat floats on high o ' er Vales and Hills , When all at once I saw a crowd , A host of golden daffodils ; Beside the lake , beneath the trees , Fluttering and dancing in the breeze . Continuous as the stars that shineAnd twinkle on the milky way , They stretched in never - ending lineAlong the margin of a bay : Ten thousand saw I at a glance , Tossing their heads in sprightly dance . The waves beside them danced , but theyOut - did the sparkling waves in glee : - A poet could not but be gayIn such a jocund company : I gazed - and gazed - but little thoughtWhat wealth the show to me had brought : For oft when on my couch I lieIn vacant or in pensive mood , They flash upon that inward eyeWhich is the bliss of solitude , And then my heart with pleasure fills , And dances with the DaffodilsWritten by William Wordsworth after an inspirational walk with his friend in April 1802 . The poem wasn 't published until 1807 and the above is a revised version that was published in 1815 . Today as I walked through the Lake District , there were green daffodil spikes everywhere . I suppose in April , they 'll be at their peak . I often think of this poem when I go for a walk in Cumbria 's Lake District . It was beautiful today . There wasn 't a breath of wind so the lakes were like mirrors . One of a pair of Mute Swans . It was difficult for me to take lots of photos . Polly has never been more bouncy . She is shattered now . She slept all the way back north . While we were walking it was a job to get her to be still long enough for the camera to focus . I must say that I didn 't complain too much when she was pulling on her lead . I had a sort of Staffie assisted ascent up this hill . Going down the rocky paths later , she had to behave herself and not pull . Here are some of the other Staffordshire Bull Terriers that were on the walk today . ALL the dogs had a great time . Don 't they all have beautiful faces ? This young girl was Polly 's pal today on the walk . Sadly , I 've forgotten her name . Her owners were darling too . This is Ben . We met Ben last year and he has lost a lPosted by Well , that 's the boy away for an entire week . As I type this , the coach filled with students from Lockerbie Academy will be rolling onto the ferry at Dover . They 'll travel all night through France and get to the Mont Blanc Tunnel . Once through that , he 's in Italy where he will be enjoying an entire week of skiing in Italy 's Aosta Valley . We had a big morning of packing him a huge bag of food . They 're going to be on this coach for about 21 hours . I made certain that all of his clothing choices were appropriate to the occasion , clean and pressed . He has his spending money , deck of cards and a surprise gift of travel Battleship ! ( I put a book in his bag too , just in case he gets bored . I live in hope . ) You can see from the photo that Henry has his " match day " shirt on . Right after we waved George off on his merry way , we pointed the car east towards Sunderland and The Stadium of Light . George wasn 't going to be around to use his season ticket for today 's game , so I went instead . The game today was against Derby ( pronounced DARbee ) County . The final score was Sunderland 2 - Derby County 1 ! ! ! We won ! ! ! ! ! Sunderland scored the winning point in the last minute of injury time . Talk about jubilation ! ! I haven 't been to a home game since before Henry 's mother passed away and I had a great time ! I wish I had brought the camera into the stadium so you could see how full it was . 36 , 000 fans were there today . The Man of the Place and I will have an entire child free week together . Aside from occasional sleep - overs that George has been on , we have never spend a chunk of time in our own home without children . We will be getting a week long window into what life is going to be like for us in five years . We stopped by a supermarket on our way home from the game . It was liberating to know that we could buy just about anything . Nobody to accuse of trying to poison them with mushrooms or spinach . We also had to remember to scale down the amounts we bought . Its just for the two of us . Tomorrow I 'm off with Polly the Wonderdog to The Lake DPosted by Most of you know all about Microsoft 's Instant Message programme , MSN . Both MSN and AOL 's Instant Message have really helped me and my mom . Through no fault of her own , my mother is profoundly deaf . She wasn 't always that way , she started losing her hearing at about the age of 26 . She 's going off for a cochlear implant at the end of next week . Please go to her blog to read all about it . In the meantime , in these days before the thing is inserted into her head and before they tune it in , we use e - mail and instant messages to communicate . It could very well be that we communicate more now than we ever have . It happens that when I get home from work , Ma is in her office in Washington D . C . and has just booted up the computer in her office . As she is at work , she often has to drop out and go " earn a crust " . I feel bad sometimes for interrupting her working day , but when else can I catch her on line ? She is often very busy and not at home during the weekends . With a slight nod to Tink and her daily Hoop conversations , here is the transcript of today 's conversation : Peggy says : Hi Ma , TGIF ! What 's the mood in the office today ? M . E . says : hahah . . . . the mood in the office ? sinking fast . . . . Peggy says : George is leaving tomorrow morning for ItalyPeggy says : lucky gitM . E . says : buncha folks out sick . it is colder than hell this morning . the wind sucks the breath right out of you . ihad to go back home and put on my longies and fleece hoodie after i got to dupont circle today . M . E . says : wow ! i forgot about that . just in the nick of time ! it 's what . . . 55 degrees down there now ? thought i saw t ' other day . Peggy says : It is pretty mild here todayPeggy says : no rain eitherPeggy says : How are you feeling ? Less than a week to go ! ! BTW what luck that you can get your shot from student healthM . E . says : well , wish him buono viaggio for mePeggy says : will do - we have to pack him up tonightM . E . says : hope he has a swell time . \ Peggy says : He 'll be fine . I don 't envy him the journey . They 're going by coach to the Alps . Driving across France will take alPosted by It is a bit more serious than telling the sheep that their bills are over due or that there is no after - life . If an untrained dog or dogs get into a field of sheep , they 'll chase them down which is bad enough this time of year when the ewes are so heavy in lamb . The dogs can also bite and occasionally kill the sheep . This happened yesterday morning in the field down the road . In fact , it was a field that we walked past on Sunday during our wonderful walk . I heard woodpeckers . How could something so horrible and violent happen less than 48 hours later ? A large black dog that looked like an over - sized rough coated border collie was seen by the gamekeeper . The dog had a sheep down and was gnawing away at it . The gamekeeper didn 't have his gun with him or he would have shot the dog there and then . Farmers and gamekeepers are allowed to kill any dog that is found worrying sheep . The horrible thing was that the sheep was not dead . The dog was chewing away at its hind leg and hadn 't killed the sheep . My friend Innes , whose sheep it was showed me the poor thing later in the day when I was dropping his son Gordon off after school . It 's bones were exposed . One of her tendons had been snapped and it could no longer use that rear hoof . Innes was just waiting for somebody to come over with a gun so they could put the poor beast out of it 's misery . This is Innes at a sheep show . This particular sheep won Reserve Champion . Let 's hope it wasn 't this sheep ! Naturally , it wasn 't an ordinary sheep , it was one that he used to show . The ewe was pregnant with two good lambs inside her . They 've been lost too . We don 't know whose dog it is , but Innes is sure that when discovered and confronted , the owner will deny their dog 's involvement . Woo hoo ! Mardi Gras , Shrove Tuesday , Pancake Day ! Time to celebrate Fat Tuesday . Eat up all the good stuff before tomorrow because tomorrow is Ash Wednesday and the beginning of the Lenten fast . If you 're really lucky , you 'll be in Rio de Janero for the big party . I 'll not be in Brazil but I will be in SW Scotland where we will be having some wonderful crepes . I like them with lemon , butter and sugar . I made apple crepes one year and topped them off with calvados . I don 't know what we 'll be going for tonight , but we 'll be having some good stuff here . Perhaps we 'll have potato pancakes . It 's not traditional Shrove Tuesday food , but we 've certainly got loads of potatoes around here . I will post tomorrow about Lent and what that 's going to mean for me this year . We had a real gift of a day . I celebrated by taking the dog and two thirteen year old boys on my favourite dog walk . It was a bit muddier than I 'd like , but gorgeous just the same . It was sunny , and wind - free . My good old purple fleece was a bit too much for me by the end of the walk . I noticed that there were many more deer tracks in the mud than the last time I was up there . In the shady spots , the puddles had a thin layer of ice on them . The boys discovered that if you lifted the ice carefully , you had a great flat sheet of what looks like glass . Punching , kicking and head butting this ice kept them amused for as long as there was puddle ice to harvest . Polly ran herself silly . She is now sound asleep . It 's funny how energetic dogs are much less obnoxious after you 've taken them on a nice long walk . I know that winter isn 't over yet . We can still get a big dump of snow at any time between now and the middle of March . Even so , today felt like spring is on its way . We were out of potatoes here at the house , so I went along to my old farmer friend Jackie . He and his brother - in - law Winston sell potatoes and fresh eggs . I bought a HUGE 25 kilo ( approx . 55 lbs ) sack of potatoes for £ 5 . I fear that I have purchased too many . I 'll have to share them out with my neighbours or they 'll sprout arms before I can use them all . I must say that they make the whitest and fluffiest mashed potatoes . Jackie and Winston raise a few hill cattle as well as a crop of potatoes and sell their spuds to local chip shops . While I was there getting my potatoes , I decided that I 'd get some eggs as well . My chickens aren 't laying yet and I may cull them and get better layers . I was invited to stay for a cup of tea . Jackie had been baking and there were some really lovely fairy cakes ( cupcakes ) and an apple pie to go with tea . What a lovely way to shop ! If anybody runs out of potatoes in the next week or so , please stop by . I 've got loads ! Well , he 's my old man . This is The Man of the Place , 18 metres down under the Red Sea last week , grooving on a jelly fish floating by . The photo was taken by his dive buddy that day , Andy Martin . Henry is looking very chilled out and happy to be in the sea . I 'm glad to have him home and glad he had a good week diving . Well , even a bad week diving is so much better than a good week at work . When I look at the photo and I see my dive computer strapped to his wrist , envy does creep in a bit . If anybody can identify what kind of jelly fish that is , we 'd be grateful . My field guides and books of groovy things of the Red Sea don 't list that particular jelly . On Tuesday when I came home from work , there was a large - ish bird in the cherry tree in the front garden . It didn 't recognise it right off as the sun was in my eyes . When it flew over to our big cedar tree , I realized that it was a sparrowhawk . Oooh ! Note : This is where the sparrowhawk WAS - Don 't look for him in this photo . He 's gone . Later I saw that it was back in the cherry tree and then hopping all over the top of the hedge in the front garden with a couple of little song birds freaking out below him . I guess the bird feeders in the small clearing that is our front garden and all the tall trees near by makes for a perfect feeding ground for a hungry sparrowhawk . I feel bad for lovers of today . E - mail and phone text has all but killed the love letter . Years ago , I seemed to have a talent for having a boyfriend that didn 't live where I lived . First , they were out of state and THEN my last boyfriend , who later became my husband lived in another country . This would mean that in addition to having large phone bills , from time to time I would get a nice letter . A love letter . I adored them . Still do . I have all the letters that my husband ever wrote to me from the time we met until we were married . They 're wrapped up , in date order and tied with a ribbon from my wedding bouquet . There is nothing like the giddy thrill of discovering an envelope with your lover 's handwriting on it in the pile of post . You could probably print off the e - mails from your boyfriend or girlfriend and make an archive that way , but it 's not the same . I say write more letters and send them by post . It 's thrilling . Happy Valentine 's Day to you all ! Did you know that the North American Great Horned Owls are nesting right now ? Those poor fluffy little owl chicks . Man - they 're hardy birds ! The Great Horned Owl has the best owl hoot in the entire world . There was one near my house in Iowa City that came by from time to time to hoot near my bedroom window . I don 't know if anything is actually nesting over here in the UK , but there seems to be a lot of interest in the nest boxes . The next step is catching them hauling nesting material . As there are thousands of sheep all around the place , birds are not short of nesting material . There is always some wool to be had on the fences . Sometimes , I think if I was industrious enough , I could harvest wool off the fences while walking the dog . Sadly we will never know if I could knit a garment from wool gathered in this manner . I 'm never going to get further than thinking about it . Even with all the free wool about , the birds still manage to pinch great chunks off my hanging basket liners . When I find a nest outside the three nest boxes , there is always lots of fibres from my hanging baskets and natural moss in it . We have loads of different varieties of moss around here , covering the forest floors . George is up at the farm tonight because I have to be out of here at about 5 a . m . to collect The Man of the Place from the Glasgow Airport . I know that George would probably be just fine on his own here at the house , but I feel much better knowing that somebody has taken charge of him . He 's going to help them to scan sheep tomorrow morning . Scanning sheep is a recent ( within the past 10 years or so ) practice . Somebody with a mobile veterinary scanning unit comes along and gives all the ewes that are expecting an ultrasound examination . Then they can mark the ewes according to what they are carrying . As most ewes carry two lambs , they aren 't marked at all . Ewes carrying a single lamb will be marked with a blue dot . Ewes carrying three lambs will be marked with a red dot . The ones that aren 't pregnant will be sent to a separate fiPosted by There has been no noticeable activity in the nest box on the north side of the house that I 've signed up to Nest Box Challenge . There has been some activity in one of the nest boxes on the south or front side of the house . Another couple of Blue Tits checking out the accommodation . This nest box has the same 25mm sized hole as the north nest box . We also have a nest box on the south side of the house with a slot instead of a hole . There was a family of Great Tits in that one last year . I 'd really love to get a nest cam . Maybe someday . With the homemade bird feed that I wrote about the other day , I have mushed a bunch of it directly onto the tree trunks . My thinking is that the nuthatches and woodpeckers will get a feed . They 're really not bird feeder type birds . I 've been hearing the woodpeckers out on the trees in the mornings again . Lets see if this fat and nuts on the trunks of trees will lure them in . I 've also moved the bird table back to where it was last year when we got our visiting red squirrel . I hope it tempts him back . We 've had almost a whole week of no rain ! ! There seems to be a bit of snow down south in England this morning . We had one of those clear crisp winter nights last night where the mercury drops further than it has all year . It seemed that all the stars were out last night . George saw a shooting star . I missed it because I was driving . I took a recipe from Birdchick , a very groovy gal in Minnesota and modified it for UK purposes ( made it metric ) and concocted my own sort - of - suet - balls . 1 jar of cheap ( cheep - snort ! ) peanut butter 450g - I used crunchy this time1 block of lard 500gmelted these two ingredients in my big soup potThen addedcornmeal - 500 gporridge oats - " some " approximately 300 gflour - 300 gYou can also add in some berries or meal worms , whole peanuts , seeds whatever strikes your fancy . Stir it all together . It smells like you 're making peanut butter cookies and the temptation to taste a bit is fierce . I resisted , thinking of my cholesterol levels . Lard won 't help the situation . I spooned it into some plastic containers that were waiting for recycling and popped them in the fridge to re - solidify . I also took a great ladle full out to the bird feeder . An hour later , the chaffinches were giving it the first few pecks . I 've made this specifically for the woodpeckers in the neighbourhood . I 'm going to press some of this crumbly stuff onto the trees . The blocks of this stuff will go in the suet cage . I bought the ingredients for much less than it costs me to buy suet cakes . If the birds like it . I 'll do it more often . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I 'm fishing for some sympathy here . I have big feet . I always have had them . I knew early on that I could never be Cinderella . That glass slipper wasn 't ever going to fit on my foot even if I tried cutting off a toe or two . My feet are US size 10 , UK size 8 and European size 42 . Big fellas . You 'd think I 'd be taller than I am with feet of this size . When I was a barefoot child , I was famous for stubbing my toes . I think I have always had a bit of trouble navigating them or judging the distance I need to have in front of me to prevent the stubbing of toes . I thought I had grown out of that stage and finally developed a bit of grace . Nope . Not me . This evening , I had to dash out to return some DVDs to Blockbuster . I stepped out of my slippers and was going to pop my feet into my work shoes when I stubbed my toes . Posted by The Man of the Place is off enjoying his birthday present . You may remember that his birthday was on the 6th of January . My present to him this year was a voucher for three days diving in Sharm El Sheikh , Egypt . It was credit for three days of diving that were unused at the end of our diving extravaganza in July . After the New Year and through to the middle of February , holiday companies practically GIVE package holidays away . Encouraged by his voucher for diving , Henry managed to get himself quite a sweet little deal on line . He got a week 's accommodation and flights for under £ 150 . One of the perks of having all the years logged on as an employee of the local council , is that my husband enjoys a number extra days paid annual leave . He can be away this week and still have plenty of annual leave for our family 's summer holiday plus time off at Christmas . So with the bargain basement package and his voucher for three days of diving in the Red Sea , he was dropped off at the Glasgow airport yesterday afternoon . He is going to extend the three days into five days of diving ( weather permitting ) . Until now we had the exact same number of logged dives each in our log books . Now , he 'll be way ahead of me . On top of that , the Red Sea is a dream diving destination . The number and variety of fish is amazing . We can 't all go diving right now for two reasons 1 ) we can 't afford it and 2 ) George has school . This is his birthday present . I know how much he will enjoy this . He can also fill up on falafel to his heart 's content because there will be nobody to complain about the accompanying flatulence . So , its me and George and the dog for the next week . We are camera - free too . The Man of the Place has taken our camera and it 's underwater housing so that he can come back with envy inducing underwater photographs . I 'm not into diving on wrecks as the boys are , I prefer to look at the pretty fish . Here are some of my photos from the Red Sea in July . Giant MorayRegal Angel FishRed Sea Banner Fish Taking my cue from Birdchick , I 've signed one of the Whitelees bird nest boxes for National Nest Box Week . The timing couldn 't have been more fortuitous . I noticed that there were two Blue Tits popping in and out of the nest box just out the north window of our bedroom . Then , on Bird Chick 's blog , Border Birds she had an entry about signing garden nest boxes in to a national survey . So , I 'm game ! I 'll keep you guys updated too . Is it a bit early for nest building ? Maybe they 're just shopping for a new house . Posted by
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Hawks and Doves by dorothyheffernan Is competing just for the sake of competing a unique human characteristic ? As a species , we love competition . Sometimes the prize is something tangible and we can see its importance to our survival as an individual : watching brothers and sisters using sophisticated " dirty tricks " to win the largest portion of dessert can be very entertaining to watch . On the other hand , there are times when winning doesn 't guarantee our own survival , but it may contribute towards the survival of our genes . Human courtship is a clear example of this kind of competition , and we can spend hours people watching in nightclubs , spotting who 's wearing the most eyecatching outfit or doing the most outrageous dance ! Much of the time , though , our competitions don 't obviously feature prizes that help us survive either as individuals or as a species . Rosettes and trophies that we win in a range of equestrian competitions are examples of these : they are very important to us , and some may go to extreme lengths to earn them , but the reasons we compete in this way are complex and even after tens of thousands of years of human speculation , we still don 't have a complete understanding why we 're driven to act this way . When we 're asked to explain the human desire to compete , we often refer to other species . We can see quite clearly that many species compete fiercely , and so it makes sense to us that we should have this drive too . We see lionesses bringing down prey and then being driven off their prize by hungry lions . We see stags engaging in spectacular fights over access to does . In hot countries , water sources are often the scene for competition over access to fresh , clean water both between members of the same species as well as between different species . In domesticated animals like our own horses , we can see subtle competition between animals over access to friends . In humans , we can watch something very similar in school playgrounds ! Humans are unusual in the animal kingdom , though . We enlist other species in our own competitions , and winning is subject to them behaving in very specific ways . Over millennia , our keen hunter 's eye has allowed us to spot behaviour characteristic of many species that we can use to satisfy our own competitive urges - so we 've watched horses in their natural state and seen them showing off to rivals , running from predators and migrating over many miles to find food and water . Quick to spot the sporting potential in situations , we devise human entertainments that involve our horse running faster than other horses , our horse jumping higher than other horses , our horse having greater stamina than other horses , or our horse being able to perform better display behaviours than other horses . We set about training them to perform these behaviours on command , but not content with that , we start to attribute the emotions we would feel in that situation to the horse . We say " he loves to race " , " she loves to jump " , " he wants to show off " … Yet freed from our motivation and our constraints , the horse somehow fails to perform these actions of their own accord . Rather boringly , they just walk off to their companions and start grazing , ignoring the arena , the jumps and the carefully manicured gallops . Do our horses understand competition ? Do they feel satisfaction when they win a rosette , or win a race ? Do they feel less satisfaction if they come third , or fail to complete the course ? For humans , winning is about that occasional feeling of elation that comes with the knowledge that we have reached a certain standard . We look out like hawks for the signs that we have won - the applause of a crowd , the score on a dressage test , the photo that shows our horse was first past the post . For our horses , the feedback is more likely to be relief and release . They know that we slacken off slightly after each jump , and completely at the end of a round . They know that at a certain point , the jockey stops driving them . The pressure on the poll , mouth and sides of a dressage horse is increased to ask for a behaviour then slackened fractionally when they perform as told , and they are allowed to resume a relaxed posture at the end of a test . Horses in human competitions are working to regain freedom , not to achieve supremacy . They learn quickly that there are things they can do to get to the release point faster . If we let them , they will speed up towards jumps , because they know the release is on the other side . They will speed up past other horses in the race , because their jockey will drive less when they are in front . We have chosen to compete using a species whose primary aim is to cooperate . They were domesticated in the first place because of their cooperative nature , and they allow us to sublimate our urge to win because , instead of competing with us , they follow our direction . Horses love to run , but there is no reward for being in front . In running from predators , horses bunch together because a lone horse is an easier target . A horse will jump an obstacle they can 't go around when they 're making an escape or to get to something they want - but leave a horse in a ring with 10 jumps , and even the most motivated won 't jump more than one . Horses will elevate their paces and move like dancers for very brief periods when showing off to rivals , but they don 't sustain the postures for more than a few seconds at a time , and they certainly don 't do it when there 's no rival or potential mate there - otherwise , how would they know their showing off has been successful ? The posts in this blog use aspects of anthropomorphism to highlight similarities between horse and human behaviour , with the aim of showing a different way to think about why horses behave the way they do . I wouldn 't dream of saying that horses aren 't competitive , but I would argue that they are very unlikely to understand the competitions we construct around them . What they 're doing with us is co - operating , not competing . As a species , affiliative interactions are the glue that keep them together , and keeping together is what keeps them safe and provides the opportunity to reproduce . There 's a name for a relationship between two different species where both benefit - it 's called mutualism . There 's also a name for a relationship between two species where one benefits and the other doesn 't - it 's called parasitism . A funny example of mutualism exists inside the horse : horses need bacteria to help digest the food they eat . The bacteria need the forage that the horse eats but can 't process on its own … Both organisms benefit . When we compete with our horses , we benefit . We choose to compete because there is a personal reward . We don 't always win , but there is always the chance that we might . But is the horse - human relationship mutualism , or is it parasitism ? From the horse 's point of view , there is a clear cost to cooperating with us . In many cases they lose the chance to reproduce , they miss out on social interactions with companions they choose themselves and they lose the ability to choose where to live and what to eat . Our rationale - if we offer one - tends to be that our competition horses live a life of pampered luxury . We make sure they don 't have to walk more than two steps across their deep bedded stable to get access to the highest quality feed , we remove them from the risk of injury during rough play or sexual rivalry , we shelter them from inclement weather … In fact , we consistently remove almost every single aspect of our horses ' lives where they might , in natural situations , compete with other horses ! Can we have it both ways ? It 's hard to believe our own explanation that a horse loves to compete , when we 're so careful to make sure that they never experience any competition in their lives in case it affects their health or causes injury ! If we accept that horses have no understanding of our goals in competing , that doesn 't mean that the natural cooperation they offer us can 't be rewarded and rewarding . There are many things we can do to make the relationship mutualism and not parasitism … and I 'd be very interested to hear people 's ideas on what these might be ! I 've moved house a few times in my life now . I 've moved away from the family home where I grew up - and I had to pack up my home and decide what part of my " life " I was going to take with me . I 've also moved into temporary accommodation ( a student flat ) that was shared with complete strangers . With each move , I 've learned new things about myself . One of the first things I learned is that the things we choose to move along with ourselves have functions . Some things are necessities of life : we move pots , kettles , clothes . They 're things we 're going to need regardless of where we 're living , and they will work equally well no matter where we go . Other things we take because when we see them ( or feel them , or sniff them ) they evoke nice memories of the place we used to live . They give us a feeling of comfort and security . Another category of things we bring are things we want other people to see . We put them on display in our new homes , because they say something about us . In my first ever house move , I moved from the family home where I 'd grown up . I was the only one left there . Both parents had died and it was a rented house , although we 'd lived there for 20 years . It was the only home I remembered , and my dad had ( with a very small amount of help from me ) created the garden from scratch . So I dug up my favourite rose bush - one called " Peace " that had a beautiful flower the colour of ripe peaches - and I transplanted it into the " garden " of the house I 'd bought myself . The scent of the rose when it bloomed reminded me of gardening with my dad , and although people told me you couldn 't transplant a mature rose bush , it grew perfectly in my new home . When we move horses to a new place , in some ways it 's similar to a house move for us . They find themselves in a new place , disconnected from the smells , sights , familiar pathways and safe places of their previous " home " . But home for a horse is a " home range " , not a cosy flat or house , and in that way , they are different from humans . Horses are not usually territorial : their home range would naturally overlaps with the home range of other groups of horses , so finding a pile of dung is interesting rather than threatening . When we move , we are as curious about our new neighbours as they are about us , and we 'll often seek them out in a safe place to get to know them . A casual " hello " when putting out the bins , or a chat over the fence while gardening are all safe ways of meeting . A different situation for both us and our horses are when we 're thrown into the " home " of an established group , or when we and a group of strangers are thrown together . My student flat was a bit like this ! Six complete strangers , a range of nationalities and cultures , and a small flat with shared bathrooms , living area and kitchen created a challenging test of our social skills . Here , we had to compete for shared resources , and we all edged carefully around each other , testing who used the bathroom at what time , and how much of " our " stuff we could safely put in the shared fridge . When moving horses to a new place where other horses already live , it 's safest to find a neutral zone for meeting . Because the resident horses will have their own photographs on the mantel , and their own food in the fridge , as well as their own sheets on the beds and clothes in the wardrobes ( metaphorically , of course ! ) . The new horses will want to incorporate their own scents , make their own new paths and find the best grazing , resting and drinking spots . You can experiment with different ways of helping both groups get to know each other … but beware of the " shared resources " . People often find that horses will meet and quickly settle down with new horses on the other side of a fence , but when they 're put together things can become strained . Thinking of it like the student flat , it 's not all that surprising . I would get on fine meeting and living next to new people in the next door house - but it 's quite different if they moved in with me and started to eat my milk and eggs ! Even though a field may look quite large to us , it 's still a lot smaller than the home range a group of horses would share with other groups , so we need to work to minimise friction due to horses feeling crowded . Horses enjoy exploration - but they generally do it from a secure base . They explore incrementally , knowing that they can return along paths they know if they feel out of their depth . When we move them , we take away the landmarks and mental maps . Helping our horses build new ones can help reduce the stress of the move . It might be worth thinking about bringing along " treasured possessions " , just like my rosebush ! Think about things you can bring that evoke feelings of safety and security in your horse . If they have to leave a close friend , borrow something that smells of the friend along : a nice sweaty saddlecloth , or an old rug , and hang it somewhere your horse will rest in the new place . Think about creating a rolling pit , using soil and dust collected from favourite rolling spots in your horse 's previous home . You can also help your horse create positive associations with the new home by creating treasure hunts , and exploring with them . Short walks where carrots or some sweet feed are discovered will help them learn that the new place is a good place to live . You can help them learn where the good water supply is , where the shady resting spots are , find good lookouts . Ideally , if you can manage to move your horse along with a companion from their previous home , the " social stress " of the move is reduced , and explorations of the new place can take place in pairs , making both horses feel more confident about their new home . IF the new home includes a stable , make that stable smell and look like home before your horse arrives . Bring some dirty bedding from the old place . In the student flat , one of the first things I did was make the bed with my bedlinen . Once the room looked and smelled familiar , it felt less strange . Sleep is very important in helping horses ( and people ) deal with change , yet it 's one of the things that 's often disrupted in a new place . Even if you have familiar bed linen , the noises during the night are different , there are different scents , new neighbours may have different sleep / wake cycles . Stabled horses have no choice but to learn to deal with this , but bringing some used bedding from the previous home may help deal with this a little better . Finally , a great way to both learn about your new environment and settle into it at the same time is to do things you already enjoy doing , but in the new place . So if you love Sunday brunch , you find a nice place near your new home , buy yourself the Sunday papers , and head off to spend a relaxing morning . On the way , you learn where the papershop is , you meet some new people , and you get to taste some new food . If your horse has well learned activities they enjoy ( this would especially apply to horses who have a range of well learned and positively reinforced skills - touching and following targets , for example ) , doing these things in the new home is another way of learning that it 's a good place to be . These are just a few ideas about ways of helping our horses find moving home less stressful . I would love to hear about other ideas people have , or about things you 've done that have worked for your horses . If you post your ideas as a reply here , other people who read will be able to benefit from them ! It 's taken me back to an amazing time in the history of psychology : the years during the early 1960s when it suddenly became clear that some physical illnesses were related to our emotional responses to things that happened to us . To say it now isn 't all that surprising , but back then , the brain and the body were considered separate . Illnesses of the body were caused by outside agents - germs , poor hygiene , wars , bad lifestyles . Problems with the mind weren 't considered illnesses at all : there was no such concept as mental health or mental illness . Part of the change happened because two researchers , Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe , asked 5 , 000 people with physical illnesses what had happened in their lives in the previous year . As a result of what the people told them , Holmes and Rahe worked out that the more things that happen that disrupt your life , the more likely you are to become ill . They went on to test this by asking healthy people to keep records of what happened to them over a period of time . The people who had the most things happen to them ( Holmes and Rahe called the things " life events " ) were the people most likely to become ill . Although there was a range of illnesses , many people who had experienced lots of life changes suffered from heart disease , asthma , skin allergies and ulcers . They also tended to get more coughs , colds , flu - and there was a slower healing time for minor injuries . As a result of the research , something called the Social Readustment Rating Scale was developed . Different life events were given different scores : bereavements and marriage breakdown tended to have the highest weighting . Loss of job and retirement were also rated as being very challenging , as was moving house . What these things had in common was that they generally put the person in a very stressful situation , where they didn 't have access to their normal social support . The most important thing about the scale was that while a person could probably deal with one or even two quite difficult situations , if lots of smaller scale things were heaped on top of this their health would start to suffer . I think we should think about our horses ' lives in a similar way . We do often realise they 're under some stress , but once it 's all done and dealt with from our point of view , we forget it . But horses , like us , are very sensitive to social stress , and like many of the people studied by Holmes and Rahe , they have very little control over what happens to them . So in a given year , how many life events has your horse experienced ? One ? Two ? A few minor ones ? Here are things I think are horse life events : please add to my list ! Moving home , leaving all familiar companions behind . That 's a huge one ! Bereavement - death of a companion - that 's bad , but in many ways for the horse , it 's not that much different from being moved to a different home - in both cases , they lose their friends . Box rest - there 's another big one - familiar friends are there but they have no access to them - just like being sent to jail , which is the fourth most serious life event on the Holmes and Rahe human life events scale . Taking this into account , a competition horse can experience many life events in the course of a few months . So the high incidence of ulcers , colic are to be expected in many performance horses , because each event , each change is added on to the total score . In two or three months , we 've forgotten that our horse has changed yards , changed turnout , lost close friends , had to fit in with a new group , been taken to lots of shows , changed diet … We 've forgotten , but our horse 's body hasn 't . Here 's one example of what can happen : elevated stress levels lead to the release of a substance called histamine . Histamine is a broncho - constrictor , it narrows the passages in the lungs making it more difficult to breathe . It also increases gastric acid production , and it increases our skin 's response to irritants . In horses , you may see coughs , breathing problems , hives , gastric ulcers . A substance called cortisol is present in higher than usual levels in our bodies during times of stress : it keeps our bodies functioning in adverse situations . However when the stress levels drop , and cortisol levels start to return to normal , it leaves an after effect of low immunity , so we 're more likely to catch colds , and small injuries take longer to heal . This is just like the horse that started me off thinking about this : tiny injuries on the leg that just wouldn 't heal and are getting worse instead of better despite time and treatment . Because it 's our ( and our horses ' ) emotional response to things that happen , and because the things that have most effect tend to involve having to deal with changed social situations , we should try to take this into account when working with them . If your horse has to move , can you make it so that they move with a companion , a horse they already know ? When they get to a new place , can they meet just one or two sociable horses in a situation where there 's no pressure in terms of scarce resources ( plenty of space , plenty of food ) . If they 're being trained in something new , can you arrange so they have a familiar companion with them ? At shows , can they have familiar company ? If on box rest , can you arrange a stable where they have as much familiar social contact as possible ? It 's sometimes not possible to remove all the damaging stress from a domesticated horse 's life , but by keeping a mental tally of the changes they 've had to deal with over the last year , we can help them stay fit and healthy . Alexander Selkirk was a Scottish sailor who spent more than four years alone on an island off the coast of Argentina in the early years of the 18th century . He was the real life inspiration for Robinson Crusoe . He wasn 't shipwrecked - he chose to leave his ship and shipmates because he felt the ship was unsafe . I wonder did this make any difference to how he felt during the four years he spent alone on the island ? Writers tend to say that humans love solitude and seek it out , but hate loneliness and work hard to avoid it . Solitude means wanting the space to think or work but knowing that if we need someone to laugh with us , cry with us or listen to us , they can found . Being lonely is when we find ourselves in a situation where there 's nothing you can do to find any of these human comforts . Selkirk was eventually rescued , and the captain of the ship who found him wrote " at his first coming on board us , he had forgot his language for want of use , that we could scarce understand him " . During the four years he spent alone , we probably wouldn 't have noticed anything unusual about Selkirk . He built a shelter , hunted for food , read his bible , tanned hides and made clothes for himself . He even talked to himself and sang . All the while , he suffered internally from his isolation to the extent that he felt like harming himself . He even found things that we would consider funny or distracting absolutely terrifying : for a long time he couldn 't bring himself to go near a beach where there were " roaring monsters " . They turned out to be sea lions . You don 't have to be on a deserted island to be alone . Over the last few decades , we 've become more aware that there are people in the middle of our society suffering from social isolation and loneliness . There 's even research evidence that shows that being alone is as bad for the health of older people as being a heavy smoker . Being alone - for a social animal like a human - makes us more likely to become ill , and makes us more likely to die of any illness we contract . All the while , the lonely person is going about their daily life , cooking for themselves , going to the shops , watching the TV , going to bed . If we could see inside their homes , they wouldn 't look distressed or afraid , angry or in pain . Loneliness creeps up on you slowly , until you can 't work out how to fix it and it 's starting to damage your health and happiness . As part of our management of horses , we often choose to keep a single horse . If anybody suggests that horses are social animals who need companions , we protest that our horse is quite content . Look ! He 's eating , he 's lying down , he 's not running around or calling out in distress ! Like us , horses have a wide range of different individual traits and preferences , and like humans , you will occasionally find a horse who likes some solitude . I 've seen one - a mare in a feral herd who spent a lot of time alone , just out of sight and hearing of the group . The stallion was young , it was his first group of mares , and he was having enough worry keeping the other two mares and their foals together . The maverick mare probably just didn 't gel with him , and was confident enough to stray a little so that she could bump into another stallion if one happened past . At the first hint of danger , she and her foal would run back to the group - she was choosing to spend time alone rather than being made to do so . Even allowing for individual differences , horses don 't choose to isolate themselves completely from other horses - they just want to choose which horses they spend time with . They 're not leaving the group to be alone , they 're leaving the group because they want different company . Some horses are poorly socialised - we 've separated them from their dam and their social group before they 've learned how to interact with other horses as an adult . Some horses - like Alexander Selkirk - have lived alone for so long that they 've almost forgotten how to speak to other horses . In both cases , the horse doesn 't want to be alone . What they want is enough space and time to learn how to be part of the group without causing either themselves or the group any harm . The brain of a social animal is carefully set up to try to minimise the chances that we end up on our own . A researcher called Naomi Eisenberger was looking at how our brains react to rejection and social isolation . She happened to be working alongside another researcher who was looking at how the brain responds to the pain of Irritable Bowel Syndrome . They glanced at each other 's results and realised how many similarities there were . The same parts of the brain were lit up regardless of whether the pain had an obvious physical cause or not . This led to a new understanding : when we say our feelings have been hurt , we really do experience pain . This research was extended to look at the pain of separation from family with exactly the same results . When a baby , a puppy or a foal is separated from their mother and they cry , the emotions are exactly as distressing as if they 'd actually injured themselves . It 's nature 's way of ensuring that we don 't get separated from our group too easily . There are all kinds of reasons why we might choose to keep a horse alone . We sometimes , for convenience , provide them with the company of a sheep or a goat : Alexander Selkirk had a few feral cats as pets , Robinson Crusoe had his parrot Poll . It was perfectly clear that this substitute didn 't in any way make up for the lack of human companionship and in the same way , goats and sheep aren 't the same as other horses . Horses can be very protective of their " pets " - and in the same way , Alexander Selkirk would no doubt have been very angry if anybody had tried to take his cats . Give him the choice between the cats and the possibility of a human companion though and he 'd most likely hand you every single cat . We can understand Selkirk and how he felt . We can put ourselves in his position and realise what it would be like to be alone , day after day after endless day . We can understand the sadness of isolated older people in the middle of busy towns and cities . It 's time we applied a little of that empathy to the situation of horses kept alone . If we want to ensure our horses have healthy , long and happy lives , and if we care about the emotions they experience when away from other horses , we need to start organising a rescue mission to get them off that deserted island . My friend tells me that there is a local tradition where you nail a used horseshoe to your door in order to keep yourself and your family safe . The story goes that when witches try to cast a spell on you , the horseshoe on the door means that they must retrace all the steps the horse took wearing the shoe before dawn comes , and only after they 've done this can they cast their spells . The more steps the horse took when wearing the shoe , the safer you will be . The horseshoe in the photo was made by my friend 's Uncle Jimmy . Although it 's a lovely piece of work , apparently it 's not a lucky horseshoe as it 's never been worn by a horse ! There are all kinds of interesting superstitions in different cultures . In Ireland where I come from , the horseshoe is fixed with the open end facing upwards so that the luck doesn 't run out . In other parts of Europe , it 's considered lucky to nail it to the door with the open side facing down , presumably so that the luck can get out and benefit you . As well as superstitions passed down in families , we also have personal superstitions . The golfer Tiger Woods is known to wear red on Sundays , believing that this will help his game . The tennis player Serena Williams bounces the ball five times before a first serve and twice before a second serve . What leads us to believe that these little rituals gets us something we want , or avoid something we don 't want ? Human brains are set up to spot short cuts , so that we don 't have to think everything out in full every time we meet a new situation . Superstitions are a funny side effect of one of these shortcuts : the one where we make quick associations between what we just did and what happened next . They give us the feeling that we can control a situation , so Tiger Woods feels a bit more confident that by wearing red he is doing something that makes him more likely to win . In his case , this might be partly true : feeling more confident is , in itself , something that will improve his game . It could be a problem if he can 't find a clean red shirt on the day though - a game spoiled because of something that didn 't really matter . All animals are scientists by nature . We observe what happens around us , we form hypotheses about what 's going on and then we test them to see if we 're right . If the evidence suggests we are , we incorporate this into our library of mental shortcuts . There 's a problem if we 're wrong , as the Tiger Woods example demonstrates . Most of us can laugh at superstitions , having walked safely under lots of ladders and found that we were lucky even when we didn 't touch wood or cross our fingers . We try quite hard to have correct mental shortcuts , but we need to strike a balance . We work out ( unconsciously ) the cost of being wrong and thinking that doing something that takes a bit of effort gets us a benefit when in fact it does nothing at all . And then we work out what we lose if we don 't do the magic thing , but later find out we could have been better off if we had . Doctors are familiar with juggling these odds . It costs a lot of money to test the whole population for an illness , but you will pick up every single case of something you can treat . This is amazing , if you 're dealing with a killer disease . It 's less impressive if you spend lots of money screening to find every single case of tennis elbow in the population when many cases haven 't been causing any problems at all . Horses work exactly the same cost - benefit analysis all the time . Although we think we 're in control of delivering the food to the horse , it often escapes our attention that the horse is building a mental model of the world to explain how to obtain the food . They 're not just passively waiting for us to hand over the bucket . All of us , horses ( and Tigers ) included , like to feel that we have some control over our environment . The problem for domesticated horses is that in most cases , their theories are wrong . The food arrives when we humans bring it and little that the horse does has any effect . This doesn 't stop them coming up with and testing theories . " Superstitious behaviours " are ones that horses ( and humans ) do intending to produce an effect , when they really have no effect at all . A horse who has been in a stable all night and who really wants to go out may in frustration paw or kick the door . If it just so happens that the door then opens and they 're led out , they immediately enter this into their mental shortcut library for further testing , and the testing will involve doing more pawing and kicking . Although they weren 't right at the beginning ( the human just happened to come along at the usual time ) , over time the horse will gather more and more evidence that they 're right because their banging and kicking is so annoying to the human that they may indeed get let out as a result . Similarly , a horse may be tied up for grooming or being tacked up at a time when she would rather move around . In horses ( and humans ) , being unable to do something we want often leads to impatient and frustrated movements . Humans tap their feet , drum their fingers and look at their watch . Horses paw . At first , the pawing won 't happen until the horse has been tied up for a while , so it 's more likely that shortly after they paw or scrape with their hoof , the human will finish the grooming and tacking up and lead them off . Again , the horse adds this shortcut to their mental library to test : " Pawing leads to getting to move " , so they test it sooner next time . Quite quickly , the horse will believe that pawing is what leads to being released , and they will paw constantly when tied up . The only way to fix superstitions is to prove that they don 't work , just as a scientist would test and then reject a idea that was false . That sounds easy , doesn 't it ? You just ignore the pawing or door kicking horse and eventually , they 'll stop . Up to a point , this is true . What you need to remember , though , is that you haven 't removed the reason the horse was pawing or kicking in the first place , so they 're still motivated to find something that appears to get them what they want . If you 're waiting for a bus that 's late and you have been tapping your foot , or pacing up and down at the bus stop , after a few minutes you become aware of glares and disapproval from the other people waiting . It 's making their wait more unpleasant . You stop , but you still have that unpleasant gut feeling of frustration and impatience , so you may try to cope in some other way . Animals often engage in bouts of slightly frantic looking self grooming - humans nibble nails , twiddle or flick hair or brush invisible crumbs off their clothes ! Horses will sometimes bite at themselves as if they 're itchy , rub their noses on their legs , or shake their forelocks into and out of their eyes . All of this means you 're in danger of them fixing on another superstitious behaviour in order to give back the feeling that they 're in control . Instead , the best approach is to remove the reason for the impatience or anxiety . Rather than feeling that they would prefer to be doing something else , and that being stuck ( in the stable , tied up in the yard , at the cross ties ) is something they have to fix , make them think that what they 're doing just now is the best of many possible options . If the bus is late , I can pace up and down and feel impatient or I can immerse myself in my book and then feel disappointed when the bus arrives before I can finish the chapter ! To deal with superstitions in ourselves and horses , we need to work out what we think they 're getting us ( or our horse ) and then find a nice reward for sticking with the situation we 're in . Our horse will learn that standing with all four feet on the ground is not only the best way to get the human to finish up the grooming and let them move around again , but also that standing there with all four feet on the ground means they get lots of positive attention , fuss and rewards . They don 't know how long you 're going to leave them there - they have no more insight into the workings of your brain than I do into the FirstBus Glasgow timetable - but at least you 're making the wait a pleasant one . We all have things we want , places we would like to be , goals we would like to achieve . We also recognise that getting what we want often involves working with other people . Many of us realise that people are more likely to work with us when they too get something out of it , especially when they enjoy the experience . A good few years ago , I got my first university job and started trying to find my feet in a large academic environment . Fortunately , there was a group of similar aged researchers , postgrads and lecturers who would congregate in each other 's offices for morning coffee , and who used to go out together after work from time to time . Joining them seemed a good way to fit in . I kept bumping into one person in particular , because she and I seemed to have very similar work hours . We would find ourselves waiting for the kettle to boil in the kitchen at about the same time every morning , and we were often part of the larger group heading to the pub after work or going clubbing together at weekends . Although I am confident when it comes to standing up and delivering a lecture to 400 students , I 'm quite shy in small social groups . I find it difficult to break into conversations and when groups are larger or noisy , I 'm often very quiet . As if to make up for this , my colleague was bubbly , chatty and outgoing . During our coffee breaks , she chatted a lot and I learned quite a bit about her life , her romances and her family . There was also a benefit for me - in work social situations if I was with her , I didn 't have to struggle to be heard . I could just smile and nod and fade quietly into the background . She was sharp and witty and enjoyed banter and slightly malicious gossip about workmates . Things change , workplaces change and people change . After I 'd settled in , I got to know a different group of people . They 're people who are still my valued friends even though I don 't see all of them very often now . They were colleagues , fellow postgrads , even my students who themselves became postgrads and then staff . When I met up with them , I realised that I was really enjoying myself . They were good listeners and we exchanged information about our lives . Gossip was lighthearted rather than mean , and we did fun , silly things together and laughed a lot . One of these new friends turned out to share my love of horses . She and I found a local riding stables and we both began riding again after a long break . At the same time , I found myself more and more in demand with the first person I 'd met , but now I was more aware that it felt a bit uncomfortable . She 'd seek me out , but when we chatted there wasn 't much fun or laughing , it was more about her problems and people she disliked . She wanted me to listen to her but she didn 't want to listen to me in return . I noticed how negative and spiteful she could be . She hadn 't changed , but I 'd become more aware that I had a social alternative that was more rewarding and more positive . So I started to avoid her . At first , it wasn 't done consciously . I just made my coffee earlier , or spent more time in the library . I changed my in - office hours . Despite this , one day she caught me in the corridor . I felt cornered and I couldn 't wait to get away . I realised what I 'd been doing ; I felt guilty and rather shallow ( the confessional power of the blog ! ) . Despite this , I was more determined to avoid her , because I came away from each encounter feeling miserable and a bit drained . Time 's moved on . We both moved to new jobs and I haven 't seen her for a decade . Despite the time passing , I know I 'd still walk in the other direction if I saw her coming although she never did anything bad to me . She spent time with me , she often bought me small gifts and her presence made my first weeks and months in a new job easier . We never fell out or argued , yet I still have a deep down urge to avoid her . What on earth does this have to do with horses ? Well , I read last week about someone who had a pony who had become more and more difficult to catch . They pointed out that they had always been lovely to the pony , they 'd never hit it , never neglected it , fed it occasional tasty treats and yet when they walked into the field , the pony would walk ( and run ) in the other direction as if repelled from them by some kind of magnetic force . There 's a force at work in humans and other animals that 's almost like magnetism . With some individuals , we are pulled towards them , we 're attracted to them . With others , we 're pinged away like trying to bring two similarly charged magnets together . Have you ever done the school experiment where you used a magnet to magnetise a paperclip ? To begin with , there 's nothing magnetic about the paperclip , but once magnetised , it starts to attract other paperclips … The things ( and people , and horses ) we are attracted to can pass that charge on to other things . The things we do with people we like are things we come to enjoy in their own right : I enjoy snowboarding mainly because how I feel about the friends who were with me when I was learning , but even when they 're not there any more , I still love the sport . The magnetic charge is the emotion that 's automatically triggered by people , events and situations . Back to horses again . The human trying to catch the pony had built up a magnetic charge that meant the pony took evasive action whenever he saw them coming . Maybe the human was the original source of the problem , or maybe the problem was with something else ( stable , riders , tack , previous owners ) but had become associated with that particular human : the process can go both ways . Whichever it was , it probably wasn 't something that was going to be overcome by the human offering random small presents any more than that helped with overcoming how I felt about my work colleague . You can change a negative emotional response , but you need repeated positive associations during a period when you make sure no negative associations are triggered . This process is called counter conditioning , and I 'll write more about it in a future post . As well as negative associations , ponies and horses form positive associations with us . Where they find something attractive ( a tasty feed ) , they can also start to find the things associated with the tasty feed pleasant and attractive in their own right . So ponies come to have pleasant associations with , for example , stables , people who feed them and even the sounds of familiar cars . Like the magnetised paperclips , these things hold their positive emotional charge even when the original magnet isn 't around : if your pony runs over when they see you even when you don 't have feed , it 's because they really are pleased to see you . The lovely horse in the photo at the top of this post is Tor . Tor lives out on a Spanish mountain with a small band of mares and has pretty much no contact with humans for 11 months of the year . Despite this , when his owner and I appeared he came straight over . He was happy for me to ride him bareback and in a headcollar for several miles up a steep rocky mountainside to help round up another group of horses and bring them to his owner 's farm . Tor finds people pleasant and interesting . Even though he 'd never met me , the strong positive association he had with his owner rubbed off on me , and he was happy to spend time with me even when she wasn 't there . In turn , I made sure I did my best to keep biting flies off him , to scratch his itchy bits and to leave him grazing in a nice pasture . This " magnetism " isn 't magic . It 's a part of the science of learning called Classical Conditioning . Many people know this because they 've heard of Ivan Pavlov , and his dogs who would start drooling when they heard a bell that signalled the arrival of food . It 's what causes us to experience positive or negative emotions in specific situations , even when we can 't remember what originally triggered the feeling . Classical conditioning is something we can harness when training our horses . A horse who feels positive about you wants to be with you because of how that makes them feel . There 's a reserve of tolerance and acceptance , and a strong " positive charge " can help when dealing with situations they don 't like . Classical conditioning can be a powerful took , although we never have complete control over it . We 're part of a world that 's full of overlapping " magnetic fields " that we can 't see . At different times of the year with our horses we 're in competition with the attraction of green grass or playful buddies , or with the repellent effect of swarms of flies or muddy gateways . Because of this , we can 't take it for granted . When you next stand at the gate of your field , think for a moment about the magnetic forces that are at work . How strongly is your horse or pony attracted to you ? Are there times when they can 't seem to come or when they have to leave ? What have you done recently that 's strengthened or weakened your pull ? Are you relying on a charge you built up but that 's now leaking away ? There 's a last word on human relationships too . If you feel uncomfortable , unhappy or vaguely ill at ease with someone and what they say and do , there 's probably a very good reason for it . An encounter with a true friend will leave both of you feeling recharged , so seek them out , treasure them , and may the force be with you , your good friends and your horses ! Well , it seems to be starting to be spring time around here . There are lambs leaping around in the field outside my window , a lot of very noisy starlings are using my hay to build nests in my barn , and I am sure I saw a bee fly past yesterday … So I thought I 'd write about the birds and the bees . It 's another example of an area where we can learn about horse behaviour by looking at human behaviour , but possibly not in the way you might think ! One of my former university colleagues , now retired , was a lovely man who studied Developmental Psychology . He was married to another psychologist , and their first child , a boy , was born as the late 70s turned into the early 80s , a time when right - on psychologists spent a lot of time thinking about gender equality and world peace . He and his wife decided that they didn 't want to impose any expectations about gender or any stereotypes on their little boy , so they went out and bought lots of beautiful educational toys - but no Action Man and no guns . Their little boy played happily with the lovely toys until one day , they found him and a visiting friend playing a very warlike game that involved shooting each other and dying dramatically - using guns they had built out of Lego . We are all born with our bodies and our brains already set to male or female . As children , one of the things we learn very early on is to distinguish between male and female , and most parents have good stories to tell about the awkward questions they 've had to answer about the differences between boys and girls . These awkward questions often extend to other species too , and parents need to be prepared with good answers if they take trips to the countryside in spring ! Even long before puberty , boys and girls act differently . Boys tend to like rough and tumble play , girls tend to like involved games that have a lot of talking and social interaction . Boys like taking things apart , girls like making things . I am first to acknowledge that it isn 't always cut and dried and that there are huge variations between things that different girls like and things that different boys like , but as a general rule , it is clear that boys and girls behave differently and that we can see this from soon after birth . Most people know that hormones have an important role in sex , and they can name at least one or two sex hormones . Testosterone usually the first one mentioned , but oestrogen and progesterone are also fairly familiar ones . There are other hormones that have a very important role in sex , but they 're ones that people don 't tend to think of as sex hormones . These include oxytocin , vasopressin and prolactin . The important thing to know about ( all ) sex hormones is that they aren 't just involved in sex - they 're involved first of all in organising our brains so that they 're either male or female , and then , after puberty , into making our male and female brains activate sexual behaviour . Most of them have other important functions in the body that have nothing to do with sex . So how does this relate to horses ? Well , lots of us own geldings . Many of us think of them as being sexless : mares are female , and stallions are male , but geldings occupy a sort of no - man 's land ! We can be surprised ( and sometimes displeased ) if our gelding does anything to demonstrate their maleness or sexuality . Like humans , horses are identifiably male or female at birth . Besides the external sex organs , a colt foal is born with a brain that has already been " masculinised " by the effects of male sex hormones before and just after birth . So they are born - like human boys - programmed to do all kinds of boy behaviours . Rough and tumble play is one example : fillies prefer games that involve play chasing , especially when they can match their friends stride for stride . Colts like nipping each other , rearing and wrestling . Colts are hardwired to learn about stallion behaviours : they quickly learn how to chase and herd , and they also practice male sex behaviours like play mounting other horses . They 're like pre - adolescent human boys . They understand that colts and fillies are different , and that mares and stallions are different . What they don 't know is why that might be important to them . They 're not sexual beings , but they have clear gender identities . These male behaviours are the result of having a " male brain " . At puberty , the brain triggers the release of sex hormones that cause the body ( and the brain itself ) to mature . This happens very obviously in humans . It happens in horses too : the sex hormones cause the development of secondary sex characteristics : e . g . colts suddenly developing a deeper note to their whinnies . Sex hormones also direct energy into building muscle and bulk rather than height : e . g . stallions develop crested necks and compact muscular bodies . The hormones also cause primary sexual characteristics to develop : in male horses , the penis and testes take on an adult shape and size . Young horses gelded before horsey puberty remain like pre - adolescent boys . They have " boy soprano " whinnies , they grow tall and gangly rather than compact and muscly , they remain more playful and they also remain fairly oblivious to the scent and behaviour of a mare in season . It doesn 't mean they aren 't interested in mares . They know - just like pre - adolescent boys - that mares are an important part of the social group , and they know and understand their own role in a group of horses . So they are more likely to be the watchmen , they are more likely to want to head off newcomers , and they are more likely to try to herd and collect the group . Lots of geldings , mine included , are notorious bottom biters and rug rippers . They drive other horses from behind as a stallion does . They 're also more likely to engage in play with young colts and fillies ( mares are usually too busy for this ! ) . If they 're gelded before horsey puberty , even administering testosterone won 't make them respond to in - season mares , because their brains and bodies have never matured enough . However … and it 's a big however ! Like pre - adolescent boys , they 're still quite interested in their own bodies . And this is where the hormones I mentioned earlier have a role . Many of us have heard of oxytocin . It 's often called " the cuddle hormone " in the popular press , because it seems to be associated with hugs . What 's less well known is that it plays a key role in most male mammals in getting and maintaining an erection , and its release also triggers other hormones that make us feel good . So obviously , it 's involved in sex ! But it 's also released when mothers hold and bond with their new baby , and when we hug or get a nice massage . In fact , it 's there in any situation where we connect in a social , pleasurable but non sexual way with others . The important thing to know is that oxytocin is not manufactured or released by the testes . It 's made in a part of the brain called the hypothalamus . So even geldings continue to have the ability to get and maintain erections , regardless of whether they have testosterone circulating in their bodies . It 's just that it 's not triggered by the scent or behaviour of mares : it 's triggered by pleasant social interactions and relaxing situations . Have you ever noticed your gelding dropping his penis ( and even getting an erection ) during physiotherapy or other bodywork , or while you groom him ? The combination of touch and a social element is what causes this normal behaviour . The penis has lots of small cells that are activated by oxytocin , and in fact the hormone can be used to help treat sexual dysfunction in humans . Young geldings will often drop when snoozing together in groups , but also during social play and when grooming each other . In human males , increased oxytocin levels are associated with social bonding , the development of trust and ( although it 's difficult to measure ) increased empathy - the hormone seems to help us find ways to live together harmoniously in groups . In addition , oxytocin is what allows geldings to masturbate . If you haven 't seen your gelding do this , he 's probably just a bit shy ! It often happens when a horse wakes up after a snooze , especially on lazy sunny days , and again , it 's perfectly normal . We 've made sure geldings aren 't interested in mares by removing the drive to court and mount a mare that comes from testosterone , but that doesn 't mean they 're not interested in feeling good ! The exception to this is late gelded horses - if a horse is gelded after " puberty " , all he 's lacking is testosterone . He can respond to , court and serve a mare if we give him a shot of testosterone ( and even after gelding , testosterone is still produced by the adrenal glands ) . These kinds of geldings often do cover mares , especially during the springtime , but because they have no testes , they have no sperm that can result in foals . So the main message of this week 's blog is that there 's behaviour associated with what sex you are , and then there 's sexual behaviour . A gelding is male , and will behave like a male horse . Depending on when he was gelded , he will show either no interest or little interest in a mare when she 's in season , but the lack of testosterone doesn 't mean that he doesn 't have other sex hormones and other types of sexual behaviour . So lets take an openminded approach to gelding sexuality … and if you 're interested in hearing about mares , mareishness and hormones , click the " follow blog " button at the top of the page , because I am going to discuss it next week .
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Hawks and Doves by dorothyheffernan Is competing just for the sake of competing a unique human characteristic ? As a species , we love competition . Sometimes the prize is something tangible and we can see its importance to our survival as an individual : watching brothers and sisters using sophisticated " dirty tricks " to win the largest portion of dessert can be very entertaining to watch . On the other hand , there are times when winning doesn 't guarantee our own survival , but it may contribute towards the survival of our genes . Human courtship is a clear example of this kind of competition , and we can spend hours people watching in nightclubs , spotting who 's wearing the most eyecatching outfit or doing the most outrageous dance ! Much of the time , though , our competitions don 't obviously feature prizes that help us survive either as individuals or as a species . Rosettes and trophies that we win in a range of equestrian competitions are examples of these : they are very important to us , and some may go to extreme lengths to earn them , but the reasons we compete in this way are complex and even after tens of thousands of years of human speculation , we still don 't have a complete understanding why we 're driven to act this way . When we 're asked to explain the human desire to compete , we often refer to other species . We can see quite clearly that many species compete fiercely , and so it makes sense to us that we should have this drive too . We see lionesses bringing down prey and then being driven off their prize by hungry lions . We see stags engaging in spectacular fights over access to does . In hot countries , water sources are often the scene for competition over access to fresh , clean water both between members of the same species as well as between different species . In domesticated animals like our own horses , we can see subtle competition between animals over access to friends . In humans , we can watch something very similar in school playgrounds ! Humans are unusual in the animal kingdom , though . We enlist other species in our own competitions , and winning is subject to them behaving in very specific ways . Over millennia , our keen hunter 's eye has allowed us to spot behaviour characteristic of many species that we can use to satisfy our own competitive urges - so we 've watched horses in their natural state and seen them showing off to rivals , running from predators and migrating over many miles to find food and water . Quick to spot the sporting potential in situations , we devise human entertainments that involve our horse running faster than other horses , our horse jumping higher than other horses , our horse having greater stamina than other horses , or our horse being able to perform better display behaviours than other horses . We set about training them to perform these behaviours on command , but not content with that , we start to attribute the emotions we would feel in that situation to the horse . We say " he loves to race " , " she loves to jump " , " he wants to show off " … Yet freed from our motivation and our constraints , the horse somehow fails to perform these actions of their own accord . Rather boringly , they just walk off to their companions and start grazing , ignoring the arena , the jumps and the carefully manicured gallops . Do our horses understand competition ? Do they feel satisfaction when they win a rosette , or win a race ? Do they feel less satisfaction if they come third , or fail to complete the course ? For humans , winning is about that occasional feeling of elation that comes with the knowledge that we have reached a certain standard . We look out like hawks for the signs that we have won - the applause of a crowd , the score on a dressage test , the photo that shows our horse was first past the post . For our horses , the feedback is more likely to be relief and release . They know that we slacken off slightly after each jump , and completely at the end of a round . They know that at a certain point , the jockey stops driving them . The pressure on the poll , mouth and sides of a dressage horse is increased to ask for a behaviour then slackened fractionally when they perform as told , and they are allowed to resume a relaxed posture at the end of a test . Horses in human competitions are working to regain freedom , not to achieve supremacy . They learn quickly that there are things they can do to get to the release point faster . If we let them , they will speed up towards jumps , because they know the release is on the other side . They will speed up past other horses in the race , because their jockey will drive less when they are in front . We have chosen to compete using a species whose primary aim is to cooperate . They were domesticated in the first place because of their cooperative nature , and they allow us to sublimate our urge to win because , instead of competing with us , they follow our direction . Horses love to run , but there is no reward for being in front . In running from predators , horses bunch together because a lone horse is an easier target . A horse will jump an obstacle they can 't go around when they 're making an escape or to get to something they want - but leave a horse in a ring with 10 jumps , and even the most motivated won 't jump more than one . Horses will elevate their paces and move like dancers for very brief periods when showing off to rivals , but they don 't sustain the postures for more than a few seconds at a time , and they certainly don 't do it when there 's no rival or potential mate there - otherwise , how would they know their showing off has been successful ? The posts in this blog use aspects of anthropomorphism to highlight similarities between horse and human behaviour , with the aim of showing a different way to think about why horses behave the way they do . I wouldn 't dream of saying that horses aren 't competitive , but I would argue that they are very unlikely to understand the competitions we construct around them . What they 're doing with us is co - operating , not competing . As a species , affiliative interactions are the glue that keep them together , and keeping together is what keeps them safe and provides the opportunity to reproduce . There 's a name for a relationship between two different species where both benefit - it 's called mutualism . There 's also a name for a relationship between two species where one benefits and the other doesn 't - it 's called parasitism . A funny example of mutualism exists inside the horse : horses need bacteria to help digest the food they eat . The bacteria need the forage that the horse eats but can 't process on its own … Both organisms benefit . When we compete with our horses , we benefit . We choose to compete because there is a personal reward . We don 't always win , but there is always the chance that we might . But is the horse - human relationship mutualism , or is it parasitism ? From the horse 's point of view , there is a clear cost to cooperating with us . In many cases they lose the chance to reproduce , they miss out on social interactions with companions they choose themselves and they lose the ability to choose where to live and what to eat . Our rationale - if we offer one - tends to be that our competition horses live a life of pampered luxury . We make sure they don 't have to walk more than two steps across their deep bedded stable to get access to the highest quality feed , we remove them from the risk of injury during rough play or sexual rivalry , we shelter them from inclement weather … In fact , we consistently remove almost every single aspect of our horses ' lives where they might , in natural situations , compete with other horses ! Can we have it both ways ? It 's hard to believe our own explanation that a horse loves to compete , when we 're so careful to make sure that they never experience any competition in their lives in case it affects their health or causes injury ! If we accept that horses have no understanding of our goals in competing , that doesn 't mean that the natural cooperation they offer us can 't be rewarded and rewarding . There are many things we can do to make the relationship mutualism and not parasitism … and I 'd be very interested to hear people 's ideas on what these might be ! I 've moved house a few times in my life now . I 've moved away from the family home where I grew up - and I had to pack up my home and decide what part of my " life " I was going to take with me . I 've also moved into temporary accommodation ( a student flat ) that was shared with complete strangers . With each move , I 've learned new things about myself . One of the first things I learned is that the things we choose to move along with ourselves have functions . Some things are necessities of life : we move pots , kettles , clothes . They 're things we 're going to need regardless of where we 're living , and they will work equally well no matter where we go . Other things we take because when we see them ( or feel them , or sniff them ) they evoke nice memories of the place we used to live . They give us a feeling of comfort and security . Another category of things we bring are things we want other people to see . We put them on display in our new homes , because they say something about us . In my first ever house move , I moved from the family home where I 'd grown up . I was the only one left there . Both parents had died and it was a rented house , although we 'd lived there for 20 years . It was the only home I remembered , and my dad had ( with a very small amount of help from me ) created the garden from scratch . So I dug up my favourite rose bush - one called " Peace " that had a beautiful flower the colour of ripe peaches - and I transplanted it into the " garden " of the house I 'd bought myself . The scent of the rose when it bloomed reminded me of gardening with my dad , and although people told me you couldn 't transplant a mature rose bush , it grew perfectly in my new home . When we move horses to a new place , in some ways it 's similar to a house move for us . They find themselves in a new place , disconnected from the smells , sights , familiar pathways and safe places of their previous " home " . But home for a horse is a " home range " , not a cosy flat or house , and in that way , they are different from humans . Horses are not usually territorial : their home range would naturally overlaps with the home range of other groups of horses , so finding a pile of dung is interesting rather than threatening . When we move , we are as curious about our new neighbours as they are about us , and we 'll often seek them out in a safe place to get to know them . A casual " hello " when putting out the bins , or a chat over the fence while gardening are all safe ways of meeting . A different situation for both us and our horses are when we 're thrown into the " home " of an established group , or when we and a group of strangers are thrown together . My student flat was a bit like this ! Six complete strangers , a range of nationalities and cultures , and a small flat with shared bathrooms , living area and kitchen created a challenging test of our social skills . Here , we had to compete for shared resources , and we all edged carefully around each other , testing who used the bathroom at what time , and how much of " our " stuff we could safely put in the shared fridge . When moving horses to a new place where other horses already live , it 's safest to find a neutral zone for meeting . Because the resident horses will have their own photographs on the mantel , and their own food in the fridge , as well as their own sheets on the beds and clothes in the wardrobes ( metaphorically , of course ! ) . The new horses will want to incorporate their own scents , make their own new paths and find the best grazing , resting and drinking spots . You can experiment with different ways of helping both groups get to know each other … but beware of the " shared resources " . People often find that horses will meet and quickly settle down with new horses on the other side of a fence , but when they 're put together things can become strained . Thinking of it like the student flat , it 's not all that surprising . I would get on fine meeting and living next to new people in the next door house - but it 's quite different if they moved in with me and started to eat my milk and eggs ! Even though a field may look quite large to us , it 's still a lot smaller than the home range a group of horses would share with other groups , so we need to work to minimise friction due to horses feeling crowded . Horses enjoy exploration - but they generally do it from a secure base . They explore incrementally , knowing that they can return along paths they know if they feel out of their depth . When we move them , we take away the landmarks and mental maps . Helping our horses build new ones can help reduce the stress of the move . It might be worth thinking about bringing along " treasured possessions " , just like my rosebush ! Think about things you can bring that evoke feelings of safety and security in your horse . If they have to leave a close friend , borrow something that smells of the friend along : a nice sweaty saddlecloth , or an old rug , and hang it somewhere your horse will rest in the new place . Think about creating a rolling pit , using soil and dust collected from favourite rolling spots in your horse 's previous home . You can also help your horse create positive associations with the new home by creating treasure hunts , and exploring with them . Short walks where carrots or some sweet feed are discovered will help them learn that the new place is a good place to live . You can help them learn where the good water supply is , where the shady resting spots are , find good lookouts . Ideally , if you can manage to move your horse along with a companion from their previous home , the " social stress " of the move is reduced , and explorations of the new place can take place in pairs , making both horses feel more confident about their new home . IF the new home includes a stable , make that stable smell and look like home before your horse arrives . Bring some dirty bedding from the old place . In the student flat , one of the first things I did was make the bed with my bedlinen . Once the room looked and smelled familiar , it felt less strange . Sleep is very important in helping horses ( and people ) deal with change , yet it 's one of the things that 's often disrupted in a new place . Even if you have familiar bed linen , the noises during the night are different , there are different scents , new neighbours may have different sleep / wake cycles . Stabled horses have no choice but to learn to deal with this , but bringing some used bedding from the previous home may help deal with this a little better . Finally , a great way to both learn about your new environment and settle into it at the same time is to do things you already enjoy doing , but in the new place . So if you love Sunday brunch , you find a nice place near your new home , buy yourself the Sunday papers , and head off to spend a relaxing morning . On the way , you learn where the papershop is , you meet some new people , and you get to taste some new food . If your horse has well learned activities they enjoy ( this would especially apply to horses who have a range of well learned and positively reinforced skills - touching and following targets , for example ) , doing these things in the new home is another way of learning that it 's a good place to be . These are just a few ideas about ways of helping our horses find moving home less stressful . I would love to hear about other ideas people have , or about things you 've done that have worked for your horses . If you post your ideas as a reply here , other people who read will be able to benefit from them ! It 's taken me back to an amazing time in the history of psychology : the years during the early 1960s when it suddenly became clear that some physical illnesses were related to our emotional responses to things that happened to us . To say it now isn 't all that surprising , but back then , the brain and the body were considered separate . Illnesses of the body were caused by outside agents - germs , poor hygiene , wars , bad lifestyles . Problems with the mind weren 't considered illnesses at all : there was no such concept as mental health or mental illness . Part of the change happened because two researchers , Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe , asked 5 , 000 people with physical illnesses what had happened in their lives in the previous year . As a result of what the people told them , Holmes and Rahe worked out that the more things that happen that disrupt your life , the more likely you are to become ill . They went on to test this by asking healthy people to keep records of what happened to them over a period of time . The people who had the most things happen to them ( Holmes and Rahe called the things " life events " ) were the people most likely to become ill . Although there was a range of illnesses , many people who had experienced lots of life changes suffered from heart disease , asthma , skin allergies and ulcers . They also tended to get more coughs , colds , flu - and there was a slower healing time for minor injuries . As a result of the research , something called the Social Readustment Rating Scale was developed . Different life events were given different scores : bereavements and marriage breakdown tended to have the highest weighting . Loss of job and retirement were also rated as being very challenging , as was moving house . What these things had in common was that they generally put the person in a very stressful situation , where they didn 't have access to their normal social support . The most important thing about the scale was that while a person could probably deal with one or even two quite difficult situations , if lots of smaller scale things were heaped on top of this their health would start to suffer . I think we should think about our horses ' lives in a similar way . We do often realise they 're under some stress , but once it 's all done and dealt with from our point of view , we forget it . But horses , like us , are very sensitive to social stress , and like many of the people studied by Holmes and Rahe , they have very little control over what happens to them . So in a given year , how many life events has your horse experienced ? One ? Two ? A few minor ones ? Here are things I think are horse life events : please add to my list ! Moving home , leaving all familiar companions behind . That 's a huge one ! Bereavement - death of a companion - that 's bad , but in many ways for the horse , it 's not that much different from being moved to a different home - in both cases , they lose their friends . Box rest - there 's another big one - familiar friends are there but they have no access to them - just like being sent to jail , which is the fourth most serious life event on the Holmes and Rahe human life events scale . Taking this into account , a competition horse can experience many life events in the course of a few months . So the high incidence of ulcers , colic are to be expected in many performance horses , because each event , each change is added on to the total score . In two or three months , we 've forgotten that our horse has changed yards , changed turnout , lost close friends , had to fit in with a new group , been taken to lots of shows , changed diet … We 've forgotten , but our horse 's body hasn 't . Here 's one example of what can happen : elevated stress levels lead to the release of a substance called histamine . Histamine is a broncho - constrictor , it narrows the passages in the lungs making it more difficult to breathe . It also increases gastric acid production , and it increases our skin 's response to irritants . In horses , you may see coughs , breathing problems , hives , gastric ulcers . A substance called cortisol is present in higher than usual levels in our bodies during times of stress : it keeps our bodies functioning in adverse situations . However when the stress levels drop , and cortisol levels start to return to normal , it leaves an after effect of low immunity , so we 're more likely to catch colds , and small injuries take longer to heal . This is just like the horse that started me off thinking about this : tiny injuries on the leg that just wouldn 't heal and are getting worse instead of better despite time and treatment . Because it 's our ( and our horses ' ) emotional response to things that happen , and because the things that have most effect tend to involve having to deal with changed social situations , we should try to take this into account when working with them . If your horse has to move , can you make it so that they move with a companion , a horse they already know ? When they get to a new place , can they meet just one or two sociable horses in a situation where there 's no pressure in terms of scarce resources ( plenty of space , plenty of food ) . If they 're being trained in something new , can you arrange so they have a familiar companion with them ? At shows , can they have familiar company ? If on box rest , can you arrange a stable where they have as much familiar social contact as possible ? It 's sometimes not possible to remove all the damaging stress from a domesticated horse 's life , but by keeping a mental tally of the changes they 've had to deal with over the last year , we can help them stay fit and healthy . Alexander Selkirk was a Scottish sailor who spent more than four years alone on an island off the coast of Argentina in the early years of the 18th century . He was the real life inspiration for Robinson Crusoe . He wasn 't shipwrecked - he chose to leave his ship and shipmates because he felt the ship was unsafe . I wonder did this make any difference to how he felt during the four years he spent alone on the island ? Writers tend to say that humans love solitude and seek it out , but hate loneliness and work hard to avoid it . Solitude means wanting the space to think or work but knowing that if we need someone to laugh with us , cry with us or listen to us , they can found . Being lonely is when we find ourselves in a situation where there 's nothing you can do to find any of these human comforts . Selkirk was eventually rescued , and the captain of the ship who found him wrote " at his first coming on board us , he had forgot his language for want of use , that we could scarce understand him " . During the four years he spent alone , we probably wouldn 't have noticed anything unusual about Selkirk . He built a shelter , hunted for food , read his bible , tanned hides and made clothes for himself . He even talked to himself and sang . All the while , he suffered internally from his isolation to the extent that he felt like harming himself . He even found things that we would consider funny or distracting absolutely terrifying : for a long time he couldn 't bring himself to go near a beach where there were " roaring monsters " . They turned out to be sea lions . You don 't have to be on a deserted island to be alone . Over the last few decades , we 've become more aware that there are people in the middle of our society suffering from social isolation and loneliness . There 's even research evidence that shows that being alone is as bad for the health of older people as being a heavy smoker . Being alone - for a social animal like a human - makes us more likely to become ill , and makes us more likely to die of any illness we contract . All the while , the lonely person is going about their daily life , cooking for themselves , going to the shops , watching the TV , going to bed . If we could see inside their homes , they wouldn 't look distressed or afraid , angry or in pain . Loneliness creeps up on you slowly , until you can 't work out how to fix it and it 's starting to damage your health and happiness . As part of our management of horses , we often choose to keep a single horse . If anybody suggests that horses are social animals who need companions , we protest that our horse is quite content . Look ! He 's eating , he 's lying down , he 's not running around or calling out in distress ! Like us , horses have a wide range of different individual traits and preferences , and like humans , you will occasionally find a horse who likes some solitude . I 've seen one - a mare in a feral herd who spent a lot of time alone , just out of sight and hearing of the group . The stallion was young , it was his first group of mares , and he was having enough worry keeping the other two mares and their foals together . The maverick mare probably just didn 't gel with him , and was confident enough to stray a little so that she could bump into another stallion if one happened past . At the first hint of danger , she and her foal would run back to the group - she was choosing to spend time alone rather than being made to do so . Even allowing for individual differences , horses don 't choose to isolate themselves completely from other horses - they just want to choose which horses they spend time with . They 're not leaving the group to be alone , they 're leaving the group because they want different company . Some horses are poorly socialised - we 've separated them from their dam and their social group before they 've learned how to interact with other horses as an adult . Some horses - like Alexander Selkirk - have lived alone for so long that they 've almost forgotten how to speak to other horses . In both cases , the horse doesn 't want to be alone . What they want is enough space and time to learn how to be part of the group without causing either themselves or the group any harm . The brain of a social animal is carefully set up to try to minimise the chances that we end up on our own . A researcher called Naomi Eisenberger was looking at how our brains react to rejection and social isolation . She happened to be working alongside another researcher who was looking at how the brain responds to the pain of Irritable Bowel Syndrome . They glanced at each other 's results and realised how many similarities there were . The same parts of the brain were lit up regardless of whether the pain had an obvious physical cause or not . This led to a new understanding : when we say our feelings have been hurt , we really do experience pain . This research was extended to look at the pain of separation from family with exactly the same results . When a baby , a puppy or a foal is separated from their mother and they cry , the emotions are exactly as distressing as if they 'd actually injured themselves . It 's nature 's way of ensuring that we don 't get separated from our group too easily . There are all kinds of reasons why we might choose to keep a horse alone . We sometimes , for convenience , provide them with the company of a sheep or a goat : Alexander Selkirk had a few feral cats as pets , Robinson Crusoe had his parrot Poll . It was perfectly clear that this substitute didn 't in any way make up for the lack of human companionship and in the same way , goats and sheep aren 't the same as other horses . Horses can be very protective of their " pets " - and in the same way , Alexander Selkirk would no doubt have been very angry if anybody had tried to take his cats . Give him the choice between the cats and the possibility of a human companion though and he 'd most likely hand you every single cat . We can understand Selkirk and how he felt . We can put ourselves in his position and realise what it would be like to be alone , day after day after endless day . We can understand the sadness of isolated older people in the middle of busy towns and cities . It 's time we applied a little of that empathy to the situation of horses kept alone . If we want to ensure our horses have healthy , long and happy lives , and if we care about the emotions they experience when away from other horses , we need to start organising a rescue mission to get them off that deserted island . My friend tells me that there is a local tradition where you nail a used horseshoe to your door in order to keep yourself and your family safe . The story goes that when witches try to cast a spell on you , the horseshoe on the door means that they must retrace all the steps the horse took wearing the shoe before dawn comes , and only after they 've done this can they cast their spells . The more steps the horse took when wearing the shoe , the safer you will be . The horseshoe in the photo was made by my friend 's Uncle Jimmy . Although it 's a lovely piece of work , apparently it 's not a lucky horseshoe as it 's never been worn by a horse ! There are all kinds of interesting superstitions in different cultures . In Ireland where I come from , the horseshoe is fixed with the open end facing upwards so that the luck doesn 't run out . In other parts of Europe , it 's considered lucky to nail it to the door with the open side facing down , presumably so that the luck can get out and benefit you . As well as superstitions passed down in families , we also have personal superstitions . The golfer Tiger Woods is known to wear red on Sundays , believing that this will help his game . The tennis player Serena Williams bounces the ball five times before a first serve and twice before a second serve . What leads us to believe that these little rituals gets us something we want , or avoid something we don 't want ? Human brains are set up to spot short cuts , so that we don 't have to think everything out in full every time we meet a new situation . Superstitions are a funny side effect of one of these shortcuts : the one where we make quick associations between what we just did and what happened next . They give us the feeling that we can control a situation , so Tiger Woods feels a bit more confident that by wearing red he is doing something that makes him more likely to win . In his case , this might be partly true : feeling more confident is , in itself , something that will improve his game . It could be a problem if he can 't find a clean red shirt on the day though - a game spoiled because of something that didn 't really matter . All animals are scientists by nature . We observe what happens around us , we form hypotheses about what 's going on and then we test them to see if we 're right . If the evidence suggests we are , we incorporate this into our library of mental shortcuts . There 's a problem if we 're wrong , as the Tiger Woods example demonstrates . Most of us can laugh at superstitions , having walked safely under lots of ladders and found that we were lucky even when we didn 't touch wood or cross our fingers . We try quite hard to have correct mental shortcuts , but we need to strike a balance . We work out ( unconsciously ) the cost of being wrong and thinking that doing something that takes a bit of effort gets us a benefit when in fact it does nothing at all . And then we work out what we lose if we don 't do the magic thing , but later find out we could have been better off if we had . Doctors are familiar with juggling these odds . It costs a lot of money to test the whole population for an illness , but you will pick up every single case of something you can treat . This is amazing , if you 're dealing with a killer disease . It 's less impressive if you spend lots of money screening to find every single case of tennis elbow in the population when many cases haven 't been causing any problems at all . Horses work exactly the same cost - benefit analysis all the time . Although we think we 're in control of delivering the food to the horse , it often escapes our attention that the horse is building a mental model of the world to explain how to obtain the food . They 're not just passively waiting for us to hand over the bucket . All of us , horses ( and Tigers ) included , like to feel that we have some control over our environment . The problem for domesticated horses is that in most cases , their theories are wrong . The food arrives when we humans bring it and little that the horse does has any effect . This doesn 't stop them coming up with and testing theories . " Superstitious behaviours " are ones that horses ( and humans ) do intending to produce an effect , when they really have no effect at all . A horse who has been in a stable all night and who really wants to go out may in frustration paw or kick the door . If it just so happens that the door then opens and they 're led out , they immediately enter this into their mental shortcut library for further testing , and the testing will involve doing more pawing and kicking . Although they weren 't right at the beginning ( the human just happened to come along at the usual time ) , over time the horse will gather more and more evidence that they 're right because their banging and kicking is so annoying to the human that they may indeed get let out as a result . Similarly , a horse may be tied up for grooming or being tacked up at a time when she would rather move around . In horses ( and humans ) , being unable to do something we want often leads to impatient and frustrated movements . Humans tap their feet , drum their fingers and look at their watch . Horses paw . At first , the pawing won 't happen until the horse has been tied up for a while , so it 's more likely that shortly after they paw or scrape with their hoof , the human will finish the grooming and tacking up and lead them off . Again , the horse adds this shortcut to their mental library to test : " Pawing leads to getting to move " , so they test it sooner next time . Quite quickly , the horse will believe that pawing is what leads to being released , and they will paw constantly when tied up . The only way to fix superstitions is to prove that they don 't work , just as a scientist would test and then reject a idea that was false . That sounds easy , doesn 't it ? You just ignore the pawing or door kicking horse and eventually , they 'll stop . Up to a point , this is true . What you need to remember , though , is that you haven 't removed the reason the horse was pawing or kicking in the first place , so they 're still motivated to find something that appears to get them what they want . If you 're waiting for a bus that 's late and you have been tapping your foot , or pacing up and down at the bus stop , after a few minutes you become aware of glares and disapproval from the other people waiting . It 's making their wait more unpleasant . You stop , but you still have that unpleasant gut feeling of frustration and impatience , so you may try to cope in some other way . Animals often engage in bouts of slightly frantic looking self grooming - humans nibble nails , twiddle or flick hair or brush invisible crumbs off their clothes ! Horses will sometimes bite at themselves as if they 're itchy , rub their noses on their legs , or shake their forelocks into and out of their eyes . All of this means you 're in danger of them fixing on another superstitious behaviour in order to give back the feeling that they 're in control . Instead , the best approach is to remove the reason for the impatience or anxiety . Rather than feeling that they would prefer to be doing something else , and that being stuck ( in the stable , tied up in the yard , at the cross ties ) is something they have to fix , make them think that what they 're doing just now is the best of many possible options . If the bus is late , I can pace up and down and feel impatient or I can immerse myself in my book and then feel disappointed when the bus arrives before I can finish the chapter ! To deal with superstitions in ourselves and horses , we need to work out what we think they 're getting us ( or our horse ) and then find a nice reward for sticking with the situation we 're in . Our horse will learn that standing with all four feet on the ground is not only the best way to get the human to finish up the grooming and let them move around again , but also that standing there with all four feet on the ground means they get lots of positive attention , fuss and rewards . They don 't know how long you 're going to leave them there - they have no more insight into the workings of your brain than I do into the FirstBus Glasgow timetable - but at least you 're making the wait a pleasant one . We all have things we want , places we would like to be , goals we would like to achieve . We also recognise that getting what we want often involves working with other people . Many of us realise that people are more likely to work with us when they too get something out of it , especially when they enjoy the experience . A good few years ago , I got my first university job and started trying to find my feet in a large academic environment . Fortunately , there was a group of similar aged researchers , postgrads and lecturers who would congregate in each other 's offices for morning coffee , and who used to go out together after work from time to time . Joining them seemed a good way to fit in . I kept bumping into one person in particular , because she and I seemed to have very similar work hours . We would find ourselves waiting for the kettle to boil in the kitchen at about the same time every morning , and we were often part of the larger group heading to the pub after work or going clubbing together at weekends . Although I am confident when it comes to standing up and delivering a lecture to 400 students , I 'm quite shy in small social groups . I find it difficult to break into conversations and when groups are larger or noisy , I 'm often very quiet . As if to make up for this , my colleague was bubbly , chatty and outgoing . During our coffee breaks , she chatted a lot and I learned quite a bit about her life , her romances and her family . There was also a benefit for me - in work social situations if I was with her , I didn 't have to struggle to be heard . I could just smile and nod and fade quietly into the background . She was sharp and witty and enjoyed banter and slightly malicious gossip about workmates . Things change , workplaces change and people change . After I 'd settled in , I got to know a different group of people . They 're people who are still my valued friends even though I don 't see all of them very often now . They were colleagues , fellow postgrads , even my students who themselves became postgrads and then staff . When I met up with them , I realised that I was really enjoying myself . They were good listeners and we exchanged information about our lives . Gossip was lighthearted rather than mean , and we did fun , silly things together and laughed a lot . One of these new friends turned out to share my love of horses . She and I found a local riding stables and we both began riding again after a long break . At the same time , I found myself more and more in demand with the first person I 'd met , but now I was more aware that it felt a bit uncomfortable . She 'd seek me out , but when we chatted there wasn 't much fun or laughing , it was more about her problems and people she disliked . She wanted me to listen to her but she didn 't want to listen to me in return . I noticed how negative and spiteful she could be . She hadn 't changed , but I 'd become more aware that I had a social alternative that was more rewarding and more positive . So I started to avoid her . At first , it wasn 't done consciously . I just made my coffee earlier , or spent more time in the library . I changed my in - office hours . Despite this , one day she caught me in the corridor . I felt cornered and I couldn 't wait to get away . I realised what I 'd been doing ; I felt guilty and rather shallow ( the confessional power of the blog ! ) . Despite this , I was more determined to avoid her , because I came away from each encounter feeling miserable and a bit drained . Time 's moved on . We both moved to new jobs and I haven 't seen her for a decade . Despite the time passing , I know I 'd still walk in the other direction if I saw her coming although she never did anything bad to me . She spent time with me , she often bought me small gifts and her presence made my first weeks and months in a new job easier . We never fell out or argued , yet I still have a deep down urge to avoid her . What on earth does this have to do with horses ? Well , I read last week about someone who had a pony who had become more and more difficult to catch . They pointed out that they had always been lovely to the pony , they 'd never hit it , never neglected it , fed it occasional tasty treats and yet when they walked into the field , the pony would walk ( and run ) in the other direction as if repelled from them by some kind of magnetic force . There 's a force at work in humans and other animals that 's almost like magnetism . With some individuals , we are pulled towards them , we 're attracted to them . With others , we 're pinged away like trying to bring two similarly charged magnets together . Have you ever done the school experiment where you used a magnet to magnetise a paperclip ? To begin with , there 's nothing magnetic about the paperclip , but once magnetised , it starts to attract other paperclips … The things ( and people , and horses ) we are attracted to can pass that charge on to other things . The things we do with people we like are things we come to enjoy in their own right : I enjoy snowboarding mainly because how I feel about the friends who were with me when I was learning , but even when they 're not there any more , I still love the sport . The magnetic charge is the emotion that 's automatically triggered by people , events and situations . Back to horses again . The human trying to catch the pony had built up a magnetic charge that meant the pony took evasive action whenever he saw them coming . Maybe the human was the original source of the problem , or maybe the problem was with something else ( stable , riders , tack , previous owners ) but had become associated with that particular human : the process can go both ways . Whichever it was , it probably wasn 't something that was going to be overcome by the human offering random small presents any more than that helped with overcoming how I felt about my work colleague . You can change a negative emotional response , but you need repeated positive associations during a period when you make sure no negative associations are triggered . This process is called counter conditioning , and I 'll write more about it in a future post . As well as negative associations , ponies and horses form positive associations with us . Where they find something attractive ( a tasty feed ) , they can also start to find the things associated with the tasty feed pleasant and attractive in their own right . So ponies come to have pleasant associations with , for example , stables , people who feed them and even the sounds of familiar cars . Like the magnetised paperclips , these things hold their positive emotional charge even when the original magnet isn 't around : if your pony runs over when they see you even when you don 't have feed , it 's because they really are pleased to see you . The lovely horse in the photo at the top of this post is Tor . Tor lives out on a Spanish mountain with a small band of mares and has pretty much no contact with humans for 11 months of the year . Despite this , when his owner and I appeared he came straight over . He was happy for me to ride him bareback and in a headcollar for several miles up a steep rocky mountainside to help round up another group of horses and bring them to his owner 's farm . Tor finds people pleasant and interesting . Even though he 'd never met me , the strong positive association he had with his owner rubbed off on me , and he was happy to spend time with me even when she wasn 't there . In turn , I made sure I did my best to keep biting flies off him , to scratch his itchy bits and to leave him grazing in a nice pasture . This " magnetism " isn 't magic . It 's a part of the science of learning called Classical Conditioning . Many people know this because they 've heard of Ivan Pavlov , and his dogs who would start drooling when they heard a bell that signalled the arrival of food . It 's what causes us to experience positive or negative emotions in specific situations , even when we can 't remember what originally triggered the feeling . Classical conditioning is something we can harness when training our horses . A horse who feels positive about you wants to be with you because of how that makes them feel . There 's a reserve of tolerance and acceptance , and a strong " positive charge " can help when dealing with situations they don 't like . Classical conditioning can be a powerful took , although we never have complete control over it . We 're part of a world that 's full of overlapping " magnetic fields " that we can 't see . At different times of the year with our horses we 're in competition with the attraction of green grass or playful buddies , or with the repellent effect of swarms of flies or muddy gateways . Because of this , we can 't take it for granted . When you next stand at the gate of your field , think for a moment about the magnetic forces that are at work . How strongly is your horse or pony attracted to you ? Are there times when they can 't seem to come or when they have to leave ? What have you done recently that 's strengthened or weakened your pull ? Are you relying on a charge you built up but that 's now leaking away ? There 's a last word on human relationships too . If you feel uncomfortable , unhappy or vaguely ill at ease with someone and what they say and do , there 's probably a very good reason for it . An encounter with a true friend will leave both of you feeling recharged , so seek them out , treasure them , and may the force be with you , your good friends and your horses ! Well , it seems to be starting to be spring time around here . There are lambs leaping around in the field outside my window , a lot of very noisy starlings are using my hay to build nests in my barn , and I am sure I saw a bee fly past yesterday … So I thought I 'd write about the birds and the bees . It 's another example of an area where we can learn about horse behaviour by looking at human behaviour , but possibly not in the way you might think ! One of my former university colleagues , now retired , was a lovely man who studied Developmental Psychology . He was married to another psychologist , and their first child , a boy , was born as the late 70s turned into the early 80s , a time when right - on psychologists spent a lot of time thinking about gender equality and world peace . He and his wife decided that they didn 't want to impose any expectations about gender or any stereotypes on their little boy , so they went out and bought lots of beautiful educational toys - but no Action Man and no guns . Their little boy played happily with the lovely toys until one day , they found him and a visiting friend playing a very warlike game that involved shooting each other and dying dramatically - using guns they had built out of Lego . We are all born with our bodies and our brains already set to male or female . As children , one of the things we learn very early on is to distinguish between male and female , and most parents have good stories to tell about the awkward questions they 've had to answer about the differences between boys and girls . These awkward questions often extend to other species too , and parents need to be prepared with good answers if they take trips to the countryside in spring ! Even long before puberty , boys and girls act differently . Boys tend to like rough and tumble play , girls tend to like involved games that have a lot of talking and social interaction . Boys like taking things apart , girls like making things . I am first to acknowledge that it isn 't always cut and dried and that there are huge variations between things that different girls like and things that different boys like , but as a general rule , it is clear that boys and girls behave differently and that we can see this from soon after birth . Most people know that hormones have an important role in sex , and they can name at least one or two sex hormones . Testosterone usually the first one mentioned , but oestrogen and progesterone are also fairly familiar ones . There are other hormones that have a very important role in sex , but they 're ones that people don 't tend to think of as sex hormones . These include oxytocin , vasopressin and prolactin . The important thing to know about ( all ) sex hormones is that they aren 't just involved in sex - they 're involved first of all in organising our brains so that they 're either male or female , and then , after puberty , into making our male and female brains activate sexual behaviour . Most of them have other important functions in the body that have nothing to do with sex . So how does this relate to horses ? Well , lots of us own geldings . Many of us think of them as being sexless : mares are female , and stallions are male , but geldings occupy a sort of no - man 's land ! We can be surprised ( and sometimes displeased ) if our gelding does anything to demonstrate their maleness or sexuality . Like humans , horses are identifiably male or female at birth . Besides the external sex organs , a colt foal is born with a brain that has already been " masculinised " by the effects of male sex hormones before and just after birth . So they are born - like human boys - programmed to do all kinds of boy behaviours . Rough and tumble play is one example : fillies prefer games that involve play chasing , especially when they can match their friends stride for stride . Colts like nipping each other , rearing and wrestling . Colts are hardwired to learn about stallion behaviours : they quickly learn how to chase and herd , and they also practice male sex behaviours like play mounting other horses . They 're like pre - adolescent human boys . They understand that colts and fillies are different , and that mares and stallions are different . What they don 't know is why that might be important to them . They 're not sexual beings , but they have clear gender identities . These male behaviours are the result of having a " male brain " . At puberty , the brain triggers the release of sex hormones that cause the body ( and the brain itself ) to mature . This happens very obviously in humans . It happens in horses too : the sex hormones cause the development of secondary sex characteristics : e . g . colts suddenly developing a deeper note to their whinnies . Sex hormones also direct energy into building muscle and bulk rather than height : e . g . stallions develop crested necks and compact muscular bodies . The hormones also cause primary sexual characteristics to develop : in male horses , the penis and testes take on an adult shape and size . Young horses gelded before horsey puberty remain like pre - adolescent boys . They have " boy soprano " whinnies , they grow tall and gangly rather than compact and muscly , they remain more playful and they also remain fairly oblivious to the scent and behaviour of a mare in season . It doesn 't mean they aren 't interested in mares . They know - just like pre - adolescent boys - that mares are an important part of the social group , and they know and understand their own role in a group of horses . So they are more likely to be the watchmen , they are more likely to want to head off newcomers , and they are more likely to try to herd and collect the group . Lots of geldings , mine included , are notorious bottom biters and rug rippers . They drive other horses from behind as a stallion does . They 're also more likely to engage in play with young colts and fillies ( mares are usually too busy for this ! ) . If they 're gelded before horsey puberty , even administering testosterone won 't make them respond to in - season mares , because their brains and bodies have never matured enough . However … and it 's a big however ! Like pre - adolescent boys , they 're still quite interested in their own bodies . And this is where the hormones I mentioned earlier have a role . Many of us have heard of oxytocin . It 's often called " the cuddle hormone " in the popular press , because it seems to be associated with hugs . What 's less well known is that it plays a key role in most male mammals in getting and maintaining an erection , and its release also triggers other hormones that make us feel good . So obviously , it 's involved in sex ! But it 's also released when mothers hold and bond with their new baby , and when we hug or get a nice massage . In fact , it 's there in any situation where we connect in a social , pleasurable but non sexual way with others . The important thing to know is that oxytocin is not manufactured or released by the testes . It 's made in a part of the brain called the hypothalamus . So even geldings continue to have the ability to get and maintain erections , regardless of whether they have testosterone circulating in their bodies . It 's just that it 's not triggered by the scent or behaviour of mares : it 's triggered by pleasant social interactions and relaxing situations . Have you ever noticed your gelding dropping his penis ( and even getting an erection ) during physiotherapy or other bodywork , or while you groom him ? The combination of touch and a social element is what causes this normal behaviour . The penis has lots of small cells that are activated by oxytocin , and in fact the hormone can be used to help treat sexual dysfunction in humans . Young geldings will often drop when snoozing together in groups , but also during social play and when grooming each other . In human males , increased oxytocin levels are associated with social bonding , the development of trust and ( although it 's difficult to measure ) increased empathy - the hormone seems to help us find ways to live together harmoniously in groups . In addition , oxytocin is what allows geldings to masturbate . If you haven 't seen your gelding do this , he 's probably just a bit shy ! It often happens when a horse wakes up after a snooze , especially on lazy sunny days , and again , it 's perfectly normal . We 've made sure geldings aren 't interested in mares by removing the drive to court and mount a mare that comes from testosterone , but that doesn 't mean they 're not interested in feeling good ! The exception to this is late gelded horses - if a horse is gelded after " puberty " , all he 's lacking is testosterone . He can respond to , court and serve a mare if we give him a shot of testosterone ( and even after gelding , testosterone is still produced by the adrenal glands ) . These kinds of geldings often do cover mares , especially during the springtime , but because they have no testes , they have no sperm that can result in foals . So the main message of this week 's blog is that there 's behaviour associated with what sex you are , and then there 's sexual behaviour . A gelding is male , and will behave like a male horse . Depending on when he was gelded , he will show either no interest or little interest in a mare when she 's in season , but the lack of testosterone doesn 't mean that he doesn 't have other sex hormones and other types of sexual behaviour . So lets take an openminded approach to gelding sexuality … and if you 're interested in hearing about mares , mareishness and hormones , click the " follow blog " button at the top of the page , because I am going to discuss it next week .
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Often I find quotes or short stories that resonate . Poetry that fires up those synapses and gets me thinking about the bigger picture . For my birthday , my father gave me a card that did just that . It 's a Hallmark card and the message is one I think maybe my dad has been trying to relay to me in some way . It 's also a lesson that I have been learning for myself in recent months after certain events . I wanted to share it with you . How to make a Beautiful Life : Reflections for a Daughter on her BirthdayLove yourself . Make peace with who you are and where you are at this moment in time . Listen to your heart . If you can 't hear what it 's saying in this noisy world , make time for yourself . Enjoy your own company . Let your mind wander among the stars . Try . Take chances . Make mistakes . Life can be messy and confusing at time , but it 's also full of surprises . The next rock in your path might be a stepping - stone . Be happy . When you don 't have what you want , want what you have . Make do . That 's a well - kept secret of contentment . There aren 't any shortcuts to tomorrow . You have to make your own way . To know where you 're going is only part of it . You need to know where you 've been , too . And if you ever get lost , don 't worry . The people who love you will find you . Count on it . Life isn 't days and years . It 's what you do with time and with all the goodness and grace that 's inside you . Make a beautiful life . . . The kind of life you deserve . Whence spring these inclinations , rank and strong ? And harming no one , wherefore call them wrong ? Those are the words of an anonymous author from 1833 . It was written in defence of one Captain Nicholas Nicholls who was sentenced to death by hanging . His crime ? Sodomy . He was gay . In the society that I like to associate with , this is not a big deal . But back then , it clearly was . Over the last 150 plus years , the LGBT movements have come to the forefront of politics , social mindedness and water cooler discussions in a big way . 11 years ago , Ellen DeGeneres " came out " to the world as a whole on Oprah . Later , her character on the show Ellen did the same thing . From there on out ratings slid and the show was later cancelled . She went back to doing stand up and has since gotten herself a great talk show . She 's hilarious , she 's a great entertainer , and she 's gay . Big deal right ? Wrong . The other day , the California Supreme Court overturned a previous ban in the state and announced that henceforth , gay marriage was A - OK . This has sparked almost as much discussion in the media as the election and the war . After the Supreme Court announced their decision , Ellen used her show as a medium for an announcement of her own . She was getting married . . . . to Portia De Rossi . Cue the media storm ! Holy Shitballs . . . did she say she was marrying a chick ? What IS the world coming to ? In a recent article in Gaywired , one Wendy Wright was quoted comparing the marriage of Ellen to her lesbian partner to the shit storm that has become the polygamist compound in Texas . " We need to look at the consequences of that and we can look at the polygamy community in Texas . There are consequences . When you redefine marriage to mean anything it can mean nothing . Once you start breaking down and claim that marriage can be something other than between one man and one woman , you do open the doors to it being anything . " Seriously lady ? ? ! First of all . . . . . who was it that decided that marriage could ONLY be between man and woman ? Second . . . . how is this anything Maggie Over the past 3 years , 9 months and 2 weeks ( thank you Lilypie for the exact count ) , I have heard numerous times , from numerous sources , how CJ 's health issues could have been prevented . If only I had breastfed him , not fed him peanut butter so early , introduced solid foods more slowly , slept hanging upside down from a clothesline , spun in circles while in labour or eaten less garlic and onions while pregnant . I 'm sure you 'd be astonished to learn that all this expert advice came not from a doctor , but from mere strangers . Passersby on the street . People in waiting rooms . I cannot even begin to tell you how grateful I was to get this advice , this sage wisdom , all from people who have NO FREAKING IDEA what they 're talking about ! CJ is lactose intolerant , and has " sensitivities " ( they won 't classify them as allergies ) to tomatoes , oranges , pineapple , and strawberries . He also has asthma that we are finally able to control without multiple emergency hospital trips . I cannot even begin to describe the guilt that I saddled myself with , but suffice to say that the saddle is large enough for a sumo wrestler and his girlfriend to be quite comfortable lounging in . Could I have prevented some of these issues of his ? Possibly . But what fun would that be ? How boring would my life be if I had been the perfect parent that some of these others CLEARLY are and done nothing to jeopardize my spawn 's health . Well , I haven 't the faintest idea what I would do with myself from day to day . While there are times that I wish I could wind back the clock to the day he was born , and force my unwilling body to produce that much needed milk despite the infection it was already fighting , I am just completely unwilling to repeat the hundreds of sleepless nights and shitty diapers . So asthma it is . Suck it up people . What I did NOT know back then was that there was something I could have done to prevent all of this . I could have saved my son , myself and all these strangers a lot of time and advice giving if I had just done one thing . Dropped my son ofThis round of insanity brought to you by It 's been days since my last entry and I have no real excuse other than the fact that by some miracle Spring finally decided to grace us somewhat permanently with its presence . For the last three days , as proved by my sunburn , we have had beautiful weather . What astounds me is the number of people that pop out of their holes the minute the good weather hits . It 's rather like sitting on the flat lands and watching the Prairie Dogs pop up out of their burrows . If you 're ever looking for some quick entertainment , I highly recommend peoplewatching . As horrifying as seeing all those pasty , lily white legs emerge was , it made me smile . We spend so much of the year complaining about how cold or wet or windy it is , and then the second we have just the eensiest bit of sun , we get sunburned so we have something else to complain about . And of course , that sunburn is a long lasting investment . Think ahead to those days when you are the crazy cat lady or the crotchety old man sitting on your porch yelling at the kids and bitching about how you should have invested more in sunscreen . If you use your brains now , and slather it on , it will totally hamper your chances of a good chin wag in 50 years . So put the bottle down , back away slowly and head back out into the sun . I , on the other hand , take to hiding in my house . I do not deal well with heat . I think that perhaps in a past life I may have been a polar bear given my love of sleep and cold . My motto has always been something about how I can always add more layers to combat the chill , but if I were to take more layers OFF , I am likely to be arrested for gross public indecency . And that does no one any favours . Over the next few months you may very well hear more whining on my part about the heat while Hotty Hubby and the spawn frolic in the rays and the blistering heat ( which , for the record , is anything above 20C or 68F ) I should look and see if I have any relatives living in the Arctic . It 's a Monday , and like all Mondays I am lagging behind most of the world . As a result of this unexplainable lag , I find myself musing over various things , cruising the net when I could be cruising the house - cleaning - highway , and I find the strangest things sometimes . Take this for example . I 'm all for spending time with your spawn ( if you must ) and getting them involved in sports , but there are some people who take it to an extreme . And I can only imagine how the poor kid 's mother feels . " Woot ! My husband caught a foul ball . My life is now complete . The fact that he didn 't DROP MY CHILD ON HIS HEAD is merely a bonus . " This guy is probably the same guy who says he is " babysitting " when the children are in his care . Really , who the hell takes their baby to a baseball game , wearing a glove on one hand , with any hopes of catching a foul ball ? ! Obviously the answer is this guy . I don 't think Hotty Hubby would be brave enough to come home if he pulled a stunt like this . See more funny videos at CollegeHumorAnd then there 's this guy ( are we sensing a theme here yet ? ) . His parents must be proud . All the other boys make it over the itty bitty jump , but not their son . He decided to hinder his ability to ever procreate . This may be a good option . Note of interest : - The crowd watching this race doesn 't rush to his aid , instead they giggle . The other boys run OVER him probably while wincing to themselves . I don 't imagine he 's overly comfortable . See more funny videos at CollegeHumorJust a couple of things for you to mull over . Just over six and a half years ago , I was causing some concern in my little circle of friends . Hotty Hubby and others thought I was just a little bit crazy . They were right , of course , but not for the reasons they thought . I had been dreaming for weeks that I was walking down the road with a little girl . A blonde little girl . Strange , considering we had not yet had our spawn . Two weeks later , I peed on that stick that forever changed our lives . Considering the fact that Hotty Hubby and I had only been together for about 3 months , and the fact that he didn 't want children til he was closer to 30 , it took me 3 days to gather the courage to spring all sorts of wonderful on the man . Obviously , he stuck around . Whether he has ever regretted that decision is beyond me , but if my experiences with the hellions are anything to go by , chances are he 's considered the fact that trekking around Outer Siberia might occasionally be a better option . Before I was a mother , I used to judge a lot . Now ? Well . Those women you see in the shopping mall with two screaming children ? That 's me . The kids that throw sand in your kid 's face ? Those would be mine . They watch altogether too much tv , they eat way more crap than healthy stuff and they have an attitude that would rival the most devilish of teenagers . But they 're mine . They give me hugs and kisses at just the right moments , complete with snot trails and jammy fingers . They love almost unconditionally . I say almost because there are days when I wonder if they might walk out the door if I don 't get them that cookie . It 's been rather a rollercoaster of emotions for almost 6 years , and it 's been totally worth it . There is no better way to experience life than through the eyes of a child . It 's Mother 's Day today . A day devoted to me , my mother , my grandmother , and all of you other moms . My children have made breakfast in bed for me and I have some homemade surprise gifts sitting up waiting to be opened . I never thought I would be so thankful to see yet another piece of paper with handprintsMaggie Beautiful . Courageous . Willful . Strong . Steady . Those are just a few of the words that I have used to describe my mother over the years . That 's her up there in the picture . She 's on the left of her mom and little sister . Born to a military father in Toronto , Canada in 1953 , my mother is one of the most amazing people I know . She is the eldest of 3 girls and gave birth to two girls of her own . Because of my mom , I am the person I am today , like it or not . The good , the bad , and the ugly . . . . . we learned how to deal with it all because of the way my mom dealt with life . ( That 's mom at Circus World . ) In the late 80s , my mom suddenly found herself a single mom . I have known many people to end up in this position who don 't cope very well . Granted , I don 't remember much of those years , but from my perspective it was ok . We were ok . My mom looked after me , worked , went to school and held things together as best she could . Then she met a man who would take us away . She was so in love . He was a smooth British man in the Air Force who knew all the right things to say and he said them . I have pictures of my mom sitting in a field full of flowers and she looks so happy . I have always loved seeing my mom smile . She married that Englishman and we lived all over Europe . By the time I was 11 , I had a baby sister and got to see my mom do all the things she must have done with me , and more . She was gorgeous when she was pregnant . She was rather the size of a barge heffalump cow gloriously pregnant woman with a large baby inside her , but she seemed to take it all in stride as was her way . My mom helped me learn so much . I love to read . I remember that if I couldn 't immediately get an answer from mom or find her , chances were she was curled up with a book somewhere . I swear the woman would have lived in a bookstore given half a chance . Some of my best memories involve just sitting around with my mom - reading . As I got older , and became that hormonal , bitchy , moody , horrible teenager that I dread having in my own house , my mom dealt with meThis round of insanity brought to you by I climbed a mountain today . Not only did I climb it , but I reached the top and then dug away at it til it was gone . No more mountain . Take that Sir Edmund Hillary . Of course , when I say mountain , I am of course talking about Laundry Mountain . There are many mountains in this range but my house is built around just one . The size of this changes from day to day , and often from hour to hour , but it never ceases to amaze me how insurmountable the task of conquering it seems . I think that my neighbours are sneaking into my house in the middle of the night and piling clothes in my laundry room , dirty dishes on my kitchen counters and papers on every other available surface . There really can 't be any other explanation . The spawn are little neat freaks whose rooms are never out of order , Hotty Hubby has never been known to leave his socks and underwear on the floor and me , well I am like the not so famous version of Martha Stewart . I just cannot figure out how they are getting into the house . As I ran my 10th load of clothes through the machine ( yes yes , it 's been that long since I did any laundry ) , I had yet another load in the dryer doing it 's second round . There seems to be some sort of issue with the heating element ( ? ? ) and it takes 2 hours to dry one load of clothes . Bloody ridiculous if you ask me but at least it gives the gorilla that lives in my laundry room something to do . My goal today , given how much I adore goals and the impossibility of meeting them , was to get my entire house clean . For any normal person , this might be achievable . For me ? Far too many distractions . But I did my best . I even decided that for extra motivation , I would challenge a friend to a house cleaning race . This would have been fantastic if the traitorous wretch she hadn 't thrown me under the Molly Maid bus given up . Really Alison ? One kitchen and you think you 're done cleaning . Ha ! I laugh in the face of your intelligence . I honestly had no idea how much dust one cat could create . I have come to the conclusion that the basis of all my homeThis round of insanity brought to you by Oh my lovely readers , if you could be where I am today . Or rather , where I was today . Although many of my fellow countrymen are still buried under inches of snow , and freezing their nads off in the cold , the weather here on the Island tends to be , well , a little temperamental . And yet , even on the wettest days , it is still nice . Today , the weather forecast promised me sun . Did I get it ? No . Of course not . That would just be far too lovely . Instead , it rained . More to the point it drizzled . Nothing really worth getting the umbrella out for , but enough to make the grass too wet to sit on , the playgrounds too wet to play in and the swings to wet to swing in . Unless of course you have no objections to a wet ass . What is not too wet though , on a day like this , is the beach . Yes , that 's right , you heard me . Beach , beach , beach . I said it . And I 'll say it again - beach beach beach . A friend and I took our clan of kidlets down to the beach this morning to explore the rocks and the waves and the gross seaweed . The beach is phenomenal place in the wet weather . Little tiny crabs scurrying all over the beach , purple seaweed washed up everywhere , and beautifully exquisite driftwood arrangements . As the kids played in the waves and combed the beach for seashells , my friend and I busied ourselves snapping pictures . When you have four children between the ages of 3 and 6 , it can be incredibly difficult to get a good picture at times but when they are busy with that new shell or piece of beach glass , you get some amazing shots . Sadly , the endless drizzle wears on the patience of the adults and kids alike and after 40 minutes of wetness , and having seemingly acquired every glass and shell that the tide had washed up , we were all ready to leave . We decided to brave the fast fading fuses ( oooh alliteration ) of the kidlets and go in search of ice cream . Clearly not the best plan we 've ever had . Nor was the plan to go to McPuke 's to obtain said cold treat . I have recently discovered that when the young Barbie dolls at the golden arches doThis round of insanity brought to you by As I sat here this afternoon and tried desperately to continue working on my book , I found myself distracted by just about everything else around me . After losing interest in staring out the window , I turned to those little fliers that come with the local free paper twice a week . I don 't actually read the articles in the paper most of the time , if I 'm interested in the news , I 'll read it online . But the fliers hold a special place in my heart . I am not a shopper . I can happily walk through a mall and only venture into one or two stores . If there is something that I am looking for , I 'd like to be in and out as fast as possible . Of course , this philosophy goes right out the window if you take me into a shop that sells yarn , but that is beside the point . So I 'm sitting around shuffling through this pile of fliers ( have you ever noticed how much junk we get with our papers now ? ) and I notice they 're all labeled with something along the lines of " Perfect for Mom ! " . I 'd like to know just who determines what is perfect for me . Perhaps I could spend some time with this person . Sure , there 's the fliers that are full of jewelery , but the majority of it runs in the thousands of dollars and frankly Hotty Hubby is not the jewelery buying type . The rest of it though , is housewares . I 'd like to meet the woman who would happily smile and appreciate the new broom and dustpan set that her husband took the kids out to buy . Oh ! A new apron . You shouldn 't have . Really . I 'm a firm believer that unless a woman specifically asks for a household cleaning item for their birthday , Mother 's Day or Christmas , that you should not take it upon yourself to purchase it . And even if it has been requested , there should be verification sought at least twice a week until the time comes to purchase . For instance , I once requested an upright vacuum cleaner for Christmas . You 'd think the bottom had fallen out of Hotty Hubby 's world . Was he brave enough to follow through ? At the time , my mother was visiting and he was able to seek reassurance from her that This round of insanity brought to you by
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Often I find quotes or short stories that resonate . Poetry that fires up those synapses and gets me thinking about the bigger picture . For my birthday , my father gave me a card that did just that . It 's a Hallmark card and the message is one I think maybe my dad has been trying to relay to me in some way . It 's also a lesson that I have been learning for myself in recent months after certain events . I wanted to share it with you . How to make a Beautiful Life : Reflections for a Daughter on her BirthdayLove yourself . Make peace with who you are and where you are at this moment in time . Listen to your heart . If you can 't hear what it 's saying in this noisy world , make time for yourself . Enjoy your own company . Let your mind wander among the stars . Try . Take chances . Make mistakes . Life can be messy and confusing at time , but it 's also full of surprises . The next rock in your path might be a stepping - stone . Be happy . When you don 't have what you want , want what you have . Make do . That 's a well - kept secret of contentment . There aren 't any shortcuts to tomorrow . You have to make your own way . To know where you 're going is only part of it . You need to know where you 've been , too . And if you ever get lost , don 't worry . The people who love you will find you . Count on it . Life isn 't days and years . It 's what you do with time and with all the goodness and grace that 's inside you . Make a beautiful life . . . The kind of life you deserve . Whence spring these inclinations , rank and strong ? And harming no one , wherefore call them wrong ? Those are the words of an anonymous author from 1833 . It was written in defence of one Captain Nicholas Nicholls who was sentenced to death by hanging . His crime ? Sodomy . He was gay . In the society that I like to associate with , this is not a big deal . But back then , it clearly was . Over the last 150 plus years , the LGBT movements have come to the forefront of politics , social mindedness and water cooler discussions in a big way . 11 years ago , Ellen DeGeneres " came out " to the world as a whole on Oprah . Later , her character on the show Ellen did the same thing . From there on out ratings slid and the show was later cancelled . She went back to doing stand up and has since gotten herself a great talk show . She 's hilarious , she 's a great entertainer , and she 's gay . Big deal right ? Wrong . The other day , the California Supreme Court overturned a previous ban in the state and announced that henceforth , gay marriage was A - OK . This has sparked almost as much discussion in the media as the election and the war . After the Supreme Court announced their decision , Ellen used her show as a medium for an announcement of her own . She was getting married . . . . to Portia De Rossi . Cue the media storm ! Holy Shitballs . . . did she say she was marrying a chick ? What IS the world coming to ? In a recent article in Gaywired , one Wendy Wright was quoted comparing the marriage of Ellen to her lesbian partner to the shit storm that has become the polygamist compound in Texas . " We need to look at the consequences of that and we can look at the polygamy community in Texas . There are consequences . When you redefine marriage to mean anything it can mean nothing . Once you start breaking down and claim that marriage can be something other than between one man and one woman , you do open the doors to it being anything . " Seriously lady ? ? ! First of all . . . . . who was it that decided that marriage could ONLY be between man and woman ? Second . . . . how is this anything Maggie Over the past 3 years , 9 months and 2 weeks ( thank you Lilypie for the exact count ) , I have heard numerous times , from numerous sources , how CJ 's health issues could have been prevented . If only I had breastfed him , not fed him peanut butter so early , introduced solid foods more slowly , slept hanging upside down from a clothesline , spun in circles while in labour or eaten less garlic and onions while pregnant . I 'm sure you 'd be astonished to learn that all this expert advice came not from a doctor , but from mere strangers . Passersby on the street . People in waiting rooms . I cannot even begin to tell you how grateful I was to get this advice , this sage wisdom , all from people who have NO FREAKING IDEA what they 're talking about ! CJ is lactose intolerant , and has " sensitivities " ( they won 't classify them as allergies ) to tomatoes , oranges , pineapple , and strawberries . He also has asthma that we are finally able to control without multiple emergency hospital trips . I cannot even begin to describe the guilt that I saddled myself with , but suffice to say that the saddle is large enough for a sumo wrestler and his girlfriend to be quite comfortable lounging in . Could I have prevented some of these issues of his ? Possibly . But what fun would that be ? How boring would my life be if I had been the perfect parent that some of these others CLEARLY are and done nothing to jeopardize my spawn 's health . Well , I haven 't the faintest idea what I would do with myself from day to day . While there are times that I wish I could wind back the clock to the day he was born , and force my unwilling body to produce that much needed milk despite the infection it was already fighting , I am just completely unwilling to repeat the hundreds of sleepless nights and shitty diapers . So asthma it is . Suck it up people . What I did NOT know back then was that there was something I could have done to prevent all of this . I could have saved my son , myself and all these strangers a lot of time and advice giving if I had just done one thing . Dropped my son ofThis round of insanity brought to you by It 's been days since my last entry and I have no real excuse other than the fact that by some miracle Spring finally decided to grace us somewhat permanently with its presence . For the last three days , as proved by my sunburn , we have had beautiful weather . What astounds me is the number of people that pop out of their holes the minute the good weather hits . It 's rather like sitting on the flat lands and watching the Prairie Dogs pop up out of their burrows . If you 're ever looking for some quick entertainment , I highly recommend peoplewatching . As horrifying as seeing all those pasty , lily white legs emerge was , it made me smile . We spend so much of the year complaining about how cold or wet or windy it is , and then the second we have just the eensiest bit of sun , we get sunburned so we have something else to complain about . And of course , that sunburn is a long lasting investment . Think ahead to those days when you are the crazy cat lady or the crotchety old man sitting on your porch yelling at the kids and bitching about how you should have invested more in sunscreen . If you use your brains now , and slather it on , it will totally hamper your chances of a good chin wag in 50 years . So put the bottle down , back away slowly and head back out into the sun . I , on the other hand , take to hiding in my house . I do not deal well with heat . I think that perhaps in a past life I may have been a polar bear given my love of sleep and cold . My motto has always been something about how I can always add more layers to combat the chill , but if I were to take more layers OFF , I am likely to be arrested for gross public indecency . And that does no one any favours . Over the next few months you may very well hear more whining on my part about the heat while Hotty Hubby and the spawn frolic in the rays and the blistering heat ( which , for the record , is anything above 20C or 68F ) I should look and see if I have any relatives living in the Arctic . It 's a Monday , and like all Mondays I am lagging behind most of the world . As a result of this unexplainable lag , I find myself musing over various things , cruising the net when I could be cruising the house - cleaning - highway , and I find the strangest things sometimes . Take this for example . I 'm all for spending time with your spawn ( if you must ) and getting them involved in sports , but there are some people who take it to an extreme . And I can only imagine how the poor kid 's mother feels . " Woot ! My husband caught a foul ball . My life is now complete . The fact that he didn 't DROP MY CHILD ON HIS HEAD is merely a bonus . " This guy is probably the same guy who says he is " babysitting " when the children are in his care . Really , who the hell takes their baby to a baseball game , wearing a glove on one hand , with any hopes of catching a foul ball ? ! Obviously the answer is this guy . I don 't think Hotty Hubby would be brave enough to come home if he pulled a stunt like this . See more funny videos at CollegeHumorAnd then there 's this guy ( are we sensing a theme here yet ? ) . His parents must be proud . All the other boys make it over the itty bitty jump , but not their son . He decided to hinder his ability to ever procreate . This may be a good option . Note of interest : - The crowd watching this race doesn 't rush to his aid , instead they giggle . The other boys run OVER him probably while wincing to themselves . I don 't imagine he 's overly comfortable . See more funny videos at CollegeHumorJust a couple of things for you to mull over . Just over six and a half years ago , I was causing some concern in my little circle of friends . Hotty Hubby and others thought I was just a little bit crazy . They were right , of course , but not for the reasons they thought . I had been dreaming for weeks that I was walking down the road with a little girl . A blonde little girl . Strange , considering we had not yet had our spawn . Two weeks later , I peed on that stick that forever changed our lives . Considering the fact that Hotty Hubby and I had only been together for about 3 months , and the fact that he didn 't want children til he was closer to 30 , it took me 3 days to gather the courage to spring all sorts of wonderful on the man . Obviously , he stuck around . Whether he has ever regretted that decision is beyond me , but if my experiences with the hellions are anything to go by , chances are he 's considered the fact that trekking around Outer Siberia might occasionally be a better option . Before I was a mother , I used to judge a lot . Now ? Well . Those women you see in the shopping mall with two screaming children ? That 's me . The kids that throw sand in your kid 's face ? Those would be mine . They watch altogether too much tv , they eat way more crap than healthy stuff and they have an attitude that would rival the most devilish of teenagers . But they 're mine . They give me hugs and kisses at just the right moments , complete with snot trails and jammy fingers . They love almost unconditionally . I say almost because there are days when I wonder if they might walk out the door if I don 't get them that cookie . It 's been rather a rollercoaster of emotions for almost 6 years , and it 's been totally worth it . There is no better way to experience life than through the eyes of a child . It 's Mother 's Day today . A day devoted to me , my mother , my grandmother , and all of you other moms . My children have made breakfast in bed for me and I have some homemade surprise gifts sitting up waiting to be opened . I never thought I would be so thankful to see yet another piece of paper with handprintsMaggie Beautiful . Courageous . Willful . Strong . Steady . Those are just a few of the words that I have used to describe my mother over the years . That 's her up there in the picture . She 's on the left of her mom and little sister . Born to a military father in Toronto , Canada in 1953 , my mother is one of the most amazing people I know . She is the eldest of 3 girls and gave birth to two girls of her own . Because of my mom , I am the person I am today , like it or not . The good , the bad , and the ugly . . . . . we learned how to deal with it all because of the way my mom dealt with life . ( That 's mom at Circus World . ) In the late 80s , my mom suddenly found herself a single mom . I have known many people to end up in this position who don 't cope very well . Granted , I don 't remember much of those years , but from my perspective it was ok . We were ok . My mom looked after me , worked , went to school and held things together as best she could . Then she met a man who would take us away . She was so in love . He was a smooth British man in the Air Force who knew all the right things to say and he said them . I have pictures of my mom sitting in a field full of flowers and she looks so happy . I have always loved seeing my mom smile . She married that Englishman and we lived all over Europe . By the time I was 11 , I had a baby sister and got to see my mom do all the things she must have done with me , and more . She was gorgeous when she was pregnant . She was rather the size of a barge heffalump cow gloriously pregnant woman with a large baby inside her , but she seemed to take it all in stride as was her way . My mom helped me learn so much . I love to read . I remember that if I couldn 't immediately get an answer from mom or find her , chances were she was curled up with a book somewhere . I swear the woman would have lived in a bookstore given half a chance . Some of my best memories involve just sitting around with my mom - reading . As I got older , and became that hormonal , bitchy , moody , horrible teenager that I dread having in my own house , my mom dealt with meThis round of insanity brought to you by I climbed a mountain today . Not only did I climb it , but I reached the top and then dug away at it til it was gone . No more mountain . Take that Sir Edmund Hillary . Of course , when I say mountain , I am of course talking about Laundry Mountain . There are many mountains in this range but my house is built around just one . The size of this changes from day to day , and often from hour to hour , but it never ceases to amaze me how insurmountable the task of conquering it seems . I think that my neighbours are sneaking into my house in the middle of the night and piling clothes in my laundry room , dirty dishes on my kitchen counters and papers on every other available surface . There really can 't be any other explanation . The spawn are little neat freaks whose rooms are never out of order , Hotty Hubby has never been known to leave his socks and underwear on the floor and me , well I am like the not so famous version of Martha Stewart . I just cannot figure out how they are getting into the house . As I ran my 10th load of clothes through the machine ( yes yes , it 's been that long since I did any laundry ) , I had yet another load in the dryer doing it 's second round . There seems to be some sort of issue with the heating element ( ? ? ) and it takes 2 hours to dry one load of clothes . Bloody ridiculous if you ask me but at least it gives the gorilla that lives in my laundry room something to do . My goal today , given how much I adore goals and the impossibility of meeting them , was to get my entire house clean . For any normal person , this might be achievable . For me ? Far too many distractions . But I did my best . I even decided that for extra motivation , I would challenge a friend to a house cleaning race . This would have been fantastic if the traitorous wretch she hadn 't thrown me under the Molly Maid bus given up . Really Alison ? One kitchen and you think you 're done cleaning . Ha ! I laugh in the face of your intelligence . I honestly had no idea how much dust one cat could create . I have come to the conclusion that the basis of all my homeThis round of insanity brought to you by Oh my lovely readers , if you could be where I am today . Or rather , where I was today . Although many of my fellow countrymen are still buried under inches of snow , and freezing their nads off in the cold , the weather here on the Island tends to be , well , a little temperamental . And yet , even on the wettest days , it is still nice . Today , the weather forecast promised me sun . Did I get it ? No . Of course not . That would just be far too lovely . Instead , it rained . More to the point it drizzled . Nothing really worth getting the umbrella out for , but enough to make the grass too wet to sit on , the playgrounds too wet to play in and the swings to wet to swing in . Unless of course you have no objections to a wet ass . What is not too wet though , on a day like this , is the beach . Yes , that 's right , you heard me . Beach , beach , beach . I said it . And I 'll say it again - beach beach beach . A friend and I took our clan of kidlets down to the beach this morning to explore the rocks and the waves and the gross seaweed . The beach is phenomenal place in the wet weather . Little tiny crabs scurrying all over the beach , purple seaweed washed up everywhere , and beautifully exquisite driftwood arrangements . As the kids played in the waves and combed the beach for seashells , my friend and I busied ourselves snapping pictures . When you have four children between the ages of 3 and 6 , it can be incredibly difficult to get a good picture at times but when they are busy with that new shell or piece of beach glass , you get some amazing shots . Sadly , the endless drizzle wears on the patience of the adults and kids alike and after 40 minutes of wetness , and having seemingly acquired every glass and shell that the tide had washed up , we were all ready to leave . We decided to brave the fast fading fuses ( oooh alliteration ) of the kidlets and go in search of ice cream . Clearly not the best plan we 've ever had . Nor was the plan to go to McPuke 's to obtain said cold treat . I have recently discovered that when the young Barbie dolls at the golden arches doThis round of insanity brought to you by As I sat here this afternoon and tried desperately to continue working on my book , I found myself distracted by just about everything else around me . After losing interest in staring out the window , I turned to those little fliers that come with the local free paper twice a week . I don 't actually read the articles in the paper most of the time , if I 'm interested in the news , I 'll read it online . But the fliers hold a special place in my heart . I am not a shopper . I can happily walk through a mall and only venture into one or two stores . If there is something that I am looking for , I 'd like to be in and out as fast as possible . Of course , this philosophy goes right out the window if you take me into a shop that sells yarn , but that is beside the point . So I 'm sitting around shuffling through this pile of fliers ( have you ever noticed how much junk we get with our papers now ? ) and I notice they 're all labeled with something along the lines of " Perfect for Mom ! " . I 'd like to know just who determines what is perfect for me . Perhaps I could spend some time with this person . Sure , there 's the fliers that are full of jewelery , but the majority of it runs in the thousands of dollars and frankly Hotty Hubby is not the jewelery buying type . The rest of it though , is housewares . I 'd like to meet the woman who would happily smile and appreciate the new broom and dustpan set that her husband took the kids out to buy . Oh ! A new apron . You shouldn 't have . Really . I 'm a firm believer that unless a woman specifically asks for a household cleaning item for their birthday , Mother 's Day or Christmas , that you should not take it upon yourself to purchase it . And even if it has been requested , there should be verification sought at least twice a week until the time comes to purchase . For instance , I once requested an upright vacuum cleaner for Christmas . You 'd think the bottom had fallen out of Hotty Hubby 's world . Was he brave enough to follow through ? At the time , my mother was visiting and he was able to seek reassurance from her that This round of insanity brought to you by
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As my third and final pregnancy comes to a close , it is with mixed emotions . I am so excited and happy to meet this little girl . I still in amazement and so incredibly grateful that I was able to get pregnant one last time . I truly never thought I would ever get pregnant again after all of the trouble we had to go through to get our first two . It was only through a great many changes made by Hubs and me , but especially Hubs , over the last couple of years that this miracle is even possible . be done . Heaven knows I LOVE being pregnant . I love the idea of a new life growing inside of me . I don 't care if it was my first pregnancy or my 100th , it is truly incredible . I am so glad to be a woman , and the bearer of new life . at night . Yep , I 've been having to throw up nightly for the last 8 + weeks . 8 x 7 = 56 straight nights of throne worshiping just to keep from it longer than we dared hope . We thought we would be lucky to make it to 36 weeks , and with my already being high risk for rupture , that was all we were counting on . With just a month to go , we decided with the high risk OB and my regular OB that things looked so good , we could make At my 19 week anatomy scan with our high risk doctor , she noticed some scarring at the bottom of my uterus . When she asked if I knew what it was from , I told her I assumed it was from the D & C I had after Sweet Pea was born because of retained placenta . To err on the side of caution , my doctor did an internal sono for a cervix check . This was when we discovered that I had a funneling cervix , which means that instead of being nice and tightly closed , the top part of my cervix was opening up , leaving my functional cervix at a scarily short length . I was immediately put on modified bed rest . The funny thing was before we found that out , I had asked if I could be released to my regular OB for the remainder of my pregnancy so we could follow the same protocol as we had with Sweet Pea , which was monthly sonos to check the weak spot of my uterus for signs of potential rupture . After seeing the funneling cervix , I became a higher high risk patient . I then had to go back every two weeks for growth and cervix checks . Some weeks were better than others . But at my 21 - week checkup , things had gotten noticeably worse and I was put on strict bed rest for the duration . For a couple of months we kept hoping that things would improve enough that we could still go on the vacation we had planned to Cancun . As the day got closer , things looked less and less likely . Four weeks before we were supposed to fly away for a sunny and much needed vacation , we had to cancel our plans . Bed rest hasn 't been easy on anyone . Hubs basically became a single father of three , having to do and be everything for everyone . Instead of having a spouse to help him , he got to go it alone : get the kids up and ready for school and out the door , feed everyone , clean the house , mow the lawn , do all of the grocery shopping , everything . He has handled it all with amazing grace . He barley complained over the last few months about how he had to step up and do everything . He hardly said anything even in the beginning when he had hurt his back really bad while putting down Sweet Pea a few days before I got put on bed rest . He picked and chose what was important and what wasn 't , and I chose to let go of the things he didn 't want to do or didn 't do the way I do them . He decided that spending time with his family was more important than trying to keep up with cleaning the house and hired a maid service . This also served to keep me from going insane looking at a messy house and to keep me on my backside , because he knows if things drive me crazy enough , I WILL do them on my own . He has done all he can to make sure I staid off my feet and reclined as much as he possibly can . You want to know what a serious Husband / Father of the Year Candidate looks like ? That would be my husband . I don 't feel like I can show my appreciation enough , and heaven knows I try ! was concerned . I had just wrapped up all of my projects and was in a low tide phase while new products were in the R & D phase . I am fortunate in my career choice , but also in my employer , or rather manager and coworkers . My managers have been amazing and accommodating . They were friends before they were managers , and as far as I 'm concerned , our relationships are still friends before coworkers . They were all so supportive and caring . When I found out I was pregnant back in November , one of the first things I told Hubs was that if this pregnancy was good , we were done . Then the pregnancy got scary and kept taking on new levels of high risk . When I got put on bed rest , we knew we were done . Done , done , done after the baby was born . I kept meaning to tell my regular OB that I wanted to have my tubes tied when baby Jackpot was delivered , but kept forgetting . At my appointment a few weeks ago , she asked me if that was part of our plan . My reaction surprised me . She asked how long this had been my plan , and I told her ( through my tears ) since I was in high school . But it was cemented once the pregnancy was good . Hubs and I had talked about this many times over the past few months , and every time we hit a new level of high risk , we knew this was the choice we had to make . She told me if it was a choice I had made in the past few weeks due to being uncomfortable or emotional , she would not perform the procedure , but because it was something that was always the plan , she would do it for us . Then she told me they don 't tie tubes anymore because they are link to a 70 % higher chance of ovarian cancer . Instead , they perform a fimbriectomy where they cut the tubes off completely now . I 'm still not sure if I 'm going to go through with the fibriectomy . It is so final and completely irreversible . I know we won 't get pregnant again because we 're done having babies , and because it just wouldn 't be wise . But there is a part of me that is just struggling with the permanence of the procedure . However , we will have to prevent somehow and there are very few options that we are okay with . The ones we are okay with are not 100 % foolproof . So I have a big decision to make before I head down to deliver baby Jackpot . Because the past almost 10 years my life has been about building my family . Because for my whole life , my existence revolved around growing up and having babies , building a family , and now that chapter is coming to a close . There is so much more beyond that , but it would take me days to get into it and write it all out . The bottom line is the purpose of my life is changing from building my family to simply raising my family . My baby - making journey is over . Its kind of a hard pill to swallow . No more babies after this . I love being pregnant , but I won 't get to be pregnant again . This chapter of my life , of being young and fertile is closing . Now I need to focus solely on raising my kids , and not making more . months have gone . I can 't believe we are actually here . It is so bittersweet . I finally have the three babies I always wanted . My family is complete . This chapter was almost 10 years in the making , and now it is closing so a new one can begin . I FINALLY made it to the second trimester ! Let me tell you , that first trimester was a doozy ! It was by far the scariest first trimester of all three of my pregnancies . On the upside , because I am considered " AMA " ( Advanced Maternal Age ) , I was given the option to DNA testing at our NT scan a couple of weeks ago . Of course I jumped at the opperchancity ! I wasn 't worried about the baby having any chromosomal issues , but getting to know the sex of your baby with 100 % certainty at 13 weeks is pretty stinking awesome . Everyone feels bad for Hubs , being stuck in a house full of girls . But he actually preferred another girl . We already have two so he knows how to parent girls , and we already have everything for a girl . He 's a very logical man . Little Bean was very excited of course , and Sweet Pea couldn 't care less yet . Hubs and Little Bean already picked out Baby Jackpot 's name , and I was outvoted . Why should I have any say , right ? I mean , I AM just the gestational carrier making a person out of food here . So what else has been happening lately ? Well , a couple of months back , I got my little brother a job where I work and he was relocated here to Texas ! Of course it was a good thing for me , but not so much for the rest of my family . They all miss him very much , especially my parents . For the last few years , he has been a HUGE help to my parents . But everyone knew he needed to move on and start a life of his own . So far his transition hasn 't been easy . He 's homesick . He misses the my family , the mountains , and his friends . I keep telling him it will get better . Right now he 's still in a holding pattern . That will all change later this week when he closes on his first house ! Of course he 's pretty apprehensive about that too . Who wouldn 't be ? Once he moves in and makes the house his own , I feel like he 'll start to feel a little more settled . Over time , he will make friends , and he 'll start to feel more at home here . I know first hand how hard it is to pack up your life and leave everything and everyone you 've ever known . Even if you really want it , like I did , its still hard at first . My husband sure loves having my brother here . Hubs likes very few people . There are even fewer people who he likes to hang out with . My brother is a definite exception . Since my bro moved here , those two go to the gym together 3 - 4 times a week . They go rock climbing with Little Bean . My husband has said that even though my brother is only going to live a couple of miles away , he wish he was closer , for selfish reasons . I love how well those two get along , and I love how much my husband likes my brother . Now he has someone to go hang out with , someone to go do things with , somewhere to go to get out of the house every now and then . My girls and dogs really love having him here too . Something else that was exciting about my brother moving here is I got a referral bonus . I used it to finally replace our old couch and love seat that I hated . ( We gave them to my brother [ he he ] ) . I bought us some sweet leather reclining sofas , cause I 'm awesome like that ! Next up , a new car ! My sedan just isn 't big enough to accommodate another car seat and other people , such as my brother . I already know what I want , I 'm just waiting for my annual bonus from work . That and I want to enjoy the car I have right now for as long as I can . I really love my car . I 'm going to have a hard time trading it in . If only it had one more row of seats ! Well , I suppose that is it for me tonight . Everyone should be home from the gym soon , and then the bedtime routing kicks into full gear . Posted by It may be temporary , but I have been thinking about getting back into blogging for a long time . Why would it be temporary , you ask ? We 'll get to that in a bit . Obviously a LOT has happened since I last blogged . Sweet Pea has grown so much . She is still the amazing little joy she has always been . She is so happy and laid back . Everyone who meets her , loves her . She has switched daycares , which was a rough transition for her , her old sitter , and me . We LOVED her old sitter , but the plan was always to move her over to the same daycare as her sister once Little Bean started Kindergarten ( ahhhh ! ) . The teachers at her current daycare just LOVE her . They send home notes regularly to tell me how much they love having her in their class and what a joy she is . She is a little snuggle bug , she still giggles when she pets the animals , and she loves to play chase . We were so blessed with such an easy - going little girl . Little Bean started Kindergarten in the fall . In fact , she will be 6 next month already ! Where has the time gone ? ! I can 't believe it . She is a big sister . She is a huge help with Sweet Pea and around the house . She is learning to cook , and loves to learn new skills . She can be a little dramatic , but she balances it out with her great big heart . But do you want to know our most exciting news ? Remember over a year ago when Sweet Pea was born my OB asked what we wanted to do for birth control and I laughed at her and told her Hubs and I were both infertile , and that if we got pregnant God must really want us to have that baby , and that our chances of getting pregnant were as good as winning the lottery ? Well , I guess God really wanted us to add another member to our family ! Baby , we hit the jackpot ! Hubs and I were completely shocked . We honestly never thought we would get pregnant on our own . I was perfectly happy and content with our family of four . After Sweet Pea was born , I no longer had the crazy urge to add to my family anymore . When I would ask the girls if they wanted another sibling , both of them would say no . I thought we were done . Then one night I had a sneaking suspicion . . . . I wasn 't sure , but I knew anything was possible . The next morning , I took a dollar store test and got this : I was in total shock ! I didn 't know how to tell Hubs , especially because the night before he had told me he was burned out on all of us . The girls had been super fussy all day and I had been really b * * * * y for the past couple of weeks ( now I knew why ! ) . I didn 't blame him at all . But this was the first time I didn 't immediately tell him we were expecting . Instead , I sat on it all day and decided to write him a letter telling him how much I love and appreciate him and what a wonderful father he is . Then I followed it up with pictures saying we would need another chair at our table and we 'd need to get the baby carseat carrier out of the attic because our family was about to grow by two feet . His reaction was the best one yet ! He read the letter , smiled , looked at me and said , " Oh yeah ? ! " I just cried and nodded . The next few weeks were scary . There were a few times I thought for sure we had lost the baby . I had bright red bleeding , I had period - like bleeding , and I passed clots . Yet somehow , this little miracle was unaffected by it all . We had our first sono at 6 weeks and I got to see my baby and hear the heartbeat . I just cried . I had bleeding again at 7 weeks , again , a sono showed the baby was fine . At 9 weeks we went to the ER with bleeding and then went to the OB two days later with more bleeding . At the OB , I got to see my sweet little Jackpot move . After that visit , the bleeding and spotting stopped . The last two weeks have been so uneventful that that worried me . But yesterday , Sweet Pea got to go to the doctor with me , and while she sat on my chest , the doctor did a sono and we got to see baby Jackpot . For some reason , it was at yesterday 's visit that the reality of this baby finally hit me . They say parents are excited with their first two babies , but after # 2 , the magic wears off . Not for this mama . This pregnancy is every bit as exciting and miraculous as the first two . I am so blissfully happy and excited . I thank God every day for this little miracle . Like the first two , I am not taking one second for granted . This pregnancy is a little bittersweet though , because it will be our last . I have decided we will prevent after this one is born . Its kind of sad to think that our family building days are almost done , but Hubs and I are getting too old to keep making more , and you don 't even want to know what our daycare bill is going to look like ! Honestly , I always wanted three kids . I was okay with one , totally content with two , but secretly wished for three . My sweet little family is about to grow by two feet . We are so blessed . The miracle is not lost on us . We look forward to welcoming little Baby Jackpot .
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Leave a reply Within 100 yards of my house are 2 drainage ponds . They are full of scum , trash , weeds and clogged drains . Soon they will morph into a breeding ground for millions of mosquitoes and the diseases they transmit . You would think those fools in the building department would be involved , as I am sure the owners have a responsibility to keep these cesspools clean and functional . They are much more interested in making sure a 70 year old man spends his Saturday on his belly stuffing chicken wire under a fence to protect his dog which was put at risk by their ridiculous and outright incorrect enforcement of a lame drainage statute . My Alderperson responded , at least , even tough it was lame and insulting - prepared by " staff " as they say . The Mayor 's office didn 't even bother to give me a blow - off response . Totally ignored me . Leave a reply Oh what I would give to see That Look just one more time ! This was the look I would see when he was tired of waiting for me . Most of the time I would see it when he was ready to go home and I was still working . Somehow he managed to look a little bit disgusted , while still being patient with the old man . I could never resist him and we would leave in short order . In some ways , 4 weeks is a long time and in other ways very short . His presence is still so real , I see him every day in his usual places . Hopefully , that will dissipate with time . His death has shot a hole in my soul the size of a bazooka . Nothing seems to make a lot of difference . I don 't even get mad any more , forget about laughing . As I was telling someone this week , the pain is expected and worth the 11 wonderful years he gave me . I 'm getting tired of this totally hollow feeling . Time will tell . 7 Replies I woke up yesterday morning with a sense of dread which I don 't recall ever experiencing . For about a year and a half we have been battling renal failure with JayJay . He had been doing quite well , sometimes to the point we felt like maybe we were going to defeat this insidious disease . Kidney failure , however , doesn 't work that way . At best , you can hope to delay the inevitable and we did so very successfully for a while . A few weeks ago he began to exhibit signs of a serious decline . Over the last few days he had lost all interest in food and now he wouldn 't even take his water . I knew that his time was very short and this would probably be his last day . As we had thousands of times , we took a long morning walk , except this time I had to carry him as he just didn 't have the strength to go more than a few yards . He was always comfortable in my arms and I know he enjoyed his last trip through the neighborhood . We had over a year with JayJay after the diagnosis , which many owners of dogs with this disease never have . For that I am grateful . It was 10 years ago last December when Carol and I decided to get a dog . It was a gift from my mother . We each had friends that suggested a Cairn . Frankly , neither one of us had ever heard of that breed , but it was small and didn 't shed a lot . We found a breeder south of Chicago and went in and saw four or five of the plainest looking puppies you could possibly imagine . One little guy actually walked over to us and he was the one that would change our lives forever . I remember Carol saying , " but he 's not cute " . She was right ! Little did we know what a handsome animal he would become . This first picture is one of my favorites as he began to morph from that plain brown puppy to the beautiful animal he ultimately became . What a cute little fur ball he was . I own a computer repair store and JayJay has greeted my customers , literally , since the day we opened . Not even the most hardened and irritated customer could ever resist petting him . Even the most skittish child quickly warmed up to him . It was fun to watch and I can 't imagine any dog giving more people more smiles than this little guy did in a life that was much , much too short . I can 't tell you how many times I would get a call and people were trying to remember which store they had been to and they all asked me if I was the one with the cute little dog . I always proudly said yes that 's us . I can 't say I was particularly thrilled being known as the old computer guy with the cute dog , but at least they remembered us . It was amazing how many times people walked in , totally frustrated with a computer problem and they would ask about JayJay before we talked computers . Everyone loved him and he always returned their love . Like all terriers , he was as stubborn as a mule , but to those of us that love the breed it is this independence that makes them so endearing . Others just don 't understand . I remember my youngest son saying he didn 't think JayJay understood anything I said . As I told him , he understands every word he 's ignoring . I don 't remember exactly when this next picture was made , but it 's a view I frequently had as JayJay had seen something and he was anxiously anticipating the next visitor . ( Look at those ears ! ) Maybe it was the UPS driver , the mailman , one of his friends in the neighborhood or a customer for the shop . Whoever it was , they were about to receive a greeting that they would never get anywhere else . To those that are familiar with terriers , I 'm sure they are surprised to see JayJay sitting at a door like that . Most dogs would be running out as soon as someone tried to come in . Not JayJay , he knew he had a good gig here and was more than willing to let people come to him . He seemed to have so few of the traits that can make this breed so very difficult to manage at times . He was kind of a celebrity here in the business complex and people got used to seeing me walk him nearly every day . If I would have let him , he would have stopped to visit everyone and I never would have gotten any work done . He loved his treats and knew where to go to get them . I 'm not the only one that will miss this little guy . He had a lot of friends . In some ways this next picture is a little sad , but it is so JayJay . He hated all the things that went along with being sick . I gave him IVs three times a week since the dreaded diagnosis . As soon as we walked in the door to the house after work he would try to make himself as invisible as possible so he wouldn 't have to get the treatment . As smart as he was , he didn 't understand the calendar and on those nights that he wasn 't to get a treatment it took a little while to convince him to come join us . Sometimes he would go out and sit in the yard hoping , I guess , that we would forget . Amazingly , I could call him and telling him it was time for his treatment and he would slowly walk in the house and sit quietly on my lap while I put the needle in and gave him the treatment . After we would finish , I would tell him we were done and he would jump off my lap , walk to the end of the couch and wag his tail as if to say that 's okay , Dad , I understand you have to do that . On some level , I know he did . I had to give him Aluminum Hydroxide as a phosphorus binder . He also hated that . We went through the same dance nearly every day . I would tell him it was time for his medicine and he would come , but he was not going to make it easy ! I would gradually get his mouth open enough to get the syringe in and give him the medicine . Inevitably , not all of it would make it and he would do the cairn shake and get the stuff all over me and the office . I can 't bring myself to clean it all up . We went to the shop yesterday morning , as we did most every day . As I had done recently , I set him down close to the door and let him walk in . It was a beautiful day here and there was a breeze blowing and , as he frequently did , he put his nose up in the air to smell the world . You could always tell it excited him and even in his very weakened condition he stood there for a few seconds and enjoyed it as he had so often . It was a wonderful memory that he gave me , shortly before we had to take him to the Rainbow Bridge . I just know everyone will love him on the other side of the bridge as much as they did on this side . Whether dogs or people , they all seemed to love JayJay . I have many stories about JayJay , that will make me smile in the coming years . That 's what he was about . Two small incidents stand out right now . I recall taking him to his vet for his initial checkup and after examining him , Dr . Martens said " this little fella hasn 't got a mean bone in his body " . She 'll never give a more accurate diagnosis ! The other incident was a brief remark from one of my customers that I never expected - " he 's got a good soul " . There was just something about JayJay and you could nearly feel it . Leave a reply I said I just got a new Solitaire game for my iPad which has something really neat . There is a light that flashes not winnable when you reach the point in the game that it 's uh … . not winnable . I got to thinking wouldn 't it have been great to have that kind of button during my lifetime . I think of those times like I went to work for Position Technologies Inc . in Geneva , Illinois . How I could have used that light then ! Nothing ever seemed right and it resulted in five of the worst years of my life working for James F Stob and his partner . There was another time when I was introduced to a new boss at Mellon Bank , Mr . Joe Banko , CPA . This is one of those times that actually I saw the not winnable flash in front of me because the very first time I met him I knew not knew that he was nothing more than a lying bully . Just like virtually every other CPA I 've ever met . Wormy little cretins that use numbers to intimidate and bully people to achieve their nefarious goals . I saw recently where he was again promoted and I 'm not surprised . These are the kind of people running our banks and destroying our economy . . There was another time when we built our house in St . Charles . This was a time when the housing industry was booming and every person that knew which end of a hammer to hold or could guess which end one out of two times was building homes . We ended up going with St . Charles homes Inc . , which was owned and run by a former schoolteacher . I guess you don 't have to be a genius to see the not winnable flashing there do you ? Well I didn 't and we have paid and paid and paid and paid . There are many other times that I 'm sure I should have heeded the not winnable , but there are also those times when you are forced into a situation like I was with Job Banko and St . Charles Homes and I knew the inevitable result . I was forced into a corner by the situation . I 'll go to my grave regretting those times and wondering if I shouldn 't have been able to figure out some way out of a situation that was going to cause great pain to both me and my family . Leave a reply Yesterday , I turned off Colin Cowherd and started listening to music . I can 't recall ever turning off ESPN because I was totally disgusted . However , as Cowherd droned on and on and on about Martha Burk and the two new members of Augusta National Golf Club , it was more than I could endure . Here 's the way the New York Times reported the infamous rally at Augusta in 2003 : Vastly outnumbered by police officers and reporters , Burk spoke to a group of about 40 supporters in a five - acre lot authorized by Augusta city officials as the principal protest site . She made references to the fact that she had been denied permission to demonstrate directly outside the club , but said that she would not participate in , or encourage , an illegal protest near the Augusta National gate . If I recall correctly , the reporters outnumbered the protesters by about 10 to 1 . I hate bullies . And Martha Burk is one of the worst kind . If those guys in Augusta want to have a Pompous Old Bastard Men 's Club , then they have every right to do so . I kept hearing this was the right or moral thing to do . Bull Shit . It 's nothing more than political correctness forced down our throats by the press . Back to my music … .
