text
stringlengths 114
320k
|
|---|
It 's hard to believe Big - Bug will be five years old tomorrow . It seems as if the time has gone by in a blink ! At the same time , I can 't even remember my life without him in it . To mark the occasion we are making some cupcakes with cherry buttercream frosting and sprinkles ! I am finally finding a way to break in my too - cute mini silicone baking cups as well . Assuming there isn 't too much snow tomorrow , Big - Bug will be going on a field trip with his preschool class . They are taking a tour of a local grocery store . He is very excited to experience his first school - day birthday and has picked out some cute bubble wands to distribute to his classmates to celebrate . This weekend we are expecting both sets of grandparents and my sister to arrive in town . We are going to have a small birthday party for Big - Bug at a local pizzeria and arcade ( by request . ) I am making Big - Bug a pirate themed cake with two varieties of cake and two varieties of frosting . I have been planning , designing and scheming about this cake for so long , I can hardly wait to get baking ! ! We are also planning some pirate sugar - cookies to give to our guests as favors , so I will be getting cozy in the kitchen for the remainder of the week ! I just LOVE to bake : ) It is like one big , tasty art project ! ! We hosted a play date at our house today and the kids had a ton of fun . I 've been trying to come up with some new ideas for children 's activities , and I had recently read about a cool way to paint with marbles . We gave it a try this afternoon and the paintings turned out really neat ! I set up a few stations with a shallow - sided box with a sheet of black construction paper inside , a few marbles and some tempera paint . The kids were able to select their paint colors , add a few drops ( or perhaps a large splurt ! ) of paint to their paper , then drop in the marbles and start rocking the box back and forth . The marbles running through the paint created some awesome patterns on the paper ! We will definitely be doing this project again in the future : ) The ship is painted ! ! I think I am going to do a second coat of the red once it is dry , but I am not 100 % convinced yet . I am a little fond of the semi - distressed look of one layer . Kind of gives me the impression the ship has been at sea for a while ; - ) I will admit it , I am in love with my bread machine . We lovingly call him " machinie " and he has made my life a wonderful thing . Who would have guessed a small kitchen appliance could make such a big difference ! Our little bread - making robot ( as the kids think of him ) has been making us fresh , homemade , preservative and additive free bread every day since he entered our family . We have even used him to make an incredible ( best EVER ) pizza dough as well . . . . yum ! I have been timing it just right so " Machinie " finishes our sandwich loaf in time for it to cool about an hour and be cut up for the day 's lunch . Today however , I was not on time getting the bread started ! As lunch time approached I could no longer deny the fact that our bread would NOT be making an appearance . Ordinarily I would just push lunch back a bit , but today is one of Big - Bug 's preschool days and I can 't send him off on an empty stomach ! As I surveyed the contents of my kitchen for alternate lunch options , I noticed the left over flour tortillas in the fridge . Suddenly . . . inspiration struck ! Drawing from the fabulous do - it - yourself sushi experience I had just last night , I was able to create a peanut butter " sushi " that the boys declared to be " DELICIOUS ! ! " It was really the most simple of things . I spread a wide band of peanut butter down the center of each tortilla , then spread strawberry jelly of the top of the peanut butter layer . Next I split a banana into it 's natural thirds ( making long , skinny strips ) and lay a banana strip on top of the peanut butter and jelly . Then I rolled the tortilla up , used a little peanut butter to stick it closed and sliced each tortilla into rolls . Presto ! Peanut butter " sushi " : ) The kids couldn 't get enough of it , and I have to say I enjoyed it as well . Aside from the fact that my kids are able to socialize with their peers and explore new concepts , ideas and environments , maybe the greatest part of my mother 's group is moms ' nights out ! It seems to happen just about once a week on our calendar , a game night , dessert , coffee , the movies and tonight . . . sushi ! But this wasn 't just any regular sushi night , this was a " roll your own " sushi night ! One of the awesome moms from our group invited us to her home where she and her husband gave us a crash course on home made sushi . She had an amazing spread of ingredients ranging from tempura shrimp , flake tuna , and smoked salmon to eel , sashimi and crab . The icing on the cake ? Her kind husband served as our personal sushi chef ! Giving us the step - by - step instructions , he assembled roll after roll of sushi , then plated it up complete with garnishes and served us ! After a fabulous meal of incredibly fresh sushi , we were treated to a bowl of plump strawberries and left to enjoy our " girl - time . " I am now convinced that every moms ' night out should involve a husband chef and waiter combo ; - ) beautifully arranged sushi Man , the weather has really been teasing us these past couple of weeks . We have had some beautiful days , some gusty , windy , rainy days , a power outage , even snow ! Mother nature can not make up her mind . This morning the sky was clear and blue , the sun was bright , the birds were singing and the air just smelled like damp earth and spring time . I spent my early hours in the front yard pruning my rose bushes , then poured myself a cup of coffee and sat down near the open window to listen to the song birds who were perched in the lilac bush outside my bedroom . I love these birds so much I found myself obsessing over ways to win their affection and encourage them to maintain a more permanent presence in our yard . Eventually I became convinced that we absolutely must set up a bird bath and feeder near the lilac bush . I set about browsing the infinite shopping possibilities on the internet , but slowly talked myself down and reminded myself it would be best to find a way to re - use or re - purpose something we already have laying around the house . The bird feeder was a piece of cake . I had some empty water bottles sitting in the back of my car , left over from a recent visit to a hospital waiting room . I also managed to find an unsharpened pencil with a missing eraser in the kids ' craft cupboard ( score ! ) I punched two small holes in the opposite sides of the base of the empty water bottle and slid the pencil through until it was centered . Then I cut two more holes ( slightly larger ) above the first two holes , filled the bottle with seed and replaced the cap , tied some twine around the neck of the bottle and . . . TA DA ! Instant bird feeder : ) I hung the feeder out on the lilac tree and then spent the next half hour obsessively staring out the window , waiting for a bird to land on the pencil perch and check it out . . . it never happened . But I have faith ! If you 're interested in making your own , and want to follow directions that are actually clear and well written . . . you can have a look here ! I 'm not sure how I am going to create a bird bath however . We don 't seem to have any old pie pans , cake pans or hub caps hanging around the house . I haven 't given up looking quite yet , but I DID find a local artist who forms bird baths out of concrete . If all else fails I will console myself with the knowledge that , even though I didn 't find a way to make a recycled bird bath , I purchased one that was created locally . This is a picture of a gray - crowned rosy finch . These little guys are all over our lilac bush ! Big - Bug is going to his first - ever school valentine 's day party this afternoon . All the kids in his preschool class made " mailboxes " out of shoe boxes last week and today they are gathering to eat goodies , make crafts and distribute their first valentine 's day cards . Big - Bug picked out some pretty awesome Toy Story 3 valentines that come with themed pencils . He then spent hours carefully writing out each of his classmate 's names on the cards and signing his own name along the bottom . It was great writing practice ! I have the valentines all bagged up , the shoebox ready to go , his outfit laid out , yep - we 're all set ! Or are we ? It suddenly occurred to me this morning that Big - Bug does not have valentine cards for his teacher and the two classroom aids ! Luckily , I just read a really cool blog post by my friend Peggy about homemade Valentine 's Day Yarn Hearts ! This seemed like a great craft the boys could whip together this morning before school . Since we only needed three valentines , Big - Bug was able to stick them together in no time and I popped them into the oven to speed - dry . To finish them off we just attached a ribbon hanger to each one with a little hot glue and added a gift tag . Simple , easy and fast ! Thanks Peggy : ) 3 . Prick holes into the bottom of the crust with a fork 4 . Bake shells at 400 degrees for 10 - 12 minutes until golden brown , cool . I hope everyone had a good valentine 's day today , I know I did ! For me , every holiday ( no matter how small ) is a fantastic excuse to cook up something new : ) Today started with heart - shaped french toast with sliced strawberries , then I enlisted Big - Bug and Middle - Bug to help me decorate some valentine 's day cupcakes ( naturally they needed to sample one as well when they were finished . ) These cupcakes were a huge triumph for me . I have been trying to replicate my favorite cupcake frosting for YEARS now , and today I am pretty sure I finally got it right ! Unfortunately , I didn 't write my proportions down . . . . so here 's hoping I can do it again next time : ) This afternoon , Hubby set up a wood working project in the garage and Big - Bug and Middle - Bug got to build a wooden ship with their Daddy while Little - Bug napped and I ran out to take care of a few errands . While I was out I picked up the mail and found a hilarious envelope from my in - laws . Of course , there was also a nice card inside , but this envelope is the best ! Hubby and I tucked the boys into bed early tonight and had our own valentine 's dinner just the two of us . I made Hubby 's favorite , spaghetti bolognese , and I spiced it up a little with a pear and prosciutto salad . We shared a nice bottle of lemon Perrier , since we aren 't big wine drinkers , and finished with a strawberry mascarpone tart . It was delicious ! ! Today was one of those unscheduled , rainy days that make it so easy to sit around and do nothing but read , drink coffee or play board games with the kids . Unfortunately for me ( or maybe fortunately ? ) Sundays are also the days I do my grocery shopping . So , rain or shine , every Sunday I trek out to the store for another shopping adventure . Today I was able to escape the house on my own ( since Little - Bug is on house rest following his outpatient surgery ) so you would imagine I was able to zip in and out of the store in record time , right ? Not a chance . The trip got off to a rocky start when I started up Hubby 's car and saw the gas light flashing at me . After a detour for gas , I made it to the store and started my routine shop . Since I make the same seven dinners each week , my grocery list is almost always the same . Obviously there are random additions here and there when I run out of pantry staples , or if I am making a dish to take to an event of some sort . You would imagine a person with a 7 day dinner rotation and a shopping list in hand should have a fairly easy time navigating the grocery store they shop at every single week , but that was not the case this afternoon . It has been a long time since I have felt so scatter - brained , but I couldn 't get organized in the store today for the life of me ! At one point I looked at my list and realized I had overlooked five ( yes five ) items that were all in opposite corners of the store * sigh * I finally managed to finish shopping , loaded up the car and was halfway home when I realized I forgot to buy bananas ( which were on the list ! ) So I had to make a second stop for groceries at the more expensive grocery store near the house before I could head back home . The grocery trip inspired me to clean out my fridge when I came home , which inspired Hubby to wash the dishes - he just wanted to be closer to me ; - ) While he was doing the dishes , Hubby decided it was high time we cleaned out our Brita pitcher and put it back to work . We had been all about the Brita in the rental house , but when we moved it was packed up with a little moisture left in the pitcher . We didn 't unpack the box with the Brita inside for a couple of months , so it had grown a little mildew in the process . I really wanted to make sure it got a good , intense cleaning before we put it back in the fridge . . . so it has sat in a cupboard , unused for the past 18 months . Thanks to Hubby 's scrubbin ' we now have a sparkling clean pitcher of ice - cold , filtered water in the fridge . Yum ! Later in the day , my sister called and I stepped outside to chat so I wouldn 't wake Little - Bug and Middle - Bug , who were taking naps while Hubby and Big - Bug played chess together . While I was outside I figured I might as well get something done , so I started to prune the shrubs that had been nagging away at me lately . It took me an hour and a half of chatting and clipping , but I was finally able to shape up the junipers and the rhododendrons ! I discovered it is quite challenging to operate loppers while holding a phone to your ear with your shoulder : ) We 've lived in our house for a year and a half and I have been itching to put a swing set up in our backyard since day one . While we were going through the process of house hunting two summers ago , the first thing I had to see at each new house was the back yard . I had to be able to envision my kids playing in that yard , myself planting a garden , putting up a fire pit , hosting BBQs , playing with a dog . If I couldn 't , the house was scratched from the list . When we found our current house the yard was love at first sight . We left the open - house and called our real estate agent to put on offer on the house an hour later . It was only when we were doing our final walk - through that I realized I had never even looked inside the kitchen cupboards or stepped foot inside the bathroom , the yard was all that mattered ! I could see the garden , the kids running through the sprinkler , playing fetch with our future dog , it was all there . I was never quite sure what type of play structure would be just right for our yard though , but I tested more than a few ideas over the past 18 months . Needless to say , I was becoming pretty discouraged when suddenly , an idea occurred to me . I could build the boys a play pirate ship that actually sits on the ground ! They would definitely enjoy the pretend - play aspect of a backyard ship , it wouldn 't require a safety buffer zone , and I could definitely do a little yard work while they sailed off on an adventure . I decided to get started on the project that very day ! We had some fence work done last summer ( thanks to a good friend of mine who drove 4 hours to build us our new fence extension ! ) and we removed a few old fence panels and still had them stacked up in our dog run in the back yard . With a saw , some old cedar fence panels , a couple of wooden stakes and some left over nails from the garage I was able to knock the boat together in an afternoon , and it looks pretty amazing if you ask me ; - ) Next I just needed to accessorize the ship and give it a coat of paint . The kids had a pirate flag hanging in their bedroom already , so I positioned the pirate ship near the cottonwood in our backyard and used the tree trunk as the ship 's mast . Then I secured the flag to the tree trunk and presto ! The other accessories and the paint were going to be a bit of a bigger challenge . As luck would have it , I received an email from Amazon . com a few days later asking me if I was interested in re - selling any of my old textbooks . Since I order most of my books from Amazon , they apparently knew which titles I had lying around . I logged in to check it out and quickly realized those books would be worth a lot more to me if I traded them in then they were worth gathering dust on my bookcase ! I shipped off a large box of textbooks and a week or so later , a nice credit was applied to my amazon account : ) I used a chunk of the credit immediately to order a couple cases of diapers ( oh joy ) and I also purchased a bread machine , which I have been wanting for quite some time . I was able to use the rest of the credit to purchase a playground steering wheel and telescope for the pirate ship , along with some glossy black and cherry red paint : ) ( If you are curious , I also picked up a set of popsicle molds ) I am now anxiously awaiting the arrival of good ol ' UPS so I can polish off that ship and snap a few pics ! Today I read about a really great line of children 's clothing called Barley & Birch . Apparently the company was started by a 26 year old law student who gained some spooky insight into the children 's clothing industry . Through some volunteer service work over seas and some domestic internships , she saw that many of the so - called " organic " children 's clothing is not even close to environmentally friendly or healthy . Many of the lines use organic cloth , which they ship overseas for manufacturing , then the clothes are dyed with dyes containing toxins and metals , then shipped back to the US and marketed as " green " and " healthy . " This woman decided to open her own clothing line in an attempt to provide a product that is truly good for the environment and good for our health . The company Barley & Birch is located in North Carolina and all the cotton for the clothing is grown in the state , all the manufacturing takes place in the state and the designing and dying of the shirts also takes place in the state . The clothing is made from real , organic cotton and all the dyes are natural and water - based . We hosted play group at our place yesterday morning and had a real great time : ) The boys and seven of their friends spent the late morning creating pet rocks out of landscape rocks from my flowerbeds , paint and craft supplies . Some of the creations were amazingly creative ! I was so impressed with the kids imaginations and the amount of effort they put into their painting . I even let Little - Bug get his hands ( and face ) messy , he had a blast ( and I was covered in paint by the time I got him cleaned up haha ) We now have three adorable critters guarding our front door : ) From time to time throughout my degree program , I have had a professor who requires proctored exams . I think most professors of online classes have a concern that their students may try to cheat if they are offered an open - access online exam ( after - all , for all they know the student has the textbook wide open , or is asking their friends to chime in on the answers . ) I have found professors take one of three approaches to combat this problem . 1 - They drop exams altogether and go with term papers instead , 2 - They put an extremely short time limit on the exams to make it impossible to finish unless you can whip through all the answers , 3 - They require a proctor . Having three children and a husband who works during the days , I GREATLY prefer professors who go with option 1 or 2 . Proctored exams requires me to find a sitter for the boys and drive an hour ( each way ) down to the campus where I check into a testing room and take my exam . If I could easily accommodate trips to the campus , I probably wouldn 't be in online classes ! ! Well , this term I have one class that is requiring proctors and not just a few . . . there are FIVE proctored exams within a ten week period . Four of these five exams are actually " quizzes , " which I have found other professors don 't normally bother to proctor . My first trip down to campus this term I spent an hour driving south - west , then I spent another 20 minutes circling campus looking for a parking space , next I trekked all around looking for the building I needed , only to realize I had left my ID card in the car , so I had to go back and start my walk again ! When I finally made it to the testing room , I checked in , got settled into a computer station , opened my exam and . . . . . there were two questions . Two . I was finished in 8 minutes and walking back to the car . So all told , I spent 2 1 / 2 hours of my day taking a 2 question quiz . * sigh * Since I now know what to expect , I have been dreading the remaining three quiz trips . Yesterday was quiz number 2 ( and also Hubby 's day off ) so I decided we would try to make the most of it . Hubby and the boys drove to Corvallis with me and dropped me off in the center of campus ( eliminating the parking problem AND allowing me to review my notes one last time on the drive down ) I walked straight to the testing center , took my quiz ( 2 questions , and took me 4 minutes ! ) Then they picked me back up and we headed out to do a little sight seeing . A good friend of mine had recently mentioned a cool toy store in Corvallis , so I had contacted her for the name and address . We went to check it out and I will admit , it was VERY cool ! I think we spent an hour walking around , inspecting each toy . Big - Bug 's favorite find was a game called " Castle Keep , " Middle - Bug was infatuated by a Curious George " Jack - in - the - box , " Little - Bug fell in love with a little animal shaped bouncer and Hubby was most impressed by a giant spinning top ! haha The boys each got to pick out a para - trooper to take home with them , and I must say it is the best $ 1 I ever spent ! They have been playing with those guys non - stop and even took them to bed last night . After the toy tour we stopped off at a pizza place called Woodstocks that another good friend of mine had recommended . This place makes some fantastic pizza ! The boys had to order their favorite ( pepperoni ) so Hubby and I were free to order our own pizza without worrying about kid - friendly toppings : ) We tried their " Spicy Beav " and it was delicious ! Pepperoni , sausage , mushrooms and olives with spicy Italian seasonings , I would definitely order it again . Naturally we ordered some of their garlic bread sticks as well , yummy ! I am hoping I will be able to schedule the rest of my tests on days Hubby is off work so we can do a little more exploring and make the drive feel more worth - while : ) It 's amazing how much someone 's words can impact our day , the way we feel , the way we see ourselves . Sometimes these words can bring us down , fill us with doubt , frustrate of anger us . Other times these words can lift us up , encourage us or brighten our day . Yesterday was one of those days when a small comment from a stranger put a smile on my face for the rest of the day . I do my weekly grocery shopping on the weekend and yesterday I hit up the store with all three boys in tow . Our grocery store has a children 's play area that the boys LOVE , so Big - Bug and Middle - Bug checked in to play while Little - Bug and I made the rounds . Once our cart was stuffed to the max with our weeks supply of groceries , we headed to the check out line . As I was loading our order onto the conveyor belt , I couldn 't help noticing the woman in front of me was inspecting each item I places on the belt . I was starting to get a little uncomfortable , thinking " WHAT are you looking at ! ! " When she turned to me with a kind smile and said " Looks healthy mom ! " I thanked her and we continued to make small talk about babies and motherhood until we finished checking out and parted ways . But even though our conversation ended , the impact of her words stayed with me all afternoon . Healthy eating is something that is so important to me , but the challenge of feeding unprocessed , nutritious meals to five people while maintaining a budget can be a bit of a challenge . I know I have a tendency to obsess over menu planning and really over - think food choices , so receiving approval from an unbiased , outside observer really means a lot to me ! Lately we have implemented a 7 - day meal rotation to take some of the pressure off of menu planning and to allow me to stock up on basic ingredients in bulk to help out the grocery budget ! So far it seems to be working well , 7 dinners provides enough variety for me to enjoy my meals without becoming bored ( which happens to me easily ) yet it is a small enough number of dinners that I can quickly memorize my recipes , making dinOur current dinner menu is : black bean - zucchini quesadillas with spinach salad red bean taco salad The kids do a pretty good job of eating each of the dinners , although Big - Bug sometimes has objections to his steamed broccoli . Most surprising to me is the fact that the boys always finish their salad first : ) Little - Bug has even started eating his , which is a big step for him since the texture must seem a little unusual for the little guy . The boys still eat their favorite lunch every day : PBJ , milk and apple slices , but Hubby and I have recently revised our lunch . Hubby is trying to eliminate refined sugar from his diet , so things like bread are off his menu for the time being . I am participating for moral support ( but I still love me some sugar ! ) Our new lunch consists of vegetable sticks , roasted cashews and almonds and cubes of cheese . It 's actually pretty satisfying and sometimes we throw in some apple slices : ) Big - Bug : " Mom , do butterflies have to dry their wings ? " ME : " Yes , actually they do . How did you know that ? " Big - Bug : " Oh , the moon just taught my imagination and my imagination told me . " Me : " Boys , you have been really well behaved today , thank you for that . " Middle - Bug : " Yeah , remember garbage trucks carry toys to the dump ? " Big - Bug : " Yeah , and garbage too , and plastic . " Middle - Bug : " Yeah , and stuff ! "
|
I 'm a 40 - something year old stay - at - home mom of two ( ages 5 and 7 . ) Life is exhausting , and yet , I still seem to be at a standstill . This is my blog where I can muse about the black hole of motherhood , proclaim my joys , vent my frustrations , and even flame about stuff once in a while . The radio station I listen to the most plays all Christmas music at this time of year . It 's kind of nice to have a station to go to to get in the mood , but I have two issues with how they implement this . First , the music starts shortly after Halloween . Really . Before Thanksgiving , still fall , still thinking about colorful leaves and Thanksgiving bounty , and I 'm bombarded with Christmas music . It 's just too soon . Second , what 's today , December 27 ? The third of TWELVE days of Christmas ? It 's gone . The Christmas music is gone . We 're all on vacation for a week , trying to enjoy the holidays , the tree , the new toys , and the music is gone - - back to the regularly scheduled music . I really just don 't get it . Are people really that eager for Christmas to start and then more eager for it to be over ? Is Christmas music really just background noise for shopping ? Sierra had her birthday party last Sunday . It was an Angelina Ballerina themed party at her ballet studio . Allison , the owner of the studio went above and beyond to create a memorable and beautiful party for the girls . And the girls all came so excited to dance ! Here 's some photos : The party room , decorated by the dance studioThe cake with Angelina Ballerina in fondant on top . . . yes , created by me ! Dancing in a lineLook at that form ! Dancing in a circleWhat the boys were doingDancing with ribbonsBlowing out candlesPoor Angelina after Sierra and Owen ate her . . . Yesterday , Owen turned six ! Six ! This seems like a major milestone to me . Five seems still so little . . . a toddler almost . Six . . . that 's like a boy . I mentioned this to my dad once and he told me his theory that the major milestone years ( particularly for parents ) are the sixes . At six , they 're getting on the bus and going to school . They 're beginning to establish some independence from their parents . They 're making friends at school and doing things you 're not even aware of . ( You know how hard it is to get a kid to tell you about his day at school ? ) At twelve , they 're about to become teenagers . They 're really really trying to establish more independence . They 're old enough to take care of other kids by babysitting . They 're starting to think about * gasp * relationships and sex . At eighteen , well , you know . They 're adults . They 're leaving home , hopefully , for college . ' Nuff said . So after that , do the six - year milestones continue ? Or do we switch over to the ten - year milestones ? Is there anything particularly significant about 24 ? 30 ? ( Well that one coincides . . . . ) 36 ? 42 ? ( Perhaps 42 is when we become " old " . . . . Yikes ! I 'm 42 ! ) I would say that a lot of these ages were turning points for me in my life . What about you ? But I digress . Owen . Owen is six . Yesterday we had a fabulous party at the Higgins Armory Museum and ate a giant castle birthday cake that Owen and I got to cut with a sword ! ( Yes , I did make the cake . . . of course ! ) And the rest of the party was fabulous too . The kids played in the hands - on Quest Gallery : Owen got knighted : ( Look at that face - - pure happiness ! ) And the kids made shields : We all had a blast ! Owen was peeing tonight before bed and stalled . I went in and asked him if something was wrong or if he needed help . He turned and said , " I have a question . A question about bodies . " Since he said this while standing in front of the toilet holding his penis , I asked if he wanted to talk to daddy , at which point Daddy came over , too . Owen asked , " Do girls have balls ? " We explained , that , no , they don 't . " Girls don 't have intesticles ? " " What are testicles for ? " Wow . We weren 't quite sure how to answer that , but it was certainly a good question . When we told him it was something he would understand when he 's older , he said , " Just explain it to me , I 'll understand ! " Of course you will , sweetie , of course . We explained something about babies starting from two cells , one from a mommy and one from a daddy and testicles make the cells that come from the daddy for making a baby . He looked at us with a puzzled look and admitted that he didn 't really understand . Don 't worry , son , you will . The other day I decided to make tacos for dinner . I was sure that I had all the ingredients I needed , so I defrosted chicken ( an nice variation to the ground turkey now and then ) . I went to get the taco seasoning packet and discovered I didn 't have any . Ok , no biggie , I 'm resourceful . I looked up a recipe online for taco seasoning to replicate the seasoning packet and sure enough , the internet did not let me down ! I didn 't have all the ingredients exactly , but I had enough to wing it and come up with something surprisingly good ! Ok , so then , I had everything basically prepared ( and by everything , I mean the few fixings my family will eat : cheese and grated carrots ) and I discovered I only had three tortillas . Uh oh ! Now here 's where the new summer version of tacos recipe comes in ! I did have some romaine lettuce . I prepared a plate of separated lettuce leaves and Steve and I used these instead of tortillas ! I just put the fixings along the spine of the leaf and wrapped the leaf around lengthwise and voila , a yummy , healthy version of tacos . ( I wish I had taken a photo for you - - it looked very summery and delicious . ) This is quite a belated post because someone just asked me for advice on making an owl cake for her daughter and when I went to point her to my blog post about my Hedwig cake , I realized I didn 't have a post about it ! So for my nephew 's 6th birthday , he had a Harry Potter party . Having just recently used my new Williams - Sonoma stand - up bear cake pan to make a Dorothy Bear cake . I had this sudden inspiration where I could " see " the owl inside the bear by turning the bear around . The arms become wings , the legs and feet get shaved down to be a tail , and the ears , nose , and bear tail are removed . Now the back of the bear 's head is the owl 's face . Can you " see " it ? : Maybe you can see it from this angle : Anyway , here is how the cake turned out . I really love this particular cake because I was able to create something fairly unique , but I did it using a shaped pan that I already had , so the sculpting was minimized . ( Unfortunately , I did have an engineering flaw where I propped up the owl part of the cake with cut off platic straws stuck in the bottom cake . The bottom cake was just from a mix , so not a particularly firm cake , and the straws holding the front of the owl failed in the car on the way over . Poor Hedwig was trying to take a nose - dive and poor hubby was trying to balance the whole cake tray to avoid complete catastrophe . Needless to say , Hedwig needed some repairs on arrival and her beautiful feet were never the same . . . . ) Well , I just finished and delivered the cake I needed to do for the school 's auction winner . The birthday girl decided on a dog theme , so not wanting to leave my bear pan idle , I talked her into a dog - sitting - in - a - bowl - of - dog - food cake . Here 's the photos : The Final CakeAnother ViewAt Home , Prior to Final AssemblyCute , huh ? Hopefully the two halves of the dog will stay together until the party tomorrow afternoon . . . . [ Note : This cake was baked in the Williams - Sonoma Build - a - Bear cake pan . The bear ears and tail were removed and using gum - paste ( homemade fondant with gum - tex added ) I built up the snout , added dog ears and a dog tail . The bowl is just an 8 " layer cake , tapered , with cocoa puffs added for dog kibble . ] I found this old photo of Nikita the other day and decided to scan it in . This is back when she was a young cat ( maybe 2 or 3 years old ? ) and she used to play fetch ( incessantly ! ) with little plastic rings . It is nice not having to worry about the cat any more , but I do miss her . The other night , in the middle of the night , Owen came into our bed . He was really , really upset and crying . He told us he had a bad dream , so we asked him to tell us about it . He said , " We were in an elevator and Sierra said she forgot her hat and ran off the elevator and I didn 't make it off , . . . " and then he started bawling . " So you got left on an elevator by yourself ? " we asked . " Yes , " he said . So we comforted him and got him back to bed . I found it very sweet that what was so scary to him was not monsters , or things chasing him , or stuff like that , but it was being alone without his parents . We did assure him that yes , getting left in an elevator would be a little scary , which is why we 're always so careful to not let that happen , but that we would be able to find him again very quickly and he would be ok . It 's been a month since my trip and I still haven 't posted any photos ! I put together movie / slideshow with what I consider the best of the photos . Unfortunately , I think almost all the photos are good , so my first version was more than 20 minutes long and wouldn 't upload ! So I created a shorter version ( < 5min ) . I keep meaning to sort the photos ( they 're a bit out of order , ) but I 'll post this and update it if I ever make improvements . Wow . Michael Jackson died . Shocker . Do you hear the sarcasm ? It 's not that I don 't respect what he did for the music and entertainment industry , or that I don 't think he was extraordinarily talented , or that I don 't think it 's profoundly sad that he died . ( It 's profoundly sad when anyone dies . ) It 's just that I really feel that what was sad was his life . MJ was clearly emotionally disturbed . He exhibited bizarre behaviors , he had severe self - image problems that led to anorexia and severe self - mutilation ( yes , all that disgusting plastic surgery was a form of self - mutilation , ) and he was addicted to drugs . What did people think was going to happen ? Why do we wait until something tragic happens to decide to mourn ? Why didn 't all the people that profess to love him try to save him ? I know , I know , it 's really not that simple . When someone is alive , his life is private and not for us to intrude . Everything only becomes public and sad after their death . But honestly , MJ 's death was not a shock to me . I have been sad about his life for a long time . I certainly hope that he is at peace now . Steve overheard the kids talking this afternoon . Owen was telling Sierra that his friends were going to be going to Kindergarten next week ( we think he meant next year at a different school ) and he wouldn 't have any friends at school anymore . Sierra said , " If you just say ' hi ' to people , then you 'll make new friends ! " She 's a genius ! I had a good Mother 's Day . We took the kids to the Natick Collection Mall to have pictures taken with their cousins and Grammy . Then we had dinner with all of them . The kids were well behaved the whole time and they both ate their dinner . You can 't ask for more than that . But wait . . . there is more . Here are photos of the gifts they gave me . Every year at their pre - school , every kids paints a silk scarf . They each pick three colors and the scarf gets pinned down to a long piece of rice paper , which becomes the card / wrapping paper . Here 's what I got : ( Click on the one with the rice paper scrolls so you can read what Owen answered to " What is a mother ? " ) Yesterday we went to my nephew 's birthday party , which was a Harry Potter party . The activities were extraordinary - - buying wands and capes on Diagon Alley , attending a sorting ceremony complete with talking sorting hat , taking a potions class , practicing Quiddich , reading tea leaves in devinations class , and having a feast . While buying a wand they got to try out the levitating charm , " Wingardium Leviosa , " and a lighting charm , " Lumos . " ( My brother - in - law rigged up a candle light to a remote and a coke can on a string so the kids could make the charms " work " with the right wand . Cool , huh ? ) Later on , after dinner , Sierra went to the bathroom on her own . My sister - in - law went in there a couple of times asking if she needed help , but she said " no . " She was standing on the potty stool with her pants down in a puddle of her own pee , repeating over and over , " In gardium mariosa ! " I believe she may have been trying to levitate her pee into the toilet . . . . 1 . Nikita picked me at the animal shelter . 2 . She always used the litter box . 3 . She played fetch . 4 . The tip of her tail had an inch of orange and white stripes with the cutest white tuft at the end . 5 . She was so soft and loved to be scratched in the downy fur behind her ears . 6 . She was affectionate and snuggley ( but not annoyingly so . ) 7 . She helped me through a very hard time in my life . 8 . When I had kids , I thought she would be jealous and spiteful , but instead she was fiercely protective . 9 . She was my friend . 10 . Nikita is in the ground and she 's helping grow flowers . You know , that 's a pretty nice job for a cat . * * Taken from " The Tenth Good Thing About Barney " by Judith Viorst . RIP Nikita . You were loved . I will remember you fondly . You are now at peace . I took the cat to the vet today . I took her about a month ago because the vomiting and loose stools seemed to be getting out of control . At that point she was sneezing a bunch , but the vet didn 't seem to make much of that . Since then , her sneezing has seemed to turn into some sort of upper respiratory infection , she sneezes all the time , she 's lost a tooth , her mouth is irritated , and now suddenly there 's a whole bunch of mucus coming out of her mouth and nose . Plus she 's not eating ( probably because of the mouth irritations ) and she lost a pound in a month . The vet says she has a heart murmur . It 's hard to know what this all really means without a lot of expensive testing . But I don 't really want to spend a lot of money prolonging the life of a cat that 's really lived a good , long , mostly happy life and whose life is really not very high quality any more . I told the vet that I really just want to make sure she 's comfortable . At that point he gave me the option of putting her down . ( And , of course , waterworks that I am , I started crying . ) So anyway , we decided today to give her shot of antibiotic for whatever infection she my have , give her intravenous rehydration , and switch her diet to wet food to see if she 'll eat and gain any weight back . So now , after the vet opened up the discussion of putting her down , I feel like I have permission to think about it and really examine the cat 's quality of life and comfort to evaluate when is the right time . The thought of it makes me feel horribly sad , guilty , and , at the same time , a bit relieved . There 's a lot to think about , including how to discuss this with the kids . Steve thinks that we shouldn 't let them know that we 're ever choosing to end the cat 's life , in case they think we might do that to them . Perhaps we might tell them that we 're bringing the cat to a place where they care for very old animals until they die . ( Kind of a stretch of the truth - - a very long stretch . ) It 's not that we want to completely avoid the topic of death , just anything that might scare thPosted by I know , I know , this is getting old . But this one turned out really cute ! I made my niece a Lavender Flower Fairy Tutu for her 3rd birthday . I wish I could have been there to see if she liked it ! ( She was the one that got the Snow White cake . ) Here 's Sierra modeling it for me : I have to say , my favorite part of making a cake is seeing the reaction of the recipient . Last night ( late ! ) I finished making a Snow White cake for my niece . Her party is this weekend , but we will be away . : - ( So , here 's my first attempt at a princess doll cake . ( I 'm sure they 'll be more ! ) ( I 'm a little disappointed that the pearl luster dust on the skirt didn 't show up very well , but otherwise , I think she turned out well . ) This past weekend I made cupcakes to go with the Dorothy Bear cake at the school 's fundraising auction . I wasn 't sure if anyone would cut the bear cake , or if it would be too dense to eat , so I wanted to also make something yummy to go with it . Here 's how I displayed it : Everyone seemed to love the cupcakes , so I 'm posting the recipe here . I 'll start with the recipe as I found it ( online somewhere ) and then I 'll tell you my variations . Dark Chocolate Zucchini Cake1 box dark chocolate cake mix1 / 2 cup vegetable oil4 eggs1 teaspoon vanilla extract1 medium size zucchini ( 2 cups grated ) 1 cup chocolate chips1 / 2 cup chopped nuts1 / 2 cup white raisins ( sultanas ) In a large mixing bowl , add cake mix , eggs , oil , and vanilla extract . Beat until well blended . Stir in the chopped nuts , grated zucchini , chocolate chips , and raisins . Heat oven to 350 degrees F . Grease a 13x9inch cake pan . Pour batter into prepared pan . Bake for 30 to 40 minutes . Cool the cake , then frost with cream cheese frosting of your choice . My variations : I always make this as mini cupcakes . Bake them for a much shorter period of time . I don 't remember exactly how long - - just keep checking after about 10 or 15 minutes . ( You know , until the toothpick comes out . . . . ) ( Someday maybe I 'll try it as a cake ! ) The second time I made these with regular raisins rather than white raisins . I like this much better . The dark raisins you can 't see , and they just add a hint of something juicy and sweet in the cupcake . Next time I might add a little bit more zucchini - - it was not noticeable , and I think you could push the health factor . Leave out the nuts if you need to , although I like them . I might even add a few more nuts and raisins .
|
Posts 8 Thanks for the welcome foxs . I 'll check out some of the other translated works soon . I read some of Jin Yong and Gu Long 's works from wuxiapedia a while back . It 's nice to finally get the chance to read Huang Yi 's work . Thanks for doing this . Weed , Anh , Szfong , Janger , you are welcome . Grundle , I know you don 't have to stop by since you already read the book , hence I thank you for your support . Strawberry , while I still have time . . . Scrapper , unfortunately , wuxiapedia has been dormant for years . Too bad . They have good collection . Eastern Heretic , I disagree with your assessment , but thanks anyway . Book 1 Chapter 5 - Thunder in a clear blue sky Worried that he had nobody to share his glory , Kou Zhong sat up in excitement and said , " Xiao Ling , did you see it ? In Yangzhou we were beggars and ruffians , but as soon as we left Yangzhou city walls , we became big shot young masters . In all our life , this is the first time we ever slept on such a comfortable bed , hugging delicious quilt and having sweet dreams . Taking off and putting on clothes we have young beauties waiting upon us . Ah ! Having that sister Xiao Juan 's small hands rubbing my body , I already feel like becoming the Prime Minister . " Kou Zhong laughed quietly and said , " Set your twelve thousand hearts at ease . After we have our stomach full , we 'll come back here to pick up some good souvenirs , and then find any excuse , for example , we want to go sightseeing around town or something like that . Once we are out of town , won 't it be easy to escape ? " Evidently he had revealed the load in Xu Ziling 's mind , since he stayed silent . Kou Zhong scooted over and held his shoulders as he said , " One world two brother . Xiao Ling , are you in love with her ? " Shrugging his shoulders , Xu Ziling said , " Just go to your mother . Based on her age , she is at least half my mother . Besides , just like she said , we don 't have qualifications to have any discussion with her . I was just wondering , you , this muddle - headed fellow , have always loved to look at pretty women . This woman is more beautiful than any women we have ever seen so far . Why did you always try to push her away ? On the surface she appears fierce , but her treatment to us is really not bad . Otherwise she would not have sent us to the city gate . " Kou Zhong sighed and said , " I am merely thinking about our future outlook . Precisely because this woman 's beauty is difficult to deal with , plus we have had intimate contact with her , that 's why we must especially guard against her . Men of character attach most importance to their exploits , especially since we have not achieve it yet , we must abstain from infatuation of beauty , to such an extent as to dampen our magnificent aspiration … Hey ! Why are you laughing … ? Ha … " Kou Zhong rubbed his still unbearably sore legs . " Let me swindle horses from County Deputy Chen later , I 'll say that we want stroll around on horseback . That way when we slip away later we can do it a bit faster , plus we could have substitute for the curse on our , Prime Minister and Great General 's legs . " As soon as the gate opened , like a tornado the short and fat County Deputy Chen burst in . Reaching the two boys ' bed , he saluted in a flurry and said , " It 's good that two Da Shaoye [ big young masters ] are awake . Last night subordinate officer received news that your respected uncle Yuwen Daren [ see Chapter 4 ] has dispatched people everywhere to find out the two Da Shaoye 's whereabouts . That very night I sent fast courier to get in contact with Yuwen Daren . He might arrive any moment . When two Da Shaoye see your respected uncle , please do not forget to say a few good words on subordinate officer 's behalf . " County Deputy Chen thought that they were dumbstruck from extreme joy ; he bowed respectfully with clasped hands and said , " I have instructed the servants to serve the two Gongzi [ young master ] taking a bath and changing clothes . Subordinate officer will wait in the main hall for two Gongzi to have breakfast together . Please excuse subordinate officer for now . " Kou Zhong wished he could pinch him dead , but of course his face showed that he gladly accepted the suggestion . " Xian Daren [ lit . county officer ] is indeed very thoughtful , " he said , " Hey ! Xian Daren 's kindness to us , we , two brothers , will definitely report to Uncle as things really are , so that he could evaluate the merit and bestow reward accordingly . It 's just that what we , two brothers , fear the most is staying idle inside . How about this : is there any fine courtyard or first class brothel where we can seek pleasure ? Ay , ever since leaving Dadu [ old name of Beijing , lit . great capital ] , we have not … Hey ! Xian Daren should know what we are talking about . Originally we thought that as soon as we reach Yangzhou , we could have a bit of fun . Now that we have slept well , we are full of energy and in high spirit ; no matter what , we must go … Ha … this kind of trivial matter , naturally we must not bother Xian Daren . " Beipo County could be considered the biggest county around Yangzhou . In term of liveliness , it was not too far inferior to Yangzhou . Because the county fell under Jiangdu 's jurisdiction , plus it had direct export channel , the handicraft industry was particularly flourishing . Actually , Kou Zhong , who has always been quick - witted , has already had a plan . He thought that if they could hide inside the room with the pleasure house lady , then they would have a chance to evade these people 's eyes . But whether they would be successful in escaping , it was still unknown ; hence the reason they were still secretly worried . The carriage made a grand entrance into the courtyard . The two fake young masters followed County Deputy Chen stepping down from the carriage , and were greeted by a few bleary eyed and averaged - looking prostitutes , under the leadership of the brothel proprietress . As the two boys looked at each other with wry smile on their faces , suddenly the sound of hoof beats was hear from afar , but coming toward them , fast . County Deputy Chen and his bailiffs still did not know what was going on , one after another they were thrown out in all directions . In the confusion they seemed to see a white shadow descending from the sky . But by the time they were able to crawl up , Kou Zhong and Xu Ziling had already disappeared without a trace , leaving only swirling dust that was still hanging in the air . Without even thinking the woman - in - white got into one of the boats and tossed the two boys on the deck . With her sword she cut the mooring rope , and then she grabbed the oar and vigorously started to row , splashing water everywhere . The boat glided on the water like an arrow , leaving the angry shouts of pursuing fishermen far behind . Strawberry , I don 't think you 'll have any problem here . Anh , you are welcome . I 'll try to finish Chapter 5 tomorrow or Monday morning ( US time ) at the latest . Tossed by the woman - in - white , the two boys were aching all over ; whining and groaning they sat up . You look at me I look at you , they saw the frosty face of the woman - in - white ; how could they dare to speak ? The atmosphere was extremely terrifying . The woman - in - white condescendingly said , " I did not do it out of the kindness of my heart . It 's just that if I can make Yuwen Huaji not happy , I 'll do it in a heartbeat . So there is no need to thank me . When we arrive at Danyang , we will go our separate ways , and henceforth I forbid you to even mention me . Or else I will come and chop your little doggies ' head . " The woman - in - white 's eyes flashed in anger , but then she softened . When she spoke up , there was no trace of anger in her voice . " Even if you do obeisance and enter Turkic people 's ' Wu Zun ' [ Revered Martial Art ] Bi Xuan [ lit . complete mystery ] school , don 't even think that you would achieve any considerable skill . Therefore , it would be best if you forget this dream of yours . Go learn a good craftsmanship , make your living , take a wife , have children , and enjoy your life to the fullest . That will be the most decent thing to do . " The woman - in - white sighed . She looked down at the two boys tenderly , and then with an unusually gentle voice she said , " You must have realized that you are not even qualified to have me lying to you . Your natural endowment is actually better than most people I 've ever seen . Take last night for example , after being tossed around like that you did not get sick , it is indeed hard to come by . But you do lack the good fortune . " While still rowing , the woman - in - white replied , " It 's the good fortune of training . All who wish to excel above the masses and become martial art expert must start their training since childhood . According to my Shifu , anybody who wants to learn anything until achieving the ' what the heart wishes , the hand accomplishes ' level , the most important period is the ten years between the age of five until fifteen . Just like learning language ; if one starts to learn after this period , no matter what the pronunciation will not be just right . [ Translator 's note : the term here refers to the pronunciation of Chinese characters . ] Martial art is also the same . Supposing you start today , no matter how hard you work , you will spend twice the effort to get half the result . If you only learn enough skill to run errands , sooner or later you will be killed . In that case , it will be better if you did not learn at all . Do you understand ? " The two boys stared blankly at her . They felt their hands and feet icy - cold ; their world seemed to lose its life force and meaning . Kou Zhong has always had unyielding nature ; he patted the treasured book behind his back and loudly said , " Maybe we are an exception ? Furthermore , we still have the secret manual . Don 't you think our case is a bit different ? " For the first time the woman - in - white 's eyes showed pity . Shaking her head , she said , " The truth is always hard to accept . The book you have , I 've already looked . It is called ' The Secret to Long Life ' . It is indeed a treasury of the Taoists , but it has nothing to do with martial art . You 'd better find a place where you can throw it away . Otherwise , you may face disaster because of it . Ay , in my opinion , that book is just a lie ; how could human beings can achieve immortality ? " Danyang was the biggest town in the upper reaches of Yangzhou ; it was the route that has to be taken if one was to go from the inland out to sea via Yangzhou . In importance , it was second only to Yangzhou . The only thing it lacked was , of course , the Grand Canal that linked the north and the south . The scenery inside the city was unique ; the river weaved through it , adorned with hundreds of stone arch bridges over the river course . People built their lives around the water ; high and low , row upon row of houses strewn at random . Where there was water there was street , where there was water there was market , where there was water there was road . Water , road , bridge , building , mixed into one entity , into one tranquil , pristine water scenery ; tender and soft was water . Upon entering the gate , they followed the main street going deep into the city ; both sides of the street were lined with shops that people used as a place of business at the front , and as residence at the rear . The shop fronts were open , bright with the light from sunroof , and filled with all kinds of goods and arts and crafts products ; it was extremely flourishing . The number of visitors was not a few either ; it could even be said that the customers crowded these shops like a cloud . Kou Zhong and Xu Ziling have not eaten for half a day and one full night . Although they were not in a good mood , they still had to fight the feeling of the empty stomach ; while the woman - in - white did not even seem to notice they were passing many restaurants already , she simply walked straight ahead . Kou Zhong could not help coming over to her , coughed lightly , and said , " Shouldn 't we pay a visit to the temple of five viscera first ? " [ Translator 's note : I guess it 's a slang to refer to eating . Five viscera : heart , liver , spleen , lungs , kidneys . ] With a cold laugh the woman - in - white said , " So if I have money than it would be the same as you have money ? Have you looked into the mirror recently ? Besides , my money , along with my bundle , has long ago fallen into the bottom of the river when you , two little demons , crashed the boat and capsized it . Yesterday you had people serving you two meals , you had ample food and clothing , while I haven 't had even half mantou [ steamed roll ] to eat . And now you are still blaming me for not taking you for a big feast ? " Kou Zhong was indignant . " Are you angry with us ? " he said , " If our boat did not capsize , Yuwen Huagu would have catch up with us early on . At best we would be turned into bones by him [ Translator 's note : play of words , gu hua , gu - bone , hua - transform ] ; but Dashi has countenance of flower , face like the moon . I guarantee that you will be taken as a concubine by that strange Yuwen fellow . " The woman - in - white stopped abruptly . The two boys thought she was going to make things difficult for them ; they were ready to run to two different directions . The woman - in - white was taken aback ; looking at the two boys ' scared expression , she could not stop an amused look from appearing on her face for the first time . And then when she saw the boys ' stunned expression , she really smiled and said , " You two little demons , wait here for a moment , let me get some silver , and then I 'll take you to a nice meal . Afterwards all kindness and benevolence will cease , we 'll have nothing to do with each other . " When she spoke the last two sentences , she was imitating Kou Zhong 's style ; she broke into laughter and walked toward a shop on the left . Kou Zhong looked up and found out that it was actually a pawnshop . He quickly blocked her and said solemnly , " Pawning stuff ? Nobody is more adept than me . " With a wry smile Kou Zhong said , " While the world is in chaos , the one without prospect the most is precisely a rotten ghost scholar . But I still don 't believe her mother 's opinion that ' The Secret to Long Life ' is completely unrelated to martial art . Although there is no Taoist priest who achieves immortality , we can see highly skilled Taoist priests on the street . From this we can clearly see that even though we cannot train to be immortal , we can still train to have exceptional martial art skill . " Kou Zhong said , " I think she could see that our bones are much better than hers ; afraid that in the future we can surpass her head , she intentionally spoke some discouraging words so that we will lose heart . Ay … " Evidently he also felt that by what he said he was just deceiving himself ; hence he did not continue . In the meantime , the woman - in - white walked out in high spirits . The two boys hurriedly came over to her . The woman - in - white said in a low voice , " Listen up , you two little demons , if I hear you call me behind my back ' this woman ' or ' that woman ' , I will cut off both of you , little doggies . " [ Reminder : the word ' woman ' ( po niang ) is usually used derogatorily . ] There were more than a dozen tables , half were filled with diners . On one table , there was a respectable - looking young man wearing luxurious clothing ; one look and others could see that he was the son of a prominent family . He repeatedly cast a glance toward the woman - in - white ; apparently he was mesmerized by her beauty . It was the first time that Kou Zhong and Xu Ziling felt that the woman - in - white really cared about them , but at this moment the vegetables and meat dishes arrived , the two boys did not have time to think further . They leaned forward on the table and gorged themselves without any care of the world . It was actually very unsightly . The woman - in - white sighed . She took out more than ten taels of fine silver and put it on the table in front of the two boys . She said softly , " Thinking about the trials and tribulations ahead , I am giving this money to you . Although right now there is confusion of war [ orig . fire beacons in all four directions ] everywhere , the South is still comparably peaceful . However , this peace won 't last long , it will be dangerous later . It 's not advisable for you to stay long . You two must behave . " ' Slam ! ' The woman - in - white took out a string of five zhu coins [ 1 zhu is 1 / 24 of a tael ] and tossed it on the table . She said indignantly , " I don 't want anybody else pay my bills , take it ! " Suddenly they felt something was different . A whiff of fragrance breeze blew , the woman - in - white came from behind and joined them ; they walked together side by side . The boys were inwardly very happy , but they did not dare to express it ; they did not dare to ask her even more . When the gate was in sight , the woman - in - white coldly said , " Don 't you two have any ideas . I am just afraid that Yuwen Huaji would catch up with you and take your ' Secret to Long Life ' and present it to the tyrant and get the credit for it , before he finally send you away to a distant land . I am doing this to deal with Yuwen Huagu [ sic ] , not that I have any particular good impression toward you , the two little demons . " Xu Ziling could not stand it anymore . He halted his steps and angrily said , " That being the case , no need to bother Dashi anymore . We have hands and feet , and we know how to run away . We don 't need your money either . Kou Zhong , give the money back to her ! " " Pfft ! " the woman - in - white stifled her laugher , reached out to grab the two boys ' arms , and pulled them to walk with her quickly . The instant they left the city gate , while heading toward the river , she released them and said , " Why such a temper ? In all my life I have never learned how to curry favor like those girls trafficked into a brothel to work as prostitute ; I have always lived a solitary life . Just consider I have offended you . " It was the first time she was willing to lower her guard and plead with them . Xu Ziling , who actually had magnanimous nature , felt very bad instead . With a slight blush on his tender face , he said , " It 's not that I 've never been looked down upon by others , it 's just that when Dashi looked down on me , I feel exceptionally angry and feel it was extremely unfair . " The woman - in - white elbowed Kou Zhong 's flank that he doubled - over in pain . She pointed her finger at him and angrily said , " If you dare to say such again to your Miss , I will … I will slap your mouth . " She had wanted to say that she would kill Kou Zhong , but knowing that she would not have the heart to do so , she corrected herself just in time and said a much lighter punishment instead . Still clutching the painful spot , Kou Zhong stood up . He and Xu Ziling looked at the speaker up and down . Turned out it was the young master at the restaurant a while ago , the one who could not keep his eyes from the woman - in - white , and the one who later on settled their bill . This man indeed looked naturally handsome , his demeanor was elegant , and he was still half a head taller than Xu Ziling , but did not look like a weak scholar . His back was straight , his shoulders broad . Although he was dressed like a scholar , he gave the impression of someone who was well - versed in martial art . The young master was not offended at all ; raising his cupped fist , he said , " Let me , Song Shidao , offer my apology first for offending a beauty . Zaixia [ I , humble , see Chapter 4 ] did not dare to be presumptuous ; it 's just that noticing that Miss seemed to be puzzled by the boats turning back on the river , I ventured to inquire . There is no other intention . " Song Shidao was overwhelmed by the beauty 's favor ; he said in great delight , " The reason is Li Zitong 's militia army from East China Sea ; they had just crossed the Huai River , and formed an alliance with Du Fuwei , dealing a heavy blow to the Sui ( Dynasty ) army . Furthermore , they are sending an army going south . They are fast approaching Liyang . If Liyang is under attack , Yangtze River 's waterway will be cutoff . Therefore , right now everybody simply adopts wait - and - see approach . Nobody dares to venture to the west without being able to see the situation clearly . " With a straight face Song Shidao said , " How could Zaixia dare to ' swing an axe before a carpenter ' in Miss ' presence ? It 's just that my humble family can be considered as having a bit of reputation . As long as we fly our banner on the boat , friends on the road will give us a bit of face . " The woman - in - white swept the two boys with her gaze while she pondered in silence . Evidently she was a bit tempted . Traveling with the two kids by land , not only it was time consuming , they were bound to meet some mishaps as well . But if they travel by water and managed to cross Liyang , they would not have to be afraid Yuwen Huaji would catch up with them . Song Shidao was puzzled , but recalling that the beauty has agreed to come onboard , there was no need for him to worry that he would not have the opportunity to win her favor later . So why would he have to worry about other things ? Therefore , he happily ran after her . Posts 71 Thank you Foxs ! ! I can already sense epic arc forming . . Likable characters and story with lots of unexpected twist just like ASITP . . How exactly long is this story ? Look forward to reading more Reply With Quote 11 - 24 - 14 , 01 : 03 AM Yan , this novel has 63 books , and we are only halfway thru the first book . Strawberry , Jiraiyan , Weed , Anh , Janger , you are welcome . Grundle , thanks for your support . Happy Thanksgiving to you in the US . With the holiday coming , I will try to get more updates the rest of this week . The fact was that at that time in Jianghu , in term of outstanding reputation , nothing can surpass the four powerful clans . But speaking about popularity , out of four surnames , only the Song family fit the bill . The Songs held the most power in the south . The Clan Leader , ' Heavenly Saber ' Song Que held the title ' Number One Saber Under the Heavens ' . When Yang Jian unified the world and established the Great Sui , because he was apprehensive of the Song Clan 's power , he adopted a policy to appease them by granting Song Que the title of ' Zhen Nan Gong ' [ duke who subdue / suppress the South ] . Aware that the power of the Southern Dynasties [ c . 420 - 589AD ] was gone , Song Que pretended to bow before him to protect his clan . [ Translator 's note : as I mentioned before , the ' world ' here always refers to China . I know it 's simpler just to say ' China ' , but I want the reader to know the different words to describe China . ' Tian Xia ' ( lit . under the sky ) being one of those . Interestingly , the word ' China ' itself does not exist in Chinese text . ] During the reign of Emperor Wen , i . e . Yang Jian , although Song Que 's influence was widespread , he still did not dare to act blindly without thinking . He concealed his own strength and bid his time , concentrated fully in building his power in secret to avoid inviting calamity . When Yang Guang ascended the throne , there were internal strife and external threat everywhere , imperial court was corrupt , armed rebellion rose up from all around . The Song Clan increased its level of activity once more . One of the most profitable businesses was transporting illegal salt from coastal regions inland via the Yangtze River . They obtained great profit this way . Song Shidao 's four ships were precisely smuggling sea salt from the coast . Even though there were rebel armies everywhere , as long as they see the Song family banner , nobody dared to offend them , for fear of making enemies of this powerful clan . Therefore , for the last few years , Song family 's power grew in secret . So much so that they even finance several militia groups to weaken the Sui forces . Song Que had four sons and two daughters . Song Shidao was the youngest of his sons , with specific duty to run the salt smuggling operation . His father doted on him very much . His two daughters were Yuhua and Yuzhi ; both had ' bashful flower obstructing the moon ' countenance . They were his fourth and sixth child , respectively . Three years ago Song Yuhua was given in marriage to Xie Wenlong , the son of Chengdu - based great hero Xie Hui of Sichuan . This moment , in a spacious room on the second deck of one of the huge ships , Kou Zhong , who was wearing a pair of boots presented by County Deputy Chen as a gift , was lying on the bed , holding the ' Secret to Long Life ' in his hands . He was deeply engrossed in studying one of the human diagrams in the book . Although there were chairs , Xu Ziling did not sit on one , he sat on the floor instead , hugging his knees , with his back against the cabin wall . He was in turmoil . Why was it that when he saw the woman - in - white and Song Shidao talking , he grew so jealous ? Although concerning man - woman relationship he was a bit curious , he had never had any excessive expectation or even delusion . There was an extremely big gap in all aspect between he and the woman - in - white . In term of age , she was at least seven , eight years older than he was . Could it be that Kou Zhong was right , that he really had a crush on her ? He could not bear not to ask , " Zhong Shaoye ! Do you think I really fall in love with … with that woman ? " [ Here the word is ' nu ren ' , not ' po niang ' like before . ] After half a day , Kou Zhong put down the ' Secret to Long Life ' , propped his head up , and then he got up from the bed and came over to Xu Ziling . Copying him , he sat on the floor . Holding Xu Ziling 's shoulders , he said , " I am sorry , I was in such a bad mood . I am afraid that even if Guigu Zi [ 1 ] is reborn , he wouldn 't be able to make sense of this ghost book [ play on words here : the ' gui ' of Guigu Zi literally means ' ghost ' ] . Hey ! What did you just say ? " Seeing Xu Ziling was angry and did not want to talk , he hurriedly said , " I know , I remember now . Ha , a real man won 't worry about not finding a wife . That wo … oh , that woman [ he was going to say ' po niang ' then changed it to ' nu ren ' ] does not deserve us , two brothers . That Song Pidao [ ' pi ' means fart ] can easily beat us with his hand tied and using just half of his skill . We 'd better retain our mind and strength to take a look at this secret manual , to eat , poop and sleep . Ha … " Kou Zhong racked his brain for a moment , and then calmly said , " The fact is , I was jealous as hell , same as you . But I don 't think that I fall in love with her . Hey ! My feeling toward her is a bit like my feeling toward Zhen Sao [ see Chapter 2 ] ; she really does not deserve to be that stinky Ol ' Feng 's concubine , but I can do nothing about it . Ah , right ! I understand now . Xiao Ling , I think you regarded her as your Niang [ mother , mommy ] . Who would want his own Niang to remarry ? Especially marrying that we - behind - the - ears whose talk is bigger than the sky , who only fit to be our servant , Chou Pidao [ ' chou pi ' - smelly fart / arrogant ] . Ha ! This name Chou Pidao is more apt than Yuwen Huagu [ see Chapter 5 ] . " While speaking the last sentence , a fleeting smile escaped from the corners of her mouth . How could the two boys fail to see that she was not really angry ? Xu Ziling was the first to speak up , " But we really don 't know your name ! " Kou Zhong showed an ' oh , so that 's what it is ' look on his face . He made the introduction , " Xiaodi 's [ little brother , referring to self ] name is Kou on the top and Zhong on the bottom , and he is Xu Ziling . We are the Two Dragons of Yangzhou . May I ask Dashi 's honorable surname and great given name ? And what is your nickname ? Which holy place did you come from ? Are you married ? " Just as quickly the woman - in - white 's frosty countenance returned as she frostily said , " Married or not married , it 's none of your business . If you talk about me behnd my back , I will … I will … " Showing concern , Kou Zhong asked , " What punishment this time ? It would be best if you don 't slap my mouth or scrape my eyelid ; it won 't look too good on me . Little demons should maintain their little demon 's face ! " The woman - in - white knew she could not do anything against him ; she angrily said , " I will make you regret it . During dinner , you must not babble nonsense . Understand ? "
|
We are not sure how smart it is to post this blog as our kids might have us committed before we even get home but this is too funny not to share . We have been studying a lot of hours on the language this week so our brains might be worn out . We are really digging deep for an excuse for this one ! It was transfer week so we too Elder Bullock and Elder Wright ( Elder Wright just transferred here ) to Tesco to get a few groceries . We have been to three stores already this week so we only needed two thing . Steve went to get a paper to write down what we needed . I said we can remember two things all we have to remember is that they start with M & S . We picked up the elders and got to Tesco and picked up the milk . M is for milk , right ? Then we just wandered around the store trying our hardest to remember the S word that we needed . We were quite sure that it was a non - food item because we had been to three food stores already . We finally came up with the idea that we could ask the elders to tell us all the things that start with S and if they guessed the right one we would buy them a candy bar . No , not soap , not shampoo , not steak . It was taxing our brains as you can see by the picture above . I thought it would be fun to let you see what a week is like for us in Sopron . Last Sunday we were assigned to speak in Szombathely . This is a very friendly branch that is about an hour and a half from Sopron . It would be closer if we could go through Austria but we are not suppose to leave Hungary . We are going to ask for permission to drive that way because we will be going there more often for YSA . After the meetings Sister Szvoboda invited us to their home for lunch along with the four missionaries that serve in that city . They feed the elders every Sunday night . They have nine children and three of them are on missions now . They lived in Vietnam for five years . He is Hungarian and she is Swiss . They are a great family . Monday night we went to the Filharmonia Concert with Richard and Eta . He teaches English at the university and she is now our Hungarian teacher . This is a picture of the back of her head . The performance was really good . Actually , the picture is of the performers and Eta 's head . I will get a front shot soon . On Monday , after we took the elders shopping , we stopped by a place that said Bali Beauty . Because of Steve 's ability to speak German we were able make appointments for him to get his hair cut and for me to get mine colored . This took place on Tuesday with just a little hitch , Steve 's cut took 15 minutes and mine color took an hour and a half . I know for a fact that next time I will be going by myself to Bali Beauty . The color is darker than I have ever been but it beats " mouse gray " . One strange thing is that there was a dentist office in with the beauty salon . I am thinking that next time I could get my teeth worked on while the color is doing its thing . Our good friend Eva came Tuesday afternoon and we started THE quilt . Eva has been so good to us and speaks very good English . She lived in Pennsylvania for a couple of years . Her ability to speak English and Hungarian has helped Steve out a lot in his German and English classes . We didn 't want to stop sewing but Richard and Eta and their son came to dinner that night . Eva came back over on Saturday morning and we were able to finish the quilt . Now we need to figure out how to get some seven and eight foot boards to our house for some quilting frames . I told Steve that we could just carry them home from OMI , it is only a couple of miles from where we live . He thinks that we can bring them in the car . No one that we know has a truck here . Elder and Sister Gudgill were assigned to speak in our Sopron Branch today so they came on Saturday in time to join the English Club . On our way to dinner we met Tibor who is in the English class . He is one of the nicest guys we could ever meet . He let us see is garden . Steve will blog more about him and his talents another time . This is part of the stone wall in his back yard that was build around Soporn hundreds of years ago . I forgot to say that on Monday we went to lunch to celebrate our anniversary of our engagement 42 years ago . Steve had this idea last week but we didn 't have time to go . The food was great and the ice cream menu looked really good with the fresh raspberries on it . It was still cute with canned fruit cocktail and the ice cream is very yummy here . We probably won 't blog about the day we did a taste test to see which place has the best ice cream until we are sure we have tasted them all . Two in one day was really great ! We saw this motorcycle at the Sopron Mall . Pretty cool wouldn 't you say ? We also made three pans of brownies to deliver to branch members and other friends during the week . We had paparika chicken at the branch presidents home yesterday which was delicious . Game night on Friday night at the branch house was great where my team creamed Steve 's team in pictunary . We do need to come up with some new games soon . We are loving being in Sopron with such great people . We were told there is one holiday each month where everyone is supposed to NOT have to work . That was yesterday . There was a meeting at the City Office Building , which we went to . It is the one below . It was impressive as we were walking toward this , they had started the meeting , so we were late . We could hear a choir singing a song , and people were stopped . So we stopped also . Someone told us their national anthem sounded " like a death march " . They were right . We couldn 't get too good of pictures because of the number of people . It 's interesting to note there was something in the middle of the plaza there where people could not be , so a lot of people were not very close . They had a prayer and then a man spoke about ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? . It was interesting to watch the people . After the speech they had a group dance and a couple of songs . That is when we left . This building is in the " down town " area , where there are a lot of tourist attractions , old buildings , some roman ruins , statues , etc . So we left and walked around there . Following are a few of the pictures we took . We were still there , but wanted to take this picture of a " typical Hungarian " outfit . Someone told us he was a student . A lot of people had a small ribbon on their shirts , like the one you can see on the fellow in the background . This , I believe , is part of an old Roman wall . Following is another picture of this same area . These below are not part of the ruins . We see this a lot with the double doors . The one above this is closed and this is open , just in case you didn 't notice . It is usually a driveway back into a courtyard , where other apartments are . There are a lot of these on busy streets , and it interesting to see how people negotiate their ways into the driveways . There are a lot of statues like this around . That is my handsome bride standing there detracting from the beauty of the statue . Notice the cobblestones all around . Mostly that is what we walked on back in that part of town . You can see they are renovating what they call the " Fire Watch Tower " in the background . " Apparently that was a very important item when it was built . There were setting up this outdoor restaurant . This is one of the first days it would be warm enough to eat outside . Try to read the second menu item down . They were written in Hungarian , German , and English . The second group English item was interesting . In case you can 't read it I will tell you what it says : " Cold goose liver in its own fat , with purple onions and toast . " I had to work on it , but I was able to pass it up . I accidentally took this picture of my foot , but it will show you that I am still upright , most of the time . It is also a testament of my photography skills , which I want to impress you with . Plus it IS my best side . This is an excavation of some ruins , Roman I think . I thrill when I see stuff like this . That is a cat you can see on the left side towards the bottom . Yes , they do have cats in Hungary and dogs ! These are just a few more of the ruins . You can tell how exhausting it must be . Notice which one of us is upright , and which is not . I never walk by these that I don 't think , " There was a time when people walked these very walkways , kids played here , " and it was obviously a very long time ago that they were here . These are just a few random pictures of places we went . I am always thrilled to see old stuff . There are castles , old churches , etc . in the area we are going to try to get to in the course of our mission . When we talk to the native people here about all the history there is around them , they are just so " ho - hum " about it . There is still a great deal of this area we want to explore . Again , this is in the middle of Sopron . There is a road that goes all around this area , which is approximately two blocks long and one block wide . There are stores all around the " Centrum " as they call it , and people live in apartments in the middle of it . One of our members live there . I have gained a whole new respect for the Hungarian People . A missionary lent me a book called , " The Bridge at Auchon . " It is a blow - by - blow account of the Hungarian Revolution in 1956 , and the Russians quelling it . The Hungarians have a long history of " always choosing the wrong side to be on , " as one Hungarian friend put it . Just one other quick thought : On Wednesday night I attended a " English Club " , instituted by an American who lives here . It was an interest accumulation of people , each wanting to practice their English . We all ordered drinks , and I was able to wow them all by spilling my drink down my sweater and pants . They were all impressed . It really was fun . One of the men I sat next to had been a singer on cruise lines and had been all over the world . He lost his voice , so he can 't sing any more , but he is 62 , so that isn 't so bad . There were about 20 people there , and several of them came from Austria to be there . It was just an interesting evening . Your comments are appreciated . This is the only picture that I took , this is all the missionaries trying to find a place to sit . It was all so good I forgot to take any more pictures so this will mostly be a writing blog . I may throw in some random pictures to keep you awake . We picked up Peter and Timea , the counselor in the branch presidency and also the RS president , Judit . She packed a lunch for all of us which was good as there wasn 't much time when we got to Budapest toget something . We left at 9 : 00 and got to the stake center at 12 : 30 . Budapest is a big city . The picture below is of Timea and Peter . The picture above is of the RS president Judit . Our meeting was suppose to start at 1 : 30 but Elder Christofferson had met with the counselor over religions in Hungary and thanked him for being instrumental in recognizing our church as an official church in Hungary now , so he and Elder Kopischke and President Baughman didn 't get to the stake center until 2 : 15 . They invited all the missionaries to shake their hands and tell where we are from and where we are serving . Elder Christofferson started his part with a question and answer session . He said that we could ask him anything except about the three Nephites . He said they never call , they never write . We thought that was pretty funny . The missionary meeting finished up at 4 : 00 and the Priesthood leadership meeting started at 5 : 00 and all the sisters met in the cultural hall and had a question and answer period with Sister Christofferson and Sister Kopischke . They had all the same problems with RS and Young Women as the wards back home . Here is your 1st random picture , Steve promised me he would buy me a hat like this before we go home . They are the " in " thing over here but I might need to be a little older to wear one . Back to the meeting , at 7 : 30 we met with all the church members in Hungary that could come . There were about 550 to 600 members there and there are around 5000 in the whole country . Our little branch had 15 members there . Elder Christofferson gave an amazing talk and told us that the church has not forgot Hungary and that is why he is here . He said that he was blessed to be here with a people that have been too long without the rays of the gospel . He talked a lot about Joseph Smith and all that has happened since his 1st prayer . He also gave an apostolic blessing on the members . I would have to say that is was an amazing experience to be there . We didn 't get back home until 12 : 30 but it was well worth it . PS : The church is going to invite the Hungarian Religious Counselor to speak at BYU sometime . It is a big deal to have the church recognized as an official church . They has a TV camera man at the meeting to film the first part and most people here are following the election with a Mormon candidate . They know more than we do about what is happening in America . This is our home . We live on the left side . We hired Robert Redford to stand up there . . . We believe this is also a " Bed and Breakfast " as there is an apartment up stairs with nice stuff in it like a tall frig and a real washer , but they haven 't said anything about that to us . It may have something to do with the fact we can 't speak their language , and they can 't speak ours . Shauna was standing out in the street to take this picture . The next two pictures will be as she turns right , and then around down the street . This is the street that leads into " downtown " Sopron . This is one of the bigger streets in downtown . This is the street our branch house is on . Look at how close the sidewalk is to the street . We were going down the street yesterday when a little kid on a trike was coming towards us on the sidewalk on the right . It scared the heck out of me because he was riding right next to the road . If he would have fallen off into the road . . . . . well I don 't really want to think about that . Some people drive really fast , even down narrow roads like this . We then went a couple of kilometers further and came to the Austrian border , The area is grape vineyards almost as far as the eye can see . Below will give you a little information about them in the green part and it is in English . There are these small statues all over Hungary to remind us what the dominant church is and it isn 't ours . We went into a store , one of the bigger ones in Sopron , and they had a display of wines from Sopron . Apparently it is a pretty big business . Three rows in the grocery stores . This is the Austrian side . . The town are always compact . You don 't see a lot of farm houses in the country . That is the way it is in all of Europe I have seen . But everything is well manicured . This is the border between Austria and Hungary . You can see how intimidating it must of been to cross . We are sure it looked different back then . This is a small guard house that sits right on the Austrian side of the border . This is also Shauna doing her impression of Adolph Hitler . That is one good lookin Hitler . It is such a privilege to be here . It is an experience never to be forgotten . We sure do appreciate the support of all of you . Your comments really help us . Thanks so much for being who you are . PS . Our prayers have been answered . This is the beauty salon where Shauna got her hair cut . It is just a couple of blocks from our home on a street where there are just houses and then a little shop . Shauna was happy to have it done , and with the hair cut . It is amazing how one can communicate without words . We think they call it charades in America , here we call it survival !
|
When you were at school , were people mean to you because you liked reading ? How did you know you wanted to be a writer ? I am always coming up with ideas , in fact I 'm writing a little myself , but I am wondering how you knew you 'd be any good at it ? Hi you came to my school today and you were talking to us in the library . I was really inspired and bought Tim , Defender of the Earth . You also then told us it might be turned into a FILM . If it is this might be a strange question but could i be in it cause i love acting and its my dream and you said to us follow our dreams so that 's what i 'm doing . I 'd love to hear more . Computer - definitely . Appalled by my handwriting , my teachers begged me to learn to type at an early age . Having to see it myself on a daily basis , I 'm inclined to agree with them . No ! Plan A was to be an internationally famous rock guitarist . My original intention was to be like Jimi Hendrix , and die young and pretty having made a smoking indelible mark on musical history . There was , I realized , just one problem : I didn 't have the talent for it ! [ Update , Nov ' 07 : Nowadays , you 'll notice , I don 't even have the hair for it . ( ; p ] I 've had to slug away at this writing caper ever since . If I can do it , then that proves it can be done . It has taken me more than ten years � and one hundred and thirty - four rejection letters from publishers and agents ! � to get this far , but I got here in the end ( wherever here turns out to be ) and that surely shows you can , too . A word about rejection letters while we 're on the subject : I read in an interview once with Iain Banks ( one of my favourite authors ) that you 're not , apparently , a serious writer until you 've had at least a hundred of them . Whether that 's actually correct or not I have no idea . But six or seven years ago when I got to my 100th rejection , I had a big " TRIPLE FIGURES YAY ! " dinner party to celebrate . Hee hee hee ! If you love what you 're doing , if you 're disciplined and regular about your writing and you can handle the knockbacks , sacrifices - and instant noodles - along the way , then who knows ? Anything could happen . The only certainty I can offer you is that it won 't if you give up . It 's up to you . Hmmm : depends what you mean by ' inspiration ' . If you 're talking about ideas for stories , then I have to say , I 'm not really the kind of writer who sits around waiting for those to come by themselves . It 'd be great if a story suddenly arrived in my brain like a blinding flash , with everything worked out for me : seriously , that 'd be terrific ! Unfortunately , however , that just doesn 't seem to happen to me ( or , I reckon , to most writers ) . From there , I started putting these elements together , extending things , combining things , building it all up until , eventually , I had the bones of the story . In his wonderful book On Writing , Stephen King calls this the ' What if � ? ' stage . You 've had some ideas ? Great ! Now it 's time to try out some experiments on them . In Black Tat 's case , one of the ' What if � ? 's was , ' What if being possessed by a demon gave you powers ? ' From there it 's a short hop to : ' What if you knew you were being possessed , but those powers were so good you didn 't want to give them up ? ' How could that situation come about ? What sort of person would get into the worst kind of trouble if that happened ? What sort of trouble ? - And off I went . Ideas , inspiration � they 're great , of course . But to muster enough ideas to make a book � especially a fast , thrilling book like the ones I want to write � you have to set your initial ideas to work , put them together , to make more ideas . Some of these ideas will be dreadful : no big deal , try not to beat yourself up , they might lead on to better ones . Some of these ideas will be all right , but need more thought , more work . And so on . The key part , for me , is sticking to the central idea of , basically , what would be fun ? Like the masterful thriller author Lee Child says , ' Write the exact book that you yourself would be thrilled to read . ' If you love your original elements , love your story , then that 'll help get you through the tough bits . But the sad fact is , to make something you can be proud of , you 're going to have to work for it . ( Sorry ! ) HOWEVER : if you 're talking about ' inspiration ' in the sense of what makes me want to write books ( plural ) in the first place , then that 's a different thing . For me right now the answer ( mostly ! ) is � OTHER COOL STORIES ! I love stories . I 'll do pretty much anything to find stories that touch me , that obsess me , that give me a thrill . I 'll read or watch or see or play things , and they 'll make me go ' Wow ! I 'd love to have written something like that ! ' or ' That was okay , but how much better would it have been if � ? ' The world is full of inspiration . Bookwise , you 'll find a bunch of what 's inspired me on my LibraryThing page - Help yourself ! ; ) But keep your own eyes and ears open wide as you can . Because the short answer is , it 's all around us . Wow , this is actually quite a tough one to answer . I 'm currently thirty - two years old : it 's hard not to be worried about looking like an old geezer in front of anyone younger who 's reading this ! Still , it 's a fair question so I 'll do my best . The obvious one first . My father read me The Lord of the Rings as a bed - time story . It took him three years , from when I was 9 to when I was 12 , and that had a huge effect on me � not just because of the book , but because of the time and because of who was reading it . As you 'd only expect with our family name , Dad 's ENT voice was particularly good . ; ) As far as stuff I read for myself is concerned , though � Actually , one of the main reasons I write the kind of stories I do is that I remember being tremendously frustrated a lot of the time , trying to find things I liked . Like someone with a craving for something , or an itch he can 't scratch , I searched libraries and bookshops looking for the kind of fantastical action ' hit ' I wanted , and often I just wasn 't quite able to get it . Of course , that wasn 't necessarily a bad thing , because it got me into reading a lot of other stuff on the way . I spent a lot of happy time reading old school classic crime and thrillers , by authors like H Rider Haggard , Arthur Conan Doyle , John Buchan , Sapper , Agatha Christie and the awesome M R James . Some of these were a little tough to get into to begin with , but that was what I could find in the library , and those authors all taught me good things . On a science fiction or fantasy tip it was even harder to find the flavour I wanted though , especially in what was being published for young people back then . But two names still stand out . Douglas Hill . He was writing some WONDERFUL stuff � fast , thrilling , full of fights and SF action . I used to buy his new books on sight and just eat them up with a spoon . Unfortunately a lot of his work seems to be out of print now , but if you manage to lay your hands on the Galactic Warlord series then I 'd still heartily recommend them . Mr Hill is an enormous influence on me : f ' rinstance , the Akachash in Black Tat is directly inspired by the opening battle scene of Planet of the Warlord , which just about tore my head off I was so excited when I read it when I was eleven . That 's one reason why I gave him a big name - check in Black Tat 's acknowledgments section . If by any chance you happen to see this , Mr Hill , here 's to you ! ; ) I want to emphasise , just because I had trouble finding what I wanted , that doesn 't mean it wasn 't out there � it just took me a few years longer to get to it ! Better yet , I 'm delighted to say that the situation about thrilling stories being published NOW has come on just enormously . Either way , there 's a wealth of wonderful books around : check out my LibraryThing page for recommendations . But those above are some of the books I remember most fondly from my past . When you were at school , were people mean to you because you liked reading ? Yes . Yes , they were . Not the teachers , of course : they , unsurprisingly , were extremely keen to get people to read ( if occasionally irksomely fussy or disapproving about what I actually chose � ADULTS TAKE NOTE ) . No : as the person who asked me this knows � and I 'm sure anyone reading this answer does , too � I 'm talking about other students . What I want to tell you is , you 'll get through it . Those people you 're stuck with now at school won 't be with you forever : one day soon you 'll move on , and leave them behind in your past . But a love of reading . . . that 's something that can give you immense pleasure and enjoyment for the whole of your life . And if other people can 't understand that , or have some kind of attitude about it , well : they 're missing out , and you know something they don 't . How did you know you wanted to be a writer ? I am always coming up with ideas , in fact I 'm writing a little myself , but I am wondering how you knew you 'd be any good at it ? You NEVER know if you 're going to be any good at it ! And yes , if you 're thinking about pursuing writing seriously , then I 'm sure you know what that implies . Nearly ten years back I got the chance to ask one of my favourite writers , Alan Moore , a similar sort of question : how did he feel , when he was starting out , before he 'd written anything he was pleased with ? Mr Moore gave me a huge grin and said , ' Bloody terrified ! ' There are no guarantees . All you can have , going into something like this , is a determination to give it your best wallop . My relatives all thought I was mental ( Hah ! They were right ! ; p ) I 've eaten a lot of noodles over the last ten years , and collected a lot of rejection letters too ( I had a party when I got to 100 : the final total [ including a bunch for Black Tat ] was 134 ! ) But now I 'm published . And if I can do it , then that proves it : if you want to do it , IT CAN BE DONE . One thing that can get you through the tough bits � finding the energy to write after a day job , for instance � is if you love and believe in what you 're writing . In fact I 'd say that 's essential . The point where things started happening for me ( after three or four failed novels , so check this out and save yourself some time - ! ) was when I stopped thinking about what ought to go in a book , and started to think about what I would love to find in a book . What would make your ultimate book ? What sort of story would it be ? What are the elements ? How would they go together ? Once I started thinking like that , things got a lot easier . There was this one evening . I had a hole in my roof : there was a dripping leak in the ceiling of my bedroom , and I didn 't have the money to fix it . I was tired from work , hungry too , and I opened the door to my fridge and there was nothing inside it but parsnips ! ( They 'd been selling them off cheap down the supermarket ) . I found myself smiling . Then I started laughing . And then I knew I was the happiest I 'd ever been in my life up until that point , because you see , lousy as things were , I had a secret . I was working on the ' Akachash ' chapters of Black Tat . And I tell you , as far as I 'm concerned , writing a seven - way gladiatorial monster fight to the death is some of the most fun you can possibly have at a desk . HEE HEE HEE HEE ! There 's always something to worry about . In fact , I 'd say that a big part of what this whole writing caper is about is the constant battle to stop the worrying from getting in the way of actually doing any writing ! Sure , I worry . Like everyone , I worry about all sorts of things . But letting the worry stack up , indulging in it when you 're supposed to be getting on with the job , can paralyse you . Nowadays , when I 'm sat at the desk , I tend to look at worrying as simply my brain 's attempts to generate excuses for not doing any work ( hee hee hee ! ) After all , writing is not easy . It 's much simpler to sit there worrying , or talking about writing , than it is to get on with it � or it can feel that way . Sometimes ( here 's a tip ! ) I throw the worrying part of my brain a bone to distract it . When I 'm writing I always keep a document open under whatever I 'm working on : that 's where I put things that are clamouring and rattling around my head ( shopping lists , bills to pay , letters to answer , how - the - Hell - am - I - going - to - do - that - bit - in - chapter - six ? Etc ! ) I find that sometimes if you acknowledge to yourself that you 'll consider those things in due course and you haven 't forgotten them � as if nodding to yourself to say ' thank you , that 's duly noted ' � then ( a bit like a fretful baby ! ) the back - brain quietens down , allowing you to get on with the job . The best part is , once you 're into it , once you 're engaged in what you 're doing , then the worries melt away , the work progresses � and maybe the next time you look at your clock you 'll be surprised to find that four hours have gone past ! The only way to find out for sure if you 're able to bring all your ideas together is ( you guessed it ) to try to bring all your ideas together . Worrying in advance is completely understandable ( Hell , yes ! ) but it won 't help . In fact , all it does is get in the way . I 'm not going to come on like Morpheus in The Matrix � ' free your mind ' , or whatever . Personally I 'm not sure that 's even possible : there 's always something else to think about , somewhere your brain can wander away to . But writing takes concentration , and to proceed you have to get to that concentration by any means necessary . That can include trickery ( ' Brain , I 'm listening to everything you 're worrying about . Now shut up and let me finish this bit ' ) ; bribery ( ' shut up and let me finish this bit and I 'll make you a cup of coffee ' ) , even threats ( ' shut up and let me finish this bit or I 'm going to smack our forehead into the table ' ) Whatever it takes ! Gills ? Fair question , but I 'm thinking no � or at least , if Tim does , he 's got a choice of whether or not he wants to use them , which would be sort of unusual ! Biologically , I suppose ( and the line ' he found he didn 't even need to breathe ' supports this ) I was thinking that his breathing might work a little like a whale 's . They take breaths on the surface , then hold them . When I was in Australia once I saw a young whale being given diving training by its mother : what I didn 't know was that whales have to learn � like writers , they have to practice ! The young whale was obviously really happy the first time it stayed down for more than twelve minutes . When it surfaced it spontaneously rolled on its back and waggled its flukes in the air , as if to say ' YES ! I ROCK ! ' � it was great ! Ahem : I digress ! ; ) The sense I wanted to get with Tim is that he doesn 't really know how his body works or what he 's really capable of . Neither does anyone else � possibly including his author ! Tim is a magical creature � but before you call ' shenanigans ' on me for that , don 't forget he 's also an expression , an extension of the planet Earth . Since the Earth is two - thirds water I figure its Defender would be comfortable pretty much anywhere . But yeah : he can still get the wind knocked out of him . You could probably knock the air out of a whale if you hit them hard enough . Not that I 've tried , I hasten to add ! Was it your intention with Tim to create a " loveable " Godzilla character ? Godzilla was certainly an inspiration [ and he seems to be very comfortable underwater , btw , though nobody ever seems to ask why ! ] I didn 't necessarily want Tim to be " lovable " � though if that 's your reaction to him , you 're more than welcome , of course ! The central idea of this book was simply to take some of the wonderful aspects of classic giant monster stories � not just ' the big G ' , but Gamera , the original Kong , the Harryhausen creatures , etc � and narrate them from the monster 's point of view . What would it be like to be that size ? Why do they scream and roar like that ? How satisfying would it be to snap Big Ben off at the roots and toss it like a caber ? And so on ! Naturally ! The idea that governments often make short - term decisions with dangerous long - term consequences � and that one department often has no clue what the others are doing ! � are important and obvious truths . People in governments aren 't somehow better than the rest of us , they 're just muddling through as best they can like everyone else . And they deserve no more respect . Less , usually . Sure ! In story terms , if it 's obvious who 's going to win , then there 's no suspense - right ? Besides , I like reluctance in a hero . I think that 's truthful . I think people have to choose to do the right thing , when the circumstances push them . Naivety in a hero works well in stories , too : if a hero has to learn how to do things , if they fail initially because they 're overconfident ( like Tim ) � those sorts of details make him or her believable and understandable . But . . . as my girlfriend Laura rather smartly pointed out to me recently , I think in my stories I 've currently developed a tendency maybe to go too far the other way . Chris from Tim and Jack from Black Tat are different people , but they both could be seen as being a bit unappealing when you first meet them ! It 's almost like I 'm overcompensating . That 's something I 've been thinking about as I 'm working on my next project : perhaps in that there 'll be someone who 's obviously got a bit more going for them from the outset . We 'll see ! To be completely honest with you , procrastination is a huge problem for writers . It certainly is for me ! Writing can be fun and satisfying , sure , but ultimately it 's a job , it 's work , you 've got to put in the hours : that 's not easy , particularly if you 're not yet even getting paid for your time . The bottom line is , I 'm sorry to say , that you 've got to be disciplined about it . When it gets hard , you have to suck up the pain and keep going . Neil Gaiman , a writer I admire a lot , once put it like this : " How do you finish stories ? You finish them . There 's no magic answer , I 'm afraid . This is how you do it : you sit down at the keyboard and put one word in front of the other until it 's done . It 's that easy , and that hard [ . . . ] Most people can start a short story or novel . If you 're a writer , you can finish them . Finish enough of them , and you may be good enough to be publishable . Good luck . " However , I appreciate that 's not too comforting on its own , so yes , I do have a couple of tips for you ! ; ) The first is , be REGULAR about your writing . If you 're at school , or you 've got a day job , or you 've got people you have to look after , then finding the time and the energy to write can be very tough � no question about it . What can help , I 've found , is if you set aside a regular part of your life , and dedicate that exclusively and infallibly to your writing . For me , when I 'm doing the first draft of a book , I have a quota � a set amount I have to produce . It 's a thousand words a day . For me that 's a feasible , manageable amount � something I can produce reasonably reliably . Sometimes that thousand takes me all day , and my forehead becomes pitted with little marks from smacking it against the desk . Sometimes ( all too rarely lately ! ) I finish it quickly and knock off early . But it 's a good amount . Writing novels is a long game : this way I can make progress without exhausting myself , and still have a place to start the story from the next day when I come back to it . A thousand words a day works for me . For you , particularly if your time and energy are short , it could perfectly respectably be much less . A couple of hundred , one hundred , even fifty words is a fine quota if you 're making it every day . The quota doesn 't even have to be measured in words : it can be time - an hour a day , one night a week ( that worked for Raymond Carver ! ) It doesn 't matter . The important thing is that whatever your framework is , you stick to it , and don 't allow yourself any excuses . For that regular amount of time or that quota you are on the case , and nothing can be allowed to stand in your way . If you 've chosen a realistic and achievable target , and you stick to it , you will make progress . Second tip , LOVE YOUR STORY . I 've written about that before on this page , but really , it 's crucial . Finishing things is hard . There will be times when you want to give up . But if you love your story , if the idea of it is something you believe will be brilliant if you can only carry it off , then that by itself can keep you going to the finish line . Third tip , INCENTIVES ! If you set your writing targets and stick to them , reward yourself : you did the work , you earned it . Power to your writing elbow ! ; ) Another is Hans Moravec . Mallahide 's ideas about the essential crumminess of the human body as a means of carrying us around in the world ( ideas I happen to agree with ) were definitely inspired by Moravec . Here 's a link to his page on Wikipedia . His interviews are always good fun , too , full of all sorts of mind - bending notions : here 's one that I dug up from Google just now . I 'm not a scientist . Far from it . I just want to write fun stories , so the big impetus with me is less to do with what human technology is currently or actually capable of , and more to do with the magical and inspiring question of ' What if � ? ' And of course , I 'm not the only one . There 's already quite a solid tradition of nanobots in fiction : Prey by Michael Crichton is tremendous fun , and Blood Music by Greg Bear is absolutely amazing . Hi you came to my school today and you were talking to us in the library . I was really inspired and bought Tim , Defender of the Earth . You also then told us it might be turned into a FILM . If it is this might be a strange question but could i be in it cause i love acting and its my dream and you said to us follow our dreams so that 's what i 'm doing . I 'd love to hear more . If a film is ever made of one of my books [ which , incidentally , is a big ' if ' : Neil Gaiman , who 's had quite a few film deals now , says " I 've learned never quite to believe that one of my stories is going to be turned into a film until I 'm actually buying the popcorn " ] � then even though I 'm the author of the book I will have no control over who is in the movie . I 'm actually fine with that , by the way . Those kinds of decisions , I think , are generally much better left up to the people who are making the film . But to be blunt , I 'm the wrong person to ask this question . Sorry ! If ( if , if ) a film of one of my books does get to the casting stage , and if ( if , if ) the producers decide to give a general casting call for auditions , I will of course do my best to announce it on my websites . That , however , is all I can tell you for now . But I wish you the very best of luck . The single best piece of writing advice I 've ever heard came from an interview I read once with the awesome thriller writer Lee Child : " Write the exact book that you yourself would be thrilled to read , " he said � and as soon as I saw those words it was like a door opening in my head . The only way as a writer that you can hope to get readers excited by your stories , is if you 're excited by them yourself . Giant monsters thrill me half to death , and have done for most of my life now . My first giant monster encounter was when I was six , reading Ted Hughes ' The Iron Man � I think it 's called The Iron Giant in the US ( and I 'm talking about the book , not the movie , which is quite different ) . For those who don 't know , in the book the Iron Man is something of an enigma : ' Where did he come from ? Nobody knows ' . But as soon as he stepped off that cliff on page one I was hooked � and by the time he squared off to defend the human race against the annihilating space - angel - bat - dragon ( a creature so colossal that it sat on the whole of Australia ! ) Mr Hughes ' book had started an obsession that would last the rest of my life . I love monsters � all kinds . But from that book I can trace a love of / giant / ones , specifically , that has sustained and fed me through ( to name a few ) all three versions of King Kong , the wonderful work of Ray Harryhausen , innumerable Japanese daikaiju such as Gamera and ( naturally ! ) Godzilla � right up to more recent stuff like The Host and Cloverfield . Sometimes , I 'll admit , I 've felt a bit silly about it . Sometimes � especially when I was trying to convey my excitement to other people ! � I would wonder what it was I loved about giant monsters so much . ' But it 's blatantly just a guy in a suit , ' they would say . ' I know , ' I would answer , ' but �' ' That building he 's just stepped on is about six inches tall . It 's totally unrealistic ! ' ' I know , ' I would flail , ' but - ! ' But the thing was , I didn 't know where that ' but ' came from � why I loved these stories so much . Not until just a few years ago , when I was asking myself that question again . Then , at last , it hit me : a lot of the satisfaction to be had from these stories � comes from imagining you 're the monster . Take me , for instance . I 'm six foot two , I 'm a little clumsy , and when I get excited I tend to wave my arms around like a big blond baboon . I had to give up learning Wing Chun Kung Fu recently when I realised that all it was doing for me at this stage ( even Wing Chun , one of the tidiest and most short - range of all martial arts ) was to make me knock things over , even more than I did already . Well : imagine the destruction if , like Tim , I was a HUNDRED METRES TALL ! What would it be like to be stuck trying to walk around in a city that 's built on a vastly smaller scale to you � even if you didn 't want to destroy it ? What if every time you opened your mouth , people ran screaming in terror ? And what if , like the Iron Man , you found you then had to face a threat that was even more powerful , and frightening , and seemingly indomitable , than you ? In his brilliant book of the craft On Writing , Stephen King describes the germination of the seed of a book as the ' What if ? ' stage . That 's where writers get their ideas from : by asking themselves ' What if ? ' The combination of that , giant monsters , and Lee Child 's advice , and there you have it : Tim . This is an excellent question , and the subject of baddies is one I find especially fascinating [ HUR HUR HUR ' scuse me ] . When planning a story with a baddie in it , it 's certainly tempting to make the baddie as unsympathetic as possible , as this ( of course ) will supposedly make your ' good ' characters seem all the more good . But in fact I reckon this is a mistake . The problem is , it tends to lead to very simplistic storytelling , with a very skewed ' black and white ' sort of view of the world . OK : I write fantasy stories � they 're escapism , they 're fun . But I try to keep at the heart of my stories a truthful reflection of some kind of daily reality , as I think that makes them more believable , and therefore more enjoyable . This business of baddies is a prime example . In real life , acts of cruelty , horror , callousness , brutality , greed , sadism and so forth are not generally carried out by your classic moustache - twirling ' Bwahaha ! I will take over the world ! ' type of baddie . In real life , acts of unspeakable evil are actually carried out by � us . We all of us , every one of us , have the potential inside us to do terrible things . We all get tempted . We 've all experienced the moment of madness , the beckoning abyss , the curiosity . And I 'm not putting across a pessimistic view of the world by saying this : on the contrary , considering the potential for darkness and insanity inside every single human being , it 's amazing and incredible and brilliant that the majority of us are as positive as we are . But people do bad things . And as humans � let alone writers � we have to try to understand why . My favourite baddies , therefore , tend to be ones who have a bit of depth to them . I don 't believe that people can be classified forever as ' evil ' , so I don 't think characters in stories � even fantasy stories � should be , either . So , when I 'm thinking about a baddie for a story � someone who is going to get a story started and bring it to its climax ; somebody who has to be fought or stopped � the big question I ask myself is , Why ? If they 're obsessed with power , why are they obsessed with power ? [ Perhaps it 's a sign of weakness and powerlessness in some important other part of their life ? ] If , as in the Scourge 's case in Black Tat , they want to destroy the universe , why do they want to destroy the universe ? [ The Scourge makes a lot of noise about ' the purity of the Void ' , but in fact it behaves as it does because it was created that way : it 's like a machine , a self - destruct button for the universe , set up that way for experimental purposes by a higher power . But over the course of the story , it discovers that it has other feelings . . . ] In Tim , the ' baddie ' is Professor Mallahide . He 's discovered something , something tremendous and incredible , with enormous potential for good . But where he crosses the line into being a threat to the world , is the fact that he can 't understand why everyone else can 't see his invention the same way he does . He inflicts his will on other people , thinking he knows best . That 's a mistake that any one of us can make . The best and most exciting baddies in stories , it seems to me , are the ones who are closest to ourselves . Rather than starting out trying to make a baddie as unsympathetic as possible , therefore , the best way to get thinking about them ( I reckon ) is to take something from ourselves � something we 've seen ourselves do , something we 're not proud of � and just � push it a little . And you know what ? It doesn 't have to take much of a push . After all , as the Joker tells Batman in Alan Moore 's / awesome / The Killing Joke : " There 's no difference between me and everyone else . All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy . That 's how far the world is from where I am . Just one bad day . " I hope this doesn 't come as too much of a disappointment , but my plan right now is never to write a sequel to any of my books . I think there are already too many sequels in the world , and too many of them are disappointing . Instead , I would like all my stories to stand alone .
|
When you were at school , were people mean to you because you liked reading ? How did you know you wanted to be a writer ? I am always coming up with ideas , in fact I 'm writing a little myself , but I am wondering how you knew you 'd be any good at it ? Hi you came to my school today and you were talking to us in the library . I was really inspired and bought Tim , Defender of the Earth . You also then told us it might be turned into a FILM . If it is this might be a strange question but could i be in it cause i love acting and its my dream and you said to us follow our dreams so that 's what i 'm doing . I 'd love to hear more . Computer - definitely . Appalled by my handwriting , my teachers begged me to learn to type at an early age . Having to see it myself on a daily basis , I 'm inclined to agree with them . No ! Plan A was to be an internationally famous rock guitarist . My original intention was to be like Jimi Hendrix , and die young and pretty having made a smoking indelible mark on musical history . There was , I realized , just one problem : I didn 't have the talent for it ! [ Update , Nov ' 07 : Nowadays , you 'll notice , I don 't even have the hair for it . ( ; p ] I 've had to slug away at this writing caper ever since . If I can do it , then that proves it can be done . It has taken me more than ten years � and one hundred and thirty - four rejection letters from publishers and agents ! � to get this far , but I got here in the end ( wherever here turns out to be ) and that surely shows you can , too . A word about rejection letters while we 're on the subject : I read in an interview once with Iain Banks ( one of my favourite authors ) that you 're not , apparently , a serious writer until you 've had at least a hundred of them . Whether that 's actually correct or not I have no idea . But six or seven years ago when I got to my 100th rejection , I had a big " TRIPLE FIGURES YAY ! " dinner party to celebrate . Hee hee hee ! If you love what you 're doing , if you 're disciplined and regular about your writing and you can handle the knockbacks , sacrifices - and instant noodles - along the way , then who knows ? Anything could happen . The only certainty I can offer you is that it won 't if you give up . It 's up to you . Hmmm : depends what you mean by ' inspiration ' . If you 're talking about ideas for stories , then I have to say , I 'm not really the kind of writer who sits around waiting for those to come by themselves . It 'd be great if a story suddenly arrived in my brain like a blinding flash , with everything worked out for me : seriously , that 'd be terrific ! Unfortunately , however , that just doesn 't seem to happen to me ( or , I reckon , to most writers ) . From there , I started putting these elements together , extending things , combining things , building it all up until , eventually , I had the bones of the story . In his wonderful book On Writing , Stephen King calls this the ' What if � ? ' stage . You 've had some ideas ? Great ! Now it 's time to try out some experiments on them . In Black Tat 's case , one of the ' What if � ? 's was , ' What if being possessed by a demon gave you powers ? ' From there it 's a short hop to : ' What if you knew you were being possessed , but those powers were so good you didn 't want to give them up ? ' How could that situation come about ? What sort of person would get into the worst kind of trouble if that happened ? What sort of trouble ? - And off I went . Ideas , inspiration � they 're great , of course . But to muster enough ideas to make a book � especially a fast , thrilling book like the ones I want to write � you have to set your initial ideas to work , put them together , to make more ideas . Some of these ideas will be dreadful : no big deal , try not to beat yourself up , they might lead on to better ones . Some of these ideas will be all right , but need more thought , more work . And so on . The key part , for me , is sticking to the central idea of , basically , what would be fun ? Like the masterful thriller author Lee Child says , ' Write the exact book that you yourself would be thrilled to read . ' If you love your original elements , love your story , then that 'll help get you through the tough bits . But the sad fact is , to make something you can be proud of , you 're going to have to work for it . ( Sorry ! ) HOWEVER : if you 're talking about ' inspiration ' in the sense of what makes me want to write books ( plural ) in the first place , then that 's a different thing . For me right now the answer ( mostly ! ) is � OTHER COOL STORIES ! I love stories . I 'll do pretty much anything to find stories that touch me , that obsess me , that give me a thrill . I 'll read or watch or see or play things , and they 'll make me go ' Wow ! I 'd love to have written something like that ! ' or ' That was okay , but how much better would it have been if � ? ' The world is full of inspiration . Bookwise , you 'll find a bunch of what 's inspired me on my LibraryThing page - Help yourself ! ; ) But keep your own eyes and ears open wide as you can . Because the short answer is , it 's all around us . Wow , this is actually quite a tough one to answer . I 'm currently thirty - two years old : it 's hard not to be worried about looking like an old geezer in front of anyone younger who 's reading this ! Still , it 's a fair question so I 'll do my best . The obvious one first . My father read me The Lord of the Rings as a bed - time story . It took him three years , from when I was 9 to when I was 12 , and that had a huge effect on me � not just because of the book , but because of the time and because of who was reading it . As you 'd only expect with our family name , Dad 's ENT voice was particularly good . ; ) As far as stuff I read for myself is concerned , though � Actually , one of the main reasons I write the kind of stories I do is that I remember being tremendously frustrated a lot of the time , trying to find things I liked . Like someone with a craving for something , or an itch he can 't scratch , I searched libraries and bookshops looking for the kind of fantastical action ' hit ' I wanted , and often I just wasn 't quite able to get it . Of course , that wasn 't necessarily a bad thing , because it got me into reading a lot of other stuff on the way . I spent a lot of happy time reading old school classic crime and thrillers , by authors like H Rider Haggard , Arthur Conan Doyle , John Buchan , Sapper , Agatha Christie and the awesome M R James . Some of these were a little tough to get into to begin with , but that was what I could find in the library , and those authors all taught me good things . On a science fiction or fantasy tip it was even harder to find the flavour I wanted though , especially in what was being published for young people back then . But two names still stand out . Douglas Hill . He was writing some WONDERFUL stuff � fast , thrilling , full of fights and SF action . I used to buy his new books on sight and just eat them up with a spoon . Unfortunately a lot of his work seems to be out of print now , but if you manage to lay your hands on the Galactic Warlord series then I 'd still heartily recommend them . Mr Hill is an enormous influence on me : f ' rinstance , the Akachash in Black Tat is directly inspired by the opening battle scene of Planet of the Warlord , which just about tore my head off I was so excited when I read it when I was eleven . That 's one reason why I gave him a big name - check in Black Tat 's acknowledgments section . If by any chance you happen to see this , Mr Hill , here 's to you ! ; ) I want to emphasise , just because I had trouble finding what I wanted , that doesn 't mean it wasn 't out there � it just took me a few years longer to get to it ! Better yet , I 'm delighted to say that the situation about thrilling stories being published NOW has come on just enormously . Either way , there 's a wealth of wonderful books around : check out my LibraryThing page for recommendations . But those above are some of the books I remember most fondly from my past . When you were at school , were people mean to you because you liked reading ? Yes . Yes , they were . Not the teachers , of course : they , unsurprisingly , were extremely keen to get people to read ( if occasionally irksomely fussy or disapproving about what I actually chose � ADULTS TAKE NOTE ) . No : as the person who asked me this knows � and I 'm sure anyone reading this answer does , too � I 'm talking about other students . What I want to tell you is , you 'll get through it . Those people you 're stuck with now at school won 't be with you forever : one day soon you 'll move on , and leave them behind in your past . But a love of reading . . . that 's something that can give you immense pleasure and enjoyment for the whole of your life . And if other people can 't understand that , or have some kind of attitude about it , well : they 're missing out , and you know something they don 't . How did you know you wanted to be a writer ? I am always coming up with ideas , in fact I 'm writing a little myself , but I am wondering how you knew you 'd be any good at it ? You NEVER know if you 're going to be any good at it ! And yes , if you 're thinking about pursuing writing seriously , then I 'm sure you know what that implies . Nearly ten years back I got the chance to ask one of my favourite writers , Alan Moore , a similar sort of question : how did he feel , when he was starting out , before he 'd written anything he was pleased with ? Mr Moore gave me a huge grin and said , ' Bloody terrified ! ' There are no guarantees . All you can have , going into something like this , is a determination to give it your best wallop . My relatives all thought I was mental ( Hah ! They were right ! ; p ) I 've eaten a lot of noodles over the last ten years , and collected a lot of rejection letters too ( I had a party when I got to 100 : the final total [ including a bunch for Black Tat ] was 134 ! ) But now I 'm published . And if I can do it , then that proves it : if you want to do it , IT CAN BE DONE . One thing that can get you through the tough bits � finding the energy to write after a day job , for instance � is if you love and believe in what you 're writing . In fact I 'd say that 's essential . The point where things started happening for me ( after three or four failed novels , so check this out and save yourself some time - ! ) was when I stopped thinking about what ought to go in a book , and started to think about what I would love to find in a book . What would make your ultimate book ? What sort of story would it be ? What are the elements ? How would they go together ? Once I started thinking like that , things got a lot easier . There was this one evening . I had a hole in my roof : there was a dripping leak in the ceiling of my bedroom , and I didn 't have the money to fix it . I was tired from work , hungry too , and I opened the door to my fridge and there was nothing inside it but parsnips ! ( They 'd been selling them off cheap down the supermarket ) . I found myself smiling . Then I started laughing . And then I knew I was the happiest I 'd ever been in my life up until that point , because you see , lousy as things were , I had a secret . I was working on the ' Akachash ' chapters of Black Tat . And I tell you , as far as I 'm concerned , writing a seven - way gladiatorial monster fight to the death is some of the most fun you can possibly have at a desk . HEE HEE HEE HEE ! There 's always something to worry about . In fact , I 'd say that a big part of what this whole writing caper is about is the constant battle to stop the worrying from getting in the way of actually doing any writing ! Sure , I worry . Like everyone , I worry about all sorts of things . But letting the worry stack up , indulging in it when you 're supposed to be getting on with the job , can paralyse you . Nowadays , when I 'm sat at the desk , I tend to look at worrying as simply my brain 's attempts to generate excuses for not doing any work ( hee hee hee ! ) After all , writing is not easy . It 's much simpler to sit there worrying , or talking about writing , than it is to get on with it � or it can feel that way . Sometimes ( here 's a tip ! ) I throw the worrying part of my brain a bone to distract it . When I 'm writing I always keep a document open under whatever I 'm working on : that 's where I put things that are clamouring and rattling around my head ( shopping lists , bills to pay , letters to answer , how - the - Hell - am - I - going - to - do - that - bit - in - chapter - six ? Etc ! ) I find that sometimes if you acknowledge to yourself that you 'll consider those things in due course and you haven 't forgotten them � as if nodding to yourself to say ' thank you , that 's duly noted ' � then ( a bit like a fretful baby ! ) the back - brain quietens down , allowing you to get on with the job . The best part is , once you 're into it , once you 're engaged in what you 're doing , then the worries melt away , the work progresses � and maybe the next time you look at your clock you 'll be surprised to find that four hours have gone past ! The only way to find out for sure if you 're able to bring all your ideas together is ( you guessed it ) to try to bring all your ideas together . Worrying in advance is completely understandable ( Hell , yes ! ) but it won 't help . In fact , all it does is get in the way . I 'm not going to come on like Morpheus in The Matrix � ' free your mind ' , or whatever . Personally I 'm not sure that 's even possible : there 's always something else to think about , somewhere your brain can wander away to . But writing takes concentration , and to proceed you have to get to that concentration by any means necessary . That can include trickery ( ' Brain , I 'm listening to everything you 're worrying about . Now shut up and let me finish this bit ' ) ; bribery ( ' shut up and let me finish this bit and I 'll make you a cup of coffee ' ) , even threats ( ' shut up and let me finish this bit or I 'm going to smack our forehead into the table ' ) Whatever it takes ! Gills ? Fair question , but I 'm thinking no � or at least , if Tim does , he 's got a choice of whether or not he wants to use them , which would be sort of unusual ! Biologically , I suppose ( and the line ' he found he didn 't even need to breathe ' supports this ) I was thinking that his breathing might work a little like a whale 's . They take breaths on the surface , then hold them . When I was in Australia once I saw a young whale being given diving training by its mother : what I didn 't know was that whales have to learn � like writers , they have to practice ! The young whale was obviously really happy the first time it stayed down for more than twelve minutes . When it surfaced it spontaneously rolled on its back and waggled its flukes in the air , as if to say ' YES ! I ROCK ! ' � it was great ! Ahem : I digress ! ; ) The sense I wanted to get with Tim is that he doesn 't really know how his body works or what he 's really capable of . Neither does anyone else � possibly including his author ! Tim is a magical creature � but before you call ' shenanigans ' on me for that , don 't forget he 's also an expression , an extension of the planet Earth . Since the Earth is two - thirds water I figure its Defender would be comfortable pretty much anywhere . But yeah : he can still get the wind knocked out of him . You could probably knock the air out of a whale if you hit them hard enough . Not that I 've tried , I hasten to add ! Was it your intention with Tim to create a " loveable " Godzilla character ? Godzilla was certainly an inspiration [ and he seems to be very comfortable underwater , btw , though nobody ever seems to ask why ! ] I didn 't necessarily want Tim to be " lovable " � though if that 's your reaction to him , you 're more than welcome , of course ! The central idea of this book was simply to take some of the wonderful aspects of classic giant monster stories � not just ' the big G ' , but Gamera , the original Kong , the Harryhausen creatures , etc � and narrate them from the monster 's point of view . What would it be like to be that size ? Why do they scream and roar like that ? How satisfying would it be to snap Big Ben off at the roots and toss it like a caber ? And so on ! Naturally ! The idea that governments often make short - term decisions with dangerous long - term consequences � and that one department often has no clue what the others are doing ! � are important and obvious truths . People in governments aren 't somehow better than the rest of us , they 're just muddling through as best they can like everyone else . And they deserve no more respect . Less , usually . Sure ! In story terms , if it 's obvious who 's going to win , then there 's no suspense - right ? Besides , I like reluctance in a hero . I think that 's truthful . I think people have to choose to do the right thing , when the circumstances push them . Naivety in a hero works well in stories , too : if a hero has to learn how to do things , if they fail initially because they 're overconfident ( like Tim ) � those sorts of details make him or her believable and understandable . But . . . as my girlfriend Laura rather smartly pointed out to me recently , I think in my stories I 've currently developed a tendency maybe to go too far the other way . Chris from Tim and Jack from Black Tat are different people , but they both could be seen as being a bit unappealing when you first meet them ! It 's almost like I 'm overcompensating . That 's something I 've been thinking about as I 'm working on my next project : perhaps in that there 'll be someone who 's obviously got a bit more going for them from the outset . We 'll see ! To be completely honest with you , procrastination is a huge problem for writers . It certainly is for me ! Writing can be fun and satisfying , sure , but ultimately it 's a job , it 's work , you 've got to put in the hours : that 's not easy , particularly if you 're not yet even getting paid for your time . The bottom line is , I 'm sorry to say , that you 've got to be disciplined about it . When it gets hard , you have to suck up the pain and keep going . Neil Gaiman , a writer I admire a lot , once put it like this : " How do you finish stories ? You finish them . There 's no magic answer , I 'm afraid . This is how you do it : you sit down at the keyboard and put one word in front of the other until it 's done . It 's that easy , and that hard [ . . . ] Most people can start a short story or novel . If you 're a writer , you can finish them . Finish enough of them , and you may be good enough to be publishable . Good luck . " However , I appreciate that 's not too comforting on its own , so yes , I do have a couple of tips for you ! ; ) The first is , be REGULAR about your writing . If you 're at school , or you 've got a day job , or you 've got people you have to look after , then finding the time and the energy to write can be very tough � no question about it . What can help , I 've found , is if you set aside a regular part of your life , and dedicate that exclusively and infallibly to your writing . For me , when I 'm doing the first draft of a book , I have a quota � a set amount I have to produce . It 's a thousand words a day . For me that 's a feasible , manageable amount � something I can produce reasonably reliably . Sometimes that thousand takes me all day , and my forehead becomes pitted with little marks from smacking it against the desk . Sometimes ( all too rarely lately ! ) I finish it quickly and knock off early . But it 's a good amount . Writing novels is a long game : this way I can make progress without exhausting myself , and still have a place to start the story from the next day when I come back to it . A thousand words a day works for me . For you , particularly if your time and energy are short , it could perfectly respectably be much less . A couple of hundred , one hundred , even fifty words is a fine quota if you 're making it every day . The quota doesn 't even have to be measured in words : it can be time - an hour a day , one night a week ( that worked for Raymond Carver ! ) It doesn 't matter . The important thing is that whatever your framework is , you stick to it , and don 't allow yourself any excuses . For that regular amount of time or that quota you are on the case , and nothing can be allowed to stand in your way . If you 've chosen a realistic and achievable target , and you stick to it , you will make progress . Second tip , LOVE YOUR STORY . I 've written about that before on this page , but really , it 's crucial . Finishing things is hard . There will be times when you want to give up . But if you love your story , if the idea of it is something you believe will be brilliant if you can only carry it off , then that by itself can keep you going to the finish line . Third tip , INCENTIVES ! If you set your writing targets and stick to them , reward yourself : you did the work , you earned it . Power to your writing elbow ! ; ) Another is Hans Moravec . Mallahide 's ideas about the essential crumminess of the human body as a means of carrying us around in the world ( ideas I happen to agree with ) were definitely inspired by Moravec . Here 's a link to his page on Wikipedia . His interviews are always good fun , too , full of all sorts of mind - bending notions : here 's one that I dug up from Google just now . I 'm not a scientist . Far from it . I just want to write fun stories , so the big impetus with me is less to do with what human technology is currently or actually capable of , and more to do with the magical and inspiring question of ' What if � ? ' And of course , I 'm not the only one . There 's already quite a solid tradition of nanobots in fiction : Prey by Michael Crichton is tremendous fun , and Blood Music by Greg Bear is absolutely amazing . Hi you came to my school today and you were talking to us in the library . I was really inspired and bought Tim , Defender of the Earth . You also then told us it might be turned into a FILM . If it is this might be a strange question but could i be in it cause i love acting and its my dream and you said to us follow our dreams so that 's what i 'm doing . I 'd love to hear more . If a film is ever made of one of my books [ which , incidentally , is a big ' if ' : Neil Gaiman , who 's had quite a few film deals now , says " I 've learned never quite to believe that one of my stories is going to be turned into a film until I 'm actually buying the popcorn " ] � then even though I 'm the author of the book I will have no control over who is in the movie . I 'm actually fine with that , by the way . Those kinds of decisions , I think , are generally much better left up to the people who are making the film . But to be blunt , I 'm the wrong person to ask this question . Sorry ! If ( if , if ) a film of one of my books does get to the casting stage , and if ( if , if ) the producers decide to give a general casting call for auditions , I will of course do my best to announce it on my websites . That , however , is all I can tell you for now . But I wish you the very best of luck . The single best piece of writing advice I 've ever heard came from an interview I read once with the awesome thriller writer Lee Child : " Write the exact book that you yourself would be thrilled to read , " he said � and as soon as I saw those words it was like a door opening in my head . The only way as a writer that you can hope to get readers excited by your stories , is if you 're excited by them yourself . Giant monsters thrill me half to death , and have done for most of my life now . My first giant monster encounter was when I was six , reading Ted Hughes ' The Iron Man � I think it 's called The Iron Giant in the US ( and I 'm talking about the book , not the movie , which is quite different ) . For those who don 't know , in the book the Iron Man is something of an enigma : ' Where did he come from ? Nobody knows ' . But as soon as he stepped off that cliff on page one I was hooked � and by the time he squared off to defend the human race against the annihilating space - angel - bat - dragon ( a creature so colossal that it sat on the whole of Australia ! ) Mr Hughes ' book had started an obsession that would last the rest of my life . I love monsters � all kinds . But from that book I can trace a love of / giant / ones , specifically , that has sustained and fed me through ( to name a few ) all three versions of King Kong , the wonderful work of Ray Harryhausen , innumerable Japanese daikaiju such as Gamera and ( naturally ! ) Godzilla � right up to more recent stuff like The Host and Cloverfield . Sometimes , I 'll admit , I 've felt a bit silly about it . Sometimes � especially when I was trying to convey my excitement to other people ! � I would wonder what it was I loved about giant monsters so much . ' But it 's blatantly just a guy in a suit , ' they would say . ' I know , ' I would answer , ' but �' ' That building he 's just stepped on is about six inches tall . It 's totally unrealistic ! ' ' I know , ' I would flail , ' but - ! ' But the thing was , I didn 't know where that ' but ' came from � why I loved these stories so much . Not until just a few years ago , when I was asking myself that question again . Then , at last , it hit me : a lot of the satisfaction to be had from these stories � comes from imagining you 're the monster . Take me , for instance . I 'm six foot two , I 'm a little clumsy , and when I get excited I tend to wave my arms around like a big blond baboon . I had to give up learning Wing Chun Kung Fu recently when I realised that all it was doing for me at this stage ( even Wing Chun , one of the tidiest and most short - range of all martial arts ) was to make me knock things over , even more than I did already . Well : imagine the destruction if , like Tim , I was a HUNDRED METRES TALL ! What would it be like to be stuck trying to walk around in a city that 's built on a vastly smaller scale to you � even if you didn 't want to destroy it ? What if every time you opened your mouth , people ran screaming in terror ? And what if , like the Iron Man , you found you then had to face a threat that was even more powerful , and frightening , and seemingly indomitable , than you ? In his brilliant book of the craft On Writing , Stephen King describes the germination of the seed of a book as the ' What if ? ' stage . That 's where writers get their ideas from : by asking themselves ' What if ? ' The combination of that , giant monsters , and Lee Child 's advice , and there you have it : Tim . This is an excellent question , and the subject of baddies is one I find especially fascinating [ HUR HUR HUR ' scuse me ] . When planning a story with a baddie in it , it 's certainly tempting to make the baddie as unsympathetic as possible , as this ( of course ) will supposedly make your ' good ' characters seem all the more good . But in fact I reckon this is a mistake . The problem is , it tends to lead to very simplistic storytelling , with a very skewed ' black and white ' sort of view of the world . OK : I write fantasy stories � they 're escapism , they 're fun . But I try to keep at the heart of my stories a truthful reflection of some kind of daily reality , as I think that makes them more believable , and therefore more enjoyable . This business of baddies is a prime example . In real life , acts of cruelty , horror , callousness , brutality , greed , sadism and so forth are not generally carried out by your classic moustache - twirling ' Bwahaha ! I will take over the world ! ' type of baddie . In real life , acts of unspeakable evil are actually carried out by � us . We all of us , every one of us , have the potential inside us to do terrible things . We all get tempted . We 've all experienced the moment of madness , the beckoning abyss , the curiosity . And I 'm not putting across a pessimistic view of the world by saying this : on the contrary , considering the potential for darkness and insanity inside every single human being , it 's amazing and incredible and brilliant that the majority of us are as positive as we are . But people do bad things . And as humans � let alone writers � we have to try to understand why . My favourite baddies , therefore , tend to be ones who have a bit of depth to them . I don 't believe that people can be classified forever as ' evil ' , so I don 't think characters in stories � even fantasy stories � should be , either . So , when I 'm thinking about a baddie for a story � someone who is going to get a story started and bring it to its climax ; somebody who has to be fought or stopped � the big question I ask myself is , Why ? If they 're obsessed with power , why are they obsessed with power ? [ Perhaps it 's a sign of weakness and powerlessness in some important other part of their life ? ] If , as in the Scourge 's case in Black Tat , they want to destroy the universe , why do they want to destroy the universe ? [ The Scourge makes a lot of noise about ' the purity of the Void ' , but in fact it behaves as it does because it was created that way : it 's like a machine , a self - destruct button for the universe , set up that way for experimental purposes by a higher power . But over the course of the story , it discovers that it has other feelings . . . ] In Tim , the ' baddie ' is Professor Mallahide . He 's discovered something , something tremendous and incredible , with enormous potential for good . But where he crosses the line into being a threat to the world , is the fact that he can 't understand why everyone else can 't see his invention the same way he does . He inflicts his will on other people , thinking he knows best . That 's a mistake that any one of us can make . The best and most exciting baddies in stories , it seems to me , are the ones who are closest to ourselves . Rather than starting out trying to make a baddie as unsympathetic as possible , therefore , the best way to get thinking about them ( I reckon ) is to take something from ourselves � something we 've seen ourselves do , something we 're not proud of � and just � push it a little . And you know what ? It doesn 't have to take much of a push . After all , as the Joker tells Batman in Alan Moore 's / awesome / The Killing Joke : " There 's no difference between me and everyone else . All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy . That 's how far the world is from where I am . Just one bad day . " I hope this doesn 't come as too much of a disappointment , but my plan right now is never to write a sequel to any of my books . I think there are already too many sequels in the world , and too many of them are disappointing . Instead , I would like all my stories to stand alone .
|
I once met a man who hated music . Seriously , in both senses of the word : he really and truly hated it , and he hated it with a real passion . His name was Masaaki and he was an intermediate student of mine , an engineer . I found out this interesting fact about him when I gave the class a questionnaire on Likes and Dislikes . We were covering food , hobbies , school subjects and general interests , and at first I thought he was just being lazy when I overheard him stating categorically that he did not like music - - any music . I sidled up to his table , certain that he had simply not known how to express himself adequately . Everybody likes some kind of music , after all , whether it 's opera or the blues or swing or folk or soul . " Come on , Masaaki , " I said , " you don 't mean that you dislike all music . He gave me a look . " I do mean that . " " But not all music , right ? " " All music , " he said emphatically . " Even classical ? " I asked , amazed . " Hate it . " " Jazz ? " Jazz is hugely popular in Japan . Masaaki curled his lip and rolled his eyes . " What about Japanese stuff ? Enka , for instance , or minyo ? " I can 't stand them . " I sat down in the chair opposite him and the partner he was paired with . I should have been walking around the class , prompting a shy student here , coaxing a nervous student there , but to hell with the rest of the class : this was too damned interesting . " Really ? " I queried , incredulous . He crossed his arms over his chest and gave me a very hard look . " Really . Every kind of music . Every single kind . " He was wearing a wedding ring , and I couldn 't help but feel sorry for his wife . What a dismal existence , living with a man who hated all music ! " How about your wife ? " I blurted out , unable to control my curiosity . He shot me a look of pure triumph . " She hates it too ! That was the first question I asked her when we first met on our omiai . I said , What kind of music do you like ? and her answer was I do not really care so much for music . And so I knew she was the girl for me ! " Well , that clinched it : He must really hate music if he 'd chosen a mPosted by Both of my kids are medical anomalies : they don 't sleep . When the eldest was a newborn , I remember looking at the baby book I had and thinking I must have made a mistake . " Most newborns sleep as many as sixteen hours per day , " the book said , " but they don 't sleep all of those hours at the same time . " I read and reread this . Sixteen hours ? No matter how addle - brained I was from my own lack of sleep , no matter how crappy my math skills , the hours weren 't adding up . Our baby never managed more than twelve . In fact , ten was about her average . The book was right about one thing , though : she didn 't sleep all of those hours at the same time . I spent the first six months of her life looking like I 'd come right off the cast of Night of the Living Dead . " In fact , " the book went on to say , " most newborns sleep for relatively short periods at a time . " This was certainly true : ours took 30 - to 40 - minute cat - naps , precisely the period of time it takes me to fall asleep . And finally : " Some babies will start sleeping through the night at six weeks . Others will wake up two to three times per night until they are at least twelve months of age or more . " Oh , how I clung to that phrase sleeping through the night at six weeks . As for the other possibility , I couldn 't even bear to think about it . In fact , our eldest was six months old before she ever once slept through the night - - not bad as an average , we were told - - but unfortunately ' sleeping through the night ' for her amounted to about five hours of sleep , tops . " It 'll get better , " her pediatrician assured us . " Wait and see : she 'll settle down . " And amazingly enough , she did . She still didn 't sleep anywhere close to the normal amount of time for an infant , but we worked out a nap routine and bedtime schedule that were pretty much carved in stone . For two wonderful years , everything was fantastic and my husband and I often got as much as five hours of uninterrupted sleep a night . Then we went and had another kid and it all went down the drain . Bedtimes were no longer rigidly establiPosted by Anyone who has teenagers will tell you how important coolness is for them . Being cool is almost a raison d ' etre for your average pre - teen or teen , and kids who are not cool might as well be in teenaged hell . I watch my two teenagers and ache for them as they grapple with the issue of coolness , because here is the sad truth : I am not , and I have never been , cool . This is the sort of thing I can write about quite casually now , but when I was their age , my terminal lack of coolness was no laughing matter . I spent hours of every day pondering coolness and how I might manage to get some for myself . I watched others who were undisputably cool and studied their moves , their fashion sense , their way of talking and their musical preferences . And I ached and yearned , but even as I made my feeble efforts towards coolness , I knew that it was not to be . Often , I would try to analyze coolness , to figure out what it was made up of . Here are some of the elements that I isolated , and yet none of them in itself made a person cool : 1 ) Owning a motorcycle2 ) Wearing a beard ( for men ) 3 ) Having long , straight , thin ( as in not bushy ) hair , or an Afro ( for women ) 4 ) Listening to the right music5 ) Wearing cool clothes6 ) Having cool parents7 ) Studying or being involved in something cool8 ) Being a Democrat rather than a Republican9 ) Being a minority , preferably dark - skinned10 ) Being from a foreign country , or speaking a foreign languageA co - worker once told me that he could spot people who had been cool as teenagers right away - - and those who had not . He claimed that the lack of confidence one acquired as an uncool teenager stuck like barnacles on a ship ; that you could try to lose this , but you never really did . My first reaction to this was to run and hide , but when he commented that I must have been one of the cool kids , I knew his powers of perception were limited . Once I left high school , my life picked up wonderfully . I was still not cool , but I had other things to think about , like making a living and graduating from college . Liberated fPosted by I felt depressingly old on my very first trip to Newcastle this past Tuesday : the streets were filled with more teens and 20 - somethings than I 've seen in any one spot for quite some time . And I didn 't just feel old , either ; I felt like a real hick . We 've been living in this little town in Southwest Scotland for six years now , and with a population of only 2 , 500 and a high street you can navigate in ten minutes flat even if you 're arthritic , this town can 't compete with the bright lights and glitz of Newcastle . We had to work hard to keep our mouths shut and our expressions neutral as we picked up our tickets at the Sage Gateshead , then walked across the Millenium Bridge towards the town . My husband and I were in Newcastle to hear Richard Thompson and Diana Jones . He was pretty much there for Richard Thompson - my husband has been a fan for ages - and I was there for Diana Jones . I heard her for the first time on a cold , rainy night last year while I sat huddled in our car waiting for my daughter to finish a class . I have just about the most eclectic music tastes of anyone I know , and I 've always liked country music , but Diana Jones is in a class all by herself . Someone wrote that she was the new Emmy Lou Harris , but that is no more true than saying Emmy Lou Harris is the old Diana Jones . Their music may be largely bluegrass , but their voices and styles are entirely different . I sat in that car with tears running down my face . My mother was from the backwoods of Kentucky so I grew up hearing gospel songs and plaintive old ballads , and I had the eeriest feeling of being in the here - and - now but back in my own childhood , listening to my mother , magically transformed into someone with a low sweet voice like melted glass . I forgot all about being in a cold , damp car as I listened to that wonderful voice blending with fiddle , guitar and mandolin . When I got home , I told my husband . He 's not a fan of country music , but he looked up Diana Jones and listened to a sample of her music . And he went right out and ordered her CDPosted by My blogging pal Kathie at the Housewife Cafe has challenged me to a dualing post . We both had parents with pat - rack sensibilities , and as I am certain that my parents were worse than hers , having lived through both the Depression and World War Two , I have accepted . When I was younger , I would have blushed to tell anyone this , much less have published it in the public domain . But I am so far removed from it now that I see how genuinely comic it was . And more than that , I am proud of my parents . Sure , they embarrassed me to death at the time , but they never tried to keep up with the Jones ; they never bought into consumerism or felt the need to shop until they dropped . George W 's post - 9 - 11 advice to the general public to go out and shop wouldn 't have touched them . And thank God America didn 't have to depend on my parents ' purchasing power . 1 ) String . Whenever we received a package , the string was carefully removed , unknotted , and wound up into a ball . We were never without ; we never had to buy any . Sure , you never found a bit that was the length you needed ; inevitably , the piece you unraveled from the string - ball would be too long or short for your needs . When that happened , you cut or knotted until you had the right length . 2 ) Aluminum foil . We almost never bought this - - it was for rich people ! But when we did have it , by God , did it get recycled . By the time we were finally finished with a piece , it was no longer shiny . Or rather , the shininess was not of a metallic nature . 3 ) Waxed paper . To my endless shame , my mother was the only mother who wrapped sandwiches in this . A little detail like that can cause a kid quite a few headaches . Everybody else 's mother used baggies - - and each baggy was used only once . Waxed paper , though , is different ! One piece can go on for weeks . 4 ) Clothes . When we were babies , my mother would , as a special treat , cover us with her Chicago - Manhattan - D . C . coat . This was purchased just after Pearl Harbor , when my mother lived in Chicago , and she wore the coat in Washington D . C . and ManhattPosted by The other day I read an interesting article in the New York Times entitled Picky Eaters ? They Get It From You . According to the writers , a finicky appetite is something your kids have probably inherited and nothing to do with your cooking . Which means it 's still your fault , of course , even if it isn 't something you can help . There has got to be something to this . I wouldn 't eat peppers or avocadoes when I was a kid , which was a shame because my father grew them both in job lots , and I turned my nose up at squash and cucumbers and wouldn 't have touched a raw tomato with a barge pole . No doubt about it : as I sowed , so have I reaped , even if it was completely unintentional . Here then , owing to my - - or my husband 's - - crappy DNA , is just a sampling of our kids ' obnoxious food habits : If I make a pizza , they pick out every single piece of mushroom , green pepper , or tomato . The youngest will eat mushrooms if they are pulverized beyond recognition ; the eldest will not knowingly remain in a room where mushrooms are in evidence . Both kids will eat tomatoes if they are made into sauce ; if , however , even a particle of a cooked tomato in its original unblended state is showing , they remove it from their plates for all the world as if they 've found a cockroach . Uncooked tomatoes are fine , they insist : it is the ' hot ' ones they cannot cope with unless they are liquidized . Are you dizzy yet ? No ? Good for you . Onions must be chopped so fine that just thinking about the process makes my eyes water and my fingers ache . ( Unless they happen to be doing the chopping , in which case they throw down the knife at the first tingle . ) Chopped onions must then be cooked until limp and brown ; if even the tiniest fragment is left " rubbery , " it will produce gags . Believe me , I could go on , but I won 't . Because the other day I happened to whine about all of this to a friend , and once I 'd heard her complaints , I shut right up . Here is a list of what her two boys will eat : Noodles , mashed potatoes , chips ( French fries ) , catsup , butter , white bread , bPosted by Last year , our family went hiking in the hills along the Selkirk Valley . This is a beautiful , unspoilt area full of tumbling waterfalls and heather where sheep and wild goats graze . You can see herons , red squirrels , owls , buzzards and sparrow hawks , among other wild animals , and even when it is cloudy and rainy , the scenery is breathtaking . We had a friend of our daughter with us who , halfway up the hill we were climbing , suddenly remembered that she was afraid of heights . Personally , I thought it was more a case of her not wanting to huff and puff her way to the top simply for a chance to see a good view , but I played along and accompanied her and my daughter back down . We had to walk back to the car some three kilometers away , so I figured we would do something useful : we would pick up trash along the way . Bear in mind that although the road we were on is fairly busy , this was in the autumn , and there was little traffic . In five minutes ' time , perhaps one or two cars would pass us . I imagined that we might each collect up to one grocery bag full of rubbish along the way . We always take a lot of plastic bags along when we hike ( they come in handy going down the really steep slopes if you happen to have weak ankles ) , and on this occasion we started off with six and found even more bags along the way . By the time we got to the car , three kilometers away , we had filled every single bag and could not physically carry any more . When we finally reached our destination , we had over fifteen bulging bags of trash . And we weren 't just burdened down with trash ; we were filled with disgust for all the littering slobs who 'd jettisoned it . By the time we relieved ourselves of those bags , we could have happily let the air out of the offenders ' tires . Here is a sampling of what we found tossed out along this beautiful , grassy , heather - studded road : disposable diapers , plastic bottles , newspapers , magazines ( plenty of them pornographic ) , Styrofoam take - away containers , tires , shoes , clothing ( you really do wonder ) , cigarettes buPosted by I 'm a Highlander . True , I grew up in a polluted city in the dry and dusty Inland Empire of Southern California , but I 'm a Highlander all the same . I went to Highland School , passing Highland Terrace to get there . We had a Dunbarton Place just around the corner , and at the local university all the dormitories had names like ' Aberdeen , ' ' Bannockburn , ' and ' Inverness . Our neighborhood , further up in the hills than much of the surrounding area , was known informally as ' the Highlands . ' Highlanders we may have been , but our town was hot . In the dead of winter , it sometimes got almost as cold as summers in the U . K . , but in the summertime , temperatures could easily go as high as 105 degrees and stay there . The heat made most sensible people go indoors and turn on their air - conditioners . Quite apart from the discomfort of the heat itself , there were rattlesnakes about , and the hotter it was , the more they liked to come out and socialize . Our local pipe band , however , didn 't show the slightest sign of minding the heat or worrying about snakes . Mainly elderly and middle - aged men , they proudly marched up and down the dusty sidewalks under the blistering afternoon sun , looks of great concentration on their faces . The sight of our elderly next - door neighbor , Mr MacDougall , with his hairy old - man legs and , to our silly minds , mini - skirt kilt , was too much for us kids to bear . We would run giggling and shrieking back into the house where our mother , fully aware of what we were laughing at , fiercely admonished us . Hush up ! Stop that right now ! Shame on you ! Those men and their pipes were culture . Didn 't we know that our very own ancestors had dressed just the same ? We snickered and bit our lips at the thought and tried to avoid each other 's eyes . The MacDougalls were as sad a blight on our lives as we must have been on theirs . They were grumpy and no - nonsense ; Mrs MacDougall frequently let my mother know that her own approach to child - rearing had been largely drawn from the Old Testament - - Proverbs , in partiPosted by My friend Dina picks up road kill . We were out on a drive the other evening when we saw the car in front of us hit a rabbit . We both flinched - - poor little thing ! - - and looked quickly to see what had happened . The rabbit had been killed instantly , flung to the side of the road just outside someone 's house , its spine broken . Dina checked her rear view mirror and put on the brakes . " You can 't save it , Dina , " I told her . " It 's dead . " She gave me an exasperated I know look and got out of the car . I turned and watched as she walked over to where the rabbit lay sprawled over the pavement and picked it up . What the hell ? A man came out of the house . " If you 're looking for the car rally , you missed the turn - off , " he said helpfully . " It 's just before the roundabout , past the petrol station . " " I 'm not going to the car rally , " she told him . " I 'm picking up this rabbit . " The man looked at the rabbit . " It 's dead . " " Yes , I know . " " If it 's rabbits you 're after , " the man said , " I 've got a lot of ' em . They 're a bloody nuisance , they are ; they eat everything in my garden . You come back here and help yourself to more rabbits any time . " Dina nodded . She has plenty of rabbits in her garden too , but not so conveniently killed as this one . Holding the rabbit by the hind legs , she turned to go back to the car , but the man called after her : " That for your dog ? " She smiled and I felt my cheeks begin to burn : by this time I had a pretty good idea it wasn 't for her spaniel who was sitting there behind me in the car . And I also knew that Dina wouldn 't lie - - not even with the dog sitting there in full view , the perfect excuse for someone caught helping herself to road kill . Dina is pathologically truthful : one of those people who tells the truth just for the fun of it , even when she could easily get away with a lie . The fact is , Dina 's road kill salvaging embarrassed me - - just a little . I grew up with a mother who bragged about the horrid house dresses she bought for 35 cents at Value Village Thrift Shop . Who happily recycled jelly jars as glassPosted by
|
I once met a man who hated music . Seriously , in both senses of the word : he really and truly hated it , and he hated it with a real passion . His name was Masaaki and he was an intermediate student of mine , an engineer . I found out this interesting fact about him when I gave the class a questionnaire on Likes and Dislikes . We were covering food , hobbies , school subjects and general interests , and at first I thought he was just being lazy when I overheard him stating categorically that he did not like music - - any music . I sidled up to his table , certain that he had simply not known how to express himself adequately . Everybody likes some kind of music , after all , whether it 's opera or the blues or swing or folk or soul . " Come on , Masaaki , " I said , " you don 't mean that you dislike all music . He gave me a look . " I do mean that . " " But not all music , right ? " " All music , " he said emphatically . " Even classical ? " I asked , amazed . " Hate it . " " Jazz ? " Jazz is hugely popular in Japan . Masaaki curled his lip and rolled his eyes . " What about Japanese stuff ? Enka , for instance , or minyo ? " I can 't stand them . " I sat down in the chair opposite him and the partner he was paired with . I should have been walking around the class , prompting a shy student here , coaxing a nervous student there , but to hell with the rest of the class : this was too damned interesting . " Really ? " I queried , incredulous . He crossed his arms over his chest and gave me a very hard look . " Really . Every kind of music . Every single kind . " He was wearing a wedding ring , and I couldn 't help but feel sorry for his wife . What a dismal existence , living with a man who hated all music ! " How about your wife ? " I blurted out , unable to control my curiosity . He shot me a look of pure triumph . " She hates it too ! That was the first question I asked her when we first met on our omiai . I said , What kind of music do you like ? and her answer was I do not really care so much for music . And so I knew she was the girl for me ! " Well , that clinched it : He must really hate music if he 'd chosen a mPosted by Both of my kids are medical anomalies : they don 't sleep . When the eldest was a newborn , I remember looking at the baby book I had and thinking I must have made a mistake . " Most newborns sleep as many as sixteen hours per day , " the book said , " but they don 't sleep all of those hours at the same time . " I read and reread this . Sixteen hours ? No matter how addle - brained I was from my own lack of sleep , no matter how crappy my math skills , the hours weren 't adding up . Our baby never managed more than twelve . In fact , ten was about her average . The book was right about one thing , though : she didn 't sleep all of those hours at the same time . I spent the first six months of her life looking like I 'd come right off the cast of Night of the Living Dead . " In fact , " the book went on to say , " most newborns sleep for relatively short periods at a time . " This was certainly true : ours took 30 - to 40 - minute cat - naps , precisely the period of time it takes me to fall asleep . And finally : " Some babies will start sleeping through the night at six weeks . Others will wake up two to three times per night until they are at least twelve months of age or more . " Oh , how I clung to that phrase sleeping through the night at six weeks . As for the other possibility , I couldn 't even bear to think about it . In fact , our eldest was six months old before she ever once slept through the night - - not bad as an average , we were told - - but unfortunately ' sleeping through the night ' for her amounted to about five hours of sleep , tops . " It 'll get better , " her pediatrician assured us . " Wait and see : she 'll settle down . " And amazingly enough , she did . She still didn 't sleep anywhere close to the normal amount of time for an infant , but we worked out a nap routine and bedtime schedule that were pretty much carved in stone . For two wonderful years , everything was fantastic and my husband and I often got as much as five hours of uninterrupted sleep a night . Then we went and had another kid and it all went down the drain . Bedtimes were no longer rigidly establiPosted by Anyone who has teenagers will tell you how important coolness is for them . Being cool is almost a raison d ' etre for your average pre - teen or teen , and kids who are not cool might as well be in teenaged hell . I watch my two teenagers and ache for them as they grapple with the issue of coolness , because here is the sad truth : I am not , and I have never been , cool . This is the sort of thing I can write about quite casually now , but when I was their age , my terminal lack of coolness was no laughing matter . I spent hours of every day pondering coolness and how I might manage to get some for myself . I watched others who were undisputably cool and studied their moves , their fashion sense , their way of talking and their musical preferences . And I ached and yearned , but even as I made my feeble efforts towards coolness , I knew that it was not to be . Often , I would try to analyze coolness , to figure out what it was made up of . Here are some of the elements that I isolated , and yet none of them in itself made a person cool : 1 ) Owning a motorcycle2 ) Wearing a beard ( for men ) 3 ) Having long , straight , thin ( as in not bushy ) hair , or an Afro ( for women ) 4 ) Listening to the right music5 ) Wearing cool clothes6 ) Having cool parents7 ) Studying or being involved in something cool8 ) Being a Democrat rather than a Republican9 ) Being a minority , preferably dark - skinned10 ) Being from a foreign country , or speaking a foreign languageA co - worker once told me that he could spot people who had been cool as teenagers right away - - and those who had not . He claimed that the lack of confidence one acquired as an uncool teenager stuck like barnacles on a ship ; that you could try to lose this , but you never really did . My first reaction to this was to run and hide , but when he commented that I must have been one of the cool kids , I knew his powers of perception were limited . Once I left high school , my life picked up wonderfully . I was still not cool , but I had other things to think about , like making a living and graduating from college . Liberated fPosted by I felt depressingly old on my very first trip to Newcastle this past Tuesday : the streets were filled with more teens and 20 - somethings than I 've seen in any one spot for quite some time . And I didn 't just feel old , either ; I felt like a real hick . We 've been living in this little town in Southwest Scotland for six years now , and with a population of only 2 , 500 and a high street you can navigate in ten minutes flat even if you 're arthritic , this town can 't compete with the bright lights and glitz of Newcastle . We had to work hard to keep our mouths shut and our expressions neutral as we picked up our tickets at the Sage Gateshead , then walked across the Millenium Bridge towards the town . My husband and I were in Newcastle to hear Richard Thompson and Diana Jones . He was pretty much there for Richard Thompson - my husband has been a fan for ages - and I was there for Diana Jones . I heard her for the first time on a cold , rainy night last year while I sat huddled in our car waiting for my daughter to finish a class . I have just about the most eclectic music tastes of anyone I know , and I 've always liked country music , but Diana Jones is in a class all by herself . Someone wrote that she was the new Emmy Lou Harris , but that is no more true than saying Emmy Lou Harris is the old Diana Jones . Their music may be largely bluegrass , but their voices and styles are entirely different . I sat in that car with tears running down my face . My mother was from the backwoods of Kentucky so I grew up hearing gospel songs and plaintive old ballads , and I had the eeriest feeling of being in the here - and - now but back in my own childhood , listening to my mother , magically transformed into someone with a low sweet voice like melted glass . I forgot all about being in a cold , damp car as I listened to that wonderful voice blending with fiddle , guitar and mandolin . When I got home , I told my husband . He 's not a fan of country music , but he looked up Diana Jones and listened to a sample of her music . And he went right out and ordered her CDPosted by My blogging pal Kathie at the Housewife Cafe has challenged me to a dualing post . We both had parents with pat - rack sensibilities , and as I am certain that my parents were worse than hers , having lived through both the Depression and World War Two , I have accepted . When I was younger , I would have blushed to tell anyone this , much less have published it in the public domain . But I am so far removed from it now that I see how genuinely comic it was . And more than that , I am proud of my parents . Sure , they embarrassed me to death at the time , but they never tried to keep up with the Jones ; they never bought into consumerism or felt the need to shop until they dropped . George W 's post - 9 - 11 advice to the general public to go out and shop wouldn 't have touched them . And thank God America didn 't have to depend on my parents ' purchasing power . 1 ) String . Whenever we received a package , the string was carefully removed , unknotted , and wound up into a ball . We were never without ; we never had to buy any . Sure , you never found a bit that was the length you needed ; inevitably , the piece you unraveled from the string - ball would be too long or short for your needs . When that happened , you cut or knotted until you had the right length . 2 ) Aluminum foil . We almost never bought this - - it was for rich people ! But when we did have it , by God , did it get recycled . By the time we were finally finished with a piece , it was no longer shiny . Or rather , the shininess was not of a metallic nature . 3 ) Waxed paper . To my endless shame , my mother was the only mother who wrapped sandwiches in this . A little detail like that can cause a kid quite a few headaches . Everybody else 's mother used baggies - - and each baggy was used only once . Waxed paper , though , is different ! One piece can go on for weeks . 4 ) Clothes . When we were babies , my mother would , as a special treat , cover us with her Chicago - Manhattan - D . C . coat . This was purchased just after Pearl Harbor , when my mother lived in Chicago , and she wore the coat in Washington D . C . and ManhattPosted by The other day I read an interesting article in the New York Times entitled Picky Eaters ? They Get It From You . According to the writers , a finicky appetite is something your kids have probably inherited and nothing to do with your cooking . Which means it 's still your fault , of course , even if it isn 't something you can help . There has got to be something to this . I wouldn 't eat peppers or avocadoes when I was a kid , which was a shame because my father grew them both in job lots , and I turned my nose up at squash and cucumbers and wouldn 't have touched a raw tomato with a barge pole . No doubt about it : as I sowed , so have I reaped , even if it was completely unintentional . Here then , owing to my - - or my husband 's - - crappy DNA , is just a sampling of our kids ' obnoxious food habits : If I make a pizza , they pick out every single piece of mushroom , green pepper , or tomato . The youngest will eat mushrooms if they are pulverized beyond recognition ; the eldest will not knowingly remain in a room where mushrooms are in evidence . Both kids will eat tomatoes if they are made into sauce ; if , however , even a particle of a cooked tomato in its original unblended state is showing , they remove it from their plates for all the world as if they 've found a cockroach . Uncooked tomatoes are fine , they insist : it is the ' hot ' ones they cannot cope with unless they are liquidized . Are you dizzy yet ? No ? Good for you . Onions must be chopped so fine that just thinking about the process makes my eyes water and my fingers ache . ( Unless they happen to be doing the chopping , in which case they throw down the knife at the first tingle . ) Chopped onions must then be cooked until limp and brown ; if even the tiniest fragment is left " rubbery , " it will produce gags . Believe me , I could go on , but I won 't . Because the other day I happened to whine about all of this to a friend , and once I 'd heard her complaints , I shut right up . Here is a list of what her two boys will eat : Noodles , mashed potatoes , chips ( French fries ) , catsup , butter , white bread , bPosted by Last year , our family went hiking in the hills along the Selkirk Valley . This is a beautiful , unspoilt area full of tumbling waterfalls and heather where sheep and wild goats graze . You can see herons , red squirrels , owls , buzzards and sparrow hawks , among other wild animals , and even when it is cloudy and rainy , the scenery is breathtaking . We had a friend of our daughter with us who , halfway up the hill we were climbing , suddenly remembered that she was afraid of heights . Personally , I thought it was more a case of her not wanting to huff and puff her way to the top simply for a chance to see a good view , but I played along and accompanied her and my daughter back down . We had to walk back to the car some three kilometers away , so I figured we would do something useful : we would pick up trash along the way . Bear in mind that although the road we were on is fairly busy , this was in the autumn , and there was little traffic . In five minutes ' time , perhaps one or two cars would pass us . I imagined that we might each collect up to one grocery bag full of rubbish along the way . We always take a lot of plastic bags along when we hike ( they come in handy going down the really steep slopes if you happen to have weak ankles ) , and on this occasion we started off with six and found even more bags along the way . By the time we got to the car , three kilometers away , we had filled every single bag and could not physically carry any more . When we finally reached our destination , we had over fifteen bulging bags of trash . And we weren 't just burdened down with trash ; we were filled with disgust for all the littering slobs who 'd jettisoned it . By the time we relieved ourselves of those bags , we could have happily let the air out of the offenders ' tires . Here is a sampling of what we found tossed out along this beautiful , grassy , heather - studded road : disposable diapers , plastic bottles , newspapers , magazines ( plenty of them pornographic ) , Styrofoam take - away containers , tires , shoes , clothing ( you really do wonder ) , cigarettes buPosted by I 'm a Highlander . True , I grew up in a polluted city in the dry and dusty Inland Empire of Southern California , but I 'm a Highlander all the same . I went to Highland School , passing Highland Terrace to get there . We had a Dunbarton Place just around the corner , and at the local university all the dormitories had names like ' Aberdeen , ' ' Bannockburn , ' and ' Inverness . Our neighborhood , further up in the hills than much of the surrounding area , was known informally as ' the Highlands . ' Highlanders we may have been , but our town was hot . In the dead of winter , it sometimes got almost as cold as summers in the U . K . , but in the summertime , temperatures could easily go as high as 105 degrees and stay there . The heat made most sensible people go indoors and turn on their air - conditioners . Quite apart from the discomfort of the heat itself , there were rattlesnakes about , and the hotter it was , the more they liked to come out and socialize . Our local pipe band , however , didn 't show the slightest sign of minding the heat or worrying about snakes . Mainly elderly and middle - aged men , they proudly marched up and down the dusty sidewalks under the blistering afternoon sun , looks of great concentration on their faces . The sight of our elderly next - door neighbor , Mr MacDougall , with his hairy old - man legs and , to our silly minds , mini - skirt kilt , was too much for us kids to bear . We would run giggling and shrieking back into the house where our mother , fully aware of what we were laughing at , fiercely admonished us . Hush up ! Stop that right now ! Shame on you ! Those men and their pipes were culture . Didn 't we know that our very own ancestors had dressed just the same ? We snickered and bit our lips at the thought and tried to avoid each other 's eyes . The MacDougalls were as sad a blight on our lives as we must have been on theirs . They were grumpy and no - nonsense ; Mrs MacDougall frequently let my mother know that her own approach to child - rearing had been largely drawn from the Old Testament - - Proverbs , in partiPosted by My friend Dina picks up road kill . We were out on a drive the other evening when we saw the car in front of us hit a rabbit . We both flinched - - poor little thing ! - - and looked quickly to see what had happened . The rabbit had been killed instantly , flung to the side of the road just outside someone 's house , its spine broken . Dina checked her rear view mirror and put on the brakes . " You can 't save it , Dina , " I told her . " It 's dead . " She gave me an exasperated I know look and got out of the car . I turned and watched as she walked over to where the rabbit lay sprawled over the pavement and picked it up . What the hell ? A man came out of the house . " If you 're looking for the car rally , you missed the turn - off , " he said helpfully . " It 's just before the roundabout , past the petrol station . " " I 'm not going to the car rally , " she told him . " I 'm picking up this rabbit . " The man looked at the rabbit . " It 's dead . " " Yes , I know . " " If it 's rabbits you 're after , " the man said , " I 've got a lot of ' em . They 're a bloody nuisance , they are ; they eat everything in my garden . You come back here and help yourself to more rabbits any time . " Dina nodded . She has plenty of rabbits in her garden too , but not so conveniently killed as this one . Holding the rabbit by the hind legs , she turned to go back to the car , but the man called after her : " That for your dog ? " She smiled and I felt my cheeks begin to burn : by this time I had a pretty good idea it wasn 't for her spaniel who was sitting there behind me in the car . And I also knew that Dina wouldn 't lie - - not even with the dog sitting there in full view , the perfect excuse for someone caught helping herself to road kill . Dina is pathologically truthful : one of those people who tells the truth just for the fun of it , even when she could easily get away with a lie . The fact is , Dina 's road kill salvaging embarrassed me - - just a little . I grew up with a mother who bragged about the horrid house dresses she bought for 35 cents at Value Village Thrift Shop . Who happily recycled jelly jars as glassPosted by
|
Home » Career and Income » Education & Training » Are Private Schools Worth the Money They Demand ? Are Private Schools Worth the Money They Demand ? By Xin Lu on 30 January 2008 I admit it , I am a product of public schools from pre - school through college and I am quite proud of it . By going to public schools I helped my parents save a king 's ransom and going to a public college is a big reason why I ended up with no loans and a good amount of savings . I married a man who loved his sixteen plus years of private education but it is hard for me to fathom how much money his parents had to spend over those years . One day we had a discussion about having kids and he said we would have to send them to private school , and I said I did not think it was worth the money because I got an excellent education in public schools . So he argued his case for private schools and I will list some of his points here . Generally families are assigned to public school districts by the location of their home . This creates expensive real estate in the towns that are supposed to have a good public school district . It is probably cheaper to pay for a private school for a few years than to pay for an extremely high mortgage in an expensive area with a good public school . For schools to be accredited they do have to have an approved core curriculum , but private schools can teach additional things like religion or design specialty programs that focus on math and science . Many people choose private schools for religious reasons and it is understandable to choose belief over money . My husband was able to choose a school that focused on engineering and he loved the projects he had in high school . I am not sure that this is true in all cases . I went to a very small public high school and I felt like I had a lot of attention from my teachers , but once I entered UC Berkeley I was a bit overwhelmed by the auditorium sized classes . So I do think that smaller class sizes are better and on average private schools do have smaller classes than public schools . This is probably true for the most part because private schools generally have more funding per student than large public schools . I remember that my science lab in high school was quite dilapidated and consisted of a few tables and sinks . I did tour a private high school once and they had the most beautiful art room and labs and I was awfully jealous . After my husband made his points , I am not totally counting out private schools for my offspring now . The frugal part of me still is not completely convinced that it is worth spending over a hundred thousand dollars for private high schools . When it gets to the college level many state universities can be just as competitive as private institutions . I think ultimately it is up to our future children to excel in their own manner . If they are excellent students they will be able to get scholarships , and if they wanted to they can flourish in a public school . On the other hand , if they do not care about succeeding then it does not matter how much money I spend on them . Wise Bread readers , do you think that private schools give you an edge ? Are they really worth the money if you had to pay full price ? As some background , I attended private parochial schools through eighth grade , a small public high school and a small private college . I think private schools are worthwhile for children . The biggest reason is that no one tends to get " lost in the shuffle . " Public schools have fewer resources , normally , and that lends itself to educating to the middle of the group . Those that lag behind get left and those that excel get bored . Private schools are better able to give individual attention to all levels during the education process . Actually , it is quite false that private schools , on average , spend more per pupil than public schools . However , a large chunk of public school per - pupil spending goes for meeting the needs of special needs students ( disability , ESL students , etc . ) , whom the public schools are legally obligated to accommodate . Another chunk goes toward the necessarily larger administrative overhead ; whether it 's 10 elementary schools or 100 to coordinate , it 's going to cost more . Finally , I believe public school teacher salaries are actually higher on average than private schools . So it 's really an apples - to - oranges comparison . The " all comers " aspect of the public schools makes it difficult to compare outcomes . There couldn 't be a worse selection bias if you tried ! There is evidence , though , that when you control for socioeconomic factors , private school students perform the same or in some cases worse than matched public - school counterparts . That said , the answer to your question is surely " it depends . " On where you live : there are places , for example , with both a reasonable cost of living and very decent public schools . Places where the public schools a mediocre but there aren 't better private alternatives . Places where the motivated parent can get their child into a specialized public education setting for free , such as a magnet or charter school . On your kids : are they academically inclined ? do they have special needs ? what setting are they socially most comfortable in ? I would really like to know where this person has recieved there information from ? I myself went to a Catholic private school up to 10th . grade when my parents swithed me to public school . I was so far ahead when I was in private school I had enough points to graduate in 10th grade public school ? ? Also 70 % was passing in private school verses 60 % passing in public school . Plus I had maybe 1 study hall in private school verses back to back study halls in public school . Plus Home schooled children tend to have HIGHER SAT scores than those in public school . I 'm just talking from first hand knowledge . I live in the Northeast , which should become relevant in a minute . I attended a Catholic grammar school and the local public high school . I think it all depends on the child . In terms of higher education what you need is a big fish in a big pond ( ultimately , if you can get it ) . Colleges and Universities are looking for diversity and those students who stood out among their peers . Now , this can be accomplished in a variety of ways , get them Irish Step Dancing and have them win Worlds , colleges will accept them . But , academically , it 's harder to do . My Catholic school was fine . I did have one amazing teacher in the 7th and 8th grade who made everything related to English a breeze from then on because , if you 'll pardon my French , she kicked our arses and didn 't take any BS and she was a nun . At the time we thought she was Satan in a habit but since I 've learned to appreciate her and would call her one of my best teachers ever . After 8th grade ' graduation ' , many of my classmates went on to all female or all male Catholic high schools , a few to suburban public , and I went to the local , urban , not with the best reputation because I " m a rebel , public high school ( Lawrence High in Lawrence , MA for any of you familiar ) . I came out 3rd in my class ( I " m a total school slacker , I learn and retain easily therefore the effort necessary to make it to Valedictorian would have eaten into my social time , any tips on how to change this with my masters program are totally welcome . ) with the actual highest SAT score in my class ( loads of ESL students ) and was accepted to all colleges applied , with the exception of Bowdoin and Tufts , classmates ranked lower than I but of a more ethnic persuasion were accepted at both . ( Just for the record , that got me into UMass Amherst , Middlebury , Hamilton College , Tulane University , George Washington University and I think American University . ) Some would maybe make an argument that , yeah , I went to a subpar school and stood out , but how did I do in college ? ? Well , I went to Tulane , slacker mentality prevailed and I graduated with a 3 . 3 GPA , BA in Art History and plenty of time on my hands to party hardy at Mardi Gras . Since I 've pretty much slacked around for a while without direction and now I 'm going for my masters in education from UMass Boston and hope to teach in an urban high or middle school . See , the secret is these schools get LOADS of funding and loads of opportunities and my school , at least , was not plagued by the John Hughes syndrome ( nerds , geeks , jocks , slackers ) , we knew we were all sort of underdogs in the eyes of the surrounding community and we bonded together . If you were in more advanced classes than someone else they didn 't label you , they asked for help with their math homework . It was great . Now , Lawrence High had a program were you could spend a semester at Phillips Andover and I took advantage of this . I will admit it was fun to live there , the food was free and plentiful and yummy , and the classes were interesting ( we only took two I think , I took an acting class and Urban Studies which is why we were there , take the poor kids and see how they react , I 'm not kidding ) and we had to keep up with our work at LHS so our teachers came to visit once a week and we had no problems . My point is Andover has a place BUT the vast majority of people I met there and I think you can check this out , ended up at UMass . A large number of Andover grads do NOT end up at Harvard , Yale , Princeton , etc because those schools don 't want them . They want big fish and you 're basically competing with a bunch of people in the same boat as you , at best you 're a fish in a fishpond . And I am not disparaging UMass at all , I almost went there , but who spends $ 20k + on high school for a kid hoping he 'll get into the local , public , state University ? And , after all that , my point is , it 's all dependent on the child . If you have a smart kid who will do well and needs a bit of a challenge , I 'd send them public and not really worry about ' good ' districts . ( the ' good ' district by me has lost all funding for sports , all art and all music , although parents might be able to pay a fee because the override or tax hike or whatever failed . ) You can get an education anywhere and everywhere has good , dedicated teachers to help with this . There are also crap teachers everywhere . If your child needs extra attention or extra motivation , I 'd go private because that 's where they excel and the smaller class sizes would benefit . Students with a tougher time will not slip through the cracks as easily at smaller , private schools . That said , a student , if he or she wants to , can disappear in any setting . Should I have children , I will struggle with this question myself . My main points right now is that I am adamant that they will pay for their own college education ( most of it ) and I will not reinvent their room at home in college by hiring a decorator , etc . I think that 's stupid . Your husband makes some valid points - - and definitely items to consider , such as the cost of buying a home in a great school district vs . paying private school tuition , opportunity for specialized training , etc . Public charter schools and magnet schools can tilt the balance back toward public schools in some systems . There is a new magnet high school in my area offering specialized studies in biotechnology and computer engineering , for example . You may have seen this report on the Nations ( USA ) Schools : basically , kids at private schools do perform better than those at public schools ; but if you adjust for socio - economic factors , they perform about the same ( depending on the grade and type of private school , public schools outperform private schools ) . The message being that you shouldn 't make assumptions about what type of school is better but check out the schools , public and private in your area before making a decision . In my area , parents are often surprised that , when they switch from private to public schools , their children lag in academic performance . So I should mention that I , too , attended public schools from elementary school through college . REPLY One thing to remember here is that the public vs . private debate is not an all or nothing proposal . You don 't have to commit to either 13 years of one or 13 years of the other . I started kindergarten in a public school and stayed there until second grade , when we moved to a city that had bad public education . In fifth grade , we moved again , this time to a wealthy district , but one whose elementary education was only geared for the " lowest common denominator " . By seventh grade , I 'd reentered public education , and stayed there until the end of my undergrad studies . I think this is highly dependent on the child . I attended public school from elementary through high school , but went to a private college . I hated school , but loved college . My son has attended both public and private schools . I don 't necessarily believe that private schools offer a better education . The only difference is they push harder and move faster because the parents are paying for their kids to attend . I put my son in a private school because the public school we were in was horrible . He wasn 't learning anything . He was bored , unchallenged , plus he needed help fitting in socially and the school district was unwilling to offer him services based on his academics . I thought putting him in a private school would offer him a better education , with smaller class sizes , and I would see some positive benefits . It was the worst decision I ever made . My ten year old nearly had an emotional breakdown by the end of the year due to the massive amounts of work , the emphasis on written work , the fact that he didn 't fit in , and by the end of the year he was so burned out , that I felt guilty for even trying this experiment . We moved to a different school district , and he is back in public school . He is receiving the help he needed socially . The work is still unchallenging for him , most of it is a repeat of what he learned last year , but he does well . I don 't think we need to worry about straight A 's in fifth grade . The school has clubs , and he is in a science club that he really enjoys . It is a much better school than the private school I sent him to last year that cost several thousand dollars . It may not be the BEST public school in my area , in fact it is rated as a failing school , but it is a good fit for my son . Before considering another private school , I 'd have to see some reason why the public school system couldn 't offer the same thing . My experience is that kids who have learning disabilities , ADHD , Asperger 's or other challenges do not do well in private schools . Most private schools look for kids who can do their work without extra motivation , basically , they look for the " good kids . " My son doesn 't fit that profile . He 's better off in a public school that offers him a certain amount of services for his learning disabilities and doesn 't push loads of work on him . In private school we were doing at least two hours of homework a night , and often more like four or five . Now , we seldom do more than two . Usually homework is done in about an hour . The only way I 'd put a child like my son back in a private school is if it was a school specifically for kids with learning difficulties . Otherwise , he can continue to attend the local public school , even if it might not be the best school , until college . Then he can decide if he wants to go to a public or private college . I liked my private college experience , but I did end up paying back a lot of loans . Not that I could afford it anyways - I wouldn 't choose private school for my kidlets if I had the money . My kids need to live in a real world - not a fabricated one of monied isolationists . They need to see other life situations - families not necessarily mirroring their own , how other kids with issues work through them , etc . I think my kids learn a great deal of empathy and support for their peers in the inclusive public school classrooms they are in . For example , my daughter ( soon to be 9 ) takes great pride in helping a learning challenged friend catch up to the lesson when she gets back from speech therapy twice a week . I can see some here would say - its not her responsibility , she should be in an environment where she only has to deal with ehr own needs - but to what end ? Complete self involvement ? It seems we have enough of those types in the world already . I went to both public and private school and in my case I did much better in the private school but I lived in NY city where there are many many different types of private schools , there weren 't choices for public schools other than specialized high schools when I was going to school . I went to a progressive school , which was a great fit for me . It wouldn 't be a great fit for every kid . I do agree that it does depend on the kid , some kids will do well where ever they go and others need a specific kind of environment to thrive . There isn 't an easy answer as I don 't think private school is always the answer especially if there isn 't much variety , yes the academics might be better but the pace , culture etc may not be right for your child or your family . I don 't think there is a right or wrong answer . The only major drawback to public school for me is the standardized testing and not so good teachers and / or schools may focus on " passing " the test as opposed to actually teaching . For me that is a concern . However , magnet or charter schools may not have the same requirement to test every year . Public Schools are at a disadvantage not because of money - Private schools usually make due with less - but because of philosophy . Public Schools emphasis on political correctness , diversity & making sure nothing ' damages ' a child 's self - esteem is misguided & leads to a de - emphasis on things academic . A simple example : whereas in most private schools ( forget uniforms for a minute ) , if a student came in inappropriately dressed , say just wearing a baseball cap , in most cases in public school , teachers wouldn 't even take note . They might even be afraid of a lawsuit . In private school , the student would be told to take it off & put it away . When you think of all the money spent on public education ( and I realize the mantra is give us more , more , more ) and the poorly educated students they turn out , it 's a bit mind - boggling ! Two problems : teachers ' union and bloated administration . Teacher 's unions understandably look out for their own interests , not the students . They wish for and really have no accountability . In most school districts , it 's impossible to fire blatantly incompetent teachers . In NYC , for instance , the really bad ones they segregate to what is commonly referred to as ' rubber rooms ' . There they don 't teach , they don 't do anything except maybe read the newspaper , and there they sit collecting salary , bene 's and finally retirement ! I 've often wondered why there isn 't a Parent 's Union looking out for theirs and their children 's best interest . The PTA doesn 't fulfill that role . And , if you look at where public schools spend their dollars , too little goes to the classroom . Public schools have overdone bureaucracies with layers upon layers of un - needed personnel , paid very well thank you . Private schools are far from perfect . I went to parochial schools through high school , and maybe it was my rebellious spirit , but I thought I had to go to college just to make up for what I missed . For my daughter - 8 years old - we have her in a private school , a very good one . She 's in second grade reading at a 6th grade or 7th grade level . No one bats an eyelash . With Math she 's only a grade ahead . I pay dearly - 10K a year ! And we live in a nice area where the public schools are good . I just figure that we 're ' front - loading ' the process , giving her a real head start and cultivating her love of learning . Maybe that will pay off , literally , when she gets to college age . Maybe ? I think it really depends . I 've been to a mix - - public through 9th grade , private boarding school for the rest of high school , public college , private graduate school . . . and the only place where I really felt that I was * educated * , out of all of them , was the private boarding school . The rest were about the same quality regardless of price , probably at least partially because we lived in a good neighborhood . Great discussion , and I learned a lot . When my parents brought me from China to Hawaii we couldn 't afford a private school , but from the sound of it I probably would not have survived in a private school since I did not know English at that time . In the public school I was able to be excused from English class and go to ESL class and quickly picked up English in about a year . Then in ninth grade I was accepted to a fairly fancy private school on full scholarship , but our family moved from Hawaii to California and I didn 't want to be away from my parents . So they rented an apartment in a good school district so I could attend the school . That seemed to be the most economic choice . Later in my junior year of high school they purchased a home in a town that 's seriously a block away from my high school , but happens to be over the county line and was valued a tens of thousands dollars cheaper than the house next door . My high school had a policy that said if you moved out of the district you can still be a continuing student as long as you maintain a B average . I really loved my high school and I don 't think I would have fit in in that beautiful private school . So I do appreciate going to public schools and never really experienced the other choice . My husband said his parents let him choose his own schools and I think that is what we will let our kids do . If they like the public school they see then that 's great . So why not go there ? I think that 's probably the most FRUGAL option anyway . Get your kids into honors programs and it 'll almost be like they 're in a private school . I went to public school from K - 12 and in college . Today , I 'm a true blue rocket scientist . Tell ME that public education doesn 't work . Go ahead . As long as YOU value education and instill that value in your children , they will get the most out of school that they can . There is a lot there , if you look for it . The teachers aren 't going to stuff knowledge into your head , but they 'll present it so you can take what you want from it . I am really struggling with this decision , but we are planning to send our son to public school . Don 't look at public and private as an either / or option because sometimes there are other options out there . In our school district , we have magnet schools and that is the option we have chosen . Parents are required to volunteer three hours a year ( which I would have done anyway ) and you can get a " private school " education on a public school dollar . I went to both public and private school . Private through 5th grade , and public thereafter . Private schools are better for self - motivated kids that already would excel in school anyways . I found I did better in public school due to diversity , and the fact that the competition was not as fierce for grades ( less stress for me ! ) . My brother , on the other hand , went private schools all the way . It was too stressful for him . He had to repeat the 10th grade . . . twice . Just a thought , but have you considered the impact of an educational environment beyond a child 's school years ? An advantage to at least consider : private schools , even in small towns , teach children to navigate challenging social waters with confidence . They also help students focus on admissions to top colleges where these skills become more valuable . Public school may do the same for many , but I was a shy kid from a working class background who lucked into a ( partial ) scholarship at a small private school school . My prep school tuition and college loans may have been painful at the time , but now I see they bought more than just a top notch education . They effortlessly opened up a social world that made my adult career goals not just possible , but expected . Six degrees of separation shrank to one or two . All thanks to private school . The class sized were extremely small . I had , on average in high school , a 7 or 8 to 1 student - teacher ratio . Imagine trying to daydream or pass notes with only 7 other kids in your class . Not going to happen . We learned how to shut the hell up . The fear of a ruler on the knuckles is enough to make you stay in your seat and pay attention to the lesson . No bullies . Seriously . No lunch money bandits , nobody pushing you around , smacking your books to the ground . Not even any real name calling . The overweight kids got picked last for kickball , but no one ever made fun of them for it . More parental involvement . I 've seen a bunch of studies that show that the more parents are involved in their kid 's education , the better they do . If a parent is dropping between 5 - 25k per year , you better believe they 're going to make sure they 're getting their money 's worth . Everyone else is right : if the kid has some kind of learning or emotional disorder that would require extra help , public schools are probably the way to go . But if the kid is at least an average student and would benefit from tougher academic competition and a stronger sense of community , then you can 't beat a private education , especially in the k - 8 years . We started my son in state preschool and switched to a private school because after being constantly guilted into volunteering in the classroom , I noticed too much regarding the kind of kids my kid was going to school with . I think the day the cop 's kid and the drug dealer 's kid was talking about ' my dad arrested your dad ' with expletives all around I decided you know , let 's make it through second grade before we deal with guns and meth and the F - word used like salt and pepper , shall we ? The switch has been great . There are 10 kids in my sons ' class . The teachers are ex - public school teachers who didn 't want to just record test scores anymore but wanted to actually teach and incorporate the arts . They also flat up don 't tolerate that sort of playground banter and behavioral issues . I went to both and preferred private . My husband did public and has no opinion on it but he too realized we wanted to do a bit of intervention and find a school that reflected our values better . Margaret Garcia - Couoh We started my son in state preschool and switched to a private school because after being constantly guilted into volunteering in the classroom , I noticed too much regarding the kind of kids my kid was going to school with . I think the day the cop 's kid and the drug dealer 's kid was talking about ' my dad arrested your dad ' with expletives all around I decided you know , let 's make it through second grade before we deal with guns and meth and the F - word used like salt and pepper , shall we ? The switch has been great . There are 10 kids in my sons ' class . The teachers are ex - public school teachers who didn 't want to just record test scores anymore but wanted to actually teach and incorporate the arts . They also flat up don 't tolerate that sort of playground banter and behavioral issues . I went to both and preferred private . My husband did public and has no opinion on it but he too realized we wanted to do a bit of intervention and find a school that reflected our values better . Margaret Garcia - Couoh Both of my sons go to a Christian school . My wife runs the kitchen , so we get a break on tuition . As a public high school drop out , I was adamant about putting our boys in private school . My wife on the other hand did fine in public schools . I tended to be lazy , and in public school there wasn 't anyone to push me . I would actually skip school to stay home and read . . . I wish my parents could have afforded private school for me , it took me an extra decade to get to the point in life I would have been if I had graduated . Both of my boys are extremely athletic , and will probably want to go to public high school where they can compete in sports . The only sports their school has is soccer and basketball . I attended private school from preK to 8th grade , then I attended public school for High School . Personally I found private school to be the best education I recieved . During High School I found myself unbelieveably bored and willing to do other student 's homework , which I did on many occassions . I found private school to be wonderful in the education realm but I am glad that I attended public school because of the access to many different social opportunities . The argument about it being dependant on the child is valid , however I am grateful that my mother forced the issue with private school when I was younger and then pursued the idea of public school later on . It was great to see both sides of education and social behavior . My husband and I debate this issue as well for our future children . I personally hope to expose them to both . In regards to " is it worth the money ? " who knows . I know plenty of individuals who attended public school their entire lives and took gifted classes and excelled in High School with Advanced Placement and Independant Study . I also know as many who achieved the same after attending Private School . If anything it could be viewed as an investment . Try it out for a year and if your child doesn 't like it then public school it is . for 8 years , then public work - school type high school ( very unique for its time , junior / senior years , you went year - round , work 2 weeks , school 2 weeks , had to keep high grade average ) , then on to Wright State University in Dayton , OH . You 've really hit a nerve with me with this column . I personally hate the snotty attitude most roman catholics have about their parochial school educations and how they love to badmouth the public schools when in most cases they don 't have a clue what it 's like to leave their little smalltown german / irish catholic neighborhoods their whole lives . I know whereof I speak ; I was catholic for 30 years . Dayton , OH , is a catholic town like many in the U . S . In my 7th and 8th grade years in particular back in the late 60s and early 70s , there were almost no nuns teaching in my parochial school anyway . In my school , they were replaced by an extremely unhappy Latin American guy who hated North Americans , an ex - military officer who 'd wear his uniform daily and was very much out of place , and an unhappy young black woman into black power ( and all white kids sitting in front of her ) . So much for a catholic education . I was only 1 of 8 kids who did not attend the local catholic high school , and I COULD NOT WAIT to be away from the catholic education system and everything to do with it , and I have never regretted it . I seriously , seriously doubt that its system has changed a whit . My niece absolutely hated the abovementioned catholic high school and lasted a month there . Again , the snotty attitudes prevail . Bravo for homeschooling in particular , bravo for alternative schools and for trade - type schools . When I was growing up , kids got sent to private school when they were screwing up academically , and likely to not get into college . It was like the opposite of " dropping out " - like " pulled in " . ( The ones without money just dropped out . ) My family was public school all the way , as were my sibs . I was a slacker and went to Cal like the original poster , and now read blogs at work while I try to code . My brother is now a physicist for UC . My sister is a teacher . On the other hand , I 'm Asian . If I were Latino or Black , I 'd consider private school . The publics seem to allow some minorities to try less hard . . . . are really advantages . For instance , I opposed standardized testing - and I still do , if it 's the only form of evaluation . But because of the testing , our public middle school arranged the schedule so kids would have an extra math or English class each day . And they really focus on giving the kids good study skills as well as good test - taking skills . And having to accomodate all types of kids also worked well for my daughter . It 's called " differentiated learning , " and it means that instead of lecturing at kids you present the material in a variety of different ways . I pulled my younger daughter out of Catholic school in fifth grade , because she wasn 't doing well , and put her in public school . I saw an immediate difference : She was happier and more enthusiastic about learning , and her grades skyrocketed . I kept my older daughter in the parochial school , where the kids sat in their seats all day and listened to the teachers lecture them , often using lesson plans that were older than the students . She hated school , and I hated the huge amounts of homework they loaded on the kids ( so the parents could feel they were getting their money 's worth ) . Not only was the Catholic school academically inferior , it was worse in other ways as well : The teachers yelled at the kids and some were verbally abusive , they played favorites , and bullying was common and often tolerated . I really regret not moving my older daughter to public school earlier . Now she is thriving in a public high school where over 95 percent of the students go on to college , some to very good schools . A lot does depend on the individual schools , but I really think a good public school - not even necessarily a magnet or charter school - has a lot to offer . I 'd check that option out first before shelling out for private school . Save the money for a good college instead . That 's what I 'm doing . As personal background , I went to public school through high school , and now I 'm about to graduate from a private college ( Baylor ) with a chemistry degree . My parents considered putting me in private school about 5th grade - we visited a couple - but I wasn 't really interesteded . All the private school kids I knew were snotty . Which is what I expected when I came to Baylor , but I fell in love with the school , and the people . I had an excellent education , but I was a pretty self motivated kid . I was reading Ten Thousand Leagues under the Sea in 2nd grade . Seriously , it was ridiculous . In high school , I had some classes with 10 , 12 , or even 4 people in them . But I was at the top of my class . Those class sizes were because no one else wanted to take them . . . : ) I find it interesting how many contradictions are in the comments . Some people say that smart , self motivated kids will do just as well in either place , some say those are the ones you want to private school . Some say that the kids who are struggling should be sent to private schools . Some say that kids with learning disabilities need the extra money at public schools , some that they wiill do better in private schools . There are no bullies at private schools , there are more than at public schools . You get the idea . Anyway , I think I 'll send my kids to public schools , unless there are problems there . Or unless they want to go to private school and / or win a scholarship . In Texas , there 's a rule that if you 're in the top 10 % of your high school class , you can go to any state school you want ( and A & M is pretty darn selective , believe it or not ) . Obviously , there 's some controversy over this . . . . My children will consistently have high - quality teachers ( I know not all are amazing , but I think a greater percentage are ) , a challenging curriculum , and a well - maintained campus with well - equipped classrooms and facilities . While I know that they will almost inevitably be exposed to drugs , it is much less likely that they will be exposed to gangs and gang violence ( I live in Los Angeles ) . They will be in an environment where academic achievement is respected and admission to the country 's top colleges for a good portion of each graduating class is expected . A smaller student body will give my children a greater chance to form relationships with friends and faculty and to find a niche they are comfortable in and hopefully a place to excel . I know that I was better off , socially , at my private schools than at my public schools . I attended a private college for undergrad , and a state instution for grad school . I finished school without loans , because I was a scholarship kid . ( I was probably assisted in getting that scholarship by the excellent education I received at my college - prep private high school ) . What you are forgetting is the third choice . Home education . So many people are heading in this direction now . With home school groups in just about every town in America and curriculum aids of all kinds , there really is no better way to go . Home education is the best bang for your buck . The best education without the heavy bill of a private school . Both parents can pitch in their own personal strong points in the education while enjoying the time with their child . No more trying to find time to spend with the child . Living in the right district is no issue or even living close to a private school . The curriculum is soley your choice . The class can be no smaller . And children do not need equipment , they need books and life . And as far as the myth of " what about social life " goes , that is a non - issue . I can tell a home educated child from a mile away by the interaction they are able to have with adults . How many governement - educated children really , and I mean really , have conversations with adults . Shouldn 't that be what you are preparing your children for is life in the adult world . I know many women who go this homeschool route . Some are great - they 've made a choice based on their child 's needs or their religious preferences . Hats off to them who are doing it the right way . You 've never seen a public school kid who can talk to adults ? Really ? My public school educated kid can talk to adults with ease . But she can also talk to children her age . I can tell a home schooled kid a mile away too . They are often routinely the kids who struggle in social settings with peers . I watch them unable to handle our neighborhood swim team b / c they can 't relate to kids in their age group , unable to play structured games in the cul de sac we live on . They have less friends , less of a gasp on modern culture . Maybe you think all of that is wonderful but the real world is made up of lots of kinds of people . If you don 't allow your child safe , healthy expose to the rest of the world , you overload them when they are unleashed on it . Again many parents are doing an excellent but some of them aren 't . Classic example - my friend C barely got through HS and is home schooling her son now . She has no training , doesn 't think she needs any and what she calls an education is basically her normal day . I attended parochial schools K - 12 . In 8th grade at the local Catholic school , I decided not to be confirmed and that I vehemently disagree with much of the religious doctrine . So , I resented attending 4 more years of religion class . I also wished for more fun electives , and begged to go to public school so I could take shop class or auto repair alongside my AP courses . I didn 't realize what a tremendous gift my parents had given me until I went to a public college . I loved the warm and engaging people I met at my university , but was extremely disappointed in the academic level of my peers . I had been writing 6 + page papers as a HS freshman , and up to 20 pages as a senior in AP English . In my college freshman Honors English course , we were challenged to write less than half what I had done in HS . The grammar and diction in the papers I peer - edited were substandard ; I , in turn , gained little from my peer editors . In my non - Honors courses , some of my classmates wrote so poorly that I wondered how they were ever admitted to college ! It was hard to find the push I needed to really develop further in college , when the starting point for the class was much lower than my HS courses were . I know I 'm an academic elitist , and most people would shame me for such behavior . I feel compassion for bright students who care but don 't have access to better teachers . However , it only makes sense to compete with those at or near your own level . Few would fault a pro athlete for declining to play in a pick - up game . ( FWIW , I 'm a crappy athlete ) My husband and I are desperately trying to make the best decision possible for our two children in middle school . We both went to public schools all the way through with with one exception . I attended an all women catholic college for 2 years . Our public education was terrible . Including graduate school and law school , I did my absolute best work ever during the 2 years in private college . Both my children have been in private school all the way through 6th / 7th grade . We tried our local public school for my daughters ' 1st grade and knew it wouldn 't challenge her enough . We have 2 gifted kids , one with a bit of ADD . We have found private school to be worth it for the class size , quality teachers and curriculum up until now . Lately we 've been asking ourselves whether the benefits are worth the lack of economic diversity , ( there is a great amount of racial diversity ) , the 25K ( each ) investment , and the commute . We are also more concerned about the fish in a fish pond problem but we can 't seem to find a lot of data to show whether there is a benefit either way . We know they will need to stand out but it seems like they will need that in private school even more so . If I were in college admissions , I would expect a lot more of a kid with the silver spoon and no real life struggles . But I 'm not sure if this really plays out in reality . And we actually want our kids to struggle and come to appreciate the wide variety of people and life circumstances they will encounter with a public education . We 're just concerned about the actual academic education ! We have been leaning toward public for high school and after reading these comments I am feeling even more confident about public . This is based on the content but surprisingly it 's also because of the quality of writing coming from people advocating public over private . I went to a great public school system and we live now in a great area so we are content with public schools but we have looked around for private ones . However one reason we stay with public schools is the added support for children who learn differently or slower . Our daughter has an IQ on the high side of normal but has a what they call a ' silent learning disability ' because it doesn 't show up on any one testing tool but more of a collectively slow executive processing problems . Which is just gibberish for she 's bright but just needs to go over things more to really learn them and have some extra time in testing to show what she really knows . Private schools can offer small classes but they routinely do not offer extra support in terms of helping kids like mine . In a public school , she gets accommodations and support that have her on the honor roll . We 've looked at private schools and they all are very clear that they keep children on pace more and it is harder for them to fall behind with the extra attention but if it is a learning issue , they are really out of luck . I have to agree with the poster above . I know a few families that homeschool . One is a crazy rightwing witch . Yes , there are plenty of decent Republicans . But this one is one of those nutty racist flat earth types who practically spits with rage whenever she opens her mouth . It would be nice for children to be raised in an environment that 's a little less , uh , angry . It might do her kids good to hear that somebody else could actually feel differently than Mother . I 'm sure the kids look cute arguing for the Gold Standard and the flat tax , but they are like little pissed off robots . Another is a sweet but wifty liberal mom . She would never pressure her precious snowflakes to do anything - - she " unschools " them . The kids are delightful and charming . The teenage boy loves woodworking , which he basically figured out for himself . Reading , however , he has not figured out . At age 15 . He probably has a learning disability . But there was never a reading expert who observed him and helped to correct him at a time of life when his young brain was being formed . But now , it could be too late . And even if it isn 't , there 's nothing going on in that home that would encourage him to take up an activity that requires self - discipline like learning how to read . I am a public school teacher , and I would probably put my kids in private school . I do feel the teachers in public schools are generally better . They are required to complete more education and are provided with ( almost too much ) extra staff development . However , the behavior of the students is horrible . There is a lack of respect for the teachers , the school , and for education in general . And since children are required by law to attend school , there is little that can be done about it . Students are given detentions . They don 't attend . Then they are assigned a Saturday School . They don 't attend . It would be easy to say , well go to the next step and suspend the students , and then if that doesn 't work expel them . But there are so many students that don 't follow the consequences , that it is impossible to do this . As a parent , I would be more worried that my kids are around that kind of attitude so much of the day . Plus , students simply don 't do the work . I will give an assignment and most of the time over half of the class won 't complete it . Forget about homework . It 's impossible to have class discussions about anything because only three or four students will have know what is going on . I give failing grades , but they don 't care . And neither do their parents . I can 't get some of these parents on the phone to save my life ! Or I call to tell them about their child 's failing grade and they say , " Okay , thank you . I will talk to him / her , " but nothing ever changes . When I hear the media talking about our failing schools , I want to scream ! It 's the parents of these kids who are failing . I 'm doing my job as best I can . I can 't physically make a child read or write . Private schools have the option of booting the kids who do nothing . And parents have an extra incentive to make sure their child is doing the work because they are paying for it . I think public schools should fine parents for their children 's poor behavior and lack of effort . Our tax dollars pay for the desk , books , and supplies these student are wasting . Let the parents pay for it if all it is is childcare . Amen , sister ! You really know what is going on ! Parents who sit back and do nothing are the cause of failing public schools . Teachers is public are generally good . They really do care , but you can 't find the overwhelming odds that some kids face at home . You can take the student to the water , but you can 't make them drink . Ok , see your point , but . . . . . since I 've got children ranging from 3 to 24 , I feel like I have some experience in this issue . For Nashville , TN the choice is ambiguous at best . We have some great private schools , and then there are some really bad ones as of late . The graduates of one private school here score poorly compared to public schools in a nearby county . And teaching techniques have evolved greatly in the last 18 years that I have physically participated . Furthermore , some private schools weed out illegal immigrants just because of accessibility alone , so there is less drag on the over all performance of that school . So , bottom line is where do you live ? Sounds like you need to live in a rich area , like Brentwood , and attend public school with every other child ( that can afford to live there . ) I have been solely educated by public schools and I feel that I have a major disadvantage as compared to those who were educated in the private school system . For one , I don 't earn all that much money relative to my great number of years of schooling and there has been no networking for me despite this being the way most jobs are gotten these days . Plus , public schools are just like the public sector - - let 's see how cheaply we can do everything ! If you want a chance at a decent existence and some luxuries in life , go for private schooling . If you want to attend lower class schools without a hint of opulence , no one to network with , and a lower middle class existence , do what I did . Trust me ! Private schools have no accountability for doing the " right " things . When you land in a corrupt private school with the best intentions for your child and find out they will only promote their high donating kiss ass families you will suffer dearly . Your might have top students even in a private environment and your child may still be treated at the lowest levels . Best to take a for sure risk our Public school system . By the way Public schools have much more to offer for a well rounded student anyway . I have been reading the post and find it interesting that security in the public schools were not mentioned . I have a 5 year old that is in private K and will be going to private school in Sept . I live in NJ and the public school i am zoned to is about 100 years old and has below state test scores . I was willing to at least give the school a try and go in and look around since the private school we are sending our daughter to is very expensive 21k . When i walked into the public school at 9 : 00 a young girl about 10 was at the door and told me where the main office was . There were kids sitting on the stairs and walking around the hallways . The main office was cluttered with piles of papers and very disorganized . I walked out and decided right there i was not sending my daughter there . She is very bright and has been reading since 18 months . She needed a school that would challenge her . I am not Catholic , but my husband and I registered her in the local Catholic school just in case she didn 't get into P school . We felt secure leaving her there since the doors are kept locked and the staff is on top of the students . I don 't know if she would have gotten a better education in public or Catholic school but we just learned she was excepted in the private school we wanted . For 21k a year she will get a 7 : 1 teacher ratio , teachers with masters and special certifications in their fields . The school is set up like a college . i had my doubts sending her to such an expensive school , but my peace of mind that she will be in a safe place with kids who are academically on or close to her level is what i needed . Children who are gifted have no resources in the public schools because they usually are only gifted in a few areas and may lag behind in others . They are special needs children too with no place to go , but private school . I don 't know how this will work out , but i feel good that i am giving my daughter the best environment for her learning potential that i can . My husband and i were planning to move , but with the housing maREPLY I went to Catholic / private lower / middle / high school and public college . The difference was mind - blowing for me . I have a son now so I 'm concerned with this debate now more than ever . I just don 't think you can put a price on the networking and exposure aspects that a private school can offer . My wife is a NYC public school teacher and she sees what normally goes on in your run - of - the - mill NYC public school . The very best kids usually end up bored , the struggling kids get left behind , and the middle of the pack kids just get by . One thing that concerns me is the cost . While I find the tuition to be really pricey , what bothers me more is that they just set their prices based upon WHAT ? The fact that rival schools charge that much ? Their operating costs ? Their locations ? Their payroll ? How can every school in Manhattan and Brooklyn be $ 28 , 000 - $ 32 , 000 ? I feel that they just make their costs the same as the other schools , just so they aren 't perceived as being cheap or less prestigious , not because it actually costs that student that much for the education . I went to public school from kindergarten - 7th grade . Then because I had ADHD my parents were able to let me go to private school for free because of a grant . I didn 't like it , but that 's because back then I didn 't like school period and I wasn 't a christian . I did a little more research into the differences between public and private schools and found out some interesting facts . I even taught at a private school once ( it was a baptist one though . . . ) Public schools are terrible because of gangs , drugs , there 's a lot of bad kids that go there and do bad things . I would not want my child growing up to be a hoodlum with a baby at sixteen which is why I would not expose my child to that kind of chaos and depravity . Plus public school classes are much too large and a child can 't get the individual attention that they need . Not in the least way do I take any sort of prejudice against Christians , but I have found that christian private schools aren 't much better than public schools . In a sense it 's as though they " zap " the child 's creativity by binding them to an impossibly strict set of rules . And I think it 's better to not force a religion on a child as they will grow up to dislike it , in most cases . The best schools I have found are non - religious based private schools . They strive for their students to receive the best academic standards , classes are small , they aren 't around so much drugs and violence like the public schools . I am certainly not wealthy , but I believe that private school is worth every penny . After all , we should all strive for better education for ourselves and our children . We tried all three options ; private , public and homeschool . Homeschool wins hands down . Flexible , as expensive or inexpensive as you want it to be , total freedom to pursue different methods and special interests , week long field trips / vacations in the uncrowded seasons , and a great community of like minded people to share expertise and equipment . Read " How to Home School " by Gayle Graham or " The Right Choice " by Chris Klicka before dismissing this as an option . Went to public school in San Francisco from K - 8th grade . The middle school I attended was a JOKE . I started hanging around with the wrong crowd , cutting classes and failing all my classes . My parents didn 't even find out I was cutting classes until half the school year was over . When they found out they enrolled me in a private catholic school , which I attended from 9th to 12th grade . The experience changed my life and I vowed that if I ever had children I would NEVER send them to public school . I agree with comment from the public school teacher that the majority of kids in public school ( especially in urban communities such as SF ) are unruly and disrespectful . I now have 3 children ages 10 to 19 . They are all in private school from the time they were in kinder . Yes , it is expensive , especially in SF , but I consider it an investment in their future . The teahcers from private school don 't take crap from the kids . I agree with another parent who commented that there were no bullies , no fighting , no name calling or teasing . Of course there 's a small number of rebellious students , but they are usually put in their place fast . Disrespect is never tolerated in private school . The consequences for bad behavior or poor academics - you get kicked out . There 's no time for nonsense in private school . Unlike public school , where kids are talking back to teachers or behaving badly . Kids who act up in private school get expelled and get thrown into public school . I disagree with one parent who thinks that private school kids are not living in the " real world " because they are not dealing with real life issues . The high school my kids attend has a 100 hour committment from each student that requires them to do volunteer work directly related to the Sick , aged , homeless and disabled . My oldest son , even after he graduated , volunteers at the homeless shelter and food banks . Public schools don 't have this requirement and alot of kids never even exposed to that experience . I 'm not saying that all public schools are bad , but in SF , the public school system is disappointing . My son 's friend in 8th grade who attended private school and barely passed with a D average - now goes to the local public high school and now takes honors English class . What does that tell you about the school system . I would never trust my kids education to the public school system in SF . My oldest son begged us to send him to public school in 9th grade , we flat out refused and told him it was for his own good and he 'd thank us later . He graduated last year and did thank us for it . He now attended a small private university . I realize I 'm a johnny - come - two - years - late to this discussion , but I think the points raised are even more relevant today than they were two years ago . Interestingly enough , our current economic downturn has made private schools an attractive option for a lot of families . State budget - tightening means that public schools are cutting back even more on what they offer . Too often this results in an increase in class size and reduction of classes , subjects and services . Many parents - who previously may have never even considered private education - are investigating whether private schools could work for their families because they are not willing to compromise their child 's education and future . i 'm looking into boarding schools as a possible last 2 years of high school for me , and most everything i 've read seems to me like its worth it . all my life up to 10th grade i 've been in the public system . . . and sadly im just not challenged . it really bothers me that i have to , im not sure how to say this , uhm , tone down my learing attitude ? well my usual class size can range from 20 - 30 kids per class and im not with equal minded kids who WANT to learn . I 've brought it up to my parents before but they say it isnt worth the cost to them . i have a sizable dowry to pay for my education , but my parents dont want to spend it on boarding school , they say the payoff isnt worth it . the way i see it though is , if i can get financial aid for the boarding school than i should have at least a little left , and with the experience yadda yadda knowledge , etc i expect to get at a boarding school than that should lend me to a better scholarship than if i just went public the whole way and not have too many loans to worry about in the future . . . . at least thats what i hope will happen . i know that simply attending some prestigous school wont gurantee me a free ride , but i think its worth the risk . my parents are , ironically enough , pressuring me to pursue the arts , which doesnt pay very well in my eyes , and i want to be more than just some no name penniless artist working painting to painting . it really is ironic . as a student wanting to attend a private boarding school do you all have any ideas to really getting my parents to understand why i want to do this ? although my older brother got kicked out of a local private school , so they may have more convictions than the average parent . . . . . Wow ! What a great forum ! I think as moms we are constantly searching for the best for our children . A lot of people associate better with money . Unfortunately it is impossible to compare public to private , because there are so many different types of private and public schools . I attended parochial schools from 1st to 12th grade . It was very much a " bubble " , but I 'd say it was a good experience in grammar school , not necessarily in high school though . My father had 8 children , six of whom were girls , so Catholic schools were the only option in his eyes . I will say that we went to the " lower income " catholic school , not the elite schools , so there was never any " holier than though " attitude from students . We were taught social justice and became one big family in grade school . In high school I was envious of a few friends who left the Catholic school to attend charter high schools . There was so much more opportunity at some of the public high schools in the arts , drama , etc . I feel like I missed out on a lot due to lack of programs at my catholic high school . My eldest son is attending his 4th year in public school in the fall . It is so close to home that we walk to school . It is very easy for me to be involved due to proximity . I will say this though , when looking for schools , go backward . Pick the high school first , then find the path to get them there . Sounds odd but I 've slowly discovered this in the past few years . In Australia - private schools are * * * * . I am a boarder as well , so my parents pay like $ 40 , 000 + per year and I am regretting the education here now . I used to enjoy the extra co - curricular , but now as I approach my university - entrance exams , I find private schools much worse academically than the selective schools . If I had to re - do , I would only enter private schools on the basis of scholarships or for other merits than academic . I would also not choose Australia to be a boarder . I 'd probably go to the US or UK . Worse comes to worse , an international school . My background : I went to a Catholic school K - 8 and then a public HS even though I had wanted to go to a Catholic HS . My parents , solidly working class with 5 kids said that they had specifically moved to that neighborhood on Long Island because of the public school system . I got a fantastic education from K - 8 and did they drill us on correct grammar ! I got a wonderful education in HS with many teachers caring about me and my future . Some crucial points though : my HS had only 850 children . I graduated number 10 without much effort , and playing 2 sports a year . Got into an Ivy League college . Now we have four kids , one of whom has ADHD , and we are trying to make the decision about whether or not to invest in private HS for them , which , all in , would cost us close to 200k for all of them . We will certainly have to be very frugal to make this work . Not to mention having very little saved for their college . The public school here is ' good ' but huge with 2000 kids . This concerns me . How could a teacher possibly care about my child and his future ? How could they have the time ? According to my daughter , who attends the public secondary school that feeds into the public HS , there is a lot of disrespect toward teachers , and a lot of teachers who won 't ( can 't ? ) stop such behavior . She says she often does the work on her own because the class is disruptive . She is in honors classes . She often comes home and looks on google to understand an algebra concept and I ask her , " can 't you stay after class and ask the teacher to explain it more ? " and her reply is , " we are not allowed , there is only enough time to get to your next class . " Your husband might be right about some public schools not having labs as nice as those in private schools , but I don 't think that 's true of public schools in Northern Virginia ! Our two children were lucky enough to have excellent teachers and wonderful facilities ( including excellent science labs ) throughout their 13 years of public education . In fact my son had 14 years of public education , because he had a disability that qualified him for special ed preschool . He also had speech therapy , physical therapy or an adapted PE curriculum , and either a classroom aide or a personal assistant from preschool through the middle of tenth grade ! No private school we visited ( and we checked out several ) could offer that level of support . Both of my children also attended public universities - - the University of Virginia in my daughter 's case , the University of Maryland College Park in my son 's . My daughter liked UVA so much that she returned and earned her law degree there ! Neither one of them got " lost in the shuffle . " I am currently a Senior in a Catholic High School . . . but went to public school every year up until 9th grade . In my experience the public schoolwork seemed to be much harder than the catholic / private school . I also only get maybe 15min to about an hour or so MOST nights , while my public school friends end up having maybe one hour to three hours . I felt like my school had much better funding overall for programs , classes , and nearly everything else . My school is fairly big on sports and theatre too , so nearly every area a child would be interested would be covered . My friends who didn 't go to my school often complained about how something wasn 't funded properly , or that the school needed to get something better than whatever it had . While funding and stuff like that kind of made the tuition kind of acceptable for me after 9th grade , what I found the best reason for me to go to Catholic High Schools was the environment ( again , this is specific to my school most likely ) . While in my public school district we did have many talented students , their was a fairly large population of students who seemed like they were in school only because it was required , and didn 't care about anything that had to do with school . They had little to no plans for college , and many sat down to take the SAT ( Public HS was the test center nearest to me and my HS wasn 't one ) but I could see that they didn 't care . Many simply stared out the window . In my Catholic HS , it seemed like the student population was mostly the upper tier athletes , academically gifted students , or great artists and singers . Most of my friends in the football and basketball teams were very smart , and managed to maintain overall averages of over 90 , with at least five of the athletes having maybe 95 + . I say this only because I used to think that athletes were really jocks who weren 't the brightest and got by on their athleticism . Of course not everybody was a shining star , but there must have been a very little amount of students who seemed borderline pass / fail . I would maybe hear mention of a troublesome kid once or twice a year , and everybody was fairly focused on their studies or the programs they were involved in . Guidance counselors were extremely helpful ( In my cousins public HS in NJ , his GC barely helped with the little things , so my GC ended up giving me info I passed on to him ) , colleges were more inclined to come to our school and meet with the students and offer help if we had / have any questions . We had a great library and a whole wired / connected computer system schoolwide ( it sound impressive but some of the features the school had were fairly amazing and extremely useful . . . these were features I knew the public HS didn 't have . ) In the Private school I had a better friends circle I guess , and the fact that classmates weren 't made up of students who seemed like complete idiots kind of brushed off good habits for me . Students worked hard in school , and had priorities in order . Students also seemed much nicer from my perspective , although in public school I never had a problem of not getting along with anyone , but I would see my friends being mean to other kids , or having unofficial gangs in a way . In the Catholic school though even the " gangsters " , jocks , theater , geeks , emo kids were nice to each other . You could walk up to a seemingly stupid football player and have an intelligent conversation , and nerds could talk to the most beautiful girl in school and become friends easily . People weren 't discriminated against and were generally more accepting . In terms of private / public university I don 't know how much it would matter , but I am still appying to colleges ( both public and private ) . I 'm not choosing a college on whether or not it is private or not , but private colleges do seem much more expensive . Public Universities are still great , and in many respects better than private colleges . SUNY and CUNY schools are amazing and incredibly cheap . In California the UC schools like UCLA and the like are amazing as well . I 'm sure others are as well but those were the main colleges I looked into , along with a couple private schools . I know this is an old post but I figured as a current senior college student , I can give my take . It all depends on where you grew up . I grew up in a really small farming community and there was only one high school . The closest private high school was about 30 minutes away and my parents were not going to drive me every morning . My high school was horrible . At the time I didn 't think about it , but it was . The average ACT score was 20 . 6 for my class and I had a 31 . I was so bored at that school , but it did get a little better when I took night classes at the local community college . I am currently going to a private college where the work is really hard ( they are ranked in the top 30 in the USA ) . When I stepped foot into my first chemistry lab , it was like I was in another world ! ! ! I had no idea what was going on . And my first chemistry lab report was one of the hardest assignments of my life . But i was in the minority . I remember asking my roommate if I could see his lab report , and he banged out 9 pages in one day ! I was shocked ! He told me that he already did it in high school and it was very easy for him . I would say about 80 % of students didn 't struggle . Yes , eventually , I caught up to speed but there are just fundamentals that other students knew that I was never taught in high school . I tell my parents to have my younger brother who is currently in high school , to take summer classes at a nearby college . On the other hand , my girlfriend grew up in a big city . She went to a public high school that was ranked in the top ten in the state . Then she moved and her last two years was at a private school . Last summer , I was helping her packed up her stuff when I saw several notebooks . I opened them up and saw all they were chemistry lab notes from her private high school . They were exactly the same format and depth as intro college chemistry ! She told me her teacher in high school used to be a professor and that a lot of the teachers there have masters or phd 's . So if you value your kids education and future , tryREPLY From my experience with switching from public to private to public ( as I attended private only for a few years in high school ) , not all schools are created equal . Not that my local public school was bad ( considering that I lived in Bloomfield Hills , MI . . . a pretty rich area in these parts ) , but the nearby private school I attended was light - years ahead . Heck , I was reading Milton in my Sophomore year in private high school . Is Private better than Public ? Not sure , as those are pretty broad terms . But , Ill tell you . . . nothing beats a top private school education in terms of kicking your a @@ every night , especially if you want your kids to be spending school breaks reading from the likes of Homer , Beckett and Chaucer . Is that type of education right for every student ? Probably not . Will it transform your kid into a successful well - adjusted human being ? Not sure .
|
Home » Career and Income » Education & Training » Are Private Schools Worth the Money They Demand ? Are Private Schools Worth the Money They Demand ? By Xin Lu on 30 January 2008 I admit it , I am a product of public schools from pre - school through college and I am quite proud of it . By going to public schools I helped my parents save a king 's ransom and going to a public college is a big reason why I ended up with no loans and a good amount of savings . I married a man who loved his sixteen plus years of private education but it is hard for me to fathom how much money his parents had to spend over those years . One day we had a discussion about having kids and he said we would have to send them to private school , and I said I did not think it was worth the money because I got an excellent education in public schools . So he argued his case for private schools and I will list some of his points here . Generally families are assigned to public school districts by the location of their home . This creates expensive real estate in the towns that are supposed to have a good public school district . It is probably cheaper to pay for a private school for a few years than to pay for an extremely high mortgage in an expensive area with a good public school . For schools to be accredited they do have to have an approved core curriculum , but private schools can teach additional things like religion or design specialty programs that focus on math and science . Many people choose private schools for religious reasons and it is understandable to choose belief over money . My husband was able to choose a school that focused on engineering and he loved the projects he had in high school . I am not sure that this is true in all cases . I went to a very small public high school and I felt like I had a lot of attention from my teachers , but once I entered UC Berkeley I was a bit overwhelmed by the auditorium sized classes . So I do think that smaller class sizes are better and on average private schools do have smaller classes than public schools . This is probably true for the most part because private schools generally have more funding per student than large public schools . I remember that my science lab in high school was quite dilapidated and consisted of a few tables and sinks . I did tour a private high school once and they had the most beautiful art room and labs and I was awfully jealous . After my husband made his points , I am not totally counting out private schools for my offspring now . The frugal part of me still is not completely convinced that it is worth spending over a hundred thousand dollars for private high schools . When it gets to the college level many state universities can be just as competitive as private institutions . I think ultimately it is up to our future children to excel in their own manner . If they are excellent students they will be able to get scholarships , and if they wanted to they can flourish in a public school . On the other hand , if they do not care about succeeding then it does not matter how much money I spend on them . Wise Bread readers , do you think that private schools give you an edge ? Are they really worth the money if you had to pay full price ? As some background , I attended private parochial schools through eighth grade , a small public high school and a small private college . I think private schools are worthwhile for children . The biggest reason is that no one tends to get " lost in the shuffle . " Public schools have fewer resources , normally , and that lends itself to educating to the middle of the group . Those that lag behind get left and those that excel get bored . Private schools are better able to give individual attention to all levels during the education process . Actually , it is quite false that private schools , on average , spend more per pupil than public schools . However , a large chunk of public school per - pupil spending goes for meeting the needs of special needs students ( disability , ESL students , etc . ) , whom the public schools are legally obligated to accommodate . Another chunk goes toward the necessarily larger administrative overhead ; whether it 's 10 elementary schools or 100 to coordinate , it 's going to cost more . Finally , I believe public school teacher salaries are actually higher on average than private schools . So it 's really an apples - to - oranges comparison . The " all comers " aspect of the public schools makes it difficult to compare outcomes . There couldn 't be a worse selection bias if you tried ! There is evidence , though , that when you control for socioeconomic factors , private school students perform the same or in some cases worse than matched public - school counterparts . That said , the answer to your question is surely " it depends . " On where you live : there are places , for example , with both a reasonable cost of living and very decent public schools . Places where the public schools a mediocre but there aren 't better private alternatives . Places where the motivated parent can get their child into a specialized public education setting for free , such as a magnet or charter school . On your kids : are they academically inclined ? do they have special needs ? what setting are they socially most comfortable in ? I would really like to know where this person has recieved there information from ? I myself went to a Catholic private school up to 10th . grade when my parents swithed me to public school . I was so far ahead when I was in private school I had enough points to graduate in 10th grade public school ? ? Also 70 % was passing in private school verses 60 % passing in public school . Plus I had maybe 1 study hall in private school verses back to back study halls in public school . Plus Home schooled children tend to have HIGHER SAT scores than those in public school . I 'm just talking from first hand knowledge . I live in the Northeast , which should become relevant in a minute . I attended a Catholic grammar school and the local public high school . I think it all depends on the child . In terms of higher education what you need is a big fish in a big pond ( ultimately , if you can get it ) . Colleges and Universities are looking for diversity and those students who stood out among their peers . Now , this can be accomplished in a variety of ways , get them Irish Step Dancing and have them win Worlds , colleges will accept them . But , academically , it 's harder to do . My Catholic school was fine . I did have one amazing teacher in the 7th and 8th grade who made everything related to English a breeze from then on because , if you 'll pardon my French , she kicked our arses and didn 't take any BS and she was a nun . At the time we thought she was Satan in a habit but since I 've learned to appreciate her and would call her one of my best teachers ever . After 8th grade ' graduation ' , many of my classmates went on to all female or all male Catholic high schools , a few to suburban public , and I went to the local , urban , not with the best reputation because I " m a rebel , public high school ( Lawrence High in Lawrence , MA for any of you familiar ) . I came out 3rd in my class ( I " m a total school slacker , I learn and retain easily therefore the effort necessary to make it to Valedictorian would have eaten into my social time , any tips on how to change this with my masters program are totally welcome . ) with the actual highest SAT score in my class ( loads of ESL students ) and was accepted to all colleges applied , with the exception of Bowdoin and Tufts , classmates ranked lower than I but of a more ethnic persuasion were accepted at both . ( Just for the record , that got me into UMass Amherst , Middlebury , Hamilton College , Tulane University , George Washington University and I think American University . ) Some would maybe make an argument that , yeah , I went to a subpar school and stood out , but how did I do in college ? ? Well , I went to Tulane , slacker mentality prevailed and I graduated with a 3 . 3 GPA , BA in Art History and plenty of time on my hands to party hardy at Mardi Gras . Since I 've pretty much slacked around for a while without direction and now I 'm going for my masters in education from UMass Boston and hope to teach in an urban high or middle school . See , the secret is these schools get LOADS of funding and loads of opportunities and my school , at least , was not plagued by the John Hughes syndrome ( nerds , geeks , jocks , slackers ) , we knew we were all sort of underdogs in the eyes of the surrounding community and we bonded together . If you were in more advanced classes than someone else they didn 't label you , they asked for help with their math homework . It was great . Now , Lawrence High had a program were you could spend a semester at Phillips Andover and I took advantage of this . I will admit it was fun to live there , the food was free and plentiful and yummy , and the classes were interesting ( we only took two I think , I took an acting class and Urban Studies which is why we were there , take the poor kids and see how they react , I 'm not kidding ) and we had to keep up with our work at LHS so our teachers came to visit once a week and we had no problems . My point is Andover has a place BUT the vast majority of people I met there and I think you can check this out , ended up at UMass . A large number of Andover grads do NOT end up at Harvard , Yale , Princeton , etc because those schools don 't want them . They want big fish and you 're basically competing with a bunch of people in the same boat as you , at best you 're a fish in a fishpond . And I am not disparaging UMass at all , I almost went there , but who spends $ 20k + on high school for a kid hoping he 'll get into the local , public , state University ? And , after all that , my point is , it 's all dependent on the child . If you have a smart kid who will do well and needs a bit of a challenge , I 'd send them public and not really worry about ' good ' districts . ( the ' good ' district by me has lost all funding for sports , all art and all music , although parents might be able to pay a fee because the override or tax hike or whatever failed . ) You can get an education anywhere and everywhere has good , dedicated teachers to help with this . There are also crap teachers everywhere . If your child needs extra attention or extra motivation , I 'd go private because that 's where they excel and the smaller class sizes would benefit . Students with a tougher time will not slip through the cracks as easily at smaller , private schools . That said , a student , if he or she wants to , can disappear in any setting . Should I have children , I will struggle with this question myself . My main points right now is that I am adamant that they will pay for their own college education ( most of it ) and I will not reinvent their room at home in college by hiring a decorator , etc . I think that 's stupid . Your husband makes some valid points - - and definitely items to consider , such as the cost of buying a home in a great school district vs . paying private school tuition , opportunity for specialized training , etc . Public charter schools and magnet schools can tilt the balance back toward public schools in some systems . There is a new magnet high school in my area offering specialized studies in biotechnology and computer engineering , for example . You may have seen this report on the Nations ( USA ) Schools : basically , kids at private schools do perform better than those at public schools ; but if you adjust for socio - economic factors , they perform about the same ( depending on the grade and type of private school , public schools outperform private schools ) . The message being that you shouldn 't make assumptions about what type of school is better but check out the schools , public and private in your area before making a decision . In my area , parents are often surprised that , when they switch from private to public schools , their children lag in academic performance . So I should mention that I , too , attended public schools from elementary school through college . REPLY One thing to remember here is that the public vs . private debate is not an all or nothing proposal . You don 't have to commit to either 13 years of one or 13 years of the other . I started kindergarten in a public school and stayed there until second grade , when we moved to a city that had bad public education . In fifth grade , we moved again , this time to a wealthy district , but one whose elementary education was only geared for the " lowest common denominator " . By seventh grade , I 'd reentered public education , and stayed there until the end of my undergrad studies . I think this is highly dependent on the child . I attended public school from elementary through high school , but went to a private college . I hated school , but loved college . My son has attended both public and private schools . I don 't necessarily believe that private schools offer a better education . The only difference is they push harder and move faster because the parents are paying for their kids to attend . I put my son in a private school because the public school we were in was horrible . He wasn 't learning anything . He was bored , unchallenged , plus he needed help fitting in socially and the school district was unwilling to offer him services based on his academics . I thought putting him in a private school would offer him a better education , with smaller class sizes , and I would see some positive benefits . It was the worst decision I ever made . My ten year old nearly had an emotional breakdown by the end of the year due to the massive amounts of work , the emphasis on written work , the fact that he didn 't fit in , and by the end of the year he was so burned out , that I felt guilty for even trying this experiment . We moved to a different school district , and he is back in public school . He is receiving the help he needed socially . The work is still unchallenging for him , most of it is a repeat of what he learned last year , but he does well . I don 't think we need to worry about straight A 's in fifth grade . The school has clubs , and he is in a science club that he really enjoys . It is a much better school than the private school I sent him to last year that cost several thousand dollars . It may not be the BEST public school in my area , in fact it is rated as a failing school , but it is a good fit for my son . Before considering another private school , I 'd have to see some reason why the public school system couldn 't offer the same thing . My experience is that kids who have learning disabilities , ADHD , Asperger 's or other challenges do not do well in private schools . Most private schools look for kids who can do their work without extra motivation , basically , they look for the " good kids . " My son doesn 't fit that profile . He 's better off in a public school that offers him a certain amount of services for his learning disabilities and doesn 't push loads of work on him . In private school we were doing at least two hours of homework a night , and often more like four or five . Now , we seldom do more than two . Usually homework is done in about an hour . The only way I 'd put a child like my son back in a private school is if it was a school specifically for kids with learning difficulties . Otherwise , he can continue to attend the local public school , even if it might not be the best school , until college . Then he can decide if he wants to go to a public or private college . I liked my private college experience , but I did end up paying back a lot of loans . Not that I could afford it anyways - I wouldn 't choose private school for my kidlets if I had the money . My kids need to live in a real world - not a fabricated one of monied isolationists . They need to see other life situations - families not necessarily mirroring their own , how other kids with issues work through them , etc . I think my kids learn a great deal of empathy and support for their peers in the inclusive public school classrooms they are in . For example , my daughter ( soon to be 9 ) takes great pride in helping a learning challenged friend catch up to the lesson when she gets back from speech therapy twice a week . I can see some here would say - its not her responsibility , she should be in an environment where she only has to deal with ehr own needs - but to what end ? Complete self involvement ? It seems we have enough of those types in the world already . I went to both public and private school and in my case I did much better in the private school but I lived in NY city where there are many many different types of private schools , there weren 't choices for public schools other than specialized high schools when I was going to school . I went to a progressive school , which was a great fit for me . It wouldn 't be a great fit for every kid . I do agree that it does depend on the kid , some kids will do well where ever they go and others need a specific kind of environment to thrive . There isn 't an easy answer as I don 't think private school is always the answer especially if there isn 't much variety , yes the academics might be better but the pace , culture etc may not be right for your child or your family . I don 't think there is a right or wrong answer . The only major drawback to public school for me is the standardized testing and not so good teachers and / or schools may focus on " passing " the test as opposed to actually teaching . For me that is a concern . However , magnet or charter schools may not have the same requirement to test every year . Public Schools are at a disadvantage not because of money - Private schools usually make due with less - but because of philosophy . Public Schools emphasis on political correctness , diversity & making sure nothing ' damages ' a child 's self - esteem is misguided & leads to a de - emphasis on things academic . A simple example : whereas in most private schools ( forget uniforms for a minute ) , if a student came in inappropriately dressed , say just wearing a baseball cap , in most cases in public school , teachers wouldn 't even take note . They might even be afraid of a lawsuit . In private school , the student would be told to take it off & put it away . When you think of all the money spent on public education ( and I realize the mantra is give us more , more , more ) and the poorly educated students they turn out , it 's a bit mind - boggling ! Two problems : teachers ' union and bloated administration . Teacher 's unions understandably look out for their own interests , not the students . They wish for and really have no accountability . In most school districts , it 's impossible to fire blatantly incompetent teachers . In NYC , for instance , the really bad ones they segregate to what is commonly referred to as ' rubber rooms ' . There they don 't teach , they don 't do anything except maybe read the newspaper , and there they sit collecting salary , bene 's and finally retirement ! I 've often wondered why there isn 't a Parent 's Union looking out for theirs and their children 's best interest . The PTA doesn 't fulfill that role . And , if you look at where public schools spend their dollars , too little goes to the classroom . Public schools have overdone bureaucracies with layers upon layers of un - needed personnel , paid very well thank you . Private schools are far from perfect . I went to parochial schools through high school , and maybe it was my rebellious spirit , but I thought I had to go to college just to make up for what I missed . For my daughter - 8 years old - we have her in a private school , a very good one . She 's in second grade reading at a 6th grade or 7th grade level . No one bats an eyelash . With Math she 's only a grade ahead . I pay dearly - 10K a year ! And we live in a nice area where the public schools are good . I just figure that we 're ' front - loading ' the process , giving her a real head start and cultivating her love of learning . Maybe that will pay off , literally , when she gets to college age . Maybe ? I think it really depends . I 've been to a mix - - public through 9th grade , private boarding school for the rest of high school , public college , private graduate school . . . and the only place where I really felt that I was * educated * , out of all of them , was the private boarding school . The rest were about the same quality regardless of price , probably at least partially because we lived in a good neighborhood . Great discussion , and I learned a lot . When my parents brought me from China to Hawaii we couldn 't afford a private school , but from the sound of it I probably would not have survived in a private school since I did not know English at that time . In the public school I was able to be excused from English class and go to ESL class and quickly picked up English in about a year . Then in ninth grade I was accepted to a fairly fancy private school on full scholarship , but our family moved from Hawaii to California and I didn 't want to be away from my parents . So they rented an apartment in a good school district so I could attend the school . That seemed to be the most economic choice . Later in my junior year of high school they purchased a home in a town that 's seriously a block away from my high school , but happens to be over the county line and was valued a tens of thousands dollars cheaper than the house next door . My high school had a policy that said if you moved out of the district you can still be a continuing student as long as you maintain a B average . I really loved my high school and I don 't think I would have fit in in that beautiful private school . So I do appreciate going to public schools and never really experienced the other choice . My husband said his parents let him choose his own schools and I think that is what we will let our kids do . If they like the public school they see then that 's great . So why not go there ? I think that 's probably the most FRUGAL option anyway . Get your kids into honors programs and it 'll almost be like they 're in a private school . I went to public school from K - 12 and in college . Today , I 'm a true blue rocket scientist . Tell ME that public education doesn 't work . Go ahead . As long as YOU value education and instill that value in your children , they will get the most out of school that they can . There is a lot there , if you look for it . The teachers aren 't going to stuff knowledge into your head , but they 'll present it so you can take what you want from it . I am really struggling with this decision , but we are planning to send our son to public school . Don 't look at public and private as an either / or option because sometimes there are other options out there . In our school district , we have magnet schools and that is the option we have chosen . Parents are required to volunteer three hours a year ( which I would have done anyway ) and you can get a " private school " education on a public school dollar . I went to both public and private school . Private through 5th grade , and public thereafter . Private schools are better for self - motivated kids that already would excel in school anyways . I found I did better in public school due to diversity , and the fact that the competition was not as fierce for grades ( less stress for me ! ) . My brother , on the other hand , went private schools all the way . It was too stressful for him . He had to repeat the 10th grade . . . twice . Just a thought , but have you considered the impact of an educational environment beyond a child 's school years ? An advantage to at least consider : private schools , even in small towns , teach children to navigate challenging social waters with confidence . They also help students focus on admissions to top colleges where these skills become more valuable . Public school may do the same for many , but I was a shy kid from a working class background who lucked into a ( partial ) scholarship at a small private school school . My prep school tuition and college loans may have been painful at the time , but now I see they bought more than just a top notch education . They effortlessly opened up a social world that made my adult career goals not just possible , but expected . Six degrees of separation shrank to one or two . All thanks to private school . The class sized were extremely small . I had , on average in high school , a 7 or 8 to 1 student - teacher ratio . Imagine trying to daydream or pass notes with only 7 other kids in your class . Not going to happen . We learned how to shut the hell up . The fear of a ruler on the knuckles is enough to make you stay in your seat and pay attention to the lesson . No bullies . Seriously . No lunch money bandits , nobody pushing you around , smacking your books to the ground . Not even any real name calling . The overweight kids got picked last for kickball , but no one ever made fun of them for it . More parental involvement . I 've seen a bunch of studies that show that the more parents are involved in their kid 's education , the better they do . If a parent is dropping between 5 - 25k per year , you better believe they 're going to make sure they 're getting their money 's worth . Everyone else is right : if the kid has some kind of learning or emotional disorder that would require extra help , public schools are probably the way to go . But if the kid is at least an average student and would benefit from tougher academic competition and a stronger sense of community , then you can 't beat a private education , especially in the k - 8 years . We started my son in state preschool and switched to a private school because after being constantly guilted into volunteering in the classroom , I noticed too much regarding the kind of kids my kid was going to school with . I think the day the cop 's kid and the drug dealer 's kid was talking about ' my dad arrested your dad ' with expletives all around I decided you know , let 's make it through second grade before we deal with guns and meth and the F - word used like salt and pepper , shall we ? The switch has been great . There are 10 kids in my sons ' class . The teachers are ex - public school teachers who didn 't want to just record test scores anymore but wanted to actually teach and incorporate the arts . They also flat up don 't tolerate that sort of playground banter and behavioral issues . I went to both and preferred private . My husband did public and has no opinion on it but he too realized we wanted to do a bit of intervention and find a school that reflected our values better . Margaret Garcia - Couoh We started my son in state preschool and switched to a private school because after being constantly guilted into volunteering in the classroom , I noticed too much regarding the kind of kids my kid was going to school with . I think the day the cop 's kid and the drug dealer 's kid was talking about ' my dad arrested your dad ' with expletives all around I decided you know , let 's make it through second grade before we deal with guns and meth and the F - word used like salt and pepper , shall we ? The switch has been great . There are 10 kids in my sons ' class . The teachers are ex - public school teachers who didn 't want to just record test scores anymore but wanted to actually teach and incorporate the arts . They also flat up don 't tolerate that sort of playground banter and behavioral issues . I went to both and preferred private . My husband did public and has no opinion on it but he too realized we wanted to do a bit of intervention and find a school that reflected our values better . Margaret Garcia - Couoh Both of my sons go to a Christian school . My wife runs the kitchen , so we get a break on tuition . As a public high school drop out , I was adamant about putting our boys in private school . My wife on the other hand did fine in public schools . I tended to be lazy , and in public school there wasn 't anyone to push me . I would actually skip school to stay home and read . . . I wish my parents could have afforded private school for me , it took me an extra decade to get to the point in life I would have been if I had graduated . Both of my boys are extremely athletic , and will probably want to go to public high school where they can compete in sports . The only sports their school has is soccer and basketball . I attended private school from preK to 8th grade , then I attended public school for High School . Personally I found private school to be the best education I recieved . During High School I found myself unbelieveably bored and willing to do other student 's homework , which I did on many occassions . I found private school to be wonderful in the education realm but I am glad that I attended public school because of the access to many different social opportunities . The argument about it being dependant on the child is valid , however I am grateful that my mother forced the issue with private school when I was younger and then pursued the idea of public school later on . It was great to see both sides of education and social behavior . My husband and I debate this issue as well for our future children . I personally hope to expose them to both . In regards to " is it worth the money ? " who knows . I know plenty of individuals who attended public school their entire lives and took gifted classes and excelled in High School with Advanced Placement and Independant Study . I also know as many who achieved the same after attending Private School . If anything it could be viewed as an investment . Try it out for a year and if your child doesn 't like it then public school it is . for 8 years , then public work - school type high school ( very unique for its time , junior / senior years , you went year - round , work 2 weeks , school 2 weeks , had to keep high grade average ) , then on to Wright State University in Dayton , OH . You 've really hit a nerve with me with this column . I personally hate the snotty attitude most roman catholics have about their parochial school educations and how they love to badmouth the public schools when in most cases they don 't have a clue what it 's like to leave their little smalltown german / irish catholic neighborhoods their whole lives . I know whereof I speak ; I was catholic for 30 years . Dayton , OH , is a catholic town like many in the U . S . In my 7th and 8th grade years in particular back in the late 60s and early 70s , there were almost no nuns teaching in my parochial school anyway . In my school , they were replaced by an extremely unhappy Latin American guy who hated North Americans , an ex - military officer who 'd wear his uniform daily and was very much out of place , and an unhappy young black woman into black power ( and all white kids sitting in front of her ) . So much for a catholic education . I was only 1 of 8 kids who did not attend the local catholic high school , and I COULD NOT WAIT to be away from the catholic education system and everything to do with it , and I have never regretted it . I seriously , seriously doubt that its system has changed a whit . My niece absolutely hated the abovementioned catholic high school and lasted a month there . Again , the snotty attitudes prevail . Bravo for homeschooling in particular , bravo for alternative schools and for trade - type schools . When I was growing up , kids got sent to private school when they were screwing up academically , and likely to not get into college . It was like the opposite of " dropping out " - like " pulled in " . ( The ones without money just dropped out . ) My family was public school all the way , as were my sibs . I was a slacker and went to Cal like the original poster , and now read blogs at work while I try to code . My brother is now a physicist for UC . My sister is a teacher . On the other hand , I 'm Asian . If I were Latino or Black , I 'd consider private school . The publics seem to allow some minorities to try less hard . . . . are really advantages . For instance , I opposed standardized testing - and I still do , if it 's the only form of evaluation . But because of the testing , our public middle school arranged the schedule so kids would have an extra math or English class each day . And they really focus on giving the kids good study skills as well as good test - taking skills . And having to accomodate all types of kids also worked well for my daughter . It 's called " differentiated learning , " and it means that instead of lecturing at kids you present the material in a variety of different ways . I pulled my younger daughter out of Catholic school in fifth grade , because she wasn 't doing well , and put her in public school . I saw an immediate difference : She was happier and more enthusiastic about learning , and her grades skyrocketed . I kept my older daughter in the parochial school , where the kids sat in their seats all day and listened to the teachers lecture them , often using lesson plans that were older than the students . She hated school , and I hated the huge amounts of homework they loaded on the kids ( so the parents could feel they were getting their money 's worth ) . Not only was the Catholic school academically inferior , it was worse in other ways as well : The teachers yelled at the kids and some were verbally abusive , they played favorites , and bullying was common and often tolerated . I really regret not moving my older daughter to public school earlier . Now she is thriving in a public high school where over 95 percent of the students go on to college , some to very good schools . A lot does depend on the individual schools , but I really think a good public school - not even necessarily a magnet or charter school - has a lot to offer . I 'd check that option out first before shelling out for private school . Save the money for a good college instead . That 's what I 'm doing . As personal background , I went to public school through high school , and now I 'm about to graduate from a private college ( Baylor ) with a chemistry degree . My parents considered putting me in private school about 5th grade - we visited a couple - but I wasn 't really interesteded . All the private school kids I knew were snotty . Which is what I expected when I came to Baylor , but I fell in love with the school , and the people . I had an excellent education , but I was a pretty self motivated kid . I was reading Ten Thousand Leagues under the Sea in 2nd grade . Seriously , it was ridiculous . In high school , I had some classes with 10 , 12 , or even 4 people in them . But I was at the top of my class . Those class sizes were because no one else wanted to take them . . . : ) I find it interesting how many contradictions are in the comments . Some people say that smart , self motivated kids will do just as well in either place , some say those are the ones you want to private school . Some say that the kids who are struggling should be sent to private schools . Some say that kids with learning disabilities need the extra money at public schools , some that they wiill do better in private schools . There are no bullies at private schools , there are more than at public schools . You get the idea . Anyway , I think I 'll send my kids to public schools , unless there are problems there . Or unless they want to go to private school and / or win a scholarship . In Texas , there 's a rule that if you 're in the top 10 % of your high school class , you can go to any state school you want ( and A & M is pretty darn selective , believe it or not ) . Obviously , there 's some controversy over this . . . . My children will consistently have high - quality teachers ( I know not all are amazing , but I think a greater percentage are ) , a challenging curriculum , and a well - maintained campus with well - equipped classrooms and facilities . While I know that they will almost inevitably be exposed to drugs , it is much less likely that they will be exposed to gangs and gang violence ( I live in Los Angeles ) . They will be in an environment where academic achievement is respected and admission to the country 's top colleges for a good portion of each graduating class is expected . A smaller student body will give my children a greater chance to form relationships with friends and faculty and to find a niche they are comfortable in and hopefully a place to excel . I know that I was better off , socially , at my private schools than at my public schools . I attended a private college for undergrad , and a state instution for grad school . I finished school without loans , because I was a scholarship kid . ( I was probably assisted in getting that scholarship by the excellent education I received at my college - prep private high school ) . What you are forgetting is the third choice . Home education . So many people are heading in this direction now . With home school groups in just about every town in America and curriculum aids of all kinds , there really is no better way to go . Home education is the best bang for your buck . The best education without the heavy bill of a private school . Both parents can pitch in their own personal strong points in the education while enjoying the time with their child . No more trying to find time to spend with the child . Living in the right district is no issue or even living close to a private school . The curriculum is soley your choice . The class can be no smaller . And children do not need equipment , they need books and life . And as far as the myth of " what about social life " goes , that is a non - issue . I can tell a home educated child from a mile away by the interaction they are able to have with adults . How many governement - educated children really , and I mean really , have conversations with adults . Shouldn 't that be what you are preparing your children for is life in the adult world . I know many women who go this homeschool route . Some are great - they 've made a choice based on their child 's needs or their religious preferences . Hats off to them who are doing it the right way . You 've never seen a public school kid who can talk to adults ? Really ? My public school educated kid can talk to adults with ease . But she can also talk to children her age . I can tell a home schooled kid a mile away too . They are often routinely the kids who struggle in social settings with peers . I watch them unable to handle our neighborhood swim team b / c they can 't relate to kids in their age group , unable to play structured games in the cul de sac we live on . They have less friends , less of a gasp on modern culture . Maybe you think all of that is wonderful but the real world is made up of lots of kinds of people . If you don 't allow your child safe , healthy expose to the rest of the world , you overload them when they are unleashed on it . Again many parents are doing an excellent but some of them aren 't . Classic example - my friend C barely got through HS and is home schooling her son now . She has no training , doesn 't think she needs any and what she calls an education is basically her normal day . I attended parochial schools K - 12 . In 8th grade at the local Catholic school , I decided not to be confirmed and that I vehemently disagree with much of the religious doctrine . So , I resented attending 4 more years of religion class . I also wished for more fun electives , and begged to go to public school so I could take shop class or auto repair alongside my AP courses . I didn 't realize what a tremendous gift my parents had given me until I went to a public college . I loved the warm and engaging people I met at my university , but was extremely disappointed in the academic level of my peers . I had been writing 6 + page papers as a HS freshman , and up to 20 pages as a senior in AP English . In my college freshman Honors English course , we were challenged to write less than half what I had done in HS . The grammar and diction in the papers I peer - edited were substandard ; I , in turn , gained little from my peer editors . In my non - Honors courses , some of my classmates wrote so poorly that I wondered how they were ever admitted to college ! It was hard to find the push I needed to really develop further in college , when the starting point for the class was much lower than my HS courses were . I know I 'm an academic elitist , and most people would shame me for such behavior . I feel compassion for bright students who care but don 't have access to better teachers . However , it only makes sense to compete with those at or near your own level . Few would fault a pro athlete for declining to play in a pick - up game . ( FWIW , I 'm a crappy athlete ) My husband and I are desperately trying to make the best decision possible for our two children in middle school . We both went to public schools all the way through with with one exception . I attended an all women catholic college for 2 years . Our public education was terrible . Including graduate school and law school , I did my absolute best work ever during the 2 years in private college . Both my children have been in private school all the way through 6th / 7th grade . We tried our local public school for my daughters ' 1st grade and knew it wouldn 't challenge her enough . We have 2 gifted kids , one with a bit of ADD . We have found private school to be worth it for the class size , quality teachers and curriculum up until now . Lately we 've been asking ourselves whether the benefits are worth the lack of economic diversity , ( there is a great amount of racial diversity ) , the 25K ( each ) investment , and the commute . We are also more concerned about the fish in a fish pond problem but we can 't seem to find a lot of data to show whether there is a benefit either way . We know they will need to stand out but it seems like they will need that in private school even more so . If I were in college admissions , I would expect a lot more of a kid with the silver spoon and no real life struggles . But I 'm not sure if this really plays out in reality . And we actually want our kids to struggle and come to appreciate the wide variety of people and life circumstances they will encounter with a public education . We 're just concerned about the actual academic education ! We have been leaning toward public for high school and after reading these comments I am feeling even more confident about public . This is based on the content but surprisingly it 's also because of the quality of writing coming from people advocating public over private . I went to a great public school system and we live now in a great area so we are content with public schools but we have looked around for private ones . However one reason we stay with public schools is the added support for children who learn differently or slower . Our daughter has an IQ on the high side of normal but has a what they call a ' silent learning disability ' because it doesn 't show up on any one testing tool but more of a collectively slow executive processing problems . Which is just gibberish for she 's bright but just needs to go over things more to really learn them and have some extra time in testing to show what she really knows . Private schools can offer small classes but they routinely do not offer extra support in terms of helping kids like mine . In a public school , she gets accommodations and support that have her on the honor roll . We 've looked at private schools and they all are very clear that they keep children on pace more and it is harder for them to fall behind with the extra attention but if it is a learning issue , they are really out of luck . I have to agree with the poster above . I know a few families that homeschool . One is a crazy rightwing witch . Yes , there are plenty of decent Republicans . But this one is one of those nutty racist flat earth types who practically spits with rage whenever she opens her mouth . It would be nice for children to be raised in an environment that 's a little less , uh , angry . It might do her kids good to hear that somebody else could actually feel differently than Mother . I 'm sure the kids look cute arguing for the Gold Standard and the flat tax , but they are like little pissed off robots . Another is a sweet but wifty liberal mom . She would never pressure her precious snowflakes to do anything - - she " unschools " them . The kids are delightful and charming . The teenage boy loves woodworking , which he basically figured out for himself . Reading , however , he has not figured out . At age 15 . He probably has a learning disability . But there was never a reading expert who observed him and helped to correct him at a time of life when his young brain was being formed . But now , it could be too late . And even if it isn 't , there 's nothing going on in that home that would encourage him to take up an activity that requires self - discipline like learning how to read . I am a public school teacher , and I would probably put my kids in private school . I do feel the teachers in public schools are generally better . They are required to complete more education and are provided with ( almost too much ) extra staff development . However , the behavior of the students is horrible . There is a lack of respect for the teachers , the school , and for education in general . And since children are required by law to attend school , there is little that can be done about it . Students are given detentions . They don 't attend . Then they are assigned a Saturday School . They don 't attend . It would be easy to say , well go to the next step and suspend the students , and then if that doesn 't work expel them . But there are so many students that don 't follow the consequences , that it is impossible to do this . As a parent , I would be more worried that my kids are around that kind of attitude so much of the day . Plus , students simply don 't do the work . I will give an assignment and most of the time over half of the class won 't complete it . Forget about homework . It 's impossible to have class discussions about anything because only three or four students will have know what is going on . I give failing grades , but they don 't care . And neither do their parents . I can 't get some of these parents on the phone to save my life ! Or I call to tell them about their child 's failing grade and they say , " Okay , thank you . I will talk to him / her , " but nothing ever changes . When I hear the media talking about our failing schools , I want to scream ! It 's the parents of these kids who are failing . I 'm doing my job as best I can . I can 't physically make a child read or write . Private schools have the option of booting the kids who do nothing . And parents have an extra incentive to make sure their child is doing the work because they are paying for it . I think public schools should fine parents for their children 's poor behavior and lack of effort . Our tax dollars pay for the desk , books , and supplies these student are wasting . Let the parents pay for it if all it is is childcare . Amen , sister ! You really know what is going on ! Parents who sit back and do nothing are the cause of failing public schools . Teachers is public are generally good . They really do care , but you can 't find the overwhelming odds that some kids face at home . You can take the student to the water , but you can 't make them drink . Ok , see your point , but . . . . . since I 've got children ranging from 3 to 24 , I feel like I have some experience in this issue . For Nashville , TN the choice is ambiguous at best . We have some great private schools , and then there are some really bad ones as of late . The graduates of one private school here score poorly compared to public schools in a nearby county . And teaching techniques have evolved greatly in the last 18 years that I have physically participated . Furthermore , some private schools weed out illegal immigrants just because of accessibility alone , so there is less drag on the over all performance of that school . So , bottom line is where do you live ? Sounds like you need to live in a rich area , like Brentwood , and attend public school with every other child ( that can afford to live there . ) I have been solely educated by public schools and I feel that I have a major disadvantage as compared to those who were educated in the private school system . For one , I don 't earn all that much money relative to my great number of years of schooling and there has been no networking for me despite this being the way most jobs are gotten these days . Plus , public schools are just like the public sector - - let 's see how cheaply we can do everything ! If you want a chance at a decent existence and some luxuries in life , go for private schooling . If you want to attend lower class schools without a hint of opulence , no one to network with , and a lower middle class existence , do what I did . Trust me ! Private schools have no accountability for doing the " right " things . When you land in a corrupt private school with the best intentions for your child and find out they will only promote their high donating kiss ass families you will suffer dearly . Your might have top students even in a private environment and your child may still be treated at the lowest levels . Best to take a for sure risk our Public school system . By the way Public schools have much more to offer for a well rounded student anyway . I have been reading the post and find it interesting that security in the public schools were not mentioned . I have a 5 year old that is in private K and will be going to private school in Sept . I live in NJ and the public school i am zoned to is about 100 years old and has below state test scores . I was willing to at least give the school a try and go in and look around since the private school we are sending our daughter to is very expensive 21k . When i walked into the public school at 9 : 00 a young girl about 10 was at the door and told me where the main office was . There were kids sitting on the stairs and walking around the hallways . The main office was cluttered with piles of papers and very disorganized . I walked out and decided right there i was not sending my daughter there . She is very bright and has been reading since 18 months . She needed a school that would challenge her . I am not Catholic , but my husband and I registered her in the local Catholic school just in case she didn 't get into P school . We felt secure leaving her there since the doors are kept locked and the staff is on top of the students . I don 't know if she would have gotten a better education in public or Catholic school but we just learned she was excepted in the private school we wanted . For 21k a year she will get a 7 : 1 teacher ratio , teachers with masters and special certifications in their fields . The school is set up like a college . i had my doubts sending her to such an expensive school , but my peace of mind that she will be in a safe place with kids who are academically on or close to her level is what i needed . Children who are gifted have no resources in the public schools because they usually are only gifted in a few areas and may lag behind in others . They are special needs children too with no place to go , but private school . I don 't know how this will work out , but i feel good that i am giving my daughter the best environment for her learning potential that i can . My husband and i were planning to move , but with the housing maREPLY I went to Catholic / private lower / middle / high school and public college . The difference was mind - blowing for me . I have a son now so I 'm concerned with this debate now more than ever . I just don 't think you can put a price on the networking and exposure aspects that a private school can offer . My wife is a NYC public school teacher and she sees what normally goes on in your run - of - the - mill NYC public school . The very best kids usually end up bored , the struggling kids get left behind , and the middle of the pack kids just get by . One thing that concerns me is the cost . While I find the tuition to be really pricey , what bothers me more is that they just set their prices based upon WHAT ? The fact that rival schools charge that much ? Their operating costs ? Their locations ? Their payroll ? How can every school in Manhattan and Brooklyn be $ 28 , 000 - $ 32 , 000 ? I feel that they just make their costs the same as the other schools , just so they aren 't perceived as being cheap or less prestigious , not because it actually costs that student that much for the education . I went to public school from kindergarten - 7th grade . Then because I had ADHD my parents were able to let me go to private school for free because of a grant . I didn 't like it , but that 's because back then I didn 't like school period and I wasn 't a christian . I did a little more research into the differences between public and private schools and found out some interesting facts . I even taught at a private school once ( it was a baptist one though . . . ) Public schools are terrible because of gangs , drugs , there 's a lot of bad kids that go there and do bad things . I would not want my child growing up to be a hoodlum with a baby at sixteen which is why I would not expose my child to that kind of chaos and depravity . Plus public school classes are much too large and a child can 't get the individual attention that they need . Not in the least way do I take any sort of prejudice against Christians , but I have found that christian private schools aren 't much better than public schools . In a sense it 's as though they " zap " the child 's creativity by binding them to an impossibly strict set of rules . And I think it 's better to not force a religion on a child as they will grow up to dislike it , in most cases . The best schools I have found are non - religious based private schools . They strive for their students to receive the best academic standards , classes are small , they aren 't around so much drugs and violence like the public schools . I am certainly not wealthy , but I believe that private school is worth every penny . After all , we should all strive for better education for ourselves and our children . We tried all three options ; private , public and homeschool . Homeschool wins hands down . Flexible , as expensive or inexpensive as you want it to be , total freedom to pursue different methods and special interests , week long field trips / vacations in the uncrowded seasons , and a great community of like minded people to share expertise and equipment . Read " How to Home School " by Gayle Graham or " The Right Choice " by Chris Klicka before dismissing this as an option . Went to public school in San Francisco from K - 8th grade . The middle school I attended was a JOKE . I started hanging around with the wrong crowd , cutting classes and failing all my classes . My parents didn 't even find out I was cutting classes until half the school year was over . When they found out they enrolled me in a private catholic school , which I attended from 9th to 12th grade . The experience changed my life and I vowed that if I ever had children I would NEVER send them to public school . I agree with comment from the public school teacher that the majority of kids in public school ( especially in urban communities such as SF ) are unruly and disrespectful . I now have 3 children ages 10 to 19 . They are all in private school from the time they were in kinder . Yes , it is expensive , especially in SF , but I consider it an investment in their future . The teahcers from private school don 't take crap from the kids . I agree with another parent who commented that there were no bullies , no fighting , no name calling or teasing . Of course there 's a small number of rebellious students , but they are usually put in their place fast . Disrespect is never tolerated in private school . The consequences for bad behavior or poor academics - you get kicked out . There 's no time for nonsense in private school . Unlike public school , where kids are talking back to teachers or behaving badly . Kids who act up in private school get expelled and get thrown into public school . I disagree with one parent who thinks that private school kids are not living in the " real world " because they are not dealing with real life issues . The high school my kids attend has a 100 hour committment from each student that requires them to do volunteer work directly related to the Sick , aged , homeless and disabled . My oldest son , even after he graduated , volunteers at the homeless shelter and food banks . Public schools don 't have this requirement and alot of kids never even exposed to that experience . I 'm not saying that all public schools are bad , but in SF , the public school system is disappointing . My son 's friend in 8th grade who attended private school and barely passed with a D average - now goes to the local public high school and now takes honors English class . What does that tell you about the school system . I would never trust my kids education to the public school system in SF . My oldest son begged us to send him to public school in 9th grade , we flat out refused and told him it was for his own good and he 'd thank us later . He graduated last year and did thank us for it . He now attended a small private university . I realize I 'm a johnny - come - two - years - late to this discussion , but I think the points raised are even more relevant today than they were two years ago . Interestingly enough , our current economic downturn has made private schools an attractive option for a lot of families . State budget - tightening means that public schools are cutting back even more on what they offer . Too often this results in an increase in class size and reduction of classes , subjects and services . Many parents - who previously may have never even considered private education - are investigating whether private schools could work for their families because they are not willing to compromise their child 's education and future . i 'm looking into boarding schools as a possible last 2 years of high school for me , and most everything i 've read seems to me like its worth it . all my life up to 10th grade i 've been in the public system . . . and sadly im just not challenged . it really bothers me that i have to , im not sure how to say this , uhm , tone down my learing attitude ? well my usual class size can range from 20 - 30 kids per class and im not with equal minded kids who WANT to learn . I 've brought it up to my parents before but they say it isnt worth the cost to them . i have a sizable dowry to pay for my education , but my parents dont want to spend it on boarding school , they say the payoff isnt worth it . the way i see it though is , if i can get financial aid for the boarding school than i should have at least a little left , and with the experience yadda yadda knowledge , etc i expect to get at a boarding school than that should lend me to a better scholarship than if i just went public the whole way and not have too many loans to worry about in the future . . . . at least thats what i hope will happen . i know that simply attending some prestigous school wont gurantee me a free ride , but i think its worth the risk . my parents are , ironically enough , pressuring me to pursue the arts , which doesnt pay very well in my eyes , and i want to be more than just some no name penniless artist working painting to painting . it really is ironic . as a student wanting to attend a private boarding school do you all have any ideas to really getting my parents to understand why i want to do this ? although my older brother got kicked out of a local private school , so they may have more convictions than the average parent . . . . . Wow ! What a great forum ! I think as moms we are constantly searching for the best for our children . A lot of people associate better with money . Unfortunately it is impossible to compare public to private , because there are so many different types of private and public schools . I attended parochial schools from 1st to 12th grade . It was very much a " bubble " , but I 'd say it was a good experience in grammar school , not necessarily in high school though . My father had 8 children , six of whom were girls , so Catholic schools were the only option in his eyes . I will say that we went to the " lower income " catholic school , not the elite schools , so there was never any " holier than though " attitude from students . We were taught social justice and became one big family in grade school . In high school I was envious of a few friends who left the Catholic school to attend charter high schools . There was so much more opportunity at some of the public high schools in the arts , drama , etc . I feel like I missed out on a lot due to lack of programs at my catholic high school . My eldest son is attending his 4th year in public school in the fall . It is so close to home that we walk to school . It is very easy for me to be involved due to proximity . I will say this though , when looking for schools , go backward . Pick the high school first , then find the path to get them there . Sounds odd but I 've slowly discovered this in the past few years . In Australia - private schools are * * * * . I am a boarder as well , so my parents pay like $ 40 , 000 + per year and I am regretting the education here now . I used to enjoy the extra co - curricular , but now as I approach my university - entrance exams , I find private schools much worse academically than the selective schools . If I had to re - do , I would only enter private schools on the basis of scholarships or for other merits than academic . I would also not choose Australia to be a boarder . I 'd probably go to the US or UK . Worse comes to worse , an international school . My background : I went to a Catholic school K - 8 and then a public HS even though I had wanted to go to a Catholic HS . My parents , solidly working class with 5 kids said that they had specifically moved to that neighborhood on Long Island because of the public school system . I got a fantastic education from K - 8 and did they drill us on correct grammar ! I got a wonderful education in HS with many teachers caring about me and my future . Some crucial points though : my HS had only 850 children . I graduated number 10 without much effort , and playing 2 sports a year . Got into an Ivy League college . Now we have four kids , one of whom has ADHD , and we are trying to make the decision about whether or not to invest in private HS for them , which , all in , would cost us close to 200k for all of them . We will certainly have to be very frugal to make this work . Not to mention having very little saved for their college . The public school here is ' good ' but huge with 2000 kids . This concerns me . How could a teacher possibly care about my child and his future ? How could they have the time ? According to my daughter , who attends the public secondary school that feeds into the public HS , there is a lot of disrespect toward teachers , and a lot of teachers who won 't ( can 't ? ) stop such behavior . She says she often does the work on her own because the class is disruptive . She is in honors classes . She often comes home and looks on google to understand an algebra concept and I ask her , " can 't you stay after class and ask the teacher to explain it more ? " and her reply is , " we are not allowed , there is only enough time to get to your next class . " Your husband might be right about some public schools not having labs as nice as those in private schools , but I don 't think that 's true of public schools in Northern Virginia ! Our two children were lucky enough to have excellent teachers and wonderful facilities ( including excellent science labs ) throughout their 13 years of public education . In fact my son had 14 years of public education , because he had a disability that qualified him for special ed preschool . He also had speech therapy , physical therapy or an adapted PE curriculum , and either a classroom aide or a personal assistant from preschool through the middle of tenth grade ! No private school we visited ( and we checked out several ) could offer that level of support . Both of my children also attended public universities - - the University of Virginia in my daughter 's case , the University of Maryland College Park in my son 's . My daughter liked UVA so much that she returned and earned her law degree there ! Neither one of them got " lost in the shuffle . " I am currently a Senior in a Catholic High School . . . but went to public school every year up until 9th grade . In my experience the public schoolwork seemed to be much harder than the catholic / private school . I also only get maybe 15min to about an hour or so MOST nights , while my public school friends end up having maybe one hour to three hours . I felt like my school had much better funding overall for programs , classes , and nearly everything else . My school is fairly big on sports and theatre too , so nearly every area a child would be interested would be covered . My friends who didn 't go to my school often complained about how something wasn 't funded properly , or that the school needed to get something better than whatever it had . While funding and stuff like that kind of made the tuition kind of acceptable for me after 9th grade , what I found the best reason for me to go to Catholic High Schools was the environment ( again , this is specific to my school most likely ) . While in my public school district we did have many talented students , their was a fairly large population of students who seemed like they were in school only because it was required , and didn 't care about anything that had to do with school . They had little to no plans for college , and many sat down to take the SAT ( Public HS was the test center nearest to me and my HS wasn 't one ) but I could see that they didn 't care . Many simply stared out the window . In my Catholic HS , it seemed like the student population was mostly the upper tier athletes , academically gifted students , or great artists and singers . Most of my friends in the football and basketball teams were very smart , and managed to maintain overall averages of over 90 , with at least five of the athletes having maybe 95 + . I say this only because I used to think that athletes were really jocks who weren 't the brightest and got by on their athleticism . Of course not everybody was a shining star , but there must have been a very little amount of students who seemed borderline pass / fail . I would maybe hear mention of a troublesome kid once or twice a year , and everybody was fairly focused on their studies or the programs they were involved in . Guidance counselors were extremely helpful ( In my cousins public HS in NJ , his GC barely helped with the little things , so my GC ended up giving me info I passed on to him ) , colleges were more inclined to come to our school and meet with the students and offer help if we had / have any questions . We had a great library and a whole wired / connected computer system schoolwide ( it sound impressive but some of the features the school had were fairly amazing and extremely useful . . . these were features I knew the public HS didn 't have . ) In the Private school I had a better friends circle I guess , and the fact that classmates weren 't made up of students who seemed like complete idiots kind of brushed off good habits for me . Students worked hard in school , and had priorities in order . Students also seemed much nicer from my perspective , although in public school I never had a problem of not getting along with anyone , but I would see my friends being mean to other kids , or having unofficial gangs in a way . In the Catholic school though even the " gangsters " , jocks , theater , geeks , emo kids were nice to each other . You could walk up to a seemingly stupid football player and have an intelligent conversation , and nerds could talk to the most beautiful girl in school and become friends easily . People weren 't discriminated against and were generally more accepting . In terms of private / public university I don 't know how much it would matter , but I am still appying to colleges ( both public and private ) . I 'm not choosing a college on whether or not it is private or not , but private colleges do seem much more expensive . Public Universities are still great , and in many respects better than private colleges . SUNY and CUNY schools are amazing and incredibly cheap . In California the UC schools like UCLA and the like are amazing as well . I 'm sure others are as well but those were the main colleges I looked into , along with a couple private schools . I know this is an old post but I figured as a current senior college student , I can give my take . It all depends on where you grew up . I grew up in a really small farming community and there was only one high school . The closest private high school was about 30 minutes away and my parents were not going to drive me every morning . My high school was horrible . At the time I didn 't think about it , but it was . The average ACT score was 20 . 6 for my class and I had a 31 . I was so bored at that school , but it did get a little better when I took night classes at the local community college . I am currently going to a private college where the work is really hard ( they are ranked in the top 30 in the USA ) . When I stepped foot into my first chemistry lab , it was like I was in another world ! ! ! I had no idea what was going on . And my first chemistry lab report was one of the hardest assignments of my life . But i was in the minority . I remember asking my roommate if I could see his lab report , and he banged out 9 pages in one day ! I was shocked ! He told me that he already did it in high school and it was very easy for him . I would say about 80 % of students didn 't struggle . Yes , eventually , I caught up to speed but there are just fundamentals that other students knew that I was never taught in high school . I tell my parents to have my younger brother who is currently in high school , to take summer classes at a nearby college . On the other hand , my girlfriend grew up in a big city . She went to a public high school that was ranked in the top ten in the state . Then she moved and her last two years was at a private school . Last summer , I was helping her packed up her stuff when I saw several notebooks . I opened them up and saw all they were chemistry lab notes from her private high school . They were exactly the same format and depth as intro college chemistry ! She told me her teacher in high school used to be a professor and that a lot of the teachers there have masters or phd 's . So if you value your kids education and future , tryREPLY From my experience with switching from public to private to public ( as I attended private only for a few years in high school ) , not all schools are created equal . Not that my local public school was bad ( considering that I lived in Bloomfield Hills , MI . . . a pretty rich area in these parts ) , but the nearby private school I attended was light - years ahead . Heck , I was reading Milton in my Sophomore year in private high school . Is Private better than Public ? Not sure , as those are pretty broad terms . But , Ill tell you . . . nothing beats a top private school education in terms of kicking your a @@ every night , especially if you want your kids to be spending school breaks reading from the likes of Homer , Beckett and Chaucer . Is that type of education right for every student ? Probably not . Will it transform your kid into a successful well - adjusted human being ? Not sure .