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Starting out with a name I don 't remember is a lot of fun . It 's like an unwrapped present . I 'm so excited to see what I 'm going to get . His birthday is interesting . 9 September 1911 . That 's a lot of nines . And when I look at the date , it makes me think of September 11 . He 's a Virgo like my mom . Oh , I guess Tracey is a Virgo too . Then there 's Dave . He 's a Virgo . . . and my grandpa . It seems I have a lot of Virgos in my life . Anymore out there ? Raise your hand . This website says this about the Virgo . Virgo governs critical analysis , intellectual subtlety and service . Virgo people are inclined to be practical and industrious , yet adaptable , with a remarkable eye for detail . Tracey , you did say you notice things left on tables . That 's a detail , right ? I know Virgos are also known to be very critical . My mom fits that trait quite well . I can say that because I don 't think she reads my blog . But just in case she decides to read this entry . . . Hi Mom ! I love you ! It 's okay if you 're critical because I 'm being critical about you being critical . So that makes me critical too . Okay . I just noticed something weird . Gorton is the 19th Prime Minister . There 's that nine again . Ah ! I 'm writing this entry in 2009 . And I 'm writing this entry at 9 : 19 in the morning . Okay , I 'm actually not . But wouldn 't it be eerie if I was ? Would you guys get major goosebumps ? Gorton 's numerology number is NOT 9 . It 's 3 . That 's the social number . This website says this about the 3 : You are witty , possess a gift for gab and savor the limelight . I guess they would make good actors . Would they make a good Prime Minister ? He was born in Melbourne . Lord Wiki says he was illegitimate . I 've just decided that I hate that term . What ? Having a father that 's married to your mother makes you more legitimate ? I think I prefer the term bastard . That word has a lovely ring to it . His father was John Rose Gorton . He was an orange orchardist . Yum . Oranges are what I craved during my pregnancy . They were like my crack . One day at preschool we made orange juice with the kids . I just wanted to grab all the oranges and eat them all . Daddy Gorton and his wife Kathleen emigrated from South Africa . They broke up and Gorton got together with Alice Sinn . She died in 1920 from Tuberculosis . Gorton would have been about nine when he lost his mother . Lord Wiki says young Gorton went to live with his father 's estranged wife and his half - sister . I 'm confused . What happened to Daddy Gorton . Was he there too ? Or did he die as well ? If Daddy Gorton was still alive and part of the picture , how did he convince Kathleen to let him back into their lives ? I 'm trying to picture if Tim left me for another woman and ended up having a baby . What would I do if the woman died ? I can imagine if both of them died , I 'd feel obligated to take the kid . I mean if no one else was going to take the baby . . . . . I couldn 't let Jack 's half sibling go to an orphanage . But if Tim was still alive , I 'm not sure I 'd let him back into my life . I 'd perhaps send my condolences for his loss though . Maybe I 'd send the child a Christmas present every so often . Kathleen lived in Sydney so Gorton ended up going to school at Sydney Church of England Grammar School . Lord Wiki says he also went to Geelong Grammar School . Was that after Sydney Church of England Grammar School ? Did he return to Victoria ? Or was that before his mother died and all that ? I thought he was born in Melbourne . Oh well . Maybe he went to boarding school in Geelong . For his university studies , Gorton went to Oxford . He studied history , politics , and economics . Well , that 's a good mix for a future Prime Minister . He also took flying lessons there and got his piloting license . His wife is American ! He met her during his college years while holidaying in Spain . They got married in 1935 and took over Gorton 's father 's orchard . This was in Kerang Victoria . I need to look this up on the map . I 'm trying to get a handle on all of this . According to Lord Wiki , Gorton was born in Melbourne . So , this must be where Alice lived . So , how was this orchard three hours away ? Maybe Daddy Gorton bought it later ? Maybe when Alice died , he rushed off to buy an orchard up north and sent his son to his ex - wife . In 1942 , he was injured in a war plane crash . It doesn 't sound too extreme . Well , I guess it was kind of bad . He injured his face . But that 's better than death . And his face looks okay in Lord Wiki 's photo . Well , his nose is a little crooked . He 's still fairly handsome though . Yikes . That wasn 't his only scary war experience . His ship the Derrymore was attacked by the Japanese . The ship was abandoned and Gorton spent a day on a liferaft in shark infested waters . Plus , he didn 't have a lot of drinking water . I 'm glad he was rescued fast . He was in another plane crash and was lost in the bush for a few days . Then another time his plane engine failed when he was about to take off . His aircraft flipped . Gorton fortunately wasn 't hurt . Before the war , Gorton had been a member of the Country Party . After the war , he was elected senator for the Liberal Party . He served under Menzies and Holt . He had a lot of Minister roles : Minister for the Navy , Minister for Works , Minister for the Interior , and Minister for Education . When Holt mysteriously drowned , there was that whole leadership thing . McMahon was supposed to be Prime Minister . McEwen said no way . McEwen became Prime Minister with the understanding that when the Liberal Party voted in a new leader , he 'd be out . I think I got that right . I hope . He supported the Vietnam War . . . . which began to make him drop in popularity . My parents were just in Vietnam . I 've been looking at all their photographs . As Gorton became less popular , the Labor party began to be a threat . McMahon challenged his leadership . The catch was McEwen forbid the whole McMahon - as - leader thing . But then McMewen retired , and McMahon was free to become leader . Ah ! Malcolm Fraser had a fit about Gorton . He retired as Defense Mechanism . During his resignation speech , Fraser said Gorton wasn 't fit to hold the great office of Prime Minister . I have to say I feel a little bad for Gorton . I mean it might be true , but still . . . . Those are some pretty hurtful words . That 's why I 'd never go into politics . I 'm way too sensitive . Gorton called a Liberal Party meeting to settle the whole issue . It seems he had them vote on whether they thought he was a good leader or not . There was a tie . Gorton said that wasn 't a vote of confidence and threw in the towel . McMahon became leader . Gorton didn 't walk away with his tail between his legs . He got himself the role of Deputy Prime Minster and Defense Minister . A few months later , McMahon fired him for disloyalty . I love Holt , McMahon , McEwen , and Gorton . They 're awesome . Fascinating . Fraser and Whitlam too . I love this whole time period . If I had to pinpoint my favorite Aussie history time , this might have to be it . When Labor came into Power ( Whitlam , right ? ) , Gorton was in the Shadow Ministry . Then he resigned and became an independent . He did not like Fraser becoming Prime Minister . He passionately hated him . And he denounced the Whitlam dismisall . I 'm going to look at the National Archives of Australia Prime Minister Site . It has a picture . He is a bit unusual looking , but not bad . Someone did a pretty good job at fixing his face . Okay . Now I 'm getting more childhood stuff . Daddy Gorton and Alice had TWO kids . Our John was the second . This website talks about the older sister , Ruth ( who Lord Wiki mentioned as a half sister ) . She moved off to South Africa eventually . Was she Alice 's child , or Kathleen 's ? I 'm confused . There was a rumor that Ruth died in infancy , but she didn 't . I wonder how that rumor began . The site says that Gorton was born in Prahran . It 's in Melbourne and a lot of gay people live there . It 's a trendy type place . At least that 's what Lord Wiki says . I 'm going to have to learn all these Melbourne neighborhoods . I wonder if I 'll love Melbourne as much as Sydney . I 'm starting to feel a little twitch in my heart . That might be become some of my favorite bloggers are from Melbourne . I can 't help but fall in love with it . At some point , Gorton 's father told him he had been born in Wellington New Zealand . This is the birthplace he wrote down when applying to Oxford and RAAF . Interesting . Can you become Prime Minister if you weren 't born in Australia ? Gorton spent a lot of time with his maternal grandparents . They lived in Melbourne . His parents traveled a lot on business trips . Later , when Gorton five , the family moved to Sydney . Now I 'm getting more information about what happened to Gorton after his mom died . His father did leave him with Kathleen . And I guess Ruth was their daughter . Gorton had been told she had died in infancy . But surprise ! She was still alive . When he was sixteen , Ruth and Kathleen moved to London . Gorton did boarding school at the Sydney Church of England Grammar School . I can 't tell if this was before or after they left . Sometime after they left , Gorton moved to Victoria . He did boarding school in Geelong . He says this was the happiest of his school years . While there , he visited the homes of the unemployed in Geelong . What he saw influenced his life and carried over into his political career . The website says in his political career he was very anti - communist . And he was a Cold War warrior . That sounds like some kind of action hero . It kind of rolls off the tongue weird though . I think they 'd need to nickname him CCW . No . That doesn 't sound good either . . . . Gorton pushed some marital law through the senate . The website says if it had passed , his parents would have been allowed to marry . I think it 's about the grounds for divorce . Maybe Daddy Gorton couldn 't divorce Kathleen and that 's why he never married Alice . I guess Kathleen wasn 't good enough as a wife , but she was good enough to raise Daddy Gorton 's child . Gorton was hard - working , but kept to his own interests in politics . He wasn 't well known outside his circles . Then in October 1967 something happened that increased his popularity . Holt had some troubles involving VIP planes . There was some missing information that made the party look suspicious . Gorton found the information and saved the day . I THINK I 'm getting that right . When he was Prime Minister , some people accused Gorton of being a one man band . My dad was like that with meals when we 're all at their lake house . He wanted to do all the work himself . Sometimes it 's easier to do all the work rather than enlisting help from others . You lose a lot of control if you do the latter . But I think most people WANT to help . They want to be involved . Gorton sounds like a very fun man . The website says , Political commentators and his Coalition colleagues often referred to the ' Gorton style ' . They noted his friendly and relaxed manner , his approachability , irreverence , random brusqueness and perennial candour , his tendency to speak ' off the cuff ' , to be unorthodox and unpredictable ( to those who did not know him ) , and his careless habits of dress , the cigarette always in his hand and the jaunty grin . He did get in trouble for his adventures with the opposite sex . He had a very late night with a female journalist that caught people 's attention . Who knows what he was doing with her in the wee hours of the morning . It might have been innocent . But when a married man is with a woman that late at night , it looks suspicious . At least I think so . As for the Indigenous Issues . He supported assimilation . He was against land rights because he feared it would promote separatism . I think I 've mentioned this before , but I support assimilation . I don 't support the type of assimilation where everyone adopts the culture of white men . No way . I like the idea of many people coming together . They maintain aspects of their original culture , but at the same time though , a general culture is shared by everyone . The idealism of assimilation can cost lives though . I 'm reading a book now about the Holocaust and Australia . A lot of Jews were rejected from Australia because certain people worried they wouldn 't assimilate enough . I think there ARE Jews who don 't assimilate . They live in their own special world , like the Amish . But most of us DO assimilate . It might not be always to the point if intermarriage , but we don 't stick to only our kind . My feeling is those in need should be allowed into a new country . . . rescued . They shouldn 't be rejected because they might not assimilate . But once in the country , these rescued people should assimilate . . . . at least a little . They can keep their language and culture . But I think they should become fluent in the language of the country they live in . And I think they should adopt part of the culture . Then in return the dominant culture should borrow from the new cultures . Of course with that in mind , I 'd have to fault the First Fleet folks . They should have taken up the Aboriginal languages and culture . I guess it was impossible since there was no one dominant language . And many of the white folks did try to learn some of the language . That was good of them . Gorton wanted to restrict immigration from outside Europe . It seems he felt Europeans would assimilate better . The sad thing about the book , I 'm reading , is the Jews were often not counted as being European ; even though they were born and raised in Europe . But that was a different time period . . . . decades before Gorton was in power . I wonder what he would have done if he HAD been in power in the 1940 's . Reading the book really makes me angry at the people who are anti - Israel . The Jews were killed by the Europeans . Then the Americans and Australians would take only very small quantities . Where the hell were the Jews supposed to go ? I 'm not saying I support what the Jews do to the Palestinians . They 're far from perfect . But when people are against the actual state of Israel . . . . . There 's a HUGE difference between being against Israeli Policies and being against Israel 's existence . I have respect for the former . I have none for the latter . Back to Gorton . I love this quote from the website . Two views have emerged about the reasons for Gorton 's fall . One was that Gorton destroyed himself by being too much his own man . Another was that conservative Liberals brought him down because they were unable to accept necessary change , and were assisted by a virulent press campaign against the Prime Minister . When a lot of people are against you , it 's easy to begin to think you MUST be wrong . The power of conscensous can make someone feel very small . But sometimes the lonely one is NOT the wrong one . It says here that he voted against himself when he asked the Liberals to vote whether or not they wanted him to remain as leader . You know . . . . I think I remember reading about that when I researched McMahon . Actually , I think that 's why I added Gorton to my list . I wanted to know more about this guy who voted against himself . The website lists legislation that occurred during his Ministry . One of them was the Maritime Conversion Act of 1970 . This was when Australia changed to the metric system . . . leaving America alone in the dark ages . Before we visited Australia in 2007 , I thought it had always used the metric system . A lonely old security guard set me straight . This obituary talks about how Gorton was both a Nationalist and a Centralist . He shared my love for Australia . And he believes the whole of Australia should come before the individual states . The obituary says , in some respects , he behaved more like a reforming Labor leader than a conservative . Maybe that 's why he was unpopular in the party . Later , ( much later ) the Liberal party embraced him , realizing he wasn 't such a bad PM after all . I like him . He 's not perfect . I don 't like everything about him . But if I was going to divide my research victims into people I like and people I dislike , he 'd be in the smiley face category . He begins by saying , There has been a good deal of confusion of thought as to why we went to war , and as to what we can reasonably expect as the result of our military victory . We did not go to war to make a new and better world . We cannot expect to make a new and better world as the result of the exercise of brute military force . We can only expect to achieve the kind of world we want by the use of brains and effort during peace . We fought only to preserve , for ourselves and our children , that conception of political freedom and justice which was being attached by a tyrannous power . I think that 's very well said . It 's about context though . If I imagine someone talking about Hitler and the Nazis , I like the speech . If I imagine George W . Bush saying it about the Middle East , it 's a different story . Why ? I don 't know . In most cases , I 'm against war . But sometimes , I feel there really IS no choice . The problem is we all disagree on what wars are really needed and which are not . Where do you draw the line ? This is why I demand of you , in the name of the dead and returned , that you do not consider this war as a tasked finished ; that you do not regard this celebration as the last chapter of the book . Look on it rather as half - time ! a joyful occasion certainly , but only a break in the continous task . For tomorrow we must carry on again , and the tasks which lie in front us are immense and urgent as never before . Later . . . . . It will be hard . Without the spur and urgency of a war , it will mean a constant effort from all of us . But I am going to call on your imaginations . I want you to forget it is I who am standing here . And I want you to see instead Bob Davey . And behind him I want you to see an army ; regiment on regiment of young men , dead . They say to you , " Burning in tanks and aeroplanes , drowning in submarines , shattered and broken by high explosive shells , we gave the last full measure of devotion . We bought your freedom with our lives . So take this freedom . Guard it as we have guarded it , use it as we can no longer use it , and with it as a foundation , build . Build a world in which meaness and poverty , tyranny and hate , have no existence . " If you see and hear these mean behind me - do not fail them . I looked at Bill Heffernan on my list and had no idea who he was . But in the entry draft itself , I found that I had written that he was not so nice to Michael Kirby . For a moment , I couldn 't remember who Michael Kirby was . But that amnesia lasted for only a second . I soon remembered he 's the gay man who was part of the high court . I can even picture what he looks like . And I 'm often not good at remembering faces . Heffernan is a 5 in numerology . Those folks are supposed to be about freedom . This website describes the five as : You posses the curiosity of a cat , and you long to experience all of life . You love to be involved in several things at the same time , as long as you are not tied down to any one area . This number probably wouldn 't make the best spouse . Well , they might be a great spouse until they go on to find something new . Heffernan is a Pisces . I picture them as being spiritual people , but I should learn more . There has to be more to them than that . This website says , Pisces are sensitive , humane and often idealistic . People born under this sign react emotionally to everything making them compassionate and sensitive to those around them . My sister and one of her daughters are Pisces . This description fits them quite well . I wonder if it will fit Heffernan . My sister also shares Heffernan 's numerology number . But she does NOT remind me of a 5 . She 's so much more like a 6 . Extremely family oriented ! Her marriage and her family are the focal point of her life . Although who knows . Maybe this commitment is a way to hide her true feelings . Maybe secretly she wants to join the circus or something . I 'm trying to picture my sister on the trapeze . . . . . . He was born in Junee New South Wales . It 's south west of Sydney . It 's close to Wagga Wagga . Ah ! There 's a chocolate and licorice factory there . Cool ! And their food is organic . Even more awesome . Hefferman went to St . Josephs College Hunter Hill . It 's a Catholic school located in Sydney . Either his family moved there , or Heffernan did the boarding school thing . I 'm guessing it was the latter because next Heffernan went to Wagga Wagga Technical College . There he learned about wool stuff and welding . He returned to his birthplace and became a farmer . I think he still might be a farmer . . . . that along with being a liberal politician . Lord Wiki talks about his political career . Huffernan was on the Junee Shire council from 1981 - 1996 . That 's pretty long . Fifteen years . In the late 1980 's and early 1990 's he was president of that council . After that , he became president of NWS 's Liberal Party . Two years after joining the senate , he became Parliamentary Secretary to the Cabinet . I have no idea what that means . Maybe I 'll find out later . I 'm not finding anything easily on Google . All right . I 'm at the Michael Kirby stuff now . Nine days after his birthday in 2002 , Heffernan made accusations against Kirby . Ah ! I remember this now ! Hefferman accused Kirby of doing something . Sexual , I think ? Hefferman turned out to be wrong and Kirby very graciously forgave him . The accusations caused problems for Heffernan ; I guess because evidence didn 't back him up . His buddy Howard asked him to resign from being Parliamentary Secretary . On March 19 , Heffernan withdrew his claims . He didn 't resign from the Senate though ; and he was re - elected in 2004 . Mark Latham got into the game . He blamed the situation on John Howard ; saying Howard used Heffernan to run dirt campaigns against certain individuals . If that 's so . . . . wow ! How wicked is that ? He gets Hefferman to do his dirty work , then let 's him take the fall and asks him to resign . That sounds like an interesting relationship . . . . a lick - the - boots - that - kick - you kind of thing . It reminds a little bit of Jafar and Iago in Aladdin . In 2006 , there was even more drama . He had a public incident with a member of the National Party at the Canberra airport . He told Fiona Nash to blow it out her backside . Some saw this as being workplace harassment . Hefferman was forced to apologize . He did more dirty work for Howard ; tried to get a politician named John Brogden in trouble . He approached another politician named Alex McTaggart and told him he was Howard 's right hand man . Hefferman told McTaggart he had dirt on Brogden and tried to manipulate McTaggart into revealing his own Brogden dirt . Holy crap ! Heffernan said that Julia Gillard shouldn 't be a leader because she 's deliberately barren . What ? ! I 'm in shock here . I 'm not even sure what to say . How does having kids make you a better politician ? In some ways , I think it 's better NOT to have kids if you 're going to go into politics . I think you 're pulled too much into two directions . Although if the government did supportive things like providing a year of paid maternity leave , it might be a different story . I 'm not saying mothers shouldn 't have careers . I just think that some careers are very involved , and takes intense dedication . Something is probably going to end up getting neglected . It will be either the career or the child . Now if the father ( or Lesbian partner ) is willing to be the primary parent , than this shouldn 't be a problem at all . What Heffernan says pisses me of though . He says women who remain barren have no idea what life is about . It reminds me of what people some say about homeschooling . There 's the idea that homeschoolers are deprived . They 're unsocialized and missing out on an essential life experience . Yes , they are missing out on a SPECIFIC life experience , but it does not mean they 're deprived . Well , I guess you COULD say they 're deprived . But we 're all deprived of something . I 'm deprived of having five kids . I 'm deprived of having a career as a doctor . I 'm deprived of watching Grey 's Anatomy . I 'm deprived of living in Wyoming . We 're all missing out on SOMETHING . But that doesn 't mean we even WANT that something . And it certainly doesn 't mean we don 't know what life is about . It can make us feel greatly superior though , to look at others and think of how they 're missing out simply because they didn 't make the same choices we do . Like most mothers of only children , I 've been given grief about depriving Jack of a sibling . Well , I can turn around to those people and say they 're depriving their children of the wonderful experience of being an only child . So there ! In 2008 , he spoke about gene stuff . I don 't really understand it . He said , Patents should be for inventions , not for naturally occurring genes . I 'm guessing maybe he 's against gene therapy ? All right . I 'm done with Lord Wiki . I think I 'm going to go outside with Jack because he says the weather is nice . Then I 'll look at some other Bill Heffernan stuff . I 'm going to look at his Parliament website now . There 's actually nothing that exciting ; just lists his different positions and stuff . I 'm not going to name them all . If anyone is in interested , click on the link . That 's taking a long time to load so I 'm going to look at Bill Hefffernan 's website at the same time . They have a photograph of him on this site . He looks like someone who is a farmer and member of the Liberal Party . He also looks like someone who would be heavily involved with the Baptist Church . I 'm just saying if I was a casting director this would be the role I 'd give him . There 's another photo of Hefferman to the left of the page . He looks a bit like that actor . I forgot his name , but he stars in Babe . This speech was done on 10 December 1996 . I think at this point I lived in Los Angeles . It was probably a few weeks before I became a film school drop - out . Heffernan says , The Liberal Party , without fuss or fanfare , and certainly without quotas or tokens , has led the way to deliver more women to parliament . Yeah , let 's just hope none of them were barren . We wouldn 't want any girls who don 't understand what life is about . I 'm getting some childhood information here now . He had six siblings . He has been deprived of living in a small family . Therefore he doesn 't know what life is about . He should never be a leader . I do like what he says here , although I 'm not sure he means it in the way I 'd want him to mean it . It is an environment where we have learnt from the ancient skills of our indigenous people and from the recent lessons of land care that man is merely the custodian of the land and that planet survival demands a certain order of our water , land , plants and animals - - an order which when respected will provide for man . On the surface , I really can 't fault him on what he has said here . It sounds rather lovely . Oh , maybe not . What 's that order word mean here ? Is it like a food chain thing ? He COULD be saying that the world will be okay as long as we remember that humans are superior and more important than the other little creatures . He says , I am mindful that the cost to family life of political commitment is both high and well documented . I would not be here without the help of my Sydney foster family , Bill and Trish McPhee , the support of my family and my hardworking wife , Margaret , and my children , Kate , Will , Ted and Harriet - - all of whom have had to make considerable sacrifices . I wonder how many female politicians have this support from their spouses and children . Some of them might , and that 's great . But if they don 't , how do they manage such a career ? I have to say . I like this quote too . Many times I have observed the capacity of all Australians to pull together during times of war and national disaster . Is it too much to ask of the beneficiaries , of such capacity , to pull together in times of peace for social justice and a fair go for every Australian How does such an asshole come up with this stuff ? It IS rather lovely . So , he IS respectful of women . . . as long as they fit a certain role . It 's like Super Mom ; or Super Farm Mom . And there 's nothing wrong with being this type of woman . I think they deserve a lot of respect . I personally admire them . But it 's not the only valid life choice . Maybe the guy IS fairly eco - conscious . He says , Population growth is wearing down Mother Earth and swallowing up our farming land and agricultural water resources . Twenty - five per cent of the world 's agricultural land is degraded and 25 per cent of the world 's wild fisheries are overfished . If the world does not wake up , in 100 years there will be no tropical rainforest . It 's funny about the population growth though because earlier in the speech he pretty much boasted about coming from a large family . He also seems fairly supportive of Indigenous Australians . He says , My tribute also extends to my bush companions , our indigenous people , who live in rural and remote Australia . I share their love of the land and their concern for the loss of their timeless culture . They , like myself , sleep many nights under the stars , understand the value of a campfire and can read Mother Nature , her seasons and warning signals . They , sadly , often live in a mire of low self - esteem , shunned by the passage of time and technology . I can 't find fault in anything he has said here . He talks about the underdeveloped north . He believes Australia should tap into all the resources there . So , you use up the resources in one place and move onto a new place . It might come down to us having to do stuff like that . But can it be done in a way that 's not overly destructive ? I don 't know . If Northern Australia is mined and all that , what would be sacrificed ? What would be gained ? Would it all balance out ? And is it one of those things where there 'd be quick fixes that would lead to bigger problems in the future ? All right . Here 's his speech about the gene stuff . Oh , he 's NOT against gene therapy . Oops . I blundered that one . I think I 'm actually in agreement with him here . He doesn 't believe genes should be patented . He says , To realize the full promise of this research , raw fundamental data on the human genome , including the human DNA sequence and its variations , should be made freely available to scientists everywhere . Unencumbered access to this information will promote discoveries that will reduce the burden of disease , improve health around the world , and enhance the quality of life for all humankind . Okay . I 'm starting to have mixed feelings about this guy . He 's becoming less of an asshole to me . Well , maybe I should say I still feel like he ' an asshole . But he 's an asshole with some pretty decent ideas . You know who he reminds me of . . . . Mark Latham . Or maybe Ben on Lost ! They 're awful in some ways , but not so awful in other ways . It seems he might be involved in this gene stuff for personal reasons . He and his sister are against a certain company , Genetic Technologies Ltd , having sole control of gene testing for certain types of breast cancer . That sister and their other sister both had breast cancer . I 've looked into taking these tests ; I think when I researched Jane McGrath . The genes run higher in Jewish people , and we 've had breast cancer in the family . They 're really expensive though . I think it 's sad that medical tests cost so much . Does it really entail that much time and resources ? Or are people making huge profits from it ? I 'll admit that the price isn 't the only thing stopping me from taking the tests . I guess it 's the fear of getting a positive result . What would I do then ? The information isn 't definite . It 's not saying I WILL get cancer . It 's saying I MIGHT get cancer . And I could end up with a negative test . But I can 't be relieved about that because I still could get cancer . And if I don 't get cancer , I could get hit by a truck . Gene testing is a sticky thing . It sometimes gives us answers that will help us . But then other times it gives us answers that just make us lost and depressed . See . Yeah . Now I 'm reading all this and I 'm feeling scared again . And I 'm feeling guilty for not getting early Mammograms or something . But then once I feel guilty and consider doing it , I feel like a hypochondriac . There 's some stuff going on with the Beef Industry . Heffernan 's involved . I don 't understand it completely . It seems to have something to do with Australian 's industry being overshadowed , or taken over by Brazilian meat companies . One of Gillard 's responses to the whole event was , I don 't think Australian women need Bill Heffernan or anybody else to give them advice on how to live their lives . " We 're pretty good at making our own choices . Amen to that . Yikes . After all this research , I just realized I had been spelling Heffernan 's name wrong . I was spelling it HefferMAN rathe than HefferNAN . Oops . I had to go back and change all those . Anyway , now I 'm going to search the blogging world . . . . . This blogger reports that Heffernan threatened a security guard when the security guard confiscated his knife . Heffernan later sent a written apology . Heffernan does seem to end up apologizing a lot . I wonder how many of those apologies are actually sincere . This Canberra Blogger has some strong words for Heffernan and his barren comments . She says , Bill - thinking of women primarily in terms of their child bearing status is no longer acceptable . And Bill , I don 't want politicians to parent me , I want them to manage , to lead , and to have some vision for the future . Bill , I think it is time you retired . I like that . I agree with her on some levels , and on other levels I don 't . I have family members who have VERY different religious and political views than I do . They often say things that greatly offend me . They say things that disgust me . They say things that make me wonder sometimes how I can stand being in the same room with them . But the thing is I DO love them . And it 's not just love out of obligation . I know that despite our disagreements , there 's great good in these people . The person who offends me the most in my family is also one of the most loving , generous , and caring people in my family . We might not see eye to eye on things , but I know he has a huge heart . Fortunately , I 'm not famous and I 'm not faced with having to distance myself from family member 's wild statements . If I was in that situation , I think there 's a RIGHT way to do it . I DON ' T think it 's enough to say something ambiguous like We all have our own opinions . I love so - and - so , but I don 't necessarily agree with him on everything . That 's way too vague , and when I read something like that I hear I agree with him , but I don 't want to admit directly in public because then I might look bad . I think the right thing to say is something like I love my father . He 's a great dad . But I completely disagree with him about the Holocaust being a hoax . I think you can love someone with crazy views , even publicly love them . But if you don 't distance yourself from their VIEWS , than I 'm going to assume you share them . Posted by I read one of his children 's books while we were in Australia . Toad Away . A story about cane toads . Before reading the book , I saw cane toads in a very negative way . They 're disgusting invaders of Australia . They cause the death of native animals . They 're not good . But Gleitzman 's book made me see the toads differently . After reading it , I had some sympathy for the poisonous amphibians . As a whole they 're a nuisance . As individuals though . . . . . I don 't know . Studies have shown that animals have more intelligence than most of us want to imagine . I 'm not saying a Cane Toad could beat me at a game of Trivial Pursuit , but I 'm also doubting his existence is just a walking blob of nothingness . No matter how smart Mr . Cane Toad is . . . . we can 't deny that his presence in Australia has wreaked havoc on the fauna . But sometimes it 's not enough to just gently exterminate the creatures . Some people like to be kill them via various sporting games . But I know another animal that has probably created much more havoc to Australia 's ecology . They officially arrived in 1788 . And even their dark - skinned predecessors probably caused minor amounts of stress to the land . I 'm not saying I 'm against controlling animal populations . I think it might sometimes be necessary . I think though that it should be done with respect , and done as painlessly as possible . Next time we 're faced with an animal that we feel deserves death , I think we should imagine how we 'd feel if someone decided the planet would be better off without our kind . I imagined that recently thanks to the help of a certain Keanu Reeves movie . I do like books and movies that make me think about things in a different way . I liked Gleitzman 's book . Will I like Gleitzman himself ? Maybe ? Maybe not ? Thanks . At least you provide me with his birthday . January 9 , 1953 . Why do I feel like I 'm getting a lot of January birthdays lately ? Gleitzman is a Capricorn . This astrology website has this to say about the Capricorn : They strive always for honesty in their criticism of self , they respect discipline from above and demand it from those beneath them . In their methodical , tough , stubborn , unyielding way , they persist against personal hardship , putting their families and / or their work before their own needs and welfare to reach their objectives long after others have given up and fallen by the wayside . That doesn 't sound exactly like a man who writes funny books for children . But I don 't know the guy very well yet . If it doesn 't fit him , we might say that astrology is a load of rubbish . Or we could say that Gleitzman is a failed Capricorn . I have a feeling it has to be one or the other because the astrology site also says that Capricorns dislike fantasy . Yeah , from just reading Toad Away , I can assume that this trait does not fit Gleitzman . Gleitzman was born in England . His books are popular and read worldwide . That 's about all Lord Wiki wants to tell me . I shall have to look elsewhere . Gleitzman emigrated to Australia when he was sixteen . He started out as a television writer . In 1987 , he turned one of his screenplays into a novel . The Other Facts of Life . Oh ! This book sounds really good . It seems like a Lisa Simpson type thing . I definitely need to read it one day . Okay . Now I 'm going to read the website 's critical perspective . They say , His use of humour avoids gritty realism , lessens the possibility of anxiety for child - readers and enables him to present certain issues subtly and ( almost ) lightly . I wonder if Jack will like these books . Both Jack and I are the type of people who have a lot of fears and anxieties . I do feel that humor is sometimes the best medicine for folks like us . One of Gleitzman 's books ( Two Weeks with a Queen ) , deals with the subject of sibling death . I feel that it 's an issue too often ignored . When I used to be involved with Cystic Fibrosis , I met some of the siblings . I think it 's so hard on these kids . They have to face such a huge loss . But even outside of that , there 's so much they have to deal with . It 's hard to be the sibling of someone who is severely ill or injured . I know that from experience . It seems so many resources are focused on the ill children themselves . And I think those resources are necessary . But I also think resources are needed for the healthy children . There are a few programs appearing though . That 's good . Oh ! Maybe there 's more than I expected . That 's good . The website says this about parents in Gleitzman 's books . Colin 's parents are shown to be flawed but forgivable - they make mistakes , but they are well - intentioned and coping with a terrible situation . This is typical of many of Gleitzman 's novels - he writes honestly about adult shortcomings , and is firmly on the child 's side , but nonetheless shows sympathy towards struggling parents trying to do their best . It 's funny reading children 's books as an adult . I probably notice the parents more than I did as a child . And I think unfortunately I 'm very judgmental . I come down hard on Junie B . Jones parents . They seem so negative and invalidating . I also have trouble tolerating Peter and Fudge 's mom in the Judy Blume books . She seems a bit clueless at times . But I have to face the facts . If our life was a children 's novel , readers would probably be critical about my parenting . I have the best intentions , but sometimes . . . . . Well , let 's just say it 's often easier to do the right thing when the scenario is just in your imagination . When I 'm faced with reality , I sometimes end up being more harsh than gentle . Example : A week or so ago , Jack participated in a Hula Hoop contest with his cousins at a charity event . Jack 's Hula skills are equal to mine . He was out within seconds . His cousin meanwhile was doing quite well . The losers were supposed to leave the stage . Jack started crying and didn 't want to leave . He said he wanted to stay with his cousin . We took him off the stage immediately . I think THAT was the right thing to do . But then I was too harsh with him . I was horribly unsympathetic . I lectured him about how we all have talents . We talked about how he 's good at his things , and this is something that Darcy is good at . Okay , I still think all that is fine . BUT I should have still been sympathetic towards his feelings . There 's nothing wrong with being firm , but I think in these circumstances you also need to be gentle . Instead , I tried to make Jack feel guilty that he wasn 't acting proud of his cousin . I told him he was being rude for sitting there crying instead of watching and cheering for his cousin . In an ideal world , we would all be proud of each other - - never resentful and jealous . But unfortunately we sometimes have ugly feelings . During that year my sister was injured , I was called selfish on many occasions . And I HAD been very selfish at times . But I wish someone had told me that these feelings were normal . Common . I wish someone had told me I wasn 't a bad person for feeling these things . That 's why there needs to be support for siblings . All right . I 'm a bad mother sometimes . But I guess I 'm not as bad as some of the characters in Gleitzman 's books . The parents in Bumface sound quite awful . It 's about a child with a TV star mom . The TV mom is idealistic while the real mom is neglectful . I 'm definitely not neglectful . I ignore Jack at times and / or tell him I 'm busy . But I make up for it plenty at other times . I think that 's the usual story for homeschooling stay - at - home moms . I will say I 've become quite good at working while being frequently interrupted . Now the kid is ignoring me though . He barely gave me a hello this morning . During his childhood , Gleitzman ran to his birthday presents , tripped , and sprained his elbow . Ouch . Something similar to that happened to Jack . . . . but a bit worse . He tried to run ahead of us at the airport . . . . I think to get to the rental car bus . He tripped and fell flat on the ground . He broke his arm . It 's all healed now , but will probably be the cause of major psychological damage . The poor child can 't run without me calling out something like . Jack ! Be Careful ! I 'll kill you if you break another arm ! He said when he moved to Australia , the experience was so shocking that he stopped reading for a year . I wonder if that 's common . When I first became a mom , I found I was unable to read for awhile . Sometimes , you 're just too stressed and nervous . Although in my case , I think it was about the book . Someone had given me a book to borrow . . . one she heavily praised . I couldn 't get into it , but I felt obligated to read it . AND like it . Instead , I just avoided reading . I 'm not sure if I would have read more if I had a book I liked ; or if I would have liked the borrowed book more if I wasn 't so anxious . Who knows . I 'm finding it easier to find information about his books than about Gleitzman himself . And I kind of hesitate reading too much about his books because I want to read them for myself one day . That 's probably why this entry is mostly filled with me rambling on and on about my own life . Gleitzman will be ( or already is ) in Borneo doing author visits at schools . Also , while there , he 'll be speaking at a charity dinner . The proceeds go to Victoria bushfire victims . He 's currently involved with that campaign regarding Australian books and authors . I 've seen this thing before , and I don 't fully understand it . It sounds bad though . I know it has something to do with cheap books coming into Australia from abroad , and that will threaten Australian books somehow . Even though I don 't fully understand it , I totally support the cause . I 'd be devastated if Australian books disappeared . Gleitzman 's favorite books as a child were the William books by Richard Compton . I 'm not finding anything about these books . Oh well . I guess either I 'm looking in the wrong place , or their pretty damn obscure . He says as a writer , he believes in starting with a character and their problem . When I wrote fiction , I think I began things in the Stephen King way . A lot of What ifs . I guess that 's more about situation than conflict . But in almost all cases , the situation than brings about conflict . Regarding his career Gleitzman says , I 've always been lucky . I found out early what I was meant to do and it is never a chore . And that 's exactly why I 've quit writing fiction . At one time , I was like Gleitzman . I had millions of ideas . The words flowed . I felt comforted and excited at the keyboard . But later it all just became a chore . I started dreading my writing times and struggling to fill up my daily writing quotas . Gleitzman had actually written a whole trilogy of Nazi books : Once , Then , and Now . Oh wait . Now hasn 't come out yet . It 's a future book . Now is not now . It 's later . I am cracking myself up here . Thanks to this article , I have found the William books ! Thank you . I had been spelling the author 's name wrong . Compton instead of Crompton . The Crompton books are not very obscure . In fact , they seen quite popular . The article says he lives with his wife and stepchildren in Melbourne ; but he also sometimes lives with his ex - wife and children in Sydney . Interesting . I guess he gets along well with his ex - wife . That 's good . I like hearing stories like that . I love this quote from Gleitzman , Because kids are physically smaller , there 's an assumption by people who haven 't read a kids ' book for a long time that their ideas and themes and problems and ambitions must be commensurately smaller and less important . I would venture that sometimes the opposite is true . Beautiful . I can 't imagine how someone could see a child 's or teenager 's problems as being trivial . Yeah , sometimes children and teens make mountains out of molehills . But adults do too . . . probably just as much ! We as adults get annoyed with children when they have a tantrum for a new toy . Yet how many toys do we own ourselves ? Yeah , we probably didn 't have a tantrum for them . But we must have shared the child 's strong desperate desire to have that thing . Otherwise , why would we have bought it ? And I think it 's harder for a child because they have to depend on us to say yes or no . Jack and I talk about this sometimes . I say it 's sometimes better to be an adult because you get to make more of your own choices . But then it 's sometimes better to be a child because , in most cases , you have less responsibilities . It 's all relative though . Sometimes we scoff at other people 's problems because ours seem so much bigger and more important . But we have to remember that there 's ALWAYS going to be someone who has worse problems than us . How would we feel if they treated our problems with scorn ? Okay . I 'm going to feed my child , and then I 'm going to look at the official Morris Gleitzman website . I 'm glad I found that . Actually , Lord Wiki had a link , but I missed it at first . We 're back . We ate Tim 's leftover pancakes . For the record , my gourmet chef husband fails when it comes to pancakes . Mine are SO much better . Gleitzman says there 's a rule about author websites . They must include baby photos . Cool . I didn 't know that . Back when I was having the almost - constant Julian McMahon dreams , I had this very strong desire to see pictures of him as a child . I have no idea why . Of course all I could find was him looking grown - up and sexy . I searched and searched and never found what I was looking for . Maybe they 're out there now . I should look one day . But not now because I have to finish this . Then I want to play Sims 2 , give attention to my child , and obsessively check Twitter every five minutes . Baby McMahon shall have to wait . If you send in a self - addressed stamped envelope , he 'll send you a signed copy of Wicked Part Two . He even extends the offer to international people like me . Postage is expensive though . I 'm not sure it 's worth it . It 's probably easier for me to buy the book here somewhere . But I do deeply appreciate being included . If you 're sad that you have to start with the sequel , don 't worry . Gleitzman has the book online for free . I 'm thinking of reading it , but probably won 't . I spent too much time on the computer as it is . I need to read physical books because that gets me away from the screen . Oh ! Wait . I must have already been on this website earlier . I see the biography page I had looked at earlier . And this is where his childhood photo is . He 's cute . . . . riding a little tricycle . He says he has two offices - one in his Melbourne home and one in his Sydney home . I 'm very intrigued by the fact that he still lives with his ex - wife . I think it 's lovely though . I love his sense of humor . He 's asked if he 's recognized when out in public . He says no because he always put older photos on his books . He says , Which means people don 't recognise me when I 'm out and I 'm free to go into bookshops and put my books in front of Harry Potter books anonymously . That cracks me up . I am REALLY liking this guy . Am I gushing too much ? I like that he 's friendly towards his readers . I 've seen other author websites that are much less welcoming . One time I looked at the website of a certain young adult author . There was something so cold , protected , and serious about him . It turned me off of him . I never read anymore of his books . I keep loving this Gleitzman man more and more . He says , when asked about getting awards , Quite a few , but I try not to let my head swell too much . Most awards are given by small groups of people who are just expressing their very personal preferences . I like humble people . Another certain author ( I won 't name names ) fills almost every blog post with glowing reviews of her books . I first came across her blog because she came across mine first . Why ? I had written a negative review of her book . Now I don 't think I was nasty . I think I was very polite about it . I even said the fault probably lay with me . I 'm not that smart sometimes . The book went way over my head . Well , on her constant search of book reviews , she came across mine . She took a break from posting glowing reviews and did a post about recent bad reviews . My review was there with a link to my blog . I guess I could be grateful for the free publicity . I felt bad though so I left her what I thought was a sweet genuine comment . It was an apology with some philosophical stuff about the world being full of various opinions . Blah , blah , blah . She never responded to my comment . I felt snubbed by her . Maybe she 's just one of those bloggers who never reads comments . But I couldn 't help feeling that she was being petty or something . And now I 'm being petty . Yet I 'm so glad to get that all off my chest . Interesting . He says he can 't read fiction while writing his own because it messes up his own rhythm and voices . Because of this , he now reads mostly nonfiction . Ah , there seems to be a whole collection of Gleitzman photos on the site . He also has some of his old report cards . I think it 's great for kids to see you can get negative remarks from a teacher and then grow up to be successful . Gleitzman had mixed grades though . It seems he was good at English , French , and religious studies . It seems he did less well with science stuff . His quote about heroes is , Life is full of big problems that don 't have easy solutions . The heroes in my books are kids who wrestle with these problems and don 't give up , not even when they 've run out of dishwashing liquid . I like that . He says he 's very tidy ; maybe almost to an anal degree . He says , The trouble with being that tidy is that you get nervous about things that aren 't tidy . Like feelings . I 'm going to leave his website now and see if there 's anything in the blogging world about Gleitzman . No , well maybe not . I 'm feeling lazy now . And this post is probably long enough . I 'm loving Gleitzman , but I think I 've had enough of him for today . Besides , I want to go watch Jack do some Wii bowling . Posted by Hart was a Gemini . I have a Gemini niece . She 's seven years - old and is already excellent at reading Hebrew . My little niece is bilingual ! What does that have to do with being a Gemini ? Nothing . I just wanted to brag about my niece . Hart was born in Broken Hill , New South Wales . I wouldn 't mind going to Broken Hill . Tim and I want to go to the outback someday . I 'm not sure if I want to go to Alice Springs or Uluru though . I think I 'd rather go somewhere different from where most international tourists go . Although I think Broken Hill is a little touristy too . But we probably don 't want a place that 's completely isolated and obscure . I just looked at Google Maps . If we 're ever going to do a driving trip to Broken Hill , we should probably do it a time when we make Adelaide our city destination . It 's six hours from Adelaide . It 's about fifteen hours from Sydney and ten hours from Melbourne . He grew up on a sheep station . He did the correspondence school thing . I think he 's the first person I 've researched who 's done that . I think when I tell some Australians that Jack is homeschooled , this is what they picture . Although I think some American homeschoolers participate in correspondence school for their homeschooling . We don 't . But who knows . Maybe someday we will . Maybe for Jack 's high school years . In his young adult years , Hart worked in the mines . Mining used to be central to the economy in Broken Hill . Well , it still is . But because of dwindling resources , they 're trying to emphasize tourism as well . Lord Wiki says Hart began painting at age seven . I don 't get that really . What exactly does it mean ? He used paints for the first time at that age ? I doubt it . Jack would have him beat there . He painted for the first time when he was around a year old . Maybe it just means this is when painting became one of Hart 's primary talents / hobbies . In 1958 , he started painting full time . He would have been thirty . Four years later , he had his first exhibition in Adelaide . In between all that , he got married . The lovely couple ended up having five children . Hart paints the outback . He has a strong love for Australia and his town of birth . He chose to remain in Broken Hill , and opened up a gallery there . Lord Wiki says Hart uses his DNA as a mark of authenticity in his paintings . What does that mean ? Does he scrape his cheek cells and put them in the painting ? His blood ? Dandruff ? Lord Wiki doesn 't say . Well , it seems we don 't share a lot of political stuff in common . He was very pro - guns . He wasn 't a fan of the Labor party or Green Party . He believed in Government Conspiracy theories . Well , I believe in some of those to a point . I don 't take what any government says as truth and gospel . He supported Pauline Hanson ; even gave her money during her difficult time . Hart reads the Bible and collected car stuff . Yeah , we really don 't have much in common . He would probably fit in very well with that New Years / anniversery Party Tim took me too . They would have probably loved Pro Hart . In his later years , Hart developed motor neurone disease . He eventually died from it in 2006 . I have to look up this disease . I never heard of it until my friend Michelle mentioned it when we were in Australia . I was surprised there was a disease out there I haven 't heard of . I wondered whether it was really rare , or whether we had a different name for it in the United States . I meant to look it up earlier , but forgot . So , here 's my chance . Okay . According to Lord Wiki , this disease is what we Americans call Lou Gerhig 's disease . I HAVE heard of that . It seems there are different types of motor neurone disease though . Stephen Hawkings has it . I never knew what disease he had . All right . I 'm done with Lord Wiki . Now I shall move on to other websites . Maybe I 'll even look at some of Hart 's paintings . All right . Here 's a Pro Hart website . Oh . It 's the website for his gallery . Besides painting , he also did sculpture work with metal and stone . And he invented stuff . He sounds a little bit like Da Vinci . But maybe most artists are like that . Maybe those who paint are often also good at inventing . Although my ex - boyfriend painted , and I don 't remember him inventing stuff . He used most of his free time to smoke pot . The website says Hart liked Chinese take - a - way . Well , we have something in common there . I like Chinese food . Oh , but NOT Texas Chinese food . The Chinese food in Fort Worth is pretty awful . I love NYC Chinese food . I wish I could have some now . This website says he was disliked and mocked by the art mafia . What is the art mafia ? Is it a real entity , or are they just referring to general art snobs ? This article here refers to the Art Mafia . It says they attacked a guy named Peter Toyne . Toyne is trying to stop counterfeit Aboriginal art and Aboriginal Art sweatshops . Someone didn 't like that and they stabbed Toyne . I 'm doubting it 's the same group who disliked Hart . Since Hart believes in government conspiracies , I 'm guessing he has a touch of paranoia . Therefore , this art mafia might be more in his mind . . . an imagined persecution . Or maybe not . The world is full of snobs . But if there were snobs that rejected Hart and his work , it seems they didn 't diminish his career too much . The website says he traveled the world meeting kings , queens , and other such famous folks . I 'll find paintings that I like . This is like going to the art museum . I 'm feeling so cultured lately . The other day I listened to opera , and now I 'm looking at famous paintings . So far , I 'm noticing his paintings seem to have a lot of red in them . That 's pretty cool . When I think of Australia , red is the color I think of . . . especially when I think of the Outback . I have an Aussie tour book called Catriona 's Australia . It 's full of photographs . I don 't like the book though because the dominant color seems to be blue . It doesn 't feel like Australia to me . Australia for me is a rusty red . Sydney could be blue though . I guess for me Australia is rusty red and Sydney is turquoise . Okay . I 'm being weird . Well , it seems I can 't link directly to the paintings . I can link to the category though . I like these mining ones . His work reminds me of a certain children 's book illustrator . I forgot her name . Crap . I think it 's Allison . I 'll try to Google . Yes , it 's Allison Jay . Her colors are very different from Hart , but the style looks similar to me . Or maybe not . Now that I see her paintings . . . . I might change my mind . Maybe just the mining paintings remind me of her . The other stuff really doesn 't . I can sort of relate to that . I think I need to be doing something everyday . I put all this pressure on myself to have a post every single day . I think sometimes that this is too much . I don 't need to put all this pressure on myself . I 've made a new rule that if I 'm a certain number of posts ahead , I don 't have to do research ( or other long drawn out posts ) for that day . I can take a break ! A few days ago , I was that many posts ahead so I took a few days off . The first day was nice . It was great to get a rest . I was excited to have a " free " day . But by the end of my break , I was bored and feeling a bit empty . This is cool . Hart says with his correspondence school , when he was asked to write something , he 'd draw instead . And he says the teachers accepted this . Awesome ! Wouldn 't it be great if schools allowed children to express their knowledge in the way that suited them best . Some kids might take a multiple choice test . Some might write an essay . Some might do a painting or sing a song . Some kids might build something . I know there 's the idea that we all need to learn how to do a little bit of everything . I think there 's some merit to that . But what if we kept that plan to a minimum and most people put their focus on their strengths instead ? If you 're good at math , you spent most of your day in math classes . . . with an hour or so of basics in the other stuff . If you 're good at art , you spend most of your day in art class . I think schools would work out much better if they were like that . Ah , he was kicked out of the mines . Yikes . I wonder why . He says he was doing a lot of sketching while underground . Maybe that 's why . He did this thing sometimes ; dropped paint from airplanes . He dropped paint on Uluru . That was frowned on . I can 't blame the frowning people . I do support graffiti type art in some circumstances . But Ulura ? Uh , no . That 's probably not a nice thing to do . In the interview , he says that he doesn 't know where the nickname Pro came from . So , was Lord Wiki lying to me ? Using his imagination a bit ? Hart talks about how the mines were very dangerous . He would draw on the walls of the mine ; kind of illustrate stories of what the other miners had been up to . It sounds somewhat Aboriginal . He collects paintings . Hart says , If I liked something , I 'd buy it . I wouldn 't care about the name . I like that . Someone named Jon Hart ( maybe a relative ? ) says Critics I don 't think at first were too happy about an artist who had a high output of work . I think Stephen King gets a lot of flack for that . People sometimes frown down on those who are prolific . If you 're making too much of something it must be crap . Or you 're just making a lot of stuff so you can make more money . I 'm prolific when it comes to writing . I always have been . I wrote four - five novels the senior year of my high school . I didn 't get money for any of them . It 's just writing was kind of like my therapy . It was my savior . At that point in my life , I HAD to write . I would lock myself in my room after school and write twenty - thirty pages . I 'd finish a novel in about a month . Not everyone is like that . Some people work much slower . They take years to write a novel . I always thought there was something wrong with me . I thought my work would be better if I took my time . I tried SLOWLY writing a novel once . I lost interest in it quickly . I can 't write that way . I can 't do a little at a time . I have to do intense spurts . I quit fiction writing eventually and went to blog - writing . I see Bloggers who struggle to post on a regular basis . It 's like they have writing constipation . I have writing diarrhea . It just keeps coming out . That 's how I end up ahead of myself with posts . This is romantic . His wife says , Every time Pro 's had an exhibition on , he 's always taken the children and I with him , because Pro 's a real homebody and doesn 't like being away from home . So I was very lucky there . That 's incredibly sweet . We had moved to Nashville . The teachers at my new school were INCREDIBLY supportive of my writing . I think the librarian read every novel I wrote . And then one of the student teachers really stood behind me . I think having their support is another one of the reasons I did so much writing . I think every writer , artist , singer , photographer , dancer chef , craftsperson , etc . needs someone standing behind them . It could be a parent , sibling , teacher , friend , spouse , aunt . . . . whatever . I think the great thing about the internet is we all support each other . So those of us who lack support from family and nearby friends can get support from our online friends . It 's really great ! The article talks a little bit about the art mafia . I think it IS just about snobbery . The interviewer says , Do you think it 's because you 're not the sort of bloke that they normally find on the artistic cocktails circuit ? That could explain it . Hart names who he doesn 't like . . . . . Greenies , blooming environmentalists and all those creeps . I give them a rough time . But he does say he cuts some slack for the genuine ones . The interviewer asks what he means by this . Hart says , Some of them are fair dinkum , some really feel for the things . So I let them go . But it 's the stirrers ! Oh , God ! They 're a pain . I can understand that . I feel the same way about pro - life people . I think there ARE individuals who truly see a fetus as a baby . They really truly care and want to save a life . I might not agree with them on things , but I respect their compassion . Then there 's the pro - life people who simply love drama . They love participating in the fight of " good " vs . " evil " . They 'll harass people , make disgusting signs , come up with offensive slogans , etc . I really don 't think they truly care about the fetus . And I see it with other groups : environmentalists , vegetarians , lactivists , anti - circumcision folks , health food fanatics , Christians , evangelist Atheists , etc . I think some of these people truly care about their cause . But other times , I think it 's just about wanting to feel superior to others . Okay , I 'm going to go off on a total tangent here . Sorry . One thing I 've changed my mind about lately is religion . I used to be against religion . I thought it was the cause of the majority of society 's ills . Now I don 't think so . I think religion is fine in itself . My feeling is that it provides an excuse for certain people to behave in a certain way . For good people , religion gives them an excuse to do good things . God wants me to bake a casserole for that family who lost their baby . God wants me to visit the hospital and hold the hands of all the sick lonely people . God wants me to give to charity . Bad people will say : God wants then to push my beliefs on others God wants me to blow up that building . God wants them me to lock my child in the closet and starve her to death . If there was no religion , these people would all still find a reason to do their stuff . The good people would still visit hospitals . The bad people would still blow things up . So back to what Hart says , I think some environmentalists truly care . I think others just want a cause . And once they have that cause , they run with it . What am I ? I don 't know . I think I 'm MOSTLY the good type of environmentalist . I do my eco stuff because I 'm scared of what can happen to us all . I worry about our planet . But sometimes I can be a bit blind about it all . And sometimes I think I do think I 'm a snob about it . Look at me . I don 't use water bottles anymore . Look I have a reusable shopping bag . I truly wonder if I 'm always caring about the environment , or if I 'm sometimes just trying to uphold an image . Hart is a bit paranoid when it comes to communists . He says the unions are full of them . Yeah . They 're breeding them . They 're everywhere , you know . Reds are . . . Yikes . Ah ! Here 's a very recent article . It 's about one of Hart 's sons . Kym Hart says his dad was cracking jokes even when he was close to death . His wife was very fond of her famous father - in - law . She says , Kym 's dad and I were close . Pro had a way about him . Yeah , he just had a way . That 's very sweet . Paul Lonergan , who wrote a tribute about Hart , explains more about the art mafia stuff . He says , He felt it was because he just didn 't fit with their idea of what a proper artist should be . Which was left - wing , uncommercial and starving . That 's unfortunate . I think creative people should be judged on their work , not what they look like or believe . I say this as a bit of a hypocrite though . I know my feelings toward certain celebrities have changed once I knew they were from a certain political group , or followed a certain religion . But often when that happens , I end up seeing their work again and I forget that I 'm supposed to dislike them . An example would be Tom Cruise . We make fun of him and his Scientology . He can be a bit scary with all that . But I DO think he 's a good actor . I think he can be a brilliant actor . I 'm going to end here . I 'll leave us with a link to this blog . It has a picture of Hart 's painted car . I think it looks awesome . Posted by We had a nice drive there . It 's about an hour from our house . We listened to the Mamma Mia Soundtrack . We passed an IKEA and we talked about going there after lunch . That seems like an Australian thing to do . Now that I know about Australia 's love for ABBA , I pretty much associate anything Swedish with Australia . I wondered what the Down Under Pub would be like . Would it have authentic Australian food ? But then I 'm STILL not sure what authentic Australian food is . I think of lamb , meat pies , sausage rolls , and pumpkin . . . lots of pumpkin . But you know what food really screams Australia to me ? Thai food . I was disappointed with the restaurant before I even got there . Frisco is ugly . I don 't like it . I 've seen other places in the DFW area that look like it . It 's very flat and full of commercial retail crap places . There 's no pretty nature . The architecture is awful . It 's just blah ! The Down Under Pub is located in a large strip shopping center . The restaurant logo is an upside down map of Australia . It 's the same on their website , but I never really noticed it . The decor was disappointing . Most of it was American Sports crap and American beer . There were a lot of Australian license plates . I 'll give them credit for that . Also , near the toilets they had a photograph of Sydney Harbour . Jack got a children 's menu - - one that includes crayons . You 'd think maybe it would have something Australian about it . Maybe some Aussie animals ? Nope . It had dinosaurs . There 's a section that 's called Aussie Favorites . If you want to be a true blue Aussie , try our favorites . They 're bonza mate . What is bonza ? Is that a real Australian word ? I gotta look it up . Okay . It is ! Well , at least it 's in this Australian slang dictionary . I 'm not sure about the food they consider to be true blue . . . . They do have meat pies . That 's Australian to me . They have SHRIMP on the barbie - - not so Australian to me . But perhaps prawns on the barbie would be . Then the other foods are meatloaf , ribs , and pork chops . Maybe I 'm ignorant because of my vegetarianism , but I don 't think of them as Australian . I 'm not saying Australians don 't eat those foods , but it just doesn 't scream true blue Aussie to me . We also ordered chips . This was a moment of confusion . The menu has Real Aussie Fish and Chips . We just wanted the chips , but there was no side of chips . I pointed to the menu item and asked the waiter if we could get just chips . He looked at me completely confused . I think he said , Chips ? He seemed very lost . I don 't know what this guy was thinking . I 'm guessing he thought we were typical ignorant Americans and were randomly pointing to chips while asking for French Fries . I don 't know . The Meat Pie came with TWO meat pies . . . . talk about portion issues . I kept asking Tim questions about the meat pies . How is it ? Is it horrible ? Is it okay ? He tried to be nice ; told me it wasn 't too bad . He said it was at least better than the meat pie he had on the Manly ferry in 2007 . THAT had been awful . Tim said the pie at The Down Under Pub wasn 't too horrible . It didn 't have any gravy though . It looked dry ; like a pie pastry with ground beef . He added ketchup to it . I loved Jack 's French Toast . I thought it was one of the best French Toasts I 've had in a long time . But then I realized that 's because they didn 't have maple syrup . They had the cheap crap with high fructose syrup . That 's the stuff I grew up with , and I like it so much better than maple syrup . The restaurant , like most American restaurants outside NYC , had free refills . I got annoyed when they brought Jack a second pineapple juice without asking . But then I told Tim , hey but Australians would probably like this . They seem impressed with our free refill lifestyle . I 'm all for free refills . I think it 's great . But I think the waiters should ASK before bringing you a new drink . . . . especially when bringing a child a drink . One pineapple juice has too much sugar , but two is WAY over the line . Jack is mature and obedient to understand that he couldn 't have another full juice . He had a few sips and that 's it . But some kids might not be as reasonable . . . . specially younger children . And parents shouldn 't have to deal with it . So shame on The Down Under Pub for that . I asked the waiter about the restaurant 's history . He said it 's about eight - years - old . I asked who started it and whether they were Australian . Yes , the owner was . But the restaurant had been bought out a few years ago . The waiter told us they were trying to make it LESS Australian . He said it as if this was a good thing . Maybe I 'm reading into things . But to me it was like someone claiming they were phasing out veal or trans fat . He acted like the restaurant would improve once they rid themselves of most of the Aussie stuff . To summarize . . . . I did NOT like The Down Under Pub . I think I prefer the Outback Steakhouse . That 's bad , but not as bad as what we experienced today . I thought a generous thought for a moment . Maybe the Down Under Pub is a decent place . And it 's just not good for an American girl who loves Australia . But no . The food isn 't good . The service is mediocre . There 's nothing special about the place . Oh ! And the bathroom stalls are incredibly small . I could fit in because I 'm fairly short . I 'm not sure what a tall person would do . I guess use the handicap stall ? In those bathrooms , anyone over 162 centimeters is handicapped . We left the restaurant . We didn 't end up going to IKEA . Instead we met my sister 's family at Chuck E . Cheese . WhilMENU - They would use authentic Aussie terms - - chicken schnitzel , prawns ( NOT shrimp ) , chips ( NOT fries ) . They 'd have a meat pies and sausage rolls . Good ones . And of course they 'd have some vegetarian pies . They 'd have pastas and salads with pumpkin because that 's very Australian to me . They 'd have lots of Australian beer , and at least one Australian soda . DECOR - Aussie sports teams and maybe posters of Australian celebrities . Oh ! I know ! How about postcards from all around Australia ? I 'd also love vintage Aussie advertisement posters . That would be cool . STAFF - They wouldn 't have to be Australian . They don 't even need to fake an accent . But I would want them to have a love for Australia . I would want them to be familiar with it and knowledgeable about it . Although the Down Under Pub was a disappointment , I didn 't get incredibly sad or anything . I think I 've said before that seeing Australian things in America often makes me feel a bit melancholy . I didn 't feel that bad today . My only one brief sadness was when I first bit into Jack 's French Toast . For some odd reason , it made me think of Gina . And I missed her for a moment . Why does French Toast make me think of Gina ? I have NO idea . On a happier note , I have found my new favorite Australian candy . Curly Wurly ; the one that looks like it has a Wiggle on it 's wrapper . It 's chocolate with caramel inside , but the caramel has a slight saltiness to it . It 's a great yummy salty / sweet contrast . It 's not sickening sweet like a Rolo or Milk Dud . When Tim tried it , he said it reminded him of an old American Candy Bar . He couldn 't remember the name though . It turns out it 's the Marathon Bar . I can 't remember if I ever ate that . Hello ! You are probably here , because you 've seen me commenting on your blog and you 're wondering . . . " Who is this strange woman ? " Or you 've been reading my blog and am wondering " Who 's writing this weird stuff ? " I do like that you 're looking at my profile though , because that means you 're curious . I like curious people . AND you 're giving me attention . I like attention . So thanks for visiting ! I hope you 're having a safe , healthy , happy , and silly day . Or night . You might be reading this at night . I hope you 're not up because you had a scary dream . . . or have chronic insomnia . View my complete profile
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Starting out with a name I don 't remember is a lot of fun . It 's like an unwrapped present . I 'm so excited to see what I 'm going to get . His birthday is interesting . 9 September 1911 . That 's a lot of nines . And when I look at the date , it makes me think of September 11 . He 's a Virgo like my mom . Oh , I guess Tracey is a Virgo too . Then there 's Dave . He 's a Virgo . . . and my grandpa . It seems I have a lot of Virgos in my life . Anymore out there ? Raise your hand . This website says this about the Virgo . Virgo governs critical analysis , intellectual subtlety and service . Virgo people are inclined to be practical and industrious , yet adaptable , with a remarkable eye for detail . Tracey , you did say you notice things left on tables . That 's a detail , right ? I know Virgos are also known to be very critical . My mom fits that trait quite well . I can say that because I don 't think she reads my blog . But just in case she decides to read this entry . . . Hi Mom ! I love you ! It 's okay if you 're critical because I 'm being critical about you being critical . So that makes me critical too . Okay . I just noticed something weird . Gorton is the 19th Prime Minister . There 's that nine again . Ah ! I 'm writing this entry in 2009 . And I 'm writing this entry at 9 : 19 in the morning . Okay , I 'm actually not . But wouldn 't it be eerie if I was ? Would you guys get major goosebumps ? Gorton 's numerology number is NOT 9 . It 's 3 . That 's the social number . This website says this about the 3 : You are witty , possess a gift for gab and savor the limelight . I guess they would make good actors . Would they make a good Prime Minister ? He was born in Melbourne . Lord Wiki says he was illegitimate . I 've just decided that I hate that term . What ? Having a father that 's married to your mother makes you more legitimate ? I think I prefer the term bastard . That word has a lovely ring to it . His father was John Rose Gorton . He was an orange orchardist . Yum . Oranges are what I craved during my pregnancy . They were like my crack . One day at preschool we made orange juice with the kids . I just wanted to grab all the oranges and eat them all . Daddy Gorton and his wife Kathleen emigrated from South Africa . They broke up and Gorton got together with Alice Sinn . She died in 1920 from Tuberculosis . Gorton would have been about nine when he lost his mother . Lord Wiki says young Gorton went to live with his father 's estranged wife and his half - sister . I 'm confused . What happened to Daddy Gorton . Was he there too ? Or did he die as well ? If Daddy Gorton was still alive and part of the picture , how did he convince Kathleen to let him back into their lives ? I 'm trying to picture if Tim left me for another woman and ended up having a baby . What would I do if the woman died ? I can imagine if both of them died , I 'd feel obligated to take the kid . I mean if no one else was going to take the baby . . . . . I couldn 't let Jack 's half sibling go to an orphanage . But if Tim was still alive , I 'm not sure I 'd let him back into my life . I 'd perhaps send my condolences for his loss though . Maybe I 'd send the child a Christmas present every so often . Kathleen lived in Sydney so Gorton ended up going to school at Sydney Church of England Grammar School . Lord Wiki says he also went to Geelong Grammar School . Was that after Sydney Church of England Grammar School ? Did he return to Victoria ? Or was that before his mother died and all that ? I thought he was born in Melbourne . Oh well . Maybe he went to boarding school in Geelong . For his university studies , Gorton went to Oxford . He studied history , politics , and economics . Well , that 's a good mix for a future Prime Minister . He also took flying lessons there and got his piloting license . His wife is American ! He met her during his college years while holidaying in Spain . They got married in 1935 and took over Gorton 's father 's orchard . This was in Kerang Victoria . I need to look this up on the map . I 'm trying to get a handle on all of this . According to Lord Wiki , Gorton was born in Melbourne . So , this must be where Alice lived . So , how was this orchard three hours away ? Maybe Daddy Gorton bought it later ? Maybe when Alice died , he rushed off to buy an orchard up north and sent his son to his ex - wife . In 1942 , he was injured in a war plane crash . It doesn 't sound too extreme . Well , I guess it was kind of bad . He injured his face . But that 's better than death . And his face looks okay in Lord Wiki 's photo . Well , his nose is a little crooked . He 's still fairly handsome though . Yikes . That wasn 't his only scary war experience . His ship the Derrymore was attacked by the Japanese . The ship was abandoned and Gorton spent a day on a liferaft in shark infested waters . Plus , he didn 't have a lot of drinking water . I 'm glad he was rescued fast . He was in another plane crash and was lost in the bush for a few days . Then another time his plane engine failed when he was about to take off . His aircraft flipped . Gorton fortunately wasn 't hurt . Before the war , Gorton had been a member of the Country Party . After the war , he was elected senator for the Liberal Party . He served under Menzies and Holt . He had a lot of Minister roles : Minister for the Navy , Minister for Works , Minister for the Interior , and Minister for Education . When Holt mysteriously drowned , there was that whole leadership thing . McMahon was supposed to be Prime Minister . McEwen said no way . McEwen became Prime Minister with the understanding that when the Liberal Party voted in a new leader , he 'd be out . I think I got that right . I hope . He supported the Vietnam War . . . . which began to make him drop in popularity . My parents were just in Vietnam . I 've been looking at all their photographs . As Gorton became less popular , the Labor party began to be a threat . McMahon challenged his leadership . The catch was McEwen forbid the whole McMahon - as - leader thing . But then McMewen retired , and McMahon was free to become leader . Ah ! Malcolm Fraser had a fit about Gorton . He retired as Defense Mechanism . During his resignation speech , Fraser said Gorton wasn 't fit to hold the great office of Prime Minister . I have to say I feel a little bad for Gorton . I mean it might be true , but still . . . . Those are some pretty hurtful words . That 's why I 'd never go into politics . I 'm way too sensitive . Gorton called a Liberal Party meeting to settle the whole issue . It seems he had them vote on whether they thought he was a good leader or not . There was a tie . Gorton said that wasn 't a vote of confidence and threw in the towel . McMahon became leader . Gorton didn 't walk away with his tail between his legs . He got himself the role of Deputy Prime Minster and Defense Minister . A few months later , McMahon fired him for disloyalty . I love Holt , McMahon , McEwen , and Gorton . They 're awesome . Fascinating . Fraser and Whitlam too . I love this whole time period . If I had to pinpoint my favorite Aussie history time , this might have to be it . When Labor came into Power ( Whitlam , right ? ) , Gorton was in the Shadow Ministry . Then he resigned and became an independent . He did not like Fraser becoming Prime Minister . He passionately hated him . And he denounced the Whitlam dismisall . I 'm going to look at the National Archives of Australia Prime Minister Site . It has a picture . He is a bit unusual looking , but not bad . Someone did a pretty good job at fixing his face . Okay . Now I 'm getting more childhood stuff . Daddy Gorton and Alice had TWO kids . Our John was the second . This website talks about the older sister , Ruth ( who Lord Wiki mentioned as a half sister ) . She moved off to South Africa eventually . Was she Alice 's child , or Kathleen 's ? I 'm confused . There was a rumor that Ruth died in infancy , but she didn 't . I wonder how that rumor began . The site says that Gorton was born in Prahran . It 's in Melbourne and a lot of gay people live there . It 's a trendy type place . At least that 's what Lord Wiki says . I 'm going to have to learn all these Melbourne neighborhoods . I wonder if I 'll love Melbourne as much as Sydney . I 'm starting to feel a little twitch in my heart . That might be become some of my favorite bloggers are from Melbourne . I can 't help but fall in love with it . At some point , Gorton 's father told him he had been born in Wellington New Zealand . This is the birthplace he wrote down when applying to Oxford and RAAF . Interesting . Can you become Prime Minister if you weren 't born in Australia ? Gorton spent a lot of time with his maternal grandparents . They lived in Melbourne . His parents traveled a lot on business trips . Later , when Gorton five , the family moved to Sydney . Now I 'm getting more information about what happened to Gorton after his mom died . His father did leave him with Kathleen . And I guess Ruth was their daughter . Gorton had been told she had died in infancy . But surprise ! She was still alive . When he was sixteen , Ruth and Kathleen moved to London . Gorton did boarding school at the Sydney Church of England Grammar School . I can 't tell if this was before or after they left . Sometime after they left , Gorton moved to Victoria . He did boarding school in Geelong . He says this was the happiest of his school years . While there , he visited the homes of the unemployed in Geelong . What he saw influenced his life and carried over into his political career . The website says in his political career he was very anti - communist . And he was a Cold War warrior . That sounds like some kind of action hero . It kind of rolls off the tongue weird though . I think they 'd need to nickname him CCW . No . That doesn 't sound good either . . . . Gorton pushed some marital law through the senate . The website says if it had passed , his parents would have been allowed to marry . I think it 's about the grounds for divorce . Maybe Daddy Gorton couldn 't divorce Kathleen and that 's why he never married Alice . I guess Kathleen wasn 't good enough as a wife , but she was good enough to raise Daddy Gorton 's child . Gorton was hard - working , but kept to his own interests in politics . He wasn 't well known outside his circles . Then in October 1967 something happened that increased his popularity . Holt had some troubles involving VIP planes . There was some missing information that made the party look suspicious . Gorton found the information and saved the day . I THINK I 'm getting that right . When he was Prime Minister , some people accused Gorton of being a one man band . My dad was like that with meals when we 're all at their lake house . He wanted to do all the work himself . Sometimes it 's easier to do all the work rather than enlisting help from others . You lose a lot of control if you do the latter . But I think most people WANT to help . They want to be involved . Gorton sounds like a very fun man . The website says , Political commentators and his Coalition colleagues often referred to the ' Gorton style ' . They noted his friendly and relaxed manner , his approachability , irreverence , random brusqueness and perennial candour , his tendency to speak ' off the cuff ' , to be unorthodox and unpredictable ( to those who did not know him ) , and his careless habits of dress , the cigarette always in his hand and the jaunty grin . He did get in trouble for his adventures with the opposite sex . He had a very late night with a female journalist that caught people 's attention . Who knows what he was doing with her in the wee hours of the morning . It might have been innocent . But when a married man is with a woman that late at night , it looks suspicious . At least I think so . As for the Indigenous Issues . He supported assimilation . He was against land rights because he feared it would promote separatism . I think I 've mentioned this before , but I support assimilation . I don 't support the type of assimilation where everyone adopts the culture of white men . No way . I like the idea of many people coming together . They maintain aspects of their original culture , but at the same time though , a general culture is shared by everyone . The idealism of assimilation can cost lives though . I 'm reading a book now about the Holocaust and Australia . A lot of Jews were rejected from Australia because certain people worried they wouldn 't assimilate enough . I think there ARE Jews who don 't assimilate . They live in their own special world , like the Amish . But most of us DO assimilate . It might not be always to the point if intermarriage , but we don 't stick to only our kind . My feeling is those in need should be allowed into a new country . . . rescued . They shouldn 't be rejected because they might not assimilate . But once in the country , these rescued people should assimilate . . . . at least a little . They can keep their language and culture . But I think they should become fluent in the language of the country they live in . And I think they should adopt part of the culture . Then in return the dominant culture should borrow from the new cultures . Of course with that in mind , I 'd have to fault the First Fleet folks . They should have taken up the Aboriginal languages and culture . I guess it was impossible since there was no one dominant language . And many of the white folks did try to learn some of the language . That was good of them . Gorton wanted to restrict immigration from outside Europe . It seems he felt Europeans would assimilate better . The sad thing about the book , I 'm reading , is the Jews were often not counted as being European ; even though they were born and raised in Europe . But that was a different time period . . . . decades before Gorton was in power . I wonder what he would have done if he HAD been in power in the 1940 's . Reading the book really makes me angry at the people who are anti - Israel . The Jews were killed by the Europeans . Then the Americans and Australians would take only very small quantities . Where the hell were the Jews supposed to go ? I 'm not saying I support what the Jews do to the Palestinians . They 're far from perfect . But when people are against the actual state of Israel . . . . . There 's a HUGE difference between being against Israeli Policies and being against Israel 's existence . I have respect for the former . I have none for the latter . Back to Gorton . I love this quote from the website . Two views have emerged about the reasons for Gorton 's fall . One was that Gorton destroyed himself by being too much his own man . Another was that conservative Liberals brought him down because they were unable to accept necessary change , and were assisted by a virulent press campaign against the Prime Minister . When a lot of people are against you , it 's easy to begin to think you MUST be wrong . The power of conscensous can make someone feel very small . But sometimes the lonely one is NOT the wrong one . It says here that he voted against himself when he asked the Liberals to vote whether or not they wanted him to remain as leader . You know . . . . I think I remember reading about that when I researched McMahon . Actually , I think that 's why I added Gorton to my list . I wanted to know more about this guy who voted against himself . The website lists legislation that occurred during his Ministry . One of them was the Maritime Conversion Act of 1970 . This was when Australia changed to the metric system . . . leaving America alone in the dark ages . Before we visited Australia in 2007 , I thought it had always used the metric system . A lonely old security guard set me straight . This obituary talks about how Gorton was both a Nationalist and a Centralist . He shared my love for Australia . And he believes the whole of Australia should come before the individual states . The obituary says , in some respects , he behaved more like a reforming Labor leader than a conservative . Maybe that 's why he was unpopular in the party . Later , ( much later ) the Liberal party embraced him , realizing he wasn 't such a bad PM after all . I like him . He 's not perfect . I don 't like everything about him . But if I was going to divide my research victims into people I like and people I dislike , he 'd be in the smiley face category . He begins by saying , There has been a good deal of confusion of thought as to why we went to war , and as to what we can reasonably expect as the result of our military victory . We did not go to war to make a new and better world . We cannot expect to make a new and better world as the result of the exercise of brute military force . We can only expect to achieve the kind of world we want by the use of brains and effort during peace . We fought only to preserve , for ourselves and our children , that conception of political freedom and justice which was being attached by a tyrannous power . I think that 's very well said . It 's about context though . If I imagine someone talking about Hitler and the Nazis , I like the speech . If I imagine George W . Bush saying it about the Middle East , it 's a different story . Why ? I don 't know . In most cases , I 'm against war . But sometimes , I feel there really IS no choice . The problem is we all disagree on what wars are really needed and which are not . Where do you draw the line ? This is why I demand of you , in the name of the dead and returned , that you do not consider this war as a tasked finished ; that you do not regard this celebration as the last chapter of the book . Look on it rather as half - time ! a joyful occasion certainly , but only a break in the continous task . For tomorrow we must carry on again , and the tasks which lie in front us are immense and urgent as never before . Later . . . . . It will be hard . Without the spur and urgency of a war , it will mean a constant effort from all of us . But I am going to call on your imaginations . I want you to forget it is I who am standing here . And I want you to see instead Bob Davey . And behind him I want you to see an army ; regiment on regiment of young men , dead . They say to you , " Burning in tanks and aeroplanes , drowning in submarines , shattered and broken by high explosive shells , we gave the last full measure of devotion . We bought your freedom with our lives . So take this freedom . Guard it as we have guarded it , use it as we can no longer use it , and with it as a foundation , build . Build a world in which meaness and poverty , tyranny and hate , have no existence . " If you see and hear these mean behind me - do not fail them . I looked at Bill Heffernan on my list and had no idea who he was . But in the entry draft itself , I found that I had written that he was not so nice to Michael Kirby . For a moment , I couldn 't remember who Michael Kirby was . But that amnesia lasted for only a second . I soon remembered he 's the gay man who was part of the high court . I can even picture what he looks like . And I 'm often not good at remembering faces . Heffernan is a 5 in numerology . Those folks are supposed to be about freedom . This website describes the five as : You posses the curiosity of a cat , and you long to experience all of life . You love to be involved in several things at the same time , as long as you are not tied down to any one area . This number probably wouldn 't make the best spouse . Well , they might be a great spouse until they go on to find something new . Heffernan is a Pisces . I picture them as being spiritual people , but I should learn more . There has to be more to them than that . This website says , Pisces are sensitive , humane and often idealistic . People born under this sign react emotionally to everything making them compassionate and sensitive to those around them . My sister and one of her daughters are Pisces . This description fits them quite well . I wonder if it will fit Heffernan . My sister also shares Heffernan 's numerology number . But she does NOT remind me of a 5 . She 's so much more like a 6 . Extremely family oriented ! Her marriage and her family are the focal point of her life . Although who knows . Maybe this commitment is a way to hide her true feelings . Maybe secretly she wants to join the circus or something . I 'm trying to picture my sister on the trapeze . . . . . . He was born in Junee New South Wales . It 's south west of Sydney . It 's close to Wagga Wagga . Ah ! There 's a chocolate and licorice factory there . Cool ! And their food is organic . Even more awesome . Hefferman went to St . Josephs College Hunter Hill . It 's a Catholic school located in Sydney . Either his family moved there , or Heffernan did the boarding school thing . I 'm guessing it was the latter because next Heffernan went to Wagga Wagga Technical College . There he learned about wool stuff and welding . He returned to his birthplace and became a farmer . I think he still might be a farmer . . . . that along with being a liberal politician . Lord Wiki talks about his political career . Huffernan was on the Junee Shire council from 1981 - 1996 . That 's pretty long . Fifteen years . In the late 1980 's and early 1990 's he was president of that council . After that , he became president of NWS 's Liberal Party . Two years after joining the senate , he became Parliamentary Secretary to the Cabinet . I have no idea what that means . Maybe I 'll find out later . I 'm not finding anything easily on Google . All right . I 'm at the Michael Kirby stuff now . Nine days after his birthday in 2002 , Heffernan made accusations against Kirby . Ah ! I remember this now ! Hefferman accused Kirby of doing something . Sexual , I think ? Hefferman turned out to be wrong and Kirby very graciously forgave him . The accusations caused problems for Heffernan ; I guess because evidence didn 't back him up . His buddy Howard asked him to resign from being Parliamentary Secretary . On March 19 , Heffernan withdrew his claims . He didn 't resign from the Senate though ; and he was re - elected in 2004 . Mark Latham got into the game . He blamed the situation on John Howard ; saying Howard used Heffernan to run dirt campaigns against certain individuals . If that 's so . . . . wow ! How wicked is that ? He gets Hefferman to do his dirty work , then let 's him take the fall and asks him to resign . That sounds like an interesting relationship . . . . a lick - the - boots - that - kick - you kind of thing . It reminds a little bit of Jafar and Iago in Aladdin . In 2006 , there was even more drama . He had a public incident with a member of the National Party at the Canberra airport . He told Fiona Nash to blow it out her backside . Some saw this as being workplace harassment . Hefferman was forced to apologize . He did more dirty work for Howard ; tried to get a politician named John Brogden in trouble . He approached another politician named Alex McTaggart and told him he was Howard 's right hand man . Hefferman told McTaggart he had dirt on Brogden and tried to manipulate McTaggart into revealing his own Brogden dirt . Holy crap ! Heffernan said that Julia Gillard shouldn 't be a leader because she 's deliberately barren . What ? ! I 'm in shock here . I 'm not even sure what to say . How does having kids make you a better politician ? In some ways , I think it 's better NOT to have kids if you 're going to go into politics . I think you 're pulled too much into two directions . Although if the government did supportive things like providing a year of paid maternity leave , it might be a different story . I 'm not saying mothers shouldn 't have careers . I just think that some careers are very involved , and takes intense dedication . Something is probably going to end up getting neglected . It will be either the career or the child . Now if the father ( or Lesbian partner ) is willing to be the primary parent , than this shouldn 't be a problem at all . What Heffernan says pisses me of though . He says women who remain barren have no idea what life is about . It reminds me of what people some say about homeschooling . There 's the idea that homeschoolers are deprived . They 're unsocialized and missing out on an essential life experience . Yes , they are missing out on a SPECIFIC life experience , but it does not mean they 're deprived . Well , I guess you COULD say they 're deprived . But we 're all deprived of something . I 'm deprived of having five kids . I 'm deprived of having a career as a doctor . I 'm deprived of watching Grey 's Anatomy . I 'm deprived of living in Wyoming . We 're all missing out on SOMETHING . But that doesn 't mean we even WANT that something . And it certainly doesn 't mean we don 't know what life is about . It can make us feel greatly superior though , to look at others and think of how they 're missing out simply because they didn 't make the same choices we do . Like most mothers of only children , I 've been given grief about depriving Jack of a sibling . Well , I can turn around to those people and say they 're depriving their children of the wonderful experience of being an only child . So there ! In 2008 , he spoke about gene stuff . I don 't really understand it . He said , Patents should be for inventions , not for naturally occurring genes . I 'm guessing maybe he 's against gene therapy ? All right . I 'm done with Lord Wiki . I think I 'm going to go outside with Jack because he says the weather is nice . Then I 'll look at some other Bill Heffernan stuff . I 'm going to look at his Parliament website now . There 's actually nothing that exciting ; just lists his different positions and stuff . I 'm not going to name them all . If anyone is in interested , click on the link . That 's taking a long time to load so I 'm going to look at Bill Hefffernan 's website at the same time . They have a photograph of him on this site . He looks like someone who is a farmer and member of the Liberal Party . He also looks like someone who would be heavily involved with the Baptist Church . I 'm just saying if I was a casting director this would be the role I 'd give him . There 's another photo of Hefferman to the left of the page . He looks a bit like that actor . I forgot his name , but he stars in Babe . This speech was done on 10 December 1996 . I think at this point I lived in Los Angeles . It was probably a few weeks before I became a film school drop - out . Heffernan says , The Liberal Party , without fuss or fanfare , and certainly without quotas or tokens , has led the way to deliver more women to parliament . Yeah , let 's just hope none of them were barren . We wouldn 't want any girls who don 't understand what life is about . I 'm getting some childhood information here now . He had six siblings . He has been deprived of living in a small family . Therefore he doesn 't know what life is about . He should never be a leader . I do like what he says here , although I 'm not sure he means it in the way I 'd want him to mean it . It is an environment where we have learnt from the ancient skills of our indigenous people and from the recent lessons of land care that man is merely the custodian of the land and that planet survival demands a certain order of our water , land , plants and animals - - an order which when respected will provide for man . On the surface , I really can 't fault him on what he has said here . It sounds rather lovely . Oh , maybe not . What 's that order word mean here ? Is it like a food chain thing ? He COULD be saying that the world will be okay as long as we remember that humans are superior and more important than the other little creatures . He says , I am mindful that the cost to family life of political commitment is both high and well documented . I would not be here without the help of my Sydney foster family , Bill and Trish McPhee , the support of my family and my hardworking wife , Margaret , and my children , Kate , Will , Ted and Harriet - - all of whom have had to make considerable sacrifices . I wonder how many female politicians have this support from their spouses and children . Some of them might , and that 's great . But if they don 't , how do they manage such a career ? I have to say . I like this quote too . Many times I have observed the capacity of all Australians to pull together during times of war and national disaster . Is it too much to ask of the beneficiaries , of such capacity , to pull together in times of peace for social justice and a fair go for every Australian How does such an asshole come up with this stuff ? It IS rather lovely . So , he IS respectful of women . . . as long as they fit a certain role . It 's like Super Mom ; or Super Farm Mom . And there 's nothing wrong with being this type of woman . I think they deserve a lot of respect . I personally admire them . But it 's not the only valid life choice . Maybe the guy IS fairly eco - conscious . He says , Population growth is wearing down Mother Earth and swallowing up our farming land and agricultural water resources . Twenty - five per cent of the world 's agricultural land is degraded and 25 per cent of the world 's wild fisheries are overfished . If the world does not wake up , in 100 years there will be no tropical rainforest . It 's funny about the population growth though because earlier in the speech he pretty much boasted about coming from a large family . He also seems fairly supportive of Indigenous Australians . He says , My tribute also extends to my bush companions , our indigenous people , who live in rural and remote Australia . I share their love of the land and their concern for the loss of their timeless culture . They , like myself , sleep many nights under the stars , understand the value of a campfire and can read Mother Nature , her seasons and warning signals . They , sadly , often live in a mire of low self - esteem , shunned by the passage of time and technology . I can 't find fault in anything he has said here . He talks about the underdeveloped north . He believes Australia should tap into all the resources there . So , you use up the resources in one place and move onto a new place . It might come down to us having to do stuff like that . But can it be done in a way that 's not overly destructive ? I don 't know . If Northern Australia is mined and all that , what would be sacrificed ? What would be gained ? Would it all balance out ? And is it one of those things where there 'd be quick fixes that would lead to bigger problems in the future ? All right . Here 's his speech about the gene stuff . Oh , he 's NOT against gene therapy . Oops . I blundered that one . I think I 'm actually in agreement with him here . He doesn 't believe genes should be patented . He says , To realize the full promise of this research , raw fundamental data on the human genome , including the human DNA sequence and its variations , should be made freely available to scientists everywhere . Unencumbered access to this information will promote discoveries that will reduce the burden of disease , improve health around the world , and enhance the quality of life for all humankind . Okay . I 'm starting to have mixed feelings about this guy . He 's becoming less of an asshole to me . Well , maybe I should say I still feel like he ' an asshole . But he 's an asshole with some pretty decent ideas . You know who he reminds me of . . . . Mark Latham . Or maybe Ben on Lost ! They 're awful in some ways , but not so awful in other ways . It seems he might be involved in this gene stuff for personal reasons . He and his sister are against a certain company , Genetic Technologies Ltd , having sole control of gene testing for certain types of breast cancer . That sister and their other sister both had breast cancer . I 've looked into taking these tests ; I think when I researched Jane McGrath . The genes run higher in Jewish people , and we 've had breast cancer in the family . They 're really expensive though . I think it 's sad that medical tests cost so much . Does it really entail that much time and resources ? Or are people making huge profits from it ? I 'll admit that the price isn 't the only thing stopping me from taking the tests . I guess it 's the fear of getting a positive result . What would I do then ? The information isn 't definite . It 's not saying I WILL get cancer . It 's saying I MIGHT get cancer . And I could end up with a negative test . But I can 't be relieved about that because I still could get cancer . And if I don 't get cancer , I could get hit by a truck . Gene testing is a sticky thing . It sometimes gives us answers that will help us . But then other times it gives us answers that just make us lost and depressed . See . Yeah . Now I 'm reading all this and I 'm feeling scared again . And I 'm feeling guilty for not getting early Mammograms or something . But then once I feel guilty and consider doing it , I feel like a hypochondriac . There 's some stuff going on with the Beef Industry . Heffernan 's involved . I don 't understand it completely . It seems to have something to do with Australian 's industry being overshadowed , or taken over by Brazilian meat companies . One of Gillard 's responses to the whole event was , I don 't think Australian women need Bill Heffernan or anybody else to give them advice on how to live their lives . " We 're pretty good at making our own choices . Amen to that . Yikes . After all this research , I just realized I had been spelling Heffernan 's name wrong . I was spelling it HefferMAN rathe than HefferNAN . Oops . I had to go back and change all those . Anyway , now I 'm going to search the blogging world . . . . . This blogger reports that Heffernan threatened a security guard when the security guard confiscated his knife . Heffernan later sent a written apology . Heffernan does seem to end up apologizing a lot . I wonder how many of those apologies are actually sincere . This Canberra Blogger has some strong words for Heffernan and his barren comments . She says , Bill - thinking of women primarily in terms of their child bearing status is no longer acceptable . And Bill , I don 't want politicians to parent me , I want them to manage , to lead , and to have some vision for the future . Bill , I think it is time you retired . I like that . I agree with her on some levels , and on other levels I don 't . I have family members who have VERY different religious and political views than I do . They often say things that greatly offend me . They say things that disgust me . They say things that make me wonder sometimes how I can stand being in the same room with them . But the thing is I DO love them . And it 's not just love out of obligation . I know that despite our disagreements , there 's great good in these people . The person who offends me the most in my family is also one of the most loving , generous , and caring people in my family . We might not see eye to eye on things , but I know he has a huge heart . Fortunately , I 'm not famous and I 'm not faced with having to distance myself from family member 's wild statements . If I was in that situation , I think there 's a RIGHT way to do it . I DON ' T think it 's enough to say something ambiguous like We all have our own opinions . I love so - and - so , but I don 't necessarily agree with him on everything . That 's way too vague , and when I read something like that I hear I agree with him , but I don 't want to admit directly in public because then I might look bad . I think the right thing to say is something like I love my father . He 's a great dad . But I completely disagree with him about the Holocaust being a hoax . I think you can love someone with crazy views , even publicly love them . But if you don 't distance yourself from their VIEWS , than I 'm going to assume you share them . Posted by I read one of his children 's books while we were in Australia . Toad Away . A story about cane toads . Before reading the book , I saw cane toads in a very negative way . They 're disgusting invaders of Australia . They cause the death of native animals . They 're not good . But Gleitzman 's book made me see the toads differently . After reading it , I had some sympathy for the poisonous amphibians . As a whole they 're a nuisance . As individuals though . . . . . I don 't know . Studies have shown that animals have more intelligence than most of us want to imagine . I 'm not saying a Cane Toad could beat me at a game of Trivial Pursuit , but I 'm also doubting his existence is just a walking blob of nothingness . No matter how smart Mr . Cane Toad is . . . . we can 't deny that his presence in Australia has wreaked havoc on the fauna . But sometimes it 's not enough to just gently exterminate the creatures . Some people like to be kill them via various sporting games . But I know another animal that has probably created much more havoc to Australia 's ecology . They officially arrived in 1788 . And even their dark - skinned predecessors probably caused minor amounts of stress to the land . I 'm not saying I 'm against controlling animal populations . I think it might sometimes be necessary . I think though that it should be done with respect , and done as painlessly as possible . Next time we 're faced with an animal that we feel deserves death , I think we should imagine how we 'd feel if someone decided the planet would be better off without our kind . I imagined that recently thanks to the help of a certain Keanu Reeves movie . I do like books and movies that make me think about things in a different way . I liked Gleitzman 's book . Will I like Gleitzman himself ? Maybe ? Maybe not ? Thanks . At least you provide me with his birthday . January 9 , 1953 . Why do I feel like I 'm getting a lot of January birthdays lately ? Gleitzman is a Capricorn . This astrology website has this to say about the Capricorn : They strive always for honesty in their criticism of self , they respect discipline from above and demand it from those beneath them . In their methodical , tough , stubborn , unyielding way , they persist against personal hardship , putting their families and / or their work before their own needs and welfare to reach their objectives long after others have given up and fallen by the wayside . That doesn 't sound exactly like a man who writes funny books for children . But I don 't know the guy very well yet . If it doesn 't fit him , we might say that astrology is a load of rubbish . Or we could say that Gleitzman is a failed Capricorn . I have a feeling it has to be one or the other because the astrology site also says that Capricorns dislike fantasy . Yeah , from just reading Toad Away , I can assume that this trait does not fit Gleitzman . Gleitzman was born in England . His books are popular and read worldwide . That 's about all Lord Wiki wants to tell me . I shall have to look elsewhere . Gleitzman emigrated to Australia when he was sixteen . He started out as a television writer . In 1987 , he turned one of his screenplays into a novel . The Other Facts of Life . Oh ! This book sounds really good . It seems like a Lisa Simpson type thing . I definitely need to read it one day . Okay . Now I 'm going to read the website 's critical perspective . They say , His use of humour avoids gritty realism , lessens the possibility of anxiety for child - readers and enables him to present certain issues subtly and ( almost ) lightly . I wonder if Jack will like these books . Both Jack and I are the type of people who have a lot of fears and anxieties . I do feel that humor is sometimes the best medicine for folks like us . One of Gleitzman 's books ( Two Weeks with a Queen ) , deals with the subject of sibling death . I feel that it 's an issue too often ignored . When I used to be involved with Cystic Fibrosis , I met some of the siblings . I think it 's so hard on these kids . They have to face such a huge loss . But even outside of that , there 's so much they have to deal with . It 's hard to be the sibling of someone who is severely ill or injured . I know that from experience . It seems so many resources are focused on the ill children themselves . And I think those resources are necessary . But I also think resources are needed for the healthy children . There are a few programs appearing though . That 's good . Oh ! Maybe there 's more than I expected . That 's good . The website says this about parents in Gleitzman 's books . Colin 's parents are shown to be flawed but forgivable - they make mistakes , but they are well - intentioned and coping with a terrible situation . This is typical of many of Gleitzman 's novels - he writes honestly about adult shortcomings , and is firmly on the child 's side , but nonetheless shows sympathy towards struggling parents trying to do their best . It 's funny reading children 's books as an adult . I probably notice the parents more than I did as a child . And I think unfortunately I 'm very judgmental . I come down hard on Junie B . Jones parents . They seem so negative and invalidating . I also have trouble tolerating Peter and Fudge 's mom in the Judy Blume books . She seems a bit clueless at times . But I have to face the facts . If our life was a children 's novel , readers would probably be critical about my parenting . I have the best intentions , but sometimes . . . . . Well , let 's just say it 's often easier to do the right thing when the scenario is just in your imagination . When I 'm faced with reality , I sometimes end up being more harsh than gentle . Example : A week or so ago , Jack participated in a Hula Hoop contest with his cousins at a charity event . Jack 's Hula skills are equal to mine . He was out within seconds . His cousin meanwhile was doing quite well . The losers were supposed to leave the stage . Jack started crying and didn 't want to leave . He said he wanted to stay with his cousin . We took him off the stage immediately . I think THAT was the right thing to do . But then I was too harsh with him . I was horribly unsympathetic . I lectured him about how we all have talents . We talked about how he 's good at his things , and this is something that Darcy is good at . Okay , I still think all that is fine . BUT I should have still been sympathetic towards his feelings . There 's nothing wrong with being firm , but I think in these circumstances you also need to be gentle . Instead , I tried to make Jack feel guilty that he wasn 't acting proud of his cousin . I told him he was being rude for sitting there crying instead of watching and cheering for his cousin . In an ideal world , we would all be proud of each other - - never resentful and jealous . But unfortunately we sometimes have ugly feelings . During that year my sister was injured , I was called selfish on many occasions . And I HAD been very selfish at times . But I wish someone had told me that these feelings were normal . Common . I wish someone had told me I wasn 't a bad person for feeling these things . That 's why there needs to be support for siblings . All right . I 'm a bad mother sometimes . But I guess I 'm not as bad as some of the characters in Gleitzman 's books . The parents in Bumface sound quite awful . It 's about a child with a TV star mom . The TV mom is idealistic while the real mom is neglectful . I 'm definitely not neglectful . I ignore Jack at times and / or tell him I 'm busy . But I make up for it plenty at other times . I think that 's the usual story for homeschooling stay - at - home moms . I will say I 've become quite good at working while being frequently interrupted . Now the kid is ignoring me though . He barely gave me a hello this morning . During his childhood , Gleitzman ran to his birthday presents , tripped , and sprained his elbow . Ouch . Something similar to that happened to Jack . . . . but a bit worse . He tried to run ahead of us at the airport . . . . I think to get to the rental car bus . He tripped and fell flat on the ground . He broke his arm . It 's all healed now , but will probably be the cause of major psychological damage . The poor child can 't run without me calling out something like . Jack ! Be Careful ! I 'll kill you if you break another arm ! He said when he moved to Australia , the experience was so shocking that he stopped reading for a year . I wonder if that 's common . When I first became a mom , I found I was unable to read for awhile . Sometimes , you 're just too stressed and nervous . Although in my case , I think it was about the book . Someone had given me a book to borrow . . . one she heavily praised . I couldn 't get into it , but I felt obligated to read it . AND like it . Instead , I just avoided reading . I 'm not sure if I would have read more if I had a book I liked ; or if I would have liked the borrowed book more if I wasn 't so anxious . Who knows . I 'm finding it easier to find information about his books than about Gleitzman himself . And I kind of hesitate reading too much about his books because I want to read them for myself one day . That 's probably why this entry is mostly filled with me rambling on and on about my own life . Gleitzman will be ( or already is ) in Borneo doing author visits at schools . Also , while there , he 'll be speaking at a charity dinner . The proceeds go to Victoria bushfire victims . He 's currently involved with that campaign regarding Australian books and authors . I 've seen this thing before , and I don 't fully understand it . It sounds bad though . I know it has something to do with cheap books coming into Australia from abroad , and that will threaten Australian books somehow . Even though I don 't fully understand it , I totally support the cause . I 'd be devastated if Australian books disappeared . Gleitzman 's favorite books as a child were the William books by Richard Compton . I 'm not finding anything about these books . Oh well . I guess either I 'm looking in the wrong place , or their pretty damn obscure . He says as a writer , he believes in starting with a character and their problem . When I wrote fiction , I think I began things in the Stephen King way . A lot of What ifs . I guess that 's more about situation than conflict . But in almost all cases , the situation than brings about conflict . Regarding his career Gleitzman says , I 've always been lucky . I found out early what I was meant to do and it is never a chore . And that 's exactly why I 've quit writing fiction . At one time , I was like Gleitzman . I had millions of ideas . The words flowed . I felt comforted and excited at the keyboard . But later it all just became a chore . I started dreading my writing times and struggling to fill up my daily writing quotas . Gleitzman had actually written a whole trilogy of Nazi books : Once , Then , and Now . Oh wait . Now hasn 't come out yet . It 's a future book . Now is not now . It 's later . I am cracking myself up here . Thanks to this article , I have found the William books ! Thank you . I had been spelling the author 's name wrong . Compton instead of Crompton . The Crompton books are not very obscure . In fact , they seen quite popular . The article says he lives with his wife and stepchildren in Melbourne ; but he also sometimes lives with his ex - wife and children in Sydney . Interesting . I guess he gets along well with his ex - wife . That 's good . I like hearing stories like that . I love this quote from Gleitzman , Because kids are physically smaller , there 's an assumption by people who haven 't read a kids ' book for a long time that their ideas and themes and problems and ambitions must be commensurately smaller and less important . I would venture that sometimes the opposite is true . Beautiful . I can 't imagine how someone could see a child 's or teenager 's problems as being trivial . Yeah , sometimes children and teens make mountains out of molehills . But adults do too . . . probably just as much ! We as adults get annoyed with children when they have a tantrum for a new toy . Yet how many toys do we own ourselves ? Yeah , we probably didn 't have a tantrum for them . But we must have shared the child 's strong desperate desire to have that thing . Otherwise , why would we have bought it ? And I think it 's harder for a child because they have to depend on us to say yes or no . Jack and I talk about this sometimes . I say it 's sometimes better to be an adult because you get to make more of your own choices . But then it 's sometimes better to be a child because , in most cases , you have less responsibilities . It 's all relative though . Sometimes we scoff at other people 's problems because ours seem so much bigger and more important . But we have to remember that there 's ALWAYS going to be someone who has worse problems than us . How would we feel if they treated our problems with scorn ? Okay . I 'm going to feed my child , and then I 'm going to look at the official Morris Gleitzman website . I 'm glad I found that . Actually , Lord Wiki had a link , but I missed it at first . We 're back . We ate Tim 's leftover pancakes . For the record , my gourmet chef husband fails when it comes to pancakes . Mine are SO much better . Gleitzman says there 's a rule about author websites . They must include baby photos . Cool . I didn 't know that . Back when I was having the almost - constant Julian McMahon dreams , I had this very strong desire to see pictures of him as a child . I have no idea why . Of course all I could find was him looking grown - up and sexy . I searched and searched and never found what I was looking for . Maybe they 're out there now . I should look one day . But not now because I have to finish this . Then I want to play Sims 2 , give attention to my child , and obsessively check Twitter every five minutes . Baby McMahon shall have to wait . If you send in a self - addressed stamped envelope , he 'll send you a signed copy of Wicked Part Two . He even extends the offer to international people like me . Postage is expensive though . I 'm not sure it 's worth it . It 's probably easier for me to buy the book here somewhere . But I do deeply appreciate being included . If you 're sad that you have to start with the sequel , don 't worry . Gleitzman has the book online for free . I 'm thinking of reading it , but probably won 't . I spent too much time on the computer as it is . I need to read physical books because that gets me away from the screen . Oh ! Wait . I must have already been on this website earlier . I see the biography page I had looked at earlier . And this is where his childhood photo is . He 's cute . . . . riding a little tricycle . He says he has two offices - one in his Melbourne home and one in his Sydney home . I 'm very intrigued by the fact that he still lives with his ex - wife . I think it 's lovely though . I love his sense of humor . He 's asked if he 's recognized when out in public . He says no because he always put older photos on his books . He says , Which means people don 't recognise me when I 'm out and I 'm free to go into bookshops and put my books in front of Harry Potter books anonymously . That cracks me up . I am REALLY liking this guy . Am I gushing too much ? I like that he 's friendly towards his readers . I 've seen other author websites that are much less welcoming . One time I looked at the website of a certain young adult author . There was something so cold , protected , and serious about him . It turned me off of him . I never read anymore of his books . I keep loving this Gleitzman man more and more . He says , when asked about getting awards , Quite a few , but I try not to let my head swell too much . Most awards are given by small groups of people who are just expressing their very personal preferences . I like humble people . Another certain author ( I won 't name names ) fills almost every blog post with glowing reviews of her books . I first came across her blog because she came across mine first . Why ? I had written a negative review of her book . Now I don 't think I was nasty . I think I was very polite about it . I even said the fault probably lay with me . I 'm not that smart sometimes . The book went way over my head . Well , on her constant search of book reviews , she came across mine . She took a break from posting glowing reviews and did a post about recent bad reviews . My review was there with a link to my blog . I guess I could be grateful for the free publicity . I felt bad though so I left her what I thought was a sweet genuine comment . It was an apology with some philosophical stuff about the world being full of various opinions . Blah , blah , blah . She never responded to my comment . I felt snubbed by her . Maybe she 's just one of those bloggers who never reads comments . But I couldn 't help feeling that she was being petty or something . And now I 'm being petty . Yet I 'm so glad to get that all off my chest . Interesting . He says he can 't read fiction while writing his own because it messes up his own rhythm and voices . Because of this , he now reads mostly nonfiction . Ah , there seems to be a whole collection of Gleitzman photos on the site . He also has some of his old report cards . I think it 's great for kids to see you can get negative remarks from a teacher and then grow up to be successful . Gleitzman had mixed grades though . It seems he was good at English , French , and religious studies . It seems he did less well with science stuff . His quote about heroes is , Life is full of big problems that don 't have easy solutions . The heroes in my books are kids who wrestle with these problems and don 't give up , not even when they 've run out of dishwashing liquid . I like that . He says he 's very tidy ; maybe almost to an anal degree . He says , The trouble with being that tidy is that you get nervous about things that aren 't tidy . Like feelings . I 'm going to leave his website now and see if there 's anything in the blogging world about Gleitzman . No , well maybe not . I 'm feeling lazy now . And this post is probably long enough . I 'm loving Gleitzman , but I think I 've had enough of him for today . Besides , I want to go watch Jack do some Wii bowling . Posted by Hart was a Gemini . I have a Gemini niece . She 's seven years - old and is already excellent at reading Hebrew . My little niece is bilingual ! What does that have to do with being a Gemini ? Nothing . I just wanted to brag about my niece . Hart was born in Broken Hill , New South Wales . I wouldn 't mind going to Broken Hill . Tim and I want to go to the outback someday . I 'm not sure if I want to go to Alice Springs or Uluru though . I think I 'd rather go somewhere different from where most international tourists go . Although I think Broken Hill is a little touristy too . But we probably don 't want a place that 's completely isolated and obscure . I just looked at Google Maps . If we 're ever going to do a driving trip to Broken Hill , we should probably do it a time when we make Adelaide our city destination . It 's six hours from Adelaide . It 's about fifteen hours from Sydney and ten hours from Melbourne . He grew up on a sheep station . He did the correspondence school thing . I think he 's the first person I 've researched who 's done that . I think when I tell some Australians that Jack is homeschooled , this is what they picture . Although I think some American homeschoolers participate in correspondence school for their homeschooling . We don 't . But who knows . Maybe someday we will . Maybe for Jack 's high school years . In his young adult years , Hart worked in the mines . Mining used to be central to the economy in Broken Hill . Well , it still is . But because of dwindling resources , they 're trying to emphasize tourism as well . Lord Wiki says Hart began painting at age seven . I don 't get that really . What exactly does it mean ? He used paints for the first time at that age ? I doubt it . Jack would have him beat there . He painted for the first time when he was around a year old . Maybe it just means this is when painting became one of Hart 's primary talents / hobbies . In 1958 , he started painting full time . He would have been thirty . Four years later , he had his first exhibition in Adelaide . In between all that , he got married . The lovely couple ended up having five children . Hart paints the outback . He has a strong love for Australia and his town of birth . He chose to remain in Broken Hill , and opened up a gallery there . Lord Wiki says Hart uses his DNA as a mark of authenticity in his paintings . What does that mean ? Does he scrape his cheek cells and put them in the painting ? His blood ? Dandruff ? Lord Wiki doesn 't say . Well , it seems we don 't share a lot of political stuff in common . He was very pro - guns . He wasn 't a fan of the Labor party or Green Party . He believed in Government Conspiracy theories . Well , I believe in some of those to a point . I don 't take what any government says as truth and gospel . He supported Pauline Hanson ; even gave her money during her difficult time . Hart reads the Bible and collected car stuff . Yeah , we really don 't have much in common . He would probably fit in very well with that New Years / anniversery Party Tim took me too . They would have probably loved Pro Hart . In his later years , Hart developed motor neurone disease . He eventually died from it in 2006 . I have to look up this disease . I never heard of it until my friend Michelle mentioned it when we were in Australia . I was surprised there was a disease out there I haven 't heard of . I wondered whether it was really rare , or whether we had a different name for it in the United States . I meant to look it up earlier , but forgot . So , here 's my chance . Okay . According to Lord Wiki , this disease is what we Americans call Lou Gerhig 's disease . I HAVE heard of that . It seems there are different types of motor neurone disease though . Stephen Hawkings has it . I never knew what disease he had . All right . I 'm done with Lord Wiki . Now I shall move on to other websites . Maybe I 'll even look at some of Hart 's paintings . All right . Here 's a Pro Hart website . Oh . It 's the website for his gallery . Besides painting , he also did sculpture work with metal and stone . And he invented stuff . He sounds a little bit like Da Vinci . But maybe most artists are like that . Maybe those who paint are often also good at inventing . Although my ex - boyfriend painted , and I don 't remember him inventing stuff . He used most of his free time to smoke pot . The website says Hart liked Chinese take - a - way . Well , we have something in common there . I like Chinese food . Oh , but NOT Texas Chinese food . The Chinese food in Fort Worth is pretty awful . I love NYC Chinese food . I wish I could have some now . This website says he was disliked and mocked by the art mafia . What is the art mafia ? Is it a real entity , or are they just referring to general art snobs ? This article here refers to the Art Mafia . It says they attacked a guy named Peter Toyne . Toyne is trying to stop counterfeit Aboriginal art and Aboriginal Art sweatshops . Someone didn 't like that and they stabbed Toyne . I 'm doubting it 's the same group who disliked Hart . Since Hart believes in government conspiracies , I 'm guessing he has a touch of paranoia . Therefore , this art mafia might be more in his mind . . . an imagined persecution . Or maybe not . The world is full of snobs . But if there were snobs that rejected Hart and his work , it seems they didn 't diminish his career too much . The website says he traveled the world meeting kings , queens , and other such famous folks . I 'll find paintings that I like . This is like going to the art museum . I 'm feeling so cultured lately . The other day I listened to opera , and now I 'm looking at famous paintings . So far , I 'm noticing his paintings seem to have a lot of red in them . That 's pretty cool . When I think of Australia , red is the color I think of . . . especially when I think of the Outback . I have an Aussie tour book called Catriona 's Australia . It 's full of photographs . I don 't like the book though because the dominant color seems to be blue . It doesn 't feel like Australia to me . Australia for me is a rusty red . Sydney could be blue though . I guess for me Australia is rusty red and Sydney is turquoise . Okay . I 'm being weird . Well , it seems I can 't link directly to the paintings . I can link to the category though . I like these mining ones . His work reminds me of a certain children 's book illustrator . I forgot her name . Crap . I think it 's Allison . I 'll try to Google . Yes , it 's Allison Jay . Her colors are very different from Hart , but the style looks similar to me . Or maybe not . Now that I see her paintings . . . . I might change my mind . Maybe just the mining paintings remind me of her . The other stuff really doesn 't . I can sort of relate to that . I think I need to be doing something everyday . I put all this pressure on myself to have a post every single day . I think sometimes that this is too much . I don 't need to put all this pressure on myself . I 've made a new rule that if I 'm a certain number of posts ahead , I don 't have to do research ( or other long drawn out posts ) for that day . I can take a break ! A few days ago , I was that many posts ahead so I took a few days off . The first day was nice . It was great to get a rest . I was excited to have a " free " day . But by the end of my break , I was bored and feeling a bit empty . This is cool . Hart says with his correspondence school , when he was asked to write something , he 'd draw instead . And he says the teachers accepted this . Awesome ! Wouldn 't it be great if schools allowed children to express their knowledge in the way that suited them best . Some kids might take a multiple choice test . Some might write an essay . Some might do a painting or sing a song . Some kids might build something . I know there 's the idea that we all need to learn how to do a little bit of everything . I think there 's some merit to that . But what if we kept that plan to a minimum and most people put their focus on their strengths instead ? If you 're good at math , you spent most of your day in math classes . . . with an hour or so of basics in the other stuff . If you 're good at art , you spend most of your day in art class . I think schools would work out much better if they were like that . Ah , he was kicked out of the mines . Yikes . I wonder why . He says he was doing a lot of sketching while underground . Maybe that 's why . He did this thing sometimes ; dropped paint from airplanes . He dropped paint on Uluru . That was frowned on . I can 't blame the frowning people . I do support graffiti type art in some circumstances . But Ulura ? Uh , no . That 's probably not a nice thing to do . In the interview , he says that he doesn 't know where the nickname Pro came from . So , was Lord Wiki lying to me ? Using his imagination a bit ? Hart talks about how the mines were very dangerous . He would draw on the walls of the mine ; kind of illustrate stories of what the other miners had been up to . It sounds somewhat Aboriginal . He collects paintings . Hart says , If I liked something , I 'd buy it . I wouldn 't care about the name . I like that . Someone named Jon Hart ( maybe a relative ? ) says Critics I don 't think at first were too happy about an artist who had a high output of work . I think Stephen King gets a lot of flack for that . People sometimes frown down on those who are prolific . If you 're making too much of something it must be crap . Or you 're just making a lot of stuff so you can make more money . I 'm prolific when it comes to writing . I always have been . I wrote four - five novels the senior year of my high school . I didn 't get money for any of them . It 's just writing was kind of like my therapy . It was my savior . At that point in my life , I HAD to write . I would lock myself in my room after school and write twenty - thirty pages . I 'd finish a novel in about a month . Not everyone is like that . Some people work much slower . They take years to write a novel . I always thought there was something wrong with me . I thought my work would be better if I took my time . I tried SLOWLY writing a novel once . I lost interest in it quickly . I can 't write that way . I can 't do a little at a time . I have to do intense spurts . I quit fiction writing eventually and went to blog - writing . I see Bloggers who struggle to post on a regular basis . It 's like they have writing constipation . I have writing diarrhea . It just keeps coming out . That 's how I end up ahead of myself with posts . This is romantic . His wife says , Every time Pro 's had an exhibition on , he 's always taken the children and I with him , because Pro 's a real homebody and doesn 't like being away from home . So I was very lucky there . That 's incredibly sweet . We had moved to Nashville . The teachers at my new school were INCREDIBLY supportive of my writing . I think the librarian read every novel I wrote . And then one of the student teachers really stood behind me . I think having their support is another one of the reasons I did so much writing . I think every writer , artist , singer , photographer , dancer chef , craftsperson , etc . needs someone standing behind them . It could be a parent , sibling , teacher , friend , spouse , aunt . . . . whatever . I think the great thing about the internet is we all support each other . So those of us who lack support from family and nearby friends can get support from our online friends . It 's really great ! The article talks a little bit about the art mafia . I think it IS just about snobbery . The interviewer says , Do you think it 's because you 're not the sort of bloke that they normally find on the artistic cocktails circuit ? That could explain it . Hart names who he doesn 't like . . . . . Greenies , blooming environmentalists and all those creeps . I give them a rough time . But he does say he cuts some slack for the genuine ones . The interviewer asks what he means by this . Hart says , Some of them are fair dinkum , some really feel for the things . So I let them go . But it 's the stirrers ! Oh , God ! They 're a pain . I can understand that . I feel the same way about pro - life people . I think there ARE individuals who truly see a fetus as a baby . They really truly care and want to save a life . I might not agree with them on things , but I respect their compassion . Then there 's the pro - life people who simply love drama . They love participating in the fight of " good " vs . " evil " . They 'll harass people , make disgusting signs , come up with offensive slogans , etc . I really don 't think they truly care about the fetus . And I see it with other groups : environmentalists , vegetarians , lactivists , anti - circumcision folks , health food fanatics , Christians , evangelist Atheists , etc . I think some of these people truly care about their cause . But other times , I think it 's just about wanting to feel superior to others . Okay , I 'm going to go off on a total tangent here . Sorry . One thing I 've changed my mind about lately is religion . I used to be against religion . I thought it was the cause of the majority of society 's ills . Now I don 't think so . I think religion is fine in itself . My feeling is that it provides an excuse for certain people to behave in a certain way . For good people , religion gives them an excuse to do good things . God wants me to bake a casserole for that family who lost their baby . God wants me to visit the hospital and hold the hands of all the sick lonely people . God wants me to give to charity . Bad people will say : God wants then to push my beliefs on others God wants me to blow up that building . God wants them me to lock my child in the closet and starve her to death . If there was no religion , these people would all still find a reason to do their stuff . The good people would still visit hospitals . The bad people would still blow things up . So back to what Hart says , I think some environmentalists truly care . I think others just want a cause . And once they have that cause , they run with it . What am I ? I don 't know . I think I 'm MOSTLY the good type of environmentalist . I do my eco stuff because I 'm scared of what can happen to us all . I worry about our planet . But sometimes I can be a bit blind about it all . And sometimes I think I do think I 'm a snob about it . Look at me . I don 't use water bottles anymore . Look I have a reusable shopping bag . I truly wonder if I 'm always caring about the environment , or if I 'm sometimes just trying to uphold an image . Hart is a bit paranoid when it comes to communists . He says the unions are full of them . Yeah . They 're breeding them . They 're everywhere , you know . Reds are . . . Yikes . Ah ! Here 's a very recent article . It 's about one of Hart 's sons . Kym Hart says his dad was cracking jokes even when he was close to death . His wife was very fond of her famous father - in - law . She says , Kym 's dad and I were close . Pro had a way about him . Yeah , he just had a way . That 's very sweet . Paul Lonergan , who wrote a tribute about Hart , explains more about the art mafia stuff . He says , He felt it was because he just didn 't fit with their idea of what a proper artist should be . Which was left - wing , uncommercial and starving . That 's unfortunate . I think creative people should be judged on their work , not what they look like or believe . I say this as a bit of a hypocrite though . I know my feelings toward certain celebrities have changed once I knew they were from a certain political group , or followed a certain religion . But often when that happens , I end up seeing their work again and I forget that I 'm supposed to dislike them . An example would be Tom Cruise . We make fun of him and his Scientology . He can be a bit scary with all that . But I DO think he 's a good actor . I think he can be a brilliant actor . I 'm going to end here . I 'll leave us with a link to this blog . It has a picture of Hart 's painted car . I think it looks awesome . Posted by We had a nice drive there . It 's about an hour from our house . We listened to the Mamma Mia Soundtrack . We passed an IKEA and we talked about going there after lunch . That seems like an Australian thing to do . Now that I know about Australia 's love for ABBA , I pretty much associate anything Swedish with Australia . I wondered what the Down Under Pub would be like . Would it have authentic Australian food ? But then I 'm STILL not sure what authentic Australian food is . I think of lamb , meat pies , sausage rolls , and pumpkin . . . lots of pumpkin . But you know what food really screams Australia to me ? Thai food . I was disappointed with the restaurant before I even got there . Frisco is ugly . I don 't like it . I 've seen other places in the DFW area that look like it . It 's very flat and full of commercial retail crap places . There 's no pretty nature . The architecture is awful . It 's just blah ! The Down Under Pub is located in a large strip shopping center . The restaurant logo is an upside down map of Australia . It 's the same on their website , but I never really noticed it . The decor was disappointing . Most of it was American Sports crap and American beer . There were a lot of Australian license plates . I 'll give them credit for that . Also , near the toilets they had a photograph of Sydney Harbour . Jack got a children 's menu - - one that includes crayons . You 'd think maybe it would have something Australian about it . Maybe some Aussie animals ? Nope . It had dinosaurs . There 's a section that 's called Aussie Favorites . If you want to be a true blue Aussie , try our favorites . They 're bonza mate . What is bonza ? Is that a real Australian word ? I gotta look it up . Okay . It is ! Well , at least it 's in this Australian slang dictionary . I 'm not sure about the food they consider to be true blue . . . . They do have meat pies . That 's Australian to me . They have SHRIMP on the barbie - - not so Australian to me . But perhaps prawns on the barbie would be . Then the other foods are meatloaf , ribs , and pork chops . Maybe I 'm ignorant because of my vegetarianism , but I don 't think of them as Australian . I 'm not saying Australians don 't eat those foods , but it just doesn 't scream true blue Aussie to me . We also ordered chips . This was a moment of confusion . The menu has Real Aussie Fish and Chips . We just wanted the chips , but there was no side of chips . I pointed to the menu item and asked the waiter if we could get just chips . He looked at me completely confused . I think he said , Chips ? He seemed very lost . I don 't know what this guy was thinking . I 'm guessing he thought we were typical ignorant Americans and were randomly pointing to chips while asking for French Fries . I don 't know . The Meat Pie came with TWO meat pies . . . . talk about portion issues . I kept asking Tim questions about the meat pies . How is it ? Is it horrible ? Is it okay ? He tried to be nice ; told me it wasn 't too bad . He said it was at least better than the meat pie he had on the Manly ferry in 2007 . THAT had been awful . Tim said the pie at The Down Under Pub wasn 't too horrible . It didn 't have any gravy though . It looked dry ; like a pie pastry with ground beef . He added ketchup to it . I loved Jack 's French Toast . I thought it was one of the best French Toasts I 've had in a long time . But then I realized that 's because they didn 't have maple syrup . They had the cheap crap with high fructose syrup . That 's the stuff I grew up with , and I like it so much better than maple syrup . The restaurant , like most American restaurants outside NYC , had free refills . I got annoyed when they brought Jack a second pineapple juice without asking . But then I told Tim , hey but Australians would probably like this . They seem impressed with our free refill lifestyle . I 'm all for free refills . I think it 's great . But I think the waiters should ASK before bringing you a new drink . . . . especially when bringing a child a drink . One pineapple juice has too much sugar , but two is WAY over the line . Jack is mature and obedient to understand that he couldn 't have another full juice . He had a few sips and that 's it . But some kids might not be as reasonable . . . . specially younger children . And parents shouldn 't have to deal with it . So shame on The Down Under Pub for that . I asked the waiter about the restaurant 's history . He said it 's about eight - years - old . I asked who started it and whether they were Australian . Yes , the owner was . But the restaurant had been bought out a few years ago . The waiter told us they were trying to make it LESS Australian . He said it as if this was a good thing . Maybe I 'm reading into things . But to me it was like someone claiming they were phasing out veal or trans fat . He acted like the restaurant would improve once they rid themselves of most of the Aussie stuff . To summarize . . . . I did NOT like The Down Under Pub . I think I prefer the Outback Steakhouse . That 's bad , but not as bad as what we experienced today . I thought a generous thought for a moment . Maybe the Down Under Pub is a decent place . And it 's just not good for an American girl who loves Australia . But no . The food isn 't good . The service is mediocre . There 's nothing special about the place . Oh ! And the bathroom stalls are incredibly small . I could fit in because I 'm fairly short . I 'm not sure what a tall person would do . I guess use the handicap stall ? In those bathrooms , anyone over 162 centimeters is handicapped . We left the restaurant . We didn 't end up going to IKEA . Instead we met my sister 's family at Chuck E . Cheese . WhilMENU - They would use authentic Aussie terms - - chicken schnitzel , prawns ( NOT shrimp ) , chips ( NOT fries ) . They 'd have a meat pies and sausage rolls . Good ones . And of course they 'd have some vegetarian pies . They 'd have pastas and salads with pumpkin because that 's very Australian to me . They 'd have lots of Australian beer , and at least one Australian soda . DECOR - Aussie sports teams and maybe posters of Australian celebrities . Oh ! I know ! How about postcards from all around Australia ? I 'd also love vintage Aussie advertisement posters . That would be cool . STAFF - They wouldn 't have to be Australian . They don 't even need to fake an accent . But I would want them to have a love for Australia . I would want them to be familiar with it and knowledgeable about it . Although the Down Under Pub was a disappointment , I didn 't get incredibly sad or anything . I think I 've said before that seeing Australian things in America often makes me feel a bit melancholy . I didn 't feel that bad today . My only one brief sadness was when I first bit into Jack 's French Toast . For some odd reason , it made me think of Gina . And I missed her for a moment . Why does French Toast make me think of Gina ? I have NO idea . On a happier note , I have found my new favorite Australian candy . Curly Wurly ; the one that looks like it has a Wiggle on it 's wrapper . It 's chocolate with caramel inside , but the caramel has a slight saltiness to it . It 's a great yummy salty / sweet contrast . It 's not sickening sweet like a Rolo or Milk Dud . When Tim tried it , he said it reminded him of an old American Candy Bar . He couldn 't remember the name though . It turns out it 's the Marathon Bar . I can 't remember if I ever ate that . Hello ! You are probably here , because you 've seen me commenting on your blog and you 're wondering . . . " Who is this strange woman ? " Or you 've been reading my blog and am wondering " Who 's writing this weird stuff ? " I do like that you 're looking at my profile though , because that means you 're curious . I like curious people . AND you 're giving me attention . I like attention . So thanks for visiting ! I hope you 're having a safe , healthy , happy , and silly day . Or night . You might be reading this at night . I hope you 're not up because you had a scary dream . . . or have chronic insomnia . View my complete profile
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by Christine M . August 19 , 2016 This one has taken me awhile , but I have finally managed to get this post finished from our top bucket list trip to see Ayers Rock . My family and I went on our first trip to Australia a couple of months ago . We first visited Sydney and then flew to Uluru about a week later . I had received a postcard from a friend when I was a teenager from her trip to Ayers Rock and I have always wanted to see it in person since then . The trip did not disappoint and was certainly worth the over 20 year wait ! Here are some of our photos from our adventure to the Uluru - Kata Tjuta National Park : We had to start our first morning at Uluru way too early for the sunrise and guided base walk tour we booked through AAT Kings ! Anyone who knows me well knows that I am a night owl and not an early bird ! ! I promise you that it was all worth it in the end though ! This is one of my favorite shots from our visit to Uluru . It was so peaceful watching the changing shadows and lights displayed on this massive rock while the sun rose right in front of our eyes ! Truly a must see once in your lifetime ! This shot is of some of the Aboriginal rock art we saw during the Mala Walk . It was pretty exciting to see it in person ! There were several black spots on the top of the cave which was probably from the fires they had burning on the ground . It was pretty exciting to see this art work in person ! We decided to rent our own car for the drive over to see Kata Tjuta ( the Olgas ) . There are 36 domes which form Kata Tjuta . Mount Olga is actually some 200 meters taller than Uluru ! We were a little nervous at first as my husband would have to drive on the other side of the road for the first time . Last summer , we hit a tree trying to park the RV we rented in Florida and that cost us $ 1000 in damages ! Yikes ! ! It was a pretty quick drive over , so luckily all ended up being fine this time . It was a very hot day and the flies were a bit much , ( tip : definitely buy one of those silly nets that cover your head … we really wished we had ) but we still managed to have a nice hike ! A close up shot of these massive rock formations . Photos can never do it justice . You really need to see them in person to truly experience the awe of these stunning formations ! The highlight of our trip was definitely the opening night of Field of Light by Bruce Munro . We purchased tickets well in advance for the Sounds of Silence event which included a dinner under the stars overlooking the stunning Uluru - Kata Tjuta National Park with access to the Field of Light art installation after the yummy 3 - course bush tucker inspired buffet . The experience even began with canapés , Australian wine and beer along with local dancers and a funky sounding didgeridoo being played ! What an experience we will never forget and what a surprise to get to actually meet the artist , Bruce Munro as he was at the dinner along with his family for the opening night ! Danny and I with Bruce Munro , the internationally - acclaimed artist behind the Field of Light installation . We enjoyed chatting with him for a bit on the walk to the dinner area and hope to get the chance to see another one of his installations in the future . A big thank you to Mary from for taking this photo for us . She was a very sweet lady from Brussels who sat with us at dinner . Danny and Mia in front of the Field of Light display . I think we all could have happily spent all evening strolling through the display ! I wish we could have just laid down on the ground and spent the whole night there in the middle of the lights under the stars ! The surreal sight we saw of the Field of Light display in front of Ayers Rock at the end of our walk through the display . It will literally give you chills and is an out of this world feeling to see it in person . We truly felt that we were on another planet and I really tried to soak the sight all in for as long as I could ! We will never forget this truly amazing experience and will be forever grateful to have had the opportunity to finally make it to the Outback of Australia ! The end of our adventure to the Outback of Australia . This was one of the smallest airports we have ever had to land at . The plane had to use the same runway we landed on to turn around on to get to the gate ! by Christine M . April 18 , 2016 I have wanted to visit The Land Down Under since I was a little girl . Who isn 't curious about this country with such amazing things as cute koalas , kangaroos , surreal Uluru / Ayers Rock & the stunning Sydney Opera House ? My family and I have finally crossed off Australia from the top spot on our travel bucket list and we had an amazing adventure exploring the Outback , Sydney and the Blue Mountains areas . First up is our first stop to the beautiful harbour city of Sydney where we spent almost a week exploring . I will do two more posts from our other stops in Australia next . Here are some photos of our adventure in Sydney : We decided to try out Uber for the first time . It was the first time our driver had been out of the city and to the Featherdale Wildlife Park . To add to our adventure , at one point he ended up going the wrong way on one of the roads , but we eventually made it and overall it was a great experience ! The photos below are from the Featherdale Wildlife Park which was about a 45 - minute drive from the Shangri - La Hotel in Sydney : On our last full day in Sydney , we really didn 't want to leave without doing the Bridge Climb experience . It was another gloomy day , so we weren 't too sure if it would be worth it or not . Even though it rained on us once we were at the top , it was well worth it and we are very happy that we decided to do it at the last - minute . The photos below are from our Bridge Climb experience : My family and I with the stunning Sydney Opera House in the background ! Luckily , it hadn 't started raining yet when we made it to this part of the bridge climb ! It was a bit scary at first , but seeing the view from the top of the bridge was definitely the top highlight from our visit to Sydney ! by Christine M . March 31 , 2016 My family and I are currently on our first trip to Australia . This has been at the top of my bucket list since I was a little girl . I can still hardly believe that we are actually here ! I have always been a night owl , so it is quite rare that I actually get to see the sunrise . My family and I decided to book a sunrise viewing of Uluru ( Ayers Rock ) this morning . We had to get up at 4 : 15 am to join our tour which began at 5 : 15 am . It was a bit rough getting up for all of us , but well worth seeing the sunrise highlighting this stunning monolith sandstone rock right in front of us ! We also enjoyed walking around this sacred site and learning more about the Anangu people . I was quite surprised to see this evening that the challenge this week was half - light . I had a quick laugh as I thought it was quite ironic to have just done our sunrise viewing this morning ! I will post more photos from our Australian adventure later , but here are a few photos from this morning : by Christine M . December 13 , 2015 Oops ! I snapped a photo of this camel at the wrong moment ! Even the camel on the left thought it was pretty funny , too ! This week 's weekly photo challenge is to post one of our photographic Oops moments ! This camel in The Empty Quarter Desert was laying down and suddenly decided to stand up . However , they stand up in such an awkward way that this shot ended up looking pretty funny . The best part was later seeing the grin on the other camel to the left once I downloaded the photo ! My family and I recently visited this stunning island which is located only about a 2 . 5 hour drive from the Abu Dhabi International Airport . The island is accessed by a quick 15 minute ferry ride across the tranquil turquoise sea of the Arabian Gulf . The island has its own airport with accessible flights from both Abu Dhabi and Dubai . For the more adventurous , there is also a seaplane that you can charter for a more unique arrival . There are three Anantara Eco - Friendly Resorts to choose from on the island . The main resort is Desert Islands , which is located on the coast . The second is Al Yamm which is also located on the coast with 30 luxury beachfront and lagoon villas . The third resort , the Al Sahel Villas is the one my family and I stayed and was definitely our favorite . Your villa is nestled amongst the Arabian Wildlife Park and free - roaming animals can be seen all around the property . There are numerous adventurous activities to choose from . Our first morning we did the safari drive , which I highly recommend . As we boarded our Land Cruiser Game Viewer , it was hard to believe we were in Abu Dhabi and not Africa . We saw numerous animals including gazelles , deer , giraffes , and even cheetahs . We also took a kayaking trip through the mangroves which was very peaceful . We even managed to spot some sting rays and flamingos . Our guides on both activities were extremely informative and friendly . Activities book up during peak times , so I would recommend making reservations in advance . The dining options were another highlight of our trip . Each morning , we ate at the Savannah Grill at Al Sahel . Although the pictures and videos don 't quite do it justice , I 've tried to show just how amazing it was each morning having breakfast right next to the amazing wildlife . We also took the opportunity to eat at Amwaj at Desert Islands . Located beachside , this seafood restaurant did not disappoint . For our last dinner , we did the Boma BBQ at Al Sahel . With a bonfire and traditional African dishes , it was a memorable family dinner under the stars . This is our second visit to an Anantara resort . The first being Qasr Al Sarab ( which I 'll write about next ) . Both of which have made it onto our Top Adventures List and have an exceptionally friendly staff and perfect serene settings for a unique and relaxing holiday . by Christine M . November 16 , 2015 I received a notification from WordPress yesterday that it had been 3 years since I started this blog ! Where has the time gone ? ! I have unfortunately not done much blogging this past year . I guess it means that we are staying pretty busy and really enjoying our 2nd expat experience . I was very surprised to see that people from 113 countries have now visited this blog . It 's hard to believe that people still stop by even though I have not been posting anything lately . I guess it 's time to get back to some blogging ! I truly appreciate those of you who have stopped by here at Red Pin Adventures ! I 'll be posting a few things very soon ! ❤️🌎 After an adventurous ride on the camels in this photo , my family and I were able to take a break for some much needed water and had fun running up and down some of the massive dunes in the stunning Empty Quarter Desert . I happened to look over to where the camels were laying down enjoying their break and noticed one of the guides starting to get the camels up and then they all started their journey back to where they stay . I started snapping shots of them as they were leaving and then the camel guide suddenly turned and looked at me . To my surprise , he then smiled and held up the peace sign ! I watched them for as long as I could until they faded away into the desert and the hazy sand . Mia and I relaxing and enjoying the breathtaking view of The Empty Quarter Desert . The Rule of Thirds : This is one of my favorites when it comes to photographic composition . I love to see photos that are off - centered . I believe my hubby did a great job capturing Mia and I as we enjoyed one of those special serene moments in life we will never forget ! " Depth " from the World 's Tallest Building in Dubai . I took this from the At the Top observation deck at the Burj Khalifa . This building is over 828 metres ( 2 , 716 . 5 feet ) and more than 160 stories tall ! This is one of my favorite shots from while we lived in Finland . This was our last month there and it was during the Vappu ( May Day ) celebration . After a very dark and cold winter , it was the most exciting day we had seen in Helsinki all year ! Although it was still gloomy , it was amazing to see so many people out and about and truly having a great time . We had no idea so many people actually lived in Helsinki ! This candid shot my husband managed to get after we danced around for a long time with this crowd is my favorite not only because it shows the genuine good time Mia and I were having on our faces , but also because of the people of Finland it shows in the background . There are so many expressing themselves : The bright pink lady blowing her whistle , the lady with the plaid long skirt banging on her tambourine , and the guy behind me showing the peace sign . I also had no idea there was a guy that looks like Kid Rock to the left of us and a very sad faced guy with pink bunny rabbit ears to the right of us ! Good times ! ! I started this blog 2 years ago , and it was right before my family and I made the big life changing move to Finland ! We have been very busy settling into our new home ( our 2nd expat experience ) , so I have been a little behind on keeping up with my blog lately . We even had to purchase a car this past week ( something we didn 't need while living in Finland ) . There is so much more to see and do here and it can be quite overwhelming at times . We are hoping to see and experience as much as possible while we are living here . When I decided to start this blog , I never knew how much it would actually change my family 's life . There is so much more adventure and excitement and we have all made friends from many different countries and cultures . Our upcoming year will be full of adventure as well … and will include a visit to Australia , New Zealand , Italy , Desert Camping , Sea Kayaking , and Golf Lessons just to name a few . We are truly grateful for all we have experienced since starting this blog and are looking forward to many more adventures ! Thanks so much to everyone from the above 97 countries 🌎 who have visited my blog in the past 2 years ! I would never have imagined it would be viewed in so many places around the world . It is pretty cool to see how many countries are now colored in on my WordPress stats map ! I am now encouraged to focus more on my blog and get some more posts written . Our visit to St . Petersburg , Russia is finally up next and I 'm really looking forward to getting back into reading more of my fellow bloggers ' adventures too ! Cheers to another year of blogging ! 🍷 by Christine M . November 5 , 2014 This series of photos are from the Suomenlinna Sea Fortress in Finland . It was a very cold and breezy day , so there were not a lot of people visiting the fortress . We decided to go down this empty street where we stumbled upon a big friendly kitty and around another corner I spotted a guy standing on a boat coming out of one of the buildings . It matched with the building nicely , so at first I thought it was a part of the building . I believe it is a boat that was just finished being built and was making its ceremonial descent down the little ramp and into the sea ! There was a Finland flag flying and as you can see from the last photo , they lowered the flag right after the boat had successfully made it ! by Christine M . October 12 , 2014 The weekly photo challenge this week comes at a perfect time to introduce our new kitty named Frida ! This kitten is an Arabian Mau , and was rescued from the streets by an amazing lady named Jackie who runs a cat rescue group here . It took us about a month to get her healthy , but she is doing great now and loves to play . This is a very rare shot as Mia hardly ever takes a nap … little Frida had jumped on Mia 's back while she was sleeping and then she also fell asleep . I ran to get my camera and snapped this shot . Mia had no idea that Frida slept on her back until after she woke up and I showed her this photo ! 💞 by Christine M . August 24 , 2014 I have been nominated by my high school classmate , Melissa ( Missy ) Y . , who is currently battling this progressive neurodegenerative disease . If anyone has any doubts about this challenge , I believe her post below shows that it is certainly making a difference , especially to those who are currently battling ALS . This has been a very successful campaign for the ALS Association and has brought in an extraordinary amount of donations in such a short time . I have accepted her challenge , and would also like to encourage my fellow bloggers and readers to help continue the momentum which brings more awareness and funds to help those currently living with ALS and their families and to hopefully one day find a cure ! Update : Thank you to everyone who has donated at one of the above links so far ! I normally do not post my blog posts to Facebook , but have been amazed at the response and those who have let me know that they have donated and also doing the challenge now . I know that Missy is grateful for those supporting her and this ALS fundraiser . It certainly gives hope for a cure ! Share this : TwitterFacebookEmailPrintRedditPinterestLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted in Charity , Life , Uncategorized • Tagged ALS , ALS Association , ALS Therapy Development Institute , Ice Bucket Challenge , Lou Gehrig 's Disease , Red Pin Adventures Weekly Photo Challenge : Fray During our last month living in Finland , we finally took a weekend to visit the lovely city of Stockholm , Sweden . After our trip , we had really wished we had visited sooner ! It was pretty cheap to travel there from Helsinki and only about an hour flight away . We were really missing out as there is not much to do in Helsinki , but Stockholm had a totally different feel and felt like a true international metropolis . It would have been nice to have been able to spend a couple of weekends there to really explore the area and more of the archipelago islands . Here 's some photos from our weekend trip exploring Stockholm : The Vasa is a stunning ship which sank on its maiden voyage in 1628 . It never even left the Stockholm harbor ! It was raised some 333 years after it sank . We couldn 't visit Sweden without trying out the Swedish Meatballs ! The Rökeriet Restaurant at the Fjäderholmarna Island was a lovely treat . Our server brought us the most amazing strawberries we have ever tasted at the end of the meal ! We never leave to the airport without making sure we have Mia 's Junior Pilot hat ! It 's considered one of our good luck pieces while we travel . We have always wanted to get a picture of her and a real pilot with their hat on too . We finally found a nice pilot at the Stockholm Airport who was happy to take a picture with her . We do not know his name , but a great big Thank You to this Norwegian Airlines Pilot ! 🙂 For this week 's challenge , I have chosen another photo from our day trip earlier this year to the Suomenlinna Sea Fortress . I will add a post with more photos from this trip soon . A UNESCO World Heritage Site , located on a group of islands off of Helsinki , Finland . by Christine M . June 20 , 2014 For this week 's photo challenge , I have picked the following photo which is us " between " homes again ! This is at the airport in Helsinki , Finland … Moving again to another country with only suitcases ! We are still in the " between " process and will move out of our temporary hotel to our new place next week ! And now onto the Blog Hop ! First off , thank you to Sandy @ Hoarder Comes Clean for picking me as a fellow blogger to participate in this blog hop ( my very first one ) . You can check out her blog hop post here : Sandy 's Blog Hop Post . Sandy 's blog features wonderful before and after shots of her decluttering process at her home combined with the weekly photo challenges . She is a true inspiration for me as I am consistently working on simplifying my life ! I am so much happier with less stuff ! So here goes , the following four questions for this blog hop are about my writing process : I am currently working on playing catch - up on my blog . I am very far behind on writing about our adventures . After a whirlwind rush to see all of the Scandinavian countries as well as Russia before we moved away from Finland , my family and I have been staying in a hotel for the past three weeks while we are getting settled into our new life in another country . My next post will be about our trip to Stockholm , Sweden . It was only an hour flight from Helsinki and after our weekend trip to Stockholm , we really wished that we had visited there more often since it was so close by and pretty cheap to travel there from Finland . I believe the flight only cost 39 euros each way ! I will then work on a post about our weekend trip to St . Petersburg , Russia which we managed to squeeze in our last weekend before we moved ! I believe my work / writing differs from others of its genre by mainly focusing on my photos to tell the story of our adventures . I take hundreds of photos on every trip that we take . I noticed that I really tend to spend more time at my fellow bloggers ' sites that have more photos in their posts . I tend to be a more visual person and therefore , I really enjoy taking photos and love to share our experiences in other countries while we travel through my photos . I really hope that my posts encourage others to really try to get out into the world and see as much as they can see even if it 's in their own city . It is amazing how much you can miss out on right in your own backyard ! I think many of us get so caught up in the everyday grind . We noticed that we were guilty of this after living in Florida for 25 years and were about to move to Finland . We suddenly felt the need to make a Central Florida bucket list ! How did we miss out on seeing so many things while living there for so long ? It was certainly a life changing experience for us . We now try to hit the ground running on every new adventure and really enjoy seeing so much more of the world ! We have seen more in the past two years than we saw in our entire lifetime up to that point ! Oh boy … where do I start on this question ? ! ? To be honest , my writing process is a complicated mess at times ! It starts off of course with me taking hundreds of photos on a trip . I also pick up tons of brochures and magazines while we are traveling . We tend to also not do too much planning before we travel . Surprisingly , there are many trips that are booked only the week or a few days before we go ( yes , we enjoy being spontaneous as we get older ) ! I believe this has started only because we have simplified our lives in the past two years . We don 't get as stressed and have learned to do things on the fly ! Sometimes , I can write a post pretty quickly after a trip , and others may take me weeks to get into the spirit of writing and sorting it all out before I hit publish on a post . The part that takes me the longest is sorting through the hundreds of photos . I first bring them into iPhoto on my MacBook Pro and write the numbers down of the photos I would like to use . I also sort through all of the magazines and brochures so that I can correctly label the photos . I also try to brainstorm a few words that remind me of the location and write those down . I then decide on what links to add at the bottom of my posts which I believe would be of interest of someone who may want to visit the location . I then go through several save drafts and then I finally hit the preview button to see how it looks and then make final changes ( usually grammar ) before I hit Publish ! ! It is always very exciting and a great sense of accomplishment once I hit that publish button ! I hope you enjoyed reading about my writing process ! I am very happy to pass on the baton to a fellow blogger who is very similar to myself and who 's blog I enjoy following . Amy @ Créatrice Mondial ( French for " Global Creator " ) , also lived in Central Florida while in college and found my blog while I lived in Finland . She is a fellow artist and also shares my love for traveling and I know you will enjoy following along with her adventures as well ! You can read her blog hop post here : Amy 's Writing Process by Christine M . June 13 , 2014 Norway ranks at the top of my list of places to see in Scandinavia . The peacefulness you feel while in Norway is something you will never forget . I try to show what my family and I experience through my words and photos on this blog , but sometimes I feel that it is hard to do a very special place the justice it truly deserves . Norway is certainly one of those places . You really need to go there in person to experience the calmness , fresh air , and the true majestic beauty of it all . No wonder it was ranked at the top of the list for most happiest countries in the world * ( see link below ) ! Maybe it is not our recent move that is taking me a long time to show our full Norway adventure ( we have been staying in a hotel the past two weeks until we find a new place ) , but I believe I was really having a hard time deciding how to show such a magnificent place the way I thought it needed to be seen . I think the best I can do at this point , is to forget about what to say in words and just show the photos and hope my two posts on Norway will inspire others to add Norway to their list of places to see ! So , here we go … . our Norway in a Nutshell experience in photos : We made it to the end of the route at the stop in Flåm ! Next , we spent a little time eating lunch and shopped in the enormous gift shop during our break after the train ride ! About an hour and a half later , we boarded the amazing Fjord1 cruise to Gudvangen ( Aurland , Undredal , Nærøyfjord , and the majestic Sognefjord - the longest and deepest fjord in the world ) ! Mia having fun on the cruise … . and one of the funniest moments of our trip . After about 45 minutes into the cruise Mia shouts out , " When are we going to see the Fjords ! ? ! ? ! " Danny and I were completely stunned ! She thought when we explained to her what we were going to see on the cruise that the fjords were actually glaciers ! ! Oh boy , I guess we should have explained it a little better ! ! Love our funny little girl ! Now one of our inside jokes as we are traveling is " When are we going to see the Fjords ! ? ! ? ! " I now need to add glaciers to our list of things to see ! ! 😉 by Christine M . May 27 , 2014 Norway has to be one of the most breathtaking places I have been so far in my travels ! If you only had time to visit one place in Scandinavia , I would certainly put Norway at the top of your list . This post will include the last part of our Norway in a Nutshell tour ( Voss & Bergen ) . I will post the 1st half of the adventure in my next post ( Oslo , Flåm Railway & Nœrøyfjord ) . I 'm posting them backwards so that it will show up on the blog in the correct order on the home page . Here are some highlights from the second part of our Norway in a Nutshell adventure : Mia playing in front of the Lake . She has always been our " water baby " . She is the happiest when she is in the water or close to it ! Mia and I with some " Twisty " jellyfish at the Ripley 's Aquarium of the Smokies in Gatlinburg , Tennessee . Those who know me well know that I am extremely terrified of these . I was attacked by them pretty badly at the beach when I was a teenager and had to be rescued by a lifeguard ! ! Share this : TwitterFacebookEmailPrintRedditPinterestLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted in Adventure , Photography , Travel , Uncategorized • Tagged Red Pin Adventures , Weekly Photo Challenge Weekly Photo Challenge : Work of Art Vangsvatnet Lake in Voss , Norway . I appreciate nature as an amazing work of art which we can enjoy everyday . I just sat on a rock in front of this view for about 15 minutes and just soaked all of the beauty of it in ! Ahhhhhhhhh … . by Christine M . April 7 , 2014 For this weeks challenge , I have chosen 3 photos . The first one shows this past years point of beginning for my family after we donated almost all of our belongings and left Florida with only suitcases and moved to Finland ! It was a new beginning for us with so many changes and certainly at the time , a very scary new adventure ! ! Well , almost one year later , it is not so scary anymore and our lives are much more simple , peaceful , and at times pretty adventurous ! It has changed us all in so many ways and we have now been to so many wonderful places and experienced some pretty amazing things like seeing the northern lights in Lapland ! ! by Christine M . March 27 , 2014 All the snow has melted here in Helsinki , and it is finally starting to really look like spring after a little tease we had a few weeks ago . Mia was lucky to wake up on her birthday to a beautiful fresh snowfall , which I am hoping was the last one for the season . I am way behind again on a blog post , but I have plenty of photos to share from around beautiful Helsinki during the winter as well as a few shots from a few places we have visited in the area . I am very happy to say that we managed to survive the darkness and a winter in Finland . We brought Florida with us and were very lucky as we heard this was the mildest winter in Finland in the last 20 some years ! My family and I are flying up to North Finland ( Lapland ) this evening for one last shot to see the northern lights . We are also signed up for skiing lessons as we have all never been snow skiing before . We only have about two months left here in Finland ( yes , we are on the move again … this time to some place warmer ) ! I will post photos next week from our adventure this weekend and hopefully some aurora shots will be included . I am better prepared this time and have a tripod packed and ready to go … Aurora hunting here we come ! ! by Christine M . January 27 , 2014 I thought this turned out to be an interesting shot from Gatorland in Florida . I had lived in Florida for 25 years and never made it to this popular attraction until right before we moved to Finland . My family and I had a lot of fun ! Share this : TwitterFacebookEmailPrintRedditPinterestLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted in Adventure , Photography , Travel , Uncategorized • Tagged adventure , Florida , Gatorland , nature photography , Red Pin Adventures , Weekly Photo Challenge Weekly Photo Challenge … Window It 's 2014 and my family and I just returned to Finland a few days ago after spending three weeks back at home in Florida for the holidays . We have gone nonstop for the past year with the move and my husband 's busy job , so we really needed some time to recharge , thaw out , and just turn everything off for a couple of days . We were successfully able to do so mostly because my dad decided to put in this amazing koi pond for my mom a little over a year ago . My mom is from Okinawa , Japan , and one of her dreams has always been to have a koi pond in her backyard . Well , my dad jokes that he has heard her say that she has wanted one the whole time they have been married ( 40 years this year ) . So , if he was going to finally put one in for her , he was " going to make damn sure it was a really nice one , so he wouldn 't have to hear about one for the rest of his life ! " Well , he successfully did so after finding a company that installs koi ponds in the Central Florida area and to our surprise , construction finally began on my mom 's koi pond and was finished in only a couple of days ! This corner of their backyard has turned into an amazing sanctuary where you can sit on one of the benches and listen to the sounds of the waterfall and truly feel yourself completely relax . My daughter Mia has spent hours upon hours playing and catching little minnows and frogs at the pond . There is even something so tranquil about feeding the koi ( nishikigoi ) and watching them come to the surface and swim around each other while they eat . There is a lot involved in the pond such as the pump , waterfall feature , bubblers , UV lighting to control the algae , the filter , and testing the water . But , overall there is not much upkeep to it other than feeding the koi everyday and cleaning out the filter . There are about 30 koi total in the pond as well as minnows and frogs . The plants have really grown in since the install and although the lily pads that were originally put in looked really nice , they have all been eaten by the koi . Here are a few photos of the koi pond in my parent 's backyard : by Christine M . December 31 , 2013 2013 is coming to an end and this is what is coming to my mind , " Oh my , what a year it has been ! " For my family and I , it will always be a year that we will never forget . It was filled with excitement , laughter , ups and downs , and even some " what the heck were we thinking " moments ! This was the year that our family decided to donate 3 / 4 of our belongings , remove toxic people and things from our lives , move to Finland with only suitcases , and basically simplify our lives in so many ways . We also spent a lot of time focusing on our travel bucket list , and as we reflect on this past year , we have so much to be grateful for . My friend lost her baby girl , Jaedyn , at only 16 months old after a tragic accident . Jaedyn would have been 10 years old this year . Since I can remember , my daughter Mia has always picked up rocks wherever we went . She has probably picked up a thousand by now ! I would find them everywhere … at the bottom of my purse , in my pockets , her pockets , and her daddy 's pockets . She even has a very nice collection of them on her window sill in her room in Finland . So , after receiving this email from my friend , I knew this was a perfect job for my family and we started to pick up rocks for Jaedyn on our trips that we went on . Here is a photo of precious Jaedyn which was taken only three weeks before the accident : I will end 2013 with this photo of my daughter Mia with one of her rocks she has collected and a quote that I love about when a child gives you a rock . I would also love to hear any of my fellow bloggers ' stories about their children and rocks as well as any special things that you do for those who have passed . Thank you all for following along . I wish you a very Happy 2014 and a new year of peace and many exciting adventures ! Dog sledding with the huskies was probably one of the most exhilarating and relaxing experiences of our lives . The huskies were so excited before we went off for our ride … they kept doing this weird jump that reminded us of a fox while hunting . They couldn 't keep still and could hardly wait to go on the run ! ! We signed up for a one hour safari at the resort where we were staying ( Santa Claus Holiday Village ) . When we signed up for the safari , we had no idea that my husband would be the one to actually drive the sled . Wow ! ! He had to go through a little lesson on how to use the brakes by pressing down on a wedge with his foot that went into the snow . He was also told how to assist the huskies while going uphill by pushing off in the snow with his feet . Mia and I sat in the sled and were covered in blankets since we were going on a pretty long ride . There was one sled in front of us with our tour guide and another sled behind us with another dad and his daughter . After the huskies took off for our ride , all you could hear was Mia and I screaming with such excitement for about 10 minutes straight ! ! We were not expecting them to go so fast and we also went through such a twisted path at the beginning which went so close to so many big trees covered in snow . We kept thinking our sled was going to run right into them ! ! After the first 15 minutes of total excitement , we found ourselves in the middle of the most beautiful snow - covered forest . We were able to sit back and truly enjoy being in the Arctic Circle and Lapland ! There were moments during the ride that we could not see the sled in front or back of us and it was just my family and I alone with the huskies in the forest . Although our tour started at noon , the sun was already setting around 1 : 00 . The sun would rise around 11 : 00 and would be set by 2 : 00 , so there was very little daylight there . Here are some of the photos I was able to get while riding in the sled and a few shots from right after our exciting ride : One of my dreams has always been to see the Northern Lights in person . We knew that it could be hit or miss when trying to see them . We only had two nights to see them and we had no luck the first night of our trip even though the sky was completely clear that night . So , we had one last night and I was really hoping that we would get to see them on our trip to Lapland . I researched the internet to see what our chances would be that evening and what the best time to go out to look at the sky for them . I found out that the best time would be between 10 : 00 and 11 : 00 , but we only had a moderate chance of seeing them according to the Auroras Now ! website . It was so cold ( - 6 F ) and we could only stand to be outside for short periods of time , so we got all bundled up and headed outside at around 10 : 00 . We looked around and didn 't see anything and then I noticed a slight arched light gray hazy line about 2 feet in height started to form across the sky not far from the horizon . We decided to climb up this snow mound close to our cabin and waited to see if anything would appear . Then slowly right before our eyes this arched line started to change from the grey to orangish to a bright green ! ! It would change in shape and disappear and then slowly appear again and at one point took up much of the sky at the horizon . We were in complete shock ! ! ! The whole show only lasted about 20 maybe 25 minutes top . I wish I was better prepared to take photos … I didn 't even have a tripod ! I hope that one day we will have the opportunity to go back and I will be able to getter shots . Here is what we were able to get … Not great , but I 'm sure you can tell that they are the Northern Lights : The Northern Lights only gave us a show for about 20 minutes , but it was a dream come true to see them in person ! This past weekend my family and I took the short 1 hour journey by plane to the beautiful Arctic Circle to visit the " real Santa " in Rovaniemi , Finland . We stayed at a very fun resort for families called Santa Claus Holiday Village where you get to stay in cute cozy cabins which include a sauna in the bathroom . Breakfast , dinner , and wi - fi are also included . Mia and I had never seen so much snow in our lives ! The resort was a great experience and had many activities for families to do including : Snowmobile rides , sledding , shopping , restaurants , husky sled rides , Santa 's main post office ( where all the children 's letters to Santa arrive ) , Santa 's ice park , the chance to see the Northern Lights , Santa 's reindeer rides , and of course Santa himself ! Here is a link to their website : http : / / www . santaclausholidayvillage . fi We decided to travel to a secret place in the middle of the forest to experience the Dream of Joulukka . It was an experience our family will never forget ! If you get the chance to experience this through the eyes of a child it is truly a magical and unforgettable experience . A white van came to pick us up at the resort and we stopped to pick up a few others on our way to Joulukka . We drove for about 30 minutes out to what felt like the middle of nowhere into a mystical forest . All of the kids also magically fell asleep on the ride there and back . So , it certainly is a secret place and the kids have no idea where they were ! There were 12 of us total on this adventure and we were greeted by a cute little elf ! She took us to a cozy hut with a fire pit in the middle which said elf school above the door . Her , another elf and a troll told us elf stories and taught us a few of the elves secrets . We also had fun decorating gingerbread cookies and receiving our Santa 's Helper Diplomas after graduating from elf school ! We made it to Joulukka and were dropped of in the middle of nowhere ( a mystical forest ) ! After graduating from elf school , the elves took us through a candle lit forest to a fire where they told more stories under the beautiful clear star lit sky of Lapland . We enjoyed roasting marshmallows and sipping on hot chocolate to keep us warm and cozy ! We then took another journey through more of the candle lit mystical forest to Santa 's Command Center where we saw many cool things including Santa 's world map , his mail machine , his desk , and at the end we enjoyed a very magical experience of meeting Santa Claus himself ! It 's been a little while again since my last post … . and now the craziest year of our lives is almost coming to an end ! We finally had a nice snowfall today which was enough for Mia and her friends to play in after school today . We had so much fun running around laughing and throwing snowballs ! We had zero snow in Florida , so it was an exciting afternoon for us ! We did make it to Florida a few weeks ago . The strike did not happen and we were very happy to go home even if it was only for a few days . We felt right at " home " as soon as we saw this Mickey in the photo below at the airport in Orlando . Mia had so much fun visiting her school that she attended for 3 years in Florida and it was nice to spend some time with our family . Mia and her dog Audrey were so happy to be reunited ! She has been talking about Audrey since we moved . They were just like two peas in a pod again ! Mia also had her first piano concert at school this week . I think we were more nervous than her . She went right on stage and played her song with such confidence . We were so proud ! Our next stop is to visit with Santa Claus in Rovaniemi , Finland ! We leave very early in the morning and we are super excited to meet the real Santa in the Arctic Circle . Mia has her letter to Santa all ready to give to him . We are also looking forward to being in Lapland and to hopefully experience a dog sled ride with huskies ! Happy Friday ! It is hard to imagine that it has already been one year since I started this blog . What a year it has been ! ! My husband moved to Finland this month last year while Mia and I stayed behind in Florida so that Mia could finish Kindergarten . It was a rough time for our family while we were apart and we now joke that deciding to be apart for 7 months was the dumbest decision my husband and I have ever made as a couple in the 17 years that we have been together ! Well , we have been back together for almost 6 months and are enjoying our family living in the same place again ! However , we had to leave Mia 's dog Audrey and our dog Ollie behind at my parent 's house in Florida . Ollie is very old at 13 and Audrey is very big at almost 70 pounds and we were not too sure about bringing them here as we would be renting an apartment and would have to travel . We also plan to spend a couple of months each year back in Florida . Audrey was originally my parent 's dog , but Mia and her became like two peas in a pod so she became Mia 's dog … A day hasn 't gone by since the move that Mia has not talked about her best friend , Audrey . It has been really tough , but Mia has been super excited that she will get to go home to see her dog tomorrow ( well , maybe ) . We just found out yesterday that some employees at the airline that Mia and I have tickets with ( FinnAir ) may be going on strike . We really do not want to let Mia down so we will do our best to find a way to get her home to her best friend . So far , our flight is not one of the ones cancelled ! I also wanted to thank all of my friends , family and fellow bloggers for following along this past year on my blog ! When I started this blog , I had no idea what I was doing . I still have a lot of work to do and a lot to learn about blogging , but I am so grateful for the experience so far ! A great big thanks to all of the people who have viewed my blog from the following countries this past year : by Christine M . November 10 , 2013 We were able to take a very short trip over to the Palace of Versailles during our Paris trip . We took the train ( RER C - line to the Rive Gauche station ) , which was only about a 30 minute journey . We also met a very nice family from California that also took the train over and we enjoyed chatting with them while we waited for tickets and to get into the Palace . There are so many impressive things to see while touring one of the most famous world heritage sights . The architecture , artwork , and the gardens are truly an experience you will never forget . The gardens were absolutely stunning and I had no idea how massive the grounds would be . We were not able to see much of the Palace and gardens as we only had about two hours left to explore before we needed to head to the airport for our trip back to Finland . We spent about an hour inside the Palace and then an hour in the gardens . We were told when we purchased our tickets that you would need a good six hours at the property to see everything , so we decided to rent the golf cart that is offered when you first exit the Palace and enter the gardens . It cost us 30 euros for one hour . It was worth it since we were so pressed on time . We were able to do a nice drive around most of the property , but we were not able to really get off the cart to explore into some of the sections , but did manage to get off a couple of times to get a few shots . We decided to visit a bridge in Paris ( Pont des Arts ) one evening before sunset which has thousands of love locks attached to it . These love locks are locked onto the railing of the bridge usually with the lovers names on them and then the keys are tossed into the Seine River so that no one can ever unlock their love . I know that some may say that these locks are not attractive on the bridges . However , I thought there was something so amazingly beautiful about them . It is truly breathtaking to see the thousands of love locks attached to the railing . Talk about really feeling the emotions of being in the City of Love ! We decided to make a family love lock so that no one could ever unlock the love that our family shares . Here are a few photos from our experience on the Pont des Arts bridge : It has been some time since my last post here on my blog . Honestly , I 'm not sure where the time has gone ! We seem to be busier and busier as we are getting settled in . We enjoyed seeing our first snowfall here in Finland this past weekend . I have also been meeting many moms from all over the world from Mia 's school and have been learning a lot about Finland as well as working on a few projects here . We have managed to pick up a few Finnish words here and there as well since Mia is learning Finnish in school ! My family and I really enjoyed our first trip to Paris . We didn 't have much time to explore on this trip , but we did manage to see a few of the must sees mostly in the late afternoons / evenings . Once again , there were so many things that I wanted to take a photo of ! Paris was a little overwhelming , but so exciting all at the same time ! Overall , I thought Paris was a very beautiful city and it was nice to finally see the Eiffel Tower and the Mona Lisa in person ! Here are a few photos from our adventure : I am finally planning the trip at the very last minute … on a double decker bus ! Oh boy , where to start ? So much to see in Paris ! We were very excited to be able to take the journey into the famous Musée du Louvre to see the Mona Lisa in person and all of the other amazing artwork in this stunning museum . We just wish we had more time to explore a little longer . It was so massive and overwhelming that you would need an entire day to really get a good glimpse of all of the beautiful pieces on display . Here are a few photos from our experience seeing the Mona Lisa for the first time : Leonardo de Vinci 's Mona Lisa portrait at the Louvre . The most famous work of art in the world . There is just something about her … Truly stunning ! I will do one more post from Paris which will include images of the love locks and the beautiful Chateau de Versailles . I will end this post with two beautiful sunsets that I was lucky to get shots of . The first one is at The Louvre - we were a little lost and ended up walking past it again at just the right time . The last one is of the beautiful Eiffel Tower . Share this : TwitterFacebookEmailPrintRedditPinterestLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted in Adventure , Expat Life , Family , Photography , Travel , Uncategorized • Tagged Eiffel Tower , Europe , France , Gates of Hell , Louvre , Mona Lisa , Musée du Louvre , Paris , Red Pin Adventures , Rodin , The Thinker , Travel Like Stepping Right into a Fairytale … Tallinn , Estonia We decided to take an impromptu trip to another country this weekend . There is a cruise ship port only a 10 - minute walk from our apartment , and we have been seeing the ships come in and out of the port from our patio . We walked over with just a small backpack and were able to purchase tickets over to the picturesque town of Tallinn , Estonia . We took the Eckero Line M / S Finlandia ship and chose the cabin for the return back so that we could sleep after a lot of walking and exploring . We had also heard that The Finns like to take a trip to Estonia to purchase cheaper alcohol and cigarettes . This was certainly true as we saw many people with carts loaded to the top with cases and cases of beer on the return trip to Finland ! We were pleasantly surprised with this charming place which is only a 2 - hour cruise ride from Helsinki . It truly felt as though we had stepped off the cruise ship and landed right into a little Fairytale . We spent a very relaxing 5 - hours exploring the Old Town area and then returned to the port for the short 2 - hour trip back to Helsinki .
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June 4 , 2016 By blacknright In the recent months , I have seen my beloved conservatives become nothing but mad - starved liberals . While saying they promote limited government and individual freedom they have chosen a lifetime liberal candidate who values neither of these things . I will say this for Obama , much like Andrew Diamond of my Aviva Center days who made me value religious liberty , he has mad me value the Constitution . I knew almost nothing about it until he stepped into office . Then I even went to school and learned more about it . I have to hand it to Obama , he more than anyone else has made me the devoted defender of the Constitution and after finding this great love of mine , I am not about to let it go for the likes of Donald Trump . A good friend of mine who hated Obama for his defiance of the Constitution , actually said we don 't need the Constitution when Trump started running for President . One of the smartest women I knew was willing to throw the Constitution away for the sake of Trump , at that point I knew we had to go our separate ways , I could no longer be friends with someone willing to trade liberty for security . During the past several months since Trump 's candidacy , I have had several similar experiences . The steadfast conservatives I trusted all these years have become the Obamabots we all made fun of for years . So I f I am not a conservative anymore , what am I ? I am constitutionalist . So what is a constitutionalist as opposed to a conservative ? A Constitutionalist is a true believer in liberty , defends the Constitution , is God - fearing and seeks to help the poor and less fortunate in ways that will improve their lot and not keep them dependent . A conservative while saying they promote these things does not promote the right to life and will place financial security above the right to life and liberty any time . They will promote fascist tactics against their enemies and while they talk a good game about God are constantly supporting people choosing " the lesser of two evils . " They also lack real understanding or love for the Constitution . As such , it would be dishonest of me to continue calling myself a conservative . The good news is I am not the only constitutionalist . There are plenty of us out there . Yet we can no longer align ourselves with these faux conservatives and we surely cannot lend our noble name and purpose along with their liberal hijinks , so it is time for us constitutionalists to stand tall and let it be known that while the liberals and conservatives are killing each other in the streets , we will be fast at work restoring our nation to the state of liberty it once enjoyed . While it is easy to be discouraged by the unfolding events , we must not let that dissuade that from achieving our goals of " letting freedom ring . " King didn 't die so we could pander to the moderates . Our Founding Father didn 't stake their fortunes so that tyranny would reign . We deserve more . We deserve America . July 2 , 2015 By blacknright Today on a very special Blacknright blog we have God , the Supreme Ruler of the Universe , here with us today . He has agreed to talk my audience about the current events in our country . So let 's get to it . DL : Hello God , it is wonderful to have you here today . I am so excited about this interview . How many people get to interview God ? So what do you want me to call you , God , I Am , Yahweh , Elohim , Heavenly Father ? God : Heavenly Father will be fine . That is what you usually call me anyway , I like it . Thank you for this opportunity to talk to your readers . HF : ( laughing ) Of course , Dena . I have an irrational hatred of gay people . Of course , I don 't hate them . They are my children why would I hate them ? Yes , I love gay people , but I hate sin . HF : Yes and no . Yes , if you kill someone I am going to hold you more accountable than if you were just jealous of them . Both are sins and both are commandments but in one you have taken a life , in the other you haven 't . However , the second one can lead to the first one , that is why it is on the list . The no part is all sin has a destructive force to destroy the person . If you are coveting , you can become consumed and act in destructive ways towards yourself and whomever or whatever you are coveting . One thing leads to the other and that is why you can 't play with sin . HF : If that was the case Leviticus 18 would be a moot point . Seventeen of the thou shall not lie with are familial relationships . Now I am sure those family members love each other . I still don 't approve . In fact , though shall not lie with mankind as with womankind is the twentieth one , There are two others that deal with incestuous homosexual behavior but by and large , I outline what heterosexual behavior , whatever that really means , I find offensive . HF : Because it is not in accordance to how I created you . The other offenses as repulsive as they are , are a man lying with a woman . While they are wicked and sinful in their nature , a man was meant to lie with a woman in order multiply . He was not meant to sleep with his mother or his daughter or his sister . Those things are detestable . Homosexuality is not about the commandment of being fruitful and multiplying . It is using sex for purposes that are contrary to the Plan of Salvation . I made sex feel good so it would create a bond between husband and wife , it would make you want to stay together and raise your family together . I created Oxytocin to promote family ties , not to get your rocks off . DL ( laughing ) I love when you talk like that . But if two men are committed to being together what is wrong with that ? I mean if the purpose of marriage is staying together and they are being faithful to each other , what is wrong with that ? HF : I love when you mortals do that , you take the last part of what I said and ignore everything else . Again if staying together was all that mattered then a son could marry his mother and as long as they stayed together and were faithful I would be okay with it . Heck , as long they had a kid or two and raised it together I would be fine , right ? Okay , let 's go back to Genesis 2 : 22 - 25 : If the composition of marriage was irrelevant would I have clearly stated its composition ? The purpose is not solely for the happiness of the adults in the marriage . The purpose of marriage is to create a happy , stable environment for the family . In verse 24 , I say they say they shall become one flesh . That is not so much a sexual reference as it is describing the family unit . They are one . They are no longer completely separate entities ; they are one . When your parents were married , you were the Leichnitzes . You were one . Yes , there were individual Leichnitzes within the family , but to the world you were one unit , you were the Leichnitzes . That is what marriage does , it unifies . Dad is no more important than Mom , Mom is no more important than the kids and the kids are no more important than the parents . Each one provides a unique role and each one is dependent on the other members for their ultimate happiness . Without a Mom , Dad and children , an essential part of that unit degrades and it will deteriorate until there is nothing left That is the point in which you guys find yourselves at . HF : Sure you are . You are not free of the consequences though . You are free to rob liquor stores all day long , the consequence of that is you will go to jail . You are free to rape and murder the consequence is that you will have to answer to me . I am even bound by certain things . For instance , if you keep your end of the bargain and follow my commandments I bound to reward you for that . Even if I was like , " Yeah , I know Dena is doing what she is supposed to but I don 't feel like blessing her . " I can 't because I am bound by the promise that as long as you do your part , I have to do mine . What would be the consequence if I didn 't ? I would be a liar and since God can 't lie , I couldn 't be God . I would be a fraud . So there are consequences even for me . There certain things even I have to obey because if I don 't I am not who I say I am . And since I am who I say I am then I have to obey . So if there are consequences for me , why would there not be consequences for my creations ? HF : Let 's look at what happened immediately following SCOTUS ' decision . You had people threatening churches . You had pastors getting beaten up . You had outright hostility to the people who actually helped them get this passed . You saw an eruption of lewd , gay pride parades . You saw evil come out in full force and within a matter of days . Satan works fast . What you will see as time goes on is an increase in immortality and more hostility towards me and my followers . You will see the destruction of children , the denigration of women and more blatant displays of wickedness . HF : No , my people are . You guys have been cowards . You have been so afraid of not offending anyone , you have offended me . My anger is kindled against my people because they do not listen . You have Israel being bombed pretty much on a daily basis and yet you have certain Jews who vilify my Holy Land . I do not understand that . You are not of my people , I do not know you . Is Israel perfect ? No , and I will deal with her sins . But when you turn your back on Israel you turn your back on me . Then you have abortion . My children are being slaughtered and you dare have groups called Catholics For Choice ? Abortion is the resurrection of Molech which I have clearly condemned and you dare use my son to justify your sin ? Gay marriage is just one in a long line of the impotency of the Church , you guys have failed . You are here because you refuse to act . And you Dena , you have to get over your fear as well . You are powerful , l but you refuse to use it . I am going to work with you on that and I am going to put you in a place where you can use it . No more hiding . DL : Okay I promise we will figure it out . I love you and thank you for talking to us today . Any further questions for God can be asked via prayer . Longer answer : Women already run the church as it is . We are in charge of the primary , Young Women 's and Relief Society . We do visiting teaching . We make sure those families in need are taken care of . We also have our own families . Of course , many women work outside the home today as well . Therefore , you want women , to work their full time job , go home and take care of their family , do their Visiting Teaching and whatever other calling they may have , then on top of that you want the women do all the missionary work , the baptisms , confirm people with the Holy Ghost , be the Bishop , the ward clerks , run the Elder Quorums , the Stake Presidencies and ever other male assigned function in the Church . When exactly would we breathe ? Are you crazy ? What are the men doing , while we are doing everything inside the home and church ? Drinking Sprite and watching BYU football ? I don 't think so ! The men need to do their fair share as well . In our Church , the roles are assigned to all members , and each member has their own duties to perform . To dump more duties on women and less duties on men would be cruel . The women are an integral part of the Church and they have a significant say in the how things are done in the church . We don 't need the priesthood to get things done . men . We see this in the Book of Mormon when the Stripling warriors defend their families . In Alma 56 : 47 - 48 we read : Now they never had fought , yet they did not fear death ; and they did think more upon the aliberty of their bfathers than they did upon their lives ; yea , they had been taught by their cmothers , that if they did not doubt , God would deliver them . 48 And they rehearsed unto me the words of their amothers , saying : We bdo not doubt our mothers knew it . It is not that the fathers are unimportant or are not spiritual , but mothers have historically been the spiritual teachers in the family . I think we have a stronger connection to Heavenly Father because just as he is the Giver of Life , so are we . We understand Him on such a fundamentally different level than men . Men with the priesthood and who exercise it righteously are given a wider understanding of that connection to Heavenly Father , one that we have almost intrinsically . The priesthood is given to men because of the " errand of angels is given to women . " [ Sisters in Zion ] Longer answer : The temple is God 's house . Do you just allow anyone to come into your house ? No , you only allow those you know to enter . God is no different , he only allows those he knows to enter . In this case , knows is in reference to , those he recognizes as being obedient to His word and the commandments He has set forth . He doesn 't wish to keep everyone out , but just wants them properly prepared before they enter . What if we met and you wanted to come over to my house and I told you I live at 314 ? Well 314 what ? I didn 't give you a street name , a city , nothing … just 314 . Do you think you are going to make it to my house ? Of course not , you don 't have enough information to go on . Well , God has given us all the information we need to enter his house , all we need to do is follow those directions . What if I gave you my address and all the information you needed and told you to turn left on Alexandria , but you decided you knew better than me and turned right on Alexandria . Well you have no cause to get angry with me , I told you left . We often do things our own way and when it doesn 't turn out we blame God , but He made his directions explicitly clear and we decided to ignore them . Anybody can get to the temple . No one is barred from entering as long you have done the things needed to enter the temple . The temple is not meant to keep you from God but to help you get closer to God and all it takes are the right directions . That being said , we also recognize that Christ is the only perfect one of us to ever live . It is our intention to be more like Christ and emulate his ways in all we say and do . We often fall short and thankfully , our perfect brother , paid the price for all his imperfect brothers and sisters . His Atonement makes it possible for us to return home to Heavenly Father . We only see ourselves as equal in terms of us being Heavenly Father 's children as well , beyond that we know Christ is the only way we will have salvation and that His grace is sufficient for all of us . December 30 , 2010 By blacknright This is really a continuation of my previous post . Whereas , the other post simply tells you what I accomplished in 2010 , this post tells you what I learned this past year . Therefore the titles come from my previous post . LESSON LEARNED : Don 't doubt your own capabilities . We often can achieve more than we think we can . So it doesn 't hurt to try something new . I also learned there are some things I will never get no matter how hard I try - Math is one of those things . LESSON LEARNED : I learned I can do the impossible , if I just get out of my own way . As a kid I wondered what it must be like to be really smart like Laura ( my sister ) or Leonard ( my brother ) . Jeff ( my other brother ) was smart too but he was more like me . So we had the two geniuses - Laura and Leonard and then there was just us average Joes - Jeff and me . Little did I know that I had a Laura / Leonard in me all along . That I could make the Dean 's List , that I could achieve and accomplish feats that always seemed out of my grasp . I often told myself I was smarter than what other people knew but for once it was nice to not have it be some state secret , to show the world that it had been there all along . Who knew ? I learned that the only thing holding me back all these years was me and all I because it was easier for me to believe the lies told to me than to try to prove them wrong ! Well no more ! LESSON LEARNED : I learned that I do have leadership qualities . My friend , Carter Clews told me once : " You are going to be a leader of your people . " I thought he was just being sweet . But obviously there was something in me that I wasn 't seeing myself . Something that he could . Being a leader doensn 't mean bossing people around , it means being able to inspire and motivate them to do for themselves . It means uplifting your fellow man . That 's the kind of leader I want to be anyway . Hopefully , that is the kind of leader was in my club , if not then I will keep working on it . Progress not perfection , I keep reminding myself . I will get there one day . LESSON LEARNED : I learned I am not a quitter ( that was a shocker , let me tell you . ) , I always thought I was . I learned I have more ambition than I ever thought I did . Ambition was always a dirty word to me . I never really appreciated ambitious people . I always equated ambition with greed , being corrupt and ruthlessness . That was not me ! Then I learned ambition and drive are good things and that one need not be a harbinger of evil to be ambitious . Now I can see a future where none existed before . Now I can see a fruitful and productive life where once it had been barren . Now I see what God saw all along - a beautiful but broken person who just needed a little love , a big push and a dream . Thank you God for giving me those things . Lastly , I learned that power is intoxicaiting - especially when it is power that comes from God . LESSON LEARNED : Something I had leanred by joining the church was that God was not an absentee father . Though I already had knowledge of that , it really crystallized this past year . What I learned was how truly close he is to all of us . I learned while we need him , he also needs us . He needs us to serve one another , to love one another , to be each other 's rock . For he cannot achieve anything if we are unwilling to listen to him . This year I learned what a wonderful father , Heavenly Father truly is . Our talks during the summer made me feel so much closer to him . I will always cherish that bond . It is the most valuable thing that I have . LESSON LEARNED : I learned Adonai grows more amazing every day . That I am lucky that God chose me to be his mother . I learned again . . that there is no one more worth fighting for and no one I am more afraid of losing . I learned that being a full time mother is the most difficult and the most rewarding thing in the world . Most of all , I learned patience is not the outward appearance of being " nice " that it is , however , not giving up when everything inside of you is screaming so loud for you to do just that . I learned that I have a lot more patience than I ever thought I did . God bless my little man . LESSON LEARNED : I learned that success in other areas doesn 't amount to a hill of beans if you don 't have success in your personal life . I learned that if my situation is to change , I am going to have to have the same determination to alter it as I do the rest of my life . I have learned that love of a child can save you , love of God can heal you , but neither replaces the love of one good man . I am intent on finding him . LESSON LEARNED : Actually it was a lesson solidified more than learned . I love my family dearly and I couldn 't have asked for anyone better but as a child I always wondered what it would be like to be with my biological family , you know the people who looked like me . The irony of the situation is even if I would 've stayed with my biological family , there still wouldn 't have been anyone who looked like me . So all that time spent wondering , all that time spent wishing was for naught ! What I learned was how truly lucky I was all along . Of course , I knew that but now I truly knew that ! Knowing where I came from has just made me love my real family even more ! My real family is the Leichnitzes and they always will be ! Okay so 2010 has come and gone and you may be wondering what has become of Dena and Adonai in 2010 . Or you may be thinking " Who in the heck is Dena and Adonai and why did you forward this email to me , I don 't know these people ! " Either way you are about to find out ( well if you didn 't delete the email that is ) This year was my year of languages . In the Spring of 2010 , I took a semester of Spanish , ( Amor es muy mal or Love Sucks ! ) I have sung the Spirit of God in Korean , I sung Silent Night in German ( Stille Nacht , heilige Nacht ) I have tried to learn the language of Math ( quadratic formula = - b to the square root of b squared minus 4ac divided by 2a . ) I am in my church choir and have attempted to learn the language of music . ( the only thing I know for certain in that respect is that I am an alto ) And in the fall of 2009 , I took a business law class , so I know the basics of law ( stare decisis - the doctrine of precedent . That cases that are decided in a court of law will be used as a basis for deciding cases in future litigation ) and the most difficult of all these languages - Math - hands down ! ! ! This year I was bestowed with many honors . I made the Dean 's List - twice . I have made the Ralph Bunche Scholars Program . Ralph Bunche Scholars is an Honor 's program at Los Angeles City College ( LACC ) and UCLA is aligned with the program ( in fact , they have a whole building named after him on their campus ) so people who complete the program are pretty much guaranteed admission to UCLA . However , people have used the program to get into other UCs and private colleges including Occidental . [ Given that Occidental helped produce Barack Obama , the most corrupt and vile human being to ever grace the White House , it makes wonder what they are teaching people there . Then again they also helped produce my brother , so they must be doing something right . ] I am a bit worried my Honor 's status might be compromise by Math 125 grade . I have never in life prayed so hard for a C . Stayed tune to see how that turns out . No , I am not some party girl dancing the night away at some disco with bad electronica music . This past semester I was elected the President of the Entertainment I . P . , ( Intellectual Property ) Club . All of our meetings took place in the evening time , so that meant picking up Adonai from his school , going back to mine , attending the club meeting or getting things ready for an event and then going home , doing our homework , get ready for bed and start it all over again . It was not easy but we pulled it off . I was also a member of the Legal Association at LACC . My good friend , Andrea Bari , was the President . We worked together and put together some really good events . With our joint efforts we created the most successful semester for our clubs . Andrea was pivotal in getting the El Camino Theater for our last event which was a panel of entertainment lawyers . I was able to get two of the speakers to come and attend . I was able to get the funding for food , I was also the person responsible for collecting and asking the questions for our panelists . I couldn 't have done any of it without the help of Andrea , Karen Pinkston ( EIP 's vice president ) who helped in getting the questions passed out and collected and Sharon La Gue ( EIP ' ssecretary , and an awesome one at that ! ) who helped me with all last minute details . Sharon calculated we had about 130 people come to our event . It was a great success due to our team effort . It went so well that one of the panelists recommended me for an internship . I am waiting to hear back from that . Our club advisor , Wilheim I . Vargas , the Chair of the Law Department said it was the most successful semester that either club had ever had . It was great to be a part of it . I really enjoyed everything we did , including the UCLA tour which Karen put together . In 2009 , I applied for a Senator position with the Associated Students ' Organization ( ASO ) the student government of LACC . I was denied because of my conservative views . Even though I had been promised a position , I was later told they were postponing it , only to have it go to someone else entirely due to the bigotry by the ASO president of the time . Given that I am Leichnitz though and we are not quitters , I came to the conclusion , if I didn 't try again , the bigot would win . He wasn 't going to win . So I applied for another position . It was the Senator of Disabled Student Affairs . After I applied , I found out my friend , Sharon LaGue , was also applying for the same position . So I was going to apply for the Senator at Large position instead because I felt Sharon would do a better job for the Disabled Students than I would . However , when she backed out , I decided to go for it after all . So I have my interview . I am told to come in the following Tuesday to see if I will get elected . I am asked what has been my greatest accomplishment so far and I tell of how I was held back during my K - 12 academic career because no one ever believed I was smart enough to achieve anything . I further explain how I went from that place to being an Honor 's student here at LACC . I wasn 't too impressed with my speech but later Andrea would tell me how it touched him . He called it " sad but empowering . " That meant a lot . Mostly , because I still think I am such a lousy orator but maybe I have better oratory skills than I realize . I was confirmed a Senator for Disabled Student Affairs . I had overcome the bigot 's hatred ! I had won ! So I set out to do my job . I have devised a survey for disabled students to see what is needed for them , what LACC is doing well , what they are failing in . I am trying to come up with a fundraiser for the Office of Special Services ( OSS ) that will help with making sure disabled students have the services they need . So keep your calendars open during the last couple weeks of May because D - Day is coming ! My faith in Jesus Christ has grown as well . During the summer I did 30 days with God on Facebook where for thirty days all my statuses were directed to God . I was not allowed to talk about anything that was not directly about my relationship with God . It was truly something . I also put responses from God as well , but they had to be what I really thought he would say in the situation . Doing this little experiment my love for Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ intensified . I could feel them really work within me . Also in 2010 I joined the Wilshire Ward choir . I also sang in the Stake Choir as well . I remember as I was singing the Spirit of God in Korean , I felt the Spirit so powerfully . It sounded ten times more beautiful than we had rehearsed it as if God and his angels themselves were singing along with us . It was awe - inspiring . I also taught a class at our ward . It was called " Preach My Gospel . " The class is based on our church manual by the same name . It is all about the Restoration of the Gospel and the Plan of Salvation . I really do love teaching and passing on the knowledge I have learned to others . I try to use humor in my lessons while putting everything in layman 's terms . I have been told by others that they like my teaching style and that they learn a lot from me in my class . I do think there is a teacher in me just dying to get out but considering I have already worked for LAUSD once , I don 't ever see that happening again . However , I did teach the Constitution online in 2009 and I think I will do that again . That was something I truly enjoyed . Given the state of our nation , it is going to be imperative that we all learn the Constitution , in order to restore our rights that are being stripped from us . Everything I have accomplished this past year has been because of Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father . I couldn 't have done any of it without them . God has blessed me so much this past year that there were times I would look in the mirror and wouldn 't recognize the face looking back . Not in a bad way , but in a very amazing way . It is as if I was truly being sculpted in the image he had of me and it was more magnificent than even I could imagine . I began to see in me the things he always saw . My intelligence , my beauty , my heart ( for others but especially him ) , my strength . Whereas , I always saw failure , he saw success and brought it forth . Whereas , I always saw my weaknesses , he saw my ability to overcome life 's obstacles and removed the hurdles from my path . Whereas I saw myself as never smart enough , he saw my thirst for learning and knowledge and then showed the world how wrong they had always been . My beauty , well that one I am still working on but I smile a lot more when I look at my reflection than I ever did before . 2010 was definitely a journey I will not soon forget . I met many amazing people . People like Andrea , Karen , Sharon , Shanan Sung ( from my English 102 class ) and Diana Solis ( from my Math 115 class ) . Of course , no one is more amazing than my little one , Adonai . Adonai and I have had a lot of ups and downs this year . The year started off rather turbulently but things have worked themselves out . Our bond has deepened over this last year . Academically , he has done tremendously well . At this stage , he is only supposed to read 56 words per minute , he reads at 136 words per minute . His comprehension is also high . He needs to work on his writing but even that has shown a marked improvement over the past year . He will be tested next year for the gifted program . He should be able to get into it . Of course none of this is a surprise to me . I knew at three months old , that my child was a genius . Everybody thought I was crazy because I said he showed advanced problem solving skills at that t ime [ He learned how to hold his own bottle by then . Though he wasn 't strong enough to hold it in his hands , he figured out if he placed it on his wrist and then lifted his arm up to his mouth and if held the bottle with his other hand he could drink . Do you know any other 3 months old who can do that ? I don 't think so ! ] , but I finally get to say , " See I told you so ! " Now I got proof baby , that I was right all along ! Sorry about that , just a mother 's pride talking there for a moment . Next year will be a big year for Adonai . He will turn eight and will be able to be baptized ( we are still working on that ) and will be able to join the Boys Scouts . He is growing up so fast . I am proud of my little man . He is growing into a wonderful , caring person . There is not much to discuss on the personal side , actually it has been an utter failure . The closest thing I have had to a date is when Andrea and I went to the Mexican restaurant across the street from the school . It has sort of become our tradition , at the end of every semester we go to this little Mexican restaurant and celebrate being one semester closer to graduation . Though I hate being alone , I am slowly becoming to accept this is my fate . That I will probably never be married . It is not an easy thing to come to terms with . Accepting I had cancer was a cakewalk compared to accepting that I may never find anyone who loves me . Well that is not exactly true , I have found someone who does love me , he just doesn 't want to marry me . His name is Kenny and we have known each other for years . He is a wonderful man and a great friend . In fact , he got me through a trial in my life this past year that I wouldn 't have survived without his support . When my life started falling apart around February , all I could think of at the time was that I needed to call Kenny . I knew he would help me . He did . I think that trial deepened our relationship . He went from never even using the word love in regard to me to being the first one to say before hanging up . Of course , there were stages in between but I am wearing him down . LOL Even so he is in New York , I 'm out here and it would sure would be nice to have a date once in a while . Oh well , I have gone four years without one , I guess I can do five . Que sera sera . WE ARE FAMILY … OR NOT ! ! ! This summer proved to be a rather difficult one , after 40 years of wondering , after 40 years of not knowing , I found my biological family . I met a woman on Facebook and when I found out she helped people to find their biological families , I asked her to find mine . She did . I found out my biological mother was still alive . I was one of 7 children . A lot of things matched up with what my adoptive mother told me . Mom told me that my birth mother didn 't keep any of her children . My half brother would confirm that . My Mom told me of a story ( which sort of clenched it for me ) that my birth mother was adamant that I was Swedish or something . My birth mother was adamant that I was Silician . Anyway , I talked to my oldest brother and things seemed to go well until I sent him my picture , then I never heard from him again . As for my birth mother , she didn 't want me to contact her . Saw that coming from a mile away . Figured I didn 't really lose anything and this way I sort of know . Oh well , I already have the best family around doesn 't matter if these strangers don 't want to be my family . It is their loss , not mine . June 30 , 2010 By blacknright On my Facebook account , I have decided the next month will be dedicated to conversations between me and God . If I want to talk about a movie I saw I will do so to God . If I want to talk about the political situation I will do so with God but otherwise it will be just me and God chatting with one another . Of course the Holy Ghost and Jesus Christ will also be in the mix giving me a chance to talk to more than just Heavenly Father . But I am doing this experiment to have God be the center of my life , to have my focus be on Him and not the extraneous nonsense in the world . I will still comment on other people status ' and I can post on other people 's walls , but my status has to be directed to God ( or anyone in the Trinity ) only . It is only day two and I am already wondering can I do this ? Can I really not break the rules and just go into a rant about what is on my mind without directing it to God ? I will also have his replies to me . Of course , I am trying to keep it in line with what I think God would really say in the situation but sometimes it is just me being a smart aleck . Some of the posts already are funny , some are sad , some are happy , some are … well they 're just " are . " July 29th will be my last official day with my month with God . But who knows it might go longer than that . But I think it is important to remember God is in control . That we are not down here alone , that we have each other and Heavenly Father , Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit to help us get through . February 24 , 2010 By blacknright The older my son gets the more intrigued I get by the way he sees the world . While he does definitely have some of me in him , [ " The bad guys are Democrats ! " he will utter as he is playing his Nintendo DS for instance ] there is also a lot of " wisdom " that is solely him and that I get a kick out of . All mothers have stories like this . Your kid will say something and you will go , " Hmmm , that is a good point , I never thought of it that way . " So I am going to share some of my child 's wisdom with you . Since that is the title of this piece , let 's start there . Why does Adonai think Satan lives at Union Station ? Well it makes sense when you break it down . Hell is a place below us and Satan lives in Hell . Union Station is also underground or below us and since Satan lives below us it must mean he lives at Union Station . Given some of the characters I have run into at Union Station , he just might be right . As I was walking my son to school one day , we saw a pair of pants in the middle of the street . Not on the sidewalk or near the curb but in the middle of the street . I thought it odd , I had never seen clothing just lying in the middle of the street before like that . So I asked rhetorically , of course , who would get naked in the middle of the street ? His reply was " Liberals would . " I almost died laughing . Again I had to agree with him . If anyone was going to get naked in the middle of the street , it would be a liberal . This is not so much " wisdom " but what he used to call our skeleton . Instead of skeleton , he called it skeleskin . Also when you break it down , it does make a lot more sense . Since the skeleton is beneath a layer of skin , it should be called skeleskin . That is one of my favorite words he created . That and padwin for pattern . Okay padwin has no logic to it whatsoever but it sounds so cute ! This was probably the spookiest of them all . One day , he couldn 't have been more than 2 years old , we were walking down the street and he told me . " Mommy , we 're being read . " So I asked him what he meant by that . He went on to explain " We 're in a book and we 're being read . " So I asked him who was reading us . He answered back , " God . " Now I had never addressed the Book of Life with him and neither had anyone else in his life . Yet here he was quoting scripture . Then again children intutively understand God alot more than adults do as they are much closer to him then we adults will ever be . We lose that intimate relationship as we age but as a child we have perfect faith in our Father in Heaven so it does not surprise he would use my son to quote scripture at me , even if he does not know it . I don 't know what God wanted me to take from that , maybe that he is looking out for us and not to fret because we are always " being read . " In any case , I just wanted to share my son 's wisdom with you . And I would love to her about your child sages as well . So fill me in . Kim Kardashian going to come to my place and when people want to take a pic act like she is 2 good 2 do so . Then go ! No wants u here anyway ! 3 weeks ago
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On SyFy 's re - imagining of the popular British television series Being Human , premiering on January 17th , actor Sam Witwer plays Aidan , a seemingly young man who has worked as a nurse in a hospital in Boston for the past several years , but in reality is an over 200 - year - old vampire that is trying to sustain himself by not killing humans . While at work , the normally closed - off Aidan meets Josh ( Sam Huntington ) , whose own future was hijacked the instant he was turned into a werewolf . The friendship the two have formed leads to a new sense of normalcy for them both , and they decide to be roommates in a place that they discover is already inhabited by the ghost of its last resident , Sally ( Meaghan Rath ) . SAM WITWER : I auditioned . As I understand it , I think the casting director , Deedee Bradley , contacted my agent and said , " Why haven 't you sent Sam Witwer for this ? , " because she cast me in Smallville . I know that she was involved with getting me out there . When I received the script and they were saying , " Do you want to audition for this ? , " I don 't know what I was doing at the time that made me so lazy , but I originally didn 't read the script and just misjudged it . I thought , " Oh , it 's just another vampire thing . I don 't really want to do that . " And , a friend of mine basically tapped me on the shoulder and said , " That 's Being Human , though . " And , I was like , " Yeah ? " She said , " But , it 's Anna Fricke , Jeremy Carver and Adam Kane involved as producers . Are you an idiot ? What did you think of the script ? " And , I was like , " Well , I didn 't read it . " Frankly , my job is to read scripts . She shamed me into doing my job , and then once I did , I have ever since thanked her profusely because it would have been the biggest mistake of my life to not audition for this project . It was me being an idiot , briefly , and one of my friends pulling me out of it . And then , I auditioned and , shortly after the audition , the process began . After the first time they saw me , we all sat down and had a talk about what the series was , the way I saw it and the way they saw it , and it turned out that we all saw the same type of series . As wonderful as those scripts are , there 's a bad version of those scripts waiting to be made . You could definitely mess it up . In fact , you could mess it up very easily because you 're dealing with all these different elements , with the comedy and the darkness and the drama , and all of that , and figuring out how to balance it to make it work . It could be too campy or too serious . Thankfully , when I saw some of the episodes that we had done , after having shot them for several months , it was really cool because it was the series that I saw in my head . It was like , " YeahDid you have any hesitation in signing on for a role that you could play for a number of years ? WITWER : Big time , yeah . I 'm hesitant anytime someone puts a contract in front of me that has two - year options . When I started seeing the episodes , that 's when that was really important to me . You 're shooting it and you 're in the trenches for awhile and you think you 're getting good stuff , but they do own you . You did sign on for as long as it goes . Once I started seeing episodes , I was very , very happy about that decision because the working environment is so pleasant , the crew is so great , and the cast all gets along incredibly well . So , between all that , and the episodes being something that I feel that I can be proud of , I was very happy to have signed on for however long we are fortunate enough to go . The audience has to lock into it , and hopefully they do , but I would be happy to play this character for a few years . WITWER : I 'm looking forward to seeing the original . I saw the first episode and , once I recognized how good it was and how good Aidan Turner is in that role , I really wanted to stay away from it while we shot our season . I didn 't want to subconsciously mimic anything that he did . With the original series being so popular , do you think it helps the show that it already has a built - in interest , or is it more nerve - wracking because you have something you actually have to live up to ? WITWER : People think of the Battlestar Galactica remake as one of the best television series ever made . If you take away the sci - fi , it 's still one of the best series ever made . No one remembers that , when that show came out , there was a tremendous backlash and everyone was saying , " Oh , it 's stupid . Starbuck is a girl now . What is all this ? " Everyone was really angry , at the time , because of the original series . We 're going to get something similar , when we air . At least , that 's my prediction , but I could be wrong . There are going to be a lot of people who just talk shit , and they 're going to be very angry that this was done in a North American way at all . I 'm more concerned with what people are going to be saying a year from now , or half a year from now , once it 's settled in a bit . My feeling on it is that I don 't think people are going to not enjoy the show that we 're making . It 's up to them to decide whether the British version is better or worse . We owe the BBC version and the cast , crew and creators involved , a tremendous debt of gratitude because we have this goldmine that we can just use to mine from . We have 13 episodes to do what they did in 6 , and we have all these wonderful opportunities , and that 's because of their hard work and talent . What I hope is that , if we 're successful , that helps them . That 's going to bring a bigger audience to them than they ever would have had alone , and I don 't think there 's anyone that could dispute that . And , the good news for them is that , if we go out there and fail miserably , they 're still going to be as popular , if not more popular , than they were before . I think it 's a big win - win for the British series . For us , it would be nice to say that we can count on the British audience coming over to us , but I don 't think we can . I just don 't think they 're going to readily accept it that quickly . You 're going to see people playing , not the same characters , but versions of the characters that they know and love , and they 're goinBecause this version has more than twice the amount of episodes in Season 1 than the British series had , are you using those extra episodes to expand the storylines or are you adding new storylines as well ? WITWER : Both . We go into a tremendous amount of detail about certain things that they touched on , and we also do certain storylines that they didn 't do at all . It 's really fun like that . We also take some of the same storylines in different directions . At certain points , where you might expect one thing to happen because you saw the British series , the opposite might happen . We messed with that a little bit , and it 's never arbitrary . We do it for very good , dramatic reasons . Do you see this as more of an homage to the original than a remake ? WITWER : There are certainly elements of homage . For example , my character 's name is Aidan ( after Aidan Turner , who plays the vampire in the original series ) . If you want to do justice to the original , you can 't avoid doing a little bit of that . But , at the same time , we 're trying to do something that would be worth watching , if you were a fan of the original . If it was just the same , it wouldn 't really be worth watching , nor would it be worth doing . Do you get to collaborate on new ideas for your character at all ? WITWER : Jeremy Carver and Anna Fricke are wonderfully collaborative . We 've all been in open dialogues since the beginning of this whole project . I 'm happy to say that they 're very open to hearing suggestions . Those two are incredible writers . They pull off stuff that , if someone told me , in concept , some of these things they wanted to do and that they 're going to pull off humor , I 'd say , " No , that doesn 't belong there . There 's no way . You can 't pull off humor in that situation without it being campy and not taking the situation seriously . " But somehow , they figure out a way to fit in all those elements - the gravity of the situation , along with humor . They are just tremendous writers , so the good news is that , when we receive a script , it 's already in great shape . It doesn 't really need much help . So , when we have our suggestions , sometimes it 's a little detail here or there , or a little bit of a different perspective on something , but they 're very open to that . As long as you get them the idea early enough , they 'll incorporate it , and that 's always really fun . It 's fun to feel like you 're part of a team . They trust us , we trust them and we all do our jobs together . Hopefully , that creates compelling television . I think our showrunners are tremendously talented and I 'm so lucky to be working with them . WITWER : There 's too many to name . There are projects that I 've done where I 've looked over the script and looked at the challenges and wondered how I was going to pull something off , or wondered how it was going to go , or wondered how I could bring something that people hadn 't quite seen yet . You try to keep reinventing the character to make it interesting , but one of the things you 're not guaranteed , as an actor , is that you 're looking forward to playing this scene or that scene . That 's not always a given . Sometimes you 're doing a job where maybe this wouldn 't necessarily be your favorite television show , but it is someone else 's favorite television show , and you still have to really throw your heart and soul into it . The cool thing with Being Human is that there are countless scenes that I 've read in the script where I 've gone , " Wow , I really can 't wait to perform that , " or " I 'm looking forward to that scene , " or " That 's going to be really difficult and challenging , but I 'm really looking forward to it . " There 's hardly a moment that I would say is wasted , with my character . I feel like I really had some strong stuff thrown at me , in terms of what I was supposed to perform , so I 'm psyched . WITWER : That 's a very interesting question . He acts like a modern 20 - something , 21st century , 2011 guy . Well , he also acted like that in the ' 70s , and he acted like that in the ' 50s , and so on and so forth . He 's had to hide what he is . He 's had to be invisible and blend in , so he 's learned how to do that . He 's morphed , over the years , while at the same time , accruing wisdom that he 's learned about life . The wonderful thing and the fun thing about this character is that , if you go with the metaphor , this guy has been in a drug haze for most of his life . Now , he wants to go clean and stop doing that , so you can imagine that a 200 - and - some - year - old guy wouldn 't be very easy to impress , he might be a little bit stoic , he might be a little bit quiet and observing , and he would be over everything . It would be hard to get a reaction out of him . And , having been in stasis , emotionally , for all those years , and having not really dealt with things in a human way , to come out of that drug haze , after living your life in it , the world would be a tremendously frightening place , and you would have emotional reactions where you would least expect them . That 's really one of the fun things about this character . He may be displaying something to people , or to Josh ( Sam Huntington ) or Sally ( Meaghan Rath ) , that shows them a version of himself that he feels like they 're prepared for and that he 's comfortable to share . But , if you get Aidan alone and he 's by himself , sometimes you see what he 's really feeling , and he 's freaking out and doesn 't know how to deal with these things . His emotions are all fresh , like a very , very young person , because he hasn 't been dealing with them and really looking them in the eye . He 's always used the drug to deal with things . Not to mention that , but if you go with the genre stuff , he 's been a sociopath and a complete maniac , and now he 's really choosing to look these things in the eye . Is that why he is so torn up over what happens with Rebecca in the pilot ? WITWER : What happens with Rebecca ( Sarah Allen ) keeps coming up and giving him tremendous guilt for having hurt this person . He 's wracked with guilt . He hasn 't let it go , and it 's still playing on him . It doesn 't go away until Episode 2 , when something happens and you realize it 's taken to the next level . I love that . He has some funny moments and he 's dealing with it . He can smile at Josh and he can be whoever he needs to be for whoever , but if you get him alone , all he can think about is what he did to that girl , and that 's really wonderful . Throughout the season , you get to see more and more of how much he 's lying to his roommates to try to maintain this facade of who he thinks they want him to be , and never really opening up to anyone , except for very few people . He keeps to himself and barely handles it . In fact , in some cases , he doesn 't handle it . Do you think that moving in with Josh will gradually help him cope better ? WITWER : Later on in the season , he has some major problems and he finds out that , emotionally , he just can 't cope . He 's not equipped to cope . He doesn 't have those tools that a person who is sober would develop , so things send him over the edge pretty frequently , but he tries to hold it together . Basically , he asks Josh to be his roommate because he realizes that he can 't do this alone . He doesn 't say that to Josh because he doesn 't want to display that , but what 's really going on with him is that he realizes that he needs to be watched , he needs help and he needs someone who 's going to keep him straight . If he lives with this guy , maybe they can help each other that way . Are there favorite qualities and characteristics in Aidan that you really enjoy playing ? WITWER : One of the things that I really enjoy - and you see it more around Episode 7 - are the comedic beats . I actually get to be the funnyman in an episode later while , at the same time , still maintaining the tense situation or the sadness . I get some funny moments to play , and I really , really love that . When I was in drama school , everyone always thought that I was going to go off and try to be on Saturday Night Live or do comedy , and I 've gotten nothing but drama . So , Being Human came along and I really am mostly the straight man , but as time goes on , I do get to throw out some jokes and be light - hearted , at times . It 's not so much in the first two episodes , but you see it later on , and that 's been tremendous fun for me . At the same time , this character gets extraordinarily dark , and sometimes really mean , and sometimes at the edge of despair . You couldn 't ask for a better character to play because I get to go to all those extremes . And then , if there 's a flashback where you meet the character in a different era , like the ' 50s or the ' 70s , I get to play a completely different version of the character , who 's in a completely different place with different attitudes and opinions . It 's really a dream job , when it comes to that . It 's never stale . This character could be dealing with life - and - death situations , and pain and suffering beyond belief , but then there are all these other dimensions where he can actually be funny or ironic , on top of extraordinarily serious situations . When you think about it , that 's very realistic . I 've been in situations where , in the midst of really hardcore events in my life , I made some ridiculous off - color joke that was in horrible taste , but made people laugh . Seeing the humor in the midst of the most grim circumstances is one of the elements of the show that I enjoy the most , and makes it a lot more fun to watch . What has it been like to work with Sam Huntington and Meaghan Rath , and share this experience alongside the two of them ? WITWER : When me and Sammy and Meaghan sat in a room together , it was immediately apparent that this was the group that was going to get cast . There was just something about everyone 's energy , where we understood exactly where our performances need to sit , opposed to each other . Sammy knew when to come in and say something off of my timing , which I knew because Meaghan gave me an opening to say something else . It was just this weird voodoo where we immediately not only knew how to work with each other , but liked each other a lot , just from the get - go , and really enjoyed each other 's performances immediately . Especially in the earlier episodes , we were taken aside by producers and directors and told , " Listen , you have to tone down the chemistry . You guys don 't know each other well enough yet . The chemistry you 're bringing now will be great toward the end of the season , but not now . The rhythms can 't be this established . There needs to be little stilted moments . It can 't be this smooth yet . " It 's funny because you usually get the opposite note . The director usually comes up and says , " Okay , remember , you really like each other . " But , they told us , " You guys like each other too much . You need to be more wary . You don 't know each other that well . " We had to work on that . But , after they live with each other for awhile , we had permission to finally bring more of Sam Witwer , Sam Huntington and Meaghan Rath to those characters , so Aidan gets progressively funnier and Josh is hilarious . The cool thing about the funny stuff that I have to do is that the show isn 't reliant on it . Sam Huntington is really the comedic genius of us three , and so is Meaghan Rath . Those two crack me up so much . I 'm the dramatic anchor of the trio . Those guys really impress me with the things that they can do that I can 't . It 's really just so much fun , and we like each other so much . It 's like having an adopted brother and sister , and it happened immediately . It takes me awhile to get to know someone and get WITWER : That has been a problem , yeah . We 've nearly blown brilliant takes with that whole rule . There was a scene recently where Meaghan touches a real person for the first time , and she was so excited . It 's really funny . Was it difficult to get used to talking with fangs ? WITWER : No , the fangs were very easy , and so were the eyes . I 've had contacts put in on various jobs , so this wasn 't a problem at all . The vampire transformation is really easy . The guy that has it rough is Sam Huntington because he 'll be in make - up for four hours and he can 't sit down . He has to stand up and hold his arms out to the side because they have to apply stuff to his chest and torso . Early in the season , he did a 19 - hour day , and then he had four hours to sleep , and had to do another 20 - hour day after that . That guy , with those prosthetics , definitely had it the worst . Out of the hat , he picked the worst monster to be . Meaghan and me are pretty low - maintenance monsters . WITWER : Smallville was a really awesome opportunity . I can say , probably with certainty , that this job wouldn 't have happened , if it weren 't for the opportunities I had on Smallville . That character was going through something very similar . He was dealing with being a monster and not wanting to be one . On this show , because I 'm # 1 on the cast list , we get a lot more opportunities to explore all the different facets of that type of problem . But on Smallville , Davis Bloom didn 't really have a sense of humor . He didn 't have time , but Aidan does . In terms of the fans , I really hope that genre fans dig this because I 'm one of them . The Force Unleashed gigs were nerve - wracking because I didn 't want to let down any of my fellow Star Wars fans . With Smallville , I didn 't want to let down any of my fellow Superman fans . I actually don 't have much of a connection with the vampire genre . I never really had a particular love for vampires . But , the fact is that we all draw from the same pool of fans . I really would like to do service to these extraordinary situations . With anything sci - fi , if you do it okay or not very well , it 's the worst thing in the world . It 's just cheesy and awful . However , if you do it really , really well , it 's the coolest thing in the world . If you do an extraordinary job of giving gravity to those extraordinary situations , than science fiction and those types of genres are way cooler than what you can do in a lot of traditional genres . You just get more opportunities to tell more daring stories , in terms of the metaphors . There are things that Aidan goes through , later on in the season , in terms of him having some form of relapse . The type of stuff that we do , they had to censor quite a bit of because we really went far with it , but they would have had to censor it even more , if it was me just going for it with heroin . It would have been something that the censors would have been very uncomfortable with . But , if you take it out of that and say , " No , he 's a vampire and it ' sAre you hoping to balance this with film work between seasons , if the show goes on for awhile ? WITWER : Yeah . I 'm very much a fan of doing a gig and moving on . Being Human would be an exception to that because it 's such an exceptional show . I 've actually been in situations where I 've turned down a lot of money to continue on , in certain shows , or to do something that would have lasted years when I didn 't even like it . I didn 't want to be in any one spot for years , unless I really believed in it , and I really believe in Being Human . But , the wonderful thing is that I still will have the opportunity to do stints on various gigs and move on . That is absolutely the plan . I want to just play around in the six months between the seasons . Right now , I 'm just trying to balance it out with getting sleep back . By the end of it , we were exhausted . We 're all burnt . Right now , I can 't even think about work . My agent and manager are coming to me with these wonderful gigs and they want me to audition , and I haven 't had the heart to audition for anything recently because I 'm just too burnt right now . But , I 'll be ready to get back into the swing of things soon . WITWER : I recently got to do a period piece with David Strathairn , called No God , No Master , that was fun . I would love to do more period pieces . That would be a lot of fun . Do you have any films coming out that your fans should keep an eye out for ? WITWER : There 's a film that I did about a Star Wars / Star Trek geek , who loses everything in the recession and decides to join the mafia , so he has to go move in with his mom in her basement , back in Chicago . We shot that in Chicago . That 's called The Return of Joe Rich , and it should be interesting . I 'm the title character , Armand Assante plays my mafia uncle that I try to get in with and Talia Shire is my mother . It 's a fun indie . We 'll see how it comes together . I haven 't seen it yet , but I 've seen pieces of it . It was definitely fun to shoot . Other than that , there 's some other projects that I can 't talk about just yet , but there 's stuff coming .
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On SyFy 's re - imagining of the popular British television series Being Human , premiering on January 17th , actor Sam Witwer plays Aidan , a seemingly young man who has worked as a nurse in a hospital in Boston for the past several years , but in reality is an over 200 - year - old vampire that is trying to sustain himself by not killing humans . While at work , the normally closed - off Aidan meets Josh ( Sam Huntington ) , whose own future was hijacked the instant he was turned into a werewolf . The friendship the two have formed leads to a new sense of normalcy for them both , and they decide to be roommates in a place that they discover is already inhabited by the ghost of its last resident , Sally ( Meaghan Rath ) . SAM WITWER : I auditioned . As I understand it , I think the casting director , Deedee Bradley , contacted my agent and said , " Why haven 't you sent Sam Witwer for this ? , " because she cast me in Smallville . I know that she was involved with getting me out there . When I received the script and they were saying , " Do you want to audition for this ? , " I don 't know what I was doing at the time that made me so lazy , but I originally didn 't read the script and just misjudged it . I thought , " Oh , it 's just another vampire thing . I don 't really want to do that . " And , a friend of mine basically tapped me on the shoulder and said , " That 's Being Human , though . " And , I was like , " Yeah ? " She said , " But , it 's Anna Fricke , Jeremy Carver and Adam Kane involved as producers . Are you an idiot ? What did you think of the script ? " And , I was like , " Well , I didn 't read it . " Frankly , my job is to read scripts . She shamed me into doing my job , and then once I did , I have ever since thanked her profusely because it would have been the biggest mistake of my life to not audition for this project . It was me being an idiot , briefly , and one of my friends pulling me out of it . And then , I auditioned and , shortly after the audition , the process began . After the first time they saw me , we all sat down and had a talk about what the series was , the way I saw it and the way they saw it , and it turned out that we all saw the same type of series . As wonderful as those scripts are , there 's a bad version of those scripts waiting to be made . You could definitely mess it up . In fact , you could mess it up very easily because you 're dealing with all these different elements , with the comedy and the darkness and the drama , and all of that , and figuring out how to balance it to make it work . It could be too campy or too serious . Thankfully , when I saw some of the episodes that we had done , after having shot them for several months , it was really cool because it was the series that I saw in my head . It was like , " YeahDid you have any hesitation in signing on for a role that you could play for a number of years ? WITWER : Big time , yeah . I 'm hesitant anytime someone puts a contract in front of me that has two - year options . When I started seeing the episodes , that 's when that was really important to me . You 're shooting it and you 're in the trenches for awhile and you think you 're getting good stuff , but they do own you . You did sign on for as long as it goes . Once I started seeing episodes , I was very , very happy about that decision because the working environment is so pleasant , the crew is so great , and the cast all gets along incredibly well . So , between all that , and the episodes being something that I feel that I can be proud of , I was very happy to have signed on for however long we are fortunate enough to go . The audience has to lock into it , and hopefully they do , but I would be happy to play this character for a few years . WITWER : I 'm looking forward to seeing the original . I saw the first episode and , once I recognized how good it was and how good Aidan Turner is in that role , I really wanted to stay away from it while we shot our season . I didn 't want to subconsciously mimic anything that he did . With the original series being so popular , do you think it helps the show that it already has a built - in interest , or is it more nerve - wracking because you have something you actually have to live up to ? WITWER : People think of the Battlestar Galactica remake as one of the best television series ever made . If you take away the sci - fi , it 's still one of the best series ever made . No one remembers that , when that show came out , there was a tremendous backlash and everyone was saying , " Oh , it 's stupid . Starbuck is a girl now . What is all this ? " Everyone was really angry , at the time , because of the original series . We 're going to get something similar , when we air . At least , that 's my prediction , but I could be wrong . There are going to be a lot of people who just talk shit , and they 're going to be very angry that this was done in a North American way at all . I 'm more concerned with what people are going to be saying a year from now , or half a year from now , once it 's settled in a bit . My feeling on it is that I don 't think people are going to not enjoy the show that we 're making . It 's up to them to decide whether the British version is better or worse . We owe the BBC version and the cast , crew and creators involved , a tremendous debt of gratitude because we have this goldmine that we can just use to mine from . We have 13 episodes to do what they did in 6 , and we have all these wonderful opportunities , and that 's because of their hard work and talent . What I hope is that , if we 're successful , that helps them . That 's going to bring a bigger audience to them than they ever would have had alone , and I don 't think there 's anyone that could dispute that . And , the good news for them is that , if we go out there and fail miserably , they 're still going to be as popular , if not more popular , than they were before . I think it 's a big win - win for the British series . For us , it would be nice to say that we can count on the British audience coming over to us , but I don 't think we can . I just don 't think they 're going to readily accept it that quickly . You 're going to see people playing , not the same characters , but versions of the characters that they know and love , and they 're goinBecause this version has more than twice the amount of episodes in Season 1 than the British series had , are you using those extra episodes to expand the storylines or are you adding new storylines as well ? WITWER : Both . We go into a tremendous amount of detail about certain things that they touched on , and we also do certain storylines that they didn 't do at all . It 's really fun like that . We also take some of the same storylines in different directions . At certain points , where you might expect one thing to happen because you saw the British series , the opposite might happen . We messed with that a little bit , and it 's never arbitrary . We do it for very good , dramatic reasons . Do you see this as more of an homage to the original than a remake ? WITWER : There are certainly elements of homage . For example , my character 's name is Aidan ( after Aidan Turner , who plays the vampire in the original series ) . If you want to do justice to the original , you can 't avoid doing a little bit of that . But , at the same time , we 're trying to do something that would be worth watching , if you were a fan of the original . If it was just the same , it wouldn 't really be worth watching , nor would it be worth doing . Do you get to collaborate on new ideas for your character at all ? WITWER : Jeremy Carver and Anna Fricke are wonderfully collaborative . We 've all been in open dialogues since the beginning of this whole project . I 'm happy to say that they 're very open to hearing suggestions . Those two are incredible writers . They pull off stuff that , if someone told me , in concept , some of these things they wanted to do and that they 're going to pull off humor , I 'd say , " No , that doesn 't belong there . There 's no way . You can 't pull off humor in that situation without it being campy and not taking the situation seriously . " But somehow , they figure out a way to fit in all those elements - the gravity of the situation , along with humor . They are just tremendous writers , so the good news is that , when we receive a script , it 's already in great shape . It doesn 't really need much help . So , when we have our suggestions , sometimes it 's a little detail here or there , or a little bit of a different perspective on something , but they 're very open to that . As long as you get them the idea early enough , they 'll incorporate it , and that 's always really fun . It 's fun to feel like you 're part of a team . They trust us , we trust them and we all do our jobs together . Hopefully , that creates compelling television . I think our showrunners are tremendously talented and I 'm so lucky to be working with them . WITWER : There 's too many to name . There are projects that I 've done where I 've looked over the script and looked at the challenges and wondered how I was going to pull something off , or wondered how it was going to go , or wondered how I could bring something that people hadn 't quite seen yet . You try to keep reinventing the character to make it interesting , but one of the things you 're not guaranteed , as an actor , is that you 're looking forward to playing this scene or that scene . That 's not always a given . Sometimes you 're doing a job where maybe this wouldn 't necessarily be your favorite television show , but it is someone else 's favorite television show , and you still have to really throw your heart and soul into it . The cool thing with Being Human is that there are countless scenes that I 've read in the script where I 've gone , " Wow , I really can 't wait to perform that , " or " I 'm looking forward to that scene , " or " That 's going to be really difficult and challenging , but I 'm really looking forward to it . " There 's hardly a moment that I would say is wasted , with my character . I feel like I really had some strong stuff thrown at me , in terms of what I was supposed to perform , so I 'm psyched . WITWER : That 's a very interesting question . He acts like a modern 20 - something , 21st century , 2011 guy . Well , he also acted like that in the ' 70s , and he acted like that in the ' 50s , and so on and so forth . He 's had to hide what he is . He 's had to be invisible and blend in , so he 's learned how to do that . He 's morphed , over the years , while at the same time , accruing wisdom that he 's learned about life . The wonderful thing and the fun thing about this character is that , if you go with the metaphor , this guy has been in a drug haze for most of his life . Now , he wants to go clean and stop doing that , so you can imagine that a 200 - and - some - year - old guy wouldn 't be very easy to impress , he might be a little bit stoic , he might be a little bit quiet and observing , and he would be over everything . It would be hard to get a reaction out of him . And , having been in stasis , emotionally , for all those years , and having not really dealt with things in a human way , to come out of that drug haze , after living your life in it , the world would be a tremendously frightening place , and you would have emotional reactions where you would least expect them . That 's really one of the fun things about this character . He may be displaying something to people , or to Josh ( Sam Huntington ) or Sally ( Meaghan Rath ) , that shows them a version of himself that he feels like they 're prepared for and that he 's comfortable to share . But , if you get Aidan alone and he 's by himself , sometimes you see what he 's really feeling , and he 's freaking out and doesn 't know how to deal with these things . His emotions are all fresh , like a very , very young person , because he hasn 't been dealing with them and really looking them in the eye . He 's always used the drug to deal with things . Not to mention that , but if you go with the genre stuff , he 's been a sociopath and a complete maniac , and now he 's really choosing to look these things in the eye . Is that why he is so torn up over what happens with Rebecca in the pilot ? WITWER : What happens with Rebecca ( Sarah Allen ) keeps coming up and giving him tremendous guilt for having hurt this person . He 's wracked with guilt . He hasn 't let it go , and it 's still playing on him . It doesn 't go away until Episode 2 , when something happens and you realize it 's taken to the next level . I love that . He has some funny moments and he 's dealing with it . He can smile at Josh and he can be whoever he needs to be for whoever , but if you get him alone , all he can think about is what he did to that girl , and that 's really wonderful . Throughout the season , you get to see more and more of how much he 's lying to his roommates to try to maintain this facade of who he thinks they want him to be , and never really opening up to anyone , except for very few people . He keeps to himself and barely handles it . In fact , in some cases , he doesn 't handle it . Do you think that moving in with Josh will gradually help him cope better ? WITWER : Later on in the season , he has some major problems and he finds out that , emotionally , he just can 't cope . He 's not equipped to cope . He doesn 't have those tools that a person who is sober would develop , so things send him over the edge pretty frequently , but he tries to hold it together . Basically , he asks Josh to be his roommate because he realizes that he can 't do this alone . He doesn 't say that to Josh because he doesn 't want to display that , but what 's really going on with him is that he realizes that he needs to be watched , he needs help and he needs someone who 's going to keep him straight . If he lives with this guy , maybe they can help each other that way . Are there favorite qualities and characteristics in Aidan that you really enjoy playing ? WITWER : One of the things that I really enjoy - and you see it more around Episode 7 - are the comedic beats . I actually get to be the funnyman in an episode later while , at the same time , still maintaining the tense situation or the sadness . I get some funny moments to play , and I really , really love that . When I was in drama school , everyone always thought that I was going to go off and try to be on Saturday Night Live or do comedy , and I 've gotten nothing but drama . So , Being Human came along and I really am mostly the straight man , but as time goes on , I do get to throw out some jokes and be light - hearted , at times . It 's not so much in the first two episodes , but you see it later on , and that 's been tremendous fun for me . At the same time , this character gets extraordinarily dark , and sometimes really mean , and sometimes at the edge of despair . You couldn 't ask for a better character to play because I get to go to all those extremes . And then , if there 's a flashback where you meet the character in a different era , like the ' 50s or the ' 70s , I get to play a completely different version of the character , who 's in a completely different place with different attitudes and opinions . It 's really a dream job , when it comes to that . It 's never stale . This character could be dealing with life - and - death situations , and pain and suffering beyond belief , but then there are all these other dimensions where he can actually be funny or ironic , on top of extraordinarily serious situations . When you think about it , that 's very realistic . I 've been in situations where , in the midst of really hardcore events in my life , I made some ridiculous off - color joke that was in horrible taste , but made people laugh . Seeing the humor in the midst of the most grim circumstances is one of the elements of the show that I enjoy the most , and makes it a lot more fun to watch . What has it been like to work with Sam Huntington and Meaghan Rath , and share this experience alongside the two of them ? WITWER : When me and Sammy and Meaghan sat in a room together , it was immediately apparent that this was the group that was going to get cast . There was just something about everyone 's energy , where we understood exactly where our performances need to sit , opposed to each other . Sammy knew when to come in and say something off of my timing , which I knew because Meaghan gave me an opening to say something else . It was just this weird voodoo where we immediately not only knew how to work with each other , but liked each other a lot , just from the get - go , and really enjoyed each other 's performances immediately . Especially in the earlier episodes , we were taken aside by producers and directors and told , " Listen , you have to tone down the chemistry . You guys don 't know each other well enough yet . The chemistry you 're bringing now will be great toward the end of the season , but not now . The rhythms can 't be this established . There needs to be little stilted moments . It can 't be this smooth yet . " It 's funny because you usually get the opposite note . The director usually comes up and says , " Okay , remember , you really like each other . " But , they told us , " You guys like each other too much . You need to be more wary . You don 't know each other that well . " We had to work on that . But , after they live with each other for awhile , we had permission to finally bring more of Sam Witwer , Sam Huntington and Meaghan Rath to those characters , so Aidan gets progressively funnier and Josh is hilarious . The cool thing about the funny stuff that I have to do is that the show isn 't reliant on it . Sam Huntington is really the comedic genius of us three , and so is Meaghan Rath . Those two crack me up so much . I 'm the dramatic anchor of the trio . Those guys really impress me with the things that they can do that I can 't . It 's really just so much fun , and we like each other so much . It 's like having an adopted brother and sister , and it happened immediately . It takes me awhile to get to know someone and get WITWER : That has been a problem , yeah . We 've nearly blown brilliant takes with that whole rule . There was a scene recently where Meaghan touches a real person for the first time , and she was so excited . It 's really funny . Was it difficult to get used to talking with fangs ? WITWER : No , the fangs were very easy , and so were the eyes . I 've had contacts put in on various jobs , so this wasn 't a problem at all . The vampire transformation is really easy . The guy that has it rough is Sam Huntington because he 'll be in make - up for four hours and he can 't sit down . He has to stand up and hold his arms out to the side because they have to apply stuff to his chest and torso . Early in the season , he did a 19 - hour day , and then he had four hours to sleep , and had to do another 20 - hour day after that . That guy , with those prosthetics , definitely had it the worst . Out of the hat , he picked the worst monster to be . Meaghan and me are pretty low - maintenance monsters . WITWER : Smallville was a really awesome opportunity . I can say , probably with certainty , that this job wouldn 't have happened , if it weren 't for the opportunities I had on Smallville . That character was going through something very similar . He was dealing with being a monster and not wanting to be one . On this show , because I 'm # 1 on the cast list , we get a lot more opportunities to explore all the different facets of that type of problem . But on Smallville , Davis Bloom didn 't really have a sense of humor . He didn 't have time , but Aidan does . In terms of the fans , I really hope that genre fans dig this because I 'm one of them . The Force Unleashed gigs were nerve - wracking because I didn 't want to let down any of my fellow Star Wars fans . With Smallville , I didn 't want to let down any of my fellow Superman fans . I actually don 't have much of a connection with the vampire genre . I never really had a particular love for vampires . But , the fact is that we all draw from the same pool of fans . I really would like to do service to these extraordinary situations . With anything sci - fi , if you do it okay or not very well , it 's the worst thing in the world . It 's just cheesy and awful . However , if you do it really , really well , it 's the coolest thing in the world . If you do an extraordinary job of giving gravity to those extraordinary situations , than science fiction and those types of genres are way cooler than what you can do in a lot of traditional genres . You just get more opportunities to tell more daring stories , in terms of the metaphors . There are things that Aidan goes through , later on in the season , in terms of him having some form of relapse . The type of stuff that we do , they had to censor quite a bit of because we really went far with it , but they would have had to censor it even more , if it was me just going for it with heroin . It would have been something that the censors would have been very uncomfortable with . But , if you take it out of that and say , " No , he 's a vampire and it ' sAre you hoping to balance this with film work between seasons , if the show goes on for awhile ? WITWER : Yeah . I 'm very much a fan of doing a gig and moving on . Being Human would be an exception to that because it 's such an exceptional show . I 've actually been in situations where I 've turned down a lot of money to continue on , in certain shows , or to do something that would have lasted years when I didn 't even like it . I didn 't want to be in any one spot for years , unless I really believed in it , and I really believe in Being Human . But , the wonderful thing is that I still will have the opportunity to do stints on various gigs and move on . That is absolutely the plan . I want to just play around in the six months between the seasons . Right now , I 'm just trying to balance it out with getting sleep back . By the end of it , we were exhausted . We 're all burnt . Right now , I can 't even think about work . My agent and manager are coming to me with these wonderful gigs and they want me to audition , and I haven 't had the heart to audition for anything recently because I 'm just too burnt right now . But , I 'll be ready to get back into the swing of things soon . WITWER : I recently got to do a period piece with David Strathairn , called No God , No Master , that was fun . I would love to do more period pieces . That would be a lot of fun . Do you have any films coming out that your fans should keep an eye out for ? WITWER : There 's a film that I did about a Star Wars / Star Trek geek , who loses everything in the recession and decides to join the mafia , so he has to go move in with his mom in her basement , back in Chicago . We shot that in Chicago . That 's called The Return of Joe Rich , and it should be interesting . I 'm the title character , Armand Assante plays my mafia uncle that I try to get in with and Talia Shire is my mother . It 's a fun indie . We 'll see how it comes together . I haven 't seen it yet , but I 've seen pieces of it . It was definitely fun to shoot . Other than that , there 's some other projects that I can 't talk about just yet , but there 's stuff coming .
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This blog started as an attempt to find a lynching for every day of the year . It is a grim part of United States history that I fear too many find easy to shrug away . After two years , I am now focusing on finding more information on the lynchings I have covered as well as posting about lynchings I have not , regardless of excuse given for the lynching . About 2 o ' clock last Monday morning a party of disguised men broke open the jail of Campbell Court - house and took out and hanged the negro Henry Mason , who murdered J . R . Hammersley , a young farmer of that county . He had previously confessed his guilt . At the inquest , Callahan , the jailer , stated that he recognized two of the lynchers , whose names he gave the Commonwealth 's Attorney . At least two other newspapers reported that the members of the mob were " painted all colors . " It was also reported that he was hanged and then shot . Thank you for joining me and as always , I hope I leave you with something to ponder . Posted by There was quiet afterward for awhile but finally True got back into the hall armed with a pocket knife , and rushing up to Walthall , he struck him , before anyone knew he had a knife . The weapon made a deep cut above the heart , severing an artery . Walthall died in less than 15 minutes . He bled internally . There was just a small spot of blood on his shirt front and the fatal cut was so small as to be scarcely visible . His last words were " I 'm smothering . " True came up for preliminary hearing Monday morning before Judge Herbert . The prosecuting attorney was not able to be present , and S . F . Newlon , attorney for True , moved a continuance until next Monday . The Justice 's court was crowded and the foolish wretch seemed to feel his importance - actually seemed proud of his awful deed . The funeral of William Walthall was held Saturday afternoon . It was one of the largest ever held in Hiawatha , whites and blacks attending . William Walthall was 29 years of age and had always lived so as to gain the confidence and esteem of our people . He was a prominent worker in the Colored Methodist church and had been a delegate to the national conference at Philadelphia . He had been for years the trusted engineer at the Raff & Bechtel mill . His employers speak of him in highest terms . He leaves a wife and two children . Tuesday morning at two o ' clock fifteen colored men came out from the shadows of the lumber piles , coal sheds and freight cars where they had spent the greater part of the night waiting until the town slept . They stood for a brief time about the union depot platform and spoke of what they were about to do . A bottle of liquor , was passed around , the last , it is said , of eight gallons . The men were armed with revolvers . These were looked to and then they marched up the deserted Oregon street in an irregular line to the court house park . Turning the corner they went direct to the county jail . They hesitated a minute , as they stopped in front of it . From Haver 's livery stable near by and from several stored in the neighborhood a number of white men , who had an idea of what was to take place , came out to witness it . There were cries of " break in the door . " With wild and fierce yells the door was pounded and kicked until it was nearly battered to splinters . Sheriff Brown heard the first blow and opening a window faced what had become a mad mob . The sheriff talked to them . He begged them to go away and allow the law to take its course : but the mob 's patience soon wore out and someone in the crowd put a stop to his argument by crashing a heavy plank through the door . Then Sheriff Brown and his deputy fired their revolvers ; but the lynchers rushed into the house and as the officers bravely came down the stairs to oppose the intruders they were covered by a dozen guns . " Put ' em down , " cried the sheriff ; but there was a wicked laugh and to save his life he handed over the keys , and was forced to get a light and lead the way to the cell of the negro , Commodore True . True had heard the noise and was up and dressed , with the exception of lacing his shoes . A rope was placed about his neck and with terrible yells from his executioners , he was lead out into the court yard . Once he slipped and fell . Three or more negroes pounced upon him and beat him until the leader stood them off with his revolver . The rope was tightened and he was led to several trees before a suitable one was found . The one selected is near the center of the park , within a dozen steps of the court house . The poor wretch , if he whimpered at all , was not heard in the awful tumult . The fire bell had been rung , the night watchman having had to climb to the top of the tower to ring it , the rope having been cut to prevent him giving an alarm , and a great crowd had collected . " Let me pray , " he cried as he struggled an [ d ] choked . His words seemed to enrage his lynchers . They grasped the rope and pulled until his body dangled above them ; then someone fired a bullet into his body and all the others did the same . Fifty bullets were buried in his corpse . The fusilade [ sic ] of bullets was so wild that a window in Allendorf 's bakery was broken and the trees were clipped with the flying lead . The lynching was not unexpected for it had been threatened ever since . Recent trials of murderers had resulted in the acquittal of Mrs . Bradley , of Everest , of child murder . Another murderer has had his trial continued two or three times since the prosecuting witnesses have disappeared . Another was given six months in the county jail for his crime , while a man who stole a horse got six years in the penitentiary . The white people who witnessed the hanging , in no way tried to prevent it nor did they take part . The general sentiment rather upholds the shameless tragedy , on the ground it was not more shameless than those cited . The father of the murderer , Commodore True , hung himself a year or so ago . He was thought to be insane . True 's mother is a good woman and since his wicked act has prayed for him almost constantly . Sheriff Brown and his deputy stood off the mob fully 20 minutes . He couldn 't get anyone to help him . A few citizens had agreed to come to his rescue at the tap of the fire bell ; but they didn 't come . The sheriff 's overcoat , which hung in the hallway , was riddled with bullets . An inquest was begun Tuesday afternoon by Squire Herbert , acting coroner . The jury was John Walters , N . B . Moore , M . L . Guelich , Thurston Chase , J . V . Rollins , and Ed . Turner . The sitting will be continued for some time , to get all the evidence in the case , and if possible fix the crime where it belongs . True was given a terrific trouncing and sent home . His mother will not allow him to come back to school and will complain to the school board which will uphold Prof . Rhodes , of course . True was not whipped because of his color ; but because he acted badly . That finishes all the information I have on Commodore True 's lynching . Thank you for joining me and as always , I hope I leave you with something to ponder . Posted by Warner was hanged to an elm tree near the court house , drenched with gasoline and set afire . Women and children watched him die . Some were friends of the white girl of 21 , who , officers said , Warner assaulted in an alleyway here Sunday night . The mob obtained a truck and moved it around to the grilled back door . A chain was attached and the truck took the door away . A tank driver who failed to close a door of his vehicle securely was hauled out , and the tank put out of action . Police and sheriff 's deputies battled hand to hand with the crowd , but were pressed back by the heavy odds . Tear gas bombs exploded at intervals . A few wild shots were fired . The noose was placed on Warner 's neck , gasoline obtained from a nearby filling station was hurled upon his trousers and a torch was applied . Later men built a fire beneath the body . The flames burned the rope and the body fell upon the embers . At 1 : 05 A . M . Fire Chief Leo J . Urbanski drove to the scene and extinguished the fire . The body was taken to an undertaking establishment . Found Knife At Scene . ST . JOSEPH , Mo . , Nov . 29 . - A long knife that officers said he used to threaten the young woman he is said to have attacked led to the arrest of Lloyd Warner , Negro lynched by a mob here last night . The knife was found at the scene where the attack victim was tied with her own stockings . The Negro was tied with her stockings . The Negro was traced through the knife in what Prosecutor Frank L . Kirtley described as " one of the finest " pieces of detective work he had ever seen . Accompanied by Capt . L . B . Howard , and Sgt . Porter Clark of the headquarters troop , Superintendent Casteel made the trip from Jefferson City in four hours . " I did everything I could to stop them , " said the sheriff , leaning on the scarred piano in the living room . Windows in the room were smashed , the glass covering a picture on the wall had been shattered by a missile and was strewn over the rug . On the piano was all that remained of what had been a large vase . " They didn 't stop with breaking up my home . They stole things . They took an overcoat of mine that cost $ 45 . They took some hats which belonged to my men in the jail . " I had learned that trouble was brewing and I thought I was ready for it . We were equipped with tear gas . We deemed the jail mob proof . " Some of the mob came to the front door first and knocked . They wanted the Negro but I told them they couldn 't have him . I locked the door and they tried to beat their way in . " To pacify the crowd I invited some of them to come in and see for themselves if we had the Negro . But first I had hidden him . I won 't say where but it was where they couldn 't find him . They looked the place all over but never saw him . Then they went out . " The mob kept making headway . They tossed rocks and bricks and eggs - whatever they could lay their hands on . We fought ' em even after they got inside but I saw it was no use . I had nine Negroes in jail and I was afraid the mob would lynch them too . The crowd was wrecking everything in sight . Why they would have left nothing standing standing if I hadn 't given in . " They were shooting the windows and I expected one of my men to get hit any minute . So I told ' em I was ready to let them have Warner . I went outside and talked to them . " If you keep quiet and be careful you can have the Negro in two minutes , " I said . " There 's no use tearing down any more . I can 't hold out . I 've never known an Irishman to lick a Dutchman before but there are too many Irishmen here for me . " " Sheriff , I 'm so glad you 're all right , " a passerby would say . " Don 't worry about this , it was all for the best . " What did he propose to do about the mob violence ? " What can I do ? " he asked . Then answered it : " Nothing . " ST . JOSEPH , Mo . , Dec . 7 . - John F . Zook , former policeman , pleaded not guilty today to a charge of first degree murder in the death of Lloyd Warner , Negro , lynched Nov . 28 . The ex - patrolman is accused of pouring gasoline over the Negro . Judge J . V . Gaddy in the criminal division of the circuit court ordered Zook held without bond . Zook told the court he will ask permission to appear before the grand jury next week . Dr . Alexander 's statement was occasioned by announcement that there would be no further prosecution of persons indicted as alleged leaders of the St . Joseph , Mo . , lynching mob of last November 28 , after the acquittal of the first man tried . He commented : " This is the old story over again of the failure of courts to convict in the cases of mob violence . In the 1 , 880 recorded lynchings from 1900 to 1930 inclusive , convictions were secured in only 12 instances , or less than 1 per cent . Local courts and juries just will not convict lynchers , even in the rare cases where officers have the courage to make arrests and grand juries the courage to indict . " The muttering throng began to gather about the jail about 9 p . m . The jail , an antiquated brick building to the rear of the courthouse , had been prepared against the possibility of a lynch movement but was unable to withstand the improvised battering rams of the attackers . Automobiles parked across the alleys about the jail building , did little to impede the advances of the beseigers [ sic ] . Two shots , fired from the ground as a signal , started the first attack . A barrage of rocks , gathered from across the alley where a new post office building is under construction , clattered against the jail walls . Officers within the jail let loose with three tear gas bombs . Blinded and weeping , the attackers fell back . By this time some 3 , 000 persons had gathered to match [ sic ] . The 35 officers in the jail building sent out a call for more tear gas . All lights in the building were extinguished . The blinding tear gas from the first three bombs was still hanging like a thin veil about the building when the second attack began . Several attackers took from the post office building a piece of steel pipe eight inches in diameter and about 20 feet long and used it as a battering ram , smashing in the jail door . Officers turned loose another barrage of tear gas , momentarily stopping the assault . After waiting a few moments for the gas to lift , the mob stormed ahead once more , playing a fire hose on the building as it advanced . A second group seized another pipe and joined the attackers . The steel doors of the jail gave way and the mob poured in , encouraged by cheering thousands outside . The business of choosing a limb for Holmes required about ten minutes . A tree some 200 yards from where Thurmond was dangling was finally selected . He was stripped of all clothing and jerked upward . Street lights and flashlights shedding intermittent gleams through the leaves , gave the scene a peculiar ghastliness . The crowd , augmented by thousands who had emerged from the theaters just in time to witness the gruesome climax , quieted . Photographers whose equipment had been seized in the earlier stages of the spectacle were not molested . Hours after the lynching the tear gas still hung about the jail like a sinister veil . The doors of the building were filled with wreckage . Two steel barred doors that had been smashed were barely hanging on their hinges and the heavy pipes that had served as battering rams lay in a corridor . Sheriff Emig , after recovering consciousness , stood by , helpless , until the crowd had wreaked its vengeance . Then he went to a hospital for treatment . Howard Buffington , a deputy who was struck from behind while pleading with the mob , and state highway patrolman Nick Gladner , also received emergency treatment . Several persons were struck by flying missiles or were burned by tear gas bursts . MILWAUKEE , November 27 . - The bloodstained records of Judge Lynch 's court do not show a more dastardly crime than was committed Sunday night , at Preston , in Trempleau county , in this state . Hans Jacob Olson [ sic ] , aged fifty , was torn from his house and lynched by a party of masked men . Olsen was partially insane and somewhat quarrelsome , and had been ordered by his neighbors to leave the country . He neglected to do so , and was strung up . Olsen was seized in bed , pulled out and his hands tied behind him , despite his desperate efforts and the screams of the family . Without even allowing him time to put on his clothes , the men led him out of the house . Once outside Olsen learned what was to be done with him . He caught sight of a new rope hanging over a limb of a large tree which stands not more than twenty feet from the little cabin which was his home . He struggled to free his hands The rope was put around his neck and willing hands drew him up to strangle . His legs were not tied and his kicking and struggling was fearful . The mob remained sometime , however , lest he might be cut down before he was dead . Then after shouting threats of lynching any one who should dare cut down the body , they dispersed . The body was discovered in the morning , but was not cut down until the coroner arrived . The coroner 's inquest was held yesterday at Preston and the following verdict was returned : No evidence as to the identity of the lynchers was offered . It is Preston 's common gossip that the lynchers were led by one of the most prominent farmers in Preston . Further facts will be brought out by evidence following arrests about to be made by the state . The district attorney has the case in charge and wholesale arrests are expected . Olsen had served five years in State Prison for loading wood with powder with intent to blow up the stove of a family at Blair . Arriving home from Waupun , he was shortly afterward sentenced to the County Jail for six months for threatening the lives of his family . He had just returned home from the County Jail when he was hanged . MONTGOMERY , Ala . , Nov . 25 . - John Davis , the negro rapist , was lynched at Randolph , Ala . , last night . Davis was the perpetrator of three outrages , The last outrage was committed near Randolph , on the 21st inst . , on the person of Mrs . Curpton , a white lady . The victim had gone out a distance from her residence and was gathering up fire wood . he and a little boy while picking wood were suddenly sprung upon by two negroes from behind some bushes . One of the negroes drew a pistol and cocked it placing it to her head and said : " If you scream I will kill you : " telling the boy the same thing . LOUISVILLE , July 8 . - The mob at Eckerly , Ind . , known as the Knights of the Switch , who six weeks ago lynched John Davis for an alleged assault upon Ella Flanagan , have just dug up Davis ' remains and tried to burn them . They fear detection and prosecution , and are trying to obliterate all traces of their deeds . It is said they tortured Davis to death by beating him and thrusting sharp sticks down his throat before they swung him by the neck to the sapling where he was found . These sticks had been driven clear into his lungs . The mob has threatened instant death to any who reveal anything about the lynching . FREDERICK , Md . , November 24 . - The corpse of a colored man dressed only in overalls dangling from a tree on Jefferson Heights is a spectacle that attracted thousands of people yesterday . It is the result of an assault that has excited Frederick City as nothing else has excited it since the war . The victim of the assault is Mrs . Mary Yeakle , who was in her youth the belle of the city , and who is now one of the most esteemed ladies in this section of the state . Last Friday she called at several houses in her neighborhood , and after making short visits started home . The street was well lighted and the distance was not great , and people were passing in the vicinity . She reached a part of the street where there is comparative isolation , and suddenly a negro sprang out and dealt her a terrific blow on the side of the face , knocking her down . She fought desperately and screamed . The brute then hit her with brass knuckles and mashed her face terribly . The screams brought assistance and the man ran off . He was promptly pursued , but his fleetness enabled him to escape . When the news of the assault spread the excitement became intense , and plans were at once laid to lynch the scoundrel if he could be caught . The result was the arrest on Monday of John H . Bigus , a medium - sized negro , aged about 23 years , who had acted very suspiciously and had arrived at a friend 's house shortly after the assault , excited and breathless . He told many conflicting stories about himself , having stated to one person that he came from Harrisburg , Pa . , to another that he came from Hagerstown , and he testified that he came from Woodville . When he was arrested he wore on one hand three heavy brass rings . While in jail he was visited by a friend and gave away the rings , evidently having been informed that they would assist to convict him , as it is known that the assailant used a metal weapon of some kind on the hand with which he struck her . When the testimony was taken in the preliminary hearing of his case on Monday , Deputy Sheriff Mille secured his prisoner and proceeded with him to the house of Mrs . Yeakle . Just before the house was reached the negro was taken from the wagon , ordered to remove his overcoat and button up tightly the double breasted coat which he wears . He was then walked up and down the pavement in front of the house on the opposite side of the street several times . Mrs . Yeakle sat at the window in an armchair . The moment she saw the negro she signified to the officials that she recognized him as the man so far as his walk was concerned , his peculiar limp having been noticed by her on the night of the assault . Bigus was then handcuffed and taken to the room of his victim . As he entered and turned to face her she exclaimed : Wednesday night crowds of men gathered mysteriously on the street corners . There were no outward demonstrations , but evidently something was in the wind . About 12 : 15 o ' clock in the morning 100 men , who were well organized , gathered at the jail . When they arrived within a short distance the leader , who seemed to be a man of experience and courage , ordered them to halt . Pickets were at once thrown out to warn off any persons who might approach and others surrounded the jail . The leader called in clear tones to Sheriff Derr , who by this time was looking down on the crowd , to throw the keys of the building to him . The sheriff promptly refused . The invitation met a hearty answer in the action of the lynchers not on guard duty , each of whom showed a marked willingness to follow their commander . The required number , however , indicated in the request , originally made was only allowed to follow . Among them was a man who carried an ax . He set to work at once chopping the basement door , and in a few minutes the panels gave way before his blows . A passage was thus opened into the interior of the jail , but another door intervened between the masked men and Bigus . With celerity they attacked the second barrier , and disposed of it as rapidly as the first . This placed them in the corridor surrounding the cells . It was the work of but a minute to discover the location of the one occupied by Bigus . A big lock dangled in front of it from steel fastenings . A few strokes of the ax and the lock fell with a ringing sound on the floor . The whole proceeding occupied comparatively a short time . The moment the rope was adjusted around his neck Bigus realized the fate in store for him , but showed no perceptible signs of weakness . Through the whole of the trying ordeal his exhibition of courage was remarkable . He loudly protested he was not the man who assaulted Mrs . Yeakle His pleas were interrupted by a member of the band , who ordered him to move along . Bigus was walked over the route taken by the lynching sextet in their search for him , and out into the jail garden . Here again he called aloud he was innocent , but his protestations met with no response from his custodians save a command to continue his walk . He marched with steady step between those who had taken him from the jail and others of the party who had joined them . When in front of the residence of Mr . Rider a halt was made and the leader asked Bigus to confess his crime . A change had come over him , not that he was less plucky , but that he evidently intended to adopt a different manner of speech . He answered : At the foot of the tree the masked man who held the rope gave it a jerk ; the noose tightened with such effect on Bigus as to make him ask that it be loosened so that he might speak . His request was granted . At this juncture , by some means his hands , which had been tied behind him , became unfastened , and he made a grasp for the halter on his throat . Quick and surprising was his action but equally as rapid were the lynchers in their movements . Though he fought desperately , and begged for his life , his arms were pinioned promptly and the rope again adjusted . Finding all hope gone Bigus gave his version of the assault , in which he blamed Joe Hall , colored , for it , and contradicted a statement made when arrested by saying he stood close at hand when Hall attacked Mrs . Yeagle [ sic ] , instead of being at a meeting of the Salvation Army , as he insisted when arrested . A prayer in tones so subdued that only those around could hear it , fell from his lips . No sooner had he finished speaking than the rope was thrown over a limb of the tree and Bigus , before he really knew what was to be the next move , was swinging in the air . His body swayed an instant and the convulsively swung from side to side . The death seemed rather slow for one of the lynchers , who drew a revolver and emptied three chambers of it into the suspended figure . On being satisfied that death had occurred the masked men moved of as quietly as they had approached . People have flocked to the city from all over the country . Public sentiment here seems satisfied that what was considered inevitable is accomplished . The negroes are infuriated over the lynching and threaten vengeance . All day they marched through the streets , carrying heavy horsewhips and denouncing the whites . They promise to make it warm for the ex - policeman who was recently acquitted of the charge of murdering a negro . Not a woman has been seen on the streets , and at night the street looks deserted . Trouble is apprehended by the authorities . Quite a number of fights between whites and blacks have occurred , and but for the interference of the police there would have been bloodshed . Thank you for joining me and as always , I hope I leave you with something to ponder . The victim was a stranger here , having been in the city only three or four days , during which time he made himself very insulting to the ladies and children . He struck the railroad agent 's 5 - year - old daughter , while he was in his office . One young lady sprained her ankle in attempting to escape this rascal , and has been in bed two days . The officers of the law were too slow in attending to their duty for the outraged citizens , hence the results . CHATTANOOGA , Tenn . , Nov . 21 . - A determined mob of from 100 to 200 armed men from the vicinity of Joynerville took the negro Charles Hurd , the slayer of the white boy James Kelley , by striking him on the head with a whiffle tree , from the Wartburg jail at midnight last night and hanged him to a tree about half a mile away . Wartburg is the county seat of Morgan county , in the northern part of the state , and some miles from a railroad , consequently reports of the affair conflict . The lynchers were a grim , determined set of men and dressed in homemade jeans and mountain garb , without disguise of any kind . They marched in an orderly body across the mountains to Wartburg , returning the same way after the deed . The jailor refused to give up the negro , whereupon they battered in the outer doors with sledge hammers , over - powered the guards and forced the jailor , at the point of revolvers , to surrender the keys to the inner door and cells . The murderer was conducted to a tree a short distance off and given a minute to talk . He admitted his guilt , saying that he intended to kill the boy . He asked not to be shot and his request was complied with . About two weeks ago Phipps took his dogs to Morgan county to run down a negro named Hurd , who had killed a young white man . The dog was put on the trail and led about a hundred men a chase of about two hundred miles , consuming two days and nights , but it seems the old dog deceived them , for while they were gone the negro was caught and lynched . This so frustrated the party which had followed the dog that they in some way got her away from Phipps and kept her until he had gone home and then lynched her . Phipps spent two days looking for her and does not yet know what became of her . In case you are wondering what a whiffle tree is , you can read about it here . Thank you for joining me and as always , I hope I leave you with something to ponder . The sheriff and his deputies attempted to steal into town with their prisoner , but a mob of forty or fifty farmers , heavily armed , took the prisoner away themselves . The negro was taken to the home of Mrs . Davis , where he was identified , and then the mob started with the negro for the farm of John Lemon , 10 miles from the city . The mob , in the meantime , had swelled to enormous proportions . Wayne , Ark . , November 20 . - Lige Wells , a negro , charged with assaulting Max Campbell , an Iron Mountain passenger conductor , with a knife and slightly wounding him , was taken from the officers tonight by a mob of armed men , and it is reported that he was lynched . The officers had just boarded the train with their prisoner at this point to take him to the county jail at Forest City , when a dozen masked men entered the coach and forced the officers to give up the negro . The mob left at once for the swamp country to the south of Wynne with the avowed intention of lynching Wells . Information received at a late hour tonight tends to show that the mob carried out it [ s ] plans . NEW ORLEANS , November 19 . - The Picayune 's Yazoo City special says : A week ago William Arnold , colored , came here and surrendered himself to Sheriff Stoling in self - defense . He had shot and killed Captain Robert Johnson , one of the most prominent citizens of the county , at his home near Satartia . This morning a large number of Johnson 's friends went to jail and took Arnold , saying they intended to avenge the death of their friend and neighbor . Since their departure nothing has been heard from them , and it is reasonably certain that Arnold has been lynched . NOW THAT THE question of lynching in the South is removed from the realm of practical politics it may be worth while to turn our attention to it for a serious study . It is asserted that negroes are lynched in the South because they are black . It is asserted that , as a fact , the South is yet in a state of partial barbarism ; that it condones murder and approves of lynching , which gratifies passion and saves the expense of courts and prisons . Is this a fact ? Certain it is that lynching is too common in the South , and for that matter throughout the whole nation , I would distinctly say that I believe that lynching is in every a sense a disgrace to a civilized nation . The uncertainty that attends such execution is a horror inexpressible . The possibility of murdering an innocent man through the passion of a mob sends a chill to the heart of humanity . But as for that matter , the possibility of a legal execution of an innocent man is likewise an unspeakable horror . And there is just about as much uncertainty attending legal executions as upon the average execution execution by lynch law in the South . If we take such a case as that of Carlyle W . Harris , who has been sentenced to death , having been duly convicted by a jury , we have a fair illustration of the fact that with all the possible light thrown upon such cases , by long delay and the most careful judicial investigation , there is still an element of great uncertainty . Whether this young man is guilty or not the world does not know ; and how a jury could agree upon the evidence in the case I for one do not see . We have in America on an average two hundred lynchings every year and about one hundred legal executions . The majority of those lynchings are in the South - perhaps 60 per cent of them . This is an unmitigated disgrace . It is a disgrace to the South . It is a disgrace to the nation . It is a disgrace to humanity . But the question to which we address ourselves is one that affects the attitude of the races . It is true that the negro is lynched because he is a negro ? I do not believe there is one word of truth in the statement . Negroes are not lynched because of their color ; they are lynched for crime . Bishop Fitzgerald has well said , in reply to this assertion , that " the white man in the South who is guilty of the same crime meets an awful doom as swiftly as does the black man . It is notable that in all the spasms of indignation against the Southern people because of these lynchings no word of sympathy has been spoken for the white women who were the victims . " These statistics may be taken as an approximation of the facts . With this classification of causes , however , much allowance must be made for the time and the purpose for which the collection was made . I should take issue with the classification . For instance that twenty - seven men were murdered for race prejudice is pure assumption of the collector of the statistics . That thirteen were lynched for quarrels with white men , it seems to me , is manifestly absurd . That ten were lynched for making threats passes the belief of any sane person who knows the facts in Southern life . These statistics , however , are sufficient to indicate that men are lynched in the South not because of their color , but because of crime . It will be found by examining the statistics that there are as many white men lynched , in proportion to the criminal population , as negroes . According to these figure [ s ] , in one year there were even more whites lynched than negroes . The recent bulletin of the census , classifying crime by color , is a most interesting document . An analysis of the figures gives a most surprising result , and would give some most valuable information to many philosophers upon the negro problem . The classification in both the bulletins is very thorough . A comparison shows that the prevalence of crime among the negroes is out of all proportion of their numbers . Taking imprisonment as the basis of estimate , the bulletins show that in 1890 there was a ratio of one prisoner to each 308 of the African population , while the white race showed one prisoner to 947 of the population , including foreign and native elements . And this proportion does not apply to crimes of lesser gravity alone . In 1890 the negroes formed somewhat less than one - eighth of our population , though they contributed no less than 37 per cent of our homicides . But your average northern philosopher would immediately reply that this would indicate nothing , for says he , the negro does not get justice in the South . He is arrested and imprisoned without mercy , while the white man escapes . If this be true then an analysis of the statistics for the North Atlantic States would prove it . But a careful comparison of the two bulletins shows that in the North Atlantic division of the census , including New England , New York , Pennsylvania and New Jersey , there is one negro criminal to every 132 of the negro population in 1890 , and that there was one prisoner to 650 whites . In other words , where is the safest place in America in which to commit a murder ? Suppose I should desire to murder my enemy and escape with impunity , in what community would I go to commit that deed ? One thing is certain , I would not go South . If I should kill a man in North Carolina the chances are that I would be hung for the deed . I certainly would not go to Texas . I should expect to be swung from a limb in short order out there . The fact is , I would not dare to choose either a Southern or a Western State in which to commit murder . In the South there is a public sentiment which is omnipotent , which is fearful in its vengeance when driven by such awful crimes . But it is a sentiment that indicates a deep and abiding respect for law and order , and the rights of every ragged waif in the streets are high and holy before that august court of the communal sentiment . The poorest child of the streets would arouse that sentiment as quickly as the child of the rich and the strong . If you wish to find a community in which murder and crimes of a similar rank are condoned you will not go South or West . You will search in the great centers of our civic life , and there you will find the darkest spots to - day on the American continent . The picture of a lynching has an unspeakable horror , but the picture of the victim of the crime which that lynching symbolizes is more unspeakable in its horror . It does not indicate a collapse of law . It indicates a collapse of the machinery for the enforcement of law . Law has its source in the heart of the community . Lynch law is justified - if capital punishment is justified at all - in two cases . First , when there is no law statutory , and , second , when the law cannot be enforced . The fact that we have 7 , 000 murders and 100 legal executions in a year indicates that our legal machinery of enforcing laws against homicides is a total failure . It indicates that there is a call for a radical and sweeping reform of our laws and the methods of legal procedure in such cases . It must be remembered by those who philosophize from the Northern point of view that the crime of rape in the South , as well as burglary , is classed among the capital offenses . The great number of negroes who are lynched are lynched for this first awful offence , which , in my opinion , forfeits the life of the criminal ten times over as compared with homicide . Such as the sentiment universal of the South . At a late hour twenty - three men visited his house , Mack was ordered to come out , but refused , whereupon coal oil was poured on the side of the house , but not ignited . A torch was lighted and placed near the house , and old man Smartt , thinking the house was on fire , rushed out into the yard , where he was shot and died instantly . The whitecaps rode away immediately after the killing . A mob was quickly gotten together , and unmasked , but armed with revolvers , the men marched to the jail . They had previously broken into a machine shop in the neighborhood of the jail and procured sledges , crow bars and files . The made at once for the door on the west wing of the jail , and began to batter upon it . Arrived at the tree , the negro was asked to confess , but this he would not do . Two officers of the Salvation Army asked to be allowed to pray with him , and their request was granted . The Lord 's prayer was then repeated and the negro and most of the crowd joined in . " Let him go , " was shouted , and quick as a flash he was jerked from his feet and hung dangling in the air six feet from the ground . One shot was fired into his body and in a few minutes he was dead . The mob during the process of lynching observed order ; none were allowed to fire at him except the one . The assault for which Goings suffered death was a cruel and dastardly one . Miss Jones has 13 cuts and stab wounds on her body where he hacked at her with a knife and razor . She says he asked her for something to eat , and when she gave it to him , he said :
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Isn 't it strange how it 's possible to get a feel for a person simply from reading their words on a screen ? Someone else yesterday had turned me off with his words on a screen , even though there was nothing at all offensive in the words . There was just something there that made me not quite like the guy . She had me at " woo - woo . " I knew exactly what she meant . I am a big believer in woo - woo , too , though I may never have used those exact words to describe a " vibe " or connection that you can 't really explain . ( Then again , I actually may have . . . ) A wise woman many years ago taught me to just accept the fact that I am a person who operates out of my " gut . " I need to do what feels right , even if it 's not logical , even if it makes no sense to anyone else on earth . It took me many , many years to understand that all the analysis and logic in the world won 't help me with a decision unless the right feeling is there first . That 's not to say I abandon common sense . Once I jump into what may seem like a crazy - ish project , I use the sensible side of my brain to see it through . I 'm not completely wackadoo . I 've written before about what I 'll call the " walking into our consciousness " phenomenon . We learn the meaning of a new word , and suddenly we see and hear it everywhere . We find out a relative has a disease we 've never heard of , and suddenly we see references to it everywhere . The word and the disease existed all along , of course , but we weren 't conscious of them . Two weeks ago , I had never heard of Swedish author Henning Mankell . A friend recommended him , so I checked out The Fifth Woman from the library and spent an entire Sunday unable to put it down . I was delighted to find that the author has been around a while , so I 've got a whole series of his books to enjoy . ( I 'm almost finished with One Step Behind . ) Fast forward to last night . My husband and I were having dinner with friends , and I was looking forward to telling them about Mankell . I knew they would like him , and I knew Tedd loves to find a good writer and then read everything he 's written . I even confess to deleting an email I was going to send them recommending Mankell because I was afraid , if I did , Tedd would get to the library before me and check out all the Mankell books . I wanted to get another book first . Last night my friends arrived carrying some books to share with me . The first words out of their mouths : Have you heard of Henning Mankell ? I think you 'll really like this one . And they handed me a Henning Mankell book . I find this so strange . Out of all the books in the world , they handed me one by the author I was just going to recommend to them , an author who has been around for years . I suspect Mankell is going to be turning up a lot lately , now that he 's walked into my consciousness . The cat my husband and I often call " The Little One " is really twice as heavy as our other cat . She was a tiny ball of white fluff when we got her , but she 's no longer little . ( In fact , she 's no longer even white . ) Yet we still find ourselves thinking of her and calling her " The Little One . " I wonder what other outdated notions are stuck in my brain - - things that used to be one way but are that way no longer . I think of the front of our 100 - year - old home as beautiful , but with paint peeling in places as it waits for us to finish scraping and priming , it probably isn 't . I still think of my 30 - year - old sewing machine as my " new " sewing machine . My baby brother is still " a kid " to me , though he is a responsible adult with a wife and a son starting his junior year of college . People and things change , but sometimes we don 't notice . Sometimes not noticing can be a good thing , as in seeing a friend as the young soul she is , though she really has wrinkles and gray hair . But sometimes it can be a problem , as in not noticing that a cute little puppy has become an undisciplined monster who scares people . Or that a two - year - old 's funny little hissy fits aren 't so cute coming from an eleven - year - old . Or that someone who has always been independent and strong has hit a rough patch and needs some help . I always think of a friend who sometimes told her kids to put on " Grandmother 's glasses " when she asked them to straighten up the house . When she asked them to put on Grandmother 's imaginary glasses , she was asking them to look at the house with new eyes , to look at it as someone else would see it . Sometimes we all need to put on Grandmother 's glasses to take a look at people and things in our lives . And sometimes it 's fine to go right on with our own special view of things . The difficulty is in knowing the difference . On Saturday , my friend Kathy and I went to a wonderful farmers ' market in Edmonds , Washington , and then wandered into a little boutique nearby . As we admired all the beautiful clothes , we expressed frustration to each other that , as usual , everything was too long - sleeves , pants , tops . We are both short , and only petite sizes generally work for us . One of the very tall young women who works there approached us and asked if we were finding what we needed . Kathy commented , " Oh , you have beautiful things - for people like you , not us . " She was referring to height . But the woman misunderstood . She looked us over , up and down , and then said , confidently , " But we do have some loose , comfy clothing , too . Let me show you . " When my mother became a 4 - H leader when I was a kid , she paid close attention to the annual dress reviews , when all the 9 - 18 year - old girls in the county modeled the clothes they had made for a panel of judges . Nine - year - olds made and modeled aprons , and she noticed that the bright , solid colored aprons stood out more on the stage than the printed aprons . So she encouraged the girls in her club to make bright colored aprons and to wear white dresses for the dress review . Mom had an ability to look at things from the point of view of the audience , whether it was dress reviews , plays she directed , parties she planned , or exhibits she organized . If there 's anything I inherited from her , I think it is a bit of that talent . I can say that now , but until I was well into adulthood , I truly believed that I hadn 't inherited any of my mother 's talents . Everyone said that I took after my dad and my sister took after my mother . I never questioned that , though I was sad not to be at all like Mom . Then I read the book My Mother , Myself . Early in the book , the author tells how , for years , she always cut one end off a roast before she put it in the oven to cook . Finally , someone asked her why she did that , and she realized it was because her mother always had . She called her mother and asked why . Her mother told her that her roaster was too small , so she always hacked off one end of the roast to fit it into the pan . Somehow , that book opened my eyes to the fact that it 's really impossible for daughters not to be like their mothers . I started thinking about how I always grab Kuner 's brand kidney beans when I buy them , how I never buy cheap dish soap because Mom told me that it 's not a good idea , how I tend to pick my battles carefully , going after only what really matters to me . I started paying attention to the things I love to do and realized how often they are the things Mom loved to do . And , you know , if I were a 4 - H leader observing dress reviews today , I truly believe that I would notice exactly the same things my mother did . I , too , would soon have little girls wearing white dresses and brightly colored aprons , just like she did . May 4 , 2009 11 : 01 : 35 AM Last Friday I had my hair colored , asking my hairdresser to take pains to match what is left of my original red hair . Today I opened the newspaper to a huge , two - page article with tips from Charla Krupp 's book , How Not to Look Old . Tip # 2 was , " Lighten your hair , going two shades lighter than your natural base color . " Cautiously , I read on . I 'm in trouble on other fronts as well . I 'm supposed to lose my hoop earrings . ( That 's pretty much all I wear for everyday . ) And my acid - washed jeans . ( My favorite pair is acid - washed . ) And my choker necklaces . ( My husband gave me a choker I love . ) I 'm supposed to buy jeans that fit and flatter me . ( The only pair I have that fits me well is acid - washed . I have no jeans that flatter me . ) I 'm supposed to wear a " make - up primer , which fills in wrinkles . " I have no idea what a make - up primer even is , but she assures me that if I spend more time getting my " canvas " to look great , then I can get away with wearing less make - up . Still , there is hope for me . I 'm supposed to cut some bangs . ( I have bangs . ) I 'm supposed to avoid dark nail polish . ( I 'm lucky to have on any polish at all . ) And I 'm supposed to lose my tube tops and bustiers . ( Like I would have any tube tops and bustiers ! ) What 's sad is that I read every word of the entire article . " Hi . . . , " I answered , remembering her name , sort of , but not how to pronounce it . Was it Cor - RIN or Cor - RIN - a ? Cor - REEN or Co - REEN - a ? Whatever her name was , she was living in my neighborhood again after several years of living in another state . Not knowing each other well , we turned for our chit - chat to the only thing we have in common : cats . Now I am a cat person , but this woman is really a cat person . At one point years ago , she had nine of them when another kitten arrived on her doorstep . ( How do animals know who the softies are ? ) Her husband put his foot down - - no more cats . She asked if my husband and I would take the kitten . We told her to bring the kitten over , and we would see if our thinks - she 's - the - center - of - the - universe Cassie would tolerate her . Cor - Whatever brought the kitten over in a basket , set it down , and watched Cassie go nuts . Cassie growled , threw a little hissy fit , and acted as if she would tear the kitten from limb to limb if she ventured all the way out of that basket . Last night I was home alone and sat down at my computer to do some work at about 9 : 00 p . m . Suddenly there was an awful racket right outside the window next to me , and my heart raced . My first thought was that someone was trying to break into the house . Then I remembered I was on the second floor , and I couldn 't see why someone would choose the second floor for a break - in . It took a minute , but I finally recognized the problem : The raccoons were back . The raccoons that keep tearing apart the roof of our porch . The raccoons that make my husband 's life miserable . The raccoons that are brazen in their destructiveness . The raccoons we hate . When I say that they tear up our roof , I mean that literally . They rip off shingles , break them into pieces , toss them around , and leave huge holes . To what end ? We have no idea . The first time I looked out and saw their handiwork , my immediate thought was that a bomb had landed on the roof in our absence . It 's that bad . Last night I wanted to protect our house , so I grabbed a flashlight and aimed it out the window . I could see nothing , but the racket continued . I threw on a robe and ran outside , shining the light onto the roof . Again , I could see nothing , but I knew my theory was right when chunks of shingles came drifting down . I ran back upstairs and pounded on the window and wall . The racket continued . Twenty minutes later , their mysterious roof - ripping urges apparently satisfied , they finally must have ambled on , as the sound finally stopped . My husband came home later to a pile of shingles on the ground . The motion detector light he had installed on the roof had not saved the day . The raccoons evidently just huddled in the shadow beside it . He was not happy . The raccoons , I fear , were . He was the kid everyone laughed at in junior high a couple of decades ago . He walked on the front of his feet , almost on tiptoes , with his arms flapping at his side . He was very smart , but he was clearly different , and the students recognized that difference immediately and were often merciless . On top of everything else , he had a weird name , both first and last - names I 've never heard anywhere else , before or since . Although this wasn 't his name , I 'll call him " Tribular Norstwick . " It was a name just that strange . A couple of years ago , I was reading a wire service story about a couple who had made it their practice to adopt severely handicapped children , even children they knew were dying . It was a moving story , but what really got my attentionwas the name of the father : Tribular Norstwick . Certainly , there could not be another person in the universe with this name . That weird little boy had grown up , married , and was treating other children with the kindness he hadn 't received himself as a child . I knew where he had learned his compassion for those who were different . Last night I thought that I might , finally , have found some comfortable new shoes to wear with jeans . The Merrils felt great , and the salesman told me how much people loved these shoes . I was about to buy them when I asked the question most on my mind : " Do people wear socks with these ? " I just wanted reassurance . The style was just a tad edgy for me , and I wasn 't sure about the socks . I definitely wanted to wear socks . But was that okay with this style ? I did know . After all , I was standing there in my little ballet flats that I know perfectly well I should not be wearing socks with . But , well , my feet had been cold that morning . To add to my tacky look , the thin knee - highs weren 't staying up very well , and I could feel that one had crept down and was pooling around my left ankle . I suddenly felt more than tacky . I felt like the queen of frump . I didn 't buy the shoes . And I 'm torn between appreciating the salesman 's fashion advice and wishing he had just lied to me about the socks . If he 'd lied , I 'd now have some comfortable shoes that I could wear , with socks , blissfully unaware of my tackiness . On Frozen mangoes and an official goodbye Sue Burke : Love this , Cheri ! On Difficult dad Sandy : My husband is an old farmer / rancher . He will on . . . | more »
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That 's right , ladies and gentlemen . Will has finally come ! He was born April 26th and 8 : 44am . He weighed 7 pounds , 14 ounces and is 20 inches long . We came home from the hospital yesterday . Here is a quick glimpse of our precious baby boy . I plan on doing a post about the labor soon , as well as adding plenty of more pictures . More pictures coming , I promise . The biggest mistake you could ever do while pregnant is planning on your baby coming early . I was so sure that Will would come early that is has made the last week practically intolerable . And I still have a full week until my due date ! Don 't even mention to me that there is a possibility he will come late . At any rate , I figure I will have this baby anytime between now and 13 days at the latest , seeing as they will finally induce me at 41 weeks . However , I 'm really hoping I don 't have to wait that long . One of the main reasons that I am so anxious to get him here is because my mom has this coming week off work . So she would be able to come and help out longer , and I know I am going to want her here . Whereas if he waits longer to come , she will probably only be able to stay a few days . We had our 39 week appointment with Dr . Olsen yesterday . I was still only about 1 . 5 cm dilated , but I suppose that is better than nothing . He said the baby had dropped , which is also a good thing . He also stripped my membranes , hoping to help speed the process up a little bit . I went on a two hour walk shortly after he stripped me , but as of yet not much as changed . He said about 50 % of women will go into labor within 3 - 4 days . I hoping I 'll be one of those 50 % . I feel like I 've been very blessed with this pregnancy . The last 2 weeks have definitely been a big struggle for me , but then I hear of friends who struggle the entire 9 months ! I am trying really hard to find something to be grateful for right about now . So here goes : I am grateful that I still have never thrown up . I am grateful that I never got really nauseated or an upset stomach . I am grateful for the technology that we have today that allows us to monitor our children so closely and make sure things are going alright . I am grateful for doctors . I am grateful that my body has not completely fallen apart and that I am still able to be active and do the things that I need and want . I am grateful that I have been able to work as long as I have . I am grateful for all my family and friends who have been there to support us . I am grateful for my daily phone conversations with my mom . I am grateful for this precious little boy that I have inside me . And mostly , I am grateful for Lance . The two things I have struggled most with in the past weeks is my emotions and sleep . And I am sure that they are highly correlated . I have been having an extremely difficult time sleeping at night due to constant bathroom breaks , sore back , hips on fire , uncomfortable mattress , etc . I am used to running on little amount of sleep , but at least it was a little amount of good sleep . Now it 's just little amounts of terrible sleep . Then throw in the fact that I feel COMPLETELY bipolar most of the time . I will have one day where I am completely happy and not really caring when this little guy gets here . Then the next day , a monster takes over and it is the only thing I can think about ALL DAY long . On these days , I 'll usually burst into tears at least 4 - 5 times and pretty much just sulk around the whole day . The worst part is that I realize I am doing it , and I know that I need to do something to make it better , but I seem to be unable to . I 'm not sure who it 's more frustrating for : Lance or me . He tries so hard to cheer me up , and I am so grateful to him for that . He is the main reason that I am surviving this and trying to stay positive . Lance will massage my back at least 1 - 4 times a day . Or he 'll rub my feet after my walks . He still always tells me I 'm beautiful . Pretty much , he 's just amazing . I don 't know what I would do without him . Well , I suppose that 's a decent update for now . Hopefully this will be my last post before we introduce our little baby into the world , but there may still be time for another one . Guess we 'll just have to wait and see . I wish I could change the WEATHER ! ! I am so ready for warmer weather . I was terribly disappointed when I woke up and found it was raining . Then , I made the mistake of checking the weather channel and found out it will pretty much be raining for the rest of the week . I have been having a hard time with everything the past week and I could really use some sun to help cheer me up . I have always loved the maternity pictures that some people do . I considered getting them done at a studio , but decided I 'd rather pay for real pictures once Will is actually here . So these pictures were just taken at our apartment by my friend Ashli Barfus . Thanks for taking them Ashli . These were taken when I was exactly 37 weeks . Enjoy ! Here are just a small few of my favorite books . I have way too many to choose an absolute favorite . These aren 't necessarily my top 4 , they are just ones I that I really enjoy and was also able to find pictures of on limited amount of time . As you probably noticed , all of my favorites are " church books " . While I can appreciate other books and enjoy many different genres , I have found that the majority of my books come from Seagull Book or Deseret Book . I have quite the library of books too ! I think one time I counted how many books I owned and it was over 150 . . . and that was back when I was in high school . What can I say , I love to read ! Posted by So obviously I haven 't done a post in several days . Honestly , I have no excuse . I sat down at my computer many times determined to do a post , but I found myself doing other things instead . Anyways , I am going to cheat and skip a few . Maybe when I get bored in the next few days I will go back and catch up on the days that I am skipping . But for now , we will just pretend it is day 22 . Sleep ! ! I am jealous of this guy . No matter how tired I was , I don 't think I could ever fall asleep in that position . I just might be the pickiest sleeper I know . I have the hardest time getting to sleep and staying asleep . Fortunately , I am usually blessed with not needing a ton of sleep to function . I got through college on relatively little sleep . And that worked for me . . . then . Now , I just wish I could sleep better and longer . This desire mostly comes from wanting the days to pass faster , and if I could sleep all day , then wallah , it would be one day closer to getting this little guy out . But no , my body seems to reject sleep , even when I feel really tired . Then again , maybe it will make me more prepared to wake up with a baby during the night . I have always been really insecure with my body , weight , and the way I look . I haven 't felt good about my body since . . . . well I 'm not sure I 've ever really felt good about it . I have memories as early as the 3rd grade of me wishing I was skinnier . This picture is super unflattering , but I 'll let myself slide just a little due to the fact that it was taken when I was 36 weeks pregnant . It 's been really hard for me watching the number on the scale go up and up every appointment . I know you have to gain weight when your pregnant , and it 's helped having a little bit of an excuse , but I also know that I am not going to be one of those lucky girls that is back into her normal jeans the week after . I read somewhere that most people don 't really gain any weight the last few weeks . I 've been going on walks every day , and eating normal , so I figured the scale would at least stay the same , if not go down . How the heck did I gain 5 pounds in six days ? That 's just depressing ! I 'm hoping some of it is just water weight . . . or something that will go away quickly . Once this baby is out , I 'm no longer going to have an excuse and I will have a lot of work to do . Fabulous . I think it goes without saying that this little guy has probably had the biggest impact on my life in the past few months . He has had an effect on pretty much everything I do . I pushed graduation ahead a little bit so we could have him . I decided not to continue my education or change jobs . We got a bigger apartment . We have been slowly buying all the essential baby items we need . I am not as reckless as I usually am . I can 't go more than a few minutes without thinking about him . He has definitely already changed my life . There are many people who have inspired me throughout my life , but I felt that this person deserves a special shout - out . This is one of my closest friends , Kim Newman . I thought this was a fitting picture . . . she is , afterall , . . . SUPER KIM ! I met Kim my freshman year of college when we were roommates . While we were good friends then , we became much better friends in the following years . She has helped me through many rough times . I have probably had some of my deepest and most meaningful conversations with Kim . I 've told her things that I haven 't told anyone else . She is one of those friends that I would think to call if I was stranded in the middle of no where , and she is one of those friends that would not hesitate to come get me . She is very intelligent , driven , and she can succeed in whatever she tries . It is nice having her as a friend because she is constantly pushing me to do better . I worked harder in school in an attempt to beat her GPA . I would read my scriptures more and be better at going to church because I knew that Kim did . Anything Kim can do , I can do better , right ? ? Or not . . . she has a lot of qualities that I really admire and hope to have myself someday . I have always LOVED traveling and one of my biggest dreams in life is to go to Germany . . . . and the rest of Europe . I have always been fascinated with it and really want to see everything . I would love to just go over to Europe with a small bag full of stuff , and just wander for a few months . Finding random places to stay , and just not making plans , but living day - to - day . I have also always really wanted to try surfing . This seems like a much more attainable goal , so I really think that I will be able to get this crossed off my list before I die . Hopefully . I could not imagine my life without Lance . He is so good to me , and I know there are far too many times where I don 't show him how much I appreciate all he does . The weather was so warm yesterday , we had to spend most of the day outside . Lance wanted to go slack - lining . We hadn 't been since last summer / fall , but he did so good ! I was very impressed how good he was after such a long break . I read and took pictures while he had his fun with his friend Tom . Posted by 4 Weeks Left ! Today I am 36 weeks ! I finally feel like we are getting towards the end . Unfortunately , I also find my patience quickly running out . I have been very good up until the last few days . Now the thought of having to wait 28 more days just frustrates me . I hope he comes early , but I am trying really hard not to expect it . We had our doctor 's appointment yesterday . I 'm not sure why , but I was feeling kind of nervous before we went . I hadn 't been feeling Will move a ton that morning , so I was just a bit worried . But at the same time , I usually don 't pay enough attention and focus on his movements , so it was hard to tell . The doctor visit went well . At 34 weeks , I was measuring 34 centimeters and was right on . Now at 36 weeks , I am measuring 39 centimeters ! Talk about a growth spurt ! Anyways , Dr . Olsen said that he wanted us to get an ultrasound done to check on a few things . He said that the heart beat was a little high , and that he also wanted to do this bio . . . profile thing . . . . I can 't remember the name . It had me slightly worried , concerned that there was something wrong . Unfortunately , the hospital was pretty booked and we had to wait until today to get that ultrasound . It was a lot of fun to see our little baby this far along and see the changes from the last one . The technician had a list of things he was checking for and Will passed with flying colors ! Some of those things included : turning his head side - to - side , full body movement , breathing movements , being responsive , etc . He is measuring a bit bigger than average . He said based on that ultrasound that my due date would be April 18th . I would be very happy with that ! But like I said earlier , I am trying really , really hard not to expect it . But I 'll be honest , I wont be particularly happy if he waits until his due date . And don 't even THINK about mentioning him coming late ! He weighs about 7 lbs right now and is doing really good . Babies typically gain about 1 / 2 a pound a week from here on out , so if he waits until his due date he will at least be 9 pounds . He is still apparently a little shy , because he still wouldn 't give us a clear shot of his face . Again , his hands were covering the majority of his face . The little stinker . He is definitely a boy though , so I don 't have to worry about exchanging anything that I have so far . I also went to a parenting class last night . Lance had to work so he wasn 't able to go , but I shared everything I remembered once he got home . There were many topics that were covered and I felt like there were some good suggestions offered . They talked about communication with your baby , different cues , how to swaddle , etc . One thing that I really liked and never would have thought of : she said that mothers are attracted to the smell of their babies , and babies are attracted to the smell of their mothers . So when she was a new mother , she wanted her baby to learn how to fall asleep on his own , not while she was holding him . So when he was getting tired , she would put him in his bed , and she would roll up the shirt she had been wearing that day to put next to him . The smell would help to comfort him and so he could fall asleep without being held . Who thinks of these things ? ! So I really appreciated all the little suggestions ( such as that one ) . Well that is about it with the pregnancy update . Our next doctor appointment is next Wednesday . I 'm hoping that now the appointments are every week that it 'll help the time go by faster . Me and my husband , Lance currently reside in Syracuse Utah . He is in a management training program at Enterprise Rent - A - Car and I stay home with our two young kids . View my complete profile
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Sharon glanced from the buzzing phone to Hexom , wondering what she should do . He had an odd smile , somewhere between smirk and … jealousy ? " Why are you looking at me like that ? " The smile vanished , replaced by concern . " I understand where you 're at right now . This is all a big surprise , it doesn 't seem real , and you mostly want to just get up and walk away like none of this ever happened . But I know there 's a certain part of you that find 's this rather intriguing . Because it 's different , yes ? Something new . " Sharon offered her own strange smile . " You 've got me there . Of course , there 's this business with you dying that I really don 't relish . " Hexom sighed . " That 's really not important . Well , it IS , but not at the moment . You need to focus on your own honest reactions to everything that happens . The whole game depends on you doing that , especially the outcome of the game . Understand ? " Sharon made an exasperated noise . " I don 't understand ANY of this , but I do know that there 's no reason for your rudeness and arrogance . I 'm not sure if you aren 't getting laid enough or you 're just an asshole . But until I do something that is really worth getting upset about , and I assure you that 's coming , pull whatever it is out of your butt and BE NICE ! " Then a sound came from the phone , hearty laughter , strong enough that it temporarily overrode whatever voice - disguising thing he was using . Throaty and rich . And slightly chilling . Then the program took control again , and the genderless monotone was back . " Well , then , Miss Horizons , it appears that we 'll get along just fine . Are you ready for the first stone ? " " Oh , it 's much more . But we 'll pretend that 's all it is at the moment . Now , Miss Horizons , I would normally abruptly terminate the call at this point , in order to establish my dominance and ensure anxiety - based cooperation . But as you felt compelled to introduce a new rule concerning phone etiquette , and I don 't see why we shan 't be cordial , I will instead depart by wishing you a pleasant afternoon . " Sharon laughed . " Why , thank you , Mr . Roboto . And I hope that the removal procedure at your posterior wasn 't too painful . Good day . " Sharon set the phone on the table once again . " He 's on my nerves already . I 'll need to be drinking the next time he calls . " " Of course it 's a man . Women are never that rude . " Then Sharon turned and screamed across the room . " Potter ! Get your ass over here right now or I 'm going to cut you ! " There was a yelp from the foyer of the restaurant , and then the rumpled man who was finally off the floor , clutching his wrinkled papers and battered briefcase , staggered his way to the booth , knocking over three innocent chairs and sending a small child sailing through the air . ( A husky fellow at one of the tables leaped to his feet and caught the child , hollering " Two Points ! " while doing so . His girlfriend immediately broke up with him out of embarrassment and left the building . ) Sharon , grimacing slightly , said " Dewey , this is Hexom Breen , Hexom , this is Dewey Potter . Dewey works for me when he can remember exactly what it is that he does . Something with numbers , it 's not clear to either one of us . I only keep paying him out of sympathy . " Sharon sighed , lighting yet another cigarette . " Dewey , we are not family . Just because your parents and my parents made some type of foolish satanic pact when they were youngsters at Camp Whateverthehell in the drug - addled 60 's , it does NOT make us blood . I keep trying to tell you this . I am NOT your sister , physically or socially . " Sharon ignored this . " Now , what do you need ? Why did you want to meet ? And who bought you that tie ? You should no longer speak to them . " Sharon stubbed out her cigarette . " Dewey , thick boy , I know what Papyrus is . I bought the damn thing . Can we focus ? What did you find with the stock ? " Sharon sighed . " That doesn 't surprise me , what with your typical ass - over - head entrance a bit ago . Did you check under the slutty hostess that 's standing there , on the verge of getting pregnant at any second ? " Dewey shook his head . " Not missing here , missing at the office . The paperwork from when we took the company public is not there , and it should be . I called you immediately . " He smiled sheepishly , perhaps expecting a gift for his expedient reportage . Sharon did not offer one . " Did you check with anybody in the office . Those other boring people who are always sitting around in their horrid outfits , reading Sylvia Plath and waiting to die ? They might know something . " Dewey frowned . " Oh . Well , I didn 't think to ask . I just thought you should know . You know , because I didn 't tell you right away that time I accidentally ordered 3 , 000 cases of kumquats and we had to rent the Cotton Bowl . " Sharon nodded her head . " I see , yes , that was a very trying time for me . And there 's a slim possibility that you might be on to something . But why don 't you go back to the office , assist one of the glum people with her suicide , and make sure you know what is really going on before you call me again . " " Well , then , " said Sharon , gathering her things and throwing them into her bottomless purse . " Let 's get out of here as well . We 've been sitting in the same restaurant for five chapters now and my ass is numb . " Hexom stopped her , placing his manicured hand on hers . " Not to excite you unduly , it may be nothing , but you really should take the stock thing seriously . After you fire Dewey . " Hexom looked into her eyes intently . " The host really does know a tremendous amount of people . People who know things . And can get access to things . And change things . Like your life . " Hexom signaled to Bambi that his raspberry tea was getting a bit low , and she immediately raced to retrieve another glass , knocking aside co - workers like there was a prize of some kind . Two seconds later , she presented the fresh offering , managing to lightly caress one of her breasts during the delivery . Hexom winked at her , resulting in sudden hi - beams and a small moan as Bambi 's libido raged untamed , then he turned to Sharon . " You have no idea . It just gets more twisted as it goes along . " Sharon pointed at her own parched glass , indicating that Bambi should share the love . Bambi reluctantly headed for another round , most likely intending to desecrate it in some way , possibly in a poisonous manner that would narrow the competition for Hexom 's affections . Poor , empty - headed thing . The disappointments she must face on a daily basis . Sharon sighed again , mainly because it was sometimes fun to do so . " But why did it take three years from your getting the clue until you found me ? Do you work for the government ? " Hexom took a surprisingly large gulp of the tea , and then subconsciously smacked his lips , proving he was one of those people who feel it necessary to advertise their level of consumption satisfaction , much to the growing chagrin of nearby non - smackers . " Well , I didn 't initially take any of this seriously , just as I 'm sure you 're not quite buying it at the moment . And it seems that I was the first … . invited player , if you will … and most of the rules had not been defined . I seem to be some type of guinea pig - " A cell phone went off , warbling something operatic , so it obviously had to be Hexom 's device . He reached into a cleverly tailored and concealed pocket , removing something sleek and futuristic that would be outdated in three days . He glanced at the incoming number and flipped it open . " Yes ? " Instantly , an eerie , sexless voice came through a tiny opening at the bottom of the unit . " … because you KNOW the rules , Hex , you CAN ' T say anything you 're not allowed to say , because I WILL find out and you will be disqualified , and you KNOW that if that happens you 'll - … . Hexom , take me off speaker phone immediately ! " Hexom lunged for the button but before he could quite press it , the genderless voice shared a few more words . " Hello , Sharon . Nice to finally meet you . " Sharon stared at Hex in amazement . " He calls you ? Can 't you trace the call and have him arrested ? This is ridiculous . Why are you putting up with ANY of this ? " Hexom held up his hand . " First , we don 't know that if it 's a male or a female . The voice is slightly different every single time . But the tone , the inflections , are the same . And of course I tried involving the authorities , back in the day , but trust me when I say that THAT will get you nowhere , and it makes this person mad . Our host has an amazing amount of friends . And they are everywhere . " Sharon scoffed . " Host ? As if this were a dinner party . " She grabbed her bottomless purse and began to rummage about once more , setting aside a hair dryer and a jar of mayonnaise before locating her cigarettes and lighting one , doing so with the practiced ease of someone who probably did this twenty - six times before getting out of bed in the morning . Sharon glanced at the mayo , thought briefly , then reached for it with determination . The manager turned and fled , as if what was about to come happened all the time in here . Sharon hurled the jar with great skill , narrowly missing the manager as he dodged at precisely the right time . The jar then connected with the head of a pretty Indonesian woman who was enjoying spinach and bacon fajitas , knocking her to the ground where she lay motionless , a tortilla still clutched in one hand like a doughy handkerchief . One of the servers , a hefty manboy who didn 't seem to ever speak despite taking food orders from patrons , strolled up , grabbed Indiana , and dragged her into a small room on the left . Interesting . Was there a stack of missing citizens in there ? Why would they need an entire room for such a thing ? Back to Hexom . " Actually , the dinner - party analogy is somewhat apt . Something is always being served . You just never know what it 's going to be . You just keep eating until you figure it all out , or you stop getting invitations . " Hexom pursed his lips . " It means you disappear . And someone takes your place . As you might surmise , there was a change to the guest list just last evening . It was in the papers this morning , you know . " Sharon snapped her fingers at Bambi as she stood in the shadows , scribbling " Mrs . Hexom Breen " on a napkin . " Urchin girl , come here . " Bambi scurried over , a look of absolute terror in her dimly - lit eyes . " Is there something I could - " A brief image of airborne condoms flittered through Bambi 's head , but it was quickly gone because both of her brain cells were working overtime just trying to keep her alive . Releasing a small squeak , she ran to find the manager , who was scraping lasagna off a wall . They consulted quietly , with fingers pointed back at Sharon , until the manager 's head finally began to nod . Sharon leaned over to peer out the front window . Indeed there was . She reached into her cornucopia bag and then chunked some coins in Bambi 's direction . " Go get me one . " Bambi squeaked again and then rushed out the door , operating on pure survival instinct and wishing she had listened to her mother about taking that typing class . Unable to understand how the coins could make the paper box open , she picked up a brick left over from the gang fight last Saturday and began to beat at the box until the door fell open . Bambi grabbed the entire contents , ran into the restaurant , leaped over the accountant , landed on his carefully stacked pile of papers , sending them slithering , nearly lost her balance , managed to stay upright by clutching an anonymous breast , and then arrived at the table . Sharon ran a finger down the smeary newsprint until she found " Peggy 's " notice , reading it aloud . " Rest in peace , Sara . You won 't be missed . You grow cold , but your chair will not . " Sharon looked up at Hexom . " What the hell ? " Sharon made a petulant noise , refolded the paper , and then tossed it on the floor with its friends . A corner of the paper slapped against a cowboy boot . A very large cowboy boot , parked next to an equally large twin . Sharon and Hexom 's eyes traveled up the boots , up the legs and over the torso of an extremely tall , stunning man , who was holding a box . Sharon laughed , taking the proffered box . " Thank you , Alejandro . You may go wait in the car . " The wall of man turned and walked away , stepping over the accountant . Sharon waved a hand . " A friend of mine specializes in such things . He cleans the pool every morning . Naked . It 's better than caffeine . And let me assure you that the drapes match the carpet . You could fish with it . And I make sure someone throws leaves in the pool every night . Now , let 's see what 's in the box . " Sharon studied the sheet . " Oh . Well , it 's got little checkboxes with lines to the side . But everything is blank . And there 's a big blank box at the bottom . " Okay , so there 's the review of the last episode , which mainly deals with Andrew going off the rails at the Veto Ceremony . Other than that , same old . Then Julie appears , wearing an odd dress with some ill - advised zipper placement . She babbles about Matty for a while , and mentions that two floaters are on the block . Which begs the question . Who in this house isn 't ? Sigh . I miss Janelle . More shots of Andrew being weird , which leads to another series of Taxi Cab confessions in the Diary Room as people ponder Andrew and his twistedness . Britney : " I 'm so confused ! " This doesn 't surprise me , Britney . It certainly shouldn 't surprise YOU . Then again , by some random fluctuation in the world , you will probably end up in the final four . Just sayin . Rachel : " This house is full of haters ! " Whatev . You really need to calm down . Kathy : " I have no idea what that speech was about ! " Agreed . But the same thing could be said about your cosmetic skills . Andrew : He still thinks he did a really smooth thing . I 'm thinking the short shorts from the surfboard competition have caused permanent damage . Just a guess . Cut to Brendon and Rachel in one of the 412 rooms . She 's all mad at Andrew , snarling and crying and gazing with hatred upon inanimate objects . Speaking of , Brendon tries to calm her down by telling Rachel that Andrew 's speech was all planned . Wrong move . This makes Rachel twist off even more , thinking she 's being kept in the dark . Brendon proceeds to kiss her to make her shut up . They have the sex . Britney , Lane and Ragan ( there 's a combination ) , sitting around and discussing the exciting Veto Ceremony . They think that Rachel was faking her reaction , which is interesting , since she really wasn 't in on the staged drama . Then something shiny catches Lane 's attention and the conversation is over . Matt calls Andrew up to the HOH Room . Dude , people are very suspicious about your little performance . Andrew appears shocked , thinking his delivery was sterling and worthy of awards . Not . Matt : You need to talk Brian Lageose Sharon 's confusion and Hexom 's obtuseness were interrupted by a commotion at the front door of the restaurant . They glanced asunder and spied a man writhing on the lobby floor , with bits of paperwork splashed about . He clearly needed some type of assistance , but the nearby hostess and two servers couldn 't be bothered because they were discussing something Snoop Dogg had advised them to do on his latest album . Hexom , uncertain if it was wise to simply ignore the fallen man , reluctantly turned to Sharon for further information concerning her brief outburst . Had she just spied the Lord at the salad bar ? Had she climaxed ? " Pray tell of thee utterance , " he queried , thinking himself rather clever for doing so in such a manner . Sharon spit a bit of taco detritus into a napkin and then hurled the wadded object at the nearest server . " Go ask the wretched cook what the hell THAT is ! " Then Sharon snatched up her purse and began fumbling within for something of apparent importance . " I know that man , " she stated , brow furrowed in concentration . Sharon sighed , as if dealing with ignorance was simply beyond her strength at this time . " No , " she said , finally locating the holy grail and pulling out a tube of lip gloss . " The man at the door . He 's the accountant I was supposed to meet . " Then she began to apply vigorously . Hexom glanced at the front door sprawler again . Still down , still writhing , still being ignored by Winkin ' , Blinkin ' and Nod as they feebly attempted to have a conversation with any redeeming value whatsoever . The man nearly got to his feet , but then tripped over a pocket of air and went down again , one foot destabilizing a previously - unnoticed coat rack and sending it crashing toward the wannabe rappers . They simply moved out of the way and continued grunting . Sharon , still applying , " No , leave him be . For two reasons . One , he 's always doing that , with the clumsiness . It 's his thing . Completely annoys me , but I let him live because it might just be a genetic condition . I 've been to his house and there were people tumbling about like walruses on crack . " " And second , " she paused , slipping the lip gloss tube back in her satchel and giving it a little pat . " He was late for our meeting . At the moment , I 'm talking to you and I don 't need him . It 's going to take him time to recover , it always does , and by the time he gets to that point , I just might allow him to speak with me . " " Lip gloss , sweetie , and I can successfully apply during animalistic sex and not miss a thing . I 've won awards . Now . Sunset ? Let 's start there . Why me ? Why Sunset ? " Sharon sighed again . " I don 't really understand that , but got it . I 'm starting to get bored with the repetition . Entice me . " Sharon briefly tapped one lacquered fingernail on the table , then suddenly lunged for her purse again , rummaging instantly . She pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter , tossing the purse away . She lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply . Two seconds later the restaurant manager , unseen by anyone for the past two weeks , suddenly appeared at the table . He glared at Sharon . " M ' am , you can 't smoke in here . " Sharon grabbed her purse , which apparently contained any possible need she might ever have , and then threw a wad of bills at the irritating man , who proved quite agile when it came to professionally capturing thrown currency . " Everything is simple when you have money . Make it happen . " The manager quickly counted the bills , his eyes brightened , he raced into the bar , raced back to the table , plunked down a shiny ashtray , and smiled . " Enjoy . " Then he strolled away . When an elderly woman tried to stop him and complain about the smoke , he slapped her . Sharon plinked her ash into the glass receptacle , then grinned at Hexom . " I must say , you 're really starting to get my interest with this . I don 't quite believe everything just yet , especially the business about my actions changing how things - " Sharon turned to her purse with exasperation . " Can 't people just leave me alone and let me live my life ? GOD ! " She whipped out some kind of bejeweled flip phone and got right to the point . " What is it ? " She listened to someone babble , her expression slowly changing from bitter annoyance to confusion and then surprise . She suddenly barked an order . " Have someone bring it to me right now … . Applebee 's … . yes . " She slammed the phone shut , pondering . We have the typical review of the last episode ( nothing new ) and then a round of Diary Room appearances : Rachel : Totally thrilled about she and Brendon not getting nominated . Oh wait , there 's that backdoor thing , isn 't there ? Hmmm . Her enthusiasm dwindles and her hair goes flat . Andrew : Whines about being a pawn . Still does not achieve any level of charisma or awareness about the fact that people don 't necessarily care for him . Hayden : " Matty nominated two floaters ! What the hell ? " Then one of the production assistants politely asks him to shove the hair out of his eyes and actually face the camera . Kathy : " Matty 's nominations don 't make sense ! " Neither do your creepy spider eyelashes . I think that makes it a draw . Matt : I 'm playing to win ! Crickets chirp . Scene with Andrew in the swamp room , wandering around aimlessly and talking to himself . He says the word " stupid " at least 30 times . Did somebody turn on " Rain Man " while I went to the bathroom ? Rachel and Brendon in one of the bedrooms , smooching away , celebrating their temporary safety , and figuring out who is going to be on top this time . Andrew , because he has some twisted radar going on , bursts through the door and interrupts them . Kathy goes to Matt . " Can we chat ? " They wander up to the HOH Room . Kathy : " I 'm not gunning for you at all . " ( Um , what about that vote to send him home ? ) Matt : " Then win Power of Veto . I don 't care . " Kathy : Seriously , I 'm not gunning for you . Then she blinks , and the amount of mascara flakes dropping downward causes foundation issues for the house . Matt in the Diary Room : " I don 't believe her at all . " Hayden finds Andrew in one of the rooms , with Kristen trailing along because she can 't let her boyfriend out of her sight even though they are supposedly on the down - low . Both of them to Andrew : " We had no idea " that Matt was going to nominate you . " We are shocked ! " Andrew pouts and mutters words of suffering . Hayden : " If I win POV , I will pull you off . " Hayden in the Diary RoomBrian Lageose Sharon 's smile dimmed , but only a wee bit . " That sounds somewhat mysterious , Mr . Breen . Waiting a long time to meet me . Define long . " Hexom 's own smile altered as well , in an odd way that could signify either sexy intelligence or mental instability . " Years , " he said . " But hopefully we can eventually get to all those details . May I join you ? " Sharon glanced at her watch . " Well , I should have been in the midst of a business meeting as we speak . One of my accountants should be sitting here now , ready to review yet another something or other where I have to sign things . You seem to present a much more interesting way to spend my time . " Sharon waved a hand of disinterest . " Too many . When you have exorbitant amounts of money just lying about , it 's rather extraordinary how many people it can take to keep things in order . Please sit . " He smoothly slid into the opposite booth in a controlled manner , rather than cloddishly heaving his bulk downward in the graceless plunk that seemed to be the rage with the uncoordinated masses . Sharon updated her mental review sheet of Hexom , although it was beginning to prove pointless . She had already decided that , if the opportunity arose , she would gladly have sex with him right here on the table without the least bit of shame or modesty . Not that she had ever experienced either . Her reverie was interrupted by the sudden appearance of the short waitress , she of the high - fiving and the lackadaisical attitude toward bettering her life . The despicable urchin practically shoved a plate of wonton chicken tacos at Sharon without even glancing her direction , then descended on Hexom with claws extended . " Good afternoon , sir , is there anything at all that I can possibly get you ? " Then the little harlot , apparently considering herself on the menu , batted her eyelashes in what she assumed was a sultry manner , but rather gave the impression that she had a nervous condition . Sharon sighed inwardly . Wasn 't this always how things worked ? If you 're a pretty man with a penis , the entire world will drop at your feet , proffering endless subservience . If you 're a gal with curves , you had to beg people for a glass of water . Sharon pondered the pros and cons of paying someone to stab the serving wench when she stepped outside for a smoke or a shot of heroin or whatever she did on her personal breaks . Hexom flipped through the menu half - heartedly , obviously not really looking at anything , then cast his eyes upon the wench , who immediately lit up and had a small orgasm . " I 'm not quite sure what I 'll be having . Let 's start with some raspberry tea , shall we ? " Sharon slid the tacos to the center of the table . " Hexom , please have some , I ordered far too many . " ( She had only requested one order , but this detail was unimportant in the bigger scope of things . ) Hexom smiled regretfully . " They smell delicious , but I 'm afraid I 'll have to pass . I 'm trying desperately to watch the cholesterol . " " You ordered raspberry tea and you are aware of cholesterol . You can 't possibly be straight . Damn it . " Sharon hurled the taco to the floor in a pique of disappointment and rue . Sharon sighed . " I 'm not any more carefree than anyone else . I just don 't hold things in . If you don 't speak your mind , it just gets internalized and your digestive system backs up . Watch this . " Sharon turned to the couple in the booth behind her , tapping the nearest woman on the shoulder . " Sweetie ? That blouse ? With that skirt ? No . Go home and change . " Then Sharon flipped back around and faced Hexom . " See ? Now I won 't need any fiber today . " Just then , Brandi the lackluster food bearer , arrived with the raspberry tea , a bowl of peanuts , the remote control for the TV , a coupon for a hot rock massage , and her phone number . She panted in Hexom 's direction . " Is there anything else you need ? " Bambi 's eyes widened and she snatched her hand back . " Of course not ! I 'm afraid of you and I don 't want to die ! " Lips quivering , she turned to Hexom for moral support and possible dating opportunities . " Please tell this lady that I didn 't do it ! " Then she licked said lips . " I 'll do anything you say . I can play the piano with my tongue ! " Sharon : " You 're on the wrong team , sister . Now go make nachos , I 'm sure somebody around here will eventually want some . " Bambi turned and ran through the forest , not hearing the hunter 's gunfire in the distance . Hexom took out a notebook from somewhere , which was really interesting since he hadn 't been carrying anything when he entered the restaurant . He flipped a few pages , seemed to ponder exactly how much to reveal , and then said " It all started three years ago , almost to the day , when I was having lunch in Kiest Park . Probably something involving asiago cheese , because I really invested in it at the time . " " Anway , " continued Hexom , " I was sitting at one end of that long memorial garden , wondering if they were ever going to clean that thing up , when a complete stranger walked my way and handed me this . " Hexom touched a small slip of paper in one of the notebook pockets , but did not remove it . He traced one edge of the rectangle , again seeming to consider his words . Hexom smiled . " First , you must understand that I am in a very vexing position . There are certain rules , only some of which I can tell you , because the communication between you and I must be carefully controlled , or things could go terribly awry . You see , someone is trying to kill me , Miss Horizons , and I 'd rather that not happen . " Sharon Horizons , our heroine if you should choose to call her that , was sitting in a booth at Applebee 's near the corner of Illinois Avenue and Westmoreland Road , waiting on a man . After forty - three years of such activity , she had learned two things . Men were always late . And waiting was boring , whether for men or for food . No response , other than the shortest girl gushing forth a bray of laughter at something that had just been uttered , then slapping the palm of the ugliest girl in that insipid manner that so many of the street folk had . Why , Sharon wondered briefly , did these people think that striking one another should be considered a form of approval ? No wonder the apes were catching up . But anyway , there were more important things to ponder right at the moment . Like nourishment . Sharon sighed , then pointed at the short girl . " I informed THAT one that I required said tacos at least five minutes ago . Has she made it to the kitchen yet ? Does she even recall where the kitchen might be ? " Short One let out a small squeak , then stepped forward . She briefly touched her nametag , a reflex action of some kind . " Hi , I 'm Brandi ! " proclaimed the tag , along with both a heart and a smiley face scribbled in as accent pieces . Figures . " Um , yes , I placed the order . Let me go check on it now , " said Brandi , then turned with great relief to escape the confrontation . She clattered down some hallway and vanished , probably slipping out the back door , never to return , her life forever a meaningless wreck of disappointment and questionable relationships . But what troubled Sharon , initially , about the Starbucks craze was the mere concept of paying large amounts of money for what was , essentially , water that had been filtered through coffee beans and then christened with a dollop of stiffened dairy product . And it wasn 't even a lack of finances that was the issue . ( She had never had to worry about money , especially after assuming control of the trust fund . ) No , what irked Sharon was simply the principle of the matter . At first , Sharon was simply going to throw it away , she would never have any use for it . But then she just chunked it in the glove box of her car , on the off chance that the rectangle of thin plastic might prove useful if she decided to become a cat burglar . Then one day , while Sharon was out shopping for crinoline , because one of the fashion magazines had indicated that you MUST have some , Sharon spotted the Starbucks on Camp Wisdom Road . In a rare moment of balanced insight , she realized that she couldn 't complain about Starbucks if she had never been . There were technical difficulties at first , starting with the oddity of the cup sizes being in Italian , followed by none of the workers being able to speak Italian and thereby butchering the words . ( Sharon had nearly married an Italian count at one point , and knew of which she spoke . ) Then there was the overwhelming number of ways in which coffee could be served . Who knew ? But all good things come to those who have the money to afford it , and eventually Sharon was presented with her toasty purchase , snuggled in a protective and environmentally - responsible sleeve . ( Frankly , Sharon felt , that woman who sued McDonald 's because she didn 't understand that coffee was hot should have been shot , not rewarded . ) Taking her first sip of the brew , Sharon 's taste buds awoke and sang praises . She was hooked . Thus a relationship began , and the once - a - day love affair went on for some time . It was a beautiful thing , with satisfaction all around , and Sharon placed a small fortune on her now beloved gift card , so that she would always be prepared to accept her lover 's embrace . But as with all good things , an end appeared on the horizon . The home office closed the local outlet , and her lover was ripped from her jittery arms . Sharon did not leave her home for a week , sitting in the dark and drinking Kahlua . Eventually , her closest friends intervened , and convinced her to walk in the sunshine once again . She even got to the point where she could hold the gift card in her hand without sobbing . There was still a small amount left to spend , and one day she would do so , but not now . It was too soon . Wiping away a tear of remembrance and high pollen count , Sharon turned away from the taqueria and the lingering ghost of passion . As her eyes swept the Applebee 's parking lot , she spied a man getting out of a car . A very nice car , from what she could see . ( She didn 't know much of car makes and models , only that this one was shiny and had a nice line to it . ) When the man stood , she caught her breath . The epitome of the tall , dark and handsome standard of attraction , he moved with a powerful grace that had her enraptured and slightly drooling . She stared , knowing it was rude but not caring , as he walked to the entrance . She squirmed around in her booth to continue her surveillance , common courtesy be damned . Much to her surprise , the man did not wait for the vapid hostess to figure out where he could be seated . Instead , he walked directly to her table , a look of introspection on his bronzed and chiseled face . " Sharon Horizons , I presume ? " At the sound of his gravelly voice , Sharon knew that she would be purchasing batteries on the way home . Blushing slightly , she vacantly nodded her head until her vocal cords caught up . " Yes . Yes , I 'm Sharon . And you are ? " We start off really fast , with Russell and his minions dragging Sookie and Bill into his plantation house . ( Something tells me there won 't be any mint juleps served . ) Amid the commotion , Lorena comes running down the curving staircase , because people are doing things and she wants to be a part of it . Likewise , Eric races in from another room , where he was probably playing " Viking Death Match " on the XBOX . Russell throws Bill on the Italian - marbled floor , making it clear that this is not a social event with pleasantries and dancing . Bill , not enjoying having his face slide on the floor , fancy marble or whatever , leaps to his feet and kills one of the extras . He then jumps on Russell 's back , either intent on a rambunctious parlor game or bloody vengeance . Regardless , Russell merely belches , and Bill is slammed into the ceiling . ( Russell : " I 'm 3 , 000 years old ! What were you thinking ? ) Bill , spitting out plaster , screams to Eric . " Get Sookie out of here ! " Eric does not . Instead , after watching Sookie suddenly do some freaky dance move of unknown power , turns to Russell and says : " I don 't know what it is , but it 's quite valuable . " Roll opening credits . Toothless . Skanky . Gospel . Happy dancing for Jesus . Sookie screams at Eric : " I will never , ever forgive you for this ! " Then she tussles with strange men in black . Talbot , very unhappy about the damaged ceiling thing , makes disparaging comments about Russell , and then flees upstairs to find some soothing chiffon . Russell , excusing himself to go " save his marriage " , starts after him , but not before turning to Lorena . " Take Bill out to the stables and kill him . " Then he goes in search of queens with misplaced priorities . Sookie to Lorena : " You kill him , I will kill YOU . " Lorena to Sookie : " Bring it . " Or something like that . The baring of fangs is involved . Cut to Merlotte 's , where some whiny diner is making life miserable for Arlene . The diner has just placed a meticulous food order two seconds before the restaurant closes . Sighing , and Brian Lageose Okay , we tune in to find the HOH competition still going on , where people are being all Gidget on a surfboard and trying not to plummet the two feet to the little pond . There 's only so much excitement to be gained from watching people stand , so we have a round of Diary Room confessions . Brendon : " I gotta win this thing . " Um , probably a good idea . Enzo : " The Brigade has gotta drop grenades . " Really don 't care for it when people come up with a boring catchphrase and then proceed to repeat it until you want to claw your face . Andrew : " I can 't go on slop because it 's not kosher ! " See what I mean ? Britney : " I gotta win this thing . " Heard that already . Next . Lane : Something about a clown at a rodeo . I drifted off . Kathy : " I might have sealed my fate , " voting for Matt and all . " But I 'm gonna vote the way I want . " Matt : " Kathy sucks . " Back to the courtyard , where people are starting to drop and we finally have some excitement . Kathy goes down first , which is no surprise because she 's already proven with the wiener thing that if there 's wind beneath her wings , she 's gonna plunge . Then Lane goes down , possibly due to memories of the rodeo clown . Kristen drops , followed by Hayden . ( I 'm assuming they immediately ran behind a bush and turned off the lights . ) Finally , Britney and her glaring nail polish hit the water . This makes them the five " Haves " for the week . Just as I 'm realizing that Andrew has some really long , skinny legs , we have Enzo in the Diary Room , talking about the same thing : " Those short shorts don 't look kosher . " Matty starts talking smack , trying to psych out the remaining players . Enzo , not the sharpest , forgets he 's in an alliance with Matty , and tumbles . Then Ragan has a nice gay pride moment , telling all those people from his traumatizing high school years that they can go suck it , cause he 's on Big Brother AND doing really good in this competition . Rachel suddenly screams " Brendon , don 't fall ! " and we cut to commercial . Oh , come ON , people . That Brian Lageose Well , then . It took me a bit to figure out this video , because I don 't know who either of these people are . But " Billboard Hot 100 " says they be number 7 with a bullet , so somebody must know them . Anyway , not much of substance going on here , but I 'll try my best . We start out with Bruno ( I think ) sitting by the seashore , playing his cute little guitar and wailing about wanting to have lots of money . ( Um , who doesn 't ? ) Seagulls are wheeling about in the sky . I don 't know if this means Bruno loves nature and wildlife , or if there is a landfill nearby . Quick shot of Travie hangin ' at one of those skateboard parks , then a shot of some hitchhiker holding the typical cardboard sign . The street he 's on is deserted , so I 'm thinking he 's not a smart hitchhiker . ( Am I being stereotypical ? My bad . ) Then we have some guy , wearing headphones in a crowded outdoor market . This seems anti - social to me . As Bruno continues to emote the words of the song , we see Travie raise his hand to the sky like he just found the Lord . More shots of the untalented hitchhiker being unsuccessful . Then we have a graffiti artist on the beach , fiddling with his cans of spray paint . He seems upset that most of his cans are empty . ( Symbolism for the Bush - legacy economy ? ) He turns and throws one of the cans in the ocean , because THAT ' S a green thing to do and all . Then Travie and Bruno are in a very nice sports car , one that none of the poor people could ever afford , driving along in the sun . Travie starts rapping about wanting to have lots of money that he can give to people , adoption , and other social causes . But he 's wearing a stupid stocking cap and I really can 't take him seriously . Bruno just nods his head to the beat and waits for his turn to sing . More shots of the skateboard park , where some unseen person destroys a skateboard ( symbolism for the Republican party ? ) while people ride skateboards through the concrete jungle and our boys sit on the lip of one of the curves , rapping and high - fiving each other because they don Brian Lageose d / We start out with some shots of crappy abandoned housing in an unnamed , probably European , city . We zoom in on Katrina doing aerobics in some place where the window is missing . She 's very happy and energetic , doing hand motions that probably mean something to people involved with aircraft landings . Brief shot of the Beatles in another missing window . Katrina does the high splits as the lyrics start . She really loves this song . Close - up on Katrina ( the singer , not a vindictive weather pattern ) as she belts away . She can 't seem to stand still , bouncing about and exuberantly showing us her red Converse hi - tops . Brief shot of the Beatles looking sad , then a revelatory scene where we learn that everyone in the band is wearing hi - tops . Well , except for some loser with low - riders . Did he not get the memo ? Katrina bounces some more , and then we see her marching away from a huge manor . ( I guess she didn 't know the password . Brief glimpse of the Beatles being sad about her predicament while sitting on what might be a very big tombstone , but there aren 't any other graves around , so who knows . ) Katrina keeps skipping along , because she 's basically happy , despite the constant rejection . Now Katrina is prancing alongside some industrial riverbank , where things look gloomy and sad , despite the upbeat lyrics . ( Ain 't no sunshine when she 's in a fog . ) Her red shoes really pop , so that 's good . Kudos to somebody in the wardrobe department . Then Katrina and the band are on stage , with some decidedly 80 's lighting going on . ( You really expect Hall and Oates to join them at any moment . ) They jiggle around for a while , with Katrina sporting a jacket so busy that small children burst into tears . Oh , here 's Katrina back outside , marching along with her perky determination and slightly - butch attire . Brief shot of the Beatles mysteriously adhered to some pilings on the waterfront . Then we 're back on stage , and we learn that Katrina has some stunningly large teeth . ( The thick lipstick doesn 't help , honey . ) And we 're back atBrian Lageose 1 . " Well , sugar my foot ! " Translation : " I am thoroughly astonished that what you just said is actually true . Even if it 's really not . . . 1 . " Is there a particular reason why you can 't unload the dishwasher ? Is it a religious issue ? " 2 . " That button on the DVR remote . . . 1 . The " fake food poisoning " approach . Eat at your desk , but purposely do not finish all of it . Find something odd that you can . . . 1 . " I 'm sorry , was that you trying to form a complete sentence ? My bad . At first I thought someone had run over another armadillo out on . . . 1 . Why do you hold your wireless phone in front of your mouth when you speak instead of on the side of your head ? Do you not unde . . . 1 . " Why are you always doing that ? Who are you ? " 2 . " Do you have a hall pass ? " 3 . " Did you know your steering wheel is on the wro . . . This is my main blog . Most of the things posted here are eventually farmed out to one of my other blogs . I try to preface the blog entries with their intended destination , such as " Idiot Fondue " , " Backup Dancers From Hell " , or " Memory Remix . " That way , if you really like the style of a particular entry , you can then go to that blog to find more of the same . Or you can just come here and read everything . It 's all about personal choice , right ? Obsessive blogger , mainly focused on finding the humor and absurdity in every situation , but also guilty of running along the tiniest of branches , plucking fruit that tastes strange to all but a few . We have thousands of taste buds . Might as well see how they all work . I have a day job , but that 's the least important part of me . Pays the bills . End of story . I wandered away from writing for a very long time , a heinous negligence I now realize , but that unrecorded period is now ripe , offering a plentiful harvest of what was , what wasn 't , and what could be . All of which sounds a bit heavy , provoking images of sad little people scribbling bitter poems by candlelight , but that 's not the case here . Far from it . Humor , done well , is a mighty and splendid thing . Creating such is a tough task , perhaps the most difficult of the literary genres . I like that sort of challenge , even if I crash and burn whilst friends and loved ones look the other way . Join me ? Let 's go check out those other branches . . .