|
Home » Career and Income » Education & Training » Are Private Schools Worth the Money They Demand ? Are Private Schools Worth the Money They Demand ? By Xin Lu on 30 January 2008 I admit it , I am a product of public schools from pre - school through college and I am quite proud of it . By going to public schools I helped my parents save a king 's ransom and going to a public college is a big reason why I ended up with no loans and a good amount of savings . I married a man who loved his sixteen plus years of private education but it is hard for me to fathom how much money his parents had to spend over those years . One day we had a discussion about having kids and he said we would have to send them to private school , and I said I did not think it was worth the money because I got an excellent education in public schools . So he argued his case for private schools and I will list some of his points here . Generally families are assigned to public school districts by the location of their home . This creates expensive real estate in the towns that are supposed to have a good public school district . It is probably cheaper to pay for a private school for a few years than to pay for an extremely high mortgage in an expensive area with a good public school . For schools to be accredited they do have to have an approved core curriculum , but private schools can teach additional things like religion or design specialty programs that focus on math and science . Many people choose private schools for religious reasons and it is understandable to choose belief over money . My husband was able to choose a school that focused on engineering and he loved the projects he had in high school . I am not sure that this is true in all cases . I went to a very small public high school and I felt like I had a lot of attention from my teachers , but once I entered UC Berkeley I was a bit overwhelmed by the auditorium sized classes . So I do think that smaller class sizes are better and on average private schools do have smaller classes than public schools . This is probably true for the most part because private schools generally have more funding per student than large public schools . I remember that my science lab in high school was quite dilapidated and consisted of a few tables and sinks . I did tour a private high school once and they had the most beautiful art room and labs and I was awfully jealous . After my husband made his points , I am not totally counting out private schools for my offspring now . The frugal part of me still is not completely convinced that it is worth spending over a hundred thousand dollars for private high schools . When it gets to the college level many state universities can be just as competitive as private institutions . I think ultimately it is up to our future children to excel in their own manner . If they are excellent students they will be able to get scholarships , and if they wanted to they can flourish in a public school . On the other hand , if they do not care about succeeding then it does not matter how much money I spend on them . Wise Bread readers , do you think that private schools give you an edge ? Are they really worth the money if you had to pay full price ? As some background , I attended private parochial schools through eighth grade , a small public high school and a small private college . I think private schools are worthwhile for children . The biggest reason is that no one tends to get " lost in the shuffle . " Public schools have fewer resources , normally , and that lends itself to educating to the middle of the group . Those that lag behind get left and those that excel get bored . Private schools are better able to give individual attention to all levels during the education process . Actually , it is quite false that private schools , on average , spend more per pupil than public schools . However , a large chunk of public school per - pupil spending goes for meeting the needs of special needs students ( disability , ESL students , etc . ) , whom the public schools are legally obligated to accommodate . Another chunk goes toward the necessarily larger administrative overhead ; whether it 's 10 elementary schools or 100 to coordinate , it 's going to cost more . Finally , I believe public school teacher salaries are actually higher on average than private schools . So it 's really an apples - to - oranges comparison . The " all comers " aspect of the public schools makes it difficult to compare outcomes . There couldn 't be a worse selection bias if you tried ! There is evidence , though , that when you control for socioeconomic factors , private school students perform the same or in some cases worse than matched public - school counterparts . That said , the answer to your question is surely " it depends . " On where you live : there are places , for example , with both a reasonable cost of living and very decent public schools . Places where the public schools a mediocre but there aren 't better private alternatives . Places where the motivated parent can get their child into a specialized public education setting for free , such as a magnet or charter school . On your kids : are they academically inclined ? do they have special needs ? what setting are they socially most comfortable in ? I would really like to know where this person has recieved there information from ? I myself went to a Catholic private school up to 10th . grade when my parents swithed me to public school . I was so far ahead when I was in private school I had enough points to graduate in 10th grade public school ? ? Also 70 % was passing in private school verses 60 % passing in public school . Plus I had maybe 1 study hall in private school verses back to back study halls in public school . Plus Home schooled children tend to have HIGHER SAT scores than those in public school . I 'm just talking from first hand knowledge . I live in the Northeast , which should become relevant in a minute . I attended a Catholic grammar school and the local public high school . I think it all depends on the child . In terms of higher education what you need is a big fish in a big pond ( ultimately , if you can get it ) . Colleges and Universities are looking for diversity and those students who stood out among their peers . Now , this can be accomplished in a variety of ways , get them Irish Step Dancing and have them win Worlds , colleges will accept them . But , academically , it 's harder to do . My Catholic school was fine . I did have one amazing teacher in the 7th and 8th grade who made everything related to English a breeze from then on because , if you 'll pardon my French , she kicked our arses and didn 't take any BS and she was a nun . At the time we thought she was Satan in a habit but since I 've learned to appreciate her and would call her one of my best teachers ever . After 8th grade ' graduation ' , many of my classmates went on to all female or all male Catholic high schools , a few to suburban public , and I went to the local , urban , not with the best reputation because I " m a rebel , public high school ( Lawrence High in Lawrence , MA for any of you familiar ) . I came out 3rd in my class ( I " m a total school slacker , I learn and retain easily therefore the effort necessary to make it to Valedictorian would have eaten into my social time , any tips on how to change this with my masters program are totally welcome . ) with the actual highest SAT score in my class ( loads of ESL students ) and was accepted to all colleges applied , with the exception of Bowdoin and Tufts , classmates ranked lower than I but of a more ethnic persuasion were accepted at both . ( Just for the record , that got me into UMass Amherst , Middlebury , Hamilton College , Tulane University , George Washington University and I think American University . ) Some would maybe make an argument that , yeah , I went to a subpar school and stood out , but how did I do in college ? ? Well , I went to Tulane , slacker mentality prevailed and I graduated with a 3 . 3 GPA , BA in Art History and plenty of time on my hands to party hardy at Mardi Gras . Since I 've pretty much slacked around for a while without direction and now I 'm going for my masters in education from UMass Boston and hope to teach in an urban high or middle school . See , the secret is these schools get LOADS of funding and loads of opportunities and my school , at least , was not plagued by the John Hughes syndrome ( nerds , geeks , jocks , slackers ) , we knew we were all sort of underdogs in the eyes of the surrounding community and we bonded together . If you were in more advanced classes than someone else they didn 't label you , they asked for help with their math homework . It was great . Now , Lawrence High had a program were you could spend a semester at Phillips Andover and I took advantage of this . I will admit it was fun to live there , the food was free and plentiful and yummy , and the classes were interesting ( we only took two I think , I took an acting class and Urban Studies which is why we were there , take the poor kids and see how they react , I 'm not kidding ) and we had to keep up with our work at LHS so our teachers came to visit once a week and we had no problems . My point is Andover has a place BUT the vast majority of people I met there and I think you can check this out , ended up at UMass . A large number of Andover grads do NOT end up at Harvard , Yale , Princeton , etc because those schools don 't want them . They want big fish and you 're basically competing with a bunch of people in the same boat as you , at best you 're a fish in a fishpond . And I am not disparaging UMass at all , I almost went there , but who spends $ 20k + on high school for a kid hoping he 'll get into the local , public , state University ? And , after all that , my point is , it 's all dependent on the child . If you have a smart kid who will do well and needs a bit of a challenge , I 'd send them public and not really worry about ' good ' districts . ( the ' good ' district by me has lost all funding for sports , all art and all music , although parents might be able to pay a fee because the override or tax hike or whatever failed . ) You can get an education anywhere and everywhere has good , dedicated teachers to help with this . There are also crap teachers everywhere . If your child needs extra attention or extra motivation , I 'd go private because that 's where they excel and the smaller class sizes would benefit . Students with a tougher time will not slip through the cracks as easily at smaller , private schools . That said , a student , if he or she wants to , can disappear in any setting . Should I have children , I will struggle with this question myself . My main points right now is that I am adamant that they will pay for their own college education ( most of it ) and I will not reinvent their room at home in college by hiring a decorator , etc . I think that 's stupid . Your husband makes some valid points - - and definitely items to consider , such as the cost of buying a home in a great school district vs . paying private school tuition , opportunity for specialized training , etc . Public charter schools and magnet schools can tilt the balance back toward public schools in some systems . There is a new magnet high school in my area offering specialized studies in biotechnology and computer engineering , for example . You may have seen this report on the Nations ( USA ) Schools : basically , kids at private schools do perform better than those at public schools ; but if you adjust for socio - economic factors , they perform about the same ( depending on the grade and type of private school , public schools outperform private schools ) . The message being that you shouldn 't make assumptions about what type of school is better but check out the schools , public and private in your area before making a decision . In my area , parents are often surprised that , when they switch from private to public schools , their children lag in academic performance . So I should mention that I , too , attended public schools from elementary school through college . REPLY One thing to remember here is that the public vs . private debate is not an all or nothing proposal . You don 't have to commit to either 13 years of one or 13 years of the other . I started kindergarten in a public school and stayed there until second grade , when we moved to a city that had bad public education . In fifth grade , we moved again , this time to a wealthy district , but one whose elementary education was only geared for the " lowest common denominator " . By seventh grade , I 'd reentered public education , and stayed there until the end of my undergrad studies . I think this is highly dependent on the child . I attended public school from elementary through high school , but went to a private college . I hated school , but loved college . My son has attended both public and private schools . I don 't necessarily believe that private schools offer a better education . The only difference is they push harder and move faster because the parents are paying for their kids to attend . I put my son in a private school because the public school we were in was horrible . He wasn 't learning anything . He was bored , unchallenged , plus he needed help fitting in socially and the school district was unwilling to offer him services based on his academics . I thought putting him in a private school would offer him a better education , with smaller class sizes , and I would see some positive benefits . It was the worst decision I ever made . My ten year old nearly had an emotional breakdown by the end of the year due to the massive amounts of work , the emphasis on written work , the fact that he didn 't fit in , and by the end of the year he was so burned out , that I felt guilty for even trying this experiment . We moved to a different school district , and he is back in public school . He is receiving the help he needed socially . The work is still unchallenging for him , most of it is a repeat of what he learned last year , but he does well . I don 't think we need to worry about straight A 's in fifth grade . The school has clubs , and he is in a science club that he really enjoys . It is a much better school than the private school I sent him to last year that cost several thousand dollars . It may not be the BEST public school in my area , in fact it is rated as a failing school , but it is a good fit for my son . Before considering another private school , I 'd have to see some reason why the public school system couldn 't offer the same thing . My experience is that kids who have learning disabilities , ADHD , Asperger 's or other challenges do not do well in private schools . Most private schools look for kids who can do their work without extra motivation , basically , they look for the " good kids . " My son doesn 't fit that profile . He 's better off in a public school that offers him a certain amount of services for his learning disabilities and doesn 't push loads of work on him . In private school we were doing at least two hours of homework a night , and often more like four or five . Now , we seldom do more than two . Usually homework is done in about an hour . The only way I 'd put a child like my son back in a private school is if it was a school specifically for kids with learning difficulties . Otherwise , he can continue to attend the local public school , even if it might not be the best school , until college . Then he can decide if he wants to go to a public or private college . I liked my private college experience , but I did end up paying back a lot of loans . Not that I could afford it anyways - I wouldn 't choose private school for my kidlets if I had the money . My kids need to live in a real world - not a fabricated one of monied isolationists . They need to see other life situations - families not necessarily mirroring their own , how other kids with issues work through them , etc . I think my kids learn a great deal of empathy and support for their peers in the inclusive public school classrooms they are in . For example , my daughter ( soon to be 9 ) takes great pride in helping a learning challenged friend catch up to the lesson when she gets back from speech therapy twice a week . I can see some here would say - its not her responsibility , she should be in an environment where she only has to deal with ehr own needs - but to what end ? Complete self involvement ? It seems we have enough of those types in the world already . I went to both public and private school and in my case I did much better in the private school but I lived in NY city where there are many many different types of private schools , there weren 't choices for public schools other than specialized high schools when I was going to school . I went to a progressive school , which was a great fit for me . It wouldn 't be a great fit for every kid . I do agree that it does depend on the kid , some kids will do well where ever they go and others need a specific kind of environment to thrive . There isn 't an easy answer as I don 't think private school is always the answer especially if there isn 't much variety , yes the academics might be better but the pace , culture etc may not be right for your child or your family . I don 't think there is a right or wrong answer . The only major drawback to public school for me is the standardized testing and not so good teachers and / or schools may focus on " passing " the test as opposed to actually teaching . For me that is a concern . However , magnet or charter schools may not have the same requirement to test every year . Public Schools are at a disadvantage not because of money - Private schools usually make due with less - but because of philosophy . Public Schools emphasis on political correctness , diversity & making sure nothing ' damages ' a child 's self - esteem is misguided & leads to a de - emphasis on things academic . A simple example : whereas in most private schools ( forget uniforms for a minute ) , if a student came in inappropriately dressed , say just wearing a baseball cap , in most cases in public school , teachers wouldn 't even take note . They might even be afraid of a lawsuit . In private school , the student would be told to take it off & put it away . When you think of all the money spent on public education ( and I realize the mantra is give us more , more , more ) and the poorly educated students they turn out , it 's a bit mind - boggling ! Two problems : teachers ' union and bloated administration . Teacher 's unions understandably look out for their own interests , not the students . They wish for and really have no accountability . In most school districts , it 's impossible to fire blatantly incompetent teachers . In NYC , for instance , the really bad ones they segregate to what is commonly referred to as ' rubber rooms ' . There they don 't teach , they don 't do anything except maybe read the newspaper , and there they sit collecting salary , bene 's and finally retirement ! I 've often wondered why there isn 't a Parent 's Union looking out for theirs and their children 's best interest . The PTA doesn 't fulfill that role . And , if you look at where public schools spend their dollars , too little goes to the classroom . Public schools have overdone bureaucracies with layers upon layers of un - needed personnel , paid very well thank you . Private schools are far from perfect . I went to parochial schools through high school , and maybe it was my rebellious spirit , but I thought I had to go to college just to make up for what I missed . For my daughter - 8 years old - we have her in a private school , a very good one . She 's in second grade reading at a 6th grade or 7th grade level . No one bats an eyelash . With Math she 's only a grade ahead . I pay dearly - 10K a year ! And we live in a nice area where the public schools are good . I just figure that we 're ' front - loading ' the process , giving her a real head start and cultivating her love of learning . Maybe that will pay off , literally , when she gets to college age . Maybe ? I think it really depends . I 've been to a mix - - public through 9th grade , private boarding school for the rest of high school , public college , private graduate school . . . and the only place where I really felt that I was * educated * , out of all of them , was the private boarding school . The rest were about the same quality regardless of price , probably at least partially because we lived in a good neighborhood . Great discussion , and I learned a lot . When my parents brought me from China to Hawaii we couldn 't afford a private school , but from the sound of it I probably would not have survived in a private school since I did not know English at that time . In the public school I was able to be excused from English class and go to ESL class and quickly picked up English in about a year . Then in ninth grade I was accepted to a fairly fancy private school on full scholarship , but our family moved from Hawaii to California and I didn 't want to be away from my parents . So they rented an apartment in a good school district so I could attend the school . That seemed to be the most economic choice . Later in my junior year of high school they purchased a home in a town that 's seriously a block away from my high school , but happens to be over the county line and was valued a tens of thousands dollars cheaper than the house next door . My high school had a policy that said if you moved out of the district you can still be a continuing student as long as you maintain a B average . I really loved my high school and I don 't think I would have fit in in that beautiful private school . So I do appreciate going to public schools and never really experienced the other choice . My husband said his parents let him choose his own schools and I think that is what we will let our kids do . If they like the public school they see then that 's great . So why not go there ? I think that 's probably the most FRUGAL option anyway . Get your kids into honors programs and it 'll almost be like they 're in a private school . I went to public school from K - 12 and in college . Today , I 'm a true blue rocket scientist . Tell ME that public education doesn 't work . Go ahead . As long as YOU value education and instill that value in your children , they will get the most out of school that they can . There is a lot there , if you look for it . The teachers aren 't going to stuff knowledge into your head , but they 'll present it so you can take what you want from it . I am really struggling with this decision , but we are planning to send our son to public school . Don 't look at public and private as an either / or option because sometimes there are other options out there . In our school district , we have magnet schools and that is the option we have chosen . Parents are required to volunteer three hours a year ( which I would have done anyway ) and you can get a " private school " education on a public school dollar . I went to both public and private school . Private through 5th grade , and public thereafter . Private schools are better for self - motivated kids that already would excel in school anyways . I found I did better in public school due to diversity , and the fact that the competition was not as fierce for grades ( less stress for me ! ) . My brother , on the other hand , went private schools all the way . It was too stressful for him . He had to repeat the 10th grade . . . twice . Just a thought , but have you considered the impact of an educational environment beyond a child 's school years ? An advantage to at least consider : private schools , even in small towns , teach children to navigate challenging social waters with confidence . They also help students focus on admissions to top colleges where these skills become more valuable . Public school may do the same for many , but I was a shy kid from a working class background who lucked into a ( partial ) scholarship at a small private school school . My prep school tuition and college loans may have been painful at the time , but now I see they bought more than just a top notch education . They effortlessly opened up a social world that made my adult career goals not just possible , but expected . Six degrees of separation shrank to one or two . All thanks to private school . The class sized were extremely small . I had , on average in high school , a 7 or 8 to 1 student - teacher ratio . Imagine trying to daydream or pass notes with only 7 other kids in your class . Not going to happen . We learned how to shut the hell up . The fear of a ruler on the knuckles is enough to make you stay in your seat and pay attention to the lesson . No bullies . Seriously . No lunch money bandits , nobody pushing you around , smacking your books to the ground . Not even any real name calling . The overweight kids got picked last for kickball , but no one ever made fun of them for it . More parental involvement . I 've seen a bunch of studies that show that the more parents are involved in their kid 's education , the better they do . If a parent is dropping between 5 - 25k per year , you better believe they 're going to make sure they 're getting their money 's worth . Everyone else is right : if the kid has some kind of learning or emotional disorder that would require extra help , public schools are probably the way to go . But if the kid is at least an average student and would benefit from tougher academic competition and a stronger sense of community , then you can 't beat a private education , especially in the k - 8 years . We started my son in state preschool and switched to a private school because after being constantly guilted into volunteering in the classroom , I noticed too much regarding the kind of kids my kid was going to school with . I think the day the cop 's kid and the drug dealer 's kid was talking about ' my dad arrested your dad ' with expletives all around I decided you know , let 's make it through second grade before we deal with guns and meth and the F - word used like salt and pepper , shall we ? The switch has been great . There are 10 kids in my sons ' class . The teachers are ex - public school teachers who didn 't want to just record test scores anymore but wanted to actually teach and incorporate the arts . They also flat up don 't tolerate that sort of playground banter and behavioral issues . I went to both and preferred private . My husband did public and has no opinion on it but he too realized we wanted to do a bit of intervention and find a school that reflected our values better . Margaret Garcia - Couoh We started my son in state preschool and switched to a private school because after being constantly guilted into volunteering in the classroom , I noticed too much regarding the kind of kids my kid was going to school with . I think the day the cop 's kid and the drug dealer 's kid was talking about ' my dad arrested your dad ' with expletives all around I decided you know , let 's make it through second grade before we deal with guns and meth and the F - word used like salt and pepper , shall we ? The switch has been great . There are 10 kids in my sons ' class . The teachers are ex - public school teachers who didn 't want to just record test scores anymore but wanted to actually teach and incorporate the arts . They also flat up don 't tolerate that sort of playground banter and behavioral issues . I went to both and preferred private . My husband did public and has no opinion on it but he too realized we wanted to do a bit of intervention and find a school that reflected our values better . Margaret Garcia - Couoh Both of my sons go to a Christian school . My wife runs the kitchen , so we get a break on tuition . As a public high school drop out , I was adamant about putting our boys in private school . My wife on the other hand did fine in public schools . I tended to be lazy , and in public school there wasn 't anyone to push me . I would actually skip school to stay home and read . . . I wish my parents could have afforded private school for me , it took me an extra decade to get to the point in life I would have been if I had graduated . Both of my boys are extremely athletic , and will probably want to go to public high school where they can compete in sports . The only sports their school has is soccer and basketball . I attended private school from preK to 8th grade , then I attended public school for High School . Personally I found private school to be the best education I recieved . During High School I found myself unbelieveably bored and willing to do other student 's homework , which I did on many occassions . I found private school to be wonderful in the education realm but I am glad that I attended public school because of the access to many different social opportunities . The argument about it being dependant on the child is valid , however I am grateful that my mother forced the issue with private school when I was younger and then pursued the idea of public school later on . It was great to see both sides of education and social behavior . My husband and I debate this issue as well for our future children . I personally hope to expose them to both . In regards to " is it worth the money ? " who knows . I know plenty of individuals who attended public school their entire lives and took gifted classes and excelled in High School with Advanced Placement and Independant Study . I also know as many who achieved the same after attending Private School . If anything it could be viewed as an investment . Try it out for a year and if your child doesn 't like it then public school it is . for 8 years , then public work - school type high school ( very unique for its time , junior / senior years , you went year - round , work 2 weeks , school 2 weeks , had to keep high grade average ) , then on to Wright State University in Dayton , OH . You 've really hit a nerve with me with this column . I personally hate the snotty attitude most roman catholics have about their parochial school educations and how they love to badmouth the public schools when in most cases they don 't have a clue what it 's like to leave their little smalltown german / irish catholic neighborhoods their whole lives . I know whereof I speak ; I was catholic for 30 years . Dayton , OH , is a catholic town like many in the U . S . In my 7th and 8th grade years in particular back in the late 60s and early 70s , there were almost no nuns teaching in my parochial school anyway . In my school , they were replaced by an extremely unhappy Latin American guy who hated North Americans , an ex - military officer who 'd wear his uniform daily and was very much out of place , and an unhappy young black woman into black power ( and all white kids sitting in front of her ) . So much for a catholic education . I was only 1 of 8 kids who did not attend the local catholic high school , and I COULD NOT WAIT to be away from the catholic education system and everything to do with it , and I have never regretted it . I seriously , seriously doubt that its system has changed a whit . My niece absolutely hated the abovementioned catholic high school and lasted a month there . Again , the snotty attitudes prevail . Bravo for homeschooling in particular , bravo for alternative schools and for trade - type schools . When I was growing up , kids got sent to private school when they were screwing up academically , and likely to not get into college . It was like the opposite of " dropping out " - like " pulled in " . ( The ones without money just dropped out . ) My family was public school all the way , as were my sibs . I was a slacker and went to Cal like the original poster , and now read blogs at work while I try to code . My brother is now a physicist for UC . My sister is a teacher . On the other hand , I 'm Asian . If I were Latino or Black , I 'd consider private school . The publics seem to allow some minorities to try less hard . . . . are really advantages . For instance , I opposed standardized testing - and I still do , if it 's the only form of evaluation . But because of the testing , our public middle school arranged the schedule so kids would have an extra math or English class each day . And they really focus on giving the kids good study skills as well as good test - taking skills . And having to accomodate all types of kids also worked well for my daughter . It 's called " differentiated learning , " and it means that instead of lecturing at kids you present the material in a variety of different ways . I pulled my younger daughter out of Catholic school in fifth grade , because she wasn 't doing well , and put her in public school . I saw an immediate difference : She was happier and more enthusiastic about learning , and her grades skyrocketed . I kept my older daughter in the parochial school , where the kids sat in their seats all day and listened to the teachers lecture them , often using lesson plans that were older than the students . She hated school , and I hated the huge amounts of homework they loaded on the kids ( so the parents could feel they were getting their money 's worth ) . Not only was the Catholic school academically inferior , it was worse in other ways as well : The teachers yelled at the kids and some were verbally abusive , they played favorites , and bullying was common and often tolerated . I really regret not moving my older daughter to public school earlier . Now she is thriving in a public high school where over 95 percent of the students go on to college , some to very good schools . A lot does depend on the individual schools , but I really think a good public school - not even necessarily a magnet or charter school - has a lot to offer . I 'd check that option out first before shelling out for private school . Save the money for a good college instead . That 's what I 'm doing . As personal background , I went to public school through high school , and now I 'm about to graduate from a private college ( Baylor ) with a chemistry degree . My parents considered putting me in private school about 5th grade - we visited a couple - but I wasn 't really interesteded . All the private school kids I knew were snotty . Which is what I expected when I came to Baylor , but I fell in love with the school , and the people . I had an excellent education , but I was a pretty self motivated kid . I was reading Ten Thousand Leagues under the Sea in 2nd grade . Seriously , it was ridiculous . In high school , I had some classes with 10 , 12 , or even 4 people in them . But I was at the top of my class . Those class sizes were because no one else wanted to take them . . . : ) I find it interesting how many contradictions are in the comments . Some people say that smart , self motivated kids will do just as well in either place , some say those are the ones you want to private school . Some say that the kids who are struggling should be sent to private schools . Some say that kids with learning disabilities need the extra money at public schools , some that they wiill do better in private schools . There are no bullies at private schools , there are more than at public schools . You get the idea . Anyway , I think I 'll send my kids to public schools , unless there are problems there . Or unless they want to go to private school and / or win a scholarship . In Texas , there 's a rule that if you 're in the top 10 % of your high school class , you can go to any state school you want ( and A & M is pretty darn selective , believe it or not ) . Obviously , there 's some controversy over this . . . . My children will consistently have high - quality teachers ( I know not all are amazing , but I think a greater percentage are ) , a challenging curriculum , and a well - maintained campus with well - equipped classrooms and facilities . While I know that they will almost inevitably be exposed to drugs , it is much less likely that they will be exposed to gangs and gang violence ( I live in Los Angeles ) . They will be in an environment where academic achievement is respected and admission to the country 's top colleges for a good portion of each graduating class is expected . A smaller student body will give my children a greater chance to form relationships with friends and faculty and to find a niche they are comfortable in and hopefully a place to excel . I know that I was better off , socially , at my private schools than at my public schools . I attended a private college for undergrad , and a state instution for grad school . I finished school without loans , because I was a scholarship kid . ( I was probably assisted in getting that scholarship by the excellent education I received at my college - prep private high school ) . What you are forgetting is the third choice . Home education . So many people are heading in this direction now . With home school groups in just about every town in America and curriculum aids of all kinds , there really is no better way to go . Home education is the best bang for your buck . The best education without the heavy bill of a private school . Both parents can pitch in their own personal strong points in the education while enjoying the time with their child . No more trying to find time to spend with the child . Living in the right district is no issue or even living close to a private school . The curriculum is soley your choice . The class can be no smaller . And children do not need equipment , they need books and life . And as far as the myth of " what about social life " goes , that is a non - issue . I can tell a home educated child from a mile away by the interaction they are able to have with adults . How many governement - educated children really , and I mean really , have conversations with adults . Shouldn 't that be what you are preparing your children for is life in the adult world . I know many women who go this homeschool route . Some are great - they 've made a choice based on their child 's needs or their religious preferences . Hats off to them who are doing it the right way . You 've never seen a public school kid who can talk to adults ? Really ? My public school educated kid can talk to adults with ease . But she can also talk to children her age . I can tell a home schooled kid a mile away too . They are often routinely the kids who struggle in social settings with peers . I watch them unable to handle our neighborhood swim team b / c they can 't relate to kids in their age group , unable to play structured games in the cul de sac we live on . They have less friends , less of a gasp on modern culture . Maybe you think all of that is wonderful but the real world is made up of lots of kinds of people . If you don 't allow your child safe , healthy expose to the rest of the world , you overload them when they are unleashed on it . Again many parents are doing an excellent but some of them aren 't . Classic example - my friend C barely got through HS and is home schooling her son now . She has no training , doesn 't think she needs any and what she calls an education is basically her normal day . I attended parochial schools K - 12 . In 8th grade at the local Catholic school , I decided not to be confirmed and that I vehemently disagree with much of the religious doctrine . So , I resented attending 4 more years of religion class . I also wished for more fun electives , and begged to go to public school so I could take shop class or auto repair alongside my AP courses . I didn 't realize what a tremendous gift my parents had given me until I went to a public college . I loved the warm and engaging people I met at my university , but was extremely disappointed in the academic level of my peers . I had been writing 6 + page papers as a HS freshman , and up to 20 pages as a senior in AP English . In my college freshman Honors English course , we were challenged to write less than half what I had done in HS . The grammar and diction in the papers I peer - edited were substandard ; I , in turn , gained little from my peer editors . In my non - Honors courses , some of my classmates wrote so poorly that I wondered how they were ever admitted to college ! It was hard to find the push I needed to really develop further in college , when the starting point for the class was much lower than my HS courses were . I know I 'm an academic elitist , and most people would shame me for such behavior . I feel compassion for bright students who care but don 't have access to better teachers . However , it only makes sense to compete with those at or near your own level . Few would fault a pro athlete for declining to play in a pick - up game . ( FWIW , I 'm a crappy athlete ) My husband and I are desperately trying to make the best decision possible for our two children in middle school . We both went to public schools all the way through with with one exception . I attended an all women catholic college for 2 years . Our public education was terrible . Including graduate school and law school , I did my absolute best work ever during the 2 years in private college . Both my children have been in private school all the way through 6th / 7th grade . We tried our local public school for my daughters ' 1st grade and knew it wouldn 't challenge her enough . We have 2 gifted kids , one with a bit of ADD . We have found private school to be worth it for the class size , quality teachers and curriculum up until now . Lately we 've been asking ourselves whether the benefits are worth the lack of economic diversity , ( there is a great amount of racial diversity ) , the 25K ( each ) investment , and the commute . We are also more concerned about the fish in a fish pond problem but we can 't seem to find a lot of data to show whether there is a benefit either way . We know they will need to stand out but it seems like they will need that in private school even more so . If I were in college admissions , I would expect a lot more of a kid with the silver spoon and no real life struggles . But I 'm not sure if this really plays out in reality . And we actually want our kids to struggle and come to appreciate the wide variety of people and life circumstances they will encounter with a public education . We 're just concerned about the actual academic education ! We have been leaning toward public for high school and after reading these comments I am feeling even more confident about public . This is based on the content but surprisingly it 's also because of the quality of writing coming from people advocating public over private . I went to a great public school system and we live now in a great area so we are content with public schools but we have looked around for private ones . However one reason we stay with public schools is the added support for children who learn differently or slower . Our daughter has an IQ on the high side of normal but has a what they call a ' silent learning disability ' because it doesn 't show up on any one testing tool but more of a collectively slow executive processing problems . Which is just gibberish for she 's bright but just needs to go over things more to really learn them and have some extra time in testing to show what she really knows . Private schools can offer small classes but they routinely do not offer extra support in terms of helping kids like mine . In a public school , she gets accommodations and support that have her on the honor roll . We 've looked at private schools and they all are very clear that they keep children on pace more and it is harder for them to fall behind with the extra attention but if it is a learning issue , they are really out of luck . I have to agree with the poster above . I know a few families that homeschool . One is a crazy rightwing witch . Yes , there are plenty of decent Republicans . But this one is one of those nutty racist flat earth types who practically spits with rage whenever she opens her mouth . It would be nice for children to be raised in an environment that 's a little less , uh , angry . It might do her kids good to hear that somebody else could actually feel differently than Mother . I 'm sure the kids look cute arguing for the Gold Standard and the flat tax , but they are like little pissed off robots . Another is a sweet but wifty liberal mom . She would never pressure her precious snowflakes to do anything - - she " unschools " them . The kids are delightful and charming . The teenage boy loves woodworking , which he basically figured out for himself . Reading , however , he has not figured out . At age 15 . He probably has a learning disability . But there was never a reading expert who observed him and helped to correct him at a time of life when his young brain was being formed . But now , it could be too late . And even if it isn 't , there 's nothing going on in that home that would encourage him to take up an activity that requires self - discipline like learning how to read . I am a public school teacher , and I would probably put my kids in private school . I do feel the teachers in public schools are generally better . They are required to complete more education and are provided with ( almost too much ) extra staff development . However , the behavior of the students is horrible . There is a lack of respect for the teachers , the school , and for education in general . And since children are required by law to attend school , there is little that can be done about it . Students are given detentions . They don 't attend . Then they are assigned a Saturday School . They don 't attend . It would be easy to say , well go to the next step and suspend the students , and then if that doesn 't work expel them . But there are so many students that don 't follow the consequences , that it is impossible to do this . As a parent , I would be more worried that my kids are around that kind of attitude so much of the day . Plus , students simply don 't do the work . I will give an assignment and most of the time over half of the class won 't complete it . Forget about homework . It 's impossible to have class discussions about anything because only three or four students will have know what is going on . I give failing grades , but they don 't care . And neither do their parents . I can 't get some of these parents on the phone to save my life ! Or I call to tell them about their child 's failing grade and they say , " Okay , thank you . I will talk to him / her , " but nothing ever changes . When I hear the media talking about our failing schools , I want to scream ! It 's the parents of these kids who are failing . I 'm doing my job as best I can . I can 't physically make a child read or write . Private schools have the option of booting the kids who do nothing . And parents have an extra incentive to make sure their child is doing the work because they are paying for it . I think public schools should fine parents for their children 's poor behavior and lack of effort . Our tax dollars pay for the desk , books , and supplies these student are wasting . Let the parents pay for it if all it is is childcare . Amen , sister ! You really know what is going on ! Parents who sit back and do nothing are the cause of failing public schools . Teachers is public are generally good . They really do care , but you can 't find the overwhelming odds that some kids face at home . You can take the student to the water , but you can 't make them drink . Ok , see your point , but . . . . . since I 've got children ranging from 3 to 24 , I feel like I have some experience in this issue . For Nashville , TN the choice is ambiguous at best . We have some great private schools , and then there are some really bad ones as of late . The graduates of one private school here score poorly compared to public schools in a nearby county . And teaching techniques have evolved greatly in the last 18 years that I have physically participated . Furthermore , some private schools weed out illegal immigrants just because of accessibility alone , so there is less drag on the over all performance of that school . So , bottom line is where do you live ? Sounds like you need to live in a rich area , like Brentwood , and attend public school with every other child ( that can afford to live there . ) I have been solely educated by public schools and I feel that I have a major disadvantage as compared to those who were educated in the private school system . For one , I don 't earn all that much money relative to my great number of years of schooling and there has been no networking for me despite this being the way most jobs are gotten these days . Plus , public schools are just like the public sector - - let 's see how cheaply we can do everything ! If you want a chance at a decent existence and some luxuries in life , go for private schooling . If you want to attend lower class schools without a hint of opulence , no one to network with , and a lower middle class existence , do what I did . Trust me ! Private schools have no accountability for doing the " right " things . When you land in a corrupt private school with the best intentions for your child and find out they will only promote their high donating kiss ass families you will suffer dearly . Your might have top students even in a private environment and your child may still be treated at the lowest levels . Best to take a for sure risk our Public school system . By the way Public schools have much more to offer for a well rounded student anyway . I have been reading the post and find it interesting that security in the public schools were not mentioned . I have a 5 year old that is in private K and will be going to private school in Sept . I live in NJ and the public school i am zoned to is about 100 years old and has below state test scores . I was willing to at least give the school a try and go in and look around since the private school we are sending our daughter to is very expensive 21k . When i walked into the public school at 9 : 00 a young girl about 10 was at the door and told me where the main office was . There were kids sitting on the stairs and walking around the hallways . The main office was cluttered with piles of papers and very disorganized . I walked out and decided right there i was not sending my daughter there . She is very bright and has been reading since 18 months . She needed a school that would challenge her . I am not Catholic , but my husband and I registered her in the local Catholic school just in case she didn 't get into P school . We felt secure leaving her there since the doors are kept locked and the staff is on top of the students . I don 't know if she would have gotten a better education in public or Catholic school but we just learned she was excepted in the private school we wanted . For 21k a year she will get a 7 : 1 teacher ratio , teachers with masters and special certifications in their fields . The school is set up like a college . i had my doubts sending her to such an expensive school , but my peace of mind that she will be in a safe place with kids who are academically on or close to her level is what i needed . Children who are gifted have no resources in the public schools because they usually are only gifted in a few areas and may lag behind in others . They are special needs children too with no place to go , but private school . I don 't know how this will work out , but i feel good that i am giving my daughter the best environment for her learning potential that i can . My husband and i were planning to move , but with the housing maREPLY I went to Catholic / private lower / middle / high school and public college . The difference was mind - blowing for me . I have a son now so I 'm concerned with this debate now more than ever . I just don 't think you can put a price on the networking and exposure aspects that a private school can offer . My wife is a NYC public school teacher and she sees what normally goes on in your run - of - the - mill NYC public school . The very best kids usually end up bored , the struggling kids get left behind , and the middle of the pack kids just get by . One thing that concerns me is the cost . While I find the tuition to be really pricey , what bothers me more is that they just set their prices based upon WHAT ? The fact that rival schools charge that much ? Their operating costs ? Their locations ? Their payroll ? How can every school in Manhattan and Brooklyn be $ 28 , 000 - $ 32 , 000 ? I feel that they just make their costs the same as the other schools , just so they aren 't perceived as being cheap or less prestigious , not because it actually costs that student that much for the education . I went to public school from kindergarten - 7th grade . Then because I had ADHD my parents were able to let me go to private school for free because of a grant . I didn 't like it , but that 's because back then I didn 't like school period and I wasn 't a christian . I did a little more research into the differences between public and private schools and found out some interesting facts . I even taught at a private school once ( it was a baptist one though . . . ) Public schools are terrible because of gangs , drugs , there 's a lot of bad kids that go there and do bad things . I would not want my child growing up to be a hoodlum with a baby at sixteen which is why I would not expose my child to that kind of chaos and depravity . Plus public school classes are much too large and a child can 't get the individual attention that they need . Not in the least way do I take any sort of prejudice against Christians , but I have found that christian private schools aren 't much better than public schools . In a sense it 's as though they " zap " the child 's creativity by binding them to an impossibly strict set of rules . And I think it 's better to not force a religion on a child as they will grow up to dislike it , in most cases . The best schools I have found are non - religious based private schools . They strive for their students to receive the best academic standards , classes are small , they aren 't around so much drugs and violence like the public schools . I am certainly not wealthy , but I believe that private school is worth every penny . After all , we should all strive for better education for ourselves and our children . We tried all three options ; private , public and homeschool . Homeschool wins hands down . Flexible , as expensive or inexpensive as you want it to be , total freedom to pursue different methods and special interests , week long field trips / vacations in the uncrowded seasons , and a great community of like minded people to share expertise and equipment . Read " How to Home School " by Gayle Graham or " The Right Choice " by Chris Klicka before dismissing this as an option . Went to public school in San Francisco from K - 8th grade . The middle school I attended was a JOKE . I started hanging around with the wrong crowd , cutting classes and failing all my classes . My parents didn 't even find out I was cutting classes until half the school year was over . When they found out they enrolled me in a private catholic school , which I attended from 9th to 12th grade . The experience changed my life and I vowed that if I ever had children I would NEVER send them to public school . I agree with comment from the public school teacher that the majority of kids in public school ( especially in urban communities such as SF ) are unruly and disrespectful . I now have 3 children ages 10 to 19 . They are all in private school from the time they were in kinder . Yes , it is expensive , especially in SF , but I consider it an investment in their future . The teahcers from private school don 't take crap from the kids . I agree with another parent who commented that there were no bullies , no fighting , no name calling or teasing . Of course there 's a small number of rebellious students , but they are usually put in their place fast . Disrespect is never tolerated in private school . The consequences for bad behavior or poor academics - you get kicked out . There 's no time for nonsense in private school . Unlike public school , where kids are talking back to teachers or behaving badly . Kids who act up in private school get expelled and get thrown into public school . I disagree with one parent who thinks that private school kids are not living in the " real world " because they are not dealing with real life issues . The high school my kids attend has a 100 hour committment from each student that requires them to do volunteer work directly related to the Sick , aged , homeless and disabled . My oldest son , even after he graduated , volunteers at the homeless shelter and food banks . Public schools don 't have this requirement and alot of kids never even exposed to that experience . I 'm not saying that all public schools are bad , but in SF , the public school system is disappointing . My son 's friend in 8th grade who attended private school and barely passed with a D average - now goes to the local public high school and now takes honors English class . What does that tell you about the school system . I would never trust my kids education to the public school system in SF . My oldest son begged us to send him to public school in 9th grade , we flat out refused and told him it was for his own good and he 'd thank us later . He graduated last year and did thank us for it . He now attended a small private university . I realize I 'm a johnny - come - two - years - late to this discussion , but I think the points raised are even more relevant today than they were two years ago . Interestingly enough , our current economic downturn has made private schools an attractive option for a lot of families . State budget - tightening means that public schools are cutting back even more on what they offer . Too often this results in an increase in class size and reduction of classes , subjects and services . Many parents - who previously may have never even considered private education - are investigating whether private schools could work for their families because they are not willing to compromise their child 's education and future . i 'm looking into boarding schools as a possible last 2 years of high school for me , and most everything i 've read seems to me like its worth it . all my life up to 10th grade i 've been in the public system . . . and sadly im just not challenged . it really bothers me that i have to , im not sure how to say this , uhm , tone down my learing attitude ? well my usual class size can range from 20 - 30 kids per class and im not with equal minded kids who WANT to learn . I 've brought it up to my parents before but they say it isnt worth the cost to them . i have a sizable dowry to pay for my education , but my parents dont want to spend it on boarding school , they say the payoff isnt worth it . the way i see it though is , if i can get financial aid for the boarding school than i should have at least a little left , and with the experience yadda yadda knowledge , etc i expect to get at a boarding school than that should lend me to a better scholarship than if i just went public the whole way and not have too many loans to worry about in the future . . . . at least thats what i hope will happen . i know that simply attending some prestigous school wont gurantee me a free ride , but i think its worth the risk . my parents are , ironically enough , pressuring me to pursue the arts , which doesnt pay very well in my eyes , and i want to be more than just some no name penniless artist working painting to painting . it really is ironic . as a student wanting to attend a private boarding school do you all have any ideas to really getting my parents to understand why i want to do this ? although my older brother got kicked out of a local private school , so they may have more convictions than the average parent . . . . . Wow ! What a great forum ! I think as moms we are constantly searching for the best for our children . A lot of people associate better with money . Unfortunately it is impossible to compare public to private , because there are so many different types of private and public schools . I attended parochial schools from 1st to 12th grade . It was very much a " bubble " , but I 'd say it was a good experience in grammar school , not necessarily in high school though . My father had 8 children , six of whom were girls , so Catholic schools were the only option in his eyes . I will say that we went to the " lower income " catholic school , not the elite schools , so there was never any " holier than though " attitude from students . We were taught social justice and became one big family in grade school . In high school I was envious of a few friends who left the Catholic school to attend charter high schools . There was so much more opportunity at some of the public high schools in the arts , drama , etc . I feel like I missed out on a lot due to lack of programs at my catholic high school . My eldest son is attending his 4th year in public school in the fall . It is so close to home that we walk to school . It is very easy for me to be involved due to proximity . I will say this though , when looking for schools , go backward . Pick the high school first , then find the path to get them there . Sounds odd but I 've slowly discovered this in the past few years . In Australia - private schools are * * * * . I am a boarder as well , so my parents pay like $ 40 , 000 + per year and I am regretting the education here now . I used to enjoy the extra co - curricular , but now as I approach my university - entrance exams , I find private schools much worse academically than the selective schools . If I had to re - do , I would only enter private schools on the basis of scholarships or for other merits than academic . I would also not choose Australia to be a boarder . I 'd probably go to the US or UK . Worse comes to worse , an international school . My background : I went to a Catholic school K - 8 and then a public HS even though I had wanted to go to a Catholic HS . My parents , solidly working class with 5 kids said that they had specifically moved to that neighborhood on Long Island because of the public school system . I got a fantastic education from K - 8 and did they drill us on correct grammar ! I got a wonderful education in HS with many teachers caring about me and my future . Some crucial points though : my HS had only 850 children . I graduated number 10 without much effort , and playing 2 sports a year . Got into an Ivy League college . Now we have four kids , one of whom has ADHD , and we are trying to make the decision about whether or not to invest in private HS for them , which , all in , would cost us close to 200k for all of them . We will certainly have to be very frugal to make this work . Not to mention having very little saved for their college . The public school here is ' good ' but huge with 2000 kids . This concerns me . How could a teacher possibly care about my child and his future ? How could they have the time ? According to my daughter , who attends the public secondary school that feeds into the public HS , there is a lot of disrespect toward teachers , and a lot of teachers who won 't ( can 't ? ) stop such behavior . She says she often does the work on her own because the class is disruptive . She is in honors classes . She often comes home and looks on google to understand an algebra concept and I ask her , " can 't you stay after class and ask the teacher to explain it more ? " and her reply is , " we are not allowed , there is only enough time to get to your next class . " Your husband might be right about some public schools not having labs as nice as those in private schools , but I don 't think that 's true of public schools in Northern Virginia ! Our two children were lucky enough to have excellent teachers and wonderful facilities ( including excellent science labs ) throughout their 13 years of public education . In fact my son had 14 years of public education , because he had a disability that qualified him for special ed preschool . He also had speech therapy , physical therapy or an adapted PE curriculum , and either a classroom aide or a personal assistant from preschool through the middle of tenth grade ! No private school we visited ( and we checked out several ) could offer that level of support . Both of my children also attended public universities - - the University of Virginia in my daughter 's case , the University of Maryland College Park in my son 's . My daughter liked UVA so much that she returned and earned her law degree there ! Neither one of them got " lost in the shuffle . " I am currently a Senior in a Catholic High School . . . but went to public school every year up until 9th grade . In my experience the public schoolwork seemed to be much harder than the catholic / private school . I also only get maybe 15min to about an hour or so MOST nights , while my public school friends end up having maybe one hour to three hours . I felt like my school had much better funding overall for programs , classes , and nearly everything else . My school is fairly big on sports and theatre too , so nearly every area a child would be interested would be covered . My friends who didn 't go to my school often complained about how something wasn 't funded properly , or that the school needed to get something better than whatever it had . While funding and stuff like that kind of made the tuition kind of acceptable for me after 9th grade , what I found the best reason for me to go to Catholic High Schools was the environment ( again , this is specific to my school most likely ) . While in my public school district we did have many talented students , their was a fairly large population of students who seemed like they were in school only because it was required , and didn 't care about anything that had to do with school . They had little to no plans for college , and many sat down to take the SAT ( Public HS was the test center nearest to me and my HS wasn 't one ) but I could see that they didn 't care . Many simply stared out the window . In my Catholic HS , it seemed like the student population was mostly the upper tier athletes , academically gifted students , or great artists and singers . Most of my friends in the football and basketball teams were very smart , and managed to maintain overall averages of over 90 , with at least five of the athletes having maybe 95 + . I say this only because I used to think that athletes were really jocks who weren 't the brightest and got by on their athleticism . Of course not everybody was a shining star , but there must have been a very little amount of students who seemed borderline pass / fail . I would maybe hear mention of a troublesome kid once or twice a year , and everybody was fairly focused on their studies or the programs they were involved in . Guidance counselors were extremely helpful ( In my cousins public HS in NJ , his GC barely helped with the little things , so my GC ended up giving me info I passed on to him ) , colleges were more inclined to come to our school and meet with the students and offer help if we had / have any questions . We had a great library and a whole wired / connected computer system schoolwide ( it sound impressive but some of the features the school had were fairly amazing and extremely useful . . . these were features I knew the public HS didn 't have . ) In the Private school I had a better friends circle I guess , and the fact that classmates weren 't made up of students who seemed like complete idiots kind of brushed off good habits for me . Students worked hard in school , and had priorities in order . Students also seemed much nicer from my perspective , although in public school I never had a problem of not getting along with anyone , but I would see my friends being mean to other kids , or having unofficial gangs in a way . In the Catholic school though even the " gangsters " , jocks , theater , geeks , emo kids were nice to each other . You could walk up to a seemingly stupid football player and have an intelligent conversation , and nerds could talk to the most beautiful girl in school and become friends easily . People weren 't discriminated against and were generally more accepting . In terms of private / public university I don 't know how much it would matter , but I am still appying to colleges ( both public and private ) . I 'm not choosing a college on whether or not it is private or not , but private colleges do seem much more expensive . Public Universities are still great , and in many respects better than private colleges . SUNY and CUNY schools are amazing and incredibly cheap . In California the UC schools like UCLA and the like are amazing as well . I 'm sure others are as well but those were the main colleges I looked into , along with a couple private schools . I know this is an old post but I figured as a current senior college student , I can give my take . It all depends on where you grew up . I grew up in a really small farming community and there was only one high school . The closest private high school was about 30 minutes away and my parents were not going to drive me every morning . My high school was horrible . At the time I didn 't think about it , but it was . The average ACT score was 20 . 6 for my class and I had a 31 . I was so bored at that school , but it did get a little better when I took night classes at the local community college . I am currently going to a private college where the work is really hard ( they are ranked in the top 30 in the USA ) . When I stepped foot into my first chemistry lab , it was like I was in another world ! ! ! I had no idea what was going on . And my first chemistry lab report was one of the hardest assignments of my life . But i was in the minority . I remember asking my roommate if I could see his lab report , and he banged out 9 pages in one day ! I was shocked ! He told me that he already did it in high school and it was very easy for him . I would say about 80 % of students didn 't struggle . Yes , eventually , I caught up to speed but there are just fundamentals that other students knew that I was never taught in high school . I tell my parents to have my younger brother who is currently in high school , to take summer classes at a nearby college . On the other hand , my girlfriend grew up in a big city . She went to a public high school that was ranked in the top ten in the state . Then she moved and her last two years was at a private school . Last summer , I was helping her packed up her stuff when I saw several notebooks . I opened them up and saw all they were chemistry lab notes from her private high school . They were exactly the same format and depth as intro college chemistry ! She told me her teacher in high school used to be a professor and that a lot of the teachers there have masters or phd 's . So if you value your kids education and future , tryREPLY From my experience with switching from public to private to public ( as I attended private only for a few years in high school ) , not all schools are created equal . Not that my local public school was bad ( considering that I lived in Bloomfield Hills , MI . . . a pretty rich area in these parts ) , but the nearby private school I attended was light - years ahead . Heck , I was reading Milton in my Sophomore year in private high school . Is Private better than Public ? Not sure , as those are pretty broad terms . But , Ill tell you . . . nothing beats a top private school education in terms of kicking your a @@ every night , especially if you want your kids to be spending school breaks reading from the likes of Homer , Beckett and Chaucer . Is that type of education right for every student ? Probably not . Will it transform your kid into a successful well - adjusted human being ? Not sure .
|
Home » Career and Income » Education & Training » Are Private Schools Worth the Money They Demand ? Are Private Schools Worth the Money They Demand ? By Xin Lu on 30 January 2008 I admit it , I am a product of public schools from pre - school through college and I am quite proud of it . By going to public schools I helped my parents save a king 's ransom and going to a public college is a big reason why I ended up with no loans and a good amount of savings . I married a man who loved his sixteen plus years of private education but it is hard for me to fathom how much money his parents had to spend over those years . One day we had a discussion about having kids and he said we would have to send them to private school , and I said I did not think it was worth the money because I got an excellent education in public schools . So he argued his case for private schools and I will list some of his points here . Generally families are assigned to public school districts by the location of their home . This creates expensive real estate in the towns that are supposed to have a good public school district . It is probably cheaper to pay for a private school for a few years than to pay for an extremely high mortgage in an expensive area with a good public school . For schools to be accredited they do have to have an approved core curriculum , but private schools can teach additional things like religion or design specialty programs that focus on math and science . Many people choose private schools for religious reasons and it is understandable to choose belief over money . My husband was able to choose a school that focused on engineering and he loved the projects he had in high school . I am not sure that this is true in all cases . I went to a very small public high school and I felt like I had a lot of attention from my teachers , but once I entered UC Berkeley I was a bit overwhelmed by the auditorium sized classes . So I do think that smaller class sizes are better and on average private schools do have smaller classes than public schools . This is probably true for the most part because private schools generally have more funding per student than large public schools . I remember that my science lab in high school was quite dilapidated and consisted of a few tables and sinks . I did tour a private high school once and they had the most beautiful art room and labs and I was awfully jealous . After my husband made his points , I am not totally counting out private schools for my offspring now . The frugal part of me still is not completely convinced that it is worth spending over a hundred thousand dollars for private high schools . When it gets to the college level many state universities can be just as competitive as private institutions . I think ultimately it is up to our future children to excel in their own manner . If they are excellent students they will be able to get scholarships , and if they wanted to they can flourish in a public school . On the other hand , if they do not care about succeeding then it does not matter how much money I spend on them . Wise Bread readers , do you think that private schools give you an edge ? Are they really worth the money if you had to pay full price ? As some background , I attended private parochial schools through eighth grade , a small public high school and a small private college . I think private schools are worthwhile for children . The biggest reason is that no one tends to get " lost in the shuffle . " Public schools have fewer resources , normally , and that lends itself to educating to the middle of the group . Those that lag behind get left and those that excel get bored . Private schools are better able to give individual attention to all levels during the education process . Actually , it is quite false that private schools , on average , spend more per pupil than public schools . However , a large chunk of public school per - pupil spending goes for meeting the needs of special needs students ( disability , ESL students , etc . ) , whom the public schools are legally obligated to accommodate . Another chunk goes toward the necessarily larger administrative overhead ; whether it 's 10 elementary schools or 100 to coordinate , it 's going to cost more . Finally , I believe public school teacher salaries are actually higher on average than private schools . So it 's really an apples - to - oranges comparison . The " all comers " aspect of the public schools makes it difficult to compare outcomes . There couldn 't be a worse selection bias if you tried ! There is evidence , though , that when you control for socioeconomic factors , private school students perform the same or in some cases worse than matched public - school counterparts . That said , the answer to your question is surely " it depends . " On where you live : there are places , for example , with both a reasonable cost of living and very decent public schools . Places where the public schools a mediocre but there aren 't better private alternatives . Places where the motivated parent can get their child into a specialized public education setting for free , such as a magnet or charter school . On your kids : are they academically inclined ? do they have special needs ? what setting are they socially most comfortable in ? I would really like to know where this person has recieved there information from ? I myself went to a Catholic private school up to 10th . grade when my parents swithed me to public school . I was so far ahead when I was in private school I had enough points to graduate in 10th grade public school ? ? Also 70 % was passing in private school verses 60 % passing in public school . Plus I had maybe 1 study hall in private school verses back to back study halls in public school . Plus Home schooled children tend to have HIGHER SAT scores than those in public school . I 'm just talking from first hand knowledge . I live in the Northeast , which should become relevant in a minute . I attended a Catholic grammar school and the local public high school . I think it all depends on the child . In terms of higher education what you need is a big fish in a big pond ( ultimately , if you can get it ) . Colleges and Universities are looking for diversity and those students who stood out among their peers . Now , this can be accomplished in a variety of ways , get them Irish Step Dancing and have them win Worlds , colleges will accept them . But , academically , it 's harder to do . My Catholic school was fine . I did have one amazing teacher in the 7th and 8th grade who made everything related to English a breeze from then on because , if you 'll pardon my French , she kicked our arses and didn 't take any BS and she was a nun . At the time we thought she was Satan in a habit but since I 've learned to appreciate her and would call her one of my best teachers ever . After 8th grade ' graduation ' , many of my classmates went on to all female or all male Catholic high schools , a few to suburban public , and I went to the local , urban , not with the best reputation because I " m a rebel , public high school ( Lawrence High in Lawrence , MA for any of you familiar ) . I came out 3rd in my class ( I " m a total school slacker , I learn and retain easily therefore the effort necessary to make it to Valedictorian would have eaten into my social time , any tips on how to change this with my masters program are totally welcome . ) with the actual highest SAT score in my class ( loads of ESL students ) and was accepted to all colleges applied , with the exception of Bowdoin and Tufts , classmates ranked lower than I but of a more ethnic persuasion were accepted at both . ( Just for the record , that got me into UMass Amherst , Middlebury , Hamilton College , Tulane University , George Washington University and I think American University . ) Some would maybe make an argument that , yeah , I went to a subpar school and stood out , but how did I do in college ? ? Well , I went to Tulane , slacker mentality prevailed and I graduated with a 3 . 3 GPA , BA in Art History and plenty of time on my hands to party hardy at Mardi Gras . Since I 've pretty much slacked around for a while without direction and now I 'm going for my masters in education from UMass Boston and hope to teach in an urban high or middle school . See , the secret is these schools get LOADS of funding and loads of opportunities and my school , at least , was not plagued by the John Hughes syndrome ( nerds , geeks , jocks , slackers ) , we knew we were all sort of underdogs in the eyes of the surrounding community and we bonded together . If you were in more advanced classes than someone else they didn 't label you , they asked for help with their math homework . It was great . Now , Lawrence High had a program were you could spend a semester at Phillips Andover and I took advantage of this . I will admit it was fun to live there , the food was free and plentiful and yummy , and the classes were interesting ( we only took two I think , I took an acting class and Urban Studies which is why we were there , take the poor kids and see how they react , I 'm not kidding ) and we had to keep up with our work at LHS so our teachers came to visit once a week and we had no problems . My point is Andover has a place BUT the vast majority of people I met there and I think you can check this out , ended up at UMass . A large number of Andover grads do NOT end up at Harvard , Yale , Princeton , etc because those schools don 't want them . They want big fish and you 're basically competing with a bunch of people in the same boat as you , at best you 're a fish in a fishpond . And I am not disparaging UMass at all , I almost went there , but who spends $ 20k + on high school for a kid hoping he 'll get into the local , public , state University ? And , after all that , my point is , it 's all dependent on the child . If you have a smart kid who will do well and needs a bit of a challenge , I 'd send them public and not really worry about ' good ' districts . ( the ' good ' district by me has lost all funding for sports , all art and all music , although parents might be able to pay a fee because the override or tax hike or whatever failed . ) You can get an education anywhere and everywhere has good , dedicated teachers to help with this . There are also crap teachers everywhere . If your child needs extra attention or extra motivation , I 'd go private because that 's where they excel and the smaller class sizes would benefit . Students with a tougher time will not slip through the cracks as easily at smaller , private schools . That said , a student , if he or she wants to , can disappear in any setting . Should I have children , I will struggle with this question myself . My main points right now is that I am adamant that they will pay for their own college education ( most of it ) and I will not reinvent their room at home in college by hiring a decorator , etc . I think that 's stupid . Your husband makes some valid points - - and definitely items to consider , such as the cost of buying a home in a great school district vs . paying private school tuition , opportunity for specialized training , etc . Public charter schools and magnet schools can tilt the balance back toward public schools in some systems . There is a new magnet high school in my area offering specialized studies in biotechnology and computer engineering , for example . You may have seen this report on the Nations ( USA ) Schools : basically , kids at private schools do perform better than those at public schools ; but if you adjust for socio - economic factors , they perform about the same ( depending on the grade and type of private school , public schools outperform private schools ) . The message being that you shouldn 't make assumptions about what type of school is better but check out the schools , public and private in your area before making a decision . In my area , parents are often surprised that , when they switch from private to public schools , their children lag in academic performance . So I should mention that I , too , attended public schools from elementary school through college . REPLY One thing to remember here is that the public vs . private debate is not an all or nothing proposal . You don 't have to commit to either 13 years of one or 13 years of the other . I started kindergarten in a public school and stayed there until second grade , when we moved to a city that had bad public education . In fifth grade , we moved again , this time to a wealthy district , but one whose elementary education was only geared for the " lowest common denominator " . By seventh grade , I 'd reentered public education , and stayed there until the end of my undergrad studies . I think this is highly dependent on the child . I attended public school from elementary through high school , but went to a private college . I hated school , but loved college . My son has attended both public and private schools . I don 't necessarily believe that private schools offer a better education . The only difference is they push harder and move faster because the parents are paying for their kids to attend . I put my son in a private school because the public school we were in was horrible . He wasn 't learning anything . He was bored , unchallenged , plus he needed help fitting in socially and the school district was unwilling to offer him services based on his academics . I thought putting him in a private school would offer him a better education , with smaller class sizes , and I would see some positive benefits . It was the worst decision I ever made . My ten year old nearly had an emotional breakdown by the end of the year due to the massive amounts of work , the emphasis on written work , the fact that he didn 't fit in , and by the end of the year he was so burned out , that I felt guilty for even trying this experiment . We moved to a different school district , and he is back in public school . He is receiving the help he needed socially . The work is still unchallenging for him , most of it is a repeat of what he learned last year , but he does well . I don 't think we need to worry about straight A 's in fifth grade . The school has clubs , and he is in a science club that he really enjoys . It is a much better school than the private school I sent him to last year that cost several thousand dollars . It may not be the BEST public school in my area , in fact it is rated as a failing school , but it is a good fit for my son . Before considering another private school , I 'd have to see some reason why the public school system couldn 't offer the same thing . My experience is that kids who have learning disabilities , ADHD , Asperger 's or other challenges do not do well in private schools . Most private schools look for kids who can do their work without extra motivation , basically , they look for the " good kids . " My son doesn 't fit that profile . He 's better off in a public school that offers him a certain amount of services for his learning disabilities and doesn 't push loads of work on him . In private school we were doing at least two hours of homework a night , and often more like four or five . Now , we seldom do more than two . Usually homework is done in about an hour . The only way I 'd put a child like my son back in a private school is if it was a school specifically for kids with learning difficulties . Otherwise , he can continue to attend the local public school , even if it might not be the best school , until college . Then he can decide if he wants to go to a public or private college . I liked my private college experience , but I did end up paying back a lot of loans . Not that I could afford it anyways - I wouldn 't choose private school for my kidlets if I had the money . My kids need to live in a real world - not a fabricated one of monied isolationists . They need to see other life situations - families not necessarily mirroring their own , how other kids with issues work through them , etc . I think my kids learn a great deal of empathy and support for their peers in the inclusive public school classrooms they are in . For example , my daughter ( soon to be 9 ) takes great pride in helping a learning challenged friend catch up to the lesson when she gets back from speech therapy twice a week . I can see some here would say - its not her responsibility , she should be in an environment where she only has to deal with ehr own needs - but to what end ? Complete self involvement ? It seems we have enough of those types in the world already . I went to both public and private school and in my case I did much better in the private school but I lived in NY city where there are many many different types of private schools , there weren 't choices for public schools other than specialized high schools when I was going to school . I went to a progressive school , which was a great fit for me . It wouldn 't be a great fit for every kid . I do agree that it does depend on the kid , some kids will do well where ever they go and others need a specific kind of environment to thrive . There isn 't an easy answer as I don 't think private school is always the answer especially if there isn 't much variety , yes the academics might be better but the pace , culture etc may not be right for your child or your family . I don 't think there is a right or wrong answer . The only major drawback to public school for me is the standardized testing and not so good teachers and / or schools may focus on " passing " the test as opposed to actually teaching . For me that is a concern . However , magnet or charter schools may not have the same requirement to test every year . Public Schools are at a disadvantage not because of money - Private schools usually make due with less - but because of philosophy . Public Schools emphasis on political correctness , diversity & making sure nothing ' damages ' a child 's self - esteem is misguided & leads to a de - emphasis on things academic . A simple example : whereas in most private schools ( forget uniforms for a minute ) , if a student came in inappropriately dressed , say just wearing a baseball cap , in most cases in public school , teachers wouldn 't even take note . They might even be afraid of a lawsuit . In private school , the student would be told to take it off & put it away . When you think of all the money spent on public education ( and I realize the mantra is give us more , more , more ) and the poorly educated students they turn out , it 's a bit mind - boggling ! Two problems : teachers ' union and bloated administration . Teacher 's unions understandably look out for their own interests , not the students . They wish for and really have no accountability . In most school districts , it 's impossible to fire blatantly incompetent teachers . In NYC , for instance , the really bad ones they segregate to what is commonly referred to as ' rubber rooms ' . There they don 't teach , they don 't do anything except maybe read the newspaper , and there they sit collecting salary , bene 's and finally retirement ! I 've often wondered why there isn 't a Parent 's Union looking out for theirs and their children 's best interest . The PTA doesn 't fulfill that role . And , if you look at where public schools spend their dollars , too little goes to the classroom . Public schools have overdone bureaucracies with layers upon layers of un - needed personnel , paid very well thank you . Private schools are far from perfect . I went to parochial schools through high school , and maybe it was my rebellious spirit , but I thought I had to go to college just to make up for what I missed . For my daughter - 8 years old - we have her in a private school , a very good one . She 's in second grade reading at a 6th grade or 7th grade level . No one bats an eyelash . With Math she 's only a grade ahead . I pay dearly - 10K a year ! And we live in a nice area where the public schools are good . I just figure that we 're ' front - loading ' the process , giving her a real head start and cultivating her love of learning . Maybe that will pay off , literally , when she gets to college age . Maybe ? I think it really depends . I 've been to a mix - - public through 9th grade , private boarding school for the rest of high school , public college , private graduate school . . . and the only place where I really felt that I was * educated * , out of all of them , was the private boarding school . The rest were about the same quality regardless of price , probably at least partially because we lived in a good neighborhood . Great discussion , and I learned a lot . When my parents brought me from China to Hawaii we couldn 't afford a private school , but from the sound of it I probably would not have survived in a private school since I did not know English at that time . In the public school I was able to be excused from English class and go to ESL class and quickly picked up English in about a year . Then in ninth grade I was accepted to a fairly fancy private school on full scholarship , but our family moved from Hawaii to California and I didn 't want to be away from my parents . So they rented an apartment in a good school district so I could attend the school . That seemed to be the most economic choice . Later in my junior year of high school they purchased a home in a town that 's seriously a block away from my high school , but happens to be over the county line and was valued a tens of thousands dollars cheaper than the house next door . My high school had a policy that said if you moved out of the district you can still be a continuing student as long as you maintain a B average . I really loved my high school and I don 't think I would have fit in in that beautiful private school . So I do appreciate going to public schools and never really experienced the other choice . My husband said his parents let him choose his own schools and I think that is what we will let our kids do . If they like the public school they see then that 's great . So why not go there ? I think that 's probably the most FRUGAL option anyway . Get your kids into honors programs and it 'll almost be like they 're in a private school . I went to public school from K - 12 and in college . Today , I 'm a true blue rocket scientist . Tell ME that public education doesn 't work . Go ahead . As long as YOU value education and instill that value in your children , they will get the most out of school that they can . There is a lot there , if you look for it . The teachers aren 't going to stuff knowledge into your head , but they 'll present it so you can take what you want from it . I am really struggling with this decision , but we are planning to send our son to public school . Don 't look at public and private as an either / or option because sometimes there are other options out there . In our school district , we have magnet schools and that is the option we have chosen . Parents are required to volunteer three hours a year ( which I would have done anyway ) and you can get a " private school " education on a public school dollar . I went to both public and private school . Private through 5th grade , and public thereafter . Private schools are better for self - motivated kids that already would excel in school anyways . I found I did better in public school due to diversity , and the fact that the competition was not as fierce for grades ( less stress for me ! ) . My brother , on the other hand , went private schools all the way . It was too stressful for him . He had to repeat the 10th grade . . . twice . Just a thought , but have you considered the impact of an educational environment beyond a child 's school years ? An advantage to at least consider : private schools , even in small towns , teach children to navigate challenging social waters with confidence . They also help students focus on admissions to top colleges where these skills become more valuable . Public school may do the same for many , but I was a shy kid from a working class background who lucked into a ( partial ) scholarship at a small private school school . My prep school tuition and college loans may have been painful at the time , but now I see they bought more than just a top notch education . They effortlessly opened up a social world that made my adult career goals not just possible , but expected . Six degrees of separation shrank to one or two . All thanks to private school . The class sized were extremely small . I had , on average in high school , a 7 or 8 to 1 student - teacher ratio . Imagine trying to daydream or pass notes with only 7 other kids in your class . Not going to happen . We learned how to shut the hell up . The fear of a ruler on the knuckles is enough to make you stay in your seat and pay attention to the lesson . No bullies . Seriously . No lunch money bandits , nobody pushing you around , smacking your books to the ground . Not even any real name calling . The overweight kids got picked last for kickball , but no one ever made fun of them for it . More parental involvement . I 've seen a bunch of studies that show that the more parents are involved in their kid 's education , the better they do . If a parent is dropping between 5 - 25k per year , you better believe they 're going to make sure they 're getting their money 's worth . Everyone else is right : if the kid has some kind of learning or emotional disorder that would require extra help , public schools are probably the way to go . But if the kid is at least an average student and would benefit from tougher academic competition and a stronger sense of community , then you can 't beat a private education , especially in the k - 8 years . We started my son in state preschool and switched to a private school because after being constantly guilted into volunteering in the classroom , I noticed too much regarding the kind of kids my kid was going to school with . I think the day the cop 's kid and the drug dealer 's kid was talking about ' my dad arrested your dad ' with expletives all around I decided you know , let 's make it through second grade before we deal with guns and meth and the F - word used like salt and pepper , shall we ? The switch has been great . There are 10 kids in my sons ' class . The teachers are ex - public school teachers who didn 't want to just record test scores anymore but wanted to actually teach and incorporate the arts . They also flat up don 't tolerate that sort of playground banter and behavioral issues . I went to both and preferred private . My husband did public and has no opinion on it but he too realized we wanted to do a bit of intervention and find a school that reflected our values better . Margaret Garcia - Couoh We started my son in state preschool and switched to a private school because after being constantly guilted into volunteering in the classroom , I noticed too much regarding the kind of kids my kid was going to school with . I think the day the cop 's kid and the drug dealer 's kid was talking about ' my dad arrested your dad ' with expletives all around I decided you know , let 's make it through second grade before we deal with guns and meth and the F - word used like salt and pepper , shall we ? The switch has been great . There are 10 kids in my sons ' class . The teachers are ex - public school teachers who didn 't want to just record test scores anymore but wanted to actually teach and incorporate the arts . They also flat up don 't tolerate that sort of playground banter and behavioral issues . I went to both and preferred private . My husband did public and has no opinion on it but he too realized we wanted to do a bit of intervention and find a school that reflected our values better . Margaret Garcia - Couoh Both of my sons go to a Christian school . My wife runs the kitchen , so we get a break on tuition . As a public high school drop out , I was adamant about putting our boys in private school . My wife on the other hand did fine in public schools . I tended to be lazy , and in public school there wasn 't anyone to push me . I would actually skip school to stay home and read . . . I wish my parents could have afforded private school for me , it took me an extra decade to get to the point in life I would have been if I had graduated . Both of my boys are extremely athletic , and will probably want to go to public high school where they can compete in sports . The only sports their school has is soccer and basketball . I attended private school from preK to 8th grade , then I attended public school for High School . Personally I found private school to be the best education I recieved . During High School I found myself unbelieveably bored and willing to do other student 's homework , which I did on many occassions . I found private school to be wonderful in the education realm but I am glad that I attended public school because of the access to many different social opportunities . The argument about it being dependant on the child is valid , however I am grateful that my mother forced the issue with private school when I was younger and then pursued the idea of public school later on . It was great to see both sides of education and social behavior . My husband and I debate this issue as well for our future children . I personally hope to expose them to both . In regards to " is it worth the money ? " who knows . I know plenty of individuals who attended public school their entire lives and took gifted classes and excelled in High School with Advanced Placement and Independant Study . I also know as many who achieved the same after attending Private School . If anything it could be viewed as an investment . Try it out for a year and if your child doesn 't like it then public school it is . for 8 years , then public work - school type high school ( very unique for its time , junior / senior years , you went year - round , work 2 weeks , school 2 weeks , had to keep high grade average ) , then on to Wright State University in Dayton , OH . You 've really hit a nerve with me with this column . I personally hate the snotty attitude most roman catholics have about their parochial school educations and how they love to badmouth the public schools when in most cases they don 't have a clue what it 's like to leave their little smalltown german / irish catholic neighborhoods their whole lives . I know whereof I speak ; I was catholic for 30 years . Dayton , OH , is a catholic town like many in the U . S . In my 7th and 8th grade years in particular back in the late 60s and early 70s , there were almost no nuns teaching in my parochial school anyway . In my school , they were replaced by an extremely unhappy Latin American guy who hated North Americans , an ex - military officer who 'd wear his uniform daily and was very much out of place , and an unhappy young black woman into black power ( and all white kids sitting in front of her ) . So much for a catholic education . I was only 1 of 8 kids who did not attend the local catholic high school , and I COULD NOT WAIT to be away from the catholic education system and everything to do with it , and I have never regretted it . I seriously , seriously doubt that its system has changed a whit . My niece absolutely hated the abovementioned catholic high school and lasted a month there . Again , the snotty attitudes prevail . Bravo for homeschooling in particular , bravo for alternative schools and for trade - type schools . When I was growing up , kids got sent to private school when they were screwing up academically , and likely to not get into college . It was like the opposite of " dropping out " - like " pulled in " . ( The ones without money just dropped out . ) My family was public school all the way , as were my sibs . I was a slacker and went to Cal like the original poster , and now read blogs at work while I try to code . My brother is now a physicist for UC . My sister is a teacher . On the other hand , I 'm Asian . If I were Latino or Black , I 'd consider private school . The publics seem to allow some minorities to try less hard . . . . are really advantages . For instance , I opposed standardized testing - and I still do , if it 's the only form of evaluation . But because of the testing , our public middle school arranged the schedule so kids would have an extra math or English class each day . And they really focus on giving the kids good study skills as well as good test - taking skills . And having to accomodate all types of kids also worked well for my daughter . It 's called " differentiated learning , " and it means that instead of lecturing at kids you present the material in a variety of different ways . I pulled my younger daughter out of Catholic school in fifth grade , because she wasn 't doing well , and put her in public school . I saw an immediate difference : She was happier and more enthusiastic about learning , and her grades skyrocketed . I kept my older daughter in the parochial school , where the kids sat in their seats all day and listened to the teachers lecture them , often using lesson plans that were older than the students . She hated school , and I hated the huge amounts of homework they loaded on the kids ( so the parents could feel they were getting their money 's worth ) . Not only was the Catholic school academically inferior , it was worse in other ways as well : The teachers yelled at the kids and some were verbally abusive , they played favorites , and bullying was common and often tolerated . I really regret not moving my older daughter to public school earlier . Now she is thriving in a public high school where over 95 percent of the students go on to college , some to very good schools . A lot does depend on the individual schools , but I really think a good public school - not even necessarily a magnet or charter school - has a lot to offer . I 'd check that option out first before shelling out for private school . Save the money for a good college instead . That 's what I 'm doing . As personal background , I went to public school through high school , and now I 'm about to graduate from a private college ( Baylor ) with a chemistry degree . My parents considered putting me in private school about 5th grade - we visited a couple - but I wasn 't really interesteded . All the private school kids I knew were snotty . Which is what I expected when I came to Baylor , but I fell in love with the school , and the people . I had an excellent education , but I was a pretty self motivated kid . I was reading Ten Thousand Leagues under the Sea in 2nd grade . Seriously , it was ridiculous . In high school , I had some classes with 10 , 12 , or even 4 people in them . But I was at the top of my class . Those class sizes were because no one else wanted to take them . . . : ) I find it interesting how many contradictions are in the comments . Some people say that smart , self motivated kids will do just as well in either place , some say those are the ones you want to private school . Some say that the kids who are struggling should be sent to private schools . Some say that kids with learning disabilities need the extra money at public schools , some that they wiill do better in private schools . There are no bullies at private schools , there are more than at public schools . You get the idea . Anyway , I think I 'll send my kids to public schools , unless there are problems there . Or unless they want to go to private school and / or win a scholarship . In Texas , there 's a rule that if you 're in the top 10 % of your high school class , you can go to any state school you want ( and A & M is pretty darn selective , believe it or not ) . Obviously , there 's some controversy over this . . . . My children will consistently have high - quality teachers ( I know not all are amazing , but I think a greater percentage are ) , a challenging curriculum , and a well - maintained campus with well - equipped classrooms and facilities . While I know that they will almost inevitably be exposed to drugs , it is much less likely that they will be exposed to gangs and gang violence ( I live in Los Angeles ) . They will be in an environment where academic achievement is respected and admission to the country 's top colleges for a good portion of each graduating class is expected . A smaller student body will give my children a greater chance to form relationships with friends and faculty and to find a niche they are comfortable in and hopefully a place to excel . I know that I was better off , socially , at my private schools than at my public schools . I attended a private college for undergrad , and a state instution for grad school . I finished school without loans , because I was a scholarship kid . ( I was probably assisted in getting that scholarship by the excellent education I received at my college - prep private high school ) . What you are forgetting is the third choice . Home education . So many people are heading in this direction now . With home school groups in just about every town in America and curriculum aids of all kinds , there really is no better way to go . Home education is the best bang for your buck . The best education without the heavy bill of a private school . Both parents can pitch in their own personal strong points in the education while enjoying the time with their child . No more trying to find time to spend with the child . Living in the right district is no issue or even living close to a private school . The curriculum is soley your choice . The class can be no smaller . And children do not need equipment , they need books and life . And as far as the myth of " what about social life " goes , that is a non - issue . I can tell a home educated child from a mile away by the interaction they are able to have with adults . How many governement - educated children really , and I mean really , have conversations with adults . Shouldn 't that be what you are preparing your children for is life in the adult world . I know many women who go this homeschool route . Some are great - they 've made a choice based on their child 's needs or their religious preferences . Hats off to them who are doing it the right way . You 've never seen a public school kid who can talk to adults ? Really ? My public school educated kid can talk to adults with ease . But she can also talk to children her age . I can tell a home schooled kid a mile away too . They are often routinely the kids who struggle in social settings with peers . I watch them unable to handle our neighborhood swim team b / c they can 't relate to kids in their age group , unable to play structured games in the cul de sac we live on . They have less friends , less of a gasp on modern culture . Maybe you think all of that is wonderful but the real world is made up of lots of kinds of people . If you don 't allow your child safe , healthy expose to the rest of the world , you overload them when they are unleashed on it . Again many parents are doing an excellent but some of them aren 't . Classic example - my friend C barely got through HS and is home schooling her son now . She has no training , doesn 't think she needs any and what she calls an education is basically her normal day . I attended parochial schools K - 12 . In 8th grade at the local Catholic school , I decided not to be confirmed and that I vehemently disagree with much of the religious doctrine . So , I resented attending 4 more years of religion class . I also wished for more fun electives , and begged to go to public school so I could take shop class or auto repair alongside my AP courses . I didn 't realize what a tremendous gift my parents had given me until I went to a public college . I loved the warm and engaging people I met at my university , but was extremely disappointed in the academic level of my peers . I had been writing 6 + page papers as a HS freshman , and up to 20 pages as a senior in AP English . In my college freshman Honors English course , we were challenged to write less than half what I had done in HS . The grammar and diction in the papers I peer - edited were substandard ; I , in turn , gained little from my peer editors . In my non - Honors courses , some of my classmates wrote so poorly that I wondered how they were ever admitted to college ! It was hard to find the push I needed to really develop further in college , when the starting point for the class was much lower than my HS courses were . I know I 'm an academic elitist , and most people would shame me for such behavior . I feel compassion for bright students who care but don 't have access to better teachers . However , it only makes sense to compete with those at or near your own level . Few would fault a pro athlete for declining to play in a pick - up game . ( FWIW , I 'm a crappy athlete ) My husband and I are desperately trying to make the best decision possible for our two children in middle school . We both went to public schools all the way through with with one exception . I attended an all women catholic college for 2 years . Our public education was terrible . Including graduate school and law school , I did my absolute best work ever during the 2 years in private college . Both my children have been in private school all the way through 6th / 7th grade . We tried our local public school for my daughters ' 1st grade and knew it wouldn 't challenge her enough . We have 2 gifted kids , one with a bit of ADD . We have found private school to be worth it for the class size , quality teachers and curriculum up until now . Lately we 've been asking ourselves whether the benefits are worth the lack of economic diversity , ( there is a great amount of racial diversity ) , the 25K ( each ) investment , and the commute . We are also more concerned about the fish in a fish pond problem but we can 't seem to find a lot of data to show whether there is a benefit either way . We know they will need to stand out but it seems like they will need that in private school even more so . If I were in college admissions , I would expect a lot more of a kid with the silver spoon and no real life struggles . But I 'm not sure if this really plays out in reality . And we actually want our kids to struggle and come to appreciate the wide variety of people and life circumstances they will encounter with a public education . We 're just concerned about the actual academic education ! We have been leaning toward public for high school and after reading these comments I am feeling even more confident about public . This is based on the content but surprisingly it 's also because of the quality of writing coming from people advocating public over private . I went to a great public school system and we live now in a great area so we are content with public schools but we have looked around for private ones . However one reason we stay with public schools is the added support for children who learn differently or slower . Our daughter has an IQ on the high side of normal but has a what they call a ' silent learning disability ' because it doesn 't show up on any one testing tool but more of a collectively slow executive processing problems . Which is just gibberish for she 's bright but just needs to go over things more to really learn them and have some extra time in testing to show what she really knows . Private schools can offer small classes but they routinely do not offer extra support in terms of helping kids like mine . In a public school , she gets accommodations and support that have her on the honor roll . We 've looked at private schools and they all are very clear that they keep children on pace more and it is harder for them to fall behind with the extra attention but if it is a learning issue , they are really out of luck . I have to agree with the poster above . I know a few families that homeschool . One is a crazy rightwing witch . Yes , there are plenty of decent Republicans . But this one is one of those nutty racist flat earth types who practically spits with rage whenever she opens her mouth . It would be nice for children to be raised in an environment that 's a little less , uh , angry . It might do her kids good to hear that somebody else could actually feel differently than Mother . I 'm sure the kids look cute arguing for the Gold Standard and the flat tax , but they are like little pissed off robots . Another is a sweet but wifty liberal mom . She would never pressure her precious snowflakes to do anything - - she " unschools " them . The kids are delightful and charming . The teenage boy loves woodworking , which he basically figured out for himself . Reading , however , he has not figured out . At age 15 . He probably has a learning disability . But there was never a reading expert who observed him and helped to correct him at a time of life when his young brain was being formed . But now , it could be too late . And even if it isn 't , there 's nothing going on in that home that would encourage him to take up an activity that requires self - discipline like learning how to read . I am a public school teacher , and I would probably put my kids in private school . I do feel the teachers in public schools are generally better . They are required to complete more education and are provided with ( almost too much ) extra staff development . However , the behavior of the students is horrible . There is a lack of respect for the teachers , the school , and for education in general . And since children are required by law to attend school , there is little that can be done about it . Students are given detentions . They don 't attend . Then they are assigned a Saturday School . They don 't attend . It would be easy to say , well go to the next step and suspend the students , and then if that doesn 't work expel them . But there are so many students that don 't follow the consequences , that it is impossible to do this . As a parent , I would be more worried that my kids are around that kind of attitude so much of the day . Plus , students simply don 't do the work . I will give an assignment and most of the time over half of the class won 't complete it . Forget about homework . It 's impossible to have class discussions about anything because only three or four students will have know what is going on . I give failing grades , but they don 't care . And neither do their parents . I can 't get some of these parents on the phone to save my life ! Or I call to tell them about their child 's failing grade and they say , " Okay , thank you . I will talk to him / her , " but nothing ever changes . When I hear the media talking about our failing schools , I want to scream ! It 's the parents of these kids who are failing . I 'm doing my job as best I can . I can 't physically make a child read or write . Private schools have the option of booting the kids who do nothing . And parents have an extra incentive to make sure their child is doing the work because they are paying for it . I think public schools should fine parents for their children 's poor behavior and lack of effort . Our tax dollars pay for the desk , books , and supplies these student are wasting . Let the parents pay for it if all it is is childcare . Amen , sister ! You really know what is going on ! Parents who sit back and do nothing are the cause of failing public schools . Teachers is public are generally good . They really do care , but you can 't find the overwhelming odds that some kids face at home . You can take the student to the water , but you can 't make them drink . Ok , see your point , but . . . . . since I 've got children ranging from 3 to 24 , I feel like I have some experience in this issue . For Nashville , TN the choice is ambiguous at best . We have some great private schools , and then there are some really bad ones as of late . The graduates of one private school here score poorly compared to public schools in a nearby county . And teaching techniques have evolved greatly in the last 18 years that I have physically participated . Furthermore , some private schools weed out illegal immigrants just because of accessibility alone , so there is less drag on the over all performance of that school . So , bottom line is where do you live ? Sounds like you need to live in a rich area , like Brentwood , and attend public school with every other child ( that can afford to live there . ) I have been solely educated by public schools and I feel that I have a major disadvantage as compared to those who were educated in the private school system . For one , I don 't earn all that much money relative to my great number of years of schooling and there has been no networking for me despite this being the way most jobs are gotten these days . Plus , public schools are just like the public sector - - let 's see how cheaply we can do everything ! If you want a chance at a decent existence and some luxuries in life , go for private schooling . If you want to attend lower class schools without a hint of opulence , no one to network with , and a lower middle class existence , do what I did . Trust me ! Private schools have no accountability for doing the " right " things . When you land in a corrupt private school with the best intentions for your child and find out they will only promote their high donating kiss ass families you will suffer dearly . Your might have top students even in a private environment and your child may still be treated at the lowest levels . Best to take a for sure risk our Public school system . By the way Public schools have much more to offer for a well rounded student anyway . I have been reading the post and find it interesting that security in the public schools were not mentioned . I have a 5 year old that is in private K and will be going to private school in Sept . I live in NJ and the public school i am zoned to is about 100 years old and has below state test scores . I was willing to at least give the school a try and go in and look around since the private school we are sending our daughter to is very expensive 21k . When i walked into the public school at 9 : 00 a young girl about 10 was at the door and told me where the main office was . There were kids sitting on the stairs and walking around the hallways . The main office was cluttered with piles of papers and very disorganized . I walked out and decided right there i was not sending my daughter there . She is very bright and has been reading since 18 months . She needed a school that would challenge her . I am not Catholic , but my husband and I registered her in the local Catholic school just in case she didn 't get into P school . We felt secure leaving her there since the doors are kept locked and the staff is on top of the students . I don 't know if she would have gotten a better education in public or Catholic school but we just learned she was excepted in the private school we wanted . For 21k a year she will get a 7 : 1 teacher ratio , teachers with masters and special certifications in their fields . The school is set up like a college . i had my doubts sending her to such an expensive school , but my peace of mind that she will be in a safe place with kids who are academically on or close to her level is what i needed . Children who are gifted have no resources in the public schools because they usually are only gifted in a few areas and may lag behind in others . They are special needs children too with no place to go , but private school . I don 't know how this will work out , but i feel good that i am giving my daughter the best environment for her learning potential that i can . My husband and i were planning to move , but with the housing maREPLY I went to Catholic / private lower / middle / high school and public college . The difference was mind - blowing for me . I have a son now so I 'm concerned with this debate now more than ever . I just don 't think you can put a price on the networking and exposure aspects that a private school can offer . My wife is a NYC public school teacher and she sees what normally goes on in your run - of - the - mill NYC public school . The very best kids usually end up bored , the struggling kids get left behind , and the middle of the pack kids just get by . One thing that concerns me is the cost . While I find the tuition to be really pricey , what bothers me more is that they just set their prices based upon WHAT ? The fact that rival schools charge that much ? Their operating costs ? Their locations ? Their payroll ? How can every school in Manhattan and Brooklyn be $ 28 , 000 - $ 32 , 000 ? I feel that they just make their costs the same as the other schools , just so they aren 't perceived as being cheap or less prestigious , not because it actually costs that student that much for the education . I went to public school from kindergarten - 7th grade . Then because I had ADHD my parents were able to let me go to private school for free because of a grant . I didn 't like it , but that 's because back then I didn 't like school period and I wasn 't a christian . I did a little more research into the differences between public and private schools and found out some interesting facts . I even taught at a private school once ( it was a baptist one though . . . ) Public schools are terrible because of gangs , drugs , there 's a lot of bad kids that go there and do bad things . I would not want my child growing up to be a hoodlum with a baby at sixteen which is why I would not expose my child to that kind of chaos and depravity . Plus public school classes are much too large and a child can 't get the individual attention that they need . Not in the least way do I take any sort of prejudice against Christians , but I have found that christian private schools aren 't much better than public schools . In a sense it 's as though they " zap " the child 's creativity by binding them to an impossibly strict set of rules . And I think it 's better to not force a religion on a child as they will grow up to dislike it , in most cases . The best schools I have found are non - religious based private schools . They strive for their students to receive the best academic standards , classes are small , they aren 't around so much drugs and violence like the public schools . I am certainly not wealthy , but I believe that private school is worth every penny . After all , we should all strive for better education for ourselves and our children . We tried all three options ; private , public and homeschool . Homeschool wins hands down . Flexible , as expensive or inexpensive as you want it to be , total freedom to pursue different methods and special interests , week long field trips / vacations in the uncrowded seasons , and a great community of like minded people to share expertise and equipment . Read " How to Home School " by Gayle Graham or " The Right Choice " by Chris Klicka before dismissing this as an option . Went to public school in San Francisco from K - 8th grade . The middle school I attended was a JOKE . I started hanging around with the wrong crowd , cutting classes and failing all my classes . My parents didn 't even find out I was cutting classes until half the school year was over . When they found out they enrolled me in a private catholic school , which I attended from 9th to 12th grade . The experience changed my life and I vowed that if I ever had children I would NEVER send them to public school . I agree with comment from the public school teacher that the majority of kids in public school ( especially in urban communities such as SF ) are unruly and disrespectful . I now have 3 children ages 10 to 19 . They are all in private school from the time they were in kinder . Yes , it is expensive , especially in SF , but I consider it an investment in their future . The teahcers from private school don 't take crap from the kids . I agree with another parent who commented that there were no bullies , no fighting , no name calling or teasing . Of course there 's a small number of rebellious students , but they are usually put in their place fast . Disrespect is never tolerated in private school . The consequences for bad behavior or poor academics - you get kicked out . There 's no time for nonsense in private school . Unlike public school , where kids are talking back to teachers or behaving badly . Kids who act up in private school get expelled and get thrown into public school . I disagree with one parent who thinks that private school kids are not living in the " real world " because they are not dealing with real life issues . The high school my kids attend has a 100 hour committment from each student that requires them to do volunteer work directly related to the Sick , aged , homeless and disabled . My oldest son , even after he graduated , volunteers at the homeless shelter and food banks . Public schools don 't have this requirement and alot of kids never even exposed to that experience . I 'm not saying that all public schools are bad , but in SF , the public school system is disappointing . My son 's friend in 8th grade who attended private school and barely passed with a D average - now goes to the local public high school and now takes honors English class . What does that tell you about the school system . I would never trust my kids education to the public school system in SF . My oldest son begged us to send him to public school in 9th grade , we flat out refused and told him it was for his own good and he 'd thank us later . He graduated last year and did thank us for it . He now attended a small private university . I realize I 'm a johnny - come - two - years - late to this discussion , but I think the points raised are even more relevant today than they were two years ago . Interestingly enough , our current economic downturn has made private schools an attractive option for a lot of families . State budget - tightening means that public schools are cutting back even more on what they offer . Too often this results in an increase in class size and reduction of classes , subjects and services . Many parents - who previously may have never even considered private education - are investigating whether private schools could work for their families because they are not willing to compromise their child 's education and future . i 'm looking into boarding schools as a possible last 2 years of high school for me , and most everything i 've read seems to me like its worth it . all my life up to 10th grade i 've been in the public system . . . and sadly im just not challenged . it really bothers me that i have to , im not sure how to say this , uhm , tone down my learing attitude ? well my usual class size can range from 20 - 30 kids per class and im not with equal minded kids who WANT to learn . I 've brought it up to my parents before but they say it isnt worth the cost to them . i have a sizable dowry to pay for my education , but my parents dont want to spend it on boarding school , they say the payoff isnt worth it . the way i see it though is , if i can get financial aid for the boarding school than i should have at least a little left , and with the experience yadda yadda knowledge , etc i expect to get at a boarding school than that should lend me to a better scholarship than if i just went public the whole way and not have too many loans to worry about in the future . . . . at least thats what i hope will happen . i know that simply attending some prestigous school wont gurantee me a free ride , but i think its worth the risk . my parents are , ironically enough , pressuring me to pursue the arts , which doesnt pay very well in my eyes , and i want to be more than just some no name penniless artist working painting to painting . it really is ironic . as a student wanting to attend a private boarding school do you all have any ideas to really getting my parents to understand why i want to do this ? although my older brother got kicked out of a local private school , so they may have more convictions than the average parent . . . . . Wow ! What a great forum ! I think as moms we are constantly searching for the best for our children . A lot of people associate better with money . Unfortunately it is impossible to compare public to private , because there are so many different types of private and public schools . I attended parochial schools from 1st to 12th grade . It was very much a " bubble " , but I 'd say it was a good experience in grammar school , not necessarily in high school though . My father had 8 children , six of whom were girls , so Catholic schools were the only option in his eyes . I will say that we went to the " lower income " catholic school , not the elite schools , so there was never any " holier than though " attitude from students . We were taught social justice and became one big family in grade school . In high school I was envious of a few friends who left the Catholic school to attend charter high schools . There was so much more opportunity at some of the public high schools in the arts , drama , etc . I feel like I missed out on a lot due to lack of programs at my catholic high school . My eldest son is attending his 4th year in public school in the fall . It is so close to home that we walk to school . It is very easy for me to be involved due to proximity . I will say this though , when looking for schools , go backward . Pick the high school first , then find the path to get them there . Sounds odd but I 've slowly discovered this in the past few years . In Australia - private schools are * * * * . I am a boarder as well , so my parents pay like $ 40 , 000 + per year and I am regretting the education here now . I used to enjoy the extra co - curricular , but now as I approach my university - entrance exams , I find private schools much worse academically than the selective schools . If I had to re - do , I would only enter private schools on the basis of scholarships or for other merits than academic . I would also not choose Australia to be a boarder . I 'd probably go to the US or UK . Worse comes to worse , an international school . My background : I went to a Catholic school K - 8 and then a public HS even though I had wanted to go to a Catholic HS . My parents , solidly working class with 5 kids said that they had specifically moved to that neighborhood on Long Island because of the public school system . I got a fantastic education from K - 8 and did they drill us on correct grammar ! I got a wonderful education in HS with many teachers caring about me and my future . Some crucial points though : my HS had only 850 children . I graduated number 10 without much effort , and playing 2 sports a year . Got into an Ivy League college . Now we have four kids , one of whom has ADHD , and we are trying to make the decision about whether or not to invest in private HS for them , which , all in , would cost us close to 200k for all of them . We will certainly have to be very frugal to make this work . Not to mention having very little saved for their college . The public school here is ' good ' but huge with 2000 kids . This concerns me . How could a teacher possibly care about my child and his future ? How could they have the time ? According to my daughter , who attends the public secondary school that feeds into the public HS , there is a lot of disrespect toward teachers , and a lot of teachers who won 't ( can 't ? ) stop such behavior . She says she often does the work on her own because the class is disruptive . She is in honors classes . She often comes home and looks on google to understand an algebra concept and I ask her , " can 't you stay after class and ask the teacher to explain it more ? " and her reply is , " we are not allowed , there is only enough time to get to your next class . " Your husband might be right about some public schools not having labs as nice as those in private schools , but I don 't think that 's true of public schools in Northern Virginia ! Our two children were lucky enough to have excellent teachers and wonderful facilities ( including excellent science labs ) throughout their 13 years of public education . In fact my son had 14 years of public education , because he had a disability that qualified him for special ed preschool . He also had speech therapy , physical therapy or an adapted PE curriculum , and either a classroom aide or a personal assistant from preschool through the middle of tenth grade ! No private school we visited ( and we checked out several ) could offer that level of support . Both of my children also attended public universities - - the University of Virginia in my daughter 's case , the University of Maryland College Park in my son 's . My daughter liked UVA so much that she returned and earned her law degree there ! Neither one of them got " lost in the shuffle . " I am currently a Senior in a Catholic High School . . . but went to public school every year up until 9th grade . In my experience the public schoolwork seemed to be much harder than the catholic / private school . I also only get maybe 15min to about an hour or so MOST nights , while my public school friends end up having maybe one hour to three hours . I felt like my school had much better funding overall for programs , classes , and nearly everything else . My school is fairly big on sports and theatre too , so nearly every area a child would be interested would be covered . My friends who didn 't go to my school often complained about how something wasn 't funded properly , or that the school needed to get something better than whatever it had . While funding and stuff like that kind of made the tuition kind of acceptable for me after 9th grade , what I found the best reason for me to go to Catholic High Schools was the environment ( again , this is specific to my school most likely ) . While in my public school district we did have many talented students , their was a fairly large population of students who seemed like they were in school only because it was required , and didn 't care about anything that had to do with school . They had little to no plans for college , and many sat down to take the SAT ( Public HS was the test center nearest to me and my HS wasn 't one ) but I could see that they didn 't care . Many simply stared out the window . In my Catholic HS , it seemed like the student population was mostly the upper tier athletes , academically gifted students , or great artists and singers . Most of my friends in the football and basketball teams were very smart , and managed to maintain overall averages of over 90 , with at least five of the athletes having maybe 95 + . I say this only because I used to think that athletes were really jocks who weren 't the brightest and got by on their athleticism . Of course not everybody was a shining star , but there must have been a very little amount of students who seemed borderline pass / fail . I would maybe hear mention of a troublesome kid once or twice a year , and everybody was fairly focused on their studies or the programs they were involved in . Guidance counselors were extremely helpful ( In my cousins public HS in NJ , his GC barely helped with the little things , so my GC ended up giving me info I passed on to him ) , colleges were more inclined to come to our school and meet with the students and offer help if we had / have any questions . We had a great library and a whole wired / connected computer system schoolwide ( it sound impressive but some of the features the school had were fairly amazing and extremely useful . . . these were features I knew the public HS didn 't have . ) In the Private school I had a better friends circle I guess , and the fact that classmates weren 't made up of students who seemed like complete idiots kind of brushed off good habits for me . Students worked hard in school , and had priorities in order . Students also seemed much nicer from my perspective , although in public school I never had a problem of not getting along with anyone , but I would see my friends being mean to other kids , or having unofficial gangs in a way . In the Catholic school though even the " gangsters " , jocks , theater , geeks , emo kids were nice to each other . You could walk up to a seemingly stupid football player and have an intelligent conversation , and nerds could talk to the most beautiful girl in school and become friends easily . People weren 't discriminated against and were generally more accepting . In terms of private / public university I don 't know how much it would matter , but I am still appying to colleges ( both public and private ) . I 'm not choosing a college on whether or not it is private or not , but private colleges do seem much more expensive . Public Universities are still great , and in many respects better than private colleges . SUNY and CUNY schools are amazing and incredibly cheap . In California the UC schools like UCLA and the like are amazing as well . I 'm sure others are as well but those were the main colleges I looked into , along with a couple private schools . I know this is an old post but I figured as a current senior college student , I can give my take . It all depends on where you grew up . I grew up in a really small farming community and there was only one high school . The closest private high school was about 30 minutes away and my parents were not going to drive me every morning . My high school was horrible . At the time I didn 't think about it , but it was . The average ACT score was 20 . 6 for my class and I had a 31 . I was so bored at that school , but it did get a little better when I took night classes at the local community college . I am currently going to a private college where the work is really hard ( they are ranked in the top 30 in the USA ) . When I stepped foot into my first chemistry lab , it was like I was in another world ! ! ! I had no idea what was going on . And my first chemistry lab report was one of the hardest assignments of my life . But i was in the minority . I remember asking my roommate if I could see his lab report , and he banged out 9 pages in one day ! I was shocked ! He told me that he already did it in high school and it was very easy for him . I would say about 80 % of students didn 't struggle . Yes , eventually , I caught up to speed but there are just fundamentals that other students knew that I was never taught in high school . I tell my parents to have my younger brother who is currently in high school , to take summer classes at a nearby college . On the other hand , my girlfriend grew up in a big city . She went to a public high school that was ranked in the top ten in the state . Then she moved and her last two years was at a private school . Last summer , I was helping her packed up her stuff when I saw several notebooks . I opened them up and saw all they were chemistry lab notes from her private high school . They were exactly the same format and depth as intro college chemistry ! She told me her teacher in high school used to be a professor and that a lot of the teachers there have masters or phd 's . So if you value your kids education and future , tryREPLY From my experience with switching from public to private to public ( as I attended private only for a few years in high school ) , not all schools are created equal . Not that my local public school was bad ( considering that I lived in Bloomfield Hills , MI . . . a pretty rich area in these parts ) , but the nearby private school I attended was light - years ahead . Heck , I was reading Milton in my Sophomore year in private high school . Is Private better than Public ? Not sure , as those are pretty broad terms . But , Ill tell you . . . nothing beats a top private school education in terms of kicking your a @@ every night , especially if you want your kids to be spending school breaks reading from the likes of Homer , Beckett and Chaucer . Is that type of education right for every student ? Probably not . Will it transform your kid into a successful well - adjusted human being ? Not sure .
|
Home » Career and Income » Education & Training » Are Private Schools Worth the Money They Demand ? Are Private Schools Worth the Money They Demand ? By Xin Lu on 30 January 2008 I admit it , I am a product of public schools from pre - school through college and I am quite proud of it . By going to public schools I helped my parents save a king 's ransom and going to a public college is a big reason why I ended up with no loans and a good amount of savings . I married a man who loved his sixteen plus years of private education but it is hard for me to fathom how much money his parents had to spend over those years . One day we had a discussion about having kids and he said we would have to send them to private school , and I said I did not think it was worth the money because I got an excellent education in public schools . So he argued his case for private schools and I will list some of his points here . Generally families are assigned to public school districts by the location of their home . This creates expensive real estate in the towns that are supposed to have a good public school district . It is probably cheaper to pay for a private school for a few years than to pay for an extremely high mortgage in an expensive area with a good public school . For schools to be accredited they do have to have an approved core curriculum , but private schools can teach additional things like religion or design specialty programs that focus on math and science . Many people choose private schools for religious reasons and it is understandable to choose belief over money . My husband was able to choose a school that focused on engineering and he loved the projects he had in high school . I am not sure that this is true in all cases . I went to a very small public high school and I felt like I had a lot of attention from my teachers , but once I entered UC Berkeley I was a bit overwhelmed by the auditorium sized classes . So I do think that smaller class sizes are better and on average private schools do have smaller classes than public schools . This is probably true for the most part because private schools generally have more funding per student than large public schools . I remember that my science lab in high school was quite dilapidated and consisted of a few tables and sinks . I did tour a private high school once and they had the most beautiful art room and labs and I was awfully jealous . After my husband made his points , I am not totally counting out private schools for my offspring now . The frugal part of me still is not completely convinced that it is worth spending over a hundred thousand dollars for private high schools . When it gets to the college level many state universities can be just as competitive as private institutions . I think ultimately it is up to our future children to excel in their own manner . If they are excellent students they will be able to get scholarships , and if they wanted to they can flourish in a public school . On the other hand , if they do not care about succeeding then it does not matter how much money I spend on them . Wise Bread readers , do you think that private schools give you an edge ? Are they really worth the money if you had to pay full price ? As some background , I attended private parochial schools through eighth grade , a small public high school and a small private college . I think private schools are worthwhile for children . The biggest reason is that no one tends to get " lost in the shuffle . " Public schools have fewer resources , normally , and that lends itself to educating to the middle of the group . Those that lag behind get left and those that excel get bored . Private schools are better able to give individual attention to all levels during the education process . Actually , it is quite false that private schools , on average , spend more per pupil than public schools . However , a large chunk of public school per - pupil spending goes for meeting the needs of special needs students ( disability , ESL students , etc . ) , whom the public schools are legally obligated to accommodate . Another chunk goes toward the necessarily larger administrative overhead ; whether it 's 10 elementary schools or 100 to coordinate , it 's going to cost more . Finally , I believe public school teacher salaries are actually higher on average than private schools . So it 's really an apples - to - oranges comparison . The " all comers " aspect of the public schools makes it difficult to compare outcomes . There couldn 't be a worse selection bias if you tried ! There is evidence , though , that when you control for socioeconomic factors , private school students perform the same or in some cases worse than matched public - school counterparts . That said , the answer to your question is surely " it depends . " On where you live : there are places , for example , with both a reasonable cost of living and very decent public schools . Places where the public schools a mediocre but there aren 't better private alternatives . Places where the motivated parent can get their child into a specialized public education setting for free , such as a magnet or charter school . On your kids : are they academically inclined ? do they have special needs ? what setting are they socially most comfortable in ? I would really like to know where this person has recieved there information from ? I myself went to a Catholic private school up to 10th . grade when my parents swithed me to public school . I was so far ahead when I was in private school I had enough points to graduate in 10th grade public school ? ? Also 70 % was passing in private school verses 60 % passing in public school . Plus I had maybe 1 study hall in private school verses back to back study halls in public school . Plus Home schooled children tend to have HIGHER SAT scores than those in public school . I 'm just talking from first hand knowledge . I live in the Northeast , which should become relevant in a minute . I attended a Catholic grammar school and the local public high school . I think it all depends on the child . In terms of higher education what you need is a big fish in a big pond ( ultimately , if you can get it ) . Colleges and Universities are looking for diversity and those students who stood out among their peers . Now , this can be accomplished in a variety of ways , get them Irish Step Dancing and have them win Worlds , colleges will accept them . But , academically , it 's harder to do . My Catholic school was fine . I did have one amazing teacher in the 7th and 8th grade who made everything related to English a breeze from then on because , if you 'll pardon my French , she kicked our arses and didn 't take any BS and she was a nun . At the time we thought she was Satan in a habit but since I 've learned to appreciate her and would call her one of my best teachers ever . After 8th grade ' graduation ' , many of my classmates went on to all female or all male Catholic high schools , a few to suburban public , and I went to the local , urban , not with the best reputation because I " m a rebel , public high school ( Lawrence High in Lawrence , MA for any of you familiar ) . I came out 3rd in my class ( I " m a total school slacker , I learn and retain easily therefore the effort necessary to make it to Valedictorian would have eaten into my social time , any tips on how to change this with my masters program are totally welcome . ) with the actual highest SAT score in my class ( loads of ESL students ) and was accepted to all colleges applied , with the exception of Bowdoin and Tufts , classmates ranked lower than I but of a more ethnic persuasion were accepted at both . ( Just for the record , that got me into UMass Amherst , Middlebury , Hamilton College , Tulane University , George Washington University and I think American University . ) Some would maybe make an argument that , yeah , I went to a subpar school and stood out , but how did I do in college ? ? Well , I went to Tulane , slacker mentality prevailed and I graduated with a 3 . 3 GPA , BA in Art History and plenty of time on my hands to party hardy at Mardi Gras . Since I 've pretty much slacked around for a while without direction and now I 'm going for my masters in education from UMass Boston and hope to teach in an urban high or middle school . See , the secret is these schools get LOADS of funding and loads of opportunities and my school , at least , was not plagued by the John Hughes syndrome ( nerds , geeks , jocks , slackers ) , we knew we were all sort of underdogs in the eyes of the surrounding community and we bonded together . If you were in more advanced classes than someone else they didn 't label you , they asked for help with their math homework . It was great . Now , Lawrence High had a program were you could spend a semester at Phillips Andover and I took advantage of this . I will admit it was fun to live there , the food was free and plentiful and yummy , and the classes were interesting ( we only took two I think , I took an acting class and Urban Studies which is why we were there , take the poor kids and see how they react , I 'm not kidding ) and we had to keep up with our work at LHS so our teachers came to visit once a week and we had no problems . My point is Andover has a place BUT the vast majority of people I met there and I think you can check this out , ended up at UMass . A large number of Andover grads do NOT end up at Harvard , Yale , Princeton , etc because those schools don 't want them . They want big fish and you 're basically competing with a bunch of people in the same boat as you , at best you 're a fish in a fishpond . And I am not disparaging UMass at all , I almost went there , but who spends $ 20k + on high school for a kid hoping he 'll get into the local , public , state University ? And , after all that , my point is , it 's all dependent on the child . If you have a smart kid who will do well and needs a bit of a challenge , I 'd send them public and not really worry about ' good ' districts . ( the ' good ' district by me has lost all funding for sports , all art and all music , although parents might be able to pay a fee because the override or tax hike or whatever failed . ) You can get an education anywhere and everywhere has good , dedicated teachers to help with this . There are also crap teachers everywhere . If your child needs extra attention or extra motivation , I 'd go private because that 's where they excel and the smaller class sizes would benefit . Students with a tougher time will not slip through the cracks as easily at smaller , private schools . That said , a student , if he or she wants to , can disappear in any setting . Should I have children , I will struggle with this question myself . My main points right now is that I am adamant that they will pay for their own college education ( most of it ) and I will not reinvent their room at home in college by hiring a decorator , etc . I think that 's stupid . Your husband makes some valid points - - and definitely items to consider , such as the cost of buying a home in a great school district vs . paying private school tuition , opportunity for specialized training , etc . Public charter schools and magnet schools can tilt the balance back toward public schools in some systems . There is a new magnet high school in my area offering specialized studies in biotechnology and computer engineering , for example . You may have seen this report on the Nations ( USA ) Schools : basically , kids at private schools do perform better than those at public schools ; but if you adjust for socio - economic factors , they perform about the same ( depending on the grade and type of private school , public schools outperform private schools ) . The message being that you shouldn 't make assumptions about what type of school is better but check out the schools , public and private in your area before making a decision . In my area , parents are often surprised that , when they switch from private to public schools , their children lag in academic performance . So I should mention that I , too , attended public schools from elementary school through college . REPLY One thing to remember here is that the public vs . private debate is not an all or nothing proposal . You don 't have to commit to either 13 years of one or 13 years of the other . I started kindergarten in a public school and stayed there until second grade , when we moved to a city that had bad public education . In fifth grade , we moved again , this time to a wealthy district , but one whose elementary education was only geared for the " lowest common denominator " . By seventh grade , I 'd reentered public education , and stayed there until the end of my undergrad studies . I think this is highly dependent on the child . I attended public school from elementary through high school , but went to a private college . I hated school , but loved college . My son has attended both public and private schools . I don 't necessarily believe that private schools offer a better education . The only difference is they push harder and move faster because the parents are paying for their kids to attend . I put my son in a private school because the public school we were in was horrible . He wasn 't learning anything . He was bored , unchallenged , plus he needed help fitting in socially and the school district was unwilling to offer him services based on his academics . I thought putting him in a private school would offer him a better education , with smaller class sizes , and I would see some positive benefits . It was the worst decision I ever made . My ten year old nearly had an emotional breakdown by the end of the year due to the massive amounts of work , the emphasis on written work , the fact that he didn 't fit in , and by the end of the year he was so burned out , that I felt guilty for even trying this experiment . We moved to a different school district , and he is back in public school . He is receiving the help he needed socially . The work is still unchallenging for him , most of it is a repeat of what he learned last year , but he does well . I don 't think we need to worry about straight A 's in fifth grade . The school has clubs , and he is in a science club that he really enjoys . It is a much better school than the private school I sent him to last year that cost several thousand dollars . It may not be the BEST public school in my area , in fact it is rated as a failing school , but it is a good fit for my son . Before considering another private school , I 'd have to see some reason why the public school system couldn 't offer the same thing . My experience is that kids who have learning disabilities , ADHD , Asperger 's or other challenges do not do well in private schools . Most private schools look for kids who can do their work without extra motivation , basically , they look for the " good kids . " My son doesn 't fit that profile . He 's better off in a public school that offers him a certain amount of services for his learning disabilities and doesn 't push loads of work on him . In private school we were doing at least two hours of homework a night , and often more like four or five . Now , we seldom do more than two . Usually homework is done in about an hour . The only way I 'd put a child like my son back in a private school is if it was a school specifically for kids with learning difficulties . Otherwise , he can continue to attend the local public school , even if it might not be the best school , until college . Then he can decide if he wants to go to a public or private college . I liked my private college experience , but I did end up paying back a lot of loans . Not that I could afford it anyways - I wouldn 't choose private school for my kidlets if I had the money . My kids need to live in a real world - not a fabricated one of monied isolationists . They need to see other life situations - families not necessarily mirroring their own , how other kids with issues work through them , etc . I think my kids learn a great deal of empathy and support for their peers in the inclusive public school classrooms they are in . For example , my daughter ( soon to be 9 ) takes great pride in helping a learning challenged friend catch up to the lesson when she gets back from speech therapy twice a week . I can see some here would say - its not her responsibility , she should be in an environment where she only has to deal with ehr own needs - but to what end ? Complete self involvement ? It seems we have enough of those types in the world already . I went to both public and private school and in my case I did much better in the private school but I lived in NY city where there are many many different types of private schools , there weren 't choices for public schools other than specialized high schools when I was going to school . I went to a progressive school , which was a great fit for me . It wouldn 't be a great fit for every kid . I do agree that it does depend on the kid , some kids will do well where ever they go and others need a specific kind of environment to thrive . There isn 't an easy answer as I don 't think private school is always the answer especially if there isn 't much variety , yes the academics might be better but the pace , culture etc may not be right for your child or your family . I don 't think there is a right or wrong answer . The only major drawback to public school for me is the standardized testing and not so good teachers and / or schools may focus on " passing " the test as opposed to actually teaching . For me that is a concern . However , magnet or charter schools may not have the same requirement to test every year . Public Schools are at a disadvantage not because of money - Private schools usually make due with less - but because of philosophy . Public Schools emphasis on political correctness , diversity & making sure nothing ' damages ' a child 's self - esteem is misguided & leads to a de - emphasis on things academic . A simple example : whereas in most private schools ( forget uniforms for a minute ) , if a student came in inappropriately dressed , say just wearing a baseball cap , in most cases in public school , teachers wouldn 't even take note . They might even be afraid of a lawsuit . In private school , the student would be told to take it off & put it away . When you think of all the money spent on public education ( and I realize the mantra is give us more , more , more ) and the poorly educated students they turn out , it 's a bit mind - boggling ! Two problems : teachers ' union and bloated administration . Teacher 's unions understandably look out for their own interests , not the students . They wish for and really have no accountability . In most school districts , it 's impossible to fire blatantly incompetent teachers . In NYC , for instance , the really bad ones they segregate to what is commonly referred to as ' rubber rooms ' . There they don 't teach , they don 't do anything except maybe read the newspaper , and there they sit collecting salary , bene 's and finally retirement ! I 've often wondered why there isn 't a Parent 's Union looking out for theirs and their children 's best interest . The PTA doesn 't fulfill that role . And , if you look at where public schools spend their dollars , too little goes to the classroom . Public schools have overdone bureaucracies with layers upon layers of un - needed personnel , paid very well thank you . Private schools are far from perfect . I went to parochial schools through high school , and maybe it was my rebellious spirit , but I thought I had to go to college just to make up for what I missed . For my daughter - 8 years old - we have her in a private school , a very good one . She 's in second grade reading at a 6th grade or 7th grade level . No one bats an eyelash . With Math she 's only a grade ahead . I pay dearly - 10K a year ! And we live in a nice area where the public schools are good . I just figure that we 're ' front - loading ' the process , giving her a real head start and cultivating her love of learning . Maybe that will pay off , literally , when she gets to college age . Maybe ? I think it really depends . I 've been to a mix - - public through 9th grade , private boarding school for the rest of high school , public college , private graduate school . . . and the only place where I really felt that I was * educated * , out of all of them , was the private boarding school . The rest were about the same quality regardless of price , probably at least partially because we lived in a good neighborhood . Great discussion , and I learned a lot . When my parents brought me from China to Hawaii we couldn 't afford a private school , but from the sound of it I probably would not have survived in a private school since I did not know English at that time . In the public school I was able to be excused from English class and go to ESL class and quickly picked up English in about a year . Then in ninth grade I was accepted to a fairly fancy private school on full scholarship , but our family moved from Hawaii to California and I didn 't want to be away from my parents . So they rented an apartment in a good school district so I could attend the school . That seemed to be the most economic choice . Later in my junior year of high school they purchased a home in a town that 's seriously a block away from my high school , but happens to be over the county line and was valued a tens of thousands dollars cheaper than the house next door . My high school had a policy that said if you moved out of the district you can still be a continuing student as long as you maintain a B average . I really loved my high school and I don 't think I would have fit in in that beautiful private school . So I do appreciate going to public schools and never really experienced the other choice . My husband said his parents let him choose his own schools and I think that is what we will let our kids do . If they like the public school they see then that 's great . So why not go there ? I think that 's probably the most FRUGAL option anyway . Get your kids into honors programs and it 'll almost be like they 're in a private school . I went to public school from K - 12 and in college . Today , I 'm a true blue rocket scientist . Tell ME that public education doesn 't work . Go ahead . As long as YOU value education and instill that value in your children , they will get the most out of school that they can . There is a lot there , if you look for it . The teachers aren 't going to stuff knowledge into your head , but they 'll present it so you can take what you want from it . I am really struggling with this decision , but we are planning to send our son to public school . Don 't look at public and private as an either / or option because sometimes there are other options out there . In our school district , we have magnet schools and that is the option we have chosen . Parents are required to volunteer three hours a year ( which I would have done anyway ) and you can get a " private school " education on a public school dollar . I went to both public and private school . Private through 5th grade , and public thereafter . Private schools are better for self - motivated kids that already would excel in school anyways . I found I did better in public school due to diversity , and the fact that the competition was not as fierce for grades ( less stress for me ! ) . My brother , on the other hand , went private schools all the way . It was too stressful for him . He had to repeat the 10th grade . . . twice . Just a thought , but have you considered the impact of an educational environment beyond a child 's school years ? An advantage to at least consider : private schools , even in small towns , teach children to navigate challenging social waters with confidence . They also help students focus on admissions to top colleges where these skills become more valuable . Public school may do the same for many , but I was a shy kid from a working class background who lucked into a ( partial ) scholarship at a small private school school . My prep school tuition and college loans may have been painful at the time , but now I see they bought more than just a top notch education . They effortlessly opened up a social world that made my adult career goals not just possible , but expected . Six degrees of separation shrank to one or two . All thanks to private school . The class sized were extremely small . I had , on average in high school , a 7 or 8 to 1 student - teacher ratio . Imagine trying to daydream or pass notes with only 7 other kids in your class . Not going to happen . We learned how to shut the hell up . The fear of a ruler on the knuckles is enough to make you stay in your seat and pay attention to the lesson . No bullies . Seriously . No lunch money bandits , nobody pushing you around , smacking your books to the ground . Not even any real name calling . The overweight kids got picked last for kickball , but no one ever made fun of them for it . More parental involvement . I 've seen a bunch of studies that show that the more parents are involved in their kid 's education , the better they do . If a parent is dropping between 5 - 25k per year , you better believe they 're going to make sure they 're getting their money 's worth . Everyone else is right : if the kid has some kind of learning or emotional disorder that would require extra help , public schools are probably the way to go . But if the kid is at least an average student and would benefit from tougher academic competition and a stronger sense of community , then you can 't beat a private education , especially in the k - 8 years . We started my son in state preschool and switched to a private school because after being constantly guilted into volunteering in the classroom , I noticed too much regarding the kind of kids my kid was going to school with . I think the day the cop 's kid and the drug dealer 's kid was talking about ' my dad arrested your dad ' with expletives all around I decided you know , let 's make it through second grade before we deal with guns and meth and the F - word used like salt and pepper , shall we ? The switch has been great . There are 10 kids in my sons ' class . The teachers are ex - public school teachers who didn 't want to just record test scores anymore but wanted to actually teach and incorporate the arts . They also flat up don 't tolerate that sort of playground banter and behavioral issues . I went to both and preferred private . My husband did public and has no opinion on it but he too realized we wanted to do a bit of intervention and find a school that reflected our values better . Margaret Garcia - Couoh We started my son in state preschool and switched to a private school because after being constantly guilted into volunteering in the classroom , I noticed too much regarding the kind of kids my kid was going to school with . I think the day the cop 's kid and the drug dealer 's kid was talking about ' my dad arrested your dad ' with expletives all around I decided you know , let 's make it through second grade before we deal with guns and meth and the F - word used like salt and pepper , shall we ? The switch has been great . There are 10 kids in my sons ' class . The teachers are ex - public school teachers who didn 't want to just record test scores anymore but wanted to actually teach and incorporate the arts . They also flat up don 't tolerate that sort of playground banter and behavioral issues . I went to both and preferred private . My husband did public and has no opinion on it but he too realized we wanted to do a bit of intervention and find a school that reflected our values better . Margaret Garcia - Couoh Both of my sons go to a Christian school . My wife runs the kitchen , so we get a break on tuition . As a public high school drop out , I was adamant about putting our boys in private school . My wife on the other hand did fine in public schools . I tended to be lazy , and in public school there wasn 't anyone to push me . I would actually skip school to stay home and read . . . I wish my parents could have afforded private school for me , it took me an extra decade to get to the point in life I would have been if I had graduated . Both of my boys are extremely athletic , and will probably want to go to public high school where they can compete in sports . The only sports their school has is soccer and basketball . I attended private school from preK to 8th grade , then I attended public school for High School . Personally I found private school to be the best education I recieved . During High School I found myself unbelieveably bored and willing to do other student 's homework , which I did on many occassions . I found private school to be wonderful in the education realm but I am glad that I attended public school because of the access to many different social opportunities . The argument about it being dependant on the child is valid , however I am grateful that my mother forced the issue with private school when I was younger and then pursued the idea of public school later on . It was great to see both sides of education and social behavior . My husband and I debate this issue as well for our future children . I personally hope to expose them to both . In regards to " is it worth the money ? " who knows . I know plenty of individuals who attended public school their entire lives and took gifted classes and excelled in High School with Advanced Placement and Independant Study . I also know as many who achieved the same after attending Private School . If anything it could be viewed as an investment . Try it out for a year and if your child doesn 't like it then public school it is . for 8 years , then public work - school type high school ( very unique for its time , junior / senior years , you went year - round , work 2 weeks , school 2 weeks , had to keep high grade average ) , then on to Wright State University in Dayton , OH . You 've really hit a nerve with me with this column . I personally hate the snotty attitude most roman catholics have about their parochial school educations and how they love to badmouth the public schools when in most cases they don 't have a clue what it 's like to leave their little smalltown german / irish catholic neighborhoods their whole lives . I know whereof I speak ; I was catholic for 30 years . Dayton , OH , is a catholic town like many in the U . S . In my 7th and 8th grade years in particular back in the late 60s and early 70s , there were almost no nuns teaching in my parochial school anyway . In my school , they were replaced by an extremely unhappy Latin American guy who hated North Americans , an ex - military officer who 'd wear his uniform daily and was very much out of place , and an unhappy young black woman into black power ( and all white kids sitting in front of her ) . So much for a catholic education . I was only 1 of 8 kids who did not attend the local catholic high school , and I COULD NOT WAIT to be away from the catholic education system and everything to do with it , and I have never regretted it . I seriously , seriously doubt that its system has changed a whit . My niece absolutely hated the abovementioned catholic high school and lasted a month there . Again , the snotty attitudes prevail . Bravo for homeschooling in particular , bravo for alternative schools and for trade - type schools . When I was growing up , kids got sent to private school when they were screwing up academically , and likely to not get into college . It was like the opposite of " dropping out " - like " pulled in " . ( The ones without money just dropped out . ) My family was public school all the way , as were my sibs . I was a slacker and went to Cal like the original poster , and now read blogs at work while I try to code . My brother is now a physicist for UC . My sister is a teacher . On the other hand , I 'm Asian . If I were Latino or Black , I 'd consider private school . The publics seem to allow some minorities to try less hard . . . . are really advantages . For instance , I opposed standardized testing - and I still do , if it 's the only form of evaluation . But because of the testing , our public middle school arranged the schedule so kids would have an extra math or English class each day . And they really focus on giving the kids good study skills as well as good test - taking skills . And having to accomodate all types of kids also worked well for my daughter . It 's called " differentiated learning , " and it means that instead of lecturing at kids you present the material in a variety of different ways . I pulled my younger daughter out of Catholic school in fifth grade , because she wasn 't doing well , and put her in public school . I saw an immediate difference : She was happier and more enthusiastic about learning , and her grades skyrocketed . I kept my older daughter in the parochial school , where the kids sat in their seats all day and listened to the teachers lecture them , often using lesson plans that were older than the students . She hated school , and I hated the huge amounts of homework they loaded on the kids ( so the parents could feel they were getting their money 's worth ) . Not only was the Catholic school academically inferior , it was worse in other ways as well : The teachers yelled at the kids and some were verbally abusive , they played favorites , and bullying was common and often tolerated . I really regret not moving my older daughter to public school earlier . Now she is thriving in a public high school where over 95 percent of the students go on to college , some to very good schools . A lot does depend on the individual schools , but I really think a good public school - not even necessarily a magnet or charter school - has a lot to offer . I 'd check that option out first before shelling out for private school . Save the money for a good college instead . That 's what I 'm doing . As personal background , I went to public school through high school , and now I 'm about to graduate from a private college ( Baylor ) with a chemistry degree . My parents considered putting me in private school about 5th grade - we visited a couple - but I wasn 't really interesteded . All the private school kids I knew were snotty . Which is what I expected when I came to Baylor , but I fell in love with the school , and the people . I had an excellent education , but I was a pretty self motivated kid . I was reading Ten Thousand Leagues under the Sea in 2nd grade . Seriously , it was ridiculous . In high school , I had some classes with 10 , 12 , or even 4 people in them . But I was at the top of my class . Those class sizes were because no one else wanted to take them . . . : ) I find it interesting how many contradictions are in the comments . Some people say that smart , self motivated kids will do just as well in either place , some say those are the ones you want to private school . Some say that the kids who are struggling should be sent to private schools . Some say that kids with learning disabilities need the extra money at public schools , some that they wiill do better in private schools . There are no bullies at private schools , there are more than at public schools . You get the idea . Anyway , I think I 'll send my kids to public schools , unless there are problems there . Or unless they want to go to private school and / or win a scholarship . In Texas , there 's a rule that if you 're in the top 10 % of your high school class , you can go to any state school you want ( and A & M is pretty darn selective , believe it or not ) . Obviously , there 's some controversy over this . . . . My children will consistently have high - quality teachers ( I know not all are amazing , but I think a greater percentage are ) , a challenging curriculum , and a well - maintained campus with well - equipped classrooms and facilities . While I know that they will almost inevitably be exposed to drugs , it is much less likely that they will be exposed to gangs and gang violence ( I live in Los Angeles ) . They will be in an environment where academic achievement is respected and admission to the country 's top colleges for a good portion of each graduating class is expected . A smaller student body will give my children a greater chance to form relationships with friends and faculty and to find a niche they are comfortable in and hopefully a place to excel . I know that I was better off , socially , at my private schools than at my public schools . I attended a private college for undergrad , and a state instution for grad school . I finished school without loans , because I was a scholarship kid . ( I was probably assisted in getting that scholarship by the excellent education I received at my college - prep private high school ) . What you are forgetting is the third choice . Home education . So many people are heading in this direction now . With home school groups in just about every town in America and curriculum aids of all kinds , there really is no better way to go . Home education is the best bang for your buck . The best education without the heavy bill of a private school . Both parents can pitch in their own personal strong points in the education while enjoying the time with their child . No more trying to find time to spend with the child . Living in the right district is no issue or even living close to a private school . The curriculum is soley your choice . The class can be no smaller . And children do not need equipment , they need books and life . And as far as the myth of " what about social life " goes , that is a non - issue . I can tell a home educated child from a mile away by the interaction they are able to have with adults . How many governement - educated children really , and I mean really , have conversations with adults . Shouldn 't that be what you are preparing your children for is life in the adult world . I know many women who go this homeschool route . Some are great - they 've made a choice based on their child 's needs or their religious preferences . Hats off to them who are doing it the right way . You 've never seen a public school kid who can talk to adults ? Really ? My public school educated kid can talk to adults with ease . But she can also talk to children her age . I can tell a home schooled kid a mile away too . They are often routinely the kids who struggle in social settings with peers . I watch them unable to handle our neighborhood swim team b / c they can 't relate to kids in their age group , unable to play structured games in the cul de sac we live on . They have less friends , less of a gasp on modern culture . Maybe you think all of that is wonderful but the real world is made up of lots of kinds of people . If you don 't allow your child safe , healthy expose to the rest of the world , you overload them when they are unleashed on it . Again many parents are doing an excellent but some of them aren 't . Classic example - my friend C barely got through HS and is home schooling her son now . She has no training , doesn 't think she needs any and what she calls an education is basically her normal day . I attended parochial schools K - 12 . In 8th grade at the local Catholic school , I decided not to be confirmed and that I vehemently disagree with much of the religious doctrine . So , I resented attending 4 more years of religion class . I also wished for more fun electives , and begged to go to public school so I could take shop class or auto repair alongside my AP courses . I didn 't realize what a tremendous gift my parents had given me until I went to a public college . I loved the warm and engaging people I met at my university , but was extremely disappointed in the academic level of my peers . I had been writing 6 + page papers as a HS freshman , and up to 20 pages as a senior in AP English . In my college freshman Honors English course , we were challenged to write less than half what I had done in HS . The grammar and diction in the papers I peer - edited were substandard ; I , in turn , gained little from my peer editors . In my non - Honors courses , some of my classmates wrote so poorly that I wondered how they were ever admitted to college ! It was hard to find the push I needed to really develop further in college , when the starting point for the class was much lower than my HS courses were . I know I 'm an academic elitist , and most people would shame me for such behavior . I feel compassion for bright students who care but don 't have access to better teachers . However , it only makes sense to compete with those at or near your own level . Few would fault a pro athlete for declining to play in a pick - up game . ( FWIW , I 'm a crappy athlete ) My husband and I are desperately trying to make the best decision possible for our two children in middle school . We both went to public schools all the way through with with one exception . I attended an all women catholic college for 2 years . Our public education was terrible . Including graduate school and law school , I did my absolute best work ever during the 2 years in private college . Both my children have been in private school all the way through 6th / 7th grade . We tried our local public school for my daughters ' 1st grade and knew it wouldn 't challenge her enough . We have 2 gifted kids , one with a bit of ADD . We have found private school to be worth it for the class size , quality teachers and curriculum up until now . Lately we 've been asking ourselves whether the benefits are worth the lack of economic diversity , ( there is a great amount of racial diversity ) , the 25K ( each ) investment , and the commute . We are also more concerned about the fish in a fish pond problem but we can 't seem to find a lot of data to show whether there is a benefit either way . We know they will need to stand out but it seems like they will need that in private school even more so . If I were in college admissions , I would expect a lot more of a kid with the silver spoon and no real life struggles . But I 'm not sure if this really plays out in reality . And we actually want our kids to struggle and come to appreciate the wide variety of people and life circumstances they will encounter with a public education . We 're just concerned about the actual academic education ! We have been leaning toward public for high school and after reading these comments I am feeling even more confident about public . This is based on the content but surprisingly it 's also because of the quality of writing coming from people advocating public over private . I went to a great public school system and we live now in a great area so we are content with public schools but we have looked around for private ones . However one reason we stay with public schools is the added support for children who learn differently or slower . Our daughter has an IQ on the high side of normal but has a what they call a ' silent learning disability ' because it doesn 't show up on any one testing tool but more of a collectively slow executive processing problems . Which is just gibberish for she 's bright but just needs to go over things more to really learn them and have some extra time in testing to show what she really knows . Private schools can offer small classes but they routinely do not offer extra support in terms of helping kids like mine . In a public school , she gets accommodations and support that have her on the honor roll . We 've looked at private schools and they all are very clear that they keep children on pace more and it is harder for them to fall behind with the extra attention but if it is a learning issue , they are really out of luck . I have to agree with the poster above . I know a few families that homeschool . One is a crazy rightwing witch . Yes , there are plenty of decent Republicans . But this one is one of those nutty racist flat earth types who practically spits with rage whenever she opens her mouth . It would be nice for children to be raised in an environment that 's a little less , uh , angry . It might do her kids good to hear that somebody else could actually feel differently than Mother . I 'm sure the kids look cute arguing for the Gold Standard and the flat tax , but they are like little pissed off robots . Another is a sweet but wifty liberal mom . She would never pressure her precious snowflakes to do anything - - she " unschools " them . The kids are delightful and charming . The teenage boy loves woodworking , which he basically figured out for himself . Reading , however , he has not figured out . At age 15 . He probably has a learning disability . But there was never a reading expert who observed him and helped to correct him at a time of life when his young brain was being formed . But now , it could be too late . And even if it isn 't , there 's nothing going on in that home that would encourage him to take up an activity that requires self - discipline like learning how to read . I am a public school teacher , and I would probably put my kids in private school . I do feel the teachers in public schools are generally better . They are required to complete more education and are provided with ( almost too much ) extra staff development . However , the behavior of the students is horrible . There is a lack of respect for the teachers , the school , and for education in general . And since children are required by law to attend school , there is little that can be done about it . Students are given detentions . They don 't attend . Then they are assigned a Saturday School . They don 't attend . It would be easy to say , well go to the next step and suspend the students , and then if that doesn 't work expel them . But there are so many students that don 't follow the consequences , that it is impossible to do this . As a parent , I would be more worried that my kids are around that kind of attitude so much of the day . Plus , students simply don 't do the work . I will give an assignment and most of the time over half of the class won 't complete it . Forget about homework . It 's impossible to have class discussions about anything because only three or four students will have know what is going on . I give failing grades , but they don 't care . And neither do their parents . I can 't get some of these parents on the phone to save my life ! Or I call to tell them about their child 's failing grade and they say , " Okay , thank you . I will talk to him / her , " but nothing ever changes . When I hear the media talking about our failing schools , I want to scream ! It 's the parents of these kids who are failing . I 'm doing my job as best I can . I can 't physically make a child read or write . Private schools have the option of booting the kids who do nothing . And parents have an extra incentive to make sure their child is doing the work because they are paying for it . I think public schools should fine parents for their children 's poor behavior and lack of effort . Our tax dollars pay for the desk , books , and supplies these student are wasting . Let the parents pay for it if all it is is childcare . Amen , sister ! You really know what is going on ! Parents who sit back and do nothing are the cause of failing public schools . Teachers is public are generally good . They really do care , but you can 't find the overwhelming odds that some kids face at home . You can take the student to the water , but you can 't make them drink . Ok , see your point , but . . . . . since I 've got children ranging from 3 to 24 , I feel like I have some experience in this issue . For Nashville , TN the choice is ambiguous at best . We have some great private schools , and then there are some really bad ones as of late . The graduates of one private school here score poorly compared to public schools in a nearby county . And teaching techniques have evolved greatly in the last 18 years that I have physically participated . Furthermore , some private schools weed out illegal immigrants just because of accessibility alone , so there is less drag on the over all performance of that school . So , bottom line is where do you live ? Sounds like you need to live in a rich area , like Brentwood , and attend public school with every other child ( that can afford to live there . ) I have been solely educated by public schools and I feel that I have a major disadvantage as compared to those who were educated in the private school system . For one , I don 't earn all that much money relative to my great number of years of schooling and there has been no networking for me despite this being the way most jobs are gotten these days . Plus , public schools are just like the public sector - - let 's see how cheaply we can do everything ! If you want a chance at a decent existence and some luxuries in life , go for private schooling . If you want to attend lower class schools without a hint of opulence , no one to network with , and a lower middle class existence , do what I did . Trust me ! Private schools have no accountability for doing the " right " things . When you land in a corrupt private school with the best intentions for your child and find out they will only promote their high donating kiss ass families you will suffer dearly . Your might have top students even in a private environment and your child may still be treated at the lowest levels . Best to take a for sure risk our Public school system . By the way Public schools have much more to offer for a well rounded student anyway . I have been reading the post and find it interesting that security in the public schools were not mentioned . I have a 5 year old that is in private K and will be going to private school in Sept . I live in NJ and the public school i am zoned to is about 100 years old and has below state test scores . I was willing to at least give the school a try and go in and look around since the private school we are sending our daughter to is very expensive 21k . When i walked into the public school at 9 : 00 a young girl about 10 was at the door and told me where the main office was . There were kids sitting on the stairs and walking around the hallways . The main office was cluttered with piles of papers and very disorganized . I walked out and decided right there i was not sending my daughter there . She is very bright and has been reading since 18 months . She needed a school that would challenge her . I am not Catholic , but my husband and I registered her in the local Catholic school just in case she didn 't get into P school . We felt secure leaving her there since the doors are kept locked and the staff is on top of the students . I don 't know if she would have gotten a better education in public or Catholic school but we just learned she was excepted in the private school we wanted . For 21k a year she will get a 7 : 1 teacher ratio , teachers with masters and special certifications in their fields . The school is set up like a college . i had my doubts sending her to such an expensive school , but my peace of mind that she will be in a safe place with kids who are academically on or close to her level is what i needed . Children who are gifted have no resources in the public schools because they usually are only gifted in a few areas and may lag behind in others . They are special needs children too with no place to go , but private school . I don 't know how this will work out , but i feel good that i am giving my daughter the best environment for her learning potential that i can . My husband and i were planning to move , but with the housing maREPLY I went to Catholic / private lower / middle / high school and public college . The difference was mind - blowing for me . I have a son now so I 'm concerned with this debate now more than ever . I just don 't think you can put a price on the networking and exposure aspects that a private school can offer . My wife is a NYC public school teacher and she sees what normally goes on in your run - of - the - mill NYC public school . The very best kids usually end up bored , the struggling kids get left behind , and the middle of the pack kids just get by . One thing that concerns me is the cost . While I find the tuition to be really pricey , what bothers me more is that they just set their prices based upon WHAT ? The fact that rival schools charge that much ? Their operating costs ? Their locations ? Their payroll ? How can every school in Manhattan and Brooklyn be $ 28 , 000 - $ 32 , 000 ? I feel that they just make their costs the same as the other schools , just so they aren 't perceived as being cheap or less prestigious , not because it actually costs that student that much for the education . I went to public school from kindergarten - 7th grade . Then because I had ADHD my parents were able to let me go to private school for free because of a grant . I didn 't like it , but that 's because back then I didn 't like school period and I wasn 't a christian . I did a little more research into the differences between public and private schools and found out some interesting facts . I even taught at a private school once ( it was a baptist one though . . . ) Public schools are terrible because of gangs , drugs , there 's a lot of bad kids that go there and do bad things . I would not want my child growing up to be a hoodlum with a baby at sixteen which is why I would not expose my child to that kind of chaos and depravity . Plus public school classes are much too large and a child can 't get the individual attention that they need . Not in the least way do I take any sort of prejudice against Christians , but I have found that christian private schools aren 't much better than public schools . In a sense it 's as though they " zap " the child 's creativity by binding them to an impossibly strict set of rules . And I think it 's better to not force a religion on a child as they will grow up to dislike it , in most cases . The best schools I have found are non - religious based private schools . They strive for their students to receive the best academic standards , classes are small , they aren 't around so much drugs and violence like the public schools . I am certainly not wealthy , but I believe that private school is worth every penny . After all , we should all strive for better education for ourselves and our children . We tried all three options ; private , public and homeschool . Homeschool wins hands down . Flexible , as expensive or inexpensive as you want it to be , total freedom to pursue different methods and special interests , week long field trips / vacations in the uncrowded seasons , and a great community of like minded people to share expertise and equipment . Read " How to Home School " by Gayle Graham or " The Right Choice " by Chris Klicka before dismissing this as an option . Went to public school in San Francisco from K - 8th grade . The middle school I attended was a JOKE . I started hanging around with the wrong crowd , cutting classes and failing all my classes . My parents didn 't even find out I was cutting classes until half the school year was over . When they found out they enrolled me in a private catholic school , which I attended from 9th to 12th grade . The experience changed my life and I vowed that if I ever had children I would NEVER send them to public school . I agree with comment from the public school teacher that the majority of kids in public school ( especially in urban communities such as SF ) are unruly and disrespectful . I now have 3 children ages 10 to 19 . They are all in private school from the time they were in kinder . Yes , it is expensive , especially in SF , but I consider it an investment in their future . The teahcers from private school don 't take crap from the kids . I agree with another parent who commented that there were no bullies , no fighting , no name calling or teasing . Of course there 's a small number of rebellious students , but they are usually put in their place fast . Disrespect is never tolerated in private school . The consequences for bad behavior or poor academics - you get kicked out . There 's no time for nonsense in private school . Unlike public school , where kids are talking back to teachers or behaving badly . Kids who act up in private school get expelled and get thrown into public school . I disagree with one parent who thinks that private school kids are not living in the " real world " because they are not dealing with real life issues . The high school my kids attend has a 100 hour committment from each student that requires them to do volunteer work directly related to the Sick , aged , homeless and disabled . My oldest son , even after he graduated , volunteers at the homeless shelter and food banks . Public schools don 't have this requirement and alot of kids never even exposed to that experience . I 'm not saying that all public schools are bad , but in SF , the public school system is disappointing . My son 's friend in 8th grade who attended private school and barely passed with a D average - now goes to the local public high school and now takes honors English class . What does that tell you about the school system . I would never trust my kids education to the public school system in SF . My oldest son begged us to send him to public school in 9th grade , we flat out refused and told him it was for his own good and he 'd thank us later . He graduated last year and did thank us for it . He now attended a small private university . I realize I 'm a johnny - come - two - years - late to this discussion , but I think the points raised are even more relevant today than they were two years ago . Interestingly enough , our current economic downturn has made private schools an attractive option for a lot of families . State budget - tightening means that public schools are cutting back even more on what they offer . Too often this results in an increase in class size and reduction of classes , subjects and services . Many parents - who previously may have never even considered private education - are investigating whether private schools could work for their families because they are not willing to compromise their child 's education and future . i 'm looking into boarding schools as a possible last 2 years of high school for me , and most everything i 've read seems to me like its worth it . all my life up to 10th grade i 've been in the public system . . . and sadly im just not challenged . it really bothers me that i have to , im not sure how to say this , uhm , tone down my learing attitude ? well my usual class size can range from 20 - 30 kids per class and im not with equal minded kids who WANT to learn . I 've brought it up to my parents before but they say it isnt worth the cost to them . i have a sizable dowry to pay for my education , but my parents dont want to spend it on boarding school , they say the payoff isnt worth it . the way i see it though is , if i can get financial aid for the boarding school than i should have at least a little left , and with the experience yadda yadda knowledge , etc i expect to get at a boarding school than that should lend me to a better scholarship than if i just went public the whole way and not have too many loans to worry about in the future . . . . at least thats what i hope will happen . i know that simply attending some prestigous school wont gurantee me a free ride , but i think its worth the risk . my parents are , ironically enough , pressuring me to pursue the arts , which doesnt pay very well in my eyes , and i want to be more than just some no name penniless artist working painting to painting . it really is ironic . as a student wanting to attend a private boarding school do you all have any ideas to really getting my parents to understand why i want to do this ? although my older brother got kicked out of a local private school , so they may have more convictions than the average parent . . . . . Wow ! What a great forum ! I think as moms we are constantly searching for the best for our children . A lot of people associate better with money . Unfortunately it is impossible to compare public to private , because there are so many different types of private and public schools . I attended parochial schools from 1st to 12th grade . It was very much a " bubble " , but I 'd say it was a good experience in grammar school , not necessarily in high school though . My father had 8 children , six of whom were girls , so Catholic schools were the only option in his eyes . I will say that we went to the " lower income " catholic school , not the elite schools , so there was never any " holier than though " attitude from students . We were taught social justice and became one big family in grade school . In high school I was envious of a few friends who left the Catholic school to attend charter high schools . There was so much more opportunity at some of the public high schools in the arts , drama , etc . I feel like I missed out on a lot due to lack of programs at my catholic high school . My eldest son is attending his 4th year in public school in the fall . It is so close to home that we walk to school . It is very easy for me to be involved due to proximity . I will say this though , when looking for schools , go backward . Pick the high school first , then find the path to get them there . Sounds odd but I 've slowly discovered this in the past few years . In Australia - private schools are * * * * . I am a boarder as well , so my parents pay like $ 40 , 000 + per year and I am regretting the education here now . I used to enjoy the extra co - curricular , but now as I approach my university - entrance exams , I find private schools much worse academically than the selective schools . If I had to re - do , I would only enter private schools on the basis of scholarships or for other merits than academic . I would also not choose Australia to be a boarder . I 'd probably go to the US or UK . Worse comes to worse , an international school . My background : I went to a Catholic school K - 8 and then a public HS even though I had wanted to go to a Catholic HS . My parents , solidly working class with 5 kids said that they had specifically moved to that neighborhood on Long Island because of the public school system . I got a fantastic education from K - 8 and did they drill us on correct grammar ! I got a wonderful education in HS with many teachers caring about me and my future . Some crucial points though : my HS had only 850 children . I graduated number 10 without much effort , and playing 2 sports a year . Got into an Ivy League college . Now we have four kids , one of whom has ADHD , and we are trying to make the decision about whether or not to invest in private HS for them , which , all in , would cost us close to 200k for all of them . We will certainly have to be very frugal to make this work . Not to mention having very little saved for their college . The public school here is ' good ' but huge with 2000 kids . This concerns me . How could a teacher possibly care about my child and his future ? How could they have the time ? According to my daughter , who attends the public secondary school that feeds into the public HS , there is a lot of disrespect toward teachers , and a lot of teachers who won 't ( can 't ? ) stop such behavior . She says she often does the work on her own because the class is disruptive . She is in honors classes . She often comes home and looks on google to understand an algebra concept and I ask her , " can 't you stay after class and ask the teacher to explain it more ? " and her reply is , " we are not allowed , there is only enough time to get to your next class . " Your husband might be right about some public schools not having labs as nice as those in private schools , but I don 't think that 's true of public schools in Northern Virginia ! Our two children were lucky enough to have excellent teachers and wonderful facilities ( including excellent science labs ) throughout their 13 years of public education . In fact my son had 14 years of public education , because he had a disability that qualified him for special ed preschool . He also had speech therapy , physical therapy or an adapted PE curriculum , and either a classroom aide or a personal assistant from preschool through the middle of tenth grade ! No private school we visited ( and we checked out several ) could offer that level of support . Both of my children also attended public universities - - the University of Virginia in my daughter 's case , the University of Maryland College Park in my son 's . My daughter liked UVA so much that she returned and earned her law degree there ! Neither one of them got " lost in the shuffle . " I am currently a Senior in a Catholic High School . . . but went to public school every year up until 9th grade . In my experience the public schoolwork seemed to be much harder than the catholic / private school . I also only get maybe 15min to about an hour or so MOST nights , while my public school friends end up having maybe one hour to three hours . I felt like my school had much better funding overall for programs , classes , and nearly everything else . My school is fairly big on sports and theatre too , so nearly every area a child would be interested would be covered . My friends who didn 't go to my school often complained about how something wasn 't funded properly , or that the school needed to get something better than whatever it had . While funding and stuff like that kind of made the tuition kind of acceptable for me after 9th grade , what I found the best reason for me to go to Catholic High Schools was the environment ( again , this is specific to my school most likely ) . While in my public school district we did have many talented students , their was a fairly large population of students who seemed like they were in school only because it was required , and didn 't care about anything that had to do with school . They had little to no plans for college , and many sat down to take the SAT ( Public HS was the test center nearest to me and my HS wasn 't one ) but I could see that they didn 't care . Many simply stared out the window . In my Catholic HS , it seemed like the student population was mostly the upper tier athletes , academically gifted students , or great artists and singers . Most of my friends in the football and basketball teams were very smart , and managed to maintain overall averages of over 90 , with at least five of the athletes having maybe 95 + . I say this only because I used to think that athletes were really jocks who weren 't the brightest and got by on their athleticism . Of course not everybody was a shining star , but there must have been a very little amount of students who seemed borderline pass / fail . I would maybe hear mention of a troublesome kid once or twice a year , and everybody was fairly focused on their studies or the programs they were involved in . Guidance counselors were extremely helpful ( In my cousins public HS in NJ , his GC barely helped with the little things , so my GC ended up giving me info I passed on to him ) , colleges were more inclined to come to our school and meet with the students and offer help if we had / have any questions . We had a great library and a whole wired / connected computer system schoolwide ( it sound impressive but some of the features the school had were fairly amazing and extremely useful . . . these were features I knew the public HS didn 't have . ) In the Private school I had a better friends circle I guess , and the fact that classmates weren 't made up of students who seemed like complete idiots kind of brushed off good habits for me . Students worked hard in school , and had priorities in order . Students also seemed much nicer from my perspective , although in public school I never had a problem of not getting along with anyone , but I would see my friends being mean to other kids , or having unofficial gangs in a way . In the Catholic school though even the " gangsters " , jocks , theater , geeks , emo kids were nice to each other . You could walk up to a seemingly stupid football player and have an intelligent conversation , and nerds could talk to the most beautiful girl in school and become friends easily . People weren 't discriminated against and were generally more accepting . In terms of private / public university I don 't know how much it would matter , but I am still appying to colleges ( both public and private ) . I 'm not choosing a college on whether or not it is private or not , but private colleges do seem much more expensive . Public Universities are still great , and in many respects better than private colleges . SUNY and CUNY schools are amazing and incredibly cheap . In California the UC schools like UCLA and the like are amazing as well . I 'm sure others are as well but those were the main colleges I looked into , along with a couple private schools . I know this is an old post but I figured as a current senior college student , I can give my take . It all depends on where you grew up . I grew up in a really small farming community and there was only one high school . The closest private high school was about 30 minutes away and my parents were not going to drive me every morning . My high school was horrible . At the time I didn 't think about it , but it was . The average ACT score was 20 . 6 for my class and I had a 31 . I was so bored at that school , but it did get a little better when I took night classes at the local community college . I am currently going to a private college where the work is really hard ( they are ranked in the top 30 in the USA ) . When I stepped foot into my first chemistry lab , it was like I was in another world ! ! ! I had no idea what was going on . And my first chemistry lab report was one of the hardest assignments of my life . But i was in the minority . I remember asking my roommate if I could see his lab report , and he banged out 9 pages in one day ! I was shocked ! He told me that he already did it in high school and it was very easy for him . I would say about 80 % of students didn 't struggle . Yes , eventually , I caught up to speed but there are just fundamentals that other students knew that I was never taught in high school . I tell my parents to have my younger brother who is currently in high school , to take summer classes at a nearby college . On the other hand , my girlfriend grew up in a big city . She went to a public high school that was ranked in the top ten in the state . Then she moved and her last two years was at a private school . Last summer , I was helping her packed up her stuff when I saw several notebooks . I opened them up and saw all they were chemistry lab notes from her private high school . They were exactly the same format and depth as intro college chemistry ! She told me her teacher in high school used to be a professor and that a lot of the teachers there have masters or phd 's . So if you value your kids education and future , tryREPLY From my experience with switching from public to private to public ( as I attended private only for a few years in high school ) , not all schools are created equal . Not that my local public school was bad ( considering that I lived in Bloomfield Hills , MI . . . a pretty rich area in these parts ) , but the nearby private school I attended was light - years ahead . Heck , I was reading Milton in my Sophomore year in private high school . Is Private better than Public ? Not sure , as those are pretty broad terms . But , Ill tell you . . . nothing beats a top private school education in terms of kicking your a @@ every night , especially if you want your kids to be spending school breaks reading from the likes of Homer , Beckett and Chaucer . Is that type of education right for every student ? Probably not . Will it transform your kid into a successful well - adjusted human being ? Not sure .
|
Home » Career and Income » Education & Training » Are Private Schools Worth the Money They Demand ? Are Private Schools Worth the Money They Demand ? By Xin Lu on 30 January 2008 I admit it , I am a product of public schools from pre - school through college and I am quite proud of it . By going to public schools I helped my parents save a king 's ransom and going to a public college is a big reason why I ended up with no loans and a good amount of savings . I married a man who loved his sixteen plus years of private education but it is hard for me to fathom how much money his parents had to spend over those years . One day we had a discussion about having kids and he said we would have to send them to private school , and I said I did not think it was worth the money because I got an excellent education in public schools . So he argued his case for private schools and I will list some of his points here . Generally families are assigned to public school districts by the location of their home . This creates expensive real estate in the towns that are supposed to have a good public school district . It is probably cheaper to pay for a private school for a few years than to pay for an extremely high mortgage in an expensive area with a good public school . For schools to be accredited they do have to have an approved core curriculum , but private schools can teach additional things like religion or design specialty programs that focus on math and science . Many people choose private schools for religious reasons and it is understandable to choose belief over money . My husband was able to choose a school that focused on engineering and he loved the projects he had in high school . I am not sure that this is true in all cases . I went to a very small public high school and I felt like I had a lot of attention from my teachers , but once I entered UC Berkeley I was a bit overwhelmed by the auditorium sized classes . So I do think that smaller class sizes are better and on average private schools do have smaller classes than public schools . This is probably true for the most part because private schools generally have more funding per student than large public schools . I remember that my science lab in high school was quite dilapidated and consisted of a few tables and sinks . I did tour a private high school once and they had the most beautiful art room and labs and I was awfully jealous . After my husband made his points , I am not totally counting out private schools for my offspring now . The frugal part of me still is not completely convinced that it is worth spending over a hundred thousand dollars for private high schools . When it gets to the college level many state universities can be just as competitive as private institutions . I think ultimately it is up to our future children to excel in their own manner . If they are excellent students they will be able to get scholarships , and if they wanted to they can flourish in a public school . On the other hand , if they do not care about succeeding then it does not matter how much money I spend on them . Wise Bread readers , do you think that private schools give you an edge ? Are they really worth the money if you had to pay full price ? As some background , I attended private parochial schools through eighth grade , a small public high school and a small private college . I think private schools are worthwhile for children . The biggest reason is that no one tends to get " lost in the shuffle . " Public schools have fewer resources , normally , and that lends itself to educating to the middle of the group . Those that lag behind get left and those that excel get bored . Private schools are better able to give individual attention to all levels during the education process . Actually , it is quite false that private schools , on average , spend more per pupil than public schools . However , a large chunk of public school per - pupil spending goes for meeting the needs of special needs students ( disability , ESL students , etc . ) , whom the public schools are legally obligated to accommodate . Another chunk goes toward the necessarily larger administrative overhead ; whether it 's 10 elementary schools or 100 to coordinate , it 's going to cost more . Finally , I believe public school teacher salaries are actually higher on average than private schools . So it 's really an apples - to - oranges comparison . The " all comers " aspect of the public schools makes it difficult to compare outcomes . There couldn 't be a worse selection bias if you tried ! There is evidence , though , that when you control for socioeconomic factors , private school students perform the same or in some cases worse than matched public - school counterparts . That said , the answer to your question is surely " it depends . " On where you live : there are places , for example , with both a reasonable cost of living and very decent public schools . Places where the public schools a mediocre but there aren 't better private alternatives . Places where the motivated parent can get their child into a specialized public education setting for free , such as a magnet or charter school . On your kids : are they academically inclined ? do they have special needs ? what setting are they socially most comfortable in ? I would really like to know where this person has recieved there information from ? I myself went to a Catholic private school up to 10th . grade when my parents swithed me to public school . I was so far ahead when I was in private school I had enough points to graduate in 10th grade public school ? ? Also 70 % was passing in private school verses 60 % passing in public school . Plus I had maybe 1 study hall in private school verses back to back study halls in public school . Plus Home schooled children tend to have HIGHER SAT scores than those in public school . I 'm just talking from first hand knowledge . I live in the Northeast , which should become relevant in a minute . I attended a Catholic grammar school and the local public high school . I think it all depends on the child . In terms of higher education what you need is a big fish in a big pond ( ultimately , if you can get it ) . Colleges and Universities are looking for diversity and those students who stood out among their peers . Now , this can be accomplished in a variety of ways , get them Irish Step Dancing and have them win Worlds , colleges will accept them . But , academically , it 's harder to do . My Catholic school was fine . I did have one amazing teacher in the 7th and 8th grade who made everything related to English a breeze from then on because , if you 'll pardon my French , she kicked our arses and didn 't take any BS and she was a nun . At the time we thought she was Satan in a habit but since I 've learned to appreciate her and would call her one of my best teachers ever . After 8th grade ' graduation ' , many of my classmates went on to all female or all male Catholic high schools , a few to suburban public , and I went to the local , urban , not with the best reputation because I " m a rebel , public high school ( Lawrence High in Lawrence , MA for any of you familiar ) . I came out 3rd in my class ( I " m a total school slacker , I learn and retain easily therefore the effort necessary to make it to Valedictorian would have eaten into my social time , any tips on how to change this with my masters program are totally welcome . ) with the actual highest SAT score in my class ( loads of ESL students ) and was accepted to all colleges applied , with the exception of Bowdoin and Tufts , classmates ranked lower than I but of a more ethnic persuasion were accepted at both . ( Just for the record , that got me into UMass Amherst , Middlebury , Hamilton College , Tulane University , George Washington University and I think American University . ) Some would maybe make an argument that , yeah , I went to a subpar school and stood out , but how did I do in college ? ? Well , I went to Tulane , slacker mentality prevailed and I graduated with a 3 . 3 GPA , BA in Art History and plenty of time on my hands to party hardy at Mardi Gras . Since I 've pretty much slacked around for a while without direction and now I 'm going for my masters in education from UMass Boston and hope to teach in an urban high or middle school . See , the secret is these schools get LOADS of funding and loads of opportunities and my school , at least , was not plagued by the John Hughes syndrome ( nerds , geeks , jocks , slackers ) , we knew we were all sort of underdogs in the eyes of the surrounding community and we bonded together . If you were in more advanced classes than someone else they didn 't label you , they asked for help with their math homework . It was great . Now , Lawrence High had a program were you could spend a semester at Phillips Andover and I took advantage of this . I will admit it was fun to live there , the food was free and plentiful and yummy , and the classes were interesting ( we only took two I think , I took an acting class and Urban Studies which is why we were there , take the poor kids and see how they react , I 'm not kidding ) and we had to keep up with our work at LHS so our teachers came to visit once a week and we had no problems . My point is Andover has a place BUT the vast majority of people I met there and I think you can check this out , ended up at UMass . A large number of Andover grads do NOT end up at Harvard , Yale , Princeton , etc because those schools don 't want them . They want big fish and you 're basically competing with a bunch of people in the same boat as you , at best you 're a fish in a fishpond . And I am not disparaging UMass at all , I almost went there , but who spends $ 20k + on high school for a kid hoping he 'll get into the local , public , state University ? And , after all that , my point is , it 's all dependent on the child . If you have a smart kid who will do well and needs a bit of a challenge , I 'd send them public and not really worry about ' good ' districts . ( the ' good ' district by me has lost all funding for sports , all art and all music , although parents might be able to pay a fee because the override or tax hike or whatever failed . ) You can get an education anywhere and everywhere has good , dedicated teachers to help with this . There are also crap teachers everywhere . If your child needs extra attention or extra motivation , I 'd go private because that 's where they excel and the smaller class sizes would benefit . Students with a tougher time will not slip through the cracks as easily at smaller , private schools . That said , a student , if he or she wants to , can disappear in any setting . Should I have children , I will struggle with this question myself . My main points right now is that I am adamant that they will pay for their own college education ( most of it ) and I will not reinvent their room at home in college by hiring a decorator , etc . I think that 's stupid . Your husband makes some valid points - - and definitely items to consider , such as the cost of buying a home in a great school district vs . paying private school tuition , opportunity for specialized training , etc . Public charter schools and magnet schools can tilt the balance back toward public schools in some systems . There is a new magnet high school in my area offering specialized studies in biotechnology and computer engineering , for example . You may have seen this report on the Nations ( USA ) Schools : basically , kids at private schools do perform better than those at public schools ; but if you adjust for socio - economic factors , they perform about the same ( depending on the grade and type of private school , public schools outperform private schools ) . The message being that you shouldn 't make assumptions about what type of school is better but check out the schools , public and private in your area before making a decision . In my area , parents are often surprised that , when they switch from private to public schools , their children lag in academic performance . So I should mention that I , too , attended public schools from elementary school through college . REPLY One thing to remember here is that the public vs . private debate is not an all or nothing proposal . You don 't have to commit to either 13 years of one or 13 years of the other . I started kindergarten in a public school and stayed there until second grade , when we moved to a city that had bad public education . In fifth grade , we moved again , this time to a wealthy district , but one whose elementary education was only geared for the " lowest common denominator " . By seventh grade , I 'd reentered public education , and stayed there until the end of my undergrad studies . I think this is highly dependent on the child . I attended public school from elementary through high school , but went to a private college . I hated school , but loved college . My son has attended both public and private schools . I don 't necessarily believe that private schools offer a better education . The only difference is they push harder and move faster because the parents are paying for their kids to attend . I put my son in a private school because the public school we were in was horrible . He wasn 't learning anything . He was bored , unchallenged , plus he needed help fitting in socially and the school district was unwilling to offer him services based on his academics . I thought putting him in a private school would offer him a better education , with smaller class sizes , and I would see some positive benefits . It was the worst decision I ever made . My ten year old nearly had an emotional breakdown by the end of the year due to the massive amounts of work , the emphasis on written work , the fact that he didn 't fit in , and by the end of the year he was so burned out , that I felt guilty for even trying this experiment . We moved to a different school district , and he is back in public school . He is receiving the help he needed socially . The work is still unchallenging for him , most of it is a repeat of what he learned last year , but he does well . I don 't think we need to worry about straight A 's in fifth grade . The school has clubs , and he is in a science club that he really enjoys . It is a much better school than the private school I sent him to last year that cost several thousand dollars . It may not be the BEST public school in my area , in fact it is rated as a failing school , but it is a good fit for my son . Before considering another private school , I 'd have to see some reason why the public school system couldn 't offer the same thing . My experience is that kids who have learning disabilities , ADHD , Asperger 's or other challenges do not do well in private schools . Most private schools look for kids who can do their work without extra motivation , basically , they look for the " good kids . " My son doesn 't fit that profile . He 's better off in a public school that offers him a certain amount of services for his learning disabilities and doesn 't push loads of work on him . In private school we were doing at least two hours of homework a night , and often more like four or five . Now , we seldom do more than two . Usually homework is done in about an hour . The only way I 'd put a child like my son back in a private school is if it was a school specifically for kids with learning difficulties . Otherwise , he can continue to attend the local public school , even if it might not be the best school , until college . Then he can decide if he wants to go to a public or private college . I liked my private college experience , but I did end up paying back a lot of loans . Not that I could afford it anyways - I wouldn 't choose private school for my kidlets if I had the money . My kids need to live in a real world - not a fabricated one of monied isolationists . They need to see other life situations - families not necessarily mirroring their own , how other kids with issues work through them , etc . I think my kids learn a great deal of empathy and support for their peers in the inclusive public school classrooms they are in . For example , my daughter ( soon to be 9 ) takes great pride in helping a learning challenged friend catch up to the lesson when she gets back from speech therapy twice a week . I can see some here would say - its not her responsibility , she should be in an environment where she only has to deal with ehr own needs - but to what end ? Complete self involvement ? It seems we have enough of those types in the world already . I went to both public and private school and in my case I did much better in the private school but I lived in NY city where there are many many different types of private schools , there weren 't choices for public schools other than specialized high schools when I was going to school . I went to a progressive school , which was a great fit for me . It wouldn 't be a great fit for every kid . I do agree that it does depend on the kid , some kids will do well where ever they go and others need a specific kind of environment to thrive . There isn 't an easy answer as I don 't think private school is always the answer especially if there isn 't much variety , yes the academics might be better but the pace , culture etc may not be right for your child or your family . I don 't think there is a right or wrong answer . The only major drawback to public school for me is the standardized testing and not so good teachers and / or schools may focus on " passing " the test as opposed to actually teaching . For me that is a concern . However , magnet or charter schools may not have the same requirement to test every year . Public Schools are at a disadvantage not because of money - Private schools usually make due with less - but because of philosophy . Public Schools emphasis on political correctness , diversity & making sure nothing ' damages ' a child 's self - esteem is misguided & leads to a de - emphasis on things academic . A simple example : whereas in most private schools ( forget uniforms for a minute ) , if a student came in inappropriately dressed , say just wearing a baseball cap , in most cases in public school , teachers wouldn 't even take note . They might even be afraid of a lawsuit . In private school , the student would be told to take it off & put it away . When you think of all the money spent on public education ( and I realize the mantra is give us more , more , more ) and the poorly educated students they turn out , it 's a bit mind - boggling ! Two problems : teachers ' union and bloated administration . Teacher 's unions understandably look out for their own interests , not the students . They wish for and really have no accountability . In most school districts , it 's impossible to fire blatantly incompetent teachers . In NYC , for instance , the really bad ones they segregate to what is commonly referred to as ' rubber rooms ' . There they don 't teach , they don 't do anything except maybe read the newspaper , and there they sit collecting salary , bene 's and finally retirement ! I 've often wondered why there isn 't a Parent 's Union looking out for theirs and their children 's best interest . The PTA doesn 't fulfill that role . And , if you look at where public schools spend their dollars , too little goes to the classroom . Public schools have overdone bureaucracies with layers upon layers of un - needed personnel , paid very well thank you . Private schools are far from perfect . I went to parochial schools through high school , and maybe it was my rebellious spirit , but I thought I had to go to college just to make up for what I missed . For my daughter - 8 years old - we have her in a private school , a very good one . She 's in second grade reading at a 6th grade or 7th grade level . No one bats an eyelash . With Math she 's only a grade ahead . I pay dearly - 10K a year ! And we live in a nice area where the public schools are good . I just figure that we 're ' front - loading ' the process , giving her a real head start and cultivating her love of learning . Maybe that will pay off , literally , when she gets to college age . Maybe ? I think it really depends . I 've been to a mix - - public through 9th grade , private boarding school for the rest of high school , public college , private graduate school . . . and the only place where I really felt that I was * educated * , out of all of them , was the private boarding school . The rest were about the same quality regardless of price , probably at least partially because we lived in a good neighborhood . Great discussion , and I learned a lot . When my parents brought me from China to Hawaii we couldn 't afford a private school , but from the sound of it I probably would not have survived in a private school since I did not know English at that time . In the public school I was able to be excused from English class and go to ESL class and quickly picked up English in about a year . Then in ninth grade I was accepted to a fairly fancy private school on full scholarship , but our family moved from Hawaii to California and I didn 't want to be away from my parents . So they rented an apartment in a good school district so I could attend the school . That seemed to be the most economic choice . Later in my junior year of high school they purchased a home in a town that 's seriously a block away from my high school , but happens to be over the county line and was valued a tens of thousands dollars cheaper than the house next door . My high school had a policy that said if you moved out of the district you can still be a continuing student as long as you maintain a B average . I really loved my high school and I don 't think I would have fit in in that beautiful private school . So I do appreciate going to public schools and never really experienced the other choice . My husband said his parents let him choose his own schools and I think that is what we will let our kids do . If they like the public school they see then that 's great . So why not go there ? I think that 's probably the most FRUGAL option anyway . Get your kids into honors programs and it 'll almost be like they 're in a private school . I went to public school from K - 12 and in college . Today , I 'm a true blue rocket scientist . Tell ME that public education doesn 't work . Go ahead . As long as YOU value education and instill that value in your children , they will get the most out of school that they can . There is a lot there , if you look for it . The teachers aren 't going to stuff knowledge into your head , but they 'll present it so you can take what you want from it . I am really struggling with this decision , but we are planning to send our son to public school . Don 't look at public and private as an either / or option because sometimes there are other options out there . In our school district , we have magnet schools and that is the option we have chosen . Parents are required to volunteer three hours a year ( which I would have done anyway ) and you can get a " private school " education on a public school dollar . I went to both public and private school . Private through 5th grade , and public thereafter . Private schools are better for self - motivated kids that already would excel in school anyways . I found I did better in public school due to diversity , and the fact that the competition was not as fierce for grades ( less stress for me ! ) . My brother , on the other hand , went private schools all the way . It was too stressful for him . He had to repeat the 10th grade . . . twice . Just a thought , but have you considered the impact of an educational environment beyond a child 's school years ? An advantage to at least consider : private schools , even in small towns , teach children to navigate challenging social waters with confidence . They also help students focus on admissions to top colleges where these skills become more valuable . Public school may do the same for many , but I was a shy kid from a working class background who lucked into a ( partial ) scholarship at a small private school school . My prep school tuition and college loans may have been painful at the time , but now I see they bought more than just a top notch education . They effortlessly opened up a social world that made my adult career goals not just possible , but expected . Six degrees of separation shrank to one or two . All thanks to private school . The class sized were extremely small . I had , on average in high school , a 7 or 8 to 1 student - teacher ratio . Imagine trying to daydream or pass notes with only 7 other kids in your class . Not going to happen . We learned how to shut the hell up . The fear of a ruler on the knuckles is enough to make you stay in your seat and pay attention to the lesson . No bullies . Seriously . No lunch money bandits , nobody pushing you around , smacking your books to the ground . Not even any real name calling . The overweight kids got picked last for kickball , but no one ever made fun of them for it . More parental involvement . I 've seen a bunch of studies that show that the more parents are involved in their kid 's education , the better they do . If a parent is dropping between 5 - 25k per year , you better believe they 're going to make sure they 're getting their money 's worth . Everyone else is right : if the kid has some kind of learning or emotional disorder that would require extra help , public schools are probably the way to go . But if the kid is at least an average student and would benefit from tougher academic competition and a stronger sense of community , then you can 't beat a private education , especially in the k - 8 years . We started my son in state preschool and switched to a private school because after being constantly guilted into volunteering in the classroom , I noticed too much regarding the kind of kids my kid was going to school with . I think the day the cop 's kid and the drug dealer 's kid was talking about ' my dad arrested your dad ' with expletives all around I decided you know , let 's make it through second grade before we deal with guns and meth and the F - word used like salt and pepper , shall we ? The switch has been great . There are 10 kids in my sons ' class . The teachers are ex - public school teachers who didn 't want to just record test scores anymore but wanted to actually teach and incorporate the arts . They also flat up don 't tolerate that sort of playground banter and behavioral issues . I went to both and preferred private . My husband did public and has no opinion on it but he too realized we wanted to do a bit of intervention and find a school that reflected our values better . Margaret Garcia - Couoh We started my son in state preschool and switched to a private school because after being constantly guilted into volunteering in the classroom , I noticed too much regarding the kind of kids my kid was going to school with . I think the day the cop 's kid and the drug dealer 's kid was talking about ' my dad arrested your dad ' with expletives all around I decided you know , let 's make it through second grade before we deal with guns and meth and the F - word used like salt and pepper , shall we ? The switch has been great . There are 10 kids in my sons ' class . The teachers are ex - public school teachers who didn 't want to just record test scores anymore but wanted to actually teach and incorporate the arts . They also flat up don 't tolerate that sort of playground banter and behavioral issues . I went to both and preferred private . My husband did public and has no opinion on it but he too realized we wanted to do a bit of intervention and find a school that reflected our values better . Margaret Garcia - Couoh Both of my sons go to a Christian school . My wife runs the kitchen , so we get a break on tuition . As a public high school drop out , I was adamant about putting our boys in private school . My wife on the other hand did fine in public schools . I tended to be lazy , and in public school there wasn 't anyone to push me . I would actually skip school to stay home and read . . . I wish my parents could have afforded private school for me , it took me an extra decade to get to the point in life I would have been if I had graduated . Both of my boys are extremely athletic , and will probably want to go to public high school where they can compete in sports . The only sports their school has is soccer and basketball . I attended private school from preK to 8th grade , then I attended public school for High School . Personally I found private school to be the best education I recieved . During High School I found myself unbelieveably bored and willing to do other student 's homework , which I did on many occassions . I found private school to be wonderful in the education realm but I am glad that I attended public school because of the access to many different social opportunities . The argument about it being dependant on the child is valid , however I am grateful that my mother forced the issue with private school when I was younger and then pursued the idea of public school later on . It was great to see both sides of education and social behavior . My husband and I debate this issue as well for our future children . I personally hope to expose them to both . In regards to " is it worth the money ? " who knows . I know plenty of individuals who attended public school their entire lives and took gifted classes and excelled in High School with Advanced Placement and Independant Study . I also know as many who achieved the same after attending Private School . If anything it could be viewed as an investment . Try it out for a year and if your child doesn 't like it then public school it is . for 8 years , then public work - school type high school ( very unique for its time , junior / senior years , you went year - round , work 2 weeks , school 2 weeks , had to keep high grade average ) , then on to Wright State University in Dayton , OH . You 've really hit a nerve with me with this column . I personally hate the snotty attitude most roman catholics have about their parochial school educations and how they love to badmouth the public schools when in most cases they don 't have a clue what it 's like to leave their little smalltown german / irish catholic neighborhoods their whole lives . I know whereof I speak ; I was catholic for 30 years . Dayton , OH , is a catholic town like many in the U . S . In my 7th and 8th grade years in particular back in the late 60s and early 70s , there were almost no nuns teaching in my parochial school anyway . In my school , they were replaced by an extremely unhappy Latin American guy who hated North Americans , an ex - military officer who 'd wear his uniform daily and was very much out of place , and an unhappy young black woman into black power ( and all white kids sitting in front of her ) . So much for a catholic education . I was only 1 of 8 kids who did not attend the local catholic high school , and I COULD NOT WAIT to be away from the catholic education system and everything to do with it , and I have never regretted it . I seriously , seriously doubt that its system has changed a whit . My niece absolutely hated the abovementioned catholic high school and lasted a month there . Again , the snotty attitudes prevail . Bravo for homeschooling in particular , bravo for alternative schools and for trade - type schools . When I was growing up , kids got sent to private school when they were screwing up academically , and likely to not get into college . It was like the opposite of " dropping out " - like " pulled in " . ( The ones without money just dropped out . ) My family was public school all the way , as were my sibs . I was a slacker and went to Cal like the original poster , and now read blogs at work while I try to code . My brother is now a physicist for UC . My sister is a teacher . On the other hand , I 'm Asian . If I were Latino or Black , I 'd consider private school . The publics seem to allow some minorities to try less hard . . . . are really advantages . For instance , I opposed standardized testing - and I still do , if it 's the only form of evaluation . But because of the testing , our public middle school arranged the schedule so kids would have an extra math or English class each day . And they really focus on giving the kids good study skills as well as good test - taking skills . And having to accomodate all types of kids also worked well for my daughter . It 's called " differentiated learning , " and it means that instead of lecturing at kids you present the material in a variety of different ways . I pulled my younger daughter out of Catholic school in fifth grade , because she wasn 't doing well , and put her in public school . I saw an immediate difference : She was happier and more enthusiastic about learning , and her grades skyrocketed . I kept my older daughter in the parochial school , where the kids sat in their seats all day and listened to the teachers lecture them , often using lesson plans that were older than the students . She hated school , and I hated the huge amounts of homework they loaded on the kids ( so the parents could feel they were getting their money 's worth ) . Not only was the Catholic school academically inferior , it was worse in other ways as well : The teachers yelled at the kids and some were verbally abusive , they played favorites , and bullying was common and often tolerated . I really regret not moving my older daughter to public school earlier . Now she is thriving in a public high school where over 95 percent of the students go on to college , some to very good schools . A lot does depend on the individual schools , but I really think a good public school - not even necessarily a magnet or charter school - has a lot to offer . I 'd check that option out first before shelling out for private school . Save the money for a good college instead . That 's what I 'm doing . As personal background , I went to public school through high school , and now I 'm about to graduate from a private college ( Baylor ) with a chemistry degree . My parents considered putting me in private school about 5th grade - we visited a couple - but I wasn 't really interesteded . All the private school kids I knew were snotty . Which is what I expected when I came to Baylor , but I fell in love with the school , and the people . I had an excellent education , but I was a pretty self motivated kid . I was reading Ten Thousand Leagues under the Sea in 2nd grade . Seriously , it was ridiculous . In high school , I had some classes with 10 , 12 , or even 4 people in them . But I was at the top of my class . Those class sizes were because no one else wanted to take them . . . : ) I find it interesting how many contradictions are in the comments . Some people say that smart , self motivated kids will do just as well in either place , some say those are the ones you want to private school . Some say that the kids who are struggling should be sent to private schools . Some say that kids with learning disabilities need the extra money at public schools , some that they wiill do better in private schools . There are no bullies at private schools , there are more than at public schools . You get the idea . Anyway , I think I 'll send my kids to public schools , unless there are problems there . Or unless they want to go to private school and / or win a scholarship . In Texas , there 's a rule that if you 're in the top 10 % of your high school class , you can go to any state school you want ( and A & M is pretty darn selective , believe it or not ) . Obviously , there 's some controversy over this . . . . My children will consistently have high - quality teachers ( I know not all are amazing , but I think a greater percentage are ) , a challenging curriculum , and a well - maintained campus with well - equipped classrooms and facilities . While I know that they will almost inevitably be exposed to drugs , it is much less likely that they will be exposed to gangs and gang violence ( I live in Los Angeles ) . They will be in an environment where academic achievement is respected and admission to the country 's top colleges for a good portion of each graduating class is expected . A smaller student body will give my children a greater chance to form relationships with friends and faculty and to find a niche they are comfortable in and hopefully a place to excel . I know that I was better off , socially , at my private schools than at my public schools . I attended a private college for undergrad , and a state instution for grad school . I finished school without loans , because I was a scholarship kid . ( I was probably assisted in getting that scholarship by the excellent education I received at my college - prep private high school ) . What you are forgetting is the third choice . Home education . So many people are heading in this direction now . With home school groups in just about every town in America and curriculum aids of all kinds , there really is no better way to go . Home education is the best bang for your buck . The best education without the heavy bill of a private school . Both parents can pitch in their own personal strong points in the education while enjoying the time with their child . No more trying to find time to spend with the child . Living in the right district is no issue or even living close to a private school . The curriculum is soley your choice . The class can be no smaller . And children do not need equipment , they need books and life . And as far as the myth of " what about social life " goes , that is a non - issue . I can tell a home educated child from a mile away by the interaction they are able to have with adults . How many governement - educated children really , and I mean really , have conversations with adults . Shouldn 't that be what you are preparing your children for is life in the adult world . I know many women who go this homeschool route . Some are great - they 've made a choice based on their child 's needs or their religious preferences . Hats off to them who are doing it the right way . You 've never seen a public school kid who can talk to adults ? Really ? My public school educated kid can talk to adults with ease . But she can also talk to children her age . I can tell a home schooled kid a mile away too . They are often routinely the kids who struggle in social settings with peers . I watch them unable to handle our neighborhood swim team b / c they can 't relate to kids in their age group , unable to play structured games in the cul de sac we live on . They have less friends , less of a gasp on modern culture . Maybe you think all of that is wonderful but the real world is made up of lots of kinds of people . If you don 't allow your child safe , healthy expose to the rest of the world , you overload them when they are unleashed on it . Again many parents are doing an excellent but some of them aren 't . Classic example - my friend C barely got through HS and is home schooling her son now . She has no training , doesn 't think she needs any and what she calls an education is basically her normal day . I attended parochial schools K - 12 . In 8th grade at the local Catholic school , I decided not to be confirmed and that I vehemently disagree with much of the religious doctrine . So , I resented attending 4 more years of religion class . I also wished for more fun electives , and begged to go to public school so I could take shop class or auto repair alongside my AP courses . I didn 't realize what a tremendous gift my parents had given me until I went to a public college . I loved the warm and engaging people I met at my university , but was extremely disappointed in the academic level of my peers . I had been writing 6 + page papers as a HS freshman , and up to 20 pages as a senior in AP English . In my college freshman Honors English course , we were challenged to write less than half what I had done in HS . The grammar and diction in the papers I peer - edited were substandard ; I , in turn , gained little from my peer editors . In my non - Honors courses , some of my classmates wrote so poorly that I wondered how they were ever admitted to college ! It was hard to find the push I needed to really develop further in college , when the starting point for the class was much lower than my HS courses were . I know I 'm an academic elitist , and most people would shame me for such behavior . I feel compassion for bright students who care but don 't have access to better teachers . However , it only makes sense to compete with those at or near your own level . Few would fault a pro athlete for declining to play in a pick - up game . ( FWIW , I 'm a crappy athlete ) My husband and I are desperately trying to make the best decision possible for our two children in middle school . We both went to public schools all the way through with with one exception . I attended an all women catholic college for 2 years . Our public education was terrible . Including graduate school and law school , I did my absolute best work ever during the 2 years in private college . Both my children have been in private school all the way through 6th / 7th grade . We tried our local public school for my daughters ' 1st grade and knew it wouldn 't challenge her enough . We have 2 gifted kids , one with a bit of ADD . We have found private school to be worth it for the class size , quality teachers and curriculum up until now . Lately we 've been asking ourselves whether the benefits are worth the lack of economic diversity , ( there is a great amount of racial diversity ) , the 25K ( each ) investment , and the commute . We are also more concerned about the fish in a fish pond problem but we can 't seem to find a lot of data to show whether there is a benefit either way . We know they will need to stand out but it seems like they will need that in private school even more so . If I were in college admissions , I would expect a lot more of a kid with the silver spoon and no real life struggles . But I 'm not sure if this really plays out in reality . And we actually want our kids to struggle and come to appreciate the wide variety of people and life circumstances they will encounter with a public education . We 're just concerned about the actual academic education ! We have been leaning toward public for high school and after reading these comments I am feeling even more confident about public . This is based on the content but surprisingly it 's also because of the quality of writing coming from people advocating public over private . I went to a great public school system and we live now in a great area so we are content with public schools but we have looked around for private ones . However one reason we stay with public schools is the added support for children who learn differently or slower . Our daughter has an IQ on the high side of normal but has a what they call a ' silent learning disability ' because it doesn 't show up on any one testing tool but more of a collectively slow executive processing problems . Which is just gibberish for she 's bright but just needs to go over things more to really learn them and have some extra time in testing to show what she really knows . Private schools can offer small classes but they routinely do not offer extra support in terms of helping kids like mine . In a public school , she gets accommodations and support that have her on the honor roll . We 've looked at private schools and they all are very clear that they keep children on pace more and it is harder for them to fall behind with the extra attention but if it is a learning issue , they are really out of luck . I have to agree with the poster above . I know a few families that homeschool . One is a crazy rightwing witch . Yes , there are plenty of decent Republicans . But this one is one of those nutty racist flat earth types who practically spits with rage whenever she opens her mouth . It would be nice for children to be raised in an environment that 's a little less , uh , angry . It might do her kids good to hear that somebody else could actually feel differently than Mother . I 'm sure the kids look cute arguing for the Gold Standard and the flat tax , but they are like little pissed off robots . Another is a sweet but wifty liberal mom . She would never pressure her precious snowflakes to do anything - - she " unschools " them . The kids are delightful and charming . The teenage boy loves woodworking , which he basically figured out for himself . Reading , however , he has not figured out . At age 15 . He probably has a learning disability . But there was never a reading expert who observed him and helped to correct him at a time of life when his young brain was being formed . But now , it could be too late . And even if it isn 't , there 's nothing going on in that home that would encourage him to take up an activity that requires self - discipline like learning how to read . I am a public school teacher , and I would probably put my kids in private school . I do feel the teachers in public schools are generally better . They are required to complete more education and are provided with ( almost too much ) extra staff development . However , the behavior of the students is horrible . There is a lack of respect for the teachers , the school , and for education in general . And since children are required by law to attend school , there is little that can be done about it . Students are given detentions . They don 't attend . Then they are assigned a Saturday School . They don 't attend . It would be easy to say , well go to the next step and suspend the students , and then if that doesn 't work expel them . But there are so many students that don 't follow the consequences , that it is impossible to do this . As a parent , I would be more worried that my kids are around that kind of attitude so much of the day . Plus , students simply don 't do the work . I will give an assignment and most of the time over half of the class won 't complete it . Forget about homework . It 's impossible to have class discussions about anything because only three or four students will have know what is going on . I give failing grades , but they don 't care . And neither do their parents . I can 't get some of these parents on the phone to save my life ! Or I call to tell them about their child 's failing grade and they say , " Okay , thank you . I will talk to him / her , " but nothing ever changes . When I hear the media talking about our failing schools , I want to scream ! It 's the parents of these kids who are failing . I 'm doing my job as best I can . I can 't physically make a child read or write . Private schools have the option of booting the kids who do nothing . And parents have an extra incentive to make sure their child is doing the work because they are paying for it . I think public schools should fine parents for their children 's poor behavior and lack of effort . Our tax dollars pay for the desk , books , and supplies these student are wasting . Let the parents pay for it if all it is is childcare . Amen , sister ! You really know what is going on ! Parents who sit back and do nothing are the cause of failing public schools . Teachers is public are generally good . They really do care , but you can 't find the overwhelming odds that some kids face at home . You can take the student to the water , but you can 't make them drink . Ok , see your point , but . . . . . since I 've got children ranging from 3 to 24 , I feel like I have some experience in this issue . For Nashville , TN the choice is ambiguous at best . We have some great private schools , and then there are some really bad ones as of late . The graduates of one private school here score poorly compared to public schools in a nearby county . And teaching techniques have evolved greatly in the last 18 years that I have physically participated . Furthermore , some private schools weed out illegal immigrants just because of accessibility alone , so there is less drag on the over all performance of that school . So , bottom line is where do you live ? Sounds like you need to live in a rich area , like Brentwood , and attend public school with every other child ( that can afford to live there . ) I have been solely educated by public schools and I feel that I have a major disadvantage as compared to those who were educated in the private school system . For one , I don 't earn all that much money relative to my great number of years of schooling and there has been no networking for me despite this being the way most jobs are gotten these days . Plus , public schools are just like the public sector - - let 's see how cheaply we can do everything ! If you want a chance at a decent existence and some luxuries in life , go for private schooling . If you want to attend lower class schools without a hint of opulence , no one to network with , and a lower middle class existence , do what I did . Trust me ! Private schools have no accountability for doing the " right " things . When you land in a corrupt private school with the best intentions for your child and find out they will only promote their high donating kiss ass families you will suffer dearly . Your might have top students even in a private environment and your child may still be treated at the lowest levels . Best to take a for sure risk our Public school system . By the way Public schools have much more to offer for a well rounded student anyway . I have been reading the post and find it interesting that security in the public schools were not mentioned . I have a 5 year old that is in private K and will be going to private school in Sept . I live in NJ and the public school i am zoned to is about 100 years old and has below state test scores . I was willing to at least give the school a try and go in and look around since the private school we are sending our daughter to is very expensive 21k . When i walked into the public school at 9 : 00 a young girl about 10 was at the door and told me where the main office was . There were kids sitting on the stairs and walking around the hallways . The main office was cluttered with piles of papers and very disorganized . I walked out and decided right there i was not sending my daughter there . She is very bright and has been reading since 18 months . She needed a school that would challenge her . I am not Catholic , but my husband and I registered her in the local Catholic school just in case she didn 't get into P school . We felt secure leaving her there since the doors are kept locked and the staff is on top of the students . I don 't know if she would have gotten a better education in public or Catholic school but we just learned she was excepted in the private school we wanted . For 21k a year she will get a 7 : 1 teacher ratio , teachers with masters and special certifications in their fields . The school is set up like a college . i had my doubts sending her to such an expensive school , but my peace of mind that she will be in a safe place with kids who are academically on or close to her level is what i needed . Children who are gifted have no resources in the public schools because they usually are only gifted in a few areas and may lag behind in others . They are special needs children too with no place to go , but private school . I don 't know how this will work out , but i feel good that i am giving my daughter the best environment for her learning potential that i can . My husband and i were planning to move , but with the housing maREPLY I went to Catholic / private lower / middle / high school and public college . The difference was mind - blowing for me . I have a son now so I 'm concerned with this debate now more than ever . I just don 't think you can put a price on the networking and exposure aspects that a private school can offer . My wife is a NYC public school teacher and she sees what normally goes on in your run - of - the - mill NYC public school . The very best kids usually end up bored , the struggling kids get left behind , and the middle of the pack kids just get by . One thing that concerns me is the cost . While I find the tuition to be really pricey , what bothers me more is that they just set their prices based upon WHAT ? The fact that rival schools charge that much ? Their operating costs ? Their locations ? Their payroll ? How can every school in Manhattan and Brooklyn be $ 28 , 000 - $ 32 , 000 ? I feel that they just make their costs the same as the other schools , just so they aren 't perceived as being cheap or less prestigious , not because it actually costs that student that much for the education . I went to public school from kindergarten - 7th grade . Then because I had ADHD my parents were able to let me go to private school for free because of a grant . I didn 't like it , but that 's because back then I didn 't like school period and I wasn 't a christian . I did a little more research into the differences between public and private schools and found out some interesting facts . I even taught at a private school once ( it was a baptist one though . . . ) Public schools are terrible because of gangs , drugs , there 's a lot of bad kids that go there and do bad things . I would not want my child growing up to be a hoodlum with a baby at sixteen which is why I would not expose my child to that kind of chaos and depravity . Plus public school classes are much too large and a child can 't get the individual attention that they need . Not in the least way do I take any sort of prejudice against Christians , but I have found that christian private schools aren 't much better than public schools . In a sense it 's as though they " zap " the child 's creativity by binding them to an impossibly strict set of rules . And I think it 's better to not force a religion on a child as they will grow up to dislike it , in most cases . The best schools I have found are non - religious based private schools . They strive for their students to receive the best academic standards , classes are small , they aren 't around so much drugs and violence like the public schools . I am certainly not wealthy , but I believe that private school is worth every penny . After all , we should all strive for better education for ourselves and our children . We tried all three options ; private , public and homeschool . Homeschool wins hands down . Flexible , as expensive or inexpensive as you want it to be , total freedom to pursue different methods and special interests , week long field trips / vacations in the uncrowded seasons , and a great community of like minded people to share expertise and equipment . Read " How to Home School " by Gayle Graham or " The Right Choice " by Chris Klicka before dismissing this as an option . Went to public school in San Francisco from K - 8th grade . The middle school I attended was a JOKE . I started hanging around with the wrong crowd , cutting classes and failing all my classes . My parents didn 't even find out I was cutting classes until half the school year was over . When they found out they enrolled me in a private catholic school , which I attended from 9th to 12th grade . The experience changed my life and I vowed that if I ever had children I would NEVER send them to public school . I agree with comment from the public school teacher that the majority of kids in public school ( especially in urban communities such as SF ) are unruly and disrespectful . I now have 3 children ages 10 to 19 . They are all in private school from the time they were in kinder . Yes , it is expensive , especially in SF , but I consider it an investment in their future . The teahcers from private school don 't take crap from the kids . I agree with another parent who commented that there were no bullies , no fighting , no name calling or teasing . Of course there 's a small number of rebellious students , but they are usually put in their place fast . Disrespect is never tolerated in private school . The consequences for bad behavior or poor academics - you get kicked out . There 's no time for nonsense in private school . Unlike public school , where kids are talking back to teachers or behaving badly . Kids who act up in private school get expelled and get thrown into public school . I disagree with one parent who thinks that private school kids are not living in the " real world " because they are not dealing with real life issues . The high school my kids attend has a 100 hour committment from each student that requires them to do volunteer work directly related to the Sick , aged , homeless and disabled . My oldest son , even after he graduated , volunteers at the homeless shelter and food banks . Public schools don 't have this requirement and alot of kids never even exposed to that experience . I 'm not saying that all public schools are bad , but in SF , the public school system is disappointing . My son 's friend in 8th grade who attended private school and barely passed with a D average - now goes to the local public high school and now takes honors English class . What does that tell you about the school system . I would never trust my kids education to the public school system in SF . My oldest son begged us to send him to public school in 9th grade , we flat out refused and told him it was for his own good and he 'd thank us later . He graduated last year and did thank us for it . He now attended a small private university . I realize I 'm a johnny - come - two - years - late to this discussion , but I think the points raised are even more relevant today than they were two years ago . Interestingly enough , our current economic downturn has made private schools an attractive option for a lot of families . State budget - tightening means that public schools are cutting back even more on what they offer . Too often this results in an increase in class size and reduction of classes , subjects and services . Many parents - who previously may have never even considered private education - are investigating whether private schools could work for their families because they are not willing to compromise their child 's education and future . i 'm looking into boarding schools as a possible last 2 years of high school for me , and most everything i 've read seems to me like its worth it . all my life up to 10th grade i 've been in the public system . . . and sadly im just not challenged . it really bothers me that i have to , im not sure how to say this , uhm , tone down my learing attitude ? well my usual class size can range from 20 - 30 kids per class and im not with equal minded kids who WANT to learn . I 've brought it up to my parents before but they say it isnt worth the cost to them . i have a sizable dowry to pay for my education , but my parents dont want to spend it on boarding school , they say the payoff isnt worth it . the way i see it though is , if i can get financial aid for the boarding school than i should have at least a little left , and with the experience yadda yadda knowledge , etc i expect to get at a boarding school than that should lend me to a better scholarship than if i just went public the whole way and not have too many loans to worry about in the future . . . . at least thats what i hope will happen . i know that simply attending some prestigous school wont gurantee me a free ride , but i think its worth the risk . my parents are , ironically enough , pressuring me to pursue the arts , which doesnt pay very well in my eyes , and i want to be more than just some no name penniless artist working painting to painting . it really is ironic . as a student wanting to attend a private boarding school do you all have any ideas to really getting my parents to understand why i want to do this ? although my older brother got kicked out of a local private school , so they may have more convictions than the average parent . . . . . Wow ! What a great forum ! I think as moms we are constantly searching for the best for our children . A lot of people associate better with money . Unfortunately it is impossible to compare public to private , because there are so many different types of private and public schools . I attended parochial schools from 1st to 12th grade . It was very much a " bubble " , but I 'd say it was a good experience in grammar school , not necessarily in high school though . My father had 8 children , six of whom were girls , so Catholic schools were the only option in his eyes . I will say that we went to the " lower income " catholic school , not the elite schools , so there was never any " holier than though " attitude from students . We were taught social justice and became one big family in grade school . In high school I was envious of a few friends who left the Catholic school to attend charter high schools . There was so much more opportunity at some of the public high schools in the arts , drama , etc . I feel like I missed out on a lot due to lack of programs at my catholic high school . My eldest son is attending his 4th year in public school in the fall . It is so close to home that we walk to school . It is very easy for me to be involved due to proximity . I will say this though , when looking for schools , go backward . Pick the high school first , then find the path to get them there . Sounds odd but I 've slowly discovered this in the past few years . In Australia - private schools are * * * * . I am a boarder as well , so my parents pay like $ 40 , 000 + per year and I am regretting the education here now . I used to enjoy the extra co - curricular , but now as I approach my university - entrance exams , I find private schools much worse academically than the selective schools . If I had to re - do , I would only enter private schools on the basis of scholarships or for other merits than academic . I would also not choose Australia to be a boarder . I 'd probably go to the US or UK . Worse comes to worse , an international school . My background : I went to a Catholic school K - 8 and then a public HS even though I had wanted to go to a Catholic HS . My parents , solidly working class with 5 kids said that they had specifically moved to that neighborhood on Long Island because of the public school system . I got a fantastic education from K - 8 and did they drill us on correct grammar ! I got a wonderful education in HS with many teachers caring about me and my future . Some crucial points though : my HS had only 850 children . I graduated number 10 without much effort , and playing 2 sports a year . Got into an Ivy League college . Now we have four kids , one of whom has ADHD , and we are trying to make the decision about whether or not to invest in private HS for them , which , all in , would cost us close to 200k for all of them . We will certainly have to be very frugal to make this work . Not to mention having very little saved for their college . The public school here is ' good ' but huge with 2000 kids . This concerns me . How could a teacher possibly care about my child and his future ? How could they have the time ? According to my daughter , who attends the public secondary school that feeds into the public HS , there is a lot of disrespect toward teachers , and a lot of teachers who won 't ( can 't ? ) stop such behavior . She says she often does the work on her own because the class is disruptive . She is in honors classes . She often comes home and looks on google to understand an algebra concept and I ask her , " can 't you stay after class and ask the teacher to explain it more ? " and her reply is , " we are not allowed , there is only enough time to get to your next class . " Your husband might be right about some public schools not having labs as nice as those in private schools , but I don 't think that 's true of public schools in Northern Virginia ! Our two children were lucky enough to have excellent teachers and wonderful facilities ( including excellent science labs ) throughout their 13 years of public education . In fact my son had 14 years of public education , because he had a disability that qualified him for special ed preschool . He also had speech therapy , physical therapy or an adapted PE curriculum , and either a classroom aide or a personal assistant from preschool through the middle of tenth grade ! No private school we visited ( and we checked out several ) could offer that level of support . Both of my children also attended public universities - - the University of Virginia in my daughter 's case , the University of Maryland College Park in my son 's . My daughter liked UVA so much that she returned and earned her law degree there ! Neither one of them got " lost in the shuffle . " I am currently a Senior in a Catholic High School . . . but went to public school every year up until 9th grade . In my experience the public schoolwork seemed to be much harder than the catholic / private school . I also only get maybe 15min to about an hour or so MOST nights , while my public school friends end up having maybe one hour to three hours . I felt like my school had much better funding overall for programs , classes , and nearly everything else . My school is fairly big on sports and theatre too , so nearly every area a child would be interested would be covered . My friends who didn 't go to my school often complained about how something wasn 't funded properly , or that the school needed to get something better than whatever it had . While funding and stuff like that kind of made the tuition kind of acceptable for me after 9th grade , what I found the best reason for me to go to Catholic High Schools was the environment ( again , this is specific to my school most likely ) . While in my public school district we did have many talented students , their was a fairly large population of students who seemed like they were in school only because it was required , and didn 't care about anything that had to do with school . They had little to no plans for college , and many sat down to take the SAT ( Public HS was the test center nearest to me and my HS wasn 't one ) but I could see that they didn 't care . Many simply stared out the window . In my Catholic HS , it seemed like the student population was mostly the upper tier athletes , academically gifted students , or great artists and singers . Most of my friends in the football and basketball teams were very smart , and managed to maintain overall averages of over 90 , with at least five of the athletes having maybe 95 + . I say this only because I used to think that athletes were really jocks who weren 't the brightest and got by on their athleticism . Of course not everybody was a shining star , but there must have been a very little amount of students who seemed borderline pass / fail . I would maybe hear mention of a troublesome kid once or twice a year , and everybody was fairly focused on their studies or the programs they were involved in . Guidance counselors were extremely helpful ( In my cousins public HS in NJ , his GC barely helped with the little things , so my GC ended up giving me info I passed on to him ) , colleges were more inclined to come to our school and meet with the students and offer help if we had / have any questions . We had a great library and a whole wired / connected computer system schoolwide ( it sound impressive but some of the features the school had were fairly amazing and extremely useful . . . these were features I knew the public HS didn 't have . ) In the Private school I had a better friends circle I guess , and the fact that classmates weren 't made up of students who seemed like complete idiots kind of brushed off good habits for me . Students worked hard in school , and had priorities in order . Students also seemed much nicer from my perspective , although in public school I never had a problem of not getting along with anyone , but I would see my friends being mean to other kids , or having unofficial gangs in a way . In the Catholic school though even the " gangsters " , jocks , theater , geeks , emo kids were nice to each other . You could walk up to a seemingly stupid football player and have an intelligent conversation , and nerds could talk to the most beautiful girl in school and become friends easily . People weren 't discriminated against and were generally more accepting . In terms of private / public university I don 't know how much it would matter , but I am still appying to colleges ( both public and private ) . I 'm not choosing a college on whether or not it is private or not , but private colleges do seem much more expensive . Public Universities are still great , and in many respects better than private colleges . SUNY and CUNY schools are amazing and incredibly cheap . In California the UC schools like UCLA and the like are amazing as well . I 'm sure others are as well but those were the main colleges I looked into , along with a couple private schools . I know this is an old post but I figured as a current senior college student , I can give my take . It all depends on where you grew up . I grew up in a really small farming community and there was only one high school . The closest private high school was about 30 minutes away and my parents were not going to drive me every morning . My high school was horrible . At the time I didn 't think about it , but it was . The average ACT score was 20 . 6 for my class and I had a 31 . I was so bored at that school , but it did get a little better when I took night classes at the local community college . I am currently going to a private college where the work is really hard ( they are ranked in the top 30 in the USA ) . When I stepped foot into my first chemistry lab , it was like I was in another world ! ! ! I had no idea what was going on . And my first chemistry lab report was one of the hardest assignments of my life . But i was in the minority . I remember asking my roommate if I could see his lab report , and he banged out 9 pages in one day ! I was shocked ! He told me that he already did it in high school and it was very easy for him . I would say about 80 % of students didn 't struggle . Yes , eventually , I caught up to speed but there are just fundamentals that other students knew that I was never taught in high school . I tell my parents to have my younger brother who is currently in high school , to take summer classes at a nearby college . On the other hand , my girlfriend grew up in a big city . She went to a public high school that was ranked in the top ten in the state . Then she moved and her last two years was at a private school . Last summer , I was helping her packed up her stuff when I saw several notebooks . I opened them up and saw all they were chemistry lab notes from her private high school . They were exactly the same format and depth as intro college chemistry ! She told me her teacher in high school used to be a professor and that a lot of the teachers there have masters or phd 's . So if you value your kids education and future , tryREPLY From my experience with switching from public to private to public ( as I attended private only for a few years in high school ) , not all schools are created equal . Not that my local public school was bad ( considering that I lived in Bloomfield Hills , MI . . . a pretty rich area in these parts ) , but the nearby private school I attended was light - years ahead . Heck , I was reading Milton in my Sophomore year in private high school . Is Private better than Public ? Not sure , as those are pretty broad terms . But , Ill tell you . . . nothing beats a top private school education in terms of kicking your a @@ every night , especially if you want your kids to be spending school breaks reading from the likes of Homer , Beckett and Chaucer . Is that type of education right for every student ? Probably not . Will it transform your kid into a successful well - adjusted human being ? Not sure .
|
Home » Career and Income » Education & Training » Are Private Schools Worth the Money They Demand ? Are Private Schools Worth the Money They Demand ? By Xin Lu on 30 January 2008 I admit it , I am a product of public schools from pre - school through college and I am quite proud of it . By going to public schools I helped my parents save a king 's ransom and going to a public college is a big reason why I ended up with no loans and a good amount of savings . I married a man who loved his sixteen plus years of private education but it is hard for me to fathom how much money his parents had to spend over those years . One day we had a discussion about having kids and he said we would have to send them to private school , and I said I did not think it was worth the money because I got an excellent education in public schools . So he argued his case for private schools and I will list some of his points here . Generally families are assigned to public school districts by the location of their home . This creates expensive real estate in the towns that are supposed to have a good public school district . It is probably cheaper to pay for a private school for a few years than to pay for an extremely high mortgage in an expensive area with a good public school . For schools to be accredited they do have to have an approved core curriculum , but private schools can teach additional things like religion or design specialty programs that focus on math and science . Many people choose private schools for religious reasons and it is understandable to choose belief over money . My husband was able to choose a school that focused on engineering and he loved the projects he had in high school . I am not sure that this is true in all cases . I went to a very small public high school and I felt like I had a lot of attention from my teachers , but once I entered UC Berkeley I was a bit overwhelmed by the auditorium sized classes . So I do think that smaller class sizes are better and on average private schools do have smaller classes than public schools . This is probably true for the most part because private schools generally have more funding per student than large public schools . I remember that my science lab in high school was quite dilapidated and consisted of a few tables and sinks . I did tour a private high school once and they had the most beautiful art room and labs and I was awfully jealous . After my husband made his points , I am not totally counting out private schools for my offspring now . The frugal part of me still is not completely convinced that it is worth spending over a hundred thousand dollars for private high schools . When it gets to the college level many state universities can be just as competitive as private institutions . I think ultimately it is up to our future children to excel in their own manner . If they are excellent students they will be able to get scholarships , and if they wanted to they can flourish in a public school . On the other hand , if they do not care about succeeding then it does not matter how much money I spend on them . Wise Bread readers , do you think that private schools give you an edge ? Are they really worth the money if you had to pay full price ? As some background , I attended private parochial schools through eighth grade , a small public high school and a small private college . I think private schools are worthwhile for children . The biggest reason is that no one tends to get " lost in the shuffle . " Public schools have fewer resources , normally , and that lends itself to educating to the middle of the group . Those that lag behind get left and those that excel get bored . Private schools are better able to give individual attention to all levels during the education process . Actually , it is quite false that private schools , on average , spend more per pupil than public schools . However , a large chunk of public school per - pupil spending goes for meeting the needs of special needs students ( disability , ESL students , etc . ) , whom the public schools are legally obligated to accommodate . Another chunk goes toward the necessarily larger administrative overhead ; whether it 's 10 elementary schools or 100 to coordinate , it 's going to cost more . Finally , I believe public school teacher salaries are actually higher on average than private schools . So it 's really an apples - to - oranges comparison . The " all comers " aspect of the public schools makes it difficult to compare outcomes . There couldn 't be a worse selection bias if you tried ! There is evidence , though , that when you control for socioeconomic factors , private school students perform the same or in some cases worse than matched public - school counterparts . That said , the answer to your question is surely " it depends . " On where you live : there are places , for example , with both a reasonable cost of living and very decent public schools . Places where the public schools a mediocre but there aren 't better private alternatives . Places where the motivated parent can get their child into a specialized public education setting for free , such as a magnet or charter school . On your kids : are they academically inclined ? do they have special needs ? what setting are they socially most comfortable in ? I would really like to know where this person has recieved there information from ? I myself went to a Catholic private school up to 10th . grade when my parents swithed me to public school . I was so far ahead when I was in private school I had enough points to graduate in 10th grade public school ? ? Also 70 % was passing in private school verses 60 % passing in public school . Plus I had maybe 1 study hall in private school verses back to back study halls in public school . Plus Home schooled children tend to have HIGHER SAT scores than those in public school . I 'm just talking from first hand knowledge . I live in the Northeast , which should become relevant in a minute . I attended a Catholic grammar school and the local public high school . I think it all depends on the child . In terms of higher education what you need is a big fish in a big pond ( ultimately , if you can get it ) . Colleges and Universities are looking for diversity and those students who stood out among their peers . Now , this can be accomplished in a variety of ways , get them Irish Step Dancing and have them win Worlds , colleges will accept them . But , academically , it 's harder to do . My Catholic school was fine . I did have one amazing teacher in the 7th and 8th grade who made everything related to English a breeze from then on because , if you 'll pardon my French , she kicked our arses and didn 't take any BS and she was a nun . At the time we thought she was Satan in a habit but since I 've learned to appreciate her and would call her one of my best teachers ever . After 8th grade ' graduation ' , many of my classmates went on to all female or all male Catholic high schools , a few to suburban public , and I went to the local , urban , not with the best reputation because I " m a rebel , public high school ( Lawrence High in Lawrence , MA for any of you familiar ) . I came out 3rd in my class ( I " m a total school slacker , I learn and retain easily therefore the effort necessary to make it to Valedictorian would have eaten into my social time , any tips on how to change this with my masters program are totally welcome . ) with the actual highest SAT score in my class ( loads of ESL students ) and was accepted to all colleges applied , with the exception of Bowdoin and Tufts , classmates ranked lower than I but of a more ethnic persuasion were accepted at both . ( Just for the record , that got me into UMass Amherst , Middlebury , Hamilton College , Tulane University , George Washington University and I think American University . ) Some would maybe make an argument that , yeah , I went to a subpar school and stood out , but how did I do in college ? ? Well , I went to Tulane , slacker mentality prevailed and I graduated with a 3 . 3 GPA , BA in Art History and plenty of time on my hands to party hardy at Mardi Gras . Since I 've pretty much slacked around for a while without direction and now I 'm going for my masters in education from UMass Boston and hope to teach in an urban high or middle school . See , the secret is these schools get LOADS of funding and loads of opportunities and my school , at least , was not plagued by the John Hughes syndrome ( nerds , geeks , jocks , slackers ) , we knew we were all sort of underdogs in the eyes of the surrounding community and we bonded together . If you were in more advanced classes than someone else they didn 't label you , they asked for help with their math homework . It was great . Now , Lawrence High had a program were you could spend a semester at Phillips Andover and I took advantage of this . I will admit it was fun to live there , the food was free and plentiful and yummy , and the classes were interesting ( we only took two I think , I took an acting class and Urban Studies which is why we were there , take the poor kids and see how they react , I 'm not kidding ) and we had to keep up with our work at LHS so our teachers came to visit once a week and we had no problems . My point is Andover has a place BUT the vast majority of people I met there and I think you can check this out , ended up at UMass . A large number of Andover grads do NOT end up at Harvard , Yale , Princeton , etc because those schools don 't want them . They want big fish and you 're basically competing with a bunch of people in the same boat as you , at best you 're a fish in a fishpond . And I am not disparaging UMass at all , I almost went there , but who spends $ 20k + on high school for a kid hoping he 'll get into the local , public , state University ? And , after all that , my point is , it 's all dependent on the child . If you have a smart kid who will do well and needs a bit of a challenge , I 'd send them public and not really worry about ' good ' districts . ( the ' good ' district by me has lost all funding for sports , all art and all music , although parents might be able to pay a fee because the override or tax hike or whatever failed . ) You can get an education anywhere and everywhere has good , dedicated teachers to help with this . There are also crap teachers everywhere . If your child needs extra attention or extra motivation , I 'd go private because that 's where they excel and the smaller class sizes would benefit . Students with a tougher time will not slip through the cracks as easily at smaller , private schools . That said , a student , if he or she wants to , can disappear in any setting . Should I have children , I will struggle with this question myself . My main points right now is that I am adamant that they will pay for their own college education ( most of it ) and I will not reinvent their room at home in college by hiring a decorator , etc . I think that 's stupid . Your husband makes some valid points - - and definitely items to consider , such as the cost of buying a home in a great school district vs . paying private school tuition , opportunity for specialized training , etc . Public charter schools and magnet schools can tilt the balance back toward public schools in some systems . There is a new magnet high school in my area offering specialized studies in biotechnology and computer engineering , for example . You may have seen this report on the Nations ( USA ) Schools : basically , kids at private schools do perform better than those at public schools ; but if you adjust for socio - economic factors , they perform about the same ( depending on the grade and type of private school , public schools outperform private schools ) . The message being that you shouldn 't make assumptions about what type of school is better but check out the schools , public and private in your area before making a decision . In my area , parents are often surprised that , when they switch from private to public schools , their children lag in academic performance . So I should mention that I , too , attended public schools from elementary school through college . REPLY One thing to remember here is that the public vs . private debate is not an all or nothing proposal . You don 't have to commit to either 13 years of one or 13 years of the other . I started kindergarten in a public school and stayed there until second grade , when we moved to a city that had bad public education . In fifth grade , we moved again , this time to a wealthy district , but one whose elementary education was only geared for the " lowest common denominator " . By seventh grade , I 'd reentered public education , and stayed there until the end of my undergrad studies . I think this is highly dependent on the child . I attended public school from elementary through high school , but went to a private college . I hated school , but loved college . My son has attended both public and private schools . I don 't necessarily believe that private schools offer a better education . The only difference is they push harder and move faster because the parents are paying for their kids to attend . I put my son in a private school because the public school we were in was horrible . He wasn 't learning anything . He was bored , unchallenged , plus he needed help fitting in socially and the school district was unwilling to offer him services based on his academics . I thought putting him in a private school would offer him a better education , with smaller class sizes , and I would see some positive benefits . It was the worst decision I ever made . My ten year old nearly had an emotional breakdown by the end of the year due to the massive amounts of work , the emphasis on written work , the fact that he didn 't fit in , and by the end of the year he was so burned out , that I felt guilty for even trying this experiment . We moved to a different school district , and he is back in public school . He is receiving the help he needed socially . The work is still unchallenging for him , most of it is a repeat of what he learned last year , but he does well . I don 't think we need to worry about straight A 's in fifth grade . The school has clubs , and he is in a science club that he really enjoys . It is a much better school than the private school I sent him to last year that cost several thousand dollars . It may not be the BEST public school in my area , in fact it is rated as a failing school , but it is a good fit for my son . Before considering another private school , I 'd have to see some reason why the public school system couldn 't offer the same thing . My experience is that kids who have learning disabilities , ADHD , Asperger 's or other challenges do not do well in private schools . Most private schools look for kids who can do their work without extra motivation , basically , they look for the " good kids . " My son doesn 't fit that profile . He 's better off in a public school that offers him a certain amount of services for his learning disabilities and doesn 't push loads of work on him . In private school we were doing at least two hours of homework a night , and often more like four or five . Now , we seldom do more than two . Usually homework is done in about an hour . The only way I 'd put a child like my son back in a private school is if it was a school specifically for kids with learning difficulties . Otherwise , he can continue to attend the local public school , even if it might not be the best school , until college . Then he can decide if he wants to go to a public or private college . I liked my private college experience , but I did end up paying back a lot of loans . Not that I could afford it anyways - I wouldn 't choose private school for my kidlets if I had the money . My kids need to live in a real world - not a fabricated one of monied isolationists . They need to see other life situations - families not necessarily mirroring their own , how other kids with issues work through them , etc . I think my kids learn a great deal of empathy and support for their peers in the inclusive public school classrooms they are in . For example , my daughter ( soon to be 9 ) takes great pride in helping a learning challenged friend catch up to the lesson when she gets back from speech therapy twice a week . I can see some here would say - its not her responsibility , she should be in an environment where she only has to deal with ehr own needs - but to what end ? Complete self involvement ? It seems we have enough of those types in the world already . I went to both public and private school and in my case I did much better in the private school but I lived in NY city where there are many many different types of private schools , there weren 't choices for public schools other than specialized high schools when I was going to school . I went to a progressive school , which was a great fit for me . It wouldn 't be a great fit for every kid . I do agree that it does depend on the kid , some kids will do well where ever they go and others need a specific kind of environment to thrive . There isn 't an easy answer as I don 't think private school is always the answer especially if there isn 't much variety , yes the academics might be better but the pace , culture etc may not be right for your child or your family . I don 't think there is a right or wrong answer . The only major drawback to public school for me is the standardized testing and not so good teachers and / or schools may focus on " passing " the test as opposed to actually teaching . For me that is a concern . However , magnet or charter schools may not have the same requirement to test every year . Public Schools are at a disadvantage not because of money - Private schools usually make due with less - but because of philosophy . Public Schools emphasis on political correctness , diversity & making sure nothing ' damages ' a child 's self - esteem is misguided & leads to a de - emphasis on things academic . A simple example : whereas in most private schools ( forget uniforms for a minute ) , if a student came in inappropriately dressed , say just wearing a baseball cap , in most cases in public school , teachers wouldn 't even take note . They might even be afraid of a lawsuit . In private school , the student would be told to take it off & put it away . When you think of all the money spent on public education ( and I realize the mantra is give us more , more , more ) and the poorly educated students they turn out , it 's a bit mind - boggling ! Two problems : teachers ' union and bloated administration . Teacher 's unions understandably look out for their own interests , not the students . They wish for and really have no accountability . In most school districts , it 's impossible to fire blatantly incompetent teachers . In NYC , for instance , the really bad ones they segregate to what is commonly referred to as ' rubber rooms ' . There they don 't teach , they don 't do anything except maybe read the newspaper , and there they sit collecting salary , bene 's and finally retirement ! I 've often wondered why there isn 't a Parent 's Union looking out for theirs and their children 's best interest . The PTA doesn 't fulfill that role . And , if you look at where public schools spend their dollars , too little goes to the classroom . Public schools have overdone bureaucracies with layers upon layers of un - needed personnel , paid very well thank you . Private schools are far from perfect . I went to parochial schools through high school , and maybe it was my rebellious spirit , but I thought I had to go to college just to make up for what I missed . For my daughter - 8 years old - we have her in a private school , a very good one . She 's in second grade reading at a 6th grade or 7th grade level . No one bats an eyelash . With Math she 's only a grade ahead . I pay dearly - 10K a year ! And we live in a nice area where the public schools are good . I just figure that we 're ' front - loading ' the process , giving her a real head start and cultivating her love of learning . Maybe that will pay off , literally , when she gets to college age . Maybe ? I think it really depends . I 've been to a mix - - public through 9th grade , private boarding school for the rest of high school , public college , private graduate school . . . and the only place where I really felt that I was * educated * , out of all of them , was the private boarding school . The rest were about the same quality regardless of price , probably at least partially because we lived in a good neighborhood . Great discussion , and I learned a lot . When my parents brought me from China to Hawaii we couldn 't afford a private school , but from the sound of it I probably would not have survived in a private school since I did not know English at that time . In the public school I was able to be excused from English class and go to ESL class and quickly picked up English in about a year . Then in ninth grade I was accepted to a fairly fancy private school on full scholarship , but our family moved from Hawaii to California and I didn 't want to be away from my parents . So they rented an apartment in a good school district so I could attend the school . That seemed to be the most economic choice . Later in my junior year of high school they purchased a home in a town that 's seriously a block away from my high school , but happens to be over the county line and was valued a tens of thousands dollars cheaper than the house next door . My high school had a policy that said if you moved out of the district you can still be a continuing student as long as you maintain a B average . I really loved my high school and I don 't think I would have fit in in that beautiful private school . So I do appreciate going to public schools and never really experienced the other choice . My husband said his parents let him choose his own schools and I think that is what we will let our kids do . If they like the public school they see then that 's great . So why not go there ? I think that 's probably the most FRUGAL option anyway . Get your kids into honors programs and it 'll almost be like they 're in a private school . I went to public school from K - 12 and in college . Today , I 'm a true blue rocket scientist . Tell ME that public education doesn 't work . Go ahead . As long as YOU value education and instill that value in your children , they will get the most out of school that they can . There is a lot there , if you look for it . The teachers aren 't going to stuff knowledge into your head , but they 'll present it so you can take what you want from it . I am really struggling with this decision , but we are planning to send our son to public school . Don 't look at public and private as an either / or option because sometimes there are other options out there . In our school district , we have magnet schools and that is the option we have chosen . Parents are required to volunteer three hours a year ( which I would have done anyway ) and you can get a " private school " education on a public school dollar . I went to both public and private school . Private through 5th grade , and public thereafter . Private schools are better for self - motivated kids that already would excel in school anyways . I found I did better in public school due to diversity , and the fact that the competition was not as fierce for grades ( less stress for me ! ) . My brother , on the other hand , went private schools all the way . It was too stressful for him . He had to repeat the 10th grade . . . twice . Just a thought , but have you considered the impact of an educational environment beyond a child 's school years ? An advantage to at least consider : private schools , even in small towns , teach children to navigate challenging social waters with confidence . They also help students focus on admissions to top colleges where these skills become more valuable . Public school may do the same for many , but I was a shy kid from a working class background who lucked into a ( partial ) scholarship at a small private school school . My prep school tuition and college loans may have been painful at the time , but now I see they bought more than just a top notch education . They effortlessly opened up a social world that made my adult career goals not just possible , but expected . Six degrees of separation shrank to one or two . All thanks to private school . The class sized were extremely small . I had , on average in high school , a 7 or 8 to 1 student - teacher ratio . Imagine trying to daydream or pass notes with only 7 other kids in your class . Not going to happen . We learned how to shut the hell up . The fear of a ruler on the knuckles is enough to make you stay in your seat and pay attention to the lesson . No bullies . Seriously . No lunch money bandits , nobody pushing you around , smacking your books to the ground . Not even any real name calling . The overweight kids got picked last for kickball , but no one ever made fun of them for it . More parental involvement . I 've seen a bunch of studies that show that the more parents are involved in their kid 's education , the better they do . If a parent is dropping between 5 - 25k per year , you better believe they 're going to make sure they 're getting their money 's worth . Everyone else is right : if the kid has some kind of learning or emotional disorder that would require extra help , public schools are probably the way to go . But if the kid is at least an average student and would benefit from tougher academic competition and a stronger sense of community , then you can 't beat a private education , especially in the k - 8 years . We started my son in state preschool and switched to a private school because after being constantly guilted into volunteering in the classroom , I noticed too much regarding the kind of kids my kid was going to school with . I think the day the cop 's kid and the drug dealer 's kid was talking about ' my dad arrested your dad ' with expletives all around I decided you know , let 's make it through second grade before we deal with guns and meth and the F - word used like salt and pepper , shall we ? The switch has been great . There are 10 kids in my sons ' class . The teachers are ex - public school teachers who didn 't want to just record test scores anymore but wanted to actually teach and incorporate the arts . They also flat up don 't tolerate that sort of playground banter and behavioral issues . I went to both and preferred private . My husband did public and has no opinion on it but he too realized we wanted to do a bit of intervention and find a school that reflected our values better . Margaret Garcia - Couoh We started my son in state preschool and switched to a private school because after being constantly guilted into volunteering in the classroom , I noticed too much regarding the kind of kids my kid was going to school with . I think the day the cop 's kid and the drug dealer 's kid was talking about ' my dad arrested your dad ' with expletives all around I decided you know , let 's make it through second grade before we deal with guns and meth and the F - word used like salt and pepper , shall we ? The switch has been great . There are 10 kids in my sons ' class . The teachers are ex - public school teachers who didn 't want to just record test scores anymore but wanted to actually teach and incorporate the arts . They also flat up don 't tolerate that sort of playground banter and behavioral issues . I went to both and preferred private . My husband did public and has no opinion on it but he too realized we wanted to do a bit of intervention and find a school that reflected our values better . Margaret Garcia - Couoh Both of my sons go to a Christian school . My wife runs the kitchen , so we get a break on tuition . As a public high school drop out , I was adamant about putting our boys in private school . My wife on the other hand did fine in public schools . I tended to be lazy , and in public school there wasn 't anyone to push me . I would actually skip school to stay home and read . . . I wish my parents could have afforded private school for me , it took me an extra decade to get to the point in life I would have been if I had graduated . Both of my boys are extremely athletic , and will probably want to go to public high school where they can compete in sports . The only sports their school has is soccer and basketball . I attended private school from preK to 8th grade , then I attended public school for High School . Personally I found private school to be the best education I recieved . During High School I found myself unbelieveably bored and willing to do other student 's homework , which I did on many occassions . I found private school to be wonderful in the education realm but I am glad that I attended public school because of the access to many different social opportunities . The argument about it being dependant on the child is valid , however I am grateful that my mother forced the issue with private school when I was younger and then pursued the idea of public school later on . It was great to see both sides of education and social behavior . My husband and I debate this issue as well for our future children . I personally hope to expose them to both . In regards to " is it worth the money ? " who knows . I know plenty of individuals who attended public school their entire lives and took gifted classes and excelled in High School with Advanced Placement and Independant Study . I also know as many who achieved the same after attending Private School . If anything it could be viewed as an investment . Try it out for a year and if your child doesn 't like it then public school it is . for 8 years , then public work - school type high school ( very unique for its time , junior / senior years , you went year - round , work 2 weeks , school 2 weeks , had to keep high grade average ) , then on to Wright State University in Dayton , OH . You 've really hit a nerve with me with this column . I personally hate the snotty attitude most roman catholics have about their parochial school educations and how they love to badmouth the public schools when in most cases they don 't have a clue what it 's like to leave their little smalltown german / irish catholic neighborhoods their whole lives . I know whereof I speak ; I was catholic for 30 years . Dayton , OH , is a catholic town like many in the U . S . In my 7th and 8th grade years in particular back in the late 60s and early 70s , there were almost no nuns teaching in my parochial school anyway . In my school , they were replaced by an extremely unhappy Latin American guy who hated North Americans , an ex - military officer who 'd wear his uniform daily and was very much out of place , and an unhappy young black woman into black power ( and all white kids sitting in front of her ) . So much for a catholic education . I was only 1 of 8 kids who did not attend the local catholic high school , and I COULD NOT WAIT to be away from the catholic education system and everything to do with it , and I have never regretted it . I seriously , seriously doubt that its system has changed a whit . My niece absolutely hated the abovementioned catholic high school and lasted a month there . Again , the snotty attitudes prevail . Bravo for homeschooling in particular , bravo for alternative schools and for trade - type schools . When I was growing up , kids got sent to private school when they were screwing up academically , and likely to not get into college . It was like the opposite of " dropping out " - like " pulled in " . ( The ones without money just dropped out . ) My family was public school all the way , as were my sibs . I was a slacker and went to Cal like the original poster , and now read blogs at work while I try to code . My brother is now a physicist for UC . My sister is a teacher . On the other hand , I 'm Asian . If I were Latino or Black , I 'd consider private school . The publics seem to allow some minorities to try less hard . . . . are really advantages . For instance , I opposed standardized testing - and I still do , if it 's the only form of evaluation . But because of the testing , our public middle school arranged the schedule so kids would have an extra math or English class each day . And they really focus on giving the kids good study skills as well as good test - taking skills . And having to accomodate all types of kids also worked well for my daughter . It 's called " differentiated learning , " and it means that instead of lecturing at kids you present the material in a variety of different ways . I pulled my younger daughter out of Catholic school in fifth grade , because she wasn 't doing well , and put her in public school . I saw an immediate difference : She was happier and more enthusiastic about learning , and her grades skyrocketed . I kept my older daughter in the parochial school , where the kids sat in their seats all day and listened to the teachers lecture them , often using lesson plans that were older than the students . She hated school , and I hated the huge amounts of homework they loaded on the kids ( so the parents could feel they were getting their money 's worth ) . Not only was the Catholic school academically inferior , it was worse in other ways as well : The teachers yelled at the kids and some were verbally abusive , they played favorites , and bullying was common and often tolerated . I really regret not moving my older daughter to public school earlier . Now she is thriving in a public high school where over 95 percent of the students go on to college , some to very good schools . A lot does depend on the individual schools , but I really think a good public school - not even necessarily a magnet or charter school - has a lot to offer . I 'd check that option out first before shelling out for private school . Save the money for a good college instead . That 's what I 'm doing . As personal background , I went to public school through high school , and now I 'm about to graduate from a private college ( Baylor ) with a chemistry degree . My parents considered putting me in private school about 5th grade - we visited a couple - but I wasn 't really interesteded . All the private school kids I knew were snotty . Which is what I expected when I came to Baylor , but I fell in love with the school , and the people . I had an excellent education , but I was a pretty self motivated kid . I was reading Ten Thousand Leagues under the Sea in 2nd grade . Seriously , it was ridiculous . In high school , I had some classes with 10 , 12 , or even 4 people in them . But I was at the top of my class . Those class sizes were because no one else wanted to take them . . . : ) I find it interesting how many contradictions are in the comments . Some people say that smart , self motivated kids will do just as well in either place , some say those are the ones you want to private school . Some say that the kids who are struggling should be sent to private schools . Some say that kids with learning disabilities need the extra money at public schools , some that they wiill do better in private schools . There are no bullies at private schools , there are more than at public schools . You get the idea . Anyway , I think I 'll send my kids to public schools , unless there are problems there . Or unless they want to go to private school and / or win a scholarship . In Texas , there 's a rule that if you 're in the top 10 % of your high school class , you can go to any state school you want ( and A & M is pretty darn selective , believe it or not ) . Obviously , there 's some controversy over this . . . . My children will consistently have high - quality teachers ( I know not all are amazing , but I think a greater percentage are ) , a challenging curriculum , and a well - maintained campus with well - equipped classrooms and facilities . While I know that they will almost inevitably be exposed to drugs , it is much less likely that they will be exposed to gangs and gang violence ( I live in Los Angeles ) . They will be in an environment where academic achievement is respected and admission to the country 's top colleges for a good portion of each graduating class is expected . A smaller student body will give my children a greater chance to form relationships with friends and faculty and to find a niche they are comfortable in and hopefully a place to excel . I know that I was better off , socially , at my private schools than at my public schools . I attended a private college for undergrad , and a state instution for grad school . I finished school without loans , because I was a scholarship kid . ( I was probably assisted in getting that scholarship by the excellent education I received at my college - prep private high school ) . What you are forgetting is the third choice . Home education . So many people are heading in this direction now . With home school groups in just about every town in America and curriculum aids of all kinds , there really is no better way to go . Home education is the best bang for your buck . The best education without the heavy bill of a private school . Both parents can pitch in their own personal strong points in the education while enjoying the time with their child . No more trying to find time to spend with the child . Living in the right district is no issue or even living close to a private school . The curriculum is soley your choice . The class can be no smaller . And children do not need equipment , they need books and life . And as far as the myth of " what about social life " goes , that is a non - issue . I can tell a home educated child from a mile away by the interaction they are able to have with adults . How many governement - educated children really , and I mean really , have conversations with adults . Shouldn 't that be what you are preparing your children for is life in the adult world . I know many women who go this homeschool route . Some are great - they 've made a choice based on their child 's needs or their religious preferences . Hats off to them who are doing it the right way . You 've never seen a public school kid who can talk to adults ? Really ? My public school educated kid can talk to adults with ease . But she can also talk to children her age . I can tell a home schooled kid a mile away too . They are often routinely the kids who struggle in social settings with peers . I watch them unable to handle our neighborhood swim team b / c they can 't relate to kids in their age group , unable to play structured games in the cul de sac we live on . They have less friends , less of a gasp on modern culture . Maybe you think all of that is wonderful but the real world is made up of lots of kinds of people . If you don 't allow your child safe , healthy expose to the rest of the world , you overload them when they are unleashed on it . Again many parents are doing an excellent but some of them aren 't . Classic example - my friend C barely got through HS and is home schooling her son now . She has no training , doesn 't think she needs any and what she calls an education is basically her normal day . I attended parochial schools K - 12 . In 8th grade at the local Catholic school , I decided not to be confirmed and that I vehemently disagree with much of the religious doctrine . So , I resented attending 4 more years of religion class . I also wished for more fun electives , and begged to go to public school so I could take shop class or auto repair alongside my AP courses . I didn 't realize what a tremendous gift my parents had given me until I went to a public college . I loved the warm and engaging people I met at my university , but was extremely disappointed in the academic level of my peers . I had been writing 6 + page papers as a HS freshman , and up to 20 pages as a senior in AP English . In my college freshman Honors English course , we were challenged to write less than half what I had done in HS . The grammar and diction in the papers I peer - edited were substandard ; I , in turn , gained little from my peer editors . In my non - Honors courses , some of my classmates wrote so poorly that I wondered how they were ever admitted to college ! It was hard to find the push I needed to really develop further in college , when the starting point for the class was much lower than my HS courses were . I know I 'm an academic elitist , and most people would shame me for such behavior . I feel compassion for bright students who care but don 't have access to better teachers . However , it only makes sense to compete with those at or near your own level . Few would fault a pro athlete for declining to play in a pick - up game . ( FWIW , I 'm a crappy athlete ) My husband and I are desperately trying to make the best decision possible for our two children in middle school . We both went to public schools all the way through with with one exception . I attended an all women catholic college for 2 years . Our public education was terrible . Including graduate school and law school , I did my absolute best work ever during the 2 years in private college . Both my children have been in private school all the way through 6th / 7th grade . We tried our local public school for my daughters ' 1st grade and knew it wouldn 't challenge her enough . We have 2 gifted kids , one with a bit of ADD . We have found private school to be worth it for the class size , quality teachers and curriculum up until now . Lately we 've been asking ourselves whether the benefits are worth the lack of economic diversity , ( there is a great amount of racial diversity ) , the 25K ( each ) investment , and the commute . We are also more concerned about the fish in a fish pond problem but we can 't seem to find a lot of data to show whether there is a benefit either way . We know they will need to stand out but it seems like they will need that in private school even more so . If I were in college admissions , I would expect a lot more of a kid with the silver spoon and no real life struggles . But I 'm not sure if this really plays out in reality . And we actually want our kids to struggle and come to appreciate the wide variety of people and life circumstances they will encounter with a public education . We 're just concerned about the actual academic education ! We have been leaning toward public for high school and after reading these comments I am feeling even more confident about public . This is based on the content but surprisingly it 's also because of the quality of writing coming from people advocating public over private . I went to a great public school system and we live now in a great area so we are content with public schools but we have looked around for private ones . However one reason we stay with public schools is the added support for children who learn differently or slower . Our daughter has an IQ on the high side of normal but has a what they call a ' silent learning disability ' because it doesn 't show up on any one testing tool but more of a collectively slow executive processing problems . Which is just gibberish for she 's bright but just needs to go over things more to really learn them and have some extra time in testing to show what she really knows . Private schools can offer small classes but they routinely do not offer extra support in terms of helping kids like mine . In a public school , she gets accommodations and support that have her on the honor roll . We 've looked at private schools and they all are very clear that they keep children on pace more and it is harder for them to fall behind with the extra attention but if it is a learning issue , they are really out of luck . I have to agree with the poster above . I know a few families that homeschool . One is a crazy rightwing witch . Yes , there are plenty of decent Republicans . But this one is one of those nutty racist flat earth types who practically spits with rage whenever she opens her mouth . It would be nice for children to be raised in an environment that 's a little less , uh , angry . It might do her kids good to hear that somebody else could actually feel differently than Mother . I 'm sure the kids look cute arguing for the Gold Standard and the flat tax , but they are like little pissed off robots . Another is a sweet but wifty liberal mom . She would never pressure her precious snowflakes to do anything - - she " unschools " them . The kids are delightful and charming . The teenage boy loves woodworking , which he basically figured out for himself . Reading , however , he has not figured out . At age 15 . He probably has a learning disability . But there was never a reading expert who observed him and helped to correct him at a time of life when his young brain was being formed . But now , it could be too late . And even if it isn 't , there 's nothing going on in that home that would encourage him to take up an activity that requires self - discipline like learning how to read . I am a public school teacher , and I would probably put my kids in private school . I do feel the teachers in public schools are generally better . They are required to complete more education and are provided with ( almost too much ) extra staff development . However , the behavior of the students is horrible . There is a lack of respect for the teachers , the school , and for education in general . And since children are required by law to attend school , there is little that can be done about it . Students are given detentions . They don 't attend . Then they are assigned a Saturday School . They don 't attend . It would be easy to say , well go to the next step and suspend the students , and then if that doesn 't work expel them . But there are so many students that don 't follow the consequences , that it is impossible to do this . As a parent , I would be more worried that my kids are around that kind of attitude so much of the day . Plus , students simply don 't do the work . I will give an assignment and most of the time over half of the class won 't complete it . Forget about homework . It 's impossible to have class discussions about anything because only three or four students will have know what is going on . I give failing grades , but they don 't care . And neither do their parents . I can 't get some of these parents on the phone to save my life ! Or I call to tell them about their child 's failing grade and they say , " Okay , thank you . I will talk to him / her , " but nothing ever changes . When I hear the media talking about our failing schools , I want to scream ! It 's the parents of these kids who are failing . I 'm doing my job as best I can . I can 't physically make a child read or write . Private schools have the option of booting the kids who do nothing . And parents have an extra incentive to make sure their child is doing the work because they are paying for it . I think public schools should fine parents for their children 's poor behavior and lack of effort . Our tax dollars pay for the desk , books , and supplies these student are wasting . Let the parents pay for it if all it is is childcare . Amen , sister ! You really know what is going on ! Parents who sit back and do nothing are the cause of failing public schools . Teachers is public are generally good . They really do care , but you can 't find the overwhelming odds that some kids face at home . You can take the student to the water , but you can 't make them drink . Ok , see your point , but . . . . . since I 've got children ranging from 3 to 24 , I feel like I have some experience in this issue . For Nashville , TN the choice is ambiguous at best . We have some great private schools , and then there are some really bad ones as of late . The graduates of one private school here score poorly compared to public schools in a nearby county . And teaching techniques have evolved greatly in the last 18 years that I have physically participated . Furthermore , some private schools weed out illegal immigrants just because of accessibility alone , so there is less drag on the over all performance of that school . So , bottom line is where do you live ? Sounds like you need to live in a rich area , like Brentwood , and attend public school with every other child ( that can afford to live there . ) I have been solely educated by public schools and I feel that I have a major disadvantage as compared to those who were educated in the private school system . For one , I don 't earn all that much money relative to my great number of years of schooling and there has been no networking for me despite this being the way most jobs are gotten these days . Plus , public schools are just like the public sector - - let 's see how cheaply we can do everything ! If you want a chance at a decent existence and some luxuries in life , go for private schooling . If you want to attend lower class schools without a hint of opulence , no one to network with , and a lower middle class existence , do what I did . Trust me ! Private schools have no accountability for doing the " right " things . When you land in a corrupt private school with the best intentions for your child and find out they will only promote their high donating kiss ass families you will suffer dearly . Your might have top students even in a private environment and your child may still be treated at the lowest levels . Best to take a for sure risk our Public school system . By the way Public schools have much more to offer for a well rounded student anyway . I have been reading the post and find it interesting that security in the public schools were not mentioned . I have a 5 year old that is in private K and will be going to private school in Sept . I live in NJ and the public school i am zoned to is about 100 years old and has below state test scores . I was willing to at least give the school a try and go in and look around since the private school we are sending our daughter to is very expensive 21k . When i walked into the public school at 9 : 00 a young girl about 10 was at the door and told me where the main office was . There were kids sitting on the stairs and walking around the hallways . The main office was cluttered with piles of papers and very disorganized . I walked out and decided right there i was not sending my daughter there . She is very bright and has been reading since 18 months . She needed a school that would challenge her . I am not Catholic , but my husband and I registered her in the local Catholic school just in case she didn 't get into P school . We felt secure leaving her there since the doors are kept locked and the staff is on top of the students . I don 't know if she would have gotten a better education in public or Catholic school but we just learned she was excepted in the private school we wanted . For 21k a year she will get a 7 : 1 teacher ratio , teachers with masters and special certifications in their fields . The school is set up like a college . i had my doubts sending her to such an expensive school , but my peace of mind that she will be in a safe place with kids who are academically on or close to her level is what i needed . Children who are gifted have no resources in the public schools because they usually are only gifted in a few areas and may lag behind in others . They are special needs children too with no place to go , but private school . I don 't know how this will work out , but i feel good that i am giving my daughter the best environment for her learning potential that i can . My husband and i were planning to move , but with the housing maREPLY I went to Catholic / private lower / middle / high school and public college . The difference was mind - blowing for me . I have a son now so I 'm concerned with this debate now more than ever . I just don 't think you can put a price on the networking and exposure aspects that a private school can offer . My wife is a NYC public school teacher and she sees what normally goes on in your run - of - the - mill NYC public school . The very best kids usually end up bored , the struggling kids get left behind , and the middle of the pack kids just get by . One thing that concerns me is the cost . While I find the tuition to be really pricey , what bothers me more is that they just set their prices based upon WHAT ? The fact that rival schools charge that much ? Their operating costs ? Their locations ? Their payroll ? How can every school in Manhattan and Brooklyn be $ 28 , 000 - $ 32 , 000 ? I feel that they just make their costs the same as the other schools , just so they aren 't perceived as being cheap or less prestigious , not because it actually costs that student that much for the education . I went to public school from kindergarten - 7th grade . Then because I had ADHD my parents were able to let me go to private school for free because of a grant . I didn 't like it , but that 's because back then I didn 't like school period and I wasn 't a christian . I did a little more research into the differences between public and private schools and found out some interesting facts . I even taught at a private school once ( it was a baptist one though . . . ) Public schools are terrible because of gangs , drugs , there 's a lot of bad kids that go there and do bad things . I would not want my child growing up to be a hoodlum with a baby at sixteen which is why I would not expose my child to that kind of chaos and depravity . Plus public school classes are much too large and a child can 't get the individual attention that they need . Not in the least way do I take any sort of prejudice against Christians , but I have found that christian private schools aren 't much better than public schools . In a sense it 's as though they " zap " the child 's creativity by binding them to an impossibly strict set of rules . And I think it 's better to not force a religion on a child as they will grow up to dislike it , in most cases . The best schools I have found are non - religious based private schools . They strive for their students to receive the best academic standards , classes are small , they aren 't around so much drugs and violence like the public schools . I am certainly not wealthy , but I believe that private school is worth every penny . After all , we should all strive for better education for ourselves and our children . We tried all three options ; private , public and homeschool . Homeschool wins hands down . Flexible , as expensive or inexpensive as you want it to be , total freedom to pursue different methods and special interests , week long field trips / vacations in the uncrowded seasons , and a great community of like minded people to share expertise and equipment . Read " How to Home School " by Gayle Graham or " The Right Choice " by Chris Klicka before dismissing this as an option . Went to public school in San Francisco from K - 8th grade . The middle school I attended was a JOKE . I started hanging around with the wrong crowd , cutting classes and failing all my classes . My parents didn 't even find out I was cutting classes until half the school year was over . When they found out they enrolled me in a private catholic school , which I attended from 9th to 12th grade . The experience changed my life and I vowed that if I ever had children I would NEVER send them to public school . I agree with comment from the public school teacher that the majority of kids in public school ( especially in urban communities such as SF ) are unruly and disrespectful . I now have 3 children ages 10 to 19 . They are all in private school from the time they were in kinder . Yes , it is expensive , especially in SF , but I consider it an investment in their future . The teahcers from private school don 't take crap from the kids . I agree with another parent who commented that there were no bullies , no fighting , no name calling or teasing . Of course there 's a small number of rebellious students , but they are usually put in their place fast . Disrespect is never tolerated in private school . The consequences for bad behavior or poor academics - you get kicked out . There 's no time for nonsense in private school . Unlike public school , where kids are talking back to teachers or behaving badly . Kids who act up in private school get expelled and get thrown into public school . I disagree with one parent who thinks that private school kids are not living in the " real world " because they are not dealing with real life issues . The high school my kids attend has a 100 hour committment from each student that requires them to do volunteer work directly related to the Sick , aged , homeless and disabled . My oldest son , even after he graduated , volunteers at the homeless shelter and food banks . Public schools don 't have this requirement and alot of kids never even exposed to that experience . I 'm not saying that all public schools are bad , but in SF , the public school system is disappointing . My son 's friend in 8th grade who attended private school and barely passed with a D average - now goes to the local public high school and now takes honors English class . What does that tell you about the school system . I would never trust my kids education to the public school system in SF . My oldest son begged us to send him to public school in 9th grade , we flat out refused and told him it was for his own good and he 'd thank us later . He graduated last year and did thank us for it . He now attended a small private university . I realize I 'm a johnny - come - two - years - late to this discussion , but I think the points raised are even more relevant today than they were two years ago . Interestingly enough , our current economic downturn has made private schools an attractive option for a lot of families . State budget - tightening means that public schools are cutting back even more on what they offer . Too often this results in an increase in class size and reduction of classes , subjects and services . Many parents - who previously may have never even considered private education - are investigating whether private schools could work for their families because they are not willing to compromise their child 's education and future . i 'm looking into boarding schools as a possible last 2 years of high school for me , and most everything i 've read seems to me like its worth it . all my life up to 10th grade i 've been in the public system . . . and sadly im just not challenged . it really bothers me that i have to , im not sure how to say this , uhm , tone down my learing attitude ? well my usual class size can range from 20 - 30 kids per class and im not with equal minded kids who WANT to learn . I 've brought it up to my parents before but they say it isnt worth the cost to them . i have a sizable dowry to pay for my education , but my parents dont want to spend it on boarding school , they say the payoff isnt worth it . the way i see it though is , if i can get financial aid for the boarding school than i should have at least a little left , and with the experience yadda yadda knowledge , etc i expect to get at a boarding school than that should lend me to a better scholarship than if i just went public the whole way and not have too many loans to worry about in the future . . . . at least thats what i hope will happen . i know that simply attending some prestigous school wont gurantee me a free ride , but i think its worth the risk . my parents are , ironically enough , pressuring me to pursue the arts , which doesnt pay very well in my eyes , and i want to be more than just some no name penniless artist working painting to painting . it really is ironic . as a student wanting to attend a private boarding school do you all have any ideas to really getting my parents to understand why i want to do this ? although my older brother got kicked out of a local private school , so they may have more convictions than the average parent . . . . . Wow ! What a great forum ! I think as moms we are constantly searching for the best for our children . A lot of people associate better with money . Unfortunately it is impossible to compare public to private , because there are so many different types of private and public schools . I attended parochial schools from 1st to 12th grade . It was very much a " bubble " , but I 'd say it was a good experience in grammar school , not necessarily in high school though . My father had 8 children , six of whom were girls , so Catholic schools were the only option in his eyes . I will say that we went to the " lower income " catholic school , not the elite schools , so there was never any " holier than though " attitude from students . We were taught social justice and became one big family in grade school . In high school I was envious of a few friends who left the Catholic school to attend charter high schools . There was so much more opportunity at some of the public high schools in the arts , drama , etc . I feel like I missed out on a lot due to lack of programs at my catholic high school . My eldest son is attending his 4th year in public school in the fall . It is so close to home that we walk to school . It is very easy for me to be involved due to proximity . I will say this though , when looking for schools , go backward . Pick the high school first , then find the path to get them there . Sounds odd but I 've slowly discovered this in the past few years . In Australia - private schools are * * * * . I am a boarder as well , so my parents pay like $ 40 , 000 + per year and I am regretting the education here now . I used to enjoy the extra co - curricular , but now as I approach my university - entrance exams , I find private schools much worse academically than the selective schools . If I had to re - do , I would only enter private schools on the basis of scholarships or for other merits than academic . I would also not choose Australia to be a boarder . I 'd probably go to the US or UK . Worse comes to worse , an international school . My background : I went to a Catholic school K - 8 and then a public HS even though I had wanted to go to a Catholic HS . My parents , solidly working class with 5 kids said that they had specifically moved to that neighborhood on Long Island because of the public school system . I got a fantastic education from K - 8 and did they drill us on correct grammar ! I got a wonderful education in HS with many teachers caring about me and my future . Some crucial points though : my HS had only 850 children . I graduated number 10 without much effort , and playing 2 sports a year . Got into an Ivy League college . Now we have four kids , one of whom has ADHD , and we are trying to make the decision about whether or not to invest in private HS for them , which , all in , would cost us close to 200k for all of them . We will certainly have to be very frugal to make this work . Not to mention having very little saved for their college . The public school here is ' good ' but huge with 2000 kids . This concerns me . How could a teacher possibly care about my child and his future ? How could they have the time ? According to my daughter , who attends the public secondary school that feeds into the public HS , there is a lot of disrespect toward teachers , and a lot of teachers who won 't ( can 't ? ) stop such behavior . She says she often does the work on her own because the class is disruptive . She is in honors classes . She often comes home and looks on google to understand an algebra concept and I ask her , " can 't you stay after class and ask the teacher to explain it more ? " and her reply is , " we are not allowed , there is only enough time to get to your next class . " Your husband might be right about some public schools not having labs as nice as those in private schools , but I don 't think that 's true of public schools in Northern Virginia ! Our two children were lucky enough to have excellent teachers and wonderful facilities ( including excellent science labs ) throughout their 13 years of public education . In fact my son had 14 years of public education , because he had a disability that qualified him for special ed preschool . He also had speech therapy , physical therapy or an adapted PE curriculum , and either a classroom aide or a personal assistant from preschool through the middle of tenth grade ! No private school we visited ( and we checked out several ) could offer that level of support . Both of my children also attended public universities - - the University of Virginia in my daughter 's case , the University of Maryland College Park in my son 's . My daughter liked UVA so much that she returned and earned her law degree there ! Neither one of them got " lost in the shuffle . " I am currently a Senior in a Catholic High School . . . but went to public school every year up until 9th grade . In my experience the public schoolwork seemed to be much harder than the catholic / private school . I also only get maybe 15min to about an hour or so MOST nights , while my public school friends end up having maybe one hour to three hours . I felt like my school had much better funding overall for programs , classes , and nearly everything else . My school is fairly big on sports and theatre too , so nearly every area a child would be interested would be covered . My friends who didn 't go to my school often complained about how something wasn 't funded properly , or that the school needed to get something better than whatever it had . While funding and stuff like that kind of made the tuition kind of acceptable for me after 9th grade , what I found the best reason for me to go to Catholic High Schools was the environment ( again , this is specific to my school most likely ) . While in my public school district we did have many talented students , their was a fairly large population of students who seemed like they were in school only because it was required , and didn 't care about anything that had to do with school . They had little to no plans for college , and many sat down to take the SAT ( Public HS was the test center nearest to me and my HS wasn 't one ) but I could see that they didn 't care . Many simply stared out the window . In my Catholic HS , it seemed like the student population was mostly the upper tier athletes , academically gifted students , or great artists and singers . Most of my friends in the football and basketball teams were very smart , and managed to maintain overall averages of over 90 , with at least five of the athletes having maybe 95 + . I say this only because I used to think that athletes were really jocks who weren 't the brightest and got by on their athleticism . Of course not everybody was a shining star , but there must have been a very little amount of students who seemed borderline pass / fail . I would maybe hear mention of a troublesome kid once or twice a year , and everybody was fairly focused on their studies or the programs they were involved in . Guidance counselors were extremely helpful ( In my cousins public HS in NJ , his GC barely helped with the little things , so my GC ended up giving me info I passed on to him ) , colleges were more inclined to come to our school and meet with the students and offer help if we had / have any questions . We had a great library and a whole wired / connected computer system schoolwide ( it sound impressive but some of the features the school had were fairly amazing and extremely useful . . . these were features I knew the public HS didn 't have . ) In the Private school I had a better friends circle I guess , and the fact that classmates weren 't made up of students who seemed like complete idiots kind of brushed off good habits for me . Students worked hard in school , and had priorities in order . Students also seemed much nicer from my perspective , although in public school I never had a problem of not getting along with anyone , but I would see my friends being mean to other kids , or having unofficial gangs in a way . In the Catholic school though even the " gangsters " , jocks , theater , geeks , emo kids were nice to each other . You could walk up to a seemingly stupid football player and have an intelligent conversation , and nerds could talk to the most beautiful girl in school and become friends easily . People weren 't discriminated against and were generally more accepting . In terms of private / public university I don 't know how much it would matter , but I am still appying to colleges ( both public and private ) . I 'm not choosing a college on whether or not it is private or not , but private colleges do seem much more expensive . Public Universities are still great , and in many respects better than private colleges . SUNY and CUNY schools are amazing and incredibly cheap . In California the UC schools like UCLA and the like are amazing as well . I 'm sure others are as well but those were the main colleges I looked into , along with a couple private schools . I know this is an old post but I figured as a current senior college student , I can give my take . It all depends on where you grew up . I grew up in a really small farming community and there was only one high school . The closest private high school was about 30 minutes away and my parents were not going to drive me every morning . My high school was horrible . At the time I didn 't think about it , but it was . The average ACT score was 20 . 6 for my class and I had a 31 . I was so bored at that school , but it did get a little better when I took night classes at the local community college . I am currently going to a private college where the work is really hard ( they are ranked in the top 30 in the USA ) . When I stepped foot into my first chemistry lab , it was like I was in another world ! ! ! I had no idea what was going on . And my first chemistry lab report was one of the hardest assignments of my life . But i was in the minority . I remember asking my roommate if I could see his lab report , and he banged out 9 pages in one day ! I was shocked ! He told me that he already did it in high school and it was very easy for him . I would say about 80 % of students didn 't struggle . Yes , eventually , I caught up to speed but there are just fundamentals that other students knew that I was never taught in high school . I tell my parents to have my younger brother who is currently in high school , to take summer classes at a nearby college . On the other hand , my girlfriend grew up in a big city . She went to a public high school that was ranked in the top ten in the state . Then she moved and her last two years was at a private school . Last summer , I was helping her packed up her stuff when I saw several notebooks . I opened them up and saw all they were chemistry lab notes from her private high school . They were exactly the same format and depth as intro college chemistry ! She told me her teacher in high school used to be a professor and that a lot of the teachers there have masters or phd 's . So if you value your kids education and future , tryREPLY From my experience with switching from public to private to public ( as I attended private only for a few years in high school ) , not all schools are created equal . Not that my local public school was bad ( considering that I lived in Bloomfield Hills , MI . . . a pretty rich area in these parts ) , but the nearby private school I attended was light - years ahead . Heck , I was reading Milton in my Sophomore year in private high school . Is Private better than Public ? Not sure , as those are pretty broad terms . But , Ill tell you . . . nothing beats a top private school education in terms of kicking your a @@ every night , especially if you want your kids to be spending school breaks reading from the likes of Homer , Beckett and Chaucer . Is that type of education right for every student ? Probably not . Will it transform your kid into a successful well - adjusted human being ? Not sure .
|
June 23 , 2009 in Uncategorized | Leave a comment One thing that differentiates small towns from big cities is that mostly everyone has a home here . I 'm not certain that even the " homeless " in Charlottetown are genuinely that . I mean , no doubt there 's a few down and out , but when you wander around real late , there 's not too many folks sprawled on a park bench , or huddled over a heating vent . It 's as safe as safe can be here in the Cradle of Confederation and even the bums have a bed . It 's a change of scenery from downtown in the TDot . When you 've got your daily rituals and a finely tuned rat route - home , bus , subway , bus , work , food , subway , bus , home - you start to get real familiar . A large percentage of people sharing space in the swarm are on a similar path , so especially if you 're like me and you never forget a face , you see the same mugs , day in , day out . Some are a welcome recognition , for instance , " Soy latte ? " " Yes , that 's me " " $ 3 . 50 " " Thanks so much " " Have a great day ! " and the unspoken , " See you tomorrow ! " Other faces simply help form a familiar backdrop , somehow making the whole thing more manageable . A few faces , however , do tug on your heartstrings on a whole other kind of level and that 's the down and outs deserving of their " homeless " status . A depressing day of begging and lord knows what other horrors doesn 't necessarily end in a halfway house or even a shelter , it 's a bus shelter or a " quiet " corner in an alleyway . A few years ago , I was living and working downtown . Unlike most in the herd , I didn 't have a cattle car commute , but instead had a leisurely 7 minute walk down Yonge Street , one block over from the gay village , two blocks down from the city center . I walked across College Street to my big government office , strolled past Starbucks , crossed over to Tim Horton 's and never fail , every morning I would see the same young dude parked by the garbage bins asking us all if we could spare a dime . I don 't know what it was about him that got me , what made him stand out from all the others in his exact position , but I developed a certain level of concern and affection for him . I guess maybe it was that he looked like someone I could have been friends with . Some ( handsome ) young , smart ( I could tell he had a brain ) fellow that fell in with the wrong crowd , started using ( I 'm assuming Meth considering both his proximity to the gay village - a drug of choice in that community - and with the way I watched his teeth deteriorate over the months ) and there he was . As much as you don 't want to see someone homeless , in fact you probably pray for them that they find a way off the streets , he was an oddly comforting vision . Just seeing him at his perch always gave me a sense of security . I rarely give change to street people , but I will admit to tossing him a toonie on occasion . I also brought him biscuits from cafes , saved him mints from restaurants , and one Christmas Eve , rolled him a joint and taped it inside a Happy Holidays Hallmark card . I started toying with the idea of asking him to join me for lunch . I don 't know , I just wanted to show him that someone cared . He always remembered me , would compliment my clothing or jewellery on the days I needed it , and in spite of his position , he never wore a frown . He just had so much personality . Around the time I was mulling over the lunch date , he made his way into my dreams . Before I take him to Tim 's , I guess I should first ask him his name , my sleeping self surmised , and so during R . E . M . I envisioned the scenario where I got up the balls to ask him his name . I distinctly remember our exchange . " Hi , I 'm Cynthia . Nice to meet you . " " Hi Cynthia , I 'm something , something regular name . " Now I couldn 't quite recall what he said his name was , but I remembered the pattern - nickname , nickname , regular name . It was three words , that 's for sure . So , I make my way home , and as I pull up to his perch on the corner , I pull out my treats , hand them over , stick out my hand , and say , " Hey , I 'm Cynthia . Nice to meet you . What 's your name ? " Not long after that , I moved from that neighbourhood and took on a new job . I never did get to ask him to lunch . When your daily commute changes in the city , lots of other things change with it . I barely ever walked past that place again , as I had no " real " need . On my last visit to Toronto , I found myself near my old haunts , but fortunately no Little Frenchie Jason in sight . I like to think he pulled his shit together and is on to bigger and better . Or maybe he 's just got his disappearing act down , being a magician and all . June 17 , 2009 in Uncategorized | 3 comments Remember how exciting it was to lose your teeth ? Not only did you have the fun of wiggling the loose one around with your tongue for ages , but you knew that you were certainly bound to score with the tooth fairy when it finally gave up and fell out . I used to let those baby teeth hang in there forever , barely holding on , slowly flicking them back and forth and carefully breaking it free . You became intimately aware of just how loose it was and how much longer you had to go . That 's why I can 't for the life of me sort out how on earth I managed to miss the fact that behind one of my front teeth , there was a fang . I was in kindergarten , 5 years old , and at the end of this special " I lost a tooth ! " day , I was crawling around in the life - sized lego house with Derrick Wells and Meredith Cameron . Climbing up the stairs and through the tunnel , my tongue gave one last good tug and out it came . A lucrative little gem . When you 're 5 , signs of aging are cool and most welcome , so I hurriedly ran to the day care workers to show off my treasured tooth . They feigned excitement , but when I smiled wide to display my new gappy grin , they looked at me in disbelief . Where there was meant to be space in my face , there was a full - sized fang . Yeah . A pointy tooth , just as long and apparent as my other incisors . Didn 't I feel that in there behind the one I 'd lost ? Nope . After all that obsessive shimmy - ing about and I didn 't even have an inkling of its existence . My parents arrived shortly afterwards to pick me up , and they too posed the same confused question . How did I not feel that huge , odd - looking pointy fang behind my baby tooth ? I don 't know , but I didn 't . I didn 't think it was such a big deal , but every now and then curious kids would ask , " What 's with your tooth ? " Much like anything that makes you stand out from the crowd , I suppose you can develop a bit of a complex about it . Thank god somewhere along the road the decision was made to have it pulled . I made the trip to St . Jean Elementary School 's dental office to visit my dentist with ironically bad breath , he froze my face , and exorcised the thing , bewildered by the enormity of its root . I guess that would be an exciting day for a dentist . Not every kid has a fang . Another front tooth grew in successfully , and years later , a wise woman I 've had the pleasure of keeping company with told me that a third tooth means you 've got unique intuitive powers . She 'd read it in some book about Celtic wisdom . ( Had I been born during the time of the witch trials I would definitely have been burned at the stake - red hair , freckles , a fang . I would have been a goner . ) I don 't know if I totally buy into that , but it could definitely explain why I 'm such a weirdo . June 14 , 2009 in Uncategorized | 3 comments I had a dream a couple of months ago where I was standing at the edge of a lake . Quintessential Canadian scenery . Pine trees everywhere , the sun just glistening off the water . It absolutely took my breath away . I was pointing and marvelling and saying to all of my Aussie mates , " Look , look how beautiful it is ! " It was then that I knew it was time to go home . Fast forward to me riding home on VIARail last week . I was lightly sleeping during the early morning hours and the girl next to me tapped me on the knee and pointed out the window . Holy deja vu . The morning sun was swimming its light over a lake surrounded by Canadian conifers and my seatmate was adoring it saying , " Look ! Look how beautiful that is ! Sorry , but I couldn 't let you sleep through that … " Thank you , no worries , I appreciate it . It was just like I 'd seen in my dream . Incroyable . Tres magnifique . Then a feeling came over me , engulfed me really , of absolute joy , love and affection for Canada and , at that precise moment , its unique and stunning landscapes . I had developed a major respect for Aussies and how they cohabitated with all of their crazy , poisonous spiders and snakes . They don 't even seem to acknowledge how brave they are to be effortlessly sharing space with these creepy , crawly critters . " Hey , huge , hairy spider in my bedroom : you do your thing , and I 'll do mine , cool ? " They just learn to coexist and it 's beautiful . It totally shapes their identity , makes them tough as nails in their own special way . Canadians , on the other hand , we 've got our own set of dangers and endurances to toughen us up . It dawned on me as I soaked up the shiny , morning lake light that we 've got 4 true seasons here , and one of them is a real , cold ass freakin ' winter ! Transplant an unsuspecting Islander to my living room in Byron Bay and ask them to live with lizards , cockroaches and monstrous arachnids and they might flip their lid . Alternatively , the morning I woke up and it was a recordbreaking 2 degrees in Melbourne ( ! ! ! HA ! ! ! ) and Aussies were blowing their loads , shivering like a bunch of wussies , I had a good hearty ( proud ) chuckle to myself ; 2 degrees is a hard earned spring day , you wimps . That 's another thing that I try to keep fresh in my daily thoughts , " You know , we 're all just doing the best with what we 've got . " It helps me be less judgemental , more understanding , and forgiving . Snakes , stingers , house - high hills of snow and frozen nose hairs for months on end , hey , we 've all got our shit to contend with and who 's to say how we 'd fair in someone else 's position . June 9 , 2009 in Uncategorized | 1 comment Funny I should find myself sitting on this train bound for the Maritimes . I meant to listen to that Jack Johnson song before I left Toronto - " I need this , old train to break down … " I thought it was symbolic of something . It 's not that I want the train to break down ( although , coincidentally I am sitting in the emergency exit and was thoroughly instructed on how to break the window and open all the latches and such - turns out I 'm the one responsible for everyone 's well - being ) , but I suppose it 's the metaphorical train I 've been riding . I want it to stop dead in its tracks so I can get off and suss an alternate form of transport . " Stop that train , I wanna get off … " that song also made its way into my consciousness this week . Yikes is an understatement . I 've spent no more than 5 days in a row on PEI in the last 4 years , and I somehow took the notion to move back for the entire summer . All that effort put into running away , what kind of twist is this in my tale ? I 've always had each move motivated by the voice in my head that announces the next destination . I don 't always like what I hear , but I 'm getting better at heeding its call regardless . When I landed in Sydney it was " get yourself to Byron , " after 3 months there it was , " move to Melbourne … " Tides turned and moons phased and I knew my holiday was drawing to a close . " You need to see the rock and the reef before you depart , " and so I did . Visions of sand dunes , lobster , clam digging , bonfires , old friends , old lovers , and new houses attracted my internal magnet and here I go yet again to Prince Edward Island . Listening to locutions . This uprooting , the one taking me from my temporary stopover at my surrogate home of Toronto and back to PEI , was particularly difficult . When I arrived at the Pearson airport last week and saw the man in a turban serving people at customs and waited at the luggage carousel with the folks from the flight from Montego Bay , I thought , " Yes ! Black people ! ! Diversity ! ! ! Oh , Toronto , how I 've missed you so … . " The bing , bing , bong of the TTC chime , the sound of the streetcar , pedestrian Sundays in Kensington , cheap food , amazing old friends , I totally fell in love all over again . For some strange reason , or not so strange , picking up and pissing off to the Southern Hemisphere nine months ago seemed less life - altering . It feels like there is more at stake with this shift . It 's now or never kind of thing . I was getting all comfy cozy back in my big city routine and I 'm nervous about breaking it . A few weeks ago a fellow traveler at the hostel in Cairns asked me how long I 'd been on the road . " Nine months , " I answered . Nine months ! Just long enough to have a baby ! You sure you 're not hiding anything ? Have you got something to share with the friends and relatives back home ? Ha ha . Definitely not , and what with the magic of facebook there 'd be no squirreling that one away these days would there ? Then it struck me that maybe there was an incubation of sorts ? Like a little Joey , I crawled into the pouch of Mama Kangaroo and said , " Hold me . Just let me chill out in here until I 'm fully formed and ready to face the world . " So she did and eventually , I climbed out , gestation complete . The thing is though , that you can 't spend all that time in there and expect your perspective to stay the same . You 've had time to percolate , you 've got a fresh set of peepers . And that 's what makes it different . That 's why I have the insatiable desire to derail this train . I wanted a change , and ready or not I got one . I 'm returning home , reborn , to face all the things I took for granted . " OK , sorry guys , I know I sort of fell off the face there for a minute , but I 'm back . " My family , my friends , the best job I 've ever had - I 've been given this once in a lifetime opportunity to pause and rewind and instead of a " what have you done for me lately ? " attitude , I 'm packing nothing but gratitude . Fresh faced , eager eyes , and a humbled heart . I don 't want this train ride to be like all those that have come before . I want it to be different . I want to see what 's right in front of me . I feel like I was born with all of these gifts unwrapped , waiting for me to take advantage and play , but instead I was busy hauling ass up and down the street , searching the neighbours houses , pawing everybody else 's presents , looking anywhere and everywhere but home for all the tools to make it complete . Major bad case of the grass is greener . The good news is , now I know . I 've seen the grass , and yeah , it 's green , but greenER is a stretch . Who knows what in the name of mama kangaroos is going to go down on the gentle Island . I have a rough sketch to guide me , but it could be anything really … and who knows how long I 'll stay ? The big smoke still holds a huge part of my psyche and I don 't know if I am ready to say goodbye to it just yet , or if I 'll have to . Maybe it 'll be a hello , nice to see you , thanks for everything , sorry I was such a jerk , end scene , see ya later , or as my friend jokes , maybe I 'll be barefoot and pregnant to some Island boy and in no time I 'll be settling down for good . What I do know for certain is it 'll definitely have to be different . June 3 , 2009 in Uncategorized | 1 comment I 've got a hankering to spill the beans on a few stories in the memory bank , but everything at the forefront is re heartache , unrequited love , new love , old love , confusing love , prospective love , blah , blah , blah , blah - BOOOORRRINNNG . So , instead of rhyming off the ins and outs of what 's really on my mind , I 'm going to dig deep and dust off a doozy down from the shelf . Rather than dissect matters of the heart , I shall postulate on the inner - workings of the soul . Not just any old soul , no , a tortured one - yes , a wandering one . Now , many in my circle have heard this retold time and time again , but you know , personally , I can never get enough of a good thing . Let 's call this one " The Mystery of the Motueka Murderer . " ( I 've never actually titled it before . It 's got a nice ring to it , doesn 't it ? ) Way back in 2004 , I was on a solo tour of New Zealand . Another one of my " let 's get some perspective " ventures . I had been touring around the South Island , doing what is dubbed " WWOOF - ing " - willing workers on organic farms . Basically , you pay a minimal membership fee , get access to a list of families throughout the country that are willing to provide travelers with food and accommodation in exchange for approximately 4 hours of work per day on their farms . Picking flowers , painting houses , you name it , it was on the list of potential chores . You call up your chosen destination , " ring ring - my name is Cynthia , I 'm from Canada , la la la , ( I hope you don 't suck and aren 't weird and creepy ) and I 'm wondering if you are looking for any wwoofers at the moment ? " More often than not you 're signing up for a totally positive , unforgettable experience , but on the rare occasion , you end up with more than you bargained for in one way or another . Motueka was one of those towns . Small , but ' bigger ' than any of my expectations in every sense . I had been staying in a town called " Greymouth " and yeah , it was just as shitty as the name suggests . Grey . Bland . Boring . I was overworked by a bunch of weirdos , the people gave me the heebee jeebees , so I cut my intended stay short and picked up the phone to get a move on . I can 't remember what drew me to Jackie and Steve 's farm in my little directory , but I can certainly remember our initial conversation . Jackie was a Doctor ( very respectable ) and Steve was an Agricultural Consultant on his way to Fiji for a month to complete some special project . They had a small hobby farm , chickens , horses , sheep , a lemon orchard , and some olive trees . They also had three children , Finn , Sophie , and James , ages 6 , 4 , and 2 . Because Steve was off on business , Dr . Jackie could really use a hand around the house , and a pleasant Canadian girl with plans to stick around could be just the right match . We set the date , I booked my bus and set sail for the next phase . When I first arrived at the farm , I didn 't like it . I just got bad vibes . At first I thought maybe it was because as soon as we arrived we were out in the field lifting sheep and such ( oh you know those Kiwis and their sheep … wink , wink ) , and then I chalked it up to simply being a bit travel weary . Another farm . Ugh . I miss the comforts of home , I thought . They showed me my digs , and when I saw I would have the luxury of my own , quaint , quiet cottage situated next to their house , I talked myself into it , thinking , " Oh , this will be great . You 'll have time on your own , to read , write , relax … it will be lovely and much needed . Suck it up , Cynthia . " So I did . And the plan was for me to stay with the whole family for a few days , get to know how things operated , take off for the weekend , and come back on Sunday to start playing Little Susie Homemaker . After a weekend of debauchery in the city , I was content to come back to my little cottage , bake apple crisp , and make crafts with the kids . My initial bad vibes were successfully suppressed , and I was settling in . An all round lovely day with the family , and off to beddy bye to finally soak up some of that me time I was oh so looking forward to . Travelling alone in a country full of fresh , delicious food , tends to lend itself towards ( moderate ) weight gain for me , so as I was getting changed for bed , I was checking out my new chubb in the reflection of the glass in the window . " Hmm , not too impressed with this , but what are you gonna do ? " I thought as I undressed . As I stood there , examining my flaws framed by the open curtains of the window looking out to the pitch black , middle of nowhere , night , I started to get the sense that someone was watching me . ( Even though I 've told this story a million times , I still get chills at this part , and yes , I 'm considering getting up and closing the blinds on the window next to me - but I digress ) . The self talk started , " Cynthia , no one is outside , it 's just your dumb , overactive imagination , stop it . " Yeah , yeah . I * mostly * shook it off , but still sped up the process , got changed , and jumped into bed . Having heard rave reviews , I was reading , " The No . 1 Ladies ' Detective Agency " that night , but I was pretty tired , so cut the reading session short . ( another sidebar - still haven 't been able to pick up that book again - bad connotations ) . I got up , clicked off the light , and jumped back into bed . [ Here 's where I always debate whether to tell the full story , or the clean version - but I think I 'll go for the full on full story , because a ) it 's relevant , and b ) this is the way it happened ] ANYway , I 'm travelling alone , so you know , a girl gets lonely . If I 'm going to have the luxury of being in my own private quarters , I might as well take advantage , right ? So , yeah , here 's goes nothing and taking care of business , and suddenly , I hear a knock at the door . " Rap , a tap , tap . " It 's the kind of flimsy door , with a single pane window that rattles in a very particular fashion - you know , the kind you hear , loud and clear , with no doubt about it being a door knocking , especially in the silence of nothingness in the middle of the night . " Hello ? ? " I call out . No answer . I get up to investigate , and instead of going directly to the door , I peer out the window next to it to see what 's up , and simply see the dog , Patch , sitting quietly and calmly on the mat , looking up at me . " Hmmm … very curious . I know I heard that , but maybe it was just Patch wagging his tale ? ? Or maybe it was a possum ? ? Kind of weird that he 's just sitting there like that , and I 'm not really sure of the logistics of a possum or tale wagging and that exact door knocking noise , but what else was it when there is clearly no one out there ? " Back to bed , and by the way , abort mission on project cure the loneliness . I 'm laying there trying to get to sleep , but there 's one thing that 's really bothering me . Why are the lights still on in the house ? I mean , Jackie is a doctor , she 's got to get up really early for work , so why would she still be up ? Are they leaving the lights on for my benefit ? They didn 't do that last week when I was here ? Nevermind . But I can 't shake it . What the hell is up in the house ? FORGET it , Cynthia . Go to sleep . " Overactive imagination " starts again , and my worry about the lights is escalating into all kinds of visions . Is there something wrong ? Is there something wrong with Sophie ? Should I go in and check ? I can 't cut this feeling loose and now I 'm having flashes of a woman murdered , and really , it 's all very silly and I should just go the F to sleep and stop being such a scaredy - cat . Phewf . Finally , I forget it for long enough to drift off . I 'm just about to go to sleep when suddenly , on the pillow above my head , I feel / hear a hand moving along across my head . " Shhhhhooooooooppppp " over the pillow , slowly from the left to the right . I 'm definitely awake , and think , " Okayyyyy , sooooo , eitherrrrr there 's a rat in the bed with me , in which case it would be besiiiiide me right now , orrrrrr there is someone in here . " Not a split second after that thought , I feel this phenomenal weight on my chest , my whole body goes stiff , my arms tighten up at my side , my hands make a fist , and I hear the most disturbing sound of a maniacal man 's voice laughing , " muah , ha ha ha ha . " The sound came from my mouth , but believe me , I was sure I didn 't make it . " Christopher ? " was my first instinct . It was the one year anniversary of my cousin 's death , and I wondered if maybe he was trying to connect with me . But no . I quickly dismissed that justification and realized that if it was him , it wouldn 't have felt so bloody terrible . It felt like there was a man on top of me , holding me down , saying , " Ha , ha , ha , you little bitch … " So unbelievably sickening . I literally had to pull myself up out of bed , slipped on my sandals , grabbed my sweater and ran towards the house . The door was locked when I got there which was really a shame , considering the proximity of the door to the dark path leading into the woods , but fortunately , Dr . Jackie was on it , and she promptly unlocked it and let me in . " Hey there . C , mon in . I was just up reading … the first night when Steve goes away is always a little weird … " ( YEAH , NO SHIT ! ! ) I come inside , make my way over to the kitchen and fumble around to make myself a soothing cup of tea . She starts rambling on about this and that , and as I go through the motions of boiling the water and act like I 'm listening , I stop her and say , " You know , I 'm sorry , but I 'm a little shaken up … I just had the strangest experience . " " I 'm so sorry . We 've never had that happen to anyone in the cottage before , " she apologizes . WTF ? ? ? ? ? What is THAT supposed to mean , ' we 've never had that happen in the cottage ? ? ' Christ almighty ! Is she serious ? " Yeah , not that I would ever wish this on anyone else , but in a way , I 'm glad this happened to you , because I thought I was crazy . I 've had the exact same thing happen to me a number of times minus the sound effects . It only ever happens when Steve 's away … you 're the first person to confirm this for me . " One of the chosen ones ! Wow ! I 'm such a lucky duck . Awesome . So it 's 1 : 30 in the morning , in the middle of nowhere , and this woman is about to absolutely confirm my worst fears . I would have been utterly content to brush this one off ( how that would have been possible , I 'm not sure ) but no , she proceeds with corroboration . " We 've had this place exorcised twice . We thought it was gone , but now that we 're doing renovations , we feel that things are being stirred up again . This used to be a ' House of Ill Repute ' ( a brothel ) and there was a woman murdered here . We feel there was the spirits of a father and son hanging around , the father has moved on , but I think the son is still here . Because it only happens when I 'm alone , I feel as though it 's a man who truly hates women … " No kidding . " I don 't like going to the loo at night , " and she points to the bathroom , located immediately next to where I was standing . " Finn has mentioned that he senses something around here too . " The six year old boy was a genius , literally , but had major behavioural problems , in fact , so did the young girl . I recall her saying to me once , " I don 't know what comes over me ! I try to be good , but sometimes I just can 't help it ! ! " YEAH , KID ! CUZ YOUR HOUSE IS HAUNTED ! NO WONDER ! ! I felt like saying . Jackie and I took our tea to the couch and she conveyed her struggles with the energy of the house and the property in general . They had done all kinds of work to change things , to clear it , but to no avail . " That is so awful , " I announce , " To be stuck between two worlds like that . It 's bad enough to live like that in one life , but to carry that over into another . Just move on , just let go . It must be so awful " and with that reflection , I felt that immense weight that I didn 't even realize was still on me , lift . I didn 't mention a word aloud , but Jackie must have sensed it too because she then exclaimed , " Did you feel that ? ? It feels lighter in here doesn 't it ? I 've never been able to take pity on it before … maybe that 's what it needed . " " Anyway , I hope you 'll still consider staying with us … I should get to bed , " and off she went , leaving me to my own devices , at 3 a . m . in a house that I now know for a fact is besieged by the boogeyman . THANKS , LADY ! I sat in the room , next to the dreaded loo , and nearly shat myself with fear . I picked up the phone and called my boyfriend back in Canada , disregarding the inconvenient time difference and talked to him until the sun came up . In the early morning I went to sleep for a few hours in her bedroom while she made breakfast for the kids . I had an episode of sleep paralysis , but other than that , nothing much to speak of . That day I had a decision to make . Should I stay or should I go ? Against all my better judgment , I opted to stay . I was pretty broke at the time , and because I had agreed pre - poltergeist to take on some extra duties for some extra under the table dosh , I found it hard to say no . To this day , I 'm still not sure how or why I made that call , but I did , and not only did I push myself to stick it out , but I forced myself to stay at least one night alone again in the cottage . I know . Insane . But I wanted to prove to myself I could . " This is my space , and you 're not welcome ! " I announced . I wanted to conquer it , and I did , but that was enough . The rest of my 2 week stay was on a mattress on the floor of her bedroom , with ear plugs to boot . Even though I was doing a lot of writing at the time , I couldn 't even document any of this while I was still there . I had a hunch that someone was potentially lurking over my shoulder . What a crazy time that was . I left the property for a night or two for some more sin in the city , and driving back onto the land , the heavy gloom hanging over the place was palpable . I have a clear memory of turning off the engine of the car , sitting there looking out onto the fields and thinking , " this place is fucked , " and nevertheless , collecting my overnight bag and making my way back to the house . I also remember one day I was working out in the field , pulling up a fence , and when I got to a certain nondescript place in the paddock , I felt sick to my stomach , got so creeped out , called Patch the dog , and scurried off to the house . I just couldn 't be there for whatever reason . When she questioned me later as to why I hadn 't finished with the fence , I told her that basically it was because I got scared , and really had to bite my tongue and not shout at her with my inner voice , " THIS PLACE IS INSANE . " Friday the 13th rolled around , and when 2 American girls I had met contacted me and asked me to join them hitchhiking down the coast , I packed my bag and announced I was getting the hell out of dodge . Jackie protested , " But you promised you 'd stay until February 14th ! I need you ! " I replied with something to the effect of , " I think I 've done pretty well … and sorry , I 'm not staying here on Friday , the 13th . Call me crazy , call me superstitious , but I 'm done . " Two years later , I got an email from her . " Hey , how are you doing back in Canada ? We think of you often … lots of wwoofers passing through … we still get visits from our nocturnal wanderer … etc etc etc . " " I think of you often as well , " I replied with not a word of lie . That was not the kind of place you forget . It really sticks with you . One for the books . I just finished an astounding book authored by Cormac McCarthy called " The Road . " It 's the kind of profound read that you 're almost nervous to partake in publicly because you completely lose yourself in the tale and can 't help but verbalize your shock and amazement . I was reading it on the tram on the way to work , and I recall having to put the book down , suck in a slow , deep breath , exhale , " whooooooooo … " while drumming my fingers on my knee , and wait until I could muster some courage to continue . So f - in intense , man . It 's the same dude who wrote , " No Country for Old Men . " Essentially , it 's about " The Man " and " The Boy " fighting to survive in a post - apocalyptic world . It never actually articulates what precisely happens , but alludes to a fireball hitting the earth , mostly everything burning to the ground , a grey cloud of ash veiling the sky , and tells the story of some of the few ( fortunate ? ? ) survivors and how they push on . There 's no food , no " society " or " civilization " , just a handful of humans , half turned cannibals , the other half running scared scavengers and leaves you asking questions like , " WTF would I do ( when and ) if that happened ? " and , " What 's there to hope for when there 's nothing left to hope for ? " Seriously , this book is innnnntense . It really gets the wheels turning . A must read . With that explanation aside , rewind to the Mayan calendar on my necklace . Most people will have heard about 2012 by now , but for the lame arses with their head in the sand ( kidding ! ) , I 'll relay the Reader 's Digest version . December 21 , 2012 is when the Mayan Calendar ends , and consequently , to quote R . E . M . , it 's the end of the world as we know it . Before the eyes start rolling , and I 'm pegged as some sort of doorknocking , ding dong who 's trying to convert you to Jehovah , google it . You can do your own research to see it ain 't no small faction of loonies who are proponents of this theory . I 'm not going to try to convince anyone , but I do think an exploration of the ideas and implications surrounding the possibility of this coming to fruition is a provocative and worthwhile thought experiment . It 's silly semantics , really , to peg this kind of talk as " conspiracy theory . " That phrase holds such negative connotations , and what does it even mean anyway ? Is a conspiracy theorist someone who entertains / believes in ideas that aren 't prepackaged by the media ? If so , then shoot , I guess I 'll have to accept that dissentient classification ; let 's all just roleplay as Screwball Sam for a minute and pretend it 's not a bad thing to entertain such notions . Let 's also not get bogged down in the technicalities of the precise 12 / 21 / 12 prediction , and instead just think about where this world is headed . Maybe it won 't be a page out of the Book of Revelations , and maybe it won 't be a single catastrophic event on a distinct date , but it 's honestly no so far fetched to think that with the way things are accelerating exponentially , planet earth as we know her and love her is in for a facelift . I fancy that 's what I was getting at with my response to the question , " What do you think is going to happen ? " Maybe there will be floods and fires and humans will resort / revert to cannibalism and there will be mass destruction and murder and mayhem and lord only knows what else , or maybe we 're all just in for a major shift in perception ? What if entering the fifth dimension means finally recalibrating our collective consciousness ?
|
Peace ended the year as the # 3 cardigan ! Earlier in the year I saw that she was on the top 10 list and I thought to myself wouldnt it be special if she could end the year on the list ? Well , we did it ! Peace ended the year as # 3 cardigan . Granted , we didnt have lots of breed points , but its still kind of nice to see . Then to make it better , UKC finally got Magic posted as the number 11 Ultra Dog ! My dogs make me proud , no matter how we do , but seeing those sucesses does really make me feel good . I often lament that I am not the best trainer , or handler , and I am not , but I do love to play with my dogs and I think they like playing with me . Today as we go into the new year , I am thankful that I am blessed with these 4 special dogs . And I am greatful and thankful that my family who have helped so much this year , also feel they are a blessing and love them as much as I do . ARCH UWPCH CA FO URO3 AG2 Qwaynts Magic Spark CD RE NA NJP RL1X RL3 NA NJC TNG O - TNN CL1F CL1H 2010 hasn 't been a bad year , but it 's had moments . We lost Jade ( parrotlet ) , Sam ( cat ) and Kazin ( huskyX ) . We had the scare with Magic and the tumors , which although it could return , at least now we are prepared . David and Darryl are both working , although only part time , it is definitely better than not at all . Due to this we haven 't been able to afford upgrading anything , but we are able to maintain and I am greatful . The dogs and the family all played together this year , and overall we were successful and had a very good time . We spent time together , doing things we love , with the people we love and enjoy which is never a bad thing . We spent time with new and old friends , sharing lots of laughter and a few tears too . Goals were met , revised or let go as seemed appropriate at the time . Looking ahead to 2011 , I am not going to set any hard and specific title goals . All of my goals are going to be less tangible , more subjective , such as relationships , focus , foundations . I am going to let this year flow and follow along and see where we wind up . We will continue our training and try some new things in our current classes , nosework , agility and obedience . There a a few new things I possibly see on the horizon , herding and maybe even flyball if we can get into the class . ( Its limited to 12 , so I dont know yet . ) I am hoping to attend Premier this year , and would love to attend the Cardigan National , but finances will dictate . To end the ramble , let me just say THANK YOU to those who have touched our lives . You have enriched us in so many ways , some large some small , but all appreciated . I wish you the goodness life can bring and a healthy , happy , safe New Year . I know I just said next year I was going to focus on Grace , but now I am thinking I want to take Magic to flyball classes . I just think he would LOVE flyball . Balls Barking & Running , what could be better ? I am thinking 2011 will be Grace 's year . This is probably being optimistic , but I would like to start trialing Grace in both agility and obedience next year . Am I crazy ? Probably . If her attitude at agility class was any indication if I am not crazy now , I will be by 2012 . My dogs are going crazy . Its been so cold , they don 't want to be outside , yet they don 't want to be inside either . Last night we must have been in and out 10 times an hour , for 3 minutes a time . Grace is the least cold hardy - she will be fine then moments later she is on her belly refusing to move . I am thinking about trying booties for them all as it seems to be cold feet that is the most problematic . Anyone tried booties ? Will your corgis keep them on ? If they knock over one more thing inside , they may permanently move out . . . . . The other day I was sitting at my desk filling out some paperwork for one of the dog clubs I belong to . It was regarding awards earned this year . It got me to thinking , about this last year , what we did , where we went , the goals we met and those we did not meet . It got me thinking about priorities , and where to go from here . Trying to think about what ultimately my goals for each of my dogs is - do I really have any , or do I just want to keep going , doing and playing , or do I want to focus on something specific ? One of my frineds really wants an OTCH , another a MACH . What do I want , I am not really sure . I dont know that I really want to excel at any one thing , I think I like just playing around and having fun . Doing lots of things but nothing to exclusion ? I have 4 dogs , do I want to focus on one or two , or do I mess a little with all of them ? How do you decide your goals and priorities ? This weekend was the UGSDA clubs last UKC show for the year . Sadly due to the weather there were not nearly as many people at the show , but it was fun none the less . The UGSDA club is the one that is looking at bringing UKC agility back to Minnesota , so I think its important to support the club . I entered both Grace and Peace , and asked a couple of my non conformation friends to come give me a hand showing . Saturday Crystal ( Reactive Champion ) came and handled Grace . Crystal had never done the conformation thing , so this was entirely new for her . And she did a great job , she and Grace beat Peace and I and they took a Group 3 . ( Which was better than Peace did in any of the other shows . ) I was so happy to see them do so well and to be able to watch my dog from the outside of the ring . I made Crystal take the ribbons home . I think she had a good time , I know I did ! Christi ( Maggie the weight pulling Border Collies mom ) was also there this weekend . She was helping another friend with her Weims , and she also took Grace in for one of the shows yesterday . I 've watched Christi showing several times now , and she just keeps getting better and better . i am thinking it wont be long before she has a conformation dog too . In the second show yesterday , Christi was in the ring with the weims so I asked Suri , one of the young juniors if she would like to take Grace in . She couldnt lift her , but we asked the judge if the steward would be allowed to help with the lifting to the table which she was fine with . I was so happy to see how well Suri handled Grace , and equally how really nicely Grace showed for her . Suri is really getting to be a good handler , both in the conformation ring and with her weight pulling sammy . Its so fun to watch these kids grow and learn . Yesterday I alos handled DJ a little Papillon for Carol . I adore DJ he is just such a fun little guy , but compared tothe cardis it is like having a fly on a string ! We didnt win , but then we weren 't supposed to so I guess thats OK . Carols little black and white pap took breed 3 out of the 4 shows at only 8 months old . She is a stunner , very flashy and hasa terrific attitude . Plus I won a bunch of stuff in the raffle to support a local GSD and Corgi rescue . All in all an enjoyable weekend . I am so happy with the progress Grace is making in our focus class . Its always been a challenge keeping Graces attention . Little things like other dogs near her caused her to want to turn away and look at the other dogs . ( Probably due to the time she was jumped from behind when entering the conformation ring , it seems like she doesn 't like to turn her back on other dogs ) Last night in class we were working on her mat , keeping focused attention , while other dogs were moving around . A little cocker actual stepped on Graces tail and she never took her eyes away from me , the most reaction she gave was an ear flick ! Good girl . Grace is not what I would call a reactive dog , but she is a very non focused / attention deficit dog . In other words while she doesn 't worry about or snark at other dogs , she also wants to know what everyone else is doing / going / saying but also she wants everyone to know what she thinks about stuff too . . So a few weeks ago we started a focus and attention class with our agility instructor . Last night in class we worked on stays , recalls and toys / food distractions . Grace was none to happy about the stays , breaking her stay fairly frequently . She was also not too happy about the recalls . or maybe it was the corrections for breaking her stay . When she breaks , her stays though , it does not appear that she is breaking because of the other dogs or distractions . So I think its more of a training issue than a focus one . At one point after breaking her stay immediately twice , I of course returned after 5 steps or so and rewarded that she hadnt broke . Then I asked her to stay again and went about 10 feet , turned and called her . Grace in typical Grace fashion , came , but got 3 feet away stopped and started complaining . Silly girl . She did fairly well though with moving through the toys and treats on the floor , only lunging occassionally . The funny thing is with Grace its not that she wants the toy or the food , like some of the other dogs . She just wants to know what it is , then she if fine leaving it . Just gotta get that sniff . On the plus side , she is getting much better about laying on her mat and not caring what the other dogs are doing when its not her turn . Last night she never left her mat once due to other dogs / people going by her . She only left her mat to jump on me and beg . Good girl . I admit , I am lazy . I dont work my dogs everyday . I should , but I dont . I need to find a way to get motivated enough to get my dogs trained . I am thinking that maybe if I show this weekend at the ASCA trial , I might be motivated enough ( by embarrassment ) to actually train my dogs ? Think that would work ? A very nice fellow puller took a video of Magic pulling . This is Sunday when he pulled 635 . He also took some of Carol and her Pap Casanova and Christi and her BC Maggie who pulled over 1200 . I wasnt aware he was taking these , but am very happy to be able to watch it . As you can see , Magic talks alot , and that tail is always going . Magic pulls 635 at Gateway We are all simply exhausted . I had a great time in Missouri at the Gateway Nationals . Maybe too good of a time . I entered Magic in every performance event at least once . Magic worked his butt off for me and I couldn 't be prouder of my little guy . Peace didn 't get to do as much but was also a very good girl . I guess I can honestly say she is the winningest Cardigan in conformation ever at the Gateway Nationals , since she was the only one who competed ! On Friday we had the first weight pull , for Magic 2nd place and 15 points , his first coursing attempt , Q , and Peace also Q 'd at the pull with a 5 point pull . Peace also was entered in 3 conformation events , but we only were able to make 2 . Saturday was the busiest . Peace again had 2 conformation shows , and she gave lure coursing a try . Although she seemed interested when other dogs ran , she wasnt willing to run alone , so no Q . Magic though was busy , we Q 'd both AG1 runs , with a 199 and a 190 , but had some trouble with the crawl tunnel and NQd both AG2s . Rally was 2 runs , with a 96 tied for first place but lost on time , and an NQ . It was late in the day near 7 PM and I apparently forgot what left means . His lure coursing run was great , another Q , but the dock diving we tried was not so good . He was a little too nervous to jump in the pool . I wasnt sure what he would do , he has only done it in a pond and the gorgeous pool set up at Purina was just to scary for the little guy . Sunday gave Peace and I another 2 conformation shows , and Magic again pulled . This time although he earned another 2nd , it was only a 10 point pull , but that was enough to earn his United Weight Puller Championship . Then we ran another lure , and earned the 3rd Q for his CA , coursing aptitude . The judges thought he was the first corgi to earn one . In Rally , Magic and I managed another 2 Q 's in rally which gave us our URO3 - both 3rd places I think . Poor guy this was the last event of the day and during his last honor sit , he almost fell asleep . His eyes were slowly closing and he was drifting off , good thing I could talk to him and keep him awake ! All in all a terrific time . I am planning on Premier in the summer , and hoping to have more dogs to go , so Magic doesn 't have to do all the work ! What a great boy he is . Tonight we are leaving for MO for the UKC show . I am really excited , yet somewhat dissapointed . I had hoped for some cardigan competition , but we will go and have fun anyways . Magic my little do everything guy will be my main partner . We are going to play at just about everything . Its there , so why not , right ? He is already entered for 2 weight pulls , 4 agility runs , 3 lure coursing runs and I am thinking about throwing in some rally . They also have dock diving , but I am not sure if he will do that after our one rather sad attempt when he sort of sank . I wonder if he could try it with a life jacket ? He is such a great dog and although things with his breeder are strained at best , I will always be greatful for Magic . For a first cardigan , he is the best . Peace and I will play in the conformation ring , but she is also pulling on Friday . I really need to get her trained for other events , but I am thinking maybe I will let her watch lure coursing , and if she seems interested at all , maybe she can give it a try as well . I wish all of you going to Sioux Falls a wonderful and successful time . I really hope all of you win , but since I know that cant happen , I will hope you all have a really good time . Although I was really torn about whether to do MO or SF , I am really glad we are going to go play . I like conformation , but performance stuff is where my heart really is . Here is what I had in mind for the years goals as of last December . Magic - Magic will hopefully do some more weight pulling . Met I would like to have him work toward his ARCH MET and see if maybe we can earn his CDX . We have done some work , but not nearly enough . Peace - gets to take the year off . Peace earned her UWP and has played a little in the breed ring , but primarily has had the year off . Siren - Siren will begin formal training . As in a training class . I am not disciplined enough to work my dogs as they should be , on my own , so I am going to commit to getting at least one title on Siren this year . Well , she earned a couple of legs toward a weight pull title , but the actual training class she is in is Nosework . I am happy with this , but would also like to see us at least try to work toward some obedience work . Overall so far I am relatively pleased , but I do need to get in gear with obedience . I feel all my dogs need to have obedeince titles of some sort , so this will need to be my focus the rest of the year . Which will fall into place nicely with the end of year budget being primarily gone , we can do much of this work on our own , if I just commit to it . So blogger friends , if you dont hear of me working on this , kick me in the patootie , OK ? Friday and Saturday we took a little trip to IL to play at some UKC conformation . In order to earn a UKC Grand Champion , you need to win the Champions class 5 times with at least 3 champions in the class . We so rarely have any cardis other than mine entered here in MN so when I found out that there was going to be other Cardis entered in IL we decided at the last minute to make the trip . Since Teresa was only going to be there Saturday , we only entered that day as well . Peace was reserve in the first show and BOB in the second earning her first win toward her Gr . Hopefully , Teresa and I will be able to work together and get to some shows so we can both continue toward that . I am trying to convince Teresa to come over here next summer and give weight pulling a try too . I think she just might , she already has a harness , might as well use it ! Sadly , the pre - entry numbers are out for Gateway and Peace is the only Cardi . I was so hoping that we would get to play with others there that weekend . I really like showing , but its so much more fun when you get to play WITH others . Win or lose , its just more fun . Come on Cardi people , come play UKC . We play nice , promise ! ! I am almost kicking myself now , for not getting back to agility much sooner . The look on Magics face at that first startline was wonderful . My boy was so happy to be there , and yet he was a really good boy . He let me get good lead outs where needed , he remained focused even with that long line of jumps just curving on and he tried to do everything I asked . Yes we had a few bobbles , but dang did we have fun ! All in all , we had 5 qualifying runs out of 7 attempts . The 2 NQ 's were dogwalk related . He has never shown problems with the dogwalk , but there was something about this one that made him a bit nervous . The wide open courses were really fun and Magic loved the ability to really go . And it reinforced for me that I NEED to get my rear in gear and get in better shape too . I want to do this again . Laura was kind enough to video us ; Magics runs 10 . 9 . 10 Including the jump he crashed ! Enjoy . I had to take a couple of days to process all the information from the seminar Sunday . First of all I really wish I had been able to do Saturday as well . Sunday was about getting a better performance , but primarily about attention and attitude . The first thing we worked on was attention - which I admit , although Magic is fairly attentive , he does tend to lose focus so learning how to work toward keeping that attention was great . the first exercise we worked on was stationary focus . I have always known that Magic can stare me in the face for quite some time as long , but what I realized is that although he is comfortable with this when I am sitting , he is not quite as focused when I am standing . Its not bad , but it can be better . But , he really has a difficult time while in motion . All I was asking him for was a moving front , and he could not maintain that focus well . Well - that also shows in his distance work , so we are working on this . The next session of work was relating to clicker training , and we worked on a trick with a prop of your choosing . What the goal here was though is to not lure , or if you lure initially to break the lure very quickly . Like within 3 attempts or so . . This was a bit harder and I realized that Magic is much less confident in his ability to think out the problem than I realized . I think I have been too much of a helper . I am working on that , but its going to be hard because I catch myself all the time . Maybe I need to train with my mouth taped shut and my hands belted to my sides or something so I cant " help " hims so much . The last session was really , really thought provoking for me . This was about training attitude that can carry over to the performance . The exercise we did was something no other trainer had ever suggested to me before , or if they have I missed it completely . ( that wouldn 't really surprise me ! ) She explained that although her dogs are well trained and beyond the learning , she continues to reward very heavily . In her video , working working with her awesomely trained performance dogs , she was still rewarding variably , but frequent . Like 2 - 6 steps of heeling . She said she rarely works an entire performance as one piece . Parts but not so much of the whole . The exercise we did was practicing ( for me developing ) a rinThe ring was set up just like a small obedience ring . Interestingly , even though we had been at the facility and had worked in a larger gated area all day , when Magic saw the new set up , and we walked up to to the entrance and heeled in and there was a judge , he seemed to think it might be a real trial . His tail went down , he listened and did what I asked - heel in , sit , take off leash , heel to the start line , his attitude was much less happy than it had been just an hour before . We chatted with the judge , but he seemed less interested in me . When the judge asked us if we were ready , I asked him if he was ready , and he did begin to pay a bit more attention ( ready is our attention word ) , but it was subdued . The first step of heel and he lagged as normal , but I still broke it off and we partied a minute or so and left the ring . We immediately performed the whole series again , and the change was amazing . Both his head and tail came up and there was no lag off the start . The third time the pooper actually forged a tiny bit , which is SO not Magic . While I am sure after the first time , he realized this was not the real thing , I can see how training this with consistent expectations would help him have a better start - and maybe an entire performance . Granted it is going to take some work , and we will have to try to take in some matches , but I am hoping the combination of things will help our overall performances . Now I understand that there was some training using raised platforms for learning positions on Saturday . I am hoping that I can get someone from Saturday to give me a quick lesson , because I certainly can use any help in training I can get . Some photos from around the house last night . My back has been acting up lately , so I have been sleeping on the couch . The dogs took advantage last night . Darryl got stuck on the floor watching TV , but the dogs were happy . Rinnie really dug herself under everything - not sure how she managed this . Magics nose - back to normal . Now , we know they can come back at any time , but he looks so much better ! Love having my boy 's beautiful face back . Now we just need to get the drool stains off his white chest . Posted by Focus seems to be an issue in my training lately . Not only am I having a hard time focusing on what to train , I am having a hard time getting my dogs to focus as well . I am sure that the 2 are related , but I really need a training kick in the pants lately . So this week I took steps to work on this . Sunday Magic and I are going to a Michele Pouliot seminar on improving performance for any performance sport . I am really excited and hope I can get a lot of helpful hints from this one . When asked in the registration what I hoped to accomplish I said that I really wanted to work on attention , focus and attitude . With Magic this is primarily a heeling issue , but with the girls this is an ALL the time issue . I am taking Magic as I think I will get more out of the seminar if I have a semi cooperative dog . Then , I also signed Grace up for a 6 week class with Annelise on focus and attention . Now , I think this will be geared more toward agility , but hopefully it will carry over to the other things I would like to do with her . I do want to say that last night at agility class Grace was much better than the week before . Even with a new dog in class she was much more willing to pay attention to me . AND , for the first time ever , we were able to be successful on everything we did in class the first time through ( except 2o2o on the dogwalk which she hasnt learned yet ) . We are starting to run a bit longer jump sequences and Annelise usually puts in a fairly tough cross in there . And even though I almost ran into the jump , I got Grace through them all the first time - table at 16 , no bars down , no off courses , even a little bit more distance . And unlike last week , she had no issues with taking the dogwalk at all , and even starting a running A frame went well . I was really pleased with my princess last night . Well the report came back from the pathology . They are calling Magic 's issue as Histiocytosis , probably at this point the reactive type . The vet suggested the . UC Davis Website for information . From reading this site and others , it does seem like at this point reactive histiocytosis fits his symptoms , as the most recent huge lump is now receding . I do have more questions for my vet , but I am in the process of creating a list at this point . I think though that we are going to start keeping track of things to see if we can poinpoint what is causing the reactions . it seems like the last one started right after he got his monthly heartworm meds . Coincidence ? Probably , but its going to bug me so I will need to really track this . I will try to post a new picture of Magics much smaller lump tonight . OH my gosh was she a poop last night . We missed agility class the last 2 weeks due to work issues . You would have thought she had never been to a class before . Her weaves were gone . GONE ! She would take the dogwalk going one way , but not the other . She had zoomies and tried to play you can 't catch me . What a stinker ! ! On the other hand , I think now our instructor understands when I say I cant trust her . She does make life interesting . LOL ! I love fall . I love the fall harvest and have been busy saving the season . Now I am working on apples . Since I only have an hour or so each evening , I have been canning just a couple of things a night . Last night was 2 quarts of wedges for pies , the night before 3 pints of slices . Before that applesauce and our family favorite grapplesauce ( grape applesauce ) . Tonight I have to give 2 dogs baths , so I may not have time , but if I do I would like to get a couple of trays of slices on the dehydrator . Which should use up the apples I have , then tomorrow we can send Darryl out to get more , while Dave and I are at the dog show . And maybe more grapes if he can get them . And maybe more canning jars too . Have a great weekend ! I really enjoyed taking Siren to her class last night . She is a very determined little worker , and in general is pretty good about working her areas . Last night she only had trouble with one find , and I am not so sure she didnt know where it was , but just felt like continuing to work . She is quite funny , Rin has a very gay tail that curls up over her back . The whole time she is scenting , that tail is going , but when she finds the scent the tail stops and goes right up over her and its almost like she is pointing out the scent . Its really quite cute . Ok why is that Yahoo worthy ? Because it means that I get to work Siren in her nosework class . Dave has been doing a really good job with Rinnie , but I am tired of watching ! So tonight I get to play . I know , silly right ? First the good , Magics vet called and the initial report is back from the pathology . The tumors are not malignant . The lab is doing further testing to see if they can tell if these are immune mediated . There is a strong possibility that these could be related to some auto immune issues . So maybe more info to follow , but for now the definate decision is to leave the tumor ( s ) alone unless they cause him issue . So far so good . The bad , Jade my little parrotlet with the large tumor in her abdomen took a turn for the worse . Tuesday night I noticed she was a little slow and breathing even harder . Last night she was not able to perch and sleep . She could still climb around and was active , but we knew she was near the end . Then today she was not looking cheery anymore so it was time . I was able to hold her as she passed at the vet and I hope she felt the love at the end . We buried her and planted a flower over her tonight . Now I am really hoping that the bad is over for a while . Just got home from Magics vet visit to a great message . Music finished his championship down in Des Moines today . I am so happy for Joyce ! Magic had 3 punch biopsies done on his nose today . He is a little bit groggy stil . He has 3 little pink cross stitches in pink on his nose . Quite stylish . Now we wait for the pathology . Both the vet and I agree if this one is not cancerous like the others we will leave it alone , as it is so large she is concerned about having enough remaining skin after removal . Plus , as they grew back so quickly , but have now seemed to stop growing , there is no guarantee that another wouldnt re - appear . So now we wait . It is really hard to get a photo of how large this tumor really is . This one grew really fast and is so large I am worried that they wont be able to remove it . The last one were firmly attached to the skin . I dont think there is enough extra skin on his face this time . He is on his way to the vet today , so think good thoughts . The vet is not happy . They took x - rays today and it appears the tumor is either growing through the bone or tightly wrapped around it . He is going back for another biopsy on Saturday . Then depending on results , we will determine next steps . If anyone has any thoughts or experiences , please share them . Posted by I also froze herbs , sweet corn , green and purple beans . We have tomatos , zuchinni and some herbs on the dehydrator . In the next couple of weeks it will be apple time , but for today I am done . Magic gulped his in 3 bites . Siren and Peace took maybe 8 bites . Grace nibbled and licked all the pink off hers first , slowly . And then crunched the rind . I would say watermelon was a success here . Now , while the dogs were enjoying theirs , David and I were making watermelon jelly , and watermelon pickles . We did a bite more preserving today too . Nice cool weather , perfect for canning . Yesterday was the clubs summer conformation show . The weather gods smiled on us , it was sunny and warm , but not killer hot . The building stayed cool and comfortable with enough breeze by the efternoon . Garretts Ava was WB and BOW for a crossover major ! Joey was WD , Picasso BOB , Jewel BOS , Peace and Barbs male were Select . Sorry I dont have a catalog to know the dogs name . It was fun watching other club members do so well too . Patti K 's boy from her recent litter was best in puppy sweeps and totally looked like the pro show dog . I enjoed the day immensely , helped Garrett a little with drying Mitcham , gate stewarding and just hanging out chatting . Today I am kicking myself for not entering the rest of the weekend . . . . . David and Siren have been going to nosework class for a month now . Well David has been going for a month . Siren was in season and missed a couple of classes , but she practiced at home anyways . Its really been fun to watch them progress in thier relationship with each other . Siren seems to really enjoy finding food in the boxes . It 's kind of funny to see the optimism in the 2 cardis in class . Both of them will search the boxes to find the treat , eat the treat and tehn continue to search , even though there has never been more than one box with a treat at a time . When it comes to food , I guess a second look is warranted ! Its been fun to be in a class with another cardi , its so rare for us . Its been kind of fun to see that Lynn 's Libby and Siren do some things very much alike . Libby loves to work with Lynn , you can see it in her eye . I like Tuesday evenings , cant wait for tonights class . OK , this really is not a huge brag or anything . I just thought it was kind of funny how so many dogs were tied for 9th place ! The funny part is the numbers behind the owner name are the number of breed points ! As you can see there are not many cardis in UKC ! However , Peace is the only one with a performance title . Cardigan Welsh Corgi 01 . GRCH Corwynt Tayken Timberline Jett Sylvia Brownlee 43 02 . GRCH ' PR ' Benever 's No Turning Back Carol Kasabian 11 03 . CH Benever 's Herring Cove William Maxim 10 04 . CH ' PR ' Benevers What Was I Thinkin Carol Kasabian 9 05 . CH ' PR ' Benever I Wanna Talk About Me Carol Kasabian 6 05 . CH Ula Mauna Hot Lickity Lips Kathryn Tanguay 6 07 . CH ' PR ' Benever 's Our Song Carol Kasabian 5 07 . CH Suncliffe Truro @ Winddancer Mary Detoma 5 09 . CH Corwynt Tayken Black Diamond Sylvia Brownlee or Michael Mac Leod 3 09 . CH Tartanwyn 's Princess Fiona Teresa K Kannard 3 09 . UWP CH Daybreake 's Peaceful Dreams Dawn Fisher 3 09 . CH Laughing Dawg 's Silver Nutmeg Teresa K Kannard 3 09 . CH Laughing Dawg 's Saigon Cinnamon Teresa K Kannard or Andrea M Riley 3 Note - I had entered Grace and Peace in conformation at the events with weight pulls as we were trying for them both to receive a total dog award . but Grace has yet to beat Peace , so only Peace earned a total dog award . . And now they are both primarily done with weight pulling so other than if we go to a show where there may be other cardigans working toward a grand they are both done in conformation . If anyone is going to Gateway please let me know . We would love to try for her Grand . Magic did great this weekend and I was really proud of him . 7 Q 's out of 8 runs , and 2 new titles - AG1 and AG2 . Yeah . Denise 's Klee Kai 's , Pixie and Kiki also earned AG1 titles . Klee Kais are very different than cardigans , but they were fun to trial and travel with . I thought the cardigans made interesting noises , Kiki and Pixie have a whole different set of vocal skills . UKC agility is very novice handler friendly and I really would recommend it to most everyone . There were several new to agility competors and they all seemed to have a great time , and who also earned a first agility title . The club down in IA held a really great trial - friendly , fun 1st place awards , new title medallions and just overall a really fun atmosphere . I am tired but very happy and relaxed . I needed a great weekend like this one . Magic and I are having a great time at the agility trial in Fort Dodge , IA . There are 2 trials each day and we were able to run in both Agility 1 and Agility 2 . 2 was up first . The unique obstacles in 2 were the pause box , the crawl tunnel , the sway bridge the plank bridge and a couple of different jumps , a picket fence , log pile and and a flower box jump . I was worried that Magic would be confused by these , but they are set up between standards so they did look like jumps and really were not an issue . The crawl tunnel was a bit confusing , having to duck and go under , but we did practice this at home a bit last week and it carried over fine . The pause box was not a problem either . So he got q 's and first places in both of those runs , but to be fair , being in the A class there was only a couple of dogs . Then we had Agility 1 , where the only odd obstacle was the hoop tunnel . Well he has run through hoops for NADAC , so this was just like several hoops together , and no problem at all . We did not Q our first run though , coming down the A frame Magic kind of stumbled and went down on his nose right at the base of the frame , which kind of flustered me , and I missed the next obstacle which was the table . He did have a bit of slipping issues today . It has been a while since he has run on wood , all the local clubs in Mpls now seem to have rubber surfaces , so that was a bit of a change for him . The next level 1 run was great though , no slipping and we Q 'd again with a first . Its been really fun to watch the new dogs , several were seeing this equipment for the first time , but all of them pretty much adapted well . The crawl tunnel is I think so far the hardestfor them . Looking forward to tomorrow to see what else new and fun we can do . So , with a UKC agility trial in just a couple of days , David and I decided to try to create some version of a few of the more unusual obstacles . Of course money being tight right now , we cobbled together some cheap , but rather effective obstacles . For the hoop tunnel , a few hula hoops tied together , for the table jump table a couple of old folding tables laying on the ground . and for the crawl tunnel , a pvc frame covered by a blanket . So far , the hoop tunnel is no problem , of course this is much shorter than a real one , but he seemed to go all the way through . The table jumps , well , he would rather just go jump than to have to sit , but we might have a chance if he decides to actually listen to me tell him to sit when in a real trial situation . The crawl tunnel well , at 8 inches is not easy for Magic , but hs is starting to understand the idea of going under the tunnel . Tonight we are going to the local park to play on the sway bridge . Maybe , just maybe we can pull out 1 Q . . . . . This next weekend Magic and I are going to try UKC agility . UKC agility is rather different than the others from what I have been reading in the rule books . Like obedience you start out with points and every error reduces your points . The obstaclkes are very different as well as the performances . For example , they have a pause table and a pause box . You choose whether your dog sits or downs . They have a variety of different jumps , log jump , water jump , window jump . One jump set up is 2 tables with a jump in between and the dog must sit on the first table , jump the bar then sit again . There is a sway bridge , a plank bridge and a crawl tunnel . All very interesting I think . Magic hasn 't seen a pause box , so we created a faux box last night and played with it . We also set up a small table jump table thing too . That may be a challenge for us , he is so eager to GO JUMP , he wants to just run up and jump . Contacts are pointed off unless your dog goes straight up and down no going off at an angle . You also can retry though like in rally and just get points off , but I do expect to get fly offs as contacts have always been an issue for us . Additionally , you can trial in both level 1 and 2 simultaneously , although if you earn level 2 first , you do not get the award until after you earn level 1 . I am truly not expecting to come home with amazing runs , its been over a year since Magic has really done much agility . But I think it will be a hoot to try these new obstacles . And if we do actually Q its just a bonus ! If we dont , heck that is OK too , we can look at it as a primer for when the UGSDA club holds thier first UKC trial here in MN . ( Hopefully next winter ? ) Trial 3 Level 1 204 Honestly Magic looked and acted like he really did not want to play today - but he 's a good boy so without any entheusiasm he did do as I asked . So as a reward we went outside and played fetch for a while . Level 2 208 Fetch helped , he was much more up and ready to work . Level 3 204 Good job on a tough course . Yes a few points but for a dog who hates heeling and a course with lots of turns and heeling I am very happy with this . Trial 4 Level 1 202 Again , on leash , not his favorite . Level 2 200 5 points off on each moving down - this judge felt he was too slow in his downs . He always tucks his foot under and does go down slower than many dogs , but he did respond right away , he just does it slow . Oh well I can live with that too . I really enjoy doing APDT trails . More than any other rally that we have played in so far . I love the difficulty and length of the courses , the married signs and the bonus exercises . Well we did it . Despite me , we did it . I was really nervous today , and I am sure Magic felt it . Trial 1 Level 1 205 Fair run but I had to give dual commands several times . His fronts were really crooked . Trial 1 Level 2 199 Better - would have been a 209 but I had him do a sit where there should not have been one , which was a 10 point handler error . Nerves I guess . I really felt shaky during this run , and really cant remember much of it I was so unnerved . Gotta work on that . Trial 2 Level 1 204 Again dual commands and a couple tight leashes . And crooked fronts . Trial 2 Level 2 209 Nice run , the bonus test was Leave dog turn and down . He took a step before he downed . I can live with that ! Then since we earned that ARCH with the 2 double Q 's , I decided to add in a level 3 run in the second trial . There we earned a 207 , which I was very pleased with . I am not sur ewhere the points off were here , but it didnt matter , the run felt so much better . Of course it did - I wnet in with the attitude that we are going to go play and he loved that ! He was much more up and happy to play . Tomorrow I am going to work on the play ! It was nice today getting to play with our fellow bloggers , and dog friends . In the air conditioning ! Everyday I receive an email with a quote for the day . They are ususally business related , but many times overlap into daily life . Like this one . I find I work much better when I am working toward a specific , attainable goal . Sure I like to dream , and I can dream BIG , but most of my goals are pretty well realistic . This weekend I hope to attain one of the goals I had set earlier this year . I wanted Magic to earn his ARCH ( APDT Rally Champion ) . At the beginning of the year , in order to reach this I knew we would have to be almost perfect in our attempts , due to the limited APDT shows in MN . We have 2 weekends a year , which is 8 trials and we needed 3 to earn his level 2 title , and then 5 QQ 's . Unfortunately that first weekend I NQ 'd us for the first time ever in APDT rally . I felt really bad about it too as we were having a great connection that run and the score would have been great , had I not misread a station sign and performed the wrong thing ! So in order to make this goal possible this year , we traveled to a trial in IA and picked up a few of the QQ 's we needed . Which means that we only need to double Q twice this weekend , but of course our scores for those Q 's need to be over 190 as well . I am hoping we can do it , and I am really hoping I can read the signs correctly ! I am pretty sure Magic will be fine , but I will be a nervous wreck . I find that the more I work for something , the more nervous I get about reaching it . I think thats normal ? Not that I have ever been accused of being normal . . . David and Siren had their first nosework class tonight . Siren really seemed to enjoy the class , but heck , what corgi wouldn 't ! She got to eat treats , lots of treats , and all she had to do was find the box ! Seriously though , I can see how this training will be a whole lot of fun , for both handler and dog . I kind of wish I were taking the class , not just being Davids backup ( since he workes retail , he cant always be off when he wants to . ) On another subject , we got my Mom all moved now . Just a few more things to be done at the house , carpet cleaning and such . Mom is mostly unpacked , but of course arranging stuff will go on for a while . Going from a large mobile home to an apartment is quite a reduction and has been a bit tough for her . But its gone well for the most part and I hope to be blogging a bit more regularly now . This weekend is the APDT trial . Magic and I are going to try to actually practice the rest of the week in hopes of earning his ARCH . I finally found a store with the right batteries for my camera . For some odd reason everyone was out ! Here is the Paw it forward package we received from Penni . Thanks again ! The dogs were tickled with the treats they got to actually eat once I got the picture taken . We are going to be looking locally for th epork pumpers they were a huge hit ! Thank you to4responders who indicated that they wanted to participate in the other post . . Although the rules say you should send to 2 responders , since I have 4 dogs playing we are going to send to all 4 . You should get an email from me today requesting an address , if you don 't , please just send it ! Both Grace and Peace earned their UWP ( weight pulling ) titles this weekend . With the heat and humidity on Saturday which was well over what I would have liked , the kids did really well . On Saturday Siren pulled 420 pounds ( 5th place ) for David , which is a huge improvement over her first attempt last month where she pretended she couldnt hear him talking to her and refused to pull at all . Grace pulled 570 earning her title and 4th place , Magic 630 for 3rd , Peace 690 for second . On Sunday it was just Magic and Peace , Magic went up to 720 for 2nd before calling it a day and Peace decided she was done at 510 for 3rd . Since David had to work and Grace had already titled they got to stay home and enjoy the limited AC our livingroom has . Both days Maggie the BC kicked our butts , with a pull on Sunday over 1000 pounds . She was awesome this weekend . Magic also did Rally the one time , completing his URO2 with a score of 92 , for second place . Really wet grass outside first thing in the morning caused just way too many interesting smells for really great scores , but hey , I have no issue with that as the horses going by actually distracted me for about a second during the run too . Peace also picked up a group 3 win and a total dog award for winning in both conformation and having a qualifying run in her weight pull . Here is a link to a photo of Peace and her ribbons . click here Yesterday I was greeted at the door coming home from work by 3 very persistant girls . Lots of rooing and hurry ups ! Mom come , Mom Look , Mom , MOM A box . It smells good mom , All 3 girls went straight from me at the door over to the table where a box stood . 3 noses pressed to said box all the while Grace woofed out the hurry up command . It didnt take more than a quick glance at the mailing label for me to see that the corgis got mail ! Once the dust settled and the package opening helpers actually let me get the box open , we were amazed at the loot the Baddogs sent us . Rope toys , a cool linking ring toy , stuffed toys , tracheas , pig hearts and treats ! WOW ! Thank you BADDOGS ! Someone left the camera on and the battery was dead , so we will take a picture of the package later and post it , assuming I can keep corgi noses away for a whole day . So a huge THANK YOU to Penni and Chase , Holmes , Leidy and Inca ! And if you would like to have a Paw it Forward package sent you , please leave me a comment . I need 2 fellow bloggers who would like to receive and send out and PAW IT FORWARD ! Leave me a comment . Well , with Magic being in healing mode , we haven 't done any training in a couple of weeks now . Zero ! Now , I am not someone who religously trains every day , but I usually do something every couple of days or so with each dog . But Magic has been on crate rest and wearing a cone . And since he is less that stellar about heeling anyways , I couldn 't see practicing a heel position with the big cone slamming into me . ( I swear , he can take you out with that head of his ) But , now his nose is much better , so last night he got to go out and work with me , and he got to have the dreaded cone off to do it . He was a happy , happy boy and he let it show . He heeled last night , head up , looking at me , focused and attentive . It was beautiful . The best heeling he has ever done ! So maybe he just needs to wear the cone and be on crate rest before every trial ? Just kidding ! But it was such pretty heeling . . . . . No cancer thank goodness . There were 2 different granulomas , but nothing the vet was worried about . If they reoccur , which is likely , it will be cosmetic . I can live with lumps as long as I know they are not dangerous for him . Prayers answered . There are a few events coming in this month that I have been planning on all year . The UKC show on the 17th and 18th and the APDT rally trial on the 31st and 1st . Entries for the UKC show need to be there by the 9th or 10th , which means I need to get them out today . I am going to go forward on the plan that Magic will be healthy , his pathology report will come back OK . I am entering him in the weight pull and the rally trial . He only needs one leg for his URO2 ( rally ) so I am just entering once . I had hoped to be able to enter all 4 rally and both obedience trials , but with the expenses of his care , I can 't really afford more . This time , next year , we will be doing ALL the events again . ( There is that Faith thing again . ) Then I know I have time before entries close for the APDT trial , but the entries are limited . I am afraid to wait to enter him , because what if he cant get in ? I know they will refund his entry fees if he is not able to work when the time comes , but I have faith that we will be OK . He is close to reaching his ARCH and I am certain he and I can do this . So I am going to send his entries and pray that he is healthy enough to play , which he should be as I refuse to consider that his pathology report will be bad . Living on Faith . Magic is tired of wearing the cone . I have been taking it off him when i can directly supervise , but he needs to be watched all the time . Yesterday with the cone on , he figured out how to hang himself off the edge of the couch and use the corner of the table to scratch at his nose . Unfortuately , since I had to stop him , I couldn 't get a picture . It was creative . What a goober . Magic is looking much better . The only swelling left is right over the location where the big tumor was attached . Unfortunately , apparently he has an ear infection . So back to the vet we will have to go tomorrow , unless the head shaking stops that is . It was a busy weekend for us . Today was day 3 of our agility trial . I am very happy to report that the trial seemed to be a success . I heard many great comments from the exhibitors . The team that put the trial together were awesome . I hope they know how much I appreciated all the work they did . Posted by Well the surgery went OK . They found 2 more small tumors on his nose so those were removed too . The large one in the middle was solidly attached to the bone , so it was difficult to remove , and required some skin removal too . She was unable to get really wide margins on the tumors , because of the lack of flesh across the nose . Tonight it is swelling in really odd ways , bulging below his eyes primarily on the right side . And a little bit of blood has been weeping out near his nose . I feel guilty , because he is miserable tonight . He can 't have another pain pill until morning either . Poor baby . Now we rest , heal and wait for results . Magic is going to see a different vet tomorrow . Its not that I don 't trust or like the vet we saw last week , but Magic is very special to me and the wait and see what it does thing makes me really nervous . I think that this clinic does a fine job , but in truth , I have never been comfortable there . I am not sure why . So yesterday I called a vet I feel very comfortable with . I sent her pictures of the lump , she did some research about possible causes , and we spoke for a while about what to do . So Magic is going to go for a visit , where we will evaluate and most likely remove this little lump , before it gets any bigger . Her clinic is about 1 . 5 hours away , so she has it set up where she can evaluate and if she does think surgery is needed , it can be done tomorrow . My biggest concern is that if this were growing could it grow into his nasal cavaties where it would be very difficult to remove . Most likely it is a small granuloma , nothing major , but if it is cancer , I do not want to give it more time to spread . I know I am a worry wart , thinking about all the worst case possibilitites . See the lump ? We don 't know what it is . We know its not a fluid filled cyst , or a piece of foreign matter , at least nothing that shows on the xray . A tumor ? An inflamation ? Its a pretty firm defined lump , so inflamation is unlikely . The vet was unable to extract anything with a needle , so we have 2 options - wait and see what it does , or have it removed now . Thoughts ? I am leaning toward NOW . Updated - Taryn asked if it was sudden or slow . Last fall / winter he had a similar lump , appeared sudden , then faded away . At the time I thought maybe spider / bug bite ? This one also appeared suddenly , but is not fading - instead it became hard , and possibly larger . And its been there now for 2 weeks , which is what made me nervous . Grace is my most interested dog . She was horrible waiting her turn . She whines , barks , leaps and makes a fool of herself in her eagerness . She pulled her way into the ring and went to work . I do think this is her calling . And I do think I need to find a way to make herding part of our training program . Posted by Or should I say Siren , NOT Herding . Siren was way too overwhelmed with this . She was not comfortable meeting Phyllis , unsure about leaving us and going with this unknown person , and WHOA hold on , there are really big things moving in here . I don 't think so ! Then she spent the rest of her time avoiding having to even glance at those big scary things over there ! This does not mean that she will never have to see them again , but we wont plan her future around herding at this time . Posted by Peace was uncertain . Interested , but not to sure about actually engaging with those things . This was about as close as she got to them , and it was very brief . On the positive side , she wasnt really afraid , just not too sure , so there is hope for the next time . First up was Magic , he was interested in the sheep and was willing to engage , but he also was interested in rolling and sniffing . He looks for encouragement a lot , in almost everything he does , so it wasn 't surprising that he wanted reassurance that he was doing right . But in all the pictures he was moving . Our weekend was super busy . Friday we had the dog show at 830 , followed by a vet visit for Magic . Who by the way does have a brain since we saw x - ray documentation of it . Then up to my mothers to help her sort and organize stuff in preparation for her move . She is moving in July from her home to a senior apartment . Which is pretty tough on her , really . Saturday morning , rent a uhaul , haul a bunch of stuff from her house to our house , a bed , couch , all her holiday boxes etc . Followed by a trip to WI to play with sheepies . Then next morning , it was into the tub for Peace , since she had to show at 1 , stop back at my moms , then home to unload and do the home chores , laundry , weed the garden and so on . Whew ! I am almost glad its monday . Almost , but not quite . I am looking at the calendar for the rest of the summer and its really hit me just how busy we are going to be ( Blue ) and how much busier we could be ( black ) ! And that I need to make some decisions on what I can do and afford ! Plus in the middle of all this my mother sold her home and is moving to an apartment so I will need to mix that in also . June 25 Cambridge dog show Conformation Peace This Saturday the NSHGC is having an instinct test . I have all 4 dogs going . Magic and Grace have seen sheep before , but the yooung girls have not . It will be fun to see how they do . There may still be an opening or two if anyone is interested . It was one of those weekends where it was busy all weekend , yet nothing really much accomplished . Yesterday was stuff around the house , shopping and garden work . Today David and I went and helped out at the agility trial , and then pretty soon we will go to weight pull practice . Nothing much to talk about , but yet a busy weekend . I hope you all ahad a bit more fun than we did ! Posted by Grace did really well at her agility class tonight . She gave me unusually focused attention , which I thought was great since it was her first night in a new class with new dogs . She did much better than I did . Even while wearing her little panties . She did her 4 pole weaves with no help from me . Good girl ! I do love this dog , but there are days where she makes me crazy . She is in season again . OK not her fault , but she gets so naughty and uppity . Bossy and refuses to listen . Independent ! Funny I offered her on facebook , but no one jumped up and cried pick me . . . . Peace was Breed today and Vegas was WD and BOS . Vegas seems to love the show ring . He was certain the judge had goodies for him today and really wanted to visit with her . What a doll . It was a small cardi entry , but it was still nerve wracking for me to go to the group . Peace wanted to run fast with the big dogs today and had a hard time moving at a trot . But overall she handled it pretty well . The Master of Karate and Friendship Award . This one really just makes me giggle , but thank you Julie ! I am going to send this on to Laura Lance and Vito at The Dogs are Really in Charge , To Garrett at his farm blog , Ransey Farms , Crystal at Reactive Champion and Sarah at The Hurrikane Chronicles . Heck everyone from my blog list should get this ! You are all wonderful ! Also , I started a new blog . Since this one has become primarily my dog blog , I thought perhaps all the other dog blog people might not be interested in the other things I seem to be wanting to think and write about . Mainly the quilting , the books I am reading , recipes and the like . Since I am just in the process of creating it , I expect many changes to happen both here and there . You are all welcome to stop on by if you like . Busy Hands , Warm Heart Grace her goal for the year was to get back to agility class . We are doing this . In addition , I guess she also is going to earn her UWP this year . 2 legs earned so far . Siren 's goal was to start obedience training . This goal has not been met yet . We have played around a bit , but not what I would call training . Based on Siren 's refusal to work for David at the weight pull , I am wondering if I should not be working with her at all . I need to re - evaluate this and have a serious discussion about her training , or lack of with Dave . Magic 's goal was to work on weight pull , earning an ARCH and working towards a CDX . We have been working on all of these , but I now need to get more focused on the obedience stuff . Overall , I am happy with our progress so far this year , but now need to get more focused on daily training time with the dogs . I think as usual it will be Magic who gets the most focus as most of my goals always seem to relate to him . Poor guy ! First up - Siren , refusing to play this game with David . We think she was looking for me as I was on the other side of the barrier with Magic . But maybe she just did not want to play this silly game . Magic my good little guy , he worked as hard as he could . It was down to him and a very sweet little border collie working for that last pull to win the class . Peace was having trouble with her last pull , she had a hard time getting it started , so I gave her a bit of help and we raced each other across the finish line . Then we went back and she was confident enough to do that same weight herself . I made this her last pull for the day since she was so successful , I wanted ehr to end happy , which I think she did , since she tried to go back to the front to do it again . I know she doesn 't look very happy but she was working hard when the picture was taken ! Posted by Today we went to the Red Pine Kennel Clubs first UKC show . We have so much fun at the UKC show , the whole family goes . Everyone cheers for everyone else , and their dogs too . 3 of the dogs qualified in the weight pull , and one chose to give its handler the brush off . ( Siren ) Peace got a group 3 , and a qualifying pull of 597 ( 19 . 9 ) which was a third place and so earned that silly total dog ribbon . Magic is in the same weight class as Peace and he pulled 813 ( 31 . 26 ) which was first in his class . Grace is in the next class and she got a second place with a pull of 620 ( 19 . 37 ) . The numbers in the parentheses are how many time body weight . There was a photographer today also , so I got a few pull pictures of Magic Grace and Siren , but she was busy and missed Grace 's pulls . I will scan those in tomorrow . Posted by Well what a busy but fun 2 days . Yesterday there were 22 cardigans entered . I am going off of memory , and I am a bit tired , so this could be wrong . Yesterday Lydia was BOB , Picasso BOS , Sully SD , Peace SB , Flip WD and Safari WB and I think BW , but gosh I am not sure . Today there were 27 , Picasso BOB and Group 4 , Toms Stewarts Dark Blue Rose , BOS , Dianas Jenna SB , One of Connies girls WB and Flip WD . I cannot remember who the select dog was . In Sweeps , all I remember was Vegas won his class . The veterans looked great too . I am just too tired after driving home . In any event , Garrett did a great job with the supported entry . It was wonderful seeing so many really nice dogs and lots of great people too . Tomorrow off to weight pull with a totally different bunch of great people . Its going to be a very busy weekend . Tomorrow morning I leave for Fargo . Peace and I are entered and are going to play Friday and Saturday , no chance of winning , but I sort of feel like when you are a member of a club , you go play at that clubs events . So since this is a supported entry we are going to go support ! Then Sunday I am going the opposite direction . We have all 4 cardis entered in the weight pull down in Le Seuer . The girls are not as ready as I would like , but I am not asking them to do more than enough to earn that first Q toward the title . For both Siren and Peace that is the large empty cart , which they have done in practice . David is going to work with Siren , so I am hoping she will listen to him and will pull for him . I am going to see if I can get Grace to pull more than once , but she will also start at with the empty big cart which is enough for her to qualify . Magic , well not sure what Magic will do . Time will tell on that one . Then Grace and Peace are also going to be entered in conformation , trying for that silly little Total Dog ribbon . Last week and this week are a bit hectic , so its been hard to get any stitching done . But I was able to get the last few hex on this one today . I like orange . It is a little odd looking because laying in the daylilly bed I couldn 't get it flat , but I liked the contract between the bright orange and white and the dark green leaves . Its not really as oddly shaped as it looks ! With 3 days of dog shows this weekend and miles and miles of driving I don 't know if I will get a whole flower done , but I will try . If you see me stitching at the dog show , come over and chat with me while I do . Vegas was a little nervous about the whole picture taking thing , but I still think he is lovely even with one foot forward ! Peace was practically dragging me around the group ring > Not a great picture but the best David could get from ringside . Posted by What a beautiful day . The weather in Minnesota today was about as perfect as possible . Sunny , warm , but comfortably so . With the busy week last week and busy weekend , we had lots of things to get done . The garden got weeded , laundry done and hung out to dry . Did a little bit of weight pull training with this dogs , getting reasdy for next weekends pull . Got the shopping done and had a wonderful family dinner . In addition we also stopped by the veterans park and honored our country 's veterans . After all without them , what would our lives be ? Thank you to all those serving our country . We are thinking of you and wishing for peace so you may return home . I want to thank you bloggers out there for the support . Music is co - owned by me but lives with Joyce . Joyce had entered him looking for the major , that did not appear . He had only been in the ring 1 day this year , back in March , so yesterday was really meant to be a practice day since next weekend there is 3 days of majors . Neither Joyce nor I truly expected him to win yesterday . I did apologize to the person who had the reserve dog today , Had I pulled Music yesterday her dog would have earned one point - but with him in her girl who won breed earned 1 more breed point . Maybe not a consolation , I dont know , but in any event I will say we did not set out to hurt anyone else by using the entry Joyce paid for . A couple of people have suggested taking this further , and I appreciate your support , but I dont think I want to have this continue . We did pull Music today , and I handled Joyces other dog , the wonderful Vegas , for her as she did not feel up to it . Today Vegas was WD , BOW and BOS , and my girl Peace was Breed . Nothing in group though . Hug your dogs , and again , Thank You .
|
I stared in the mirror at myself knowing that I would make Brian jealous . Brian and I had been officially a couple for a month but the past week he had been rather cold to me , so I was going for pay back . I had a feeling he wasn 't interested in me anymore and I wanted to show him I could live without him . Although we had only been dating a month , it still hurt that we would be breaking up . He was my first boyfriend and I had expected us to last longer than a month , it was our one month anniversary and he would learn that he shouldn 't mess with me . I had put on a black mini skirt and a tiny pink T - shirt , I normally didn 't wear clothing that was revealing but I would be that night . I knew I was pretty enough to get any guy I wanted at the bonfire that night . I brushed my blond hair out of my eyes wishing that they were blue instead of brown . I figured that someday I would get colour contacts . I grinned at myself in the mirror before spinning in a circle , I knew this was a night I would not forget . " Mom , I am making a statement tonight . " I said sighing . " Besides , I 'm eighteen now . You can 't tell me what I can and cannot wear . " I laughed . " What can you do about it ? Ground me ? Spank me ? I don 't think so , I 'm eighteen , an adult and I can do whatever I want ! " Before she could say another word , I stormed out of the house to sit on my front porch to wait for Janet . My mother always thought that she could tell me what to do but I knew that she couldn 't . I hadn 't been grounded since I was fifteen any how , not that she could ground an eighteen - year old . As for a spanking , she hadn 't done that since I was six and it barely hurt . A few slaps over my jeans and that was it , I was over it in two minutes . My father had walked out on us when I was seven and I couldn 't remember him ever hitting me . I was lost in my thoughts when someone honked a horn . I looked up to see that Janey had arrived . " Oh Judy , why are you doing this ? " Janet asked . " Maybe Brian has had a hard week , why do you automatically assume he wants to break up ? " I rolled my eyes as I opened the passenger door and got in . " Janet , you don 't know anything . You have never had a boyfriend before but you know it 's about time you got one . We are eighteen after all now . " " And I 've told you that I don 't want a boyfriend right now . I 've seen the way people act in relationships . Their school marks go down . I need top marks so I can get a scholarship and get into college . " Janet said . " Whatever , that doesn 't mean anything . I know what I 'm doing so just butt out . " I said looking out the window . Janet sighed and turned the radio up . We didn 't talk the rest of the way to Brian 's house for the bonfire . I thought about what I was going to do that night . I would act cold toward Brian first of all and I would flirt with all his friends . Don 't get me wrong , I 'm not one of those girls who gets around . I just wanted Brian to feel bad for wanting to break up with me . I was going to enjoy this night , that 's for sure . Once we got to Brian 's I got out of the car and left Janet behind . If she wasn 't going to support me in this then I didn 't want to talk to her at the moment . I headed to Brian 's back yard where a crowd of people were already talking and laughing . There was already a fire going and several people sitting around it and music blaring for the house . " Judy ? " A familiar voice said from behind me . I turned to see Brian looking at me with shock . " Why are you dressed like that ? It 's the middle of March and it 's freezing out . I 'm not complaining since you look good but still . " I regretted it right away because firstly I don 't swear and secondly I hadn 't wanted to show him any signs that I knew until later that night . I guessed it was because I felt so hurt . Brian stared at me with shock before grabbing my arm and pulling me away from everyone who was staring at us . Anger went through me . He didn 't even put up a fight . I had wanted him to tell me that he wanted to stay with me . It was our one month anniversary and he was planning on breaking up with me . I blinked back the tears and headed over to the coolers where the beer was kept . I grabbed one and went over to fire to drink it , it was a Bud Light . " I don 't do drugs . " I said . " Oh one won 't hurt you . You look upset about something and these babies always help . " I stared at the joint before looking back over at him and nodded . I stuck it in my mouth and leaned forward for him to light it for me . I took one long puff after another , once I finished the first I decided that I wanted a second one . As I took another from him though Brian showed up . His mother had done a lot of drugs and ended up in rehab for it . He didn 't like it when people did drugs and I was surprised that he was getting mad at me for it when everyone sitting around the fire was smoking joints . " They are . " I pointed out . He didn 't answered he just grabbed my arm and pulled me up . I wasn 't listening but some of what I caught was that he was going to keep an eye on me for the rest of the night . I tried to pull myself away but we were also standing in front of the fire . If I pulled away too hard , I could end up falling into the fire , I was only feeling a small buzz so I was still smart enough to let him lead me away . " Look . It 's your choice . Either come quietly with no consequences or keep fighting and I 'll teach you a lesson . Either way you are sitting on my lap for the rest of the night , and if you choose the latter you won 't be a happy camper . " I ignored his threats . He couldn 't do anything to me . I tried to run away but Brian was a big guy and he managed to grab a hold of me . We fought with a lot of people watching for about five minutes before Brian sighed and muttered something I couldn 't hear . He grabbed my waist and lifted me up onto his shoulder and headed for the house . I was still struggling and wondering why we were going inside . Brian ignored me but kept a firm grip as we headed through his back door . He walked straight through his living room and into the tiny computer where he shut the door and put me down . The room brought back a lot of memories . It was exactly a month ago that night we got together officially . We had dated a few times and I decided to visit him the one day as a friend . I had straddled his lap while he was on the computer and we had a long make out session . It was something I thought about every time I was in the room . It hadn 't exactly been romantic but it had been fun . I wondered if he was thinking the same thing as he pulled the computer chair out from under the desk . I noticed he was wearing blue jeans held up by a leather belt . He was wearing a red sweat shirt that had always been my favourite . " You don 't think it hurts ? Do you know how my dad does it ? He hits me with a leather belt on my bare bottom and I can tell you that hurts . " " But you aren 't going to use the belt are you ? " I asked nervously eyeing his belt . " And my bottom isn 't going to be bare . " " Yes it is after a while . I 'm going to give you a warm up spanking with you underwear on and then I 'm going to spank your bare bottom . It 's something you 've been deserving for a while . You act like you are all high and mighty all the time and you are rude to your mother . Maybe a spanking will take you down a peg or two . I won 't use the belt unless you give me reason to . " He answered pulling me toward him . For some reason I didn 't resist . I didn 't think a hand spanking could hurt , a belt yes but not a hand spanking . A thought came over me as he laid me over his lap . " Don 't couples only spank each other to be erotic ? " I asked as he adjusted me so that my hands were touching the ground . " I think so , but trust me I 'm not being erotic . You are getting the punishment you deserve . " He answered . He lifted my skirt up and smacked my bottom . I jumped , it did hurt and he was powerful . I automatically regretted that I hadn 't resisted . I could have run away or something , instead of talking to him . He smacked my bottom again and I yelped . He started a quick flurry of smacks . " I know . That 's why I 'm doing it . " He said smacking harder . " You shouldn 't have resisted . " He had the arm he wasn 't using to spank me wrapped around my waist because I was wriggling . His hand was on my back so I lifted my hand closest to it and grabbed a hold of his hand without thinking about what I was doing . Surprising he let me grab a hold of his hand . I kept the other hand on the ground as he continued smacking my bottom but it was really starting to hurt and I was about to cry so I reached back with the other hand to block him . " Nooo . " I said . " I can 't help it . It hurts . " I lowered my throbbing hand back to the floor . I had a feeling he had hit it with the hole punch ruler that was on the desk . " Please , I 've had enough . " He began smacking my bottom hard again before stopping . I started to cry now , it hurt with my underwear covering my bottom , how would it feel without it ? He lifted me up and put me on my feet . I watched as he reached toward his belt . " Huh ? " He said as he adjusted the waist of his jeans . I wondered why he had a belt on if it wasn 't even keeping his pants up . " Go stand in the corner , no rubbing . " " Nope . This message needs to sink in . The hardest part of a spanking is waiting . " He said . " Anyway , I want to talk about earlier . Why were you so angry with me ? " I couldn 't see his face and was glad that I couldn 't . I had a feeling I had made a mistake though , and I also had a feeling that he wanted to take me in his arms . I wished he would forget the second part of the spanking . " I 'm not planning on breaking up with you . " He said . " Today is our one month anniversary , I was planning on doing something special with you but then you had to pull this stunt . Why would you think that ? " I heard him walk away and then sit on the chair . He didn 't say any more and I started sobbing hard , why couldn 't he just start spanking me now ? My bottom was throbbing and I wanted to go home because I was embarrassed . Thank goodness the window was shut so that no one could hear the spanking . I just hoped no one was in the house . I turned and hurried back to him . He had taken his belt off . I started crying harder now , maybe I shouldn 't have told him that he was cruel . Now he was going to use the belt . I climbed back over his lap . Before he could wrap his arm around my waist , I grabbed his arm with one hand and his hand with the other . He left his arm wear it was and instead put his leg over mine after he pulled down my underwear . He lifted my skirt up and I waited for the belt to hit my bare bottom . SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! Are you going to smoke a joint again ? " SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! " Because , OW ! It hurts you to see me do that - " SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMAAAAAAAAACK ! " OOOOW ! " I wailed at the last one . " And it could ruin my life ! " I sobbed out the last part . " Nooo , I 'll ask what 's going on next time ! " I yelled . SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! He started hitting my sit spots hard now . " Are you going to listen next time ? " He asked . SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMAAAACK ! The last one hit my thigh hard . SMAAAAAAACK ! The next one my other thigh . " Ooooow ! " I yelled . " I 'll listen next time ! " SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! " Nope . " SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! " Besides your skirt is awfully short and people will see your red bottom . I think you 're better of sitting on me unless you want them to know what happened to you . " He said . SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! SMACK ! He delivered the last flurry to my thighs and continued on . I let go of his arm and shoved my hand in my mouth because I wanted to scream . He smacked my thighs and bottom for what seemed like five more minutes before stopping . He let go of my hand and used both of his hands to massage my bottom . I cried hard and he let me lay over his lap while he stroked my bottom . " I care about you a lot . I had a bad week this week but you 've helped me through it . This past month has been the happiest for me because you have been with me . " He said . He lifted his leg and stood me up . My skirt fell into place . I pulled my underwear back up and winced as they touch my bottom . He lifted me up and sat me on his lap and hugged me close to him letting me sob on his shoulder . When I quieted down , he stood me up and took my hand . We left the computer room , no one was around . He took me into the bathroom and ordered me to wash my face . After I was done that he took me back outside . Everyone was at the fire now just talking . He led me over to an empty chair and pulled me on his lap . I didn 't understand it but I felt excitement after that spanking , for some reason I wanted another one . It was very painful and my bottom throbbed but I wanted him to do it again . I tried to adjust my self so that my bottom wasn 't touching his leg but he wouldn 't have it . Any time I moved he put me right back on a leg so I could feel the full effects of the spanking . " You just wait . " I told him . " I 'm going to be watching you closely and if you do something wrong it will be you in this position . " " Are we going to make this an occasional thing then ? " He asked . " You 'll spank me or I 'll spank you if we do something wrong ? " " Are you telling me you liked that ? " He asked giving me a funny look . " If so , I 'm more then willing to do it every day . " I didn 't go home that night , I slept over at his house and we cuddled all night in bed just talking . We didn 't sleep a second , we just enjoyed each others company while we hugged each other close . When I got home though I hugged my mother and apologized for treating her the way I had been before taking a long nap . A week later Brian skipped school so he was getting it from me . I didn 't like it when my friends skipped and Brian was in college . He was paying for it and didn 't need to be wasting his money by skipping . He will never do it again by the time I 'm finished with him . Advertisements Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
|
It started off slamming Pittsburgh calling it the " City that Self Awareness Forgot . " It went on to say that when talking to a Pittsburgher , " You have to listen to a litany of the most banal , mundane accomplishments in the history of human civilization . " Obviously the author of this post , whom I will address later , obviously doesn 't realize that some things are said jokingly ; like our particular method of making left turns . " They are really proud of their rivers too , even though only one is of any consequence . " I had to laugh at that one . While the rivers may not see the same commerce traffic of the steel era , they were what made Pittsburgh the industrial mecca of its time . All 3 rivers were packed with barges carrying coal , iron ore , steel , grain and livestock and on and on . The rivers are also the reason that Pittsburgh is known as the City of Bridges . This was because during WWII Pittsburgh was a prime target for the enemy , because of the Steel manufactured here for use in military weapons and vehicles . The large number of bridges insured that even if one was bombed , there would still be more to insure the commerce could continue . Let 's not forget that Pittsburgh is one of the leading City 's in medical research and development . " Pittsburghers love to tell you about how great they are at waving towels , as if in the thousands of years humans have been drying themselves off , no one ever thought to spin one above the head until a bunch of Yinzers did it . " Once again , a small guffaw escapes my lips . Ok , here is the history of the Terrible Towel . It was invented by Myron Cope , the color commentator for the Pittsburgh Steelers , in preparation for the 1975 playoffs . Cope wanted a symbol for all the fans to rally behind . It worked because in 42 years the Terrible Towel is the only " gimmick " that has been constant in any sports venue . I mean , what does Nashville have ? Dead catfish and a Country Music Super Star to sing the National Anthem ? Which by the way was flat and pitchy . But I digress . Before you slam a Pittsburgh sports tradition , which by the way , every other sports team attempts to copy , maybe you should learn a little more about it . Such as , The Terrible Towel is 42 years old . Myron Cope signed the copyrights over to the Allegheny Valley School . This School is a series of campuses for people with severe mental and physical disabilities , of which Myron Copes son is one . That means all the profits go directly to the " They are very proud of having drafted Sydney Crosby for their beloved Penguins , a Team most of them didn 't know they had until 1984 , then forgot all about until 2005 . " The writer of this piece says there was some flim flammery involved in getting Crosby . He sites some shady drafting process because of the NHL cancelling the 2004 season and Pittsburgh was awarded the # 1 Draft in 2005 . But if Nashville would have been granted the # 1 draft there wouldn 't be an issue . Oh wait , that 's right , The Nashville Predators weren 't even a gleam in the NHL 's eye in 2005 . I also believe that if the NHL hadn 't given Nashville the equivalent of a participation award by awarding them a franchise , they wouldn 't have been able to attract one on their own . Now they go on to say that Pittsburgh was awarded the # 1 draft pick in 2003 and that wasn 't on the up and up . With that draft they chose Marc - Andre Fleury who , according to this well informed writer , " has since become best known for getting replaced by literally anyone within earshot of the Pittsburgh bench during the playoffs . " Let 's see , drafted in 2003 . It 's now um , 2017 . I make that 14 years in the NHL . I imagine he might have lost a step or two in that amount of time . But let 's not forget , when Matt Murry was injured at the beginning of the playoff , it was Fleury who was phenomenal and kept them in the playoffs . I must laugh at anyone from Nashville wanting to point out any type of chicanery in the NHL . I guess the writer hasn 't watched any of the Stanley Cup Finals . Games one and two were some of the worst acting since , well I 'm not sure since when . To watch the Predators player 's taking dive after dive during the first 2 games , it reminded me of the first Mighty Ducks movie when Coach Bombay wanted District 5 to play act to draw penalties . To watch PK Subban cry and hold his shoulder after a legal check was pitiful . Maybe he should learn from Oli Matta who took a slap shot off of his ankle to block a shot but kept playing . Or even Pekka Renne who was flailing around at times after barely being brushed by legal contact . Now let 's add the officiating . I guess the only reason so many calls are missed by the officials is because Seeing Eye dogs can 't skate . For the announcers who clearly hate Pittsburgh to comment on how obviously one sided the officiating is , maybe it is true . Even Carrie Underwood , married to Captain Mike Fisher of Nashville , said pretty much the same thing about the officiating . For a player to be standing in front of the and can 't make a play on the puck is ridiculous . Is it because of poor skills , bad positioning ? Maybe it 's because PK Subban has his arms wrapped around Sidney Crosby and he can 't even lift his stick . However , the officials did prove they knew what holding was because it was called several times against Pittsburgh in game 3 . Actually , most of the penalties have been called against Pittsburgh the entire playoffs . They like to make fun Pittsburgh for putting cole - slaw and fries on a sandwich . He makes fun of it but there are many copies of the Primani 's sammich . Even Nashville copy 's it . How do I know ? I was stationed at Fort Campbell Kentucky from 1987 to 1989 and spent lot 's of time in Nashville . The writer closes with this stream of pointlessness but I thought I would include it . " Like many teams , the Pens reflect their city well . A handful of supremely gifted artisans surrounded by a bunch of workaday salarymen , coming together to produce impressive , if ultimately prosaic accomplishments . Sure , a 100 - foot I - beam looks great … for an I - beam . But give us the raucous rowdiness of a canyon of gold instead . If Flashdance taught us anything , it 's that dancing is more fun than steel mills . And even Jennifer Beals - Pittsburgh 's most famous cultural export , even though she 's from Chicago - is pulling for Preds . " I laugh at the comment regarding the raucous rowdiness of a canyon of gold . Pittsburgh is the home of rowdiness and gold , Black and Gold to be precise . Once again , another Johnny - come - lately sports franchise to copy Pittsburgh . In my last point I wanted to say something about the writer . Unfortunately it was written by , and I quote , a " Committee of Hockey Insiders " which might just be code for not wanting to attach your name to this . I honestly can 't blame them . I wouldn 't want to take credit for what was written in an attempt to take away from Pittsburgh exactly what they are ; A city of industry , a city that is culturally diverse , leading the way in technology , leading the way in medical advances , a City rich in deep history , more movies shot in this region then Nashville and oh , yeah , THE CITY OF CHAMPIONS ! ! ! Below I included A link to the original article . All it really is pure jealousy … Geeze , and they call ME crazy … I know by the title some of you are rolling your eyes and wondering what rambling incoherent post I have for you today . Well my dear readers , it is about change . All of us experience change in some form or another at some point in our lives . It can be great big , wholesale changes or something small . Nonetheless , it happens to us all . Some changes are good and some are not but change is important to keep everything moving along . One of the things to consider is changing your way of thinking . I know that sometimes it is easier said then done . We have been programmed a certain way and have spent most of our lives thinking the way we do . Some people are passive - aggressive manipulating narcissists . Others get controlled by them and don 't even realize they have allowed their thinking to become re - wired to believe what they are being told . I read a book called " No More Mister Nice Guy " by Dr . R . A . Glover . In it he explains how the " Nice Guy " acts a certain way based on things either from their past or current surroundings . You say , " No way , " but it happens every day . This is where changing your thinking is so vital . Like Einstein said , " We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them " . So now you are sitting there thinking there is no way possible to change something you have done your entire life . I am here to tell you that it is possible . I work at it everyday . Mental health sometimes requires a spring cleaning of the mind , if you will . I don 't mean go and see a hypnotist to change your thoughts , you have to do the work yourself . Take a break from the daily grind . It helps if you have some free time to yourself . Maybe when the kids are at school and the spouse is at work . You might need pad and paper as well , but you need to make a mental inventory . What is going on in your head ? What is causing you the most problems ? Where does the majority of your stress lie ? It might not be as simple as doing it yourself . Sometimes a licensed therapist may be in order . If you don 't think that will work for you , maybe your priest or pastor . Sometimes just talking to someone is a great way to root out what is going on . Changing your way of thinking is not a simple one time effort . It might take weeks , months or even longer . A positive mindset is so important . If you can find positive things to think about the other thoughts are not right in the forefront . To that end , if a stressor in your life is perhaps a sick or dying loved one , instead of thinking of all the negatives associated with the situation try to focus on the positives . Let 's say , for instance , your child has the chicken pox . Instead of worrying that they are going to miss school or how sick they feel , try focusing on the fact you were able to have the time off of work to take care of them . Or you had a grandmother or grandfather who was able to help you . Or say you have a loved one in Hospice with terminal cancer . You could say how pitiful it is to watch someone die like that or on a positive side you could say you were thankful there was something available like this to help them in their final days . I 'm not saying look at everything with rose - colored glasses but you also don 't have to see doom and gloom in absolutely everything . Having a loved one die from cancer is certainly not pleasant , for them or for you , but you also have to think about how your approach to a situation affects other people . If we give off a positive vibe , others will pick up on it . If you have trouble trying to change your mindset to something positive , surround yourself with positive people . Negativity breads negativity and the same can be said for positive thinking as well . Instead of looking at the glass as half empty or half full , be thankful there is something in it at all . Sometimes removing stressors completely could be the answer . I know once I started changing my thinking and removing stressors I began to feel better almost instantly . My health began to improve and I was feeling better all around . I joined a gym and I try to go at least 2 days a week . I started helping my friend and his son build demolition derby cars over the summer . Alan , who had been my friend for 35 years , asked me to come up and help them out . Once I started to get active with my health and my past - time activities I could feel myself feeling so much better . Some people are destined to feel like they are nothing because of mistakes they have made . We all make mistakes , we are all human . Don 't ever believe that you are less than something special because of mistakes . Don 't let people keep reminding you of mistakes either . Just because they can 't move on doesn 't mean you need to be stuck in the past . We are not perfect . We are human . Change your thinking to become more positive in your thoughts and actions . Becoming more positive is a great way to feel better . Surround yourself with positivity . Seek out your friends . Be willing to do what you have to do to make positive changes in your life . Some people are happy making others miserable . They spend their lives doing it . Geeze , and they call me crazy . Well , here we go again . The New England Patriots are embroiled in yet another scandal . From stealing other team 's signals to secretly video - taping the Rams final walk through practice just before Super Bowl XXXVI . The Cheatriots , oops , I mean Patriots are now accused of playing Sunday 's AFC Championship game with under inflated balls . Some might say oh that 's no big deal . Well , actually it is . Game balls should be inflated somewhere around 13psi . 11 of 12 were found to be at least 2 psi under - inflated . This makes the ball easier to throw and catch , especially in wet conditions like last Sunday 's game . The little trick wasn 't discovered until the Colts intercepted a pass . The player , knowing something was wrong immediately gave the ball to his equipment manager and notified his coach as to irregularity with the ball . Coach Belechick was fined in 2007 for secretly taping opposing team 's sideline signals . I mean , I never thought Belechick was a great coach by any means , but to blatantly cheat to win ? What message are you sending to anyone / everyone ? Well , when your owner is good buddies with the commissioner what sanctions should we be looking at ? Goodell is in a quandary . When he blew the Ray Rice investigation , Patriots Owner Robert Kraft and other Patriots came out in support of his mishandling . There also seems to be a question as to what should be done . I mean Dan Rooney , who helped get Goodell elected was fined shortly after in 2006 for saying the refs in the Steelers - Falcons game should be ashamed of themselves . So now , does Goodell hammer the Patriots ? Hmmm , that 's a mystery . He impresses me as a guy with no loyalty so I would hope he hits the Patriots hard . I am comfortable in the knowledge that the Patriots won 't be excluded from the Super Bowl for cheating , I mean really ? They may not even know their fate until after the big game , but I feel that serious sanctions should be handed down . Nice message to relay to our kids . Go ahead and cheat in sports kids . If your mom , dad , coach or school is a favorite of the governing body , you 'll get away with it . I mean Brady is a professional ball - baby and Belechick a well known cheat and Kraft a well know suck up . Does anyone see anything of any substance happening to the Cheatriots ? They will go to the Super Bowl and if Las Vegas decides , they will win and nothing will change . This sucks for those fans of football to have to sit through yet another Roger Goodell mess . I 'm sure he and the Patriots will buy their way out of it . Geeze , and they call ME crazy … It started with the shooting of Michael Brown in Ferguson . And unarmed , black teen was shot by a white officer . The media fixated on the race side of the story and pounded it out that way . All you heard was that a white cop shot an unarmed , black teen . Then they keep on with the unarmed angle . It of course sparked race riots all over Ferguson . They somehow missed the fact he had just robbed a convenience store minutes before meeting up with officer Darren Wilson , then allegedly assaulted officer Wilson . Then take Michael Brown 's Step - father , Louis Head . After the Grand Jury decision was announced , he stood on top of a car and announced ; " Let 's burn the mother fucker down ! Burn this bitch down " Gee what happened next ? It doesn 't really take a deep thinker to figure it out . Do we really need to recap ? NO . They really followed his instructions well . It is a shame . The media then helped feed the fire and it kept growing and growing . The media NEVER said there was any checkered past for young Mr . Brown . But then go figure . It 's not a good story if there is not drama attached ? I mean , let 's face it . The media put officer Wilson in danger . It was 2 Fox news reporters I believe who published his home address . Really ? The drama the media caused in Ferguson wasn 't enough ? They wanted to exact their own justice ? Then there is Eric Garner . The unarmed , black man put in a choke hold by a white NYPD officer when he resisted arrest selling illegal lose cigarettes . Officer Daniel Pantaleo put Garner in a choke hold when Garner told police ; " Don 't touch me . " Now the NYPD doesn 't allow the " choke hold " but a legal expert for ABC News said that doesn 't make it illegal . Now the media of course has blown it all the place but I have to say that while some blow hard 's are trying to link the two cases , I think there are big differences . Michael Brown had a record and many questionable pictures that the family tried to keep hidden . Eric Garner was a married father . He had no record . True , he was selling illegal cigarettes but I don 't really think it required all of those officers to lay the smack down on him . Now for that officer to be indicted I have a little trouble with that outcome . Not saying he was guilty by any means but I just really think they are two different situations . Now for last piece of the media puzzle . I started this piece by saying how the media spins stories to create more drama then needed and how they try to skew the story away from the truth . To prove this point I will mention the Eastern Derry Twp . Volunteer Fire Department . They had their doors shut back in August of 2014 . See News Report . The local news ran a couple of stories because the fire fighters from that department said that they didn 't a grant from the local township to buy insurance for their vehicles . Unfortunately , The failed to tell the whole truth . They had failed their most recent audit and then had to answer for missing money . The media tried to lay the sympathy angle on this story but of course , once the truth came out in it 's entirety , there has not been another story regarding this at all . The right thing would have been to say that more information has been uncovered and so on and so fourth . Instead , the media just walked away from it . I think the media should try and tell the truth when reporting stories . All the truth . From Ferguson to New York and even here in our little piss - ant area . The media needs to tell the entire story and make the news about the truth . If there is a case when more information is found that might change the story , the media should have enough integrity to change the story to report the truth . All of these media outlets say they report fair , honest and accurate news . My ass . Just what I have mentioned here today proves they don 't . Geeze , and they call ME crazy On 7 - 9 - 14 at 0709 , the hustle and bustle of our morning was gone . A 16 - year - old student went on a stabbing rampage at Franklin - Regional High School in Murrysville Pa , less than 20 miles from where I live . By 0730 it was over and the actor was in custody ; although 24 people were injured . Now , I can go on with facts , figures and statements made by officials . Having been involved in Emergency Services for 23 years I can tell you that those that they pick to interview usually have no business giving any information . It might be their job to be the Public Information Officer ( PIO ) for their area ; Police , Fire , EMS ; but one thing is for sure ; be prepared . Oh yeah , and try not to act like it 's a pain in your ass to give out any information . I saw at least one official who had an attitude with reporters during a press conference . Okay , off of that . It is what it is and it will never change . Some people don 't care what they 're talking about as long as they are in front of a camera . How about the students ? All of them , even the ones not injured in the attack , will have memories of this tragic event for a long time , if not for the rest of their lives . From all accounts it sounds like the suspect walked in to school carrying two 8 inch knives and just started walking down a hallway , stabbing and slashing as he went . I hear a lot of why , like why did this happen . I am left with how . How did this student get not one , but 2 knives in to school seemingly undetected ? Franklin - Regional has several security guards and a School Resource Officer ( SRO ) as well . The SRO is a police officer with the Murrysville Police Dept . At 0709 he radioed that he had a situation at the High School . The following is a transcript of the initial radio traffic : " I was just going to recommend that also . Police are advising scene 's not secure . They do have multiple victims , 225 's unavailable . Do you want 952 ? " " I 'm at the front door , to the first hallway on the right , halfway down . I 've got multiple victims here . We need ambulances here as soon as possible . " " OK , be advised , inside the school we have multiple stab victims , OK ? So just bring in EMS from wherever you can get ' em . Get us some local officers here also and , again , the suspect is in custody , but we need some help here . " Back to the " How ? " Did Franklin - Regional have medical detectors ? No . Was the student with the knives even seen by security guards or the SRO ? don 't know . What I do know is that there was no way to know that this student was bringing weapons into the school . Everyone thinks that they are safe and have the attitude that ; " That would never happen to us here … " Well , sadly , Franklin - Regional has joined with Columbine and Sandy Hook . We feel secure that our children are safe and we could never experience anything like this but we have learned that hard way that we are all susceptible to tragedies like this one . The School Superintendent was asked about bullying and he said that the subject hadn 't mentioned anything about bullying . Then he was asked how bad the bullying was at the school . Once again , a diffusive answer . The reporter then stated that several students had stated that bullying was a huge problem at the school . The Superintendent then became obviously irritated and refused to answer . Was it worth not answering to admit that your school is no different from any other school in the country or the world ? All he stated was that there were resources available for students being bullied . He didn 't state if the suspect had sought assistance from any of these resources or not . Several students have stated that the suspect was bullied because of acne and general things but the school is remaining tight - lipped on any of it . In the end , this is not about assigning blame or any of that . It 's about supporting the students and school are remembered and assisted in any way we can . The students involved need our support as well as their families . Let 's also not forget about the suspect himself . He needs support as does his family as we all try to make sense out of this . Throwing blame around at whose fault it is would be counter productive but it will inevitably happen … And the call ME crazy … I was granted a rare opportunity over the weekend . I was asked to interview Kim Jong - un , the dictator of North Korea . I was apprehensive at first because it has been 23 years since I set foot in Korea and back up at Panmunjom . I accepted and called my Uncle Duff . He was the one who got me started in blogging and used to host a blog called " One Man 's Tofu . " He said I should take the chance because it will probably be the only chance the American People have to hear from him on the situation going on there . He reminded me to take his interview kit with me so I would have a good trip . So armed with my pad and pencil , a bottle of 20 - year - old , single malt scotch and a package of Nutter Butters , I left for the airport . When I arrived in Seoul it almost felt like I never left . I was met by a representative from our Embassy there and escorted to a secure area for a briefing before the 45 minute ride up MSR 3 ( Military Supply Route ) for my interview . I was cautioned to not say anything that could escalate the current situation but then I was asked to try and gather any intel I could . Not escalating the situation might be hard for me with my propensity to be a smart ass but agreed and was taken out to a waiting car . When we arrived at Panmunjom , I was escorted to the very room where the cease - fire was signed some 61 years ago and I visited 24 years ago in the winter of 1989 . Armed guards from both the North Korean Army and Republic of Korea ( ROK ) were stationed outside the doors . A white line ran down the middle of the room to designate the 38th Parallel and signify the division between north and South Korea . There was a large oak table in the middle of the room with a chair on the north and south side of the table . I of course was seated on the southern side . I was nervous as I sat there . I opened my notebook and put my pencil out . I set the bottle of scotch and Nutter Butters out as well . I was fidgety as I waited . I folded my hands neatly and sat there waiting . The door opened up on the Northern end of the room and in walked a portly little fella roughly about 4 ' 10 " . I stood up , trying to remember my diplomacy and extended my hand . " Sir , it is a great honor , " I said . He looked me over , up at me actually , and shook my hand . " It is a preasure to welcome you , " he replied . I noticed they had discreetly placed 3 books on his chair so he could see over the table . I opened the package of Nutter Butters and offered them to him . He took his share and slid the package back to me ; with three left in it . " Sir , " I said , " Would you like a drink ? " I motioned towards the bottle of scotch . " What you got ? " he asked . " A 20 year - old bottle of scotch , " I said . " Hooch ? " he asked . I smiled and felt the hair on the back of neck stand up . Hooch . It was better than the Soju they try and pass off as booze . Anyhow , with the pleasantries over with , it was time to get down to business . Kim Jong - un - ( Through a mouthful of Nutter Butters ) Me not worried what others think . Me running this prace , not the U . N . Hey , that my name . ha ha ha ha . He took a swig of scotch , belched , and continued . Your Plesident Balack Obama think he can treaten us with sanctions , he clazier then he rooks . As he spoke , little cookie bits were flying everywhere . It was like standing beside the discharge of a lawnmower while you were running it over a gravel driveway . I put my glasses back on more for safety then vision . He took another swig of scotch , finished it , and then banged it on the table for a refill . Apparently I was not only acting as an interviewer but a bar tender as well . I filled his glass and patiently waited for a response . He took another swig . Kim Jong - un - I not terring you . You will just have to see the awesome power of our weapons . We have a contlact with a good weapons maker and he not messing alound . It cost us rearry big money . We show the world . ATCMC - Okay , okay , calm down sir . I didn 't mean to upset you . Now , I have heard rumors that the North Korean Air Force isn 't a threat . Kim Jong - un - Well , I not aporogizing . You have to deal with it . Now to show you I not a bad guy , I want you to join me for runch . As we were talking his lunch arrived . There was enough food there to feed a small country . There was seafood , kimchi , noodles and vegetables and some kind of meat . I assumed it was the dog hit earlier . I graciously declined any of the offerings . He looked at me and said , " This mine runch , you say you not hungly . " I watched in horror as this little fella mowed through the food set before him like Chuck Norris through an entire brigade of commies . I 'm pretty sure he ate the Nutter Butters wrapper and empty scotch bottle as well since I couldn 't find them when he was done . When he finished he pushed all of the empty plates and dishes to the side , and snapped his fingers . Two men came in and scurried around the room gathering up the empties from his lunch . He sat back in his chair and belched . Then he farted and acted like it was the funniest thing ever in the world . I cleared my throat and got ready to ask more questions . He stirred in his chair , almost falling off the books he was sitting on . He got a strange look on his face . I wasn 't sure what was going on until he leaned to one side again and , um depressurized yet again . He sat back in his chair and smiled . " False ararm , " he said . " Is everything okay ? " I asked . " Yes , no probrem , " he answered . " No probrem " my ass . The room smelled like the dumpster at a slaughterhouse in August . Nonetheless I pressed on because the hour was getting late and I wasn 't sure how much more time I would be granted . Kim Jong - un - That is right . Rike I say before . We have new Weapons factory working for us and we have good maker . The missile is best money can buy . Kim Jong - un - You not need to worry who helping us . All you need worry about is when we strike . Like a cobra . But now I must ask you question of my own . Kim Jong - un - Thank you but it is getting rate , I must be going , time for dinner soon . And prease don 't take our missile program rightry . We are a nuclear super power . You just don 't go around thinking you better than us . We not messing around . Kim Jong - un - Yes , yes , good hooch . I rike the cookie too . You must tell me where to get them . I think it onry fair . We give you Ramen , you give us cookies . I asked a few more questions but Kim Jong - un was becoming uncooperative . Apparently since it was 45 minutes since he ate last he was getting hungry and cranky . He stood up and climbed down off of his chair . He did not shake my hand or say anything else as he left . I was glad I made the trip now just so I could discover what a tool bag he really was . The third one of this family to be in control of North Korea and just as effed up as the other 2 . The third generation cuckoo doesn 't fall too far from the tree . I realize now that people like Kim Jong - un is what is wrong with the world . They are bent on world domination instead of everyone working together . I also want to take this time to send a prayer out to Boston where they had the bombing near the end of the marathon yesterday . Too many crack - pots out there and all they are doing is turning the world to shit . Kim Jong - un is just another mental midget in a line of thousands . Geeze - o - man , and they call ME carzy … Kim Jong Un , the latest hater of the United States is threatening to launch a nuke at America . Really ? Get in line behind every other country that hates the USA and threatens to nuke us off the map . Un succeeded his father who overdosed on Ramen and Kimchi in December of 2011 . No , seriously , his father died of natural causes . Un is not the oldest of his father 's sons but he got the job anyway . ( The brothers were probably too smart to take it ) . He says they have a serious nuke program and will be ready to launch a strike soon . Maybe , but I bet all your missiles say " Made in Japan " on them somewhere . This is not a stable man by any stretch of the imagination . So should we take this as a joke or be worried . Because he is a few fries short of a Happy Meal , I wouldn 't say worried is right word . Pensive , Alert , Cautious are probably better words . Our own government is more of a threat to us then this little fella . Now for a little history lesson . Way back in February of 1989 , yours truly was stationed on the DMZ in this very Guard Post . This is Guard Post Collier , approx 2 Kilometers from Panmunjom where the Cease Fire was signed way back in 1952 . Yes , I said cease - fire . There was never an agreement to end the war signed . Technically , we have been at war all this time . Obama said we will go to war if we have to . Really , like anyone cares now when we say that . I think we need stiffer penalties then crushing them again like we did 61 years ago . Let 's take Oodles of Noodles , and DaeWoo and Kimchi out of our stores and that will fix them . I mean really . We sent a fleet over there as a show of force . If Mr . Miagi would try to launch a missile , it will be shot out of the sky . His bigger concern should be his haircut . I mean what is it about the crack pots bent on world domination . Hitler , Mussolini , Saddam Husein , John Kerry , they all had really bad haircuts . In all truthfulness , there should be a certain amount of fear because ANYTHING is possible . We never dreamed 9 - 11 could happen and guess what , It Did ! After all , its our own damn fault . We play kissey face with these countries and they are just biding their time until they get the opportunity to turn on us . I mean why don 't we stop sending them money and let them hate us for free . We always want to stick our noses in where they don 't belong and look what it gets us . Obama threatened action if Kim Jung Un continued with his plans to begin a nuke program again . Well B - Dawg , where 's the action ? A fleet positioned off the coast is like hanging a Beware of Dog sign in your front window . After a while , When you don 't see the dog , you know it was a bunch of bull . Ask my daughter . I threaten to punish her or ground her when she misbehaves , she knows it ain 't gonna happen . Un knows it too . Obama just started getting us out of one war , does anyone really think he wants to go into another one ? South Korea has an Army , why do we need to hold their hands , again ? We need to be cautious but we should also expect other countries to handle their own problems … I mean really . Here is my solution for all of this … The speed of the verdict surprised Smyrnes ' lawyer Mike DeRiso . " It came back faster than any of us anticipated , " he said . Really ? I didn 't think it was a real stretch to find him guilty . This writer believes that what these people did to Ms . Daugherty , the mentally challenged woman who was befriended by these monsters , is incomprehensible to anyone with an ounce of compassion . DeRiso felt that the jury would come back with a guilty verdict for second - degree murder not first . Oh well . Maybe there are people who think and believe like the rest of society does and after hearing the pure misery , terror and pain Ms . Daugherty suffered at the hands of these six monsters , couldn 't find any result other than guilty of first - degree murder . DeRiso himself did his best to lay the ground - work for an insanity plea when he was talking to the press . He said that Smyrnes is " nuts " when he 's off his meds . Since Tuesday is the penalty phase of the trial , Smyrnes ' mental capacity and criminal history will be at issue . Insanity is a common plea since you can 't find someone " bat - shit crazy " you have to say insane . It is the more politically correct way to say it . No matter how you slice it they will be going balls to the wall to try and spare him the death penalty . It 's what defense attorney 's do . Do I agree with it ? We 'll leave that one alone . I think all of the " Greensburg Six " should get the needle but that choice is not up to me . Then there is our state of Pennsylvania . While they re - instituted the Death Penalty they haven 't used it since 1999 when Gary Heidnik took the lethal injection for killing and eating his victims and feeding them to the others he held captive . What I truly believe is that if the great state of Pennsylvania is never going to execute another death row inmate then let 's do away with the death penalty all together . What is the point of ceremoniously sentencing someone to death to never execute them . Then to allow these cretins to file appeal after appeal does nothing but clog our justice system and cost the Commonwealth millions of dollars to put these convicted killers back on trial again and again . Lesko and Travaglia of Westmoreland County are the poster children of countless appeals . The have had somewhere around 15 appeals between the two of them since their 1981 " Kill for Thrill " spree in Pittsburgh , Armstrong , Indiana and Westmoreland Counties where their victims included a female who picked them up hitchhiking , a police officer shot down in cold blood and a church organist who they beat and drowned in an Indiana County Park Lake . Kevin Foley , the disgraced PA State Police Trooper , was convicted of the 2006 murder of his girlfriend 's estranged husband John Yelenic in his Blairsville home . Yelenic was beaten , stabbed and his throat was slashed so savagely he was almost beheaded . Foley was tied to the murder by bloody foot prints and security camera footage from a nearby convenience store . He too is filing appeal after appeal although he was not convicted to die he was still sentenced to life in prison . Pennsylvania has what it called Post Conviction Relief Act ( PCRA ) . Once an inmate has been convicted and sentenced , they are granted one appeal . For some reason the legal system allows for appeal after appeal after appeal . Apparently being found guilty umpteen times is still grounds for an appeal . My point is simple though . No matter what the crime is there should only be a certain amount of appeals before they are out . I mean really , how many times do Lesko and Travaglia need to be found guilty and sentenced to death before the courts realize ; " Hey , these guys might really be guilty … " The bottom line is simple ; We need to change sentencing guidelines and limit the number of appeals someone can have . Two other members of the infamous " Greensburg Six " have already been tried and convicted . Melvin Knight was convicted and sentenced to death late last year and Angela Marinucci was convicted and sentenced to life in prison . Since she was under 18 at the time of the crime she was not eligible for the death penalty . Now Ricky Smyrnes will wait for the same jury that convicted him of his crimes to decide the outcome of his sentence . A second defense attorney Terrence Faye will argue that Smyrnes is mildly retarded . The same argument Mr . DeRiso made at trial on Thursday during his closing . Under the law , mentally challenged people can 't be put to death . Does that mean they can be kidnapped and murdered ? DA John Peck argued that Smyrnes knew exactly what he was doing . During his closing Peck described him as a conniving schemer who incited his 5 roommates , including his girlfriend Angela Marinucci , to hold Daugherty captive for two days while beating and torturing her . Peck said it was Smyrnes who held a " Family Meeting " to take a vote on whether or not Daugherty should live or die , then ordered co - defendant Melvin Knight to kill her with a knife . Peck then said Smyrnes pitted Marinucci against Daugherty in a bid for his affection in what amounted in a twisted love triangle . Then Marinucci and the other assholes , sorry , accused , then ganged up on Daugherty and killed her according to the prosecution . As I end this I am glad to see that so far Westmoreland County DA John Peck is 3 for 3 . These people need to pay for what they did to a woman with mental disability is unbelievable . While I think that life in prison is too good for these pieces of shit , sorry , that was insensitive , The final judgement is God 's . The judge in the court room has judged them and now there is only one judgement left . " Vengeance is mine says the lord … " Although I say ; " An eye for an eye … " Well here we go . Super Bowl 47 is set . The San Francisco 49ers Will face the Baltimore Ravens . It has been dubbed " Harbaugh Bowl " . I call it the battle of the ball bags . The Harbaugh Brothers are known throughout the NFL for crying to the officiating staff after every play . Jim Harbaugh surprised everyone but the bookies in Las Vegas with his team 's come from behind victory against the Atlanta Falcons . Of Course his brother showed that Baltimore can win … Even a fixed game . Tom Brady played worse than Paul Crew in the movie " The Longest Yard " . I 've seen poor performances before but New England 's Poor Play last Sunday against Baltimore was the worst acting job since Jean - Claude Van Damme in ANY of his movies . No my dear readers , the outcome of both Championship Games was decided before any of the teams ever took the field . Can the Harbaugh Brother 's coach ? Well , they are not the worst coaches in the NFL but I would like to see less crying and whining during the game . Yes , there will be questionable calls , but that is part of sports . Should the referee 's be stepped to when they blow it ? Absolutely , but I mean really , after EVERY PLAY ? Now I must digress . Do I like John Harbaugh ? No . He is coach of Pittsburgh 's most hated opponent ; the Baltimore Ravens . Yes , we split the season with them but They are still our most hated rivals . I mean c ' mon , the Ravens are the old Cleveland Browns . Jim Harbaugh used to play and he was good . I just don 't like the arrogance they both display . Harbaugh even made a comment last year about living in California . He has no idea what the STFU Filter is . But now the question remains ; Who do you want to win the Super Bowl ? Is it the Hated Ravens or San Fran who can equal Pittsburgh 's record of 6 Super Bowls Rings . Here 's how I look at it . If San Fran wins they will only be TYING Pittsburgh 's record . If Baltimore Wins then We 'll just have to beat up on the Super Bowl Champs in the regular season next year . Of course I 'll be more interested in the commercials anyhow . In other Football News , Anna Welker , wife of New England Patriot Wes Welker made some unsavory comments regarding Raven 's Ray Lewis . Yes , we all know Lewis was acquitted of a murder in 2000 and obviously Anna Welker is not a member of the Ray Lewis Fan Club . She made her comments then apologized for them . They were : " Proud of my husband and the Pats . By the way , if anyone is bored , please go to Ray Lewis ' Wikipedia page . 6 kids 4 wives . Acquitted for murder . Paid a family off . Yay . What a hall of fame player ! A true role model ! " Do I like Ray Lewis ? No . I also think that any regular Joe , accused of Murder as Lewis was would have never been acquitted . Should Anna Welker be worried about legal repercussions from Ray Lewis ? I doubt it . What could he really get her on ? Definition of Character ? It will be an interesting Super Bowl to say the least . The very least actually . But I have also heard some of Steeler Nation saying they will be cheering for Baltimore this year . And I guess if one of the two bothers have to win I guess I 'd rather see Baltimore then San Fran . I mean this is Ray Lewis ' final season . Pittsburgh went through it when Jerome Bettis retired so I understand what it means to Baltimore . Let 's just have a safe game with no injuries . I mean all joking aside , Winning the Super Bowl the year you retire is special . Ray Lewis would be going out on a high note I guess you could say . I just hope the money he gets from it won 't affect his AARP and Social Security benefits . I mean what kind of retirement could he have if he breaks a hip or something . I 'm sure if Baltimore wins the Super Bowl Ray Lewis ' party will be killer . Oh , sorry , I guess that was a bad choice of words . We 'll see Pittsburgh there next year . It was tough sledding this year what with all the injuries they suffered . No matter what happens , Steeler Nation is still the greatest bunch of fans in the world in any sporting event . With Halloween approaching I thought this would be an intersting post . In 2002 movie mania gripped Armstrong County in Western Pennsylvania . Why you ask ? " Officer and a Gentleman " , Richard Gere , was in Kittanning filming a movie called ; " The Mothman Prophecies " , based on John Keel 's book of the same name . The events take place in a little town in West Virginia on the Ohio River . Point Pleasant is a real place and between November of 1966 and December 1967 there were several " sightings " and other incidents that took place in Point Pleasant and the surrounding area . A creature between 6 and 7 feet tall with human legs , wings and burning red eyes was seen several times . Several events took place and ended with the collapse of the Silver Bridge into the Ohio River during an afternoon traffic jam on December 15 , 1967 . On November 15 , 1966 at 11 : 30 p . m . , two newlywed couples were driving around the TNT area . ( [ Note : the TNT area is an abandoned WW II munitions plant 10 miles north of Point Pleasant . ] As they drove past an abandoned generator plant , one of the women , Linda Scarberry , pointed out two large , red glowing eyes staring at them from the blackness . As the huge eyes moved away from the building , they could see they were part of a large figure . A six to seven - foot - tall creature now stood in front of them . They could clearly see gigantic wings folded behind its back . It was gray and stood on legs like a man 's . Stricken with terror , the witnesses began fleeing from the creature … As they made a curve in the road , they spotted the creature again . It was standing on a hill just looking at them . As soon as they all noticed it , it shot straight up into the air without flapping its wings . Because he trusted the word of the four witnesses , deputy sheriff Millard Halstead drove out to the TNT area to investigate . Halstead didn 't find the Mothman , but his radio wouldn 't work while he was in the area . A loud garbled noise was all that would come out of the radio while he was there . On December 4 , 1966 , five pilots were standing at the Gallipolis , Ohio airport . Gallipolis is just on the other side of the Ohio River from Point Pleasant . One of the men pointed out a strange object approaching them from the Ohio River . They quickly realized they were viewing a gigantic ' bird ' that was silently soaring toward them at an estimated 70 mph . Its wings never flapped and the creature was rapidly moving its head from side to side . Also in November , Mothman confronted two firemen in the TNT area . The creature terrorized five teenagers as they were driving past a rock quarry . A National Guardsman spotted Mothman standing on a tree limb in Point Pleasant . . . . In Point Pleasant , an elderly businessman went outside to hush his barking dog . Mothman stood right in front of him in his front yard . The man was stunned and transfixed by the creature 's glowing red eyes . . . . On December 15 , 1967 at 5 : 00 p . m . , a traffic jam occurred on the Silver Bridge at Point Pleasant . The bridge quivered , then collapsed , plunging about 50 cars and trucks into the icy waters of the Ohio River . 46 people died in what is still the worst bridge disaster in U . S . history . Some bodies and cars were never recovered and it was assumed that many people who were ' missing ' after the bridge 's collapse were forever lost in the river . Point Pleasant still enjoys the legend . They have a festival every year in September and even have a statue of the " Mothman " in town . In the movie , Richard Gere was getting messages that something tragic was going to happen on the Ohio River . He assumed it was something at the explosives plant . But like in the sightings from 1966 to 1967 the " Mothman " was warning them of the collapse of the Silver Bridge . The cause of the collapse is still unknown to this day . There were 46 people killed in the collapse and only 44 of the bodies were ever recovered . This is where my post comes from . Was a lot of the " Mothman " movie embellished for Hollywood or was it more or less true ? Some people say there were mothman sighting before 9 - 11 . There are also rumors that he was spotted several times before the Chernobyl disaster . People always try and equate one thing with another . Like , I see red velvet cake before my snacking urge gets quenched . I guess there might really be something to it . The bottom line I guess is the fact that all of us enjoy a good mystery now and again . The Mothman is one of those things . Some people say ; " Of course it happened in West Virginia … It 's all the Percocets and Mt . Dew they do down there … " Nonetheless it happened there and they have documentation of it . I guess it 's one of things that will baffle mankind for ever , just like ; why is Jersey Shore so popular ?
|
Edward Walford Manifold was born on 28th April 1892 and grew up in the Western District of Victoria . Together with his older brother William Herbert ( Bee ) , he travelled to England to join the Royal Field Artillery when World War I broke out . Day by day , this blog publishes his letters home and the entries he made in his diaries , from 1915 when he was first sent to France until 1918 when his service ends . ( To follow on Twitter : manifold1418 ) Hoyland departs on leave on the Saturday night and life goes on as usual on these two days , except that Siggers is rather off - colour with dysentery . A new officer from the Terriers is attached to us on the 30th . His name is Cottew - a full lieutenant . Hoyland and I take a good ride round the canal and back via Hinges in the morning . Another afternoon is spent in the shops . I forgot to add that all this time we are in rest we dine with the 41st Brigade . They have a lovely big house near the brewery with all the natural comforts , such as baths , gas et cetera The rooms are huge and the house is a mass of glass doors and windows . The dining room bears the Bosch trademark - a pipsqueak hole in one corner of it , near the ceiling . Today was spent in much the same way as Wednesday except that in the morning I went out on exercise with Siggers and we went round by Hinges . Sergeant Samphier was thrown off his horse in front of the ride , which rather tickled me . At night we go to the R A band in the theatre . It is very good . I left for Béthune early in the morning , to look for billets . I met Kellagher at the wagon line at eleven thirty and set off round the town , both looking for billets and doing other odd jobs . In the course of the morning , we called on the town mayor and were lucky in getting three billets pink forms , to be filled in before one can get a room in a house . The rest of the party straggled in during the day and by six we had found billets for all . I spent a very cold night in a canvas house , as there was a heavy frost . I never got my feet warm all night . I had a look round in the morning and found we are nearly 4000 yards behind the Bosch - or , rather , in front of - front - line trench . The gun pits seem very weak and I think a pipsqueak would blow most of them over but , as we are so far back , I suppose it was never considered necessary to build stronger ones . The Mess is in a farm about 20 yards to the rear of the guns and seems quite comfortable , although its surroundings are filthier than the last Mess , if possible . In one of the outhouses there is a treadmill on which an unfortunate dog has to keep walking . He is tied there on a chain and it is really funny to see him endlessly walking on this wheel . Whenever he stops they turn the wheel inside . I think he churns the butter or does something like that . The aeroplanes were very active after breakfast this morning and some of our machines attacked but did not seem to affect the Bosch though it was quite interesting to see the machines manoeuvring for position . Of course , Boschey , as usual , seemed to run rings round our machines . We had the usual drill in the morning and , as I was in a section of four men , I was completely lost the whole time , as did not know whether we were in a column of sections or fours . Whichever way you turned , you were in the same formation . Our lefthand man was also very bad . He would never halt to let us form on him . General Golfe gave us a pamphlet lecture at ten and that ended the business . We all stayed in Béthune for lunch and I rode out to the battery in the afternoon , which is right alongside the La Bassée canal ( south side ) , only about a mile north of our Cambrin position . On arrival , I found Siggers at the guns with the new captain , who takes Griffith 's place , and an attached subaltern , who is on tour . Griffith apparently left on the day the battery moved . He has gone to take over a Canadian battery . In the middle of tea , Quiller comes in and tells us we are to take a week 's rest at the wagon line , which at present is practically in Béthune , while some 33rd Division people take over our position , to have a week 's target practice . We are to leave on Wednesday and Kellagher , who is at the wagon line , is to come up and take care of the Mess and see that they carry on with our gun pits , which are in a state of being remodelled . There is very little to write about this week , as I am behind the firing line in a fair sized town , on an Infantry course , which I am sorry to say I have not been able to raise much interest in . I left the battery last Monday morning , reaching here about nine forty - five a . m . and proceeded to the school to report . There are 18 officers and NCOs on the course , making 36 in all . The first day was very soft , as we simply had to be shown our Mess and billets by an interpreter . I was lucky to get both a good billet and Mess and , bar one wash out , we are all comfortable , but I must say I do not think much of the type of Infantry officer one meets on this show . There are some good chaps , but the majority of them are pretty average rotters . There is one other R . F . A . man on the course besides myself . He is a very good chap . We are usually out all day and leave the school at ten a . m . , after an hour and a half Infantry drill , which is not hard to me and I can do it as well as some of them . They give us two lorries to pack into , and we usually have some wonderful scheme to work out . It is usually an attack and you are told off as Company Commander and have half an hour with the Sergeant to think out your best line of attack . At the beginning of the week , I could generally raise enough enthusiasm to have a crack at the business but now it is getting monotonous and I leave it to the Sergeant , who is an Infantry man . After lunching on sandwiches , we have to do practical engineering , which consists of digging trenches , machine gun emplacement or erecting barbed wire entanglements , at which most of the Infantry officers are pretty good at directing the job and doing nothing themselves . We are jolted back to town again at three thirty and the day ends with a lecture at five p . m . . The man who Bee had trouble with is ill and there is a harmless sort of chap taking us . There is another week of this and then I go back to the battery , which will be in a position further north in a wood . All these days have been much the same , with drill , either physical ( Swedish ) or infantry , at eight thirty , then a trip into the country by motor lorry . When we go out in the lorries , we usually get out about two miles and have some great infantry attack on a fosse , which needs a lot of imagination , for the Infantry men , and a hell of a lot for me , as I know nothing about it . We usually lunch at an estaminet and lay wire entanglements or build parapets in the afternoon , returning home about three thirty . Another lecture at five thirty ends the day . I went to several divisional shows , after the music hall type , and they were really quite good and the band they have there is very good . The division run two of these shows , one at the theatre , and one on the Choque road . The former place is a very fine building . But I believe it had a shell through it a couple of months back , probably a lucky one . The school finished up practically on Sunday , with a harebrained defence of a village to the north - west of Béthune , where the S I H are billeted . We were all put into a lorry and jolted over bad roads to a town called La Beuvierre , where we had to bundle out and pair off with sergeants . We were given a scheme which we had to report on . It was something about moving a battalion and was pretty average bilgewater to write a report on , as everyone had a different idea . The reports were discussed at twelve , and at one we proceeded to an estaminet to eat sandwiches . The estaminet being crowded , Jamison and I went into a small miners cottage and sat by the fire . We issued forth at two and found everyone paraded , waiting for us . They paraded before time . In the afternoon , a sapper took us and showed us how trenches should be dug and talked a lot more bilge . Then we came home . There was the usual lecture at five thirty . A very boring day , packed full of lectures , beginning at eight forty - five and continuing till twelve forty - five . Well , by eleven , everybody was in a comatose state and sat there like statues . There were two more lectures at two and five thirty respectively in the afternoon . I chummed up with a South Irish Horse man named Jameson and we had a look around in the evening . I had notice that I was to report at the 6th Field Ambulance , Béthune at ten am . As this meant an early start , I rose at seven , had breakfast at eight and left per horse and groom at eight forty - five . I called in at the wagon line to see the Sergeant Major about a wagon for servant and kit and then hurried on to town . It took some time to find the school , but I finally arrived with twenty minutes to spare . We had one short lecture in the morning and then went to find our billets and Mess with interpreters . I got into a Mess which is very comfortable , with the pick of the people in it , and I also got a very nice billet in the Rue de Poterne . The only lecture in the afternoon was at five thirty . Diary Entry A very quiet day was spent at the guns , with quite a nice sunny day and no shells , not even a whizbang . No . 6 gun pit is finished . It looks really fine and would take a lot of penetrating . Boschey has been treating us rather badly lately with shells . I think I told you last week that he knocked out our two brigade headquarters . On Tuesday he started with a very good line for our battery with 5 . 9s and crept right over the crest , until he pulled one right against No . 48 aiming post , which is about 50 yards in front of the gun pit , and then for some unknown reason he stopped . One of our aeroplanes appeared on the scene and I think it must have frightened Boschey , as a plane can always see the flashes of the guns and , if they once do that and we get a bearing on their battery , we get our heavies onto them and try to lay them out . That same afternoon , Boschey got a 10 cm gun to work on a hows battery behind us and gave it to them hot . Again , they made wonderful shooting . There were a few casualties - two killed and seven wounded . On Friday , the 10 cm gun came a little closer to us and was playing over our No . 1 gun and the new Horse Artillery battery , who only took up positions the night before . One shell luckily just shaved the roof of No . 1 gun pit . It went through a wall three yards in the rear and exploded , wounding two men . One poor chap was very badly hit and looked pathetic going past . We were lucky , as we had a lot of men working on No . 1 pit when they burst a shell over them but the bullets all went over their heads . Three more men were in the garden at the time , and the shrapnel fell all round them but did not touch one of them . On Saturday - that is , yesterday - Bee and I were up in the O . B . and spent two and a half hours in the cellar , as Boschey was combing our hair with 5 . 9 inch hows - and he even got one into the sandbags at the base of the building , but it did not explode . The 5 . 9 is a dear old thing . You hear it wobbling through the air for about 10 seconds before it arrives . It bursts on percussion , making a regular noise like K - r - r - r - upp ( the maker ) and a tremendous lot of black smoke is made when the shell explodes . That is why they were named coal boxes , I think . The splinters from these shells fly in a radius of about 350 yards , so that if you are 100 yards away and lie flat you are safe enough . Today , I have had a quiet day at the guns for a change . Tomorrow , I go to Béthune on an Infantry course , the same kind of show as Bee was on , so I 'm not expecting to enjoy my fortnight much , although it will be a change from the firing line . One soon realises how the men 's nerves go under shellfire , although my experience is only slight . A rather thrilling day on the whole , as we were shelled by 5 . 9 inches and 4 . 2 hows for over three hours . ( 300 shells about ) . They began at eight fifteen and stopped shortly after eleven thirty . Needless to say , we spent our time in the cellar , but there was one man from the 47th Battalion ( 4 . 5 how ) who had lost communication , so I told him to have a try for his battery through our wire . Well , he got through and began shooting , going up to our room . He stayed there and was getting his hair well combed until they dropped a short one and he got a splinter of tile on the head . He came down the stairs pretty quick , but not half as quickly as the time we did when they dropped one short . They got one dudd into the sandbags , but otherwise they scored no direct hits . In the evening , I called in at the 56th and had tea with Pat , but I did not see Shipley . Their gun position , as far as I could see in the dark , is a revelation and battery is very well - placed , being only 1500 yards from our front line trench , placed in an orchard . A day at the guns , with very little firing done on our part , but a wee bit done by the Bosch . At eleven , Boschey dropped a 4 cm HE rather close to an infantry working party digging trenches in front of my billet . They then lengthened and frightened some of our men , who were working on No . 6 gun pit , with shrapnel . He afterwards switched to Annekin for about twenty minutes , after wounding two men , one badly , behind No . 1 gun pit . For the rest of an hour , he shelled round about No . 1 but , luckily , none of our men were hit . At eight thirty pm , Kellagher walked into the Mess , having returned from leave . On going to the O . B . in the morning , I met Bee at Cambrin Church , and we spent the day up there . Everything was quiet and , on returning , I called in at the 56th battery to see Pat or Shipley , but they were both out , so I walked round the Tourieres loop , on the chance of meeting them returning from the O . B . , but without success . One of our important landmarks has had a nasty knock : the left - hand chimney at Wingles has been hit and has broken off a third of the way up . Very little doing . In the morning , two generals and the usual amount of followers came round to see the new gun pit . They seemed quite pleased with it , and it certainly does look a pretty strong pit , but , if a 5 . 9 hit it square , I would not like to be inside . The aeroplanes were very active during the morning , and our anti - aircraft people seem to be asleep half the time - they did not fire on them . Bee came round in the afternoon for tea . He had been to Béthune with Pat . I only fired nine shots the whole day and they were in retaliation . The Bosch was very quiet too , but there seemed to be some bombing going on . On coming down from the O . B . , I kept wide of the road from the Infantry headquarters and kept to the open country , but I don 't think they shelled the road all day . The sergeant on duty called me at six twenty , and I had to rise and see that all the men were standing by , in case of an attack at dawn . After a look round , having reported to Suttie , I climbed back to bed , awaiting results , but I think Boschey is too wise to advance in the open these days , without gas to help him . There was rather a chaos in the Mess all day , as the brigade used it as their headquarters for the time being and people were rushing in and out all day . About eleven , when all the men we could spare were working on No . 6 pit , building an experimental 4 . 2 proof one , Boschey started on his old racket , well over the crest . It would have been all right , if he had not added , but he kept adding , until he finally put one about three yards from No . 4 's aiming post . I was in the telephone dugout at the time and I knew he was close , but , if I had known it was only 40 yards short , I would have moved , as it meant the next one would have been about on top of us - but , for some reason , Boschey had finished . Shortly after this an aeroplane flew over and our 9 inch gun got to work , in cooperation with the hows and 60 pounders , but what damage they did I don 't know . Except for a few 10 cm shells , all went smoothly till about three , when Boschey put a direct 10 cm shell plumb into the farm behind the 60s . It looked like a lucky shot , but soon afterwards he popped in another , then he started on the Howitzer batters ( 59th siege ) and , with aeroplanes observing , did some excellent shooting . Our heavies seemed to get their blood up and started plugging away , regardless of aeroplanes , especially the unfortunate How . They were firing as quickly as they loaded , but the 10 cm made it very hot for them and knocked out two men , wounding seven by the time it finished . One cannot but admire the German fuzes - their shrapnel bursts beautifully regularly and they gave me quite an interesting afternoon . That evening I had to camp at the O . B . and started out for the brigade dugout with Rodd at nine . This is a nice cosy spot about 600Posted by I must try and write to you in the hurry and excitement of things . To begin with , the Bosch has been treating us very badly this week . They have been shelling our wee village with 5 . 9 inch hows , which are commonly called " Jack Johnsons " and , after his shooting today , I have great respect for the gun - and the men behind it , as their shooting was worthy of praise . On Tuesday , when Hoyland and I were at the wagonline , they shelled Cambrin . They just began as we left at eleven thirty , beginning at Harley Street , and working their way solemnly down the road . We missed it all and just returned at eleven thirty when the shelling stopped . We could see there was something doing , as we came across a poor wounded horse and , when we got into the straight among the houses , found everyone gazing towards the brigade . Well ! When we got to the town , we turned down to our Mess and saw two beautiful holes , one 10 yards and the other 15 yards short of the Mess and all the tiles were broken ( by the splinters ) . On the house next door , but for a few bricks being dented , there was no damage done . In the afternoon , another one dropped about 50 yards or so over , in the vicinity of the men 's cookhouse and , landing in the soft ground , made a hole about 4 foot 6 inches by 15 foot in diameter . I set to work in front of the Mess and dug the fuze out . It was about 3 foot down in the clay and very hard digging , but a good specimen when I did get it . On Thursday , when I was at the O . B . , they again put over a few more in proximity to the battery , but no damage was done . I forgot to mention that they wounded two or three of our brigade staff and one of our subs was taken , to take the orderly officer 's place . He will be away for a few weeks . Our adjutant was also slightly wounded and the 41st narrowly escaped being demolished . Today I was again away at Béthune , at the field cashier 's , drawing money for the Major and , on returning , just got into the straight again when I saw a column of black smoke go up in front of the 41st brigade - the 3 . 9s were at it again . My stables were only a short distance from the crossroads , so I took my first turn to the left and was going along , not knowing quite what to do with my horse , when I met the doctor , who was also in the same predicament . We finally tied our horses up in front of the 70th Battery Mess and went to the doctor 's billet , to survey the shelling . We both decided it was useless to try and go up to the brigade , as we could see they were going to finish them off , so we watched the performance from 400 to 500 yards distance . We stood next to a brick wall at the back of the doctor 's billet and watched events , which came to a close about two . They began at twelve pm . At about one thirty pm , the 70th battery Major spotted us and gave us some lunch . It is extraordinary the way the splinters travel . Every time they burst , we had to get behind the wall , as fragments would come buzzing through the air . By two pm , the Bosch stopped , having executed his work very well . The Infantry headquarters were on fire . Otherwise , he only slightly damaged the 41st . The chemist 's , the 30th and all the houses in between were in ruins . The former was also in flames . A number of casualties occurred , mainly at Infantry HQ , but only one shell frightened us - it made a very good refuse pit in our backyard , 10 yards too far . The devils were also putting shrapnel over our battery during the proceedings . One of our men was touched on the foot . Our Mess is chock - a - block full of refugees from both the brigades . At present we have both colonels in the mess , discussing their whereabouts for tonight and the future . We are taking all we can under cover . Some of them have lost all their kit and have only the things they stand up in . This has been a disastrous day for the brigade headquarters and the infantry chateaux , as the Bosch started shooting on them at about eleven forty - five , and by two there was little left of either the 36th or 41st . The latter was ablaze and the former merely a ruin . When I was on my way back from Béthune , having been to town to get some money for the men going on leave , I just got into the straight where houses begin , when I saw a black obuse burst plumb on the pavé in front of the 41st . Well , I took the first road to the left , as I could see that both I and my horse were better out of the way , as there seemed to be no doubt that they were at it in earnest . On going along towards the Sappers , I met Todd , who had also just come back from Beuvry . He was making for his billet . We hunted about for a safe place for the horses , as splinters were very thick , so we finally retired to the 70th battery Mess and tied our horses to the railings . We then stood behind Todd 's billet and watched the deliberate shelling of the brigades . The shooting was wonderfully accurate and it made us respect the gun ( 5 . 9 ) and the men behind it . One direct hit demolished the 36th absolutely , and the same applies to the other houses opposite the 36th . The 41st were not so badly hit , but there was only one room left undamaged , and part of it was on fire . The Infantry got off lightly , but a number of men were killed in front of the chateaux . Needless to say , there were some miraculous escapes and , at the 41st Brigade dugout , one shell landed at the top step but , luckily , it was a dud or else the occupants - about 14 officers and civilians - would have all gone west . At about three , I went up with an attached officer and Siggers to find the former 's kit in the ruins of one of the dugouts . Well , we were searching about when whizbangs came ( the 77 mm ) , so we bolted for it across the open country . I think I did 100 yards in about 10 seconds flat , with whizbangs bursting in the rear about every five seconds . There was much more damage done than Posted by The day started badly , as there was some bungle made over waking my servant , and it was five to seven when Bates came in to call me . On enquiring from Corporal Rosco the cause of the trouble , I found it was rather complicated , so left for the O . B . post - haste . Bee was up there from the 15th , and he said he saw a large party of Bosch working in the open , to the left and rear of Lone Farm . He said he let fly at them but , if I could have only got there , our guns are registered on those trenches , and we could have both let them have it . I was glad to see that some new crosses had been put up on our rabbit run - one right where my two birds fell , which speaks for itself . We kept very quiet all day , and the Bosch also did very little shooting . It rained in the afternoon , but , after it was over , the air was very clear , although there was a high wind blowing from the south - west , which made accurate shooting very difficult . Suttie and I noticed that the dugout on the fringe of Auchy was still burning , but we could not distinguish what it was that was burning . We saw the flames , but could not see what the material was . It just looked as if the earth was smouldering . The Bosch shelled the battery again in the morning . I wrote a novel , represented by Sheil Land . One publisher thought it was " compelling , but it wouldn 't be easy to categorize - it is somewhere between ' literary ' and ' commercial ' , and would need to be one or the other to be pitched for successfully in an acquisition meeting . " Another said , ' It 's pacy and gripping , and the plot is great , but it lacks that lighter women 's fiction feeling . The writing is undeniably good but I 'm not quite sure how I would position it on our list . ' A third commented that it " is a warm , engaging and easy read but this ' middle market fiction ' is a really tough area ' , while a fourth considered that , " It is a good story ( stories ) well told , but just missing the X - factor that would make me fall in love with it . " I wanted to write an entertaining novel that I would like when I was in the mood for something thoughtful & amusing that I could enjoy without too much effort . If you would like to read it yourself , you can find it at http : / / cargocollective . com / Unrealities / Holding - On - a - novel .
|
Edward Walford Manifold was born on 28th April 1892 and grew up in the Western District of Victoria . Together with his older brother William Herbert ( Bee ) , he travelled to England to join the Royal Field Artillery when World War I broke out . Day by day , this blog publishes his letters home and the entries he made in his diaries , from 1915 when he was first sent to France until 1918 when his service ends . ( To follow on Twitter : manifold1418 ) Hoyland departs on leave on the Saturday night and life goes on as usual on these two days , except that Siggers is rather off - colour with dysentery . A new officer from the Terriers is attached to us on the 30th . His name is Cottew - a full lieutenant . Hoyland and I take a good ride round the canal and back via Hinges in the morning . Another afternoon is spent in the shops . I forgot to add that all this time we are in rest we dine with the 41st Brigade . They have a lovely big house near the brewery with all the natural comforts , such as baths , gas et cetera The rooms are huge and the house is a mass of glass doors and windows . The dining room bears the Bosch trademark - a pipsqueak hole in one corner of it , near the ceiling . Today was spent in much the same way as Wednesday except that in the morning I went out on exercise with Siggers and we went round by Hinges . Sergeant Samphier was thrown off his horse in front of the ride , which rather tickled me . At night we go to the R A band in the theatre . It is very good . I left for Béthune early in the morning , to look for billets . I met Kellagher at the wagon line at eleven thirty and set off round the town , both looking for billets and doing other odd jobs . In the course of the morning , we called on the town mayor and were lucky in getting three billets pink forms , to be filled in before one can get a room in a house . The rest of the party straggled in during the day and by six we had found billets for all . I spent a very cold night in a canvas house , as there was a heavy frost . I never got my feet warm all night . I had a look round in the morning and found we are nearly 4000 yards behind the Bosch - or , rather , in front of - front - line trench . The gun pits seem very weak and I think a pipsqueak would blow most of them over but , as we are so far back , I suppose it was never considered necessary to build stronger ones . The Mess is in a farm about 20 yards to the rear of the guns and seems quite comfortable , although its surroundings are filthier than the last Mess , if possible . In one of the outhouses there is a treadmill on which an unfortunate dog has to keep walking . He is tied there on a chain and it is really funny to see him endlessly walking on this wheel . Whenever he stops they turn the wheel inside . I think he churns the butter or does something like that . The aeroplanes were very active after breakfast this morning and some of our machines attacked but did not seem to affect the Bosch though it was quite interesting to see the machines manoeuvring for position . Of course , Boschey , as usual , seemed to run rings round our machines . We had the usual drill in the morning and , as I was in a section of four men , I was completely lost the whole time , as did not know whether we were in a column of sections or fours . Whichever way you turned , you were in the same formation . Our lefthand man was also very bad . He would never halt to let us form on him . General Golfe gave us a pamphlet lecture at ten and that ended the business . We all stayed in Béthune for lunch and I rode out to the battery in the afternoon , which is right alongside the La Bassée canal ( south side ) , only about a mile north of our Cambrin position . On arrival , I found Siggers at the guns with the new captain , who takes Griffith 's place , and an attached subaltern , who is on tour . Griffith apparently left on the day the battery moved . He has gone to take over a Canadian battery . In the middle of tea , Quiller comes in and tells us we are to take a week 's rest at the wagon line , which at present is practically in Béthune , while some 33rd Division people take over our position , to have a week 's target practice . We are to leave on Wednesday and Kellagher , who is at the wagon line , is to come up and take care of the Mess and see that they carry on with our gun pits , which are in a state of being remodelled . There is very little to write about this week , as I am behind the firing line in a fair sized town , on an Infantry course , which I am sorry to say I have not been able to raise much interest in . I left the battery last Monday morning , reaching here about nine forty - five a . m . and proceeded to the school to report . There are 18 officers and NCOs on the course , making 36 in all . The first day was very soft , as we simply had to be shown our Mess and billets by an interpreter . I was lucky to get both a good billet and Mess and , bar one wash out , we are all comfortable , but I must say I do not think much of the type of Infantry officer one meets on this show . There are some good chaps , but the majority of them are pretty average rotters . There is one other R . F . A . man on the course besides myself . He is a very good chap . We are usually out all day and leave the school at ten a . m . , after an hour and a half Infantry drill , which is not hard to me and I can do it as well as some of them . They give us two lorries to pack into , and we usually have some wonderful scheme to work out . It is usually an attack and you are told off as Company Commander and have half an hour with the Sergeant to think out your best line of attack . At the beginning of the week , I could generally raise enough enthusiasm to have a crack at the business but now it is getting monotonous and I leave it to the Sergeant , who is an Infantry man . After lunching on sandwiches , we have to do practical engineering , which consists of digging trenches , machine gun emplacement or erecting barbed wire entanglements , at which most of the Infantry officers are pretty good at directing the job and doing nothing themselves . We are jolted back to town again at three thirty and the day ends with a lecture at five p . m . . The man who Bee had trouble with is ill and there is a harmless sort of chap taking us . There is another week of this and then I go back to the battery , which will be in a position further north in a wood . All these days have been much the same , with drill , either physical ( Swedish ) or infantry , at eight thirty , then a trip into the country by motor lorry . When we go out in the lorries , we usually get out about two miles and have some great infantry attack on a fosse , which needs a lot of imagination , for the Infantry men , and a hell of a lot for me , as I know nothing about it . We usually lunch at an estaminet and lay wire entanglements or build parapets in the afternoon , returning home about three thirty . Another lecture at five thirty ends the day . I went to several divisional shows , after the music hall type , and they were really quite good and the band they have there is very good . The division run two of these shows , one at the theatre , and one on the Choque road . The former place is a very fine building . But I believe it had a shell through it a couple of months back , probably a lucky one . The school finished up practically on Sunday , with a harebrained defence of a village to the north - west of Béthune , where the S I H are billeted . We were all put into a lorry and jolted over bad roads to a town called La Beuvierre , where we had to bundle out and pair off with sergeants . We were given a scheme which we had to report on . It was something about moving a battalion and was pretty average bilgewater to write a report on , as everyone had a different idea . The reports were discussed at twelve , and at one we proceeded to an estaminet to eat sandwiches . The estaminet being crowded , Jamison and I went into a small miners cottage and sat by the fire . We issued forth at two and found everyone paraded , waiting for us . They paraded before time . In the afternoon , a sapper took us and showed us how trenches should be dug and talked a lot more bilge . Then we came home . There was the usual lecture at five thirty . A very boring day , packed full of lectures , beginning at eight forty - five and continuing till twelve forty - five . Well , by eleven , everybody was in a comatose state and sat there like statues . There were two more lectures at two and five thirty respectively in the afternoon . I chummed up with a South Irish Horse man named Jameson and we had a look around in the evening . I had notice that I was to report at the 6th Field Ambulance , Béthune at ten am . As this meant an early start , I rose at seven , had breakfast at eight and left per horse and groom at eight forty - five . I called in at the wagon line to see the Sergeant Major about a wagon for servant and kit and then hurried on to town . It took some time to find the school , but I finally arrived with twenty minutes to spare . We had one short lecture in the morning and then went to find our billets and Mess with interpreters . I got into a Mess which is very comfortable , with the pick of the people in it , and I also got a very nice billet in the Rue de Poterne . The only lecture in the afternoon was at five thirty . Diary Entry A very quiet day was spent at the guns , with quite a nice sunny day and no shells , not even a whizbang . No . 6 gun pit is finished . It looks really fine and would take a lot of penetrating . Boschey has been treating us rather badly lately with shells . I think I told you last week that he knocked out our two brigade headquarters . On Tuesday he started with a very good line for our battery with 5 . 9s and crept right over the crest , until he pulled one right against No . 48 aiming post , which is about 50 yards in front of the gun pit , and then for some unknown reason he stopped . One of our aeroplanes appeared on the scene and I think it must have frightened Boschey , as a plane can always see the flashes of the guns and , if they once do that and we get a bearing on their battery , we get our heavies onto them and try to lay them out . That same afternoon , Boschey got a 10 cm gun to work on a hows battery behind us and gave it to them hot . Again , they made wonderful shooting . There were a few casualties - two killed and seven wounded . On Friday , the 10 cm gun came a little closer to us and was playing over our No . 1 gun and the new Horse Artillery battery , who only took up positions the night before . One shell luckily just shaved the roof of No . 1 gun pit . It went through a wall three yards in the rear and exploded , wounding two men . One poor chap was very badly hit and looked pathetic going past . We were lucky , as we had a lot of men working on No . 1 pit when they burst a shell over them but the bullets all went over their heads . Three more men were in the garden at the time , and the shrapnel fell all round them but did not touch one of them . On Saturday - that is , yesterday - Bee and I were up in the O . B . and spent two and a half hours in the cellar , as Boschey was combing our hair with 5 . 9 inch hows - and he even got one into the sandbags at the base of the building , but it did not explode . The 5 . 9 is a dear old thing . You hear it wobbling through the air for about 10 seconds before it arrives . It bursts on percussion , making a regular noise like K - r - r - r - upp ( the maker ) and a tremendous lot of black smoke is made when the shell explodes . That is why they were named coal boxes , I think . The splinters from these shells fly in a radius of about 350 yards , so that if you are 100 yards away and lie flat you are safe enough . Today , I have had a quiet day at the guns for a change . Tomorrow , I go to Béthune on an Infantry course , the same kind of show as Bee was on , so I 'm not expecting to enjoy my fortnight much , although it will be a change from the firing line . One soon realises how the men 's nerves go under shellfire , although my experience is only slight . A rather thrilling day on the whole , as we were shelled by 5 . 9 inches and 4 . 2 hows for over three hours . ( 300 shells about ) . They began at eight fifteen and stopped shortly after eleven thirty . Needless to say , we spent our time in the cellar , but there was one man from the 47th Battalion ( 4 . 5 how ) who had lost communication , so I told him to have a try for his battery through our wire . Well , he got through and began shooting , going up to our room . He stayed there and was getting his hair well combed until they dropped a short one and he got a splinter of tile on the head . He came down the stairs pretty quick , but not half as quickly as the time we did when they dropped one short . They got one dudd into the sandbags , but otherwise they scored no direct hits . In the evening , I called in at the 56th and had tea with Pat , but I did not see Shipley . Their gun position , as far as I could see in the dark , is a revelation and battery is very well - placed , being only 1500 yards from our front line trench , placed in an orchard . A day at the guns , with very little firing done on our part , but a wee bit done by the Bosch . At eleven , Boschey dropped a 4 cm HE rather close to an infantry working party digging trenches in front of my billet . They then lengthened and frightened some of our men , who were working on No . 6 gun pit , with shrapnel . He afterwards switched to Annekin for about twenty minutes , after wounding two men , one badly , behind No . 1 gun pit . For the rest of an hour , he shelled round about No . 1 but , luckily , none of our men were hit . At eight thirty pm , Kellagher walked into the Mess , having returned from leave . On going to the O . B . in the morning , I met Bee at Cambrin Church , and we spent the day up there . Everything was quiet and , on returning , I called in at the 56th battery to see Pat or Shipley , but they were both out , so I walked round the Tourieres loop , on the chance of meeting them returning from the O . B . , but without success . One of our important landmarks has had a nasty knock : the left - hand chimney at Wingles has been hit and has broken off a third of the way up . Very little doing . In the morning , two generals and the usual amount of followers came round to see the new gun pit . They seemed quite pleased with it , and it certainly does look a pretty strong pit , but , if a 5 . 9 hit it square , I would not like to be inside . The aeroplanes were very active during the morning , and our anti - aircraft people seem to be asleep half the time - they did not fire on them . Bee came round in the afternoon for tea . He had been to Béthune with Pat . I only fired nine shots the whole day and they were in retaliation . The Bosch was very quiet too , but there seemed to be some bombing going on . On coming down from the O . B . , I kept wide of the road from the Infantry headquarters and kept to the open country , but I don 't think they shelled the road all day . The sergeant on duty called me at six twenty , and I had to rise and see that all the men were standing by , in case of an attack at dawn . After a look round , having reported to Suttie , I climbed back to bed , awaiting results , but I think Boschey is too wise to advance in the open these days , without gas to help him . There was rather a chaos in the Mess all day , as the brigade used it as their headquarters for the time being and people were rushing in and out all day . About eleven , when all the men we could spare were working on No . 6 pit , building an experimental 4 . 2 proof one , Boschey started on his old racket , well over the crest . It would have been all right , if he had not added , but he kept adding , until he finally put one about three yards from No . 4 's aiming post . I was in the telephone dugout at the time and I knew he was close , but , if I had known it was only 40 yards short , I would have moved , as it meant the next one would have been about on top of us - but , for some reason , Boschey had finished . Shortly after this an aeroplane flew over and our 9 inch gun got to work , in cooperation with the hows and 60 pounders , but what damage they did I don 't know . Except for a few 10 cm shells , all went smoothly till about three , when Boschey put a direct 10 cm shell plumb into the farm behind the 60s . It looked like a lucky shot , but soon afterwards he popped in another , then he started on the Howitzer batters ( 59th siege ) and , with aeroplanes observing , did some excellent shooting . Our heavies seemed to get their blood up and started plugging away , regardless of aeroplanes , especially the unfortunate How . They were firing as quickly as they loaded , but the 10 cm made it very hot for them and knocked out two men , wounding seven by the time it finished . One cannot but admire the German fuzes - their shrapnel bursts beautifully regularly and they gave me quite an interesting afternoon . That evening I had to camp at the O . B . and started out for the brigade dugout with Rodd at nine . This is a nice cosy spot about 600Posted by I must try and write to you in the hurry and excitement of things . To begin with , the Bosch has been treating us very badly this week . They have been shelling our wee village with 5 . 9 inch hows , which are commonly called " Jack Johnsons " and , after his shooting today , I have great respect for the gun - and the men behind it , as their shooting was worthy of praise . On Tuesday , when Hoyland and I were at the wagonline , they shelled Cambrin . They just began as we left at eleven thirty , beginning at Harley Street , and working their way solemnly down the road . We missed it all and just returned at eleven thirty when the shelling stopped . We could see there was something doing , as we came across a poor wounded horse and , when we got into the straight among the houses , found everyone gazing towards the brigade . Well ! When we got to the town , we turned down to our Mess and saw two beautiful holes , one 10 yards and the other 15 yards short of the Mess and all the tiles were broken ( by the splinters ) . On the house next door , but for a few bricks being dented , there was no damage done . In the afternoon , another one dropped about 50 yards or so over , in the vicinity of the men 's cookhouse and , landing in the soft ground , made a hole about 4 foot 6 inches by 15 foot in diameter . I set to work in front of the Mess and dug the fuze out . It was about 3 foot down in the clay and very hard digging , but a good specimen when I did get it . On Thursday , when I was at the O . B . , they again put over a few more in proximity to the battery , but no damage was done . I forgot to mention that they wounded two or three of our brigade staff and one of our subs was taken , to take the orderly officer 's place . He will be away for a few weeks . Our adjutant was also slightly wounded and the 41st narrowly escaped being demolished . Today I was again away at Béthune , at the field cashier 's , drawing money for the Major and , on returning , just got into the straight again when I saw a column of black smoke go up in front of the 41st brigade - the 3 . 9s were at it again . My stables were only a short distance from the crossroads , so I took my first turn to the left and was going along , not knowing quite what to do with my horse , when I met the doctor , who was also in the same predicament . We finally tied our horses up in front of the 70th Battery Mess and went to the doctor 's billet , to survey the shelling . We both decided it was useless to try and go up to the brigade , as we could see they were going to finish them off , so we watched the performance from 400 to 500 yards distance . We stood next to a brick wall at the back of the doctor 's billet and watched events , which came to a close about two . They began at twelve pm . At about one thirty pm , the 70th battery Major spotted us and gave us some lunch . It is extraordinary the way the splinters travel . Every time they burst , we had to get behind the wall , as fragments would come buzzing through the air . By two pm , the Bosch stopped , having executed his work very well . The Infantry headquarters were on fire . Otherwise , he only slightly damaged the 41st . The chemist 's , the 30th and all the houses in between were in ruins . The former was also in flames . A number of casualties occurred , mainly at Infantry HQ , but only one shell frightened us - it made a very good refuse pit in our backyard , 10 yards too far . The devils were also putting shrapnel over our battery during the proceedings . One of our men was touched on the foot . Our Mess is chock - a - block full of refugees from both the brigades . At present we have both colonels in the mess , discussing their whereabouts for tonight and the future . We are taking all we can under cover . Some of them have lost all their kit and have only the things they stand up in . This has been a disastrous day for the brigade headquarters and the infantry chateaux , as the Bosch started shooting on them at about eleven forty - five , and by two there was little left of either the 36th or 41st . The latter was ablaze and the former merely a ruin . When I was on my way back from Béthune , having been to town to get some money for the men going on leave , I just got into the straight where houses begin , when I saw a black obuse burst plumb on the pavé in front of the 41st . Well , I took the first road to the left , as I could see that both I and my horse were better out of the way , as there seemed to be no doubt that they were at it in earnest . On going along towards the Sappers , I met Todd , who had also just come back from Beuvry . He was making for his billet . We hunted about for a safe place for the horses , as splinters were very thick , so we finally retired to the 70th battery Mess and tied our horses to the railings . We then stood behind Todd 's billet and watched the deliberate shelling of the brigades . The shooting was wonderfully accurate and it made us respect the gun ( 5 . 9 ) and the men behind it . One direct hit demolished the 36th absolutely , and the same applies to the other houses opposite the 36th . The 41st were not so badly hit , but there was only one room left undamaged , and part of it was on fire . The Infantry got off lightly , but a number of men were killed in front of the chateaux . Needless to say , there were some miraculous escapes and , at the 41st Brigade dugout , one shell landed at the top step but , luckily , it was a dud or else the occupants - about 14 officers and civilians - would have all gone west . At about three , I went up with an attached officer and Siggers to find the former 's kit in the ruins of one of the dugouts . Well , we were searching about when whizbangs came ( the 77 mm ) , so we bolted for it across the open country . I think I did 100 yards in about 10 seconds flat , with whizbangs bursting in the rear about every five seconds . There was much more damage done than Posted by The day started badly , as there was some bungle made over waking my servant , and it was five to seven when Bates came in to call me . On enquiring from Corporal Rosco the cause of the trouble , I found it was rather complicated , so left for the O . B . post - haste . Bee was up there from the 15th , and he said he saw a large party of Bosch working in the open , to the left and rear of Lone Farm . He said he let fly at them but , if I could have only got there , our guns are registered on those trenches , and we could have both let them have it . I was glad to see that some new crosses had been put up on our rabbit run - one right where my two birds fell , which speaks for itself . We kept very quiet all day , and the Bosch also did very little shooting . It rained in the afternoon , but , after it was over , the air was very clear , although there was a high wind blowing from the south - west , which made accurate shooting very difficult . Suttie and I noticed that the dugout on the fringe of Auchy was still burning , but we could not distinguish what it was that was burning . We saw the flames , but could not see what the material was . It just looked as if the earth was smouldering . The Bosch shelled the battery again in the morning . I wrote a novel , represented by Sheil Land . One publisher thought it was " compelling , but it wouldn 't be easy to categorize - it is somewhere between ' literary ' and ' commercial ' , and would need to be one or the other to be pitched for successfully in an acquisition meeting . " Another said , ' It 's pacy and gripping , and the plot is great , but it lacks that lighter women 's fiction feeling . The writing is undeniably good but I 'm not quite sure how I would position it on our list . ' A third commented that it " is a warm , engaging and easy read but this ' middle market fiction ' is a really tough area ' , while a fourth considered that , " It is a good story ( stories ) well told , but just missing the X - factor that would make me fall in love with it . " I wanted to write an entertaining novel that I would like when I was in the mood for something thoughtful & amusing that I could enjoy without too much effort . If you would like to read it yourself , you can find it at http : / / cargocollective . com / Unrealities / Holding - On - a - novel .
|
Edward Walford Manifold was born on 28th April 1892 and grew up in the Western District of Victoria . Together with his older brother William Herbert ( Bee ) , he travelled to England to join the Royal Field Artillery when World War I broke out . Day by day , this blog publishes his letters home and the entries he made in his diaries , from 1915 when he was first sent to France until 1918 when his service ends . ( To follow on Twitter : manifold1418 ) Hoyland departs on leave on the Saturday night and life goes on as usual on these two days , except that Siggers is rather off - colour with dysentery . A new officer from the Terriers is attached to us on the 30th . His name is Cottew - a full lieutenant . Hoyland and I take a good ride round the canal and back via Hinges in the morning . Another afternoon is spent in the shops . I forgot to add that all this time we are in rest we dine with the 41st Brigade . They have a lovely big house near the brewery with all the natural comforts , such as baths , gas et cetera The rooms are huge and the house is a mass of glass doors and windows . The dining room bears the Bosch trademark - a pipsqueak hole in one corner of it , near the ceiling . Today was spent in much the same way as Wednesday except that in the morning I went out on exercise with Siggers and we went round by Hinges . Sergeant Samphier was thrown off his horse in front of the ride , which rather tickled me . At night we go to the R A band in the theatre . It is very good . I left for Béthune early in the morning , to look for billets . I met Kellagher at the wagon line at eleven thirty and set off round the town , both looking for billets and doing other odd jobs . In the course of the morning , we called on the town mayor and were lucky in getting three billets pink forms , to be filled in before one can get a room in a house . The rest of the party straggled in during the day and by six we had found billets for all . I spent a very cold night in a canvas house , as there was a heavy frost . I never got my feet warm all night . I had a look round in the morning and found we are nearly 4000 yards behind the Bosch - or , rather , in front of - front - line trench . The gun pits seem very weak and I think a pipsqueak would blow most of them over but , as we are so far back , I suppose it was never considered necessary to build stronger ones . The Mess is in a farm about 20 yards to the rear of the guns and seems quite comfortable , although its surroundings are filthier than the last Mess , if possible . In one of the outhouses there is a treadmill on which an unfortunate dog has to keep walking . He is tied there on a chain and it is really funny to see him endlessly walking on this wheel . Whenever he stops they turn the wheel inside . I think he churns the butter or does something like that . The aeroplanes were very active after breakfast this morning and some of our machines attacked but did not seem to affect the Bosch though it was quite interesting to see the machines manoeuvring for position . Of course , Boschey , as usual , seemed to run rings round our machines . We had the usual drill in the morning and , as I was in a section of four men , I was completely lost the whole time , as did not know whether we were in a column of sections or fours . Whichever way you turned , you were in the same formation . Our lefthand man was also very bad . He would never halt to let us form on him . General Golfe gave us a pamphlet lecture at ten and that ended the business . We all stayed in Béthune for lunch and I rode out to the battery in the afternoon , which is right alongside the La Bassée canal ( south side ) , only about a mile north of our Cambrin position . On arrival , I found Siggers at the guns with the new captain , who takes Griffith 's place , and an attached subaltern , who is on tour . Griffith apparently left on the day the battery moved . He has gone to take over a Canadian battery . In the middle of tea , Quiller comes in and tells us we are to take a week 's rest at the wagon line , which at present is practically in Béthune , while some 33rd Division people take over our position , to have a week 's target practice . We are to leave on Wednesday and Kellagher , who is at the wagon line , is to come up and take care of the Mess and see that they carry on with our gun pits , which are in a state of being remodelled . There is very little to write about this week , as I am behind the firing line in a fair sized town , on an Infantry course , which I am sorry to say I have not been able to raise much interest in . I left the battery last Monday morning , reaching here about nine forty - five a . m . and proceeded to the school to report . There are 18 officers and NCOs on the course , making 36 in all . The first day was very soft , as we simply had to be shown our Mess and billets by an interpreter . I was lucky to get both a good billet and Mess and , bar one wash out , we are all comfortable , but I must say I do not think much of the type of Infantry officer one meets on this show . There are some good chaps , but the majority of them are pretty average rotters . There is one other R . F . A . man on the course besides myself . He is a very good chap . We are usually out all day and leave the school at ten a . m . , after an hour and a half Infantry drill , which is not hard to me and I can do it as well as some of them . They give us two lorries to pack into , and we usually have some wonderful scheme to work out . It is usually an attack and you are told off as Company Commander and have half an hour with the Sergeant to think out your best line of attack . At the beginning of the week , I could generally raise enough enthusiasm to have a crack at the business but now it is getting monotonous and I leave it to the Sergeant , who is an Infantry man . After lunching on sandwiches , we have to do practical engineering , which consists of digging trenches , machine gun emplacement or erecting barbed wire entanglements , at which most of the Infantry officers are pretty good at directing the job and doing nothing themselves . We are jolted back to town again at three thirty and the day ends with a lecture at five p . m . . The man who Bee had trouble with is ill and there is a harmless sort of chap taking us . There is another week of this and then I go back to the battery , which will be in a position further north in a wood . All these days have been much the same , with drill , either physical ( Swedish ) or infantry , at eight thirty , then a trip into the country by motor lorry . When we go out in the lorries , we usually get out about two miles and have some great infantry attack on a fosse , which needs a lot of imagination , for the Infantry men , and a hell of a lot for me , as I know nothing about it . We usually lunch at an estaminet and lay wire entanglements or build parapets in the afternoon , returning home about three thirty . Another lecture at five thirty ends the day . I went to several divisional shows , after the music hall type , and they were really quite good and the band they have there is very good . The division run two of these shows , one at the theatre , and one on the Choque road . The former place is a very fine building . But I believe it had a shell through it a couple of months back , probably a lucky one . The school finished up practically on Sunday , with a harebrained defence of a village to the north - west of Béthune , where the S I H are billeted . We were all put into a lorry and jolted over bad roads to a town called La Beuvierre , where we had to bundle out and pair off with sergeants . We were given a scheme which we had to report on . It was something about moving a battalion and was pretty average bilgewater to write a report on , as everyone had a different idea . The reports were discussed at twelve , and at one we proceeded to an estaminet to eat sandwiches . The estaminet being crowded , Jamison and I went into a small miners cottage and sat by the fire . We issued forth at two and found everyone paraded , waiting for us . They paraded before time . In the afternoon , a sapper took us and showed us how trenches should be dug and talked a lot more bilge . Then we came home . There was the usual lecture at five thirty . A very boring day , packed full of lectures , beginning at eight forty - five and continuing till twelve forty - five . Well , by eleven , everybody was in a comatose state and sat there like statues . There were two more lectures at two and five thirty respectively in the afternoon . I chummed up with a South Irish Horse man named Jameson and we had a look around in the evening . I had notice that I was to report at the 6th Field Ambulance , Béthune at ten am . As this meant an early start , I rose at seven , had breakfast at eight and left per horse and groom at eight forty - five . I called in at the wagon line to see the Sergeant Major about a wagon for servant and kit and then hurried on to town . It took some time to find the school , but I finally arrived with twenty minutes to spare . We had one short lecture in the morning and then went to find our billets and Mess with interpreters . I got into a Mess which is very comfortable , with the pick of the people in it , and I also got a very nice billet in the Rue de Poterne . The only lecture in the afternoon was at five thirty . Diary Entry A very quiet day was spent at the guns , with quite a nice sunny day and no shells , not even a whizbang . No . 6 gun pit is finished . It looks really fine and would take a lot of penetrating . Boschey has been treating us rather badly lately with shells . I think I told you last week that he knocked out our two brigade headquarters . On Tuesday he started with a very good line for our battery with 5 . 9s and crept right over the crest , until he pulled one right against No . 48 aiming post , which is about 50 yards in front of the gun pit , and then for some unknown reason he stopped . One of our aeroplanes appeared on the scene and I think it must have frightened Boschey , as a plane can always see the flashes of the guns and , if they once do that and we get a bearing on their battery , we get our heavies onto them and try to lay them out . That same afternoon , Boschey got a 10 cm gun to work on a hows battery behind us and gave it to them hot . Again , they made wonderful shooting . There were a few casualties - two killed and seven wounded . On Friday , the 10 cm gun came a little closer to us and was playing over our No . 1 gun and the new Horse Artillery battery , who only took up positions the night before . One shell luckily just shaved the roof of No . 1 gun pit . It went through a wall three yards in the rear and exploded , wounding two men . One poor chap was very badly hit and looked pathetic going past . We were lucky , as we had a lot of men working on No . 1 pit when they burst a shell over them but the bullets all went over their heads . Three more men were in the garden at the time , and the shrapnel fell all round them but did not touch one of them . On Saturday - that is , yesterday - Bee and I were up in the O . B . and spent two and a half hours in the cellar , as Boschey was combing our hair with 5 . 9 inch hows - and he even got one into the sandbags at the base of the building , but it did not explode . The 5 . 9 is a dear old thing . You hear it wobbling through the air for about 10 seconds before it arrives . It bursts on percussion , making a regular noise like K - r - r - r - upp ( the maker ) and a tremendous lot of black smoke is made when the shell explodes . That is why they were named coal boxes , I think . The splinters from these shells fly in a radius of about 350 yards , so that if you are 100 yards away and lie flat you are safe enough . Today , I have had a quiet day at the guns for a change . Tomorrow , I go to Béthune on an Infantry course , the same kind of show as Bee was on , so I 'm not expecting to enjoy my fortnight much , although it will be a change from the firing line . One soon realises how the men 's nerves go under shellfire , although my experience is only slight . A rather thrilling day on the whole , as we were shelled by 5 . 9 inches and 4 . 2 hows for over three hours . ( 300 shells about ) . They began at eight fifteen and stopped shortly after eleven thirty . Needless to say , we spent our time in the cellar , but there was one man from the 47th Battalion ( 4 . 5 how ) who had lost communication , so I told him to have a try for his battery through our wire . Well , he got through and began shooting , going up to our room . He stayed there and was getting his hair well combed until they dropped a short one and he got a splinter of tile on the head . He came down the stairs pretty quick , but not half as quickly as the time we did when they dropped one short . They got one dudd into the sandbags , but otherwise they scored no direct hits . In the evening , I called in at the 56th and had tea with Pat , but I did not see Shipley . Their gun position , as far as I could see in the dark , is a revelation and battery is very well - placed , being only 1500 yards from our front line trench , placed in an orchard . A day at the guns , with very little firing done on our part , but a wee bit done by the Bosch . At eleven , Boschey dropped a 4 cm HE rather close to an infantry working party digging trenches in front of my billet . They then lengthened and frightened some of our men , who were working on No . 6 gun pit , with shrapnel . He afterwards switched to Annekin for about twenty minutes , after wounding two men , one badly , behind No . 1 gun pit . For the rest of an hour , he shelled round about No . 1 but , luckily , none of our men were hit . At eight thirty pm , Kellagher walked into the Mess , having returned from leave . On going to the O . B . in the morning , I met Bee at Cambrin Church , and we spent the day up there . Everything was quiet and , on returning , I called in at the 56th battery to see Pat or Shipley , but they were both out , so I walked round the Tourieres loop , on the chance of meeting them returning from the O . B . , but without success . One of our important landmarks has had a nasty knock : the left - hand chimney at Wingles has been hit and has broken off a third of the way up . Very little doing . In the morning , two generals and the usual amount of followers came round to see the new gun pit . They seemed quite pleased with it , and it certainly does look a pretty strong pit , but , if a 5 . 9 hit it square , I would not like to be inside . The aeroplanes were very active during the morning , and our anti - aircraft people seem to be asleep half the time - they did not fire on them . Bee came round in the afternoon for tea . He had been to Béthune with Pat . I only fired nine shots the whole day and they were in retaliation . The Bosch was very quiet too , but there seemed to be some bombing going on . On coming down from the O . B . , I kept wide of the road from the Infantry headquarters and kept to the open country , but I don 't think they shelled the road all day . The sergeant on duty called me at six twenty , and I had to rise and see that all the men were standing by , in case of an attack at dawn . After a look round , having reported to Suttie , I climbed back to bed , awaiting results , but I think Boschey is too wise to advance in the open these days , without gas to help him . There was rather a chaos in the Mess all day , as the brigade used it as their headquarters for the time being and people were rushing in and out all day . About eleven , when all the men we could spare were working on No . 6 pit , building an experimental 4 . 2 proof one , Boschey started on his old racket , well over the crest . It would have been all right , if he had not added , but he kept adding , until he finally put one about three yards from No . 4 's aiming post . I was in the telephone dugout at the time and I knew he was close , but , if I had known it was only 40 yards short , I would have moved , as it meant the next one would have been about on top of us - but , for some reason , Boschey had finished . Shortly after this an aeroplane flew over and our 9 inch gun got to work , in cooperation with the hows and 60 pounders , but what damage they did I don 't know . Except for a few 10 cm shells , all went smoothly till about three , when Boschey put a direct 10 cm shell plumb into the farm behind the 60s . It looked like a lucky shot , but soon afterwards he popped in another , then he started on the Howitzer batters ( 59th siege ) and , with aeroplanes observing , did some excellent shooting . Our heavies seemed to get their blood up and started plugging away , regardless of aeroplanes , especially the unfortunate How . They were firing as quickly as they loaded , but the 10 cm made it very hot for them and knocked out two men , wounding seven by the time it finished . One cannot but admire the German fuzes - their shrapnel bursts beautifully regularly and they gave me quite an interesting afternoon . That evening I had to camp at the O . B . and started out for the brigade dugout with Rodd at nine . This is a nice cosy spot about 600Posted by I must try and write to you in the hurry and excitement of things . To begin with , the Bosch has been treating us very badly this week . They have been shelling our wee village with 5 . 9 inch hows , which are commonly called " Jack Johnsons " and , after his shooting today , I have great respect for the gun - and the men behind it , as their shooting was worthy of praise . On Tuesday , when Hoyland and I were at the wagonline , they shelled Cambrin . They just began as we left at eleven thirty , beginning at Harley Street , and working their way solemnly down the road . We missed it all and just returned at eleven thirty when the shelling stopped . We could see there was something doing , as we came across a poor wounded horse and , when we got into the straight among the houses , found everyone gazing towards the brigade . Well ! When we got to the town , we turned down to our Mess and saw two beautiful holes , one 10 yards and the other 15 yards short of the Mess and all the tiles were broken ( by the splinters ) . On the house next door , but for a few bricks being dented , there was no damage done . In the afternoon , another one dropped about 50 yards or so over , in the vicinity of the men 's cookhouse and , landing in the soft ground , made a hole about 4 foot 6 inches by 15 foot in diameter . I set to work in front of the Mess and dug the fuze out . It was about 3 foot down in the clay and very hard digging , but a good specimen when I did get it . On Thursday , when I was at the O . B . , they again put over a few more in proximity to the battery , but no damage was done . I forgot to mention that they wounded two or three of our brigade staff and one of our subs was taken , to take the orderly officer 's place . He will be away for a few weeks . Our adjutant was also slightly wounded and the 41st narrowly escaped being demolished . Today I was again away at Béthune , at the field cashier 's , drawing money for the Major and , on returning , just got into the straight again when I saw a column of black smoke go up in front of the 41st brigade - the 3 . 9s were at it again . My stables were only a short distance from the crossroads , so I took my first turn to the left and was going along , not knowing quite what to do with my horse , when I met the doctor , who was also in the same predicament . We finally tied our horses up in front of the 70th Battery Mess and went to the doctor 's billet , to survey the shelling . We both decided it was useless to try and go up to the brigade , as we could see they were going to finish them off , so we watched the performance from 400 to 500 yards distance . We stood next to a brick wall at the back of the doctor 's billet and watched events , which came to a close about two . They began at twelve pm . At about one thirty pm , the 70th battery Major spotted us and gave us some lunch . It is extraordinary the way the splinters travel . Every time they burst , we had to get behind the wall , as fragments would come buzzing through the air . By two pm , the Bosch stopped , having executed his work very well . The Infantry headquarters were on fire . Otherwise , he only slightly damaged the 41st . The chemist 's , the 30th and all the houses in between were in ruins . The former was also in flames . A number of casualties occurred , mainly at Infantry HQ , but only one shell frightened us - it made a very good refuse pit in our backyard , 10 yards too far . The devils were also putting shrapnel over our battery during the proceedings . One of our men was touched on the foot . Our Mess is chock - a - block full of refugees from both the brigades . At present we have both colonels in the mess , discussing their whereabouts for tonight and the future . We are taking all we can under cover . Some of them have lost all their kit and have only the things they stand up in . This has been a disastrous day for the brigade headquarters and the infantry chateaux , as the Bosch started shooting on them at about eleven forty - five , and by two there was little left of either the 36th or 41st . The latter was ablaze and the former merely a ruin . When I was on my way back from Béthune , having been to town to get some money for the men going on leave , I just got into the straight where houses begin , when I saw a black obuse burst plumb on the pavé in front of the 41st . Well , I took the first road to the left , as I could see that both I and my horse were better out of the way , as there seemed to be no doubt that they were at it in earnest . On going along towards the Sappers , I met Todd , who had also just come back from Beuvry . He was making for his billet . We hunted about for a safe place for the horses , as splinters were very thick , so we finally retired to the 70th battery Mess and tied our horses to the railings . We then stood behind Todd 's billet and watched the deliberate shelling of the brigades . The shooting was wonderfully accurate and it made us respect the gun ( 5 . 9 ) and the men behind it . One direct hit demolished the 36th absolutely , and the same applies to the other houses opposite the 36th . The 41st were not so badly hit , but there was only one room left undamaged , and part of it was on fire . The Infantry got off lightly , but a number of men were killed in front of the chateaux . Needless to say , there were some miraculous escapes and , at the 41st Brigade dugout , one shell landed at the top step but , luckily , it was a dud or else the occupants - about 14 officers and civilians - would have all gone west . At about three , I went up with an attached officer and Siggers to find the former 's kit in the ruins of one of the dugouts . Well , we were searching about when whizbangs came ( the 77 mm ) , so we bolted for it across the open country . I think I did 100 yards in about 10 seconds flat , with whizbangs bursting in the rear about every five seconds . There was much more damage done than Posted by The day started badly , as there was some bungle made over waking my servant , and it was five to seven when Bates came in to call me . On enquiring from Corporal Rosco the cause of the trouble , I found it was rather complicated , so left for the O . B . post - haste . Bee was up there from the 15th , and he said he saw a large party of Bosch working in the open , to the left and rear of Lone Farm . He said he let fly at them but , if I could have only got there , our guns are registered on those trenches , and we could have both let them have it . I was glad to see that some new crosses had been put up on our rabbit run - one right where my two birds fell , which speaks for itself . We kept very quiet all day , and the Bosch also did very little shooting . It rained in the afternoon , but , after it was over , the air was very clear , although there was a high wind blowing from the south - west , which made accurate shooting very difficult . Suttie and I noticed that the dugout on the fringe of Auchy was still burning , but we could not distinguish what it was that was burning . We saw the flames , but could not see what the material was . It just looked as if the earth was smouldering . The Bosch shelled the battery again in the morning . I wrote a novel , represented by Sheil Land . One publisher thought it was " compelling , but it wouldn 't be easy to categorize - it is somewhere between ' literary ' and ' commercial ' , and would need to be one or the other to be pitched for successfully in an acquisition meeting . " Another said , ' It 's pacy and gripping , and the plot is great , but it lacks that lighter women 's fiction feeling . The writing is undeniably good but I 'm not quite sure how I would position it on our list . ' A third commented that it " is a warm , engaging and easy read but this ' middle market fiction ' is a really tough area ' , while a fourth considered that , " It is a good story ( stories ) well told , but just missing the X - factor that would make me fall in love with it . " I wanted to write an entertaining novel that I would like when I was in the mood for something thoughtful & amusing that I could enjoy without too much effort . If you would like to read it yourself , you can find it at http : / / cargocollective . com / Unrealities / Holding - On - a - novel .
|
Oh and how lucky am I ? Today also happens to be mine and the hubby 's wedding anniversary - 13 years ! I was either a child - bride or I 'm getting old . Neither of those options is very reassuring . So to celebrate we 're going out for dinner tonight - with the entire family … but no worries , Friday night we 'll be going out just the two of us . I 've been very bad , I know ! This has really been a year of starts and stops for me . We 've gone through everything from the typical kid flus and illnesses to some really scary stuff with my mother . I 'm so happy to say that now , everyone is fine . My father has finished all his cancer treatment and is cancer - free . My mother who had surgery to have a tumor removed this spring ( this was not expected and we were really praying for a happy outcome ) also received a clean bill of health . We 're all grateful and I feel like things are now settling down and returning to normal fast - speed . School has started and for the first time ever , I now have 2 kids in school - full day ! ! ! And of course , the first school cold has made it 's way through our house . I 'm not even surprised … enough babbling ? Want some news ? Also , I know a lot of you guys who signed up for my newsletter after I sent the one with the big Evan excerpt one out , didn 't get to read it . So … I 've got a teaser for you below ! I hope you enjoy ! The engine purred , and she turned to him , her fingers gripping gearshift between them . The fear in her eyes propelled him to place his hand over hers . Her hand jumped beneath his . " You can do this , " he said , his voice sounding hoarse to his ears . She gave him a nod and stared straight ahead . And then in a split second , she 'd pulled the key out of the ignition , slipped her hand from his , and practically jumped out of the car . Evan swore under his breath , and before she could get far , he met her outside . Rain poured down , and he grasped her shoulders . She was crying . " Grace , " he said , willing the odd lump in his throat to go down . For some reason , her tears didn 't make him want to run the other way . They made him want to stay . And fix things for her . That should have been his first warning to pull back . She squeezed her eyes shut and leaned her head back against the car , rain mingling with her tears . " I thought I could . I thought I could get all the memories of that day out of my head . But being in the car with you … Evan . It just brought me too close . I don 't want to go back and conquer anything . I can 't do it . I 'm sorry . " He felt helpless for a second as he watched the torture play across her delicate features . But he wasn 't a helpless kind of man . He didn 't sit around and watch people suffer . He didn 't know what the hell he was feeling , what he was thinking , except that he needed Grace to feel safe . He didn 't want that . He didn 't want her gratitude . He wanted everything but her gratitude right now … and if that wasn 't about to complicate the hell out of everything . All the promises he made not to get involved … He let go of her wrists and braced his hands on the car , on either side of her head , taking a step closer , feeling the shiver of awareness that ran through her . Maybe he could convince himself that this was his civic duty . Good Samaritan stuff and all that other crap that was involved when a person lived in a small town like Red River . He was more than willing to sacrifice himself and offer up the best thing he could offer for easing any kind of pain . He leaned down and gently kissed the soft flesh beneath her earlobe . She clutched his biceps and let out the sexiest sound that had every single reason why he and Grace couldn 't happen flying out the window . He trailed kisses along her wet skin until he reached her gorgeous , soft mouth . First up ? Yesterday 's winner ? Nicola ! Nicola , just email me your details - along with the print book of your choice and I 'll send along your prize : ) . Today 's the last day of the contest ( don 't forget I have that newsletter going out soon , so if you 're not already signed up , make sure you do ! ) . It 's also the last day of the t - ball tournament - and it 's raining . Think 7YO 's in the mud and lots of laundry . Today 's contest question … do you love Christmas books ? Do you read them even when it 's not Christmas ? I 'm a sucker for a good Christmas romance and I had really hoped to have a Christmas release this year , but it just didn 't work with my schedule but I 'm tempted to write another one for next Christmas : ) . Today 's contest is super easy because , well , it 's Friday and I 'm wiped ! How about you guys ? Since I didn 't post a new contest yesterday , I will do another one tomorrow . DS is in a T - ball tournament all weekend so I might be late in posting . Also , don 't forget if you haven 't signed up for my newsletter , the big one is going out soon , filled with Red River news and contests , and the longest Evan excerpt ever ; - ) . Okay - so today 's question : Do you like revisiting the same town / characters in romance or are you up for a new , fresh start every time ? Here 's what I 'm getting at … after Evan 's book I 'm not sure I want to leave Red River yet … seems like there might be a lot more characters in Red River that need to have their stories told … what do you think ? I 'll pick one random winner and announce tomorrow ! The Prize ? A print copy of EITHER BEST MAN or RISK + a digital copy of A RECIPE FOR ROMANCE ( an awesome book ! ) from my good friend and talented writer , Olivia Miles . Friday , July 18 , 2014 Victoria James 21 Comments Filed Under : Blog Doctor Manning has left the building ! Well , its officially gone . The third manuscript in the Red River Series has been handed in to my lovely editor today . If you 've been following along , you 'll know that Evan Manning was the most difficult of the Manning brothers to write . And you know how this was the secret baby book … which also posed major challenges for me . I also had to make sure there were some moments with the other Manning clan … and another happy ending for another deserving couple as well . I can 't say anymore … but well , this picture sums it up nicely 😉 OMG , so here it is , The Doctor 's Saving Grace is due this week . The book is done . But I can 't hit send yet . I 'll let scenes and dialogue mull around in my head until Thursday , when I have to send it in . Of course , this extra little time also means time to doubt myself . I may have mentioned once or twice how difficult this book was to write … Evan Manning has successfully made me ball my eyes out . The things that have happened to Evan and Grace … geez , I didn 't know how I was going to get them to a happy place . I really didn 't . And then I remembered an email from my lovely editor , something about how she 'd like to see something light and funny … oh god . It 's a little late for light and funny with these two . There is of course , humour , there always has to be . But this book 's trope - the secret baby was just a tear - jerker of a topic for me . Especially when the baby 's father is dear , Evan Manning . But , I guess Evan wasn 't always a dear … I know people are divided on this kind of trope and I now know why . I hope I was able to deal with most of the issues that people have with the whole secret baby thing . Grace had her reasons , she was justified … until she discovered the truth … There 's plenty of the old Red River gang in this book - Quinn , Holly , Jake , Claire , Mrs . Jacobs , all of them , and their kids . If I know anything about the Manning brothers , it 's that a little baby , or a child will melt their hearts and make them into the men they need to be . Something about a father 's love for their child that makes them the ultimate hero … So this week , I 'm handing in the third book in the Red River Series - fingers crossed my lovely editor likes it ( I may even ask her when she is planning on reading it so that I know when to start incessantly stalking my inbox ) . DS 's last t - ball game of the season is this Wednesday night . Family will be attending the big gala game and trophies will be handed out . I believe we 've promised ice cream after 🙂 Hmm … this was supposed to be a motivational Monday post , wasn 't it ? How about this ? Never give up ? Cheesy , okay , but it 's been a rough few weeks ! In my feeble attempt to make amends for being such an absentee blogger , I think I 'm going to implement a schedule … yup , I am going to attempt to go back to regular blogging . You 've all been so great with the emails and the newsletter sign - ups so I need make a better effort at regular blogging ! And there is so much happening , so I need to get back to ' sharing ' mode and connect with all of you … Things have been pretty hectic since I 'm a little behind with everything . I was pretty sick ( nothing horrible ) a while ago and completely fell behind . I blogged about it on The Hot Pink Typewriter last month . Anyway , I 'm doing much better now - only to have summer holidays in full swing over here ! It 'll be a bit challenging to try and stay on track this summer , but the non - control - freak part of me ( it 's an infinitely small space that comes out for a few weeks at a time ) is looking forward to no routine . We 'll be heading down to the beach for a few weeks hopefully ( laptop will be joining us , of course ) for some family time . What am I working on now ? Well , in less than four weeks the last book in my Red River Series is due ! This book is has been very challenging … namely because of the hero , Evan Manning . Definately the darkest of the siblings , a true alpha that has put me through the ringer . The woman who challenges him is , Grace - and she 's about to turn his life upside down in a way he could never imagine . My working title for this book has been " The Doctor 's Saving Grace " ( which I thought was kind of clever , hehe ) but I know that title will be changed . I am excited to let you know that at the end of The Best Man 's Baby ( coming next month ! ) there will be an exclusive excerpt of Evan and Grace 's story ! In a little over a month , Jake and Claire 's story will be released ( The Best Man 's Baby ) and I 'm so excited - not even nervous yet ! Oh , and I 've seen the cover ! Another gorgeous one - as soon as I can share it I will . I think it will be going up for pre - order on Amazon at the end of the month … Thank you all for being so patient with me ! But never think twice about sending me an email - it 's one thrill I will never get tired of . Really , reading and answering your emails are always a special treat 🙂 It 's almost Monday - which means only a few days until the release of A RISK WORTH TAKING ! ! ! I can 't wait to share this book with you - and the gorgeous cover . I look at it a few times a day and it 's sooooo hard to keep it to myself ! The cover really captures the mood of the book and of Holly & Quinn . " I never kissed you the way I wanted to because I knew that if I did I wouldn 't be able to stop . I wouldn 't be able to get enough of you . And if I had thought for one second that you meant what you said that night , I would have come after you , " he said . - Quinn For some reason , neither of my kids seem to do well with change . Last week , sleep schedules were completely off , DD woke up a minimum of three times a night and skipped her nap at least twice . My attempts at writing in the bakery / coffee shop weren 't as successful as I 'd hoped and I spent most of my time watching DS charm the locals . He is so friendly and in typical small - town fashion , everyone stopped to talk to us . DS was delighted by this , and was quick to offer some of his " artwork " to interested patrons . And there is now a delightful picture of " Lightning McQueen " hanging in the bakery - only after DS made the owner of the bakery agree that it had to stay on the wall forever . Now we 're home and back to a somewhat normal routine , though DS still has this week off school . We have some fun day trips planned and working during the day will be tricky , but I 'm counting on my evenings again . Oh , BTW , my morning routine got scrapped once DS got wind of me waking early and repeatedly woke up to keep me company . So back to evenings … I 'm Victoria James . I love to write charming , heartfelt romance . I blog about my books , family , decorating , and maybe the odd post on coffee . Thanks for visiting ! A man that lost his love of his life but he might have room for another woman if only he gives it a chance . A woman that can 't trust anyone because of what happened with her father but a cowboy might just be the one to pass her test . This was such a warm , emotional … Read more " I love stories that I can get lost in and just sigh when they end . " The Rancher 's Second ChanceMonica Cardoza ( Amazon Reviewer ) Read More Victoria James Book ReviewsCole … he 's well … he 's my lord he 's hot is what that man is … Cole … he 's well … he 's my lord he 's hot is what that man is , " seconds later Cole Forrester filled up the doorway and her mind . He was a solid , six feet two inches of hard , beautiful man . There wasn 't a soft spot on his well - defined , hard - working body . His low - slung , well - worn jeans outlined his long legs and narrow hips . … Read more " Cole … he 's well … he 's my lord he 's hot is what that man is … " The Rancher 's Second Chanceandrewsheath ( Amazon Reviewer ) Read More Victoria James Book ReviewsThis book should become a Christmas staple to women all over , because that 's how fantastic it is ! I 've had Christmas spirit since the start of November , but I can fully assure you all that even if I wasn 't , The Billionaire 's Christmas Baby would bring it on with a bang ! Filled with holiday cheer and tears , Victoria James once again managed to amaze me , by tugging on my heart string until I couldn 't … Read more " This book should become a Christmas staple to women all over , because that 's how fantastic it is ! " The Billionaire 's Christmas BabyBookishLove ( Amazon Reviewer ) Read More Victoria James Book ReviewsEvery now and again an author is able to write a book that you fall in love with Every now and again an author is able to write a book that you fall in love with , and engages you in such a way that even when you have finished reading , the story seems to live on in your soul . The Best Man 's Baby by Victoria James is one of those kind of books . … Read more " Every now and again an author is able to write a book that you fall in love with " The Best Man 's BabyHarlequin Junkie BlogRead More Victoria James Book ReviewsThe Best Man 's Baby is a great story that I did not want to end . The Best Man 's Baby is my first Victoria James book . I can say without a DOUBT , it will not be my last . I was sucked into the book immediately . I couldn 't wait to find out the secret Jake was carrying around and the outcome for this couple . Claire Holbrook is the best friend of Jake 's … Read more " The Best Man 's Baby is a great story that I did not want to end . " The Best Man 's BabyKim ( Read Your Writes ) Read More Victoria James Book ReviewsWonderful sense of humor , often causing me to burst out loud in laughter at surprising moments I love holiday romances and this one doesn 't disappoint ! The cozy winter setting makes this a perfect book to curl up with on a chilly night , and a great way to kick off the holiday season . The writing is vivid and fresh , and the author creates a beautiful landscape for her characters that makes you … Read more " Wonderful sense of humor , often causing me to burst out loud in laughter at surprising moments " The Billionaire 's Christmas BabyMegan ( Amazon Reviewer ) Read More Victoria James Book ReviewsShe has moved her way up to the top of my " Favorite Authors " list . Melanie Simms is an up and coming wedding planner based in Passion Creek . Her good friend Corrin ( Cori ) is getting married soon and Melanie wants the low key - high society wedding to go off without a hitch . The problem ? Cori is out of town having emergency surgery and there are wedding details that still need to … Read more " She has moved her way up to the top of my " Favorite Authors " list . " The Rancher 's Second ChanceSapphyria 's Book ReviewsRead More Victoria James Book ReviewsOne Epic Read ! Summation of the story - Meet wedding planner Melanie who happens to be the bride 's ( Cori ) best friend . Cori can 't make it home to finalise details for her nuptials so she leaves it to Melanie . Adding to the mix is Cori 's hotter than hot rancher brother Cole , who is grieving over losing his wife of … Read more " One Epic Read ! " The Rancher 's Second ChanceTalking Books BlogRead More Victoria James Book ReviewsA wonderfully heart - warming and emotional , yet sexy romance , a MUST read ! One of the biggest ( and best ) surprises of 2012 was discovering Victoria James and reading her debut novel The Billionaire 's Christmas Baby . So as you can see A Risk Worth Taking started with an unfair head start it had to measure up to its predecessor , and I am very happy and relieved to report that … Read more " A wonderfully heart - warming and emotional , yet sexy romance , a MUST read ! " A Risk Worth TakingStella ( Ex Libris ) Read More Victoria James Book Reviews
|
To my son Tommy , Science often struggles with seemingly contradictory items or states existing at the same time in the same space . In fact , you only have to look at two of the biggest ideas , quantum mechanics and relativity , to see the conundrum presented when they try to reconcile what they know of each to the other . The heart , however , has no problem existing in two or more states at any one time , even if science or our own brains can 't always reconcile this . Take the feelings felt during Christmas . We feel joy and that is expected . But amongst the delight and exhilaration of the holidays , we also feel sorrow for the loss of those that have gone before us . Happiness and grief existing in the same heart simultaneously . Each tear that rolled from my eyes was filled with joy and sorrow , hopes and fears , love and pain , and we don 't have to overthink it or understand it at all . Merry Christmas to all , those with us here and present , and those with us in our hearts forevermore . To my son Tommy , I am not sure what Lego Ned Flanders did , but it must have been bad . Poor Ned has to realize there are consequences and repercussions for doing things with bones . It is like a conservative conundrum , the NRA vs the ultra conservative holier than thou Christian . The amount of money that I 'd spend to stay one day with total uninhibited acces in that imagination of yours would be quite large indeed . Sincerely with love from your dad , Leo To my son Tommy , Some people scoff at stuff that is old . They say it is aged and outdated . But here you are , enthralled , watching my old Cloak and Dagger tape on an outdated VHS technology . Story trumps all and even a simple straight forward kids spy plot can captivate a six year old and a forty one year old . Sincerely with love from your dad , Leo To my son Tommy , I am not sure if you can tell by the picture , but you can tell it is a Monday when somehow you put on your button down shirt inside out . Not sure I even have the strength , desire , or will to change it . There will be days like this , my son , oh so many ( too many ) days like this . Sincerely with love from your dad , Leo To my son Tommy , The tree is up ( much kudos to your mom as always ) just in time for the twelve days of Christmas countdown . The train is around the base of the tree and runs without hitch . With the way we chose to set up , we get to decorate all the way around the tree rather than the limitations of a tree stuck in a corner . We still are working I the crèche and scenes and statues . When moving , there is no act quite so significant that makes a new home feel like YOUR home than setting up a Christmas tree . Even if the rest of your new place is in a state of flux and semi disarray , set up your tree . Sincerely with love from your dad , Leo To my son Tommy , Taking the day off from work today . After working 88 + hours this week , I need to disconnect . During this long work week I learned that software roll outs suck eggs and I have some amazing coworkers who will work long hours with me to help me and our company right . Anyway , I slept in to 5 : 40 today , which is about two hours of sleeping in for me compared to the last three weeks . I tried to sleep till later , but my body has adapted to the early hours now . Anyways I decided to do some chores . As I was straightening the basement , I came upon this little school project pictured above . It says , " If I were a scarecrow , I would guard some money and guard the crops . " Evidently my bank needs more scarecrows to protect money ! I would say my wallet needs a pocket scarecrow , but I think I have more crops than money in my wallet . I like the crow the best . Sincerely with love from dad , Leo Some people say you have to hit rock bottom before things change . Some say you have to just ride the downside of the roller coaster before you can climb to its peaks again . The problem with this is , in life at least , the lowest point is subjective . There is no hard firm rock bottom while you live , as things can always get worse . That last part is worth repeating . THINGS CAN ALWAYS GET WORSE ! Especially if you are waiting around for them to get worse before you do anything to make them better ! Take for example my perception of my life the past month or so . I was / am in the middle of a software roll out from Hades . If something could go wrong with this ( now ) million dollar changeover , it has and continues to . Over budget ? Yep . Missed deadlines ? Yep . Unfulfilled promises ? Yep . etc . etc . And of course with this goes with all the other things in life we are already dealing with . Between medical , and moving , and family , and your school , and check engine lights , and finances , poor contractor work in the basement , and everything else that you can think of , in addition to my workload . . . let 's just say that most people would say " What could get worse ? " How about a scare of bladder cancer ? That would make it worse . Your Poppop Frazier had that happened to him , which in turn happens to us . They found what they thought to be a tumor in the bladder on your Poppop and they were going to have to do a biopsy . Your mom said to me that she has faith that God will just not give us anymore to handle because we already have enough . She in essence believes we are at rock bottom already and that the news will have to turn out alright because how much more can we take . I had my doubts , in God , in rock bottom , in things turning out for the best . So the pathology comes in . It is negative , which is a good thing , negative for cancer . And a couple things in work seemed to start going alright . Not great , but showing promise . Maybe there is something to this rock bottom thing . Maybe finally God is looking down on this lowly ant in his ant farm and saying enough already . Upswing here I come ! Wrong . Cut to this week . We went live on this software change out . Of course one whole area of the data migration was not done , so at least four departments of my company couldn 't do anything . Your Grandpa Leo got his MRI results back and the brain tumor is growing but the doctors tried to explain it away as scar tissue healing in the inside of the tumor from where the laser was aimed at it , but I am not sure if I buy their gooey liquid inside jelly bean concept . Your mom got her MREnterography results and her gastro doctor tells her that the crohn 's disease is pretty spread and he has throw his hands in the air and has no idea what to do for her except more surgery . This is has me worried and more importantly your mom worried , frustrated , and depressed . Oh and she has pneumonia with her compromised immune system brought to you by the drugs she is taking for crohns that obviously aren 't working . You are under the weather as well and have an ear infection going on and a cough that you have been on for antibiotics . I am working sixteen plus hours a day ( holidays and weekends included ) to salvage this software roll out from the brink of utter failure as is your Great Aunt who is right there beside me trying to save it . So we fell through that rock bottom of a few weeks ago like it was a hole in the third floor of a non OSHA approved work site . Now , I can wallow and wait for the other shoe to drop . Wait for life to throw more at me that is in or out of my control . Or I can just keep on keeping on and do something to make today better . If you are falling from the top of a one hundred foot tree and try to grab each branch along the way , you probably will continue falling but may survive the landing . If you are falling from the top of that same tree and grab the first branch and it breaks and you say it isn 't worth the effort and decide to just wait till you hit bottom before doing anything about it ? Well good luck with surviving that . You made your dentist cry the other day , but in a good way . You see the world right now seems to be in constant turmoil . There were a bunch of terrorist attacks across the globe ( Paris got the most press but also in places like Beirut and Baghdad ) that have filled many with despair . It is tough to see the good in this world when all that is shown to us , be it through media or propaganda , is hate and terror and war and death . We all need hope , a glimmer of light , something to hold onto . It made the dentist tear up . She explained ( before excusing herself to compose herself ) that with all the bad in this world , with all the things that are going wrong , she needed something to restore her faith and hope for humanity . She said she really needed that . And like a little flower that dares grow first in that small thaw patch in the snow after a long hard desolate winter , your answer supplied that hope . To my son Tommy , Little boy blue come blow your horn . The sheep are in the meadow , the cows are in the corn . One of the great things about cleaning up the basement is finding my old treasures . Here you are trying to call to the cows using my old bugle . A quick lesson in embouchure and you were blowing away . Think you even got two different notes out . Not too shabby . Sincerely with love from your dad , Leo Today is your mommy and my anniversary ! You know what grandiose plans we have ? Let me list them out so you have ideas of how to spend a joyous anniversary . What ? Doesn 't sound like a way to celebrate an anniversary ? Listen , marriage is work . Marriage is hard work . And an anniversary celebrates this hard work , today with more hard work . Sure we will try to steal away some time for ourselves , but in the same sense the time we spend working together is time for ourselves . Among the typical work filled day for us , if you throw in a few times saying " Happy Anniversary " and a couple extra times saying " I love you " and maybe a " Holy crap we made it seven years " you have our anniversary . And that is okay for us . If anything could be considered inevitable , you needing glasses some day tops that list . Your mother needs glasses ; your father needs glasses ; your grandparents need glasses ; you come from a long line of glasses wearers . Barring any super scientific gene correction ocular therapy procedure , you are going to be sporting the spectacles , more likely sooner than later . In fact , you put on my glasses today and then said you could read the letters on the television better . I know they say you should never wear another persons prescription glasses in fear of damage to your eyesight , but they also say if you make faces you might get your face stuck like that . They lie to you . Anyways , last year the eye doctor said you could hold off on glasses . We have another annual appointment coming soon . When we took the picture of you , you laughed and said you looked funny and different . You might have your own pair of glasses sooner than you think . To my son Tommy , Mommy and I had this bright idea to let you pick your own color of paint for your own room . Perhaps that was too bright of an idea . You picked what you described as Oriole Orange , what Valspar describes as Island Orange , and what we describe as Construction Safety Orange . Well it is never too early for you to learn that you may have to live with the consequences of your choices ! Sincerely with love from your dad , Leo To the next guy , it doesn 't mean what it would to you . To the next guy it is just junk and he is pissed off that he has to clean up after you . The next guy doesn 't know or care about your best intentions when he has to clean up an unfinished project . The next guy doesn 't consider your dream or vision as he cleans up . The next guy doesn 't know how much it cost or how much time and effort you put into it . Even if the next guy is the most compassionate and considerate and comes at the clean up with the most delicate touch and best intentions , he will still make mistakes . The only one who will care as much as you , is you . When I clean up your mess , things get thrown out that I think are trash . Unfinished Lego projects ( or even finished ones from time to time ) left on the floor are broken down to fit back in a Lego box . Drawings you left around might end up in the recycling . I don 't know if this sword is from a teenage mutant ninja turtle or some other pantheon of characters so it might end up in the wrong box , and " lost " forever . You see , I am the next guy . When Mommy runs the vacuum cleaner , and the vacuum makes that tell tale rattle of a small toy piece , she doesn 't think twice . If it was important , it would have been cleaned up already . When we clean out the car , and throw out that special rock that you saved , if it was important you would have moved it somewhere safe . This might seem harsh , especially when talking about a first grader , but this is a tough learned lesson that will happen throughout your life . You got problems in your department at work ? And someone has to come in and fix your department ? They are going to change and move and adjust and throw out things without any consideration for you . They are there to clean up the mess and the fact that you put so much effort into this or that means nothing to them . They just know what you were doing as a whole was not working . So they throw out the good with the bad . They don 't want to have to be there , and you don 't want them there , but because you left a mess that needs cleaning or fixing , there they are . And they will put in senseless rules and senseless solutions to fix the mess and make more of a mess and there is no one to blame but yourself . Just ask any VA employee . We are going through this with the move dealing with two households of " collecting " junk . We try our hardest to be considerate and compassionate , but unfinished projects , un - given presents , unused supplies , etc . , all junk to me . I don 't care that it was bought nine years ago to hang in this one spot , if it was important it would have been hung . I don 't care that you could write on the backside of this half used old paper , it is taking up space . If it is so important , how did you live without it for the twenty years while it was boxed up downstairs ? I don 't care about the vision of how it could be used or how it was used in the past . I bring my own visions and my own feelings and my own memories and my own sense of value . They aren 't going to be the same as other peoples . I have seen too many times all those " valuables " selling on a table for twenty five cents at an estate sale . Will really valuable items be thrown out because I don 't know their real value ? Sure . I was stopped in my efforts to donate some clothes because evidently I was donating a thirty year old burberry jacket that is probably worth one thousand dollars . I didn 't know , and if it was so valuable , why was it stuck in the closet downstairs in my old bedroom that I had to gut to get ready for the move in . Of course , I left my donation project unfinished at that moment , but I think someone else , the next guy , came by and completed the donation . So some lucky St Vincent De Paul beneficiary is walking around in style ! Didn 't fit any of us , anyhow . Got an old Apple IIe computer ( and an old Texas Instruments computer and an old Atari ) that I am about to throw out . Probably worth money some where to someone who collects vintage computer stuff . . . but I don 't have time to look it up and it is taking up space . Out it goes . Then there is the priceless , which is a code word that means junk with no real value other than sentimental . Yep , some of that might go too . Will I have to go spend real money to replace something that we will find out we really did need a couple months after I throw it out ? Probably ! But oh well . So if you want to keep your toys , if you want to keep your future jobs , if you want to keep your priceless mementos , clean up your own mess . Make sure everything is kept orderly and neat so the next guy sees that someone cares or at least cared at one time . Because in the end , you can 't take any of this crap with you . My next guy is going to be you when you inherit all my crap . My advice to you , quickly make the garbage collector the next guy in the chain . For hopefully I will have passed on something more important to you . And those items at my estate sale ? . . . well that is just things , material things . Take a picture of it , share a memory , and off it goes . Then look for what was really left to you and hopefully you will know that you were and still are loved . I chuckled internally trying to keep that stern face . " Go ahead and go , then homework , then some cleaning up , then some dinner . " I love the power of " the " look though I know one day soon its power will fade . I think I heard you mumble something about how Mommy is a bit easier when you come home from school . But she was at the hospital with your PopPop . They took him there in the morning by ambulance . And that is why you got me busting your balls yesterday . After everything was done . . . potty , lunch box cleaning , homework , math , reading , dinner , living room cleaning , a load of dishes , etc . . . you and I got some play time while we waited for Mommy to come home . Today , we found out that PopPop has an infection called cellulitis that had spread and was really getting the better of him . He will soon be on some very serious antibiotics , like flagyl which evidently the napalm of the antibiotic world . So he is in store for a rough couple days , but I think he will end up getting better quickly . As for the orderly manner of doing things after school , I apologize . In times of crisis I don 't have time for pleasantries or time wasting . Things need to be done and I don 't want them looming if plans have to be changed at the last moment . So I get a bit commanding and demanding . Unfortunately our lives seem to be in constant crisis . It is a rare moment when at least one person in our circle of family and friends is not in mortal peril . But through the turmoil , I have learned a lesson . You still have to make time for those moments , like playing Minecraft PE with your son , or heading off to Sweet Frog , or cuddling while watching a movie or better yet while reading a book . Because life is ( or can be ) a series of constant crises and sometimes you just have to make those moments that make it worth living through each and every challenge . To my son Tommy , " Am I a smoker now ? " you asked with a whimper and tears in your eyes . I couldn 't help but chuckle as I tried to reassure you that you had not smoked . You had found your Great Great Uncle Mickey Slagle 's pipe ( pictured above ) and stuck it in your mouth . We had to go to YouTube so you could see all the things necessary for smoking a pipe . Since you didn 't have fire and tobacco , you were fine . But it still hasn 't sunk in . We had a long conversation about smoking and how you shouldn 't start and how your mom and I smoked and how lots of people used to smoke . We had constant reassurance that you didn 't have to check mark " smoker " on any future applications and how it is best never to start . We talked about how your mom and I quit because we wanted more years in our life to continue to get to know you . Not sure how much sunk in , but you nodded and then asked with tears coming back , " Do I smoke now ? " Sincerely with love from your dad , Leo Had jury duty today and picked you up around 5pm . Mom is off working more on the basement . We were rushing around getting dinner done and moving on to homework in a second but I thought this little conversation worth reporting . To my son Tommy , I would be remiss if I didn 't write to you on your first day of school . It is obligatory and I could have my " daddy card " revoked if I didn 't . I love that you are excited for your first day of school . No tears from you . I had to wrangle you in to give hugs to Bwama and Poppop who came to see you and Ryan as St Agnes started up its school year for the 150th time . After the forced hugs , you quickly ran off to your friends . Hugs and high fives and a whole bunch of " Great to see you again " . I think I even heard you compliment someone 's shoes . Speaking of footwear , notice the brown shoes in the pic . Those are required now that you are a highfalutin first grader . Now you need to learn to tie them ! Sincerely with love from your dad , LeoP . S . Poppop got some pics at the school . Will see if I can add them later . You can try diversion . You can try avoidance . You can try denial . You can try alcohol . You can try to fill your entire weekend with something new and different and fun filled like spending it camping for your brother - in - law 's 40th , complete with tubing down a lazy river and such . You can try all types of crazy things or techniques . . . But none of it will protect you from the sadness of an anniversary of the loss of a loved one . Tommy , you would have made one heck of a big brother . Rest in peace Baby Sal . To my son Tommy , I often worry about being a broken record and how often I repeat myself . How many times can you say " love is the way " and in how many different ways ? How many times do I need to remind you that life is often difficult and unfair , but it matters not how often you get crapped upon but more about your attitude and how you approach the many challenges of life ? How many times can you say brain tumors and seizures suck and we are back in the hospital and trying to keep a positive attitude ? I guess as many times as I have to . And as you can see by the picture , yet again there is another ER trip for your Granpa Leo . The hat and low lights are to reduce seizures . He is being admitted for observation . Sincerely with love from your dad , Leo Today , after work , I stopped by your grandparents ' house . You and Mommy were there earlier to take Nana Jeanne to the hospital but had already left . I did a few chores ( trash out , computer updates , go over mom 's recent doc appointment helping hand here and there ) and just visited for a bit of time . I searched my mind 's store of Spanish vocabulary and remembered that " mosca " is Spanish for fly . Evidently you and he were hunting flies . One of you , not sure which , suggested you make disguises to fool the flies so you could get closer with your swatter . He came out in his mask , as seen in the picture I snapped ( not sure why he was carrying a bag of lemons though ) . Even the eyes had a punch of pin prick holes to mimic fly eyes . Your mask looked good too . You never know what to expect when you get your Grandpa Leo and you together , but there is a high probability of it being off the wall but filled with love ! Your father is a bitter pill . I am blunt , direct , forward , and often harsh or downright abrasive . I used to rationalize this as I have the necessary lack of tact for the occasion rather than I lack the necessary tact . I used to think this served me well and was a good thing born from experience . . Years of being too nice or too easy going often got me walked on , taken advantage of , or taken for granted . As I grew and extended my practical contact with people , I learned where to remain guarded , and untrusting , and firm , and harsh , and demanding , and unforgiving . I no longer consider it a positive . I have come to realize you can be nice and firm at the same time . You can be pleasant and easy in your manners and ways while still being mostly direct . You get more flies with honey . Sweeter words are easier to swallow just in case you have to eat your words . " No thank you " is as just as effective as " NO ! That is stupid ! Not now ! Not ever ! " Now the key is putting this realization into action . That is much easier said than done in my age . When you have been burned so many times before over forty one years , you get set in your ways . But this is not how I want you to grow up . I want you to be gentle and sweet and nice , like you are now . In order for you to stay that way , I know I have to change my ways , because example is the most powerful teacher . I want you to learn that nice isn 't always saying yes , and no doesn 't mean you have to be harsh . I am not saying abandon what you know to be correct ( which I do occasionally , much to my later dismay ) but just be nice about how you go about explaining why it needs to be done that way . I want you to have patience when you teach , and patience when you have to explain something over and over . I want you to learn to sway people to your thinking rather than ramming what you think is right down their throat . Basically , I want you to learn to be the quintessential Irishman and have the ability to tell someone to go to hell and look forward to the trip . Don 't let life change you for the worse my son . Don 't grow up to be a grumpy jaded old man like your dad who only wants to tell you once and has no time for people who can 't see what is " right " right away . Be kind . Be gentle . Be loving . Inspire people to be better people . Inspire other people to be kind . Maybe then , this world will have a chance . To my son Tommy , There are times where I dig deep and attempt to find those profound pearls of wisdom . This is not one of those times . I guess you can file this on practical tip . Okay , enough build up . If there is anyway at all you can avoid it , never sneeze while eating sushi . I learned this little nugget just today , and , after picking up the 52nd grain of rice that scattered just about everywhere , I decided to share . Not sure how you avoid it , that you will have to figure out on your own . Sincerely with love from your dad , Leo I truly believe that our society has reached a new height in misinformation . At no point in human history have people so readily dismissed the truth but at the same time accepted the most absurd ideas as fact . We live in an age where people believe honey and cinnamon can cure everything ( or so sayeth the digital article ) and news of a person 's death can go viral thrice over , years after the event . No longer do we understand the difference between causation and correlation and coincidence . We live on headlines and click bait and can somehow discern the entire story without reading another word . Oh Paul Harvey where are you now ? We are in desperate need of the rest of the story . Yet the same tool ( I mean the Internet and not Al Gore ) that seemingly created this mess may be the same apparatus to get us out . For a tool is not inherently good nor evil . Only in the reflection of how it is used does a device , method , or means take on such characteristics . The Internet easily reflects back our abundant human flaws because we allow it , but this does not have to be . We have to change our hearts and minds and in extension how we use the tools in our lives . We must use our voices , be it through the Internet or print or in person , to spread truth . We must approach each story presented to us with a critical mind and a healthy dose of skepticism . We must delve in deep to the entire story and not allow a snippet of information , purposely written to trick us into a click , to have such a great influence on what we think . We must demand truth and accuracy from all sources of information , be it politician or press or the person down the street . We must avoid all media that continue to feed off half truths and fears and opinion masquerading as news , in hopes that their profit disappear and with it their unscrupulous ways . We must challenge those of our friends and family that share the unfounded and absurd as if it was fact . We must be cautious in what we pass along and be careful in our own certainty . We must once again recognize the harm in each untruth spoken or shared and no longer forgive ourselves by dismissing the action as harmless or justifying it as well intended . Even your own father 's words , it pains me to say , must not be blindly accepted . As Walt Whitman wrote in Song of Myself , " You shall no longer take things at second or third hand , nor look through the eyes of the dead , nor feed on the spectres in books , You shall not look through my eyes either , nor take things from me , You shall listen to all sides and filter them from your self . " Seek truth my son and speak truth my son . Thus ends my birthday weekend . And a grand weekend it was . The majority of it was spent tiling and doing home improvement type stuff . Well , mostly I sat around just playing helper to your mom who is sort of a D . I . Y ( Do It Yourself ) queen . Occasionally I got to play some Minecraft with you and your mom let me out to the local casino for a little , but according to my muscles , most of my time was spent squatting on a floor laying mud and tile . You might think that is not a great way to spend a birthday weekend , but you would be wrong . Just because it was a bit domestic and chore like , doesn 't mean I didn 't have a great time . We made great progress on the basement ( looks good in the pic right ? Only 1200 sq ft more to go ! ) . Plus I got to use a tile saw which is something new to me . Also I learned a bunch of new home improvement techniques . Of course my education consisted of learning what not to do the next time , but that is okay too . Your mom and I were working well as a team and having so much fun ( mostly ) laughing at our mistakes that it almost made me forget why we need to redo the basement . Still , sobering thought aside , I was always surrounded by family this weekend . Friday started with a big " Happy Birthday " surprise wake up call that made your mother nearly hit the ceiling from a dead sleep . You then gave me cuddles and hugs and even some back scratches . What a great start ! And you were so excited to give me my gifts , which were two pairs of flip flops ! I had put a nail through the left one of my last pair the night before while working on the basement , which wouldn 't have been so bad if my foot wasn 't in it at the time . We had dinner with your grandparents and Nana Jeanne every night , when your mom and I could tear ourselves away from the basement . I always enjoy family dinner with the Downeys and hope that same dinner dynamic continues when we have to move in to take care of your grandpa and everyone . You still lead us in grace with the song you learned at St Agnes . We have to keep a weathered eye for food wrappers that occasionally make it into the dish when your Grandma Roro cooks , but if that is the only hazard then it is worth the risk . As for today though , it was a sad anniversary . Your Nana Jeanne and your Great Grandpa Leo would have been married seventy years today , the platinum anniversary . I could tell he was on her mind and in her heart today . I think it was good for us to be up there for most of today , even though you and her had a little spat . You were being a bit rambunctious and your Nana Jeanne needed some calm and of course Mommy and I were down in the basement trying to figure out grouting techniques . Anyways , you took offense to your Nana Jeanne finally telling you to knock it off , but after some words were exchanged ( by letter even ) you apologized and told ( again by letter ) your great grandma that you loved her . Funny thing about anniversaries , and birthdays , and other special dates . . . they never stop . Even if you wanted them to , they just keep coming , as time tends to do . Some times they can be causes for joyous celebration , while other times they can be a bit sad . If you surround yourself with your family and friends , you can get through and feel blessed no matter what type of anniversary it is . Their love make the happiest days better and the saddest days easier . That is the reason we are working on the basement for my birthday weekend . So when the time comes to move in to help , we can be there to give our love , to give of ourselves . And that is the best birthday gift I can give myself . To everyone else , it is just another Fathers ' Day . Unfortunately , I have been enlightened to know that any day , including Father 's day , is not just another day . Every day is a gift to be treasured and experienced to its fullest . Sounds good right ? Yet I say that I have been unfortunately enlightened . I say unfortunately because it can be quite worrisome and burdensome to think of each day in the sense of its potential lasts . This could be the last Fathers ' Day I spend with my dad . A week ago , I was calm and this was the farthest thought from my mind . I was living in the moment and not the future , and if you got to live that is the time period to live in . But now the " What do you want to do for Father 's day ? " question had all this false importance I was projecting on it . My sense of responsibility , coupled with a heaping amount of Catholic guilt and regret , says that I should make this day , and every day to come for that matter , the most memorable . . . for it may be the last . Should I be throwing him a party every day ? What do you give to a man who has given you everything ? What do you give a man who is facing a timetable that 's only certainty is its pessimistic outlook ? Hallmark doesn 't make a card sufficient for times like this , trust me I 've looked . So I went over to your Grandpa Leo 's house yesterday . He was laying down in bed . I cleared off your Grandma Roro 's spot and layed down next to him , a practice I have recently adopted . It is nice in that room when the t . v . is off and the fan is on and it is all dark . Something peaceful and calming and secure when I lay down next to my daddy . I told him not to get up , because he hasn 't yet accustomed himself to me just wanting to lay down next to him and usually he tries to get up right away and ruins the moment and interrupts the rest he needs , thus making me feel worse about the world . As we laid there mostly in silence , I sighed a big sigh as relief and tranquility started to come on to me . Your Grandpa Leo : " Yeah . Something I can wear out of the house and not embarrass anyone I am with . These pajama pants aren 't cutting it and the jeans are just too hard to deal with if bathroom urges strike . Don 't move as fast as I used to . " I continued on telling him all the ideas I had go through my head about the gifts I should get him . He laughed a little at each . Even said some would be perfectly nice . But in the end , I am getting your grandpa sweatpants for this Fathers ' Day and hopefully a couple more pairs for next Fathers ' Day and the one after that . I was back to living in the moment , just me and my daddy , laying next to each other , staring at a ceiling . That lasted until your Grandma Roro decided we were being too lazy or having too much funny and all of a sudden needed some . . . I don 't know what the hell she needed , but it was something that couldn 't wait . Here are the secrets of life that dawned on me . This Fathers ' Day could be the last . Last Fathers ' Day could have been the last . The Fathers ' day before that could have been the last . Every Fathers ' Day of my life could have been the last . You can 't prepare yourself for the last . . . you can only live the current . You can 't live the current based upon the uncertainty of the next . And all those grandiose dreams , all those efforts to make something the most memorable . . . well often enough they are for naught . If my father were to pass tomorrow or six years from now , I am not going to tell the story of how right before he did I got him a 55 inch ultra led t . v . for his last Fathers ' Day . But I will tell the story of how I used to go in and lay down next to him and have to tell him not to get up so we could both experience together the rare moment of calm that eludes most of fathers . I will tell you how all my father wanted was sweatpants ( and a beer but a thimble of near beer will evidently put him under the table and in mortal danger so all he gets are sweatpants ) Special moments like this can exist every day , and they are far from grandiose gestures , but they exist in the little short almost insignificant moments of life that mean much more than you ever realize until they actually do become the last . Until then , he will no longer be able to embarrass us with his pants . But embarrassing us with his hats . . . well that just won 't ever stop . To my son Tommy , People always question your Grandpa Leo when he declares his Puerto Rican heritage . Genetically , of course , he has no claim to that heritage , but being raised in Puerto Rico from age 10 till after college when he joined the Army , he certainly is allowed to identify as Puerto Rican . The Hispanic influence is never more evident than here at the Johns Hopkins ER today . Notice the backwards gown with only the top connected . Straight out Latin gangsta . Just needs his bandanna tied around his head . You should be lucky to be this cool when you have a seizure ! I joke because the alternatives ( crying , getting angry , etc ) suck . Find solace in humor whenever you can . He is doing better than he was an hour ago , which is all we can ask . Sincerely with love from your dad , Leo This Saturday morning , you have safely established yourself in your pillow fort on the couch while watching Walker Texas Ranger . The only sound I hear from you is an occasional cheer when the bad guy gets kicked in the face . I wish I was six again ! Either that or I should get bigger pillows to make daddy sized forts ! I was scrolling through some of my various twitter feeds this morning and came upon a tweet that said , " . . . I see you 're not fond of someone . Why not make a contribution to his opponent ? . . . " and gave a link to do just that . I chuckled at the boldness of this fund raising tactic . I get the concept , " The enemy of my enemy is my friend " whole thing . Then I started thinking perhaps this tweet has a bit of truth to it . Perhaps I should give money to counteract the demons in politics . But handing money to a devil to defeat a demon is not quite what I think of as a good solution . And in politics , angels are so far and few between . And you can 't really be diametrically opposed if you are in the same political arena . So if you want to monetarily support that which opposes the demons and devils in politics , find a good humble soup kitchen or shelter to give to . My Brother 's Keeper Baltimore is a good place to donate . ( I picked them because your Grandmom Roro sends them a casserole or two every week , but you can find your own cause or organization ) Go out and buy a bunch of food and send it their way . Or go donate to a school . Better yet , hit a school bake sale and then take the desserts you bought down to a homeless shelter . Find those people and groups in the world that are spreading love and hope , and avoid contributing to those who seek power no matter how much you hate their political opponent . Find a group that accepts your money but would rather have your time and effort to affect change . Find those organizations that you see the actual effect of your contribution rather than getting just a vague political promise for change . I have lived a life seeing so many political people promising how they will make things better . But after 40 years of life , I have seen too few promises come to fruition . But if you ever worked a soup kitchen , you see people come in hungry and defeated , and you see them leave sated and with a glimmer of gratefulness and hope . That is real change even if the next day you have to do it again , and again . There is a bunch of talk about providing better alternatives for people . We , as a society need to provide alternatives to a life of crime . Our political system needs to provide alternatives to the crappy corrupt corporate bought " leaders " of this day . Our technology and transportation systems need to provide alternatives to the pollution producers we drive today . And we all need healthy alternatives to sugary fattening foods . My company has actually been trying to provide a more healthy alternative to food choices . Vendors and such always used to supply just donuts and other such treats . Now , there is usually a basket of fruit and nuts waiting for us to make our choice . But look at that picture . See those donuts ? Which would you choose ? The fruit ? Really ? Even if no one is looking ? Well God bless you if you are being honest . For me it was difficult to take the apple today . I even had the donut box open , but chastised and shamed myself into choosing the healthy alternative . It took some serious will power to avoid the donut . Providing an alternative is sometimes not enough . Temptation is a powerful evil . Alternatives are a good start , but only part of the solution . They embolden the blame game type people who gladly shame you with , " No one made you eat that donut . There were plenty of apples . You are a bad person because you gave in to temptation and deserve everything you get . " That mindset is so prevalent in our society through all of the social ills . Yet we should be ( and are ) called to forgive the donut eater and find a way to strengthen his resolve so he will choose the apple next time . Sometimes this includes removing the temptation . No , you shouldn 't eat all the donuts to remove the temptation for others . And if you think this post is just about donuts and willpower , you may have missed the point . Understand temptation . Forgive those who stray . Help them to make amends for their actions and make better choices . Avoid and remove the occasion for fault . Love people despite their poor choices . And for Pete 's sake , stop putting these donuts next to the fruit basket ! Okay maybe it is just about donuts . They look delicious ! Lately , I demand you do your own seatbelt . You have been switched to a booster seat and you have been given this new responsibility of securing yourself in the back seat . It is still my responsibility to make sure you did it correctly and are safe , but the initial effort is now coming from you . Today , you struggled with that seat belt . I heard a bunch of " I can 't . . . " and " It 's too hard . . . " followed by whatever challenge seemed to be thwarting you at the moment . It was like you were searching for an excuse I would accept so I would go back and do it for you . I didn 't . Instead I sat there waiting patiently after saying , " Don 't tell yourself you can 't . You can do this ! " You finally got the darn thing buckled and I saw some pride on your face as I cheered a loud and sincere cheer and offered you a high five . " Daddy , it was just a little difficult and I didn 't think I could do it . I was having trouble seeing it and pushing it . But , I got it . . . so no worries , " you replied humbly . You see that picture above ? That is me posing with one beautiful intelligent soon to be official nurse ( aka your mom ) who just walked across the stage for a recognition ceremony . You know what ? There were times , throughout the past couple years , that she wanted to give up . There were times she said , " I can 't . " and " It 's too hard . " A quick browse through the letters over the past couple years and you can see that it was difficult , with multiple challenges , on every front , from health to family . There were many times when she questioned if she could , but she persevered . You see that green cord around her neck . That denotes her excellence and her induction into the Alpha Eta honors society ( a ceremony we went to previously ) . She also got into Phi Theta Kappa honor society ( though we missed that induction ceremony because you had pneumonia ) and made Dean 's list every semester and had ( I believe ) high honors . The only award she didn 't get was some " Outstanding Student " award that the nursing department at her school forgot to fill out the paperwork for the entire class . So not only did she at one time want to give up and didn 't , she pretty much knocked it out of the ballpark with her effort and success . So try not to tell yourself you can 't too much . If things get tough , look at what your mom accomplished with all the things going on around her . Keep struggling , keep trying , keep on keeping on . Know that it is in your genetic makeup to overcome and succeed . Just like today , I will try to avoid just doing it for you , but know that I will be there , watching , supporting , cheering you ( and your mom ) on with loving pride in my heart for every challenge you face . Yesterday was your Grandpa Leo 's 67th birthday . I had plans of doing something grandiose for him , especially with the uncertainty that brain cancer holds for the future . The grandiose party plans were nixed and we just had dinner with just the basic crew of you , me , your mom , your Nana Jeanne , your Great Uncle Kevin , your Grandma Roro , and , of course , your Grandpa Leo . Your Great Aunt Cathy came down with our cousin Christina for dessert which was a gluten free , celiac approved , tapioca cake with some candles . By the way , in case you end up with celiac disease which I think is genetic , here is a hint ; you have to add lots of ice cream to gluten free cake otherwise your tongue turns to dust . The first ingredient in this case might be tapioca , but the pretty sure the second is shredded cardboard . As we summoned saliva and talenti ice cream to get down the cake , we talked about birthdays of yore . Your grandpa and great aunt share a birthday month ( she has hers on the 24th so only three days apart ) and consequently they always did something together , usually just the two of them . They would both take off from work and go an adventure . Remember , the word " adventure " is very subjective . They talked about cooking classes and trips around the state and all sorts of events . One of their stories was about a trip to Annapolis . On your grandpa 's suggestion , they ended up on a bus tour of the city . This is your grandpa 's idea of a wild and crazy adventure . To hear them tell it was quite comical . The tour guide was going through and asking stuff like , " Is there anyone from California ? " and hands being raised here and there on all the out of state locations . Only two people on the tour were from Maryland , and that includes your grandpa and great aunt . That story flowed into the time , long ago and far away , that they were travelling in Wyoming and your Grandpa Leo made everyone take a detour so he could give them a tour of Cheyenne where he lived from toddler days till about age of ten . Not sure of everyone on the trip but I know it was your Great Uncle Chuck Kennedy driving and your Great Aunt Cathy was on the trip and of course your Grandpa Leo and Grandma Roro , and I assume your Great Grandparents Deezy and Charlie and your Great Aunt Patti Kennedy and your Great Uncle Tim , etc . Evidently , they double backed , when they were close to Laremy which was their destination for the night , because of the insistence of your grandpa . The tour consisted of such grand sites as " That is the bush I hid under when Sister Marie Gregory was trying to hit me with a ruler " and other such gems . I just pictured the entire family sitting there staring at a bush in wonder and awe , Then it struck me , as we all sat there laughing at these tours and what your Grandpa Leo considers interesting , that even though your Grandpa Leo has lived through some pretty wild and crazy events in his life , that isn 't what we were recalling . I mean your Grandpa Leo has narrowly escaped death on multiple occasions throughout his life and especially his military career . We weren 't sitting there talking about the time a grenade was lobbed into a courtyard in Turkey that he had just left , or the time in Norway where an avalanche wiped out a bunch of Nato troops on exercise , or the time in Germany where a guy put down a briefcase machine gun ( yes they do or did exist ) without the safety on , or the multiple times on the Russian border where he could pick up binoculars and look at the Soviet soldier staring back at him through binoculars . Nope , we sat there reminiscing about much simpler , much more regular , and evidently from the bush staring story , often more boring times . Every story , every memory , every moment recalled from a life well lived that was worthy of a birthday conversation , had one thing in common . . . love . We weren 't talking about some grand adventure or harrowing advent , it was stories about family and togetherness . We weren 't telling " big fish " stories to impress or brag , but rather small unremarkable stories that brought us closer together with our shared moments . The tales weren 't filled with the times that your grandpa made great suggestion and perfect decisions , but rather celebrated what some might see as a quirk or imperfection or even ( quite wrongly ) a fault in his adventure choices . Your mom is zonked out on the couch . She was up to 2 : 15 in the morning perfecting her final paper and project and presentation for nursing school . She is taking a well deserved nap . You , however , are up to no good . I know because when I asked what you were doing , you replied , " Nothing . " That nothing involves some type of glittery sand art packages , and a homemade minecraft robot , and scissors , and who knows what else . So it is a good thing you are doing nothing . So , officially , every Downey in this house is " doing nothing " and now I am deciding if I can continue doing nothing as you have decided to draw on your face to make yourself a tiger . Not sure when you became Dennis the Menace or Calvin from Calvin and Hobbs , but I think you have turned some dark corner . I blame your Great Uncle Kevin 's influence . To my son Tommy , On one or more occasions of my youth I accused my parents of wasting my time . At young ages , the definition of time well spent is quite skewed . My dad would just smile that smile each and every time I would say , " This is such a waste of time . " This morning , on our way to your Great Great Aunt Jule Slagle 's funeral , I realized how much time spent parenting is running around and saying , " Find your shoes . We 're already late . " Talk about a time sink . I am guessing at least three hours every week are spent trying to find shoes . Today one was under the coffee table and the other under the couch . I guess that is why my father smiled that smile . He knew some day I would really know the meaning of wasted time , but by then I would consider it parenting , or one of its sacrifice , or even time well spent . Sincerely with love from your dad , Leo We decided to send you back to school today , with a bunch of caveats . No running . No PE . Relaxing during recess . Etc . We will see how you fair . It is also Super Hero day at St Agnes School . Donations are being collected for your school to help a family in need with their medical bills . In turn , you kids can dress up in a super hero outfit . You couldn 't choose , so you are going as a combined hero . . . super spider man . We tried to get you to pick one or the other , but sometimes you just have to pick your battles . Of course once we settled on the dual personality hero , you suggested that maybe you should be a priest for superhero day . After I explained that we didn 't have a priest outfit , and reminded you that a priest wouldn 't wear a teenage mutant ninja turtle mask , you decided to keep your current outfit . I do like that your idea of a superhero extends to priests and other non traditional super hero stereotypes . And Lord knows we need all kinds of superheros in Baltimore these days . T : ( impatiently interrupting ) " How did you become such a good dad ? " Me : " Well I must have learned it from watching your grandpa be a good dad to me . The rest I just picked up as time went on or got lucky with I guess . Now , would you mind . . . . " Me : " Me too Tommy . Me too . Now . . . would you mind leaving the bathroom and closing the door to give daddy a little privacy while he goes poops ? " The trick to dealing with a crisis is to pretend there is no crisis . If you downgrade everything to urgent and deal with each thing you can in a calm and collected fashion , you will breeze through the challenges of life . I used to be good at that . I used to be able to roll with the punches and just deal with whatever was thrown at me in a " nonchalant , oh well , baby steps " type way . Nothing really concerned me . Nowadays , after dealing with what I consider to be more than our fair share of ongoing crises over the past couple years , even the smallest things can seem daunting . Not that the current crisis is anything to be scoffed at ( you having pneumonia is fairly serious ) but before when something like this arose , we would just take it in stride . As a singular incident , fairly easy to deal with . We would just deal with the around the clock nebulizer treatments and the extra meds and the promise of little sleep and increased concern . We could even shake off the insurance company screwing us by not covering the cost of the antibiotic that you need . Now , every event just seems overwhelming . To be honest though , even normally happy events can be a crisis nowadays . Your Grandpa Leo went out with your Great Uncle Kevin and bought a new grill for his house the other day . They got it on the truck with the help of the sales associate , but when they got it home , they couldn 't get it off the truck . Your Grandpa Leo shouldn 't even be trying such tasks , but he is a stubborn Irishman like his father , and his son , and even his grandson . Anyways , he started worrying about leaving the grill on the back of the truck and that , coupled with whatever strenuous attempt at getting the grill off , started to send him into seizures . Your grandpa called us and then went and laid down and got his seizures to subside . We left Ryan 's first communion party , came over and helped get the grill off the truck and we had burgers from the new grill that night . Well , you didn 't have burgers because you are allergic to beef and that would have sent us to the hospital much earlier , but the rest of us enjoyed the new grille 's cooking . The point though is even getting a new grill , which would be cause for fun and celebration , can become a crisis . That is why I , until things settle down , I have pretty much cleared my schedule of any extra curricular events or commitments or responsibilities . I just focus on the most essential things and only at the last minute , if it seems like we can get away with it , do we attend those fun extras . I can 't even consider giving any effort to addressing or worrying about all the real woes of society that are affecting our country and state and city right now , and frankly , in Baltimore , things are getting intense . It may sound a bit desperate , and we are managing better than I let on , but it is pretty much all we can do to manage the day to day living of ourselves without adding any additional crises than the ones that are real and present . So for now , we will just pretend there is no crisis . We will treat your pneumonia like it is just something we have to do and just get it done . Remember , you can choose what you let become a crisis . Right now , you are amazing at that and just seem to accept whatever comes our way . You are sitting on the couch , getting a neb treatment , playing your ipad , as if everything is normal , and the only thing you think is different or extraordinary is the new neb mask you got from the hospital . This is a great attitude to have , and means your mom and I are doing pretty good at not letting you realize that there really is a lot going on and this is not normal . Some day you will read this and think , holy crap , how did we get through it all . I don 't know about you but I got through it with hugs from you and prayers to God ( plus denial and whisky always helps , I kid I kid ) . Anyways , more later , maybe . We are probably headed back to the hospital soon as your O2 level is dropping again ( even though you just finished a neb treatment ) and we most likely will be admitted for at least night . The only reason they let you come home before I think was because Mommy is a nurse and can handle it here . Oh well . Your mom just said that you got your oxygen level back up a bit so now we are in a wait and see mode . Repeat after me , " This is not a crisis , this is not a crisis , this is not a crisis . " The key to keeping a secret , especially the secret of a possible crime , is to not tell anyone . It is like the movie Usual Suspects says , " The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he doesn 't exist . " Too often the downfall of so many would - be criminal master minds is they decide to confide in someone else . Perhaps it is ego . Perhaps it is the natural instinct to unburden your soul . Whatever reason , once someone else knows , the possibility of getting away with said crime decreases exponentially and almost makes being found out inevitable . You are not a criminal mastermind , or at least not yet . Lately , you have been having a tough time of it with your asthma , or perhaps allergies , or perhaps a cold , or the weather , or whatever is causing your cough . You wake up at all hours of the night with this hard cough and we ( and by we I mean usually your mom ) have to wake up and treat you with an array of nebulizer masks and inhalers and allergy meds and such . Last night , or more accurately this morning , was one of those events . Your mom and you came downstairs to do your neb mask . After the mask treatment . you guys were cuddling and sleeping down on the couch . After awhile , you told your mom you were going back up stairs to sleep in your bed . You went upstairs alright , but you never made it to your bed . T : " It 's crazy ! I was supposed to be in the bed , but I didn 't . I slept on my dinosaur ! Now don 't get me in trouble with Mommy ! " T : " Really . Don 't get me in trouble with Mommy , because I told her I was going to bed and I didn 't . I slept on the floor , with my dinosaur ! " Your infraction was petty crime at worst . I suppose I should be upset with your wanton disregard for doing something other than what you told your mom you were going to , but I can 't . I do things ' differently ' all the time and I can relate with not wanting to be in trouble with Mommy . In the song Son Of A Son Of A Sailor there is a lyrical line that says " Read dozens of books about heroes and crook , and I learned much from both of their styles . " That is a nice wrap up of the Downey perspective with regards to authority and rules . If you said you were going up to ' bed ' and en route you decided that this morning your bed would be a dinosaur , although not letter of the law to your word , so be it . But if you want to make sure your dad won 't get you in trouble with your mom for something , don 't tell him . For he might tell your mom , as your old man hates secrets , especially keeping them from the woman he loves . Or he might just blog about it and tell the world . Last night , I went to bed . Going to bed is one of my favorite joys in life , because with everything going on , with all the problems in our world , I somehow can still sleep , or at least usually . And what could go wrong going to bed ? I readied myself . I even said our nightly prayers though you are down the ocean with your Bwama . I put on my cpap mask . I laid down in bed . BOOM ! The frame of the bed busted . Realizing almost instantly what had happened , tears started coming to my eyes . Are you kidding me ? I was just going to bed . Can 't that even go well for me ? Am I that fat ? Is Someone up there laughing at me saying , " Leo had too nice of a night . Delicious dinner with the Mrs . followed by some quality time with her , and even some snuggling . Watch this ! ' Into each life some rain must fall , ' Or if not rain , some frame . Hehe ! " as they issue the command to the universe for 3 of the 4 screws on that part of the bed frame to simultaneously tear through the wood . Your mom called up immediately asking if I was okay . She came up to help me fix everything . Like I said before , when things go wrong , sometimes I revert to anger to keep my other emotions in check . I usually feel the anger justified but that is just not right . Your mom called me on the uncontrolled anger right away , and rightfully so . I was not going to make the situation better by throwing mattresses and boxsprings around . God , I love her . After things returned to normal , mostly due to your mom , and before I readied myself for bed , I went in and weighed myself . I still need to lose weight but I was nowhere near my high . I guess the stress of dealing with my top weight for a good long while was enough for the bed . Oh well , back on the diet and off to the hardware store to find stronger and longer screws . To be certain , Christ 's Resurrection is the reason we celebrate today . It is easy to lose that perspective with everything that goes on , from Easter egg hunts and bunnies and peeps and hams and family get together . You can even throw in the fact that you lost your first tooth today , and when I say lost , that means you got tired of wiggling that tooth and pulled it yourself . Ouch . Well at least that is one of the shark teeth fixed with only one left to go . You had plans on pulling that tooth last night , some grandiose plan that the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny needed to meet up . But in all your planning and scheming , your little neurons were firing and coming up with some questions and suspicions . And of course , being the daddy , it fell to me to set you straight and allay your suspicions . Me : Autographs and selfies . If he came during the day everyone would want autographs and selfies . He doesn 't have time for that . Very busy you know . You are getting too smart for your own good . Stay young and stop growing ! I would say you would make a fine future detective , but your abilities only seem to extend to the mental and abstract , because it took you way too long to find your Easter basket . It was hidden in a partially opened oven and even after a game of hot and cold with a clue like " You are so hot you 're burning like you were IN AN OVEN ! " it still took you a couple minutes to figure it out . But to be certain , even during all these distractions and excitements , Easter still remains about the ultimate sacrifice and His Resurrection . Remember Jesus said , " I am the resurrection and the life ; he who believes in Me will live even if he dies , and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die . " ( John 11 : 25 - 26 ) , Happy Easter ! To my son Tommy , You had a nightmare last night . You came in to sleep with us . Less than a minute before this picture was taken , you were in a classic " it is not easy to sleep with a kid in the bed " position . Your hand was a splayed across your mom 's face and your foot was in the center of my back . Since you sought sanctuary in our bed from your nightmare , it was like your mission to make at least your old man uncomfortable . A foot here , a head there , a punch to the kidneys , a slap to the face , a push to the edge of the bed , etc . Alas , obtaining photographic evidence of how difficult it is to have you in our bed is on par with a picture of Bigfoot or the Loch Ness monster . As soon as I had enough and got out of bed to snap this picture , you adjusted to the most heavenly position . Sincerely with love from your dad , Leo To my son Tommy , It is no secret that your mom sings better than your old man , but I am not referring to music when I talk about my sour note today . Some days , especially when your mom has to wake up at the crack of dawn for clinical training , married couples are forced to talk using notes . Now some guys might consider a note here and there as nagging . Not me . Unless it is over used , I am fine with it . In fact , before bed time your mom asked if I would remember the cake she made for your school or if she should leave a note . Reconciling my belief that I wouldn 't forget and my good intentions and my realization that we can all use a backup system , I said , " Both ! " The allergy medicine note was an after thought as it isn 't part of the normal routine and she would have had to wake me up to tell me that one . So you see , your mom makes great notes . Me however , my notes when singing or signing are a bit more sour . I knocked one ( or more ) of your mom 's icing tipsInto the sink . It is little signs like this that tell me I shoul just go back to bed . Oh well . Sincerely with love from your dad , LeoMy noteBunny cake This morning , your mom was long gone . She has an exam today and left in the wee hours of the morning to go to school and study . So once again it was you and me . One of the tricks I use to ensure a smooth morning is the early morning wake up . I wake up at 6 : 40 instead of the normal 7 : 00 . I call for you to wake up . You moan and groan as usual and I promise you five more minutes of sleep . The plan then is to get myself ready and make your breakfast , and then call to you to say the five minutes is up . It is the same basic plan as any politician , take a lot and give a little back and hope your constituents don 't realize the disparity . Well my constituent and I get an earlier start and you think you have been blessed with five more minutes of slumber . Today , that plan backfired . You see after I promised you five more minutes , I went in the potty . Things were just starting to move when you came running in saying you had to go potty NOW ! I protested and tried to send you down the stairs to the other bathroom , but you said you couldn 't do it . So here are the options as I saw it . I chose number two ( no pun intended ) and learned a valuable lesson . From now on I will potty before waking you . The choices and sacrifices of a father . I never know when you will read these . I am not sure if you will read these as soon as you can or you will put them away and pull them out much later in your life . Are you reading this with three or four decades under your belt ? This is probably best read then . In all your life , have you ever been five moments past the point of breaking ? You just don 't know how you are going to hold up and the only thing you are sure of is life is still going to keep coming at you . You ever have that point where you are trembling because your body can 't decide if it wants to scream or cry ? It seems you have every bad emotion coursing through your veins and each one is screaming that life is not fair . You get to the point where you have lost faith and lost hope and you may even scream , " I hate you God . " even if you really don 't mean it . You feel lost and alone and have no faith . Well , I have . I have been there more recently than I would admit and keep coming back there more often than I should . On this Palm Sunday , through scripture , I am reminded that I am not alone in this feeling . It is part of the human condition that even Jesus had to endure . I have this picture of Him in the garden of Gethsemane falling to the ground and weeping . My own words mix with the words from scripture . I can hear Him saying " This sucks " and " You can fix this if You wanted to " and " Let this cup pass from Me " and tons of yelling " Why ? ! " as he talked to his Father and faced His impending death . In the end , He trusted in God and the plan laid before Him and said , " not as I will but as You will " ( or in other words " Thy will be done . " ) as He accepted what He had to do and He became the vessel by which we would receive God 's forgiveness and grace . This goes without saying but , Jesus was a better man than me . I am still having trouble accepting and having faith . Perhaps I am more like Peter , and when things get tough , I turn quicker than a cock can crow . Either way , you will probably have had these moments . If you haven 't , count yourself blessed , but these moments might yet still come , whether you had them in the past or not . You might be ashamed of these moments of doubt and moments of weakness and moments where you lost all faith and hope . You may have been angry with God and the world and you may lash out at the people you love the most . I am here to tell you to be not ashamed and or afraid . It is okay to pray , " My Father , hear my cry ! " , and it is okay to say to your loved ones , " I need help ! " , and it is okay to be angry with God , as He can handle it . But in the end , things are going to happen that you will have no control over . Sometimes the only control you have is controlling how you act or react . Try to do so with love . You will have to find the strength from within to continue on and accept the path before you . But if you find yourself laying on the ground weeping and questioning , know you are in good company .
|
I guess I could say our Alaska road trip was in the planning for 44 years . While at Emporia State in the late 60 's we met a couple from Alaska . They were finishing up masters degrees in education while picking up a pilots license . They were in love with Alaska and saw potential in its future . When Dan graduated with a teaching degree , we sent resumes to the Anchorage school system . For one reason then another , we never made it north . I can 't say we dreamed and thought about this summer 's trip all that often over the years . But , we always knew it would happen . Fuel prices tempted us to put the trip off this year . Thankfully , we still have the big three : health , time and each other . So we loaded up and took off . We left on July 6th driving a 2001 Ford ¾ ton diesel pickup with 182 , 099 miles on the speedometer . On the back of the pickup we carried a 2005 850SC NorthStar popup pickup camper . Obviously , we saw no need to have new equipment . We returned on August 17th after 39 days . The ending mileage was 192 , 102 . Here is the summary . We drove 10 , 002 miles , used 666 . 725 gallons of fuel , averaging 15 . 001 miles per gallon and $ 4 . 522 per gallon for diesel , for a total of $ 3015 . 00 . ( I converted all of Canada 's metric figures to keep it equal . ) I guess the reason I found these figures interesting is because I saved $ 3 , 000 for the trip but with higher fuel prices , I figured that amount would probably only pay for the fuel . Right on there ! We decided to convert $ 1 , 500 to Canadian money just to have the cash available . The rate was $ 1 . 06 American for each $ 1 Canadian . That amount of money paid for all fuel , camping fees and Canadian groceries except for two credit card charged fuel fills . At the border , coming home , we had enough change to buy a bottle of Crown Royal at the duty free shop . ( It was a small bottle : ) I did not keep accurate records on other expenditures . However , we roughly figured how many nights we paid for camp spots , restaurant meals and misc expenses and $ 1 , 000 would almost cover it . ( I don 't count groceries . Finally , we want to thank all those who looked after our place while we were gone . Family : Marc and Kim . Friends : Tom and Christy , Mark and Brenna , Mark and Kitty and others who kept a watchful eye on who came in and out of the driveway . Hopefully , this information will encourage others thinking about a similar trip . There are other options , cruises , fly up and rent an RV or car . Still , there wasn 't any part of this trip I would leave out . The road trip across Canada is beautiful . So , if you have time , do it all . Or if not , just do as much as you can . It 's worth every cent you will spend . I 've received emails and calls wondering if we were home . Sorry I haven 't posted as promised . Sunday evening , actually Monday morning , we rolled in having traveled about 100 more miles than we should have . We were just too close . It was 1 : 00 am when we turned off the truck . I think the only other times we gave it a rest were when we fueled up . We finally unloaded the camper today . It is clean and empty . We accumulated more than I thought along the way . I tried to keep the souvenirs to a minimum because of space , but had to get a few things . Travel brochures ended up being the biggest collection . There is so much information that I need to read over to make sure I know where each picture was taken . Tomorrow I plan to get the figures together and post . What we 've looked at so far is very interesting - at least we think so . Posted by What a grand surprise this morning . It wasn 't 10 miles from our campground that we saw one of my favorite sights - - And the sights just got better , which is good after a late start . From the beginning of this trip , we I decided to use the camper as intended , including real dishes , not paper , and showering right here in the camper . I strongly felt living normally would help make us feel this little space is our home . I believe it worked . Except … we do not have a water monitor built in and have to visually check the water level . Which we did a good job of until late last night . So , before we could start our day , we had to find potable water to get us home . Our habit of " camping light " makes it necessary to " ask local " which nearly always results in friendly helpfulness but a little extra time . Anyway , back to the " Grand " Tetons . I 'll have to be honest , we did see many similar vistas in Alaska . But there is something about Jenny Lake right there by those huge mountains that is still majestic . There are Trumpeter Swans that make their home there and we found them . Unfortunately , my picture did not turn out . However , while we were down a side road trying to get a swan picture , Dan spotted this If he would have had his leather gloves , he would have pulled the musk thistle out . Probably most would think he was pulling the beautiful wildflowers rather than the noxious , invasive weed it is . This is the classic view of the mountains . People were waiting in line for this position . We 're sitting in the parking lot of Walmart in Laramie , Wyoming . I think we 'll rock to sleep tonight with the wind , but we 're not complaining because the price is right . About eight other RVs here agree . Just outside of Rawlins , Wyoming we headed into this view . It struck me at the time that all our family and friends , wherever they live , are seeing the same full moon and appreciating the Man 's big bright face . Sometimes that 's the best scenery - something that everyone can see for themselves and enjoy . I want to take thiLinda There is nothing like Yellowstone . Looking up are mountains both rugged and pine - covered . Amazingly pine covered after the 1988 fire destroyed so many . Looking down , most of the time , are streams slowly meandering in meadows and against the foothills . Then , every so often are hot pools that smell like a high school chemistry class . Or bubbling pools that look like chicken gravy cooking . Or this beautiful Old Faithful . We arrived at Yellowstone from just south of Helena around 1 : 30pm . We camped in the Lewis Lake campground which is at the very end of the park last night . Needless to say , we did not see or do everything available in Yellowstone . For one thing , it is still the tourist season and we are not fond of crowds . But we enjoyed the visit , put our feet in a stream , walked the boardwalk to see the Paint Pots and waited 45 minutes on Old Faithful . There were license plates from all over the US and heard foreign languages . This is America 's Park . And , very kid friendly , so lots of young families . A fun , short visit . Tomorrow , Tetons and definitely homeward bound . Posted by I was so excited to post about our arrival into the US that I forgot a couple interesting notes about southern Canada . The area south of Calgary to the border is a prosperous Canadian farming area . We saw this striking field of blue so turned down a gravel side road to visit with someone in a pickup parked down the way . He was taking pictures as well and was knowledgable about the region . He told us the lovely field stretched out before us is flax . Of course , its seeds will be used is various healthy ways as the oil . We were correct in assuming the yellow blooming fields are canola - and they call it that , not rape . He also told us the region grows all types of wheat , spring , hard winter wheat and white wheat . They were just beginning to harvest . Crews were moving into the big fields . Here is the flax field Also , somewhere after the casino camping spot , I took a picture of this railroad bridge . I didn 't note where but it is so impressive that I 'm putting it in here and hoping Carol can locate it for me : ) Posted by We crossed the border around 1 : 00 today . There is a big flag up on a hill in the town of Sweetgrass . I am sure I 'm not the only traveler who got a lump in the throat when it comes into view . Not that Canadians aren 't the nicest people , who are proud of their country and show it in how they take care of it . But , there are some things that are just America . This sign was at the first rest stop we came to … . We 're home . No signage in Canada made me laugh like this one in Great Falls . Speaking of Great Falls , we spent more time there today than intended . First , I will say we 've been extremely fortunate not to have any mechanical failures . We still haven 't . What we did find this morning was a cut on the sidewall of one of our back tires . It didn 't look too serious , so we headed for Great Falls because we knew they had a Walmart to fulfill our road hazard policy . No problem with getting a new tire , but we had to wait at least two hours to get it mounted . There was only one man working , and he was very nice , but he was struggling with being behind . We were finally back on the road by 8 : 30 pm . We decided to drive a bit & stay at a rest stop . We are at a rest stop just beyond Helena as I write . We probably should have just stayed in the Walmart parking lot because we drove by some pretty scenery in the dark . The Missouri River runs through a canyon south of Great Falls . The big moon did help , though . Tomorrow , hopefully Yellowstone . Posted by For those who are wondering , the train didn 't turn out to be a factor last night . Either that or I went to sleep and heard nothing . We got an early start this morning and moved right along all day . As it turns out , the closest route was for us to go back down through the Columbian Ice Fields . It was good to see it going the other direction . Actually , I would recommend traveling north to south . Until it started raining , the colors were vibrant . Everyone should see this park . We were going to stay at Lake Louise again , but the campground was full so on to a Provincial Park we saw on the map outside of Banff . Also full . So , we are parked in a casino parking lot . Works for us . We will be through Canada by noon tomorrow . I will then have internet ( Autonet if you want to Google it ) . and phone service back . We are going to Yellowstone on the way home . Very excited about the stop . Posted by I forgot to mention in my last post about Jade City located along the Cassiar Hwy . Just the name suggests " tourist trap " but it 's a " must see " stop in the Milepost . Anyway , I had to check out the jade . We learned there are several jade mines in the Cassiar mountain area that , altogether account for 90 percent of the world 's jade supply . The store had saws set up with slices of the jade rock . It was all very interesting . Of course , there were endless jade articles for sale . After more than a little prodding , I found out that the store can 't get local carvers to make the jade pieces so they have to send their jade off to China . I was pretty sure that was the case just by the amount of articles for sale . Still , the really nice lady assured me all items were made with their jade so I ended up with tiny butterfly earrings . Not far from our overnight stop last night , is the turnoff to Steward / Hyder . The route is laced with glaciers and waterfalls . I don 't even have to say beautiful , right ? Several of the glaciers were almost to the road . The deep canyon and fast flowing river along part of the route reminded me of Colorado . Stewart is at the head of the Portland Canal on the British Columbia / Alaska border . The population of Stewart is 699 and 100 for Hyder . The Canal is a narrow saltwater fjord about 90 miles long and is the natural boundary between Alaska and Canada . It appears Stewart has a logging operation there . Hyder is two miles beyond Stewart and it is hard to figure out what the 100 residents do for a living . There are several souvenir stores , and , believe it or not , a post office . But there are dirt streets and lots of run down buildings . There is one very exciting thing to do in Hyder , though . That is drive 3 miles out of town on a rough , gravel road to the Fish Creek Wildlife Viewing Area . It 's in the Tongass National Park operated by the US Forest Service . It is awesome . There is a viewing platform that goes out over Fish Creek where , today anyway , chum and pink salmon were making their sLinda The Cassier Hwy is an alternate route to the Alaska Hwy , following a more westerly route . It would be hard to chose which is more beautiful . Cassier follows one valley , river and mountain range after another . The road conditions are about the same . Definitely , anyone driving both ways to Alaska should take both . It was along the Cassier that we spotted these swans that were close enough to get a good picture . I have been intrigued with the beautiful birds . They are common in Canada and Alaska , but difficult to get a good close picture . So , I am posting two pictures of this graceful couple . It was approaching 8 : 30 pm last night and we still hadn 't found just the right place to stop for the night . I spotted a sign , " Forest Service Road . " It was just a short distance down off the highway when we pulled in by a little pond , so quiet that it almost was spooky . Here is the view out of our " bedroom " window . Tomorrow , the most southern tip of Alaska - Hyder . Posted by The drive into Skagway from Whitehorse is 110 miles . I should say 110 miles of the most unusual beauty we 've seen so far . This route is called the Klondike Highway . The Klondike Hwy is the route prospectors took to get to the newly discovered gold at Dawson City . The road as it is now was not completed until 1976 . Especially as the road nears the coast and the city of Skagway , it drops down to sea level from above the tree line . The road comes down through a notch of mountains laced with long waterfalls and running water and small natural ponds . The literature calls it " moonscape " which is a good description of an area of more recently glaciated rocks . This picture is a suspension bridge which seemed to hang on the side of the mountain . The first impression of Skagway is " crowded tourist stop . " There were two cruise ships in the harbor when we arrived so the streets were crowded with shoppers . The stores were quaint and colorful , though . And , if I were a shopper , I might have enjoyed browsing . We parked on a side street , took off our bikes and started riding . We visited the Gold Rush Cemetery , the harbor to watch the harbor seals trying to catch the salmon that were trying to climb the fish ladder . The streams above were full of the determined salmon as well . Since it was Sunday , we ate a fresh fish meal at the local bar . As 5 : 30 approached , and we were riding the back streets toward our truck , it struck me this town is like any other small town . Building things , tending flowers and shopping for groceries . I definitely left with a better feeling than when I arrived . Another must visit in Alaska . As I write this , I hear what sounds like ocean waves , but it is a huge lake . We asked the border petrol officer if we might camp hear the area nearby . He directed us here . It is no fee , unattended . I feel we are definitely in the wild . Tomorrow , it 's the Cassiar Highway . Posted by A long day of driving , but looking forward to tomorrow . We are taking a detour off the Alaska Hwy to Skagway . It will be a taste of the inside passage cities . We have not hooked up to electricity since we left cousin Cindy 's home in Montana . Our stay in Canada and Alaska has been totally dry camping meaning park and sleep mostly in State Parks . The camp sites with electrical hookups were not always in scenic locations and were more expensive ( State parks were $ 12 average ) The only challenge has been to keep all electronics charged and and make sure the propane is full . All worked out until this morning . The propane ran out just as the coffee was done perking ( thank goodness , the coffee was done ) . Our backup worked , kept the refrigerator cold , and we made it to the exchange place here in Whitehorse in time . I had a camp spot picked out on the south side of Whitehorse , but we need a few other supples and Walmart was closed . When we saw the parking lot here at Walmart , we decided to stay . There must be 25 campers . There is even someone tent camping . After Skagway , we will be at least two days in Canada . I 'll write each day and post when we get back into the States . Even though I haven 't replied to your comments , I have appreciated them so much . Posted by The highway from Anchorage to Denali National Park is called the Parks Highway . It was built in 1972 . Before that time , visitors to what was then called Mt . McKinley National Park traveled on the Danali Highway . It is 134 miles long . Perhaps by design , the state of Alaska has chosen not to improve this road . It is as it was when early travelers made the trip , requiring modern travelers to also move slowly . And , this road should be taken slow . It is unforgettable . There are valley vistas as far as the eye can see . Small beaver ponds , lakes and clear streams all along the road . Information tells us there are trout in most . The valley floor is framed by mountains , green low , some snow and even a small glacier higher up . There are informal pull outs , but they were not needed as there was so little traffic . I think we met or came up only four other small RVs and less than ten cars & trucks . We often stopped right on the road . Here are a few pictures of the journey We also saw a herd of caribou , eagles , swans , moose , sheep , a wolf and even little bunnies . As the day began to ebb and the beautiful Denali Park and Road was in our rear view mirror , I spent a little time feeling really down . It was pretty quiet travel . I always do this when I know the end of our trips is in sight . Yes , we are headed south . Currently , we are back on the Alaska Highway . We will be tack in Tok tomorrow - a circle . There will be a couple side trips . Skagway and Prince Rupert but we will be continuing south . I 'm feeling better as I write this ( 11 : 00 pm Friday Alaska time ) . We found a pull off along a bubbling stream which is always nice . Posted by We are leaving soon for a cut off across the range that might mean no internet tonight . So , here are a few pictures that in no way can show how beautiful our trip was last night . We did not see Mt . McKinley , but as the literature says , " It is there . " No matter , because the park is pristine and grand . We saw a bear eating a caribou carcass that two wolves had killed . At least one was circling around the bear , the other held back . Wildlife living without human interference . So , here are my three little pictures to tell a big story The road : The wildlife : The end : Posted by I was willing clear skies this morning as we approached the Park . No luck . Still , we 've had spots of sunshine . Last night I lucked into a camp spot inside the park on line so no worry about a camp spot . I also booked an evening tour into the park leaving at 5 : 00pm . It is a 6 hour tour so maybe a sunset . . . . . better yet a glimpse of Mt McKinley I 'll post pictures tomorrow . Posted by I have to admit , I got rather paranoid last night . I mentioned we were at Portage Glacier . However , I don 't think I mentioned how hard it was raining and blowing . I told myself there is no worry about wind damage in Alaska , but then I thought of the high mountains around me and then I thought flash flood . So , I went to bed , went to sleep and nothing happened . As Dan pointed out this morning , all water drains into the sea from where we were and it 's hard to back that one up ! It was still raining just as hard this morning so we decided to move on with our day and not enjoy our coffee as usual . That is how we managed to eat at the Portage Glacier Lodge . What a surprise - - another place for my " must go to in Alaska " list . It is just a little dinner , but Dan had a very delicious ( I tasted it ) Alaskan Skillet with eggs , green onions , boursin cheese , and smoked salmon . I had two huge pancakes . Once again we learned so much by talking to those who live here . They told us the Portage Glacier valley including Whittier has in the past received more snow than any location in Alaska . Whittier is an old military town where supplies were brought in during WWII . There are tunnels connecting most of the buildings because it gets so much snow in the winter . It is only in the past ten years that the one - way 2 1 / 4 mile tunnel has been converted to allow cars to alternately go back and forth when there is no train . The tunnel is impressive . I am glad we experienced it . There was a huge cruise ship in port at Whittier , which was the only excitement there . Definitely , a working port . As we drove out of the valley , it was still raining heavily . By the time we arrived at Anchorage , there was a sliver of sun here and there . Our friend , Carol from the museum in Soldotna told us to to to the Alaska Native Medical Center for beautiful displays of native art and creativity . She was right . When the Alaska Natives require extended stays at the hospital , they fill their time creatively carving bone , sewing animal fur , beadwork as well as wood and siLinda Maybe it 's the long , dark winters or probably more likely the long light summers , but Alaskans love their coffee . In the larger towns , and even more in small towns , there are coffee kiosks , sometimes one each block . Generally , they are small , very small , buildings sitting in a parking lot or just along the street . I started taking pictures , but Dan certainly was not going to stop at each . So , we wrote down a few names : Sugar Shack , Top Dog Expresso , Bikini Girls Expresso ( he was ready to stop at that one ) , The Hot Spot , Jungle Juice , Let Freedom Ring , Hooked on the Bean and Java Junction . And , of course , the Lovn ' Oven Bakery and Expresso where we purchased our breakfast . Our plan was to ride our bikes to the SeaLife Center . We knew we could because we rode there last night . Only we woke this morning to rain - real rain , not the drizzle we 've had in the past . The Alaska SeaLife Center is a learning center about all aspects of Alaska waters and wildlife that lives and feeds in , on and around it . Included are displays about their habitat , life cycles , health and history and plans for the future for sea life . Birds and sea creatures are visible from the top as well as under the water . . We attended an informative session about Alaska 's early inhabitants by an Alaska Wildlife and Parks ranger . Recent archeological findings have placed early Alutiiq people on the Kenai peninsula living by hunting fur bearing animals 1 , 400 years ago . In 1741 Russian fur traders forced the native people to hunt for them by removing the strongest men from villages . Within 25 to 30 years after the Russians arrived , 30 % died of starvation and soon after another 30 % died of small pox . The native people have persevered and there are settlements throughout the Kenai , one of them the Nimlichik village were we dug for clams . If the weather would have been clear , we might have been able to spot some of the sea creatures in the ocean from a stand complete with a viewing scope . Unfortunately , it was too cloudy . Still , an very well done and educational venue . As we leave Seward , we drive a short distance into Exit Glacier National Park . There was excitement in doing that with a short drive through fairly swift water over the road . Actually , the road was starting to wash out . I was thankful for our big truck with weight . The climb to Exit Glacier was wet , but we were able to see the massive ice field up close . This sign says it all . Even with the rain , we could feel the life in the massive glacier . It turns out the " Loven ' Oven " bakery is owned by the former postmaster of Ninilchik . We had to talk post office for a bit while she wrapped up a huge cinnamon roll and doughnut . Our route to Seward takes up back through Soldotna then on by the Russian River . The silver salmon had arrived . " Combat " fishermen lined the shore . Often bears join fishermen in catching salmon here . We looked but , unfortunately , that picture did not happen . We continue up , around and down the other side of the peninsula . It is a scenic drive with streams and low , green mountains . It mist - like rained all day and the low clouds topped most mountains with a beauty all of its own . Seward is a quaint , little , sea side village . Or , at least it seems that way . No McDonalds or WalMart , just small little shops and restaurants . We spent the rest of the afternoon riding our bikes . Benny Benson is the young man who designed the Alaska state flag . There was a contest among the Alaska school children . Benny won with his stars in the form of the big dipper and north star . As an adult , he had a colorful personality and was well known among the native citizens . We decided on a camp spot that is right beside the bike trail so we can hop on it and visit the Marine center tomorrow morning . The ocean is right out our other side . I am listening to the tide come in as I write . There is a sea otter that lives in the small boat cove here . I made a video of him . YouTube hasn 't finalized it yet . I 'll post it in the morning . Meanwhile , here is a picture of a huge waterfall almost right in town .
|
The longer we stay at a rock target , the easier exploring it becomes . In part this is because we can reuse successful commands from previous sols , leveraging our previous problem solving . It 's thanks in part to this effect that Ashitey is already done with the sequence by the time I come in . And it looks like it 's going to be a short day . Kevin Talley , our TUL today , wants to get out of here to play with a new flight simulator he 's hoping UPS will bring him this afternoon . Such an easy sol . For the first time in a long time , we actually run ahead of schedule and finish an hour early . So now we know : want to stay on schedule ? Buy Kevin a new flight simulator . If only we 'd known that back on sol 1 . [ 1 ] [ Next post : sol 237 , September 2 . ] Footnotes : [ 1 ] Kevin left for a while to work on Phoenix , and is now back on MER , training as a rover driver . I 'd forgotten this particular insight until now , but will have to keep it in mind for some time when I 'm on shift with him and need to hurry the day along . This morning is one of those mornings that makes me appreciate all the mornings that aren 't like this morning . But there 's good news when I get to work . Yestersol 's sequence worked out fine , despite the wacky joint moves we used . Yestersol 's focus was on brushing Ebenezer with the RAT ; thisol we 're following that up by grinding . Leaving an eternal mark on another world - - it 's a strange kind of immortality , but I have an inexhaustible appetite for it . After the grind , we APXS the RAT hole . As a measure of how cold it 's getting on Mars , we can APXS at mid - day - - since the APXS works best in the cold , we used to have to wait until late at night to start it . So the warmest part of our day is now about as cold as the coldest part of our day used to be . Poor Spirit . Hang in there , baby , summer 's coming . Just a few more months . . . . Of course , the colder temperatures , and reduced sun exposure , mean we have less energy to play with . So the RAT 's tail gets amputated - - what starts as a three - hour grind ( insert Gilligan 's Island reference here ) is cut to two and a half hours , then to two . Like any of the scientists , the RAT guys ' faces fall a little more each time they 're cut . I slide over to one of them , Phil Chu , and commiserate . " That 's the same thing that used to happen to us all the time on drive sols - - it starts out as a four - hour drive and you end up with fifteen minutes . " Phil laughs . " Ah , it 's not a problem , " he says . And he 's probably right , at that - - Ebenezer 's a soft rock ; even with only two hours to run , the RAT will take a good chunk out of it . I 'll never have kids , but I 'll make an indelible hole in a rock on Mars . Take that , posterity . " Let me tell you , this target sucks , " Chris exclaims . Truly , this target is in a very odd spot . The flight software will happily place the APXS and MB on it , but it generates errors when you try to place the RAT or MI . Which is supposed to be impossible - - if you can get there with one tool , you can get there with all of them . [ 1 ] Yet we 've found an exception to the rule . Still stranger , the software will happily place the MI all around the target ( which we did the other sol ) - - just not on the target itself . I 'd look into that if I had the time . Still , our explorations here continue to go well . The scientists have gained enough confidence in the instrument placements here that they 've cut down the MIs from 5 - stacks to 3 - stacks . That is , instead of taking a series of five images at each position , we 're taking just three . The more images you take , the more likely it is one will be in focus ; thus , shorter stacks indicate more confidence ( or less importance , or tighter downlink ) . We 've gone as high as eleven . Insert Spinal Tap joke here . There are limits to their confidence , though . Since the APXS doors recently didn 't open fully when we tried to open them on a rock target , they 've asked us to open the APXS on the CCT instead . The CCT , or Compositional Calibration Target , is a spot on the rover 's own body , just above the space the arm stows into . As its name implies , it 's used to help calibrate the MB and APXS - - we know what it 's made of , so taking readings of it helps us interpret readings of unknown stuff . And since it 's a hard and accessible surface , we can also open the APXS doors on it . But doing so requires a more - than - usual amount of clearance under the rover . The HAZCAMs can 't see that area , so Chris asks me to look back at imagery from previous sols to see if we have room . He tells me about some weird trick Frank uses for this , which basically amounts to an abuse of the IDD workspace display [ 2 ] , but it doesn 't seem to work for me and I quickly lose patience . Instead , I do what I usually do in this situation - - Posted by Amazingly , it worked . I don 't know if we 're better than I think we are or if we just dodged a bullet this time , but it worked . There 's no word yet on whether the MIs were in focus - - we 've just got the thumbnails , not the full images - - but there 's no IDD fault . Phew . So we worked around the terrain mesh problem yestersol , but the problem is still there . Indeed , if anything , we 've taken a step backward : Chris is going to have to redo his analysis of it , because his previous analysis was performed using a version of RSVP that incorrectly transformed site to rover coordinates [ 1 ] . So not only do we still have the problem , we know even less about it than we thought we did . I 've come in early to check on yestersol 's success and also to meet with a couple of reporters from Aviation Week . Aviation Week is going to run a story on MER , and they want to include a wealth of 3 - D images illustrating what we 've found and how we run the mission . In particular , they 're interested in RSVP . Frank 's the artist of the group , and as such he 's the best person for them to meet with . But he 's leaving on vacation and hasn 't packed yet , so he asks me to take care of them . They 're just going to need to understand what RSVP is , and what its capabilities are , he tells me . I can handle that . Only it turns out they 've already met with people and they know all that already . What they need is cool screen shots illustrating how we 've used RSVP , particularly in the second half of the mission . Preferably artsy stuff . I can 't handle that . Not that I don 't try . What we settle on , after half an hour of fumbling around , is taking a series of screen shots that communicate a sense of what they 're after , without actually being what they 're after . We email these to Frank , who will make versions of them that actually look cool . When he gets back from vacation . I just hope I haven 't wasted their time and put them off the whole idea . Sigh . Some days I feel useless . As they 're leaving , they catch sight of what Chris is working on . He 's looking up at the rover from in fPosted by I 'm the only rover driver who hasn 't worked on both rovers . Brian and Jeff did most of Spirit 's first drive before moving to Opportunity . Eric did the initial IDD checkout sequences , which Frank edited slightly , before moving to Opportunity ; and Eric came back for a sol or two . Chris has spent several sols on Opportunity , and John is racking up a few as well . Ashitey , too . Bob never worked on Opportunity as far as I can recall , but he 's off the project now . Which leaves me . But not for long : I have a shift scheduled on Opportunity tomorrow . Technically , I 'm a floater , which means in practice that I 'm working on both , but it counts . The only bad news is , I don 't know anything about what they 're up to or when they expect me to come in . So I go upstairs to the Opportunity room to find out . " When do you need me tomorrow ? " I ask Emily . " Tomorrow 's a restricted sol [ 1 ] , " she replies . " We don 't need a rover planner . " Well , that 's just ducky . I guess I won 't be working on Opportunity tomorrow , after all . And on the current schedule , I don 't get another chance at it for a while . And Opportunity has cool stuff going on right now , too , as Chris Salvo shows me . They found this weird mudlike stuff - - it looked like rock , but driving over it nearly destroyed much of it - - which they 're going to drive back to and examine in detail with the IDD . Nobody knows what this is . One thing is certain , though : I won 't be helping them find out . Ah , well , Spirit 's my first love , anyway . While I was away , they finished up at the previous location ( where the rover slipped almost double the predicted amount during my last drive - - turns out it 's a good thing I shortened it ) and then performed a short drive to a new rock called " Ebenezer . " The targets on Ebenezer are named for characters from " A Christmas Carol " - - TinyTim , Cratchit , Scrooge , Marley . We expect to stay at Ebenezer for a while . The scientists like this rock and our power situation is excellent , so we might stay here through solar conjunction [ 2 ] . In the meantime , we 'll be performing the uPosted by So I 'm RP - 1 , bright and shiny at 8 AM . And Art 's here , so it 's almost like the old days . " How ya doing , Art ? " I ask , and he groans , " So good . . . if it were any better , I don 't know if I 'd survive it . " So I 'm not the only non - morning person around here . " Are we still driving today ? " " Today we 're driving " - - he pauses dramatically - - " maybe one wheel rotation . Hey , don 't knock it - - they could take that away from us . " Since I 'm here at the right time , as opposed to the time the schedule said , I 'm actually present for the SOWG meeting . That 's been a long time - - so long , I have to ask Art if they 're still having them in the same location . They are , so I head upstairs for that . This SOWG is easy , since our sol is so easy . They 're finished RATting this spot right in front of us and want to RAT another spot near the right front wheel . So all we 're doing is turning 30 degrees clockwise and backing up 25cm . There 's a little concern that we 'll drive over the location we were just RATting before we have a chance to image it , but I model it in RSVP and demonstrate to their satisfaction that we won 't be coming anywhere near it . Of course , nothing is ever that easy , and today 's no exception . Since we 're on a steep slope , we expect to slip during the drive . The question is , how much ? Fortunately , I 'm getting better at delegating , so I just ask Rich Petras - - Mobility / IDD support thisol - - to figure it out for me . Between the turn and the drive , we expect to slip about 10cm downhill . RSVP shows that the RAT can still hit a target 10cm further upslope , meaning that the new RAT spot will be reachable even if we slip . I end up cutting the drive slightly , though , from 25cm to 20cm , just to split the difference . We 're holding a press conference today . On the agenda : what Opportunity 's been up to , why the scientists care about Spirit again , and news about Opportunity 's RAT . Art turns on the TV and starts flipping to the NASA channel , but gets stuck on the Olympics . I 'm busy polishing the drive , but the grunts of sympathetic pain behind me Posted by I 've been scheduled for the last few sols , but there 's been no rover motion . We 're taking advantage of our good power situation and our excellent location to take a bunch of images and charge the battery . So I keep coming in and being told , " Nothing interesting today ; you can go home . " And going home . I came in today mainly to drop off my copy of the Linux Journal that has Frank 's and my RSVP article in it . We 're duly congratulated . I 'm on as RP - 1 tomorrow , and I think we 'll actually be doing stuff . But it looks like tomorrow will be a simple sol . All we 're doing is a very short drive , not much more than a turn in place , and Ashitey already has a preliminary version ready . After I go over this with him , there 's not much more to do but go home . So I do that . Our issue of the Linux Journal . Not too surprisingly , we made the cover . I 'm RP - 1 again . I come in at 8 : 30 , expecting the SOWG meeting at 9 : 00 . But 9 : 00 rolls around , and no SOWG meeting . In fact , from listening to people talking , it sounds like they had it already . Turns out the schedule was erroneous . The schedule said the SOWG meeting would be at 9 : 00 , but in fact it was at 8 : 00 , and I 'm apparently the only one who read the schedule . Everyone else goes to the SOWG meeting every day , so they know when it 's happening , and don 't look at the schedule any more . So I missed it completely . A great way to start your day . Well , the other news is good . They got usable data from the APXS the other sol after all , Arthur tells me - - the doors were partly open , though they didn 't latch . We 're going to hold off on uplinking thisol 's sequences until we get confirmation that the doors closed , but we 're all pretty confident they will . Thisol we 're grinding this rock - - always a fun thing to do . And Ashitey 's my RP - 2 . Thisol goes a lot better than the last time he and I worked together ( two sols back ) , and I like to think it 's not only because I 'm the guy at the keyboard this time . ( It was true in first grade , and it 's true today : I need to learn to play better with others . ) The only blight on the day is that we have to cut the RAT grind . The day is constrained on one end by the fact that we can 't start IDD work until after noon ( it 's getting too cold on Mars as Gusev approaches winter ) and on the other end by a comm pass . In between , there 's just not enough time to do everything the scientists have asked for . We end up cutting some stuff out , and Ashitey and I find clever ways to squeeze down the timing of the other stuff , and in the end they have to cut only 30 minutes out of the grind . It 's still a shame , but since 30 minutes translates to only about half a millimeter of depth , the RAT guys don 't look all that upset . And as I 'm always saying , if science is happy , I 'm happy . And I 'm happy . [ Next post : sol 222 , August 17 . ] This is my first RP - 1 sol since I - don 't - know - when , and moreover I 'm doing it solo - - the scheduling snafu left us no RP - 2 , though Chris is here as a " floater . " I 'm so happy . It 's still shaping up to be a simple sol , a MB - to - APXS tool change . Since we 're in this weird out - of - phase part of the daily schedule , they haven 't even uplinked yesterday 's sequences yet , which means I have time to fix something if it 's wrong . But I check them out , and to my surprise I can 't find anything wrong with them . There 's stuff I 'd change in retrospect , but nothing really wrong . So I leave well enough alone . Anyway , I 've got thisol to worry about . It might be simple , but I don 't like to procrastinate , so I go ahead and whip out the sequence . Then we get the sol - 213 downlink . Just as no plan ever survives first contact with the enemy , so thisol 's plan will not survive first contact with the downlink . The joint angles from sol 213 were very close to the predicted values - - that is , the IDD went just about exactly where we asked it to go - - but the APXS contact switches report no contact and the APXS dust door reports that it 's still closed . Which is mildly bad . The APXS dust doors have to open in order for the scientists to get good data from the instrument . If they 're not open , we 'll have to redo this observation . We can 't redo it on this exact spot , since we 're going to RAT it on 214 - - unless we try to modify the sequence before uplinking it a few hours from now - - but that will be OK , since we 'll get effectively identical results by just APXSing other parts of the outcrop . We can do that without even driving . And anyway , the doors might be open even though the rover says they 're not - - on Opportunity , the switches are flaky , and maybe Spirit 's switches are starting to get flaky , too . If so , the APXS observation will be just fine ; we 'll know when we get the results back later tonight . So it 's not the end of the world . But it does leave us with a puzzle : why did the IDD stop moving ? Normally , the IDD will stop moving for one of three reasoPosted by This is new : Ashitey 's RP - 1 thisol . This is also new : there 's no RP - 1 scheduled for nextersol . But that 's a scheduling snafu , one I fix by volunteering to do it myself . ( Oh , twist my arm . ) I 'll need to be a little late , but Arthur says that won 't be a problem . " Tomorrow will just be a simple tool change , " he reassures me - - little realizing , I think , that he 's disappointing me instead . Hey , if I 'm going to be RP - 1 again for the first time in what seems like months , I want a damn challenge . But I 'll take what I can get . Thisol is the kind of complicated sol I 'm lusting for . We 're RATting a spot that we 'll then investigate with the MB . But there 's another issue : the sol - 212 MI images we took appear to be out of focus , so we want to redo them thisol . Now , stay with me . The lowest - - that is , closest - to - rock - - MI images appeared to be most nearly in focus . And Ashitey 's plan for thisol is to redo the stacks [ 1 ] using a technique that will start farther away from the rock . Which will make their focus worse , not better . Which is a complete waste of time , energy , and downlink data volume . I can 't seem to communicate this concept to Ashitey to save my life , so it goes up like that . [ 2 ] Oy . But Ashitey and I have worse problems . Thisol 's IDD work requires that we move the IDD away from its current position a few times . But because sol 213 's sequences haven 't executed yet , we don 't know exactly where the IDD contacted , so we have to pull some tricks to command the IDD back to its current position during thisol 's business . The IDD automatically remembers a single location , so the only way to do this is to use a special command that tells the IDD to put a different tool on the last saved location . And that command doesn 't seem to be working , at least not in the simulation . Neither Ashitey nor I can understand why not . It doesn 't make sense : we 're putting the IDD in the configuration it would have after the change - tool command would execute , then issuing the change - tool command , and the simulation says the command fails . We can 't Posted by But of course I didn 't go . Too much moving to do . " You should have gone , " says Chris . He 's nursing a hangover , and he 's not the only one . Sounds like it was a wild time . Well , having fun isn 't really my thing anyway . This is , of course , all related to the sad fact that the science teams are , for the most part , leaving us . At least they 're going out with a bang : Spirit 's findings at Gusev are the focus of a special issue of Science magazine , one of the two preeminent science magazines in the world . So that 's cool . JPL has access to Science online , so Art 's flipping through the images . One of the scientists asks what he 's doing , and Art says , " Reliving past glory . " Heck with that , I think ; we 've got plenty of future glory to achieve . Thisol 's little chunk of glory will be to finish up yestersol 's MB integration on the outcrop , then calibrate the MB and APXS before starting an APXS integration on the rock . It 's not terribly complicated , modulo some confusion about how many times we 're supposed to calibrate the APXS and whether we can calibrate the two instruments in parallel , and the day goes relatively smoothly . So smoothly , indeed , that I have some time to entertain a visitor brought in by Justin Wick , one of the SAP developers . The visitor 's name is Rupert Scammell ; he 's an Aussie who ported SAP to Irix - - he 's not a JPLer , so this was just for the fun of it , as far as I can tell - - and who is , obviously , a huge fan of the mission . Justin wants me to show Rupert RSVP , so I do , and I talk to him about being a rover driver , and he gives the impression of being suitably impressed . It 's a supremely geeky experience , of course , and at some point I start to feel self - conscious about this . Then I remember that if I weren 't a geek , I wouldn 't be here . And I shrug it off . It 's cool . The switchback drive worked - - we 've reached the outcrop , and the scientists are awfully excited about it . John and I get to be the first to IDD it . This still amazes me . This rock has been there , right in this spot , for four billion years , almost since Mars was born . We 're the first people ever to even see it , much less explore it . We 're starting out simply enough . Indeed , thisol is so simple that when I walk in , John tells me , " The sequence is done - - you can go home . " Of course , life on Mars is never quite that simple . Now that we 've made it up onto the outcrop , we 're oriented a little more toward the sun than we have been in recent sols , so we have a lot more energy to play with . So much energy , indeed , that the batteries will be fully charged and shunting - - " spilling over , " thus wasting energy , unless we find a way to use up more . So the science team asks if I can add in another stack of MI images near the existing stack , and I 'm only too happy to oblige . ( It 's always nice to have something moderately creative to do . ) The location they chose for the first MI stack is called " Cochiti , " an allusion to the Cochiti pueblo in New Mexico . I Google for a map of the area , find a nearby pueblo named " Jemez , " and name the second stack 's position that . I know it 's not official , but it 's damn cool to name things on another planet . The visiting scientists are leaving us . It 's their last weekend here , and some of the younger ones are throwing a wild party at their apartments to say goodbye . I 'm not planning to go , but then one of the scientists , Nicole Spanovich , asks me if I 'm going . " Nah , I 'm way too busy moving into my new house . " She looks almost hurt . " You should go , " she admonishes me . " Okay . " I 'm so easy . Courtesy NASA / JPL - Caltech . Persistence pays off . At last , we 're ready to start unlocking the secrets of this ancient stone . The news starts off good , at least . No errors on the drive , and we turned as expected for comm . But where the hell are we ? It looks like we have a little bit of outcrop under our wheels , and we 'll just need another drive to back up a little . But first we need to know where we are . What happens next is something we call " localization . " You look at pictures from the previous sol - - or earlier , if you have them - - and try to figure out where you are relative to that picture , by comparing it to the new picture . Generally , this is a game of hunting rocks , trying to find the same set of rocks in each image to use as landmarks . " Let 's see , if this guy here in this image is this guy over here in that image , then there would have to be a pointy rock over there . . . but there isn 't . . . so maybe that guy there is the same as that guy over there . . . . " It helps if you know roughly where you should be looking , which we do . This is laborious , but can be fun in its way . This time it 's not working out . There 's a clump of rocks right in front of us that should be obvious from the previous images , but hell if we can find them . We stare at the images for at least fifteen minutes , with plenty of false starts but no luck . More images come in , and one of the scientists takes a look at one and says , " You know , I don 't think we moved . " Ah - hah . The reason we weren 't able to localize the rover was that we were trying to find a solution near where we were supposed to end up . Instead we look at the area near where we started - - and sure enough , there 's the rock clump . We might have gained a whole meter . As more images and engineering data arrive , they dispel the mystery . Looks like the rover experienced about 66 % slip through the first part of the drive ( already more than we 'd planned ) , then the slope became so steep that it just couldn 't climb any further . The more it tried to climb , the more it slipped . In one case , visodom showed the rover experiencing 125 % slip - - the rover tried to step 60cm upslope , and ended up 15cm downslope . In the process Posted by Oh , damn it . I 'm there when the downlink starts , and one of the first things we see is an indication of another goal error . So at least the rover thinks we didn 't make it . Scott Doudrick is sitting to my right , monitoring the incoming data stream . " Bus voltage is 26 . 9 , " he says . " It didn 't go very far . " But then we get the rover 's reported coordinates , and they 're only about a meter away from the target . Maybe we 're not in such bad shape after all . The rover apparently entered a limit cycle , which means it was unable to find the goal and danced around it . Eventually , it was stopped by the time - of - day limit . What the hell happened ? The mid - drive and post - drive images clear up the matter . Just before it took the last step - - what should have been the final 2m of driving - - the rover was perfectly positioned , with the outcrop dead ahead . ( Well , dead behind - - we were driving backward . But right where it should have been , anyway ) The next image shows the rover two or three meters downslope of the target , with a lot of back - and - forth tracks visible in part of the image . It 's a bug . That final step of the drive told the rover to go to a Cartesian position 2m behind it , but the rover was unable to find that position because steep slopes confuse it . So it roverdanced , trying to find the right spot . This wouldn 't have taken it so far from the target by itself , but the rover kept slipping downhill as it went - - most of the resulting position error is from slip . ( Or at least this is my explanation . John has a different one . Pointing to a nearby copy of the _ Weekly World News _ that shows a family of Martian Eskimos , he deadpans , " I think the Eskimos did it . " ) In retrospect , we could have just told it to back up 2m , rather than the more complex command we used . But if the rover hadn 't started from the right spot , the more complex command might have worked better . It was a gamble , and we lost . So now we 're about 3m downslope of our target , and have to spend another sol climbing uphill . Which makes it twice as much of a shame that the Posted by At night , there 's a small red light in the sky . On that light lives four hundred pounds of thinking metal sent from Earth . I tell that metal what to do , and it does it .