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It was hot in my apartment . The heat I could handle , but the humidity was killing me . I was sitting there on my couch fanning myself with the newspaper . That 's when I said aloud , they should have something that you can just plug in and take all the humidity out here . Some guy just popped up from out of nowhere , with a smile , and with something he had just invented - a dehumidifier . He plugged that sucker right in , and now my whole life is better . None of the past kings in the history books had ever accomplished this . We had heard about people complaining about the humidity in their homes . Soon , we noticed that places with high amounts of humidity was causing people to be cranky ; and stinky , because they sweat all the time . . . their clothes stunk like mildewy old people , and the homes were infested with bugs . Then , we noticed all the health risks , Bert 's Aunt Jenny ended up dying because her house was too humid . That 's when we decided we should build something , that we can just plug in and suck all the humidity out . It was a process , a long strenuous one . We didn 't have much of a social life . And when the wife asked what I was doing with all these various pieces of copper , I told her I was building a dehumidifier . " What the fuck is that ? , " she asked in horror , as she beat me over the head with a rolling pin . She was just cranky because the house was so humid . Each of us had to keep the house incredibly humid in order to do our study , and all of occasionally had to take a beating from the wives . By the time we were complete , we all had black eyes , broken noses , fractured skulls , Billy was in a wheelchair . It 's not as if one just has all the pieces in place to simply build one of these things . Nor know all the processes involved with putting it together . We had to gather massive amounts of data , and do studies on the factors of humidity , with numerous research on what causes humidity in the home , and what means could be done to get rid of it . Once all of that was completed , we had to devise a gadget with electrical components to get this thing to work . All the other guys were out getting blow jobs , we were studying patterns of humidity under the microscope . When we went to market this thing , we had to make the office get so damn hot , they were about to kill us all . All these business guys in suits were waiting for us demonstrate our product , and we wanted to show how effective it was . It was over 100 degrees in the office , they were sweating , coughing , and many of them were starting to hallucinate . Cock roaches were crawling down the walls . Rosco was over there melting , soon just his clothes lie on the floor in a puddle of water . Alex actually had a heat stroke and died . With him dead on the floor , we cranked it on . This had better work , and it did . Soon the room was comfortable , nice perfect climate , Rosco reformed after melting . And when the funeral people came by and picked up Alex , they commented on how nice it felt in the room . We were just happy to have finished the product , that was enough work . Then , we were also just happy to have something that would benefit the community , and have our wives and girlfriends a little less abusive . They discussed paying us , and , well , we were happy with that too . There was a lot of work involved , and Billy wasn 't ever going to walk again , and the corporation offered us $ 30 , which was not a lot of money , even back then . Upon finding out what we had done , other corporations were calling us up wanting to manufacture it . Soon , an all out war broke out in the streets , people gunning each other down with machine guns . First corporation said we had a deal . Finally , we sold the product for $ 118 , 000 apiece . Larry , the tourist in Milwaukee circa 1946 , went to The Wisconsin Cheese Mart and asked a series of questions . The atmosphere in this place triggered something in people 's minds that made them ask the exact same questions . Larry : " Let me ask you a question , do you guys ship ? " The difference with Larry was that upon leaving The Cheese Mart , we went directly to the local whorehouse . Even though he fell in love with the woman he paid $ 28 to sleep with , his mind was still altered by The Cheese Mart . " Let me ask you a question , " he said to the manager of the whorehouse , " do you guys ship ? " And that was the official invention of the Mail Order Bride . Wilson was the first person ever to get a haemorrhoid . He felt a large lump on his ass and nearly started to panic , for nobody had ever heard of such a thing ever happening . " I feel down there , and I got this big gigantic lump on my ass . And I says to the doctor , you better get down here , I got this big fucking lump on my ass you need to take a look at . He says does it hurt ? I told him I don 't know , what does it matter if it hurts , its a big fucking lump on my ass , and I wanted him to come down and take a look at it . " The doctor gets over , and I have him take a look at my ass , it 's got a big fucking lump on it . I bare my ass , I show it to him , and the first thing he does is roll up a newspaper , and swat the damn thing with a rolled up newspaper . I says what the fuck did you do that for ? He says I don 't know , you got big fucking lump on your ass , what the hell am I supposed to do . I don 't know , you know , I don 't know . It 's a big fucking lump on your ass , what the hell do you expect me to do . I ain 't ever seen one of these things . I said can 't you put something on it , he says what the hell do you want me to put on it ? It 's a big fucking lump on your ass , I don 't know what the hell to put on it . He kept jacking me around , telling me I had to find something to put on this big fucking lump on his ass . I didn 't know what the hell he wanted me to put on it , dish washing soap . Go over there and wash that thing . I get over there , and the guys got a big fucking lump on his ass , wanting me to rub something on his ass . I says I ain 't rubbing nothing on your ass , I don 't even know what that thing is . So I tells him to come down , I 'll knock his ass out , and I 'll cut that son of bitch right off of his ass . And that 's what I did , he came down , I put on my gloves , knocked his ass out , got out the knife , and cut that big fucking lump right off his ass and stitched back up . Fucker can 't even sit down now , he 'll be all right in a week or two . After I cut that big fucking lump off his ass , I tossed it in a jar , figured I 'd have a look at it . I called up the doctor down the road , told him to get over a take a look at the big fucking lump I just cut off somebody 's ass . You ain 't ever seen anything like this . Even he ain 't never seen nothing like this , and him , smartest doctor in the whole fucking city . This guy 's seen everything . He ain 't never seen no big fucking lump on another guy 's ass . If anybody could figure what to do with the damn thing , he would . Dr . Schneider walked back to his officer carrying a jar with the world 's first ever haemorrhoid contained inside . Jack the Ripper was having a difficult time sleeping lately . He was being tormented with these nightmares , that everyday was exactly the same and that life had no meaning . As he walked through the streets , Jack the Ripper was suffering from extreme anxiety , nervous tension , as he sometimes shook with violent convulsion . That no matter what happened , no matter how extreme , the world was still going to remain exactly as it was , and he was beginning to hate exactly how it was , and those living in it . Plagued with voices in head , he struggled with his own personal insanity , and realized that even if he decided to become a killer , everything would be exactly the same as it is now . Jack the Ripper went on a killing spree , and never was caught . Back in elementary school , Jack the Ripper was often voted most likely to succeed . He was commonly the teacher 's pet , and very popular among the rest of the students in his class . It was believed that he had some sort of a glow to him , this aura that made him stick out , made him something special . Perhaps he got too popular too fast . As time past , he wasn 't quite as entertaining as he used to be ; people used to enjoy throwing banquets and Jack the Ripper would always be invited to cheer everybody , it was always festive with Jack the Ripper around . But , something happened . The insanity set in . The glow faded . Jack the Ripper went on a killing spree and never got caught . He seemed to have disappeared . Also , he mugged some doctor walking back to his lab carrying a jar with a huge fucking lump off someone 's ass in it . Some say the demise of Jack the Ripper was over a girl . He had dated this woman , and they had a child together . But , the two did not get along , and the woman 's mother did not approve of her dating Jack the Ripper , as if he was a bad person . Maybe she did not want her daughter to be named Stephanie the Ripper , she was hoping she would marry a Smith , or a Jones , or a Sheblowksi . Regardless , there was constantly drama going on between Jack the Ripper , Stephanie , and her mother . Finally , Stephanie 's mom took the baby and declared that Jack the Ripper was no longer permitted to see his own child . After being told he could no longer visit his daughter , Lindsey , technically Lindsey the Ripper , Jack the Ripper flipped out . He had a violent confrontation with Stephanie 's mom , tore some shit up in her home , and vandalized her horse and wagon coach . That was when Jack the Ripper began his streak his violence , prowling around in the night , stalking random women , and killing them . But others say there may have been something else too . His disappearance remained a mystery . The last he was seen , running through the streets , he assaulted a prestigious doctor , threw him to the ground , stole the jar with a huge fucking lump in it , and was never seen again . It was the voices in his head who told Jack the Ripper to assault and rob that prestigious doctor . Jack the Ripper assumed it had something to do with notion that the doctor had a reputation , which may not have been merited , the doctor was enjoying success and he was the enemy who had mired the lives of others in order to achieve success . But when Jack the Ripper got home and the contents of the jar was revealed , it became obvious why he had been summoned to do this . In the jar was a gigantic lump , and it looked exactly like the huge fucking lump that was on his ass , torturing him , preventing him from sitting , sleeping , this lump destroyed his life , and the lives of all those he decided to take his anguish out upon . Jack the Ripper entered the doctor 's office , with his dark circular hat , his cape , cane , evil look in his eye , and returned the jar and apologized ; " my bad " were his calm words exactly with a slight smile to ease the tension . The doctor stood face to face with Jack the Ripper , the most notorious killer in history , he wasn 't sure what to do , just said that it was OK . Jack the Ripper took off his hat , set down his cane , took off his cape , his belt , and started undoing his pants . The doctor watched with awe , he assumed he was about to be ass raped by Jack the Ripper . But , it was Jack the Ripper who bent over and told him " check it out . " Unsure what to do , the doctor was undoing his pants preparing to get his cock out , and that 's when he noticed it . This was a revolutionary breakthrough for the doctor , who up to this point had only seen a haemorrhoid after it had been removed , just briefly in a jar . He approached Jack the Ripper , and knelt down to his buttocks to get a closer look at it . His secretary popped in , saw the doctor kneeling down with his hand on Jack the Rippers ass gazing at it closely . She simply closed the door and walked back out without saying a word . That 's a big fucking lump you got there on your ass , Mr . The Ripper . No fucking shit , it 's been driving me crazy . Jack the Ripper wanted him to rub something on it . The doctor wanted to examine it to find out exactly what it was , and maybe figure out what to rub on it . The reason why Jack the Ripper was never seen again , because he agreed to participate in a study with the most prestigious doctor in the city to observe the symptoms and remedy a cure for hemorrhoids . The doctor would have the opportunity to make a fascinating medical discovery , Jack the Ripper could escape pursuit from the police and not get caught . It worked out great , and the doctor and Jack the Ripper actually developed a wonderful relationship - one night staying up until 2 : 00 in the morning having a playful pillow fight in the bedroom just before nodding off together . Back in those days , seeing a haemorrhoid was as alien as seeing a creature from 12 galaxies over . Dr . Schneider had no choice but to approach the big fucking lump with sheer caution . For all he knew , he did come from outer space , there had never been anything like it before . Luckily , he knew the other doctor who chopped off the other one was still doing fine , the patient was still good , but there was still no way to determine where this thing came from , what caused it , or even worse , when it could strike again . This could be the start of a deadly outbreak that could end the world . Dr . Schneider spent much of each day just staring at Jack the Ripper 's bare ass . He became enamored with it , and nearly obsessed over it . At night , he would lie awake in bed just thinking about Jack the Ripper 's ass , and the bug fucking lump that was stuck to it . It consumed most of his thoughts . While grocery shopping , he would suddenly be struck with an idea that this product may eliminate the growth , this one caused it , this one irritates it . Shopping for toothpaste became a hassle . Anything he saw , he had no choice but to wonder if that was in fact the medical breakthrough that remedy the big fucking lump on Jack the Ripper 's ass . Of course , not all experiments worked right away , it was a long painful process . Unlike doctors today who get to experiment on people who respond to ads on the radio for large sums of money , Dr . Schneider had to conduct his failed experiments on the most infamous killer in history . Even though they had a nice relationship , cuddled periodically , Jack the Ripper was still prone to violent outbursts if something hurt . The time Dr . Schneider poured bleach down his ass crack nearly caused another killing spree . Jack the Ripper had pushed him down , knocked over some things and yelled at him . " You need to be careful mother fucker ! And remember whose ass you 're messing with ! " Jack would go on tirades about the whole world sometimes . It did become an outbreak . Soon , dozens of people had huge fucking lumps on their asses . Although they had to maintain the amnity of Jack the Ripper , many of the patients were sent to Dr . Schneider for examination . He would line them all up in a row , with the bare asses bent over exposed for full view , and examine each on closely , pinching the lumps , comparing and contrasting the similarities in the patterns . Dr . Schneider had a series of questions he asked each of them , about their asses mostly , and how well they take of it . None had ever been to another planet . Jack the Ripper was the only killer . Personality wise , they bore few similarities . In a series of accidents , Dr . Schneider found the cure for hemorrhoids , with Jack the Ripper being the first patient to have the issue successfully cured . Without a big fucking lump on his ass , Jack the Ripper no longer suffered from delusions , the voices went away , and he changed his name to Jack Archibal . He was permitted to walk the streets freely , and no longer resembled that notorious killer . Together , they celebrated , threw a concert in middle of the streets , heavy riffs from Queens of the Stone Age somehow rocked the streets of 1842 Bloomington , IN where neither Jack the Ripper nor Dr . Schneider had ever set foot . It was a happy day for the world , they now had a magical cream they could rub on their asses . However , the term " haemorrhoid " had not yet been cured . The tube sold at the market read : " Schneider 's Cream . Cures that big fucking lump on your ass ! " Because it was a new product , it came with instructions , drawn images of an ass , with directions indicating to apply a generous amount into palm , and gently work into the big fucking lump on your ass , gently working it in until all is absorbed . Leave bare ass exposed until product dries . The big fucking lump should deteriorate in approximately 3 - 5 days . The Top 100 Songs of 1995 + Puppy Love in Raincoat City 1 . 100 - 76 Raincoat City : Oh Say , Around the Month of June 2 . 76 - 51 Take My H . . .
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Happy New Year ! I wanted to post this earlier but time has gotten away from me these past couple weeks . 2016 ended with a boom for me , and even though I usually have time over the Winter break in December to blog and catch up here in this space , this year things were a bit different . I flew to Miami on the 13th , with Max , to spend three weeks with the Pelos and the rest of the fam . The first week was really good , I got to rest , exercise , spend time with my parents , Nick and then Liz and Sophie , who arrived a few days later . But on the 19th , the day Tata turned 89 , she fell and was taken to the hospital . The paramedics were called because she had fallen and they thought she might have broken something . What they found had happened was that she had had a stroke , a hemorrhagic cardiovascular accident ( un ACV hemorrágico ) . As you can imagine this was all very stressful and emotional for all of us , because we are far away , but especially for my mom because she has been wanting to go home and visit her mother for quite some time now . She has not been able to because of issues with her passport , and the overall difficulties of going back to Venezuela . But quickly after hearing the whole situation , I looked for tickets and booked my parents a flight for the next day . Currently , Tata is home with a nurse 24 / 7 by her side , and my uncle Emilio , who lives with her supervising everything . Everyone has pitched in , in one way or another . It really takes a village , and in this case , the village has poured all resources into helping make sure Tata is ok and slowly recovers . This whole ordeal has been tough . Each of us has dealt with it in her / his own personal way . Some are depressed , some are a bit paralyzed and others like me , are a bit numb . There was one - day sadness really hit me while in Miami , and I felt I just wanted to be in bed all day and do nothing . I was clearly sad . I had been holding it off for too long . Christmas was rough . Not only different because it felt really strange to be at los Pelos ' house without them and celebrating Christmas , doing secret Santa , crackers , pernil , hallacas and pan de jamón , without them . But the whole atmosphere was off . We had the traditional Christmas dinner , we wanted the kids to have a " normal " Christmas , and I think we accomplished it . I cooked the pernil my mom always makes , following her recipe . Liz made pan de jamón , and brought hallacas she had made in NY . Cas made blinis and Swedish meatballs , traditions from his Swedish family . And we even had the British crackers and Cas ' potatoes al gratin . Sophie set up the Nativity set and we did our secret Santa bit . So it was Christmas as usual , but it was the worst Christmas I have ever had . I was on edge , and didn 't really enjoy it as I usually do . 2016 was a rough year in looking back . My mom got sick and almost died back in February . And then my grandmother gets sick and almost dies in December . Work related issues in the Fall , of which I 'm really not going to talk about here , also put a big damper on the final quarter for me . My dad got diagnosed with diabetes , and I with perimenopause . And then to top it all off Trump wins the presidential election . It was one of the worse years I have had in all the 44 I have been alive . So I was not really sad to see it go . I suddenly got it , I now understand what people mean when they say they are eagerly wishing specific years to end . I 'm hoping 2017 will be a better year . In fact , I know it will be , because it already has begun much better than how 2016 ended . Although I still have this bit of lingering sadness , that I think won 't truly go away for some time . Tata is recovering , but let 's face it , she 's 89 and is not getting any younger . So it 's just a matter of time , and I 'm here , far away , and it 's hard . I don 't want to wrap this up on a negative , sad note . If you know me , you know that I always bounce back . I am a warrior , it runs in my family , and I never give up no matter how hard it gets . So there 's always that . There were good things about 2016 , and if we want to see the glass half - full , in 2016 my dad got his BioFeedback certification , Mike got two new jobs , which have been great for him , Nick started college at Carnegie Mellon University , and the freaking Cubbies won the World Series ! I 've been extremely busy these past few weeks , so I am very glad to be able to stop a bit tomorrow and take stock of all the things and people I have in my life . I 've been thinking a lot about how lucky I am to have family , friends and colleagues that support me in ways that consistently surpass my expectations . For them , for you , I am beyond grateful . I want to take a minute here to say , thank you . A true , deeply felt , and sincere thank you ! I would not be where I am or who I have become as a person , without you . Thank you ! I hope as we celebrate Thanksgiving tomorrow ( in the US ) , you all also have many things and peopl to be thankful for . Keep safe , keep happy , and keep full . And as I frequently tell my niece and nephew : be good , be kind , be awesome . At the start of July , when I last posted , I said I would be back here to update you and share some of the things that have been going on this summer . Well , we are almost mid - August and I 'm just now getting back to the blog . But , let 's get on it because a lot of big events have happened this summer : Max turned 8 years - old on June 27th . It 's been 5 years since I adopted him , and we have come a long way . Love you Maxy ! Mike turned 50th years - old on July 31st , and we celebrated with family . We had a plentiful meal at The Chicago Chop House and then stopped over at The Redhead Piano Bar for live music and drinks . ( photos to come ) The boys ( all of them ) and I flew to Miami on August 5th and will be spending three weeks with los Pelos . This is where we are now . Mike had to go back to work , but will be back during our last week here as a vacation for him . I just realized I have most of my photos and videos in my hard drive at home , in Chicago . Bummer . I 'll update this post once I get back . For now I 'll share what I do have with me on my phone . How 's you summer coming along ? Did you get a break ? Did you celebrate something special ? Or is work looking mighty up to date for you ? Speaking of which , I need to get at it my self , these papers don 't write themselves and classes are not prepped by the prepping Gods , unfortunately ! Hope you are all having a wonderful summer ! I left off July 13th , two weeks before the wedding . Things got a bit busy after that , sorry . But let me recap and bring you up to speed to today . ( 07 - 17 - 15 ) My family starting arriving for the Wedding . We had a full house for about a week before the wedding ; it was crazy and it was great all at the same time . I loved that I had Venezuelan representation in the house . Thank you all , for coming ! ( 07 - 25 - 15 ) The wedding occurred the day after . It was not without hiccups here and there , but fortunately no one really noticed and all seemed to enjoy themselves and have a good time . It was memorable , and after all the stress ( there was a lot of stress build - up in the preparation ) , I was glad it was over . It was a beautiful , traditional , Catholic city wedding . Elegant , classic , timeless . Our church was St Vincent DePaul 's Parish and the reception was held at The Murphy . Both unforgettably beautiful spaces filled with history and stunning architecture . We danced the night away . It was fun . ( 07 - 26 - 15 ) We spent the night , well only a few hours really , at The James , and flew out to Punta Cana very early the next morning . We spent a week in the Dominican Republic , in an all inclusive resort , with the most delicious all - you - can - eat food . There was a beach at walking distance from our room , several golf courses , a mall , several different restaurants , a few pools , and yoga and tennis classes . It was perfect . We celebrated Mike 's birthday there at a Michelin star restaurant after a day of golf for him , and yoga and beach for me . It was awesome . ( August ) My family was still in town when we got back , so we got to spend some time with them . The first month back was a blur of getting back into normal life mode . Life after the wedding , as I liked to call it . Or getting my life back , which I still refer to daily . If I could go back to before the wedding , I would have taken some things off my plate during the wedding planning months ( like the presidency of my home association , for example ) , or would have hired a wedding coordinator to deal with some of the idiots we hired before and during the wedding . But anyhow , I 'm not doing this ever again , so there 's not much " live and learn " here to remember for next time , thankfully . ( Also in September ) School started again , and during the Fall term I taught two courses , one I had taught before ( now with some modifications ) and a brand new ( to me ) internship . I had to hit the ground running once Labor day had passed . The term went well . I think it 's the term I have enjoyed the most teaching - wise thus far . My students were great and I truly enjoyed teaching and learning from them . ( October ) We went to NYC for my birthday . I got to see my very good friend Eleni , who was spending part of her sabbatical in NY , and my wonderful sister surprised all of us , with live entertainment in a party she so graciously hosted in my honor . I love that woman . And a wonderful , beautiful , intelligent , accomplished woman she is . I 'm sure you would love her too , if you ever met her . My cousin Marco was there too , and that was such a special and heartfelt event . ( November ) Was all about wrapping up the term , flying to Orlando for an invited presentation at NAEYC and then Thanksgiving with Mike 's family , up in Wisconsin . It 's always a good time up at Nancy and John 's place . They are such sweet and attentive people , I truly enjoy visiting them . Also , in November there was a situation with my car , which led me to turn it in for a new one . The positive is that I finally got myself the car I had been wanting and saving for for a few years . All my savings had gone into the wedding , so I thought it would take a few more years of saving to purchase it . But as good fortune and hard work would have it , I 've been doing some consulting work on the side , which allowed me to purchase it sooner than I thought . And just in time too , because my old car really had to go immediately ( I 'll tell you the story another time ) . ( December ) Saw us working to get all things done in time to take some time off . We drove to NYC with the boys in - tow . It took us 13 hours , but we made it in one piece , all in one day . We spent about 5 days in Manhattan and then drove up to Hudson , were we spent two glorious weeks in the wilderness . Well , in a beautiful house , with central heating , wifi , and plenty of supplies . We spent Christmas and New Years there , and on the 2nd promptly drove back home . With the Virgin Mary Kiss on Michigan Ave Thank you ! Hungover and tired , but arrived ! My precioussss … Let 's do this , Honeymoon ! Mike 's BDay Dinner Night Entertainment Tour Point Boogie Saona Island Palmilla Beach On the town Willis Tower 360 Con Marcos ! With Eleni , reunited ! BDay Lunch in Eataly NYC ! New Acquisition … Christmas ! Christmas Dinner New Year 's Eve Dinner ( January ) So far January has been good . I 've resume my meditating , which I truly believe had much to do with last term being so positive for me . And I 'm in the throws of several research and writing projects that I am very excited and motivated about . There is a ton of service on my plate these days too , but it 's ok , I 'm not doing anything I don 't believe in , so that 's always a good thing . This new year 2016 promises to be very busy , it has been so thus far . I have high hopes for it being filled with finished projects and accomplishments work - wise . At a personal level , I 'm seeking peace of mind and embracing happiness . I think daily meditation is a good start , but I also think I need to get myself to yoga and exercising again , in order to achieve the happy state . I want to embrace being grateful and stressing less about the small stuff . I want to let things go more , and not strive for perfection as much . I also need to lose 20 lbs and go on a no - buy phase in order to start saving again , this time for a house . But if I 'm being fair to myself , I have started tackling all of those goals already . I have lost about 3 - 4 lbs ( depending on the day ) , and have stopped buying things I want but don 't need ( I was on a makeup buying spree that seemed more like an uncontrolable addition than anything else ) . The daily meditation really helps me be more present , grateful , and loving . It 's working . I 'm on my way to making 2016 all I need it to be . How about you ? What have you been up to since we last talked ? Happy 4th of July , everyone ! I hope you are off to some fun ventures . I have already had a homemade facial , a teeth whitening , and a bubble bath . Pampering anyone ? We had a reservation at Emilio 's , the tapas place in which we had our first date . But when they seated us they gave us an awful table , and when we asked to be moved , they said they couldn 't ( or wouldn 't ) , so we left . We lucked out and were able to find a table in The Athena Restaurant , last minute without a reservation , and enjoyed a delicious Greek meal . Happy September ! And Happy Labor Day ! We have it off here and are enjoying a day of staying in , doing some work ( work - work and housework ) since the weather is crappy and the forecast is rain all day . We did manage to get a walk / jog in by the lake , before the rain , so there 's that . We are back from our # RoadTrip2014 . I thought I would post and share some of the adventures from our vacation time , while on the road , but it never happened . I did take my computer because I had some work to finish , mostly class prepping . But towards the end , my computer started acting up and I couldn 't use it for the last couple weeks . Anyhow , blogging wasn 't on my mind , I guess , because I bypassed it completely . I 've been thinking about blogging this week , but have been playing catch - up at work , running errands , getting the condo in order , and getting all doctor appointments in before the trimester starts . So , I thought I 'd share a recap of our summer trip first , and then in future posts , share what 's been circulating within my mind lately . Game ? Good ! We left on July 31st , Mike 's birthday , and headed toward Louisville , Kentucky . There , we stayed with Mike 's dad and step - mom for a couple days . We had been to visit them before , a couple times actually , but this time we did some of the touristy stuff there is to do in Louisville , aside for the Derby , which we went to a few years ago . This time we ate out a couple times and visited the Louisville Slugger Museum & Factory . There , we saw The Babe and the Jeter ! Take a look : After a few days in Louisville , we loaded the boys back into the car and on the road we went again , this time to Atlanta , Georgia . There , we stayed at Mike 's friends ' place . We spent time with them , walking the boys and exploring their very high - end dog parks . We also went out for dinner to Buca di Beppo , but unfortunately I forgot to take photos of that . Then it was back in the car and off to Miami ! The boys were really good in the car , except for some bouts of panic from Charlie when it rained . They were especially happy in Miami at my parents ' place . I think it was because both families we stayed with on the road had dogs , and now in Miami they were the kings of the backyard , with no one to put them in their place . They loved it ! In Miami we did what all people do when they go to a warm place for vacation , we relaxed . We lounged by the pool , went to the beach , went on a boat ride in Bayside Bay , went to Fairchild Tropical Botanical Gardens , went shopping to the awesome Miami malls ( well , that was mostly me ) and played golf to our hearts content ( that was mostly Mike ) . Oh , and how could I forget , the main activity of the trip , reason why I gained 6 lbs , we ate , oh how well and how much we ate ! We went to El Arepazo , Bahamas Breeze , El Parador , il Forno Ristorante , and The Fish House . We also did some home cooking and ordered takeout a couple times , because pizza and Chinese food are always well received by all . The day was a success , the whole stay in Miami was wonderful . When at home we lounged by my parents ' beautiful pool and Sophie swam as much as she could , in the hopes that her dream of being a mermaid would come true . I think , in her mind , it did . Even Maxy misses the pool now . But our days in Miami came to an end , and on the road we went again . The boys were really good on the way back , even though I could tell they missed Miami and all its wonderful people . On our way back we stopped in Tallahassee for the night , and the next day we went through Tuscaloosa , Alabama , and drove around the University of Alabama 's campus , Mike 's alma mater . Unfortunately , I don 't have photos of the beautiful campus since I was told we would go back after lunch and roam around , and we never did ( I 'm looking at you , Mike ! ) . After Alabama we drove through Memphis and stayed the night in a little town in northern Tennessee . We arrived last Wednesday night in Chicago and it received us with great cool , summery weather . This is Lake Michigan , in Loyola Beach , where I went for a jog Thursday morning . Pretty , right ? So we are back home , back in the grind , getting ready for the beginning of the term which starts on the 10th . But the memories of the great # RoadTrip2014 are still lingering , and we still miss tons the people we left behind . Thank you all for such a great vacation ! This weekend we celebrate Memorial Day , which traditionally is know as the weekend that launches the summer season in the US . Thus , technically summer begins right after next Monday . This means the beaches along the lakeside in Chicago will be open for business . Lifeguards will be back on duty and beach goers will be allowed to swim in the Lake 's waters ( that is , if they want to risk hypothermia with those freezing temperatures ) . But I feel like we haven 't yet had true Spring . Do you feel the same ? I like Spring too much to have missed it completely this year . It seems like ( as usual ) we went from freezing Winter ( the worse winter ever , for me , and the third worse winter ever in Chicago ) to now sunny and hot Summer . It 's in the 60s so it 's not truly hot yet , but I can feel it , it 's coming , probably this weekend . And with the heat , boom ! Summer is here and Spring ? Well , Spring , never truly was . My favorite thing about Spring are the flowers . The tulips that seem to spring out everywhere , as if they were weeds . The magnolia tress , with their beautiful shades of pink and white . And this year , Mike introduced me to Dogwoods . They are beautiful and seem to be everywhere in Rogers Park . I went a little camera happy on our walk the other day . But just take a look at the prettiness of these trees :
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This is the last entry . . . I should have done it yesterday but , I was still on the road . When I left Courtney 's I headed up the coast , so glad I did too ! Well worth the extra hours . I met Boo 's twin although she is a lot bigger to be sure ! LOL . Anyway by the time I found my camp spot I was so tired , well you can see that I posted the blog yesterday morning . I have spent the week getting up at 6 or 6 : 30 am that I thought to myself , " I am going to sleep in , long drive be damned ! " I finally got packed up by 11 : 00 am and headed out . Now before I go on , let me tell you what happened . I was so tired the night before I just took the first camping spot I saw , which was right next to the bathrooms . Hence we had a lot of foot traffic by the campsite . However , I will have you know , with the exception of Raven ( why even go there . * sigh * ) they never barked . Just watched everyone . I kinda feel they were pretty much done in for as well . It has been a long week for them as well . Anyway as I was packing up there were three small boys that kept coming over and looking at the dogs . I knew they wanted to pet the dogs but were hesitant . Finally after showing them it was OK , these three took tentative steps towards Wheezer and Raven first . Suddenly one boy said , " OH those are Peebulls and they bite , I am not supposed to go near Peebulls " ( Of course I knew he was saying Pitbull , but it was funny how he said it ) . Now mind you , he was looking at Raven and Wheezer , never mind the mass of white wiggling , dancing about , goofy fur behind him , who just wanted to lick them to death . I pointed to Raven and I said , " You think this is a Pitbull ? " he nodded his head and started backing up . No no he said , she is a Peebull and will bite me ! I had to suppress a laugh as the Mean black Peebull was looking at him as if to say , " kid you gots sum fud , I starbin " Then the other kid who was standing by Wheezer all of sudden squealed and backed up hurriedly . I looked over and there sits the other Peebull , with his little teefies hanging out . I asked this boy what wPosted by Good morning ! I was going to post yesterday but by the time I got to the campground or rather found the campground ( another story to come ) I was too tired and could not remember my password ! Duh ! Now I have a bit of coffee in me and almost packed up I can be a little coherent left Courtney yesterday morning , once again sad to be leaving a friend . She really does live in a beautiful place and no I won 't mention her curtains ! Haha Inside joke for Courtney ! She has a huge , huge back yard . Lucky furkids to be sure . Upon my arrival there she was making the kids mint treaty 's . Talk about personal service ! Ha ! My kids are no longer looking at me as the best . . maybe fourth best after all the spoilers they encountered ! Hehe They really were spoiled rotten by everyone . Ok I am getting off track here , so after I left Courtneys I headed West to 101 . I was determined to drive up the California coast ! It was a great decision as it is beautiful indeed ! Our first stop was in Ventura California where at first I could not find a beach that let me bring the kids . I then finally found one . We had a wonderful walk and I let them chase the waves . I was initially just going to head up 101 but then I noticed highway 1 that goes into Big Sur . Can 't pass that up . Took an extra 3 hours but let me tell you , " it was gorgeous ! ! ! " Wow ! The ocean was sooo blue ! The road calls for your undivided attention though . One miss turn and off the cliff face you go . Me and my clunker drove slow to the irritation of various sports cars revving their engines behind us . Now at various times I had to let the dogs go potty but one in particular time I decided to let them run in this field of dry grass . At one point I " for a half a second " thought I wonder if there are ticks . . . then I thought nothing of it . As we were almost to our destination I happen to put my fingers to the back of my neck and I felt ( AHH ) something at which time I almost drove off the road . I knew deep inside it was not a scab or piece of debris . I plucked it off and there were squirming tiny legPosted by I headed out today from Shirley 's house . I had wonderful time with the Fun Loving Family . They are so generous , caring and I thank them very much for everything . My furkids sure were reluctant to leave . Especially those eggs that their uncle Darren fed them . I then headed up to Courtney 's house . Not too far away . Its by Lancaster Ca . This place sure has some funky trees . Which I later found out were Joshua Trees . For never seeing these before , I have been in awe . The rock formations are pretty cool as well . One thing I found out really quick was the wind blows constantly here , plus its a cool wind , which helped the Pugs . Courtney has a huge yard , so I have decided could be a great place to do the next meetup . hehe . . . Its huge ! ! We are here with Stewart , Dora and Woody . Stewy had to show everyone how to bark at the neighbors . Funny . I have had nice time here . Courtney is a very nice hostess . I am feeling very spoiled . First from Shirley and now from Courtney . Even the kids are getting very spoiled . Since I am not on a computer that I can 't download all pictures , but am going to add a few here . I am two days worth of pictures behind . I am headed over to Oxmard California tommorrow and then up 101 . . . till then Oh this was a great day , but also a sad day . This morning the furkids and I went to Huntington Beach and met up with Shawna , Rhonda and Arhonda . We first ate at a cute little place called the Park Bench , where they have outdoor seating and you can be with your dogs ! How cool is that ? They even have a menu for the furkids . Yes , all the furkids got to order off the menu ! Haha . . . His royal majesty was making sure his mom knew to feed him promptly . ; ) We then headed down to the dog beach there at Huntington Beach . It was an overcast day so it was fairly cool . When the Pugs got overheated I just picked them up and dumped them in the Ocean . I am sure Raven and Wheezer will tell anyone who wants to listen that I was really trying to drown them . Gus even followed me , but Boo stayed just outside the waves . . hmmm guess she doesn 't want to dirty her fur . . . yeah right . Princess Marley and Lady Lexus got into their Pugkinis and were posing for the boys . Raven decided that she would run free and nakey as did Wheezer . . . fur shame ! Gus just chased his frisbee . Then we headed back up where I said my goodbyes to my dear friends . Friends I have known for so many years but only from a computer . Rhonda , Shawna . . . thanks for meeting mem what a great time . I love your boys and girl . They are sure precious as is Miss Marley Princess . ( There is a girl who was made for the runway ) . It was sad to see them drive away with the precious cargo , but I know soon enough we will meet again somewhere , somehow . The boys need to drink their pugweisers and do all the Tomfoolery stuff that boys do ( Dogster pals will know what I am talking about here ) . Someday . . . there will be a great get together somewhere in the middle of the US and it will be huge ! Just wait and see . Once I set my mind to something . . . watch out ! lol . The FLF and Hop then got all their pics taken together and yes , my friends . . . . Beatrix finally got her wish . . . . Wheezy in her big pink purse . Baby and Nana Boo were surveying the PP room kids . I am headed back up to Oregon tomorrow . . . truly sorry to Posted by Today was the day . We had a party to beat the band ! ! ! I have known some of these women for almost four and half years on the Dogster site . What a thrill it has been to meet all of them . First thing this morning as I walked back into the house was hysterical laughter . I knew that laugh anywhere . . It was none other than King Spiveys mom Rhonda ! Haha . . . What a laugh she has , its so infectious . It was really great to finally meet her and the king himself . Large and in charge is our King Spivey . His sister Lady Lexus is such a cute girl . We counted it up later and there were nine moms and 24 dogs ! ! ! ! Can you believe we had that many dogs in this house ! Crazy We had Marsh with Mista Chu , Shawna with Dewey , Arhonda with Marley and Ripley , Kathy with Lily and Piloux , Shirley with Johnny Thunder , Baby Ben , Beatrix , Cinnamon Bear , Honey Bear , Patti with Otto , Ratty and Lulu , Courtney with Stewart , Dora and Woody and of course me with Gus , Wheezer , Raven and Boo . Now that is a house full of dogs . We also had 11 Pugs but Mista Chu had to leave and Ripley wasn 't aroundGus and Spivey 's birthday 's are coming up so we got a cake and sang Happy Birthday to them and then served them cake . ( See Videos ) Too funny , you don 't mess with the King when he is eating his royal cake , no . . . . Then somehow Shirley got all of us posed and took pics of all of us . ( Look up at slide show ) That was major feat in itself . I am proud of all the four legged furkids . Then Courtney who runs www . fromstewartskitchen . com made " Pupcakes and bags of treats for the kids . Talk about an overload , then we wondered why they were all flying around like a bunch of frenzied monkeys . Just like the human kinds . Right now mine are totally crashed . Nothing could wake them . Shirley went all out with food for the humans . She made a lovely banquet . ( see pictures ) Then we had a baby Pug to make us all laugh . Ripley is 5 months and is a firecracker . Wheezer and Spivey had to compare beach bodies . . . . Spivey won hands down . he . . . he . . ; ) Boo fell in love with Courtney 's girls . EspecialPosted by Hello all ! WOOOO what a day ! It was another long and awesome one . The downer is that I think I brought rain and drizzle down with me from Oregon . Good for the puggies but not so good for the mom , who wanted some sunshine . Here at Shirleys house she has an Orange tree , so I got fresh Oranges this afternoon . How cool is that for a woman who has always had to buy them from the store . We were introduced to the one and only Miss Susie , Diva of the FLF . ( Yes , she is very much the diva ! ) look out world here comes Miss Susie . Cute as a button but not taking any doggys attitude let me tell you . She is so tiny , but a spit fire to be sure . Then I got to meet LuLu , Ratty and Otto . I seriously think Miss 5lb Lulu rules the roost there . She is another Diva and spit fire . WOOO what a little dolly ! Want to put her in my pocket and take her home . Ratty is a ladies man to be sure . He lets you know it too . Otto is a prince , beautiful , big and very well behaved . Patti their mom is awesome . She took me hiking up in the mountains . It was great . Some may think its dry and boring , but I loved it . There was green and the trees there are a different species so it was cool . We let the kids play in the water . Check up above in the slide . Too funny ! ! Well except when mom had to go in the water to fetch the frisbee . Gus tried but he is not one of those diving birds , even though he thought he might be . The frisbee was wedged under the water pretty good . Then we hiked down . Thank you , Patti . . . wonderful , wonderful hike with you and Otto ! ! ! I then drove out to a nice sized dog park and met the famous Dewster and his mom Shawna . He is a spit fire , but really . . she thinks he is wired . . . yeah right . She got a good idea of how spazzy mine are . Dewey is calm compared to those four . Shawna , you have nothing to worry about . Wheezy is still the big dog on the block or so he thinks . Went after every single big dog he could and can that little boy run . Just ask Shawna . I also got to meet Dewey 's friend Bubba . What a cutey . I think they were a bit overwhelmed Posted by AHH I got Internet ! Yeah . . . so don 't forget to look up in the slide and see all the pics so far . I met with Ena on Sunday and you will see a picture of her holding Boo and then a group picture of all of us . It really was a great day . The next day was certainly a long one . I drove from Gilroy California too Pasadena area where the FLF ( Fun Loving Family ) lives . It was a long drive let me tell you and through some pretty flat land . I arrived at Shirley 's house and at first we were not sure how all the dogs would react but it went great ! ! ! If you haven 't met the famous Beatrix . . you are definitely missing out . . she is just too funny ! Talk about giving you googley eyes , that girl has them . I posted a pic of her in the slide . Wheezer did the usual Napoleon syndrome thing and started telling Baby he was bigger . Of course Baby got scared , which probably pleased tuff boy . LOL Boo has decided Shirley 's daughter ( Rosie ) is her new friend and that " all " the toys are hers . Yes , they are pretty spoiled to be sure . Shirleys husband fed my kids scrambly eggs for dinner ! Hello . . now they are his for life ! haha . . I said enjoy it while you can because mom doesn 't do scrambly eggs or anyting for that matter at night . Spoiled is what they are . I can not wait for Thursday as it is going to be a great pawty , so many dogs ! haha . Today we went to Knotts Berry farm . I now can say I have been there . . No I did not ride any of the rides . . that is just crazy . . yes , you have to be young and crazy to ride those things . They did get me on the log ride and that was enough for me . Shirley Ann was the brave one and went on quite a few . I also met Buster ! ! ! Yes the other half of the famous Dewey clan and his mom Shawna . . See pics above . He is a cutey and his mom Shawna is great ! OH I do love meeting all my Dogster pals . Tomorrow I am hoping to go hiking with others and meet Shawna and Dewey at the park . Until then have a good night ! Hello all ! What a day ! Got to Isabel Park a little later than I thought . I forgot the dogs needed potty breaks . Haha This park is huge ! And its all dogs ! ! I met with a Dogster pal of mine , Ena , her BF John and two of her furkids , mamma and bubba ( this is their nickname because their names are long , so I a $ m going with the short versions ) . We walked and walked , it is the biggest dog park I have ever seen . Boo was being her usual goofy self and Gus was in 7th heaven with his Frisbee . Raven stopped every person to see if they had food . . Arolling eyes * Wheezer was trying to be the big dog on campus as usual . It really was a great day ! Thank you Ena ! ! Nice meeting you and your clan . Oh yes Boo rolled in everything so hence she is a little piggy again . * sigh * . I would post pics but I am up in the middle of no where without WiFi . . Thank goodness for my BB hahahaha We then went and picked up Boo and Gus 's collars from Lisa . She has www . collarmania . com I was going to get them shipped but since I was here in San Fran she let me just come over and get them . Nice of her huh ? Now Boo is stlyin in her new bling bling . Gus 's is for special occasions . Love Lisa 's work . I am staying at Henry Coe park campground and let me tell you . . if your looking for God 's country , this it . I thought it was down by this lake but OH NO 11 miles up this twisting , turning , sharp curves 5 miles an hour mountain . Along the way I saw a fox sitting in the middle of the road , no chance of hitting him because your going so slow . He was beautiful . Then a male California Quail ran out in the middle of the road . Awesome . Saw deer too and still I kept driving . I almost turned around , started to remind me of Friday the 13th or something . I kept going and finally I got to it . I can see the whole valley from here ! It is just that gorgeous . However . . I am the only one here ! ! Yep just me , the kids , wind ( yes lots of wind ) and the view . For some reason I am not concerned about being up here alone . It is . . well can 't explain but I feel pretty close to peacefulness . Got a nicPosted by It took more than the five hours I thought it would . Got here about 8 : 30pm . The dogs are crazy . . . ever camp with four dogs . Try to set a tent up , blow up an air mattress , roll out sleeping bag and walk the dogs . . . yeah . . whew what a job ! I decided on this campground because the owners have two pugs . I wanted to meet them but got here to late as they were closed and gone for the night . . : ( Here is the campground site : http : / / www . glenyanrvpark . com / index . htmlIt is nice , they have a creek in the background . I am not enjoying my fire though because I can 't get wireless by the fire . I am here with my laptop on the hood of my truck . . LOL . AHHHh addiction to the world wide web is a bad thing . . hehe . My dogs are in the truck because Raven and Wheezer were do their little ahhh ahhh screaming dance . Gus kept wandering off and Boo just wanted in the truck . I have decided to let the slideshow be the pictures so if you look up you will see todays pics . . . OK its fire and smores time ! ! ! ! Until tomorrow ! ! ! ! San Francisco here we come ! ! ! ! Just a few more days and we are on the road ! I took the passenger bucket seat out today , as I think it will more comfortable for the kids , especially Gus . Poor guy gets stomped on when he is in the back half . Which is a little space . This way he will have more room . I kind of like the room and since I am a petsitter / dog walker , one thing that has always bothered me is how would I get a big dog in my truck if it got injured ? I am thinking about maybe just keeping it that way . A nice sized crate could fit in there if I had an emergency . Besides no one really likes riding in my truck , so having a missing seat isn 't a big deal . . . I will have to think on this . Anyway , I first put down plastic bags , to keep the short hairs from burying themselves in the carpet , then I put down a throw rug I had , then put down a few dog beds and then covered that up with a dog blanket . . now that should be comfy . I am curious if Boo , Raven and Wheezer will freak since they will not be able to see out the windows . They are too short . . haha . Oh and another plus is the air conditioner now will be able to circulate cool air a lot better , since the bucket seat was preventing it from reaching that back half . I tested it out tonight ( not that I was planning on it or anything ) with Mr . Magoo . He has some sort of nasty rash on his underbelly and armpits ( are they called this ? ) . . legpits . . whatever . He seemed to enjoy the fact there was more room , but then he decided the arm rest was a better place to hang out on . . go figure . Magoo is fine , he just has some kind of allergy to something . . God only knows what , because that boy gets into everything . Worse than his sister . I just wanted to make sure nothing was contagious . Which it wasn 't . Then I blew up my air mattress to make sure all was fine . When you have dogs and air mattress , sometimes the mattress loses . This one seems to have no air leaks . Thank goodness as my old back could not take the hard ground . Everything is packed , except the kids and my food . It just seems like I have a lot of stuff , but then I Posted by OK so today I had to get out of the heat so I started making these ropes for the dogs . I have never tied them up in their lives but all the campgrounds state I have to tie them up . . . poor kids . . So instead of those nasty chains , I bought some rope and made my own . First of all they make PINK . . yeah . . really so I had to buy pink and white for the girls . . and maybe the boys because I can 't seem to find any boy colored rope . Any way here I am getting the ropes tied up , ( I went online to see which kind of knot would be the best and how to tie it so my kids could not get it undone ) I got done and wanted to take pics and what does Miss Snoopy Raven herself do but jump up in the middle of things . . so here is a video and photos of camping and rope tying 101 Ravens way . Posted by I talked about on of the first places I was going to stay at , which is in Ashland Oregon . The only reason I picked it was because the camp owners have Pugs . . . what is it with people and their Pugs ! ? hehe . . . I don 't know but they are addicting . When I made the reservation I put in that I had two Pugs and when they wrote back confirming my reservation , they were excited to know I had Pugs . . Then I made reservations for the one in Gilroy , but apparently the kid that works there wasn 't sure that you could do anything . . so I just said I would take my chances . ( the website said to call to make a reservation ) OK . . . The other thing checked off my list is washing my sleeping bag . I noticed Mr or Miss mouse had been at it at one point in its long life . I double washed it . I have nothing against mice , just not in my sleeping bag . It seems my list keeps getting longer and longer or is it I keep adding this and that . As usually happens it will come together all at the last minute . Ok now on to the next thing . . . . I am starting this blog because I have got the idea to visit some of the people I have met on Dogster . I have been a part of this four - legged world for almost five years and have met some really great dog people . People like me , who love their dogs unconditionally . We have shared many adventures , losses and loves together . This is the story HoP 's road trip to meet some of these awesome friends . . so far it has been an adventure all right . Three weeks before my trip and my truck starts acting up , then my chewed up Blackberry finally bit the big one and then my wireless quite . I have to have all three or the trip is incomplete . All are fixed now , so now to the next step . I am busy getting more stuff to make my furkids more comfortable . Since I wasn 't able to get a canopy for the truck , I have decided to take the passengers seat out . Then I will put dog beds down where the seat was . All four should be pretty comfy . I know Gus will be since he is the biggest . Today I bought rope and hardware . Since we will be stayin in campgrounds , the kids will have to be on leashes . I bought a pink and white 50 foot rope and will four seperate ropes 6 feet long . I know they will think they are being abused , but there really are some people out there who do not understand that dogs are really little humans . Tomorrow I am going to set up the tent out back and see if we all fit . . hehe
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I have a guilty pleasure confession - I love Judge Judy . I know ! I used to make fun of Hubby for watching it and now I 'm hooked . Ya 'll ! I just can 't believe that there are that many people who would actually go on TV and air their grievances . Pretty much every case is the same . It 's usually a girl suing a guy ( or vice versa ) for a loan they made that never got paid back . The defendent 100 % of the time says , " It was not a loan . It was a gift . " And the people are so stupid ! I know that 's ugly , but wouldn 't you watch some episodes before going on the show and learn what works and what doesn 't ? So there you go - I highly recommend it for some laughs . On another note , I can 't believe that 2008 is almost over . This year just flew by . I plan on taking some time this weekend to do some reflecting . I 'm not going to think about things I didn 't do . I want to remember all the wonderful things God allowed to happen to me . Don 't worry ! I 'll share some of the highlights ! By the way , Gym Trainer said I rocked it tonight . I promptly asked him if he meant I rocked it like a rock star . I think I lost some cool points . It 's been a while . . . Christmas is definately over . I was on a serious festivity high and believe you me , I have come tumbling down . I can only sustain the EXCITED ABOUT EVERY LITTLE THING for so long ! That 's what I do - I get super excited and wear myself slap out . So , right now I have a little of the after Christmas blahs . But don 't worry , New Year 's is right around the corner and I 'll be super pumped about that . Little update on my TV watching : After years of declaring " I tried to watch House once and couldn 't get into it " , I have done a 180 ! Ya 'll , it is so good ! I DVR 'd a marathon and I am loving , loving , loving it . Unfortunately , work is getting in the way of my watching the 12 episodes I have recorded . Speaking of New Years , I 'm curious about what ya 'll will be doing ? Leave a little post and share your plans ! I 'm at work - seriously ! Dad makes us all come in on Christmas Eve because we have clients open . The goal is to stay till 12 : 00 before we all head down to Granddaddy 's . Usually , Dad gets antsy about this time and starts hurrying us out the door - I 'm still waiting . . . I can 't wait to get down to Granddaddy 's . It is my most favorite day out of the entire year . Sister 's kids are so precious and I LOVE getting to watch them open their presents . I LOVE seeing all my family . I LOVE getting a little snooze in after I 'm so stuffed I can 't stand it . Can you tell I LOVE everything about it ? Unbelievably , we will have highs in the upper 60 's today . Yes , it 's Christmas Eve and you gotta love the South . Just so you know , today will be the biggest cheat day of all time . I am going to pack it in . Is it possible to eat an extra 17 , 500 calories in one day to gain 5 pounds . I 'm pretty sure I 'll be close . Well , Merry Christmas to all of you who read my humble blog . I pray the Lord will bless you and we 'll all see the REAL meaning of Christmas - Happy Birthday Jesus . It 's been a few days . . . The weekend was pretty jam packed so here 's a few of the highlights : Saturday - I ran my 2nd 5K . I beat my last time by 2 minutes ! ! ! ! After the run , J2 and I shopped a little over on Hwy 280 as we complained about our sore legs and the headaches we had . I would attribute that to the fact that after the run , we promptly got Diet Cokes instead of drinking LOTS of water . I know ! ! ! - it 's the addiction . Late Saturday afternoon - Hubby got home from Atlanta ( for good ! ! ! ) around 3 : 00 and we left for my parent 's house . We had a little Christmas get - together which was super fun . Sister 's kids were precious and too cute opening their presents . Sunday - Church and then a whole ordeal I don 't even feel like getting into and then off to Hubby 's sister 's house to do Christmas with his Grams . We had a really great time . Tonight I met with Gym Trainer and now I 'm home sitting with Hubby watching some Judge Judy . ( Yes , we love us some Judy Judy ! ) I can 't believe it 's almost Christmas ! ! ! I also can 't believe I haven 't finished my shopping . J2 and I went to Sips N Strokes tonight and painted " Funky Tree " . You probably won 't believe this but it was kind of an ordeal . We had it all planned out . It started at 7 so we decided we 'd meet there at 6 : 30 . I was in charge of picking up our Diet Cokes from Jack 's . Quick Sidenote : A Diet Coke from Jack 's is my absolute FAVORITE drink in the whole world . I don 't know why it 's different from every other Diet Coke BUT IT IS ! ! ! OK , anyway . . I left work in plenty of time , got the drinks and headed that way . I called Hubby so I could hear his sweet voice , promptly passed my turn and went about 15 minutes out of my way . No biggie , I was there in plenty of time . At 6 : 45 , J2 still wasn 't there . I called her and she was roaming the Target parking lot looking for her car . ( That is also a problem that I have . I ALWAYS forget where I parked . ) J2 got there and got signed in about 6 : 55 . We 're still good - THEN ! we realize our large Diet Coke 's our regular Coke . FOR THE LOVE ! So , we hightailed it to the BP , boutght Diet Coke 's and did a little switch - a - roo with our cups and ice . We did all that in 7 minutes - pretty good , huh ? This is us before we realized we had a Diet Coke problem . Here 's the first phase of " Funky Tree " . Phase 2 : Final Look : How can it possibly be this HOT 8 days away from Christmas ? ? ? I mean , I don 't want it to be super cold or anything , but a nice brisk breeze would be a little nice . Seriously , I have the back door open right now - in December - 8 days away from Christmas ! Gym Trainer gave me the HARDEST workout EVER tonight . I may never walk again . It was about one hour of pure torture where I went from thoughts of passing out , throwing up , hurting Gym Trainer . . . anything to make it stop . BUT , I survived it and you know they say that anything that doesn 't kill you , only makes you stronger ! By the way , I Googled the whole toe cramp thing and basically , I need to drink more water . I drank more today and guess what ? ? NO TOE CRAMPS ! So there . . . I best git ( that 's Southern for I need to go now ) and get some presents wrapped and the rest of Christmas cards done . Toodles . Monday , Monday . . . . Today was good . Work went by really fast . Before I knew it , it was time for lunch and my trip to The Dollar Tree . Oh yeah , baby . I spent $ 42 which means I got 42 things ! ! ! I was so excited that I didn 't even let the mammoth line get me down . It 's just hard to believe that Christmas is only 10 days away . I still have presents to buy , gifts to wrap . . . Gym Trainer is all better so we were back in the gym . My workout tonight was brutal . My legs feel like noodles which I guess means I worked out to my full potential . So I feel pretty confident in saying , " I rocked it tonight . " Let me tell you what doesn 't rock - my hair . I went for a much needed color Friday afternoon . I went in with mostly dark brown hair with too many highlights of gray and walked out with dark brown hair but with the entire top BLONDE - I kid you not . Oh my heavens . It was terrible . And because I 'm so smart , I decided to color it myself last night . In my mind I just knew that all that blonde was going to be magically brown . Oh no , now the entire top of my head looks like a bright copper penny . No big deal , right ? I guess I 'll wear a hat for the next 6 weeks . Grief . One more thing , anybody know anything about toe cramps ? ? I have this one toe that cramps up about 90 . 8 % of the time when I workout . Maybe I need to google that . Hmm . . . Big weekend ! Yesterday morning I had the pleasure of watching Hubby walk across the stage at Samford as he received his Masters in Environmental Management . I was so proud ! Not only because he 's a National Honors Scholar , has a 3 . 78 GPA , but also because I looked around and realized that the cutest man there belongs to me ! ! ! After graduation , the Sharpe Family Christmas began . Just a little background on the way the Sharpe 's do Christmas : Hubby 's mom is a planner . She loves to plan parties and she loves to surprise people . The parties always have a theme . So , Christmas is an event that requires weeks of planning on her part and always ends with everyone loving what a good time they had . The hard part is that we never know where we 're going . This year the theme was Up , Up and Away . We rode with my Sister - in - law and her hubby . All we knew was that we had to take I59 to Exit 231 and call his Dad when we got there . His parents were waiting at that exit to lead us to our destination . We ended up at this house on a mountain in Cloudland , GA . ( I had never heard of it either . ) The house was huge and the view was spectacular . It was almost like being in Gatlinburg . We had a blast ! Last night we built a fire in the firepit , roasted marshmallows and were amazed at all the shooting stars . I really had a great time . We ate , played games , ate some more , laughed like crazy , ate . Did I mention we ate ? We played a game with hats . . . I won 't go into the details but the girls got a little silly with them later on . So , I 'm home and Hubby has left to go back to Atlanta . Thankfully , it 's the last week he has to go . I 'll sign - off now . Got to get some Christmas cards ready to send out ! I just got off the phone with Gym Trainer and as of Tuesday , he is Sick Trainer . We had to cancel Wednesday and tonight due to his sinus infection . Bless his heart , he said he 's scared of shots and opted for a prescription . Doesn 't he know . . . always take the shot ! ! ! ( Also , he said he 's scared of clowns . Hmmm . ) Gotta run , Hubby just got home ! Just so you know , I have the best Mama in the whole world . I don 't know how I got so lucky because I 've looked around at some other people 's Mamas and WHOA ! So here 's a little tidbit about Mama . Many years ago she discovered the Southern Sisters books by Anne George . There are 8 of them and she has probably read each of them at least 10 times - no lie . Now , Sister and I love them too and you can ALWAYS count on them for a good read and a good laugh . They 're about 2 sisters , Mary Alice and Patricia Anne . They live in Homewood , AL and they get in all kinds of messes . Mama doesn 't really believe that Mary Alice and Patricia Anne are real , but she REALLY wants them to be . Rarely a week goes by that something doesn 't happen that has her recalling a Patricia Anne story . She , Sister and I talk about them like they 're real and sometimes we get so tickled that it 's a struggle not to wet our pants ! Unfortunately , Anne George died in 2001 so there will be no more Southern Sisters books . ( Although , Mama is desperately hoping that her relatives are going to clean out a box sometime and find a manuscript that hasn 't been published yet . ) If you haven 't read them , I STRONGLY encourage you to head to the library and check these out . Murder on a Girl 's Night Out Murder on a Bad Hair Day Murder Runs in the Family Murder Makes Waves Murder Gets a Life Murder Shoots the Bull Murder Carries a Torch Murder Boogies with ElvisYou will NOT BE SORRY ! ! ! ! And Mama , I love you more than I can possibly write . I have decided that Tuesdays are just blah . I think that my 8 hour work day really lasted a million hours . Oh my gosh ! It was so never - ending . In light of that , there is nothing to write about . SO ! I have decided to start Confession Tuesdays . Today I need to confess that my house is a Christmas imposter . I have no decorations on the inside . My little Christmas Tree is shining out of my attic window and my baby Christmas tree is out on the front porch . I did put a decoration on the mailbox and a wreath on the front door and THAT IS IT ! I just have no desire to decorate the inside of my house this year . It 's not that I 'm being a Scrooge , it 's just that there will be nobody to see it but me and let me be clear , I can live without it . If Hubby was not spending almost the whole month in Atlanta I would definately decorate . Maybe I 'll just put a little mistletoe up to get a little kissie - poo ! I promise I 'll do better next year . By the way , it 's raining and I couldn 't be happier . As far as Mondays go , today was pretty good . Things were clicking at work , I didn 't feel like I was going to die with Gym Trainer and now I 'm watching another awesome episode of Heroes . There was one hiccup with my day and that was my trip to Wal - Mart on lunch . M and I got checked out and then headed over to McDonald 's ( No Gym Trainer , it was not for me ! ) so M could get something . It was unbelievable incompetence . They had one lady cooking and one at the register at the height of lunch hour . It turns out that after about 20 minutes of waiting , another lady was SUPPOSED to be working but she had a more important duty which was to leave and go pick out a card . Hmmmm . . . All in all , I give today an A . Sister asked me to post my Chicken Ball recipe so here it is ! 1 8oz package soft cream cheese1 cup grated sharp cheddar cheese1 5oz package Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing Mix2 13oz canned chicken ( put it thru your chopper - not the can , just the chicken - HA ! ) Pecans , choppedMix everything together ( except pecans ) and roll into a big bal . Then roll your ball thru the pecans and coat the outside . Leave in the fridge overnight . I did it ! ! ! ! I ran my very first 5K ever ! ! ! I was really nervous that I wouldn 't be able to finish , but I DID IT ! ! ! My time was 40 minutes and 34 seconds which I 'm really proud of . J2 ( on the left ) ran it in 30 minutes flat . She rocks for her 10 minute mile ! She 's my running hero . ( By the way , our shirts said Jingle and had little jingle bells on them ! ) The last I checked , the 2008 Jingle Bell Run for the Arthritis Foundation raised $ 84 , 028 . I loved it and I 've already signed up for another 5K on the 20th ! Sister 's Hubby told me something distressing today . He said they watched Rudolph last night with the kids and then Sister had nightmares AND that this has been going on for years . WHAT ? ? ? Sister , is that for real ? ? I mean , I personally WILL NOT watch The Wizard of Oz but that is totally different . With the witch , those flying things and the awful clicking of the heels . . . who can take it ? Believe you me , if I had kids , they would NEVER , NEVER , NEVER , EVER be allowed to watch that movie . That 's all I have to say about that . OK , not all - seriously , Sister , is that for real ? Anyway , since it 's Thursday - - that means Hubby comes home tomorrow AND I have my work Christmas party . I love myself a party and I am FIRED UP about playing Dirty Santa . Of course , I 'm more excited that the niece and nephews will be there and I 'm super excited about hearing them play Christmas carols on the piano . They don 't know it yet but I figure they need a last minute practice before their recital Saturday . J2 came by my work today and brought me my 5K packet for the Jingle Bell run Saturday . I guess I 'm ok with the fact that I can 't even run 3 miles but I 'll do my best and what more can the Arthritis Foundation ask for , right ? I just got my MP3 loaded up with some Christian music . I figure that will do me some good since I 'm sure I 'll be praying for Jesus to " help me " pretty much the entire time . I doubt there will be a post tomorrow night since I 'll be partying hard like a rock star ( or maybe just a computer programmer ) and then gettin in the bed to rest up before the run . LOVE YA ' LL ! Home from the gym and watching a little TV while I recuperate . How bout they have a show now to announce the Grammy nominees ? ? They just did the nominees for New Artist of the Year and I had only heard of those cute little Jonas Brothers . Have ya 'll seen them ? They are precious . Oh ! The Foo Fighters are singing Carly Simon 's " You 're So Vain " ! That song is so catchy . It 's so good no matter who sings it . Gym Trainer wasn 't very happy with me tonight after finding out I had a candy bar for breakfast . It wasn 't intentional . Let me rephrase , obviously no one was shoving it down my throat or anything but my morning got away from me and then I had to rush off to see the niece and nephews sing at CBS . Oh for the love ! I was going to post a picture and I can 't figure out how to get it off my camera . Absolutely everything is an ordeal . Posted by M , one of my co - workers , called today to let me know that I didn 't post yesterday . Of course I know that I didn 't post yesterday , but I had no idea that someone would actually notice ! I feel famous ! OK , not really but how sweet is that ? ? Just so you know , M is a terrific co - worker and friend . She is funny and you can always count on her for a good story . Seriously , if they made a movie of her life , it would be # 1 at the box office . And that girl can shop the Dollar Tree ! She went today on lunch and spent $ 85 ! ! ! I LOVE THE DOLLAR TREE ! I so wish I had been with her today . We had some not so happy news at work today though . K turned in her resignation . K was in my department and now with her gone , I 'm the only girl . I think I 'm gonna drape my cubie with some pink lest I forget to act all ladylike . And before I sign off - Hubby is in Atlanta and had to go to the doc this morning . I sure hope he starts feeling better and I HATE that he 's not home . Posted by The Thanksgiving holiday is officially over . I 'm back on the couch and contemplating exactly how much I 'm gonna decorate for Christmas this year . Usually , I 'm really excited about decorating but this year I just feel kind of blah about it - not Christmas ! just decorating . I think I 've kind of decided to just do the outside this year . Of course , decorating the outside consists of putting a wreath on the door , a mat at the door and a decoration on the mailbox . Who knows , I might get crazy and put my tree up . . . Hubby left to go back to Atlanta this afternoon . Only 3 more weeks of this thank goodness . We went to church this morning and then to lunch with T , K , C , O and baby K . We had Chinese AND I followed the RULES and got chicken & brocolli with brown steamed rice . It was pretty good but let 's face it , you can 't get much better than sesame chicken ( or basically anything fried . ) I had baby K in the nursery today and I think she gets cuter every week . J2 and I went running this afternoon . I ran a mile and a half straight today . I 'm really excited about that but somehow I 've got to get up to 3 miles by the time I do the Jingle Bell 5K Saturday morning . Although J2 is a pro now , this is my first run . I REALLY hope I can do it . It 's really rainy right now and they 're saying possible snow drizzle . I wonder if it could drizzle enough where we don 't have to go to work ! Thanksgiving Day has wound down for me . It has been a great two days . Mom and I got to Granddaddy 's house around 9 : 15 yesterday morning and headed to Wal - Mart to get those last few items . ( I know you probably won 't believe it , but a few other people in Clanton had the same idea . ) Then , Granddaddy treated Mom and me to lunch at - none other than Arby 's . Granddaddy LOVES Arby 's and while we ate he recounted his many visits there . Now , Granddaddy is a man of few words so it was a treat to hear his memories of the first time he had Arby 's ( which he didn 't like because he didn 't know about the Arby 's sauce . ) Then he remembers the 2nd time when he used the sauce and it has been LOVE , LOVE , LOVE ever since . We got back to his house around 12 , got everything unloaded and I promptly got in the bed to take a nap . I laid down at 12 : 30 and woke up around 3 : 20 . I KNOW ! Apparently , I slept through all of Mom 's dinner preparations and the smoke alarm going off 3 times . Just so you know , Mom didn 't burn anything up . The smoke alarm just does that . ( It started going off today and Granddaddy just sat there . I thought maybe he just didn 't hear it so I went over and said something about it . His response - " It will stop in a little bit . " ) It was nice getting caught up on all the family gossip . C & H are back together . C is my cousin . He and H broke up a few months ago but apparently the LOVE has brought them back together again . Teenage love . . . . I loved being with my family and I 'm so thankful for them . I totally realize I 'm a blessed , blessed girl . OH MY GOSH ! OH MY GOSH ! I just got an email from Big Mama ! ! ! She is my blog hero and SHE EMAILED ME ! ! ! ! I can 't believe it . Can you tell I 'm excited ? ? ? I 'm pasting it below because it 's so special ( and so you 'll believe me . ) From : " Big Mama " To : " sharpej @ ny - yankees . net " Subject : Re : [ Big Mama ] Comment : " Doodle O ' Malley " Hey Jill - I just wanted to say thanks for the sweet comment and welcome ! Love , Melanie Did you see that ? She said " thanks for the sweet comment " and she welcomed me ya 'll ! And she signed it " Love " . See , I knew this day was going to turn out special since the Lord wanted me to get started on it so early ! Yes , it really is 4 : 30 AM . I 've been up since about 2 : 15 . I couldn 't sleep so I decided to get my rumpus out of bed and do my Bible Study . I 'm going to assume that this day is going to be so SUPER good that God wanted me to get it started at the CRACK of dawn ! OK , even before the crack . So . . . I 've done my Bible Study , straightened the kitchen , done some laundry , read some of my book and am going to leave in about 20 minutes to meet J2 at the track to run . After work , mom and I are meeting a couple of girls at Sips N Strokes to paint a Santa picture . THEN ! I have to meet Gym Trainer . Oh my stars , it will be a long day . BUT ! I 'm off work tomorrow and Mom and I are going to Granddaddy 's to cook for Thanksgiving . OK , I 'll be honest , she 'll cook . I 'll probably do a lot of tasting and talking . Better run ( literally ! ) Posted by Hubby and I are over at Jill Squared and M 's house right now . The kids are hyped up on sugar and WILD ! J - Squared is trying to bribe them with a movie to get them calmed down for bed . Little G just asked for another piece of cake for about the 10th time . Of course she said no ( all the while M is in the other room giving a piece to Little H . ) Oh , good times . I had a training day at work which went well and then went to lunch with two friends from work . Just so you know , I had the chicken and rice at Cracker Barrel and it was to die for . Not really , I wouldn 't really die for it . Maybe a butterfinger Blizzard but definately not chicken and rice . Speaking of food ( which I do often ) , Gym Trainer says you should have a cheat day each week and eat WHATEVER you want and as MUCH as you want . I think that 's my favorite thing he 's said so far . It does help to be good about what I eat all week knowing that on Saturday I 'm going to blow it out of the water ! Hubby has asked me twice if I 'm finished so I 'll check out for now . Keep it real ya 'll . I 'm settled in for the night ! Comfy jammies on - Check ! Contacts out , glasses on - Check ! TV on - Check ! On the couch - Check ! The weatherman just said it is going to be super cold tomorrow with a high of 47 . I 'm pretty sure that 's grounds to stay home from work . Of course , I think you should be able to stay home from work if it 's raining too . It should be a law that whenever it rains , you get to stay home and read . Totally just my opinion . I figured it up today and it 's only 34 days till Christmas ! ! ! Posted by I would just like to say that I sure am glad I have Hubby and am not a part of the dating scene . I 'm pretty sure I would die an Old Maid . I was just driving home from the gym and got choked on my water ( no lie ) . I was coughing like a maniac and the guy in the car next to me did not look impressed . It 's hard to look cool when you 're gasping for breath . OK , so I got to thinking about rock stars today . ( I know , it 's the Pink song . It 's so catchy . ) Don 't get me wrong - I know I 'm not rock star material . But , it reminded me of when Sister and I used to ride back to Montevallo on Sundays . I kid you not , I think we heard Elvis ' Suspicious Minds and Shake the Sugar Tree by Pam Tillis every single time . ( Sister , do you remember that ? ? ! ! ) We used to sing at the top of our lungs and we are 100 % convinced that the backup singers for Elvis are the best EVER ! Just so you know , I did intervals ( Gym Trainer calls it " conditioning " ) at the gym tonight and it 's entirely possible that I won 't be able to get out of the bed in the morning . It 's amazing - I actually pay someone to make me feel this way . . . . Woo Hoo - 2nd prize baby ! Let me just tell you , I love my Bunko group . This group started about 5 years ago and since then there has been a marriage , multiple babies born and TONS of fun . I love each and every one of these girls . Oh me , oh me . . . . . Gym Trainer worked my legs tonight - nuff said . I missed Abbie 's Heritage Girl 's Award night . Sister failed to let me know about it until 8 : 45 last night . If I had known , I could have rescheduled Gym Trainer . Get this , Abbie told Sister that " Aunt Jill will definately be there because she wants to be involved with everything I do . " Seriously , she 's 7 ! So very growny and oh the pain in my heart for not getting to be there ! I 'm watching the Amazing Race right now - I would have watched it last night but I got hooked watching a recorded America 's Next Top Model . I 'm not sure if it 's evident , but I 'm really into reality TV . Just a thought , if you could be on any reality TV show - what would it be ? ? ? It 's a toss - up for me , Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader - Making the Team OR America 's Next Top Model . And then I wake up . I would laugh , but I 'm afraid my legs will move . I got home a little while ago from Hadley 's 1st birthday party . Hadley is the daughter of my most favorite friend from college . Alicia moved to Kentucky several years ago when she got married and I have missed her terribly . You know you have a real friendship with someone when you can go months without talking or seeing each other and it only feels like a minute has passed when you see them again . This is my first time to post pics so I hope all goes well ! ! I also want to give a big shout - out to K ( Kerrie ) & T ( Tom ) for inviting us over last night to play games . We were some party animals playing Phase 10 and UNO . K has been my best friend since 8th grade - 20 years of a wonderful friendship . And . . . . . I love , love , love her 3 girls ! Right now it 's cold and rainy outside and I am loving sitting on the couch next to Hubby . I can 't tell you how glad I am that he 's home . He spent some time out riding his dirt bike with friends while I was at the party . We 're gonna have a little date nite tonight ! ! ! By the way , I saw 2 rainbows driving home from the birthday party - beautimous ! Hubby comes home tomorrow ! ! ! ( I would stand up and do a little jig but I 'm still a little sore . ) I love Hubby with all my heart and can 't tell you proud I am to be his wife of 10 years . He 's the most wonderful man - funny , smart and SUPER good - looking ! He 's always doing sweet things for me like . . . The lamp on my nightstand is pretty tall so I would have to get out of bed to turn it on or off . Very frustrating when I 'm reading and my eyes are so heavy that all I want to do is put my book down , take my glasses off , roll over , snuggle up to my body pillow and enter dreamland . MY MAN ordered me Handy Switch and put it right on the side of my nightstand ! ! ! It is fabulous . I totally recommend it . The best thing about Hubby is that he totally " gets " me . He knows exactly who I am and loves me anyway . He deals with my moods , gives me space when I need it and somehow seems to know exactly when I need a prize . It doesn 't get much better than that . I heart him . Seriously ! How is it that I keep writing these long posts and then somehow deleting them ! I feel like a total goob . You would think this is rocket science . So anyway , basically I was just letting you know that I can barely move after Gym Trainer decided we would start " intervals " tonight . I am so stinkin sore . I can 't imagine what I 'm going to feel like in the morning . I 'll save all my complaining till then . Anyway , as part of my " real life " I need to get myself in the bed . Actually , I may have to sleep on couch . I 'm not so sure I can hobble to the bed . Today is my youngest nephew 's birthday . He is 2 and according to my sister - full of the two 's ! Check out her blog over at http : / / itstartedwithlove . blogspot . com / and see the cutest 2 year - old ever . My sister is pretty remarkable , but the greatest thing about her is that she has provided this world with 4 of the most precious , beatiful , brilliant ( I promise I 'm not biased ) children in the entire world . I can 't imagine life without them . Tyler is 10 and has the warmest heart ever . Oh my heavens , he was a beautiful baby ! I remember just wanting to hold him and watch him sleep . He 's becoming a young man - hard to believe . Tyler was my first unconditional love . Matt is 9 and without a doubt , you will never meet anyone like him . He has a love for animals ( especially chickens ) and is amazing with them . He 's always trying to make a buck but he 's a giver too . Abbie is 7 and our only girl . She 's all girl but don 't get me wrong - she can hang tough with the boys too ! I love everything about her . She 's a great little 2nd mama to James . And James . . . . the birthday boy . You can 't help but look at James and fall in love . My heart just lights up when I see him and he hugs my neck . Just so you know . . . Sister is in the process of adopting a baby girl ! I 'll keep you posted . Oh for the love , I just wrote a whole post and somehow deleted it ! I 'm too lazy to do it again - so for my one reader ( yes Sister , that 's you ) - sorry . More tomorrow . I 'm back on the couch . Hubby left a few minutes ago for another week in Atlanta . I miss him tons but am thankful that he has a job . I know that so many people are out of work right now . I just got back from Academy where I bought some of those 180 degree ear thingies . I met Jill ( I 'm not crazy and I don 't refer to myself in the 3rd person . Jill is my bestest friend . ) at the track at 6 : 00 AM ( yes , AM ) to run . It was freezing and because I 'm the dork that I am , I wore shorts . It felt like needles were hitting my legs over and over . My ears were the worst though . We 're meeting again at 5 : 30 tomorrow morning and I will have on pants and my new ear thingies ! Before you get the wrong impression , I am not some kind of fitness freak . ( Although I would really like to be . ) I will be 35 next August and have decided that by the time I 'm 35 I want to be in shape and run a 5K and 10K . I have never ran before in my life so I 'm doing the Couch to 10K deal . I 'm on week 2 . Baby steps . I have also gotten a personal trainer . Tomorrow starts week 2 . More on that later . It has been a GREAT weekend ! It was actually a long weekend for me . I decided to take a personal day Friday which turned out to be the beginning of some much needed fun and rest . Mom came over Friday morning and we went through my gift closet . I am a clearance nut ! I buy things here and there all throughout the year , put them in the gift closet , promptly forget what all I 've bought and then LOVE MYSELF because right now I have pretty much finished all my Christmas shopping ! Jealous , huh ? Church was so good this morning . The sermon was powerful and really made me think about whether or not I have really died to self . One thing Bro . Bill mentioned was mentally praying each morning about that and committing it to the Lord . It was about using your time and talents for the Lord also . In light of that , I need to 1 . Figure out what my talent is and 2 . Start using it . Sunday School is one of my most favorite times of the whole week . I work in the nursery and keep babies from aboPosted by I was just sitting here reading up on some of my favorite bloggers and I thought , " Why not ? " I can be somewhat impulsive so hear I go . . . And even if no one ever reads my humble little blog , at least I 'll have something to look back at one day and remember . You know , I 'll want to remember that I 'm sitting on my couch on a Saturday afternoon at 3 : 45 watching recorded episodes of Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders : Making the Team . There are just some things you never want to forget . Memories are good . I have lots of good ones and know that there are many more to come . Can 't wait to share them with you ! Posted by I 'm just a Southern girl who loves my Husband , family and Jesus . I try to do the right thing - sometimes I do , sometimes I don 't . These are the tales of my life . I 'm just trying to be real .
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As of yesterday Ehren is no longer a static baby . He isn 't crawling yet ( thank God ) , but he now scoots as far as he can get which will take him off his playmat and into the dining room if we aren 't paying attention . I have no doubt he would make it under the table if we would let him . Yesterday Joshua set him down to play and then sat on the couch to do a bit of work on his computer . Not two minutes later he jumps because " something " grabbed his foot . And of course it was our son who had wiggled his way 3 feet from where he was placed , chewing on his foot . This is about to get interesting . In other news he loves to have his picture taken . I 'm sure this was a talent fostered by the nannies at Hannah 's Hope . Here 's the photo progression . TOTALLY UNAWARE : Today I ( Joshua ) turned 31 years old . And to celebrate , we partied it up took Ehren on his first trip to the park . The weather has been great here this week , so we 're soaking up as much sun and warmth as we can before it turns cold . I can 't believe it 's already been a year since I turned 30 . So much has happened in the last year it felt like I just skipped being 30 and went straight to 31 . In less than two weeks it will be one year since my dad died . During that year I spent as much time traveling as I did at home . I 've been stretched , beat up , disappointed , pushed to my limits in every way , excited , encouraged , supported and loved . I can 't think of a better way to end the last year than to become a father . We 've been back home one week and life has taken a huge turn all at once . Our family has adopted a new member and he is amazing . All - consuming , but amazing . Posted by Ehren got his first walk in Crieve Hall today . The weather is beautiful , 60 degrees , nice crisp air . There 's still a bit of color left in the leaves on the trees . The pines are foreshadowing Christmas . We are home and back in Nashville . We had quite a greeting at the airport and we played pass the baby one last time before Joshua and I are sequestered at the house with him for the next month . I 've spent the last 3 hours working while the boys are sleeping . The three of us are having quite a time adjusting to our new timezone on the other side of the world . However , Ehren loves his new house . He had a bit of trouble doing anything but staring when we first got home . Now that he has adjusted to the blue walls it is a toss up between whether he likes the mirror or playing best . I can 't quite decide . We 've also transitioned to the cloth diapers and realize we need a LOT more . Hasn 't been painful at all though . The only thing that is painful is the fatigue . He naps great but now he is napping through the night instead of sleeping which is so tiring . Hopefully he 'll transition soon to the new schedule and then it will be all peaches and rainbows , right ? Next step is pediatrician appointment , social worker visit , starting the American adoption proceedings and those pesky vaccines . Should make for a full week month ! We are back in Taipei and Ehren successfully survived his first plane ride . We had our AIT appointment today and we are sitting in the hotel room waiting for 2 : 30 when they said his visa may be ready . There is a small chance they call and tell us there was an issue with the birthmother interview but barring that we got the " clear to go " and we get to pick it up this afternoon . AIT was interesting . They do your interview just out in the open so you can hear everything . The couple before us met online and he came out here to marry her . They have only seen each other 3 times and they are trying to get her visa so she can come to the US . I can 't imagine the stories these officials hear because just this one was fascinating . Currently Ehren is asleep , Joshua is out finding us lunch and I 'm frantically trying to figure out if we can get on a plane in less than 12 hours . The only earlier flight we can take is tonight so I 'm trying to be prepared for everything if we get his visa . We have a southwest flight to book , hotel in LA and then packing us all up again . We wouldn 't normally be in such a rush to get home but we are 3 . 5 weeks into the traveling and home just sounds so great . So if you don 't hear from us again that is a great sign and we 'll be home on Saturday night . If we don 't get an earlier flight then we 'll get to buy a cheap ipod , computer and drink more milk bubble tea so it won 't be all bad . Here is America 's newest immigrant : I have a really hard time documenting things when I just want to experience them . So sorry but you are left with very little pretty pictures . When we left for the afternoon I turned to Joshua and asked if we had the camera . Nope we had forgotten to grab it . But we did have 4 diapers , a bottle ready to be made and one content little boy with us . Our last day in Taitung was spent checking out more of the aboriginal side of the area and learning a tiny bit about Peinan which is the tribe of Ehren 's birthmother . Then we sufficiently freaked out our waitress at dinner . We decided to eat at the hotel and invited some of the Hannah 's Hope staff to join us so we could eat family style to try a few dishes . They needed to eat later than we normally did and it corresponded with Ehren 's play time instead of sleep time . Not a problem ! We brought a blanket and laid it out on the hotel restaurant floor between our chairs and let him play while we ate . The first waitress laughed and then brought the rest of the girls to see what we were doing . It didn 't seem that weird to us but they were very concerned that we understood that the floor wasn 't clean . Hello , we brought a blanket - he 'll be fine ! Posted by It 's like Taiwanese fondue but with potentially scarier ingredients . I vowed to wait until we had our translator to try it so I didn 't offend by not eating anything I was served . Sansan and Lanfen invited us to dinner and were able to help me negotiate the menu to an original beef hot pot that I loved . They have these great mushrooms that I couldn 't get the name to , all kind of " tofu cousins , " beef , and an egg . There were unidentified fish parts that I left in the pot so I 'll leave them out of the blog as well . I basically copied Sansan as she ate her hot pot because the way you cook it is just as important as the ingredients . Took quite a bit of time to eat with Ehren strapped to me but it was really good . Would I order it again ? Absolutely ! Without supervision ? Probably not . Dinner was a lot of fun talking , laughing and getting to know these great Taiwanese women who had both heard of couchsurfing - how crazy is that ? We laughed so hard over the impression we had made before coming and the fact that we forgot our camera when we showed up to pick up Ehren that I actually woke him up from his nap . It 's like friends away from home . We are the first family that has been here and not jetlagged so we are getting to hang out with the staff a lot more which I think is so important to the experience . Besides couchsurfing we also had the scooter in common . They have Vino scooters over here and Sansan just thought it was great that Joshua and I drive a scooter like they do since that is so rare in the US . High five for not being jet lagged and having a scooter ! Ehren took the best nap ever ( you know in the last 2 days ) so we stopped by this thing on our way home : Taitung has a lot of aboriginal tribes in it . I thought they had something to do with this but turns out it is a Toaism thing . This is a show for one of their gods to watch . There is some important festival starting tomorrow and so they erect these things all around the city to entertain the gods . Three stories . Animatronics . Sounds . Lights . All night . Outside ouPosted by Growing up I was called the dog 's name more times than I was called my siblings ' name . I understand the tendency but after being away from " Austin the Dog " for 3 weeks I didn 't think we 'd slip into it so quickly . Turns out seven years makes quite a habit . As a matter of reference for all involved here is how we are going to tell them apart : Austin hates baths - Ehren loves them . Austin barks at people she doesn 't know - Ehren smiles . Austin is cool to sleep for 8 to 10 hours - Ehren is NOT . Austin hates traveling - Ehren seems to be fitting into the Fykes world traveling quite well . And the most obvious . . . Austin has white hair - Ehren has black . Should be simple . This is one loved kid . I mean he has fabulous parents but you should have seen the special mothers who have cared for him the last six months . They had written him cards , had gifts for him and couldn 't stop balling and telling us how much they were going to miss him . By the time we left everyone but Ehren was crying . The way it works at Hannah 's Hope is there are 3 shifts and in each shift the child has the same caregiver . That means he had 3 people who cared for him specially while they were there . The start that Hannah 's Hope gave Ehren is unlike you see in normal orphanages and we will be forever thankful for the love and care he received in Taitung from his special mothers . I can 't wait to show him the notes and cards that everyone gave him . Show him the videos of everyone telling us exactly how he likes to nap / eat / play . And most importantly I can 't wait to bring him back here to see what a fabulous place he lived in for the first six months . After leaving Hannah 's Hope we spent some time buying the things we think we need for a baby . We 'll see if we were right . We 'll probably spend some time tonight googling stuff . Like do we need baby powder ? What is baby oil for ? You know crucial parenting knowledge . Most of the day he was happy and playing but we had a small issue with a nap that I think he would label a catastrophe and that meant the rest of the day he wasn 't his bubbly self . It made for quite an interesting situation at the restaurant where we tried to eat dinner . Are they staring at us because we are Westerners with a Taiwanese baby or because we are Westerners with a screaming Taiwanese baby ? We 'll never know ! In case you didn 't get that he said " Can 't wait to meet y ' all . " You just didn 't catch it because it was in Taiwanese . Love you all ! Guess what it 's doing in Taipei ? That 's right it 's raining . Though even with the rain this place is great . I think we 'll have no trouble coming back here and having a great time once Ehren is older . God willing everything goes so smoothly with AIT that we won 't have time to even scratch the surface of Taipei which will leave us plenty to do on our next trip . The only difficulty is that everything is in Chinese and almost nothing is in English . Thailand was a breeze because 80 % of everything was translated . I can 't imagine this being the first international city you ever visit . For us it just means a much greater sense of accomplishment when you figure something out . We were able to buy our train tickets to Taitung and make a payphone call to the person meeting us when we arrive . . . all without any English . You would have thought we had negotiated peace between two unstable governments . It makes travel feel new and exciting . One other thing of note is everyone is in winter coats here . I don 't exactly know the temperature but I 'm in short sleeves and in a really crowded place I still sweat . I know it gets very hot here so this is their winter temperature but a fur lined jacket ? Really ? We only brought Ehren short sleeves so we may have to find him a jacket . While we stopped for some ice cream there was a little girl sleeping on the bench next to us . She was probably a year old and Joshua and I just stared at her . Her mom was probably keeping an eye on us thinking we were going to try to grab her and run . Don 't think the idea didn 't cross our minds . I 'm having trouble sleeping I just can 't wait to get Ehren . Tomorrow is the train ride and then Monday is the big day . I don 't know exactly the time but if you think about it on Sunday night probably 8 or 9 send some prayers our way that everything goes smoothly for Ehren . This is going to be a pretty traumatic experience to be ripped from the only people he has known and given to these strangers who smell and sound funny . If all the adults in this metropolitan city stare at Posted by Today is our last morning in Thailand , we catch a flight from Bangkok to Taipei shortly . Thailand has left a great taste in our mouth , we will definitely be returning . The people are the most hospitable we 've encountered anywhere , and we have a new appreciation for Thai cuisine . We 've also gotten to experience two very distinct seasons in the life of tourism here . . . Low Season and High Season . When we first got to Bangkok it was low season . It was oppressively hot and humid , but there weren 't very many tourists . Now , two weeks later in Bangkok it 's like a switch got flipped . The temperature has dropped to the 80s and the tourist population has tripled . November 1st apparently really is the date . That 's when everyone knows to hit Thailand . I would say being here right at the change has been perfect but if you want a comfortable trip with a little higher price tag and you don 't mind crowds I say wait until November . It 's hard to believe it has only been about two weeks since we left Nashville . Tiffany wants Dr . Pepper pretty badly but other than that we could stay here for much longer . We 're only three days out from picking up Ehren in Taitung and the excitement is starting to be too much . While we 're in Taipei our task is to find 18 gifts for him , so we have something from Taiwan each year for his birthday . Wish us luck ! Our last day on the islands gave us a short reprieve from the rain . And when I say short I mean just long enough for me to be totally toasted . We continued on our quest of relaxation but we were able to snap a few photos without the rain . The only thing missing is that you can 't see the emerald water . This should just whet your appetite to vacation at Thailand 's beaches - we don 't want to take away all the surprises . La Laanta is by far the most amazing place we 've seen on the beach . Ideal honeymoon place and seems very family friendly as well . Tell your friends ! Right now the locals say it is very rare to have this much rain in Koh Lanta . Its the beginning of high season which means the sun should be shining and the hotel prices sky rocket . We are good on paying twice what we paid last night but is has been two days without the sun . Cloudy is one thing but it has been raining for two days as well . Actually there is now flooding in the southern part of Thailand . It just follows us around . More than anything it makes for a miserable beach retreat for everyone who has made the journey south in Thailand . For us it is a nice change . It leaves us with nothing to do but talk , spend time together and sleep which is probably exactly what we need right now . On Monday our family will expand from two to three . Ours days will no longer be ours and the reality of our new jobs raising a little boy will be upon us . We will no longer think 7am is an early morning and everything about how we live our life will slow and change . Are we ready ? Probably not . Does that make us any less anxious to get our hands on his already six month old head ? Not in the least . I think all this rain is just for Joshua and I to relish in the seven and a half years it has just been the two of us while getting us rested and unbelievably ready to go get Ehren . On our flight to Phuket we sat in front of a couple American guys - our first encounter with Americans . We 're at the back of the plane waiting to get off and I decide to introduce myself , ask where they 're from etc . etc . Mike & Sam are old friends from LA / San Fran and come to find out they 're heading to Phi Phi - the island we 're heading for as well . So I say " hey you want to split a cab to the pier and catch a boat together ? " At this point we all knew we missed the last ferry , but we didn 't know that it was going to be extortionist pricing to get a private boat . After weighing all the options we decided to bite the bullet . We found another couple that was " in the same boat " ( sorry , had to ) that made the final price 18 , 000 baht ( $ 642 ) for six people . . . . . . . . . for a 45 minute boat ride . . . . . . in a country where your hotel room is $ 35 . It took them 30 minutes to gas up the boat and by that time we were over the disappointment of the price and looking at the bright side : We get an awesome private boat ride right ? Not so much . More than an hour later all of us and our bags had been drenched and we were sufficiently beat up by the choppy water . We did get a great view of the sunset and Phi Phi at night as we came into the pier . Oh but we didn 't get to dock at the pier . Nope . They anchored and we waded into shore . With our bags . For $ 107 / person . It was our Phi Phi walk of shame . Upside is the first Americans we met turned out to be great beach partners and we had more than a few laughs over the whole experience " On a Boat . " We also decided the boat ride had bound us together . Although we slept at different places we ate together , scubaed together and hung out until they left this morning . Also for your information scuba makes snorkeling seem like a joke . Seriously , it changes how you view open water . We will now always wonder what we could be seeing down below . We also can 't wait to get certified and do more dives . Is there scuba for babies ? Our Scottish dive instructor Gareth was a character and a great teacher . We did two dives with a lunch break in Maya Bay at Phi Phi Leh ( " The Beach " ) Amazing . Honestly , the only reason we decided to dive was how helpful the dive instructor was when we had arrived after dark with our bags and were looking for hotel on our Phi Phi walk of shame . Taking a lesson just seemed like the best way to compensate him . If the boat ride was for nothing more than to meet our new American friends and learn how much we love scuba it is well worth the price of admission . Posted by
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I am not referring to a high - ranking government official or a school board member , a celebrity , or an athlete . . . . no , I 've got a friend , and he works at the car repair shop and that , my friend , is the best place to have a friend . While Brad was in Alaska , I decided it was time to get my oil changed . I also decided to switch car shops because we weren 't so happy where we had been going . So upon the recommendation of a friend , I chose another particular shop close to my house . Little did I know I have a neighbor - friend that works there - and boy , is he helping us out ! We 've been in twice now , once for the oil change and yesterday for brake work , and he gave us a discount both times . And not just a teeny tiny one either . It 's a deep enough discount that makes me think I need to bake this man some cookies or take him and his wife out to dinner or cut his grass for him or fall down on the ground and bow at his feet . Okay , maybe not . But I am going to do something nice for him ' cuz he is certainly being nice to us ! Posted by Yes , I stole the title from Tangled . But in fact Saturday was one of our best days ever or at least the best day we 've had in a really long time . For months we 've been coordinating with three college friends ( well , they are more Brad 's friends but I claim them as my own ) to meet back at MSU and attend a football game . Getting three families together to do anything can sometimes be a logistical nightmare , but we were all determined not to let anything stop us . Except bed rest , I suppose . One of the spouse 's could not make the trip due to a pregnancy , but that 's a valid excuse . We left the kiddos with my parents and headed up to Starkville . We were the first to arrive since we had the shortest drive to get there so we rode around campus a little bit . Then I went to see Hannah in her dorm . Walking into the lobby of that dorm I was made keenly aware of the fact that dorms have come a long , long way . No cement block walls , no community bathrooms , it 's more like a really , really nice hotel than a dorm . A very secure , quiet hotel , in a great part of a great neighborhood . The kind of hotel you don 't want to leave . I have to say though , the dorm room itself was still the size of a regular old dorm room . They don 't have any extra space than we did in the olden days , but the space they have is definitely nicer / newer . After I left Hannah 's dorm , we went to The Lodge where we met up with Kelly , his wife Kari , and Sean , and Sean 's 7 - year - old son Jackson . Kelly and Sean and Brad all lived together at Farmhouse Fraternity . After lots of State paraphenalia was purchased , we loaded up in the truck for lunch at Little Dooey 's , the bestest b - b - q joint in Starkville . L to R : Sean , Brad , Kelly We stayed there so long we considered ordering again , but decided to leave and move on with the d y . With it being a game day , you could not get into a parking lot for free so we all had to pitch in to pay for parking at Farmhou e . Once there , the guys reminiscing kicked into high ge r . Sean , looking like he 's moving back in . The guys finding themselves and others in the composites and sharing stori s . The guy in the green shirt and khakis is currently living at FH and was entertained by the " old guys " coming back and telling him how it was in the " good old day . " We couldn 't go back to FH and not play a pick - up ga e . Only this time it would probably be a " pick - me - up - off - the - ground " ga e . The guys couldn 't quite move around the court like they used We left FarmHouse and headed onto campus , accidentally happening upon the players and coaches making their way to the Field Hou e . You could feel the excitement in the air , and I held up my camera and starting clicki g . The guy in the suit is Dan Mull n . I almost cut his head off , but I think you can still tell that 's h m . This was one of my favorites parts of the day because I 've never been on campus to experience this part of Game D y . The players and coaching walking by , the band playing , cowbells ringing , it was pretty cool ! The group outside the Union . Thanks to my college roommate for making the walk across campus to come visit us in the Union AND for offering to take a picture of us all together ! After eating in the Union ( which by the way , is NOTHING like it was when we were there ) it was finally time to head to the stadium . Poor little Jackson had waited all day to actually see some football . The rest of the stuff ( i . e . , hearing adults yap and yap ) was very boring to him . He wanted to see some action on the field , and it was finally time ! The view from our walk up the ramps to our seats . Campus never looks more beautiful than from up here . . . . We won the football game - in overtime - but it wasn 't a very good game for the Dawgs . We should have won outright , but hey , I guess a win 's a win . We 'll take it . Anyway , the game was secondary to the experience we had just all being there together . These are some standup guys and I feel privileged to call them friends ( awwww . . . . . ) We pledged to not wait so long until we all get together again , even spoke briefly about making this an annual trip ! ? ! As a fitting end to a fun - filled day we saw this as we were leaving campus : Don 't you miss college life ? Thanks guys for a wonderful , wonderful day ! My cheeks have just now stopped hurting from all the laughing ! Love y ' all ! On the way home from Alabama last week , a frustrating thing happened . I want to share it with you wives out there and see if you can sympathize or whether it 's just my husband that does this . It was late evening when we were leaving for the 5 - hour trip home . We had seen lots of family and friends at the funeral home and even though the occasion was a sad one , it was good to see everyone . About 30 minutes or so into the trip , Brad realized he had missed a text message from his mother . She simply said , " call Larry * , he wants to talk to you . " ( * name changed , :) ) Now the back story on Larry is that he is a long - time family friend , specifically , he is my in - laws realtor . Yes , their realtor is a close , close friend , and if you 've ever heard Brad rattle off all the addresses he lived at through the years he lived at home , you would understand . We joked that when his parents moved to Mississippi , Larry and his wife would have to close shop because their business had moved Westward . But no worries , my in - laws are back in Alabama , and I believe his realty business is back stronger than ever . So even though Larry is a close friend to Brad 's parents , he 's never called and specifically asked for Brad . Larry and his wife have been good to us over the years , they helped find us a realtor in the Jackson area when we moved here from Louisiana those many , many years ago , and we send each other Christmas cards , but personal phone calls just aren 't in the scope of our friendship , ya know ? So this piqued our curiousity . Why was he wanting to talk to Brad ? Brad and I discussed it for several miles . We even texted his mother back to see if she had a clue what he wanted . No , she said , no clue . He simply asked if we were out of town yet and to call him as soon as we could . So we discussed it some more and could come up with nothing . Did he want to talk about something personal ? something business - related ? something serious ? something not - so - serious ? " Just call him ! " I said . But I didn 't know if Brad would call him back or not , because Brad 's just funny that way . If it would have been me , I would 've been calling the second I got the text but not Brad . He has to think about the message and perhaps altogether ignore it . We stopped somewhere between there and here at a truck stop . It was dark and we were tired . I had almost forgotten about the whole " call Larry " conversation until I walked out of the truck stop and saw Brad on his cell phone . Okay , he called Larry , and I couldn 't wait to find out what he wanted ! There were also lots of yeahs and okays and uh - huhs scattered throughout . My mind was trying to piece together what the heck they were talking about . I thought as soon as Brad hung up I would find out . But I thought wrong . When the conversation was over , Brad put down his I - phone , adjusted the air conditioner vents and his pillow , laid his head back , and was bedding down . Not a word . So there I was trying to decide whether or not to ask the obvious question or wait it out and see if Brad would ever tell me what the conversation was about . After several , several miles of silence I couldn 't take it anymore . And no kidding , I broke the ice by saying , " I know what my next post is going to be about . " To which he asked , " What ? " to which I said , " husbands that do not share phone calls with their wives . " Now , let me just say a couple of things : First , I know my husband , and I know that he could have and would have ridden all the way home without telling me one word of their conversation . Second , I know me , and I know sometimes I get nosy curious and want to know who he is texting or talking to and ( sue me ) what they are talking about . I have gotten better at this over the years however . Now I try not to even ask and figure he will eventually tell me if it is something I need to know about . But there 's no guarantee with him that he will EVER tell me , so sometimes I 'm forced to ask . Back in the car , I explained to him that I don 't want to know or need to know about his every conversation , but this was a special case wasn 't it ? Had we not just spent many minutes and miles discussing what Larry could possibly have wanted ? Had it not gotten the both of us curious ? For him to just hang up and go to sleep was beyond my comprehension , but he swore he doesn 't do it on purpose to keep me in the dark , and yes , he reminded me that I didn 't ask . What . Ever . Open your mouth and speak , dude . So here 's my question . Have I got the only husband in the world who can have a full - length telephone conversation in front of his wife , then hang up , and not utter one single , itty bitty word about the conversation ? And should this drive me as crazy as it does ? ( Okay , that 's two questions ) While I 'm asking questions , here 's a few more . I know you guys aren 't huge commenters , but I really , really would like your opinion on this . With all the new technology , how much " privacy " do you give your spouse ? Do you always know who they are texting ? Is it rude to ask ? Is it okay to read their texts ? Does it offend you when your spouse asks you who you are texting ? What is the etiquette on this ? Any opinions ? Brad took the kids to the library yesterday evening and since my husband is obsessed with all things music , he came home with CDs , not books . To my surprise he had Brad Paisley 's new CD This is Country Music . I was surprised since the library usually doesn 't have new releases for checkout ! We had never listened to an entire Brad Paisley CD before , and to be honest , I 've never considered him one of my faves , sometimes his songs can be a little , well , goofy . That 's just what he 's known for , or I thought that 's what he was known for . Maybe I was wrong . Brad put this CD into his laptop and I 'm not kiddin ' ya , by the end of it we were both crying . Well , I was crying and Brad was close to crying . Yes , there are some goofy songs on there , like " Don 't Drink The Water " and the one I 'm gonna share with you below . But for the most part these songs tackle some serious issues and yes , there are some seriously romantic songs on there too . Even if you do not think you are a country music fan , I guarantee this CD could change your mind . It 's that good . There 's a little something for everyone . And there was something especially special for Gogurt . We almost couldn 't believe our ears when we listened to the following song . It is Gogurt 's theme song of life . He wears camouflage at some point in every single day . Yes , it 's annoying to me as his mother because he looks handsome in so many different colors , but his favorite color is . . . . . . . . Okay , if camouflage is patriotic , I guess won 't fuss at Gogurt too much for wearing it EVERY SINGLE DAY . ( P . S . Go get this CD ) Labor Day Weekend we went to Alabama to visit my in - laws . It was a great visit until the rain came . It set in Sunday about 1 o ' clock and never let up . It was the Tropical Storm , whose name escapes me at the moment , so we knew it was coming . At least we had a couple days of good outdoorsy weather . Unfortunately , on the ENTIRE drive home it rained cats and dogs . It took us 7 hours to make a 5 1 / 2 hour trip . But God got us home safely and we breathed a big sigh of relief when we walked through the door . We had our OCC Kickoff at church ( see Jennifer 's blog ) and it went extremely well . Hearing a personal testimony from someone who had been handed a shoebox as a child really made an impression on me , and I hope it also made one on my children . We all take so much for granted . Saturday was a wonderful day as my mother , my sister and her two daughters came down and went to lunch with Poptart and me . We went to Brent 's ( as seen in the movie The Help ) and had a really good time . It has been a long , long time since just " the girls " went out . Of course , the only boy in the family , not counting spouses , is Gogurt , but he didn 't seem to mind staying home with his daddy . Especially after they made a plan to go to their very first Gun & Knife Show . I hear Gogurt walked around drooling over swords , guns , and various sorts of other weapons . He came home with a grenade and a pouch to put it in . ( inactive of course ! ) As life seems to remind me , along with good times comes bad ones . We received a call Saturday that there had been a death in the family , and so we made plans to return to Alabama for a funeral . My mother volunteered to spend 2 nights at our house so the kids would not have to miss school . That was a big , big blessing since otherwise I probably would have had to stay home and miss the funeral . We returned home late Tuesday night . I stayed home Wednesday to type and boy did I ever type . Since switching to this new system , turnaround time has slowed down for lots of us , and we are all having to pitch in extra hours to catch up on all the work . I think the latest e - mail I received said there is 25 hours of dictation on the system . I believe there are 40 transcriptionists , but that 's still alot considering the doctors do not take a day off from dictating so we can get " caught up . " It 's never - ending ! Tonight is Thursday and MSU plays LSU . On ESPN . We are bracing for a defeat ( did anyone see the heartbreaker at Auburn ? How do you spell deja vu ? ) Brad swears he is not watching the game - says he is in no emotional state to do so . I agree . I plan on watching , but I 'm begging , begging the Bulldogs to at least play well ( notice I didn 't say win ) . Oh and did you know State has canceled classes today ? ! ? Since when do they cancel classes for a football game ? That 's crazy if you ask me . Yes , I think professors of night classes or nighttime labs should have canceled so the kids could make it to the game , but to cancel an 8 o ' clock - in - the - morning class for a night football game ? Believe me , if I was a student or if I worked on campus , I 'm sure I would think it was a wonderful , brilliant idea ! Well , September promised to be a busy month and it has definitely not disappointed . Have a good day , thanks for reading , love y ' all . . . . . . I could take the time to post about how the " change " is going at work , but I really don 't have time ' cuz I need to be working at this moment . However , I will say that after a somewhat nightmarish , " I 'm - going - to - quit - my - job " weekend , I am feeling a tad bit better now . And so as not to bore you any further with my work stories , I will provide you with a little humor today . Check out the article linked below talking about a certain disorder . I believe I grew up with a big sister who might can relate , and I believe I live with a man right now that can definitely relate . Click Here to read about it . Read it and see if you know anyone who suffers from it ! Maybe you do . . . . I do not like change . Or do I ? About 2 years ago , I began hearing " rumblings " about a change in our transcription company . " It 's gonna make your life SOOO much better , " they said . Well , time came and time went and no changes were made . There were small changes , in preparation for the big change , but nothing that caused me great pause . It took so long for this change to be implemented that I at times wondered if it was actually going to happen at all . Then I would receive an e - mail assuring all the transcriptionists it was in fact still coming . And it has . We are going live on the new system tomorrow morning . After all that time waiting , why does it feel so fast ? ! ? After my first 2 - hour conference call on how to use the new system , I have to admit , I felt old and left behind . I can understand why older people leave jobs ' cuz it went computerized and they don 't even know how to turn on a computer . I know how to turn mine on , and I definitely know how to find my way around a keyboard , but this new program was blowing my mind . . . . It changes everything , how we pull our work , how we do our work , how we check our work , how we submit our work , and how we get paid for our work . The name of the company has even changed ! Nothing , and I mean nothing , is the same . ( Except of course the doctors are still humans and they are still dictating sick human patients ) . However , if the program works the way it 's supposed to , I 'm starting to see how it will benefit the transcriptionists . Less work makes time for more work . What that means is I will have to spend less time doing things I don 't get paid for and have more time for the work I actually do get paid for . Does that make sense ? In teacher terms , no more " busy work . " After a patient husband gave me a sit - down run - through of the program ( sad , he doesn 't even do this job and he understood the program better than I did , mostly because I was so afraid of messing something up and he wasnt afraid of that at all ) and after another 2 - hour conference call last night , I 'm feeling a little better . Dare I say even a little excited ? Am I nervous ? Heck yeah . I feel like I 'm starting this job all over again . . . . and I well remember my very first day to sit down at this computer and type a clinic note . Scary . But now I can almost do it in my sleep and oftentimes I know what the doctor is trying to say even before he gets the words out . One day , I 'm sure this new program will be old hat as well . Change stretches you , I guess . It 's good for you . It can even be beneficial for you . But after tomorrow , I 'm done with any more changes for the year . I mean it ! I can only handle one big change about every 6 months ! One a year is even better ! ( For the record , I 've been at this job for almost 9 years and this is the first major change we 've undergone so I can 't fuss too much ! ) This is my hubby Brad . He hates the heat , but chose a profession that is outdoors . He just completed his first year at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary . He is obtaining his M . Div with a minor in Missions . He has a passion for the ongoing mission work in Alaska and reminds me daily throughout the summer how nice the weather is in Kodiak . Gogurt , 11 years old . He loves to read . He is a kind - hearted child and can make friends easily . He enjoys reading , playing Army , playing the Wii , and reading some more . He 's growing up into a young man right before our eyes ! Poptart , 6 years old . Her favorite things to do are ride her bicycle , dance , and play with friends . At any moment during the day , she may be carrying a doll or wielding a light sabre . She is a girly girl but can hang tough with her brother . She is a sweetheart !