|
The longer we stay at a rock target , the easier exploring it becomes . In part this is because we can reuse successful commands from previous sols , leveraging our previous problem solving . It 's thanks in part to this effect that Ashitey is already done with the sequence by the time I come in . And it looks like it 's going to be a short day . Kevin Talley , our TUL today , wants to get out of here to play with a new flight simulator he 's hoping UPS will bring him this afternoon . Such an easy sol . For the first time in a long time , we actually run ahead of schedule and finish an hour early . So now we know : want to stay on schedule ? Buy Kevin a new flight simulator . If only we 'd known that back on sol 1 . [ 1 ] [ Next post : sol 237 , September 2 . ] Footnotes : [ 1 ] Kevin left for a while to work on Phoenix , and is now back on MER , training as a rover driver . I 'd forgotten this particular insight until now , but will have to keep it in mind for some time when I 'm on shift with him and need to hurry the day along . This morning is one of those mornings that makes me appreciate all the mornings that aren 't like this morning . But there 's good news when I get to work . Yestersol 's sequence worked out fine , despite the wacky joint moves we used . Yestersol 's focus was on brushing Ebenezer with the RAT ; thisol we 're following that up by grinding . Leaving an eternal mark on another world - - it 's a strange kind of immortality , but I have an inexhaustible appetite for it . After the grind , we APXS the RAT hole . As a measure of how cold it 's getting on Mars , we can APXS at mid - day - - since the APXS works best in the cold , we used to have to wait until late at night to start it . So the warmest part of our day is now about as cold as the coldest part of our day used to be . Poor Spirit . Hang in there , baby , summer 's coming . Just a few more months . . . . Of course , the colder temperatures , and reduced sun exposure , mean we have less energy to play with . So the RAT 's tail gets amputated - - what starts as a three - hour grind ( insert Gilligan 's Island reference here ) is cut to two and a half hours , then to two . Like any of the scientists , the RAT guys ' faces fall a little more each time they 're cut . I slide over to one of them , Phil Chu , and commiserate . " That 's the same thing that used to happen to us all the time on drive sols - - it starts out as a four - hour drive and you end up with fifteen minutes . " Phil laughs . " Ah , it 's not a problem , " he says . And he 's probably right , at that - - Ebenezer 's a soft rock ; even with only two hours to run , the RAT will take a good chunk out of it . I 'll never have kids , but I 'll make an indelible hole in a rock on Mars . Take that , posterity . " Let me tell you , this target sucks , " Chris exclaims . Truly , this target is in a very odd spot . The flight software will happily place the APXS and MB on it , but it generates errors when you try to place the RAT or MI . Which is supposed to be impossible - - if you can get there with one tool , you can get there with all of them . [ 1 ] Yet we 've found an exception to the rule . Still stranger , the software will happily place the MI all around the target ( which we did the other sol ) - - just not on the target itself . I 'd look into that if I had the time . Still , our explorations here continue to go well . The scientists have gained enough confidence in the instrument placements here that they 've cut down the MIs from 5 - stacks to 3 - stacks . That is , instead of taking a series of five images at each position , we 're taking just three . The more images you take , the more likely it is one will be in focus ; thus , shorter stacks indicate more confidence ( or less importance , or tighter downlink ) . We 've gone as high as eleven . Insert Spinal Tap joke here . There are limits to their confidence , though . Since the APXS doors recently didn 't open fully when we tried to open them on a rock target , they 've asked us to open the APXS on the CCT instead . The CCT , or Compositional Calibration Target , is a spot on the rover 's own body , just above the space the arm stows into . As its name implies , it 's used to help calibrate the MB and APXS - - we know what it 's made of , so taking readings of it helps us interpret readings of unknown stuff . And since it 's a hard and accessible surface , we can also open the APXS doors on it . But doing so requires a more - than - usual amount of clearance under the rover . The HAZCAMs can 't see that area , so Chris asks me to look back at imagery from previous sols to see if we have room . He tells me about some weird trick Frank uses for this , which basically amounts to an abuse of the IDD workspace display [ 2 ] , but it doesn 't seem to work for me and I quickly lose patience . Instead , I do what I usually do in this situation - - Posted by Amazingly , it worked . I don 't know if we 're better than I think we are or if we just dodged a bullet this time , but it worked . There 's no word yet on whether the MIs were in focus - - we 've just got the thumbnails , not the full images - - but there 's no IDD fault . Phew . So we worked around the terrain mesh problem yestersol , but the problem is still there . Indeed , if anything , we 've taken a step backward : Chris is going to have to redo his analysis of it , because his previous analysis was performed using a version of RSVP that incorrectly transformed site to rover coordinates [ 1 ] . So not only do we still have the problem , we know even less about it than we thought we did . I 've come in early to check on yestersol 's success and also to meet with a couple of reporters from Aviation Week . Aviation Week is going to run a story on MER , and they want to include a wealth of 3 - D images illustrating what we 've found and how we run the mission . In particular , they 're interested in RSVP . Frank 's the artist of the group , and as such he 's the best person for them to meet with . But he 's leaving on vacation and hasn 't packed yet , so he asks me to take care of them . They 're just going to need to understand what RSVP is , and what its capabilities are , he tells me . I can handle that . Only it turns out they 've already met with people and they know all that already . What they need is cool screen shots illustrating how we 've used RSVP , particularly in the second half of the mission . Preferably artsy stuff . I can 't handle that . Not that I don 't try . What we settle on , after half an hour of fumbling around , is taking a series of screen shots that communicate a sense of what they 're after , without actually being what they 're after . We email these to Frank , who will make versions of them that actually look cool . When he gets back from vacation . I just hope I haven 't wasted their time and put them off the whole idea . Sigh . Some days I feel useless . As they 're leaving , they catch sight of what Chris is working on . He 's looking up at the rover from in fPosted by I 'm the only rover driver who hasn 't worked on both rovers . Brian and Jeff did most of Spirit 's first drive before moving to Opportunity . Eric did the initial IDD checkout sequences , which Frank edited slightly , before moving to Opportunity ; and Eric came back for a sol or two . Chris has spent several sols on Opportunity , and John is racking up a few as well . Ashitey , too . Bob never worked on Opportunity as far as I can recall , but he 's off the project now . Which leaves me . But not for long : I have a shift scheduled on Opportunity tomorrow . Technically , I 'm a floater , which means in practice that I 'm working on both , but it counts . The only bad news is , I don 't know anything about what they 're up to or when they expect me to come in . So I go upstairs to the Opportunity room to find out . " When do you need me tomorrow ? " I ask Emily . " Tomorrow 's a restricted sol [ 1 ] , " she replies . " We don 't need a rover planner . " Well , that 's just ducky . I guess I won 't be working on Opportunity tomorrow , after all . And on the current schedule , I don 't get another chance at it for a while . And Opportunity has cool stuff going on right now , too , as Chris Salvo shows me . They found this weird mudlike stuff - - it looked like rock , but driving over it nearly destroyed much of it - - which they 're going to drive back to and examine in detail with the IDD . Nobody knows what this is . One thing is certain , though : I won 't be helping them find out . Ah , well , Spirit 's my first love , anyway . While I was away , they finished up at the previous location ( where the rover slipped almost double the predicted amount during my last drive - - turns out it 's a good thing I shortened it ) and then performed a short drive to a new rock called " Ebenezer . " The targets on Ebenezer are named for characters from " A Christmas Carol " - - TinyTim , Cratchit , Scrooge , Marley . We expect to stay at Ebenezer for a while . The scientists like this rock and our power situation is excellent , so we might stay here through solar conjunction [ 2 ] . In the meantime , we 'll be performing the uPosted by So I 'm RP - 1 , bright and shiny at 8 AM . And Art 's here , so it 's almost like the old days . " How ya doing , Art ? " I ask , and he groans , " So good . . . if it were any better , I don 't know if I 'd survive it . " So I 'm not the only non - morning person around here . " Are we still driving today ? " " Today we 're driving " - - he pauses dramatically - - " maybe one wheel rotation . Hey , don 't knock it - - they could take that away from us . " Since I 'm here at the right time , as opposed to the time the schedule said , I 'm actually present for the SOWG meeting . That 's been a long time - - so long , I have to ask Art if they 're still having them in the same location . They are , so I head upstairs for that . This SOWG is easy , since our sol is so easy . They 're finished RATting this spot right in front of us and want to RAT another spot near the right front wheel . So all we 're doing is turning 30 degrees clockwise and backing up 25cm . There 's a little concern that we 'll drive over the location we were just RATting before we have a chance to image it , but I model it in RSVP and demonstrate to their satisfaction that we won 't be coming anywhere near it . Of course , nothing is ever that easy , and today 's no exception . Since we 're on a steep slope , we expect to slip during the drive . The question is , how much ? Fortunately , I 'm getting better at delegating , so I just ask Rich Petras - - Mobility / IDD support thisol - - to figure it out for me . Between the turn and the drive , we expect to slip about 10cm downhill . RSVP shows that the RAT can still hit a target 10cm further upslope , meaning that the new RAT spot will be reachable even if we slip . I end up cutting the drive slightly , though , from 25cm to 20cm , just to split the difference . We 're holding a press conference today . On the agenda : what Opportunity 's been up to , why the scientists care about Spirit again , and news about Opportunity 's RAT . Art turns on the TV and starts flipping to the NASA channel , but gets stuck on the Olympics . I 'm busy polishing the drive , but the grunts of sympathetic pain behind me Posted by I 've been scheduled for the last few sols , but there 's been no rover motion . We 're taking advantage of our good power situation and our excellent location to take a bunch of images and charge the battery . So I keep coming in and being told , " Nothing interesting today ; you can go home . " And going home . I came in today mainly to drop off my copy of the Linux Journal that has Frank 's and my RSVP article in it . We 're duly congratulated . I 'm on as RP - 1 tomorrow , and I think we 'll actually be doing stuff . But it looks like tomorrow will be a simple sol . All we 're doing is a very short drive , not much more than a turn in place , and Ashitey already has a preliminary version ready . After I go over this with him , there 's not much more to do but go home . So I do that . Our issue of the Linux Journal . Not too surprisingly , we made the cover . I 'm RP - 1 again . I come in at 8 : 30 , expecting the SOWG meeting at 9 : 00 . But 9 : 00 rolls around , and no SOWG meeting . In fact , from listening to people talking , it sounds like they had it already . Turns out the schedule was erroneous . The schedule said the SOWG meeting would be at 9 : 00 , but in fact it was at 8 : 00 , and I 'm apparently the only one who read the schedule . Everyone else goes to the SOWG meeting every day , so they know when it 's happening , and don 't look at the schedule any more . So I missed it completely . A great way to start your day . Well , the other news is good . They got usable data from the APXS the other sol after all , Arthur tells me - - the doors were partly open , though they didn 't latch . We 're going to hold off on uplinking thisol 's sequences until we get confirmation that the doors closed , but we 're all pretty confident they will . Thisol we 're grinding this rock - - always a fun thing to do . And Ashitey 's my RP - 2 . Thisol goes a lot better than the last time he and I worked together ( two sols back ) , and I like to think it 's not only because I 'm the guy at the keyboard this time . ( It was true in first grade , and it 's true today : I need to learn to play better with others . ) The only blight on the day is that we have to cut the RAT grind . The day is constrained on one end by the fact that we can 't start IDD work until after noon ( it 's getting too cold on Mars as Gusev approaches winter ) and on the other end by a comm pass . In between , there 's just not enough time to do everything the scientists have asked for . We end up cutting some stuff out , and Ashitey and I find clever ways to squeeze down the timing of the other stuff , and in the end they have to cut only 30 minutes out of the grind . It 's still a shame , but since 30 minutes translates to only about half a millimeter of depth , the RAT guys don 't look all that upset . And as I 'm always saying , if science is happy , I 'm happy . And I 'm happy . [ Next post : sol 222 , August 17 . ] This is my first RP - 1 sol since I - don 't - know - when , and moreover I 'm doing it solo - - the scheduling snafu left us no RP - 2 , though Chris is here as a " floater . " I 'm so happy . It 's still shaping up to be a simple sol , a MB - to - APXS tool change . Since we 're in this weird out - of - phase part of the daily schedule , they haven 't even uplinked yesterday 's sequences yet , which means I have time to fix something if it 's wrong . But I check them out , and to my surprise I can 't find anything wrong with them . There 's stuff I 'd change in retrospect , but nothing really wrong . So I leave well enough alone . Anyway , I 've got thisol to worry about . It might be simple , but I don 't like to procrastinate , so I go ahead and whip out the sequence . Then we get the sol - 213 downlink . Just as no plan ever survives first contact with the enemy , so thisol 's plan will not survive first contact with the downlink . The joint angles from sol 213 were very close to the predicted values - - that is , the IDD went just about exactly where we asked it to go - - but the APXS contact switches report no contact and the APXS dust door reports that it 's still closed . Which is mildly bad . The APXS dust doors have to open in order for the scientists to get good data from the instrument . If they 're not open , we 'll have to redo this observation . We can 't redo it on this exact spot , since we 're going to RAT it on 214 - - unless we try to modify the sequence before uplinking it a few hours from now - - but that will be OK , since we 'll get effectively identical results by just APXSing other parts of the outcrop . We can do that without even driving . And anyway , the doors might be open even though the rover says they 're not - - on Opportunity , the switches are flaky , and maybe Spirit 's switches are starting to get flaky , too . If so , the APXS observation will be just fine ; we 'll know when we get the results back later tonight . So it 's not the end of the world . But it does leave us with a puzzle : why did the IDD stop moving ? Normally , the IDD will stop moving for one of three reasoPosted by This is new : Ashitey 's RP - 1 thisol . This is also new : there 's no RP - 1 scheduled for nextersol . But that 's a scheduling snafu , one I fix by volunteering to do it myself . ( Oh , twist my arm . ) I 'll need to be a little late , but Arthur says that won 't be a problem . " Tomorrow will just be a simple tool change , " he reassures me - - little realizing , I think , that he 's disappointing me instead . Hey , if I 'm going to be RP - 1 again for the first time in what seems like months , I want a damn challenge . But I 'll take what I can get . Thisol is the kind of complicated sol I 'm lusting for . We 're RATting a spot that we 'll then investigate with the MB . But there 's another issue : the sol - 212 MI images we took appear to be out of focus , so we want to redo them thisol . Now , stay with me . The lowest - - that is , closest - to - rock - - MI images appeared to be most nearly in focus . And Ashitey 's plan for thisol is to redo the stacks [ 1 ] using a technique that will start farther away from the rock . Which will make their focus worse , not better . Which is a complete waste of time , energy , and downlink data volume . I can 't seem to communicate this concept to Ashitey to save my life , so it goes up like that . [ 2 ] Oy . But Ashitey and I have worse problems . Thisol 's IDD work requires that we move the IDD away from its current position a few times . But because sol 213 's sequences haven 't executed yet , we don 't know exactly where the IDD contacted , so we have to pull some tricks to command the IDD back to its current position during thisol 's business . The IDD automatically remembers a single location , so the only way to do this is to use a special command that tells the IDD to put a different tool on the last saved location . And that command doesn 't seem to be working , at least not in the simulation . Neither Ashitey nor I can understand why not . It doesn 't make sense : we 're putting the IDD in the configuration it would have after the change - tool command would execute , then issuing the change - tool command , and the simulation says the command fails . We can 't Posted by But of course I didn 't go . Too much moving to do . " You should have gone , " says Chris . He 's nursing a hangover , and he 's not the only one . Sounds like it was a wild time . Well , having fun isn 't really my thing anyway . This is , of course , all related to the sad fact that the science teams are , for the most part , leaving us . At least they 're going out with a bang : Spirit 's findings at Gusev are the focus of a special issue of Science magazine , one of the two preeminent science magazines in the world . So that 's cool . JPL has access to Science online , so Art 's flipping through the images . One of the scientists asks what he 's doing , and Art says , " Reliving past glory . " Heck with that , I think ; we 've got plenty of future glory to achieve . Thisol 's little chunk of glory will be to finish up yestersol 's MB integration on the outcrop , then calibrate the MB and APXS before starting an APXS integration on the rock . It 's not terribly complicated , modulo some confusion about how many times we 're supposed to calibrate the APXS and whether we can calibrate the two instruments in parallel , and the day goes relatively smoothly . So smoothly , indeed , that I have some time to entertain a visitor brought in by Justin Wick , one of the SAP developers . The visitor 's name is Rupert Scammell ; he 's an Aussie who ported SAP to Irix - - he 's not a JPLer , so this was just for the fun of it , as far as I can tell - - and who is , obviously , a huge fan of the mission . Justin wants me to show Rupert RSVP , so I do , and I talk to him about being a rover driver , and he gives the impression of being suitably impressed . It 's a supremely geeky experience , of course , and at some point I start to feel self - conscious about this . Then I remember that if I weren 't a geek , I wouldn 't be here . And I shrug it off . It 's cool . The switchback drive worked - - we 've reached the outcrop , and the scientists are awfully excited about it . John and I get to be the first to IDD it . This still amazes me . This rock has been there , right in this spot , for four billion years , almost since Mars was born . We 're the first people ever to even see it , much less explore it . We 're starting out simply enough . Indeed , thisol is so simple that when I walk in , John tells me , " The sequence is done - - you can go home . " Of course , life on Mars is never quite that simple . Now that we 've made it up onto the outcrop , we 're oriented a little more toward the sun than we have been in recent sols , so we have a lot more energy to play with . So much energy , indeed , that the batteries will be fully charged and shunting - - " spilling over , " thus wasting energy , unless we find a way to use up more . So the science team asks if I can add in another stack of MI images near the existing stack , and I 'm only too happy to oblige . ( It 's always nice to have something moderately creative to do . ) The location they chose for the first MI stack is called " Cochiti , " an allusion to the Cochiti pueblo in New Mexico . I Google for a map of the area , find a nearby pueblo named " Jemez , " and name the second stack 's position that . I know it 's not official , but it 's damn cool to name things on another planet . The visiting scientists are leaving us . It 's their last weekend here , and some of the younger ones are throwing a wild party at their apartments to say goodbye . I 'm not planning to go , but then one of the scientists , Nicole Spanovich , asks me if I 'm going . " Nah , I 'm way too busy moving into my new house . " She looks almost hurt . " You should go , " she admonishes me . " Okay . " I 'm so easy . Courtesy NASA / JPL - Caltech . Persistence pays off . At last , we 're ready to start unlocking the secrets of this ancient stone . The news starts off good , at least . No errors on the drive , and we turned as expected for comm . But where the hell are we ? It looks like we have a little bit of outcrop under our wheels , and we 'll just need another drive to back up a little . But first we need to know where we are . What happens next is something we call " localization . " You look at pictures from the previous sol - - or earlier , if you have them - - and try to figure out where you are relative to that picture , by comparing it to the new picture . Generally , this is a game of hunting rocks , trying to find the same set of rocks in each image to use as landmarks . " Let 's see , if this guy here in this image is this guy over here in that image , then there would have to be a pointy rock over there . . . but there isn 't . . . so maybe that guy there is the same as that guy over there . . . . " It helps if you know roughly where you should be looking , which we do . This is laborious , but can be fun in its way . This time it 's not working out . There 's a clump of rocks right in front of us that should be obvious from the previous images , but hell if we can find them . We stare at the images for at least fifteen minutes , with plenty of false starts but no luck . More images come in , and one of the scientists takes a look at one and says , " You know , I don 't think we moved . " Ah - hah . The reason we weren 't able to localize the rover was that we were trying to find a solution near where we were supposed to end up . Instead we look at the area near where we started - - and sure enough , there 's the rock clump . We might have gained a whole meter . As more images and engineering data arrive , they dispel the mystery . Looks like the rover experienced about 66 % slip through the first part of the drive ( already more than we 'd planned ) , then the slope became so steep that it just couldn 't climb any further . The more it tried to climb , the more it slipped . In one case , visodom showed the rover experiencing 125 % slip - - the rover tried to step 60cm upslope , and ended up 15cm downslope . In the process Posted by Oh , damn it . I 'm there when the downlink starts , and one of the first things we see is an indication of another goal error . So at least the rover thinks we didn 't make it . Scott Doudrick is sitting to my right , monitoring the incoming data stream . " Bus voltage is 26 . 9 , " he says . " It didn 't go very far . " But then we get the rover 's reported coordinates , and they 're only about a meter away from the target . Maybe we 're not in such bad shape after all . The rover apparently entered a limit cycle , which means it was unable to find the goal and danced around it . Eventually , it was stopped by the time - of - day limit . What the hell happened ? The mid - drive and post - drive images clear up the matter . Just before it took the last step - - what should have been the final 2m of driving - - the rover was perfectly positioned , with the outcrop dead ahead . ( Well , dead behind - - we were driving backward . But right where it should have been , anyway ) The next image shows the rover two or three meters downslope of the target , with a lot of back - and - forth tracks visible in part of the image . It 's a bug . That final step of the drive told the rover to go to a Cartesian position 2m behind it , but the rover was unable to find that position because steep slopes confuse it . So it roverdanced , trying to find the right spot . This wouldn 't have taken it so far from the target by itself , but the rover kept slipping downhill as it went - - most of the resulting position error is from slip . ( Or at least this is my explanation . John has a different one . Pointing to a nearby copy of the _ Weekly World News _ that shows a family of Martian Eskimos , he deadpans , " I think the Eskimos did it . " ) In retrospect , we could have just told it to back up 2m , rather than the more complex command we used . But if the rover hadn 't started from the right spot , the more complex command might have worked better . It was a gamble , and we lost . So now we 're about 3m downslope of our target , and have to spend another sol climbing uphill . Which makes it twice as much of a shame that the Posted by At night , there 's a small red light in the sky . On that light lives four hundred pounds of thinking metal sent from Earth . I tell that metal what to do , and it does it .
|
The longer we stay at a rock target , the easier exploring it becomes . In part this is because we can reuse successful commands from previous sols , leveraging our previous problem solving . It 's thanks in part to this effect that Ashitey is already done with the sequence by the time I come in . And it looks like it 's going to be a short day . Kevin Talley , our TUL today , wants to get out of here to play with a new flight simulator he 's hoping UPS will bring him this afternoon . Such an easy sol . For the first time in a long time , we actually run ahead of schedule and finish an hour early . So now we know : want to stay on schedule ? Buy Kevin a new flight simulator . If only we 'd known that back on sol 1 . [ 1 ] [ Next post : sol 237 , September 2 . ] Footnotes : [ 1 ] Kevin left for a while to work on Phoenix , and is now back on MER , training as a rover driver . I 'd forgotten this particular insight until now , but will have to keep it in mind for some time when I 'm on shift with him and need to hurry the day along . This morning is one of those mornings that makes me appreciate all the mornings that aren 't like this morning . But there 's good news when I get to work . Yestersol 's sequence worked out fine , despite the wacky joint moves we used . Yestersol 's focus was on brushing Ebenezer with the RAT ; thisol we 're following that up by grinding . Leaving an eternal mark on another world - - it 's a strange kind of immortality , but I have an inexhaustible appetite for it . After the grind , we APXS the RAT hole . As a measure of how cold it 's getting on Mars , we can APXS at mid - day - - since the APXS works best in the cold , we used to have to wait until late at night to start it . So the warmest part of our day is now about as cold as the coldest part of our day used to be . Poor Spirit . Hang in there , baby , summer 's coming . Just a few more months . . . . Of course , the colder temperatures , and reduced sun exposure , mean we have less energy to play with . So the RAT 's tail gets amputated - - what starts as a three - hour grind ( insert Gilligan 's Island reference here ) is cut to two and a half hours , then to two . Like any of the scientists , the RAT guys ' faces fall a little more each time they 're cut . I slide over to one of them , Phil Chu , and commiserate . " That 's the same thing that used to happen to us all the time on drive sols - - it starts out as a four - hour drive and you end up with fifteen minutes . " Phil laughs . " Ah , it 's not a problem , " he says . And he 's probably right , at that - - Ebenezer 's a soft rock ; even with only two hours to run , the RAT will take a good chunk out of it . I 'll never have kids , but I 'll make an indelible hole in a rock on Mars . Take that , posterity . " Let me tell you , this target sucks , " Chris exclaims . Truly , this target is in a very odd spot . The flight software will happily place the APXS and MB on it , but it generates errors when you try to place the RAT or MI . Which is supposed to be impossible - - if you can get there with one tool , you can get there with all of them . [ 1 ] Yet we 've found an exception to the rule . Still stranger , the software will happily place the MI all around the target ( which we did the other sol ) - - just not on the target itself . I 'd look into that if I had the time . Still , our explorations here continue to go well . The scientists have gained enough confidence in the instrument placements here that they 've cut down the MIs from 5 - stacks to 3 - stacks . That is , instead of taking a series of five images at each position , we 're taking just three . The more images you take , the more likely it is one will be in focus ; thus , shorter stacks indicate more confidence ( or less importance , or tighter downlink ) . We 've gone as high as eleven . Insert Spinal Tap joke here . There are limits to their confidence , though . Since the APXS doors recently didn 't open fully when we tried to open them on a rock target , they 've asked us to open the APXS on the CCT instead . The CCT , or Compositional Calibration Target , is a spot on the rover 's own body , just above the space the arm stows into . As its name implies , it 's used to help calibrate the MB and APXS - - we know what it 's made of , so taking readings of it helps us interpret readings of unknown stuff . And since it 's a hard and accessible surface , we can also open the APXS doors on it . But doing so requires a more - than - usual amount of clearance under the rover . The HAZCAMs can 't see that area , so Chris asks me to look back at imagery from previous sols to see if we have room . He tells me about some weird trick Frank uses for this , which basically amounts to an abuse of the IDD workspace display [ 2 ] , but it doesn 't seem to work for me and I quickly lose patience . Instead , I do what I usually do in this situation - - Posted by Amazingly , it worked . I don 't know if we 're better than I think we are or if we just dodged a bullet this time , but it worked . There 's no word yet on whether the MIs were in focus - - we 've just got the thumbnails , not the full images - - but there 's no IDD fault . Phew . So we worked around the terrain mesh problem yestersol , but the problem is still there . Indeed , if anything , we 've taken a step backward : Chris is going to have to redo his analysis of it , because his previous analysis was performed using a version of RSVP that incorrectly transformed site to rover coordinates [ 1 ] . So not only do we still have the problem , we know even less about it than we thought we did . I 've come in early to check on yestersol 's success and also to meet with a couple of reporters from Aviation Week . Aviation Week is going to run a story on MER , and they want to include a wealth of 3 - D images illustrating what we 've found and how we run the mission . In particular , they 're interested in RSVP . Frank 's the artist of the group , and as such he 's the best person for them to meet with . But he 's leaving on vacation and hasn 't packed yet , so he asks me to take care of them . They 're just going to need to understand what RSVP is , and what its capabilities are , he tells me . I can handle that . Only it turns out they 've already met with people and they know all that already . What they need is cool screen shots illustrating how we 've used RSVP , particularly in the second half of the mission . Preferably artsy stuff . I can 't handle that . Not that I don 't try . What we settle on , after half an hour of fumbling around , is taking a series of screen shots that communicate a sense of what they 're after , without actually being what they 're after . We email these to Frank , who will make versions of them that actually look cool . When he gets back from vacation . I just hope I haven 't wasted their time and put them off the whole idea . Sigh . Some days I feel useless . As they 're leaving , they catch sight of what Chris is working on . He 's looking up at the rover from in fPosted by I 'm the only rover driver who hasn 't worked on both rovers . Brian and Jeff did most of Spirit 's first drive before moving to Opportunity . Eric did the initial IDD checkout sequences , which Frank edited slightly , before moving to Opportunity ; and Eric came back for a sol or two . Chris has spent several sols on Opportunity , and John is racking up a few as well . Ashitey , too . Bob never worked on Opportunity as far as I can recall , but he 's off the project now . Which leaves me . But not for long : I have a shift scheduled on Opportunity tomorrow . Technically , I 'm a floater , which means in practice that I 'm working on both , but it counts . The only bad news is , I don 't know anything about what they 're up to or when they expect me to come in . So I go upstairs to the Opportunity room to find out . " When do you need me tomorrow ? " I ask Emily . " Tomorrow 's a restricted sol [ 1 ] , " she replies . " We don 't need a rover planner . " Well , that 's just ducky . I guess I won 't be working on Opportunity tomorrow , after all . And on the current schedule , I don 't get another chance at it for a while . And Opportunity has cool stuff going on right now , too , as Chris Salvo shows me . They found this weird mudlike stuff - - it looked like rock , but driving over it nearly destroyed much of it - - which they 're going to drive back to and examine in detail with the IDD . Nobody knows what this is . One thing is certain , though : I won 't be helping them find out . Ah , well , Spirit 's my first love , anyway . While I was away , they finished up at the previous location ( where the rover slipped almost double the predicted amount during my last drive - - turns out it 's a good thing I shortened it ) and then performed a short drive to a new rock called " Ebenezer . " The targets on Ebenezer are named for characters from " A Christmas Carol " - - TinyTim , Cratchit , Scrooge , Marley . We expect to stay at Ebenezer for a while . The scientists like this rock and our power situation is excellent , so we might stay here through solar conjunction [ 2 ] . In the meantime , we 'll be performing the uPosted by So I 'm RP - 1 , bright and shiny at 8 AM . And Art 's here , so it 's almost like the old days . " How ya doing , Art ? " I ask , and he groans , " So good . . . if it were any better , I don 't know if I 'd survive it . " So I 'm not the only non - morning person around here . " Are we still driving today ? " " Today we 're driving " - - he pauses dramatically - - " maybe one wheel rotation . Hey , don 't knock it - - they could take that away from us . " Since I 'm here at the right time , as opposed to the time the schedule said , I 'm actually present for the SOWG meeting . That 's been a long time - - so long , I have to ask Art if they 're still having them in the same location . They are , so I head upstairs for that . This SOWG is easy , since our sol is so easy . They 're finished RATting this spot right in front of us and want to RAT another spot near the right front wheel . So all we 're doing is turning 30 degrees clockwise and backing up 25cm . There 's a little concern that we 'll drive over the location we were just RATting before we have a chance to image it , but I model it in RSVP and demonstrate to their satisfaction that we won 't be coming anywhere near it . Of course , nothing is ever that easy , and today 's no exception . Since we 're on a steep slope , we expect to slip during the drive . The question is , how much ? Fortunately , I 'm getting better at delegating , so I just ask Rich Petras - - Mobility / IDD support thisol - - to figure it out for me . Between the turn and the drive , we expect to slip about 10cm downhill . RSVP shows that the RAT can still hit a target 10cm further upslope , meaning that the new RAT spot will be reachable even if we slip . I end up cutting the drive slightly , though , from 25cm to 20cm , just to split the difference . We 're holding a press conference today . On the agenda : what Opportunity 's been up to , why the scientists care about Spirit again , and news about Opportunity 's RAT . Art turns on the TV and starts flipping to the NASA channel , but gets stuck on the Olympics . I 'm busy polishing the drive , but the grunts of sympathetic pain behind me Posted by I 've been scheduled for the last few sols , but there 's been no rover motion . We 're taking advantage of our good power situation and our excellent location to take a bunch of images and charge the battery . So I keep coming in and being told , " Nothing interesting today ; you can go home . " And going home . I came in today mainly to drop off my copy of the Linux Journal that has Frank 's and my RSVP article in it . We 're duly congratulated . I 'm on as RP - 1 tomorrow , and I think we 'll actually be doing stuff . But it looks like tomorrow will be a simple sol . All we 're doing is a very short drive , not much more than a turn in place , and Ashitey already has a preliminary version ready . After I go over this with him , there 's not much more to do but go home . So I do that . Our issue of the Linux Journal . Not too surprisingly , we made the cover . I 'm RP - 1 again . I come in at 8 : 30 , expecting the SOWG meeting at 9 : 00 . But 9 : 00 rolls around , and no SOWG meeting . In fact , from listening to people talking , it sounds like they had it already . Turns out the schedule was erroneous . The schedule said the SOWG meeting would be at 9 : 00 , but in fact it was at 8 : 00 , and I 'm apparently the only one who read the schedule . Everyone else goes to the SOWG meeting every day , so they know when it 's happening , and don 't look at the schedule any more . So I missed it completely . A great way to start your day . Well , the other news is good . They got usable data from the APXS the other sol after all , Arthur tells me - - the doors were partly open , though they didn 't latch . We 're going to hold off on uplinking thisol 's sequences until we get confirmation that the doors closed , but we 're all pretty confident they will . Thisol we 're grinding this rock - - always a fun thing to do . And Ashitey 's my RP - 2 . Thisol goes a lot better than the last time he and I worked together ( two sols back ) , and I like to think it 's not only because I 'm the guy at the keyboard this time . ( It was true in first grade , and it 's true today : I need to learn to play better with others . ) The only blight on the day is that we have to cut the RAT grind . The day is constrained on one end by the fact that we can 't start IDD work until after noon ( it 's getting too cold on Mars as Gusev approaches winter ) and on the other end by a comm pass . In between , there 's just not enough time to do everything the scientists have asked for . We end up cutting some stuff out , and Ashitey and I find clever ways to squeeze down the timing of the other stuff , and in the end they have to cut only 30 minutes out of the grind . It 's still a shame , but since 30 minutes translates to only about half a millimeter of depth , the RAT guys don 't look all that upset . And as I 'm always saying , if science is happy , I 'm happy . And I 'm happy . [ Next post : sol 222 , August 17 . ] This is my first RP - 1 sol since I - don 't - know - when , and moreover I 'm doing it solo - - the scheduling snafu left us no RP - 2 , though Chris is here as a " floater . " I 'm so happy . It 's still shaping up to be a simple sol , a MB - to - APXS tool change . Since we 're in this weird out - of - phase part of the daily schedule , they haven 't even uplinked yesterday 's sequences yet , which means I have time to fix something if it 's wrong . But I check them out , and to my surprise I can 't find anything wrong with them . There 's stuff I 'd change in retrospect , but nothing really wrong . So I leave well enough alone . Anyway , I 've got thisol to worry about . It might be simple , but I don 't like to procrastinate , so I go ahead and whip out the sequence . Then we get the sol - 213 downlink . Just as no plan ever survives first contact with the enemy , so thisol 's plan will not survive first contact with the downlink . The joint angles from sol 213 were very close to the predicted values - - that is , the IDD went just about exactly where we asked it to go - - but the APXS contact switches report no contact and the APXS dust door reports that it 's still closed . Which is mildly bad . The APXS dust doors have to open in order for the scientists to get good data from the instrument . If they 're not open , we 'll have to redo this observation . We can 't redo it on this exact spot , since we 're going to RAT it on 214 - - unless we try to modify the sequence before uplinking it a few hours from now - - but that will be OK , since we 'll get effectively identical results by just APXSing other parts of the outcrop . We can do that without even driving . And anyway , the doors might be open even though the rover says they 're not - - on Opportunity , the switches are flaky , and maybe Spirit 's switches are starting to get flaky , too . If so , the APXS observation will be just fine ; we 'll know when we get the results back later tonight . So it 's not the end of the world . But it does leave us with a puzzle : why did the IDD stop moving ? Normally , the IDD will stop moving for one of three reasoPosted by This is new : Ashitey 's RP - 1 thisol . This is also new : there 's no RP - 1 scheduled for nextersol . But that 's a scheduling snafu , one I fix by volunteering to do it myself . ( Oh , twist my arm . ) I 'll need to be a little late , but Arthur says that won 't be a problem . " Tomorrow will just be a simple tool change , " he reassures me - - little realizing , I think , that he 's disappointing me instead . Hey , if I 'm going to be RP - 1 again for the first time in what seems like months , I want a damn challenge . But I 'll take what I can get . Thisol is the kind of complicated sol I 'm lusting for . We 're RATting a spot that we 'll then investigate with the MB . But there 's another issue : the sol - 212 MI images we took appear to be out of focus , so we want to redo them thisol . Now , stay with me . The lowest - - that is , closest - to - rock - - MI images appeared to be most nearly in focus . And Ashitey 's plan for thisol is to redo the stacks [ 1 ] using a technique that will start farther away from the rock . Which will make their focus worse , not better . Which is a complete waste of time , energy , and downlink data volume . I can 't seem to communicate this concept to Ashitey to save my life , so it goes up like that . [ 2 ] Oy . But Ashitey and I have worse problems . Thisol 's IDD work requires that we move the IDD away from its current position a few times . But because sol 213 's sequences haven 't executed yet , we don 't know exactly where the IDD contacted , so we have to pull some tricks to command the IDD back to its current position during thisol 's business . The IDD automatically remembers a single location , so the only way to do this is to use a special command that tells the IDD to put a different tool on the last saved location . And that command doesn 't seem to be working , at least not in the simulation . Neither Ashitey nor I can understand why not . It doesn 't make sense : we 're putting the IDD in the configuration it would have after the change - tool command would execute , then issuing the change - tool command , and the simulation says the command fails . We can 't Posted by But of course I didn 't go . Too much moving to do . " You should have gone , " says Chris . He 's nursing a hangover , and he 's not the only one . Sounds like it was a wild time . Well , having fun isn 't really my thing anyway . This is , of course , all related to the sad fact that the science teams are , for the most part , leaving us . At least they 're going out with a bang : Spirit 's findings at Gusev are the focus of a special issue of Science magazine , one of the two preeminent science magazines in the world . So that 's cool . JPL has access to Science online , so Art 's flipping through the images . One of the scientists asks what he 's doing , and Art says , " Reliving past glory . " Heck with that , I think ; we 've got plenty of future glory to achieve . Thisol 's little chunk of glory will be to finish up yestersol 's MB integration on the outcrop , then calibrate the MB and APXS before starting an APXS integration on the rock . It 's not terribly complicated , modulo some confusion about how many times we 're supposed to calibrate the APXS and whether we can calibrate the two instruments in parallel , and the day goes relatively smoothly . So smoothly , indeed , that I have some time to entertain a visitor brought in by Justin Wick , one of the SAP developers . The visitor 's name is Rupert Scammell ; he 's an Aussie who ported SAP to Irix - - he 's not a JPLer , so this was just for the fun of it , as far as I can tell - - and who is , obviously , a huge fan of the mission . Justin wants me to show Rupert RSVP , so I do , and I talk to him about being a rover driver , and he gives the impression of being suitably impressed . It 's a supremely geeky experience , of course , and at some point I start to feel self - conscious about this . Then I remember that if I weren 't a geek , I wouldn 't be here . And I shrug it off . It 's cool . The switchback drive worked - - we 've reached the outcrop , and the scientists are awfully excited about it . John and I get to be the first to IDD it . This still amazes me . This rock has been there , right in this spot , for four billion years , almost since Mars was born . We 're the first people ever to even see it , much less explore it . We 're starting out simply enough . Indeed , thisol is so simple that when I walk in , John tells me , " The sequence is done - - you can go home . " Of course , life on Mars is never quite that simple . Now that we 've made it up onto the outcrop , we 're oriented a little more toward the sun than we have been in recent sols , so we have a lot more energy to play with . So much energy , indeed , that the batteries will be fully charged and shunting - - " spilling over , " thus wasting energy , unless we find a way to use up more . So the science team asks if I can add in another stack of MI images near the existing stack , and I 'm only too happy to oblige . ( It 's always nice to have something moderately creative to do . ) The location they chose for the first MI stack is called " Cochiti , " an allusion to the Cochiti pueblo in New Mexico . I Google for a map of the area , find a nearby pueblo named " Jemez , " and name the second stack 's position that . I know it 's not official , but it 's damn cool to name things on another planet . The visiting scientists are leaving us . It 's their last weekend here , and some of the younger ones are throwing a wild party at their apartments to say goodbye . I 'm not planning to go , but then one of the scientists , Nicole Spanovich , asks me if I 'm going . " Nah , I 'm way too busy moving into my new house . " She looks almost hurt . " You should go , " she admonishes me . " Okay . " I 'm so easy . Courtesy NASA / JPL - Caltech . Persistence pays off . At last , we 're ready to start unlocking the secrets of this ancient stone . The news starts off good , at least . No errors on the drive , and we turned as expected for comm . But where the hell are we ? It looks like we have a little bit of outcrop under our wheels , and we 'll just need another drive to back up a little . But first we need to know where we are . What happens next is something we call " localization . " You look at pictures from the previous sol - - or earlier , if you have them - - and try to figure out where you are relative to that picture , by comparing it to the new picture . Generally , this is a game of hunting rocks , trying to find the same set of rocks in each image to use as landmarks . " Let 's see , if this guy here in this image is this guy over here in that image , then there would have to be a pointy rock over there . . . but there isn 't . . . so maybe that guy there is the same as that guy over there . . . . " It helps if you know roughly where you should be looking , which we do . This is laborious , but can be fun in its way . This time it 's not working out . There 's a clump of rocks right in front of us that should be obvious from the previous images , but hell if we can find them . We stare at the images for at least fifteen minutes , with plenty of false starts but no luck . More images come in , and one of the scientists takes a look at one and says , " You know , I don 't think we moved . " Ah - hah . The reason we weren 't able to localize the rover was that we were trying to find a solution near where we were supposed to end up . Instead we look at the area near where we started - - and sure enough , there 's the rock clump . We might have gained a whole meter . As more images and engineering data arrive , they dispel the mystery . Looks like the rover experienced about 66 % slip through the first part of the drive ( already more than we 'd planned ) , then the slope became so steep that it just couldn 't climb any further . The more it tried to climb , the more it slipped . In one case , visodom showed the rover experiencing 125 % slip - - the rover tried to step 60cm upslope , and ended up 15cm downslope . In the process Posted by Oh , damn it . I 'm there when the downlink starts , and one of the first things we see is an indication of another goal error . So at least the rover thinks we didn 't make it . Scott Doudrick is sitting to my right , monitoring the incoming data stream . " Bus voltage is 26 . 9 , " he says . " It didn 't go very far . " But then we get the rover 's reported coordinates , and they 're only about a meter away from the target . Maybe we 're not in such bad shape after all . The rover apparently entered a limit cycle , which means it was unable to find the goal and danced around it . Eventually , it was stopped by the time - of - day limit . What the hell happened ? The mid - drive and post - drive images clear up the matter . Just before it took the last step - - what should have been the final 2m of driving - - the rover was perfectly positioned , with the outcrop dead ahead . ( Well , dead behind - - we were driving backward . But right where it should have been , anyway ) The next image shows the rover two or three meters downslope of the target , with a lot of back - and - forth tracks visible in part of the image . It 's a bug . That final step of the drive told the rover to go to a Cartesian position 2m behind it , but the rover was unable to find that position because steep slopes confuse it . So it roverdanced , trying to find the right spot . This wouldn 't have taken it so far from the target by itself , but the rover kept slipping downhill as it went - - most of the resulting position error is from slip . ( Or at least this is my explanation . John has a different one . Pointing to a nearby copy of the _ Weekly World News _ that shows a family of Martian Eskimos , he deadpans , " I think the Eskimos did it . " ) In retrospect , we could have just told it to back up 2m , rather than the more complex command we used . But if the rover hadn 't started from the right spot , the more complex command might have worked better . It was a gamble , and we lost . So now we 're about 3m downslope of our target , and have to spend another sol climbing uphill . Which makes it twice as much of a shame that the Posted by At night , there 's a small red light in the sky . On that light lives four hundred pounds of thinking metal sent from Earth . I tell that metal what to do , and it does it .
|
The longer we stay at a rock target , the easier exploring it becomes . In part this is because we can reuse successful commands from previous sols , leveraging our previous problem solving . It 's thanks in part to this effect that Ashitey is already done with the sequence by the time I come in . And it looks like it 's going to be a short day . Kevin Talley , our TUL today , wants to get out of here to play with a new flight simulator he 's hoping UPS will bring him this afternoon . Such an easy sol . For the first time in a long time , we actually run ahead of schedule and finish an hour early . So now we know : want to stay on schedule ? Buy Kevin a new flight simulator . If only we 'd known that back on sol 1 . [ 1 ] [ Next post : sol 237 , September 2 . ] Footnotes : [ 1 ] Kevin left for a while to work on Phoenix , and is now back on MER , training as a rover driver . I 'd forgotten this particular insight until now , but will have to keep it in mind for some time when I 'm on shift with him and need to hurry the day along . This morning is one of those mornings that makes me appreciate all the mornings that aren 't like this morning . But there 's good news when I get to work . Yestersol 's sequence worked out fine , despite the wacky joint moves we used . Yestersol 's focus was on brushing Ebenezer with the RAT ; thisol we 're following that up by grinding . Leaving an eternal mark on another world - - it 's a strange kind of immortality , but I have an inexhaustible appetite for it . After the grind , we APXS the RAT hole . As a measure of how cold it 's getting on Mars , we can APXS at mid - day - - since the APXS works best in the cold , we used to have to wait until late at night to start it . So the warmest part of our day is now about as cold as the coldest part of our day used to be . Poor Spirit . Hang in there , baby , summer 's coming . Just a few more months . . . . Of course , the colder temperatures , and reduced sun exposure , mean we have less energy to play with . So the RAT 's tail gets amputated - - what starts as a three - hour grind ( insert Gilligan 's Island reference here ) is cut to two and a half hours , then to two . Like any of the scientists , the RAT guys ' faces fall a little more each time they 're cut . I slide over to one of them , Phil Chu , and commiserate . " That 's the same thing that used to happen to us all the time on drive sols - - it starts out as a four - hour drive and you end up with fifteen minutes . " Phil laughs . " Ah , it 's not a problem , " he says . And he 's probably right , at that - - Ebenezer 's a soft rock ; even with only two hours to run , the RAT will take a good chunk out of it . I 'll never have kids , but I 'll make an indelible hole in a rock on Mars . Take that , posterity . " Let me tell you , this target sucks , " Chris exclaims . Truly , this target is in a very odd spot . The flight software will happily place the APXS and MB on it , but it generates errors when you try to place the RAT or MI . Which is supposed to be impossible - - if you can get there with one tool , you can get there with all of them . [ 1 ] Yet we 've found an exception to the rule . Still stranger , the software will happily place the MI all around the target ( which we did the other sol ) - - just not on the target itself . I 'd look into that if I had the time . Still , our explorations here continue to go well . The scientists have gained enough confidence in the instrument placements here that they 've cut down the MIs from 5 - stacks to 3 - stacks . That is , instead of taking a series of five images at each position , we 're taking just three . The more images you take , the more likely it is one will be in focus ; thus , shorter stacks indicate more confidence ( or less importance , or tighter downlink ) . We 've gone as high as eleven . Insert Spinal Tap joke here . There are limits to their confidence , though . Since the APXS doors recently didn 't open fully when we tried to open them on a rock target , they 've asked us to open the APXS on the CCT instead . The CCT , or Compositional Calibration Target , is a spot on the rover 's own body , just above the space the arm stows into . As its name implies , it 's used to help calibrate the MB and APXS - - we know what it 's made of , so taking readings of it helps us interpret readings of unknown stuff . And since it 's a hard and accessible surface , we can also open the APXS doors on it . But doing so requires a more - than - usual amount of clearance under the rover . The HAZCAMs can 't see that area , so Chris asks me to look back at imagery from previous sols to see if we have room . He tells me about some weird trick Frank uses for this , which basically amounts to an abuse of the IDD workspace display [ 2 ] , but it doesn 't seem to work for me and I quickly lose patience . Instead , I do what I usually do in this situation - - Posted by Amazingly , it worked . I don 't know if we 're better than I think we are or if we just dodged a bullet this time , but it worked . There 's no word yet on whether the MIs were in focus - - we 've just got the thumbnails , not the full images - - but there 's no IDD fault . Phew . So we worked around the terrain mesh problem yestersol , but the problem is still there . Indeed , if anything , we 've taken a step backward : Chris is going to have to redo his analysis of it , because his previous analysis was performed using a version of RSVP that incorrectly transformed site to rover coordinates [ 1 ] . So not only do we still have the problem , we know even less about it than we thought we did . I 've come in early to check on yestersol 's success and also to meet with a couple of reporters from Aviation Week . Aviation Week is going to run a story on MER , and they want to include a wealth of 3 - D images illustrating what we 've found and how we run the mission . In particular , they 're interested in RSVP . Frank 's the artist of the group , and as such he 's the best person for them to meet with . But he 's leaving on vacation and hasn 't packed yet , so he asks me to take care of them . They 're just going to need to understand what RSVP is , and what its capabilities are , he tells me . I can handle that . Only it turns out they 've already met with people and they know all that already . What they need is cool screen shots illustrating how we 've used RSVP , particularly in the second half of the mission . Preferably artsy stuff . I can 't handle that . Not that I don 't try . What we settle on , after half an hour of fumbling around , is taking a series of screen shots that communicate a sense of what they 're after , without actually being what they 're after . We email these to Frank , who will make versions of them that actually look cool . When he gets back from vacation . I just hope I haven 't wasted their time and put them off the whole idea . Sigh . Some days I feel useless . As they 're leaving , they catch sight of what Chris is working on . He 's looking up at the rover from in fPosted by I 'm the only rover driver who hasn 't worked on both rovers . Brian and Jeff did most of Spirit 's first drive before moving to Opportunity . Eric did the initial IDD checkout sequences , which Frank edited slightly , before moving to Opportunity ; and Eric came back for a sol or two . Chris has spent several sols on Opportunity , and John is racking up a few as well . Ashitey , too . Bob never worked on Opportunity as far as I can recall , but he 's off the project now . Which leaves me . But not for long : I have a shift scheduled on Opportunity tomorrow . Technically , I 'm a floater , which means in practice that I 'm working on both , but it counts . The only bad news is , I don 't know anything about what they 're up to or when they expect me to come in . So I go upstairs to the Opportunity room to find out . " When do you need me tomorrow ? " I ask Emily . " Tomorrow 's a restricted sol [ 1 ] , " she replies . " We don 't need a rover planner . " Well , that 's just ducky . I guess I won 't be working on Opportunity tomorrow , after all . And on the current schedule , I don 't get another chance at it for a while . And Opportunity has cool stuff going on right now , too , as Chris Salvo shows me . They found this weird mudlike stuff - - it looked like rock , but driving over it nearly destroyed much of it - - which they 're going to drive back to and examine in detail with the IDD . Nobody knows what this is . One thing is certain , though : I won 't be helping them find out . Ah , well , Spirit 's my first love , anyway . While I was away , they finished up at the previous location ( where the rover slipped almost double the predicted amount during my last drive - - turns out it 's a good thing I shortened it ) and then performed a short drive to a new rock called " Ebenezer . " The targets on Ebenezer are named for characters from " A Christmas Carol " - - TinyTim , Cratchit , Scrooge , Marley . We expect to stay at Ebenezer for a while . The scientists like this rock and our power situation is excellent , so we might stay here through solar conjunction [ 2 ] . In the meantime , we 'll be performing the uPosted by So I 'm RP - 1 , bright and shiny at 8 AM . And Art 's here , so it 's almost like the old days . " How ya doing , Art ? " I ask , and he groans , " So good . . . if it were any better , I don 't know if I 'd survive it . " So I 'm not the only non - morning person around here . " Are we still driving today ? " " Today we 're driving " - - he pauses dramatically - - " maybe one wheel rotation . Hey , don 't knock it - - they could take that away from us . " Since I 'm here at the right time , as opposed to the time the schedule said , I 'm actually present for the SOWG meeting . That 's been a long time - - so long , I have to ask Art if they 're still having them in the same location . They are , so I head upstairs for that . This SOWG is easy , since our sol is so easy . They 're finished RATting this spot right in front of us and want to RAT another spot near the right front wheel . So all we 're doing is turning 30 degrees clockwise and backing up 25cm . There 's a little concern that we 'll drive over the location we were just RATting before we have a chance to image it , but I model it in RSVP and demonstrate to their satisfaction that we won 't be coming anywhere near it . Of course , nothing is ever that easy , and today 's no exception . Since we 're on a steep slope , we expect to slip during the drive . The question is , how much ? Fortunately , I 'm getting better at delegating , so I just ask Rich Petras - - Mobility / IDD support thisol - - to figure it out for me . Between the turn and the drive , we expect to slip about 10cm downhill . RSVP shows that the RAT can still hit a target 10cm further upslope , meaning that the new RAT spot will be reachable even if we slip . I end up cutting the drive slightly , though , from 25cm to 20cm , just to split the difference . We 're holding a press conference today . On the agenda : what Opportunity 's been up to , why the scientists care about Spirit again , and news about Opportunity 's RAT . Art turns on the TV and starts flipping to the NASA channel , but gets stuck on the Olympics . I 'm busy polishing the drive , but the grunts of sympathetic pain behind me Posted by I 've been scheduled for the last few sols , but there 's been no rover motion . We 're taking advantage of our good power situation and our excellent location to take a bunch of images and charge the battery . So I keep coming in and being told , " Nothing interesting today ; you can go home . " And going home . I came in today mainly to drop off my copy of the Linux Journal that has Frank 's and my RSVP article in it . We 're duly congratulated . I 'm on as RP - 1 tomorrow , and I think we 'll actually be doing stuff . But it looks like tomorrow will be a simple sol . All we 're doing is a very short drive , not much more than a turn in place , and Ashitey already has a preliminary version ready . After I go over this with him , there 's not much more to do but go home . So I do that . Our issue of the Linux Journal . Not too surprisingly , we made the cover . I 'm RP - 1 again . I come in at 8 : 30 , expecting the SOWG meeting at 9 : 00 . But 9 : 00 rolls around , and no SOWG meeting . In fact , from listening to people talking , it sounds like they had it already . Turns out the schedule was erroneous . The schedule said the SOWG meeting would be at 9 : 00 , but in fact it was at 8 : 00 , and I 'm apparently the only one who read the schedule . Everyone else goes to the SOWG meeting every day , so they know when it 's happening , and don 't look at the schedule any more . So I missed it completely . A great way to start your day . Well , the other news is good . They got usable data from the APXS the other sol after all , Arthur tells me - - the doors were partly open , though they didn 't latch . We 're going to hold off on uplinking thisol 's sequences until we get confirmation that the doors closed , but we 're all pretty confident they will . Thisol we 're grinding this rock - - always a fun thing to do . And Ashitey 's my RP - 2 . Thisol goes a lot better than the last time he and I worked together ( two sols back ) , and I like to think it 's not only because I 'm the guy at the keyboard this time . ( It was true in first grade , and it 's true today : I need to learn to play better with others . ) The only blight on the day is that we have to cut the RAT grind . The day is constrained on one end by the fact that we can 't start IDD work until after noon ( it 's getting too cold on Mars as Gusev approaches winter ) and on the other end by a comm pass . In between , there 's just not enough time to do everything the scientists have asked for . We end up cutting some stuff out , and Ashitey and I find clever ways to squeeze down the timing of the other stuff , and in the end they have to cut only 30 minutes out of the grind . It 's still a shame , but since 30 minutes translates to only about half a millimeter of depth , the RAT guys don 't look all that upset . And as I 'm always saying , if science is happy , I 'm happy . And I 'm happy . [ Next post : sol 222 , August 17 . ] This is my first RP - 1 sol since I - don 't - know - when , and moreover I 'm doing it solo - - the scheduling snafu left us no RP - 2 , though Chris is here as a " floater . " I 'm so happy . It 's still shaping up to be a simple sol , a MB - to - APXS tool change . Since we 're in this weird out - of - phase part of the daily schedule , they haven 't even uplinked yesterday 's sequences yet , which means I have time to fix something if it 's wrong . But I check them out , and to my surprise I can 't find anything wrong with them . There 's stuff I 'd change in retrospect , but nothing really wrong . So I leave well enough alone . Anyway , I 've got thisol to worry about . It might be simple , but I don 't like to procrastinate , so I go ahead and whip out the sequence . Then we get the sol - 213 downlink . Just as no plan ever survives first contact with the enemy , so thisol 's plan will not survive first contact with the downlink . The joint angles from sol 213 were very close to the predicted values - - that is , the IDD went just about exactly where we asked it to go - - but the APXS contact switches report no contact and the APXS dust door reports that it 's still closed . Which is mildly bad . The APXS dust doors have to open in order for the scientists to get good data from the instrument . If they 're not open , we 'll have to redo this observation . We can 't redo it on this exact spot , since we 're going to RAT it on 214 - - unless we try to modify the sequence before uplinking it a few hours from now - - but that will be OK , since we 'll get effectively identical results by just APXSing other parts of the outcrop . We can do that without even driving . And anyway , the doors might be open even though the rover says they 're not - - on Opportunity , the switches are flaky , and maybe Spirit 's switches are starting to get flaky , too . If so , the APXS observation will be just fine ; we 'll know when we get the results back later tonight . So it 's not the end of the world . But it does leave us with a puzzle : why did the IDD stop moving ? Normally , the IDD will stop moving for one of three reasoPosted by This is new : Ashitey 's RP - 1 thisol . This is also new : there 's no RP - 1 scheduled for nextersol . But that 's a scheduling snafu , one I fix by volunteering to do it myself . ( Oh , twist my arm . ) I 'll need to be a little late , but Arthur says that won 't be a problem . " Tomorrow will just be a simple tool change , " he reassures me - - little realizing , I think , that he 's disappointing me instead . Hey , if I 'm going to be RP - 1 again for the first time in what seems like months , I want a damn challenge . But I 'll take what I can get . Thisol is the kind of complicated sol I 'm lusting for . We 're RATting a spot that we 'll then investigate with the MB . But there 's another issue : the sol - 212 MI images we took appear to be out of focus , so we want to redo them thisol . Now , stay with me . The lowest - - that is , closest - to - rock - - MI images appeared to be most nearly in focus . And Ashitey 's plan for thisol is to redo the stacks [ 1 ] using a technique that will start farther away from the rock . Which will make their focus worse , not better . Which is a complete waste of time , energy , and downlink data volume . I can 't seem to communicate this concept to Ashitey to save my life , so it goes up like that . [ 2 ] Oy . But Ashitey and I have worse problems . Thisol 's IDD work requires that we move the IDD away from its current position a few times . But because sol 213 's sequences haven 't executed yet , we don 't know exactly where the IDD contacted , so we have to pull some tricks to command the IDD back to its current position during thisol 's business . The IDD automatically remembers a single location , so the only way to do this is to use a special command that tells the IDD to put a different tool on the last saved location . And that command doesn 't seem to be working , at least not in the simulation . Neither Ashitey nor I can understand why not . It doesn 't make sense : we 're putting the IDD in the configuration it would have after the change - tool command would execute , then issuing the change - tool command , and the simulation says the command fails . We can 't Posted by But of course I didn 't go . Too much moving to do . " You should have gone , " says Chris . He 's nursing a hangover , and he 's not the only one . Sounds like it was a wild time . Well , having fun isn 't really my thing anyway . This is , of course , all related to the sad fact that the science teams are , for the most part , leaving us . At least they 're going out with a bang : Spirit 's findings at Gusev are the focus of a special issue of Science magazine , one of the two preeminent science magazines in the world . So that 's cool . JPL has access to Science online , so Art 's flipping through the images . One of the scientists asks what he 's doing , and Art says , " Reliving past glory . " Heck with that , I think ; we 've got plenty of future glory to achieve . Thisol 's little chunk of glory will be to finish up yestersol 's MB integration on the outcrop , then calibrate the MB and APXS before starting an APXS integration on the rock . It 's not terribly complicated , modulo some confusion about how many times we 're supposed to calibrate the APXS and whether we can calibrate the two instruments in parallel , and the day goes relatively smoothly . So smoothly , indeed , that I have some time to entertain a visitor brought in by Justin Wick , one of the SAP developers . The visitor 's name is Rupert Scammell ; he 's an Aussie who ported SAP to Irix - - he 's not a JPLer , so this was just for the fun of it , as far as I can tell - - and who is , obviously , a huge fan of the mission . Justin wants me to show Rupert RSVP , so I do , and I talk to him about being a rover driver , and he gives the impression of being suitably impressed . It 's a supremely geeky experience , of course , and at some point I start to feel self - conscious about this . Then I remember that if I weren 't a geek , I wouldn 't be here . And I shrug it off . It 's cool . The switchback drive worked - - we 've reached the outcrop , and the scientists are awfully excited about it . John and I get to be the first to IDD it . This still amazes me . This rock has been there , right in this spot , for four billion years , almost since Mars was born . We 're the first people ever to even see it , much less explore it . We 're starting out simply enough . Indeed , thisol is so simple that when I walk in , John tells me , " The sequence is done - - you can go home . " Of course , life on Mars is never quite that simple . Now that we 've made it up onto the outcrop , we 're oriented a little more toward the sun than we have been in recent sols , so we have a lot more energy to play with . So much energy , indeed , that the batteries will be fully charged and shunting - - " spilling over , " thus wasting energy , unless we find a way to use up more . So the science team asks if I can add in another stack of MI images near the existing stack , and I 'm only too happy to oblige . ( It 's always nice to have something moderately creative to do . ) The location they chose for the first MI stack is called " Cochiti , " an allusion to the Cochiti pueblo in New Mexico . I Google for a map of the area , find a nearby pueblo named " Jemez , " and name the second stack 's position that . I know it 's not official , but it 's damn cool to name things on another planet . The visiting scientists are leaving us . It 's their last weekend here , and some of the younger ones are throwing a wild party at their apartments to say goodbye . I 'm not planning to go , but then one of the scientists , Nicole Spanovich , asks me if I 'm going . " Nah , I 'm way too busy moving into my new house . " She looks almost hurt . " You should go , " she admonishes me . " Okay . " I 'm so easy . Courtesy NASA / JPL - Caltech . Persistence pays off . At last , we 're ready to start unlocking the secrets of this ancient stone . The news starts off good , at least . No errors on the drive , and we turned as expected for comm . But where the hell are we ? It looks like we have a little bit of outcrop under our wheels , and we 'll just need another drive to back up a little . But first we need to know where we are . What happens next is something we call " localization . " You look at pictures from the previous sol - - or earlier , if you have them - - and try to figure out where you are relative to that picture , by comparing it to the new picture . Generally , this is a game of hunting rocks , trying to find the same set of rocks in each image to use as landmarks . " Let 's see , if this guy here in this image is this guy over here in that image , then there would have to be a pointy rock over there . . . but there isn 't . . . so maybe that guy there is the same as that guy over there . . . . " It helps if you know roughly where you should be looking , which we do . This is laborious , but can be fun in its way . This time it 's not working out . There 's a clump of rocks right in front of us that should be obvious from the previous images , but hell if we can find them . We stare at the images for at least fifteen minutes , with plenty of false starts but no luck . More images come in , and one of the scientists takes a look at one and says , " You know , I don 't think we moved . " Ah - hah . The reason we weren 't able to localize the rover was that we were trying to find a solution near where we were supposed to end up . Instead we look at the area near where we started - - and sure enough , there 's the rock clump . We might have gained a whole meter . As more images and engineering data arrive , they dispel the mystery . Looks like the rover experienced about 66 % slip through the first part of the drive ( already more than we 'd planned ) , then the slope became so steep that it just couldn 't climb any further . The more it tried to climb , the more it slipped . In one case , visodom showed the rover experiencing 125 % slip - - the rover tried to step 60cm upslope , and ended up 15cm downslope . In the process Posted by Oh , damn it . I 'm there when the downlink starts , and one of the first things we see is an indication of another goal error . So at least the rover thinks we didn 't make it . Scott Doudrick is sitting to my right , monitoring the incoming data stream . " Bus voltage is 26 . 9 , " he says . " It didn 't go very far . " But then we get the rover 's reported coordinates , and they 're only about a meter away from the target . Maybe we 're not in such bad shape after all . The rover apparently entered a limit cycle , which means it was unable to find the goal and danced around it . Eventually , it was stopped by the time - of - day limit . What the hell happened ? The mid - drive and post - drive images clear up the matter . Just before it took the last step - - what should have been the final 2m of driving - - the rover was perfectly positioned , with the outcrop dead ahead . ( Well , dead behind - - we were driving backward . But right where it should have been , anyway ) The next image shows the rover two or three meters downslope of the target , with a lot of back - and - forth tracks visible in part of the image . It 's a bug . That final step of the drive told the rover to go to a Cartesian position 2m behind it , but the rover was unable to find that position because steep slopes confuse it . So it roverdanced , trying to find the right spot . This wouldn 't have taken it so far from the target by itself , but the rover kept slipping downhill as it went - - most of the resulting position error is from slip . ( Or at least this is my explanation . John has a different one . Pointing to a nearby copy of the _ Weekly World News _ that shows a family of Martian Eskimos , he deadpans , " I think the Eskimos did it . " ) In retrospect , we could have just told it to back up 2m , rather than the more complex command we used . But if the rover hadn 't started from the right spot , the more complex command might have worked better . It was a gamble , and we lost . So now we 're about 3m downslope of our target , and have to spend another sol climbing uphill . Which makes it twice as much of a shame that the Posted by At night , there 's a small red light in the sky . On that light lives four hundred pounds of thinking metal sent from Earth . I tell that metal what to do , and it does it .
|
The longer we stay at a rock target , the easier exploring it becomes . In part this is because we can reuse successful commands from previous sols , leveraging our previous problem solving . It 's thanks in part to this effect that Ashitey is already done with the sequence by the time I come in . And it looks like it 's going to be a short day . Kevin Talley , our TUL today , wants to get out of here to play with a new flight simulator he 's hoping UPS will bring him this afternoon . Such an easy sol . For the first time in a long time , we actually run ahead of schedule and finish an hour early . So now we know : want to stay on schedule ? Buy Kevin a new flight simulator . If only we 'd known that back on sol 1 . [ 1 ] [ Next post : sol 237 , September 2 . ] Footnotes : [ 1 ] Kevin left for a while to work on Phoenix , and is now back on MER , training as a rover driver . I 'd forgotten this particular insight until now , but will have to keep it in mind for some time when I 'm on shift with him and need to hurry the day along . This morning is one of those mornings that makes me appreciate all the mornings that aren 't like this morning . But there 's good news when I get to work . Yestersol 's sequence worked out fine , despite the wacky joint moves we used . Yestersol 's focus was on brushing Ebenezer with the RAT ; thisol we 're following that up by grinding . Leaving an eternal mark on another world - - it 's a strange kind of immortality , but I have an inexhaustible appetite for it . After the grind , we APXS the RAT hole . As a measure of how cold it 's getting on Mars , we can APXS at mid - day - - since the APXS works best in the cold , we used to have to wait until late at night to start it . So the warmest part of our day is now about as cold as the coldest part of our day used to be . Poor Spirit . Hang in there , baby , summer 's coming . Just a few more months . . . . Of course , the colder temperatures , and reduced sun exposure , mean we have less energy to play with . So the RAT 's tail gets amputated - - what starts as a three - hour grind ( insert Gilligan 's Island reference here ) is cut to two and a half hours , then to two . Like any of the scientists , the RAT guys ' faces fall a little more each time they 're cut . I slide over to one of them , Phil Chu , and commiserate . " That 's the same thing that used to happen to us all the time on drive sols - - it starts out as a four - hour drive and you end up with fifteen minutes . " Phil laughs . " Ah , it 's not a problem , " he says . And he 's probably right , at that - - Ebenezer 's a soft rock ; even with only two hours to run , the RAT will take a good chunk out of it . I 'll never have kids , but I 'll make an indelible hole in a rock on Mars . Take that , posterity . " Let me tell you , this target sucks , " Chris exclaims . Truly , this target is in a very odd spot . The flight software will happily place the APXS and MB on it , but it generates errors when you try to place the RAT or MI . Which is supposed to be impossible - - if you can get there with one tool , you can get there with all of them . [ 1 ] Yet we 've found an exception to the rule . Still stranger , the software will happily place the MI all around the target ( which we did the other sol ) - - just not on the target itself . I 'd look into that if I had the time . Still , our explorations here continue to go well . The scientists have gained enough confidence in the instrument placements here that they 've cut down the MIs from 5 - stacks to 3 - stacks . That is , instead of taking a series of five images at each position , we 're taking just three . The more images you take , the more likely it is one will be in focus ; thus , shorter stacks indicate more confidence ( or less importance , or tighter downlink ) . We 've gone as high as eleven . Insert Spinal Tap joke here . There are limits to their confidence , though . Since the APXS doors recently didn 't open fully when we tried to open them on a rock target , they 've asked us to open the APXS on the CCT instead . The CCT , or Compositional Calibration Target , is a spot on the rover 's own body , just above the space the arm stows into . As its name implies , it 's used to help calibrate the MB and APXS - - we know what it 's made of , so taking readings of it helps us interpret readings of unknown stuff . And since it 's a hard and accessible surface , we can also open the APXS doors on it . But doing so requires a more - than - usual amount of clearance under the rover . The HAZCAMs can 't see that area , so Chris asks me to look back at imagery from previous sols to see if we have room . He tells me about some weird trick Frank uses for this , which basically amounts to an abuse of the IDD workspace display [ 2 ] , but it doesn 't seem to work for me and I quickly lose patience . Instead , I do what I usually do in this situation - - Posted by Amazingly , it worked . I don 't know if we 're better than I think we are or if we just dodged a bullet this time , but it worked . There 's no word yet on whether the MIs were in focus - - we 've just got the thumbnails , not the full images - - but there 's no IDD fault . Phew . So we worked around the terrain mesh problem yestersol , but the problem is still there . Indeed , if anything , we 've taken a step backward : Chris is going to have to redo his analysis of it , because his previous analysis was performed using a version of RSVP that incorrectly transformed site to rover coordinates [ 1 ] . So not only do we still have the problem , we know even less about it than we thought we did . I 've come in early to check on yestersol 's success and also to meet with a couple of reporters from Aviation Week . Aviation Week is going to run a story on MER , and they want to include a wealth of 3 - D images illustrating what we 've found and how we run the mission . In particular , they 're interested in RSVP . Frank 's the artist of the group , and as such he 's the best person for them to meet with . But he 's leaving on vacation and hasn 't packed yet , so he asks me to take care of them . They 're just going to need to understand what RSVP is , and what its capabilities are , he tells me . I can handle that . Only it turns out they 've already met with people and they know all that already . What they need is cool screen shots illustrating how we 've used RSVP , particularly in the second half of the mission . Preferably artsy stuff . I can 't handle that . Not that I don 't try . What we settle on , after half an hour of fumbling around , is taking a series of screen shots that communicate a sense of what they 're after , without actually being what they 're after . We email these to Frank , who will make versions of them that actually look cool . When he gets back from vacation . I just hope I haven 't wasted their time and put them off the whole idea . Sigh . Some days I feel useless . As they 're leaving , they catch sight of what Chris is working on . He 's looking up at the rover from in fPosted by I 'm the only rover driver who hasn 't worked on both rovers . Brian and Jeff did most of Spirit 's first drive before moving to Opportunity . Eric did the initial IDD checkout sequences , which Frank edited slightly , before moving to Opportunity ; and Eric came back for a sol or two . Chris has spent several sols on Opportunity , and John is racking up a few as well . Ashitey , too . Bob never worked on Opportunity as far as I can recall , but he 's off the project now . Which leaves me . But not for long : I have a shift scheduled on Opportunity tomorrow . Technically , I 'm a floater , which means in practice that I 'm working on both , but it counts . The only bad news is , I don 't know anything about what they 're up to or when they expect me to come in . So I go upstairs to the Opportunity room to find out . " When do you need me tomorrow ? " I ask Emily . " Tomorrow 's a restricted sol [ 1 ] , " she replies . " We don 't need a rover planner . " Well , that 's just ducky . I guess I won 't be working on Opportunity tomorrow , after all . And on the current schedule , I don 't get another chance at it for a while . And Opportunity has cool stuff going on right now , too , as Chris Salvo shows me . They found this weird mudlike stuff - - it looked like rock , but driving over it nearly destroyed much of it - - which they 're going to drive back to and examine in detail with the IDD . Nobody knows what this is . One thing is certain , though : I won 't be helping them find out . Ah , well , Spirit 's my first love , anyway . While I was away , they finished up at the previous location ( where the rover slipped almost double the predicted amount during my last drive - - turns out it 's a good thing I shortened it ) and then performed a short drive to a new rock called " Ebenezer . " The targets on Ebenezer are named for characters from " A Christmas Carol " - - TinyTim , Cratchit , Scrooge , Marley . We expect to stay at Ebenezer for a while . The scientists like this rock and our power situation is excellent , so we might stay here through solar conjunction [ 2 ] . In the meantime , we 'll be performing the uPosted by So I 'm RP - 1 , bright and shiny at 8 AM . And Art 's here , so it 's almost like the old days . " How ya doing , Art ? " I ask , and he groans , " So good . . . if it were any better , I don 't know if I 'd survive it . " So I 'm not the only non - morning person around here . " Are we still driving today ? " " Today we 're driving " - - he pauses dramatically - - " maybe one wheel rotation . Hey , don 't knock it - - they could take that away from us . " Since I 'm here at the right time , as opposed to the time the schedule said , I 'm actually present for the SOWG meeting . That 's been a long time - - so long , I have to ask Art if they 're still having them in the same location . They are , so I head upstairs for that . This SOWG is easy , since our sol is so easy . They 're finished RATting this spot right in front of us and want to RAT another spot near the right front wheel . So all we 're doing is turning 30 degrees clockwise and backing up 25cm . There 's a little concern that we 'll drive over the location we were just RATting before we have a chance to image it , but I model it in RSVP and demonstrate to their satisfaction that we won 't be coming anywhere near it . Of course , nothing is ever that easy , and today 's no exception . Since we 're on a steep slope , we expect to slip during the drive . The question is , how much ? Fortunately , I 'm getting better at delegating , so I just ask Rich Petras - - Mobility / IDD support thisol - - to figure it out for me . Between the turn and the drive , we expect to slip about 10cm downhill . RSVP shows that the RAT can still hit a target 10cm further upslope , meaning that the new RAT spot will be reachable even if we slip . I end up cutting the drive slightly , though , from 25cm to 20cm , just to split the difference . We 're holding a press conference today . On the agenda : what Opportunity 's been up to , why the scientists care about Spirit again , and news about Opportunity 's RAT . Art turns on the TV and starts flipping to the NASA channel , but gets stuck on the Olympics . I 'm busy polishing the drive , but the grunts of sympathetic pain behind me Posted by I 've been scheduled for the last few sols , but there 's been no rover motion . We 're taking advantage of our good power situation and our excellent location to take a bunch of images and charge the battery . So I keep coming in and being told , " Nothing interesting today ; you can go home . " And going home . I came in today mainly to drop off my copy of the Linux Journal that has Frank 's and my RSVP article in it . We 're duly congratulated . I 'm on as RP - 1 tomorrow , and I think we 'll actually be doing stuff . But it looks like tomorrow will be a simple sol . All we 're doing is a very short drive , not much more than a turn in place , and Ashitey already has a preliminary version ready . After I go over this with him , there 's not much more to do but go home . So I do that . Our issue of the Linux Journal . Not too surprisingly , we made the cover . I 'm RP - 1 again . I come in at 8 : 30 , expecting the SOWG meeting at 9 : 00 . But 9 : 00 rolls around , and no SOWG meeting . In fact , from listening to people talking , it sounds like they had it already . Turns out the schedule was erroneous . The schedule said the SOWG meeting would be at 9 : 00 , but in fact it was at 8 : 00 , and I 'm apparently the only one who read the schedule . Everyone else goes to the SOWG meeting every day , so they know when it 's happening , and don 't look at the schedule any more . So I missed it completely . A great way to start your day . Well , the other news is good . They got usable data from the APXS the other sol after all , Arthur tells me - - the doors were partly open , though they didn 't latch . We 're going to hold off on uplinking thisol 's sequences until we get confirmation that the doors closed , but we 're all pretty confident they will . Thisol we 're grinding this rock - - always a fun thing to do . And Ashitey 's my RP - 2 . Thisol goes a lot better than the last time he and I worked together ( two sols back ) , and I like to think it 's not only because I 'm the guy at the keyboard this time . ( It was true in first grade , and it 's true today : I need to learn to play better with others . ) The only blight on the day is that we have to cut the RAT grind . The day is constrained on one end by the fact that we can 't start IDD work until after noon ( it 's getting too cold on Mars as Gusev approaches winter ) and on the other end by a comm pass . In between , there 's just not enough time to do everything the scientists have asked for . We end up cutting some stuff out , and Ashitey and I find clever ways to squeeze down the timing of the other stuff , and in the end they have to cut only 30 minutes out of the grind . It 's still a shame , but since 30 minutes translates to only about half a millimeter of depth , the RAT guys don 't look all that upset . And as I 'm always saying , if science is happy , I 'm happy . And I 'm happy . [ Next post : sol 222 , August 17 . ] This is my first RP - 1 sol since I - don 't - know - when , and moreover I 'm doing it solo - - the scheduling snafu left us no RP - 2 , though Chris is here as a " floater . " I 'm so happy . It 's still shaping up to be a simple sol , a MB - to - APXS tool change . Since we 're in this weird out - of - phase part of the daily schedule , they haven 't even uplinked yesterday 's sequences yet , which means I have time to fix something if it 's wrong . But I check them out , and to my surprise I can 't find anything wrong with them . There 's stuff I 'd change in retrospect , but nothing really wrong . So I leave well enough alone . Anyway , I 've got thisol to worry about . It might be simple , but I don 't like to procrastinate , so I go ahead and whip out the sequence . Then we get the sol - 213 downlink . Just as no plan ever survives first contact with the enemy , so thisol 's plan will not survive first contact with the downlink . The joint angles from sol 213 were very close to the predicted values - - that is , the IDD went just about exactly where we asked it to go - - but the APXS contact switches report no contact and the APXS dust door reports that it 's still closed . Which is mildly bad . The APXS dust doors have to open in order for the scientists to get good data from the instrument . If they 're not open , we 'll have to redo this observation . We can 't redo it on this exact spot , since we 're going to RAT it on 214 - - unless we try to modify the sequence before uplinking it a few hours from now - - but that will be OK , since we 'll get effectively identical results by just APXSing other parts of the outcrop . We can do that without even driving . And anyway , the doors might be open even though the rover says they 're not - - on Opportunity , the switches are flaky , and maybe Spirit 's switches are starting to get flaky , too . If so , the APXS observation will be just fine ; we 'll know when we get the results back later tonight . So it 's not the end of the world . But it does leave us with a puzzle : why did the IDD stop moving ? Normally , the IDD will stop moving for one of three reasoPosted by This is new : Ashitey 's RP - 1 thisol . This is also new : there 's no RP - 1 scheduled for nextersol . But that 's a scheduling snafu , one I fix by volunteering to do it myself . ( Oh , twist my arm . ) I 'll need to be a little late , but Arthur says that won 't be a problem . " Tomorrow will just be a simple tool change , " he reassures me - - little realizing , I think , that he 's disappointing me instead . Hey , if I 'm going to be RP - 1 again for the first time in what seems like months , I want a damn challenge . But I 'll take what I can get . Thisol is the kind of complicated sol I 'm lusting for . We 're RATting a spot that we 'll then investigate with the MB . But there 's another issue : the sol - 212 MI images we took appear to be out of focus , so we want to redo them thisol . Now , stay with me . The lowest - - that is , closest - to - rock - - MI images appeared to be most nearly in focus . And Ashitey 's plan for thisol is to redo the stacks [ 1 ] using a technique that will start farther away from the rock . Which will make their focus worse , not better . Which is a complete waste of time , energy , and downlink data volume . I can 't seem to communicate this concept to Ashitey to save my life , so it goes up like that . [ 2 ] Oy . But Ashitey and I have worse problems . Thisol 's IDD work requires that we move the IDD away from its current position a few times . But because sol 213 's sequences haven 't executed yet , we don 't know exactly where the IDD contacted , so we have to pull some tricks to command the IDD back to its current position during thisol 's business . The IDD automatically remembers a single location , so the only way to do this is to use a special command that tells the IDD to put a different tool on the last saved location . And that command doesn 't seem to be working , at least not in the simulation . Neither Ashitey nor I can understand why not . It doesn 't make sense : we 're putting the IDD in the configuration it would have after the change - tool command would execute , then issuing the change - tool command , and the simulation says the command fails . We can 't Posted by But of course I didn 't go . Too much moving to do . " You should have gone , " says Chris . He 's nursing a hangover , and he 's not the only one . Sounds like it was a wild time . Well , having fun isn 't really my thing anyway . This is , of course , all related to the sad fact that the science teams are , for the most part , leaving us . At least they 're going out with a bang : Spirit 's findings at Gusev are the focus of a special issue of Science magazine , one of the two preeminent science magazines in the world . So that 's cool . JPL has access to Science online , so Art 's flipping through the images . One of the scientists asks what he 's doing , and Art says , " Reliving past glory . " Heck with that , I think ; we 've got plenty of future glory to achieve . Thisol 's little chunk of glory will be to finish up yestersol 's MB integration on the outcrop , then calibrate the MB and APXS before starting an APXS integration on the rock . It 's not terribly complicated , modulo some confusion about how many times we 're supposed to calibrate the APXS and whether we can calibrate the two instruments in parallel , and the day goes relatively smoothly . So smoothly , indeed , that I have some time to entertain a visitor brought in by Justin Wick , one of the SAP developers . The visitor 's name is Rupert Scammell ; he 's an Aussie who ported SAP to Irix - - he 's not a JPLer , so this was just for the fun of it , as far as I can tell - - and who is , obviously , a huge fan of the mission . Justin wants me to show Rupert RSVP , so I do , and I talk to him about being a rover driver , and he gives the impression of being suitably impressed . It 's a supremely geeky experience , of course , and at some point I start to feel self - conscious about this . Then I remember that if I weren 't a geek , I wouldn 't be here . And I shrug it off . It 's cool . The switchback drive worked - - we 've reached the outcrop , and the scientists are awfully excited about it . John and I get to be the first to IDD it . This still amazes me . This rock has been there , right in this spot , for four billion years , almost since Mars was born . We 're the first people ever to even see it , much less explore it . We 're starting out simply enough . Indeed , thisol is so simple that when I walk in , John tells me , " The sequence is done - - you can go home . " Of course , life on Mars is never quite that simple . Now that we 've made it up onto the outcrop , we 're oriented a little more toward the sun than we have been in recent sols , so we have a lot more energy to play with . So much energy , indeed , that the batteries will be fully charged and shunting - - " spilling over , " thus wasting energy , unless we find a way to use up more . So the science team asks if I can add in another stack of MI images near the existing stack , and I 'm only too happy to oblige . ( It 's always nice to have something moderately creative to do . ) The location they chose for the first MI stack is called " Cochiti , " an allusion to the Cochiti pueblo in New Mexico . I Google for a map of the area , find a nearby pueblo named " Jemez , " and name the second stack 's position that . I know it 's not official , but it 's damn cool to name things on another planet . The visiting scientists are leaving us . It 's their last weekend here , and some of the younger ones are throwing a wild party at their apartments to say goodbye . I 'm not planning to go , but then one of the scientists , Nicole Spanovich , asks me if I 'm going . " Nah , I 'm way too busy moving into my new house . " She looks almost hurt . " You should go , " she admonishes me . " Okay . " I 'm so easy . Courtesy NASA / JPL - Caltech . Persistence pays off . At last , we 're ready to start unlocking the secrets of this ancient stone . The news starts off good , at least . No errors on the drive , and we turned as expected for comm . But where the hell are we ? It looks like we have a little bit of outcrop under our wheels , and we 'll just need another drive to back up a little . But first we need to know where we are . What happens next is something we call " localization . " You look at pictures from the previous sol - - or earlier , if you have them - - and try to figure out where you are relative to that picture , by comparing it to the new picture . Generally , this is a game of hunting rocks , trying to find the same set of rocks in each image to use as landmarks . " Let 's see , if this guy here in this image is this guy over here in that image , then there would have to be a pointy rock over there . . . but there isn 't . . . so maybe that guy there is the same as that guy over there . . . . " It helps if you know roughly where you should be looking , which we do . This is laborious , but can be fun in its way . This time it 's not working out . There 's a clump of rocks right in front of us that should be obvious from the previous images , but hell if we can find them . We stare at the images for at least fifteen minutes , with plenty of false starts but no luck . More images come in , and one of the scientists takes a look at one and says , " You know , I don 't think we moved . " Ah - hah . The reason we weren 't able to localize the rover was that we were trying to find a solution near where we were supposed to end up . Instead we look at the area near where we started - - and sure enough , there 's the rock clump . We might have gained a whole meter . As more images and engineering data arrive , they dispel the mystery . Looks like the rover experienced about 66 % slip through the first part of the drive ( already more than we 'd planned ) , then the slope became so steep that it just couldn 't climb any further . The more it tried to climb , the more it slipped . In one case , visodom showed the rover experiencing 125 % slip - - the rover tried to step 60cm upslope , and ended up 15cm downslope . In the process Posted by Oh , damn it . I 'm there when the downlink starts , and one of the first things we see is an indication of another goal error . So at least the rover thinks we didn 't make it . Scott Doudrick is sitting to my right , monitoring the incoming data stream . " Bus voltage is 26 . 9 , " he says . " It didn 't go very far . " But then we get the rover 's reported coordinates , and they 're only about a meter away from the target . Maybe we 're not in such bad shape after all . The rover apparently entered a limit cycle , which means it was unable to find the goal and danced around it . Eventually , it was stopped by the time - of - day limit . What the hell happened ? The mid - drive and post - drive images clear up the matter . Just before it took the last step - - what should have been the final 2m of driving - - the rover was perfectly positioned , with the outcrop dead ahead . ( Well , dead behind - - we were driving backward . But right where it should have been , anyway ) The next image shows the rover two or three meters downslope of the target , with a lot of back - and - forth tracks visible in part of the image . It 's a bug . That final step of the drive told the rover to go to a Cartesian position 2m behind it , but the rover was unable to find that position because steep slopes confuse it . So it roverdanced , trying to find the right spot . This wouldn 't have taken it so far from the target by itself , but the rover kept slipping downhill as it went - - most of the resulting position error is from slip . ( Or at least this is my explanation . John has a different one . Pointing to a nearby copy of the _ Weekly World News _ that shows a family of Martian Eskimos , he deadpans , " I think the Eskimos did it . " ) In retrospect , we could have just told it to back up 2m , rather than the more complex command we used . But if the rover hadn 't started from the right spot , the more complex command might have worked better . It was a gamble , and we lost . So now we 're about 3m downslope of our target , and have to spend another sol climbing uphill . Which makes it twice as much of a shame that the Posted by At night , there 's a small red light in the sky . On that light lives four hundred pounds of thinking metal sent from Earth . I tell that metal what to do , and it does it .
|
The longer we stay at a rock target , the easier exploring it becomes . In part this is because we can reuse successful commands from previous sols , leveraging our previous problem solving . It 's thanks in part to this effect that Ashitey is already done with the sequence by the time I come in . And it looks like it 's going to be a short day . Kevin Talley , our TUL today , wants to get out of here to play with a new flight simulator he 's hoping UPS will bring him this afternoon . Such an easy sol . For the first time in a long time , we actually run ahead of schedule and finish an hour early . So now we know : want to stay on schedule ? Buy Kevin a new flight simulator . If only we 'd known that back on sol 1 . [ 1 ] [ Next post : sol 237 , September 2 . ] Footnotes : [ 1 ] Kevin left for a while to work on Phoenix , and is now back on MER , training as a rover driver . I 'd forgotten this particular insight until now , but will have to keep it in mind for some time when I 'm on shift with him and need to hurry the day along . This morning is one of those mornings that makes me appreciate all the mornings that aren 't like this morning . But there 's good news when I get to work . Yestersol 's sequence worked out fine , despite the wacky joint moves we used . Yestersol 's focus was on brushing Ebenezer with the RAT ; thisol we 're following that up by grinding . Leaving an eternal mark on another world - - it 's a strange kind of immortality , but I have an inexhaustible appetite for it . After the grind , we APXS the RAT hole . As a measure of how cold it 's getting on Mars , we can APXS at mid - day - - since the APXS works best in the cold , we used to have to wait until late at night to start it . So the warmest part of our day is now about as cold as the coldest part of our day used to be . Poor Spirit . Hang in there , baby , summer 's coming . Just a few more months . . . . Of course , the colder temperatures , and reduced sun exposure , mean we have less energy to play with . So the RAT 's tail gets amputated - - what starts as a three - hour grind ( insert Gilligan 's Island reference here ) is cut to two and a half hours , then to two . Like any of the scientists , the RAT guys ' faces fall a little more each time they 're cut . I slide over to one of them , Phil Chu , and commiserate . " That 's the same thing that used to happen to us all the time on drive sols - - it starts out as a four - hour drive and you end up with fifteen minutes . " Phil laughs . " Ah , it 's not a problem , " he says . And he 's probably right , at that - - Ebenezer 's a soft rock ; even with only two hours to run , the RAT will take a good chunk out of it . I 'll never have kids , but I 'll make an indelible hole in a rock on Mars . Take that , posterity . " Let me tell you , this target sucks , " Chris exclaims . Truly , this target is in a very odd spot . The flight software will happily place the APXS and MB on it , but it generates errors when you try to place the RAT or MI . Which is supposed to be impossible - - if you can get there with one tool , you can get there with all of them . [ 1 ] Yet we 've found an exception to the rule . Still stranger , the software will happily place the MI all around the target ( which we did the other sol ) - - just not on the target itself . I 'd look into that if I had the time . Still , our explorations here continue to go well . The scientists have gained enough confidence in the instrument placements here that they 've cut down the MIs from 5 - stacks to 3 - stacks . That is , instead of taking a series of five images at each position , we 're taking just three . The more images you take , the more likely it is one will be in focus ; thus , shorter stacks indicate more confidence ( or less importance , or tighter downlink ) . We 've gone as high as eleven . Insert Spinal Tap joke here . There are limits to their confidence , though . Since the APXS doors recently didn 't open fully when we tried to open them on a rock target , they 've asked us to open the APXS on the CCT instead . The CCT , or Compositional Calibration Target , is a spot on the rover 's own body , just above the space the arm stows into . As its name implies , it 's used to help calibrate the MB and APXS - - we know what it 's made of , so taking readings of it helps us interpret readings of unknown stuff . And since it 's a hard and accessible surface , we can also open the APXS doors on it . But doing so requires a more - than - usual amount of clearance under the rover . The HAZCAMs can 't see that area , so Chris asks me to look back at imagery from previous sols to see if we have room . He tells me about some weird trick Frank uses for this , which basically amounts to an abuse of the IDD workspace display [ 2 ] , but it doesn 't seem to work for me and I quickly lose patience . Instead , I do what I usually do in this situation - - Posted by Amazingly , it worked . I don 't know if we 're better than I think we are or if we just dodged a bullet this time , but it worked . There 's no word yet on whether the MIs were in focus - - we 've just got the thumbnails , not the full images - - but there 's no IDD fault . Phew . So we worked around the terrain mesh problem yestersol , but the problem is still there . Indeed , if anything , we 've taken a step backward : Chris is going to have to redo his analysis of it , because his previous analysis was performed using a version of RSVP that incorrectly transformed site to rover coordinates [ 1 ] . So not only do we still have the problem , we know even less about it than we thought we did . I 've come in early to check on yestersol 's success and also to meet with a couple of reporters from Aviation Week . Aviation Week is going to run a story on MER , and they want to include a wealth of 3 - D images illustrating what we 've found and how we run the mission . In particular , they 're interested in RSVP . Frank 's the artist of the group , and as such he 's the best person for them to meet with . But he 's leaving on vacation and hasn 't packed yet , so he asks me to take care of them . They 're just going to need to understand what RSVP is , and what its capabilities are , he tells me . I can handle that . Only it turns out they 've already met with people and they know all that already . What they need is cool screen shots illustrating how we 've used RSVP , particularly in the second half of the mission . Preferably artsy stuff . I can 't handle that . Not that I don 't try . What we settle on , after half an hour of fumbling around , is taking a series of screen shots that communicate a sense of what they 're after , without actually being what they 're after . We email these to Frank , who will make versions of them that actually look cool . When he gets back from vacation . I just hope I haven 't wasted their time and put them off the whole idea . Sigh . Some days I feel useless . As they 're leaving , they catch sight of what Chris is working on . He 's looking up at the rover from in fPosted by I 'm the only rover driver who hasn 't worked on both rovers . Brian and Jeff did most of Spirit 's first drive before moving to Opportunity . Eric did the initial IDD checkout sequences , which Frank edited slightly , before moving to Opportunity ; and Eric came back for a sol or two . Chris has spent several sols on Opportunity , and John is racking up a few as well . Ashitey , too . Bob never worked on Opportunity as far as I can recall , but he 's off the project now . Which leaves me . But not for long : I have a shift scheduled on Opportunity tomorrow . Technically , I 'm a floater , which means in practice that I 'm working on both , but it counts . The only bad news is , I don 't know anything about what they 're up to or when they expect me to come in . So I go upstairs to the Opportunity room to find out . " When do you need me tomorrow ? " I ask Emily . " Tomorrow 's a restricted sol [ 1 ] , " she replies . " We don 't need a rover planner . " Well , that 's just ducky . I guess I won 't be working on Opportunity tomorrow , after all . And on the current schedule , I don 't get another chance at it for a while . And Opportunity has cool stuff going on right now , too , as Chris Salvo shows me . They found this weird mudlike stuff - - it looked like rock , but driving over it nearly destroyed much of it - - which they 're going to drive back to and examine in detail with the IDD . Nobody knows what this is . One thing is certain , though : I won 't be helping them find out . Ah , well , Spirit 's my first love , anyway . While I was away , they finished up at the previous location ( where the rover slipped almost double the predicted amount during my last drive - - turns out it 's a good thing I shortened it ) and then performed a short drive to a new rock called " Ebenezer . " The targets on Ebenezer are named for characters from " A Christmas Carol " - - TinyTim , Cratchit , Scrooge , Marley . We expect to stay at Ebenezer for a while . The scientists like this rock and our power situation is excellent , so we might stay here through solar conjunction [ 2 ] . In the meantime , we 'll be performing the uPosted by So I 'm RP - 1 , bright and shiny at 8 AM . And Art 's here , so it 's almost like the old days . " How ya doing , Art ? " I ask , and he groans , " So good . . . if it were any better , I don 't know if I 'd survive it . " So I 'm not the only non - morning person around here . " Are we still driving today ? " " Today we 're driving " - - he pauses dramatically - - " maybe one wheel rotation . Hey , don 't knock it - - they could take that away from us . " Since I 'm here at the right time , as opposed to the time the schedule said , I 'm actually present for the SOWG meeting . That 's been a long time - - so long , I have to ask Art if they 're still having them in the same location . They are , so I head upstairs for that . This SOWG is easy , since our sol is so easy . They 're finished RATting this spot right in front of us and want to RAT another spot near the right front wheel . So all we 're doing is turning 30 degrees clockwise and backing up 25cm . There 's a little concern that we 'll drive over the location we were just RATting before we have a chance to image it , but I model it in RSVP and demonstrate to their satisfaction that we won 't be coming anywhere near it . Of course , nothing is ever that easy , and today 's no exception . Since we 're on a steep slope , we expect to slip during the drive . The question is , how much ? Fortunately , I 'm getting better at delegating , so I just ask Rich Petras - - Mobility / IDD support thisol - - to figure it out for me . Between the turn and the drive , we expect to slip about 10cm downhill . RSVP shows that the RAT can still hit a target 10cm further upslope , meaning that the new RAT spot will be reachable even if we slip . I end up cutting the drive slightly , though , from 25cm to 20cm , just to split the difference . We 're holding a press conference today . On the agenda : what Opportunity 's been up to , why the scientists care about Spirit again , and news about Opportunity 's RAT . Art turns on the TV and starts flipping to the NASA channel , but gets stuck on the Olympics . I 'm busy polishing the drive , but the grunts of sympathetic pain behind me Posted by I 've been scheduled for the last few sols , but there 's been no rover motion . We 're taking advantage of our good power situation and our excellent location to take a bunch of images and charge the battery . So I keep coming in and being told , " Nothing interesting today ; you can go home . " And going home . I came in today mainly to drop off my copy of the Linux Journal that has Frank 's and my RSVP article in it . We 're duly congratulated . I 'm on as RP - 1 tomorrow , and I think we 'll actually be doing stuff . But it looks like tomorrow will be a simple sol . All we 're doing is a very short drive , not much more than a turn in place , and Ashitey already has a preliminary version ready . After I go over this with him , there 's not much more to do but go home . So I do that . Our issue of the Linux Journal . Not too surprisingly , we made the cover . I 'm RP - 1 again . I come in at 8 : 30 , expecting the SOWG meeting at 9 : 00 . But 9 : 00 rolls around , and no SOWG meeting . In fact , from listening to people talking , it sounds like they had it already . Turns out the schedule was erroneous . The schedule said the SOWG meeting would be at 9 : 00 , but in fact it was at 8 : 00 , and I 'm apparently the only one who read the schedule . Everyone else goes to the SOWG meeting every day , so they know when it 's happening , and don 't look at the schedule any more . So I missed it completely . A great way to start your day . Well , the other news is good . They got usable data from the APXS the other sol after all , Arthur tells me - - the doors were partly open , though they didn 't latch . We 're going to hold off on uplinking thisol 's sequences until we get confirmation that the doors closed , but we 're all pretty confident they will . Thisol we 're grinding this rock - - always a fun thing to do . And Ashitey 's my RP - 2 . Thisol goes a lot better than the last time he and I worked together ( two sols back ) , and I like to think it 's not only because I 'm the guy at the keyboard this time . ( It was true in first grade , and it 's true today : I need to learn to play better with others . ) The only blight on the day is that we have to cut the RAT grind . The day is constrained on one end by the fact that we can 't start IDD work until after noon ( it 's getting too cold on Mars as Gusev approaches winter ) and on the other end by a comm pass . In between , there 's just not enough time to do everything the scientists have asked for . We end up cutting some stuff out , and Ashitey and I find clever ways to squeeze down the timing of the other stuff , and in the end they have to cut only 30 minutes out of the grind . It 's still a shame , but since 30 minutes translates to only about half a millimeter of depth , the RAT guys don 't look all that upset . And as I 'm always saying , if science is happy , I 'm happy . And I 'm happy . [ Next post : sol 222 , August 17 . ] This is my first RP - 1 sol since I - don 't - know - when , and moreover I 'm doing it solo - - the scheduling snafu left us no RP - 2 , though Chris is here as a " floater . " I 'm so happy . It 's still shaping up to be a simple sol , a MB - to - APXS tool change . Since we 're in this weird out - of - phase part of the daily schedule , they haven 't even uplinked yesterday 's sequences yet , which means I have time to fix something if it 's wrong . But I check them out , and to my surprise I can 't find anything wrong with them . There 's stuff I 'd change in retrospect , but nothing really wrong . So I leave well enough alone . Anyway , I 've got thisol to worry about . It might be simple , but I don 't like to procrastinate , so I go ahead and whip out the sequence . Then we get the sol - 213 downlink . Just as no plan ever survives first contact with the enemy , so thisol 's plan will not survive first contact with the downlink . The joint angles from sol 213 were very close to the predicted values - - that is , the IDD went just about exactly where we asked it to go - - but the APXS contact switches report no contact and the APXS dust door reports that it 's still closed . Which is mildly bad . The APXS dust doors have to open in order for the scientists to get good data from the instrument . If they 're not open , we 'll have to redo this observation . We can 't redo it on this exact spot , since we 're going to RAT it on 214 - - unless we try to modify the sequence before uplinking it a few hours from now - - but that will be OK , since we 'll get effectively identical results by just APXSing other parts of the outcrop . We can do that without even driving . And anyway , the doors might be open even though the rover says they 're not - - on Opportunity , the switches are flaky , and maybe Spirit 's switches are starting to get flaky , too . If so , the APXS observation will be just fine ; we 'll know when we get the results back later tonight . So it 's not the end of the world . But it does leave us with a puzzle : why did the IDD stop moving ? Normally , the IDD will stop moving for one of three reasoPosted by This is new : Ashitey 's RP - 1 thisol . This is also new : there 's no RP - 1 scheduled for nextersol . But that 's a scheduling snafu , one I fix by volunteering to do it myself . ( Oh , twist my arm . ) I 'll need to be a little late , but Arthur says that won 't be a problem . " Tomorrow will just be a simple tool change , " he reassures me - - little realizing , I think , that he 's disappointing me instead . Hey , if I 'm going to be RP - 1 again for the first time in what seems like months , I want a damn challenge . But I 'll take what I can get . Thisol is the kind of complicated sol I 'm lusting for . We 're RATting a spot that we 'll then investigate with the MB . But there 's another issue : the sol - 212 MI images we took appear to be out of focus , so we want to redo them thisol . Now , stay with me . The lowest - - that is , closest - to - rock - - MI images appeared to be most nearly in focus . And Ashitey 's plan for thisol is to redo the stacks [ 1 ] using a technique that will start farther away from the rock . Which will make their focus worse , not better . Which is a complete waste of time , energy , and downlink data volume . I can 't seem to communicate this concept to Ashitey to save my life , so it goes up like that . [ 2 ] Oy . But Ashitey and I have worse problems . Thisol 's IDD work requires that we move the IDD away from its current position a few times . But because sol 213 's sequences haven 't executed yet , we don 't know exactly where the IDD contacted , so we have to pull some tricks to command the IDD back to its current position during thisol 's business . The IDD automatically remembers a single location , so the only way to do this is to use a special command that tells the IDD to put a different tool on the last saved location . And that command doesn 't seem to be working , at least not in the simulation . Neither Ashitey nor I can understand why not . It doesn 't make sense : we 're putting the IDD in the configuration it would have after the change - tool command would execute , then issuing the change - tool command , and the simulation says the command fails . We can 't Posted by But of course I didn 't go . Too much moving to do . " You should have gone , " says Chris . He 's nursing a hangover , and he 's not the only one . Sounds like it was a wild time . Well , having fun isn 't really my thing anyway . This is , of course , all related to the sad fact that the science teams are , for the most part , leaving us . At least they 're going out with a bang : Spirit 's findings at Gusev are the focus of a special issue of Science magazine , one of the two preeminent science magazines in the world . So that 's cool . JPL has access to Science online , so Art 's flipping through the images . One of the scientists asks what he 's doing , and Art says , " Reliving past glory . " Heck with that , I think ; we 've got plenty of future glory to achieve . Thisol 's little chunk of glory will be to finish up yestersol 's MB integration on the outcrop , then calibrate the MB and APXS before starting an APXS integration on the rock . It 's not terribly complicated , modulo some confusion about how many times we 're supposed to calibrate the APXS and whether we can calibrate the two instruments in parallel , and the day goes relatively smoothly . So smoothly , indeed , that I have some time to entertain a visitor brought in by Justin Wick , one of the SAP developers . The visitor 's name is Rupert Scammell ; he 's an Aussie who ported SAP to Irix - - he 's not a JPLer , so this was just for the fun of it , as far as I can tell - - and who is , obviously , a huge fan of the mission . Justin wants me to show Rupert RSVP , so I do , and I talk to him about being a rover driver , and he gives the impression of being suitably impressed . It 's a supremely geeky experience , of course , and at some point I start to feel self - conscious about this . Then I remember that if I weren 't a geek , I wouldn 't be here . And I shrug it off . It 's cool . The switchback drive worked - - we 've reached the outcrop , and the scientists are awfully excited about it . John and I get to be the first to IDD it . This still amazes me . This rock has been there , right in this spot , for four billion years , almost since Mars was born . We 're the first people ever to even see it , much less explore it . We 're starting out simply enough . Indeed , thisol is so simple that when I walk in , John tells me , " The sequence is done - - you can go home . " Of course , life on Mars is never quite that simple . Now that we 've made it up onto the outcrop , we 're oriented a little more toward the sun than we have been in recent sols , so we have a lot more energy to play with . So much energy , indeed , that the batteries will be fully charged and shunting - - " spilling over , " thus wasting energy , unless we find a way to use up more . So the science team asks if I can add in another stack of MI images near the existing stack , and I 'm only too happy to oblige . ( It 's always nice to have something moderately creative to do . ) The location they chose for the first MI stack is called " Cochiti , " an allusion to the Cochiti pueblo in New Mexico . I Google for a map of the area , find a nearby pueblo named " Jemez , " and name the second stack 's position that . I know it 's not official , but it 's damn cool to name things on another planet . The visiting scientists are leaving us . It 's their last weekend here , and some of the younger ones are throwing a wild party at their apartments to say goodbye . I 'm not planning to go , but then one of the scientists , Nicole Spanovich , asks me if I 'm going . " Nah , I 'm way too busy moving into my new house . " She looks almost hurt . " You should go , " she admonishes me . " Okay . " I 'm so easy . Courtesy NASA / JPL - Caltech . Persistence pays off . At last , we 're ready to start unlocking the secrets of this ancient stone . The news starts off good , at least . No errors on the drive , and we turned as expected for comm . But where the hell are we ? It looks like we have a little bit of outcrop under our wheels , and we 'll just need another drive to back up a little . But first we need to know where we are . What happens next is something we call " localization . " You look at pictures from the previous sol - - or earlier , if you have them - - and try to figure out where you are relative to that picture , by comparing it to the new picture . Generally , this is a game of hunting rocks , trying to find the same set of rocks in each image to use as landmarks . " Let 's see , if this guy here in this image is this guy over here in that image , then there would have to be a pointy rock over there . . . but there isn 't . . . so maybe that guy there is the same as that guy over there . . . . " It helps if you know roughly where you should be looking , which we do . This is laborious , but can be fun in its way . This time it 's not working out . There 's a clump of rocks right in front of us that should be obvious from the previous images , but hell if we can find them . We stare at the images for at least fifteen minutes , with plenty of false starts but no luck . More images come in , and one of the scientists takes a look at one and says , " You know , I don 't think we moved . " Ah - hah . The reason we weren 't able to localize the rover was that we were trying to find a solution near where we were supposed to end up . Instead we look at the area near where we started - - and sure enough , there 's the rock clump . We might have gained a whole meter . As more images and engineering data arrive , they dispel the mystery . Looks like the rover experienced about 66 % slip through the first part of the drive ( already more than we 'd planned ) , then the slope became so steep that it just couldn 't climb any further . The more it tried to climb , the more it slipped . In one case , visodom showed the rover experiencing 125 % slip - - the rover tried to step 60cm upslope , and ended up 15cm downslope . In the process Posted by Oh , damn it . I 'm there when the downlink starts , and one of the first things we see is an indication of another goal error . So at least the rover thinks we didn 't make it . Scott Doudrick is sitting to my right , monitoring the incoming data stream . " Bus voltage is 26 . 9 , " he says . " It didn 't go very far . " But then we get the rover 's reported coordinates , and they 're only about a meter away from the target . Maybe we 're not in such bad shape after all . The rover apparently entered a limit cycle , which means it was unable to find the goal and danced around it . Eventually , it was stopped by the time - of - day limit . What the hell happened ? The mid - drive and post - drive images clear up the matter . Just before it took the last step - - what should have been the final 2m of driving - - the rover was perfectly positioned , with the outcrop dead ahead . ( Well , dead behind - - we were driving backward . But right where it should have been , anyway ) The next image shows the rover two or three meters downslope of the target , with a lot of back - and - forth tracks visible in part of the image . It 's a bug . That final step of the drive told the rover to go to a Cartesian position 2m behind it , but the rover was unable to find that position because steep slopes confuse it . So it roverdanced , trying to find the right spot . This wouldn 't have taken it so far from the target by itself , but the rover kept slipping downhill as it went - - most of the resulting position error is from slip . ( Or at least this is my explanation . John has a different one . Pointing to a nearby copy of the _ Weekly World News _ that shows a family of Martian Eskimos , he deadpans , " I think the Eskimos did it . " ) In retrospect , we could have just told it to back up 2m , rather than the more complex command we used . But if the rover hadn 't started from the right spot , the more complex command might have worked better . It was a gamble , and we lost . So now we 're about 3m downslope of our target , and have to spend another sol climbing uphill . Which makes it twice as much of a shame that the Posted by At night , there 's a small red light in the sky . On that light lives four hundred pounds of thinking metal sent from Earth . I tell that metal what to do , and it does it .
|
Goals : I 've always been a determined personality . I focus on a goal and really push myself to achieving it with everything I have . It 's really benefited me so much in life . Yesterday , I interviewed for a job that I would really like to have , it pays good , it 's what I went to school for and it 's in my home town . I was 1 of 490 applicants , 1 of 75 interviewed ! I don 't think my interview went great , I could have done a lot better . But it is what it is . I prayed this opportunity as I walked on to the campus asking God for his guidance . I would really like to go back to work but I am also enjoying the time at home with my kids . I am really rethinking my fitness goals to . I shouldn 't really say re - thinking I guess I just need to re - focus . My next 5K is coming up in about 2 weeks . Mariyn is running the mile . I 'm not sure how much ( if any ) of my running has improved since my last . I 've been making poor eating choices that I can tell affect the way I feel and my weight . I want to stay competitive and focused . I 've decided that on Sat . May 1st , I am going to re - focus and just be done binging . I 've taken it easy at the gym this week . I went Tuesday not Weds . Today , I had a great workout though , Clare and I had a gym date , weights and running . She ended up having to leave about 10 minutes into our run , I started to tell myself that I was just going to quit and be done for the day . Somehow , I managed to stick it out and finish the 30 minutes . I was proud of myself because I really wanted to be lazy and the only reason I made it to the gym today was because I knew Clare was counting on me . I hadn 't been to Zumba in a while either . I really do enjoy it and I think I 've missed 3 weeks due to various reasons . Tonight I forced myself to go even though I did an hours worth of weights and 30 minutes of cardio earlier in the day . It was hard , especially at first . My body was tired but I remember why I go - I really do love Zumba . It 's a lot of fun . I missed it . We had Chinese food tonight . I was probably only a 4 but I was really craviPosted by Love you like a fat kid loves cake . I 've always smiled when I 've heard that lyric . Let me tell you , I 've been giving the cake a lot of love ! Friday was Amelia 's 3rd birthday , so of course , we had cake that night and Thursday I couldn 't resist a cookie monster cup cake I seen when I was placing my order , and Sunday we had a huge party with you guessed it more cake . Oh and what is my biggest guilty pleasure food - you 've guessed it - CAKE ! You can probably guess it , I went overboard and ate too much cake . It was so delicious though . I really need to get back on track , to be completely honest since the last weigh in for the competition my eating habits have gotten ugly . I want to stay motivated but am finding it difficult . I 'm feeling very burnt out with everything . Until today , I hadn 't been at the gym since Thursday . So I missed my regular Friday and Monday routines . Physically , I 'm not feeling as strong as I was . My wrist has been hurting for a bout a month now . Originally , I thought I just slept on it wrong but it hasn 't gone away . I keep pushing forward or attempting to . I 'm starting to think about taking some time off from weight training and just focusing on cardio . I 'm not sure if it will give my body some needed rest or if I will lose momentum and progress . Today , I did body pump and cycle . Man it was killer . I really had to push myself to go and even to get all the way through both classes . I had a really good conversation with Ticka . I learned that she used to be a therapist and now she is the group fitness coordinator . I wondered what prompted her decision to change careers . My future is something I am still trying to figure out - how can I help provide for my family and still have family time . Do I put my degrees to use ? Is counseling my calling ? What is God 's plan for me ? On the way home from the gym , I picked up the registration forms for my next 5K . Trying to make sure I stay motivated . Oh and I weighed in today . I gained 2 lbs . . . not beating myself up over it . Clare and I finally had a gym date today . It felt good to have someone to run with today . It 's been 2 weeks since our last gym date . I 've been pretty consistent at the gym despite not having a work out partner . We got in about an hour of weights and 30 minutes on the treadmill . I did the first 20 running but decided to do a walking incline for the last 10 . I was reading that you can actually burn more fat by doing walking , running intervals . I really want to try that but I also have to be prepared for my next race . It 's coming up soon - May 15th . Mariyn wants to run the 1 mile with me that day . I 've decided that I 'm going to let her . I told her she had to practice running . Let me tell you , that girl can run ! But she does get winded easily , so she needs to work on pacing . Tonight we ran around my normal park route . It 's a little over 1 mile , with a steep up hill at the end . This is the first time Mariyn ran this route and she did well but she got winded several times . I kept telling her to run slower like me but she wanted to beat me and so she wouldn 't . She ran completely out of energy going up the hill and just couldn 't keep up . If I wasn 't such a paranoid parent , I would have left her behind but being that it is dark and I am that paranoid parent . I stopped and walked with her a bit . I told her when you run , your supposed to run in medium pace , so you can last longer . Save your super fast pace for the very end . When she caught her breath , we ended up sprinting in and she did in fact beat me . I can 't say I 'm faster than her . . . She gets so excited running with me . I absolutely love it . I 've always thought that certain things are just for skinny people . Yoga for instance , seems like the type of exercise only long , limber , thin people should do . You know the ideal ballerina type . Anyone else would just stand out like a beached whale or sore thumb . Especially a short curvy person like myself . A few of the regulars at the gym have been doing yoga for a while . They have it twice a week on Tuesday and Thursday nights , right after Zumba . I 've kinda sized up the ladies that stick around a time or two . To my surprise they were not all ballerina 's . Not all their movements even seemed graceful . After seeing this , I decided that someday I would give Yoga a shot . Hey , why not , I 've embarrassed myself before and lived through humiliation . I 'm sure Yoga can 't be any worse . Plus , it 's at 6 : 30 a time that I sometimes go to the gym with Rich . I figured he can work out and sometimes , I could get my yoga on . This morning , I got up and put in my 2 hours at the gym body pump and cycle . I didn 't lift as heavy of weights as I normally do because I 'm not feeling 100 % after the accident . I feel ok , slightly weak and a little stiff / sore . I don 't want to stop going to the gym because I feel like exercise is helping work the stiffness out . Plus , I want to keep up on my routine , no excuses right ? Tonight I did it , I braved Yoga . It seemed to really help with the stiffness and pain I was feeling . My body feels so relaxed . But don 't let me fool you , some of those movements were hard ! Even the ones that looked fairly easy , caused strain . My body really needed a good stretch , so I figured tonight was as good as any . Rich worked out while I braved Yoga . It was amazing looking around thin women , big women , old and young all gracefully stretching . I was able to tell , who was probably a regular and even the big women could be as flexible as the thin women . . . . AMAZING I tell you . Let me tell you . . . Yoga is no joke ! I felt like I targeted some hard to tone muscles and strengthened my core . I thought I was just going in for a little rPosted by I 've been crazy busy lately . I 'm still keeping up with my routine , softball plus life . You know the warmer months seem to be busier . I 've gotten the opportunity to apply for two jobs recently . I 'm a little torn but I think it might be time to go back to work . I 'm still looking and wondering about my purpose . I feel very complete in life but I still feel like there is something I 'm missing . Purpose . I 'm not sure what my purpose is right now , besides being a mother and wife but I know it 's out there . I know God has a purpose for me . I was very quickly reminded of this on Friday . I was coming back into town Friday afternoon and was already running late . I had one of my friends pick up Mariyn from school . Amelia was with me . We were stopped at a signal light when a Semi rear ended me . I drive a small Acura . My car jolted forward and I heard a loud crashing noise . I got out of my car , afraid to look at the damage . I mean , I was rear ended by a semi . Amelia and I are fine . Amazingly , my car has only minor damage . I was a tad sore , stiff but I 'm feeling better every day . I know there must have been an Angel watching over us . Praise God ! I have purpose - my time is not up yet . We had a very active weekend . Saturday Mariyn had softball . We played two really good games . They don 't keep score but I 'd say we won . After the game , I came home with a splitting headache and took a nap . Saturday night , we went to a friends and unexpectedly stayed really late . Sunday , we went to Yosemite . It was amazing as always . In addition to the beautiful waterfalls and amazing granite rocks , we seen a ton of wild life , deer , coyote , squirrels and two ( possibly three ) bears . We did a lot of walking / hiking with the kids . I craved chocolate so bad . I ended up getting a few candy bars to share with the family . One was a huckleberry chocolate - SO good - a 10 ! YUM ! ! Today , I spent the day running errands getting estimates on my car . I made it back to the gym tonight for cardio kickboxing . I felt fine all day but cardio kickboxing was a little moPosted by God is so awesome . He created a perfect body for me curvy and beautiful . Then I took it and let it go . I 've ravished my perfect body . I 've been glutenous . I 've been lazy and not exercised . I 've used every excuse in the book : it 's too hard , I don 't feel like it , and ignored the problem . This perfect body helped me grow two beautiful and perfect children all while I continued to neglect and abuse it . I turned my beautiful perfect body into a mess . I ignored my body 's needs to the point where I thought it could never be the same or even remotely as healthy as it once was . Yet , God is so gracious . So forgiving . Even the most ravished bodies can be healed and re sculpted . It 's amazing that the human body has the ability to gain and lose weight like it does . I think it 's just another way God shows his forgiveness and his love for us . While I know my body won 't be the same , but really what Christian is the same after their trials and tribulations . I know that God gives me the strength to overcome my weight and to become stronger physically and in faith . I 've always been a really strong willed and dedicated person but being over weight has made me week . It was something that I struggled with . I don 't know how many times , I 've looked in the mirror and thought nothing 's changing . Is it really worth it ? With that said , I know these are my times of weakness . I am claiming these verses to help me along the way : ( Philippians 4 : 13 ) 13 I can do all things through Christ , who strengthens me . II Corinthians 12 : 9 - 10 ) 9 He has said to me , " " My grace is sufficient for you , for my power is made perfect in weakness . " " Most gladly therefore I will rather glory in my weaknesses , that the power of Christ may rest on me . 10 Therefore I take pleasure in weaknesses , in injuries , in necessities , in persecutions , in distresses , for Christ 's sake . For when I am weak , then am I strong . I got up and made it to cycling this morning . It 's my first time doing the Weds class and boy was it a challenge ! Also my eating is back on track today . No morPosted by I 've been eating really poorly . Last night , I even went to the grocery store to return a movie and I got a candy . . . ok , ok , well I got two . Yes I even ate one on the way home in the car . I know , old habits die hard ! I really wanted two though and I told myself I was getting back on the wagon today . I started the day off right , I made a beautiful tropical fruit salad for church this morning . It was FABULOUS ! Everyone loved it ! If I had a camera , I would have taken a picture . Then , lunch time came around and I ate out with Richard . I had a chicken pennini . It was good but it wasn 't a 10 , more like a 7 . It won 't be worth eating again , that 's for sure . We went to the gym this evening . Yes I said we , Rich went with me , he hasn 't been in about 3 weeks . I 'm glad he came . I did Zumba then about an hour or so of weights . Sure enough though , we leave the gym and Rich asks , " Can we have Cafe Bravo for dinner ? " Mariyn did the same thing . I gave in . Cafe Bravo is my favorite . We split a burrito too , so it wasn 't as damaging eating only half the meal ! I 'll get back on the eating healthy wagon , I swear . Lately , I feel as if I 'm at a crossroads . Something exciting is going to happen , I can feel it . I 'm not sure what it is but I feel like God has a plan for me I just don 't know what it is . I keep looking around waiting for it . Feeling excited not knowing what to do . The more I think about it , the more I feel it . We shall see ! Oh and I actually applied for 2 jobs today ! Huge for me . . . we will see if they pan out but there hasn 't been anything to apply for in months so just having something to apply for is exciting . LOL I decided to celebrate the completion of the contest . We had pizza for dinner tonight . A few weeks ago , the rest of the family had pizza . It smelled so good and I wanted some badly but I didn 't give in . Instead , I said after I 'm done with the contest I 'll have Pizza . Normally , I don 't even like pizza . Today Mariyn reminded me that it was time for Pizza tonight since I was done with my contest . I 'm not going to get in the habit of eating poorly since I 'm no longer competing but I don 't mind eating less strict every now and then . I think it will help keep me from feeling so much burn out . Tonight , I did cardio kickboxing . I really wanted to take the night off but I didn 't . I still have goals to obtain . I 'm staying focused . I was a little bit late today so I tried to sneak into the back . Tick called me out and said , come join me up front . HaHa . . . yeah I guess you can really tell I 'm a regular ! Tomorrow morning I have my monthly bible study . I 'm making a fruit salad to bring and share . I 'll be missing my morning body pump and spin class so I plan to be back at the gym tomorrow night . I won 't weigh in tomorrow since I weighed today at 202lbs . 3 lbs less than last week for a total loss of 56lbs ! I am actually 1 lbs less than my pre - Amelia pregnancy weight . Just about the same weight as I 've been for most of my 20 's . I 'm hoping the rest of the weight comes off just as quickly as this 56lbs has . 90 days ago , I started the Gold 's Gym know your own strength challenge . I almost backed out because you had to take a before and after photo in a two piece . My body hasn 't seen a two piece since 2002 , the summer before I had children and I can 't say that I really ever want to wear one again . In the last 90 days , I 've made numerous changes : eaten a lot healthier and I 've exercised hard . As you all know my goal is to lose 100lbs . I 'm about half way there . This contest has helped me stay focused when I didn 't want to continue . Let 's face it , I 'm competitive and I went into this contest to win . I want to have the biggest body transformation at my gym and I 've put in the work . I think I will be ok if someone else wins because I know I did my best BUT I want to win . Our local gym only had about 10 - 15 contestants . Most of them women and only 1 man that I know of . It really wasn 't organized that well and until yesterday I didn 't even know when my final weigh in was going to be . I only found out because I kept on hounding them . I 'm sure there will be contestants who slip through the cracks . I 'm glad I participated - my results are great BUT they are only part of my total body transformation that started in October and will continue long after this contest ends . I 've been feeling a bit of burn out lately and I 'm really glad I am done with the competition . As soon as I finished weighing in I went to Moss Rose Bakery and had the most delicious pastry to celebrate . Don 't worry , I will be back on the wagon again because I am totally motivated and am going to continue focusing more on my fitness goals . Here is a copy of my before and after measurements . Posted by I 've heard Jessica Simpson has a show called The Price of Beauty . I don 't have any type of broadcast television so I 've never really seen it . This blog ideas are my own but sort of pseudo inspired by a similar idea . The other day , I seen online that a women spends nearly 45 , 000 annually on hair extensions . Holy Cow ! That enough money to support some families of 4 . Just think of how much women spend on cosmetics , clothing and other beautification . Does it really give us a competitive edge to be more beautiful then the next woman ? What ever happened to beauty being only skin deep ? Let me be blunt . I 've been working out and dieting for just over 6 months . I 've seen great results . I realized tonight that in this time I 've only eaten fast food once . I stay pretty dedicated to both the gym and my diet . Most of the time I go to the gym 5 days a week , 2 hours a day . Lately , I 've been really feeling burnt out . Despite my progress , despite my results and desire to make changes . I 'm going to keep going though . . . I know it 's what is best . Every time I want to give up or think this isn 't worth it I think of this . What would I pay or do to be skinny to have my dream body back ? What exactly is the price of beauty . My dream body isn 't something that Hollywood says is beautiful , it isn 't something you would see in a centerfold of a magazine . My dream body is the best body that I can have , naturally . Ideally , it would look something like it did before I had children but my kids were worth the stretch marks and some figure changes . I can deal with that . Many of women , including my friends have resulted to cosmetic surgery . Enhancing certain parts of their body and paying thousands of dollars for a larger bust , tummy tucks , etc . At this point in my life , cosmetic surgery isn 't an option . But I do empathize with the feelings some of these people have . What I would give to have my body exactly the way I wanted it . When I think about it - - the answer is simple . Anything , ok well , almost anything . So easy cosmetic surgery seems to be , fPosted by Two things I want to talk about today : Men and Working out alone . Which should I start out with ? Hmmmm . . . MenI 've been with Richard so long that I have no idea what flirting , dating or any thing remotely sexual is really about other than with him . When I was younger , men used to hit on me all the time . Sometimes , women too . I think it had more to do with my large bust than really with me . I was always sort of awkwardly nieve about this type of stuff . You would have to be pretty blunt for me to get it . I 'm still that way to an extent . Except now , it 's not really appropriate for people to be that blunt because I 'm a very happily married woman . With that said , if someone of the opposite sex is friendly towards me , it 's still hard for me to tell if they are just friendly or something more . Most of the time , I think they are just friendly because I am friendly . I rarely feel like someone is flirting with me . I 'm pretty sure someone at the gym is flirting with me . He talks to me nearly every time he sees me , no matter how busy he is or how far away . There have been times when it was awkward for him to stop what he was doing to say hi , yet he still does . I 've told Rich about this just to keep the dialog open and him aware . Today , he talked to me for a long while - not a big deal . I 'm friendly and I talk a lot once you get me started . Our conversations started innocently about tanning . I 've wanted to tan for a while but the rooms haven 't been ready . He initiated the conversation and I asked about prices . There are two options $ 20 for 6 months or $ 50 a month no contractual limit . It being summer , and me having a pool I really only want 1 - 2 months of tanning to get a good base tan for summer . But $ 50 is really expensive for tanning so I said I would have to ask Rich . Then he responds " Does he really tell you no ? I wouldn 't tell you no " . Made me blush a little but it 's not really about Rich telling me yes or no , it 's about spending a large amount of money and talking to my husband . Then he asks , " How long have you been marriePosted by Half the size I used to be . . . that is the compliment I 've been hearing most lately . It 's not actually TRUE but people really seem to be noticing my weight loss . I have almost lost the same amount of weight as my 7 1 / 2 year old daughter . Crazy to think that I have now lost a 7 year old person . Yet at times , I don 't necessarily feel skinnier . I still battle many of the fat demons that I 've had for several years . I 'm getting better at it though . I am so close to my pre - pregnancy weight with Amelia . I actually feel more fit and smaller than I did then . One of my uncles came over for Easter . He asked if all I had was diet soda and of course , I responded yes . Sarcastically , he asked " How 's that working out for you ? " The comment made me feel belittled as if no matter what I do it 's still not good enough . Me being me , pipped up and said defensively , " 52lbs makes me think it 's working . " Saturday we took Richard 's friend and daughter to the airport . There were 6 of us packed into a truck . Normally , I would have probably stayed home but it was Rich 's first day off in months and I just didn 't want to spend the day away from him and he didn 't want to tell his friend no . The guys always talk about hunting , I swear it 's the same conversation every time we see each other post deer season . This year , opening day lands on my birthday and the same weekend I plan on doing the triathlon . In a man 's world this is a big conflict of interest . I 'm not sure how it 's going to play out but Rich will probably miss my triathlon . Then the topic changed from hunting to working out . It 's funny , I 've spent 5 days a week for the last 6 months training at the gym but of course , Rich 's friend tells me that it 's different from being able to do something in the gym ( cycling , running , etc ) to doing it outside and that outside is actually a lot harder . Just because I can do it in the gym , doesn 't mean I can do it outside . Which I know is partially true but really are you going to tell me that because I am in good shape at the gym , consistently building Posted by Cadbury Carmel Eggs , a major temptation for me . I have to say , I really love the regular Cadbury eggs as well . I can 't even tell you how many I ate this week . While purchasing the kids ' goodies , I spotted the 12 pack of mini cadbury eggs . Of course , I had to get both the caramel and traditional . My thought process at the time was one wouldn 't hurt and I could give Richard and the girls the rest . Well , sadly , I couldn 't just stop at one . I did share with Rich but the girls didn 't get ANY ! I probably ate at least a dozen of the mini 's . Then I just craved MORE ! I didn 't buy much candy for the girl 's baskets . They each got a chocolate bunny and a few peeps . I didn 't want to be too tempted by their goodies . Instead their baskets were filled with stuff to garden ( flowers , pots , seeds ) , swimsuit , and ear rings . I went to the store last night to return a movie and decided I was going to buy another Cadbury egg . I ended up being 4 : X They were only 25 cents each . I ate 2 on the way home - - back to my old hoarding habits - so Richard wouldn 't know . Then I shared one with him and ate the other . Yeah . . . bad I know . Every Easter we go to the park and BBQ with our extended families . Aunts , uncles and cousins come from all over . It 's sort of a family reunion and always nice to see everyone . Everyone brings delicious foods and we all share . This year , though , it was rainy and it changed our traditional plans . I had an impromptu gathering at my house - and the food came . Soda , Potato Chips , Pie . . . all very , very tempting . I made healthy dishes , salsa and broccoli salad . Rich wanted bean dip - so he went to the store for beans and sour cream and brought back a variety of chips . I probably had more than my fair share of bean dip and chips . To make matters worse , we have the left overs . I did send the pie home with my sister . Mariyn is on Spring Break , I want to be on Spring Break too from my diet and exercise routine . I won 't take the week off though . It 's the last week before my contest ends . I was determined to get back on track Posted by It 's Good Friday - also the official start of Spring break . I 've been busy with the girls , can 't really say for sure what has been keeping me so occupied but I 'm sure it 's a combination of the gym , softball , and spending time with them . Plus , the warmer weather keeps calling us outside . I had a good week at the gym but food temptations were tough . Mon - Cardio Kick BoxingTues - Body Pump + CycleWeds - Weights + Running Thurs - ZumbaFri - Cycle + a tad bit of weightsYesterday , I had lunch with Rich . I had a deli sandwich but as I was walking out I noticed these cute little two bite brownies . I really wanted one . After lunch I knew I was going to Mariyn 's school so I figured I could bring them there and not over indulge but still be able to eat some . Mariyn loved the surprise for her class . We had a lot of extras though and I ended up over indulging I ate at least 4 maybe as many as 6 . Then I looked at the calorie count - every 2 was 250 calories . They were so good , I couldn 't just stop eating them like I thought I would have been able too . I think I had so many that I elevated my blood sugar because I immediately fell asleep . Amelia and I slept for probably 3 hours , I awoke at 5 : 30 , when Zumba started ! I convinced myself that I need to go to Zumba because I ate those brownies - even though I was going to be late . Then , I had a salad for dinner , hoping not to do any more damage . With Easter and Spring break - food temptations are going to be high .
|
The Silver - Age Sage Archive # 264 [ 04 / 15 / 11 ] A Tribute to the ofThe Legion of Super - Heroes has been around for quite a while ( first drawn by my friend , Al Plastino ) and been through a lot of hands . I probably read my last issue as a younger man toward the end of ' 76 or so when Iron Mike Grell was still doing the artwork and Jim Shooter was writing . That was around the time I " outgrew " comic books . Luckily I got over that phase several years ago , but hanged if I don 't continue to gravitate toward my beloved Silver Age and select segments of the Bronze Age first and foremost to this day . I did decide , however , to see what the Legion was up to about a year after I walked away with issue # 240 from June of 1978 . Mike Grell is still on the cover , with Joe Rubinstein on inks , but the interior , at least on the backup story I 'm focusing on , namely " Dawnstar Rising , " is a completely different lineup . Paul Levitz is credited with the plot while Paul Kupperberg is our writer . Pencils are by James Sherman , with inking by Bob McLeod and coloring by the late Adrienne Roy . Our letterer is Shelly Leferman and editing by the great Al Milgrom . The tale opens with four super - powered youths taking on a large robot while another figure in shadow looks on . One by one we learn their identities , starting with Jed Aikane , described as having a condensed molecular structure that makes him extremely powerful . Next is Laurel Kent , a descendant of Superman , though she only has inherited his invulnerability and apparently has been in Vampirella 's closet as her outfit , or lack thereof , is nearly a ringer sans the collar . Shadow Lad , younger brother of Shadow Lass is in attendance and finally Dawnstar , the winged wonder who seems to be Native American , to use the politically correct term . The foursome fight the huge robot for all they 're worth , but can 't seem to make much progress until they finally manage to drop it to the floor with a scattershot effort . Just then the figure in shadow strides forward and tells them that they took about double the time they should have with their task . Wildfire is less than impressed with the members of the Legion Academy . He dismisses them save Dawnstar , who he tries to ask on sort of a date , but she quickly rebuffs him and flies to her quarters shared with Laurel Kent . Laurel asks why she gave Wildfire the cold shoulder and Dawnstar replies that her customs are different and she has trouble relating being from the planet Starhaven and all . Apparently Starhaven was colonized by Amerinds , or descendants of the American Indian and they are known for their skills in deep space navigation and piloting . Who needs a GPS with these folks around ? " I am the result of centuries of inbreeding … the ultimate navigator - with a natural propulsion system far greater than any starship 's - I am a mutant ! " We then learn that in addition to all that , she was a mercenary , selling her talents at the age of 13 and using the funds to help fortify her world against enemies . Then one day she met R . J . Brande , the money behind the Legion . He offered her a handsome income to join with them and under those conditions she did just that , but she is unimpressed with this organization and is strictly following her mercenary tendencies . Using the tried and true method of real teamwork , they manage to make short work of the threats and Dawnstar is suddenly in the throes of an epiphany : " By the gods ! I - I have been a fool ! " " I am guilty of vanity , Wildfire ! I had thought myself too good for the Legion Academy - too powerful to ever need help from anybody ! I was wrong ! " Bryan D . Stroud : I read your 3 - page " Origin " story that you sent and am wondering what to ask . ( Chuckle . ) I guess I 'll start with the obvious : How did you end up at Continuity after your rather scary introduction to New York City ? Bob McLeod : It 's amazing how scared I was coming up from Florida . I bumped into Pat Broderick at the New York Comic Con . We were both in the same high school art class , but had never met each other . I just recognized his face . We became roommates to share expenses and he insisted that I should meet Neal Adams . He 'd met Neal and was really impressed by him . I thought at the time I needed to go get into Marvel . To me , Neal was just another freelance artist . I didn 't see the point in meeting Neal . I knew nothing about networking or all the other reasons you 'd want to mix with other artists . I was so intent on just learning my craft at that time . But he finally convinced me to go up and show Neal my stuff , so that 's what I did . At the time anybody could just walk in . You didn 't need to even make an appointment . I just went up with Pat when he was going up there one day and he introduced me to Neal . BM : You know , I was too stupid to even appreciate that much just what Neal 's position in the business was at the time . I knew he was a top artist . Obviously I really respected his work , but I just didn 't know who I was meeting and the importance of that meeting . So I wasn 't that intimidated or anything , I was just like , " Okay , here I am . What have you got ? " ( Mutual laughter . ) BM : Oh , no . Neal didn 't offer me anything . I was just about to leave town . I had sold my car to get the money to finance my trip and I was down to my last 10 bucks or so and just as a last ditch effort thought I would see Neal . I didn 't really expect anything to come out of it . He asked me what I wanted and I said , " Anything that pays . A job . " So he just picked up the phone and got me a job in the production dept . at Marvel just on his say so because he was friends with John Verpoorten , the production manager . So that was pretty much that and I said , " Thank you very much , " and I left . I think I only showed him one or maybe two samples of my stuff and he wasn 't that impressed . He didn 't offer to have me work with him or anything , but I just went off on my way to Marvel . I don 't remember when I decided to rent space at Continuity , but it wasn 't too long after that . It might have been right away or I might have waited a few months . I just can 't recall off the bat . Probably it was very soon after that . I just asked him if I could rent one of the desks in his studio and work there and get out of my apartment so I could be around the other artists and see what everybody else was doing . Even then I was just renting studio space from Neal . I wasn 't working with Neal . I had my own stuff I was trying to do . I might have even waited until I had my own freelance work , like six months later maybe before I got the studio space . So I was working on my jobs and Neal would just come by and take a peek and just shake his head or something and he really didn 't have much to say about it . I was always waiting for him to make some comment . The only thing he really said was , " Slow down . " " Take a little more care . " I took note of that and tried to do that and then a Crusty Bunker job came along and everybody was chipping in on that and I said , " Well , can I do some of that ? " Everybody said , " Yeah , anybody can do it . Jump in there . " I didn 't actually ask Neal , I just started inking . That 's how it all started . BM : That might have been over Bob Brown , probably . Son of Satan or that female Satana ? It might have been a black and white magazine rather than a color comic . It 's hard to remember . BM : The whole crew . I got there before Carl Potts . I started in ' 74 and Russ Heath was there and Jack Abel . Larry Hama , Ralph Reese , Joe Rubinstein , who was kind of the studio gopher . He was just a young kid of 16 or so . Joe Brozowski was up there , too . BDS : As Greg Theakston described them , all the young bucks . BM : I only saw Greg Theakston up there a couple of times . He would bring in an oil painting to show everybody . Mike Hinge was working in the back at some point . He was kind of an odd guy who pretty much kept to himself . BM : I was very surprised to see him doing art for some kind of game or toy . I think it was a toy . He was designing the box that the toy would be sold in . It had never occurred to me that someone had to do that . BDS : Yeah , isn 't that something ? I know that when I interviewed Don Perlin he said he 'd done a lot of advertising type illustration and it struck me at the time , " Oh , yeah . Somebody has to draw that stuff . " And I shouldn 't forget Murphy Anderson 's work on the old Captain Action toy boxes in the 60 's . BM : Well , I started in ' 74 and I was there two years and the comic book I was working on , " The Black Panther " for Marvel got canceled and I couldn 't find enough steady work . Even being at Continuity there just wasn 't enough work at that time to support me . I couldn 't find another book and I 'm sure if I had just stuck around something would have come up , but I was out of money . I just couldn 't pay the rent and I didn 't know what to do . So I just ended up leaving . I went home to Florida and worked in advertising for a year . I just got bored out of my mind doing that . I just could not imagine doing that year after year , so I decided I had to make another attempt at comics . That was in ' 76 , so in ' 77 I went back to New York and started over doing backgrounds for Bob Layton and Al Milgrom and whoever I chanced upon and my career took off again from there . I quickly got all the work I could handle . I don 't think I went back to Continuity , though . I think I was just working at home in my apartment at that point . I was probably only at Continuity from ' 74 to ' 76 . BM : You just had to walk in the door when the job was being done . ( Chuckle . ) You didn 't even have to be an inker really . BDS : That was the funny thing . I 'd asked Bernie Wrightson in passing , " You were considered a Crusty Bunker , weren 't you ? " " Oh , I don 't think so . Anybody that happened to be around could pitch in on a job , but I don 't think I was truly one of the Crusty Bunkers . " BM : We didn 't really consider Bernie one of the Crusty Bunkers . He was above that . He was a star already by then . He might have done a tiny bit here or there , and I suppose officially anyone that worked on a Crusty Bunker job was a Crusty Bunker , but he really didn 't get involved in it all that much . BDS : He just deflected the idea . For the gifts the man has , he 's so remarkably humble about it . I only wish he had a more regular gig so I could enjoy those gifts . Any particularly fond memories from your time at the studio ? BM : Jack Abel was a wonderful person . I guess not everyone would say that because he could be kind of a sourpuss , but he was just such an interesting guy and a nice guy . He was a pleasure to be around . Joe Rubinstein and I used to hang out around Jack Abel 's desk a lot and talk to him . BDS : It must have been a great place to learn the chops . Particularly with people like Jack Abel and Dick Giordano around , although I don 't know . People have spoken of Dick with the greatest fondness , but not mentioned a lot about his contributions there . Maybe he was more involved with the business side of things than artistically . BM : Dick was the one with the head for business more than Neal , I think . Neal was the artist and Dick was the businessman , is how I thought of them . Honestly , I hardly ever saw Dick . I don 't think he worked in the studio that much . Certainly not in the couple of years that I was there . I rarely saw him and had almost nothing to do with him . He inked one page that I penciled for a satire magazine . I never did backgrounds for him , so I studied his work a little bit , but I was much more into Tom Palmer and Neal . BDS : Magical pairings with both those talents . BM : Tom Palmer had a quality to his line and we could just not figure out how he got such a brush type line , knowing he was a pen inker . Rubinstein and I would ask him what pen point he was using and he wouldn 't tell us . ( Chuckle . ) He said it was a trade secret and it was a point he 'd bought a bunch of years ago and that it may not even be made any more and all this . We tried every pen tip being produced and were trying our best to get the same kind of line Tom Palmer got . BDS : ( Laughter . ) I 'm reminded of the legends I heard about " The Gaspar Stone , " and I finally couldn 't stand it any more and I called Gaspar up one day and asked , " Gaspar is it true that you had this special stone you used to hone down your nibs for your lettering work ? " He laughed and laughed and said , " No , no , no . I used a little sandpaper sometimes , but that was it . " I 'm sure the equipment is very important , but maybe it 's more the user . BDS : I recall someone telling me about picking up one of Russ Heath 's brushes and saying , " This is it ! The source ! " ( Mutual laughter . ) BM : Russ would use old brushes . A gigantic # 4 Windsor - Newton brush . He and Neal would both ink with that one . Most people would ink with a 2 or a 3 . You can get a tiny little line with a 4 , but you have to be really careful not to press down hard . I watched him ink a tank , a Sherman or whatever for some Sgt . Rock job with a # 4 brush . You 'd think he 'd use a pen for mechanical parts , but he 'd just slap it out with a brush . BM : He wasn 't even talking about slowing down overall . He was talking about each stroke . I was just whipping stuff out and he wanted me to lay down each stroke of the brush or pen with more care and deliberation . It was great advice . It 's so interesting that he came up with just that one comment that really affected my inking and made me a better inker . Because he didn 't give lessons . He wasn 't a teacher . He was handy with the criticisms , but not much good with the advice , generally . BM : Well , just being there and seeing Neal 's original art was amazing . Being in production at Marvel and just seeing all the art come through there was a fantastic education and really taught me a lot just seeing what everyone was doing and how they were doing it . I could puzzle out how they were doing it by seeing the original art . BM : I was in there . That was Neal 's baby and a lot of bigger name artists like John Buscema didn 't want to get involved because they were already making a lot of money and they didn 't want to rock the boat . There had been plenty of instances in the past where artists were just hung out to dry and couldn 't get any work if they weren 't careful . So everybody was very cautious , but me being so young and naïve , I didn 't realize I had anything to lose , so I said , " Sure , sign me up . " I was all for it . BM : Unfortunately it didn 't go forth . It was just Neal mostly and other people at Continuity trying to talk people into joining . Like any union organizer trying to explain the benefits to them and why they should do it and why they were crazy not to do it . I didn 't take any active role in that . I just joined and told people I had joined and if it came up I would try to explain what I knew about it . It really just kind of didn 't go anywhere because they couldn 't get the big guns to join . BM : Well , just any number of creators . There was any number of artists at DC and Marvel that just wouldn 't join , and it couldn 't work if only young nobodies were members . They had to get the Joe Kubert 's and the John Buscema 's and the Murphy Anderson 's . Whoever was big at that time . They needed all those people and they couldn 't get them . BM : Well , you know , when I got into the business in ' 74 , everyone was seriously saying comics weren 't going to be around in another five years . They were just going out of business because there wasn 't any money . There were just all kinds of problems and they were seriously predicting the demise of the industry and so again , that 's why we couldn 't get the guild off the ground , because everybody was just glad they were getting work and were scared that they 'd all of a sudden not be getting any work . BM : Yeah . All that . It was just to be treated with respect and get a decent wage and get some kind of medical benefits and retirement . Everything every union wants for their workers . BM : Exactly . Nothing has changed at all . In fact , for this job I 'm working on right now they 're paying me the same page rate they paid me about 10 years ago , so with inflation they 're paying me much less than I earned 10 years ago . BM : Well , you know when they installed that royalty system they said only comic books that sold over 100 , 000 copies will earn royalties . At the time that they did that ( chuckle ) almost no comics were selling that many copies , so they figured , " We 'll appease them by telling them we 'll give them royalties , but we won 't actually have to pay any royalties . " But then they started doing fancy cover things and triple versions of the same comic and all those marketing things that came along and comic sales went through the roof , suddenly almost every mainstream comic that Marvel was publishing was selling over 100 , 000 copies . At least for a while . But now , it 's back down to where even the X - Men are only selling 15 , 000 copies or whatever . Maybe 40 , 000 , but there 's almost nothing still that 's selling 100 , 000 copies and as far as I know it 's still 100 , 000 copies as the benchmark . BDS : Probably . I know Len Wein remarked that when he was doing fanzines he sold more than current comic sales volumes . Do you think there 's any credibility to the notion that the lack of ownership of a character is a contributing factor ? BM : I don 't think that 's the case because 30 or 40 years ago comic artists were such that nobody was a businessman and nobody knew anything about what their art was worth or whatever . Like Jack Kirby got royally screwed and since Neal Adams came along and started demanding that we get our original art back and started getting money for Siegel and Shuster and all that stuff , artists know better now . You can negotiate a contract now with a character and Marvel is very willing to negotiate with you if they want that character or whatever . So you can get a more advantageous contract if you 've got something that they think might be big . I think the main reason that comics are in the state that they 're in is because we used to have Marvel comics and DC comics and Archie comics and Charlton and you have to think about who was after that . There were just a handful of publishers . If you go to a comic shop now you see there are hundreds of publishers and yet we 've still got the same small percentage of the population interested in buying comics . So where they used to have only a few comics to spend their money on , now they 've got dozens and hundreds of choices and they 've just watered down the profits for individual publishers . Along with DC and Marvel , there are just too many other comics , and often good comics , that the fans have an option of buying rather than X - Men . BDS : It just seems like there haven 't been much in the way of exciting new characters in quite awhile , though I am a bit out of touch with the newer stuff . It may be my stage in life , too . I 'm not exactly the demographic they 're shooting for . BM : That 's probably got something to do with it . The new characters that have been introduced for the last 10 years are so are pretty lame , but they are being created . There might be 50 new X - Men alone . ( Chuckle . ) BM : Just in summary , the Crusty Bunkers were a really great thing . They helped a lot of us young guys get experience and get a decent page rate and screw up and have Neal fix us . It was just an amazing experience . BDS : It makes me think of when Al Plastino shared with me about being in a studio with Jack Sparling . He said it wasn 't really a competition , but Jack could apparently crank things out so fast that Al would pick up his own pace and tried to do at least as well . Your experiences sound similar and as memorable . Thanks once again for spending part of your day here at the Silver Lantern , best source on the World Wide Web for information and first hand accounts of DC 's Silver Age . Drop a line any time and I 'll be sure to respond in kind . Ideas , questions and comments are always welcome at : professor _ the @ hotmail . com . by DC Comics . No infringement upon those rights is intended or should be inferred . Cover , interior and other artwork scans and vid - caps are used for identification purposes only . The mission of this non - profit site is to entertain and inform . It is in no way authorized or endorsed by DC Comics and / or its parent company . The Webmaster assumes no responsibility for the content or maintenance of external links .
|
For the viewer , at home … It felt terrifying , and exciting , and wonderful all at once . I sat using my iPhone app , constantly hitting refresh . I watched where she was on the map TRYING to not feel guilty about being in Virginia while she was in NYC for me . It 's like , in some ways , we are connected . I watched how fast she ran , when she passed certain landmarks and I cheered , crying a lot , as she crossed the finish line . My best friend had done it . She has run one of the most prestigious marathons in the world , and she did it without accident or injury . She is an amazing woman . After the marathon , Caroline and her boyfriend Adam , came to my town to visit and see what there is to be seen . My car , for the first time in over 6 months , got some exercise . After a couple of days in my town , mostly eating with very little site seeing , we went to DC to see the big city . Anyone who knows me , and has gone site seeing with me in one of the " big cities " that I 've lived in , or spent time in , knows that I can show you a city in less than 2 days , if necessary . DC was no exception . We didn 't hit any museums as to be honest that would have been impossible , but we did hit the monuments and I did give a brief history lesson ( as best I could ) at each of them . I was a walking encyclopedia and I was loving it . After wandering up and down the Mall , we went to the National Air & Space Museum to catch a quick bite at the McDonalds and so they could wander around some more . At this point I was not feeling myself . My thoughts kept fluttering around to other places , and honestly I felt like I was in another world myself . As we wandered , I felt worse and worse . It got to the point I finally told Caroline to go find Adam and I 'd wander the gift shop . I neither wanted to cause alarm , nor ruin their experience . Caroline , after what felt like days , came back with Adam and mentioned something and I know I said I needed to go back to the hotel . They were ready to walk , and I said I 'd take a cab . At this point , I had lost everything . I was no longer able to keep my brain together . To be perfectly honest , I don 't know how it all worked out . I don 't know if I TOLD Adam and Caroline to walk and enjoy themselves , or if they sent me on my way . I don 't even remember getting in the cab & giving directions . I don 't remember paying for the cab , I don 't remember getting to the hotel room . I remember nothing until an hour or so later when Caroline came back in . I was sound asleep , face down on the bed and I heard movement in the room . I felt like the life had been sucked out of me and there was nothing left but to sleep what was left of my life in that bed . A short time later I said to Caroline that I couldn 't move my legs . I 've had this happen before , lovely atonic seizures in my legs . I 've fallen down stairs , fallen out of bed , fallen goodness knows where else , but in my adult life it has never actually happened with someone else right there . Caroline comes over and starts prodding at them , picking them up and dropping them . I think she felt to some degree I was joking around after all of the walking we had done . At this point I had started crying . This seizure is the scariest of my seizures anymore . It 's like being a paraplegic but knowing that 's all wrong . That your legs are there and you SHOULD be able to move . Knowing what should happen , and yet having the opposite happen is a terrible thing . I have trouble connecting the dots for that evening . My memory is sketchy at best . A bit like going out on a bender and things being remembered only AFTER someone tells you about it . If only I really did have a bender , at least I 'd be able to explain it easily . Remember the excitement of getting your learners permit ? Remember the thrill of getting behind the wheel for the very first time ? The freedom , the amazing feeling of just being able to get away whenever you wanted ? Now imagine that being torn out of your hands because of something you can 't control . I live in a small city , with " decent " public transportation . It doesn 't run on Sundays and it only hits a stop once an hour . To get to another line you have to go downtown or learn the ins and outs of the system . It is not easy . When it first clicked with me that I could no longer drive - when I stopped having simple partials before my complex partials - I cried . Everything I 'd worked so hard to get was now gone . I had lost the excitement , I had lost the thrill . I had lost my freedom . That 's not to say I can 't get around . I 've learned the bus system - ish … I 've gotten a bike . I barter with my neighbors for rides when I need to do major grocery shopping . I get around . I just can 't do it when I want . My life now revolves around other people and the schedule they desire . I am dependent . I think that 's one of the hardest parts of this thing … This disorder , disease , malfunction takes away my freedom . It takes away what I dreamed of having as a child . My car still sits in front of my house , parked on the street waiting for its driver to come back to it . Waiting to be driven down country lanes and feel the rush of life passing it by ( well , it would if it really have feelings ) . I refuse to sell it as I hope and pray that one day I 'll be able to use it again . I 'm unwilling to give it up . It is my last bastion of independence , the last string I 'm able to cut . I 'm so excited . My best friend is going to be here shortly . I have prepared lasagna for dinner ( which will be a late dinner , definitely ) , I have cleaned … ish … my house . I even managed to get my car inspected so Caroline and Adam will be able to go where they please , when they please ( the tags expired in August . Whoops ) . I have made plans . The thing is , no matter how many plans you make , how excited you get as someone with epilepsy your life is completely unpredictable . As of this second I 'm fine . In 20 minutes my life could flip upside - down and my excitement may turn to fear that I 've ruined my best friend 's holiday as I 'll be too tired to move . I don 't think its fair that this is how I have to think . I don 't think its fair that I have to depend on others to get the basics in my life accomplished . It isn 't . I try to stay positive , I try to not worry about the simple things . My best friend will be my best friend regardless of how our time together goes . She 'll understand , she always has , not just about my seizures , but about me as a friend . I 'm not going to lie … I cried a lot yesterday . As I stalked my best friend on my iPhone as she ran the race , watching her every meeting point , I cried . I jumped up and cheered as she crossed the finish line . I wish I was more stable . I wish I could be there for her . I wish , I wish , I wish . But as that old saying goes " wish in one hand , shit in the other , see which gets filled first " , wishing doesn 't change much . Caroline understands , and she 's always been supportive . I just feel like an awful friend , not being there screaming at her & for her . Maybe next time I 'll bring a vuvuzela and tick off everyone . So , the reality is , how many of you have friends that will run ( literally ) one mile for you ? I 've got a best friend that will fly across oceans and run 26 miles for me . Pretty much , I 've got the best - est best friend ever . Today is a good day . It 's the day that Caroline runs the New York Marathon . It 's the day that she 's been working for since January . It 's a day we thought was so far away when it was initially booked . Yet here we are , waiting for the race to officially start . Today is a combination of happy and sad for me . I 'm so happy that Caroline is in the US , running a marathon , doing what she does best , supporting her friends and running . Yet I 'm sad because I can 't be there cheering her on . I suppose this is how she feels with me , I suppose this is why she 's running the marathon . She can 't be here to support me when I need it , so she 's supporting my organization . I only wish she had an organization that I could support like she is . Still , I 'm happy . I see Caroline on Tuesday , and we 'll get to do some touristy things in Roanoke ( are there touristy things in Roanoke ? ? ) . We 'll get to chat and be close . It 'll be like our friendship is supposed to be . The auction has sold , we raised $ 172 for the Epilepsy Foundation , and our cause specifically . As soon as it actually posts it should bring us up quite a bit . The person who bought it is a coworker of mine , and despite our constant bickering , he 's a pretty decent guy . So all in all , I 'm a happy girl . Who can complain about having friends and family who are willing to go to the ends of the Earth for me . Seriously , My life … not so bad after all . The first Monday of every month , I go to a support group . This support group has only happened twice , but last night we had two speakers , one was the sales person / nurse for the VNS manufacturer , and the other was a local epileptologist . I had NO idea we had one in the area , last I looked there weren 't any . We talked a bit about what was going on in our lives , and then the VNS speaker stood before us and presented . She handed us VNS implants to hold , to look at . I , personally , am unlikely to get one of these devices . I 'm a bit of a VNS - a - phobe if there is such a thing . But to hold a device that could change someone 's life in your hands ? It 's a bit like holding the red button to start a nuclear war . This little device is a little over the size of a quarter with one big wire coming out of it . As I rolled it around in my hands and looked at the electrodes that wrap around the Vagus nerve , I thought to myself If I knew this could change everything tomorrow , I 'd be in the operating room now . The problem is , I 've heard some horror stories about the VNS , and even after hearing the success stories it 's hard to get those tear jerking memories out of my head . I guess my point is , treatment is evolving , changing . I want to be someone who helps people get better . I want to be someone who changes at least one person 's world . Please remember to donate . The race is on Sunday and we need to get closer to our goal ! Even if it 's $ 1 , please donate ! Life lately has been busy . I 've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get the auction up and running ( it 's up now , btw ) . Between that , and work extra curricular activities I 've become a busy little girl . I 'm always tired , like a walking zombie more than a human being . We 've talked about raising my meds this weekend , but I don 't know if I 'll manage to do it . I don 't know if I can handle more benzos in my system . I already drool on my pillow every night , and I generally start the pass out process around 6pm . I try . . not to be such a stick in the mud , but there 's not much I can do for it . I 've apparently had seizures that I didn 't know I was having . Yesterday , a co - worker apparently came over and poked me in the back while I was working . She wanted my attention for something . I didn 't react , didn 't move . She hung around and said my name a few times until I was back to the real world . I don 't remember any of it . I have no recall of being " out of it " so who knows how many seizures I 've had that I * don 't * know about . Makes me wonder if my seizure diary is really worth it . Caroline 's getting ready for her flight over . The race is really soon . She 's started a new job , and I know she 's stressed . I wish I could be there for her . I 'm excited to see my best friend in just a few days really . I wish NYC was really an option , but between money , meds , and medical histories it 's probably best to stay within range of my doctors here , or Johns Hopkins itself . Anyway , this is more of a diary entry than a real " blog " . I really should work on more things to say . So , I used to like to date . I used to go on a lot of bad dates to give my friends something to smile about , laugh about , and sometimes I met some nice guys . Dating was like a hobby of mine . Don 't get me wrong I always offered to pay my share , was nearly always refused . I never took advantage of the guy in terms of where we stood . I dated because I wanted to meet Mr Right . Well now , since " the Epilepsy " came back , it 's a bit different . I can 't drive so getting to the dates is a bit difficult ( although I must admit , public transport / bikes = hot in my nice date outfits ) . Giving a stranger my address = bad mojo , so what to do , what to do ? Bottom line , I haven 't dated . I 'm becoming a bit of a recluse and my dog is my only full time company . There are so many issues and hardships when it comes to dating when you have a life long disability . When to tell them , how to tell them , and how do you explain it to them ? How do you throw on someone you like that " oh by the way , I have a disability that makes it so I 'm dependent upon others , and one day I may be without a part of my brain . When do you spring that on them ? The first date ? Oh , by the way … I have seizures . When you find out you really like them , and you want it to continue ? Which at that point your heart is invested and it could be harder on you ? The other thing that frightens me about the whole thing … I may never get to have children . I 've gone back and forth about whether or not I want to be a mother and I 've come to the conclusion that I do . So then what ? Pregnancy and the hormones can increase the risk of seizures , which means I could kill my unborn baby just by being me . I feel like I 'm disappointing my family ( I know I 'm not , but sometimes it feels that way ) by even thinking that way . So what to do ? I 'm not saying I 'll never find Mr . Right . I 'm just saying the minefield in front of me is a scary one . It 's one that a lot of epileptics have to walk through . There 's no right or wrong answer ( at least in my opinion ) . Some days are good , some days are bad . The good days are wonderful . You get to enjoy time with your friends , smile , laugh and know that it 'll be OK . The bad days you really feel the urge to just sleep the world away , and you pray that maybe tomorrow will be a good day . Yesterday , well yesterday was a bad day . I had gotten home , and then … Well I don 't remember a lot of the evening . I ate , and then the seizures started rolling in . I said something on Twitter about it . My mom says she called . I slept . I slept a lot . 11pm rolls around and I decide to make my way up to bed . My legs were wobbly , I was wandering around like a staggering drunk . To be honest , at some point I should have gone to the ER . I should have let them look at me . Make sure I wasn 't going brain dead or something stupid . Only problem with that is , they don 't know what to do with me . I can 't take Ativan anymore , their weapon of choice … So what ? They stare at me while I feel miserable , and I feel even more miserable because I 'm in an ER with blood taken and needles everywhere . Knowing there 's nothing that they can do . Knowing that the best they can offer is next to nothing . That 's a kind of nightmare no one deserves . I mean , most people when they get sick they can go to a doctor , be given a pill and go home . They may not feel better immediately , but a few days they could . Even cancer patients have treatments . But there 's not much they can do with me . Not much other than use me as a pin cushion . Today , I should stay in bed . I should watch some Netflix & sleep . But I refuse to give up my day because yesterday was a bad day . I refuse to let that happen . Today could be a good day , if I give it a chance . I 'm not going to say how long this went back and forth . To be honest , it doesn 't make me look like that good of a person , and it 's all a bit ridiculous . However , it does bring up the question , are you an epileptic , or a person with epilepsy ? If I 'm honest , I think a " person with epilepsy " sounds like someone that has leprosy . Someone who is miserable and isolated . Someone who should be put a part from a normal person . An epileptic is just another adjective . It 's just one more thing that makes me a whole . Like if I had diabetes , I 'd be called a diabetic . These are all in the same realm . I wish I didn 't have epilepsy , but I 'm proud to be an Epileptic . Being an Epileptic means I 'm an advocate , I 'm a supporter , I 'm strong , I 'm educated ( because lord knows it takes a lot to know even the slightest bit about epilepsy ) , I 'm supported by those like me , and undersupported by those researching . Being an epileptic says so much more than being a person with epilepsy . I am proud to be an epileptic . I 'm an epileptic , a traveler , a volunteer , a student , a friend , a relative , lover , a fighter , a reader , a writer , a knitter , a biker . I am so many things . To call myself a person with epilepsy seems to make it so much more . It 's like the handbag I 'm always carrying around . It 's my luggage . I 'd rather lose my luggage at the airport and go to the beach . As always , please donate to our cause . My best friend is running a marathon to make arguments about these sorts of things null & void . To properly treat Epilepsy would be a dream come true for me and many others . Help make that dream come true and skip your latte . Give to our fund .
|
For the viewer , at home … It felt terrifying , and exciting , and wonderful all at once . I sat using my iPhone app , constantly hitting refresh . I watched where she was on the map TRYING to not feel guilty about being in Virginia while she was in NYC for me . It 's like , in some ways , we are connected . I watched how fast she ran , when she passed certain landmarks and I cheered , crying a lot , as she crossed the finish line . My best friend had done it . She has run one of the most prestigious marathons in the world , and she did it without accident or injury . She is an amazing woman . After the marathon , Caroline and her boyfriend Adam , came to my town to visit and see what there is to be seen . My car , for the first time in over 6 months , got some exercise . After a couple of days in my town , mostly eating with very little site seeing , we went to DC to see the big city . Anyone who knows me , and has gone site seeing with me in one of the " big cities " that I 've lived in , or spent time in , knows that I can show you a city in less than 2 days , if necessary . DC was no exception . We didn 't hit any museums as to be honest that would have been impossible , but we did hit the monuments and I did give a brief history lesson ( as best I could ) at each of them . I was a walking encyclopedia and I was loving it . After wandering up and down the Mall , we went to the National Air & Space Museum to catch a quick bite at the McDonalds and so they could wander around some more . At this point I was not feeling myself . My thoughts kept fluttering around to other places , and honestly I felt like I was in another world myself . As we wandered , I felt worse and worse . It got to the point I finally told Caroline to go find Adam and I 'd wander the gift shop . I neither wanted to cause alarm , nor ruin their experience . Caroline , after what felt like days , came back with Adam and mentioned something and I know I said I needed to go back to the hotel . They were ready to walk , and I said I 'd take a cab . At this point , I had lost everything . I was no longer able to keep my brain together . To be perfectly honest , I don 't know how it all worked out . I don 't know if I TOLD Adam and Caroline to walk and enjoy themselves , or if they sent me on my way . I don 't even remember getting in the cab & giving directions . I don 't remember paying for the cab , I don 't remember getting to the hotel room . I remember nothing until an hour or so later when Caroline came back in . I was sound asleep , face down on the bed and I heard movement in the room . I felt like the life had been sucked out of me and there was nothing left but to sleep what was left of my life in that bed . A short time later I said to Caroline that I couldn 't move my legs . I 've had this happen before , lovely atonic seizures in my legs . I 've fallen down stairs , fallen out of bed , fallen goodness knows where else , but in my adult life it has never actually happened with someone else right there . Caroline comes over and starts prodding at them , picking them up and dropping them . I think she felt to some degree I was joking around after all of the walking we had done . At this point I had started crying . This seizure is the scariest of my seizures anymore . It 's like being a paraplegic but knowing that 's all wrong . That your legs are there and you SHOULD be able to move . Knowing what should happen , and yet having the opposite happen is a terrible thing . I have trouble connecting the dots for that evening . My memory is sketchy at best . A bit like going out on a bender and things being remembered only AFTER someone tells you about it . If only I really did have a bender , at least I 'd be able to explain it easily . Remember the excitement of getting your learners permit ? Remember the thrill of getting behind the wheel for the very first time ? The freedom , the amazing feeling of just being able to get away whenever you wanted ? Now imagine that being torn out of your hands because of something you can 't control . I live in a small city , with " decent " public transportation . It doesn 't run on Sundays and it only hits a stop once an hour . To get to another line you have to go downtown or learn the ins and outs of the system . It is not easy . When it first clicked with me that I could no longer drive - when I stopped having simple partials before my complex partials - I cried . Everything I 'd worked so hard to get was now gone . I had lost the excitement , I had lost the thrill . I had lost my freedom . That 's not to say I can 't get around . I 've learned the bus system - ish … I 've gotten a bike . I barter with my neighbors for rides when I need to do major grocery shopping . I get around . I just can 't do it when I want . My life now revolves around other people and the schedule they desire . I am dependent . I think that 's one of the hardest parts of this thing … This disorder , disease , malfunction takes away my freedom . It takes away what I dreamed of having as a child . My car still sits in front of my house , parked on the street waiting for its driver to come back to it . Waiting to be driven down country lanes and feel the rush of life passing it by ( well , it would if it really have feelings ) . I refuse to sell it as I hope and pray that one day I 'll be able to use it again . I 'm unwilling to give it up . It is my last bastion of independence , the last string I 'm able to cut . I 'm so excited . My best friend is going to be here shortly . I have prepared lasagna for dinner ( which will be a late dinner , definitely ) , I have cleaned … ish … my house . I even managed to get my car inspected so Caroline and Adam will be able to go where they please , when they please ( the tags expired in August . Whoops ) . I have made plans . The thing is , no matter how many plans you make , how excited you get as someone with epilepsy your life is completely unpredictable . As of this second I 'm fine . In 20 minutes my life could flip upside - down and my excitement may turn to fear that I 've ruined my best friend 's holiday as I 'll be too tired to move . I don 't think its fair that this is how I have to think . I don 't think its fair that I have to depend on others to get the basics in my life accomplished . It isn 't . I try to stay positive , I try to not worry about the simple things . My best friend will be my best friend regardless of how our time together goes . She 'll understand , she always has , not just about my seizures , but about me as a friend . I 'm not going to lie … I cried a lot yesterday . As I stalked my best friend on my iPhone as she ran the race , watching her every meeting point , I cried . I jumped up and cheered as she crossed the finish line . I wish I was more stable . I wish I could be there for her . I wish , I wish , I wish . But as that old saying goes " wish in one hand , shit in the other , see which gets filled first " , wishing doesn 't change much . Caroline understands , and she 's always been supportive . I just feel like an awful friend , not being there screaming at her & for her . Maybe next time I 'll bring a vuvuzela and tick off everyone . So , the reality is , how many of you have friends that will run ( literally ) one mile for you ? I 've got a best friend that will fly across oceans and run 26 miles for me . Pretty much , I 've got the best - est best friend ever . Today is a good day . It 's the day that Caroline runs the New York Marathon . It 's the day that she 's been working for since January . It 's a day we thought was so far away when it was initially booked . Yet here we are , waiting for the race to officially start . Today is a combination of happy and sad for me . I 'm so happy that Caroline is in the US , running a marathon , doing what she does best , supporting her friends and running . Yet I 'm sad because I can 't be there cheering her on . I suppose this is how she feels with me , I suppose this is why she 's running the marathon . She can 't be here to support me when I need it , so she 's supporting my organization . I only wish she had an organization that I could support like she is . Still , I 'm happy . I see Caroline on Tuesday , and we 'll get to do some touristy things in Roanoke ( are there touristy things in Roanoke ? ? ) . We 'll get to chat and be close . It 'll be like our friendship is supposed to be . The auction has sold , we raised $ 172 for the Epilepsy Foundation , and our cause specifically . As soon as it actually posts it should bring us up quite a bit . The person who bought it is a coworker of mine , and despite our constant bickering , he 's a pretty decent guy . So all in all , I 'm a happy girl . Who can complain about having friends and family who are willing to go to the ends of the Earth for me . Seriously , My life … not so bad after all . The first Monday of every month , I go to a support group . This support group has only happened twice , but last night we had two speakers , one was the sales person / nurse for the VNS manufacturer , and the other was a local epileptologist . I had NO idea we had one in the area , last I looked there weren 't any . We talked a bit about what was going on in our lives , and then the VNS speaker stood before us and presented . She handed us VNS implants to hold , to look at . I , personally , am unlikely to get one of these devices . I 'm a bit of a VNS - a - phobe if there is such a thing . But to hold a device that could change someone 's life in your hands ? It 's a bit like holding the red button to start a nuclear war . This little device is a little over the size of a quarter with one big wire coming out of it . As I rolled it around in my hands and looked at the electrodes that wrap around the Vagus nerve , I thought to myself If I knew this could change everything tomorrow , I 'd be in the operating room now . The problem is , I 've heard some horror stories about the VNS , and even after hearing the success stories it 's hard to get those tear jerking memories out of my head . I guess my point is , treatment is evolving , changing . I want to be someone who helps people get better . I want to be someone who changes at least one person 's world . Please remember to donate . The race is on Sunday and we need to get closer to our goal ! Even if it 's $ 1 , please donate ! Life lately has been busy . I 've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get the auction up and running ( it 's up now , btw ) . Between that , and work extra curricular activities I 've become a busy little girl . I 'm always tired , like a walking zombie more than a human being . We 've talked about raising my meds this weekend , but I don 't know if I 'll manage to do it . I don 't know if I can handle more benzos in my system . I already drool on my pillow every night , and I generally start the pass out process around 6pm . I try . . not to be such a stick in the mud , but there 's not much I can do for it . I 've apparently had seizures that I didn 't know I was having . Yesterday , a co - worker apparently came over and poked me in the back while I was working . She wanted my attention for something . I didn 't react , didn 't move . She hung around and said my name a few times until I was back to the real world . I don 't remember any of it . I have no recall of being " out of it " so who knows how many seizures I 've had that I * don 't * know about . Makes me wonder if my seizure diary is really worth it . Caroline 's getting ready for her flight over . The race is really soon . She 's started a new job , and I know she 's stressed . I wish I could be there for her . I 'm excited to see my best friend in just a few days really . I wish NYC was really an option , but between money , meds , and medical histories it 's probably best to stay within range of my doctors here , or Johns Hopkins itself . Anyway , this is more of a diary entry than a real " blog " . I really should work on more things to say . So , I used to like to date . I used to go on a lot of bad dates to give my friends something to smile about , laugh about , and sometimes I met some nice guys . Dating was like a hobby of mine . Don 't get me wrong I always offered to pay my share , was nearly always refused . I never took advantage of the guy in terms of where we stood . I dated because I wanted to meet Mr Right . Well now , since " the Epilepsy " came back , it 's a bit different . I can 't drive so getting to the dates is a bit difficult ( although I must admit , public transport / bikes = hot in my nice date outfits ) . Giving a stranger my address = bad mojo , so what to do , what to do ? Bottom line , I haven 't dated . I 'm becoming a bit of a recluse and my dog is my only full time company . There are so many issues and hardships when it comes to dating when you have a life long disability . When to tell them , how to tell them , and how do you explain it to them ? How do you throw on someone you like that " oh by the way , I have a disability that makes it so I 'm dependent upon others , and one day I may be without a part of my brain . When do you spring that on them ? The first date ? Oh , by the way … I have seizures . When you find out you really like them , and you want it to continue ? Which at that point your heart is invested and it could be harder on you ? The other thing that frightens me about the whole thing … I may never get to have children . I 've gone back and forth about whether or not I want to be a mother and I 've come to the conclusion that I do . So then what ? Pregnancy and the hormones can increase the risk of seizures , which means I could kill my unborn baby just by being me . I feel like I 'm disappointing my family ( I know I 'm not , but sometimes it feels that way ) by even thinking that way . So what to do ? I 'm not saying I 'll never find Mr . Right . I 'm just saying the minefield in front of me is a scary one . It 's one that a lot of epileptics have to walk through . There 's no right or wrong answer ( at least in my opinion ) . Some days are good , some days are bad . The good days are wonderful . You get to enjoy time with your friends , smile , laugh and know that it 'll be OK . The bad days you really feel the urge to just sleep the world away , and you pray that maybe tomorrow will be a good day . Yesterday , well yesterday was a bad day . I had gotten home , and then … Well I don 't remember a lot of the evening . I ate , and then the seizures started rolling in . I said something on Twitter about it . My mom says she called . I slept . I slept a lot . 11pm rolls around and I decide to make my way up to bed . My legs were wobbly , I was wandering around like a staggering drunk . To be honest , at some point I should have gone to the ER . I should have let them look at me . Make sure I wasn 't going brain dead or something stupid . Only problem with that is , they don 't know what to do with me . I can 't take Ativan anymore , their weapon of choice … So what ? They stare at me while I feel miserable , and I feel even more miserable because I 'm in an ER with blood taken and needles everywhere . Knowing there 's nothing that they can do . Knowing that the best they can offer is next to nothing . That 's a kind of nightmare no one deserves . I mean , most people when they get sick they can go to a doctor , be given a pill and go home . They may not feel better immediately , but a few days they could . Even cancer patients have treatments . But there 's not much they can do with me . Not much other than use me as a pin cushion . Today , I should stay in bed . I should watch some Netflix & sleep . But I refuse to give up my day because yesterday was a bad day . I refuse to let that happen . Today could be a good day , if I give it a chance . I 'm not going to say how long this went back and forth . To be honest , it doesn 't make me look like that good of a person , and it 's all a bit ridiculous . However , it does bring up the question , are you an epileptic , or a person with epilepsy ? If I 'm honest , I think a " person with epilepsy " sounds like someone that has leprosy . Someone who is miserable and isolated . Someone who should be put a part from a normal person . An epileptic is just another adjective . It 's just one more thing that makes me a whole . Like if I had diabetes , I 'd be called a diabetic . These are all in the same realm . I wish I didn 't have epilepsy , but I 'm proud to be an Epileptic . Being an Epileptic means I 'm an advocate , I 'm a supporter , I 'm strong , I 'm educated ( because lord knows it takes a lot to know even the slightest bit about epilepsy ) , I 'm supported by those like me , and undersupported by those researching . Being an epileptic says so much more than being a person with epilepsy . I am proud to be an epileptic . I 'm an epileptic , a traveler , a volunteer , a student , a friend , a relative , lover , a fighter , a reader , a writer , a knitter , a biker . I am so many things . To call myself a person with epilepsy seems to make it so much more . It 's like the handbag I 'm always carrying around . It 's my luggage . I 'd rather lose my luggage at the airport and go to the beach . As always , please donate to our cause . My best friend is running a marathon to make arguments about these sorts of things null & void . To properly treat Epilepsy would be a dream come true for me and many others . Help make that dream come true and skip your latte . Give to our fund .
|
The little pointy thing next to the photo is supposed to be a crown . I drew that with a blue colored pencil I took from my Bugs Bunny pencil box while sitting at a desk in our little house in Iowa back during the Kennedy administration . I was doing my homework , maybe coloring a picture I suppose . At that moment , the archaeological evidence shows that with my blue pencil in hand , I was actually day dreaming about a girl . This was 1962 . I was in third grade , according to the year book the picture is in . You may ask , why would a nine year old kid want a school yearbook ? I wanted it because I knew her picture would be in it . The little crown is supposed to mean " Queen of my Heart " . I dreamed of her literally . I went to sleep at night after my prayers by making up stories in my imagination of Jeannine in this peril or that peril . Of her rescue , myself wounded , maybe dying but devoted . Elaborate stories . Herself , always grateful . Giving me a kiss . And there was this void . There was some exciting itch , something beyond kissing . My body seemed to know it , but I didn 't . Something mystical and hidden where girls and boys went to consummate these emotions , but it was a place in the deeper shadows in my skull , where imagination couldn 't reach . Not yet . Now I could lie to you at this point , and none of you would know . I 'm an apprentice fiction writer , lying really well is actually what I aspire to do with my life . The truth in fiction is never in the details , it 's under the surface of the details , and so it will be with you and me in a minute , Friends of the Inner Sanctum . I could tell you Jeannine was madly in love with me , and I carried her books and defended her honor from farm boy bullies . I could tell you we kissed and made out and and otherwise experimented on her porch swing as the sun set over the cornfields and her folks inside were watching Popogigio the Mouse on Ed Sullivan . I could tell you how this nymphet rested her nine year old head on my nine year shoulder , inserted her pink wad of Bazooka Joe bubPosted by The reason I chose the topic of Unconventional Crushes for my first on the Grip is pretty simple . I love weirdos . Always have , always will . Even back in high school , while everyone was busying drooling over some boyband with interchangeable members , I was in love with Tim Curry . Yeah . That Tim Curry . The one who plays transvestites and devils and killer clowns . Of course I didn 't fancy him while playing a killer clown . I shit my pants while he played a killer clown . But I did fancy him in the little known but much loved movie , Clue . Et voila : I know . Not much to fancy there , eh ? I mean , just look at the frog eyes and the weird mouth and the general air of British stiff - upper - lippedness . None of that should be sexy . And yet it IS because he 's awesome and I just want him to chase me around a manor house in the 1930s . Possibly while being repressed . I think repression plays a big part in my lust for unconventional weirdos . For example , another high school love was Data . You know , the android - from Star Trek ? The greeny - yellow one . The one who literally couldn 't feel anything . My God , how I lusted after him ! No surprise that I now lust after Spock , from the new Star Trek movie . He doesn 't want to feel anything . Unless it 's my butt . I 'm pretty sure he wants to feel my butt , when I 'm busy frantically thinking about being trapped with him , in a Jeffrey 's tube . The name Jeffrey 's tube alone sounds like the most heavenly dirty thing in the world , so I 'm pretty sure something would end up happening in there , despite the iron lock of emotional detachment that 's probably wrapped around his penis . But I digress . What was I talking about ? Oh yeah - repression , and how it probably actually sucks in real life , but is totally orsum in my head . In my head , repression is one of the few barriers left in the modern world , between my heroines and their lust objects . Repression makes the flame of sexual tension roar , and lots of secret erections can occur , and everything is bad and naughty and wrong and oh . Surely I can 't be blamed , for likingPosted by Maybe it 's because I 'm the least visual human being on earth , but I rarely get turned on by a person 's looks . Show me a picture of a fit , nude body , and I 'll know that aesthetically it 's supposed to do something for me , and I do admire it , but it 's not as if I 'll fantasize about that body when I masturbate . However , captivate me with conversation , and no matter what you look like , my mind will wander off in delightful little daydreams of mussing the sheets with you in a hotel room ( 4 star , of course , with a view . You deserve only the best ) . Is it bad form to admit that I 've imagined fucking many people I admire ? I don 't want you to feel violated , but on the other hand , let me assure you that if I 've fantasized about you - if - you were good in bed . Very , very good indeed . Everything you hate about your body was as good as invisible to me . I liked the way your skin felt against my lips . I loved the way your voice got a bit breathless as you asked me to keep doing that . And while I 'm not much of a cuddler , the part I liked most was the way you laughed in bed afterward , how comfortable and confident you were chatting about string theory or steampunk or motorcycles while sprawled across the bed in a happy haze of sex . If that still makes you uncomfortable , just assume that you fall into the group of people I haven 't imagined fucking . Either way , I still respected you in the morning . I 'm in a long term relationship , but I 've had crushes on many people during our time together , and he knows . I know all about his emotional affairs too . While we 're deeply committed to each other , we 're honest enough to realize that we can 't give each other that wonderful rush of first infatuation anymore . I 'm not talking about a physical affair . It 's purely about enjoying the good feelings that come with a sweet little crush . Since we never expect or want those affairs of the heart to go anywhere beyond unrequited affection , we don 't have to face the ugly downside like we did when we adolescents . Eventually , those intense feelings fade . That 's the nature of fantasy . So we kid each other about our crushes , and even encourage them , because it keeps us young at heart , and man , does it ever lead to some good sex . By Lisabet Sarai Our new member Charlotte Stein set the topic for this week : unconventional crushes . In response , I thought I 'd go ' way back , practically before the dawn of history - okay , before color television at least ! - and talk about one of the first crushes I remember . The intriguing thing about this crush is that it prefigured the sort of person I 'd continue to be attracted to throughout my life . In 1966 I was in ninth grade , thirteen years old , and madly in love with a guy on TV . The spy series " The Man from U . N . C . L . E " was hugely popular in those Cold War years . Each week super - agent Napoleon Solo from the United Network Command for Law and Enforcement matched mind and muscle with the evil minions of THRUSH ( the Technological Hierarchy for the Removal of Undesirables and the Subjugation of Humanity ) as they plotted world domination . Solo had a lot in common with his contemporary James Bond ( not all that surprising , considering the fact that Ian Fleming contributed to the development of the character ) . He was handsome , muscular , sophisticated , witty , and what would now be termed a chick - magnet . He was clearly the hero of the series - in fact the original title was " Solo " . But I wasn 't in love with Napoleon Solo , despite his many positive attributes . The man I adored , whom I would do anything to meet , for whom I was ready to die , was his slender , brilliant , and enigmatic sidekick , Illya Nikovetch Kuryakin . Except for the fact that he was blond , Illya Kuryakin was a classic example of what I now call the " dark poet " type . You never knew what the taciturn Russian was thinking , but there wasn 't any doubt that it was deep . He evaded questions about his past but he was rumored to have Gypsy blood . He smiled far less often then his extrovert partner Solo . His motivations were normally obscure . Although Illya was an explosives expert and sharp - shooter , and excelled in practically every style of martial arts , his intelligence was his most potent weapon . According to Wikipedia , he earned a Masters degrLisabet Sarai By James Buchanan ( Guest Blogger ) I write cops . I write gay cops . A lot . One basic reason is I like cops . I almost joined the force until my uncle ( who retired as a detective from a large metropolitan police department ) offered to take me to the top of the Bonaventure Hotel and throw me off . I 'm the idiot who slows down at accidents , not to rubberneck the damage , but to see which department has shown up . I favor motorcycle patrol uniforms over any others . The second big reason is that cops are the ultimate stressors and stress survivors . These are people who , at their core , go into a profession wanting to fix the world … sometimes with brute force . Cops are their own hardest critics . They are constantly reviewing the world in 20 / 20 hindsight and filtering every interaction through a level of culturally assimilated paranoia . Cops rely on each other like soldiers . Unlike soldiers however they are charged with defending the laws and morals of society . Many of them are fairly conservative . How do I know ? I devour police autobiographical narratives ; published , unpublished and on the net . Liberals don 't last long in departments … not because they don 't join up , but because that culturally positive view of the world is often beaten out of them within a few years of dealing with the worst of the worst of society . I forget where I found the quote but to paraphrase : " The police encounter the best of us at the worst time of our lives and the worst of us every other time of their lives . " Like any good paramilitary institution they rely on homogeneity ( yeah , paramilitary - - why do you think the ranks are officer , corporal , sergeant , lieutenant , captain and chief ? - btw detective is not a rank , it 's an assignment , like Narcotics , Vice or Motorcycle ) . You have to know exactly how your partner , your back ups and the rest of the department will respond . Cops rely on expected norms of behavior . A psychiatrist whom I once deposed ( I 'm a lawyer ) postulated that all cops are delusional . It 's a functional delusion as opposPosted by I 've been called a lot of things since I came out , " fence sitter " being the most common , " greedy " being the oddest . I 've been told that I should try to have my cake and eat it too . That I need to pick just one sexuality and stick with it . Some people just can 't , and don 't want to , comprehend that to me , enjoying both sexes is like breathing . I can chose not to breath , but eventually I will pass out and my autonomic system will take over and voila ! Air will be sucked into my starving lungs . Same thing . I can say to myself , I am only going to look at men , particularly my husband . But I would be lying to myself , and him , if I said I actually held to it . Thankfully , he knows I am bi , he accepts that I am bi , and ( not so thankfully ) he teases me that I am in fact a lesbian . ( Generally when he feels we haven 't been " close enough " recently enough . TMI I know ) . I 've known since I was thirteen or fourteen years old that I like girls . It took me until fifteen to realize guys weren 't so bad either . I think women are sexy . The sleek lines of a female body , the curves and valleys . And the sweet scents that women can have . It 's enough to turn my head . Then again , I also like the hard planes of a man 's abs , the velvety feel of flesh over toned ( and tanned ) muscle . Guys can be so very hot ! Yet I find that most of my characters are either one or the other , either heterosexual or lesbian / gay . Other than some very , very , very short erotic pieces , only one story features a ménage couple with a bisexual character , and that is set on a far away planet , where the three are stranded . I think mostly because being bisexual can be harder at times than being one or the other . ( Not saying it always is , that will very by the person , but I know in my personal experience , I have often wished I was just one or the other - straight or lesbian ) . Even with an understanding husband , there is always fear , and anxiety , and heartbreak . Plus , there are people who make comments like those above - like I chose to be bisexual just to screw with their chances of gMichelle Houston / Houston Michaels By Ashley ListerThis year I joined our local gay pride march . It was my first time at the event . I went as part of our poetry group ( The Dead Good Poets ) . The poetry group is wholly inclusive and I thought it was important to foreground that inclusivity by joining in with the local community activity of the gay pride march . Also , there were free lollipops and I 'm a sucker for free lollipops . Participating in a gay event meant I had to do a couple of things I don 't usually do . Most worrying of all was the fear I would have to ride on a bus . I don 't want to sound like I 'm a hater , but I don 't ride on buses . It 's not that I 've got anything against buses , or people who ride on buses . It 's just not something I choose to do myself . Fortunately the parade was a slow - moving event and I was able to walk alongside the bus . I was lucky in that regard because I 'm not sure I could have lived with myself after doing something that goes so strongly against my character . I firmly believe , if God had intended me to ride a bus , he wouldn 't have given me a car . The second thing that worried me was the blowing I was expected to do . I was asked to blow up some balloons to decorate the bus . Anyone who has ever known me knows that balloon - blowing interrupts valuable smoking time . I 've been smoking so long that my lungs have shrivelled to the size of a midget 's spent condom . Consequently , the idea of me producing enough air to fill a balloon was a genuine cause for concern . Nevertheless , I braced myself for the task and got on with blowing . Blackpool is , generally , a gay friendly town . The parade was populated with brightly - coloured trailers and included some spectacular floats . Because someone had noticed I was having difficulty blowing up balloons , I was entrusted with a camera and told to go and take nice pictures . This was more in line with my abilities . I was expected to look through a viewfinder and press a button . I eagerly rushed out to take as many photos as possible . The team from the S & M bar were cheerfuPosted by Erotic writers are the literary equivalent of punk rockers . We 're not about respect . We 're considered the troubled deevs on the outside , more or less scorned by the industry . I mentioned to someone on another list I have been on for several years , that one of my stories had been chosen for the latest Mammoth anthology of erotica . This is a very stiff ( so to speak ) competition , not the least because it pays a pretty good check . Considering mine was one of 44 out of about 2000 entries , I was quite proud and when I announced it , this someone said " That 's great - now when are you going to write something serious ? " I bristle when our stuff gets brushed off as junk by people who pride themselves on not having read it . Having said this , I will confess that so far I haven 't gone out of my way to read gay or lesbian erotica though like anyone I have been exposed to it in the movies . I generally don 't do crits on it , because I 'm not qualified to critique work I haven 't read on my own initiative or tried to write . So what 's holding me back ? There is the obvious of course , I 'm not gay . I 'm an enthusiastic heterosexual . Searching my soul I don 't see anything like homophobia there , though you can never be sure , and as a good liberal I 'm all for gay rights . The reason being I don 't see sexual orientation as a moral decision . An old friend of mine turned out later in life to be a transsexual . When Scott / Wendy told me his / her story , it was basically a journey of misery . This wasn 't something he had wanted for himself , more of a curse he was trying to make peace with . Why would anyone want to be gay or lesbian or even transsexual , considering the persecution they will go through , if they had a choice ? I can 't remember any moment in my childhood where Dad sat me down and said " Son , we need to make a plan who you 're going to fuck when you grow up - girls or boys ? I think its better if you should choose girls so I can have grandkids . " I don 't recall having this conversation with myself eithePosted by There are many types of different men , that I drool / get rabies / make an idiot out of myself over . Short men , fat men , thin men , muscular men , men in sweater - vests , men outside of sweater - vests . Men who are part alien or all robot or soul - sucking vampires from the planet Blargon 6 . You name it , I 've crushed on it . But I reserve a special place in my heart , for sexually flexible men . You know what I 'm talking about , ladies . That mythical beast who when asked casually in the middle of a threesome if he 'd like to snog the other guy , says something like - uh , sure . Okay . I 'll give anything a go , once . The kind of guy who finds himself kind of watching gay porn , and not really turning it off . And of course I know he likely doesn 't exist apart from inside my fevered imagination and in the pages of some of my stories , but a gal can dream , can 't she ? Perez Hilton isn 't always right about everyone being gay and not bisexual no not ever don 't you know there 's no such a thing ? Bisexuals are just kidding themselves ! I don 't believe bisexuals are just kidding themselves . And I also believe in sexually flexible men . In fact , I think I 'm pretty good at spotting them , too . I mean , come on . This guy has got to be into a little mutual masturbation with a similarly hot and kind of too - into - it friend : And if this guy doesn 't occasionally like disappearing into some bushes for a forage , with some dude he 's " just " " friends " with , I 'll eat my hat : It 's just a fact . Some guys like it both ways , and I like to think about it and write about it - in fact , much like Lisabet I feel a kind of safety in writing about sexual flexibility and tentative forays into experimentation , because I 'm not trampling too much all over a culture that I can only ever know a little bit about . I understand sexual flexibility . I can relate to that feeling of " oh , uh , maybe , okay then " . And therefore I feel qualified to represent it . Or at the very least , I feel as qualified as I 'm ever likely to . Which as usual , isn 't very qualified at all . Writers create characters . Sometimes those characters are queer . Depicting them honestly is the writer 's job . Maybe my long association with the GLBT community makes it easier for me to understand the difference between queer sex a nominally straight person having sex with someone of the same gender , but once the story is in front of a reader , my " qualifications " don 't mean a damn thing . Reader perception is everything . The first story I sold under the pen name Jay Lygon was Green Mountain Boys . Childhood friends from a small Vermont town spend their last summer day together before one joins the military and the other goes off to college . They 're really childhood sweethearts , but don 't act on it until they 're faced with their final hour together . A smile quirked at the corner of his mouth . He had nice lips . Girls at our high school used to talk about Matt 's mouth , how they knew he had to be a great kisser because of how full his lips were . I always thought his eyes were his best feature . Matt cocked his head to the side . Locks of hair swept across his face , so he brushed them back . He really had nice eyes . Bedroom eyes . I gulped . Until then , I almost had it under control , but I blurted out , " I thought you were coming with me . " I was all shaky inside . Nothing felt real . " I forgot that Mom mentioned something about a going away party tonight . You know how excited she is that I enlisted . Christ , they probably have cake and ice cream . Do you want - - ? " " To come over ? " I looked down the lane . Lights glowed from every window of the two - story bed and breakfast . From that distance , I could still make out the gingerbread trim and the white wicker rockers on the long front porch . Tea lights marked the paths through the small herb garden and along the front of the inn . " No . I 'm going home . " That was a shitty way to say goodbye , but there was no way I 'd sit there eating cake while Matt 's mom gave me sideways glances , as if she expected me to swipe her good silver . " Wait a minute . I gotta show you something . " Matt took his time looking up and down the road . " Come on , " he shoved at me until I followed him up the rise and around a bend . He put his hands on my shoulders first , but moved them to my face . Somewhere between , the touch became a light kiss . Then he stopped . " You gonna hit me ? " Stunned , it took a couple seconds for me to react . I was so relieved that it wasn 't just me . He felt it too . There was no way we were going to leave it at that little kiss . One kiss meant nothing . I lunged for his mouth . His lips were chapped , but the rough felt good . He turned his head and spit out his gum . That time , we parted lips and tasted tongues . Maybe it was just a kiss , but I felt it everywhere in my body . My heart tried to pound through my chest , and it felt as if every nerve tingled as my dick swelled . " Sweet Jesus , Matt . " I shook all over . " Don 't you dare get religion on me tonight . " Matt took my hand and pulled me after him into the woods . We only had moonlight and stars , but it was enough to see our way around the thin white trunks of a stand of beech trees . A firefly zoomed ahead of us , flickering , until I lost sight of it . Looking back , I 'm amazed that I haven 't written more lesbian stories . I think I only have two published , and one is a ghost story with sensual elements , but I wouldn 't call it erotica . So Don 't Fuck With Country Girls is , I suppose , my first published lesbian erotica story . My clit is fat and sassy . She peeks out between my lips to lick my panties as I walk up the stairs to the metro station . She knows I 'm taking her to you . People stream out of the station and head to their cars . Few people go into the city this time of day . I can 't understand that . Why desert it just as things are getting interesting ? They run to rural Connecticut ; I get the hell out . I close my eyes and count the stations . Then I open them and check the picture of you I printed out . Close cropped blonde hair , an easy smile . You look like the type who laughs in bed . The picture is strangely long and thin though , as if you cropped someone out . Peering closely , I see a disembodied hand on your shoulder . Maybe it 's nothing . Maybe it 's no one . My clit tingles and drags my mind back on track . You have nice legs . I can believe it when you say you bicycle everywhere in the city . The trees outside the train give way to graveyards that seem to go on forever . I 'm closer to you . I want to slip my hand into my panties and give my clit one friendly squeeze , but pure intentions have a way of knuckling under my fingertips , so I don 't . By the time graffiti - covered steel girders surround the train , the wet spot on my panties is slick , and I 'm crossing and uncrossing my ankles in frustration . At the station , I push past the people trying to board and take the steps two at a time to the tracks below . The late summer swelter is trapped underground with nowhere to go . Thermals rise from between my legs and bring the ocean flower scent to my nose while my clit buzzes like a drowsy bee . I clench my thighs closer together and squirm until it feels too good . At the next station , I give up my seat and cling to the overhead bar . The sharp scent of girl sweat makes me close my eyes , as if that will block out the other human smells around me . The sun is set when I reach the right station . It 's packed , but with the kind of people who never leave the city . I 'm swept up the stairs along with them . Laughing to myself , I think of salmon on a spawning run , and then call myself a dork . On the street , my pace keeps up with everyone for a couple yards but slows until I 'm standing still , searching for street signs . You sent good instructions , but they don 't make sense until I turn back and retrace my steps to the right door . The slim bouncer is as impatient as I am . We fumble as we thrust ID and hand stamp between us . Then I 'm inside , and I 'm frozen , because I don 't want to be caught checking your picture again . I already feel out of place enough . Everyone else wears a polished city patina on their skins . My shoulders slump a little . If I weren 't there to meet you , I 'd work it harder with the girl behind the bar . Her Botticelli hair is slowly escaping the clip that tries to hold it down . Freckles are thick across her nose and continue down into the vee neck of her blue polo shirt . She 's flirty , but I suppose all bartenders are , so I don 't take it personal . Besides , I 'm there to meet you , not her . It 's almost an hour before you come in . My mood has gone through the steps . Denial : Maybe I misunderstood what time you meant . Anger : No I didn 't . Where the fuck are you ? Bargaining : You have exactly twelve minutes to show your damn face . Depression : You 're here but you 're hiding from me because I 'm not what you wanted . By the time you walk in the door , I 'm at Acceptance : Whatever , bitch . Even though our eyes meet and recognition is plain on your face , you don 't come directly to me . You walk around like some goddamn hostess , leaning over tables and squeezing women 's shoulders as you talk to them . Your gaze flicks to me , but more often it goes to the slim brunette sitting across the room with two other women . That table you ignore . Yeah , your legs are great and you 're the type that turns me on , but you 're pissing me off too . My clit retreats , sullen , to stew in her own juices . Erotica writers tend to mine their fantasies for story material , but even we have personal spaces we don 't often show to the world . Challenger Deep is the closest I 've ever come to writing myself . It 's one of those stories that meant a lot to me to write , but I cringe at the idea of other people reading it . It 's almost too personal . A bisexual transgendered bio - woman goes to Guam to spread her father 's ashes over the Challenger Deep trench . She 's been struggling with her need to transition to male . Out on the open ocean , where 's there 's nothing to hide behind , she bares her soul a stranger she 's sure she 'll never meet again . He pleads with her to let her past go and move forward , even though he 's trapped in his regrets . There were large padded captain 's chairs at the back of his boat for fishers , but I settled onto the worn red cushion under the sun shade and propped my feet on a cooler . I sipped from a cold beer . " Your brother told me that you go out to the Mariana Trench a lot . If there 's nothing there to see , as everyone keeps telling me , why do you go ? " I asked . Tano stared at the water . Damn , pissed him off , and I wanted to sweet - talk him into a little bump and grind . He was just my type - - a jock . It was going to be a very long day if he wasn 't going to talk . Tano did talk though . His eyes focused past me as if he were remembering a distant , hazy past . " About three years ago , I was unhappy . I was in love . There was a man . . . He consumed my heart and soul . I lived for the sight of him . On the day he married a woman , I sailed to the edge of the trench . I hung over the railing , staring into the deep , wondering if I had the balls to jump . Instead , my tears fell . Maybe , they are still falling . " " The trench is deep , " I agreed . " Seven miles from the surface to the bottom of the Challenger Deep - - the lowest spot along the trench . Pop told me that you could toss Mount Everest down it and still have a mile of water left . " I almost touched the cap , but saw Tano 's teasing smile and held onto my beer instead . " Tastes like tears , doesn 't it , " he asked softly . Our bodies touched . We stayed there , pressed together , staring down into the water as if it held answers . It was my turn to stare off at the intensely blue water . I ran my fingertips over the lumpy white A on the front of my cap . " Some of us . " I had to move under the faded red sun shade to stay in the short shadows . Noon already . He watched me out of the corner of his eye . " It 's a strange thing to be doing , burying your father . Usually the son does that , around here . " I peeled the label off my beer bottle with my fingernails , trying , as usual , to take it off in one piece . Another superstition . I wasn 't even sure what curse a whole label blocked . What the hell , he came out to me . " I 'm not a woman . I mean , not inside . Just on the surface . " I got the big label off and worked on the smaller one at the neck of the brown bottle . " I was supposed to be a boy . I have two older sisters . They 're girls . " " I mean , they 're girly - girls . Real girls . Inside and out . Not me . See , everyone knows if the two older kids are the same sex , the third child is the last try for the other . Mom even told me that the only name they had picked out was Eric . In the hospital , they slapped the A on the end to make me Erica . " I pulled off my hat . I worked my hands around it in an unending circle while I spoke to the inside of the cap . " I would have made a great boy . I hung around Pop and helped him work on the cars . I was the only one who went to baseball games with him . We both liked gingersnaps and root beer . " As if that described the bond we shared that excluded my Mom and sisters . I was Pop 's son in every way but the one that mattered to me . I gave him that frank look that I learned in bars , the one that got men to follow me to dark corners . " The individual person matters more than the gender . Men , I understand . Women are like a separate tribe with weird rituals and a different language . I don 't get women , but I like making love to them . I like men too . More . " Wave . Trough . White foam . In the distance , the water was unrelenting blue , but the crest curling off the bow of the boat was green and gray . Nothing was different , yet primal instinct told me that I was in danger . He answered in a whisper , " We 're over the trench . " He cut the engines . Even the waves were hushed , as if we 'd stepped inside a great cathedral . He nodded . His pale eyes were as wide as mine . It didn 't seem possible , but we could feel it , the void below us . I stared up at the azure sky , afraid that if I looked down , like a cartoon character , I 'd fall . I didn 't think I believed in such things , but I swore I felt the immense presence of god . I wanted to run . I wanted to hide . I lurched to my backpack and pulled out the box of Pop 's ashes . Tano snatched my A 's cap off my head . He tossed it onto the waves like a Frisbee . " Hey ! " I was too afraid to jump in after it even though I was a great swimmer . That much water could drown you , I thought . The weight of it would drag you under the surface . You 'd never see the sun again . My hat bobbed on top of a far wave , disappeared on the rolling surface , reappeared even further away . " That was the A at the end of your name . Now , you are Eric . " " But what if it is ? That hat was a gris - gris , a magic charm . Throw it away , and throw away the A that made you into a girl . " Tano pleaded with me . " Believe just enough to make it real . Go back to shore as a man . You don 't know when to being ? Begin now ! Right now ! Because the now is the only time you ever really have . " My throat was too tight to breathe . " I let my moment pass . I 'm stuck in a now that never ends , the man I want living with someone else . Before that happened , I should have acted , " Tano told me , and I saw tears in the corners of his eyes . " Don 't waste your now , your chance . " The hat slowly absorbed water , growing darker . The big white A on the front sank lower as it absorbed tears . When it was full of them , it fell below the surface . Feeling as if I were drowning , I gasped in salt air . " You can only tread water so long before the misery will pull you under . It 's not sink or swim . It 's sink or fly . " The hat was gone . Could I cast off my outer self as easily as he cast away my hat ? I inhaled again and relaxed my fists . " I only like men , " Tano reminded me . He came to me , wrapping his arms around my waist . I felt his dick against my thigh . He kissed me , and it was like kissing the sea . I tasted the salt on his mouth and felt the tug of his chapped skin over my smooth lips . His skin was hot from the sun . By Lisabet SaraiJune is officially GLBT Pride month , so I thought we should celebrate at the Grip by discussing same - sex relationships . Since I bored everyone last week with my personal BDSM confessions , I don 't think I 'll talk about my own limited but precious same - sex experiences . Instead , I 'll focus on writing same - sex erotica and erotic romance . I 've published a fair amount of M / M and F / F material , including my most recent novel Necessary Madness and my story " Rush Hour " in D . L . King 's Lambda finalist collection Where the Girls Are . As I mentally reviewed my GLBT work , I came to an unexpected realization . More often than not , my same - sex pairs are not exclusively gay or lesbian . My characters may be attracted to someone of their own gender , but they don 't usually identify themselves as an official member of the corresponding homo - erotic community . Quite often , they have some experience with , and even desire for , the opposite sex . Even in my M / M romance ( where , I 've discovered , introducing any M / F interaction can be the kiss of death from a marketing perspective ) a character may have a heterosexual back story . Rob Murphy , the hunky cop in Necessary Madness , is divorced with two kids . He 's primarily interested in other men , but he doesn 't fit completely into the gay pigeon - hole . In my same - sex erotica , bisexual characters are common . My story " Clean Slate " , which will appear in Rachel Kramer Bussel 's upcoming collection Smooth , involves a young woman with a history of gang membership who has become engaged . The emotional trauma of having her gang tattoos removed ( as required by her fiancé ) drives her into the arms of the curvaceous laser therapist who has been erasing the past from her skin . In " Mad Dogs " , my first male - male story , the protagonist finds himself aroused by a gay orgy even though he 's never had a homo - erotic fantasy in his life : The place reeks of fish and rusted iron . Under these raw smells , I catch a whiff of Bom 's sandalwood cologne . He has lapsed into Thai with his cohorts , abandoning any aLisabet Sarai June is national effective - communications month , and as soon as I read that , of course , my mind went to erotic communications . Most of my stories are about characters trying to articulate their desires , not just to each other but also to themselves . In the first piece I had published , ( " Bedrock , " in Set In Stone , Alyson , 2000 ) , a pair of butch lesbian buddies struggle against community norms to say that they want each other . While this doesn 't happen every time I write an erotic story , I got wicked turned on while writing this piece : the moment when someone admits a terrifying desire , when a character speaks what was up until then wholly unspeakable , is my favorite moment in any story . Erotic communication is hot , scary , and transformative stuff : saying , clearly , what we want , in the moment that we want it - not to get all heavy on you , but that 's the stuff of liberation . In 8 years of leading erotic writing workshops , what I 've found is that once we learn to do that about our sex , we find it more compelling to say what we want for and in other parts of our lives as well : at the office , from our friend - love relationships , with our families - erotic honesty has that kind of ripple effect . There are so many walls built around us clearly articulating our desires , so when we cross those societally - sustained boundaries by saying what we want / need / are curious about , something opens in us . We have freed ourselves to risk - and though maybe it never gets easy , I think the first times are the hardest . Dorothy Allison , in an interview with Michael Rowe ( in Writing Below the Belt ( Richard Kasak Books , 1995 ) , says , " Sexually , I have a fetish about truth telling . It does help in my work . I find it profoundly arousing to watch somebody struggle to articulate their desires . One of the things my girlfriend and I say [ … ] is that you can have anything you want if you have the courage to ask for it . But having that courage to ask for it , wow ! So we set up situations where you can have anything , honey - you just have to be able to ask for it " ( p . 18 ) . Jaden has put her in front of him , on the shaggy old rust - colored couch , and Cara 's hair falls , mussed and fair , around her flushed cheeks . He says , " Say it again . " Then a pause . " Please . " " But I want to hear you say it , Jaden , " she continues . " You have to tell me . " She throbs hot , rough , with the speaking of it . The dim light in her Haight flat grows shallow as the summer fog rolls in outside . When they 'd been girlfriends , though at first the sex was molten , J - wouldn 't speak , refused to say what s / he wanted . Refused to admit s / he ached . It 'd made Cara crazy with the echoing silences inside her , and she longed to physically pry open J - 's mouth , force the words out . She could deal with being shoved around , as long as she 'd been asked for it - but the silent , intense fucking they did made her feel like she was in high school still , and she was ready to be a grown up . So she 'd left . Three years later , it 's Jaden , not J - , here across from her , sitting on the ottoman . He opens his thin , red lips ; his fingertips shake . " I want to - " His voice high , thin , he clears his throat . Begins again . Deeper . Steady . " I 'm going to stand and drop these pants . I want you to stay right there . I want you to look at me , then I want you to take me in your mouth , Cara . " Jaden stands then , a little unsteady , his hands still on his belt . He knocks the ottoman back a bit on the scratched hardwood floor with the heels of his worn boots . He unbuckles and unzips and drops , and Cara has before her again those thighs , that fur , that she 'd known and not known , had ached for and barely been allowed to look at , let alone stroke with hands or tongue . His cock sits small and hard , new , nothing reconstructed , just released finally by T and Jaden 's own need . The flanks that had been flush and rounded are now covered over with denser hair , were newly angular . Cara doesn 't want to mourn for what was lost , just lets that recognition wash through her , then she raises her eyes to Jaden 's face . He watches her , doesn 't know what to do with his hands , has never asked anyone to taste his flesh . Not ever . The street noises get thick outside the windows as nighttime crowds in around the edges of their silence . Cara holds her tongue , her mouth flooding . Jaden wants to do this , right , wants her mouth all around him . Cara lets herself fall forward , just in front of his boots , onto her hands . Slips off the couch , then pushes back up onto her knees , thighs , snags her hair out of her eyes . She doesn 't drop her mouth open . Not yet . But wants to . She can smell him , like an echo of his old musk with this new self lanced through , not chemically , exactly , but heavy . She wants that scent all over her face . He says , " Now - now . Put your hands on either side of my cock . Like , on my thighs . " His voice is wavery , like he had to push it through glass to slow it down . She grins against her wet teeth , lips slipping open easy . She puts her hands , finally , there on Jaden 's body , tries not to think of J - , not on the slipping thumbs in , pressing open . Jaden puts his hands on her face , then , pushes her hair back . I want to get you ready . " He puts his thumbs between her lips , then draws out her saliva , that thick wet , and spreads it across her lips , holds her jaw open . " No , stay just like that " when she tries to move in , close her mouth around his flesh , suck hard , claim what was finally his and about to be hers . " You have to tell me you 're ready , Cara , " he grins a little , that flash - sharp cheek - splitting grin J - used to give her , and she doesn 't tear up . Her cunt drops open with joy . She says , " I 'm ready . You might not be , though , " and grins herself . They hold each other that way , gazing back and forth at past and now , just for a moment . She lets him lead her open mouth onto his hot , tight flesh , she suctions on with a fierce kind of desperation to the root of him , and listens as he finally cries out for want of more of her touch , for more of her mouth , for more - Bio : Jen Cross is a writer , performer , facilitator , and femme dyke incest survivor . Her writing appears in over thirty anthologies and periodicals , including Make / Shift , Nobody Passes , Visible : A Femmethology ( Vol . 1 ) , Best Sex Writing 2008 , Best Women 's Erotica 2007 , and many more . She tours with the Body Heat Femme Porn Tour , for which she 's produced two chapbooks : unconsummated and pink and devastating . She 's featured at such Bay Area literary events as Femina Potens ' Sizzle , Writers With Drinks , the National Queer Arts Festival , Perverts Put Out , the Queer Open Mic , and LitQuake 's LitCrawl . Jen has facilitated sexuality and survivors writing workshops since 2002 , and leads workshops at Writing Ourselves Whole in San Francisco and at colleges and organizations across the country . She received her MA in Transformative Language Arts from Goddard College , and is a certified facilitator of the Amherst Writers & Artists method . Visit writingourselveswhole . org to learn more ! Humans are social creatures . We are communicators by nature , signaling to each out our wants , needs , desires and affection with words , lingering glances , soft touches , and so much more . We are capable of conveying so much with each other . We are also marvelously capable of miscommunication . It 's enough to make you wonder if any other animals can truly mess things up on the scale that humans can . After all , how many birds in the rain forest , screeching a warning about a snake , are actually calling out that a leopard is about to pounce ? Yet we can manage to say something , have it mean one thing , and have it interpreted as something completely different quite well . I marvel at those who are capable of making themselves perfectly understood all the time . Because I have been married twelve years , and we lived together two years before that , and we still have miscommunications rearing their ugly heads from time to time . And we understand either other normally . Perfect strangers ? I gave up a long time ago on trying to have completely synchronous conversations . They can take what they want from the conversation . I 've learned from years of working with the public , that human communication is less about the words you use , and more about what the other person wants to think that you said . If someone is spoiling for a fight , they will twist anything you say , regardless of tone , word choice , body language , etc . Likewise , if someone wants to read something sexual into your words , they will . One of the authors at the Erotica Readers and Writers Association , a guest to the blog a few weeks back - Mike Kimera , had a tagline on his emails that has always stuck with me . It said : " What you read is not what I wrote . I supply the text , you supply the meaning . " To me , truly effective communication is having the person I am talking to on the same page enough that their interpretation of my words matches my meaning when I said them . Beyond that … it 's all a matter of did they warn you about a snake ? Or a leopard ? Me , I 'm gonna look around fPosted by by Ashley ListerOne of the biggest revelations I had during my years as a mature student came when we were introduced to Gricean Maxims and the Cooperative Principle . I took linguistics by accident . There were a lot of boxes on the form and my pen was leaking . All it took was a dribble of ink in the wrong place , and the next thing I knew : I was sitting through a series of lectures discussing Politeness Theory , Pragmatics and , of course , Grice 's Cooperative Principle . Grice , a renowned sociolinguist and philosopher , said : " Make your contribution such as it is required , at the stage at which it occurs , by the accepted purpose or direction of the talk exchange in which you are engaged . " It 's a wordy quote , and starts to drift into obscurity before it 's completely finished . The whole thing could be adroitly summarised with the words ' Talk properly and be nice . ' Grice seemed to realise this because he produced four maxims to explain how communication should ( and invariably does ) occur . According to Grice , effective communication comes about through each utterance observing ( at least ) one of the following maxims : The maxim of quality - is it true ? The maxim of quantity - is too much being said ? Or too little ? The maxim of relation - is it appropriate ? Is it a non sequitur ? The maxim of manner - is it clear ? I 'm not going to prattle on about Grice for much longer . I just wanted to share my joy from when I took this lesson and discovered how true and useful the whole theory could be . It 's proved especially useful for me as a writer because , when I 'm putting words into the mouths of characters , I can now see how to make exchanges seem more credible . A : Do you own a red shirt ? B : Yes . If B owns a red shirt , then the conversation has been successful and none of the maxims have been flouted or violated and there are no hidden implicatures in the exchange . Quality has been observed because B has told the truth . Quantity has been observed because B has given sufficient information . It 's a clear and approprPosted by There 's this fantasy I 've had for practically my whole life , okay ? This is a real fantasy I 'm sharing . Dig . When I was a kid around 16 or 17 I used to mow lawns for money around the neighborhood . There was this one woman , Mabel Krause , something like that . German . I would say looking back she was around her mid or late fifties , probably dead by now . She had a tall , matronly body with teutonic Wagnerian boobs swaying under tight sweaters , even in the summer . Well , you see it coming already . I mow the lawn . Its hot . She 's there . She 's horny and bored . She has a secret thing for young men as I have always had a thing for older women . Time to pay for the lawn . This of course is where it always varies . Just as jazz musicians like to toss off a melody and then noodle around with a dozen variations of it , there are dozens of thrilling variations of what happens after she opens the door and invites me in to offer me payment for the lawn work . After all , an older woman knows when a young man is sneaking stares at her chest , even when he tries to hide it . And after all , there are more memorable ways to thank him for a job well done besides mere money . One of these variations goes like this . Payment . Well , young man , there are many ways of payment . I can give you five dollars ( This was many years ago . The rates have gone up . ) or I can offer you something else . Ohh , I bleat , wide eyed and calf like . Like what , Mrs . Krause ? She pulls her sweater off over her head and tosses it in a fetchingly bitchy manner over her shoulder as she shakes out her hair . She unbuttons the top buttons of her blouse and takes a deep breath or so . Let 's go into the other room . It 's cooler there . This is the time of day I like to take a nap . Would you like to take a nap too ? Okay and then this and that , which ends up in a predictable manner unless I can think of an unpredictable manner . But after its done , basking in the sweaty glow on top of the bed spread , I the too young - barely legal man say " You know . About what just happened . I Posted by
|
The little pointy thing next to the photo is supposed to be a crown . I drew that with a blue colored pencil I took from my Bugs Bunny pencil box while sitting at a desk in our little house in Iowa back during the Kennedy administration . I was doing my homework , maybe coloring a picture I suppose . At that moment , the archaeological evidence shows that with my blue pencil in hand , I was actually day dreaming about a girl . This was 1962 . I was in third grade , according to the year book the picture is in . You may ask , why would a nine year old kid want a school yearbook ? I wanted it because I knew her picture would be in it . The little crown is supposed to mean " Queen of my Heart " . I dreamed of her literally . I went to sleep at night after my prayers by making up stories in my imagination of Jeannine in this peril or that peril . Of her rescue , myself wounded , maybe dying but devoted . Elaborate stories . Herself , always grateful . Giving me a kiss . And there was this void . There was some exciting itch , something beyond kissing . My body seemed to know it , but I didn 't . Something mystical and hidden where girls and boys went to consummate these emotions , but it was a place in the deeper shadows in my skull , where imagination couldn 't reach . Not yet . Now I could lie to you at this point , and none of you would know . I 'm an apprentice fiction writer , lying really well is actually what I aspire to do with my life . The truth in fiction is never in the details , it 's under the surface of the details , and so it will be with you and me in a minute , Friends of the Inner Sanctum . I could tell you Jeannine was madly in love with me , and I carried her books and defended her honor from farm boy bullies . I could tell you we kissed and made out and and otherwise experimented on her porch swing as the sun set over the cornfields and her folks inside were watching Popogigio the Mouse on Ed Sullivan . I could tell you how this nymphet rested her nine year old head on my nine year shoulder , inserted her pink wad of Bazooka Joe bubPosted by The reason I chose the topic of Unconventional Crushes for my first on the Grip is pretty simple . I love weirdos . Always have , always will . Even back in high school , while everyone was busying drooling over some boyband with interchangeable members , I was in love with Tim Curry . Yeah . That Tim Curry . The one who plays transvestites and devils and killer clowns . Of course I didn 't fancy him while playing a killer clown . I shit my pants while he played a killer clown . But I did fancy him in the little known but much loved movie , Clue . Et voila : I know . Not much to fancy there , eh ? I mean , just look at the frog eyes and the weird mouth and the general air of British stiff - upper - lippedness . None of that should be sexy . And yet it IS because he 's awesome and I just want him to chase me around a manor house in the 1930s . Possibly while being repressed . I think repression plays a big part in my lust for unconventional weirdos . For example , another high school love was Data . You know , the android - from Star Trek ? The greeny - yellow one . The one who literally couldn 't feel anything . My God , how I lusted after him ! No surprise that I now lust after Spock , from the new Star Trek movie . He doesn 't want to feel anything . Unless it 's my butt . I 'm pretty sure he wants to feel my butt , when I 'm busy frantically thinking about being trapped with him , in a Jeffrey 's tube . The name Jeffrey 's tube alone sounds like the most heavenly dirty thing in the world , so I 'm pretty sure something would end up happening in there , despite the iron lock of emotional detachment that 's probably wrapped around his penis . But I digress . What was I talking about ? Oh yeah - repression , and how it probably actually sucks in real life , but is totally orsum in my head . In my head , repression is one of the few barriers left in the modern world , between my heroines and their lust objects . Repression makes the flame of sexual tension roar , and lots of secret erections can occur , and everything is bad and naughty and wrong and oh . Surely I can 't be blamed , for likingPosted by Maybe it 's because I 'm the least visual human being on earth , but I rarely get turned on by a person 's looks . Show me a picture of a fit , nude body , and I 'll know that aesthetically it 's supposed to do something for me , and I do admire it , but it 's not as if I 'll fantasize about that body when I masturbate . However , captivate me with conversation , and no matter what you look like , my mind will wander off in delightful little daydreams of mussing the sheets with you in a hotel room ( 4 star , of course , with a view . You deserve only the best ) . Is it bad form to admit that I 've imagined fucking many people I admire ? I don 't want you to feel violated , but on the other hand , let me assure you that if I 've fantasized about you - if - you were good in bed . Very , very good indeed . Everything you hate about your body was as good as invisible to me . I liked the way your skin felt against my lips . I loved the way your voice got a bit breathless as you asked me to keep doing that . And while I 'm not much of a cuddler , the part I liked most was the way you laughed in bed afterward , how comfortable and confident you were chatting about string theory or steampunk or motorcycles while sprawled across the bed in a happy haze of sex . If that still makes you uncomfortable , just assume that you fall into the group of people I haven 't imagined fucking . Either way , I still respected you in the morning . I 'm in a long term relationship , but I 've had crushes on many people during our time together , and he knows . I know all about his emotional affairs too . While we 're deeply committed to each other , we 're honest enough to realize that we can 't give each other that wonderful rush of first infatuation anymore . I 'm not talking about a physical affair . It 's purely about enjoying the good feelings that come with a sweet little crush . Since we never expect or want those affairs of the heart to go anywhere beyond unrequited affection , we don 't have to face the ugly downside like we did when we adolescents . Eventually , those intense feelings fade . That 's the nature of fantasy . So we kid each other about our crushes , and even encourage them , because it keeps us young at heart , and man , does it ever lead to some good sex . By Lisabet Sarai Our new member Charlotte Stein set the topic for this week : unconventional crushes . In response , I thought I 'd go ' way back , practically before the dawn of history - okay , before color television at least ! - and talk about one of the first crushes I remember . The intriguing thing about this crush is that it prefigured the sort of person I 'd continue to be attracted to throughout my life . In 1966 I was in ninth grade , thirteen years old , and madly in love with a guy on TV . The spy series " The Man from U . N . C . L . E " was hugely popular in those Cold War years . Each week super - agent Napoleon Solo from the United Network Command for Law and Enforcement matched mind and muscle with the evil minions of THRUSH ( the Technological Hierarchy for the Removal of Undesirables and the Subjugation of Humanity ) as they plotted world domination . Solo had a lot in common with his contemporary James Bond ( not all that surprising , considering the fact that Ian Fleming contributed to the development of the character ) . He was handsome , muscular , sophisticated , witty , and what would now be termed a chick - magnet . He was clearly the hero of the series - in fact the original title was " Solo " . But I wasn 't in love with Napoleon Solo , despite his many positive attributes . The man I adored , whom I would do anything to meet , for whom I was ready to die , was his slender , brilliant , and enigmatic sidekick , Illya Nikovetch Kuryakin . Except for the fact that he was blond , Illya Kuryakin was a classic example of what I now call the " dark poet " type . You never knew what the taciturn Russian was thinking , but there wasn 't any doubt that it was deep . He evaded questions about his past but he was rumored to have Gypsy blood . He smiled far less often then his extrovert partner Solo . His motivations were normally obscure . Although Illya was an explosives expert and sharp - shooter , and excelled in practically every style of martial arts , his intelligence was his most potent weapon . According to Wikipedia , he earned a Masters degrLisabet Sarai By James Buchanan ( Guest Blogger ) I write cops . I write gay cops . A lot . One basic reason is I like cops . I almost joined the force until my uncle ( who retired as a detective from a large metropolitan police department ) offered to take me to the top of the Bonaventure Hotel and throw me off . I 'm the idiot who slows down at accidents , not to rubberneck the damage , but to see which department has shown up . I favor motorcycle patrol uniforms over any others . The second big reason is that cops are the ultimate stressors and stress survivors . These are people who , at their core , go into a profession wanting to fix the world … sometimes with brute force . Cops are their own hardest critics . They are constantly reviewing the world in 20 / 20 hindsight and filtering every interaction through a level of culturally assimilated paranoia . Cops rely on each other like soldiers . Unlike soldiers however they are charged with defending the laws and morals of society . Many of them are fairly conservative . How do I know ? I devour police autobiographical narratives ; published , unpublished and on the net . Liberals don 't last long in departments … not because they don 't join up , but because that culturally positive view of the world is often beaten out of them within a few years of dealing with the worst of the worst of society . I forget where I found the quote but to paraphrase : " The police encounter the best of us at the worst time of our lives and the worst of us every other time of their lives . " Like any good paramilitary institution they rely on homogeneity ( yeah , paramilitary - - why do you think the ranks are officer , corporal , sergeant , lieutenant , captain and chief ? - btw detective is not a rank , it 's an assignment , like Narcotics , Vice or Motorcycle ) . You have to know exactly how your partner , your back ups and the rest of the department will respond . Cops rely on expected norms of behavior . A psychiatrist whom I once deposed ( I 'm a lawyer ) postulated that all cops are delusional . It 's a functional delusion as opposPosted by I 've been called a lot of things since I came out , " fence sitter " being the most common , " greedy " being the oddest . I 've been told that I should try to have my cake and eat it too . That I need to pick just one sexuality and stick with it . Some people just can 't , and don 't want to , comprehend that to me , enjoying both sexes is like breathing . I can chose not to breath , but eventually I will pass out and my autonomic system will take over and voila ! Air will be sucked into my starving lungs . Same thing . I can say to myself , I am only going to look at men , particularly my husband . But I would be lying to myself , and him , if I said I actually held to it . Thankfully , he knows I am bi , he accepts that I am bi , and ( not so thankfully ) he teases me that I am in fact a lesbian . ( Generally when he feels we haven 't been " close enough " recently enough . TMI I know ) . I 've known since I was thirteen or fourteen years old that I like girls . It took me until fifteen to realize guys weren 't so bad either . I think women are sexy . The sleek lines of a female body , the curves and valleys . And the sweet scents that women can have . It 's enough to turn my head . Then again , I also like the hard planes of a man 's abs , the velvety feel of flesh over toned ( and tanned ) muscle . Guys can be so very hot ! Yet I find that most of my characters are either one or the other , either heterosexual or lesbian / gay . Other than some very , very , very short erotic pieces , only one story features a ménage couple with a bisexual character , and that is set on a far away planet , where the three are stranded . I think mostly because being bisexual can be harder at times than being one or the other . ( Not saying it always is , that will very by the person , but I know in my personal experience , I have often wished I was just one or the other - straight or lesbian ) . Even with an understanding husband , there is always fear , and anxiety , and heartbreak . Plus , there are people who make comments like those above - like I chose to be bisexual just to screw with their chances of gMichelle Houston / Houston Michaels By Ashley ListerThis year I joined our local gay pride march . It was my first time at the event . I went as part of our poetry group ( The Dead Good Poets ) . The poetry group is wholly inclusive and I thought it was important to foreground that inclusivity by joining in with the local community activity of the gay pride march . Also , there were free lollipops and I 'm a sucker for free lollipops . Participating in a gay event meant I had to do a couple of things I don 't usually do . Most worrying of all was the fear I would have to ride on a bus . I don 't want to sound like I 'm a hater , but I don 't ride on buses . It 's not that I 've got anything against buses , or people who ride on buses . It 's just not something I choose to do myself . Fortunately the parade was a slow - moving event and I was able to walk alongside the bus . I was lucky in that regard because I 'm not sure I could have lived with myself after doing something that goes so strongly against my character . I firmly believe , if God had intended me to ride a bus , he wouldn 't have given me a car . The second thing that worried me was the blowing I was expected to do . I was asked to blow up some balloons to decorate the bus . Anyone who has ever known me knows that balloon - blowing interrupts valuable smoking time . I 've been smoking so long that my lungs have shrivelled to the size of a midget 's spent condom . Consequently , the idea of me producing enough air to fill a balloon was a genuine cause for concern . Nevertheless , I braced myself for the task and got on with blowing . Blackpool is , generally , a gay friendly town . The parade was populated with brightly - coloured trailers and included some spectacular floats . Because someone had noticed I was having difficulty blowing up balloons , I was entrusted with a camera and told to go and take nice pictures . This was more in line with my abilities . I was expected to look through a viewfinder and press a button . I eagerly rushed out to take as many photos as possible . The team from the S & M bar were cheerfuPosted by Erotic writers are the literary equivalent of punk rockers . We 're not about respect . We 're considered the troubled deevs on the outside , more or less scorned by the industry . I mentioned to someone on another list I have been on for several years , that one of my stories had been chosen for the latest Mammoth anthology of erotica . This is a very stiff ( so to speak ) competition , not the least because it pays a pretty good check . Considering mine was one of 44 out of about 2000 entries , I was quite proud and when I announced it , this someone said " That 's great - now when are you going to write something serious ? " I bristle when our stuff gets brushed off as junk by people who pride themselves on not having read it . Having said this , I will confess that so far I haven 't gone out of my way to read gay or lesbian erotica though like anyone I have been exposed to it in the movies . I generally don 't do crits on it , because I 'm not qualified to critique work I haven 't read on my own initiative or tried to write . So what 's holding me back ? There is the obvious of course , I 'm not gay . I 'm an enthusiastic heterosexual . Searching my soul I don 't see anything like homophobia there , though you can never be sure , and as a good liberal I 'm all for gay rights . The reason being I don 't see sexual orientation as a moral decision . An old friend of mine turned out later in life to be a transsexual . When Scott / Wendy told me his / her story , it was basically a journey of misery . This wasn 't something he had wanted for himself , more of a curse he was trying to make peace with . Why would anyone want to be gay or lesbian or even transsexual , considering the persecution they will go through , if they had a choice ? I can 't remember any moment in my childhood where Dad sat me down and said " Son , we need to make a plan who you 're going to fuck when you grow up - girls or boys ? I think its better if you should choose girls so I can have grandkids . " I don 't recall having this conversation with myself eithePosted by There are many types of different men , that I drool / get rabies / make an idiot out of myself over . Short men , fat men , thin men , muscular men , men in sweater - vests , men outside of sweater - vests . Men who are part alien or all robot or soul - sucking vampires from the planet Blargon 6 . You name it , I 've crushed on it . But I reserve a special place in my heart , for sexually flexible men . You know what I 'm talking about , ladies . That mythical beast who when asked casually in the middle of a threesome if he 'd like to snog the other guy , says something like - uh , sure . Okay . I 'll give anything a go , once . The kind of guy who finds himself kind of watching gay porn , and not really turning it off . And of course I know he likely doesn 't exist apart from inside my fevered imagination and in the pages of some of my stories , but a gal can dream , can 't she ? Perez Hilton isn 't always right about everyone being gay and not bisexual no not ever don 't you know there 's no such a thing ? Bisexuals are just kidding themselves ! I don 't believe bisexuals are just kidding themselves . And I also believe in sexually flexible men . In fact , I think I 'm pretty good at spotting them , too . I mean , come on . This guy has got to be into a little mutual masturbation with a similarly hot and kind of too - into - it friend : And if this guy doesn 't occasionally like disappearing into some bushes for a forage , with some dude he 's " just " " friends " with , I 'll eat my hat : It 's just a fact . Some guys like it both ways , and I like to think about it and write about it - in fact , much like Lisabet I feel a kind of safety in writing about sexual flexibility and tentative forays into experimentation , because I 'm not trampling too much all over a culture that I can only ever know a little bit about . I understand sexual flexibility . I can relate to that feeling of " oh , uh , maybe , okay then " . And therefore I feel qualified to represent it . Or at the very least , I feel as qualified as I 'm ever likely to . Which as usual , isn 't very qualified at all . Writers create characters . Sometimes those characters are queer . Depicting them honestly is the writer 's job . Maybe my long association with the GLBT community makes it easier for me to understand the difference between queer sex a nominally straight person having sex with someone of the same gender , but once the story is in front of a reader , my " qualifications " don 't mean a damn thing . Reader perception is everything . The first story I sold under the pen name Jay Lygon was Green Mountain Boys . Childhood friends from a small Vermont town spend their last summer day together before one joins the military and the other goes off to college . They 're really childhood sweethearts , but don 't act on it until they 're faced with their final hour together . A smile quirked at the corner of his mouth . He had nice lips . Girls at our high school used to talk about Matt 's mouth , how they knew he had to be a great kisser because of how full his lips were . I always thought his eyes were his best feature . Matt cocked his head to the side . Locks of hair swept across his face , so he brushed them back . He really had nice eyes . Bedroom eyes . I gulped . Until then , I almost had it under control , but I blurted out , " I thought you were coming with me . " I was all shaky inside . Nothing felt real . " I forgot that Mom mentioned something about a going away party tonight . You know how excited she is that I enlisted . Christ , they probably have cake and ice cream . Do you want - - ? " " To come over ? " I looked down the lane . Lights glowed from every window of the two - story bed and breakfast . From that distance , I could still make out the gingerbread trim and the white wicker rockers on the long front porch . Tea lights marked the paths through the small herb garden and along the front of the inn . " No . I 'm going home . " That was a shitty way to say goodbye , but there was no way I 'd sit there eating cake while Matt 's mom gave me sideways glances , as if she expected me to swipe her good silver . " Wait a minute . I gotta show you something . " Matt took his time looking up and down the road . " Come on , " he shoved at me until I followed him up the rise and around a bend . He put his hands on my shoulders first , but moved them to my face . Somewhere between , the touch became a light kiss . Then he stopped . " You gonna hit me ? " Stunned , it took a couple seconds for me to react . I was so relieved that it wasn 't just me . He felt it too . There was no way we were going to leave it at that little kiss . One kiss meant nothing . I lunged for his mouth . His lips were chapped , but the rough felt good . He turned his head and spit out his gum . That time , we parted lips and tasted tongues . Maybe it was just a kiss , but I felt it everywhere in my body . My heart tried to pound through my chest , and it felt as if every nerve tingled as my dick swelled . " Sweet Jesus , Matt . " I shook all over . " Don 't you dare get religion on me tonight . " Matt took my hand and pulled me after him into the woods . We only had moonlight and stars , but it was enough to see our way around the thin white trunks of a stand of beech trees . A firefly zoomed ahead of us , flickering , until I lost sight of it . Looking back , I 'm amazed that I haven 't written more lesbian stories . I think I only have two published , and one is a ghost story with sensual elements , but I wouldn 't call it erotica . So Don 't Fuck With Country Girls is , I suppose , my first published lesbian erotica story . My clit is fat and sassy . She peeks out between my lips to lick my panties as I walk up the stairs to the metro station . She knows I 'm taking her to you . People stream out of the station and head to their cars . Few people go into the city this time of day . I can 't understand that . Why desert it just as things are getting interesting ? They run to rural Connecticut ; I get the hell out . I close my eyes and count the stations . Then I open them and check the picture of you I printed out . Close cropped blonde hair , an easy smile . You look like the type who laughs in bed . The picture is strangely long and thin though , as if you cropped someone out . Peering closely , I see a disembodied hand on your shoulder . Maybe it 's nothing . Maybe it 's no one . My clit tingles and drags my mind back on track . You have nice legs . I can believe it when you say you bicycle everywhere in the city . The trees outside the train give way to graveyards that seem to go on forever . I 'm closer to you . I want to slip my hand into my panties and give my clit one friendly squeeze , but pure intentions have a way of knuckling under my fingertips , so I don 't . By the time graffiti - covered steel girders surround the train , the wet spot on my panties is slick , and I 'm crossing and uncrossing my ankles in frustration . At the station , I push past the people trying to board and take the steps two at a time to the tracks below . The late summer swelter is trapped underground with nowhere to go . Thermals rise from between my legs and bring the ocean flower scent to my nose while my clit buzzes like a drowsy bee . I clench my thighs closer together and squirm until it feels too good . At the next station , I give up my seat and cling to the overhead bar . The sharp scent of girl sweat makes me close my eyes , as if that will block out the other human smells around me . The sun is set when I reach the right station . It 's packed , but with the kind of people who never leave the city . I 'm swept up the stairs along with them . Laughing to myself , I think of salmon on a spawning run , and then call myself a dork . On the street , my pace keeps up with everyone for a couple yards but slows until I 'm standing still , searching for street signs . You sent good instructions , but they don 't make sense until I turn back and retrace my steps to the right door . The slim bouncer is as impatient as I am . We fumble as we thrust ID and hand stamp between us . Then I 'm inside , and I 'm frozen , because I don 't want to be caught checking your picture again . I already feel out of place enough . Everyone else wears a polished city patina on their skins . My shoulders slump a little . If I weren 't there to meet you , I 'd work it harder with the girl behind the bar . Her Botticelli hair is slowly escaping the clip that tries to hold it down . Freckles are thick across her nose and continue down into the vee neck of her blue polo shirt . She 's flirty , but I suppose all bartenders are , so I don 't take it personal . Besides , I 'm there to meet you , not her . It 's almost an hour before you come in . My mood has gone through the steps . Denial : Maybe I misunderstood what time you meant . Anger : No I didn 't . Where the fuck are you ? Bargaining : You have exactly twelve minutes to show your damn face . Depression : You 're here but you 're hiding from me because I 'm not what you wanted . By the time you walk in the door , I 'm at Acceptance : Whatever , bitch . Even though our eyes meet and recognition is plain on your face , you don 't come directly to me . You walk around like some goddamn hostess , leaning over tables and squeezing women 's shoulders as you talk to them . Your gaze flicks to me , but more often it goes to the slim brunette sitting across the room with two other women . That table you ignore . Yeah , your legs are great and you 're the type that turns me on , but you 're pissing me off too . My clit retreats , sullen , to stew in her own juices . Erotica writers tend to mine their fantasies for story material , but even we have personal spaces we don 't often show to the world . Challenger Deep is the closest I 've ever come to writing myself . It 's one of those stories that meant a lot to me to write , but I cringe at the idea of other people reading it . It 's almost too personal . A bisexual transgendered bio - woman goes to Guam to spread her father 's ashes over the Challenger Deep trench . She 's been struggling with her need to transition to male . Out on the open ocean , where 's there 's nothing to hide behind , she bares her soul a stranger she 's sure she 'll never meet again . He pleads with her to let her past go and move forward , even though he 's trapped in his regrets . There were large padded captain 's chairs at the back of his boat for fishers , but I settled onto the worn red cushion under the sun shade and propped my feet on a cooler . I sipped from a cold beer . " Your brother told me that you go out to the Mariana Trench a lot . If there 's nothing there to see , as everyone keeps telling me , why do you go ? " I asked . Tano stared at the water . Damn , pissed him off , and I wanted to sweet - talk him into a little bump and grind . He was just my type - - a jock . It was going to be a very long day if he wasn 't going to talk . Tano did talk though . His eyes focused past me as if he were remembering a distant , hazy past . " About three years ago , I was unhappy . I was in love . There was a man . . . He consumed my heart and soul . I lived for the sight of him . On the day he married a woman , I sailed to the edge of the trench . I hung over the railing , staring into the deep , wondering if I had the balls to jump . Instead , my tears fell . Maybe , they are still falling . " " The trench is deep , " I agreed . " Seven miles from the surface to the bottom of the Challenger Deep - - the lowest spot along the trench . Pop told me that you could toss Mount Everest down it and still have a mile of water left . " I almost touched the cap , but saw Tano 's teasing smile and held onto my beer instead . " Tastes like tears , doesn 't it , " he asked softly . Our bodies touched . We stayed there , pressed together , staring down into the water as if it held answers . It was my turn to stare off at the intensely blue water . I ran my fingertips over the lumpy white A on the front of my cap . " Some of us . " I had to move under the faded red sun shade to stay in the short shadows . Noon already . He watched me out of the corner of his eye . " It 's a strange thing to be doing , burying your father . Usually the son does that , around here . " I peeled the label off my beer bottle with my fingernails , trying , as usual , to take it off in one piece . Another superstition . I wasn 't even sure what curse a whole label blocked . What the hell , he came out to me . " I 'm not a woman . I mean , not inside . Just on the surface . " I got the big label off and worked on the smaller one at the neck of the brown bottle . " I was supposed to be a boy . I have two older sisters . They 're girls . " " I mean , they 're girly - girls . Real girls . Inside and out . Not me . See , everyone knows if the two older kids are the same sex , the third child is the last try for the other . Mom even told me that the only name they had picked out was Eric . In the hospital , they slapped the A on the end to make me Erica . " I pulled off my hat . I worked my hands around it in an unending circle while I spoke to the inside of the cap . " I would have made a great boy . I hung around Pop and helped him work on the cars . I was the only one who went to baseball games with him . We both liked gingersnaps and root beer . " As if that described the bond we shared that excluded my Mom and sisters . I was Pop 's son in every way but the one that mattered to me . I gave him that frank look that I learned in bars , the one that got men to follow me to dark corners . " The individual person matters more than the gender . Men , I understand . Women are like a separate tribe with weird rituals and a different language . I don 't get women , but I like making love to them . I like men too . More . " Wave . Trough . White foam . In the distance , the water was unrelenting blue , but the crest curling off the bow of the boat was green and gray . Nothing was different , yet primal instinct told me that I was in danger . He answered in a whisper , " We 're over the trench . " He cut the engines . Even the waves were hushed , as if we 'd stepped inside a great cathedral . He nodded . His pale eyes were as wide as mine . It didn 't seem possible , but we could feel it , the void below us . I stared up at the azure sky , afraid that if I looked down , like a cartoon character , I 'd fall . I didn 't think I believed in such things , but I swore I felt the immense presence of god . I wanted to run . I wanted to hide . I lurched to my backpack and pulled out the box of Pop 's ashes . Tano snatched my A 's cap off my head . He tossed it onto the waves like a Frisbee . " Hey ! " I was too afraid to jump in after it even though I was a great swimmer . That much water could drown you , I thought . The weight of it would drag you under the surface . You 'd never see the sun again . My hat bobbed on top of a far wave , disappeared on the rolling surface , reappeared even further away . " That was the A at the end of your name . Now , you are Eric . " " But what if it is ? That hat was a gris - gris , a magic charm . Throw it away , and throw away the A that made you into a girl . " Tano pleaded with me . " Believe just enough to make it real . Go back to shore as a man . You don 't know when to being ? Begin now ! Right now ! Because the now is the only time you ever really have . " My throat was too tight to breathe . " I let my moment pass . I 'm stuck in a now that never ends , the man I want living with someone else . Before that happened , I should have acted , " Tano told me , and I saw tears in the corners of his eyes . " Don 't waste your now , your chance . " The hat slowly absorbed water , growing darker . The big white A on the front sank lower as it absorbed tears . When it was full of them , it fell below the surface . Feeling as if I were drowning , I gasped in salt air . " You can only tread water so long before the misery will pull you under . It 's not sink or swim . It 's sink or fly . " The hat was gone . Could I cast off my outer self as easily as he cast away my hat ? I inhaled again and relaxed my fists . " I only like men , " Tano reminded me . He came to me , wrapping his arms around my waist . I felt his dick against my thigh . He kissed me , and it was like kissing the sea . I tasted the salt on his mouth and felt the tug of his chapped skin over my smooth lips . His skin was hot from the sun . By Lisabet SaraiJune is officially GLBT Pride month , so I thought we should celebrate at the Grip by discussing same - sex relationships . Since I bored everyone last week with my personal BDSM confessions , I don 't think I 'll talk about my own limited but precious same - sex experiences . Instead , I 'll focus on writing same - sex erotica and erotic romance . I 've published a fair amount of M / M and F / F material , including my most recent novel Necessary Madness and my story " Rush Hour " in D . L . King 's Lambda finalist collection Where the Girls Are . As I mentally reviewed my GLBT work , I came to an unexpected realization . More often than not , my same - sex pairs are not exclusively gay or lesbian . My characters may be attracted to someone of their own gender , but they don 't usually identify themselves as an official member of the corresponding homo - erotic community . Quite often , they have some experience with , and even desire for , the opposite sex . Even in my M / M romance ( where , I 've discovered , introducing any M / F interaction can be the kiss of death from a marketing perspective ) a character may have a heterosexual back story . Rob Murphy , the hunky cop in Necessary Madness , is divorced with two kids . He 's primarily interested in other men , but he doesn 't fit completely into the gay pigeon - hole . In my same - sex erotica , bisexual characters are common . My story " Clean Slate " , which will appear in Rachel Kramer Bussel 's upcoming collection Smooth , involves a young woman with a history of gang membership who has become engaged . The emotional trauma of having her gang tattoos removed ( as required by her fiancé ) drives her into the arms of the curvaceous laser therapist who has been erasing the past from her skin . In " Mad Dogs " , my first male - male story , the protagonist finds himself aroused by a gay orgy even though he 's never had a homo - erotic fantasy in his life : The place reeks of fish and rusted iron . Under these raw smells , I catch a whiff of Bom 's sandalwood cologne . He has lapsed into Thai with his cohorts , abandoning any aLisabet Sarai June is national effective - communications month , and as soon as I read that , of course , my mind went to erotic communications . Most of my stories are about characters trying to articulate their desires , not just to each other but also to themselves . In the first piece I had published , ( " Bedrock , " in Set In Stone , Alyson , 2000 ) , a pair of butch lesbian buddies struggle against community norms to say that they want each other . While this doesn 't happen every time I write an erotic story , I got wicked turned on while writing this piece : the moment when someone admits a terrifying desire , when a character speaks what was up until then wholly unspeakable , is my favorite moment in any story . Erotic communication is hot , scary , and transformative stuff : saying , clearly , what we want , in the moment that we want it - not to get all heavy on you , but that 's the stuff of liberation . In 8 years of leading erotic writing workshops , what I 've found is that once we learn to do that about our sex , we find it more compelling to say what we want for and in other parts of our lives as well : at the office , from our friend - love relationships , with our families - erotic honesty has that kind of ripple effect . There are so many walls built around us clearly articulating our desires , so when we cross those societally - sustained boundaries by saying what we want / need / are curious about , something opens in us . We have freed ourselves to risk - and though maybe it never gets easy , I think the first times are the hardest . Dorothy Allison , in an interview with Michael Rowe ( in Writing Below the Belt ( Richard Kasak Books , 1995 ) , says , " Sexually , I have a fetish about truth telling . It does help in my work . I find it profoundly arousing to watch somebody struggle to articulate their desires . One of the things my girlfriend and I say [ … ] is that you can have anything you want if you have the courage to ask for it . But having that courage to ask for it , wow ! So we set up situations where you can have anything , honey - you just have to be able to ask for it " ( p . 18 ) . Jaden has put her in front of him , on the shaggy old rust - colored couch , and Cara 's hair falls , mussed and fair , around her flushed cheeks . He says , " Say it again . " Then a pause . " Please . " " But I want to hear you say it , Jaden , " she continues . " You have to tell me . " She throbs hot , rough , with the speaking of it . The dim light in her Haight flat grows shallow as the summer fog rolls in outside . When they 'd been girlfriends , though at first the sex was molten , J - wouldn 't speak , refused to say what s / he wanted . Refused to admit s / he ached . It 'd made Cara crazy with the echoing silences inside her , and she longed to physically pry open J - 's mouth , force the words out . She could deal with being shoved around , as long as she 'd been asked for it - but the silent , intense fucking they did made her feel like she was in high school still , and she was ready to be a grown up . So she 'd left . Three years later , it 's Jaden , not J - , here across from her , sitting on the ottoman . He opens his thin , red lips ; his fingertips shake . " I want to - " His voice high , thin , he clears his throat . Begins again . Deeper . Steady . " I 'm going to stand and drop these pants . I want you to stay right there . I want you to look at me , then I want you to take me in your mouth , Cara . " Jaden stands then , a little unsteady , his hands still on his belt . He knocks the ottoman back a bit on the scratched hardwood floor with the heels of his worn boots . He unbuckles and unzips and drops , and Cara has before her again those thighs , that fur , that she 'd known and not known , had ached for and barely been allowed to look at , let alone stroke with hands or tongue . His cock sits small and hard , new , nothing reconstructed , just released finally by T and Jaden 's own need . The flanks that had been flush and rounded are now covered over with denser hair , were newly angular . Cara doesn 't want to mourn for what was lost , just lets that recognition wash through her , then she raises her eyes to Jaden 's face . He watches her , doesn 't know what to do with his hands , has never asked anyone to taste his flesh . Not ever . The street noises get thick outside the windows as nighttime crowds in around the edges of their silence . Cara holds her tongue , her mouth flooding . Jaden wants to do this , right , wants her mouth all around him . Cara lets herself fall forward , just in front of his boots , onto her hands . Slips off the couch , then pushes back up onto her knees , thighs , snags her hair out of her eyes . She doesn 't drop her mouth open . Not yet . But wants to . She can smell him , like an echo of his old musk with this new self lanced through , not chemically , exactly , but heavy . She wants that scent all over her face . He says , " Now - now . Put your hands on either side of my cock . Like , on my thighs . " His voice is wavery , like he had to push it through glass to slow it down . She grins against her wet teeth , lips slipping open easy . She puts her hands , finally , there on Jaden 's body , tries not to think of J - , not on the slipping thumbs in , pressing open . Jaden puts his hands on her face , then , pushes her hair back . I want to get you ready . " He puts his thumbs between her lips , then draws out her saliva , that thick wet , and spreads it across her lips , holds her jaw open . " No , stay just like that " when she tries to move in , close her mouth around his flesh , suck hard , claim what was finally his and about to be hers . " You have to tell me you 're ready , Cara , " he grins a little , that flash - sharp cheek - splitting grin J - used to give her , and she doesn 't tear up . Her cunt drops open with joy . She says , " I 'm ready . You might not be , though , " and grins herself . They hold each other that way , gazing back and forth at past and now , just for a moment . She lets him lead her open mouth onto his hot , tight flesh , she suctions on with a fierce kind of desperation to the root of him , and listens as he finally cries out for want of more of her touch , for more of her mouth , for more - Bio : Jen Cross is a writer , performer , facilitator , and femme dyke incest survivor . Her writing appears in over thirty anthologies and periodicals , including Make / Shift , Nobody Passes , Visible : A Femmethology ( Vol . 1 ) , Best Sex Writing 2008 , Best Women 's Erotica 2007 , and many more . She tours with the Body Heat Femme Porn Tour , for which she 's produced two chapbooks : unconsummated and pink and devastating . She 's featured at such Bay Area literary events as Femina Potens ' Sizzle , Writers With Drinks , the National Queer Arts Festival , Perverts Put Out , the Queer Open Mic , and LitQuake 's LitCrawl . Jen has facilitated sexuality and survivors writing workshops since 2002 , and leads workshops at Writing Ourselves Whole in San Francisco and at colleges and organizations across the country . She received her MA in Transformative Language Arts from Goddard College , and is a certified facilitator of the Amherst Writers & Artists method . Visit writingourselveswhole . org to learn more ! Humans are social creatures . We are communicators by nature , signaling to each out our wants , needs , desires and affection with words , lingering glances , soft touches , and so much more . We are capable of conveying so much with each other . We are also marvelously capable of miscommunication . It 's enough to make you wonder if any other animals can truly mess things up on the scale that humans can . After all , how many birds in the rain forest , screeching a warning about a snake , are actually calling out that a leopard is about to pounce ? Yet we can manage to say something , have it mean one thing , and have it interpreted as something completely different quite well . I marvel at those who are capable of making themselves perfectly understood all the time . Because I have been married twelve years , and we lived together two years before that , and we still have miscommunications rearing their ugly heads from time to time . And we understand either other normally . Perfect strangers ? I gave up a long time ago on trying to have completely synchronous conversations . They can take what they want from the conversation . I 've learned from years of working with the public , that human communication is less about the words you use , and more about what the other person wants to think that you said . If someone is spoiling for a fight , they will twist anything you say , regardless of tone , word choice , body language , etc . Likewise , if someone wants to read something sexual into your words , they will . One of the authors at the Erotica Readers and Writers Association , a guest to the blog a few weeks back - Mike Kimera , had a tagline on his emails that has always stuck with me . It said : " What you read is not what I wrote . I supply the text , you supply the meaning . " To me , truly effective communication is having the person I am talking to on the same page enough that their interpretation of my words matches my meaning when I said them . Beyond that … it 's all a matter of did they warn you about a snake ? Or a leopard ? Me , I 'm gonna look around fPosted by by Ashley ListerOne of the biggest revelations I had during my years as a mature student came when we were introduced to Gricean Maxims and the Cooperative Principle . I took linguistics by accident . There were a lot of boxes on the form and my pen was leaking . All it took was a dribble of ink in the wrong place , and the next thing I knew : I was sitting through a series of lectures discussing Politeness Theory , Pragmatics and , of course , Grice 's Cooperative Principle . Grice , a renowned sociolinguist and philosopher , said : " Make your contribution such as it is required , at the stage at which it occurs , by the accepted purpose or direction of the talk exchange in which you are engaged . " It 's a wordy quote , and starts to drift into obscurity before it 's completely finished . The whole thing could be adroitly summarised with the words ' Talk properly and be nice . ' Grice seemed to realise this because he produced four maxims to explain how communication should ( and invariably does ) occur . According to Grice , effective communication comes about through each utterance observing ( at least ) one of the following maxims : The maxim of quality - is it true ? The maxim of quantity - is too much being said ? Or too little ? The maxim of relation - is it appropriate ? Is it a non sequitur ? The maxim of manner - is it clear ? I 'm not going to prattle on about Grice for much longer . I just wanted to share my joy from when I took this lesson and discovered how true and useful the whole theory could be . It 's proved especially useful for me as a writer because , when I 'm putting words into the mouths of characters , I can now see how to make exchanges seem more credible . A : Do you own a red shirt ? B : Yes . If B owns a red shirt , then the conversation has been successful and none of the maxims have been flouted or violated and there are no hidden implicatures in the exchange . Quality has been observed because B has told the truth . Quantity has been observed because B has given sufficient information . It 's a clear and approprPosted by There 's this fantasy I 've had for practically my whole life , okay ? This is a real fantasy I 'm sharing . Dig . When I was a kid around 16 or 17 I used to mow lawns for money around the neighborhood . There was this one woman , Mabel Krause , something like that . German . I would say looking back she was around her mid or late fifties , probably dead by now . She had a tall , matronly body with teutonic Wagnerian boobs swaying under tight sweaters , even in the summer . Well , you see it coming already . I mow the lawn . Its hot . She 's there . She 's horny and bored . She has a secret thing for young men as I have always had a thing for older women . Time to pay for the lawn . This of course is where it always varies . Just as jazz musicians like to toss off a melody and then noodle around with a dozen variations of it , there are dozens of thrilling variations of what happens after she opens the door and invites me in to offer me payment for the lawn work . After all , an older woman knows when a young man is sneaking stares at her chest , even when he tries to hide it . And after all , there are more memorable ways to thank him for a job well done besides mere money . One of these variations goes like this . Payment . Well , young man , there are many ways of payment . I can give you five dollars ( This was many years ago . The rates have gone up . ) or I can offer you something else . Ohh , I bleat , wide eyed and calf like . Like what , Mrs . Krause ? She pulls her sweater off over her head and tosses it in a fetchingly bitchy manner over her shoulder as she shakes out her hair . She unbuttons the top buttons of her blouse and takes a deep breath or so . Let 's go into the other room . It 's cooler there . This is the time of day I like to take a nap . Would you like to take a nap too ? Okay and then this and that , which ends up in a predictable manner unless I can think of an unpredictable manner . But after its done , basking in the sweaty glow on top of the bed spread , I the too young - barely legal man say " You know . About what just happened . I Posted by
|
The little pointy thing next to the photo is supposed to be a crown . I drew that with a blue colored pencil I took from my Bugs Bunny pencil box while sitting at a desk in our little house in Iowa back during the Kennedy administration . I was doing my homework , maybe coloring a picture I suppose . At that moment , the archaeological evidence shows that with my blue pencil in hand , I was actually day dreaming about a girl . This was 1962 . I was in third grade , according to the year book the picture is in . You may ask , why would a nine year old kid want a school yearbook ? I wanted it because I knew her picture would be in it . The little crown is supposed to mean " Queen of my Heart " . I dreamed of her literally . I went to sleep at night after my prayers by making up stories in my imagination of Jeannine in this peril or that peril . Of her rescue , myself wounded , maybe dying but devoted . Elaborate stories . Herself , always grateful . Giving me a kiss . And there was this void . There was some exciting itch , something beyond kissing . My body seemed to know it , but I didn 't . Something mystical and hidden where girls and boys went to consummate these emotions , but it was a place in the deeper shadows in my skull , where imagination couldn 't reach . Not yet . Now I could lie to you at this point , and none of you would know . I 'm an apprentice fiction writer , lying really well is actually what I aspire to do with my life . The truth in fiction is never in the details , it 's under the surface of the details , and so it will be with you and me in a minute , Friends of the Inner Sanctum . I could tell you Jeannine was madly in love with me , and I carried her books and defended her honor from farm boy bullies . I could tell you we kissed and made out and and otherwise experimented on her porch swing as the sun set over the cornfields and her folks inside were watching Popogigio the Mouse on Ed Sullivan . I could tell you how this nymphet rested her nine year old head on my nine year shoulder , inserted her pink wad of Bazooka Joe bubPosted by The reason I chose the topic of Unconventional Crushes for my first on the Grip is pretty simple . I love weirdos . Always have , always will . Even back in high school , while everyone was busying drooling over some boyband with interchangeable members , I was in love with Tim Curry . Yeah . That Tim Curry . The one who plays transvestites and devils and killer clowns . Of course I didn 't fancy him while playing a killer clown . I shit my pants while he played a killer clown . But I did fancy him in the little known but much loved movie , Clue . Et voila : I know . Not much to fancy there , eh ? I mean , just look at the frog eyes and the weird mouth and the general air of British stiff - upper - lippedness . None of that should be sexy . And yet it IS because he 's awesome and I just want him to chase me around a manor house in the 1930s . Possibly while being repressed . I think repression plays a big part in my lust for unconventional weirdos . For example , another high school love was Data . You know , the android - from Star Trek ? The greeny - yellow one . The one who literally couldn 't feel anything . My God , how I lusted after him ! No surprise that I now lust after Spock , from the new Star Trek movie . He doesn 't want to feel anything . Unless it 's my butt . I 'm pretty sure he wants to feel my butt , when I 'm busy frantically thinking about being trapped with him , in a Jeffrey 's tube . The name Jeffrey 's tube alone sounds like the most heavenly dirty thing in the world , so I 'm pretty sure something would end up happening in there , despite the iron lock of emotional detachment that 's probably wrapped around his penis . But I digress . What was I talking about ? Oh yeah - repression , and how it probably actually sucks in real life , but is totally orsum in my head . In my head , repression is one of the few barriers left in the modern world , between my heroines and their lust objects . Repression makes the flame of sexual tension roar , and lots of secret erections can occur , and everything is bad and naughty and wrong and oh . Surely I can 't be blamed , for likingPosted by Maybe it 's because I 'm the least visual human being on earth , but I rarely get turned on by a person 's looks . Show me a picture of a fit , nude body , and I 'll know that aesthetically it 's supposed to do something for me , and I do admire it , but it 's not as if I 'll fantasize about that body when I masturbate . However , captivate me with conversation , and no matter what you look like , my mind will wander off in delightful little daydreams of mussing the sheets with you in a hotel room ( 4 star , of course , with a view . You deserve only the best ) . Is it bad form to admit that I 've imagined fucking many people I admire ? I don 't want you to feel violated , but on the other hand , let me assure you that if I 've fantasized about you - if - you were good in bed . Very , very good indeed . Everything you hate about your body was as good as invisible to me . I liked the way your skin felt against my lips . I loved the way your voice got a bit breathless as you asked me to keep doing that . And while I 'm not much of a cuddler , the part I liked most was the way you laughed in bed afterward , how comfortable and confident you were chatting about string theory or steampunk or motorcycles while sprawled across the bed in a happy haze of sex . If that still makes you uncomfortable , just assume that you fall into the group of people I haven 't imagined fucking . Either way , I still respected you in the morning . I 'm in a long term relationship , but I 've had crushes on many people during our time together , and he knows . I know all about his emotional affairs too . While we 're deeply committed to each other , we 're honest enough to realize that we can 't give each other that wonderful rush of first infatuation anymore . I 'm not talking about a physical affair . It 's purely about enjoying the good feelings that come with a sweet little crush . Since we never expect or want those affairs of the heart to go anywhere beyond unrequited affection , we don 't have to face the ugly downside like we did when we adolescents . Eventually , those intense feelings fade . That 's the nature of fantasy . So we kid each other about our crushes , and even encourage them , because it keeps us young at heart , and man , does it ever lead to some good sex . By Lisabet Sarai Our new member Charlotte Stein set the topic for this week : unconventional crushes . In response , I thought I 'd go ' way back , practically before the dawn of history - okay , before color television at least ! - and talk about one of the first crushes I remember . The intriguing thing about this crush is that it prefigured the sort of person I 'd continue to be attracted to throughout my life . In 1966 I was in ninth grade , thirteen years old , and madly in love with a guy on TV . The spy series " The Man from U . N . C . L . E " was hugely popular in those Cold War years . Each week super - agent Napoleon Solo from the United Network Command for Law and Enforcement matched mind and muscle with the evil minions of THRUSH ( the Technological Hierarchy for the Removal of Undesirables and the Subjugation of Humanity ) as they plotted world domination . Solo had a lot in common with his contemporary James Bond ( not all that surprising , considering the fact that Ian Fleming contributed to the development of the character ) . He was handsome , muscular , sophisticated , witty , and what would now be termed a chick - magnet . He was clearly the hero of the series - in fact the original title was " Solo " . But I wasn 't in love with Napoleon Solo , despite his many positive attributes . The man I adored , whom I would do anything to meet , for whom I was ready to die , was his slender , brilliant , and enigmatic sidekick , Illya Nikovetch Kuryakin . Except for the fact that he was blond , Illya Kuryakin was a classic example of what I now call the " dark poet " type . You never knew what the taciturn Russian was thinking , but there wasn 't any doubt that it was deep . He evaded questions about his past but he was rumored to have Gypsy blood . He smiled far less often then his extrovert partner Solo . His motivations were normally obscure . Although Illya was an explosives expert and sharp - shooter , and excelled in practically every style of martial arts , his intelligence was his most potent weapon . According to Wikipedia , he earned a Masters degrLisabet Sarai By James Buchanan ( Guest Blogger ) I write cops . I write gay cops . A lot . One basic reason is I like cops . I almost joined the force until my uncle ( who retired as a detective from a large metropolitan police department ) offered to take me to the top of the Bonaventure Hotel and throw me off . I 'm the idiot who slows down at accidents , not to rubberneck the damage , but to see which department has shown up . I favor motorcycle patrol uniforms over any others . The second big reason is that cops are the ultimate stressors and stress survivors . These are people who , at their core , go into a profession wanting to fix the world … sometimes with brute force . Cops are their own hardest critics . They are constantly reviewing the world in 20 / 20 hindsight and filtering every interaction through a level of culturally assimilated paranoia . Cops rely on each other like soldiers . Unlike soldiers however they are charged with defending the laws and morals of society . Many of them are fairly conservative . How do I know ? I devour police autobiographical narratives ; published , unpublished and on the net . Liberals don 't last long in departments … not because they don 't join up , but because that culturally positive view of the world is often beaten out of them within a few years of dealing with the worst of the worst of society . I forget where I found the quote but to paraphrase : " The police encounter the best of us at the worst time of our lives and the worst of us every other time of their lives . " Like any good paramilitary institution they rely on homogeneity ( yeah , paramilitary - - why do you think the ranks are officer , corporal , sergeant , lieutenant , captain and chief ? - btw detective is not a rank , it 's an assignment , like Narcotics , Vice or Motorcycle ) . You have to know exactly how your partner , your back ups and the rest of the department will respond . Cops rely on expected norms of behavior . A psychiatrist whom I once deposed ( I 'm a lawyer ) postulated that all cops are delusional . It 's a functional delusion as opposPosted by I 've been called a lot of things since I came out , " fence sitter " being the most common , " greedy " being the oddest . I 've been told that I should try to have my cake and eat it too . That I need to pick just one sexuality and stick with it . Some people just can 't , and don 't want to , comprehend that to me , enjoying both sexes is like breathing . I can chose not to breath , but eventually I will pass out and my autonomic system will take over and voila ! Air will be sucked into my starving lungs . Same thing . I can say to myself , I am only going to look at men , particularly my husband . But I would be lying to myself , and him , if I said I actually held to it . Thankfully , he knows I am bi , he accepts that I am bi , and ( not so thankfully ) he teases me that I am in fact a lesbian . ( Generally when he feels we haven 't been " close enough " recently enough . TMI I know ) . I 've known since I was thirteen or fourteen years old that I like girls . It took me until fifteen to realize guys weren 't so bad either . I think women are sexy . The sleek lines of a female body , the curves and valleys . And the sweet scents that women can have . It 's enough to turn my head . Then again , I also like the hard planes of a man 's abs , the velvety feel of flesh over toned ( and tanned ) muscle . Guys can be so very hot ! Yet I find that most of my characters are either one or the other , either heterosexual or lesbian / gay . Other than some very , very , very short erotic pieces , only one story features a ménage couple with a bisexual character , and that is set on a far away planet , where the three are stranded . I think mostly because being bisexual can be harder at times than being one or the other . ( Not saying it always is , that will very by the person , but I know in my personal experience , I have often wished I was just one or the other - straight or lesbian ) . Even with an understanding husband , there is always fear , and anxiety , and heartbreak . Plus , there are people who make comments like those above - like I chose to be bisexual just to screw with their chances of gMichelle Houston / Houston Michaels By Ashley ListerThis year I joined our local gay pride march . It was my first time at the event . I went as part of our poetry group ( The Dead Good Poets ) . The poetry group is wholly inclusive and I thought it was important to foreground that inclusivity by joining in with the local community activity of the gay pride march . Also , there were free lollipops and I 'm a sucker for free lollipops . Participating in a gay event meant I had to do a couple of things I don 't usually do . Most worrying of all was the fear I would have to ride on a bus . I don 't want to sound like I 'm a hater , but I don 't ride on buses . It 's not that I 've got anything against buses , or people who ride on buses . It 's just not something I choose to do myself . Fortunately the parade was a slow - moving event and I was able to walk alongside the bus . I was lucky in that regard because I 'm not sure I could have lived with myself after doing something that goes so strongly against my character . I firmly believe , if God had intended me to ride a bus , he wouldn 't have given me a car . The second thing that worried me was the blowing I was expected to do . I was asked to blow up some balloons to decorate the bus . Anyone who has ever known me knows that balloon - blowing interrupts valuable smoking time . I 've been smoking so long that my lungs have shrivelled to the size of a midget 's spent condom . Consequently , the idea of me producing enough air to fill a balloon was a genuine cause for concern . Nevertheless , I braced myself for the task and got on with blowing . Blackpool is , generally , a gay friendly town . The parade was populated with brightly - coloured trailers and included some spectacular floats . Because someone had noticed I was having difficulty blowing up balloons , I was entrusted with a camera and told to go and take nice pictures . This was more in line with my abilities . I was expected to look through a viewfinder and press a button . I eagerly rushed out to take as many photos as possible . The team from the S & M bar were cheerfuPosted by Erotic writers are the literary equivalent of punk rockers . We 're not about respect . We 're considered the troubled deevs on the outside , more or less scorned by the industry . I mentioned to someone on another list I have been on for several years , that one of my stories had been chosen for the latest Mammoth anthology of erotica . This is a very stiff ( so to speak ) competition , not the least because it pays a pretty good check . Considering mine was one of 44 out of about 2000 entries , I was quite proud and when I announced it , this someone said " That 's great - now when are you going to write something serious ? " I bristle when our stuff gets brushed off as junk by people who pride themselves on not having read it . Having said this , I will confess that so far I haven 't gone out of my way to read gay or lesbian erotica though like anyone I have been exposed to it in the movies . I generally don 't do crits on it , because I 'm not qualified to critique work I haven 't read on my own initiative or tried to write . So what 's holding me back ? There is the obvious of course , I 'm not gay . I 'm an enthusiastic heterosexual . Searching my soul I don 't see anything like homophobia there , though you can never be sure , and as a good liberal I 'm all for gay rights . The reason being I don 't see sexual orientation as a moral decision . An old friend of mine turned out later in life to be a transsexual . When Scott / Wendy told me his / her story , it was basically a journey of misery . This wasn 't something he had wanted for himself , more of a curse he was trying to make peace with . Why would anyone want to be gay or lesbian or even transsexual , considering the persecution they will go through , if they had a choice ? I can 't remember any moment in my childhood where Dad sat me down and said " Son , we need to make a plan who you 're going to fuck when you grow up - girls or boys ? I think its better if you should choose girls so I can have grandkids . " I don 't recall having this conversation with myself eithePosted by There are many types of different men , that I drool / get rabies / make an idiot out of myself over . Short men , fat men , thin men , muscular men , men in sweater - vests , men outside of sweater - vests . Men who are part alien or all robot or soul - sucking vampires from the planet Blargon 6 . You name it , I 've crushed on it . But I reserve a special place in my heart , for sexually flexible men . You know what I 'm talking about , ladies . That mythical beast who when asked casually in the middle of a threesome if he 'd like to snog the other guy , says something like - uh , sure . Okay . I 'll give anything a go , once . The kind of guy who finds himself kind of watching gay porn , and not really turning it off . And of course I know he likely doesn 't exist apart from inside my fevered imagination and in the pages of some of my stories , but a gal can dream , can 't she ? Perez Hilton isn 't always right about everyone being gay and not bisexual no not ever don 't you know there 's no such a thing ? Bisexuals are just kidding themselves ! I don 't believe bisexuals are just kidding themselves . And I also believe in sexually flexible men . In fact , I think I 'm pretty good at spotting them , too . I mean , come on . This guy has got to be into a little mutual masturbation with a similarly hot and kind of too - into - it friend : And if this guy doesn 't occasionally like disappearing into some bushes for a forage , with some dude he 's " just " " friends " with , I 'll eat my hat : It 's just a fact . Some guys like it both ways , and I like to think about it and write about it - in fact , much like Lisabet I feel a kind of safety in writing about sexual flexibility and tentative forays into experimentation , because I 'm not trampling too much all over a culture that I can only ever know a little bit about . I understand sexual flexibility . I can relate to that feeling of " oh , uh , maybe , okay then " . And therefore I feel qualified to represent it . Or at the very least , I feel as qualified as I 'm ever likely to . Which as usual , isn 't very qualified at all . Writers create characters . Sometimes those characters are queer . Depicting them honestly is the writer 's job . Maybe my long association with the GLBT community makes it easier for me to understand the difference between queer sex a nominally straight person having sex with someone of the same gender , but once the story is in front of a reader , my " qualifications " don 't mean a damn thing . Reader perception is everything . The first story I sold under the pen name Jay Lygon was Green Mountain Boys . Childhood friends from a small Vermont town spend their last summer day together before one joins the military and the other goes off to college . They 're really childhood sweethearts , but don 't act on it until they 're faced with their final hour together . A smile quirked at the corner of his mouth . He had nice lips . Girls at our high school used to talk about Matt 's mouth , how they knew he had to be a great kisser because of how full his lips were . I always thought his eyes were his best feature . Matt cocked his head to the side . Locks of hair swept across his face , so he brushed them back . He really had nice eyes . Bedroom eyes . I gulped . Until then , I almost had it under control , but I blurted out , " I thought you were coming with me . " I was all shaky inside . Nothing felt real . " I forgot that Mom mentioned something about a going away party tonight . You know how excited she is that I enlisted . Christ , they probably have cake and ice cream . Do you want - - ? " " To come over ? " I looked down the lane . Lights glowed from every window of the two - story bed and breakfast . From that distance , I could still make out the gingerbread trim and the white wicker rockers on the long front porch . Tea lights marked the paths through the small herb garden and along the front of the inn . " No . I 'm going home . " That was a shitty way to say goodbye , but there was no way I 'd sit there eating cake while Matt 's mom gave me sideways glances , as if she expected me to swipe her good silver . " Wait a minute . I gotta show you something . " Matt took his time looking up and down the road . " Come on , " he shoved at me until I followed him up the rise and around a bend . He put his hands on my shoulders first , but moved them to my face . Somewhere between , the touch became a light kiss . Then he stopped . " You gonna hit me ? " Stunned , it took a couple seconds for me to react . I was so relieved that it wasn 't just me . He felt it too . There was no way we were going to leave it at that little kiss . One kiss meant nothing . I lunged for his mouth . His lips were chapped , but the rough felt good . He turned his head and spit out his gum . That time , we parted lips and tasted tongues . Maybe it was just a kiss , but I felt it everywhere in my body . My heart tried to pound through my chest , and it felt as if every nerve tingled as my dick swelled . " Sweet Jesus , Matt . " I shook all over . " Don 't you dare get religion on me tonight . " Matt took my hand and pulled me after him into the woods . We only had moonlight and stars , but it was enough to see our way around the thin white trunks of a stand of beech trees . A firefly zoomed ahead of us , flickering , until I lost sight of it . Looking back , I 'm amazed that I haven 't written more lesbian stories . I think I only have two published , and one is a ghost story with sensual elements , but I wouldn 't call it erotica . So Don 't Fuck With Country Girls is , I suppose , my first published lesbian erotica story . My clit is fat and sassy . She peeks out between my lips to lick my panties as I walk up the stairs to the metro station . She knows I 'm taking her to you . People stream out of the station and head to their cars . Few people go into the city this time of day . I can 't understand that . Why desert it just as things are getting interesting ? They run to rural Connecticut ; I get the hell out . I close my eyes and count the stations . Then I open them and check the picture of you I printed out . Close cropped blonde hair , an easy smile . You look like the type who laughs in bed . The picture is strangely long and thin though , as if you cropped someone out . Peering closely , I see a disembodied hand on your shoulder . Maybe it 's nothing . Maybe it 's no one . My clit tingles and drags my mind back on track . You have nice legs . I can believe it when you say you bicycle everywhere in the city . The trees outside the train give way to graveyards that seem to go on forever . I 'm closer to you . I want to slip my hand into my panties and give my clit one friendly squeeze , but pure intentions have a way of knuckling under my fingertips , so I don 't . By the time graffiti - covered steel girders surround the train , the wet spot on my panties is slick , and I 'm crossing and uncrossing my ankles in frustration . At the station , I push past the people trying to board and take the steps two at a time to the tracks below . The late summer swelter is trapped underground with nowhere to go . Thermals rise from between my legs and bring the ocean flower scent to my nose while my clit buzzes like a drowsy bee . I clench my thighs closer together and squirm until it feels too good . At the next station , I give up my seat and cling to the overhead bar . The sharp scent of girl sweat makes me close my eyes , as if that will block out the other human smells around me . The sun is set when I reach the right station . It 's packed , but with the kind of people who never leave the city . I 'm swept up the stairs along with them . Laughing to myself , I think of salmon on a spawning run , and then call myself a dork . On the street , my pace keeps up with everyone for a couple yards but slows until I 'm standing still , searching for street signs . You sent good instructions , but they don 't make sense until I turn back and retrace my steps to the right door . The slim bouncer is as impatient as I am . We fumble as we thrust ID and hand stamp between us . Then I 'm inside , and I 'm frozen , because I don 't want to be caught checking your picture again . I already feel out of place enough . Everyone else wears a polished city patina on their skins . My shoulders slump a little . If I weren 't there to meet you , I 'd work it harder with the girl behind the bar . Her Botticelli hair is slowly escaping the clip that tries to hold it down . Freckles are thick across her nose and continue down into the vee neck of her blue polo shirt . She 's flirty , but I suppose all bartenders are , so I don 't take it personal . Besides , I 'm there to meet you , not her . It 's almost an hour before you come in . My mood has gone through the steps . Denial : Maybe I misunderstood what time you meant . Anger : No I didn 't . Where the fuck are you ? Bargaining : You have exactly twelve minutes to show your damn face . Depression : You 're here but you 're hiding from me because I 'm not what you wanted . By the time you walk in the door , I 'm at Acceptance : Whatever , bitch . Even though our eyes meet and recognition is plain on your face , you don 't come directly to me . You walk around like some goddamn hostess , leaning over tables and squeezing women 's shoulders as you talk to them . Your gaze flicks to me , but more often it goes to the slim brunette sitting across the room with two other women . That table you ignore . Yeah , your legs are great and you 're the type that turns me on , but you 're pissing me off too . My clit retreats , sullen , to stew in her own juices . Erotica writers tend to mine their fantasies for story material , but even we have personal spaces we don 't often show to the world . Challenger Deep is the closest I 've ever come to writing myself . It 's one of those stories that meant a lot to me to write , but I cringe at the idea of other people reading it . It 's almost too personal . A bisexual transgendered bio - woman goes to Guam to spread her father 's ashes over the Challenger Deep trench . She 's been struggling with her need to transition to male . Out on the open ocean , where 's there 's nothing to hide behind , she bares her soul a stranger she 's sure she 'll never meet again . He pleads with her to let her past go and move forward , even though he 's trapped in his regrets . There were large padded captain 's chairs at the back of his boat for fishers , but I settled onto the worn red cushion under the sun shade and propped my feet on a cooler . I sipped from a cold beer . " Your brother told me that you go out to the Mariana Trench a lot . If there 's nothing there to see , as everyone keeps telling me , why do you go ? " I asked . Tano stared at the water . Damn , pissed him off , and I wanted to sweet - talk him into a little bump and grind . He was just my type - - a jock . It was going to be a very long day if he wasn 't going to talk . Tano did talk though . His eyes focused past me as if he were remembering a distant , hazy past . " About three years ago , I was unhappy . I was in love . There was a man . . . He consumed my heart and soul . I lived for the sight of him . On the day he married a woman , I sailed to the edge of the trench . I hung over the railing , staring into the deep , wondering if I had the balls to jump . Instead , my tears fell . Maybe , they are still falling . " " The trench is deep , " I agreed . " Seven miles from the surface to the bottom of the Challenger Deep - - the lowest spot along the trench . Pop told me that you could toss Mount Everest down it and still have a mile of water left . " I almost touched the cap , but saw Tano 's teasing smile and held onto my beer instead . " Tastes like tears , doesn 't it , " he asked softly . Our bodies touched . We stayed there , pressed together , staring down into the water as if it held answers . It was my turn to stare off at the intensely blue water . I ran my fingertips over the lumpy white A on the front of my cap . " Some of us . " I had to move under the faded red sun shade to stay in the short shadows . Noon already . He watched me out of the corner of his eye . " It 's a strange thing to be doing , burying your father . Usually the son does that , around here . " I peeled the label off my beer bottle with my fingernails , trying , as usual , to take it off in one piece . Another superstition . I wasn 't even sure what curse a whole label blocked . What the hell , he came out to me . " I 'm not a woman . I mean , not inside . Just on the surface . " I got the big label off and worked on the smaller one at the neck of the brown bottle . " I was supposed to be a boy . I have two older sisters . They 're girls . " " I mean , they 're girly - girls . Real girls . Inside and out . Not me . See , everyone knows if the two older kids are the same sex , the third child is the last try for the other . Mom even told me that the only name they had picked out was Eric . In the hospital , they slapped the A on the end to make me Erica . " I pulled off my hat . I worked my hands around it in an unending circle while I spoke to the inside of the cap . " I would have made a great boy . I hung around Pop and helped him work on the cars . I was the only one who went to baseball games with him . We both liked gingersnaps and root beer . " As if that described the bond we shared that excluded my Mom and sisters . I was Pop 's son in every way but the one that mattered to me . I gave him that frank look that I learned in bars , the one that got men to follow me to dark corners . " The individual person matters more than the gender . Men , I understand . Women are like a separate tribe with weird rituals and a different language . I don 't get women , but I like making love to them . I like men too . More . " Wave . Trough . White foam . In the distance , the water was unrelenting blue , but the crest curling off the bow of the boat was green and gray . Nothing was different , yet primal instinct told me that I was in danger . He answered in a whisper , " We 're over the trench . " He cut the engines . Even the waves were hushed , as if we 'd stepped inside a great cathedral . He nodded . His pale eyes were as wide as mine . It didn 't seem possible , but we could feel it , the void below us . I stared up at the azure sky , afraid that if I looked down , like a cartoon character , I 'd fall . I didn 't think I believed in such things , but I swore I felt the immense presence of god . I wanted to run . I wanted to hide . I lurched to my backpack and pulled out the box of Pop 's ashes . Tano snatched my A 's cap off my head . He tossed it onto the waves like a Frisbee . " Hey ! " I was too afraid to jump in after it even though I was a great swimmer . That much water could drown you , I thought . The weight of it would drag you under the surface . You 'd never see the sun again . My hat bobbed on top of a far wave , disappeared on the rolling surface , reappeared even further away . " That was the A at the end of your name . Now , you are Eric . " " But what if it is ? That hat was a gris - gris , a magic charm . Throw it away , and throw away the A that made you into a girl . " Tano pleaded with me . " Believe just enough to make it real . Go back to shore as a man . You don 't know when to being ? Begin now ! Right now ! Because the now is the only time you ever really have . " My throat was too tight to breathe . " I let my moment pass . I 'm stuck in a now that never ends , the man I want living with someone else . Before that happened , I should have acted , " Tano told me , and I saw tears in the corners of his eyes . " Don 't waste your now , your chance . " The hat slowly absorbed water , growing darker . The big white A on the front sank lower as it absorbed tears . When it was full of them , it fell below the surface . Feeling as if I were drowning , I gasped in salt air . " You can only tread water so long before the misery will pull you under . It 's not sink or swim . It 's sink or fly . " The hat was gone . Could I cast off my outer self as easily as he cast away my hat ? I inhaled again and relaxed my fists . " I only like men , " Tano reminded me . He came to me , wrapping his arms around my waist . I felt his dick against my thigh . He kissed me , and it was like kissing the sea . I tasted the salt on his mouth and felt the tug of his chapped skin over my smooth lips . His skin was hot from the sun . By Lisabet SaraiJune is officially GLBT Pride month , so I thought we should celebrate at the Grip by discussing same - sex relationships . Since I bored everyone last week with my personal BDSM confessions , I don 't think I 'll talk about my own limited but precious same - sex experiences . Instead , I 'll focus on writing same - sex erotica and erotic romance . I 've published a fair amount of M / M and F / F material , including my most recent novel Necessary Madness and my story " Rush Hour " in D . L . King 's Lambda finalist collection Where the Girls Are . As I mentally reviewed my GLBT work , I came to an unexpected realization . More often than not , my same - sex pairs are not exclusively gay or lesbian . My characters may be attracted to someone of their own gender , but they don 't usually identify themselves as an official member of the corresponding homo - erotic community . Quite often , they have some experience with , and even desire for , the opposite sex . Even in my M / M romance ( where , I 've discovered , introducing any M / F interaction can be the kiss of death from a marketing perspective ) a character may have a heterosexual back story . Rob Murphy , the hunky cop in Necessary Madness , is divorced with two kids . He 's primarily interested in other men , but he doesn 't fit completely into the gay pigeon - hole . In my same - sex erotica , bisexual characters are common . My story " Clean Slate " , which will appear in Rachel Kramer Bussel 's upcoming collection Smooth , involves a young woman with a history of gang membership who has become engaged . The emotional trauma of having her gang tattoos removed ( as required by her fiancé ) drives her into the arms of the curvaceous laser therapist who has been erasing the past from her skin . In " Mad Dogs " , my first male - male story , the protagonist finds himself aroused by a gay orgy even though he 's never had a homo - erotic fantasy in his life : The place reeks of fish and rusted iron . Under these raw smells , I catch a whiff of Bom 's sandalwood cologne . He has lapsed into Thai with his cohorts , abandoning any aLisabet Sarai June is national effective - communications month , and as soon as I read that , of course , my mind went to erotic communications . Most of my stories are about characters trying to articulate their desires , not just to each other but also to themselves . In the first piece I had published , ( " Bedrock , " in Set In Stone , Alyson , 2000 ) , a pair of butch lesbian buddies struggle against community norms to say that they want each other . While this doesn 't happen every time I write an erotic story , I got wicked turned on while writing this piece : the moment when someone admits a terrifying desire , when a character speaks what was up until then wholly unspeakable , is my favorite moment in any story . Erotic communication is hot , scary , and transformative stuff : saying , clearly , what we want , in the moment that we want it - not to get all heavy on you , but that 's the stuff of liberation . In 8 years of leading erotic writing workshops , what I 've found is that once we learn to do that about our sex , we find it more compelling to say what we want for and in other parts of our lives as well : at the office , from our friend - love relationships , with our families - erotic honesty has that kind of ripple effect . There are so many walls built around us clearly articulating our desires , so when we cross those societally - sustained boundaries by saying what we want / need / are curious about , something opens in us . We have freed ourselves to risk - and though maybe it never gets easy , I think the first times are the hardest . Dorothy Allison , in an interview with Michael Rowe ( in Writing Below the Belt ( Richard Kasak Books , 1995 ) , says , " Sexually , I have a fetish about truth telling . It does help in my work . I find it profoundly arousing to watch somebody struggle to articulate their desires . One of the things my girlfriend and I say [ … ] is that you can have anything you want if you have the courage to ask for it . But having that courage to ask for it , wow ! So we set up situations where you can have anything , honey - you just have to be able to ask for it " ( p . 18 ) . Jaden has put her in front of him , on the shaggy old rust - colored couch , and Cara 's hair falls , mussed and fair , around her flushed cheeks . He says , " Say it again . " Then a pause . " Please . " " But I want to hear you say it , Jaden , " she continues . " You have to tell me . " She throbs hot , rough , with the speaking of it . The dim light in her Haight flat grows shallow as the summer fog rolls in outside . When they 'd been girlfriends , though at first the sex was molten , J - wouldn 't speak , refused to say what s / he wanted . Refused to admit s / he ached . It 'd made Cara crazy with the echoing silences inside her , and she longed to physically pry open J - 's mouth , force the words out . She could deal with being shoved around , as long as she 'd been asked for it - but the silent , intense fucking they did made her feel like she was in high school still , and she was ready to be a grown up . So she 'd left . Three years later , it 's Jaden , not J - , here across from her , sitting on the ottoman . He opens his thin , red lips ; his fingertips shake . " I want to - " His voice high , thin , he clears his throat . Begins again . Deeper . Steady . " I 'm going to stand and drop these pants . I want you to stay right there . I want you to look at me , then I want you to take me in your mouth , Cara . " Jaden stands then , a little unsteady , his hands still on his belt . He knocks the ottoman back a bit on the scratched hardwood floor with the heels of his worn boots . He unbuckles and unzips and drops , and Cara has before her again those thighs , that fur , that she 'd known and not known , had ached for and barely been allowed to look at , let alone stroke with hands or tongue . His cock sits small and hard , new , nothing reconstructed , just released finally by T and Jaden 's own need . The flanks that had been flush and rounded are now covered over with denser hair , were newly angular . Cara doesn 't want to mourn for what was lost , just lets that recognition wash through her , then she raises her eyes to Jaden 's face . He watches her , doesn 't know what to do with his hands , has never asked anyone to taste his flesh . Not ever . The street noises get thick outside the windows as nighttime crowds in around the edges of their silence . Cara holds her tongue , her mouth flooding . Jaden wants to do this , right , wants her mouth all around him . Cara lets herself fall forward , just in front of his boots , onto her hands . Slips off the couch , then pushes back up onto her knees , thighs , snags her hair out of her eyes . She doesn 't drop her mouth open . Not yet . But wants to . She can smell him , like an echo of his old musk with this new self lanced through , not chemically , exactly , but heavy . She wants that scent all over her face . He says , " Now - now . Put your hands on either side of my cock . Like , on my thighs . " His voice is wavery , like he had to push it through glass to slow it down . She grins against her wet teeth , lips slipping open easy . She puts her hands , finally , there on Jaden 's body , tries not to think of J - , not on the slipping thumbs in , pressing open . Jaden puts his hands on her face , then , pushes her hair back . I want to get you ready . " He puts his thumbs between her lips , then draws out her saliva , that thick wet , and spreads it across her lips , holds her jaw open . " No , stay just like that " when she tries to move in , close her mouth around his flesh , suck hard , claim what was finally his and about to be hers . " You have to tell me you 're ready , Cara , " he grins a little , that flash - sharp cheek - splitting grin J - used to give her , and she doesn 't tear up . Her cunt drops open with joy . She says , " I 'm ready . You might not be , though , " and grins herself . They hold each other that way , gazing back and forth at past and now , just for a moment . She lets him lead her open mouth onto his hot , tight flesh , she suctions on with a fierce kind of desperation to the root of him , and listens as he finally cries out for want of more of her touch , for more of her mouth , for more - Bio : Jen Cross is a writer , performer , facilitator , and femme dyke incest survivor . Her writing appears in over thirty anthologies and periodicals , including Make / Shift , Nobody Passes , Visible : A Femmethology ( Vol . 1 ) , Best Sex Writing 2008 , Best Women 's Erotica 2007 , and many more . She tours with the Body Heat Femme Porn Tour , for which she 's produced two chapbooks : unconsummated and pink and devastating . She 's featured at such Bay Area literary events as Femina Potens ' Sizzle , Writers With Drinks , the National Queer Arts Festival , Perverts Put Out , the Queer Open Mic , and LitQuake 's LitCrawl . Jen has facilitated sexuality and survivors writing workshops since 2002 , and leads workshops at Writing Ourselves Whole in San Francisco and at colleges and organizations across the country . She received her MA in Transformative Language Arts from Goddard College , and is a certified facilitator of the Amherst Writers & Artists method . Visit writingourselveswhole . org to learn more ! Humans are social creatures . We are communicators by nature , signaling to each out our wants , needs , desires and affection with words , lingering glances , soft touches , and so much more . We are capable of conveying so much with each other . We are also marvelously capable of miscommunication . It 's enough to make you wonder if any other animals can truly mess things up on the scale that humans can . After all , how many birds in the rain forest , screeching a warning about a snake , are actually calling out that a leopard is about to pounce ? Yet we can manage to say something , have it mean one thing , and have it interpreted as something completely different quite well . I marvel at those who are capable of making themselves perfectly understood all the time . Because I have been married twelve years , and we lived together two years before that , and we still have miscommunications rearing their ugly heads from time to time . And we understand either other normally . Perfect strangers ? I gave up a long time ago on trying to have completely synchronous conversations . They can take what they want from the conversation . I 've learned from years of working with the public , that human communication is less about the words you use , and more about what the other person wants to think that you said . If someone is spoiling for a fight , they will twist anything you say , regardless of tone , word choice , body language , etc . Likewise , if someone wants to read something sexual into your words , they will . One of the authors at the Erotica Readers and Writers Association , a guest to the blog a few weeks back - Mike Kimera , had a tagline on his emails that has always stuck with me . It said : " What you read is not what I wrote . I supply the text , you supply the meaning . " To me , truly effective communication is having the person I am talking to on the same page enough that their interpretation of my words matches my meaning when I said them . Beyond that … it 's all a matter of did they warn you about a snake ? Or a leopard ? Me , I 'm gonna look around fPosted by by Ashley ListerOne of the biggest revelations I had during my years as a mature student came when we were introduced to Gricean Maxims and the Cooperative Principle . I took linguistics by accident . There were a lot of boxes on the form and my pen was leaking . All it took was a dribble of ink in the wrong place , and the next thing I knew : I was sitting through a series of lectures discussing Politeness Theory , Pragmatics and , of course , Grice 's Cooperative Principle . Grice , a renowned sociolinguist and philosopher , said : " Make your contribution such as it is required , at the stage at which it occurs , by the accepted purpose or direction of the talk exchange in which you are engaged . " It 's a wordy quote , and starts to drift into obscurity before it 's completely finished . The whole thing could be adroitly summarised with the words ' Talk properly and be nice . ' Grice seemed to realise this because he produced four maxims to explain how communication should ( and invariably does ) occur . According to Grice , effective communication comes about through each utterance observing ( at least ) one of the following maxims : The maxim of quality - is it true ? The maxim of quantity - is too much being said ? Or too little ? The maxim of relation - is it appropriate ? Is it a non sequitur ? The maxim of manner - is it clear ? I 'm not going to prattle on about Grice for much longer . I just wanted to share my joy from when I took this lesson and discovered how true and useful the whole theory could be . It 's proved especially useful for me as a writer because , when I 'm putting words into the mouths of characters , I can now see how to make exchanges seem more credible . A : Do you own a red shirt ? B : Yes . If B owns a red shirt , then the conversation has been successful and none of the maxims have been flouted or violated and there are no hidden implicatures in the exchange . Quality has been observed because B has told the truth . Quantity has been observed because B has given sufficient information . It 's a clear and approprPosted by There 's this fantasy I 've had for practically my whole life , okay ? This is a real fantasy I 'm sharing . Dig . When I was a kid around 16 or 17 I used to mow lawns for money around the neighborhood . There was this one woman , Mabel Krause , something like that . German . I would say looking back she was around her mid or late fifties , probably dead by now . She had a tall , matronly body with teutonic Wagnerian boobs swaying under tight sweaters , even in the summer . Well , you see it coming already . I mow the lawn . Its hot . She 's there . She 's horny and bored . She has a secret thing for young men as I have always had a thing for older women . Time to pay for the lawn . This of course is where it always varies . Just as jazz musicians like to toss off a melody and then noodle around with a dozen variations of it , there are dozens of thrilling variations of what happens after she opens the door and invites me in to offer me payment for the lawn work . After all , an older woman knows when a young man is sneaking stares at her chest , even when he tries to hide it . And after all , there are more memorable ways to thank him for a job well done besides mere money . One of these variations goes like this . Payment . Well , young man , there are many ways of payment . I can give you five dollars ( This was many years ago . The rates have gone up . ) or I can offer you something else . Ohh , I bleat , wide eyed and calf like . Like what , Mrs . Krause ? She pulls her sweater off over her head and tosses it in a fetchingly bitchy manner over her shoulder as she shakes out her hair . She unbuttons the top buttons of her blouse and takes a deep breath or so . Let 's go into the other room . It 's cooler there . This is the time of day I like to take a nap . Would you like to take a nap too ? Okay and then this and that , which ends up in a predictable manner unless I can think of an unpredictable manner . But after its done , basking in the sweaty glow on top of the bed spread , I the too young - barely legal man say " You know . About what just happened . I Posted by
|
The little pointy thing next to the photo is supposed to be a crown . I drew that with a blue colored pencil I took from my Bugs Bunny pencil box while sitting at a desk in our little house in Iowa back during the Kennedy administration . I was doing my homework , maybe coloring a picture I suppose . At that moment , the archaeological evidence shows that with my blue pencil in hand , I was actually day dreaming about a girl . This was 1962 . I was in third grade , according to the year book the picture is in . You may ask , why would a nine year old kid want a school yearbook ? I wanted it because I knew her picture would be in it . The little crown is supposed to mean " Queen of my Heart " . I dreamed of her literally . I went to sleep at night after my prayers by making up stories in my imagination of Jeannine in this peril or that peril . Of her rescue , myself wounded , maybe dying but devoted . Elaborate stories . Herself , always grateful . Giving me a kiss . And there was this void . There was some exciting itch , something beyond kissing . My body seemed to know it , but I didn 't . Something mystical and hidden where girls and boys went to consummate these emotions , but it was a place in the deeper shadows in my skull , where imagination couldn 't reach . Not yet . Now I could lie to you at this point , and none of you would know . I 'm an apprentice fiction writer , lying really well is actually what I aspire to do with my life . The truth in fiction is never in the details , it 's under the surface of the details , and so it will be with you and me in a minute , Friends of the Inner Sanctum . I could tell you Jeannine was madly in love with me , and I carried her books and defended her honor from farm boy bullies . I could tell you we kissed and made out and and otherwise experimented on her porch swing as the sun set over the cornfields and her folks inside were watching Popogigio the Mouse on Ed Sullivan . I could tell you how this nymphet rested her nine year old head on my nine year shoulder , inserted her pink wad of Bazooka Joe bubPosted by The reason I chose the topic of Unconventional Crushes for my first on the Grip is pretty simple . I love weirdos . Always have , always will . Even back in high school , while everyone was busying drooling over some boyband with interchangeable members , I was in love with Tim Curry . Yeah . That Tim Curry . The one who plays transvestites and devils and killer clowns . Of course I didn 't fancy him while playing a killer clown . I shit my pants while he played a killer clown . But I did fancy him in the little known but much loved movie , Clue . Et voila : I know . Not much to fancy there , eh ? I mean , just look at the frog eyes and the weird mouth and the general air of British stiff - upper - lippedness . None of that should be sexy . And yet it IS because he 's awesome and I just want him to chase me around a manor house in the 1930s . Possibly while being repressed . I think repression plays a big part in my lust for unconventional weirdos . For example , another high school love was Data . You know , the android - from Star Trek ? The greeny - yellow one . The one who literally couldn 't feel anything . My God , how I lusted after him ! No surprise that I now lust after Spock , from the new Star Trek movie . He doesn 't want to feel anything . Unless it 's my butt . I 'm pretty sure he wants to feel my butt , when I 'm busy frantically thinking about being trapped with him , in a Jeffrey 's tube . The name Jeffrey 's tube alone sounds like the most heavenly dirty thing in the world , so I 'm pretty sure something would end up happening in there , despite the iron lock of emotional detachment that 's probably wrapped around his penis . But I digress . What was I talking about ? Oh yeah - repression , and how it probably actually sucks in real life , but is totally orsum in my head . In my head , repression is one of the few barriers left in the modern world , between my heroines and their lust objects . Repression makes the flame of sexual tension roar , and lots of secret erections can occur , and everything is bad and naughty and wrong and oh . Surely I can 't be blamed , for likingPosted by Maybe it 's because I 'm the least visual human being on earth , but I rarely get turned on by a person 's looks . Show me a picture of a fit , nude body , and I 'll know that aesthetically it 's supposed to do something for me , and I do admire it , but it 's not as if I 'll fantasize about that body when I masturbate . However , captivate me with conversation , and no matter what you look like , my mind will wander off in delightful little daydreams of mussing the sheets with you in a hotel room ( 4 star , of course , with a view . You deserve only the best ) . Is it bad form to admit that I 've imagined fucking many people I admire ? I don 't want you to feel violated , but on the other hand , let me assure you that if I 've fantasized about you - if - you were good in bed . Very , very good indeed . Everything you hate about your body was as good as invisible to me . I liked the way your skin felt against my lips . I loved the way your voice got a bit breathless as you asked me to keep doing that . And while I 'm not much of a cuddler , the part I liked most was the way you laughed in bed afterward , how comfortable and confident you were chatting about string theory or steampunk or motorcycles while sprawled across the bed in a happy haze of sex . If that still makes you uncomfortable , just assume that you fall into the group of people I haven 't imagined fucking . Either way , I still respected you in the morning . I 'm in a long term relationship , but I 've had crushes on many people during our time together , and he knows . I know all about his emotional affairs too . While we 're deeply committed to each other , we 're honest enough to realize that we can 't give each other that wonderful rush of first infatuation anymore . I 'm not talking about a physical affair . It 's purely about enjoying the good feelings that come with a sweet little crush . Since we never expect or want those affairs of the heart to go anywhere beyond unrequited affection , we don 't have to face the ugly downside like we did when we adolescents . Eventually , those intense feelings fade . That 's the nature of fantasy . So we kid each other about our crushes , and even encourage them , because it keeps us young at heart , and man , does it ever lead to some good sex . By Lisabet Sarai Our new member Charlotte Stein set the topic for this week : unconventional crushes . In response , I thought I 'd go ' way back , practically before the dawn of history - okay , before color television at least ! - and talk about one of the first crushes I remember . The intriguing thing about this crush is that it prefigured the sort of person I 'd continue to be attracted to throughout my life . In 1966 I was in ninth grade , thirteen years old , and madly in love with a guy on TV . The spy series " The Man from U . N . C . L . E " was hugely popular in those Cold War years . Each week super - agent Napoleon Solo from the United Network Command for Law and Enforcement matched mind and muscle with the evil minions of THRUSH ( the Technological Hierarchy for the Removal of Undesirables and the Subjugation of Humanity ) as they plotted world domination . Solo had a lot in common with his contemporary James Bond ( not all that surprising , considering the fact that Ian Fleming contributed to the development of the character ) . He was handsome , muscular , sophisticated , witty , and what would now be termed a chick - magnet . He was clearly the hero of the series - in fact the original title was " Solo " . But I wasn 't in love with Napoleon Solo , despite his many positive attributes . The man I adored , whom I would do anything to meet , for whom I was ready to die , was his slender , brilliant , and enigmatic sidekick , Illya Nikovetch Kuryakin . Except for the fact that he was blond , Illya Kuryakin was a classic example of what I now call the " dark poet " type . You never knew what the taciturn Russian was thinking , but there wasn 't any doubt that it was deep . He evaded questions about his past but he was rumored to have Gypsy blood . He smiled far less often then his extrovert partner Solo . His motivations were normally obscure . Although Illya was an explosives expert and sharp - shooter , and excelled in practically every style of martial arts , his intelligence was his most potent weapon . According to Wikipedia , he earned a Masters degrLisabet Sarai By James Buchanan ( Guest Blogger ) I write cops . I write gay cops . A lot . One basic reason is I like cops . I almost joined the force until my uncle ( who retired as a detective from a large metropolitan police department ) offered to take me to the top of the Bonaventure Hotel and throw me off . I 'm the idiot who slows down at accidents , not to rubberneck the damage , but to see which department has shown up . I favor motorcycle patrol uniforms over any others . The second big reason is that cops are the ultimate stressors and stress survivors . These are people who , at their core , go into a profession wanting to fix the world … sometimes with brute force . Cops are their own hardest critics . They are constantly reviewing the world in 20 / 20 hindsight and filtering every interaction through a level of culturally assimilated paranoia . Cops rely on each other like soldiers . Unlike soldiers however they are charged with defending the laws and morals of society . Many of them are fairly conservative . How do I know ? I devour police autobiographical narratives ; published , unpublished and on the net . Liberals don 't last long in departments … not because they don 't join up , but because that culturally positive view of the world is often beaten out of them within a few years of dealing with the worst of the worst of society . I forget where I found the quote but to paraphrase : " The police encounter the best of us at the worst time of our lives and the worst of us every other time of their lives . " Like any good paramilitary institution they rely on homogeneity ( yeah , paramilitary - - why do you think the ranks are officer , corporal , sergeant , lieutenant , captain and chief ? - btw detective is not a rank , it 's an assignment , like Narcotics , Vice or Motorcycle ) . You have to know exactly how your partner , your back ups and the rest of the department will respond . Cops rely on expected norms of behavior . A psychiatrist whom I once deposed ( I 'm a lawyer ) postulated that all cops are delusional . It 's a functional delusion as opposPosted by I 've been called a lot of things since I came out , " fence sitter " being the most common , " greedy " being the oddest . I 've been told that I should try to have my cake and eat it too . That I need to pick just one sexuality and stick with it . Some people just can 't , and don 't want to , comprehend that to me , enjoying both sexes is like breathing . I can chose not to breath , but eventually I will pass out and my autonomic system will take over and voila ! Air will be sucked into my starving lungs . Same thing . I can say to myself , I am only going to look at men , particularly my husband . But I would be lying to myself , and him , if I said I actually held to it . Thankfully , he knows I am bi , he accepts that I am bi , and ( not so thankfully ) he teases me that I am in fact a lesbian . ( Generally when he feels we haven 't been " close enough " recently enough . TMI I know ) . I 've known since I was thirteen or fourteen years old that I like girls . It took me until fifteen to realize guys weren 't so bad either . I think women are sexy . The sleek lines of a female body , the curves and valleys . And the sweet scents that women can have . It 's enough to turn my head . Then again , I also like the hard planes of a man 's abs , the velvety feel of flesh over toned ( and tanned ) muscle . Guys can be so very hot ! Yet I find that most of my characters are either one or the other , either heterosexual or lesbian / gay . Other than some very , very , very short erotic pieces , only one story features a ménage couple with a bisexual character , and that is set on a far away planet , where the three are stranded . I think mostly because being bisexual can be harder at times than being one or the other . ( Not saying it always is , that will very by the person , but I know in my personal experience , I have often wished I was just one or the other - straight or lesbian ) . Even with an understanding husband , there is always fear , and anxiety , and heartbreak . Plus , there are people who make comments like those above - like I chose to be bisexual just to screw with their chances of gMichelle Houston / Houston Michaels By Ashley ListerThis year I joined our local gay pride march . It was my first time at the event . I went as part of our poetry group ( The Dead Good Poets ) . The poetry group is wholly inclusive and I thought it was important to foreground that inclusivity by joining in with the local community activity of the gay pride march . Also , there were free lollipops and I 'm a sucker for free lollipops . Participating in a gay event meant I had to do a couple of things I don 't usually do . Most worrying of all was the fear I would have to ride on a bus . I don 't want to sound like I 'm a hater , but I don 't ride on buses . It 's not that I 've got anything against buses , or people who ride on buses . It 's just not something I choose to do myself . Fortunately the parade was a slow - moving event and I was able to walk alongside the bus . I was lucky in that regard because I 'm not sure I could have lived with myself after doing something that goes so strongly against my character . I firmly believe , if God had intended me to ride a bus , he wouldn 't have given me a car . The second thing that worried me was the blowing I was expected to do . I was asked to blow up some balloons to decorate the bus . Anyone who has ever known me knows that balloon - blowing interrupts valuable smoking time . I 've been smoking so long that my lungs have shrivelled to the size of a midget 's spent condom . Consequently , the idea of me producing enough air to fill a balloon was a genuine cause for concern . Nevertheless , I braced myself for the task and got on with blowing . Blackpool is , generally , a gay friendly town . The parade was populated with brightly - coloured trailers and included some spectacular floats . Because someone had noticed I was having difficulty blowing up balloons , I was entrusted with a camera and told to go and take nice pictures . This was more in line with my abilities . I was expected to look through a viewfinder and press a button . I eagerly rushed out to take as many photos as possible . The team from the S & M bar were cheerfuPosted by Erotic writers are the literary equivalent of punk rockers . We 're not about respect . We 're considered the troubled deevs on the outside , more or less scorned by the industry . I mentioned to someone on another list I have been on for several years , that one of my stories had been chosen for the latest Mammoth anthology of erotica . This is a very stiff ( so to speak ) competition , not the least because it pays a pretty good check . Considering mine was one of 44 out of about 2000 entries , I was quite proud and when I announced it , this someone said " That 's great - now when are you going to write something serious ? " I bristle when our stuff gets brushed off as junk by people who pride themselves on not having read it . Having said this , I will confess that so far I haven 't gone out of my way to read gay or lesbian erotica though like anyone I have been exposed to it in the movies . I generally don 't do crits on it , because I 'm not qualified to critique work I haven 't read on my own initiative or tried to write . So what 's holding me back ? There is the obvious of course , I 'm not gay . I 'm an enthusiastic heterosexual . Searching my soul I don 't see anything like homophobia there , though you can never be sure , and as a good liberal I 'm all for gay rights . The reason being I don 't see sexual orientation as a moral decision . An old friend of mine turned out later in life to be a transsexual . When Scott / Wendy told me his / her story , it was basically a journey of misery . This wasn 't something he had wanted for himself , more of a curse he was trying to make peace with . Why would anyone want to be gay or lesbian or even transsexual , considering the persecution they will go through , if they had a choice ? I can 't remember any moment in my childhood where Dad sat me down and said " Son , we need to make a plan who you 're going to fuck when you grow up - girls or boys ? I think its better if you should choose girls so I can have grandkids . " I don 't recall having this conversation with myself eithePosted by There are many types of different men , that I drool / get rabies / make an idiot out of myself over . Short men , fat men , thin men , muscular men , men in sweater - vests , men outside of sweater - vests . Men who are part alien or all robot or soul - sucking vampires from the planet Blargon 6 . You name it , I 've crushed on it . But I reserve a special place in my heart , for sexually flexible men . You know what I 'm talking about , ladies . That mythical beast who when asked casually in the middle of a threesome if he 'd like to snog the other guy , says something like - uh , sure . Okay . I 'll give anything a go , once . The kind of guy who finds himself kind of watching gay porn , and not really turning it off . And of course I know he likely doesn 't exist apart from inside my fevered imagination and in the pages of some of my stories , but a gal can dream , can 't she ? Perez Hilton isn 't always right about everyone being gay and not bisexual no not ever don 't you know there 's no such a thing ? Bisexuals are just kidding themselves ! I don 't believe bisexuals are just kidding themselves . And I also believe in sexually flexible men . In fact , I think I 'm pretty good at spotting them , too . I mean , come on . This guy has got to be into a little mutual masturbation with a similarly hot and kind of too - into - it friend : And if this guy doesn 't occasionally like disappearing into some bushes for a forage , with some dude he 's " just " " friends " with , I 'll eat my hat : It 's just a fact . Some guys like it both ways , and I like to think about it and write about it - in fact , much like Lisabet I feel a kind of safety in writing about sexual flexibility and tentative forays into experimentation , because I 'm not trampling too much all over a culture that I can only ever know a little bit about . I understand sexual flexibility . I can relate to that feeling of " oh , uh , maybe , okay then " . And therefore I feel qualified to represent it . Or at the very least , I feel as qualified as I 'm ever likely to . Which as usual , isn 't very qualified at all . Writers create characters . Sometimes those characters are queer . Depicting them honestly is the writer 's job . Maybe my long association with the GLBT community makes it easier for me to understand the difference between queer sex a nominally straight person having sex with someone of the same gender , but once the story is in front of a reader , my " qualifications " don 't mean a damn thing . Reader perception is everything . The first story I sold under the pen name Jay Lygon was Green Mountain Boys . Childhood friends from a small Vermont town spend their last summer day together before one joins the military and the other goes off to college . They 're really childhood sweethearts , but don 't act on it until they 're faced with their final hour together . A smile quirked at the corner of his mouth . He had nice lips . Girls at our high school used to talk about Matt 's mouth , how they knew he had to be a great kisser because of how full his lips were . I always thought his eyes were his best feature . Matt cocked his head to the side . Locks of hair swept across his face , so he brushed them back . He really had nice eyes . Bedroom eyes . I gulped . Until then , I almost had it under control , but I blurted out , " I thought you were coming with me . " I was all shaky inside . Nothing felt real . " I forgot that Mom mentioned something about a going away party tonight . You know how excited she is that I enlisted . Christ , they probably have cake and ice cream . Do you want - - ? " " To come over ? " I looked down the lane . Lights glowed from every window of the two - story bed and breakfast . From that distance , I could still make out the gingerbread trim and the white wicker rockers on the long front porch . Tea lights marked the paths through the small herb garden and along the front of the inn . " No . I 'm going home . " That was a shitty way to say goodbye , but there was no way I 'd sit there eating cake while Matt 's mom gave me sideways glances , as if she expected me to swipe her good silver . " Wait a minute . I gotta show you something . " Matt took his time looking up and down the road . " Come on , " he shoved at me until I followed him up the rise and around a bend . He put his hands on my shoulders first , but moved them to my face . Somewhere between , the touch became a light kiss . Then he stopped . " You gonna hit me ? " Stunned , it took a couple seconds for me to react . I was so relieved that it wasn 't just me . He felt it too . There was no way we were going to leave it at that little kiss . One kiss meant nothing . I lunged for his mouth . His lips were chapped , but the rough felt good . He turned his head and spit out his gum . That time , we parted lips and tasted tongues . Maybe it was just a kiss , but I felt it everywhere in my body . My heart tried to pound through my chest , and it felt as if every nerve tingled as my dick swelled . " Sweet Jesus , Matt . " I shook all over . " Don 't you dare get religion on me tonight . " Matt took my hand and pulled me after him into the woods . We only had moonlight and stars , but it was enough to see our way around the thin white trunks of a stand of beech trees . A firefly zoomed ahead of us , flickering , until I lost sight of it . Looking back , I 'm amazed that I haven 't written more lesbian stories . I think I only have two published , and one is a ghost story with sensual elements , but I wouldn 't call it erotica . So Don 't Fuck With Country Girls is , I suppose , my first published lesbian erotica story . My clit is fat and sassy . She peeks out between my lips to lick my panties as I walk up the stairs to the metro station . She knows I 'm taking her to you . People stream out of the station and head to their cars . Few people go into the city this time of day . I can 't understand that . Why desert it just as things are getting interesting ? They run to rural Connecticut ; I get the hell out . I close my eyes and count the stations . Then I open them and check the picture of you I printed out . Close cropped blonde hair , an easy smile . You look like the type who laughs in bed . The picture is strangely long and thin though , as if you cropped someone out . Peering closely , I see a disembodied hand on your shoulder . Maybe it 's nothing . Maybe it 's no one . My clit tingles and drags my mind back on track . You have nice legs . I can believe it when you say you bicycle everywhere in the city . The trees outside the train give way to graveyards that seem to go on forever . I 'm closer to you . I want to slip my hand into my panties and give my clit one friendly squeeze , but pure intentions have a way of knuckling under my fingertips , so I don 't . By the time graffiti - covered steel girders surround the train , the wet spot on my panties is slick , and I 'm crossing and uncrossing my ankles in frustration . At the station , I push past the people trying to board and take the steps two at a time to the tracks below . The late summer swelter is trapped underground with nowhere to go . Thermals rise from between my legs and bring the ocean flower scent to my nose while my clit buzzes like a drowsy bee . I clench my thighs closer together and squirm until it feels too good . At the next station , I give up my seat and cling to the overhead bar . The sharp scent of girl sweat makes me close my eyes , as if that will block out the other human smells around me . The sun is set when I reach the right station . It 's packed , but with the kind of people who never leave the city . I 'm swept up the stairs along with them . Laughing to myself , I think of salmon on a spawning run , and then call myself a dork . On the street , my pace keeps up with everyone for a couple yards but slows until I 'm standing still , searching for street signs . You sent good instructions , but they don 't make sense until I turn back and retrace my steps to the right door . The slim bouncer is as impatient as I am . We fumble as we thrust ID and hand stamp between us . Then I 'm inside , and I 'm frozen , because I don 't want to be caught checking your picture again . I already feel out of place enough . Everyone else wears a polished city patina on their skins . My shoulders slump a little . If I weren 't there to meet you , I 'd work it harder with the girl behind the bar . Her Botticelli hair is slowly escaping the clip that tries to hold it down . Freckles are thick across her nose and continue down into the vee neck of her blue polo shirt . She 's flirty , but I suppose all bartenders are , so I don 't take it personal . Besides , I 'm there to meet you , not her . It 's almost an hour before you come in . My mood has gone through the steps . Denial : Maybe I misunderstood what time you meant . Anger : No I didn 't . Where the fuck are you ? Bargaining : You have exactly twelve minutes to show your damn face . Depression : You 're here but you 're hiding from me because I 'm not what you wanted . By the time you walk in the door , I 'm at Acceptance : Whatever , bitch . Even though our eyes meet and recognition is plain on your face , you don 't come directly to me . You walk around like some goddamn hostess , leaning over tables and squeezing women 's shoulders as you talk to them . Your gaze flicks to me , but more often it goes to the slim brunette sitting across the room with two other women . That table you ignore . Yeah , your legs are great and you 're the type that turns me on , but you 're pissing me off too . My clit retreats , sullen , to stew in her own juices . Erotica writers tend to mine their fantasies for story material , but even we have personal spaces we don 't often show to the world . Challenger Deep is the closest I 've ever come to writing myself . It 's one of those stories that meant a lot to me to write , but I cringe at the idea of other people reading it . It 's almost too personal . A bisexual transgendered bio - woman goes to Guam to spread her father 's ashes over the Challenger Deep trench . She 's been struggling with her need to transition to male . Out on the open ocean , where 's there 's nothing to hide behind , she bares her soul a stranger she 's sure she 'll never meet again . He pleads with her to let her past go and move forward , even though he 's trapped in his regrets . There were large padded captain 's chairs at the back of his boat for fishers , but I settled onto the worn red cushion under the sun shade and propped my feet on a cooler . I sipped from a cold beer . " Your brother told me that you go out to the Mariana Trench a lot . If there 's nothing there to see , as everyone keeps telling me , why do you go ? " I asked . Tano stared at the water . Damn , pissed him off , and I wanted to sweet - talk him into a little bump and grind . He was just my type - - a jock . It was going to be a very long day if he wasn 't going to talk . Tano did talk though . His eyes focused past me as if he were remembering a distant , hazy past . " About three years ago , I was unhappy . I was in love . There was a man . . . He consumed my heart and soul . I lived for the sight of him . On the day he married a woman , I sailed to the edge of the trench . I hung over the railing , staring into the deep , wondering if I had the balls to jump . Instead , my tears fell . Maybe , they are still falling . " " The trench is deep , " I agreed . " Seven miles from the surface to the bottom of the Challenger Deep - - the lowest spot along the trench . Pop told me that you could toss Mount Everest down it and still have a mile of water left . " I almost touched the cap , but saw Tano 's teasing smile and held onto my beer instead . " Tastes like tears , doesn 't it , " he asked softly . Our bodies touched . We stayed there , pressed together , staring down into the water as if it held answers . It was my turn to stare off at the intensely blue water . I ran my fingertips over the lumpy white A on the front of my cap . " Some of us . " I had to move under the faded red sun shade to stay in the short shadows . Noon already . He watched me out of the corner of his eye . " It 's a strange thing to be doing , burying your father . Usually the son does that , around here . " I peeled the label off my beer bottle with my fingernails , trying , as usual , to take it off in one piece . Another superstition . I wasn 't even sure what curse a whole label blocked . What the hell , he came out to me . " I 'm not a woman . I mean , not inside . Just on the surface . " I got the big label off and worked on the smaller one at the neck of the brown bottle . " I was supposed to be a boy . I have two older sisters . They 're girls . " " I mean , they 're girly - girls . Real girls . Inside and out . Not me . See , everyone knows if the two older kids are the same sex , the third child is the last try for the other . Mom even told me that the only name they had picked out was Eric . In the hospital , they slapped the A on the end to make me Erica . " I pulled off my hat . I worked my hands around it in an unending circle while I spoke to the inside of the cap . " I would have made a great boy . I hung around Pop and helped him work on the cars . I was the only one who went to baseball games with him . We both liked gingersnaps and root beer . " As if that described the bond we shared that excluded my Mom and sisters . I was Pop 's son in every way but the one that mattered to me . I gave him that frank look that I learned in bars , the one that got men to follow me to dark corners . " The individual person matters more than the gender . Men , I understand . Women are like a separate tribe with weird rituals and a different language . I don 't get women , but I like making love to them . I like men too . More . " Wave . Trough . White foam . In the distance , the water was unrelenting blue , but the crest curling off the bow of the boat was green and gray . Nothing was different , yet primal instinct told me that I was in danger . He answered in a whisper , " We 're over the trench . " He cut the engines . Even the waves were hushed , as if we 'd stepped inside a great cathedral . He nodded . His pale eyes were as wide as mine . It didn 't seem possible , but we could feel it , the void below us . I stared up at the azure sky , afraid that if I looked down , like a cartoon character , I 'd fall . I didn 't think I believed in such things , but I swore I felt the immense presence of god . I wanted to run . I wanted to hide . I lurched to my backpack and pulled out the box of Pop 's ashes . Tano snatched my A 's cap off my head . He tossed it onto the waves like a Frisbee . " Hey ! " I was too afraid to jump in after it even though I was a great swimmer . That much water could drown you , I thought . The weight of it would drag you under the surface . You 'd never see the sun again . My hat bobbed on top of a far wave , disappeared on the rolling surface , reappeared even further away . " That was the A at the end of your name . Now , you are Eric . " " But what if it is ? That hat was a gris - gris , a magic charm . Throw it away , and throw away the A that made you into a girl . " Tano pleaded with me . " Believe just enough to make it real . Go back to shore as a man . You don 't know when to being ? Begin now ! Right now ! Because the now is the only time you ever really have . " My throat was too tight to breathe . " I let my moment pass . I 'm stuck in a now that never ends , the man I want living with someone else . Before that happened , I should have acted , " Tano told me , and I saw tears in the corners of his eyes . " Don 't waste your now , your chance . " The hat slowly absorbed water , growing darker . The big white A on the front sank lower as it absorbed tears . When it was full of them , it fell below the surface . Feeling as if I were drowning , I gasped in salt air . " You can only tread water so long before the misery will pull you under . It 's not sink or swim . It 's sink or fly . " The hat was gone . Could I cast off my outer self as easily as he cast away my hat ? I inhaled again and relaxed my fists . " I only like men , " Tano reminded me . He came to me , wrapping his arms around my waist . I felt his dick against my thigh . He kissed me , and it was like kissing the sea . I tasted the salt on his mouth and felt the tug of his chapped skin over my smooth lips . His skin was hot from the sun . By Lisabet SaraiJune is officially GLBT Pride month , so I thought we should celebrate at the Grip by discussing same - sex relationships . Since I bored everyone last week with my personal BDSM confessions , I don 't think I 'll talk about my own limited but precious same - sex experiences . Instead , I 'll focus on writing same - sex erotica and erotic romance . I 've published a fair amount of M / M and F / F material , including my most recent novel Necessary Madness and my story " Rush Hour " in D . L . King 's Lambda finalist collection Where the Girls Are . As I mentally reviewed my GLBT work , I came to an unexpected realization . More often than not , my same - sex pairs are not exclusively gay or lesbian . My characters may be attracted to someone of their own gender , but they don 't usually identify themselves as an official member of the corresponding homo - erotic community . Quite often , they have some experience with , and even desire for , the opposite sex . Even in my M / M romance ( where , I 've discovered , introducing any M / F interaction can be the kiss of death from a marketing perspective ) a character may have a heterosexual back story . Rob Murphy , the hunky cop in Necessary Madness , is divorced with two kids . He 's primarily interested in other men , but he doesn 't fit completely into the gay pigeon - hole . In my same - sex erotica , bisexual characters are common . My story " Clean Slate " , which will appear in Rachel Kramer Bussel 's upcoming collection Smooth , involves a young woman with a history of gang membership who has become engaged . The emotional trauma of having her gang tattoos removed ( as required by her fiancé ) drives her into the arms of the curvaceous laser therapist who has been erasing the past from her skin . In " Mad Dogs " , my first male - male story , the protagonist finds himself aroused by a gay orgy even though he 's never had a homo - erotic fantasy in his life : The place reeks of fish and rusted iron . Under these raw smells , I catch a whiff of Bom 's sandalwood cologne . He has lapsed into Thai with his cohorts , abandoning any aLisabet Sarai June is national effective - communications month , and as soon as I read that , of course , my mind went to erotic communications . Most of my stories are about characters trying to articulate their desires , not just to each other but also to themselves . In the first piece I had published , ( " Bedrock , " in Set In Stone , Alyson , 2000 ) , a pair of butch lesbian buddies struggle against community norms to say that they want each other . While this doesn 't happen every time I write an erotic story , I got wicked turned on while writing this piece : the moment when someone admits a terrifying desire , when a character speaks what was up until then wholly unspeakable , is my favorite moment in any story . Erotic communication is hot , scary , and transformative stuff : saying , clearly , what we want , in the moment that we want it - not to get all heavy on you , but that 's the stuff of liberation . In 8 years of leading erotic writing workshops , what I 've found is that once we learn to do that about our sex , we find it more compelling to say what we want for and in other parts of our lives as well : at the office , from our friend - love relationships , with our families - erotic honesty has that kind of ripple effect . There are so many walls built around us clearly articulating our desires , so when we cross those societally - sustained boundaries by saying what we want / need / are curious about , something opens in us . We have freed ourselves to risk - and though maybe it never gets easy , I think the first times are the hardest . Dorothy Allison , in an interview with Michael Rowe ( in Writing Below the Belt ( Richard Kasak Books , 1995 ) , says , " Sexually , I have a fetish about truth telling . It does help in my work . I find it profoundly arousing to watch somebody struggle to articulate their desires . One of the things my girlfriend and I say [ … ] is that you can have anything you want if you have the courage to ask for it . But having that courage to ask for it , wow ! So we set up situations where you can have anything , honey - you just have to be able to ask for it " ( p . 18 ) . Jaden has put her in front of him , on the shaggy old rust - colored couch , and Cara 's hair falls , mussed and fair , around her flushed cheeks . He says , " Say it again . " Then a pause . " Please . " " But I want to hear you say it , Jaden , " she continues . " You have to tell me . " She throbs hot , rough , with the speaking of it . The dim light in her Haight flat grows shallow as the summer fog rolls in outside . When they 'd been girlfriends , though at first the sex was molten , J - wouldn 't speak , refused to say what s / he wanted . Refused to admit s / he ached . It 'd made Cara crazy with the echoing silences inside her , and she longed to physically pry open J - 's mouth , force the words out . She could deal with being shoved around , as long as she 'd been asked for it - but the silent , intense fucking they did made her feel like she was in high school still , and she was ready to be a grown up . So she 'd left . Three years later , it 's Jaden , not J - , here across from her , sitting on the ottoman . He opens his thin , red lips ; his fingertips shake . " I want to - " His voice high , thin , he clears his throat . Begins again . Deeper . Steady . " I 'm going to stand and drop these pants . I want you to stay right there . I want you to look at me , then I want you to take me in your mouth , Cara . " Jaden stands then , a little unsteady , his hands still on his belt . He knocks the ottoman back a bit on the scratched hardwood floor with the heels of his worn boots . He unbuckles and unzips and drops , and Cara has before her again those thighs , that fur , that she 'd known and not known , had ached for and barely been allowed to look at , let alone stroke with hands or tongue . His cock sits small and hard , new , nothing reconstructed , just released finally by T and Jaden 's own need . The flanks that had been flush and rounded are now covered over with denser hair , were newly angular . Cara doesn 't want to mourn for what was lost , just lets that recognition wash through her , then she raises her eyes to Jaden 's face . He watches her , doesn 't know what to do with his hands , has never asked anyone to taste his flesh . Not ever . The street noises get thick outside the windows as nighttime crowds in around the edges of their silence . Cara holds her tongue , her mouth flooding . Jaden wants to do this , right , wants her mouth all around him . Cara lets herself fall forward , just in front of his boots , onto her hands . Slips off the couch , then pushes back up onto her knees , thighs , snags her hair out of her eyes . She doesn 't drop her mouth open . Not yet . But wants to . She can smell him , like an echo of his old musk with this new self lanced through , not chemically , exactly , but heavy . She wants that scent all over her face . He says , " Now - now . Put your hands on either side of my cock . Like , on my thighs . " His voice is wavery , like he had to push it through glass to slow it down . She grins against her wet teeth , lips slipping open easy . She puts her hands , finally , there on Jaden 's body , tries not to think of J - , not on the slipping thumbs in , pressing open . Jaden puts his hands on her face , then , pushes her hair back . I want to get you ready . " He puts his thumbs between her lips , then draws out her saliva , that thick wet , and spreads it across her lips , holds her jaw open . " No , stay just like that " when she tries to move in , close her mouth around his flesh , suck hard , claim what was finally his and about to be hers . " You have to tell me you 're ready , Cara , " he grins a little , that flash - sharp cheek - splitting grin J - used to give her , and she doesn 't tear up . Her cunt drops open with joy . She says , " I 'm ready . You might not be , though , " and grins herself . They hold each other that way , gazing back and forth at past and now , just for a moment . She lets him lead her open mouth onto his hot , tight flesh , she suctions on with a fierce kind of desperation to the root of him , and listens as he finally cries out for want of more of her touch , for more of her mouth , for more - Bio : Jen Cross is a writer , performer , facilitator , and femme dyke incest survivor . Her writing appears in over thirty anthologies and periodicals , including Make / Shift , Nobody Passes , Visible : A Femmethology ( Vol . 1 ) , Best Sex Writing 2008 , Best Women 's Erotica 2007 , and many more . She tours with the Body Heat Femme Porn Tour , for which she 's produced two chapbooks : unconsummated and pink and devastating . She 's featured at such Bay Area literary events as Femina Potens ' Sizzle , Writers With Drinks , the National Queer Arts Festival , Perverts Put Out , the Queer Open Mic , and LitQuake 's LitCrawl . Jen has facilitated sexuality and survivors writing workshops since 2002 , and leads workshops at Writing Ourselves Whole in San Francisco and at colleges and organizations across the country . She received her MA in Transformative Language Arts from Goddard College , and is a certified facilitator of the Amherst Writers & Artists method . Visit writingourselveswhole . org to learn more ! Humans are social creatures . We are communicators by nature , signaling to each out our wants , needs , desires and affection with words , lingering glances , soft touches , and so much more . We are capable of conveying so much with each other . We are also marvelously capable of miscommunication . It 's enough to make you wonder if any other animals can truly mess things up on the scale that humans can . After all , how many birds in the rain forest , screeching a warning about a snake , are actually calling out that a leopard is about to pounce ? Yet we can manage to say something , have it mean one thing , and have it interpreted as something completely different quite well . I marvel at those who are capable of making themselves perfectly understood all the time . Because I have been married twelve years , and we lived together two years before that , and we still have miscommunications rearing their ugly heads from time to time . And we understand either other normally . Perfect strangers ? I gave up a long time ago on trying to have completely synchronous conversations . They can take what they want from the conversation . I 've learned from years of working with the public , that human communication is less about the words you use , and more about what the other person wants to think that you said . If someone is spoiling for a fight , they will twist anything you say , regardless of tone , word choice , body language , etc . Likewise , if someone wants to read something sexual into your words , they will . One of the authors at the Erotica Readers and Writers Association , a guest to the blog a few weeks back - Mike Kimera , had a tagline on his emails that has always stuck with me . It said : " What you read is not what I wrote . I supply the text , you supply the meaning . " To me , truly effective communication is having the person I am talking to on the same page enough that their interpretation of my words matches my meaning when I said them . Beyond that … it 's all a matter of did they warn you about a snake ? Or a leopard ? Me , I 'm gonna look around fPosted by by Ashley ListerOne of the biggest revelations I had during my years as a mature student came when we were introduced to Gricean Maxims and the Cooperative Principle . I took linguistics by accident . There were a lot of boxes on the form and my pen was leaking . All it took was a dribble of ink in the wrong place , and the next thing I knew : I was sitting through a series of lectures discussing Politeness Theory , Pragmatics and , of course , Grice 's Cooperative Principle . Grice , a renowned sociolinguist and philosopher , said : " Make your contribution such as it is required , at the stage at which it occurs , by the accepted purpose or direction of the talk exchange in which you are engaged . " It 's a wordy quote , and starts to drift into obscurity before it 's completely finished . The whole thing could be adroitly summarised with the words ' Talk properly and be nice . ' Grice seemed to realise this because he produced four maxims to explain how communication should ( and invariably does ) occur . According to Grice , effective communication comes about through each utterance observing ( at least ) one of the following maxims : The maxim of quality - is it true ? The maxim of quantity - is too much being said ? Or too little ? The maxim of relation - is it appropriate ? Is it a non sequitur ? The maxim of manner - is it clear ? I 'm not going to prattle on about Grice for much longer . I just wanted to share my joy from when I took this lesson and discovered how true and useful the whole theory could be . It 's proved especially useful for me as a writer because , when I 'm putting words into the mouths of characters , I can now see how to make exchanges seem more credible . A : Do you own a red shirt ? B : Yes . If B owns a red shirt , then the conversation has been successful and none of the maxims have been flouted or violated and there are no hidden implicatures in the exchange . Quality has been observed because B has told the truth . Quantity has been observed because B has given sufficient information . It 's a clear and approprPosted by There 's this fantasy I 've had for practically my whole life , okay ? This is a real fantasy I 'm sharing . Dig . When I was a kid around 16 or 17 I used to mow lawns for money around the neighborhood . There was this one woman , Mabel Krause , something like that . German . I would say looking back she was around her mid or late fifties , probably dead by now . She had a tall , matronly body with teutonic Wagnerian boobs swaying under tight sweaters , even in the summer . Well , you see it coming already . I mow the lawn . Its hot . She 's there . She 's horny and bored . She has a secret thing for young men as I have always had a thing for older women . Time to pay for the lawn . This of course is where it always varies . Just as jazz musicians like to toss off a melody and then noodle around with a dozen variations of it , there are dozens of thrilling variations of what happens after she opens the door and invites me in to offer me payment for the lawn work . After all , an older woman knows when a young man is sneaking stares at her chest , even when he tries to hide it . And after all , there are more memorable ways to thank him for a job well done besides mere money . One of these variations goes like this . Payment . Well , young man , there are many ways of payment . I can give you five dollars ( This was many years ago . The rates have gone up . ) or I can offer you something else . Ohh , I bleat , wide eyed and calf like . Like what , Mrs . Krause ? She pulls her sweater off over her head and tosses it in a fetchingly bitchy manner over her shoulder as she shakes out her hair . She unbuttons the top buttons of her blouse and takes a deep breath or so . Let 's go into the other room . It 's cooler there . This is the time of day I like to take a nap . Would you like to take a nap too ? Okay and then this and that , which ends up in a predictable manner unless I can think of an unpredictable manner . But after its done , basking in the sweaty glow on top of the bed spread , I the too young - barely legal man say " You know . About what just happened . I Posted by
|
Gillian 's back was killing her lately - - she was far along into her pregnancy by this time and her third pregnancy seemed a lot harder on her than either of the first two . Ryan was a good boy but he sometimes seemed to Gillian to be a little crankier than Robby had been at that age . " Or maybe it 's just me who 's crankier , " she muttered . Robby was still devoted to his father . He greeted Jeremy everyday when he got home from work - - running clear out to the sidewalk from wherever he was playing . Gillian had told Jeremy he 'd best enjoy it because once Robby became a teenager there was no guaranteeing that he 'd want to be with his dad as much , if at all . So Jeremy did try to spending as much time with Robby as he could , but he also made a renewed effort to give attention to Ryan , who would be having a birthday soon . Many people said that in Pleasantview babies , like vampires , always seemed to show up after dark . The new twins , Stephen and Sabrina , were no exception in that regard . In fact it was the very middle of the night when Gillian experienced those familiar pains . " Well , Mom wanted six grandchildren - - then she upped it to an even dozen , " Gillian grinned at Jeremy as they cuddled the new babies , " All I can say is I 've done my part . I love all four of our children , but I 'm ready to say ' enough ' after this . " Ryan might have seemed cranky to Gillian at times , but most family and friends who knew him thought he was very amiable , though quieter than Robby . He could get upset at times but it was really because he lived in his imagination so much and focused so hard at play that reality intruding could unnerve him a bit . Early on he showed a definite preference for any animal toys like his " horsie " , and he absolutely adored his teddy bear . He never mishandled , hit or chewed on " Blue Bear " , as he called him , and for a toddler that was very good indeed . Time went by , Gillian was very busy with Ryan and the babies . Jeremy and Robby did more bonding . When it was at last time for Ryan 's birthday Gillian cuddled him and helped him blow out the candles . Now that he was of age , Ryan couldn 't wait to begin school and go on the bus with his brother . He was excited that he could play games with Robby , too . The very first day of school he brought home a new friend with him , Liara Hammond . She was quiet and a little shy , like Ryan was with strangers , but once he got to know her he 'd found she was a lot of fun and they played at the activity table and then had a game of Paper - Rock - Scissors . Spaghetti with meatballs was what Gillian usually served for supper when the boys had friends over , the other favorite was macaroni and cheese , of course . Later that same week Robby brought home a friend of his own - - it was Loni Faye , Liara 's big sister , who had been over to the house before . Gillian said that supper would be late tonight so the kids could get some snacks from the refrigerator . Robby knew she was probably thinking along the lines of an apple or a jello cup , but all three of them were really hungry and there was leftover cherry cheesecake and part of a butter cake with chocolate frosting . So he served up the desserts to his brother and his schoolfriend . Afterward Loni Faye said with a particularly sweet smile that she couldn 't think of a better supper - - how clever of Robby . He had a little bit of a crush on her so when she said that to him his face grew pink and he tried to think of another way to impress her . Whispering in her ear he suggested that they play " Red Hands " . Ryan thought that whenever Robby glanced at Loni Faye his expression was decidedly stupid , but he kept his opinion to himself for the time being . After all , Ryan liked Loni Faye fine and he liked Liara , too , but come on - - they were girls . Girls could be fun to play with , but to Ryan they were kind of silly at times . What was wrong with Robby , anyway ? Ryan didn 't say anything to Gillian or Jeremy so they could not explain to him that Robby was growing up , that was all . Now , Loni Faye was a very neat and orderly child ( as well as outgoing and precocious ) and before going home she visited the guest bathroom at the Blackford house . Not only did she use the toilet , she also took a shower to wash off the day 's grime and then wiped down the shower stall afterward and scrubbed the sink . Robby quickly hugged her goodbye just as her mother 's car pulled up out front , which disgusted Ryan so thoroughly he went upstairs to go to bed early , making gagging noises as he went . Gillian decided to start her Christmas shopping the next week . She was most surprised to see her Aunt Heather working behind the cash register at Inner Child Toys , but Heather said she was squirreling away as much money as possible to cover side expenses when Scotti Lynn went off to college . She and Scott had a fund for Scotti Lynn 's tuition and books , of course , but this extra cash would give her spending money and extra clothes . Unfortunately for Gillian , Heather was still very new at being a cashier and took a long time to check Gillian out that day . On the bright side , Gillian was able to purchase a lot of items for the kids . Now she would have to figure out a new place to hide them . She was pretty sure that Robby had found where they were in the back of the master bedroom closet last year . Things had looked disturbed when she went to wrap the gifts . Maybe she 'd try the attic , tucked behind one of the big trunks - - and wrapping them first would probably not be a bad idea , either . She 'd also have to warn her oldest son that she was aware he 'd snooped in the past and it had better not happen again . Not if he wanted to have some of the things on his Christmas list , anyway . Yes , she definitely was the one who was getting crankier , she decided , it must " hormones - gone - crazy - due - to - having - twins " syndrome . She 'd have to get advice from her sister , Margo . . . Saturday morning breakfasts were usually a big family meal of pancakes or omelets , but this morning Gillian was busy bathing babies and the men in the family had to fend for themselves . So they ate left - over pancakes and omelets . Jeremy told Gillian he thought it was important that Robby and Ryan should learn how to prepare meals using the microwave anyway . She rolled her eyes and said , It was a great birthday he thought and he hugged his mother on his way upstairs to check himself out in the mirror . Washing his hair and using a blow dryer he was pretty happy with the outcome , same hair style , just fluffier , really . He wondered how Loni Faye 's birthday would be and how she would change - - he knew it was coming pretty soon . Robby changed things around in the bedroom he shared with Ryan , who was all about science , space and science fiction , while Robby was all about sports . He did still love quiet pursuits , though , like stamp collecting and learning to craft things and tinker - - learning what makes things tick . So he kept his interests mostly to his side of the room and Ryan had all his space stuff on the other side . They met in the middle with their desks . Ryan and Jeremy went up to the third floor to play the pinball machines there . When Robby could tear himself away from the mirror he sat on the floor in his bedroom to play a sports video game on his new player . Just because he could . Later Gillian joined Ryan and Jeremy on the third floor where her sewing machine was . If she worked at it maybe she would become good enough to sew outfits for the twins when they became toddlers . One evening John Lassiter strolled by the Ferguson home while Shep was fishing in the pond so he called to John and invited him in for a game of " DWTL " and a double - pork chop dinner . John 's youngest daughter , Lori , was married to their youngest son , Harvey , so not only were they long time friends and neighbors they were also relatives . They asked him how his wife , Melora , was doing and were surprised to find out that she was working part - time at the Flowers By Chelsea shop in town . She 'd taken classes on flower arranging and enjoyed it very much . With all their children out of the house , Melora was bored so she was eager to work for a while again . So John had time on his hands ; hence the " walkabout " in Pleasantview that day . Madeleine was a very good cook ; almost as good as Melora Lassiter , and she 'd been thinking for some time of entering into the competition at Sue 's Secret Kitchen . Melora had encouraged her to give it a try so Madeleine began making a number of her best recipes to see which one she would use to compete . Crown roast of pork was one of the first ones she made to Shep 's great delight ; because that was his favorite meal . In fact , she had given the recipe to Lori just before Christmas . Madeleine also grilled often so on various days she prepared Stuffed Golden Trout , Stuffed Rainbow Trout and her special Barbequed Ribs . The ribs recipe had been handed down in her family for three generations - - Gillian used it all the time . Madeleine was also considering entering a cake or pie in the dessert competition eventually , after she got the nerve to enter one of her savory dishes . Debbie , too , was more and more interested in learning to cook . She could make grilled cheese sandwiches and macaroni and cheese , but she wanted to learn to make chili and spaghetti and especially double chops the way her mother did . Madeleine continued to think about it but , for the time being , she didn 't feel she was ready to compete at Sue 's Secret Kitchen . Last fall Shep spent a good deal of time raking leaves ; a more strenuous job than some might think . Madeleine kept telling him to " take it easy and don 't try to do so much in a day , you 're not as young as you used to be . " This only made him grumpy , of course . Shep was hardly ever in an ill mood , so she tried not to remind him too often . Still , she had read that many seniors had heart attacks while either shoveling snow or raking leaves , so she kept an eye on him when she could . After some discussion regarding the cramped conditions in the art studio - - which had been on the 2nd floor in Nicky 's old room for a couple years now - - Shep decided Madeleine should have a sewing room of her own on the third floor . It would be in the room that the kids used to use to work out in when they were little and now it just held a second exercise machine . Mostly they used the machine on the 2nd floor in the hall , anyway . So they stored the second exercise machine for the time being in the attic and - - with help from Debbie - - moved Madeleine 's antique sewing machine and table up to the 3rd floor room at the top of the stairs . Madeleine loved the room - - there was space for everything she needed . She not only liked sewing clothes from patterns , but designing and making her own patterns and now there was room for both pursuits . Many happy hours would be spent in this room in the future . On Friday nights Debbie usually spent time with her female friends . Often they 'd go cruising or to the movies , or sometimes they went skating or to the Arcade and frequently the next afternoon was spent with them as well . Of course , boys could be counted on to show up during these occasions , but not always . Somehow on this Friday night she 'd ended up with no plans . Saturday nights she usually had a date but surprisingly no one had asked her out , either . Feeling glum about the weekend in general and desperate for some socializing she went on up to the Arcade again Friday around 7 pm . When no one was there that was her age she called Jessamyn Blackford to come up to meet her . Jessamyn did so , but no sooner did she come in the door and look around then she muttered she had to go and did just that . Debbie was irritated and headed to Wonderland Skate Rink but there were hardly any teens there either . In fact , there was practically no one there at all . What a dreary Friday night . Debbie went on back home and brooded in her bedroom , writing down her frustration in her diary . An idea occurred to her and she phoned Jessamyn again . " What was the idea tonight ? You came in and then ducked out immediately , " before Jessamyn could answer she went on , " Listen , Jess , if you 'll pick me up tonight - - late tonight - - I 'll come out and we can go cruising and I 'll actually forgive you for being so mean to me at the Arcade . Do not honk the horn . " " I wasn 't trying to be mean - - it was just that I don 't like the manager there , he 's too friendly , always trying to joke with me and he creeps me out . I mean , he must be 30 ! And when I came in he was looking at me weird and I could see he was going to come over to me . I couldn 't explain to you then . " " Well , okay , like I said I 'll forgive you if you come by here around 1 in the morning when my parents are asleep . I need a little adventure and sneaking out late at night would be way more fun than than an afternoon at the Arcade anyway . " So when Jessamyn arrived Debbie was lurking on the porch in the dark and she sprinted out to the car . Hours later she crept up the walk as quietly as she could and managed to avoid detection . This time . Jessamyn often came over on Saturday mornings and had breakfast with Debbie while they discussed what their plans should be for the day . Sometimes they went shopping or over to see another of their friends , like Lisa Trottier Goth , or Scotti Lynn Ferguson . Jessamyn 's twin sister , Janice , sometimes came along , too , but her part - time job at Le Magnifique usually kept her busy on Saturday afternoons so she mostly went with them at night . More and more , as her senior year went on , Debbie daydreamed about the day she would leave for college . She could see herself getting in the taxi while Madeline waved goodbye sadly . Would her parents miss her much ? She knew she would be very homesick at first , and it really wouldn 't be too much longer before it was time to go away to school . She hoped to go to Sim State University , the same college Harvey and Holly had graduated from a few years ago . Shep and Madeleine were debating though , if they let her go there they wanted to be sure she did not stay at the dorm where those murders had once occurred . It sounded fascinating to Debbie - - at least from this distance - - but surely there could not still be strange things going on at Landgraab Dorm ? Perhaps she would try Pinenut dorm instead . She had to make up her mind soon . . . I wear many " hats " . I 'm an aging baby - boomer , former hair stylist , oldest child of 6 , part - owner of family business , retired customer service rep , single woman . Vapid , yet compassionate ; easily distracted yet prone to hyper - focus ; a hermit , yet outgoing ; tart , yet sweet ; pumpernickel , yet rye .
|
So you may recall that a few weeks ago , I told you I had big news . Really big news . Life changing news . Then I totally didn 't tell you what it was . Remember that ? ? ? Instead I posted the picture of me that woke me up and started me on this crazy journey . Well , no more pictures instead of news . Today , I get to tell you . Are you bursting with curiosity yet ? It turns out , about 8 months ago , I submitted an article to be considered for submission . To a real bonafide nationally subscribed to magazine . The Proverbs 31 Magazine . And now , it turns out that you all may need to run to their site and get a subscription . Cause I 'm gonna be in it ! YEP ! The article I submitted is going to be published in March of next year ! Which is HUGE ! ! ! This is my first national publication . EVER . And I couldn 't be more pleased that it is in the P31 Woman . Cause those girls at P31 ? ? ? Freaking awesome . All of them . Now , I 'm spilling the beans that am I 'm going to lie to myself . Perhaps that is a bit irrational , especially considering that I am getting published in a Christian women 's magazine . But hear me out before you judge . There 's a reason for my madness . See , I have been looking for some motivation to really keep myself on my toes with the diet . Something to kick me in the seat of the diet pants . So , here 's the lie I 'm telling myself . Cause I already know that it isn 't going to happen . What if . . . . ( and stick with me here ) . . . what if I worked on really losing weight because they will need someone for the cover of the issue ? ( Cause let 's be real . Your old pal Charlie here is NOT magazine cover material . ) However , if I keep that thought in the back of my head for the next 4 months , then maybe it will be just the motivation I have needed to get me down the next 15 pounds . And it might make me work extra hard . At this point , I am so desperate to finally hit the land of 160 's that I will lie to myself all day long if I have to ! OK , I really need to go to bed , cause it 's 2 in the morning , and I have been sewing show choir costumes for 4 days straight . That ' The Incredible Shrinking Woman Dear Motivation - ( I apologize to you readers that I write so many letters to people and inanimate things . I do have a habit of it … Note to self , Mother Nature . . . but it really makes sense to me to write letters and put things out there . Helps me travel emotionally and leads me to breakdowns … I meant breakthroughs ! ! ! ! Ahem , I better start over . ) Dear Motivation - Hi there , old friend . I know that you will read this when you get back , because I think you are on vacation . Ever since I got the flu a few weeks ago , you have been mysteriously absent in my life . While this was not a pre - approved vacation , I do understand . You have been working overtime for a year , putting in extra hours , standing strong in the face of French fries , sweating bullets when it should have been your day off … you 've done a fantastic job this year . Bravo ! So I know that you needed a break . But it seems that we are right on the cusp of a break through , and I don 't think that now is the best time for you to slack off ! I mean , Thanksgiving is in a few days . I know that most people will be taking a holiday then , and you deserve that day above anyone else . But here 's the thing . That is the hardest day for me . And I will need you . Because that 's when all the yummy food comes to the table and I find myself going back for seconds . And thirds . And dessert . Heaven help me , the desserts … But in all seriousness , we have some huge hurdles to overcome in the next month . I would like to say that I ended the year at a 73 pound loss . And that means that I have got to shed a few more pounds . 73 pounds will put me midway in the land of 160 's , a land I have not seen in years . I know that once the new year arrives , I 'll be all gung ho again ( simply the nature of this beast ) but we have got to get moving on getting to 165 . Just 6 more pounds . I am so close that I can feel it ! But could we really drop 6 pounds during the holiday season ? I think that we better come prepared . And there is only one cure I know of for this predicament . Thanksgiving and ChristmPosted by So today , I had to run to the store because Matt used the last of the coffee . And didn 't tell me we were out . Which would have been fine , except …… . I woke up this morning groggy and tired , so I reheated the leftover cuppa joe from yesterday by turning the coffee pot on , and sat down to answer an email or two while it warmed up . Meanwhile , my darling husband woke up , went to the kitchen , saw the coffee pot was on , assumed that I had already gotten my coffee , and took the last cup that was warming up . ( NOTE - He adds protein powder to his coffee . Bleeeeck ! ) He sits down beside me on the couch with his steaming hot cup of coffee , takes a sip and smiles lovingly at me . I look up and say " Was that the coffee I was warming up in the pot ? " M : " Uh , " ( insert uncomfortable silence here ) " maybe . I think so . You can have my cup . " C : " Did you add protein powder to it ? " M : " Oh , gosh darn it , I did . Sorry ! " C : " That 's ok . I 'll just go make a fresh pot . " M : " Well , I used the last of the coffee yesterday morning . " C : " Why didn 't you tell me ? " M : " I forgot . " C : " I see …..” ( insert long uncomfortable silence here with me shooting daggers . ) M : " You can have my cup of coffee . It doesn 't taste that bad . " C : " No thanks . I guess I 'll just run to the store . " M : " Ok , " ( insert nervous giggle here ) " sorry about that babe . " * Note the tone I shall try to convey with the phrase I say next . In your head it should sound disappointed , irritated , and with the inflection of responsibility for said disappointment and irritability . Also slightly perturbed with a heaping ( empty coffee ) cup full of highly annoyed . C : " Mmmmm hmmmmm . " Let me add that I am a PMSing monger right now . ( I got a new iphone for my job , and I downloaded an application that tells me when my next period will be . So you guys are no longer responsible for reading about it because I never remember to write it on the calendar . I now have an app for that . And unless something profoundly ridiculous happens , I won 't have to shPosted by Today is the day that all my hard work and drama pays off . Today is Mary 's Giving Up on a Perfect Thanksgiving . And the sole reason I made the Turkey tutorial . Next week , I will get back to talking about dieting and weight and all the usual stuff . But for today , it 's all about Tom the Turkey for me . So those of you who have linked over here from Mary 's blog , you are probably interested in reading the Turkey Trilogy . Which are the 3 posts below . One is the Turkey Tutorial Video . The other 2 are well worth a read . Because stuff like that probably happens to you . I know that this is par for the course for me , but that 's just fine . It 's good blog fodder . So you can read the 3 posts below , in no particular order . Doesn 't really matter , because it 's all about the making of the Turkey Tutorial . If you like what you are reading , make sure to become a follower , over there at the left , and come back for more . I hope you enjoy my Turkey Trilogy . Best wishes for a Happy ( and un - perfect ) Thanksgiving - Charlie For those of you who have come to Operation Shrink Charlie 's Big Butt to see the highly acclaimed Turkey Tutorial ( stepping away from the computer momentarily to avoid the inevitable lightning strike … ) let me warmly welcome you to the blog ! ! ! I promise you that if you are on a diet , ( or need to - but we don 't point fingers here ) you will find OSCBB is a common gathering place for a world of dieters . Which is good , because we can 't meet at the donut shoppe anymore . Too risky . Please explore and wander ' round the new and improved site . ( just got my blog did . Nice , huh ? All the good looking credit goes to April Showers Blog Design . I would say that she is cheap and talented , but that wouldn 't be very polite ! ) The Turkey Tutorial is on the post below this one . But if you have a few minutes , stick around and keep reading this post . I vow on my evil scale that it 's a good and funny one . For those of you who have been here for a while , and are now stalking me ( * cough * April ! ) welcome back , and the post you are about to read is one you are sure to love . Classic Charlie moments below . I want to tell you about behind the scenes of the Turkey Tutorial . You read about my Sunday preparing for the filming of my tutorial , which was a disaster . But what you don 't know is the painful torture I endured to present you with my pathetic ( yet highly amusing ) attempt at a cooking show . The drama of post production . Editing . The cherry on the fat free yogurt sundae . Spraying the hairspray on hair that hasn 't frizzed out yet . I hope you get it because I am stopping the analogies now . Brace yourselves . So Sunday evening , shortly after pulling the turkey out of the oven , my husband kindly offered to edit the video for me , since he 's the computer whiz with the theatre degree - and I accepted . Which was great . I had stuff to do . But when the video he pulled off our digital camera was not converting correctly so he could edit it ( because our camera isn 't meant to be a camcorder but it works in a pinch ) , he got frustrated . And hPosted by I know that the size may make my commentaries ( aka smart alec remarks about myself ) hard to read . The end should be fine , so I just posted the first part on Youtube , and then search for Charliegirl2490 . Have fun watching my Turkey Tutorial ! ! ! Then go check out Giving Up on Perfect as my bloggy friend Mary prepares to " Give Up on a Perfect Thanksgiving ! " ( And the video quality is not great . Can you imagine the fun I could have with an HD video camera ? Santa , please leave THAT under my tree ! ! ! ) OK , the perfect turkey video is now in the throws of editing and should be done Monday night sometime . The turkey is made and it is DEELISH ! ! ! ! But behind the scenes of the " Turkey Tutorial " , things were not exactly going my way . At all . Besides the fact that I didn 't have time to write out and memorize a script ( so I am winging it the whole way . And you can totally tell ) I realized from the moment I purchased the bird that the odds were against me . I was looking for a 15 pound turkey . Apparently that is a very popular size by way of Thanksgiving , because I couldn 't find one . Searched 2 different stores , and I finally gave up and got a 12 pounder . A little puny , but it would have to do . While purchasing the bird , I found these nifty turkey flippers that help support the turkey while lifting it up . Last year I almost scalded my hand off , so I decided the flippers were a wise investment indeed . But when I got home , they were no where to be found . I left them at walmart . Or lost them on the way home . I have no clue where they went ! Then , being home , I got bra - less and in my comfy pants , when I realized that I had forgotten to purchase honey for my recipe . So I put off the tutorial recording from Saturday to Sunday . The family was bummed out , but they still knew they were getting a turkey soon , so they eventually settled down . I went back to the store to purchase honey Sunday afternoon , and got everything lined up for filming . Except there was one problem . I had forgotten to pick up a disposable roasting pan . SHOOT ! ! ! ! ! Trip number 3 to the store , and of course it was raining . I had already done my hair and makeup , so the rain gave my makeup an " Alice Cooper " effect . It also gave my hair a " North Carolina in August fighting severe humidity " effect . Trying to save the last strands of hope for my hair and makeup , I ran across the parking lot in the pouring rain . And that was when I heard something drop . My phone . In a puddle . In 2 parts . I bent down to pick it up , and the car that wasn 't paying attention ( because she was talking oPosted by I have to make this short and sweet , because I have a sick kid home with me . Again . So much for being over the flu … Old business : It came to my attention that in my " artificial unintelligent state " ( that being my trashy bleached blonde hair ) I totally forgot to announce the winner of the Sentsy Giveaway . Sigh . Sorry folks . I 'm not super good at making big to - do 's unless I lost a pound or something . ( 172 and holding , FYI ) And the winner is - drum roll please - Rebecca ! ! ! Also known as Cross . Her name was drawn from a hat here at the Triple H ( Happy Hester Headquarters ) , and I couldn 't be more pleased ! She 's been with us from the beginning . Yep , the Yoga Incident was the thing that sealed our friendship forever . ( Ok , possibly it was that I assisted at her ahhhhhmazing wedding with my SIL Julia , but the blog has definitely maintained the friendship . ) Congrats Cross ! Your stuff should be here shortly . I 'll even gift wrap it . Ok realistically it will be in a gift bag . But HOORAY ! Next order of business … folks , I have exactly $ 7 bucks in our joint savings account . The time has come for me to get a job . So I have found an opportunity that fits the bills . Most of them . I think . Starting next week , I 've got to focus on that instead of blogging and facebooking first . Because I just couldn 't figure out a way to have that be a cash cow for me . If you know of some super top secret opportunity to get me enough for a down payment on a house , share it with me ASAP . I will still be around , but I may have to cut it down to a few posts less a week . I 'll still be faithfully yours , just from 8pm to 11pm . Does it suck ? Yep . But am I ok with it ? Amazingly I am . Finally , in New Business . . . this weekend , in order to show off my turkey making skills , I will be making a " Turkey Tutorial . " In the spirit of Thanksgiving , I will share with you my secrets of making a super easy super deelish bird that will impress even the grumpiest of mother in laws . ( Mine is great , BTW . I lucked out on this one . ) There will be a video . So Posted by A new reader , Stephanie , made this comment recently on a previous post : " your stories aren 't really the traditional , church lady devos , are they ? " I almost peed my pants with this comment . How right you are , Stephanie , how right you are ! ! ! And today is a perfect example of that fact . Because I 'll be talking a little about my faith . And the diet . And the flu . I promise this will not discuss puke in detail . I may , however , address it in generalities . As you all know , things have been mighty interesting around here . We have been dealing with flu . Not the swine kind . Just the regular ' ole body achin , tummy quaking , intestine shakin flu . It 's not by anyone 's fault ( I am not blaming my husband who works in a hospital ) ( or the children who sneeze on MY children at school and pass this nasty stuff ) ( Or the parents who send their sick kids KNOWINGLY to school because they need to go to work instead of letting their kids stay home ) but regardless , with it being no one in particular 's fault , we got it . Oh my , did we get it . Today , everyone seems to be OK . Not great , but OK . Everyone ate a reasonable amount of food for breakfast . Everyone brushed teeth without incident . Everyone grumbled about hating mornings and asked " WHEN are we gonna homeschool ? " So it seemed pretty normal . Except everyone still looks a little peckish . Just 2 shades whiter than they ought to . But the kids , who didn 't really want more makeup homework than necessary , voted to try school today . Therefore , being the fantastic mom that I am , I let them go , with disclaimers to teachers , secretaries , and gym teachers . There are conditions to being back at school . Like … 1 . No running . I don 't want people getting overheated . I don 't want headaches to come back with a vengeance , nor do I want tummies to start hurting . 2 . If anyone , for any reason , starts acting ill , they get to come home . 3 . The school is to call me if there 's any problem . I don 't care what it is , they are gonna call . Because the flu is nothing to sneeze at . ( groan ) It 's something that Posted by Today I have a little boy home with me . He 's got a temperature , he 's throwing up , and is mostly miserable , except he is well enough to appreciate that he is watching cartoons while laying on the couch and Mom is at his beck and call . ( Or bucket and call . ) If you are sick , you aren 't supposed to be grinning . Last night , as some of you may have read on facebook , Tim came up to me and said ( quite jovially , I might add ) " Hey mom , I think I am going to blow some chunks tonight . " Then he smiled this huge Cheshire Cat smile at me . And to be honest , we have too many kids round here crying wolf about being sick . Someone is always hurt , or coughing , or has a booger . Someone 's legs are always growing and hurting , or someone has the hiccups . ( Which is a seriously crippling condition around here . Hiccups mean that you have a valid excuse to try and get out of doing chores . It 's an epidemic . ) So when Tim told me he was feeling yucky , he didn 't LOOK like he was feeling bad . He seemed pretty happy about it . Like he was excited to get flu . Or maybe it was because he wanted to stay home and watch TV all day without big sisters controlling the remote . Anyway you look at it , he knew something was wrong . But he still smiled . So maybe I 'm the one who is looking at things all wrong . Maybe grinning is the answer . Perhaps we need to focus on why laughter makes things better when life stinks . Like with dieting . Some of the best moments through this diet were fraught with mayhem and hilarity . Like all my yoga experiences . Or disasters with gas . And of course , when my exercise ball went flying in the air like a rocket in the packed gym at the YMCA . All of those moments , embarrassing as they may be , have spurred me on to keep going . Because they really are funny . And laughing sure beats crying about it . Now , I want to know what your funny experiences are . I can 't be the only one around here providing entertainment , you know . I 've given you songs and stories . Now it 's your turn . Tell me about the stuff that you gone through on yPosted by Once upon a time there was a girl held captive . She was in a prison of her own mind , a dark lonely room with no sunshine or happiness . She was desperate to break free . Her cruel guard was a small , lying , conniving , evil metal box . It showed magical numbers that could elate her within this prison , or draw her deeper into the forgotten corners . This girl knew nothing else except that she wanted - NEEDED - to get out . She had heard about others breaking free , but never had the courage to run for herself . It was too hard . The path wasn 't clear how far away her liberty would be , or how she could even find the way . She had encountered myths and legends about finding freedom : Grapefruits , 6 week body makeovers , some woman named Jenny ( who charged lots and lots of gold for freedom ) , and even going on a hunger strike . All of these options might lead her away for a while , but she knew that eventually she would find herself right back in this same spot . One day , when her prison became too much to wear … I mean bear . . . she decided that she would try something new . She would find her own wings , watch for the right time , and get out of this hell hole called obesity . For the next year , she tried many different variations of the wings . Over time , and by a process of elimination , she discovered ways to lose the fat chains , get proper nutrition , and gained stamina instead of fat rolls . Her wings were finally starting to come together ! And that 's when something magical happened . A window appeared , looking out from the confined spaces of her mind . And as her wings grew stronger , the window started growing larger and larger , while she got healthier , happier , and smaller . Pretty soon , she was ready to leave her prison for good ( as she could finally fit out of the window that had appeared ! ) . But just as she was about to venture out for freedom , she noticed something quite peculiar . She could see other girls , JUST LIKE HER , trying to jump to their own freedoms . And it was awful . The moment they jumped ( head first ) , they thudded on the groundPosted by Dear Charlie - Yes , you are writing a letter to yourself today . This is a letter for you to read in a year . Because if you could have written yourself a letter for beginning of this weight loss journey , standing where you are today , you would be so encouraged ! I just know it ! So , I have to tell you a few things about the last leg of this diet , and why you are going to stick with it . First of all , you are strong enough . I know that everybody teases you about being flakey , and never sticking with anything very long , especially diets - but this is a journey that you are going to walk with a quiet confidence and endurance . You have already conquered a whole year , and look at the changes you have made ! Can you believe the difference so far ? And although you are over half way to your goal , the changes are only going to get better from here . ( And ignore the fact that your hair was totally uncooperative last night so you threw a crappy ponytail in and gave up , even though it was sticking up and looks yucky . ) Remember that first day on the treadmill when you were huffing and puffing at walking 2 miles ? And remember how proud you felt about that 2 miles ? Well , sister , you kept going . You kept pushing the distance . And now you can walk 8 miles without cramps or falling over . What will you be saying in a year ? Will you be able to walk 15 miles then ? ? ? Maybe . But all the flakey nature in you ceases when it comes to taking back your body . You have proven that even though it is one of the toughest things you have done , you are capable . And remember how you could never imagine a life without 2 liters of Coke every day and Papa John 's Pizza ? Now , a little over halfway to the finish line , you don 't even crave Diet Coke . You crave water ! Your body has finally fallen into line with this " clean living " stuff and even though it took a while , you are on the right track . Because you have gone slowly , your body didn 't go into major shock , and you have discovered a diet you can deal with your entire life . Today , weighing 172 and having losThe Incredible Shrinking Woman
|
So you may recall that a few weeks ago , I told you I had big news . Really big news . Life changing news . Then I totally didn 't tell you what it was . Remember that ? ? ? Instead I posted the picture of me that woke me up and started me on this crazy journey . Well , no more pictures instead of news . Today , I get to tell you . Are you bursting with curiosity yet ? It turns out , about 8 months ago , I submitted an article to be considered for submission . To a real bonafide nationally subscribed to magazine . The Proverbs 31 Magazine . And now , it turns out that you all may need to run to their site and get a subscription . Cause I 'm gonna be in it ! YEP ! The article I submitted is going to be published in March of next year ! Which is HUGE ! ! ! This is my first national publication . EVER . And I couldn 't be more pleased that it is in the P31 Woman . Cause those girls at P31 ? ? ? Freaking awesome . All of them . Now , I 'm spilling the beans that am I 'm going to lie to myself . Perhaps that is a bit irrational , especially considering that I am getting published in a Christian women 's magazine . But hear me out before you judge . There 's a reason for my madness . See , I have been looking for some motivation to really keep myself on my toes with the diet . Something to kick me in the seat of the diet pants . So , here 's the lie I 'm telling myself . Cause I already know that it isn 't going to happen . What if . . . . ( and stick with me here ) . . . what if I worked on really losing weight because they will need someone for the cover of the issue ? ( Cause let 's be real . Your old pal Charlie here is NOT magazine cover material . ) However , if I keep that thought in the back of my head for the next 4 months , then maybe it will be just the motivation I have needed to get me down the next 15 pounds . And it might make me work extra hard . At this point , I am so desperate to finally hit the land of 160 's that I will lie to myself all day long if I have to ! OK , I really need to go to bed , cause it 's 2 in the morning , and I have been sewing show choir costumes for 4 days straight . That ' The Incredible Shrinking Woman Dear Motivation - ( I apologize to you readers that I write so many letters to people and inanimate things . I do have a habit of it … Note to self , Mother Nature . . . but it really makes sense to me to write letters and put things out there . Helps me travel emotionally and leads me to breakdowns … I meant breakthroughs ! ! ! ! Ahem , I better start over . ) Dear Motivation - Hi there , old friend . I know that you will read this when you get back , because I think you are on vacation . Ever since I got the flu a few weeks ago , you have been mysteriously absent in my life . While this was not a pre - approved vacation , I do understand . You have been working overtime for a year , putting in extra hours , standing strong in the face of French fries , sweating bullets when it should have been your day off … you 've done a fantastic job this year . Bravo ! So I know that you needed a break . But it seems that we are right on the cusp of a break through , and I don 't think that now is the best time for you to slack off ! I mean , Thanksgiving is in a few days . I know that most people will be taking a holiday then , and you deserve that day above anyone else . But here 's the thing . That is the hardest day for me . And I will need you . Because that 's when all the yummy food comes to the table and I find myself going back for seconds . And thirds . And dessert . Heaven help me , the desserts … But in all seriousness , we have some huge hurdles to overcome in the next month . I would like to say that I ended the year at a 73 pound loss . And that means that I have got to shed a few more pounds . 73 pounds will put me midway in the land of 160 's , a land I have not seen in years . I know that once the new year arrives , I 'll be all gung ho again ( simply the nature of this beast ) but we have got to get moving on getting to 165 . Just 6 more pounds . I am so close that I can feel it ! But could we really drop 6 pounds during the holiday season ? I think that we better come prepared . And there is only one cure I know of for this predicament . Thanksgiving and ChristmPosted by So today , I had to run to the store because Matt used the last of the coffee . And didn 't tell me we were out . Which would have been fine , except …… . I woke up this morning groggy and tired , so I reheated the leftover cuppa joe from yesterday by turning the coffee pot on , and sat down to answer an email or two while it warmed up . Meanwhile , my darling husband woke up , went to the kitchen , saw the coffee pot was on , assumed that I had already gotten my coffee , and took the last cup that was warming up . ( NOTE - He adds protein powder to his coffee . Bleeeeck ! ) He sits down beside me on the couch with his steaming hot cup of coffee , takes a sip and smiles lovingly at me . I look up and say " Was that the coffee I was warming up in the pot ? " M : " Uh , " ( insert uncomfortable silence here ) " maybe . I think so . You can have my cup . " C : " Did you add protein powder to it ? " M : " Oh , gosh darn it , I did . Sorry ! " C : " That 's ok . I 'll just go make a fresh pot . " M : " Well , I used the last of the coffee yesterday morning . " C : " Why didn 't you tell me ? " M : " I forgot . " C : " I see …..” ( insert long uncomfortable silence here with me shooting daggers . ) M : " You can have my cup of coffee . It doesn 't taste that bad . " C : " No thanks . I guess I 'll just run to the store . " M : " Ok , " ( insert nervous giggle here ) " sorry about that babe . " * Note the tone I shall try to convey with the phrase I say next . In your head it should sound disappointed , irritated , and with the inflection of responsibility for said disappointment and irritability . Also slightly perturbed with a heaping ( empty coffee ) cup full of highly annoyed . C : " Mmmmm hmmmmm . " Let me add that I am a PMSing monger right now . ( I got a new iphone for my job , and I downloaded an application that tells me when my next period will be . So you guys are no longer responsible for reading about it because I never remember to write it on the calendar . I now have an app for that . And unless something profoundly ridiculous happens , I won 't have to shPosted by Today is the day that all my hard work and drama pays off . Today is Mary 's Giving Up on a Perfect Thanksgiving . And the sole reason I made the Turkey tutorial . Next week , I will get back to talking about dieting and weight and all the usual stuff . But for today , it 's all about Tom the Turkey for me . So those of you who have linked over here from Mary 's blog , you are probably interested in reading the Turkey Trilogy . Which are the 3 posts below . One is the Turkey Tutorial Video . The other 2 are well worth a read . Because stuff like that probably happens to you . I know that this is par for the course for me , but that 's just fine . It 's good blog fodder . So you can read the 3 posts below , in no particular order . Doesn 't really matter , because it 's all about the making of the Turkey Tutorial . If you like what you are reading , make sure to become a follower , over there at the left , and come back for more . I hope you enjoy my Turkey Trilogy . Best wishes for a Happy ( and un - perfect ) Thanksgiving - Charlie For those of you who have come to Operation Shrink Charlie 's Big Butt to see the highly acclaimed Turkey Tutorial ( stepping away from the computer momentarily to avoid the inevitable lightning strike … ) let me warmly welcome you to the blog ! ! ! I promise you that if you are on a diet , ( or need to - but we don 't point fingers here ) you will find OSCBB is a common gathering place for a world of dieters . Which is good , because we can 't meet at the donut shoppe anymore . Too risky . Please explore and wander ' round the new and improved site . ( just got my blog did . Nice , huh ? All the good looking credit goes to April Showers Blog Design . I would say that she is cheap and talented , but that wouldn 't be very polite ! ) The Turkey Tutorial is on the post below this one . But if you have a few minutes , stick around and keep reading this post . I vow on my evil scale that it 's a good and funny one . For those of you who have been here for a while , and are now stalking me ( * cough * April ! ) welcome back , and the post you are about to read is one you are sure to love . Classic Charlie moments below . I want to tell you about behind the scenes of the Turkey Tutorial . You read about my Sunday preparing for the filming of my tutorial , which was a disaster . But what you don 't know is the painful torture I endured to present you with my pathetic ( yet highly amusing ) attempt at a cooking show . The drama of post production . Editing . The cherry on the fat free yogurt sundae . Spraying the hairspray on hair that hasn 't frizzed out yet . I hope you get it because I am stopping the analogies now . Brace yourselves . So Sunday evening , shortly after pulling the turkey out of the oven , my husband kindly offered to edit the video for me , since he 's the computer whiz with the theatre degree - and I accepted . Which was great . I had stuff to do . But when the video he pulled off our digital camera was not converting correctly so he could edit it ( because our camera isn 't meant to be a camcorder but it works in a pinch ) , he got frustrated . And hPosted by I know that the size may make my commentaries ( aka smart alec remarks about myself ) hard to read . The end should be fine , so I just posted the first part on Youtube , and then search for Charliegirl2490 . Have fun watching my Turkey Tutorial ! ! ! Then go check out Giving Up on Perfect as my bloggy friend Mary prepares to " Give Up on a Perfect Thanksgiving ! " ( And the video quality is not great . Can you imagine the fun I could have with an HD video camera ? Santa , please leave THAT under my tree ! ! ! ) OK , the perfect turkey video is now in the throws of editing and should be done Monday night sometime . The turkey is made and it is DEELISH ! ! ! ! But behind the scenes of the " Turkey Tutorial " , things were not exactly going my way . At all . Besides the fact that I didn 't have time to write out and memorize a script ( so I am winging it the whole way . And you can totally tell ) I realized from the moment I purchased the bird that the odds were against me . I was looking for a 15 pound turkey . Apparently that is a very popular size by way of Thanksgiving , because I couldn 't find one . Searched 2 different stores , and I finally gave up and got a 12 pounder . A little puny , but it would have to do . While purchasing the bird , I found these nifty turkey flippers that help support the turkey while lifting it up . Last year I almost scalded my hand off , so I decided the flippers were a wise investment indeed . But when I got home , they were no where to be found . I left them at walmart . Or lost them on the way home . I have no clue where they went ! Then , being home , I got bra - less and in my comfy pants , when I realized that I had forgotten to purchase honey for my recipe . So I put off the tutorial recording from Saturday to Sunday . The family was bummed out , but they still knew they were getting a turkey soon , so they eventually settled down . I went back to the store to purchase honey Sunday afternoon , and got everything lined up for filming . Except there was one problem . I had forgotten to pick up a disposable roasting pan . SHOOT ! ! ! ! ! Trip number 3 to the store , and of course it was raining . I had already done my hair and makeup , so the rain gave my makeup an " Alice Cooper " effect . It also gave my hair a " North Carolina in August fighting severe humidity " effect . Trying to save the last strands of hope for my hair and makeup , I ran across the parking lot in the pouring rain . And that was when I heard something drop . My phone . In a puddle . In 2 parts . I bent down to pick it up , and the car that wasn 't paying attention ( because she was talking oPosted by I have to make this short and sweet , because I have a sick kid home with me . Again . So much for being over the flu … Old business : It came to my attention that in my " artificial unintelligent state " ( that being my trashy bleached blonde hair ) I totally forgot to announce the winner of the Sentsy Giveaway . Sigh . Sorry folks . I 'm not super good at making big to - do 's unless I lost a pound or something . ( 172 and holding , FYI ) And the winner is - drum roll please - Rebecca ! ! ! Also known as Cross . Her name was drawn from a hat here at the Triple H ( Happy Hester Headquarters ) , and I couldn 't be more pleased ! She 's been with us from the beginning . Yep , the Yoga Incident was the thing that sealed our friendship forever . ( Ok , possibly it was that I assisted at her ahhhhhmazing wedding with my SIL Julia , but the blog has definitely maintained the friendship . ) Congrats Cross ! Your stuff should be here shortly . I 'll even gift wrap it . Ok realistically it will be in a gift bag . But HOORAY ! Next order of business … folks , I have exactly $ 7 bucks in our joint savings account . The time has come for me to get a job . So I have found an opportunity that fits the bills . Most of them . I think . Starting next week , I 've got to focus on that instead of blogging and facebooking first . Because I just couldn 't figure out a way to have that be a cash cow for me . If you know of some super top secret opportunity to get me enough for a down payment on a house , share it with me ASAP . I will still be around , but I may have to cut it down to a few posts less a week . I 'll still be faithfully yours , just from 8pm to 11pm . Does it suck ? Yep . But am I ok with it ? Amazingly I am . Finally , in New Business . . . this weekend , in order to show off my turkey making skills , I will be making a " Turkey Tutorial . " In the spirit of Thanksgiving , I will share with you my secrets of making a super easy super deelish bird that will impress even the grumpiest of mother in laws . ( Mine is great , BTW . I lucked out on this one . ) There will be a video . So Posted by A new reader , Stephanie , made this comment recently on a previous post : " your stories aren 't really the traditional , church lady devos , are they ? " I almost peed my pants with this comment . How right you are , Stephanie , how right you are ! ! ! And today is a perfect example of that fact . Because I 'll be talking a little about my faith . And the diet . And the flu . I promise this will not discuss puke in detail . I may , however , address it in generalities . As you all know , things have been mighty interesting around here . We have been dealing with flu . Not the swine kind . Just the regular ' ole body achin , tummy quaking , intestine shakin flu . It 's not by anyone 's fault ( I am not blaming my husband who works in a hospital ) ( or the children who sneeze on MY children at school and pass this nasty stuff ) ( Or the parents who send their sick kids KNOWINGLY to school because they need to go to work instead of letting their kids stay home ) but regardless , with it being no one in particular 's fault , we got it . Oh my , did we get it . Today , everyone seems to be OK . Not great , but OK . Everyone ate a reasonable amount of food for breakfast . Everyone brushed teeth without incident . Everyone grumbled about hating mornings and asked " WHEN are we gonna homeschool ? " So it seemed pretty normal . Except everyone still looks a little peckish . Just 2 shades whiter than they ought to . But the kids , who didn 't really want more makeup homework than necessary , voted to try school today . Therefore , being the fantastic mom that I am , I let them go , with disclaimers to teachers , secretaries , and gym teachers . There are conditions to being back at school . Like … 1 . No running . I don 't want people getting overheated . I don 't want headaches to come back with a vengeance , nor do I want tummies to start hurting . 2 . If anyone , for any reason , starts acting ill , they get to come home . 3 . The school is to call me if there 's any problem . I don 't care what it is , they are gonna call . Because the flu is nothing to sneeze at . ( groan ) It 's something that Posted by Today I have a little boy home with me . He 's got a temperature , he 's throwing up , and is mostly miserable , except he is well enough to appreciate that he is watching cartoons while laying on the couch and Mom is at his beck and call . ( Or bucket and call . ) If you are sick , you aren 't supposed to be grinning . Last night , as some of you may have read on facebook , Tim came up to me and said ( quite jovially , I might add ) " Hey mom , I think I am going to blow some chunks tonight . " Then he smiled this huge Cheshire Cat smile at me . And to be honest , we have too many kids round here crying wolf about being sick . Someone is always hurt , or coughing , or has a booger . Someone 's legs are always growing and hurting , or someone has the hiccups . ( Which is a seriously crippling condition around here . Hiccups mean that you have a valid excuse to try and get out of doing chores . It 's an epidemic . ) So when Tim told me he was feeling yucky , he didn 't LOOK like he was feeling bad . He seemed pretty happy about it . Like he was excited to get flu . Or maybe it was because he wanted to stay home and watch TV all day without big sisters controlling the remote . Anyway you look at it , he knew something was wrong . But he still smiled . So maybe I 'm the one who is looking at things all wrong . Maybe grinning is the answer . Perhaps we need to focus on why laughter makes things better when life stinks . Like with dieting . Some of the best moments through this diet were fraught with mayhem and hilarity . Like all my yoga experiences . Or disasters with gas . And of course , when my exercise ball went flying in the air like a rocket in the packed gym at the YMCA . All of those moments , embarrassing as they may be , have spurred me on to keep going . Because they really are funny . And laughing sure beats crying about it . Now , I want to know what your funny experiences are . I can 't be the only one around here providing entertainment , you know . I 've given you songs and stories . Now it 's your turn . Tell me about the stuff that you gone through on yPosted by Once upon a time there was a girl held captive . She was in a prison of her own mind , a dark lonely room with no sunshine or happiness . She was desperate to break free . Her cruel guard was a small , lying , conniving , evil metal box . It showed magical numbers that could elate her within this prison , or draw her deeper into the forgotten corners . This girl knew nothing else except that she wanted - NEEDED - to get out . She had heard about others breaking free , but never had the courage to run for herself . It was too hard . The path wasn 't clear how far away her liberty would be , or how she could even find the way . She had encountered myths and legends about finding freedom : Grapefruits , 6 week body makeovers , some woman named Jenny ( who charged lots and lots of gold for freedom ) , and even going on a hunger strike . All of these options might lead her away for a while , but she knew that eventually she would find herself right back in this same spot . One day , when her prison became too much to wear … I mean bear . . . she decided that she would try something new . She would find her own wings , watch for the right time , and get out of this hell hole called obesity . For the next year , she tried many different variations of the wings . Over time , and by a process of elimination , she discovered ways to lose the fat chains , get proper nutrition , and gained stamina instead of fat rolls . Her wings were finally starting to come together ! And that 's when something magical happened . A window appeared , looking out from the confined spaces of her mind . And as her wings grew stronger , the window started growing larger and larger , while she got healthier , happier , and smaller . Pretty soon , she was ready to leave her prison for good ( as she could finally fit out of the window that had appeared ! ) . But just as she was about to venture out for freedom , she noticed something quite peculiar . She could see other girls , JUST LIKE HER , trying to jump to their own freedoms . And it was awful . The moment they jumped ( head first ) , they thudded on the groundPosted by Dear Charlie - Yes , you are writing a letter to yourself today . This is a letter for you to read in a year . Because if you could have written yourself a letter for beginning of this weight loss journey , standing where you are today , you would be so encouraged ! I just know it ! So , I have to tell you a few things about the last leg of this diet , and why you are going to stick with it . First of all , you are strong enough . I know that everybody teases you about being flakey , and never sticking with anything very long , especially diets - but this is a journey that you are going to walk with a quiet confidence and endurance . You have already conquered a whole year , and look at the changes you have made ! Can you believe the difference so far ? And although you are over half way to your goal , the changes are only going to get better from here . ( And ignore the fact that your hair was totally uncooperative last night so you threw a crappy ponytail in and gave up , even though it was sticking up and looks yucky . ) Remember that first day on the treadmill when you were huffing and puffing at walking 2 miles ? And remember how proud you felt about that 2 miles ? Well , sister , you kept going . You kept pushing the distance . And now you can walk 8 miles without cramps or falling over . What will you be saying in a year ? Will you be able to walk 15 miles then ? ? ? Maybe . But all the flakey nature in you ceases when it comes to taking back your body . You have proven that even though it is one of the toughest things you have done , you are capable . And remember how you could never imagine a life without 2 liters of Coke every day and Papa John 's Pizza ? Now , a little over halfway to the finish line , you don 't even crave Diet Coke . You crave water ! Your body has finally fallen into line with this " clean living " stuff and even though it took a while , you are on the right track . Because you have gone slowly , your body didn 't go into major shock , and you have discovered a diet you can deal with your entire life . Today , weighing 172 and having losThe Incredible Shrinking Woman
|
Recently , I began posting with a network of women that post every Saturday , under the heading of Then Sings My Soul Saturday . I love being a part of this . I really enjoy reading what the other women have to say , and I love having a place to reflect and report a song that ministered to me that week . This weekend a few things got in the way and I did not post mine . I felt badly enough about it that I almost did that entry today instead of this . But , I am going to save it for next , Saturday . I mention that here because some of the what I will say here will in part be repeated to a degree next , Saturday . This past week , a dear blogging friend of mine sent me some of the Mrs . Meyer 's dryer sheets , and Lavender Window Cleaner she had mentioned on her blog . By the way , until August 24th , all orders over $ 50 will have no shipping charges if you are interested in trying any of her products . I am very happy with them , and plan to use some of these products regularly . It has been a long time since I really enjoyed cleaning my home . I began blogging because of this blogging lady . Kim , has an enjoyable web site and personal blog . She also has a blog for her cards . She is an amazing stamper . Her cards have been published in national stamping magazines . I really enjoy just looking at them . Well , in that package of Mrs . Meyer 's products , she sent me two of her handmade cards . One card was sent to me , for me . The other card was left blank to use as I wanted . The card sent to me had the sentiment " Friends " on it . This was the first card she made using a new toy she bought . The other card was the first card she stamped after a short time off from stamping . She asked me to choose a stamp set and that would get her started . I love the set " Sweet Herbs " and she had made a beautiful card with it some time before . When I received those two cards , I knew immediately I would frame them . She is a dear lady and friend and those cards mean something to me . I have changed over the years . I no longer decorate my house to " look " good , I fill it wi6 Today , one of my daughters ' and her husband are celebrating their 5th wedding anniversary . So I thought a cake might be nice . Shocker , huh ? Her favorite color was always pink growing up . Alas , she has left the pretty world of pink , and as an adult become a citizen of the lovely world of lavender . So , five roses small to large , graduating in size to represent the growing in their relationship over those five years , and of course in lovely lavender . She has always loved those fun sprinkles . I sprinkled those little colored things on her Coco Wheats while she was growing up . Actually , I sprinkled color on just about everything for her . Now though she still loves the whimsy of sprinkled color , she loves the sparkle of the crystal sprinkles ( and diamonds . . . how they do grow up ) . You will see just those very crystal sprinkles on those five roses . May their marriage always have crystal communication , sparkle in romance , colorful fun adventure every step of the way , and continue to grow in every beautiful way ! In my neck of the woods , children went back to school today . Among them was my granddaughter . So , not having the blessing of living near a grandchild in the past , I took full advantage of the situation and made a few cupcakes to take into the school office . My granddaughter came over to the house last night to choose the cupcakes she wanted to go into the box for the secretaries . This morning with treat box in hand , I got to go with her , my daughter , her dad and younger sister to be dropped off at school . That may not sound so special to some of you , especially if maybe you have lived near grand children all along , but it was precious to me . My granddaughter was so impressed with the cupcakes , and so excited to get them to the school that I thought I would share a few photos with you . The first two photos are the cupcakes as my granddaughter found them when she came over . Photos will enlarge if clicked . This next photo is of the cupcakes she chose to put in the box to take to the school . When the office staff bites into these little treats , they will find a big burst of unexpected flavor . Each cupcake is filled with a cooked filling I make . The cupcakes are lemon , the frosting is a vanilla buttercream , and they are each filled with either a fresh lemon curd , or strawberry cream . What fun ! . . . let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith , having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water . Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering , for He who promised is faithful . Hebrews 10 : 22 ~ 23Today 's post for Then Sings My Soul Saturdays , will be short . I am thankful to be able to report that this week has been pleasantly uneventful . That being the case , I have not had one song that has been on my heart all that much more than any other . There is one though that has maybe run through my mind , and that I have sung just a little more than the rest I suppose . As I was walking earlier this morning , I was praying for one of my daughter 's and her husband . Blessed Assurance ran through my mind quite a bit during that time , and I broke out singing it right there on the track . Decision made . Blessed Assurance , would be the song for this week . I honestly wondered how long it be before one of Fanny Crosby 's , precious hymns would make my Saturday , post . Fanny Crosby , was mistakenly given wrong medical treatment when an infant and as a result was blind for life . Nevertheless , she lived to be 95 , and wrote over 8 , 000 songs based on scripture ~ gospel hymns . She had an evangelical heart . Her focus was not on the amount of faith one had , but that of the object of their faith which must be Jesus Christ , and Jesus , only . The lyrics to the beautiful hymns she wrote were based on her absolute confidence in Jesus . Her confidence was not based on how she felt , but on how she knew the Bible to be infallible , absolute truth . Her assurance was based on the faithfulness of God , His Word , and His love . I am believing for something very important in the life of my daughter and son ~ in ~ law right now . A big decision is being made this week between them . This decision has far reaching consequence , or reward . I am bringing every scripture I know out that pertains to this situation , receiving each promise that pertains to this situation , and asking God for His Will ( Word ) toHad these sweet words to say . The day before yesterday , I decided to finish up the leftover Angel Hair pasta that was in the refrigerator . I was going to get enough healthy fat for the day from the walnuts at breakfast , the salmon at dinner and some cheese I would be having on the pasta . So , I really did not want to drizzle olive oil over the pasta . I decided to use up the last of the Newman 's Own Lighten Up Italian Dressing . The bottle you see in the picture below is that emptied bottle , and is the 8 ounce size . Then , the next day I am wanting to have a nice big ol ' spinach based salad . Oops . . . dressing ? ? ? I receive Dr . Andrew Weil 's , Daily Tips and Weekly Bulletin 's , in my email . I remembered seeing in one of the Weekly Bulletin 's , a recipe for salad vinaigrette that I wanted to give a go some time . Seemed like just the time to do that . I had all of the necessary ingredients on hand , and went at it . The recipe below filled my empty bottle up perfectly , as you will see . Result . . . a very delicious way to accent your salad . This vinaigrette is so flavorful and satisfying . You know , I have known this for some time , and I am sure this will be redundant for you , but I must say how amazed and delighted I am to keep discovering how satisfied I am , how much more energy I have , and how much clearer my thinking is when I eat those foods that are healthy , and prepared the way they should be for my body to receive optimum benefit from them . This vinaigrette has no fat in it , the ingredients are basically the staples of one 's kitchen , it 's a snap to make , it is very economical and so full of flavor that I have just switched from store bought , ready made dressings and vinaigrette 's to this one . If you try it , please let me know what you think . Now then , just for a side note , I wanted to mention the type of pasta I use . Barilla PLUS Pasta is the only pasta we now use . I left the white flour pasta world a long time ago . I have to admit though , I was never crazy about the whole wheat versions . Barilla PLUS tastes even better than I ever thought the white pasta1 Had these sweet words to say . Yesterday morning , Brett Favre left the Lambeau field for the last time as a Packer , because last night Green Bay traded him to the New York Jets . I am not crying , but if I let myself go a just a little I 'd be looking for every stinkin ' box of facial tissue in the house . Well , I am and always will be a Packer 's fan , and I will be wearing my green and gold attire throughout the season , but . . . I may be wearing it watching some Jets football games . My head is with Green Bay , me wittle heart is with what will always be # 4 to me , Brett . So , if you think you would like to read about this , here is an article you can read . What this article lacks in happy news , it certainly made up for in photos . I have more to post today , and this is not one of my favorite posts , so . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The salmon was really good . I was surprised at how much flavor the marinade offered . And , it is so quick and easy to make . Not to mention everything from the salmon to sesame seeds are items I usually have on hand . It was so good , I thought I would share the recipe with you . I did not realize how good it was going to be , so I did not plan to post about it , and so it was eaten before I snapped a photo . Sorry . Having told you all of that , I will now share with you a little something my husband , ( my burger , hot dog , pizza , processed and ~ or fast food loving husband ) , emailed me this morning . 1 . Whisk scallion , soy sauce , vinegar , honey and ginger in a medium bowl until the honey is dissolved . Place salmon in a zip lock style plastic bag , add 3 ( I used 5 ) tablespoons of the sauce , seal bag and refrigerate ; let marinate for 15 minutes ( I marinated for an hour ) . Reserve the remaining sauce . 2 . Preheat broiler . Line a small baking pan with foil and coat with cooking spray . Transfer the salmon to the pan , skinned - side down . ( Discard the marinade . ) Broil the salmon 4 to 6 inches from the heat source until cooked through , 6 to 10 minutes ( I turned salmon over and broiled for another 3 minutes on the opposite side to caramelize the honey a bit ) . Drizzle with the reserved sauce and garnish with sesame seeds . As always , click on pictures you want to enlarge . Yes , this granddaughter turned 3 years old earlier this summer . We went to see Junie B . Jones , and get our all of our Junie B . Jones , books signed ~ stamped by Junie herself for this beautiful little girls ' 3rd birthday . But this birthday party is because . . . Baxter , is three ! Okay , I am not nuts , or obsessive with the dog . I am an empty nester that likes to make cakes and celebrate birthdays ! Okay ? ? Okay . Let us move on , shall we ? Oh incidentally , there is a lovely lady that has a beautiful blog over at Sweet Cottage Dreams . She has a post that involves her Scottie Duhgall 's birthday , where she had a bagpipe player play for an hour . Click here to check that out . You may have to scroll up once you get there . Hummm . . wonder if he would stop by next summer for Baxter 's 4th birthday ? Now let 's move on . I have decorated cakes in the traditional flowery way . I have drawn Pooh Bear , Smurfs , Strawberry Shortcake and many other character 's and scenes on cakes . I have even carved cakes to resemble trains , airplanes and other objects . But , I had never carved and decorated a Scottie cake . So I thought Baxter 's 3rd birthday just might be the time to give it a go . I used dark fudge frosting because the black is bitter . This week however , I did learn two tricks of the trade on how to make the black and not have it be bitter . So now , I can use black for more than just filling in small areas . There will be next year . : ~ ) My granddaughters thought the cake was really great . I love their faces here ! This was Baxter 's 2nd birthday . My daughter and her girls were visiting , and they brought their Westie , Sassy to celebrate . No they did not come across 31 / 2 states just for Baxter 's birthday , that was just a perk . Umm . . . mom did not make that cake but it was good . This was Baxter 's first birthday cake . What fun ! We had a backyard BBQ complete with lots of friends and family . Good times ! The next few pictures are just a few I chose to put on here because . . . well because it is my blog , my dog , it is ab11 It 's official ! Green Bay Packers number 4 Brett Favre , today August 4th , is back on the field . His brief retirement over , he will be playing for the Packers this season . I 'd love to be at Lambeau Field today at noon to watch Commissioner Goodell , reinstate Brett Favre to the Green Bay Packers ' active roster . He could be on the practice field as early as , Tuesday . Good week to be in Green Bay , Wisconsin ! Welcome Back , Brett ! ! ! ! Of all the hymns and praise choruses I have been exposed to , there are just a few that come to mind and become so real to me over and over again , when hard times hit . Because He Lives , is one of them . After posting on Then Sings My Soul Saturdays last week , I began to wonder what song would weigh on my heart this week that I would be as eager to write about as I was , At Calvary . When Jon , and I got home the following day , Sunday , at about 1 : 00 in the afternoon , there was a message on our voice mail . Jon 's aunt had phoned . Her message was to tell us , Jon 's dad had passed away at noon . Our brisk and energetic " Let 's go for a bike ride " mindset immediately shifted to somber , still , quietness . In less than one moment 's time , my husbands life had changed . Before the stillness of that moment was interrupted with the sound of the laying down of the phone receiver , that beautiful hymn Because He Lives , began in my head . Throughout this past week , I have tried to sing others , even play worship music , but all I can hear is , Because He Lives . Because Jon 's , parents have been failing in health , he has been reading what the Word of God , has to say about sorrow and grief . These are are a few of the things Jon , and I have learned about this subject . To begin with , we both know and understand that there is sadness when a loved one passes away , even when we have the assurance they are in Glory . But , we have learned so much about emotions and how the enemy of our souls would love to suffocate us with sorrow and grief , that if we choose to swim in it , it will drown us for sure . That is always Satan 's goal for us . His only goal for us is to steal from us what he can , kill or destroy us . But you see , Jesus took and carried our grief and sorrow with Him to the Cross at Calvary . We really do not have to " grieve " or have overwhelming " sorrow " . We can cast that at the foot of the Cross and exchange it for peace and joy . Will we have times of sadness ? Yes . Will we have a longing to restore what we have lost ? Absolutely . Tears ? Plenty already , yes . Will we become despondent and give into out of control grief and sorrow ? No . Will we need to seek help ? Only at the Cross . We have a place to take all of the sadness , grief and sorrow . I have lost a mother , father , brother and lots of dreams as well . I know how deeply this can hurt . I know we have to acknowledge the loss . But , I also know that we have the ability to choose to fix our eyes , and keep our mind on Jesus , and receive unspeakable and amazing peace and joy . Jon , knows this too . While in Athens , Paul became concerned about the new church he had planted in , Thessalonica . He sent Timothy , to check on them . Timothy took good news back to Paul , as the the Thessalonian 's were thriving spiritually . Paul , wanted to go and see them , but he had more to do some miles away in , Corinth . So typical of Paul , he wrote to them . This letter did not contain his normal theology , it was a letter of gratitude for their continued faith in hard times , and encouragement . One of the most beautiful and freeing things he tells them is in 1 Thessalonians 4 : 13 . I am not going to expound on all he taught them there , and in other places in scripture . I am only going to point out here that as Christian 's , we do have hope , and we do not have to grieve like those that don 't . Basically , the teaching about that is condensed in my paragraph above . Isaiah 51 : 11 says , It is not God 's intention for us to live defeated . He gave us Jesus , to give us a way to live in victory . Instead of the shoulda , woulda , coulda 's of losing another loved one , Jon and I choose to fix our eyes on our hope in glory , Christ Jesus . Bill Gaither , wrote this wonderful hymn when our country was in unrest , the Viet Nam war , and when the the " God is dead " movement was so strong . Both he and Gloria , were so discouraged over bringing their soon to be born baby into a world in such wretched conditions . By the time their son was born , and they saw him with their own eyes , they were reminded and renewed in their faith . While holding that baby and just gazing on him , they were reassured that Because He [ Jesus ] Lives , tomorrow is worth living , fear gives way to victory and there is a bright future with hope because of , Jesus . After a long dry time of not writing songs , Bill Gaither gave us this amazing hymn of Victory ! This summer , Tuesday 's became one of my very favorite days . If you have read my July , 9th post , you already know Jon , and I have found a good church here in , Oklahoma . However , they have slowed down for Summer , and things like classes , fellowship groups and Bible studies are suspended until , Autumn . The beginning of June , my daughter and her children were here from Texas , visiting her sister that lives here , and I . While here , both of my girls ' children went to Vacation Bible School . Of course every morning , Nana was there waving , hugging and kissing the sweet little eager faces of her very beautiful grandchildren as they were going into the church . In that process , I met some very wonderful women . These women had begun a Bible study that would continue through the middle of , July . After I made some inquiries , one woman took my phone number and said she would pass it on to the woman that should talk with me about this study . That afternoon a dear woman called and was happy to tell me all about it . They met on Tuesday 's , and they were reading a novel authored by Francine Rivers , Redeeming Love . Ms . River 's , inspiration for this novel and the basic story line was derived from the book of Hosea , in the Bible . She said I was very welcome to come that next , Tuesday . She did not need to invite me twice . I bought the book and off I went . Now there are two things here I want to say . First , for some time now God , has had me in the " Love Camp " . Yep , the " Love Camp " . About two years ago I became serious enough about wanting God 's plan for my life to be actualized that I began pressing in and seeking Him on just what that would be . In my time with Him , He began to speak to me about how important it is to receive His love , and how few really do . As I have continued in studying what God 's love is , I have learned so much . For instance , you can not separate God , from His love because He is Love . Love is not an entity , it is , God . Love is a powerful force and not just some fluffy feeling we like to experience . The truth of the matter is , without it our faith does not work . I have learned so much about what love , God 's kind of love looks like . The passages highlighted above are probably familiar to you , they were to me . But these and so many more are no longer merely " passages " of scripture that are handy to know , they are becoming engraved on my heart . Every time I look in scripture , I see a new aspect of love . Every time I hear a sermon or teaching , hymn or praise chorus , I see a new aspect of love . I am not kidding you , I have been living in the " Love Camp " , for two years . Oh , and that is another thing . I am really fond of studying the scriptures about abiding in , God . Well , that is ALL about love . No matter where I turn , God is teaching me what love is , how to recognize it , how to show it , and its value . I am seeing just how little I have really known about it . So , was any surprise that the title of the book these ladies were reading was , Redeeming Love ? Of course not . Anytime I press into something anymore , I run into one of the streets in the " Love Camp " . I used be a little astonished when I would bump into an opportunity to learn about , or I would receive a revelation about God 's love . Now , I not only expect it , but look for it . I have just gone ahead and built a little cottage and moved my furniture into , the " Love Camp " . That is where God wants me to live , to abide , and so there I am and will stay unless He moves me on . The second thing I want to say , is that I see no need to read material wrought with emotionally upsetting subject matter . This book revolved around such themes . I was somewhat comforted to find I was not the only woman there that held this view . The overall message of love expressed through forgiveness is portrayed , but the path to get there is so jaded with troubling matter that the overall message pales in its outcome . I think the author is good enough that she could have found a way to convey the plight of the human condition without Jesus , some other way . It was like cussing . Those words are available to use , and certainly make a point . There are other ways to say the same thing though , and without being objectionable or distasteful . Reading this kind of material makes just about as much sense as asking a panel of male church leaders to peruse Playboy , Hustler , and a few other pornographic publications so they could see the exact condition of their male drive , their human condition , and how deeply they need a Savior . What you allow into the portals of your mind , your eyes in this case , is in , and remains there . Perhaps such an exercise would have a measure of a positive effect on those church leaders . But the seed of decay has already been planted . My ears do not itch for drama . In fact , I avoid exposing myself to those things that are upsetting and are the peace and joy thieves of our lives . If there is no place for me in being a part of the solution , I don 't involve myself . Reading such emotionally disturbing material is not something I can bring resolve to for anyone , and it only opens the door for troubling thoughts for myself . I do not need to be rocked from some place of complacency an author assumes I as a reader am in , to see the need for and beauty of forgiveness , and how it is directly related to God 's Love . I make it a lifestyle to practice the wisdom of , Proverbs 4 : 23 . I found no peace in some of the scenes I did read in that book . It honestly did not take me long to put it down . The last thing I read in that book will ensure that I never pick it up again . I guess I am not a the means justify the end , kind of girl . I did get off on a bit of a trail there . But , it was not a wandering haphazard rambling rabbit trail . I want to cause every reader of this post to stop and think about what you read , watch and listen to . Remember , " Guard your heart above all else , for it determines the course of your life " . And , the way we think determines how we are , how we behave , what we know and believe . Those things we allow in our minds , form our thought patterns . Begin evaluating what your mind feeds on . Judge it . And then guard your heart by protecting it from the deposit of disturbing material . You will be so happy you did , and once you begin to filter those things out that deviate from edifying or blessing you , that are in fact unsettling and truly not necessary , you will begin to experience joy and peace that you won 't let anything steal from you . I have a long way to go in my walk with the Lord , but this guarding of my heart I know a little something about , and am so glad I do . Now to bring this to full circle . I did enjoy my time with these ladies . Though I did not immerse myself in this novel , I was able to be a part of it all because the real subject matter revolved around the redeeming love God , shows His people in , Hosea . That I had a good grip on and our conversations were so candid and enriching . Scripture was brought out and discussed from throughout the , Bible . They are a great group of women and I honestly plan to continue in Bible study with them when they begin in two weeks , even when my church starts things back up full swing in the Autumn . There are three different studies to choose from for the fall . The one I have chosen is , Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World , by , Joanna Weaver . My daughter told me a couple of years ago that it was a good book , so I bought it . Being a Martha , life got in the way and I never read it . Learning to be a Mary , I have dug it out , dusted it off , and very excited to get to the first meeting after our little break . I realize this post probably comes off a little harsh and maybe preachy . But , I have grown to really care about those of you that read this blog . I care enough that I want to share those things that I have found to be valuable to me , with you . The things I would want you to share with me if they did me good . So , if this seemed to not be as fluffy and " feel good " as some other fun posts , please take it in the manner it was given , love . . . . for stopping by my little piece of home space in the blogosphere . I hope that you found what you read here to be enjoyable and in some way added a little sweetness to your life . After all , Kind words are like honey , sweet to the soul and healthy for the body . Proverbs 16 : 24
|
I say this all the time and here I go announcing it yet again : I love meeting up with my knitting circle every Sunday afternoon . I look forward to it all week ! This knitting group started out as simply a knit along for a shawl . The KAL was open to everyone , but for those that are local to Loop , they were welcome to meet at the yarn shop every Sunday afternoon to knit with other yarn enthusiasts . For our first KAL I made the Melodia shawl . Most people wanted to stick with the flat shawl / scarf patterns , so the Laylow pattern was selected for the second round of the KAL . The shawl is designed to use two different colors of yarn : a large main color , and a small border of another color . Because the border section is narrow , it doesn 't require much yardage . I wanted to use leftover yarn from a previous project in attempt to clear out my tub of yarn . Because I had plenty to work with , I selected the remainder of the green yarn from the Three Color Cowl I knit earlier in the year . I went through my stashed yarn to find a complementary color for the main body portion of the shawl . Unfortunately , most of my stashed skeins are sport weight , and since this patterns calls for fingering , I didn 't have what I needed on hand . I wanted to pair this dull green with a light brown neutral , and Loop had exactly what I was looking for . I went with Tosh Merino Light in Antique Lace - Lauren thinks that it is more gray , I think it 's brown . Whatever the color though , both of us chose this colorway for the body of ours shawls , and it works well with my dull green and her rich purple . This was my first time knitting dropped stitches , and I was really hesitant to do so at first . I wasn 't sure I liked the look of them , thinking the loose stitches just weren 't my style . I went ahead and included them like the pattern requested , and I 'm happy I did . The dropped stitches add depth and texture to the otherwise simple garter shawl . It 's still not my most favorite look ever , but I definitely don 't hate it either . I tend to like larger scarves / cowls / shawls , and I didn 't want small yet significant amounts of yarn leftover . So , I decided to extend the pattern and added three extra 6 - row repeats to the body . Since I knit the body larger , I also increased the border section by 7 rows . Doing this , I was able to use up the majority of both colors instead of wasting significant yardage . I also love how much larger and fuller my finished shawl is . I can easily wear my shawl wrapped around my neck like a scarf - my favorite look ! Wearing my shawl this way , it 's a lot fuller in the front which I think I 'll really appreciate in the winter . The pattern suggested and gave instructions for the lace bind off . I didn 't question the pattern and went ahead using this method , although I wish I hadn 't . At least for me , this bind off isn 't stretchy at all so I had a difficult time blocking my shawl . The bind off has no give whereas the rest of the garter shawl does . Loop has taken a break from hosting KALs , but Lauren and I keep coming back every Sunday to knit and enjoy company with our established knitting circle . They 've recently received shipments of Knitterly Things Vesper Sock yarn , and many people in the group have taken a huge interest in the self - striping colorways . I 'll be working on my socks ( knit two - at - a - time , magic looped ) in the Crossroads colorway for awhile ! Yarn used : Tosh Merino Light in Antique Lace , and Dream in Color Jilly in Bitter A few years ago I bought a bunch of cute knit fabric thinking that I wouldn 't have any issues sewing with it . I felt pretty confident sewing with quilting cottons , and I didn 't think knits would be much different . However , after my first attempt at sewing with knits without a serger , I gave up . My pretty knit fabric sat in a large tub , waiting for me to work up the courage to try again . I recently started to love wearing knits again . I used to think they clung too much to my body , and I refused to wear garments made out of knits , unless they were super loose . I no longer have that issue , and want to wear comfortable knits all the time . So , I decided to give sewing with knits another try . My first knit fabric attempt was a Scout Tee which is okay . I was just impressed that I managed to make something wearable . I knew I needed to figure out a better way to hem knits after reassessing that first top . I sewed the hems of that tee with a simple zig - zag stitch , but overall , it just looked funny to me . I had been on the mission to find the perfect pattern to sew simple knit tees , and I honestly thought the Scout Tee was going to be the winner . I love the pattern , but it 's not drafted specifically for knits , so I continued my search . The Plantain Tee was offered as a free pattern , so I figured I had nothing to lose trying it . To my surprise , as of now , I 've found that perfect knit tee pattern I had been searching for . The pattern is written for knits , and my top fits perfectly . This time , I used a regular straight stitch for all of my hems and I love the way that turned out . The hems turned out smooth without any waves or irregularities . I folded the fabric up at 1 / 2 inch and sewed as close to the raw edge as possible . I also attached the neck binding with a straight stitch , but zig - zag stitched that seam shut . Doing this made it much easier to top stitch the seam down , and also gives makes it look more finished . Like all of my newly sewn tops and dresses , I included a tag with the garment 's size stamped on , made from twill tape . I sewed the side and shoulder seams also with a straight stitch , but left them unfinished since fraying won 't be an issue with knits . The pattern offers both long and short sleeve versions . I opted for the later , but I 'll definitely be sewing several long sleeved tops this fall / winter . I didn 't need to make any changes to the pattern pieces or instructions because I love the way this tee fits as written ! It 's not super flow - y ( like how my Scout Tee turned out ) , but gradually flares out below the waist . Even though I 'm trying to work up the courage to go through my entire closest and purge clothing , I 'm already thinking about what I want to sew for myself to add to my fall / winter wardrobe . Like I said before , more Plantain Tees ( with elbow patches ! ) will definitely be included ! After finishing the San Francisco Marathon at the end of July , I planned to take a week off from running entirely . Well as it goes , one week turned into two , and then I made excuses to skip my next long run . From personal experience , I knew that I needed to start running again , if only a few miles at a time , otherwise I 'd stop running completely , and with several races coming up that really wouldn 't be a good idea . I flew back to Philadelphia the first week of August , expecting to easily fall back into my normal daily routine . However , that transition was so hard and didn 't go as planned . I needed more than a few days to readjust to the time change , and my body was out of whack from the huge coffee and no water the day of travel . But knowing how I am , I had to make myself run in order to get back into the habit of doing it . I didn 't want to lose all of the endurance and speed I built , and have to start all over from square one again . Being gone for almost a month , I quickly forgot how humid and muggy the East Coast is in the summer . I much prefer running outside , but the weather conditions were doing more harm than good to me . Sure I was getting all of my midweek runs in , but my legs felt like they were being shredded . My muscles were constantly sore and tired , so I started going to the gym instead . For the past two weeks I 've been doing almost all of my midweek runs on the indoor track where there is good airflow and air conditioning . Once the midweek miles start picking up though , I 'm going to have to move over to the treadmill because running dozens of circles around a 1 / 12 mile track makes me pretty dizzy . Thankfully though , the weather should be better towards the middle of September . I 'm really looking forward to not having to wake up at the crack of dawn when I want to run outside . While I 've been struggling to get back into the routine of running five times a week , I 'm still really motivated . Having races on my calendar that I 've signed up for months ago motivates me to get to the gym . I 've run a half marathon before without any proper training , and it sucks ! I never want to be in that much pain during and after a race again , so I use that horrible experience as inspiration to adhere to a training schedule . I love participating in races , who doesn 't ? The race swag and expo are so fun , and I wear the novelty tech tees all the time . But this year , I decided to do less races and instead focus more on the few that I do sign up for . I 've been concentrating on training for specific races rather than just running random half marathons because I can . So far this year , I 've run a 10 mile trail race and a full marathon . At the end of October I 'll be running the Rock ' n Roll Philadelphia half marathon ( on Halloween ! ) , and the Philadelphia full marathon at the end of November . Although I 'm missing out on adding more shirts to my growing collection of race tees , I 've never been more excited for all the fanfare for one specific race at a time . And just like always , I 've set time goals for these next two races that I hope to achieve ! Posted by Perhaps you recognize this fabric from my graduation dress ? Well , I just had to use it again since it 's the perfect weight fabric for this muggy , humid Philadelphia Summer . That , and my graduation dress no longer fits . So it seemed like a good idea to make a second garment with the same exact , leftover fabric . I bought this pattern over three years ago , but never actually finished a single top . I 've been trying ( slowly but surely ) to work my way through my fabric stash . I had just enough of this floral print left to squeak out one of these tanks . I didn 't have enough fabric left for the neck or arm hole bindings , but found some leftover gray linen instead . The sturdiness of the linen worked better anyway . This was a fairly simple pattern , and I didn 't encounter any real problems . The only fit adjustment I made was cutting about an inch off from the bottom to take into account my short torso . Placing the pocket on straight definitely took effort , but I like that little added detail so it was worth the struggle . I haven 't sewn bust darts in so long that I had to look up how to do this technique . I also decided to use French seams throughout the top for a more finished look . Otherwise , this tank was a quick sew . It took me about a week to finish with a lot of starting and stopping in between . Since Lauren and I did all of the training together and we naturally run at very similar paces , we decided to run the entire marathon together . We had a big time goal ( under 4 hours and 30 minutes ) , so we knew that we needed to run strong the entire 26 . 2 miles . From our past experiences , we decided that we weren 't going to look at our pace but rather run entirely on feel alone . Obsessing on pace only makes us stressed and can be very discouraging if we fall behind . We did all of our training using 10 : 1 run : walk intervals , so we stuck to this for the marathon as well . - I was so in awe that I was actually embarking on this race that I didn 't really look at my surroundings . I remember running by a few piers , but I was mostly reminding myself to keep moving and put one foot in front of the other . It sounds silly , but I was in shock that I was doing this . - We encountered the first big hill of the race . Expecting it to be a pretty hilly course , we decided to continue running up the hills , but at an easier pace . I was afraid that if we chose to walk the hills , we would be doing a lot of walking which would put our time goal way out of reach . - This area was really foggy so it was hard to see stuff in the distance . But what was viewable , was stunning ! I was able to spot the Golden Gate Bridge which was really motivating because I knew that was our next big landmark . Miles 5 . 5 - 9 . 5 : Golden Gate Bridge - The race runs from the SF side to the Sausalito side of the bridge , and then turns back around to spit you out where you started . The turn around point ( mile 7 . 5 ) marked the first aid station with fuel . I grabbed a pack of black cherry Gu Chomps and ate all of them between miles 7 . 5 - 11 . Sidenote : I loved how these tasted and will be buying them as soon as I need more running fuel . - Although it was exciting and a once in a lifetime experience running across the GG Bridge , as a middle of the pack runner , it was tricky navigating my way through the herds of people . There were only two car lanes open to the runners across the bridge , one car lane for each running direction separated by cones . Because the path was so narrow , we ended up running on the opposite side , hugging the cones the majority of the time . Miles 9 . 5 - 12 . 5 : - We finished running through the scenic areas of SF 's coast . One moment we were running along the water , and the next we were on the street . I definitely preferred the former of the two . - Many people wore their race shirts during the run which contains an image of the course on the back . I started realizing that because I 'm vaguely familiar with the SF area , I could easily figure out where I was on the map . It was oddly very motivating to be able to see how much I had already run and how much more I had to go . Whenever I started feeling like I wanted to be done , I would look for a race shirt to check my progress . I think all race shirts should have the course on the back ! - We ran into Dan ( SacFit running buddy ) and talked / ran with him for a few minutes . I love seeing people I know ! - I saw my parents right before exiting the park . I didn 't know exactly where I would be seeing them , so it was a great surprise to see familiar faces . Miles 19 - 21 : Haight St . - By this time I was getting tired and zoned out for awhile . I turned my brain off and let my legs just carry me . Miles 21 - 23 . 5 : - We took it easier on the hills , and walked a few extra minutes . - There were a handful of residents who were cheering outside of their houses which was really encouraging . One man even set out a table with cut up oranges for the runners ; I took two slices ! Miles 23 . 5 - 26 . 2 : - I was expecting to see AT & T Park a lot sooner than we did . I kept telling myself that as soon as I saw the baseball stadium I would be in the final stretch of the race . I should 've studied the course route more so that I would 've had a more accurate idea of where we were . - At mile 26 we saw a few of our good running buddies from SacFit . The day before they mentioned to us that they were going to try to make it out to the finish , but their plans weren 't definite . It was so nice to see them cheering us on ! Thank you so much Tim and Kathleen for being there ! As soon as I spotted them , I had a sudden burst of energy and wanted to sprint to the finish . Seeing people you know cheering you on really is a great feeling , especially after 26 miles ! We completed the SF Marathon in 4 : 33 : 29 ! Although I didn 't reach my biggest time goal , I easily surpassed my initial challenge and even PR ' ed by over an hour . Of course I wish I would 've been able to run just a little bit faster , but I 'm still so proud of Lauren and myself for improving so much . This just means that we 'll have to run another marathon to accomplish that goal time ! Right after we finished we ran into another SacFit friend , Jenny who had also just completed the marathon . We chatted with her about our race experiences for a little bit before leaving the finishers ' area . Then we made our way back to mile 26 to catch up with Tim , Kathleen , and Brad . We figured that would be a good spot to wait for Marissa , Heather , and Leti . Soon after , we realized that we should 've picked up our drop bags right after finishing since they were in the completely opposite direction . My only real complaint for the entire marathon is that the drop bag pick up location should 've been much closer to the finish line . After having run over 26 miles , most people don 't want to have to walk that far to get their belongings . Once we picked up our stuff , we walked all the way back to mile 26 . We had no idea when Marissa , Heather , and Leti were going to finish , or if they decided to drop . My parents were back at the hotel checking out of the rooms for us , so we wouldn 't be able to meet up with them for awhile either . Leti came in an hour and a half after us . Since Marissa and Heather started the race with Leti , I figured they weren 't far behind if they hadn 't dropped . I called Heather , expecting her to not answer , but was pleasantly surprised when she did . I found out that she was still on the course with Marissa , around mile 25 . Since the official allotted time was up , all of the aid stations and course support were gone . Wanting to encourage Marissa and Heather , I decided to run back to meet them , and run the last bit with them . Lauren and Leti stayed near the finish and watched all of our stuff , including my phone . I jogged all the way back to mile 25 . 75 , expecting that they should 've completed at least . 75 miles within the last 15 minutes of talking to Heather . I saw a few runners making their way to the finish , but Marissa and Heather weren 't in sight . I waited another 5 minutes for them , before realizing that they probably already finished and I must 've somehow missed them . I was thinking that everyone was now waiting for me , and since I didn 't have my phone , I went ahead and walked all the way back to the finish line to look for Lauren and Leti who I knew would be there . Still without a phone , I wasn 't able to find them . Luckily I randomly ran into my dad who was searching for my mom . I was then able to use my dad 's phone to call Lauren . So much time had passed since I left to find Marissa and Heather , that when I was able to contact Lauren , she was already walking in my direction with Heather and Marissa . I was bummed that I missed them crossing the finish line , but luckily Lauren recorded it . After everyone was found , the seven of us walked back to my dad 's car together . Thankfully my dad loaded up all of our luggage and checked out of our hotel room for us , so we didn 't have to worry about any of that . My dad dropped Lauren , Leti , and I back off at my car , and we started our short journey back to Sacramento . We stopped in Berkeley to pick up Chipotle for lunch which ended up being the best post - race meal . bottle refilled with water one time once it was empty . In addition , I drank several ounces of Nuun at many of the aid stations , about every five miles . Throughout the entire race , I ate a package of Gu Chomps and three Gu Gels . This combination of hydration and fuel worked really well for me . I had plenty of energy throughout the entire race without feeling weighed down or sick . I find that eating a larger breakfast before and small amounts during the run is best for my body . I had an amazing weekend in San Francisco with my closest friends and family . I felt so proud of myself for finishing that marathon because I trained so hard for it and dedicated so much time towards it . Even though it was a difficult course at times , it was one of the most scenic areas I 've run in . Unfortunately the timing doesn 't work out , otherwise I would 've already signed up to run this marathon again next year . Luckily though , Lauren , Leti , Marissa , Heather , and I are already signed up to run another marathon in November . We signed up months ago so we wouldn 't back out after the SF Marathon which was such a smart idea . I 'm already looking forward to them coming out to Philadelphia in the next few months . It was hard to start back up , but I 've already started training for this next race , and again am hoping for another big PR ! I originally intended to tell my experience of running the San Francisco Marathon in one post , but with so much to share and talk about , that one post grew way too long . So , I decided to break my recap up into two separate posts . I 'm sharing all of the pre - race fun today , and will detail the actual run / post - run craziness tomorrow ! Beginning January 1 , I started training for the San Francisco Marathon . One of my big New Year 's resolutions was to finish a marathon in under 5 hours . I only had one official marathon race under my belt , and I was determined to achieve an enormous PR . Month by month , I filled in my daily workouts and rest days so that I knew exactly what I needed to do in the upcoming days and weeks . I found that this method really worked at holding me accountable and allowed me to be successful in completing my training program . After a few months of getting back into the habit of running regularly again , I realized that I was capable of more than my initial goal . I wanted to PR by over an hour for a time of under 4 hours and 45 minutes . Again , after many more exciting long training runs , I challenged myself to finish the SF Marathon in under 4 hours and 30 minutes . I knew this final goal would be tricky , but based on my pace and how good I felt after my long runs , I was pretty sure I could accomplish this big feat . Lauren , Marissa , Heather , and Leti also signed up for the marathon . We were all looking for a way to get back into running after having been out of shape for awhile . Since Lauren and I both live in Philadelphia , it was easy for us to train together and follow the same running schedule . The two of us completed all of our long runs and most midweek runs together . I flew out to California with Lauren in the middle of July , leaving plenty of time for us to adapt to the time and environmental changes in preparation for the July 26 marathon . Being in California completely threw off my normal daily routine I had grown accustomed to in Philadelphia . I tried to be strict about my midweek runs the two weeks leading up to the big race , but when I did manage to go running , my runs were all pretty casual and lax . I 'm not sure how this affected the actual race , but such a big change must 've had some effect . The day before the marathon , the five of us drove to San Francisco and eagerly went to the race expo ready to check out all the vendors . Our first stop was the SF Marathon pop up shop . I had been eying the souvenir zip up hoodies online , so I quickly purchased a green one ! Heather and I now have matching sweatshirts , and Marissa and Lauren have dark gray ones . While waiting in line to buy our sweatshirts , Marissa and I ran into our second cousin Carey who signed up to run the second half marathon . We hadn 't seen her in years , so that was fun ! Lauren and I are known as the " sparkle twins " throughout our SacFit running group because we always wear sparkly headbands when we run . Obviously you can never have enough sparkle , so of course we needed to stop by the Sparkly Soul booth to add a few more headbands to our collections . This was my first time trying this specific brand of headbands , and after trying multiple other ones , I can honestly say that I 'm going to be a longtime customer of Sparkly Soul . I picked two glittered headbands : a pastel rainbow and pewter ; and a solid shiny brown one to wear when I 'm not running . After spending a few hours at the expo and dealing with the " parking situation " , it was time for dinner ! We were planning to go to Source since Lauren , Leti , and I loved the food when we were there last year . After trying to look up directions , we discovered the restaurant closed . Luckily though , we quickly agreed on Gracias Madre for our pre - race meal . Being an all vegan menu , Lauren and I found ourselves not knowing what to order since everything sounded so good . We order lots of appetizers and a few entrees , and decided to share everything amongst the five of us . Everything tasted delicious , just as we remembered , but all of our favorites were the potatoes and cauliflower appetizers . Their cashew cream sauce is to die for . After dinner , we made our way to the Hilton in the Financial District to check in . Originally , the five of us were going to share one room to save money . I went ahead and booked two rooms , just in case we ended up changing our minds and needed more personal space . I was planning on cancelling one room , but my parents decided they wanted to come and watch us all run ! So in the end , Lauren , Leti , and I shared one room , and Marissa and Heather shared a room with my parents . The rooms were on the pricier side , but being in SF that 's to be expected . Our rooms were very clean , large , and had amazing views - well worth the price . Once we checked in , we spent the entire evening resting . I packed my water bottle and drop bag , set out my clothes , and showered so that I wouldn 't have to worry about doing anything the morning of the race . Planning works wonders ! When I woke up at 4 o ' clock race day morning , I wasn 't stressed at all . As soon as I woke up , I sat in bed and made myself finish my entire breakfast . I made and froze pancakes two days before to bring with me . I also brought a single serving pouch of Justin 's almond butter . Since I had been eating these same exact pancakes with almond butter the morning of every long run , I knew that this breakfast would work well for me . I gave myself plenty of digestion time to prevent any stomach issues during the race . After my fancy breakfast in bed , I finished getting ready in not time at all . We met my parents , Marissa , and Heather in the hotel lobby around 5 o ' clock and walked less than a mile to the start line with them . I was afraid that walking that far before the race would tire us all out , but fortunately this was the perfect little warmup . I threw on extra layers expecting it to be really cold on the walk to the start . Luckily though , we were blessed with the perfect weather ! We dropped off of our drop bags and had just enough time for one last port - a - potty stop . None of us realized how much further the actual entrance to the corral was . We were expecting to be able to walk into the start gate right after the port - a - potties , but in actuality we had to jog another quarter of a mile to get there on time . Lauren and I have had bad experiences missing our designated corral , so we wanted to be able to start at our correct time . This caused a lot of stress for our group , but we made it there right on time and had a few minutes to take a group shot before crossing the start line . Posted by A few weeks ago I discussed my efforts in finishing my 24 goals as part of my 24th birthday challenge . Last year when I first came up with this list of 24 items to accomplish , I made a separate list of 10 tasks each month , hoping these smaller goals would make my larger goals list seem much more manageable . Long story short , coming up with just a few things to focus on each month really did help me tackle most items on my big yearlong list . 1 . Read a book : I read several books this past month . First , I completed Z : Zelda Fitzgerald by Fowler . A few years ago I randomly picked up a biography about the Fitzgeralds , and I surprised myself by being so interested in the dynamics of the duo and their relationships with their peers . I 've read a few other novels based on them , and just like those , this loosely based biography of Zelda kept me hooked the whole way through . I also quickly finished Autobiography of Us by Sloss . I found this novel very entertaining , although thinking about it now , very cliche . This is a story of two high school best friends and how the choices they made in college changed their futures and relationships . Lastly , I brought Banished by Drain along with me on my trip to California . The theme of this memoir was the only thing that kept me from quitting after the first chapter . This book was on my " must read " list because it 's written by an ex - member of the Westboro Baptist Church and details her firsthand experience with this radical group . Drain had a lot of great insight into the cult - like nature of this church , but the writing wasn 't as great . 2 . Ride my bike : I had big plans to ride my bike while I was home in California , but those grand ideas never took off . I did manage to bring my helmet back to Philadelphia with me , so I 'm hoping to try out Philly 's new bike share program , Indego soon . 3 . Use my big camera a lot while I 'm in California to capture " people pictures " : I 'm ashamed to admit that I didn 't take a single photo with my big camera the entire month I was home . I lugged my camera with me ( carry on , of course ) with the intention of taking hundreds of photos . It was pure laziness that held me back . 4 . Go through all of my clothes back home : As always , there 's still a lot more items I could 've gone through . But since I did go through a large portion of my boxed clothes , I 'm considering this goal complete . When we moved to Philadelphia last year , Lauren and I stored a bunch of clothing that we hardly wore in cardboard boxes at her dad 's house . Going through the boxes this past month , I 'm not sure why I needed to keep all of those items . I obviously haven 't worn them in over a year and I actually forgot I owned a lot of them . Together we filled several large bags full of clothes to donate . I still have a long ways to go , but surely I 'll have a normal sized wardrobe one day ! 5 . Take a day trip to somewhere fun : Lauren , Marissa , Heather , Leti , and I drove to San Francisco one weekend and had tons of fun . However , the entire purpose of the trip was to run the SF Marathon . So , I 'm going to be strict and not allow this trip to count . I was planning on taking a trip to the beach and a separate day trip to the Bay area to visit my brother , but those plans changed . 6 . Make lots of progress on my knit sweater : Basically , in July I started my sweater , and that 's about it . The whole sweater knitting really didn 't take off until August when I returned to Philadelphia . Although I didn 't get much knitting done in July , I 'm flying now and will most likely meet the September deadline ! 7 . Set up my new iPod : Again out of laziness , I didn 't set up my iPod . I just need to make myself sit down in front of my computer and do this one afternoon so that I can have some good tunes to listen to while I exercise . The whole " why do today what you can do tomorrow ? " mantra has really taken over my productivity . 8 . Tie Dye : My siblings , Lauren , Heather , and I tie dyed twice while I was home ! We had so much fun the first round that everyone wanted to tie dye again the following week . Because I trying to get rid of clothes , I decided to tie dye several yards of cotton fabric . I 'm not exactly sure what I 'm going to make with the fabric , but I 'm so glad I opted to dye fabric instead of clothes . 9 . Make something with beads : I brought my little bag of beads home with me , hoping to use pliers and other tools that I don 't have in Philadelphia . But spending time with friends and family was way more important , so I didn 't make any jewelry . There 's always next time though . 10 . Make two dresses : YES ! I mentioned a few weeks ago , but I 'll happily say it again . I sewed a knit dress and a woven one . Both have been worn several times already . Although neither are near perfect , I 've learned what I need to change to sew more - perfect dresses in the future .
|
Feb27 This morning I am thinking of Mary . She has been on the hearts of so many people , due to the fact that she almost died . ( January 17 , 2017 ) Miraculously she was given the gift of life . " Mary will be restored to her home ( and her children ) tomorrow . Yes , HOME ! ! We can all share in her joy . Praise God ! ! ! After her return home ( and I am sure countless hugs and kisses ) she will be visited by Home Health Care to determine need for level of care . Please continue to pray for Mary 's healing , their family , and God 's blessing on this next big step in Mary 's healing . " I think so often people get confused about miracles and healing . What Mary experienced at the hospital when she could breathe without the help of a breathing tube was a miracle . ( see previous posts ) The doctors thought she would more than likely die . The breath in her lungs was instant , the moment the tube came out she could breathe on her own , and she began to recover . That miracle was the beginning of Mary 's healing . Her lungs began to immediately respond and get better and better . The healing process is still going on , which is why prayer for complete healing is necessary . Mary has had several treatments of chemotherapy and will continue to do so . Our continued prayer stand is that Mary be completely delivered from cancer , that " she will not die but live and declare the works of the Lord . " Psalm 118 : 17 How often do we pray and ask but do not believe we receive . In the gospel of Mark Jesus said , " Therefore I say unto you , What things soever you desire when you pray , believe that you receive them and you shall have them . " Mark 11 : 24 KJV To see we must believe and receive . Faith is the necessary ingredient for miracles and healing . It is not hoping or wishing that the thing you desire is yours because you want it to be . It is not mental assent to what the Bible says is true , or even that Jesus died for you to have it . There are times when you must stand in faith to recover . There are times when healing does not manifest right away , then you must know that you have been heard and God will do everything He can do . Sometimes timing is an issue . God gave each of us a will . We can choose . When a person has been battling against sickness or disease and they are tired and don 't want to fight anymore , your will and prayers will not be imposed upon them . God will give them what they want , He will take them home to Heaven , if they are His children . In our day in America , every source is embalmed with unbelief and doubt … except one … the Bible . A person may be strong in the Lord in one area but weak in another because of doubt or unbelief . There is no perfect human being . Jesus taught that we are to be like little children . The hallmark of a child is trust . Implicit in childhood is total trust in their parent . They don 't question where their next meal is coming from , whether they will have clothes or shoes to wear or a place to sleep . ( Yes , I know that there are aberrations ) Each of us has been assigned a specific time to be here on planet earth . For such a time as this we have come . God has a plan and a purpose for each of us . It is for us to discover what that plan is . Mary has been given a new lease on life , a new opportunity . She has fought , her family has fought , extended family has fought , friends and God 's family have fought against the cancer that the enemy sent to kill her and steal her from her husband and children . He did not win ! Jesus said , " I paid the price required for Mary to be healed . My blood was shed ; I was whipped with a cat of nine tails , my blood flowed out on the ground , the bones in my back could be seen . Only then did they stop . I did this out of love for Mary , to satisfy the demands of the law . I ask the court for acquittal . " The enemy arose with great pomp to make his case against Mary . He dragged up every little thing that she had done from the time she was able to make her own decisions . It was not a pretty picture . He said , " Your honor knows that I am nothing if not fair . I have shown the court that Mary is deserving of death . I ask for conviction . " He sat down , smugly sure that he had won . He could not wait to get his hands on her . He had plans . God stood up . The enemy trembled , that was not a good sign . He had seen Him do that before and it did not bode well for him . Turning to Lucifer , the fallen one , He said , " I have heard you out . You have accused Mary of heinous crimes . You have belittled her , you have laid out before me a picture accusing her of things she has not even done . Fair ? no , never since your fall have you ever been fair . There is no justice in you at all . " Turning to Jesus He said , " I have heard the case that you have made for Mary . You have done everything possible to secure her healing . I have seen that Mary wants to be healed and I have heard the many prayers for her life . Mary gave me her life when she was 12 years of age . She is my child . I have made my decision . " Today is the day of salvation . Turn from sin and give your heart to Jesus , all of the old life will be washed away in Jesus blood , you will become a new man . A new life will begin . Ask Jesus to immerse you in the Holy Spirit and He will bring you power to live that new life . Share this : TwitterFacebookMorePinterestEmailPrintLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted on February 27 , 2017 , in Belief , Cancer , Change , Chemotherapy , children , Disease , Doctors , Faith , Family , Healing , Home , Miracles , miscellaneous , Relationship , Sickness and tagged Christianity , Disease , Faith , Family , God , Health , Life , people , truth . Leave a comment Mary and all of Kathy 's family are Roman / American Catholic . They strongly hold to the tradition and doctrines of the church . They are lovely , caring people . During this whole ordeal all of us , and more , have prayed for Mary . Well , I want to shout it , God heard and a miracle happened . Here is how it came down . That is when the miracle happened . Mary began to recover . By the end of the day she was sitting up smiling and breathing on her own . The oncologist called it miraculous . We call it a miracle . Thank you Father , our Lord and our God ! Share this : TwitterFacebookMorePinterestEmailPrintLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted on February 12 , 2017 , in Belief , Change , Faith , Family , miscellaneous , Relationship and tagged Christianity , happy , Life , prayer , Religion , Thanks , Thoughts , truth . 2 Comments Today my heart is heavy . A young woman , Mary , with 5 children ages 1 to 12 lies in the hospital , overcome by cancer , the Doctors have given her husband no hope . The human question is why ? That is followed by thoughts of who will care for the kids ? This story has been repeated times without number in the world . Not long ago we heard the story of Joey , a beautiful young singer , who with her husband Rory were raising a little girl . After a valiant fight she died from cancer . My girl Kathy 's heart is being rung out right now as she watches her sister Mary dying before her eyes . Yet there is hope still . Even at the last minute many condemned to be executed have been given a stay of execution . Could our dear Mary yet be touched by the Master ? I believe so . Share this : TwitterFacebookMorePinterestEmailPrintLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted on February 10 , 2017 , in Faith , Family , miscellaneous , Relationship and tagged comfort , Family , Poems , prayer , questions , sad , Thoughts . Leave a comment When Barak Obama became president under the banner of change , America was excited . The first black president sat in the White House , expectations were high . Eight years later many were disappointed others were pleased . This past November Donald Trump became president . America was excited . The first successful billionaire business man sits in the White House , expectations are high . He too ran on promises of change . Some were angry and others rejoiced . The map of America after the election was mostly red . In California and the major big cities of the nation the map was blue . America as a whole wanted change . I recall sitting with my mother many years ago , watching T . V . The ads would come on and she would ask to go to the store so she could buy the product she saw . If it was on T . V . it must be good , i . e . it must be true . Americans watch " the talking heads " of the media talk and debate , asking themselves what they think . Opinion is what matters to them … your opinion , my opinion , their opinion . Every opinion except the one opinion that matters , God 's . In the Christian church of today , many doctrines that were held true for centuries are no longer accepted as truth . It is a time when each does what is right in his own eyes , the Bible calls this an evil day . The love of money , position and power move many . But for some of us , this is a new day , a day of awakening . We have prayed for years : " God , May your Kingdom come and your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven ! " We believe that now is the time , God has heard our prayers , and He is going to get involved . As someone said , " God is going to show up and show out . " A few years ago I was reading Isaiah 60 … it read : " Darkness shall cover the earth and gross darkness the people , but the light shall rise upon thee and nations and kings shall come to the brightness of your rising . . " We know that when it is dark , even the smallest amount of light brightens the darkness . That is not to say that everyone likes the light , because as the Bible says it shows that their deeds are evil . So , there will be those who react to light , to change , by anarchy . They become violent in their anger , lashing out at whoever happens to come close to them . My pastor and her friend , along with many other Christian people went to Washington D . C . for the inauguration of Donald J . Trump as the 45th president of the United States of America . They were there to celebrate and support . It was a joyful time for them . Peaceful protest is part of the American landscape . We are a diverse people and have the right to stand up for our beliefs . But , looting , burning , pushing and shoving , even sometimes beating up someone you disagree with is not the American way . Christians and Jews are among the most tolerant people that I know . In Israel and America a Christian church , a Jewish synagogue and a mosque can stand in the same area . Their people can work side by side without conflict . It is vain to fight against God , you cannot prevail . Unbelief does not affect God . He is the great I AM , the one who has always been and always will be . His will is going to be done . As we embark upon the four year term of Donald Trump as president . Let us set aside radicalization and work together in Unity to make America a better place for our children and our grand - children . Unity in diversity is a wonderful thing . We live in a country where we can make our requests known . I write to my congressman and representatives when I disagree with what is being done . No one comes to put me in jail for being a dissident . I have the right of free speech . Share this : TwitterFacebookMorePinterestEmailPrintLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted on February 7 , 2017 , in Belief , Change , Christian Faith , miscellaneous , Relationship and tagged America , business , Change , Christianity , Faith , Opinion , Trump , truth . 2 Comments Oct22 Divorce is a cancer upon the world . There is no good that can come of it because it always divides and subtracts from the people involved . Children pay the heaviest price . This subject is heavy on my heart this morning . Having said that , God can make a mess into a message and a test into a testimony . I have heard and read many stories affirming this truth and my own marriage is a testimony of it . I have friends for whom this is also true . God allows divorce because of adultery . Though not clearly spoken in scripture , God does not condone one person abusing another . But , that does not mean that in every case of abuse or adultery God wants a woman or man to depart . God treats every person as an individual . Define abuse . Abuse can be physical , mental or spiritual . When would God have you stay , when depart ? If your life is in danger , depart . If your children are in danger , depart . A friend of mine has stayed with a husband who is verbally abusive and now she has been diagnosed as mentally ill . She left once and went back , in my opinion she should have never gone back . I believe it was fear that gripped her and this opened a door to the dark side . Though she claimed to be a Christian her husband became her idol . My sister has been with a verbally abusive man for over 50 years . He has little education but an outgoing personality that has gotten him by in life . His weakness is putting her down to lift himself up . In spite of this she loves him and believes that God has told her to stay . The words he uses have caused her to turn to the Lord for comfort and strength , and He gives it to her . He also blesses her in many other ways for staying the course . I Corinthians 7 : 16 The Bible tells us that a wife may win her husband to the Lord by her godly respectful behavior . Surely God puts up with irreverent , ungodly sinners , sometimes for many years before they are won over by His love . Earth life is short compared to eternity . At this moment one of my sons is involved in divorce proceedings . I believe that God chose this woman for my son . That being said , the Bible says this : " Many are called but few are chosen . " I know that is not talking specifically about marriage and divorce , but the principle is there . God calls some to be married , they can choose to do so or not . Once married they are called to stay married to their spouse . God has given each person a will . We make decisions every day that affect our destiny . God will never superimpose His will upon anyone , though He has the power and authority to do so . God is love , and true love thinks of what is best for the loved one . God often allows what He does not condone . Self - centeredness : " It is all about what I want . Others exist to do my will . If you don 't do what I want , I have the right to throw you away . Life is about me being happy . If I am not happy then you won 't be either . " Plainly put : God is not in it , it is idolatry , you are sitting on the throne of your life , you are your own god . God has a way for marriage that transcends the world 's way of doing and being . Like the salvation of a soul , it requires a death , death to selfishness , for God 's way of doing is loving your mate , giving of yourself , your time , to be a blessing to him or her . In so doing , you will receive the blessing of the Lord yourself . The world 's way of marriage looks like this : Each person finds someone who will make them feel good , feel completed . Some want their spouse to do what they do , like what they like or go where they go . In other words , to be just like them . God did not create Adam and Adama . He created man and wom ( b ) man for the purpose of taking care of the earth , populating it , enjoying each other and enjoying being in His presence . God , in His written word , specifically tells a believer not to marry someone who does not believe in Jesus as the way of salvation , the way to God , the way to Heaven at death . Why ? Because they are two different operating systems . Does this mean then that if two people are Christians and they marry that they will not have any problem . Absolutely not ! There may , in fact , be more . The reason is that we live in a fallen world , a world where every man does what is right in his own eyes , a world where God has been put on the shelf or shoved out of His rightful place , thus the adversary of God will target the true believer , he will attack anything of God that looks like it may be successful . Divorce in the church today is nearly equal to that of the world . It ought not to be . The handbook for believers , the Bible , clearly spells out God 's will for marriage . Then why is divorce accepted among Christians ? My simple answer is because the Bible is not relevant to them or their lives . As I said , we have arrived at the time when Truth has become irrelevant because each man is doing what is right in his own eyes . This opens the door for all manner of evil to prevail . Wrong becomes right , light becomes dark and good becomes evil . What then shall we say of these things ? God have mercy upon us , forgive us for our self - centered way of doing and being and lead us into your truth , your way of doing and being right ! Amen . Friend , please know that I bring no condemnation to you or upon you . It 's just that I am grieved over the hardness of heart that I see around me . God forgives any who call upon the name of Jesus . I have a personal knowledge of this . If you have been divorced , put away , God loves you and there is healing in Him . Run to Him , He will receive you and love you to life . This spring my husband and I will have been married for 53 years . My husband 's first wife divorced him , put him away , for another man , and I had never been married , nor had I ever had a relationship with a man . We did not know how to be married ; we were flawed people who wanted to be loved and accepted , but neither of us was equipped . We lived together for 35 years walking on parallel paths . I rejoice to tell you that we learned that only in relationship with Jesus are we loved and accepted . This has brought us contentment with and happiness with each other . Marriage is mixing everything together so that you cannot find the separate entity anymore . Somehow you become one and yet retain your individuality . It is a mystery when it is done God 's way . And , it is wonderful . Is it a piece of cake ? No ! You have to work at it . We " keep short accounts " . We don 't let offenses go and allow them to fester , we don 't allow divisive thoughts to continue , we communicate and solve issues . We don 't speak evil to each other or of each other to another person . We don 't focus on each others shortcomings , we focus on those things that we do well , or for each other . As I was taught in Lutheran confirmation regarding others : " Put the best construction on all that he does . " Share this : TwitterFacebookMorePinterestEmailPrintLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted on October 22 , 2016 , in Belief , Faith , Family , miscellaneous , Relationship and tagged Christianity , comfort , divorce , Faith , Family , happy , Life , people , truth . Leave a comment Then she became pregnant again , this time another boy . They were close together , these two sons of hers , so close that many people thought they were twins . The little brother was a follower . He mimicked everything his big brother did . Together Kenny and Larrie made quite a team . Baby number 7 was born when Nin was 42 years of age . She was a Down 's syndrome child , at that time called Mongoloid . The extended family was quick to blame J . B . 's alcoholism . Nin didn 't care what they thought , she loved her little one . She gave me the privilege of naming her , I called her Cynthia Kay . I thought she was beautiful . Cindy was about 18 months old when Kenny and Larrie took her for a ride in the baby stroller . Some of the neighborhood children gathered around and made very hurtful remarks about her looks . Coming home , they asked Nin what was wrong with her , why did the children make fun of her . The innocence of childhood and the love of family ; they didn 't know she was different , she was just Cindy and she was their sister . People are people the world over , we judge and criticize what we do not understand . We still do it when we become adults , we are just more covert about it than children are . How often do we say things to others that if said to us would cut deeply ? We don 't even think about that . We should . Kenny and Larrie got into a lot of trouble . Mostly Kenny leading the way . They were so cute , it was hard to be angry with them , but Nin did not let things go by . Sometimes , she made them go to the tree in the back yard and pick the switch that she would use to swat them ; but Kenny was a runner and he would take off , laughing as he ran away from her . One day a policeman showed up at the door . It seems someone had seen the boys deface public property and reported it to the police . Kenny heard him talking to her , ran upstairs and crawled under the bed , getting as close to the wall as he could . That didn 't phase Nin , she got a broom and went after him . He had to face the music . He spent time cleaning up the mess . When the boys became teen - agers , the issues became problems and heartaches for Nin . Fast cars , fast girls , drinking and smoking , seemingly following in their father 's footsteps . By now Kenny was a very handsome young man . He had no problem having a girl friend . Close calls driving drunk could have taken Kenny 's life , but God had a plan . Kenny had drive . He wanted the finer things of life as he got older . He saw what others had and he wanted it for himself . He pushed ahead . Military service side - lined his plans temporarily , but once he was back home he began his pursuit of things . God brought him a wife , the perfect mate . Though the ensuing years brought struggle and turmoil , God had a plan . He lived a double life for quite a few years . On the surface , he was a happily married man with two daughters , but he was sinning really well in private . As I thought about Paul today , I began to think of my brother Ken and wanted to share a piece of his story with you ; I believe that Ken is one of God 's trophies . Oh by the way , when he got older we had to stop calling him Kenny , he was now Ken . ( smile ) These days , Ken serves God as well as he served the devil , the world and his own flesh . He is in love with Jesus and brings the good news of salvation to any who will hear . He ministers love with his smiling eyes and kind words . He is a trophy of the love of God . Share this : TwitterFacebookMorePinterestEmailPrintLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted on October 16 , 2016 , in Faith , Family , miscellaneous , Relationship and tagged Faith , Family , happy , Life , Personal , Thoughts . Leave a comment Aug18 Good Morning , it has been an hour now since I woke up . It is about 5 : 30 . When I wake up in the early morning hours , I wake up wide awake and I know that I must get up and get with God . I don 't feel Him , I don 't see Him , but I know I am with Him . And , I know that He has something that I am to pray about . Recently , there are several things that have happened to those I care about . A few years ago I would have been worried , even fearful for them . Today , I know that my Father in Heaven holds them in His hand and I can trust that He knows what is needed to bring them to full dependence upon Him . That is His goal . My mind wanders around as I pray for my loved ones . I see them in my mind 's eye . I see characteristics , pitfalls they may have fallen into and I pray that God will set them free . The Bible says that in this world there will be trouble ; we could all say AMEN to that . If it stopped there we would have every right as believers in Jesus to feel wretched . However , that is not the end of the story . Peter the apostle , tells us that God gave us great and precious promises so that we could escape the lust that is in the world . In our American Christian mindset we most often think of lust in terms of sex . It is more than that . Lust takes many forms . In Eden Adam and Eve lusted to be like God as they listened to the lie of the snake . They felt that there was something God had denied them . The evil one accused God to them saying , " God knows that in the day that you eat of the fruit you will be like God . " Why is this a lie ? Because Adam had been created " in the image and likeness of God " . Adam looked just like God . The same authority that God had over Heaven , Adam had over Eden . He lacked nothing … except one thing , a companion like himself , so God made Eve from one of Adam 's ribs . Eve also bore the image and likeness of God since she was created by God from Adam 's rib . They had a perfect environment . They lived in perfect relationship with God . It was like Heaven on earth , that is until the adversary sowed doubt and introduced lust into the picture . Paradise was lost . What do you lust after ? Power , fame , fortune , a good reputation ? Some lust after food , some lust after knowledge . Lust is nothing more than idolatry and it can take many forms . It is a " sneaky " spirit that first must deceive the mind before it possesses the soul . When I was a young married woman I lusted after my husband . I wanted to be with him all the time . Though I did not see it at the time I wanted to possess him . I cried if he wanted to go outside and I made him miserable if he wanted to be alone . I " needed " him . Thank God He did not allow my husband to fulfill my lust ! I had an emotional deficit that I wanted him to fill . I did not know at that time that I was created with a God - sized vacuum and only God could fill it . It would be many miserable years before my eyes were opened to the truth and I trusted Jesus to be Lord of my life . Man is a spirit and when a person comes into relationship with God through Jesus we say that he is saved or born - again . Since man is a spiritual being the Bible says that we become " a new creature in Christ Jesus . " The essence of meaning is " something that never existed before . " This transformation is immediate . The Bible says that a believer is " seated with Christ in Heavenly places " . That is in the spiritual realm . It is a legal position . It carries with it Heaven 's authority . The church is called the " Body of Christ " and each person likened to a member of the Body . Thus each person has a part to play in the well - being of the Body . When one part of your body is in distress your whole being feels distressed . This is why God leads us to pray for one another . The soul houses the mind ( not your brain ) , the will and the emotions , including your affections , and when your are born - again it enters into a process called salvation . You are saved from your past sins , being saved presently and will be saved in the future . Depending on your former lifestyle , this can be messy and you need to be patient with yourself and others as God crafts you into the image He has of you . It is essential that one who comes to Jesus must commit himself to the Lord with all that he knows of himself at that point in time . It is absolutely essential that he get a Bible that he can understand so he will read it . By the way , do not be pressured that you must devour the whole thing at once . Just start a regular program of Bible reading . There are many fine Bibles and Bible studies that will help you grow spiritually . Prayer is the conversation of a believing heart with God . If you want a relationship with someone you spend time with them , you talk to them about yourself and they talk to you about themselves . It is called , " Getting to know you " . ( smile ) Take some time every day to be with Him . God wants you to know Him and though He knows you more than you know yourself , He wants you to bring everything to Him . He loves you so much . Share this : TwitterFacebookMorePinterestEmailPrintLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted on August 18 , 2016 , in Faith , miscellaneous , Relationship and tagged Adam and Eve , authority , body , Christian , Eden , Emotions , Faith , God , Jesus , Kingdom of God , Life , Love , power , prayer , soul , spirit . Leave a comment I woke up this morning at 3 : 33 . The number three stands for trinity , it is the number of God . This led me to my subject today : Roots . What are our roots , where do we come from ? We are body , soul and spirit . God is Father , Son and Holy Spirit . God created mankind , He made us man and woman and out of that union comes a child . Three , in God 's economy a beautiful number . As I lay there , I began to meditate on last night 's experience . The church is having Vacation Bible School this week for the children . They are brought to church where they are taught that God created them , that He loves them , that they are special and He has a good plan for their lives . I noticed that there were children of many ethnicities there . How wonderful , how delightful and how unique each child is . Some children are outgoing , energetic and fun - loving , others are quiet and observant . Some children love to raise their hand to answer every question and others never make a move , afraid they will be called on to answer a question . There are children who are taller than others of the same age , or one may be more " fluffy " than another , but they all are learning how to live , how to be a person ever moving toward being an adult . There are many reasons why people are unhappy with themselves or others . One very good reason is that some of us are taught to hate when we are very little people . Rejection is perhaps one of the biggest issues that most of us face . Some of us don 't feel we measure up to someone 's standards of perfection and so we hate ourselves and cannot come to the place of acceptance and peace with who we are . There are others who hate people who are different in some way than they are , perhaps it is the color of skin , religion or some other prejudice . I recall a song from " The Mikado " about children being taught to hate . " You have to be taught , you have to be carefully taught . " There are organizations whose whole base is hate , they teach their children to hate , perpetuating the work of the adversary of God . I think it must be said that blind acceptance of what is sin in God 's eyes , taught as tolerance , is not what God teaches in His Word . God hates sin because it separates us from Him . He loves family and like any good father He wants to be with His kids . God 's Spirit is always reaching out to draw us closer to Him in order that we might be forgiven and be in relationship with our Father . God convicts never condemns His children . The theme for this year 's VBS is Norway : a fishing village . Since I am Scandinavian by my roots , I thought it would be an especially unique time . Well , it was , but not as I thought it would be . I was looking for teaching about the roots of the Norwegian people , but it was about modern Norway . I am reminded of Englishman John Newton who wrote the song " Amazing Grace " and his part as a slave trader in destroying many African people before he came to faith in God . People capturing and using people , selling people , is not new . It proves that there is evil in the world and it accentuates the goodness and love of God . There is a certain amount of pride that comes with identifying with an ethnic group . My husband is 100 % Norwegian by background and his family is proud of it . But , it is finding ourselves in the family of God that changes our life and makes us contributing members of society . We can find our family origin , our roots . We can find our place in history and still not find ourselves and our part in the world in which we live . God created man . Our original roots are in Him . He is the designer , the manufacturer and when the product needed to be recalled , redeemed , He came to earth as the God - man , Yeshua from the town of Nazareth in Israel to do the job . Apart from God you are defective . Come to God through Yeshua ( Jesus ) , He is the manufacturers representative . He is The Way . You will find your roots in Him and you will grow up to be the man or woman of God that Father planned for from the beginning . The way is open to whoever will come . You will be changed . You will find yourself in Him ; real life will begin . Will you come today ? Share this : TwitterFacebookMorePinterestEmailPrintLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted on July 27 , 2016 , in Belief , Christian Faith , Faith , miscellaneous , Relationship and tagged Alex Haley , Amazing Grace , Family , Father , Geneaology , God , Norway , Rejection , Roots , Yeshua - Jesus . Leave a comment The Ascender 's TouchHope For the Best , Expect the Excellent ! Providing Newfound Hope One Day At A Time . ❤️ Be Inspired . . ! ! Listen to your inner self . . it has all the answers . . Daily GodA Quiet Time with Sandra MeyerMbostrom2 's BlogJust another WordPress . com siteStoryshuckerA blog full of humorous and poignant observations . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
|
Posted on June 27 , 2015 by 40andover Reply Dad 's world is closing in . He can understand some things . But , he no longer tries to understand the intricacies of his care , his insurance , etc . He refers any material matters to his children . I think that is freeing for him , even as it is an admission - a resignation - that he can 't navigate the bigger world anymore . We are here to catch him before he falls . But at my son 's Bar Mitzvah , when he slowly came to the Bimah and - relying decades ' old some - kind - of - muscle memory - chanted the prayers before my son read Torah , I imagined that Dad understood that his grandson was being called to Torah as a Bar Mitzvah . Linking the past with the present . From generation to generation . But did he understand what happened ? Did he understand that his grandson accepted his birthright to become a Bar Mitzvah ? To hold the Torah and read from it ? Silence . Resolution . Generational connection lost . I could feel it in my son 's look and posture . I felt a desperation to keep the connection alive . " Well , this week , he told the visiting nurse how his grandson read from Torah so beautifully ! ! Some days the light is on and others he is a little in the dark . But he knew it then and sometimes he knows it now . " On Friday afternoon , ULOB was not answering his phone . POULOB , panicked , called SOB . SOB ran to ULOB 's fourth floor walk up in Hell 's Kitchen ( where he lives in voluntary squalor ) . She found him , half dead . He had tripped on a cord and probably grabbed for the chair ( with piles of stuff on it ) and brought everything down on top of him . SIDEBAR : We had been begging him to use LifeAlert for so long . But he is stubborn and independent . You could buy him every gadget in the work and he won 't crack open the box , let alone wear it . He doesn 't use an umbrella when it rains . Why ? " My father never did . " ULOB had been lying there for quite a while ( based on the level of dehydration ) . Had SOB not gotten there when she did . . . . Well , let 's just say that she found him in the nick of time . SIDEBAR : What a difference a day makes . His friend Frank spoke to him on Thursday afternoon . By Friday afternoon , his world had changed . SOB " unburied " him , got him water , and called an ambulance . She called BOB ( who was in town , taking the Dad call ) to meet her . SOB rode in the ambulance . BOB and POULOB came later . Still , SOB did not call me . She wanted me to have a fun weekend in Boston . Even if she was left to deal with ULOB while the other adults were kicking back with cold ones . Even holding back the the gross details of what happened to the urine - soaked pants , and ULOB 's aspiration of gross smoker 's phlegm . Saturday afternoon , I turned my phone off after seeing my college friends . I really wanted to disconnect a little . What could happen in 12 hours ? Hell , I didn 't even know about the last 24 hours . Sunday morning , the hotel phone woke me . POB , who was having her own nightmarish weekend tending to her much - diminished and ornery father , called and said , " Call your sister . It is not your Dad . " When I arrived , ULOB was on the ventilator but he was alert , hungry and cranky . In reasonable shape , all things considered . We will take the future day by day . Strong work , SOB . From now on , I will sleep with my phone beside my ear . I will never let you go through an episode like this again without me right next to you . I had arranged to drive up to her house in late April , but I got sick . And no one who is a friend goes , when sick , to see someone undergoing chemo . And I knew that to battle my friend 's cancer , the doctors were taking out the big " chemo " guns . The remedy would eradicate the cancer , but she had to survive the remedy . I worried every day about that . ( The perils of having a doctor in the family . ) I waited 30 minutes , and still I was early . I couldn 't wait anymore . I pulled up to the house . Her husband and I hugged . Very soon afterward , my friend comes down the stairs . Thinner . With a head scarf . But , same smile . Same beautiful eyes . My friend . An indomnitable spirit and with a certain grace that even poison cannot kill . And then she took off her scarf and showed me that her hair was growing back . I ran my hands over the short growth . It was good to feel softness . The regrowth process started gently . I was glad to think that recovery might be as gentle and kind from here on out . And she is beautiful without hair . And she was relaxed and happy to laugh and recount some of the crazy , Seinfeld - like , stories of various people 's reactions . And eager to listen about the crazy stuff in my life and in Soeur J 's life . Soeur J lives not too far and rearranged her schedule to match mine ( thank you ) . Tears ? Of gratitude that my friend survived chemo . Of gratitude for her and Soeur J 's friendship . Of gratitude that I , a healthy person , and my friend could look each other in the eyes and be grateful for the moment , the years of friendship , and an abiding love . I have a dear friend who is battling cancer . She recently had her beautiful black hair ( no gray ) cut off because it was falling out in clumps . She was scared to look in the mirror . I haven 't seen my friend without her hair , but I expect she looks beautiful . Just as Letty 's friend is beautiful . Because , when I look at my friend , I won 't see her lack of hair . I will see her love of life and family and a resolve to live . Even with horrible treatments that would test anyone 's will . I used to think , if I had cancer , I would just let it run its course . I would not go to extraordinary lengths and live in misery for months on end , just for the possibility of a cure . I would die young and leave lots of life insurance for my family . But I see my friend now . And my plan is not so easy anymore . I see that she needs to live for her husband , her children , her parents and , yes , us , her friends for 30 + years . My friend is fighting hard and her friends are fighting mad that this happened . And , through my friend , I learned that my clever plan was just plain selfish . I need to live for my family , my friends and all those I love . And I need to live for me and the joys ( and pain ) that come with every day on this earth . I was feeling pretty ok this morning . And I needed to get out of the house . And I was despondent over missing a Soeur reunion in Cancun . And my bras didn 't provide the necessary level of support . So , off I schlepped to the local mecca for women 's undergarments . This is the place where , for decades ( until her death ) , the Dowager Countess of Ladies ' Undergarments would cup your breasts in her hands and yell out a size and style and point you to one of the dressing rooms . And if she determined that your current bra was ill - fitting , she would pitch a loud fit . You had to have self - esteem or you needed to be high to deal with her . I never went while the Dowager was alive . Sidebar : OKOKOKOKOKOKOKOKOK , really ? She remembered ? And I was here to rectify that . I was thinking that I wasn 't feeling better ; I was just delirious . And why do you think I don 't go bra ( other than sports bra ) shopping often , huh ? A little humiliation every other decade or so lasts a looooooong time . Bessie commented on each : " Now that one make you almost look perky ! " " You don 't fill that up anymaw . Betcha you did once ! " " Now , that is a beautiful cup on you ! ! " " It don 't matter what color it is . A good fittin ' bra is a good fittin ' bra . You don 't turn your nose at a good fittin ' bra . Not when we 's our age ! ! " " I 'll jest put this in the buy pile . " She walked away . Ten bras ( of varying colors ; some electrically so , some not ) later , she went to find matching bottoms . I prevailed on nixing the dull blue and brown striped one that was almost like a bikini top . We arrived home at the same time and had a little rest hour . And then POB and SOS set about making a cheesecake for SOS 's friend who is recovering from serious back surgery . Our hearts were on standby to be broken if anything went wrong . An 11 year - old 's undergoing serious back surgery is a parent 's every nightmare . He came through like the champion he is . And he wanted cheesecake . " Then , give the boy a cheesecake , " said ( and did ) POB and SOS . SIDERBAR : Hey , there needs to be a slacker in every family . I proudly claim that mantel . In fact , I " gold - medal " in it , without the need for performance enhancement drugs . ( It is a non - performing sport . ) Posted on January 18 , 2013 by 40andover My daily mantra : " It is what it is " . Nope , not the serenity prayer . Serenity doesn 't accomplish the gritty tasks of daily life . And the serenity prayer implies I am good with the some of the things that children or nieces and nephews should never have to know about their elders . First , family secrets are meant to be kept secret . That is why they were secrets in the first place . Because no one would understand and the younger generation would be saddened . Not horrified ( because this is 2013 ) but saddened about these lives as they had to be lived . ( No , I am not talking about Dad . OTHER relatives in our care . ) So , health care is flawed . It is a morass . It is frustrating . It isn 't the well - intentioned attendant 's fault ; it isn 't the overwhelmed agency 's fault ; it isn 't the government 's fault . ( Sure there are bad people out there , but let 's discount that factor for a moment . ) Illness is at fault . It is a problem that we are not all health care professionals who can leave our jobs to care for our loved ones . Forget Federal Medical Leave Act during bad economic times . Most people are too scared that there will be some other pretext for the employer to fire them . When you delegate , you lose control of the outcome . That is why there was poison in toothpaste imported from China . That is why we throw away electronics when they stop working because it is cheaper to buy new than to fix the old . People don 't fit into an economic model . There is value in keeping people healthy ; there is joy in adding quality to the waning years . There is pain when science keeps the body going after the mind and soul have left . I have lived the cushy private system for only a few days and it is hell . When a patient can 't help him or herself , then it doesn 't matter who is providing the service . If you are lucky , you can telecommute and keep an eye on the situation and reassure your loved one , with your words , hell , with just your presence . But most people are not so lucky . Dad remembered my name today . He was true to his word last night . He also remembered a host of other crazy facts and information . We all thought he earned that scotch tonight with his hors d ' oeuvres . ( Ok , let 's be honest , club soda with a splash of the good stuff . ) Clap if you agree . ( Yes , we hear you . Thanks . ) Dad came home yesterday afternoon . He was relieved to be home . There is an amazing " muscle memory " about being home . He knew how to motor around the house to find the things he wanted even though he was wobbly on his feet and could not put the words together to talk to us . Also , we ordered a wheelchair , a walker and a cane because we didn 't know his needs . Shortly after he got home , he wanted very much to call the United Jewish Appeal but the reason made no sense . And it was the Sabbath . His frustration was rising and logic wasn 't working . So I dialed POB 's cell and I said ( actually , I was desperately directing her ) , " Dad needs to speak to the UJA , so pretend . " I passed the phone to Dad , and turned up the volume so SOB and I could hear . " Hello , Mr . [ DOB ] , this is " Rachel " from the UJA . Thank you for your pledge . . . . " She went on until Dad said , " ok , thank you very much . " Dad was satisfied and almost looked as if he would nap . . . Nah , no luck . SOS was scared to see Grandpa injured . We were all scared of the future . BOB was busy cleaning out all of his junk mail and organizing recent files . Man on a mission . We all found ways to soothe our individual terror at our new reality . When SOS , POB and HOSOB arrived , we all gathered around and went through recent pictures to jog his memory . SOB and I had previously gone out shopping and HOSOB brought some liquid relaxation ( wine ) . By this point , it was " cocktails and hors d ' oeuvres " hour because that is the way one does things in Dad 's house . Since he wasn 't so steady on his feet , we pretended to give him a " scotch " but it was club soda . The upside of a little dementia - he thought it was scotch . Cousin Gentle arrived later on . By the time we ate dinner , he knew that he was surrounded by family , and very happily so , but only remembered the names of the eldest , Cousin Gentle , and the youngest , SOS . Also , his evening attendant ate with us , so we could weave her into the fabric of the day ( and she is lovely in any event ) . BOB stayed until today , so at around 9 : 30 , the rest could leave for much deserved rest . By morning , Dad was better , but still inconsistent in strength , gait and comprehension . Dad was using the walker and BOB was playing in the wheelchair . BOB challenged Dad to a race . It was actually very funny to watch them go back and forth . A little insanity amid pervasive insanity is very healing . And it demonstrated that Dad 's personality is intact . It is his memory that needs work . He started to nod off after lunch and had a long nap . SOB and I went out to get supplies and some fresh air because we were either trying to keep Dad engaged or listen for any sign of a problem while he slept . We saw this in the drug store and thought it captured our feelings - we just wanted to SCREAM out of fear , frustration , lack of control , uncertainty of the future , you name it : He woke up able to walk without any support but the real proof that Dad was Phoenix rising was that he did not go for the fake scotch at cocktail hour . I had to put a little scotch in the club soda so there was a faint smell of liquor . Dad was still not happy but mollified somewhat . POB was talking to Dad and he had some good recall of random things . And , he was even grousing about the fake cocktail . I overheard this , and I said , " Dad , you have to earn that cocktail ! ! Get strong , get steady , get your memory back ! ! " Everyone laughed . My father saluted me . He knows his kids are his bosses - his essential personality shining through . Posted on June 11 , 2011 by 40andover Reply Some back story ( again ) . TLP ( our son , the little prince ) asked BYP ( beautiful young princess ) to marry him two years ago . BYP said , " Sure ! ! " And they have been betrothed ever since the tender age of 7 years - old . The Yiddish name for the relationship between parents of a married couple is " machertunim " . The mothers are " machertenesters " and the father is a " shver " ( not a really pleasant translation ) . How did we find out ? Our machertenester was emailing from her blackberry to tell us because they had to cancel our dinner plans for tonight . Really ? Really ? That was on your mind as you recover from surgery ? [ Blogger side bar : I am thinking , WAIT , WAS THAT WRITTEN IN THE SAME WAY AS , " Sorry , we couldn 't get a babysitter " ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Really , machertenester ? What , all of sudden , you like minimalist and Bauhaus in an emotional context ? Are you too assimilated ? ] " OMG , what happened ? " " What do you mean ' OMG what happened ? ' You have an out of office message about an unanticipated absence ! I am freaking out ! " " No , you can 't freak out because YOU - U - U had major surgery ? " " Not so major ; it was caught before the rupture . What did you have done ? " " Endoscopy , with Michael Jackson drugs . " " And you thought you were going to the office after THAT ? " " Should we take the kids ? Do you need ANYTHING ? " [ I am thinking if she said , " New cable box or blender " I would have gotten it for her . ] Posted on June 10 , 2011 by 40andover 1 This morning I had an endoscopy . For stomach , esophagus and duodenum . Not colon , thank G - d . But first the back story . DOB ( father of blogger ) has horrible reflux . SOB ( sister of blogger ) sometimes has bad digestive episodes , but she never complains . DOB , however , does complain , but if you ask him , he would say that he just describes the sensations searing through his digestive system . [ You can tell that the family parses these distinctions at the dinner table because , after all , Jews can talk about anything with their mouths full . A curse and a blessing , that tribal trait . But I digress from my back story . ] Like DOB , like Blogger . I try to be more like stoic SOB , but recently I had become concerned about the severity of the reflux . I even went to a doctor last Friday . SOB went with me , in case I did not present the key elements of my " case " . ( Doctors are that way . ) The GI Guy ( gastro - intestinal doctor ) lectured me on how I need regular check - ups and screenings . Maybe GI Guy is a mind reader because he suggested that I consider an endoscopy . Or more probably , based on my sparse history of going to doctors , he must have realized that I must be concerned if I was in his office . We set today as the date for a look - see down my throat . Then , SOB reiterated the lecture about getting checked out regularly . So , I asked her if she practices what she preaches . Pause . I told her that she was unashamedly hypocritical . Anyway , enough back story . Fast forward to this morning at 6AM . I picked up SOB in a cab and we went over to fancy shmancy East Side for the procedure . But at 6AM , even the tony , tony neighborhoods look like hell : Still , I am not so unnerved by this . I figure a relaxant and then a tube and a few pictures and that 's that . And there was a spa two doors down … The anesthesiologist shows up . ANESTHESIOLOGIST ? ? ? ? ? He mumbles questions and we had a little Marx Brothers routine , where he asked questions in English mumble , SOB translated into English non - mumble and then I answered in Blogger - ese . SOB then had to translate into doctor - speak . It could have been the United Nations , except we were all speaking some dialect of American English . Thank G - d for SOB . She gave me a good luck kiss on my forehead , but I knew she was staying right next to the anesthesiologist . She is my bodyguard and I am hers . In went the IV and the propophyl ( the stuff that killed Michael Jackson ) . I had to bite down on a plastic ring and off to sleep I went . I was awakened after the " scope " and tissue was scraped for biopsies . I stayed loopy for a while . GI Guy 's assistant told me : Do not to resume normal activities ( she doesn 't know that no one ever ascribes " normal " to anything I do ) ; do not go to work ; do not make any important decisions ; and do not sign legal documents ; do not make business decisions . As if directed at me specifically , she told me : Do not do anything that requires unimpaired concentration or judgment . I don 't get it ; that is how I live every day .
|
The Meezers on these pages have been adopted and are now in their new homes . These pages allow the adopters to provide updates and pictures of their new cats for their friends and our volunteers to see . Only cats with updates are listed below . If you are an adopter and would like to make an Update , visit your Application Status page and look in the Previously Adopted section for the Update button . I am feeling so much better already ! No fleas , my ears are clean , and the food is served in a timely manner . I hear things are only going to get better for me now . I 'm with my brother Mikkel and we are great buddies at the moment . We play and snuggle together . New pictures coming soon ! I might be an all American type meezer ( okay I 'm a bit mixey ) but I am gorgeous , smart , and don 't forget I am a sassy one too . 3 / 17 - Mia still loves my iPad . She has more games she plays when she is not outside enjoying her enclosed porch . She loves the rattan sofa on the porch and makes herself very comfortable . She has a great view of the golf course and can watch the ducks and geese . We may have enclosed the porch for ourselves , but Miki and Mia get more use out of it . ( Last update : Mar 8th , 2017 1pm ) My owner died and I ended up at the shelter . I have had an exam with the " works " and my blood work looks good . Also had a dental to get rid of some bad teeth so I am feeling good and starting to play . Fine with other kitties . She did it for three times so far , preferable at nights , looking very nervous with her tail at low position and saying " meow " all the time . Helen was focused on preforming main floor complete recognition . She walked constantly around all the perimeters of any room she found on her way ( Kitchen , living room , dining room , family room , entrance lobby and sun room . . . ufff until she jumped to the kitchen counter and walked for recognition too . . hahaha , then after that she jumped to the sofa and went under the sofa . While she was doing all that , i got some pictures on the act that i will share too . I was confident that she will stay downstairs more time with us after recognizing , but no , she is still afraid to leave the master - bedroom completely . In summary , we believe that Helen progress is going very well , probably more time is needed for her . Helen is very talkative , very sweet princess and she loves to sleep on my side ! ! . . The only thing she does not like very much is when i give to her a big hug . . . . looks like she gets mad . . . haha . 1 . During the otoscopic exam it was found that internal ears were filled with lots of black debris , so a sample was taken to microscopic exam and results came up with bacteria that are being treated with antibiotics . Fortunately , result was negative for Ear Mites that is a known severe issue in cats . 1 - The new otoscopic lab exam came up clean of bacterial elements . That means the previously drops prescription helped to keep her ears canals clean . However , just for ears maintenance , it has been prescribed a cleaning solution " OtiRinse " for a once a week application . In regards to Helen 's adaptation , WOW ! ! . . it has been amazing how fast it has been in less than two months ! ! . . I can say now that Helen is 100 % adapted and bonded to everyone at home . Helen has became a wonderful and a blessing member of the family . We give her lots of love everyday and we receive from her lots of affection . Found as a stray , out in the cold , with a badly cut and infected foot - the lady who found me knew that this wasn 't the life I deserved and here I am - safe and warm and loved and fed . In spite of a terrible cut on my foot - I lost part of two of my toes ! - and the pain I was in , that didn 't stop me from being friendly and loving people . I love everyone I meet , and charmed them all at the vet 's office . I had to spend over a week there getting my foot tended . I am finally out of confinement in my playpen , and am no longer wearing the " cone of shame " . I 'm glad be here , I like my Millie bed , and I 'm eating and drinking . The other cats have poked their noses in at me and it hasn 't upset me . My foot is healing nicely , if slowly , but it 's always going to be smaller than my other paw ( I 'm polydactyl ! ) If you want a laid back boy with many toes on the left foot , and don 't mind missing ones on my right foot , then ask about me ! More pictures of me coming soon if the sun ever comes out ! Notes from Home Hemingway is a very sweet boy who loves to be with his family . He loves lap time and loves to play and wrestle with Tuukka . He is so much fun and we 're very lucky to have him . When he came to us two years ago he weighed 7 lbs and was just getting over a very serious foot injury . Today he is a very solid , strong boy who weighs just over 15 pounds and is super healthy . He also had some digestive issues which we were able to solve by feeding him a grain free food . No issues with that now . And you 'd never know he had such a traumatic foot injury - he 's bounced back from that very well . I know his foster mom ( Jackie ) really loved him up while she had him , and he was very lucky to have had her before he found us ! ❤️❤️ I arrived after an hour drive & have checked out every inch of my foster room . I found a new banana cat nip toy & that 's my new friend . I think I 'm going to be very comfy here with my foster mom until my new family finds me . I have already chatted with my foster mom as to what my likes & dislikes are at this point , so I think she has the message ! I want to be spoiled & doted over ! Is that too much to ask for ? ? ! ! P . S . - I just had my Senior Blood work done & had a few teeth pulled , so I 'm fit as a fiddle & just a youngin at heart ! ! ! Life is good ! 3 / 7 / 17 . Charlotte and I continued to bond over the next year . The depth of our relationship grew so much more than I ever expected . Unfortunately she developed GI problems a month ago and did not respond to treatment . This week she was definitively diagnosed with cancer and this afternoon I had my little girl relieved of her suffering . Charlotte was a sweet girl and a close companion . She was also aBIG talker with a real Meezer voice . She especially liked to talk to my friends on the phone . I will miss her deeply . 2016 Charlotte and I have been together for almost a year . Apologies for not giving any update sooner . It seems as though every month we get to know more about each other and get closer . At this point I think the bond is quite strong . She is attached to me almost every minute of the day that I am home . When I was looking to adopt one of my criteria was to get a cat who would sleep under the covers with me . Well , Charlotte is the supreme undercover cat . She will stay under The covers day and night if conditions permit . As soon as I turn out the light Charlotte zips under the covers and curls up between my arms and my chest and purrs me to sleep . She is the best sleeping pill ever . Addictive but non - narcotic . When my alarm goes off in the morning her Paw immediately slaps down on my arm as if to say how dare you get up . When I do get up she comes out from the covers just enough to rest her head on my pillow but the rest of her is still under the covers and she will stay there asleep for several hours to come . Charlotte is one of the sweetest cats I 've ever known . She is very easy - going about letting me clip her nails even when I draw blood she doesn 't flinch . She 's very gentle and never uses her claws on people . She does use her scratching post regularly and never scratches any furniture or anything else . She is the first cat that I 've had with claws and she 's been wonderful . Charlotte has been trying to train me not to take phone calls or to play with my iPhone . Whenever I do either of those things she starts to meow at full voice loud enough for most of the neighborhood to hear . She is quite a talker . She talks when she 's hungry . She tells me about her day . She discusses why she does or doesn 't like a certain food week . The Sometimes she screams because she wants me to pick her up and just hold her because she hasn 't seen me for at least five minutes . She 's a silly girl and I certainly never feel alone . All in all I think we are a good match . We both have our quirks but they seem to go together fairly well . Charlotte sends her love to Debi A . and Kathy M . and everyone else who helped her during the two times she was in rescue . Described as overly affectionate , incredibly loving , vocal and just the best , I lost my owners about six months ago and since then have been pretty lonely ; while I 've been well cared for , it 's not the same as having my own family . No dogs or small kids please , but lots and lots of attention - I must be able to sleep with you in bed every night ! I 'm hyperthyroid and do take meds to control that , but you can 't go wrong if you love the male Siamese personality ! ( Aunt Siri 's current fave ! ) No new pictures yet Just arrived and pretty rough looking but after my bath , I look like a new kitty . Small guy with lots of love and very sweet personality . I am missing my right eye so need to get to vet and checked out . Otherwise , I seem to be in pretty good shape . More later . This little guy has stolen our hearts . He is so funny and lovable and entertaining . We have enjoyed watching him blossom into a fearless warrior who will attack anything and everything . He easily entertains himself with any toy and loves bugging his sister , Ivy . Luckily , Ivy doesn 't let him get the best of her and of course , chasing each other through the house happens on a daily basis . He is truly a wonderful addition to our family and we are so happy to have him in our lives . Wow , I can 't believe how much progress Vinnie has made in 3 weeks . When he first arrived , he cowered in the corner and wouldn 't even look at us when we entered the room , let alone pet him . He then spent a lot of time behind the couch and would run back to it whenever we came near him . But now , he chases every toy , explores the entire house , and loves to be petted . He easily entertains himself with any toy or shadow but he also loves to chase the wand around the house . He still bumps into things when he is playing but he is so focused on the toy , he doesn 't look up to see where he is going . He enjoys chasing after his sister , Ivy , but she will put him in his place . He has the squeakiest little voice and he is starting to use it . He has jumped up on the bed with us at night but he doesn 't stay . It could be because Ivy has taken over and sits at the edge of the bed ready to hiss at him when he jumps up . Here it is six months later and this big guy has made so many changes . He is definitely doing better on his perception and isn 't running into things as often . He is also letting us pick him up a little and has decided he likes it . He still tears through the house , chases his sister , Ivy , and plays with anything that moves . But he will also curl up in our laps and take a bath and he loves to lay on anything high . He definitely has made himself at home . He 's our sweet big guy . Wow , that year went by fast . He is definitely not the scared little boy we brought home who sat in the corner with his head toward the wall and his behind towards us . He greets us at the door when he hears the garage door and is so excited to see us . He loves chasing our toes , balls with bells , and his sister . He is also this big lovable boy who will flop down on his side to be petted . He is letting us hold him longer and we are even able to clip his nails since he loves to use anything and everything for a scratching post . He is such a wonderful funny boy who brings joy to our hearts . I wanted to send another update . Oliver and I are doing very well ( Rich has been out of town for a few weeks so they will have to bond when he gets home ) . Oliver shadows me some ( once he feels our dog is not paying attention to him ) . He cuddles on the cough with me and sometimes in the bed at night . I even got him to play with one of our cat toys last week . It was so adorable ! The toy was a long feathery thing on the end of a wand ( it actually used to be our other Siamese rescue 's favorite ) . He watched intently from the moment I started waving it around so I knew he was interested . I kept going and he finally took a tentative swat . Then he became more sure of himself and eventually tried to " catch " it in his mouth and run off . We love him ! No problems with our other cat . Hobbes ( the german shepherd ) sometimes gets excited and tries to chase him and bring him dog toys to play with . Oliver is starting to realize Hobbes is harmless and stand his ground . I came out into the kitchen this morning and Hobbes was standing in front of him wagging his tail and he had dropped his dog toy right in front of Oliver , hoping he would play . So , again , we are all doing well and I wanted to update yall on helping facilitate an excellent match . Tiberius ( aka Little Dino ) is doing great ! He loves to play and fetches his mouse for me . he purrs all the time and sounds like a tribble . . . . He is a squeakier and a true siamese . . . what an ego ! He plays with jack all the time and sometimes Jack has to jump up high to relax . . Pretty soon that will not be possible as Ti is growing fast . . . July 8 , 2012 - I have been here since March 4 , 2012 . I am a pretty happy cat . I love to play with my brother Jack , I love to fetch my toy mouse and anthing else I can find . One day , I brought a small pillow into the bed from down the hall . I read what it said and had to make sure that Mommy and Daddy read it . It said , " Don 't trust anyone who doesn 't like cats . " I suppose that I am a bit of a comedian . One day , I took a roll of paper towels and brought it down the hall into the music room . You can see from the picture that Mommy took what I did with them . I have it pretty good here because I am so happy and very much loved . I am having the best time her in my new home ! Jack and I run up and down the stairs and Daddy and Mommy play with us every day ! We have lots of fun and the food is very good . I know because I taste everyone 's dish ! I had a few medical problems but Mommy works at an Animal Hospital and took care of me ! Daddy had a wireless camera on the litter box to see what was wrong with me and I am feeling much better now . Monday , March 4 , 2013 is my forever home anniversary date . I can say that it has been a great year . Mommy and Daddy play with me and so does by brother , Jack . Lursa , the senior member of the house , now 20 , even likes me . Mommy and Daddy say that I am the definition of " joy . " Thank you Siamese Rescue for looking out for me . Love , Tiberius March 4 , 2014 is my two year anniversary in my " forever " home . All is great ! Mom and Dad take the best care of me . I am loved ! Oh , and look for me in this year 's Siamese Rescue calendar . I am Mr . September 2014 . March 4 , 2015 . Hi All ! Today is my third anniversary in my " forever " home . I am pleased to report that I am in great health and am having the time of my life . I have cats to play with and Mommy and Daddy didn 't think that they could possibly love me any more than they did but they tell me that they do . They call me the most " joyous " cat that they have ever met . Love , Tiberius March 4 , 2016 . Tiberius could not be more loved . He is the most joyful cat that we have ever adopted and I have to tell you that we have had many beautiful and loving cats over the years . Thank you Siamese Rescue and Auntie JoAnn for our little present . 2017 - Tiberius continues to thrive with us . He is such a happy and joyful cat . Yes , I keep using the word " joyful " because that is the best way to describe him . ( Last update : Mar 5th , 2017 11am ) Well , here I am with my daughter Minnie . We are a couple of stray girls just hanging out in this new place called a house with cushy things to sleep on and where it 's nice and warm all the time . We get food every day . And we have lots of toys to play with . Oh , and we have each other . We 're not so sure about humans , but they are useful for the occasional head scritch , and most of all - filling the food bowls . Ask about us if you have room in your heart for two beautiful , very shy girls who would grace your home with our presence .
|
Month : June 2016 Cyberpunk City Part II So this is a sort of companion piece that goes along with thefirst part of this story . the stories are set at the same time so that anyone who reads both will be able to compare the events and see where they meet up . I know it isn 't original as an idea but it came to me after i had started writing this one so i will be going back to the first part and making as few changes to make them sync up better . there will also be a third part to this that i would like to say is coming soon but my motivation is still rather dead right now so … enjoy ? The Sty . A run down and god forsaken hole where even the most desperate people fear to go , a haven to criminals and a home to only those who can find nowhere else to go . The streets were piled with scrap and junk that kids would dig through for anything of value . The shops were run down , offering what little they had at extortionate prices . The rats ran free and only the tops of the tallest buildings escaped the filth . The faint neon lights that list up the alleys flickered and died and the only buildings that seemed to prosper in the lowest regard where the bars where the desperate inhabitants would drink away their woes . The food supplies that the main city shipped in never spread far enough and people would go hungry more often than not . Every corner was a danger as people lay in wait for anyone who they could pilfer for money or even just food . The sty was the only place in Indus where physical money was still widely traded , the rest of the city having progressed to non - physical forms of currency such as fingertip scanners . The three districts of the city were a blight on Indus ' clean and ordered image , an unsightly disease that they had tried repeatedly to cut out to no success . Kurt Harron woke up . It wasn 't the slow , waking up that movie characters seem to experience , where they slowly regain consciousness and roll over in their massive beds to see their loved ones beside them . it was more like a switch had been flipped , one second he was asleep , the next his eyes were open and he was wide awake . If Kurt had rolled over he would have seen nothing but a wall a foot away from him in either direction . Kurt was in a small pod in a collection of hundreds of pods that lined the walls of the cubicle hotel in which Kurt had decided to sleep . There was only one feature to the otherwise blanks walls that had yellowed badly in the years since the pod had been installed . A small potted plant stood in the corner of the pod , a few inches from Kurt 's head . It was fake of course and barely more than twelve inches from pot to top most leaf but some strange part of Kurt had taken a liking to it when he had seen it and so he had stolen it . Sliding down in the pod Kurt managed to slide the curtain aside with his boot and pushed himself from the pod , dropping a few feet to the floor . the was no movement anywhere in the rest of the hotel complex , but that was to be expected being the middle of the night so no one saw Kurt leave , pausing only for a moment to glance at the door to the public showers and pull a handful of change from his pocket only to decide against paying the credit to get in and have a wash . Once out onto the streets Kurt wandered around the side of the building to a crater that was sunk six feet into the wall of the hotel where he sat down to examine his surroundings . The rest of the alley was littered with small pieces of shrapnel and if Kurt had to guess he would have said the crater was made by some fool getting careless with a grenade he had procured from somewhere , in this city they weren 't very hard to come by if you were set on getting one . Kurt was wearing a pair of dirty black and grey combat trousers and some very old parade boots , all covered with a makeshift poncho that he had fashioned out of a grey plastic tarpauling he had found a few days ago . After surveying the area and deciding that no one else was around the still dark streets Kurt looked down at the computer deck fused into the flesh of the underside of his right arm . The screen glowed a bright orange against the darkness and illuminated the middle aged but rapidly aging face of Kurt . He was scrolled through the briefing for a target he had picked up on the Black - Net , essentially a bulletin board for people that wanted to employ those of the more unscrupulous nature . The target was a minor Apex Corp employee , just a cog in the machine that has been told it was slightly more important than the rest . The goal was a simple assassination as well as a snatch and grab of some information from his computer . Nothing of much use to anyone but it would almost certainly elicit a response from Apex ; the fool who had posted the job was new in the city . Indus didn 't often bring in new entrepreneurs , most people weren 't stupid enough to think they could cut off a slice of the pie the existing corporations were fighting over and those that did often found themselves out in the middle of the nuclear winter without a envirosuit , but this new guy was beyond a fool . He was trying to take a slice of Apex 's pie , their pharmaceutical pie , maybe the most expensive pie in the whole city . Kurt would have put money on this guy being dead by daylight , but still Kurt wasn 't going to look a dead man in the mouth and one man 's folly was another man 's fortune . Standing , Kurt wandered into the main street . The imitation moon was just still high in the sky and most people were still sleeping , or trying to sleep in whatever holes they had found . Kurt looked up at the building whose shadow he had been hiding in . The capsule hotel that he had had the misfortune of calling home was one of the few solid and sturdy buildings in this part of town , being as it was made to be one large piece of concrete and metal . Most building in the sty were a strange collection of square prefabricated rooms which could be removed from each other and , in theory attached to any other prefabricated room which made anyone with the equipment to do so a very rich man , and most of the structures resemble huge square modern art pieces rather than actual buildings . Most residents of the slums would be luck to say that they had a single room to themselves , with some ten by ten rooms housing up to five people . A lot of other buildings in the Sty were hurriedly assembled hotels like the one Kurt had slept , either that or apartment blocks even worse than the prefabricated housing which had been erected after the ground beneath the first three districts to be built in this area had collapsed , dropping all the buildings and people who had lived there into a crevice hundreds of feet down . After the incident the governing body of Indus had decided to cut their losses and covered over the hole with titanium sheets and had intended to build new districts on top . That plan had never come to fruition and all that was ever built were these apartments and hotels , buildings intended to house those misplaced by the catastrophe , from there came the prefabs and finally shacks had been built in the far corner of the city , pressed right up against the wall . In the nine rich districts of the city people would look upon the Sty and say that they wouldn 't wish it upon their worst enemies . Kurt made no effort to hurry as he passed through the streets . There was no real rush to get on with this mission and he was formulating a plan as he went . If he wanted to try and keep the Apex heat off his own back , ideally , he would have taken the target out in his home or before he got to his office but that would still leave the problem of finding the computer data and his employer had failed to provide many details on his target . It could take hours to find a man on the net . All the employer had specified was the name of the man , a picture , the office he worked in and the floor . Kurt decided that the only place to get at his target would be at his workplace . But how could he gain access ? The idea come to Kurt just as he left the Sty and headed into Indus proper . The difference was staggering as one entered the richer districts of Indus . The small was gone and the filth even in the middle class areas was almost gone with it . The advertising boards were unvandalised and there was no sign of the oil drums that littered the streets of the Sty , full of kindling and ready to be lit up for light when the power went out again were nowhere to be seen . The while city seemed to switch from prefabricated and temporary buildings to tall structures made from polished steel and glass . Even the lowest rent apartments were painted in bright white to in keep with the aesthetic and the glowing signs on buildings advertised theatres , restaurants and medical clinics rather than cheap bars . The streets were still all but deserted the atmosphere of the city proper came across to Kurt as very fake and forced . The smiling images on the advertisements felt like they were grimacing rather than genuinely smiling and if someone really looked they would notice that everywhere they looked they were being sold something . Apparently nobody in this city was happy with what they had . The sterile feel of the richer districts made Kurt feel like everything was trying so hard to be perfect . At least the Sty felt real and lived in . Kurt knew he must have stuck out in the clean and tidy city like a sore thumb compared to the few people who had ventured from their homes at this time , dressed in their well kempt matching outfits , their suits and shined shoes . Kurt was covered in dirt , he kept the hood of his makeshift poncho up and his face covered so that no one would see that every now and then his irises would flash yellow as the orbital implants refocused themselves . Several people went out of their way to avoid him and almost all of them turned to watch him over their shoulders . Kurt didn 't care . He was used to the stares . He was out of place even in the Sty and there were many people there who were worse than he was . Everything in this city was branded by some corporation or another , everywhere he turned Kurt saw logos and advertisements for the various companies that were slowly leaching any life away from the city . People could say anything they wanted about the Sty but at least there was personality to it . All the corporate bullshit served only to slowly make everything the same and worse the wars that the corporations could go to over territory and economic dominance were dividing the city with battle lines of espionage and backstage politics , people died and nobody on the street even knew it was happening . As if it wasn 't bad enough that the poor and misplaced were separated from the rest of the city like they were cattle but now everyone else was being split by where they were in the city and what companies they worked for . Finally Kurt came to the office block of his target . It was tall , stretching into the sky and towering above almost all the other buildings around it . Compared to other Apex buildings it was small , clearly an older construction and now of little importance . All the newest offices stretched much higher as if all the corporations were in a contest to see who could build a building the highest without it falling down . There was however one problem . There was a wall around the buildings compound . Around twenty foot tall , its smooth white exterior and glowing advertisements did little to hide the fact that it was there to keep people like him out . There seemed to be one gate through with a small road leading off the main one and through it . Kurt slipped the cover of the manhole back and slowly descended the ladder , making sure to slide the cover back over him as he went . The darkness closed in around him for a second before his orbital implants kicked in and the world seemed to glow with a slight yellow tint as he looked behind him . The sewers were surprisingly large . Wide across from wall to wall , the ceiling was arched above him and the floor was a large grate under which ran a flow of sewage . There were pipes hanging from the ceiling , held up by thick metal supports that dug deep into the roof . There was about a two foot gap between the brickwork and the pipes and with a deft leap Kurt left the ladder and gripped the closest pipe , pulling himself up and into the gap in a matter of seconds . Here he paused , waiting for the sound of anyone approaching , perhaps drawn by the sound of his leap , though he knew he had been all but silent , or perhaps a maintenance crew who just happened to be passing this section of tunnel . There was no one . Convinced that his presence was hidden Kurt started crawling . It was easy to mask any noise while he travelled but the progress was slow and were it not for the fact that he had had his nerve systems dulled years ago he would have ached terribly . His head mostly scrapped the ceiling and all too often he found it cracking off a loose handing brick or old bolt from when the pipes had been installed . The layers of filth on the pipe quickly started to cling to his clothing and more than once he had to displace a weevil which had nested atop the pipes , dropping the fist sized insects from the pipe to the grating below where they landed with a dull thunk . Progress was slow but Kurt knew he had time and he had a plan , though crawling along a pipe was the easy bit . He had to find a manhole close enough to the building he was looking for , from there he could pretty easily gain entry to the building and then it would just be a case of waiting for his target . Admittedly it was not the best of plans but simple and , in fitting with Kurt 's preferred style , could be changed on the fly should the need present itself . Suddenly Kurt stopped , flattening himself to his cover . There were voiced drifting down the tunnel and they were drawing closer . Carefully Kurt pulled a small screen from under his poncho and rapidly started typing something into the display . Images flashed up of blueprints and circuitry and a few seconds later the sparse lighting in the tunnel flickered and then went dead . A few seconds later three people entered the tunnel . With his optical implants Kurt could see them plain as day even in the darkness and he pressed himself to the pipe again , hoping than none of them had implants of their own . His fears were averted when none of them even so much as looked up . They were dressed in old and worn combat gear and were clearly members of the cities rebel contingent , essentially the poor people who had banded together and fled the authoritarian rule of the city to live in the sewers . They upheld a token resistance against the city security forces but everyone knew that should their hiding place ever be discovered they would likely be quickly wiped out . Two of the rebels were male , one tall and pale skinned with a single stripe of dark hair down the centre of his head which hung down the left side of his head . He looked familiar to Kurt but he couldn 't really place him . The other man was just as tall but with dark skin and his hair in long , thin braids that ran down to his arse . The third was a woman , not a lot shorter than the men and almost as pale as the first with her short hair shaved into an undercut . Her hand was in the back pocket of the first man . Keeping very quiet Kurt let them pass underneath him until they were out of earshot before he continued on his way . It took him another half an hour crawling to reach what he was looking for . A ladder like the one he had leapt off was cut into the wall and leading up into another manhole . Kurt carefully eased himself off the pipes and onto the ladder , quickly ascending . Kurt stuck his head up from the manhole ever so slightly and peered around , smiling to himself . He was in the perfect position , the middle of the road right outside the main gate to the office block where his target worked . The artificial sun was imitating Kurt by only slightly rising above the horizon as if scanning the city before it decided to rise . Lowering himself back into the hole Kurt jabbed a few more buttons on his screen and a small picture appeared showing an image of himself and with a few more presses there was a quiet whir and the screen displayed the message ' magnetic field engaged ' . The roads of Indus all worked via magnetism . The roads had a magnetic current passed through them and the cars other vehicles all produced the opposite magnetic field , essentially repelling themselves from the road and floating a few feet from the ground . Then the magnets in the vehicles could shift to decide which way the vehicle was propelled . At the same time if the ISF needed to lock down the road for any reason they could simply reverse the polarity of the roads and all the vehicles would be pulled to the ground and locked in place until they were released . The only vehicles in the city that didn 't use this technology were the police patrol vehicles , which could employ fusion engines to achieve full fledged flight and large haulage goods that could carry tonnes of supplies throughout the city , usually used by companies for supplies such as medicine and food , and as such were too heavy for magnetic repulsion to be practical . With his personal field activated Kurt poked his head above the road again and looked away from the gates . Right on time there was a van pulling up with the company logo on the side . Slowly it pulled closer to the gates and as it did so Kurt braced himself , preparing to let go of the ladder and positioning himself so that his back was angled more towards the sky . As the van floated over the manhole Kurt released the ladder and allowed himself to be pulled up through the hole and into the air , hovering between the van and the road . The van never stopped moving but continued forward , through the gates of the compound and seemed to drive around the entire building before finally entering a parking lot and coming to a stop , supported a few feet off the ground by supports that stopped the vehicles propulsion magnets from touching the ground while it was turned off . Kurt deactivated his personal field and dropped the small distance onto his front , quickly rolling away from the car and easily escaping into the shadows of the car park . The van 's occupant didn 't seem to have noticed anything as he hopped onto the tarmac and walked casually to a door by the entrance of the parking lot , quickly swiping a card across a scanner before heading out of sight through the door . Alone and hidden Kurt carefully undid the small plastic fasten on his makeshift poncho and allowed it to fall to the floor , exposing Kurt 's body . His entire torso was covered in small wires , printed into his skin and seeming to go deep into his muscle mass , emerging from the skin to run for a few inches before disappearing again . The wires ran from his chest down to below his trouser waistline and up to just below his jaw line . On his left pectoral there was a sheet of metal with a small display across embedded into the muscle with a thick wire running from it , down his left arm to another display installed just below the wrist , very similar to the portable screen that Kurt had used earlier . Kurt ran his fingers across the display on his chest which lit up with a bright , vibrant orange light which sliced through the dark and exposed Kurt 's position to anyone who may have been watching . Kurt hurriedly typed commands into the display in his wrist and his entire skin started to slowly turn more and more silvery and chrome until he resembled a blob of mercury moulded into human form . And then in a matter of seconds his skin , the wires and displays all disappeared from view completely , leaving just a pair of trousers and boots stood alone and a crumpled poncho . Kurt stood for a moment , adjusting to the electric tingling feeling that flowed through his body , seeming to pass through his very cells almost painful but still slightly enjoyable . Kurt felt powerful , every time he did this he imagined where he could go , what he could do and how know one would ever know . But he always refocused himself . He had a job to do . Bringing himself back to the world he quickly removed his trousers and boots , wrapping them in his poncho and hiding them away in a corner of the parking lot before heading over to the door his driver had disappeared through and examining the scanner , a simple design it would prove no obstacle . Kurt was invisible even to himself but his eyes could see the electronic impulses passing through the wires embedded in his body , making him appear to himself as a series of glowing orange wires stood on their own like ivy wrapped around an invisible tree . The displays in his chest and arm were the only other part of him that he could see , though they were as invisible to anyone else as the rest of him . From the display on his arm Kurt pulled a long wire with a simple connection jack on the end which he plugged into the side of the scanner . He explored the internal programming , him mind probing around the simple device like a mouse exploring a maze , cutting directly to its goal at the end while still being cautious to avoid any danger , or in this case tripping anything that would set of the alarm . Kurt smirked at how basic the device was . For such a large company Apex clearly didn 't think its physical security a big issue . Kurt slipped through the doorway and into a small hallway with one door leading off to the left and a set of stairs at the end . He kept low as he moved , often crawling across the floor on all fours like an animal , sliding round the corners and constantly checking behind himself . He was completely silent and , short of walking straight into him , no one could have even known he was there . The stairwell lead to the first of many offices . The room was large and open , but with huge ten foot dividers separating it into roughly thirty cubicles with one smaller room at the far end with a glass door through which Kurt could see an executive office , one large desk with built in screens and even a potted plant in the corner that made the plain and featureless rest of the office look barren in contrast . The walls were almost entirely floor to ceiling screen , paper thin in order to take up as little room as possible that could be used to cram more people into . Together the screens displayed an image of the Indus skyline in an attempt to simulate the office being higher than street level . The ceiling was a brilliant white in colour and the carpet was deep red and spotless . The stair case continued upwards and Kurt wasted no more time looking around the office , he had been inside cells before and had resolved to spend as little time as possible in another one . Each floor held another , almost identical office as the first with the only difference to each one being the colour of the carpet and Kurt realised what it meant when his target was on floor red 3 . There was no one else on the stairs , in fact there were very few people in the building at all , clearly still being early outside despite the illusion of the bright skyline that the screen lined walls were trying to give . Kurt was silent , his bare feet making no noise against cold concrete floor even as he bounded up the stairs , his enhanced muscles enabling him to leap up a whole flight at one . Finally he reached the third level with red carpet , he must have been about twenty flights up from ground level and when he emerged from the staircase and felt the soft carpet between his toes the first thing her noticed was how dark it was inside . The screens with the bright skyline were gone and there were real windows looking out onto the city . here and there in the office there were some lights switched on at desks and the quiet sound of typing could be heard floating around the empty room . At least some of the employees on this level liked to arrive early . Cautiously Kurt moved around the office , keeping low again and hugging the corners he was startled at one point when just as he rounded a corner he came face to kneecap with a bleary eyes office worker . Kurt rolled just in time , to avoid any impact and landed on the floor with a thump . The office worker looked around for a moment and then continued on his way . Kurt untensed , and allowed himself a second to lie there on the floor before continuing with even more caution , sliding along the floor almost on his belly , coming to the glass door to the executive office at the opposite end of the room and managing to open it hardly any wider than a foot and slip in , easing the door closed behind himself . Standing upright again Kurt looked around the room , the lack of a potted plant meant it had possibly the single least amount of personality of a room Kurt had ever seen and he smiled to himself , reminded of why he preferred the slums to the city at large , filth gave a place character . Opening one of the computers built into the desk Kurt busied himself with trying to find the files he needed to sell . The security for the computer systems was leaps and bounds above the security for the building itself , comprising of multiple firewalls , anti - viruses and encoded filing systems . Complex for most people but not for Kurt , for him it was almost child 's play , tearing down the fire walls with ease and simply inserting his own programme to run and scan the whole system for the information he needed , it slipped by the anti - viruses and sought out every instance of the keywords he entered on the whole buildings network . Admittedly it would still take some time , but that was something that Kurt had a lot of . All he had to do was sit and await the programmes completion and then the arrival of his target . Time passed , the sun rose and let light into the office thought the spotless windows and slowly sad looking office workers entered and sat down to their desks . The one downside of Kurt 's stealth systems were that they allowed for nothing external to be worn and not for the first time Kurt regretted paying the extra credits to change the colour of his inbuilt systems from the original , gaudy green , to the much preferred orange that they were now , at the expense of a built in watch . From watching the artificial horizon sink away below the sun and the increase of traffic below him he could make a rough estimate that it was closing on average time for work to begin and , Kurt guessed that his target 's position as an executive gave him leave to be moderately late for the start of the day . Still , the longer he had to wait the more nervous Kurt got . He was a paranoid man from experience but he never liked staying still for too long and he had a feeling that something was wrong . Suddenly there was a buzz from the systems inbuilt to his arm , he looked down at a new message that had appeared , someone e else was trying to remove the data , his data . A cold flush ran down his spine as he rapidly hammered more commands into his device . Someone else was after this target , information and all . Kurt activated his counter measures just as he heard voices coming from the main room , voices greeting someone . A quick look through the glass door revealed his target . A scowl on his face he was storming past the other workers without so much as a word and making a beeline for the room in which Kurt was hidden . Another buzz from his systems , they had detected the other hacker trying for the data and Kurt recognised the signal , he knew the other hacker and now he was panicking . All he could do was sit and wait for his target to come to him or he would risk exposing himself . Grabbing his right wrist he peeled off a flap of synthetic skin and pulled a blade from where it had been concealed beneath . It wasn 't a knife as much as it was a sharpened shard of metal , cruel edged and polished to a sheen . Kurt held t in a white knuckled grip as he quickly scanned the surrounding rooftops and then returned his view to his target . He was barely ten feet away now , just a few more seconds and he would be Kurt 's . Every footstep seemed to last an hour as the closed slowly on the office . Kurt adjusted the grip on his weapon . The man 's hand outstretched to open his door . Kurt 's systems buzzed again and but Kurt ignored it . There was a quiet crunch sound and the target collapsed through the door , his head missing and chunks of bone and claret painting the featureless ceiling , blending into the carpet . The body dropped to the floor in front of Kurt and he instinctively dove into the corner . There were screams in the other room . Kurt had to escape , and he could see only one way . Diving forward he threw the office window , the only feature of the whole room , wide open and threw himself to the air . The force of the field bucking against anything metal hit him like a train as he was rapidly slowed , the sudden deceleration knocking the breath from him and when he hit the ground it was so hard that he left dents in the metal road . The skin on the soles of his feet split like it was paper and blood spattered across the ground . it was nothing but instinct that got Kurt moving for cover before he allowed himself to slump down to the ground , hurling himself behind some packing crates piled and ready to be loaded onto trucks . He caught his breath and looked around his surroundings . He had not fallen as far from the building as he had expected , in fact he was still inside the compound , which made things easier . As he picked himself up he was reminded of the old proverb of the apple falling from a tree and smirked despite himself as he carefully picked his was around the building and back to the parking lot , leaving a trail of bloody footprints as he went . That was no worry , his blood wouldn 't be on any records for DNA and was splice with chemicals so that it would rapidly break down when exposed to the elements . Retrieving his clothes he dressed and slipped into the shadows again . There was no alarm sounded though there was a clear increase in activity on the floors above him . Just then another message popped up on screen . A second job had become available to him . Opening it he smiled to himself as he read the posting . Maybe there was still a chance to salvage the day he thought as he slipped from the parking lot , avoiding the bloody and already dry footprints he had left on the way in . The artificial sky was a brilliant blue and the white buildings of the Indus skyline seemed to glimmer in the artificial sunlight , giving the impression that the heat waves were rising from the metal despite the temperature being maintained at a steady 20 degrees . A comfortable temperature for all , neither too hot nor cold but regulated to make sure it caused the least possible distraction for the people working in the offices that filled almost every floor of the towering buildings of the city . Indus was a city of office blocks , the people inside working away to crunch the numbers of the various corporations and industries that filled the walls of the city . Indus was a city of crunching numbers ; almost every building that wasn 't used for housing was given over to office drones working to make sure that the various outsourced operations that kept bringing material into the city were working as hard as they could for as little money as they could . These corporations had the neighbouring cities under their thumbs ; shipping raw materials across the dangers of the wasteland that separated them . These corporations held the tallest buildings in the city , the highest ranking members on the top floors looking down onto the rest of the city and it was atop one of these towering monoliths that a dark figure stood silhouetted against the bright projected sky . Lynx regarded the city with a mix of distain and admiration . The fact that something so clearly corrupt had manage to sprout up and then convince so many people that it was in their best interest was beyond her . Still as long as the corporations were willing to pay people like her to make sure the balance of power stayed in their best interests she was happy to accept their money . Lynx stretched and arched her back . The slim body suit she wore offered no resistance as she flexed . She had planned on having a nice easy day today , lounge around her small apartment and maybe watch something crappy on the vid - net but this job had come up and she needed to eat . Anyway it was straightforward Lynx thought as she looked over the city again her eyes resting on the tallest building in the city , Apex Tower . The Apex Corporation was the largest in the city and most people believed they were the only reason the city was still standing , brokering deals with everyone they could find they had carved out a little piece of the world and they ruled it almost unanimously . The smaller corporations all liked to think that they were Apex 's competition ; sometimes they would even move against them , win territory off them and take over their establishments but in the end Apex always took it all back . The problem was that Apex were the sole producers of pharmaceuticals in the city , a title they held onto with an iron fist . Where they would sometimes allow smaller corps to muscle into their other operations if needed they would deploy their significant security service to hold onto their medical businesses by force if necessary . Lynx sighed and tapped a few buttons on her wrist mounted computer deck and the harness attached to her back , arms and legs . Tiny needles pierced her skin and the rig started to show her vitals as she flexed again . The harness would allow her a greater range of movement as well as strength and agility boosts . She looked across the gap between her building and the next , not a great one , about twenty feet across and maybe ten feet down to the roof . If she missed the jump then it would be almost a hundred feet drop onto the packed road below . Lynx smiled to herself , Piece of cake . She took a few steps back from the edge and then ran forward before launching herself from the top of the building . The wind whistled in her ears as she flew through the air , her legs out in front of her ready to take the landing impact and her arms out to try and give her some balance . The rig she was wearing made a quiet whine of servos when she leapt but otherwise was silent . Lynx 's only problem was that the suit even dulled the sensation of butterflies in her stomach , taking away the rush . Then her feet slammed down onto the metal roof on the other side , the harness absorbing all the impact and converted the energy to be used for later jumps . Lynx didn 't pretend to know the science behind it , she just used the kit and she had found the rig to have been well worth the four thousand credits she had dropped on it . She strolled casually across the roof and examined the next gap on the other side . This one was a bit further and Lynx flipped the small scanning lens over her eye . The monocle showed a red HUD in front of her vision and the device quickly calculated the distance between the two buildings . The display changed to show the gap to be thirty five feet . Not much further and still no work for this rig but still better safe than sorry . Lynx paced back to the middle of the roof and gave herself a full run up to cross the gap launching herself off the edge she flew through the air and landed lightly on the other side . Her progress across the roofs continued with as little resistance , easily bounding from building to building with as little effort as if she was jumping puddles in the street . The rig took all the strain off her muscles and Lynx didn 't even need to stop moving until she found herself facing the solid wall of the side of a building . Lynx 's scanner told her that from the roof of her building to the top of the next was thirty feet across and another fifty feet up . Looking up Lynx had thoughts about turning back and finding another roof to cross over but she pushed them away . Using her wrist deck Lynx power the rig up to maximum and then carefully walked to the far side of the roof . The walk was clumsy and looked uncoordinated , the rig so powerful that it only needed the slightest effort to move her body . Once at the far side of the roof she broke into a sprint across the roof , the power of the rig pulling her muscles so hard they hurt . Lynx crossed the roof in just a few strides and launched herself into the air , flying up like a rocket she soared clean up and over the lip of the raised roof . As she cleared the lip she saw a ventilation shaft running across the top of the roof . Too late to change her momentum she tried to tuck herself up into a ball in an attempt to clear the shaft but her legs clipped the corner as she flew over . Crashing to the floor Lynx bounced and rolled across the roof . Pain shot through her legs where they had hit the vent and her head crashed off the metal . Cursing Lynx pushed herself to her feet and examined the damage , her arms were scratched and scrapped where she was sleeveless and her shins were burning where they had collided with the vent but otherwise she was fine , everything was just superficial . Lynx fought back the desire to swear as she waited for the pain to die down and she smiled to herself when she looked across to the vent and saw she had left a dent in the metal where she had hit it . Turning the power of the rig back to normal levels again she continued her flight across the city . Fortunately the next roof was a small drop down from the one she was on and she managed to regain her speed as she continued her journey . Finally Lynx stood atop a roof and looked down on her target building , the Hagane Corporation building . The Hagane Corporation were responsible for importing various ores to Indus in order to be melted down into metals for building purposes . After a time of being one of the largest corporations in the city the Hagane Corp had hit hard times when the city 's expansion had ground to a halt after the disaster seen three districts of the city sink into the ground . After that Hagane had been struggling to keep their heads above water and most people would have said that their time was up . The building before Lynx was one of their two remaining buildings that hadn 't been bought out by the other corporations . It was still an impressive structure , large though not one of the tallest by far , with a strange roof designed to look like an old world Asian temple with a split down the middle , leaving a gap between the two halves which incorporated a garden . Lynx had never quite grasped the point of a rooftop garden when there was no real sun but then again she had never been into architecture . As Lynx observed the rooftop a door to the garden opened and a single figure walked out , a man , in standard office style dress so not even security . Times must really be hard if Hagane had started skimping on rooftop security guards . Lynx looked across the gap at the Hagane building , it was almost level with the one she was on know , the distance wasn 't far and from there she would be in the perfect position she needed . She took a few steps back and launched herself off her building . As she tore through the air Lynx withdrew a small knife from a pouch on her belt , hardly more than a needle . As she descended she stuck out her legs and her outstretched foot slammed into the back of the man 's knee . He crumpled to the floor with a cry of pain which was suddenly cut off as Lynx slammed down on top of him . The knife flashed for a second in the air before Lynx jabbed it into the back of the man 's neck . He shuddered on the ground for a few seconds before lying still . When Lynx reached the far side of the roof she placed her boot against the trailing that separated her from the edge and adjusted the rig where it hooked to her boot before looking up and observed the Apex Tower , standing tall over the rest of the city . The walls were covered in huge windows and carefully concealed steel frames that gave the impression that the entire outside walls were made of solid glass at lease from the fourth floor up . The bottom floors being completely windowless , the metal walls covered in advertisements for all sorts of Apex products . Lynx chuckled to herself as she looked at all the colourful propaganda designed to try and make Apex look like some caring and conscientious corporation . She doubted there was anyone who had lived more than a week in the city who believed those lies anymore and occasionally the opposition took offence to them . Lynx took a pair of hooks attached to her belt , one on either side of her waist and attached them to the top bar of the railing before hopping over the railing and sliding a way down the slanted fake temple roof , making sure not to knock any of the tiles loose . From her position leaning on the roof and hanging by the hooks Lynx placed her hands behind her head and relaxed . Breathing easily in the crisp , cool air pumped into the city by the atmosphere generators all over the walls she let herself drift into thought as she casually scanned the cityscape . From her vantage point she could see all the way to the sty districts in the far end of the city . These were the slum districts ; the places where those who couldn 't fit into the Indus idea of their population should be were put and kept . It had started with those who struggled to work and earn their keep , from those few hundred the population of under class citizens had swelled until their numbers in the three sty districts rivalled the population of the other eight districts put together . Lynx had never really noticed before that if you looked at the districts from above like this you could see the difference in the districts by the colour of the buildings , the Sty building being dirty and older until they became nothing but shacks and run down ruins in the far corners of the city . Lynx sighed and started to prepare herself for her mission . She detached the rifle from her left leg and checked the sights ; she then attached the scope she had used before to the top and made sure the sights were aligned again . Then she took the barrel from her right leg and screwed it to the end of the rifle before once again checking the sights . She withdrew a single bullet from her belt and loaded it into the rifle . Her weapon prepared Lynx lay back and set her sights on the Apex building , aiming at the seventeenth floor she scanned the faces of all the people she could see . None of them were her target and her target 's office was empty . She was early . Lynx stretched her back , adjusted her footing and waited . For almost two hours Lynx sat in her position and didn 't move a muscle other than to scan the floor she was aiming at . She waited patiently for her target , ignoring the growing ache in her legs , even with the added endurance of her rig . Finally she saw him . Her target was a tall man , dressed in a dark suit and a long flowing coat over the top , he had clearly just got into the office was carrying himself with an attempted dignity and superiority that Lynx had seen a thousand times before in a thousand different corporate bosses who thought they were worth more than they were . This guy had a smug look on his face that said he was a major player in the game but from even the brief skim that Lynx had given his file she could tell he was hardly more than a pawn . And worse still he had turned up late to his own damned funeral . As he slowly made his way through the offices Lynx followed his with her scope , waiting for a perfect shot . The man moved along the windowed walls like a target at a shooting range , almost like he was trying to make himself the easiest target he could . Lynx smiled to herself . In the few seconds since he had appeared she could have taken the shot multiple times but she wanted to wait for everything to be perfect . Then suddenly she saw something in the corner of her eye . It was in her target 's office . She looked but could see nothing in there that could have moved but at the same time something had moved . She strained her sight but still she could see nothing . Then it twigged to her . She whispered to herself as she took aim again . Her target was approaching the door quickly and she had to take the shot before he got into the room . She took a deep breath and held it . Her target reached his door and fumbled for his lock card . Lynx fixed him in her crosshairs . Just as the door swung open Lynx pulled the trigger . The rifle bucked in her hands and she strained against the power of the shot . Despite how powerful the rifle was there was little more than a cough as the round left the chamber and cut through the air . Lynx watched through her scope , not releasing her breath until her targets head burst , scattering blood and chunks of skull up the wall something in the office moved again and she smiled as she saw a shape dart back into the corner of the room before darting out of sight . Breathing again Lynx threw her rifle back up onto the roof and clambered back up herself , sliding under the bottom railing and disconnecting herself from the top bar she disassembled her rifle and wandered back over to where she had left the paralysed man . He was not lying with a small pool of blood leaking from his mouth and when Lynx pressed her hand to his face he had gone cold . Lynx propped him up against the wall and smiled cruelly down at him . Shame , she thought , she had hoped he would still be alive for the fall he was about to have . Just then the deck on Lynx 's arm lit up and she threw it a curious look . Lynx turned her screen on to see that she had a message . The message was a posting of a new job to her watch link . Lynx read the description and chuckled to herself at the irony of the situation .