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Over the past seven years I 've traveled a lot . I 've covered about a dozen countries , several of them multiple times . I 've been to Ethiopia three times , South Sudan four times , and Kenya about ten or so . I 've stayed in cities , towns , villages , and some places so remote that when you try to enter it into Google earth , you get nothing . The great thing about being a missionary is that whenever possible , I 'm either staying with the locals , or at least somewhere very nearby . I 've seen all kinds of living conditions , from a family of six living in a 3 meter by 3 meter room , to relatively affluent people living in modern houses with soft furniture and satellite television . Having seen all that , what I 've learned is that poverty and wealth have very little to do with income . I learned this week that the average individual , non - mortgage debt in the United States right now is $ 37 , 000 . That 's the average of every person , not every family . One in ten have non - mortgage debt over $ 100 , 000 . That is a staggering figure . Now I realize that for some people this is medical debt , and there 's not much that can be done about that . But for a lot of people , it 's just lifestyle debt ; the desire to attain some fictitious standard that we 've either been told we need to achieve , or that we 've decided we owe to ourselves . It 's the latter that 's the most insidious thing . As we tell ourselves and our children that we can be and have anything we want , we seek to self - glorify ourselves through things . It is the end product of the hyper - individualistic American mindset . In the land where the winner is the one who accumulates , and the king is the one who accumulates more than anyone else , is it any wonder that we see success as having the most stuff ? Here 's the cruel irony . The inevitable end - product to individualistic self - glorification is that we eventually become a slave to someone else . Don 't believe me ? Which of the following two people is richer ? An Ethiopian who makes enough money to put a simple roof over his head , feed his wife and children , and is content with his life , or an American making $ 75 , 000 a year with a mortgage that is going to take 30 years to pay off , student loans that don 't disappear even if he goes bankrupt , two car loans , and a year 's income worth of credit card debt ? Who sleeps better ? What good is having stuff if at any moment the bank can call in all my loans ? Who has better security , if such a thing exists ? I write this today not as a condemning measure , but because for many of us , our paradigm is that this is the way it has to be . I 'm here to tell you that it 's not , and in fact most of the world does not do it this way . Wealth is not just having a lot of things , it is also not having the things you don 't need . 1 Thessalonians 4 : 11 - 12 says , " make it your ambition to lead a quiet life : You should mind your own business and work with your hands , just as we told you , so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody . " For those of us who have chosen to make missions our lifestyle , this is doubly important . Hebrews 12 : 1 says , " let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us , and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us . " I can 't think of a bigger encumbrance than $ 37 , 000 of consumer debt . How can we be a servant of God , when we are already a slave to the bank ? How can we give our time when our time is already spoken for to pay for our debts ? Simple living is a virtue . I want to challenge us to learn from the African who lives simply , but enjoys his family and every blessing that God gives him . It 's not too late . May 7 , 2017All things about Travel in Africa , Photography , travelAfrica , ethiopia , Harar Ethiopia , Petros Network , petrosnetwork , Photography , photojournalism , travel in Africa , Travel in Ethiopia , travel in third world countries , travel off the beaten path , travel photography , world travelwollwerthimagery Normally I don 't put two photography - only blogs nearly back to back . However , there were simply too many pictures from the last trip to include in my April post , so here is another . Plus , my thoughts on other subjects are still ruminating . So rather than work on getting my disheveled thoughts into a proper order , I 've decided to be lazy and put pictures up instead . Judging by the number of people that look at my blog when it 's only pictures , that seems to be what people want anyway . So here are more pictures from my trip to Ethiopia last month . May 3 , 2017My thoughts on all things missions related . , UncategorizedAfrica , Christian Missions , Christianity , Church , faith , God , life transformation , Miracles , petrosnetwork , Religion and Spirituality , spiritual discernment , travel in south sudan , travel off the beaten path , travel photography , when God moves , when you can 't seen God moving , world travelwollwerthimagery In October 2014 I was in the living room of an Ethiopian pastor in a very remote region of the Ethiopian highlands . He had three or four other pastors staying with him from out of town . We were having a prayer meeting , and I was kneeling at a chair . If you every get a chance to join Ethiopian Christians in prayer , do it . They will show you how to pray . A normally stoic people suddenly become animated and full of emotion as they come before the one on whom they can lay their burdens and thank for their triumphs . As we prayed , one of the pastors started speaking over me . Through another person who could speak English fairly well , he said that God would give me new skills that I would wear like ear rings , and that God would use me not only in Ethiopia and South Sudan and Kenya , but throughout the world . What he didn 't know was that just months before , I was unsure I would even be involved in missions anymore . I had come out of an unhealthy relationship with another organization , and I could see no clear path ahead . It was one of the most discouraging times of my life . I felt as if the work I had done had been for nothing , especially since each time I went to South Sudan things continued to get worse . It 's one thing to not see results from your work , but it 's another thing entirely to see entropy overtake your efforts . Now my relationship with that organization was done . To top it off , civil war started back up almost as soon as I left South Sudan for the last time . The town I had been visiting had been burned to the ground , and one of our good friends there had been killed , and the rest of our friends had either fled or were suffering . I began to praying regularly that I would see God move . Now I realize that God was under no obligation to answer this prayer . I can 't remember where it says it , but there 's something written in the Bible to the effect that many of the prophets never lived to see the results of their work . I 'm part of a Kingdom that 's greater than myself and lasts longer than myself ( eternity is always greater than finite time ) . Consequently , though I may see God move , He 's under no obligation to show me that movement . Then I went to Ethiopia , and it was like I was standing in the book of acts . God was moving in such powerful ways . He was moving in miracles and healings , in events that I hesitate to even write about because the reader who hasn 't seen these things would likely dismiss them . But as a pastor I was interviewing recently said , " To us the healing and miracles are common . What is amazing to us is what God does in a man when he is saved from the life he was in . " The long and the short of it is , I got to see God move . I got my prayer answered . Now back to what the Ethiopian pastor spoke over me . When I first got involved in missions , I saw my only purpose as photography and documentation . Although I still do that , and I will likely have that as a large part of my ministry for a long time , those other skills have been developing . I have been getting better at writing . I have been getting better at teaching and being an advocate for what I 'm passionate about . I know how to lead a missions team now . Some friends and I have started a non profit organization called Bright Wings for the purpose of spreading the gospel and allowing others to fulfill their callings . Next year I will likely go to a country to which I haven 't been , that unfortunately I probably will not be able to write about , at least not directly . Sometimes it seems like life is standing still and that nothing is moving . But then when I look back , I see how much ground has been covered , and it 's truly staggering . My prayer to see God move was not answered in a one - time event , but in a lifestyle . That is how I got from there to here . April 6 , 2017All things about Travel in Africa , travel , UncategorizedAfrica , around the world in a day , Christian Missions , Istanbul , photojournalism , travel , Travel in Ethiopia , travel in third world countries , travel off the beaten path , travel photography , Traveling the world , Turkish Air , world travelwollwerthimagery I am now back from Ethiopia . My plan was to write at least a post or two from in the field . Unfortunately , a few days before I left , electronic devices in carry - on bags were restricted on flights from a number of middle - east airports including one I would be traveling through . This meant that I was going to have to check my iPad in my luggage . Due to experiences some of my fellow travelers have had with airport workers with sticky fingers , I opted not to bring any more expensive gear than was absolutely necessary . Though I would have liked to have been able to write from the field , by best thoughts on the things I 've seen and experienced when I travel often come not during , but weeks or even months afterward . I need time to process and ruminate on things . I took a couple thousand pictures and hours of video on this trip , and looking at those will also help me to put things together . If my writing seems a bit off , it 's because I 'm still jet lagged . I was up for almost 48 hours straight this time coming home , due to the schedule and some very uncomfortable flights . ( I truly hate middle seats ) . I traveled a different airline this time than I have before , Turkish Air to be specific . I had some initial trepidation about flying this airline , but after the experience I can honestly say I would do it again . The food , by airline food standards , was actually pretty good . Furthermore , I had an eight hour layover in Istanbul on the way home . Turkish Air , though they don 't seem to advertise it , will give you a free tour of the city with a guide on a nice bus if you have a long layover . We opted to do this , and I 've got to say that Istanbul is a fantastic city to visit . At least the parts that I visited were modern and clean , but full of ancient historic sights everywhere . So the long and the short of it is this . I had lunch in Eastern Ethiopia , dinner in Addis Ababa , Turkish coffee in Istanbul , then I flew to New York where I had pizza in Brooklyn with a very old friend . In Istanbul I was able to see Asia across the water as I drank my coffee . All told it took about thirty six hours , but from leaving Africa to landing in New York was about 24 hours . It was not the most relaxing way to travel , but it was an adventure , and I was able to add Turkey to the list of countries I 've been to . March 20 , 2017All things about Travel in Africa , My thoughts on all things missions related . , travelAfrica , African culture , Christian Missions , cultural paradigms , cultures , ethiopia , faith , Kenya , learning about yourself , life transformation , missions , Petros Network , South Sudan , travel , Travel in Ethiopia , world travelwollwerthimagery In four days I leave for Ethiopia . This will be my third trip to Ethiopia . I 've also been to South Sudan four times , and I 'm not even sure how many times I 've been to Kenya . Every country I 've been to , and every city , and every village has been different in some way or another . Cultures are different . Tribes are different . Nations that border each other have vastly different characters and cultures . I 'm only talking about East Africa . I haven 't even been to central or West Africa , and only passed through South Africa . I hear so many people say , " We are so blessed here . We have so much we take for granted . " Having traveled to the places I 've been , I know how true that statement is . I also realize how little the people saying it realize what they 're saying . If you take something for granted , then by definition you do not understand what it is that you either have or do not have . It 's easy to say , " We have so much , " because that 's the more obvious observation one can make , but it doesn 't mean you understand poverty . There is so much depth to what we don 't understand that I can 't describe it without taking someone with me and letting them experience it for themselves . There is so much more than , " We have so much . " There are cultural things we have so engrained within us that we have no understanding of how other cultures think . Each time I go , I understand a little more , and I realize more how much I don 't understand . The observation of " We have so much " also belies our idea that our culture is somehow superior to other cultures , because we see them as having so little , while having little understanding of what we lack within our own culture . What are the divorce rates within American culture ? How much of this " We have so much " is actually things we don 't need that get in the way of family relationships and friendships ? How many families have been broken up because we had a choice of either building a legacy with our spouse or children , but we chose instead that a career was important and having a nicer car than our neighbor ? How many of us have heart disease , cancer , gout , high blood pressure , diabetes , and obesity because we are " rich " ? While most Africans would be considered poor in our eyes , it 's not always because they lack basic necessities . Rather it 's because our idea of " richness " is so monetarily based that we fail to see our own poverty . I know many Africans that have a legacy that I can only dream of . There are so many other things we take for granted that I could get into , but I fear that it would only evoke a deer - in - the - headlights look in many readers . I say this not to be demeaning or to look down on people . It 's because I 've been there . It 's fairly easy to describe some ways of doing things that are different , but it 's virtually impossible to describe the different ways people think . Which brings me back to the beginning . If you ever have the chance to do missions , by all means go . Get to know the people one on one . Build relationships . You 'll find you learn just as much what you didn 't know about yourself as you do about them . March 15 , 2017All things about Travel in Africa , Photography , travel , UncategorizedAfrica , travel , travel in Africawollwerthimagery In a week I leave for Ethiopia . I often write my thoughts and post pictures as I 'm in the field , and it 's best to work any bugs out of the system before I 'm there . There are no gorillas in Ethiopia , but this one I took a picture of last week is helping me today as I test software to help with my internet connection when I 'm overseas . In the next week or so , you should be seeing pictures from my trip . January 11 , 2017My thoughts on all things missions related . , UncategorizedAfrica , Christian Missions , Christianity , humanitarianism , leading a missions team , life transformation , paternalism in missions , Religion and Spirituality , travel in Africawollwerthimagery What is a missionary ? This is a question that my wife and I pose when we teach a class on missions . We get a variety of answers . Everything from teaching to building churches to giving food to the poor ; the list goes on for a while . I think the answers we come up with come from both the roles we 've seen others take , but also from how we see our relationship between those who are going and those we are going to see . I 'd like to relay a story from a good friend of mine that I believe sums up the latter very effectively . I have a friend that moved a long way from her family . She rarely saw them because of the distance , just once a year or so . She was bothered by the fact that her kids were not growing up knowing their grandparents very well . With the limited time available each year for them to see each other , she considered the time very valuable for her parents and kids to spend quality time together . Her parents , on the other hand , would come to visit and were always concerned with what projects they could do . Despite her effort to get them to spend time with their grandchildren , they always somehow diverted to working on some project around the house . After a while , she finally gave up trying to get them to stop , and instead found herself focusing on trying to find them projects to do . Her parents never seemed to believe that she was content with the way things were , so to bide their time she sometimes found herself coming up with projects that were neither important to her nor actually needed to be done . Her parents were acting out of love , but they were also acting out of paternalism , which had traditionally been their role , but was one that never changed when their daughter got married and moved out . She appreciated their effort , but wished that they would take some of that time to strengthen the family bonds . Now let 's travel to South Sudan and see how similar the story is . We went to visit a church plant we were supporting . I showed up a day before the other missionaries , so I had some time to talk to the local indigenous pastor . He told me about how important it would be for us to go visit one of the new churches they 'd planted in a more remote area . In fact , he made this point several times over the next day or two . The next day the other missionaries showed up , and noticed that the gravity shower we had built on a previous trip was broken . The water tank was cracked . Fixing this became the first item of attention , and a significant amount of time and money were spent doing this . In fact , so much money was spent that we didn 't have enough left to be able to visit the church plant that was so important to the pastor there . The fact was , that the water tank had cracked because it rarely had water in it , and as the broiling South Sudan sun would bare down on the empty tank , it cracked . It simply wasn 't that important to them when it was built , and it wasn 't that important to them when we fixed it . They wanted to build relationships , we wanted to build STUFF . This relationship also had more than a sprinkling of paternalism . A paternalistic relationship says , " I 'm from the rich country and I know what 's good for you better than you do . " I learned a lot from that trip . Thinking about it made me think of the Apostle Paul 's missionary journeys , as well as those of the other Apostles . What was the purpose of those journeys ? There are so many answers to that question found in the New Testament that I 'm not even going to narrow it down to any particular verses . They include evangelism , teaching , encouraging the body of Christ , dealing with problems within the churches , discipleship , raising up new leadership , and in one case taking up a collection to help another church that was in a region dealing with famine . Not once was the purpose to do projects . I understand that there are times when this is necessary , but if we go in with the attitude of " what can we build ? " we frequently and completely miss out on the more important purpose of being there . That purpose is to expand the kingdom of God and to promote unity within the Church . There is no Western Church and developing world church , there is only the Church . We need to be aware that a Church is people , and not buildings and stuff . As it says in Acts 7 , " However , the Most High does not live in houses made by human hands . As the prophet says : “ ' Heaven is my throne , and the earth is my footstool . What kind of house will you build for me ? " This is hard for Western missionaries , particularly Americans , to grasp . We are a very task oriented culture . We know that when we go somewhere , particularly if it 's a short - term missions trip , we have a limited time and we feel like we need to have something tangible to show for it . Most of the rest of the world though , considers relationships to be far more important . We need to keep this in the forefront of our mind when we go to see our brothers and sisters overseas . That project may be really important to you , but if it 's not important to them , you 're really not doing any good . December 19 , 2016My thoughts on all things missions related . , UncategorizedAfrica , Christ , Christian , Christian Missions , Christianity , engaging the enemy , faith , life transformation , missions , Petros Network , Religion and Spirituality , Spiritual warfare , the armor of God , the shield of faith , unreached people , world missionswollwerthimagery As this year comes to a close and I assess all that has happened with missions and travel , I am reminded of the spiritual warfare that has happened throughout the year . I realize that all things work out for the good of those who love the Lord , but that doesn 't mean that the trials are any easier . Only as I learn more and experience more , I worry about it less and less . I am no longer blind - sided by it as much . I am still continually surprised by the ways in which it shows up , but it 's timing can be almost always timed down to the day shortly before something big is supposed to be happening . As I start counting down the days before I go to Ethiopia again , I can expect more warfare . Lately I have been reading The Pilgrim 's Progress by John Bunyan . It 's been decades since I last picked this up , and I am enjoying it if nothing more than for the word pictures it contains that give clarity to a lot of abstract concepts . During my pondering about this book , the subject of the armor of God came up . We find the subject of the armor of God in Ephesians 6 : 10 - 18 . " Finally , my brethren , be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might . Put on the whole armor of God , that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil . For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood , but against principalities , against powers , against the rulers of the darkness of this age , against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places . Therefore take up the whole armor of God , that you may be able to withstand in the evil day , and having done all , to stand . Stand therefore , having girded your waist with truth , having put on the breastplate of righteousness , and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace ; above all , taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one . And take the helmet of salvation , and the sword of the Spirit , which is the word of God ; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit , being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints . " The thing that occurred to me when I read it this time that I had never noticed before was the choice of armor ; helmet , shield , sword , breastplate , etc , and specifically what they have in common . The thing they all have in common is that they are only effective when you are facing and engaging with the enemy . A Christian who either has his back to the enemy or has not engaged the enemy has lost . God gives us the tools with which to fight , but we have to decide whether to fight or not . I wanted to talk specifically about the shield . When the apostle Paul wrote this , he modeled the armor after the Roman legion , which used a large curved shield called a scutum . Our faith is that shield . It is what allows us to stand up to what the devil and the world throw at us and allows our faith not to be shaken . But it does more than that . The scutum not only protected from the flaming arrows of the enemy , but when the combat got close , its size allowed its bearer to knock the enemy back . I don 't think it 's any coincidence that this metaphor was chosen , because it 's only in the thick of spiritual warfare that we get close enough to knock the enemy back on his heels . James 4 : 7 completes the thought . " Submit yourselves therefore to God . Resist the devil , and he will flee from you . " This of course runs counter to our culture . We call ourselves Christians , but we refuse to engage the enemy . The evidence of this is in where we spend our missions dollars . 24 % of the world has never heard the gospel . Yet those areas receive 1 / 2 of one percent of our missions dollars , whereas 94 . 5 % goes to areas that are already filled with professing Christians . This makes absolutely no sense . Jesus said " Look , the fields are ripe for harvest , but the workers are few . " We keep going to the same fields that have already been harvested looking for a speck of grain that someone dropped , while the field next door , though harder to get to , has been completely ignored . Parents with children in the military are proud that their children are serving in conflict zones in Afghanistan or Iraq or elsewhere , but how many would send their children or go themselves to share the saving grace of God in those same areas ? We somehow think it 's less important , when nothing could be further from the truth . Someday the sun and moon will fall from the sky , and we 'll all be long gone . At that point the only thing that will matter is whether and how we engaged the enemy . Is it a harder way ? Yes . But as we see the world falling apart around us , don 't think the destruction that has fallen over Syria or Afghanistan or Yemen or Libya will fail to come to us simply because we failed to recognize that the enemy was not political factions but rather the prince of this world , the devil . We MUST engage the enemy , or we too are lost . I want to make one final point about the shield of faith . If faith is the substance of things hoped for , the evidence of things unseen , then we are taking something that cannot be seen and has no substance and turning it into substance and evidence , both of which are tangible things . It is only when we use faith , and faith becomes action , that action turns into something of substance . As James said , " show me your faith without action , and I will show you my faith by what I do . " The opportunities are there . We must have the courage to engage the enemy . As I wrote in my last blog , I am supposed to be leaving for Ethiopia in just a matter of days . Well , as of now , that is not happening . I received an email at the last minute that threw our idea of the current situation into question . Reports had been conflicting for some time depending on the source they came from . ( This is a subject for another blog entirely . ) For those who don 't know , Ethiopia has been in turmoil for a number of months now . The very simple ( perhaps simplistic ) version of a complicated situation is that Ethiopia is ruled in large part by the Amhara . The Oromo people are the largest ethnic group within Ethiopia . Disagreements between the Amhara and the Oromo have recently come to a head over a plan to expand the capital of Ethiopia , Addis Ababa , which would displace Oromo farmers . Tensions have grown , and now there are protests happening thoughout the country , with many turning violent . Protestors have begun attacking foreign interests because this will directly affect the bottom line of the government . With this in mind , at the last minute our trip was cancelled . Now , I 've had trips delayed for a couple weeks before , but this puts it off at least until the next scheduled trip in March , if things improve . I was disappointed by this , but also relieved at the same time . I 've been watching the situation get worse for a number of weeks , and was wondering how effective I 'd be able to work even if I did go . I know personally that a lot of other people are disappointed as well . But after getting past the disappointment , I had to go back to thinking about why . Why would timing be such for this to happen this way ? What do we do now ? For the first question I would simply say that it 's better to find out now than when you 're already there . Also , I don 't mind there being a certain level of danger when traveling , but there 's nothing virtuous about going into a dangerous situation when you can avoid it by simply waiting . For the second question , " what do we do now ? " I want to go to Acts 16 . Paul was traveling East through Europe toward what is now Turkey . " Paul and his companions traveled throughout the region of Phrygia and Galatia , having been kept by the Holy Spirit from preaching the word in the province of Asia . When they came to the border of Mysia , they tried to enter Bithynia , but the Spirit of Jesus would not allow them to . So they passed by Mysia and went down to Troas . During the night Paul had a vision of a man of Macedonia standing and begging him , " Come over to Macedonia and help us . " After Paul had seen the vision , we got ready at once to leave for Macedonia , concluding that God had called us to preach the gospel to them . " It 's easy when something like this happens to simply throw up your hands and say , " well that 's it then ! " Why Paul was prevented from entering Asia we don 't know , but when prevented he didn 't just give up . He waited for God to tell him what to do and redirected . Paul eventually did make it to Asia , but not then . It would be easy to just sit around being discouraged , but that is not what God wants us to do . This is our opportunity to seek God and ask what it is He wants us to do now . Doing nothing but being discouraged is not it . If we are the kind of people who held a ticket to Ethiopia because of our faith , then we are people of action . Not being in motion is not in our character . So take a day if you must , but then get to action , because it 's likely there is something else God wants you to do , if you just ask Him to direct you . It 's been a long time since I 've written . I 've been busy with work , busy with teaching , busy with a lot of things . Well , it 's time to redirect , because I leave for Ethiopia in a little over two weeks . It 's been a year since I was last in Africa ( too long really ) and it 's snuck up on me a bit . Every time I go to Africa , I understand a little more , and realize how little I knew before . This also frustrates me when I talk to people who have never traveled , and who have never done missions . I have to look back at myself five or ten years ago , realize how little I knew then , how much I still have to learn , and let that grace then pass on to other people . I had one of those situations happen this past week . Inevitably when I am going to Africa , someone comes up to me who has been storing away used or new clothing , shoes , flip - flops , glasses , etc , and asks if I can take them over with me to Africa and hand them out . I understand that people are trying to help , and sometimes some of these things can be helpful , but let me be clear . Africa does not need your used flip - flops . The person who came up to me this past week went even further and asked that I take pictures of people wearing the clothes they wanted to send over , after telling me how much they 'd spent on various items . I refused . There is a point where giving becomes selfish . If this makes no sense , let me explain a little . It can be noble to try to donate clothing and supplies to people that may need them . It might be noble , but it is also likely ineffective . The point where it becomes selfish is when you insist on the satisfaction of knowing that someone in Africa is wearing your unsolicited donated clothing . At that point it goes from being a donation made out of a well - meaning heart to being all about you , and at that point I find my grace tested . I understand why people want to send clothing and things with me . In the West , people with means usually think of poverty in terms of lack of resources . But if you go to the poor and ask them what poverty is , they might mention lack , but they 're also going to talk about things like powerlessness , despair , lack of hope , fear , sickness , and isolation . Poverty is much more a state of mind than it is a lack of " stuff " . As the great western savior comes over and starts handing out free things , it does a number of things . First , it reinforces the idea that Westerners are the haves , and that they are the have - nots . If it is obvious that a lot of materials are being handed out , it makes people a target to those who did not receive . This is a problem we came across in Kibera slum in Kenya , but it applies almost universally . It also undercuts people who are selling those same things in the community when someone comes in and starts handing out things for free , thus stifling business in already poor communities . So I 'll say it again ; Africa doesn 't need your flip - flops , your old dancing shoes , your worn out pants , or your bags of disposable diapers and water bottles that add to the garbage problem that plague communities all over the developing world . But if I stopped here , I would be remiss and would be doing nothing but complaining . The idiom goes , " Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day . Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime . " I would go one step further and say , " Find people who already know how to fish and equip them to teach others . " Identify those people and resources that already exist , and leverage them to help other people in the community around them . Wherever possible , it needs to be Africans helping Africans , and not just people coming from overseas to fix their problems . Africa is full of talented and intelligent people . Often they just need someone to stand behind them and give help when needed to spread that talent and knowledge around . Did you notice I said stand BEHIND ? Your presence should be seen as little as possible . Sometimes someone will ask for donations of clothing and such , like someone who might be running an orphanage , for example . In this case it 's ok . But we need to be mindful of the fact that helping , really helping , often requires more of us than just going through our closet . Often the things that help the most are the things that take a long time and don 't offer us the instant gratification many of us would rather have . 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My Senior year , 1967 - 1968 , was one long nightmare . Things were rough for me . I couldn 't make myself study . I couldn 't stop worrying about college . I hated my mother with a passion . I was arguing constantly with Mr . Murphy at school and Mr . Norris , my new grocery store manager . I felt a disturbing bitterness towards my classmates that I couldn 't shake . The Holy Roller music was driving me crazy . Just when I thought things couldn 't get worse , first those girls showed up , then La Familia moved in . My mother 's determination to turn her house into Little Mexico was the last straw as far as I was concerned . I would sleep in this place , but it would never be my home . I intended to spend as little time in this house as I possibly could . However , there was a heartrending consequence to my decision . It broke my heart seeing how much my border collie Terry missed me . Terry would stare at me with the saddest eyes whenever I left . I would think about him and feel so guilty . Terry looked almost as lost in this house as I was . I don 't think he spoke Spanish any better than I did . The thought of leaving Terry for college next fall upset me greatly . Terry the Terrible , the dog I loved so passionately , had been my best friend in the world for as long as I could remember . However , that meant I was his best friend as well . Through thick and thin , for ten years we had been inseparable . I knew my dog would never stop loving me . Despite all the problems I faced , the thought of leaving Terry to go to college was my single greatest sadness . I knew my dog would miss me so much . How would Terry ever understand my abandonment ? Just thinking about leaving my dog brought me so much sorrow . The bond we had was incredible . What would happen to my dog when that bond was broken ? This was a time when I was becoming a hard kid . I was growing tough and mean . I was overly serious and almost never laughed . Nevertheless , no matter how much I hated the world , whenever I saw my dog , I always seemed to break down crying . My guilt over the separation that awaited him when I left for college troubled me no end . Oddly enough , I was grateful for those tears . Those tears were about the only thing I had left that reminded me that deep down , I was still at heart a pretty good kid . If someone could reach my puppy dog side , I was a kind and decent person . However , good luck reaching the puppy dog side these days . I felt very cold inside . During the worst part of this dark period , I felt like Terry was virtually the only friend I had left . My love for my dog was the only thing that proved I still had any kindness left in me . If only I could find a way through all this hostility ! It was January 1968 of my Senior year when I began to go off the deep end . My home , my school and my job had all become battlegrounds . With no support system to fall back on , I felt like there was no one I could turn to . I wanted to lash out in the worst way and tell the world just how pissed off I was over my crummy life . As my defiance rose , I developed an anti - social streak that allowed me to justify a series of misguided moves . I developed a contempt for the cherished principles of my school . Disconnected from the school 's honor code as well as my own honor code , I did things that came dangerously close to ruining my St . John 's career . Up till my Senior year , I loved my school . I knew I was getting a great education . I wrapped my self - esteem around doing well at St . John 's and pleasing my teachers . If it hadn 't been for my sarcastic , bristling nature , I might have even been a teacher 's pet like my sun - kissed classmate Katina Ballantyne . I was on the verge of achieving my nine year dream - getting into college . However , with the Finish Line so tantalizingly close , something was wrong with me . Deeply wrong . Throughout the second half of the 12th grade , I hovered on the brink of self - destruction . I could not understand my tailspin . During my first eight years at SJS , I had always been a disciplined , conscientious student . I poured my heart into every class , did my homework and came prepared for tests . I never whined about grades and I participated in every classroom conversation . Academics had always come so easily to me . But now my vaunted self - discipline had seemingly deserted me . I was having trouble concentrating in class . My grades suffered because I could no longer force myself to study things I wasn 't interested in . What was wrong with me ? This loss of control had never happened before and it scared me . I would never succeed if I continued to ignore classes I didn 't like . The problem that bothered me the most was money . How was I ever going to pay for college ? More than anything else , it would be my fears about paying for college that sent me hurtling into a dangerous downward spiral . SUBCHAPTER 54 If ever there was a bad omen , it had to be the Holy Roller organ music . The noise irritated me from the moment I heard it . The moment this maddening sound drifted in from across the street , I knew I was in trouble . Finding myself totally unable to study , I had a really bad feeling about this new home . Another bad omen arrived soon after . In early September 1967 , my application form to Georgetown University showed up . As I looked at the brochure , I gasped at the tuition . $ 5 , 000 a year . I had no idea the tuition was so high . My grocery store savings were projected to be $ 1 , 500 - $ 2 , 000 . I was sick to realize my savings from two years of work were not nearly enough to pay for even one semester at Georgetown . $ 5 , 000 a year seemed insurmountable . Where was the extra money going to come from ? ? Obviously a scholarship was my only hope , but I had no idea how one gets a college scholarship . I assumed that after I got accepted into school , that 's when to ask . The next bad omen took place at the start of November . That is when my father 's $ 100 per month child support check failed to show up . For the past nine years , my father 's child support payment had been as predictable as clockwork . So naturally Mom was surprised when the check didn 't show up on time . . . and worried too . She planned to use that guaranteed money to pay her monthly house note . The missing check was serious . For all his faults , my father was a champion with child support . He had never missed a check before . Considering how much Mom depended on that money , she was deeply worried . We were still on speaking terms at that point , so she asked me to help figure it out . I didn 't have a clue , but Mom came up with the answer . It took a good fifteen minutes of concentration to guess the reason , but Mom finally realized that my recent 18th birthday in late October was surely responsible . Long ago when I was 6 , my father was transferred from Maryland to Houston . I had been put back a half year by the Texas school system on some sort of age technicality . That explained whyMoney became ridiculously tight . My mother began to worry day and night how to replace that money . A very awkward moment took place when I offered to give her some of my grocery store money to make up the difference . I don 't know if it was her pride , but she turned me down in a huff . " I don 't want your money , Richard . Save it for college . " That was probably the last warm feeling I had for my mother the entire year . Here she was facing the loss of her dream house , but her code of honor kept her from accepting my college money . I was impressed . However , what I didn 't know was that she had a disastrous plan of her own set in motion . The arrival of Janie and Linda shortly after Thanksgiving was deceiving . How could I have guessed the appearance of these girls was the worst omen of all ? Janie and Linda certainly didn 't look dangerous , but beware beautiful Mexican girls bearing gifts . Their presence not only paralyzed my ability to study for two solid weeks at the end of November , things would get much worse . I made a series of terrible decisions during my Senior year , but hindsight shows my one good decision was to avoid having sex with either girl . Upon arrival , both girls were convinced the sooner they found a man to take care of them , the better . That explains why they initially turned on the heat towards me , the only available male . However , once they figured out that I was not interested in taking care of them , they branched out and found better options . To my surprise , from that point on , I didn 't exist any more . The smiles , the giggling , the touching , walking around half - dressed . . . all of that disappeared . Those girls had me thinking I was hot stuff there for a while , but when the truth came out , my ego was badly deflated to say the least . Considering I didn 't have much of an ego to begin with , I felt stupid , foolish and confused about the entire matter . It wasn 't till much later in my life that I realized my misgivings had been accurate all along and that I had narrowly escaped a truly messy set of complicatioWhat I did not know at the time was that Janie and Linda 's arrival was no accident . If my mother had explained , quite a bit of heartache could have been bypassed . Linda and Janie 's appearance was part of a scheme Mom and Ramon had cooked up . My mother was certain she was going to lose the house without a new source of income . So Ramon had invited the girls up . Once they got here , Mom hoped they could find a way to get the girls to pay rent . That explains why shortly after they got here , Ramon told the girls to go out and get a job . We already know the rest . La Familia was just around the corner . It would have helped immensely if Mom had explained things up front . Why didn 't my mother tell me this ? Pride . Mom was too ashamed to admit the main reason she turned her house into Little Mexico was to get enough rent money from her guests to replace my father 's missing child support . It wasn 't until our huge yelling match in late December that Mom finally blurted out the truth . What a shame she hadn 't told me sooner . Thanks to the huge fight , we weren 't even speaking . Oddly enough , now that I finally understood the fix she was in , I gave my mother no more grief about the Mexicans . I still detested living in this house , but I understood my mother 's dire financial situation too well to punish her further . Nevertheless , my mother 's inability to explain things directly in the beginning had cost our relationship dearly . There was a permanent wedge between us . Not only was I little more than a boarder in my own house , I operated totally without supervision . Shortly after the blow - up , I got a message at school to meet my father for lunch . When I showed up at the usual meeting place the next day , I realized my father was not going to invite me to his house for Christmas this year . This was new ; I had always spent a part of Christmas day with him . Not this year , he said . Today 's lunch would be our Christmas meal instead . He said I was older now and should understand . . . whatever that was supposed to mean . What I assumed it meant was that his wife couldn 't stand to have me in her house again . Trust me , the feeling was mutual . . . I couldn 't stand the woman . With that , Dad gave me a Civil War book about Stonewall Jackson , plus a Christmas card with a ten dollar bill in it . Thanks , Dad . Touching . During the meal , I was very upset that my father never said a word about college or college finances . My father 's neglect of this all - important subject signaled real danger . My mind drifted back to the promise he had made five and a half years ago . At the end of the 6th grade , my father had stopped paying tuition at St . John 's the moment he was no longer legally obligated . At the time , he promised to save up for college instead . In my mind , I referred to this moment as the Sixth Grade Pledge . If he had kept his promise and banked the tuition as he said he would , I estimated he would have close to $ 4 , 000 saved for me . I scoffed . In my dreams . I didn 't trust my father then and I didn 't trust him now . January 1968 was right around the corner . Soon the college acceptances would begin coming in . However , I still had no idea how to pay for college . One would assume this was the time a father would bring up the subject of college . No such luck . When Dad ignored any talk of college during our Christmas lunch , I was disheartened . This was a bad omen indeed . I should have said something , but I was too scared to bring the subject up . If I said anything , I was certain he would tell me the truth and dash my hopes for good . I simply wasn 't strong enough to bear the disappointment . My fight with my mother was still fresh in my mind . My mother had hurt my feelings badly . I didn 't want to admit how upset I was that I wasn 't welcome in her home anymore . Whether she meant it or not , it really hurt . Consequently I was simply not brave enough to risk alienating my other parent as well . Rather than take the chance of being crushed now , I preferred to cling to my long - shot hope that my father would come through for me in the end . So I remained silent . When this meal was over , I was in a terrible mood . It wasn 't the Christmas snub that upset me . I was used to my father 's indifference by now . Besides , I didn 't want to go to his house anyway . What upset me is that I felt deserted by both parents . My " Little Mexico " argument with my mother had taken place just days earlier . She didn 't want me in her home and now it looked like my father wouldn 't help me with college . What a pair . If my father could not be counted on to help with college . . . and I was becoming more certain all the time this was the correct conclusion . . . then I was in big trouble . Therefore , starting with my father 's Christmas snub , I began to worry about money night and day . Without my father 's help , I was way short of the necessary money to make it to the Promised Land . SUBCHAPTER 55 About three weeks after my father 's Christmas Snub , I heard something during school lunchtime that disturbed me greatly . As for college tuition , I was down to two remaining possibilities . . . a college scholarship and a local scholarship known as the Jones Scholarship . If I couldn 't count on my father , then a college scholarship was officially my best hope . A college scholarship was no sure thing , but I believed I had a pretty good chance . In fact , I told my friend David that exact thing as we ate lunch at school . If I could get a scholarship at St . John 's , then surely a college scholarship should be no problem . David said not so fast . David attended SJS on a half - scholarship and he worried about college scholarships almost as much as I did . David proceeded to tell me something I had never thought of before . David said a couple years ago his older brother was unable to get a college scholarship because his father made too much money . Now that it was his turn , David was worried about the same problem . His brother was saddled with a huge college loan debt and David was certain a similar fate awaited him as well . I replied my father 's salary was not an issue . I had nothing to worry about because my father wasn 't even in the picture . St . John 's knew this for a fact which is why I had gotten my full scholarship here . Surely the same principle would apply for college . David disagreed . First he shook his head " no " , then said emphatically , " I wouldn 't be so sure about that , Rick . Any college is going to expect the parents to pay , especially someone like you from a rich kid 's prep school . A college doesn 't know you from Adam . It has no obligation to take your word for it that your father is a jerk . If colleges did that , every kid in America would say they had just been disowned by their parents upon graduation . Why would any parent willingly pay all that tuition if all they had to do was tell the kid to lie and go to college for free ? There 's cheaters everywhere in this world . That 's why colleges go over the money parents make with a fine - toothed comb . My jaw dropped . I felt sick . My father 's money was going to count against me whether I liked it or not . How was I ever going to explain my father bizarre attitude to some school that had never heard of my situation ? Maybe I could get my father to write a letter on my behalf . I dismissed that idea in a nanosecond . My father didn 't give a shit about me . My father 's attitude was that I was on my own . He would never cooperate . No doubt money was tight in my father 's home at the moment . After all , both my step - brother and step - sister were currently in private schools . Their enrollment at private schools similar to SJS was a source of real irritation to me . I bitterly recalled how my father had sanctimoniously preached the value of public school after he refused to continue to send me to St . John 's following the 6th grade . Public school was good enough for me , but his two children by his second wife deserved private school . No doubt the child support my father had discontinued was helping to pay their way . I got the message loud and clear . Although I still hadn 't given up hope that father was good for his 6th grade promise , I was pretty skeptical . If David was right , my father 's salary would count against me unless he cooperated in some way . That would never happen . My father would not have touched a financial aid form in a thousand years . I doubted seriously my father wished to print on some form the reasons why he was unwilling to spend a single dime on me . The blood drained out of me . I stopped breathing . I felt sick . My disappointment was so powerful that I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach . A huge bitterness arose . My fear that I might not have a way to pay for college had just been amplified to crisis level . After lunch , I staggered to class . I had the same sick feeling one would have after a doctor reveals the presence of an incurable disease . The more I thought about what David said , the more upset I got . The thought that my father 's salary might work against me was unfathomable . I had German class after lunch . When I walked in , I was almost in tears . Mrs . Anderson , the nice lady who taught German in my Senior year , asked us to translate a long paragraph of German into English . I finished first , mostly because my heart wasn 't in it . With nothing to do , I began to scan the room . I looked at all twelve students one by one . Every student in this room had come to school today secure in the knowledge their father 's money guaranteed they were going to the college of their choice . I shook my head in dismay . An overpowering wave of bitterness surged through me . While my classmates didn 't give attending college a second thought , I now believed there was a good chance I wouldn 't be going to college next year . This thought made me furious . Who at this school worked harder than me ? ? Was it really possible my father 's job could present a nearly insurmountable obstacle to my chances of getting a scholarship ? That thought absolutely blew my mind . My entire life had been wrapped around college ever since the acne attack three years ago . The thought of being trapped at Little Mexico for another year was more than I could handle right now . As I looked around , some very dark thoughts entered my mind . My sudden fear about not being able to go to college next year led to an absolutely devastating attack of envy towards my classmates . At a time when I had no idea how I would ever pay for college , it infuriated me that every single one of my senior classmates BUT ME had parents who were going to take care of their college education . Unbelievable . Was it really possible everyone in my class might go to college but me ? ? I once asked Mr . Curran why St . John 's didn 't offer any useful classes like typing or car repair . Mr . Curran laughed and said St . John 's was a college preparatory school . Their intent was to prepare their students for college . These children were the daughters and sons of Houston 's elite . Since none of these students would ever be a car mechanic or a secretary , there was no need for these kind of classes . Mr . Curran was right . The pursuit of a college education had been drilled into my mind since the moment I had first stepped into my 4th grade classroom . St . John 's had preached the goal of scholastic achievement for nine years . Indeed , thanks to my superior education , I was extremely well - prepared for the next stage . . . if I could just get there . Going to college was the single most important thing in my entire life , not only as a way to train for a future career , but as a way to escape my mother and my miserable home life . College was my Promised Land , Holy Grail , and Mt . Everest all rolled into one . I thought about college constantly . Every fiber was directed at hanging on until I could leave Houston and find sanity . However , David 's lecture on Daddy 's money had convinced me I had a serious problem , but no answer . Money was a real issue . The three colleges I had applied to were expensive out - of - state private universities . When I looked at the cost of tuition plus room and board , I paled considerably . At a private university , I was looking at annual bills somewhere around $ 5 , 000 plus $ 1 , 000 more room and board ( obviously these numbers are meaningless today , so multiply times 10 to get a better picture ) . As it stood , without a scholarship , there was no way on earth I could pay for an out of state school . College loans , maybe , but I needed parents to guarantee loans . That wasn 't going to happen . For the very first time it occurred to me I had more than enough money to afford a in - state school . That would have been a very practical solution . Why hadn 't I thought of that before ? I had a blind spot . . . I wanted to get out of Texas no matter what . In my desperation to save application fees , I had deliberately chosen not to apply to less expensive schools here in Texas like the University of Texas or the University of Houston . Nor had Mr . Salls brought the subject up . He had ' Johns Hopkins ' on the brain . What a joke . Now it looked like my failure to consider a state school would come back to haunt me . I kicked myself because I had not applied to Rice University like I wanted to . That was the one school that might be able to give me a scholarship despite my ridiculous situation with my father . Surely I could just drive over to Rice and explain my problems with father face to face with someone in Admissions . I would suggest Mr . Salls as my reference . Surely Mr . Salls would go to bat for me . However I was so desperate to escape my mother , the thought of applying to a school here in Houston had never crossed my radar . Too late now . I was stuck . My chance to apply to Rice University would have to wait another year . Unless I could find some source of serious money , I was scared out of my wits that my freshman year of college would consist of another year of Weingarten 's grocery sacking , more Little Mexico , and perhaps a few scintillating classes at Houston Community College . Why not look on the bright side ? At least I could take a typing class . Or learn how to fix a car . Or maybe learn Spanish and figure out how to seduce a Mexican girl . I was full of despair . Thanks to David 's bad news about my father 's salary , paying for college was now a monumental nail biter for me . I brooded over money every spare moment of the day . " Everyone but me " continued to rattle around in my brain on a daily basis . I began to resent the good fortune of my classmates in a completely new way . Sure I had known envy before , but not to the point that it bothered me like it did now . My scholarship at St . John 's had made it possible for me to get the finest education money could buy even though I had no money . Yes , my low socioeconomic status was a source of irritation to me , but the fact remained that my Rich Man - Poor Man situation had not kept me from competing with my wealthy classmates . . . until now . My classmates were going to college , but thanks to good old Deadbeat Dad , I wasn 't . I was ready to explode with bitterness . In all my years at St . John 's , I had never before hated the privileged lives of my classmates as much as I did now . ThI began to hate going to school . The fight with my mother and my father 's snub underscored just how completely alone I felt . With college beckoning just across the horizon , my world was in shambles . At this point , I became seriously anti - social . Wrapped up inside my self - pity , I am afraid my judgment was impaired . I began to do some very stupid things . CHAPTER
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We get the backstory of the fight between Abbie and Jenny , stemming from when they were young and Abbie refused to admit having seen anything strange in the woods when Jenny reported it . We get briefly introduced to Abbie 's ex - boyfriend Morales . And we learn the guy with the eyes of sand is , oddly enough , called the Sandman . " He 's coming for you next , " says the affected Mr . Gillespie to Abbie . " Next time you fall asleep , you 're dead . " ( Then he kills himself . ) So far , three episodes in , Sleepy Hollow has been relatively rote in its monster - of - the - week structure . Headless Horseman , resurrected witch , Sandman . The show gives the appearance of building a mythology , but really all we 're seeing are . . . " monsters from the pit " ? This particular monster , Sandman , necessitates help from the native Mohawks . Crane is astounded - and peeved - that so few of the tribe remain . They find one . A car salesman . Since the Sandman targets people who " turn a blind eye " on others who need help , the salesman is prompted to aid Abbie lest Sandman come for him next for having refused her . The episode devolves into a pseudo - Neil Gaiman thingy where Abbie and Crane drink a special tea that allows them to enter what amounts to The Dreaming , the Mohawk tribesman having told them they must face Sandman on his own territory . Of course this Sandman is pale and skinny but bald as opposed to having the crazy hair Gaiman 's Morpheus is famous for . But hey ! Blank black eyes ! ( Except when sand is falling out of them . ) Anyway , in the old " truth shall set you free " way of things , by telling the truth in the dream , Abbie is able to defeat the Sandman . Somehow it 's a letdown . It 's almost too easy . So while the monster angles have been less than thrilling , the character interactions continue to be entertaining . With Jenny in the mix , and a little more of Captain Irving ( I hope ) , there 's still enough to keep me interested , even when the A plot is weak . So I 'll keep watching . For now . So the Screenwriters World Conference West has just wrapped here in L . A . It 's been a good time ; I met a lot of interesting people , I learned a few things and heard ( again ) many things that writers need to hear but , because we are solitary creatures , often do not hear nearly enough . We hear it and think , Duh . I know that . But knowing and being reminded are not the same thing . I arrived Friday afternoon . I 'd say " just in time for traffic " but every time is " just in time for traffic " in L . A . Still , Friday afternoons can be worse than most . So I missed the keynote but was able to jump in with Pilar Alessandra 's Pitch talk , wherein she gave us templates to help work out our pitches . Very helpful , though when I moved on to Danny Manus ' talk on Loglines & Queries , I of course got some contradictory information . One has to remember that every studio , every production company , every agent and manager is different and has a different idea about how best to do things . Going to conferences like this one only underscores how subjective it all is . This is NOT an excuse , however , for writers to say , " Oh , they didn 't like my script because they didn 't understand it " or whatever . If you 're getting the same response everywhere , if it 's all " no , " then go back to your script and figure out where the problem ( s ) is ( are ) . If you 're lucky enough to get feedback ( or have enough money to pay for a consultant to give you feedback , which can be invaluable ) , see if what they say makes sense . Sometimes it 's crap advice , and it really is just that a person didn 't like the script . But sometimes - and this is especially true if you 're hearing the same thing from a lot of different places - there 's still more work to be done before anyone can really hope to sell the script . And when you send that baby out there into the world , you do really want it to be as good as you feel you can get it . It won 't be perfect , but it needs to be ( as they say in the medical world ) " viable . " I ended my first night with a panel on Tips & Tricks of the Trade . It was moderated by Jeanne Veillette Bowerman and featured Robbie Fox , Doug Richardson , and Tom Schulman . ( Yes , that Tom Schulman , the one who wrote Dead Poet 's Society . ) Honestly , this panel was a lot of remembrances and anecdotes , but it was fun . Fox stated that short films are the way in these days , that writers should make shorts and get them out there because studio and production people would rather watch something than read a script . A lot of what we heard over the weekend is the emphasis on the business being a relationship biz . This goes to the whole " who you know " aspect , but it also goes beyond . Because first people have to get to know you . So you want to stand out . . . And yet not be weird and creepy . . . Being confident is good , but being cocky is not . . . You want to be someone other people want to work with . More that we learned : That studios are making fewer and fewer movies , meaning there 's less work for writers . Studios don 't want original content because they aren 't " building from the ground up " any more . They want to grab properties that already have fans ( comic books , popular novels , etc . ) . This is in large part because 2 / 3 of ticket sales are now overseas , and the audiences over there ( especially China ) eat up the epic blockbusters . On Saturday morning I attended the panel on getting an agent or manager . If you 're wondering what the difference is ( at least in California ) , an agent can solicit work and negotiate on his / her client 's behalf and a manager cannot . Managers more guide , counsel , promote the writer 's career . They can help the writer prioritize projects , tell them whether an idea is salable . Managers usually work in conjunction with agents . I pitched on Saturday to six managers and production companies . One passed . Four asked for contact info and / or business cards . One requested a script . I don 't know if that 's successful ? It 's a start , I guess . And it was good experience anyway . They of course told us we should read [ successful ] scripts to see how it 's done ( but try to keep in mind many scripts online are shooting scripts , which are written differently ) . They pointed out that it 's confusing to have characters with names that are too similar . They pointed out how important it is to pull the reader through the script by having a great story , never giving the reader a reason to stop and think too hard . At the Breaking Into Hollywood panel ( Lee Jessup , Michael Tabb , Chris Soth , Barri Evins , moderated by Adam Finer ) much the same kinds of things were said . There is no magic formula ; every writer 's journey is different . But here are some things they said to do : Do it all simultaneously . Be doing it all the time . Don 't write , then stop and take time off from writing to network . Keep all those balls in the air . Remember that , until you have a huge hit movie , you 're always breaking in . You 're only as good as your last script . Build relationships and think about what you can give rather than what you can get . And know who you are - create a writing identity , a personal brand - because that 's what you 're really selling . The closing keynote was with Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely . You may know them as the guys who have written Captain America : The First Avenger and Thor : The Dark World . But they came a long way before getting to do those kinds of cool scripts . It was fun to listen to their story and think about where I am on the curve of my own writing journey . ( Sort of entering the " talking dog movies " part of my professional arc . ) Even if the acetone wouldn 't have melted the nail , couldn 't Pendry have still hidden the nail in the bottle of fake milk ? I mean , how hard was Scotland Yard really looking ? They clearly didn 't open the milk bottle and take a whiff of the contents or anything . The nail would have settled to the bottom of the jar and been masked by the opaque liquid ( I would think ) . Seems to be popular to set Mycroft and Sherlock at odds with one another these days . I 'd actually kind of like to see them get along in the old - school Holmes kind of way . I mean , they were never close , but their rivalry ( if you could even call it that ) was always good - natured . And they worked off one another , more together than against . I realize sibling rivalry makes for better drama , but . . . And this last point is really just kind of a " huh " on my part . I 'm not a surgeon , so maybe Watson saw and understood something I didn 't , but when I see a cook with graft scars on his wrist , I mostly just think he suffered a really terrible burn . Still , I do like that they added this layer to things - Mycroft 's illness , that is . And I like that they found someone with enough facial similarities to Miller that , seeing them sitting side by side on a bench , I can believe they might be related . I 'm not sure how I feel about the treatment of Lestrade , however . I enjoyed the character , but part of me thinks the whole " addicted to the limelight " thing is a bit of a stretch . It 's not that I can 't believe it could happen , but something about the way it was introduced and then treated made it feel pitted and uneven . Jury 's still out on that one . All right , but all these things aside , I did find the episode engaging . I liked the introduction of a couple new and interesting characters , and the 3D printer story was kind of fun and different . If this episode sets the tone for the season as a whole , I think it could be better than the first . An improvement . My big hope is they 'll come up with some truly inventive stories rather than the rote procedural plots we had been seeing . We 'll have to see how things go on once they 're back in New York , I suppose . I certainly hope Jeremy Zimmer is right . I write smaller pictures . I write character - driven fare that I hope will appeal to actors tired of having to work against CGI and green screens . I 'd like to think there 's a market out there for what I write . Someone , somewhere must be tired of superheroes and big budget epics . . . Right ? They say this is one of the reasons TV is so big right now - people who don 't want flash and bang are getting fed by the more intricate stories told weekly ( or , if it 's available in intravenous , streaming form , sometimes told in huge , bingeing mouthfuls ) . Of course , as I 've mentioned in previous posts , television 's format allows for longer , deeper studies of character and more careful crafting of plot and overarching story . Or it can , anyway , in the right hands . Which is why people like Fincher and Soderbergh and Michael Douglas are winning Emmys now instead of Oscars . The world is made up of a lot of different tastes . But lately Hollywood has been serving up mostly one thing . They 've done this because they can charge a lot for it , and a lot of people will eat it up . But some of those diners are getting tired of the same old fare , and some diners never liked it in the first place . Time to lay out some additional offerings , don 't you think ? Well , I 'd like to see it happen that way anyway . So again , I hope Zimmer is right , and that studios might consider taking on a few smaller projects . Side dishes , if nothing else . It turns out my theory was correct , and that the murderer was someone we 'd met briefly and only seen from time to time . Still , I feel Broadchurch gave me a good run despite my having figured it out a few episodes back . ( Last week , when people kept saying they thought they 'd seen Nigel - that clinched it for me because in early episodes I 'd remarked the resemblance between Nigel and another character , the one who turned out to be the murderer . ) Even though they fell to that old formula that I 've discussed so many times before , that sort of slight of hand in which someone is introduced then promptly disappears , here it didn 't seem to matter . The viewer experience is so immersive that one often forgets to step back and think more broadly ; we 're too engaged and too drawn in . And that 's wonderful . It 's been ages since a show has done that to me . So often shows , and especially procedurals , are too interested in putting on a song and dance and making themselves appear clever , and I don 't know about other people , but I naturally resist that . It forces me back , at which point I can see right through whatever the writers and directors and actors are trying to put over on me . Broadchurch , however , had me leaning in rather than backing away . So kudos to them . I do wonder what they 'll have on tap for the next series . There is yet so much to explore in this little town . I 'm already looking forward to another visit . S . H . I . E . L . D . picks up after " The Battle of New York " ( as the end of Avengers has come to be called - and btw , didn 't I say Fury was a liar and Coulson wasn 't dead ? Apparently you require Level 7 clearance to know that , though ) . The goal : to assemble a group of agents for a mobile unit tasked with investigating strange events ( and people ) across the globe . It 's , you know , a really hi - tech Scooby Gang . In the pilot Michael Peterson is an unemployed factory worker who happens to have super strength . Like , super strength . And S . H . I . E . L . D . is interested in that . Or him , rather . As well as a hacker named Skye who promotes a group called " The Rising Tide . " Which is to say , Skye tries to warn Michael about S . H . I . E . L . D . coming after him , only to get snatched by the organization herself . Turns out Michael 's powers come from something called " Centipede . " A device attached to his arm . But when Michael calls the doctor running the trials for the device in the hopes of finding a way to monetize it , the anonymous doctor merely reminds him of the NDA . Frustration ( and desperation ) sends Michael back to the factory that laid him off where , after being denied his old job , he assaults the foreman . When Coulson shows Skye the news footage , she agrees to help S . H . I . E . L . D . help Michael . The show also comes with all the spot - on dialogue that one expects from Whedon ( be it Joss or Jed ) . Just the right amount of smart and funny . And interesting enough , and moving quickly enough , to hold my interest . I didn 't even get up for a snack . It 's early in the new season , but so far S . H . I . E . L . D . is my favorite new show . Okay , so I did watch this . Kind of . To be honest , it wasn 't really holding my full attention . But here 's what I managed to glean : Dunn ( that Sheriff 's Department member played by John Cho , for anyone slow to pick up on names ) is brought back to life by those evil spirits or whatever to act as a kind of Renfield ( and if you don 't know who that is , go watch or read Dracula ) in that he is forced to aid and abet the corpse of a dead witch . Not a good witch like Katrina , but a bad witch trying to get her body back . In order to do this , the bad witch must kill ( burn ? I missed whether it was that specific ) the blood kin of the people who had burned her [ for being a witch ] way back when . And she has to do it all by the time of the Blood Moon . ( That 's one of the names given to a full moon in October . ) Meanwhile , Abbie and Ichabod ( whom everyone just calls " Crane " because " Ichabod " sounds silly when you have to yell it across any distance , and what do you use for a nickname ? " Icky ? " " Bod ? " ) are , you know , still trying to figure s * * * out . Katrina comes to Crane in a dream and warns him about the bad witch . . . Kind of . Like , she gives him clues and says this bad person " is one of us " which takes Crane a while to figure out she meant " witch . " C ' mon , Katrina . Spit it out . If you have to be brief , also be clear , all right ? And then , you know , Abbie ( and maybe they mostly call her by her last name too ? Mills ? ) and Crane ( who just refers to Abbie as " Lieutenant " ) figure out when people start dying what 's going on and that they have to stop the witch from being reborn or whatever . Not all that involving , actually . Which is why my attention wandered . On the flip side , Abbie now has had a " visit " from the dead Sheriff Corbin , her mentor and a man who clearly knew more about what was really going on . And that meeting was far more interesting than those between Crane and Katrina . With Abbie and Corbin , one honestly feels they have a connection , a genuine affection for one another . But I have to wonder : Does everyone get a spirit guide of some kind ? Actually , Katrina is evidently in some kind of limbo or purgatory . Maybe Corbin is too ? And Dunn ? There are still many questions to be answered , of course , and the overall mythology remains somewhat entertaining . I only hope next week 's plot is equally interesting . An aside : Crane was in Room 222 . Does the number have meaning ? Should we start playing that game yet ? Revelation 2 : 22 or Revelation 22 : 2 ? Any takers ? Right now I 'm burning one of those Nature 's Wick candles , the kind with a wooden wick . It makes a sort of crackling noise as it burns . If you like the cozy sound of a fire , you might like this kind of candle . But if you want silence , don 't bother . It took some getting used to for me , though now it 's only so much white noise while I work . Another candle I picked up was yet another Yankee Candle , this one branded " Home Classics . " I don 't know what that means exactly , but I like the shape of the jar , which is a kind of straight - sided cylinder ; there 's something very clean about the look . The scent is Coastal Breeze . I really liked it in the store , but giving it a whiff now , there 's something weirdly smoky about it . We 'll see what happens when I light it , I suppose . Both the above candles are blue , with Tranquil Waters being a deep color and Coastal Breeze being a icy pale blue - grey . I do seem to gravitate toward the blue candles for whatever reason . Still , being mindful that I should stretch myself , I picked up a third and final offering , a yellow - orange soy candle called Sun Kissed . The scent does , indeed , put me in mind of a sunny day , and the color is cheerful . The company is not prominently marked , but looking at the bottom of the box , it seems to be made by Illume . I haven 't had much luck with soy candles in that I 've found their scents don 't often hold , but maybe this one will change my mind . In any case , the color is a nice complement to my range of blues , and the one green candle I currently have . I love James Spader because he can be over the top and get away with it . He can make it work . He 'll make it sound suave , even when the words are clunky . Still , he can 't save everything . And being directed to kneel on the Justice Department Seal in the opening scene . . . That 's over the top . More than that , it 's overkill . Exposition here is also a bit heavy handed . Having FBI profiler Elizabeth Keen profile herself ? Um . . . Geez , they gave her the name keen for Christ 's sake . What 's the story ? Well , Spader plays Raymond " Red " Reddington , a career criminal who surrenders to the FBI , though his motives are questionable . He tips the Bureau off to Zumani , another criminal that the FBI had thought to be dead . Red says he wants Zumani too , hence his coming in . But Red will only talk to Elizabeth Keen , a profiler who is just starting out - in fact , it 's her first day . The other interesting thing is how characters react in stressful situations . So when Lizzie comes home and finds her husband bloodied and tied up , held hostage by Zumani . . . What does she do ? ( Hint : since the episode is only half over , the answer is not " catch Zumani . " ) Although she does punch a hole in Red 's neck with a pen . There is some confusing back - and - forth between Red and Zumani , who evidently are friends after all . Motivations become cloudier rather than clearer . And Zumani ends up with the tracking chip the FBI implanted in Red , then ends up falling off a building ( with the push of a bullet ) . It isn 't difficult to imagine James Spader as a criminal mastermind . His hypnotic way of speaking alone can make one believe it . There 's something serpent - like about him . ( Or spider - like ? A kind of Moriarty ? He does appear to have quite a network of under - criminals to tap . ) And The Blacklist capitalizes on that quality . At the end of the pilot , Red reels the FBI in with the promise of delivering more big criminals from his " Blacklist . " And Spader reels in viewers . The Blacklist is filled with tantalizing tidbits . Hints . But it remains to be seen if anything can be made of them . I walked away with mixed feelings - the desire to know more , and the fear that the show won 't be able to deliver on its promise . I don 't watch gory , mindless horror flicks . Which means I 'm largely uninitiated in the zombie / vampire / werewolf genre of movie . Still , I 've been known to make exceptions . Things with just a touch of horror , a suggestion of the horrific . . . Also , I 've seen a lot of Brad Pitt movies . Some of those have been kind of horrible in another kind of way . Anyway , I decided I 'd give World War Z a try . Haven 't read the book , though as I understand it , that 's more of a collection of stories about this epidemic from various places and points of view , while the film version took one character ( Gerry , a UN worker played by Pitt ) and extended him into other plotlines from the book . The result is somewhat choppy as the script was forced to create a through line wherein Gerry is sent in search of a way to create some kind of vaccine or antidote or whatever for this terrible virus that 's turning people into rabid corpses . At the end of the day , I found myself only mildly interested in what was going on onscreen . Part of that is surely because I don 't stomach the icky stuff so well , but just as much of my disinterest was based in the lack of pacing . With the big , scary zombie moments intercut with long , dramatic ones , World War Z is uneven . And even the triumphant moment failed to make my heart swell . ( Note I was watching the unrated DVD cut , not the theatrical version . ) I did have to wonder , though , how difficult it was for some of those actors to play zombies . That 's some hard work right there . Very physical roles . I 'm thinking in particular of those who had more screen time and longer interactions than the hordes who zipped by and were hardly seen . By the end of World War Z , I was simply relieved . Not that they 'd made inroads in defeating the plague , but that the movie was over . And not because of the gross parts - they weren 't so bad - but because I found the film exhausting . In an overlong car ride , are - we - done - yet ? kind of way . I almost didn 't watch this . But I was bored and the stuff I 'm waiting to premiere isn 't airing until next week . Plus , my viewing schedule has become very drama heavy , so I was thinking maybe I should try to find something funny . . . The first , oh , minute of Brooklyn Nine - Nine did not impress me . But when Samberg picked up the stuffed bear and started making it talk . . . I 'll admit it . I laughed . And that made me stick out the remainder of the episode . The show itself is a half - hour , single - camera sitcom centered on Samberg 's police detective character Jake Peralta and his partner Amy Santiago . Added to this mix is Andre Braugher as newly minted Captain Ray Holt , and Terry Crews as Sergeant Terry Jeffords . And then sprinkled around these are a larger ensemble cast that viewers will surely get to know better as episodes unspool . ( Check FOX 's official site for deets . ) The pilot did a fine if rote job of setting up characters , their personalities and tensions , plastering these over a relatively toothless murder investigation . But I laughed more than once , and since that 's the ultimate goal of a sitcom , I count it as a win . By which I mean I 'll probably watch more . I don 't necessarily feel compelled to watch weekly - this isn 't appointment television - but it 's the kind of thing I 'd easily use to plug holes in my viewing , or something I 'd queue up if I were bored and didn 't feel like watching anything weighty . I 'm at least glad I gave it a try . This is true in most procedurals . I 've mentioned it often enough when doing write - ups of Elementary , how the person you meet briefly and then are prompted to forget as a slew of other information is tossed at you is usually the one that gets circled back to at the dénouement . And that the assumption of innocence is just as often an indicator that someone is , in fact , guilty . ( Look at Irene / Moriarty . ) We 'll know next week if Broadchurch has put this formula to use . I have to say , even if they have resorted to formula , they 've done a fine job with it . Maybe it 's because they were able to draw it out over eight hours . In an hour - long episode of a show - one in which the viewer expects the mystery to be resolved within the roughly 54 minutes of air time - it 's difficult to put enough distance between that character we meet and then immediately drop and the big reveal of them having been the criminal . But extend that a few hours . . . And put a week between each of those hours besides . . . And it becomes much , much easier to make people forget that one person . The one who has a few brief scenes and is so much wallpaper . Anyway . Enough of that . The only other thing I 'd like to say is to commend Mr . Tennant on his fine acting . He does so many subtle things with his posture , and the way he clinches his jaw , moves his hands , etc . The whole show is well acted , really , and the characters very well drawn . They are human , three - dimensional . You start out liking them , then as you get to know them and their flaws , you find it harder to like them and yet they remain compelling . It 's not so different from real life . It 's easy to like people you hardly know . But anyone you know really well . . . You may like them , but there will be things about them you don 't like as well . You can 't avoid it . Because no one is perfect . Only people you know in the most superficial way can be people you thoroughly like . And isn 't that funny ? Wouldn 't that suggest you should never get to know anyone very well ? So this has turned into a philosophy lecture , which is my signal to cut loose . Next week 's Broadchurch will reveal Danny 's killer . Am I right in thinking it 's someone we haven 't spent much time with ? And the big question still remains : Why ? I 'm looking forward to answers . P . S . If you 're wondering what actually happened in this episode , it was this : Susan told Ellie she saw Nigel lay Danny 's body on the beach . So they hauled in Nigel and found out he was actually poaching pheasants . And it turns out Nigel is Susan 's son , taken away from her by Social Services after her husband was convicted of molesting their daughters and killing the older one . I keep a skull ( not real , a Hamlet prop ) in my office . But from here on out , he should maybe make trips to the television room on Monday nights to watch Sleepy Hollow . Cuz let 's be real : skulls are underrepresented in media , but Sleepy Hollow is now giving them the attention they deserve . Seriously , though , it 's difficult to decide how seriously to take this update on Washington Irving 's famous tale . Parts Grimm , Once Upon a Time , and Highlander ( hello , flashbacks and beheadings ) . . . It 's patently designed for today 's epic fantasy audience . But the story has been warped to the point that it is almost nonsensical . Let 's see if I can get it straight : Ichabod Crane was a soldier in the Revolutionary War . He was instructed by General Washington to look for a man with a brand on his hand - the brand looks like " a bow " as per the people in the program , but mostly looks a bit like the sign for Sagittarius , and so as a member of that sign I 'm a tad offended . Anyway , when shooting said offender failed to kill him , Crane cut off the man 's head . . . But not before the man used his broad axe to slice a good hunk of Crane 's chest open . Crane is taken to triage where his wife Katrina worked as a nurse . But really , she was a witch , a member of a secret coven dedicated to stopping the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse . . . Whatever . The end result is that Crane wakes up in modern day Sleepy Hollow , having been roused from his long sleep by the resurgence of the Headless Horseman . ( Their blood had mingled on the battlefield , thus tying them together for eternity . ) Cue any number of cliché fish - out - of - water moments : Crane amazed by power windows and locks in cars , and by cars in general , and Starbucks . . . Still , what could be taken to the nth degree is handled fairly well here . There was minimal eye rolling on my part . The modern - day setup is something like : police officer Abbie Mills is all set to go off to Quantico in a few days . ( This is evidently a variation of someone being ready to retire , like Murtaugh in Lethal Weapon . In this case retirement doesn 't work as an excuse because Abbie is too young . ) But on a call to a local farm , Abbie and the sheriff encounter the Headless Horseman . ( Didn 't Highlander also do the Horseman thing ? Yeah , they did . ) He cuts off the sheriff 's head . And then Crane is picked up as a suspect cuz he 's so fucking weird and obviously a loony , right ? Crane is remanded for psychological evaluation and treatment , seeing as he obviously has delusions about being from Revolutionary times . But Mills feels like Crane might be their best chance at figuring out what is going on . And then she also goes through the dead sheriff 's files and finds more about these covens and the Four Horsemen , a string of cases that seem related to them . . . Including the case of her and her sister , who themselves had experienced something strange when they were younger . Meanwhile , Crane is led by a hawk ( Katrina 's familiar ? ) to her grave , where he sees she was burned for being a witch . A dream of her ( vision ? ) informs him that she is not buried there , but the Headless Horseman 's skull is . Crane and Abbie go to dig it up , but the Horseman comes calling . Still , they manage to keep their heads and his . Abbie of course must now decide she will not go to Quantico after all . She will stay in Sleepy Hollow . Because she is part of something bigger - she and Crane are the two witnesses mentioned in Revelation 11 ( just for comparison , the title of one of those Highlander episodes : " Revelation 6 : 8 " ) . The show is now set up for monster - of - the - week plotlines paired with continuation of established mythology . Sleepy Hollow is plagued by bad CGI ( the horse 's glowing eyes just one example ) and sometimes clunky dialogue . And it is in many ways an obvious cobbling of so many current trends and influences . The mythology is already convoluted , and it 's only just getting started . But despite all these flaws , I still found the pilot mildly entertaining . And Tom Mison is not bad to look at for an hour . I 'll watch again next week to see if they can pull it off . I read this book back when it first came out , picked it up on the New Releases shelf at the library after having recognized the title as one that many critics were lauding . And I remember liking the book , though I do not recall all the details of the story . Still , based on my recollection , the film adheres pretty well to the novel . The Descendants is the story of Matt King ( George Clooney ) , a lawyer in Oahu whose wife Elizabeth is in a coma after a boating accident . Matt has always been too busy for his family , and now he finds himself saddled with sole care of his daughters Alexandra ( Shailene Woodley ) and Scotty ( utterly adorable and somewhat underutilized Amara Miller ) . Meanwhile , Matt is also in the midst of a complicated legal arrangement in that he and his cousins must sell a large parcel of land and are trying to determine which developer 's bid to accept . I know from experience it is difficult to take a thoughtful story and turn it into a movie . Something like The Descendants features many conversations and not a lot of action , aside from ( in this case ) having George Clooney run around a lot . Still , it is a good film , and a touching one . And wardrobe did a fine job of making sure there were lots of Hawai ' ian shirts to enjoy . Still , I had to wonder if Patricia Hastie ( as Elizabeth ) is one of those actresses hired on crime shows to play corpses . How does one stay so still while people act around them ? ( I once had to play Polonius in Hamlet , and when I was killed and fell out from behind the curtain , it was the most difficult acting moment of my life to just lie there and then also remain dead weight when Hamlet pulled me off stage . ) There isn 't much to say about The Descendants . Maybe it 's meant to make people think about the different ways people deal with grief . And whether one kind of grief trumps another . Is the death of a spouse worse than discovering they 've had an affair ? Maybe those are two kinds of deaths . If so , what happens when they coincide ? Does one fail to matter in the light of the other ? It 's interesting , maybe , what does and doesn 't matter when faced with such a situation . What you say , and to whom . . . And the things you keep to yourself . . . Private versus public sorrow . . . These are all things that occurred to me while watching . But I was probably putting a little too much thought into it . Problem was , I needed to think about something because the film itself didn 't quite require all my attention . So on the one hand , it might be good that the film made me think . But on the other hand , I 'm not sure a movie that allows your attention to wander so far is actually all that good . : : shrug : : Some movies are designed to be conversation pieces , made to bring up topics for you to think and talk about . I 'm not sure that was the point of The Descendants . But that 's where I landed . Because otherwise , as nice a film as it is , it would have been boring . Tonight 's episode saw a number of interesting moments . For one , Tom lashes out and tells Chloe that he wasn 't Danny 's best friend , that he in fact hated Danny and is glad Danny is dead . Wow . Truthfully , Tom was central to many developments over the course of the show . He asked Reverend Paul whether information that has been deleted from a computer is gone forever , and when Paul told him there were recovery programs that could restore the information , Tom was later found trying to destroy a notebook computer . ( Why he chose to do this outside where people - like Reverend Paul - might easily encounter him is yet another unanswered question in what has become a long line . ) Also , Tom went for a walk on the beach where he encountered Susan Wright and her dog once more . And when Susan asked Tom if he wanted to visit her mobile home and feed the dog treats , he agreed . I 'll give him partial credit for showing some hesitation , but he still fails for going with a woman he hardly knows . And then Susan gave Tom Danny 's skateboard . ( She did this after finding out Tom 's mother was on the murder investigatory team , so one has to wonder what she was thinking . ) Tom promptly took the skateboard home , quite pleased with his prize , which led to a police visit to Susan 's caravan . . . But she wasn 't there . Instead , she was at the newspaper office . Because Maggie had left a note on Susan 's door . Seems she 'd done some digging ( or rather , had friends who knew where to dig ) and found fertile soil in Susan 's past . From the newspaper office , Susan was taken into custody . Alas , she refused to say anything because her dog was missing . See , the dog had been left tied up outside the newspaper office . But Nigel saw him there and took him . Appeared to shoot him ( with a crossbow ? ) . . . But in clips for next week we saw the dog alive and well , so that 's all right at least . I was prepared to be very upset . Only two more episodes ! How ever will they wrap this up ? ! Also . . . What will they do next season ? I mean , Broadchurch only has so many residents . You can 't start killing them all off . Will it be a tourist who gets it next time ? Or will they move away from murder altogether ? Curious to find out . . . An aside : About Danny 's mobile phone - it 's missing , but seems to me they could at least have checked with the phone company about ( a ) its location and / or ( b ) what numbers Danny had dialed ( or had dialed him ) and / or any texts sent or received ? Did they do that ? Did I miss it ? In fact , I 've noticed that news comes in batches . You hope it 's all good . Sometimes it 's all bad . And then there are days like today , wherein I woke up to bad news but have now received some good news to balance things out a bit . Bad news first , as they say : 20 August failed to make the Top 100 of Table Read My Screenplay . Didn 't even make the list of Honorable Mentions . This was the contest St . Peter in Chains won last year , so I had what I thought were reasonable expectations of at least making the first round of cuts . But again , screenwriting is subjective . All art is , really . And though on the whole 20 August has received very positive feedback , there have been one or two people / places that have not liked it . Can 't please everyone . But then ! The good news : 20 August made the short list for the Silent River Film Festival River Scroll Award ! So that 's exciting . Instead of one of 100 , I 'm one of 12 . That 's not so bad . And on a day when I really needed a pick - me - up , this is a nice one . Like many bright kids , my son has difficulty organizing himself . His brain is going a mile a minute and in one hundred different directions , so sometimes even the simplest things fall through the cracks . The psychologist who tested him told us that many such kids find easy things difficult because they are more interested in and focused on complex thoughts and ideas . For example , when she asked him easy questions , my son 's mind would wander , and he 'd often be unable to answer . It was only when the questions were sufficiently challenging to keep him interested that he became engaged - and answered all of them correctly . Carolyn Dalgliesh 's book is for parents of kids who are similarly bright , or who for whatever reasons have trouble navigating the everyday tasks so many of us take for granted . Some kids are distracted , some require routine , some have anxiety issues . . . Whatever the case , The Sensory Child Gets Organized helps parents set their kids up for success rather than failure . I 'll give you an example of how this book helped me with my son . He 's bright , as I 've mentioned , and therefore easily distracted . So whenever I give him verbal instructions , he almost immediately forgets them . This is because the instructions are almost too simple , and his brain immediately wanders off to think about other things . ( Is there anything more frustrating than telling your child to go put his shoes on , only to have him wander back in a minute later without shoes , but wanting to know something about isotopes ? This is a regular occurrence in our home . ) So what I 've learned is : My son is not a audial learner . He needs something visual to reference . Per Dalgliesh 's suggestion , we 've developed a printed , color - coded schedule . Now my son knows where to be and when , right down to the ten minutes before school when he should be gathering his homework and putting on his shoes . And so far it 's working much better than my yelling at him four times every morning ! Every child is different , of course , and their needs will be different as well . But Dalgliesh has any number of ideas and recommendations that parents might pick and choose from , thus putting together a workable solution for their children . For instance , next I might try breaking down chores into charts with pictures . Though many of us do things like put laundry away without giving it much thought , some kids ( like mine ) benefit from more discreet instructions such as those Dalgliesh gives on pages 133 and 135 . Howards End has a plot in it somewhere - there 's a story , if you can read through all the embedded ideals and philosophies , and get past the thick descriptions of England itself . Forster does a lovely job with all these things , of course , but when you get down to the actual story , it 's very thin . It doesn 't have to be ; Forster could have expanded it . But that doesn 't seem to have been his aim . What do we learn from Forster in Howards End ? That who owns a house has less to do with the deed and more to do with attachment , I suppose . Emotional connection . Some people are attached to things , to property , because they are materialistic , and it makes them feel good about themselves to own houses and cars and whatever else . Somehow this makes them feel secure . It gives them a definite place in the social hierarchy and becomes how they define themselves . But the emotional connection in these instances is one supported by fear - fear of not having , of going without . These people are like squirrels storing up nuts against a cold winter . Then there are people who form attachments to things for other , more ephemeral reasons . A place " speaks " to them . And this emotional connection develops out of love and understanding . There is a commune , an unspoken dialogue between the person and the place ( or the tree , or whatever other thing the person has become attached to ) . Yes , even if it is a house or country to which you have no family connection , you may fall in love with it as with another person and know you are meant to be together . There are other themes in the book , ones I 've written about in previous posts . The practical people in the world being at odds with the idealists . And yet one cannot do without the other , not really . If the world were all idealists , we 'd have a great many thoughts but difficulty putting them to any practice . And if it were all practical types , we 'd never make any progress because we 'd all be devoted to just doing what we 've always done , the way we 've always done it . The best sorts of people are able to do both to some extent , I guess . Or the best couples are the ones who balance one another out . But one cannot go through life unchanged , either . Margaret 's marriage necessarily changes the way she sees and does things , at least a bit . And Helen is also changed , affected by Margaret 's marriage and also by her own pregnancy , which forces her to be more practical than she had been . As for Howards End itself , I 'm glad to be able to say they do eventually go there , and so finally a swath of the book takes place in the titular location . But still , it 's mostly an ideal in the form of a place . So are all the locations in the book , I think . And maybe that 's true in the world . Maybe places - houses - are ideals made flesh . I 'm pretty sure I 've seen or read things about the " rhetoric of architecture " or whatever . Houses might be the skins of families and the people who live in them the organs functioning within . Or something like that . I did enjoy the book , though I 'll choose something lighter for my next read . Because while I don 't mind being made to think - I like that , actually - Forster laid it all on rather thickly . Reading Howards End was a bit like eating something heavy and dense . So now I 'll go in search of something sweet and fluffy . . . I was thinking today - or really , the thought crossed my brain somewhat at random - that I should re - read The Dead Zone . And that got me thinking about Stephen King books in general , and which were my favorites . And that got me thinking about Dean [ R . ] Koontz , too , because of course I started with those . When I was a kid , my dad and I would sit out on the deck with a telescope , and he would tell me stories . These were the stories from the books he was reading , and so this was how I first heard of Frodo and The Ring , and of Smaug , and even of Sherlock Holmes . And then , when I was in fourth or fifth grade , my dad gave me a copy of Koontz 's Lightning . And I loved it . Went on to read Watchers , and Twilight Eyes , and The Bad Place , among others . Having developed a taste for the extraordinary , I got it in my head to thieve some of Dad 's Stephen King . Now , like me , my dad has Asperger 's . But we have two different ways of managing our bookshelves . He goes by last name and then by title , as one would in a library . I separate my books into genre / topic , then go by last name , then by publication date ( but separate my hard cover books from my paperbacks , else the shelf just looks messy ) . This is beside the point except to say that I tried to hide the fact that I 'd slipped IT off the shelf by shoving another book into the blank space . But of course Dad noticed right away . " Just don 't tell your mother , " was all he said to me . And so IT became the first Stephen King book I ever read , and for that it will always hold a special place in my heart . I did really enjoy it . But there are a number of King books that I like more . Salem 's Lot I 've read many times over , and also The Dead Zone . Those are two of my favorites . I also really liked Bag of Bones and Duma Key , to name a couple more recent titles . I never did read Carrie , couldn 't get into Christine , but The Dark Half was great , and I liked Needful Things , which I 'll always remember as having seen me through a long flight to Alaska . And Misery , of course , is a classic . I went into writing this thinking I 'd be making some kind of list of my favorite Stephen King books , but I 'm not sure I could rank them . There are so many I haven 't read , and so many I tried to read but couldn 't get through - to say all his books are wonderful would be to tell a big lie ; someone so prolific can 't bat a thousand . I 'll always be beholden to Insomnia for introducing me to Stephen Dobyns ; as for the rest , I couldn 't finish it , what with the Great Gazoo or whatever it was floating around . I read Pet Sematary , and I read The Shining . Never got around to Firestarter . Dad told me the story of Cujo during one of those dark night chats on the deck . And of course I 've read any number of Stephen King stories in all those anthologies . . . The cover to Skeleton Crew , the one with the cymbal - clanging monkey toy , always bothered me far more than all the eyes on the hand on the Night Shift cover . I was chatting with a friend not so long ago , and Stephen King 's Castle Rock came up , and I guess it is in Needful Things that this happens , this moment that we both recalled so clearly though it 's been years since either of us read it : Alan catching the glass . We even said it at the same time , my friend and I , and it is a testament to Mr . King 's writing that this sticks out . I 've often found that his stories rooted mostly in the real world - stuff like The Dead Zone and Bag of Bones - resonate most with me . The idea of the extraordinary injected into the ordinary . . . That is powerful . Because everyone wants to experience something amazing in life . At least , we all think we do . Because we all assume that something amazing = something good . But King shows us that the extraordinary is not always welcome . That " amazing " can just as easily be " horrific . " King reminds us that the original roots to " wonderful " and " awesome " are not always meant in a pleasant way . One of my all - time favorite movies is The Prestige , which I saw before ever reading the book ( which is also fantastic ) . And I really liked The Illusionist , too . I like movies about magicians , really , and I like heist movies ( think Ocean 's Eleven , 2001 ) . And so maybe I was primed to like this one as well . I was actually prepared to dislike it , just based on the few reviews of it I 'd read back when it came to cinemas in May . I was thinking it would be corny , was waiting for the plot to fall apart . Surprisingly , however , it holds together fairly well . I didn 't spot the big twist until Morgan Freeman made the phone call to Mark Ruffalo . And even then , I was wondering if I was right . I was , but it didn 't make the movie any less fun to watch . The trick ( har ) in a movie like Now You See Me is to put in enough subtleties that the viewer is forced to question everything . Make all possible theories seem plausible for as long as you can . This keeps the viewer guessing and engaged . The movie itself is about four magicians brought together to complete three amazing acts , the first in Vegas , the second in New Orleans , and finally NYC . If you 've seen the trailer , you know the act in Vegas involves a bank robbery . This sets the FBI on the trail of these " Four Horsemen " magicians . Hilarity ensues . Well , no , the movie isn 't all that funny , though Woody Harrelson does a nice job as comic relief . But Now You See Me moves fast enough that one doesn 't have time to mourn a lack of comedy . While the heists may not be quite as clever as Ocean 's Eleven , there 's still a lot of fun to be had in watching them and picking them apart . And in anticipating the answer at the end of the film . In short , Now You See Me was better than I expected given the weakish reviews I 'd read . And I guess it did all right at the box office despite the critics because a sequel is in the works . I have mixed feelings about that , I must say . Some things are better left alone , and it 's difficult to make a second such movie as smart and clever as its sire ; the audience at that point becomes wise to your ways , but if the writers learn some new tricks . . . Let 's look at it this way : Margaret agreed to marry Henry at a time in which she was also looking for a permanent residence because the house she and her siblings had lived in was to be demolished . In marrying Henry , Margaret had the expectation of a permanent home ( or maybe more than one ) as part of the deal . However , Henry refuses to live at Howards End , and he sells the other house Margaret likes ( Oniton ) , and they end up in a house in London that neither of them seems to see as a " forever " kind of residence , so . . . Anyway , it gets mentioned in passing that they decide to build a house . Is that a metaphor for marriage ? Building something new rather than inhabiting something old ? And Margaret must necessarily change as well . If Helen is idealism and Henry is practicality , Margaret , who started more on the side of Helen , now shuttles between the two , working to find a balance that will serve not only her needs but the needs of those around her . She now filters her high ideals through Henry 's practical , rational sieve . In some ways this is obvious manipulation - Margaret has not changed the way she thinks so much as the way she behaves because she instinctively knows how to " handle " Henry . And this is not a mean thing ; she actively works to preserve what she sees as Henry 's fragile personality . For all his bombast , he has definite chinks in his armor . Helen , of course , sees Margaret 's marriage to Henry as a defection . And to add to that , poor Mr . Bast is dragged into things when he loses his job after having followed advice from Helen and Margaret - advice they received from Henry and duly passed on , thinking they were doing Mr . Bast some good . Helen is determined that Henry should make things right because he is directly ( in her view ) responsible for Mr . Bast 's situation . Alas , Mrs . Bast comes along for this encounter and it is discovered that she was , some ten years before , Henry 's mistress . It might all be very soap operatic except somehow Forster prevents that from happening . He is too busy talking about England and ideals to suds up the story much . While Margaret and Helen are drawn with much detail , the other characters are such a sketch that it is difficult to get inside them . Margaret and Helen might as well live in a world of ghosts , the way they walk dreamily through things happening around them . Did I ruin it for you there ? Sorry . But this episode was practically a PSA for the need not to believe everything you see and read in the press . To get all the facts , to think for oneself , and to behave in a rational way . Last week we saw the case against Jack Marshall building as it was uncovered he had a prior conviction for sexual relations with a minor . And of course conclusions were handily leaped to , though even then I wondered that no one was using a gendered pronoun in relation to said prior , and this week it was revealed that , yes , Jack had slept with a 15 - year - old girl . Whom he later married and had a son with , but both were killed in a car accident . At which point Jack packed up his old life and started fresh in Broadchurch . Oh , and meanwhile , Nigel also tried to pay Susan off with 500 quid ( about $ 780 ) . For what ? We don 't know . She wouldn 't take it , said they needed to " work it out together . " She also got creepily cozy with Ellie 's son Tom at the arcade , when Tom made friends with Susan 's dog . She told him he could come by any time to see the dog , maybe take him for a walk . Is that weird ? I feel like that 's weird . Awkward times were being had by our lead detectives . Ellie was asked out by Brian , who is a SOCO ( that 's a " Scenes of Crime Officer " for those who don 't speak UK Police ) , even though he knows she 's married - she just needed to emphasize she was happily married . And Alec made a tentative pass at Becca and was flatly refused . Ouch . Oh , and they also figured out the burning boat belonged to Ellie 's brother - in - law , though he 's been gone a couple months and anyone might have taken it ; access to said boat was not guarded . Take Shaun of the Dead , marry it to Hot Fuzz , and Doctor Who the whole thing up a bit , and you might get something like The World 's End . Maybe . Only , with all that , I feel like The World 's End should have been better . It should have been funnier , at least . I didn 't much laugh . All the jokes came across as forced , as if every actor was all too aware of the beats for each line . It made the whole thing seem very inorganic and unnatural . And maybe that was the point , since the story is about people being taken over by not - robots . Or rather , replaced by these simulations of their selves , mechanical things that break ridiculously easily but also regenerate . Like I said , pretty much a Doctor Who kind of plot , or any old - school sci - fi . Not a bad thing when done well , but it wasn 't so different from the zombies in Shaun of the Dead , either . Didn 't they hide in a pub , and fight in a pub , in that movie too ? And there was some of that in Hot Fuzz - the fighting in the pub , and having to go up against a whole town . Conformity is clearly an ongoing theme in this loose trilogy of films . Here , the insidious nature of being " assimilated " not through a hostile takeover á la the Borg , but through gentle " merger " . . . Maybe there is a capitalist undertone here as well , a story that mounts against big business in favor of the little , independent endeavors . Friendship is another theme in these movies , and I think this is perhaps where World 's End didn 't work for me . Despite the long exposition at the start of the movie ( or maybe because of it ) , I didn 't quite feel the bond these men were supposed to have with one another . Pegg plays Gary , one - time leader of this band of misfits , that guy in school who always believed he was cooler than he really was . Now pushing 40 , Gary is one of those sad cases whose best years were the ones in school ; he spends his time [ in rehab ] reliving those golden years of his youth . He is the poster child for arrested development . All of Gary 's friends have grown up and moved on , but Gary gets the bright idea of getting them all to go back to their home town for a pub crawl . ( Yes , yes , there 's this whole story of how they 'd tried it once before and failed to finish , but this plot point fell flat even though it was also supposed to be driving the movie . ) From the start I was wondering why any of these guys agreed to Gary 's plan . Because they feel sorry for him ? They seem to hate him a bit , and with reason ; he 's utterly obnoxious . Not someone you 'd bring over for dinner and let meet the wife and kids . But off they all go . . . And again , the stuff that is clearly supposed to be funny isn 't , mostly because it 's so obviously supposed to be funny . Truthfully , a lot of the film was boring . And then there was a love triangle that fell apart and lacked any tension . And Martin Freeman playing the same character he always plays ( reluctant adventurer , timid voice of reason , severe straight man ) . And fight scenes cut in such a way they seemed to be hiding an inadequacy of some sort . ( But then again , that 's how all Edgar Wright 's fight scenes look . Still , it worked in Scott Pilgrim . Not so much here . ) The film did pick up a bit once we met the Cybermen simulations , which end up being called " Blanks " when no one in our band of heroes can agree on a term for them . And yet the very fact they continue with the pub crawl , and their extremely flimsy reasoning for doing so , made most of the rest of the film wobbly . I don 't demand a huge amount of logic from this kind of movie , but some things one just can 't quite get past . Still , when pulled apart , World 's End does at least shine yet another light on the quest for adulthood and the hollow promises therein . What does it mean to be a " grown - up " ? Maybe , in a way , it means being replaced by some robotic version of oneself , one with limited memories of happier days . How many people go through the motions in life ? But Gary 's life isn 't any better . He 's stuck in his past and unable to make progress . So the quest must be for a happy medium . Maybe Gary 's need to finish the pub crawl is about reaching some threshold so that he can finally break free and move forward . ( Except the end of the film negates that take . So maybe Gary is just a lost cause . ) I don 't know . I went in wanting to like this movie and wanting to laugh , and I walked out not really having done either . Shame , because Hot Fuzz is one of my all - time favorites . ( And Shaun of the Dead is all right , though not one of my all - time favorites . ) I guess World 's End at least proves you can never really recapture old glory . Award - winning screenwriter , produced playwright , and bestselling author of Sherlock Holmes stories . Her latest novel BRYNNDE , is a light Regency romance romp . M has performed and taught Shakespeare and worked on film sets .
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byFD45 © This story is dedicated to the Makers : those who throw their hats in the ring and take a chance making something that others judge without taking any risks . I would also like to thank mikothebaby for her efforts on this piece and all the other editors on Literotica . That is a tedious and frequently thankless job , but like Angelina Jolie 's make up artists , they make us writers look good . They are the refiners . Outside of my office , my secretary of all of 6 months was yelling at a man who was trying to burst into my office . From the sounds of it , security was there as well . And yet Mindy , a temp that I happened to take a shine to , was loyally stopping all of them . But I don 't know how long she could do it . It was decision time . The actions I took were going to change my life immensely . I carefully punched in the number I had to look up on my iPhone . " Hello ? Hi Randy . My name is Jim Reynolds . I need you to process an order for me . . . " " Just sign the damned paper , Jim . " Andrew said to me . " I 've already vetted it . It 's standard boilerplate for an IPO . Just don 't sell until I tell you to . " I looked keenly at Andrew Schwartz , our business asshole . His face seemed distracted and a little put out . This seemed to be the ten thousandth document that I 'd signed in the last week and all of our nerves were getting on edge . Harry Loeb , our unfortunately named lawyer , gave me a nod . Both of them had been with me when we started Ipswitch Inc . a bunch of years ago so I signed . Finally , Gordon Jenkins broke out a bottle of champagne and poured as the four of us toasted finally getting on the NASDAQ as the newest IPO starting Monday . Ipswitch Inc does custom designed software for router systems and , if I do say so myself , we have some innovative work . Andrew was the business maven , Gordon oversaw installation and product development , Harry was our lawyer , and I designed the code . Yes , it was more complicated then that . We had a hundred employees and wanted to get the money to hire more . A lot of businesses had expressed interest in our work and our numbers were good enough for Andrew to shop our company to a bunch of underwriting banks . We were nowhere near big enough to touch a Goldman Sachs , though they had a tiny piece of us through some complicated money wrangling that I really didn 't bother to understand . I mean , my job was code and making sure my code writers were organized and pulling in the same direction . That 's why we had Andrew . He handled the business side of the deal . We had finished our toasts when Andrew came up and put his hand on my shoulder . " So what 's happening with the Nerd Herd ? The new version churning along ? " I sighed . " Please don 't let them hear you say that . Yes , we 're on schedule and it should be done soon . " It was a bit of contention between the two of us . Andrew was pushing for new product for his sales team to sell , while I wanted to make sure that the product was of very high quality without under servicing our current customers . I 'd been doing code and IT for a long time before we started our own company , and I knew that customers who weren 't serviced became ex - customers . Obviously we were at loggerheads frequently , but with Harry and Gordon acting as referees , we had a good working relationship and had come to a balance . He pushed me to perform and I restrained his over exuberance . " You 're going to have a problem with this IPO and the shares thing . " Andrew was referring to my stance on the board . I was finishing school in 2000 and had joined up with a tech company . My new bride Allie and I were buoyant at my future prospects , and my first job had included a generous package of company shares . Anyone who remembers that time knows how many tech companies imploded . While we hadn 't been one of those ' paper millionaires ' , racking up a large amount of debt , our compensation left us nothing when my first job crashed and it was a very cold and lonely time to be a software designer . Most of my fellow classmates were in similar predicaments . Based on my experience , I made sure that we paid money to our designers , not just shares of a private company . Andrew thought it would be cheaper and add more incentives to give them shares . Having eaten my fair share of post collegiate ramen noodles , I disagreed . It came to our ' board ' , the four of us . Gordon was with me on this , being similar in age , but Andrew showed us the financials until Harry hammered out a compromise : everyone got a base salary , but they had the option of getting shares in lieu of bonuses and other compensation . It must have been a good agreement because Andrew and I were both deeply dissatisfied . Still , he had a point . Those who bought shares now had the potential of having them ride reasonably high in the next three months . Those who didn 't might be resentful . I had several of our workers trying to shift their packages at the last minute . " We should go back to the party . " This bit of final business , of course , had to be celebrated with a party . Andrew had insisted . For one thing we needed to keep our venture capitalists happy . For another , those of us married had to keep our wives happy . It had been a very rough couple of months , between analysts breathing down our necks and vetting the various underwriters who wanted our business . It was a funny thing , starting an IPO . It was like a delicate teen aged romance , with the both parties checking out if we were ' sexy ' enough for the other in terms of immediate share growth and ' stable ' enough for long term potential . This meant long hours . Andrew , a bachelor , ate and drank business and it meant nothing to him . Even during the party , he had CNBC on a television somewhere in view , albeit muted . " How are things going with you and Allie ? " he asked as we came to the top of the stairs looking down on his modern living area . It was typical Andrew : modern , open , and designed to be seen with lots of windows everywhere . The entire back wall was a window to the outside . I looked at my wife of 11 years . She was in her element , talking , glad handing , even flirting with the various friends and business people that were invited . Her blonde hair was nodding as she smiled at some witticism told by an over 60 businessman who invested with us in the early days . His hand was familiarly holding her elbow . She laughed , pressed her hand against his chest , moving him back and held her glass up , showing it empty and headed to the bar . It was a nicely practiced gesture which put up boundaries without offending . In other words , pure Allie . " Well . . . you know , Andy . It 's like most relationships : a sine wave . It goes up and it goes down . " I traced it in the air for him . " You are such a nerd . " He laughed at me . I frowned . " She hasn 't liked the hours of writing code , but I figure when she sees the money the IPO brings in , she 'll get over it . If there 's anything she likes besides me ; it 's money . " He chuckled in agreement . Allie had wanted to be high maintenance for a long time and had inflicted her desires for a nice life as quickly as our budget allowed . We 'd had conflicts on the issue , but nothing out of the ordinary , or so I thought . I left him and wandered over to where she was talking to a couple , taking a moment to stop at the buffet and load up a plate of noshes . The strange woman was a standard California girl in a green dress and the man with her had rugged good looks and wavy brown hair . Time for me to show the flag . Allie chatted with the two of them merrily , catching my approach out of the corner of her eye . " Her husband Jim . " I said . She gave that little pause that meant what I did had tweaked her but she continued like nothing had happened . " Of course you 're my husband . We have matching wedding rings , silly . " ' Silly ' was slightly stressed . He laughed " Just kidding . I 'm Phil and this is Terry , my wife , so don 't you go making a play for her , dude . " He slid his arm around her waist . We had set our boundaries and started chatting . Things were going well . He had a few questions about the business which I didn 't totally flub and then some guy who wasn 't looking where he was going nudged my elbow , causing me to spill my plate which I was juggling one handed as I stood and talked . " Oops ! " The salsa spilled down my shirt . " Oh Jiiimm " my wife chided . She quickly knelt and started to clean up the mess on the carpet . " This is going to stain . Don 't step in it . " she said unnecessarily . I hadn 't moved . " I can see why your parents didn 't name you ' Grace ' . " Phil said . I rolled my eyes at him and Allie grabbed my arm . " Come on . We need to fix that shirt . " " It 's silk ! " she said , continuing to drag me to the kitchen . We didn 't stop there and went right through a back door into the utility room around a corner where I 'd never been before . " Strip off your shirt . " she snapped at me . " You could have moved out of the way . " She opened an upper cabinet , glanced inside for a few moments , grabbed a bottle of Shout and started to get the stain out in the utility sink . Now I 'd spend the rest of the night with a wet shirt . God forbid we call it an early night . I sighed . This had plagued my marriage from the beginning . She loved me , but she always thought I was a bit maladroit . I guess it came from my tech education . I mean , I bathed regularly and didn 't leer down girls dresses . I had never been to a Star Trek convention . But I had odd hobbies and odder friends . At least they were odd to a girl who was more prone to the social scene then the parent 's basement . You may think that she was cold when we got home and you 'd be half right . During the drive , I got the usual ' post game ' analysis of what I did to embarrass her . She thought of it as ' helping me grow . ' I thought it was just being bitchy . But when we got home to the bedroom , she immediately stripped her blouse off . " Show me what you got , big guy . " she said in a husky voice . You see , she 's a very social person . When she goes out into her element , like a party or a gathering or even a political meeting , it lights her fire . So unless I behaved horribly or she was already pissed about something , our nights after a party were quite energetic . I was barely able to get the soiled shirt open before she was kneeling and working on my belt . " Come on come on ! " she said , pulling my fly open and unbuttoning my waistband . Two quick tugs on my boxers and her mouth engulfed my penis , which barely had time to wake up from his slumber . I watched her head bob up and down on Mr . Happy and considered how lucky I was . Sure she was a bitch some of the time and she had a hole in her wallet , but in most other regards , she was a pretty good wife . She slowly pulled up her skirt and revealed the tops of her stockings . That was another thing we agreed on . She loved high end stockings , not panty hose , and I was more then willing to pay the price . I smiled broadly as she pushed me onto the bed and started stalking up my frame . " I had such a good time tonight . Let me show you how much . " She moved the gusset of her thong to the side and impaled herself while moving my hands up to her breasts . They were still magnificent after eleven years . Of course , avoiding kids helped . I loved to watch her slide up and down on my cock as I lightly pinched and fondled her . She put her head back and made those little sounds which put a shiver down my spine . Normally , we spent the beginning on mutual oral , but occasionally , she decided to forego that and go straight to the fucking . It was traditional of us for her to ride out her orgasm first , though she was less satisfied on top . It helped me last a lot longer and she could get warmed up . She gave a little shudder and I felt her vagina clench , her head still back . I slid out from under her and positioned myself behind her , pushing her down on all fours . She gasped in appreciation and I slid into her , making my strokes slow and measured as I tried to keep control . This position was always incredibly erotic to me and it was hard for me to keep control . " Jim . . . now now NOW ! " she said in a gasping breath . This was the signal . I pulled out of her and flipped her on her back and shoved into her hard ! Her legs wrapped around me tightly and I started thrusting , no longer caring about lasting at all . She gave two great shudders and bucked a little bit as I once again felt her clench on my cock . I groaned and filled her with my sperm . She liked sex but she LOVED missionary position and we always ended that way . We laid there panting for a few moments and I was about to reach for her when she rolled out of bed and went to the bathroom . " That was wonderful Jim , but I need to clean up . " I watched her golden ass undulate toward our master bathroom and heard the water run . That was one of the things I didn 't appreciate so much . Once she was done with sex , she was done with sex . She didn 't seem to be appreciating the afterglow as much these days . Coming back , she stopped at her dresser and slid into a nightgown . I guess seconds weren 't in the cards . She tossed me a warm washcloth and climbed into bed , shutting off the light , her clothes still scattered around on the floor . It was the very next day that things started to get odd . We had our signing party on a Friday and I was lounging at home . Our house was at that transition point from ' house ' to ' mansion ' . It was very well equipped and had been one of the occasional fights we had over money . Allie wanted a place ' befitting our station ' and I wanted a place we could afford easily . Granted , I was bringing over a quarter mill a year in salary and company profits , but that wasn 't a lot in California . I was uncomfortable with the cost of the place . I was NOT uncomfortable with the house itself ! I had to give Allie credit . It was very nice and homey , nothing like the cement California house that Andrew favored . She had decorated it very well and had even done so under budget , though the occasional knick knack kept showing up . I sat in my paneled den , and had just cut a bunch of code when my email announcer dinged . I booted it up and saw it was from my buddy Karl . I hadn 't heard from him since I sent him the parameters for our beta version of our new programs and I thought it might be some of the design work I farmed out to him . Jim , some guy came by my mother 's house to talk to me about the Ryleh Beta . Of course I was at Sheila 's at the time , so I missed him . He said he wanted to discuss things with me confidentially . He knew the Beta number . " I met Karl back in Middle School . We fell together because my family had moved to an isolated ranch house in the middle of nowhere and the only kid within 10 miles was Karl . . . and I found out why . Karl had Complex Tourette 's Syndrome . This was before Tourettes was particularly well known ; certainly before any HBO special . And kids can be cruel . Karl was an angry boy , so his parents moved him to a farming community . For lack of anyone else , we were thrown together . We initially had our ups and downs as companions . But that first summer , something magical happened : his parents bought him a Sega Genesis . Within the first week , his mother had to pop the circuit breakers to get us out of the living room . By winter , we were both shoveling driveways , collecting cans and doing any number of chores to be able to buy the next big video game . Castlevania , Mortal Combat and Sonic were our constant companions . Eventually , we got a few more guys into the game . While Karl played , he didn 't have his ticks . When I decided to go to college , Karl practically begged me to go to the same school as him and be his roommate . I agreed . We both went into computer science , born of our love of video games and what we thought the future held . Unfortunately , while most cases of Tourette 's diminished with age , Karl 's did not . In school , I was his roommate , confidant and sometimes tutor . I had other friends I palled around with , which made me feel guilty , but I also wanted to get laid and Karl was a bit of a buzz kill when it came to cruising chicks . So I split my social life between him and the ' meet ' market . I had met Allie in my Junior year and we started to get very serious in Senior year . She didn 't interact with Karl much since I kept those two sides of my life separate . Outside of an occasional movie together , we traveled in different circles . And looking back , my relationship with Allie helped pull me away from my friendship with Karl . I felt bad about it on reflection , but it was something that happens in all relationships , particularly when a girl gets involved . Allie had always been much more social , and we complemented each other nicely . She was even less fiscally savvy then I was ( I have math skills ) . Once , I had asked her why she accepted my overtures well after we had started dating , and she said quite forthrightly that I was ' the package ' . " The package ? What 's that ? " " The package is what a girl wants in a guy . For most girls , it 's pretty much the same . You need to be nice . You need to be kind of handsome . Too handsome is no good cause you might play around and ugly is no good at all . You need to be easy to be around . You can 't be an asshole . You need to be sporty enough , or in shape enough to be manly . You need to be a bit taller and you need to have good career potential . There 's a lot more , but that 's the basics . " " Nor more so then you checking out my cooking , my family and my ass . " she said frankly . " That 's what dating is all about : finding a suitable mate . Most people don 't realize it but they choose who they love . I happened to choose you , big guy ! " She wrapped her arms around me and laid a kiss on me hot enough to curl my toes and I thought of better things to do then continue the discussion . We got married , expecting things to be wonderful . Then the internet bubble popped . We were both scrambling for work , me doing data entry , and she doing retail to make ends meet . Since we had moved to California , we were isolated from most of our old friends . It was about 6 years after graduation that I ran into him again , when I went home to attend my dad 's funeral . After getting some things arranged , I saw him in a red smock in the back of a Pizza Hut . Frankly , I was appalled , and extended my trip by a day so I could talk to him . He was still looking for a good job , but since so many people were also looking , and he had a number of social gaffes and no experience , he was scraping by with menial labor . byFD45 © 42 comments / 90759 views / 45 favoritesShare the loveTweetReport a BugSubmit bug reportNext3 Pages : 123123GoLogin or Sign UpStoriesPoemsStory SeriesTags PortalChatForumAdult StoreMoviesWebcamsMobile VersionFAQSearchEnglish | Spanish | German | French | Dutch | Other languagesAll contents © Copyright 1998 - 2012 . Literotica is a trademark . No part may be reproduced in any form without explicit written permission . Terms Of Services | Report A Problem | PrivacyUsername : Password : Forgot your password ? Security code : Change pictureYour current user avatar , all sizes : You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation . Select new user avatar : Upload and save
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When I was 23 , I met a young man named Mark through a mutual friend . He was unlike any guy I had ever dated in that he was very settled down , genuinely spiritual and just simply authentic . We became exclusive after getting to know each other for about six months and there was never a dull moment . Really . He was a young preacher and it fascinated me how serious he was about his ministry - especially the time he dedicated to studying . At first , I thought he wasn 't really interested in me because I had never experienced a guy telling me that he was going to do a little work and call me back in three hours . Three hours ! ? But , it wasn 't long before I realized that he kept his word and when he did call back or visit , he was extremely attentive . I admired that about him . After we had been dating for two years , he fell ill and passed away suddenly at the age of 27 . I could barely focus on anything . I had never experienced anyone close to me dying at such a young age and the sheer unexpectedness of it was enough to turn my world upside down . People tried to console me , of course , but I refused to be comforted . At his funeral , one of his friends came up to have words about the impact that Mark had on his life , particularly influencing him to not only develop a relationship with God , but to dedicate his life to it and how that changed everything . I knew that Mark was always reading his Bible and working on sermons . But , during his service I heard so much more about everything that he had been doing at his church , his humility and how many people he had been a beacon to in drawing them to Christ . And even in my grief and haze , I had a moment of clarity . . . I literally wondered , while sitting just few feet from his casket , " what would people say about me if I died today ? " At that time in my life , I was already saved and working in my church . But , I was really just doing things that I had always seen my peers do and what I thought I should do . I wasn 't reaching . And I thought : What if I had , at 27 , done everything that God wShare | Make a playlist to someone , and explain why you chose all the songs . This past weekend was my family reunion here in Atlanta . It was such a great time and I woke up this morning thinking about how much I enjoyed my younger cousins being around . Up until this reunion , I always said " my little cousins , " but yesterday - as they trickled in to my uncle 's house from being out and about around the city - I realized that they are all grown up . They have graduated from college , begun careers and started their own families . . . and are bringing up the rear strong . I understand that many of them see me as stern and expecting a lot , but I hope they know that it 's because I know they are more than capable . And that greatness is within them . Period . I 'm proud of them . So , I 've decided to do a playlist for my not so little cousins - the " whippers . " 1 . Keep Your Head | Kirk Franklin { I believe each of you can do and have anything you desire out of life . } 4 . What 's Going On | Marvin Gaye { There is nothing new under the sun . . . I want you to be aware of what is happening around you and understand that you too have influence . } Hmmmm . I 'm still living so there is still so much for me to do . But , I wish I had taken more time to get to know my paternal grandmother when I was a teen . Although I have a relationship with my dad , I know very little about his side of the family and his memory is now failing . My grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer 's disease in my sophomore year of college and prior to that I had only heard bits and pieces about her family at intervals . The older I get , when I hear stories about the family or specifics about aunts / uncles and cousins , it 's difficult for me to connect with other information I 've heard over the years . I 'll have to pull it together now from my cousins , but I wish I had gotten it direct . Continue Reading A couple of people I dated could have been skipped . But , the boyfriend I had who broke up with me in the airport . . . Yeah , I wish I hadn 't wasted a minute of my time on that . The interesting thing is that our dating relationship grew out of a great friendship . And when he mentioned an interest in me that was more than platonic , I shot it down because I just didn 't see how it would work . He was actually a cool guy . But , I foresaw the potential for something that would ruin our friendship . . . So much so that he actually had to wear me down over the course of a year . It was one of those instances where I ignored that still small voice . I wish I hadn 't . { Today is my 500th post ! ! ! } Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before . What do you do ? Is this even a real question ? . . . I 'd go to wherever she was , which goes back to my answer for Day 2 . Life is too short to hold on to animosities . Continue Reading Your views on drugs and alcohol . I guess my view on both was " just say no " before the campaign even launched . I have spent quite a bit of time , over the years , explaining why I don 't indulge and the bottom line of it for me is spiritual . However , even if I hadn 't made a commitment to abstain , the life - altering effects I have seen drugs and alcohol have on my family and friends , alone , are enough . I was raised and shaped in an extremely religious home , so there are values and beliefs that were our normalcy and that I so appreciate for guiding me . However , as I have grown into adulthood , I 've learned to clearly differentiate activities - like gathering and behaviors - from actual spirituality . While I yet appreciate the principals of religion , spirituality and a complete dedication to living a Godly life is most important to me , and what dictates every step I take . Continue Reading A book you 've read that changed your views on something . I can 't recall a book at the moment , but I have watched a few documentaries recently that could qualify . One in particular is " Which Way Home . " Before watching it , I was anti - immigration . After , I was for policy that would make it possible for immigrants to find a safe haven in the United States . Even with all of my traveling internationally , I was embarrassingly oblivious of the sometimes devastating realities of life abroad . " Which Way Home " shows the personal impact of immigration - following several unaccompanied child migrants as they journey through Mexico en route to the United States on a freight train they call " The Beast . " We 're privvy to the stories of children like Olga and Freddy , nine - year - old Hondurans who are desperately trying to reach their families in Minnesota , and Jose , a ten - year - old El Salvadoran who has been abandoned by smugglers and ends up alone in a Mexican detention center . Theirs and several others are stories of hope and courage , disappointment and sorrow . Not only am I now empathetic , I am extremely grateful for the freedom and means that I have here . Continue Reading Someone or something you definitely could live without . Naysayers . Two of my biggest pet peeves are people who operate out of a half - empty glass perspective and those who always have a " could of , should of , would of " response ready at all times . I can 't . Naysayers waste time . My glass is always half full and I try to stay in motion . So , even if I could have or should have done something a certain way . . . I refuse to let that be a hindrance . Instead of could of , should of or would of , you 're likely to get " now what " from me . Continue Reading Something or someone you couldn 't live without , because you 've tried living without it . I couldn 't live without Jesus . I 've never tried , but there are times when I try to do things on my own accord . . . being impatient or without praying about it first . After all of the times God has blessed and made a situation exactly what I needed it to be , I don 't even know why I would . I couldn 't live without my family . Again , I 've never tried and it 's not even a consideration . I was talking with someone who was trying to get me to understand that there are those family members who are so nerve - wrecking that they cause you to stay away all together . Insert : Blank stare . I said , " no , I don 't . " I grew up living next door to my maternal grandparents and down the street from my paternal grands . I was fortunate to have as many as 10 my first cousins living in the same neighborhood with my brothers and me growing up . We had relay races up and own our street and flagged cars to hurry by in the middle of our football games , played baseball in the field , worked in my grandmother 's garden . . . Life was perfect . I talk to one of my brothers , cousins and aunts / uncles by phone every single day . So , living without that connection is unfathomable . Family is everything to me . I couldn 't live without chocolate ice cream . I have tried and it didn 't work out . Continue Reading Before I started the 30 Days , I went down the list of truths and some of the days made me nervous . This was one of those days . Of course , a name or two comes to mind as soon as I read the query , and I wondered { before starting in } how I 'd be able to really fulfill this challenge without possibly straining a relationship or two in sharing my truths . Simple : I have accepted this as an exercise in searching myself and portioning what is necessary to empty myself out . That has little , if anything , to do with anyone else . And thus , names are irrelevant . With that being said , the heroes I 've had in my life have been people that I knew personally and admired from close proximity . And a few have let me down . . . just as I 'm confident someone could say the same of me . I have learned from being on the receiving and giving end of it . Selah . A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days . On January 16 , 2006 , I was in the morning ecumenical service at one of the high schools in my hometown commemorating Martin Luther King Jr . Day , and some young people did a mime presentation to Kirk Franklin 's rendition of " Keep Your Head . " It was the day before I would be moving to Philadelphia in pursuit of my " big dreams , " and my mind was racing . I was so nervous . Everyone who passed me at the school that day was asking me about my plans and wishing me well , and I could barely even muster conversation . But , after hearing that song , I left the program and went straight out to purchase the CD . I drove to Philly the next day with it on repeat . . . I literally didn 't listen to anything else and it was a mainstay in my life for the next six months . I can 't even really say what it was about that particular offering by Kirk that was so uplifting for me , but it really did comfort me when I was in the midst of such a stark period of newness . Even now , I will put it on and go straight to track 7 , " Imagine Me " and I 'm transported right back to January 2006 . . . I was excited about the adventure , meeting new people , exploring a new city and making my life the life I 'd always wanted to live . And now , I 've realized all that I envisioned ; more , even . It seems like only yesterday . Good times . Continue Reading This is such an awkward question . I 've actually been wracking my brain for a response and I honestly could not think of anything . . . which must be good . People always seem to be pretty complimentary . It puts me in mind of what my mom used to make me and my brothers do when she 'd catch us bickering or calling each other names when we were young . She 'd make us hug and then say something nice about each other . We learned quickly to keep the fighting at a low tone or out of earshot completely . lol Something people seem to compliment you on the most . I get a lot of compliments on my smile , my eyes and my hair . I 'd say an even amount for each . My hair , I appreciate because I have always put a lot of energy into making sure that it 's healthy . I also think that my mom being a stylist for so many years really made me a little fanatical about it always being well - maintained . There was actually a point when I was wearing it short , right before I grew it natural , that I would go to her for hair cuts but wouldn 't even let her curl it . Talk about being OCD . When I was a girl , people always told me that I had big beautiful eyes - even though I wore glasses . I couldn 't wait to get contacts . And then when I found out about Lasik , I had to have it . So , now they 're not hidden behind glasses . I have a love - hate relationship with my smile because it 's so big . I have tried to practice smiling smaller but it 's either a big smile or no smile . Whenever I take pictures , especially with other people who have less teeth showing , it 's the first thing people mention . lol But , these days I 'm loving it more all the time because it reminds me so much of my maternal grandmother and my Aunt Bren 's . Both of them had very bright smiles that were just a little crooked . It 's so interesting me that you can inherit something as specific as a certain muscle movement in your face when you smile . When I smile , I squint my eyes and my mouth pulls down just a bit on the right . I love it . I was so fascinated with the poem about a reason , a season and a lifetime the first time I heard it . In theory , I loved it ; I thought whoever conceived it was so sharp . Sidebar : I hadn 't yet drifted from anyone close to me and so I had not experienced the uncomfortable reality of it all . Friend I had a best friend growing up who was more like a sister to me than any one I believe my mother could have birthed . We were a few years apart in age and so I was like a big sister , but our friendship was well - rounded and we always had so much fun together . For years , we endured the distance of college - - first me going away and then her - without missing a beat . And then it seemed like overnight , our lives were going in different directions and for the first time , we weren 't maintaining . I tried to hang on but realized I was actually kind of flailing and she was going on with her life . It was such a difficult conclusion to arrive at and the reason , season , lifetime thought never once came to the forefront of my mind because I guess I believed that my friendship with her defaulted to lifetime longevity . But , we drifted and the new normal was us chatting when we ran into each other in passing . It was so strange and took me quite a while to adjust to . But , I did . And now as mature women , we are friends again but in a way that you 'd almost never know that we used to be best friends . And I 'm finally okay with that . I say all the time that when I moved from Ohio I was a caterpillar . I kind of believed there was more to me than what even I saw and knew , but I had no idea I 'd evolve as much as I have . I have had many mentors in my life , but one in particular imparted some fundamentals that have driven me in my pursuit of happiness and giving . This individual was so instrumental in my formative years that I assumed , again , that it would be a lifetime relationship . But , when I moved and the frequent contact shifted , so did our relationship . I struggled to salvage it until one day the thought came to me that some relationships at the beginning of your life can be so impactful { because of what is deposited } that they can be confused as lifetime bonds . The reality is : It was a season of seeding , and now that the bearing of fruit has begun , the season and reason have been fulfilled . Continue Reading I dated a guy who broke up with me in the airport . Just typing that made me chuckle because it sounds like something from a movie . But , it 's a true story and I didn 't see it coming , which was pretty crappy . His explanation was that his family didn 't think I was right for him ; also crappy . I assure you , I 'm better off without him and them . If I didn 't have class , I 'd name him here . But , just knowing now that he now realizes his mistake and has tried to no avail to win me back is satisfaction enough . First , Jesus . My relationship with Him has been the single most profound influence in who I am and the decisions I have made throughout my life . While I 've enjoyed wonderful friendships and subsequent experiences over the years , I have never been one to follow the crowd because I always wanted to live a standard - bearing life . If we 've ever conversed at length , you know , I 'm big on a person 's back story . When you look at me and what I have been able to accomplish , you should know that it has been through no goodness of my own . I have worked hard to align myself with the scripture that talks about faith and works . These days , I am compelled to be as transparent as possible because I want to be a beacon . Be clear : Everything that I am is because of God . I assure you , His favor can not be matched by any other relationship or alliance we could possibly make . My mom . I am the embodiment of sacrifice . I appreciate so much that my mom chose my brothers and me first . She didn 't bring men in and out of our house , she raised us in church , she worked to provide for us , and made sure that there was consistency and structure in our home . When I came to crossroads in my life - from traveling abroad as a teen , to going to college and deciding to go out into the world with my move in 2006 - she always supported me and affirmed my desire to achieve beyond my circumstance . I appreciate that she is always my mother first , and did not blur the lines of friend and parent before I was mature enough for an evolution of our relationship . Not only did she offer wise guidance in words , she offered it by example . My grandfather . My maternal grandfather is an icon for me . Period . I haven 't known a greater man . He died in 2006 , but I very much think of him in the present tense because his impression on me was everlasting . Achie Matthews didn 't receive a formal education beyond spotty opportunities to attend school through the 6th grade , but he had an insatiable thirst for knowledge and reverence for education that was mind - boggling . He took a formal class at the public library in my hometown to learn to read at 74 , though he had been studying scriptures and preaching sermons for decades . He , with my grandmother , was a present , providing and empowering father to 15 children . And my cousins and I were fortunate to know him as he aged as both caregivers and his friends . He told me once , while I was a young news reporter , that the most important thing I had was my name and that I should work to make it - alone - enough . My favorite anecdote about him . . . When he turned 85 , the high school in the township where he lived awarded him an honorary high school diploma in a formal ceremony . It was one of the highlights of my life - one because I believed it fit his outlook and respect for education . What I didn 't expect to come of it though was that he 'd be hoping to attend college after . I tContinue Reading I hope I never have to bury another close family member . It 's inevitable , right ? I know . But , that doesn 't stop me from hoping . When my aunt died in 2004 , I didn 't think I 'd be able to recover from that . And I realize that no matter how much a person tries to prepare , the way death changes you is too profound to truly conceive . I hope I never have to give up ice cream . I hope I never have to endure another relationship with a man whose motives are around trying to change me . I hope I never have to clean up vomit . I hope I never have to shovel snow , especially involving digging my car out of a snow pile . { lol } 1 . Travel to Africa . 2 . Become a philanthropist . 3 . Adopt a child . 4 . Pay off at least one person 's student loan debt , besides my own . 5 . Learn to sew and change brake pads . 6 . Write a book . 7 . Get married . 8 . Have a conversation with Oprah Winfrey . 9 . Shed my fear of speaking in front of audiences . 10 . Live in Harlem . Something you have to forgive someone for . I was hoping by the time I got around to posting today that I would be able to end my day of truth by saying that I was resolved . . . Alas , I am not . I need to forgive my ex - bf for not paying me back money that he borrowed . We 've discussed it extensively with no action { I 'm all about action } . And the reality is , it 's just money and I have maintained without it . Since that time , I 've learned that you shouldn 't lend money that you 're not willing to simply give . Lesson learned . Hopefully , forgiveness will follow soon . { Prologue : I have been out of undergrad now for 14 years . } It was my dream to attend an HBCU , and I did - pursuing a bachelor 's degree in political science at Howard University in 1993 . It was my first time living outside of Ohio away from my family and I was as nervous as I was excited . But , I made wonderful friends immediately and loved being in the city . Before going to HU , I had been a pretty focused student throughout high school . I never considered myself book smart , but studied relentlessly to be sure I would have limitless options . My first year at Howard , I did pretty well in all of my classes , except English . I struggled and was all of sudden timid about getting to the bottom line of my problems with my composition assignments . The one time that I did meet with my instructor , she reprimanded me for not coming to see her sooner and told me to get a tutor . Embarrassed , I decided I wouldn 't meet with her again . Moreover , I didn 't get a tutor right away . Needless to say , I had to retake the class . My second year , again , my grades were okay ; But , nothing like they had been in high school . While I loved the experience of being in the " big city " and at an all - black university , I was homesick enough that I became distracted and my grades were just above average { not at all competitive } . And all of a sudden , I had a deficiency in my funding for the second semester . When I met with a financial aid adviser , my GPA wasn 't high enough to position me for any last - minute scholarships . Long story short , I would have to leave the university . Thankfully , I didn 't go home - but on to Kent State University . I can say thankfully now because I don 't even want to imagine what may have happened with my college career had I gone home . But , at the time , I was devastated . I couldn 't believe my dream had slipped through my fingers . . . partly because I was not resourceful and partly because I had not been at my best . Thinking back , the amount of money I needed to stay at HU was likely manageable but I had no idea where to begin Continue Reading Ever so often , I will post a status on Facebook or Twitter that simply says , " Forgive . " It 's the bottom line of one of the things I love about myself - that I can 't hold a grudge . When my best friend and I have a disagreement , by the next day , I have forgotten which has become a joke with us . Sometimes , I 'll hear people call things back to the forefront { with really strong emotion } that others did to them years ago , and I feel sorry that they aren 't able or willing to move on from it . Resentment weighs you down and influences - even possibly impairs - your outlook . And I want to remain as free and joyful in my life as possible . Continue Reading I am not spontaneous . . . what 's worse is that I 'm actually anti - spontaneity . It 's that extreme . I don 't think I 've always wanted to have things so planned , but now I do and sometimes , I hate it . I 've tried at different junctures to be more impulsive . It never sticks . Part of the time , I think I can just shut it off and be spur of the moment . And I have a lot of friends who are spontaneous and want me to join in . I 'm sure it hinders me from a lot of fun times or at least my friends ' fun times with me . Continue Reading I don 't do many challenges here , but I saw this one a blog this week and thought it would be interestingly introspective . The challenge will not only be in my posting 30 truths about myself but also a commitment to posting consistently each day for a month . After reading down through the challenges , I 'm a bit nervous . But , I 'm just going to consider this a month dedicated to making me more fearless . Today is Day 1 . I always think it 's so interesting to see the randomness inside another woman 's handbag . We carry so much . Here 's a peek at everything I haul . It 's difficult to impress me . There , I 've said it . I mean , it is what it is . I have this profound fascination with excellence . You could be an excellent grocery bagger or excellently stylish . . . and if you really want to impress me - just simply excellently you . Enter : Friend in my head Sunnie . We met , like most bloggers do , virtually . She commented on an MVL post which led me to her site Bespoke Biddie , a mélange of fashion , adventure and random goodness . And here we are . { source } I 'm always hanging around Bespoke Biddie { and telling others to get over to her site } for glimpses of her gorgeous hair and catching photos , zest for life and free girl style . That 's it . . . the free girl in her that draws you in . I imagine her as funny and spontaneous , genuine and interesting . And someone I 'd love to meet when I 'm in New York . Of course , I 'm just musing here , but I 've created a complete character sketch of Sunnie from her blog shots . A picture really is worth a thousand words . Check out Bespoke Biddie . . . and tell Sunnie I sent you . Hello , I 'm Katrice . If we were perfect strangers and you started talking about anything lifestyle , you 'd have me at " hello . " I 'm passionate about travel , writing , talking about God , home decor and style , and lifting people up . This blog is where I share everything that I love .
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Boy proposes to Girl . Girl says yes . Boy goes to war . Girl plans a wedding . Girl asks for help . Girl gets brooches . I have been absolutely blown away by the response I have gotten when it comes to my brooch bouquet . I sort of expected my family to send me brooches , and maybe some friends . . . but blog readers ? And people I 've never met ? BLOWN . AWAY . A few days ago I received a package that totally shocked me . And made me cry . Good tears , and sad tears . I blogged a year and a half ago about the passing of my childhood friend , Ethan . If you have no idea what I 'm talking about , you can go back and read that blog here . When I opened the package , I pulled out a letter from a girl that I have never met . But Ethan was our mutual friend . This is what the letter said , Dear Diandra , As I mentioned in my email to you , I was introduced to your blog through Ethan Townsend . While he is no longer with us , I know if he was around , he would want to contribute in some way to your wedding . Therefore , I wanted to take it upon myself to partake in this project on his behalf . I met Ethan through one of my best friends . Ethan and my friend Andy met at Stanford University their freshman year and quickly became best friends . They went on to room together for multiple years and travel around the US and internationally . I told Andy about your blog and I wanted to share a quick snippet of our conversation . Andy thought it was amazing that Ethan was able to bring people together in life and in death . But most of all , I want to stress to you how lucky you are that you are able to marry your best friend . When I told Andy about the bouquet , he said that one of the hardest things he has had to come to terms with , beyond not being able to pick up his phone and just chat with Ethan about whatever random thing had happened that day , was the fact that his best friend , the person whom he imagined would stand by him on his wedding day , as his man of honor , would no longer be able to be there to stand by him on one of the most important days of his life . I hope thaGirl Boy proposes to Girl . Girl says Yes . Boy gets orders . Girl wants pictures . As I was writing yesterday 's post , I went back to get a link to our engagement photos and realized that I never posted the second half here on the blog ! If you didn 't see the first half , you can check it out here . I spent a lot of time and energy while J was first gone planning this engagement session with the help of our amazing photographer , Jordana of Hazelnut Photography , and our wedding planners Ashlyn and Heather of Carter and Cook Event Co . I knew that I wanted our photos to be personal and special to us . So together , we pulled off a pretty cool little shoot . The reason I couldn 't share it on here earlier is because it was picked up and featured on Green Wedding Shoes . There was so much thought and detail put into this shoot and I am thrilled to share it all with you now : ) Our theme was love letters and stars . The thinking behind it was a combination of several things . . . The stars symbolize the star in the Cuban flag ( J is cuban ) as well as the star that represents the Army . To me it also represents that old childhood tradition of wishing on a star . The love letters represent the long distance relationship between J and I . Obviously we have spent a lot of time apart and the letters have so much symbolism to the two of us . In addition to that , we added a little bit of a 1940s " Notebook " look . " The Notebook " is my favorite movie . I adore it . I love the love story that is so passionate between the two characters . I have told J over and over again that he is my Noah . And I feel blessed to have a relationship that is that passionate and genuine . I think it is truly rare . Tying in with our vintage - y theme . . . this coke bottle holder has been my mom 's for years ! The coke bottles I got at Costco : ) That compact mirror I bought at an antique show last summer . I loved these books and HAD to have them when I saw them at the antique show last summer . Being a photographer , I loved the 1940s book written about how to make good pictures . The book below Posted by Girl goes through break up . Girl gets a camera . Girl starts shooting . Boy meets Girl . Boy and Girl become friends . Boy encourages Girl . Girl becomes photographer . Boy proposes to Girl . Girl says yes . Boy goes to war . Girl takes pictures . Girl plans hires photographer . Ohhhhh the Photographer . Photography is my passion . It is my job , but it is also one of my favorite things in life . I LOVE LOVE LOVE photos . I would probably decorate my entire house with only photos if I thought I could get away with it . J on the other hand has never been one for photos . He doesn 't even like to smile . I think it comes from his bad boy days . It 's that whole tough guy thing . But what I am finding , is that he knows how happy pictures make me , so he is learning to love them . Or tolerate them at least . When we took our engagement pictures , he was seriously amazing ( which by the way , I just realized I never posted the other half of our pictures ! I will do that soon ! ) He smiled and laughed and had a blast . He also promised me that he would smile during our wedding pictures , because ya know , otherwise it looks like my husband hates me . ; ) So the search for a photographer began . It got even tricker when we moved the wedding up 8 months and all the way over to Vegas . Not to mention the fact that I have so many AMAZING photographer friends . I wanted to hire them all . No joke . Like as in , yeah I have 50 guests at my wedding , but I 'm rocking the 30 photographers who are here ! Needless to say , I had to make a decision . Being a photographer myself , I knew what I wanted in a photographer . I have read about 10 million articles on how to choose a wedding photographer and all that . . . and while they make some good points , I think everyone has their own criteria . Here was mine : 1 . They had to be within my price range . This is huge . Now I will be the first to say that you get what you pay for . And really , wedding photography is expensive . That 's just the way it is . As it should be . Wedding photography is a LOT of work . I understand that because I do it ! It isn 't just showinPosted by Boy proposes to Girl . Girl says yes . Boy goes to war . Girl plans a wedding . Girl asks for help . Girl gets brooches . When it comes to this brooch bouquet , some things have gone exactly according to plan , and some things have been a complete surprise . One of the best surprises is the fact that I have received pins from people that I have never met ! ! ! Two of those people are Susie and Francine . Both are J 's relatives , but I 've never met either of them ! Susie and I are friends on facebook and her husband is deployed with the Army as well , so we have lots in common . When I got her package in the mail , I was overjoyed ! Then I saw that her dad 's wife , Francine had also sent a couple of pins ! They are so great and will make fantastic additions to the bouquet ! From Susie : From Francine : Another pin I received from someone I 've never met is a facebook friend and blog reader / photographer . Faith Cherrise . She sent the pin with some amazing pictures her kids drew for J ! I am completely blown away by her kindness ! And I love the pin ( I know J will love the pictures too ! ) : Another photog friend contributed to my bouquet as well ! I showed up to shoot a wedding on New Years day , and my second shooter for the day , Lisa , came bearing a beautiful pin . She was a teacher and said she used to wear it to school . She wore it so much that the pin eventually broke off of the back ! But I love it and it made a perfect flower for my bouquet ! Yesterday I was thrilled to open up a letter in the mail and find this beautiful , unique pin : It was sent from J 's cousin , Mallory . She and I have also become friends over the last few months ( thanks again Facebook ! ) and she has been planning a wedding as well . We 've bonded over chatting about weddings , marriage , family , and silly stories . It 's been great getting to know another family member ! : ) I know I typically only blog about one or two pins in a blog , but I have soooo many coming in and so many more things to blog ! I want to make sure I get to everything ! I only have 56 more days until the wedding ! I can 't believPosted by Boy proposes to Girl . Girl says yes . Boy goes to war . Girl plans a wedding . Girl asks for help . Girl gets brooches . My dad has one sister . And my mom has one brother . We don 't have a huge family , but I am fortunate to have a pretty close relationship with the family members we do have ! At Christmas , my aunt Brenda pulled me aside and gave me this gorgeous pin : She told me that as a kid , she remembered her mom ( my grandma ) wearing this pin on a long purple coat she had . She said my grandma didn 't wear many , but she did wear this one . Aunt Brenda thought it would be a great addition , and I agree ! It is so different than anything I 've seen before ! In planning out this bouquet , I kind of left it 's fate in the hands of my family and friends . By asking them to choose pins and not giving any guidelines ( color , metals , flower or not flowe ) , I kind of let everyone else decide how my bouquet would look . It 's turned out to be great fun ! But I did order two special pins myself . I knew I wanted something specific and this is what I found : I have a very special plan for our initials . . . I hope it works out how I envision it : ) When we got back from visiting family at Christmas , I had a really neat pin waiting for me in the mail . This pin was from our friend Heather . I met Heather a couple of years ago at a birthday party for one of J 's nephews . She has been friends with J and his brothers since they were young . And she and her husband and son live right down the street from his family . I have gotten to know her and grown to love her and her family , and I was so excited to see this gorgeous pin in the mail from her : I especially love that even though she lives right down the street , she sent it in the mail : ) So cute ! I can 't wait to see how the butterfly looks mixed in with the flowers ! It is perfect ! The bouquet is growing , and I 've made a lot of progress . I 've managed to make each of the pins into a flower with a stem . . . so this week I should be finishing up the bouquet . I still have tons of pins to blog . . . I 'll keep going with that : ) Boy proposes to Girl . Girl says yes . Boy goes to war . Girl plans a wedding . Girl asks for help . Girl gets brooches . When I began asking for brooches , I wasn 't sure what would happen . I didn 't know if I would get any at all . I was a little worried that my plan wouldn 't work and that I would walk down the aisle empty handed . But what I have found is that this has ended up being one of the COOLEST things I 've ever experienced . I know people have made these before . I know there are people out there who you can pay to make them for you . They will even go out and find all of the brooches to go in the bouquet . But the neatest part of this for me has been getting little pieces of my family and friends . Some of the pins are old and have a story behind them . . . a history . Others are brand new and were bought just for this purpose because someone wanted to contribute . I love that I am reconnecting with people from my past , and that I have so many people in my life that love and support me . It has been fun to see the personalities of different people show up in their choice of brooch . I 've been given flowers , and hearts , and random designs . I 've even got a butterfly or two . Everything I read about how to make one of these said you should choose a color scheme and a metal and stick with it . But I decided to throw the rules out the window and do what I wanted to do instead . And I decided I wanted pins from family and friends instead of random pieces . At Christmas we visited my family in Oregon . It is the only time of the year that I get to see my dad 's parents . My grandma has facebook and email and she knew about my bouquet . Originally she wasn 't sure she 'd be able to come up with a pin for it , but I was pleasantly surprised when she pulled me aside and handed me this : It 's a beautiful pin and I love having a butterfly to add to my bouquet ! How perfect ! It 's getting down to the wire now . I 'm hoping to have all of my pins in by the end of the month so that next month I can start to put them together . I can 't wait to see how my bouquet comPosted by Boy proposes to Girl . Girl says yes . Boy goes to war . Girl plans a wedding . Girl asks for help . Girl gets brooches . I don 't even know how to begin this story . Once upon a time , there was a woman . She was my grandma 's grandma . My great great grandmother . Her name was Rhoda Isabel . She had a pin . It was made probably at least 150 years ago . The stone that is centered in the middle of the pin was hand cut . It 's a real gem of some kind . . . and it wasn 't cut by a machine . Someone held that little gem in their hands and cut it and faceted it by hand . 150 years ago . My grandma has had it for about 50 years . And now it will be a part of my bouquet . I think this is such a special piece for my bouquet . I plan to put it right in the middle . It will be my " something old " . Wow . Such special stories that are coming with these pins ! I am hoping to collect quite a few more by the beginning of February ! There will be lots more brooch blogs coming ! ! ! Boy proposes to Girl . Girl says yes . Boy goes to war . Girl plans a wedding . Girl asks for help . Girl gets brooches . Christmas morning is always fun and exciting . Sometimes things under the tree are more of a surprise than other times . This year I had lots of surprises under the tree , but one of the biggest surprises came from my Uncle Don and Aunt Carol and my cousin Evan . When I opened the brooch , I was blown away . I wasn 't expecting it and it was beautiful ! I don 't think there is much of a story behind it , but it was really special to me to have a pin from them . Uncle Don has been around since I was born . He is my mom 's brother . As a kid , my mom used to say how much I was like him . I think that always made me like him even more . And Carol came into the picture when I was pretty young . I loved her from the beginning ! When I was in Junior High , they got married , and I got to be one of 2 people in their wedding . It was so special for me . Evan is 7 years old and he is so smart . Since I was 18 years old when he was born , I 've been able to watch him grow up and it has been really fun ! Even though I don 't get to see him often and he grows so quickly , its been a really neat thing . Evan is my only cousin on this side . Here is a picture of the pin : Its so fun seeing all of the different pins everyone has been picking out . When I look at this one , that little lady bug reminds me of Evan : ) I love that it will be in my bouquet on my wedding day ! I have collected quite a few ! Next month I 'll be putting them all together . I can 't wait to see how it comes out ! Boy proposes to Girl . Girl says yes . Boy goes to war . Girl plans a wedding . Girl asks for help . Girl gets brooches . I remember as a little girl , my mom and my grandma wearing jean jackets covered in rhinestone brooches . They would collect them and pin them all over the jackets . As a kid , I didn 't really understand it . I thought they were pretty and sparkly , but I didn 't understand entirely why they would collect them with such diligence . But collect they did . When we arrived in Oregon for Christmas , my grandma told me that I could pick from her pins for my bouquet . And out came this drawer : I was overwhelmed . . . and didn 't even know where to start . But immediately , this pin jumped out at me . But then so did a few others . . . After I 'd pulled these out of the drawer , she found a couple others she thought I might like : Needless to say , I was THRILLED to add several new pins to my growing collection ! I know I say this at the end of every brooch post , but I am really enjoying getting each piece . It is fun to think about the different people who care about me and my day !
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Contractor Kim is ready to fill a 5 - foot - deep by 18 " footing ! Hard work - I could watch people do it all day . Karla and I took off at around 7 this morning and drove down to the neighbor 's where there was going to be some concrete pouring going on . ( Hey , it 's more exciting than watching paint dry ! ) We were interested in seeing how the real pros do it , since in our lives we 've poured and finished a lot of concrete foundations and slabs ourselves . Turns out they do it pretty much the same way , only with such coordination and teamwork and skill that we feel almost stupid . Kim , the contractor , put together a team of guys who worked like a well - oiled machine ; no missteps , no blunders , just relentless hard work and supreme craftsmanship . We were mightily impressed as the workers kept up with the relentless chain of six or seven ready - mix trucks that came in and poured their " mud . " A really skilled team impressed us with their professionalismThe contractor is acquainted with many of the people we know around the area , and was the person who built the new handicap access ramp in front of the post office up at Huntington Lake , where Karla picks up hiker resupply packages for the high ranch every week during the summer . " So that was you , " they almost simultaneously said on recognizing each other . " You 're the woman who was rolling out those big bins of 5 - gallon buckets . " " You 're the contractor who put in that beautiful ramp ! " Smoothing , smoothing , smoothing … He knows Randy , the man we will very likely hire to pre - build the panels that will make up our new house , and has done the final construction for him on many projects . " I 've known Randy forever , " he says . " I put up a near - impossible huge house for him in Oakland where we had to use a crane with a hundred - foot reach to lift those panels up to the top of a hill . " Some of Randy 's pre - constructed house panels have been shipped clear off to Lebanon and Japan . " Randy 's the most honest man . He 'll give you full value for your money , and Posted by It 's like the preliminary routine before a prizefight . Two opponents checking each other out before the bout to come . One , named Boots , feels uneasy defending her spot in one of the windows , glaring across the void to the stairs on the opposite side of the room at her adversary , Raven . Raven is not happy ; he 's been king of the house for years now without challenge . Boots is the official High Ranch Mouser , being mostly an outdoor cat , surviving by using her wits . Raven is well fed by his human staff , with an occasional bunny for variety in his diet . It was going to be really hot today so I decided to let Boots come inside where it 's much cooler . Later she , along with her sister Florence , will be packed off to their winter lair in Death Valley where they become indoor cats at the Furnace Creek Ranch . But for now , we may witness the battle to decide who owns this place after all . " Can 't we all just get along ? " was the lament by Rodney King , the recipient of a beating by Los Angeles police that started a race war in Los Angeles several years ago . Cats don 't get along without a fight first , kind of like horses . Our herd consists of half of the horses who hate the other half of the horses , especially when it comes to who gets to eat first . It 's a good thing that people are so compatible and get along so well with each other . Benjamin was strapped into his car seat for another long day of traveling . He mostly sleeps during these trips so he 'll be missing some spectacular scenery . I 'm sure he will have many more chances to see the country as he grows up and gets to look outside more . Hilary loaded Bill and Rocky , two gigantic mules and a large yellow horse , appropriately named Butter ( if they get another yellow horse , will her name be Margie ? ) , into their trailer . At the same moment , the crew at the high ranch was leaving with horses for their day - long ride over Paiute Pass . Hilary and company will cruise through Yosemite and over Tioga Pass to North Lake where they 'll meet up with the ranch crew . From there , it 's onward to Death Valley for the winter . One more trip down to the low country ! Benjamin has been a well - traveled kid , what with a trip down to the foothill ranch after being in the high country . He just got back from Furnace Creek in Death Valley after traveling with Mom and a big load of hay . Then he will be going over Tioga Pass again to DV ! It 's a good thing he has very functionable Eustachian tubes and doesn 't get plugged up in the ears with all the elevation changes . Almost two miles up , then almost 200 feet below sea level and everywhere in between . Hilary came by today with quite an inventory of stuff : Three horses , two cats , Ben , and a golf cart that needs some repair . For her next trick , she 's going to round up a couple of mules and take them to North Lake , on the other side of the Sierra . To get there she has to drive through Yosemite ; I could think of a worse way to spend some driving time . But in the meantime , she gets a whole day off to spend here at home . Time to relax ! It almost escaped my attention , but today 's daylight hours and nighttime hours are equal , twelve and twelve . I was getting suspicious you see , but today 's picture of the sun from the Astronomy Picture of the Day site confirmed it . This means we still have the opportunity to perfect our tans with the favor soon going to the southern hemisphere 's inhabitants . I remember in 1964 getting the fastest tan of my life while lying on the flight deck of the USS Enterprise as we were on the home stretch of a historic world cruise . Three nuclear - powered surface ships went all the way around the world without taking on any supplies . The food was getting a little strange - looking and once the ship 's medical officer got on the 1MC ( the public address system ) and said that tinges of green in the butter were harmless . One day everything served for breakfast was orange - colored ! Anyway , back to the tan . It occurred off the coast of Brazil . We left a port call at Rio de Janeiro and were inspired by the Girl From Ipanema and just had to get as tan as possible . Some of the crew just got burned instead , but that happens to guys from the New York and New Jersey area - it 's just not in their genes to tan . We west coasters gloated about our ability to color up in mere minutes . I got at least a shade tanner in only a half hour , then tanned the other side for another half hour . The following day they went back to putting airplanes all over the flight deck . The party was over but it was fun while it lasted . Photo credit : NASA / Goddard / SDO AIA Team Loyal reader Pete S . brought this to my attention . I thought I was being good buying the e - versions of books for the Kindle since it results in fewer dead trees . Somehow there is something missing in the experience , though . So why not enhance this cold sheet - of - lead - feeling reader by wrapping it in dead cow skin ? Leather e - reader covers ! Now , that 's more like it ! The cover shown here even depicts what looks like a dead tree , fulfilling the need for killing at least something in order to read a book . Cover photo : OberonDesign . com I just bought a Kindle . The cheap one . It 's really neat . Here it 's shown in front of a few books I bought recently . Volume - wise , it is definitely less , but density - wise it 's a bit more . There is an odd feeling to its mass ; I would compare holding it to holding a similar - sized thin sheet of lead . If it were thicker with the same weight , it might feel more " natural . " I 'll get used to it , I 'm sure . The type is clear and sharp . The contrast between the letters and the background is good , with the letters being not quite black and the background being not quite white , but enough of each to work nicely . I understand this is their sharpest and most - contrasty display . There are six books on it already , books that I had downloaded onto my iPod and iMac previously and only two of which I actually paid for . You can synchronize and share your books freely between all your Kindle readers without extra charge , and the new Kindle picked up on the exact page that I had last read on my computer . It seems that books published in the early 1920s and before aren 't copyright - protected anymore , and Amazon lets you have them for free . Many new authors let Amazon give their work away at no charge , just to get exposure . I am faced with a dilemma , though . In the past I have sent books up to the ranch after reading them , thus making the ranch 's library more interesting for the guests . Does this mean I will have to buy a bunch of Kindles for the lounge up there , all registered in my name so I can have enough books for folks to read ? Or should I keep buying dead - tree editions with my Kindle editions ? One of the attractions of the ranch is that people can get away from technology like phones and television for a bit and really relax and unwind . Will a Kindle upset that ? And if someone wants to read while soaking in a hot spring bath , will it be wise for them to do it with a Kindle ? A regular book can be tossed into the clothes dryer to bring it back after a soaking , but I think a Kindle would be toast . Cold , toxic - waste toast . Posted by Yesterday I bought the Amazon Kindle edition of a book that is pretty frightening while at the same time assures us that we 'll survive if we keep our wits about us and hang in there and take the authors ' advice . It 's about bubbles , like the dot - com bubble , the housing bubble and so on . This book predicts the popping of the government debt bubble and , worst of all , the dollar bubble . The authors , two brothers who are in the financial advice field and a third co - author , wrote another book a few years back when things were rosy and everyone was getting drunk on the rising values of real estate , taking out home equity loans and living high on the hog . In that book , the authors predicted the popping of the real estate bubble , and the banking and financial industry bubble . They certainly gained credibility when their predictions came true . Their latest book explains how they make their predictions , and makes a compelling case for the collapse of our entire economic system . I haven 't heard too much about this book in the normal media , probably because it is so scary a premise that nobody wants to hear about it , so it 's being ignored . While they 're not into playing a blame game , the authors make the case that bumbling government policies , greed on the part of bankers and stock brokerages , and euphoria on the part of ordinary citizens both here and abroad brought on these messes . They advise us to get out of most stocks but not out of the stock market . There are opportunities to not only survive , but actually prosper . But in the meantime . … I 'm only halfway through the book . Last night when I went to bed , I locked the doors , closed the curtains , unplugged everything that had a glowing LED , turned off the lights and crawled under the blankets . I left the cat outside to guard the house . Benjamin enjoyed seeing himself on the computer screen and decided to work on his Smiling Buddha impression even more . His mom , Hilary , encourages working on impersonations . She wrote , " I showed him your blog and he tried to do a better Buddha . " Their slogan is a lie . We have three accounts with an Internet provider that delivers via satellite . Our three business locations don 't have access to normal DSL via telephone line , and certainly not fiber . Somehow I picked HughesNet to provide our service . The company has a policy that if you use more than your allotted 200 to 375 or whatever megabytes of allowance ( depending on your plan ) in a single day , they reduce the speed of your Internet connection to roughly that of a dial - up service for an entire 24 hours . No matter if you used far less than your allotment in previous days , just go over in a single 24 - hour period and you 're toast . Recently I was fascinated to watch a very long video of a TED conference where Apple Inc 's Steve Jobs was being interviewed by Walt Mossberg of the Wall Street Journal . I was really getting an understanding of the philosophy of this most - admired and most successful CEO in America ( 98 % of Apple employees give him the highest marks , more than any other top boss in the country ) . Our Apple stock closed today at $ 276 . 57 , so naturally I was very interested . Near the end of the video , the stream stopped and I got a warning that I had exceeded my 375MB for the day . Bummer . I couldn 't watch the conclusion . The following day I logged on and noticed that I was being punished by the idiotic dial - up - speed policy . So I called their toll - free number to see if I could do something about it . After navigating their menus " Press 2 , Press 3 … " I got hold of someone in either the Philippines or India whose English was not just a second language , but maybe a fifth . It turned out that I had violated not just one , but two of the company 's policies . First , I exceeded their allotment of megabytes . Second , it happened to be the day they automatically billed a credit card for payment for their service . Double whammy ! The credit card had been spammed by some bad guys a few weeks ago and HughesNet didn 't have my new card number . I gave them the new number and what happened next defies logic . Posted by I was watering the lemon tree today when a skinny little praying mantis leapt out from a small dead oak branch . He had a tinge of green on his mostly - beige body , so he was pretty noticeable . But his companion , a much bigger and much fatter missus mantis stayed behind and only moved a little bit , catching my eye . I went to get my camera and came back out to see that the little guy hadn 't moved , but the bigger one had disappeared . Praying mantises aren 't really fast movers when they 're stalking prey , so I figured she hadn 't gone too far . But it took almost ten minutes to finally catch sight of her again , and that was only because I shook the branch to make her move . Her body color so closely matched the oak leaves I was amazed . If it hadn 't been for her spiky front legs , she would be nearly impossible to spot . In the upper photo her abdomen is the dark spot near dead center . Here she is just slightly to the right of center . How do I know she 's a she ? First , it 's egg - forming season which would explain her bulging belly . Second , she was so big compared to her companion . Of course , she could be a he who just ate a whole rat . For years we have been buying hay in the fall for use in the winter . If we buy a whole trailer load of around 200 bales , we save money . But storing that much hay has been a problem since we were doing it on pallets covered with a large tarpaulin . Mice , rabbits , and even frogs take residence in the hay making it a bit less palatable to the horses , I 'm sure . ( The frogs like the little rainwater puddles that form in the folds of the tarp . ) Yesterday Luke laid out a new area for a couple of large storage containers that we plan to buy . Using a rented Bobcat , he shoved dirt and rocks around while I manned the nozzle on the end of 400 feet ( 122 meters ) of garden hose I had laid out the day before to control dust and perhaps soften the dirt / clay / rock soil mixture . One part of the project that took the longest was extricating a rock that eventually came out after a couple of hours ' work . What was left of it was almost as big as a washing machine . Anytime we want to put up a structure we have to make a level place for it . On our entire two - mile - long piece of property there are maybe five or six natural level places , each the size of a postage stamp . Our new level spot is the size of 103 , 680 stamps ! It could hold quite a stamp collection , but will have to settle for a couple of hay - filled aluminum freight containers instead . Several years ago I had an idea : All the nifty stickers that come on fruits and vegetables are usually thrown away with the peelings ; why not save them and make some art in the process ? Thus started the collection on the end walls of our kitchen cabinets , where the colorful little stickers were stuck . To justify this nonsense , we invented the idea that once we got the entire surface covered , we can move down the road and build a new house ! That was an exciting idea , but a bit difficult to make happen the way we wanted . These little stickers are made for only one purpose , and that is to identify the fruit they 're stuck on to enable a grocery clerk to check you out quickly at the check stand . The adhesive only has to last a few days or weeks before its purpose is fulfilled and the sticker can fall off if it wants . Kitchens get humid , then dry , repeatedly . This takes a toll on little stickers ' adhesive . Some of them have better adhesive and have hung on for near decades ; others have given up and gone down the drain with the dishwater . Onion stickers are impossible to remove with their adhesive exposed , and stickers on peaches won 't re - stick . Many stickers are unusable to us as a result . New patches of wood are exposed as they fall off , making our wish to cover the entire surface seem unachievable . Does this mean we don 't get a new house ? Or should we save up some money instead of pasting stickers on a cabinet and hoping for a miracle ? We have dealt with a large , huge actually , bank for about 30 years . They offered good service during that time including fraud protection in case our accounts were invaded by bad guys , which never happened until a few weeks ago . It 's reassuring that they 're on guard in our favor . Several months ago at their local " banking center " they installed new ATMs . These machines were touted as being easier to use . Instead of putting cash and checks into envelopes to make a deposit , the user could simply slide them into a slot and the machine would miraculously read the values of the checks . Trouble is , the machine could not deal with most people 's scrawls ; it took a huge amount of time while not being very good at reading the amounts . So the customer stands there while the machine groans and beeps and makes an idiot of itself , then finally asks the customer to input the amounts manually . … or slower ! What used to be a quick transaction was now taking at least ten times as long to accomplish . People line up behind a depositor , waiting and waiting . What the too - big - to - fail bank 's ATM is doing is making the customers do the work once done by bank employees - inputting the values of the checks being deposited - a great time - and money - saving tactic on the part of the bank . I received a fraud alert from the big bank ; someone had spammed my debit card . They canceled the card and told me I could get a temporary card at the banking center . I did so . To activate the card I had to go to its ATM and do something . I decided to made a deposit of $ 20 to my account . I put a fresh nice - looking $ 20 bill in the drawer and the machine almost bit it in half ! I re - tried , placing the bill very precisely onto the cold steel plate in its nasty maw . The machine slammed its door and made the awfullest paper shredder sound , like it was tearing the bill into bits . Grinding , grinding , grinding . It went on for way too long . I was thinking I had lost my twenty when it finally declared that my deposit was accepted . We are in a transition period , Posted by Imagine how the above picture would look if the window were spotlessly clean . A dull , boring , out - of - focus shot of a tree 's foliage and a big granite boulder . I haven 't washed any windows all summer . They preserve a history of what 's happened : bird splats on the outside , bug splats on the inside , spider potty , fly dung , everyday human abode grime . It 's a chronicle of LIFE ! An archaeologist 's dream window . I do lots of things that future archaeologists will love me for . First , I resist the temptation to throw really cool things away . I have my first computer , a Texas Instruments TI - 99 / 4A , in its original box , a machine that was the bee 's knees , the cat 's pajamas in the early 1980s . It had 16 kilobytes of memory , programs and data were stored on an audio cassette recorder , and it displayed through a modulator on either channel 2 or 3 on an old television set . I taught myself programming in Basic using that computer . A Commodore Amiga 2500 is next in the lineup of saved stuff , a breakthrough computer that could drive a display to show an astonishing 1 , 024 colors , four times as many as other computers . Even today there are Amiga aficionados who revere its simplicity and brilliance in design . Maybe they can make me an offer . I still have a Canon computer that came with a gargantuan hard drive - 40 megabytes ! And one of the most maddening operating systems , Windows 3 . 1 . My first Apple computer , a Power PC 8500 , was so badly made that I had nearly all of its innards replaced under warranty . ( Steve Jobs hadn 't yet returned to Apple . ) I joked that the only thing left that was original was the paint . I kept adding memory chips to make it run faster . Laine , the very smart ( and very attractive ) woman who helped me so much at her Apple shop in Fresno once asked me why I wanted to buy even more RAM . " Tom , you already have forty - eight megabytes ! " Over time and after spending gobs of money I managed to boost its memory to over 170 megabytes ! The computer itself cost over $ 4 , 000 which included a mouse . The keyboPosted by Several years ago the US Treasury decided to make American money harder to counterfeit . They completely redesigned the paper currency and introduced the now - ubiquitous polyester thread sandwiched between the two sheets of paper that make up every denomination except the one - dollar bill ( See ? I told you that 's the one to go after ! ) . Hold the bill up to the light and you can see USA 10 or USA 50 or whatever printed on the thread depending on the denomination . Also the thread glows under ultraviolet light , in a different color for each denomination . They added a watermark to the paper repeating the portrait featured in the central engraving . Subtle colors of ink are used to print faint images in the background that are very difficult or impossible to duplicate with an ink - jet printer , or any other printer for that matter . Commonly - used computer programs such as Adobe Photoshop , once the counterfeiter 's ally , now have currency - detecting features that disable the printing function . We 're screwed . I read an article that referred to all the counterfeit - foiling features of the new money . A treasury official noted everything mentioned above , and concluded with : " And we shifted the presidents ' portraits to the left , off - center . " Whoa ! That was the topper , the killer to any counterfeiting effort ! They put the portrait off - center ! I can just imagine the outrage and upset from all the world 's counterfeiters . They must have thrown their hands in the air and said , " I quit ! They moved the portrait off - center ! That 's WAY too hard to copy ! " Recently I was reading about the production of paper money . United States currency is printed on special paper made by only one company using methods they never divulge . It has a distinct feel , and can be easily recognized by people who handle lots of currency , like bank tellers and store clerks . If you were to try to counterfeit US money with different paper , it could be detected by feel alone . So counterfeiters often bleach a lower value bill and print a higher value on that paper . There are ways to detect the counterfeit without too much effort , but the feel remains the same and most people don 't notice the fraud . In 1865 President Abraham Lincoln created the Secret Service to find counterfeit bills and their makers . These days they don 't bother much with monetary denominations below $ 5 or $ 10 , putting their main effort into catching 20s and up . And this is where a golden opportunity comes in . They never look for counterfeit $ 1 bills . You could bleach a bunch of fives and make a killing in ones without ever being caught ! What could be safer ? Why hasn 't anyone thought of this before ? Sometimes I think counterfeiters aren 't very bright . Here 's a more involved way to get into counterfeiting that nobody else has thought of either . Make up a phony currency from a country that doesn 't even exist , like the 100 gomer note of Boogalü , an imaginary middle - Asian country . Make the bills attractive and colorful , maybe featuring pictures of kittens , rainbows , spotted mushrooms , and unicorns . Go to a small rural bank with a bunch of bills to exchange for dollars . The teller will have never heard of such a banknote , so - and this is the really clever part - you pull out your iPad or smartphone and call up a Web site that lists current values of various countries ' money . Since you 're the creator of the site you can pick any value you want for Boogalüese money and publish it there . Let 's say you decide that 100 gomers is equal to $ 50 , which certainly sounds reasonable . Most people believe what they see on the Posted by An artist friend of mine once told me , " Collect enough of anything and you can make something interesting out of it . " Another friend volunteers at a recycling center and for years saved wine corks for me . I am now the proud owner of several cubic feet of corks , but still haven 't figured out what to do with them . Can you guess what this obelisk in Santa Rosa , California is made of ? Go here to find out . Photo credit : Ilana Spector Bet you didn 't know this - when the weather gets hot , the tar weed around here sprouts nuts ! I was mystified on first seeing this strange phenomenon . I noticed that the nuts would suddenly fall off the tar weed when I approached ; I never even touched the plant ! Strange indeed . Then I noticed that some of the nuts actually flew off straight up in the air ! Even stranger . Then I noticed the nuts looked just like grasshoppers , for camouflage perhaps , I reasoned . On a very hot day the ground temperature can soar to the point where no small animal can survive . Insect - type animals have the choice of either burrowing down to where it 's cooler or climbing up to where it 's cooler . Thus we have hot - day tar weed nuts . This year 's crop of grasshoppers is enormous . Driving along on our unpaved road I run into patches of them , usually in shady areas , that explode into the air . It 's almost like driving along the bottom of a pan of popping corn . If the car 's windows are rolled down , as mine are until I decide that getting the air conditioning fixed is really worth almost $ 2 , 000 , they come flying into the car in great numbers . One time a grasshopper landed on one of the lenses of my sunglasses . That was a startle ! I thought I was being attacked by a dragon . Mother nature strikes balances all the time . Since we had lots of rain last winter , we got lots of grass . So she counters that abundance with lots of grasshoppers . Keeping things in balance , you see . Every morning two of our older horses are fed some supplements to their usual dry grass . It never fails that they simply can 't wait and almost run me over to get at the bucket of grain and stuff before I have a chance to dump it into their feed tub . Then , when they 've finished eating every last tiny morsel , they nose around and tip the tub over to see if maybe there 's more . There never is . They always try . It never works . That doesn 't stop them . Maybe , just maybe it 'll work this time , they think . It never does . They always try . It never works . … I read somewhere that one definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again expecting a different result . Does that tell you something about horses ? Just sayin ' . … ( Horse - loving commenters : I have my armor on , ready for the onslaught . Fire away ! ) Yesterday was another in a string of hot days here , a touch over 100 ° F ( 38 ° C ) so I ran the backup generator to fill the batteries of the solar power system . Hot days mean low power from solar panels , and I wanted to give the new well water pump a tryout . I ran the pump for about four hours and got a nearly - full water tank ! Down just a bit less than two feet from the top , that means we got about 1 , 800 gallons ( 6 , 800 liters ) of water ! Finally I can start feeding all the trees and plants what they need to get through this hot spell . I can flush the toilet after every use ! I can take a shower ( whether I need one or not ) ! I can brush my teeth ! And everything around here will smell so much nicer . Neighbor Bill alerted me to this . He figures he 's feeding around 560 hummers every day at his place , and has counted up to 50 at a time at the feeders . We stopped feeding up here because the birds would land in our quince bushes , low to the ground , and Raven the cat would grab them for snacks . Oftentimes when I 'm watering plants from a hose nozzle , the little birds approach and hover near the spray , darting through it to get either a bath or maybe a cool - down . Watch the YouTube video which shows a man feeding a hummingbird from his hand . He dyed the food red to attract them , since that 's their favorite food color . I have seen them approach red jar lids , red rubber bands , and occasionally even some red Chinese . This morning a little after 7 the pump doctors arrived to see what could be done for the patient . Our well pump was not producing what it should , so it was pulled . It 's a Grundfos pump , supposedly top - of - the - line stuff according to a ranch guest who happened to be the CEO of the American manufacturer in Clovis , California ( their main plant is in Denmark ) . After talking with him over a several - day period I was convinced that we would get a nice long life from a Grundfos . It lasted a little over five years before giving up the ghost . The two workers pulled out 23 20 - foot lengths of pipe to get to the pump , then added five more pieces and a new non - Grundfos pump and stuck everything back down the hole . This time a sand filter about four feet long was added . It seems there is a lot of gritty sand near the top of the well that drifts down and was probably what wore out the pump to start with . The whole operation took about six hours . Some stats : The depth of the well is just shy of 1 , 000 feet . The static water level is at 326 feet . The new pump is at 560 feet . The bill for all this will knock me off my feet . More stats : Our old pump drew 1 , 700 watts . The new one uses 2 , 700 watts . The wire size down the well had to jump from # 10 to # 8 ( fatter ) . We 're going to need more solar panels ! Or pay PG & E , the local utility , $ 104 , 800 to run power up to our house . I think we 'll stick with solar power . Years ago Karla and I were hanging around the Mariposa Airport , a 3 , 300 - foot ( 1 kilometer ) strip in the foothills north of where we wanted to buy some property . We met a park ranger and his wife who had just landed in their Cessna 210 , a nice big fat six - place single - engine airplane that they had lucked into owning . ( That 's the only way to get an airplane if you worked for the National Park Service back in the 1970s . ) He had just finished testing new radios and navigation gear that he had picked up for a song from a brand new crashed Piper aircraft . ( It was a test flight ; the test pilot bailed out and survived . ) They loved their airplane and could hardly wait to share it with flying enthusiasts , which we were at the time . They gave us a ride and we flew north from the airport over the gold country of 49 ' er fame . There was some ground fog in low places , and looking down we were surprised to see the plane 's shadow surrounded by a circular rainbow . It 's called a glory , which is nice to see in a picture like the one above , but even better in real life . Dan and Elaine were their names . I wonder if they still have that great airplane . Those things never wear out if you keep up the maintenance . The FAA once said that an unpressurized single - engine small airplane should literally last forever . If it doesn 't crash , that is . And even then it comes back as thousands of nice shiny new beer cans . I 'll drink to that . Photo : Nick Bradley via Spaceweather . com When I first saw this picture after reading about it , I said " Wow ! " out loud with nobody to hear me but the cat . And even then , the cat was outside where I doubt if he even heard me . You might ask what is so special about this picture ; we 've seen hundreds like it from the Hubble Space Telescope and other sources . The reason I said Wow is that this picture was taken from the ground right here on Earth - by an amateur astronomer ! In Australia , of all places . I didn 't know they even had astronomers , just outbackers , boomerangs and wombats . ( Go ahead , Susan . Tear me a new one . ) Some observers are calling this picture the finest ever by an amateur astronomer . Give it a click to view a larger version . I found it on Spaceweather . com where they post a lot of amateur pix of astronomical things , though their emphasis is mainly on what 's happening on the sun . The photographer , Anthony Wesley , is a world - famous amateur in astrophotography circles .
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Jump Nation Manchester Sunday we needed to get out the house . Christmas had just finished and it was the lull between Christmas and New Year . Daddy M was working and the girls had been up very early and I was close to pulling my hair out well before 8am . Thankfully we had arranged a play - date with some of J 's school friends before the end of school to meet at Jump Nation in Manchester . Perfect timing . We have never been before so was unsure of what to expect . My girls love bouncing on the trampoline in the garden so I knew they would enjoy it . On arrival to Jump Nation Manchester we had to sign a waiver saying we were fit to bounce and explaining the safety rules as trampolining is an " extreme sport " . Once we were signed up , we popped our socks on . These need to have rubber grips on the bottom ( can be brought for £ 1 . 50 a pair if you don 't have any . ) The kids were soon ready and raring to go . When we walked into the arena . . . WOW ! ! I have never seen so many trampolines before . Read more » NHS Varicose Vein Surgery - my journey Its been a bit of a whirlwind the past 10 days . If you follow my blog you will know I have had a varicose vein on my left leg which has been there for as long as I can remember . Well over 12 years . This week it has gone ( hopefully ) so thought I would document what has happened as when I tried to search recovery I was only being directed to forums which were hard to follow any one persons journey . This Christmas J is getting a gift like no other . Its not a present she can unwrap under the tree , well she can unwrap the uniform t - shirt but the actual gift is one that can not be placed under the tree . We are giving her the gift of confidence . A gift that will help her through life now and as she grows . We are giving her the gift of Stage coach . Affordable waterproofs . We recently was asked if we would like to review some waterproofs from Dry Kids . With the never ending rain at the moment and J just having another growth spurt it was an obvious yes please . Last year we were out no matter what the weather as the girls behave better when we are out running around , come rain or shine . . . if we have the correct clothes to keep us dry . Last year our visit to see Father Christmas at Hamleys was amazing . So much so I blogged about the whole experience here . I know it is hard to find somewhere so magical that when I found somewhere I wanted to shout it to the rooftops . This year we returned again expecting the same standard . How disappointed was I ? It was the same set up of the elves meeting us , taking us upstairs , dinner , Christmas list writing , stories with the big guy , and then 1 : 1 time but the magic just wasn 't there . This is what happened this year , compared to last year . Read more » Earlier this year the girls attended their first festival , Geronimo . They had so much fun they didn 't want the day to end . From dancing to being monkeys to playing with wooden trains , riding donkeys and practicing their circus skills , there was so much to do we didn 't have chance to do it all . You can check out our day here . Well , we have just heard the amazing festival is returning next year ( 2016 ) and we 've been asked to be ambassadors again . We are so excited ! It will be held at Tatton Park in Cheshire again on the 29th and 30th May BUT also adding another venue at Harewood house in Yorkshire on 1st and 2nd May . Read more » J 's wish this holiday was to get soaked by Shamu . Her wish was granted . We visited SeaWorld Orlando not really knowing what to expect after Disney . We were pleasantly surprised . The parks were quiet and clean and the animals were impressive . I am not going to go into the documentary bad naming SeaWorld , I think that has already done its damage , and I saw nothing that should be bad mouthed to be honest . Yes , the animals should be in the wild , but seriously now let loose ? I 'm not so sure . They seem happy and if an animal doesn 't want to do something , they don 't force . ( An example was with the Dolphins , needing rope as reins put around the nose , one dolphin shook its head to refuse and the rope was thrown backwards and something else was done instead ) . Instead I am going to capture the memories we experienced . We have just got back from the very hot and sunny Florida . We went away for two weeks with Daddy M 's parents again just like two years ago , but did things differently this year . We learnt from what went well and what didn 't with three generations under one roof from our holiday together two years ago . The main thing was that second car . . . its a must so we can do different things and get our own space . As much as I love them , its great to get out and about just the four of us too , for example Disney World . Read more » Our magical Elf door ! Halloween is officially over so that means I can now talk about Christmas without being told to shut up ! Yeay ! I love Christmas and I am always thinking of different ways to make it magical for the girls . This years plans involve a door . A very special door indeed . . . . S loves picking flowers . Any little walk she does or play in the garden involves picking flowers . They soon die and need to go in the bin . When I got the chance to review the Instant Flower Press by Interplay I thought it was a great idea so we can keep the little tokens she gifts us . Read more » Nick Jr Pumpkin Party at home ! Wow , our Nick Jr pumpkin party was a success ! ! We had invited J 's friends along but due to short notice and a non convenient date it turned out to be just the girls . This would not stop our fun though . We made the cakes the night before , a perfect after school activity . Read more » This Halloween we were invited back to National Forest Adventure Farm . We went last year for our very first time , and loved it . There is so much to do when you get there it was an obvious yes please . We knew from experience to go dressed up as although it is on the farm there is also lots of themed activities going on too . J recycled her Zombie bride costume she made last year , whilst S went back as the same witch as last year too ! Oh we do like to recycle here ! They were then set for the day ! S is dinosaur mad . I mean she loves them . Anything dinosaur related and it is a must have . When we were asked if we wanted to review Aliens Love Dinopants it was an obvious answer . Yes please . S is still going through her phase where she doesn 't like pants on . So it has an added bonus that hopefully as the aliens and dinosaurs love pants so much , hopefully she will learn to love hers too and keep them on . Read more » I got stopped by one of those people you tend to avoid in the high street . You know the ones ? The ones that are always trying to get you to sign up to something or sell you something . This guy wasn 't trying to get me to sign up to anything though . All he wanted was my signature . Why ? Something to do with tax credits . They have started a big petition nationwide to stop it being taken away or reduced . Usually my head is in the sand when it comes to anything benefit wise as we are not entitled to anything . Nada . And yes , I have thrown a little strop when our child benefit was removed too . I gave up my job relying on that child benefit money when J turned one . Daddy M is the one and only breadwinner bringing in a regular and reliable income which has to cover everything the four of us ever needs . However , if his income was split between the two of us then we would be entitled . How is that fair ? So yes , I have thrown a strop sometimes over benefits when I couldn 't afford to go for a coffee and cake with friends . Nick Jr Pumpkin Twitter Party and giveaway ! We are going to be # NickJrPumpkinParty at home hosts and we can not wait . The party will be on twitter on Monday 26th October between 5 - 6 . 30pm with the main host being @ UKMUMSTV . So why are we hosting this twitter party ? Well its Halloween week which means lots of Halloween premiere episodes of your children 's favourite shows as well as half term , so that 's an excuse to party , right ? Read more » Last week saw us host our very first twitter party . I was very nervous as I didn 't really know what to expect apart from it being very fast moving . Due to this and the time of the twitter party we hosted our party before the event so I could concentrate on tweeting . The kids were full of excitement as they walked home together from school . J was able to show off her new toys from her birthday whilst the adults had a cuppa first . Then it was straight into party time , Doc McStuffins Pet Vet style ! Read more » J is officially six . Seriously where has the time gone ? Last year we celebrated her fifth birthday early in the summer holidays making use of the garden we used to have , and the summer weather . This was great until it was her actual birthday . She wanted another party as all kids do , and wanted another big party . It just wasn 't going to happen . This year it meant that she wanted that big party as she had to wait even longer for it . For the past six months she has been talking about her birthday and how amazing she wanted it . I think we did a pretty good job at making it THE BEST SIXTH BIRTHDAY she could wish for . Read more » I am pleased to announce I will be hosting a Doc McStuffins Twitter party . Tune in on twitter on Thursday 15th October between 1pm and 3pm . Its our first twitter party so we are very excited . You can follow along and join in with other hosts too , just follow @ UKMumsTV on twitter and make sure you use the # DocMcStuffins hash tag . There will be prizes to win by answering questions or taking part in games and activities online . Read more » MACHINES Congleton . . . a gym like no other ! Since the start of the school year I have been taking some time just for me . I was planning to keep it a secret and just see where it took me but I am enjoying it so much I just had to share . If you are local to Congleton or Macclesfield it may benefit you too ! So , what have I been doing for just one hour a week that is improving my mental well being AND my physical health at the same time ? I am attending a gym like no other , as it is more like a studio . There is no treadmills in rows nor the posers that like to show off in front of the mirror , neither is it so big that you are just a number . When you join you become a member of the family , somebody worthy or their time to train you correctly . Sounds corny doesn 't it ? But it works . The place is Machin - ES . This month the girls were invited to design their ideal dream cardboard house . We were given a large strong cardboard house and the rest was dreamt up in the girls heads . Both girls are so different and couldn 't decide on a " frog themed " house or a " princess fairy " house , so they did both . The fairest way to stop the squabbling was to give two sides to each girls . Read more » J is such a girly girl . When we were asked to pick a kit to review with Interplay it wasn 't hard to find something she would like . The invent - a - scent Perfume kit sounded perfect . J received a bottle of " Princess perfume " at Christmas and has recently started wearing it lots . This kit meant she could make her very own perfume to wear . Read more » I have been very quiet on the blog the past few weeks . I am still here , I promise ! I have been suffering from a bad chest infection that just does not seem to want to disappear . It started end of August and after three weeks of a mucus cough I headed to the drs after the pharmacist recommended it . The nurse saw me and is unsure if its asthma which could be fitness induced or an infection . She sent me away with antibiotics a peak flow checker and an inhaler . The antibiotics have now finished and the cough is still there . I felt better though and was told I could still do my walk / run programme but to listen to my body . The asthma check up is in October and I am holding out to then . . . . I love food . It is obvious when you see my instagram account . Not any food in particular , just good flavoursome food . It could be a good takeaway , or a nice piece of cake or even a home cooked meal . With this in mind I was invited along to Selfridges in Manchester 's Trafford Centre to explore the food hall . I invited Grandma M along with me to explore as we often visit food festivals together , and thought this would be something very similar . I also left the girlies behind so I could enjoy the food without them wanting to steal mine . Read more » We all remember Roald Dahl as the author of amazingly funny books whilst growing up . They have survived the test of time and are still very much loved now too . We had the joy of introducing the girls aged 3 & 5 to one of his books this week . I always thought they would be too young to appreciate it as they are not full of colour short stories they are used too , instead a real chapter book . HOW WRONG WAS I ? They loved it . Both sat either side of me chuckling away page after page of The Twits . Read more » Our latest assignment by Interplay as an ambassador was to put BFF tag jewellery to the test . Its recommended for ages 8 + but as J is close to 6 we supervised her closely . Packaged in a bright colourful box it comes with everything you will need apart from a pair of scissors , knife , something to roll the clay out with ( like a rolling pin or cup ) and an oven . Read more » Whilst we were in Dorset on our holiday this summer we visited Abbotsbury Swannery and children 's farm making use of the Tesco club card deals again . We went along with Nana too with the hope to catch them at feeding time . We arrived around lunchtime at the Swannery and realised the feeding time was not on until 4pm . To bide some time we decided to try out the children 's farm too . A little walk ( longer then it makes out ) down a country lane and we arrive . S was in a foul mood this day due to the lack of sleep , however she perked right out of it went she got to feed a guinea pig . Just look at that cheeky smile as she tries to force feed it a carrot . . . Read more » Today is the start of September which means its officially the start of my " The Fat Girls Guide to Running " challenge with Too fat to Run . If you didn 't see my introduction post I have committed the next six months to following challenges that are set in the clubhouse . This weeks challenge is the reboot . With only 4 working days left this week all we need to do is get out the front door for three of those days . Challenge one is walk , jog or run for 10 minutes , then retrace your foot steps back however you wish to do it . Challenge two is the same but for 12 minutes before turning back , and the third is for 15 minutes . This is do - able . There is no emphasis on distance or speed , just to get out and do something . A summer full of milestones ! This post is all about J and her new skills she has learnt this summer ! J has been taking part in swimming lessons for almost a year in the hope that she would be able to swim confidently with no arm bands for our big holiday this coming November . Usually 14 months would be plenty of time . Unfortunately her swim school changed instructors approximately six times in the 11 month period . This summer my aim was to try and get her booked in else where after complaining and just being told , " yeah we have had a high rate of staff turn over , but what can we do about it ? " Read more » This summer saw me and the girlies return " home " to the South Coast . We visited for almost two weeks which meant we had a lot of days to fill with entertaining the girls . One of these days I wanted to try out Farmer Palmers . My niece and nephew loved it there when they were younger so wanted to treat the girls to a fun packed day too . Read more » This summer we were invited to Beefeater to try out their summer children 's menu . We headed to Heald Green branch so we could watch the aeroplanes fly over as we ate . The children 's menu comes with a FREE Mr men or Little Miss toy with every two or three courses purchased , with a different one each week . This is only during the school holidays , so it is nearing the end now . However the menu has also been refreshed , and I must say it is very child friendly . Read more » If you follow me on Instagram and Facebook you will know we have recently been away to the South Coast . We spread ourselves wide whilst being based in Poole taking advantage of being closer to some attractions that we love . Whilst down there we booked to go to Longleat Safari Park . We went last September with a group of family , which you can read here . This time around it was just myself and the girlies . We took advantage of the Tesco club card deals again and pre - booked the date before even going down south . The day we decided to go the weather was not on our side . It was cold , wet and miserable and it was due to stay all day long . Read more » This summer we were sent some pretty girly and roar - tastic buffs for the girls to put to the test . We have never had buffs before , and to be honest didn 't really know they existed . BUFFs can be worn as a neckerchief , headband , wristband , mask , hair - band , balaclava , scarf , scrunchie , saharaine , pirate cap , beanie and bandana . So many possibilities . The junior buffs from Kit shack are also high UV protection too . Perfect . The girls enjoy watching Disney 's Frozen film . They often fight over who is going to be Anna or Elsa whilst they role play . It seems that Frozen fever is still with us so when Flair asked if we would like to review some of their latest Frozen cool create collection we couldn 't refuse . Read more » New shoes for Back to school Its not long now until J returns to school . All her uniform has been brought and is hanging ready but with shoes we wanted to wait until now in case she grew again over the summer . We were invited along to Brantano to get a free fitting . We usually trek into town to Clarks so was relieved to find out that Brantano offered this service identical to Clarks but on a more convenient retail park with a much wider selection including Hush Puppies , Start right , Clarks and Brantano budget range too . Read more » It is less then two weeks until the girls go back to school . This summer holidays the usual bedtime has disappeared . With lots of late and very late nights , still the early get ups , and no naps . . . they are in urgent need to get back to routine and settle down for some ( hopefully ) early nights . I also need them to get some catch up sleep for my sanity . I know I am not alone in this subject so have teamed up with Silentnight beds to bring you some tips which may help . . . Last week I was lucky enough to be asked if I wanted to be a guest reviewer on the Whats Good To Do website . We were sent to Frankie and Benny 's to try out the new menu and put it to the M test . This is what I had to say . . . . This week we took J to Chill Factore in Manchester . She has done so well with her first year of school we thought we would treat her and a friend to an hours play in the snow park with Daddy and myself taking advantage of a family pass . This meant that S couldn 't go , but due to her being 3 , and not liking slides we thought it was best she did a more suitable activity with Grandad M instead . Thank you Grandad . J has never had both Daddy and myself all to herself before so it was a real treat . Read more » We were sent Tara Binns Eagle - eyed pilot book to review mainly because Daddy is an airline pilot and they wanted his opinion on the book . We read almost every night to the girls just before bed and its nice to get a new book every so often to keep our minds fresh more then the girls . Read more » J has just completed her first year of school and can now read and write to the standard that is needed for her age . She now leaves notes around the house and makes beautiful cards . S loves drawing but apart from drawing spiders she has not mastered much else apart from an S squiggle . Which is about right for a three year old . Trying to get her to write her name is impossible as she refuses to copy . Due to her drawing on walls we can not leave pencils around for her to have a try unless its structured play . She will learn the hard way . . . . or will she ? Read more » The girls adore dogs . We don 't own a dog due to having two cats who do not like dogs , and its unfair on them . This has not stopped all the dog teddies and toys that we have seem d to accumulate though . The latest new dog to join the M household is this little chap . . . Read more » Well this review isn 't going to be done in the usual way I do them by putting the girls behind the testing . Its me doing the testing this time . This is because my girlies do not know I have it yet . We have previously had a fairy door that was made out of MDF , and had a paper print out stuck on the front . The magic was there until S pulled the paper off one day , and the magic fairy door could no longer let the fairies in . Due to this reckless behaviour the fairies do not want a communal fairy door , but one especially for J 's room . This will make it easier when the tooth fairy is needed too . However , we are due to put a lock on J 's door so S cant get in , but that is still on the to - do list and I wouldn 't want this special fairy door to have the same fate . Read more » If you follow me on Instagram , you will know I am attempting to become a runner by all the treadmill pictures . I am taking place in a sponsored colour run on 31st August in Warrington , where you can sponsor me here . I am not a natural runner , and when I do it its a mind over body battle on which will last the longest . Read more » Have you heard of Peblitown from Toys Alive ? To be honest I had not heard of it before being asked to review it . All I was told was that it uses an app on your tablet to interact with real toy pieces for interactive play . My girls love playing with the I - Pad and with the summer holidays and the inevitable rainy days it was a no - brainer to put it to the test . Read more » Aber Falls This week saw us driving across to Wales to review the YHA near Bangor . We made the most of the nice weather as we knew it wouldn 't be around for long so headed down the extremely narrow roads to Aber Falls . The girls enjoyed the waterfall so much at the three shire head that we wanted to see another . The photos for this day out speak for themselves , we had so many smiles and giggles just by letting the kids be kids . I hope you enjoy our memories . . . . Being a stay at home mum is tough ! Ok , my official job tittle is a " stay at home mum " . Some think it is easy . The dream that we all envisage . Baking sweet cakes , singing nursery rhymes and attending play dates all with happy smiles and no tantrums . That is the dream . I have tried being a part time working mum so have dabbled at both . Read more » I love photos . If you haven 't gathered that by now , what world do you live in ? I love beautiful scenery , and photos with my girls in . We live in a fairly big house with a lot of cream walls . They are crying out for memories to be placed on the walls . We had a beautiful canvas print of the girls done for S 's first Christmas , and a couple of smaller ones of them on their own which suited the home we lived in then . We now have too much wall space and they look lost . One of pictures just don 't do them justice . Read more » This summer holidays with the building work taking place in the garden , and Daddy M having to study for his twice yearly exam in peace , has meant that I have had to take the girls out of the house . Thankfully the Youth Hostel Association ( YHA ) asked us if we would like to review a hostel of our choice . I have stayed in hostels as a child with schools and remember having ten giggling girls to a room . This had me wondering how family friendly it would be , and so I though we would put it to the test , and if all else fails at least Daddy had some time to study whilst we had a girly break . Read more » Its been a long time since the girlies and myself went out for a " long " walk . J always seems so tired with school , or S refuses to leave . Chores need doing or the rain comes in . We had no excuse today though with the weather dry but overcast . I just had that itch to get outside . I didn 't tell the girls how long the walk is , just that 's its long , there will be sweets and a waterfall . Read more » School is out and I am trying to keep J 's brain ticking along during the six weeks off . I have read a lot online that kids always step backwards during the big summer break , so I am keen on getting her thinking a lot . We read every day , allow her some time on the I Pad for learning apps , and just ask her a lot of questions . Interplay sent us Goldie Blox and the parade float to review and I thought this would help us along with keeping her thinking . Read more » Eating out with children can sometimes be a nightmare . We have been there in the past , you order food and wait an age for anything to be served up . Children are sometimes that hungry and irritable they just need food . Straight away . Often when they are like that and we are caught out and about we usually end up a fast food outlet , however , I have just found out Brewers Fayre now do an all you can eat buffet which is instant pub food . No waiting to be cooked and served up . Read more » This year is officially the first real summer holidays we have had . OK , we have had them whilst J attended nursery but school is official , you cant just pull them out for a day out with no worries . We also get into a routine of not having them around 5 days a week for 8 hours a day , so when they are suddenly thrown back into the mix with the attitudes they have learnt from school , and the new found boredom of having nothing structured to do we are left pulling our hair out . Read more » We have an amazing giveaway for you and your family this summer . Hopefully the rain will pass and you will need to " chill " by the end of the summer holidays , or the rain will still be pouring and you are looking for somewhere to escape it but still have fun . Well , look no further then Chill Factore Snow park and play . Read more » That 's it . . . schools are officially out . The rain is pouring . What can we do to entertain and treat the kids ? ( Plus a little treat for us too ) Well . . . Café Rouge have just launched their new children 's menu and until the 31st July 2015 , kids eat free . What a launch . We can not grumble at nutritious delicious food especially if its free . Even when the launch period is over it still wont break the bank either . We put S and fussy J to the Café Rouge menu to get their verdict . Read more » In the spring I was offered a chance to review a pair of prescription sunglasses . I have not owned a pair of prescription sunglasses for many years as I used to be an avid contact lens wearer . I hated wearing glasses but with my contact lenses I would wear a very expensive pair of designers , although they would always be seen on top of my head keeping my hair out of my face , rather then on my face . Read more » The maize was up and over the girls heads , the hot sun was beaming down on us . The dirt track was dry even though it rained earlier that morning . We could hear voices , but saw no one . Armed with a rucksack full of juice , full bellies and a flag on a pole if we needed help we were lost . Where were we ? We were in the middle of a maize maze . Not just any maze . It was a HUGE over 3 miles worth of trail maze at National Forest Adventure Farm to celebrate JCB 's 70 years . We were sent Peek - Through Forest to review . Aimed at pre school children it was perfect for S . The book is written by Jonathan Litton and Illustrated by Kasia Nowowiejska . Read more » Last week saw J become an official part of girl guiding . She took her rainbow promise . I was a brownie when I was younger , and although I can not remember much of it apart from the hideous brown calottes , I remember being told that I could no longer be a brownie due to my behaviour . I later re - joined as a girl guide and those memories I do remember . They were filled with giggles , learning new skills that sometimes can not be taught at school and gave me something to do after school apart from just " chilling out " . Read more » My girls have grown up with Dora since they were babies . Dora has even grown up with them , she now has a mobile phone , and bracelets in the city with her friends . If you tune into Nick Jr between 10am and 1pm this summer , you can even sing along with Dora , Peppa pig , Paw patrol and other favourites with the lyrics on screen . Read more » This week marks ten weeks since I first stepped into my weight watchers group . Nine weeks of watching what I am eating " Weight watcher " style , but technically only six weeks actually trying due to holidays and other life goings on . Read more » I am an every morning weigher . Every morning after the loo break and before a sip of juice goes in my mouth I am stepping on those scales . They are placed in the kitchen and on a very specific tile . They seem to be accurate . However , this week they told me I lost nothing . . . . they lied to me . Read more » Brewers Fayre has recently gone through a new refurbishment of some of their pubs and added a brand new play area for the children . We were invited to the Coach House at the Trafford Centre for the big launch . The girlies had great fun playing in a brand new play area , meeting Dennis the menace followed by a lovely meal too . Read more » With summer well on its way its only natural we want the garden looking pretty . We have spent a lot of time in ours this past week and apart from the bottom half looking a mess as the builders still have not started , our section isn 't looking too bad with the wild look flowers taking over the rockery , and well maintained lawn it is looking picturesque . This will change though when the builders start . Read more » It feels so long ago now that we were on our holiday in France . The purpose of our holiday was to review the three bedroom Avant accommodation with Eurocamp . This style accommodation is new for 2015 , and we were one of the first to step inside . Our accommodation was in La Pointe , St Giles which is in Bènodet , Brittany . My weight loss journey is now in full swing . I think I have got my small holiday weight gain back off and my energy levels are rising . My twisted knee ligament seems to have healed much quicker then anticipated too so the exercise has started again . I have chosen to start the Couch to 5k programme again as I enjoyed it so much last time I completed it , albeit a few years ago now . Read more » Everyone has a camera these days . Whether it be with a phone , a compact camera or a DSLR . Its great photos and memories can be captioned anywhere from holidays to sports days , but what do you do with your photos once you have clicked and possibly shared on social media ? The majority of ours are just stored on our computer and I dread to think what will happen if we ever get a virus or get burgled . All those captured memories lost forever . My nan asked me a few Christmas 's ago what I do with them , and she couldn 't believe I didn 't pop them in a photo album . Read more » Children often get " bored " despite the many toys , books and games they have . They don 't actually mean bored when they come whining , sometimes it is a challenge they want . Something to do with a purpose . We have noticed this more and more with J recently as she is becoming older . She is closer now to being 6 then she is to 5 , and needing that little something extra . Read more » It doesn 't often snow in England , and certainly not when there is a heat wave looming , when all you can think about is how to cool the hot sweaty fed up children down . What if I told you there is a place you can have fun and " chill out " in Manchester ? Though you will still need to wrap up warm . Well there is a place that can do just that , and its just had a great new make over . Its the NEW Arctic Adventure Playground also known as Mini Moose land at Chill Factore . It is perfect for children aged 4 and under . We actually spent S 's 2nd birthday in the playground at Chill Factore and had great fun . Now its even better . Chill Factore Jan 2014 S has finally reached the age where she likes playing with J now rather then doing her own thing alongside her . This is an age thing and yes this brings ALOT of sibling arguments . To try and alleviate the " but I was playing with that " start of an argument we have got a toy Post Office for them to play with together . So far this has worked well as one can be the post office worker , whilst the other the customer . Read more » First of all let me apologise for not updating last week . There is a reason why I did not update , and that 's because I chickened out of going to group and didn 't weigh in . Big mistake I know . I have been this week though , hooray . Hands up if you like cake . Everyone I know loves cake , some like it sweet and sickly , others like it moist and subtle . I 've never heard of anyone not liking cake so when Love Marlenka asked if I would like to review some , AND give some away to one of my lucky readers I just couldn 't refuse . Read more » This weekend I attended my very first EVER Britmums Live . As soon as I started thinking about attending events , Britmums was the top of the must attend events . I have attended a few now , including Blog camp and BlogOnMosi . So what do I think of Britmums ? Read more » As its fathers day , this weeks My Sunday Photo has to include Daddy M and the girlies . We did have a lovely quick look at mummy and smile photo on this beach whilst they were walking in size order BUT . . . . Daddy M didn 't smile and instead looked like he didn 't want to be there so we will make do with the backs . . . Happy Fathers Day Daddy M ! Posted by The girlies have wanted to grow their own butterflies for a few years now . Last year we came close with finding some caterpillars all over the nettles at the bottom of the garden . Unfortunately the birds soon found most of them and they didn 't have a chance to change or even grow from being tiny caterpillars . This year Interplay asked if we would like to review their butterfly world and we jumped at the chance . Summer . It looks like it is here , or maybe not . The great British weather can not make its mind up which means when we have a nice day we need to grab it with both hands and make the most of it . It could be raining tomorrow . So that 's exactly what S and myself did on Friday whilst J was at school . Sorry J . We grabbed it and ran to the local park Whilst on holiday I did go very snap happy , hence why all my holiday posts recently ( and lots more to come ) are very photo heavy . I had a little browse to try and find one that took my breath away , after just stepping off the ferry and into St Malo we were surrounded by a lot of natural beauty , it was very easy to get a beautiful photo , do you think I captured the beauty ? I have just started taking my camera off the auto feature thanks to the photography institute course I am doing and I can already tell the difference in my photos . Posted by As the title suggests we got to review " Noisy Dinosaurs " . Its from Little Tiger Kids and is the ' My first touch and feel sound book ' range . Since we received it S has claimed it has hers . Thrown it in peoples faces to read , and pretty much not let it out of her sight . It is a real hit . It helps she is dinosaur mad anyway , but just take a look and see why she loves it so much . . . We have just got back from our first family trip to France . We sailed from Portsmouth into St Malo and returned from Caen back into Portsmouth with Brittany Ferries . The flexibility to choose different return ferries made our holiday experience more flexible . The St Malo ferry was an overnight ferry . This did have me very anxious as to whether the girls would sleep or just be too excited and be bouncing around . Read more » Where has the time gone ? We are in June already ? Crikey . My social media pages are filled with wedding outfits , and pictures of table decorations . The wedding season has well and truly kicked off ! Daddy M and myself have now been married almost 5 years , and I would love to plan it again , and again . Read more » Spinnaker Tower Review We left early , very early on the day we needed to catch our ferry to France . This was essential to make sure we didn 't miss our boat . We all know the motorway system around the UK ; one accident , and it goes to a standstill . We were lucky , despite the rain our journey from the North West to Portsmouth only took 4 . 5 - 5hours with a quick stop for lunch . This meant we had a few hours to explore Portsmouth a little more . I am originally from Portsmouth but it has changed so much since I have been away . Spinnaker tower has now been built , and has been standing high and mighty for 10 years . It has been on our bucket list to visit for a few years , so this was our perfect opportunity to explore a national icon . Read more » Wow . . . I have not kept to the diet at all whilst being away . I had lots of French baguettes , croissants and even more cake , wine and cocktails . Everything I should have only in moderation . Hey , its a holiday A ? ND my birthday , so I allowed myself the week . In reality it turned to 12 days . Straight after my last weigh in , things started slipping the wine poured and the chocolate disappeared . Read more » This weeks wicked Wednesday is " FACEPLANT ! " It had myself , Daddy , and the Tumble Tots team in fits of laughter . She had done the course over and over again , really being a little big for it now , but as S was taking part , she could too . Over confident she became , and " BANG ! " she face planted the thankfully soft tunnel . This is how it was meant to have looked . . . Jumping onto the rollers , and rolling into the tunnel seamlessly . . . . A summary of our Eurocamp Holiday in France Holidays . The thought of them brings a smile to your face . Memories come flooding back from previous trips , and thoughts of what to do on your next break " away from it all " sets you off daydreaming . Reality . . . packing , planning , exhaustion and lots of washing afterwards . Is it worth it ? Well , we wouldn 't keep going on them if it wasn 't would we ? Read more » If you are a regular reader of my blog , you are well aware I like my photos . I have been called snap happy on LOTS of occasions . This I really don 't mind being called , as sometimes I catch an amazing photo , and sometimes its just a blugh . . . With digital cameras , its easy and doesn 't do any damage being trigger happy on the old click , click button . Now what do I do with the AMAZING photos once I have caught them ? Read more » J instantly fell in love with her new rucksack from NICI . Isn 't he the cutest ? She keeps calling him a koala bear , despite him being a sloth , but she is still smitten . Its hard for anyone not to fall in love with the cute rucksack though . Read more » Lego Discovery Centre A few weeks ago , we were invited to LEGOLAND Discovery Centre for the launch party of the new Duplo village . Unfortunately this fantastic party clashed with Grandads birthday get - together , thankfully , we were able to come and visit another day to try the new area out . We decided to visit on a busy half - term afternoon , as it was the only convenient time we could do . As we arrived , it was buzzing , kids running around happy and excited , some intensely building models , and others waiting patiently for the 4D short film to start . LEGOLAND discovery centre is on a much smaller scale then LEGOLAND Windsor but all undercover . This makes it a great day out come rain or shine . Read more » Weight watchers , Week 3 weigh in . Last week I set myself the goal to loose 2 . 5Ib . This would enable to get my 5 % weight loss from original body weight weigh in award . I thought it was do - able with a lot of walking thrown in , and sticking to my points . However , shortly after posting that goal , I was invited out , not for just one , but two three course meals . I didn 't count those evenings , and just had what I fancied , including a cocktail and a glass of wine . I let my hair down , and enjoyed both meals because I did . Read more » " I want to hold a spider mummy ! " Was all I could hear en - route to National Adventure Farm . It was a big mistake telling little S that it was wild and deadly week whilst we were there , which meant they could get up close and personal with some terrifying animals . This weekend after visiting Tatton Parks Geronimo festival , we didn 't want to fun to finish on such a fun family day out . Instead of heading home , we headed to Hungry Horse . Brighton Belle in Winsford . It is just a 25 minute drive from Tatton park , making it a great time to stop off if heading south . Enough time for the kiddies to have 40 winks , without them being to cranky when they wake . We had been eagerly awaiting this weekend since January , when we were asked to be Geronimo ambassadors . We heard what the plan was , and it sounded like an amazing day out for families . From our experience , sometimes , the build up is not worth the event , and others , its not built up enough . Geronimo Festival , was the latter . The atmosphere was relaxed . There was no hurrying , pushing , or urgency . We were amazed . We were expecting to need alcohol after the stress of a busy day out . However , the festival was spread out so we were not on top of others , which meant the children could get hands on . It wasn 't too far spread out , so the little legs could still get around . It was very well thought out . Read more » This week , I have chosen two photos . The reason being , I couldn 't simply choose just one . When I saw them I instantly smiled . They are so full of energy . What do you think ? Which is your favourite ? Both were taken at Geronimo Festival on Saturday . Monkey doo , climbing the nets . . . Friday nights usually consists of myself in my pj 's when the girls go to bed , and occasionally with a cheeky vodka and coke , with a film on the TV . How times have changed since parenthood , and settling down to married life . So , when Wilmslow Revolution bar invited myself and a guest to come and review them on a Friday evening , I quickly glimpsed to see if Daddy M was around for " babysitting " duties , and snapped their hand off . A catch up with A from 3boyshubbyandme , with no children around , a cheeky cocktail , and good food was well over due . Read more » The girls are becoming more and more aware about time . What time is it ? Is a constant saying in our house , so when Little Tiger Press , offered us to review " What 's the time Clockodile ? " We kindly accepted . Read more » The birds were singing their heavenly songs , as the soft breeze cooled us down on the warm Sunday morning . We were in good spirits celebrating Grandad 's birthday a day late . The girls were happy to be outside roaming , as us adults enjoyed the slow easy paced Sunday walk and catch up . Wow , it doesn 't seem that long ago that we had our last half term does it ? Where did that time go ? You can see what our plans were here . . . We have two weeks off , which is great , as the second week is usually quieter , as some schools only get the one week . So what do we have planned ? Lasts weeks weigh in really surprised me with how much I lost in such a short space of time . Considering when I was on the 5 : 2 diet , at the 10 week mark I had lost 8 . 5Ib , which you can see all the results here . Read more » This weeks Wicked Wednesday , is a shot that I know most parents will nod their heads at . . . knickers and tights removed as soon as they walk through the door . . . . S is a streaker . . . if she had her chance she would be starker 's all the time . We have managed to get clothes on her , but these days it HAS to be a dress , and if she co operates , a t shirt too . I 'm not sure if this is part of her Kidney reflux showing , or just a three year old thing , but she hates anything on her bottom half . We have been known to be out , and about , and then realise she stripped her undies off before leaving , and therefore , commando . . . and yes one of these times was at a build a bear party , where she had to sit cross legged on the floor . . . We have had stern words . . . . and now she is allowed to go bottom commando at home when we have no guests , but if we go out , or have guests , they have to go back on . . . If you follow me on instagram , you will see on some photos a well placed mug or hand to hide the rudies . . . . I can not be alone ? ? Surely ? ? Wow , its really crept up on us . Geronimo is here with us next weekend . Feels so long ago now , back at the end of January , when we were asked to be Ambassadors . Read more » The girlies are squabbling again . The high pitch scream , and the heavy foot steps means one thing . . . Mummy is having to play referee again . Welcome to the M house . This happens around . . . oh my gosh . . . too many time a day . Either this , or the " pleeeassseeeeee . . . . . . . but why not ? " Oh , and don 't let me get started on the continuous foot stomping . You would think I had tweens or teens the rate my energy levels are decreasing on a daily basis . I 'm looking more and more worn out as the days goes past . . Look . . . don 't I look exhausted ? And we don 't even have a baby in the house any more , or even a toddler . S is a pre - schooler now , and J is in school . So why am I so exhausted looking after these two ? ? Read more » A few months ago , if you follow my blog , you will remember I tried out the Thinking Slimmer SlimPod and FitPod . It worked , and my thinking towards food completely changed . You will also know that I am now back at the weight I was after loosing some . Why ? Well my phone died on me , and EE had it for 3 weeks , whilst it sat in store doing nothing for 10days was sent off for repair . They gave me a temporary " smart " phone . However I was not able to download a single app , or an MP3 track . This hindered my thinking slimmer listening as I no longer had my convenient outlet to listen to the pod . Read more » Last week saw me embark on a new journey . I stepped away from the 5 : 2 diet which was proving more difficult day by day , with failed fasts and the weight creeping back on . A holiday looming just around the corner , and a holiday of a lifetime for our 5 year wedding anniversary in just 6 months . I wanted a diet that I didn 't know much about , so I had to re study , and learn new things . This week has been a steep learning curve . Read more » This # WickedWednesday post doesn 't really need a dialog with it . Daddy M , trapped . . . . with only the TV remote and PlayStation controller to hand , he just couldn 't resist a cheeky daytime game . Posted by The air is filled with giggles and screams of excited children . Children falling down the revolving tubes , and mud splattered parents over confidently attempting a giddy run through . Will they make it through , without falling hard ? Does it matter , if they do fall ? Everyone is giggling , smiling and happy at the Crocky Trail . This week I started weight watchers again . This means new recipes to try out , and new tastes for the girlies . Tonight 's recipe was Prawn and Chorizo Paella . It is a big hit with ALL the family , and at only 8pp a serving , a big hit with me too . Check out J 's video on how to make it , super cute , a little chef in the making . . . Read more » We all dream of scooping the jackpot , especially if it 's a rollover . Some of us would go on exotic holidays to somewhere like the Bahamas or maybe we 'd go somewhere we 've always dreamed about visiting like Australia . Perhaps you 'd go on an African safari … the list goes on . The room was steaming up as the hot bath ran . In dropped a beautifully crafted Bath creamer . The room soon was filled with the soft feminine scent , as the water turned into a milky colour . I dipped my toes in , perfect temperature . My foot soon felt soft and smooth . Wow , these bath creamers know how to treat a tired exhausted mum . Read more » Heading towards a new journey . . . Today I embarked on a new journey to try and get me where I want to be . Anyone that knows me , knows I am not entirely happy about my body . When I met hubby , I was a slim size 10 - 12 . I am now a fair bit bigger , and an extra 4 stone heavier . Having two young girls to run after , does not make that easy . At the start of the year , I attempted the 5 : 2 diet . This diet works if you can get through the two fast days successfully . I have had many failed fast days , and finally woke up to the realisation that after my 10 week review in March , I have since piled it all back on . This diet is not for me , for the long run . The pounding of the heavy horses feet onto the hard grass , built up the atmosphere . On top of the horses were two men dressed for battle in full armour . One added what I can only describe as a skirt to his armour . Both were armed and ready for business , and headed , head on for each other . They looked like they would collide , but had a fence between them protecting the horses . BANG . The weapon hit . Read more » Geronimo , even more fun has been added . . . I have just been informed that even more line ups have been confirmed for Geronimo . We are so excited for this family festival . You can read our other posts on this exciting even that is coming to Tatton Park , Cheshire on May 23 - 25th here , and here . Read more » Natty Mat review , why i wont go out without one . . . . The air was filled with a general buzz , nothing really stood out , but you could tell it was a sound of lots of people having fun , mixed in with the echo of the large room , and the sound of gigantic splashes in the pool . Of course it was the leisure centres swimming pool , at the public swim session . A perfect place to take J for extra swimming sessions as it was much cheaper then the quiet , small private gym , she has her weekly swimming lessons at . When it was time to get out , that was where the fun stopped . Read more » S is a very picky eater . Well she eats anything , if she wants to , but the amounts are tiny , I am amazed she has so much energy on so little calories . Yesterday she spotted the " teddy bear ham " in the shop , and I gave in . J eagerly went to measure herself against the minimum height board , and jumped excitedly up and down . There was nothing I could do but stand back and watch as my 5 year old climbed up onto onto the enormous bright yellow , mud covered JCB . Was she really allowed to sit behind the controls of this mean machine , and then take the controls , and drive off out of sight ? Read more » The temperatures outside was the hottest of the year , and as we walked in , it felt even hotter . The air was filled with excitement of both the children and the mums , some of whom travelled from miles . The sound of sweaty little feet pounding the floor , round in circles as the giddy children ran of the excess energy . It was then time to get down to business . . . . " It was a hard knock life " . Read more » In half term last spring , we visited Crosby beach for the very first time . Its where my logo badge was captured . It was a great day out , albeit very muddy , when we were not expecting mud . You can read about it here . We had so much fun , that we decided to go back again this half term , with some different friends then last time , with 3 boys . Crosby beach is famous for the 100 cast iron statues of naked men , which the girls found hilarious last time . Read more » FARM Jigsaw and sticker book review Just before half term , we were sent this Farm Jigsaw , and sticker book by Little Tiger press , to review with S . It got a little battered by the post , but inside was still perfect condition . Inside the box was a well made floor puzzle , with 36 pieces . When I say well made , I mean durable , and not likely to break unless chewed and munched on . It was pretty much solid . We have had many floor puzzles , and can tell when they will last , this one will . It also comes with a sticker book , with pages that match up with the puzzle . S wanted to do the puzzle first . She loved matching up all the different animals . . . . . . But we made the edges first , so we knew how big it would be , and roughly where everything would be . . She LOVED it , it kept her concentration , and she completed it all , with only a little bit of help . Once it was completed , there was another activity . . . on the border was animals she had to find within the picture . Again S loved this activity , she even started counting them . After the puzzle , we opened up the sticker book . Immediately , S recognised the backgrounds as the same as the puzzle . In the sticker book , there is a few lines , to tell you what your child needs to add to each page . S really enjoyed personalising her own farm , putting the animals in her very special places . So , what did S think of this activity pack which retails at £ 8 . 99 . . . well I think you can tell she gives it the thumbs up . . You can buy it from here .