|
Last night driving back from Seoul I completely shat on my coworker Ryu . He had been henpecking all night , as if I were some zoo animal that he could freely observe and comment on . It started during the meeting , when I asked some higher up about the possibility of getting some menial work expedited . The answer was unsurprisingly no , since you must follow the chain of command . For those not in the know , to step above an immediate supervisor in a Korean company is a form of social suicide . If you need something done or need to request more resources , you must follow a very specific route to get it , usually involving 6 people too many . While the pecking order exists in most bureaucracies , there is generally far less room to maneuver in the Korean version . I find the process slow , inefficient , and cumbersome , but have mostly gotten used to doing it that way . Having stepped over a few supervisors in my time and dealt with the blowback , I 've learnt it isn 't worth trying to expedite anything , even if your request gets stuck in purgatory by simply being ignored by one in the chain . This kind of situation can be fixed by offering to pay for a night drinking , or showing some aegyo and presenting a gift or three , so by trying to step around you are ignoring your social responsibilities . This is a problem for me , as I 'm too poor to constantly oil the machine , a situation exasperated by the fact that I don 't get near the amount of gifts to ' redistribute ' as the Koreans . Last night seemed ideal to create a shortcut , as the higher up was in his cups and being very congenial , and an opening presented itself . Ryu said : I find it interesting that waegs think they can simply change the game plan . This is Asia man , and in Korea you do things the Korean way . A Korean never would have tried what you just did . I smiled and enjoyed some more chit chat . At one point I ended up having a rather animated conversation with a hot ajumma named Lee who works in a division in Seoul . We were having a great time when Ryu came over : Hahaha Oh , you two crazy kids . Must be nice to be able to be so free . I envy you . Koreans don 't have that kind of freedom , as we must follow very strict rules of acceptable social behavior hahahaha As I 'd just been totally cock blocked , Lee excused herself and walked away . I bit my tongue . It was getting late , so I said to Ryu : let 's go . We need to drive back and I 'd like to get at least 4 hours sleep tonight . On the way back , I found myself stuck behind some moron driving 80 kms / h . I hate that : I 'm paying to drive on the expressway , it 's my god given right to drive at least 120 . We had just entered a tunnel when I decided to pass . Ryu said : Yes , I see . Those two drivers must not be Korean . I may have thought they were , but because of your tutelage on the finer points of Korean behavior , I 'm now enlightened enough to know they can 't possibly be Korean . Thank you for sharing your observations Mr . Ryu . No need to be sarcastic Mr . Waeg . Generally people don 't pass in tunnels . That 's just not the way normal people behave . Normal people . . . yes normal people . You know what ? I don 't know what your problem is , or what kinds of issues you 've got going on in your life at the moment , but I don 't appreciate being lectured like some middle school kid on social niceties and appropriate behaviors and how to follow the pecking order . I also don 't appreciate how you feel it incumbent to interrupt my conversation with Ms . Lee , insulting me by insinuating that again I lack understanding of basic social mores . And saying that I 'm not normal because I had the temerity to pass some slow moving car in a tunnel ? Lay off . Go home and beat your wife or something . I 'm not your whipping boy . yessss . . . moar sugar . . . The eldest had been after me for about a week , asking if I could loan her class one of our tents for their class camping expedition . I said no . So I said no . I explained that I needed the tent this weekend anyway , since I 'm heading out with some of the boys for an evening of campfire and beer , maybe a little fishing . Should be a blast . It wouldn 't serve if the tent was messed up in some way by over exuberant , under supervised , sugar addled giggle factories . Yeah , it 's like a pension that accepts dogs . They also have activity courses for them to run and a dog friendly swimming pool . The one we went to wasn 't all that great as it wasn 't as decked out as some of them out there . I wasn 't sure if he was being serious or just pulling my leg . A quick Naver search didn 't bring up a whole lot at first except a lot of dog friendly places to stay , although I did also see some places that offered dog funerals and even dog friendly restaurants . I 'm assuming that the latter isn 't a place where little Fido is an item on the menu , although that kind of restaurant just might have a certain appeal : bring your own dog and we 'll butcher it up and stick it in a pot for you . I have to admit I was a bad coworker : all I could do was laugh for a solid three minutes as he stood there with a look that suggested disemboweling me just might be OK under the circumstances . Last night I ran around buying up gear . By the time I got home , there were several pressing emails requesting info for the trip to Singapore in July , and for the major project due early June . By the time I actually got through it all , it was near eleven . This morning I was a bit late for work as I had to load up the fam van with all the camping stuff . One of the supervisors made some tut tutting noises when I walked in , which I completely ignored . Hey , I 'm busy here . At the time I didn 't miss a beat : actually , you 'll find that the expats who work here generally put in more hours than the majority of their Korean peers due to the specialized nature of our work ; just check our time sheets . But then , most of us didn 't take this job thinking it would be easy haha . You 'll find that the vast majority of us actually have Korean spouses , and have decided to make Korea our home . * smile * Afterwards , I got angry . WTF was going through that moron 's head for her to ask those kinds of questions ? I don 't see any advantage for her putting me on tilt if that was her goal , but if it was she 'd garner better results trolling someone fresher off the boat . After a while , it is easier to deal with that kind of nonsense . Funny , usually I don 't have to deal with that kind of idiocy , at least not as much since leaving the EFL circuit . There , it wasn 't uncommon to be painted with such a broad brush : no matter how hard you work or what contribution you make to society , in the eyes of some , you are detritus which has washed up on these shores , are shown kindness , then abuse and demean your most virtuous and benevolent hosts . Admittedly , it is hard to stay positive when you run into some douche nozzle that would talk on such a topic in a professional environment . Tonight was fish and chips night . It had been a very long time since I 'd made it , but I happened upon some nice frozen cod filets my last run through Costco and was inspired . I whipped up my secret beer batter , cut up some onions , and deep fried the lot . For tarter , I did that white trash thing : mayo , chopped up sweet pickles , lemon juice . It was delicious . After dinner I regaled the girls with stories of growing up with my dad as he taught me the value of a good work ethic . It was related to the girls doing the dishes , but degenerated into much laughter and silliness . I suppose they are still a bit young to be doing the cleaning . Posted by Today I went wandering downtown to look at clothes . There isn 't a whole lot to buy in the Wonj , but I did make the mistake of buying a hanbok outfit at the local Dolsilnai . As I was heading back home , on a whim I decided to pop in the bank to see if there was any cash in there . Usually there isn 't , as June will usually vacuum whatever I leave behind from my monthly allowance in pretty short order . I did the only thing I could : I quickly withdrew the lot , walked down the street , and squirreled it away into one of my other accounts . Hopefully , June won 't check the transactions for this month . Couldn 't have come at a better time : the fam van needs a new windscreen , new brake pads , and a new battery . At the very least I can now get that all dealt with this month without worry . It has even been suggested that a Korean spouse constantly expressing how cold it is or how spicy is the soup is one of the causes of the higher divorce rate between Koreans and waegs , but I digress . What these waegs don 't get is that those Koreans are simply attempting to help these poor new waegs learn some of the local language . Koreans are not surprised when waegs say they have difficulty learning the Korean language ; since Koreans have some of the highest IQs in the world , it stands to figure that those people from lesser nations with lesser levels of intelligence would experience trouble mastering the only purely scientific language in the world . By repeating these very basic words that are usually the first children learn , the most benevolent and kind Korean hosts are giving an opportunity for waegs to feel a sense of accomplishment and belonging through finally understanding a handful of terms and expressions . After dinner , I cleaned everything up nice . June went to bed while I was doing this . No idea if she enjoyed it , but she did like the cards I 'd had the girls make earlier this week . A good time was had by all , despite how I had to weather a string of small slights from June . She 'd look at the river and remark how dirty it was , mostly she said from all the tanneries and US military bases ; she 'd complain how I wasn 't driving carefully enough whenever I was forced to drive defensively due to asshattery from ijits . These were relatively small . I drew the line when we started talking about my new sister in law 's visa , the F6 . They must have given her that instead of an F2 because they don 't trust her like you , you are from a rich country . Actually the F6 is a better visa , since it can 't be cancelled by the Korean spouse . Too many Korean dudes marrying other Asians threaten to cancel the visa if the new wife doesn 't cook him breakfast . Well , she can 't get the F5 like you . Actually , I had to wait for an F5 . She can get one too if she stays married living in Korea for the right amount of time . Well every time we went to immigration you got your papers processed so much faster than all the Asians waiting . Sure , there is less risk that you are importing me under false pretences , pretending to marry me then selling me off to some room salon . Immigration needs to spend more time checking that kind of thing out . The kids are all running wild and I 'm playing matgo , watching stoopid Korean dramas . He keeps ripping these nasty farts , to which we each take a shot of whiskey . Classy . On my way home from work I passed a couple of Mormon missionaries . They were busy chatting up a bunch of kids outside an elementary school . As my window was rolled down and I was stuck in traffic , I could hear that one spoke fairly decent Korean while the other sounded like he was auditioning for English Cafe on Arirang TV . Every Mormon needs to do two years of missionary work once they hit 18 . They usually train for two years before heading off on assignment . A good missionary will always learn as much as they can about the local flavor . It makes it easier to find an in , something the Jesuits perfected . The Mormon variety expect you to call them Elder , which can defeat their purpose in Korea . I do have to wonder how a very American centric religion explains itself to Koreans . Sure , you could get the Koreans who love America and see it as the Promised Land to join , but how can they explain their place in the Mormon world , which sees the second coming as slated for America and how Native Americans are actually the lost tribe of Israel ? Seems far too disconnected to really gain a lot of traction here , but still they come wearing their clean white shirts and ties . I remember back in the day working at an English pub . One of the dishwashers and I had a total trash competition . I was winning until the day he sent a group of four to the pub during lunch rush . They approached me and asked if I was D , as my friend X had said I would be most interested in talking about Jesus . It took every ounce of self control to not rip into laughter , which wouldn 't have served as I was carrying a tray of food at the time . I invited them back to my little shit hole of an apartment . This was while I was working on my MA , after the wife of the couple had decided to jet . It was rather fortuitous as I had been toying with the idea of including some of the religious Mormon stuff into my thesis . We scheduled for the Wednesday . When they showed , the leader of the clan asked his buds to sit outside , since he had trigged from our short conversation that I was up for playing with the less intellectually gifted of the lot , who seemed about ready to denounce me as an agent of Satan . We discussed for a solid hour before I had to head back to work . As he was leaving . I thanked them for their time . Glancing down on the floor , I clock that Crusader has ' accidentally ' dropped his credit card on the floor . I guess he really wanted a reason to come back . I ran after them and handed the card back . No point giving them an in as I 'd pretty much gotten what I needed anyway . The morale of the story ? I put X on every single religious mailing list I could track down . Years later , through at least two change of address , he was still getting pamphlets and visits from weird sectarians . I did feel a bit bad about it after , as on my last night in town he took me out to a never ending tour of awesome bars , after which I woke up confused and disoriented in bed with a very hot female . I ended up meeting up with one of her roommates a year later , which also was a great time . Still , Mormons . Time for some more of the cough syrup berry soju I made last year . The insanity reached fever pitch when they unwrapped the kazoos I 'd picked up on my way over . Big fun once they figured out how to play them . Best 2 manners I spent this week . They first wanted to hit the local Pizza Hut , but I worked diligently all week to plant the idea that going to Mr . Pizza was a much better idea . I was thinking partly with my pocket book , partly because I promised to throw money at Mr . Pizza after seeing their " original pizza " commercial . The food was what you 'd expect from a Korean pizza chain : cardboard like and overly sweet tomato sauces . But they did give us some Mr . Pizza birthday socks , and looking at plates that read ' love for women , Mr . Pizza ' combined with a generally friendly staff was enough . It isn 't common to see peeps selling the hahm these days . Instead , most Koreans choose to go to expensive restaurants and straight out exchange gifts instead of playing out the selling of the hahm by the groom 's friends . As the costs of weddings can become debilitating and the cause of many problems after marriage , many Koreans have simply given up on following every traditional custom to reduce the financial burden on each family . From what I 've heard and seen , the selling of the hahm is basically the official consent from the groom to marry the bride . Modern versions see friends dressing up and bringing a box which contains the groom 's family registry , documents consenting to the marriage , and gifts such as jewelry or cosmetics . From what I 've heard , modern interpretations have the box representing the groom 's friendship / loyalty , and the friends bringing it demand a payment since they will in a sense ' lose ' their friend , as his loyalties will now reside more with the bride and her family . The bride 's family is supposed to offer food , drink , and negotiate the buying of the hahm , with generally 50 manners being the smallest amount ranging up to several million won . This can go on for quite some time and be quite rowdy as the group gets progressively drunker . When the amount is finally settled on , the friends take the money and use it to go get completely shitfaced . This was only the third one I 'd ever seen . By the looks of it they were well on their way to blotto , as already some of the party selling the hahm were passed out under some shrubs . I thought about my own Korean wedding : a wedding hall , girls with swords , a smoke and bubble machine . The quick change into the hanbok , the piggy back around a table of mostly plastic food , the horror from the photographer when I demanded a picture of June trying to piggy back me . That moment when I first saw June in her wedding dress . . . amazing . I stopped thinking , as I was feeling light , caught up in what was happening around me , and didn 't want to get caught up in anything else . I left after about 20 minutes , as I had a jug of Max chilling in the refrigerator at home and some reading to do before bed . Time for that Max . This blog is a case in point . I just speak my mind , when I should just sit quietly . This afternoon around the water cooler I ended up spending time speaking with one of the Gold Misses at work . She 's in her mid to late 50s , a woman that even as a younger man I would take a run at . She was asking pointed questions about what I did before I came to work at the company . I talked about the immigration work I did , helping several families make a new life in xyz country . I talked about the private tutoring I did , the business classes and the gigs at companies . I talked about the bread and butter , teaching kids how to face interviews or speech contests , and how to read a book and write an essay . I talked about teacher placement , setting up classes in Chinese and Japanese . I also talked about copy editing , proof reading , and ghost writing . She was aghast . This was for Korean universities ? I was clueless to the warning signs and forged ahead : Sure . Two in English education and one in Biochemistry . I don 't know a damn thing about biochemistry , but dude was accepted . And the two in English education actually made me a better teacher . Too bad I can 't list them on my resume haha nudge nudge wink wink . I actually had to get somewhat nasty with one of them , as they were demanding I accept a lesser amount of money since it had been ' too easy ' for me . Never mind that the thesis was accepted , the fact that I pulled it off in 5 hard weeks when they had been working at it for 3 years necessitated in their mind I get paid less . It was awful : of what they sent me more than 50 % had been simply ripped verbatim off the web . When they tried to pay me less , I simply offered to send dated files and emails to their advisers , showing exactly what work had been finished when . They paid up . Two are now professors , one at a SKY school . The other is a researcher for a major Korean conglomerate . Shit . No , definitely not . I shared my stories of dealing with newspapers , and how they seem hell bent on only making waegs look bad or writing stories about them making kimchi ; if they aren 't white , they 'll write stories about how hard done by they are . Fuck you . It seemed a moot point to bring up that you do what you can to get ahead , especially when you live in a place that leaves you little choice but to get maverick . While I said all this , she looked sullen silent and judgmental . I think she may be sore at me . Given the many scandals concerning degree forgery , and how many Koreans have been caught faking it , with even those who study abroad taking advantage of the same service , I must have twigged the ethical nerve . Now , I do believe that stupidity is a universal constant , and I 'm hoping she won 't hold a grudge against me and that her panties aren 't in a knot about it . From experience , these types of conversation never end well . You can 't win and its best to just smile . When will I ever learn ? On Friday , one of my coworkers asked : why do you enjoy camping so much ? Isn 't it boring ? Don 't you get bored ? All people do is cook pig , kimchi stew , instant noodles , and get hammered . What 's the point of all that ? I felt like saying if you need to ask then you just don 't get it , but thought instead of how I 'm away from my computer and TV , outside of my little box of a room surrounded by hundreds of other boxes , hear no car horns or people fighting with one another . I see and do things I can 't normally , and meet people I wouldn 't otherwise . Mostly it 's about being in nature , which generally calms me down and makes me feel better . I can think with a perspective I can 't easily achieve surrounding by all the distractions of the urban world . Sounds too idealistic he said . Enjoy collecting plants and pretty rocks . I 'll be having a great time at home watching movies , playing games , with maybe some pron thrown in . I 'm sitting on a rock by a stream . There 's a nice breeze , birds are singing . I just had a bowl of delicious chicken soup . Last night I had a few beers but nothing really hardcore . I feel clear and light . The girls have played games , caught tadpoles , gone exploring . Nothing wrong with a little idealism from time to time . This weekend we 're out camping with three other families for children 's day . I told a few of my coworkers about this new spot and three of them came with their families as well . We 've nicely cornered a nice chunk of the campground . Everything was great until the youngest disappeared . After a frantic 30 minute search she was found near a mile and a half upstream . She 'd gone exploring with a boy . Earlier , she had ignored me when I told her not to use another kid 's innertube . She did anyway , and eventually the kid flipped her ; when I fished her out she was covered in leaves and dirt . I felt little sympathy . The second exploring incident caused all my children 's day indulgence to evaporate . The girls have strict rules to always let someone know when they 're off somewhere . I am paranoid , as being bicultural females makes them easy targets . After stern reprimands and a lengthy time out , she 's now running crazy again . I won 't dig em all up , but I 've written about that kind of thing before . In fact , many of the Me and My Big Mouth posts are about dealing with similar kinds of situations . The bit about scripted responses to being asked the same questions over and over again also resonated a little too loudly . Maybe carrying around cards ( NSFW ) would be helpful in some situations . If all the long time waegs put together their collective hard earned ' wisdom ' , I 'm sure we could come up with a 3 step program to resist the impulse to go completely batshit insane and snap , thus avoiding the scene of the waeg snapping at people at Emart , barking at some ajumma cutting in line on the subway , throwing 10 won coins at cab drivers who ' needed ' to cut in front so as to save a whole 2 seconds , or hopping on the hood and urinating on random cars parked in the handicapped parking zone once again . No , no , those are all BAD . Bad waeg ! Down ! I said DOWN ! You USE cHOPSTickS sO WELLLL . . . . . good waeg , there now , have some more soju . There , there . . . get yourself right with the world , hmmm ? Try to keep it steady . Can I get a smile ? See , I knew you could ! I 've spent the last two days fighting a nasty bout of food poisoning . Yesterday I spent the whole day puking the water I was drinking to flush it out and nursing a ring of fire . The rest of the time I spent curled up in a ball in bed , covered in sweat . Today was marginally better . I was exhausted and still fought a cold sweat all day . Around supper I was finally able to keep some rice porridge down . Welcome . This is where I come to write about the typical day of an expat resident of South Korea , otherwise known as a waeg , while sharing whatever anecdotes that come to mind . None / Most of this is made up or embellished unless specifically stated as such . In the 16 years I 've been here , most of the other expats I 've known have said their lives are boring and mundane , and for the most part its the same for me . I 'm married to a Korean woman . We have two lovely girls . We call the city of Wonju home . I work for a petrochemical company . My job is in conceptual design . I create English slogans that are put on pencil cases , washtubs , floor mats , and anything else that can be molded out of plastic . Have a good time !
|
But the Paint by Numbers track I 'd pick if I had to pick just one is " Slouch . " It grew on me quickly , and for awhile , I 'd repeat it over and over . In fact , if you knew just how many times in a row I would play it on my iPod , you 'd think I was weird . ( You may think that already . ) Andy : Wow . Thank you . I 've never thought of it as that . I mean , I like the song , but I think it was something I just kind of hammered out when I wrote it . I write on guitar but in my heart I am a bass player . So the backbone of " Slouch " was actually a bass - like part I wrote on guitar . I 've never thought about it before but this is probably why the song starts off with that part and then breaks into bar - chords when it gets more angsty and loud . Andy : I took a frustrating situation and processed it through the song 's lyrics . I will admit that most of my songs are about people in my life . Probably only my best friend knows who " Slouch " is about . Let 's just say it 's about someone who placed themselves very much in the center of my life - - both musically and personally - without an invitation to do so . All of a sudden I had someone in my life - - although not actually in my band - who was supporting me and admiring me , but also trying to control me . This was very strange to me and I really didn 't understand what was happening . He wasn 't a bad person by any means , but I just didn 't know what to do with the situation . My writing this song was me trying to work through it . . . as most of my songs are . 2or3lines : So would you say " Slouch " is typical of your songs , or is it an atypical song ? Andy : I guess something unique about this song is that it is much more intimate than the rest of the songs I was writing back then . My songs tended to be bathed in lots of metaphors , but this song was a lot more vulnerable . 2or3lines : " Slouch " begins with these lines : Andy : Scott Lewis and I once discussed the use of the word " impotent " in the song . For me , at that time , it was a very ballsy word for me to sing . . . much more than any actual swear words . Although in this context it is really just a metaphor to someone kind of shrugging their shoulders or not showing up to a situation or conversation . Still , for a women to stand on a stage and sing the word " impotent " seemed daring to me . It may not sound like much , but I remember being very uncomfortable with that line when we first started playing the song live , but I was resolved that it was the perfect word . Andy : This line was literally from me sitting on a couch with someone and debating if I was going to leave or not . They didn 't want me to leave but also this relationship was not moving forward . I guess it 's about this person 's inaction . And inaction is a frustrating as hell to me ! I admit it 's something I struggle with myself . Don 't they say that the things we don 't like in other people are also the things we don 't like in ourselves ? Well , there you go . Andy : Those lines were in reference to the power play situation I found myself in . I am very independent and can be quite rebellious if someone tries to control me . I think that is where I was coming from . There is definitely a lot of angst in the line " I don 't have the time right now to help you figure you out . " I hope this doesn 't make me sound arrogant , but I 've always been a person who had no problem expressing my identity . Good or bad , I 've always owned who I am . This may be going into too much detail but I think that owning your character appears to others as confidence . I don 't think that actually equates to confidence , sometimes it 's actually just resolve in accepting who you with all the glory of your faults . But what I experienced was that I was attracting people in my life who didn 't know their own character . I think I was attracting them because they also wanted to know who they were . Figuring out " who you are " can be grueling and uncomfortable . It 's like standing naked in front of a mirror going " OK , I guess this is what I got to work with . " I know for certain the angst from this line came from someone who seemed to want me to do that work for them . But it 's a task that no one can do for you . I surely don 't want to sound heartless , but I remember just being frustrated with the entire situation . It was intense but not very functional . And I guess I would ( one day ) like to be a person who jumps in seeing failure as a successful outcome . I 'm still working on that . Earlier the singer said she didn 't have the time " to help you figure you out , " but it seems that she is still waiting around for the guy to make up his mind about what he wants from her - and the fact that she is still waiting makes her a little frustrated with herself . Andy : Yeah , that 's true . I 'm a Scorpio , we hate waiting , yet we are very patient . Ambivalence is also very frustrating to me . I 'd rather know how someone feels about me - - good or bad - then move on from there . I also will completely admit that defaulting to ambivalence it one of my own personal flaws when I feel insecure . I 've recently been trying to practice what Brené Brown writes about vulnerability . It 's one of the hardest things I have ever done . ( By the way , confidence has never been sexy to me , but vulnerability is . ) One of her points that I love is that what we want people to share with us is their own vulnerability because they are sharing a true part of themselves . We want to feel like they are sharing their heart . . . their true self . Yet , this vulnerability is often the hardest thing for us to share with them . Seems unfair - - right ? I suppose most of my music is me attempting to explore and share my own vulnerability . So perhaps what I found most frustrating about the situation that inspired " Slouch " was also something I suffered from . Brené Brown on vulnerability Andy : The chorus of people singing at the end was probably the very last thing we added to the album before we released it . I decided I wanted a group of people singing the chorus sort of at the last minute - - as we were mixing the album . So in the dead of winter , I invited a bunch of friends to come to the studio and we all sang together . 2or3lines : There 's what I would call a coda at the end of " Slouch , " and I have to admit I 'm confused by the lyrics that conclude the song : Andy : The alpha / omega references relate to shifting powers and roles that were happening at that time and that I just didn 't understand . This is a reference to the power play situation mentioned before . It 's also kind of references how different people play different roles in different situations or with different people . You may be confident around some people and then play the role of being subordinate around others . Andy : The album got good reviews . I remember Flagpole saying that our songs sounded too happy to come from a Georgia group . . . that they sounded more like sunny California pop . [ NOTE : Flagpole is an alternative newspaper that focuses on the cultural scene in Athens , Georgia , which is the home of the University of Georgia . ] I took no offense to that ! The album got a decent amount of play on college radio , especially on the University of Georgia and Georgia State stations , and every so often I get little royalty checks and I buy the band drinks with them . Today 's 2 or 3 lines presents the second installment of my four - part conversation with Andy . ( You can click here to read the first installment . ) We 'll pick things up where we left off and learn about how she put together The Yum Yum Tree and who her favorite songwriters and singers are . Andy : Yes . That worked out horribly and after a year I quit school . But there was so much amazing music going on in Atlanta I decided to stay here . I knew ONE person in Atlanta when I moved here . When I left Texas I thought I was leaving music behind . I never thought I would play in Atlanta , but surprisingly music is why I stayed here and why I ADORE this city . 2or3lines : How did you get acquainted with other Atlanta musicians ? Andy : I think that all of my friends in Atlanta can somehow be linked back to the ads that I placed or they placed in the " Musician Wanted " section of the Creative Loafing classifieds . [ NOTE : Creative Loafing is an Atlanta alternative weekly newspaper . ] I met two of my dearest friends - who became members of The Yum Yum Tree - through one ad that mentioned the Jesus and Mary Chain . I remember one ad I placed said something like " Searching for my Joey Santiago ! " [ NOTE : Santiago was the lead guitarist for the Pixies . ] Someone should do a study of those ads . Figuring out which bands came from what ads would look like the world 's most complicated epidemiology chart ! 2or3lines : Tell me more about The Yum Yum Tree . How did that band get started ? Andy : After Hannibal told me " You are the band , " he offered to help me get things off the ground by playing guitar for a while . He had other commitments but he wanted to help . So I had a temporary guitarist and I was a bass player - that left me needing a drummer . A few months before I had played a bit with a guitarist named Scott Lewis who I met through the classified ad that mentioned the Jesus and Mary Chain . Scott actually kicked me out of his band after a few weeks . But his roommate , Matt Harr , was a drummer that I really liked . 2or3lines : How did you talk Matt into coming aboard ? Andy : Drummers were in really high demand , but I was determined . So I met Matt at a movie and tried to put on my charm . I think he knew a little about the music I was writing but I don 't think I told him that I was going to ask him to play with me . I showed up with my demo and told him , " So , I we 're recording in six weeks and have a show booked in eight weeks . We 're called The Yum Yum Tree . Do you want to be our drummer ? " I think I took him by surprise , but he said yes . Scott was mad that I stole Matt as apparently he wanted to use him in the project I had been kicked out of , but I moved in quicker . What 's funny is that a year or so later Scott joined The Yum Yum Tree and is still a very close friend . Andy : What 's really magical is that Matt , Hannibal and I did record an EP six weeks after we got together , and played a live show two weeks after that . Our song " Bad Idea " was immediately picked up by WRAS , which was the Georgia State University radio station . They played that song almost every single day for a year ! It was awesome . And we didn 't even have a permanent guitarist . 2or3lines : It appears from the credits for your two albums - Reverse Engines and Paint by Numbers - - that The Yum Yum Tree has had quite a few personnel changes over the years . Andy : There were a myriad of people who played with The Yum Yum Tree over the years . I had a lot of guitarists . We replaced Hannibal with Kent Honea on guitar . Kent finished our first album with us and became the key guitarist in the Yum Yum Tree . Trey Tidwell and Scott Lewis traded spots as second guitarist for a couple of years . Then about ten years ago , I took a break from the group . Andy Gish with Kent Honea , Scott Lewis , and Matt Harr Andy : Honestly , I think none of us were having much fun and I had no idea what the next step was . I 'm not sure I was the best leader back then . I was great at getting stuff done , shows booked , etc . But I think because I never saw myself as a front person I was always really uncomfortable as a leader . I remember being in practice one day and looking over at Matt and thinking to myself , " He 's really not happy and I have no idea what to do . " We talked and decided that eventually we would part ways - not immediately , but in a few months . I 've never really admitted this even to myself , but I wasn 't planning on replacing Matt . I was just going to silently break up the band . I just knew it wouldn 't be the same without him and I needed to pause and regroup . Andy : I spent the next year or so writing alone in my bedroom and going to friends ' shows . The Yum Yum Tree had been so busy playing around the Southeast that I felt like I was never home . I never saw my dog , I was always sick , and I never got to see my friend 's bands play unless we were playing a show together . I knew I needed to experience life to write better songs again . After I had gathered a fresh handful of songs with a new approach on angst , I started looking for people to play with . I think I found Alex Pilson first . We had played once together back around 2000 , before I officially formed The Yum Yum Tree , and he was a great drummer . Then I found myself in the predicament of not having a guitarist . It seems unbelievable to most musicians that in the great void of drummers and bass players that I was always searching for a guitarist ! 2or3lines : That 's very interesting . I didn 't realize that good drummers and bass players were so hard to find compared to guitarists . So how did you find your new guitarist ? Andy : I placed a classified ad in Creative Loafing again and Tim Hill responded . We then met at a Starbucks . I can 't explain this but before we even played together I somehow knew that Tim was my guitarist . I went ahead and got a new practice space and that day because I knew I had a new version of Yum Yum Tree . Andy : I basically think of our first album as representing version one of Yum Yum Tree and the second album as representing version two - but actually there was a lot of overlap . Some of the songs on Paint by Numbers were actually recorded by Matt Harr , Kent Honea , Scott Lewis and myself - version one of the band . But I recorded most of the songs on Paint by Numbers with Alex Pilson and Tim Hill . Before we finished the album , I decided to go to nursing school . Somehow I thought being back in school would allow me for more time for the band . Sadly , it did not . Because of school , I kind of sat on Paint by Numbers for a while , and by the time it was mixed and ready to go Tim had other commitments . So when Alex and I released Paint by Numbers we added friends Michelle Friedman and John McNicolas to support the album . Tim actually did come back for a show in 2008 . So The Yum Yum Tree played its official last show with Tim Hill , Alex Pilson and Michelle Friedman . Andy : Gosh , it 's hard to say . I listened to so much music that I think it just festered into something completely different . We were always compared to Throwing Muses , MagnaPop , and Mazzy Star , but honestly the only one of those groups that I ever listened to before Yum Yum Tree was Mazzy Star . My songs have lyrical references to Ultra Vivid Scene , The Weakerthans , Jeff Buckley and Syd Barrett . But I 'd say my biggest influence was the Pixies . I loved how bass played such an important role in their songs . I loved how Joey [ Santiago ] just made up atypical guitar parts up that seemed unrelated to the rest of the song but fit so well . Andy Gish at a Weakerthans show Andy : I guess the thing that influenced me the most was not really knowing what the hell I was doing . Not really knowing what a C chord was . Not knowing what I was supposed to do . I guess that is how growing up in Texas influenced me . In Texas you come up with your own way of doing things , you make your own rules . You know , doing this interview has made me realize that my approach to songwriting is really quite haphazard . Andy : I usually write an outline of the song on guitar and then give it to the guitarist to flesh out . Only then do I write a bass part . I used to think this was because I was lazy but I guess it makes for unique songwriting . Because the original part is played on guitar , I 'm forced to come up with something completely different for the bass part . I 've never really thought about it much . With so much of my music , I kind of just do it without any plan and see what happens . I guess for me that 's what makes it art . Andy : That 's awesome . I get a lot of compliments about my bass playing and it still makes me blush . I will say I do play differently than most . I think this is because I am actually left - handed but I play right - handed . No one told me there were left - handed instruments until I was 22 . I had no idea there was another option . I think this is why I can sing and play at the same time without effort - I use different parts of my brain . I don 't think of myself as particularly skilled , I just do it my own way . I have a handful of guitars , but I only have one bass - a seventies - vintage Aria - type violin bass - - which I play through a Fender Bassman 135 tube amplifier . It basically a knockoff of the first Gibson bass , the EB1 . For me , the magic seems to come from the fact that it has a semi - hollow body without f - holes . It 's warm and roars a little without being overly dramatic . I love Fender tube amps and I think these two pieces together are just awesome . They are all I will ever need . Andy : What 's funny is I pay no attention to bass players when I listen to recorded music ! That sounds horrible but I always listen to the guitarist . I hate to say this . It 's going to make me sound like a horrible person but it 's really easy to fake bass playing . I really shouldn 't be saying this . Andy : [ Laughter . ] I really think Kim Deal is a great bass player . If anyone influenced me I would say it was her and the Pixies wouldn 't be the Pixies without her style of playing . I also really love Hank Sullivant , who was the first bass player in the Whigs , and Dave Chase , a local Atlanta bass player who is just amazing . Andy : I adore PJ Harvey . I love how she breaks rules and doesn 't seem to filter herself . She 's really unique . She 's not a " female " singer - - she 's just a singer . 2or3lines : One review I read compared your singing to Courtney Love of Hole . I think your voice sounds a lot like Gwen Stefani at times , although your singing style may be closer to Chrissie Hynde of the Pretenders . Who do you think you sound like ? Andy : Oh goodness - - it 's hard for me to say . I wouldn 't have guessed any of those . I think my singing style has mellowed and matured through the years . I have a lower singing range , which I like . So I understand the Chrissie Hynde reference and I 'll take that ! She 's awesome . I was always really grateful for the comparisons I got to Hope Sandavol from Mazzy Star . Her voice is so warm and velvety . I love that my voice has a warmth to it . I get that from my mother . It 's haunting when we sing together . Andy : I think that the female songwriters that I liked the most in the years before I started writing myself were Juliana Hatfield and Tanya Donelly of Throwing Muses . I love their approach to writing a catchy rock song . They are great with atypical hooks . Lately , I can 't stop listening to Jessica Lea Mayfield 's album Tell Me . " Paint by Numbers " is the last track on the Paint by Numbers album , and it 's a winner . Andy shows off her bass guitar skills during the extended instrumental introduction , and then shows off her vocal talents during the rest of the song . Everything else about " Paint by Numbers " - the guitar work , the drumming , and the production - is first - rate as well . It turns out there were two different bands who called themselves Yum Yum Tree . The group that recorded " Calvary " was from New York City . The group that released Paint by Numbers ( and who called themselves The Yum Yum Tree ) was from Atlanta . I tracked down the Atlanta group 's singer - songwriter - bass player , Andy Gish , and asked her if I could interview her for 2 or 3 lines . Andy agreed , and provided detailed answers to my very long list of questions . ( When I get going with a musician whose music I admire , I don 't know when to stop . ) Andy Gish : I was born in Wadsworth , Ohio , which is a beautiful little town near Akron . My family moved to Houston when I was seven . Looking back , I think that move was actually pretty traumatic and probably changed me as a person . 2or3lines : In what way ? Andy : Growing up as an only child in suburban Houston , I felt really isolated . I don 't want this to sound overly dramatic but I really think that in that isolation music became my closest friend . To this day it is the place I go when I need to talk something out . It 's actually pretty damn therapeutic and still remains such a gift in my life . 2or3lines : I understand that both of your parents were musicians . Andy : Yes , my parents are both musicians and they both write music . Neither of them were classically trained . My mother plays bass and piano and my dad can play anything that makes a noise . I once found him in the music room playing drums with his feet with a guitar in his lap and singing . I thought he had a whole band in there playing with him . I remember one Christmas I was watching my dad play the keyboard part of " California Girls " by the Beach Boys . He had never played this before and was just playing it by ear . I once said to him " Dad , where 's middle C on the piano ? " He said , " Um , I 'm not sure . " He is completely unaware of how naturally gifted he is . 2or3lines : How did you learn to play ? Andy : Our family way of learning was one person showing another person how to play a song they wrote and then just letting you go from there . The instruments were always there . I love that they never gave me any lessons . Instead , they played with their ears and their hearts . I learned from them that if music feels right , it 's right . Years later while recording with The Yum Yum Tree , the engineer asked me to show him a chord I was playing on guitar . I showed him , and his eyes got huge and he said , " You know , that 's totally not a chord . It 's completely wrong , but it sounds so right ! " Andy : When I was five , Sean Cassidy was my favorite musician and was my first concert - I rushed the stage ! Blondie 's " Call Me " was the first 45 I bought with my own money . When I was seven , I thought Cheap Trick was the best band in the whole world . I went through a brief period of listening to some hair bands with my friends and then when I was 12 I discovered The Cure and everything changed . I still remember hearing the beginning of " Killing an Arab " and saying to myself , " This is MY music ! " From then on I mostly listened to British music - - My Bloody Valentine , Radiohead , Chapterhouse , The Wonder Stuff - - and actually went to the UK as an exchange student just because of my love of the music they produced . The Pixies and the Stone Roses were also favorites of mine . 2or3lines : Were most of your friends into music as much as you were ? Andy : My high - school friends and I planned our schedules around upcoming concerts , and we all stayed up late on Sunday nights to watch 120 Minutes . [ NOTE : 120 Minutes was an MTV show dedicated to alternative music videos that aired from 1986 to 2003 . ] Some of those friends were musicians , but I never really played with anyone from high school like most people do . 2or3lines : Tell us about your first band . Andy : When I was 15 I went to a street festival in Montrose - - which was the hip , artsy area of Houston - - and saw a band I really liked called The Devil 's Workshop . They reminded me of Ultra Vivid Scene . About five months later I joined that band as the bass player . I had to commute to downtown Houston by bus to practice ! All the other members were in their twenties and thirties - - I was literally half the age of the frontman / guitarist - and I played my first show at a bar a week before my 16th birthday . It was actually perfect . I got to skip the awkward part of starting a band with your high school mates and I got to join a real band that played gigs downtown . It was pretty awesome . From that point on I really looked at high school as just a means to an end . I had good friends there , but my real life was downtown practicing and playing shows . Andy : I think I wrote my first song when I was about ten , but I did not write a song that I really liked until I was 24 . From playing in The Devil 's Workshop , I learned how to play in a rock band and how to record before I left high school . However , it wasn 't until I moved to Atlanta , away from everything that I knew , that I wrote a song I actually liked . I assumed that I was a performer and not a songwriter until then - - which didn 't make sense , because both my parents wrote music . But in the quiet of Atlanta - when I was alone for the first time in my life - - I picked up my Hofner Galaxie 175 guitar , and I wrote a song I loved ! I literally couldn 't believe it . Writing songs became addictive . I would stay up till 4 AM while in grad school and write song after song . Somehow after playing and writing for all those years , I had finally tapped into something that had been festering under the surface . It was an amazing feeling . Andy : No , not at first . I started looking for bands to play with in Atlanta and I just couldn 't find what I wanted . In the meantime , I recorded a four - track demo of my songs and passed it around to Atlanta musicians to get their opinions . 2or3lines : What was the reaction to the demo ? Andy : A local guitarist named Hannibal Heredia - - who would later become The Yum Yum Tree 's first official guitarist - - pulled me aside and said " Andy , stop looking for a band to join . YOU are the band . These songs are good enough . You just need some players . Be the band ! " I will always be grateful that Hannibal gave me permission to be the band , because without that encouragement I really don 't know if I ever would have had the guts to start The Yum Yum Tree . I would have played music , sure , but I don 't think I ever would have embraced being the front person . In fact , I still find it hard to believe that I am the front person . Andy : It 's hard to write a song about a person whom you loved and who has died . It is surely hard to write a good one . You end up being overly melodramatic and sad . . . . But I did not want the song to be sad . . . . I wanted to write a fun song for Michelle to celebrate all she loved and all we shared . So I started off with a funky beat hoping for the best . The rest of the song kind of wrote itself . The end of the song kind of seems like a lullaby . . . not sad but just peaceful . More about life than death . Michelle was born in February - that is why the song is called " Februaries . " That 's pretty much all there is about Yum Yum Tree on the Internet . I doubt that anyone who reads this will know anything about the band . But if you do , please contact me . Click below to hear " Calvary " : " It Should 've Been Me , " which was released in 1954 , was one of Ray Charles ' earliest hit singles . I only became acquainted with the Ray Charles version of that song recently . The version of the song I knew prior to that was Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen 's cover , which was released on the group 's second album , Hot Licks , Cold Steel & Truckers ' Favorites , in 1972 : In the first verse of " It Should 've Been Me , " the singer sees a swell - looking chick walking out of a fine hotel . He 's about to try out a line on her when a Cadillac cruises up . The woman gets into the Cadillac and drives away , leaving the singer to lament that : After all , women are fickle - even when you talk one into staying with you for a while , she 's going to try to tell you what to do . But a big - ass scoop of vanilla ice cream on top of a good - sized slice of chocolate cake ( with chocolate icing , of course ) will never let you down . Of course , if your ice cream and cake doesn 't satisfy your hunger , you can always try to hook up with the waitress . Speaking of hooking up , Ray Charles had twelve children with ten different women . The oldest was born in 1949 , and the youngest was born in 1987 . ( Imagine having a half - brother who is 38 years older than you are . ) Ray had no children with his first wife , but that marriage didn 't last long , so you can 't really blame him . He had three children with his second wife . Of his remaining nine children - with nine different mothers - five were born while he was still married to wife number two . ( Awkward ! ) Ray really hit his stride in 1958 , the year he turned 28 . He had babies born in 1958 , 1959 , 1960 , 1961 , 1963 , 1966 , and 1966 - that 's six mothers and seven babies in eight years . As you Steve Miller fans know , " The Joker " contains almost exactly the same lyrics . ( Did you notice the grammatical error in this post ? It 's actually not an error , but most of you self - appointed grammar Nazis out there are going to think it is . ) Here 's " It Should 've Been Me " : [ NOTE : This may not be the worst 2 or 3 lines post ever written , but it 's pretty damn close . Let 's call a spade a spade : the Eagles are a pretty easy target , and the incident I 'm about to relate took place almost 18 months ago . . . so it 's not exactly breaking news . But I 'm hitting the road in a few days and won 't be able to publish anything for a week or so . Which leaves me standing in front of a very leaky dyke without enough fingers to plug all the holes . Which is why you 're getting a second - rate effort like this one . After all , when you 're locked in to doing three posts a week - come hell or high water - quantity may just have to trump quality every once in a while . ] Vernett Bader of North Charleston , South Carolina , obviously feels the same way . When her roommate and his visiting brother refused to stop listening to Eagles tunes one night , the 54 - year - old Ms . Bader went after her 64 - year - old roomie with a 14 - inch serrated bread knife , stabbing his arm and hand . According to newspaper accounts , Vernett 's roommate - whom she had previously " dated " - was able to take the knife away from her . She then went back to the kitchen and rearmed herself with a second knife . Vernett later admitted to police that she had stabbed the man several times , but claimed that she had done so in self - defense because he was choking her . But the officers who responded to the incident said they saw no marks on her neck that indicated any attempted strangulation . Here 's the least surprising fact about the incident : investigators said that Vernett Bader , her roommate , and his brother were all intoxicated at the time . ( Didn 't see that one coming , did you ? ) We don 't know which particular Eagles song was playing when Ms . Bader suddenly snapped and went for the bread knife . There are many candidates - " Peaceful Easy Feeling , " " Best of My Love , " " One of These Nights , " " Take It to the Limit , " " New Kid in Town , " and " The Long Run , " to name just a few . Hearing any of them once too often might have pushed me over the edge . But my guess is that it was " Desperado " that galvanized Vernett into action . The first line of that song is " Desperado , why don 't you come to your senses ? " If you ask me , that 's exactly what Vernett Bader did . If I 'm on her jury , I don 't care what the judge 's instructions say - I 'm voting " not guilty . " Kentucky bluebird . . . fly away ! I 'm pretty sure that the movie star Ashley Judd wasn 't the Kentucky bluebird that Burt Bacharach and Hal David had in mind when they wrote " Message to Martha " in 1962 . For one thing , Ms . Judd wasn 't born until 1968 . Ashley Judd " Kentucky bluebird " is an appropriate sobriquet for Ms . Judd because she is a graduate of the University of Kentucky , and the university 's colors are blue and white . ( I 'd describe the particular shade of blue that the University of Kentucky uses as royal blue . Officially , the color is Pantone Matching System - or PMS - 286 . ) Ashley - may I call you Ashley , my dear Ms . Judd ? - is a fan of all University of Kentucky sports teams . She 's even attended a few UK football games , although the school 's football teams are generally awful . ( The Wildcats were 5 - 7 on the gridiron in 2014 , but 2 - 10 in both in 2013 and 2012 . ) Ashley Judd 's favorite Kentucky team isn 't the football team or the hockey team . It 's the men 's basketball team . Kentucky has been a basketball power for decades . It won the national championship in 2012 , was the runner - up in 2014 , and was heavily favored to win the title this year . The Wildcats ' first game in the NCAA tournament this year was against the Hampton University Pirates . Hampton had lost only 17 more regular - season games than Kentucky - the Pirates went 17 - 17 , while Kentucky had a perfect 34 - 0 record - and the chances of Kentucky losing were about one in a zillion . ( Ms . Judd doesn 't take her children to basketball games because she has no children . That 's because she believes that " [ i ] t 's unconscionable to breed , with the number of children who are starving to death in impoverished countries . " After reading that quote , I 'm embarrassed to admit that I have four children . ) Ashley 's psychological problems go much deeper than basketball - related anxiety . According to her 2011 memoir , All That Is Bitter and Sweet , Ashley was the victim of incest and abuse when she was a child . Ms . Judd told ABC News that she was exposed early and inappropriately to sex because of her mother 's affairs with men : Ashley says she only learned to fight her demons after entering rehab for depression at Shades of Hope in Texas . Therapy sessions there exposed memories of childhood incest . Judd said she still has bouts of depression . Ms . Judd has described good ol ' Shug as a service dog - which federal law defines as a dog or other animal individually trained to provide assistance to an individual with a disability . We 're all familiar with the service dogs that guide blind people . But there are other kinds of service dogs , including psychiatric service dogs , who are trained to help their owners deal with psychiatric disabilities like schizophrenia or post - traumatic stress disability ( " PTSD " ) . As I understand it , depression may qualify as a disability under certain circumstances . If Shug has been specifically trained to help Ms . Judd deal with her disability , he would meet the definition of a service animal . Federal law requires that businesses must allow a service animal to accompany a disabled individual to any place where that individual is normally allowed to go - including sports arenas like the one where Ashley Judd attended the Kentucky - Hampton basketball game . About an hour into the flight , I started smelling this terrible smell . I thought it was the family in front of me - I have a little eight - month - old and I was like , " That is the worst blowout I have ever smelled . " I look up the aisle and there 's a dog pooping right in the middle of the aisle . It 's a big dog , three or four feet tall or long , and he was just going . . . . It wasn 't little pieces , it was fully - fledged dog - diarrhea . . . . The second time after the dog pooped they ran out of paper towels , they didn 't have anything else . As I noted above , Ashley Judd has described her dog as a service dog . This article backs her up . But others have said that Shug is really an emotional support animal - which is a horse ( or , as here , a dog ) of a different color . The author of the New Yorker article , Patricia Marx , obtained ESA credentials for five animals . She was able to take a 15 - pound turtle into a Manhattan art museum , a Christian Louboutin shoe store , a deli , a hair salon , and a funeral home . She also went shopping for a handbag at the local Chanel boutique with a 30 - inch - long emotional support snake , boarded a bus with an emotional support turkey , and flew from Newark to Boston with a 26 - pound emotional support pig . Alpacas use a communal dung pile , where they do not graze . This behavior tends to limit the spread of internal parasites . Generally , males have much tidier , and fewer dung piles than females , which tend to stand in a line and all go at once . One female approaches the dung pile and begins to urinate and / or defecate , and the rest of the herd often follows . Because of their preference for using a dung pile , some alpacas have been successfully house - trained . If you are new to this blog , be sure to read the two oldest posts first - - my introductory post ( " What ? Who ? WHY ? " ) and the post about " She Don 't Know Why I 'm Here " by The Last - - because I saved the best for first .
|
But the Paint by Numbers track I 'd pick if I had to pick just one is " Slouch . " It grew on me quickly , and for awhile , I 'd repeat it over and over . In fact , if you knew just how many times in a row I would play it on my iPod , you 'd think I was weird . ( You may think that already . ) Andy : Wow . Thank you . I 've never thought of it as that . I mean , I like the song , but I think it was something I just kind of hammered out when I wrote it . I write on guitar but in my heart I am a bass player . So the backbone of " Slouch " was actually a bass - like part I wrote on guitar . I 've never thought about it before but this is probably why the song starts off with that part and then breaks into bar - chords when it gets more angsty and loud . Andy : I took a frustrating situation and processed it through the song 's lyrics . I will admit that most of my songs are about people in my life . Probably only my best friend knows who " Slouch " is about . Let 's just say it 's about someone who placed themselves very much in the center of my life - - both musically and personally - without an invitation to do so . All of a sudden I had someone in my life - - although not actually in my band - who was supporting me and admiring me , but also trying to control me . This was very strange to me and I really didn 't understand what was happening . He wasn 't a bad person by any means , but I just didn 't know what to do with the situation . My writing this song was me trying to work through it . . . as most of my songs are . 2or3lines : So would you say " Slouch " is typical of your songs , or is it an atypical song ? Andy : I guess something unique about this song is that it is much more intimate than the rest of the songs I was writing back then . My songs tended to be bathed in lots of metaphors , but this song was a lot more vulnerable . 2or3lines : " Slouch " begins with these lines : Andy : Scott Lewis and I once discussed the use of the word " impotent " in the song . For me , at that time , it was a very ballsy word for me to sing . . . much more than any actual swear words . Although in this context it is really just a metaphor to someone kind of shrugging their shoulders or not showing up to a situation or conversation . Still , for a women to stand on a stage and sing the word " impotent " seemed daring to me . It may not sound like much , but I remember being very uncomfortable with that line when we first started playing the song live , but I was resolved that it was the perfect word . Andy : This line was literally from me sitting on a couch with someone and debating if I was going to leave or not . They didn 't want me to leave but also this relationship was not moving forward . I guess it 's about this person 's inaction . And inaction is a frustrating as hell to me ! I admit it 's something I struggle with myself . Don 't they say that the things we don 't like in other people are also the things we don 't like in ourselves ? Well , there you go . Andy : Those lines were in reference to the power play situation I found myself in . I am very independent and can be quite rebellious if someone tries to control me . I think that is where I was coming from . There is definitely a lot of angst in the line " I don 't have the time right now to help you figure you out . " I hope this doesn 't make me sound arrogant , but I 've always been a person who had no problem expressing my identity . Good or bad , I 've always owned who I am . This may be going into too much detail but I think that owning your character appears to others as confidence . I don 't think that actually equates to confidence , sometimes it 's actually just resolve in accepting who you with all the glory of your faults . But what I experienced was that I was attracting people in my life who didn 't know their own character . I think I was attracting them because they also wanted to know who they were . Figuring out " who you are " can be grueling and uncomfortable . It 's like standing naked in front of a mirror going " OK , I guess this is what I got to work with . " I know for certain the angst from this line came from someone who seemed to want me to do that work for them . But it 's a task that no one can do for you . I surely don 't want to sound heartless , but I remember just being frustrated with the entire situation . It was intense but not very functional . And I guess I would ( one day ) like to be a person who jumps in seeing failure as a successful outcome . I 'm still working on that . Earlier the singer said she didn 't have the time " to help you figure you out , " but it seems that she is still waiting around for the guy to make up his mind about what he wants from her - and the fact that she is still waiting makes her a little frustrated with herself . Andy : Yeah , that 's true . I 'm a Scorpio , we hate waiting , yet we are very patient . Ambivalence is also very frustrating to me . I 'd rather know how someone feels about me - - good or bad - then move on from there . I also will completely admit that defaulting to ambivalence it one of my own personal flaws when I feel insecure . I 've recently been trying to practice what Brené Brown writes about vulnerability . It 's one of the hardest things I have ever done . ( By the way , confidence has never been sexy to me , but vulnerability is . ) One of her points that I love is that what we want people to share with us is their own vulnerability because they are sharing a true part of themselves . We want to feel like they are sharing their heart . . . their true self . Yet , this vulnerability is often the hardest thing for us to share with them . Seems unfair - - right ? I suppose most of my music is me attempting to explore and share my own vulnerability . So perhaps what I found most frustrating about the situation that inspired " Slouch " was also something I suffered from . Brené Brown on vulnerability Andy : The chorus of people singing at the end was probably the very last thing we added to the album before we released it . I decided I wanted a group of people singing the chorus sort of at the last minute - - as we were mixing the album . So in the dead of winter , I invited a bunch of friends to come to the studio and we all sang together . 2or3lines : There 's what I would call a coda at the end of " Slouch , " and I have to admit I 'm confused by the lyrics that conclude the song : Andy : The alpha / omega references relate to shifting powers and roles that were happening at that time and that I just didn 't understand . This is a reference to the power play situation mentioned before . It 's also kind of references how different people play different roles in different situations or with different people . You may be confident around some people and then play the role of being subordinate around others . Andy : The album got good reviews . I remember Flagpole saying that our songs sounded too happy to come from a Georgia group . . . that they sounded more like sunny California pop . [ NOTE : Flagpole is an alternative newspaper that focuses on the cultural scene in Athens , Georgia , which is the home of the University of Georgia . ] I took no offense to that ! The album got a decent amount of play on college radio , especially on the University of Georgia and Georgia State stations , and every so often I get little royalty checks and I buy the band drinks with them . Today 's 2 or 3 lines presents the second installment of my four - part conversation with Andy . ( You can click here to read the first installment . ) We 'll pick things up where we left off and learn about how she put together The Yum Yum Tree and who her favorite songwriters and singers are . Andy : Yes . That worked out horribly and after a year I quit school . But there was so much amazing music going on in Atlanta I decided to stay here . I knew ONE person in Atlanta when I moved here . When I left Texas I thought I was leaving music behind . I never thought I would play in Atlanta , but surprisingly music is why I stayed here and why I ADORE this city . 2or3lines : How did you get acquainted with other Atlanta musicians ? Andy : I think that all of my friends in Atlanta can somehow be linked back to the ads that I placed or they placed in the " Musician Wanted " section of the Creative Loafing classifieds . [ NOTE : Creative Loafing is an Atlanta alternative weekly newspaper . ] I met two of my dearest friends - who became members of The Yum Yum Tree - through one ad that mentioned the Jesus and Mary Chain . I remember one ad I placed said something like " Searching for my Joey Santiago ! " [ NOTE : Santiago was the lead guitarist for the Pixies . ] Someone should do a study of those ads . Figuring out which bands came from what ads would look like the world 's most complicated epidemiology chart ! 2or3lines : Tell me more about The Yum Yum Tree . How did that band get started ? Andy : After Hannibal told me " You are the band , " he offered to help me get things off the ground by playing guitar for a while . He had other commitments but he wanted to help . So I had a temporary guitarist and I was a bass player - that left me needing a drummer . A few months before I had played a bit with a guitarist named Scott Lewis who I met through the classified ad that mentioned the Jesus and Mary Chain . Scott actually kicked me out of his band after a few weeks . But his roommate , Matt Harr , was a drummer that I really liked . 2or3lines : How did you talk Matt into coming aboard ? Andy : Drummers were in really high demand , but I was determined . So I met Matt at a movie and tried to put on my charm . I think he knew a little about the music I was writing but I don 't think I told him that I was going to ask him to play with me . I showed up with my demo and told him , " So , I we 're recording in six weeks and have a show booked in eight weeks . We 're called The Yum Yum Tree . Do you want to be our drummer ? " I think I took him by surprise , but he said yes . Scott was mad that I stole Matt as apparently he wanted to use him in the project I had been kicked out of , but I moved in quicker . What 's funny is that a year or so later Scott joined The Yum Yum Tree and is still a very close friend . Andy : What 's really magical is that Matt , Hannibal and I did record an EP six weeks after we got together , and played a live show two weeks after that . Our song " Bad Idea " was immediately picked up by WRAS , which was the Georgia State University radio station . They played that song almost every single day for a year ! It was awesome . And we didn 't even have a permanent guitarist . 2or3lines : It appears from the credits for your two albums - Reverse Engines and Paint by Numbers - - that The Yum Yum Tree has had quite a few personnel changes over the years . Andy : There were a myriad of people who played with The Yum Yum Tree over the years . I had a lot of guitarists . We replaced Hannibal with Kent Honea on guitar . Kent finished our first album with us and became the key guitarist in the Yum Yum Tree . Trey Tidwell and Scott Lewis traded spots as second guitarist for a couple of years . Then about ten years ago , I took a break from the group . Andy Gish with Kent Honea , Scott Lewis , and Matt Harr Andy : Honestly , I think none of us were having much fun and I had no idea what the next step was . I 'm not sure I was the best leader back then . I was great at getting stuff done , shows booked , etc . But I think because I never saw myself as a front person I was always really uncomfortable as a leader . I remember being in practice one day and looking over at Matt and thinking to myself , " He 's really not happy and I have no idea what to do . " We talked and decided that eventually we would part ways - not immediately , but in a few months . I 've never really admitted this even to myself , but I wasn 't planning on replacing Matt . I was just going to silently break up the band . I just knew it wouldn 't be the same without him and I needed to pause and regroup . Andy : I spent the next year or so writing alone in my bedroom and going to friends ' shows . The Yum Yum Tree had been so busy playing around the Southeast that I felt like I was never home . I never saw my dog , I was always sick , and I never got to see my friend 's bands play unless we were playing a show together . I knew I needed to experience life to write better songs again . After I had gathered a fresh handful of songs with a new approach on angst , I started looking for people to play with . I think I found Alex Pilson first . We had played once together back around 2000 , before I officially formed The Yum Yum Tree , and he was a great drummer . Then I found myself in the predicament of not having a guitarist . It seems unbelievable to most musicians that in the great void of drummers and bass players that I was always searching for a guitarist ! 2or3lines : That 's very interesting . I didn 't realize that good drummers and bass players were so hard to find compared to guitarists . So how did you find your new guitarist ? Andy : I placed a classified ad in Creative Loafing again and Tim Hill responded . We then met at a Starbucks . I can 't explain this but before we even played together I somehow knew that Tim was my guitarist . I went ahead and got a new practice space and that day because I knew I had a new version of Yum Yum Tree . Andy : I basically think of our first album as representing version one of Yum Yum Tree and the second album as representing version two - but actually there was a lot of overlap . Some of the songs on Paint by Numbers were actually recorded by Matt Harr , Kent Honea , Scott Lewis and myself - version one of the band . But I recorded most of the songs on Paint by Numbers with Alex Pilson and Tim Hill . Before we finished the album , I decided to go to nursing school . Somehow I thought being back in school would allow me for more time for the band . Sadly , it did not . Because of school , I kind of sat on Paint by Numbers for a while , and by the time it was mixed and ready to go Tim had other commitments . So when Alex and I released Paint by Numbers we added friends Michelle Friedman and John McNicolas to support the album . Tim actually did come back for a show in 2008 . So The Yum Yum Tree played its official last show with Tim Hill , Alex Pilson and Michelle Friedman . Andy : Gosh , it 's hard to say . I listened to so much music that I think it just festered into something completely different . We were always compared to Throwing Muses , MagnaPop , and Mazzy Star , but honestly the only one of those groups that I ever listened to before Yum Yum Tree was Mazzy Star . My songs have lyrical references to Ultra Vivid Scene , The Weakerthans , Jeff Buckley and Syd Barrett . But I 'd say my biggest influence was the Pixies . I loved how bass played such an important role in their songs . I loved how Joey [ Santiago ] just made up atypical guitar parts up that seemed unrelated to the rest of the song but fit so well . Andy Gish at a Weakerthans show Andy : I guess the thing that influenced me the most was not really knowing what the hell I was doing . Not really knowing what a C chord was . Not knowing what I was supposed to do . I guess that is how growing up in Texas influenced me . In Texas you come up with your own way of doing things , you make your own rules . You know , doing this interview has made me realize that my approach to songwriting is really quite haphazard . Andy : I usually write an outline of the song on guitar and then give it to the guitarist to flesh out . Only then do I write a bass part . I used to think this was because I was lazy but I guess it makes for unique songwriting . Because the original part is played on guitar , I 'm forced to come up with something completely different for the bass part . I 've never really thought about it much . With so much of my music , I kind of just do it without any plan and see what happens . I guess for me that 's what makes it art . Andy : That 's awesome . I get a lot of compliments about my bass playing and it still makes me blush . I will say I do play differently than most . I think this is because I am actually left - handed but I play right - handed . No one told me there were left - handed instruments until I was 22 . I had no idea there was another option . I think this is why I can sing and play at the same time without effort - I use different parts of my brain . I don 't think of myself as particularly skilled , I just do it my own way . I have a handful of guitars , but I only have one bass - a seventies - vintage Aria - type violin bass - - which I play through a Fender Bassman 135 tube amplifier . It basically a knockoff of the first Gibson bass , the EB1 . For me , the magic seems to come from the fact that it has a semi - hollow body without f - holes . It 's warm and roars a little without being overly dramatic . I love Fender tube amps and I think these two pieces together are just awesome . They are all I will ever need . Andy : What 's funny is I pay no attention to bass players when I listen to recorded music ! That sounds horrible but I always listen to the guitarist . I hate to say this . It 's going to make me sound like a horrible person but it 's really easy to fake bass playing . I really shouldn 't be saying this . Andy : [ Laughter . ] I really think Kim Deal is a great bass player . If anyone influenced me I would say it was her and the Pixies wouldn 't be the Pixies without her style of playing . I also really love Hank Sullivant , who was the first bass player in the Whigs , and Dave Chase , a local Atlanta bass player who is just amazing . Andy : I adore PJ Harvey . I love how she breaks rules and doesn 't seem to filter herself . She 's really unique . She 's not a " female " singer - - she 's just a singer . 2or3lines : One review I read compared your singing to Courtney Love of Hole . I think your voice sounds a lot like Gwen Stefani at times , although your singing style may be closer to Chrissie Hynde of the Pretenders . Who do you think you sound like ? Andy : Oh goodness - - it 's hard for me to say . I wouldn 't have guessed any of those . I think my singing style has mellowed and matured through the years . I have a lower singing range , which I like . So I understand the Chrissie Hynde reference and I 'll take that ! She 's awesome . I was always really grateful for the comparisons I got to Hope Sandavol from Mazzy Star . Her voice is so warm and velvety . I love that my voice has a warmth to it . I get that from my mother . It 's haunting when we sing together . Andy : I think that the female songwriters that I liked the most in the years before I started writing myself were Juliana Hatfield and Tanya Donelly of Throwing Muses . I love their approach to writing a catchy rock song . They are great with atypical hooks . Lately , I can 't stop listening to Jessica Lea Mayfield 's album Tell Me . " Paint by Numbers " is the last track on the Paint by Numbers album , and it 's a winner . Andy shows off her bass guitar skills during the extended instrumental introduction , and then shows off her vocal talents during the rest of the song . Everything else about " Paint by Numbers " - the guitar work , the drumming , and the production - is first - rate as well . It turns out there were two different bands who called themselves Yum Yum Tree . The group that recorded " Calvary " was from New York City . The group that released Paint by Numbers ( and who called themselves The Yum Yum Tree ) was from Atlanta . I tracked down the Atlanta group 's singer - songwriter - bass player , Andy Gish , and asked her if I could interview her for 2 or 3 lines . Andy agreed , and provided detailed answers to my very long list of questions . ( When I get going with a musician whose music I admire , I don 't know when to stop . ) Andy Gish : I was born in Wadsworth , Ohio , which is a beautiful little town near Akron . My family moved to Houston when I was seven . Looking back , I think that move was actually pretty traumatic and probably changed me as a person . 2or3lines : In what way ? Andy : Growing up as an only child in suburban Houston , I felt really isolated . I don 't want this to sound overly dramatic but I really think that in that isolation music became my closest friend . To this day it is the place I go when I need to talk something out . It 's actually pretty damn therapeutic and still remains such a gift in my life . 2or3lines : I understand that both of your parents were musicians . Andy : Yes , my parents are both musicians and they both write music . Neither of them were classically trained . My mother plays bass and piano and my dad can play anything that makes a noise . I once found him in the music room playing drums with his feet with a guitar in his lap and singing . I thought he had a whole band in there playing with him . I remember one Christmas I was watching my dad play the keyboard part of " California Girls " by the Beach Boys . He had never played this before and was just playing it by ear . I once said to him " Dad , where 's middle C on the piano ? " He said , " Um , I 'm not sure . " He is completely unaware of how naturally gifted he is . 2or3lines : How did you learn to play ? Andy : Our family way of learning was one person showing another person how to play a song they wrote and then just letting you go from there . The instruments were always there . I love that they never gave me any lessons . Instead , they played with their ears and their hearts . I learned from them that if music feels right , it 's right . Years later while recording with The Yum Yum Tree , the engineer asked me to show him a chord I was playing on guitar . I showed him , and his eyes got huge and he said , " You know , that 's totally not a chord . It 's completely wrong , but it sounds so right ! " Andy : When I was five , Sean Cassidy was my favorite musician and was my first concert - I rushed the stage ! Blondie 's " Call Me " was the first 45 I bought with my own money . When I was seven , I thought Cheap Trick was the best band in the whole world . I went through a brief period of listening to some hair bands with my friends and then when I was 12 I discovered The Cure and everything changed . I still remember hearing the beginning of " Killing an Arab " and saying to myself , " This is MY music ! " From then on I mostly listened to British music - - My Bloody Valentine , Radiohead , Chapterhouse , The Wonder Stuff - - and actually went to the UK as an exchange student just because of my love of the music they produced . The Pixies and the Stone Roses were also favorites of mine . 2or3lines : Were most of your friends into music as much as you were ? Andy : My high - school friends and I planned our schedules around upcoming concerts , and we all stayed up late on Sunday nights to watch 120 Minutes . [ NOTE : 120 Minutes was an MTV show dedicated to alternative music videos that aired from 1986 to 2003 . ] Some of those friends were musicians , but I never really played with anyone from high school like most people do . 2or3lines : Tell us about your first band . Andy : When I was 15 I went to a street festival in Montrose - - which was the hip , artsy area of Houston - - and saw a band I really liked called The Devil 's Workshop . They reminded me of Ultra Vivid Scene . About five months later I joined that band as the bass player . I had to commute to downtown Houston by bus to practice ! All the other members were in their twenties and thirties - - I was literally half the age of the frontman / guitarist - and I played my first show at a bar a week before my 16th birthday . It was actually perfect . I got to skip the awkward part of starting a band with your high school mates and I got to join a real band that played gigs downtown . It was pretty awesome . From that point on I really looked at high school as just a means to an end . I had good friends there , but my real life was downtown practicing and playing shows . Andy : I think I wrote my first song when I was about ten , but I did not write a song that I really liked until I was 24 . From playing in The Devil 's Workshop , I learned how to play in a rock band and how to record before I left high school . However , it wasn 't until I moved to Atlanta , away from everything that I knew , that I wrote a song I actually liked . I assumed that I was a performer and not a songwriter until then - - which didn 't make sense , because both my parents wrote music . But in the quiet of Atlanta - when I was alone for the first time in my life - - I picked up my Hofner Galaxie 175 guitar , and I wrote a song I loved ! I literally couldn 't believe it . Writing songs became addictive . I would stay up till 4 AM while in grad school and write song after song . Somehow after playing and writing for all those years , I had finally tapped into something that had been festering under the surface . It was an amazing feeling . Andy : No , not at first . I started looking for bands to play with in Atlanta and I just couldn 't find what I wanted . In the meantime , I recorded a four - track demo of my songs and passed it around to Atlanta musicians to get their opinions . 2or3lines : What was the reaction to the demo ? Andy : A local guitarist named Hannibal Heredia - - who would later become The Yum Yum Tree 's first official guitarist - - pulled me aside and said " Andy , stop looking for a band to join . YOU are the band . These songs are good enough . You just need some players . Be the band ! " I will always be grateful that Hannibal gave me permission to be the band , because without that encouragement I really don 't know if I ever would have had the guts to start The Yum Yum Tree . I would have played music , sure , but I don 't think I ever would have embraced being the front person . In fact , I still find it hard to believe that I am the front person . Andy : It 's hard to write a song about a person whom you loved and who has died . It is surely hard to write a good one . You end up being overly melodramatic and sad . . . . But I did not want the song to be sad . . . . I wanted to write a fun song for Michelle to celebrate all she loved and all we shared . So I started off with a funky beat hoping for the best . The rest of the song kind of wrote itself . The end of the song kind of seems like a lullaby . . . not sad but just peaceful . More about life than death . Michelle was born in February - that is why the song is called " Februaries . " That 's pretty much all there is about Yum Yum Tree on the Internet . I doubt that anyone who reads this will know anything about the band . But if you do , please contact me . Click below to hear " Calvary " : " It Should 've Been Me , " which was released in 1954 , was one of Ray Charles ' earliest hit singles . I only became acquainted with the Ray Charles version of that song recently . The version of the song I knew prior to that was Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen 's cover , which was released on the group 's second album , Hot Licks , Cold Steel & Truckers ' Favorites , in 1972 : In the first verse of " It Should 've Been Me , " the singer sees a swell - looking chick walking out of a fine hotel . He 's about to try out a line on her when a Cadillac cruises up . The woman gets into the Cadillac and drives away , leaving the singer to lament that : After all , women are fickle - even when you talk one into staying with you for a while , she 's going to try to tell you what to do . But a big - ass scoop of vanilla ice cream on top of a good - sized slice of chocolate cake ( with chocolate icing , of course ) will never let you down . Of course , if your ice cream and cake doesn 't satisfy your hunger , you can always try to hook up with the waitress . Speaking of hooking up , Ray Charles had twelve children with ten different women . The oldest was born in 1949 , and the youngest was born in 1987 . ( Imagine having a half - brother who is 38 years older than you are . ) Ray had no children with his first wife , but that marriage didn 't last long , so you can 't really blame him . He had three children with his second wife . Of his remaining nine children - with nine different mothers - five were born while he was still married to wife number two . ( Awkward ! ) Ray really hit his stride in 1958 , the year he turned 28 . He had babies born in 1958 , 1959 , 1960 , 1961 , 1963 , 1966 , and 1966 - that 's six mothers and seven babies in eight years . As you Steve Miller fans know , " The Joker " contains almost exactly the same lyrics . ( Did you notice the grammatical error in this post ? It 's actually not an error , but most of you self - appointed grammar Nazis out there are going to think it is . ) Here 's " It Should 've Been Me " : [ NOTE : This may not be the worst 2 or 3 lines post ever written , but it 's pretty damn close . Let 's call a spade a spade : the Eagles are a pretty easy target , and the incident I 'm about to relate took place almost 18 months ago . . . so it 's not exactly breaking news . But I 'm hitting the road in a few days and won 't be able to publish anything for a week or so . Which leaves me standing in front of a very leaky dyke without enough fingers to plug all the holes . Which is why you 're getting a second - rate effort like this one . After all , when you 're locked in to doing three posts a week - come hell or high water - quantity may just have to trump quality every once in a while . ] Vernett Bader of North Charleston , South Carolina , obviously feels the same way . When her roommate and his visiting brother refused to stop listening to Eagles tunes one night , the 54 - year - old Ms . Bader went after her 64 - year - old roomie with a 14 - inch serrated bread knife , stabbing his arm and hand . According to newspaper accounts , Vernett 's roommate - whom she had previously " dated " - was able to take the knife away from her . She then went back to the kitchen and rearmed herself with a second knife . Vernett later admitted to police that she had stabbed the man several times , but claimed that she had done so in self - defense because he was choking her . But the officers who responded to the incident said they saw no marks on her neck that indicated any attempted strangulation . Here 's the least surprising fact about the incident : investigators said that Vernett Bader , her roommate , and his brother were all intoxicated at the time . ( Didn 't see that one coming , did you ? ) We don 't know which particular Eagles song was playing when Ms . Bader suddenly snapped and went for the bread knife . There are many candidates - " Peaceful Easy Feeling , " " Best of My Love , " " One of These Nights , " " Take It to the Limit , " " New Kid in Town , " and " The Long Run , " to name just a few . Hearing any of them once too often might have pushed me over the edge . But my guess is that it was " Desperado " that galvanized Vernett into action . The first line of that song is " Desperado , why don 't you come to your senses ? " If you ask me , that 's exactly what Vernett Bader did . If I 'm on her jury , I don 't care what the judge 's instructions say - I 'm voting " not guilty . " Kentucky bluebird . . . fly away ! I 'm pretty sure that the movie star Ashley Judd wasn 't the Kentucky bluebird that Burt Bacharach and Hal David had in mind when they wrote " Message to Martha " in 1962 . For one thing , Ms . Judd wasn 't born until 1968 . Ashley Judd " Kentucky bluebird " is an appropriate sobriquet for Ms . Judd because she is a graduate of the University of Kentucky , and the university 's colors are blue and white . ( I 'd describe the particular shade of blue that the University of Kentucky uses as royal blue . Officially , the color is Pantone Matching System - or PMS - 286 . ) Ashley - may I call you Ashley , my dear Ms . Judd ? - is a fan of all University of Kentucky sports teams . She 's even attended a few UK football games , although the school 's football teams are generally awful . ( The Wildcats were 5 - 7 on the gridiron in 2014 , but 2 - 10 in both in 2013 and 2012 . ) Ashley Judd 's favorite Kentucky team isn 't the football team or the hockey team . It 's the men 's basketball team . Kentucky has been a basketball power for decades . It won the national championship in 2012 , was the runner - up in 2014 , and was heavily favored to win the title this year . The Wildcats ' first game in the NCAA tournament this year was against the Hampton University Pirates . Hampton had lost only 17 more regular - season games than Kentucky - the Pirates went 17 - 17 , while Kentucky had a perfect 34 - 0 record - and the chances of Kentucky losing were about one in a zillion . ( Ms . Judd doesn 't take her children to basketball games because she has no children . That 's because she believes that " [ i ] t 's unconscionable to breed , with the number of children who are starving to death in impoverished countries . " After reading that quote , I 'm embarrassed to admit that I have four children . ) Ashley 's psychological problems go much deeper than basketball - related anxiety . According to her 2011 memoir , All That Is Bitter and Sweet , Ashley was the victim of incest and abuse when she was a child . Ms . Judd told ABC News that she was exposed early and inappropriately to sex because of her mother 's affairs with men : Ashley says she only learned to fight her demons after entering rehab for depression at Shades of Hope in Texas . Therapy sessions there exposed memories of childhood incest . Judd said she still has bouts of depression . Ms . Judd has described good ol ' Shug as a service dog - which federal law defines as a dog or other animal individually trained to provide assistance to an individual with a disability . We 're all familiar with the service dogs that guide blind people . But there are other kinds of service dogs , including psychiatric service dogs , who are trained to help their owners deal with psychiatric disabilities like schizophrenia or post - traumatic stress disability ( " PTSD " ) . As I understand it , depression may qualify as a disability under certain circumstances . If Shug has been specifically trained to help Ms . Judd deal with her disability , he would meet the definition of a service animal . Federal law requires that businesses must allow a service animal to accompany a disabled individual to any place where that individual is normally allowed to go - including sports arenas like the one where Ashley Judd attended the Kentucky - Hampton basketball game . About an hour into the flight , I started smelling this terrible smell . I thought it was the family in front of me - I have a little eight - month - old and I was like , " That is the worst blowout I have ever smelled . " I look up the aisle and there 's a dog pooping right in the middle of the aisle . It 's a big dog , three or four feet tall or long , and he was just going . . . . It wasn 't little pieces , it was fully - fledged dog - diarrhea . . . . The second time after the dog pooped they ran out of paper towels , they didn 't have anything else . As I noted above , Ashley Judd has described her dog as a service dog . This article backs her up . But others have said that Shug is really an emotional support animal - which is a horse ( or , as here , a dog ) of a different color . The author of the New Yorker article , Patricia Marx , obtained ESA credentials for five animals . She was able to take a 15 - pound turtle into a Manhattan art museum , a Christian Louboutin shoe store , a deli , a hair salon , and a funeral home . She also went shopping for a handbag at the local Chanel boutique with a 30 - inch - long emotional support snake , boarded a bus with an emotional support turkey , and flew from Newark to Boston with a 26 - pound emotional support pig . Alpacas use a communal dung pile , where they do not graze . This behavior tends to limit the spread of internal parasites . Generally , males have much tidier , and fewer dung piles than females , which tend to stand in a line and all go at once . One female approaches the dung pile and begins to urinate and / or defecate , and the rest of the herd often follows . Because of their preference for using a dung pile , some alpacas have been successfully house - trained . If you are new to this blog , be sure to read the two oldest posts first - - my introductory post ( " What ? Who ? WHY ? " ) and the post about " She Don 't Know Why I 'm Here " by The Last - - because I saved the best for first .
|
Except not , because it 's pouring rain and sunlight will never touch my skin without sun coverings and sunscreen again . But it 's metaphorical because I spent like 5 days living like a troll on the same couch cushion , wearing half a shirt , and wincing every time the skin on my chest moved or stretched making it crack and bleed and it was a dark time . I watched The Great British Baking Show one million times over and started and have now nearly finished the kids ' 2014 - 2015 photobooks . I lost track of days and possibly wore the same pants for five of them . It was . . . not a good time for me . I 'm back ! As I mentioned last time , it turns out that I 'm super allergic to bandaids . I had to use them because the cream was making my skin ooze so much , and while I thought it was weird each night that the skin always looked worse underneath , I just assumed the terrible anal wart cream was to blame . And it was , for most of it . But it was also a raging latex allergy and I had been peeling off layers of skin at each bandaid removal . By the time I figured it out my skin was so angry and raw - hamburgery absolutely nothing could touch it without pain , including air from the AC vents in the ceiling and invisible air molecules . I felt like a small brulee torch was being held up against my chest at all times . I had to drug myself to sleep each night and left an oozy slime trail everywhere I went . I alternated between feeling pitiful and then feeling so thankful I didn 't have real cancer and chemotherapy wasn 't going straight into my veins and thinking I was being ridiculous and then having my skin crack and ooze for the millionth time and re - deciding it was okay that I thought this was awful too . a time - lapse view ; just in case I ever think of forgetting my swim burka At one point , maybe on Tuesday ? , James and I were sitting on the couch and I noticed he kept side - eyeing my wound . " It 's looking at me . . . " he whispered , " . . . and it looks hungry . " And then he told me I had to leave the house . So I finally did . I wore the only t - shirt I owned that had a deep enough v to let the wound shine - it was from Target and I 'd washed it 5 times in 6 days and I wore it to work . I figured my hamburger would distract anyone from wondering what had happened to my business casual and it did . But things are way better now ! My skin is no longer angry , I quit the chemo cream two days early ( oops , except it was absolutely on purpose because I was having to take shots of alcohol just to get up the courage to put on more the day before ) , and after 9 days off I 'm feeling very proud of my new pink skin . It 's beautiful and I 'm so glad it 's there . [ high five emoji ] Just in time for my sister and Billy to arrive with baby Skyla on Thursday afternoon ! They were here for Billy 's sister 's wedding and we got to spend Thursday night with them . First , Cora had to " hold it , the baby Skyla " a bunch of times . She was THRILLED with " it " and loves Skyla very much . We are very pro - baby in this house . On Friday the big kids had friends over after school . Landon and his friend were outside running in circles the whole time and I basically never saw them . Claire dressed her and her friend in her snazziest accessories and directed that they " march around the house like this five - no TEN - times ! " And so they did . I think they regretted their grand aspirations by loop 7 or so , but they stuck it out . We went to a party at another school friends ' house that night . As an extrovert , every minute of socializing felt like I was recharging some sad dormant internal battery . It is not good for me to be indoors for so long . This was proven by my tear - filled breakdown at the finale of The Great British Baking Show on Sunday . I was sobbing - - full on ugly crying , and when James looked at me like the crazy person I was , I choked out , " I 'm just so happy for her . . . . these people are my family and they worked so hard . " I was a goddamn mess . Today was a quick reunion before Val and Billy headed back to the airport to Denver . We ate breakfast tacos and got a grandkid picture and Cora got to " hold it , Skyla " one more time . She seriously adores that baby . Sky is tolerant , if also a little skeptical . But she still loves me best . It 's rained for the last million hours , or maybe just since last night , so things got a little stir crazy around here by mid - afternoon . At a slight break in the rain , James took the kids out for a nice long run / bike ride . It was a little muddy . Claire slid and somehow got her shoe stuck and then she had to put her muddy sock back in her muddy shoe , which she found very displeasing . She was back to happy again by the time they got home though . Her back is completely covered in mud . She was so proud . And then , just when the cabin fever was really setting in again , I remembered Tara was coming to babysit ! So we left her in the care of our hyper little darlings and headed out for happy hour sushi . The kids got a fresh body to play with and we got a sushi boat ! Everyone was winning . Sky is always winning And so , now that I 'm out of my hamburger skin / photobooking cave , I will be back here more often - important things are happening around here , like Cora 's school pictures and me catching on to the fact that Landon hasn 't been brushing his teeth ( BIG trouble ) . Also I bought really cute boots and fall might actually almost be here finally . But in the mean time , here are some dinners to keep you company : First of all , thank you for your happy responses to the swim school post . Whether I 've met you or not , you all are my family , and it was wonderful to share good news with you . We 're so thrilled the school is back up and running and as I reflected from my couch this afternoon , half - listening to James talk to parents and potential clients on the phone all day , he is SO GOOD at this . So knowledgeable and enthusiastic , it was really fun to get a window into his customer interactions . Cora started back with her lessons last night and as a picky former swim parent , I was very pleased . Cora was pleased too . If the big kids are doing it , she wants in . So in she went . Before meeting the kids at the pool for their swim class and lesson I had been sent home from work by my staff accountant who found me with my head on my desk , silently and invisibly weeping . She 'd checked on me throughout the day , noting that " usually there 's such happy high energy coming out of your office . Today . . . it 's just sad . " Sadness and oozing . On her third or fourth check - in , she brought me flowers and told me to go home . So I did , clutching my beautiful rainbow flowers with one hand and holding my shirt away from my zombie bite with the other . In questionably good news , I realized last night that I 'm allergic to latex and that 's at least 50 % of the reason this treatment has been so hellish . My bandaids were trying to kill me . It was confusing because the doctor told me the medicine would make cancerous and precancerous skin " red and oozy , " so I just thought my god , I have SO MUCH CANCER . But it turns out , I have a medium amount of cancer and a lot of latex allergy , and suddenly the fact I would pull off chunks of skin anytime I removed a bandaid AND my constant urge to itch my raw oozy skin makes a lot more sense . Making sense does not actually make it better , but thanks to a trip to Walgreens , it will at least not get worse . And I only have one more dose of cream left - - tonight is dose 20 of 20 and THANK THE LITTLE BABY JEBUS we are done because my self - medicating techniques were getting calorically and financially very expensive . James even ran out for Stir Crazy Baked Goods for me on Wednesday night without me actually asking . It was like I was pregnant again , except this time , with cancer . I took a sick day from work today . It finally occurred to me that " sick " can be " badly wounded and can 't put on a shirt , " so I 've spent the entire day in a low cut tank , half a cardigan , and my favorite summer pj pants watching episode after episode of The Great British Baking Show . Why did you all not tell me about this ? It is GLORIOUS . I love all of these people . I love their weird combinations of meats and fruits that they bake into pies and cover in nuts . I love their good old British can do attitude and cheeky cheer . I love that they always have tea . I love that the Baked Alaska challenge was the most tense and stressful thing I 've watched on television and I 've survived all existing seasons of Breaking Bad , The Walking Dead , and The Fall . I love that they all seem so normal and friendly and they want each other to do well . It soothes my soul if not my skin . It actually hurts my feelings that I didn 't know it existed until now . Does this cookie make my cancMoving on to other random news of the week . I decided Landon 's bedding was too " big kid " and I needed to seize any remaining " little boy " moments that I still can . So I stored his teen bedding plastic , to be pulled out when he is actually a teen , and bought him this bright and adorable and perfect quilt from Pottery Barn Kids . I LOVE it . I love it so much . And it actually goes better with how colorful his room ended up being . And finally - dinners ! I never posted this week 's menu , so some of this is retroactive but everything was delicious . Monday : Pasta with Tomato Cream Sauce , garlic bread 3 . Simmer and stir ( at least 10 mins ? I often let it go quite a while , adding more water if necessary , this is an inexact science ) And now it 's back to The Great British Baking Show and photo booking . I 'm 5 books behind ( ughhh ; right now I 'm doing a page on James 's birthday when he turned 33 . He will be 35 in 4 weeks . ) , but I think I just have to get going and let the addiction start up again . I do so love them when they are done , I just might need to take the next month off work to make it happen . . . You guys , the swim school has risen again from the splashes of its former self ! James has a pool and reopened for business today and I am so happy and relieved that I can 't even share his stress over the fact his registration numbers are down from this point last year . All numbers are higher than zero and he has a pool ! ! A beautiful , 8 - lane , indoor , year - round pool that is exclusively his from 3 : 30 - 8 p . m . Monday through Friday . HE HAS A POOL ! The swim school lives ! ! It 's been in the works for nearly a month , which is why I 've probably sounded less stressed and sad lately , but it 's also been sloooowly working its way through all those works for a month and after being burned twice on other pools that " had room " only to actually not , I just couldn 't announce or celebrate until it was final and it 's FINALLY final ! There are some hurdles , some ( several ) additional expenses , his margins will go down , blah blah whatever HE HAS A BUSINESS ! I 've already had a few glasses of champagne to celebrate for him since he 's too busy answering registration emails to do so on his own behalf . Remember when I would sometimes complain about the swim school ? about his evening schedule ? his endless late nights working on registrations ? the uncompromising nature of teaching private lessons and a lack of room to reschedule them for anything ever ? Well , staring down the road to a dark swim school - less future has really shifted my perspective on that . All of sudden I realized how much I loved the swim school . Obviously , I love that James loves it and that he built it from nothing and poured his heart into something he 's passionate about and incredibly good at . But I also love that it enables him to be home in the mornings . That he gets the kids off to school and can then be home for deliveries , doctor appointments , and other home - based to - do 's . I love that he never ever travels and is home with us every night and weekend . I love that all his nighttime work can all be done on the couch while sitting right up next to me . I love that he was making good money and we were killing our grad school debt and growing our long - term savings and contributing everything I wanted to the kids ' college accounts . I LOVED that he coached our own kids and that I could trust him implicitly to improve their technique and build their strength while still fostering their love of swimming . I loved that I didn 't have to take the kids to swimming or pick them up . I loved that " Coach James " was known by so many in the community aAnd because the swim school can continue on , so can Fike Swim Products ! The swim school funds all the prototypes and large order minimums for the swim products business , so the death of one meant the likely death or at least a total lack of growth for the other which . . . sucked . But no more ! Which is great because James 's sales of The Brick continue to be brisk and his ( amazing ! ) swim bag is getting great reviews . In celebration of the new swim season he made a new commercial . Given that it was made on an iPhone and Landon was the cameraman for much of it , I thought it was pretty awesome : Their programs have become a model for other organizations around the country and this past summer they reached over 1 , 000 kids and adults and got them life vests and time with instructors in the water . They 've also started a pipeline for teens who show an interest in the program - learning to swim , gaining comfort , and ultimately earning an option to obtain their lifeguard certification from the Red Cross free of charge so they have a path to a summer job at one of the city pools or local YMCA 's , continuing the cycle of saving lives through water safety and instruction . Pretty awesome . So it 's a happy day around here today ! Our beloved nanny Tara is back in our lives , we 're back on a regular after school schedule , the big kids are back in the water and Cora starts back up with her own lessons on Thursday ! Yays for everyone ! But especially James , I 'm so incredibly proud of him and all his work in and out of the pool . Cheers ! So , week 3 of school is down ! The kids are settling in - the emotional joys of schooling are no longer bottoming out into emotional pits of overwhelmed despair in the evenings when we say terrible things like " please put your shoes away " or " it 's time for dinner . " Anniversary flowers ! Hand - delivered by James and the kids On the less good side , this week was maybe not our best showing academically . It started on Thursday morning when Claire presented us with her spelling test from the week before - a test with a 40 emblazoned at the top with a lie of a smiley face sticker right next to her grade . Claire , having no idea this number was not the goal , was confused when James turned to me and said , " wait , is this out of a hundred ? ! " . I quickly realized this was really our bad . We never even looked at Claire 's spelling list . As parents of a third grader , you 'd think we knew what we were doing when it comes to elementary school homework and quizzes , but Landon is something of a unique case and so we 're actually coming from behind here and our cheerful , school - loving , optimistically overconfident Clairebear who totally thought she nailed that spelling test , paid the price . Back when Landon was in first grade we learned it was an exercise in futility and frustration for all of us to go over his spelling list . He claimed he already knew the words , we found that was pretty true , and then we were both annoyed when we felt obligated to quiz him anyway . So we made a deal - as long as you get a 100 on your tests we 'll never talk about spelling . And so for the last two years , that 's held true . He 's always gotten 100 's and we 've always ignored the existence of spelling lists . And so that has led to Claire bringing home a 40 and James saying absurd things in our kitchen like , " Wait , what 's a spelling list ? ! " and " What , they have one EVERY WEEK ? ! ! " So . We 're going to do better . Also we noticed her words for the current week had been downgraded from " worked , " " liked , " and " planted " to the more remedial " dad , " " rat , " and " bat . " Oops . Then ! After being told on Wednesday night to put his homework folder in his backpack and then many times Thursday morning to put your homework folder in your backpack , Landon skipped out the door for school on Thursday , leaving his homework folder sitting sad and alone on my beautiful kitchen counters . I had already left for work , so I learned this when James called about 8 : 10 complaining that " now I 'm headed back to school with Landon 's homework folder because he forgot it . " No . " No you are not ! " I exclaimed . Then , softening my tone as my shock wore off , I said , " we reminded him several times , this is not our failure to fix . " James , I think still reeling from our actual spelling failures , noted , " but he 'll get a violation ! " Yeah , that sounds like a Landon problem , I explained . Claire and her spelling words that she knew she could read but didn 't understand she couldn 't spell - that 's mostly on us . Landon 's million - times - reminded homework folder ? That 's on him . And so Landon brought home his first ever conduct violations - and it was actually two of them , since he left behind ( completed ! ) homework for two separate classes . What was interesting to me , besides the fact that James had actually planned to bring his folder up to school ( this was quite shocking to me ; James is generally even more into child independence and setting / demanding high expectations than even I am ) , was that it clearly never even occurred to Landon we 'd bring him his homework . He showed us his violations , explained what they were and why we had to sign , and then noted pretty matter of factly that it wouldn 't have happened if he 'd put his homework in his backpack the night before like I suggested . Woot ! At 9 years old , I still get to be right sometimes . The windows for these opportunities are narrowing . He also remembered that I suggested he pick a free homework pass when he won the good behavior drawing last week , but he picked a bouncy ball instead . I have wisdom ! Also on Thursday night , when I walked in the door from work , Claire ran up and exclaimed , " MOM ! We practiced my spelling words TWENTY TIMES ! ! " Literally nothing could be better than more parent - involved school work after school for Claire , so lucky her , she 's going to get all she needs from now on . In the meantime , Cora continues to rock her puzzle station at school and is thrilled her parents fell for the emotionally manipulative sales tactics of the Stretch N Grow ballet class . All is well in her world , particularly since we 're still giving her m & m 's delighted at how well the old 12 - 24 month unicorn costume completed the outfit I continue to get my flesh eaten by daily chemotherapy cream . I had to go shopping last weekend for more high - necked tops . This was Monday 's ensemble . You can 't even tell I might have a highly contagious skin disease . And it 's spreading . Apparently the cream spreads out to attack other previously invisible cancerous and precancerous cells . So far it 's spread to about 10x the size of the original , visible basal cell . The doctor assured me it wouldn 't affect " good " skin , but since every surface it touches turns bright red and bumpy , I 'm wondering if ( 1 ) I don 't actually have any " good " skin left ; and / or ( 2 ) I should just rub it all over my body so it can light up like a giant cancer map . Except I don 't have enough ice packs for that - I held one against my skin of fire last night while eating pad Thai with the other and wishing I had a third to hold my wine . Also last night , before I found myself on the couch with my ice pack v . Thai food v . wine dilemma , we had our school picnic ! So fun . James played 4 - square for 2 . 5 hours . Even 4 - square obsessed Landon had to tap out for a bit and go bounce in a bounce house just to mix things up . But James played , and played hard , the whole time we were there . He showed off all his 1980 's schoolyard tricks , his UT swim team 6 - square moves , and stood in line with a bunch of 4 - foot tall elementary school kids waiting his turn to play again after he got out . It was adorable . The girls toured the bounce houses and then did a lot of dancing . Cora observed for a while and then jumped in , bopping around with the rest of them . I stood under the spirit sales tent , smiling at people and keeping the other PTA ladies company while they did all the actual work . I love our school . And now I 'm off to teach barre . You wouldn 't find it off - putting if your instructor covered all of her exposed skin in band - aids right ? They 're going to go so beautifully with my rainbow pants . Thanks to the discount shopping gods , I found a dress in my closet that covered my wounds for our anniversary dinner Saturday night . Purchased at Ross for $ 12 . 99 about 4 years ago , the halter drape perfectly obscured any and all oozing . Which is good because nothing says " I bet you can 't wait to get home and get this off me " better than what looks to be a highly contagious skin condition . I could be hiding anything under here And dinner was wonderful . So crazy delicious , we started with an appetizer I still don 't understand but was called " House Made Stracciatella " with " local peaches , golden beets , local radishes and fennel pesto . " My previous experiences with stracciatella has always been the vanilla with chocolate chip gelato flavor , so we were pretty confused when our waitress so highly recommended it to start , but we always try something new when we go and her description of " it 's what goes inside burrata cheese " convinced me and OH MY GOD it was amazing . Best thing I had all night until the dessert , which is really saying something when it was followed by my favorite salad of all time and a perfectly cooked filet covered in crab , Bearnaise sauce , and asparagus . If you have a chance to add house made non - gelato stracciatella to you life , you should do it . And you should add more of the gelato kind too . Dessert was Bruléed Goat Cheesecake with bing cherries , port wine , pistachio gelato and kumquats . Zomg . I had no room left , but I managed half . They made a cheesecake with goat cheese and they bruleed it . It 's like a triple threat of my favorite things and it was extraordinary . Besides the food , the company wasn 't bad either . Fifteen years after we met and had our first date and then openly talked about getting married ( all in about two weeks ; I do wonder what our reaction would be if any of our kids did the same at 18 ) , I am still crazy head over heels nauseatingly in love with this guy . 2001 ; baby faces The morning after our hot date celebrating our eleven years of marriage , we slept in . . . waking up in stages as the soft morning light filtered in through our sky lights . Curled in each other 's arms , looking forward to a round of leisurely morning sex . . . Except , lol , no . We have children , and they never sleep in when they 're supposed to . I woke with a start at Claire 's insistent tapping on my arm at 7 : 04 a . m . while she repeated " Mom , Cora went pee pee in her bed . Mom . MOM ! " over and over , heedless of the fact I 'd had most of a bottle of champagne the night before . James , deaf to the repeated calls of " Mom , " FLEW up out of bed at the phrase " pee in her bed . " The best part was Cora actually had not peed in her crib ; she was dry , she just told Claire she was wet because she wanted to get up . She 's wily . So , since we were all up , we went to the zoo nice and early . Feeling generous , we splurged on the $ 1 carousel tickets for the first time ever and it was probably the best $ 3 we 've ever spent . Look at Cora 's face . She patted her horsey , bounced up and down , and maintained that level of excitement for all 12 revolutions . It was hilarious and exhausting just to witness . The zoo train was also deemed pretty great . So fun . I love our zoo . The kids are experts thanks to their weeks of zoo camp , Landon 's nature club meetings , and our one million visits and we get lots of inside scoop from them as we walk around . We stopped for our favorite pizza on the way home and despite the harsh wake - up call , it really was a lovely bookend to our anniversary celebration . Then I spent about an hour in the bathroom with Cora reading her books and trying to convince her to go poop in the potty . 11 years and that 's all I wanted for my anniversary . Though I can 't complain , she 's doing really well - no accidents and no pull - ups except for overnight sleeping since Friday . We went to the Zoo in Zootopia panties , which Cora found delightful and we found mildly terrifying , and when we got to the restaurant after , she politely requested the bathroom , peed on demand , and returned to our table . She immediately told our waiter she went pee pee in the potty and was getting her " n & m 's " when we got home . He accepted the news with all due gravity and congratulations . Which seems like a nice transition to the discussion of this week 's menu : Sun : Turkey tettrazini ( really good ! I doubled everything except the milk and it was perfect ) , served with crescent rolls I taught barre 3x this holiday weekend and it felt SO good ! This week I get back to my usual 2x Orangetheory , 5x yoga , and 1 - 2x barre routine , but it was fun to hit so heavy on the barre and embrace the shake for a few days . But after 4 days without yoga - my longest gap since February - I am deeply missing it and am excited to return tomorrow . Less excited to return to the office after - holidays off are just the best , but I have some new and fun cases right now , so I can 't really complain about that either . May you all have a short and wonderful week ahead ! Written by " Lag liv , " imperfectly translated , means " law life " in Swedish . I 'm half Swedish and I was in law school back when I wrote my first post in 2006 , so Lag Liv I became and Lag Liv I still am ! Now I 'm a full - time attorney , part - time barre teacher , and all - the - time wife and mom of three . We live a busy life in charming Fort Worth , Texas . You can read more about me and my cast of characters in the About Me and My Blog page . Happy reading and if you 'd like to contact me , my email is lagliv [ at ] gmail [ dot ] com . So ! As I mentioned many posts ago , we are headed to Disney World in November ! I never really planned to go - I love a good roller coaster , bu . . .
|
First , just a bit of background . My wife works at two hospitals , Stone County Hospital and Mills County Medical Center . She was hired primarily to work at Mills , but because there were three people doing a job that could ( theoretically ) be done by two , that meant that she had some hours to make up working at Stone . Also , when I refer to " hours " that 's not " hours worked " but rather " coverage hours " which means hours that the service is taking in patients . So if she is working 16 hours for patients that come in within a 12 hour span , she gets 12 hours . Also , she is expected to take phone consultation call on the evenings of the days that she works , so if she 's working 12 hours , she also has another 12 of phone consultation ( or 14 if the shift is 10 ) . One of the three doctors at Mills County Medical Center resigned , which left Clancy and one colleague having to do the entire job . This is possible , but it also leaves no room for somebody getting sick or going on vacation . The problem for Clancy was that in addition to her duties at Mills , they were still giving her hours at Stone . This was in addition to the above - mentioned phone consultation and one night a week of full call ( where she is expected to go in ) . So Clancy asked the person responsible for scheduling if she really needed to be working those hours at Stone . In response , she got a really terse , somewhat condescending letter from a higher up outlining what he thought the hours were . She was expected to work 144 hours per four - week period ( that 's 36 hours a week , the remaining four being sick / vacation / holiday ) , and she had 12 shifts of 8 hours at Mills and so needed to work three shifts of 12 hours at Stone to make 144 . He went on to explain about how people who want their job have to work a minimum number of hours yadda yadda . The problem was that his math was wrong . The shifts at Mills were 10 hours instead of 8 and there were 14 of them instead of 12 . And on top of that , they were giving her four days at Stone rather than three . The result was 140 hours at Mills , plus another 48 at Stone , for a total of 188 hours that wasn 't including phone consultation or on - call . The latter of which being a particular sticking point because most doctors don 't have to do it because they can 't deliver babies . They did a whole thing of " Do you really want to be the kind of employee who is sitting there counting hours ? " but at the end of the day her argument was pretty bulletproof . So they stopped scheduling her at Stone . However , to " make up for it " they expanded the coverage hours at Mills from 10 to 12 . That meant that she was back at 168 hours , plus phone consultation plus obstetrical call with no vacation , sick time , or holidays . Clancy agreed to it because she mostly just wanted to ( a ) stop working at Stone and ( b ) stop having 10 day work stretches . Unfortunately , it simply proved to be too much for her . She got several consecutive weeks of above - average patient loads . On top of all that , her employer worked out something with another service that Clancy and her colleague would start taking some of their patients , too . Clancy has never been the fastest worker , and she just got overwhelmed with it . Last month we racked up $ 850 a month in hotel expenses because she would work until she was too tired to drive . Attempts on her part to streamline her efficiency were thwarted by the constant level of reaction that she was in . Being away from her daughter and living in hotels ate away at her , and she was still getting yelled at by her superiors for not having her paperwork done in a timely manner . So this week , she submitted her resignation . Her contract is up for renewal in June and she will stay on until then . We 're not sure what comes after this . We probably won 't be relocating for a new job immediately . She will likely do some temp work to keep us afloat and work on trying to become more efficient at her next job , to work smarter instead of so long and so hard . And beyond that , to take the time to find the right job , instead of doing what we 've been doing , which is kind of falling into the jobs she 's taken . It is unlikely we will be staying in the area for more than a year or two . I 'm going to miss some of the conveniences of living so close to the city , and I 'm really going to miss this house . But fortunately we won 't have to uproot in the immediate future . Photo by D . L . One of my New Years resolutions was tending to my health . Most particularly the vaping , the weight , and soft drink consumption . These are all interrelated . The vaping is not a health problem in itself ( I believe ) , but it coincides with my soft drink consumption because I do them both together , and with weight insofar as vaping provides relief to overeating . This post is about the weight thing . I had tried to vaguely " eat less " and eat more of the high - fiber cereal in the morning , but it really wasn 't working . What I decided instead was simply to start counting calories and see where I stood . I never got an accurate measure , however , due to the Hawthorn Effect . Once I knew it was being counted , I modified my behavior almost immediately . According to the calculator I basically need to stay under 2500 calories a day , but every day but one ( out of ten or so ) I 've come in under 2000 . Despite the fact that my rules explicitly state I can eat whatever I want . What I 've learned most immediately is when I was mindlessly eating . Like I 'd get a piece of cheese of Lain and then I 'd get one for myself since I was right there . I also managed to , without much effort , figure out where I could scale back when preparing a sandwich for example . I also found out which foods are good at filling me up without taking up much in the way of calories . That last one could backfire because eggs are one of the good filler foods , but progress is progress . What I find most noteworthy about this is how consistent I 've been . In all but a couple of days , I 've eaten between 1800 and 1900 calories . That 's a pretty range , made more interesting by the fact that I had no target in that range . To the extent that I had a goal , it was going to be 2500 . Now I am for below 2000 - but no rules - and I not getting all the way up to 1990 or anything . My body apparently needs 1800 - 1900 to function and to stave off hunger . Experts say that even total C - section rates - which include cesareans for all births , not just the low - risk ones we focused on - should rarely be high . " Once cesarean rates get well above the 20s and into the 30s , there 's probably a lot of non - medically indicated cesareans being done , " says Aaron B . Caughey , M . D . , chair of the Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology at Oregon Health & Science University School of Medicine in Portland and a lead author of the new ACOG / SMFM recommendations . " That 's not good medicine , " he says . Photo by koadmunkee Most people know that hospitals and obstetricians have incentives towards c - sections , but it 's hard to fully appreciate just how many incentives there are unless you see it at work ( or , like me , hear regular testimony ) . The fact that the hospitals get more money is only a part of the equation . The time physicians get back isn 't just for playing golf . When Clancy was in Arapaho , she was regularly faced with one of two options . She could hover over a mother all night , extracting all sorts of costly resources from the hospital along the way . She would be staying there , not seeing her daughter or her husband and not getting much goodsleep . She wouldn 't be generating any other revenue while there because she has to be on stand - by . If she delivered the baby before 6am , she would then finish her paperwork , get maybe an hour of rest , and spend the next day seeing clinic patients . If it is after 6am , then she gets the morning off . Which allows her to get some sleep , but forces patients to reschedule and means less revenue for the hospital / clinic . Alternately , she could reach for the scalpel at 8pm be done with everything before 9 , come home , get rest , see all of her patients the next day . And , if she cares , make more money for the hospital and possibly herself ( through bonus structures ) or at least have better efficiency numbers when it came time for the performance review . But while people know about that aspect of it , and probably know that a lot of women pressure their obstetricians for c - sections , that 's really only a part of the equation . The other part involves decisions that the OB makes well prior to the c - section decision . Intervention begets intervention . If a woman gets an appointment for induced labor , a future c - section becomes more likely . If she gets an epidural , a c - section becomes more likely . If labor is sped along through other interventions , c - sections become more likely . Why ? Well , as best as I can figure , the more that a hospital intervenes , the less control the body has over the process . So even if two physicians have the exact same philosophy towards c - sections specifically , their philosophy on earlier interventions may lead to different c - section rates . And a woman 's chances of getting a c - section may depend not just on the obstetrician or the hospital , but the specific anesthesiologist on duty and how aggressive their philosophy is . In the map on Kristin 's article , you notice that a lot of rural states have lower c - section rates . That 's at least part of why . Clancy 's employer in Arapaho didn 't even offer epidurals . The less resources , the less earlier intervention . The less earlier intervention , the less likely a c - section is to become necessary in the first place . My wife 's c - section rate isn 't just low because she views it as the Option of Last Resort , but because she 's not an interventionist generally ( in obstetrics and elsewhere ) . So it 's not just a question of whether a c - section is medically necessary , but also whether it becomes medically necessary along the way . Both of these things are going to depend on a lot of things like obstetrician philosophy , hospital policy , resources , other personnel , and ( as important as anything else ) patient philosophy . Whether they want an epidural has a cultural context , and that 's going to vary from place to place . Whether a woman will be the only person she knows that had a c - section , or whether she 's been told that 's the way to go . Whether she lives in a place where people read Mother Jones , or Newsweek . Right now we live in a culture where , in addition to all sorts of other incentives , c - sections are normal and giving birth on hands and knees or underwater is considered weird and unnatural . Because intervention begets intervention ( both psychologically and medically ) , and our health care system is an interventionist one from top to bottom , I am skeptical that we 're going to see change any time soon . Category : Hospital You Deserve This Feb 12 , 2017 trumwill Well , if you 've been reading along , I think you 've figured out what the real message of this Audi advertisement is , but just in case you 've been napping I will spell it out for you : Money and breeding always beat poor white trash . Those other kids in the race , from the overweight boys to the hick who actually had an American flag helmet to the stripper - glitter girl ? They never had a chance . They 're losers and they always will be , just like their loser parents . Audi is the choice of the winners in today 's economy , the smooth talkers who say all the right things in all the right meetings and are promoted up the chain because they are tall ( yes , that makes a difference ) and handsome without being overly masculine or threatening - looking . At the end of this race , it 's left to the Morlocks to clean the place up and pack the derby cars into their trashy pickup trucks , while the beautiful people stride off into the California sun , the natural and carefree winners of life 's lottery . Audi is explicitly suggesting that choosing their product will identify you as one of the chosen few . I find it personally offensive . As an owner of one of the first 2009 - model - year Audi S5s to set tire on American soil , yet also as an ugly , ill - favored child who endured a scrappy Midwestern upbringing , I find it much easier to identify with the angry - faced fat kids in their home - built specials or the boy with the Captain America helmet . While some dismissed this characterization , I thought it was rather spot - on . If this were a Chevy or a Nissan ad , I might think that some of the characterizations are happenstance , but this is an Audi ad . That means class is not incidental , but rather core , to the product . So we can likely assume anything involving class in the ad is likely intentional . And in this case , it did so in a rather politically skewed direction . This ad was clearly conceived when it looked like Hillary Clinton was going to be the first female president . And in the run - up to the ad , Audi did a publicity blitz about its commitment to gender equality ( hehe , hehe ) . It was aimed squarely at a particular segment of its clientele . But before we get too much into that , let 's talk about wine and cheese . For a few months , my Twitter feed contained this ad : There is some really intense social and class signaling going on in that ad . I mean , let 's count the ways : Name - checking the most exclusive university in the country , science ! , whiteboard with code , Apple computer , elegant geek girl . It really has it all and it just screams New White Collar through and through . Which , if they 're selling a cultural service like wine , is a pretty good pitch ! They know their likely audience . Being close to that audience myself , I actually think it 's pretty well done . Maybe a bit overkill , but I only have one foot in that pond . Now , the Audi ad goes for a slightly different set . Older and wealthier . More likely for their to be a family involved . As the article says , the protagonist isn 't the girl so much as the dad . The dad with the girl to be proud of . The dad who is on the Right Side of History . The dad who doesn 't need an Audi to be good , but is good and Audi is good and let 's get together . The characterization of The Other is probably a necessary component to that because goodness needs something to be compared to . Something a little grubby and unclean . The ad , as a whole , makes its pitch by equating vanity for virtue . It 's not toxic to conservatives , but to the extent that it appeals to conservative it 's going to be the squishes , the # NeverTrump sort , and those whose sensibilities align with left at least in terms of cultural cues . Now , lest anybody think I am wanting to pick on one side , it 's not hard to come up with an idea of something similar aimed at conservatives would look like . Even if we 're looking an ad seeking to confuse vanity and virtue - or is it vulgarity and virtue - for the well - to - do right . We don 't even need to leave the auto market . Or the luxury auto market . Or the Superbowl . A visceral yell . A combination of individualism and group ( patriotic so it 's okay ) achievement . My accomplishments are mine , your accomplishments are ours . It speaks to some less savory impulses in the same way the Audi ad does . Get this because you 've earned it . Hard work ! While the Audi focuses on a degree of innate you - are - evolved goodness , this one focuses on work and achievement . Which sounds good , if you kind of glide past the part where his achievements are his and others ' achievements are ours . But go America ! This struck a positive chord with the people it was meant to , and a negative chord for others . But just as you know the dad in the Audi ad didn 't vote for Trump , you 're pretty sure this guy did . This guy is , more or less , what I think of when I pass by the house of the guy that had the Trump flag in his yard . Really nice house . Obviously , the person was well off . Given that they put a flag in their yard , along with a Gadsden , suggests that he probably supported Trump throughout . That house has ( surprise surprise ) a full - size pickup in the driveway . Which is kind of on the opposite end of the spectrum as the electric car this guy is pitching . Which is actually sort of the point . If the Audi ad is telling a well - to - do liberal that it 's okay to have a car that only rich people can afford because you 're good , this ad was telling future Trumpers that it 's okay to have an electric car because it indicates hard work and you work hard because you 're an American . I didn 't know this media personality in Sangamon 's major media market went to my middle school . He did a feature for Good Morning Sangamon about going back to Rotterdam Middle School where he remembers being a sports legend but everybody there remembers something different . I had never heard of the guy , but it was an interesting outside look at my middle school . He did fly down to film the segment ( or maybe he was in town anyway ) . It was obviously meant to be comedic , but I liked seeing my middle school in a TV segment , including pictures of him in the same football uniform I wore ! It was a little weird , though , in that it felt like a fictionalized version of the school . Other than the aforementioned uniform , almost nothing looked familiar . I did recognize one coach , but that was about it . He was talking about " the principal who had been there 20 years " and it was somebody I 'd never heard of . There was Principal Warfield , who was there before I was . He was followed by Principal Snidely , who left my seventh great year to be replaced by Ms McDonald whom I don 't remember as particularly impressive but apparently impressed somebody because she was the Superintendent of the entire district by the time I graduated from college and now has a school named after her . Then Warfield came back shortly after I left when Mossman got promoted en route to fame and fortune . Who was this person they were interviewing ? ! I had originally thought that they might have taken some liberties or something , then I realized " Holy crap , I 'm old . " As in , someone could have been there for 20 years and would still be " after my time . " Indeed , the only teacher / coach I recognized was new my eighth grade year . I remember him as seeming old at the time , but that probably meant he was 25 or something . ( Tangential , but another teacher / coach friended my brother on Facebook and it turned out that he was in his twenties despite my remembering him as old . My friend Clint and I went back and visited the middle school towards the end of our junior year in college . It was … pretty anti - climactic . I thanked the first teacher I ever had that flunked me , which turned out to be a really good thing and turned my academic career around ( I got a lot of just - passing grades in elementary school that I am pretty sure were sympathy grades ) . We had always planned to do an open house at the elementary school one of those years , but they actually discontinued it at some point and so we couldn 't . And since our schools are bunkers now , you can 't just stop by without people assuming you 're some pedo creep or something . My elementary school isn 't my elementary school anymore . We were re - routed somewhere else . My high school isn 't my high school for the same reason , and also it doesn 't exist because they demolished and rebuilt it . My middle school , though , remains my middle school . Even if they replaced all of the cast . Photo by an - e I am not one of those people that upgrade my computers and electronics at every opportunity . I tend to buy something and then use it until it becomes useless to me , either because it 's just that outdated or it breaks down . Just yesterday , I was using a ten year old computer . I can 't use it for much , but I set it up for my mother - in - law during her visit to check her email and yesterday it happened to be out when I wanted to check Twitter . That it can do . This creates something of an electronic papal death watch , though , as I wait for certain things to die so that I can replace them . Sometimes I watch with excitement , though usually if it 's that bad it falls into the category of electronics to be replaced . So usually , it 's a pain . But at least when it 's dead , it 's dead . The worst is when a computer or device just lingers . It mostly works , except when it doesn 't , but it fails to work enough that it ceases to be useful in primary duty . So it needs to be demoted , if not replaced . Unless it starts working again . I 've had two such instances occur over the last couple of months . The first was my computer , which worked fine most of the time but five or ten seconds every two or three minutes when there would be some issue with hard drive data swapping . Which was not a big deal , except that I couldn 't use it for audio or video . Next to it is another computer that 's fine most of the time , except that it randomly reboots . The third computer at the console is from 2008 and is reaching the end of its lifecycle . This meant that , with the problems of the first machine most recently cropping up , I lost my only primary duty machine downstairs . So it was time to buy a new computer ( put randomly reclycling computer on tertiary duty , and retire the oldest ) . Kind of a bummer since , but for the aforementioned problem , I was satisfied with what I had . But I started getting the parts in my online shopping cart . I was starting to get excited about finally having a new computer for the first time in five years . And then … suddenly the stuff started working again . I was doing some diagnostic stuff that I assumed would be fruitless . I don 't even know what fixed it . The diagnostic software couldn 't even find a problem with it . But when it was done , the problem was gone . Photo by greenoid Then the same thing happened with the smartphone . I 'll spare you most of the details , but basically the battery life just collapsed to 2 - 3 hours . Worse , the battery monitor stopped working , so any time the battery was at less than 40 % I had to worry about it going out at any minute . Further , it was chewing through batteries really quickly . I tried switching to my backup phone , but it kept trying to go into international roaming mode . So I went around shopping and finally decided on a brand and model to buy , was getting excited , and then as I was explaining the problem with the backup phone to my friend ( who used to work with Verizon ) the international roaming mode mysteriously went away . Meanwhile , the phone with the battery problems was fine as a backup ( and as a backup was demonstrating much better battery life . In a conversation at the Southern Tech football forum , conversations about high school came up , which reminded me somewhat of of an odd thing that 's not so odd . It turned out , people who didn 't know each other had gone to the same high school . There are roughly 150 public high schools in the greater Colosse area , and a lot of people who went to Southern Tech weren 't from Colosse to begin with , and others went to private school . Yet , as it happens , when people who are generally from Colosse get together and start chatting , the same high schools keep coming up . Very few from Colosse Consolidated School District . Most from the suburbs . And even then , most from the " right " suburbs . I went to Mayne High School , which is very well regarded and thoroughly upper middle class or lower upper class . Next door to us is Southfield High School , which is about the same size and is a little more economically mixed . Some of you know of Vikram Bath and others remember him by his previous name . He and I had never met until we ran across one another in blogs . And lo and behold , we went to the same high school ( at the same time , it turned out , with a few friends in common ) . This happens with Mayne High School . Before I asked , I half - expected that we might have gone to the same high school . I almost never run across anyone from Southfield out in the wild . And even high schools that I have very limited contact with , on the other side of the city , I meet people who went there . I 'm sure it comes down to economics and class . The places I am likely to run into people are going to filter through whether or not they went to college or not , and Southfield kids go to college with less frequency . The same applies to the other high schools that come to mind , most of which are upper crest . Most of which located near their own Southfield , where I far less frequently run into someone I know . Somewhat relatedly , a decade ago they closed one of my middle school 's rival middle schools . Sort of . What they did was built a nice fresh new school a few miles over . They then didn 't invite any of the kids that went to the old school to go to the new school . By sheer coincidence , the new school was places do that it would mostly draw affluent kids from nearby schools , thereby giving the kids who went to old school space at some other old school . My school district really was ruthless when it came to such things . This is going to be the subject of another post , but they 're in the process of demolishing Mayne High School and rebuilding it . Same spot , same kids going there . The district recently expanded to add two new high schools , and it just wouldn 't do for Mayne - the wealthiest - to have the second oldest facilities . I noticed a few days ago that the remote to the TV went missing . Also missing , was one of the PC remotes for the TV PC . It 's not uncommon for things to go missing in the somewhat messy living room , but I was surprised when after I cleaned the room up both were still missing . I have another PC remote , so that wasn 't a big deal . The regular TV remote , though , that stung . especially since I was planning to subscribe to Netflix and wanted to use some of the features of the Smart TV . I do have a couple apps on my phone , but they 're kind of a pain for anything involved . Which using the Smart TV is . Knowing that one can never have too many remotes , I went ahead and ordered one from Samsung . It was set to arrive on MLK Day because Amazon doesn 't give a crap what days the Postal Service considers holidays it just wants them to get it done . Unfortunately , whoever delivers on off - days won 't deliver to our house , meaning that it was stranded at the post office . I made due with the app on my phone . But I did resolve to get the living room in working order . And so I did . While vacuuming the sofa , I discovered there was a hole in the lining somewhere . And at the bottom I felt a couple lumpy things that felt an awful lot like remote controls . The sofa had really eaten them . I ended up putting the sofa on its side , which Lain thought was the coolest thing ever . Photo by cvander For the first time in a long time , I am a Netflix customer . I did the Netflix thing for a year or so ( ? ) when we lived in Estacado , but then we hit a financial rough patch and things had to be cut and Netflix was one of them . It was not an amicable separation as they made the claim that I hadn 't returned DVDs I had returned , and then charged me $ 30 a piece . ( I could have purchased them on Amazon for less than half that . ) I mostly got it because their children 's programming is supposed to be pretty good . I haven 't poked around too much , but it … doesn 't seem bad , at least . So maybe we 'll have it for a while and then we won 't . Lain has learned to load up and watch videos on the tablet , which is a mixed blessing . The idea of Netflix occurred to me when we were watching an Amazon Prime video on phonics . YouTube also has a good app for kids . Despite the above - mentioned bad experience , I am genuinely impressed by Netflix the corporation . One thing in particular jumps out at me , which is that they pivoted really quickly to streaming video and did so before they had to . A lot of the time when a company gets the sort of market position that Netflix does , the tendency is to sit on it until someone innovates around you . In this case , they made the determination pretty early that streaming was the future and basically retired their own business model . ( 1 ) But part of the disastrous campaign for the Lib Dems was the fact that its leader was constantly interrogated for his religious beliefs , beliefs that had little to do with his public leadership . Farron had a long record of supporting gay rights and access to abortion . But the media wanted to know whether he thought they were sins . Farron would get on television wanting to talk up a second referendum to be held upon the results of Brexit negotiations . His media inquisitors wanted to talk about personal morality . Guardian columnist Rafael Behr explains that Farron 's " problem was that the culture of contemporary liberalism is avowedly secular . " That tells part of the story . The entire elite culture and much of the popular culture is secular in a quite specific way . It is not a secularism that encourages public neutrality while maintaining a generous social pluralism . It 's a secularism that demands the humiliation of religion , specifically Christianity . And in Britain it has a decidedly classist flavor , one that holds it impossible for an Evangelical like Farron - one of those people - to represent the better sort of person . As I previously noted , ideological bias can influence research and most academics , especially in the social sciences and humanities , are on the political left . This leads to groupthink and reduces the amount of scrutiny certain research receives and the debate it inspires . And it can bias every step of the research process . It can influence the choice of research questions , the way scales or questionnaires are worded , the specific outcomes measured , the decision to publish or not publish results , the amount of criticism the research receives in the peer - review process , the topics of selected research symposia at conferences , what projects receive grant funding , and so on . Viewpoint diversity helps because we rely on peers to challenge us , to debate our ideas and point out the biases and flaws in our research . In research that does not touch on social or political issues , we often see considerable debate , people offering alternative hypotheses or questioning particulars of the research design and statistical tests . This always improves the quality of the work and helps us get closer to the objective truth . But people seem to go a little or a lot easier on research that touches on sensitive social or political topics , or supports leftist ideology . I have seen this firsthand . I have been at talks where people present very poorly conducted research related to ideas that failed to replicate or were never well - supported to begin with and watched as hardly anyone in the audience offered even the slightest challenge . It is very strange to see well - trained scientists so blatantly ignore fundamental research flaws because they find the conclusion ideologically affirming . This is precisely why we need to make our methods more rigorous , fight for an academic culture that challenges groupthink and prioritizes the pursuit of truth over tribal loyalty , and encourage diversity of thought . A lot of bias discussion center around whether it 's fair to conservatives or not . This is , ultimately , beside the point . Conservatives have done a lot to themselves to damage their standing . But even if they have , and even if we argue that they deserve to be frozen out , it doesn 't follow that it 's good for the institution that is doing the freezing . Recent CommentsJames K on Dougherty : Tim Farron 's Resignation & Liberal ChristianityNew Zealand is more secular then the U . K . , but it manifests differently here . The gen … KenB on A Bipartisan Consensus In Favor of a Less Conventionally Attractive AmazoniansThis issue will work itself out in a few years , once we 've all been re - engineered to … Oscar Gordon on A Bipartisan Consensus In Favor of a Less Conventionally Attractive AmazoniansThis too . An ancient society of Greek women , locked away from the rest of the world , … James K on A Bipartisan Consensus In Favor of a Less Conventionally Attractive AmazoniansOK , the " women of colour " thing is really bugging me . Amazons are Greek , they are the … mike shupp on A Bipartisan Consensus In Favor of a Less Conventionally Attractive AmazoniansMemory says the Amazons were noted for hacking off a breast so it would not be in the … Oscar Gordon on A Bipartisan Consensus In Favor of a Less Conventionally Attractive AmazoniansAnother person who obviously was not familiar with the source material , and DID NOT A … gregiank on A Bipartisan Consensus In Favor of a Less Conventionally Attractive AmazoniansIndeed why aren 't superhero movies more grounded in reality . I wish lord of the rings … Jaybird on A Bipartisan Consensus In Favor of a Less Conventionally Attractive AmazoniansWhen Mass Effect : Andromeda came out and had a handful of issues with its animations , … Recent Posts Dougherty : Tim Farron 's Resignation & Liberal Christianity
|
Why has this been stressing me you might ask ? Because in order to send out the invites for our Open House ( on the 19th ! And you know you need a two week window on invites - even if you 've already told everyone to save the date ! ) I needed to have the Christmas cards done - so that I can send them out at the same time ( do you know how much postage costs these days ? ? ? ? And I have long lists ! ) . I have been struggling with the guys over this all weekend . Tried to do it on Friday ; they refused to cooperate . Tried to do it on Sunday - they had previous plans ( which , to be fair , I had forgotten about ) . So today , finally ! ! It is done . I 've picked out the picture to use , I 've created the card and the invite , but ( dammit ) I 've left the list at work ! So first thing tomorrow - I will order the cards ( both sets ) to be delivered asap ! ( Be damned the cost at this point ) ( Who says work is for work ? Hell , I 've worked on my mother - in - law 's photo book all afternoon ! ! ! Ssshh ! Don 't tell ! Hey company - that 's what happens when you can 't keep me busy with other stuff ; like , you know , work ! ) I have waffled over posting this . I don 't want to be judged - or to be thought crazy ( I am crazy ; but in a rational way - I promise ! ) . But in the end , I 've decided it 's a Public Service Announcement . Because you need to know this stuff - in the event you ever need it . Just call me Smoky Bear ( fyi - he doesn 't like to be called Smoky THE Bear ) - doing what I do all for your edification ! Once upon a time , long , long , ago . Hubby 's daughter was living with us . It was a freaking nightmare ( for me at least - had I known about blogging ; maybe things would have been different - I could have gotten A LOT off my chest ) . I was seeing reality ; Hubby was looking at life through rose - colored glasses because finally , he had his child under his roof and she could do no wrong . Step - daugher ? Doing pretty much whatever she wanted because she knew she had daddy wrapped around her little finger . It was pure hell . One day , Hubby suggested that maybe I needed to be on medication . I scoffed at him . I berated him . What kind of idiot was he ? He was insane ! The doctor ( actually Nurse - Practicioner - whom I love ) ; asked me about stresses in my life . The whole story came pouring out along with tears . Because yes , I was stressed beyond belief . Now here we are . Probably about 4 - 5 years later . Not once have I been asked - Are your stresses gone ( yes , they are . Thank you very much . Step - daughter and I get along famously now that she has grown up and learned to accept responsibility , learned how to be a grown up , pay her own way AND gotten rid of drug - lord boyfriend - it took a VERY long time for Hubby to see these things ) . The stuff I 've read about this drug is freaking SCARY ! ! REALLY , REALLY SCARY ! And the stuff I 've read about trying to get off it - EVEN MORE SO ! But Hubby ? In all his " infinite wisdom " said ( after I mentioned I was weaning ) " you really shouldn 't do that . " WHY ? I YOU are the one that got me into this freaking mess to begin with ! At this point in the game ; YOU have nothing to say about any of this except ; THANK YOU FOR STILL BEING MARRIED TO MY STUBBORN , BLIND ASS ! ( Besides there is the fact that you might totally benefit since one of the side affects is a lack of " desire " ) . After the week was up ; I called the nurse - practicioner and asked for a weaker dose and explained that I wanted to get off this stuff . She agreed and called in a prescription . She told me to take the weaker dose every day for ten days ; then every other day for ten days and then just stop . I 've been doing okay - the pinging and fuzziness has mostly been confined to the morning after the missed dose ( course , I 've only been doing this for a couple of days ) . But tonight I am noticing the pinging and fuzziness and I 'm due to take a dose tomorrow . It 's not as bad as has been described on some websites ; but it is disconcerting ; I can 't imagine how horrible it would be if I had been on a higher dosage . It 's weird ; because I 'll be going along with everything fine and then all of a sudden - my brain just " jolts ! " It doesn 't hurt - but . . . . as I said , it 's disconcerting . But with everything I 've read - at least I 'm prepared and know what 's going on ; otherwise I 'd just think I was going crazy ! But I have also noticed that my energy level is WAY up . Yay ! For the longest time , I figured it was just a matter of me getting older - it 's NOT . It 's the drug . It has been sapping all of my natural energy . I 've also noticed I 'm not as forgetful - which again I was attributing to my : : ahem : : advancing age . I 've also noticed that all those " little " things that didn 't bother me before ( but used to ) is also returning ( hmmm , Hubby and Man - Child may not like that part . . . . ) So yeah ? While I totally advocate talking to your doctor ( or nurse practioner or therapist or whoever ) when you are stressed . TOTALLY RESEARCH THE MEDS PRESCRIBED BEFORE TAKING THEM . 1 . That this weekend has been extremely unseasonable - which enabled me to get my part of the outside decorations done ( usually I 'm out there in the cold , cursing and trying to figure out the plugs on the little Christmas trees that line the walk . This time I was able to do it at a leisurely pace ! ) ( Hubby has resisted all attempts to get him to put up the lights - he 'll regret it when it 's cold and he 's out there while I sit inside , secure in the knowledge that I 've already done my part ! I 'll try not to be smug about it - yeah , right ! ) 7 . That my neighbor keeps his yard in order ( but REALLY ? ? ? I think he has OCD about it or something . He was mowing in on Thanksgiving ( Thursday ) and has been out there again on his mower today - blowing his leaves toward the woods and is now using his leaf blower to make sure every last leaf is off his lawn ! ) 8 . That my computer screen is fixed ! ! 9 . That my guys are going out tonight and I will have some much needed quiet time ( if neighbor guy EVER finishes his lawn ) . We discussed it today ( after I asked him where it was in hopes of hiding it from him ) . He informed me that I should be begging him to read it - to make him appreciate even more what he has . To appreciate that he has the parents that he does . My house is clean ( kind of ) . My little Christmas trees are lining my walkway ( thank goodness it was a beautiful day - I HATE to do this when it 's cold ) . My car is filled . The clutter is gone ( kind of ) . Laundry still awaits ( ick ! ) though . I definitely need more 4 day weekends ! I could get soooooo much done ! But the most productive part ? Lunch with Man - Child . Today we discussed his education ( at his instigation ; thank you very much ) . He informed me of his " plan " for his junior and senior year in high school . Needless to say , I was very impressed ( and extremely thankful that I am not in school anymore ! ) . My child has not been a very studious student ( to say the least ) in recent preceding years . I 've tried everything to get him more interested in studying ( begging , pleading , bribing . . . you name it . ) and getting the best grades he could get . He never took the bait . Although I know that he is bright and could " get " any subject if he would just apply himself just an inch . ( I 'm actually convinced he took a dive on the AL test in third grade on purpose . . . . ) . Example : he is currently averaging a C + in Spanish ( if you knew his previous grades in this class you would be on your feet cheering ! ) . But he is agonizing over it . He is just a few points from a B . And you would think the fate of the world hinges upon him making that C + into a B . EVERY day this weekend he has asked me to log on to the student performance website to see if his teacher has posted their most recent grades . I 've tried telling him that his teachers are on vacation too and not thinking about school . . . . to no avail . Every conversation about his school revolves around what colleges might be looking for . . . and he 's only a sophomore . He is considering taking LATIN next year ! Why ? Because it will help on his SAT scores and because if he has TWO languages it might be more enticing to certain colleges . Really ? ? ? LATIN ? ! ? ! ? I 've mentioned how hard Latin is ; he doesn 't care . I 've mentioned that taking really hard courses doesn 't matter to said colleges if you can 't make the grades . He is confident that he can make the grades . ( And I KNOW he can if he applies himself - but the past few years makes me wonder . He 's never LIKED to apply himself ) . I have told him over and over again about a certain friend of mine 's daughter in recent years ( in hopes to get him to apply himself ) . And how she continually set herself up to fail . And how she was repeatedly rejected by colleges because she never applied herself in high school - and was finally accepted to a private college ( which of course has set her mother up to fail because she can 't afford it . . . . another story entirely ) . Maybe this has finally sunk in ? I don 't know . WHATEVER ! I 'm happy . Man - Child is finally looking to the future and making plans . While this makes me very happy ; it also makes me very sad . My baby is making plans to leave the nest ! I know that this means I have done my job as a mother . But still . . . my boy is stretching his wings and learning to fly . Away from me ? I 'm not quite ready for him to go . Yes , I still have a few years ( maybe more if he decides to go to college somewhere close . . . ) but - judging from how fast the last few years have flown . . . . it won 't be too many more before he is gone . Currently our lives pretty much revolve around Man - Child ( how could it not ? ) . Once he 's gone . . . . there will be a HUGE void . How will we fill it ? The house will be EXTREMELY quiet . ALL THE TIME ! I woke up early this morning ; for whatever reason . Maybe I was expecting the hammers to start up again . I don 't know . Curious , they never did show up today - maybe they mistook Hubby telling them to go home yesterday to mean they didn 't have to come back . : : sigh : : we 'll see what happens tomorrow . Man - Child also woke early ; which is an EVENT now that he 's a teenager ( although as a baby we couldn 't pay him to sleep ! ) . I know I mentioned that I wouldn 't be rolling out of bed early for the Black Friday craziness . And I didn 't . But for whatever reason ( I think DRIVING was the main reason ) Man - Child wanted to be out and about today . And as I did have a few errands and things I wanted to procure ; I agreed . OH . MY . HELL ! ! ! In the name of all that is holy DO NOT let your child drive on the craziest shopping day of the year ! WHAT WAS I THINKING ? ? ? ? We nearly DIED wrecked three times ! The boy definitely needs to work on using his mirrors and watching what the person across the intersection might be doing ! In fact , one man was SO angry - that even after I mouthed " I 'm sorry ! ! ! " and gave the friendly wave - still continued to give us the death glare at what had to be the longest light ever ! ! Honestly . . . . he could see that Man - Child was a young driver ; he could have cut us some slack ! ( Although I must admit at this horribly gross misstep error ; I had my face in my lap and my hands over my head because I knew we were going to die wreck . ) I think tomorrow I will put a sign in the back window that reads : YOUNG DRIVER . BEWARE ! We braved a few of the Black Friday crowds . We didn 't buy much - mainly because the deals weren 't great enough to deal with the lines ! ! People are crazy - I did not see one thing that was worth standing in line for an hour for ; although Man - Child was able to buy me a gift ( yes I know what it is ; ' cause I orchestrated the whole thing ) and was in and out in no time . I also managed to score two fabulous cashmere scarves for a song at a sweet , little boutique I know . One of the errands including having my computer fixed by the folks who should not be allowed to deal with the public EVER . Believe me I was all set to blast these guys out of the water on the blogosphere . After all is said and done I won 't - BUT you can believe I will never step foot in their establishment again . They were supposed to call and let me know when the part came in . They didn 't . I finally just showed up with the laptop and asked . They were all - Oh let me check . Come on guys - this isn 't Best Buy you should know whether or not it came in . Apparently , it had . So I left my precious computer . They had said it would only take a couple of hours and they would call when it was ready . I left it at 1 : 00 pm . I called at 5 : 00 pm and was informed that it should be ready soon . I called again at 6 : 15 - it still wasn 't ready , but they expected that it would be ready soon . I reminded the moron guy that they closed at 7 : 00 and wondered if it would be ready for pick up by then . He expected that it would . Finally , around 6 : 30 ( or a bit after ) they called to say it was ready . Guess what ? I live about 20 minutes away and they CLOSE AT 7 : 00 PM ! After driving like a mad woman behind people who apparently like to drive very slow ; I made it . I was already to argue with the dimwit who didn 't understand about express delivery guy about refunding my money for the express delivery ; but apparently by now he had either talked to his boss or realized that I was about to go nuts on him and he informed me that they would refund my money in labor costs ; so in actuality I saved a little ( maybe $ 10 bucks ) . I hope he is on his knees tonight thanking God that I didn 't unleash on him - because God knows I was ready to go crazy on him and if I had , my friends , it wouldn 't have been pretty . BUT now I have beautiful new screen . One that isn 't infected with big , crazy blobs and cracks . One that doesn 't have a million fingerprints on it ( since neither guy can figure out that they can use it WITHOUT touching the screen ! ! Yes , it 's a total pet peeve ! ) . And I 've been able to catch up on my blog reading ( since my damn Blackberry won 't update who I 'm following ! ! ) so all is right in Gigi 's world ; for the moment , : : sigh : : . It seems to me that these gunshots are awfully close . Hopefully , they aren 't and it 's that sound carries ( oh please ! Let that be the case ! ) I mean our area is fairly heavily populated . How many deer can there be close by ? The way these guns are going off you would think that the hunters are seeing one every three minutes ! Are there hordes of deer hidden away that no one sees except for the hunters ? I am not a big fan of deer meat or hunting ; but I kind of understand hunters . I grew up among them . I also understand the argument that if you don 't " thin the herd " we will become overrun , they are a nusiance , they cause accidents , blah , blah , blah . What I do not understand is hunting on Thanksgiving day and so close to a populated area . And I do not understand the repeated reports from the gun . If you shoot at the deer and miss - don 't they run away ? I 'm sure they don 't just stand there and let you take another shot . I wouldn 't ! For us , so far , the day has been quiet - unless you count the relentless hammering and power tools - apparently the guys who are framing out the " shed " don 't do Thanksgiving . These guys have been here since about 8 : 00 am . Hubby has even told them to go home and spend the day with their families . Hmmm , I 'm thinking they either don 't like their families - or figure that if they can knock this job out of the way quickly then they can move on to another . It 's amazing to see what these two lone guys have accomplished today . Man - Child and I diligently made the pumpkin pie and the cake - thing ( I 'm going to have to come up with a name for it ) , peeled and diced the potatoes in preparation for morphing into mashed potatoes , par - boiled the damn yams and prepared them to be baked . We even shoved the turkey into the oven . It was nice to have a helper . One that didn 't complain one bit - as long I made sure he had his breakfast . He even thanked me for being a good parent ( although he did tell me that Father Joe told them to thank their parents at their Thanksgiving service at school - but was quick to add that he would have thanked me anyway ; hmmmm sounds a bit suspicious - but I 'll take it ) . Surprisingly , a few stores were open today - so I went out for a couple of hours to scout things for tomorrow . From what I can tell there is very little that I am going to want or need that would necessitate me getting out of the house at 4 : 00 am . The sale papers show only a couple of items that I might consider rising that early for until you read the fine print only 5 items per store - no rainchecks . I know I 'm not going to be first in line for that deal so why bother ? I figure in a few weeks the stores will still be having sales and I won 't have to fight as many hordes of people . But I am kinda nervous because I 've read that retailers have not stockpiled merchandise this year - so the pickings are going to be slim . But I 'm not too worried about it as Hubby and Man - Child have nothing that they must have or will DIE on their lists ( heck neither one has even come up with a list - maybe that means they don 't want anything ? ) . And upon review - I have most everyone else taken care of - so I think I 'm good . I 'd like to say that usually this is all done by Thanksgiving . But sadly , it 's not . Usually about this time every year I go into panic mode . But it gets done . Somehow , some way , it gets done . P . S . - Thank you Lakeviewer for following along ! Sometimes it 's funny , sometimes it 's boring , and a LOT of the time it 's random ! ! Be warned . I 'm going to gripe and carry on . Yes , I realize I told you all the other day how freakin ' happy I was . Today was the longest freakin ' day ever ! No one was at work ; the parking lot was empty . The phones did not ring , no emails were popping up . Nothing . Nada . So I got through the day . I knew it was going to be this way . No problem . But , if you recall , today was the day that my computer was to be fixed . I took it to the computer fixit place on my lunch hour . The part hadn 't come in yet . They were relaxed about it . They said it was still early , it could come in at any time and , oh by the way , that $ 150 I paid was just for the part - I will still need to pay for the labor . ( LIARS ! ) I left my precious computer in their care ; confident that come 5 : 00 pm it would be fixed . Went on about my other errands and back to the boring office for the remainder of the afternoon . He wanted to know if I would be stopping at the grocery on the way home to buy baking supplies . Oh my hell ! ! ! I hadn 't even thought about baking . Especially as this year as it will only be the three of us . He asked what I would be making . Knowing that pumpkin pie is one of his favorites I told him that is what he would be getting . He said ( can you get this ! ) " Is that all ? " I reminded him that it would only be the three of us . He then asked for the cake - thing I made for his dad 's birthday . I said , " Instead of pumpkin pie ? " And , of course , he replied " In addition to . " Being the dumb - ass good mother that I am I agreed - thinking that they are both easy recipes . At 5 : 00 pm ; still no call from computer people . But I am out of the office like a shot . Calling them on the way out the door . I finally get a response from them when I am more than half - way home ( which is about half - way away from where they are ) . The @ ( % & $ ( % & * ( # % & part still hasn 't come in ! I figure at this point , my best bet is to head home - grab the recipes I need ; jump back in the car ; drive all the way back into town ; pick up computer - because of course they are closed tomorrow ; hit the grocery and head home . Oh . . . if only it were that simple . Because Man - Child now wants to accompany me - - AND drive . Suffice it to say he nearly killed me on at least two occasions - - maybe more but I think I 've blotted out all but the worst of it . Argue with the guy at the computer store about refunding my " express " delivery money ; apparently he didn 't understand the whole " express " thing . Suffice it to say - that particular employee is a moron and SHOULD not be allowed to interact with the public . Confirm that they " should " be able to fix said computer on Friday . I don 't believe them at this point . I am learning to live around the great big blob on my screen . Hit the grocery store where the employees are goofing off rather than assisting the HORDES of people who have left their shopping till the last minute . Now I 'm off to make a stupid pie and a cake - thing . And , you know what ? ? Thanksgiving isn 't even one of my favorite holidays . Nope . It 's true . I understand the whole thankful part . But I don 't get the feeding your face until you are ready to puke ; sit in front of the tv watching football part . But I do enjoy the whole 4 day weekend part . So I think I 'll have another glass of wine and deal with those damn yams / sweet potatoes ( whatever the hell you call them ) tomorrow . As Thanksgiving is tomorrow - I thought I 'd share with you an episode from my kitchen and the lesson learned . As you all know ; I don 't cook . I can 't cook . I hate to cook . ( But , I love baking - go figure ) . I have been asked NOT to cook . A little background - Hubby has to work just about every Thanksgiving ( yes , his job sucks ! ) . So generally , he 'll pop the turkey in the oven before he heads off and has usually done a lot of prep work the night before . We will then have our dinner a bit later than the usual family . One Thanksgiving about two years ago things were hectic and as we were expecting more guests that year I , being the ever - wonderful wife that I am , offered to prepare the potatoes and yams while he was at work . I figured between Man - Child and myself we could peel and boil the potatoes and the yam recipe looked easy enough . I mean , it 's not like it 's rocket - science , right ? ( Famous last words - How hard can it be ? ) We set to peeling the potatoes from the GINORMOUS bag . Apparently , Hubby planned on making a VAT of mashed potatoes . It took us forever ; but eventually we got it done and the potatoes on to boil . We then moved on to the yams . We read the recipe and began . Guess what ? The recipe left out one crucial direction . This recipe was not meant for newbies in the kitchen . Did you know that you are supposed to par - boil yams before you attempt to peel or quarter them ? ? I didn 't . Do you know just how difficult it is to peel or quarter an un - par - boiled yam ? I do . It 's a miracle that neither Man - Child or I didn 't saw off a finger or two during this process ! Hubby came in around the time we were about done hacking away at those damn yams . And proceeded to laugh hysterically . Yeah - not funny . How was I supposed to know ? It 's not like I 'm a chef . Hell , I don 't even like yams ( now , after all that - I really don 't like them ) . Man - Child did inform me after all was said and done that the yams were delicious . Great . So - for those of you venturing into the kitchen for the first timEmail ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest He just discovered that no ; I don 't have the day off tomorrow . Immediately the whining began . . . . what am I going to do tomorrow ? ! ! ( He hates being left home alone ; although as a small child he just COULDN ' T wait to be left home ! ) . Then he discovered that the computer wouldn 't be home either ! ( because the screen MUST be fixed ; before my eyes go COMPLETELY crazy . ) . The whining that ensued would have definitely impressed a 4 year old . Then he tried to persuade me to drop him off at a local shopping center for the day . Are you freakin ' kiddin ' me ? To leave him , from approximately 8 : 30 am until 5 : 00 pm ? Ummmm - ain 't happening sweetheart . Besides the fact that he would be BORED out of his mind by 9 : 30 am and then calling me ( or his dad ) to take him home ? NOT HAPPENING ! ! ! And if I am feeling nice enough - maybe I 'll even bring him lunch . Maybe . ( ' Cause at the moment - I 'm not feeling so nice . ) " Congrats , Gigi ! So glad for you ! You deserve it . What I love most about your blog ( and your comments on everyone else 's blogs ) is that you always sound so cheerful and happy . It is so obvious that you love this blogging community ! And so anyways , since I am a bit of a Blog Award Whore , and b / c that award is so frickin ' cute . . . I will be accepting the pass - on and posting soon ! Thanks ! " And it 's true - I do love this blogging community ! I have met some of the most amazing people ! For the most part , I am cheery and happy . Once upon a time , I wasn 't so cheery and happy . I was sad and grouchy . All the time . It was bad . But I read something , somewhere once that resonated with me BIG TIME . You can CHOOSE how you live your life - happy or sad . I also read ( probably in the same place - I forget ) that you can 't change how others view the world or behave ; you can only change your response to it . This is very true . At the time , the position I was in sucked . Pure and simple . The people I worked with were un - happy , grouchy people who had a vendetta against EVERYONE and each other . It was miserable . I was slowly , but surely , being sucked into their way of thinking . Once I realized that it DIDN ' T have to be that way - things changed . I began to seriously look at my life and wonder - what in the hell did I have to be grouchy about ? I have a WONDERFUL husband . A FABULOUS son ( on most days - but hey , he 's a teenager ; there 's bound to be some days that aren 't so great with him ) . A job ( that despite , at the time , being miserable ) was a good job with excellent benefits . And fabulous friends . So thank you , Liz , because you have reminded me of all that I have to be happy for in my little world and what kind of person I could have ended up being . And know , that I think of you ( all ) every day and send positive vibes your way . ( And no - I am not one of those annoyingly , perky people - really ! But I am happy - most of the time . When the guys in this house aren 't tag - teaming and trying to drive me crazy . Which they seem to do on a regular basis . Like why are all of my decorative bamboo sticks are broken - can you say " sword fight ? " How old are they anyway ? But hey , that 's one of the reasons I blog - to get it all out . Yay - look ! Instead of many annoying parentheses ; this time I did it in one big , long one ! ) Two very fabulous friends have bestowed upon me to very fabulous awards . I 'll try to keep my acceptance speech short and sweet . Thank you so very much , I am humbled and am flabbergasted that you both thought I deserved such honors . Bare Naked Mummy has gifted me with the prestigious Zombie Chicken award . So what do you ask is the Zombie Chicken Award - well The blogger who receives this award believes in the Tao of the zombie chicken - excellence , grace and persistence in all situations , even in the midst of a zombie apocalypse . These amazing bloggers regularly produce content so remarkable that their readers would brave a raving pack of zombie chickens just to be able to read their inspiring words . As a recipient of this world - renowned award , you now have the task of passing it on to at least 5 other worthy bloggers . Do not risk the wrath of the zombie chickens by choosing unwisely or not choosing at all . And Melissa has presented me with a Happy 101 award . The rules are : List 10 things that make you happy Try to do at least one of them today Tag 10 bloggers that brighten your day Make sure to link back to the person that tagged you Ten things that make me happy : 1 . Long weekends ( staring at a 4 day one this week ! Yay ! ) 2 . Finding a good deal ( I will be doing this one today as I know where I can get cashmere scarves for $ 12 . 00 - great Christmas presents and one for me ! ) 3 . Shoes ( yes , they make me happy ! ) 4 . Blogging and blog - reading ( I 'm beginning to think I may need a 12 step program ) 5 . Sunshine ( of which a tiny bit is peeking through the clouds as I type - it makes me smile ! ) 6 . A good book . 7 . Cover Girl Outlast Lip Color ( it makes me happy because I only have to put it on once a day and it does NOT come off ! You know as much as I brag about this stuff they should either pay me or send me free lip color ! That 's a subtle hint Cover Girl ! ) 8 . My Blackberry . 9 . All my friends 10 . My little family ( when they aren 't trying to deliberately drive me crazy ; that is ) . Now , without further ado I pass bothEmail ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest But forgive me ; it 's been a busy day as according to Melissa I have been crazy posting today . What can I say ? It 's been really quiet at the office - so those voices just keep talking , talking , talking and need to get out ( no ! ! ! I 'm NOT crazy ; really ? ) 3 . You - because y ' all belong to my heart ; each and every one . ( sappy I know . But hey , a girl is allowed to be sappy once in a while . . . . ) 4 . Man - Child 's renewed interest in school ( i . e . , getting good grades ! ) - because do you know how many years I 've had to go through nagging him about homework ( too many to count and to many gray hairs obtained ) ? ? 5 . Wine . Need I say more ? ? For whatever reason , most of my bloggy friends are from across the pond , in various different areas . It 's wonderful as I get to get a glimpse into what life is like in different areas of the world . But occasionally , I am perplexed . Such as the time that Brighton Mum mentioned Scotch Eggs . Had never heard of them and was intrigued . When she explained what they were and how they were made I was baffled . So then , bless her , she found me a recipe and sent it - it then became clear . Also , she has given me insight into the schooling system over there . Apparently their children finish " compulsory " school ( read high school - I guess ) and then move on to college at 16 ! This one still baffles me . But it seems to work for them . On one occasion , I sent Chic Mama into a fit of giggles because after describing a therapeutic Reiki treatment ( of which I knew nothing ) she mentioned that the therapist would ring her next week . Me , being ever so curious , asked CM - what do you mean she 's going to " ring " you , I was picturing all kinds of things . Apparently , she meant that the therapist was going to call her . I 'm sure there are plenty of other examples of my " learning " moments over at her place , I just can 't think of them now . Am too busy blushing over the " ring " issue still . thatgirl39 at Forty Not Out presented me with this via one of her tweets . An American Dinner . Of course I had to ask . She informed me that is where each guest brings a different course . I had to laugh at that one . I guess it could be called that - although we call it Potluck . And just this afternoon , via a tweet , Fab In Your 40s stopped me in my tracks with this one , she was off to make Toad In A Hole . Of course , I replied immediately with WHAT ? Apparently , it 's sausages in a Yorkshire pudding ( not really clear on what that is either - I think I 'll just Google that one ) . So in addition to all the new friends I 've made ; apparently , I 'm also getting an education . See ? All the time I spend in front of the computer is making me Email ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest Sweater dresses ! I can 't seem to get enough of them . With leggings and boots . Fabulous ! Boots ! They go with EVERYTHING ! I will definitely be investing in at least one ( or maybe three ) more pair . Statement Rings . Really - how could you not love that ? Cardigans - especially the long and lean ones . Totally love this look . Skinny jeans . These work for me much better than boot - leg or flared jeans - which just make my short legs look … well , shorter ! Plus they go great with boots , heels , flats , etc . What are some of the trends you are in love with this season ? 3 comments : Well my , my . I 've reached 30 " friends . " How the hell did that happen ? Not that I 'm complaining , mind you . I like even numbers . Don 't ask me why , I don 't know . Always have . Could be something to do with the OCD problem that I have ? ( It 's minor . Well . . . . in my opinion ! ) ( What do you mean it 's not normal to have everything just so ? ? IT IS I ' M TELLING YOU ; IT IS ! ) So today ; Man - Child once again took me hostage in my car . Then proceeded to get pissy with me because I actually had errands to run . He informed me that he was not my personal chauffer . Really ? Then why the hell are you spending so much time with me ? ( It 's not like he was jumping for joy before to run errands with me ) He just wants access to my car . Do I really look like I was born yesterday ? ! ( Definitely NOT ! ) Anyway ; Man - Child has a school project that is due Monday . Surprisingly , he informed me of this on Thursday ( usually I have about 4 hours notice ! ) . So we have spent a majority of the weekend working on said project . I set up the initial page and had him deal with the remainder ( about 26 pages as he had to create a booklet from A - Z on the Scarlet Letter ) ( He actually did a VERY good job ! ) . I then had to shell out more cash for black ink ; because apparently if you don 't print often the ink dries up - EVEN THOUGH IT HASN ' T RUN OUT YET ! ( tell me this is not a conspiracy with the ink people ! I dare you ! Do you have ANY idea how many times this has happened to me ? ? ) . So in total ? We spent about $ 70 for homework . ( Not counting the time I spent " tweaking " it for Man - Child - cause , yes , my time is valuable and I count it ! ) . Oh . My . Hell ! ! ! When I was his age we did book reports . Plain and simple . Pen and paper . Now ? Apparently , a lot more is expected ( which is fine ; that 's why we are paying for this expensive education , right ? ) but come on ! What about those parents that can 't do all the " extras ? " I mean seriously ? ? Ink is NOT cheap ! Even if you get it from the recycled ink stores ( which , in all honesty . . . sucks ! So you end up having to buy the real stuff anyway ) . If he doesn 't get an A out of this project . . . . there will be hell to pay ! Hubby is completely insane . I thought I was the insane one in this relationship ! When did things take a turn ? Apparently , I mentioned ONE to many times , that we needed to dig up a tree stump so that we could replace the tree that died . Apparently , I mentioned this at 9 : 00 pm . Hubby then proceeded to dig up said tree stump ; immediately . I informed him that the neighbors were probably watching and possibly thinking that he was digging a grave ; he didn 't seem to care . I 'm tempted to completely hide out tomorrow just to see what happens ( if I 'm still alive by tomorrow , that is . . . . ) . But he totally rocks ; because he DID it ; in the dark ! There is now a dead tree stump in my garage ( why ? ? It would probably be happier in the woods ; I 'm just sayin ' ) ; so tomorrow we can transplant a tree ( and pray for it to live ; IF I 'm still here that is ; YOU totally know what happend if you don 't hear from me in the next few days ! ) . Apparently , driving at night TOTALLY freaks him out . I had him drive to the party he is attending tonight ( ' cause he has to learn ; right ? ) . I think he did 35 mph the whole way there . AND almost trashed a mailbox when an ambulance turned on it 's lights . Yes , I totally pretended to have a heart attack . He informed me that the flashing lights distracted him . I may not live to see him get his license ( pray for me ! ) . I totally bought these today ; although I 'm having anxiety about cash lately ; BUT in my defense they are totally CUTE ; totally on SALE and I had a COUPON ! How could I say no ? ? ? ? What I 'll wear them with ? ? ? Not so sure ; they aren 't quite " work " shoes . . . . but they are beautiful and they called my name . . . how could I say no ? And the conversation went on from there . Hubby assumed that Man - Child was angry and broke the computer and phone . Turns out that WASN ' T what happened . Apparently , Man - Child dropped the laptop and tried to catch it by grabbing the screen - not a good idea . He was yelling and cussing ( bad boy ) because he knew that he screwed up . And he was so mad at himself that when he yanked his phone from his pocket - it landed screen first onto the tile ; effectively screwing up his phone . Poor guy was having a rough night from the sound it . ( Thank God I slept through all this ! ) Off to Verizon to see what can be done about phone . Verizon folks are great . The guy told my son that since he told him the truth ( that he dropped it ) he would replace the phone free of charge . Good - no not good , EXCELLENT . And life lesson learned - it pays to be truthful . They seem to be very . . . . ( what 's the word I 'm looking for ? ? ? ) focused ? One is called ( I kid you not ! ) Owl Tattoos . Now , I 'm sorry if I 'm just old - fashioned ; but if you 've seen one Owl Tattoo ; you 've seen ' em all . Another one is called The Daily Nail . Can you guess what that one 's about ? Ummm , yes . It 's all about her manicure . Really ? ? ? ? ? ? Okay , i 'm sooo not knocking other people 's blogs ! ! ( Truly , whatever makes you happy . . . . ) But really ? Do these need to be deemed as Blogs of Note ? I think not . So , really ? What does it take to become a Blog of Note ? Because I have whole list of people who should be featured ! They are folks who have something to say . They are folks who are interesting . They are folks who I would love to meet in " real life . " After declaring yesterday , that I am a bad commentator ( or commentater ) ; I attempted to comment on the majority of the blogs I follow ( which really ? Isn 't that many ! ) OMG ! ! I have spent probably the past hour trying to comment . And not really even trying to come up with clever and witty responses . ( sorry - it 's Friday . It 's been a long week ; I 'm trying - give me some credit here ! ! ) And after the whole splog thing ( which those jerks STILL haven 't responded - dammit , I 'll get on that tomorrow ) where I spent the whole day researching that stuff . . . . I mean really ? If I devoted all my time and energy into this little blog - there would be no time for my life ! But by no means stop - even if I don 't comment know that I 'm reading ( voraciously ! ) and , at least , having comments in my head ( cause that counts - right ? ? ) So I guess I am officially " growing it out " ( only , what , two weeks in ? ) . : : sigh : : The growing out stage is the hardest . I 'm old enough that you would think I would know by know what " works " and what doesn 't . Honestly , does it ever get any easier ( hair , I mean ? ) First things first - my Blackberry . Really ? Why is it not updating my blog stuff ? It has my blog on there - but hasn 't added any of my friends or any of the blogs I follow . It updates what I write and your comments - but that 's it . It 's making me crazy . Maybe I should break out the tutorial cd . . . . . . that just seems like too much work though . I 've been rather quiet on the commenting side of things lately . Mainly , because I 'm trying really , really hard to stay off the internet at work . It 's not working so much . I still read ( quickly ) and then jump off ( before Big Brother notices ) with the intention of commenting when I get home . Guess what ? I have a short attention span ( and a memory to match apparently ) and then totally forget ( mainly because Man - Child is hogging the computer all the time ! Homework , my eye ! ! Does he really think I was born yesterday ? This is SOOO why I need my own computer for Christmas - somebody tell Hubby . ) ( Actually , come to think of it - this one was supposed to be mine ! Hmmm - wonder how they got a hold of it ? ? ) Got a bit of Christmas shopping done yesterday ( yes , via the Internet . . . . at work ( you busted me ) ) . But it HAD to be done . I 've been going crazy realizing how far behind ( I think ) I am . Why is it that ALL of the shopping falls to the wife ? I mean really - they are YOUR family ! ( Don 't you think you could at least give me some ideas , if not actually shop for them ? ) You ( acutally meaning you , dear reader and not Hubby anymore ) do realize that Christmas is little more than a month away don 't you ? How did this happen ? ? ? Last time I looked it was July ! The computer is totally pissing me off right now because I 've only had it out for for about 10 minutes and already the little battery icon - thingy is showing that more than 1 / 2 the power is gone ! WTF ? What is the point of having a laptop if you have to keep it plugged in all the damn time ? Really ? ? I mean I can type pretty fast - but no one can type that fast . Okay - I 've got it plugged in . Now I can slow down and think before typing . So everything before now ? Ignore because it probably doesn 't make any sense because I was under PRESSURE ! Man - Child has been in a really chatty mood today . These happen few and far between lately . It 's a far cry from when he was a little one and you simply could not get him to stop talking EVER . He used to tell you all kinds of stuff . Whatever was on his mind . Then he reached a phase where he would play this game ; what color do you like more Mommy ; red or pink ? Red . Ummm , what color do you like more Black or pink . Black . Green or pink ? Purple or pink ? It went on and on . He tried his darnedest to make me pick pink - because I was a girl . He played this game with EVERYTHING . Drove me batty . ( He was also very chauvinistic as a little guy . I 've done my best to beat that out break him of this - don 't know where it came from - he was born that way ; must be from his father 's side of the family . ) Then he moved on to his Game - Host phase . This was when Who Wants to Be a Millionaire first came on TV ( with Regis ) . He absolutely LOVED this show ( as he did most game shows - anybody remember SuperMarket Sweep ? His absolute favorite ) . Then it was constant questions in game show format . Actually it was kind of cute ; at first . Now we are at the phase where we have to drag every little piece of information out of him . Sometimes water - torture has to be deployed . But today - from the time he got up he wanted to have conversation . Real conversation ( that didn 't involve him or his personal life , of course ) . He wanted to talk about a piece we saw on the news the night before . He even turned the car radio OFF to continue this discussion . The conversation then moved on to choices and how they can impact your life . Choices about what classes he should take now to help him in college ; how some majors aren 't all they are cracked up to be and how you have to really think about what you choose to study in college - because it may not lead you down the path you would ultimately like to go . You know , kinda heavy stuff . It was great because I was able to impart what little wisdom I have without it sounding all lecture - y . Which I try hard not to do since Hubby does that soooo well . So well that we people have a tendency to tune him out ; I 'm just saying . Anyway , I just walked through the living room and overheard Man - Child and Hubby having an intelligent conversation about hurricanes and living below sea - level , etc . So , apparently Man - Child 's need for conversation has lasted throughout the day . A minor miracle . I am consistently proud of this child ( when I 'm not tearing my hair out over minor things like laundry piling up in EVERY FREAKING ROOM OF THE HOUSE ! Why can said laundry NOT find it 's way to the hamper ? ? ) but when he is in this mode ? I am most proud - because he CAN carry on a conversation ; logically and intelligently - with any adult ( just usually not us ) . It 's a glimpse of the man he will ( too soon ) become , if we can navigate these next few years carefully and successfully . But then , I have that niggling fear in the back of my head . I remember my cousin . She was soooo smart . She was on the right track . And then . . . . it all fell apart . Many , many issues came out . She became involved in drugs and alcohol . She was sidelined for YEARS . Thank God , she has finally come to terms with the issues and kicked the drugs and alcohol ; but when I look at all the years wasted before she has finally returned to the road where she was meant to be . . . . my heart breaks . She had a bright future before her . She had goals - she was going to be a doctor . Now . . . . she 's almost fifty . Yes , she 's graduated college and is going for her Masters ( I believe ) ; but what has the world missed - her dreams of being a doctor - totally sidelined . All because she deviated from her path . And it happened almost over night ( at least from what I can remember ) . And this is the deep fear that I have for Man - Child . Because yes , he is a good kid . Yes , he has goals and dreams . But all it takes is one wrong turn . . . . I suppose this is every parents nightmare that we shove down deep and try not to think about . Because it could never happen to our kid ( s ) . But it can , and having seen it first hand . . . . It makes me think about all the friends I 've made via the Internet . How I care for them ; think about them almost daily and hope that whatever issues they are having get resolved . It made me think that these faceless ( and in some cases nameless ) people are my friends . Yes , I haven 't met you ; or talked to you face - to - face - but through the internet I 've gotten to know you . Because , sometimes through writing we show our truest selves . I was sitting on the deck ; happily perusing some of my favorite blogs . The boys were out - it was a beautiful morning . All was right with the world . Eventually , I heard the truck pull up . Doors slam ( cause boys are loud that way ) . Eventually , Man - Child makes his way to the back deck . I have done a lot of research today on protecting my ( and your ) work . This article explains quite a bit . ( And yes , I checked his copyright notice before linking him here ) . Basically this article states that it is important that you put a copyright notice on your site for your protection . And that you don 't have to register anywhere to use the © on your work . The Berne Convention for the Protection of Literary and Artistic Works is an international agreement which governs copyright . According to this Convention ; copyrights for creative works ( which blogs are ) are automatically in force upon their creation - even if you do not declare it . As an author - you do not need to register your work in any country that has signed this convention . Parties that signed can be found here . But basically , I think most major countries have signed it . An important point to note from the Berne Convention is that your copyright lasts for your lifetime and 50 years after your death . Now I 'm sure you are all wondering what the big deal is - I mean it 's just a spam blog - it 's not like someone lifted my work and is proclaiming it for their own . Well , that could happen ( though really ? If someone were to want to steal words - there are better bloggers than me to steal from ) . But the problem with Splogs ( as they are commonly called ) is that they are fake and only created to try and get viewers to click on the ads in the site . Since somehow ( I haven 't figured that part out ) they work it to where their site comes up first when certain key words are searched on Google ( say … . Gigi 's Ramblings ) . This can be harmful to my reputation . How you ask ? Say one of you is telling one of your friends how witty and charming I am . They ask for the website address - but since it is far too long for any human to remember - you tell them to just Google Gigi 's Ramblings . They do and they come up with several of these splogs and never see my real website - which has been pushed to the bottom of the page - or heaven forbid - toEmail ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest I was trolling around on the Internet ; trying to figure out how some of you know what Google Searches are leading to your blogs . Does that even make sense ? I 've come across a few blogs where the authors have posted how some people have stumbled across their blogs through Google - and what the word search was that led them there . ( Yes , that 's clearer ) Anyway , lo and behold , look what I found : http : / / oldiesmusic . start4all . com / 2009 / 09 / 02 / gigis - ramblings - he - makes - me - laugh / # respond I don 't know who or what this jerk is - but he STOLE my content ! This is mine : http : / / gigisramblings - gso . blogspot . com / 2009 / 09 / he - makes - me - laugh . html Yes , the jerk garbled it ; but it 's MINE ! ! ! ! And you know what ? I didn 't even get attribution ! I 've searched the site high and low - and there 's no way to reach the jerk that I have discovered yet . I also found this : http : / / brokencontrollers . com / gigi - s - ramblings - the - games - people - play - t5630735 . php But at least these people list me as the " Source " and when you click the title it directs you back to my page . I 've done a little research - and apparently , at least the first one are called SPLOGS - I can only assume that means Spam Blogs . What their purpose is I don 't know . But if I can figure out how to hunt this guy down and hurt him ; I will . So anybody with any ideas on how to protect my stuff - without locking this sight down tighter than Fort Knox - please let me know . Because this really , really ticks me off . 6 comments : Oh the life of an office drone . It sounds so utterly boring , doesn 't it ? Well , let me tell you - life in the office is full of intrigue , innuendo , and other words that I can 't think of right now . Currently , our little department is fractured . Well , actually it 's been fractured since before I even arrived on the scene . We have our side of the hall and their side . Although our department head has publicly declared that we are not two separate departments - the rift continues and is perpetuated by not only them ; but the department head himself . But our little department isn 't the only one that is affected by all those words that have totally slipped out of my brain . Because of the overall lack of communication and the total lack of transparency from the top down - the workplace is swirling with rumors about being sold to our main competitor ; or that there will be massive layoffs since Mr . So - n - So was hired under the veil of secrecy . It goes on an on . And , of course , there are always the whispered conversations going on about who is sleeping with whom ; who is a total slacker ; the jackass ; etc . But right now the biggest issue going on at the office revolves around the coffee . Apparently , the powers that be decided to switch vendors to save money . That is all fine and dandy . Except for the fact that this vendor 's coffee is horrible . We have decided that this was management 's plan all along . Bring in nasty coffee and it will in turn cause all of us to quit drinking coffee ; thus enabling the management to cut the contract with the vendor and they will have saved tons of money by not having to buy coffee at all ( I can hear them cackling now behind their closed doors ) . They think we aren 't on to their evil plan . But being that we have been fairly caffeine - deprived for the last few days ( thus the reason that I can 't think of all the words I wanted to use in this post ) we have yet to band together to form a revolution . The one big flaw in their plan is that without coffee - our brains are slowly turniEmail ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest When I comment , I am an enthusiastic commenter ( or is it commentor ? Not sure , again too lazy to check tonight ) . And more and more I am finding that I post a comment with gusto . I hit post and then immediately hit close - because I am ready to move on to my next excellent read ( of which there are so many ! ) . Only to realize as the window is closing that word verification has popped up . Damn . My comment is gone . Unless I have the energy to go back and re - open the post and try to re - create my comment ( and you know - sometimes - that second comment just doesn 't have the right " zip " to it ) . Do you know how often this has happened to me in the past 24 hours alone ? ? With all that being said . As of this minute - word verification on this blog is gone ! Spammers be damned ! ( But really ? Spammers - here ? What is there to spam here about ? ? I don 't know ; I guess we will find out together and deal with it as the issue ( s ) arise . ) . Yes , yes . I have looked in the Petites department at every store I 've been in for the past 6 months . But apparently , some joker out there in merchandising ( or whatever the hell it 's called ) seems to think that putting a petite label on pants that are actually meant for the human of normal height is hilarious . ( Guess what bud ? SOOOO not funny ) . Anyway … . I had some time to kill at lunch today . I decided to run into Sears . Why ? I don 't know . I don 't even like Sears . I 'm not sure why . . . Oh wait , I do know why I went . I 'd seen their Sunday advertisement saying that all their boots were 40 % off . Uh , don 't bother - all their boots were ugly ( and cheap - looking ) . Anyway … . ( yes , I know I keep getting off - topic . Roll with it ) I wandered into the Petite department just to see . Because by now , I 'd totally given up . I was planning on buying pants that were too long and either shelling out the money to have them altered or take the plunge and try to alter them myself - which would pretty much guarantee that I 'd have to throw them away . But there they were ! ( Cue the angels singing ! ) Actual Petite pants - that were the right length ! AND even better they were on the clearance rack for $ 10 ! ! ! ! AND they even had the three basic colors I wanted . AND they had them in my size ! Could it get any better ? I didn 't think so . Needless to say , I grabbed them up and floated to the checkout counter where I informed the woman that they had made my day . This seemed to please her . She began to ring up my purchases and my day got even brighter . Because apparently everything on clearance was an additional 50 % off - so my $ 10 pants ? ? Yeah - now only $ 5 . 00 a piece ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I almost kissed her . But that would have been totally weird and I probably would have been banned from the store for life - which would totally suck since I now know where to find pants ( at least until that joker figures out he 's missed one place to spread his evil ) . Passwords . Really ? ? Do you realize how many I have ? ? All the important stuff that I should remember ( like the year my son was born or the year I got married ) has totally been pushed out of my brain so that I can retain all these darn passwords . Passwords at work ( at least 6 ; probably more - but I 've forgotten the less used ones ) ; passwords for my bank card ; passwords for email ; passwords for blogger ; passwords for online banking ; passwords for cellphone stuff ; passwords that I never even knew I had until I 'm trying to " fix " something ( which is real pain ! ! ! ) ; passwords for online shopping . . . . . the list goes on and on . I am constantly forgetting what site I 'm logging onto and invariably enter the wrong password - which then leads to cursing on my part . And once , really , I totally forgot the password to my bank card . Completely , totally forgot it . Couldn 't remember it ever again - it was GONE . Had to get a whole new card . That was a nightmare . So to all you hackers out there that have made all these damn passwords so very necessary . . . . . there is a special place in hell for you . . . . just so ya ' know . HTML code - really ? ? Do you have to be that damn difficult ? ? For whatever reason , I still can 't fill the date into that random box on my template . And the whole automatic date / time stamp that 's supposed to show up under all my titles ? So not there . And I 've checked everything ! If there 's anyone out there who actually understands HTML who feels pity for this poor little girl ; email me . I need all the help I can get . Really ? Fashion people ? I know I 've expounded on this issue before . But it bears repeating . " Petite " means that it is for short people ! Not short people with freakishly long legs ! ! ! Those people belong in the regular departments . Also , " petite " does NOT mean little old lady . Thank you . Now go do something about it before I totally freak out in a department store because I can 't find a pair of pants that are not at least 4 - 6 inches too long in the PETITE department and end up in jail for causing a public disturbance ( seriously ? ? It totally could happen any day now ; do you realize how long I 've been looking for pants that I don 't have to alter ! And it 's not like I am freakishly short or anything either ! ) . Hubby ? Man - Child ? You do realize that yelling at the players on tv really doesn 't do any good right ? They can 't hear you . Yes , I know I talk to the computer all the time ; but it actually listens to me ( although it tends to ignore me a good bit of the time . Yes , we have a love / hate relationship , the computer and I ) . The people on tv ? They can 't hear you . Yes , there is a difference . People with WAR IS NOT THE ANSWER bumper stickers . I agree . War is ugly and should be avoided at all costs - but really ? What 's your answer ? We were attacked . On US soil . A total act of agression - that we did not provoke . What did you think the response was going to be ? ( Yes , this is totally political and possibly inflammatory ( which is totally not me ) - but I really want to know - what is the answer then ? ? And if you have a great answer - get thee to Capitol Hill and tell them ; because I do want our boys ( yes BOYS ) to come home safely and soon ) ( and yes , I am again using waaaayyyy to many parentheses and italics . What can I say - that 's just me . ) ( and yes , I talk like this in real life - just ask Hubby . He constantly has a hard time following conversation with me ) ( I totally don 't get it - I know what I 'm saying - why can 't he ? Come on Hubs - keep up ! It 's really not that hard ! ! ) . 3 . I am grateful for the FABULOUS weather we 've had this weekend ( particularly after the monsoon - type weather we had last week - hey Mother Nature ? Can we keep this up for a bit longer , pretty please ? ) . 5 . I am grateful to have found this during our travels today ( yes , a bit materialistic of me - I know . Sorry - but I 've been looking for a statement ring FOREVER ) . No more . Now , it is constant - " Mom , do you need to go somewhere ? " " Mom , we need to run to Target . " " Mom , we need to go to the grocery . " I tried to sneak out of the house this morning . For some " alone " time . As I was applying my lipstick ( I should have run before then ! ) , Man - Child appeared in the doorway . He wanted me to come home early so that I could take him to lunch . Read between the lines to mean : he wanted to drive me to lunch and whatever other errands I might have . NOT that he really wanted to spend time with me . : : sigh : : I fear that any alone time I might have had is gone ! Do you hear me ? GONE ! Soon you will find me sitting in a corner ; rocking and eating my own hair . And it 's all because , I let him get his permit . Be warned , my friends ! Be warned ! She is a good person . A beautiful person . A person who has made bad choices in her life - and is living with the consequences of those choices . She admitted that she 'd been avoiding me . She admitted that she envied me . ( ME ? ? Of all people ? Truly , I 'm the last person I 'd envy ) She said she was embarrassed about what her life had become . It hadn 't turned out the way she 'd envisioned it so many years ago . ( Really ? ? How many of our lives have turned out the way we 'd planned ? If my life had turned out the way I expected , I 'd be living the high life in NYC ; instead of in the suburbs in NC ) I want to be her friend . I want to help her through her hard times . Do I have the strength and fortitude for it ? I don 't know . Her problems are large . But I will try . I will listen when she needs me . I will offer encouragement where I can . It breaks my heart that she is in the predicament that she finds herself in . As Hubby constantly reminds me ; I am a different person . I am ( in his words ) stronger and tougher than some . I don 't know about that . Even so it amazes me that people find themselves in these types of situations . All I know for sure is that I love this woman . Warts and all . We have been through so much together . Both good and bad . And I pray that I can be there for here when she needs me . And that she will get it all together and go forward - and find the life that she deserves . # Do you have a place at an NC beach that we can crash at on the cheap ? # Hook me up . # Please tell me that the dives aren 't that bad # first grownup job # we are so proud # wait . I 'm the mother of a working adult now ? # I 'm allowed to brag a little
|
Why has this been stressing me you might ask ? Because in order to send out the invites for our Open House ( on the 19th ! And you know you need a two week window on invites - even if you 've already told everyone to save the date ! ) I needed to have the Christmas cards done - so that I can send them out at the same time ( do you know how much postage costs these days ? ? ? ? And I have long lists ! ) . I have been struggling with the guys over this all weekend . Tried to do it on Friday ; they refused to cooperate . Tried to do it on Sunday - they had previous plans ( which , to be fair , I had forgotten about ) . So today , finally ! ! It is done . I 've picked out the picture to use , I 've created the card and the invite , but ( dammit ) I 've left the list at work ! So first thing tomorrow - I will order the cards ( both sets ) to be delivered asap ! ( Be damned the cost at this point ) ( Who says work is for work ? Hell , I 've worked on my mother - in - law 's photo book all afternoon ! ! ! Ssshh ! Don 't tell ! Hey company - that 's what happens when you can 't keep me busy with other stuff ; like , you know , work ! ) I have waffled over posting this . I don 't want to be judged - or to be thought crazy ( I am crazy ; but in a rational way - I promise ! ) . But in the end , I 've decided it 's a Public Service Announcement . Because you need to know this stuff - in the event you ever need it . Just call me Smoky Bear ( fyi - he doesn 't like to be called Smoky THE Bear ) - doing what I do all for your edification ! Once upon a time , long , long , ago . Hubby 's daughter was living with us . It was a freaking nightmare ( for me at least - had I known about blogging ; maybe things would have been different - I could have gotten A LOT off my chest ) . I was seeing reality ; Hubby was looking at life through rose - colored glasses because finally , he had his child under his roof and she could do no wrong . Step - daugher ? Doing pretty much whatever she wanted because she knew she had daddy wrapped around her little finger . It was pure hell . One day , Hubby suggested that maybe I needed to be on medication . I scoffed at him . I berated him . What kind of idiot was he ? He was insane ! The doctor ( actually Nurse - Practicioner - whom I love ) ; asked me about stresses in my life . The whole story came pouring out along with tears . Because yes , I was stressed beyond belief . Now here we are . Probably about 4 - 5 years later . Not once have I been asked - Are your stresses gone ( yes , they are . Thank you very much . Step - daughter and I get along famously now that she has grown up and learned to accept responsibility , learned how to be a grown up , pay her own way AND gotten rid of drug - lord boyfriend - it took a VERY long time for Hubby to see these things ) . The stuff I 've read about this drug is freaking SCARY ! ! REALLY , REALLY SCARY ! And the stuff I 've read about trying to get off it - EVEN MORE SO ! But Hubby ? In all his " infinite wisdom " said ( after I mentioned I was weaning ) " you really shouldn 't do that . " WHY ? I YOU are the one that got me into this freaking mess to begin with ! At this point in the game ; YOU have nothing to say about any of this except ; THANK YOU FOR STILL BEING MARRIED TO MY STUBBORN , BLIND ASS ! ( Besides there is the fact that you might totally benefit since one of the side affects is a lack of " desire " ) . After the week was up ; I called the nurse - practicioner and asked for a weaker dose and explained that I wanted to get off this stuff . She agreed and called in a prescription . She told me to take the weaker dose every day for ten days ; then every other day for ten days and then just stop . I 've been doing okay - the pinging and fuzziness has mostly been confined to the morning after the missed dose ( course , I 've only been doing this for a couple of days ) . But tonight I am noticing the pinging and fuzziness and I 'm due to take a dose tomorrow . It 's not as bad as has been described on some websites ; but it is disconcerting ; I can 't imagine how horrible it would be if I had been on a higher dosage . It 's weird ; because I 'll be going along with everything fine and then all of a sudden - my brain just " jolts ! " It doesn 't hurt - but . . . . as I said , it 's disconcerting . But with everything I 've read - at least I 'm prepared and know what 's going on ; otherwise I 'd just think I was going crazy ! But I have also noticed that my energy level is WAY up . Yay ! For the longest time , I figured it was just a matter of me getting older - it 's NOT . It 's the drug . It has been sapping all of my natural energy . I 've also noticed I 'm not as forgetful - which again I was attributing to my : : ahem : : advancing age . I 've also noticed that all those " little " things that didn 't bother me before ( but used to ) is also returning ( hmmm , Hubby and Man - Child may not like that part . . . . ) So yeah ? While I totally advocate talking to your doctor ( or nurse practioner or therapist or whoever ) when you are stressed . TOTALLY RESEARCH THE MEDS PRESCRIBED BEFORE TAKING THEM . 1 . That this weekend has been extremely unseasonable - which enabled me to get my part of the outside decorations done ( usually I 'm out there in the cold , cursing and trying to figure out the plugs on the little Christmas trees that line the walk . This time I was able to do it at a leisurely pace ! ) ( Hubby has resisted all attempts to get him to put up the lights - he 'll regret it when it 's cold and he 's out there while I sit inside , secure in the knowledge that I 've already done my part ! I 'll try not to be smug about it - yeah , right ! ) 7 . That my neighbor keeps his yard in order ( but REALLY ? ? ? I think he has OCD about it or something . He was mowing in on Thanksgiving ( Thursday ) and has been out there again on his mower today - blowing his leaves toward the woods and is now using his leaf blower to make sure every last leaf is off his lawn ! ) 8 . That my computer screen is fixed ! ! 9 . That my guys are going out tonight and I will have some much needed quiet time ( if neighbor guy EVER finishes his lawn ) . We discussed it today ( after I asked him where it was in hopes of hiding it from him ) . He informed me that I should be begging him to read it - to make him appreciate even more what he has . To appreciate that he has the parents that he does . My house is clean ( kind of ) . My little Christmas trees are lining my walkway ( thank goodness it was a beautiful day - I HATE to do this when it 's cold ) . My car is filled . The clutter is gone ( kind of ) . Laundry still awaits ( ick ! ) though . I definitely need more 4 day weekends ! I could get soooooo much done ! But the most productive part ? Lunch with Man - Child . Today we discussed his education ( at his instigation ; thank you very much ) . He informed me of his " plan " for his junior and senior year in high school . Needless to say , I was very impressed ( and extremely thankful that I am not in school anymore ! ) . My child has not been a very studious student ( to say the least ) in recent preceding years . I 've tried everything to get him more interested in studying ( begging , pleading , bribing . . . you name it . ) and getting the best grades he could get . He never took the bait . Although I know that he is bright and could " get " any subject if he would just apply himself just an inch . ( I 'm actually convinced he took a dive on the AL test in third grade on purpose . . . . ) . Example : he is currently averaging a C + in Spanish ( if you knew his previous grades in this class you would be on your feet cheering ! ) . But he is agonizing over it . He is just a few points from a B . And you would think the fate of the world hinges upon him making that C + into a B . EVERY day this weekend he has asked me to log on to the student performance website to see if his teacher has posted their most recent grades . I 've tried telling him that his teachers are on vacation too and not thinking about school . . . . to no avail . Every conversation about his school revolves around what colleges might be looking for . . . and he 's only a sophomore . He is considering taking LATIN next year ! Why ? Because it will help on his SAT scores and because if he has TWO languages it might be more enticing to certain colleges . Really ? ? ? LATIN ? ! ? ! ? I 've mentioned how hard Latin is ; he doesn 't care . I 've mentioned that taking really hard courses doesn 't matter to said colleges if you can 't make the grades . He is confident that he can make the grades . ( And I KNOW he can if he applies himself - but the past few years makes me wonder . He 's never LIKED to apply himself ) . I have told him over and over again about a certain friend of mine 's daughter in recent years ( in hopes to get him to apply himself ) . And how she continually set herself up to fail . And how she was repeatedly rejected by colleges because she never applied herself in high school - and was finally accepted to a private college ( which of course has set her mother up to fail because she can 't afford it . . . . another story entirely ) . Maybe this has finally sunk in ? I don 't know . WHATEVER ! I 'm happy . Man - Child is finally looking to the future and making plans . While this makes me very happy ; it also makes me very sad . My baby is making plans to leave the nest ! I know that this means I have done my job as a mother . But still . . . my boy is stretching his wings and learning to fly . Away from me ? I 'm not quite ready for him to go . Yes , I still have a few years ( maybe more if he decides to go to college somewhere close . . . ) but - judging from how fast the last few years have flown . . . . it won 't be too many more before he is gone . Currently our lives pretty much revolve around Man - Child ( how could it not ? ) . Once he 's gone . . . . there will be a HUGE void . How will we fill it ? The house will be EXTREMELY quiet . ALL THE TIME ! I woke up early this morning ; for whatever reason . Maybe I was expecting the hammers to start up again . I don 't know . Curious , they never did show up today - maybe they mistook Hubby telling them to go home yesterday to mean they didn 't have to come back . : : sigh : : we 'll see what happens tomorrow . Man - Child also woke early ; which is an EVENT now that he 's a teenager ( although as a baby we couldn 't pay him to sleep ! ) . I know I mentioned that I wouldn 't be rolling out of bed early for the Black Friday craziness . And I didn 't . But for whatever reason ( I think DRIVING was the main reason ) Man - Child wanted to be out and about today . And as I did have a few errands and things I wanted to procure ; I agreed . OH . MY . HELL ! ! ! In the name of all that is holy DO NOT let your child drive on the craziest shopping day of the year ! WHAT WAS I THINKING ? ? ? ? We nearly DIED wrecked three times ! The boy definitely needs to work on using his mirrors and watching what the person across the intersection might be doing ! In fact , one man was SO angry - that even after I mouthed " I 'm sorry ! ! ! " and gave the friendly wave - still continued to give us the death glare at what had to be the longest light ever ! ! Honestly . . . . he could see that Man - Child was a young driver ; he could have cut us some slack ! ( Although I must admit at this horribly gross misstep error ; I had my face in my lap and my hands over my head because I knew we were going to die wreck . ) I think tomorrow I will put a sign in the back window that reads : YOUNG DRIVER . BEWARE ! We braved a few of the Black Friday crowds . We didn 't buy much - mainly because the deals weren 't great enough to deal with the lines ! ! People are crazy - I did not see one thing that was worth standing in line for an hour for ; although Man - Child was able to buy me a gift ( yes I know what it is ; ' cause I orchestrated the whole thing ) and was in and out in no time . I also managed to score two fabulous cashmere scarves for a song at a sweet , little boutique I know . One of the errands including having my computer fixed by the folks who should not be allowed to deal with the public EVER . Believe me I was all set to blast these guys out of the water on the blogosphere . After all is said and done I won 't - BUT you can believe I will never step foot in their establishment again . They were supposed to call and let me know when the part came in . They didn 't . I finally just showed up with the laptop and asked . They were all - Oh let me check . Come on guys - this isn 't Best Buy you should know whether or not it came in . Apparently , it had . So I left my precious computer . They had said it would only take a couple of hours and they would call when it was ready . I left it at 1 : 00 pm . I called at 5 : 00 pm and was informed that it should be ready soon . I called again at 6 : 15 - it still wasn 't ready , but they expected that it would be ready soon . I reminded the moron guy that they closed at 7 : 00 and wondered if it would be ready for pick up by then . He expected that it would . Finally , around 6 : 30 ( or a bit after ) they called to say it was ready . Guess what ? I live about 20 minutes away and they CLOSE AT 7 : 00 PM ! After driving like a mad woman behind people who apparently like to drive very slow ; I made it . I was already to argue with the dimwit who didn 't understand about express delivery guy about refunding my money for the express delivery ; but apparently by now he had either talked to his boss or realized that I was about to go nuts on him and he informed me that they would refund my money in labor costs ; so in actuality I saved a little ( maybe $ 10 bucks ) . I hope he is on his knees tonight thanking God that I didn 't unleash on him - because God knows I was ready to go crazy on him and if I had , my friends , it wouldn 't have been pretty . BUT now I have beautiful new screen . One that isn 't infected with big , crazy blobs and cracks . One that doesn 't have a million fingerprints on it ( since neither guy can figure out that they can use it WITHOUT touching the screen ! ! Yes , it 's a total pet peeve ! ) . And I 've been able to catch up on my blog reading ( since my damn Blackberry won 't update who I 'm following ! ! ) so all is right in Gigi 's world ; for the moment , : : sigh : : . It seems to me that these gunshots are awfully close . Hopefully , they aren 't and it 's that sound carries ( oh please ! Let that be the case ! ) I mean our area is fairly heavily populated . How many deer can there be close by ? The way these guns are going off you would think that the hunters are seeing one every three minutes ! Are there hordes of deer hidden away that no one sees except for the hunters ? I am not a big fan of deer meat or hunting ; but I kind of understand hunters . I grew up among them . I also understand the argument that if you don 't " thin the herd " we will become overrun , they are a nusiance , they cause accidents , blah , blah , blah . What I do not understand is hunting on Thanksgiving day and so close to a populated area . And I do not understand the repeated reports from the gun . If you shoot at the deer and miss - don 't they run away ? I 'm sure they don 't just stand there and let you take another shot . I wouldn 't ! For us , so far , the day has been quiet - unless you count the relentless hammering and power tools - apparently the guys who are framing out the " shed " don 't do Thanksgiving . These guys have been here since about 8 : 00 am . Hubby has even told them to go home and spend the day with their families . Hmmm , I 'm thinking they either don 't like their families - or figure that if they can knock this job out of the way quickly then they can move on to another . It 's amazing to see what these two lone guys have accomplished today . Man - Child and I diligently made the pumpkin pie and the cake - thing ( I 'm going to have to come up with a name for it ) , peeled and diced the potatoes in preparation for morphing into mashed potatoes , par - boiled the damn yams and prepared them to be baked . We even shoved the turkey into the oven . It was nice to have a helper . One that didn 't complain one bit - as long I made sure he had his breakfast . He even thanked me for being a good parent ( although he did tell me that Father Joe told them to thank their parents at their Thanksgiving service at school - but was quick to add that he would have thanked me anyway ; hmmmm sounds a bit suspicious - but I 'll take it ) . Surprisingly , a few stores were open today - so I went out for a couple of hours to scout things for tomorrow . From what I can tell there is very little that I am going to want or need that would necessitate me getting out of the house at 4 : 00 am . The sale papers show only a couple of items that I might consider rising that early for until you read the fine print only 5 items per store - no rainchecks . I know I 'm not going to be first in line for that deal so why bother ? I figure in a few weeks the stores will still be having sales and I won 't have to fight as many hordes of people . But I am kinda nervous because I 've read that retailers have not stockpiled merchandise this year - so the pickings are going to be slim . But I 'm not too worried about it as Hubby and Man - Child have nothing that they must have or will DIE on their lists ( heck neither one has even come up with a list - maybe that means they don 't want anything ? ) . And upon review - I have most everyone else taken care of - so I think I 'm good . I 'd like to say that usually this is all done by Thanksgiving . But sadly , it 's not . Usually about this time every year I go into panic mode . But it gets done . Somehow , some way , it gets done . P . S . - Thank you Lakeviewer for following along ! Sometimes it 's funny , sometimes it 's boring , and a LOT of the time it 's random ! ! Be warned . I 'm going to gripe and carry on . Yes , I realize I told you all the other day how freakin ' happy I was . Today was the longest freakin ' day ever ! No one was at work ; the parking lot was empty . The phones did not ring , no emails were popping up . Nothing . Nada . So I got through the day . I knew it was going to be this way . No problem . But , if you recall , today was the day that my computer was to be fixed . I took it to the computer fixit place on my lunch hour . The part hadn 't come in yet . They were relaxed about it . They said it was still early , it could come in at any time and , oh by the way , that $ 150 I paid was just for the part - I will still need to pay for the labor . ( LIARS ! ) I left my precious computer in their care ; confident that come 5 : 00 pm it would be fixed . Went on about my other errands and back to the boring office for the remainder of the afternoon . He wanted to know if I would be stopping at the grocery on the way home to buy baking supplies . Oh my hell ! ! ! I hadn 't even thought about baking . Especially as this year as it will only be the three of us . He asked what I would be making . Knowing that pumpkin pie is one of his favorites I told him that is what he would be getting . He said ( can you get this ! ) " Is that all ? " I reminded him that it would only be the three of us . He then asked for the cake - thing I made for his dad 's birthday . I said , " Instead of pumpkin pie ? " And , of course , he replied " In addition to . " Being the dumb - ass good mother that I am I agreed - thinking that they are both easy recipes . At 5 : 00 pm ; still no call from computer people . But I am out of the office like a shot . Calling them on the way out the door . I finally get a response from them when I am more than half - way home ( which is about half - way away from where they are ) . The @ ( % & $ ( % & * ( # % & part still hasn 't come in ! I figure at this point , my best bet is to head home - grab the recipes I need ; jump back in the car ; drive all the way back into town ; pick up computer - because of course they are closed tomorrow ; hit the grocery and head home . Oh . . . if only it were that simple . Because Man - Child now wants to accompany me - - AND drive . Suffice it to say he nearly killed me on at least two occasions - - maybe more but I think I 've blotted out all but the worst of it . Argue with the guy at the computer store about refunding my " express " delivery money ; apparently he didn 't understand the whole " express " thing . Suffice it to say - that particular employee is a moron and SHOULD not be allowed to interact with the public . Confirm that they " should " be able to fix said computer on Friday . I don 't believe them at this point . I am learning to live around the great big blob on my screen . Hit the grocery store where the employees are goofing off rather than assisting the HORDES of people who have left their shopping till the last minute . Now I 'm off to make a stupid pie and a cake - thing . And , you know what ? ? Thanksgiving isn 't even one of my favorite holidays . Nope . It 's true . I understand the whole thankful part . But I don 't get the feeding your face until you are ready to puke ; sit in front of the tv watching football part . But I do enjoy the whole 4 day weekend part . So I think I 'll have another glass of wine and deal with those damn yams / sweet potatoes ( whatever the hell you call them ) tomorrow . As Thanksgiving is tomorrow - I thought I 'd share with you an episode from my kitchen and the lesson learned . As you all know ; I don 't cook . I can 't cook . I hate to cook . ( But , I love baking - go figure ) . I have been asked NOT to cook . A little background - Hubby has to work just about every Thanksgiving ( yes , his job sucks ! ) . So generally , he 'll pop the turkey in the oven before he heads off and has usually done a lot of prep work the night before . We will then have our dinner a bit later than the usual family . One Thanksgiving about two years ago things were hectic and as we were expecting more guests that year I , being the ever - wonderful wife that I am , offered to prepare the potatoes and yams while he was at work . I figured between Man - Child and myself we could peel and boil the potatoes and the yam recipe looked easy enough . I mean , it 's not like it 's rocket - science , right ? ( Famous last words - How hard can it be ? ) We set to peeling the potatoes from the GINORMOUS bag . Apparently , Hubby planned on making a VAT of mashed potatoes . It took us forever ; but eventually we got it done and the potatoes on to boil . We then moved on to the yams . We read the recipe and began . Guess what ? The recipe left out one crucial direction . This recipe was not meant for newbies in the kitchen . Did you know that you are supposed to par - boil yams before you attempt to peel or quarter them ? ? I didn 't . Do you know just how difficult it is to peel or quarter an un - par - boiled yam ? I do . It 's a miracle that neither Man - Child or I didn 't saw off a finger or two during this process ! Hubby came in around the time we were about done hacking away at those damn yams . And proceeded to laugh hysterically . Yeah - not funny . How was I supposed to know ? It 's not like I 'm a chef . Hell , I don 't even like yams ( now , after all that - I really don 't like them ) . Man - Child did inform me after all was said and done that the yams were delicious . Great . So - for those of you venturing into the kitchen for the first timEmail ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest He just discovered that no ; I don 't have the day off tomorrow . Immediately the whining began . . . . what am I going to do tomorrow ? ! ! ( He hates being left home alone ; although as a small child he just COULDN ' T wait to be left home ! ) . Then he discovered that the computer wouldn 't be home either ! ( because the screen MUST be fixed ; before my eyes go COMPLETELY crazy . ) . The whining that ensued would have definitely impressed a 4 year old . Then he tried to persuade me to drop him off at a local shopping center for the day . Are you freakin ' kiddin ' me ? To leave him , from approximately 8 : 30 am until 5 : 00 pm ? Ummmm - ain 't happening sweetheart . Besides the fact that he would be BORED out of his mind by 9 : 30 am and then calling me ( or his dad ) to take him home ? NOT HAPPENING ! ! ! And if I am feeling nice enough - maybe I 'll even bring him lunch . Maybe . ( ' Cause at the moment - I 'm not feeling so nice . ) " Congrats , Gigi ! So glad for you ! You deserve it . What I love most about your blog ( and your comments on everyone else 's blogs ) is that you always sound so cheerful and happy . It is so obvious that you love this blogging community ! And so anyways , since I am a bit of a Blog Award Whore , and b / c that award is so frickin ' cute . . . I will be accepting the pass - on and posting soon ! Thanks ! " And it 's true - I do love this blogging community ! I have met some of the most amazing people ! For the most part , I am cheery and happy . Once upon a time , I wasn 't so cheery and happy . I was sad and grouchy . All the time . It was bad . But I read something , somewhere once that resonated with me BIG TIME . You can CHOOSE how you live your life - happy or sad . I also read ( probably in the same place - I forget ) that you can 't change how others view the world or behave ; you can only change your response to it . This is very true . At the time , the position I was in sucked . Pure and simple . The people I worked with were un - happy , grouchy people who had a vendetta against EVERYONE and each other . It was miserable . I was slowly , but surely , being sucked into their way of thinking . Once I realized that it DIDN ' T have to be that way - things changed . I began to seriously look at my life and wonder - what in the hell did I have to be grouchy about ? I have a WONDERFUL husband . A FABULOUS son ( on most days - but hey , he 's a teenager ; there 's bound to be some days that aren 't so great with him ) . A job ( that despite , at the time , being miserable ) was a good job with excellent benefits . And fabulous friends . So thank you , Liz , because you have reminded me of all that I have to be happy for in my little world and what kind of person I could have ended up being . And know , that I think of you ( all ) every day and send positive vibes your way . ( And no - I am not one of those annoyingly , perky people - really ! But I am happy - most of the time . When the guys in this house aren 't tag - teaming and trying to drive me crazy . Which they seem to do on a regular basis . Like why are all of my decorative bamboo sticks are broken - can you say " sword fight ? " How old are they anyway ? But hey , that 's one of the reasons I blog - to get it all out . Yay - look ! Instead of many annoying parentheses ; this time I did it in one big , long one ! ) Two very fabulous friends have bestowed upon me to very fabulous awards . I 'll try to keep my acceptance speech short and sweet . Thank you so very much , I am humbled and am flabbergasted that you both thought I deserved such honors . Bare Naked Mummy has gifted me with the prestigious Zombie Chicken award . So what do you ask is the Zombie Chicken Award - well The blogger who receives this award believes in the Tao of the zombie chicken - excellence , grace and persistence in all situations , even in the midst of a zombie apocalypse . These amazing bloggers regularly produce content so remarkable that their readers would brave a raving pack of zombie chickens just to be able to read their inspiring words . As a recipient of this world - renowned award , you now have the task of passing it on to at least 5 other worthy bloggers . Do not risk the wrath of the zombie chickens by choosing unwisely or not choosing at all . And Melissa has presented me with a Happy 101 award . The rules are : List 10 things that make you happy Try to do at least one of them today Tag 10 bloggers that brighten your day Make sure to link back to the person that tagged you Ten things that make me happy : 1 . Long weekends ( staring at a 4 day one this week ! Yay ! ) 2 . Finding a good deal ( I will be doing this one today as I know where I can get cashmere scarves for $ 12 . 00 - great Christmas presents and one for me ! ) 3 . Shoes ( yes , they make me happy ! ) 4 . Blogging and blog - reading ( I 'm beginning to think I may need a 12 step program ) 5 . Sunshine ( of which a tiny bit is peeking through the clouds as I type - it makes me smile ! ) 6 . A good book . 7 . Cover Girl Outlast Lip Color ( it makes me happy because I only have to put it on once a day and it does NOT come off ! You know as much as I brag about this stuff they should either pay me or send me free lip color ! That 's a subtle hint Cover Girl ! ) 8 . My Blackberry . 9 . All my friends 10 . My little family ( when they aren 't trying to deliberately drive me crazy ; that is ) . Now , without further ado I pass bothEmail ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest But forgive me ; it 's been a busy day as according to Melissa I have been crazy posting today . What can I say ? It 's been really quiet at the office - so those voices just keep talking , talking , talking and need to get out ( no ! ! ! I 'm NOT crazy ; really ? ) 3 . You - because y ' all belong to my heart ; each and every one . ( sappy I know . But hey , a girl is allowed to be sappy once in a while . . . . ) 4 . Man - Child 's renewed interest in school ( i . e . , getting good grades ! ) - because do you know how many years I 've had to go through nagging him about homework ( too many to count and to many gray hairs obtained ) ? ? 5 . Wine . Need I say more ? ? For whatever reason , most of my bloggy friends are from across the pond , in various different areas . It 's wonderful as I get to get a glimpse into what life is like in different areas of the world . But occasionally , I am perplexed . Such as the time that Brighton Mum mentioned Scotch Eggs . Had never heard of them and was intrigued . When she explained what they were and how they were made I was baffled . So then , bless her , she found me a recipe and sent it - it then became clear . Also , she has given me insight into the schooling system over there . Apparently their children finish " compulsory " school ( read high school - I guess ) and then move on to college at 16 ! This one still baffles me . But it seems to work for them . On one occasion , I sent Chic Mama into a fit of giggles because after describing a therapeutic Reiki treatment ( of which I knew nothing ) she mentioned that the therapist would ring her next week . Me , being ever so curious , asked CM - what do you mean she 's going to " ring " you , I was picturing all kinds of things . Apparently , she meant that the therapist was going to call her . I 'm sure there are plenty of other examples of my " learning " moments over at her place , I just can 't think of them now . Am too busy blushing over the " ring " issue still . thatgirl39 at Forty Not Out presented me with this via one of her tweets . An American Dinner . Of course I had to ask . She informed me that is where each guest brings a different course . I had to laugh at that one . I guess it could be called that - although we call it Potluck . And just this afternoon , via a tweet , Fab In Your 40s stopped me in my tracks with this one , she was off to make Toad In A Hole . Of course , I replied immediately with WHAT ? Apparently , it 's sausages in a Yorkshire pudding ( not really clear on what that is either - I think I 'll just Google that one ) . So in addition to all the new friends I 've made ; apparently , I 'm also getting an education . See ? All the time I spend in front of the computer is making me Email ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest Sweater dresses ! I can 't seem to get enough of them . With leggings and boots . Fabulous ! Boots ! They go with EVERYTHING ! I will definitely be investing in at least one ( or maybe three ) more pair . Statement Rings . Really - how could you not love that ? Cardigans - especially the long and lean ones . Totally love this look . Skinny jeans . These work for me much better than boot - leg or flared jeans - which just make my short legs look … well , shorter ! Plus they go great with boots , heels , flats , etc . What are some of the trends you are in love with this season ? 3 comments : Well my , my . I 've reached 30 " friends . " How the hell did that happen ? Not that I 'm complaining , mind you . I like even numbers . Don 't ask me why , I don 't know . Always have . Could be something to do with the OCD problem that I have ? ( It 's minor . Well . . . . in my opinion ! ) ( What do you mean it 's not normal to have everything just so ? ? IT IS I ' M TELLING YOU ; IT IS ! ) So today ; Man - Child once again took me hostage in my car . Then proceeded to get pissy with me because I actually had errands to run . He informed me that he was not my personal chauffer . Really ? Then why the hell are you spending so much time with me ? ( It 's not like he was jumping for joy before to run errands with me ) He just wants access to my car . Do I really look like I was born yesterday ? ! ( Definitely NOT ! ) Anyway ; Man - Child has a school project that is due Monday . Surprisingly , he informed me of this on Thursday ( usually I have about 4 hours notice ! ) . So we have spent a majority of the weekend working on said project . I set up the initial page and had him deal with the remainder ( about 26 pages as he had to create a booklet from A - Z on the Scarlet Letter ) ( He actually did a VERY good job ! ) . I then had to shell out more cash for black ink ; because apparently if you don 't print often the ink dries up - EVEN THOUGH IT HASN ' T RUN OUT YET ! ( tell me this is not a conspiracy with the ink people ! I dare you ! Do you have ANY idea how many times this has happened to me ? ? ) . So in total ? We spent about $ 70 for homework . ( Not counting the time I spent " tweaking " it for Man - Child - cause , yes , my time is valuable and I count it ! ) . Oh . My . Hell ! ! ! When I was his age we did book reports . Plain and simple . Pen and paper . Now ? Apparently , a lot more is expected ( which is fine ; that 's why we are paying for this expensive education , right ? ) but come on ! What about those parents that can 't do all the " extras ? " I mean seriously ? ? Ink is NOT cheap ! Even if you get it from the recycled ink stores ( which , in all honesty . . . sucks ! So you end up having to buy the real stuff anyway ) . If he doesn 't get an A out of this project . . . . there will be hell to pay ! Hubby is completely insane . I thought I was the insane one in this relationship ! When did things take a turn ? Apparently , I mentioned ONE to many times , that we needed to dig up a tree stump so that we could replace the tree that died . Apparently , I mentioned this at 9 : 00 pm . Hubby then proceeded to dig up said tree stump ; immediately . I informed him that the neighbors were probably watching and possibly thinking that he was digging a grave ; he didn 't seem to care . I 'm tempted to completely hide out tomorrow just to see what happens ( if I 'm still alive by tomorrow , that is . . . . ) . But he totally rocks ; because he DID it ; in the dark ! There is now a dead tree stump in my garage ( why ? ? It would probably be happier in the woods ; I 'm just sayin ' ) ; so tomorrow we can transplant a tree ( and pray for it to live ; IF I 'm still here that is ; YOU totally know what happend if you don 't hear from me in the next few days ! ) . Apparently , driving at night TOTALLY freaks him out . I had him drive to the party he is attending tonight ( ' cause he has to learn ; right ? ) . I think he did 35 mph the whole way there . AND almost trashed a mailbox when an ambulance turned on it 's lights . Yes , I totally pretended to have a heart attack . He informed me that the flashing lights distracted him . I may not live to see him get his license ( pray for me ! ) . I totally bought these today ; although I 'm having anxiety about cash lately ; BUT in my defense they are totally CUTE ; totally on SALE and I had a COUPON ! How could I say no ? ? ? ? What I 'll wear them with ? ? ? Not so sure ; they aren 't quite " work " shoes . . . . but they are beautiful and they called my name . . . how could I say no ? And the conversation went on from there . Hubby assumed that Man - Child was angry and broke the computer and phone . Turns out that WASN ' T what happened . Apparently , Man - Child dropped the laptop and tried to catch it by grabbing the screen - not a good idea . He was yelling and cussing ( bad boy ) because he knew that he screwed up . And he was so mad at himself that when he yanked his phone from his pocket - it landed screen first onto the tile ; effectively screwing up his phone . Poor guy was having a rough night from the sound it . ( Thank God I slept through all this ! ) Off to Verizon to see what can be done about phone . Verizon folks are great . The guy told my son that since he told him the truth ( that he dropped it ) he would replace the phone free of charge . Good - no not good , EXCELLENT . And life lesson learned - it pays to be truthful . They seem to be very . . . . ( what 's the word I 'm looking for ? ? ? ) focused ? One is called ( I kid you not ! ) Owl Tattoos . Now , I 'm sorry if I 'm just old - fashioned ; but if you 've seen one Owl Tattoo ; you 've seen ' em all . Another one is called The Daily Nail . Can you guess what that one 's about ? Ummm , yes . It 's all about her manicure . Really ? ? ? ? ? ? Okay , i 'm sooo not knocking other people 's blogs ! ! ( Truly , whatever makes you happy . . . . ) But really ? Do these need to be deemed as Blogs of Note ? I think not . So , really ? What does it take to become a Blog of Note ? Because I have whole list of people who should be featured ! They are folks who have something to say . They are folks who are interesting . They are folks who I would love to meet in " real life . " After declaring yesterday , that I am a bad commentator ( or commentater ) ; I attempted to comment on the majority of the blogs I follow ( which really ? Isn 't that many ! ) OMG ! ! I have spent probably the past hour trying to comment . And not really even trying to come up with clever and witty responses . ( sorry - it 's Friday . It 's been a long week ; I 'm trying - give me some credit here ! ! ) And after the whole splog thing ( which those jerks STILL haven 't responded - dammit , I 'll get on that tomorrow ) where I spent the whole day researching that stuff . . . . I mean really ? If I devoted all my time and energy into this little blog - there would be no time for my life ! But by no means stop - even if I don 't comment know that I 'm reading ( voraciously ! ) and , at least , having comments in my head ( cause that counts - right ? ? ) So I guess I am officially " growing it out " ( only , what , two weeks in ? ) . : : sigh : : The growing out stage is the hardest . I 'm old enough that you would think I would know by know what " works " and what doesn 't . Honestly , does it ever get any easier ( hair , I mean ? ) First things first - my Blackberry . Really ? Why is it not updating my blog stuff ? It has my blog on there - but hasn 't added any of my friends or any of the blogs I follow . It updates what I write and your comments - but that 's it . It 's making me crazy . Maybe I should break out the tutorial cd . . . . . . that just seems like too much work though . I 've been rather quiet on the commenting side of things lately . Mainly , because I 'm trying really , really hard to stay off the internet at work . It 's not working so much . I still read ( quickly ) and then jump off ( before Big Brother notices ) with the intention of commenting when I get home . Guess what ? I have a short attention span ( and a memory to match apparently ) and then totally forget ( mainly because Man - Child is hogging the computer all the time ! Homework , my eye ! ! Does he really think I was born yesterday ? This is SOOO why I need my own computer for Christmas - somebody tell Hubby . ) ( Actually , come to think of it - this one was supposed to be mine ! Hmmm - wonder how they got a hold of it ? ? ) Got a bit of Christmas shopping done yesterday ( yes , via the Internet . . . . at work ( you busted me ) ) . But it HAD to be done . I 've been going crazy realizing how far behind ( I think ) I am . Why is it that ALL of the shopping falls to the wife ? I mean really - they are YOUR family ! ( Don 't you think you could at least give me some ideas , if not actually shop for them ? ) You ( acutally meaning you , dear reader and not Hubby anymore ) do realize that Christmas is little more than a month away don 't you ? How did this happen ? ? ? Last time I looked it was July ! The computer is totally pissing me off right now because I 've only had it out for for about 10 minutes and already the little battery icon - thingy is showing that more than 1 / 2 the power is gone ! WTF ? What is the point of having a laptop if you have to keep it plugged in all the damn time ? Really ? ? I mean I can type pretty fast - but no one can type that fast . Okay - I 've got it plugged in . Now I can slow down and think before typing . So everything before now ? Ignore because it probably doesn 't make any sense because I was under PRESSURE ! Man - Child has been in a really chatty mood today . These happen few and far between lately . It 's a far cry from when he was a little one and you simply could not get him to stop talking EVER . He used to tell you all kinds of stuff . Whatever was on his mind . Then he reached a phase where he would play this game ; what color do you like more Mommy ; red or pink ? Red . Ummm , what color do you like more Black or pink . Black . Green or pink ? Purple or pink ? It went on and on . He tried his darnedest to make me pick pink - because I was a girl . He played this game with EVERYTHING . Drove me batty . ( He was also very chauvinistic as a little guy . I 've done my best to beat that out break him of this - don 't know where it came from - he was born that way ; must be from his father 's side of the family . ) Then he moved on to his Game - Host phase . This was when Who Wants to Be a Millionaire first came on TV ( with Regis ) . He absolutely LOVED this show ( as he did most game shows - anybody remember SuperMarket Sweep ? His absolute favorite ) . Then it was constant questions in game show format . Actually it was kind of cute ; at first . Now we are at the phase where we have to drag every little piece of information out of him . Sometimes water - torture has to be deployed . But today - from the time he got up he wanted to have conversation . Real conversation ( that didn 't involve him or his personal life , of course ) . He wanted to talk about a piece we saw on the news the night before . He even turned the car radio OFF to continue this discussion . The conversation then moved on to choices and how they can impact your life . Choices about what classes he should take now to help him in college ; how some majors aren 't all they are cracked up to be and how you have to really think about what you choose to study in college - because it may not lead you down the path you would ultimately like to go . You know , kinda heavy stuff . It was great because I was able to impart what little wisdom I have without it sounding all lecture - y . Which I try hard not to do since Hubby does that soooo well . So well that we people have a tendency to tune him out ; I 'm just saying . Anyway , I just walked through the living room and overheard Man - Child and Hubby having an intelligent conversation about hurricanes and living below sea - level , etc . So , apparently Man - Child 's need for conversation has lasted throughout the day . A minor miracle . I am consistently proud of this child ( when I 'm not tearing my hair out over minor things like laundry piling up in EVERY FREAKING ROOM OF THE HOUSE ! Why can said laundry NOT find it 's way to the hamper ? ? ) but when he is in this mode ? I am most proud - because he CAN carry on a conversation ; logically and intelligently - with any adult ( just usually not us ) . It 's a glimpse of the man he will ( too soon ) become , if we can navigate these next few years carefully and successfully . But then , I have that niggling fear in the back of my head . I remember my cousin . She was soooo smart . She was on the right track . And then . . . . it all fell apart . Many , many issues came out . She became involved in drugs and alcohol . She was sidelined for YEARS . Thank God , she has finally come to terms with the issues and kicked the drugs and alcohol ; but when I look at all the years wasted before she has finally returned to the road where she was meant to be . . . . my heart breaks . She had a bright future before her . She had goals - she was going to be a doctor . Now . . . . she 's almost fifty . Yes , she 's graduated college and is going for her Masters ( I believe ) ; but what has the world missed - her dreams of being a doctor - totally sidelined . All because she deviated from her path . And it happened almost over night ( at least from what I can remember ) . And this is the deep fear that I have for Man - Child . Because yes , he is a good kid . Yes , he has goals and dreams . But all it takes is one wrong turn . . . . I suppose this is every parents nightmare that we shove down deep and try not to think about . Because it could never happen to our kid ( s ) . But it can , and having seen it first hand . . . . It makes me think about all the friends I 've made via the Internet . How I care for them ; think about them almost daily and hope that whatever issues they are having get resolved . It made me think that these faceless ( and in some cases nameless ) people are my friends . Yes , I haven 't met you ; or talked to you face - to - face - but through the internet I 've gotten to know you . Because , sometimes through writing we show our truest selves . I was sitting on the deck ; happily perusing some of my favorite blogs . The boys were out - it was a beautiful morning . All was right with the world . Eventually , I heard the truck pull up . Doors slam ( cause boys are loud that way ) . Eventually , Man - Child makes his way to the back deck . I have done a lot of research today on protecting my ( and your ) work . This article explains quite a bit . ( And yes , I checked his copyright notice before linking him here ) . Basically this article states that it is important that you put a copyright notice on your site for your protection . And that you don 't have to register anywhere to use the © on your work . The Berne Convention for the Protection of Literary and Artistic Works is an international agreement which governs copyright . According to this Convention ; copyrights for creative works ( which blogs are ) are automatically in force upon their creation - even if you do not declare it . As an author - you do not need to register your work in any country that has signed this convention . Parties that signed can be found here . But basically , I think most major countries have signed it . An important point to note from the Berne Convention is that your copyright lasts for your lifetime and 50 years after your death . Now I 'm sure you are all wondering what the big deal is - I mean it 's just a spam blog - it 's not like someone lifted my work and is proclaiming it for their own . Well , that could happen ( though really ? If someone were to want to steal words - there are better bloggers than me to steal from ) . But the problem with Splogs ( as they are commonly called ) is that they are fake and only created to try and get viewers to click on the ads in the site . Since somehow ( I haven 't figured that part out ) they work it to where their site comes up first when certain key words are searched on Google ( say … . Gigi 's Ramblings ) . This can be harmful to my reputation . How you ask ? Say one of you is telling one of your friends how witty and charming I am . They ask for the website address - but since it is far too long for any human to remember - you tell them to just Google Gigi 's Ramblings . They do and they come up with several of these splogs and never see my real website - which has been pushed to the bottom of the page - or heaven forbid - toEmail ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest I was trolling around on the Internet ; trying to figure out how some of you know what Google Searches are leading to your blogs . Does that even make sense ? I 've come across a few blogs where the authors have posted how some people have stumbled across their blogs through Google - and what the word search was that led them there . ( Yes , that 's clearer ) Anyway , lo and behold , look what I found : http : / / oldiesmusic . start4all . com / 2009 / 09 / 02 / gigis - ramblings - he - makes - me - laugh / # respond I don 't know who or what this jerk is - but he STOLE my content ! This is mine : http : / / gigisramblings - gso . blogspot . com / 2009 / 09 / he - makes - me - laugh . html Yes , the jerk garbled it ; but it 's MINE ! ! ! ! And you know what ? I didn 't even get attribution ! I 've searched the site high and low - and there 's no way to reach the jerk that I have discovered yet . I also found this : http : / / brokencontrollers . com / gigi - s - ramblings - the - games - people - play - t5630735 . php But at least these people list me as the " Source " and when you click the title it directs you back to my page . I 've done a little research - and apparently , at least the first one are called SPLOGS - I can only assume that means Spam Blogs . What their purpose is I don 't know . But if I can figure out how to hunt this guy down and hurt him ; I will . So anybody with any ideas on how to protect my stuff - without locking this sight down tighter than Fort Knox - please let me know . Because this really , really ticks me off . 6 comments : Oh the life of an office drone . It sounds so utterly boring , doesn 't it ? Well , let me tell you - life in the office is full of intrigue , innuendo , and other words that I can 't think of right now . Currently , our little department is fractured . Well , actually it 's been fractured since before I even arrived on the scene . We have our side of the hall and their side . Although our department head has publicly declared that we are not two separate departments - the rift continues and is perpetuated by not only them ; but the department head himself . But our little department isn 't the only one that is affected by all those words that have totally slipped out of my brain . Because of the overall lack of communication and the total lack of transparency from the top down - the workplace is swirling with rumors about being sold to our main competitor ; or that there will be massive layoffs since Mr . So - n - So was hired under the veil of secrecy . It goes on an on . And , of course , there are always the whispered conversations going on about who is sleeping with whom ; who is a total slacker ; the jackass ; etc . But right now the biggest issue going on at the office revolves around the coffee . Apparently , the powers that be decided to switch vendors to save money . That is all fine and dandy . Except for the fact that this vendor 's coffee is horrible . We have decided that this was management 's plan all along . Bring in nasty coffee and it will in turn cause all of us to quit drinking coffee ; thus enabling the management to cut the contract with the vendor and they will have saved tons of money by not having to buy coffee at all ( I can hear them cackling now behind their closed doors ) . They think we aren 't on to their evil plan . But being that we have been fairly caffeine - deprived for the last few days ( thus the reason that I can 't think of all the words I wanted to use in this post ) we have yet to band together to form a revolution . The one big flaw in their plan is that without coffee - our brains are slowly turniEmail ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest When I comment , I am an enthusiastic commenter ( or is it commentor ? Not sure , again too lazy to check tonight ) . And more and more I am finding that I post a comment with gusto . I hit post and then immediately hit close - because I am ready to move on to my next excellent read ( of which there are so many ! ) . Only to realize as the window is closing that word verification has popped up . Damn . My comment is gone . Unless I have the energy to go back and re - open the post and try to re - create my comment ( and you know - sometimes - that second comment just doesn 't have the right " zip " to it ) . Do you know how often this has happened to me in the past 24 hours alone ? ? With all that being said . As of this minute - word verification on this blog is gone ! Spammers be damned ! ( But really ? Spammers - here ? What is there to spam here about ? ? I don 't know ; I guess we will find out together and deal with it as the issue ( s ) arise . ) . Yes , yes . I have looked in the Petites department at every store I 've been in for the past 6 months . But apparently , some joker out there in merchandising ( or whatever the hell it 's called ) seems to think that putting a petite label on pants that are actually meant for the human of normal height is hilarious . ( Guess what bud ? SOOOO not funny ) . Anyway … . I had some time to kill at lunch today . I decided to run into Sears . Why ? I don 't know . I don 't even like Sears . I 'm not sure why . . . Oh wait , I do know why I went . I 'd seen their Sunday advertisement saying that all their boots were 40 % off . Uh , don 't bother - all their boots were ugly ( and cheap - looking ) . Anyway … . ( yes , I know I keep getting off - topic . Roll with it ) I wandered into the Petite department just to see . Because by now , I 'd totally given up . I was planning on buying pants that were too long and either shelling out the money to have them altered or take the plunge and try to alter them myself - which would pretty much guarantee that I 'd have to throw them away . But there they were ! ( Cue the angels singing ! ) Actual Petite pants - that were the right length ! AND even better they were on the clearance rack for $ 10 ! ! ! ! AND they even had the three basic colors I wanted . AND they had them in my size ! Could it get any better ? I didn 't think so . Needless to say , I grabbed them up and floated to the checkout counter where I informed the woman that they had made my day . This seemed to please her . She began to ring up my purchases and my day got even brighter . Because apparently everything on clearance was an additional 50 % off - so my $ 10 pants ? ? Yeah - now only $ 5 . 00 a piece ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I almost kissed her . But that would have been totally weird and I probably would have been banned from the store for life - which would totally suck since I now know where to find pants ( at least until that joker figures out he 's missed one place to spread his evil ) . Passwords . Really ? ? Do you realize how many I have ? ? All the important stuff that I should remember ( like the year my son was born or the year I got married ) has totally been pushed out of my brain so that I can retain all these darn passwords . Passwords at work ( at least 6 ; probably more - but I 've forgotten the less used ones ) ; passwords for my bank card ; passwords for email ; passwords for blogger ; passwords for online banking ; passwords for cellphone stuff ; passwords that I never even knew I had until I 'm trying to " fix " something ( which is real pain ! ! ! ) ; passwords for online shopping . . . . . the list goes on and on . I am constantly forgetting what site I 'm logging onto and invariably enter the wrong password - which then leads to cursing on my part . And once , really , I totally forgot the password to my bank card . Completely , totally forgot it . Couldn 't remember it ever again - it was GONE . Had to get a whole new card . That was a nightmare . So to all you hackers out there that have made all these damn passwords so very necessary . . . . . there is a special place in hell for you . . . . just so ya ' know . HTML code - really ? ? Do you have to be that damn difficult ? ? For whatever reason , I still can 't fill the date into that random box on my template . And the whole automatic date / time stamp that 's supposed to show up under all my titles ? So not there . And I 've checked everything ! If there 's anyone out there who actually understands HTML who feels pity for this poor little girl ; email me . I need all the help I can get . Really ? Fashion people ? I know I 've expounded on this issue before . But it bears repeating . " Petite " means that it is for short people ! Not short people with freakishly long legs ! ! ! Those people belong in the regular departments . Also , " petite " does NOT mean little old lady . Thank you . Now go do something about it before I totally freak out in a department store because I can 't find a pair of pants that are not at least 4 - 6 inches too long in the PETITE department and end up in jail for causing a public disturbance ( seriously ? ? It totally could happen any day now ; do you realize how long I 've been looking for pants that I don 't have to alter ! And it 's not like I am freakishly short or anything either ! ) . Hubby ? Man - Child ? You do realize that yelling at the players on tv really doesn 't do any good right ? They can 't hear you . Yes , I know I talk to the computer all the time ; but it actually listens to me ( although it tends to ignore me a good bit of the time . Yes , we have a love / hate relationship , the computer and I ) . The people on tv ? They can 't hear you . Yes , there is a difference . People with WAR IS NOT THE ANSWER bumper stickers . I agree . War is ugly and should be avoided at all costs - but really ? What 's your answer ? We were attacked . On US soil . A total act of agression - that we did not provoke . What did you think the response was going to be ? ( Yes , this is totally political and possibly inflammatory ( which is totally not me ) - but I really want to know - what is the answer then ? ? And if you have a great answer - get thee to Capitol Hill and tell them ; because I do want our boys ( yes BOYS ) to come home safely and soon ) ( and yes , I am again using waaaayyyy to many parentheses and italics . What can I say - that 's just me . ) ( and yes , I talk like this in real life - just ask Hubby . He constantly has a hard time following conversation with me ) ( I totally don 't get it - I know what I 'm saying - why can 't he ? Come on Hubs - keep up ! It 's really not that hard ! ! ) . 3 . I am grateful for the FABULOUS weather we 've had this weekend ( particularly after the monsoon - type weather we had last week - hey Mother Nature ? Can we keep this up for a bit longer , pretty please ? ) . 5 . I am grateful to have found this during our travels today ( yes , a bit materialistic of me - I know . Sorry - but I 've been looking for a statement ring FOREVER ) . No more . Now , it is constant - " Mom , do you need to go somewhere ? " " Mom , we need to run to Target . " " Mom , we need to go to the grocery . " I tried to sneak out of the house this morning . For some " alone " time . As I was applying my lipstick ( I should have run before then ! ) , Man - Child appeared in the doorway . He wanted me to come home early so that I could take him to lunch . Read between the lines to mean : he wanted to drive me to lunch and whatever other errands I might have . NOT that he really wanted to spend time with me . : : sigh : : I fear that any alone time I might have had is gone ! Do you hear me ? GONE ! Soon you will find me sitting in a corner ; rocking and eating my own hair . And it 's all because , I let him get his permit . Be warned , my friends ! Be warned ! She is a good person . A beautiful person . A person who has made bad choices in her life - and is living with the consequences of those choices . She admitted that she 'd been avoiding me . She admitted that she envied me . ( ME ? ? Of all people ? Truly , I 'm the last person I 'd envy ) She said she was embarrassed about what her life had become . It hadn 't turned out the way she 'd envisioned it so many years ago . ( Really ? ? How many of our lives have turned out the way we 'd planned ? If my life had turned out the way I expected , I 'd be living the high life in NYC ; instead of in the suburbs in NC ) I want to be her friend . I want to help her through her hard times . Do I have the strength and fortitude for it ? I don 't know . Her problems are large . But I will try . I will listen when she needs me . I will offer encouragement where I can . It breaks my heart that she is in the predicament that she finds herself in . As Hubby constantly reminds me ; I am a different person . I am ( in his words ) stronger and tougher than some . I don 't know about that . Even so it amazes me that people find themselves in these types of situations . All I know for sure is that I love this woman . Warts and all . We have been through so much together . Both good and bad . And I pray that I can be there for here when she needs me . And that she will get it all together and go forward - and find the life that she deserves . # Do you have a place at an NC beach that we can crash at on the cheap ? # Hook me up . # Please tell me that the dives aren 't that bad # first grownup job # we are so proud # wait . I 'm the mother of a working adult now ? # I 'm allowed to brag a little
|
My friend sent me Chanakya 's Quotes . I immediately thoguht of responses to them . I wrote back and thought i would post the responses here . . . Neethi in Tamil means Judgement . So you will see , a Neethi for every Quote of Chanakya . " A person should not be too honest . Straight trees are cut first and Honest people are screwed first . - ChanakyaMy Neethi : To maintain a log of the consecutive lies you said is difficult . You need to be smarter than SMART can mean . " Even if a snake is not poisonous , it should pretend to be venemous * * - ChanakyaMy Neethi : One day , your pretence comes out to the limelight and your true color will show up . " The biggest guru - mantra is : Never share your secrets with anybody . ! It will destroy you . " - ChanakyaMy Neethi : If you don 't share your secrets , you will never know anyone else 's secret and you will never have opinions of people . Opinions of people do matter , coz you never know which opinion will spark an idea in you . A good idea can make a lot of difference anyplace , anytime . " There is some self - interest behind every friendship . There is no Friendship without self - interests . This is a bitter truth . " - ChanakyaMy Neethi : Simple logic . You don 't go around making friends with everyone in the globe . If there are friends , then there is a duty that friends have towards each other . This is not a planned self - interest . Even if it is , it doesn 't matter as long as there is love binding the friendship . There is no bitter truth about it . This is the fact of Life . " Before you start some work , always ask yourself three questions - Why am I doing it , What the results might be and Will I be successful . Only when you think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions , go ahead . " - ChanakyaMy Neethi : Not always you will have answers to these questions , leave alone satisfactory answers . Just go ahead and do it as long as a second thought on it does not give you qualms . It is your duty to work your best and forget about it . The rewards will come when they have to . As soon as the fear appat : ) I asked this question to my friends yesterday during lunch at a restaurant . Here are the answers i got . . . I want to become a child again . Need not bother about finance , responsibilies , the right and the wrong . I want to become a child again , to lead a life with child - like qualities . . . . the money comes from the ATM machine and I dont have to think more about it . . . . I want to be a child who is grown up enough but not to the extent of taking responsibilities for anything other than examinations and tests at school . . . . Others i could think of . . . . I will ask for a long walk with God enjoying the scenic beauty around , in a beautiful country side . . . or forest . . . . I will ask for his / her autograph . . . . I will ask for his / her photograph . . . . No one has seen him / her till date . . . . OrI may not be able to speak at all . . . It will take sometime for me to recover from the pleasant suprise of seeing God . . May be the last point is what might ultimately happen . . . . : ) : ) I know this topic seems too much of a strain on your mind . . and very different from my usual writing pieces . Over the last week , I happened to meet some one online and believe me . . . . Those 30 minutes of chat on Yahoo messenger with her changed my way of looking at things in life . . It is not what she said that made me think about forgiving people . . it is what I felt made me change my way of looking at things . . . . Since that day , I am relaxed much more than ever before when it comes to people and their attitudes . . coz , I have learnt to say " These things happen in life " and " It is okay to Forgive . . . " Now why do I say ' Forgive for Good ' and not just ' FORGIVE ' ? ? That is because , when you forgive , you not only learn that you are No God to Forgive people but also learn that your blood pressure and tension come to a quick control . This way you no longer brood about why some one did / said something unplesant to you . In most cases , the same person would be shocked to note that you have actually not taken it as serious as it was supposed to be taken . In most other cases , if you forgive , you will note that what happened was purely circumstantial and if you were the opponent you would have acted worse or atleast pretty much the same way . In few other cases , for all you know the other person would not even have realised that you are hurt because of him / her . Forgiveness makes you realise that you have wasted so much of your energy or tears on something that could have been solved this quickly . Just forgive . . . You are not God the almighty who is all powerful . . . So , if you just take off that heavy burden of the past unplesantries from your mind through a simple ' Forgive you ' concept , Life would be Beautiful . . . . . every day , every moment . Ever wondered what it is like to be a life operator ? On a late rainy morning in my office lobby , I was seated with a ' Shatabdi ' of thoughts within my head . The Shatabdi express of thoughts was fuelled by the steaming hot tea in my hands . I was facing the door to one of the forever loaded lifts . As usual the door opened and people stormed out . . People who were seated with me in the lobby wriggled their way in . In the two minute load and unload interval , I caught a glimpse of the Lift Operator seated in the corner of the lift with his finger on the operator 's panel . Many a time I had wondered what it would be like to operate the lift for 12 hours continuously . That was the shift timing , he once told me , when i asked . He comes in at 6 : 00 in the morning and works till 6 : 00 in the evening . I recalled this fact and could not help wondering aloud about his plight and profession . My friend 's insights : If he is the type who likes to read and analyse people 's minds he will know a lot of information from the conversations that most often happen inside the lift . If he is the lazy type who likes to sit idle , then he would most probably enjoy the job . If he is the friendly type who likes to make new friends and meet new people , he will have friends in all floors of the building . Still , I am wondering if it is actually possible to handle the lift just the same way , with the same temperament , day - in and day - out . . . Not sure if i would make a good lift operator . . . with the kind of speed and change that i like to be revolving with . . . Hats off to the lift operator . . . Next time around , when I meet a lift operator , I am going to try and remember to flash a smile . . if not a smile , I would surely not put on a serious face and a ' I - dont - know - you ' face . . . . That is the least I can do to brighten his day and job . . . Some day , I would ask him what is his life as a lift operator like . . . What are all the questions that pop up in your mind when you think of a Birthday party ? I 'll tell you what all popped up into mine . . . What outfit should I wear for the day ? What time should I reach ? Will I be able to make it to the party on time ? Will many children be there ? Will I get to eat cake ? Will I manage to talk to people and move around in the crowd ? Will I miss the important call that I have been expecting all day , just precisely when the kid is cutting the cake ? Will the kid play with me ? Will I get home before it gets really late ? So many questions just for a Birthday party evening . . . I 'll tell u , all these were not required at all . . . Went in with a bouquet to greet my hosts . . ( I 've always felt that in a child 's birthday party , it is the parents who have to be appreciated . . . for all that they are to the kid and to the guests . . . ) Flowers are a way of saying , ' I know you are just wonderful ' . . . . : ) I just enjoyed being myself , coz the kids had so much fun in the party that at a point I forgot all my questions . . . There was the Birthday Baby - The " Center of Attraction " in party dress . . She was so scared sometimes of every pair of eyes looking at her . . . So happy sometimes that there are too many people around . . . The cakes , the people , the music , the baloons , the kids , the gifts , the camera , everything seemed to amuse her . . . . Then there was a kid messing up with the cake . . . I am not too sure if i ever enjoyed cakes to that extent in my life till date . . ( given that I am very fond of cakes ) Another was busy trying to get into a fight with a Jeans walah . . . Another smart kid was trying to teach me how to wear the face mask . . . I learnt it somehow but could not manage to get the names of all the characters on the different masks . . . A NorthIndian Dollie was wearing a Sharara , or whatever you call that Long Skirt and a complicated Top and Dupattah . . . She was trying to walk so fast that I almost tripped when I tried to catch hold of her . . . . One five year old danced like no body was around . . . . Spontaneous dance comes out so well , I tell youat Thanks to the movie crew of Lage Raho Munna Bhai . . : ) I got very good review comments of this movie . So decided to watch the movie . The show was screened at Six Degrees , Satyam Complex , Chennai . It was a very different attempt to teach Ahimsa and other values to all of us . The story , screenplay , dialogues , and direction were all tightly bound to the idea of conveying heavy meaning in feather - light scripting . There was lots to take home from the Movie theatre , not sure if all of us did . . . . Some of the points that I can coin from the story after about a week 's time are : 1 . A very small act or favor of yours can make a big difference to some one else . 2 . Respect Old age and the experience that comes along with it . 3 . Remember that you will grow old too . 4 . Remember everyone has a dream , wish , aim , and hope . 5 . Never underestimate the power of the others . 6 . Be sincere and fully focused on what you are doing to win . 7 . Express anger in an assertive manner . 8 . Understand that actions speak louder than words . 9 . Appreciate whole - heartedly . 10 . You never know how capable you are . 11 . Remember that you mean the world to people who care for you . Never forget to acknowledge and reciprocate . 12 . The Sea of life is never calm . You have to swim in the sea , fight the tides and keep fighting . 13 . Be ready to say Sorry and mean it . 14 . Be quick to Forgive . 15 . Refuse unplesantries both in give and take . I know there are lots more . . . But these are some of the points that I could trace . Nice movie . . And a wonderful way of teaching values to people than most other means . A fair mix of fact and Fiction , Lage Raho Munna Bhai is a super hit among the Chennaiites . Wonder if we will further get to watch such good movies . . . : ) Customer Support is the key point of focus in all successful business ventures . Almost all top organizations and business groups give a thought to customer satisfaction . I could see this point was well taken in one of the best jewelry Shops in Chennai . I had stepped into this shop to get a farewell gift for a friend . I wanted to get a nice gift , a gift that she could make good use of . To me , the ground floor of the shop was more of a well - lit airport , the central bus stand , or railway station to say the least . I was hoping that the second floor which housed the gifts would have some space for me to stand , leave alone select the gift . The Supervisor was very friendly . ( I am not sure of his designation actually . . . He wore a grey suit and looked different from the rest of the staff ) . I thought that it was one of those ' Customer Satisfaction ' moves that the Manager had chalked out . I elbowed my way to the second floor which had a lot of silver articles and gifts . After visiting every counter and doing the Silver Math in my mind , I confirmed that Silver and Gold are costly . If I liked the Gift , the Bill was high . . If the bill was just about right , the gift was not very pleasing . I glanced at the watch . I had already spent about 1 hour and 15 minutes and could not manage to find anything worth the amount I had in mind . : ) Not my fault . . . Silver was costly . . . Deciding on a gift voucher which my friend could always redeem at a later date , I asked for directions to the counter which issued gift vouchers . The Sales Clerk directed me to the ground floor . With a number of ' Excuse Me 's and sorries and stares from people who were visibly hurt because I stepped on to their feet , I managed to reach the ground floor . I was already exhausted and was mentally complaining why I chose this place for the gift . The same supervisor directed me to the counter that sold the gift vouchers . He said something to the uniformed guy next to the counter and walked away . I thought this uniformed guy would get me the voucher , but he asked me to be seateat I have been spending lots of money for the last two months . Not that I wanted to waste money , but situations demand that money be spent . Never really given it a thought until my friend and me stepped inside a restaurant yesterday for her treat . We chose the place because she was impressed its ambience , the last time she had dined there . It was 2 : 00 o ' clock in the afternoon . The ambience was impressive and place looked crowded . We managed to find seats and settled down to place orders for lunch . There was an old man in a typical rich South Indian attire ( Silk Dhoti , Shirt and Shawl ) having his lunch in the same bay as ours . There was a mineral water bottle on his table from which he took occassional sips . We ordered a bottle of mineral water too . . " Thanks to the Old Man " I said to myself . . . else I would not have cared to ask for Mineral water , given that the restaurant was popular and good and I am all flat for the paintings there . The food was tasty , but I noticed in the menu card that a lime juice in the restaurant costed 35 rupees . . . a little too high I felt . . Still , never bothered to tell it out , as I was intent on finishing my meal and getting home for a quick nap before the next programme on the cards for the day . We were enjoying the food and generally discussing the shopping we did in the morning when we heard the old man picking on an argument with the waiter . The entire hall stopped eating and talking . The old man was demanding an explanation for the mineral water charges in his bill . He felt that charging 25 rupees for a water bottle is too high when the nominal rate is 12 rupees . Any kind of explanation from the waiter did not seem to satisfy him . He asked to speak to the manager . When the waiter hesitated , he stormed into the Manager 's room to fight for the extra 13 rupees . The waiters smiled . . . That is all they could do . . . That is when it struck me , that we have also been paying exhorbitant rates for a nominal meal in restaurants all these days , but never bothered to question any one on anything , simplat Everyday is beautiful . . I agree . There are some days when you feel you cannot express your happiness . . . Yesterday was one such day . . . . I have always been fond of children , like most other girls . I took an instant liking to my friend 's daughter the moment he showed me her photograph taken on the day she was born . I could not stop wondering , ( I still have not . . . ) about the little Xerox copy of my friend . She is a ' Small Wonder ' to me . This was the same feeling I had when I myself mistook my Mom 's childhood photo for mine . After that point , this kid 's photo amazed me . . . So she and I became friends , really connected and close . Between the talks with my friend 's family members , I spoke to this darling little friend of mine . . . She seemed to understand some of my takes at things and I seemed to not understand a lot of her points . . . So you see , she won . She chose her toy , She knew when to go out for the evening walks with her parents and grandma , She knew to turn to her parents when things were just not right with her , she knew her grandpa is a great friend of hers , she knew there was a guest in the house , she knew when she had to keep quiet , She understood a ' No ' , She knew that ' A smile is a gentle curve that sets things straight ' . . ( If you are the observant kind , U will notice that a child smiles most of the times . . . and there is no equivalent to that innocence and the ' Joy ' that it brings . . . ) , She knew to differentiate appreciation , She knew to have fun , She knew to say ' No ' , She knew to get surprised . . . . She seemed to know all of these . . . . and a lot more . . . What all did I learn yesterday ? I learnt to Smile most of the times , Forget things that are supposed to be forgotten , Remember what I had to remember , Know what I wanted , Be a friend , Love unconditonally , Enjoy simple things , Observe unlimitedly , Reach out for the best always . . . U will not believe that this little kid reminded me of all these qualities . . . I guess all of us had these when we were children , but we unlearnt it over the years . . . Presumably after the introducat A child 's mind is more like a WYSIWYG ( What you See is What You Get ) editor . What the child sees is what gets into the mind . Such a WYSIWYG editor in a child 's mind carefully edited and saved all that happened in AVM Studio , Chennai about 20 years ago . AVM Studio was bustling with activity . Superstar Rajinikanth , the famous movie star of the tamil filmdom was busy starring in the shooting of a ' to - be - a - definite - superhit ' - movie . It was not very uncommon for the children of the producers , directors , artists to land up at the shooting spots to just have fun with the movie crew . The Producer 's son who had developed a major liking to his father 's profession , was also there at the spot . The heros , the stunts , the cameras , the sounds , the lights , the dances , the dialogues , the crowd and the tension , translated into one word - ' Fun ' , to this six - year - old . As he stood watching Super star in action that day , he got noticed by the hero . So after the scene was shot , Rajini came over to play with the boy . As the star and the child started talking , the child became friends with the Star very easily . So , after every shot , he started waiting for his friend , the Actor , to join him . As the most popular artist , Rajini always had thousands of onlookers who wait outside the shooting zone to catch a glimpse of him , to have a picture taken with him , to talk to him , and to get his autograph . On this particular day , there were a number of college students waiting outside the studio . The morning session was over and people were dispersing for lunch . The two friends were together when the Actor signed the Autograph books and took photos with the students . The little boy noticed an old , poor , and lame man sitting on a wooden plank with wheels . He wheeled his way along the opposite side of the road and tried to use his hands as support to get the wooden plank and thereby himself onto the pavement . With great difficulty he managed to get on to the pavement and positioned himself at the right place so he can see Superstar 's face . As the little at The crux came the last : Do you have a perfect balance between work and home ? In a perfect balance , your work does not disturb your home life and your home does not come in between your work life . Do you think his possible ? Rajini says : It is not possible as most of the waking hours is spent in the office and definitely some of the thoughts are carried back home whether or not he wants it . But the best part is he makes it a point not to vent out at home , so it does not really disturb the tranquil in his home . I hoped that there was a friend he confided in . Everyone needs a vent out . Madhav says : Experience reminds that it has to be possible . Except when the situation is very bad . . . . He realizes that there is no point in carrying work tension home and home tension to work . He shares concerns and opinions with his folks at home and that seems to relieve him of his constant tension , but the temper related to office tension is always under control at home . He agrees that the phone calls and mails from office are unavoidable . He ensures it does not disturb his sweet home . I could very well see that the responses were not made up to please the listener . Still , I had just learnt a management principle : Never Assume . So with great hesitation I managed to ask : Is your response to all these questions honest ? ' Yes ' came the response . : ) I knew it , still asked . It was 7 : 40 P . M . The sky was cloudy and dark as we walked out of the eighth floor . I was reminded of the line from Robert Frost 's poem : : The Woods are lovely dark and deep . . . And miles to go before I sleep . . . . ( In the context of Lots to learn in Life . ) Frost is Great , books say . . . . . . . . . . . Yes , and so are Rajini and Madhav , but in a very different and special way . I think the three of us had a great evening . Every body should take time to talk , you never know what all you will learn . People are really nice , we rarely take time to understand them . I had taken this session on 12th July 2006 , a Wednesday . Today is 3rd August 2006 , Thursday . I wrote this series in scattered concentratioat Friends . . . . Everyone has a friend . Proverb says ' Every enemy has a friend ' . What do these people feel about their friends . ? Madhav has a lot of good friends at work . Considering that he spends most of his time at work , he is happy about the friends circle he has . He says he will miss them for sure , if he steps out of the company some day . Rajini says he had a very good circle of friends back in college . Ofcourse , his work place has earned him a good set of friends too . With less time to have fun and confide , he seems to miss them often these days . Over the years , he has lost touch with most of them . He plans to take steps to renew the friendship and get in touch with his circle of friends . He has signed up on Orkut . com , the latest friendzone . Your Goals : It was a little difficult for me to take it when Rajini said that he did not have any major goal . Now this is one answer , I cannot take from any youngster . Everyone has a goal , mostly hidden . Till it happens it stays as a dream and when it works out , it becomes an achieved goal . I was determined to get the answer out of him . I promised that I would not laugh . You will be surprised to know that Rajini wants to Produce movies and act in guest roles in some of them . I was surprised in the beginning , later it dawned on me that work is different from what one 's passion is . I wished him every success to reach his goal and have asked tickets for the premiere show of his movie . He should definitely venture out on movie making someday , so the Tamil film - lovers can watch movies with a tint of ethical touch . One of Madhav 's dreams and target goal is to start his own company some day . He concentrates on people - skills to reach his goal post . He says ' The company does not necessarily have to be a software company . A HR consultancy is what he wants to own . A bill board of the news paper ' Business Line ' , put up in one of Chennai 's main roads says : Cubicles are assigned . . . Corner Offices are earned . . . . I am sure he will earn a number of corner offices all over the world . After all , we at Patience : I have always admired Rajini 's patience . It is said that programmers require patience . I asked if these Gurus also thought so . Rajini says that he tends to get angry and Madhav knows better . There have been times when anger has got the better of him , but since his principle of commitment comes in between often , he appears to be patient enough to handle it . Madhav says that every walk of life actually requires a certain amount of patience . At work , this is not a major requirement when things are organized . You may not have to get hyper about anything at all if work is process - oriented and if you have certain level of sincerity at work . He admits that there are times when things do not work out ( as it is in most situations , if Murphy 's law chooses to trigger off ) and patience becomes a mandate . To Madhav , the problems with the parking facility and lift breakdowns and other such out - of - context problems cause as much , if not more tension , than the mails , calls , issues , meetings , and the thoughts of all these piling up in the work desk every morning . To cut the long story short , office and environment do matter for a peaceful work life in his opinion . I have always wanted to know if people felt they are appreciated for what they are or have done at work . So I asked : It is a very important occasion in your office . You are on the dais because the success of a particular project is being attributed to you . Can you imagine this situation ? Yes came the answer . ( Felt glad . ) Both of them could imagine the situation . The office has not staged a show , but then these people have been appreciated for what they have done . They knew to acknowledge appreciations . The session shifted out of office topics for sometime . The next question was about their interests . There are times when I have seen them working when I came in at 8 . 30 in the morning and when I left work place at 8 . 00 in the evening . The next morning when you come in , you will see these people in the same posture playing with the keys on the keyboard as if they wereat The conversation was proceeding very cool . I had this clock ticking inside my head saying : " Deeps , you are taking a little too much of their time " . Still , I just went on , after confirming if the Gurus were having something to attend to immediately . I am sure they would have had something to take care of immediately , but then the conversation went on . When asked about the time each of them spent for themselves each day , Madhav said " about three hours roughly " . He was surprised when I said I had about an hour and a half only for myself , considering I was less busy than he was . Rajini said , he did not have much time for himself . He had about 10 minutes all by and for himself . He says he would improve on that when Madhav explained : It is important to take time for yourself , to do what you want to , the way you want to do it . Basically ' Live for yourself atleast once in a while ' would be the principle for a healthy , happy life . Madhav spends time for himself almost every day doing what he likes , movies mostly . These days spending time with his eight - month old daughter tops the list of his likes . Extended Work Hours : Rajini is sandwiched between work demands and time lines . For him extended work hours is all that he has been going through from the day I joined this office ( which is about two years from now ) . He says the commitment to adhere to the time line , however unreasonable it may sound , becomes important sometimes . Madhav explains that better processes and organized way of planning might reduce this kind of pressure at work . Lot of times there is very less one is able to do on management decisions is what he feels . I gave them a fancy situtation - Given a choice to swap roles in your organization , whose role would you take up and why ? Madhav quickly and calmly said that he is happy the way he is . Once in a while , it is important to pat yourself and appreciate yourself for what you are is what Madhav believes . As for Rajini , he is happy about the person he is . They clearly do not seem to like imitations . A thought from myat After the question on tagline , the conversation picked up quickly . I relied on my mental tape to record the conversation . I have stored the essence of the conversation and am trying to put forth what I heard as accurate as my tape has recorded . Since I am not sure of exactly recalling the entire ' One hour and twenty five minute conversation ' word - to - word , I would prefer to write this post more in the prose form than an actual interview . I don 't want to misquote . : ) Over to the interview . . . Opinion on Failure : The question was pretty abstract to both of them . I reframed : If some one does not perform in the team , what will be your move ? Madhav and Rajini share the same opinion on this : They talk to the team member first , find out the problem which stops him from doing the best , give suggestions to the team member , and ensure he is comfortable working on what he is assigned . If the team member still does not perform , he is given a chance to exhibit his skills in any other stream in the office . For all you know , the person might be a good performer in some other stream . They appreciate this flexibility of moving from one stream to another . Everyone is good at something . All it takes is to identify the plus point . According to Madhav , Attitude is important to work in a team . No one without Attitude gets through Madhav 's interview session . He says ' Even if the skill set of the person does not meet the expectation , Attitude has to ' . Rajini seconds this opinion . He is himself a person with an Attitude that one has to observe and learn from . Opinion on Success : The question was reshot back to me . According to me , Success is doing one 's best . Madhav wanted to know how I measure it . I said , " I do something , to the best of my ability and satisfaction . If I don 't have the luxury of really taking enough time to do my best , I say that it is not upto the mark " . Madhav 's turn : Rajini spoke for Madhav . It was nice to see how appreciative Rajini was about his boss Madhav . " He commits a date and that is it . Commitments and Promises are meant to bat The day seemed hectic at Madhav 's paradise . Well , there was nothing unusual about it . With Rajini and Madhav frantically working on their computers , I almost decided that the interview I was hoping to have with them that day , was not happening . I did not even want to ask them . The least I could do for them was to just keep quiet which is very rare . . . If you know me , you would admit that . Well , my favorite and tested saying : ' Expect the Unexpected ' proved true , for the umpteenth time , when Madhav actually asked me if I remember about the interview appointment that evening . Thrilled beyond limits , I readily re - slated schedules at my end and geared up for the interview . I had prepared the questions about a few months back with Rajini in mind , but then , thought it is okay to have answers heard out from both Madhav and Rajini on the same set of questions . There were just a few questions , as I had always seen them with their ' Busy ' tag on their forehead . I firmly believe that " if people are busy then do not expect them to be attentive when you talk " . So after ensuring that the horizon was clear at Madhav 's paradise I went over to talk . Rajini joined us with sandwich parcels presumably their evening snacks . On the 8th Floor of our office , over sandwiches , we settled down to talk . There were butter sandwiches , egg sandwiches and veg . sandwiches . Now , table manners and etiquettes demand that everyone around the table eats . Some book that I had read back in school or college reminded me dutifully . Don 't refuse anything point blank . Look for alternatives . [ Amazzzinggg memory power . . . ! ! ! ! that reminds you of things that do not concern with academics . I am not complaining , just ' thinking out loud ' of how partial the mind can be . ] I hate Butter and Egg and the vegetable sandwich was definitely not very tempting at the moment . Took a quick decision to taste Butter sandwich though I didn 't like it . Angel Etiquette smiled . : ) : ) : ) I smiled back secretly . Madhav and Rajini : I can write a whole new post on what I observed from these Gurus . at Exactly . . You are reading it right . . . I don 't know what to write . . . Right now , I am at work reading a document that does not make any sense to me . The writer in me wants to understand the content and write about it , but then the document stares me straight on my face with all its confusing points . . . When I repeat the line , I actually find that the fault is actually mine . . It is entirely my problem if the document 's points are confusing . Some one has put in the best of efforts to convey something . Obviously , there has to be a reason why some line is there in the document . It is upto the reader ( me ) to try and find out what it means . I think I am confused because of the heavy lunch I had in the afternoon which is draaaaaaaagging me off to sleep . . So the document is not making sense . I can relate this directly to almost all the books and articles we read each day . If our mind is clear we might enjoy every thing we read . Ofcourse we all have comments to make , but it does not mean that we can call some author or the book uninteresting . If we are not in the right mood , then anything we read will be Nonsense . . . The author writes it from a point of view that may or may not be same as ours . It is entirely his right to write what he wants to . If we dont understand something that someone writes , it is entrirely our problem . If we dont like something then it is entirely our opinion . When I criticise some write up the next time , I hope to remember this . I thought I would put it down for any blog traveller to read . . Again , it is entirely upto you to take it or leave it . . . If you choose to take it , you will not have to check your Blood Pressure as often as you might need to otherwise . During my visit to Kerala last weekend , I met an old man . I spent few minutes talking to him . His view point : All of us work on computers . In a computer , you run anti - virus software that saves your machine from virus related problems . You clear up your folders and arrange files once in a while . If there are files you do not need , you take time to delete them . If you are taking so much care to keep your computer clean and safe , why not put the same effort to keep your mind safe ? Your mind is your brain which is equivalent to a computer . Anything that happens within you is due to the brain and anything that happens outside gets straight into the brain . Now , if you choose to retain only those points that give u knowledge , happiness , confidence and other such positive notes , then ' your computer ' will remain healthy . Mental Health leads to physical health and happiness . On the contrary , anything that causes anger , worry , and other such negatives are to be deleted instantly from our minds . Keep reflecting . . . Until the next flash , Bye Ever been to a wedding where you have the invite but without the girl 's name ? That is exactly how i felt when my friend called me up to announce that he is getting married . He has given me the date , the place and said that i am invited for the wedding . He has also said that I may or may not know her . . may or may not get shocked to see her as his wife . . . These were the clues he gave me among others that i am pretty confused about . The point is , the very idea of attending a wedding knowing that you know both the girl and the guy , but are left with guessing the name of the bride till the date of wedding . . is exciting . My friend is one of the very few who can come up with such strange ideas . . . strange as it may seem , it is great if you try to imagine one such invite . I am still wondering if i should go ahead and guess . Why not go for the wedding and then wait for the bride to appear on stage ? ? Let 's see , will let u know about this experience and whether or not i could crack the Queen Code . Cool blue colored walls Soft carpet to match the ceiling colorDark colored drapes on the windowsA / C Fan Room freshenerCozy bedCozy blanketsSpongy pillowsTeddy BearsSoft musicPleasant Wall paintingNight lampBedside Table with a bright table lampA nice bookThese days people have all these , but they are unable to sleep . This whole picture - painted bed room flashed in front of me , when i was held up last evening in the bridge at Kodambakkam High Road ( one of the renowned places in Chennai for traffic jam and prolonged ' Red ' light on the Traffic signal post . ) . For those of you who are unable to imagine what Kodambakkam high road looks like in the evenings , i will try my best to picture paint this place here . A bridge that connects one busy cross road with the other . Both the signals have at least hundred vehicles waiting for the ' Red ' light to turn to ' Green ' . A hundred other vehicles cross the bridge . It is a two way traffic . This means there are two hundred vehicles approximately , crossing the bridge at a time . There are shops and office buildings on the roads parallel to the bridge . So if you are on the bridge you can see the first floor of shops and offices . The evening sun on July day , may not be as soothing to your skin as you want it to be . Chennai does not fall in the list of those cool climatic zones you know of . . . . There is a mosque , college , wedding card shops and all shops that you can practically think of . Then there is the perennial cell phone buzz , the vehicle horns , the constant yell of the people , and the cool chatter of the kids in autos coming back from school . You cannot miss one or two jam - packed Pallavan buses ( City transport is named Pallavan ) where typically every waiting minute ( is it ' hanging minute ' ? , because you don 't really get to find place to stand upright . Almost always , you will stand over some one else 's foot or if you are short , you have the luxury of hanging onto the holders on the bus 's ceiling . ) So , every minute inside the bus is spent yelling over each other , or grumbling about theat There is not much to say . . How easily we say this statement . . . How is work ? How is life ? How are u ? How is your son ? How is your daughter ? How is your new car ? How was the food ? How was the party ? How is the project coming up ? Ever asked any of these questions to any one u know ? i am sure you would have . . . . The answer would be one of these mostly : ' Yes , going on ' . . . . ' Hmmm . . okay . . . . ' ' Good . . ' ' Great . . . ' ' Fun . . . . ' ' Cool . . . . ' ' Fine . . . ' If u notice , most of these will not take more than 1 minute . . . and the same question is posed back to u . . and u also answer one liners . . . There are no open ended questions , no discussions apart from work . It is not because there is ' NOT MUCH TO SAY ' but because there is ' NO TIME ' . . . people rarely say that there is a problem , because it will lead to a question and answer session where you have to talk and waste time . . . this leads to unfocussed , troubled minds , which means more of loss in focus and more of troubles . . . Most of the times . . People are BUSY always . . . . I dont understand this logic at all . . You have 24 hours in a day , you have time for office , its people , its parties , its gossips , its interviews , its reviews , its meetings , everything related to it , but no time to enjoy the benefits of the money it gets u . Forget benefits , basic food and sleep is sacrificed for work . Why does this happen ? Sometimes i feel , people will eat better if the company pays them for eating and sleeping also . . . . well forget it . . what is the point in writing this in a blog and putting this up on papers and books . . . people have NO TIME anyway . . . That is the last line of the book ' Veronika Decides to Die ' by Paulo Coelho . Finished reading this book last evening . Book Glance : A gifted individual commits suicide just because she is gifted with everything she wanted in life . There is nothing interesting happening in her life , or so she thinks . Since she is just bored with life , she decides to ' call it a day ' to Life . She proposed and God disposed . She is saved and as per the country 's norms , is admitted in an asylum for ' recovery ' . She learns from the doctors that she has very short time to live on earth . Apparently , the unforgiving suicide attempt caused a serious problem in her heart . While she was there , she comes to know more about life and comes to accept the fact a little too late , that ' Life is a Gift ' . Insights on my mind from the book : Life is a Gift . Life is not as problematic afterall , as it seems to be . Live life to the fullest . Find yourself and Be yourself . Love yourself . As you wake up every morning , be thankful for another day of Life . After carefully reading through my article on ' Mr . Right ' , one of my friends actually suggested if i would some day write an article called ' Miss . Right ' . Not a bad idea . . . Let me try . . . Who is this Miss . Right ? Is she the kind who is honest ? knows to differentiate Love and Friendship ? can trust people once in a while ? can come out of a shopping complex without shopping for a rupee ? can cook a nice meal for herself ? can understand that career comes first for the ' Guy ' of her life ? does not complain when a preplanned outing does not happen because of the spouse 's work load ? can sacrifice her career for the family ? knows when to stop crying ? can talk when she has to ? manages to stay in touch with most of her friends well past college years ? can vent out her emotions ? knows that it is okay to forget appointments ? can stop bothering about her looks ? can stop advicing ? can take life easy atleast once in a while ? does not spend on stuff toys and dolls ? can accept the spouse as he is ? never complains on smoking and drinking ? can take work light ? can smile when everything goes wrong ? can take rest when it is absolutely necessary ? can stop worrying about tomorrow ? can grow up to understand men ? Does such a woman with all these qualities exist at all in this world ? Note : This is not a complete list . . there might be lots more . . My work demands that i have to stop here and get back to whatever i was writing . This is cent percent my personal opinion and i am sure you have your opinions . . : ) Life presents you with Problems along with solutions . . . Just as you have more than one way to solve a question in an examination , every situation in life also has more than one solution . Exams require preparation while Life does not give you that allowance . As it happens , you are forced to expect the unexpected situations in life and live through them to clear the exam of life . We also term it as experience . So when u say , I have a good experience in ' this ' field , it only means that u have been through enough problems and are confident enough to handle any such problem , if and when it arises . Coming to think of it , we all feel good , if our job resumes state ' Five ' years of work experience . Surprisingly , we don 't feel good at all if we are faced with a problematic situation outside our ' work ' . Our immediate tendency is to feel lost and disturbed about it instead of taking it as a positive challenge . For all you know , in the RESUME of LIFE , it probably will add a lot of value at a later date . . If you can 't think of a solution immediately , just remember , there HAS to be a solution . . . You are faced with it because u can solve it , else you would not be presented with such a situation . In a nutshell . . . . . . . Life is made up of problems . Life gives you very less choices when u are faced with problems but a number of attitude choices . You choose how you want to react to a situation . You don 't want problems , it only means you don 't want to live . . Another Flash crosses my mind now . . . . Each one is unique . Each one writes a unique ' EXAM of LIFE ' . No two question papers are the same . Even if the papers are the same , the comprehension level of each person is different . This presents LIFE with varied unique experiences for each of us . Let us try to understand LIFE better with each passing day . . . . Excuse me . . . . . I will be back in a moment . This is from a bright cell phone newbie . . Haachhooooo . . . . . . . Excuse me . . . . . . Haacchhh The sneeze shook everyone in the office to reality . . . Excuse me . . . . . I have a doubt . " Why is the . . . " . This fellow goes on and on with questions between the meeting where every one else is trying to ward off sleep . Excuse me . . . . . I made a mistake . A ' sincere ' junior . Excuse me . . . . . . Come again . A ' serious ' learner . I can think of a lot of instances when we use the words ' Excuse Me ' . Still I cannot think of one reason why my senior friend didnt say this to us when we were busy solving an English crossword . Over to the office desk . . . This friend of ours had apparently been waiting to talk something technical to us for a very long time and all of us were busy trying to solve an english crossword puzzle . He never said ' Excuse . . . . ' so we never got the chance to notice that he was around . Unfortunately the issue he had come to discuss with us had been testing his patience since morning . After all the hard work over it , he wanted a one - minute clarification . I looked around casually trying to solve one of the questions when I incidentally saw him waiting right behind us waiting for one of us to look back . We shifted gears quickly , got the job done for him , but then . . . . . . All he needed to have said was ' Excuse me ' to avoid the impatience that usually accompanies the long wait to meet some one . . He didn 't say and we didn 't know . So the next time you want your job done , remember to say ' Excuse me ' . . . . . ' Speed thrills but Kills ' said one of the signs near a traffic signal . All I could think of was ' Speed thrills but fools you ' . If you are wondering what I am trying to say , it is just that I just learnt this morning that I am not as smart as I claimed to be the day before yesterday evening . The day before yesterday , I was confronted with a question from a friend asking me if I think I am cute . Very interesting question actually . I hate to admit the fact that all of us lose the ' cuteness ' in ourselves once we are out of the ' Innocence ' . As you might have realised by now all of us are well out of innocence and smart enough to understand lot of things . . . So I thought ' Smart ' would define me better . I told my friend that I am Smart . . . . . Obviously God heard me . . . all boastful of myself . . . and He in fact acted upon the line immediately , as immediate as yesterday morning . . . As usual my day started slow , waited for the energy of the morning cheer to flow in , and picked up speed when I did my usual chores . The smart person that I thought I am I would definitely not miss out on cooking a detailed meal for myself . Besides I packed my lunch box , got ready to go to work place , said hi to the ' Good God ' for all that he is to me , practically stuffed my breakfast that I had made , closed all the doors and windows , switched off all the fans and lights in the house , plugged the mobile phone off the charger . . . ( not forgetting to pull the charger off the plug point lest any ' incident ' occurs ) , cleared the kitchen and sent things straight into the fridge , checked if I have closed the stove 's knobs , carried the cheque to pay my dear Mobile phone service provider ( The company is dear as long as you pay your cheque ) , locked the door , pulled the lock once or twice to check if it is actually locked properly , and finally leapt out of the first floor along the flight of stairs as if I was a Gymnastic professional in Olympics . I jumped into the auto as usual and headed straight to the bus stop where I caught up on a phone call that I was suppat I know blogs are to have what YOU write . . . . . . . . . I think Blogs can also hold what you LIKE . . . I am posting content from an email forward I received from my friend Arul . All credits to the writer whose name is Pravin . . You would have read his work at pravsworld . com . I give him all credits for this write - up . Lots of appreciations Pravin . . . Even if you have come across this content in your emails , I am sure you will agree that this is worth a second reading . . : ) = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = I 've learned that no matter what happens , or how bad it seems today , life does go on , and it may be better tomorrow . I 've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he / she handles a rainy day and lost luggage . I 've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents , you 'll miss them when they 're gone from your life . I 've learned that making a " living " is not the same thing as making a " life . " I 've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance . I 've learned that you shouldn 't go through life with a catcher 's mitt on both hands . You need to be able to throw something back . I 've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart , I usually make the right decision . I 've learned that even when I have pains , I don 't have to be one . I 've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone . People love that human touch - holding hands , a warm hug , or just a friendly pat on the back . I 've learned that I still have a lot to learn . at If u have noticed , in crossword puzzles , in the beginning , no answer you think of , will fit into the grids . . Then you take the clues one at a time and try to solve them slowly . . . . After a while , you feel that something is just not right , but still go on . . you don 't think why a particular clue is given . . you just go ahead , try your best to figure out what it means and fill the grids . . In the end , you are amazed that all the Grids are full and the cross word puzzle fits perfectly well . . . . and of course , it brings a feel of learning and triumph . Life is more like a network of Problem - Cross Word puzzles . . . . There are a lot of Grids in each Problem Cross Word . . . There are lot of Confusions , Trials , Mistakes , Learning , the Clues , and the blind faith on the basis of which you follow the Clues . In the end , after you manage to solve the problem , you gain a new perception and a new strength like never before . Some times , you find that the problem was never meant to be a problem . It would have opened new rays of hope and strength in your mind . Everyone wins the Networked Cross Word of life . . . There is no failure here because the puzzle is framed uniquely for every person , much within the capability of the individual , to stand all the challenges . . There is no chance of copying , rating , score , or speed comparison . This is because the Cross Word is not common . . . There is no platform to compare . Keep putting in your best to solve all the challenge grids with the clues presented by Confidence , the most reliable resource . Just remember , YOU CAN STAND IT ALL . . . Smile . . . . . . In the Kingdom of God , a major decision was taken this morning . God decided to make you invisible for the whole of tomorrow . You get an email on the decision . No one will be able to see you but you will be able to see every one around . You cannot speak to any one , but can hear every word that any one speaks . How do you plan to spend the day as ' Invisible Man ' or ' Invisible Woman ' ? How best will you make use of this opportunity ? Send in your fancies as comments on this post . Have fun . Your imaginations can run really wild , but run a censor on what you write . . . We all care for the ethics of this blog . Dont we ? ? : ) Start your Imagination Car / Bike / Horse / Camel / Jet / Plane / Rocket / Anything else that would define the speed you enjoy . Thanks a lot . Take a little time each day to . . . . 1 . Pray for your loved ones2 . Admire Nature3 . Appreciate whole - heartedly4 . Greet your acquaintances as you walk past them5 . Learn something new 6 . Respond to your e - mails7 . Share a Joke8 . Recall appointments with people9 . Plan your calendar10 . Maintain promises11 . Listen to a friend in need12 . Speak to your Loved ones13 . Say ' Thank You ' 14 . Read few pages of a book that interests you15 . Listen to Music16 . Understand people17 . Count your Blessings 18 . Spend with your ' SELF ' These thoughts just sprang up on my mind when I was just finishing a technical document . I have no idea why , but then i think these eighteen points are worth a try . How often do we realise the importance of response to an e - mail communication ? Only when there is a major problem or when there is an appreciation or when your opinion is explicitly asked for . Admittedly these three contexts are good reasons for you to write back to e - mails but there are other reasons you could possibly consider . Some one has actually thought of 1 . Sending you a mail2 . Addressing you by name or as Dear3 . Spending time on the e - mail message4 . Wishing you well or saying ' Thanks ' or ' Good Day ' or ' Thanks and Regards ' as a sign - off lineIn group emails , apart from the content of the email , your name in the mailing list and the time that the sender has invested in writing the message are two good reasons for you to respond to the email . This idea applies to cases when you dont write back because you dont have time . . This does not apply to situations when one deliberately avoids writing back to emails . I have no comments on the later case . Watch out for the next article on the e - mails in the next post . Hi , This is something i wrote for a newsletter that never came up . Ideally this article takes the credit of the first set of lines i have ever written outside my profession . I spent about half a day putting these ten lines in place . Not sure if it would really take that long , but i think i took extra care because the world was going to read it . . . So now that i have a platform to publish it , thought i would very well put it up here . . . . . . . . Check list to having a great day at work : Do you • Say a cheerful " Good Morning " ? • Say " Please " , " Thank you " and " Sorry " and mean it ? • Count on self - confidence ? • Believe that " Mistakes do happen and it is okay to make mistakes " ? • Forgive and cheer yourself when things go wrong ? • Believe that problems could be " interesting " ? • Define fun as " solving interesting problems at work " ? • Try to do your best even when you don 't feel like it ? • Know when to take a break from work ? • Think of " Work " at Work and " Home " at Home ? • Wish someone " Have a great day " ? If your answer to all of these is " Yes " , then you are sure to " Have a great day " TODAY and EVERY DAY ! ! ! All firsts have an importance . In those lines , this is my first interview for the book i dream of writing someday . . . . . . . . . . I typed out around 35 questions and took it to this Miss . Busy friend of mine who had given me an appointment to talk to her on Work Place or Paradise . Now , for those of you who wonder why should i take appointments , u forget that i am starting out as a writer and would need people 's attention completely when they talk to me . I dont want to land up at their desks at the wrong time . I better start out professionally where you talk for the appointed number of minutes to the appointed person at the appointed time . Lot of people think that i am being formal though . The questions are on the lines of work life and personal life of a person . She is a sincere , dutiful , responsible programmer of a team which is forever motivated by ' Work is Worship ' proverb . A good morning wish cheers her up . She takes her mistakes seriously , is not a perfectionist , and has a mix of ' Easy to satisy ' , ' Hard to manage ' and ' Quick to get tensed ' attitudes . Music , she says , keeps her cool . She sleeps for five to seven hours a day . The rest of the day is all about work mostly . Programs ( Sequel queries in particular ) are theheros of her dreams . When asked for an instance of heights of joblessness she tries hard to recall one such instance and finally replies ' NONE ' . That simply means sheloves what she is doing . Some of the interesting questions from the interview and the exact answers i got for them are here for your glance : Your ideal day at work : SmilesDoes walking into the office cheer you ? Smiles again . Your weekend : Sleeping at homeIf you were asked to give a tag line for yourself what would that be ? Soft and ReservedIf given a chance to change your career what would that be ? Any career related to computers that allows a balance between work and home along with an ample money to lead life . If given a chance to swap a role within the organization , whose role would you like to take up ? I would not be able to answer about the swapping , at My article on ' Work Place - A Paradise ? ' begins like this : Work Place … . It could be a paradise , if only we want to make it one . For a few people it identifies as a place that gives as much happiness and peace of mind as would any other hobby . For most others , it is a place to which they come and go just because a bank balance is credited at the end of the month . Which of these sounds better ? I am sure ' The Paradise ' sounds better than just another ' Place ' . The article and the conclusion that we will be able to draw from it would require opinions on a few points from interesting people i come across . My blogs will have such interviews on and off for all of us to analyse . Let us believe that the friends I interview , speak the truth . The questions pivot on Work Place and Mind states of the people . Later , when i have spoken to a definite number of people , i plan to close the article with excerpts from the interviews . Towards this end , i have spoken to one of my " ever - willing - to - help " friends and colleague . She is fortunate to work for one of the best teams of the company . I hope to catch up a conversation with the other team members and leaders some day when they find " Time " to tell me about their success as a team . Will post the interview later . have some work to do now . at I was seated at the window seat of Coromandel Express bound for Chennai . It was 6 . 45 A . M and i had just boarded the train from Vizag at 4 . 45 A . M . It is very difficult for me to get a sound sleep during train journeys . The same must have been the case for the old man who was sleeping on the lower berth in the same compartment . He was looking around to find everyone sleeping except me . I was enjoying the scenic beauty around me . Practically in my own world of thoughts outside the box of life . . . . the kind of thoughts and joy you find when u are watching a ' manpasand ' scenery . . . Now if u notice , i have used a Hindi word . . it is because of the Conversation that the old man started off with me . . . Some of the topics that we covered were My Job , Importance of Hindi , Tirupathi and Lord Balaji , Career , Salary , My wedding , My expectations about my life partner , Agriculture , Difficulty about studies and learning something , Eye hospitals , Chennai , mangoes , Andhra Pradesh , How easy or difficult it is to learn a language , Why tamil is not easy to grasp , and finally closed with " Dahej " or Dowry . . . . . He had been an agriculturist , couldnt let his daughters study college , as college education for a girl results in more " Dahej " which he couldnt afford , and about which this person feels bad till date . . . . . After this talk with him , i recalled for the umpteenth time , how lucky i am in every way . . . . Not many times we do realise how gifted we are . . . The conversation with this person helped me realise this . . . . . . I resolved never to complain about anything . . . . For i think we are all gifted to have more than this Old man 's family . The best part of the entire conversation was this : " Do your duty putting in the best of your interest and do not wait for reward . . . It will come to you when it has to . What you think is right may not be actually right and you never know tomorrow . There is a reason behind everything " . I have heard all of these many times and have some of it registered on my head , but then it was amazing to to hear it from a stranger what I met a potter . He was skilled at crafting every little bit of clay into beautiful pots of various shapes and sizes . I learnt never to ignore anything in my life . . . . I met a weaver . He was weaving a beautiful silk Saree for this famous shop called ' Sundari Silks ' in Chennai , Tamil Nadu , India . He crafted his designs for the saree on a graph paper and fixed the threads on the loom accordingly . In minutes , there was a beautiful swan design on the saree 's border . I learnt that his knowledge of Graphs and concentration was more than mine . . . . . I came across a palm reader . I learnt that her ' tactics ' in people handling was more than mine . . . . Should ask Srijith , my friend about what was it like to have your future read . . I must admit that he was bold . I met an artist . I was amazed at how confident he was about his strokes on the fabric , that could very well qualify as a curtain cloth . I learnt that his ' patience ' was more than mine . . . . . I learnt that inspite of the fact that all these craftsmen were more ' qualified ' in terms of all these skills , they are never rewarded as much as I am . I could not help wondering about scores of my folks from the software industry who work mostly without any of these tactics in their personal as well as professional life , and who are invariably paid more than these craftsmen . - Mindspeak - On a visit to Dakshin Chitra , ECR Road , Chennai on 11th March 2006 with my friends from office . If you are quoting content from this blog anywhere , do let me know at twindeepa @ gmail . com . Thanks . . Awesome Inc . theme . Theme images by molotovcoketail . Powered by Blogger .