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I probably need to clarify some of my thoughts related to my last post . I really don 't believe cancer is " mind over matter " . I don 't think positive thoughts and doing everything right promises a cancer cure or good outcomes . . . I am all too aware of those who have a positive and strong " I 'm going to beat this " attitude , who don 't beat cancer . I know of people who have been healthy eaters , athletes , who do yoga , who have faith and who have been diagnosed with and who succumb to cancer . I know of many who pursue very healthy lifestyles after a cancer diagnosis , to no avail . Cancer is sometimes bigger than all of our resources . I also know that based on new research that there are some who have a genetic predisposition to violent reactions to chemo . Going into chemo treatment with a positive attitude won 't over - ride their predisposition to have violent reactions to the drugs . And many suffer surgical complications they have no control over . Many have more extensive surgeries than I did , so have a more prolonged recovery than mine . I guess I was just thinking of patients I have seen over the years as a nurse , with and without cancer , who decide ahead of time that therapy will be difficult , recovery prolonged , who anticipate negative reactions to every new drug they are given , to every new treatment . And their beliefs are often realized . I see many who assume prior to surgery that they will feel badly for a long time after , and they do . And some who assume they will have a prolonged recovery from surgery do so in part because they assume an invalid mentality post - op . They assume they need to stay in bed feeling badly , and the staying in bed promotes a prolonged recovery as they heal more slowly when they decide to not move . And there are some who experience " anticipatory " nausea and vomiting prior to chemo . . . . they actually feel nauseated and vomit prior to chemo treatments , as they have convinced themselves it is inevitable . I had chemo every Tuesday , and had chemo with the same group of patients week after week . No one in my group had negative responses to chemo . Many went out to eat or went out shopping after chemo treatments . We laughed and talked and had fun during our hours of chemo . Those who had difficulties with chemo were in the minority . I 've seen many patients over the years who have done well after major surgery , because they were proactive and decided to do everything they could to recover rapidly . I 've also seen many who recovered slowly and who had many complications related to the fact that they assumed they were supposed to feel badly and so acted accordingly . One of the biggest things cancer takes from us is our sense of control . And we cannot control that we were diagnosed with cancer , we cannot control our final outcome of the diagnosis . But we can have some control , even still . I feel expectations , at least in regards to therapy often do often influence outcomes ( though a good attitude doesn 't guarantee a good outcome ) . We have a chance to be in control , at least in some ways , of how we respond to therapy . We can be victPosted by While I don 't believe " thinking positive " is vital to a good cancer outcome , I do believe that negative assumptions affect cancer treatment outcomes . I know of many who assume prior to cancer therapy that their normal lives will be over while on chemo . . . they will feel ill , be nauseated , will vomit often , not be able to eat and will be fatigued while on chemo . And bald . Many also assume their recovery from surgery will be extensive , they will be out of commission for months following surgical intervention . They assume they will have side effects from radiation therapy . I wonder sometimes if those assumptions become a self - fulfilling prophecy ? I personally had a very major cancer surgery . Prior to surgery I was told I would be in ICU post - op and would be hospitalized for at least 12 days . But I didn 't go to ICU post - op as I did well after surgery . I was discharged in 6 days , not 12 . I walked 3 miles 8 days after my surgery . I was driving my car in 2 weeks and back to my normal life in three weeks . I started chemotherapy with no pre - conceived notions of my life being altered , and it wasn 't . I was nauseated only once during my 7 months of chemotherapy , ate well , gained weight and never vomited . I didn 't lose my hair . I drove myself to and from chemo treatments and ran errands on my way home from chemo . I did athletic training while on chemo . Six months after I completed chemo I rode my bicycle 100 miles in one day ( I trained for that event while on chemo ) . I lived a normal life . . . the few chemo side effects I had were cured with medication once I brought them to the attention of my oncologist . I felt a bit washed out on chemo days , but hey , I 'd had days where I felt a bit washed out prior to chemo . They 've come a long way with chemo , nowadays drugs are given prior to chemo treatments to prevent side - effects . I had a friend with my same cancer who was in her 70s . She was also discharged from the hospital following her extensive surgery in a week . She was soon after surgery kayaking and hiking and doing the things she loved . My 79 year old aunt is experiencing a breast cancer recurrence , but is living a normal and full life while on chemo , following 39 uneventful radiation treatments . I know of others who after the same surgery I had spend months recovering . Who don 't resume their lives and interests for the better part of a year . And I wonder sometimes if expectations play a part in outcomes . If we expect to be ill and disabled , maybe we will be . If we expect prolonged recovery , maybe it will become our reality . It 's not so much that we need to think positive when we enter cancer treatment , maybe it 's more that we go into it open - minded ? Maybe our attitudePosted by I am a great fan of another cancer survivor 's blog , The Pastor 's Cancer Diary " . It is written ( well written ! ) by Rev . Carl Wilton , a man living in a " slow motion crisis " . He has a documented lymphoma recurrence that it just there , being constantly monitored , but for now not getting any better or worse . He 's in a prolonged period of watchful waiting . Living fully with the uncertainty cancer brings to our lives . He recently did a great post I recommend you read , The Glad Game . " We cancer survivors hear a lot about the importance of maintaining a positive attitude . In many ways , that advice is but a warmed - over version of Pollyanna 's Glad Game . The problem is , no real person can be as relentless in playing the game as the fictional Pollyanna . Feelings of sadness and dejection sometimes present themselves , and that 's OK . They come with the territory . He also in his post quoted a hero of mine , Dr . Jimmie Holland ( who I got to have lunch with once ! ! ) . She is a psychiatrist who has written books about the emotional aspect of cancer survivorship and who deals with the normal emotions cancer patients feel . She founded the science of psycho - oncology . I 've struggled a lot with the sentiment that we with a cancer diagnosis are always expected to " think positive " . I 've wondered sometimes why those who experience great physical trauma , heart attacks etc . are not held to the same expectation to " think positive " as we with cancer are . I loved that my mom , when she was hospitalized and paralyzed and disabled was able to tell me how depressed she was . I told her she had every right to feel depressed ; life had dealt her a terrible blow , she had lost a lot . In her life at the time , depression was justified . It was a normal reaction to her circumstance . But people don 't say that to cancer patients . Somehow for us " staying positive " is supposed to help us beat our disease . We aren 't allowed to feel depressed or frustrated or discouraged at the negative changes cancer has brought into our lives . We are supposed to deny those normal negative feelings . But denying feelings is always bad , I think . We need to be able to feel what we feel . To be honest . We can 't move forward until we process those negative feelings ; the grief , the hurt , the fear . We need to be allowed to be who we are , to feel what we feel . To have support when we can 't always be " positive " . A cancer diagnosis deals us a terrible blow , in so many ways . Yes , we feel negative emotions . We can 't be positive until we process the negative . We need to be able to feel all that we feel . We need to be able to feel hurt and pain and anger before we can move beyond to the " positive " . Negative feeling are normal and justified . We can 't be " positive " until we process the negative . I saw my oncologist for my annual visit this week ( and I know how lucky I am only to be seeing an oncologist yearly now . . . I remember my very frequent oncology visits for many years ) . I have a kind of fun story about my oncologist . . . the oncologist I saw for the first 7 years retired and moved to California . I liked her a lot . Being a nurse and knowing physicians in the community , I 've always chosen my own doctors , and they are always the best . The oncology practice called me after my oncologist retired and told me they had chosen a new oncologist for me . I took offense to that , I told them I always choose my own physicians , I 'd do some research and choose my new oncologist , thank you . The office staff told me the oncologist they 'd chosen for me was a new one , they really liked him , and asked me to just give him a chance . I reluctantly said okay , I 'd see him once . Well , I fell in love with him immediately ( in the medical sense ) ! We truly hit it off and the first time I saw him we talked for an hour and a half about new cancer research studies , integrative medicine , cancer genomics . . . all before he got around to examining me . I had been reading a book about integrative medicine that had just been published , he had been reading the same book . When I told him initially I had been evaluated by a surgical oncologist at a university hospital in Chicago who 'd told me I had no hope and was untreatable , he immediately knew who the physician was before I 'd said the name , and had had issues with that surgeon in the past . I left the office smiling and accepting the " I told you so 's " from the staff after that first visit . We again had a lot to talk about this latest visit . He is hoping to revamp the large oncology practice to make it more integrative . To have massage therapy , nutritionists , acupuncture therapy , exercise programs and a new building with a garden and a less clinical atmosphere available to patients . I think that is a wonderful dream . He said when that happens he wants me to be part of it , I would truly love that . We got to talking about the emotional needs of cancer patients . We both talked about the depression we see in cancer patients after they finish therapy and are in cancer 's " waiting room " without the chemo / radiation safety net . I had talked about the fact that in my experience in the cancer community everyone wants support from other cancer patients , but no one wants to join support groups . They have a bad reputation , no one wants to be around those who are " weak " and struggling . We talked about the need for there to be empowering support groups . In the past he had one called " Strategies for Success " that focused on maintaining optimum physical and emotional health , focusing on things one could do to help control cancer and prevent recurrence , ways to gain and maintain a sense of control after cancer . I think that is the kind of support we really need . I think regaining control over our lives is crucial . I see so many cancer patients who pursue drastic dietary changes ( only raw fruits and vegetables ) , who grab at anything that might give them a sense of control over cancer . . . meditation , visualization , vitamins and herbals , psychoanalysis to discover unresolved hurts that might have cause their cancer etc . etc . I tried some of that initially ( visualization and meditation ) but never stuck with it . I didn 't change my diet ( I still do McDonald 's and fast food sometimes and don 't eat enough fresh fruits and vegetables ) , but always wondered if I should . I think I , like all cancer patients , wanted to feel like I was still fighting , that I had some way to control my future and my outcome , that I still had tools . I wanted to feel empowered again . I wanted to own my life and my future again . It would be great for cancer patients to be part of a program that promoted education into tried and true methods to reduce chances of cancer recurrence , that gave cancer patients a sense of control , that made them feel proactive once they completed treatment . For those of you interested , I was asked to blog weekly for Everyday Health , I 've been doing that for a couple of months now , the link is Against All Odds : Thoughts of an Appendix Cancer Survivor . So if your eyes aren 't worn out reading this blog , I now have two ! I was honored in that they featured one of my blog posts in their Woman 's Health Newsletter delivered to a million people last week . I love to write , so it has been fun to be asked to write more ! I have recently been talking to my mom - in - law about my mother 's death , we have always talked a lot , we are usually on the phone for at least an hour every time we talk . We mutually agreed several years ago to drop the " in - law " designation , she 's my mom and I 'm her daughter . We 've been pretty close for 22 years now . She is probably the most giving person I know . She was very open in talking with my kids about sex and drugs and alcohol as they became teens , she was also their caretaker when I was hospitalized for my cytoreduction surgery and for all of the trips I made before and after to NYC . My kids have always thought she was very " cool " for a grandma , they can talk to her about boyfriends and just about anything . She had all of her grandkids over to her house for sleepovers several times when they were younger , she played games with them and made pizzas with them until the wee hours of the morning . When her brother died and she received an inheritance from him , she spent it all taking her kids and grandkids to Disney World . . . I missed the trip as I was receiving peritoneal chemo and had just had my surgery several weeks before . I didn 't want to miss any chemo then . She is in her 70s but still loves amusement parks , still goes on all of the rides . She regularly drives the Chicago expressways I 'm afraid to travel . She sent me a card sympathy card that I really liked , along with a heartfelt note . A part of it I really liked said " If a tiny baby could think , it would be afraid of birth . To leave the only world it had known would seem a kind of death . But immediately after birth the child would find itself in loving arms and cared for every moment . Surely the baby would say " I was foolish to doubt God 's plan for me . This is a beautiful life " . I 'd heard that sentiment before , but I loved really thinking about it now , especially since death and the dying are a big part of my world , both as a nurse and member of the cancer community , and especially since my mom has passed . We went to her memorial service yesterday . If we were born into this life so much different and better than a dark womb , imagine what heaven must be like in comparison ! I love thinking of my mother 's birth into that world ! I read a sci - fi book long ago . In it a space ship sent several expeditions with multiple people on board to a planet they had wanted to explore . No ship ever returned , it was thought all aboard the ships had perished . It turned out , though , that all of the passengers had made it to the planet . The planet was beautiful , with awesome colors they had never seen before , beautiful landscapes and everything they had ever needed or wanted . All who went to that planet had loved it so much they had chosen never to return . I 've always thought of that story when I lose a patient . Maybe where we go after death is a place like that , a place we never want to leave . I think there are various transition periods in all of our lives . I think the first is in grade school , third grade ( okay , maybe preschool if our kids go there ) . Suddenly education gets serious and you have to learn more complex math and cursive writing . . . it 's not all about puppy stories during library time and arts and crafts and learning the alphabet anymore . My youngest had a tough transition during third grade , she wanted to quit school then and I talked her out of it . She did finally graduate from high school ! Then there 's the transition to junior high school and the freshman year in high school . I think sophomore year is another transition period . . . my kids wanted to be more independent and their own people separate from me then . They didn 't want me to always chaperon school events anymore or to have all of the social activities with their friends only at my house . They needed to establish themselves separate from me and from our family , they needed to be their own people . I understood that and told them I would never chaperon school or social activities again unless they specifically asked me to ( I didn 't get asked often after sophomore year ) . Prior to that I point I had been involved in all of their school and social activities . They spent more time at friend 's houses and more overnights away from home without my intervention and presence . They needed to experience other family dynamics than our own . Then of course there is the transition to college life and semi - independence , life away from parents with decisions they are accountable for and responsible for without parental input . . . a normal part of growing to be independent adults . I am at a point of transition now . . . and I know I am lucky to have survived cancer long enough to have experienced this current transition . This year has been a year of changes for me . My kids are both away at school , so I am officially an empty - nester . . . lots of pros as well as cons in that situation . I also turned 50 recently , so am dealing with the fact that I don 't have an unlimited number of years let to explore endless possibilities . I have an expiration date , even without cancer looming in my life at the moment . I also lost my mom and officially became an orphan , a normal transition for most of us at the middle age part of our life . I think many of us at middle - age experience these multiple transitions . Mine have been within a matter of months , maybe for others the transition is more spread out . Unfortunately hours at my very lucrative job recently dried up too , so for the moment I am unemployed and doing a job search . I guess that was good in that it allowed me to be able to visit my mom downstate during two of her recent hospitalizations and to be home with my kids for Thanksgiving break and now to have finished the Christmas shopping . In some ways I am kind of depressed right now with all of the changes life has recently presented me , but in another way , I am very hopeful and expectant . Transitions in life always herald a new beginning , a revelation , a new start . Transitions herald growth . I don 't know where I will go from here , but I am hopeful . Expectant . A new beginning is waiting , and I am ready to dive into that new beginning . My mom passed a few days ago , and I was grateful for that . I didn 't have a need to travel to be at her bedside as she passed , probably because if I was in that state I personally would wait to leave until I was secure in the fact that my kids were in their own homes with the people who loved and supported them before I would be able to let go . Most of the dying I and other health care workers have been around have waited to leave until family members went home to change clothes or get a few hours of sleep . They 'd already said their goodbyes and said what they needed to say . The dying person used their time alone to finally make peace with their lives here and to leave without traumatizing anyone . I will ask my kids to do the same if I am ever in that state . I don 't want them to ever do a " death vigil " for me . For me I will need to be alone with my God when I finally let go . And in reality , we all come into this world and leave alone , those are personal journeys we make . We can only make them alone . I am very close to my mother - in - law , and when she was critically ill and when we were not sure she would survive , we took turns visiting her during the day . We made sure one of us children were there each day when she was hospitalized , but we went home at night . She told me she felt she was sitting in God 's lap , that she never felt alone or afraid . That made me feel so good . So reassured . What can be better than sitting in God 's lap ? Being with the all - powerful was better for her than her being with us . I felt I said what I needed to say to my mom when she was hospitalized the last time . I said goodbye and told her I loved her when she was awake and could see me . I had things I would have liked to have asked her then , to have bridged the gap in what we had ( and hadn 't ) communicated to that point , but we didn 't , we didn 't have that alone time . But I think we will in Heaven . We were kind of distant in this lifetime , but I think we will be close in Heaven . I will know her better there . We will be the confidants in Heaven that we weren 't in this lifetime , I think . And I feel I communicated with her from a distance when she was in her " in between " state . I feel that geographical boundaries don 't apply at that time . I played for her " In the Arms of the Angels " on my piano , though she 's never heard me play the piano . I learned to play long after I left my childhood home at age age 17 . We communicated more from a distance than I think than I would have communicated with her in person when she was in that dying state . To me that meant more than being physically present at her deathbed . I have no regrets . In the spirit of " Waiting Room " , my family and I have been in one lately . My mom had a stroke a few weeks ago , followed by several more strokes which left her very disabled . She was hospitalized twice . She yesterday had another massive stroke and is in the hospital again . She is not conscious or expected to survive . I feel sad for what she has suffered , that she had become disabled and intermittently confused related to her stokes . She had also become very depressed as a result of her recent traumas , and I know personally that the emotional struggles are the worst part of any physical illness . But as she is in the last waiting room of her life , I really do not grieve for her , or for myself . I am sure some would see me as callous . But I know when she leaves this world she will finally be at her real home , and will be whole and happy and will have many to greet her . She will never hurt or struggle again . I would rather see her there than enduring months , maybe years , rehabilitating from her stokes in a nursing home , away from the home she loved and the things she loved to do . I will miss her , but only for awhile , it 's a temporary separation . Being in the cancer community for so long , I have seen very many lose their battles . Many who were young and still raising children , many who had careers they loved and goals they wanted to achieve in the remaining decades they thought they would have . I was recently in contact with a family who lost their 23 year old son to a cancer similar to ours . I 've communicated with a 19 year old appendix cancer patient . I worked once with a family who had lost two children both in their early twenties to two different types of cancer , brain cancer and lymphoma over just a two year period . A five year old at our church died of brain cancer in spite of overwhelming prayer support . I had trouble dealing with all of that for a long time , so read many books about heaven and the life after this one . I also worked for a hospice as a volunteer for many month in trying to come to terms with it . I talked to many patients about their feelings about their impending death . Their fears , their hopes , their struggles . Patients who were relieved to finally have someone they could talk to about their impending death . As a nurse , I 've held the hands of many who were actively dying as they have passed from this life into the next , some who I think waited for family members to leave as they didn 't want to put their loved ones through the trauma of witnessing their death . I 've let patients who were barely living know that they had permission to leave , to move on to their next life , to stop suffering and lingering in the dying state . . . that it was okay , they could go home . I 've also asked families to give their dying loved ones that permission . I 've supported families who have chosen withhold food and hydration that would only prolong death and not life in a person who was at the end of their journey . So I am very familiar with end - of - life issues . Once when I was waiting in the " CT scan waiting room " wondering if I had an impending death sentence , I met a woman , now 70 , who in her 20s had a near death experience when she was very ill . She told me in detail about the heaven she went to during that experience . She said when she woke up in a hospital room later , she cried for three days because she so wanted to go back , she preferred the heaven she had experienced to living in this world , even though she was a young mother with small children then . Now at 70 she still longs to go back ; she 's been waiting for decades , but decided she must have work to do here , that she has been in this life 's waiting room and not where she feels she really belongs for a reason . She told me not to be nervous , I had nothing to fear even if my CT results were not good . In the end I developed a profound belief in heaven . A surety that life doesn 't end here , that this life is only a short and temporary one in comparison to the eternity we will one day live in . Death isn 't an end , it is a transition . It 's a transition all of us will one day make . I personally , though I believe in heaven and a life after this one , still fear the unknown of that transition . But I now think it will be like many other transitions in my life that I was fearful of that turned out in the end to be enlightening and empowering . Transitions I 'm so glad I made . Interesting thing , the five year old in my church who died of brain cancer . . . . he 'd become physically but not mentally disabled . When he was in a wheelchair , he one day told his mom " Look over there , Tyler is back ! ! " . Tyler was a dog they had put to sleep six months earlier . He then had a very animated conversation with someone no one else could see , and he smiled during that conversation . Shortly after he lost consciousness ; he died a few days later . His transition . Many in hospice had similar experiences , many saw people they knew coming to take them home near the end . At church yesterday the sermon topic was " the waiting room " and how difficult it is for us to wait , and how often God doesn 't answer our prayers and requests as quickly as we would like . Or how sometimes he doesn 't seem to be answering them at all . How sometimes , as in Abraham and Sarah 's story , we lose patience and take things into our own hands in the absence of an answer . We struggle with our faith , as they did . Cancer can be the ultimate waiting room . We wait for a diagnosis and then to learn more about our diagnosis . We wait for test results . Then we are in the ultimate waiting room after treatment , waiting to find out if our cancer will return and if we will ultimately survive our cancer . We wait for years wondering if we are safe , if we have beaten cancer . I know some who have had recurrences at 5 , 6 , 8 and even 10 years out from their original diagnosis , so feeling " safe " even as time passes is difficult . We are in the cancer " waiting room " for a long time . It 's hard to be in the waiting room , it 's painful . The point was also made in the sermon , that in our society we want immediate answers . We are the fast food generation , we know what we want and expect it immediately . And God doesn 't seem to work that way . We know many who are not healed and who lose their battles in spite of overwhelming prayer support . The point was made in the sermon that maybe while we want the transaction ( I pray for healing and should get healing in return ) , maybe it is actually the transformation that occurs in others and in ourselves while we are waiting that is key . That there is a purpose to the waiting room . Even for those who lose their battles . I truly believe that those who lose their battles are finally healthy and free and without pain , and that they will be whole forever . They are forever out of the cancer waiting room . And I truly believe that though we cannot see it from our immediate perspective , there are positive effects from our struggle in those who surround us and survive us . Maybe it 's not about us , maybe there Posted by I turned 50 today . It 's a milestone . . . half a century old , 25 years past my favorite age , 25 . I loved being 25 as I was educated , had a good job , was independent and self - supporting , didn 't feel vulnerable , and still felt I had lots of time to change careers , dream new dreams , embark on new adventures , pursue new relationships . I knew who I was by then and had learned from my mistakes . I was physically healthy and felt there was nothing I couldn 't do . Turning fifty feels like there is less time to dream dreams and embark on new adventures , I have to choose more wisely now . I take less for granted . I am more spiritual . I appreciate more . I choose goals and relationships more carefully . I no longer feel I can have everything , so I choose more carefully what I want . I am more careful as to how I spend my time and who I spend my time with . I had a 30 crisis , but I don 't think I 'll have a 50 crisis . I am too grateful to have reached this milestone . In the cancer world I know many who dream of being able to reach the half century mark , who dream of being able to raise their kids to adulthood , to realize dreams . One 23 year old lost his battle with colon cancer recently . . . diagnosed at 21 he spent the last two years of his life ferociously battling the disease . He had so many dreams he will not realize . Another friend recently died of my same cancer . . . she was diagnosed when she was 36 and fought a very long and hard battle with signet ring appendiceal cancer for the last four years of her life . She didn 't live to see her children become adults , they are young teens . She didn 't get to be 50 ; she 'd just turned 40 when she lost her battle . She would have loved to have celebrated the 50 year landmark . So I feel only gratitude at turning 50 . I 've lived half a centuy ; I have a good marriage of 22 years , I have been unconditionally loved and supported by my husband for over two decades . I was able to have children and to raise them to adulthood . I was able to have a best friend and confidant for 30 years . I was able to do meaningfPosted by I have a friend who recently had a needle biopsy for a lung mass that might be cancer . She is waiting for pathology results . They told her she 'd have the results in 5 - 7 days . She called the office over a week later , no results yet . She spoke of a PA 's voice that went from chipper to kind of " depressed " on the phone when she 'd called the office and asked for her test results . What did that mean ? It made me think of how closely we watch facial expressions and listen for changes in tone of anyone involved in our tests . . . the person performing our tests , the nurses in our physician 's office , our physician as he or she enters the room . Though we are thinking a change in expression from happy to depressed is an indication of something bad about our test result , it could be a voice or facial expression changes because someone just remembered they 'd forgotten to pay a bill , take out the garbage or any number of things . But we don 't know . Maybe the PA on the phone with my friend had just realized he 'd lost his pen as he was trying to write down her information . Sometimes I 've even thought that the nurse in the office talking to me in a cheerful ( but distracted ) tone might just be doing that as a cover , they know my bad test results but don 't want to let on , they want the doctor to be the one to tell me . We are hyper - vigilant in all of our observations . We read into every posture , every facial expression , every vocal inflection . I 've felt before , in waiting for test results , that I could relate to criminal defendants before a judge awaiting sentencing . Will they be paroled ( good test result , but we 'll test you again later to see if you pass ) , hard time ( more surgery and chemotherapy ) or a death sentence ? It 's kind of the same for us . Awaiting our fate , our lives in the balance . I remember having so many thoughts going through my head when I 'd had a CT done and was waiting for results . Every time the phone rang I was afraid it was a doctor calling with bad news . They wouldn 't call with good news , or would they ? And if they didnPosted by I hear a lot about positive mental attitude and the fight against cancer . When I was diagnosed , I did have an attitude , but it wasn 't necessarily positive . I knew my prognosis was poor , and I didn 't know if I would survive . While I made plans for treatment in hopes of staying alive , I also contemplated dying and dealt with the realization I might lose my battle . The believer I was in statistics ( I 'd been educated in medical research ) , I realized I was up against tough , almost insurmountable odds . I often felt depressed , anxious , and afraid , though I didn 't share those feelings with those around me who felt I needed a positive mental attitude to survive . I acted positive around them to make them feel more comfortable . I did have an attitude , though . One of anger towards the beast cancer was in my life . One of determination to do anything I could to not let cancer control me and defeat me . I was poised to fight with all I had , to not go down without giving it everything I could . I was ( and am ) a control freak . I refused to let cancer control my life . I 'd faced other beasts in my life , and I 'd learned to fight for myself . Cancer was just a bigger beast . That attitude served me well . It made me read all of the available research about signet ring appendix cancer ( including the awful stats ) . It made me search for the best weapons to fight my disease in terms of specialists , surgeries and chemo . It made me bold enough to reject two respected physician 's treatment recommendations and to travel across the country for treatment instead . It made me bold enough to stay out of bed and walk halls incessantly beginning 24 hours after my surgery , though I couldn 't even stand up straight . I love to play piano , and I wouldn 't let cancer stop me from doing what I loved . . . . I played the piano in the hospital lounge days after my surgery with IVs in my arms . I was driving my car and doing normal things two weeks after my surgery , independently . I wouldn 't take narcotic pain medication that would slow me down ; I instead took anti - inflammPosted by I am deeply grateful to CR Magazine , a publication of the American Association for Cancer Research , for an article just released in their 2009 fall edition , Fairest of All , about Audrey Hepburn 's struggle with appendiceal cancer . Audrey Hepburn lost her battle with the disease in 1993 . The article honored Audrey Hepburn 's life , but also did so much to promote awareness of appendiceal cancer and the newer treatments available . I was honored to be interviewed for the article a few months ago ; a bit of my story is included . Appendiceal cancer is an orphan disease , many of us newly diagnosed learn for the first time that the disease even exists , that an appendix can become cancerous . Most physicians have seen few if any cases in their lifetime . Those of us who seek treatment from a specialist often have to travel great distances . Our disease is rare , so receives little media attention and few research dollars . Just this week I was asked if there is an appendix cancer awareness month . . . to my knowledge there is not . But there should be . The CR Magazine article is free , it is available on - line even without a subscription to the magazine . The article has also been posted on the American Association for Cancer Research 's home page " In the Spotlight " . I hope the article is widely read . Again , I am very grateful to CR Magazine for drawing attention to our battle and for promoting awareness about our disease . They did us a great service . One thing I 've learned in my life in the cancer community is how important it is to be your own advocate . I had an advantage at the time I was diagnosed in that I was already a medical professional . I had great doctors and surgeons locally , but being around physicians daily for years , I had never bought into the " doctor as God " mentality . I trusted and respected my doctors , and being in the medical profession also meant I knew who the good doctors and surgeons were so I was always cared for by the best . When I was diagnosed , my surgeon told me I had a rare cancer , and he wasn 't sure exactly what the treatment might require ; he would do some research and get back to me . In the end , I was told that in three days they recommended I have a hemicolectomy , as they knew I needed that . The plan was to not discharge me from the first surgery , but to proceed directly with the hemicoloctomy . I requested instead to be discharged without the hemicolectomy . If I was going to have a major surgery , I told them , I wanted only one major surgery , and I wanted to have the correct surgery the first time . I wanted to do some of my own research into the disease before I proceeded with further treatment . My surgeon understood and discharged me from the hospital . He respected my decision . I went home and spent hours and hours on the internet looking for medical research studies related to appendix cancer . It was hard . . . there was little information and the information I did find didn 't show very good survival statistics . Doing the research was very difficult emotionally ; I realized how serious my cancer was . I so wished I instead had breast cancer or another cancer with 80 - 90 % survival rates , a cancer that had extensively published research and standardized treatment protocols . Again , though , I was fortunate that being a medical professional of many years , I was able to read and interpret the medical research articles I did find . From my research , I felt my best prospects seemed to be a cytoreduction surgery and peritoneal chemotherapy . I alPosted by Over the years since my cancer was diagnosed and treated , I 've become aware of the new trend addressing survivorship issues . The recent issue of Cure magazine came with supplement included , Surviving Well . It documents many things those of us who have been diagnosed with cancer know … it 's a long road , and the time after treatment ends can be just as difficult as being diagnosed was initially . My heart goes out to those who finish treatment as I know that is the beginning one of the more difficult roads on the cancer journey ; and about that time , those around us with no cancer history expect us to be return to our old selves , to put cancer behind us and to resume our pre - cancer lives where we left off . But we can 't . This period of time has become known as the season of " Transitional Survivorship " . It is an emotional time of anxiety , fatigue , grief , insomnia and fear of recurrence . We are acutely aware of our own mortality , we feel a loss of the ability to control our lives and our futures , we have to readjust to the work environment , have a mountain of medical bills to pay , and relationships to those around us change . For many women who have had an appendix cancer surgery , we 've lost our ovaries , so this period of time is also an adjustment to surgical menopause and all of the emotions and physical changes surrounding that . It 's emotionally a very difficult time . It is said the longer our initial cancer treatment , the longer this transitional phase lasts . And for appendiceal cancer patients , the surgery is major , the recovery time long , and chemotherapy prolonged . In the Surviving Well publication , a woman interviewed struggled emotionally and finally joined a support group to help with emotional healing three years after she finished treatment . The American Cancer Society found that 30 % of survivor have long - term emotional effects even after 11 years of survival . I 've been in touch with about 700 appendiceal cancer patients , and for almost all , the emotional recovery in the aftermath of treatment has Posted by There 's a great article in the new issue of Cure magazine , " The Internal Flame " about the connection between chronic inflammation and cancer . I attended several scientific presentations about the inflammation - cancer connection at the AACR annual meeting this year . Long term inflammation from chronic infections , such as hepatitic C , are associated with the development of cancer . Some autoimmune diseases are also associated with an increase cancer risk . It has been discovered that cancer in essence hijacks our immune system processes to promote it 's own growth and metastasis . . . what our body means for our good , cancer uses to proliferate it 's own growth and destructive processes . I have an autoimumne disease also , rheumatoid arthritis . Kind of interesting , cancer in the end caused my RA to worsen , as I had my ovaries removed in my cytoreduction surgery . The early menopause initiated by the removal of my ovaries caused my RA to escalate , which in turn caused me to become dependent on more immune / inflammation suppressing drugs to control that disease . I also take a chemotherapy drug weekly , methotrexate , to control my RA . Interesting how the use of that drug came to treat autoimmune diseases . Woman who had RA and cancer and who were treated with methotrexate for cancer went into remission of their RA while they received it . They experimented with dosages until they found the lowest possible effective dosage of the chemotherapy for inducing remission in RA and other autoimmune diseases . They know it works , but not why . More chemotherapies are being tested for use in autoimmune disease . It is so interesting that drugs that suppress cancer also suppress inflammatory autoimmune disease while at the same time inflammation is being associated with cancer occurrence . I am also on several drugs to suppress my immune system and inflammatory responses , including low dose steroids . Interesting too , that a protein our body creates and that can destroy some types of cancer cells , TNF ( tumor necrosis factor ) , also plays a part in thPosted by My last post was about 9 / 11 and the terrorist attacks on our country . I visited Manhattan again for yet another appointment a few months after 9 / 11 . The depression in the city was palpable . I visited the place where the Twin Towers had been only months before . I saw the quilts , the pictures and the memorials . I talked to the desk clerk at the hotel where I 'd spent so much time and asked him what it had been like to be in the city on that day . The hotel was on the Upper East side of Manhattan . Manhattan is an island 6 miles by 11 miles . The clerk lived in lower Manhattan . His son attended a grade school in lower Manhattan near the Twin Towers . When he heard of the attack , all transportation in New York had been shut down ; no cabs , trains or buses . The clerk left his job and ran through barricades all the way to lower Manhattan to find out if his son was okay . It turned out his son 's class had witnessed the planes crashing into the buildings from the grade school window . He told me that even months later , his son could no longer sleep alone and climbed into bed with him every night . Life wasn 't the same , he lived in fear of another attack . Cancer is like that , a terrorist attack on our bodies , but there is nowhere to go to hide , the terrorist is within . Cancer attacks us when we least expect it . After a cancer diagnosis we live in a high level of alert all of the time . We go from high alert to red alert with every CT scan , every test . We don 't trust what is around the corner , our own bodies are suspect . Via my participation in the Scientist Survivor Program , I was very privileged to meet and speak with a renowned and personable cancer scientist , Dr . Geoff Wahl . He is passionate about our being " good ancestors " and leaving a legacy of a cancer - free world to those who survive us . He heads the Gene Expression Laboratory at the Salk Institute in California and is a past president of the American Association for Cancer Research . He is truly one of my heroes . He has devoted his life to ending cancer 's reign . Dr . Wahl wrotePosted by I just checked the date , and realized it was September 11 , a day we will always remember . The date may have more significance to me than to others . I had my cytoreduction surgery in New York City on May 16 , 2001 . I was scheduled for three month follow - up appointments on September 5 - 6 , 2001 . My oncologist in New York called me near the first of September and said she would be unavailable for my Sept . 5th appointment , could I please reschedule the visit for September 11th . At the time I told her I had already booked a flight , made childcare arrangements , and reserved a hotel room , so I would be unable to change my appointment . September 11th was also my scheduled chemo day , and I didn 't want to miss or reschedule a chemo treatment . She reluctantly agreed that this one time only she and I could instead have phone conference . I went to my appointments on September 5th . As we were staying overnight in New York we had some extra time between appointments . During previous visits we had used the extra time to explore New York City . On our first visit we had explored the Upper East Side . My second visit we explored mid - town ; saw Times Square , the New York City Ballet , and Carnagie Hall . The third visit in September we explored lower Manhatten . I took pictures of the Twin Towers from the Stattan Island ferry . I had the pictures developed on the 10th . The night of the 10th I showed my kids pictures of the Twin Towers on the New York City skyline . The very next day , the planes hit the towers and they ceased to exist . When I went for my chemo appointment on September 11th , all eyes in the office were glued to the TV sets and the news broadcasts of the terrorist attacks . On the news I saw people running down streets I had walked on just days before . I 'd sat on a lawn near the Twin Towers just days before eating a picnic lunch . I wondered how many of the people I 'd seen that day worked in the Twin Towers and had lost their lives . I thought of what it would have been like if I 'd changed my appointment to that day . Would we have Posted by I am currently spending a week alone at the ocean on Florida 's Panhandle . My husband and his dad have always reserved Labor Day week for father - son time , and with both of my kids away at college , I decided to spend the week at the ocean . All by myself ! I did this last year also , and it was awesome , so decided to take the opportunity again . For me it 's a great time to think , pray , write and to grow . I am reading a book my daughter gave me to enjoy during my week away , Anne Morrow Lindbergh 's " Gift From the Sea " . I love the book , I treasure Anne 's wisdom . She took two weeks every year to be alone by the sea , to regroup , to soul - search , to reinvent herself . She did that even as the mother of 5 children . Cool thing is , she wrote her best - selling " Gifts From the Sea " after many years of ocean sabbaticals , when she was the age I am now , 49 . She published several more books over the next two decades and lived to the age of 94 . . . for her , middle age was just that , only the middle of her life with many more years to be productive , to grow , to make a difference . Reading her book compelled me to read her biography . She was a great woman who was also , like her husband , an aviator . She won numerous awards and remained her own person with her own interests and goals in spite of her infant son being murdered , marital difficulties and raising 5 additional children . I was reading today her chapter from Gifts , " The Oyster Bed " in which she contemplates the " middle age " portion of life . She talks about the growth pains of early adolescence . . . . discontent , restlessness , doubt , despair and longing . But we accept those feelings as normal , knowing adolescence is a transition phase to growth , wisdom and to productive adulthood . Some of those same feelings accompany middle age as children leave and our bodies age and our lives change . Maybe , she says , the feelings that accompany middle age also herald growth and new beginnings . As she states " Is it possible that middle age can be looked upon as a period of second - flowering , second growth , evPosted by Sorry I have not posted in awhile . My life has been kind of busy lately , getting both of my kids off to college . I am officially an " empty - nester " now for the first time . I have been an " empty - nester " for 7 days . My kids have been calling often , so we are still in close touch , and my youngest plans to come home to visit often . I 'm so glad for that ( even though we ran over on cell phone minutes ! ) . I talked to a mom a few days ago who has one in college and another a senior in high school . When I mentioned to her I was an empty nester now as both of my kids are away , she got a look of dread in her eyes . She is terrified of her upcoming empty nester days . Another empty - nester mom wrote me yesterday . . . she is a few years out in the experience , and two of her kids now live out of the country , one in Japan and one in the Middle East . Once we let them out of the nest we don 't know how far away theirs lives will take them . I know lots of women experience a crisis when their kids leave the nest . I 'm not having a crisis ; but I guess my perspective is different . When I was told I had an untreatable cancer and not expected to survive , all I wanted in life was to be here long enough to raise my kids to independence , to see them off on their own independent life journeys . So for me , in a sense , it 's a celebration to have made it this far . When I was diagnosed , I did not want to abandon my kids when they needed me , I wanted to live long enough for them to " abandon " me , to fly off on their own wings as adults . I have realized that dream and am very , very grateful for that . While I love and miss my kids , I want them to be able to achieve dreams and to be independent and not to rely upon me solely , as they did when I was diagnosed . I want them to yes , care about me and love me and for us to always be close , but I don 't want their future to depend on my presence . . . as cancer made me understand how fragile my presence is . I want them to have dreams and goals and hopes that are theirs to motivate them , to have lots of people who supportPosted by I get frustrated sometimes at how the idea of living " one day at a time " is glamorized . Appreciating what each new day brings and enjoying the good things in your life every day is something many are better at after a cancer diagnosis , but that 's not the same as living " one day at a time " . Many of us after a cancer diagnosis do involuntarily live " one day at a time " , because we lose the ability to think of our life in future terms . We understand profoundly that we may not have a future . It 's a tough way to live . When I was diagnosed with a high grade Stage IV cancer , the survival statistics I found in medical literature indicated my odds of dying within 3 years were 9 out of 10 . I have always trusted statistics . I am medically educated and for the most part diseases in patients I 've cared for , with few exceptions , have followed documented statistical patterns for their illness . I 'd seen some odds defied over my decades of caring for the ill , but not often . So I trusted my own disease statistics . For the longest time after my diagnosis I was unable to plan for a future . I could not schedule appointments for 6 month dental cleanings . I could not say the words " next year " . I couldn 't commit to vacation plans . I had trouble making career commitments , so I did a lot of volunteer work . When I returned to work I chose PRN employment that required minimal commitment . I think we take for granted how often we assume a future . We take for granted all of the times we say without thinking " next summer " or " next Christmas " or " when my kids are older " or " when I retire " . When I could no longer take a future for granted , I learned that much of what makes our lives worth living is anticipating a future , reaching for goals , realizing dreams , making plans . I have now survived cancer - free for eight years . I can say now " next year " , though I will never think about or make plans for a retirement . . . I can 't think that far into the future still . I know from my own experience how quickly the bottom can fall out of our lives . I know with cerPosted by I have a kind of interesting story . I had joined our local YMCA gym awhile ago to work out , get fit , and lose weight . I was working out several days a week , and I guess got kind of bored with the gym routine so decided to check out some of their exercise classes . They offered a Tai Chi class , and I decided to enroll . An appendix cancer patient I was in contact with was getting a Master 's degree in Chinese medicine , and I 'd heard Tai Chi was a kind of " moving meditation " , so I was intrigued . It turned out the YMCA class was canceled , so I checked in my community to see if anyone else offered Tai Chi classes . I found one and joined . It turned out , to my surprise , that the class wasn 't about the " mind body moving meditation " form of Tai Chi , but Tai Chi as a martial art focusing on self defense . As a teen and young adult decades ago , I 'd been physically abused , so know what it 's like to feel physically vulnerable . I also backpack with another woman , and we 'd been told before by rangers to be careful as women had been attacked in wilderness areas where we wanted to backpack . I 'd toyed with the idea of taking a self - defense class before , so decided to stick with the Tai Chi martial art class . In my Tai Chi class we learn how to disarm and disable anyone who might attack us . Tai Chi is actually a deadly martial art . We also learn pressure points . . . amazing , I 've had a martial arts master use pressure points on my arm that made me unable to use my legs . Tai Chi as a martial art relies heavily on the use of pressure points . Tai Chi is hard for me as it requires me to be very focused on detail in movement , to move slowly , to learn complicated postures and form . . . . being strong and fit and large means nothing in this martial art , technique is everything . It requires discipline , confidence , patience and concentration . . . all good attributes . But to me it is so empowering . It gives me tools to defend myself ; it gives me confidence , it makes me less afraid to do things I might want to try solo as a female . Fear is so limiting . I doPosted by I truly love CR magazine . It 's a relatively new publication of the American Association for Cancer Research . Since I 've been involved in the Scientist - Survivor Program , I 've been able to meet the staff of the magazine . . . unbelievable to me how such a small staff is able to turn out such a quality publication . Their most recent issue has an article about donating our tumor specimens for scientific research . Until the last conference I attended at the AACR 's annual meeting , I 'd never really thought about donating tumor specimens . Anna Barker , the Deputy Director of the NCI talked to the survivors and advocates at the latest conference about the need for patients to know what happens to their tumors when they are removed , how they are preserved if saved , who has access to them , where they are stored . As a nurse , most surgical consents I have patients sign have a general clause releasing rights to all tissues removed from the patient 's body . I 'm guessing my own surgical consent said something to the same effect . I think I 'm like most cancer patients ; we want our tumors removed , and assume they are disposed of . . . good riddance . We want our tumors gone and destroyed . After becoming familiar with cancer genomics with and the Cancer Genome Atlas project via my involvement in the Scientist - Survivor Program , though , I now would care now what happened to my excised tumor , how it was preserved . In the best of worlds , all of our removed tumors would be preserved in their most usable form and be accessible to all doing cancer research . Maybe scientific and pharmaceutical access to our tumor specimens would advance the science of cancer research and help to one day find a cure for our cancers . For a great article on the subject , read " What Happens to a Donated Tumor ? " in the current issue of CR Magazine . Very thought - provoking . Something we really need to think about as cancer patients and survivors . We need to make our struggle count , we need to help someone else not have to face what we have faced . I was recently asked to participate in another blog book tour . I love to read and love to write , so was happy to accept the invitation . The book was " When Someone You Love Has Cancer : Comfort and Encouragement for Caregivers and Loved Ones " written by Cecil Murphey , who co - authored with Don Piper another book I 'd enjoyed , " 90 Minutes in Heaven " . Cecil Murphy has written over 100 books , many as a " ghost writer " . He is a former pastor and volunteer hospital chaplain . He is also the husband of a woman diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer , so is very qualified to address this issue . Before I received the book , I was worried about being able to read it in time write my review . I was pleasantly surprised when I received the book ; it was only 67 pages long . What impressed me most about the book was the profound wisdom contained in those few pages . I appreciated that the book was short and an easy read , especially considering its intended audience , those traveling the cancer journey with someone they love . From my own experience , I was so overwhelmed after my own diagnosis that I had trouble concentrating for a long time . I craved simplicity . Reading hundreds of pages wasn 't something I could easily do at the time . Those close to a person with a cancer diagnosis I 'm sure are in a similar frame of mind . The book was filled with wisdom to guide those supporting someone with a cancer diagnosis . He identified his own sense of shock and helplessness when someone he loved was diagnosed . We all , patients and caregivers alike , hear nothing after the words " its cancer " at the initial doctor 's appointment . He talks about the numbness , shock and grief of having someone you love diagnosed with cancer . Caregivers share many of the same emotions those diagnosed feel . The book brought up many good points that I appreciated . He recommends being an active listener , being available to a cancer patient even when they don 't want to speak or share , supporting in silence . He advocates acknowledging the negative thoughts and feelings , the angPosted by Sometimes being in the cancer world is tough , sometimes joy gets hard to find . I was at a point a few weeks ago where I was kind of down . The cancer community is a tough place to be , there 's a lot of sadness and grief there . I also work in a hospital intensive care unit . Sometimes I get overwhelmed with the sadness and struggle that surrounds me . I am also getting ready to send my youngest off to college . . . both of my kids will live away from home next year . We are close and I will miss them a lot . And there 's a lot that goes on with kids who are on the cusp of independence . They still love and need you , but look forward to life on their own , to living separate and independent lives . You want them to be independent adults , but still feel a loss . So , I was needing to find some joy . I wanted to feel really good and lighthearted for a bit . One of the things that brings me great joy is playing piano . I 'd wanted to learn to play since I was 5 years old . I finally started to take lessons at age 29 and actually learned to improvise popular piano music and began to play professionally a few years later . I used to play a lot , but sometimes life gets in the way , and I hadn 't played for a long time . So , I played for a little bit at home . Then I decided to do an impromptu visit to the soup kitchen I used to run and to play for the guests there , rusty as I was . I just left my house and showed to the soup kitchen unannounced . I played while the guests were eating lunch , like I did a few years ago . The only thing better than playing for myself is playing for others , knowing the music brings back happy memories for them , seeing them smile . I connect with others via music in a way I can 't with words sometimes . It turned out it was the best thing I could have done . I got to see all of the people who work at the soup kitchen who are like family to me , for a few years we worked together every week ; shared our troubles while we worked , teased each other , celebrated each others birthdays , successes and set - backs . We even made time to getPosted by I had an interesting night at work last night . I took care of a Lithuanian patient who had had a stroke affecting her ability to speak . Though she had immigrated to this country decades ago and spoke fluent English , the speech centers of her brain were affected . She could only speak her native language . I had a CNA working with me ; she was also from Lithuania and served as a translator for me . I know nothing about Lithuania , so talked for awhile about that country and its culture with my CNA , who immigrated here at age 46 . Turns out that in Lithuania she 'd been an economist , with a Master 's Degree in economy . I am very interested in other cultures , so talked with her for awhile . In her younger years , Lithuania had been under communist control ; leaving the country had been illegal , and attending church had been forbidden . But under communist socialist control , she said their needs had been met , that her education had been free , she had made a good living as a single parent and she paid no taxes . She 'd also lived in Lithuania after independence had been achieved . She said there were good and bad things about living under both regimes . In some ways her life was harder after independence was achieved and the communist government overthrown . I asked her what about American culture had been most difficult for her to get used to , and I was surprised by her answer . She said Americans were always smiling . That they felt they had to put on a happy face even when they were depressed , even when they were experiencing times of despair , even when they were in pain . She said an American would smile at you and act friendly even when they didn 't like you . She almost felt like we were emotionally dishonest . She said that in her country people were more honest and open about what they were feeling , so it was much easier to be supportive of other people as you knew what they were feeling and what they needed . They felt no need to conceal negative emotions . I think after listening to her , that she was right . In America , we always feel Posted by We just came back from our family vacation . . . it 's been a tradition , my husband and I have gone for a week away together with the kids every year since they were about 2 and 3 . I love the time the four of us get to spend together without all of the distractions of work and activities , just the four of us spending time together . Time away from computers and cell phones and TVs . We 've done lots of things , rented cabins for a week in the Smokies and the Dells , camped , gone sight - seeing and to water parks , to Disney . But this year , since my kids are out of high school and I don 't know how many more family vacations we will get , we did something more exotic . We spent a few days in Florida followed by a 5 day Caribbean cruise . We booked the cruise when swine flu was in the news . . . between that and the struggling economy , we got very good prices . I loved the four of us eating dinner together every night . For most of the years my kids were growing up , we all ate dinner together as a family . That was really important to me . In high school things changed as they were involved in so may activities . Nowadays , we all work and work different shifts , so eating dinner together is a rarity . We had a nice table for four for dinner every night we were on vacation , with great food we didn 't have to cook and no dishes to wash ! Lobster tails on our plates in this pic , can 't beat that ! We spent a day in Cozumel , Mexico where we went snorkeling and shopping in the Mexican markets , ate at a Mexican restaurant . We also spent a day in Key West , where the highlight for me was a butterfly conservatory . . . I love butterflies , to me they are symbols of eternal life . There were hundreds of different kinds of beautiful butterflies there in a huge garden setting . We spent another day in the Central American country of Belize . What I loved most about Belize was being in a jungle / rain forest ( tigers , monkeys and jaguars are native wildlife there ! ) . I loved seeing iguanas running around like we see squirrels here at home . I also loved learning a bit about tPosted by
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It 's time to wrap up the year that was 2013 and ring in 2014 . What better way than to do another in a long line of ad nauseum Top 10 lists . Hooray for Top 10 lists ! ! But what 's better than a Top 10 list ? How about a Top 8 list ! ! Plus , as a double whammy , it 's going to showcase more stuff in my collection and many people out there will consider it to be bragging . Hooray for bragging ! ! I was looking over some of my card scans and things I had posted to Twitter over the last year and decided to put everything together in one nice little package . In order to qualify for the list , all the cards had to be obtained by pulling them from packs . No single purchases , no trades , no " freebies " . Everything came directly from a pack or was redeemed from a card pulled from a pack and obtained in 2013 . Back in March , I opened a box of 2011 - 12 Panini Rookie Anthology . This little Rookie Treasures beauty was peering at me from inside . It features two swatch pieces with one being dual - colored . It has a sticker auto but isn 't horribly affixed like some of these I 've seen . The card has cooled way off on the secondary market since I released it from it 's cellophane tomb . That 's most likely because of RNH 's play at the end of last year and his season ending shoulder injury . He has come out pretty strong this year despite the misery of playing in Edmonton . He has 29 points this season but his - 10 + / - rating makes that a little rough . Then again , not many guys on Edmonton can consistently play in the positives because of their horrific defense and goaltending . Maybe his pairing with Taylor Hall and David Perron will help him get back into the spotlight . I was offered a nice Benjamin Franklin for this card not long after I pulled it but decided to hang onto it . 7 . This baby was pulled but has yet to arrive . I haven 't seen anyone with an actual redeemed card yet either so I imagine this might be something that doesn 't show until after the season ( if at all ) . I would have rated it higher but since I don 't have any idea what it is going to look like , it remains at number # 9 on my list . I pulled this from a box of 2012 - 13 Upper Deck Trilogy that I opened earlier when the season started . Yakupov was supposed to be another in a long line of offensive weapons for the Oilers but has so far been a bit of a disappointment for Edmonton . So much so that trade talk has been rampant and Nail has gone on record as saying that although he wants to play for Edmonton , he would be glad to go if they aren 't happy with him . He has only 14 points this season and averages just over 14 minutes of ice time per game and much like RNH , he is atrocious in the + / - department . In addition to this one , I also pulled a redemption for a Tarasenko Level 1 auto as well . I have not received that card either . 6 . This card came from a box of 2013 - 14 Artifacts . I usually open a few boxes of these each year but I don 't recall pulling anything as short printed as this card ( except a few one / one 's a couple times ) . It is numbered # / 6 if you can see that in red foil there on the left next to Patrice Bergeron . The other awesomeness involved here is the fact that all the guys are featured in their Team Canada uniforms . They kept that consistent with the graphics and that makes for a much nicer design . But by far my favorite is that they aren 't just plain white swatch jersey pieces . These are all fight strap pieces . Excellent . The player selection could be better but I 'm not complaining one bit . My Christmas presents were very , very good to me this year . I opened a box of 2013 - 14 Panini Select Hobby that was sitting nicely wrapped under my tree . Despite my last couple boxes of this product that I was less than thrilled with , the third time was definitely the charm . Nathan MacKinnon has come out in Colorado and made a name for himself , helping to put the Avs back into the NHL post - season conversations . He has 21 points thus far this season and is a contender for the Calder . This guy has been floating around the $ 100 mark much like the RNH card at # 10 . I think as more of these hit , the price will surely start to dip but barring any injuries , I think MacKinnon is the real deal and will be a force in the hobby for years to come . 4 . out of a box of 2012 - 13 Fleer Retro Hockey . It 's a 1999 Retro Autographics auto card of Steven Stamkos . Fleer Retro was an awesome set packed with value in the subsets , short prints , and autographs . The boxes were a bit pricey when they first hit the streets but they eventually cooled off . If you can get a box of them for under $ 100 , do it ! You won 't regret it . This isn 't the first Stamkos auto I have ever pulled . It 's the second . But it 's the best looking one . This is the first full - sized card with his auto . If it wasn 't for the sticker , it would have been perfect . But I won 't complain too much about getting an auto of this perennial Hart Trophy and Richard Trophy candidate . wanted to put this card much higher on my list because . . . well , just look at it . I used to have a Dan Marino autographed 8x10 black & white photo from when I was a kid . It featured him dropping back to pass , much like this pose , and was taking while he still played for Pitt . In fact , that 's when I received the auto because a family friend knew his parents real well and somehow I was the beneficiary of that . Fast forward 10 years or so and that auto went missing , never to be heard from again . It took me almost 30 years to replace it but I think this one will suffice . I pulled this from a box of 2012 Fleer Retro . It was a redemption card that came in a couple months ago . 2 . Not one . Not two . But three hockey HOFers on this card . Back at the same show I pulled the RNH card , I picked up a box of 2012 - 13 Panini Classics Signatures for a heck of a steal at the time . These boxes yield you an autograph in each pack , or six per box . The best part , they are all veteran guys that have since retired , many of which taking their place in the HOF . This came out of the box as a redemption card and I hesitated for almost four months before finally scratching away that silver foil . Seeing this card now , I 'm so glad I did . This card looks amazing in person . The autos are all fairly legible because guys of yesteryear actually take their time and pride in their signatures . This is another card that generally floats around the $ 100 mark but I 'm not sure this one will ever be pried from my hands . 1 . And last but not least , the number one card . I have opened my share of 2011 - 12 Upper Deck Parkhurst Champions . In fact , I 'm thinking it is somewhere around 5 - 6 boxes . Well , the Black Friday sale at D & A Cardworld was too good to resist and I added this one to my cart just to help pad for shipping . Boy was I shocked when this came sliding out of one of the last packs in the box . Not only is this an on - card auto of Ray Bourque but it 's one of the low production tiered autos from the set . Almost all of the subject matter for the set has an auto but many are available much easier than others . The Bourque is part of Group A which falls about 1 : 696 packs . In my perusing online , I have yet to find one of these on the secondary market . In fact , with the exception of a couple mini - group A 's , I have seen nothing but group B - F autos available out there . So considering this is pretty rare , I will most likely hang on to it for awhile . I hope you have enjoyed this little trip down memory lane . I certainly have since I can look back on these as not only the best pulls of 2013 , but some of my best pulls ever . Thanks for reading and HAPPY NEW YEAR ! ! This Post Brought To You By The Penguins got their fifth win in a row and their 25th win of the season in a dramatic shoot - out victory over the New York Rangers last night at Madison Square Garden . In a game that was chippy from the start , the Pens squandered a 3 - 1 lead in the third period due to some Blueshirt heroics and their ability to get behind the Penguins ' defensemen . But , DFG ? ? ? I thought the mighty Penguins had one of the best defensive lines in the NHL ? ? Yes . That is true . WHEN THEY ALL SUIT UP ! ! Last night 's game featured a depleted group of D - men led by veteran Matt Niskanen . But Matty isn 't the top blue - liner for the Pens ? ? Again , you are correct . The Penguins top four defensemen are on the shelf with injuries and other issues . Of the four main Pens line pairings , only Crosby 's top line is intact . Niskanen has been playing alongside 19 year old sensation Olli Maatta , while the other d - men are on the mend . So how many regulars were out of the lineup , you ask ? Try 12 ! ! 12 players are out of the lineup . Ten players have injuries and the other two are serving suspensions . But these are 12 guys that see some significant amounts of ice - time each night . This includes the Penguins top 4 defensemen Kris Letang with an upper body injury , Brooks Orpik with the concussion at the hands of the evil Shawn Thornton , Paul Martin and his broken leg , and Rob Scuderi with a broken ankle . From an offensive point of view , the Pens are without NHL assist leader Evgeni Malkin , Jayson Megna , Andrew Ebbett , Tanner Glass , Beau Bennett , and their two suspended players Deryk Engelland and James Neal . Plus , back - up ( starter , what 's the difference ) goaltender Tomas Vokoun has been out all season with a blood clot issue . That is a ton of talent on the shelf but somehow , the Pens keep winning . I don 't want to jinx it but I can 't help but watch in amazement as a bunch of AHL call - ups rise to the occasion of a chance on NHL ice . They all are not playing up to a caliber that would get them a permanent roster sport or propel the Pens deep into the playoffs but their ability to solidly put up ice - time out there and hang with the opposing teams has been nothing short of spectacular in my opinion so far . Tonight , it 's Minnesota and the return of Matt Cooke to Consol . It will be interesting to see what happens there but I expect more of what we saw last night . These fresh faces like returning Chris Connor , Carolina 's Staal trade victim Brian Dumoulin , Brian Gibbons , Ulf 's son Philip Samuelsson ( yes , he wears 55 and dad got to watch from the bench . . . the Rangers bench ) , and Zach Sill who has logged a little over 1 1 / 2 games of ice time this season , will have to play their very best until we start to see some signs of life on the IR . Let 's Go Pens . Well I think I only made it to week 9 , maybe 10 of my Sunday Steeler 6 - pack this year . I have tried this in some form or another since 2009 but to no avail . Eventually it becomes like work so I give up . As the years go by , the Steelers get older , can 't compete solidly , and drift off into obscurity for the season . What begins as a solid looking powerhouse of a team in pre - season , ends up being out worked , out played , and out shined ( see Week 1 - Week 14 ) They are featured less and less on TV going forward too . If the Bears and Colts are not playing , there might be a rare chance that CBS will carry the game as their National broadcast but that 's it . Sometimes they get a MNF , TNF , or SNF game but . . . they don 't seem to perform in prime - time anymore and this Sunday 's match - up against Cincinnati is fixin ' to be a bloodbath . So I instead resort to one of the greatest inventions in sports entertainment . . . The NFL Red Zone Channel . This is the fourth year I have watched Red Zone and I love it even more now than the first day I turned it on . For those of you that don 't have it or many not know what it is , let me quickly break it down . It 's every game from the time the ball crosses the offensive " red zone " until points are put on the board . Not highlights . . . live game action or mere seconds after . Imagine if you had Sunday Ticket but didn 't want to flip channels on your remote . The channel flips for you . As Scott Hanson announces each and every week as they go live , " It 's Seven Hours Of Commercial Free Football " . Thursday night , Sunday night , and Monday night games in their entirety along with basically every other game on Sunday makes for a lot of football watching . And this year especially , I have noticed many more things that have begun to annoy me to no end . I present to you my basically the end of the 2013 NFL season GRIPE LIST . 1 . Up until last week ( because of the weather ) , kick returns for touchdowns or what I like to call , The Most Electrifying , Death Defying , Game Changing Play In the Game , have virtually went away . I am a defensive guy but for some reason , these plays get my heart racing . While there are a few guys capable of taking the risk running the ball out of the back of the endzone , most players simply take their proverbial knee or simply let the ball go out the back of the endzone . Please , NFL Rule Czars , I beg you . Move the kickoffs back where they were . I know you are trying to prevent injuries but come on ! You have single handedly rendered about 150 special teams guys around the NFL useless . Congratulations . 2 . I am sick and tired of player begging the referees for penalty flags . SICK ! ! I hate it . As Ditka says , " Stop it ! " Just stop it . Drew Brees ! You are going to get hit . You are a quarterback . It 's not always roughing the passer . And Wide Receivers ! Just because you drop a pass or it was thrown 30 feet over your head doesn 't mean you were interfered with . I think begging for flags should be FLAGGED ! It 's unsportsmanlike conduct . 3 . Speaking of unsportsmanlike conduct , I 'm all for being happy about a big play , a big sack at a crucial time , a fourth and goal - line stand , or a huge touchdown catch . But celebrating a routine tackle ? It 's first down and you dropped a running back after a four yard gain ? Great ! SO WHAT ! It 's your job to make these tackles . You get paid for it . Stop pretending like you won the game . Doubly for the four yard route runners that spin the ball on the ground after they just set up a fourth and three . Triply for you too , guys that score touchdowns late in the game while still trailing by 20 points , slam dunking the goal post and doing the Harlem Shake in the end zone ( people still do that , right ? ) . You are losing . Act like it . 4 . Pass interference is not the same as incidental contact . Pass Interference is not the same as bumping into a player running along the same trajectory as you are . Pass Interference is not the same as a receiver quitting on a route because he is beat by a faster , more agile defensive player . Pass interference is not running the wrong route on a pass play . Pass Interference IS the most overly and incorrectly called penalty in the league and it needs to stop . I get the grabbing and turning guys or not even trying for the ball thing . But I have seen way too many ticky - tac calls this year and is just plain ridiculous . 5 . Jerry Jones . Just . . . please go away . Your team is failing because of one person and he doesn 't play on the field . You may have a god complex but even I am not stupid enough to think that one person can be owner , president , and GM and still be able to have a successful team . I hate the Cowboys with a passion but even I am starting to feel sorry for them . 7 . Stop with the " feel good story of the year " before each and every game broadcast . Save all that stuff for the weekly talking head shows and the sports reporter babble that goes on when normal people are at work . If the goal is trying to get more female fans , I don 't think it 's working because even my football noob girlfriend ( who still can 't figure out the difference between offsides and encroachment . . . Shhhh ! ) thinks this stuff , while sometimes heart - warming and genuine , is a bunch of crappola designed to sucker people into watching boring games . Touche . But really , I know there are good guys like Russell Wilson who want to show off duct tape wallets made by sick kids , but there are also too many attention whores in the NFL too that get equal time devoted to their dumb asses . Stick to talking about football and the game itself . Leave the locker room hazing stories , the personal troubles with the law , the domestic disputes with wives , and the off - field antics out of the pre - game shows . 8 . Just because you played the game of football doesn 't make you an authority to speak on all aspects of the game . You were a player and played a certain position for a reason . If you are a defensive back , don 't pretend to know what it 's like as a quarterback . If you were a quarterback , don 't think for one minute that I believe you know how a tight end prepares for a game . 9 . To piggy - back on 8 . . . just because you were a player , doesn 't make you a good announcer , analyst , talking head , broadcaster , sports reporter , [ insert job description here ] . Honestly ? ? Most of you are pathetic and we only keep you around because you say dumb things that entertain me . Sometimes when I 'm left to my own thoughts , it can be a scary thing . I have little usable creative talent and even less computer graphic skills so I will concede this one to the likes of others out there that make custom card designs all the time . Has there ever been a " retro - themed " set of Hockey Firsts ? I don 't know of one , or a subset , or an insert set . But if there has , someone tell me . Here 's the idea . . . Everyone knows that the first goalie to wear a mask regularly was Jacques Plante . Give him a card for being an innovator ( or just plain scared ) . But the second guy . . . Jerry Toppazzini . Give that guy a card in this set for being a lemming . The first guy to sign a contract , and actually collect on it [ Derek Sanderson signed one but never collected it ] , worth $ 1 million in pro - hockey was Bobby Hull . Give him a card for getting PAID ! ( I wonder what that would be worth in 1972 dollars today ) . Here 's an easy one . The first 50 - goal scorer - - Maurice Richard . They name the stinkin ' trophy after him now . Give him a card . These are just a few examples of cards that could be in there . I have a ton of other player ideas also . You could get some big name guys mixed with a bunch of lesser names , or players you wish had cards but never did . There could be insert cards , autos , and whatever other pieces of whatever you wanted in them too . But for now , I 'm thinking just the base cards and maybe a subset or two . I attended the Chicago Sun - Times Sports Collectors Show in Rosemont , IL over the weekend . It is a three day show filled with dealers from all over the US and Canada , featuring autograph guests , card auction houses , authenticators , and more . I wish I would have taken some photos but my phone battery isn 't what it used to be and after about 10 minutes of walking around , I kind of forgot about doing it . I have been going to these shows each year ( twice a year in March and November ) for the past 5 - 6 years and can generally anticipate what I am going to see there . Most of the shows take place in the smaller convention hall at the Convention Center , leaving the larger hall for shows like the NSCC or whatever comic book convention is currently taking place . Somehow though , they always find ways to cram a lot of things to see in that space . But for some reason , this years fall show seemed a bit off . The first thing I noticed as I traversed the convention floor was how well we were able to maneuver up and down the aisles . It seemed the interior aisles had been widened to accommodate more traffic , or at least that 's the way it appeared . With enough mapped out space to fit over 300 dealers , I was amazed at how much underutilized space there was on the main floor area . Usually the dealer tables line each aisle from end to end . This weekend ( or at least on Saturday ) I counted at least 17 empty dealer spaces . I 'm not sure what to pin this one on . Could be a number of things like cost , timing , or even the pending weather in the Eastern part of the US . Regardless , there was much less to see as we made our rounds . The autograph lineup was still top - notch as Mounted Memories had guests signing throughout the three day event . You can check out their lineup here if you want to see what you missed out on . But something I noticed on Saturday was the sheer turnout in the autograph pavilion . While most shows of this kind draw thousands of people to the auto lines , this one seemed a bit flat . I 'm not sure if the guest list on Saturday wasn 't up to snuff for the auto seekers out there in the Chicagoland area but the lines for people like Brian Urlacher , Len Dawson , and Gordie Howe were smaller than I ever expected . Maybe it was the price tag on having items signed , I don 't know . Also , I noticed that after 3PM , announcements for guests stopped completely . At about 3 : 30 , the auto pavilion was a ghost town . That was also weird for a show that ended at 5PM . Not even the " meanderers " , as I call them , were left hanging around . I didn 't partake in any auto hounding , as is customary for my show attendance . While I 'd love to get things signed by all the guests , I tend to get nervous with the price tags the show promoters put on some of these players . My third beef with the show , and this is probably not the shows fault by any means , was the lack of new hockey product available from many of the box dealers , and for that matter , the num1 . If you are selling cards at a show / online / store etc . , price your merchandise . It helps you as a seller and prevents you from having to look everything up or haggle with people . If there is one thing collector 's don 't like , it 's having to stand and wait for a dealer to look up a price in Beckett . It 's unprofessional . Who is running your business ? You ? Or the price guide ? It 's called a guide for a reason . . . not a law . 2 . Know what you have . If you know nothing about the product you are selling , why bother ? Don 't ask me what it is or what I think it is worth . There were too many guys with hockey offerings at this show that had no idea what they were selling . They didn 't know who the players were ( unless they were Hawks ) , they didn 't know anything about the sets they came from , they didn 't care to know either . Just because a card has an autograph or a piece of memorabilia doesn 't make it immediately a minimum $ 15 card . At least make an effort . 3 . Pay attention to your customers . I know of the 500 people you see in a day at a show , only 20 - 30 might make a purchase . But every one of those other 470 people is a potential customer . When you are chowing down on a gyro with cucumber sauce running down your face or buried in your iPhone or laptop computer and can 't look up for fear that you will miss a Facebook alert , you have no business being there . People want engagement , they want interaction ( except the 400lb greasy , sweaty guys at the $ . 25 vintage baseball table ) , they want to know that you are interested in whether or not they make a purchase . I walked away from two tables that I planned on spending at least $ 10 at but couldn 't get either dealer 's attention to ask a question . 4 . Have fun . Too many frowns . Too many scowls . Too many folded arms with pouty looks on their faces . That prevailed all day long . It seemed the only people having fun at this show were my kids , the people at the PSA booth , and that guy that yells at people for touching his cards . Card collecting is supposed to be fun . You aren 't going to make a ton of money in this business and you definitely won 't if people think you are angry and bitter about it . You got into this business because you love the hobby and love sports . Try to show a little bit of that passion you once had . 5 . Act professional . Immaturity , rudeness , and a generally condescending attitude don 't help anyone . You are running a business , we are patronizing your business . If you had a storefront and we came in , I highly doubt you would ignore us , scoff at our inquiries , or act as though we are inconveniencing you buy spending money on your products . I deal with business people all day with attitudes and grudges against humanity . I certainly don 't want to spend my free time involved with my hobby dealing with the same types of people . As a side note , I 'm all for using " hype - men " or models to promote a product . I understand why it 's done and generally , I think most people get it . But having half - clothed models standing nexBut it wasn 't all bad . In fact , despite my criticisms ( of which there are always many ) I had a great time with the kids , got to see a couple friends in the hobby , traded some cards , and picked up a few needs along the way . I always enjoy these events because it gives me an opportunity to meet with other collector 's and exchange cards , stories , and sometimes ideas . I will be posting some of the stuff I got at the show a little later . There were some interesting things I was able to find . Things are finally back to normal in my world of madness . Sort of . With the power back , it was nice to be able to finally watch something on TV Wednesday night . Of course , I took to NBC Sports and their coverage of Rivalry Wednesday . It was the Pens vs . the Capitals in Washington . The Pens rolled to a 4 - 0 shutout of the Caps , increasing their win streak to 2 games and looking like they were going to get back on track . It was fun to watch too as I finally saw some life in Evgeni Malkin . He didn 't score but he was out there grinding and making plays , unlike some of his earlier games this year . He will get back on track ( hopefully soon ) . It was also nice to see James Neal back in the lineup . He came back last week but this was the first game I saw with him suited up . He tallied on the 4th goal of the game . Even the announcers didn 't get on my nerves , which is rare . I couldn 't figure out the viewing hits on my Stormaggedon posts earlier in the week . I was posting them from my phone onto the Blogger system . But normally I do a check to see how they appear . This time I wasn 't because it was too difficult with multiple browsers on my phone . I now realize that they weren 't posting until 12 hours or more after I sent them to publish . I don 't know if this is a glitch in the system or what but it is kind of annoying . What if I had something important to say ? Should the fact that I 'm mobile penalize my thought process ? My readers want my thoughts now ! ! There is a big card show this weekend in Rosemont , IL . It 's the 46th annual ( which I don 't get because it happens twice a year ) Chicago Sun - Times Sports Collectibles Convention . It 's a Mounted Memories sponsored show so the autographed guest list is something comparable to a National - type show . Feel free to click the link if you want to take a look . It 's sort of impressive but if you were to get the cheapest things signed by every person autographing , it would cost you $ 4 , 033 . I still haven 't decided if I am going to make my way out there yet . I always say that , and I always end up going . But it wouldn 't be me if I didn 't at least put on the illusion for a couple minutes . I 'm taking the kids , too ( assuming I go ) . Maybe I 'll post pictures on my Twitter account ( which you should follow . . . that 's what Twitterer ' ses are supposed to say , right ? ) I have been working on , getting ready to , try and , ( you like all those non - excuse excuses ? ) ramp up my internet sales a bit . I realize I have way too much stuff and really need to get rid of some . Trim the fat , so to speak . I know there are a lot of collector 's out there that would want to trade and I am glad to do so . I take requests . If I have ever posted something that you like , let me know and I will see if it still exists . Even if you don 't remember anything but still want to trade , tell me what you collect and I 'll find something . But I know I can 't give everything I have away in exchange for a bunch of Pittsburgh team common cards and cards I already have 15 of . That 's fine if I 'm dumping the same things in return but there are only so many Stan Belinda and Chris Fuamatu - Ma ' afala cards one person can find room for . If anyone is interested in anything I have up now , check out my storefront thingy over on Collector 's Revolution . I have been having much better success on there than eBay and with less fees . I just sold another card today in fact . Do trade fodder posts , as in " Here are X # of cards I have with pictures . Who wants to trade ? " , actually work ? If so , share your experiences in this in the comments below . I want to know who does these and does them successfully . I am thinking of throwing up some good trade fodder but don 't really know what will get people to bite or not . I know I 'm not the best trader in the world because I have been known to take an eon to send but I 'm trying to improve . When you do them , how do you decide on trading ? Do you trade by the dreaded book value ? Do you trade by number of cards ? Do you swap auto for auto , GU for GU ? I think the blogging community could tap into the proverbial " trade night " that some B & M stores still do . Thoughts ? Speaking of B & M ( brick and morter ) stores , I am going to be doing some research on B & M hobby shop marketing . I may reach out to some of you in the hobby world for opinions and such . Anyone who would like to offer their 2 cents on the traditional hobby shop in today 's digital market , feel free to comment or email me . I will be doing a post about it in a couple weeks with more information . I know many of you still have LCS 's that you frequent and some of you even have some that you drive great distances to visit . This is all good stuff I may be interested in picking your brains on . Are there any hockey " personalities " that really get on your nerves ? I believe there are . By personalities , I am referring to players , coaches , announcers , executives , officials , anyone that has some type of higher than team janitor or production crew assistant profile . I thought about this the other day while watching NBCs coverage of the game on Wednesday . My list started to get very large and cumbersome after a while of thinking . I am going to share with everyone my list of Top 10 Hockey Personalities That Annoy Me in a future post . As hockey fans and pseudo - writer / blogger / members of the " press " , I feel it is our duty . There have been a lot of interesting hockey products released so far for the 2013 - 14 season . I know most of the hype has been around the Double Rookie Class . Even some manufacturers have built that into their marketing materials and advertising . Great . But what good is a double crop of rookies when 2 / 3 of them may be AWOL in a few months ? I get the excitement and intrigue , but from a collector 's standpoint , unless you are a " prospector " by nature , you may be in for a Double Disappointment . I plan on doing a review of products so far this year and exploring more into the Double Rookie Class of this years product in some future posts . Wednesday 6AM : As she heads off to work , I get last minute instructions on getting the boy to school . All I want to do is lay there and sleep for another 30 more minutes but I know I 'm just going to roll around . Being in a strange bed always makes me sleep restless . I know I have to get up probably in at most an hour and get dressed , get breakfast , and get him to school . I offered to take him because based on my parents house location , it would be a waste of time and gas for her to backtrack . Plus , she had to stop at the store on the way to work and pick up stuff for a baby shower . Wednesday 6 : 50AM : I roll out of bed , sleep already gone from my eyes . I head to the bathroom to take care of all the particulars . As I come out , I see he 's already awake . I tell him to get dressed so we can get things moving for the day . He asks " Have you seen where my mom went ? " . I tell him she went to work like she does every morning . He says " Oh ! Yeah I knew that . " We continue to round up all our things and make the beds until we are ready to go . We head upstairs to see what we can find by way of breakfast . My fear is that the only cereals will be an assortment of fiber enriched twigs and berries type cereals that most kids would scoff at . But to my surprise , I find Cinnamon Toast Crunch ( or whatever the store brand is called ) . Jackpot . What kid doesn 't like CT Crunch ? Wednesday 7 : 35 : We head out the door with bags in hand . I load up the truck and make sure he is securely belted in . I don 't think he has ever been in my truck so I didn 't want him to freak out being so high off the ground . After climbing in he says , " You 're truck is way bigger than my mom 's car . I like being this high . " Excellent . We head to his school , wait in the parking lot for a few minutes for them to open the doors , and then he heads in . Mission accomplished . Now , do I dare check the house ? Wednesday 8 : 05 : I get to our street . Trucks are gone . Poles are up . It 's daylight so I can 't really tell if anyone has lights on in their houses . All I can really see is that there are two new streetlights past the house that weren 't there before but neither are on . I pull in front of the house into my customary parking space . As I get out and open my passenger door to unload the bags , the neighbor pulls up and yells " Do we have power yet ? " I tell her that I didn 't know yet . The crews were out last night but we stayed somewhere else . She says " You had a generator , didn 't you ? " I tell her yes . As she pulls away I hear her yell " We lost everything in our ( g . d . ) fridge " . Sorry to hear that . I make my way up the stairs of the porch . I open the screen door and immediately hear the cat meowing on the other side . She doesn 't enjoy being left alone overnight I don 't think . She is always extra friendly the next day . I open the door , walk in , shutting the door behind me . I turn to the right to hang up my keys . I turn to the left and peer over at the TV . While the screen is a reflective black , there 's something at the bottom right that I have missed for a few days . A little red light . WE HAVE POWER ! ! Tuesday 1AM : I wake to the sounds of popping and gurgling outside my window . What the heck is that ? THE GENERATOR ! ! Oh , no . Please don 't tell me it 's dying . Please ! ! I get up out of bed and head to the back door to get my shoes . I 'm half undressed because I 'm still partially sleeping . Once I realize this , I go back in and throw on a sweatshirt . I head outside . It 's dark . Very dark . I forgot my flashlight . I head back in , grab the industrial Mag lite off the counter and return to a " choked " up generator . There is white smoke coming out of the engine . What could be wrong ? Gas ? Oil ? I check all the gauges . Everything indicates it is ok but the noises , the sputtering , the smoke , what 's causing this ? I examine all the knobs and switches . And then I see it . Somehow , the choke got switched to the closed position . I flip it back and the unit fires back up to a dull purr . Whewww ! That was close . I return inside , everyone still asleep , crawl back in bed and sigh deeply into my pillow . Tuesday 6AM : " I 'm leaving for work . The generator is almost out of gas , " she says . What ! How can that be ? Sunday we ran it all night and there was still over a 1 / 4 tank left when I woke up . The space heater ! ! ( in my best Jerry hating Newman voice ) That think sucked over half the power itself and drained the gas quicker . That 's not cool . Not cool at all . Especially considering that gas prices shot back up about $ . 20 / gallon right before the storms . I already filled three of our gas tanks and it cost over $ 50 . How much more am I going to have to spend ? Are we still going to lose all the groceries in the fridge ? How much longer is this outage going to last ? I check my phone . Estimated time for restoration of power . . . THURSDAY ! ! ! It 's getting worse ! ! Tuesday 7 : 30AM : I decide to go to work early . My idea is that as long as we don 't open the fridge and it doesn 't rain , everything will be good . I 'm shutting the generator off and plugging back in the stuff in case by some miracle the power comes back on . I text her and let her know the plan . We can turn it back on when she gets home . Oh , look . A text from my dad . " You guys should come stay here tonight . It 's going to be cold . " How much colder can it get ? I look at my phone . Tonight 's low , 28 with windchill feeling like 22 . Ugh . I text her to get her vibe on the idea . We agree that unless the power comes back on , that is probably our best bet , preventing us from burning through another tank of gas and freezing to death to boot . I go back in the house and pack a bag . Tuesday Noonish : I check the Estimated times again . . . still Thursday . We are listing in one of four areas that took the most damage to equipment . The estimated times are " worst case scenario " times if they run into problems repairing the broken lines . But up until I left for work this morning , I hadn 't seen one single utility truck on our street except the tree cutter guys clearing the line paths along the road . The broken poles are still broken , the downed lines are still down . The overall power outage map has shrunk considerably . Of the 75 , 000 people without power , 98 % of them have been restored . Over 50 % of those left are in my town and the neighboring town to the north . Tuesday 3 : 30PM : I text her to see when she is leaving work . They have another case to deal with and it has to be finished before she leaves . After that , she will head home , turn the generator back on for awhile to cool the fridge back down , empty the sump , and charge the phone . She has to pack a couple bags of clothes for our overnight sleepover . Tuesday 4 : 30ishPM : I text my ex to see if she is bringing my boys to my office or if I am picking them up . They are on their way . The power still isn 't on at home so I am just going to bring them to my dad 's for awhile too . But what about food ? I 'm not going to assume we are being fed too . I text to see what the plans our . . . no plans . I ask if she wants to meet for food or if we are all fending for ourselves . She says we can meet . How about pizza ? Fantastic . Let 's do it . Tuesday 5 : 45PM : I get a table for five at the local pizza place . They will meet us in a few . In the meantime , the boys and I settle in for a nice dinner . They have coloring pages for them to do and after ordering , they go to work on some fall themed pictures . After about 15 minutes , the others arrive and we make small talk before our food arrives . This was the first time we have sat down to eat a meal together since Sunday morning . We discuss the events of the last couple days and voice our concerns going forward if nothing gets fixed . She mentions that there are 6 utility trucks on our street as we are sitting there , working on the light poles . They must have heard me . Maybe we will have power before dinner is done . Maybe we can cancel the sleepover . Tuesday 7 : 30PM : As we head to my parents house , I decide to detour down our street to assess the situation . There are the trucks . There are the workers . There are the new light poles . There are all the dark windows of the houses too . Still no power . Oh well . One last check of their website . Estimated time to restoration of power , Wednesday by day 's end . Wednesday now , huh ? So we moved up ? That 's good . It 's still another day to wait but at least it 's progress . Who knows ? Maybe they will get it on sometime tonight . We finally arrive at my parents . We are welcomed inside to a warm and invited home . It 's nice to have a place to go and sleep in a warm bed . Here 's hoping tonight is the only night we need to do this . This Post Brought To You By Monday 6AM : It was a long night . I think we woke up every hour or so , listening for the generator , listening for the sump pump , and worrying about what the day would bring . Plus , it was quite cold outside of the covers . We still have to go to work because running a generator costs money . As she leaves for work , assuring me that there was plenty of gas in the generator , I try to get comfortable and catch an hour or so more of sleep before I get ready for work . Monday 7 : 30ish : I finally roll reluctantly from bed , lumbering toward the back door to check the generator . As I go outside , I immediately notice how chilly it is and hope as the sun rises higher it starts to warm up . I look at the gauge on the generator and see that it is almost empty . I reach for the gas can , putting in about a gallon or so . I return the cap and go back inside to get ready for work . I check my phone app for the utility company and see that we are scheduled to get power back by mid - morning . FANTASTIC ! ! Monday 8 : 30ish : I head out the door , late as usual , and begin my journey to my office ( which is about 15 miles away ) . I decided that since the power was going to be switched back on , I would plug the fridge and the sump pump into their respective outlets so that when the power was turned on , they would begin their normal functioning of preventing my basement from flooding and providing me with cold beverages and nourishing food . I wrapped the extension cord up , put it back in the basement , and placed the generator back into the shed where it lives . Off I go . Monday 11ish : It 's a typical Monday at the office , getting caught up on stuff from the previous week and beginning new projects . I keep thinking about the fridge at home so I go on the utility company 's page to check again . Our new estimated time of restoring power is . . . WEDNESDAY ! ! ! ? ? ? What happened to mid - morning ? My fridge isn 't going to hold out all day , is it ? The sump is going to flood the basement ! I gotta get out of here . I head out of the office for lunch and decide to go back home to hook everything back up . When I get there , I check everything . Fridge still cold , freezer still frozen , sump . . . empty ? Ok . Great . I head to the shed to retrieve the generator . 30 minutes later , I 'm back on my way to the office again . That wasn 't so bad , I guess . Monday 4ish : The day is almost over . I know she will be heading home soon if not already so any issues should be addressed shortly . Things could be way worse and I think we are going to be able to pull this one out . Just as long as it doesn 't get too cold outside . I check the weather on my phone . Tonights low , 33 degrees . 33 ! ! I don 't know about anyone else but that 's about 40 degrees colder than I like it . The in house temperature is holding at 57 but that is certainly not going to last as the sun goes down . Monday 7 : 30 : I 'm frantically trying to find ways I can hotwire my furnace to the generator . Oh , it can be done . But not by me , the most mechanically deficient person on earth . I call my dad who explains the general process of removing covers , stripping wires , destroying extension cords . I had enough of that noise . It 's not going to happen . Let 's break out the space heater . But wait . . . doesn 't that thing frequently trip the breaker normally ? Where 's the owner 's manual . Our generator can safely support about 2400 - 2500 amps . The fridge and sump each use about 800 . So that leaves another 800 - 900 left . We have our cell phones plugged in too though . But those can 't be that many , can they ? Something is going to have to go . It 's not raining and the sump seems to be holding it 's own without filling up . Lets pull that for now and plug in the heater . We will put it in the kids room and just put another blanket on our bed . Yeah , that 's it . That 's the ticket . After switching the heater from room to room for a few hours , it took it 's position in the kids bedroom for the rest of the night . Monday 8 : 30 : Me : I 'm hungry . Are you hungry ? Her : Yes . Me : Well we have gas . We can cook something . Her : How about a frozen pizza ? Me : Ok . Her ( after five minutes ) : But the oven isn 't getting hot . Me : Do you have an electric igniter ? Her : I don 't know . How do I know . . . oh wait , yes . Yes I do . Me : How did you come up with that ? Her : It 's written on the stove by the clock ( nice ) . Me : Ok , we should be able to light the pilot . Open the oven door . Is there a hole or something where you can access the pilot . Her : I don 't know . Me : Let me look . I go to the stove . Peer inside . The bottom inside of the over covers the entire thing . I feel around and see that the bottom can be removed . But it 's bolted in . Two in the front , two in the back . I can see the broiler through a few holes though . Maybe I can light it from there . I open the drawer , grab the Mag lite again and peer inside . I can see the long metal gas receptacles ( you know the ones with all the little holes in them ) . What if I turn on the gas and hold a match ? Will that work or blow my face off ? I grab the phone , Google " How to light an electronic ignition oven when the power is out " . 20 minutes later , after reading arguments on forums between people that believe it is safe and the others that warn of melting skin and loss of limbs , I consult the expert again . My dad answers and I say " Last question " , further explaining the situation . He says " Sure . . . pull the bottom plate off the oven and you can light it in there . " I explain it 's bolted on . He says " Ok , do you have a broiler . " Yes . " Good . Pull that out . Can you see the pilot ? " I reply , " I don 't know . Is that the mechanical looking thing in the back " ( you see , I 'm not mechanically inclined ) ? " Yes , " he says " You have to hold a match to that , it will catch , warm up the coil and then the oven will ignite . " " So you mean I have to stick my arm all the way in there with a lit match , turn on the gas , wait for it to catch , and hope I don 't die ? " " Unless you want to pull out the over , take the back off and light it that way , basically yes " , he says . I hang up . Grab a bag of Doritos off the counter and retreat to the couch where I belong . Monday 10 : 15 : Time to fill the gas tank on the generator . It 's going to be another long night . As most people are aware by now , massive storm cells moved through the Midwest over the weekend , destroying thousands of homes , hundreds of businesses , and even taking the lives of almost a dozen people . One of the hardest hit places was southern Illinois and Indiana where an EF - 4 tornado ripped through some small towns including Washington . . . there is nothing left . Even up in my own comfortable corner of Indiana just across the border from Chicago , IL , we got to see the effects of the hard rains , strong winds , and threats of tornadoes . Sunday started off as a great day to just lay on the couch and watch football . It turned into a day I won 't soon forget . I 'm not trying to discount any of the damage and loss of life , injuries , and the like that occurred as a result of these storms . Our prayers and thoughts go out to everyone who was hammered by these storms . But I wanted to share an account of what my day was like in my own , dis - joined rambling kind of way . Saturday night : We decide to sleep in the next morning because , well , we didn 't have anything to do on Sunday . Sunday Noonish : Our food arrives , the Bears game kicks off on the TV in the restaurant . The sky outside is now darkening at rapid speed as the clouds roll in from SW to NE . Sunday Noon - thirty : We are slowly finishing breakfast when we notice that Soldier Field was being evacuated for safety reasons . Apparently the strong winds and lightning were too much to keep playing . Sunday Noon - forty : The phone rings from a concern mother who urges their child and fearless boyfriend to retreat to the basement of their home posthaste . Their power has been out for almost 30 minutes and they are sure that ours will be as well . However , our current location is fully lit and quite comfortable in fact . The concerns are quickly poo - poo 'd as another destination was scheduled for the morning . . . snacks from the grocery store must be obtained . The sky . . . oh , boy the sky . Sunday 1pm : As we peruse the aisles of the local grocer , we suddenly hear what sounds like rocks , pelting aluminum siding . The winds outside howl as the rain mixed with some chunks of ice beat down on the building . We decide it 's time to go and proceed to the self - checkout . As we clear the foyer area to the parking lot , we are surprised by the fact that the rain had stopped and the ground looked barely wet . At this point , the sky looked like a cross between dirty cobwebs and pea soup . We head for home ( which is only about 1 mile away ) . Sunday 1 - twentyish : As we approach the halfway point to our domicile , the atmosphere instantly turns into what I can only describe as a monsoon meets a hurricane . The water was flying horizontally in all directions at the same time and the amount of sticks , leaves , and other loose debris mixed in made visibility less than zero . As we approach the municipal building ( housing both the police and fire depts ) traffic is stopped . No one wants to move because , well , no one can see . Then . . . nothing . Rain stops , wind dies down , visibility clears . . . but only for a moment . Just long enough for us to continue the 2000 feet to our street . Maybe this is worse than we thought ? ? Sunday 1 - thirtyish : As we turn down our street , we are greeted with a continued onslaught of wind and rain . But more concerning , 20 feet in front of our house , a police car sits perpendicular to the road with it 's lights flashing , indicating only one thing . . . Roadblock . We watch as he turns cars from the other direction away , making them , ironically enough , turn around using our driveway . As we approach , the officer puts up his hand indicating that we stop and turn around . I wind my window down and we both , in unison , shout " That 's our house . Right there , " as we point to the almost 100 year old 2 - story . " Fine , " the officer says , " I will let you in . " He proceeds to move his vehicle and we are allowed to pull into our driveway . Why the roadblock , you ask ? There was a downed power line , or so we thought within 15 feet of our house . As we stood and watched from the living room window , the neighbor nonchalantly walked down by the police car , reached down and picked up the potentially live wire , proceeded to spool it over his arm , and carried it back to his house , placing it beside the porch . Apparently , that wasn 't a live one but rather a phone or cable line . Who does that , though ? Sunday 2 - fifteenish : A crowd begins to gather on the neighboring houses porch , peering north up the street . We proceed to investigate on our own as there is nothing on TV now . There is nothing anywhere for that matter since the power is now out . As we get to a good position we can see emergency vehicles and barricades about forty feet or so up the street from our driveway . Further up the street you can see what looks like branches in the middle of the road . A tree had fallen across the road , smashing a car parked on the other side and tearing down the power lines on both sides of the street in the process . About a half dozen light poles were taken out as well and two transformers on the tops of each pole apparently burst into flames , but were quickly distinguished by the gusts of water pounding into them . Yeah , I 'm thinking this is worse than we thought . Sunday 4 - ish : After going back and forth with what we should do next , we finally decide to go to the shed to retrieve the small gas - powered generator so that we can at least get the sump pump working and maybe power the fridge so we don 't lose the food . We bring the surprisingly , light - weight machine close to the house , ground it with a metal stake that was already there , and proceed to fill it with gas . I check the oil , top it off , and we are in business . Or so I though . Choke - off , gas - on , ignition - on . But the rip - cord starter is doing nothing but breaking my shoulder . One pull , two pulls , ten pulls . Nothing . Twenty pulls , thirty pulls , wait , let me try . . . nothing . I retire to the house . We need another plan . 30 minutes later , no plan , I proceed to try again . Maybe that 's all it needed , being rustled around out of it 's tomb and drug across the yard . One pull , two pulls , ten pulls , fifteen frustratingly small but hard pulls . Nothing . Defeated , I return to the house and the safety of my couch . Sunday 5 - thirty - ish : Our phones are about dead now . We have no mobile chargers to use and our only option is to head out somewhere . Not in this town though . Where are we going to go ? The next closest town with any sort of commercially based civilization is about 16 miles away . Well , that should give us plenty of time to charge two cell phones . Lets do it . Oh , wait . There is the neighbor . He is way more mechanically inclined than I . Let 's see if he knows whats wrong with the generator . " It won 't start , eh ? " " Did you fill it with gas ? " Of course we did . " Is the oil ok ? " Yes , sir . " Did you kick it ? " No but I will if you think it will help . " Give me a minute . I will be right back . " A minute arrived and he returned with an aerosol can of , yep , you guessed it , starter fluid . Why didn 't I think of that ? One spray from the magic solution and BLAMO ! ! ! It 's purring like a kitten ( a 3400 watt kitten ) . Sunday 6 - thirty - ish : After getting everything plugged in , making sure the frozen food was still frozen , the fridge food was still icy cold , and emptying the sump three or four times ( rain water run off from the yard and around the foundation of the house drains into our sump ) , we make our way to the car . Remember , we had to charge our phones . Off we go toward retail central . Sunday 8 - ish : We finally return home to a dark house , a dark street , and a dark neighborhood . The sound of generators all around was humming like a pack of wild animals . With a charged phone , I check the utility company website for outage information . Our town alone had almost 6000 customers without power . The total customers with outages was over 50 , 000 by 8 : 30 . The ETA for returning power . . . not listed . This could be a long night . I have noticed lately that both Upper Deck and Panini have been sending redemption cards of " higher " value with signature verifications . I have no problem with that other than the fact that no one is ever home at my house to sign for them . Regardless , the Post Office gladly holds my little yellow envelopes for me until I can get my happy butt over there to pick them up . Well an epic card awaited me yesterday . I bought a box of Panini Classics Signatures back in March at the Chicago Sun - Times Sports Show in Rosemont , IL . In it was a redemption for a triple auto . Honestly , I never expected to receive this card and assumed it would be one that would need replaced . Then the email came last week . My card had shipped . And here it is in all it 's glory . . . Bob McKenzie reported on his Twitter feed that he expects the Sabres to announce that Pat LaFontaine is the new director of hockey operations for the club . The Sabres have announced a press conference for today at 10 : 30 and it is being streamed live on their website . This seems to be a trend in the NHL these days . Hey , our team is struggling . Let 's take a former NHL great ( preferably a vet of our franchise ) and put him in a position of authority . That will certainly turn the team 's fortunes around . There were two Tampa Bay teams in action last night . One in the NHL , one in the NFL . Which one would you want to watch ? ? Those of you that chose the NHL ( made the right choice ) got to see probably the most devastating injury of this young 2013 - 14 season . With about 7 minutes left to play in the second period , Steven Stamkos was skating up the ice toward his own net , chasing a dump in pass by Boston , when his skate got tied up with Dougie Hamilton . As Stamkos went down , he collided with the right post of the goal , knocking it from its ' moorings . As you can see in the videos , he hits the post with his left leg and then his right leg came awkwardly across his body and bent backward as it too hit the post . He was immediately in pain and Anders Lindback instantly signaled for trainers to get out on the ice . As Stamkos got up to skate away , he fell back to the ice in pain . He had to be taken from the ice on a stretcher . Word from the Lightning is that he has a broken tibia , he is out indefinitely , and will undergo surgery today . For a team in the Eastern Conference that has to contend with other big dogs to get a playoff spot , this isn 't good news . With five teams basically locked on top of the East , any edge will benefit the rest and this injury just could push a " bubble " team into a playoff spot ( I know it 's early , I 'm just saying ) . Going into last nights game , Stamkos was tied with Sidney Crosby for as the NHL leading scorer at 23 points and tied with Alex Steen in goals with 14 . He hasn 't missed a single regular season game in his entire career up to this point and is now in jeopardy of missing much of the rest of the season , if not all of it . Those are points the Lightning can 't afford to be without for any amount of time . The sheer fact that Steven was a part of 44 % of all Tampa goals this year shows that his impact will be potentially devastating for the Lightning . This also has world hockey implications as Stamkos was basically a lock for making Team Canada at the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi . The final team roster does not have to be announced until Dec . 31st however , adding an injured player to the roster and then having to have them removed is not as easy for international play . Broken legs generally take four to six months to heal completely . Surgically repaired legs can heal quicker but every person is different when it comes to down time and the pain threshold . Regardless , I doubt Stamkos would be ready before the first game of Team Canada which is only about three months away . Stamkos isn 't replaceable either as the only other player with his type of ability is Sidney Crosby , who is already most certainly going to be on the team . Plus , with Rick Nash yet to return from concussion , the Team Canada lineup is starting to look thin . Overall though , NHL fans are going to lose out on seeing one of the best players in the world for awhile . Regardless of whether you are a lightning fan or not , Stamkos has always been a class act and an amazing player to watch . As most people know , I have an Eric Tangradi personal collection that I started back in 2010 when he was a prospect in the Penguins organization . Now that he is with Winnipeg , I still actively chase the missing links that I don 't have . The problem for me has always been that I am aware of at least a half - dozen other Tangradi collectors . This poses a problem when searching for cards on the auction sites . I can 't tell you how many times I have gotten into a bidding war with someone and ended up overpaying for a card just because the demand was there ( or lost at the last second or just got bid right out of the auction ) . One of those collector 's periodically puts up many of his / her rarer cards , assuming to test the market . Up to this point , I have only ever seen them listed for BIN numbers reaching in the ridiculously high stratosphere of values . I have always watched them , but they have never ended with a sale . A few weeks ago , some of these cards hit the Bay again , only this time , they were traditional auctions with starting prices of $ . 99 . After all was said and done , I ended up winning 4 of the 6 auctions I bid on . The other two just got too rich for my blood . At any rate , I figured I would share . So with a tiered system in any card set , the ones numbered under 50 are next to impossible to find . I have only seen this gold one pop up a couple times . I was happy to bid and finally win this one . I have the basic Silver # / 899 , the Red # / 250 , and the Blue # / 100 . I just need the Emerald # / 5 and the Black # / 1 . I have actually found the Emerald recently and am working on procuring it . We shall see . 2010 - 11 Ultimate Debut Threads Signed Jersey # / 50 This is another in a long line of " tiered " cards . These were found as just jerseys , jersey autos , patches , patch autos , and I think there is a black version or something like that . I know I have the regular Jersey # / 200 and the Patch # / 35 but I had never seen the jersey auto . Never . Maybe I just didn 't pay good enough attention . I did pay for the card though . And now it 's mine . I believe this would be my tenth printing plate . These never popped up at all a few years ago but then last year around summer time , I found quite a few . The difference though was that they were all The Cup plates which feature the other releases by Upper Deck ( ie . SP , SPx , Black Diamond , Arifacts , etc ) . I didn 't realize that the basic flagship set had it 's own plates outside the realm of The Cup . The card itself is made of metal ( as most plates are ) and you can see it on the back ( although I didn 't scan it ) . The corners are rounded too . There is a sticker identifying it as the actual plate , signed by our friend Richard P . McWilliam . Finally I was able to get my hands on a Zenith auto . These have popped up on a number of occasions but every time they have a BIN that is well out of my price range . Not anymore . This one set me back a whopping $ 3 . It is numbered out of # / 99 . Unfortunately it 's a sticker auto although the design of the card had the white space for signing . One of these days I will get around to updating my Tangradi page and checklist . One of these days seems to be my mantra lately . This Post Brought To You By After another dismal start to the season , Florida Panthers GM Dale Tallon fired head coach Kevin Dineen and his assistant coaches Gord Murphy and Craig Ramsay . This marks the latest in a long line of bad luck , bad playing , and just bad news for the hapless hockey team from South Florida . But I 'm positive that coaching changes aren 't the only things that need fixed . The Panthers are 1 - 6 - 4 in 11 games so far and haven 't won in the last seven . They are also among the bottom feeders in the league in both scoring and being scored on . The fact of the matter is , Tallon had about enough and could do no more thinking on the subject . It was time for him to act and a change was necessary . Peter Horachek was named the new interim coach as Dale begins the long process of trying to find a replacement for Dineen . Brian Skrudland and John Madden were brought in as assistants . I 'm not convinced that their issues can all be blamed on the coaching staff though . Florida 's players haven 't helped the cause of the team and key guys just aren 't performing as they should . Tallon even said , " It 's easier to fire a coach than to fire 23 players . " This is a very true statement and Tallon is no - nonsense when it comes to effort . If he sees you aren 't giving it night in and night out , he will send you packing and find someone that will . He has a history of it and he will do it no matter where he goes . So what does everyone think on this ? Are the players to blame ? Management ? The city ? Is Florida big enough to support two teams ? Is it time to for the Quebec City Panthers ? Leave a comment . This Post Brought To You By Ok , so we all see it . In an apparent effort to " energize " his team that was getting destroyed defensively by the Capitals , Ray Emery takes it upon himself to skate the length of the ice to fight his counterpart , Braden Holtby . As the announcers mention and as you can see on the video , Holtby wanted nothing to do with a fight . His team was up 7 - 0 , he played a great game , and was probably looking forward to coasting the rest of the game and relaxing in a hot tub after work . Well , as you can see by the video , Emery wouldn 't take no for an answer and proceeded to pummel Holtby into submission . So now that all the water cooler talk , NHL news spinning , and focus in general is gone from this event , it 's the DFG 's turn to speak . I like to wait till after the fact because if you can 't be the breaking news , you might as well re - stir the pot . What happened to Emery as a result of this play ? He got 2 min for instigating , 2 min for leaving the crease , 5 min for fighting , 10 min misconduct , and a game - misconduct . Other than that ? ? ? Nothing . The NHL decided taht the league 's rules did not allow for any other punishment beyond what was dished out on the ice . No one has really come forward to explain this fact that I am aware of but apparently the " conduct detrimental to the league " thing they frequently suspend guys for only applies to off - the - ice incidents . So this begs the question , since Emery didn 't violate a rule per - se , did he violate the spirit of the game ? Did he violate the " code " of conduct that players have , for decades , lived by on the ice when it comes to dropping the gloves ? When a guy is unwilling to fight an opponent , the general rule has always been to back off and skate away . But in this case , that didn 't happen and Holtby got destroyed . I was almost positive that the Shanahammer would drop on Emery come Monday morning but that didn 't happen either . There has been dialogue from commissioner Bettman about changing , or making , a rule that would prevent this kind of behavior on the ice but until the owners meetingI 'm curious to hear what everyone else thinks on the subject ? Please leave a comment regarding the fight , the " code " , or anything else you 'd like to comment about . I have still been picking up Tangradi cards for my PC even though he is long gone from the Pens . So far this year he has 1 point on 15 shots on goal . Nothing to write home about but he has thus far only appeared in 11 games . So Artifacts has been out for a while and as most people know , the Autofacts cards are not a one per box kind of thing . They say they fall about one per every three boxes but for some reason , there are a ton already on the secondary market . When these first hit the shelves , I was bidding feverishly on the Tangradi 's that I would see pop up because I knew that other than OPC , he wouldn 't get a lot of exposure in this year 's products . So I bid . And lost . Bid again . And lost . Continuing over , and over again . Finally , I found a multitude of $ . 99 auctions with this card and bid on all of them because at this point , odds were that I 'd get at least one of them , right ? Well my plan backfired . Instead of winning one of them , I won FIVE ! ! The same scenario as the Autofacts card above went for this one too . I didn 't want to pay more than a few dollars for this and once some of these auctions got over five , I bowed out . But finally I won one ( not five ) and all is well with the world . 2010 - 11 Donruss Rated Rookie Autograph For as prevalent as 2010 - 11 Donruss was , and still is , this card has eluded me repeatedly . In fact , I have been monitoring Ebay auctions since I decided to start collecting ET and this card has only come up FIVE times that I can remember . Each time , the owner wanted an extraordinary dollar value on a BIN price . I watched these auctions close with no bids and no sales over and over again . But finally , someone posted a regular auction starting at $ . 99 . That 's how you do it . That was it for now , just three cards . I have recently snatched up some BIG ones for the collection from another Tangradi collector that occasionally pops up online . They are low numbered ones with a 1 of 1 thrown in for good measure . Once I get those in hand and scanned , I will be sure to share those This is the ninth installment of a the Sunday Steeler 6 - Pack . This week is an uphill battle against the New England Cheatriots . We haven 't won in Foxboro in ages . In fact , since Brady became the starter , we are 0 - 2 . But if there is a year to change that , it 's this year . The Pats defense is succeptable and their offense has struggled ( at least as far as a Tom Brady offense can struggle ) . We shall see . Player Collections : Mario LemieuxJaromir JagrBill GuerinAlso : Hines WardTroy PolamaluRod WoodsonJerome BettisTeam Collections : 1 . Pittsburgh Penguins2 . Pittsburgh Steelers3 . Pittsburgh Pirates4 . Ball State Sports AlumniSet NeedsTrade List
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Sorry , no fancy picture this week . I honestly just don 't have the energy ! ! Instead , I 'll again share this quick one taken at 31 weeks , 5 days . . . close enough anyway right ? These past few days have been exhausting . . . Thursday I started getting some horrible pain in my back and by Friday evening it was unbearable . . . I 'd tried laying on my side , resting , warm baths , etc and nothing seemed to make the pain go away , so we decided to play it safe and head to the hospital . The good news is I had not dilated anymore than what I had been at my previous appointment . I was having a few contractions , as normal and baby wasn 't handling them so well , so they put me on oxygen for awhile , which seemed to help . ( I went through this same thing with Shaun as well . ) All the tests came back normal and the ultrasound looked perfect , so all seems to be good . . . the back pain is still there , though less than it was . . . during the day anyway , but I just don 't have much energy to do much of anything ! ( As my house is certainly beginning to show ! ) But anyway , onto the rest of the update : Maternity clothes : Probably 95 % maternity at this point . I could still wear many of my pre - pregnancy tops if I chose to , but they 're getting shorter than I would prefer ! ! Best moment this week : Seeing our baby girls sweet face ! We got a really great look at her facial features , which was really neat . We even got a picture of her adorable little lips . . . I think she 's going to have full pouty lips just like big brother ! ! What do you think ? Miss anything ? Being comfortable . Movement : Still all the time ! Food cravings : Ice . Food aversions : Still most drinks . . . I 've had the occasional Sprite that hasn 't bothered me TOO much , but can 't stomach the thought of anything but water for the most part . Gender : GIRLLabor signs : See above . But still only a fingertip dilated , so that 's good ! Sleep : Not going so well . . . I miss it ! Symptoms : Back pain . Contractions . Swelling . Heartburn . Anemia . General exhaustion . Forgetfulness . You know , pretty much all those great things that can be expected in the third trimester ! ! Belly button in or out ? Flat - ish . Looking forward to ? Baby shower ( assuming we don 't have to cancel , it 's in 2 weeks and 3 hours away . . . all things considered we 're not entirely certain the doctor will advise us to go ) . Next appointment on Tuesday , so we can find out for sure and hopefully get the next ultrasound scheduled . Finishing up getting everything done . . . mostly , we have everything ready at this point . . . just a few things to finish . Big brother 's reaction to meeting sister for the first time . Pregnancy is one of the most memorable and exciting times in a woman 's life . . . but it can also be exhausting and stressful at times too . It is for this reason that all moms need a little spoiling and pampering during this time . Today I am excited to share with you a company that is perfect for just that - Baby Bump Bundle ! When Mairead became pregnant with her first child in January 2012 , she realized that as you go through one of the most amazing and beautiful , yet stressful and emotional times in a woman 's life , there was a real opportunity to provide a service that pampers the mother - to - be with functional and fun products . Mairead and Michelle created the BumpBundle to provide gifts for modern moms through each trimester of this exciting time and the BabyBundle , as the perfect gift for the celebration of baby 's arrival . We offer an amazing chance for boyfriends , girlfriends , husbands , partners , sisters , mothers , best friends , or whoever has a special someone in their life , to buy a gift for those that just found out they are expecting . It 's the gift that keeps on giving though since you can purchase a subscription for all three bundles , with a delivery of a surprise care package each trimester throughout the pregnancy . We handpick around 5 items for modern moms that are sure to make her feel and look great during this exciting time of her life . For this review , Michelle was kind enough to send me a BumpBundle to try out for myself . When it arrived , I was so excited to see what was inside that I completely forgot to take a picture of the packaging before ripping into it ! So , you 'll have to take my word that it was packaged beautifully , each item wrapped individually in bright pops of pink and blue tissue paper . So fun ! Here 's a look at what was in my bundle : Bella B Mama Soak : This bath soak is pregnancy friendly , featuring organic ingredients like acai , green tea , pomegranate , avocado and jojoba . I 'm not usually much of a bath person , but I absolutely LOVED this soak ! First of all , it smelled wonderful - not too strong which was great since some smells even in the third trimester are still making me nauseous , but a very relaxing scent . I also have extremely dry skin , and after using the soak , I could certainly see a difference in my skin ! It can also be used post pregnancy to help with soothing and healing ! Udder Covers Nursing Cover : This is perhaps one of my favorite items in my bundle . I have a few nursing covers already , but can you really have too many ? Especially when they are as cute as this one ! Since I am due in August , I love that the Udder Covers are lightweight enough to be used even in the summer months too ! With my son , I only had a simple all black cover - it served its purpose , but was pretty boring . Every mom deserves a pretty cover that allows her to nurse discreetly , and still look cute . . . the Udder Covers cover certainly takes care of that ! This will definitely be making it 's way into my hospital bag ! Knocked Up Nail Polish : This was another of my favorites . First of all , I never knew there was such a thing as pregnancy safe nail polish . . . but with the chemicals in most all other beauty products , I suppose that makes sense ! And it 's child friendly as well , so if I decide I want to paint baby 's nails when she 's a bit older , it will be safe to use on her ! But beyond the safety issues , it 's also a ton of fun ! The color I received was called ' Still Rockin ' My Pink Bikini ' . . . hilarious ! And beautiful . I also found that this polish seemed to last a bit longer than other nail polishes I 've used , which makes it perfect for pregnancy pedicures in the third trimester when it 's a struggle to see your toes , let alone paint them ! ! Earth Mama Angel Baby Third Trimester Tea : USDA Certified 100 % Organic Third Trimester Tea was formulated as a tonic for mamas who are heading into the home stretch ( pardon the pun ) ! This delicious blend of vitamin and mineral packed herbs was formulated especially to nurture all those mama parts gearing up for the joyous arrival of your angel baby . Personally , I haven 't yet tried this one yet , as I wanted to save it for closer to time for baby to arrive , so I cannot say how it tastes . I can however say it smells absolutely wonderful . I cannot wait to use it in preparation for the arrival of our baby girl . Overall , I absolutely loved my BumpBundle ! First of all , I love how personal it was - each item is handpicked to be ideal for whatever stage in pregnancy you 're in . . . I am in the third trimester so mine was geared more toward preparing for birth . First and second trimester bundles would be more geared towards mom 's needs at that time . ( They even offer a Baby Bundle and Breastfeeding Bundle as well for after baby arrives ! ) But my favorite part of the BumpBundle is that it 's the perfect mix of practical and fun ! In my particular bundle , the bath soak and tea are ideal for preparing for labor and healing afterwards and the nursing cover is an essential for after baby arrives . These are all very practical . The earrings and nail polish , though not necessarily a must have , are a fun way to pamper yourself or the mom in your life . . . and every mom deserves that little something extra , just for her ! If you 're looking for a fun way to treat the expecting mother in your life , or even just want to treat yourself , the BumpBundle is the perfect way to go ! Baby Bump Bundle has generously offered all my readers a discount code as well ! Use the code MODERN15 for 15 % off your purchase , from now until July 5 , 2013 ! ! You can check out Baby Bump Bundle for yourself at the links below : 3rd trimester - It 's time to think about packing up the hospital bag ! An Udder Covers nursing cover is perfect for privacy at the hospital or whenever baby needs to be nursed in public upon his / her arrival . You will love the feminine pattern and the ease of use during breastfeeding for months after baby is born ! Where on earth is the time going ! ? 31 weeks , 5 days already ! ? This photo was taken yesterday . Many have said that I still look tiny for just about 32 weeks , but I have to tell you , I certainly don 't feel it ! ! Honestly , I feel about ready to pop ! ! It 's hard to believe that our sweet baby girl could be here as soon as 5 weeks from Saturday ! ! Crazy ! ! I 'm not 100 % sure I 'm quite ready yet ! I definitely need to start packing my bag . . . I 'm at a loss as to what to pack though ! Any tips ? Mr . Shaun is ready for baby sister to arrive too . . . but in the meantime , he enjoys snuggling with her in mommy 's tummy ! So sweet ! He loves feeling her kicks and flips and hiccups ! He 's going to be the best big brother in the world ! ! Doing my blog planning for the next few months , and doing it in style with this fancy paper ( from the Dollar Tree ! ) . I have some wonderful reviews and giveaways lined up for July . . . and perhaps a few lined up for August as well . However , August will certainly be a much slower month , since baby could arrive any time that month really ! I will try to plan accordingly through July and have lots of posts scheduled and ready to go if needed ! What type of posts would you all like to see ? Okay , have I mentioned that Shaun loves Angry Birds ? He does ! So , he was super excited during our commissary trip when he saw cans of sardines . . . just like the Mighty Eagle eats ! ! Never had I seen anyone so excited over sardines ! ! He insisted we buy a can . As I expected , as soon as the can was opened , he changed his mind and stuck it in the fridge for Daddy to eat later . . . such a silly boy I have ! ! But 56 cents to make him happy ? I 'll take it ! The big highlight of the week of course was Day Out With Thomas ! ! ! You can read all about that here ! Contemplating outfits the night before . Shaun 's entire wardrobe used to consist of ALL Thomas clothes for the most part . But little by little he outgrew all but a few ( though he still wears his too small jammies ) , and we could not find any new ones that fit . . . I suppose he 's getting to that point where many kids outgrow Thomas so they 're harder to find . But we managed to find these few things that still fit . . . Shaun opted to mix and match , wearing his Thomas tee under his bibs with his hat and bandanna . . . a good choice ! What a perfect day it was ! ! Definitely a dream come true ! ! If you 'd like to follow me on Instagram , you can find me here ! ( I always follow back too ! ) Oh , and while you 're here - if you enjoy reading my blog and all the great giveaways I offer , won 't you please take a moment to vote for A Modern Day Fairy Tale in Circle of Mom 's Top 25 Military Blogs ! ? I can 't offer you any extra entries or incentives , but I would greatly appreciate the support ! ! Simply click the link , and then click ' VOTE ' , no sign ups required . . . can be done once daily until July 4th ! Thanks in advance ! ! Nighttime Snuggles . My little man isn 't usually much of a snuggler during the day . . . he is always much to busy to stop and show mom much love , but every night we cuddle up together until he falls asleep . I treasure those moments more than anything ! Milestones / Accomplishments . As a mom to a child with Autism , I 've learned not to take those little milestones for granted . Every goal reached is one more step to showing the world how absolutely amazing my sweet boy truly is . Something so simple as a , " Mommy , will you play with me ? " might not seem like much to many , but to me , it is EVERYTHING . Hellos . As a military family , we have a lot of goodbyes in our life - deployments , moves , leaving family . . . the goodbyes are the worst , but they also mean that we have hellos . We treasure the time spent with family because we know it can be rare at times . Coming home means so much more . And at the end of those field ops and deployments , we get to experience an amazing homecoming . . . as horrible as deployments can be , homecomings are that much better . My husband 's laugh . Anyone who knows my husband , knows his laugh . It 's loud and distinct . . . to be honest , he gets made fun of for it , but I absolutely love it . It 's infectious . . . he even finds himself cracking up over it . It also shows his amazing sense of humor , one of the things I love most about him - his ability to make me laugh . Our sweet Shaun seems to have the same laugh , and I adore them both . Being called Mommy . Truly , there is nothing better . I love hearing my sweet Shaun call me mommy , and look forward to the same with his baby sister Finley . Home . Honestly , there really is no place like it . I live for those visits home - to both my family and to my husband 's . Being away from family , we learn to value that time together even more . Conversations with Shaun . Again , something that some may take for granted is something that means the world to us . It wasn 't long ago at all that our conversations , though still a work in progress now , were a far off reality . We may have the same conversation about the same trains over and over and over again . . . but I am happy to be having them . Quality Time . Is there anything better than spending time with those you love ? We don 't have to be doing anything exciting , I just enjoy doing things together . Capturing Moments . Anyone who knows me , knows that when I 'm with my loved ones - the camera is usually out ! I love capturing those moments and looking back , remember the great memories that were made . I love yous . From my husband , from my son , from my friends and family . . . I am a firm believer that you can never say I love you too much ! Each morning begins with an ' I love you ' , and we end our nights the same . In just a little over a month - on August 4th , my sweet boy will be turning SIX YEARS OLD ! ! It seems as though we were JUST celebrating his first birthday ! Where does the time go ! ? As his big day draws closer , he is hard at work on his birthday list ! Mostly , it 's all about Thomas again this year . . . as it has been most years . Last year , he asked for more of a variety . . . and most of those toys have been played with just once or twice ! So back to Thomas it is , at least we know it 's one thing he consistently loves and plays ! ! In fact , when asked which Thomas toys were on his list this year , his response , " All the Thomas toys . Every Thomas toy . All of them . " Way to make it easy kiddo ! Here is a small look at Shaun 's birthday wishlist this year : Mighty Eagle PlushApparently , his Angry Birds plush collection is not quite complete without the Mighty Eagle ! It 's not among his top choices ( thankfully , $ 100 for a plush ! ? ) , but he 's certainly mentioned it . He also has his eyes on a few other Angry Birds toys and games . Nothing in particular that he 's mentioned yet though . Despicable Me Fart BlasterAnother one of the few non - Thomas items that made the list . . . this one a big one ! My little guy is such a boy and thinks fart jokes are the greatest . . . so naturally , he ADORES this Despicable Me Fart Blaster toy ! ! Toys R Us has a version that releases a banana scent , but for $ 15 cheaper , Target has a similar version with no smell , just sounds . . . and Shaun is perfectly happy with that . He thinks this is the funniest toy EVER ! I think it will definitely be making its way to his toy boxes ! ! He 's mentioned a few other Despicable Me 2 toys he 'd like - mostly the talking minions , but not sure if we 'll actually get any of those or not ! Thomas ' Treasure Hunt AdventureLittle does Shaun know , this particular play set is already in the trunk of our car . . . an awesome clearance find at Target . . . we paid just $ 4 . 60 out of pocket after the clearance prices and a gift card I 'd had . Of course , this is just one of the many play sets he wants . . . both Trackmaster and Takealong ! And a few wooden as well ! Bachmann TrainsAnother huge one on his list - Bachmann trains ! This particular play set is available at a local train collectors store , so it 's among the top of his list , but he 's also mentioned Spencer and truly would be happy with any . He has been asking for Bachmann trains for a few years now , and we 've continued to put it off and tell him when he 's older / bigger . . . he believes that he is old enough NOW ! Mommy and Daddy aren 't 100 % sure . These are more collectible than play with type toys , and we know our boy will want to play with them . At this point , we 're thinking if we decide to get him one , we 'll just get a small train and skip the track set , and get some type of display to put it on so he knows it 's not to be played with . . . personally , we think his birthday money is much better spent on toys that he will actually enjoy playing with ! ! Spin & Fix ThomasThis toy is going to be the cause of a lot of heartbreak this birthday I 'm afraid . It 's his absolute number one choice , and he 's convinced he 's going to get it , even though we 've tried to tell him otherwise . He is OBSESSED with this toy and has been for months . The problem ? It 's no longer being made , and very rare . . . so rare that it 's going on ebay for $ 400 new , and still around $ 200 for the USED version ! ! Unfortunately , that 's just not in our budget . I 've been hunting for months , hoping to find a steal , but unfortunately , no such luck so far . I 've even contacted the company to see if they might be of assistance . . . again , no luck there ! I can only hope he loves everything else enough that he 's not horribly disappointed ! We shall see what happens ! He has also expressed the desire to share his birthday party / birthday with his baby sister . Since I will be full term the day before his birthday - the day of his party - this isn 't entirely out of the question . However , I don 't think he realizes that sharing his special day this year means he has to share it every other year as well ! ! If you 've been following my blog long , you know that my little man is a HUGE Thomas the Tank Engine fan . Truly , a train fan in general , but Thomas is certainly his number one . His bedroom is all about Thomas , he has tubs and tubs full of tracks of all kinds , he knows all about each of the engines and everything on the Island of Sodor . It was Thomas that helped him learn his colors and numbers , and aided in his communication skills . For the longest time , it was the absolute only thing he would play with ! For 4 years this obsession has continued , and this weekend for the very first time , his dream finally came true and he was able to see Thomas in real life at Day Out With Thomas ! ! For those unfamilar with the event , Day Out With Thomas is a nationwide event where Thomas visits various railroads across the US ! Though we 'd heard of the event in previous years , it either never worked out with our scheduling or there were no events near us . So when I received an e - mail from US Family Guide offering us free passes for our family for sharing the event , needless to say we jumped at the chance , and my little man had been impatiently waiting ever since ! We attended the event in Connorsville , IN at the Whitewater Valley Railway , just a little over an hour away from our house . It was well worth the drive . . . and the wait ! When we arrived , Shaun was given a wristband which would get him into all the little stations and our tickets for the train ride . We were also given an activity sheet to get stamps at each station . After receiving all four stamps , you could turn this in for a special treat . ( Not to kill the surprise , but it was a little sticker activity set . . . nothing fancy , but Thomas fans will love it ! ) The four stations we needed to visit were the Imagination Station , Gift Shop , Story - Telling and Pictures with Sir Topham Hatt . First on Shaun 's must do list was the Imagination Station ! This was a fun area where they had train tables set up - both wooden and Trackmaster , as well as Thomas themed Mega Blocks stations and tattoos ! There was also a table set up with rubber Thomas stamps and paper , as well as a few non Thomas related activities like a little fishing game . Shaun went straight to the train tables ! Throughout the day , as we waited for the other events at their scheduled times , this was his go to place . He loved getting a Diesel 10 tattoo , his favorite diesel engine ! ! When we asked him at the end of the day what his favorite part of the day was , he said it was playing the Trackmaster trains ! ( Funny , since there was only one , maybe two sets he didn 't have himself at home ! ! ) He 's easy to please ! Next up on our agenda , the big event for the day - riding on Thomas the Tank Engine . . . or rather in his coaches ! ! For a Thomas fan like my little man , this is a dream come true . Though he has been on several train rides before - even traveling from LA to Chicago - nothing beats the experience of riding Thomas ! We got to the boarding area a bit early to make sure we were among the first on the train . We were lucky enough to be seated on the first coach , right behind Thomas ! ! The train ride was about 25 minutes or so - first going backwards ( technically forward , since Thomas was really at the end of the train and not actually pulling it ) , and then going reverse on the same track . . . still none of the kids seemed to mind , Shaun included ! There was actually a soap box derby going on the same day that we passed on the train , which was pretty neat to see too . . . and Shaun personally enjoyed seeing all the old trains outside the windows and waving to cars announcing he was riding Thomas as we passed . He was also given a certificate declaring him a Jr Engineer , which we will proudly hang in his bedroom ! ! Despite the summer heat , it was a great ride ! Waiting to board . The conductors asked if he 'd like to drive the train , since he was dressed the part ! ( An outfit he chose himself . Unfortunately , he 'd outgrown most of his Thomas clothing ! ) After the ride was over , we went to have his picture taken with Thomas . He was thrilled ! They have photographers there taking pictures that you can order through them , but they also allow you to take your own , which is wonderful if you 're on a budget ! I didn 't think to check the prices on their options , but again there is no obligation to buy any regardless . Next up , we checked out the gift shop . . . again , it was Shaun heaven ! Everything Thomas . . . with a few other general train goodies packed in . Some of the prices were a bit high , but there were still certainly souvenirs available for all price ranges . . . picture frames , t - shirts , toys , books . . . a little bit of everything . I will say if you plan to buy your little one something specific to Day Out With Thomas , you may want to get there early . We actually made a few trips there - this first time to check it out , and then went back before we left to actually choose something . I 'd originally planned to get him the Day Out With Thomas 2013 wooden train , but by the time we returned the once full rack had been cleared ! Still , he walked away at the end of the day with a few small souvenirs - a new t - shirt , watch and flag to hang on his bedroom wall . He wanted as toy as well , of course , but since he had most of the Trackmaster already and they were a bit pricier ( though truly not much ) , we opted to take him to Toys R Us where he 'd have more options he didn 't already own ! ! After the gift shop , we headed to meet Sir Topham Hatt . . . this was the other highlight of Shaun 's day ! I truly think he was more excited about meeting him than seeing Thomas ! He greeted him with a huge smile and a hug . . . so sweet ! ! Again , pictures were taken here by their photographers as well , with the option to buy or take your own . We stopped by the Story - Telling area long enough to get our stamp , but despite his love of Thomas , he doesn 't have the patience to sit calmly that long . . . nor did he like the crowd in that smaller space . Still , most of the other kids seemed to enjoy this as well . Likewise , there was a magic show going on that seemed to be a hit for most , but Shaun couldn 't handle personally . There were also other small activities set up throughout the event . I 'm sure these may vary by area , but at our local event that included riding a hand cart , a small golf area , a little mini train ride , and of course there were food trucks set up in case you got hungry ! ! Overall , it was an amazing experience for my little man ! He said it was the BEST DAY EVER ! Better than birthdays or Christmas . . . even better than our Amtrak cross country ride ! If you have a little one who loves Thomas , this event is a MUST ! Shaun is already looking forward to going back next year with baby sister ! Disclosure : We received free passes to this event from US Family Guide in exchange for spreading the word about this event . However , all opinions expressed are 100 % my own ( and Shaun 's too ) ! Your experiences may vary . Miss anything ? Being able to get comfortable . Being able to do more with my little man . Not being worn out all the time . . . we 're nearing the end anyway though ! ! Movement : All . The . Time . She 's a crazy mover ! ! Food cravings : Still ice . And pickles . Food aversions : Still most drinks . . . I 've had the occasional Sprite that hasn 't bothered me TOO much , but can 't stomach the thought of anything but water for the most part . Gender : GIRLLabor signs : Still having some contractions . Dilated a fingertip as of my appointment Thursday ( my doctor assures me this is completely normal with a second baby though ) . I did have some bouts of horrible lower back pain that had me worried for a bit , but loading up on more water and resting seemed to make it go away . . . Sleep : Not going so well . . . I miss it ! Symptoms : Back pain . Contractions . Swelling . Heartburn ( which has gotten pretty bad over the past few days . . . one of the reasons I 'm not sleeping well ! ) . Anemia ( doctor put me on an iron supplement so hopefully this helps ! ) . General exhaustion . Forgetfulness ( I actually forgot how to get to hubby 's office to pick him up after my appointment Thursday . . . I made it thankfully , but I was praying the entire time that I was going in the right direction ! ! ) . I was also dehydrated at my last appointment , but I think this was just a fluke - I 'm normally very good about drinking a TON of water , but we 'd been running like crazy all day and I 'd only had a bottle or two before my appointment . Belly button in or out ? Out - ish . . . More flat than anything really , but some days out ! Looking forward to ? Baby shower ( just a few weeks away ! ) . Finishing up the nursery . Our next ultrasound ( nothing scheduled yet , but hopefully soon ) . Meeting our baby girl ( though despite my body being ready to be done , my mind is not quite there yet - so still , no rush on that one ! ) When it comes to preparing for baby , shopping for baby gear can become a little overwhelming ! Swings , highchairs , bouncers , nappers , bassinets . . . there is so much to choose from . Each seems to have their own specific purpose , and many of them seem to have a limited time span when it comes to baby 's age ! It 's enough to make any new parent 's head spin trying to figure out what is truly needed and which is the best option . Today , I am excited to share with you a wonderful product that could take away some of that indecision : the Tiny Love 3 - in - 1 Rocker Napper . Tiny Love was generous enough to send me the Rocker Napper in the new Flow design to bring you this review . Grows with your baby as a toddler rocker that can hold up to 40 poundsSo , what sets the 3 - in - 1 Rocker Napper apart from other baby products on the market ? For me , it 's all about the versatility ! ! As I said before , there are a TON of various baby products on the market . You have bassinets and simple nappers for sleep time . . . then you have swings and bouncers , etc for play . Not only do all these products add up in cost , but they take up a ton of room as well . The 3 - in - 1 Rocker Napper eliminates some of the need for multiple products ! With it 's three reclining positions , it is perfect for sleep OR play . The second reclining position is also the perfect position to feed babies suffering from reflux to aid in digestion . It also changes between the positions extremely easily . . . even while baby is still in it ! So if baby falls asleep playing , as babies so often do . . . there is no need to worry about moving them , simply recline to napper position . So instead of having to purchase one product for sleep , and another for play . . . the Rocker Napper covers them both , all in one product - saving you space and money ! Aside from taking up space and money , these other products also often cannot be used for very long . Typical bassinets , nappers , and even bouncers only go up to about 25 pounds . After baby is too big , there is no more use for the product . This is not the case with the 3 - in - 1 Rocker Napper . Instead , it grows WITH the child , and can be used as a toddler seat for children up to 40 pounds - giving you more use for your money ! This is a huge selling point for me personally . Aside from the versatility , the 3 - in - 1 Rocker Napper has some other great features that make it pretty awesome . First of all , it features a vibrating function to gently soothe baby as well as a music and lights feature as well . These two features can be used together or individually , or not at all . I particularly loved that the music feature had various styles of music - from more playful to relaxing , depending on the setting you choose . My older son has sensory issues and cannot tolerate lullabies for whatever reason , so I like that we can still use the music feature without it scaring him . There are also two sound options too choose from - neither too loud , so baby can still enjoy that without disturbing the rest of the family . The lights and toys from the mobile are also nice and colorful and I 'm certain will keep baby entertained ! ( The mobile can also be removed . ) Now , that you know all about the various features , let 's talk style ! To be honest , it was the original brown and red options that first attracted me to the Rocker Napper . I loved that they would both coordinate with my living room , while still being a great place for baby to rest and play . When I first saw the new design choices , I wasn 't sure how I felt about them . . . they were cute enough , of course , but not nearly as subtle as the original . I have to say though , after seeing the new Flow design in person , I am 100 % completely won over . I truly don 't think they photos do this justice . . . it 's so bright , fun and modern . . . so it doesn 't match my living room , but hey , baby will love it anyway ! ! And the toys on the mobile are much cuter than the original design as well . ( Of course , all are still available for purchase , if you do prefer that look ! ) And of course , quality is everything , and the Tiny Love 3 - in - 1 Rocker Napper is great quality . . . and super soft for baby ! I honestly can 't believe I ever had doubts after seeing it in person ! As busy parents , setup is another big factor to look at . While the Rocker Napper does require adult assembly , it was super easy and fairly quick . The directions were easy to follow and I was able to do it myself without any help from the husband ! ( And I swear , it 's still safe for baby ! ) I 'd say it took me about 15 - 20 minutes to sort the pieces and assemble . Not too time consuming at all , and much easier than some of the other baby gear I 've been putting together lately ! Overall , I am completely in love with our 3 - in - 1 Rocker Napper ! It 's cute , it 's multi - functional . . . it doesn 't take up too much space and can be moved easily from room to room . . . I 'm a mommy who likes to have baby close by so this is great too ! Though our little one isn 't yet here to try it out for herself , I am certain she will love it ! I know Mommy does ! ! I wish I had had a product like this when my son was a baby . I actually would go as far as to say that I would put this on my must have list for new parents . Skip the bouncer , skip the napper , skip the moses basket . . . this product has you covered all around ! And if you 're on an extremely limited budget , I 'd say you could probably even use this in place of a bassinet for those early days ! It truly is one of the most multi - functional baby products on the market ! When it comes to adding a new baby into the family , I have always heard jealousy of the new sibling is extremely common ! Having been an only child for 6 years before baby sister arrives , I can certainly see how this would be true for Shaun as well . For his entire life , he has had Mommy all to himself , and quite frankly , he is quite the mommy 's boy ! While I 'm not 100 % sure we can avoid the new sibling jealousy altogether , we have been taking steps to try to lessen it anyway . . . Don 't blame baby . I think this is perhaps the biggest thing we 've been trying to do . During my pregnancy I have unfortunately not been able to physically do as much with Shaun - carrying him around , chasing him , etc . . . and while I think he does understand to an extent that this is because of baby , I do my best not to actually come out and say so directly . Instead I try to come up with an alternate option that I can do . . . snuggling up and reading a book , having a picnic , watching a movie . . . something fun that he enjoys ! Once Finley arrives , I know I will be spending a lot of time taking care of her , particularly nursing ! This will be a challenge for us I am sure , learning to juggle both my babies who require so much attention , but my hope is that through baby wearing I can become an expert multitasker ! Regardless , I will do my best not to place fault on baby sister for taking Mommy 's attention away ! Talk up the big brother role . Another biggie we 've been working on throughout . . . telling Shaun how exciting it will be to be a big brother and all the cool things that big brothers get to do that baby sisters don 't - like playing the iPad or video games , or getting big boy toys . This seems to be helping a lot already , he 's beyond excited to be a big brother and doing big boy things ! Keep him involved . I will talk more in depth about this in a later post , but for now I 'll just say that we try to involve Shaun in all things baby . . . Mommy isn 't the one going out and shopping for new things for baby , Shaun is helping - allowing him to make decisions like her middle name or her nursery theme . He is involved in doctor 's appointments , and has been to each and every ultrasound . . . he 's even made videos of baby 's heartbeat at the appointments - mixing his love of making videos with the excitement of baby sister . He is learning how to take care of a baby sister , and again playing up the role of big brother as being Mommy 's big helper . The goal is that he sees that we are not replacing him or trying to take our attention away from him , but rather this is all about him as the big brother as well . The big brother gift . Babies get a LOT of gifts , from the shower to the hospital . . . it 's unavoidable . Even now , as we prepare for baby - new baby things are being brought into the house constantly . . . and we just cannot afford to buy big brother new things all the time too ! So far , this doesn 't seem to bother him at all . . . in fact , it seems like he loves checking out all the new baby gear ( and testing everything out on his baby sister practice doll ) , but I know at the hospital when all the attention is on baby sister , this could most certainly change . So we are planning an awesome gift , just for big brother . So far I 'm not yet 100 % what all this will include - for sure a big brother tote bag and matching big bro / lil sis shirts , but I intend to add some fun things as well . . . perhaps a Thomas camera and roll of film ? A new train ? Whatever it ends up being , we want to make sure he has a super special gift on the big day too ! Another great yard sale weekend ! We actually got a head start on Friday . . . I had the car for a doctor 's appointment that ended up getting cancelled ( after I actually got there ! ugh ! ) so we decided to take advantage and hit up some yard sales . This time we mostly stuck with larger sizes - 3 - 6 months and 6 - 9 months , though I 'll admit we found a few smaller sizes that we just couldn 't resist either ! And two Disney princess onesies ! ! Needless to say , our baby girl will be very well dressed . . . without us going broke ! And once the slingshot is built , it 's time to call for the birds . . . oh yes , he was ready to play real life Angry Birds ! Unfortunately , the birds would not come to him . ( Though surprisingly so , our birds are suicidal here ! I can 't tell you how many times a day they slam right into our windows . . . I can 't even claim that it 's because my windows are super clean either . . . I have a five year old after all ! ) Our car seat arrived last week . Have you seen the new Inertia car seat from Baby Trend ? It 's pretty awesome ! I love it ! Shaun , as he does with all new baby gear that comes in , had to test it out with his baby sister practice doll - ' Finley plush ' . It gets his approval as well ! ! ( There was one day last week that he actually insisted that we take Finley plush to Target with us IN the car seat . . . I was able to convince him to carry the doll in without the seat at least . . . what a good big brother he 's going to be ! ) How fun is this nail polish ? The color is called , ' Still Rockin My Pink Bikini ' . This came in a super awesome BumpBundle . . . that I 'll be reviewing within the next few weeks ! I put together our Tiny Love 3 - in - 1 Rocker Napper this week as well . . . how cute is this new print ! ? There will be a review and giveaway coming next week for this as well ! Stay tuned ! ! Psst , in case you hadn 't heard - the voting for the Top 25 Military Mom blogs 2013 is happening NOW until July 4 , and A Modern Day Fairy Tale has once again been nominated ! If you enjoy my blog , I 'd truly appreciate any votes you can send my way ! There is nothing to sign up for . . . just click this link and hit vote ! Super easy ! And can be done daily ! Thanks so much ! !