|
I 'm not a huge fan of cranberries - - the twice - a - year experience on the Thanksgiving and Christmas buffet is fine with me , and cranberry - flavored things always seem too tart , even when modified by raspberry or lemonade . But I do love how they look - - the small nuances in color from pink to coral to , well , cranberry ! to dark purple . So on impulse , I bought a small bag of them at the market while shopping for green beans and mushrooms and pearl onions for Thanksgiving , and this morning I threw a handful on the table on my patio so that I would have not just the cranberries but some dramatic shadows to paint . I had some happy accidents with the bleeding into some of the shadows , while others of them got away from me , but for a 30 - minute endeavor , start to finish , I was fairly satisfied with my result . I saw today 's prompt from World Watercolor Group ( " Stuffing " ) and thought , Oh , how boring , a 13x9 pan full of breadcrumbs , who wants to draw that ? So I decided not to paint today . Then , when I turned off Netflix at 11 : 00 , I suddenly thought , Oooh , but the ingredients ! They say you can tell what region of the country you come from by what you call your carbonated beverage or soft drink . Is it a soda , a pop , or a Coke ? ( Or do you go old - school and call it a tonic ? ) There was actually a survey conducted on this at one point , and then two guys from East Central University in Oklahoma made a map , which I found interesting to look at in comparison to the political maps of the country we 've been staring at for the past couple of months : I was an enthusiastic consumer of soft drinks in my youth ( I started every early morning in college by popping the top on a TAB and taking a swig ) , but the caffeine and sugar or , worse yet , the artificial sweeteners made me ban them from my life decades ago . Now , I enjoy an occasional root beer , or even more rarely go out of my way to buy a new - fangled soda with natural ingredients and flavors more pleasing to the palette than Coke . Since root beer isn 't as fun to paint , I chose an IZZE Sparking Blackberry as my subject matter . And no , there is no alcoholic content , even though the bottle is the tiniest bit tipsy ! Just for comparison , here 's a continuous line blind contour that I did of a similar bottle back a few years ago in Brenda Swenson 's workshop . I realized this morning that I haven 't drawn or painted anything for weeks . I spent the week leading up to the election plagued by nerves , the week after it in shock and denial , and this past week alternately depressed and outraged . At first , every time I thought about drawing or painting , all I could dredge up was either " What 's the point ? " or " I have more important things to which I need to give my attention . " But . . . that old adage about taking care of yourself first has merit , and one of the things that keeps me sane and on an even keel is making art . So , I pulled up World Watercolor Group 's list of prompts for November and painted me some beets . I 'm not a big fan of eating them , but the colors and shapes are appealing . I 'm going to get myself back to a regular drawing and painting habit . Because if art doesn 't matter , what does ? Last night the organization had its big fund - raiser , called the Secret Art Show . It 's a one - night pop - up art gallery , at which they exhibit 4x6 - inch pieces of art made by all different kinds of people from the Burbank community - - students , amateur artists , professionals who work at the studios , illustrators ( such as the lovely and charitable David Shannon , of No , David ! picture book fame ) , celebrities , whoever wants to contribute . There 's also a buffet , a silent auction , and some arty stuff happening on the spot . It 's fun , and quite festive . The " secret " part is that you have to pony up $ 40 for a piece of the 4x6 - inch artwork before you learn who painted it . It 's a little scary for we artists , who wonder , " Will anyone want my little scribble badly enough to spend that kind of money ? " But it 's all about funding the non - profit to make sure kids get to make art too , so everybody seems to play along . I ended up making them a bunch of pieces - - they kept extending the deadline on receiving art , so I kept making more of it - - so my final contribution was these 11 . I know for sure that at least one was purchased , because my # 2 boss at the library was there , and told me she had bought one she thought might be mine . ( I hope she bought it because she really liked it rather than because she knew I made it and didn 't want me to suffer from embarrassment ! ) I 'm glad I took the workshop , but although I learned a lot , the thing I took away from it was that it 's time to quit taking workshops . Not because of anything that happened there ; Iain was great . He shared a lot of knowledge and technique , and was laid back and helpful . Iain 's techniques bore some resemblance to Paul 's , in that both of them start with a light wash , either smooth or variegated , and then build on that with a middle ground , middle dark , and a foreground darkest dark to highlight a focal point . They are both planners , but while Paul 's planning seems to take place more on / during the actual painting , and he considers specific steps in great detail , Iain 's planning takes place mostly in his sketchbook , where he does multiple layouts until the composition pleases him . Then he transfers the sketch to watercolor paper , still adjusting as he goes , and once he picks up a paintbrush , things become a lot more spontaneous ( and also a lot harder to duplicate ) . This is a long view of a landscape in Pals , Spain . Off in the distance is water , with Catalonian islands emerging from it . In the middle ground are buildings , trees , and fields , and in the foreground , a bunch of trees rise up in front of the viewer . The goal with this was to teach background - middle ground - foreground in terms of value intensity , in terms of attention to specific detail , and also to show layout - - how you have to balance the elements in a painting ( placement of the buildings , direction of the fields , roads , and trees ) . This isn 't the demo Iain did in the workshop ; that one was even more monochromatic in terms of color than this one was , and we dealt with fewer buildings . But it 's the same scene . Here is my attempt . ( Some of the left side is cut off , due to the capacity of my scanner . ) While it 's not horrible , and in fact a couple of people complimented me on it , it 's a textbook example of what I came to realize , after spending three days with Iain only two weeks after spending three days with Paul Jackson : What I need is not another workshop , but a regular , disciplined approach to painting . I need to make many , many paintings ! I spent much of the three days frustrated , not because I didn 't understand what he was doing , but because my eye and hand just wouldn 't duplicate it . And it 's not because I 'm not capable , it 's because I 'm not practiced . Using this as an example : The islands and sky are too dark for background , as are the trees just in front of them . The church on the right should be bigger than the house behind it , because it 's much closer to the viewer , and the villa on the left should be twice that size , so that you have the sense of the scene moving forward towards you . The darks in the mid ground are also too extreme , so that what you have instead of a graduated scene of less detail to more detail and less intensity of value to more intensity , is a series of stripes of light and dark . ( We won 't talk about the tree line in the foreground at all ! ) So the truths I discovered from this exercise were : I don 't use my sketchbook to think out what I 'm going to do . I don 't sketch much at all ! I don 't spend a lot of time planning things out , or considering what elements need to be balanced with other elements . I don 't have a good grasp of perspective and planes . My judgment is not good when it comes to light , medium , and dark gradations . I don 't have good control of brush , color , or water . I haven 't developed the judgment to know when the brush is too wet or too dry , or which colors to use to mix what I need . And if I want to be a good watercolor painter , I need to learn to make snap judgments as I go , to be fast enough so that the " bead " doesn 't dry up on me before I can work it smoothly down the page . In short , what I had to face this weekend , which made me so uncomfortable that I actually left the workshop early on the third day by making a lame excuse about having to go to work ( yes , I need the practice , but doing it in front of other people was getting to me ) , was that while I have nascent skills that include drawing and color sense , without a regular practice , I 'm not going to improve . I enjoy making my contour drawings and using watercolor to enhance them , and I 'm pretty good at it ; but compared to what the serious artists whose work I admire are doing , I 'm just noodling around . While there 's nothing wrong with that , and while I will keep doing that , it 's time to make a plan for a life as a painter that includes daily attention . I don 't know whether I 'm ready for that yet , if I 'm completely honest . So I 'm not going to make a bunch of resolutions here , only to break them . I 'm just going to know that I now have the knowledge , and when I choose to do so , I can develop the skill . But I have to want it . I hope that I 'll have great things to post on this page someday that let me take myself seriously as a painter . Until then . . . I 'll keep noodling around . So , although this was not my art plan for this afternoon ( I was going to finish my Paul Jackson " masterpiece , " which has been languishing ) , I decided to make her a new version of it . It 's a crucial time to do so , because it 's a painting of asters from my yard , which only bloom for about three weeks in October . So I cut some ( avoiding dozens of bees in the process ) , put them in another clear glass jar like I did the first time , and set to work . The first one , which I did on sketchbook paper , was drawn with a black Micron pen , and then watercolored . For this one , I decided to just draw it in pencil , for a more natural look , since I was doing it on good watercolor paper . But after I got done painting it , it seemed a little lackluster , and also I accidentally washed through parts of it and it became blurry , so I went in afterwards with a sepia - tone Micron pen ( not as obvious as the black , and nice with the color scheme ) to do some " accents " and outlines . Well , the plan for today was : Go to the chiropractor , eat breakfast , do some chore - type things , make a new watercolor palette , and finish my giant painting from last weekend 's workshop . I did the first and the second , did a little painting out of order with my old paints on some postcards , and then . . . I took a nap . A three - hour nap . I guess a three - day art workshop preceded and followed by a five - day work week makes you tired ! Paul has plans to develop five more colors , he says , because his favorite palette has 24 slots but he made 19 colors . My new palette only has 20 slots , however , so it was perfect for this project . . . with one exception . Upon consideration of his 19 colors , it becomes apparent that Paul is one of those artists who believes all greens should be mixed . I mostly tend to agree with that , because mixed greens are so much prettier and more flexible than flat colors straight out of the tube . Last Sunday , I drove down to San Pedro to see a demo and lecture by Paul . I was familiar with his work on Facebook , primarily because of his amazing 5 - foot by 10 - foot painting of the chain bridge in Budapest ( below ) , so I was excited to see his lecture . I knew he was giving two workshops this week , but I didn 't sign up for either of them , because in two weeks I am taking my mini October vacation ( four days ) and had already signed up for a watercolor workshop with Iain Stewart , and I figured that was stimulation enough , plus taking extra time off seemed problematical , and did I really need to pay for another workshop right now ? After seeing his lecture , I went to work on Monday and asked for Friday off so I could take his second workshop on Friday - Sunday . It 's called " Reflection , Translucency and Transparency , " which is basically about painting glass . . . but it 's so much more . It 's really about how to work with watercolors to make them do what you want them to do . The reason I found this workshop so much more amazing than any I 've ever taken before was that everything Paul said and did turned everything I ever thought about a workshop on its head . I have complained here in the past about going to workshops and always encountering those students who persist in asking the teacher , " What kind of paintbrush are you using ? " " What kind of paints are you using ? " " What kind of paper are you using ? " It really bugs me , because it always cuts into our workshop time , and I want to say to them , Bah on your magical thinking ! Painting with the same tools and materials is not going to make you another Keiko Tanabe , or another Frank Eber , or another fill - in - the - blank . It 's painting every single day for years , striving to improve and learn and grow that does that . Materials are just materials . Paul Jackson convinced me I am wrong . ( Not about the practice part , but about the materials part . ) And made me spend a whole lot of money . As in , my mortgage payment ! ( Don 't worry , it 's covered . ) First , he talked about his Kolinsky Kayak brushes . They are brushes that he designed and handmade for a few years and then he found someone else to do it ( in a more professional form ) . I have always used synthetic brushes , partly because they are affordable , and partly , too , because I am a vegetarian and didn 't like the ethics of killing some animal in order to get its hair to make a paintbrush . But once Paul explained two things , I had to have his brushes . One was his demonstration of the way natural hair brushes hold water differently than synthetic brushes , and what that means in terms of having control of your water and paint . The other was that the hair in these brushes is obtained by giving a haircut to " the southern end of a northbound male Marten weasel in winter plumage . " Nobody dies ( although there may be some outrage involved ) . And did I mention that they are double - ended , so you get two sizes on each brush ? Then he talked about paper . He uses 260 - lb . paper , and I 'd never heard of it before . I normally use 140 - lb . , which is pretty good , and sufficient for everything I have done up until now ; and I have occasionally bought a big sheet of 300 - lb . for a large painting for which I wanted to go the extra mile in terms of quality , but honestly , I dislike working on the 300 . It doesn 't take water or paint in the same way that the 140 - lb . does , so I mostly avoid it . Paul explained that the 260 - lb . paper is essentially like working on 140 - lb . but better , while the 300 - lb . has a different kind of fiber and sucks up all the water and pigment , which is why I had a bad experience . After trying some of the paper he had with him , I will definitely order some 260 and avoid the 300 from now on . I didn 't spend any money on that ( yet ) , but I 'm definitely going to explore the differences between the 140 and 260 and decide for myself . Then we started talking paint . I have always used medium - grade paints like Graham , and have been pretty satisfied with them . Lately , I have tried out a few colors from Holbein ( I liked them ) , and also , given that several artists I follow and admire are featured by Daniel Smith paints and have raved about them , I 've been picking up a tube of that here and there . While I like some colors of Daniel Smith very much , I have found them to be quite inconsistent from tube to tube . I bought a tube of Naples Yellow , for instance , and absolutely loved the color as a base for complexion in portraits . The next tube I bought was a completely different color of yellow . I couldn 't believe it - - I thought it was a mistake - - so I bought a third , and that one was about halfway between the two . Paul talked a lot about paint , because he has spent most of his career ( he 's been painting since age 15 ) working with both Windsor Newton and Daniel Smith , and has a lot of experience of their products . Not to say anything bad about them , but this caused him to decide to make his own paints . And , being the entrepreneurial all - or - nothing kind of guy he is , he did so , and marketed them independently before finding a company - - Da Vinci - - to produce them for him , to his exacting standards . So , what else did we do in the three days ? Well , we made great big paintings of six different pieces of art glass . This was another area in which I thought I knew better about what was a good practice for an art workshop : I have always felt that teachers who have all the students make the exact same painting weren 't really teaching them to paint , but were teaching them to mimic . And I still believe that 's true for the ones who say , Okay , follow along : Make this stroke , now make this one , now go here and do this , now go there and do that . In Paul 's workshop , we all started with the same under - drawing , and we did follow along to some extent , but every painting in the class looked different . They all looked good , they just all looked different , because we were encouraged to try things , to make our own decisions , to follow his lead to learn a lot but not to worry if it wasn 't identical . We learned how to use masking fluid ( yes , you guessed it , he makes his own , and it 's awesome , and I bought some ) to save all the multiple reflections and colors of the glass ; we learned how to stain and then glaze the paints in multiple layers ( the final painting probably had 14 layers of paint , but in no way looked overworked ) , we learned tricks of controlling the paint by having the correct water - to - paint ratio , and how to tell if a brush was loaded , half full , or dry . We learned that it is possible to lay two wet colors down right next to each other and not have them bleed together , because the water balance was equal ! We learned a fair amount about color theory , complementary colors , what to mix with what to get " gumbo , " and how to use it once we have it . We learned a LOT . The paintings the rest of us made are about 85 percent done , because we had to watch the last three layers at the end of class and ran out of time to finish our own work . But we have the knowledge of what to do to complete them . And while I know mine won 't be nearly as wonderful as Paul 's , it 's honestly not half bad , and what I learned from doing it ? So far beyond where I have ever gone before . I will definitely continue to do my Micron pen and watercolor sketches for fun , and will still enjoy doing them . But what I learned in this workshop showed me that there is so much more that is possible , and that I am completely capable of doing it . I can 't wait to try a major painting like this on my own and flex the skills I learned this weekend . I already have a subject in mind ! Here are the last of the Banned Book Week shelf - talkers that I 'm going to have time to make . But I 'm enjoying making these , and am going to focus on doing one or two every week to put up in my Young Adult Fiction section for regular books that I like and want to recommend . They 're pretty fast and easy , and fun ! Tonight , I had a program at the library , but since someone from the outside was actually running the program ( an SAT Essay Writing seminar ) , all I had to do , after checking in all the participants and doing a couple of announcements , is sit at the back of the room and make sure everything ran smoothly . Not wanting to be bored , I brought myself some busywork - - some shelf - talker forms , some micron pens , and my Altoids mini watercolor kit - - and made half a dozen shelf - talkers . The only problem I had was , I had only a hazy idea or memory of some of the books for which I wanted to make shelf - talkers , so I made headlines and artwork for a bunch , but only completed two . I 'll finish the rest tomorrow , when I have access to the books ( or to a computer ) for a summary , and then I 'll share those too . I really enjoy making these shelf - talkers ! My friend Carey has moved to Monrovia - - both her household and her job ( she used to be the head of the Reference Department at my library , and now she is the library director for the Monrovia Public Library , la di dah ) , and we miss lunching together a few times a week and talking librarian . So we decided to meet up halfway for breakfast yesterday . There are lots of places we could pick , between Monrovia and Van Nuys , but I suggested Montrose . I took an art workshop there once , and remembered it as a cute little town , eminently drawable , and with lots of restaurants , and I figured we could have breakfast and then I could stay to sketch , if the weather didn 't turn too hot . So that 's what we did . We met at a neighborhood favorite called The Black Cow Café , and it is deservedly a hot spot - - the food was great , the service was great , and even though they had a pretty full house , there was no hurrying us out the door so they could turn over the table - - they let us sit and tell each other stories for two hours . Afterwards , Carey headed out with a to - go order of cheese - and - jalapeño biscuits ( she had them with gravy for breakfast and pronounced them irresistible ) , while I moved directly across the street to a shady bench , to set up and paint the café . It wasn 't what I had planned on painting , but I wanted to commemorate our morning . I think we have found " our " place to meet for future breakfast dates ! ( I wonder if Carey 's boyfriend got a single one of those biscuits . . . ) The workshop for the teens was both a success and not a success : Jon , the band member who coordinated these programs with me , had the brilliant idea of getting in touch with all the music teachers at the Burbank middle and high schools and asking each of them to invite a couple of teens who were outstanding musicians to come specially to the program to " sit in " with the band . The music teachers all came through . . . but somehow , I 'm afraid the idea was conveyed that the program was only for these students , when in reality it was for everyone with an interest in music ! ( The flyer was addressed to a general audience , but . . . maybe not clear to the teachers ? ) So we had 10 exceptional young men ( don 't know where all the girl musicians were ) who came , played , tried things out , learned some stuff about playing jazz , and had a great time , and other than that we had a couple more non - playing teens , and the proud families of the participating musicians , and that was it . I 'm so sorry that more of our teens didn 't come . . . but I 'm also so happy for the ones who did , because they got a lot out of it . Live and learn - - next time we will make sure the promotion is crystal clear ! This is Aaron , the bass player / guitarist , and Jon , the drummer . They sit so spread out that I miscalculated and couldn 't get Murray , the keyboardist , into the picture ( my sketchbook is square ) . I 'll have to do another one of them from a photo so Murray isn 't excluded . Friday 's prompt was " favorite restaurant . " That 's a hard one - - can you ever say definitively that just one place is your favorite ? I think it depends on so many things . . . mood , time of year , expectations . But I can say this is ONE of my favorite restaurants , for its ambience , its wonderful Italian food , and the brewed - from - scratch Belgian hot chocolate that we often order in lieu of dessert ! Today 's prompt was " favorite book . " Well , if you know me at all , you know how impossible that one is ! I could draw 40 and still think of 40 more . So I arbitrarily picked one for which I have a long - time soft spot . It 's an old - fashioned romantic book about a house , a family , and a particular time and attitude , and I re - read it probably once every couple of years . Pencil and watercolor . This was a tough one to paint ! I have to admit to a tiny bit of touch - up work on the lettering afterwards in Photoshop Elements . Saturday 's prompt , " favorite person , " is yet to come . I tried a portrait and it was a big fat fail . I 'm going to give it another shot soon . I 'm running behind on the WWG prompts , but here are three more : Favorite article of clothingHere 's my favorite skirt . It 's a thin white cotton with another thin cotton lining , on an elasticized stitched waistband . It 's in primary colors plus green and pink and gray , so you can wear a lot of different stuff with it . But mainly , I like it because it 's patterned with urban sketching ! I did an inset vignette so you could see the kind of thing . I 'm thinking they 're meant to be Miami , or Cuba , because of the cars , palm trees , and style of houses , but it always makes me feel très Française when I wear it , for some reason . There are many , and I painted this quickie a while back . This is a wall pocket I inherited from my mom , who had a large collection of them . She got me started collecting too , so now I have more than 40 ! They are not all up on the wall , but at least half of them are . This is from the McCoy Pottery in Ohio , probably circa about 1920 . It 's a birdbath . I 've given up on Every Day in August . Plus , I like the prompts from World Watercolor Group better . So here are my three from the weekend : This is Micron pen and watercolor . I bought this long skinny sketchbook to get myself to do more panoramic views like this , but you have to work pretty small ( it 's 6x12 inches ) . It may take me a while to fill it . This is my favorite mug aesthetically ( a gift from Anarda , who has excellent taste ) , but I don 't drink coffee out of it much because it 's so big and wide open that the coffee gets cold too fast . But it 's great for drinkable soup ! I decided to try this one à la Liz Steel - - I made a faint pencil outline of the cup , and everything else was painted spontaneously without drawing it first . I was hoping for a little more control , but I hurried through it and the red got away from me . Should have given it a lot more time to dry between colors . But it gives the flavor of the mug . I love sea otters . I think they must be the cats of the ocean - - fuzzy , cute , playful , mischievous . I guess you could say the same thing about dogs , but I 'm a cat person , so . . . cats . This was hard to paint , especially on sketchbook paper . Fur is hard enough without trying to convey the difference between wet fur and dry fur , and fur that is under the water ! Props to pet portrait artists - - who knew it was so tough ? I called it " Fig Bandit . " Never saw a Japanese Beetle in my life until the first harvest from my green fig tree ripened , and then they were everywhere ! I have to be quick or I don 't get a single undamaged fig . I also have to duck whenever I pick one , to avoid the cloud of beetles that rise from the tree ! The prompt from # WorldWatercolorGroup was " Favorite Vacation Spot . " I 'd have to go with Musée d ' Orsay de Paris ! I did this from a photo I took in 2013 when I was there for six hours . Perspective and angles are not my strong suit , but I tried to rock it like James Richards taught me in his Craftsy class on urban sketching .
|
I 'm not a huge fan of cranberries - - the twice - a - year experience on the Thanksgiving and Christmas buffet is fine with me , and cranberry - flavored things always seem too tart , even when modified by raspberry or lemonade . But I do love how they look - - the small nuances in color from pink to coral to , well , cranberry ! to dark purple . So on impulse , I bought a small bag of them at the market while shopping for green beans and mushrooms and pearl onions for Thanksgiving , and this morning I threw a handful on the table on my patio so that I would have not just the cranberries but some dramatic shadows to paint . I had some happy accidents with the bleeding into some of the shadows , while others of them got away from me , but for a 30 - minute endeavor , start to finish , I was fairly satisfied with my result . I saw today 's prompt from World Watercolor Group ( " Stuffing " ) and thought , Oh , how boring , a 13x9 pan full of breadcrumbs , who wants to draw that ? So I decided not to paint today . Then , when I turned off Netflix at 11 : 00 , I suddenly thought , Oooh , but the ingredients ! They say you can tell what region of the country you come from by what you call your carbonated beverage or soft drink . Is it a soda , a pop , or a Coke ? ( Or do you go old - school and call it a tonic ? ) There was actually a survey conducted on this at one point , and then two guys from East Central University in Oklahoma made a map , which I found interesting to look at in comparison to the political maps of the country we 've been staring at for the past couple of months : I was an enthusiastic consumer of soft drinks in my youth ( I started every early morning in college by popping the top on a TAB and taking a swig ) , but the caffeine and sugar or , worse yet , the artificial sweeteners made me ban them from my life decades ago . Now , I enjoy an occasional root beer , or even more rarely go out of my way to buy a new - fangled soda with natural ingredients and flavors more pleasing to the palette than Coke . Since root beer isn 't as fun to paint , I chose an IZZE Sparking Blackberry as my subject matter . And no , there is no alcoholic content , even though the bottle is the tiniest bit tipsy ! Just for comparison , here 's a continuous line blind contour that I did of a similar bottle back a few years ago in Brenda Swenson 's workshop . I realized this morning that I haven 't drawn or painted anything for weeks . I spent the week leading up to the election plagued by nerves , the week after it in shock and denial , and this past week alternately depressed and outraged . At first , every time I thought about drawing or painting , all I could dredge up was either " What 's the point ? " or " I have more important things to which I need to give my attention . " But . . . that old adage about taking care of yourself first has merit , and one of the things that keeps me sane and on an even keel is making art . So , I pulled up World Watercolor Group 's list of prompts for November and painted me some beets . I 'm not a big fan of eating them , but the colors and shapes are appealing . I 'm going to get myself back to a regular drawing and painting habit . Because if art doesn 't matter , what does ? Last night the organization had its big fund - raiser , called the Secret Art Show . It 's a one - night pop - up art gallery , at which they exhibit 4x6 - inch pieces of art made by all different kinds of people from the Burbank community - - students , amateur artists , professionals who work at the studios , illustrators ( such as the lovely and charitable David Shannon , of No , David ! picture book fame ) , celebrities , whoever wants to contribute . There 's also a buffet , a silent auction , and some arty stuff happening on the spot . It 's fun , and quite festive . The " secret " part is that you have to pony up $ 40 for a piece of the 4x6 - inch artwork before you learn who painted it . It 's a little scary for we artists , who wonder , " Will anyone want my little scribble badly enough to spend that kind of money ? " But it 's all about funding the non - profit to make sure kids get to make art too , so everybody seems to play along . I ended up making them a bunch of pieces - - they kept extending the deadline on receiving art , so I kept making more of it - - so my final contribution was these 11 . I know for sure that at least one was purchased , because my # 2 boss at the library was there , and told me she had bought one she thought might be mine . ( I hope she bought it because she really liked it rather than because she knew I made it and didn 't want me to suffer from embarrassment ! ) I 'm glad I took the workshop , but although I learned a lot , the thing I took away from it was that it 's time to quit taking workshops . Not because of anything that happened there ; Iain was great . He shared a lot of knowledge and technique , and was laid back and helpful . Iain 's techniques bore some resemblance to Paul 's , in that both of them start with a light wash , either smooth or variegated , and then build on that with a middle ground , middle dark , and a foreground darkest dark to highlight a focal point . They are both planners , but while Paul 's planning seems to take place more on / during the actual painting , and he considers specific steps in great detail , Iain 's planning takes place mostly in his sketchbook , where he does multiple layouts until the composition pleases him . Then he transfers the sketch to watercolor paper , still adjusting as he goes , and once he picks up a paintbrush , things become a lot more spontaneous ( and also a lot harder to duplicate ) . This is a long view of a landscape in Pals , Spain . Off in the distance is water , with Catalonian islands emerging from it . In the middle ground are buildings , trees , and fields , and in the foreground , a bunch of trees rise up in front of the viewer . The goal with this was to teach background - middle ground - foreground in terms of value intensity , in terms of attention to specific detail , and also to show layout - - how you have to balance the elements in a painting ( placement of the buildings , direction of the fields , roads , and trees ) . This isn 't the demo Iain did in the workshop ; that one was even more monochromatic in terms of color than this one was , and we dealt with fewer buildings . But it 's the same scene . Here is my attempt . ( Some of the left side is cut off , due to the capacity of my scanner . ) While it 's not horrible , and in fact a couple of people complimented me on it , it 's a textbook example of what I came to realize , after spending three days with Iain only two weeks after spending three days with Paul Jackson : What I need is not another workshop , but a regular , disciplined approach to painting . I need to make many , many paintings ! I spent much of the three days frustrated , not because I didn 't understand what he was doing , but because my eye and hand just wouldn 't duplicate it . And it 's not because I 'm not capable , it 's because I 'm not practiced . Using this as an example : The islands and sky are too dark for background , as are the trees just in front of them . The church on the right should be bigger than the house behind it , because it 's much closer to the viewer , and the villa on the left should be twice that size , so that you have the sense of the scene moving forward towards you . The darks in the mid ground are also too extreme , so that what you have instead of a graduated scene of less detail to more detail and less intensity of value to more intensity , is a series of stripes of light and dark . ( We won 't talk about the tree line in the foreground at all ! ) So the truths I discovered from this exercise were : I don 't use my sketchbook to think out what I 'm going to do . I don 't sketch much at all ! I don 't spend a lot of time planning things out , or considering what elements need to be balanced with other elements . I don 't have a good grasp of perspective and planes . My judgment is not good when it comes to light , medium , and dark gradations . I don 't have good control of brush , color , or water . I haven 't developed the judgment to know when the brush is too wet or too dry , or which colors to use to mix what I need . And if I want to be a good watercolor painter , I need to learn to make snap judgments as I go , to be fast enough so that the " bead " doesn 't dry up on me before I can work it smoothly down the page . In short , what I had to face this weekend , which made me so uncomfortable that I actually left the workshop early on the third day by making a lame excuse about having to go to work ( yes , I need the practice , but doing it in front of other people was getting to me ) , was that while I have nascent skills that include drawing and color sense , without a regular practice , I 'm not going to improve . I enjoy making my contour drawings and using watercolor to enhance them , and I 'm pretty good at it ; but compared to what the serious artists whose work I admire are doing , I 'm just noodling around . While there 's nothing wrong with that , and while I will keep doing that , it 's time to make a plan for a life as a painter that includes daily attention . I don 't know whether I 'm ready for that yet , if I 'm completely honest . So I 'm not going to make a bunch of resolutions here , only to break them . I 'm just going to know that I now have the knowledge , and when I choose to do so , I can develop the skill . But I have to want it . I hope that I 'll have great things to post on this page someday that let me take myself seriously as a painter . Until then . . . I 'll keep noodling around . So , although this was not my art plan for this afternoon ( I was going to finish my Paul Jackson " masterpiece , " which has been languishing ) , I decided to make her a new version of it . It 's a crucial time to do so , because it 's a painting of asters from my yard , which only bloom for about three weeks in October . So I cut some ( avoiding dozens of bees in the process ) , put them in another clear glass jar like I did the first time , and set to work . The first one , which I did on sketchbook paper , was drawn with a black Micron pen , and then watercolored . For this one , I decided to just draw it in pencil , for a more natural look , since I was doing it on good watercolor paper . But after I got done painting it , it seemed a little lackluster , and also I accidentally washed through parts of it and it became blurry , so I went in afterwards with a sepia - tone Micron pen ( not as obvious as the black , and nice with the color scheme ) to do some " accents " and outlines . Well , the plan for today was : Go to the chiropractor , eat breakfast , do some chore - type things , make a new watercolor palette , and finish my giant painting from last weekend 's workshop . I did the first and the second , did a little painting out of order with my old paints on some postcards , and then . . . I took a nap . A three - hour nap . I guess a three - day art workshop preceded and followed by a five - day work week makes you tired ! Paul has plans to develop five more colors , he says , because his favorite palette has 24 slots but he made 19 colors . My new palette only has 20 slots , however , so it was perfect for this project . . . with one exception . Upon consideration of his 19 colors , it becomes apparent that Paul is one of those artists who believes all greens should be mixed . I mostly tend to agree with that , because mixed greens are so much prettier and more flexible than flat colors straight out of the tube . Last Sunday , I drove down to San Pedro to see a demo and lecture by Paul . I was familiar with his work on Facebook , primarily because of his amazing 5 - foot by 10 - foot painting of the chain bridge in Budapest ( below ) , so I was excited to see his lecture . I knew he was giving two workshops this week , but I didn 't sign up for either of them , because in two weeks I am taking my mini October vacation ( four days ) and had already signed up for a watercolor workshop with Iain Stewart , and I figured that was stimulation enough , plus taking extra time off seemed problematical , and did I really need to pay for another workshop right now ? After seeing his lecture , I went to work on Monday and asked for Friday off so I could take his second workshop on Friday - Sunday . It 's called " Reflection , Translucency and Transparency , " which is basically about painting glass . . . but it 's so much more . It 's really about how to work with watercolors to make them do what you want them to do . The reason I found this workshop so much more amazing than any I 've ever taken before was that everything Paul said and did turned everything I ever thought about a workshop on its head . I have complained here in the past about going to workshops and always encountering those students who persist in asking the teacher , " What kind of paintbrush are you using ? " " What kind of paints are you using ? " " What kind of paper are you using ? " It really bugs me , because it always cuts into our workshop time , and I want to say to them , Bah on your magical thinking ! Painting with the same tools and materials is not going to make you another Keiko Tanabe , or another Frank Eber , or another fill - in - the - blank . It 's painting every single day for years , striving to improve and learn and grow that does that . Materials are just materials . Paul Jackson convinced me I am wrong . ( Not about the practice part , but about the materials part . ) And made me spend a whole lot of money . As in , my mortgage payment ! ( Don 't worry , it 's covered . ) First , he talked about his Kolinsky Kayak brushes . They are brushes that he designed and handmade for a few years and then he found someone else to do it ( in a more professional form ) . I have always used synthetic brushes , partly because they are affordable , and partly , too , because I am a vegetarian and didn 't like the ethics of killing some animal in order to get its hair to make a paintbrush . But once Paul explained two things , I had to have his brushes . One was his demonstration of the way natural hair brushes hold water differently than synthetic brushes , and what that means in terms of having control of your water and paint . The other was that the hair in these brushes is obtained by giving a haircut to " the southern end of a northbound male Marten weasel in winter plumage . " Nobody dies ( although there may be some outrage involved ) . And did I mention that they are double - ended , so you get two sizes on each brush ? Then he talked about paper . He uses 260 - lb . paper , and I 'd never heard of it before . I normally use 140 - lb . , which is pretty good , and sufficient for everything I have done up until now ; and I have occasionally bought a big sheet of 300 - lb . for a large painting for which I wanted to go the extra mile in terms of quality , but honestly , I dislike working on the 300 . It doesn 't take water or paint in the same way that the 140 - lb . does , so I mostly avoid it . Paul explained that the 260 - lb . paper is essentially like working on 140 - lb . but better , while the 300 - lb . has a different kind of fiber and sucks up all the water and pigment , which is why I had a bad experience . After trying some of the paper he had with him , I will definitely order some 260 and avoid the 300 from now on . I didn 't spend any money on that ( yet ) , but I 'm definitely going to explore the differences between the 140 and 260 and decide for myself . Then we started talking paint . I have always used medium - grade paints like Graham , and have been pretty satisfied with them . Lately , I have tried out a few colors from Holbein ( I liked them ) , and also , given that several artists I follow and admire are featured by Daniel Smith paints and have raved about them , I 've been picking up a tube of that here and there . While I like some colors of Daniel Smith very much , I have found them to be quite inconsistent from tube to tube . I bought a tube of Naples Yellow , for instance , and absolutely loved the color as a base for complexion in portraits . The next tube I bought was a completely different color of yellow . I couldn 't believe it - - I thought it was a mistake - - so I bought a third , and that one was about halfway between the two . Paul talked a lot about paint , because he has spent most of his career ( he 's been painting since age 15 ) working with both Windsor Newton and Daniel Smith , and has a lot of experience of their products . Not to say anything bad about them , but this caused him to decide to make his own paints . And , being the entrepreneurial all - or - nothing kind of guy he is , he did so , and marketed them independently before finding a company - - Da Vinci - - to produce them for him , to his exacting standards . So , what else did we do in the three days ? Well , we made great big paintings of six different pieces of art glass . This was another area in which I thought I knew better about what was a good practice for an art workshop : I have always felt that teachers who have all the students make the exact same painting weren 't really teaching them to paint , but were teaching them to mimic . And I still believe that 's true for the ones who say , Okay , follow along : Make this stroke , now make this one , now go here and do this , now go there and do that . In Paul 's workshop , we all started with the same under - drawing , and we did follow along to some extent , but every painting in the class looked different . They all looked good , they just all looked different , because we were encouraged to try things , to make our own decisions , to follow his lead to learn a lot but not to worry if it wasn 't identical . We learned how to use masking fluid ( yes , you guessed it , he makes his own , and it 's awesome , and I bought some ) to save all the multiple reflections and colors of the glass ; we learned how to stain and then glaze the paints in multiple layers ( the final painting probably had 14 layers of paint , but in no way looked overworked ) , we learned tricks of controlling the paint by having the correct water - to - paint ratio , and how to tell if a brush was loaded , half full , or dry . We learned that it is possible to lay two wet colors down right next to each other and not have them bleed together , because the water balance was equal ! We learned a fair amount about color theory , complementary colors , what to mix with what to get " gumbo , " and how to use it once we have it . We learned a LOT . The paintings the rest of us made are about 85 percent done , because we had to watch the last three layers at the end of class and ran out of time to finish our own work . But we have the knowledge of what to do to complete them . And while I know mine won 't be nearly as wonderful as Paul 's , it 's honestly not half bad , and what I learned from doing it ? So far beyond where I have ever gone before . I will definitely continue to do my Micron pen and watercolor sketches for fun , and will still enjoy doing them . But what I learned in this workshop showed me that there is so much more that is possible , and that I am completely capable of doing it . I can 't wait to try a major painting like this on my own and flex the skills I learned this weekend . I already have a subject in mind ! Here are the last of the Banned Book Week shelf - talkers that I 'm going to have time to make . But I 'm enjoying making these , and am going to focus on doing one or two every week to put up in my Young Adult Fiction section for regular books that I like and want to recommend . They 're pretty fast and easy , and fun ! Tonight , I had a program at the library , but since someone from the outside was actually running the program ( an SAT Essay Writing seminar ) , all I had to do , after checking in all the participants and doing a couple of announcements , is sit at the back of the room and make sure everything ran smoothly . Not wanting to be bored , I brought myself some busywork - - some shelf - talker forms , some micron pens , and my Altoids mini watercolor kit - - and made half a dozen shelf - talkers . The only problem I had was , I had only a hazy idea or memory of some of the books for which I wanted to make shelf - talkers , so I made headlines and artwork for a bunch , but only completed two . I 'll finish the rest tomorrow , when I have access to the books ( or to a computer ) for a summary , and then I 'll share those too . I really enjoy making these shelf - talkers ! My friend Carey has moved to Monrovia - - both her household and her job ( she used to be the head of the Reference Department at my library , and now she is the library director for the Monrovia Public Library , la di dah ) , and we miss lunching together a few times a week and talking librarian . So we decided to meet up halfway for breakfast yesterday . There are lots of places we could pick , between Monrovia and Van Nuys , but I suggested Montrose . I took an art workshop there once , and remembered it as a cute little town , eminently drawable , and with lots of restaurants , and I figured we could have breakfast and then I could stay to sketch , if the weather didn 't turn too hot . So that 's what we did . We met at a neighborhood favorite called The Black Cow Café , and it is deservedly a hot spot - - the food was great , the service was great , and even though they had a pretty full house , there was no hurrying us out the door so they could turn over the table - - they let us sit and tell each other stories for two hours . Afterwards , Carey headed out with a to - go order of cheese - and - jalapeño biscuits ( she had them with gravy for breakfast and pronounced them irresistible ) , while I moved directly across the street to a shady bench , to set up and paint the café . It wasn 't what I had planned on painting , but I wanted to commemorate our morning . I think we have found " our " place to meet for future breakfast dates ! ( I wonder if Carey 's boyfriend got a single one of those biscuits . . . ) The workshop for the teens was both a success and not a success : Jon , the band member who coordinated these programs with me , had the brilliant idea of getting in touch with all the music teachers at the Burbank middle and high schools and asking each of them to invite a couple of teens who were outstanding musicians to come specially to the program to " sit in " with the band . The music teachers all came through . . . but somehow , I 'm afraid the idea was conveyed that the program was only for these students , when in reality it was for everyone with an interest in music ! ( The flyer was addressed to a general audience , but . . . maybe not clear to the teachers ? ) So we had 10 exceptional young men ( don 't know where all the girl musicians were ) who came , played , tried things out , learned some stuff about playing jazz , and had a great time , and other than that we had a couple more non - playing teens , and the proud families of the participating musicians , and that was it . I 'm so sorry that more of our teens didn 't come . . . but I 'm also so happy for the ones who did , because they got a lot out of it . Live and learn - - next time we will make sure the promotion is crystal clear ! This is Aaron , the bass player / guitarist , and Jon , the drummer . They sit so spread out that I miscalculated and couldn 't get Murray , the keyboardist , into the picture ( my sketchbook is square ) . I 'll have to do another one of them from a photo so Murray isn 't excluded . Friday 's prompt was " favorite restaurant . " That 's a hard one - - can you ever say definitively that just one place is your favorite ? I think it depends on so many things . . . mood , time of year , expectations . But I can say this is ONE of my favorite restaurants , for its ambience , its wonderful Italian food , and the brewed - from - scratch Belgian hot chocolate that we often order in lieu of dessert ! Today 's prompt was " favorite book . " Well , if you know me at all , you know how impossible that one is ! I could draw 40 and still think of 40 more . So I arbitrarily picked one for which I have a long - time soft spot . It 's an old - fashioned romantic book about a house , a family , and a particular time and attitude , and I re - read it probably once every couple of years . Pencil and watercolor . This was a tough one to paint ! I have to admit to a tiny bit of touch - up work on the lettering afterwards in Photoshop Elements . Saturday 's prompt , " favorite person , " is yet to come . I tried a portrait and it was a big fat fail . I 'm going to give it another shot soon . I 'm running behind on the WWG prompts , but here are three more : Favorite article of clothingHere 's my favorite skirt . It 's a thin white cotton with another thin cotton lining , on an elasticized stitched waistband . It 's in primary colors plus green and pink and gray , so you can wear a lot of different stuff with it . But mainly , I like it because it 's patterned with urban sketching ! I did an inset vignette so you could see the kind of thing . I 'm thinking they 're meant to be Miami , or Cuba , because of the cars , palm trees , and style of houses , but it always makes me feel très Française when I wear it , for some reason . There are many , and I painted this quickie a while back . This is a wall pocket I inherited from my mom , who had a large collection of them . She got me started collecting too , so now I have more than 40 ! They are not all up on the wall , but at least half of them are . This is from the McCoy Pottery in Ohio , probably circa about 1920 . It 's a birdbath . I 've given up on Every Day in August . Plus , I like the prompts from World Watercolor Group better . So here are my three from the weekend : This is Micron pen and watercolor . I bought this long skinny sketchbook to get myself to do more panoramic views like this , but you have to work pretty small ( it 's 6x12 inches ) . It may take me a while to fill it . This is my favorite mug aesthetically ( a gift from Anarda , who has excellent taste ) , but I don 't drink coffee out of it much because it 's so big and wide open that the coffee gets cold too fast . But it 's great for drinkable soup ! I decided to try this one à la Liz Steel - - I made a faint pencil outline of the cup , and everything else was painted spontaneously without drawing it first . I was hoping for a little more control , but I hurried through it and the red got away from me . Should have given it a lot more time to dry between colors . But it gives the flavor of the mug . I love sea otters . I think they must be the cats of the ocean - - fuzzy , cute , playful , mischievous . I guess you could say the same thing about dogs , but I 'm a cat person , so . . . cats . This was hard to paint , especially on sketchbook paper . Fur is hard enough without trying to convey the difference between wet fur and dry fur , and fur that is under the water ! Props to pet portrait artists - - who knew it was so tough ? I called it " Fig Bandit . " Never saw a Japanese Beetle in my life until the first harvest from my green fig tree ripened , and then they were everywhere ! I have to be quick or I don 't get a single undamaged fig . I also have to duck whenever I pick one , to avoid the cloud of beetles that rise from the tree ! The prompt from # WorldWatercolorGroup was " Favorite Vacation Spot . " I 'd have to go with Musée d ' Orsay de Paris ! I did this from a photo I took in 2013 when I was there for six hours . Perspective and angles are not my strong suit , but I tried to rock it like James Richards taught me in his Craftsy class on urban sketching .
|
Not long now before i get on a plane and fly the hell outta this place . I 'm still in two minds whether to go or not because my dad is really ill . It 's weird , I still try to switch off and have a good time but it 's always there in the back of your mind . When i 'm with him it gets a bit intense and i need a break by getting away , but as soon as i do i 'm wondering how he is . Last night i was out having fun . But i just wasn 't in the mood . That 's why i 've blogged less . I 'm not really in the mood for anything at the moment . Anyways i 've got my tickets , booked my seats , arranged a lift to the airport ( via a friend of Daniel 's ) and all i need to do is get there . I 'm just not excited about it like i should be . Daniel confessed to me the other night that he 's not happy either , so we 're both turning into miserable bastards . He hates his job and is sick of the scene . It 's like going through revolving doors . When you first go on the scene it 's a wondrous place . All those men and suddenly you feel like you 've just walked into a fairground . But after a while you realise it is just like a fairground . It 's all front and no substance . You suddenly notice that you 're talking to guys who spend most of their time looking over your shoulder to see who else is about . You think you 've had a great night with someone , only to find they 're not answering their phone to you the next day . Then you 're having to leave a pub because an ex just walked in . Or look around the room and notice the only ones you like don 't wanna know you . Then a stranger appears and it 's fresh meat for the masses . It 's just a never ending chase . I know how Daniel feels but i 've sort of dropped out of the loop lately so i crave a night out like that at the moment . I 'm not in the mood for anything serious . I just wanna have some fun . I 've had the other end of that stick . The other night i got talking to a guy who was only 17 . It was his first night EVER in a gay club and he was like a dog on heat . I couldn 't get rid of him . He latched onto me and the more pissed he got the more morbid he got . I had two choices , take him home and fuck him . Or go to the loo and climb outta the window . I decided to go for a piss and just walked outta the door . There would have been a time when i would have gone for the latter , but i 've learnt that there are consequences and you could tell he would have been trouble . On the telly this morning i saw something about a ' donate a day " charity thing . They are asking people to donate a day to help someone or some organisation . I don 't have time but i thought i would take a look . I always wished i had a job that meant something to someone instead of shuffling paper around . And now that i 'm sort of looking after my dad on and off i 've got a taste for it . But i didn 't wanna do just anything . I 'm not fucking interested in The Dogs trust or the Royal Horticultural Society ( Eh ? ) . so i went for the Terrence Higgins Trust . Well what do expect ? , i 'm a poof . . I found a link to the website and found out how to volunteer and who to ring . But was hit with . . . I 've been over to my parents this weekend . My dad is ill again . They think it 's an infection and he 's on antibioticsI think he 's taken a turn for the worst . I thought he would start getting better as time went on , but he seems to be up and down a lot . Eating food is like a game of Russian roulette . Sometimes he 's fine with it . Other times it makes him really poorly . And I can see in his eyes that he 's had enough . I suppose that when you have been ill for a long period of time it 's not just about the illness , it 's about how long you can stand feeling that way . He 's already said he wished he hadn 't bothered having an operation and just let nature take its course . How do you cheer someone up who feels like that ? As i type this i 've just realised I still haven 't arranged transport to get to the airport as well . I looked at all the options , but never got round to doing it . To be honest I 'm in two minds whether to go now . If he 's really ill the week I go away what will I do ? What a shitty weekend it was . I 'm supposed to be staying in tonight so I can be up early tomorrow to clear out a garage for someone . But balls to that one , I 'm on the razz . I know I 'll regret it in the morning but sometimes you just have to go with the flow . I 've been asked to meet someone for a drink . Does that constitute a date ? I 'm not sure really . It wasn 't arranged as a date . We just said we 'd meet for a couple . But there will only be two of us and we 've never met for a drink before on our own . I went to see my dad last night . He gets tired very quickly but doesn 't want you to go because he 's bored and craves company that he feels comfortable with . When friends or family call he seems to want to put a face on and pretend he 's ok . But the second they leave he 's complaining that he 's tired and wished they had gone an hour ago . With mum and I it 's different , he 'll just fall asleep mid conversation or tell us to shut up for a bit whilst he has a kip . He took off his shirt so I could look at his scar and he looked like a bag of bones . The operation has ruined his pallet . Everything tastes funny or of nothing at all . So he 's not interested in food and only sees it as fuelSometimes he 'll crave a meal , but by the time my mum has made it he 's gone off the idea and a few mouths full in he 'll complain that it doesn 't taste anything like it should do . We watched a bit of the Eurovision song contest semi - finals together but he hated everything and everyone on it . The UK entry ' Blue ' were winding him up the most . He hates the fact that they come across as " Cocky " and were waving and acting up to the camera all the time . He 's turning into a miserable moaner and even thought It 's understandable there are times when you just wanna slap him . God knows how my mum copes with him 24 hours a day . Anways , short post over , time to doll myself up for tonight . Shave , teeth , bath , shower . A little light dusting of talc to the bollocks and bum ( not too much , don 't want a puff of smoke when i 'm de - robing , as has happened in the past ) Deodorise , filck my hair into some sort of creation , glad rags on , take them all back off again because i 'm not happy with the look , glad rags on and off again for the next 30 minutes before saying " fuck it , no ones looking anyway " . Fight my way through a sea of cloths now cluttering the bedroom floor that i intend folding & putting away in the morning . Cash , Cards , condoms , condiments , and outta the door like a rabbit up a drainpipe . See ya the other side ; - ) . Daniel has come up with a so called brilliant money making scheme to get some extra cash together for his holiday . Unfortunately the scheme involves me as well . He 's clearing someone 's garage out for them this weekend and so am I apparently . They have ordered a skip and we ( I repeat . . . WE ! ! ) are gonna fill it for him . How the hell I got roped into this job I 've no idea . I 'm not the one who 's skint . But it seems I volunteered to help a mate out . The worst aspect to it all Is that we have to be there for 7 . 30am ( Saturday morning ? , eh ? ) and it will be a full day of hard graft humping shite up and down . So that 's Friday night on the town outta the window . Never mind , it 'll be worth it in the long run . I have been reading some of the comments about booking a taxi to go to the airport ( thanks fro that by the way ) and went online to find that there is a scheme where you can pay £ 79 . 99 . You meet someone at the airport , hand them your keys and they park it for you . When you arrive back they meet you at the door with the car and hand it back . You can even pay a bit extra and have it valeted as well . My dad thinks I 'm mad to even consider it , but I like the sound of a bit of luxury . All I need to do is find out how much a taxi to and from the airport is . If it 's anywhere near this figure I 'm booking it . Someone sent dad this u tube post and it cheered him up no end . You 've probably seen it before but if you haven 't take a look . It 's the Ultimate dog tease . Posted by Although i was on top form this weekend it was pretty uneventful really . Daniel came over and we spent Saturday night in Town . There is a pub or club on every corner and your spoilt for choice really . The minute you step out of one watering hole you 're no more than three strides away from another . But it 's not really sophisticated , it 's just a piss up . When i 'm away from Manchester i 've got my heterosexual head on . Which means i 'm not on the pull . I don 't feel safe in places i don 't really know . And this town seems very Homophobic to me . You know when you just don 't feel right . Sometimes it looks like guys are gay friendly but two words into a conversation and they reveal their true colours and i 'm breathing a sigh of relief that i haven 't tried it on with them . People throw out insults without even realise they are doing it . It 's not uncommon for someone to describe anything that is shit as ' being gay ' nowadays but around here they don 't throw insults they throw punches . I 'm making it sound like a town full of thugs aren 't i ? . Not true . But i just don 't get the same vibe as i do in the big city . Daniel is the same . He can never understand why i want to drink local when i could be over the tops to Mancs . But i suspect that is more to do with him not wanting to travel to me , preferring it if i came over to him . Since i went on that first aid course everyone is taking the piss . I 've had requests for everything from looking at a guys hemorrhoids through to diagnosing yellow puss coming out of a Lady 's fanny . Very funny lads , now leave me alone . I was walking to the shop at lunch time and noticed a pair of underpants in the middle of the road . This made me wonder where these odd garments you see lying around come from . It 's not unusual to see a stray sock in the gutter but undies ? . How can you lose a pair of pants ? . ( answers on a postcard to . . . ) Getting Excited about my holiday now . But can 't decide whether to book a taxi to take us to the airport or drive there in my own car and stick it in the car park for a week . You think you 've spent all you need too when you book at the travel agents , but suddenly hidden costs mount up . Daniel is shitting himself . He can 't afford and is struggling to get the cash together . I suspect i 'm gonna be paying more for this holiday than he is . Been busy the last couple of days so i didn 't have much time to blog . I went on that First Aid course . A full 60 minutes worth of training stretched out to 8 hours . ZZZzzzzz . It was like going back to school again . I forgot how boring it can be . Someone told me that it could be a good laugh , depending on the others on the course with me . Unfortunately the others with me ( all total strangers ) were not the laughing kind and i seemed to have found myself in a crowd of the shyest people i have ever known . I 'm not exactly the life and sound of the party myself with strangers , but no matter how much i tried to talk to some of them the conversation always hit a brick wall and we would sit there in silence for a bit whilst i desperately tried to think of something else to say . At one point 12 of us sat around a table eating our lunch without acknowledging each other . It was like being in a library . In the end i was laughing to myself because all you could hear was sipping tea , chewing sounds and swallowing of food . LOL . As i looked around the table 5 of them were looking intensely at their mobile phones and the rest seemed to be transfixed on some sort of speck of dust on various parts of the wall or ceiling . God forbid we make eye contact with each other . I even tried bringing up the subject of the weather but all i got back was " yes it is , isn 't it . . . " and then back to silence again . " Did anyone see the Royal Wedding ? " Yeah . bits of it . ( and back to silence ) Bloody hell , i thought , help me out here , I can 't do it on my own . I felt like shouting out " has anyone ever sucked on a cock ? " During the course the guy started coming up with stupid Mnemonic words to remind us what we should do . SEEP . . . . Sit , Examine , Elevate , Pressure . That sort of thing . Then he came up with AVPU which sounded a bit too much like ' Have a poo ' to me , so i laughed out loud and looked round the room . No one else laughed and looked at me as if i had just had a poo , right in the middle of the friggin ' room . I know my humour can be childish at times but fuck me . It 's not as if I wasn 't listening to what he was saying and i wasn 't mucking about . But you must at least raise a little titter when two men are demonstrating the heimlich maneuver . It 's comman knowledge that It just looks like they are bumming each other LOL . But no ! . there were no 12 year olds with me so i was on my own with that one as well . This was a very serious lesson and i should have known better . This morning I woke to the news that Osama Bin Laden is dead . ( Which should help my mum because she keeps getting him mixed up with President Obama ) . He was living in a big posh house in Pakistan somewhere . What a surprise . The news was announced in a speech live on TV by the President . and i saw a bit of it . When he speaks he always sounds like he 's fronting a business meeting . I don 't expect him to throw in a couple of jokes or laugh out loud but he never seems to show any emotion when he 's talking . Hardly Triumphant stuff . But there was no such thing coming from the rest of America , There was dancing in the streets with mobs chanting USA ! USA ! , as they do . But it just makes me feel even less safe now . Those buggers will be all out for retaliation just you watch . I hope my holiday is nowhere near that region anyway . Scary times . We will know more about our holiday tomorrow because i 've been told to ring my Aunt in the afternoon and she will come up with a couple of suggestions for us . Daniel told me to say yes to anywhere . He dosn 't care where it is and will leave it up to me . Which means if it turns out to be crap it 's my fault . I went to Daniels again from a bit and they had some family around . I got chatting to an old bloke who turned out to be his Grandmas " man friend " and he told me he was 80 this year . He was getting more and more drunk as time went on and nearly fell off his chair twice . He blamed it on vertigo but i suspect it was the 2nd glass of wine he had drunk in 20 minutes that did it . As time went on his language got more and more fruity . It went from ' Fucking ' this to ' fucking ' that and eventually the odd C * * t shot out . But when Daniels Gran came over he stopped . Then , when she wandered off again he would look around like a spy checking that no one was listening and start swearing again . Suddenly he said to me " are you one of Daniels Queer Friends then ? " Daniels mum Chastised him for saying it but he apologised and said it again using the Gay word in place of Queer . I wasn 't offended , He meant nothing by it . He was only asking after all . He told me he knew a queer when he was in the army during the war . " he was a nice enough bloke really " he said . In the end i was pissing myself laughing because he was sort of insulting me with every sentence without realising it . He thought he was being nice to me but it was all coming out wrong . " i don 't know what all the fuss is about " he said " you lot don 't do anybody any harm do you ? " LOL . No , us lot don 't do we ? . Posted by Had a massive hangover on Saturday . I went to have my haircut in the afternoon and almost fell asleep in the chair . Which was a bit scary because all the people who work in this hairdressers have hairstyles that make them look like aliens . I think they practice on each other and experiment with styles . None of which look good . Why to hairdresses have the worst haircuts in the world ? Anyway i was glad to get out of there in the end i was feeling sick . Ohh the dreaded swill . It didn 't stop me going out again last night and after the first drink i was feeling a lot better ; - ) ) . I feel like shit again now though . : - ( ( LOL . Never again ! . Until next week . I went to Daniels today . The weather was brilliant again and his dad had his shirt off . He has the biggest man boobs i 've ever seen on a man and i 'm always transfixed when he gets them out . I wouldn 't mind but he 's not really that fat . It 's just all on his tits . The fat sort of hangs under his arms . His mum was taking the piss out of his hairy back as well . She said it started just above his bum when he was in his 20s and sort of spread all over his back and shoulders . Daniel was mortified when i suggested that that 's what he has to look forward to when he gets older . So we are now going the gym again next week and i 've promised to help him shave his back if it ever starts to happen . LOL . I look at my dad sometimes and think the same though . He 's not hairy but i don 't wanna look like that when i 'm his age . I saw a bit of Britain 's got talent this morning . There was a little lad on who was about 12 . He was very talented and sang really well . I know this is wrong to say about a 12 year old but my gaydar bell was ringing rather heavily if you know what i mean . And i smiled to myself . If he doesn 't grow up to be gay i would be very surprised let 's just put it that way . Later on whilst i was flicking through U tube i came across a clip of him singing again and made the fatal mistake of reading the comments . It made my blood boil . It seems that lots of other people thought the same as me but quite a few were homophobic arseholes . I wanted to find out where they lived and kick their fucking heads in . Bastards ! . Saying that , he 's only 12 so i 'm just as bad as they are , sticking a label on the poor kid . Why did i even refer to it ? . You forget don 't you ? , Life carries on as normal , then all of a sudden something homophobic comes into view and you suddenly realise the world hasn 't changed much has it ? . Things may have changed for me since i was younger and coming out . I 'm a little less tolerant or shy of someone having a go at me nowadays for starters . Maybe that 's why i don 't get it as much as i used to ? . But it 's still there isn 't it ? Anyway judge for yourself . It 's not important who i am but I live in the North of England and im Gay . This is just a diary so Don 't expect any mind blowing social commentary on life . It 's just me gobbing off about my sad pathetic little world
|
Have you ever just hit one of those funks ? I hit one around Christmas and didn 't even bother to open my Christmas cards let alone send any out . It was pretty sad and I needed to find something to focus on so I wasn 't just doing the status quo . That 's when I made a move to start sewing more regularly . Then it became all about the UFO challenge . Now I have almost all my laundry caught up ( because when is it ever really caught up ? I mean they just run around making more dirty laundry … ) and I can feel more of a balance in myself . I 'm glad to see that there is more sunshine and warmth and I think I really needed that . I hope that the promise of spring is breathing new life for you as well . This is one of my many Block Of The Month projects . Remember when they were so popular every shop had one ? Or maybe even more than one ? This was based on black and white blocks that came with block border instructions . ( I may have talked about this one before ) The blocks were finished and I had a couple that needed to be fixed . Then I needed to decide on those block borders . There were some really good ideas and some that were really detailed . I thought it might be quicker to go with something simpler . These were done with a partial seam technique which means I could cut all my strips the same size and at the same time . I have found that I really don 't mind partial seams . Y - seams on the other hand … . well , I have not developed a taste for those yet . Anyway , the blocks are completed and I have to wrap my head around how I want to set them . I have at least one idea kicking around so we will see if I can get back to these or if I will need to let it gel for a little longer . I 'm sure you have projects like that as well . This one is another Block Of The Month ( I told you I had a lot of those ! ) . I remember when we started this one that there were some coordinating fabrics and I didn 't like them so I didn 't buy any of them . Of course , this means that I 'm on my own for finding fabric to finish off the quilt and after raiding my stash I think I found the perfect stuff . Don 't you love those fireworks ? I couldn 't tell you how long ago I found it , so I had to have my husband do some serious math to make sure that what I have will work for what I have in mind . I will have to be very careful in my cutting , but the numbers indicate that things should work out … but it will be very close . Oh , and the hubster is a math guy so while quilt geometry is not his favorite thing , he is able to help me with the more difficult math . Here are all the blocks finally finished . I had to laugh because after talking with Inez about ideas for setting , she went home and while cleaning in her sewing room discovered that she had done the same BOM only she had purchased the coordinating fabric . I had to laugh because we have both had these sitting around waiting to be finished for quite some time . This is the one that threw off my list . I had this as a completed top ( go figure - another BOM ) and had tried to give it away at least twice . As it turns out a teacher 's aide at my son 's school started going through some health stuff and as the school colors are blue and gold I volunteered to donate this top for her . I had been kicking the idea around trying to figure if I had enough time to see it all the way through but when talking to the teacher , I just opened my mouth and volunteered it . I knew it was the right thing to do , but I hadn 't made a final decision until we were chatting . There happens to be a lot of open space on it and so I took it in to the teacher and asked for the children to draw pictures for her on the open yellow spaces . They had a great time and did a great job and hopefully felt that they were doing something positive for their friend . Of course that meant that I had to hurry up and quilt / bind it so it could be gifted out . It has been delivered to her and hopefully it is bringing her comfort and joy . Lastly , I have yet another BOM . I use that term loosely with this project but it does fit the definition . Once a month Northcott fabric company had published a small quilt / block pattern in a Flower of the Month series . I have ( of course ) purchased all twelve of them but have completed ( fully completed ) none of them . I can 't even remember which year this was , but I want to say 2007 . I have January to the point where it needs to be bound and that 's as far as I have gotten . This one is April and the kits are cut generously enough that I can get the small quilt and a block out of each one . At least I can for the two that I have gotten to this point . Northcott also put out a coordinating panel for their Flower of the Month and I picked that up thinking that I could work something with extra flower fabric from the kits but now I am thinking I could surely do something with the panel and the extra block . I think that will be a UFO for next year though … . And that was my February . It was a short month , but I did get quite a few things accomplished . I 've managed a couple of things for March , but had to go off list again for a school charity and now have a boring thing to do on one of my oldest UFO 's . I 'm hoping that I can get it completed because I would really like to get this UFO off my list . I did manage to get two more of those Flower of the Month in there as well . Now we will see how much more I can get accomplished . Thanks again Vera ! I really am enjoying getting back in touch with some older projects and moving some of them into my pile of Needs - to - be - Quilted . I suppose I should be watching for some major sales on batting . I 'm even more glad to be out of my funk and getting back to normal things ( like writing ! ) . Here 's to hoping that March is productive in every sense . I really didn 't make it this month . I was kinda close though . I did get the sashing sewn on to the flowers and all they need is the border . I know , they aren 't the best pictures , but at least I came close to finishing this UFO . I 'll bet getting that border on before the week is out and then I can call it complete . Of course I still need to get my star done and the new one comes out tomorrow . I hope to get some of that done yet this week as well . We shall see how it goes . Plus I need to pick the next UFO to tackle . If nothing else , I 'm not doing too badly at carving out a little sewing time during the week . With it now being summer break , I was worried about losing all of my sewing time . So far , that hasn 't been the case . It seems like I will be able to still make it work . I won 't bore you with all my details , but I 've been working on a theme a week for summer break . This week we are doing a Superhero theme this week . If you are curious , you can read more about my exploits with the boys here . Mainly I use the Smallest One 's nap time as a quiet time for the older one to do things like his own craft or reading or playing a video game which still gives me a chance to get a little sewing done . As far as the 10K stepping , well , this week was easier than last ( yea ! ) and I was able to make that goal 4 times this week . I was a little surprised that it wasn 't much harder to reach and seemed a little easier than 8K . I 'm not sure why but I am going with it . I have instituted a little exercise each day with the boys where I get in at least 20 minutes of walking while they do jumping jacks or running or silly goofy things to get their bodies moving . It 's working and I 'm glad for that . I have my work cut out for me this month and I 'm hoping to really get a good start on it during this week . It always feels like there is more to do than hours in a day , doesn 't it ? Maybe that 's my motivation kicking in … . that would be a good thing . Well , of course not literally … but I did manage to make 7k steps every day for the week so I 'm feeling pretty good about that . This week I will shoot for the same goal and maybe next week I can bump it up to 8k . Baby steps … baby steps . Which is how my quilting is coming along as well … . baby steps . My indigo is soaked and laundered and needs to be pressed . Then I have to do math since this print is directional as well . I did add the first border but I 'll save pictures until the second one is added . I 've also made some serious progress on my star block of the month . The pie pieces are almost assembled and then I can get the block together . One more good session in my sewing room and I should be able to knock that out and get things prepped for the second border . It 's taken a while , but at last I have progress for this month and I should be able to get my UFO completed although I most likely will not be able to get much , if any , other sewing projects done . I wonder which UFO I will pull together next ? At this point , even I 'm not sure . At this point I feel as though I should make a confession . Hello , my name if Opal and I am a quilter that has not been to Paducah for Quilt Week . Whew , I feel much better now . I 'm sure some of you have been or maybe even go yearly . I saw that for 2017 they are also having a Fall Quilt Week . Isn 't that exciting ? I hope it goes well so that they offer it again . Well , really the most exciting part of all this is that the Monkeys are thinking that it is time for us to descend on Paducah ! So , if you have been and / or are regular goers to Quilt Week I would love to hear any tips you may have for when you go ! I definitely would like to visit Hancock 's of Paducah . < sigh > I think that will be some happy fabric dreaming for me . In the meantime , I need to get some of those UFO 's taken care of so I can shop with abandon . After all , if I can get completely caught up on my UFO 's , well , then I 'll just need to get some more projects , won 't I ? Plus I will have a whole year to save to that makes it budget friendly as well ( because I have enough UFO 's to keep me busy so I don 't really need to go shopping , unless I need something for a UFO . ) . I 'm so excited ! I suppose that is really all that I 've been working on . I started an afghan for my husband because I was on a crocheting roll and he had picked out some yarn eons ago and I thought while I was in the mood I should get to work on it . Now , it feels like I may have a bit of tendonitis in my elbow … at least as best as I can figure without going to the Dr . ( don 't yell at me Hazel ) . So , I 've been icing it today and will do some real resting of it this week . I thought it was because of the yoga I was trying . No , I 'm not trying to find excuses . Really . Part of the yoga DVD I was doing had a bit of floor work including planking and downward dog . The reason that I started doing yoga ( and all this stepping ) is so I can lose some weight . Like say , more than 30 lbs . I thought that maybe I was straining myself with the floor exercises because of my extra fluff . So , I stopped . I do miss it though and was hoping in a week or two with some rest it would be back to normal . Not so much . So , I racked my brain a bit and realized that I went through this when Small Blonde was of a certain age and weight … . where he still liked to be carried but his weight was making it a bit prohibitive for me to be able to do it well . Little Red is reaching the same point and I really only have one good arm . The other one is all scarred up from my trip through a plate - glass window . The arm is good , but he 's squirmy and then he rubs up against the scar and it just doesn 't feel good . So , that leaves me one arm to constantly carry , wrestle , and subdue this small human that we call Tiny Grizzly . In my mind that means it was inevitable that I would have another bout of this when this small boy reached similar weight . For the record he is 35 lbs and has no regard for his personal safety when the thrashing tantrums take over . Thankfully he can now climb in and out of his car seat so that makes things a little easier when he is amenable to such things . Well , that was certainly a whole lot about me ! I suppose I should close with some quilting ! Here is a long arm quilter that I admire . You can find her blog here . Her name is Judi Madsen and even her blog and online store have a great name - Green Fairy Quilts . Anyway , she has some amazing pictures and I visit her blog when I am in need of inspiration . Maybe you will find some there , too . She does some amazing things and I wish I had half of her vision . However , I did finish the second baby afghan although I did not get it mailed off like I had originally planned . I do plan on it for this week . I did take a better picture just so I could share . So here it is in all it 's glory although I didn 't get it hanging quite straight … . At least I did get something done ! I did go spend some time in my sewing room although I hoped to actually get some sewing done . Instead , I put some things away and unearthed another UFO that I would like to add to my list of UFO 's competed this year . There is one small difficulty , this quilt is like eating an elephant and I think that each month I 'll just have to take small bites . Why you ask ? Well , it 's an appliqué quilt and I am not so fast at that . For this particular quilt I did a block of the month through the mail from Storyquilts . com . The pattern is by Helene Knott . Unfortunately , I don 't really have anything for you to click . I headed out to Story Quilts and see that they are now closed . Helene Knott 's website was a little confusing to me , it is more of a blog and I was expecting a site where I could purchase patterns . However , she does have pictures so you can see her latest and greatest patterns ! If you google her name you can see some of her patterns . The ones I like are the Garden Patch Cats and her Bloomin ' Dogs . I don 't have much in either series but you can google them and see some of her patterns . They look like a lot of fun . Anyway , the one that I am working on is called Temple Guardians . You can see the full quilt here . I 'm not terribly far but I 'm hoping that I will learn to improve my appliqué skills . Each month the pattern came with an installment of a story ( but I won 't spoil that for you ) . The Temple Guardians are Siamese cat . They came with blue fabric for the eyes . However , I had a cat at the time who was a tortoiseshell and had the build of a Siamese and whose eyes were green . So , I changed them out with the thought that these cats would always make me think of her and because I can never leave anything well enough alone . As you can see , the eyes didn 't go so well . And I 'm not sure that I really like the fabric I first chose so I have gone through my stash to see if I could find something that I like better and I found two . I think I like the top one better , but I need to sleep on it a little bit more . Maybe I 'll make a decision as I get the second block finished . Either way , those eyes are coming off and I 'll see about doing a better job on the next set . Here is the second block . There is supposed to be a bit of pink tongue curling out , but I 'm not sure that I will add that and I don 't think that I will be missing that part . I do need to appliqué the head and make my final decision on the eyes . I could do half of the blocks with one and half of the blocks with the other , but I think I would like it better if they were all the same . Anyway , here is the block . Oh ! I did get my indigo fabric soaked . Since the shop owner suggested that I soak it , I was surprised to find that there wasn 't any dye leaching out . So , now that the main body of the top is pressed and the inner border is pressed I suppose that I really should get that inner border cut and sewn on . I got a little stumped because it is a directional print and I don 't want to make a mistake in my math before I start cutting . Next is to double - check my math and get that fabric cut ! That should set me well on my way to getting this UFO complete . Of course my outside border is also a directional print so I 'll just have to make sure my math is good for that round as well . Hopefully , you are doing well on your endeavors . I 've been doing okay on keeping with my 7k step goal . Since it was a bit of a struggle this week , I think I 'll stay on 7k for this week as well . Hopefully I can bump up to 8k next week and inch myself even closer to that 10k step goal . Wish me luck ! Yep , I 'm still at it - or trying to just like I 'm sure we all are . Some days I am just better at it than others . I 've been working harder to make the step counter I wear something more than just something on my wrist . Last week I was making it to 7k steps . Not to far from that ever elusive 10k . This week I hope to repeat that as it was a bit of a struggle some days . You know how it goes … but hey , every morning I get a chance to try again . Oh , before I forget , here are a couple of pictures of the afghans . I completely forgot to take a picture of the one when it was actually completed . I had taken a picture trying to decide which yarn to work for the border so that is what I have to share . I decided to go with the white . I 'm sure you would have chosen the same . As for the second one , why yes , they are Ohio State fans ! At least that is where I had gotten my inspiration . Originally I was going to do something with some camouflaged colored yarn I picked up and then pull out solids from the colors of that . The more I worked on it the more I just didn 't like it . I might not have had the exact right colors or maybe the yarn didn 't feel right , I 'm not sure . I just know that the more I worked on it the more I hated it and the less I wanted to work on it . Do you have any projects like that ? I think I will be uncovering some as I go through my UFO 's … . maybe now enough time has passed that I can finish them ( whichever ones they are , although that may be influencing which projects I pick to work on ) . Of course , then I was left feeling guilty that I wasn 't getting that baby gift done and then inspiration hit - they posted some family photos that were taken with all of them in Ohio State garb . I didn 't even have to think twice about it and picked up some colors the next day and made a decision to go with a ripple pattern so I could get it done fairly quickly . I 'm pretty tickled about being almost done and it should be out in the mail before the end of this week . Maybe even as early as tomorrow ! Lastly , I still have some indigo fabric that needs soaking . I think I 'll try to get that started this evening as well … after all I don 't have to do a whole lot there … . then I can get it through the dryer and maybe I can even entertain cutting it tomorrow as well . Here is that fabric . The heavily gilded one is my inside border and lastly , here is the quilt that they will be surrounding . You may remember my rabbit panel . Hazel and Sandra Dee also loved the panel so much that Hazel found it online and ordered it . At the last retreat they brokered a deal so that Sandra Dee ended up with it . While shopping at retreat Sandra Dee even picked out fabrics and a pattern and started getting some blocks done . I 'll admit , she has some awesome choices and her quilt is going to turn out to be very sophisticated in appearance . I 'm excited to see it done . I 'm sure she is too . I guess that is a little progress . Hopefully when we meet next I 'll have those borders on the rabbit quilt . I know that you can see in the picture that some of my edges are not lining up quite right . Believe me , I do know . However , I did start this quilt quite a few years ago and skills have improved since then . I 'm glad that is almost finished and no , I won 't be taking anything out to fix it . Sometimes I think we need to let them stand . my earlier quilts show a progression in my skills and I think that is something to be proud of . With this quilt I had to redraft the blocks to fit the size of the rabbits as the center square so it really was a learning process from start to finish . Especially since some of the pieces had to be cut by the dreaded 3 / 8 ″ , 7 / 8 ″ , 1 / 8 ″ . That is exactly how I 'm feeling - that I am UFO central . This past week I spent a bit of time working in my sewing room . Mainly because I want to find space for a designated cutting table . I 'm coming to terms that I may not be able to make my dream table work , but that is okay . I 've got another option . It 's a kitchen cart that we no longer need in the kitchen . It has 2 drawers with would be great for cutting utensils and two shelves underneath that I can use for storage of something . Maybe my scrap bins would work well under there . I think the wheels will be minimal trouble … Anyway - I went through more of my UFO 's and I discovered that I could rearrange them a little and open up some space , or should I say that I was able to downsize the storage needed for my UFO 's a little . I also found that I have some UFO 's that should be easily completed . Three have all the blocks completed although only one of them has the setting triangles ready to go . The other two need some sashing fabric and setting triangle fabric . There is even one that only needs borders and they are at least cut and just need to be trimmed to size and added to the quilt . That will probably be the easiest one to finish up . Plus I had some fabrics put aside to use in a project where I just hadn 't picked the pattern and I got around to putting that to order as well . I 'm really feeling optimistic about being able to knock out quite a few of my UFO 's and starting to get them under control . So far , I have been diligently working on the Joann 's block of the month . This one was a little more interesting ( even though it was precut pieces ) . This time each month encourages you to try some different techniques . There was some basic piecing and appliqué , but also partial seams and cutting with templates and on the last block Y - seams . I 've gotten all but the last block completed - and I 'm delaying a little because of those Y - seams . I 've tried them before and it didn 't go so well . These do have some explicit instructions so I 'll give them a go and see if it doesn 't work out for me . At least it is the last block and then I will switch over to the stained glass paper pieced block . I really want to get going on that one so I don 't get behind . I hope to at least have some pictures of the completed blocks from my UFO and the start of my paper pieced block . Wish me luck ! I hope you are doing well on your Revolutions . I 've not had much luck on some of my other revolutions , but tomorrow is a new day and a chance to start again and I am looking forward to that . All we can do is just keep trying - we only fail when we stop trying . Oh ! If you are working along with me on getting your UFO 's completed , please feel free to post any pictures in the comments . It 's like show and tell and I just love show and tell . I 'll try to not have your completed UFO 's turn into new UFO 's for me … . . The Monkeys should be gearing up soon as retreat is coming up in March . I know that seems like a long ways away , but we both know it will be here any minute . We just want to be prepared . When I last left you , I was basking in the glow of an accomplished goal . I seriously debated picking up another UFO and continuing this wonderful feel - good - feeling . However , I then remembered that I have a Project In Progress ( PIP ) . The world is much more fun with acronyms isn 't it ? Anyway , I had the next UFO in my hands looking it over when I happened to glance up and see that project I am supposed to really be working on . I didn 't want to put that UFO down , but I did . Then I got myself organized for the PIP , which is one of the wedding quilts that I haven 't finished ( and I recently learned that I will have another that needs doing as well ! ) . For the past week I have been diligently working on the paper piecing for this project . Yep , it 's paper piecing again . This one is much simpler that that lovely star we 've been doing . There are 3 separate paper pieced units . I completed all of the first part . Currently I am working on the second part of which there are 97 units . The third is only 54 units so I 'm sure you can imagine that I am looking forward to getting through what feels like a daunting task of 97 units . Currently I have 44 completed and another 20 in progress . I 'm sure it won 't take too much longer to finish them , but it certainly feels like it . Ahh well , I did choose the pattern for a reason and I am looking forward to starting to assemble the units and see this quilt come together . I would post pictures , but as it is a gift I will have to refrain until it gets sent off to its new owners . You know , have to keep the element of surprise . If nothing else , I do feel somewhat productive although my crafting space has become a bit on the disorganized side ( and that 's putting it mildly ) . I have gone through the house and managed to drag all my miscellaneous projects that I have managed to drop here and there throughout the house back up to my craft room . However , that means it 's time to go through and get more stuff put away . Plus there is that table that I 've been thinking about and if I have any hope of putting it in my room I need to get some things organized . Sounds like January is turning out to be a productive month ! I hope yours is too !
|
It 's the thought that counts and it 's a nice gesture . Thank you , Roess family , for remembering your mother and your grandmother and your mother - in - law at this sad time for her . It 's a funny thing : though we try to hide we cannot . We tend to think that life will be paused while we 're away but it doesn 't work like that . Life - and death - goes on with you or without you . What will be next ? We could not keep her a moment longer . We did all we could and she departed in peace surrounded by her family . We 'll talk in more detail later and can reminisce at length . Today is a day of reflection and sadness to see her go . We will really miss her . But there is no question but that she is at last at ease and at peace such as she has not experienced for a long time . If you find this whole idea counter - intuitive , don 't worry ! You 're not alone . At first glance , it really does seem like the population is sky - rocketing . That 's because we 're still adding a billion every few decades . . . and a billion people is a lot of people . Our conclusion was : No . Jesus spoke sharply against the rich and the powerful . He had no time for sin . But stooping to argue about who said what and how in the right way did not become a part of his life . by Heinrich BalzerThe Apostle Paul wrote , " Live in harmony with one another . Do not be proud , but be willing to associate with people of low position . Do not be conceited , " ( Romans 12 : 16 ) . Without a doubt , if you walk with Christ in a humble way , you will discover peace , no matter how it goes . And if you have food and clothes , why worry ? Why complain ? This is all we need . The pursuit of greater wealth would only be harmful to all believers , everywhere . And more prestigious positions in the world , would do nothing but destroy them . For this reason , Matthew wrote , " For what is a man profited , if he shall gain the whole world , and lose his own soul ? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul ? " ( Matthew 16 : 26 ) . Everything we have that we do not need is a great problem , a hindrance to everlasting salvation . Neither do any unnecessary possessions fit to the real simplicity of the Gospel or to those who have gone before us in humble faith . Once we get involved and interested in the world , the more things you have , the more you will need . This is a faithful observation : The more you think about the world , the more you will love the world , and the world will love you . Worldly knowledge will make sense to you then . It will attract you , and finally the love of the world will drag you away from God . We need to stay vigilant and careful so that our young people , the tender plants in our community , will not get confused and forget the foundations of true faith . In the light of this , it is indeed most necessary for us to teach our children in a thorough and effective way , in the light of Godly Wisdom . Carefully , with diligence , we need to teach our children to read , to write , to sing , to grasp mathematics , and to understand everything that might be of advantage as they live as humble labourers in the country . All practical knowledge is useful and we may study it for the glory of God . But what we call worldly knowledge , studying things we cannot know about for sure , all sorts of philosophies and complicated ideas , is a completely different matter . " Knowledge puffs up , " according to 1 Corinthians 8 : 1 , while to obtain worldly knowledge takes incredible energy , thought , resources and time . Everything that causes us to lose the simplicity of Christ . For this reason I beg all of you - every one of you who belong to the church - community of Christ - do not waste your lives to obtain knowledge that will all blow away when you die . Do not waste all of your time for supposed benefits that do not last , and certainly do not throw your precious sons and daughters into that quagmire , from which it would be extremely difficult to escape and be saved . My council is , keep your children in practical simple pursuits . Do not mess up their brains with all kinds of senseless and unnecessary information . Much worthless knowledge that does nothing other but confuse , corrupt , and eventually destroy all spiritual life . So much damage and loss , so much trouble and fear , and finally everlasting destruction ( 1 Corinthians 1 : 29 - 27 ) . Why should you want a prestigious degree for your children ? Would it do them any good , as far as the Church community is concerned , or as far as eternal life ? Much rather , train up your children in real Christian sincerity . Pay attention to your children . Spend time with them , work with them from their earliest years , as much as possible , so that they are not woven into all sorts of amusements and unwholesome activities among the unconverted . Many pleasures , things that take place after dark , in weddings and the like , easily lead the young into the disorder and tragedy of the world . Sadly not only young people have gotten involved in this . Yet all of what we believe and what we confess comes from another source . Innocent pleasures , if the Lord is not in them , quickly slide into all sorts of problems and sin , leading the innocent captive . But when we will stand before God we will need to give account for everything we did . Without hesitation , many Christians in our day support their country through military service , using the oath , suing others if nWithout this - without obedience and humility - our faith is worthless . Nothing but an empty shell . Let no one get tricked or deceived , thinking , " If everyone else is allowed to do it , I may do it too ! " Paul said , " What does not come from faith , is sin " ( Romans 14 : 23 ) . Yes , we need to allow all people everywhere , to live according to their convictions . Every person stands and falls before God , on his own . Along with this , we are responsible to God for what we know and believe - everything we have confessed on bended knees . No matter what anyone else does , we are totally responsible to God . It is our duty to obey God according to what he gave us , and this is the obligation of our conscience : Faithful to God , faithful to all that we learn and follow in life as long as we live . Let everyone take heed ! We believe that salvation and eternal blessedness only comes by grace through faith in Jesus Christ . But judgement , at the end , does not come from grace . It will come entirely from what we Christian believers have done , or not done , while living here on earth . The things we do are directly connected with what will finally save or condemn us . Here is wisdom , and I hope you take it seriously : " One person considers one day more sacred than another ; another considers every day alike . Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind , " ( Romans 14 : 5 ) . It is nothing but hypocrisy if I publicly confess what I believe , but act and speak contrarily in private . Neither does it stack up if I declare what is right but support what is wrong . If I act like this , what do you expect ? Nothing will come of this but more confusion , more doubts among the weak , and finally the shipwreck of faith . One way this can happen is through reading . Reading books , reading papers , reading all sorts of exciting , colourful and very attractively presented stories . Do not think this only affects the unconverted . Any one of us , all of us who know how to read and enjoy it , stand in some danger . You must know what I mean . Many stories and books that show up , may be in fact based on true happenings . But the more captivating it comes , the more subtle and powerfully destructive its influence may be . Unless the authors are really Spiritually in - tune with God , their slant is almost invariably into what is wrong , into the world , and away from eternal Truth . Especially in our adolescent years , all sorts of literature easily sways our impressions and convictions . All sorts of accounts and ideas easily twist our simplicity into corruption . And all of this comes from weaving truth into cleverly twisted impressions in our minds . Through reading the newspapers , hearing what the world says , everything gets distorted . Truth and lies all get entangled until all undiscerning readers get snared , needing more and more false information to satisfy their growing appetite for what God hates . I sincerely warn all of you . Watch out ! Worldly knowledge is struggling fiercely for an overall victory . And the enemy will not rest until the last spark of Christ - like simplicity is extinguished , or at least made totally incapable and worthless . All of this will become apparent when the wicked one will come , revealed at the end of time . The teachers and leaders of the Church stand responsible to keep everything firm and upright , steering the Church like a ship through stormy waters . In this time , in these situations , it is most desperately necessary that the leaders of the Church direct everything in the right way , in love . Everyone working one with another , with the leaders and all the members , in unity and respect . Yes , there will be different opinions . We all have ideas on how to work things out , within the boundaries of Scriptural Truth . But everything is possible , everything can be done in the peace of Christ , if we love one another . The Grace of God is well capable of awakening and warning the Church , providing the members take heed . One believer notices this , the other one notices that . Together , they can help one another to stay on track . Up on the high wall , one watchman may see danger coming and blows the trumpet . Down in his house , praying in his closet , listing to God , another one will catch on what is happening . With both of them working together they may stay alert and awake , so above all , watch out that you do not fall into a lack of love looking down on another , not appreciating one another in the Spirit of Christ . True love produces unity . Unity produces strength . Spiritual strength keeps us from falling into disaster . With this picture Raph writes - Tell Kripper : It goes to show that CDN can mean different things to different people . : - ) Oh , by the way , the show they are at is Funé2011 - - the biannual mortuary exhibition and the biggest in the country ! Apparently everybody who is anybody in the undertaking trade is there . We decided to go at the insistence of one of our big customers who is helping us to sell our software , called Neptune . You know this blog is a cooperative affair with me filling the role of resident editor , a job to be carried out when no one else is inspired . Today we have a rare treat : some thoughts from my better half , Sarah . Simple in content , deep in meaning . Enjoy and comment . The background was this weekend 's emphasis on reflection as we marked the eleventh of November . Recently , during an email conversation about Remembrance Sunday celebrations in the UK , she was asked if we have any activities around the 11th of November and , what is called in England , Remembrance Sunday . Well , yes , we do . This year we went to the village where Olly , Christine , David and Susanne go to school as Christine had something to read during the ceremonies on the village square . There was a marching band and all the typical things that are done . We found out later that apparently Olly had refused to do the reading , and as I was wondering why , the teacher came up and told me that Olly had caused a big debate in the classroom ! With typical candour , he had said it would have been better for us to have all become German than to send all those young men to die in the war ! I realized afterwards that the text was against pacifism , but not knowing at the time I was a bit stunned by Olly 's remarks but gave no answer to the teacher . Well , as the ceremony went on and we all listened to a letter addressed to the nation from our President , I was shocked by what I perceived as an emotive , manipulative speech meant to fall on the ears of foggy - minded people ! Doesn 't anyone see that he was making such comparisons between things that can 't be compared ? During the World Wars , if I understand correctly ( and I 'm starting to wonder ) , we were defending ourselves and each other , whereas now , we are the aggressors against people who don 't have the means to defend themselves ! Thinking a bit more about it I realized that in reality , we 're losing a war now , in our own countries , and the hidden enemy is getting , or has already got the upper - hand ! Isn 't that what happened in Russia after the Bolshevik revolution ? So why is it happening to us now ? Did we have a revolution when we weren 't looking ? While the powers - that - be allow a display of national feeling in the way of delusive and meaningless salutes and anthems , our world is slipping away from us imperceptively day by day in a war that we , as a people are not fighting , a war of intimidation and falsehoods . If we are to resurface as a people , I don 't believe it will be without many martyrs , real soldiers fighting truly for the futures of our offspring . That 's where the true fight for freedom should be going on , these others are just wars launched by murderers and thieves , blood - thirsty and covetous bullies , sending out believing and innocent young men and women to do their dirty work . Let 's step back and look at things objectively and unemotionally . ; doesn 't it say on the book of First John ; " Be not deceived , he that doeth good is good , he that doeth evil is evil . " ? Who did the aggression , the Afghanis or us , Colonel Gadaffi or NATO . To remain silent is to consent . All it took was convincing Christine and Céline ( easy ) and we were off ! The château and park are just over an hour away and the day was sunny and warm . This led to two hours of heavenly serenades for the happy driver ! NOTE : The poor and needy are a priority with God . The Bible makes this very clear , from the Old Testament to the New . The widow and the orphan are at the forefront of His concern . A timely comment on this topic is below . I live in Nashville where more Bibles are printed than anywhere else in the world . We have more Christian publishing houses in Nashville than anywhere else on the face of the earth - more churches per square mile - and , outside the Vatican , a greater percentage of bodies in buildings on Sunday morning than anywhere else on earth . So we in Nashville have a better chance to get it right , wouldn 't you say ? and pastor them . We can 't even get it right enough for every church to reach out to 4 homeless people . And yes , that includes children as young as they get . I 'd like you to read this . It is well - written and worth reading and comes from a website normally given to health and good - eating issues . This man is a doctor and is someone who seems to be a reasonable and a very nice person . I 'm glad to be able to send you there . When I first mentioned to my parents about a year ago that we were thinking of home - schooling , my father made it clear that he could not accept this decision . He was absolutely certain that home - schooling would destroy our boys ' lives , and he wasn 't going to sit back and let this happen to his grandsons . He threatened to never see us again unless we sent our boys to school . It didn 't take long for me to realize that he would not consider our thoughts on home - schooling . As he lost his temper , he told me that I had destroyed our boys ' lives , that he would never forgive me , and that I had cheated him . Just before he hung up on me , he screamed that his two grandsons were walking into a burning building . Sitting at my desk with a dial tone in my ear , I was shaken . It was nothing new to be at the receiving end of my father 's wrath , bewildered by not fully understanding why he was so angry . But this time , for reasons I couldn 't identify , I felt like he inflicted a permanent wound . How could he be so certain that he was right and that our decision to home - school was wrong ? Why couldn 't he at least consider some of our reasons for home - schooling ? And the most difficult thought for me to reflect on : How could he say that he would never forgive me for this decision ? As a father of two boys , I simply cannot imagine saying such a thing to either of my sons - to me , it 's like telling my boys that I don 't care about them . Over the next couple of weeks , I tried to find peace within . I reflected in solitude and sought counsel from those I 'm closest to . I had to believe that there wasn 't much I could do about my father 's tyrannical approach to dealing with conflict . I had exerted genuine effort to reconcile with him , and he responded by puncturing my heart with his anger . What more could I do ? Over the past two decades , my older sister has been able to approach her relationship with our father with just enough apathy to preserve her health . She decided long ago that her feelings were not a top priority in his life , so she would not make his feelings a top priority in hers . And in knowing her all this time , I can see that this approach works for her . She is happily married , has a fulfilling professional career , and is delighted to be a mom to my treasured niece . She isn 't held captive by feelings of sadness or guilt over not having a closer relationship with our father . But alas , it didn 't take me long to realize that to be indifferent to my father - as much as I sometimes feel his behaviour justifies this - is not to preserve my health , but to more quickly erode it . My hard - wiring is different from that of my older sister 's . I don 't feel more at peace by giving him a stiff arm . I feel more anguish by the day . Why my hard - wiring is this way , I don 't know . He did give me the gift of being confident in my abilities . As a five or six year old , I remember lying beside him in bed while he would list all of the things I was good at . Our times playing catch in the backyard - even the time when I accidentally launched a ball through a basement window - are bitter - sweet for me - bitter because I was always one mistake away from his disapproval , and sweet because nothing felt as good as seeing my father proud of my abilities . Maybe these and other similar memories that are deeply embedded into my grey matter are responsible for me not having the mechanism that my older sister has to cut off when indicated and move forward . Bottom line : Indifference wasn 't working . So I decided that to care for myself and those who are affected by my health status ( mainly Margaret , our boys , and my mom ) , I needed to find a way to reconcile with my father . With this goal in mind , I turned to the one thing that I have found to be consistently effective in soothing my own hurt feelings : I tried to get into my father 's head . • When my father thinks of school , I imagine that he remembers sitting at attention with his friends in class , thirsting to please their teachers and earn top grades . I think he remembers being able to talk and joke freely with his peers during recess , something that was impossible at home around his parents , where children of that generation and culture didn 't have an open invitation to make requests or bring up their own ideas in front of their father . To him , going to school was liberating . It was a place where he could learn , hope , and dream . • Even today , Korean culture is such that when all of us sit down to eat together , none of us dares lift up a spoon or chopsticks until our father has eaten his first mouthful . In traditional Korean families , the father is King . Though he doesn 't necessarily relish everyday displays of subservience , he expects them and accepts them as normal , just as the rest of us do . Marinating in these and other thoughts gave me the strength I needed to call him one more time . It wasn 't an easy conversation , but a conversation it was . Ultimately , I knew that he desperately missed seeing his grandsons . I also knew that he would not change his stance on public vs . home - schooling . He made it clear that he knew he was right , and that he had zero interest in hearing our thoughts on why we decided to home - school for now . As frustrated as I was with his stance , my goal was to make it possible for him and my mom to visit and spend time with their grandsons . So I repeatedly emphasized that I understood that his stance was out of his love and concern for our boys . I stressed that Margaret and I have hopes and dreams for our boys , just as he does . I told him that I understood that he felt that we were going to fail , and I asked him to try to trust us and to hope that our efforts turn out to be good for our sons . I felt a wave of exasperation . I wanted to tell him that this was one of ten thousand examples of his self - centeredness . It 's good to have dreams , and I 'm glad that you love your grandsons this much , but you ripped my heart up because all you could focus on was your dream ? These are our boys , and we have dreams , too , dreams for them , and this is why we as their parents are making the sacrifice of home - schooling our sons . I asked him if he was okay if I brought the boys for a visit sometime . Though I knew he wanted this more than anything , his pride wouldn 't allow him to say yes . After several seconds of silence , all he could manage was a quiet " you decide . " But I had to know that he wouldn 't give our boys pressure about going to public school . So I said , " dad , I just want to know that you won 't give Joshua and Noah pressure to go to school , that in front of them , you 'll be supportive . " He immediately cut me off and told me that this was a great insult . How could I think that he , a 69 - year old man , would give his 6 - year old grandson that kind of pressure ? I suspect that my father is similar to most people whose family members have strongly considered giving up on . He has good intentions . He fully believes in his own righteousness . He feels moved by God Himself to correct faulty life decisions by his children . As the seventh of eight siblings growing up in a one - room home in South Korea , he was the only one who would help his grandmother to her chamber pot whenever she needed to go . He would wipe her clean while some of his siblings complained about the wretched smell . Why did he do this ? Because his maternal grandmother often held him in her lap . She told him stories , mainly about Jesus . She prayed for him . To a boy who rarely if ever received an ounce of physical affection from his exhausted and likely disillusioned parents , the love that he received from his grandmother was probably more life - sustaining than bowls of rice , broth , and kim chi . How do I know this about my father 's childhood ? My father 's oldest sister , my dear aunt in New York City , told me . The thing is , none of these details likely matter to most of the people that my father has interacted with over the years . Why would acquaintances put aside their hurt feelings and judgements to consider why my father sometimes behaves like a tyrannical dictator ? And this is why at 69 years of age , at heart , I believe that my father feels like his life has mostly been a failure . It 's also why he feels that many people have committed great crimes against him , like how I cheated him of his dream to walk his two grandsons to and from school . How do you save a person like my father from his self destructive ways of thinking and being ? I hope that I 'm wrong , but I no longer believe you can . A person can 't change into something that he can 't feel . A person can 't give something that he doesn 't have . Just as you get orange juice when you squeeze an orange , when you squeeze my dad at this point in his life , you get mostly a cocktail of grievances . I 'm relatively certain that our recent rift over home - schooling isn 't the last time my father will feel that I have wronged him . It won 't be the last time that I will feel like my father doesn 't care about my feelings . If this experience has taught me anything , it 's that for me and my dad , I need to find a way to reconcile . I don 't really know how to handle the alternative . More than anything else , I write all of this as a release for my endocrine and nervous systems . Yes , my father may stumble upon this post , and if he does , well , dad , you know that I have expressed every thought here to you in person . You know that I haven 't asked you for a thing since I was about 20 years old . You know that despite my flaws , I have tried to be a good son . So please forgive me for insulting you and please know that I needed to write this with hope that it will mean something to someone out there . April 9 , 2011 - In the name of Allah , the beneficent , the merciful . For 40 years , or was it longer , I can 't remember , I did all I could to give people houses , hospitals , schools , and when they were hungry , I gave them food . I even made Benghazi into farmland from the desert . I stood up to attacks from that cowboy Reagan . When he killed my adopted orphaned daughter , he was trying to kill me . Instead he killed that poor innocent child . No , no matter what I did , it was never enough for some . But for others , they knew I was the son of Gamal Abdel Nasser , the only true Arab and Muslim leader we 've had since Salah ' a ' Deen , when he claimed the Suez Canal for his people , as I claimed Libya for my people . It was his footsteps I tried to follow , to keep my people free from colonial domination - from thieves who would steal from us . Now , I am under attack by the biggest force in military history . My little African son , Obama wants to kill me , to take away the freedom of our country , to take away our free housing , our free medicine , our free education , our free food , and replace it with American style thievery , called " capitalism . " But all of us in the Third World know what that means . It means corporations run the countries , run the world , and the people suffer , so there is no alternative for me . I must make my stand , and if Allah wishes , I shall die by following his path , the path that has made our country rich with farmland , with food and health , and even allowed us to help our African and Arab brothers and sisters to work here with us , in the Libyan Jammohouriyah . In the West , some have called me " mad , " " crazy , " but they know the truth but continue to lie . They know that our land is independent and free , not in the colonial grip , that my vision , my path , is , and has been clear and for my people and that I will fight to my last breath to keep us free . May Allah almighty help us to remain faithful and free . Well , she got what she wanted , and now that Libyans have been liberated from the prosperity of their former ruler , they are free to endure the ethnic cleansing , genocide , and human rights violations without fear of Gaddafi ever coming back to build them hospitals , schools , or even roads . Don 't believe it ? Wait and see . Oh , how foolish is greed ! They did what they promised they would and they 've bombed Libya back to the stone age ! How blind a few Libyans were - obviously people under 40 who didn 't know how good they had it . But how cruel of the west and its lackeys to have treated him the way they did ! When US soldiers were seen on youtube throwing a puppy off a cliff the world was outraged . But those same people couldn 't be heard yesterday above the gloating laughter of watching the brutal murder of the head of state of what was , just six months before , a rich , beautiful , clean , and happy country . Why ? Well the current excuse for it is that Colonel Gaddafi had the nerve to stand up to AL Qaeda terrorists inside his own nation . Of course , they were called ' protesters ' by western media . In the end , NATO forces backed the Al Qaeda overthrow of Gaddafi , leaving Libya a depleted uranium dump - site and a serious power vacuum . ( This report , and the following news report , courtesy of www . brasschecktv . com ) I don 't know what to say or how to say it . This afternoon I heard on the radio that Gaddafi had been caught in his home town . I knew it had to come someday . No one could resist the combined armed forces of the West . Thousands of bombing raids , strafing and destroying and burning and killing . It took nine months but we did it . No wonder the rest of the evening 's news was full of it - everybody in celebratory mood ! It all makes me feel sad because it is all so wrong . Even if he were guilty of all they accuse him of , ( which people never are ) , it would be wrong . But here is a man who stood against the grain , against Israel , and against the Zionist bankers and their oil interests ; that 's what got him in the end . ( I had to laugh in amazement back six months ago when the new sponsored " leaders " got into Libya on the ground for within a week the very first thing they did was to establish a Libyan Central Bank . One week ! A central bank ? ) Emotive words like " dictator " and " madman " are used all the time ; nobody has a kind word to say in his defence . But his people loved him for what he 'd given . Meaningless words like " freedom " are used by on - site reporters to describe the present situation . But we 'll see . I 'm not so naive and not so young . I remember the freedom that the white , Christian , Republic of South Africa received in the early nineties . What was once a glorious and Christian culture is no more and the people apparently live now in stark fear , night and day . God judge the poor and bless the falsely maligned and the misrepresented . God bless the peace - makers and the downtrodden . Are we Christians in deed or only in word ? Jesus is the truth . And He said the poor were blessed . Blessed by who ? Not us , that 's for sure . But in the end God almighty will have the final say . Shall not the judge of all the earth do right ? Taken this afternoon here 's an un - posed shot taken by Claire of Becky and Christine just being girls together on the swing in the backyard . ( Pay no attention to the wood - shed and resultant mess at the bottom of the garden ! ) Their laughing faces say it all ! What is left for them to take ? I thank God every day that we don 't live in the city but our whole lives are earmarked for their pollution and nothing will stop them . ( Where 's José Bové now we need him ? ) Starting with our own local customers we 've since sold it to nearly fifty customers in almost every county around the world . Of course we have it all over Europe , but also in Australia and New Zealand . In North America we have clients in Arizona , Pennsylvania , and Washington , Saskatchewan and Mexico . We 've gotten orders from South Africa , Israël , and even Mongolia ! This video concentrates on the two major 9 / 11 issues : The Unidentified Planes and The Controlled Demolitions . Nothing else . It does not mention the NORAD stand - - down ; the don 't - fly and don 't - go - to - work warnings or the Dancing Israelis or any of the other anomalies and suspicious happenings . The alleged amateur suicide pilots are not mentioned , either , for obvious reasons , and I do not know what happened to the allegedly hijacked planes or their alleged passengers and crews . It is my contention that the 9 / 11 Truth Movement has got to concentrate on the most blatant and provable lies in the official story , and stop trying to be an amateur Police Precinct or a citizen 's District Attorney 's Office . The Movement must bring pressure to bear in the authorities for a new enquiry , so that the police , the FBI , the NTSB and all of the other law enforcement and investigative agencies can do what should have been done 10 years ago : Find out who was responsible for the crime of the attacks on 9 / 11 and bring them to justice . While I was thinking about a video for the 10th anniversary of 9 / 11 , an English artist named David Borrington got in touch , and asked if I would write and record some voice commentaries to be included in a set of prints that he was making for the same occasion . When I saw his strangely haunting artwork , I decided to incorporate David 's images into my video . So , my sincere thanks go to David Borrington , whose website is www . davidborrington . com This topic of course gives rise to numerous questions . But it has occurred to me that one doesn 't have to have the answer to be able to pose the question . Everyone has the right to question . We don 't have answers , we only have questions . … to shut this down . I 'm the only one in our family blogging and I believe Derrick may or may not be the only one reading this . Four months have come and . . .
|
This blog is dedicated to the stories I 've written over the years . Sometimes I get some time and add a story . Grab a hot cup of something and enjoy ! Please note that for some reason , blogger is NOT allowing me to post on any comments . So thank you for reading and know I do read all the comments but cannot reply . 9 The blizzard hit during the night without much warning . Thankfully everyone was home and safe that night and had plenty of wood and supplies . It raged for four days and nights . On the fifth day , the sun blinded everyone who managed to dig out of the snow drifts that reached higher than some of the roofs . Everyone went outside , even the baby for a few minutes to breath in the crisp cold air and bath in the sunlight . Trina made rounds to everyone 's house on a snowmobile and took small care packages of some of the wild herbal teas that she had made of Echinacea to help keep everyone 's immune systems up . The women all wanted to learn about herbs and wild edibles and Trina promised to lend books and take them out into the woods and show them all she had learned once the snows began to melt . " You sure were right about the snow , Trina . Won 't you stay for some dinner ? " asked Sally who had Serena on her hip . " That sounds wonderful ! I am getting hungry . Can I help with anything ? " " What ? How in the world have you managed to grow up without changing any baby ? " Sally was incredulous . Why hadn 't everyone changed a baby ? Burped a baby ? Fed a baby ? " Wow . That just amazes me . Well no time like the present to learn . After all , you might want to have some babies of your own someday . " Trina looked horrified . She had once dreamed of having her own family . But who would want a ' four - eyed fat girl ' ? " I doubt there is anyone left in the world that would want to marry me , let alone have kids with me . " " Why not ? You 're a beautiful young lady with many good child birthing years ahead of you . " " Me ? Beautiful ? Thank you for your kind words , but I know I 'm no beauty and accepted it a long time ago . " Trina tried to laugh it off , but the hurt and pain of years of taunting by classmates could still be seen in her eyes . Sally just looked at Trina and realized that the girl did not know how beautiful she truly was . She had an unique beauty , not a classical one ; but she was beautiful . ' hmmmm , ' thought Sally , ' this is something I 'm going to need to think on . She really has no clue . No matter , these things have a way of working out with a tiny bit of help . ' Then Sally smiled at Trina and began her lessons of the care of a very active 10 month old who loved to be naked ! Nobody else came that winter and Trina often wondered how Timothy was doing . There were many changes over the winter . Brad and Rob found some ph - something or another and stabilized all the gas and diesel in the town 's two gas stations . And solar panels were found and plans made to install them on the houses to provide some electric power to each home . The couples took turns watching kids as two couples at a time went out hunting during the winter and early spring . The fresh meat mostly consisted of rabbit and squirrel and they made sure they were many miles away from town to hunt . Two small deer herds were found in early spring but it was decided to not hunt them for as long as possible . The solar panels all found new homes with each family . Spring came slowly with warm teases through March and April and everyone was busy with their greenhouses . It was agreed that the guerrilla gardens had been a life send for the new residents of Nysa so as the women and kids tramped through the woods learning about all the wild edibles , they took plant starts with them and planted about two hundred different little gardens . Mike made the suggestion that they comb some of the valleys within a 50 mile radius and see if any cattle could be found after learning from Trina that there were at least five cattle ranches within a hundred miles of the town . Lucy and Rob volunteered to go and so did Mike . They set out in Trina 's truck with extra gas in the back and enough supplies for a month . The kids stayed with Bryce and Melanie since all the kids were being schooled and it made things easier . The schools had been raided for supplies and the kids were actually flourishing in the home schooling atmosphere . The adults had been able to incorporate learning with all aspects of life and it was much more hands on . There was still the reading , writing , arithmetic , history , and such ; but survival skills were a must - especially first aid . One day while helping to check one of the small gardens in the park , Brianna asked Trina what she was wearing around her waist . " It 's my fanny pack . I have the things I need in there in case I run into a situation that doesn 't allow me to get home . I call it my ' baby bob ' and I wear it whenever I leave the house . " Trina realized what a great idea that was . " You sure can ! I 'll tell you what , why don 't you and I make baby bobs for all the kids ? " The two of them spent the rest of the afternoon making baby bobs that were made specifically for each child . Trina was amazed at how well Brianna knew her siblings and cousins and the other kids . She knew all the favorite colors and was able to suggest some small extras according to what they liked to do . For example , Megan liked the color yellow and was fascinated by the stars so they found a really neat folding scope that fit into her baby bob . Alex liked trucks so Brianna added two small match box trucks to his baby bob . Each baby bob had a small pocket knife , first aid kit , small fishing kit that fit into an Altoids tin , another tin with snares in it , two bandanas , small package of Kleenex ( travel size ) , LED head lamp ( compliments of Wally world ) , a dozen tea bags ( some homemade ) , lighter , small fire starter , and that extra special something that was unique for each child . The adults then spent the next day teaching the kids the proper respect for the " tools " in their bags . Even Serena had her own little baby bob complete with an extra pacifier ! Lucy , Rob , and Mike were gone for almost two weeks and came back with three trucks that were pulling long horse trailers . " There are at least 50 more head of cattle out there . We were able to catch these because they are ready to drop calves in about two to three weeks . Just think , we are gonna have fresh milk ! " Lucy stated . " And look here " said Rob as he walked to the back of the last truck . In the back were ten cages of chickens ! " Fresh eggs too ! " There was a major celebration that night in the town square . Many prayers of thanks were said and even a few instruments were found and played . Mike played the guitar , Brenda played the saxophone , Michele and Michael drug a set of drums from the band room at the school , and Sally pulled out her fiddle . It wasn 't the best band in the world but it sure was the happiest , joyous , and most thankful band in the world ! " Only if you had been sent here . Can I ask your name and how you found us ? " " Sure , I 'm Amber and these rugrats are Kristopher ( 12 ) , Samuel ( 8 ) and the twins are Rebecca ( 16 ) and Robin ( 16 ) . We were traveling along that highway about a mile away and heard the music . We figured that anyone who obviously were as happy as the music sounded must be good people and so we decided to come and see for ourselves . " " No , we came from Trentwood , I was going to college there when the bombs went off . They were having a tour with some kids from the public schools and Rebecca and Robin were in the tour . We just happened to be together when all the sirens went off and we hid down in a room in the basement of the college that connected to the basement of the student union where they stored food supplies . We met up with Kris here outside of town on a farm , he and his parents had stayed in their basement but his parents were killed by the radiation . They had made him stay in the basement but they had gone out to check the animals too many times . And Sam here we found wandering around a deserted small town about half way between here and Trentwood . We don 't know what happened to his family or everyone else in town . We didn 't find any bodies at all there . And he doesn 't remember . He didn 't even talk the first three months he was with us . But you talk now , don 't ya my little man ? " Amber said as she tousled Sam 's hair . He just grinned real big . " Yep , we can 't shut him up now ! " They all grinned . " Are you kidding me ? Those four kids in there have greatly benefited from your care ! If even half of what you eluded to really happened , those kids were majorly traumatized and now they all seem very healthy mentally . " Amber burst into tears ! Trina was horrified that she had upset her and rushed around the table and gave her a warm hug . " Please don 't cry , I didn 't mean to make you cry . I was complementing you on how well you 've taken care of the kids ! " Amber sniffled and managed to gain control of herself again . " No , no , no ; I am just so relieved to have found good people . It seems that I 've had to be so strong for so long and had no one to help me . I 'm just so happy to have found you guys ! And I 'm such a sucker for happy things , I cry my eyes out ! " Since Mike and his grand - kids had a huge house , Amber and her kids ended up moving in with them and they all took care of the horses , cows , and chickens . Everyone took turns coming out and helping around " The Ranch " as it came to be called and all benefited from the fresh milk after the calves were born under the eyes of all the children who were astonished at how life was birthed . The ladies even began to make cheeses , although the first few batches were quite a mess ! Trina was ashamed of herself , even though there were now many adults now in town and they all shared in making decisions , she felt she was responsible for everyone . And she should have realized that a thorough inventory was needed . So for the next week the whole town was inventoried . There were some holes that needed filling . Wheat was going to have to be grown for flour and food for the cows and horses for the winter . They all prayed that they would be able to get a crop in and grown before winter ! Robin and Rebecca found a house that was full of junk food ! There were chips , cookies , boxes of Little Debbies , and every other kind of junk food imaginable . It became a secret with all the kids and no one told the adults . But Trina knew since she was the one who put it all there . There were a few nights that kids would have tummy aches and no one could figure out just why . But Trina had a suspicion and kept the secret along with handing out some tea to sooth upset stomachs . She decided she would handle it herself so that the kids wouldn 't get in trouble for something that she had done . What neither Trina nor the kids realized is that the adults knew something was weird because during all the scavenging there had been no ' goodies ' found and when combined with the sudden occurrences of belly aches they were able to figure it out and single trip following two of the kids trying to be sneaky led them right to the stash ! So one day when Trina and all the kids were at The Ranch helping out , the four remaining adults " cleaned house " because they knew that there was no dentist and no one needed any of that junk . They did kept some of the hard candies , chocolates , sugarless gum , and a few other goodies ; but they loaded all the rest up and stashed it all in a storage unit that had already been inventoried with a nice large lock ! They thought about burning them all but decided that everyone needed a treat ONCE in awhile and it being junk food , most of it would last for a long time . More trips were made to the out laying farms to look for seed for the wheat and feed for the cattle and horses . The adults made a game out of all the farm work for the kids and everyone pulled their fair share . Trina told them about a pretty good sized valley just on the north side of town that she had stumbled onto during one of her hikes through the woods . It turned out to be perfect for growing the wheat and other grains . It was easy to get to with the horses and the group spent a week planting the whole valley in grains as organized as possible . It was hard work even with the horses and the makeshift plows that they had put together . The adults would break the ground and the kids would plant the seeds that they had found of wheat , corn , oats , barley , and even some sorghum . By the first week of July the corn was thigh high and the town looked to be in fairly good shape ! All the families had really bonded and the kids were welcomed in every home . The adults wanted to make sure that the kids were always accounted for so they scrounged around and came up with some hand held radios and using the solar panels , kept them charged all the time . Then each night , no matter where a child was , that child was to call home and let their parents or guardian know exactly where they were . They also called in just before they left . The younger ones were not allowed to wander around by themselves and the older ones chaffed at being ' babysat ' . So it was decided that the older ones would be treated as adults , since they pulled an adult load , but they also had to help keep an eye on the younger ones . During the third week of July , Trina had Brianna , Hannah , Megan , and Serena with her about two miles west of town looking for a specific edible that she had seen there the previous year . They wanted a good supply of the herb and some seeds if they could find it . The herb was golden seal and worked great with Echinacea for winter colds . They had just found a good population and had started gathering seeds when the ground began to shake . Nancy1340April 30 , 2011 at 11 : 48 PMThanks Kellie . Whole lotta shaking going on , huh ? ReplyDeleteSHARONMay 1 , 2011 at 11 : 08 AMKeep it coming ! ! ! ReplyDeleteAnonymousJune 26 , 2012 at 4 : 08 AMWhat a wonderful story . Thank you for sharing . I 'm hoping to read more soon . I used to day dream about Trina 's new life when I was a girl . A new start . Thanks for reminding me it 's not all gloomy . . . . CQReplyDeleteKellieJune 26 , 2012 at 4 : 22 PMThank you CQ ! I 'm glad you are enjoying my story . I appreciate ya stopping by . : ) ReplyDeleteAdd commentLoad more . . . I still am not able to reply to comments . I don 't know what happened . But thank you all for reading my stories ! I really appreciate the feedback . : ) Please leave comments and let me know what you think ! It helps me grow as a writer ! If you don 't want to leave a comment , why not simply click on a ' reaction ' below each chapter ? : ) thanks ! on one of my blogs I will be simply talking about things that catch my eye . This will be a wide variety of topics . on another blog , I will be posting stories that I 've written and links to stories I 've read and enjoyed . And on my other blog , I 'll be talking all about plants .
|
Artunicka walked amongst the Black Forest . He knew the war was coming , the old texts said only one realm would survive . " what do you see ? " He asked the old seer days ago . " even our sight is blind to the end , the void covers all . " He remembered this as he walked through the Forest . What would he do ? His people practiced evil and dark arts they worked as a society . There was not murder or zthief amongst them , but these other realms were an abomination to his people . They were all enemies who did not see things as the lands of death did . The forest was dead and the trees wilted over , they were never alive as the trees of the Earth lands were , but appeared as those do dead . The lands were covered with a light ash that fell as rain might in the Water lands . The black earth took in the ash and the trees fed off it . If tightly packed and ground , the ash was their main liquid . There were whole ash falls on crumbled mountains . He breathed in the scent of sulfer , and continued walking . Casting his eyes the sky here was always black with a moon the shined black . If a person from any other land were to venture here they would have a hard time just seeing , but his people were born for it . The marshes were the final resting place when someone died . He heard other lands buried in the earth or sea , burned in fires . If this were true he did not know . Here the marshes were great puts of depth unknown . Their green murky waters swallowed everything . In the distance he saw what looked like human servents tossing something in . The humans here were gray skinned and bald none lived after 25 and they were all slaves . They did not mind however they did as told and were not mistreated . His people resembled at least the humans as walking corpses just without the rot and wounds or smell . what was unique about them was they didn 't have blood but a shiny dark substance in their bodies kept them alive . They didn 't age after 25 . He marveled as he exited the Forest , into the small town where all manner or dark creature resided . His castle lay just beyond . But he had to make a stop at the library , most books were so old they talked of a peaceful world before the event . He had been researching the old books for hints of a lost library in his lands that might give him a key in the coming war . There were only 4 books left . The library was the second largest structure next to the Dark Stone that was his castle . It had structures of the blackest arts below ground , some which he found before they became popular knowledge . He made his way there as the ash fell . Blaise was looking over the glowing land , which was glowing very brightly today , brighter then it had been since the queens death . Most people had though that the death of the queen would completely destroy the Fire land , which it almost did . Until the new Lord came the Fire Land was a mess , the lava began to cool and the volcanoes became inactive , a lot of people noticed that their powers became increasingly weak and some peoples powers stopped working , it was like the land was giving up without the queen , it was dying with her . This was until Blaise came and took things over . Things began to slowly go back to normal again , the lava turning back to its boiling hot melting self , people began to become strong again , however the volcanoes were still inactive . Blaise was still trying to figure out how to get the volcanoes to work again , she new that without their protection the land was very vulnerable . Blaise had been working on the volcanoes for some time now , she had spent nearly a month reading through ancient books and scrolls trying to figure out what energy created the volcanoes to become active and so far she hadn 't had any luck . Aggravated and disappointed Blaise stood up from the soft chair she had been sitting in before and turned for the door . She needed to clear her mind and just think , and when times like this came the best thing for her to do was take a walk . She grabbed a cloak and threw it on , it was a orange and red fiery cloak that covered most of her face in case she ran into any trouble . She was now in a hurry and began to nearly run out of the castle and into the streets and paths that formed across the bubbling lava . She made her way out of the main town and took a turn towards a path that looked very unused . Jez has been walking for hours now . She wasn 't exactly heading to any place in particular , but she was looking for anyone else that was like her . She was an outcast , she didn 't want to live in her own land , and she wasn 't welcome in any other lands so she lived in the wastelands . She hated it here , mainly because it was lonely and she hardly ever ran across anyone else . The waste land was pretty much a bare empty land , it was made of grass and hills , but there weren 't very many tress , at least not in the parts that she had been . She looked down at her left arm to see if it would tell her anything , and surprisingly this time it actually did . On her arm a wild spread of lines formed creating what appearing to be a map leading somewhere . Jez excitedly began to follow the map the best she could , the detailed on the map were very poor for some reason and made it difficult to know exactly where to go . Jez followed the lines for some time , aboout 4 hours , until she came to a path . She found herself facing two large mountains that connected through a valley . Well this looks like fun . She thought to herself sarcastically looking at the large , terrifying mountains that laid before her . She took a step onto the trail and noticed something strange , under her foot she felt the ground began to become very warm , it almost felt like her foot was on fire . She took another step and instead of warmth her foot met and icy cold feeling . She continued walking , the ground under her feet changing temperature constantly as she moved along quickly . Soon after she began to walk the land began to slope upwards and it became difficult for her to walk . Jez was confused about where her tattoos were trying to lead her , but they had never let her down before so she continued until she got so tired that she had to take a break . Hew listened quietly as he walked through the lighted up forest that went through a certain area of the Land Of Light . He closed his eyes and breathed in the clean air , letting it clear his brain and thoughts . He felt completely calm and peaceful in the beautiful forest . This was what he thought of as home , not some huge city or where he grew up . The Light dancing around the trees made him feel like everything was wonderful and beautiful , like the war was nothing more then some horrible dream . Sooner or later he would have to face reality though . He would have to realize the horrible truth about life . Hew hated the war . He thought that if everyone could live in peace then the world would be better off . He didn 't understand why the lands had to fight , and he probably never would . . . But that was just Hew , most everyone else thought that war was the only way to survive . Hew turned around to face reality . He began walking back towards the giant city in which his house was . He couldn 't stay in the forest forever , so he decided to head back before he thought that the idea of staying was possible . His people needed him , thats what he knew for sure . He hated the war , but he hated the idea of his people dying even more , he loved peace , but he loved his land even more . He wasn 't stupid , he knew what was going on and what would happen , but that didn 't mean he couldn 't hate it . He finally reached the city and began to walk through the streets towards his house , his mind was full of many thoughts that almost clouded his brain and overwhelmed him . The library was a black and twisted place . Many books needed approval to read , some were too powerful and their texts could drive a person insane . Others held arts so dark , if you were not skilled enough you might end up sacrificing what existence you held dear . The shelves were lined with tomes , covered in dust . His boots clicked off the grey marble floor as he went to the lower levels . A few wizards were down there and all acknowledged him with a nod . A turn of a key let him into a chamber only a few had access to . These books asked a price for their knowledge . He pricked his finger and placed it in one of the four books he had yet to read . The dark substance vanished and the time opened with a groan . There were few words but this image of a skeleton with a flute stood out he was unsure about what to make of this was it a creature , or a statue ? The texts said nothing He repeated the ritual on the other books . That was the only image in all four books the text were the same but something was off there were slight differences in the pictures . He spread out all four next to each other . The Dark King , as some called him studied the works . He could see clearly now the differences . Moon , a in the distance , a statue and an eclipse . What to make of this was unknown but he suspected that at least the tree might still be standing . The event that came before shall come again laying blackness and void to all but one . The one who proves worthy shall dominate and erase from reality the unworthy . that text was under all four pictures . " so it 's true . " He said to himself . " the event shall return , my people must survive " he placed the books back on the shelf and exited the chamber . When he reached the main level he headed to guards . " no one is to enter the Chamber of madness with out my authority . " The two guards , who looked like black lizards in red armor , nodded their heads and tapped their chest in salute , before hurrying off to carry out his orders . He watched them go and them returned to the world outside . Anarchy held her bow tight , walking along the edge of a path . She didn 't walk on it , as that left footprints and that was the last thing she wanted , for the Akeev 's would hunt her down . " Hello ? " she called . She 'd heard there were others here , but she 'd never seen anyone in all her years wandering in the Wastelands . Anarchy sighed . Jez had sat down to rest when she heard someone . " Hello ! ? " She called back hopeful to find someone . She stood up and began to walk into the direction but as she walked she didn 't hear or see anything . Jex stopped and stood there for a few seconds , wondering if she was going crazy and hearing things now . She turned around and started heading back towards where she had been resting , all hope seemed to have disappeared within half a second . " Hey ! " Anarchy replied as a voice responded . She took two quick steps before sprinting towards the voice . " Hey ! " she called as a figure appeared way in the distance . Jez stopped in her tracks as she heard someone calling hey in the distance again . She turned around and nearly started running back down the trail . She didn 't have very good eyesight , but she could see the outline of someone far away down the trail . Jez soon ran out of breath and had to slow down to a walk as she continued down the path , a lot closer to the girl who was also running towards her . Jez couldn 't tell where this girl came from , but she was out here and she was a person to talk to so she really didn 't care at this point . Anarchy slid to a stop beside the girl . " Hi . " She said , her voice not excited , but not upset either . Kinda monotone . " I 'm Anarchy . You are ? " She held her bow loosely by her side , but she still held it tightly . She had no reason to drop her guard because she found someone new . " Hello ! I 'm Jez . " Jez said noticing the girl 's grip on her bow . She didn 't want the girl to take her as a threat , but then again she didn 't know this girl either so maybe she should be keeping her guard up too . She could see her tattoos shifting around on her arm through the corner of her eye , but she kept her focus on the girl instead . Her sword was strapped to her back , but if she needed it then it would be within her hands in seconds . " Nice to meet you Jez . What brings you here ? " Anarchy was tempted to say ' her lands ' , but technically they were not her 's , she just lived there and knew most aspects of the land . Stop getting off focus . . She scolded herself silently . Marosianya was restless . Carrying the powers of the land as she did in her blood , she could sense the unease of her people . There was tension in the world . A nameless threat that could not be escaped . She had always hated and feared the Dark lands , but for the first time in long memory she sensed it was more than that now . Walking out onto a balcony of her castle she gazed down upon the city . Sundast was the capital , and the brightest city of the land . It cheered her a little to see the bustle under the lights of power that seemingly hung about the castle spires and provided the sparks that lit this part of the world . But doubtless unrest would grow with the menace from the darker lands . All lands were darker than this . Even the fires from the ancient volcanoes could not rival the glow that her lifesblood shared . Marosianya closed her eyes for a moment and the wind in the forest echoed the sigh that escaped her lips . " I was originally born into the Land of Light , but I decided to leave the Land of Light because I was treated . . . Differently . I lived in the Dark Lands for a little while but now because of the wars I 've come here . " Jez said honestly hoping she hadn 't said anything wrong , " What about you ? " She asked curiously , wondering where the girl came from . Anarchy nodded . " I 'm opposite . Started in the Dark Lands , but I didn 't like it , so I went to the Land of Light , but they kicked me out . Said I wasn 't right there . Since I belong neither , I stayed here . " She said . " It 's nice to find someone out here . " " Yea I 've been searching since I 've gotten here to find someone , but you 're the first person I 've come across . . . I 'm kind of new here though so I haven 't been searching very long . " Jez said . She found it interesting that this girl was the exact opposite of her , but she was still another person and so far she seemed alright . " How long have you been here ? " She asked wondering if the girl could help her understand what dangers were in the land . Blaise wandered up the path and towards the steep top of the volcano . She could feel her energy and power growing as she got closer and closer to the top and she became away of her fiery hair becoming crazier and more wild and ablaze . She finally reached the top , it was very hot , but she was used to the heat of fire and lava since she had lived right next to it her whole life . She peeked over the edge and noticed a layer of cooled down lava crusted over the top of the volcano . " Of course , why hadn 't I come up here before . . . " She said to herself . She closed her eyes and tried to focus all of her energy on the volcano . Before she could even open her eyes she nearly fell back as hot air blasted up from the volcano and dark smoke began to rise . She couldn 't help but smile and peek into the volcano to see boiling lava rising up to the top . The volcanoes never affected the Fire Land , this was because the fire land pretty much floated on top of the lava and the inhabitants lungs had evolved so that the dark grey smoke didn 't harm them . " Very long . No idea exactly how long , but long enough . " She started to say something else , but a piercing screech filled the air . She grabbed the girl 's wrist and pulled her towards a nearby cave , only taking a few steps before pointing . " In there , now . " She said sternly , turning and raising her bow , notching an arrow and looking around . Jez was taken by surprise when the girl grabbed her wrist and pulled her into the cave . Her sword nearly flew into her hands as she stood ready for whatever it was that had made the horrible screaming sound . She noticed her tattoos going crazy as they calculated the different possibilities and outcomes for the situation . She tightened her grip on her sword when another piercing scream echoed through the mountain . She waited quietly and curiously as she wondered what the creature might be that was making the horrible noise . Anarchy backed towards the cave , standing at the entrance and aiming the bow at a white creature that dived from the sky . It dodged the flying arrow and curved up . " It 's trying to taunt me . . " She mumbled to herself , shooting another arrow at the diving creature . Jez stared at the creature as it came closer and closer , dodging Anarchy 's arrows . She let go of her sword and it stopped just a few inches below her hand in mid air . The sword flew out into the open , but it stopped a few feet in front of the creature . " Its too far away . " She said as she tried to stretch her power , but the creature had backed away from the sword even farther now . Jez watched relieved as the creature began to fall from the sky . The images on her arm quit moving as they decided on on future . " What was that thing ? " She asked wondering what other dangerous creatures lived in the wastelands . Iwaku is a roleplay community . We don 't just write stories - we live them ! Roleplaying is stepping in to the life of a character and experiencing what they experience . Here on Iwaku , we 're all about giving you the freedom to write anything you want while providing a safe and friendly community to do it in . Our site contains forum roleplay , chat roleplay , group roleplay , private roleplay , as well as other methods for living your stories . We are a community ran by REAL PEOPLE ! We are not a corporation or a company . Our server , domain , and software licenses are privately owned and paid for 100 % out of our own pockets . To help pay for these monthly costs , we are more than happy to take donations from members in exchange for super spiffy extra tools and features on the boards . For more information you can view our Donating FAQs .
|
It was on a Friday morning when 6 young international voyagers ; a charming couple from Germany , Lars and Katharina , a loving Australian , Attila , a darling Peruvian , Gabriela , and the two just fabulous locals , Feras and I , emerged together on a stupendous adventure at Maaloula , Syria . Top left to right : Lars , Katherina and Attila . Botton Left to right : Gabriela , Feras and Me . It was an hour decent ride on a bus from Damascus to Maaloula is a village whose inhabitants are mostly Christian . . All we talked about is current affairs . What else would anybody talk about these days ? Me , Attila , Gabriela , Lars and Katharina pretty much sat near other but Feras sat a little further from us , which was good because he got to meet up with a girl who actually works as guide at one of a few gorgeous churches over there . So that worked great for us . When we reached there , we took a look at some gorgeous ancient churches then the real escapade started when we went to the hills for some rock climbing . We all had a blast . I find it quite interesting that in summer when a bunch of us went to Bait Jin and did some hiking , I couldn 't finish ; I was so nauseated out of exhaustion and dehydration . This time , I was just out of breath but I kept up pretty well . I 'm not too sure if I 'm more in shape this time or is it that the weather does a huge role . That day was freezing cold . It even snowed a little bit . I sure did miss the feeling of snow drops hitting my face was a walk . It was like some sort of relief . Attila himself got very excited because he has never seen snow in his life . I 'll have to admit some of the caves on the hills and mountains look like that they can be used for some SciFi movie . I felt like I was I belonged in Star Wars and I 'm just waiting for Jedis to come to tell us " May the force be with us " Or the Imperial army to force us to join the " dark side " or we 're doomed . Other than that , some the pathways in the village are just gorgeous . The residential area is somewhat primitive but that what I loved about it . It was very siPosted by Well , the people who have been reading my blog will know the story about my job . Well , here 's the latest update . . MAJOR changes has happened . I actually changed changed my job at NIS and now I 'm working at a media department of a human development company called Unlimited Horizons in English , in Arabic آفاق بلا حدود . I 'm seriously loving this job . . . . There 's no training period or anything . They saw my portfolio and they wanted me instantly . They gave a whole loads of work already . I 'm seriously enjoying what I 'm doing . All day long I 'm either in the studio working on some anasheed or prepairing audio for a TV show that 'll be aired probably in next Ramadan or I 'm planning with some people to work on an audio book for some Human development book . If not all that , I 'll be trying to create a concept for a music video or I 'm in video filming sessions and locations to get some of the action there . Pretty much my hands are seriously full . I 'm not complaining though . It brings me great joy . As I mentioned in my earlier post that if I 'm productive , I 'm happy . This time my productivity is on a bigger front and it 's contributing in to make a difference . It 's like a dream come true . My boss , is the coolest human being ever . He 's so great . . . . He 's teaching me the secrets of the trade and believes in me and my work , like no other . I have to say , I can 't ask for more . He 's very welcoming . I feel at home being there . I love going to work unlike my other job . Soba7an Allah . . . As a kid a dreamt in doing something in what I 'm doing now . Finally , it had happened and now I feel my purpose and know my role in this world . I know this sounds pointless to many people out there . I don 't care . I 'm happy and I want to make other people happy with my work and that is what matters to me most . All I have to say about this , El7amdullah ( Praise the lord ) for everything that is happening . In my life , I had some serious ups and downs but like this , there is nothing comparable . Sob7an Allah and el7amdullah . . . . Here 's a new movie that 's coming out soon . . . Unlike Hollywood movies this masterpiece tackles a subject that 's very daring both in the east and west . It includes Hollywood 's most known actors and new faces from the Middle East . It 's an independent movie that surely will reach the top in office boxes . Will it be the next Blair Witch Project ? You 're just going to have to wait and see . For those who 've been reading my blog for a while here is the latest update even though most of my readers already know but I thought I 'd post something about it anyways . . . When I arrived to Syria on Oct 11th , I 'll admit I was 100 % nervous about the whole move and the job that I 'd be starting with New Interactive Studio . NIS is a Post Production company that deals with dubbing sound onto video or film . Meaning , they do the SFX ( Sounds Effects ) , ambiance and sometimes music creation for TV shows , cartoons , video games , commercials etc . . . So 2 days after my arrival to Syria I called them up to fix up a final meet up before I start working for them . On the 15th , I officially started training with them and I 'm still training till this day . This training phase should take no more than a month . It all depends on my performance . I do have some experience with all that since sound design was part of my Audio Engineering major . Even so , I was pretty slow with the first test project they gave me . I never really worked with cartoons before . I took it as a challenge and I wanted to do a really good job . In the end after 11 hours of work I ended to up with decent according to them . So now they wanted to give me something more realistic . They are going to give me 3 mins of Abu Zaid Al Hilali episode to add some SFX . I thought that 's sooooo cool . I 've seen a couple episodes of it and it was pretty exciting . . . I believe this would be easier because I have a good idea how this needs to sound like . I 'm looking forward to it . . . I was suppose to work on it today but they were doing some renovation in the studio and I couldn 't really do any work . I just wish they called me up . I would 've continued with seriously needed sleep . Well , they told me next time I should call before I come . I thought that was pretty weird . I call in to see if I can work that day or not . I don 't know what to think of that , honestly . It 's been almost a month without pay since it 's only training . . . It 's driving me up the wall . I feel stuck . I want to officially be Posted by Last night has been one amazingly beautiful night * hack hack * I hadn 't slept in over 24 hours , trying to fix my sleeping schedule . Ironically , I was wide awake and VERY hungry . . . I decided to cook up something quick to eat and hit the sack . Sounds quite ordinary . . . My place is pretty warm since I have my electric heater on since my other one isn 't working right . I was watching The Royal Tenenbaums on One TV . It 's a pretty odd movie that I loved the first time I watch in New York with my cousin . It brought up weird but good memories . So as I was enjoying my night alone , I decided to cook something to eat I was starved . I had some mushrooms and meat already cooked , just need to add some macaroni and I 'm all set . In the middle of my cooking the worst things happened . The electricity got cut off . No , it 's not because the electricity bill wasn 't paid it 's because it was raining all day and something went wrong . So I got out the candles and lit them all over the place . Lucky me I heated the water before mixing it with the macaroni so the water was hot . . . So no big deal . It 'll just take a longer time to cook . To my luck I fell asleep on the couch for 45 mins . When I woke up the electricity was still cut off and I ran to the kitchen to see the Macaroni . Let me tell you . . . It was the most disgusting thing ever . The macaroni were totally soggy and icky . . . It was like oat meal but it 's macaroni . Ewww . Just remembering it makes my stomach all groggy . I had no choice but to eat it because I was starved . . . So here I am having the most amazingly romantic dinner all by myself . . . 3 lit candles around me as it rained outside , it 's freezing cold and the food was just awful . . . . What else can a girl ask for ? ? ? So I decided to entertain myself as I ate . . . I pretended that I 've pain some magical food that give me power to control the world and hence it 's disgusting eating it in the middle of 3 candles . Hahahaha . I was bored . No form of entertainment alone with no electricity . I know , I wacked . . . Thanks Sharks for tagging me to do this twice . . . I don 't know why . . . : PSe7en things I want / like to do : 1 . Create Music2 . Sing3 . Hang out with friends4 . Make a difference5 . Make myself useful6 . Learn something new7 . Laugh till my stomach seriously hurts . Se7en things I don 't want / like to do : 1 . Wake up early2 . Eat my veggies3 . Lose a friend4 . To be backstabbed5 . Be all girlie6 . Be what people expect me to be other than what I really am . 7 . Be the one to bear bad news . Se7en things I say most often ( With Explanations ) : 1 . Nice : I say this when I like what I 'm hearing but just have no comment . 2 . Shut up : People give me a hard time all the time and this is my reply . hehe . . . 3 . Ya 7araaam ! ( You forbidden ) : I say this when I don 't know what to say . 4 . Wleeeeee : I say this when I sence trouble lurking by . 5 . Wain ya ? ( where you ? ) : I say this when I see a person leaving without saying bye . 6 . Shoo ya ? ! ( what you ? ) : I say this when somebody does or says something I don 't like at all . 7 . L3ama ( get blinded ) : I say this when I 'm just surprised , usually in a bad way . Hahahahaha . . . I couldn 't think of proper translation , so I just put the direct translation . : PSe7en people I want to pass this tag to ( Ladies First ) : 1 . Ghalia2 . Dina3 . Zena4 . Ihsan5 . Yazan6 . Hasan7 . Zaid The holy month of Ramadan is the ninth month of the Muslim calendar and the holiest . It is during this month that Muslims observe the Fast of Ramadan . Lasting for the entire month , Muslims fast during the daylight hours and in the evening eat small meals and visit with friends and family . It is a time of worship and contemplation . A time to strengthen family and community ties . During the last ten days of Ramadan , Muslims seek and observe what is known as the " Night of Power , " which marks the first revelation of the Qur ' an Muslims worldwide spend these last ten nights of Ramadan in solid devotion , spend extra time in prayer and devotion , retreating to the mosque to stay all night ( i ' tikaf ) , reciting special supplications ( du ' a ) , and reflecting on the meaning of Allah 's message to us . To me , the last 10 days are the most beautiful 10 days of my life . Connecting with my creater and just being moved to the degree of tears is the outmost beautiful experience in my life . Last year I 've never felt closer to God as a prayed and supplicated all night long . My cousin who 's like my baby sister was by my side and I couldn 't ask for anything more . The prayer was well organized with the Imam and everything just went smoothly and perfectly . His beautiful voice reciting the Qur ' an as we prayed just filled my heart and couldn 't help but to be moved , the supplication was the most beautiful thing . It touched everything I was feeling and it was one of the most peaceful supplications . I People were nice enough and clean enough . It wasn 't crowded at all . I couldn 't ask for anything more . Unlike in Abu Dhabi , here in Damascus this year , the experience was horrifying . I wasn 't too sure if I was crying because of me being moved for connecting with God , or is it I was feeling sorry for myself , or for this Ummah . People were all on top of each other , nothing was organized . Women , are just horrifying throwing trash everywhere , bringing their kids around like it 's some picnic with food all over the place . I couldn 't concentrate on praying . My miPosted by It 's been a while since I 've been updating my blog and that 's because I 've finally moved to Syria . Phew … I must admit this is the outmost frustrating moves of my life ; it 's just plainly a pain in the ass . Everything was packed and astonishingly I didn 't forget anything of much importance and my dad didn 't nag as he would usually in a situation like this . So I was pretty comfortable . Even though I was 1 / 2 hour late to the airport everything went smoothly and got my favorite seat in economy class . I took everything that happened as a sign that everything is going to be just fine ; little did I know what complications I 'll face as soon as I set foot in Damascus Airport . As soon as I set foot in Damascus , I started to get nervous about what state I 'll actually find my computer and my synthesizer and how would I actually pass them through customs . Got me a cart , head to the luggage claim , and got a guy to help me out . I was exhausted , frustrated , nervous , and seriously hungry and the customs were trying to give me a serious hard time . I didn 't want to yell or argue , so I decided to play another game . I played the cute , innocent girl who was clueless . After a long procedure of scaring living daylights out of me by telling me that I 'll need to pay 50 , 000 SP ( $ 1 , 000 ) , I was ready to burst into tears . If I didn 't pay right then they 'll keep the synthesizer till they get paid . I wanted to call anybody to ask for the money but my credit on my credit on my phone was expired so I couldn 't use it . I went out without my stuff just to inform my uncle what 's holding me up . Lucky me , nobody was there . I went back in the verge of tears . I guess the guy in charge felt sorry for me so decided that I 'd pay only 5 , 000 SP . I couldn 't care less anymore . I just wanted to go home after 45 mins dealing with the customs . I paid and they gave me a receipt for future reference . YAY ! ! ! As I was unpacking my computer 2 days later , I heard something rattling inside the case . I figured , I 'd try to turn it on anyways . What surprise ! It didn 't work . Posted by A report made by Nasouh Nazzal , Staff Reporter from Gulf News . . . Ras Al Khaimah : A man has been sentenced to three months in jail after pleading guilty to charges of bestiality . The camel involved in the case is to be put down in accordance with Islamic law . A court official said the Bangladeshi , who worked as a driver , had been spotted going into his employer 's barn on a regular basis . His employer became suspicious as his duties did not involve him dealing with animals . The official said the employer , a UAE national , followed his driver into the barn one day and saw him starting to have sex with a female camel . The owner lost his temper and started beating him . He then took him to the police station to press charges . The official said the driver confessed to police that he used to have sex with one particular camel . The police arrested him and the case was referred to the Public Prosecution . The official added the man told the prosecution that he had fallen in love with the camel and had sex with the animal . The emirate 's Criminal Court sentenced him on Wednesday to three months in jail , to be followed by deportation . It also stated that the camel be put down as its meat would now be tainted . The animal will be put down at the emirate 's slaughterhouse , a representative from the Public Prosecution will be in attendance . ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Uhmmm . . . now that 's seriously disgusting . . . It reminds of this joke . Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long . No matter how much he tried to forget about it , he couldn 't . The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming . But every once in while he 'd hear an internal , reassuring voice in his head that said ; " Dave don 't worry about it " , you aren 't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients , and you won 't be the last , and you 're single , just let it go . " But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality , Whispering . . " But , Dave . . . . . . . . . . . . . . you 're a vet " It doesn 't matter if they are pretty or ugly , home cats or stray cats ; these cats have one thing in common , they look seriously evil . Creepy . . . MOMMY ! ! ! As I sit here enjoying the music I 've been creating lately , I feel such joy in my heart and soul . Is it because the music is beautiful ? Well , of course , I 'm going to say the music is beautiful . It 's my creation . hehehe . . . But that 's not even close to the point . Well , it 's not the music pieces that are making me happy . It 's the fact that I created something . One of my greatest joys in life is to be able to create . It doesn 't matter what it is , whether writing a song or a poem , or composing a musical piece or even drawing some abstract art . I 'm realizing more and more , if I wasn 't able to create , I 'm the most depressed human being and I often do the worst things I can do for my soul . I become seriously moody , I feel worthless and my self esteem rushes down faster than you can blink . I seriously feel the weight of life is taking it 's toll on me . I lose focus and purpose . With all that said , I usually burst out on innocent people who are nothing but gentle and sweet . You know who you are , Sowwy . . . I might still be the bouncy person as I am but deep down in me there 's something missing . I can 't be satisfied at all without creating anything that doesn 't reflect on who I am and what I 'm feeling or living at each particular moment . For a while , I was totally being unproductive and when I did something , it wasn 't done in best shape and form . I was thinking , " Well , it 's good enough . Why bother ? " Well , it 's that kind of thinking that 'll get me nowhere . Once I started putting things together really well , magic arose and my whole spirit changed . Well , I do have to admit , I had some downfalls when it came with my work . I had an opportunity to let Sami Yusuf listen to some of my music . I had some really good stuff at first . He liked them and he thought I had potential . That 's when I actually cared to create something really good . When he asked for more work . I gave him what I had , and didn 't really create anything new . That was a serious mistake . Simply because the music wasn 't put in it best form . The recordings were great , the Posted by Zodiac is a Syrian rock band founded back in 1997 by Anas Abdul Moumen , Maen Rajab and Anas Abu Kous . The band started playing popular cover songs but after their bass player Omar Harb joined in 1998 , they then started to write there own material . Now they are in the process of recording there debut album with new singer Chadi Ali . The band now consists of Chadi Ali : Lead Vocalist , Hazem Al Ani : Pianist and Keyboardist , Anas Abdul Moumen : Guitarist , Maen Rajab : Guitarist , Omar Harb : Bassist , Nasser Hamdi : Drummer . I personally have heard about Zodiac about a year ago but didn 't get to see nor hear them till this summer . I have to admit , I didn 't expect to be seriously impressed by their work . Their music is blend of nu metal and rock with a twist of Arabic influence . I was touched and proud to know that they are fellow Syrians . It has been 8 years since they started and they still are strong and firm and believe they can make it into the mainstream music worldwide . I believe they can because simply , they are amazing , new and something different from what 's out there . I 'll personally have to give a special thanks to Amr for inviting me to the show . I 'll go see them again anytime . You can download of one of Zodiac 's songs " Ma Tgheebee " by Anas Abdul MoumenTell me what you guys think . You can also check out their bassist , Omar Harb 's website . You need to click on them to actually get the ful effect . Enjoy . . . Don 't stare too long or you 'll get dizzy like I did . : D Here I am trying to live my life as peacefully as possible and then people want to be my hero and save me . Uhmmm . Who ever mentioned that I needed help to begin with ? ? I 'm going through changes in my life and I 'd love to just adjust to it instead of people trying to create something that doesn 't even exist so I 'll be comfortable . I can handle myself but for some reason some people don 't believe that . They think I 'm this poor little girl who always needs to run to somebody for help because I can 't handle anything . I don 't why people can 't see that I 'm strong enough . They lie to me , they keep things from me , they treat me like I 'm a victim . I 'm not needy . . . If I 've ever gave the impression that I am , I guess it 's all a misunderstanding of some things I 'm trying to deal with on my own . If that makes any sense . I 'm not the average girl , I 've dealt with a lot in my life . Yeah I 'm 27 but I 've experienced more than most Arab girls . I still get treated like I 'm a baby . No offense to guys who have the need to be heros but , don 't treat me like some poor little girl because that 's one thing I 'm not . I just find it pretty interesting that other girls don 't do this to me . They are just normal and don 't have to prove anything to me but on the other hands , I have no idea why most guys treat me like this . Yes , I know I 'm an open book but that 's because I 'm open , direct and I 've got nothing to hide . I guess , they see this as a weakness . I feel it 's great because people will truly see who am I if they actually stop searching for the meaning behind what they see . I am what you see . I know it 's a guy thing to want to be hero in general and I totally respect that but when it comes to them laying to me , keeping some truth from me and treating me like a baby , that I don 't not accept what so ever . Just give it to me as it is . My final word , ok some of the guys who might read thing might think I 'm referring to them . I 'm not to referring to anybody specific . I 'm talking in general and that 's because I 've been dealing with his issue for a whilPosted by Now that I got the results in , I removed the poll . Results : 47 % ( 9 people ) of people voted that this blog is user friendly53 % ( 10 people ) of people voted that this blog isn 't friendly . Since the majority doesn 't think that this blog is user friendly , I 'm going to change the format to something easier . I 'll now have everything all clearly put in one page . So give me sometime to get the new design in and actually put it up . I wanted my blog to be more active , especially my chatbox that the majority is neglecting . : ( Thanks to all those who voted and special thanks to those who actually gave me feedback . . . Printed from www . care2 . comRaise Your Energy LevelAdapted from Creative Visualization , by Ronald Shone ( Inner Traditions , 1998 ) . Simple SolutionIf you need more energy , or you are mildly depressed , this creative visualization will help : the author says he has found it to be most effective . Work during the day can certainly deplete our energy . Some days seem more draining than others , and some begin with a low stock of energy because of a poor night 's sleep . One reason that we rest and sleep is so that we can restore the body 's energy . This visualization will also achieve a natural raising of your body 's energy level . Find out how : While in a relaxed state , you imagine yourself lying on a bed with your eyes closed . A beam of sunlight comes down from the sun and envelops your whole body . You then rise up and pass along the beam of sunlight into the heart of the sun . ( At this stage , imagine yourself naked . ) When you reach the heart of the sun , you open up your arms and legs to make an X shape ; this includes opening up your hands and fingers . You then simply imagine that you are absorbing into your body health - giving energy . Really feel the energy going into your body . ( Your body may very well tingle during this creative visualization . ) If you like , you can at this point add a series of suggestions . They can go something like this : I can feel the energy from the sun passing into my body . Yes , my body is drawing energy from the sun - - energy that my body needs , energy that will revitalize all my body , energy that will pass into every cell and every organ of my body . ( Keep this up until you feel that your body has sufficient energy - - a feeling that is not too difficult to recognize . ) When you feel fully energized , bring your arms and legs together , pass back down the sunbeam , and return to your lying position on the bed . Shop for SuppliesCreative VisualizationCopyright : Adapted from Creative Visualization , by Ronald Shone ( Inner Traditions , 1998 ) . Copyright ( c ) 1998 by Ronald Shone . Reprinted by permission of Inner TraditiPosted by When I was in Malaysia , I came across the most beautiful man made creation I 've ever known . The sounds are realistic enough to leave you in awe . I was seriously having a ball with this baby . It 's so simple and fun to use . I 've been craving to get this synthesizer for the longest time and my dream might actually come true at the end of this month . I 'm sure then I can go back on creating music but this time it 'll be a lot more professional . Maybe then I 'd be able to sell some records . Hehehe . . . Not only do the new MOTIF ES Music Production Synthesizers feature the largest wave ROM of any workstation keyboard available ( 175 MB in 16 - bit linear format ) , but that Extensive Sonic library is at the heart of the most expressive , most musical synthesis system on the planet , bar none . The Enhanced Sound set of the ES 1 , 859 waveforms - the majority of them newly sampled specifically for the MOTIF ES series - provide the foundation for 1 , 024 outstanding normal voices plus 65 drum kits . There are even Mix Voices so you can edit and create your own Voices will listening to your songs and store them right along with the song data . The MOTIF ES delivers an extraordinary sonic depth and musical response . The range of sounds it produces is stunning - from the Emulative Sounds of acoustic piano and orchestra to the Extreme Synthesis of cutting - edge hiphop and electronica . You only have to hear the ES once to know this is the best sounding , most Evolved Synthesizer Yamaha has ever made . The newly designed tone generator chip offers true 128 - note polyphony that gives you the freedom to create intricate compositions using the full gamut of the MOTIF ES Exceptional Sonic power . These instruments are designed for serious music production . The newly developed synth engine offers new synthesizer parameters and faster , more precise envelope control . If you want to check out the sounds of this beauty just click here . Then click on media files and just enjoy listening . Well , it 's been almost a year since I 've graduated college in Malaysia and believe it or not , I still don 't have my diploma . The campus in Malaysia finally got it from Australia 4 months after I graduated in Oct . 2004 . Since in the Arab world they love to make it a living hell for it 's people , I needed to certify my diploma along with my transcripts at the Ministry of Education and the Ministry of foreign Affairs in Malaysia before sending them over to be certified again by the Ministry of Education in the UAE . The procedure at the ministry in the UAE alone takes about 3 months . My college in Malaysia are taking care of getting my papers certified . The first email I got from them was April 13th 2005 telling me that they 're taking care of it all . The guy in charge kept sending me emails later to keep me posted . I thought all was going fine until what I feared the most and was certainly expecting from Malaysian officials actually did happen . I got this beautiful reassuring email from my college today : " Dear Sara , I am sorry to say that I have some bad news . The ministry of education here has informed me that they have lost / misplaced your documents that I sent for certification . I made some noise at their office and was able to meet their head who reaffirmed me that your case will be looked into immediately . The officer in charge has apologized and has said that she will try to expidite the matter ASAP . I will be meeting her later this week and once I have more information , I will let you know . Regards , Suthan " That 's is one of the reasons why I hated living in Malaysia . . . Nothing gets done unless you scream and get some people in trouble . I had to put up with it at school , with cab drivers and even doctor 's offices etc . . . The crappy thing is that I can 't get a proper job in the UAE until I get all my papers certified . ARGGGGGGGGGGGGH ! ! So what do you think ? Is it better here in Syria or there in Malaysia . I see it that it 's all the same . It 's been 11 months and it 's not even close for me to get my certified proof of educaPosted by Thank you Zena for the tag . : P here we go . It gives me something to post . hahaha . . 10 years ago : I was about 17 . It was my senior year of high school . I have to admit it was one of the weirdest years of my life . First of all , I changed high schools so new faces where all around , a whole new different system . I was pretty much goodie goodie 2 shoes , I didn 't know what I wanted from life I tried to find where I belonged but I didn 't feel I fitted anywhere . I didn 't know who I really was . The biggest deal was my high school graduation and the song that wrote and performed in the graduation ceremony . Pretty much I didn 't have a life at all . 5 years ago : I was around 22 . I was in college in the US . My life revolved around the college radio station . I was the music director . The radio station pretty much took much of my time . Most of the other members where life family . They were all crazy people and that 's what I loved about it . That period of my life , I was still searching for who I am . I was in my rocker phase . My hair was orange and red and brown . Wore the rockers clothes . I pretty much lived the rock and roll life style . 1 year ago : I was a quarter of a century and an extra year . : D Hmmm . I recently graduated from college in Malaysia . Did some traveling to Syria after going back to the UAE . Some seriously life changing events took place in my life . My heart for the first time fell in love with the most loving man on earth . Things didn 't work out and I was crushed and I changed dramatically since then . Became more religious just stopped taking crap from people . Tomorrow : The first thing that comes to mind is same old shit different day . Hahaha . . . I try to live the moment for the most part . So I try not to think about it . But as Incubus say , " whatever tomorrow brings , I 'll be there . " 5 Snacks I enjoy : Chocolate , cheese , chips , frozen yogurt and biscuits5 bands & artists I like : Incubus , Julia Butrous , Sting , Train and The Beatles . 5 Things I 'd do with $ 100 . 000 . 000 : Invest some of it to get more money : P , give some to somePosted by I first came across this tree in Boston . I instantly fell in love with it . I got to see one today and I just remembered how beautiful this tree is . I thought I 'd share some info about my favorite tree . The weeping willow is an original native to China . It was long ago introduced into Europe and the Middle East and later on into the USA . These trees were once thought to be the biblical willows of Babylon , hence the scientific name Salix babylonica . The Weeping Willow is a fast growing and majestic tree . Growth can be six to eight feet or more a year . As the tree gets larger , the long thin branches hang down , creating a flowing umbrella of shade . It is widely grown where the soil is moist . This tree has to have plenty of water . You will usually find this tree where there is a good water supply . If the water supply is scarce , the roots of this tree will stretch as long as they have to to find it . It has been noted that the roots of weeping willows , grown in the front yards of homes , have wrapped themselves around the house 's water pipes and burst them for water . So , it is best to keep weeping willows away from sewer lines or other underground piping . You will find this tree in cities , as well , for it is tolerant of smoke and grime . The weeping willow is actually wild in some areas now . Like other willows it can grow from stem cuttings . One characteristic of this tree are the long , limp , pendant twigs . Another is the narrow , lance shaped leaves that are two to seven inches long . The minute seeds are covered with white hairs . The bark is grayish brown and fissured . The weeping willow is a beautiful tree that will look that way anywhere it is grown . Salix ' Babylonica ' This beautiful weeping willow ( the best of the green weeping willows ) is a hardy deciduous tree . It forms a gracefully rounded crown to about 50 feet in height with a spread just as wide . It 's bark is dark gray and deeply furrowed . Branches divide into many thin stems that hang in pendulous curtains to the ground . This willow is very adaptable and will thriPosted by I got this email and I thought I 'd share it with you guys who is interested . I know I am . : D I don 't know how true it is but it 'll be fun to check it out . Planet Mars will be brightest in the night sky starting August . It will look as large as the full moon to the naked eye . This will culminate on August 27 when Mars comes to within 35 million miles of earth . Be sure to watch the sky on August 27 12 : 30am [ acc . to IST ] . It will look like the Earth has two moons . The next time Mars will be this close is in 2287 . With my ups and downs lately , yesterday has been pretty much a good day . I talked to a really good friend of mine and as usual I benefited from his words of wisdom . He 's is a true gem in my humble opinion . Other than that , I met up with other friends later that night and discussed a few things about this trip we 're going on this Friday . I 'm totally looking forward to this tripI got home about 11 : 00 last night and nobody was home . I called my best friend in this world back in the UAE . As I was talking to her my mom arrived home telling me to get off the phone quick because she wanted to call my brother in the US . That wasn 't the usual thing for to do from Syria . Then she told me that my sister in law is pregnant . I was like OH MY GOD ! ! ! ! I 'm going to be an aunt in March next year , inshallah . I can 't believe that my parents are finally going to be come grandparents . WOOHOO ! ! We 're getting older , man . Hmmm , I don 't like that part . Hehehehe . . . So I 'm happy and I thank God that I am . . . Inshallah , I 'll be able to spread this happiness to everybody around me . : DMay All you of you be happy . : P Congratulate me now . yallah . Hehehehe . . . I 'm soooooo happy ! ! ! My brother is going to be a father . YAY ! ! ! About 2 night ago mosquitoes decided to use my arm to feast on . It was their dinner party . I have no idea how many mosquitoes were there but I got bitten from hand to my upper arm over 20 bites in one night . It 's horrible but at least I didn 't get bitten in the most annoying places to be bitten . . . 1 ) My Palms ( It hurts too much to scratch ) 2 ) Between my fingers ( It 's so hard to reach ) 3 ) Right around my nails . ( It also hurts and you still get it right ) 4 ) My back ( It 's so damn hard to reach ) 5 ) My ass ( It 's embarrassing to scratch that in front of people ) 6 ) The soles of my feet . ( Oh my God it hurt like a MoFo even when you walk on it . ) These are my worst places to be bitten . What about you ? ? In one of my older posts I mentioned something about cat prostitution . Well , my dad took part in that and actually hired a cat gigalo for my baby when she was one heat a couple of weeks ago . This is what my dad had to say in his email about the experience . " After I talked with you , mom saw the cat screeming and restless then decided to accept having the male brought over . Unfortunately I dont have a camera , to record the wedding ( lol ) your cat was stronger than I thought , she is not allowing him to eaven approach her , we locked them up in the interance , with gusts bathroom , and put some foof and water and a littre box . he ate and drank but didnt allow her to drink , shes bakh bakh and he so far he is unable to do anything to her . it was such an experience for me and ur mom . wish we had the Camera , Naseem will bring his Camera tomorow , hope we can take some souvenir shots ( lol ) " and then he wrote in another email " Shanti is unbelivably strong , you remember how was that Tomcat strong ? she beat him hard and hurt him , but he was aggresive and brave he fought so hard and never gave up . The pets shop man told me this a super tom cat thatcan mate any female in less than a day , any how your mom said it is too muchto keep 2 cats in the house , they mated at least 5 times , and we had vediofilms im sending with ur mom . here is some pictures extracted from thevedio , I used Sara 's Camera , though its not a very good quality the male stayed in our house all weekend , and i was afraid to keep him longer he started to have darreah , and I was not sure he dosnt have bugs or flees on him . " Here are some of the pics that were taken ( The quality isn 't great because they were taken from a video my dad recorded . Yes , he actually video taped it and I have the full length feature with the SFX and music . I haven 't seen it yet . Please do enjoy the Feline Porn . : PAs Shanti sits in the bathroom , the cat gigalo stands there trying to figure out how can he woo her . She looks totally not interested . Things get a little heated and Shanti is totally fighPosted by I got tagged by Omar with this * sigh * . I should 've kept my mouth shut . Here goes anyways . 1 - What does Love mean to you ? Hmmm , it depends on what kind of love but I 'll generalize it and say , that love means a lot to me . It brings peace to my mind and soul . 2 - What does Marriage mean to you ? The most sincerest commitment with your soul mate . ( I know . I 'm way too romantic as some people say . ) 3 - Do you believe in love at first sight ? I don 't believe in that . I think it 's a stupid concept . Attraction at first sight , that 's a totally different story . 4 - How many children would you like ? I used to want 5 but after staying with my uncle 's wife and her 5 kids for a few weeks I seriously changed my mind . I think 3 would be more than enough . With 5 I think I 'll go kookoo . 5 - If given the opportunity , what song would you sing for me on my wedding day ? By your Side : Sade ( I believe this is one of the most beautiful songs written and perfect for a wedding . 6 - What is your favorite holiday destination ? Hmmmm , I 'd say either the mountains of Switzerland or the Islands in South East Asia , specifically Langkawi , Malaysia since I know the place pretty well . : D7 - What are three qualities you would look for in a man ? 1 , Sincerity ( how typical ) 2 , Great self education3 , Passionate ambition8 - What are the three qualities and three bad habits that your think your wife should / shouldn 't have ? Uhmmm . . . I 'm not really looking for a wife at the moment . Once I do , I 'll let you guys know . 9 - Where do you see yourself in 10 years ? Probably , in some production company doing some music and audio work unless I become a mommy then I 'd be a home maker as I work from home with my music . I tag Mira . . You 're next sweetness . : P A while ago , I got to see Marty 's story on " 48 Hours Mysteries " on MBC 4 I was seriously touched by it . I felt so bad that I cried . I 've always been active in activism for justice . I 've volunteered to do work in Palestinian refugee camps and I 've took stand in demos in the US and so on . I decided to take a more personal favor to somebody . . . This is his story . I hope you can help me spread his story around and maybe spread the love around . I 've already contacted Marty . He 's a real nice guy and hopefully I was able to help him in one way or anything . On the morning of September 7th , 1988 , Marty Tankleff woke up in his family 's large waterfront home on Long Island , New York , to what should have been the first day of his senior year in high school . Instead he discovered his parents brutally stabbed and bludgeoned , his mother - - Arlene Tankleff - - dead , his father - - Seymour Tankleff - - unconscious but alive . Marty called 911 and , following the operator 's instructions , gave first - aid to his father . When the police came , Marty immediately told them who the likely suspect was : Jerry Steuerman , his father 's business partner in a chain of bagel stores , who owed his father over half a million dollars , had threatened his parents earlier in the summer , and was the last guest to leave a poker game in the Tankleff home the night before . A week after the attacks , as Marty 's father lay unconscious in the hospital , Steuerman faked his own death , changed his appearance , took on an alias and fled to California . Yet , to this day , he has never been considered a suspect by Suffolk County authorities . [ Jerry Steuerman ] Despite Steuerman 's motive and opportunity , and the fact that not one shred of physical evidence linked Marty to the crime , Detective James McCready took the traumatized teenager to the police station and began a hostile interrogation of Marty that lasted for hours . It was no match . Marty had been brought up to trust the police and the word of his father , so when Detective McCready faked a phone call and lied that Marty 's father hadPosted by My weight has been an on going struggle for as long as I can remember . I 'd lose it all , and then I 'd gain it all back again because of the hideous lifestyle change . Lack of stability has been getting to me for the longest time and now , it 's killing me . Anyways , back with my weight issue . Even though I gained 20 kilos in the past couple of years , I 've lost something on the lines of 5 kilos ever since I came to Syria . I find that quite good since I 'm on a diet and I 've been seriously walking all over the place . With that said , done and still on the go people are still giving me a hard time . I have no idea why ? ok , yes , I do agree I need to lose the weight hence I 'm on the stupid diet and trying to walk as much as possible . People don 't see that and don 't want to freakin hear about it . They see me and they 're like " ohhhhh you 've gained weight " " Ohhh it 's not good for your health . " " Ohhhh your size is large now " " Oooooh , you need to lose weight " " Ohhh , you 're ass is huge now " etc etc etc . . . I heard it all . It 's driving me crazy . I try to tell , them , " People , I know and I 'm doing something about it . I 've already lost weight and I 'm still on the go of losing some more . " I have no idea what exactly do they hear when I say that . It 's like instead , they hear that I 'm gorge a Black Forest with one hand and a hamburger with another hand as I drink a chocolate milkshake in front of me , 6 meals a day , every day . . . Then they 'd say , " no but you need to lose weight . " HELLO DAMN IT ! ! ! ! ! DID YOU HEAR WHAT THE HELL I JUST SAID ? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! There 's that , then there are people who try to say that I know jack crap and they know it all . They tell me that my way will end up as failure and I need to become a marathon runner in order to lose the weight because it worked for them . What part that I already lost 5 kilos and I 'm still losing weight , they didn 't get ? What part of that I know how my body works and that once upon a time , I made myself lose 20 kilos in a couple of years on my own ? ? ? Why do people need to butt in other people 's businesPosted by Well , my friend Firas actually told me about this test and I thought it 's quite interesting . . . I 'm not too sure if everybody will agree with the results but I sure do like it . Hehehehe . . . You Are a Snarky Blogger ! You 've got a razor sharp wit that bloggers are secretly scared of . And that 's why they read your posts as often as they can ! What kind of blogger are you ? If anybody was wondering where have I been , and why I 'm not blogging it 's because I really haven 't been getting a chance to actually sit with my material and post them since I don 't even go regularly to the internet cafe to use the internet . Soon though I 'll put the post that I 've been wanting to post but for now , I 'll just put the ones without the pics . . . I hope somebody actually enjoy my silly posts . : DEnjoy . . . Inspired by highlander I find it quite interesting . I never really knew what kind of English do I speak but here it is . : D Your Linguistic Profile : 60 % General American English25 % Yankee10 % Dixie5 % Upper Midwestern0 % MidwesternWhat Kind of American English Do You Speak ? One of the most dreadful days to me and million of others is September 11th . My life dramatically changed since then . At first the change was so hard but once I got used to it , I realized who are my true friends and I opened up more to people and it was a lot easier . Then the change became the best thing that ever happened to me . When I grasped the new me and was enjoying it Sept . 11th came again to haunt me and change my life all over again . I was denied to go back to the US back in June of 2002 and my life was wrecked and still am trying to put it back on track . The other day , I came across this interesting flash . I 'm not too sure how to feel about it . It disgusts me because lives were wrecked for something I totally believe is a lie . So these people can gain more power , money and other benefits . Some might think it 's a conspiracy theory but honestly , I do believe NOTHING in politics seems the way it is . It 's all bullcrap . This world is filled corruption and nothing is simple and pure anymore . Nothing is ideal , all the Arab governments is filled with crap and are just kissing the enemies ' asses so the people on top won 't lose their power . They abide with corruption and the people end up fleeing to other countries where they either lose themselves or the sense of passion to their own land . Who are the victims ? Us , people who are trying to live our lives and survive . Anyways , here 's the flash , hope you enjoy . . . http : / / www . pentagonstrike . co . uk / pentagon . swfhttp : / / www . pentagonstrike . co . uk YAY ! ! ! Finally ! ! Hehehe . . The meet up was great . I met up with Baher at Hamra St . then we headed to Old Damascus . We got lost because people are hopeless at giving directions . It doesn 't help that me and Baher seriously suck at directions anywyas so it took us 45 mins to find the place . Hahaha . . . Nontheless we found Khawali . It 's a great place and the company was even better . I finally met the beloved leader Ayman . Hahahaha . I still can 't get over how much he reminds me of my brother . I don 't know what is it . You know what 's killing me ? Amr still looks sooooooooo familiar to me . I 'm trying to figure out who does he look like but it 's useless . Everytime , it comes to me , it disappears . Hahaha . . . Anyways , I have to admit the people I met are seriously pleasant and fun . . . The atmosphere was great , I was telling Baher how I 'd love to make a weekly meeting instead . Hahahaha . . . Yallah , I should be around for the next coupld of meetings ( July and August ) Hmmm . . I wonder how it 'll all be once Ayman leaves to the US . It 'll be sad . : ( I just want to thank ALL of you guys , ( Ayman , Baher , Sinan , Ammar , Amr , Majd , Annie , Yazan and Dina ) for a great time . You guys rock . . . Hey Yazan and Amr , so , how did you friends take the pic of incubus 's guitar pick ? ? Hehehehe . . . I should be make them and sell them . Hahahaha . . . I find this quite interesting . I have no idea why a car from Massachusetts , USA would be roaming the streets of Damascus , Syria . Does anybody have an idea ? I sure don 't . Finally , I 'm here in my home Damascus . It has been less than a week and I already have a sunburned nose . Hehehe . . . I LOVE this place . It 's the most spiritual place I 've ever known . So the hard part was being at my grandfather 's house with my grandfather being there , at least that is what I thought at first . My uncle and me , stayed there cleaning the place up for the first few days . All I did was the dishes because my uncle has a thing for fixing the whole place by himself without any help . So I just did my share and hanged out with other relatives and friends . My grandmother is finally back to Damascus as well . I thank God that it 's not as hard as I thought . I didn 't feel the major emptiness at the place since my grandfather isn 't around . It got a little awkward though when my cousins came and we all sat and started talking about how he died and where was he sitting when he died . At the same time , I got some peace from it because ever since he died , I never really talked about it . So it was my first time since last year . Well , the meet up is in 4 days and I 'm seriously excited . I already met some of the bloggers and they are all wonderful . Can 't wait till I meet the rest of the crew . Well , I guess this is it , for me . . . I 'll probably have some weird thoughts and I 'll add them . . . Well , it 's been a while since I actually posted something original from me . I haven 't been doing that good lately . . . Just have too much on my mind really . Anyways , I think I 'll just say that I 'd be taking some time off from blogging . I just need some time to sort things out . For those who don 't already know , I 'm leaving to Syria this Sunday . YAY ! ! ! I 'm going to my beloved homeland . I 'll be seeing my aunt and cousins that I haven 't seen for about 3 years and my cousin 's baby for the first time . I 'll be seeing a good friend of mine that I haven 't seen for over 7 years . Of course then meet the Syrian bloggers . With all these excitement , I 'm seriously nervous . Things aren 't exactly great for my relatives in Syria . Each and everyone has some serious health issue in the family and death might be near . Speaking of which , I 'll be staying at my grandfather 's place for the first month I 'm in Syria . That also makes me nervous because last August my grandfather passed away when I was in Malaysia . I haven 't seen him for 2 years before that . When I last saw him , I knew that it 'll be the last time I 'd see him . I remember our farewell , it was very emotional we both cried as he was holding me tight . Just thinking about it me makes me cry . Anyways , so this is going to be the first time I 'll be there since he passed away so I 'm seriously nervous about it . Well , that 's it for me . . . See you guys soon . This is to reply to what Front Bumper ' said about one of my posts about the Hijab ban in France . U can check his post on his blog , My Stupid CornerAs I commented onn his blog , I didn 't feel it 's enough so I got more information about hijab ban in France from a reliable website . . . www . islamonline . netHere 's a person asking about the issue in France and this is what a group of Muftis had to say : Dear scholars , As - salamu ' alaykum . The issue of hijab in France has reached a very serious stage . Could you please clarify whether hijab is a religious symbol or not ? Wa ' alaykum As - Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh . In the Name of Allah , Most Gracious , Most Merciful . All praise and thanks are due to Allah , and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger . It is completely rejected to say that hijab is a religious symbol because hijab has an indispensable function in the life of a Muslim woman . That function is protection of the Muslim woman and preservation of her honor and chastity . This means that a woman who wears hijab does not do this to declare her religion or distinguish herself . Rather , she wears it out of obedience to her Lord . On the other hand , preventing hijab on the basis of preserving the secularity of the state is an illogical claim because secularism in a liberal community means that the state authority should be neutral in matters of religion . The government should neither accept nor reject , neither be for or against any religion . The state is to provide freedom of religion for all people . One might further ask : If a non - Muslim woman chooses to dress modestly by covering her body and even her hair , would she be prevented from doing so by this ban ? And if she is given the freedom to cover herself because she is not Muslim , why then is a Muslim woman not given the same freedom ? In this concern , the eminent Muslim scholar , Dr . ' Ali Jum ' ah , Mufti of Egypt , states : " A Muslim woman is obliged to wear hijab as soon as she reaches puberty , as indicated in the Qur ' an , the Sunnah of the Prophet ( peace and blessings be upon himPosted by
|
House Wif : From the Latin noun ' Wiferis ' ; adopted from the moment when man was uttering Latin names of trees , and discovered that his adored spouse was lacking proper wordage attachment . After thinking deeply , he profoundly bestowed upon his partner the name ' Wiferis ' . Seeing this was a long and involved name , it has evolved over time into simply ' Wif , The ' . Oh My Giddy Aunt ! Well , in the words of Samuel 's Prep teacher , Oh my giddy Aunt it has been a long time since I have written , thought about or even contemplated this blog ! How has the spark been rekindled you may ask ? Simply by a dear friend who is now a fellow blogger . We caught up today in a park , were judged by more diligent and militant mothers , and somehow ended up chatting about writing , blogs etc and she challenged me to post away again . Such fun ! ( Just to digress slightly , this dear friend of mine has four lovely children and is a super parent . However , eight years and decades of swing pushes later , I feel we have both earned the right to monitor our children from behind a thermos and do not need to march around the playground telling off other kids . We still brave the heat , dust and first time mothers to take the children to a child friendly environment so we can have some much needed adult conversation - honestly , if we were as neglectful as insinuated , we would have taken them to the local wine bar and sat them in the corner playing iPad . Hmm . . that 's not a bad idea . . . ) Anyway ! Digressions aside , since my last post , two of my little darlings have started school and the youngest has braved her first fortnight at kindergarten . I have a casual job , am returning to Uni , and I have given up housework and cooking ( slight exaggeration of course - I do chuck a bit of toilet duck in the loo occasionally , and my new dinner specialty is ' Freezer Surprise ' ) . I have also banned painting , vacuum up Lego ruthlessly and have been known to claim " I speeka no Englash " while running to the other side of the house when the kids decide to argue over remote controls , the computer , my little pony , who looked a who first , if Pluto is / is not a planet , the point of the United Nations . . you get the idea . In other words , we are out of baby land and into Kid Land aka crazy , irrational , verbally masterful , fun , exciting , constantly on your toes Land . Its fantastic , enjoyable , entertaining , exhausting , self - esteem crushing and everything else in between . I love my older kids . Life is super busy , and there is always something challenging the peace , but I have to admit that I love seeing these little people grow less - little people . About six months ago , I was suffering from SMS ( Shocking Mum Syndrome - otherwise known as S * * t Mum Syndrome ) . The TV had been on for what felt like years , the kids had not eaten a veggie in days and I felt like I was the worse Mum ever . Instead of crying into my cup of tea for yet another day , I wiped my hand on my saggy leggings and decided to get the kids painting . Note to self : if you are not having a good week parenting wise , it is very ill advised to go from TV vedge land to painting - probably the most hard core task for a parent EVER . Anyway , as I was trying to score some serious Mum points , I set up the three kids outside with easels and little pots of paint and water . For a good three minutes I swanned around knowing I was probably going to go straight to Mum heaven for this act of awesome Mum - ness . Then one of my little darlings needed more water , one paint and one a clean brush . So I nipped inside for TWO MINUTES to sort them out , thinking at the time how I could somehow let it get around school / kinda / Australia that I was such a caring earth mother . Upon sashaying back outside with more supplies , I have to say all motherly love evaporated . The two eldest had stripped the youngest bare and had painted her head to toe GREEN . All in her hair , eye brows , bottom - everywhere . She then ran inside and jumped all over our ' grown up ' couch . Early childhood programs tend to all have a similar approach to kids picking on others . The kid being picked on is meant to say " Stop it ! I don 't like it ! " to the other child , and if the child is question does not stop the offending behavior , they are then encouraged to tell a teacher . She replied " I said ' Stop it ! I Don 't like it ! " I asked her if he stopped . She said that he didn 't . I asked her what she did next , expecting that she went and told the teacher ( Old Hat that she is ) . Officially starting to blog again . Many apologies for taking to long ! Here is a picture of our three little darlings eating ice cream in their tree house . A few quick stories : Maria is so tall , so grown up and so excited to start school ! She plays for hours with Sam - they make up long and elaborate games involving astronauts , deep sea diving , horses and Spiderman . She is full of smiles , stories and questions ! Yesterday she asked me how the English people came to Australia . She asked if England was overcrowded and all the people that were overflowing got on a boat and came to Australia . I explained briefly about explorers and discovering Australia . She responded enthusiastically , asking if all the white - skinned people made friends with the Aboriginals and shared everything . I had to tell her that sadly , some of the English people were mean to the Aboriginal people . Maria asked in a hushed whisper if some of them were killed . I said yes , and she responded with an aggressive " Well that was the olden days and everyone is friends now ! " I had to say that some people about the world are still mean to people with different coloured skin . She replied , " Well , when I grow up I 'm going to be an explorer and find all the people that don 't like black - skinned people and teach them to be kind to everyone . " My heart swelled and I felt so proud of my grown up daughter with such a compassionate and kind heart . She then continued , " And if the people still won 't be nice to the black - skinned people , I will get them all together and dig a big hole . . . . " I had to butt in there and say " Maria ! You can 't bury people ! ! " She replied very matter - of - factly , " Oh no mum , I would only bury them their necks . " I burst out laughing and had to pull over in the car as I couldn 't see through my tears ! ! I am going to miss her dreadfully when she goes to school . She 's our Maria - her own little entity - nothing alters her trajectory . I am so privileged to have been her primary carer during her preschool years . It goes too quickly ! Mark does an amazing job MamaKatie Just a quick update - Maria is really into ballet , and wears her ' tutu ' everywhere with her leggings and ' ballet ' shoes ( little pink flats with hearts on them ) . She twirls and whirls and looks lovey ! I have some pictures I will upload hopefully this afternoon . Just finished my summer uni subject so I have remnants of free time again ! Very exciting . Maria is loving kinda and is doing really well . We went to the pool yesterday and she is such a fish ! There is a slide at this particular pool , and I couldn 't believe how big she looked lining up and taking turns with the big kids to go on the slide . My baby is growing up ! ! Samuel was put to bed early and without a story the other day because he had been hurting Bekah all day , and sitting on her was the last straw . He chucked a huge wobbly about going to bed , so in the end we took his Lightning McQueen off him . Well , that sent him into a huge rage , and after about 5 mins of listening to his scream , Mark went in to tell him off . There was silence then Mark told me to come and see something . There was Sam , in the middle of his bed completely naked , will all his sheets , doonas and clothes on the floor . He was sitting there , arms crossed , glaring at us . We burst out laughing at him , which defused the situation . He laughed back and after we got him dressed and put his bed back together he went off to sleep quite happily . I 've just started playing netball on a Thursday morning , and while I play the kids go into the creche there for the 50 mins while I play . They are all in a big room with tons of toys and 3 lovely carers that just let them go wild . After my game , I went to pick them up and asked the lady how Bekah was ( she can be VERY clingy to mummy ) . The lady laughed and said that Bekah ruled the room and spent her time dancing to the music , laughing at the big kids and talking to all the inanimate objects she could get her hands on . I can well imagine Bekah calling the shots ! ! Today we decided on a whim to go to the beach . The kids had a ball ! Maria is a water baby and wants to spend the whole time swimming . She loves duck diving and splashing around . She also likes finding beach treasures in the water or on the sand . Today she found a few different types of seaweed , a star fish , some crabs , and some ooh - ie goo - ie long strings of jelly fish . There were only two other kids anywhere in sight , and of course with in the hour Maria had befriended them and was initiating crab hunting , pier exploring , and lying together in the rock pools . Sammy tagged along and was soon in the thick of it all with them . They are such social butterflies ! ! Sam likes to roll around in the water nearer the shallows and commando crawl in the warm pools . We got him a little swimming vest , which has really helped his confidence and also takes the pressure off him going too deep for his ability . He 's really good and doesn 't go far , but he still is not happy putting his head under and the vest helps him to bob around . He really likes it - it 's orange . He also likes finding treasures , although his treasure of choice today was a long bit of driftwood that he spent ages throwing it into the water and retrieving with great commentry to go along with it . Bekah today was the surprise bundle ! On the previous occasions when we have gone to the beach she has really enjoyed herself , but today she was over the top crazy in love ! As soon as she saw the sand and water she started waving and flapping in my arms and getting really excited . As soon as I put her down she was playing in the sand and telling us all about it . We then followed the other two into the water and she was in heaven . She was crawling all through the little waves and splashing around like her siblings . If I wasn 't there to grab her she would have quite happily crawled out to sea - the waves and water in her face only egged her on and she was laughing with excitement . She loves Maria and Sam so much - the whole time she was giggling at their antics and trying to folPosted by A few Sunday 's ago , the door bell went at 7 : 50 in the morning . Mark was having a sleep in ( we take it in turns - I had a lovely 4 hr sleep in the day before ) and my first thought was that the door to door salesmen were getting a bit too keen . I opened the door to our very apologetic neighbour who asked if we owned a little grey bunny . I said we do , and he proceeded to explain that there was a very happy rabbit chewing on his petunias with gusto , and that she wasn 't a problem except that she might run on to the road if he left his garage door open . I told him to give me two minutes and I 'd be right over . I stood there for a moment trying to decide what to do . I thought it unfair to interrupt Mark 's glorious sleep in , so I whipped the kids out of their pj 's into their day clothes quicker then a hare out of a burrow . I then told them that we had to go on a mission ( I might have called them ' troops ' - although this might be too embarrassing to mention on a public post ) . We marched over to the neighbours with Maria and Sam armed with nets on poles , Bekah in her stroller , and my charming self in a jumper , pj bottoms , with gorgeous ugg boot completing my outfit . Hot stuff . Our neighbour must have heard us ' one - two , forward march ' - ing over and met us at the door . He looked a little bit confused - I think it was the uggs . . . too overdressed ? - but he let us in anyway . I couldn 't help but feel a bit out of place as we trooped through his house to his back yard , but I quickly overcame the uncomfortable feeling as I spied Gloria dearest sunbathing on his patio . We decided the simple round up was the way to go , and prepared for a long battle . However it was over pretty quickly - yours truly managed to do a running dive and catch the little pet in one of the nets . I though it was pretty impressive , but the puzzled look was back on my neighbours face so I decided to get out pretty quickly before he started asking about where I get my style . However , there was a slight problem with getting the rabbit home . Gloria has turned slightly fePosted by Yesterday was Maria 's very first day of kindergarten ! She was so excited and ready to go long before we had to leave . She picked out a very pink outfit - she has something to say about the mater ( she 's sitting here on my knee dictating to me what to write ) . " Um - the other day there is going to be more kids on the next day I go to kinda . I gave my teacher ( what 's their names ? ) Bree and Marina some biscuits I made all by self , Maria Clare . Some ' Maria 's Munchies ' . I loved everybody . I played in the dolls house after morning tea - I goed outside and then . . . and then . . . what about you . . . doll house after morning tea time . " " Are you finished ? " I just asked . " No yet yet . . stop your typing for a minute . Then we went outside , I play with the . . there was a little house and there were people and it had lots of different things " What was your favourite thing at your new kinda ? Playing with the houses and the cubby house and the house that they made out of 1 sheet . Guess what there was some toys in the cubby house . What did not like at kinda ? The tent with the bookshelves . I didn 't play with that one because no one wanted to play with me in there . What are you looking forward to next time you go ? Playing play - dough . Next time at kinda there are going to be so many kids - lots of children and they have forgotten their names and we have to tell them . It has white walls inside . I love you everybody - love Maria Yesterday we took a trip to a children 's farm to entertain the troops . We drove up and I have to say I was initially disappointed . It looked slightly dilapidated and there didn 't seem to be much around . However , after we had bought the kids some bags of animal food , we put on our enthusiastic faces and went to find the animals . Simply put , we all had a ball . There was a ' nursery ' barn with pens of baby animals that the kids got to hold and cuddle , a long walk around the property through the paddocks of different animals that the kids got to feed , tractor rides and lovely grounds for a picnic . We had the best time - Maria befriended an alpaca , Sam chased a deer , and Bekah laughed at the bunnies . Mark rode the tractor with the kids and I helped Maria milk a cow . Our picnic was really peaceful . Maria and Sam harassed the nearby turtles while Bekah snoozed in her stroller . Mark and I were sitting at the table when a harassed looking lady dragged two young kids past kicking and screaming . We looked at her slightly bemused ( usually it is us with the disruptive kids ) . She caught our eyes and said " I 'm so sorry - you are both probably having a serene and tranquil picnic and here we are ruining it ! " We both laughed and I said " Oh no we have two more they are over there chasing a duck ! " She looked over to see Maria and Sam running at a full sprint trying to catch a big , fat rooster . Maria was adding flapping wings and a waddle for effect . Just as the lady left , we lost sight of our angels . Just as I was beginning to wonder where they had gone we heard Sam let out a loud yell . I jumped up and found him clutching his finger , saying " The duckie pecked me ! " I was concerned until he burst out laughing and said " The funny birdie bit me it was so funny ! " Maria had a great time with the baby animals - she fell in love with a little white chick and wouldn 't put it down . However when it was time for us to go , she accidentally let all the baby chickens out of the cage , so all the visitors in the barn were chasing them back into their cagPosted by
|
Okay , so like I am totally confused . I was in the marina public showers today , and this hot guy got into the shower . . but before he got in , he stripped down by throwing his clothes on the dirty shower room floor . Lots of guys getting in and out of the shower : pee and what have you . I was drying my hair and the clothes on the dirty floor were bothering me . But get this . . . when he got out of the shower , he put his dirty clothes from the floor , - back on . I think Facebook must think I am really important or something , because next to my profile picture it says I have 481 things to review . Does Facebook think I am the chairman of my page or something , and that I need to review things now ? Why would I want to review anything ? I 'm just shitting around here for giggles on Facebook . I don 't take it that seriously , do you ? They want me to approve tags , adds to other pages and groups . I have something like 1 , 425 invites to groups and group functions . Do you people think I am going to fly around the world attending special functions ? Heck , I didn 't even look at the invites until just now . I usually ignore them , and only look at them when my page flashes to one . I have so many that it would take me two days just to delete them all , so I just let them pile up there , and ignore them . I 've been invited to a 28th Annual Gathering and I have no idea what the gathering is even for , heck I don 't even know the people who invited me . There is one invite for a BBQ all the way on the other side of the country . How do they even know if I like BBQ ? Do you know how much time and money it would cost me to fly to say , St . Augustine for a BBQ ? Even if I got a " to go " bag of ribs , it wouldn 't make up for the cost of going there . Do people think I don 't know how to make my own BBQ ? Maybe I 'm a vegan , or soemthing . Oh crap , I bet I 'll get vegan requests now . I have messages for links to , " Browse Single Women In My Area . " I mean , for crap 's sake , don 't they know I 'm as gay as Liberace ? I 've been homo - partnered for thirty two years , now . My page even says I 'm in a domestic partnership with a man . What would my partner say if he thought I was browsing for single women via Facebook ? How do they even know where my area is ? Nobody knows where my area is , or even where I am . Well , maybe one person knows where I am right now , but I can guarantee you that nobody else does . I rarely tell people where I am . I don 't want people coming to look for me , or worse , invite me to something I don 't really care abouPosted by If you remember scenes like this , you 'll understand where I get my snarky , cynical and often sarcastic commentary from . I find humor and see the flip side of life in everything , along with the hypocrisy of living in these modern , and care - less days . Imagine the cramped , legless spaces available on airlines today , combined with lousy stale food , drink and entertainment available for purchase , and . . . you 'll see why I am so cynical . Everywhere you go these days , less is less . We rush around like idiots , drive like idiots and stand in line like idiots , all for sub - par service served up with crappy attitudes and snotty comments . I am always overly - polite and gushingly friendly and a bit wild & witty with people who work in the service industry when I meet them . They usually enjoy that , although not often . It 's the ones who don 't appreciate that spark my creativity and revenge . I 've worked as a service person my share of the time . I know what it 's like on both sides of the table . I once flew on a plane similar to this back in the days when flying was an adventure and a party . You could jazz the stewardesses , and back then , they were actually called stewardesses . You could smoke cigarettes , drink a real cocktail and celebrate your adventure . I even sat in the back of a plane one time and smoked pot with some new friends . The stewardesses thought it was funny and they called me , Sweet Pea and even gave me a complimentary bottle of champagne when I got off the plane . I really know how to smooth talk the help and have a good time . Back in the day , the stewardess actually carved turkey or roast beef for you . I once quipped : Ah , life 's a banquet and we 're eating on the plane . Well , not any more . Now they 're called , Flight Attendents which is actually hysterical because all they do is hand you peanuts , pretzels and a shitty drink , then they hand you a crappy meal that you have to pay for , and pick up your trash . On our flight a few days ago , my partner was given a bag of pretzels that must have weighed half and ounce . It was a Steve * Also , the book is available for download on e - books , Kindle , Amazon and other venues . The Day I Accidentally Pooped in a Public Jacuzzi I have never liked Florida . I 've tried to like it . But I don 't . My family went there on vacation when I was a kid , and I never saw any redeeming value to it . My partner and I have gone there from time to time , for various reasons , and eh , I still don 't like it . Well , we had to go down to Florida this past spring for some repairs on our RV . If you know RV 's and you know Florida , you know there is a state of the art service & sales facility there . It 's top of the line in ripping people off . It 's located in Seffner , Florida and man oh man do they take in the rich people and fleece them for all the cash they can get their hands on . This operation is so smooth , that while people are waiting for their RV to be serviced , they have sales associates who will wheel you around their estate grounds and show you the latest in RV technology state of the art equipment with recreation vehicles that cost two hundred grand and up . They even serve a free breakfast , lunch and dinner in their restaurant . We went inside a bunch of the half million dollar motor homes for sale , just for fun , and they had marble floors . The ceilings in these motor homes looked like something out of Las Vegas with halogen lights , granite countertops , marble floors , convection ovens , double flat screen televisions , washers and dryers , marble bathrooms and surround sound stereo systems that would put most movie theaters out of business . If you stop in this particular RV super center and luxury campground for any service , and you have any money , chances are you will be driving out of there less a quarter to half a million dollars or more . I know that for a fact , because we saw it happen . This place must have sold one hundred new RV 's in the few days were were there . I think I read that they sell four hundred to five hundred RV 's per month . No shit . The brakes in our RV went out , and we had to limp in there for repair . Get this , the super center is so big , and so full of 40 ' motor coaches that they StevenLaguna Anywho , I just went to take a shower here at the marina . They have private shower facilities for boat owners . I had finished my shower and was just about to dry my hair when in walked 6 big guys who work on the landscaping here . They also clean the showers & toilets for the slip renters - one of which would be me . These six big workers - The Help , walked in to actually use the bathrooms while I was standing there brushing my teeth . Three of them plowed into the toilets and sat down So much for the fragrance I had just put in my hair . The other three men were at the urinal farting and pissing . Although they were not all that attractive , The Help , as I could see , I could not help craning to see if I could catch a peek of their dingle dangles in the mirror , but could not , no matter how hard I tried . And then it happened . The whole room filled up with the stench of defecation . If there 's one thing I can 't stand , it 's smelling shiz while I 'm getting out of the shower , trying to make myself presentable . I mean , three big guys taking a shit at the same time ? Gag me . I grabbed my stuff so that I could bolt out of that private shower , cursing in my mind all the while , thinking : why don 't they have separate toilets for the help ? As the words were forming in my brain , I realized I am nothing more than an arrogant white lady . Still , there 's nothing worse than trying to make yourself stunningly attractive , while , smelling the equivalent of the Orange County sewer system in your nostrils . Coincidentally , I had just watched , " The Help " on the movie system in the air , yesterday . Thank god for private in - fight viewing , it 's just about the only thing Delta Airlines does right . I hate that stinkin ' airline . I only booked that airline because it had a short duration flight from the east coast to the west coast , with one hideous connecting flight in Atlanta . Some stuck up airline stewardess was forty fucking minutes late yesterday in Savannah for some unknown reason and the entire flight was delayed waiting for the help to arrive . Several people made rather LOUD comments about it once she walked on - board and sashayed past us . She was Asian and a few people were so mad they started talking like Asians : who da fook she fing she is , make us way fo ' fortay minute fo ' her ? I gonna trip her fat ass when she walk down aisle ! I blurted out : Let 's kill her ! Then I realized it 's probably not a good thing to shout out on an airline . When we landed in Atlanta , we had to run the length of five god damned football fields to catch our next flight . We arrived at gate E38 and had to run like raging idiots to the train , and then take that to terminal A and then run like holy hell to the other end of terminal A to gate A36 . If you know that airport , you know it 's a modern miracle to run from one end of that terminal to the other end even on a day when you have all the time in the world . By the time I ran and got on the train , I turned around just in time to see the door slam shut and my partner had just missed it . I waved goodbye to him from the inside of the train , tears filling my eyes . I could see him standing on the deck waving goodbye as the train pulled away from the terminal , just like a scene from Dr . Zhivago where he runs after Laura on that damned train she got on . Trains just won 't wait for anybody these days . I think they used to in the good old days . Same with planes . Not any more . Which brings me to the damned plane . Do you think they 'd wait for the ten of us that had to make that connection ? Hell no . That Asian stewardess could take her time and they held that plane for her , making the rest of us forty minutes late . When I got to A36 there was a big black woman who was the gate agent . The Help . I ran up to her short of breath as I heard them announcing over the P . A . - Final Boarding is now over for flight ticky - tacky to Orange County . I rushed up to Miss Blackie in a dither and screamed out : Darling , I made it ! My partner is just a football field behind me , I think I see him staggering down the corridor , yes - there he is in a white shirt , can you see him ? Helloo ? Can you open the gate door for us , you see our flight was delayed forty minutes and . . . And then she hefts up her girth and shoots me a look over her glasses and then barks at me : I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME . She yaps . Well ! I never ! What a fucking old whore ! I 'd like to see her run her fat black ass all over the airport with those gi - normous tits of hers , and see how she likes it . I had visions of being put up in some god - forsaken hotel , - at the Atlanta Airport . . . We had heard that the next available flights were booked solid , and although we were booked on another flight just in case we missed ours , we were told there were no guarantees . I could see my life flashing before my eyes . I watched my partner stagger down the airport . He was carrying our dog Haley and a set of Laptop computers with all of the accessories . Rather heavy . I got a little hopped up and thought I might cut a bitch if she doesn 't open that gate door and let us on - board , hold that plane and all two hundred passengers on board . Panic set in and I thought I might just get on that flight and leave my partner stranded . See if I 'm going to spend the night in Atlanta . E - yew . I hate that town . What town there is of it . I have no idea why anybody would live there . We finally sit in our seats just as the captain is pulling away from the gate . Oh and get this , we were seated in the last seat on one of their biggest planes . I was starving as I had only had a bite or two of watery scrambled egg at the hotel at 6 a . m . I had not been able to sleep the night before , waking at two a . m . and tossed there until suddenly , I realized I had forgotten my shaving razor at 5 a . m . Ack ! I went down to the front desk at 5 : 30 to inquire about a razor . The help at the desk shot me a look and said : you fa ' got ya razah ? Well , I don 't have any razors for sale , but I got some we give away . Okay , I don 't like a smart ass at five a . m . So I turned and said , do you have any coffee ? She replies : they just went to get a hot pot hun , be ' bout twenty minutes or so . When they started the meal service on the plane , I was ready to have something to eat . I was starving . Unfortunately , the plane had over 200 passengers on it , and we were in the last row . By the time The Help got to us to see if we wanted a meal for purchase , she says : Sorry , I ran out of sandwiches a long time ago . Peanuts ? Pretzels ? Fucking bitch . We were seething as we didn 't have time to grab a bite in Atlanta , so I snubbed her and shot her evil eyes for the next hour . She kept patting me on the shoulder each time she walked by , shot me that sorry look with her big brown eyes . About an hour later she walks up to me and says , I found two cheese & cracker trays for you . Complimentary . As if I would have even considered paying for them . Oh they were yummy . I hadn 't slept the night before , hauled our asses to that airport at 7 in the morning and then , snubbed by the Asian help and no food all day . Blue cheese with crackers and fruit never tasted so good . I was grateful to her at that point , and tried to fake a little smile , but I still hated her guts , even though she liked me . Ack ! Thanksgiving is almost here . It reminds me , I have not spoken to my mother , sister or her husband in nearly three years . It has nothing to do with the last fateful Thanksgiving we spent together , however … I hope they choke on the dried up piece of shit turkey my sister 's husband makes for them , without the stuffing inside because : Ooh , Steven . . . . you can 't stuff a turkey anymore , we 'll all get a bacterial infection and we 'll get sick and die . Yeah , choke on your fucking dried up stuffing you lubed up butt - holes . See if I ever make stuffing for you again . The last time I was there , they begged me to make the stuffing I 've made for 32 years . It 's a sausage stuffing and it 's perfection in a bowl . I 've been watching cooking shows since Julia Child was on alongside the Galloping Gourmet . All of the sudden , all the new stupid foodies on television are telling people ya can 't stuff a frickin ' turkey any longer . I know how to prepare fresh foods without cross contamination . They finally agreed to let me do it my way because I told them I wouldn 't prepare it otherwise . I said it won 't be that good , so just make it your way , really . Reluctantly , her husband and I agreed upon it in the garage and we shake on it . My sister 's husband was going to brine the turkey for twenty - four hours , even though he has no idea what he 's doing and has never cooked a turkey in his life . I said : Glenn , since you 've never even made a turkey before , and I 've been making turkey for 32 years , trust me , just get a fresh turkey and roast it according to the directions , there 's no reason to brine . Of course , it was like talking to a brick wall , because he thinks he knows better . So , he brines the thing all day and all night long and I shut up about it , but when it came time to stuff the turkey , my sister 's husband couldn 't stand it and he screams at me after he puts two tiny scoops of dressing inside the bird : God dammit Steven ! Will you fucking shut the fuck up ! The fucking turkey is fucking stuffed all fucking - ready ! And then he throws the spoon across the kitchen where stuffing and turkey bits splatter all over the kitchen counter , floors and wall , as he storms off to his bedroom . Well ! I never ! He 's never screamed at me before , although I knew he had it in him . I think he 's been wanting to scream at me for like , twenty four years now , and he finally couldn 't stand it any longer . I 've been eating stuffed turkey for 52 fucking years and I 'm still not dead ! My mother stuffed her turkey , my grandmother stuffed her turkey and my great grandmother stuffed her god damned turkey and nobody ever died or got sick from it ! My mother is sitting there shaking her head in disgust , because she sides with my sister over everything , and therefore , Glenn won that round . How dare I try to stuff their fucking turkey ! My mother says : Steven , nobody stuffs turkeys now . They say it 's dangerous . I reply : Mom , you stuffed your turkey for 50 years , why don 't you be quiet now ? How was his turkey ? Dried up and foul tasting . Over - salting meat causes the meat to seize up . Never comes out as well as proper roasting and seasoning . Oh , and he tried to cover the enormous thing in tin - foil , which only steams meat , but I shut up . At this point , what choice did I have ? He has a brand new state of the art oven and it dried it out . I think he had it on convection or something , and didn 't know how to adjust the timing . It 's one of those ovens that has a super computer in it . The big show off . Oh God . We 're staying at Assateague state park for a few days and we actually had the sheriff called on us two nights ago . We 're traveling in our land yacht with the dogs , and we 're staying in a section of the campground that doesn 't allow dogs . We snuck them in , since they 're only Yorkshire terriers , two of them , that weigh five pounds each . Some ass - wipe black guy in the dog section saw my little Zoey over here in the dog free section and called the cops on me . Not once , but twice . The first time the park ranger asked if I had a dog , because the dick - wad reported me , I lied and said no . I told them it was someone else who had a dog , pointed to the left and said : they went that way . The second time , the county sheriff was actually called & came out . I 'm quite certain the black guy who reportedly called on me , probably thought he was segregated because let 's face it , I 'm white and have a dog and I 'm in the ' elite ' section , and he 's not . And he 's black , has a dog and he 's in the no amenities , segregated section . Oh , and he 's huge . I would have beaten him up , if it weren 't for the fact that he 's about 6 ' 5 " and muscular , and I 'm 5 ' 11 " and gay . We don 't want to stay in the dog section because there is no water or electric power there , and they probably have to pee in a piss pot and shit in the bushes . It 's been cold and I 'm rather delicate when it comes to my luxuries . We need heat , I need my laptop and MiFi charged , and I need hot water and lights , because I have a china cabinet in the land yacht , and I need to have my pretty things lit up at night . It 's like gay camping . Anyway , the sheriff came and he was so mad , he screamed and spit at me for ten or fifteen minutes before he calmed down . Called us liars and demanded to see : " the dog . " Little did he know we actually had two dogs , because Tony threw our little Haley in the closet when I screamed : oh crap the cops are here , hide the dogs ! Zoey was standing at the doorway with her tongue hanging out when the sheriff spotted her . The park ranger was there , too . A slight woman who giggled when she saw Zoey The sheriff demanded driver 's licenses , vehicle registration , I thought he might handcuff me . . . fortunately , I have fake tags that say my dogs are service dogs . I threw that in the sheriff 's face . I also have a medical card that shows a relatively recent surgery and two letters from my doctor that say I am traveling with my dogs , and that she recommends it because of my , ' condition ' . Whatever that is . She probably wrote that letter on my behalf , knowing there is nothing really wrong with me , however knowing that I can be an emotional nut - case at the drop of a hat and that I tend to have high anxiety . I 've actually broken down in her office and cried before . Sometimes I can appear to be so gay . So , shoot me . That sheriff was so pissed that you would have thought I had plutonium inside my land yacht and that I was engaged in making nuclear bombs or something . Fortunately , the fake service tags look real , and on the back they have instruction from the American Dissabilities Act saying I can 't be segregated or discriminated against for any reason . So they were forced to let me stay in the camping section with electricity . The sheriff started asking me a whole bunch of questions : why I am traveling so much , what is my physical problem and other nosy bullshit questions that , according to my fake service dog tags , he 's not allowed to ask me . It 's against the law . So , I answered his questions anyway , because I 'm like that . I have a blabber mouth and will engage and talk to anybody at the drop of a hat . I love talking to people , I learn a lot from it and honestly , what do I care if he wants to know why I am a mental case ? I know he 's freaking out because my ' service dog ' weighs five pounds . He says , ' What exactly is it she does for you ? " - ( his eyes widen ) and see , I know she 's tiny , but I used to have big dogs . In fact , my last dog was a 70 pound Doberman Pins . . . and at this point , I actually wet up a bit , thinking of my little lap - dog Doberman named Ranger . Oh , and I didn 't give him that stupid name , he came with the name . Some asstard straight couple was getting a divorce and could no longer keep him . I got him when he was two years old , and I didn 't have the heart to start calling him by another name - like Duke , or Duddly or some - other dumb name . I mean , who the fuck names a Doberman , Ranger ? God I hated that name , but he was my ' baby ' and by this time , I am shaking a bit because let 's face it , I 've had the cops called on me twice . . . so I 'm sitting there shaking a bit , wetting - up a bit while telling this guy I 'm on : medication - as he 's glancing over my medical card that says my entire left shoulder , ball and socket , plus the humerus has been reconstructed out of titanium . I think he started feeling sorry for me , because his cheeks looked like they were on fire when he first pulled up to the front of our land yacht , like a scene out of Blazing Saddles or something , and now his cheeks were white again and the forehead un - furrowed a bit . And he says , m e d i c a t i o n ? And I know he 's not allowed to ask me that , but I blurt out : I have mental issues . Which of course , I do - but very mildly . Doesn 't everyone ? But , I haven 't taken medication in over two years , but he doesn 't know that . I do have a lovely collection of pain pills , muscle relaxants , butt - cream , Trazodone and Lexapro . I really should call my doctor and tell her I 'm running low on Dilaudid . Wow . That was close . I actually take a deep breath and I 'm screaming and jumping up and down like I 'm having an epileptic siezure screaming at Tony : thank God I got that letter from my doctor and ordered those fake service dog tags on the Internet ! Oh for crap 's sake . Do you mean I am going to have to spend the weekend staring at Mennonites ? I can actually feel my ball sack tighten up a bit , and my peen goes completely soft . My nipples harden . Yep . Mennites . except I know they 're closely related to Amish and Quakers , and their license plates say : PENNSYLVANIA and I think : yep , weirdos . The women look like pasty white pansies . I start wondering if the husbands will try to beat me up or something . They have a little pink in their skin , on the cheeks , a bit of fresh blush . Their skin is so white it 's nearly translucent . They have little hats taped to their heads with giant Bobby pins and they are all wearing pink and white jackets with fake fur on the hood . Honestly , it 's not that cold out side . It 's windy , and in the 60 's , and they 're dressed as if it 's going to snow at any minute . They also have on long blue jean skirts that skirt the ankles and they are wearing Uggs . ACK ! Damn they look Uggly . Who the fuck wears Uggs any more ? They 're outdated and make people look like clod hoppers . I swear , straight people can be so tacky when it comes to clothing . I bet these Mennonites live on a commune in PA . somewhere and don 't even know any gay people , and they certainly don 't know about fashion . Long skirts with Uggs ? Bobby pins with cotton caps ? Well , it 's obvious . They 're Mennonites and let 's face it , they lead very sheltered , closed - minded backwards archaic lives . I mean , I know a bit about Quakers , and Skaker Quakers and Amish . . . and I know Mennonites believe in a bit of technology , whereas I don 't think the Amish do . I start feeling sorry for the women : oppressed by their husbands . Thoughts of Mormons and polygamists run through my head . And for Christ 's sake , they 're wearing Uggs ! They 're indoctrinating those poor , innocent little people into their cult . This morning I had thoughts running through my head , about taking my little dog outside , and then telling the little kids : Your mommy and daddy are lying to you . Then I imagine saying something like : you don 't see magic invisible Jesus anywhere , do you ? ( they 're all shaking their heads no ) and I continue : your mommy and daddy don 't see magic invisible Jesus either , yet they 're lying to you and telling you that invisible magic Jesus is watching your every move . . . but you all remember now , while yer growing up , the nice man told you it 's all . . . So then I start reading about Mennonites and learn how they migrated here from the Netherlands , Germany , blah blah blah . Settled in Pennsylvania seeking to avoid persecution , welcomed by William Penn who at the time , was looking for colonists in his territory , while the Mennonites were looking for a place to escape discrimination and persecution . Mostly from the Catholic church from whom they broke away from , many centuries earlier . You know how nutty Catholics are . . . dunking their babies heads in ' holy water ' , I mean honestly ? How nutty do you have to be to believe water can be , ' holy ' and then actually dunk your baby 's head in it , or worse , schvitz the baby with it all over its innocent little face ? And then there 's the transubstantiation bullshit where idiotic Catholics think that eating a cracker and slurping down a gulp of wine is actually eating the body and blood of Jesus Christ because some moron who calls himself a ' priest ' waves his hands over the mess while speaking mumbo jumbo and jibberish . I mean , shit - even the Mennonites are smart enough that they don 't believe that load of crap . That 's why they walked away from the Catholic Church and their insanity , which is : hogwash - spewed down from generations of idiots who think magic Jesus is real . They think magic is real . Of course , none of them have ever seen magic things happen , and magic Jesus has never appeared before any of them , yet they continue to insist with all their might , and messed up cult - infused brains , that magic Jesus is all around them , watching everything they do . . . mostly making certain they don 't engage in sex even if it 's with themselves . God created the human body , he created orgasm and fantastic sensation , but for Christ 's sake , don 't enjoy your own body , or you 'll go to hell . Nutballs . But they 're very quiet . In fact , they 're a shy people . They won 't look you in the eye , mostly . They glance down a bit , socially awkward and backwards like most religious , cultist groups that live mostly segregated lives . Anyone or anything outside of their small social world is frightening to them . And then I read how they are a peaceful people , refusing war and fighting . They 're against it and during the war , they were conscientious objectors , refusing to serve in Canada and the United States in any way . In the states they were allowed to work Civilian Public Service and avoid the war . Lucky . Don 't they know our country fought a war to end tyranny from the King of England ? America 's founders founded the country on freedom of religion by fighting a war . And they have the nerve to come here and refuse to fight and kill people ? It 's un - American . Why , I ought to go over there and bitch - slap the shit out of them . The nerve ! The first permanent settlement of Mennonites in the American Colonies consisted of one Mennonite family and twelve Mennonite - Quaker families of Dutch extraction who arrived from Krefeld , Germany , in 1683 and settled in Germantown , Pennsylvaia . Among these early settlers was William Rittenhouse a lay minister and owner of the first American paper mill , Jacob Gottschalk was the first bishop of this Germantown congregation . This early group of Mennonites and Mennonite - Quakers wrote the first formal protest against slavery in the United States . The treatise was addressed to slave - holding Quakers in an effort to persuade them to change their ways . I wonder what they did during the Civil War ? Protest quietly ? Gee , that wasn 't going to work . The Civil War was the bloodiest battle ever fought on American soil . Wasn 't it ? It took a whole lotta fighting to end slavery in America . Maybe the Mennonites just stayed home and watched television while making war cookies & sold them like the girl scouts , to raise money for the cause ? No , that doesn 't make sense . It 's a good thing I didn 't shoot them or anything . I don 't have a gun . Maybe I could have stabbed them to death with my kitchen knife . I had no idea they were peaceful wimps . Wonder what they would do if someone went after them ? Cover their eyes and scream like little girls ? Okay , see , that 's the crazy in me . My brain thinks like that , and the reason why some people call me sexist . That is sexist , right ? Or maybe not . What do you call people who dislike Mennonites ? Don 't answer that . I would have liked to call the county Sheriff on them . " Um , hello ? Yes , there are a group of peaceful people camping next to me , and although they 're super quiet and seem like really nice , lovely people , they 're bugging the shit out of me because they believe in invisible magic Jesus and other spooky stories , can you come arrest them for me ? " I 'm hoping they will leave today . They have a lot of kids , and it 's Sunday . Shouldn 't they be in church or something ? Praying to their invisible magic Jesus ? Coincidentally , I had been watching a documentary on PBS about John Muir , a Scottish - born American naturalist who had a very strict religious upbringing . In fact , his father Daniel thought that anything that distracted from bible studies was frivolous and punishable . So he beat the shit out of his son like a good Disciple of Christ , scared the crap out of him , and gave him lashings for just being a normal , young boy and a human being . His father was such a nutball , like many Christians , filled with nutty and crazy ideas , that he would give his kid lashings and then have him build a giant bonfire . Then he would threaten his son by asking John what he thought it would be like to actually fall into the fire , and burn forever . He told the boy , that 's what Hell is like . I mean , really , how the fuck would he know ? Has he ever been there ? Do Christians really have to make up such bat - shit crazy stories and scare the hell out of innocent children ? The kid would be scrapping on the playground , or looking for bird 's nests and his father would beat the ever - living crap out of him . Nice guy . By the age of eleven , By age 11 , young Muir had learned to recite " by heart and by sore flesh " all of the New Testament and most of the Old Testament . Fortunately , he was an intelligent man , and although he remained deeply religious , in his writings , he later described the conventional image of a Creator " as purely a manufactured article as any puppet of a half - penny theater . " Well , at least he grew up a little bit , which is what we can 't say of most religious nuts . He went on to embrace science , and came up with natural explanations for things on earth and specialized in botany . But , that 's how nutty the Christian are , I swear , they will believe anything . Posted by
|
I 've been getting ready for a bout of free motion for the last couple of weeks . I 've pieced a quilt top . I 've put my hexagons on the black fabric . Both of those are now wrapped around gift paper rolls waiting for their turn . I also pieced two log cabin blocks . One rather wonky and the other a classic one . I 've got piecing problems with both of them , but they were pieced to be learning projects , so I decided to just keep on . I started out with some stippling on the sandwich I use to warm up on . I hate stippling , even good stippling , and mine isn 't good . I decided to try the stippling Sharon Schamber taught in one of the DVDs that The Quilt Show is allowing their members to watch for free . It is a bit different from the method Leah Day teaches . And at least I didn 't find myself having to cross over . But it is still pretty ugly . I had made up a bunch of 7 inch squares and put a 4 inch square in the middle of them . This is the first one . The pattern is one Leah Day taught on her web site this week called Inside the Sun . This is the first time I did 4 inch squares , and I think they are a good idea , but I 'd like more fabric around them to make handling the fabric easier . I also stitched it into the middle square on one of the two Log Cabin Blocks . This isn 't a great photo of it . All of the fabrics are darker , and the thread is a beige . I have been quilting this week . What I have not been doing is blogging , mainly because it turns out that the computer chair has been a factor in my walking issues . So for several days I 've avoided this computer and this chair . I do have a laptop that I almost never use , so I 've been fighting the computer wars with that laptop . One of the things that happen when you don 't use a computer for months on end is that the updates pile up . Yesterday it literally took hours to deal with backed up updates including a full scale service pack that had never been applied to the laptop . Right now , I can 't blog on the laptop . I don 't have a way to get the pictures into the blog from that computer . My intentions are to get a new chair into this room , but that also has to wait until I 'm strong enough to go and get it , and can set someone up to help me get it out of the car and into the house . Not that easy on a holiday weekend . So here are the updates on the current quilting projects . The Coin Quilt top is finished . I rolled it on an old wrapping paper roller until I can get to the next step , which is putting the sandwich together and quilting it . I 'm not sure what kind of quilting it will be , but it will be free motion . And probably more complex than most of the things I 've done so far . I 've gotten almost all of the papers out of the hexagrams . I left the ones on the outside on purpose . It turned out it was not necessary to remove the basting except from the first one . I used my Purple Thang to dig under the papers so I could get them out and it was extremely easy . It is going to make appliqueing this to the black background very easy . I have not decided if that will be done by hand or by machine . Not sure which way to go at this point . Yes , the block really is bowing out . This is the first log cabin I 've ever pieced and I learned some important things doing it . Since it is actually a practice piece and probably won 't be turned into anything other than a tote , and maybe not even that , I 'm not redoing it to make it perfect . It will be enough for my purposes and frankly it might be a good thing to learn how to deal with a block that isn 't quite all straight lines . The second block is intentionally wonky . What is interesting is that it is not bowed out in any direction . It is a little too big for the backing fabric I cut , so I will cut it down to match the size of the first block . Not sure what is going on . I got back to the machine last week and this week just looked at what was going on and left it alone . But this morning I did sit down to sew , so I can report some progress on the sewing front as well as on the knitting front . One of the seams you are looking at is just pinned . I 've got that one and one more long seam to sew and then the top and bottom borders to put on and I will actually have a quilt top . Once I 've got that I 'll be able to sandwich it and begin some more free motion quilting , which I really want to do . The fabric has arrived for the tote bag pieces for Leah Day 's second new class . I figure I 'll be using stuff from both of the new classes on these two projects . The off white fabric in the Coin Quilt ( yes it has a name already ) isn 't actually a solid , but it reads close enough that I should be OK if I use a dark enough beige when I 'm quilting . The fabric for the tote bag pieces is all solid fabrics of a medium to dark color range . Not quite as dark as what Leah Day is using in her sample pieces , but much darker than what I normally would use . They will be quilted in white thread . The idea is to begin to allow myself to see the thread . But it was very hard to actually buy solid fabrics . I 'm not a solid fabric person . The shawl has grown . Still not sure what kind of yarn this is because it came from Big Lots with their label which frankly doesn 't say any of the standard things . What it looks like is a self - striping sock type yarn , but it is thicker than sock yarn normally is . At this point it almost fills the 40 inch cable of the circular needles it is on . Pretty soon I will not be able to spread it out to take the photo . I 'm almost , within half and inch to an inch , from the place where I will do more open work rows . Not long after that the self striping will pretty much end because the total number of stitches will be so large that the red color or the green one won 't make it all the way across the row . I 'm learning a lot knitting this . It is essentially a standard top down , two triangle , shawl . It has a nice two stitch and one yarn over garter stitch edge on the side edges . I would not have thought two stitches would look that nice , but it looks like it is almost a rope edge . It also looks like it is going to be a warm shawl , so I 'll probably use it next Fall and Winter . This is the kind of project most quilters can put together in a day . Maybe two if they only cut fabric on day one . It will take me a lot longer . The long coin strips are now actually cut to the correct size . My quilt won 't be exactly the same as the one in the magazine for several reasons . I 've cut the coin strip wider than they suggested . And I 'm not sure I 'll be cutting the fabric in between the strip the same size as theirs either . I will probably have a top and bottom and side borders for two reasons . It is much easier to square up a quilted quilt if you have made extra wide borders . And I won 't be straight line quilting this . The background fabric is not a solid white . It is actually a beige and white print that reads as white . I 'm not sure but I think I 'll be using a slightly darker beige thread on the quilting because this time around I will be happy to have it show . The coins are all from my scrap boxes since there are very few duplicates . The background from fabric I bought for a quilt along that I was too sick to join up with . So all stash . I like working from stash . It was time for some changes at my house again . The 75 gallon water heater was beginning to make some very odd noises when it heated up the water . And I really didn 't need a 75 gallon water heater anyway . It was what came with the house and I gather we had to have one because of the tub that also came with the house . The wine cooler will go to my daughter 's house at some point this summer . In the meantime , it is living in my garage . And once both of them were out of the Utility Room , there was room for a tankless hot water heater and the water softener I 've been wanting since I moved into this extremely hard water area . So there it all is , taking up a lot less space than the other equipment . The washer and dryer are in that room too , on the other wall . I did some laundry this morning and there is a lot more room in there now . The yarn I picked out is a $ 1 a ball yarn from Big Lots . I 've got no idea what it is made of . I think it is either sport weight or DK . I started with size 9 circular needles because this thing is going to get big and it will be big fast . That was too loose , so I tried a size 5 needle . Better but still rather floppy . This shows the project begun with a size 2 circular . All of the needles were by different manufacturers and that turned out to be interesting in itself . But that is a different post . They yarn is really nice to work with . Right now it is self striping and trying to make little patterns . That won 't last long once the numbers of stitches doubles and triples . I 'm adding 4 stitches every other row . It feels soft and rather silky . And the colors are so pretty . There will be blocks of islet rows later in the project . This yarn is somewhat different from what I expected knitted up , but I think it won 't matter because the " lace " blocks aren 't all that complicated . I haven 't been blogging much . There hasn 't been much to blog about except medical issues and those are as boring to write about as they must be to read about . On the medical side I decided to go a more aggressive route with my back , leg and knee issues . I 'm seeing my chiropractor 3 times this week and next week , and it is already showing signs of making me a lot stronger . I got the asthma under control and am no longer using the rescue inhaler on a schedule . The nebulizer got packed away several weeks ago . So I 'm not as tired all the time as I was . The Class Quilt from the Free Motion Craftsy class taught by Ann Petersen is now in my bedroom where I can see it when I first wake up in the morning . It probably won 't be the only quilt that hangs there , but it was the project that taught me that I could free motion quilt . The only thing I wish is that I 'd had the guts to use thread that showed . But I probably have gotten there . I 've bought both of Leah Day 's new classes at Craftsy , and I 'm going to be doing the second one first . I ordered the fabric for the tote bag panels this morning from JoAnn 's online store because I 'm not physically strong enough to go shopping for it . It probably isn 't as dark fabric as the ones Leah is using in her class , but dark enough that the white thread is going to show . Meanwhile I 've watched the first class and I might watch the second one soon , but this will be a class where I follow along . The only thing I 'm not sure about is if I watch the entire thing first and then go back . That is what I did with Ann Petersen 's class once I decided to make the project , and I know that does work for me . I put my braid quilt up in the Computer Room . Right over the desk . This is an extremely strange colorway for me to have done . The fabrics really are that pale . But when I had gotten part of the braids together I realized just how much I liked the look so I didn 't use any of the darker fabrics I had and just kept going . It was so unusual for me that I had to buy the border and backing fabric after the braids were done . It is also the first quilt I ever did completely with a machine . I had pieced by machine before , but never did any quilting by machine . This wasn 't free motion . It was actually all walking foot quilting , again mainly from an Ann Petersen class . Not sure which one to credit for this . Leah Day said in her blog today how she is taking two sewing classes from two different Craftsy teachers and how what they teach is so different , but how they are illuminating things for her because she is taking both of them . I feel that way as well . I 've taken quilting classes from several Craftsy teachers , and they have all been very good classes from excellent teachers . In some ways I 've been quite active and quite busy . I 've finished the binding on the Class Quilt and just have to get the bottom of the rod pocket sewn . I 've been online and I 've ordered a couple of extra long circular needles . I seem to have decided I like the 40 inch length . I know that one can do magic loop on things other than socks , but only if the needle length is long enough . I 've got a size 9 and a size 10 coming . The yarn doesn 't take great pictures . It is actually quite metallic . The color changes make it a very interesting fabric . Don 't know if I will ever wear this thing , but there is a charity that I might give it too . Some teenaged kid just might fall in love with it . It is actually quite pretty . I 'm wondering if I am a process person rather than a project person . I do have to enjoy the process or I 'm just not interested . I have gotten out of the house quite a bit , and not just to doctor 's appointments . I 've even been to the bank and I 've paid my County taxes . I went to Big Lots yesterday and just enjoyed being there even though it made me very tired . But mostly , I 've been dealing with pain , and with walking , and just getting the tasks of daily life done . Today I had to wash my sheets and remake my bed . Doing that is a kind of success story . It was almost as hard as I thought it might be , but not quite and it got done . I 'll need to get my recycling and my trash cans out to the curb tonight . They collect the trash in the middle of the night . The recycling can get collected as early as 5 : 30 am , or as late as noon , so it also needs to go out before I go to bed . I have one envelope to mail , and mail to pick up . Some of the time I can walk there . Some of the time I need to drive to get to the mailbox . And today , I 've added the task of going to the supermarket for a few things and picking up gas while I 'm out . Maybe I 'll go out to eat too . I think I 'd like that . I have been staring at the Class Quilt at my sewing machine since March . That was when the second round of being sick started this winter . I had done everything that needed to be done to put the binding on the quilt , except actually do the machine sewing on the binding . And then I just didn 't have the energy to sit at the machine . Part of me was afraid I 'd never get there . Last week I had some work done in the house . One of the things I did was to put up the curtain rod that will hold the class quilt . I had the bar put up so I could put other quilts on it as other quilts got made . I 've been looking at that empty bar for almost a week now . Yesterday I was free all morning . And I sat down at the machine . Literally 30 seconds after I started sewing I realized how happy I was to be there . It took four sessions to finish putting the binding on . The first two were pretty easy . The third was one of those disasters that just happen when it has been a long time since one has done something . Sewing the two ends of the binding strips together became a major disaster . I ripped out the first attempt because everything was twisted . I had to rip out the second attempt too because something got sewn into the seam that should not have been there , but the third attempt , on the fourth session went like a dream . The machine part of the rod pocket is in place on the back and the machine part of the binding is in place on the front . Now it is all hand sewing while I watch TV over the next couple of days . I 'm feeling rather random today . I 'm doing laundry this morning . I 'm not dressed and it is almost 10 am . I 'm resting in between bouts of doing the stuff I need to do , so dressing is waiting . Spring has sprung in East Central PA . The Lehigh Valley is full of flowers and plants . The trees are blooming . My crab apple has bloomed for the first time in 9 years . It always has some blooms , but this time , the entire tree is blooming . Maybe the hard winter has something to do with that . As usual I have a wonderful front garden . My daughter has added stuff every year for the last 4 or 5 , most recently some perennials she found at a local garage sale . Spring has always been great in the front of the house ( the only place where I plant because my community takes care of the rest ) , Summer , not so much . But either this year or next year that is going to change . We 've been working on it for the last two years and I think we just might be done . And that is the real bummer . I started walking , bit by bit , with my walker in January . In February I got sick . I got so weak I ended up using a cane full time , even in the house . The walker let me walk further outside than I could without it , but most of the time I was able to just walk . Using a cane all the time just makes me so tired . And so tired means I don 't get to enjoy the Spring as much as I expected to . All very frustrating . Once I finished the sock I decided I wanted to do some really easy projects . I had gotten two balls of the kinds of yarn that makes ruffle scarves . One from Walmart , and one , for just $ 1 at Big Lots . I went online to see how to knit them , and noticed that there were also crochet videos . It was pretty obvious that crochet would have been a whole lot easier for someone who knits continental . I started with the Big Lots ball . I have no idea who 's yarn this was in the beginning but it made up into a very pretty scarf . It is long enough to make a simple knot but not long enough to double . I used the same crochet system to make the second ball . It is a name brand , Red Heart Sashay . It made up thicker and longer than the $ 1 ball . Equally pretty but in a different way . Both of these projects were extremely quick . The problem is that once you start you can 't put the project down . I needed to back off after about 3 or 4 inches because I hadn 't gotten the stitch onto my needle correctly . And the entire thing ripped out . So once you start , you need to continue for about an hour . I got the pattern online . basically you start at one of the points of the triangle , and knit until you almost run out of yarn and then do a special bind off . I didn 't realize that I couldn 't see both points in the picture . The person who came up with the pattern probably didn 't care that the points didn 't match . She was designing for other reasons . But I will care . Again , this is a $ 1 ball of yarn from Big Lots . Don 't have a clue what brand it originally was . It is fun to knit and I like the openness of the stitch pattern . But I am going to care about the points , so I 'm going to put these stitches on some waste yarn , and I 'm going to start something else with one of the other 5 balls of this stuff that I have . It is obvious after having knitting as much as I have that there is a lot of yardage in the ball . I 'm working on rebuilding my life . It has been more than a year since my husband died . Since then I have been working on my own health issues , and have reached a point where I can revisit my many interests . Right now I 'm working on mixed media art journaling . Learning new skills . And having a good time playing .
|
January 16 , 2017 by themoogie First off , yes I know it 's a little late in the month for this post , but persistence and such . I am trying to take my word of the year to heart and power through some of the posts I had planned to complete before the kiddos got sick . Just bear with me here . Now although I am a very avid list maker and planner lover - extaordinaire , I have never been a really big fan of New Year 's Resolutions . I do feel like the new year is a perfect time to start anew with a clean slate and all , but I have always found something cheesy and almost unlucky about them . Almost as if just by making them you were setting yourself up for some sort of cringeworthy failure . But this year as the calendar turned on 2016 I couldn 't help myself but to think forward to 2017 and beyond . What did I want out of my life , my finances , my blog ? Where do I want to be in five years ? Ten years ? And what can I do this year to push myself towards those goals ? It was these thoughts and questions that led me toward the list below . My main goal for my personal life in 2017 is to simplify . This means less things , less commitments , less idle fillers that get me through the moment but do nothing for me in long term . In order to do this I have to find a way to find out what things in my day are the most important to complete and create a routine that makes them doable in a timely manner . This will give me time to not only get things done , but also time to spend on the things and people I find most important - my family and friends . I want to be present for my husband and my children , I want to spend time making memories that will last our lifetimes . This goal is a little more concrete . I am a very avid dreamer , but I often have a hard time with follow through . There are so many things that I want to do , but I tend to give up if it seems my project ( s ) won 't turn out as perfectly as I had imagined . I am told this is a symptom of OCD , but that is neither here nor there . For awhile now I have been really thinking and looking deep inside of myself to find out that age old question of what do I want to be when I grow up . This might have better suited me before I got the college degree I now hold ( and have never used professionally ) but alas , it is what it is . As I thought , prayed , and reflected during this time I was able to lay out dreams that involved goals for both the near future as well as where I 'd like to be later on down the road . It was very freeing actually , to have a clear ( er ) path I want to follow . For example in the future , when are completely debt free , I 'd like to invest in real estate . But not just any real estate : I want to buy old houses , restore them to their glory , and both sell them and rent them out . But that is years down the road . This goal is a little trickier than the others , but it is one of the ones closest to my heart . This year I really want to focus on the need for cannabis to legalized . I want to help give the chance that Austen has to others , not just kids with epilepsy , but everyone who could benefit from this plant . I 'm not sure how exactly I will go about this , but I am praying and thinking , and I know it will come to me eventually . After several days of thought I have finally come up with my word of the year , persist . You might find this odd , and counter productive . I thought so too for awhile because I feel that the last couple of years I have had no choice but to persist through the hard times that were thrown at us . This year I will continue to persist , but this year I have decided to do so intentionally . And my need of persistence started almost as soon as I came up with the word . Filming this video yesterday took me over three times as long as I had planned for it to . There is a lot of crying in the video , there was a lot more when I kept pausing the camera . There is a lot of repetitiveness and a lot of blinking towards the end ( not sure what was up with that ) . But I did it , I powered through , and I even edited it last night while cuddling a screaming Atlas to get him to go to bed . I do not know you , and I can 't even really say that I know how you feel , but I know how I felt last May when we received our daughters diagnosis . I thought why us ? Why me ? Why her ? I wanted to cry and crawl into a tunnel and disappear in my despair . In reality I cried on and off for several days , ignored a lot of phone calls , made a few others , and watched my babies every single move . Was that the healthiest way to cope ? Probably not , but it got me through . And as time went by I learned to pick myself up and as time went on the reality of dealing with the disease eventually became second nature . Do I still hate Dravet ? Hell yes . But I have learned some important realities of dealing with a child who has a rare disease , realities that I learned on my own but I want to pass on to you . Recently it was announced that a new study would take place across 44 hospitals in the US in regards to which of three anti - seizure medications would work best to treat a status seizure . The point of the study to is create a national protocol for emergency room doctors to follow in regards to treating these kinds of seizures . Sounds decent enough , right ? The problem was that this is a completely blind study and federal regulations allow it to be done without patient or parent approval , meaning the doctors do not have to tell you they are doing the study on your child before they do it . If that isn 't scary enough one of the three anti - epileptic drugs in the trial ( fosphenytoin ) is a complete no - go for kids with Dravet Syndrome , instead of stopping a status seizure in a child with Dravet it will actually make it worse . Thankfully they have come out with a list of hospitals that are participating in the study and IF you know about the study beforehand you can get an bracelet for your child to wear letting the doctors and emergency room staff know that you have declined the study . You might be a parent like me , who already googled and searched through the information about my child 's diagnosis before the test results came back . You have an idea what your child will face in the days , weeks , and years to come and you continue to frantically search more information each day . Or you might be the complete opposite , you chose not to look up the disease before you knew the results , you didn 't want to scare yourself with ' what ifs ' . Both options are totally okay , but remember that you can never know too much about your child 's condition . In fact , the thing with rare diseases is that you will probably end up knowing more about your child 's condition than many of the professionals that you will come in contact with . You will be the one that is up to date on new trials and therapies that could benefit your child , and you will be the one that is often informed of studies like the one above in which you are the only one who can keep your child 's best interest in mind . At this point being educated about your child 's disease is not an option , it is a must . Be your child 's advocate . Chances are that your child will see quite a few people throughout their medical journey . Doctors , therapists , specialists , etc . And it is not always easy for them to connect to you and your child because , well lets face it , they see a lot of kids every day . Some , like my daughters neurologist , will focus on kids solely with your child 's condition . But more often than not they might see thirty different kids , with thirty different issues coming in and out of their office each day . They don 't always know all the nitty gritty details , and it 's not that they don 't care , it 's that it is impossible for them to do so . But those details could make or break your child , and it is up to you to advocate . If your child is put on a new med that your doctor seems very excited about , but you see it having adverse reactions at home it is your job to be your child 's voice and talk to the doctor about a change . If you think your child would benefit from a certain type of therapy , or you a new piece of medical equipment at home speak up ! You don 't have to be rude , but you also cannot expect for the doctors to know what is going on unless you let them know . But what I love even more about social media is my ability to connect with other moms going through the same thing . Facebook is filled with pages and groups directed towards parents of children fighting similar conditions . If your child 's condition has a name , I would be willing to be that there is a group out there for it . These are awesome because these are the people who know exactly what you are going through , they can help you through the ups and downs of day to day living . From my experience it is these people who will be your biggest supporters , and will pray the hardest for you on your bad days . Which brings me to my last point … I remember the first time Austen was in the hospital , she was intubated and in the picu at Dallas Children 's . On day two or three of her stay they were taking her back to get an MRI as well as CT scan to let us know what , if any , damage had occurred from her big 35 minute seizure . So far her dad and I had only left the room to eat or take a quick shower , but never left the hospital itself . In fact , when we did leave the room it was for as short amount of time as we could stand because we did not want to leave her alone . On this day the nurse came in and told us that they would have Austen out of the room for several hours . We could stay in the room she said , but she really encouraged us to leave . To get out and go to lunch , to take a walk , to breath . We went to Denny 's and then to Target to get Austen a toy . In the Target checkout line I broke down bawling and the poor cashier had no idea what to do with me . It was then that all the trauma , all the stress came crashing down on me . You matter too . You matter too . One more time for the people in the back YOU MATTER TOO . As a parent in general it is very easy to wrap ourselves into our kids lives until we eventually lose who we are without them , this happens sevenfold when our children have special needs . But you must take care of yourself , if for no other reason than if you lose your sanity who else does your child have ? So talk to a therapist , join a support group , take that respite care that the hospital is offering you . Get a pedicure , take a nap , heck even go grocery shopping by yourself . Do whatever it takes to keep you as 100 % as possible , because you absolutely cannot make it unless you take care of you too . Dear parent , I know right now you are scared , and I do not know if that will ever go away . I know that the road ahead of you is probably a hard one , and definitely a tiring one . But I also know you are not alone , you have joined a club that no one ever wants to join , but whose members are some of the greatest and most inspiring people in this world . I want you to know you are in my prayers now , and will continue to be in them until I draw my last breath . You are not alone , nor will you ever be . Atlas is a very energetic little boy . He is always on the go , building things , taking things apart , and just generally making a mess . Sometimes I find myself wishing he had an off button , or even a pause button . It often seems like nothing could ever slow him down . And then he gets sick . And through all of the coughs , sneezes , and naps I find myself missing my energetic little boy . At first he always tries to deny the existence of the bug . " I 'm not sick , mama . " he will say through watery eyes while wiping his nose with his sleeve . His little eyes are already red and puffy , there 's no denying what 's coming . I know that in just a little while he will give in , and quietly whisper in my ear " Mama , I think I need a nap . " That 's how I know it 's real , that he has admitted defeat and is really , really sick . Atlas never wants to nap . Unfortunately for Atlas this sick day is also falling on the first good snow playing day of the year . I can 't count how many times he has looked longingly out the window today and asked to play for ' just a little bit ' . And now I can hear Austen coughing from the other room as well : two runny noses , two coughing babies , and lots of snuggles for mama . I know there isn 't much I can do . The soup is on the stove , our diffuser is up and running , and they have been thoroughly doused in my favorite essential oil blends from Plant Therapy 's Kid Safe line . We are watching , waiting , and have our seizure stuff out and ready to go . Hopefully we won 't have to use it though . Benjamin Franklin was right , time is what life is made of , little moments knit together into minutes , hours , days , and weeks . We complain that times moves to fast , but we rarely stop to cherish it , to appreciate it while it 's happening . It 's very selfish of us really , like a toddler who doesn 't realize how hungry he is until his mom takes away his dinner when he refuses to eat it . I 'm not going to lie , 2016 was a hard year for us , and for a large part of it I wondered if it would ever go away or if I would have to give it a good sucker punch in order to escape into 2017 . Over the year we dealt with around 30 seizures , three hospital stays , over five different specialists , two layoffs , a move to a different state , and then another move because our apartment was not up to par ( it flooded every time it rained , which is pretty often in Colorado summers ) . Our family has been under a lot of stress , and for a large part of the year my marriage was very strained . Out of 366 days in 2016 I probably spent 360 of them waiting for it to be over . Last week Austen was having one of crying days were she cries , screams , and nurses all day and does not want to do anything but touch me . I was touched out , stressed , and ready to cry myself . But then , in the midst of all of that chaos , something happened . Austen stopped crying , she looked at me , smiled , and gave me a big hug . It was then , in that tiny little moment , that it was all put into perspective for me , and I realized all I had missed out on in the past year . All the hugs , the kisses , the cuddles I had failed to appreciate . All of the I love you moms , and you 're my best friends that I had forgotten . Yes this year has been stressful , and there is no guarantee that 2017 won 't be either . In fact , it is almost guaranteed that it will be stressful in some way , it 's own way that we have yet to discover . Our life is not easy , but whose life is really ? We all deal with the struggles and hurdles of day to day life . I am sad because this election has brought out the absolute worst in our people . One nominee opened the floodgates of hate , showing many people 's true colors in regards to anyone who is or thinks different than them be it their race , religion , economic standing , sexual orientation , or even their gender . I have seen so much hate , so much animosity spewed over social media this past year and it has made me look at many people I love and hold dear with a new set of eyes . Does every person who voted for him see with this set of eyes , believe and condone this level of hate ? No , I do not think so . Some of the people I love the most voted for him , and I have searched in my heart to see if I can imagine them being filled with this level of darkness . I can 't . But I fear they are the minority in his followers , and the majority is what my nightmares are made of . The other half saddens me too . The ones who do not care that it is not her voice that they will be standing with , instead it will be ' big money ' ; the lobbyists , the corporations , the foreign entities that scare me shitless that will be running this country . Their money paid for her campaign , and their money would pay for the policies she would fight to put in place . And I 'm not just sad , I am angry . I am angry at both sides . There are over 300 million people in this country , and these are the two that we decided to choose between . I am mad that no matter how often it has been proven that a two party system is absolutely ridiculous and even harmful to our nation that we insist on keeping it . I am mad that because I chose to deviate away from that line of thinking I am told that my vote must have been a protest vote , and that I somehow harmed my country by doing so . Here 's the thing , I don 't vote for the people . I vote for the policies they are going to put in place . I vote for what I feel our country needs , and what I feel would be best for me and my family . Did the candidate I chose tick off all of those boxes ? No , but that candidate checked off all but one . Is the perfect candidate for me out there ? He was , but unfortunately he asked me not to vote for him and I could not in good conscience vote for who he asked me to . So here I am : scared , angry , sad . And the one thing I am doing is praying lots of prayers , for the next for years and what they will do to the future of the land that I love . We are an America founded on immigration , founded on freedom , founded by refugees : the tired , the poor , the huddled masses . And I hope we never forget it . In Austen 's case we know the cause , an SCN1A mutation known as Dravet Syndrome , the condition hits 1 in 20 , 000 people worldwide . In kids with Dravet Syndrome seizures tend to start before or around 6 months of age , they start out as tonic clonic ( grand mals ) and then the child eventually starts to develop new types of seizures in their second year of life . Dravet patients are characterized by having status seizures , a seizure lasting over five minutes , that are notoriously hard to control and resistant to anti - epileptic drugs . Most Dravet kids end of being severely cognitively delayed and many end up being somewhere on the Autism Spectrum . Dravet kids have a 16 - 20 % chance of dying before the age of 20 . As I write this I am looking at my 17 month old baby ; this baby who is completely cognitively normal . She walks , she talks , she sings , she plays , she climbs , she socializes . I am looking at this baby who earlier today was running , laughing , and getting into trouble but is now asleep and exhausted thanks to a non - convulsive status seizure she had right after her bath this evening . Thankfully THC stopped her seizure , but it is taking more and more to stop them each time . Today I almost gave up and brought out the Diazepam ( a gel form of valium ) but she thankfully stopped seizing right as I was about to administer it . My husband keeps telling me to stop being pessimistic . He is convinced that THC and cannabis are going to be a miracle for our girl . Maybe he is right , maybe it will be . I hope it is . But sometimes it 's easy for the negativity to take over . For the anger and the bitterness to bubble up and come to the surface . July 13 , 2016 by themoogie Over the last few months I have been going through an identity crisis of sorts . I have had a really hard time reconciling what I have been told I should be as a mom , a writer , a Christian , a blogger , etc . with what I really am inside . So I 've taken some time to write how I see myself , the things that are defining me right now . You might not agree , and that is okay . But this is me . This is who I am , and I am no longer ashamed to admit it . July 13 , 2016 by themoogie Traumatizing mom moments , they are like bad habits . We all have them . I 've been pooped on , peed on , and puked on , in public , by all three kids . I 've been at the center of tantrums in the middle of the Target checkout line , and I 've been stared at in restaurants while my child turned to the other table and asked to sample their ketchup ( okay , that last one didn 't really happen , but I 'm sure it 's happened to someone ) . The point is that in my seven ( almost 8 ! ) years of mommyhood , I have dealt with a lot at the hands of my little spawns . By far though , the most traumatizing mom moment that I have experience so far though was when I lost Addi . It was awful , it was traumatizing . It was something that many moms would probably not want to really put out there for the entire world to read . But I know I am not the only person it has ever happened to , and I know I won 't be the last . It was about three years ago at the Pearl Harbor Commissary . Addi and I were leaving the store and headed out to our car . Addis always , and I mean always , walked directly behind me and my big pregnant belly as we made our way to the parking lot and it 's like the one time in her life when she is ever quiet routinely , so I didn 't even think about the lack of noise as I made my way to the car . I unlocked it , and turned around to lift her into her seat like I do every . single . time . But this time she wasn 't there . Now I am sure you can imagine the panic I felt that afternoon . I promptly left all of my groceries and the buggy by my car as I waddled like a bat out of hell towards the commissary once again , yelling her name every few feet . I got a lot of looks , but not one person out of the bajillion people in the parking lot stopped to ask if everything was okay or what I was yelling about . In fact it wasn 't until I had made my way to the front of the store that someone stopped me and said the best words that have ever graced my ears " I think she is over there . " , as they pointed to a lady with two kids standing in the midst of all of the chaos . My little girl was crying and clinging to her hand , but she was there , and she was okay . It turns out that when we walked out of the store Addi had seen two kids about her age standing next to the bushes outside of the commissary and wandered over to them to see what they were looking at . Addi never thought to tell me where she was going ( or ask it if was okay ) . Within seconds she realized I wasn 't there , and thankfully remembered what I had told her to do if she ever got lost . She found another mama , who had kids with her , and told her what had happened . I don 't remember that mama 's name , but I remember the look she gave me . It wasn 't one of disdain or annoyance , instead it was one of understanding and shared sisterhood . She hugged me while I cried tears of joy , and told me she had been there , done that . She told me not to be too hard on myself , and to go home and snuggle with my baby . I will never forget that mama , and the compassion she showed to me in what was one of the worst times of my life to date . Often times I think that many of us think of motherhood as a competition . More than once the thought has crossed my own mind that at least I am not that bad , while comparing myself to another mother and her actions . But it isn 't fair , and it isn 't right . None of us are flawless in our motherhood journeys , none of us are perfect . We need to lift each other up instead of push each other down , we need to realize we are all playing on the same team here . Maybe if we were to do that , not only would we benefit from it , but our kids would to . I see you over there . Your hair pulled up , not because it is the latest fashion , or even because it is ' messy cute ' . It is based more on time and ease than how many Pinterest pins it would get . No , your hair is not inspired by magazines and movie stars , it is inspired by the messes and spills , cuddles and hugs that make up your day . It comes in the form of a bun , a pony tail , and even a braid . It 's quick , it 's easy , and you can do it without even thinking . It 's automatic and engrained , a testimony to the love and devotion you put into the day 's tasks , both menial and substantial . It 's a part of your uniform , mini vans and yoga pants optional . Hello ! My name is Meagan Cheney , mom to three , writer , dreamer , YouTuber . . . the list goes on . I love coffee , reading , budgeting , knitting , and all things Harry Potter . I hope to see you around ! FacebookTwitterInstagramPinterestEmail Want Exclusive Content ? Subscribe today to get the weekly newsletter , access to our exclusive Free Resources , and more ! Success ! Now check your email to confirm your subscription . There was an error submitting your subscription . Please try again . Email Address I 'd like to receive the free email course . Subscribe Powered by ConvertKit Search for :
|
Posted on April 17 , 2014 by Libby 2 It 's officially three minutes into our daughter 's due date and I 'm flooded with emotions and thoughts that I want to capture before I fall asleep . I actually just snuck out of bed to come write this post . The last few weeks have been a blur of surreal excitement as we 've made the final preparations for our girl . There have been so many precious moments that I want to remember and jot down before I forget them all , but tonight I felt the need to share this while my sentiments are fresh . I actually don 't know what to say or where to even begin . I just know that my heart is full of overwhelming joy . Just down the hall , my two oldest nieces are snuggled up sleeping in my guest room . Ave , my ginger - haired and freckle faced teenager is wearing my t - shirt , and my AK with the cutest button nose and rosy cheeks asked to sleep in my warmest pair of socks . I watched them a little closer today as they giggled and joked with each other . It 's a lot harder these days , but I can still imagine them as young babies . How did they get this big this fast ? I often wish that time would stand still or slow down just enough for me to remember every single detail of their smile . Seriously , they capture my heart . After I tucked them in tonight , I said a silent prayer hoping they know how much I will always love them . I 'm beginning to understand that the line drawn between being the fun Auntie that spoils them , and the responsible adult that wants what is best for them is delicate . I 'm thankful for so many years with them to " practice " being a parent . I know everything will be different with my own , but they have taught me so much . One thing that I hope I can teach them , and eventually our daughter one day , is that it 's okay if you aren 't always happy . As much as we want to protect the sweet innocent ones in our life , they learn that all things aren 't fair . We get hurt , there are difficult days , and things don 't always turn out the way that we want . In fact , there will simply be times when we will be sad . But that doesn 't mean that we can 't have joy . Tonight , I am filled with joy at the anticipation of Anderson Marie 's arrival . I want her to know as soon as she can understand how thrilled we are for her to join our family . I also want her to know that she has two amazing families that are forever joined through the miracle of adoption . Charles , Ande 's birth grandfather has told me since the first time that we met that he gets his joy from seeing our joy . He won 't let us forget that our excitement and gladness brings him comfort . The Lord is taking an unfortunate situation and creating good . He is turning our sadness into joy . My heart may burst from all the joy that I can 't contain . In these last few moments as we wait for the birth of our daughter , I 'm going to soak up the time that I have left loving on my big girls . They are helping the time pass quicker , and definitely keeping me busy ! Posted on March 17 , 2014 by Libby 4 We are thrilled to finally get to share our news with you ! It was a rare snowy day towards the end of January . I was getting together the sugar and vanilla while Brad stepped outside barefoot to get the bowls of snow he 'd collected . We had just begun to make our snow cream when my phone rang from an unknown number for the third time . I finally decided to answer it and was surprised to hear our case worker on the other end of the line . Sugar was thrown on the floor and snow quickly melted as my spoon dropped to the counter . I raced to grab a pen to try to write down everything my mind could comprehend . As our case worker spelled out the details of this situation over the speakerphone , an unknown fear crept into my body like a paralyzing injury being replayed in slow motion . All I could think was I can 't do this again . My heart had barely healed . I knew in my mind that only the Grace of God would bring this unique situation to us , and would do it so quickly after our heartbreak . Before ending our conversation with our case worker , we cautiously agreed to pursue this situation . There were about two and half weeks from when we were selected , until we actually got to meet the birth family of our daughter . Sitting around an old country table at the local Cracker Barrel , sharing brunch and exchanging stories , all of my fears were completely eased . As hard as the last seven years of trying to start a family have been , it was all leading up to this . Worth the Wait . Charles and Ann adopted Katelynn as a young teenager . She came from unfortunate circumstances , overcoming many obstacles . This is a low risk placement , though there are still no guarantees in any situation . I share her story , with the permission of her parents , because her story is becoming a part of our story . Our goal all along has been to give God the glory of this amazing journey ! There are some sensitive details that we choose to keep private , and will share with our daughter in due time . However , we know that the Lord is using Katelynn and her parents , and this pregnancy for GOOD . We are immeasurably blessed by the grace of God , and by those of you who have traveled this journey with us . We know that good things come to those who wait patiently on the Lord . In all of happiness and gain , Christ is better . In all of our sorrow and pain , Christ is enough . Our hope is now , and has been throughout this journey , that Christ be magnified . Yesterday , today , and tomorrow Christ be magnified . Unfortunately that is the most common term used to describe an adoption that has fallen through . Failed adoption . Ironically , there was absolutely nothing that I , or my husband , could have done or not done to prevent those series of events from happening . Until recently there was nothing that could shake my burden of feeling like a failure . The weeks following the phone call confirming our failed adoption placement were dark . In the sense that I wanted to be isolated and I needed to mourn . I have walked along several friends as they have faced the sorrow of miscarriages . Many times I 've heard it said that it is an anguish that you can sympathize with , but cannot fully comprehend until you survive your own . The only thing that I can liken those somber weeks to , is my own miscarriage . Having known the risks and the possible outcomes , as well as the potential emotions that I might feel , I foolishly assumed that since I was prepared for anything , I could face anything . What I did not prepare myself for was the grief . Much like during a pregnancy , we made plans and dreamed of things to come while we waited . The glorious bend in this story is that grief is just a step in the healing process . The beautiful light that broke through my darkness has been God 's unending Grace . Never once , has He left me alone in my grief . His mercies have been new every morning , despite my insufficiencies or loss of strength . Lord knew from the moment that we started our paperwork that we would face hardships and heartaches . This adoption journey has been the biggest act of faith that we have experienced yet . However , we have a great God who is working all these things together for GOOD . ( Romans 8 : 28 ) And for that reason , we continue on this journey , giving God the Glory ! Posted on January 5 , 2014 by Libby 3 For the sake of documenting our story , I want to remember the little blessings that the Lord has used to give us comfort and hope . The holidays , for obvious reasons , were the most difficult for us to face . We had so many hopes and dreams planned for that season . There were " My First Thanksgiving " bibs , and matching Christmas cousin pajamas . There were plans for pictures that we never got to take , and we were really looking forward to playing Santa . Instead , it was a season of mourning what we were hoping for , and trying to let go of something that we felt like we lost . The sweetest Christmas gift was having my twin brother fly in from S . Korea to surprise the entire family ! It was such a joy to finally get to spend a Christmas with him . It 's been too many years in a row that he 's been deployed during the holiday season ! Having him and his precious wife around was like glorious comfort food for my weary soul ! Whenever we are able to get everyone together we usually refer to the gathering as " Better than Christmas … " Well this was the Christmas to beat all Christmases . My tiniest gift of grace this year we lovingly call our Tiny or Amelia Jane . She is my sister 's fourth daughter . She is our miracle baby , ( you can read more about her story here ) , but she is my little reminder that joy can come from pain . Amelia was born in September , right in between when we found out we 'd be selected by a birth mother , and when the baby was due to be born . Her timing ( and testimony ) are nothing short of Providence . I found out that my sister was going to be adopting a baby before we got ours , I was a little disheartened at first . That sadness quickly faded to excitement when I realized that our babies would be so close in age , and would forever be best friends . We even got several matching outfits for them to wear together . Despite the outcome of our adoption placement , the Lord knew exactly what our family needed , and He especially knew how to protect my heart . I know my sinful nature well , and had Amelia joined our family any earlier or any later , there might have been a little bit of bitterness in my heart . Not that I would love her any less regardless of when she came into our lives , but I 've been down this road before with my sister 's third daughter . We found out that Atalie was joining our family just a few months after we had our miscarriage in 2009 . In my solitary moments with God , I did not handle that news with grace . I was angry at God , and selfishly bitter because I was ready to be a mother . Atalie burst into our lives and has left us all speechless with the joy that she brings . Amelia Jane has done nothing short of that as well . The Lord knew exactly when to place that Tiny miracle in our lives so that we could fall madly in love with her . He used her severely deformed body show us His Grace and Mercy . All I have to do is look at those sweet chubby cheeks and I 'm reminded that His plans are not my own , and how desperately I need a Savior . Those two reminders sitting in my husband 's lap are evidence of how far He has brought me in this journey . Despite my selfish tendencies , inconsiderate thoughts , and shameful anger the Lord has brought joy from my pain . He has given me comfort and hope . This past Christmas season was hard to face , but was surprisingly redeemed with beautiful gifts of Grace . Posted on December 3 , 2013 by Libby 7 It is finally over . Bringing home this baby boy simply wasn 't meant to be . I am devastated , heart broken , and completely disappointed ; however I feel held . I am comforted by your prayers , my faith , and the Hope that I have in Christ . There were 17 days between the two phone calls from our case worker . The first one being the call on November 5th from our case worker preparing us for the possibility that the birth mother that we 'd been matched with was having doubts about placing her child for adoption . We were struck with the reality of our worst fears and consumed by sadness . Those two and a half weeks were the most agonizing wait and test of patience that I have ever faced . I cried for days . I cried until I made myself sick . I lost my voice and was sick to my stomach . I made a pallet on floor of the nursery and took turns reading my bible , praying and crying myself to sleep . I couldn 't eat , and I didn 't think I would survive the pain that I thought was going to swallow me whole . When I got the second phone call , I didn 't crumble like I expected . I don 't really think I cried , at least not immediately . With a combination of grace and sympathy in her voice , our case worker told us that the baby had been born . He was twelve days old and he had been with his mother this entire time . Even though she 'd had him , brought him home from the hospital , and was taking care of him ; she was still unsure of her decision . She had been avoiding contact with the adoption agency and was given a deadline of December 1st to make a commitment . It wasn 't the outcome that we had hoped and prayed for , but we at least have an answer . So now , this door is closed . Literally and Figuratively . We 've packed up all things baby and put them in the nursery and closed the door . It hurts too much to walk by and smell the freshly washed clothes or peek into the waiting crib . The hallway seems a little more narrow without the open door . Right now we are just sad and grieving . I hope to write more in the near future to share my feelings and what our next steps are in this process . Your prayers are still greatly needed , especially as we walk into this Christmas season . Thank you for your encouragement and reminders of hope . Posted on November 7 , 2013 by Libby 12 My eyes are just about as heavy as my heart . It 's been weeks since I 've had a peaceful night 's sleep ; after the sun goes down is when my mind is most prone to wander . The last 48 hours have been the worst yet . Honestly , I 'm having a difficult time trying to find the words to say and I know its not from the lack of sleep or the haze of confusion that follows it . A few weeks ago we joyfully shared with the world that we had been chosen by a birth mother and that our long road to become parents was nearing an end . We also threw in a tiny disclaimer that even though things could change at a moment 's notice , we were choosing to tell our story in hopes that God gets all the GLORY . It appears that our fears are coming true , and that the " changes " we had hoped would not occur are becoming a reality . We have known from the moment that we were approved by our agency that this scenario is a very likely possibility . The birth mother is having doubts about her decision to place for adoption and is considering parenting . I got the phone call from my case worker on Tuesday . I had spoken to " E " , the birth mother on Monday and we talked about our plans to meet at the hospital on Friday . Tomorrow , November 8th is her induction date . We 've known since last Friday that this child would be making a scheduled appearance . We 've been preparing for years to meet him . Forgive me as I try to choose my following words carefully . I want to chronicle this journey accurately , yet I want to be as transparent with you as possible . I am completely heartbroken and terrified . There is a physical pain in my chest that feels as if it might swallow me whole . Tomorrow , a new life will be brought into this world . It is something that should be celebrated . This baby was created in the image of GOD . I can allow myself to grieve for what may not come to be , but I will still have HOPE . Like I said before , this is still far from over . The birth mother can still change her mind again as quickly as she did on Tuesday . Because she has asked for space , we will not be going to Charlotte to be at the hospital with her like we originally planned . We will continue to pray for this young mother who has three more daughters at home . We will pray that if she choses to parent , whatever initially led her to the decision of adoption has been resolved so that she can bring this baby into a loving and stable home . If not , we pray that she makes a selfless decision for what is best for this child . It is nearly impossible for me to pray that this woman make a decision that I could not do myself . I can 't begin to describe the internal conflict I feel as I pray selfishly for the child that I have desired for years . So I beg for your prayers now . Pray for strength for everyone involved . Pray for this baby , the innocent party , that is relying on adults to make decisions that are in his best interest . Pray for the birth mother that she will come to know Christ as her Savior . Pray that no matter what happens , God is glorified ! " Truly I tell you , if you have faith as small as a mustard seed , you can say to this mountain , ' Move from here to there , ' and it will move . Nothing will be impossible for you . " Matthew 17 : 20 Posted on October 14 , 2013 by Libby 5 We are nearing the end of our very long wait of growing our family through adoption . We are in the final stretch of bringing our son home , but there is still so much that needs to be done . Namely , raising the final funds needed to pay the adoption costs . I don 't like talking about the money side of things , but a typical Domestic Infant Adoption ranges from approximately $ 20 , 000 to $ 40 , 000 . We have done numerous fundraisers , and have been showered graciously by generous family and friends . However , we are still only about halfway to raising our final amount which will be close to $ 29 , 000 . We are calling this puzzle fundraiser The Final Piece because we are so close to the end of this long journey ! The details are listed below . If you have any questions please feel free to email me , speak to us in person , or leave a comment . In order to raise the necessary funds for our adoption , we are starting a Puzzle Fundraiser . Those who choose to donate to our Baby Broccoli Adoption Fund will purchase a puzzle piece ( s ) . When all of the puzzle pieces have been purchased , we will assemble the puzzle and then have the name of the person and / or family donating written on the back . My sister , sister - in - law , and three nieces were visiting for a few days . We 'd had a lazy morning and were starting to get ready for our day . As I went upstairs to get my shower , I noticed that I had a missed call & voicemail from an unknown number . I started to get undressed as I listened to the message , not realizing I would spend the next hour pant - less from all of the excitement . { Now , I 'm sure you are starting to understand what my excitement was all about , but before I go any further I need to say something . We are choosing to share this information because we want to give God the glory . Simply put , we want Him to be praised no matter what has happened or will happen during this journey . Some may think sharing this news is premature since there are no guarantees in this unpredictable thing called Life . We 've never hidden from sharing the bad with the good , and we want you to share in our excitement , despite the outcome . } As soon as I called my case worker back , she asked me to grab a pen & paper so that I could write down as many details as my mind could comprehend . I had an out of body experience as I wrote , trying to understand what she was saying and mainly focusing on not passing out . She described in explicit detail the circumstances surrounding the woman who wanted to choose us to raise her child . In everything that I tried to imagine about what that day would look like , I could have never dreamed that I would be surrounded by family . The Lord , in His ultimate wisdom knew exactly what I needed in that moment . I 'm so thankful that His plans are better than my dreams ! I posted this picture on Instagram a year ago . My caption had something to do with a midnight snack in the nursery . I couldn 't sleep and I was using that time to pray . It 's amazing the difference that a year makes . Fifty - two weeks later , and when I can 't sleep I go pray in another nursery . We 've since bought our own house . Those Animal Fun Alphabet flash cards line the wall above the changing table . That little monkey sits on a different bookshelf , and that card holder is overflowing with many more notes of encouragement . And that ice cream … I can 't eat it because it hurts my tummy . When this picture was taken , we were not quite into our fourth month of waiting on Baby B to come home . I was convinced I wouldn 't have to wait longer than six months at most . I had no idea how many more sleepless nights I would stay awake praying , pleading with the Lord to hear my cries . I reluctantly admit that I wish I had chronicled more of those sleepless nights and all of the emotions that this last year and some odd months have brought . I know that one day I will want to look back at this long wait and remember the tiny details , but part of me knows that it can be summed up with this one picture . Waiting and Praying . I rise before dawn and cry for help ; I have put my hope in your word . My eyes stay open through the watches of the night that I may meditate on your promises . Hear my voice in accordance with your love ; preserve my life , O LORD , according to your laws . My comfort in my suffering is this : Your promise preserves my life . Psalm 119 : 147 - 150 Posted on August 10 , 2013 by Libby Reply We didn 't think that we would be able to take a vacation this past summer because every penny is being saved for the adoption . However , we took a risk and tallied all of our frequent flyer miles and credit card points and chose to escape to a place we 'd never been before . I 've always wanted to see New England , and Brad just needed to get out of the office for week . These are some of my favorite pictures from the trip . There 's also a story at the end about my favorite souvenir that we brought home . The title of the book caught my eye , because we 'd had several conversations on our trip about waiting for our baby . The night that we were in this quaint little shop was the eve of May 30 - exactly one year since we had been officially waiting to be matched with a birthmother . As I started to read the book , my sighs turned into tears . I could barely finish reading the book because I started the ugly cry . My sweet husband , who always knows how to make me feel better , gently put his arm around my shoulder and purchased the book as a souvenir for our nursery . When we got back to our room that night , we each wrote these letters to our Baby Broccoli . Our trip was such a blessing . A much needed time to get away to celebrate , pray , and hope . We came home refreshed and renewed in each other and in Spirit ! The Cape might not be a place that we ever go again , but it was a welcome surprise to our summer ! Posted on January 25 , 2013 by Libby 1 We were incredibly blessed to be connected with Megan a few months back . She contacted us because she was interested in doing a fundraiser to help us with our adoption ! How awesome is God , and how amazing is she to have such a burden for orphans ? Along with Megan 's giving spirit , she also has amazing creative talents . During the holidays she made adorable ornaments to raise money . Brad and I were finally able to meet her and her husband in person this week over dinner to say THANK YOU for all of their generosity . If our guys didn 't have to get up so early , we could have stayed there all night and talked ! Ornaments for Adoption ended back in December , but I thought I would post my message to her blog readers over here too . Thanks again Megan for everything ! I can 't begin this post without first thanking Megan for her thoughtfulness , kindness , and generosity . Her burden to help others goes beyond a typical calling , and has been a blessing to our growing family . Her servant spirit has touched the lives of people she may never meet on this side of heaven . It does not seem sufficient to say that we are indebted to her for her precious charity . In actuality , Megan and I have never met . We were strangers just a few months ago , but have been brought together through the common bond of adoption . Megan and I each have our own unique stories , but the beautiful thing about these stories is that they are wrapped and intertwined in the Gospel . When we , any of us who have been transformed by Christ , tell our stories , we are telling the story of who God is . The story that God has written in my life is not the one that I would have imagined , nor is it the one that I tried to plan for myself . Though its a beautiful story , it is one that has been laced with heartache . Despite the difficulties that we 've faced through infertility , miscarriage , medical mysteries , and the weary waiting on our baby through adoption , there is at least one thing I 've learned about heartache . It is good . Good in the way that failure is good , and change is good , and tribulation is good . I 've learned the hard way that heartache can come in the form of one of God 's greatest gifts . It can be a useful tool . Just like failure will teach us what not to do the next time , and change can be gut - wrenchingly scary but bring new joy , and tribulations make us stronger ; heartache can push us to the edge of our faith . It can devour us , pull us , berate us , and then remake us . When we are finally standing on the other side of heartache , we can see how far we 've come from the person that we use to be , to the person that we are now . Obviously , none of us can skip to the end and sneak a peek of our story , or even get a glimpse of the end of this chapter for that matter ; however I can humbly say I 've learned to embrace this thing called heartache . I can come before you now and say that the heartache of losing our first baby has made me stronger . The heartache of anxiously waiting for our next child has tested my faith and strengthened it as well . When our heart aches , God aches with us , so it is not something we should run from . We have been given a promise that we will never be left alone . { Deuteronomy 31 : 6 } Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being a part of our story . Through Ornaments for Adoption , you will always be a part of this glorious journey . I can 't wait for the day that I get to put Christmas ornaments on the tree with a little chubby toddler in footed pajamas , and get to tell them of our story . The story of how so many strangers and friends alike came together to help bring our baby home . Merry Christmas and God bless you all for your kindness , support , donations , and prayers . Posted in adoption | Tagged guest blogging , Ornaments for Adoption | 1 Reply I 'm usually terrible with dates . I can 't ever remember my best friends ' birthdays . I actually do well to remember the month . Thank you Facebook for helping me not look like a jerk . However , I do remember The Date . It only took my husband an entire month to convince me we were ready . Yes , he had to convince me . May 27 , 2007 was our first Anniversary , so do the math : one month of convincing + one last day on the pill and we arrive at June 28th . We had 13 glorious months of marital bliss before this day . And then it happened . We were ready to start a family . We were also innocently ignorant to the ways of the world and how things don 't immediately turn out the way that you imagine them in your storybook fairy - tale . Looking back , I can 't recall encountering anyone in my life who was experiencing infertility . Even though I 'd heard of women who had endured a miscarriage , the dourness of such circumstances didn 't register with me until it was something I had experienced on my own . After more than a year of shattered dreams , countless doctors visits , and four miserable ( & failed ) rounds of fertility drugs we felt defeated . We needed a break to physically and emotionally recoup . Surprisingly , a few months later , we were stunned to find out that our time of rest was beneficial . The day that I found out I was going to be a mother brought a precious joy that very few other events in my life have produced . Twelve days later that joy turned to gut - wrenching heartache . The circumstances surrounding our miscarriage are complex . I actually experienced an ectopic pregnancy , and was miraculously much further along in my pregnancy than I had originally thought . The following months brought excruciating complications that are sporadically detailed in my first blog , Keeping In Step . Despite my brief pregnancy , I am a mother ; even though my emotions and empty arms would beg to differ on most days . After my body had healed physically and my emotions had become more stable , my response to well - meaning strangers when they asked if I had any children was usually the same . " Not yet . " It was the simple answer , but a response that always brought up raw sentiments . It 's been three and a half years since we had to say good - bye to our first baby . There are still so many unanswered questions regarding our infertility issues . Thankfully , these days I have a new response to those curious inquiries from strangers . It is still easier not to mention our baby in Heaven during casual conversations , but we will proudly tell anyone who will listen that we are expecting our next baby through adoption . My journey to motherhood has been a difficult road . Throughout this adventure , I have experienced a variety of emotions and there have been the most difficult of days . Mostly , I am thankful . For the privilege of being chosen to be the mother of our precious baby in heaven , and especially for being blessed by the merciful grace of my Saviour .