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The test didn 't show any issues , so she forgot about it , until seven months later , when the newlyweds hopped a plane to San Francisco . On the return layover , Kate exited the plane , felt dizzy , and passed out in the terminal . The alarmed couple rented a car and drove back home to North Carolina , where she saw a doctor again . He chalked it up to dehydration . Then Kate started experiencing something new on her daily five - mile walks : " I was kind of short of breath . Since it was my first summer in North Carolina , I thought it was allergies or maybe that I was out of shape - so I would go extra hard on the elliptical machine . " She didn 't share her symptom with anyone and soon became preoccupied with packing for a family trip to Alaska and Seattle . Mid - flight , she got up to use the bathroom and collapsed in the middle of the aisle . A group of firemen on board gave her oxygen , and upon landing , an ambulance whisked her to an Atlanta ER where she was diagnosed with dehydration and vasovagal reaction ( a fainting episode ) . She immediately flew back to North Carolina and scheduled an urgent doctor visit . As she prepped for her appointment , she collapsed again after climbing the stairs . Luckily for Kate , a mother 's instinct was on her side . Her mom ( a nurse ) suggested that a blood clot might explain Kate 's mystery malady . Her doctor ordered a V - Q scan ( a specialized lung test ) , and found multiple PEs in both lungs . Kate - a healthy young woman whose only risk factors were a series of flights longer than five hours and the daily birth control pill she popped - was in danger of having a heart attack . And , give yourself a break already . " Women tend to beat themselves up about losing weight , " she says . " But , if you 're short of breath , it may not mean you 're out of shape . Know the signs and symptoms - you are your own best advocate . " Those warnings you see in the back of airline magazines ? They do warrant a few seconds of your attention . " Individuals who undertake long distance air travel ( greater than five hours ) and are relatively immobile have a slightly greater chance of developing a clot , " says Ansell . And , the possibility of travel - related DVT is amplified somewhat with pre - existing factors ( like taking estrogen - containing birth control , pregnancy , or obesity ) - however , it 's important to note that the overall risk of clotting with air travel still remains small . Even so , if you 're traveling internationally or cross - country , it 's imperative to get out of your seat every hour and move . " Get in the habit of fidgeting when you 're sitting , " says Ansell . Point your toes downward and upward , make circles , and heck , even try spelling out the alphabet . The key is to keep the blood flowing . Varci Vartanian is a jack ( er , Jill ) of all trades . After a successful career in healthcare , she traded her lab coat for her current position as chief temper tantrum tamer / play date consultant for her two - year - old . She also enjoys writing short stories , freelance magazine work , and carbohydrates . what to Know I have a blood clot in my lung One night had a cramp in my left side went to bed could not turn over or sit up yelled got help jerked me up and we went to Hospital ones there i got terrible pain my heart stopped four times after many a test like m r i scan , s and more they found a blood cloth in my left lung I am now on warfarin for the rest of my life going to labb some times 3x a week I would like to know how or when does that blood clot dessolves or leave the lung ? I have heard that often they might brake in to small pieces and make more clot , s so far Doctors have been unable to identify where the blood clot , s came from ; however my left foot , ankle and leg below the knee are swollen specially my ffot right leg is fine Can you tell me more ? How can the clot in my long dissapear ? There is a chance that you really do not want that blood clot in your lungs to break up into smaller particles . There are the unfortunate chances that they can go to the heart or brain . Either way , it is by far worse than what you have . Right now , if there is no change , there is nothing to be concerned about . At least not excessively for the time being . No change is good change . If there is a change , get to the doctor , immediately ! Do not pass go and do not worry about that $ 200 , as in Monopoly game . I 've had numerous DVTs and P Es I finally was diagnosed with APS . I threw the clots to both lungs after a very active day riding horses . I am not overweight So please beware it does not necessarily happen when you are sedentary . I went to bed on a Friday woke up in the hospital on a Tuesday . My family could ' nt wake me up , that episode was a PE one in each lung After 3episodes of PEs and 4 episodes of DVTs the only thing I can say is you just never know … . This is not uncommon in young people . My daughter who was 23 at the time had a blood clot in her leg that traveled to her lungs . I know of another young lady and man that both died from blood clots ! There are symptoms and i believe that should be a standard testing for blood clots when you present with certain symptoms . Shortness of breath , pain in the chest or pain in the lower limbs . We had to wait in the waiting room of the ER after her doctor told us to go there because she may have a PE , then we had to wait 15 min ! ! They told us our daughter was a ticking time bomb it could have been 2 hours or 24 hours but she would have died right on the spot and there was nothing we could do about it ! More research and better screening has to be done . I am currently 21 years old . I got pregnant when I was 19 . At the last month of my pregnancy , I started noticing swelling and pain in my left leg . It began to get worse over time . I went to my Obgyn and he claimed it was only a pinched nerve . He said there wasn 't anything the hospital could do for me with a pinched nerve being pregnant . 3 days passed and my leg was so bad that my fiance had to carry me places and help me take baths . Finally , I had enough . My fiance and I went to the hospital . They did and ultrasound on my leg and found a golf ball size blood clot in my groin area on my main vein . They immediately admitted me to the hospital . Of course , my obgyn had traveled to Italy 2 days prior . After careful thought and conversations , they decided to do natural birth . After delivering my daughter , I was immediately put on Coumadin and Lovinox shots . After six months of the blood thinners , I was taken off for 3 weeks . I was to return to his to check my PT / INR levels as well as run about 9 or 10 blood tests . These tests were to see if it was something hereditary or if the pregnancy caused it . Finally , I went back to see the doctor after he got the results . I was diagnosed with Leiden Factor 5 . It is a hereditary disease that I had contracted . I am now currently having to take blood thinners for the rest of my life . I am one of the youngest people in Middle Ga to have contracted a blood clot at such a young age ! I actually developed at DVT blood clot in my left leg at the age of 19 as well ! It is crazy how people think this can 't happen at a young age ! Hope you are doing well , stay strong ! Great article - awareness is definitely the key ! So many people are unaware that DVTs and PEs can come at any point in life and to anybody . I had 13 clots in both lungs in May 2012 with no major risk factor and have suffered another clot in my right lung 8 weeks ago . I am now on life long anti coagulants . They have done lots of tests for blood disorders all negative . More research definitely has to be done to provide more answers . The doctor said if i hadnt have gone in when i did the first time round I would of 100 % died in 7 days because the main clot was nearly completely blocking the blood flow to my heart . Thank you so much for this article highlighting the dangers posed by blood clots and what every woman needs to know about them . This risk increases significantly for pregnant women . " For pregnant women , the risks of VTE is 4 - 5 times higher than women who are not pregnant , " says Dr . Andra James ( Professor of Obstetrics & Gynecology , Division of Maternal Fetal Medicine , University of Virginia School of Medicine ) . " Moreover , this risk is at least twice as much following cesarean delivery . " For more on this and the safety checklist that is being developed for women following cesarean and vaginal delivery , please see http : / / ppahs . org / 2013 / 05 / 02 / preventing - death - following - cesarean - delivery / Read this article … great info . Like others who have shared their stories , I have had issues with blood clots also . I got my first blood clot when I was 29 . I was diagnosed with DVT after dealing with a horrible pain in my right calf for about 4 months . The first time my doctor ordered a scan and they found nothing . Two months later I went into the ER because I couldn 't sleep through the night anymore and I couldn 't even stand at my sink and wash dishes . I had to rest it on a chair . So this time , they found a blood clot . I spent 3 days in the hospital and they told me the only way I could be released was if I was willing to have someone inject me or inject myself with lovenox . Anyway , my doctor couldn 't understand why at my age I was getting blood clots . He had me see a hematologist and they ordered all kinds of blood tests . I was tested for this gene mutation called MTHFR which I tested positive for . Basically , I have this genetic mutation which causes my blood to be too thick so I 'll be on blood thinners for life . Just last year I got another clot … . same spot . I had moved out of state and had to change doctors and get back on my warfarin sodium . So , now my new doc says I cannot stop taking my blood thinners or I 'll clot again … . scary stuff and its nothing to mess around with . I 'm lucky that my situation wasn 't worse . Ana … . I have the mthfr mutation as well so that makes me think that it is related to our clotting issues . I have also had many clotting problems and pulmonary embolisms . Just wanted to share that in my opinion the gene mutation matters . I have the c677t which is the more severe of the 2 types . The other being the 1298 ! I doubt anyone sees this but i also had a d - dimer ran today because when they did an ultrasound , it should scarring in my leg vein exactly where im having pain . Meaning they think i HAD a clot but its not there anymore . My d / dimer came back negative . . shouldnt they have done extra testing just to be safe ? ? ! I feel so helpless because they seem to not care but the pain im in is as close to childbirth pain i can get ! Ive had 2 babies by the way ! 8Lps and a 9 pounder ! someone with experience in this or going thru the same please email me at lilbritt5467 @ yahoo . com ! ! I too was diagnosed with DVT at 40 years old . I had started the week with a pain in my upper thigh . I chalked it up to a pulled muscle . My coworker even joked that I may have a blood clot and I laughed it off . The second day it was getting worse and felt warm . I tried to call a family dr and was told just go to the ER as they wouldn 't see me for those symptoms . My husband looked at the area when he came home from work and was shocked to find what he said felt like a pencil inside my thigh . Even at the hospital they first wanted to say it was probably just superficial . That is until the ultrasound tech found otherwise . I went home and had to have my husband inject me twice a day with lovenox , and was on warfarin . A specialist then switched me to xarelto and discovered that I had factor v Leiden , as well as I am also protein s deficient . I will now be on thinners for te rest of my life . The good news is my 23 year old daughter has now been tested and was positive for both , but this could have been life threatening for her as she was on birth control . My niece also has been diagnosed and has now been able to have her first child after two miscarriages . We were unaware this ran in our family , or that it can cause miscarriages . Please learn the symptoms . A few weeks ago I was hospitalized for acute PE caused by a massive blood clot in my leg after foot surgery . I am only 23 and healthy . It can happen to anyone , really . Yes , the surgery is what they suspect caused the blood clot , but please don 't ignore the symptoms even if you 're " not at risk " . I ignored them for days and was told I was very , very lucky I came to the hospital when I did . I had a very sore feeling in my leg that was unlike the pain I had while healing ( obviously surgery hurts , but this was a new , dull pain that felt like a muscle pull ) . I started becoming short of breath and felt like I was beginning to get bronchitis when breathing . Then , the muscle pain in my chest and back started . It was painful to lay down or breathe because my muscles felt torn and even spasmed on me a few times . The muscle pain got worse ( I was told it was lack of oxygen to my muscles causing this pain - it is like pulled muscles but very intense and for really no reason . This is when I should have gone to the hospital ) . Then , I got up to go to the bathroom a day later and my heart started pounding . I couldn 't breathe . I should have gone then but thought I was having a panic attack from the pain in my muscles . Even relaxing and taking deep breaths my heart rate would not go down . I finally went to the hospital with a heart rate of 160 and an oxygen count of 83 . I was hospitalized for 5 days . Do not be me . Do not be stupid . If you are having unusual pain in your leg that moves to your chest , intense muscle pain accompanied by shortness of breath , go to the ER . They knew exactly what was up and rushed me back immediately . I very , very likely could have died . I 'm lucky I 'm young and my heart could handle it . I was told the blood clots were like " buckshot " to my lungs . I am now on blood thinners and have a normal expectancy of life , but please don 't risk it . Thanks for posting this . I 've had leg and thigh pain the last two weeks , I 've had a history of clots before , and last night I could not lie down , my left chest was hurting like a dull pressure which turned into pain . I was afraid to go to sleep , I felt nauseous and short of breath , I basically sat up for 6 hours waiting for the pain to go away . I thought maybe it was gas . I feel tired and drained right now , and I was not going to go to the hospital , but after reading this , I think I will go to the clinic . Thanks for writing this in a way that I couldn 't ignore . I 'm 46 and suspected I had a DVT when I developed pain in my calf a few days after surgery . It was confirmed yesterday by ultrasound . If anyone else has just been diagnosed with DVT and has been told little more than , " You have a blood clot . You might die . I 'll call in some blood thinners to your pharmacy , " I recommend watching the patient webinar ClotConnect on YouTube . Don 't skip to part 3 or 4 - after the first two or three screens of stuff you probably already know , the thing is packed with info and answers to your most specific questions , including some you didn 't know you had . For example , I was relieved to hear that calf DVTs are less dangerous than thigh DVTs ( still dangerous , but less so ) . Here 's another example : It hadn 't occurred to me not to fly . The presenter recommends not flying for 4 weeks after diagnosis , until the heparin / warfarin has time to do its work , but admits it 's still unclear whether flying with a DVT increases the risk of dislodging a clot . Anyway , I hope the info in the webinar is as helpful to someone else as it has been to me . Melissa , you can see the most up - to - date information from the video of our live 4 hour workshop , Stop The Clot Forum that was held this past November in Boston . It answers all of your questions and one of the speakers is Andra James , an international expert who spoke on Women and Blood Clots . You can watch it here https : / / www . stoptheclot . org / news / stop - the - clot - forum - boston - 2013 . htm by lack of clots in the legs and therefore of the genesis of the clots in the heart . I have suffered form UC for 30 years and it was active last fall with bleeding . they believe the clotting began there . Shortness of breath was my only symptom and like others I first thought I was just out of shape . Until one day I walked up a small hill near my home and had to gasp for air as I reached the top . After a week on heparin I developed HIT - which is why I am still in the hospital with a right leg now filled with clots . . Four months ago I hurt my knee really bad for a second time and I noticed that after those months the bruises on my knee are still there . I developed a pain on my thigh . I fear that I may have had a dvt on that thigh and that it has spread causing pain my body but only on the veins . I also had the same " muscle cramp " pain as Kate but on that upper thigh on the same leg I hurt my knee . My mother massaged it and it hurt a lot the pain still stayed and traveled to my calf and I started getting bruises which haven 't gone away to this day . this has been a month and the symptoms just worsen . It feels like a pinching / throbbing on certain parts of my arms and legs now . My veins are very visible and my body is tender . I have many bruises on my legs and arms and I have occasional pain on the right inside of my rib cage and sharp pain on the left of my chest ( it feels like sharp stabs at my heart ) . I have also noticed that I have shortness of breath and odd pain on the right side of my head ( like pulsing almost like a migrane but last for a short while ) I have been having the headaches and heart pain constantly . I went to see my doctor but all he did was give me pain killers that just didn 't work . I did a blood test ( that was extremely painful afterwards that caused the pain I have now on my arms ) and I came out perfectly fine the doctor doesn 't seem concerned and tells me that it may be a cause of stress but my body has never reacted this way . He told me to wait another to week to see if the pain persists . I feel like something is severely wrong and I 'm very afraid . The symptoms just get worse along with the pain as time passes . I 'm only 19 years old and I understand that its not common for someone of my age to get a blood clot and I might be over exaggerating but this is not normal . I 'm tired of feeling like I 'm a nut case with my doctor and him not putting importance in my symptoms . I don 't know if I should go to the ER , I feel like they might tell me the same thing as my doctor . I am so happy to have found this site ! Ayla , I have all the symptoms u said u had … the pinching n throbbing in my hands and legs also n my face is tingling on n off … I have pain in right side of my head like I 've never had before … both of my feet and ankles are very painful n swollen … pain on back shoulder blade n travels to front of my chest … I 've went to 2 different emergency rooms over the past 2 nights n NOTHING ! ! First night only did ultrasound which was negative … second night had chest xray n blood test n still NOTHING ! ! ! I am losing my mind … I 'm so frustrated n confused . Also my veins are very noticeable and enlarged n very very sensitive … everytime one becomes very visible I feel it . you should get an ultra sound . No pain , and that tells you right away if you have one or not . Sure , go to ER . It 's worth the peace of mind . You can not stop . You need to keep taking call your doctor and tell him your problem . You may be able to change medication . You are playing with fire and you will lose . Your doctor may be able to petition your insurance company on your behalf to try to obtain a different medication , and also with more affordable pricing if the others are very high priced . It 's an appeal , and should take 30 days or less to have the doc 's request reviewed and receive a response from the insurance co . It can be worth trying , and is sometimes successful for getting the drug one needs as well as different pricing than one 's drug formulary indicates . Good luck . I know this is an older post , but thought I 'd still reply . Definitely , you need to continue on medication for this problem . Go back to your doc , please , and explain your issues with it . My left calf muscle and leg is much bigger than my right . This happened years ago when I developed a massive ulcer in my calf muscle which over a year to heal and in the end , they thought it was caused by a white tip spider . But then , because of the obvious swelling of my left leg and my left calf in particular I was sent to a vascular surgery place where they could see my veins were not pushing my blood properly so they stripped some veins in my leg . That however , made my leg even more bigger and then no doctor could work out why so they put it down to lymphodema and then that was that . I 'm 24 and healthy and . And my leg and calf is swollen . I 'm laying in bed now reading this because my left calf is experiencing a weird pain inside , that I 've never felt . It 's only when I move it around . When it 's resting I don 't feel it as much . I 've been in and out of specialist and doctors since 2008 trying to figure my leg out . Should I go to the ER and explain this or will I get turned away ? Im a 39 year female , who just happens to be in the hospital from bloodclots being in both lungs . I 've also got them behind my left knee cap . Yes im scared . . of dieing … . I want them to go away . Will they ? Will i be ok ? Im taking blood thinners I am 53 female , I have been getting a lot of cramp in my right calf at night and sometimes in my thigh and i get short of breath when i get up to use the bathroom and now my thigh and calf feel bruised when i walk and i do tend to sit on my leg most of the time … Please can any one help . many thanks Julie In 2004 I was 42 and woke up with a purple left arm . The short story . Was a clot in my biracial and another in my biracial / jugular . I am pretty stable on 5 mg warfarin . Recently I have been fluctuating and tonight my mid thigh pain woke me up . Dropped blood today for protime cause my neck has been hurting for 3 dayss . Well as I posted on feb 23rd I had stopped taking my blood thinners against my doctors better judgement well since this all started my left side gets weaker and weaker welll come to find out I have had a stroke and didnt know it this clotting thing is really a ugly thing your world changes over nite and it doesnt matter your age its feels like I just need to enjoy life with my kids and grand daughters because at this rate im not promised tommarrow . Each day I wake up and thank my god he allowed me one more day with all my babies . I thank you my god for keeping me in ur covenant …… . I am a 36 y / o single mother of 2 . When I was 28 I was diagnosed with ITP - my spleen was destroying all my platelets quicker than my body could make them . So , after many trial and error attempts to boost my platelets I finally made the decision to have a Splenectomy . Almost immediately after surgery , when I came to I could not breath - felt like an elephant was on my chest . Because my spleen was no longer filtering the platelets my platelet count went from 0 - millions and I had multiple HUGE PE 's . Was kept in hosp for a while on heprin drip , sent home with lovenox and warfarin . Was on thinners for about 6 years when my beloved hema ( Dr . D ) passed away . I was forced to find a new hema who took me off the thinners . He was seeing me every 3 months and doing CBC 's and D - Dimers . Meanwhile I have this heart issue going on - my heart beats waaaaaaaaaay to fast and I found a GREAT heart doctor who was concerned it was a clot causing the rapid heart rate . He did a d - dimer and it came back positive . Did CT Scan and an US of my legs , nothing . Hema said d - dimers are very sensitive and he wasn 't concerned . 18 months later I started a new job , woke up one day and my left ankle was swollen , red and hurt very badly . Went to hema , did another US and nothing , he said it was cellulitus and gave me antibiotics and sent me on my way … that was Friday . Over the weekend the pain in my ankle was beginning to move up my calf and I couldn 't walk . Went to see regular pulmonary doctor who did blood work , turned out to be gout ( which is odd cause I don 't drink alcohol at all ) . He gave me steroids and it eventually got better . As soon as I could walk again I went back to work . Noticed I was out of breath very easily . I 'm overweight , I smoke and I hike but hadn 't in a while since there was 2 ′ of snow ! It became so bad that just going up one flight of stairs and I had to sit down . It took some arm twisting but I got my regular pulmonary doc to set up CT Scan and to everyone 's amazement I had clots in both lungs , one oK . Lisa I was 17 years old when I found out I 'm missing my inferior venae cavae vein and I was told it 's very rare and the only thing I needed to worry about was blood clots and sure enough a few months later I got a blood clot in my thigh . Should I be on blood thinners for the rest of my life ? Or anything besides warfarin ? ( I 'm now 20 years old ) yes never believe a d - dimer test i had a dvt in my right arm in march 2013 and was on 6 months warfarin . Had nothing but problems with my right arm since and my d - dimer is always raised . They send me for scans but doesn 't show a clot . D - dimer can be raised for other reasons not just blood clots . Thank you for writing this article ! I was also given the run around and told I had a pulled muscle . One doctor even told me I was a waste of his time and to get out of his ER ( yes he got into trouble for that ) By the time they found what was wrong I had almost no blood flow in my leg . It was about 99 % blocked off by clots . I had a build up of clots from behind my knee up to my belly button . The day I found out I had my 4 month old baby girl in her baby carrier sitting on the floor sleeping , waiting for mommie . My almost 3 year old was at Grandma 's and the doctor came in and told me to go home , talk to my husband and have everything in order for my kids to be taken care of because they had no idea how I was still alive or if I would make it through the night . I will never , ever forget that day . It has been over a year and I am still having issues . I was told today that I will most likely be on blood thinners the rest of my life because I am to high risk to be taken off of them . Please ladies , if you think you have these symptoms , DO NOT let anyone tell you it 's in your head . Be persistent ! I have a dull pain by my left ankle . It feels a little swelled but not warm or discolored . I feel like I am being paranoid over nothing , but a month and a half ago I flown for the first time and on our way home we ended up being on the plane for a total of 5 to 6 hours due to weather . Then two weeks ago I was in a car accident and was told to watch for clots . I had no clue why I was told that since I only had a concussion and a strained neck and back . I 'm going to the doctor tomorrow to be safe . Could I be worrying over nothing It seems like everyone here is so much younger than me . I am 70 , own my own business ( I am an accountant ) ' I work a full 40 plus hours a week . I know I am overweight , but I am active . I do sit at a desk , but have to get up and walk about every 15 minutes _ don 't sit for extended lengths of time . This past Monday I woke up usual , got out of bed and could 't walk 8 feet to the bathroom . My foot was killing me . Got better as the day went on , but then the next morning it hurt even worse when I got up , but then got better the more I walked on it . By weds morning I couldn 't even touch my foot to the floor , so I went to the doctor . They x - rayed my foot - nothing abnormal . I guess because of my age , they thought I had gout . Then they thought about it and sent me to the ER to check for a clot . They found one and immediately put me on blood thiners . This is Friay and already it is much better . I can 't understand what happened as I have never been sick and am not sedentary at all . My problem is the medicine is extremely expensive . About 800 . 00 a month . Does anyone know if there are other medicines that are cheaper . I have Medicare and a supplement , but neither pays for medicine . Never have needed much medicine , so never got coverage for medicines . Not sure if this will help you at all , since I don 't know what scripts your taking , but we 've had a lot of success with local pharmacies discounted prescription plans . Try going onto pharmacies like , CVS , Rite - Aid , Walgreens , Walmart , Sam 's club , etc . Enter " discount prescription plans " into the search box and that usually brings up a description of their plan and a list of medications their plan covers and also the cost . My friends and family have even had some great results by going onto the homepage of the company who makes the medicine and searching for discounted prices available for medications . I just found one years worth of free medication for migraines from Allergan that even my neurologist 's office wasn 't aware . They have been calling every patient that needs it but couldn 't afford the cost and getting them all signed up for the free medication so they can now receive the much needed treatment . I hope this helps you in some way . Don 't stop asking doctors , nurses , pharmacists , your local Department of Aging , other people in the same situation . . you never know when you might get an answer that helps . Good Luck . I am so sorry for your loss . I hope that you are feeling better now than you were in November . These blood clots are nothing to mess with , and after reading this post , I will take mine much more seriously , and go get help . I will remember you and your wife n my prayers tonight . God Bless you … . . don " t give up ! I 'm 17 and I 'm going through the same thing right now . . I have several blood clots in my lungs and I 'm currently on blood thinners , an estrogen based birth control pill for acne and that is what cause this for me as well . I 've been on blood thinners for a few weeks and go for a scan the 5th . I 'm really hopeing there all gone so I 'm able to return to my basketball season . How long did it take for you to have all your blood clots go away ? When I was four years old I was rushed to the hospital complaining of pain in my fingers ( which had turned purple ) after a lot of speculation and blood work they found I had what was called arterial thrombosis . I was on Coumadin for a year and everything seemed to go away other than some scarring on my pinky where my finger started to die . Now 22 years later I 'm sitting in the emergency room with stumped doctors trying to figure out the throbbing in my right arm . I have no other symptoms . . no swelling not hot to the touch . . Just throbbing pain up and down my arm and tingling in my hand . I wouldn 't usually be so concerned however I recently got the birth control implant in my arm . ( Not the same with the pain ) anyone else have anything similar happen ? At least let me know I 'm not crazy for coming in here at 1am Latasha Hello my name is Latasha and I too have positive PE I Thank God I 'm alive every day . I was too close to lo sing , my life , I know only he kept me here . Day to day I just don 't know what to think about the fact that my life is at stake . It hurts because I have a little boy who looks forward to seeing his Mother and being there for him , I have a beautiful Family and some friends , and I have the best man I could ever ask for . I got the blood clots also from the birth control and I was still smoking cigarettes , as the stress progress the cigarette smoking progressed as well . I encourage women to learn more about the things we insert into our bodies and / or mouth , I was on the nuva ring . Please pay attention Women , God Bless . Hello Nisa . We are happy to hear that you are already seeking help through your own healthcare provider and a cardiologist to help determine the cause of the symptoms you describe . If you are experiencing any symptoms of blood clots , please talk to your healthcare provider about them . You can learn more about the signs and symptoms of blood clots here : https : / / www . stoptheclot . org / learn _ more / blood _ clot _ symptoms __ dvt . htm Also , you can learn about blood clot risks here : https : / / www . stoptheclot . org / know - your - risk . htm I recently had severe pain in my chest and felt as if i was having a heart attach and seriously thought i would die . The ambulance came did an ECG that came negative . Said it was more likely a spasm and go to A & E and check it out . In the time I was having an attack my husband gave me 300mg soluble asprin which i feel gave me the relief . Hospital ran some tests my D - Dimer war 1260 therefore immediate treatment for PE on the lungs . Few days later they did a scan of the lungs and found nothing . My GP did some bloods last week and found raised white cells . I am sure I have clots somewhere in my body . . I have sudden headaches leg cramps , constant arm pain . The pain settles after a day . What further tests should i get done ? My hemotologist did extra blood test and found factor five leiden which is an inherited genetic blood disorder . My brother has since been tested and he is positive and so is my daughter . This was life saving . Go to a hemotologist . My name is Roni I recently went to the ER I was having trouble breathing so I i told the doctor i was having difficulties breathing for a few days because i had been having a cold and also had a very swollen and sore calf he took it very seriously he ordered an xray of my chest and an ultrasound of my leg . according to the doctor the ultrasound was negative and i was sent home when i scheduled a follow up appointment the doctor told me i had tiny blood clots in my legs . please make sure you all get a second opinion or keep trying to find he help you need . These clots can kill you . You don 't have a guarantee that going to an ER will help you . They were sending me home with chest pain and shortness of breath 2 weeks after brain surgery . If my daughter hadn 't stepped in and insisted they do a CT scan of my lungs I would have been dead today ! Good article . I have a history of DVTS . I found out that I have a blood clotting condition . ALWAYS get a second opinion . When I didn 't like how my first vascular Dr treated me I got a second opinion . And I 'm glad I did . I 'm 46 years old and was still on birth control pills . I used them as a contraceptive , so I wouldn 't get pregnant , and to not have periods . I took the active pills nonstop to avoid having periods . I have been doing this for YEARS ! I can 't even tell you how long . My coworker actually noticed that my right arm was bigger than my left . I had been complaining about pain in my right arm . I just blew it off . Until one day , I had a vein hard and popped out of my arm . Went to the ER and found out that I had 100 % blockage in my right arm . The blood clot was from my neck and almost down to my elbow . It has been the scariest episode of my life . Woke up with a random pain in my calf muscle ( right leg right side calf ) not sure if it 's serious or not . I turned 24 today and have anxiety ? Could be over thinking it or not . We shall see what the DR . Say I have had severe pain in my left calf and outside of my left thigh . Some swelling but only enough for me to notice it . Some little spider veins popped out right where the pain is . Two days and it 's so bad it keeps me awake . Nothing relieves the pain . Now I have pain in my left arm as well . Called Dr . office and nurse asked about discoloration , red streaks , warmth and swelling . Said she would talk to doc and call me back . No one called me back . I 'm trying to find out if you have to have all the symptoms ? From some of the stories I 've read it sound like it could be the beginning of a clot . My late husband died of PE . He had had tests for clots because of discoloration . They all came back negative but he died suddenly shortly after the tests . It was PE even after being told there were no clots . Do I wait for Dr or go to ER ? Hello Katrina . You do not have to have all of the symptoms of a blood clot to have a blood clot and some people experience no symptoms at all . If you are worried , you should either try to contact your doctor again or seek immediate medical assistance . We are very sorry to hear about the loss of your husband . Take care . I have a question to ask because I have a theory , and I am just curious . See I had my first blood clot in my right lower calf at the age of 17 . Back then I was on the lowest form of birth control there was on the market because any extra estrogen in other pills I started to throw up . That 's then I found out I have extra estrogen in my system naturally . I 'm going to get a little graphic here but one way it showed was yellowing on my underwear . ( And no it was yeast infections or anything like that ) . The second came at the happiest time of my life ( 33 ) when I found out I was pregnant , now I was off of the birth control pill and never took it again after the first blood clot . Unfortunately what was suppose to be my happiest moment was also so confusing and upsetting time as well . About a week into my pregnancy ( at this point I thought I was pregnant but not confirmed . ) I recognized the system lower calf was tightening up and extreme pain placing my foot to the ground . It was a long weekend and I wanted to talk to my doctor first but the pain got so bad I had gone down to the hospital . They didn 't believe me but confirmed I was pregnant . By Tuesday I went to my doctors . I let her know the hospital wasn 't taking me serious enough . My doctor to give me a note to tell the hospital I had a history of blood clots and sent me to Mount Sinai . They did the ultra sound . ( Now the first time I had a blood clot they didn 't find it by ultra sound they only found it by a die test . But this time I was pregnant so the die test couldn 't happen because of the baby ) I was terrified that they wouldn 't find it , that I would have to choose to end my pregnancy to save my own life . Or do I have the child and lose my own . This was suppose to be a happy time in my life , like everyone get to have why not me ? I couldn 't only one going though this ? Sure enough they found it . I was sent to the thrombosis clinic . While I was there , they told me I would have to take blood thinners for the full term of the pregnancy everyday . It was Now just to back track a bit . . when I was sitting in the hospital there was another lady that was waiting for the ultrasound as well . We started to talk and she was there for a blood clot as well . She was older then me maybe early 50 's I asked her ( and this is where my question comes in ) if she had extra estrogen in her system she had said yes . I personally think there is something there is a link for people that have extra estrogen to blood clots . I think it thickens the blood some how in different periods of our life cycle . I 'm not pregnant now , and I am not on the pill but I feel the blood thickening once again and the pain in the same spot , this time I have slight bruising I have to go to the hospital once again . So who has extra estrogen if their system ? DISCLAIMER NBCA provides the information and materials on this site for general information purposes only . You should not rely on the information provided as a substitute for actual professional medical advice , care , or treatment . This site is not designed to and does not provide medical advice , professional diagnosis , opinion , treatment , or services to you or any individual . If you believe you have a medical emergency , call 911 immediately .
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For lack of a better or classier way to put this , I 've had my blog pimped ! ! ! Can I tell you how excited I am ? ? I have been getting up and checking my e - mail first thing in the morning to see if I 've gotten an e - mail from the AMAZING blog designer , Hilary ( one l ) and most days I have . She designed this header for us from basic information from me and I love it ! ! I can , without a doubt , tell you that she is fantastic at what she does , proficient and creative , gives full details as to how to do this , along with FREE ! Yes , that 's right - FREE ! She is working on building a portfolio and is creating blog designs for nothing ! Isn 't that impressive ? ! ? But , you 'll feel good to know that she has a place on her site where you can make a donation ( and I plan to ) to her college fund ( she 's a college student ! ) for all her hard work . Anyway , I cannot say enough good things about my experience with her and her info is here on the right . Also , a HUGE thank you to my good friend and photographer Melissa Tash . The cute photos are courtesy of her . The one of Harris on the left is from his 4 month studio session . We are doing 1 mo , 4 mo , 8 mo and then 1 year shots . That 's a little different than what we did with Owen , but had to get shots of Harris for our Christmas cards / birth announcements ( I 'll combine anything ! ) and that 's how the timing worked out . Melissa has always been fantastic . She has taken all of our pictures and I 've even recruited her to do the pictures at Owen 's school . The picture on the top right of Owen is a from his photo session at SCHOOL ! Can you believe that ? She has taken shots of our families outside on Sunday morning , done photo shoots with screaming babies ( often ) , around naptime and with my little boys pee - peeing on her blankets / studio floor / towels - whatever is there . Somehow she ALWAYS manages to make us look good ! I 've walked away many times thinking , " I hope there 's one good shot out of that " and there will be more than a dozen . She is really talented and I 'm so thankful to know her as a friend , too ! Enough Posted by I love a long weekend ! Who doesn 't ? Especially one where we don 't have anything planned . No birthday parties , no mandatory meetings , nothin ' ! So , what better to do than start a huge project ? ! Scouting the area for the swingset locationJason and I ( Read : I ) decided that we needed to get a swing set up this weekend . When we bought this house , we knew that the back yard needed a LOT of work . What we didn 't realize is how soon we would need a back yard play area . Ollie was still 1 when we moved in and even a year later - at 2 1 / 2 - he really needs a backyard and playground . Since Jason is a self proclaimed super dad , he decided that he was going to build this himself . Friday night I did a lot of research online about swing sets / playgrounds and found a few things we liked at Toys R Us . But , when we got there on Saturday morning , despite a promised truck arrival , there wasn 't anything there that we were looking for . So , then it was off to Home Depot where we found a do it yourself type kit where you buy the pieces in a kit and then purchase the lumber that you need separately . We found one that would fit in our small allotted space and met our requirements : swings and slide . It also had a tire swing option ( we got that instead of the net ) and a hanging bar / rings combo - bonus ! So , Saturday we bought everything with the help of Connie and Irv and their truck . Saturday night Jason and I stained / protected all the lumber . Sunday Jason put it together ( I know - working on the Sabbath - tsk , tsk - we skipped church , too - going straight to hell ! ) and then Monday he got it set up - as in turned over - again with the help of Connie and Irv and our neighbors . Cutting the lumber , above and then in super dad mode - with vice on headIt has rained most of the week , but we 've gotten to play out there 3 times and it has been wonderful ! These boys love anything outside and I 'm so thankful to finally be able to enjoy a little bit of it with them ! ( Note : We 've put in some mulch , but still need to get more mulch and landscape logs this weekend . Hillary @ The Other Mama I have committed a Southern Crime ! I don 't know what has come over me , but I have thrown out ( to the recycle bin ) my old copies of Southern Living ! ! ! In an effort to clean for our babysitter who will be here tomorrow , I found a huge stack of SLs and decided it was time to let go of them . If you have somehow stumbled upon this blog and you aren 't from the South , well - welcome , but , you might not know the implications of such acts . Southern Living and I go back a long way . My grandmother had Southern Livings from the 70s in her house . Everywhere . And from the 80s , 90s , etc . Every bath , seating area , side table had some copy of this magazine and , I don 't know why , but you are NEVER supposed to throw them away . People have them catalogued in their house for decades ( dewey decimal style ) . I 've been through many stages of adulthood - living on my own , marriage , first job - but nothing has quite felt as grown up as the day I got my very own subscription to Southern Living in the mail - with MY name on it . Whew ! Still gives me a little rush . Anyway , now they have all the recipies online and I 've used that before to hunt for old mysterious recipies . And I 've never gone back and looked up any decorating ideas from several years ago , so I think it 's time to let them go . Farewell , my Southern Livings . I will not forget you and will find your useful information in cyberspace . I hope you see a new day as another form of paper - maybe another magazine full of ideas , recipies , decorating , gardening and all things Suuu - thun . Bless your heart . Dorothy ( Connie 's best friend and long time family friend ) made this adorable outfit for Henry . She also gave us a bib and 2 burb cloths . I 'm so excited to have cute new monogrammed things for our poor second child ! I 'm sure you 're thinking , " What about Henry ? Where is that poor child ? " . Well , he 's here and he 's doing well . Ollie just happens to dominate the camera and the " cool stuff " right now at his age . Sweet little Henry is just along for the ride a lot of days . I don 't know how I feel about that , but that 's just how it is . He gets lots of love and separate attention , but he is so enthralled by his brother and they really like being together - meaning Ollie runs around and sings , plays , rides , jumps , etc and Henry gets to watch . Ollie loves to make him laugh and Henry obliges him most of the time . I know Henry will be in the action before long , though , so I 'm enjoying the potted plant stage . Here is an example of what happens when I get out the camera . . . This is the Saturday morning ( crazy hair , pajama ) look , just FYI . = ) Although it was around 10 : 00 . . . Why is it that the " last day of school " emotes 2 completely different feelings as a parent and as a child ? ? I can tell you that I 'm very sad that Thursday was Owen 's last regular day in his 2 year old preschool class . He 'll go to a summer session ( that will be just like his school year ) starting on June 2 , but Thursday was the " official " last day of the year , so they had a little program for the parents . If you haven 't heard me talk before about Owen 's school , I LOVE IT ! They are super attentive , eager to help work with you as a parent and the child and they truly love our kids . God has really blessed us with this environment and I 'm so thankful every day . So , at the program , they did a version of what they normally do at circle time each day . They sang Twinkle , Twinle Little Star , the ABC song and one other song that has the same tune ( I can 't remember it , so if you can then you get a cookie ) with Ms . Cathy playing the tune on the xylophone ( she said it was the only tune she knew - ha ) . Then they passed out sticks and did several songs with them . The first was The Bear Went Over the Mountain and the sticks made the mountain : Then they did some rowing song and I 'm not sure what it was , but it was cute and fun : The little girl with green bows in her hair is Anna Grace . Owen loves Anna Grace . Any girl that he doesn 't know and he needs to refer to her somehow is called Anna Grace - as in - all girls should be her . When we were leaving , Anna Grace 's mom told me that she said , " That 's Owen . He loves me . " Yes , my dear , you are right . A girl can tell these things early on , apparently . Here is Owen with his certificate - going for his Wilson look from that Tim Allen TV show - also can 't think of the name - another cookie up for grabs here . Am I brain dead today ? And here is a cute picture of the O - man with his teacher Ms . Cathy . We love her so , so much and she will be leaving his classroom for the summer . Sob , sniffle , sob . Thankfully , the other teachers in there are equally wonderful , but we have a special place in our hearts forHillary @ The Other Mama Since we are really starting to get hot and heavy into potty training , I thought the idea of some big boy DIEGO underwear would make Owen want to graduate from diapers . After loads of build up about the big boy underwear with Diego , I knew he would want to wear them . . . I just didn 't think he 'd want to wear them this way . Today , on an adventure at Marshall 's ( isn 't it always an adventure ? ) , Harris and I picked up a pack of safari animals for Owen . I thought this would be a nice touch to the safari playroom I 'm setting up right now ( more to come on that when it 's fininshed ) . I knew that Owen has always loved animals , but I had NO IDEA how attached he would become to these animals . He 's had them for all of 2 1 / 2 hours and I have a feeling that they will be part of our family for a while . Included in this package of rubbery kind - of animals is a giraffe , elephant , cheetah , warthog ( nice , huh ? ) , hippo and a lion . ( I 'm listing these so I can remember what is missing at a later date . ) Owen wasn 't too sure what the warthog was in the beginning , but he figured it out . When Jason told him he had to share one animal with Harris , though , he immediately tossed the warthog his way . " Here doe , Ha - wis " . . . as in . . . you can have the crummy one . Then , I needed to go make dinner downstairs and asked him if he wanted to watch Diego downstairs . He Lurrrves Diego ( who else talks to animals , right ? ) and he hesitated and said he wanted to stay upstairs . I told him Harris and I were going downstairs , then . Well , about 2 minutes later , he came down holding ALL the animals as best he could and asked if he could watch Diego with his animals . See how he has lined them all up to also watch " tee - bee " ? It was time for dinner after Diego and Owen was getting tired of transporting them from room to room by hand , so he came up with a better idea : Needless to say , the animals ate dinner with us . They also marched around the rug beside Owen 's chair at the dinner table ( when they were supposed to be eating dinner ) , played ring around the rosies , came back upstairs to the new playroom after dinner and it was a little sad telling them goodnight . I 'm sure we 'll see them first thing in the morning . Posted by Hats and pirates are really big at our house right now . So , of course , I got a pirate hat and several others at a party store last week . I had forgotten the severity of a rubber strap smack on your face until Ollie tried to take this hat off the wrong way - just a warning for those of you with 2 year olds - you have to teach them to take off the hat properly so they don 't end up with a warp line across their cheeks . Here is Henry in his pirate garb at breakfast . I got Ollie to eat this piece of toast by telling him it was " pirate toast " , so now he asks specifically for pirate toast in the mornings . Don 't you love those " Great ideas " at the time that come back to get you ? Not that this one is bad , but I 've had a few bad ones in my illustious career as a mom . That 's Ollie wearing a fireman 's hat backwards . Jason told him it was a " Fire Chief 's hat " this weekend , so he 's now asking for the " Fire Cheek hat " . Have a great night ! Ahhh . I am back from some much needed R & R this weekend . Eight women from our Sunday School class went to Christy 's lake house on the Elk River for a women 's retreat and I didn 't realize how much I needed it until I got there ! Friday was a little overcast and cold , but we enjoyed cozying up inside and then Saturday was absolutely gorgous - sunny and warm - and we got to go out on the boat and enjoy some of God 's awesome creation . View from the top deck at Christy 's houseSherill , one of our associate pastors , was kind enough to join us and lead us through a great program of activities and discussion - all about refreshment and renewal . It was all laid back and rejuvenating and I 'm so thankful to my husband for making me go ( not that I didn 't want to , but you know how you never feel like you - as the mom - can leave ? ) . Here are truths that I rediscovered this weekend : * We don 't have to handle all of our burdens ourselves ( seems pretty basic , huh ? ) * Trust that God will provide all we need . He is the shepherd going ahead of us . ( Sheep are dirty , dumb and hard headed . . . any wonder we are God 's sheep in the Bible a lot ? ) * Put things up in your home to remind you of the things God has done for you / is doing for you to remind you of His faithfulness . * We are children of God and He wants the best for us ( like we want the best for our children ) . * We can 't listen to God if we are always the ones doing all the talking . ( And a lot more , but these are the ones off the top of my head right now . : - ) I knew all these things , but I got to experience them in a new way this weekend . That 's why I love retreats and time away like this - they bring you closer to God by getting away from our business of everyday life and get back to the basics . For a long time , I 've said " Child of God , Child of God " in my mind when people cut me off in traffic or someone has pink hair at Target - to try not to judge or get angry . But I sometimes forget that I , too , am a child of God ! And I do have crosses and scripture in our house , but the thought of buying sPosted by Waiting on the front porch for the grand arrivalTomorrow is the big day . The day when the " barbage " truck arrives . Owen lives for Tuesdays and I hope ( every week ) that the barbage man gets here early in the morning before I take him to preschool . We must be one of the first streets on their route , thank goodness ! One week he let me down , but I 've forgiven him . The first pass of the barbage truck on the other side of the streetThere is a large amount of garbage truck build up every week and Owen really does remember it . He asked me this afternoon if he could see the barbage man ( he asks about 5 out of 7 days ) and I told him that he had to go to sleep and then when he woke up tomorrow morning he could see him . Nothing like using the garbage man for bribery , right ? This is a video from last Tuesday morning . Fortunately , we have trash ( sticks , leaf bags and general litter ) and garbage trucks roaming around on the same morning , so we all stay at the window or out on the front porch most of the morning - waving to the garbage parade . Oh , yes , I should mention that Owen has NOT become a black jack or poker dealer . He got this cute visor as a party favor from Emma 's birthday party . Gina even included little stickers that spelled out his name and animal stickers . We decorated it this weekend and he loves it . Great party favor idea ! Thanks , Gina ! Dang that Maria Montessori - One of the big things that they teach at the Montessori school is how to do things yourself . Normally , this is wonderful . Owen cleans up after himself ( with some prompting ) , puts up his dishes , dresses himself ( still working on the finer points of that one ) et cetera . Today , as he was getting his own snack that he gets to choose , M & Ms were his first choice . ( We have them here for potty training , but every now and again I 'll let him have a few for snack . ) Well , the bag wasn 't quite closed completely . And when I asked him how many he thought should go on his plate , this is what he decided : Needless to say , I took away about 40 or so , but he was still pretty happy with his selection . He also chose animal crackers , banana ( mine - that I was currently eating ) , marshmallows ( the tiny ones ) and goldfish . His other favorites / usuals are chocolate graham crackers , carrots with ranch , any fruit , applesauce , cheese its , wheat thins , cheerios , pretzels and fruit snacks . So , in my striving for transparency , I 'll tell you that we did put all the M & Ms back in the bag ! ! ! Happy snacking ! I am going to go out on a limb and recommend the best kids music ever . There is a Christian kids band called Go Fish and I absolutely love all their albums . ( Sorry this picture is so tiny and odd shaped . It , in no way , represents our love for them - only the size of the picture on their website . ) Our friend Melanie gave us our first CD as a birthday gift for Owen and it was so cute that I 've bought 2 others ! Their latest one - Snazzy - is too much fun and we 've played it in the car - non - stop . AND - the best praise I could give for it - I listen to it without kids in the car ! They just do silly songs - not all about God , but about half and half and all with good lyrics . This new album has The Itsy Bitsy Spider on there with a beat . It 's hilarious . They sing the original verse , but then they add some new ones . I think you can listen to bits of all the songs online . My favorite lyrics are : The spider has eight legsto help him crawl aboutHe 's creepy and he 's crawlyand he freaks my momma out ! - OR - He bugs methat 's the issueI 'm gonna get youwith a tissueThere is also a great song on there for moms that starts : If you have a stroller and you 're still a rock and rollerYou 're a MOM ! That whole song is great and will make you choke up - promised - even though it is super cute . My other favorite is " Jammies " and there are several others that are amazing . So , this would definitely be worth a purchase , or if you invite us to your next birthday party , we will be sure to bring it as our gift . That 's what I 'm bringing from now on ! Posted by Alright . I 'm going to tell you from the get go that this post is about to be buried under others because I don 't have good diet news . Apparently 2 1 / 2 weeks is about my breaking point for cooking ( and cleaning up ! ) all my own meals and depriving myself of any splurge items . ( I know we splurged on our anniversary , but that doesn 't count ! ) Well , this week , Jason and I have both been working long hours , etc , you hear my rationalization coming on . So , to get to the point , I gained a pound and a half . That 's right ! GAINED ! And it 's not the diet 's fault . That would be my fault . We went out to dinner on Saturday night after Jason had worked all day and I had the kids all day trying to get things done - like errands - definitely work ! So , that was a ding against the old diet . And , I was at a dinner last night that was catered by Ruth 's Chris steakhouse and they had a Cinco de Mayo steak soft taco buffet . Come ON ! I 'd already paid $ $ $ for this meal , so I was going to eat it anyway , and let me tell you it was yum - my . Here are the things that were on the scale 's side this morning : I had only slept 5 hours , I still had not digested steak dinner and I didn 't get up to run this morning . So , on to the next week . Jason and I were shooting for 4 weeks of strict Belly Flat dieting , but we are just doing our best from here on out ! The best thing you can get out of any diet is to be more aware of what you are putting in your body and I think we are both doing a much better job of that . I will keep you updated on my goal - now a stinkin ' 16 . 5 more pounds . Ugh . And , FYI , I did not eat Chuck E . Cheese pizza - I almost did , though ! * * Post Script - I allowed myself to weigh again on Wednesday morning because of the many factors against my weekly weigh in on Tuesday and I 'd lost the malicious pound and a half ! WooHoo ! Only 15 more to go ! These two things have absolutely nothing in common except that we experienced both of them today ! Every year , Ollie 's pre - school takes an all school field trip to the Green Mountain Nature Trail . This is not far at all from our house and is a wonderful field trip ! There is a beautiful lake and hiking trail around the lake on top of a mountain . It 's really beautiful . Very natural , earthy , Montessori - ish and fun . Ollie went with Jason early this morning and they saw turtles , geese and a slew of other animals . The coolest thing in Ollie 's book , though , was the firetruck ! They ask the firemen to bring a truck up there and the kids get to sit in the driver 's seat , put on the helmets and explore the truck . . . including the siren ! WOOHOO ! There was a lot of firetruck buildup at our house this morning , so I 'm glad that this was all that we 'd hyped it up to be . Then , we left scenic Green Mountain and had about a 30 minute drive ( in town ) to Chucky Chesus ( rhymes with Jesus ) . We were off to E 's 3rd Birthday Party . E 's mom and dad - Jason and Gina - are dear friends of ours from Sunday School . This was the first time we experienced Chucky Chesus ( or Chonky Cheese as my dad always called it ) and it was a little wild . Tons of fun - just a bit overstimulating . And it was even more so juxtaposed with the serenity that we 'd just left ! I think I might be paying for Henry 's psychiatrist 's and optometrist 's bills for a few years . Ollie wasn 't wild about Chuck E . Cheese , but he did get to see him in person and LOVED the " animal band " . The CEC employee there helping with the party was enthralled with Henry . She kept coming up to him and saying , " Do you see that rat ? " referring to Chuck E . I don 't know why , but I 'm still tickled about it ! Is that funny or is it a have to be there thing ? She had a kind of country accent , was SUPER sweet , though , but to hear her say it was hilarious . The highlight of our CEC experience was that I got to teach Ollie how to play skeeball - my all time favorite CEC game ! He really thought it was fun , too ! ( You 'll Posted by
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July 17 , 2014Dogs , EmotionsCSA , Death , Disney World , Dogs , Emotions , Fear , Love , Pets , Predator , PTDS , Sea World , Sexual Abuse , sexual predators , theme parksShanna . Mack Oh to be able to let my emotions flow out of my finger tips . The last few days I have been depressed and really anxious . Medication , situation , all of the above ? Who knows . Monday the fly on the wall , found me watching CNN . A special about sexual predators working at Disney World , Sea World , Universal , and other theme parks . The one I remember most lived life as a preacher . Sounded like a familiar story . Eventually sufficiently creeped out , I turned the television off . Pondering the things I just learned , I picked up my Ipad and began a search . Center of Missing and Exploited Children . Shaking inside and out I called , simply to see what could be done to report someone who preyed on me over 35 years ago . I am pretty sure I let out an audible gasp when she said she would take my report , and the information would be shared with the authorities . I do not look for him to be punished for the things he did to me . At least not in the here and now , but the thought of him continuing to prey on victims … My voice no longer silent . Last but not least , I cannot deny my heart many many tears , as I prepare to say see you later to my sweet boy Enos . He has degenerative back disease , past surgery on multiple disc . He can no longer walk , or turn over when lying down . We have to hold him up for him to do his " jobs " . He is getting where he is in a good bit of pain . My heart is broken for my baby . He has slept with me since we rescued him seven years ago . He is my smallest dog , and since I was never blessed with my own children , my dogs are my babies . Enos lets me dress him and do what ever with him . I love that little guy so much . June 20 , 2014Emotions , Faith , Good Times , Therapy , TraumaAnxiety , child abuse , Curious George , Depression , DID , Dissociative identity disorder , God , happy days , Healing , Hope , Jesus , PTSD , Rape , Seed , Sexual Abuse , Shrimp , SowingHope Free Sowing . It 's a gardening term that my therapist taught me as she gifted me some parsley , basil , and chia seeds . It means seeds that do not require much tending to grow . The last year and a half , I have required so much tending and care , that I am happy to be at my free sown phase . I have happy days . I have real moments when the dark foggy abyss abates , and I feel the sunlight on my face . Those moments are longer and longer . Words cannot adequately give gratitude to how that feels . The pivotal moment for me occurred when I saw my friend on the street and presented with the opportunity to tell him forgave him . I reiterated I knew his daddy caused him to do the things he did to me . Something happened that day , he told me that he was wrong , relating also , his father often told him to do things he should not have done . I was no longer the only one saying these things happened . I no longer doubted my memories . A tender mercy that I prayed for , answered very directly . My husband witnessed his confession as he sat silently in the car beside me . Since our conversation , surprisingly , days passed without a thought of the abuse or my abusers . The long - awaited mental reprieve granted . Not to spread all sunshine and roses , some days are still hard , but many more happy days of light than before . Gidget fulfills her job as protector , and gets quite upset if I do not let her do her job . She speaks up in situations that I should speak up and don 't or won 't . She also loves to laugh and play jokes . A few weeks back my husband and I went on a date . Gidget came out . I had shrimp on my plate . When she allowed me to come back there were green beans in a smiley face with one shrimp as a nose staring at me . Apparently she had told Mother she was not going to let me eat all the food at the restaurant . She really likes Ole Times , and shrimp . Squirt , or Little Shanna , her feelings are so tender . She has been happier . She watched Curious George a couple of times . Mother said she gave her a play - by - play of what George was doing . She still has some of her fears , but she is feeling safer . Adrian . I do not know what to say about Adrian . Mother can talk to her and get through to her . She does not like me , AT ALL . She is very angry . Though relatively quiet the last few weeks , she still makes part our " family " . I suppose the dream of being " normal " - alter free - when I started to feel better , isn 't going to happen . They are my normal . Learning to live with them and accepting this part of my life is key . March 20 , 2014Good Times , Inner Child , Therapy , TraumaAlters , Anxiety , Blog , Children , Comfort , CSA , Depression , DID , Family , Gidget , Healing , Health , Mental Health , Multiple Personality , Protector , PTSD , Sexual Abuse , TrustHope I started blogging to help others , and myself become stronger . The last several months , I did not have it in me to carry myself , much less have any bright days to share and lift others . My internal protector , who now goes by Gidget , not " the mean one " , isn 't mean at all . She does have a temper . She can swear like a sailor when she gets angry , but her goal has been to protect me and " squirt " and to make me have a little more fun in life . What now seems eons ago , but was only weeks ago , she told me angrily , " Not everyone deserves to be forgiven . " That statement lead to pandora 's box being opened , and discovering and recalling that my " original " abuser , was a pawn and victim himself in his father and step - mother 's sadistic game . Who knows how long it went on with him , but Little Shanna endured about a year and a half of sexual abuse . Holding tightly to the secret , the sadness , and the guilt , standing beside her , a valiant protector Gidget . She is remembering that she did fight now , she let me know , I fought and begged to go home . There is only so much a 4 and 5 year old child can do . Especially when you have two adults there , who are holding you . Holding you in a way that you do not bruise though . Hugging you . Adults you once trusted . Adults you should still be able to trust . Hearing my dog barking outside because she heard my cries . Gidget , that is where she got her name from . My faithful protector back then . She has introduced herself to most of my family and friends . I am not really comfortable with that , but I suppose she is making it so that I do not have to worry about it . Fear of rejection is so high . She gave my closest friends what for the other day , for absolutely no reason . Of course I had to apologize profusely after I returned . She seems to forget my life , our life , is not all that everyone has to deal with . She and I have become almost like sisters . Boy howdy can she get mad at me . If I try to smooth something over when it is clearly not my fault , or heaven forbid I blame her for something that happens , and I do not know if she had anything to do with it or not . My husband says I need to learn to chose my words more carefully . I told him , I am not used to someone knowing my intimate thoughts , and responding to them . This is a new ball game for me . She has quite the sense of humor . I hope she does not mind me sharing this . First off , she is country . Very country . Several people have mentioned that she has a serious twang to her voice . After therapy yesterday , I told my parents that I wanted to try to actually eat out at my favorite place . Ole Times Country Buffet . I set up ground rules . My back would be to the wall , and I would be able to see my parents at all times , even at the buffet . I was getting a little nervous . Mother said Gidget came out and said , " I ain 't gonna let her eat all this good food by herself . " Mother laughed as she said some of the things Gidget said and did . First apparently she ate so fast , afraid I would come out soon . Mother asked her if I had put any fried squash on the plate . I had not , only because I did not have room . Gidget sad SHE does not like that stuff . She joked , " When she comes back she ain 't gonna know where her food went . " Gidget , must be a messy eater because my napkin was all nasty when I returned , and she was right . I had Mac ' N ' Cheese ( because " it did not taste like Ms . Edith 's ( my grandmother ) or hers ( Mothers ) " , according to Gidget , I agree . ) , and a piece of dry chicken . Thing is my mouth was still hungry , though my belly bloated . I dared her in my mind to come out when I got my deserts . I got two just in case , I hid them behind butter beans and collards . If you are new to this life . My advice is , take it slow , but try to become friends . I find when I am scared or afraid when they come out , it wipes me out physically . If I let them come have their peace , and not fight them , I am not nearly as exhausted when I return . I do not understand it , but that is how my body and mind works . My doctor seemed to recognize the exhaustion , so I must not be too crazy . Yeah , not too crazy , says the woman with two altar personalities . July 19 , 2013Dogs , Emotions , Family , Tender Mercy , Trauma , UncategorizedAnxiety , Chihuahua , Coping ( psychology ) , Depression , Dog , Emotion , Health , Mental Health , Pain , Posttraumatic stress disorder , Psychological trauma , PTSD , Sexual Abuse , TLCHope I love this girl . Though she is my parents pup , her little heart beats in unison with mine . I suppose there are several reasons . I was the one who found her on Craigslist . My Daddy and I picked her up on a really rotten day for me . When her little toothless piglet looking self was handed to me it was instant love . During her first vet appointment the vet was very concerned for her survival . Between the dishonest breeder pulling her away from her mom too soon , to the genetic issues that she has from inbreeding , TLC was what it would take to make the cutest girl from Lakeland , Georgia thrive . Thriving she is . She has gain two pounds , weighing in at a whooping 2 . 6 lbs . Today she went to have her second set of Parvo and Distemper Shots . Poor poor angel girl . About two hours after the shots she started hurting really bad . Crying out when she was put down . crying if my Daddy held her . Crying when Heidi licked her . I called my Mother to she how her appointment went and I could hear my girl crying . I wanted to cry . Mother was trying to cook lunch , but every move she made Lillie Pie would cry out . I could not stand it . I told Mother I come down and relieve her to so she could cook . When I walked in Lillie saw me and immediately tried to get to me , crying loudly the whole time . broke my heart into a thousand pieces . She didn 't know why moving hurt . Wrapped in her pink blankie , she finally relaxed in my arms and went to sleep . PTSD and Depression is like what Lillie experienced today . She went through the traumatic experience , but the pain did not hit , really hit until hours later . Then every time she thought about it , even in her dreams she would scream out in pain . I am sure she is sore , do not get me wrong , but the screams coming from this baby were so horrible . Unbearable agony . She did not know why she was in pain , she did not associate it with the shot anymore . As a matter of fact , at one point I noticed that she shied away from her blanket . I think she thought that her blanket was her tormentor . Often with PTSD we see those that are trying to comfort us as tormentors because we do not understand what we are feeling and experiencing and on what side of reality we stand during the experience . Nor do those that are trying to help use , and in helping us they sometimes bring us pain . Another thing that I thought about , and I recently talked to a dear friend about this as I tried to help them validate their feelings of childhood sexual abuse . You sometimes have very intense emotions that you cannot put your finger on a reason , I have always told my husband that . I am mad , sad , upset , or whatever , but I do not know why . My way of describing this to my friend was amputee victims having fathom feelings itches or pains in the limb that is no longer there . Phantom emotions cause similar experiences . Being detached whether it be time or geographically from the abuse and abuser , yet still experiencing the phantom emotions . You have them without thinking about your abuse , the feelings are just there , and much like the amputee , learning how to deal with phantom emotions is a key to healing and it is a journey . They will never go away completely as we will learn coping skills , we can begin to feel whole again . July 12 , 2013Emotions , Family , Flashback , Good Times , Pain & Headaches , Trauma , UncategorizedAnxiety , Child Sexual Abuse , Depression , Fear , Intercourse , Intimacy , Marriage , Passion , PTSD , Rape , Sex , Sexual Abuse , Sexual assault , Shame , Touch , Trauma triggerHope Imagining myself writing a post even remotely similar to the one about to come from my fingers seems to be like imagining living someone else 's life or at the very least talking about their life . I have debated within myself the last two days whether or not I should blog about this experience , simply because the intimate nature of it . Today in therapy we talked about my blog , about how sad I get when my numbers are down , but then I reminded myself of that the reason I began a blog was to help myself and to help others on their journey to healing from remembering repressed memories of childhood sexual abuse . As I thought I recalled the story of a little boy walking along the sea - shore after a storm . Hundreds and hundreds of starfish had been washed ashore during the destructive storm . The little boy was going along throwing starfish back into the water when someone came along and made a comment trying to discourage him from throwing them back . The comment was something to the order of " You cannot save all of the them , I do not know why you are even trying . " The child picked up another starfish , showed his antagonist and said , " You are right , but I can save this one . " The experience I am about to share might be read by one person who like me feels alone and completely messed up . It might help that one person realize that they are not alone in the way they are reacting . That is one of my biggest challenges . This is all new territory and though my abuse happened 34 years ago , remembering and living it now , dealing with it now creates completely uncharted hazardous waters in my life . New emotions and suppressed emotions experienced daily . Since we married 8 years ago , and until recently , my husband and I have been very intimate . I had some issues after my hysterectomy , but I when were together I enjoyed it . Passion has not been a real issue we faced . There were times as in all marriages that you are not in the mood , but passion and making love remained relatively consistent . I guess you would say we had a healthy sex - life . I remembered my abuse on May 2 of this year . In remembering my rape , I lost my sexual self , instead became an afraid 5 - year - old child anytime my husband touched me in a remotely intimate way . If he kissed me and I felt his tongue , I would cry , feeling betrayed . He patiently understood or atleast tried to . We have tried different methods of touch to get me comfortable with us again . I tell myself , as my therapist recommended , " This is my husband and my lover . It is okay to be with him . " I have reach over and tried to touch " him " and was paralyzed in fear and sobbed in his arms . My inner child screaming at me while I tried to touch him that I was not being fair to her . Her voice very cruel and distracting . A few nights ago I dreamt about being with him as husband and wife . I was so happy when I woke up , sad that he had to go to work . When he came home I explained to him how things could be done . It would not be passionate , no touching and fondling except what I allowed and directed . Very contained very ruled , very PG for sex between husband and wife , especially in our life . When his rhythm started I was so scared . I kept my eyes tightly closed . I wanted him to finish . He noticed my tears and stopped . I wanted him to be happy , but at the same time I wanted to run . I wanted to get away . " She " felt like I was letting him rape " her " . I could not look at him when it was over . I stayed in the bathroom for a while . I felt dirty like I had done something wrong . I was sick to my stomach and sobbing . When I finally composed myself I came back to bed and we talked . Some of these things I only verbalize to him as I read this before I post it , the shame that I felt like I could not tell him . Not because anything he did , because what I felt . I was shaking inside and I know he heard it in my voice . He wished that I would have told him when it started to scare me . It is such a difficult thing when you love your spouse and want them to be fulfilled , but and the same time you are terrified . I am so ready for my life back ! ! I am ready to find me . I talked to my therapist about it today and she said it is a journey and I do not need to try to rush it . I suppose in a healing journey you need baby steps not giant strides . I am making progress inch by inch . The artwork I am about to share brings me great courage strength and hope also . I look at it often . It was created just for me when I was going through my trials being diagnosed uterine cancer . That amazing friend Bec you hear so much about created it for me and my support team . The words : Strength , Love , Courage , Faith , and Hope . Those words mean so much to me these days as I struggle more than ever with anxiety and depression . I truly thought cancer would be one of the most difficult things I faced . Cancer was a breeze to me . I was able to keep a pretty positive attitude through it . Bec , had no idea , how much I would lean on this art and the words the rest of my life . This is my most treasured piece of art . The last picture I want to show is one from earlier today from my walk to Narnia . As I mentioned I could not find the wisteria , but I found these tiny flowers . They are so pretty . I think it was appropriate that I needed to look for them , it kept me engaged in the now . I debated whether or not to post the image because I want to hide behind " Hope " but there are dual purposes for sharing . One to share the art that I love so much , and two to let " Little Shanna " have her day that I show our real name . I will continue to go by Hope on the blog . That is what I am comfortable with . But I am giving her a voice for a moment , to say our name is Shanna . June 27 , 2013Emotions , Family , Flashback , Garden , Good Times , Hobbies , Inner Child , Photography , Talking , Tender Mercy , Therapy , UncategorizedAnxiety , Child Sexual Abuse , Depression , Fears , Hope , Narnia , Photography , PTSD , Rape , Sexual Abuse , Therapy , Trauma , WalkHope Today I walked around taking pictures . I kept getting closer and closer to my parents backyard . Yesterday in therapy we taked about wisteria , and its beautiful purple blooms . I knew some were in the backyard , the entrance to my Narnia . I would start that way , and then change my mind and go a different dirrection . Take pictures for a while in that location and venture back to the side yard . Each time , just a step or two closer . My Daddy is inside the house I told myself . The yard has changed completely since " that time . " So have I . I looked at the camera in my hand , and felt the weight of it . I felt the sweat rolling down my back and on my face . The air is heavy with humidity . The sun is hot on my black plants and not quite as hot on my gray shirt . My nose all snuffy because I am outside and my allergies are giving me a fits . I am very thirsty , because I have been outside a while in the heat . I hear birds chirping , squirrels jumping from tree to tree , cars passing by on the highway , and hear Roscoe and Enos wanting to come walk with me . Each of my senses are engaged in the now . One more step and another and another and another . I am there . Looking at Narnia . My fist begins to clinch , but I am still in contol . I look for things to take pictures of . The wisteria that Mother photographed the other day is no longer in bloom . I found a couple of other beauties . More than the images on film was the accomplishment of conquering the fear today . Will it be back tomorrow ? Who knows , but today I stood at the gates of my Narnia as a Warrior and Returning Queen . June 22 , 2013UncategorizedAbuse , Anger , Anxiety , backlash , beautiful things , child abuse , Child Sexual Abuse , Confussion , Depression , Disability , emotional problems , Family , Fear , Frustration , Healing , Individual Worth , Insecurity , Insomnia , Love , Mental Health , PTSD , Rape , roller coaster , Self Image , Self Worth , Sexual Abuse , Stress , Therapy , tired , virtual hugs , words of encouragementHope This morning is some better . I am still very anxious and depressed , but not teetering . I realize how many kind and good people read my blog , and they are going through a lot right now too . " Our community " helps one another when we are down . Kind words of encouragement , the reminder of the beautiful things in life and in me , virtual hugs , and a simple " like " they let me know someone is listening and cares . I have my amazing family . I know the are weary . It is hard having someone you love with severe emotional problems . I could charter a club , I have been on the other side . Living daily , not knowing what to say or do , fear of triggering them . Fear of the backlash . Not knowing if the will be there in the morning physically or emotionally . Holding your tongue and swallowing your emotions , sacrificing your own mental health while they work on theirs . Crying more than laughing . I hate that I put anyone through this roller coaster . June 1 , 2013Emotions , Family , Flashback , Hobbies , Inner Child , Photography , Talking , Therapy , TraumaAnger , Anxiety , Child Rape , Child Sexual Abuse , Confussion , Depression , Flowers , Healing , Hope , Mental Health , PTSD , Rape , Setting Boundaries , Sexual AbuseHope Something I have yet to master with my new life , that I have never had the urgency nor felt the necessity to do before is setting boundaries . I do not only mean physical boundaries . Though that is an obvious given , I have new physical boundaries set . I had no clue there would emotional boundaries I need to set . I think these are going to be the most difficult . I have always been one who could sit and listen to all problems , past , present , and future that anyone had or thought they would have . I did that gladly . I still want to , but I realized today that in doing so , I am easily triggered . Triggering turns a great day into an anxious , fear , nauseated , trembling day , requiring the need to regroup and begin anew at trying to silence " her " fears and my anxiety as well . I hate what my life has become . I was doing so well . I was doing so well ! I am sitting at the computer working on editing the photos I took today . Trying really hard to stay in the now . I think some photos came out really well for day two , but admittedly I am having such a hard time focusing on it . The pictures seemed to turn out much better than yesterday . My illusive caterpillar even posed quite nicely out of the darkness . I was surprised he was still on the same weed , but then again , the spider is creeping closer , so maybe I should not be . I do not think I would move either . I was also able to catch a couple of lizard friends sunbathing also . There are a few shots of flowers in our yard that I will post too . May 31 , 2013Emotions , Family , Hobbies , Photography , TherapyAnxiety , Child Sexual Abuse , Depression , Family , Ghost hunting , Grandparent , Healing , Macrophotography , Mental Health , Paranormal , PTSD , Rape , Sexual Abuse , Therapy , toysHope I have been trying to figure out this camera . Trying is the operative word . I am the lady that usually cuts heads off in shots . I seemed to have forgotten that small detail when I decided that I wanted to learn to take pictures as part of my therapy to stay in the now . I think the images that I will create behind the lens will be more abstract or purely by accident . Opposite of those that I am trying to capture , but that is okay to . Seems like much of my life is that way any how . I have been trying for about two hours to take a picture of this silly caterpillar . I just cannot quite figure out how to focus on him . So after about sixty shots I came out with a pretty interesting one . You really cannot see him very well , but an interesting message is in there . Then there is the next picture . I tried my darnedest to capture the spider and the spider 's web . All I succeed in doing is debunking orbs , and every ghost hunting show that uses them as proof of ghostly energy . Or maybe not , that is Granny 's favorite camellia tree in the background , and this is her house . and I do often hear things going bump in the night . Dododododododo … . ( I do want to add a disclaimer . I very much believe in the Spirit World . I know that they are very near to us , but I do not believe they perform on TV shows on cue . I admit also that I watch those shows for entertainment , but entertainment only . ) See the orb in the middle left ? Don 't call Ghost Hunters . Call the Orkin Army . It was a spider . Really pretty ( don 't shiver Bec ) . It had bright neon orange , and he was weaving away . I am forty year old survivor and a five year old victim of sexual abuse . I live with severe depression and anxiety , and in 2013 was diagnosed with DID and PTSD . My journey is to reintegrate my alter and the adult me into a whole person , healthy person , and one that can empathize with others . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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I 'm moving into a new apartment . . . again . But it 's really not that bad of a move . I 'm moving within the same apartment building . . . again . After I move into this new one , I will have lived in 4 different apartments within the same building . HAHA . I just keep moving around . I actually get the keys to the new place in the morning , but my official big move day is Saturday . Jason 's going to be helping me move . : ) He also secured me some empty boxes that he found at work and is bringing them to me tomorrow . He 's so thoughtful . : P I think he 's just finding an excuse to come over so that he can have his way with me though . I 'm going to miss my current apartment . It 's a studio , so I live by myself . But in the new one , it 's a 2 bedroom and I 'll have a roommate . I 'm going to get along fine with her ( yes , I 'm living with a girl ) but I 'm just going to really miss living alone . It 'll definitely be a tough adjustment . But we 'll have our own separate rooms , so I can always lock myself in my own room if I need to . And I 'm hoping that I 'll be locking both me and Jason in there quite a lot ! : ) I want to talk more about Jason , but I 'm really tired now . And I just wanted to give an update on my life because it seems like I never have time to blog anymore . I used to blog every day . . . what happened to that ? Sigh . So I 'm sitting here trying to start my homework . It 's a paper of sorts . . . writing about a problem in education . And I don 't have to write that much . . maybe 2 pages double spaced . I just have to do it now because I won 't have time this weekend . I have Jason 's birthday party tomorrow night , and then work all day Sunday before going to bed ASAP so that we can leave for our Vegas trip at 6am . Yes , I 'm going to Vegas again . : ) So Jason 's birthday party is tomorrow night . It 's at his house so it 'll be many of his friends there . It starts at 8pm but I 'm going to be arriving late because I 'm having dinner with my family . I 'm thinking I won 't get there until maybe 11pm . But I think that 's a good thing because I 'm not sure if I 'd do too well with so many people I don 't know for a long period of time . By 11pm , I 'm sure people will be either way too drunk or starting to leave ? HAHA . I don 't know . But I 'm just not the best when meeting new people . So it 's a pretty big deal that I 'm going . I just want to look good in front his friends . Gosh I really don 't know what to expect . I 'm not a party person . . and the only parties I attend are thrown by people that I work with . . . so this might be my first outside party that I 'm going to . Eeek . . getting more nervous as I talk about it . So I 'm just going to stop talking about it and just GO for it tomorrow . Other news : VEGAS ! I 'll be leaving for Vegas at 6am with a car full of friends . TWO cars actually . And we 're going to be staying at the Planet Hollywood ! We get free booze in the hotel room when we arrive ! PLUS , the FAT TUESDAY is right inside the Planet Hollywood shops so we 're going to be going there A LOT . I 'm really looking forward to it . I have so much fun when I 'm there with my friends . It 's just a time for us to let loose , get drunk , be crazy , and have tons of fun ! I 'm also hoping that my friends will want to go to the Rio Seafood Buffet with me because it 's AMAZINGLY yummy ! ! I 'm not going to be gambling . . . much . I 'll probably play my Monopoly slot machiine and then before I leavePosted by Barry Barry Barry . . . I miss talking to my British buddy . There are so many things that I want to tell him , but we never chat anymore . I really do miss chatting with him - I used to tell him everything , but now we 're never online at the same time . I fear that our online friendship might be ending . : ( And I know you 're reading Barry - - is the guilt trip working ? : PBut seriously , I 'm just really sad that it 's been WEEKS since we 've had a good conversation with each other . I miss our talks . I loved chatting with him because he was never judgmental , yet gave me invaluable advice whenever I needed it . And wow , it 's almost been a year since I 've " met " Barry online . Well , I really hope that Barry decides to respond to my email soon ( : : hint hint : : ) ! So it 's been a week since we 've decided to be friends with benefits , and I think it 's working out just nicely . In addition to the awesome dinner and a movie we had last week , we 've also been to the gym together . That was fun because he showed me how to use a lot of the equipment at the gym . I never use the machines because I feel like an idiot having to walk up to the machines and read the instructions . . . so it was nice to have someone just show me how to do it . And then yesterday was his birthday . We started his birthday celebration with a midnight showing of Harry Potter . The movie was long , but it was nice to hang out with him . I really would even call it a date . We sat together , and were pretty close the whole time . He was very touchy with me . After the movie he came back to my place and I gave him his present . I decided NOT to do the ice cream thing . . . I figured the movie tickets were good . And then I gave him the Aussiebums . He seemed to like it . I showed him that I had matching ones , which I was already wearing . hehe . I had also invited him to go to the House of Blues , but his friends ended up taking him out to the bars to celebrate , so he called me and thanked me for the invite but had to decline . ( I was fine with it cuz I was actually really tired and just needed to relax at home , which is what I 'm doing now ) Then he also told me that he was wearing the underwear I got him and that they 're really comfy . He also said that his friends thought they were sexy and he bragged to them that I got them for him . : ) That made me feel pretty good - - I picked a good present . hehe . So , I don 't know what you guys are thinking , but I 'm thinking what we have going on is pretty good right now . So what if we 're not officially dating ? I feel like we 're doing some pretty date - y stuff . We still have plans to have an at - home movie night to watch " He 's Just Not That Into You " and several epsiodes of " Doctor Who " and " Buffy . " I 'd probably call that a " date " in any other circumstance . But yeah , I just think that maybe he likes that Posted by I wrote a reply to the comments from my last blog , and I thought I 'd just write a post about it since it 's kind of important and not everyone looks at the comments . So I 've had a few comments from concerned readers about me being fuck buddies with Jason and how , in the end , I 'm going to end up being hurt if I 'm not careful . I fully appreciate their comments and I want to thank you guys for caring about me and looking out for me . And because of your comments , I know I will be careful . But , I 've decided to go along with the sex . Here is what I wrote back to the comments : @ HCI , Godfrey , and Aek : thank you for being concered about me . I really appreciate it . I 've taken your advice into consideration , but . . . I 've decided to be fuck buddies with him . As Anonymous points out , I do like that he was honest about it and that he cared enough to not hurt me like his previous relationship had hurt him . Now that I know how he feels , I am confident I can draw that line myself and not get extremely attached . Obviously I 'm keeping my options open with other guys . In other news , I 've already bought the " Commando " underwear from Aussiebum and they 're on their way ! However , I 'm not going to be getting him the blank DVDs . I was over at his place last night ( I 'll talk about that in a sec . . . ) and I asked him about his DVDs . Well , he started to burn a few and he took out his giant tower of DVDs that he has . So , I feel like he wouldn 't like it as much . I 'm sure he would appreciate it still . . but I want him to like it . So , I 've decided on something else . But let me talk about last night first because it goes into what I 'm going to get him . So after our talk about not wanting to date , being fuck buddies , etc . . . we still decided to go on our dinner and a movie " date " . . . we moved it to last night instead of Saturday afternoon . And I guess I had a better time at this " date " than a real date because I felt less pressure . I could just be myself . And we both paid for ourselves ( although he did pay for the tips for me since I paid with cash and he pPosted by Not very good news tonight . Got home at around 11 : 30pm and started chatting with Jason on AIM . We were talking about dinner and a movie when this conversation happened . . . Jason : So I have to ask . You sure you are ok with us being just friends ? I know we are closer than we should be for being friends . . . the sex and all . Me : Well are you not looking for anything more than just friends at all ? Jason : I am just not into dating right now . I understand if you are not ok with that . Me : You had told me that from the beginning so I understand . Jason : I just had my heart broken and I want to make sure to not do that to you . Me : Thanks . To be totally honest , I think I really like you . But I 'm glad you 're telling me this now . Well , tell me this . . . do you see ANY potential of us dating in the future ? Jason : I don 't know . Not right now at least . So there we go . . . at least now I know . I 'm not going to lie . . . I really started to like him but I guess I was being overly optimistic . I DID know that he wasn 't looking for a relationship when this all started , so I was just being naive in thinking that spending a few days with me would change that . I 've made the decision to stay friends with him . He continued to tell me that I 'm really his only gay friend that he has right now . And I have no reason to not believe him . And the sex is really quite good so I 'm ok with us having some benefits too . I know that you 'll all have something to say about this , but I 'm holding on to some sort of hope that he 'll warm up to an idea of dating later on . I truly believe that he 's not ready to date because of what happened with his last relationship and not because he doesn 't like me . I mean , why else would be insist on us staying friends and ask to hang out still ? ( we 're still going to have a " dinner and a movie " night tomorrow . . . I can 't very well call it a " date " anymore though , I guess ) I know what you 're all thinking . . . If I go down this path , I 'm going to end up being hurt . But I really don 't want to lose him as a friend . He 's about my only friend outside Posted by Finally finishing up my blog about Florida ! hehe . Man , I had such a great time in Disney World . It really was a great vacation and one that I needed to have . And it was just nice to have it filled with boys . Made me feel pretty good about myself to have boys lined up to hang out with me . : PSo my last day , I 'm supposed to meet Bryan in Epcot in the day so I make my way out to that park by myself . I text him as I was leaving but I didn 't get a response from him by the time I got to the park , so I decided to have lunch by myself . Still no text after lunch , so I went on a few rides by myself . Still no text after the ride , so I went to watch some shows . Finally after the shows I get a text from him telling me that he woke up WAY late and doesn 't had been finding a ride to Epcot . He felt really bad for ditching me on my last day in the parks . I told him it was ok and that I was heading back to my new hotel to official check - in to the room so he can just meet me there . So when I got back to the hotel , he was there to meet me . What can I say about Bryan . . . oh yeah . . . he 's TALL ! I 'm just about 5 ' 8 . 5 " but he 's 6 ' 2 " ! Almost a half a foot taller than me . HAH . And he 's skinny and cute . ; ) We sorta just chatted for a little bit in the room and then I suggested we go to the pool and play on the slide because I had heard that the slide was super fun . He was definitely down for it so we changed into our swim trunks and headed out to the pool . Let me just say that I had such a fun time at the pool with him . We just played around while chatting about nothing . And then we met this crazy kid , Nick , who must have had ADD / ADHD because he was just talking talking talking with us while waiting in line for the slide . I brought my video camera with me so we filmed ourselves coming down the slide and playing around the pool and everything . We also spent a little bit of time in the jacuzzi to talk before heading back to the room to get ready for our dinner reservation . But before we move on , I just wanted to say that I 'm so glad I had started tPosted by Hey guys , I need you advice . PLEASE please please comment because I need as much input as possible . And ASAP . So even if you 've never read this blog before or never commented before , PLEASE do so now . So the boy I 'm seeing , Jason . . . his birthday is coming up next Wednesday July 15th . I really want to get him something . The thing is , I 'm not sure what to get him because I 'm not really sure what we are yet . He 's mentioned the words " friends with benefits " which I kind of got a little sad to hear ? But he 's willing to hang out and stuff , I invited him to go to my friends ' 4th of July party with me and he was actually contemplating it . . and I invited him to the circus that 's coming in town and he said yes . So . . . I guess I 'm still confused as to what kind of relationship we have . Regardless , I still want to get him a birthday gift . Now , I 've had one person suggest that I get something kinky / sex related . Why ? Because a week ago when I stayed over at his place , he tied me up with arm restraints that he had installed on his bed ! HEHEHE . Oh and I was blind folded too . OMG , so hot . But should I get a more traditional birthday gift ? Something cheap though . . . cuz I don 't want him to think I 'd spend so much money on him when we 're just " friends " for now . Something funny , perhaps ? He was also telling me about his skydiving and swimming with the dolphins so he 's done a lot of cool things . And then he was telling me about his scars and the multiple times he 's been to the hospital cuz he 's a bit of a daredevil . hehe . So something related to that could be funny ? I dunno . . That 's why I need your help ! So please please please give me some input ! I 'll love you forever ! ! THANKS guys ! If there 's a group of guys that I know I can count on , it 's you guys ! ! I haven 't talked about him much , but Jason and I have been seeing each other more than just occasionally . Ever since I got back from Florida , we 've gotten together a few times . A few nights ago I actually stayed over at his place . . . never slept over at another guy 's place before . So that was a cool experience . Well , we both have the day off today , so we 're having our own 4th of July celebration at my place . ; ) It 's gonna be filled with sexy times . He 's already told me what he wants to do with me when he gets here . LOL . I 'm really hoping that Jason wants a relationship with me . He 's so cute and funny . And he 's HOT ! We 're definitely sexually attracted to each other , there 's no doubt about that . But I 'm hoping that he wants a bit more out of me too . But for now , we 're having a good time with each other . So I hope you guys have a day filled with BBQ and fireworks ! Ok . . . I still think I was a little too detailed about everything in Part 1 . I need to not write so much ! Anyway . . if you haven 't read Part 1 yet , I suggest you do that first . : ) Oh and the blog is gonna get kinda sexually explicit now . . . so don 't read unless you want some sexy details . : PSo where was I ? Oh yeah , Jamie and I getting frisky after the jacuzzi / pool . Well , we take each others ' clothes off and have some sexy time . And it was AMAZING . I had forgotten how big Jamie 's dick was . hehe . He goes gentle at first , but pretty soon it gets very hot and steamy . I actually almost experienced cumming while being fucked without touching myself . . . but I guess my moaning was really hot and he couldn 't hold out any longer . But oh my god it felt so good . I hadn 't had sex since December . I needed it so much . We just collapsed on the bed afterwards and just chatted with each other . Somehow we got to food and we both expressed that we were REALLY hungry . So at 4 in the morning , we go out to the Waffle House and have an awesome breakfast together . We get back to the hotel and sleep in each others ' arms . It was so nice to have someone to cuddle with again . We wake up around noon or so and head out to Disney 's Animal Kingdom . We spend the day there , going on rides , watching shows . Basically an awesome time spent with Jamie . I really loved every minute of it . The park closed early so we left around 6 : 30pm . He decides to take me on a tour of the Disney World property , going to backstage areas and stuff . I thought it was really interesting and I loved that he was playing tour guide . After we went through most of the major areas , we decide to play some miniature golf . . . something I hadn 't done in years ! There 's something about miniature golf that screams " fun date ! ! " for me . And it sure was . We both were horrible at it , but that made it even better . We just made fun of our lack of skill the whole time . And there were other people palying so we had to wait to play some of the holes , so we would just sit down on the bench together and Posted by It 's about 3 weeks late , but I 'm finally finding time to blog about Florida . It 's been pretty crazy these past few weeks and I 'll get to all that , but I wanted to blog about Florida ( especially the boys ) before I forget too much stuff . So here goes ! So I think I 'm going to spare you all the details of my entire Disney World experience and just talk about what I assume you all want to read about : the boys : ) Of course that 's going to overlap with the vacation details , but I 'll try not to write pages upon pages about it . Oh and there are several boys that I will be writing about . . hope you guys don 't get confused about who is who . Use the labels at the bottom of the post to go to posts about the boys . LOL . My flight left at 7am in Orange County , but I had a layover in Phoenix , AZ . While on the plane to Phoenix I was thinking about what I brought with me and how I packed everything within 4 hours of leaving my apartment . And then it hit me : I FORGOT TO PACK MY CONDOMS AND LUBE ! ! When I realized it , I was SOOOO pissed off . I seriously couldn 't believe it . In Phoenix , I text Jon and tell him my unfortunate situation . Naturally , he laughs at me . He tells me to ask one of my boys to take me to the store or bring some themselves . Sigh . . . what an embarrassing situation . I seriously didn 't want to ask them . . . and furthermore , did not know which boy to ask . I was to make this decision later . So I arrive in Orlando International Airport at around 5pm or so and I text Bryan to let him know that I made it out there and excited to finally meet him . We made plans to meet each other at Epcot to watch the fireworks . On the way to the hotel , I also text Jamie , just to make sure he 's still planning on meeting up with me this weekend when he 's off work . I get a response from him saying that he has no plans this week and that he was all mine . ; - ) That of course makes me happy . And then I decide that Jamie is to be the one I would ask about the condoms . . . Here is the text conversations : Me : Hey um , this is awkward and I don 't mean to be prPosted by Just going to write about what I think is interesting . . which may or may not be too interesting to you . But it 's helping me work through things in my life . Keep your hands , arms , feet , and legs inside the blog at all time and enjoy the ride ! There are some people that I refer to on here a lot , so I might as well give an explanation of each to help you guys out . : ) And in the beginning stages of my blog , I gave everyone initials or aliases . But after a while , I just started using their names ( unless it 's a very unique name ) . So I 'll point those initials / aliases out as well . Jon ( formerly JW ) : One of my best friends through work . First real friend that I came out to . SUPER gay . But I love him just the same : ) Jen : My ex - gf . Were together for 6 . 5 years . Found out I liked guys , and that was pretty much a deal breaker . We 're now best friends . She says that I 'm the Will to her Grace . : P ( though I kind of hate that analogy because I don 't like Will that much . . . ) Jamie ( formerly J ) : First boy that I had feelings for and had sex with . Apparently we didn 't want the same things though . LOTS of drama with him , and was the reason I started this blog . Click on the links in the " Important Posts " section to find out more about him . Barry : My good online buddy ! He lives in the UK , and we found each other through an online chat room . We talk about everything together and it 's so nice to have someone that I can open up to . I tell him more stuff about me than anyone else ! More to add later !
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I 'm moving into a new apartment . . . again . But it 's really not that bad of a move . I 'm moving within the same apartment building . . . again . After I move into this new one , I will have lived in 4 different apartments within the same building . HAHA . I just keep moving around . I actually get the keys to the new place in the morning , but my official big move day is Saturday . Jason 's going to be helping me move . : ) He also secured me some empty boxes that he found at work and is bringing them to me tomorrow . He 's so thoughtful . : P I think he 's just finding an excuse to come over so that he can have his way with me though . I 'm going to miss my current apartment . It 's a studio , so I live by myself . But in the new one , it 's a 2 bedroom and I 'll have a roommate . I 'm going to get along fine with her ( yes , I 'm living with a girl ) but I 'm just going to really miss living alone . It 'll definitely be a tough adjustment . But we 'll have our own separate rooms , so I can always lock myself in my own room if I need to . And I 'm hoping that I 'll be locking both me and Jason in there quite a lot ! : ) I want to talk more about Jason , but I 'm really tired now . And I just wanted to give an update on my life because it seems like I never have time to blog anymore . I used to blog every day . . . what happened to that ? Sigh . So I 'm sitting here trying to start my homework . It 's a paper of sorts . . . writing about a problem in education . And I don 't have to write that much . . maybe 2 pages double spaced . I just have to do it now because I won 't have time this weekend . I have Jason 's birthday party tomorrow night , and then work all day Sunday before going to bed ASAP so that we can leave for our Vegas trip at 6am . Yes , I 'm going to Vegas again . : ) So Jason 's birthday party is tomorrow night . It 's at his house so it 'll be many of his friends there . It starts at 8pm but I 'm going to be arriving late because I 'm having dinner with my family . I 'm thinking I won 't get there until maybe 11pm . But I think that 's a good thing because I 'm not sure if I 'd do too well with so many people I don 't know for a long period of time . By 11pm , I 'm sure people will be either way too drunk or starting to leave ? HAHA . I don 't know . But I 'm just not the best when meeting new people . So it 's a pretty big deal that I 'm going . I just want to look good in front his friends . Gosh I really don 't know what to expect . I 'm not a party person . . and the only parties I attend are thrown by people that I work with . . . so this might be my first outside party that I 'm going to . Eeek . . getting more nervous as I talk about it . So I 'm just going to stop talking about it and just GO for it tomorrow . Other news : VEGAS ! I 'll be leaving for Vegas at 6am with a car full of friends . TWO cars actually . And we 're going to be staying at the Planet Hollywood ! We get free booze in the hotel room when we arrive ! PLUS , the FAT TUESDAY is right inside the Planet Hollywood shops so we 're going to be going there A LOT . I 'm really looking forward to it . I have so much fun when I 'm there with my friends . It 's just a time for us to let loose , get drunk , be crazy , and have tons of fun ! I 'm also hoping that my friends will want to go to the Rio Seafood Buffet with me because it 's AMAZINGLY yummy ! ! I 'm not going to be gambling . . . much . I 'll probably play my Monopoly slot machiine and then before I leavePosted by Barry Barry Barry . . . I miss talking to my British buddy . There are so many things that I want to tell him , but we never chat anymore . I really do miss chatting with him - I used to tell him everything , but now we 're never online at the same time . I fear that our online friendship might be ending . : ( And I know you 're reading Barry - - is the guilt trip working ? : PBut seriously , I 'm just really sad that it 's been WEEKS since we 've had a good conversation with each other . I miss our talks . I loved chatting with him because he was never judgmental , yet gave me invaluable advice whenever I needed it . And wow , it 's almost been a year since I 've " met " Barry online . Well , I really hope that Barry decides to respond to my email soon ( : : hint hint : : ) ! So it 's been a week since we 've decided to be friends with benefits , and I think it 's working out just nicely . In addition to the awesome dinner and a movie we had last week , we 've also been to the gym together . That was fun because he showed me how to use a lot of the equipment at the gym . I never use the machines because I feel like an idiot having to walk up to the machines and read the instructions . . . so it was nice to have someone just show me how to do it . And then yesterday was his birthday . We started his birthday celebration with a midnight showing of Harry Potter . The movie was long , but it was nice to hang out with him . I really would even call it a date . We sat together , and were pretty close the whole time . He was very touchy with me . After the movie he came back to my place and I gave him his present . I decided NOT to do the ice cream thing . . . I figured the movie tickets were good . And then I gave him the Aussiebums . He seemed to like it . I showed him that I had matching ones , which I was already wearing . hehe . I had also invited him to go to the House of Blues , but his friends ended up taking him out to the bars to celebrate , so he called me and thanked me for the invite but had to decline . ( I was fine with it cuz I was actually really tired and just needed to relax at home , which is what I 'm doing now ) Then he also told me that he was wearing the underwear I got him and that they 're really comfy . He also said that his friends thought they were sexy and he bragged to them that I got them for him . : ) That made me feel pretty good - - I picked a good present . hehe . So , I don 't know what you guys are thinking , but I 'm thinking what we have going on is pretty good right now . So what if we 're not officially dating ? I feel like we 're doing some pretty date - y stuff . We still have plans to have an at - home movie night to watch " He 's Just Not That Into You " and several epsiodes of " Doctor Who " and " Buffy . " I 'd probably call that a " date " in any other circumstance . But yeah , I just think that maybe he likes that Posted by I wrote a reply to the comments from my last blog , and I thought I 'd just write a post about it since it 's kind of important and not everyone looks at the comments . So I 've had a few comments from concerned readers about me being fuck buddies with Jason and how , in the end , I 'm going to end up being hurt if I 'm not careful . I fully appreciate their comments and I want to thank you guys for caring about me and looking out for me . And because of your comments , I know I will be careful . But , I 've decided to go along with the sex . Here is what I wrote back to the comments : @ HCI , Godfrey , and Aek : thank you for being concered about me . I really appreciate it . I 've taken your advice into consideration , but . . . I 've decided to be fuck buddies with him . As Anonymous points out , I do like that he was honest about it and that he cared enough to not hurt me like his previous relationship had hurt him . Now that I know how he feels , I am confident I can draw that line myself and not get extremely attached . Obviously I 'm keeping my options open with other guys . In other news , I 've already bought the " Commando " underwear from Aussiebum and they 're on their way ! However , I 'm not going to be getting him the blank DVDs . I was over at his place last night ( I 'll talk about that in a sec . . . ) and I asked him about his DVDs . Well , he started to burn a few and he took out his giant tower of DVDs that he has . So , I feel like he wouldn 't like it as much . I 'm sure he would appreciate it still . . but I want him to like it . So , I 've decided on something else . But let me talk about last night first because it goes into what I 'm going to get him . So after our talk about not wanting to date , being fuck buddies , etc . . . we still decided to go on our dinner and a movie " date " . . . we moved it to last night instead of Saturday afternoon . And I guess I had a better time at this " date " than a real date because I felt less pressure . I could just be myself . And we both paid for ourselves ( although he did pay for the tips for me since I paid with cash and he pPosted by Not very good news tonight . Got home at around 11 : 30pm and started chatting with Jason on AIM . We were talking about dinner and a movie when this conversation happened . . . Jason : So I have to ask . You sure you are ok with us being just friends ? I know we are closer than we should be for being friends . . . the sex and all . Me : Well are you not looking for anything more than just friends at all ? Jason : I am just not into dating right now . I understand if you are not ok with that . Me : You had told me that from the beginning so I understand . Jason : I just had my heart broken and I want to make sure to not do that to you . Me : Thanks . To be totally honest , I think I really like you . But I 'm glad you 're telling me this now . Well , tell me this . . . do you see ANY potential of us dating in the future ? Jason : I don 't know . Not right now at least . So there we go . . . at least now I know . I 'm not going to lie . . . I really started to like him but I guess I was being overly optimistic . I DID know that he wasn 't looking for a relationship when this all started , so I was just being naive in thinking that spending a few days with me would change that . I 've made the decision to stay friends with him . He continued to tell me that I 'm really his only gay friend that he has right now . And I have no reason to not believe him . And the sex is really quite good so I 'm ok with us having some benefits too . I know that you 'll all have something to say about this , but I 'm holding on to some sort of hope that he 'll warm up to an idea of dating later on . I truly believe that he 's not ready to date because of what happened with his last relationship and not because he doesn 't like me . I mean , why else would be insist on us staying friends and ask to hang out still ? ( we 're still going to have a " dinner and a movie " night tomorrow . . . I can 't very well call it a " date " anymore though , I guess ) I know what you 're all thinking . . . If I go down this path , I 'm going to end up being hurt . But I really don 't want to lose him as a friend . He 's about my only friend outside Posted by Finally finishing up my blog about Florida ! hehe . Man , I had such a great time in Disney World . It really was a great vacation and one that I needed to have . And it was just nice to have it filled with boys . Made me feel pretty good about myself to have boys lined up to hang out with me . : PSo my last day , I 'm supposed to meet Bryan in Epcot in the day so I make my way out to that park by myself . I text him as I was leaving but I didn 't get a response from him by the time I got to the park , so I decided to have lunch by myself . Still no text after lunch , so I went on a few rides by myself . Still no text after the ride , so I went to watch some shows . Finally after the shows I get a text from him telling me that he woke up WAY late and doesn 't had been finding a ride to Epcot . He felt really bad for ditching me on my last day in the parks . I told him it was ok and that I was heading back to my new hotel to official check - in to the room so he can just meet me there . So when I got back to the hotel , he was there to meet me . What can I say about Bryan . . . oh yeah . . . he 's TALL ! I 'm just about 5 ' 8 . 5 " but he 's 6 ' 2 " ! Almost a half a foot taller than me . HAH . And he 's skinny and cute . ; ) We sorta just chatted for a little bit in the room and then I suggested we go to the pool and play on the slide because I had heard that the slide was super fun . He was definitely down for it so we changed into our swim trunks and headed out to the pool . Let me just say that I had such a fun time at the pool with him . We just played around while chatting about nothing . And then we met this crazy kid , Nick , who must have had ADD / ADHD because he was just talking talking talking with us while waiting in line for the slide . I brought my video camera with me so we filmed ourselves coming down the slide and playing around the pool and everything . We also spent a little bit of time in the jacuzzi to talk before heading back to the room to get ready for our dinner reservation . But before we move on , I just wanted to say that I 'm so glad I had started tPosted by Hey guys , I need you advice . PLEASE please please comment because I need as much input as possible . And ASAP . So even if you 've never read this blog before or never commented before , PLEASE do so now . So the boy I 'm seeing , Jason . . . his birthday is coming up next Wednesday July 15th . I really want to get him something . The thing is , I 'm not sure what to get him because I 'm not really sure what we are yet . He 's mentioned the words " friends with benefits " which I kind of got a little sad to hear ? But he 's willing to hang out and stuff , I invited him to go to my friends ' 4th of July party with me and he was actually contemplating it . . and I invited him to the circus that 's coming in town and he said yes . So . . . I guess I 'm still confused as to what kind of relationship we have . Regardless , I still want to get him a birthday gift . Now , I 've had one person suggest that I get something kinky / sex related . Why ? Because a week ago when I stayed over at his place , he tied me up with arm restraints that he had installed on his bed ! HEHEHE . Oh and I was blind folded too . OMG , so hot . But should I get a more traditional birthday gift ? Something cheap though . . . cuz I don 't want him to think I 'd spend so much money on him when we 're just " friends " for now . Something funny , perhaps ? He was also telling me about his skydiving and swimming with the dolphins so he 's done a lot of cool things . And then he was telling me about his scars and the multiple times he 's been to the hospital cuz he 's a bit of a daredevil . hehe . So something related to that could be funny ? I dunno . . That 's why I need your help ! So please please please give me some input ! I 'll love you forever ! ! THANKS guys ! If there 's a group of guys that I know I can count on , it 's you guys ! ! I haven 't talked about him much , but Jason and I have been seeing each other more than just occasionally . Ever since I got back from Florida , we 've gotten together a few times . A few nights ago I actually stayed over at his place . . . never slept over at another guy 's place before . So that was a cool experience . Well , we both have the day off today , so we 're having our own 4th of July celebration at my place . ; ) It 's gonna be filled with sexy times . He 's already told me what he wants to do with me when he gets here . LOL . I 'm really hoping that Jason wants a relationship with me . He 's so cute and funny . And he 's HOT ! We 're definitely sexually attracted to each other , there 's no doubt about that . But I 'm hoping that he wants a bit more out of me too . But for now , we 're having a good time with each other . So I hope you guys have a day filled with BBQ and fireworks ! Ok . . . I still think I was a little too detailed about everything in Part 1 . I need to not write so much ! Anyway . . if you haven 't read Part 1 yet , I suggest you do that first . : ) Oh and the blog is gonna get kinda sexually explicit now . . . so don 't read unless you want some sexy details . : PSo where was I ? Oh yeah , Jamie and I getting frisky after the jacuzzi / pool . Well , we take each others ' clothes off and have some sexy time . And it was AMAZING . I had forgotten how big Jamie 's dick was . hehe . He goes gentle at first , but pretty soon it gets very hot and steamy . I actually almost experienced cumming while being fucked without touching myself . . . but I guess my moaning was really hot and he couldn 't hold out any longer . But oh my god it felt so good . I hadn 't had sex since December . I needed it so much . We just collapsed on the bed afterwards and just chatted with each other . Somehow we got to food and we both expressed that we were REALLY hungry . So at 4 in the morning , we go out to the Waffle House and have an awesome breakfast together . We get back to the hotel and sleep in each others ' arms . It was so nice to have someone to cuddle with again . We wake up around noon or so and head out to Disney 's Animal Kingdom . We spend the day there , going on rides , watching shows . Basically an awesome time spent with Jamie . I really loved every minute of it . The park closed early so we left around 6 : 30pm . He decides to take me on a tour of the Disney World property , going to backstage areas and stuff . I thought it was really interesting and I loved that he was playing tour guide . After we went through most of the major areas , we decide to play some miniature golf . . . something I hadn 't done in years ! There 's something about miniature golf that screams " fun date ! ! " for me . And it sure was . We both were horrible at it , but that made it even better . We just made fun of our lack of skill the whole time . And there were other people palying so we had to wait to play some of the holes , so we would just sit down on the bench together and Posted by It 's about 3 weeks late , but I 'm finally finding time to blog about Florida . It 's been pretty crazy these past few weeks and I 'll get to all that , but I wanted to blog about Florida ( especially the boys ) before I forget too much stuff . So here goes ! So I think I 'm going to spare you all the details of my entire Disney World experience and just talk about what I assume you all want to read about : the boys : ) Of course that 's going to overlap with the vacation details , but I 'll try not to write pages upon pages about it . Oh and there are several boys that I will be writing about . . hope you guys don 't get confused about who is who . Use the labels at the bottom of the post to go to posts about the boys . LOL . My flight left at 7am in Orange County , but I had a layover in Phoenix , AZ . While on the plane to Phoenix I was thinking about what I brought with me and how I packed everything within 4 hours of leaving my apartment . And then it hit me : I FORGOT TO PACK MY CONDOMS AND LUBE ! ! When I realized it , I was SOOOO pissed off . I seriously couldn 't believe it . In Phoenix , I text Jon and tell him my unfortunate situation . Naturally , he laughs at me . He tells me to ask one of my boys to take me to the store or bring some themselves . Sigh . . . what an embarrassing situation . I seriously didn 't want to ask them . . . and furthermore , did not know which boy to ask . I was to make this decision later . So I arrive in Orlando International Airport at around 5pm or so and I text Bryan to let him know that I made it out there and excited to finally meet him . We made plans to meet each other at Epcot to watch the fireworks . On the way to the hotel , I also text Jamie , just to make sure he 's still planning on meeting up with me this weekend when he 's off work . I get a response from him saying that he has no plans this week and that he was all mine . ; - ) That of course makes me happy . And then I decide that Jamie is to be the one I would ask about the condoms . . . Here is the text conversations : Me : Hey um , this is awkward and I don 't mean to be prPosted by Just going to write about what I think is interesting . . which may or may not be too interesting to you . But it 's helping me work through things in my life . Keep your hands , arms , feet , and legs inside the blog at all time and enjoy the ride ! There are some people that I refer to on here a lot , so I might as well give an explanation of each to help you guys out . : ) And in the beginning stages of my blog , I gave everyone initials or aliases . But after a while , I just started using their names ( unless it 's a very unique name ) . So I 'll point those initials / aliases out as well . Jon ( formerly JW ) : One of my best friends through work . First real friend that I came out to . SUPER gay . But I love him just the same : ) Jen : My ex - gf . Were together for 6 . 5 years . Found out I liked guys , and that was pretty much a deal breaker . We 're now best friends . She says that I 'm the Will to her Grace . : P ( though I kind of hate that analogy because I don 't like Will that much . . . ) Jamie ( formerly J ) : First boy that I had feelings for and had sex with . Apparently we didn 't want the same things though . LOTS of drama with him , and was the reason I started this blog . Click on the links in the " Important Posts " section to find out more about him . Barry : My good online buddy ! He lives in the UK , and we found each other through an online chat room . We talk about everything together and it 's so nice to have someone that I can open up to . I tell him more stuff about me than anyone else ! More to add later !
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We have loved creating a space - filling it with lots of cool art materials and decorating it to feel warm , bright , creative and inviting . And despite the fact it wasn 't the exact space we wanted , we both really loved it . And then , just last week , the other studio became available and we finally got to move into the newer bigger space . I haven 't got a picture of the new studio yet ( the one above is of the first studio ) , but it 's totally awesome and we love it too ! Yesterday , I was very excited to finally launch my business website ! It 's all about my art therapy practice and I think it reflects well the colour and passion I have for art therapy . Click on the link and have a read . . . If you live in Melbourne ( or you are planning a visit ) you might like to come along for a private session , or maybe do a group workshop ! Three months ago today I had a hysterectomy . It was not what I had expected . For some unknown reason I expected it would be easy . Don 't worry , I am totally fine , I 'm referring to the time following the operation - the recovery . I believed I would not take the suggested six weeks to recover , that I would , within just a couple of short weeks , be up and about as if nothing had happened . I spent 4 nights in hospital and then my partner Tony collected me and took me home . My healing was slow . And at times painful . I was exhausted . I slept long hours , got out of bed with my body aching , then slept for much of the day on the couch . I could barely walk for any distance and when I did venture out , I did so at a snails pace . Tony was amazing . He looked after me every minute of the first week - until he returned to work for a holiday ! And even then , he would come home each night and cook and clean and pick up after me . The six weeks they told me I would need to feel even remotely back to normal was , funnily enough , as they advised . Seems they did know more than I did in these matters ! They were not exaggerating . I had big plans for my down time . Art . Writing . Catching up on some school work . Seeing friends . Going out for coffees . Learning a language . Reading . Watching endless movies . But truth be told , apart from a few visits from friends , I managed very little . I started my first mandala the day of my operation , with big plans to do more . I had a book I wanted to fill . But it wasn 't until ten days later that I finally had the energy to come back to it . For the next three months my mandala book became a big part in healing and my journey back to health . It was what I reached for when I was under strict orders to rest but had enough energy to concentrate . And once I was feeling better , I continued to reach for it as a daily ritual . And today , three months after my hysterectomy , I completed the last mandal in my healing mandala book . Forty - eight in all . I am happy to say , I am feeling so much better than I did this time three months ago . Each week I have improved and I am now ready to face a healthy 2014 with energy and enthusiasm . With thanks to my friends and family for checking in , with big big thanks to my gorgeous man and with deep thanks too to my mandalas , as each one of them created a link in the path to health and wellbeing . Here are a few of Tony 's pics for your visual enjoyment . The scenes all look a bit ' tiny town ' as Tony used an effect on his camera called miniatures . Such a pretty pretty place . It was my birthday on October 23rd . And for my birthday treat , Tony and I escaped for a five days to the tiny town of Walhalla in Gippsland . It is an old goldfield town in the foothills of the Australian Alps and it is a great place to retreat for a few days . It only got electricity connected in 1998 , it has limited mobile phone coverage , very little internet access and with a permanent population of only 16 residents , at this time of year , it is particularly quiet . And so , as access to the outside world was all but cut , and my phone ( and its camera ) ran out of oomph , there was time to slow down . Really slow down . And a chance to reflect on the year since my last birthday . And it 's fair to say it 's been quite a year . From my last birthday to this , a lot has happened . This time last year , I don 't think I could have ever imagined where I would be right now . Life has certainly changed . In October of last year I met Tony on RSVP ( internet dating site ) and on November 1st 2012 , we met in person for the first time . He has since captured my heart and bought unexpected joy and love into my life . In the last twelve months we have travelled and explored Adelaide , Halls Gap , Bendigo , Walhalla and Ballarat . Not to mention spending many days exploring an enjoying Melbourne too . In February I was made redundant from the company where I had worked for the last 13 years . In some ways this was a good thing , in other ways , not so good . . . Since then , I have been working in freelance graphic design and finished art as I continue to look for my perfect job . Finding a part time finished art role that gives me space for my studies and art , all the while working on expanding and moulding my place in Art Therapy , is not an easy task . In August , I rearranged my home as my flatmate Jason moved out and Tony moved in . It was a crazy time , with Tony selling off much of his furniture and us both embracing the joys of Ebay . And as I anxiously concerned myself with how Tony would fit into my space , he moved in bit by bit , making sure I wasn 't having a melt down and carefully arranging as he went . And in the end ? It all worked beautifully and we haven 't looked back . And finally ( as if there hasn 't been enough upheaval during the year ) , at the beginning of October I spent 4 nights in hospital following a hysterectomy . The last month has been all about recovery and recuperation . I am happy to say , I am finally starting to feel back to my old self again . It 's been slower and less comfortable than I had expected and there 's still another couple of weeks to go of doctors ordered rest & recovery . Tony has been amazing . Looking after me and ensuring I didn 't do anything I shouldn 't . . . lifting anything heavy , bending to pick things up , housework , driving . Friends have sent messages of love and dropped by to visit , bought bouquets of flowers and bags of chockies , and most importantly , good company and emotional support and love . I am truly blessed . And whilst you might think I might be slowing down , there is so much to do in the next few months . . . Throughout this past year I have continued my studies in Art Therapy which has involved attending classes , running workshops , organising placement and completing assignments . I will complete my advanced diploma early next year . I 'm expecting work to get busier as we head toward the end of the year . In January we will be heading to Hobart to celebrate Tony 's 50th birthday . And of course , Christmas is just around the corner . . . Phew ! Mum and Dad were all set to come along , but at the last minute Dad had to cancel , so it was just the three of us . It 's a shame , because I really think Dad would have loved it . It was a great weekend . Lots of great photography ( most , but not all of it to my liking ) , the weather was clear and sharp , and the company was excellent . In between visiting all the exhibits , which were located in many different venues including the Ballarat Gallery , selected wine bars and cafes , the Mechanics Institute and the Ballarat Town Hall , we also managed to catch up with friends for dinner on Saturday night and then another for breakfast this morning . As I said , a great weekend . The Ballarat International Foto Biennale is on until September 15th , so there is still time if you can make the trip . The next two pics are of the red brick gallery . The first is the exterior of this quirky little gallery where Kirsty Macafee 's work was being shown , and to the right , a sample layout created by Tony , Mum and I at the venue . Fun fun fun . What better way to apply for a permit , than online . Sure beats the traditional paper form where make one mistake and you have to start again . Gone is the race to the post office to submit the form within limited opening hours . The online version allows you to sit in the comfort of your own home with any required information within easy reach , at any time of the day or night . In your pyjamas if you so please ! Now , I don 't know about you , but I find the passport photos available in pharmacies , post offices and small smelly automatic boxes in squalid corners of railway stations way over - priced and have long believed I am more than capable of reproducing one at home , using a digital camera , shooting me against a neutral background and printing it to the right size on some photo paper at home . Seriously . Not hard at all . . . right ? Third ( and most miserable looking ) photo attempt and at last tit 's deemed as acceptable . But then , there ' 's more . Bureaucracy has not done with me yet ! I am told I am also required to produce ID . ( My online version didn 't make this clear at all ) . Licence . Credit card . Medicare Card . Utilities bill ( with address ) . Passport . Of course , I don 't have them all with me . Expletives follow in the car as I return home to collect what is required . My head is of acceptable proportions . The form is signed and dated . My ID is examined and recorded . Passport . Credit Card . Drivers Licence . Medicare card . Finally , everything is verified and signed off by the post office clerk . And I 'm good to go . Aye aye aye . I eventually walk away with a few more grey hairs and a relieved scowl , having lost the best part of 2 hours of my life ( across a number of days ) that I will never recover . But - the form is IN . Thanks and good - bye bureauocracy . Until we meet again . Tony was in charge of bookings and decided last minute to upgrade to the cabin option . SO glad he did . It was a comfortable little wooden cabin just away from the main part of town , with a verandah along two sides and a wood fire inside . Perfect for this time of year in Victoria . And a great spot to sit in the sun and greet the local wildlife that dropped by . We are staying in The Grampians this weekend . And , as is obligatory for the area , we spent yesterday hiking . We took a circuit route that travelled over 10 kms , starting at Halls Gap and lifting 400 meters to the aptly named viewing ledge of The Pinnacle . From there we came back along a different route along a ridge overlooking the lower valley and eventually descending back to where we started . I admit it doesn 't sound tooooo difficult , but there were a lot of steps up and down and lots of big rocks to clamber over , and it took us nearly 5 hours to complete . Phew . Today ( Sunday ) our muscles and joints are complaining angrily at yesterday 's endeavours and so we have decided to kick back and take it easy . And what a place to do so . A lovely wood fire , a back yard where local wildlife drop by for a chat , and a short stroll away is a cafe or two serving mugs of hot chocolate and freshly baked muffins . The cutlery tray I used in my drawer to organise my stationery . A place for my pens to be divided from highlighters , paper clips , post - it pads and an emergency nail file . A pile of note pads and scrawled notes , reminders about procedures and things I had to do . A couple of mugs , one for pens and scissors , one for hot chocolate . Folders of instructional manuals that are long superseded . Business cards . A stapler and a hole punch . And an odd little collection of trinkets / memories that I couldn 't throw away at the " The task of therapy is not to eliminate suffering but to give a voice to it , to find a form in which it can be expressed . Expression is itself transformation ; this is the message that art brings . The therapist then would be an artist of the soul , working with sufferers to enable them to find the proper container for their pain , the form in which it would be embodied . " - Stephen K . Denise Levine It 's not just the kids heading back to school this week . . . it 's my turn too . My second year of Art Therapy begins on Feb 1st and I couldn 't be happier . I am very excited to be getting back to it . By the end of this year , I will be a fully qualified Art Therapist ! In the meantime , I have lots of work to do , assignments , art , self examination , workshops , professional development and a minimum of fifty hours of work placement . It 's going to be pretty full on , and I am itching to get into it . Last week I handed in my final assignment for last year ( one week ahead of schedule ) and I was so so soooo relieved to get it done and be able to physically let it go . It felt clunky and heavy , and as I wrote it , it felt like I was going around and around in circles . Awful . I reworked and reworked until my head was spinning , but in the end , I just decided it was time to let it go . My fingers are currently crossed tightly that it will all be ok . And in the meantime , I have a daily reminder to be aware of my blessings . To recognise and pay tribute to even the smallest of things . There are three notes in the the jar already , so I 'm right on track so far ! I did not post every single day as I had intended , ( in fact today is the first time I have managed to post since SEPTEMBER ! ) , nor did I keep a daily diary ( that little plan lasted less than the first few weeks of 2012 ) . I didn 't manage to get as much reading done as I had hoped ( and I think the pile may be even higher than at this time last year ) and the book I am writing is still on the backburner . . . It was a full full year , and I realised early on I just couldn 't keep up with everything , and ultimately , something had to give a little . I did return to full time study this year ( whilst continuing to work full time ) . I am now one year into a two year Art Therapy Diploma . This time next year , I will be a qualified Art Therapist . And I am love love loving it . I have been graced by the most incredible class mates and a few amazing teachers and found more life - long friends . It makes me happy . The friendships , the art , the creating , the discovery and the growth . What an amazing year it has been , exploring our past and our dreams , and reaching into hidden corners to reveal long lost secrets of the heart and soul . Some dark , others filled with light , just waiting to be released . Thinking about it , makes me breathe a deep deep sigh of gratitude and awe . And as 2012 closes , I feel a deep sense of gratitude . For my family , for my friends , for my continuing studies and creativity . And as the year ticks by , I have also met someone on RSVP . . . and so far so good . In fact , really good . He is a creative . He is cute . I had a mini - panic about three weeks after meeting him , and nearly messed the whole thing up by over - thinking everything . But before it all went hay - wire I stepped back , and realised I was panicking about all the wrong things ( in fact , mostly MY things ) , and that I need to breathe and be open minded and ( more importantly ) open hearted . I turned 45 this year , you 'd think I 'd have it pretty sorted by now , but alas , it 's still a work in progress . Art therapy has certainly made me more self aware and I welcome that into my life . It seems I have learned a thing or two in 2012 , and as I said , it 's all going really well , so something is working ! Sir David Attenborough is my hero . His early television awakened in me a love of all things natural , but in particular my breath was stilled as I watched him hang out with the gorillas in Rwanda . It was 1979 and I was 12 years old . Nine years later , inspired by this remarkable film I followed in his footsteps and visited the mountain gorillas of Africa in Rwanda 's neighbouring Zaire . I saw Sir David twice when I lived in London . I lived in Richmond at the time and we shared the TW9 postcode , though I imagine he was ' further up the hill ' than I . He was walking about town the first time I saw him , strolling along , hands behind his back , quite happy in his own space and though I desperately wanted to , I couldn 't bring myself to disturb him . Quite a few years later ( and surely long enough after our Underground incident for all to be forgiven and forgotten - I suspect it was a rather less memorable moment for him as it was for me afterall ) he was scheduled to talk in Melbourne and I managed to get tickets . I was delighted . My hero ! He was going to be signing books and I was determined to meet him . . . but then at the last minute , his appearance was cancelled due to illness and for a third time , I missed my opportunity . When the announcement was made early this year he was to return for a show at Melbourne 's Regent Theatre , I was thrilled . I was not alone . The tickets sold out in just a few short hours and I missed my chance . I was so disappointed , but unwilling to pay scalpers elevated ticket prices , I just had to accept it . When I received a message from Mal to tell me Marion was sick the night before the show , I hoped with all my heart that she would be well enough to make it the next day . But she didn 't get better , she got worse and the next morning they decided she would not be leaving her bed , let alone the house . She would not to make the show and they offered their tickets to me . I didn 't want to go in her place , they were meant to go . Not me . I was devastated for them . But they insisted that they wanted me to go and to take their tickets and so the arrangements were made . And that night my Mum and I went and saw Sir David Attenborough . He did not disappoint . What an incredible man . At 86 , he is the world 's most traveled person . He has been to the North and South Poles and everywhere in between . He has been on our TV screens for sixty years and in that time the world population has trebled . He is passionate and so so excited to share his stories . He has gratitude for a full and exciting life and is full of praise for the people in his life . Without the cameramen taking such extraordinary footage he admits , there would not have been a show . They captured the magic , he was merely fortunate to be there to stand before them . He spoke for just on two and a half hours , after which we all gave him a standing ovation , as he stood and nodded his head in humble thanks . And whilst I have yet to meet my hero in person , I do feel as if we sat together and shared a chat . And as expected , the conversation was a little one way , but I 'm ok with that . . . I was a little awe - struck afterall ! Without shame , I am going to ask you to put your hands in your pockets . To make a donation to a cause close to my heart . And I do this without shame , because if this walk gets us one step closer to a cure to kidney cancer , it 's worth it . This Sunday I will be joined by my Mum and good friend Denise and will be walking to raise money for Kidney Health Australia . We will be walking in memory of my brother , who died from kidney cancer in December 2008 . Here is the link for our BIG RED WALK page , which includes a tribute and a link to fundraising . Please donate if you feel you can - every little bit helps , and in the battle against cancer we need all the help we can get . And as the saying goes , from little things , big things grow . . . This past weekend I welcomed a family friend to Melbourne who I had not seen for 36 years ! I know , you thought I was only 28 right ? ? ? Crazy stuff I know ! Seriously , this is such a great place to live , full of natural beauty , great architecture and fabulous art . . . It 's impossible not to have fun showing someone around . It helped of course that he was great company . This coming weekend I am catching up with one of my oldest friends . Actually , apart from family , my oldest . I should be clear here - it is neither her nor I who is ' oldest ' but our friendship ! What can I say . . . Lou never fails to bring a smile to my face . As kids , she and I used to laugh so hard together we 'd wet our pants . . . when I pushed a bublegum ice - cream into her face in the main street ( when I was old enough to know not to ) , all she could do was laugh . . . she 's also the one who walked down the street in a t - shirt and knickers at the age of about 9 , when she had forgotten to put on her shorts before leaving home , and yes , you guessed it , she laughed ! We lived hours apart , but her family had a holiday house in my beachside town and from the day she arrived at the beginning of each summer holiday , to the day she left late in January , we were inseparable . She has a great laugh and is a lifelong friend . We spent long stretches apart when I went traveling , and with busy lives now ( she has two gorgeous grown up daughters and a new grandson ! ! ! ) it 's not always easy to organise much time together , but whenever we do it 's like we have not been parted at all . Ah yes , she 's one of those friends . The last time I spent the weekend with her and her partner Trev , we went to a local antique / junk shop to have a browse . When I picked up a plastic snoopy and the head came off in my hands , her laughter shook the rafters ! Actually we were both hysterical , but I was trying to put his head back on at the time , so I was trying to be discreet ! As if that wasn 't crazy enough , she has also started a blog to chart her year and share with family and friends her daily menu and some recipes . . . She is also asking for inspiration . So pop on over and take a look . But be warned , it will get your mouth watering ! Oh I am looking forward to the weekend . I think rack of lamb might be on the menu - a special treat for me ! Thankfully I have great taste in friends ! And hopefully we both have better bladder control than when we were 6 , because there are sure to be a lot of laughs ! The above photo is of us with my Mum on the beach at Point Lonsdale , sometime in the 70 's . I am on the left , Lou 's sister Jodie is behind me , that 's my groovy Mum in the middle , and Lou 's the cutie with the wide grin and zinc creamed nose on the right ! Such happy sun - shiny memories . Monday , as you know , I updated my blog for the first time in aaaaages . Since then , I 've been so excited to have had a few comments from some ole blogging friends , and it means so much . So thank you . I will be dropping by more often to say hi ! Then on Monday night in the midst of my renewed blogging glow , I had the pleasure of catching up with Luhlahh who was visiting Victoria over her Northern Territory school holidays ! What a treat , and fun to catch up on all the news , though it occurred to me later , that I had managed to forget a couple of things . I 'll admit to getting a little distracted by talk of her school kids , art and journalling , then books and a display back at the car where she revealed all her extraordinary book buys from her time in the city over the weekend . WOW ! It 's so easy to get excited about books full of art , creativity and possibility . No wonder she couldn 't resist ! Oh it would have been nice to sit around for a few hours , beside an open fire browsing in more detail whilst sharing a mug of hot chocolate , but alas she was on her way back to the coast and all of a sudden the night was over . Safe travels home Lou , it was lovely to see you . Also , I just want to send out my thoughts to another blogging friend Lesley , who lives in Colorado Springs in Colorado which has been devastated by forest fires over the last few weeks . Hundreds of houses lost and even worse , the tragic loss of lives . Such unbelievable loss , and then , amongst all the sadness there are also stories of hope and she shares one here . It made me smile , and I hope it does you too . Take care Lesley , big love and hugs to you . It 's been two entire months now since I last posted , the longest break since I started blogging in Feb 2007 . And I 've been pondering on this a lot lately . Wondering as to why I seem to have abandoned it so absolutely . Seemingly without a backwards glance . If you are a regular reader and have stumbled upon this post , I imagine that 's what it must look like . But truth is , I have been missing blogging , and certainly missing all my blogging buddies . But I 've been struggling . . . though I 'm not really sure why . Yes , I have been studying , yes , I have been busy , and yes , I have changed jobs , but none of these things has ever stopped me in the past . Often these are the things I have shared here . The very things that have kept me blogging . And whilst the days and weeks have passed , three things have reminded me recently why my blog means so much to me and it really is time I get my blogging back on track . Firstly , friends have been asking if I 'm ok and what 's going on , my parents who are regular readers have both commented ( hinted ) that I need an update post . Secondly , I had a friend contact me recently to ask where my blog had gone ! ! ! I thought she meant it had disappeared all together and my stomach lurched . There was genuine relief when it came up on the screen and I saw my one little acorn blog was still there . if it was gone , I really would have been devastated . And then , over this weekend I got a comment on my latest post ( way back on the first of May ) from a long time blogging friend just checking in , and flagged the fact I had been MIA for such a long time ! ! ! Busy , yes , new job , yes , still studying , yes . But I am back , because my blog ( and yours ) is something I 'm not about to abandon . How are you ?
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We have loved creating a space - filling it with lots of cool art materials and decorating it to feel warm , bright , creative and inviting . And despite the fact it wasn 't the exact space we wanted , we both really loved it . And then , just last week , the other studio became available and we finally got to move into the newer bigger space . I haven 't got a picture of the new studio yet ( the one above is of the first studio ) , but it 's totally awesome and we love it too ! Yesterday , I was very excited to finally launch my business website ! It 's all about my art therapy practice and I think it reflects well the colour and passion I have for art therapy . Click on the link and have a read . . . If you live in Melbourne ( or you are planning a visit ) you might like to come along for a private session , or maybe do a group workshop ! Three months ago today I had a hysterectomy . It was not what I had expected . For some unknown reason I expected it would be easy . Don 't worry , I am totally fine , I 'm referring to the time following the operation - the recovery . I believed I would not take the suggested six weeks to recover , that I would , within just a couple of short weeks , be up and about as if nothing had happened . I spent 4 nights in hospital and then my partner Tony collected me and took me home . My healing was slow . And at times painful . I was exhausted . I slept long hours , got out of bed with my body aching , then slept for much of the day on the couch . I could barely walk for any distance and when I did venture out , I did so at a snails pace . Tony was amazing . He looked after me every minute of the first week - until he returned to work for a holiday ! And even then , he would come home each night and cook and clean and pick up after me . The six weeks they told me I would need to feel even remotely back to normal was , funnily enough , as they advised . Seems they did know more than I did in these matters ! They were not exaggerating . I had big plans for my down time . Art . Writing . Catching up on some school work . Seeing friends . Going out for coffees . Learning a language . Reading . Watching endless movies . But truth be told , apart from a few visits from friends , I managed very little . I started my first mandala the day of my operation , with big plans to do more . I had a book I wanted to fill . But it wasn 't until ten days later that I finally had the energy to come back to it . For the next three months my mandala book became a big part in healing and my journey back to health . It was what I reached for when I was under strict orders to rest but had enough energy to concentrate . And once I was feeling better , I continued to reach for it as a daily ritual . And today , three months after my hysterectomy , I completed the last mandal in my healing mandala book . Forty - eight in all . I am happy to say , I am feeling so much better than I did this time three months ago . Each week I have improved and I am now ready to face a healthy 2014 with energy and enthusiasm . With thanks to my friends and family for checking in , with big big thanks to my gorgeous man and with deep thanks too to my mandalas , as each one of them created a link in the path to health and wellbeing . Here are a few of Tony 's pics for your visual enjoyment . The scenes all look a bit ' tiny town ' as Tony used an effect on his camera called miniatures . Such a pretty pretty place . It was my birthday on October 23rd . And for my birthday treat , Tony and I escaped for a five days to the tiny town of Walhalla in Gippsland . It is an old goldfield town in the foothills of the Australian Alps and it is a great place to retreat for a few days . It only got electricity connected in 1998 , it has limited mobile phone coverage , very little internet access and with a permanent population of only 16 residents , at this time of year , it is particularly quiet . And so , as access to the outside world was all but cut , and my phone ( and its camera ) ran out of oomph , there was time to slow down . Really slow down . And a chance to reflect on the year since my last birthday . And it 's fair to say it 's been quite a year . From my last birthday to this , a lot has happened . This time last year , I don 't think I could have ever imagined where I would be right now . Life has certainly changed . In October of last year I met Tony on RSVP ( internet dating site ) and on November 1st 2012 , we met in person for the first time . He has since captured my heart and bought unexpected joy and love into my life . In the last twelve months we have travelled and explored Adelaide , Halls Gap , Bendigo , Walhalla and Ballarat . Not to mention spending many days exploring an enjoying Melbourne too . In February I was made redundant from the company where I had worked for the last 13 years . In some ways this was a good thing , in other ways , not so good . . . Since then , I have been working in freelance graphic design and finished art as I continue to look for my perfect job . Finding a part time finished art role that gives me space for my studies and art , all the while working on expanding and moulding my place in Art Therapy , is not an easy task . In August , I rearranged my home as my flatmate Jason moved out and Tony moved in . It was a crazy time , with Tony selling off much of his furniture and us both embracing the joys of Ebay . And as I anxiously concerned myself with how Tony would fit into my space , he moved in bit by bit , making sure I wasn 't having a melt down and carefully arranging as he went . And in the end ? It all worked beautifully and we haven 't looked back . And finally ( as if there hasn 't been enough upheaval during the year ) , at the beginning of October I spent 4 nights in hospital following a hysterectomy . The last month has been all about recovery and recuperation . I am happy to say , I am finally starting to feel back to my old self again . It 's been slower and less comfortable than I had expected and there 's still another couple of weeks to go of doctors ordered rest & recovery . Tony has been amazing . Looking after me and ensuring I didn 't do anything I shouldn 't . . . lifting anything heavy , bending to pick things up , housework , driving . Friends have sent messages of love and dropped by to visit , bought bouquets of flowers and bags of chockies , and most importantly , good company and emotional support and love . I am truly blessed . And whilst you might think I might be slowing down , there is so much to do in the next few months . . . Throughout this past year I have continued my studies in Art Therapy which has involved attending classes , running workshops , organising placement and completing assignments . I will complete my advanced diploma early next year . I 'm expecting work to get busier as we head toward the end of the year . In January we will be heading to Hobart to celebrate Tony 's 50th birthday . And of course , Christmas is just around the corner . . . Phew ! Mum and Dad were all set to come along , but at the last minute Dad had to cancel , so it was just the three of us . It 's a shame , because I really think Dad would have loved it . It was a great weekend . Lots of great photography ( most , but not all of it to my liking ) , the weather was clear and sharp , and the company was excellent . In between visiting all the exhibits , which were located in many different venues including the Ballarat Gallery , selected wine bars and cafes , the Mechanics Institute and the Ballarat Town Hall , we also managed to catch up with friends for dinner on Saturday night and then another for breakfast this morning . As I said , a great weekend . The Ballarat International Foto Biennale is on until September 15th , so there is still time if you can make the trip . The next two pics are of the red brick gallery . The first is the exterior of this quirky little gallery where Kirsty Macafee 's work was being shown , and to the right , a sample layout created by Tony , Mum and I at the venue . Fun fun fun . What better way to apply for a permit , than online . Sure beats the traditional paper form where make one mistake and you have to start again . Gone is the race to the post office to submit the form within limited opening hours . The online version allows you to sit in the comfort of your own home with any required information within easy reach , at any time of the day or night . In your pyjamas if you so please ! Now , I don 't know about you , but I find the passport photos available in pharmacies , post offices and small smelly automatic boxes in squalid corners of railway stations way over - priced and have long believed I am more than capable of reproducing one at home , using a digital camera , shooting me against a neutral background and printing it to the right size on some photo paper at home . Seriously . Not hard at all . . . right ? Third ( and most miserable looking ) photo attempt and at last tit 's deemed as acceptable . But then , there ' 's more . Bureaucracy has not done with me yet ! I am told I am also required to produce ID . ( My online version didn 't make this clear at all ) . Licence . Credit card . Medicare Card . Utilities bill ( with address ) . Passport . Of course , I don 't have them all with me . Expletives follow in the car as I return home to collect what is required . My head is of acceptable proportions . The form is signed and dated . My ID is examined and recorded . Passport . Credit Card . Drivers Licence . Medicare card . Finally , everything is verified and signed off by the post office clerk . And I 'm good to go . Aye aye aye . I eventually walk away with a few more grey hairs and a relieved scowl , having lost the best part of 2 hours of my life ( across a number of days ) that I will never recover . But - the form is IN . Thanks and good - bye bureauocracy . Until we meet again . Tony was in charge of bookings and decided last minute to upgrade to the cabin option . SO glad he did . It was a comfortable little wooden cabin just away from the main part of town , with a verandah along two sides and a wood fire inside . Perfect for this time of year in Victoria . And a great spot to sit in the sun and greet the local wildlife that dropped by . We are staying in The Grampians this weekend . And , as is obligatory for the area , we spent yesterday hiking . We took a circuit route that travelled over 10 kms , starting at Halls Gap and lifting 400 meters to the aptly named viewing ledge of The Pinnacle . From there we came back along a different route along a ridge overlooking the lower valley and eventually descending back to where we started . I admit it doesn 't sound tooooo difficult , but there were a lot of steps up and down and lots of big rocks to clamber over , and it took us nearly 5 hours to complete . Phew . Today ( Sunday ) our muscles and joints are complaining angrily at yesterday 's endeavours and so we have decided to kick back and take it easy . And what a place to do so . A lovely wood fire , a back yard where local wildlife drop by for a chat , and a short stroll away is a cafe or two serving mugs of hot chocolate and freshly baked muffins . The cutlery tray I used in my drawer to organise my stationery . A place for my pens to be divided from highlighters , paper clips , post - it pads and an emergency nail file . A pile of note pads and scrawled notes , reminders about procedures and things I had to do . A couple of mugs , one for pens and scissors , one for hot chocolate . Folders of instructional manuals that are long superseded . Business cards . A stapler and a hole punch . And an odd little collection of trinkets / memories that I couldn 't throw away at the " The task of therapy is not to eliminate suffering but to give a voice to it , to find a form in which it can be expressed . Expression is itself transformation ; this is the message that art brings . The therapist then would be an artist of the soul , working with sufferers to enable them to find the proper container for their pain , the form in which it would be embodied . " - Stephen K . Denise Levine It 's not just the kids heading back to school this week . . . it 's my turn too . My second year of Art Therapy begins on Feb 1st and I couldn 't be happier . I am very excited to be getting back to it . By the end of this year , I will be a fully qualified Art Therapist ! In the meantime , I have lots of work to do , assignments , art , self examination , workshops , professional development and a minimum of fifty hours of work placement . It 's going to be pretty full on , and I am itching to get into it . Last week I handed in my final assignment for last year ( one week ahead of schedule ) and I was so so soooo relieved to get it done and be able to physically let it go . It felt clunky and heavy , and as I wrote it , it felt like I was going around and around in circles . Awful . I reworked and reworked until my head was spinning , but in the end , I just decided it was time to let it go . My fingers are currently crossed tightly that it will all be ok . And in the meantime , I have a daily reminder to be aware of my blessings . To recognise and pay tribute to even the smallest of things . There are three notes in the the jar already , so I 'm right on track so far ! I did not post every single day as I had intended , ( in fact today is the first time I have managed to post since SEPTEMBER ! ) , nor did I keep a daily diary ( that little plan lasted less than the first few weeks of 2012 ) . I didn 't manage to get as much reading done as I had hoped ( and I think the pile may be even higher than at this time last year ) and the book I am writing is still on the backburner . . . It was a full full year , and I realised early on I just couldn 't keep up with everything , and ultimately , something had to give a little . I did return to full time study this year ( whilst continuing to work full time ) . I am now one year into a two year Art Therapy Diploma . This time next year , I will be a qualified Art Therapist . And I am love love loving it . I have been graced by the most incredible class mates and a few amazing teachers and found more life - long friends . It makes me happy . The friendships , the art , the creating , the discovery and the growth . What an amazing year it has been , exploring our past and our dreams , and reaching into hidden corners to reveal long lost secrets of the heart and soul . Some dark , others filled with light , just waiting to be released . Thinking about it , makes me breathe a deep deep sigh of gratitude and awe . And as 2012 closes , I feel a deep sense of gratitude . For my family , for my friends , for my continuing studies and creativity . And as the year ticks by , I have also met someone on RSVP . . . and so far so good . In fact , really good . He is a creative . He is cute . I had a mini - panic about three weeks after meeting him , and nearly messed the whole thing up by over - thinking everything . But before it all went hay - wire I stepped back , and realised I was panicking about all the wrong things ( in fact , mostly MY things ) , and that I need to breathe and be open minded and ( more importantly ) open hearted . I turned 45 this year , you 'd think I 'd have it pretty sorted by now , but alas , it 's still a work in progress . Art therapy has certainly made me more self aware and I welcome that into my life . It seems I have learned a thing or two in 2012 , and as I said , it 's all going really well , so something is working ! Sir David Attenborough is my hero . His early television awakened in me a love of all things natural , but in particular my breath was stilled as I watched him hang out with the gorillas in Rwanda . It was 1979 and I was 12 years old . Nine years later , inspired by this remarkable film I followed in his footsteps and visited the mountain gorillas of Africa in Rwanda 's neighbouring Zaire . I saw Sir David twice when I lived in London . I lived in Richmond at the time and we shared the TW9 postcode , though I imagine he was ' further up the hill ' than I . He was walking about town the first time I saw him , strolling along , hands behind his back , quite happy in his own space and though I desperately wanted to , I couldn 't bring myself to disturb him . Quite a few years later ( and surely long enough after our Underground incident for all to be forgiven and forgotten - I suspect it was a rather less memorable moment for him as it was for me afterall ) he was scheduled to talk in Melbourne and I managed to get tickets . I was delighted . My hero ! He was going to be signing books and I was determined to meet him . . . but then at the last minute , his appearance was cancelled due to illness and for a third time , I missed my opportunity . When the announcement was made early this year he was to return for a show at Melbourne 's Regent Theatre , I was thrilled . I was not alone . The tickets sold out in just a few short hours and I missed my chance . I was so disappointed , but unwilling to pay scalpers elevated ticket prices , I just had to accept it . When I received a message from Mal to tell me Marion was sick the night before the show , I hoped with all my heart that she would be well enough to make it the next day . But she didn 't get better , she got worse and the next morning they decided she would not be leaving her bed , let alone the house . She would not to make the show and they offered their tickets to me . I didn 't want to go in her place , they were meant to go . Not me . I was devastated for them . But they insisted that they wanted me to go and to take their tickets and so the arrangements were made . And that night my Mum and I went and saw Sir David Attenborough . He did not disappoint . What an incredible man . At 86 , he is the world 's most traveled person . He has been to the North and South Poles and everywhere in between . He has been on our TV screens for sixty years and in that time the world population has trebled . He is passionate and so so excited to share his stories . He has gratitude for a full and exciting life and is full of praise for the people in his life . Without the cameramen taking such extraordinary footage he admits , there would not have been a show . They captured the magic , he was merely fortunate to be there to stand before them . He spoke for just on two and a half hours , after which we all gave him a standing ovation , as he stood and nodded his head in humble thanks . And whilst I have yet to meet my hero in person , I do feel as if we sat together and shared a chat . And as expected , the conversation was a little one way , but I 'm ok with that . . . I was a little awe - struck afterall ! Without shame , I am going to ask you to put your hands in your pockets . To make a donation to a cause close to my heart . And I do this without shame , because if this walk gets us one step closer to a cure to kidney cancer , it 's worth it . This Sunday I will be joined by my Mum and good friend Denise and will be walking to raise money for Kidney Health Australia . We will be walking in memory of my brother , who died from kidney cancer in December 2008 . Here is the link for our BIG RED WALK page , which includes a tribute and a link to fundraising . Please donate if you feel you can - every little bit helps , and in the battle against cancer we need all the help we can get . And as the saying goes , from little things , big things grow . . . This past weekend I welcomed a family friend to Melbourne who I had not seen for 36 years ! I know , you thought I was only 28 right ? ? ? Crazy stuff I know ! Seriously , this is such a great place to live , full of natural beauty , great architecture and fabulous art . . . It 's impossible not to have fun showing someone around . It helped of course that he was great company . This coming weekend I am catching up with one of my oldest friends . Actually , apart from family , my oldest . I should be clear here - it is neither her nor I who is ' oldest ' but our friendship ! What can I say . . . Lou never fails to bring a smile to my face . As kids , she and I used to laugh so hard together we 'd wet our pants . . . when I pushed a bublegum ice - cream into her face in the main street ( when I was old enough to know not to ) , all she could do was laugh . . . she 's also the one who walked down the street in a t - shirt and knickers at the age of about 9 , when she had forgotten to put on her shorts before leaving home , and yes , you guessed it , she laughed ! We lived hours apart , but her family had a holiday house in my beachside town and from the day she arrived at the beginning of each summer holiday , to the day she left late in January , we were inseparable . She has a great laugh and is a lifelong friend . We spent long stretches apart when I went traveling , and with busy lives now ( she has two gorgeous grown up daughters and a new grandson ! ! ! ) it 's not always easy to organise much time together , but whenever we do it 's like we have not been parted at all . Ah yes , she 's one of those friends . The last time I spent the weekend with her and her partner Trev , we went to a local antique / junk shop to have a browse . When I picked up a plastic snoopy and the head came off in my hands , her laughter shook the rafters ! Actually we were both hysterical , but I was trying to put his head back on at the time , so I was trying to be discreet ! As if that wasn 't crazy enough , she has also started a blog to chart her year and share with family and friends her daily menu and some recipes . . . She is also asking for inspiration . So pop on over and take a look . But be warned , it will get your mouth watering ! Oh I am looking forward to the weekend . I think rack of lamb might be on the menu - a special treat for me ! Thankfully I have great taste in friends ! And hopefully we both have better bladder control than when we were 6 , because there are sure to be a lot of laughs ! The above photo is of us with my Mum on the beach at Point Lonsdale , sometime in the 70 's . I am on the left , Lou 's sister Jodie is behind me , that 's my groovy Mum in the middle , and Lou 's the cutie with the wide grin and zinc creamed nose on the right ! Such happy sun - shiny memories . Monday , as you know , I updated my blog for the first time in aaaaages . Since then , I 've been so excited to have had a few comments from some ole blogging friends , and it means so much . So thank you . I will be dropping by more often to say hi ! Then on Monday night in the midst of my renewed blogging glow , I had the pleasure of catching up with Luhlahh who was visiting Victoria over her Northern Territory school holidays ! What a treat , and fun to catch up on all the news , though it occurred to me later , that I had managed to forget a couple of things . I 'll admit to getting a little distracted by talk of her school kids , art and journalling , then books and a display back at the car where she revealed all her extraordinary book buys from her time in the city over the weekend . WOW ! It 's so easy to get excited about books full of art , creativity and possibility . No wonder she couldn 't resist ! Oh it would have been nice to sit around for a few hours , beside an open fire browsing in more detail whilst sharing a mug of hot chocolate , but alas she was on her way back to the coast and all of a sudden the night was over . Safe travels home Lou , it was lovely to see you . Also , I just want to send out my thoughts to another blogging friend Lesley , who lives in Colorado Springs in Colorado which has been devastated by forest fires over the last few weeks . Hundreds of houses lost and even worse , the tragic loss of lives . Such unbelievable loss , and then , amongst all the sadness there are also stories of hope and she shares one here . It made me smile , and I hope it does you too . Take care Lesley , big love and hugs to you . It 's been two entire months now since I last posted , the longest break since I started blogging in Feb 2007 . And I 've been pondering on this a lot lately . Wondering as to why I seem to have abandoned it so absolutely . Seemingly without a backwards glance . If you are a regular reader and have stumbled upon this post , I imagine that 's what it must look like . But truth is , I have been missing blogging , and certainly missing all my blogging buddies . But I 've been struggling . . . though I 'm not really sure why . Yes , I have been studying , yes , I have been busy , and yes , I have changed jobs , but none of these things has ever stopped me in the past . Often these are the things I have shared here . The very things that have kept me blogging . And whilst the days and weeks have passed , three things have reminded me recently why my blog means so much to me and it really is time I get my blogging back on track . Firstly , friends have been asking if I 'm ok and what 's going on , my parents who are regular readers have both commented ( hinted ) that I need an update post . Secondly , I had a friend contact me recently to ask where my blog had gone ! ! ! I thought she meant it had disappeared all together and my stomach lurched . There was genuine relief when it came up on the screen and I saw my one little acorn blog was still there . if it was gone , I really would have been devastated . And then , over this weekend I got a comment on my latest post ( way back on the first of May ) from a long time blogging friend just checking in , and flagged the fact I had been MIA for such a long time ! ! ! Busy , yes , new job , yes , still studying , yes . But I am back , because my blog ( and yours ) is something I 'm not about to abandon . How are you ?
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Karl is a super super good cook AND baker . I know ! How annoying that he gets to be awesome at BOTH ! I requested a private lesson , and his other half , Matty ( who is also my Soul Sister and Lola 's Godfather ) even came with and kept Lola entertained . So I now know how to make some new things . 🙂 Yay for everyone in my house , because I 'm not a very good cook . But I feel that just watching someone who 's good at that stuff helps a ton . Especially with the baking stuff that I 've already got at least a lot of the practicing done on . It 's easy then to pick up little things . Whereas with the cooking I was mostly writing stuff down and trying not to be impatient . So , Sunday was a busy day overall . It started with a GREAT idea to have breakfast with Elmo . Apparently the humane society was having this for charity at the local Moose Club ( Lodge ? Den ? whatever it 's called . ) So I mentioned it to my mom , and she decided to bring my nephew and meet me there , which was awesome because that meant she 'd pay . 🙂 I should have known how the day was going to go when I saw the parking lot . It was both PACKED LIKE SARDINES and totally muddy . SO GLAD I decided to have Lola wear her brand new Nikes . So , with Corbin in the Peanut Shell ( that 's a baby sling , for those who aren 't into that stuff ) , and diaper bag in hand , I then also carried Lola to the door . To preserve her clean shoes . Then we had to wait in line . Forever . Because apparently EVERYONE ON GOD ' S GREEN EARTH NEEDED to see Elmo and eat pancakes yesterday . I can 't tell you how much a 5 month old , a 3 yr old , and a 2 yr old LOVE waiting in line in a crowded hallway . In retrospect , I shouldn 't have brought Corbin , but I had no idea that this was the hippest spot in town . What was weird was the people who were there without kids . I mean , really ? Just for a 7 dollar plate of pancakes ? We were all packed in the Lodge ( or whatever ) like sardines . Like , it was such close quarters that when a large - ish guy sat behind me I was unable to hold Corbin on my lap and sit at the table . So DEAR GOD WHY did so many people insist on bringing their giant jogging strollers ! ? This is a point of irritation with me . Parents who need to carry the entire contents of their homes around with them in a wheeled contraption roughly the size of a Ford Explorer . I have never ever found either of my children to need that much stuff when we 're out for an hour or whatever . I was able to carry both of my children plus all of our things across the parking lot without breaking a sweat . That should be the standard , I think , of whether you have TOO MUCH CRAP . End rant . Basically , it was pretty lame . But Lola and Michael did get their photo with Elmo . Which I will try to remember to scan in later . You know , looking back on all that , I realized how boring it probably is to read about . I 'm not feeling very witty today , so oh well . You can 't tell in those two pictures , but I was AMAZED by how alike they look at the same age . So then I tried to imagine Lola as a boy , to see what Corbin might look like in a few years . Which is funny , because I usually try to imagine Brian as a girl , to see what Lola might look like in a few decades , lol . I tried for a few minutes to get a picture of the two of them , because the one I wear in my nametag at work is still a 2 week picture of just Corbin . ( and as an aside , what is with people insinuating that I 'm a bad mom for this ? They 'll be like " Come on , Mom ! Geez ! " verbatim . I 'm BUSY , FOLKS ! ! ! And my baby likes to be crabby at the exact moment I pull out the camera . ) So , here 's 3 shots from that session , none of which are really nametag quality . Um … what are you guys looking at ? You 're not even looking away in the same direction ! Corbin , could you be more bored ? Lola , could you have more syrup on your sleeves ? There 's a thing called a napkin ! And also , the camera 's up here . What the … ? Okay , I quit . I told you to " say cheese , " not to " fake sneeze . " On Wednesday , I SWEAR I will get a decent picture of the two of them ! Melt one stick butter with one cup water in a saucepan . Bring to a boil . Add 1 cup flour , remove from heat , stir it up . Add 4 eggs , one at a time . Then pipe them out onto a silpat mat ( or parchment paper I suppose ) on a cookie sheet and bake at 450 ( ish . Karl 's REAL nonspecific on times and temperatures . ) When they start to look golden and puffy , turn the oven temp down to about 350F and let them cook a bit longer till they get all dried through . I think he planned for that to be about 12 min . You can take one out and open it up , if it 's still a little " wet " or doughy in the middle , just leave it in a little longer . They seem to be fairly forgiving . 1 block of cream cheese , whip it up in the Kitchenaid . Add enough heavy cream to make a nice , thick creamy filling . Maybe a little less than a cup ? Keep whipping . Add some powdered sugar till it 's as sweet as you like . And then a splash of vanilla . ( I can 't even get on Karl for this , this is how all my frosting type recipes are , I don 't measure anything unless I 'm making swiss merengue buttercream or something like that . ) Slice up some strawberries and toss them with some sugar and a splash of vanilla . Put the cream and the strawberries into your sliced pastries . Then douse with chocolate sauce . I 'm not going to give away Karl 's awesome secret chocolate sauce recipe , but that 's easy to find . Or you can use store bought . Then he taught me to make chicken parmesan with tomato sauce and pasta . And it was ALSO delicious . I " m not going to type it all up though . Also , it 's more of the same types of measurements ( i . e . " kind of a lot " of oregano , etc . lol . ) But Lola sure liked pounding the hell out of the chicken breasts with a rolling pin ! Lastly , here 's a super cute picture of Lola and Brian . Brian really needed some Lola love , and she was being silly and refusing , so I told her I 'd take a picture if she sat by Daddy . That kid LOVES to be in pictures ! 26Apr2012 I 'll miss this Posted in Corbin , Motherhood and Parenting by stephicakes Corbin 's usually a real happy little guy in the morning . He and I hang out a bit in the morning while I get ready for work and everyone else is still sleeping . He 's not sitting yet . But I sit on the couch and I sit him on my lap , and he smiles and smiles . And he flops right against my chest , the side of his little face pressed into me . He doesn 't have the strength or control to do anything but sit there , all floppy , cheek pressed into my chest . And he smiles about it the whole time , like that 's just exactly where he wants to be . 26Apr2012 Wednesdays With the Kids # 4 Posted in Corbin , Lola , Motherhood and Parenting , Wednesdays with the Kids by stephicakes - Confession time : I tend to sleep topless . There is a newly postpartum period where nursing pads are a must , but once that calms down , I 'm back to topless . And since I breastfeed and cosleep , it 's really easiest anyway . This morning I stumble into the bathroom to discover claw marks all over my chest . I swear I cut them all the time , but I just CANNOT stay on top of Corbin 's super speedy fingernail growth . The pediatrician said I should paint them silver and tell my husband it 's just like Wolverine . LOL . - Add to the list of Weird Things That Make Corbin Happy : getting his clothes changed . I start pulling his arms out of his sleeves , and he starts smiling like he 's at a free puppy giveaway . Weirdo . - I have instituted a rule in our house that whomever drinks the last of the Crystal Light has to make a new pitcher . Brian now routinely drinks all but about 3 tablespoons of the Crystal Light . GRRR . - I intend to get SOOO much done on my one day off . But today it 's raining , and I decide that all we 're getting done is hanging out in the living room , snacking all day , and watching TV . Why yes , I AM Mother of the Year . 🙂 Lola wants to watch My Little Ponies . WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED to my beloved My Little Ponies ! ? The Ponies were the largest source of happiness in my childhood , I swear . Now they all look like they 're on crack . RAGE ! - Lola came home from preschool yesterday with a hospital mask . Today I ask her who gave her that and she says " The nurses . " I guess some nurses came to her classroom , all I can discern from the little that Lola feels like sharing is that one was a boy and one was a girl and " They telled me about something I can 't eat : candy . I don 't want to eat candy anymore . " Thank you , nurses ! - Lola can write her name ! We 've been trying and she 's been getting close , but today without any prompting , she writes it twice . I am so proud . She then breaks the pen , and while looking at it broken on the ground , says to the pen , " we 're not bein ' best friends anymore . " I think the pen is pretty crushed . - Corbin has apparently decided on a favorite toy : a little stuffed Tigger . Brian swore it was Corbin 's favorite , but I thought Brian was just being a weirdo . Sure enough , every time I try to give him something else he does nothing but roll to the Tigger . And then cover it in saliva . Much like his other favorite , me . - Corbin is not on board with Laid Back Day anymore , and I 'm reminded of something I read about kids once : " if they 're crabby , put them in water . " Bath time ! I tell Lola that if she wants to take a bath ( which she always does , ) she has to get herself undressed while I get Corbin ready . When I walk back into the bathroom a minute later , she is completely naked and says , " Tada ! " like it 's a magic trick . I think maybe I should try that at the OBGYN 's office . When she tells me to undress and steps out of the room . Then when she comes back in , I can say , " Tada ! " Or maybe that 's something that 's really only cute when you 're 3 . 😛 - After I take Corbin out , Lola starts doing this weird thing where she sticks her butt up and sticks just the ends of her hair in Corbin 's little pink tub ( now containing Dora the Mermaid . ) I don 't know what this is about , but when I tell her she might get hurt if she keeps horsing around , she tells me , " yeah . . probly . " Well , as long as you 're aware , I guess . - Lola comes running up to me yelling " Spider ! Spider ! It was crawling on me ! " Horrified , I go back to the kitchen with her to look . " There it is ! " Turns out it 's just a combination of me being in the postpartum shedding - like - a - husky - in - springtime period AND being behind on housework . It was a little tangled bit of hair . Which I guess is almost as gross as a spider , though , if you think about it . - Lola has an accident on her bedroom floor . A " holy crap , how did that much liquid even FIT inside you ! ? " accident . Then walks through it and tracks it down the hall and into the living room . Then she proceeds to be obnoxious while her brother is sleeping and I 'm at my wit 's end and tell her she needs to go play by herself . 5 minutes later , I see her over by Corbin , and am about to get upset with her , when I hear her say " are you all done with your cupcake , Little Brother ? " And I find it so sweet that she was including her sleeping brother in her play , and so nicely , but also very quietly so she didn 't wake him up . Sometimes she 's so sweet . Almost Famous - This movie is really sweet without being really cheesy . This was before Kate Hudson decided to make nothing but crap . Her Penny Lane is absolutely delightful and irresistible . I like that this movie was played JUST RIGHT on all accounts . I feel like it could have easily been silly or smutty or forgettable . And instead it 's an utterly charming coming of age story . It has a killer soundtrack that is pitch perfect ( I hated that pun , but the only other phrase that came to mind was " hits all the right notes , " which was SOOO much worse ! ) and just makes you feel really good . It also contains the very memorable quote that is what I will ALWAYS think of when I see Philip Seymore Hoffman now , " The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what we share with other people when we 're uncool . " As Good as it Gets - There are SO many Jack Nicholson movies that deserve a spot on lists about movies . I 've seen the classics , and I do really like them ( except Easy Rider , I am not cool enough to get what 's so great about that movie . ) But this is the one that I really love . I 'm pretty sure this movie still holds the award for the most laughing out loud I 've ever done in a theater . And it helps that it is such a nice memory because my dear , since - departed Grandma was laughing right next to me . This movie definitely has its flaws . But it 's so funny ! And so well acted . And has some really poignant lines and scenes to go along with the laughs . This is an often - quoted one in my life . ( ETA - runner up for funniest movie to me , is The Ref . I didn 't see it in a theater though . ) Black Hawk Down - Now , since I 've seen Band of Brothers , all other war movies have been measured against it , and found to be lacking . But I 'm not counting that one here because it 's a miniseries . And also , I saw Black Hawk Down before I saw BoB . With that caveat , this is my favorite " war " movie . I read the book too . Of all the movies I 've seen that are representational of actual events , this is absolutely the truest to the reality . Right down to very much of the dialogue . We can know that , because there is so much actual documentation from the event . I love this movie because it does not try to be romantic about war ; it does not try to make you feel any particular way ; it just gives a very factual representation of the experiences of the soldiers involved in this terrible incident in Somalia . I think a major theme could be summed up in the line " It 's about the man next to you . " It did stir up some strong feelings , though . It is amazing to see the reality of our soldiers and their courage and abilities . I encourage you to read the review . It explains very well what I love about this movie . I was pleased to see that Ebert gave it all 4 stars . It 's not a movie that I really ever see paid its due respect . Elizabeth - If you were to ask anyone who knows me what my favorite movie is , I 'll bet they 'd tell you Elizabeth . I don 't know if it still holds up as my number one , but it did for a long time , and it 's definitely still top 10 . When I saw this in the theater when I was about 15 , I didn 't love it . I was bored , and confused , and historical dramas are SOO not my thing , especially this particular era ( I don 't care for Shakespeare either , sue me . ) But I could tell that there was something great there . That the failure to love it was on MY part . So I rented it again a bit later , and fell in LOVE . In LOVE ! It 's very complex and VERY dramatic . It tells a human story of an almost mythic figure . And Geoffrey Rush 's Walsingham ( Elizabeth 's trusted advisor ) is INCREDIBLE ! Plus , there are not enough adjectives in this world to accurately give enough credit to the fabulousness that is Cate Blanchett . I found her before the rest of y ' all ! ( Unless you beat me by loving Oscar and Lucinda back when it first came out . ) Daniel Craig 's in it , too . So to everyone else he is James Bond , but to me , he 's always been " the priest from Elizabeth . " Inglourious Basterds - This movie is sometimes gory and disturbing and even a little slow , but what really puts it in my " love " list , is it is SO FLIPPIN FUNNY ! But not in a stupid comedy way . I 'm not a huge Tarantino fan , but he NAILED this one . It is so stylish and cool . And really funny . I wasn 't sure what to expect at first , but once we got to the part where Brad Pitt 's Aldo Raine tells his troops " we ain 't in the prisoner takin bidness , we 're in the Nazi killin ' bidness . And cousin , bidness is a - boomin ' ! " I was delighted and HOOKED . The roles were INCREDIBLY well - cast . And I know a lot of folks are down on Brad Pitt , but he is AWESOME in this . The first time I watched it , I spent a lot of the time wondering when Brad Pitt would be back on . I think this one isn 't for everyone . It 's a love it or hate it kind of movie . Some people I know are put off by it . I LOOOOVE it ! Stylish and fun is how I 'd sum it up . And I could quote the funny lines all . damn . day . But you have to actually SEE how well played those lines are . Interestingly , when we went to see this it 's because dinner ran too late for us to see District 9 . THANK GOD ! ! ! ! Because THAT piece of garbage would be very near the top of my Most Hated Movies list . And I without a doubt think Basterds is the best movie I 've seen in a few years . It 's a Wonderful Life - Whoa , big leap from a crazy Tarantino movie to a heartwarming Jimmy Stewart one . People tend to sort of roll their eyes when I mention this one . I think because it used to be on TV basically 4000 times a year . But did y ' all every really sit down as a grownup and WATCH the whole thing start to finish ? It 's so so so good . I think it offers the biggest sense of elation and love of humanity of any movie I can think of . George Bailey is sort of my hero . Just make sure your DVD isn 't scratched so that the movie cuts out before the last 5 minutes . Any of you who have actually seen the film will know how HORRIBLE that was when it happened to my husband . Who was so disillusioned that he never bothered to watch it in its entirety . Jaws - I think Jaws is a masterpiece . I really think it 's one of the most flawless movies I 've seen . It is just perfectly built . I mean , it inspired people forever after to be a little afraid of the water . I 'm not gonna lie , even in a particularly big swimming pool , I can rarely go under the water without being haunted by scenes from Jaws . A big part of the genius of the movie is the way that they establish the terror and establish the shark without ever really showing much of anything . And yet they show you everything . Just not in the obvious , gratuitous way that most scary movies do . And the scene in the boat at night when they drink and compare scars and Quint gives that chilling monologue ( awesome ! ) and they sing and the shark attacks ? I think that is the best scene I 've ever seen in any movie . It 's perfect . We came thisclose to naming our son Quint , that 's how much Brian and I love this one . L . A . Confidential - I ALMOST didn 't include this one . There 's no question that it 's a great movie , but I don 't know if it still makes it to my LOVE list . But then I started thinking about the opening scene , and how I had that memorized still , and I was instantly transported back to being 15 and being obsessed with this movie , and I couldn 't leave it off the list . This was back before anyone knew who Russel Crowe was ( I was in love with him as soon as I saw it . ) But the whole cast is amazing . It 's very noir , and the plot has some twists and turns . It 's very well made and cool to watch . I 'm not doing a good job of selling it , but this one actually is on Ebert 's Great Movies list , so there . Oh , one disclaimer , it is very very different from the book , for those who would care about that . A lot of people compare it to Chinatown , another good movie . Pan 's Labyrinth - This is usually the one that comes out of my mouth when people ask what my favorite movie is . I feel like I should stop that , as I don 't watch it all the time like some of these others and perhaps I 'm naming it because it makes me sound so cool to have this as my favorite movie . But I tend to describe it as dark and beautiful and terrible and totally magical . How could that not be a favorite ? Warning : it 's subtitled . It 's Mexican made , by Guillermo Del Toro , and set in Spain . It is absolutely a thing of beauty and rich images . It is very layered . Telling a brutal story , and connecting that so well with fantasy , fantasy that you don 't know whether to be delighted or terrified by at times ( and at other times , it is DEFINITELY the latter . ) And , while some people don 't like what I call " choose your own adventure " style endings , where you 're not totally sure what the reality is supposed to be , this one is perfect . Waitress - ( There isn 't an Ebert review for this one . ) I definitely can 't totally claim this as a Great Film ; it isn 't terribly deep or profound . What it is is delightful . It 's the closest on this list to being a Chick Flick , but it 's better than the vast majority of those . It 's a little quirky . It 's not about a woman who needs a man to feel complete . And our protagonist isn 't perfect and wholesome . But it 's such a nice story , sometimes funny , sometimes touching . It makes my heart smile . And it will DEFINITELY make you want to live in a small town and bake pie . So there you have it . Illustrated and everything . I tried to pick pictures that captured a scene or a theme that I really liked about the movies ( except , they didn 't have ANY pictures of the scenes I love Elizabeth for . ) I totally wish I could sit and watch all these with you guys ( and if you 're Matty , I pretty much have . ) Just talking about them , and finding the pictures and reviews made me get all wistful and emotional thinking about how each one makes me feel . There are other movies that make me say " Oh my God , I LOOOOVE that movie ! " ( Zombieland , Crimson Tide , the Fifth Element and Quiz Show come to mind . I also have A Few Good Men memorized line for line in its entirety , I have watched it so much . Oh ! And there 's an Irish movie called Once that I urge people to check out , and also it 's great soundtrack . ) And I really do appreciate the Great Greats . But these are the ones I would call my favorites . That was kind of fun ! Maybe soon I 'll have to type out my favorite albums or something . 20Apr2012 Movies I Love , part one Posted in Uncategorized by stephicakes Wanna know who I 'm crazy about ? Roger Ebert . He 's such a good writer , and he seems like a very interesting person . I think people miss what a good writer he is because they just don 't notice such things about film critics . He 's really unbelievably smart and thoughtful and I look up to him . I happened upon his list of Great Movies the other day . I have seen maybe a dozen or so from this very large list . I don 't go back and watch old movies that came out before my time very often . In relation to the general public , I 'm a little bit of a movie snob . In relation to ACTUAL students of film and REAL movie snobs , I am an imbecile . I could never make a Great Movies list . However , I sort of feel like making my own list of Movies I Love . Not all of these movies are Great with a capital G ( though some of them do appear on Ebert 's list . ) And there are movies not on this list that definitely ARE Great , Great films . Films that I can absolutely acknowledge and appreciate as fine specimens . From the always - agreed - upon greatness of Braveheart or Shawshank Redemption to some less - talked - about great movies like Traffic or No Country for Old Men . I think they 're great , too ! If I were making a list of like 25 or 30 favorites , I think those would all be on it . But those are all a little hard for me to watch over and over due to the upsetting factor . I don 't like my movies to bum me out TOO much . In movies , like in literature , I reject the unwritten rule that to be great , you must depress people . ( And yes , I realize that at least a couple of those are uplifting as well as upsetting . ) But this isn 't a Great Films list ; this is a list of the movies that I love . The ones that I actually bother to own ( which is in fact meaningful , as I don 't own very many DVDs that are actually mine . Brian owns hundreds . I just don 't have the time / money / inclination . So if I bother to own it , I really love it . ) These are the ones I get sucked into ANY time they 're on TV ( even though I own them . ) The ones I take time out of my busy life to watch over and over and don 't get bored with . Some people will judge me a rube for my unsophisticated taste . But hey , most women I know would have movie lists consisting almost entirely of romantic comedies and Rachel McAdams movies . At least I 'm cooler than that . The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - Yup , I 'm starting with this one . EVERYONE disagrees with me on this one , even Ebert . Their reasons are varied . I don 't care . I LOVE this movie . I find it epic , and tragic , and haunting , and sad , and beautiful , and life affirming . Seriously . Now , admittedly I first saw this movie at the theater a mere 4 weeks or so after Lola was born when Brian and I had our first night out after I became a mother . So , the parenthood themes hit REALLY close for me and my hormones . But it still holds up for me . It is beautifully shot and really well acted . Just reading quotes from the movie transports me and makes me feel sappy . And just makes me FEEL . This is a movie that really makes me feel . I actually begged Brian to let me name our second baby Benjamin , because every time I think of that name , I think of the remarkable Cate Blanchett saying it . He vetoed it , sadly . Juno - I didn 't want to watch this movie . It was so hyped up , which sometimes makes you sick of a movie before you even see it . Moreso , though , was the fact that I am really opposed to anything that makes teen pregnancy seem neat - o , and I thought this was one of those . I don 't remember what finally made me watch it , but I am a sucker for good writing , so that 's what hooked me . And then it turned out to be a really wonderful movie . Sometimes it 's just a LITTLE to cool for it 's own good with the dialogue . But mostly , it feels very honest . One of my favorite things about the movie is Juno 's parents . First of all , Allison Janney is SO AWESOME ALL THE TIME . But also , they are warm yet disappointed yet loving . Sort of how ACTUAL parents might be , and not caricatures like parents in movies often are . I think Ebert mentions that fact , also . Overall , it 's just a touching portrayal of good people and tough situations . I started with those two , not because they are necessarily my MOST favorite , but they are two that touch me deeply . Two that make me cry EVERY time , no matter how much I think I 'm not in a sappy mood . Just re - reading their Ebert reviews almost had me overcome by tender weeping just THINKING about watching them . 20Apr2012 Aw , shucks . Posted in Uncategorized by stephicakes Thank you thank you thank you for all of your kind words everyone . I realize my last post sounded kinda doom and gloomy , and everyone was so nice about it . I 'm starting to cope better with the stress I 've been feeling . Yay ! Now I just need the 70 and 80 degree weather to come back , and I 'll be right as rain . In the meantime , to distract myself and have fun , I 've been working on a couple posts that are not like anything else I usually talk about here , and were mostly for me for the fun of creating them . Bear with me . I bet by next week or so , I 'll be back to your regularly scheduled programming . I have so much going on right now . I don 't know if I 've mentioned , but Brian has a really bad back and is in desperate need of surgery and is in pain ( translation : is a crabby - pants ) all the time and can or will do almost nothing but lay prone on my living room floor . Also , Corbin 's been non - stop sick ( I seriously contemplated pulling him out of daycare as I spent my 3rd night in a row with virtually no sleep at all . ) And other stuff . TOO MUCH other stuff ! Basically , I 'm in a stressed - out , negative place and I 'm no good for blog posts . Unless you want ones that are like " Reasons I Cried Today " and " How to Resist Drowning Your Husband in His Cereal . " ( And by the way , that second one wouldn 't be any good anyway , I only am able to resist it because my husband doesn 't EAT cereal . ) If I come up with something I can 't resist ( I definitely have some thoughts on the Working Mother / SAHM kerfuffle right now that I may try to find some time to articulate , ) I will pop in . But otherwise , I 'll just try to get back to this when I can get back to a better place mentally . I hope y ' all will come back then . 🙂 Maybe I 'll get over my pity party sooner than later .
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14 Comments » The lovely author Nancy Kelley had this fab idea to swap posts this week and so I am thrilled to welcome Nancy here today ! We were chatting about how very often , when writing , the characters in your novel can behave unpredictably , and as much as we try to keep them in line they go their own sweet way and start demanding to change the plot ! Other problems occur when an author thinks she has resolved a carefully constructed plot , which suddenly falls apart because another character complains that they 've been left out or have not been given a big enough voice or part in the unfolding story . The eventual plot can be something of a surprise ! Here is Nancy to tell us about her experiences of the surprise plot when writing Loving Miss Darcy . Nancy is giving away an e - book copy of Loving Miss Darcy , open internationally - to enter , answer Nancy 's question below by leaving a comment ! The Giveaway is open for one week only - closes Tuesday , April 30th 2013 . Thanks to Jane for agreeing to trade places with me today . I love meeting new blog friends . Jane has posted on my blog , along with a giveaway ; make sure to check it out ! Every author , from the ones who plan out every detail to the ones who just write as the story comes to them , is eventually surprised by something in their book . The characters start doing something you hadn 't anticipated , or a plot development arises that you weren 't expecting . When I started writing Loving Miss Darcy , I was absolutely adamant that the main plot of the book would have nothing to do with George Wickham . This is Georgiana three years later , after all - wouldn 't she be over that by now ? From the perspective of the author , I knew that several other books had already investigated that plot line and I wanted to do something different . There followed six months of struggling with the book , trying to find the plot . Finally my good friend and critique partner told me I needed to explore Wickham . I fought and railed against it ( for reasons not wholly creative ) , but finally gave in . As soon as I allowed Georgiana the space to still feel shame for what Wickham had done , her personality and story unfolded beautifully . I hadn 't let her be herself , so I couldn 't see her story . Now the Wickham debacle plays a central role in the plot of Loving Miss Darcy . Though it was three years ago , she knows others would be scandalized if they knew . In this rather poignant scene with Richard , she asks how she 's supposed to marry a man without letting him know all of who she is . Loving Miss Darcy - Nancy Kelley Farther down the same corridor , Georgiana was less fortunate . No matter how much she tried to convince herself the argument with Richard had been over his mistaking her age , she could not lie to herself any longer . He and Fitzwilliam constantly insisted on recommending men who deserved her but … The thought grew in her mind that she must make Richard see how little she deserved his regard . Knowing his habit of slipping out of the house early in the morning , she did not tarry in her own room . As soon as light touched the eastern horizon , she dressed as best she could without any help from Annie and walked silently down the stairs to the breakfast room . A word to the maid laying the fire ensured a cold repast would be laid on the table soon , along with Richard 's preferred coffee . He stood still for an instant before turning to face her . " Good morning , Georgiana . I did not think to see you up so early . Why are you hiding in the shadows ? " She stepped into the light and shook her head . " It is hardly my fault it is still so dark - it is your habit of sneaking out that drew me from my bed , " she chided him . " I could not let you leave with yesterday 's angry words hanging between us . " " Look at me , Georgiana . " Reluctantly , she raised her eyes to his and sagged in relief when she saw no anger there , only confusion . " Our argument kept me up most of the night , and there is one point I do not understand . " She shrugged and ran a finger over the pattern of the tablecloth . " Most , but not all . Kitty is so much … friendlier than I am . She does not worry what people will think of her . " Richard took a swallow of coffee . " I see . And you do ? " Georgiana nodded . " Tell me what it is about London that bothers you so much . " Georgiana clenched her hands together in front of her . The food on her plate remained untouched , but she had no appetite for it . " You know enough of my past to guess , surely , " she said finally , seeing there was no way around it . A gravelly sound caught her ear , and she looked up at Richard . His hand clutched the handle of his mug so tightly that she honestly feared he would break it . " Richard ? " From anyone else , this level of anger would have quieted Georgiana . However , she was upset enough and trusted Richard enough that instead , she matched his vehemence with all the bitterness she felt . " Oh yes , of course I am - I am innocent of all but foolishness , but you know as well as I that not everyone will see it that way . How can we know which of those young men would not turn away from me when they found out the truth ? " She laughed , though she felt no amusement . " Oh , that is not fair to them , not fair at all , " she protested . " You cannot expect me to keep a secret like this from my husband . And if I am as innocent as you and my brother constantly proclaim , then why should it be a secret at all ? " Richard stared at her , gape - mouthed for some minutes . " I do not like to admit it , but you have a point , " he finally said . Georgiana spread jam on her thick slice of bread and took a bite before speaking again . " So I ask again , how can I know which gentlemen would understand and stand by my side , and which would run , or worse , try to ruin me ? The room was quiet for a very long time , and finally Georgiana wiped her hands on a serviette and rose from the table . " You see why I do not look on the idea of a Season with much pleasure , " she said . In the end , it is the threat of scandal that drives the final confrontation and climax . If I hadn 't let Georgiana surprise me , the book likely would never have been finished . What do you think ? How much long - term impact would Wickham have had on Georgiana ? Nancy Kelley - Janeite , blogger , and chocoholic - is the author of two Jane Austen sequels , His Good Opinion : A Mr . Darcy Novel and Loving Miss Darcy . Her third novel , Against His Will , will come out in fall of 2013 . If Nancy could possess any fictional device , it would be a Time - Turner . Then perhaps she could juggle a full - time library job , writing , and blogging ; and still find time for sleep and a life . Until then , she lives on high doses of tea and substitutes multiple viewings of Doctor Who for a social life . I took a walk to Hampstead Heath with a friend this week and took a lot of photos . The day had started fine but ominous looking clouds soon covered the periwinkle sky . Nothing could take away the beauty of the Heath and the surrounding area - it was wonderful to be outside again and looking at trees and plants springing forth . The magnolias in Golders Hill Park are not quite out but there were daffodils and irises , and blossom on the trees . The whole area is so wonderfully atmospheric . I 'm reading a couple of books at the moment with associations to Hampstead - one is a re - read , although most of the action is set in sunny Italy - The Enchanted April by Elizabeth von Armin - a favourite of mine . One of the characters , Mrs Wilkins , believes she has seen Keats crossing the road in front of his house . It 's a wonderful way to give an insight into her character - she 's rather dreamy and I imagine would not find seeing such a sight disturbing . Sadly , I didn 't see him , but I imagined that I felt Fanny Brawne walking beside me on the Heath - her grief almost tangible . It made me want to get out Keats 's poems and the love letters between him and Fanny - and also watch Brightstar , which I loved - a wonderful film directed by Jane Campion filled with haunting images . The other book I 'm reading and finding hard to put down to get on with any work is Justine Picardie 's Daphne . It 's so beautifully written , and a fascinating story about Daphne du Maurier 's passionate interest in Bramwell Bronte - all intertwined with Daphne 's life and books . I love Rebecca , My Cousin Rachel and Frenchman 's Creek , and Justine 's book feels like visiting an old friend . At every turn we could have bumped into Daphne du Maurier who lived at Cannon Hall as a child or J M Barrie who wrote The Admirable Crichton , in which her parents acted . And was that Henry James we spotted as he rounded the corner ? I could smell the paint as I passed Romney 's House and I swear I saw him watching through the window , cleaning his brushes on a paint - stained rag . With the size and furniture of the house Mrs . Dashwood was upon the whole well satisfied ; for though her former style of life rendered many additions to the latter indispensable , yet to add and improve was a delight to her ; and she had at this time ready money enough to supply all that was wanted of greater elegance to the apartments . " As for the house itself , to be sure , " said she , " it is too small for our family , but we will make ourselves tolerably comfortable for the present , as it is too late in the year for improvements . Perhaps in the spring , if I have plenty of money , as I dare say I shall , we may think about building . These parlours are both too small for such parties of our friends as I hope to see often collected here ; and I have some thoughts of throwing the passage into one of them with perhaps a part of the other , and so leave the remainder of that other for an entrance ; this , with a new drawing - room which may be easily added , and a bed - chamber and garret above , will make it a very snug little cottage . I could wish the stairs were handsome . But one must not expect everything ; though I suppose it would be no difficult matter to widen them . I shall see how much I am before - hand with the world in the spring , and we will plan our improvements accordingly . " The next extract is from Northanger Abbey . Isabella Thorpe writes to Catherine Morland from Bath . Jane Austen uses the season to illustrate Isabella 's silly and shallow character . Although she professes one minute to be missing Catherine and expressing her love for Catherine 's brother , in the next second she is talking about fashion and hats . Bath , April My dearest Catherine , I received your two kind letters with the greatest delight , and have a thousand apologies to make for not answering them sooner . I really am quite ashamed of my idleness ; but in this horrid place one can find time for nothing . I have had my pen in my hand to begin a letter to you almost every day since you left Bath , but have always been prevented by some silly trifler or other . Pray write to me soon , and direct to my own home . Thank God , we leave this vile place tomorrow . Since you went away , I have had no pleasure in it - the dust is beyond anything ; and everybody one cares for is gone . I believe if I could see you I should not mind the rest , for you are dearer to me than anybody can conceive . I am quite uneasy about your dear brother , not having heard from him since he went to Oxford ; and am fearful of some misunderstanding . Your kind offices will set all right : he is the only man I ever did or could love , and I trust you will convince him of it . The spring fashions are partly down ; and the hats the most frightful you can imagine . I hope you spend your time pleasantly , but am afraid you never think of me . " It must have been his sister 's doing . They were certainly no friends to his acquaintance with me , which I cannot wonder at , since he might have chosen so much more advantageously in many respects . But when they see , as I trust they will , that their brother is happy with me , they will learn to be contented , and we shall be on good terms again ; though we can never be what we once were to each other . " " That is the most unforgiving speech , " said Elizabeth , " that I ever heard you utter . Good girl ! It would vex me , indeed , to see you again the dupe of Miss Bingley 's pretended regard . " " I am certainly the most fortunate creature that ever existed ! " cried Jane . " Oh ! Lizzy , why am I thus singled from my family , and blessed above them all ! If I could but see you as happy ! If there were but such another man for you ! " " If you were to give me forty such men , I never could be so happy as you . Till I have your disposition , your goodness , I never can have your happiness . No , no , let me shift for myself ; and perhaps , if I have very good luck , I may meet with another Mr . Collins in time . " 13 Comments » I hope you 're all having a lovely Easter ! I am absolutely delighted to welcome Shannon Winslow , a fellow Austen Author , to my blog - she 's celebrating the release of her new novel , Return to Longbourn , and she is sharing an exclusive , never - before - seen extract with us today ! Over to you , Shannon . I was delighted when Jane invited me to stop here on my blog tour for my new novel Return to Longbourn . Writing this book was an absolute joy ! It was such a treat to have an excuse to spend time with Darcy , Elizabeth , and the rest of the Pride and Prejudice cast again , and to revisit Longbourn , Netherfield , and Pemberley . I pick up the story again about five years later ( after the end of The Darcys of Pemberley ) , when Mr . Bennet sadly passes away . With Mr . Tristan Collins ( the new heir to the Longbourn estate ) on his way from America to claim his property , Mrs . Bennet hatches her plan . The man simply must marry one of her daughters . Nothing else will do . But will it be Mary or Kitty singled out for this dubious honor ? Neither of them is too eager at first . Kitty cannot imagine how being married to anybody by the name of Collins could be even tolerably agreeable . And , by this time , Mary is comfortably settled in her chosen life as governess to the family at Netherfield . Well , perhaps I shouldn 't have used the word " comfortably , " for her employer , Mr . Harrison Farnsworth , is not an easy man to get along with . That was apparent from the first moment Mary met him , four years past : In those former days especially , the atmosphere at Netherfield altered perceptibly with the master 's presence . An air of apprehension crept over the place from top to bottom , as if the house itself held its breath in anticipation of some unknown outburst or accident . Thus , it required nothing more than Mr . Farnsworth 's suddenly coming into a room to start his wife and servants fidgeting and his children forgetting how to behave . Mary had observed the phenomenon from her earliest days on the premises , and she could not help but feel fiercely sympathetic on Mrs . Farnsworth 's account . " So , this is the new governess , " declared the lord and master at his first setting eyes on Mary those years ago . Mr . Farnsworth was not an especially imposing man to look at , being of no more than average height and build , yet his autocratic tone made even this simple statement of fact sound like a challenge - daring her to deny the charge . Rising to face him , Mary had only nodded curtly in response . " Yes , my dear , " his wife , who looked more frayed about the edges than usual , hastened to say . " This is Miss Bennet , Miss Mary Bennet from Longbourn . You will recall that I told you about her . She is a most accomplished and genteel young woman , and I am sure she will do very well by the children . " A maid , who had come in with the tea tray , cringed as she set it down with more clatter than she intended . " Must you make such an infernal racket ? " Mr . Farnsworth barked , darting an eye in the direction of the offender . " Sorry , sir , " said the maid as she shrank from the room . " The rest of you , out as well , " he said , pointing to the door . " Mrs . Farnsworth , kindly take your children and go . I wish to speak to Miss Bennet . " Mr . Farnsworth had once been a captain in the Navy , so his military bearing did not surprise Mary . Whilst the others scrambled to obey , she studied her new employer , taking his features apart one by one - the bristling dark hair , the deliberately narrowed cobalt eyes , the hard set of his mouth , and the prematurely graying beard . The beard , she told herself with devilish satisfaction , had probably been grown by way of disguising what would ultimately prove to be a weak chin . Yes , that must be the case . It was a trick she sometimes used to steady herself when confronted with an ominous problem , mentally dissecting it into a collection of smaller , more manageable bits . In the brutish case before her , she perceived one part tyrant and one part diffident boy , both covered over with a quantity of practiced intimidation . The gentleman did not appear so alarming under this analysis . He was formidable , not by true essence , she concluded . It was rather by considerable effort , as if he could only bolster his own confidence by cowering others . Judging from the prodigious scowl he wore , Mr . Farnsworth had next set himself the task of cowering her . " Well , Miss Bennet , " he commenced , slowly striding across the room with hands clasped behind his back and a cool , sideways gaze leveled at her . " Let us come to a right understanding at once . My wife may have engaged your services , but you shall stay or go according to my verdict . Is that clear ? " I 'm proud to report that Mary stood her ground , earning a degree of respect and a wary truce with her employer . Then , when his wife died , much of the fight seemed to drain out of Mr . Farnsworth . The effects of a tormented conscience , perhaps , for treating the woman badly while she lived ? These days , his moods are so changeable that Mary never knows what to expect when they meet - the old tyrant or the new man of enlightenment . The only truly safe course is to stay out of his way completely . So maybe Mary should consider making a play for Mr . Tristan Collins after all . Then she might end by being mistress of Longbourn instead of a governess forever . On the face of things , it shouldn 't be a difficult choice , especially when her returning cousin proves to be surprisingly handsome and excellent company . Still , it wouldn 't be easy to leave Netherfield and the three children she 's become attached to . And now Kitty has taken an interest in Mr . Collins as well , setting herself up as Mary 's rival . What do youthink ? Should Mary open herself up - to the possibility of romance , but also to the risk of emotional ruin ? Does she stand a chance with Tristan Collins against her younger , prettier sister ? Or is she fated to find her future at Netherfield ? Ms . Winslow has published three novels to date . In 2011 , she debuted with The Darcys of Pemberley , a popular sequel to Jane Austen 's Pride and Prejudice , For Myself Alone a stand - alone Austenesque story , followed in 2012 . And now comes Return to Longbourn , the next chapter of her Pride and Prejudice series . Thank you for joining me today , Shannon , on your blog tour and for sharing such a fantastic excerpt ! What will happen next for Mary Bennet , I wonder ? ! ! ! Read Full Post »
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I read the wrong email and my day is annihilated . I decide on physical labor , and drive to Reems Creek , where I buy ferns and shade flowers and ground cover . I dig up where the tomatoes and the cabbage failed in the rain , and I plant the plants . I dig an expansion of the shade garden , pulling the vines and their roots out by main force , cursing when they resist me , or when I think of what I read in the morning . There was a message that directly contradicted it , but the bad one is the one I dwell on . This is my proof for Satan . I know my attitude is sometimes Satanic , but there is nothing I am able to do about it . That , too , is Satanic . I feel like a chained dog that howls every time it is struck , and the wicked master decides to strike me until I stop howling . It is not going to work . But the garden looks great , and for once have slavered on enough mosquito repellent . Calm and lovely evening . Last night I sat at the desk by the front door and wrote poetry , and I was happy . Unearthed a grub almost as big as my hand . Had no idea what it was . I turned away , and when I came back to the dig , it was gone . Went downtown and met handsome actor friend Patrick Porter , vacationing at his parents ' in Old Fort . Wine and beer at Old South , the whole town passing by , assorted clouds and thunders passing overhead . We chit - chatted to our hearts ' contents . I had not seen him since the reading of Lincoln . " What have you been doing since ? " says I . " Fighting prostate cancer , " says he . That pretty much trumped everything . He 's fine now , and looked it . Lightning hit somewhere and the lights went , for a moment , out . Reached my car just as the downpour began . Oddly , I had dreamed that morning that I was in a kind of camp with Broadway producers , and , after listening to them for a couple of days , was just beginning to understand what they meant by what they said . Typically a string of students stay after Humanities class to chit - chat . Today the last one was literally trembling . The topic had been Egypt , and I mentioned , in response to a question about bible movies , that there was no independent or Egyptian confirmation of Moses or anybody else in the Old Testament , nor was the slave culture depicted in The Ten Commandments either verifiable or likely . She is a Southern Baptist , had been taken to Creationist Museums , had been told the world was a couple of thousand ears old and dinosaurs and humans coexisted and the like , and the heft of the conflicting testimonies was weighing her down . It 's hard keeping one 's patience at such a moment , for the weight of evidence , reason , and aesthetics is all on one side and only cussedness on the other , but I gathered myself and gave the Galilean explanation that the bible is really not for science , nor is it for history , and those who go looking there for those things are going to be needlessly frustrated . We 'll get soon enough to the contradictions in the Genesis creation stories , so I didn 't even open that door . I shared my personal means of avoiding the spiritual conflict , which , basically , is the conviction that God created and maintains the universe , and does so in the ways described by science . It 's so satisfying to me that I forget that to some it must seem like the sinful serving of two masters . What struck me , though , was her state of fright . I 'd never given her cause to be afraid of me . She kept apologizing for being nervous , and I couldn 't fathom quite what she was nervous about , unless somewhere inside she knew what she had been told was wrong , and in a few moments she would have to begin a journey that would take her away from the stories of her cradle . In elaborate dreams I have taken my sister to the opera in Regency London . We are dressed the part . I keep looking down on an elegant brown sleeve and jacket . I know all the right things to say and gestures to make , and because I 'm proud of being so , I think I am probably newly rich , or newly arrived in the capital . A line of peeresses pretend to be characters in the play , holding out cups for charity in the aisle as we exit , I put two coins in a cup marked , " livelihood . " Lord Byron passes us in the aisle , nodding slightly . I remark to my sister , " Just that was worth the whole evening . " First Cantaria rehearsal . We are big and enthusiastic . The tenors sound good . I 'm singing with the basses , so I don 't know whether we sound good or not . I do have to turn to the giant next to me and say " We need to be singing the same note . " Then he will aim at the note I warble into his ear , and miss , repeatedly , and everyone is listening , and I wish I 'd said nothing at all . Sing what you please . By my count it had been thirteen years since I talked to Nick . For some time he may have been my most important relationship , father and son , brother and brother , and then it was over . Met with him again yesterday down in Biltmore , and we caught up much as we could . Interestingly , he told the same story about the end of our friendship as I would have : too many affronts and betrayals , too much effort on one side and none on the other , too many occasions when he did what a friend would not , repaying with apparent contempt the gestures of love . Actually , he was harsher on himself ( and easier on me ) than I would have been . " I was hateful to you , so when you stopped calling , I thought it best to leave you alone . " Therapy and marriage and a good job turned him around . He was the same Nick , with the same enthusiastic attachment to his thoughts and dreams , but this time the thoughts and dreams are sane , and the alcohol is gone . He thanked me for giving him the world his imagination now inhabits . I have a non - addictive personality , so what people who are addicted to alcohol and drugs go through is difficult for me to understand . But the afternoon was good . Even if we never speak again , a tear in the fabric of my life is sewn up again , a question answered , a wound turned to a memory . When we were in Sligo , one of the sages of McGarrigles said to Nick , when I walked in the bar that Nick had inhabited for a while , " David , here is your Jonathan . It 's dangerous for you to get too far from him . " Nick resented it , but it was right . Reading for the Matthews Prize in the evening . Predictably , the first prize winning poem wasn 't very good , but I enjoyed the evening , and the people I met , and the effect my reading seemed to have . It 's the first time I ate at Mela without getting sick . The secret is gallons of water diluting the spices . One of the visitors teaches at Notre Dame , Baltimore , and I remembered to her the year I walked through that beautiful campus nearly every day on my way to Charles Street . Concert in Lipinsky lobby of Asheville Baroque . If I closed my eyes I thought I was in Wigmore . Sat beside Virginia , who was so pleased with her husband , after all these years . Thinness , dryness , which was what the voluptuous evening needed . An 88 year old war veteran is beaten to death by teenage boys in Spokane . They use heavy flashlights . Perhaps the photos online are prejudicially chosen , but they show the perps as ignorant punks who were bound to do such a thing sooner or later . The comments on the news article are , by and large , nearly as brainless as the deed itself . I sit here trying to figure this out . A few days ago two boys gunned down another boy apparently because they felt like it . That the murderers in these incidents are black sets the cause of ending racially profiling back a little . Is it race ? I think not , for the Republicans - who are overwhelmingly white - do the same thing in way that doesn 't cry out immediately " crime . " We live in a time when it 's OK to target the weak . We live in a time when what is right is measured by what you can get away with . Cops murder unarmed innocents , and then lie about it , plant false evidence , perjure themselves blue in the face , and get off without reprimand , so why not the boys in the hood ? We live in a time of tribalism , when you 'll show off for your buddies no matter how insane the stunt - limiting voting rights , shutting down the government , murdering an octogenarian , all the same . We live in a time when we expect respect though we are not in any way respectable . We want our opinions to be taken seriously even when they are pulled out of our ass . We resent being made to feel bad about ourselves even when we are maelstroms of violence and stupidity . I don 't even know what is a cause and what an effect . I know that the only way to survive from day to day is to shut out 90 % of the information flowing into the sensorium . Midday , sweaty and dirt - blackened after a bout with the garden . Up came all the wasted tomatoes , with their rain - swollen vines and rotted fruits . They are surprisingly robust . Gigantic spiders heave themselves around on the stems and in the treetops . Forty five years of writing poetry began on this date . Maybe I 'll pause around 9 PM , when I began to write my first poem in my little green room facing the street . I was lovesick then and I am lovesick now , though then it was rather more specific . Added another step to my bench in step aerobics . It made all the difference ; I was praising Jesus when the session was over . Zach gave me wild grapes from his yard , They exhibit the most invigorating spectrum of contrasting tastes . Kick great holes in my afternoons by needing sleep . What do I dream ? Of travel , of travel . I know what I must do , look on the calendar for when I can do it . First department meeting yesterday , informative , unremarkable , except for new and ever unfolding evidence of the determined effort of the administration to prevent the business of the university . There are always new sets of forms , new and wasteful methods of evaluation and assessment whose only actual outcome is to take away from the business of the university , which is first teaching and next scholarship , and nowhere at any point including exposure to the scrutiny of people who lack the ability to evaluate in any useful way . The administration dilutes our energy by demanding new forms and procedures whose only purpose is to justify their existence . Having nothing really to do ( that many of them , anyway ) they put us through exercises which they then evaluate . None of it is necessary , or helpful . Teaching and scholarship are the business of the university . Those who are not involved in those things grasp for every tatter of relevance , even if they have to invent it themselves . Everyone seems to be more patient about this than I . Maybe I wouldn 't think so if I were inside their heads . I sound like I 'm against evaluation , but I 'm not . I 'm against evaluation whose sole purpose and only conceivable use is to justify the paycheck of the evaluator . Putting together a chapbook for a contest . The poem are good . I feel my guts relax , stretch out , as though they had been afraid they weren 't . First day of the semester accomplished . It was sweet to see Evan and Ann , the new kids , eager in their offices , awaiting some challenge to meet , some enlightenment to impart . I caught myself crossing the pavement thinking " I have a job ! " as though I too were just starting out . The how - was - you - summer ? chat in the hall is probably the longest conversation I will have with certain colleagues . We don 't even try to tell ourselves it is enough . Fantastic dreams . I was tending a garden high on a hill over Istanbul . I walked a few steps farther than I had ever gone before , and a new world opened up , red mountains crowned with snow and shimmering with waterfalls . Art history dreams . Jason and I sat in a grotto - a great open cave with a waterfall at one end - - debating which painters had the best sense of composition . I said , " Daubigny " without , when awake , any sense of what his paintings look like . Dreaming about him made me try to find Hugh Schuckman . He 's an emergency room doctor in Akron , and , according to the reviews , apparently a bad one . We were all in love with him when he came back home all muscled up after his tour in the Marines . Vivid dreams before waking , mostly so complicated there is no way to tell them . But , as near as I can tell , in the last of them I was teaching in a high school . Hughie Schuckman ( who was in my Boy Scout troop ) was in my class . One of my friends was another teacher who had hurt her foot . It gave her relief if I pushed her along the polished floor rather than her having to take steps . Her husband taught at the school , and I thought it odd that he never helped her . I snuck an X - ray of her foot , and discovered it wasn 't an injury , but an apparatus in her toe which seemed to be spinning out a curious red - orange thread . There was some sort of contest going on among the homerooms , a contest which would be contended behind complicated screens like those on submarine movies . I wasn 't familiar with the equipment , so I yielded my place as captain of our team to Hughie . But my discovery of the red thread in my friend 's toe alerted everybody that something nefarious was going on . I think it was going to enable her husband 's team to cheat in some now - forgotten way . Last August was turbulent and wounding ; so is this one turning out to be . I suppose there 's something in the transition between summer and autumn that brings once face to face with unrealizable , or at least titanically difficult , expectations . Did greet the new faculty in the department ( sweet - faced and eager ) , finish syllabi . To the Apothecary last night for an evening of avant garde ( self proclaimed ) music . Most of it was just painful - and by " just " I mean that there was no other attribute but painfulness , and this was to some degree intentional . Alec was the exception . Alec was working out real ideas with real intention and some degree of virtuosity . He allowed the work to be sometimes beautiful . When the beauty came it was earned . As the prelude to discovery or splendor is the proper use for painfulness . He knew that . I didn 't hear everybody - I fled after the third and worst - but what I heard was badly digested ( and completely unconsidered ) theory which has become ( and became almost instantly ) a cliche . I understand the anger at and mistrust of personal expressiveness in music , but the time when the anger and mistrust were properly articulated as objective inexpressiveness was very brief and is long passed . I sat there blaming university music programs . You cannot teach inspiration . Maybe you 've even forgotten how to describe it , or know it . But you can teach the manipulation of electronic equipment , so that 's what you do , protecting your limitations by theorizing that 's what you SHOULD be doing . Musicians last night had let the machines write the music . Number three presented stabbingly loud sounds made by the computer , while he played nothing , but ran from one control board to another , twiddling dials . This is called composing because at some point the lad must have chosen what sounds the computer would make and for how long , but a cat on a keyboard can do that , and it might not have been the case at all . He may just have plugged the thing in and let it spew . Yes , he could explain it ( maybe ) , but art that needs to be explained is , finally , not art . Where was virtuosity ? I could make compositions of the same order after an hour tutorial on how to use the machines . In what sense is that art ? It 's sound - making , surely , but why present that as a created moment ? I amuse myself by playing interesting chords on the pianSweet climbing bleeding heart ringing its tiny golden bells . Wild clematis like a dusting of snow over the tops of the shrubs . The trip to the compatriot - honoring North Carolina Writers ' Conference cast my mind onto Ohio poets of the same ilk , and I remembered from Ohio History ( 7th grade ) the names Alice and Phoebe Cary . Turns out they 're interesting , and Alice by no means contemptible by the light of her times . She would have been less ornate had she lived later , but it cannot be helped . I ordered Alice and Phoebe Cary 's Poems from ABE Books , and received the 1864 edition ( probably printed in 1876 ) . In it are very old photographs , clippings from newspapers , a thank you note from 1894 . It was clearly a beloved and well - thumbed volume , with pages marked with yellow newspapers and specially beloved passages underlined . There seems to be a special classification of writer called " beloved " - the beloved poet James Whitcomb Riley , the beloved poet Alice Cary . Since I 've been thinking about this , my mind has found no example of a poet who was at once " beloved " and " great . " Frost comes to mind . He may be an exception , but those to whom he is beloved have not read him very closely . Tennyson ? I find him great , but for others he may veer into the beloved camp . Sister poetesses got me on to the Davidson sisters , Lucretia and Margaret , about whom I 'm trying to write a play . ABE sent me Female Poets of America edited by Rufus Wilmot Griswold , with editions ( and a snotty critique ) by H . H . Stoddard . The book is quite old , though I can 't find a date , and in it is , possibly , not one single line of distinction . Mr Griswold expresses the view that there is simply no point in looking in a a female for the same genius one looks for in a male . This would be hard to disprove , using his apparently exhaustive volume for proof . The argument - if I stated it with better care - is not idiotic , though certainly of its time , and touching on psychological differences which we would express in far different ways . You could shuffle the names of the poetesses over the poems and no one would notice , such is the sameness of vision and identity Quite sensational morning of painting yesterday . I am grateful for it . Meeting at the Apothecary - that - was confirming our intention to begin again at the Apothecary - that - is - to - be . Our new landlord loves as much as the old landlords squirmed at the thought of us . The boys are all happy and full of renewed energy . The YMI is a difficult places , because Black Asheville apparently wants nothing to do with it and everything White Ashevillians do there is problematic , either inappropriate or tokenism . Not that it ever was those things , but that people will seize any chance to use words like those to make themselves feel sensitive and offended , angling for some advantage , some moment of regard . A UNCA professor lectured poor Frank that even though no African American organization had wanted the space , we should have left it vacant to demonstrate that no organization entitled to it could afford it . David Starkey sniped at us from upstairs , his absolutely incomprehensible conviction of authority carrying him through one humiliation after another . But down in the River Arts District we are birds amid our flock . Nathan will probably premiere his Cthulu opera there . Went to school and put together syllabi . I was sad . It was maybe as simple at the fact that the radio didn 't work , and the computer said that the radio enabler of my wireless had been " disabled , " and of course I imagined the administration disabling it so we stuck to our work and didn 't listen to the radio . The sad part of that is that it 's not an entirely farfetched idea . Absolutely silent summer dawn . The Apothecary boys and I looked at a new space down on Depot Street , in the Pink Dog complex . Except for aesthetically , it is better in every way for us than the needlessly problematic YMI . The boys look for unexpected things in a space , but it is always good to listen to . It would be well for them to develop among them a culture of bathing , but in my long years among youth , I realize that young males go through stage . Maybe there just isn 't time . The health signs yesterday morning were deceptive . I did get up and go to Alma 's brunch , which was nice , but by the end of it I was sick indeed . Could not finish the lovely omelet . Came home , lay down and did not get up again . I was hot and monstrously heavy and unfathomably tired . I felt like a thick pool of lava . It is cool morning now and I feel better , though still tired . MR was the other guest at the brunch , which was ironic , as he was one who , because of sheer weirdness , I 'd resolved not to meet again . Alma and I discussed the next reunion , and who of the Class of 1968 would be the last one standing . Ironically , before Wednesday I had congratulated myself several mornings on a feeling of intense physical well - being . Never let the gods hear what you 're thinking . Relapse or set - back , feeling worse today than I did yesterday . Maybe the antibiotic isn 't strong enough . Violent plumbing - related illness during the night . A friendly invitation to Sunday brunch presents , now , whole field of dilemmas . Cooked mightily yesterday ( trying to use up the bounty of tomatoes ) , and now everything I cooked is sickening to me . But I did have a magnificent day at the studio , painting better - without the element of luck - than I have generally in the past . Reading E 's new book reminded me why I hate jazz . The his work possesses is the talent of improv , of riffing . It gives itself a theme or a character and goes to town on it , weaving poems out of streams of association . We all did this as eager undergraduates , but most of us let somebody beat it out of us . The streams of association almost never have a point or a revelation or a fresh understanding attached to them . They sound erudite but lack understanding of what to do with that erudition . He has the autodidact 's misunderstanding of what information is for . The work reminds me of those snakes that thrash their tails about in dry leaves so that they might be taken for rattlesnakes . This is also my feeling about jazz improv , which I never found the means to express before . It is a knot of associations , each knot like the other and leading not to a new thing but to a whole line of knots , the more repellent as they are the more showy or secret , almost always less interesting ( because more ego - driven ) than the original theme . This is also the difference between Baroque improvisation and jazz improvisation : one ornaments a thing or an idea , the other aggrandizes the improvisor . I hate jazz so much that perhaps I have misinterpreted it , but this explains my hatred even if it doesn 't justify it . E ( deliberately , now that I think of it ) lost his opportunity to learn what poetry is in order that he might start the sooner being taken for a poet . It is hard to condemn that very much , as it is the wasteful camouflage of this whole age . I 'd gone to the café to write ( thinking I might be inspired by that book , and be able to tell the author so ) , and was thwarted on all sides . Taking up all the terrace but my little corner was a boiling , stentorian , unfettered family , everyone screaming ( literally ) to be heard before her sister could be , shrilling out such a chorus of " Me ! Mine ! Mommy ! " as I 've never heard before Tiny feet were stamped , minds changed the tenth time at the ordering counter , plates grabbed and spilled , bodies hurled onto the ground in ecstasies of thwarted self - will . . There were three aggressive , selfish little girls and two boys apparently beaten into sullen submission on the periphery . Under the din , Mommy could be heard sometimes explaining the importance of making good decisions . The worst of the little girls would be sent to sit by herself in the car , but daddy would go immediately to comfort her and bring her back into the fold , where she would lose not one second in restarting the turmoil she had just been exiled for . No adult ever said " No " or " stop that . " Except once when the brattiest of them crashed against my table , demonstrating how far she wanted to get from her siblings . Mother said , " Don 't bother the nice man ! " The littler boy had gone to the toilet by himself , came back crying and wiping his eyes with his sleeve . His father said , " Did you go potty ? Did you go potty ? Did you go potty ? " I swear to God he repeated it fourteen times in that public eating space AFTER I began counting . I butted in once and ventured that the little sparrow opening and closing her beak on the chair frame was remembering the time when she would do that and mother would be there to stuff a bug into it . She was being weaned , as it were . If I thought this would distract them , I was wrong . The wail went up immediately , the shrilling chorus of longing to take care of the little bird ( which had long since flown away ) , and not as a family project either . . " I want to take care of it ! . . . NO ! I saw it first , I want to taI think now the extra bad feeling this morning is the fever breaking . I feel sweaty and ebullient . I have learned to recognize this as good . Brought concrete blocks to raise up DJ 's bed so it 's easier to get in and out . It 's still not quite at a normal height . Revised my dad - dying play into one half good , half bad into one quite good . You do that by taking out all the things you really wanted to say . Going to look at others while the mood it on me . I leave some projects a revision or so from perfection under the ( subconscious ) conviction that my pretty good efforts are better than other people 's finished products . I 'm not convinced this is untrue , merely something the gods won 't let me get away with . Missed two readings last night . You fall into wasteful arithmetic - " well , they didn 't come to MY reading . . . " My public excuse was that I was still too exhausted to drag myself out of the house once the sun was down . Daybreak after illness . One is very tentative , holding on to signs that it is gone , testing one 's strength , wondering , " do I go to the gym today for a very light one ? " . An odd pain low down on my abdomen started with the fever , and so I thought it was related , but it lingers ( worsens ) and the phrase " kidney stone " crosses my mind . That wouldn 't be fair : I 'm the most hydrated person in the world . It is completely and eerily silent at this hour . The tapping of the keys is the loudest thing in the world . Fever opens the mind to thoughts one normally compartmentalizes . I 'll spend at least the morning sorting those out , choosing the ones to consider and the one to slip back in the files . What a dark day . Rain kept Jason from coming . Mid afternoon I was down with a massive attack of phlebitis . Hours into it , lying on the couch , I answered a late call to hear that DJ had fallen and punctured a lung and broken some ribs . I was absolutely helpless , being unable to move farther than from the couch to the phone . Luckily he was with the Bryants , so all was well there . I am at least upright this AM , so what comes can be handled . The fever brought on ceaseless cycles of dreams about two competing rural ambulance services . Weird . My mind simply could not let it go . I am still sick enough to have made a typo in every other word . The thing to remember is that lies are not Satan 's only weapons . He can and does tell the truth , when the truth is damaging , or sorrowful now beyond hope . Get thee behind me . Thought I was going to get the truck an inspection after my workout at the Y , ended by spending $ 500 on the replacement of various objects and fluids . To be fair , I had not checked or replaced anything since I bought the dear thing , and it was time for a little attention . Hiked to Bruegger 's for coffee , noting how distinctive the coffee crowd was there from that at Edna 's or Starbucks , the places I habituate . Since I was already in the truck , I went to Reems Creek and bought a green - flowed hydrangea , snakeroot , sage , hyssop , black - eyed Susan , with much hacking and pulling got them all into the ground . Most of them were bought as quick - spreaders , brutal and greedy , to try to outrun the tangle of vines that have ruled Carolyn 's bank since time immemorial . I rather overdid , and spent the end of the day thinking I was exhausted and sick , when in fact I was only exhausted . A night , then , of the most fantastic dreams , radiant , lengthy , mythological . Perhaps I put that down to retiring stone cold sober . Bad day yesterday in the mind , but rather productive in things you do to get out of the mind . Attacked the thicket between my house and Carolyn 's ( with her fervent encouragement ) now that the biggest lumber has been cut out . Labors there include the added necessity of cleaning out clutter and garbage ( including , oddly , a number of potatoes ) which somehow got flung there . I guess she 's just a farm girl living on a city lot . Kelly wondered if another sweet gum limb had fallen , but I told her it was the arborists , and she looked wistfully up into the loftiest branches which still slightly over hang her yard and said , " What about those ? " I did not reply what was in my heart , which was , " I hope I 'm long gone dead before anything happens there . " But the best thing was getting back in touch with Jason . I cruised him on Facebook , and he accepted the cruise . I remember back in the day thinking about our friendship , how easy it was , how sustaining . how it accepted every new level one of us took it to . He was in a friend - lopping phase then , and I kept wondering if I would get lopped one day . I don 't think that 's exactly what happened - thank God neither of us said " What the hell happened ? " - but I missed him , and thought I 'd take a chance . He has a full - time teaching job at Lees McCrae in Banner Elk for next semester . His little boy is named Casper . Dark , silent . TE posted a new Facebook photo . I spent a long time looking at it . The face I loved with such then - unparalleled desire , with such constancy and hope , the love I took to the dark hills of Syracuse praying that it might be returned to me in some measure , praying that effort and determination might make him love me as mere association seemed not to be doing , the love that made me kid and giving and selfishly vengeful by turns , that face , which I would not have recognized had the name not been attached to it . He looks like his dad . He is an old wrinkly man , with slanted . happy eyes . I prayed that his life might come to nothing without me - that 's how bad it was - but have no idea where his life went at all . Nieces write under the picture how handsome their uncle is , and how they miss him . What does that tell me ? That he went where I did , only me without the handsomeness and the missing ? Don 't know , am afraid to ask lest the answer be silence . I would have been a better man had he said yes to me , the tree of bitterness forced to take a different root , or none at all . Perhaps I should tell him that . Good time at the studio . Ample nap time under the near - perfect skies . Got my new glasses , which I suppose provide better vision , but which at the moment are making me sick . The gynocracy at the optician 's instructed me in every detail of care and adjustment . Neil Simon 's The Sunshine Boys at SART . Simon knew how to write ' em , so they clicked along like little clockwork toys . Despite classy acting , not a memorable evening of theater . Dear God , R has gotten old ! Drinks at Avenue M , chat with handsome Jake , then hollowly to bed . Remarkable network of dreams before waking , which I know are connected with my anxiety over The Falls of the Wyona . In the dream I suddenly remember the publisher who was keenly interested in my work , the agent who was enthusiastic and dying to see the next thing I produced . Of course , there were no such people , and my conscious mind tries to correct my dream mind , but the dream mind recognizes the layering of reality , and I know on all levels that I 've dreamed of these people before , and they have the kind of reality that comes from a kind of experience . Dream mind makes conscious mind believe that prolonged disappointment has merely made it forget , so we plunge into the search . I find the agent in a gigantic ultra - modern office building beside an airport . She is interested . We discuss the text ( which she has miraculously read ) in depth . Of course , the book is not my book , and I learn it as we discuss it . On the page it looks like the Talmud , text in the center and annotations all around . She gives me a new copy of Pound 's Cantos , saying , " See , even the great ones get remaindered . " Then I hear Maud throwing up in the kitchen . The famous writer who was interested in me is visible even now , standing in front of a brick building at Exeter or Cambridge or somewhere , alive inside my head as though it were a cinema with two reels running at the same time . In the Cafe So , a year ago today I was in Sligo . I had to read my journal to remember what actually happened , the time is so shellacked over with a sense of sadness . Today is better for me , though I am not in Sligo but in the local café , watching a candidate for mayor work the room . I told him I favored Esther Manheimer and what could he do to talk me out of it , and he passed on . News boils over on all sides that the State has revoked the license of the local abortion clinic . One should not be surprised by any atrocity committed by our vandal legislature , but still one is , expecting reason or compassion to enter the argument somewhere . They do not . The Republicans are naughty stupid boys who stole the keys to the clubhouse and mean to do as much damage as they can before they 're tossed out . There 's not even a sense of shame or self defense among them , they play so purely to one another , without regard to any discernible constituency . Women on Facebook blame this on The Patriarchy . I confess that I have no conception of Patriarchy , and though one may say I don 't see it because I 'm part of it , my perception is that men are as baffled by this tyranny as women are . The words " the patriarchy " describe nothing real , to me , though one hardly dares to say that in public . If men are in office , it is because women voted for them . Are women really controlled by men against their wills ? If that has been the case , I don 't understand why it continues to be the case . I read somewhere that no rule can continue without the consent of the people ruled , and I believed it . Were I a woman would I think otherwise ? No way of telling . On the other hand , a female - devised - and - driven Nazism is inconceivable . There is something in the male mind that allows self - satisfied group decisions ( I suppose it has something to do with cooperation in the hunt ) , without the clear impulse to distinguish between helpful group initiatives and dreadful ones . Maybe that 's the patriarchy , the male tendency ( and I recognize it in me ) to turn temporary consensus into inflexible and eternal rule . Oh well . If some woman passed out flaming torches and wanted to lead us to burn the State House , I would follow her . Submerged in something , don 't know exactly what . I suppose a renewal of the old War with Heaven , though as the years pass the stakes get lower and the engagement less dire , as the prospect of any reasonable reward for victory thins . What if I should receive everything I labored for through the years this very minute ? One cannot really call a change at the end of life a change of life .
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Well , here we are , a little late for cards , but we all managed to get in the same spot in the house at the same time . Philip told me , " Mom , please don 't show that picture to anyone . We all look like we just got out of the institute . " I 'm not sure which institute in particular he 's referring to , but I don 't entirely disagree with him . In case you 're wondering , Philip is the one clutching at his collar in a mute gesture of escape . His brother almost managed to hide , but the camera still caught a glimpse of his face . Emma is , like always , happy because she 's not a teenager yet . Anyway , we want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas from our little corner of the world . Hope it 's a great one ! I want to thank everyone who emailed me their thoughts on writing groups , and here is my collective response : writers ' groups are great if they work for you . Maybe they support you in some way that is necessary for you to go on writing . They are just not for me , and I need to spend what little time I have actually writing . So while I appreciate offers to join online critique groups , I like figuring out how to revise on my own . Just the way I work . And I think I 'm more ruthless on myself than nice people would be . Besides , I have to spend my online time looking up obscure facts about polar bears and peacocks so I can look at the clock and think , " OMG , it 's 1 : 45 and the boys will be home in 17 minutes , and I haven 't started revising yet ! " It makes me really use those 17 minutes constructively . Unfortunately , another way I work : the Internet is my endless encyclopedia of trivia . And while I 'm sort of on the subject of writing and writing groups , I had no idea so many folks out there are aspiring to be writers , and YA writers in particular . It seems to have exploded , and I feel like Rip VanWinkle . Where did all these people come from and what were they doing before ? In reading some of these emails , I found out a lot that I didn 't know , so I started snooping around the Internet to see what they were referencing . Now , admittedly , I am not a writer involved in many literary social loops - okay , no literary social loops - but I discovered a huge business has sprung up to cater to the aspiration of being a writer . There are workshops run by editors and former editors who charge mightily to critique your manuscript and make it publishable . ( Can / do they guarantee that ? What if that manuscript is still lingering in your hard drive three years later ? Do you get a refund ? ) There are conferences and weekend retreats and retreats combined with spa treatments to relax you so you can write better . So a sea kelp facial and then a little plot tweaking ? Oh , sure , I get that . And none of these are cheap . Then there is a strange fellow tePosted by Between getting over a horrible cold and finishing up finals at the college , I have been away from the computer for a few days . When I sat down to open my email , I found six messages about an article I wrote that just came out in the January Writer magazine . The jist of the article is that I don 't or wouldn 't function well with a writers ' group . For me , writing is an act best done alone , and in silence - - two conditions that are pretty rare in my day - to - day life . Still , I obviously find time to write since I publish on a regular basis . But I hardly ever watch tv , and I don 't go out . Seriously . I 'm not sure how people who work , even part time , and have kids and write go out to parties or have other couples over for dinner . When someone says they are " dropping by " fear strikes my heart because I have to get the laundry baskets off the couch , put the baby gate up for the dog , find a spot to hide the vacuum , and try to act as if we don 't live like gypsies with pillows on the floor and books all over the place . I just shut the boys ' bedroom door because in there , it 's just hopeless . And a little scary . Anyway , that tangent is done . The point is this : I 'm allowed to say that I don 't like writers ' groups , or critique groups , and that I don 't think editors are always right . I guess that 's arrogant . At least according to the email I received ( so far 4 " against " the ideas expressed in the article ; 2 stating they feel exactly as I do about writers ' groups ) . The arrogance is because I don 't take criticism of my work to heart . I stuff it away in the desk for a few days , or weeks , then look at it later and decide if the editor was right or not . After all , it is MY writing , and I may have a different vision of it than that editor does . And that probably explains why there are so many editors in the world . It 's a little like dating . . . I probably should have stopped writing there , but I went on to say how writers ' groups are something I just can 't stand . " I wouldn 't be able to go on without my writers group , " one email said . That 's Posted by This is just a collection of entirely random stuff since I have a low fever today and I am stuck in the house and really tired . I am almost never sick ; I think it 's been two years since I even had a cold . I figured I would put our dog , Mazy Blue , on the blog because she has nothing to do with this blog and that 's kind of the point of randomness . First random thought : I like pie . I mean , I really like pie . I think when I am in the home , wild with dementia and not wanting to go to the doctor , the attendants will tell me , " But Anne , anyone who gets their check up gets a slice of pecan pie . " I 'll knock the attendants over to get on board that cardio van . I feel really bad that I have gotten so many emails from people who practice cutting . I did blog about it twice , but I don 't know that much about it . In fact , I had never heard of it until right before I blogged about it . I know I emailed some of you and said I had no plans about writing a YA about cutting when you asked . I think I might write my next YA with a character who cuts , but it wouldn 't " be about cutting " the way some other books are . This is only in the planning stages , sort of being thought about . So maybe yes to that question . I listened to an interview with the Pregnant Man who weirds me out beyond belief . Am I the only one who thinks of Horton Hatches the Egg when s / he talks ? Or have I read one too many children 's books ? Right now , I am reading Feed by M . T . Anderson - - it 's amazingly good . Not an easy read for teens , but he reminds me of what Ray Bradbury was to the 60 's . I can 't stand Tyra Banks . I hardly ever watch tv , but this morning my eyes hurt too much to read , so I put the tv on . Does anyone like her as much as she likes herself ? My daughter tried to create a curved ruler last night to measure round things . I have 37 papers to grade by Monday and I haven 't started Christmas shopping . There is probably something very wrong with the lives of people who send me holiday cards that arrive the day after Thanksgiving . Speaking of holiday cards , do any of theiPosted by Over Thanksgiving , we went on a long car ride where I found out my daughter believes the ghost of a little girl is living in our house , that my middle son knows an endless number of jokes involving butt lint , and that my oldest guy absolutely can never again eat five Fiber One bars before getting into a car on a cold day when the windows cannot be opened . Absolutely never . The night before , we had watched the Duggar family , all seven thousand of them , going on a car trip . ( They 're that family somewhere in a place like Arkansas or Omaha who have seventeen kids and one on the way ) The older girls took care of the younger kids . They sang songs about Jesus . No one shouted or swore or fought over not sitting in the middle or whether or not doughnuts are as toxic as Mom claims they are . I really like the Duggar family , even if they wear prairie clothes and have scary hair . They 're sort of our family in the anti matter world . There are only five of us , and five animals , and we listened to Pink Floyd in the car , then Bing Crosby Christmas carols for Emma . Bing didn 't last too long with this crowd . My daughter , who is the only ten year old on the planet ( and possibly on other planets ) who dislikes Hannah Montana , finally decided on Evanescence . When that ended , we argued for a few miles . Philip kept snapping pictures of us in the car ( we took none at the holiday table ) with his phone . Our memory stick on the camera is full , and we forgot to buy a new one . So here we are , candid and ragged . Sixteen Year Old in Thirty Mile Electronic Trance : Philip and Emma After Agreeing on Music : Sneak Shot of Mom : And an image I found on my phone today that I 'll bet you Mrs . Duggar would never find on hers : That image is from Pink Floyd , a band I listened to at least twenty years ago , and that my two boys now really like . I think it 's kind of a teen 's way of saying hi , or maybe something along the lines of thanks for telling me the stories behind songs like Shine On You Crazy Diamond ( and not making it sound like English class , though I did Posted by I spend a lot of time on this blog talking about my kids and not about writing . I remember a college psych teacher once said , " Ask people what they are in one word , and see what they say . " It was one of those moments where you think , Right , I already sort of knew this . I would answer that question by saying , " Mom " - - though I have plenty of friends with kids who say they don 't think that way . They would answer , " writer " even though they have never published anything . It 's strange the way that works - - I think of myself as a mom , then probably a writer even though I 've been pretty well published . I think I should probably talk more about writing since I 've been getting increasingly frequent emails from people asking me questions about writing . I try to answer everyone , but here 's why I don 't talk so much about writing : I don 't really know anything . I don 't fully understand how the process works or what helps writing or what hinders it or why one novel falls flat and another hums along . I think writing may be a process that works when we are not totally aware of it , if that makes sense . I do know I don 't spend a tremendous amount of time planning what I write , okay , fine , I don 't spend ANY time planning ; I just sort of keep the story in the back of my mind , then when the house is quiet , I write it all down . I spend a lot of time revising . Easily as much time as writing , and sometimes more . I think revision and rewrites are the heart of publishable work . And that 's it . I don 't have any tricks and I think that 's why people are emailing me : they think there is some shortcut , some magical method that will guarantee publication . There isn 't . Trust me . I like the quote on this blog from Maugham : it matches how I feel exactly . Right now I have a really tough editor . I 'm revising a middle grade , geared for the 8 - 10 year old set . It 's harder than I thought it would be ( mostly because I took advice from people who read a lot of middle grade literature and I didn 't just sit down and write it out like usual ) She is a huge consumPosted by Report cards came Friday afternoon . So after spending most of Friday evening " discussing " the importance of doing school work and not spending so much time with video / myspace involvement with my two boys , we decided ( meaning I came up with the idea and they silently disagreed ) they needed to do more community service . Christopher is still trying to come up with what he wants to do ; Philip opted to be a volunteer waiter at a veterans ' pre holiday luncheon . He thought it would be a quick and easy way to salvage his weekend plans . Of course first I had to explain to him the importance of veterans , how his grandfathers and uncles and cousins had all served in various wars . He gave me the " OMG , will she ever stop look , " then went off to what he thought , I think , would be a pizza party . I should say here that Philip is a really sensory kid : he has trouble looking at the " subnormal " folk who frequent certain Walmarts , and any shows involving childbirth or poxes or deformity cause him to lurch from the television . He was the kind of baby who couldn 't stand seams in his socks or the touch of wool . Very little has changed in that department over the years . Ten minutes into the holiday luncheon , I get this text : MOM SAY I ' M SICK COME PICK ME UP FROM HEREI had his brother calmly text back : MOM SAYS U HAVE 2 STICK IT OUT The next SOS came : I HAVE A BAD HEADAKEI didn 't anwer ; I figured I 'd tell him the veterans had to stick it out once , too . When I picked him up , he was flushed and exhausted . " They 're like old pirates , " he said , " Oh my God . You have no idea . No idea . " " What happened ? " I asked . " First of all , most of them were missing something . Like an arm or something . " " Right . They were in a war . " Sigh . " And every time I asked them what they wanted to drink , they said , ' how ' bout a Scotch and soda ? ' Like every one of them and they laughed each time . And they only had soda or water or coffee . " " Okay . " " Then this guy says to me , ' Son , straighten that flag . " " What did you do ? " " I straightened the flag . Then he says , ' Now set me up with thosPosted by On Sunday , a friend of mine , or a woman I used to know , stopped by my house . We are around the same age , and we briefly attended the same college . She found me on the Internet , and said she would be in the area . I felt obligated to invite her - I 'm not sure why I felt obligated since I never a ) really knew her well andb ) never really liked her all that much . Anyway , let 's call her Agatha since that name suits her . Agatha is unmarried , child - free ( this is my understanding of the new politically correct term for the sane ) , and has become something of a self help group junky . I sort of knew this from her holiday cards , but when she was there , in the flesh , it occurred to me that Agatha and I had about as much in common as Iceland and Somalia . She sat on my couch while three cats dozed in chairs and our gassy German shepherd wagged her tail . She was gassy because there is a bog near our house with these wonderfully graceful geese and Mazy had dined on goose poop during her previous night 's walk . You can imagine the fragrance . ( I did put the dog in the laundry room . Hey , I 've got some manners left ) . Agatha wanted to talk . Talk ? My husband works all day Sunday and we had two kids in the basement who were there because of serious trouble at home , plus my own three kids , and a month long houseguest from Malaysia . I put coffee on and tried to listen to Agatha 's long , dusty stories about restaurants she had gone to in Italy , Germany and France . It seemed all the art and attractions in Europe had been replaced by restaurants . " It 's difficult to talk in this house , " she said with sort of an edge . I nodded . " There are kind of a lot of us here today . " " I could never do this , " she said , " it 's crazy with the phone and all these kids . Have you thought about why your life has gotten this way ? " I could feel the presence of invisible self help people gathering around Agatha , ready to assess my life . " I guess choices , " I said , pointedly glancing at the microwave clock . " Would you like any more coffee ? " HINT , HINT , HINT ! ! ! ! " Love some , " sheAnne Spollen My son , pictured above in a moment of Halloween happiness , ( and the only kid who doesn 't care if his picture is here ) , nicknamed me the Justice Mom about three years ago when he was 11 . " It 's like as soon as I tell you something happened in school , you have to fix it and tell people about it . All the other moms just let it go . " He grumbled this , but he still told me stuff . ( Okay , maybe there was a little prying ) . But I knew what he meant . I did call the principal about busy work built into curricula and teachers who read newspapers during instructional time ; I talked to bus drivers about fighting and asked a group of cafeteria aides why they sat chatting at a table while a boy was clearly being bullied . I did all those things . And I wasn 't nice and relaxed and happy when I did them . So , with all three of my kids , we had conversations like this more than once : Child : Ok , Mom , I 'm going to tell you something but only if you promise not to be the Justice Mom after you hear it . Me : I can 't promise that . But why don 't you tell me anyway ? Child : Well , if you 're the Justice Mom about this , I 'll get into big trouble . . . Me : Go ahead and try me . Look , am I holding the phone ? Do I have keys to go anywhere ? Child : I better not . You 'll go up to the school tomorrow when I 'm not home . Me : I have pizza rolls . Why don 't you sit and talk to me while you have pizza rolls ? Child : All right , I 'll have some pizza rolls . But I 'm only telling you the beginning . . . The Justice Mom has been quiet for quite some time . But on Halloween night , she rode again , with her kids ( well , two of them ) watching . She couldn 't help it . A man came down the street wearing a sheet . He looked over at a two or three year old Cinderella and ran toward her . She screamed . Now , I don 't get what 's funny about that at all , but he was being egged on by a bunch of beer - fueled adults who thought it was really , really funny that the little girl was running down the street , clearly terrified . But the " ghost " wouldn 't stop chasing the little girl - who was by now sobbing . So I walPosted by Last night , I had to grade two folders of college essays ( translation , people are paying for my judgment , so I had to be focused ) , catch up on the never ending stories of laundry and food shopping after teaching a nearly three hour class . I went to bed around 2 or so , and at 5 : 30 this morning , my fourteen year old woke me up with this sentence : " Mom , is it possible to give yourself a tattoo with a Bic pen and a lighter ? " Now , if you recall , he is the same fourteen year old who recently pierced his lip with a needle and a match ; he currently sports " snake bites " - - double lip piercings - - after the proclamation by a bevy of eighth and ninth grade girls that he looked , indeed , " way hot " with the one piercing , he decided to go for it . We now have a pact that if any other punctures appear on his body , the computer will be brought from his room to the basement - for the rest of his mortal life . So that 's what 's new here . And we finished our costumes . His younger sister has been obsessed with fairies for most of her very young life , and has trick - or - treated as a fairy every year . This year , she fell in love with a half angel / half devil costume , and for the first time , I thought , a little wistfully , we won 't have a Halloween fairy . But fear not in the life of raising teens : my son , the six foot one inch basketball center who is currently tugging on size 12 1 / 2 sneakers , decided it would be really funny if he went as a fairy . Borrowing one of his sister 's creations ( and adding several new layers for length ) this is the result : Happy Halloween ! When I was ten , all I wanted was pierced ears . My parents told me that was a habit of people who were more from " the tropics " than we were , ( still not sure what that means ) but I begged them . Okay , maybe I was around nine when I decided to get my ears pierced , and it actually occurred when I turned eleven . Yup , I begged on and off for two years . Then one day , my mother relented . It hurt . I got a terrible infection . When everything finally healed , I realized I had made a mistake . I didn 't even like having pierced ears . But I couldn 't tell them that . Ever . I told my friends , but not my parents . So when my son came to me and asked if he could get his lip pierced two years ago , I shuddered . I explained how you shouldn 't interrupt a mucous membrane like the lip , how it reminded me of Goths and scary , dark undercurrents like Satanic worship . So I guess that was my " tropics " - we , a nice family , don 't have children with lip rings . Then I remembered how my friends and I used straightened out paper clips to try and pierce our ears . We slept with " progressive rings " in our ears that were supposed to painlessly and progressively pierce our ears . I was so glad that my son was not like I had been , that he had taken my response so reasonably . So when I went into his room the other day and found him with a match , a bottle of alcohol and the sewing box , I knew exactly what had happened . He had a new lip ring , made with a sterilized pin from the sewing box we keep right in the living room . He looked at me and said , " I know . I 'm probably grounded . Just tell me for how long but don 't ask me to take the lip ring out because it has to heal . " I was speechless . At least he had used heat to sterilize the pin , he had smeared Neosporin on the puncture and inserted a surgical steel ring . He explained how kids in his school were piercing a lot of body parts and he had been watching them for . . . well , two years . He knew I would never say yes . I didn 't ground him . I explained to him , sort of inanely at that moment , how most beauty is based on mutPosted by Every once in a while , when the phone , the texting , the computer and the non stop hectic pace of our lives gets to me , I have to leave for a few days and not be found . Sort of . It 's pretty difficult not to be found in 2008 , but a friend of mine has a house in a mountainy spot of Pennsylvania and she is generous enough to invite us for weekends . There 's no cell phone reception there , a couple of religious stations on the tv ( the kind that ask for a prayer and a check ) , a lot of fog , deer , and silence . There is usually general protest on the way there about not being able to contact their friends or get any of the good tv shows , and as they complain , I just keep driving . I think it 's good for them to be forced to spend time with only their parents , or maybe it 's just good for me , but either way , it 's gonna happen . We found a festival they could stand since it had some old trains ( steam powered that still ran ) a haunted jail with a dungeon , and this church with architecture that made them stop for a few seconds : Thinking ( hoping ) it might be haunted , two out of three of my kids stepped inside and actually went into the chapel and sat down voluntarily . I had to take their picture : What was the point of all that time in the car and all that quiet ? I was able to figure out how I need to change my last manuscript so it 's a bit less wobbly , and the kids spent the way home talking to each other and to me and their Dad . They did text , but only a few times , and mostly they talked about kid stuff like ghosts and Halloween and how much they still really , really like candy - all three of them , even my 16 year old . I like just talking to them . They are so wired all the time to their electronics it 's almost as if we exist in parallel universes . I know my two boys are learning independence while spending all that time with friends . And that 's really important , but so is learning about their little sister 's trouble with a boy on the playground or how their parents once dressed up as his and her mummies . It sounds so weird to say I taPosted by On Saturday , my daughter , husband and I went to the Collingswood Book Festival . Now , my husband reads primarily bicycle and computer magazines , and after reading the first five pages of my novel said , " It 's all I need to read to know it 's good . " My daughter just turned ten , so she can 't even read YA - she tried , but went right back to Diary of A Wimpy Kid . Amazingly , they both found things to do there . My husband became fascinated with a " Tiki Bike " ( there probably is a proper name for this , but I don 't know what it is - it had a tiki bar roof and it rolled ) , and he got to talk to all the recumbent bike building people who stood on the fringes of the festival - - he was so happy to find those kindred souls . Anyway , here 's a cell phone shot of the Tiki Bike . I think five people can fit on it : And my daughter found a make your own Wimpy Kid diary workshop , tons of homemade cookies , and this : There were lots of authors , books , and street fair type anomalies ( bubbles , gigantic , walking sharks , Cliffords , Dr . Seuss and retirement age men wearing wizard hats ) . Mostly teenagers stopped to talk to me , and several people thought I was a conservationist writing about the " shape " water was in ( like something connected to the melting of the polar ice caps ) . I had one man dressed entirely in black slither up to me . " I 'm a demonologist , " he said , " would I like your book ? " I told him he probably wouldn 't , then tried to act busy , which is not easy when all you have is a table , copies of your novel and some business cards . He asked if there was a sucubus in the book , and when I told him no , he moved along . The funny thing was how many adults came up to me and told me they liked to read YA . I acted so surprised until my daughter looked up from her American Girl magazine and said , " So you like it so much you write it , and you 're an adult . " Duh ! She 's right , of course . I have always read YA and MG books , but I never admitted that until I published one . The other weird moment was right after a couple of teenagers told me how much they wanPosted by So the other day , I got a good review from my students in a course evaluation , my article got accepted in The Writer Magazine , I sent my second YA in to Flux , the always lovely Marcia Hoehne mentioned me in an I Love Your Blog Award , and my best friend won $ 1000 . 00 in a lottery scratch off . It was one of those afternoons when you think how everyone who told you not to : - have a third child - leave a good teaching job - move out of stateor - write ( ever ) was wrong . Really wrong . I was feeling like I was pretty cool , and I don 't feel that way too often since I am solidly middle aged and have been known to wear old maternity pants backwards to run to the store . ( When I do this , my kids slink down in the seats as we drive ) . Then my kids came home and I was quickly deflated . First , the boys came home , and asked me why I didn 't text them back about a question they had about an afterschool game . " I never figured out how to text , " I confessed . This caused disbelief , guffaws , and glances of sympathy . " So , like , how do you talk to anybody ? " " On the phone . Email . In person . " ( Poor old thing glances ) " Mom , you don 't call a car a horseless carriage , do you ? " my oldest boy asked . " She doesn 't have an AIM account either , " my middle guy offered ( meaning - - she isas hopeless as they get ) So fine . Leave that stuff to high school kids . Then my daughter 's elementary school bus came . I knew I would be redeemed . She gave me the wonderful news that she had a book report due . Now I , along with six other people on the planet , loved book reports as a child . ( This gene is rare ; none of my kids inherited it ) . " Oh , that 's great ! Do you want to do a diorama ? I have shoe boxes in the basement . Or did she say you could do a timeline ? Those are such . . . " " Um , Mom , " Emma says ( patiently , slowly ) " I also have poster board and new acrylic paint . . . what ? " She is trying not to laugh . " We don 't do those now . I have to do a web page for my book , okay ? " " A web page ! But you 're ten ! And you weren 't even ten last month ! " " It 's okay ; I already know how to do it . But you can checkPosted by Because I worry as a part time job , I have been reading about a new pastime among teenagers . It 's called a pharm party . The basic idea behind it is to swipe a bunch of leftover prescription pills from the medicine cabinet , get a group of kids ( usually eighth grade and above ) who also bring swiped prescription meds , then open the capsules , smash the tablets , and mix everything into a big hodgepodge that is sniffed , snorted or swallowed . The psychoactive swap can be anything from antibiotics to blood pressure meds . The drugs of choice , or so it 's rumored , are pain killers . Now , I am still stumped by the thought of cutting parties . So when I read about these parties , I marched straight into my boys ' room with the paper . They were sprawled on the sofa , texting while blank homework worksheets littered the floor . This is how it went : Son 1 : " Hey Mom , why do you look so worried ? And do we have any ham left ? " Son 2 : " The rest of the pizza rolls are mine . Don 't touch them . " Mom explains about pharm parties . The boys laugh . Son 2 : " That 's ridiculous . No one does that . You would get so messed up . " Son 1 : " You should stop reading so much . So can you make me a sandwich ? " So , in my usual relentless manner , I asked the kids I worked with , both first year college students and high school students , if they had heard of pharm parties . They shrugged . None of them knew anyone who had ever participated in one , yet this is all over the media . And everyone knew what I meant immediately ( except my two sons ) . When all else failed , I turned to that mecca of youth culture communication : I asked Son No . 2 to do a pharm party search on myspace . Now , I do know that the kids there will post just about anything , and very little showed up about pharm parties . It seems this idea was first reported by the ( National ) Center for Addiction and Substance Abuse ( CASA ) . Then it was on a few of the daytime talk shows , but apparently , and thankfully , the pharm party is largely a mythical creation of the media . Sure , kids probably get together and barter some of thePosted by A lot of people think I 'm weird because I never liked going to the movies . " It 's like unAmerican to think that way , " a friend of mine told me in high school . I did understand what she meant , but to me , sitting in a movie theater in New York City with the sticky floors , and all weirdos ( not me , the really , really weird ones who wore overcoats in July to hide whatever weirdness they were into ) was just not fun . I still don 't really like movies , and managed to avoid all film courses even while pursuing a Masters in English . But the other night , my kids begged me to watch Juno with them , and I suffered through it . Not that it was that bad - - I just always suffer when I 'm sitting there watching a story I 'd rather be reading . But my boys abandoned Juno after just half an hour . " It 's for girls , " they said , " I just don 't care what happens to her because she talks like an adult . What is she , like 25 ? " ( An ancient ruin to them ) But it was true ; she did speak like an adult . In fact , all the female characters seemed to speak with the same snarky voice , as if it was the " teen girl " voice . In fact , even the stepmother had that voice . And teen girls , from what I 've seen , behave more like Ophelia in Shakespeare ( remember she tried to drown herself in like just a few inches of water ) . A zit can cause trauma ; imagine what an unplanned pregnancy might do . She was so tranquil throughout , and I just don 't buy that . She made calm , rational decisions , did her homework , and attended all her prenatal visits . She demonstrated more maturity than the adoptive father . When she calls the abortion clinic and says , " I would like to procure a hasty abortion , " I inwardly groaned . And when Juno says , " Silencio , old man , " when she is taking the pregnancy test , I thought , " Nope , never would they say that if they were worried about the possibility of pregnancy . " Why do so many books and films miss how teens speak ? Is it regional ? A lot of those lines probably looked just fine on script pages , but not from the mouths of teens . When I asked the kids and Posted by I usually never want to participate in the " chain " kind of blog questions , but I do really like reading them . And you are probably thinking , " Well , yeah , we all like reading questions about our friends . " That 's right , but because I am slightly off center , I also read the answers to people I 'll never meet in Australia or Singapore . So when I got tagged by Marcia Hoehne , I thought maybe people will want to read mine . Also , you are supposed to tag eight other folks , and I 'll start by tagging the romance writer Terri Rainier , the YA writers Brian Mandabach and A . S . King , and I 'll add five others later on ( because I 'm not sure of their last names ) . Ok , so here are the questions : What are your nicknames ? My daughter occasionally calls me Wordgirl ( after a show she watches on PBS ) and my sons sometimes call me HER as in , Who said we can 't hang out tonight ? The answer : HER What do you do before bedtime ? Feed the cats , put laundry on , set the coffeepot up for the morningWhat was the first movie you bought in VHS or DVD ? I don 't like movies . I 've never bought any . My college roommate did give me a really neat copy of Gone With the Wind with George Cukor interviews which I 've watched when I had the flu . I was obsessed with Gone With the Wind ( the novel ) for most of my adolescence . What is your favorite scent ? Tie between leaves burning in the fall and ocean water , even when it 's fishy . What one place have you visited that you can 't forget and want to go back to ? Bermuda . I went on a snorkeling honeymoon , and everything sappy they say about Bermuda is true . I was in the water the entire time . Well , you know , maybe not the entire time . . . Do you trust easily ? Sorry , no . My kids have never slept over anyone else 's house and they 've never had a babysitter . ( I know , I know ) . They 've had lots of kids sleep here , and I 've watched lots of other people 's kids , and I have to say that I trusted people more easily before having kids . With my kids , I trust no one . Do you generally think before you act , or act before you think ? I 'm impulsive , aPosted by My mom has pictures of me and my brothers on every first day of school until high school , each of us dressed in stiff clothing standing by the flagpole in our front yard directly beneath the flying flag . It used to be a ritual , and like all terrified people , my brothers and I endured anything we were told to do on those days . It 's different now . I can 't imagine taking pictures of the two rumpled saggy - pants boys at my breakfast table . My boys began school last week , rolled out of bed bleary eyed , and asked why I didn 't homeschool them . They ask this on a fairly regular basis , and once I remind them that I would also make them read and write at home , they stop asking . There was no terror , just annoyance that they were up at 6 a . m . My daughter began school yesterday . Emma is a lot like her brothers ( eccentric ) , but she is also a lot more expressive . She has no fears of adults or of expressing herself so she spends a lot of time talking and writing ( wonder who that 's like . . . ) So yesterday , when all the buses drove up in the afternoon , and all the moms had wonderful first day stories ( She talked about her iguana / trip to Maine / first prize in the camp talent show ) , Emma 's bus driver had a slightly different account . Mr . G , a really patient , kindly man , was her driver last year , and since she 's one of the smallest kids on the bus , he keeps her right up by his seat . When he turned right on the homebound route after a year of turning left , Emma protested by saying : " Oh , boy , where are we going ? " When he explained they had a few new kids on the bus and the route was slightly longer now , she responded by saying , " Oh , that 's good . I thought maybe you were going to kidnap me , take me into the woods and eat my organs . " I think it 's going to be a long year . They say Sarah Palin is causing the Mommy Wars to boil over into soccer fields and grocery store aisles . I can 't imagine what people are getting so worked up over . Yeah , she 's got five kids and she works , but does anyone really believe that she gets up and throws a load of wash on , cleans up the cat vomit , and empties the dishwasher ? I don 't . I took all the feminist lit classes in college . In fact , though it 's worth nearly nothing , I had a double major in Women 's Studies . During my first pregnancy , I put in for a two week leave , figuring I would just find the kid a babysitter . I had someone in mind midway between Dr . Seuss and Mary Poppins . The kid would be just fine . Of course , I had zero experience with infants ; I had never babysat as a teenager ( I edited papers instead ) , and I liked my job . He was going on formula , to daycare , and I was returning to full time work . After Christopher was born , I did none of those things . The entire world dropped away , and Christopher was the new center . I found becoming a mom the most life - altering experience possible . But that 's just me . I have friends who really DID return to work at the six week mark and they never looked back . But here 's the catch : Sarah Palin has help . Lots of it . I made my own baby food , scrubbed my own floors , and never once hired a babysitter . There just isn 't time to tend to five kids and be a mayor if you don 't have lots of help . There just isn 't time to shower if you are taking care of five kids by yourself . So what are people arguing about ? I don 't get it . The media is portraying this power mom as if she works around the clock , baking muffins and screaming at hockey matches , then coming home to grind wheat for her kids ' muffins before passing a law about polar bears . Nobody in public office does what stay at home moms do because stay at home moms don 't usually have a staff . I won 't even get into how much her political philosophy scares me . But I wanted to know what the kids thought , or if they had anything to say about her gender . They had never seenPosted by Ok , after all this talk of self mutilation and my ( and every other mom 's ) worries about what , exactly , teenagers are going to find out there , my daughter unintentionally lightened the mood . She 's not returning to school until mid - September due to construction on her building , so she has had plenty of time to think about what fifth grade might have in store . " Are you scared ? " Christopher asked her at dinner . " ' Cause fifth grade stinks . It 's when I first starting really hating school . " " I 'm only scared of one thing , " Emma , who is quite used to the drama of teen speak , said . " Boys , " Philip offered , " the ones who push . " " Nope . Worse . " We all looked up . Emma has had issues with boys in general , and the ones who push specifically . This has been her number one pet peeve since kindergarten . " So what are you afraid of ? " I asked , trying not to sound worried ( you can imagine what was going through my head at that exact moment ) . " Ogres , " she responded matter - of - factly . " I am really , really scared of them . " " New Jersey doesn 't have a whole lot of ogres , " I reassured her . " At least , I 've never seen one . I think they hate beaches . " Emma sighed . " Mom , it 's not like you know who they are . They hide it . Remember that story we read , about the women who were witches but only in secret ? " ( We had read the Roald Dahl story over the summer aptly titled , " The Witches " ) " I remember . " " They can look just like you and me . Well , " ( and this really cracked her up ) , " not like ME , but maybe like you . That 's the scary part . You just don 't know who they are . " Ogres . I had almost forgotten about them . When her brothers began smiling , Emma admonished them , " If you laugh at an ogre , or if you don 't believe in them , they get mad , then they come after you first . I 'm just going to walk right by them and not think anything . Nothing at all . I 'm just going to go blank so they don 't think anything when they see me . Then they can 't get me . " At least she 's got a plan . Blogs remind me of snapsnots , of short little conversations that I might hear on an elevator or in a waiting room . A lot of them are funny . I tend not to take blog reading or writing too seriously . But there are exceptions . My exception is the blog I wrote on cutting . It generated a few anonymous comments , and a lot of email from kids who cut and from kids who were trying not to cut . Over the weekend , a teen told me there was to be a cutting party at a friend 's house . One of my sons had been invited ( he couldn 't go because I did not know the parents and no one seemed to know if they would be home ) . She went on to say this wasn 't the first cutting party she knew about . Apparently , at a cutting party , you make a choice whether or not you want to participate . As I stood in the kitchen making snacks for the kids , I had to will myself to listen with an open mind . Here I was with multi grain organic chips and soda from the health food store trying not to notice the irony of my desire to keep them healthy and safe , and their desire to " experiment " - - I also know that not listening to teens , no matter how upsetting the story , only makes matters worse . So you don 't have to cut at a party like this . She said there 's no pressure like that . The upsetting part is how accepted a behavior it is becoming : have something to eat , talk , cut , listen to music . I asked her if I had it right . She said I did . She also told me how a lot of girls had watched a BBC production of Princess Diana admitting to cutting her arms and legs . ( But this behavior is also common in boys ) I don 't know whether that BBC taping normalized the behavior or not , but it 's now making the myspace rounds . I learned a lot from the teens who wrote to me about their experiences with cutting : cutting is real , and cutting is spreading . And the behavior , even if it begins as an experiment , can quickly become a compulsion . The scariest aspect ? The average age to begin cutting is currently between 9 and 10 . On Monday , August 25 , Emma turned ten . It 's not a vast age , but while I was all excited about a trip to Toys R Us , she looked at me with her ( then ) nine year old patience , and announced , " Mom , I want a new computer , not toys . It 's not like I 'm five . " Right . She 's not five , but she is only ten , and already her friends have laptops , cell phones and separate phones to text . One of her closest friends has a Blackberry . She 's ten and a half . I can 't imagine what she enters on it : " Suite Life of Zach and Cody Saturday morn " or maybe just the week 's spelling words . In fairness , these are the kids who grew up with the Internet . None of them can remember a time when there weren 't computers in the house , or when pictures took up to a week to get back from the developers . A few parents we know assist their children with blogs ( remember diaries ? ) Their homework is online , they take keyboarding in second grade , and they are computer savvy by about the third grade . Each year , along with nutritional guidelines , bus rules and field trip permissions , the Internet safety code comes home . Emma learned how to use a mouse and how to click on icons in kindergarten . She has only seen her teachers take attendance on computers that are now built in to teachers ' desks . So she got her laptop . She didn 't want a party , just a family trip . For Christmas , she wants a cell phone , but she does think her friend 's Blackberry is silly . I can 't imagine her opening a copy of Little Women or Jane Eyre or Wuthering Heights and understanding that time . I look at most tween books , and I wonder if she will understand how life used to so much less immediate , so much less global . Today , I answered my own question . Since she can only go on the Internet with someone present in the room ( someone = older than 13 ) , I have been watching her navigation . So far she has watched : - a man claiming he can count to infinity - a fashion show for dogs - kittens ( and more kittens , and yet more kittens ) - several episodes of a show involving a castle , a princess , and a witch - music viPosted by I am away at the Land of Make Believe ( I kid you not - - my daughter 's tenth birthday is this Monday , and she gets to pick the weekend trip ) , so I am sharing my Amazon blog here so I can go down water slides and disregard the laws of physics . In June , I agreed to answer the questions of a junior / senior creative writing class , and I decided to do it as a blog . Be back Monday . Ok , because the Summer Reading Project is due on September 3 , I have taken a group of submitted questions related to writing and I will answer them in two mock interviews . This is the first one . If you have a question you don 't see here , I will answer it before the end of August ( at the latest ) . I still have about six more questions on this . And thanks for these - - some of the questions actually made me think more deeply about the whole process of writing . Where do you get your ideas ? The idea for a novel usually germinates from a small scrap of information : it could be a scent in a coffee shop that reminds me of when I first started college , or of a friend 's house , and a weird kind of association begins . A few days later , I 'll remember that scent , or the particular way a tree looked in the yard , or a few words someone said to me , and a character kind of " appears " - I don 't know anything about the character . Yet . I don 't force anything . Little by little I begin to see the character more fully . So , to answer another question , it 's not from thinking of one specific problem or conflict . It 's much more from a character . Do you have a writing schedule ? God no . I have three kids , five animals , a part time job , and a big house that 's not fully unpacked from last year . It 's more like I grab a few minutes here and there to work on a scene . Most of my writing time is granted through insomnia . Do you write from drafts and revise ? Sort of . When I have down time , like waiting at my daughter 's dance class or when everyone is still asleep , I write notes about the story I 'm working on . Remember when your English teacher freaked about sentence fragments ? That 's what IPosted by Last night , a warm Saturday , I told my boys that they had a choice : they could work on their summer reading projects or they could go for a ride to the harbor with me . I hate to admit this , but it was a toss up . But since my boys were read to prenatally , grew up in a book - stuffed house with almost no television interaction , had a mom who read to them as often as she fed them , they ditched the reading . ( Have I mentioned before how upset I am that they don 't read ? Do I already know that is the perfect way to rebel against me - - like my strict vegan friend whose son now works at and dines at Burger King ? ) All right , I 'll stop . Not for good , but for this one blog . The catch was they had to go for the ride and not text or answer their phones . They had to actually sit in the car like it was . . . " 1990 or something . . . " ( as they put it ) . They didn 't really talk to me . I asked a few questions and got responses like , " Huh ? " - " Ya " - " Duuude " - what they did do was talk to each other , and then I remembered why I like talking to ( or rather , listening to ) teenagers so much . I asked them if they were going to join Pep band again this year . In case you don 't know , ( and I , who was gifted with the athletic ability of say , Woody Allen , never knew ) Pep band is their school 's band that plays the National Anthem and other songs to induce tribal unity at football games and the like . " You know , Mom , they don 't let us sit during the games , " Philip said , " and I play the sousaphone which is just so cool . " " It is sort of cool , " I said . " Right , because it 's one of the few instruments you can actually wear . " Christopher commented , " You can see the bell of Philip 's sousaphone from across the field . And Pep band is like being a musical cheerleader . " Then they launched into a mini - tirade on all the stupid things they had noticed lately . Christopher : " Who is that woman on t . v . who sells the sleep number beds ? All it says under her name is that she is a bed owner . Who isn 't a bed owner ? " Philip : " Why do they swab the prisoner 's arm with alcohol before gPosted by Years ago , when I was first given high school students as victims , I took summer reading very , very seriously . I made a comprehensive list by researching books that would help kids either on the SAT 's or in September 's English class , I wrote up thoughtful discussion questions , typed them out and stapled them into packets that I mailed home . I saw nothing wrong with asking 14 year olds to read five books and answer questions on them during their ten weeks off . After all , isn 't that what summer was for - - reading ? Well , no . It had been for me , but I 'm only now realizing exactly how weird a kid I must have been . My summer packets rarely came back and the more experienced teachers smiled when I complained . They told me I would be lucky if some of the kids read one book . This was shocking news to me : what was wrong with the kids in that school district ? Maybe something in the town 's water supply was making them lazy . But they weren 't lazy ; they were teenagers . ( Though it could be argued that lazy / teenare synonymous ) . So fast forward . While I am diving for socks under my son 's bed this morning , I find Ernest Hemingway 's The Sun Also Rises . " Why is this here ? " I ask my 16 year old . He yawns , shrugs , and turns away . " This is required reading . Did you finish it ? " " Nah , it 's just about this Jewish guy in Princeton who tells lies . And it 's racist . " " Oh , right . That 's a thorough analysis . Did you read it ? " " Ma , I told you . They let the writer talk about how he 's stubborn because he 's Jewish . You can 't say stuff like that . " " You understand it 's about the disillusionment of the time period after World War I , that . . . " " How many books do I have to read for English this year ? " " Two . " " Dude , that 's not gonna happen . " He yawns again . " Not when they assign books with racist writers . " " Don 't you have to write an essay on this ? And on the other one ? " " Last year so few kids read that the teacher just let us do it on a short story she gave out in class . Actually , she read the story to us . " ( He 's in college prep level English ) " You know what 's going to hPosted by I usually take on too much in my life . When I had two kids under the age of five , a husband who was away most of the time in corportate America , no help from family , and a part time job , I decided to do the only logical thing : I decided to have another baby . It 's sort of like an ADHD of the soul . So now I am trying to leave a numbing teaching job that looms in the fall by becoming a freelance writer ( the research is so interesting that I don 't get any writing done ) , write a middle grade and a young adult novel simultaneously while my kids bicker and complain they are bored . Then there are the dishes and wet towels and the cat hairballs that um . . . " reappear " on the carpet complete with feline stomach bile . ( I just picked three random items that are completely and entirely invisible to the rest of my family ) . I 'm not complaining , just observing . So when my friend came for a visit this weekend , she asked me , " How do you keep the tone of the middle grade novel and the young adult novel separate ? Don 't you mix them up ? " Here 's how : In our hallway , there is a mirror . Before my sons leave , they have to check that their hair is straighter than a ruler , that their pants are properly sagged , that their cell phones are properly aligned in their pockets so they won 't mix a single text message . This morning my daughter ( a fourth grader ) was ducking down in front of the mirror . After she did this about five times , I asked her what she was doing . " Checking , " she whispered , " but I 'll tell you later , Mom . " She did : Emma believed the mirror had " captured " her face and was holding it there . All she had to do was pull away fast enough and she would be able to still see her face caught inside the mirror . That 's the difference . Yesterday , my son went to a girl 's birthday party and somehow , like always , they ended up back in our house . I 'll call the birthday girl Casey . I had noticed marks on her arms and legs , strangely symmetrical lines that never seemed to heal . And as usual , when I asked my son about those marks later , he told me he was busy . ( He was making a frozen pizza and texting the kids who had just left our house - when I pointed out to him that didn 't qualify him as busy , he got the desperate look of a trapped animal ) . So yes , he said , she 's a cutter , only she 's a real cutter and not a fake emo cutter . Ahh , I said , that 's . . . what on earth ? I know teenagers cut themselves . There 's at least one YA book on it and it 's being mentioned more and more in YA lit . I 've heard the teenagers in my living room say sentences such as , " Oh , Josh , the kid who cuts ? " Followed by , " Nah , he only cut when he was going out with so and so . . . he doesn 't anymore . " Cutting is mentioned in a lot of metal song lyrics . It 's a strangely accepted habit . Kids who cut say they do it because it makes them feel better , and this is true . Doctors say cutting releases endorphins which actually DOES make the kids feel better . It 's a form of release . But the problem I see , aside from the bizarreness of self mutilation , is that there are " fake " cutters ( emo cutting for attention ) and the more Goth type of cutting which the kids view as authentic and a little brave . How does anyone tell when the attention - getting cutting crosses the line ? And why do parents not know more about this ? When I casually mentioned this once before , in front of Casey 's step mom , she thought I was referring to cutting class . She said she had never heard of it and changed the subject . That exchange explained a lot about Casey and probably about most teens who engage in this habit . Just a note : If you want to leave a comment , it won 't be seen unless you go to http : / / teenswhocut . blogspot . com / This blog is dedicated to teen issues now since a few of these posts elicited such a strong response : ) Girls have begun coming over to our house . Now there are new rules about keeping doors open and keeping the conversation wholesome since there is a little sister playing around the house with innocent toys like fairies and mermaids . Along with the new rules , I have developed new and not entirely wonderful habits . I eavesdrop . I casually snoop . I ask prying questions . When I don 't hear talking or laughing , I holler things into rooms like " Yoo hoo , everything all right in there or do you need some company ? " and sometimes I 've been known to show up at doorways holding popcorn or other excuses . Of course , I 'm spying . I freely admit this . I told the kids I have become a hall monitor in my own house . They immediately informed me that the hall monitor in their school is much more understanding ( and her nickname is Troll ) . So the other day , Emma , the nine year old little sister , gave some sage advice to her older brothers . She explained , very matter of factly , that a boy on the bus told her the facts of life . I froze . Emma went on : " If you hold hands with a girl , and kiss her at the same time . . . well , " she said , blushing , " you could get a baby . " The moment passed . Her brothers , who luckily pretty much adore her , thanked her for the advice - and bless their adolescent hearts , they both kept straight faces . " No problem , " she told them , and went back to her American Girl magazine . Two days later , I overheard ( honestly , they were sitting right on the deck while I made dinner with Emma ) a conversation between my eighth grader and a girl regarding the early signs of pregnancy . So did Emma . It drifted right in through the window . Emma looked at me and said , " Mom , don 't worry . " " I am worried , " I said , racking my brain for any time this could have happened . Emma laughed . " Mom , " she said patiently , " Philip is only in the eighth grade . He can 't be pregnant . " Recently , a friend of mine who is sort of related to me as well ( in one of those inlawish kind of ways ) read my novel , and asked why , since I seemed to be able to write , did I " waste " my ability on YA . It 's not the first time that 's happened . I don 't walk around meeting people , saying , HI , I WRITE YA . In fact , I rarely tell people I write . But when I do , I see them look away into the distance , and say , " What is YA ? Like the Hardy Boys ? " This is said with thinly disguised contempt . Okay , maybe it 's not so thinly disguised . Maybe it 's painfully obvious . So I can 't wait to tell these same folks that I 'm almost done with an MG . . . But in today 's New York Times today , there is an essay that lets me know I 'm not alone : http : / / www . nytimes . com / 2008 / 07 / 20 / books / review / Rabb - t . html Over the past weekend , I tried begging off from reading YA novel first drafts for a friend of mine , a garden variety English teacher , who decided to teach a YA writing class over the summer . " But you don 't write YA , " I reminded her , " in fact , you don 't write . " I think when you write for teens , people get the idea that it 's somehow easier than writing for adults . She seemed really lost , so sap that I am , I agreed to make comments in a separate notebook so the students could see them only if they chose . Now , somewhere along the line , some editor must have mentioned that multicultural YA is the next hot thing . Maybe it is , but I really think folks should write what they know about . There were 14 multicultural first chapters out of 19 . I learned one thing for sure : I could never be an editor . Ever . I 'm horrible at it , and bad writing makes me angry which is most likely an abnormal response . I never , ever felt this way when grading students ' papers , but these are adults , and they should know better . Here is my small rant : Do not have characters named Doug and Kyle and Heather use words like " . . . in the hood " or borrow any gangstaspeak . I grew up in NYC , and if they went into the barrio and started throwing these words around , they would last about 14 seconds . Maybe not that long . In fact , if Doug and Kyle and Heather went into certain neighborhoods at all , and didn 't speak , they would only last 15 seconds tops . Also , do not have Doug and Kyle and Heather suddenly call their grandma " abuela " - - it 's jarring and just plain weird . And it doesn 't make your story multicultural . Hispanic people do not refer to their children as " mi quesadilla . " Ever . Trust me . I teach Spanish and ESL , I know lots of Spanish people , and they do not refer to their children with endearments taken from the Taco Bell menu . It 's the same as if Heather 's mom crooned , " Ah , there she is , my little pot roast . " Stop . Speaking of Latin people , please , please , please , do not use the adjective fiery . It 's like something out of a TV Guide listing , and it was Anne Spollen After teaching online classes to homebound teens all winter , I got really good at the lol , omg , brb since we frequently used text chat . But now , I have to TALK to them again since they are home all day . So for those of you who don 't have handy access to teens , I offer , in no particular order , part one of words and phrases I am learning : A bromance = close relationship between two males , especially close if they engage in manscaping , or the shaving of any part of the male skin , and I 'll leave it at thatWay = yes or I 'll be there in a minuteBiters = people who copy from homework or testsFlash , as in , " OMG , that was soo flash " = a really dumb or insensitive remarkFlashes are usually said by tools , or idiots . A wingnut would not necessarily say something flash as they are just flighty , sort of not all there . Rents , the quick way to say parents , are very prone to flash comments . When food is sick , it 's delicious , but this is not usually said by a hater , or a pessimist . An " H " ( abbreviation for hardcore ) or an intense person ( experiences , like watching a movie , can be H as well ) is usually adept at asking the rents requestions , which is a new compound word meaning request and question at the same time . " Can you give me five dollars so I can hang out with Mike ? " is an example of a requestion . I still don 't have clarity on the essential difference between emos and goths . I did get an email from a 14 year old girl asking if I meant to make my book " . . . you know , so emo ? " I do know that Goths and Emos require three to five pounds of black eyeliner per day , and that includes the boys . My fav might be the short form for guilt / apology , " Oh , dude , My B " which means , My Bad or Me Bad , which translates to I blew it - - sorryI think that 's it for today ; in the words of the 14 year old who finally just got off my computer , " Got to bounce . " Most blogs I read are happy , funny , pretty light on seriousness . I usually don 't like to be serious when I write blogs either , but I didn 't answer email or the phone or even the door for about a week a while back . So why was I in the zone of non - presence ? Because my brother was missing . He just left the house one day with a car and an ATM card . It 's not something 54 year old real estate lawyers do very often . But he is bipolar and he went off his meds . When something like that is going on , you just don 't care about much else . And it 's not exactly a secret since the Staten Island Advance published this : STATEN ISLAND , N . Y . - - Thomas Spollen is soft - spoken , friendly , introspective and brilliant - - the engineering visionary in the plucky duo of brothers whose homemade , eco - friendly bicycle is the centerpiece of the current exhibit at the Staten Island Museum . The 54 - year - old real estate attorney turned up yesterday afternoon after disappearing Thursday from the Dongan Hills home he shares with his brother , Chris Spollen . Spollen apparently had been wandering around Staten Island , staying in motels , camping in parks and sleeping in his Toyota Matrix . " When you have somebody missing close to you , it 's awful , " said the elder Spollen . " We were all traumatized . " Spollen has bipolar disorder and had been prescribed medication that made him chronically drowsy . So , several months ago , he decided to stop taking it entirely , his brother said . As is characteristic of the upswing side of bipolar disorder - - a mental illness sometimes referred to as manic depression and characterized by periods of intense highs and intense lows - - Spollen 's energy started to escalate . But along with his increased stamina and activity , Spollen also became agitated and delusional - - behavior characteristic of the mental illness often associated with Spollen 's brand of uncanny genius , and said to have also plagued such intellectual luminaries as Mark Twain , Ludwig van Beethoven and Winston Churchill . " He 's very , very bright , but with the brightness cPosted by Yup , it 's here . Today is Monday , the first full day of summer vacation . The kids slept late , got up , ate enough to feed a small village , then looked at me . " I 'm bored . " Three times . Each one of them . Separately . All within an hour of waking up . It 's the first day . . . Brings certain images of yesteryear to mind . . . Last month , my son sent over 15 , 000 text messages . He 's in the eighth grade , and when I saw his usage , I knew , instantly , what had to be done : a psych consult . What had I done wrong that my son would send 500 text messages a day ? That 's nothing , his friends assured me . Then I heard tales of over 30 , 000 messages , they reminded me that you have to count messages received , and all the while they were talking , they were texting , and receiving texts . In my day , it was the phone - a constant war waged between me and my parents about my extensive phone usage . They kept asking me why I had to speak to kids I had just left at the bus stop , and they reminded me , over and over , that a phone call is meant to last no longer than 3 minutes . Probably , I would be a 2008 textaholic as well . All teens want to do is talk to each other . So , he 's communicative , I told myself last Friday , a communicative male . Not so bad . What I forgot is they communicate WITH EACH OTHER and not , necessarily , with adults . Here 's the conversation between Philip and I on Friday evening : Me : I 'm taking your sister to her dance recital rehearsal . I 'll be back around nine . Philip : I 'm going out . To church . Me : Tell the truth . Philip : Youth group meeting . Me : Stunned silence . Brief image of my long haired son celebrating the Eucharist in ten years . Philip : Texting . Me : You are doing this voluntarily ? Philip : This girl asked me . Me : Silent . ( ' Cause I get it ) . I know and like the folks who run the church youth group , and when he assures me he has a ride there and back ( with the girl ) , I am secretly delighted that he is involved with a group known for their diligent community service . Fast forward . Ten at night . After going to our church at 9 : 00 , I am told there was no youth group meeting . I go on AIM , send a myspace bulletin , text his friends , drive by our church again , peer at every group of adolescents I see . Philip is not answering his phone or texts I am sending him . I am frantic . If he 's not answering his texts , it only means one thing . . . The kids get back to me , andPosted by Elizah Rayne is nothing like other fourteen - year - old girls . More interested in bird bones than people , she wraps herself in silence . Trying to escape the shadow of her gambler father , Elizah and her mother move into an old house that borders a cemetery . All her mother wants is for them to have " normal " lives . But that becomes impossible for Elizah when she finds a human jawbone by the river and meets Nathaniel , a strangely hypnotic boy who draws Elizah into his dreamlike and mysterious world . CHAPTER ONEI discovered windows one afternoon and after that , nothing was ever the same . They had always been there , of course , glass panes shimmering in the color of rain , but that spring for the first time , I was able to open the windows in my room . For years , the locks had been painted stuck , and during the winter , heat from the radiator beneath my windows finally steamed off enough paint off the metal wings of the locks could be twirled open . Knowing that I could open the windows attracted me to them , and I began sitting under the windows , staring through the glass at the sky . From that position , on a chair in my room , the sky did not seem real ; it seemed a place I was making up , so I watched it . The white wood of the window panes acted as frames so the sky came to me slowly , and the huge openness of its space did not touch me . All the window glass in our old house had wavers and bubbles inside it , so at times the clouds moved like water , melting and blurring until they passed outside of the warp . After a few afternoons of sitting , the heavens seemed too quiet to keep watching so I began watching a small patch of woods next to our yard that housed little more than trees and a scatter of bony , mean - looking rabbits . I started gazing at the sky and the woods in March when the branches were still wet and it was then , with nothing outside my window but trees and rain , that I noticed a shine inside darkness , I noticed colors glimmering within the darkness of the wood . I watched birds come and go , I watched rain nipple down from buds to the grass . The water dripping from branch edges and leaves created optical tricks ; I could see that as I watched leaves melt . Then one day I ventured into the space outside . I did not think about doing this much beforehand . I simply opened the window and dropped to the ground below , uncertain as to why this should be such a more satisfying exit than simply using the door ; my father worked until seven o ' clock and I could do whatever I wanted until then . But I liked the solid sound my lThe Shape of Water I live near the Atlantic Ocean with my husband , two teenage boys and tween daughter . We share our space with three cats , two ADHD kittens and one terribly , terribly mannered dog . We have one of those informal houses with messy gardens , baskets of art supplies and piles of folded laundry on the sofas . I am working on middle grade novels right now , two at once . When I hear about a home for the first one , I 'll announce it here . I write strange books because normal doesn 't interest me . And , with my life , that 's a good thing .
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Italia I took the night - trip into Tijuana because I wanted the experience of crossing the border , soaking in the culture , eating the food , and hearing the language . No , not really . I went because I was twenty and I could legally drink in Mexico . That was all . That , and the bar was complete with girls who blew whistles and poured tequila down your throat as well as an outdoor volleyball court complete with sand . One of my male companions that night would have his glasses stolen by a stripper when the amount of money he tried to give her wasn 't enough . On a positive note the tacos were two for one dollar and did their job soaking up the cheap mescal . Not long after this trip I would get a hold of my Canadian friend 's resident alien card and drink for the remaining four months of my twentieth year on American soil . So suffice it to say my first trip out of the States wasn 't very life changing nor eye - opening . And all I brought back was a giant ceramic donkey and a hangover . Thankfully , it would not be my last trip beyond the US border . The next time I would venture out I would have a slightly more sophisticated modus operandi . Fast - forward four years . I 'm sitting in my European Geography class as a senior at San Jose State University . This was my favorite class because my professor was kind and smart and he let my put my feet up on the chair next to me , eat my breakfast , and drink my Coca - Cola . And our mid - term assignment was to read a travel book and write a book report on it . Yeah . So , I loved this class . I soon found I had very little to contribute to discussions as everyone in this class had been somewhere or everywhere and I had been nowhere . When we would talk about European affairs , either political , social , or environmental , everyone else had a story about their time spent in Ireland , Greece , Norway , or Poland . Should I pipe in with my story about Tijuana ? Best not to . It was somewhere mid - term ( perhaps while writing that taxing book report ) that I made a vow to myself that I would travel that summer . I just wasn 't sure where . I was working at a French restaurant at the time , and had taken four years of French , so that thought crossed my mind . Plus the Louvre , the Eiffel Tower , and fromage . I was pretty set on France until I got home one day and was excited to see that month 's Bon Appetit magazine waiting for me in my mailbox . The cover was very simply a picture of a pasta dish with the words Rome Florence and Venice , all in bold . I obviously wasn 't very firm in my decision to travel to France because my mind changed right then . Which pretty much sums up my love for food when my plans to travel across the world can change on a dime , or a picture of pasta . My new goal was to travel not for the geography but for the cuisine . I had also , up to that point , taken four classes in art history and knew it would be thrilling to see some of the classics in person . I got to work that day and in a matter of minutes made plans with a co - worker and friend to visit Italy that July . Making such decisions today is a bit more difficult . Plane tickets were purchased within the week . I bought travel books , read up on places to visit , things to eat , and where to stay . Little did I know that all my preparations would matter very little . The minute I set foot in downtown Rome , tasted my first unplanned gelato and took a right instead of a left , I knew I cared not at all about what I supposed to see . I had never been anywhere for such a long period of time where I didn 't speak the language . But it was quickly evident that mattered very little . I communicated with smiles , nods , points , and an overuse of the word " grazie " . And of course the language of food . The people were kind and the more we ventured off the beaten path , the kinder they were . And the better the food got . I knew I was headed in the right direction when pepperoni and spaghetti with meatballs was nowhere to be found on a menu . In Rome , I ate the best gnocchi of my life . Homemade and topped with a meaty tomato - cream sauce and served to me while sitting in a small restorante void of toursits . Dried , cured meats hung from the ceiling and giant wedges of cheese sat out on the counter . Though we unintentionally walked in not long before closing , the owners insisted we come in and sit ( lots of smiling and pointing , again ) , brought us our orders and then sat in the back and ate a late lunch , themselves . Table wine and big platters of food shared between them . I 'm pretty sure I had never been that happy before that moment . Pizza , cheese , wine , mixed with heat and the smell of old buildings filled the next three weeks . After Rome , we took the train to Florence , then to Venice , then Naples . In Florence , there was a caprese salad with buffalo 's milk mozzerella , and the deepest , most reddish - purple tomatoes I have ever seen . They actually tasted more colorful . The food in Venice was delicious , too , but unfortunately more saturated with tourist spots . I had to try a bit harder to find the treasures . But they were there ! Here in the States , every table is automatically set with salt and pepper . In Italy , it was olive oil and sometimes balsamic vinegar . Bread came with the meal , not before . It was meant to soak up sauce , not fill up on before your meal arrived . It was also here that my love affair with sparkling water , or acqua frizzante , began . I had no intention , originally , of visiting Naples but did so upon the instance of a friend who had spent a year in Italy during college . She said it may not be the obvious choice but that the food would be the best . My friend and I left Venice and boarded the train to Naples . It was a long , beautiful journey down the length of the boot . But , eight hours later , we arrived after many games of cards and snack cart panini . Naples was immediately not as striking as the other cities we had visited . Many streets were lined with dumpsters and the air had a trash smell . But I mean this in the most respectful way possible . To this day , when I smell an outside garbage bin I become nostalgic . It was , however , easier to find the good food . The best food . Naples is famous for being the birthplace of pizza and it 's everywhere . And it 's the best anywhere . Yes , even better then New York . It has ruined me completely for pizza in the States . The crust has a way of being crunchy and crispy on the outside and soft and chewy on the inside , which is quite a feat being that it is only a millimeter thick . appearance and reasonable in price , I wasn 't expecting to have the best meal of my life there . I ordered a seafood dish because , well , we had a view of the Tyrrhenian Sea and it seemed fitting . Seafood pasta seemed a good bet . The pasta in Italy is some of the best in the world , dry or fresh . The charming waiter delivered the dish in a giant bowl . The noodles swirled around generous amounts of mussels , clams , prawns , and chunks of fish filet . The seafood was all cooked perfectly and the pasta was al dente . But the sauce ! It was the sauce I will remember forever . Mostly because there really wasn 't one . It couldn 't have been more than seafood stock and olive oil with a touch of salt and pepper but the flavor was unmatched and it was the ideal viscosity , coating every noodle . To this day I haven 't been able to reproduce it . Maybe it 's better that way . I was ready to return home after the long trip but I was also sorry to leave . I think that 's the mark of a perfect getaway . Being that my funds were limited and I didn 't have much room in my suitcase , I didn 't buy many souveniers . But I took home a world of memories . Worth far more than a ceramic donkey . And I have since purchased the Bon Appetit again . That one stays in plastic on my bookshelf . Grazie , Italy . Thank you for reaffirming my fears about this great country I live in . Before reading you I was only afraid that the majority of people I share my homeland with were angry , ignorant , and unnecessarily judgemental , but then y ' all opened up your mouth and removed all doubt . I even made a point to avoid all ( mostly ) un - biased political pages . NPR , Time , Newsweek . Instead I will follow only nature pages , and pet - lovers pages , and pages about food . Here , I will be safe , in my cocoon of denial and like - thought . Ah , here 's a post about National Parks . I love National Parks . That 's a pretty tree . And it 's snowing , so serene . Oh no , here comes Ron from Milwaukee . Ron 's profile picture is a bald eagle so he can 't be all bad , right ? Ron says , " Gee , looks pretty cold in that park , so much for the libtards and there * global warming " . Oh no . They say don 't feed the trolls , but it 's really difficult . I 'd like to provide Ron with links to scientific journals and discussions about global warming and it 's impact on the earth , along with links to a few community colleges in his area . Or reprimand him on his use of the word libtard and point out it 's irony . Let it go , Em , it 's a battle in futility . Okay , well here 's a post from one of my favorite pages , I Love Dogs . It 's a woman holding a puppy and the caption reads , " Why We Consider Our Pets to be Our Children " . Seems innocent enough . I don 't have kids and I know I certainly think of Max as my baby . I have found my people ! Oh no . Here 's Melissa from Dayton , Ohio . She says , " I think it 's so crazy when people who have dogs act like it 's the same thing as having an actual child . It isn 't . So get over yourself ! ! ! " Wow . That seemed unnecessary Mel . I mean , did you really think pet owners believe having a dog or cat to be the same thing as having an actual human ? I don 't want to speak for all pet owners but I 'm aware that I needn 't be concerned with Max 's grades , his being bullied , or overhearing me use the F word and repeating it at the dog park . And when the phone rings after ten at night , I 'm not afraid that something has happened to him . I 'm also not worried about saving up for his college nor braces . But he is my boy and I love him and , yes , pet owners will treat our pets like children , especially when they 're the only children we have . I wanted to respond to Melissa and tell her what a horrible person she was , but I didn 't have to . 50 + pet owners took care of that for me . Food pages ! My favorite . What could possibly go wrong when folks are swapping recipes , taking pics of yummy things they 've had for lunch , and waxing poetic on the beauty of a sandwich . For example : here 's a post that starts off with a picture of a juicy burger topped with Cambozola cheese and a sweet tomato chutney . Mmmm . That looks so good . If I weren 't on a diet , I could eat five of those . Jill from Boston says , " Yummy ! " . Zack from Pittsburgh tags a friend and says , " We are so coming here this weekend ! " . Uh oh . Here comes Beverly from Miami to ruin my high . " This is the reason why 70 % of Americans are overweight " , she says . As if America 's obesity epidemic can be pinned on a sandwich , this particular sandwich at that , and as if this were the proper forum to discuss it . Next time Beverly is giving a talk on health and diet at Berkeley , I 'll check it out . This comment is easy for me to ignore as it 's more of a silly statement than an accusation . But then here comes Natalie from Arcata . Natalie is a vegan . She also wants everyone else to be one , too . She tells Jill , Zack , and me all about the cattle industry and the treatment of animals and about how we take a bite of that burger , we are eating fear . Really ? Can 't I just enjoy my burger porn ? Then people try and defend themselves by stating that they eat humanely - raised livestock , and this and that . To no avail . She even compares eating bovine meat to eating all meat at one point . " If you 'll eat cows , what stops you from eating your dog , then ? ? " she asks when provoked by another commentator . Most likely because his dog is starting UCLA in the fall . Posted on May 13 , 2016May 13 , 2016Leave a comment on Dear Facebook Comment Section Mother 's Day When my mom was young she looked like a young Cher or Debra Winger circa " Terms of Endearment " . She was single and young and I was her world . We did everything together . We took the camper to Yosemite , we went on dates with her boyfriends , we celebrated when she passed the CPA exam . She took me the movies late at night with her best friend . Afterwards we would go to the old Bob 's Big Boy and she would order me a root beer float . I would drink until I passed out from exhaustion , sleeping on the big red pleather booth cushions . I can remember her singing " You Are My Sunshine " to me . She would tell me later that she left out most of the verses , they were too sad . My mom worked long hours on the week days , but she made it up to me on the weekends . We went to Monterrey so I could eat crab and play in the ocean . We went to Castroville so we could share a serving of friend artichokes . One year , our school put on a haunted house at Halloween . They were looking for volunteers to help with the crafts . My mom sat for hours meticulously cutting 3 inch pumpkins out of orange construction paper . The pumpkins would eventually end up on the ground that night . I felt really bad about that . If there was a bake sale , she baked . If there was a kite day , she flew a kite . If there was a school project , she made sure mine was the best . I had the most books , the coolest bike , a Barbie corvette , and a Lite Brite . But most of all , I had the best mom in the world . Thank you for everything . Posted on May 7 , 2016Leave a comment on Mother 's Day love . com Years ago , being in the restaurant business was the best . For a number of reasons . First , the hours coordinated perfectly with my college schedule . Academia by day , money - maker by night . Second , I learned an incredible amount about food and wine . Carpaccio , capon , baked chevre , old world wines , new world wines , and torchons of foie gras . But third of all , and very best of all , the restaurant business was a buffet of young , fun , beautiful people , many of whom were smart , talented , and still unfettered by the hardships of life . We laughed a lot and drank even more . I 'd like to say that I was strict and highly selective in my dalliances but I 'd be lying . And the turn - over in the biz was fairly high , so the beautiful people , like buses , came every 15 minutes . To all recent graduates of high school , I highly recommend you become a server or bartender immediately . To all my friends with kids - I highly recommend that you never let your kids anywhere near the restaurant business . Eventually I met someone I really liked and we were together for a while . A fairly long while . Long enough that the relationship lasted through the duration of my restaurant career and into my next venture . Where I remain to this day . Single . Working with my mom , selling dog food to married couples and being in a position where if I dated someone I worked with , they could sue me for sexual harrassment . Not exactly the best conditions for meeting someone . In fact , maybe the worst . Okay , so not everyone meets their significant other at work . True . There 's bars ? Yes , but at my age the only people drinking in bars are young enough that when you tell them your favorite actor is Tommy Lee Jones , they say , " Isn 't that the old guy in Captain America ? " . Yikes . Or worse yet , they 're forty - five and drunk in bar at 4pm on a Sunday … outlook not so good . Maybe hobbies ? Yes , I love to cook so I will spend all my down time in Whole Foods . I 'll reach for the lychees , he 'll reach for the lychees . Our hands will touch , our eyes will meet - boom ! Love at first sight . You love pre - peeled packaged oranges ? So do I ! ! Or the butchers and fish - mongers . Even better . Something so sexy about a man covered in guts with multiple tattoos . Seriously . But they 're always married . Obviously . Any woman who knows what she 's doing doesn 't let fishgut guy get away . Second date and you 're making him engagment chicken for sure . So no deal . After several ( save for one live - in but short - lived relationship ) single years , I decided to give online dating a chance at the age of thirty - three . I had heard so many success stories . Gay , straight , young , old , black , white , everyone has now met their significant other online . In fact statistics show that 97 % of people who inhabit the same space at any given time , met via the internet . Sounds promising . I 'm in . I filled out some basic information . Posted some photos and waited . What happened next was interesting . I mean , sh * t got wierd . I received lots of messages . Since I was new to the site I was thrown into the spotlight and featured . The messages were incredible . The good , the bad , and the ugly . ( To all the young guys in the bar , that 's a movie with Clint Eastwood , the old guy in Gran Torino ) . Some boys tried their best to be debonair by telling my I was pretty and that they would like to get to know me better . Some were less refined and told me I was pretty and that they would like to get to know me deeper . And there were many in between . Eventually , I decided to go out with one of the boys that sent me a message . He was handsome . He had a nice job . His profile made him out to be quite normal . I even Facebook " verified " him . He had friends . His profile pic wasn 't the clown from " It " . I met him for a casual bite and a drink . Seemed harmless . Public place . Seperate cars . No addresses exchanged . Small talk , small plates . Yet I knew right away that it would likely go nowhere as the ground didn 't shake and the Earth didn 't shatter . I drove home that night assuming that our interractions would end there . Oh , how I wish that were true . Turns out handsome boy had gone about drawing up his online profile all wrong . He forgot to mention that the day after a date , he likes to surprise a girl by sending her a photo of his willy while she is watching television with her grandmother . And he also forgot to mention that when said girl , frozen with horror , doesn 't respond , he likes to send her a follow up video of him engaging in a bit of self - gratification . With commentary . Yeah , that happened . But I don 't give up ! My momma didn 't raise no quitter . I backed off a little but kept the profile up for the six months I had paid for . I dated a vegan twice ( two dates , not two vegans ) . I met a man who had lied about his age . I 'm sorry but forty - three is not the same as fifty to a thirty - three year old , although thank you for getting all my movie references . There was the guy who was obsessed with his own sexual inadeqacy for some unknown reason , spending the ( short ) duration of dinner talking about how he " measured up " . There was the guy who posted nothing but old photos of himself , and when I met him he was at least forty pounds heavier . * note - I have dated big dudes , this I don 't mind at all , but to me it showed a lack of confidence and dishonesty right off the bat . Am I forgetting anyone ? Hopefully . I wish I could forget most of those . I 'm sincerely happy that some people have online success stories . I 'm always happy with anyone 's success stories . I am , however , even happier to stay away from dating sites for a while . I think the only thing I 'll shop for online are books and vitamins and leave the dating to accidental in - the - flesh encounters . I promise you all an invitation to my wedding , forty years from now . Posted on April 28 , 2016April 29 , 2016Leave a comment on love . com This One Reads Like a College Essay Yesterday evening I watched a documentary on the sixties . As I sat there , five decades later , it occurred to me how disappointed I was that I needn 't try too hard to imagine what it must have been like to live in such complicated and conflicted times . The sixties were a decade torn apart by civil rights struggles , political unrest , misunderstood youth , but most of all , marked by a common thread of separation . Never before was it more apparent nor more important as to whom one was different than . Black or white . Rich or poor . Liberal or conservative . Pro or Anti - war . The tensions and the anger swirled together and , then , feeding off one another , exploded . The conservative older generation fought tooth and nail to " protect " the laws and ways of the past . Troubled , angry folks in the North and South protested change with banners and signs bearing Nazi symbols and things I can 't bring myself to type . But thanks to the tenacity and persistence of many of the decade 's greatest hearts and minds , things changed a little . In 1961 , JFK provided protection for " Freedom Riders " . Michael Harrington publishes " The Other Americans " in 1962 , an eye - opening expose on poverty which influenced even JKF and , later , Johnson , who in 1964 declares a war on poverty . One of the greatest moments of the time came in 1964 with the Civil Rights Act of , well , 1964 . The law aimed to outlaw discrimination in public places ( but I can still practice hate in my living room ! ) and to prohibit employment discrimination on the basis of race , religion , or gender . More changes took place as the decade unfolded such as the Voting Rights Act of 1965 and Housing Discrimination Ban in 1968 . But it came at a cost . Those men and women with the banners and the signs , symbols and words , became more violent as changes were imminent . Most people know about Medgar Evers , Malcolm X , and Martin Luther King , Jr . But do you remember the four little girls killed in the tragic 16th Street Baptist Church bombing ? Just babies , they were unfortunate and accidental martyrs for a plight they were too young to even understand . If you 've seen " Mississippi Burning " ( and if not , that 's your homework assignment ) you know about the civil rights activists killed in 1964 , although it was merely based loosely on the case and left out important details . There was police brutality , child arrests , and the infamous fire hoses . All of it deplorable and indicative of a society that felt a strange need to keep those who were different in a separate space from themselves ; be it financial or geographical . The sixties began fifty - six years ago . So many things have , indeed , changed . Things that were once unimaginable are now possible . In the year 2008 , this country elected its first back president . Women hold positions higher than secretary in things other than sweater sets . There are gays on television doing things other than appearing on Hollywood Squares ( no disrespect , Paul ) . Minimum wage is on its way to maybe being close to an actual living wage . All is well . Or so it seems . Truth is , those people , those people who existed in the sixties ? They still exist today . They still fear change and they still want to be separated . In a recent poll , one in three women reported having been sexually harassed at work - 81 % having been verbally assaulted . And only recently have a large number of victims of rape and sexual assault on college campuses been given a proper voice , with so far to go . Another study done in 2015 , showed that job applicants with " black names " were 50 % less likely to receive call backs , regardless of job qualifications , than applicants with " white names " . Black Lives Matter is a movement started as a reaction to the murder of Treyvon Martin . In 2015 , its estimated that one in three black men killed by police were unarmed . And hot off the press is a new " bathroom law " in North Carolina which is really much more than it seems . It directly interferes with the rights of many more than those who identify themselves as transgender , as if that weren 't bad enough . The law makes a bold statement at to what level the government can , and will , protect it 's citizens based on their gender , race , sexual orientation , and gender identity . I may have stronger opinions about what goes on today than I do about what happened fifteen years before I was born . Because I know how embarrassed I am for my race when Black Lives Matter is turned into All Lives Matter , in a matter of moments . All Lives Matter ? That 's a given . I know how I felt the morning of November 9th , 2008 , when I woke up early to see the results of Prop 8 in my home state of California , only to find out it had passed . I was in tears . Never before had I been ashamed to be a Californian . I know first hand how it feels to have your manager reach into your apron and grope you in the middle of a restaurant because he was " looking for a pen " . And when you say something , you 're labeled uptight , a " femnazi " or a " dike " . All attempts to remind a group of people different from another that they are not created equal . But just as the sixties had its heroes , it 's voices of reason and resistance in the face of incredible adversity , so does today . There will always be people fighting for what is right . Civil Rights advocates and feminists . And then there will always be people stuck in their ways , fists clenched more tightly than their hearts , pushing for a simpler time . When things were better . When things were separate . Posted on April 27 , 2016Leave a comment on This One Reads Like a College Essay Roid Rage Twelve years ago I was a skinny , narrow - minded 23 - year old brat . I tied an apron around my size 6 waist everyday and served food to people of all sizes , forming judgments in my head as I went along . To the slender lady who ordered a salad ( no dressing , just a lemon wedge , please ) , I thought , what 's the point ? Why are you even here ? Who goes to a restaurant to diet ? I can 't even remember the last time I ate a salad and look at how tiny I am . And to the heavier lady who ordered a burger … I can 't bring myself to admit what I thought . But don 't worry . Karma , like this girl , was a bitch . And she had a plan . I spent twenty - seven glorious years without a single thought as to what I ate or how much energy I expelled . Double Whopper with cheese and bacon ? Sure . OD on that pint of Ben and Jerry 's ? No guilt . Couldn 't remember the last time I had a vegetable that wasn 't a garnish ? No problem . I was thin and had the energy of a 1970 's Elton John . Then something happened . Genetics mostly , paired with a desk job . The weight came on slowly but steady and in 18 months I 'd gone from a size six to a size twelve . My breaking point was standing in a Macy 's with my grandmother as I looked for nicer clothes to wear to the office . The mediums were far from a good fit , but surely the large 's ? Too tight . I left the dressing rooms with 12 's and XL tops in hand , and started bawling . That was my first foray into dieting . Gone went the Whoppers , replaced by a lot of those salad and vegetable things . My boyfriend - at - the - time and I joined a gym . I stuck to the elliptical , because it was easy and I didn 't feel embarrassed using it . The weight melted off . If there is one thing to be said about dieting in your twenties it 's that , well , you 're in your twenties . Everything is on your side ( or it was in my case ) . Weight gone . Problem solved . Okay , fast forward six years . I was able to keep the weight off that long . Things were going well at work so I adorned my tiny butt with expensive jeans and Free People tops . No big deal , I thought , this stuff lasts forever and so will my tiny butt . Totally worth the money … Then something began to happen . To my mood . And my appetite . And my energy level . Back from Peru , only months into the purchase of my first new home , and kind , caring new boyfriend in tow , things were perfect and I should have felt great . But I didn 't . I began to feel incredibly depressed . The depression lasted beyond a usual handful of days . Days became weeks and weeks became months . Getting out of bed required the strength of five Rockys and ten Tony Robbins . I was miserable . And my metabolism was failing me . I ate to feel better and every ounce of food stuck to that tiny butt . The tiny butt grew and out went the jeans . And out went the boyfriend . I was so moody and broke it off over something so ridiculous that I 'm pretty sure I only did him a favor . I actually kind of envied him ; he got to escape . But back to the pants and the growing butt . I didn 't have the heart to buy larger pants . I didn 't want to . I wore yoga pants everywhere . And I can safely admit to having done absolutely no yoga in them . I gained forty pounds in seven months . Finally , seven months later , I went to the doctors . I 'm pretty sure a normal person would have gone months earlier but I blame my mother . This is a woman whose water broke on the way home from work so she drove herself to the hospital , popped my sister out , and was back to work two days later . This is my stock . So I let it go too long . But I made it . Blood was drawn and results showed immediately a far - gone thyroid condition . The nurse kindly asks me , " Have you been noticing a decrease in energy , more depression or rapid weight gain ? " . Yes , yes , and yes . But like all issues , in Western medicine , there 's a pill for that . " Okay , sweetie , take these every morning one hour before you eat . " Will I have to take them forever ? Yes . Seems easy enough . I 'll swallow two pills every AM and my tiny butt will come back , along with all my energy , self - confidence , and crazy , silly mood . Not quite , unfortunately . Six months into taking the medication I noticed a few things . My mood was better , I had a bit more energy , but I was still a size 14 . I hadn 't gained any weight , but I certainly hadn 't lost any either . It was time to really do something . So I did . I started working with a personal trainer , three times a week . I went back to eating all healthy foods which meant no fast food , nothing fried , and limited dairy and carbs . Oh , and no booze , but that 's another story . Pizza is a weakness so those dairy and carb restrictions / rules are the hardest ( but don 't think I haven 't fallen off the pie wagon several times ) . And , no , no , no fad diets . I don 't do Atkins because I adore brown rice and farro . I also don 't do Paleo because I 'm not following the diet of a people that experienced a mid - life crisis at 18 . Just a little of everything , and a lot of nothing . Three months later , I 'm thirty pounds down and can run a hill - heavy route that used to leave me out of breath when just walking it . The pounds did not melt off the second time around . It was harder . It was a lot harder . I was a lot sicker and I 'm also much older . But I learned a lot more the second time around , as well . Roasted vegetable are amazing ( and not at all a punishment ) , running is the best stress reliever on the planet ( and is a lot more fun to Ludacris ) , and for f * cks sake , never judge anyone who orders a salad with a wedge of lemon . You never know their story . Posted on April 21 , 2016May 13 , 2016Leave a comment on Roid Rage A Lion in Retail I 'm pretty sure I don 't have the personality for retail . How did I end up in customer service for twenty years ? Based off of past goals , it was either this or marine biologist and that required far too much lab work and paying attention in school . My grades in science really started to suffer with the discovery of creekside smoking and boys named Ben . So here I am . Being in pet supply retail allows me to be social , buy fun products , travel the country , and pet dogs ALL DAY . So what 's the problem ? I was born on July 24th , which makes me a Leo . I 'm an arrogant know - it - all . I 'm also quite BS - intolerant and relatively short - fused . But I 'm also extremely loyal and caring which means that just as you 're running for the hills , offended once and for all by my abrasive personality , I 'll be right be your side with an offering of bottled water and snacks for your trip . When you work in retail , usually a 5 - 10 minute encounter , people don 't get to meet the trail mix girl . It 's just a brief interraction between customer and the loving girl 's omniscient doppelgänger . It may come in handy that I know so darn much except you know what they say … the customer is always right . Which can be extremely hard to humor , when you know it isn 't always true . Customers of the internet era seem to have a natural tendency to know more about your job than you do . It 's really quite incredible . I 'm not sure how they do it . Just as the doctors and the nurses must have love / hate relationships with WebMD , I , too , have similar feelings about sites like dogfoodadvisor . com . Yes , I 'm very happy you spent eleven minutes reading an article about canine allergies but , no , your dog is not allergic to lavender or Chilean Sea Bass . How do I know ? Because I just do , trust me . Charlie is also most likely not gluten sensitive . Because the odds are 3 in 100 and he 's not that lucky . Charlie is more likely to start talking than to develop doggie Celiac 's . And , oh , buyers remorse . I see right through this one , too . - I 'd like to return this $ 60 bag of organic , free - range chicken - based dog food . - Why ? - Because Charlie doesn 't like it … That 's odd Charlie seemed pretty enthusiastic about the half of the bag that 's gone . I 'm going to need more proof . Perhaps a photo of Charlie sitting at the table with his arms crossed or Charlie 's even more convincing " Meat is Murder " t - shirt . Otherwise I 'm pretty sure you just want your money back . In fact , I 'm sure that 's what it is because Charlie just told me . He also told me he loves sea bass . I 'd also like to thank people for their endless knowledge about my competition and their prices . Like , did you know that you can get a package of tennis balls on Amazon for negative dollars ? They 'll actually pay you ! If you 're an Amazon Prime member they send a sweatshop worker out to your house to play fetch with your dog . Not long ago , a customer told me they could buy dog treats at Costco cheaper than I sold them . So helpful . Later that day , I lowered all my prices and hired someone off Amazon to stand outside my store with a highlighter . Sales soared . Oh , the things I wish I could say . What I would love to get away with . If only it worked that way . Until then , I 'll just have to smile and nod and hope they 're all convinced I 'm a Virgo .
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1 Hezekiah was twenty - five years old when he became the king of Judah , and he reigned in Jerusalem twenty - nine years . His mother was Abijah , the daughter of Zechariah . 2 He did what was pleasing in the LORD 's sight , just as his ancestor David had done . If you do a study of the kings , you will notices something rather strange . There are no good kings back to back with one exception - Asa was succeeded by his son Jehoshaphat and that is as close as we come to having two good kings in a row . Even more amazing : Hezekiah and Josiah , the best two morally [ David was the greatest but not necessarily the best ] had evil fathers . Actually the best two had the worse two fathers . Hezekiah 's father was Ahaz , a vile man who was dedicated to the worship of Baal . He had his sons and daughters sacrificed the Molech and eventually closed the door of the Temple , outlawing Yahweh worship . Josiah succeeded his father Amon who was so bad that he was assassinated by his own cabinet after serving less than two years . So you could say , Josiah followed his grand father Manasseh who has always held the distinction as being the worse of all of Judah kings . Manasseh was a cruel man , prone to violence and he filled the streets of Jerusalem with the blood of the innocent . He had the prophet Isaiah sawn into : put him in a hollow log and then sawed him into . First of all , these kings had harems . They did not have one wife , they had wives . King David had 8 listed in scripture but everyone believes there were more . Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines . Rehoboam , Solomon 's son had 18 wives and 60 concubines . Rehoboam 's son Abijah had fourteen wives and had twenty - two sons and sixteen daughters . If my math is right , that is 38 children . Fathers , it stands to reason , if you have 38 children , you are not going to be able to spend a lot of time with each individually . So , the mothers had more time with the children than the fathers . Why did two of the sorriest kings produce two of the best ? The answer is , they had good mothers and the fathers spent so little time with their sons , the mother 's influence was dominant . For example : Abijah , Hezekiah 's mom was the daughter of a priest and no doubt , she is the one who instilled Yahweh faith in Hezekiah . I know what you are thinking … " Here he goes again , lambasting fathers on father 's day . " Guys , I am going to ask you to do me a favor , bear with me , hear me out before you jump to conclusions . My purpose today is not to demean the roll of the father but to show you how important it is for men to be good fathers . Judah had five good kings and the best two were probably raised godly mothers but how many good kings would Judah have had if the good kings had mentored their sons ? You think about that question for a moment . How many good kings would we have if the good ones had spent time with their sons and mentored them ? It would be more than two . So my point today is … women are great at raising children but how much better would it be if we men did our part . About 40 percent of children in the western world will go to sleep in homes tonight in which their fathers do not live . Before they reach the age of eighteen , more than half of our nation 's children are likely to spend at least a significant portion of their childhoods living apart from their fathers . Never before in this country have so many children been voluntarily abandoned by their fathers . Fatherlessness is the most harmful demographic trend of this generation . There are two kinds of absent fathers : [ 1 ] Those who are absent physically [ 2 ] Those who are present but emotionally unavailable . Men , the women can give the children nurture but you and I , the father 's give them their identity . You recognize me today as a Bailey . My mother gave me birth but my father gave me my identity and that is an important piece of the puzzle . I 've always known who I was , I am Eugene Bailey 's Son , I am Joe David Bailey 's grandson and Joe Bailey 's great - grandson . I am a Bailey . If you followed the last presidential election , you heard the name Ben Carson . Ben grew up in the inner city of Detroit . His fathers abandoned , he , his brother and mother when he was 8 years old . During the campaign , Ben talks a lot about his mom but he never mentions his father . My question is WHY ? I would suppose that the main reason Carson didn 't mention his father was because he didn 't really know him . He left them when Ben was eight years old . Basically , Ben grew up without a father . There is no doubt that he suffered due to the absence of his father . Ben Carson had an absent father , Ronald Wilson Reagan has an emotionally unavailable father . His father was a drunk who couldn 't keep a job . He wasn 't absent physically but he was emotionally . I don 't know which is worse , the absent father or the emotionally unavailable father . Men we are the PROVIDERS , PROTECTOR and the PRIEST of the home . The one thing that is required in all three is time . We do pretty good at providing but there is more to it than providing . We are also the Priest , the spiritual leader , the intercessor , the instructor . I always found my responsibilities to nurture my children spiritually was the most difficult part of being a father and I didn 't do a very good job . I have two primary goals for all my children and grandchildren : To love Jesus with all their heart and to love their neighbor as they love themselves . They don 't have to make a lot of money to please me ; they don 't have to win any awards . They don 't have to be the best at anything . My hearts desire and prayer to God is that they love Jesus . I will not lie , my goals have changed over the years . I one time , I dreamed of my son being a professional athlete and I admit that I was disappointed when he decided not to play college basketball . Sad to say , I was even disappointed when he told me the LORD was calling him to preach . But I was wrong on both counts and there is nothing he can do to make me prouder than his love for Jesus . You have heard me tell the story about the young seminary graduate that had a sermon intitled " Ten Ways To Raise Children . " Then he had children and before they all got in school , he changed his sermon to " Ten Suggestions For Raising Children . " And then his children became teenagers and he changed the sermon again , " Ten Things Not To Do Raising Children . " Build relationships . The fact that you are biologically linked doesn 't insure a relationship . You build a relationship by spending time with your children and you start when they are young . If you wait till they get to be teenagers , you are in trouble . Relationship building takes time and energy . Repair fractured relationships . Fathers : you are the one to initiate reconciliation for broken relationships . For Pete 's sake , don 't blame your children . You are the father . Take responsibility and work for a fix . Don 't act like a tough guy all the time . Be real , be gentle and convey your love verbally . Don 't give me that " My kids know I love them . " Are you sure they know . How many times have you told them . A dozen times , twice , once , never . I don 't care how well you provide or how much you give your children , they will doubt your love if you don 't reassure them . There may come a time when they will figure it out for themselves but you will probably been gone by the time they do . Be an Example : if you want them to be good to their mother , then you be good to their mother . If you want them to love Jesus , then you love Jesus . If you want them to put Christ 's Kingdom first , then you put it first . 11 Soon afterward Jesus went with his disciples to the village of Nain , and a large crowd followed him . 12 A funeral procession was coming out as he approached the village gate . The young man who had died was a widow 's only son , and a large crowd from the village was with her . 13 When the Lord saw her , his heart overflowed with compassion . " Don 't cry ! " he said . 14 Then he walked over to the coffin and touched it , and the bearers stopped . " Young man , " he said , " I tell you , get up . " 15 Then the dead boy sat up and began to talk ! And Jesus gave him back to his mother . 16 Great fear swept the crowd , and they praised God , saying , " A mighty prophet has risen among us , " and " God has visited his people today . " 17 And the news about Jesus spread throughout Judea and the surrounding countryside . Our world has changed drastically since the 1950 's when I was a child . My mother was a stay at home mom but that was true of practically mother in those days . Today this is true of an elite few . They say stay at home moms are on the rise , up to 29 % in 2012 and according to PEW RESEARCH it reached its all time low in 1999 with 23 % of moms working at home . This is encouraging but I find this statistic hard to believe . Most mothers I know work outside the home . Our kids grew up in the 8o 's and things have changed a lot in just that one generation . According to the United States Census Bureau , 7 out of 10 kids live with two parents and 6 out of 10 live with both biological parents but this includes those who are married and those who are cohabitating . At age twelve 55 % of children live with biological parents according to the Census which I do not believe is accurate . If you walk across the road to our middle and high school , you will not be able to verify those numbers . It is more likely to be 60 - 65 % not living with one or both biological parents . As a matter of fact , most kids do no have the same last name as the parent , grandparent or guardian they are living with . When our children were in school they would tell us about children who ask if they could live with us and did do some foster parenting with two high school students . By the way , I do not recommend that you take other children into your home without proper counseling and training . There are many things that have to be considered . Our youngest daughter said repeatedly that we were dysfunctional as a family so why would anyone want to move in with us . My wife cooked and we actually sat at a table and shared meals together . This was a dream to many of these kids . A dad that works and a mom who cooks and a family that eats together , wow ! Before you have a hearty laugh , you might ought to find out how many moms cook for their children these days . I 'm not talking about fast food or microwave food . Point is - things have really changed and some not for tToday we want to talk about a mother for whom we have no name ; all we know is she was a widow and had only one son and he was not very old . I 'm going to guess he was a teenager . We are going to talk about this particular mother in hopes that it will be an encouragement to every mother . When Jesus encounters this woman , she is crying . Her son has died mysteriously and they are on the way to the grave yard with the body . She is heart - broken . She has already suffered the loss of her husband which is underrated : Widows do not get the sympathy they deserve . Everyone in our society discounts the value of a man and the general consensus is : " Women are better off without them " but that is not how most widows feel . Have you noticed : " Good women have a tendency to love sorry men . " Sometimes we think they should be celebrating their freedom but in reality , they are literally grieving their loss . So she has lost a husband and now her only son and probably only child . This poor mother is devastated . Being a mother is not for sissies , it does involved pain . It begins with pain in giving birth but there is more to follow . Raising small children may seem relatively easy but just wait , children become teenagers and then you begin paying for your raising . The pain does not stop with high school graduation or even college or even employment . Sibling rivalries are real , very real and when there is more than one child , you are apt to deal with jealously and it is an ugly creature . Adult children can bring a lot of grief . I have spent time as a child sitting outside a locked door where my mother was grieving for my siblings that were grown . A mother loves her children and grief is the price we pay for love . A mother who does not grieve does not care . I had to learn the hard way that there are exceptions to the rule and there are mothers who do not care about their children . Several years ago [ middle 90 's ] I preached a sermon on MOTHER 's Day about appreciating your mother no matter what she had done . A young man heard the sermon and looked up his estranged mother who lived within 30 minutes of his home . She had abandon this boy when he was a small child and he really had no relationship with her but he worked up the nerve to call her and she told him , never to call again . By the time he got to my house , he was weeping out of control . It took me 20 minutes to find out what was going on . How could any mother do this to her own child ? I do not know . In the same service sat another young man about the same age whose mother abandon him when he was a small child . She left him and his brother with their daddy who was not well and died when the boys were teenagers . They literally raised themselves . His mother was living with another man 12 miles away . It was a humbling experience . So , I know there are some sorry mothers out there but they are thank God , the exception to the rule . A loving mother is a grieving mother . Jesus was moved by this woman 's tears . Had she not cared deeply about her son Jesus might not have stopped but He was moved by her grief . You talk about a great Mother 's Day gift , Jesus gave her the best , He gave her what she wanted most - her son . I love this story . This kid laying on the stretcher looked dead to everyone except Jesus . It amazes me the difference between how Jesus sees people and how we see people . When Jesus saw the kid , He saw him asleep and in need of being awakened . How hard is it to wake some one up from even a deep sleep . I was sitting in my chair this week reading and went sound of sleep . My secretary had no idea and she stuck her head in my office to tell me that she was going to the other buildings and she spoke before she looked and I jumped a foot off the ground . I was asleep but she woke me up . It was hard , she simply spoke . My wife knows how to wake me up . My 18 month old granddaughter knows how to wake me up . If someone is a sleep , we don 't panic , we just wake them up . Jesus saw this young fellow as being asleep , that is the way He sees what we call " Dead Folks . " The Greek word used here means to get up , to rise , to be aroused from sleep . Jesus simply spoke to this young man and told him to get up which he did . The power of His word brought through the barrier of physical death and the boy responded . What a mother 's day gift ! She got her son back . It is not always a new purse , a new car or a dozen roses that Mom wants . Sometimes the greatest gift is to get a child back . Mother 's have their share of grief ; ask Mary Mother of Jesus . When Simeon saw Mary and Joseph with Jesus at the temple , he said , " Sovereign Lord , now let your servant die in peace , as you have promised . I have seen your salvation , which you have prepared for all people . He is a light to reveal God to the nations , and he is the glory of your people Israel ! " Jesus ' parents were amazed at what was being said about him . Then Simeon blessed them , and he said to Mary , the baby 's mother , " This child is destined to cause many in Israel to fall , but he will be a joy to many others . He has been sent as a sign from God , but many will oppose him . As a result , the deepest thoughts of many hearts will be revealed . And a sword will pierce your very soul . " Simeon was right , Mary had her grief but in the end , she had her glory . In the kingdom of God suffering always leads to glory . The glory of this story is Jesus turned a funeral into a celebration of life . They were crying one minute and shouting the next . Jesus can turn our mourning into laughter , our sorrow into joy . He can turn our plain ordinariness into something with fantastic and exciting . Since you have been raised to new life with Christ , set your sights on the realities of heaven , where Christ sits in the place of honor at God 's right hand . Think about the things of heaven , not the things of earth . For you died to this life , and your real life is hidden with Christ in God . And when Christ , who is your life , is revealed to the whole world , you will share in all his glory . Let me share a secret that the world knows nothing about and I have on fear in you informing them of this secret because they are not going to believe you . Your real life is hidden with Christ in God . No one sees the real you other than God . You don 't even see it yourself . Paul said … " We have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view . At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view . How differently we know him now ! " Most people did not see the glory in Christ and they do not see it in you either but that doesn 't mean it is not there . I 've never seen the leaning tower of Pisa but this does not mean that it is not there . The key question : Is Christ in you ? [ 1 ] He is not in you by default . You did not get Christ with your first birth , you got Adam but not Christ . [ 2 ] He is not in you by proxy . He is not in you because your parents are believers . [ 3 ] He is not in you via Church Membership or Baptism . There is only one way that Christ will enter your life and that is by invitation . Have you invited Christ into your life to be your LORD and Savior . I have to be honest with you : He will forgive your sins but only if you repent of them . There is no precedent in scripture of Jesus rejecting anyone who came to HIM in humility , faith and repentance . You find one , email me the reference jack @ danvillebaptist . org . I am not worried , you will not find one . Come to Christ today . Come humbly , trusting Him and repent of your sins . He will save you : He has promised to save you . See how very much our Father loves us , for he calls us his children , and that is what we are ! But the people who belong to this world don 't recognize that we are God 's children because they don 't know him . 2 Dear friends , we are already God 's children , but he has not yet shown us what we will be like when Christ appears . But we do know that we will be like him , for we will see him as he really is . 3 And all who have this eager expectation will keep themselves pure , just as he is pure . So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view . At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view . How differently we know him now ! 17 This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person . The old life is gone ; a new life has begun !
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