|
November 16 . I completed my half marathon in honor of Mitchell . The best part was going by to see him after it was over . He was in the hospital and his pain from surgery ( a transplanted kidney was removed because it was failing ) was starting to get better . I gave Mitchell my race medal and hoped that he knew how inspiring his strength and courage is to me and everyone who knows him / his story . He was released from the hospital on November 22nd . Things were looking up ~ maybe he 'd even be home for Thanksgiving , his favorite holiday , but that reality was short - lived . He was re - admitted on November 24th and had emergency surgery due to multiple complications from the kidney being removed . On December 4th , Mitchell went back to the hospital by ambulance . He was admitted into the ICU . His high blood pressure took a major toll on his body , and when we say major , we mean MAJOR . His family is keeping these details private , but it 's safe to say they were praying he 'd make it through the unexpected trauma to his body and survive . On December 5th , he woke up after 2 full days of being " asleep " , basically in a medicated state . I visited him in the ICU on that day and within an hour of arriving , he woke up . It was absolutely awesome to see him open his eyes . His sister , adorable baby nephew & Mom were by his side too . Within minutes of waking up , he asked for blue raspberry popsicles and took down one after another after another . His Mom was worried that he might get sick from consuming so many in such a short time frame , but that didn 't stop Mitchell or his pursuit for a blue tongue . As I sit here tonight and think about the last month , I am extremely thankful for the support , love and prayers from family , friends and people that we have never met , but still keep us in their prayers . We still need lots of prayers and I know that we will get them ! Today has been quite a day . We had some problems with Mitchell 's fistula this morning . He has lost so much weight and it is hard to get , needles in the right place . We got too much air in the lines first thing this morning and could not even rinse his blood back … scary ! ! ! We set the machine back up and tried it again . ( Had to stick him again ) All went well until the last hour when Mitchell shifted in his chair and moved his arm too much and we got air again . This time we were able to end his treatment early and rinse his blood back . We will get it done right tomorrow ! Prayers Please . As we were getting off the machine , Mike came upstairs to tell us that a large Weeping Willow Tree in our backyard fell , took out our fence and landed on neighbors back porch . Hope to get that cleaned up and fixed soon ( somehow ) . After all of this today , I sit here and am very grateful to have Mitchell home tonight . I honestly was not too sure last week that would happen . Tonight as we got ready to go to bed He hugged me and I know that he was thinking the same thing too . Friends , hug your children and tell them that you love them often ! Never take anything for granted , I don 't ! My children and grandchildren are my life and I know that I am blessed ! ! I know that the good Lord is at my side at all times , sometimes not the way that I would like , but still always near . On December 12th , his blood pressure was spiking , causing extreme concern that he 'd have to go back to the hospital . That day , and pretty much every day since then , his blood pressure has been a big headache . It 's so important for the BP to stay under control because it can cause so many complications . On December 17th , he went to the hospital for an appointment due to his dialysis fistula having trouble . He has lost so much weight recently , that the fistula isn 't working properly . The goal was to try and correct this problem . December 28th , Mitchell was short of breath , coughing and not feeling well . His Mom took him to the ER and he was ultimately admitted into the ICU . It turns out there is blood in his lungs ( the cause is unknown at this time ) . The medical team decided to put him on a ventilator in order to let his body rest and get the oxygen he needs . Today . December 29 . This morning he spiked a fever and also has high potassium levels ( likely from not having dialysis ) . His Mom , as always , has not left his side . Here is Mitchell today , wearing his bracelet . When he was wearing it a few weeks ago in the hospital , he was really scared that the hospital would cut it off while in the ER . Thankfully it 's still holding strong . Just like Mitchell . Holding strong , always . This guy has been fighting for his life since the age of 8 . Today he is 20 - years - old and still never gives up . His resilience and faith has stood the test of time . Time that should have been spent being an innocent child , time that should currently be spent attending college , dating , getting into trouble , and experiencing all that life has to offer . But instead , him and his family focus on one thing and one thing only - a miracle . Mitchell has been suffering quite a bit lately . We 'll spare you the details , but it isn 't pretty . It turns out the most recent transplanted kidney is the cause of these issues , so his medical team decided to remove it immediately . The surgery went well with the exception of blood pressure concerns . His BP is being managed now by medicine drips and hopefully that will be under control soon . As expected , he 's also in quite a bit of pain post - op . On a positive note , money we raised from SAVE MITCHELL t - shirts went to an amazing cause . Previously Mitchell had been receiving dialysis 6 hours a day on an extraordinarily uncomfortable chair . It caused him neck and back pain to the point he was stuffed with pillows all over . Last week though , he picked out a brand new La - Z Boy recliner chair , complete with a remote control . How cool is that ? ! The head and lumbar adjusts so he is no longer in physical pain while receiving dialysis treatments . The timing of this surgery is bitter sweet because tomorrow I 'm running a half marathon in honor of Mitchell , along with another non - profit called Tiny Sparrow Foundation . Just last night I dropped by a check for $ 500 to Mitchell & his parents , thanks to generous supporters of friends and family making donations . You 'd never he was about to have major surgery in less than 12 hours . But then again , he was surrounded by super sweet dogs . His folks invited me to stop by and I was so happy to see them after what felt like a lifetime . About once a week I check in via phone with Mitchell 's mom , my direct line to keeping tabs on our resilient fighter . It was the perfect opportunity to present them with a check of the money we raised from Save Mitchell t - shirts + some individual donations . He had a fistula implanted a few months ago . I thought it was some type of contraption that was inserted into his arm , but I learned that I was wrong . A fistula isn 't an object , it 's a procedure . In short , his veins are configured to receive dialysis ( input and output ) . A passage is made between vessels . He has several little holes in his arm ( covered by bandages in this photo ) that have to be pierced / reopened every time he receives dialysis treatments . His mom encouraged me to put my fingers over where the fistula was created ( near his wrist ) and I literally gasped outloud . It feels like something electrical is inside of him , buzzing . But it is actually just the blood in his veins going super fast . This " technology " allowed him to get rid of his central line ( which can lead to infections and also cannot get wet ) . If he wanted to , Mitchell could even go in a swimming pool . Unfortunately it was too late in the summer season for him to enjoy that favorite pastime by the time everything healed ; it needed 8 + weeks to heal before it could be used . Slowly but surely , Mitchell and his Mom are getting the hang of it . As always , he is being a trooper in the process . At the present time , there are no talks of another transplant . Right now the focus is on keeping his health as steady as possible . No ER visits , no radical drops or highs in critical medical vitals , no infections . Right now the focus is to get his dialysis treatments down pat , so they can stop making 30 + mile trips to the dialysis clinic on a daily basis and simply do the life - saving process at home . The entire process lasts about 7 - 8 hours from the time they leave the house in the morning , to the time they finish dialysis and head home . It 's July 31 , 2013 and I can 't believe that is has been almost one year since I donated my kidney to a stranger so that Mitchell could receive a new lease on life . Everything is still so fresh in my mind , from the physical screenings to the prep before heading into the OR . I know when I first told family and friends about my decision to be a living donor I was met with disbelief . Many people didn 't understand why I would want to give an organ away to someone who wasn 't family . There were plenty of questions that started with " what if . . " or " what are you thinking ? " It wasn 't easy to explain to people my motivation or my feelings about what I was doing . It wasn 't something that was easily put into words . It was something that I felt . I had done my research , I had discussed the risks with the doctors and I had made my mind up about what I was meant to do . I frequently get asked how my recipient is doing and how Mitchell is doing . Well as for my recipient , I haven 't heard much about her since my 6 month follow up . I don 't know if she knows my name or if she 's even interested in knowing who she got a kidney from . It doesn 't really matter to me as long as my kidney is happy in its new home and functioning well enough to give her an improved quality of life . Would it be nice to meet her ? Of course . The logistics on when a recipient can contact their donor and how are somewhat lost on me . I didn 't get a great rundown on how that works exactly . I 'm sure most of you have been following the blog and the facebook page , so I 'll spare you the details of how Mitchell did after the surgery . For a while there he was looking great ! I was really happy that his quality of life had improved and it seemed that this kidney was doing well in its new home . A few bumps in the road popped up , but I remained optimistic that these were just little hiccups on the road to success . But as we all know now , it wasn 't meant to be . I felt sadness and despair as I got phone call after phone call from Robin , Mitchell 's mom , with bad news . My heart ached for Mitchell , he had already been through so much in his young life and it just wasn 't fair that this was happening to him ( and his family ) again ! I was disappointed that this new kidney had not taken as we had all hoped and prayed for . The silver lining ( in my mind at least ) : he had a few months after surgery to enjoy his new kidney and to do things he hadn 't been able to do for some time . I wish it had turned out differently for Mitchell and his family . I had hoped that the 3rd time would be a charm , but maybe there is some greater purpose behind all of it . As for me , I 'm doing well . I really have no complaints a year later . I 've seen no negative effects on my health as a result of the surgery and if you didn 't know me you 'd have no idea I only have one kidney . I 'll have an annual physical to check my kidney function , but other than that no specials medications or precautions . The team at VCUHS was fantastic . My pain after surgery was minimal and a week later I was up walking around and meeting friends for lunch . " Would you do it again ? " Without hesitation , yes . Choosing to donate my kidney was one of the best decisions I have made so far in my life . I have a great appreciation for how blessed I am to be healthy and able to give to those who are not as fortunate . I know that many people that read this blog and keep up with Mitchell 's story think to themselves : " I would never do that ! " or " I couldn 't do it . " Is living donation for everyone ? No . Are there plenty of people out there capable of being a living donor and just think " no way ! " , probably so . I know that most people aren 't willing to give up something so precious for a stranger , but I pose this question : " Why not ? " . I think if we approached life with a " why not ? " attitude , we might just be a little better off . I 'm glad I did what I did . It has made me a better person and I 'm thankful that I was able to do it . There are plenty of people out there that think it was weird or crazy to do what I did . Here 's what I have to say to that : " What have you done to better someone 's life ? " Do I expect everyone to go sign up to be a living donor , of course not ! But if I can reach out and positively influence the thinking of just one person then I know I have made a difference . " I am only one , but I am one . I cannot do everything , but I can do something . And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do . " ~ Edward Everett Hale Today is Mitchell 's birthday . He 's been alive for 20 meaningful years . He 's been fighting for his life for the last 12 of those years . The winter wasn 't easy . Since the New Year , the road to a new life with a new kidney took a major detour . Mitchell 's 3rd transplanted organ that he received in August 2012 was put in jeopardy due to a variety of medical setbacks . He was admitted to the hospital for over two weeks in January , and during that time period , contracted the CMV virus which can be fatal . To nurse him back to health , the kidney was compromised because anti - rejection medications were lowered in order to treat the CMV virus . Because of everything he 's been through over the years , his immune system isn 't strong so is susceptible to getting sick pretty easily . Dialysis is a double - edge sword for people who are in end stage renal failure . It 's significantly lowers the quality of life as we know it . People spend hours & hours hooked up to machines going through the monotonous routine , then the next day they recover and by the time they start to feel a bit better , they go through the process all over again . Some people receive treatments every single day , which will be Mitchell 's future beginning in the next few months once a permanent Fistula is implanted in his arm . On the other hand , dialysis is literally keeping him with us and that is arguably the most beautiful gift we could ever ask for . Life . He wants to keep living . Everyone who knows Mitchell wants him to keep living . People who don 't personally know Mitchell want him to keep living . He has touched people through his resiliency , courage and quiet strength . It is safe to say that anyone who crosses his path could learn something and be inspired to keep fighting whatever battle faces them . Today , we celebrate him . The person who chooses every single day to open his eyes . To get dressed . To go through the motions of taking dozens of medical pills , fighting through physical pain , and believing that someday , somehow , things will get better . Can he have a fourth kidney transplant ? Time will tell , but that isn 't on the radar right now . Will he have the opportunity to be a part of research , stem cell developments , or medical miracles in America or elsewhere ? Time will tell , but that is on the back burner right now . But ya know what ? Their incredible faith is what keeps them hanging on . Some days are brighter than others , but behind it all is a deep belief , a steadfast conviction that everything will be OK . This week has been quite a whirlwind . Mitchell came home on Tuesday , exactly one week after transplant surgery , which was wonderful ! His blood pressure was coming down , which meant two of his six blood pressure medications could be discontinued . Things were looking up and we were doing the backstroke in a bath of good news . I finally heard a sense of calmness in Mrs . Lyne 's voice over the phone on Thursday after spending the entire day in the transplant clinic , and she even admitted with an exacerbated tone , " I 've been surviving on adrenaline . Now that we 're home , I 'm crashing and incredibly tired . " You may remember that she had a terrible car accident a few months ago and has been suffering from pain in her arm and neck . Mrs . Lyne 's physical therapy came to a complete halt two weeks ago when Mitchell went into surgery mode - so between that stopping , plus sleeping on hospital sofas and now on her own couch next to her sick son … her body has taken a beating . She went on to talk about the kitchen floors needing to be cleaned and I stopped her , " The floors can wait . Get some rest . " She reported that things seemed to be moving along in the right direction , besides creatinine levels being a bit high , to which they 'd adjust his anti - rejection meds to help fix that . He wouldn 't need to report back to clinic until another four days on Monday . We hung up the phone and not even a few hours went by before she rang again . The news wasn 't good . It turns out his blood pressure going down wasn 't necessarily a good thing , per se . You see , it could actually be a sign of the kidney being in distress . He 'd need to return to clinic the very next day , Friday . Friday comes and goes and the takeaway isn 't what we wanted to hear . His high levels of creatinine and low blood pressure … adds up to a biopsy appointment scheduled for Monday afternoon . Unless , in the meantime , the levels normalize . When I arrived he was asleep on the recliner chair , faithfully wearing his SAVE MITCHELL t - shirt ; evidently the blood pressure meds make you extremely tired . The Yankees were on TV , of course , his favorite baseball team . Beside him was a gigantic organizer of pills . I couldn 't exactly count how many were in each slot , but I eyeballed at least 15 or even 20 . He currently has SEVEN battle wounds that are healing - from his transplant surgery , dialysis cath removal , nephrectomy , central line in his neck , and on and on . I imagine his torso looks like he was attacked in a back alley from criminals . Without fail , Mitchell 's quirky sense of humor managed to make me laugh out loud and I almost fell off the couch . His Mom explained , " In the past , when we 've been at the beach and people ask , ' Wow what are those scars from ? ! ? ' Mitchell tells them they 're from a shark attack . " The poor guy has been through more than many of us will experience in our entire lifetime by the age of nineteen years old . All he wants to do is live . Just breathe , and live , and laugh . I wish that for him . Thank you so much for the continued support and for always believing . Right now it 's time to swim , not sink . It 's time for a miracle . Let 's keep Mitchell and his family afloat by wrapping them up in a life vest of hope . I was lucky enough to spend all - day Tuesday at the hospital to support Mitchell , his family , and his donor Jessica during their transplants . The experience was surreal ; I wasn 't watching Grey 's Anatomy in a flat screen TV , life was being saved in real time . Even when I worked at Johns Hopkins and walked down the hospital halls daily , I didn 't get to see behind - the - scenes happenings or truly understand what it 's like to wait , and wait , and wait for updates as the surgery took place . It was hands down one of the most moving , profound and best days of my entire life . As I feel asleep Monday night , during my morning drive into VCU Medical Center on Tuesday , and the evening drive home - I wept . The tears were made from 100 % natural joy . Since the day I learned of Mitchell having his transplant surgery day set in stone , gratitude keeps oozing from my pores . Mitchell receiving a transplant , all because of Jessica being impossibly humble and selfless … it all feels magical . A divine intervention if I 've ever seen one . I returned to the hospital today to see our brave hero on an extended lunch break . He was in much better shape than when I left him Tuesday night { which was basically incoherent & not awake , squinting in pain every few seconds } . Today he was sitting in recliner chair with bright blue lips from a hospital popsicle . Mitchell is a quiet guy and has an aura about him that feels old and wise , but those Cookie Monster blue lips immediately reminded me that he 's still a teenager with a young heart and spirit . When I first entered the room , a lady who handles all of his medications was telling him , " This is a test . You can have * ONE * cracker and then we 'll see how it goes . " He slowly savored his very first piece of solid food , a graham cracker , and 30 minutes later asked , " So what 's next ? " He 's starving after not eating for 3 days , and finally has an appetite . Next he munched on pretzels while watching a movie and dozing off every so often during my two hour visit . What I love about the Lyne family is how absolutely hilarious they are . At one point Mitchell 's monitor was making a beeping noise and his Dad got annoyed that it kept going off { the nurse attempted to fix the problem 3 times to no avail } . Mrs . Lyne turned to him and said , " Sorry if his life support is bothering you … " and we all broke out into a deep belly laugh . Those two are quite a pair and I can tell they 've been married for a very long time between their banter and playful interactions . Raising five kids , three of whom have suffered from tremendous health issues over the last decade - they know that when life gets rough , you have to laugh for survival . Fortunately today he 's feeling a little better and took a brief stroll down the floor . And the BEST news of all … is his new kidney is doing beautifully ! ! The organ is functioning properly , working hard to keep Mitchell alive & kickin ' , and producing urine like nobody 's business . Balloons , baskets full of candy , and well wishes are everywhere . Meals are being prepared for the family to help them next week once discharged . The love is palpable . Meanwhile , I also got to visit with Jessica for about 15 minutes down the hall , when she was preparing paperwork to be discharged in a few short hours . I 've only known her for a brief time now , but could definitely tell a big difference in her demeanor . In our past texts , emails , and in - person convos , she was pretty positive and energetic - whereas today she was very subdued . However despite her physical appearance being dialed back , I can tell that her spirit is stronger than ever . Also I got to see her eat solid food { her second time , first being a few pieces of cornflakes last night } - her preferred food was peanut butter crackers , yum . We discussed how her post - op experience has been , and despite it not being pretty { including side effects from pain meds , a severe allergic reaction to Benadryl which also caused severe itching that left marks on her back , a bloody nose , nausea causing her not to eat for all 3 days in the hospital , and an increased heart rate episode } , overall her mental attitude is phenomenal . She barely even took pain medication since the operation ; frankly , I think that 's insane . I 've heard accounts of donors comparing their pain levels * higher * than giving natural birth . But Jessica ? Nah . She said , " I 'm not a wussy . " No , no she is not . She 's a soldier . Savemitchell . com came to life to tell his story , share updates , as well as establish a Facebook page for supporters to follow along on his journey . We 've raised thousands of dollars , created Save Mitchell dot com t - shirts ( over 100 sold and counting ) , and even had folks make homemade dinners for the family . We chronicled Mitchell 's triumphs outside of the operating room including getting to meet his favorite college basketball team ( VCU Rams ) , watched him graduate high school , and attend Prom . We 've also learned about the not - so - glamorous , behind - the - scenes look at life on dialysis . As his Mother candidly said in the recent past , " he 's the sickest he 's ever been . " That statement says a lot considering the guy has been dealing with kidney failure and survived two transplants in the last 11 years . Needless to say , his loved ones and supporters have been clinging onto hope . That someway , somehow , someone would step forward to give the gift of life and be a suitable match . For a while he was doing well , then him and his Mom went to NC about two weeks ago to visit family , and suffered a complication thru dialysis - he was in a lot of pain . Things seem to be doing better now . No updates on donors . The hospital is working on a ' domino ' transplant that could involved 8 donors / recipients so the testing and matching process feels like it 's taking forever . Thanks again for reaching out & the support ! Fast forward to a few weeks ago , we learned that someone named Jessica was being tested . In organ donation , the hospital coordinator keeps details confidential to protect everyone involved , including HIPAA laws ( patient privacy ) , so his family & I were grasping for any and all information which was loosely shared . The stories and status changed every few days - one moment we 're talking about people in Missouri and Pennsylvania participating in a domino swap , the next moment we 're focused on fixing his dialysis machine , and the next moment we 're anxiously awaiting any update whatsoever from the transplant unit . Well today was the day we 've all been waiting for - this is finally happening in six short days . Mitchell has a donor , and it 's all thanks to sweet , selfless , super hero Jessica . She is donating to a stranger ( known as " altruistic " ) in need of a kidney in Richmond , VA - and her husband will donate their kidney to Mitchell . Although just like when I tested , Jessica wasn 't a match for Mitchell , the beautiful thing is she 's now saving TWO lives . The odds of this entire situation happening are slim on multiple levels . For one , given Mitchell 's complicated history and multiple surgeries , has unfortunately made it very difficult to find strong matches ; it 's not as simple as having the same blood type - the process is much more involved including antibodies , tissue matching , etc . Additionally , to have the swap take place in the exact same city is amazing . Dealing with dozens of people in a large kidney swap could have delayed the surgery for months , not to mention more room for error . Finally , Jessica is a nursing student and starts school soon - so her timeline to undergo the surgery and build in time to recover is tight . But , by the grace of God , the stars aligned . Sure many hiccups could take place , causing the surgery to not happen , or complications from the transplant … but we 're not going to focus on that . No - no , we 're not even going to put an ounce of energy into What If ? Because life doesn 't work that way - we are only guaranteed today , so let 's put our love and support into a perfect outcome for every single person involved . Let 's let go & let God . Let 's be brave and believe . I asked Jessica if she 'd write a guest blog post to share her perspective , what this experience means to her , and why she was inspired to get involved . She happily obliged and titled it : A Gift . Her story brought me to tears for more reasons than I could ever explain … I 'm so grateful for everyone 's support , and lift up Mitchell , his family , Jessica , and her family ~ that Tuesday , August 7 is The Day that Love wins , Faith perseveres , Hope prevails , and we 're no longer here to Save Mitchell ~ rather , Mitchell is saved .
|
The night was perfectly brisk . An orange crescent moonlight shined as I reflected on the events past . Smoke in . Smoke out . . . Damn that niggas swagger made me shout . Mature . Sexy . A Flirt . . . The right buttons to press . Skin right . . . Wool double breasted jacket . Fitting back into those favorite True Religion jeans . . . Scarf for the kids . . . Another complimentA flirt . . . I heard your show . . . appreciating it all . I lived I said to myself . . . The night before . . . It was as flat as soda left with the cap off . It was as flat as a white girls lips without the Angelia Jolie filling . But then he walked in the room and his energy sparked my interested and then I became alive . He made eye contact but toyed around with the idea of speaking to me . He was use to being chased . I was use to chasing . There was something there but neither one of us gave in . Then he made eye contact . Trying to get into my energy field but I wouldn 't let him . We weren 't friends and the only reason we knew each other is because we shared the same man . We didn 't need to be friends . We didn 't need to talk . At one point in time we both allowed ourselves to be played . Each other 's sloppy seconds . . . no need for rekindling . A new year was on the horizon . Seeing the man that my man cheated on me with reminded me that I needed to clean out my third drawer and rid myself of his boxers . . . that carried the scent of why I was with him . He moved towards me . Behind me . Blending with the wall of old money . Laced by 70 's decor that made me teleported me back to the nostalgic times of free wills and flowers . Swagger 10Personality 10Looks 10Attitude 10Style 10He went back to talk to his friendsShe shot a lookHe shot a lookAnd just like that the magic I felt was gone . 1234The numbers he got . Mine wasn 't one of themI let my nerves get the best of me . now i am sitting here writing about the known unknown . looking stupid , hoping I 'll see him again . . . If it 's meant to be it will . He would have fit perfectly into my 90 day plan . . . as a keeper . Then I walked in . . . Familiar faces . . . Shade fest I still smiled . . . I am living I rcertified by 25 and 3 / 4 of a year I lived in visible silence . I had not lived life . For 25 3 / 4 of a year I lived life for everyone else . I let people 's words control me . I let people 's actions dictate mine . I let their thoughts become mine . I had not lived . I remember waking up this past October and I heard Mary J . Blige : No time for moping around , are you kidding ? And no time for negative vibes , cause I 'm winningIt 's been a long week , I put in my hardestGonna live my life , feels so good to get it rightSo I like what I see when I 'm looking at meWhen I 'm walking past the mirrorNo stress through the night , at a time in my lifeAin 't worried about if you feel itGot my head on straight , I got my mind rightI aint gonna let you kill itYou see I wouldn 't change my life , my life 's just … . . Fine , fine , fine , fine , fine , fine , oooohFine , fine , fine , fine , fine , fine , oooohJust fine , fine , fine , fine , fine , fine , oooohYou see I wouldn 't change my life , my life 's just fineThen it happened . I began to look at myself differently . For the first time in my life I DIDN ' T GIVE A FUCK ! ! ! About what someone else was doing , what someone else was saying , what someone else was thinking . I had lived my life short - changing my talents , my abilities , denying myself - while I was everyone elses punching bag . I stopped and stepped up into the person that I am supposed to be . . . . I was put to the test . . . Anytime you walk into a club and see three ex boyfriends . . . all of whom dogged you . . . and a promoter that tried to dick you for money . . . and you don 't give a fuck - that 's when you know . . . I am who I am . . . You love it or you hate it . Just like life is supposed to be . In that gray area of is and isn 't have and have not , I don 't exist . the gray area is for the uncomfortable , the unstable , the insecure , the afraid . The ones that don 't like challenge . The ones have no problem with fitting in and just glad with what life gives them . Why settle for mediocrity ? Why settle for . 50 cents when you can have a dollar ? Is less more ? is mediocrity better ? I am the differenccertified by It wasn 't the fact that he stood me up . A call in a flurry because he wanted to talk . On the verge . I 've been there before . Standing on the ledge in preparation for the great leap , that you never take because you realize that someone is there - but you knew it all along , you just wanted the attention . So fucked up in being fucked up - you can 't help it . No love lost . It wasn 't because you walked me through it . Talked to me on the phone the whole hour I waited for him to appear . It was one of those moments where I was glad you answered . It reminded me of the time when we first met two years ago . . . and that same intimacy that we have now hasn 't changed since then . It never matters what I get into - or the shit I go through with niggas you 're the silent calm in the storm that no one else sees . I 'm in love with you beyond the sex that we never had but scheduled so many times . . . not that it matters , I just enjoy being around you . You 're one of very few that knows Tarrance . . . that respects Trent . It wasn 't the fact that I tossed and turned thinking about you . . . dick on hard thinking about . . . not in the mood to pull my dick into an explosive state . . . so I laid there hard and stiff . Then it made sense . It wasn 't the slice of pizza . . . It wasn 't the salad topped with the Raspberry Pomegranate dressing . . . It was that smooth ass glass of Yellow Tail Merlot that I got two years ago at my book signing that had me tossed up at 8 : 45 . An early bed time snack that had me up at the crack of dawn enjoying me . . . and the thoughts that ran through my mind . Sip SipGulp Gulp . . . I smiled . Dogmatic ass muthafucka , I thought . Oh well . . . things happen . Red flags waved . We ignore them . Memos sent in Red letters . We don 't read them . But we always seem to remember them when it 's too late . 11 . Conversations deep When you talk to yourself There 's no way to cheat ' Cause you know you can 't be no one else Won 't trip out on disappointment ' Cause failure is just not me Still I gotta do my job ' Cause you know my show can 't go on without me Excuse my extreme tardiness but so much as been going on in the camp I 've barely had enough time to blink and keep my eyes open ! ! ! But on with the show . . . as previously stated , surprisingly all the music worth mentioning today is exceptional and a couple of artists even won a new fan over . . . Depending on who is listening - upon first listen there isn 't anything remotely different about this Mary CD . It 's a semi - polished voice ( heavy on the auto tune . . no shade ) over great / okay - mediocre but bangin ' tracks that blend a unique sound that only MJB tha " VIP " possesses ( take notes Keyshia Cole ) But all that goes out of the window when you think about Mary now vs . the Mary we knew 17 years ago . I remember it like it was yesterday when a sloshed and completely hammered MJB had the blond do , the dark lipstick that matched dark shades and a dark personality to go along with the voice that sang every note but the right one . While we know Mary for her ghetto swagger a lot of fans didn 't buy into her new positive affirmation for her own life when that started with the " Mary " CD circa 99 - but " Growing Pains " gives us a raw introspective look inside the woman that has come from the bottom and went straight to the top . " Growing Pains " - a blunt narrative that inspires not only young women - but anyone who has been through anything dramatic and lived to tell about it . The inspiration , strength and power that Mary is giving us vocally makes her story more passionate , real and it truly makes everyone empathize with her because she too , just as us have been there before . She talks about everything from her marriage to what being a black woman is all about . The album has platinum success written all over it and it is truly a classic masterpiece that can be played 10 years from now . . . but wait , that 's any Mary CD . I think more people will like the fact that her realness and her ability to sing a story with such passion resonates louder than a catholic mass bell in the center of the Vatican . I stamp my name all over this shit . . . there are so certified by I couldn 't help but get juiced when Deion played this in the studio for me . . . It 's the new Janet track " Feedback . " I immediately wanted to get up and dance . . . what do you think . . . . ? Is L . A . Reid about to do for Janet what he did for Mariah . . . ? Get into Janet 's lines though : " Got a body like a CL5 make a nigga wanna test drive . . . . I 'm heavy like a first day period . . . " Are you serious . . . ? Yall are not ready . . . and I am mad that Tyra Banks has everyone in this nasty played out hooker wig . . . certified by When I first saw ' The - Dreams ' video featuring my favorite chipped tooth rapper Fabolous , for the video and first single , " Shawty is A 10 " I was instaneously hooked on the hot track and the radio friendly hook if not the mere hotness of two young black men on my screen . I was interested and kept a close watch on ' The - Dream ' which I thought was a group of some sort . . . In the overpopulated market of simple beat - makers that lack even mediocre talent to last longer than a real life span of a platinum album there is something about ' The - Dream ' that i like and hate , not like his debut " Love Hate . " I don 't know if I exactly hear a uniqueness or the " eh - eh - eh - eh " that he does more than Rihanna on every track drives me crazy - but there is still something there that makes me want to listen . While I am still trying to figure out if he is a rapper or singerHis production is very remnant of Prince during the " Revolution " days while his lyrics are soft , racy , pop - ish and they don 't really stand out like some of his peers take Trey Songz or Mario for example . Not to discredit the talent that is there - because it is , I 'm not completely sold . While the CD offers a nice balance of duets , mid - tempo songs , what could have been a ballad , a radio friendly track and a few club bangers - ' The Dream ' is just that , something I won 't remember when I wake up . . . unless the dream was about me winning the lottery . Standout Tracks : Shawty Is Da Shit , Fast Car , Living A Lie ft . RihannaIn Today 's R & B meat market of young heart throbs fighting for the coveted # 1 spot or the " Mr . 106 & Park " bragging right - you somehow forget about the smoothest if not the most talented young R & B star on the market now : Mario - who immediately separated himself from the pack by branding himself a true vocalist while honing his true musical abilities . We 've watched Mario go from the 16 year old kid who we knew had staying power to the mature young man who not only consistently makes good music but also deals with life when most would not face such adversity and still acertified by i appreciate the quiet moments . when everything is still . the phone isn 't ringing . im ' z aren 't buzzing . myspace is off . i like to sit and reflect . if not take in the beauty of breathing dirty air . . . i can still breathe . reflect on the moments past . drama that has held me captive . a body that has sheltered and hid me from many things , but has told them all at the same time . thankful for talents . thankful for a family that i can 't stand , because my mind has tricked me into thinking they can 't stand me , but the issue is that we were never really able to sit down and understand each other because of the generational cycles that plague us like famine in far away lands that i am grateful that i don 't know anything about . i am thinking about all the relationships lost . the friendships tarnished that i want back that i know that will never be the same . i think about sara and why it isn 't like it use to be . one thing is fore sure that you can 't change the past and it is apart of who we are today . . . and it always predicts the future , just because people never really change only the situations do . sometimes i think about the if 's the and 's the want 's the maybe 's and how they 'll never count for my journey , my constant stuggle , my continuous evolution . i think about my childhood friends and how i had many i only ended up with one . . . i often wonder how sirr , dujuan , cory , fat daddy & nitty are doing and hoping that they are well . . . longing for that time when we had fun and we weren 't worried about the trappings that life had to offer . the best time in my life where I actually thought I fit into the puzzle , when I really didn 't . thinking about the music that defined my happy days . the days where i started to eat out of pain . the days when i hid the fact that the house on lasalle that my mother worked so damn hard to get was actually the house i wanted so badly to go away - because the once happy moments were overshadowed by the names i was called . . . where i was molested . . . where my uncle left . . . where i got my first almost everything . certified by So there isn 't a show today . . . Today would have been my Grandmothers 81st B - day . . . in the past I 've done posts about her and the role she played in who I am today . . . but I am taking this time out to be with my family to reflect on her memory and not only that but to welcome my new cousin into the world . It 's a special time for us right now . . . in more ways than one . It 's so funny how something like watching a child being born can change your whole entire outlook and appreciation not only in your world but more importantly for the people around you . I 'll be in the studio this week . . . we 're on the wind down to end season 5 . . . in the meantime enjoy this video courtesy of Nathan Seven Scott ! much loveand don 't be afraid to walk in your divine greatnessthank you for supporting me . . . with you in the struggle . - t We 're vulnerable , we 're sensitive , and we 're complicated people too . So many peoplerolled into onewe contain so much . So much creativityso much energyso many contradictionsso much confusionso much clarity . So moments of faithand fearSo many different characters live within us . . . all looking for love - Janet Jackson " Looking For Love " From the " Damita Jo " albumThen it dawned on me why I liked that intro so much - because it described me to a " T " But it was also apparent when I woke up out of my dream and went to check my email , that it was applicable to him as well . Him , was the pinup of the latest Yahoo ! Personals match that was " compatible " with me . Every Sunday it never fails me that I get these advertisements , unauthorized solicitations from other men , promising me that they like to have fun , my weight isn 't an issue and they aren 't trying to take me home and bed me over the arm of some couch for a second of pleasure . But for some reason , I haven 't taken the time to stop receiving such annoying , meaningless , relentless , constant reminders that I am single . The kind of single guy that looks but doesn 't touch , yet wondering why I am not in a relationship . Something I don 't care to know or answer right now - because I am a firm believer in , " when it 's supposed to happen it will . " But none of that was better than the dream that I just had . It wasn 't those realistic dreams that always seem to come to life - it was one of symbolic meaning . Usually when I have a symbolic dream , I immediately wake up and deliberate . Trying to find out what the dream means and how do I go about executing the plan that I am suppose to . So my mom had moved to New York . She was still a stone cold bitch who was ruthless , cold hearted and at the end of the day was still irresponsible wanting everyone who she attempted to verbally kill clean up her mistakes . But as usual , that was the never the case with me , the first man in her life ( that she raised mind you ) to stand up to her . It wasn 't about back talk , it wasn 't about right or wrong , it wasn 't abcertified by First thing monday morningIm gonna pack my tears awayGot no cause to look backIm lookin for me a better dayYou see the thing bout loveIs that its not enoughIf the only thing it brings you is painThere comes a time when we could all make a change … * * * While I am sitting here , ankle elevated , thinking about my life at this moment , this urge to not stop and take a break keeps poking at me … like that boys hard dick when he 's lying against you at night . I 'm not even 5 cities in on my book tour yet and I have never had this urge to work on new material while promoting the current stuff . But I guess that 's all apart of the hustle … right ? This weekend was interesting . For most of you that don 't know I came back from NYC with a swollen ankle … I don 't feel like telling the story anymore … but … yeah , so I am finally trying to nurse my ankle back to health , while trying not to do too much , which is damn near impossible being me ! Saturday , I spent time mailing out books and spending time with my friends that I haven 't spent time with , since pre - summer . We 've seen each other , but we haven 't spent time … it was long overdue . With our schedules in limbo and our own things to deal with it was great seeing the guys … people have been accusing me of being a bad friend as of late , not really taking into account what has gone on with me personally over the last 6 months . Understandable and I am glad people bring things like this to my attention , because I feel it can only make our relationship better . This is definitely a time of new beginning , transition and readjustment . Yesterday a cold hit me smack dab in the middle of the day ! ! ! Jumping from the 40ish degree weather in NYC to L . A . 's 80 degrees has really done a number on me , so I had to cut my cousin 's 1st birthday party short and family time at my uncles to go home and Theraflu my body to death … and I ended up missing a friends birthday dinner ! I suck … but hopefully he allows me to make it up . So here I am taking personal notes … learning more about mysecertified by Trent returns from his NYC book tour with a bang ! And gives a full review on all of the Shade . Sabotage . and trickery of Gotham City ! MP3 File First of all . . . LMAO ! In spite of everything - Find the humor and the beautiful things in life . I 've learned more about myself this weekend than any other weekend ever ! I 've learned to stop complaining and just let things be . Staying true to yourself and staying firm in your beliefs is one of the best things a person can do . I 've also learned that everyone doesn 't buy into the GREAT things that you are doing . . . accept it and move on . Can I just say that I thoroughly enjoyed myself this past weekend in NYC despite all of the drama that went on . . . . . ? AND HONEY where ever there is Trent Jackson , whether he is doing something or not , somebody is always starting some shit . I mean all I try to do is mind my business and maintain what I got and there is always some ear hustler or eye stalker in the mist trying to see what the deal is . . . But - I am still in NYC . I am upstate chilling and getting some rest before I head to back to L . A . and then back to Philly for my next event . New York is an AMAZING place - and even though I 've had my negative exchange with some of the whack ass hoes out there ( in which they wouldn 't face me when I arrived - and rightfully so ) I had a good time and I have to say that I spent my time with three amazingly talented , humble , determined , focused gay black men - who are all stars in my eyes in which I shared an amazing connection with . It felt so good to just bond and talk with black men with a purpose and a true desire to change the way people view gay black men . To me it was the best experience I 've had with gay black men . We had intelligent conversation , we weren 't trying to sleep with each other . . . we are all focused , driven , determined - It was amazing . So to Dwight , in which I loved my time with you and thank you for supporting what I do ! That means sooooo much to me . . . it 's all about the connection ! ! ! Adam , for showing me around and giving yourself unselfishly . It feels good to know I 'm not the only one in the world going through what I do . You 're great ! ! ! And I love it ! Shorty Roc , thank you certified by Hey everyone ! ! ! Wow . . . . so I finally crashed after my book release party on Sunday ! ! ! A combination of delirium and liquor is never a good thing ! I had everyone drunk off of the " Trent Jackson Martini " you have to ask people that were there about it . . . FINALLY After 8 long grueling months the book release party came although the book has been out for a little longer than a month . It was a really busy , fun time this past Sunday and thanks to everyone that came and supported ! I had a great time . There wont be any shows this week , my voice need recuperating from all of the yelling and reading I did this week . . . plus I went to see Anita Baker on Saturday . . . so I had a jammed weekend ! I am resting . . . . So this week I am resting and gearing up for New York . . . if you 're in the area and you want to check me out stop by : F . Y . I . If you order " Full Circle " from my official site by November 16th , you get the Behind The Scenes DVD free ! ! ! So Check it out . . . Thanks for your support and I 'll see some of you soon ! rightfully resting . . . - t Yall know I am working my ass off on promoting the new book ! This is some hard ass work especially in the gay world . . . but I 've got to run . . . there will be a show tomorrow . . . but check this out in the meantime . Thank you for all of your support , kind words , emails and thanks to the bitch who just jacked my new cell phone ! ! ! P . S . Britney 's new album is just as tragic as she is . with you in the struggle , - tPreview Of The Full Circle ProjectAdd to My Profile | More Videos Some of you know that I rarely get a chance to do interviews . . . but last night I had a great opportunity to be interviewed by a great friend , blogger / journalist Darian Aaron . We spoke about my new book , ' Full Circle , ' my personal life , some of my upcoming projects , and I even got a chance to sling a little mud without getting too dirty ! You can listen to the interview in it 's entirety HERE . . . and just in case you missed the memo : Trent Jackson , who was featured in Clik Magazine was described as " . . . On the rise to becoming one of the biggest power players that our community has ever seen . " Is back with his follow up novel to his best - selling , critically acclaimed , debut novel , " At This Moment , " which allowed the reader to have a rhetorical conversation with Maverick Williams ( the main character ) , whose coming of age story is one that examines several social issues and his personal experiences that are a running commentary on his and society 's perceptions and stereotypes on homosexuality , race , family , relationships and other aspects of a maturing Black male . On Maverick 's trek to find love , acceptance and coming to grips with his own sexuality , he almost never finds what matters the most in life . In his new novel , " Full Circle , " we resume at Mavericks breaking point , where in a feeble suicide attempt , Maverick unintentionally discovers why he allows himself to be entrapped in vicious negative cycles . People in his life seem more like delusional characters in a Prime - time movie than the faithful confidantes he once thought they were . The novel follows Maverick as he tries to pick up the pieces in his life while readers will suspensefully question whether Maverick will allow his past family tragedy , failed relationships , insecurity or new found love distract him from his own happiness . Or will he find all the right things at the wrong time to further push his unstable nature into oblivion ? Find out why everyone must come , Full Circle . . . I 've been learning a lot about myself . More so over the last two months since I 've been tested and tried at every turn , I 've finally got my shit to a point where I can manage and be myself again . So that feels good . I 'm a bit salty about something I read over the weekend , so I 'll keep it to myself and try extremely hard not to let my bad vibes materialize into something tangible . I 'm not a jealous person by nature at all - because I am aware of my talent and what I possess , I know my time will come when it is supposed to . Easy come easy go , but when I try to build something with someone and they turn on me and try to out do me , especially when I work harder than they do , it really irritates me . Especially when I am usually the last to get recognized for something that I did FIRST . I 've originated a few things ( and u may disagree ) … and it infuriates me when people bite and don 't acknowledge the source . That is annoying , but I have a great theory about the underdog … and it 's proven to work well . As we drove down Avenue of the Stars towards Pico - she blurted out , " You 're so damn controlling - shut up ! " I sat there for a second and paused … and tried to figure out why she said that . I wanted her to go a certain way home , but I usually always give directions , because I like to take the quick way to the next destination . But then it sank in again … I am controlling and I just realized that . Then I began to think about all of my relationships and wondered why they failed . Was it because I was too controlling ? That maybe had something to do with it . But my control issue stems from a trust issue . Most of the adults in my life have failed me , which made me not trust anyone to make and decisions about ME any decision has never been in my best interest , so I always make them myself and do things myself , because I know the best way . And I always meet people , who admire me , my advice and my decision making - and always end up helping them sort shit out . And you know it 's difficult when you cancertified by My day starts extremely early , especially if it 's a day where I am in the studio . Usually 4 am . 6 a . m . the other days . Today was a 4 a . m . day . I went to the studio , recorded the morning segments . . . I 'll return later to finish the rest of it , that 's how it 's been forever . I come back home get ready for work , wake the kid up , get her to school and off to work . So yesterday , my sister , tells me that some boy in kindergarten was drawing on her pants and hitting her and doing boy shit to the extreme . Now , in my mind this boy has a crazy ghetto home life - which is something that my sister doesn 't have . We live a very low key life without all of the dramatics . . . well with the exception of her parents , but she 's usually shielded from that . But last night I learn that the boy hit her again . I am a little irritated , I don 't know if I said this out loud , but one of the things that I was dealing with recently was my sister being molested by her 8 year old cousin . Yes . . . molested , yes by her cousin . So you can imagine the chaos . . . which is why my professional life was put on hold for so long because of court and custody shifts and things , I just had to focus on my sister , since her parents are irresponsible more of the times . Anyway . I know this has to be confusing for my sister - I know she is going to have an issue with men , if any little boy touches her in anyway , I know she is reminded of what her cousin did . My sister and I have a good relationship , although she is young , I talk to her like I speak to anyone else . I never spoke baby talk to her , it was always normal conversation - and I want her to be bright and intelligent while knowing about life early , so she wont have a ruff time coping like I did , because her parents lied to her about what life is about ! No ! ! ! ! Won 't happen . This morning I tell her , " Don 't let anyone touch you , or hit you , or draw on your clothes Essence . Tell the teacher if someone does . " She replies , " But I told Mr . Woods , but he didn 't do anything he just brushed me off . " I responded , " Well the next time certified by I forgot what I was going to talk about this morning . But I know one thing is for sure , life has a great way of making you realize things that you normally wouldn 't or won 't accept . Just thinking about the course of my life . . . I 've realized that my patterns of irresponsibility need to be stopped . After fully and thoroughly examining my life over the past few months I got the lesson from my stint of problems that were inevitable and from the outside looking in , some of you saw my demise or possible demise . I learned that one ; I had to be more responsible . I was living my life irresponsibly . I had goals , I attained them , but at the same time , I was taking for granted my great paying job . Making or becoming too friendly with management , thinking that was okay , and it 's never okay to befriend your boss or your immediate supervisor . . . I was coming in late , leaving early , doing all of the niggerish things that I thought that was owed to me just because I was in good with my boss ! Wrong ! That didn 't have anything fully to do with me loosing my job , but that certainly didn 't help , I could imagine so , simply because other people started to get uncomfortable and complain about my relationship with my boss . There was nothing sexual , she was a white Australian woman . . . the bottom line is that at my new job , I 'm 15 minutes early everyday , I try not to handle too much of my book business on their time ( it 's impossible to do ) and I keep it professional . And I don 't for a second take for granted what I have in front of me , because I know where I was at three months ago and how I never want to be there ever again ! Secondly and more importantly - when you go through life altering events , the first thing to fall off are people who you thought had your best interest . . . boy did I learn ! I looked around so quick and went from having tons of friends , who partied with me , smoked my weed , ate my food and vice versa , were no longer there . My sister was molested , the printer had my book fucked up , my graphic designer was incompetent , I had lost certified by I 'm here to tell you . . . life does get better . And even when you think it doesn 't , you 're reminded that it does . I think that this past weekend was the best that I 've had in a while - simply because I was focused and I spent it alone . I 'm a strong believer in divine order - and I am also a strong believer in " If it 's to be , it 's up to me . " I worked mostly yesterday , I 've been like a month behind on packaging and mailing books out , so I finally got the bulk of that done yesterday . . . and I 'll take them to the post office tomorrow since my donkey brain forgot that it was a fake holiday today . Saturday I worked on book tour stuff and went shopping for a new mattress - since something invaded the other one and nutted all off up in the foam and shit . . . I couldn 't take it any longer . . . . It was productive and I finally saw my life for what it was . Everything happens at the right time . . . and granted I went through a lot of shit to get to the point where I am able to resume my life , kinda where I left it in July . I 've been trying to get my best - friend to start a blog . . . I 'll keep you updated on that . And I 'm madly in love . . . well kinda , we 'll see what happens . It 's not quite the time to make the announcement just yet . But I 've been single for 10 months . . . so we 'll see how it works . I don 't want to talk about him . . . but it 's just so funny how you ask for something , then you get it . It 's like , wait , wasn 't I just asking for this a week ago . . . ? The gag is , he 's Jamaican . Did I jade yall again ? Well , I didn 't make it into the studio like I wanted to this week . . . but there was a lot going on . But things are cool . I am working on my third book this morning . . . I have a 12 / 31 / 07 deadline I have to meet . . . my new book is going into production January 21st so . . . I 've got some work to do . . . not like it can 't be done ! I think people just purposely do stupid shit so I can write about them inconspicuously in novels . . . ? Hmmmph . . . I guess . I am looking forward to a great weekend with my best - friend and him . . . Have a great weekend . I went to bed tossing and turning last night contemplating whether or not I would call you . Some niggas need to be on ignore mode , but at this point , after protocol was already established , you wanna go and act stupid , were we not just on cloud nine less than 72 hours ago ? My brain can not handle another crack , for I am already fragile and operate in an constant state of inadequacy . I 'm insecure , I will always be . You can change some things , but one that no one can change is the fact that we will never be 100 % secure in who we are as people because we always change . Last night . . . I polished the entire bottle of Moet Nectar . Bent out of my mind . I hit the bong twice , maybe three times to add to the flair and instantly I felt the need to say all of the things I wanted to say . . . you say you love me for who I am , but the blatant disrespect in the form of a test of loyalty infuriates me more than Ike Turner high on coke in the 70 's trying to make a hit for Sue Records . An already fragile brain cant take it . . . So I called - and you said you would call me back , we both knew that was a lie , so I rolled over and watched my tape of Star Jones Show and Janet on Oprah . I went to bed and dreamed about you . . . I dreamed that I told you all the things I wanted to and told you how I really felt but something told me when I wake up , just forget about it and move on . All of this means something . . . It means to keep paying attention to myself . I realized that every time I embark on a new project something always comes and distracts me . I won 't let that happen this time . I am extremely tired of arguing , fighting , going through the motions . . . with people . I refuse to relinquish my power to those who don 't know what they want or where to go or mad because I am focused . . . or at least try to be , no , because I am . I need balance in my life . Something constant . I don 't need anyone who is more moody than a woman on the rag or a bitter queen who can 't find any happiness in anything . Sometimes I think I try too hard . Sometimes I don 't try enough . But juscertified by I know what I talk about . I live this life . . . you only hear about it , there is a difference . A big difference . Until you 've walked two steps in my shoes , listened without judging , understood without speaking , you 'll never know what it 's like , you may think I have it easy and I have fun . . . but I would never wish my internal thoughts and my experiences on anyone . . . not even the people I have an utter disdain for . A lot of my decisions are based on the way that I feel . . . which is ultimately based on logic and intuition , my quick ability to assess situations and people . It never fails me . Know that every time I do the opposite of what my gut tells me , I end up looking raggedy , cross eyed and confused off in a damn corner some where . Today I am unbalanced , confused , irritated , optimistic , reserved , annoyed , anxious , nervous all at the same time . It 's like that . I try extremely hard to shield my raw thoughts from people because I know I just can 't walk up to someone and tell them you 're a fake , shady , bitch and point out reasons why and walk off . . . even if I felt like it , I have to water a lot down . But there are times when I tell the truth . . . the raw truth . . . and I always feel bad afterward because it 's a hard pill to swallow . I feel extremely bad for my best - friend , I subject her to so much - sometimes it 's enlightening , but when we reach the heart of the matter it 's so draining that we have to both go to sleep . . . but until now , no one knew that I 've cried myself to sleep for the past 6 months every night . I 'm tired of crying . I 'm tired of trying . I 'm tired of playing . I 'm tired of being serious . I 'm tired of working . I 'm tired of being caught up . I 'm tired of people and their baggage , hell I 'm tired of my own . When is enough , truly enough ? This morning I swallowed a pill that I 'd never thought I 'd swallow . That I didn 't want to swallow . I will just internalize it and hope it doesn 't have the effect that it may potentially have . Do you know what it 's like to feel dark when the sun is out and light when the moon is shining ? Have you acertified by So there isn 't a show today . I was so tired yesterday that I couldn 't even get into the studio . . . I stayed out too late and with this new job - I just couldn 't do it ! So forgive me . . . I will definitely get in the studio between today and tomorrow to speak with you ! I know how some of you feel about your Trent Jackson fix . But this morning , I 've gone over it in my head 1 , 000 times , listening to Faith Evans examining the situation for what it is . It 's so funny how in life , we ask for something and we get it . . . and some . It 's a good feeling - but always obey your gut feeling - for it is the truth and you should never ignore it ! Last night I was mentally and physically overwhelmed . . . and I feel bad for my best friend or anyone who is close enough to really know me . . . not just a piece of me . Because my brain is so complex and so . . . direct it 's impossible not to have an adverse emotional reaction after I tell you something , which is a reason why a lot of the times I keep my mouth shut or at times like this speak in circles and you have no idea what the fuck I am talking about . Sometimes I hate being smart and being the go - to person for everything all the times - and not bragging , it 's just what it is . Because if I was incompetent . . . well lord knows I wouldn 't want to be on that side of the track . . . but I can hear Kanye West ( Luke 12 : 48 ) saying " To whom much is given , much is taken , " so I guess this is something I need to find a better balance in dealing with . . . So my question of the day is , are we allowed to retract statements we make ? And if we are - what are the repercussions of having a loose mouth ? Trent talks raising kids , dating and other shit . This episode features music from : Keyshia Cole - Fallin ' OutRahsaan Patterson - No DangerChaka Khan - One For All TimeThe Dream Ft . Fabolous - Shawty Is A Ten MP3 File So . . . 7 CD 's in one day . I 'm not ready , and neither were the artists since most of the stuff that came out today , didn 't really live up to it 's hype or my expectations . . . lets get on with it . Jill Scott , " The Real Thing , Words And Sounds Vol . 3 " - A slip from grace . . . Jill , Jill , Jill . I remember when she first came out . The Neo - Soul movement was at the forefront . Erykah Badu led the pack and with it came Jill Scott and The Roots ( who had always been there were a household name . . . ) I liked Jill not only because she told a real story and didn 't perpetuate any scenario we had seen before , but she was herself - that was refreshing to see . 4 . 5 albums later , I 'm seriously questioning her authenticity as an artist . That is a harsh comment to make - but one would as the question , " What happened ? " Certain artists , you expect to get a certain sound , quality , a certain product . Jill has been consistent in her formula - and it is such a horrible catch - 22 because fans want the same formula but a different sound , and artists want to go a different direction while still pleasing fans . Jill went totally left and threw me for a loop . She had me in the middle of the Sahara in the summer with an empty canteen ! ! ! I am rather disappointed in this CD . It 's like girl , I 'm sorry it didn 't work out between you and your man , but you would think that would make some of the best music . . . not this time . I don 't even know what to say about this . Nothing grabbed me , nothing told me to listen to it again , nothing said , " DAMN I KNOW THATS RIGHT ! " it was just like she went into the booth , talked and nothing made sense and said here 's the CD . Now , what a contradictory hypocrite I am , not to discredit her talent . . . this just didn 't do it for me . This CD to me was " D " quality . I guess every artist has to have a whack CDTracks : Insomnia , Whenever You 're Around . Queen Latifah " Trav ' lin ' Light . " - I know how to hold your attention . Queen Latifah is back with her second jazz standard set - and if you need a mellow escape with some red wine and a soothing bath , tcertified by
|
RT @ RocksteadyGames : Today marks 2 years since the release of # ArkhamKnight ! As a special thanks to our fans , we wanted to share early conc … 4 days ago Wow , it 's been almost four months since I was last laid off . I can 't believe it 's been that long . Summertime is in full swing , and I 've been enjoying my lengthy vacation here at home . Movies , theme parks , video games , and having my niece and nephew here for some fun in the sun has been great . However , all good things have to come to an end . This means that I need to start thinking about what I 'm going to do about going back to work , because unemployment isn 't going to last forever . Working as a union electrician can be a tough life . Sometimes the going is good when work is in abundance especially when I was working at the nuke plant in Port St . Lucie . Of course with all the good comes the bad when things get slow . A partial solution to that mess would be for me to head out on the road . I 've , found some small jobs in Georgia and Alabama , but these are only temporary solutions just to pad my bank account so that I don 't have to worry about going broke . I will say that I enjoy the freedom of working on the road , but I 'd rather be home instead so that I can be close to family as well as sort out my personal life . Part of me wishes that I made a career in the video game industry reviewing games and stuff . Unfortunately that didn 't happen so I need to think more realistically and constructively . So what are my options ? Well here 's a few options that have been floating around . Well it looks like a fall outage at the nuke plant at Port St . Lucie is coming up . It 's not like the long outages that I 've had in the past , but for a chance to work near home for 2 - 3 months would be nice . Sadly , the company may be only looking for 35 guys to man the job which makes this a longshot for me since I 'm near the bottom of the book . Maybe they can add a stipulation for badging within in the last six months which would be right up my alley . There 's also work coming up at the Ft . Lauderdale International Airport and the Broward County Courthouse , but I 've heard those rumors for the last two years and nothing has happened yet . Disney 's D23 Expo is coming up next month . At the convention they 're expected to announce a full overhaul to Disney 's Hollywood Studios ( Star Wars Land , Monstropolis , and Cars Land ) as well as the Avatar Land project for Animal Kingdom . These projects are expected to last at least three years which would give me some stability as well as being close to home . Disney always hires union contractors which is good news for me . The bad news is that the pay scale kind of sucks , but I can still make a good profit in the long run . The big question however is when this will all start . I haven 't done any work in the Charleston area so an initial signing of their book is needed . I 'm hearing about a Google facility which will be a long term job for up to a year . A couple of guys from my local plan on heading there and asked me to tag along . Sounds like some good work as long as the books aren 't jammed with names and hurricane season misses the coast . The other bad news is that I won 't be able to pick up my PlayStation 4 on launch day . I have it paid off so it looks like someone else will have to pick it up for me and I 'll bring it back to Charleston after Thanksgiving . Ok , this is the worst case scenario due to the fact that there won 't be any new jobs coming until 2014 at the nuke plant in Athens . Two outages are planned in February and in October . Chances of me snagging those jobs if I have nothing else for the rest of this year are very good , but waiting for these opportunities to come up is not a good idea because it 's a drain on my bank account . I need something before that so here 's hoping it doesn 't come down to this . Well , those are my options . What do I do ? at least I have some time to figure it all out . Here 's hoping for the best . Also if anyone is looking for an editor for their gaming site let me know . Yes , it has finally happened . Time for my summer vacation to end and work to begin . Six painful weeks I suffered as I went to my union hall for the disappointing news of my number not getting called . Happy to see some of my brothers and sisters get the call to head out to work . Some who 've been out of work for a long time now enjoying that big paycheck . I wondered when it was going to be my time . Six weeks of dreaming for those big weekly pay days that will pad my growing bank account . Yesterday , that dream came true . Barely . For a period of time during this 17 man call for the St . Lucie Nuclar Plant I didn 't think they would reach my number . Low numbers highlighted the early going with people I 've never heard of . Then they reached the 100s . I was at # 137 . I had a chance . All of a sudden some brothers " passed " on the call . A smile then went across my face . It was coming . The 14th number called was mine . I jumped up and said " Yes ! " I 'm in ! Then it hit me . If nobody passed on the call I would 've had to wait another week . Maybe even wonder if I would make the cut at all . After receiving my work referral the first thing that popped in my head was " I 'm going back to work ! No more crappy unemployment money ! " Then another thought hit me . " Oh shit , I 'm going back to work ! " No more vacation . No more slacking off . Soon it would be time to put the tools back in my hands and do the job asked of me for the next few months . At least the paycheck is worth it . Tomorow I 'll be packing my bags and making my way to Hutchinson Island for the weekend . Get myself settled in and do some grocery shopping . Oh yeah , and I 'll be heading to the movie thether to go see The Dark Knight Rises . Like I 'm going to miss that . Fat chance ! Once Monday at 6am comes around reality will hit me once again . I can 't say what I 'm doing when I 'm there , because that would get me in trouble . Good news is that come November I 'll be laid off and back home once again for the holidays with the family while getting ready for a return trip to Athens , Alabama next year . That phrase in the title says it all , because it sure has become a recurring theme for the past few weeks . Drive 100 miles from my home in Palm Bay to West Palm Beach where my local union hall is located hoping to hear my number called so that I can go back to work at the St . Lucie Nuclear Plant outage . Once again the disappointment fills my eyes as my number doesn 't get called . How much longer do I have to wait ? Every week for the last month and change I 've showed up at the hall and signed the day book hoping for the best . The only part that sucks is when I pull into the parking lot and see it full of cars with my local brothers and sisters all wanting the same thing . A large majority of the people there I worked with on the previous outage making it a reunion . I 'm all happy when their numbers get called , but sad at the same time when I still have to wait on the pine pony . They ask me when I 'm getting out there . I tell them " I really don 't know . " Now let me just state for the record that I 'm enjoying my so - called " vacation time " resting up for the busy fall and winter seasons ahead of me working 6 days a week , 12 hours a day at the nuke plant for the upcoming outages . Time off between jobs is great , but after awhile you get that itch . The greedy itch of wanting to go back and make that sweet check every week once again . I miss those paydays . Unemployment money sucks ! What really busts my bubble is that every week I move closer and closer in the book for the call , however each week I feel like I 'm so far away . The recordings on the night before state " Red Badge Preferred " which is where I fit in , but when the callout comes around the next morning they just end up taking the first person available . Some people with extremely low numbers show up out of nowhere and take the calls . Some even get spun around failing background checks and get sent back to the hall hurting those who 've been patiently waiting . People like me . So here I wait . Waiting on the opportunity to go back . Will it happen ? Who knows . All I know Is that I 'm not waiting forever . Today I also signed a road book in Alabama to head back to Browns Ferry Nuclear Plant for two upcoming outages . Who will call first ? I 'll just have to wait and see . I think I need a beer . Unemployment really sucks . Why ? Because my issues with collecting my benefits has once again hit another big roadblock . All I want is to make my time while I wait for the next job to be as painless as possible . Once again that is not the case as my frustrations continue . I told you before that the unemployment agency 's goal is to not pay you . So here 's what happened this time . Two weeks after I filed my initial claim I had to claim weeks to gain benefits . I did all the work on the computer including adding my work searches ( which is telling them that I called the union hall … truth ) , but there was something that seemed to bother me . I never received anything in the mail that my claim was approved . There was plenty of times where I claimed weeks only to receive nothing because the agency decided to put a " flag " on my account just to be a pain in the ass . Well I decided that this time I would call them to find out what ws going on . " Oh hell no ! " is what I told her . " I already served a waiting week two months ago when I first claimed this year . That was the only week I was out of work before I went to Alabama . I 'm not getting screwed by serving a second one . " " Claimed $ 1 , 000 say what lady ! " My attitude clearly changed by this point . Maybe because I wanted to see where that money was so I can have it . My usual response is " How long is this going to take ? " Now all I can think about is the past few times where they fucked me . This is going to take months of me fighting , frustration , pulling my hair out , and absolute agony just to get $ 275 . Money which will mean absolutely nothing , because I 'll already be working again . I think their goal is to see if I 'll forget about it . Then again I 'm Jewish . We never forget about money no matter how small it is . She told me that it would only take 7 - 10 days . Business days that is . Of course I wasn 't buying into this , but what else could I do . You would think that they would just fix this right away so I wouldn 't have to go through all these problems , but then I remebered that this is the state unempoyment agency . After being put on hold for another 15 minutes , where I had to listen to awful elevator music that could put you to sleep , she came back on the line to tell me that the paperwork was on the way for me to fill out . Great … all this paperwork for money that may never arrive , but they sure will tax you on it come January . Well on that note , let me raise a beer and toast to another two months of fighting the unemployment agency . I hate Rick Scott ! Well there is good news . My union hall has been calling out for the job at the St . Lucie Nuclear Plant starting yesterday and will continue every week . They didn 't reach my number yet ( number 224 in the book ) , but they should get there in the next two weeks . The unemployment blues could soon be over . Six Weeks . Fifteen dealerships . After all the insanity the end of the road is finally here . It 's been a roller coaster ride , but now I 've reached the end of a journey that maybe wasn 't really needed . Seriously speaking , the whole search for the " Holy Grail " known as the Camaro ZL1 was nothing short of a monumental disaster . A lot of time and effort put in to a dream that would not come true . Of course , I 'm not going to call this a total loss , because it made me appreciate what I already have even more than ever before . Let me rewind the clock back about one year ago . While I was working during my first stint up in Alabama I came to a decision to get rid of my Ford Mustang . Sure I enjoyed the car , but there was one thing that really bothered me . Everyone has one . The Ford Mustang is nothing more than a popular yet common muscle car . You never really stand out from other people unless you own a Shelby GT500 . Just think about it . Take a drive and count how many Mustangs you see in a five mile radius and you 'll get my point . Now I did consider buying a 2012 Ford Mustang GT at the time , but a certain Ford dealership in Dothan , AL was trying to fuck me by coming up with their own interest rates , but that 's a story for another day . I always had in mind getting a Camaro . Like the Mustang , the Camaro has a strong tradition . I really became sold on the fifth generation car after watching the Transformers movie , however you couldn 't buy the car at least until 2010 . Well I went to the Chevy dealership and there she was . The 2011 Camaro SS . I took a test drive and I was immediately in love . Sure the salesman thought I would be an impulse buyer and try to fuck me in the process , but I had other plans . Four other dealerships and the specific car I was looking for . The upper hand was mine and I made five dealerships fight for my business . The end result was the price went down . Two weeks later the V8 bad boy was all mine putting a smile on my face . Everyone around town was now looking at me and what I had . Why do I mention all of this . Because at the time I made a statement . " This is my keeper . I 'm not buying another car . " I was one hundered percent satisfied and for all this time I kept to my word . That is until another car crossed my path . The 2012 Chevrolet Camaro ZL1 . The top of the line . The ultimate Camaro . Speed personified . When I first gazed eyes on it online I couldn 't turn away from the screen . I had to wipe up all the drool over the sexiness of this supercharged V8 car . If the SS is " The Beast , " then the ZL1 is " Godzilla . " I then thought about my statement and realized that I was about to do the one thing I said I wouldn 't do . I cheated . For the past few weeks the ether was high . The juice was worth the squeeze . However , what evolved as I went from dealership to dealership started to eat away at that juice . It even made me think twice about what I already had . The mere thought of cheating raced through my mind like a disease . I kept asking myself if this was really needed . To trade one Camaro in for another . I must be out of my mind . Dealerships kept making promises they couldn 't keep . Even the thought of ordering a 2013 model year gave them the " cha - ching " look in their eyes as they would ask for security deposits of $ 500 , $ 1 , 000 , or even $ 10 , 000 just to see how serious I was . These people were sizing me up just to see if I had the green or wasting their time . I 'm sorry , but I 'm not giving a dealership $ 10 , 000 of my hard earned money just to order a car that 's not even made , or on a hunch that the car might possibly show up in around six months . Nothing was guaranteed . Shit , it was only last week when I finally stepped foot in the ZL1 and then the dealership tried to fuck me with the paperwork . It was then when it finally dawned on me . It was at that moment , after six long weeks of wasted time , that the dream came to an end . I needed to move on . It was time to let the ZL1 go . Throughout this whole excruciating process I always wondered if I was doing the right thing . What if I just changed my mind and decide to upgrade my own ride . My 2011 Camaro SS looked like she was begging for more . Superchargers , exhaust packages , leather interior . The options were endless . That 's when I made the decision to keep what I had and upgrade instead . When the first upgrades we 're completed last week I had a smile on my face for the first time in what felt like a long time . I put ZL1 type upgrades into my car and it feels so good . The acceleration is faster than ever before . The roar of the supercharger wakes up the whole neighborhood . The looks I get from people as I drive by is priceless . The comments of " nice car man " are back . All I could think about was how I made the right decision . In the end , the juice was definitely worth the squeeze … with my own car . Ok car sales people , we all know how the game works . When a customer strolls in looking to make a purchase of a new or used car your goal is to make sure you keep them there as long as humanly possible . We all know those long waits they make us go through just so they can talk to the sales manager to see where they can profit most from . The other rule is to never let you leave . Leaving customers lead to possible lost sales … or do they ? In my last episode , I stormed out of a dealership after they tried to fuck me over with a $ 10 , 000 price bump along with offering $ 4 , 000 less on my trade . Add that all up and you have $ 14 , 000 in profit which would give this salesman plenty of pizza and beer for a year , or at least a trip to Las Vegas where he can blow his money on the craps tables and hookers . Now don 't get me wrong . I love the new Camaro ZL1 , but I don 't love it that much when a dealership wants to publicly rape me in the process . Now I 've already decided that the ZL1s " juice " is no longer worth the squeeze . The ether is gone and I 've moved on to upgrading my 2011 Camaro SS . Actually as we speak the crew at Rosner Chevrolet has already put on the new 21 ″ black wheels which I showed off on my Twitter and Facebook pages . They 're also installing a brand new Edelbrock E - Force supercharger as well as a Flowmaster exhaust package ( spared no expense ) . Of course this is only " Stage 1 " of the process to personalize my Camaro . " Stage 2 " only requires minor details and will be performed at a later date . Well before I go completely off topic let me go back to the salesman bravado of never letting the customer leave . While this particular salesman let me leave the dealership , I guess he had a change of heart in the next 48 hours that followed . That 's right . The son - of - a - bitch called me back and still wanted my business . So here 's what went down over the phone earlier today . Now I didn 't want to tell the guy that I wasn 't interested , or making the upgrades to my current ride ( at least not yet ) , so I decided to play along . " Well , let 's see . I drove all the way to your dealership to buy a car only to get publicly humiliated and ass raped at the same time while you smile your way to the bank with the profits . Hmm … I really don 't know anymore . Do you think I should still be interested ? " " Negotiations ? What negotiations ? What I distinctly remember is the $ 14 , 000 you all tried to rip me off on , and then tell me what this car would go for on eBay . " " Well Brian , I think that we can come to a better deal today . I saw the website and noticed that you were correct all along . We believe that the customer is always right . I 'm willing to sell the car at the original price that was found on the Chevrolet website . " Wow , what balls this guy has . Now he wants to come clean . So I ranted on . " So let me get this straight . At first you wanted to rip me off , then say that you were wrong , and now you want to offer me the car at the original price that it should have been in the first place . Wow , what happened . Did the truth fairy come by and tell you that you needed to stop the sleazy salesman lies . Is your sales manager low on crack and didn 't get his fix ? What gives ? " " Now you want to sell the car to me . What happened to Alabama man ? Did he have a moment of clarity after slapping his wife around after a night of bowling with the guys and telling her that he can do whatever he wants ? Did someone on eBay reject their bid ? Did a Craigslist buyer change their mind ? C ' mon , you guys are eBay Chevrolet . With your overinflated trendy prices you should have no problem selling cars . " You would think that the salesman would get a little upset and hang up the phone , but he didn 't . He took insult after insult from me . There must be some sort of incentive he gets for selling me the car . A day off , steak dinner , hookers , something other than the commission . He replied " I understand that your upset , and as I stated earlier we want to sell this car to you . My question is what would it take to get you in this car today ? " " Well lets see , hmm … you took off the $ 10 , 000 price hike to give me original price . Well that 's no good enough . I want full trade in value for my car and I 'll be willing to buy the car at $ 56 , 000 out the door . " " Of course you can . I don 't care about your sales manager . Remember that you want to put me in the car today , and you 'll do anything to make it happen . Well that 's my deal . Time is money my friend , and this deal won 't get any higher . " I knew this was coming , " Ah the old " up to " game . I love this one . Well what part of $ 56 , 000 out the door and full trade did you not get ? Now the price is $ 55 , 000 . Do you want to sell this car or not ? " " Brian , we can 't go that low . I guess you really don 't want the car . I don 't think we can do business anymore . " The cat was finally out of the bag . It was time to end this conversation . " I knew we couldn 't do business when you tried to sell me a " bare bones " ZL1 at an overinflated price . Besides , I really don 't want the car anymore since I 'm upgrading my own ride . I have to go now . I wish you the best of luck in selling that car , and tell the gold folks at eBay Chevrolet that I said hello . Good day sir ! " That was all . No more battling sales people for a car I don 't want . As I 'm writing this I just received a call from Bill Schultz Chevrolet in Fort Pierce , FL and they have a black 2012 ZL1 in stock that they want to sell me . How should I reply to them ?
|
Snowcapped sunflowers drooped against the fence , while fallen aspen leaves bled their last scarlet drops into the cloak of white ; our burning bush , ablaze in fiery reds now subdued beneath winters first fall . It crept up on us and caught us unawares , basking in the blaze of autumn and then suddenly , you couldn 't see the forest for the snow . Life is like that … The spring of childhood seems never ending ; rosy , blooming hope , bursting with potential , all of life in front , sunny days ahead . Then summer 's tawny hot , full of infallible days and youthful exploits , beaches of firm skin and endless starry nights seeming to reach into infinity …… until the first day of autumn arrives and leaves her rusty trail of laugh lines gathering around eyes , and hearts a little wiser than before . Rich and colorful , she 's no fool this willow , robed in beauty and robust in her form . She 's tall and surrounded by saplings seeded down in previous summers spent . And then the snow falls , forest 's former glory , now blessed with winter 's aging crown . Brittle branches break and fall too easily and the chill sets in deep . Yet that depth is lit from within by a warmth of wisdom , a wealth of memories , a well of experience waiting to be tapped into . Just as the towering maple cradles golden syrup deep within it 's heart , nourishing and sweetening the one who will reach past gnarled trunk into the nurturing life within , so it is with those who embrace life 's final season . * The snow swirled on , ponderous flakes filling the gray canopy above , while final , brave , earth bound blooms drew petals close around fading faces , reminders of those hazy , happy days . I match my brother 's long strides on the way to the old post office , walking through the small paths that connect the main streets of the village . Over the tops of ancient walls , I see the asymmetrical rooftops of equally ancient houses and the tops of the shrubs and trees that fill their gardens . Gardens like these fed the imagination of my childhood and were often the theme of the stories I loved to read . In these stories , magical moonlit journeys into the past occured after midnight , and children met other children who lived hundreds of years ago . We emerge beside the village hall , in a part of the village that has buildings from every century since Tudor times . The street is abuzz with people running early morning errands . An elderly man , shopping bag in hand , stops in mock surprise at the sight of Rob , looks down at his watch and says , " It 's only half eight , " and Rob fills in the gap for him , " A bit early for the shock of seeing an ugly face like mine ? " and the man laughs and nods his head in agreement . Later we pass another friend of Robs who says it is time to , " Get a nice cup of tea down me neck . " Back at home , Rob goes through his morning routine of making sure that Mum is warm enough and is drinking enough , as well as giving little prompts to help her remember to do things she might forget . Mum occasionally takes command of us and Rob laughs and says , " Mum still puts her slipper down with a firm hand . Don 't be fooled by that bit of fur around her feet . " Banter , mock insults , humour and laughter ; they are ingrained into the culture here and they brighten the gray of the encroaching winter and the gloom of impending hard recessionary times . It is almost time to start my journey home to Canada after two weeks here in Alvechurch . I have not done much but " simply be " with Mum and Rob and enjoy a couple of visits from close friends , as well as read a little , reflect a lot , and knit a sweet little summer - green sweater for one of my granddaughters . These pleasures were decadently , deliciouPosted by Another long drive home up the highway from Irish dancing lessons together . One of my deep hearted daughters sits beside me as I navigate the darkness in the high winds of the approaching storm . She turns up the volume on her Sarah McLachlan CD and says " Mum , listen to this . It was a special song for me in Uganda last summer . It 's not a Christian song but for me it was like God 's voice speaking to me , and me speaking back to Him . " AnswerI will be the answerAt the end of the lineI will be there for youWhile you take the timeIn the burning of uncertaintyI will be your solid groundI will hold the balanceIf you can 't look downIf it takes my whole lifeI won 't break , I won 't bendIt will all be worth itWorth it in the endCause I can only tell you what I knowThat I need you in my lifeAnd when the stars have all gone outYou 'll still be burning so brightCast me gently into morningFor the night has been unkindTake me to a place so holyThat I can wash this from my mindThe memory of choosing not to fightCast me gently into morningFor the night has been unkindSarah McLachlanMy daughter shares how this song spoke to her in her darkest moment where she felt without hope , despite her relationship with the Lord . The song gave her hope , words to cling to , and helped her come into a morning of new trust in God 's direction for her life . She is still on that journey , growing closer to God through the darkness she has known , understanding her own depths more clearly , and in them finding that there is no darkness too dark for Him . Her experience of course highlights mine . I remember my struggles at her age , and reflect on how I walked away from trusting God for a time when I came into dark places , and chose lesser lights to lead me on , and then through going further into my darkness found His light again . I was so grateful that my daughter had used her pain to lead her deeper into God 's love , had had the courage to embrace her darkness and let God be the one to cast her " gently into morning . " I reflect how just that morning I found severalPosted by It 's funny what thoughts drop into your heart and mind when you take time to sit and listen . I was in our rocking chair , quiet by the woodstove on a cool morning , when all the children had left for school . I had a welcome space in time for contemplation and prayer . As I sat , listened and waited , a totally unexpected thought came , regarding a movie that Frank and I had recently watched . The movie is ' Contact " with Jodie Foster and Matthew McConaughey . In the story , Foster plays a woman who is obsessed with making contact with life forces outside of our earthly realm . She has lost both her parents at an early age and has deep wounds . She is well educated and supported by funding from various governmental agencies . The crisis takes place with contact happening , instructions for the making of some kind of travel machine being sent from the alien forces and Foster following through with all kinds of psuedo - support from scientists and government . In the end it is she who agrees to take the ride , to possibly sacrifice her life and find out who 's on the other end of the line . When she arrives in this other place , a land vibrant with beauty , surrounded by water , luminous with stars , planets and an atmosphere that you can touch with your hand , she is completely overwhelmed . But the grand finale is that a being comes along the beach toward her , and as he draws closer , she recognizes her Dad . She cries out and moves into his arms and they embrace , a child and father reunited after a lifetime apart . But as they communicate she realizes that it isn 't really him , but an other - wordly being , presenting itself in the form of her father . " We thought this might make things easier for you , " he said . The being had presented himself as her father , in order to make the transition smoother , in order to facilitate recognition , in order to connect in a way she would understand and feel secure in . And so they talked about the differences in their worlds and what it all meant , and she went back . The end of the story is insignifigant to this particular bPosted by Tall and sedate , the highest branches were bare on one side , while golden yellow banners hung sparsely on the other . Fall winds blew brisk , swirling leaves , dry and brown , across the grass . The ravine sloped gently on one side but steeply in the other direction . The Boyne wove it 's way east like a ribbon at the bottom of the valley . I found my way here to pray a while and salvage what was left of the day . The week had limped , me with a cold and scratchy throat , and a clogged main floor washroom that caused untold inconvenience . I post - poned my meetings with my Heavenly Father at 5 : 00 a . m . until cold 's clutch released its hold on my energy . I am still waiting for restored health and those special morning times . In fact , for most of the week I didn 't get up to meet with my Heavenly Father in the quiet house of sleeping children . Instead I stayed in bed until the twins joined me , usually just before 6 : 00 a . m . We snuggled and nestled in folds of comforters in the pre - dawn dark . One cuddled close , the other reached for my hair to twirl while he tucked his silky head under my chin . The time is sweet and precious and I am grateful for this little furlough . The gentle ease into the day together was good too . However , by Saturday the quiet morning time of renewing my mind before Him and exchanging His thoughts for mine and the filling of His love , were sorely missed . My intentions of finding another hour in the day for gentle communion never materialised . Snatched moments , although important and necessary , didn 't satisfy the thirst of my parched soul . I struggled with abiding in Him , therefore I feared I was bearing little fruit . Distractions these days are many and my morning time is a mainstay for my faith . So here I was late Saturday afternoon , soul - weary , physically depleted , and emotionally fragile , needing a time alone with Him in a quiet place . It was the twins birthday . I wanted to be cheerful and loving as we celebrated this milestone as a family . The preparations were ready in one sense . We had made a cake with whiPosted by " How is your dad ? " I asked my colleague . I had bumped into on the way to lunch . I knew his father was seriously ill , and had been praying for him . A few years ago , just after Christmas my brother called from England to say that my dad was in hospital . His body , once so strong , had finally let him down and he had collapsed with pneumonia . A nurse suggested I might want to be there , my boss said , " Go ! " and that night I was on a plane to England . Dad never came home from hospital and we weren 't able to communicate with him well . He was in an intensive care unit , hooked up to life support machines and sedated . I slept in his bedroom at home and looked for a sign of hope . Dad loved reading and poetry and on one of my recent visits , my friend Susan had sent him a book of poems by famous poets . Their faith in God was evident in the lines of their work , a fact he commented on negatively at the time . But on top of the bookcase in his room , that book was lying open where he left it ; he was obviously reading it before he collapsed . Dad died that year on January 22nd . He had time to make his peace with God and , I believe , from many conversations over the years , he knew the way . I took comfort in thinking of the thief on the cross , turning to Jesus in the last minutes of his life . It makes no difference after all , except to our own happiness , whether we discover God 's grace early or at the last second . " We fix our eyes not on what is seen , but on what is unseen . For what is seen is temporary , but what is unseen is spiritual . " 2 Corinthians 4 : 18There is a narrowing of the trail through the Collingwood Caves called " Fat Man 's Misery " . I remember very well the first time I went through . It was nerve wracking even then - some thirty years and at least thirty pounds ago . The rock walls of the large cavern come together to create a space so tight that hikers must literally squeeze themselves through the narrow opening to get to the other side . The rocks - cold , hard , and unyielding press in on either side . The natural instinct , strangely , is to push against them to help yourself through , but of course pushing against that massive limestone formation does absolutely no good . Those rocks ain 't gonna move no matter how hard you try ! The hiker 's body has no choice but to conform to the only space provided in order to get through to the other side . The experience back then brought me to a suddenly more complete understanding of the phrase " between a rock and a hard place " . Sometimes the circumstances of our lives feel as though they are bearing down on us from every side and are just as cold and hard and unyielding at those rocks in the cave . The tougher it gets on the outside , the tighter the squeeze , the more our hearts are reavealed to us and we see where is the work God has still to do and what areas of our lives we have yet to yield . I thank God for the path that at times becomes narrow , dark , cold , and unyielding . It is in those places of pressure from either side that we are faced with submitting to inner changes . In the wider places we can find ways to reason our way around things - avoiding responsibility is much easier - but it is the tight places , where the only choice is to retreat or press through , that the real work is done to conform us to the image of Christ . Ranting and railing and pushing against those circumstances will not do any more good than my pushing against the rock walls of that cave . Turning back Posted by Today in Alvechurch the autumn day is blustery with skies of stormy gray . With every gust of wind , more leaves fall , shaken loose from trees that are shedding their tawny fall dresses . I walk along the village streets , my feet rustling through a carpet of saffron yellow , russet and chestnut and I inhale the pleasantly pungent scent of autumn detritus . In the tree tops , an ocean of wind roars , sounding like a storm at sea . Leaves rain down , until recently hanging on , firmly attached to their woody homes , but there seems to come a moment for each leaf , when it falls without effort . Just a tug of the wind and the stem that harnessed it so firmly to the tree , lets go . In the small orchard at the bottom of our property at home in Canada ; I notice a similar moment when the ripening apples , pears and plums are ready for picking . Try to pick the fruit too soon and the stem holds it firmly to the branch . Nature does not rush her timing and it is not by any effort of the tree that fruit grows or leaves shake loose . The factors that determine the moment of falling leaves or ripening fruit are external for the most part . The environment ; wind , sun and rain , all make a difference . I can 't help but think of the parallel with the habits I sometimes despair of shaking off , and the new ones - the Bible calls them the fruit of the Spirit - that I long to acquire . I ponder the lesson of the trees and know that God alone can , and must , do the work in me . Some of the environmental factors ; spiritual disciplines they are sometimes called ; of prayer , solitude , reading God 's Word and living in an atmosphere that welcomes His Spirit ; all make the difference . In that environment he , the master gardener shapes my soul . Sam , Mum 's cat , meant the world to her . He was just a tiny kitten with extra large ears when he came from a barn to Mum 's home . White , with black markings dabbed randomly here and there , and with a strong streak of wild ; he had more than his share of fight in him . There was never any doubt whose cat he was ; he loved only one person ; Mum . Anyone else was fair game and he would take flying leaps onto legs as they passed , often drawing blood . We learned to be wary of stroking him , no matter how benign he appeared , as without warning he might scratch or bite . When Mum had a stroke in 2003 , the Helping Hands ladies started coming in . I worried about them unsuspectingly entering his domain and wrote a warning : " Do not touch the cat ; appearances are deceiving . " In spite of his fierce nature , Rob admired Sam and his great size and encouraged me to make a fuss of him . Somehow though , it felt counter - intuitive to make a fuss of a cat that would clamp his teeth onto my hand like a feline version of Jaws . No , Sam and I settled on a distant , mutually tolerant relationship , with the common bond of loving Mum . We knew that when Sam died , Mum would miss him terribly and I often prayed that he would live as long as she did . Recently it looked like that would not happen . He was 16 years old ; a good age in cat years . He was getting thinner and thinner , had lost a tooth , and he was losing all dignity with bodily functions . On Thursday last week , Rob talked it over with Mum and they agreed that it was time to make the hardest decision an animal 's friend ever has to make . Rob 's first got through by phone to a vet that was just about to close for the day and not flexible or helpful . Next he hit gold , a vet with a heart , who was compassionate , kind and gentle and said she would do what was needed . She demonstrated all of these qualities as she helped Sam go to sleep for the last time . As Mum asked them to , Rob and Tim brought him home afterwards so that she could stroke his still warm body and have a few moments to say a final goodbye to her faithful friend . John dug a hole beside the wall of Mum 's bedroom and buried Sam close as he could be to the head of her bed . Sam so intinsic to most of Mum 's routines . He slept at the foot of her bed , right on her hot water bottle . If we worried that he had a larger share of the bed than Mum , she would not hear of it . In the morning her first thought was to give him a morning treat and make sure his food dish was uncovered . She watched for his face at the see - through cat flap in the door opposite her couch . He never actually used it for getting in or out . Mum would see him and get up to walk across the room with her walker to let him in which was good exercise . It almost seemed as though Sam tried to hang on until I got here . The day after he died , I was on the way for a planned vacation with Mum . While nothing can fill his place in Mum 's life , it is such a blessing to be here for these two weeks in particular . Yesterday a card arrived in the mail . It was from the vet and it read : Dear Mrs . Cater and family , All of us at Southcrest Veterinary Centre xxx Thank you to the staff at Southcrest ; you are very special people , God bless you . Lamentations 3 : 23 . . . for his compassions never fail . They are new every morning ; great is your faithfulness . " Now we must fight " . Fighting words for a morning devotional speaker at a worship conference . But there she was , obedient and petite , small but mighty , giving forth the word the Lord gave her in much prayer before she came up from the U . S . to bless the many hundreds of worship leaders who gathered in Cambridge this past weekend for the Unite in Worship conference . Tricia Rhodes , recent author of Sacred Chaos , had a word for all who are being beleaguered by the three D 's : Discouragement , Defeat , and Despair . Using I Samuel 17 , the David and Goliath story , as her basis , Tricia powerfully spoke into the tired hearts of many who are struggling to maintain vision and remain hopeful in the midst of too many difficulties . Tricia sees the three D 's as an onslaught on the western church , a systematic undermining of Christians of all levels . Sharing from her own journey , she described her loss of dreams , her setting aside of the many promises and prophetic words that had been spoken over her life , and her deep pain over her son 's abandonment of his childhood faith . Tricia urged us to respond to the three D 's by fighting , as David fought Goliath . We are not to be intimidated by the size of the enemy , his taunts or his weapons . She gave three reasons to fight : first , because God 's worth demands it , secondly because our need requires it , and thirdly because our destiny dictates it . The honour of God 's name is at stake . We must fight , even if we don 't win , in order to honour God . If we don 't fight we will be defeated before we know it . We must fight because if we don 't we will not obtain what we need to do what we are called to do . And our destiny demands our fight because that is what will take us on to the new level of effectiveness and intimacy that is His constant desire for us . The battles of today are the victories of tomorrow . They are the preparation for our destiny . And it is our intimacy with God which will fuel our fight . That is where we will find our courage , our energy , our strength . He will be the source of our joy to kePosted by This beautiful piece on mercy is from Shakespeare 's 1600 play , The Merchant of Venice , when Portia speaks to Shylock in Act IV , Scene I . The Quality of Mercy The quality of mercy is not strained . It droppeth as the gentle rain from heavenUpon the place beneath . It is twice blest : It blesseth him that gives and him that takes . Tis mightiest in the mightiest ; it becomesThe throned monarch better than his crown . His scepter shows the force of temporal power , The attribute to awe and majesty , Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings . But mercy is above this sceptered sway ; It is enthroned in the hearts of kings ; It is an attribute of God himself ; And earthly power doth then show like God ' sWhen mercy seasons justice . Mercy brings blessing . He told me that he 'd been harboring resentment for about two and a half months , and in looking back , that 's when the trouble started . Everything in our lives started to unravel . Then last night we talked about how unforgiveness can prevent our fellowship with God ; how we are supposed to leave our gift at the alter and go , and make things right with our brother , and then with God . A while later he came to me and told me that he 'd forgiven . I felt an immediate release in my spirit and a great relief at his willingness to do what is right . Last night we went to bed and for the first time in those two and a half months , Nicky slept through the night . Coincidence ? We 'll see . Only time will tell . But even the Lord 's prayer substantiates the truth , " . . . forgive us our trespasses , as we forgive those who trespass against us . . . " Forgive us . . . as . . . similarly to . . . in the same way . If this is the case , then mercy has not been flowing in our home , because God tells us clearly thatthe way we judge others is the way we will be judged . We set the standard for the mercy that falls . Is there a drought , a fine mist , a slight drizzle , a steady rain , or a refreshing , cleansing downpour . Surely He has given enough grace to share . As we sit in quiet and really listen to the heart of the One who has given all , as He prompts uAngcat Sometimes it comes on me like a tidal wave . Too many needs , simultaneously . Like a cork on a fine champagne bottle , I feel like I may pop . Lunch time and dinner time are the usual bubbling moments . The twins with drooping eyes , are clinging to my legs and whining , " Uppy , uppy , I want cuddle . I want blankie . " The table is set with seven empty plates that match equal numbers of empty tummies . The two oldest children are racing to the office to put away books , yelping and scuffling over who 'll get theirs in first . I 'm dictating the last of the spelling words and trying to place frozen bagels on a cookie sheet for unthawing . The phone rings . I 'm about to say , " Let the answering machine get it . " Instead , I hear pattering feet and silence before , " Mom , it 's for you ! " As I scoop up one toddler and shuffle to the phone with the other clinging to one leg , the dryer buzzes , signaling nap - time blankets are done . I take a breath . About now I have to remind myself to breathe . I glance at Duplos , Fisher - Price farm animals , and Matchbox cars strewn about the family room floor . On the phone , a librarian informs me that books I have ordered are in . Wet training pants remind me of two piles of clean laundry waiting for me on the downstairs couches . So I acknowledge my anger . I know it 's telling me that I 'm doing more than what I am comfortably able to accomplish at one time . Too often I have lashed out , wielding my words like thrusts of a sword or raising my voice as if to drown out demands . I have yelled somewhat inanely , " Stop it " to a two - year - old and have meted out excessive consequences to the older children . Afterwards I have regrets . When the cherubs are snuggled in their beds and I look at their sweet innocent faces , when the day is done , I wished I had handled these tidal wave moments differently . I am grateful to learn that peace comes from within . Love is not easily provoked or irritated . I chose to be peaceable , not turbulent . I desire that my responses give no offense . I can find contentment and quiet my spirit , even in thPosted by Hannah is playing , " You are altogether Worthy " on the piano and singing along with it . As she sings , " You 'll never know how much it cost , to see my sin upon the cross " , I realize the truth in those words . We 'll never know His agony , His separation from His Father , and the intensity of His torment and pain . We 'll never know what He endured for us . We experience pain and trial on this earth on such a small scale . Even our darkest hour and deepest grief cannot be compared to His . We are consumed sometimes with our pain and yet we only share a portion of His . Hannah continues to sing and play and my soul lifts in worship as she does . " So here I am to bow down , Here I am to worship , Here I am to say that You are my God . . . Open my eyes and let me see . " So here we are Lord . The bruised and broken kneeling before you . We come to you thirsty . Many are parched . A neighbour mom raising children on her own , her job now redundent . They found a spot for her on the evening shift and weekends in a group home . She cries , " When do I see my children ? " Mendelt Hoekstra loses his wife to cancer last year and he carries on , crying out in His lonliness and grief as he raises their three dutch blond children , six years old and under , on his own . A cousin in New Jersey lies in her bed , blinking her words to her family as ALS ravages her body . She hasn 't walked or hugged or eaten in over a year . Open my eyes and let me see , Lord . Jesus said , " These things I have spoken to you , that in me you may have peace . In the world you have tribulation , but take courage ; I have overcome the world . " John 16 : 33 NASV We are pilgrims here . Sojourners . This world is not our home . When we suffer here , as hard as it is , it will not last . We will be made like Him . We do not suffer in vain . " Consider it all joy , my brethren , when you encounter various trials , knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance . And let endurance have its perfect result , that you may be perfect and complete , lacking in nothing . " James 1 : 2 - 4 NASVYet we cry , we bleed and our angPosted by Yesterday started with a perfect MacIntosh apple morning - crisp , and sweet . A bite of cold was in the air and a thick coating of frost on my windshield . I cleared a porthole and rolled slowly down the laneway past the row of old maples clothed in autumn 's golden glory , turned onto the main road , and revved into my day . My mission for this last work day of the week was a simple one - pick up Belinda ( my direct supervisor as well as being a dear friend and blog - mate ) and deliver us to Orillia in one piece . Once there , we would have the privilege of sitting in on a one - day , power packed leadership training simulcast called " Lead Like Jesus " , along with many of our co - workers and others in the Christian community . It was a day of challenge and inspiration , with a solid dose of good , plain , fun mixed in . We left the gathering a bit early so Belinda would have time to get home , tie up a few loose ends ( like ' packing ' for instance ! ) before heading off to the airport for two weeks in England with her Mum and brother . We listened to one person after another of proven influence as they expounded on the principles of " Leading Like Jesus " . Jesus was clearly the most influential leader of all time . The day was prefaced by these words : If you ever attempt to influence the thinking , behaviour , or development of someone in your family , home , church or your community , then you are " a leader " . Leaderhip , Jesus - style , is all about " serving others " - the laying down of ego and personal agenda in order to bring out the best in those who occupy your sphere of infuence . Leadership has little to do with position and everything to do with attitude , so whether or not one has the " office " of a leader does not determine how much influence they will have . I remember learning that I could lead worship , for instance , from the back row - that my response to God in any given situation - can be an example , an inspiration and a challenge to the attitudes of those all around me and there can be a ripple effect of hearts - hearts that can be opened a Posted by This week has been a bit wild . Leaving for two weeks in England means working hard in advance to tie up as many loose ends as possible at work . Last week it felt as if we were all in overdrive and a couple of us got sick , Ang 's husband Frank , who I work with , being one of them . On Thursday , just before he succumbed to a bad strep throat and finally gave in to the thing that had been creeping up on him , his final words were , " Belinda there 's a movie you have to watch called Touching the Void . " I wrote the title down in pencil on a napkin . I pay attention to a man who sounds like he 's uttering his final words and besides , Frank can always be relied upon as a source of good movie recommendations . On Friday I arrived home from work at 7 . 00 - ish , to find our stand up freezer door ajar and it was obvious that it had been so for awhile because everything in the door and at the front of the shelves was well into thaw mode . I groaned at the sight of a big puddle on the floor . Drastic action was needed immediately . I hate wasting food , but I hate the thought of food poisoning even more , so I began to rescue what I could , but threw out what couldn 't be salvaged . The next day I decided to thaw out the freezer completely and really sort out what needed to go . Yikes ! I found food from 2003 in there . I was grateful for the fact that our recycling now includes a green box for organic waste . I really did my bit this week with my freezer purge . By the end of Saturday though , it was a thing of beauty ; clean , pristine even , and containing only edible food . That evening I remembered Frank 's movie recommendation and , feeling the need to zone out with something relaxing , I found the napkin and peered at my pencil hieroglyphics of a couple of days back . I was pretty sure it said , Touching the Void , and when I asked at the video store , they recognized it and walked me over to the Action Movie section . " Action ? " I thought , " Well , that means Paul will enjoy it too . " The movie turned out to be an amazing PBS documentary about two British mountain cPosted by Petition ~ Sue . C . BoyntonLord , let me learn from this old treethat there is dignity in loneliness , Beauty in broken branches , Strength in twisted , storm - beaten torso . Help me to see that underneathIf roots go deep enoughNo storms can wreck the lifethat from them reaches to the sky . Help me to remember the important thing , To standWhere God has placed me . Sometimes I want to run . Withdraw . Flee to email , a book , a conversation , a task . Anythingbut stay and deal with the uncomfortable . It is hard to tarry and linger when God chastens . Much of me is breaking for Him . It hurts . My self must fall away so I can abide more fully in Him . Lately my Heavenly Father has been showing me part of my character that is sin . Another part . He is exposing a spirit of criticism that rears its head within me . When I see it from His eyes , I see its ugliness , the damage it causes , and the source from which it comes . I know He prunes the branches in my life that bear no fruit and this is one . It deters the work He wants to do in me and through me . Sometimes I run from Him or buck against His discipline . Sometimes I even complain . I am learning though . This time , I yield to him . I am saddened by the sin I see in me . I grieve with Him . I confess it , and feel His love flood through me . I look for the good , the beautiful that He created within the other . Why do I pause and dwell on such a little , petty thing ? I am a broken one , a bruised one . Sometimes my eyes are on my smallness , not His greatness . He calls us to abide in Him . His soft and gentle voice whispers into my heart . " Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit , He takes away ; and every branch that bears fruit , He prunes it that it may bear more fruit . . . . Abide in Me , and I in you . As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself , unless it abides in the vine , so neither can you , unless you abide in Me . " " I am the vine , you are the branches ; he who abides in me , and I in him , he bears much fruit ; for apart from Me you can do nothing . " John 15 : 2 , 4 NASVFor His glory , God must have broken things . HPosted by What does it take to stay alive ? I remember lying awake at nights in Uganda , listening to gunfire across the valley , knowing it was the night watchman at the water plant firing at potential intruders . After our armed robbery I never slept well . Unlike the water plant , we did not have an armed guard . We just had a " watchman " who was really a gardener whose living quarters were near the gate so that he could respond if there was a problem . Our intruders found their way around him when they entered our compound early one evening , in the darkness that had fallen like a curtain at 6 : 30 p . m . That night we joined the ranks of many foreigners in the country who were mistakenly assumed to have lots of money . We were saved by the fact that we did have quite a bit of cash ready to pay our project workers the next day , by the bark of our dog , and likely by my husband 's cool head , our own prayers , and the sheer need of guilty parties to escape before they would lose what they gained by their clever robbery . That was not the only time we escaped with our lives . When we lost ten times that amount of money to a trusted Christian employee who betrayed us when we were back in Canada for a much needed break , we were considered fortunate to leave the country finally with our lives and our most treasured possessions , mostly books . He did not take being fired in a Christian spirit , and launched a hate campaign against us , fuelling more opposition to our work and presence . We felt it was time to leave . The safety of our children was at stake , and the joy in our work . Yes , those events were Satan 's work . How else could we see them ? Satan is a liar and a thief . Yet he is often God 's unpaid servant . A few years later we were glad that these forces had brought us back to our own country . God had other things to do in our lives . Here in Canada , I don 't lie awake at night listening to gunfire in our peaceful town . I don 't worry that at any moment we might have another armed robbery , or that someone we have trusted will rob and cheat us . Yet I hPosted by He sat on the couch yesterday evening , rocking gently . Worship music played on Life 100 . 3 . His eyes were closed and I said " Nicky , don 't go to sleep now honey , it 's not time . " He replied " I 'm not Mommy , I 'm just prayin ' for Jesus . " " Oh , " I whispered out , " you 're worshipping ? " , and he nodded " Yes , Mom , I 'm asking Jesus to come down here in our house . " I tiptoed quietly upstairs to my sick husband and told him of our conversation . A busy weekend , a little fragmented , as Frank had been very sick , unable to participate in any way in family life or festivities with relatives , but we carried on . Thankfulness can be a choice , but after Nicky prayed , little boy , quiet soul on the couch , my heart softly soared on the wings of hope and gratitude . Jesus did come down in our house , to remind of thankfulness , for a heart of appreciation , that warm sense of rightness that comes from knowing in the deepest sense , the blessing and presence of God in all circumstances . It 's too easy to be moved to murmuring , to laud the lack of sleep , wallow under pressure and excuse away bad behavior . But all of those come out of a heart that isn 't thankful , that doesn 't know or trust that His Will is woven into all we experience , and that if we will , we can experience Him in all things . So I am thankful . . . ~ for Spirit led prayers on the couch ~ for autumn colors that set the view ablaze as we walked this afternoon ~ for my husband who is starting to recover from the awful bug that bit him , and who was a trooper through it all ~ for children who screeched and laughed and ran ' till we all couldn 't drag in another breath , during our game of capture the flag ~ for fleet footed children who I love to watch as they tear up the turf and the wind flattens hair back along sweaty heads , eyes sparkling as they dodge and dash ~ for my sisters and brothers we gathered with yesterday , warm familiar hugs , silliness and giggles , walks in the fresh fallness , a feast shared , good byes said under a canopy of black as little ones settled with heavy eyes into waiting vehicles ~ for my MPosted by Note to all who are expecting a post from Joyful today ; we switched days and Joyful will be posting on Thursday morning when I ( Belinda ) would normally post . Happy Thanksgiving dear faithful readers . I worked away in my kitchen all afternoon preparing for our familyThanksgiving dinner on Monday . I peeled apples ; cooked and mashed sweet potatoes with sherry , butter , orange juice and sugar ; and made the pastry for pumpkin , apple and plum pies . Some I baked , others I tucked away in the freezer unbaked for some future feast . I love family gatherings . They are an excuse to make real food the old fashioned way . Feeding people nourishes something deep in my soul . Finding the recipe for a plum tart was perfect . A bag of plums from one of our trees needed to be used up and I added a couple of apples to make it enough . It was the final pie to go in the oven . The kitchen was hot in spite of the overhead fan , and my feet tingled with tiredness . I glanced out of the window periodically as I worked against the fading light of what had been a glorious fall day . I hoped there would be time tonight . So many busy days of late , as the evenings have drawn in earlier and earlier , I have looked longingly at my golden friend with the smiling face and wagging tail , and wished I could beat the fading light and dash out into the evening with him , only to find that suddenly it was dark and too late . Another opportunity lost . But tonight , although the dusk was gathering fast , to my joy , I knew could just make it . I left Paul in charge of the pie , with 35 minutes to go before the timer was due to go off , and Molson and I were off ! The cool air caressed my arms and face , refreshing and envigorating after the heat of the kitchen . Layers of golden leaves filled the ditches , with their unmistakable , distinct smell of decay , one of the signature scents of fall . The night was rapidly approaching , and up above hung a butter - pat moon , melting in a golden circle , over a dark blue plate sky . To my surprise I could hear chirping insects in the fields and ditchPosted by RaindropsSnowflakesGrains of sand . . . small things all , but mighty when joined , one to another . And so it is with our secret battles , one way or another . We are either taking small steps in one direction or the other , and sometimes both directions in one day . Amy Carmichael writes in the October 10 reading in Edges of His Ways . . . step by step ; by little acts of will , little denials of self , little inward victories ; by faithfulness in very little things they became what they are . . . . There is no sudden triumph , no spiritual maturity that is the work of a moment . So let us all take courage . . . Many rain drops form a torrent ; tiny feathery snowflakes can bring a busy city to a grinding halt , and vast deserts are made of many tiny , grains of sand . There is power in small things when added together . I want to learn to live in minute sized compartments . I can do almost anything for a minute : Yield my will to God for a minute ; draw on his strength for a minute ; pray for a minute . Each day is a mix of good choices and bad and we normally just hope that if they were weighed on a scale , it would tip in the direction of the good . But that is just the " natural " way , or the way of the flesh . The way of the spirit is to be conscious moment by moment of the availabality of God 's power ; his life ; to draw on and be lived in and through us . That , I think , is the way to true victory and transformation . I am working on mastering The Art of the Minute - - the art of , " practicing his presence , " as Brother Lawrence did over three hundred years ago ; being aware of , and resting and trusting in , his presence . Ephesians 3 : 14 - 21 ( New Century Version ) New Century Version ( NCV ) The Holy Bible , New Century Version ® . Copyright © 2005 by Thomas Nelson , Inc . The Love of Christ14 So I bow in prayer before the Father15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth gets its true name . 16 I ask the Father in his great glory to give you the power to be strong inwardly through his Spirit . 17 I pray that Christ will live in your hearts by faith and that your life will be Posted by Sometimes God just blows me away . Tonight I came in from work feeling emotionally numb . There were so many things on my mind that could have potentially dragged me down that I chose instead to try not to think at all . I have been finding that much safer of late than exploring such fickle and flighty things as my feelings . As I stepped into the kitchen , I saw a little pile of mail . It 's funny how in these days of email and cheap long distance that my heart still leaps with hope at the sight of a pile of stamped envelopes freshly brought in from our rural mailbox . Well , there could be something in there for me ! Maybe even something handwritten and personal . It 's possible ! I flipped through the pile and there , to my great delight , was my dear sister Brenda 's handwriting on a large brown envelope that was addressed to ME ! Bless her heart . I tore it open to find a home - made CD along with another envelope - this time a white one . On it was written in scarlet , the words , " Susan precious lily " . ( Susan means " lily " and God used that meaning at one point in my life - and with Brenda 's help facilitating - to impress profoundly on my deeply wounded heart that he is the author and protector of my identity - that though it had been badly damaged - even fractured - in my youth , its essence had been kept safe and hidden in Him . With that understanding came the beginning of a great healing and I had been able to start the long and slow process that continues to this day - of receiving my identity back from Him , where it had been safely kept . Inside the white envelope I found the beautiful photoghraph of a little waterfall flowing gracefully over rocks into a pond covered with lily pads . In the pond were several yellow lilies , their petals curved in on themselves . But in the center of the stream , near the bottom of the waterfall is one single white lily in full and glorious bloom . Inside the photo - card was a note explaining the CD and ended with a postscpript that was both a blessing and encouragement . It was so perfectly suited to wPosted by Dear Friends , This morning I dipped into the archives to share some words of wisdom that blessed me . I hope that they are a blessing to you today ! 1 John 4 : 10 ( New International Version ) 10This is love : not that we loved God , but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins . I love my job - - and one of the things I love most is meeting so many interesting people and hearing their stories . Occasionally someone tosses out more words of wisdom in half an hour than their share and I am left trying hard to write fast . Yesterday I met a man who touched me with his obvious love of God . You could tell he knew him well and walked closely with him . He said : God can use anyone - - you don 't have to be a genius to be used by God . On stress : In life you add and you delete . If you have a lawn mower that 's not working , you get rid of it . Not people - - you don 't get rid of people - - but there 's answers for stress . On finding God : Once I heard the gospel - - the good news that Jesus saves - - no " buts " attached - - I ran up to the front . I said to the preacher - - shut up - - don 't say no more - - you got me ! On tithing : That 's peanuts . I say to God - - whatever you want - - you got me . On baptism : Just get me there ! He said that we are like a hose and God 's the source - - we 're hooked up to the source . That source is inexhaustible . Prayer : Dear Lord , It 's a foretaste of Heaven , meeting a new brother or sister in Christ and feeling an instant connection - - a kindred spirit . Thank you and please bless him as he blessed me . Yesterday was Yom Kippur , the Day of Atonement , a time of reflection and cleansing ; a day of fasting and trying to correct failings . As Jewish friends prepared for this day , I too , reflected on needed change . I like reading a blog called Beneath the Wings , written by a woman living in Israel . She wrote last week , " Our sages tell us that true repentance is being faced with the same situation you failed in , and doing properly the next time . " I 've been thinking about that ; trying to be conscious when I faced those moments in which I habitually fail , to , " do properly , " or " differently , " this time . It helps to think of needed change that way . Susan and I were talking about that definition of true repentance , and she said , " Yes , that 's actually the opposite of the well known definition of insanity , ' Doing the same thing and expecting a different result . " I had some thoughts on prerequisites for change : First , face the truth of whatever pattern of behaviour is tripping you up . Wearing a girdle two sizes too small is more comfortable than doing this . I heard someone say this week that learning never occurs in comfort . I 've found that to be true . Lay down the temptation to justify , excuse or blame others . There is no way forward unless you do . Respond to the truth with confession and repentance , turning away from the past and towards a different reality with new patterns . Think through , with the help of the Holy Spirit , whatever part you had in the failure and ask God to help by living his life through you . He will . Watchman Nee writes that all lasting change is made in us by God , as we , " Walk in the Spirit and not in the flesh , " ( Galatians 5 : 16 ) He says that all self effort is futile and is a falling into the old pattern of living under the law . I 'm so glad it is not about trying harder , but about reflection , taking responsibility , prayer , and God 's life in us being lived out in new ways . I have a need for God 's life to transform mine in so many areas and these I hold up to him today : Selfish overspending - - I ask for wise stewardshipOvPosted by I have waited a long time for this opportunity . I enter the class , excited by the venue , the well organized shelves stocked with beautiful ware , the clean floor , the good lighting , the ten wheels set out for this week of teaching from a master potter . What a privilege . I have the time and money to do this , to finally learn if I can make pots on a wheel . I choose one that is a little higher , for my back , and a little slower , to help me build my confidence slowly . The master potter and his wife are gracious and firm , gentle and wise . They say just enough , but the right thing . They demonstrate and they correct , they encourage and they instruct . They smile and laugh , they are humble and confident , they make tea at just the right moment , in one of the beautiful huge teapots that sells for well over a hundred dollars . It seems like they are perfect . I take my time , intent on not letting the clay fly off the wheel when I try to centre it . The woman next to me tells me not to worry if it does - that 's what happened to her the first time . Somehow , at this season in my life , I take it slowly . Maybe I wouldn 't have done that before . But life 's hard lessons have chastened and humbled my hands . I welcome the opportunity to take my time , to take all the time I need to make this work . I am rewarded for my patience . I produce some reasonable pots for my first lesson . I am encouraged by the teachers that there is potential for big pots because my pots have " lots of air " in them . I learn that I have a tendency to make them a little dry . I know there are many lessons to come . But I am excited . The second night I feel more discouraged . Most of my pots are marred in one way or another in my hands . I have trouble centering , and need lots more guidance and input . " Keep your hands steady and true " , they say . " Slow down the wheel when your pot is getting bigger . " So much to remember . So many delicate manouvers . The tiniest abrupt lift of my hands throws the pot off centre , and it 's a throwaway . I get to feel a little of how God works in our lPosted by The day was calling , sunshine caressing the autumn air with warmth , and trees in their russet shades of dress beckoning us to come and walk . We parked and children tumbled from the van , skipping and dashing down the path towards the embrace of waiting meadow . Laughing they cast themselves into tall grasses , tassle topped , golden grass , and disappeared , arms flung askew in the joy of being lost in fall 's cloak . We chuckled and chased , and then the announcement came from smallest of boys " I have to go poo , " he said . There was no delaying the inevitable , so Frank took him home ( five minutes away ) with agreements to meet up a little later , somewhere in the vicinity of a field or tree . There are somethings you can do in the bush . . . not this one . So they left , and three children and I chose our path and gamboled on . We strolled and ran , up and down a hilly place and then the path curved into the wood . Tall shrubbery on either side obscured the way a little and still heavy foliage on trees dappled the light into patches and darkness . I felt a little hand in mind and knew my daughter close to me . " I want to wait for Daddy , " she softly said , a little nervous in this unfamiliar place . There 's something about Daddy beside us that feels safe . He 's strong and steady . The boys had hurtled on ahead and were playing a game of knights and swords , routing out the ogres that were sure to be lurking amongst the shadows . " We 're fine " , I assured her , " Look at how the light peeks through the trees and makes the plants and ground all speckled and splashed . It 's dark here , but it 's bright just up there . " She still clung to me tightly , but walked along , glancing here and there . The trail did wind deeper and deeper into the wood , away from where the cars were parked . We hadn 't gone this way before and I wondered how Frank would find us later . I noticed the foliage leaning into the path , that it had a red stem and three leaves and instantly thought " Great , poison ivy . " So I cautioned all the children not to touch , and knew they 'd be fine otherwise as Posted by How to Get Over It and Finally Get Things Done . At work , you feel stuck in the deepest rut of all time . You try to move forward but the groove is deep and . . . By Lorianne Dueck The morning sunlight blazed through Confederation Park . The tulip petals glowed . We were on our way to pray . Over 400 men and women me . . . Wow , it was not my intention to disappear from the blog for so long ! I tell you , this parenting gig isn 't easy . It just swallows me up at times . March and . . . The internet gives us a great opportunity to broadcast messages far and wide . But without back - and - forth and face - to - face , we lose a lot of nuance . We ne . . .
|
It may be work , it may be play , it may be near , it may be away . So here is the challenge - to shoot and post one photograph a day on this site . These photographs are a kind of diary of things I find interesting . I am also thinking that there will be days when I am unable to shoot , so on those infrequent occasions , I will post a photograph done on another day , but one that still feels important to me . - Ken Spencer I was finishing up breakfast at the dining table , when I looked over at Vince and saw him reading the Sunday paper . He was engrossed in his reading , and I realized that there was wonderful light on his face - from the side , and the subtle shadows on the front of the face were perfect . Where is my camera ? Across the room , on the chest of drawers . I didn 't want to ruin the moment , so then I thought of my cellphone in my pocket . I got it out , switched to Hipstamatic , and made this one frame . It seems perfect . We walked up to Sea Cliff today because it was a gorgeous day , with blue sky and sunshine , and a temperature of 56 degrees - it almost felt like Spring for the first time . I am tired of grey skies and rain and snow flurries . Anyhow we walked to Memorial Park which overlooks Long Island Sound . And what did we fine ? A whole collection of cyclists from Queens , out on a 50 mile ride , AND . . . The Easter Bunny ! So we waited while the cyclists had their pictures taken with the bunny , and then we had our picture taken with him as well . This sculpture is called " Shaul " by the sculptor Boaz Vaadia and was made in 1986 . I think that it is a incredibly creative sculpture . Because it is so simple in concept - a human form made of piled up slate , or " bluestone . " I am stunned by the brilliance of the concept . I guess that 's the point of really creative thought - that it can be simple , and yet somehow profound . Click on the image to see it in more detail . I have photographed this stairway before , on February 23 , to be exact . That picture shows the spiral nature of this three story stairway . So I figured I had the best picture . So imagine my surprise when I walked out of one of the gallery rooms and saw this ! A completely different way of seeing the same stairs . The first photograph is more dramatic , I think , but I love being reminded that there is more than one way to see something . There is a new exhibition at the Nassau County Museum of Art . While wandering through the various galleries , I saw this . I was looking at the painting on the foreground wall , and then noticed the light coming through the door from the previous gallery . I like that I can see another painting and the window as well . I really like the sense of depth from this - layers and layers of depth . But it is really about the light . The exhibit , by the was is a re - examination of abstract expressionism . I spent a lot of time examining the paintings in the exhibit because this style of painting doesn 't touch me as easily as other more representative styles . There were some amazing paintings , though . This is a nice story . Kathy works evenings several nights a week , seeing clients . She is usually done by 9PM . At about 9 PM on some nights , I will look into the dining room from the living room , and realize that the two kitties have gotten up on the table , and they are sitting there , looking out the window , patiently waiting for her car to arrive in the driveway ! It is amazing to me how they have a sense of time , and know when she is due home . I just find that amazing , and of course , wonderful . They 're so cute aren 't they ? This is a real life dinosaur , believe it or not . His name is Dick and he and I were work colleagues for about 35 years . The amazing thing about Dick was that until the day he retired , he continued to learn and continued to be completely engaged in his work . Shortly after he retired , he decided to put together a group of mostly retired press photographers , and we meet once a month at a diner , and we have breakfast together . It 's a really nice gathering in that we get to stay in touch with friends , and we get to talk face - to - face . That 's just like being on the internet , but different ! Here he is talking to Deborah who was another colleague in the photo department . Today was Palm Sunday - a very special day in the Church calendar . So the service begins with a blessing of the palms everyone was given when entering the church . And then the procession begins while everyone in the congregation sings and waves their palms as the Priest , altar servers , lectors and eucharistic ministers make their way to the altar and the continuation of the Mass . It is a always a joyous day . I saw this the other day during one of my afternoon walks . The scene is right next to the old power plant . I am not sure what I saw first - perhaps the gently curving line of the oil boom in the water . But I liked the way that line paralleled the shoreline . Then I noticed the short vertical line of the high tension tower . Then I saw the faint lines of the high voltage wires against the gray sky with the bright glow of the sun . I thought it made a picture . I dunno , what do you think ? You will have to click on it to make it larger to see more details . Between the years of 1916 - 1920 a couple built a summer home on Long Island . The mansion has eighty seven rooms , and looks like a medieval castle . There is stunning architectural detail everywhere and beautiful carvings in the marble . In 1937 they donated the facility to the Jesuits and it has been used as a retreat center since the 1960 's . Unfortunately , it is too expensive to keep up , and is now for sale . It may be kept as it is , or maybe the building will be torn down so that modern homes can be built on the property instead . It would be a terrible shame to loose this bit of history on Long Island 's Gold Coast . This sounds like the start of a blonde joke , doesn 't it ? But it 's not - I just thought it would be funny to write it that way . I was walking up Fifth Avenue on the way to the Metropolitan Museum of Art the other day , and suddenly I noticed this two women walking ahead of me . What made them stand out for me was that the color of their hair was the same , and that they both had black coats and black hats , which made their hair stand out even more . I probably looked like some weirdo guy following them for a block or two while shooting ! Lucky I didn 't get arrested . I came home from my astronomy meeting tonight , and after parking the car , stood and looked up at this . A light was on in the bedroom window , and a first quarter moon was over the roof of the house . And scudding clouds were hiding and revealing the moon . So I set up the NEW camera on a tripod and started making time exposures . Only thing was , the house was all in shadow . So I got a small LED flashlight out of the car , and during the long exposure , quickly swept the flashlight over the side of the house , so you can see more detail , and it makes the house just a bit blue . Have I mentioned how much I love going to New York ? I am sure I have , but every time I go there I see photographs everywhere I look . It 's enough to make your head spin . Today was gray and rainy , and I walked 20 blocks from 59th street up to the Metropolitan Museum of Art at 79th street , photographing all the way . How much fun is that ! I really like the arrangement of all the umbrellas within the frame . He 's doing it again ! Driving and taking pictures ! Don 't worry , it 's OK . The roads had some snow on them , so I was driving VERY slowly . . . This is the back road we take down to church every sunday , and I had a class there tonight , so snow or no snow , I drove down . What was really cool is , that for winter , this trip was always in the dark . Now that daylight savings time has arrived , I am driving down at dusk . With snow starting to fall , the road had a kind of spooky quality , and the blue light of dusk just added to the feel . I love the orange light above the center of the road . It seems mysterious , but is only a yellow caution light at an intersection . I was away when we had the last big snowfall - about eight inches around here . Several days later I returned home and some of it had melted , but the side yard and garden were still covered with snow . Late one afternoon the sun was low and the shadows were long . And a shaft of sunlight was skimming the snow in the yard , and it illuminated the stone angel that lives in our garden . She seems so alone . This is such a beautiful image seen larger . Please click on it . The weather was strange today - there were snow flurries that started and stopped , and then some freezing stuff , then some rain , then more snow flurries . It was all delicate enough that it clung to the branches of my magic tree . I have photographed this tree with snow on it , and after an ice storm , but it never quite looked like this . One thing I did , because of the house and the car in the background , was to shoot this with the lens aperture " wide open " meaning that the focus would only be in a narrow area - only some of the branches in the foreground are in sharp focus . In late 2011 the Vanderbilt Planetarium closed for renovations . They completely renovated the building and dug a giant hole in the middle of the room . The hole was for a brand new state - of - the - art planetarium projector which retracts into the floor . Last night I was invited to the reopening of the Vanderbilt , and the facility is stunning . Brand new comfortable seats , and an incredible Konica - Minolta projector makes the sky come alive inside the dome . The control system looks like the flight deck of a 747 aircraft . The projector is the ball in the bottom center of the photograph , and you can see this amazingly detailed recreation of traveling through the Milky Way . I know you are all dying to actually see my new camera , right ? Well , OK , so you 're not . But I wanted to show you how nice the camera looks . But the MAIN reason I am posting this picture is so that I can tell you what my good friend Chuck wrote me when he found out I bought a new camera : " Thanks for taking the time to tell me all about the new camera . I 'm glad you 're getting it . Now maybe you can take some GOOD photos . : ^ ) I 'm tired of seeing such poor quality from your other cameras . " He is so funny , isn 't he ! I bought a new camera ! It is a Canon 6D . I bought it because it is a full - frame camera , and because it is 5 years newer than my Nikon D300 , it has a much more modern chip and processor . This is crazy , but the ISO goes as high as 12 , 500 and above ! That 's nuts , but I can 't wait to try it . The main thing is that when I shoot at 3200 or 6400 the images should have a lot less noise . You will all be glad to know that this camera is " Photo Dude Approved ! " Of course it will take me a week to begin to learn all of the cool things it does . The photograph is of the camera still in its box , inside the shipping box . I loved the view from THIS hotel room ! While at the Northern Short Course my room was on the 8th floor , with a front - row seat to all the goings on at Newark Liberty International Airport . The aircraft would be parked there most of the day , and when I got up in the morning they were gone , only to reappear later on . Apparently this is a storage area away from the gates , and I am guessing that they were used for transcontinental night flights . And the containerized cargo cranes in the background are just stunning structures , aren 't they ? They are at the Port of Newark , right across the road from the far side of the airport . The telephoto lens compresses everything , making the cranes seem much closer than they are . This may be the best hotel room view I have ever had anywhere ! I have posted a slightly larger image , so please click on it to see it in more detail . These two guys are in one room , at one end of the building where the conference was . On the left is the prize winning photographer J . Kyle Keener who worked for the Philadelphia Enquirer , and then was the director of photography for the Detroit Free Press . On the right is Alan Spearman , an Emmy Award - winning filmmaker and photojournalist . Alan created the video " As I Am " which you can see on Vimeo . Man , I swear , that with both of these heavyweights in the same room at the same end of the building , the building tilted ! Both of them gave stunning presentations at the conference . If you wonder why the photograph is in black & white , it 's because the walls of the conference room were a sickly green , and the color version of this looked awful ! I don 't have all the details exactly correct here - I didn 't do a good job of reporting . Every night at the conference photographers show multimedia projects - either slideshows or video productions to anyone who wants to be in the audience , and then members of the audience are are allowed to offer constructive criticism . This young woman is a high school student , and I think she is from Washington , DC . She came to the conference with two other students - seen on her left and right . She put together an audio slideshow to educate people about the dangers of bullying - she took all the photographs and recorded the audio track . . She did a stunning job - it was a brilliant production that was riveting to watch , and a powerful lesson about the hazards of bullying . Here she is listening to some comments by one of the audience members . She is one talented young woman . Posted by There were two workshops on lighting for photographers and I went to both of them . In this one , after a slideshow of photographs were shown demonstrating various lighting techniques , the presenter set up two lights on stands and picked one person out of the audience with a camera , and another person to be the subject , then he watched as the photographer arranged the lights and took some portraits . Here he is watching the photographer at work , then we got to see the results . I come to the Northern Short Course in Photojournalism every year for a number of reasons . It feels like it keeps me engaged with the profession - I get to take workshops on both technical and esthetic issues , and listen to speakers who show their work on stories both local and from around the world . The conference never ceases to energize me . And then there is joy of reconnecting with friends I have known for a long time , and for friends I have only known a year or two . This is Andrea , and I met her last year , and so this year I got to catch up with where she has been what she has been up to during the last year . She is a really talented photographer and both she and her boyfriend are doing freelance assignments , for newspapers and magazines but they also have personal stories they are working on , about people who are less fortunate than most of us . They are both committed to pursuing this work as well . And I find it is wonderful to hear about people this committed to their profession . I took this , by the way , when we were standing in the lobby talking , and I realized that I really liked the light on her face . I had an amazing start to my day here at the Northern Short Course . This post is not about a photograph , obviously , but is about the story . This is the book I am reading - you saw a photo of it in sunlight with my glasses on it . So I was eating breakfast in the hotel dining room this morning . I happened to notice an airline captain ( four stripes on his epaulets ) and he was finishing his breakfast at the same time I was . So I took a chance and went over to his table and asked if he had ever read this book . He said he hadn 't . So I told him that it was about the start of commercial aviation in the United States back in the early 1940 's , and that if he were to read it , he would have white knuckles ! So he thanked me , and then I stood there and talked to him for about 20 minutes , and we both had flying stories to tell , and I learned how he got his start in the U . S Force , before coming to the airlines . It was such a wonderful conversation and a really nice start to my day ! " What is he doing ? " " He 's taking photographs while driving . We TOLD him not to do that ! " I was on the way from Long Island to Newark , NJ for a photo conference that starts tomorrow . I took the Queens Midtown tunnel to Manhattan , and then the Holland Tunnel to New Jersey . I realized that I haven 't driven through the Queens Midtown tunnel for a long time - perhaps 6 years or so ! I always take mass transit to get to the city and rarely drive , so it was fun to pass through here again . " I saw the harbor lights , They only told me we were parting . . . " This song has nothing to do with my photograph - I just thought of " harbor lights " after I took the picture and so Googled it , and found there was a song with this name . Other than that , I drove by the water tonight and because there was almost no wind , the lights on the far shore were reflected in the water . I thought it was pretty , so I jammed on the brakes and screeched to a halt in the middle of the road with tires smoking , so I could take this photo . ( It didn 't actually happen that way - I pulled over carefully , and stopped . ) Oh , then I did a long exposure on a tripod to capture this . Sometimes I tend to embellish my stories . I never tire of looking at the kitties - they are always doing interesting things . It is so interesting to see them when they curl up on the couch for their afternoon nap . Sometimes their faces are showing , but at other times they tuck their nose and eyes somewhere into themselves , and put a paw over their face , and they appear to disappear . They are almost like a complex knot in a piece of rope that you have to struggle with to untie . This is another photo quiz ! Which photograph is your favorite ? Here are the details : I saw these wreaths of flowers hanging on one of the benches down at the shoreline , so I stopped to photograph them . I have no idea what the flowers are for - I have never seen any of the benches with flowers on them before . There hasn 't been any kind of ship sinking in the harbor , so I doubt it was something like that . Each bench , however has a bronze plaque with a name on it . The plaque on this bench says " In loving memory of Eda Maria Ayres 1926 - 1998 " Perhaps this is an anniversary of some kind . So which photograph do you like best ? I think the lower one is more dramatic , from a low angle and with the larger wreath . But I think I prefer the top photograph , because it has a greater sense of context - we can see more clearly where the bench is located , and I also love the gentle curve of the sidewalk and the railing curving into the distance . What do you think ? On the way to the bagel store this morning I saw several eight - man rowing shells in the harbor . It was a bit tricky to shoot them , because it was a bit windy , and their course was south of the power plant , and it is difficult to get a clear view down there . I tried one vantage point but I only had a narrow view which didn 't work , so I drove to another spot and finally got this clear view . I like that the yellow oil boom in the foreground is both yellow , and graphically similar - a line - as is the yellow rowing shell . Man , I do NOT envy these guys out on the water when it is this cold out . It is worth clicking on this to see it in more detail . I traveled out to Stony Brook University to attend an astronomy lecture about the Sun this evening . The campus has grown so much since I first arrived on Long Island 46 years ago - I found there were whole new areas that I have never seen , and I ended up driving around quite a bit , looking for the lecture hall . At a stop sign I saw these new dormitories , and I was dumbstruck to see that they looked as if they were built from Legos ! This is funny , right ? The truth is they were constructed from prefabricated insulated aluminum panels , and these buildings are considered sustainable architecture , involving the use of recycled materials . Posted by
|
It may be work , it may be play , it may be near , it may be away . So here is the challenge - to shoot and post one photograph a day on this site . These photographs are a kind of diary of things I find interesting . I am also thinking that there will be days when I am unable to shoot , so on those infrequent occasions , I will post a photograph done on another day , but one that still feels important to me . - Ken Spencer I was finishing up breakfast at the dining table , when I looked over at Vince and saw him reading the Sunday paper . He was engrossed in his reading , and I realized that there was wonderful light on his face - from the side , and the subtle shadows on the front of the face were perfect . Where is my camera ? Across the room , on the chest of drawers . I didn 't want to ruin the moment , so then I thought of my cellphone in my pocket . I got it out , switched to Hipstamatic , and made this one frame . It seems perfect . We walked up to Sea Cliff today because it was a gorgeous day , with blue sky and sunshine , and a temperature of 56 degrees - it almost felt like Spring for the first time . I am tired of grey skies and rain and snow flurries . Anyhow we walked to Memorial Park which overlooks Long Island Sound . And what did we fine ? A whole collection of cyclists from Queens , out on a 50 mile ride , AND . . . The Easter Bunny ! So we waited while the cyclists had their pictures taken with the bunny , and then we had our picture taken with him as well . This sculpture is called " Shaul " by the sculptor Boaz Vaadia and was made in 1986 . I think that it is a incredibly creative sculpture . Because it is so simple in concept - a human form made of piled up slate , or " bluestone . " I am stunned by the brilliance of the concept . I guess that 's the point of really creative thought - that it can be simple , and yet somehow profound . Click on the image to see it in more detail . I have photographed this stairway before , on February 23 , to be exact . That picture shows the spiral nature of this three story stairway . So I figured I had the best picture . So imagine my surprise when I walked out of one of the gallery rooms and saw this ! A completely different way of seeing the same stairs . The first photograph is more dramatic , I think , but I love being reminded that there is more than one way to see something . There is a new exhibition at the Nassau County Museum of Art . While wandering through the various galleries , I saw this . I was looking at the painting on the foreground wall , and then noticed the light coming through the door from the previous gallery . I like that I can see another painting and the window as well . I really like the sense of depth from this - layers and layers of depth . But it is really about the light . The exhibit , by the was is a re - examination of abstract expressionism . I spent a lot of time examining the paintings in the exhibit because this style of painting doesn 't touch me as easily as other more representative styles . There were some amazing paintings , though . This is a nice story . Kathy works evenings several nights a week , seeing clients . She is usually done by 9PM . At about 9 PM on some nights , I will look into the dining room from the living room , and realize that the two kitties have gotten up on the table , and they are sitting there , looking out the window , patiently waiting for her car to arrive in the driveway ! It is amazing to me how they have a sense of time , and know when she is due home . I just find that amazing , and of course , wonderful . They 're so cute aren 't they ? This is a real life dinosaur , believe it or not . His name is Dick and he and I were work colleagues for about 35 years . The amazing thing about Dick was that until the day he retired , he continued to learn and continued to be completely engaged in his work . Shortly after he retired , he decided to put together a group of mostly retired press photographers , and we meet once a month at a diner , and we have breakfast together . It 's a really nice gathering in that we get to stay in touch with friends , and we get to talk face - to - face . That 's just like being on the internet , but different ! Here he is talking to Deborah who was another colleague in the photo department . Today was Palm Sunday - a very special day in the Church calendar . So the service begins with a blessing of the palms everyone was given when entering the church . And then the procession begins while everyone in the congregation sings and waves their palms as the Priest , altar servers , lectors and eucharistic ministers make their way to the altar and the continuation of the Mass . It is a always a joyous day . I saw this the other day during one of my afternoon walks . The scene is right next to the old power plant . I am not sure what I saw first - perhaps the gently curving line of the oil boom in the water . But I liked the way that line paralleled the shoreline . Then I noticed the short vertical line of the high tension tower . Then I saw the faint lines of the high voltage wires against the gray sky with the bright glow of the sun . I thought it made a picture . I dunno , what do you think ? You will have to click on it to make it larger to see more details . Between the years of 1916 - 1920 a couple built a summer home on Long Island . The mansion has eighty seven rooms , and looks like a medieval castle . There is stunning architectural detail everywhere and beautiful carvings in the marble . In 1937 they donated the facility to the Jesuits and it has been used as a retreat center since the 1960 's . Unfortunately , it is too expensive to keep up , and is now for sale . It may be kept as it is , or maybe the building will be torn down so that modern homes can be built on the property instead . It would be a terrible shame to loose this bit of history on Long Island 's Gold Coast . This sounds like the start of a blonde joke , doesn 't it ? But it 's not - I just thought it would be funny to write it that way . I was walking up Fifth Avenue on the way to the Metropolitan Museum of Art the other day , and suddenly I noticed this two women walking ahead of me . What made them stand out for me was that the color of their hair was the same , and that they both had black coats and black hats , which made their hair stand out even more . I probably looked like some weirdo guy following them for a block or two while shooting ! Lucky I didn 't get arrested . I came home from my astronomy meeting tonight , and after parking the car , stood and looked up at this . A light was on in the bedroom window , and a first quarter moon was over the roof of the house . And scudding clouds were hiding and revealing the moon . So I set up the NEW camera on a tripod and started making time exposures . Only thing was , the house was all in shadow . So I got a small LED flashlight out of the car , and during the long exposure , quickly swept the flashlight over the side of the house , so you can see more detail , and it makes the house just a bit blue . Have I mentioned how much I love going to New York ? I am sure I have , but every time I go there I see photographs everywhere I look . It 's enough to make your head spin . Today was gray and rainy , and I walked 20 blocks from 59th street up to the Metropolitan Museum of Art at 79th street , photographing all the way . How much fun is that ! I really like the arrangement of all the umbrellas within the frame . He 's doing it again ! Driving and taking pictures ! Don 't worry , it 's OK . The roads had some snow on them , so I was driving VERY slowly . . . This is the back road we take down to church every sunday , and I had a class there tonight , so snow or no snow , I drove down . What was really cool is , that for winter , this trip was always in the dark . Now that daylight savings time has arrived , I am driving down at dusk . With snow starting to fall , the road had a kind of spooky quality , and the blue light of dusk just added to the feel . I love the orange light above the center of the road . It seems mysterious , but is only a yellow caution light at an intersection . I was away when we had the last big snowfall - about eight inches around here . Several days later I returned home and some of it had melted , but the side yard and garden were still covered with snow . Late one afternoon the sun was low and the shadows were long . And a shaft of sunlight was skimming the snow in the yard , and it illuminated the stone angel that lives in our garden . She seems so alone . This is such a beautiful image seen larger . Please click on it . The weather was strange today - there were snow flurries that started and stopped , and then some freezing stuff , then some rain , then more snow flurries . It was all delicate enough that it clung to the branches of my magic tree . I have photographed this tree with snow on it , and after an ice storm , but it never quite looked like this . One thing I did , because of the house and the car in the background , was to shoot this with the lens aperture " wide open " meaning that the focus would only be in a narrow area - only some of the branches in the foreground are in sharp focus . In late 2011 the Vanderbilt Planetarium closed for renovations . They completely renovated the building and dug a giant hole in the middle of the room . The hole was for a brand new state - of - the - art planetarium projector which retracts into the floor . Last night I was invited to the reopening of the Vanderbilt , and the facility is stunning . Brand new comfortable seats , and an incredible Konica - Minolta projector makes the sky come alive inside the dome . The control system looks like the flight deck of a 747 aircraft . The projector is the ball in the bottom center of the photograph , and you can see this amazingly detailed recreation of traveling through the Milky Way . I know you are all dying to actually see my new camera , right ? Well , OK , so you 're not . But I wanted to show you how nice the camera looks . But the MAIN reason I am posting this picture is so that I can tell you what my good friend Chuck wrote me when he found out I bought a new camera : " Thanks for taking the time to tell me all about the new camera . I 'm glad you 're getting it . Now maybe you can take some GOOD photos . : ^ ) I 'm tired of seeing such poor quality from your other cameras . " He is so funny , isn 't he ! I bought a new camera ! It is a Canon 6D . I bought it because it is a full - frame camera , and because it is 5 years newer than my Nikon D300 , it has a much more modern chip and processor . This is crazy , but the ISO goes as high as 12 , 500 and above ! That 's nuts , but I can 't wait to try it . The main thing is that when I shoot at 3200 or 6400 the images should have a lot less noise . You will all be glad to know that this camera is " Photo Dude Approved ! " Of course it will take me a week to begin to learn all of the cool things it does . The photograph is of the camera still in its box , inside the shipping box . I loved the view from THIS hotel room ! While at the Northern Short Course my room was on the 8th floor , with a front - row seat to all the goings on at Newark Liberty International Airport . The aircraft would be parked there most of the day , and when I got up in the morning they were gone , only to reappear later on . Apparently this is a storage area away from the gates , and I am guessing that they were used for transcontinental night flights . And the containerized cargo cranes in the background are just stunning structures , aren 't they ? They are at the Port of Newark , right across the road from the far side of the airport . The telephoto lens compresses everything , making the cranes seem much closer than they are . This may be the best hotel room view I have ever had anywhere ! I have posted a slightly larger image , so please click on it to see it in more detail . These two guys are in one room , at one end of the building where the conference was . On the left is the prize winning photographer J . Kyle Keener who worked for the Philadelphia Enquirer , and then was the director of photography for the Detroit Free Press . On the right is Alan Spearman , an Emmy Award - winning filmmaker and photojournalist . Alan created the video " As I Am " which you can see on Vimeo . Man , I swear , that with both of these heavyweights in the same room at the same end of the building , the building tilted ! Both of them gave stunning presentations at the conference . If you wonder why the photograph is in black & white , it 's because the walls of the conference room were a sickly green , and the color version of this looked awful ! I don 't have all the details exactly correct here - I didn 't do a good job of reporting . Every night at the conference photographers show multimedia projects - either slideshows or video productions to anyone who wants to be in the audience , and then members of the audience are are allowed to offer constructive criticism . This young woman is a high school student , and I think she is from Washington , DC . She came to the conference with two other students - seen on her left and right . She put together an audio slideshow to educate people about the dangers of bullying - she took all the photographs and recorded the audio track . . She did a stunning job - it was a brilliant production that was riveting to watch , and a powerful lesson about the hazards of bullying . Here she is listening to some comments by one of the audience members . She is one talented young woman . Posted by There were two workshops on lighting for photographers and I went to both of them . In this one , after a slideshow of photographs were shown demonstrating various lighting techniques , the presenter set up two lights on stands and picked one person out of the audience with a camera , and another person to be the subject , then he watched as the photographer arranged the lights and took some portraits . Here he is watching the photographer at work , then we got to see the results . I come to the Northern Short Course in Photojournalism every year for a number of reasons . It feels like it keeps me engaged with the profession - I get to take workshops on both technical and esthetic issues , and listen to speakers who show their work on stories both local and from around the world . The conference never ceases to energize me . And then there is joy of reconnecting with friends I have known for a long time , and for friends I have only known a year or two . This is Andrea , and I met her last year , and so this year I got to catch up with where she has been what she has been up to during the last year . She is a really talented photographer and both she and her boyfriend are doing freelance assignments , for newspapers and magazines but they also have personal stories they are working on , about people who are less fortunate than most of us . They are both committed to pursuing this work as well . And I find it is wonderful to hear about people this committed to their profession . I took this , by the way , when we were standing in the lobby talking , and I realized that I really liked the light on her face . I had an amazing start to my day here at the Northern Short Course . This post is not about a photograph , obviously , but is about the story . This is the book I am reading - you saw a photo of it in sunlight with my glasses on it . So I was eating breakfast in the hotel dining room this morning . I happened to notice an airline captain ( four stripes on his epaulets ) and he was finishing his breakfast at the same time I was . So I took a chance and went over to his table and asked if he had ever read this book . He said he hadn 't . So I told him that it was about the start of commercial aviation in the United States back in the early 1940 's , and that if he were to read it , he would have white knuckles ! So he thanked me , and then I stood there and talked to him for about 20 minutes , and we both had flying stories to tell , and I learned how he got his start in the U . S Force , before coming to the airlines . It was such a wonderful conversation and a really nice start to my day ! " What is he doing ? " " He 's taking photographs while driving . We TOLD him not to do that ! " I was on the way from Long Island to Newark , NJ for a photo conference that starts tomorrow . I took the Queens Midtown tunnel to Manhattan , and then the Holland Tunnel to New Jersey . I realized that I haven 't driven through the Queens Midtown tunnel for a long time - perhaps 6 years or so ! I always take mass transit to get to the city and rarely drive , so it was fun to pass through here again . " I saw the harbor lights , They only told me we were parting . . . " This song has nothing to do with my photograph - I just thought of " harbor lights " after I took the picture and so Googled it , and found there was a song with this name . Other than that , I drove by the water tonight and because there was almost no wind , the lights on the far shore were reflected in the water . I thought it was pretty , so I jammed on the brakes and screeched to a halt in the middle of the road with tires smoking , so I could take this photo . ( It didn 't actually happen that way - I pulled over carefully , and stopped . ) Oh , then I did a long exposure on a tripod to capture this . Sometimes I tend to embellish my stories . I never tire of looking at the kitties - they are always doing interesting things . It is so interesting to see them when they curl up on the couch for their afternoon nap . Sometimes their faces are showing , but at other times they tuck their nose and eyes somewhere into themselves , and put a paw over their face , and they appear to disappear . They are almost like a complex knot in a piece of rope that you have to struggle with to untie . This is another photo quiz ! Which photograph is your favorite ? Here are the details : I saw these wreaths of flowers hanging on one of the benches down at the shoreline , so I stopped to photograph them . I have no idea what the flowers are for - I have never seen any of the benches with flowers on them before . There hasn 't been any kind of ship sinking in the harbor , so I doubt it was something like that . Each bench , however has a bronze plaque with a name on it . The plaque on this bench says " In loving memory of Eda Maria Ayres 1926 - 1998 " Perhaps this is an anniversary of some kind . So which photograph do you like best ? I think the lower one is more dramatic , from a low angle and with the larger wreath . But I think I prefer the top photograph , because it has a greater sense of context - we can see more clearly where the bench is located , and I also love the gentle curve of the sidewalk and the railing curving into the distance . What do you think ? On the way to the bagel store this morning I saw several eight - man rowing shells in the harbor . It was a bit tricky to shoot them , because it was a bit windy , and their course was south of the power plant , and it is difficult to get a clear view down there . I tried one vantage point but I only had a narrow view which didn 't work , so I drove to another spot and finally got this clear view . I like that the yellow oil boom in the foreground is both yellow , and graphically similar - a line - as is the yellow rowing shell . Man , I do NOT envy these guys out on the water when it is this cold out . It is worth clicking on this to see it in more detail . I traveled out to Stony Brook University to attend an astronomy lecture about the Sun this evening . The campus has grown so much since I first arrived on Long Island 46 years ago - I found there were whole new areas that I have never seen , and I ended up driving around quite a bit , looking for the lecture hall . At a stop sign I saw these new dormitories , and I was dumbstruck to see that they looked as if they were built from Legos ! This is funny , right ? The truth is they were constructed from prefabricated insulated aluminum panels , and these buildings are considered sustainable architecture , involving the use of recycled materials . Posted by
|
5 Year Old 's Enthusiasm From a recent e - mail : " I wanted to send this sweet picture of our oldest , Audrey , wearing herChorePack the first week and getting ready to unload the dishwasher . She RAVED about how she loved the chore pack because it reminded her of everything she needed to do in the morning instead of her forgetting things that needed to get done . We 've lovedthe system so far ! Thank you for creating it . " " That poor little girl . She 's happy because she 's pleasing mommy - like all children do . She should be out playing with friends , playing dress up or let 's pretend , MAYBE a few small chores here and there - but CHOREPACKS ? You people are going to kill that child 's spirit before she 's 7 . God forbid she wants to be anything other than Holly Homemaker - do they have ChorePacks for future lawyers ? Or Astronauts ? I hope that she grows up to realize that she 's worth more than just an unpaid scullery maid / nanny . " From the blog comment , we are left with the feeling that the author believes that if a child is given more than a few small chores to do , he will not have any playtime . This is really far from the truth . After the first Holly Homemaker Mom 's Corner , the mom who had originally sent us the photo of her five - year - old daughter with her ChorePack unloading the dishwasher wrote to us . She was a little taken aback at the assumptions that were made in the blog comment concerning her daughter 's activities . This is what she said . " I was so sad to hear about the woman who commented negatively and was thrilled to see your response . The sad thing is that the commenter does not even know the full story . We also use your scheduling system , and there is plenty of time scheduled for my daughter to play dress up , babies , play with her sister and brother , do school , and crafts , etc . I think this woman has no idea what your ChorePack system is about and the time actually involved in them . My daughter DOES want to be a mommy when she grows up and like you , I think it honors the Lord for her to do so . " We also have an afternoon ChorePack where she waters our two houseplants , makes sure her room is picked up , puts books and toys away , sets the table , and is the kitchen helper if it is her day ( she trades off with her brother ) . I would say this one takes her a maximum of thirty minutes because she usually helps me train our almost two - year - old in picking up her toys as well . So chores ALL DAY take less than an hour which leaves eleven hours for fun and school since the children are up from 7 a . m . to 7 p . m . " I didn 't even know how to turn on the washing machine when I went to COLLEGE . I had to have my mom come up and show me how to run it when she was visiting the first week . How sad ! You would think my mom would be anti - chores since she did everything for us , but she loves the idea that we are training our children on how to keep up with themselves and be responsible , God - fearing adults . " The five - year - old 's mom The precious , little ChorePack - using girl 's mom gives us a good perspective of what her daughter 's day looks like and how much of it she is spending doing chore work . The jobs are reasonable to her age and capability . Her mommy is helping her invest her time in productive activities like chores and school while allowing plenty of time for play . I remember a conversation we had with one of our neighbors who drives a public school bus . She told us that she asked the children on her bus how many of them played outside . Only two raised their hands . She decided to give them a " play - outside challenge . " We had recently had a seven - inch snow , and there was still a lot of snow on the ground . She told her bus children that when she came to pick them up in the morning , she would give a reward to any child who had built a snowman by the bus stop . There was only one child who responded to the challenge of building a snowman that was visible on the route the next day . That child was treated to a McDonald 's Happy Meal . When children are given chores to do , they are learning to apply themselves to a task that needs to be accomplished . They have something productive to do with a portion of their time . With practice at their chores , they become responsible , diligent , thorough , careful , and efficient . They also learn how to manage their time . All of those are qualities that a professional will need just as much as the Holly Homemaker needs them . The children who learn how to work at home will have the perseverance and determination to apply themselves to difficult tasks they will face in adulthood - whether that is starting a business , becoming an astronaut or lawyer , or raising a family . Sadly , the children who grow up without being encouraged to work will likely choose to avoid work in their adult lives . They will perpetuate their childhood into their adult years and wonder why they struggle so much . Remember from the March 2011 Holly Homemaker Mom 's Corner where the professional couldn 't find young employees because none of those who applied for the jobs knew how to work ? Those who haven 't learned how to work will not be qualified to be the leaders of their generation because they have set their hearts and affections on fun and games rather than industry and service . Chores and working don 't kill a child 's spirit , instead they develop , enhance , challenge , and produce the kind of spirit that will make that child successful as an adult . It is the children who are left to sit in front of the TV with their XBoxes whose spirits are being killed . Those spirits are being sucked into the mire of self , mindlessness , and entertainment . Could it be that these children are developing the appetites that will make them be " lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God ( 2 Timothy 3 : 4 ) ? " I agree with Mom O that as the children pitch in to help in their homes , Mom 's workload is lightened . This allows her not only her more time to play with her children , talk to them , and read to them , but it also helps facilitate a more joyful , content overall attitude . A happy mom is often the foundation of a happy family . In the past , Steve and I listened to those , like the negative blog commenter , who would want us to choose not to give our children chores but rather simply let them play and have fun . We also evaluated the results of that kind of parenting , and we didn 't like the results . We saw appetites developed for self and entertainment but we desired our children to have appetites to serve . Working helped our children toward the servant 's heart found in Scripture . " For , brethren , ye have been called unto liberty ; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh , but by love serve one another " ( Galatians 5 : 13 ) . When we did a survey of Christian families before writing Managers of Their Chores , overwhelmingly we heard back that these families wanted to teach their children how to work . About 75 % of the respondents came from families where they were not required to do household chores , and they felt that decision by their parents had hindered them as adults . They didn 't have the skills they needed or the attitudes toward work that they wanted . They simply weren 't equipped for what they would face as adults . These families are making different decisions for their children , decisions that include a positive attitude toward chores and teaching their children to handle chore responsibility . I think in this series we have now covered each of the concerns the negative blog commenter had about a five - year - old having a ChorePack to help her do some household chores . I am happy that I can be a Holly Homemaker and that one of the things I can do being home with my children is to teach them how to work . We want our children equipped for their adulthood through the skills they are learning when they work in our home plus the work ethic that comes with chores as well . May we be women who look beyond the cries of the world that says a child 's days should only consist of fun and choose to prepare our children for life . This month we delve once again into a comment that was left on our blog in response to a blog post . We didn 't approve the comment on the blog , but we saved it so that we could address the concerns that it was raising . If you 'd like to read the previous articles in this series , please do so . Here is the blog post and the comment that is the basis for this series of articles . 5 Year Old 's Enthusiasm From a recent e - mail : " I wanted to send this sweet picture of our oldest , Audrey , wearing her ChorePack the first week and getting ready to unload the dishwasher . She RAVED about how she loved the chore pack because it reminded her of everything she needed to do in the morning instead of her forgetting things that needed to get done . We 've loved the system so far ! Thank you for creating it . " " That poor little girl . She 's happy because she 's pleasing mommy - like all children do . She should be out playing with friends , playing dress up or let 's pretend , MAYBE a few small chores here and there - but CHOREPACKS ? You people are going to kill that child 's spirit before she 's 7 . God forbid she wants to be anything other than Holly Homemaker - do they have ChorePacks for future lawyers ? Or Astronauts ? I hope that she grows up to realize that she 's worth more than just an unpaid scullery maid / nanny . " I have addressed the benefits that I have found in my life of being a Holly Homemaker and how we would like our daughters to choose to be Holly Homemakers when they are married . Last month we started evaluating the part of the comment where the author indicates that she / he doesn 't think a child should have more than a " few small chores here and there . " Obviously a five - year - old unloading a dishwasher is beyond the chore criteria that the blog commenter would feel is reasonable . In the previous article , we observed that in real adult life everyone will have daily , household responsibilities . Learning to do chores as children simply prepares our children to handle those tasks as adults and to have positive attitudes toward them . " Today , my four - year - old washed the breakfast dishes and loved it . My six - year - old also does dishes , some sweeping , and setting / clearing the table . Between them my ten and nine - year - old sons sweep the kitchen , keep the house vacuumed ( except for the master bedroom and basement ) , do the garbage and recycling duties , clean the garage , do other yard work as asked , clean the bathroom sinks and toilets daily , take care of the dinner dishes most nights , and sometimes cook a simple meal here and there . " Recently a neighbor asked if the two older ones would be interested in helping her clean the stables of her little horse farm . She 's getting older and is unmarried . They were very enthusiastic even when they had no expectation of reward . I doubt that if it weren 't for the chores they have to do at home that they would be very eager to perform what they know will be reasonably demanding labor . " Our ' chore life ' is not perfect , but it 's a long way from what I grew up with . I can remember moaning and fretting about small tasks until my mom gave up , and in the end , I don 't think I had any household responsibilities by the time I finished high school ! ! " After I emailed , I was thinking also about how my mom said when I was in my early teens that I should make a meal once a week . I just sort of ignored that , and nothing happened . Some time later my mom suggested maybe I should make a meal once a month . I didn 't pursue that either and eventually the whole matter was dropped . At the time I was thrilled . So of course when I eventually needed to make meals , I was quite lost , and still had the sense that this was ' not my job . ' Perhaps that 's some good coming out of the fact that my mom didn 't persevere in having me do chores - it made me realize that it 's important to me that my children learn how to work ! : ) " Mom I From Mom I , we have the perspective of growing up in a home where the children were given no chore responsibility . However , coming to her adult years and motherhood role , Mom I was not prepared . From this experience , she is choosing to raise her children in a different manner by teaching them how to work at home . From that decision , she is already experiencing children who can contribute a substantial amount of help to the household chores , and they are also being sought after for their diligence and skills by others even though the children are only nine and ten . In addition , these nine and ten - year - olds are excited about working to help the neighbor even though they aren 't expecting to be paid . " For , brethren , ye have been called unto liberty ; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh , but by love serve one another " ( Galatians 5 : 13 ) . Don 't you think that those are children who have the potential to be whatever the Lord Jesus calls them to be in their adult lives ? This is another testimonial that was sent to me after the first Holly Homemaker article where the mom was raised in a home without being taught how to work . She shares the results of that kind of childhood and what she thinks about a five - year - old who is learning to do chores . " Go to the ant , thou sluggard ; consider her ways , and be wise " ( Proverbs 6 : 6 ) . " I want to thank you for your ministry . I have several of your books and the scheduling has refined what I was already doing immensely . I also have the Chore book and the online ChoreWare program which has helped me tremendously . It has helped me not just with the kids ' chores but with my own housekeeping and getting organized . Which leads me to this month 's Mom 's Corner . " I was raised by a single , working mom . She was too tired at the end of the day to care about the house , dinner , or even me . I was an only child . When I was asked to help out around the house , which was rare , I was defiant and lazy . When I got married and then had children , I found that I had to learn EVERYTHING on my own about how to clean and maintain a home . It has been hard . " This five - year - old girl that you used as an example - what a blessing for her to be taught the basic things any person ( man or woman ) will need to know in her grown up years to maintain a home and feed herself and her family . In her childhood , she will become so engrained in dishwashing and laundry and mopping floors and staying on task , that she will be free in her grown up years to pursue other interests or even schooling and a career if she should choose without losing her school papers because she never learned to be organized , without eating fast food hamburgers because she never learned to prepare herself healthy meals , and without wearing her clothes for the second or third day in a row because she never learned to keep up with her laundry . Our culture says that children need to be free to play and do what they want to do when they are little , but then complain if they grow up to be lazy and living off welfare . " Mom J " Today I read the Mom 's Corner for March and have to total agree with Teri about teaching ALL children responsibility . Whether we stay home and are ' Holly Homemakers , ' love this name , or our daughters and daughters - in - law stay home and are ' Holly Homemakers , ' all our children need to be taught to clean up after themselves and others plus be a team player . As a Marine Corps wife of eight years , I have seen MANY a young Marine come in and have NO idea how to do any of their cleaning or laundry because Mommy always did it for them . I 've watched my husband have to in - detail train a nineteen - year - old Marine how to clean his barracks room - a task that our seven - year - old son and three - year - old daughter already know how to do in our home . I pray and hope that the Maxwell Family will continue to encourage families in training their children in simple things like chores and responsibilities and that we moms will continue to raise godly children who know how to clean up after themselves ! " Mom K The final comments I want to share with you have to do with the value of chores in helping children develop a servant 's heart . " And whatsoever ye do in word or deed , do all in the name of the Lord Jesus , giving thanks to God and the Father by him " ( Colossians 3 : 17 ) . Mom L wrote after she read the first Holly Homemaker Mom 's Corner and the negative comment about the blog post . " How sad to think of children trained to self serve . What a giant chain and ball parents are putting on their children when they choose not to teach them to work and serve others . Thank you for ChorePacks and the helps you give to families . " Mom L " I have enjoyed your articles about ' Holly Homemaker . ' When I read the negative comment , I thought about my college roommates . These people never felt the need to pick up after themselves , do the dishes or their laundry . Needless to say , our home was a pit , and I was very unhappy . If the mess had been limited to their room , it would have been fine , but it even poured over into our shared space . Many times I waited for them to feel the need to do the dishes , to the point of them stinking up the whole house . It never bothered them . My point is this - everyone learning to do their share is important because someday we are going to live with others - whether it be a college roommate or a spouse . If we can learn to think of others by picking up after ourselves and sharing the load , it is just one less area of potential conflict . I don 't want my children to be the inconsiderate roommate or the person who expects their spouse to pick up their dirty socks off the floor . Chores can teach a lot about life and living at peace with others ! " Mom M As our children learn to work in our homes , we are teaching them how to work throughout their adult years . This life preparation will be transferrable to many areas in their lives . In the process , they will be learning positive attitudes toward work and developing a servant 's heart . Teaching these skills in our homes makes the transition to independent living for our children easier and less stressful because they know what needs to be done and how to do it . In addition , they are not waiting for others to take care of them . May we be mothers committed to giving our children the tools they need to be successful adults , including teaching them how to work . 5 Year Old 's Enthusiasm From a recent e - mail : " I wanted to send this sweet picture of our oldest , Audrey , wearing her ChorePack the first week and getting ready to unload the dishwasher . She RAVED about how she loved the chore pack because it reminded her of everything she needed to do in the morning instead of her forgetting things that needed to get done . We 've loved the system so far ! Thank you for creating it . " " That poor little girl . She 's happy because she 's pleasing mommy - like all children do . She should be out playing with friends , playing dress up or let 's pretend , MAYBE a few small chores here and there - but CHOREPACKS ? You people are going to kill that child 's spirit before she 's 7 . God forbid she wants to be anything other than Holly Homemaker - do they have ChorePacks for future lawyers ? Or Astronauts ? I hope that she grows up to realize that she 's worth more than just an unpaid scullery maid / nanny . " In this article , I would like to move into the realm of whether or not chores are important for a child . I had planned to address this topic as the series continued , but the responses to the first two articles were quite articulate . They provide other voices and other experiences beyond my own so I will start with what some of them shared with me . " I have just read this month 's Mom 's Corner , and I wanted to say thank you for the great encouragement you are to all of us , ' Holly Homemakers . ' Yet , another thought crossed my mind as I read the negative blog comment you had received . The idea that ChorePacks ( or chores in general ) are for the purpose of training up future homemakers , or even strictly for the purpose of getting the housework completed , is absurd . Are there ChorePacks for future lawyers and astronauts ? Absolutely ! Those ChorePacks are filled with things like . . . unload the dishwasher , do the laundry , clean the windows , take out the trash , make your bed , and other things . Chores are not designed for the sole purpose of lightening Mom 's load and training up Holly Homemaker . In assigning chores , we are teaching CHARACTER , not simply achievement and tasks . We are giving our children the tools they will need to succeed in becoming whatever God calls them to do . I would be completely negligent in my duties as a parent if I were to send my grown sons off to university ( should the Lord require it ) to become medical doctors if I had not first taught them how to cheerfully , and without reminder , make their beds in the morning and set the table for dinner . THAT is why , even at 5 years old ( and younger ) , EVERYONE has chores at our house , the future professors , doctors , lawyers , missionaries , and , yes , even my little Holly Homemakers in training . " Mom F " I just read the Holly Homemaker article . Thank you ! It was interesting also that my twelve - year - old son was here and noted my response to the negative comment . He isn 't particularly fond of chores but does them willingly . I pointed out to him something that you didn 't even mention . My job as a mom is to teach my children , not only school ( we homeschool ) but life skills . One day my sons will leave this house - whether with a wife or on their own - and they need to be able to keep their home clean and running properly . They need to learn how and one day be able to do all the things that I do . If they can learn to enjoy chores , the better off they will be ! This is true of a woman who decides to be a lawyer or astronaut also . " Mom G " People these days are continuing to lie to themselves if they think that having a ' carefree ( irresponsible , child - centered ) childhood ' really develops good leaders and professional workers . My husband is a professional engineer with a tremendous amount of responsibility and many employees . He handles vast amounts of taxpayer money every year . He is a rare find , as he takes this responsibility very seriously , and invests enormous amounts of time to make sure he is making the best possible decision for all of his fellow citizens affected . " Notably , in the past two years , he has hired about seven new employees . . . five of whom were RETIRED professionals . He has had to find older men who take pride in their work , because there are no younger men with the expertise or work ethic he requires . The other two new hires did NOT have college degrees , but were men who expect to work hard to earn a living and respect authority . . . rare qualities these days . I bet all of these people had chores to do as children ! " ALL children need to be brought up in a way that will help them enter adulthood with the much needed ( and much lacking these days ) life skills of taking care of themselves , their belongings , and their surroundings so that those things are second nature , habits . That way they will have more time to learn other things and devote to making ' a difference ' in this world , whether it be by staying home and raising the next generation or if it is as the business or government leaders of our nation . No one is as effective as they can be when they were taught irresponsibility as a youth . " Mom H I would agree with these ladies who wrote to me . Our children need to learn to do chores in our homes because these will be skills they will be using throughout their lives in whatever capacity God calls them to . " It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth " ( Lamentations 3 : 27 ) . Helping with household chores is really not even a very big yoke to be born . I want my children prepared for their adult lives and to look back on their childhood with gratitude for that preparation . May I encourage you not to let the world convince you that work is harmful for your children but rather to evaluate the reality of life and set them on a path toward success . Next month we will continue our discussion with more about the importance of teaching our children . 5 Year Old 's Enthusiasm From a recent e - mail : " I wanted to send this sweet picture of our oldest , Audrey , wearing her ChorePack the first week and getting ready to unload the dishwasher . She RAVED about how she loved the chore pack because it reminded her of everything she needed to do in the morning instead of her forgetting things that needed to get done . We 've loved the system so far ! Thank you for creating it . " " That poor little girl . She 's happy because she 's pleasing mommy - like all children do . She should be out playing with friends , playing dress up or let 's pretend , MAYBE a few small chores here and there - but CHOREPACKS ? You people are going to kill that child 's spirit before she 's 7 . God forbid she wants to be anything other than Holly Homemaker - do they have ChorePacks for future lawyers ? Or Astronauts ? I hope that she grows up to realize that she 's worth more than just an unpaid scullery maid / nanny . " While we didn 't have any trouble discerning the disdainful bias of the comment , we actually liked the term Holly Homemaker . Holly Homemaker sounded warm , loving , and inviting to us - the type of mother I would like to be and a title I would embrace . We want our daughters to grow up in a home where when they are adults , they would choose to stay home with their children , a Holly Homemaker , rather than pursue a career . No amount of salary can compare to the value of nurturing a heart in the Lord Jesus Christ . I know that choice begins with the atmosphere I cultivate in my home and the role model I set before them . " I am a ' Holly Homemaker ' literally . My name is Holly , and I am a homemaker , wife , mama , homeschooler , manager of the home , and all that is included in that . I LOVE what I do even though it is the hardest job I have ever had ! I am so blessed to have been given this career ! I cannot think of any other career that has a higher calling ! It is AWESOME ! ! ! " Mom A " I am blessed to be home with my children . I have a Master 's Degree in Public Policy and previously worked as the Legislative Director for the now - Governor of my state . Four years ago , my husband and I adopted two young children out of the foster care system , and I 've been home with them ever since . " It is my privilege to raise them in the Lord , homeschool them , and keep our family 's home . Some days I do feel unappreciated , but I wouldn 't want to be any place else . " Mom B " I was only a few hours short of my doctorate in education curriculum and design when I met my husband , and we got married . Previously , I 'd made a handsome salary , had traveled abroad extensively , and was very successful in my career . I did not pursue any of that out of choice , but necessity . I was 37 years old before God brought my husband and me together . Upon our union , I immediately became a stay at home wife , and later a homeschooling mother to our son , who is now 15 . " While I was raised by wonderful Christian parents , they did not raise me to believe my place in life was in the home . God brought me to this realization Himself . There was nothing in my past life that equals the joy being a wife and momma now bring . " While God did not see fit to bless us with more than one child , I am believing in a quiver full of grandchildren one day ! My son is being prepared to be the sole provider for his family , knowing being home is God 's highest calling for any woman . I pray he will seek out God 's best for him , in the form of a godly woman who puts husband , children , and home above all else . " Mom C " I too am a Holly Homemaker and love it . I love the title since my youngest daughter 's name is Holly . I can 't imagine playing the world 's game and having to leave my family every day to serve someone less important than the people I love most ! ! ! " My earnest prayer is that my daughters will grow to be godly women who enjoy staying home with their families and serving them . They all say that is what they desire , and I am overjoyed that their hearts have been set this way by our wonderful Lord . " Mom D " I consider my role at home priceless ! " Mom E When we think of being a Holly Homemaker , keep in mind Titus 2 : 4 - 5 : " That they may teach the young women to be sober , to love their husbands , to love their children , To be discreet , chaste , keepers at home , good , obedient to their own husbands , that the word of God be not blasphemed . " Here we see a list of what the Lord Jesus is directing a young , married woman to have as the emphasis of her life . There are three aspects identified that I can fulfill much better by being a Holly Homemaker than by having a career and those are to love my husband , to love my children , and to be a keeper at home . By being home I can maintain my house so that it is the haven I desire it to be for my husband and children . I have time to keep up with the household chores like laundry , meals , dishes , and cleaning so that they are accomplished . I am not stressed trying to fit them into a couple of evening and weekend hours . Staying home allows me to focus on being a loving wife when my husband is home . I can arrange my time so that I am free for family activities and interactions when my husband is available . I am not distracted by other things that need to be done . Because I have chosen not to have an outside - the - home career , I am able to more fully love my children . This includes having time to spend with them throughout the day . It also means that I can provide them with a home education , which would be difficult , if not impossible , if I had a full or even part - time job . Perhaps the greatest way I love my children is by bringing them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord . " And , ye fathers , provoke not your children to wrath : but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord " ( Ephesians 6 : 4 ) . I am Steve 's helpmeet in this vital assignment from the Lord . By being home all day with my children I have that many more hours to impact their lives for Jesus Christ by sharing Scripture with them , praying with them , talking about the Lord Jesus with them , ministering with them , helping them apply Scripture to their lives , directing them in godly responses to each other , memorizing with them , and all that is involved in a loving , daily life in a Christian home . I was quite drawn to the statement from the mom who said she felt her role at home was priceless . If all that we can accomplish in our homes were to be hired out and given a price tag , we could somewhat quantify it , and it would likely add up to quite a sum of money each month . However , the eternal impact we have on our husband , our children , and those around us in our ministry at home is most certainly priceless . Even if the world doesn 't choose to value what Holly Homemaker is doing , may we be women who embrace that calling and joyfully fulfill that role . Not long ago we received an e - mail with a testimonial from a family who had just started using ChorePacks , a chore system detailed in our Managers of Their Chores book . We used that e - mail as the basis for a blog post on Titus2 . com . Here is that blog post . From a recent e - mail : " I wanted to send this sweet picture of our oldest , Audrey , wearing her ChorePack the first week and getting ready to unload the dishwasher . She RAVED about how she loved the chore pack because it reminded her of everything she needed to do in the morning instead of her forgetting things that needed to get done . We 've loved the system so far ! Thank you for creating it . " While we had several positive blog comments about ChorePacks from other ChorePack users , we had one negative comment . We chose not to approve that comment on the blog , because there was so much we wanted to say in response to it , and that required a greater investment of time . Here is the blog comment : " That poor little girl . She 's happy because she 's pleasing mommy like all children do . She should be out playing with friends , playing dress up or let 's pretend , MAYBE a few small chores here and there - but CHOREPACKS ? You people are going to kill that child 's spirit before she 's 7 . God forbid she wants to be anything other than Holly Homemaker - do they have chore packs for future lawyers ? Or Astronauts ? I hope that she grows up to realize that she 's worth more than just an unpaid scullery maid / nanny . " The world devalues the woman who chooses to forgo a lucrative career to stay home and raise her children . People often hold the same derogatory attitude that is portrayed in this blog comment . Their thinking is that the woman who wants to be home with her children is , as this blog commenter described , nothing more than an " unpaid scullery maid / nanny , " indicating she has no value . Untrue ! The raising up of a precious life in Christ is of far more value than the highest paid executive 's take home pay ! Holly Homemaker : I really liked that title ! I delight in being Holly Homemaker , and it brings me joy when my daughters say they want to be wives and mothers . I don 't view myself as an unpaid scullery maid / nanny even if others do . " Guess what , a wonderful young doctor bought my practice ! I am now at home full - time and no longer employed outside the home . I am thrilled ! And , I 'm very , very thankful to God for allowing this and orchestrating the details as only He could have done . Now that I am home , I realize how much I have to learn ! But I am excited about being home and being more engaged and available as a wife and mother . " This is an educated , professional woman choosing to give up her career for something she sees as more important than that career " being home with her children . She doesn 't sound to me like she would consider herself an unpaid scullery maid / nanny . However , I think she would happily don the title of Holly Homemaker . I regularly hear from women who are giving up all that their higher education earned them in a career as a doctor or lawyer to become a Holly Homemaker . They are esteeming the riches of full - time investment in their children 's lives to be greater than the accolades and financial rewards of their professional career . With the unprecedented growth of broken homes , we Holly Homemakers have the opportunity to offer our children the security and nurturing that even secular psychologists say is important . We avoid the time pressures that working moms face of trying to accomplish everything at home plus be at work for eight hours or more each day . We are our own bosses , and we set our own schedules . I know there are many working women who are doing so because they have no other choice . They long to be able to be home with their children . They pray that the Lord will provide a way for them to do so . If circumstances allowed , they would instantly become a Holly Homemaker filled with joy in doing so . For those of you who are Holly Homemakers , we want to affirm the decision you have made to invest your life in the lives of your children . We hope you will take joy in that role and not let the world devalue in your heart what you are choosing to do . For those who would like to be a Holly Homemaker but can 't at this time , we pray that the Lord will soon open those doors for you . We have heard many wonderful stories of Him answering those kinds of prayers . Next month we will continue this discussion . " My concern and quest for help begins in the kitchen . A background on my children is that they are EXTREMELY happy children , almost to a fault . What I mean is that they do not know when to STOP laughing , giggling , and being silly , in order to get down to business . We have used your ChorePack system and for the most part it works wonders in keeping my home clean and well ordered . I especially love that the non - readers can have responsibilities without my prodding constantly . " My trouble is in the kitchen . They are each assigned a task to do for ' KP ' . They complete this task after every meal . I am there to inspect after it is done , and during the task I am there to ensure that they are doing it . The trouble is that they do the task sloppily , they goof off half the time , and I feel as if I am nagging them to continue . " I have tried different approaches to solving this problem , including various consequences . Some seemed too harsh for the offense , while others just didn 't work . I have tried offering rewards . That didn 't seem to motivate for the duration either . " The other day I had a wrapped gift I had found as we unpacked our boxes from another move . I set it on the table , and everyone was very interested . I told them that they could open it if everyone did their KP WELL and without talking . I left the room to go unpack boxes . They enjoyed their usual meal filled with giggles and noises , and then all of a sudden my house was QUIET ! ! Not too long after , I heard one or the other begin giggling and chatting , and I thought , ' Oh well , that didn 't work too well . ' I walked out to find a PERFECTLY cleaned kitchen ! ! I was not only floored but somewhat disappointed that it took a wrapped gift on the table to accomplish that for which I have been striving for YEARS ! ! " I asked my eldest son later ( age 12 ) , ' What could I do to get my children to clean quietly like that when there ISN ' T a reward waiting ? ' He wisely said , ' Well , this is just an idea . . . but you could ask a woman who has older children and has some more ideas than you ! ! ' Here I am asking you for some ideas , advice , and prayer ! ! I am seeing that I am training my children to disobey me , not the goal for any of us . I have gone to the Lord through James 1 and am believing that He WILL give me the wisdom I need to train my children in the way they should go ! ! " I opened this Mom 's Corner with all of the details from the question we received because I felt that most of us could relate to the mom 's situation and struggles . She has tried many ways to get her children to do what they should do , but she isn 't having the success she would like to achieve . This then can easily lead to discouragement for Mom . She has started right where she needs to begin - by depending on the Lord and crying out to him . " If any of you lack wisdom , let him ask of God , that giveth to all men liberally , and upbraideth not ; and it shall be given him . But let him ask in faith , nothing wavering . . . " ( James 1 : 5 - 6 ) . We know that when we are weak , without answers , the Lord Jesus is strong . " And he said unto me , My grace is sufficient for thee : for my strength is made perfect in weakness . . . " ( 2 Corinthians 12 : 9 ) . I believe what is being dealt with here is very normal childish behavior . Scripture speaks to this in 1 Corinthians 13 : 11 . " When I was a child , I spake as a child , I understood as a child , I thought as a child : but when I became a man , I put away childish things . " Children are simply children - full of life , excitement , and most certainly childish ways . We can expect them to act like children while they are children . Our goal is to help them mature into a godly adult with a heart to serve and obey Jesus . " Train up a child in the way he should go : and when he is old , he will not depart from it " ( Proverbs 22 : 6 ) . " And , ye fathers , provoke not your children to wrath : but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord " ( Ephesians 6 : 4 ) . This is a gradual process best facilitated little by little with loving encouragement , gentleness , and consistent consequences . Here are two verses that support this approach , " The wise in heart shall be called prudent : and the sweetness of the lips increaseth learning " ( Proverbs 16 : 21 ) . " For precept must be upon precept , precept upon precept ; line upon line , line upon line ; here a little , and there a little " ( Isaiah 28 : 10 ) . What we want to have happen as we disciple and teach our children is to tell them what they are to do , demonstrate it for them , watch them do it , encourage them , and then have them do it perfectly from then on . However , that simply isn 't the way it always works . Remember with me and say it to yourself again , " They are just children . " It takes a mom 's ongoing time , effort , and consistency to achieve the desired goal . In this case , as in almost every case that involves children 's behavior , consistency of consequence is more important than the actual consequence itself . It isn 't the exact consequence that matters most , but it is the utilizing of the consequence every time it is needed . It is likely that even though this mom has been in the kitchen with the children , she hasn 't been consistent with her consequences . Let 's take a very normal problem and assign it a consequence . The problem is that a child isn 't doing his cleanup job but instead is reading the mail sitting on the kitchen counter . If we have designated ten minutes of sitting on a chair during free time as a consequence for a child who isn 't doing his kitchen work , then we would give that consequence . I am certain that if the consequence is given and utilized EVERY time the child begins to read the mail , he will soon stop doing it and stick to his task . What happens , though , is that we remind the child to get back to work or he will receive the consequence . He stops reading but soon is back to it , and again we remind him to do his job . We would do better in teaching our children to be responsible by giving them the consequence right away and giving it consistently every time . If we make it a simple consequence like sitting on a chair during free time , we are more likely to actually use the consequence . If the consequence is difficult to implement or if we feel it is too hard , we will tend to continue with the reminders to help the children avoid it . We know the children in the example can do what they are supposed to do because they did the job the mom wanted them to do when she had a reward for them - a wrapped present to be opened upon the successful completion of KP . A reward like that is okay once in a while , but we desire that our children learn to do what they should do simply because they need to do it , not because there is a reward for it . This mom found through her little experiment with the package that her children were very capable of doing what she was asking them to do , doing it well , and doing it in a timely fashion . Now she just wants to continue with her training and discipline to bring her children to maturity in doing these things without rewards , reminders , or consequences . Personally , I would work toward having the children become responsible in their jobs but allowing them to talk and enjoy each other 's fellowship as they are in the kitchen together . In our family , this is one of the greatest blessings of tackling a job as a group - being able to talk as we work . While the children are fellowshipping through their KP duties , their work will go much more quickly and they are building those lifelong relationships . Our family loves working together . However , talking can lead to goofiness , which undermines the task at hand , so there have to be consequences that are set in place for playing rather than working and for not doing a good job . Consider making the consequence for poor quality work having to redo the job during the child 's free time . Since this is an after - lunch cleanup , if a child is required to redo several of his jobs , it will most likely mean he isn 't ready to start the afternoon 's schoolwork on time . Then are two choices . The first possibility would be to have him redo the poor or undone work right then , and begin school later . For however much later school is started , it would go that much later in the day . For example , let 's say it is 12 : 55 when Mom inspects the kitchen and sees a child 's work that needs to be redone . She calls her child to redo the work , and it takes him until 1 : 15 to accomplish the tasks . School was to begin at 1 : 00 , so he now has to go fifteen minutes later in the afternoon with school than he normally would go . The second possibility would be to begin school at the scheduled time , and then when free time arrives , have the child redo his work . For example , if the child didn 't load the dishes into the dishwasher after lunch and some of those dishes are needed for an afternoon snack , he could be required to wash and dry the dishes by hand . However , if the dishes aren 't needed until dinnertime , there might be opportunity after school for him to redo his job . Which way to work the consequence would depend on whether the chore has to be accomplished correctly for other aspects of the day to continue . If the consequence , consistently used , isn 't working , then one raises the impact of the consequence . In this case , the mom could begin adding extra time doing other jobs , doing schoolwork , or for a younger child , sitting on a chair . If that isn 't working , add more time . But remember with me , and say it to yourself again , " I have to be consistent . " If your consequence isn 't working , reevaluate whether you are being consistent . This mom might try to give her children an incentive to move through their work in a timely fashion , such as free time before the next scheduled activity . For example , breakfast cleanup could be scheduled for a half hour , but you know it should only take fifteen minutes . If the children are working efficiently , they will have fifteen minutes of free time before school starts . However , if they goof off during their meal cleanup , they would be using up their free time . If that happens , then it really doesn 't matter much because it was just their free time that was impacted . Just be careful , though , not to always use rewards and thereby teach your children to work only if there is a reward . I have regularly dismissed all the kitchen helpers and left the work to one child whom I observed not doing his work . Extra work for our children has been a good consequence that I can use consistently . I would also consider using extra work for the child who isn 't doing a good job with his task - give him a sibling 's job in addition to his own work - particularly if this could reward the child who is being thorough and diligent with his work , releasing him from it for a day or two or more . " I have really taken your counsel to heart , especially the encouragement to be consistent and the ideas to add more work for those trying to sneak out of work ! ! I can assure you that these , perhaps obvious , thoughts have truly brought PEACE to my home after each meal ! ! It was really helpful for me to hear from you that my children WILL grow into maturity ! ! I believe this is true AS LONG AS I train them in that right direction . " Using consequences consistently is vitally important to gaining results in teaching our children to do what the need to do . We also want to remember that they are children and not expect adult behavior from them . Look back at their level of responsibility two years ago , and it is likely there has been progress . Two years in the future , it will have progressed even further . May I encourage you to lovingly , gently , and consistently tackle any areas with your children - like KP - that have had you discouraged ? I believe you will be happily surprised with the results . ( We hadn 't realized we never completed a series we started earlier this year ! So , here is the final part . ) This month I want to finish the response to the questions contained in this e - mail : " I was just reading your latest Mom 's Corner and was wondering about you addressing something in the future . We are trying to raise five children , ages six years down to eight months , in the way God would want . I am having difficulty with bickering , bickering , and more bickering . The children complain about having to do chores and not getting enough play time because they have to do school . We are homeschooling . I try to explain that we help each other and should treat each other as we would have others treat us . Also of note . . . I feel my time is so divided , especially with twin eight month olds . I don 't feel like I have the time to do all the things that need to be done such as when it comes to getting the children to listen and be kind to each other . I know that this should be the priority , but it seems too hard . " Mom to Five To tackle the complaining about chores , doing school , or not having enough play time , much of what was shared in parts one and two of these articles will apply . In this case , once again , the consequences have to be consistent and effective . The children who complain about chores could be given more chores to do , which is a very natural consequence . However , with little children it can be difficult to come up with additional chores that they are capable of accomplishing since they can do so few chores on their own in the first place . When our younger children complained about chores or school , I often used chair time as a consequence . Since their grumbles were linked to their desire to play rather than do what they needed to do , the consequence was designed to impact what they preferred to do while at the same time making it counterproductive to complain . If it wasn 't convenient for them to sit their chair time right at that moment , I wrote a note so that at lunchtime or later in the afternoon , the child would have his consequence . As would frequently happen in our home , a child would likely make an excuse for his complaining , tell me he wasn 't grumbling , or argue about his consequence . I usually started with five minutes of chair - sitting time . When the excuses or arguing began , I said , " The time is now ten minutes . " If it continued ( as often happened because the first try didn 't work ) , I would say , " The time is now fifteen minutes . " We had a couple of times where a child worked his way up to forty - five minutes . However , we felt the consequence was reasonable and so much better than becoming entangled in an argument with the child . These two verses were the main ones we used with our children concerning complaining and why they shouldn 't grumble . " Do all things without murmurings and disputings " ( Philippians 2 : 14 ) . " And whatsoever ye do in word or deed , do all in the name of the Lord Jesus " ( Colossians 3 : 17 ) . The first verse is the directive not to complain , and the second verse provides the instruction of what the child 's heart attitude is to encompass . Something to take into consideration concerning both the children 's bickering and their complaining would be other influences . The more time children spend playing with friends , the more likely that they will be dissatisfied with their sibling playmates . They come to prefer their friends over their brothers and sisters . In addition , they are usually learning negative attitudes from their friends that they bring home and with which they begin to afflict their family members . Influences that cause unkindness among siblings might also be coming from other activities where our children are around other children . Being exposed to the typical child 's foolishness can lead our children to mirror that same foolishness in their lives with their brothers and sisters . This mom also indicated that she doesn 't feel like she has time to stop and teach the children when a problem surfaces . She knows , though , the vital importance of investing time in the discipleship process with her children . I want to encourage this mom in the use of a daily schedule so that she is more productive and has time available not only to give her children consequences when they bicker but also to teach them how to be sweet to each other . With five children , including twin eight month old babies , this mom most certainly has plenty to keep her busy . It is no wonder that she would struggle with time pressures and not think she has time to instruct her children when they are bickering . I firmly believe that a schedule is the key she needs to help her have the time to keep up with her household responsibilities , homeschool her children , and interact with them when they are not getting along well . Our book Managers of Their Homes has much more information on scheduling and includes a Scheduling Kit ( colored squares and sticky tac ) . Especially for those who don 't think they can schedule , it is designed to make the process as easy as possible . Daily , we receive testimonies about how this book is being used as a tool to transform families . To read some of them , just click on product testimonies at the above link . Even if you haven 't felt you could ever make or use a schedule , if you have a need in your home , I encourage you to consider a schedule as a solution . Life with little children will bring bickering between them , complaining about responsibility , and time pressure for Mom . We know the importance of raising our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord , so addressing these problems is vitally important . As a mom whose children are much older than the mom who wrote the introductory e - mail , I know firsthand the necessity of praying for ourselves and our children . I encourage young moms to expect the process of discipling their children to be a long - term project and to willingly invest their hearts into it . Then you want to look for consistent consequences that you can give with a loving attitude while evaluating any influences that may be undermining the work you are doing with your children . May I encourage you to be a mom who puts a schedule in place so that she will have the needed time to continually instruct her children in the way they should go . Let us run with patience the race that is set before us ( Hebrews 12 : 1 ) . Children and chores . I wonder if there is any more difficult area of raising children to tackle than this one . In the chore survey we sent out with the June Corners , we gathered a huge quantity of information about chores . In a nutshell , from the questions we asked , here is a summary . Most moms weren 't prepared , while growing up , to be homemakers . Consequently , they have struggled - some greatly - with taking care of their families and homes . A handful of the respondents were prepared . Those who were prepared attribute it to having to do chores when they were children . Every one of the over 250 survey respondents believed that chores were beneficial for the children and the family . The list of reasons why chores are good was long and varied . Some of the benefits were current for the child , the family , and the home . Many of the benefits would be realized and enjoyed throughout the adult years of the child 's life . The chore poll confirmed what we already knew : that chores are important in our children 's lives , and chores need to be made a priority in our homes . In our culture , with its " let children be children " philosophy , it is easy to believe we are doing our children a disservice by expecting them to have responsibility as they are growing up . In reality , the opposite is true . If we choose not to give our children chores and teach them to accomplish them well , we are handicapping our children for their futures as adults . There are a multitude of long - term benefits our children will realize from the disciplines and skills they will develop as a result of chore responsibilities . At one point , Steve and I realized our struggles with many unsuccessful years of chores had come because we wanted our children to be responsible for their chores , but we hadn 't made it the priority it needed to be to ensure that it happened . As is so often true of anything good we want to accomplish in our children 's lives , it comes back to Mom . If I don 't have an accepting attitude toward my work , the children won 't toward theirs . If I don 't assign the children chores , they won 't do any . If I don 't schedule a time for them to do chores , they will forget all day . If I don 't check their work , they will do it sloppily , if at all . If I don 't give consequences , they won 't be motivated to improve their chore performance . To be honest , I would like it if so much didn 't depend on me . At the same time , I know the Lord uses all of this not only in my children 's lives , but also in my life . I am told in Galatians 6 : 9 , " And let us not be weary in well doing : for in due season we shall reap , if we faint not . " Even if this part of motherhood is difficult , I am not to give up . I am not to grow weary . I have to admit I have wanted to give up - more than once ! I can remember telling Steve that perhaps I could let the children grow up but keep their bedroom doors closed and never go in . I would ignore the fact that they weren 't doing what they had been assigned to do in their rooms . Eventually they would be adults . It would no longer be my responsibility as to whether they picked up their bedrooms or didn 't . Even while speaking those words , I knew this was not an option the Lord was putting before me . He had told me in Titus 2 : 4 to love my children . Part of loving them was the necessity of teaching them to be responsible . This area of children and chores is vitally important . As we have studied chores and their impact on children 's lives and then on them as adults , we have come to see that chores are as critical as homeschooling is . It is as essential a part of their education as their book work . Being aware of the benefits of chores is a major part of the necessary motivation to make the daily decisions that will foster chore success . My encouragement to you is to make chores a priority for your children . Consider chores as much a part of your child 's education as his math book is . When you view chores in this light , you will be motivated to invest the time and energy needed to be successful with chores . After all , it does mostly fall back on us moms . Will we women , who seek the best for our children , hold them responsible to do their chores ? This week seven - year - old Mary , eleven - year - old Anna , and I spent fifteen minutes each day polishing kitchen cabinets . That is a task that looked daunting to me , although I am serious about trying to tackle it at least once a year . My engineer husband has convinced me that if I want my kitchen cabinets to stay nice , I need to take care of them properly . As we evaluated this need and my time , we realized that this was the perfect opportunity to include the girls in a job where they could work with Mom . Each day it seemed that our fifteen minutes was up almost as soon as we started . Our time was filled with happy chatter , typical of mommies and their little girls . After two days , our nine - year - old son said he would like to join us in our project . At that point , I headed to the store to purchase two more bottles of furniture polish . As we polished and buffed , I asked the children if they could explain the purpose of what we were doing . They did well in knowing that the polish cleaned and protected the wood . Next I questioned them on why we wanted to take care of the cabinets . They decided it was so that they would stay in good condition and look pretty . I presented them with a third question , asking why we wouldn 't just let them get messed up and then replace them . That question was a stumper for them . In their minds , it sounded reasonable just to have Daddy buy new cabinets when they no longer looked acceptable . This headed us into a discussion of being good stewards of what Jesus has given to us . That evening in our family Bible time , stewardship came up . Jesse piped in with , " Oh , yes , Mommy talked to us about being good stewards this morning when we were working on the cabinets . " A simple fifteen minutes of time with my children for several days has netted our family many positive benefits . ( For further information , see Managers of Their Homes . ) The girls have learned a skill they may need in their own homes one day . They are being taught in one of the areas that Titus 2 : 4 - 5 tells the older women to teach the younger women , and that is in being a keeper at home . My son experienced the pleasure found in volunteering to give of his time to help another - to take joy in serving rather than having to be served . We enjoyed fellowship and spiritual discussions . In addition , the cabinets will all be polished with just a few more days of work . Summer , if you don 't school through it , is the perfect time to dig into household cleaning and organizing tasks that don 't fit into normal homeschooling days and weeks . Rather than dreading these jobs , we can enlist the help of the children and discover benefits similar to those our family found in our cabinet - polishing . My girls didn 't complain at all when I explained to them what we were going to do - not on the first day or on subsequent days . They now look at the cabinets with a sense of accomplishment in their eyes . I expect they will be even more careful in the future to have dry hands when they open the cabinet doors and to use the handles . They have seen firsthand how much work it takes to keep up the cabinets . They don 't want to make more work . Consider jobs in your home that need to be done and figure out how to work with your children . Our thirteen - year - old and fifteen - year - old sons are taking over the boys ' bathroom cleaning from their twenty - five - year - old brother , who will add one more sibling to the two he is already teaching piano to this year in lieu of extra cleaning chores . The boys will trade off weeks to do the bathroom cleaning . This week I cleaned their bathroom , explaining step by step what I was doing . For several weeks , I plan to be an observer of the bathroom cleaning until I feel they are consistently doing a good , thorough job . The boys are motivated to learn to maintain their bathroom well because , if they do , Daddy may consider it for a needed remodeling . Here are some verses that have helped Steve and me to see that teaching our children to work will be helpful to them as they grow up . " Go to the ant , thou sluggard ; consider her ways , and be wise : Which having no guide , overseer , or ruler , Provideth her meat in the summer , and gathereth her food in the harvest . How long wilt thou sleep , O sluggard ? when wilt thou arise out of thy sleep ? Yet a little sleep , a little slumber , a little folding of the hands to sleep : So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth , and thy want as an armed man " ( Proverbs 6 : 6 - 11 ) . " The soul of the sluggard desireth , and hath nothing : but the soul of the diligent shall be made fat " ( Proverbs 13 : 4 ) . " The sluggard will not plow by reason of the cold ; therefore shall he beg in harvest , and have nothing " ( Proverbs 20 : 4 ) . Steve and I know how much more we enjoy a work project when we can do it together . We have some fond memories of painting rooms in houses we lived in when first married . Steve did the rolling ; I did the trim . We worked until we collapsed at night and talked the whole time . The same would be true for our children . Doing a project with Dad or Mom helps the time pass quickly while experiencing the joy of fellowship . For many homeschoolers , we have several more weeks of summer left before beginning our new school year . I encourage you to target a bit of this time for working on cleaning and organizing tasks with your children . It is also a prime opportunity to teach them how to do new chores . Working together makes the children more willing participants . May we be moms who help our children toward diligence and away from the curse of being a sluggard . It is Friday cleaning morning at the Maxwell house ! Eleven - year - old Joseph busily oils our oak dining - room table while Anna , age eight , runs the hand - held vacuum over the throw rugs . John , our nine - year - old , is singing as he pushes the vacuum , and Mom is mopping the kitchen and bathroom floor . These are a few of our weekly chores . I would love for my children to have lots of free time . Unfortunately , the more hours they are on their own , the more likely they are to fuss and squabble with each other . We have found schoolwork and housework are very helpful in giving the children positive direction for their time . Then they are able to comfortably handle the free hours they have left . They greatly enjoy their personal time , and the children don 't complain of being bored ! Steve and I want our children to learn to work . We desire for them to have a healthy attitude toward responsibilities , approaching them with diligence and initiative . Having the children help with the daily workload in our home is a part of their training to eventually become good husbands , wives , homemakers , employees , and employers . I need the help of my children to keep up with housework . I would not physically have the time to do it all myself in addition to homeschooling . I remind the children regularly of how much they contribute to the family and lighten my workload . Children love to please their mommies , and usually , mine love to do anything that visibly makes me happy . Much of their attitude toward their work stems from how diligent I am to praise them for help and to encourage them that they are needed members of the family . Chores can present challenges to homeschooling moms . They wonder how much they should expect of their children as far as chores are concerned . Are they giving the children too many or too few jobs ? What kind of work is a child capable of and at what age ? How do you equitably divide the tasks ? When can a child do his chores without being reminded ? What consequences are reasonable for not doing an assigned job or for doing it poorly ? As you are considering chores for your children , I have a starting place . It is often helpful to see how other families structure their chore assignments . While your chore chart won 't be identical to another mom 's , you can glean ideas . You could evaluate what is expected of her children at various ages and determine how the chores are divided among the family members . You will get a picture of how long the chores are probably taking plus how often certain jobs are being done . We have begun a section on our website where you can see real - life chore charts of homeschooling families . ( Update : We now have a book on chores . ) When we announced to the MOTHBoard that these chores charts were available to look at , we received some interesting feedback . " I looked at the charts for the chores . I have to tell you what happened . I printed them out to do some comparing with the charts we use . Well , our nine - year - old son saw me looking at the charts and noticed that compared to other nine - and ten - year - old boys , he has it pretty easy . ' WOW , Mom , look at all they have to do ! ' " Needless to say , after a conversation our son did come to the realization that he could be doing more . Then , of course , so could his sister ! So this morning we made new charts with some more involved chores ! Just by seeing what other children are doing , our son was convicted ! Today the new chores begin ! It looks like Mom is going to get more help ! " Janice " Same here ! My almost nine - year - old son , who moans and groans when asked to fold a pile of towels , which is one of about four or five chores , was amazed at the work that children younger than himself were capable of . A six - year - old clean the bathroom ? Even he agreed that he could easily handle more work , and that 's exactly what I 'm going to give him ! " Amanda As I was writing this Mom 's Corner , I realized something amazing . We have virtually eliminated grumbling about chores in our family ! I am pleased this is the case ; however , it happened unintentionally . It appears , though , there may be several factors as to why we have moved past chore complaints . First , we begin assigning regular chores ( beyond picking up after himself ) around the time a child starts school . Second , the chores are written down . The child knows what is expected of him and so do I . Each child keeps the same chores for at least a year . We also have accountability to ensure the jobs are accomplished . Lastly , the child has a set time each day to do his work . I believe because chores have become so much a part of their daily routine , the children don 't grumble . If I were always to call the children at random times from their play to do this job or that one , they might respond differently . However , even when I need to do this , the response is generally good . Perhaps it is because they have their assigned , scheduled tasks , and I don 't ask for " over and above " help very often . Just tonight I needed extra hands to get dinner on the table . Steve asked two of the children who were not my normal Thursday dinner helpers to pitch in . They did so with sweet , willing attitudes . They were happily surprised to receive an extra portion of dessert as a reward from their daddy for their cooperation ! The responsibility of whether chores are being done , and being done well , falls squarely back on me . I find it is important to take adequate time to train each child in what he is expected to do . It is all too easy to tell my son to vacuum the floor and then be unhappy with a poor job . However , I can 't assume a child knows how to do a task properly until I have taught him . Also important , in addition to chore training , are regular inspections to check on the work . My children become sloppy in their jobs if I am not frequently looking at them . In the past two years we have had periods of time when I am intensely busy for several weeks . The children 's thoroughness in their chores slips greatly because I am not checking their work . I encourage you to have consequences in place for failure to do a job or for not doing it well . The children and I have decided upon a consequence for this in our family . They made the suggestion , and I approved it . For each chore that isn 't done , or is poorly done , they have to sit on a chair for fifteen minutes . This discipline was decided upon because most of our chores take five minutes or less . The children thought that sitting on the chair for fifteen minutes would motivate them to do their jobs since the jobs take much less time than chair sitting would . Whatever consequences you and your husband decide upon , make sure you consistently use them . I suggest you view your children 's chores as a great learning tool . See the benefits in teaching them to work diligently at their chores with a good attitude . Not only is this a help to you now , but you are also training your children for the lifetime of serving and ministering that the Lord Jesus has called them to . Subscribe to the Mom 's Corner . Subscribe to Seriously Dad . The Debt - Free Vision Imagine equipping your children with a debt - free vision ! Recent Posts What Will His Wife be Like ?
|
1 . It didn 't matter where we were . Every time I took a picture of the twins , they were side by side , playing . They really put their bucket of pirates to good use on our trip . I am fascinated by how much their bond has deepened this summer . 2 . During our trip I passed through the territory of so many blogging friends . I was disappointed that I didn 't have time for any meet ups . It 's hard when you are covering so much distance in such a short amount of time . 3 . These pictures were taken at our campsite at Natural Bridge in Kentucky . While it rained both of the nights we were there , our tent held strong and did not leak . And - - even better - - the weather was nice during the day ! We really lucked out . 4 . While we were gone , my garden was completely overtaken by weeds . Deluges of rain wiped out parts of it . I came back and my rows of onions and potatoes had both completely disappeared . My broccoli , cabbage , and brussel sprouts were demolished by bugs . Aside from tomatoes , kale , beets , and carrots , my garden was pretty much a lost cause . 5 . I had planned to start a new spot for some fall crops , but our tiller , which was in the shop for over a month , wasn 't fixed in time . I did manage to plant some kale , lettuce , and spinach . I hope 2014 turns out to be a better gardening year for me . I like soup year - round , but with the cooler temps that come with fall I start craving it . I 've been making this soup for almost a year now , and it 's quickly become one of my favorite healthier soup options . I clipped it from the newspaper , and made a few modifications . I especially love that it is crockpot friendly ( although I have made it on the stovetop before too ) . Ingredients : In a slow cooker , combine onions , garlic , squash , tomatoes , chickpeas , salt , and pepper . Add boullion and water . Cover and cook on high 4 hours OR on low 8 hours until squash is very soft and falling apart . Use a potato masher to further mush up chunks and get a thick soup consistency . Add butter , serve hot . Makes about 6 servings , for 175 calories per serving . I 'm not exactly a NASCAR fan , but when the opportunity came to go see a race , I was outnumbered by all the boys in my house . They were all so excited to go , so how could I say no to that ? On Saturday we drove down to Virginia International Raceway , which is almost two hours south of us . When we arrived , I was pleasantly surprised by how nice it was . The racetrack is spread out all over , and you can walk around wherever you want . We were told the only place we couldn 't go was in the pits . But we were able to walk around the paddocks and everywhere else . The VIR is a resort , so there are many places to explore . It was neat for the boys to be able to check out all the excitement close up . See the truck to the right with the Krispy Kreme driver ? He was 15 years old , and did very well during the race , placing 5th . Hard to imagine , since he can 't even legally hold a driver 's license ! There were plenty of dining options . We didn 't buy any food there , but I did treat the boys to some cotton candy . It was the first time Cort and Reid tried it . Needless to say , it went over very well . There were also several free bouncy houses set up for kids , and our three put them to good use . Then it was time for the race to start . The race was the Biscuitville 125 K and N Pro Series East race . The course was curvy and long , so we were able to view the race from different places as we wandered about . There is even a lodge , which looked very nice . Because the course is so long , they have gazebos scattered throughout so that drivers can see caution flags when they 're up . This car ran into a bit of trouble around this curve , and spun out . Luck was with # 37 and shortly it was right back on the track . There were plenty of places to take a break and drive matchbox cars in your own race along the course . Shady spots with tree roots for driving on were ample . Really , this was the ideal spot for watching a race with kids . I loved that we weren 't crammed into bleachers with a bunch of rowdy people . In the end , Dylan Kwasniewski , # 98 , who had led the field for a large part of the race , took the win . The boys had such a fun time - and I found that I enjoyed it myself - really it was more like a walk in the park ( with car racing ) and this made it such a better experience than I expected . Plus , I confess it was so fun to take pictures of the race cars - I took over 100 pictures total ! Readers , have you ever been to a car race ? We left Nebraska around lunchtime to start our long trip home . Broken into three driving days ( with one free day in Kentucky built in ) , our first day of driving took us to St . Louis . We didn 't have time to do anything fun there , other than a brief swim in the hotel pool . The next morning we got an early start to Kentucky , and fifteen minutes into our drive we saw this : I told the boys that you could go up inside . They were so disappointed that we didn 't have time to stop . I was a little disappointed too . It must be quite interesting from the inside . There were motorcycles to ride , space ships to fly , and faces to paint ( in a previous post , some of you asked if I painted Cort 's face myself , and the answer is yes - using Q - tips ! ) . We dressed like Cornhuskers and threw footballs , and admired this HUGE ( the picture doesn 't do it justice - I took it from the 3rd floor ) sculpture of the Nebraska Capital Building made from Lincoln Logs . There was a room full of water fun , where the boys succeeded in getting their shirts quite wet . And of course , there were prairie dog suits to wear and tunnels to crawl through . We ended with a stop at the gift shop , where the boys ' Grandma was kind enough to treat them to some new Melissa and Doug toys ( plus a pirate umbrella for Cort ) . The boys had an excellent time and were sad when it was time to go . They were so worn out that the twins both fell asleep in the car on the drive when we left ! What a fun day . 1 . On the morning we left Kentucky , Cort found a fantastic ( and huge ) moth in the bathhouse . We gingerly carried it outside , but as it had a broken piece on the tail wing , I don 't know if he was able to fare well or not . He certainly had difficulty in flying . 2 . I love the spots on it 's wings . Does anyone know what type of moth this is ? 3 . On the first day of school , Pierce was supposed to fill up a small bag with ten of his favorite things . He put an antique glass eyeball ( which he got from my grandmother 's house ) in there . Wish I could 've been a fly on the wall for that show and tell . 4 . Speaking of Pierce , recently at the grocery store we were standing in line , and he picked up on the fact that the bagger was wearing an orange visibility vest . He turned to him and said , " Are you from the prison ? From the work crew ? " I almost died . The cashier started laughing , then I started laughing . Then the cashier turned to the bagger and said very solemnly , " What 'd you do ? " . The bagger , in his early 20s , didn 't think it was so funny . 5 . I love the smell of garlic . Guess there 's no vampire in my blood ! Linked with Random Friday at A Rural Journal . 48 Aside from the fire drill ( he hates them ) , he had an excellent week . This year , Pierce was allowed to take a water bottle to school to keep at his desk . Camelbak sent us some nice , BPA - free ones . I have been using their Eddy bottle myself for over a year , and it is very durable and spill proof . When kids get dehydrated , they don 't think as well , so I 'm glad to know Pierce will have water when he needs it . In our back to school preparations , Paul welded some hooks for the backpacks from old horse shoes . Didn 't they turn out cute ? I figure they are sure to have a lucky year , with their school backpacks on hooks like these ! If you are interested in having a similar hanger , you can find them in the Two Bears Farm Etsy shop . Poor Cort and Reid , they have to wait until after Labor Day to go back to their 3 days a week preschool routine . Boy are they ever bent out of shape about it ! It 's just not fair ! Readers , have your kids ( or grandkids ) gone back to school yet ? I 've been making this Reunion Coffee Cake from my Baylor Cookbook for years . It 's not very healthy , but it tastes fantastic . You can use any type of fruit filling you want ( we have also tried apple ) but peach is my favorite . Blend first 7 ingredients in large mixing bowl on low speed . Beat for 3 minutes on high . Gradually stir in flour , baking powder , and salt . Spread 1 / 2 of batter in lightly greased 9x13 inch pan . Place fruit filling by tablespoons over batter . Spoon remaining 1 / 2 of batter on top of pie filling . Bake at 350 * for 30 minutes . Mix powdered sugar and milk , drizzle over cake once it has cooled . It makes a lot , but trust me , it won 't stick around for long ! 25 We don 't have huge kid parties , but we do invite a few family members over to eat lunch and have some cake . There were a number of really cute dinosaur cakes on Pinterest , but most of them were made with fondant . I don 't like working with fondant ( plus , it 's not so tasty in my opinion ) so I did the best I could with buttercream . It 's not perfect by any means , but the twins were thrilled . Between the chocolate buttercream frosting and the wineberry jam in the middle layer , everyone said it was delicious . We took the elevator up to the 14th floor , and the boys had fun looking out over the city of Lincoln . Then we toured the second floor and admired a bust of Buffalo Bill . We finished up with a short stop in the gift shop for a couple of souvenirs . 1 . Look at Harriet . Munching away . In my opinion , she needs to lay off the grass a bit . She looks like a weeble wobble that sprouted four legs . 2 . We drove over 3000 miles on our road trip . With 3 kids . You know what ? They did fantastic . We spread the trip out the best we could ( our longest day of driving was 10 hours - which realistically took us about 12 ) and the kids rolled with it . I was pleasantly surprised . 3 . When we were at Chuck E . Cheese recently , Pierce asked how Chuck E . Cheese goes to the bathroom . I took the easy way out , saying , " I don 't know ; you 'd have to ask him " . Luckily , he didn 't happen to come by again . 4 . Speaking of Pierce , he started first grade on Monday . Hard to believe - summer went by way too fast . I hope he loves his teacher and has a great year . 5 . The twins don 't return to preschool until after Labor Day . They will be in the " 4s class " three mornings a week this year . They will be so happy to see all their old friends when they return . Linked with Random Friday at A Rural Journal . 41 Where I live , people take their NASCAR racing pretty seriously . Fan stickers , yard signs , t - shirts and ball caps - it seems like everyone has a favorite driver . Coming up on August 24th is the Biscuitville 125 NASCAR K and N Pro Series at the Virginia International Raceway . The race will take place on VIR 's North course , which is 2 . 25 miles long with 22 turns and 100 feet of elevation change . Say what ? Yes , check this out ! VIR has been named one of the top six courses in North America by Car and Driver . Family - friendly , it also offers a wide variety of amenities like lodging , dining , a spa , an exclusive driver 's club , karting , off - road racing , skeet shooting and more . The Biscuitville 125 NASCAR K and N Pro Series race is coming up soon , on August 24th ! Tickets are $ 15 for one day or $ 20 for both ( and kids under 12 get in free ) . One lucky reader will win a set of two tickets ! This is the first time NASCAR has come to Virginia International Raceway , so it 's sure to be an exciting event . To enter , just click on the Rafflecopter below . Disclaimer : I received race tickets for my family for review purposes . I will be blogging about the event after we attend , so stay tuned . The boys are very excited to go , with Matchbox car engines revving . At 38 , I 'm starting to get some wrinkles around the corners of my eyes and mouth . They 're not too noticeable - yet - but I definitely want to minimize them as much as possible . I was intrigued when contacted to do a review of the skincare line Bioque , who uses a scientific approach to skincare to do more than just cover up . Bioque products deliver over 80 % beneficial natural compounds below the surface to help skin appear more youthful . They use a high quality of peptides , botanicals , and vitamins , and none of their products are tested on animals or contain parabens . The Serum XL isn 't thick and creamy , like I would have expected . It is a white , liquidy substance , which I spread around my eyes and mouth twice a week for 2 1 / 2 weeks prior to taking the below picture . I am not wearing any makeup in this picture , but you can just barely see the lines around my eyes and the corners of my mouth . They have definitely been minimized in this picture compared to how they were prior to starting to use Bioque . Perhaps even more impressive was the fact that my skin felt much firmer after such a short period of time . The difference , while subtle , was very pleasing . One lucky winner will receive a bottle of Bioque to try for themselves ! Just click on the Rafflecopter giveaway below to enter . Disclaimer : I was provided a bottle of Bioque Serum XL for review purposes . The opinions above are my own . a Rafflecopter giveaway One of the sculptures that we saw in Chicago that the boys were very drawn to is called " Crack the Whip " by Jo Saylors . It shows a group of children , holding hands , and running haphazardly in a line . It 's a lighthearted work , and the boys seemed to identify with the kids . One interesting detail was that one of the girls had lost her shoe . This is an intentional loss on the part of the sculptor , but the boys were a little distressed . They kept trying to put the shoe back on , but it was anchored to the ground . We finally decided that she would have just as much fun running through the mulch in her bare feet , as with a sandal . Readers , what is your favorite sculpture or statue ? Over the past few months , I have really enjoyed creating fun new recipes using International Delight products , but I think this one is my favorite . It 's quick and easy , and it only uses five ingredients ! But the best part is , the slight cinnamon flavor leaves it with a more sophisticated flavor than your typical frozen pie ( like a summer ice cream for adults ) , yet it is still sweet enough to be kid - approved . Place International Delight creamer and chocolate pudding mix in bowl and mix at low speed for 2 minutes . Fold in whipped topping . Place in freezer for 8 hours or overnight . Before serving , put a dollop of whipped topping on top of each piece and sprinkle with chocolate toffee bits . This pie would be wonderful to take to a friend 's for an August dinner , and it whips up so quickly that it is no trouble at all . Even better - you can make it a week in advance and just pop it out of the freezer to serve when needed . We really enjoyed it . Love ice cream + coffee ? This summer , International Delight is bringing your favorite Cold Stone Creamery ice cream flavors to coffee and they 're celebrating by giving away five $ 400 grand prizes to throw this summer 's ultimate Ice Cream Social ! To enter , visit the ID + Ice Cream Pinterest board and pin your favorite image using the # IScream4ID hashtag . Good luck ! Readers , what would you need to throw the ultimate ice cream social ? I can 't begin to tell you how much fun my boys had exploring my inlaws ' barn . You can 't blame them , as it is absolutely fantastic . Built in 1900 , it has stalls for 22 horses . My father - in - law has done the most amazing job keeping it in pristine condition - no small task considering that roof ! The boys all loved how there is a secret nail installed that will open and shut the big barn door . Inside , a long aisle is lined with the original wooden wide planked floor boards . It isn 't hard to imagine the flicks of horses ' tails , and the stomping of hooves . On the walls there hang a few vintage bits , an old rope twitch , and some harnesses . And up in the rafters , you 'll find this old dump truck , filled with bird nests . I 'm not sure how Paul 's old dump truck got so high up . . . If you climb the stairs up , you 'll find rafters and open space - room for loads and loads of hay . I think you 'd be hard - pressed to find a prettier barn anywhere . It certainly spoke to my imagination ! 1 . Cort is a funny kid . He 's always dressing himself up and making us laugh . This is a picture of him walking the streets of downtown Lincoln , sporting his Native American pouch , his lion face ( which he insisted I paint for him at the Children 's Museum ) , and carrying a pirate umbrella he picked out at the gift shop . Our other two boys looked completely normal . . . and then there was Cort . 2 . I taught Pierce how to play Mad Libs during our long car ride back from Nebraska . He LOVED it . And I loved that he was learning to distinguish between verbs , adverbs , adjectives and nouns . 3 . On our trip , Reid saw Pierce writing postcards and immediately he wanted to send postcards too . Reid doesn 't write yet ( other than his name ) but he sent off two postcards anyhow , with pictures he drew on them and his name . They were kind of cute . 4 . I ran 22 miles in Nebraska on gravel roads ( broken into 4 runs ) , swatting at these nasty biting flies the whole way . On one of my runs , a young sweet brown dog adopted me . She ran with me the whole way . I hope she made it home alright afterwards . 5 . One day we went wading in the Platte River which is muddy and flat and spread out . Somehow , Pierce discovered a matchbox truck buried in the muck . It is now his most treasured possession . Found any treasures lately , readers ? While we were in Chicago Paul really wanted me to take Pierce up in the John Hancock Observatory . We all would 've loved to go , but it was rather expensive , so Paul hung up with the twins while I took Pierce up . The twins will get to go if we return when they are older . Pierce and I wondered a bit about how they got the grass up there . Or how they got the water into the skyscraper swimming pools . Pierce thought they must have used a hose . We reluctantly got back in the elevator to head back down . Pierce said , " THAT WAS THE COOLEST THING I ' VE EVER DONE IN MY WHOLE LIFE ! " . Well that sure made it worth the $ 30 in tickets . All images and writing on this site are property of Two Bears Farm unless otherwise stated . Please do not copy any posting or photo from this blog without permission . You may only use a photo if you link back to that particular post with a credit to Two Bears Farm . Thank you !
|
Tabloid scandals have driven TV star Ryan Hertzog to North Carolina 's Outer Banks , where he 's hiding out doing summer stock at his cousin 's seaside theater . When a hookup with local handyman Trey Donovan results in Ryan being photographed butt naked , he vows to keep his pants on and his hands off Trey . How was he supposed to know Trey would turn out to be the summer stock set builder ? As the summer heats up , the paparazzi catch Ryan in increasingly compromising situations . Ryan might be too much drama for a summer fling - and Trey might be just an intermission from Ryan 's Hollywood life . But if they take their cues from Shakespeare , all 's well that ends well . Caution : The following details may be considered spoilerish . Click on a label to see its related details . Click here to toggle all details . Heat Wave : 4 - On - screen , mildly explicit love scenes Erotic Frequency : 4 - Fairly frequent Genre : contemporary , romance Gender : cisgender Orientation : gay , heterosexual , bisexual / pansexual Pairing : female / male , male / male Age : 20s , 30s , 40s Ending : happily ever after Tone : humorous , realistic Themes : abuse , acceptance , angst , commitment , domestic violence , family , Gaslight culture , hurt / comfort , illness / injury , addiction , PTSD , recovery , self - confidence , self - discovery / self - reflection , trust issues , vacation romance , workplace romance Kinks : bondage , dirty talk , frottage , ice / cold play , insertables , intercrural sex , masturbation , phone sex / sexting Era : contemporary Settings : America , bar / club , beach , Los Angeles , North Carolina , small town , theater Careers : actor / media personality / entertainer , business owner , construction , stagehand / crew Chapter One Shit . What happened ? He had a vague memory of a brawny townie smiling at him over a margarita laced with jalapeño peppers , and then later - how many drinks later ? - spicy - hot kisses and a low chuckle and a pool of want in his gut . A promising beginning - too bad he couldn 't remember what had come next . He rolled onto his back and flinched as his muscles protested the movement . A glance to his left granted him a peek at his hookup from the night before . Soft golden stubble on a square jaw . A cauliflower ear . Ryan blinked - had he gone to bed with a boxer ? Then his eyes traced the high , chiseled cheekbones , ruddy from sunshine . They flanked a nose that could charitably be called distinctive , and soft , full lips twitched around a snore . He was in North Carolina . Not to shoot a TV show or a movie or anything real . No , his ass had been banished to this backwater in disgrace . To do summer stock . " Stay out of the tabloids or find another agent . You 're on your third publicist in a year . I can 't get you work if I 'm constantly bailing you out of trouble with the press . " Ryan glanced down at the snoring townie . Having drunk hookups with strangers - of any sex , but particularly male strangers - might be exactly the sort of thing Mike would consider trouble . What exactly had they done the night before ? Had there been drugs ? The room didn 't have the stale smell he associated with regular pot smoking . He looked around . No bongs . Better still , no mirrors lying out on the horizontal surfaces . It appeared the damage from their party was confined to margaritas and that lamp they 'd knocked over on the way to the bed . Gingerly , he eased himself out of the bed and peeked underneath it . A single white sock - not his - and a pair of filthy Converse , again not his . The dark - stained hardwood floor was clean except for the lamp , and his clothes were nowhere to be seen . He racked his brain for a memory , any memory , of their arrival at the townie 's apartment . Did the guy have roommates ? If Ryan opened the door and walked into the living room , would someone see his wedding tackle hanging out ? He tried the door anyway , freezing when a muffled groan emerged from the blankets . But the townie just pulled a pillow over his head and rolled onto his stomach . Poor bastard was probably as hungover as Ryan . Oh so slowly , Ryan eased the door open , wincing as it creaked . He was in luck . His shirt was on the floor outside the bedroom door , and when he picked it up , he discovered one of his socks , a little smelly , but no worse for wear . He pulled on the T - shirt and kept moving . He came around the corner into a bright living room dominated by a massive sectional . His attention was immediately drawn to a flat - screen that would be the envy of any home theater aficionado , but then he spied the other sock beside the couch . No sign of roommates or family members . So far , so good . When he spotted his jeans thrown over the back of the sectional , he grabbed them , then froze again as a memory washed over him . The pants fell to the floor as he remembered the stranger 's rough hands on his body and a stubbled kiss along his spine . The recall evoked a flash of mind - bending pleasure , and he nearly moaned out loud . Clearly , they 'd had a good time . But where the hell was his underwear ? He dropped to his knees and peeked under the sofa . Nothing . It had to weigh two hundred pounds . Pendulous jowls shook as the dog emitted another threat . There , clutched between the dog 's gigantic paws , was Ryan 's favorite pair of briefs . As he watched with growing horror , the hellhound leaned over , snuffled his prize , and started chewing on them . Sheer terror swamped him as he shoved open the front door . Was the dog going to decide to come straight for the source of his new favorite snack ? Ryan didn 't care if roommates , neighbors , or the baby Jesus himself saw his wedding tackle . He was not about to stick around and get eaten by a dog . No matter how tempting those flashes of bend - me - over - the - couch - and - have - your - way - with - me sex were . Trey pulled the pillow down over his ears . Ryan had scrambled out of bed without so much as a peck on the cheek and an It 's been nice . At first Trey had wondered if he 'd gotten up to go to the bathroom , but then the front door had slammed with a sordid finality . And a little insulting . Trey didn 't have much of an ego to bruise - he knew he wasn 't a catch - but he thought they 'd had fun . He wouldn 't normally even try to hook up with a guy who looked like he could be in movies , but the way Ryan had stared at him last night had gone straight to his head . Both heads . And from what he 'd been able to tell , Ryan had been into it - laughing and flirting and kissing like he 'd die if they didn 't . God , those kisses . Trey hadn 't kissed like that in years . With Ryan 's hands in Trey 's hair and whimpers in his throat and his chest heaving like he 'd just dashed the two hundred meter . A spike of pleasure at the memory had soured into resentment when Ryan snuck out of the house . Hell , maybe beautiful people didn 't go in for morning cuddling and pancakes , but they could at least say good - bye , right ? One of Ferdinand 's thunderous barks ripped through the house . Someone was knocking - at seven o ' clock on a Sunday morning ? Throwing his pillow to the side , he sprang up out of bed before the dog really got going and tore up the coffee table again . He grabbed a pair of boxers out of the basket of clean laundry and pulled them on . Had he taken a wrong turn on the way to the bathroom and ended up outside ? Trey 's heart leaped . Ryan hadn 't been sneaking out without saying good - bye after all . They could still have pancakes and some cuddling . He wanted to explore that cute constellation of freckles on Ryan 's shoulders more closely , and hear him laugh , and maybe kiss him until they forgot their hangovers . Trey scanned the room . The sandals were by the door ; he picked those up and thrust them through the crack at Ryan . When he crossed to the couch to collect Ryan 's fancy designer jeans , the door closed with a bang behind him . Ryan flinched at the steely cold in Mason 's voice . He 'd known Mason since they were kids - Mason had been best friends forever with Ryan 's cousin Caroline . Ryan had idolized Mason for years , and was embarrassed to be called into the office for a dressing down . He couldn 't meet Mason 's gaze , so he looked at the newspaper , where his own pasty - white ass cheeks were plastered across the front page . Below the fold , of course . This was a family - oriented town . But there they were . And they did not give credit to the million hours a week Ryan spent at the gym . As for that headline . . . " You are here because Caro said please . You are here because Caro promised me you would stay out of trouble . You are here because my goddamn theater is bleeding money and you agreed to work for free . Do not hammer the nail in my coffin , boy , unless you plan to share it . " The unfairness of it all soured in Ryan 's stomach . Shame boiled under the surface , the kind of shame that would usually make him lash out , but Mason was right . He was here because Caro had offered him a safe place to land when he 'd fallen , and he wasn 't going to repay her by putting her theater out of business . So , humiliating as it was , he sucked it up and told the truth . Ryan didn 't want to inadvertently out anyone , so gender - neutral pronouns were best . He brightened a little - maybe Trey was in the closet and this would never go beyond the two of them . Ryan 's face burned hotter . It was hardly fair to hope his hookup was closeted just because his own bisexuality was inconvenient . Was that a bit of a smile lingering around Mason 's lips ? Mason was a good - looking dude : a big black man with gleaming white teeth , a shaved head , and a propensity for wearing tight T - shirts . Ryan liked Mason 's smile - had always liked Mason 's smile - so he played to his audience . Nicknames . Nicknames were good . Snide comments about theater versus film were bad . Jesus , talking to a pissed - off Mason was like walking a tight rope . Mason 's smile fell . " I told you not to use words you don 't understand . Your cousin - who is worth a dozen of you - thinks the sun rises and sets out of this - " Mason 's finger landed on the paper , right on Ryan 's butt " - lily - white ass . So grow up . Get your shit together , Ry . I don 't want to see your stage name in the Herald unless it 's in the context of a ' who knew he could actually act ? ' review . Got it ? " Trey sat in the tiny waiting room , staring at the Bible verse on the wall , with the smell of lavender heavy in his nostrils . He didn 't find Bible verses or lavender comforting , but Dr . Wharton 's new - age music wasn 't so bad . It suited the soothing blue walls and the seashell paintings . Across the room , a sullen teenager glared at him and shoved earbuds into her ears . The door in the corner opened , its familiar creak drawing Trey 's gaze . The doctor smiled at him , all big hair and kind eyes . " Come on , Trey . " She turned to the teenager . " Ava ? " The girl tugged one of her earbuds out and glanced up . " Katelyn 's going to do your med check today , okay ? " The girl nodded , shoved the earbud back into place , and returned her attention to her phone . He glanced up at her then , and she smiled , dimples carving grooves into her tanned cheeks . Slumping back in the chair , he sighed . " It 's fine . The actors are coming in for the read through on Monday morning , then my crew is going to start the sets for Julius Caesar . " Resentment pushed at him , and he couldn 't quite put his finger on why . " I hooked up with someone a couple nights ago . A tourist , I guess . I met him at that tacky place on the beach with the jalapeño margaritas . " Jesus , what part of hookup didn 't she understand ? " No . I didn 't even get his number . It was a hookup , " he repeated , as if that explained the sudden flare of anger that had him tightening his grip on the chair 's arm . His laugh . His face . He stared at my lips like he was hungry . Being wanted is such a turn - on . Trey shrugged . " I don 't know . " " He was laughing . You know , like - " Trey threw his head back and laughed in a gruesome imitation of Ryan 's carefree cackle . " Like he didn 't care what he looked like or who was watching . Like he was having the time of his life . It was fun . " " Overworked . Bossy . Pregnant . " He smiled , relieved at the change of subject , because Kim 's pregnancy announcement was the best news he 'd had all year . He 'd been high - spirited , giddy even , for the first time in months . It was no wonder Ryan 's laugh had drawn him in that night - a good mood , shared , seemed to multiply . " Of course . I love kids . Ferdy loves kids too , so . " He relaxed back into the chair a little more . " I 'm really happy for Kim and Danny . " He choked in a gasp , then exhaled it as he shook his head . " I can 't . I started clearing off his toolbox , and I got all panicky . I took a Xanax , and I started to feel better , but then I got sleepy . I can 't do it if I 'm not awake for it , and I can 't do it without the Xanax . It 's too much . " " I know you don 't want to . But think how good it will feel to reclaim that space for yourself . He 's not coming back , and it 's okay to use that space . " " I know . I 'm just . . . I see his things . I see them , and it 's so awful , Doc . I don 't know how to do it . " " One step at a time . Three months ago you couldn 't open the door . You 're doing fine . Maybe next time , try taking Ferdinand with you . See if his presence helps you feel safe , okay ? " " Okay . " He didn 't feel fine . He felt like a mess . A mess who couldn 't even walk into his own garage without having a panic attack . " Recovering from your physical injuries was easy compared to the work you 're doing now . You 're a strong man , Trey . You 've accomplished a lot . But it 's hard work . " " I know . " He did . Therapy left him wrung out and exhausted and most weeks he left with his eyes swollen from all the tears he couldn 't seem to stop . Angry tears , ashamed tears . He could feel them now , pricking at his eyes and stinging his nose . " I brought tequil - Wow . " Caro took two steps into the house and froze , jaw hanging open . " This is the nicest rental house I 've ever seen . Holy shit , how much are you paying for this place ? " " You bought it ? You bought a house ? Are you fucking kidding me ? You told me you would never move back to the island . You told me - " A swell of affection rose in Ryan 's chest . Of course Caro would go there - irreverent , unfazeable Caro . As much a part of Banker 's Shoals as the sand and the salt and the sea air . Caro had no fucks for West Hollywood or West Brady . If he weren 't her cousin , would she have any fucks to give for Bryan Hart ? " He dated Ali for a few years - she introduced us . " It was still weird for Ryan to think of West and Ali 's relationship in the past tense - their recent breakup had stunned him . " He practically lived in our house when he wasn 't on location . " " She 's not my girlfriend ; she 's my roommate . And no , he owns a house on Banker 's Shoals because I talked about it so much he vacationed here last year and decided to buy a place . Look , he 's a good guy . He let me borrow his house for the summer . " And if I get my shit together , he might have a role for me when I go back to LA . " Okay . I 'm sorry . One of these days you 'll have to explain the whole Ali thing , but I 'm not going to grill you about it tonight . Margaritas ? " She held up the bottle of tequila , and Ryan flinched , remembering jalapeños and a hangover . West Brady 's kitchen was a work of art . All gleaming metal and marble . Ryan set the tequila on the counter and made his way to the glass - fronted Sub - Zero wine fridge . He recognized the labels on many of the bottles from a trip to Napa with West and Ali . West had been madly in love with Ali , willing to do anything she wanted in bed , and when she 'd said that she wanted to watch him and Ryan together , he 'd laughed and gamely collected Ryan and brought him into their circle of gentle affection . They hadn 't loved him the way they loved each other , but they 'd made him feel good , and he 'd done his best to give back in return . The three of them had spent idyllic nights sprawled together in a giant bed and their days soaking up sunshine and wine lore . She wouldn 't get the text right away . She wasn 't allowed to have her cell phone in rehab . He had no idea when she 'd get the message , but the thought of her face , and how she 'd smile when she finally saw it - and she would , she 'd smile that special smile that was only for him - it made him smile too . He grabbed two glasses and a bottle of the prosecco he loved - something below Bryan Hart 's or West Brady 's pay grade , but perfect for shy Ryan Hertzog from Banker 's Shoals , North Carolina - and made his way back to the living room . " Oh no . No , no , no , no . " The " reality " show he 'd done four years ago , the one where he and Ali had been paired as the celebrity - him - and the average Jane - ha , like there was anything average about Ali - competing against nine other pairs was an embarrassment to his career and hers . It had given him the best friend of his heart , but it wasn 't exactly a bright spot on his résumé . " To summer stock and home , " he echoed , clinking their glasses together . Joining her on the couch , he took a deep sip of the wine and let the bubbles wash over his tongue . She cuddled up to him and laid her head on his shoulder , and for the first time since his plane touched down in Raleigh , he really did feel like he was home . The start of summer stock season reminded Trey of the first day of school when he 'd been a kid . Nervous anticipation fluttered through his body as he turned off his alarm and pulled on a pair of shorts . A 7 a . m . call meant his morning walk on the beach with Ferdy coincided with a stunning red and gold sunrise over the Atlantic . Trey kicked off his sneakers and let the cool surf wash over his feet , as he shivered with delight . The morning felt special , in no small part due to his eagerness to hear the season 's plays for the first time . He 'd worked for Shakespeare by the Sea every summer for the last five years , building sets and helping Caroline Hertzog with whatever she needed . Aside from a few regulars , the cast changed year by year , but the crew ? They were family . " Trey ! Come meet my cousin , Ryan . " Caro perched on Mason 's desk , facing the door while Mason sat behind the desk like a king in his throne room , grinning at the man opposite him . Ryan . Trey 's breath caught in his throat when Ryan turned to greet him . He had thought maybe he 'd embellished in hindsight , that his hookup couldn 't have been that handsome , but there was no denying Ryan was the most beautiful person he 'd seen in his life . And the way he was looking at Trey now , with surprise and warmth and a hint of shyness - it struck Trey down to his bones . How was it possible this was the same guy who 'd scurried out of his house so fast he 'd forgotten his pants ? " We 've met , actually . " Ryan stood up and shone the full wattage of his smile on Trey , holding out his hand . " It 's nice to see you again . " " I can 't believe you know Trey Donovan , Ry ! " Caro practically screeched , drawing Trey 's attention away from her cousin . " Mase , did you know about this ? " Mason 's eyes widened slightly , then he opened his hands and shrugged . " I had no idea , Caro . " His voice seemed too pat , too unconcerned , and Trey glanced back at Ryan to see an embarrassed flush creeping up his face . Ryan smiled slyly . " And I had a few too many of them , so Trey made sure I didn 't try to sleep on the beach like when I was in high school . But I don 't remember you from high school . Did you go to BS High ? " Trey shook his head . " Nah . I moved here from Savannah with my . . . " swallowing hard , he muscled through the words " . . . with my ex - husband . I 've been working for Caro and Mason for five summers . I mean , I do other stuff the rest of the year . Donovan Remodeling . " He fished a card out of his pocket and handed it over , worried it might be covered with sweat , but who the fuck cared at this point ? " Here for all your household needs . " " Good to know . " Ryan tucked the card into his pocket . " Well , call is in fifteen and I haven 't met the rest of the cast yet , so I 'm gonna mosey out to the stage area . It really is nice to see you , Trey . " Folding her arms across her chest , Caro watched him go with an expression that hovered somewhere between exasperated and bemused , then she focused on Trey , and he was struck by the family resemblance . The upturned hazel eyes that looked fey and enchanting on Ryan were more careworn and lined on Caro , but just as playful . Her brown hair was streaked by sunshine and salt air , and Ryan 's by peroxide and professionals , but the effect was the same . The genuine kindness in her smile was every bit as warm as Ryan 's , and he wondered if they learned that kindness from each other . He 'd gotten the feeling before that Caro had had a rough childhood - her knowledge of navigating the justice system for victims of domestic violence had been a godsend to him eighteen months ago , but since she 'd never explained how she 'd come by that knowledge , he 'd never wanted to pry . He smiled back at her . " Yeah . I was just thinking how much you resemble your cousin . I 'm surprised I didn 't see it when I met him . " She swallowed and glanced at the door . " It 's hard to believe other people think so . I 'm a behind - the - scenes kind of girl . I always have been , and I always will be . " Rubbing her hands together , she jumped down from the desk . " Are you ready to go listen to the read through ? I 'd love to hear some of your set ideas for this year 's plays , and we have a new lighting designer who studied at UNC - Asheville and knows theater in the round techniques . We can all sit in the back and pass notes . " " You knew , didn 't you ? Who my hookup was when I told you that story about the dog ? " Ryan cornered Mason outside the theater during a break in the read through . Mason lit a cigarette and grinned at him . " You have no idea how many shitty things I want to say to you . " Mason 's finger came out and poked him in the chest . " Your cousin has been worried to death about you for years . Drugs , drinking , partying . God only knows what the hell else with that woman . " " I 'm not - God , it 's not like that . I don 't even really like all that shit . I just . . . I just went along with Ali . Sure , I 'd do a bump here and there , but I 'm not some cokehead . Hollywood is a hard place . It 's hard work . " He ran a hand through his hair . It sounded like he was complaining about a life other people envied , people like Mason , who instead of directing movies , was directing summer stock in North Carolina . " It 's harder for women , like it is for black guys . " Mason dropped his cigarette on the ground and stepped on it , then picked it up and tossed it in the garbage can . " He 's not the kind of guy you should be toying around with . He 's - Ah shit , Ry . I can 't talk about his business . I care about him a lot . Caro and I both do . You can 't even decide if you 're gay or straight . He doesn 't need to be dragged into your identity crisis du jour . " " I 'm neither . I 'm not gay , and I 'm not straight . It 's pretty fucking simple . I 'm bisexual . And you know what , Mason ? You of all people should know what it 's like . " Mason rolled his eyes and crossed his big arms over his chest . " I don 't want to keep fighting with you . Keep your hands off the crew and your ass out of the papers , and maybe , just maybe , I 'll forgive you for the heartache you 've given your cousin . " " She didn 't . She likes our life . And it didn 't take you long to find a new best friend and flaunt her on the pages of every gossip rag and tabloid in the country . " Trey watched with wide eyes as the actors read through their lines together for the very first time , bringing the story to a sort of half - life . Despite his youthful charm , Ryan managed to inhabit the role of Antony like a second skin . His voice rang out , and though he was seated , he tensed and arched his body with his words , portraying the type of dynamism he 'd likely bring to the stage once they began blocking . Caro laughed . " I 'm glad to hear other people recognize his talent . Before he got cast on that sci - fi show , I wondered if I only thought he was fabulous because he 's my cousin and one of my best friends in the world . " " He 's on TV ? He 's the guy I signed an NDA for ? " Trey searched his memory for the name . " But the form said ' Bryan something . ' " " Yeah , Bryan Hart . That 's his stage name . Ryan 's his real name . So you mean to tell me you were having drinks with one of Hollyweird 's most eligible bachelors , and you didn 't even know it ? " " Explains why he likes you so much . He 's used to people wanting to use him for his fame . If you didn 't recognize him , he would have found it easier to relax with you . " " You couldn 't tell ? He doesn 't flirt with just anybody . I mean , I can 't say for sure , but you could probably totally hit that . " Trey slumped back in his seat . " He ran out of my house in such a hurry he forgot his pants . I don 't think he found my performance as impressive as I find his Mark Antony . " " I am dying to hear his version of this story . " Caro cackled . " Oh , I think you are exactly what he needs . But wait - what did he think of Ferdy ? " Trey glanced at the stage . Terrified of dogs ? But Ferdinand had been in the living room that morning after , and Ryan hadn 't said anything . He 'd . . . oops . He 'd just told Trey to keep his underwear . The yellow briefs Trey had found all chewed up in Ferdy 's bed . Oh hell .
|
Tabloid scandals have driven TV star Ryan Hertzog to North Carolina 's Outer Banks , where he 's hiding out doing summer stock at his cousin 's seaside theater . When a hookup with local handyman Trey Donovan results in Ryan being photographed butt naked , he vows to keep his pants on and his hands off Trey . How was he supposed to know Trey would turn out to be the summer stock set builder ? As the summer heats up , the paparazzi catch Ryan in increasingly compromising situations . Ryan might be too much drama for a summer fling - and Trey might be just an intermission from Ryan 's Hollywood life . But if they take their cues from Shakespeare , all 's well that ends well . Caution : The following details may be considered spoilerish . Click on a label to see its related details . Click here to toggle all details . Heat Wave : 4 - On - screen , mildly explicit love scenes Erotic Frequency : 4 - Fairly frequent Genre : contemporary , romance Gender : cisgender Orientation : gay , heterosexual , bisexual / pansexual Pairing : female / male , male / male Age : 20s , 30s , 40s Ending : happily ever after Tone : humorous , realistic Themes : abuse , acceptance , angst , commitment , domestic violence , family , Gaslight culture , hurt / comfort , illness / injury , addiction , PTSD , recovery , self - confidence , self - discovery / self - reflection , trust issues , vacation romance , workplace romance Kinks : bondage , dirty talk , frottage , ice / cold play , insertables , intercrural sex , masturbation , phone sex / sexting Era : contemporary Settings : America , bar / club , beach , Los Angeles , North Carolina , small town , theater Careers : actor / media personality / entertainer , business owner , construction , stagehand / crew Chapter One Shit . What happened ? He had a vague memory of a brawny townie smiling at him over a margarita laced with jalapeño peppers , and then later - how many drinks later ? - spicy - hot kisses and a low chuckle and a pool of want in his gut . A promising beginning - too bad he couldn 't remember what had come next . He rolled onto his back and flinched as his muscles protested the movement . A glance to his left granted him a peek at his hookup from the night before . Soft golden stubble on a square jaw . A cauliflower ear . Ryan blinked - had he gone to bed with a boxer ? Then his eyes traced the high , chiseled cheekbones , ruddy from sunshine . They flanked a nose that could charitably be called distinctive , and soft , full lips twitched around a snore . He was in North Carolina . Not to shoot a TV show or a movie or anything real . No , his ass had been banished to this backwater in disgrace . To do summer stock . " Stay out of the tabloids or find another agent . You 're on your third publicist in a year . I can 't get you work if I 'm constantly bailing you out of trouble with the press . " Ryan glanced down at the snoring townie . Having drunk hookups with strangers - of any sex , but particularly male strangers - might be exactly the sort of thing Mike would consider trouble . What exactly had they done the night before ? Had there been drugs ? The room didn 't have the stale smell he associated with regular pot smoking . He looked around . No bongs . Better still , no mirrors lying out on the horizontal surfaces . It appeared the damage from their party was confined to margaritas and that lamp they 'd knocked over on the way to the bed . Gingerly , he eased himself out of the bed and peeked underneath it . A single white sock - not his - and a pair of filthy Converse , again not his . The dark - stained hardwood floor was clean except for the lamp , and his clothes were nowhere to be seen . He racked his brain for a memory , any memory , of their arrival at the townie 's apartment . Did the guy have roommates ? If Ryan opened the door and walked into the living room , would someone see his wedding tackle hanging out ? He tried the door anyway , freezing when a muffled groan emerged from the blankets . But the townie just pulled a pillow over his head and rolled onto his stomach . Poor bastard was probably as hungover as Ryan . Oh so slowly , Ryan eased the door open , wincing as it creaked . He was in luck . His shirt was on the floor outside the bedroom door , and when he picked it up , he discovered one of his socks , a little smelly , but no worse for wear . He pulled on the T - shirt and kept moving . He came around the corner into a bright living room dominated by a massive sectional . His attention was immediately drawn to a flat - screen that would be the envy of any home theater aficionado , but then he spied the other sock beside the couch . No sign of roommates or family members . So far , so good . When he spotted his jeans thrown over the back of the sectional , he grabbed them , then froze again as a memory washed over him . The pants fell to the floor as he remembered the stranger 's rough hands on his body and a stubbled kiss along his spine . The recall evoked a flash of mind - bending pleasure , and he nearly moaned out loud . Clearly , they 'd had a good time . But where the hell was his underwear ? He dropped to his knees and peeked under the sofa . Nothing . It had to weigh two hundred pounds . Pendulous jowls shook as the dog emitted another threat . There , clutched between the dog 's gigantic paws , was Ryan 's favorite pair of briefs . As he watched with growing horror , the hellhound leaned over , snuffled his prize , and started chewing on them . Sheer terror swamped him as he shoved open the front door . Was the dog going to decide to come straight for the source of his new favorite snack ? Ryan didn 't care if roommates , neighbors , or the baby Jesus himself saw his wedding tackle . He was not about to stick around and get eaten by a dog . No matter how tempting those flashes of bend - me - over - the - couch - and - have - your - way - with - me sex were . Trey pulled the pillow down over his ears . Ryan had scrambled out of bed without so much as a peck on the cheek and an It 's been nice . At first Trey had wondered if he 'd gotten up to go to the bathroom , but then the front door had slammed with a sordid finality . And a little insulting . Trey didn 't have much of an ego to bruise - he knew he wasn 't a catch - but he thought they 'd had fun . He wouldn 't normally even try to hook up with a guy who looked like he could be in movies , but the way Ryan had stared at him last night had gone straight to his head . Both heads . And from what he 'd been able to tell , Ryan had been into it - laughing and flirting and kissing like he 'd die if they didn 't . God , those kisses . Trey hadn 't kissed like that in years . With Ryan 's hands in Trey 's hair and whimpers in his throat and his chest heaving like he 'd just dashed the two hundred meter . A spike of pleasure at the memory had soured into resentment when Ryan snuck out of the house . Hell , maybe beautiful people didn 't go in for morning cuddling and pancakes , but they could at least say good - bye , right ? One of Ferdinand 's thunderous barks ripped through the house . Someone was knocking - at seven o ' clock on a Sunday morning ? Throwing his pillow to the side , he sprang up out of bed before the dog really got going and tore up the coffee table again . He grabbed a pair of boxers out of the basket of clean laundry and pulled them on . Had he taken a wrong turn on the way to the bathroom and ended up outside ? Trey 's heart leaped . Ryan hadn 't been sneaking out without saying good - bye after all . They could still have pancakes and some cuddling . He wanted to explore that cute constellation of freckles on Ryan 's shoulders more closely , and hear him laugh , and maybe kiss him until they forgot their hangovers . Trey scanned the room . The sandals were by the door ; he picked those up and thrust them through the crack at Ryan . When he crossed to the couch to collect Ryan 's fancy designer jeans , the door closed with a bang behind him . Ryan flinched at the steely cold in Mason 's voice . He 'd known Mason since they were kids - Mason had been best friends forever with Ryan 's cousin Caroline . Ryan had idolized Mason for years , and was embarrassed to be called into the office for a dressing down . He couldn 't meet Mason 's gaze , so he looked at the newspaper , where his own pasty - white ass cheeks were plastered across the front page . Below the fold , of course . This was a family - oriented town . But there they were . And they did not give credit to the million hours a week Ryan spent at the gym . As for that headline . . . " You are here because Caro said please . You are here because Caro promised me you would stay out of trouble . You are here because my goddamn theater is bleeding money and you agreed to work for free . Do not hammer the nail in my coffin , boy , unless you plan to share it . " The unfairness of it all soured in Ryan 's stomach . Shame boiled under the surface , the kind of shame that would usually make him lash out , but Mason was right . He was here because Caro had offered him a safe place to land when he 'd fallen , and he wasn 't going to repay her by putting her theater out of business . So , humiliating as it was , he sucked it up and told the truth . Ryan didn 't want to inadvertently out anyone , so gender - neutral pronouns were best . He brightened a little - maybe Trey was in the closet and this would never go beyond the two of them . Ryan 's face burned hotter . It was hardly fair to hope his hookup was closeted just because his own bisexuality was inconvenient . Was that a bit of a smile lingering around Mason 's lips ? Mason was a good - looking dude : a big black man with gleaming white teeth , a shaved head , and a propensity for wearing tight T - shirts . Ryan liked Mason 's smile - had always liked Mason 's smile - so he played to his audience . Nicknames . Nicknames were good . Snide comments about theater versus film were bad . Jesus , talking to a pissed - off Mason was like walking a tight rope . Mason 's smile fell . " I told you not to use words you don 't understand . Your cousin - who is worth a dozen of you - thinks the sun rises and sets out of this - " Mason 's finger landed on the paper , right on Ryan 's butt " - lily - white ass . So grow up . Get your shit together , Ry . I don 't want to see your stage name in the Herald unless it 's in the context of a ' who knew he could actually act ? ' review . Got it ? " Trey sat in the tiny waiting room , staring at the Bible verse on the wall , with the smell of lavender heavy in his nostrils . He didn 't find Bible verses or lavender comforting , but Dr . Wharton 's new - age music wasn 't so bad . It suited the soothing blue walls and the seashell paintings . Across the room , a sullen teenager glared at him and shoved earbuds into her ears . The door in the corner opened , its familiar creak drawing Trey 's gaze . The doctor smiled at him , all big hair and kind eyes . " Come on , Trey . " She turned to the teenager . " Ava ? " The girl tugged one of her earbuds out and glanced up . " Katelyn 's going to do your med check today , okay ? " The girl nodded , shoved the earbud back into place , and returned her attention to her phone . He glanced up at her then , and she smiled , dimples carving grooves into her tanned cheeks . Slumping back in the chair , he sighed . " It 's fine . The actors are coming in for the read through on Monday morning , then my crew is going to start the sets for Julius Caesar . " Resentment pushed at him , and he couldn 't quite put his finger on why . " I hooked up with someone a couple nights ago . A tourist , I guess . I met him at that tacky place on the beach with the jalapeño margaritas . " Jesus , what part of hookup didn 't she understand ? " No . I didn 't even get his number . It was a hookup , " he repeated , as if that explained the sudden flare of anger that had him tightening his grip on the chair 's arm . His laugh . His face . He stared at my lips like he was hungry . Being wanted is such a turn - on . Trey shrugged . " I don 't know . " " He was laughing . You know , like - " Trey threw his head back and laughed in a gruesome imitation of Ryan 's carefree cackle . " Like he didn 't care what he looked like or who was watching . Like he was having the time of his life . It was fun . " " Overworked . Bossy . Pregnant . " He smiled , relieved at the change of subject , because Kim 's pregnancy announcement was the best news he 'd had all year . He 'd been high - spirited , giddy even , for the first time in months . It was no wonder Ryan 's laugh had drawn him in that night - a good mood , shared , seemed to multiply . " Of course . I love kids . Ferdy loves kids too , so . " He relaxed back into the chair a little more . " I 'm really happy for Kim and Danny . " He choked in a gasp , then exhaled it as he shook his head . " I can 't . I started clearing off his toolbox , and I got all panicky . I took a Xanax , and I started to feel better , but then I got sleepy . I can 't do it if I 'm not awake for it , and I can 't do it without the Xanax . It 's too much . " " I know you don 't want to . But think how good it will feel to reclaim that space for yourself . He 's not coming back , and it 's okay to use that space . " " I know . I 'm just . . . I see his things . I see them , and it 's so awful , Doc . I don 't know how to do it . " " One step at a time . Three months ago you couldn 't open the door . You 're doing fine . Maybe next time , try taking Ferdinand with you . See if his presence helps you feel safe , okay ? " " Okay . " He didn 't feel fine . He felt like a mess . A mess who couldn 't even walk into his own garage without having a panic attack . " Recovering from your physical injuries was easy compared to the work you 're doing now . You 're a strong man , Trey . You 've accomplished a lot . But it 's hard work . " " I know . " He did . Therapy left him wrung out and exhausted and most weeks he left with his eyes swollen from all the tears he couldn 't seem to stop . Angry tears , ashamed tears . He could feel them now , pricking at his eyes and stinging his nose . " I brought tequil - Wow . " Caro took two steps into the house and froze , jaw hanging open . " This is the nicest rental house I 've ever seen . Holy shit , how much are you paying for this place ? " " You bought it ? You bought a house ? Are you fucking kidding me ? You told me you would never move back to the island . You told me - " A swell of affection rose in Ryan 's chest . Of course Caro would go there - irreverent , unfazeable Caro . As much a part of Banker 's Shoals as the sand and the salt and the sea air . Caro had no fucks for West Hollywood or West Brady . If he weren 't her cousin , would she have any fucks to give for Bryan Hart ? " He dated Ali for a few years - she introduced us . " It was still weird for Ryan to think of West and Ali 's relationship in the past tense - their recent breakup had stunned him . " He practically lived in our house when he wasn 't on location . " " She 's not my girlfriend ; she 's my roommate . And no , he owns a house on Banker 's Shoals because I talked about it so much he vacationed here last year and decided to buy a place . Look , he 's a good guy . He let me borrow his house for the summer . " And if I get my shit together , he might have a role for me when I go back to LA . " Okay . I 'm sorry . One of these days you 'll have to explain the whole Ali thing , but I 'm not going to grill you about it tonight . Margaritas ? " She held up the bottle of tequila , and Ryan flinched , remembering jalapeños and a hangover . West Brady 's kitchen was a work of art . All gleaming metal and marble . Ryan set the tequila on the counter and made his way to the glass - fronted Sub - Zero wine fridge . He recognized the labels on many of the bottles from a trip to Napa with West and Ali . West had been madly in love with Ali , willing to do anything she wanted in bed , and when she 'd said that she wanted to watch him and Ryan together , he 'd laughed and gamely collected Ryan and brought him into their circle of gentle affection . They hadn 't loved him the way they loved each other , but they 'd made him feel good , and he 'd done his best to give back in return . The three of them had spent idyllic nights sprawled together in a giant bed and their days soaking up sunshine and wine lore . She wouldn 't get the text right away . She wasn 't allowed to have her cell phone in rehab . He had no idea when she 'd get the message , but the thought of her face , and how she 'd smile when she finally saw it - and she would , she 'd smile that special smile that was only for him - it made him smile too . He grabbed two glasses and a bottle of the prosecco he loved - something below Bryan Hart 's or West Brady 's pay grade , but perfect for shy Ryan Hertzog from Banker 's Shoals , North Carolina - and made his way back to the living room . " Oh no . No , no , no , no . " The " reality " show he 'd done four years ago , the one where he and Ali had been paired as the celebrity - him - and the average Jane - ha , like there was anything average about Ali - competing against nine other pairs was an embarrassment to his career and hers . It had given him the best friend of his heart , but it wasn 't exactly a bright spot on his résumé . " To summer stock and home , " he echoed , clinking their glasses together . Joining her on the couch , he took a deep sip of the wine and let the bubbles wash over his tongue . She cuddled up to him and laid her head on his shoulder , and for the first time since his plane touched down in Raleigh , he really did feel like he was home . The start of summer stock season reminded Trey of the first day of school when he 'd been a kid . Nervous anticipation fluttered through his body as he turned off his alarm and pulled on a pair of shorts . A 7 a . m . call meant his morning walk on the beach with Ferdy coincided with a stunning red and gold sunrise over the Atlantic . Trey kicked off his sneakers and let the cool surf wash over his feet , as he shivered with delight . The morning felt special , in no small part due to his eagerness to hear the season 's plays for the first time . He 'd worked for Shakespeare by the Sea every summer for the last five years , building sets and helping Caroline Hertzog with whatever she needed . Aside from a few regulars , the cast changed year by year , but the crew ? They were family . " Trey ! Come meet my cousin , Ryan . " Caro perched on Mason 's desk , facing the door while Mason sat behind the desk like a king in his throne room , grinning at the man opposite him . Ryan . Trey 's breath caught in his throat when Ryan turned to greet him . He had thought maybe he 'd embellished in hindsight , that his hookup couldn 't have been that handsome , but there was no denying Ryan was the most beautiful person he 'd seen in his life . And the way he was looking at Trey now , with surprise and warmth and a hint of shyness - it struck Trey down to his bones . How was it possible this was the same guy who 'd scurried out of his house so fast he 'd forgotten his pants ? " We 've met , actually . " Ryan stood up and shone the full wattage of his smile on Trey , holding out his hand . " It 's nice to see you again . " " I can 't believe you know Trey Donovan , Ry ! " Caro practically screeched , drawing Trey 's attention away from her cousin . " Mase , did you know about this ? " Mason 's eyes widened slightly , then he opened his hands and shrugged . " I had no idea , Caro . " His voice seemed too pat , too unconcerned , and Trey glanced back at Ryan to see an embarrassed flush creeping up his face . Ryan smiled slyly . " And I had a few too many of them , so Trey made sure I didn 't try to sleep on the beach like when I was in high school . But I don 't remember you from high school . Did you go to BS High ? " Trey shook his head . " Nah . I moved here from Savannah with my . . . " swallowing hard , he muscled through the words " . . . with my ex - husband . I 've been working for Caro and Mason for five summers . I mean , I do other stuff the rest of the year . Donovan Remodeling . " He fished a card out of his pocket and handed it over , worried it might be covered with sweat , but who the fuck cared at this point ? " Here for all your household needs . " " Good to know . " Ryan tucked the card into his pocket . " Well , call is in fifteen and I haven 't met the rest of the cast yet , so I 'm gonna mosey out to the stage area . It really is nice to see you , Trey . " Folding her arms across her chest , Caro watched him go with an expression that hovered somewhere between exasperated and bemused , then she focused on Trey , and he was struck by the family resemblance . The upturned hazel eyes that looked fey and enchanting on Ryan were more careworn and lined on Caro , but just as playful . Her brown hair was streaked by sunshine and salt air , and Ryan 's by peroxide and professionals , but the effect was the same . The genuine kindness in her smile was every bit as warm as Ryan 's , and he wondered if they learned that kindness from each other . He 'd gotten the feeling before that Caro had had a rough childhood - her knowledge of navigating the justice system for victims of domestic violence had been a godsend to him eighteen months ago , but since she 'd never explained how she 'd come by that knowledge , he 'd never wanted to pry . He smiled back at her . " Yeah . I was just thinking how much you resemble your cousin . I 'm surprised I didn 't see it when I met him . " She swallowed and glanced at the door . " It 's hard to believe other people think so . I 'm a behind - the - scenes kind of girl . I always have been , and I always will be . " Rubbing her hands together , she jumped down from the desk . " Are you ready to go listen to the read through ? I 'd love to hear some of your set ideas for this year 's plays , and we have a new lighting designer who studied at UNC - Asheville and knows theater in the round techniques . We can all sit in the back and pass notes . " " You knew , didn 't you ? Who my hookup was when I told you that story about the dog ? " Ryan cornered Mason outside the theater during a break in the read through . Mason lit a cigarette and grinned at him . " You have no idea how many shitty things I want to say to you . " Mason 's finger came out and poked him in the chest . " Your cousin has been worried to death about you for years . Drugs , drinking , partying . God only knows what the hell else with that woman . " " I 'm not - God , it 's not like that . I don 't even really like all that shit . I just . . . I just went along with Ali . Sure , I 'd do a bump here and there , but I 'm not some cokehead . Hollywood is a hard place . It 's hard work . " He ran a hand through his hair . It sounded like he was complaining about a life other people envied , people like Mason , who instead of directing movies , was directing summer stock in North Carolina . " It 's harder for women , like it is for black guys . " Mason dropped his cigarette on the ground and stepped on it , then picked it up and tossed it in the garbage can . " He 's not the kind of guy you should be toying around with . He 's - Ah shit , Ry . I can 't talk about his business . I care about him a lot . Caro and I both do . You can 't even decide if you 're gay or straight . He doesn 't need to be dragged into your identity crisis du jour . " " I 'm neither . I 'm not gay , and I 'm not straight . It 's pretty fucking simple . I 'm bisexual . And you know what , Mason ? You of all people should know what it 's like . " Mason rolled his eyes and crossed his big arms over his chest . " I don 't want to keep fighting with you . Keep your hands off the crew and your ass out of the papers , and maybe , just maybe , I 'll forgive you for the heartache you 've given your cousin . " " She didn 't . She likes our life . And it didn 't take you long to find a new best friend and flaunt her on the pages of every gossip rag and tabloid in the country . " Trey watched with wide eyes as the actors read through their lines together for the very first time , bringing the story to a sort of half - life . Despite his youthful charm , Ryan managed to inhabit the role of Antony like a second skin . His voice rang out , and though he was seated , he tensed and arched his body with his words , portraying the type of dynamism he 'd likely bring to the stage once they began blocking . Caro laughed . " I 'm glad to hear other people recognize his talent . Before he got cast on that sci - fi show , I wondered if I only thought he was fabulous because he 's my cousin and one of my best friends in the world . " " He 's on TV ? He 's the guy I signed an NDA for ? " Trey searched his memory for the name . " But the form said ' Bryan something . ' " " Yeah , Bryan Hart . That 's his stage name . Ryan 's his real name . So you mean to tell me you were having drinks with one of Hollyweird 's most eligible bachelors , and you didn 't even know it ? " " Explains why he likes you so much . He 's used to people wanting to use him for his fame . If you didn 't recognize him , he would have found it easier to relax with you . " " You couldn 't tell ? He doesn 't flirt with just anybody . I mean , I can 't say for sure , but you could probably totally hit that . " Trey slumped back in his seat . " He ran out of my house in such a hurry he forgot his pants . I don 't think he found my performance as impressive as I find his Mark Antony . " " I am dying to hear his version of this story . " Caro cackled . " Oh , I think you are exactly what he needs . But wait - what did he think of Ferdy ? " Trey glanced at the stage . Terrified of dogs ? But Ferdinand had been in the living room that morning after , and Ryan hadn 't said anything . He 'd . . . oops . He 'd just told Trey to keep his underwear . The yellow briefs Trey had found all chewed up in Ferdy 's bed . Oh hell .
|
Tabloid scandals have driven TV star Ryan Hertzog to North Carolina 's Outer Banks , where he 's hiding out doing summer stock at his cousin 's seaside theater . When a hookup with local handyman Trey Donovan results in Ryan being photographed butt naked , he vows to keep his pants on and his hands off Trey . How was he supposed to know Trey would turn out to be the summer stock set builder ? As the summer heats up , the paparazzi catch Ryan in increasingly compromising situations . Ryan might be too much drama for a summer fling - and Trey might be just an intermission from Ryan 's Hollywood life . But if they take their cues from Shakespeare , all 's well that ends well . Caution : The following details may be considered spoilerish . Click on a label to see its related details . Click here to toggle all details . Heat Wave : 4 - On - screen , mildly explicit love scenes Erotic Frequency : 4 - Fairly frequent Genre : contemporary , romance Gender : cisgender Orientation : gay , heterosexual , bisexual / pansexual Pairing : female / male , male / male Age : 20s , 30s , 40s Ending : happily ever after Tone : humorous , realistic Themes : abuse , acceptance , angst , commitment , domestic violence , family , Gaslight culture , hurt / comfort , illness / injury , addiction , PTSD , recovery , self - confidence , self - discovery / self - reflection , trust issues , vacation romance , workplace romance Kinks : bondage , dirty talk , frottage , ice / cold play , insertables , intercrural sex , masturbation , phone sex / sexting Era : contemporary Settings : America , bar / club , beach , Los Angeles , North Carolina , small town , theater Careers : actor / media personality / entertainer , business owner , construction , stagehand / crew Chapter One Shit . What happened ? He had a vague memory of a brawny townie smiling at him over a margarita laced with jalapeño peppers , and then later - how many drinks later ? - spicy - hot kisses and a low chuckle and a pool of want in his gut . A promising beginning - too bad he couldn 't remember what had come next . He rolled onto his back and flinched as his muscles protested the movement . A glance to his left granted him a peek at his hookup from the night before . Soft golden stubble on a square jaw . A cauliflower ear . Ryan blinked - had he gone to bed with a boxer ? Then his eyes traced the high , chiseled cheekbones , ruddy from sunshine . They flanked a nose that could charitably be called distinctive , and soft , full lips twitched around a snore . He was in North Carolina . Not to shoot a TV show or a movie or anything real . No , his ass had been banished to this backwater in disgrace . To do summer stock . " Stay out of the tabloids or find another agent . You 're on your third publicist in a year . I can 't get you work if I 'm constantly bailing you out of trouble with the press . " Ryan glanced down at the snoring townie . Having drunk hookups with strangers - of any sex , but particularly male strangers - might be exactly the sort of thing Mike would consider trouble . What exactly had they done the night before ? Had there been drugs ? The room didn 't have the stale smell he associated with regular pot smoking . He looked around . No bongs . Better still , no mirrors lying out on the horizontal surfaces . It appeared the damage from their party was confined to margaritas and that lamp they 'd knocked over on the way to the bed . Gingerly , he eased himself out of the bed and peeked underneath it . A single white sock - not his - and a pair of filthy Converse , again not his . The dark - stained hardwood floor was clean except for the lamp , and his clothes were nowhere to be seen . He racked his brain for a memory , any memory , of their arrival at the townie 's apartment . Did the guy have roommates ? If Ryan opened the door and walked into the living room , would someone see his wedding tackle hanging out ? He tried the door anyway , freezing when a muffled groan emerged from the blankets . But the townie just pulled a pillow over his head and rolled onto his stomach . Poor bastard was probably as hungover as Ryan . Oh so slowly , Ryan eased the door open , wincing as it creaked . He was in luck . His shirt was on the floor outside the bedroom door , and when he picked it up , he discovered one of his socks , a little smelly , but no worse for wear . He pulled on the T - shirt and kept moving . He came around the corner into a bright living room dominated by a massive sectional . His attention was immediately drawn to a flat - screen that would be the envy of any home theater aficionado , but then he spied the other sock beside the couch . No sign of roommates or family members . So far , so good . When he spotted his jeans thrown over the back of the sectional , he grabbed them , then froze again as a memory washed over him . The pants fell to the floor as he remembered the stranger 's rough hands on his body and a stubbled kiss along his spine . The recall evoked a flash of mind - bending pleasure , and he nearly moaned out loud . Clearly , they 'd had a good time . But where the hell was his underwear ? He dropped to his knees and peeked under the sofa . Nothing . It had to weigh two hundred pounds . Pendulous jowls shook as the dog emitted another threat . There , clutched between the dog 's gigantic paws , was Ryan 's favorite pair of briefs . As he watched with growing horror , the hellhound leaned over , snuffled his prize , and started chewing on them . Sheer terror swamped him as he shoved open the front door . Was the dog going to decide to come straight for the source of his new favorite snack ? Ryan didn 't care if roommates , neighbors , or the baby Jesus himself saw his wedding tackle . He was not about to stick around and get eaten by a dog . No matter how tempting those flashes of bend - me - over - the - couch - and - have - your - way - with - me sex were . Trey pulled the pillow down over his ears . Ryan had scrambled out of bed without so much as a peck on the cheek and an It 's been nice . At first Trey had wondered if he 'd gotten up to go to the bathroom , but then the front door had slammed with a sordid finality . And a little insulting . Trey didn 't have much of an ego to bruise - he knew he wasn 't a catch - but he thought they 'd had fun . He wouldn 't normally even try to hook up with a guy who looked like he could be in movies , but the way Ryan had stared at him last night had gone straight to his head . Both heads . And from what he 'd been able to tell , Ryan had been into it - laughing and flirting and kissing like he 'd die if they didn 't . God , those kisses . Trey hadn 't kissed like that in years . With Ryan 's hands in Trey 's hair and whimpers in his throat and his chest heaving like he 'd just dashed the two hundred meter . A spike of pleasure at the memory had soured into resentment when Ryan snuck out of the house . Hell , maybe beautiful people didn 't go in for morning cuddling and pancakes , but they could at least say good - bye , right ? One of Ferdinand 's thunderous barks ripped through the house . Someone was knocking - at seven o ' clock on a Sunday morning ? Throwing his pillow to the side , he sprang up out of bed before the dog really got going and tore up the coffee table again . He grabbed a pair of boxers out of the basket of clean laundry and pulled them on . Had he taken a wrong turn on the way to the bathroom and ended up outside ? Trey 's heart leaped . Ryan hadn 't been sneaking out without saying good - bye after all . They could still have pancakes and some cuddling . He wanted to explore that cute constellation of freckles on Ryan 's shoulders more closely , and hear him laugh , and maybe kiss him until they forgot their hangovers . Trey scanned the room . The sandals were by the door ; he picked those up and thrust them through the crack at Ryan . When he crossed to the couch to collect Ryan 's fancy designer jeans , the door closed with a bang behind him . Ryan flinched at the steely cold in Mason 's voice . He 'd known Mason since they were kids - Mason had been best friends forever with Ryan 's cousin Caroline . Ryan had idolized Mason for years , and was embarrassed to be called into the office for a dressing down . He couldn 't meet Mason 's gaze , so he looked at the newspaper , where his own pasty - white ass cheeks were plastered across the front page . Below the fold , of course . This was a family - oriented town . But there they were . And they did not give credit to the million hours a week Ryan spent at the gym . As for that headline . . . " You are here because Caro said please . You are here because Caro promised me you would stay out of trouble . You are here because my goddamn theater is bleeding money and you agreed to work for free . Do not hammer the nail in my coffin , boy , unless you plan to share it . " The unfairness of it all soured in Ryan 's stomach . Shame boiled under the surface , the kind of shame that would usually make him lash out , but Mason was right . He was here because Caro had offered him a safe place to land when he 'd fallen , and he wasn 't going to repay her by putting her theater out of business . So , humiliating as it was , he sucked it up and told the truth . Ryan didn 't want to inadvertently out anyone , so gender - neutral pronouns were best . He brightened a little - maybe Trey was in the closet and this would never go beyond the two of them . Ryan 's face burned hotter . It was hardly fair to hope his hookup was closeted just because his own bisexuality was inconvenient . Was that a bit of a smile lingering around Mason 's lips ? Mason was a good - looking dude : a big black man with gleaming white teeth , a shaved head , and a propensity for wearing tight T - shirts . Ryan liked Mason 's smile - had always liked Mason 's smile - so he played to his audience . Nicknames . Nicknames were good . Snide comments about theater versus film were bad . Jesus , talking to a pissed - off Mason was like walking a tight rope . Mason 's smile fell . " I told you not to use words you don 't understand . Your cousin - who is worth a dozen of you - thinks the sun rises and sets out of this - " Mason 's finger landed on the paper , right on Ryan 's butt " - lily - white ass . So grow up . Get your shit together , Ry . I don 't want to see your stage name in the Herald unless it 's in the context of a ' who knew he could actually act ? ' review . Got it ? " Trey sat in the tiny waiting room , staring at the Bible verse on the wall , with the smell of lavender heavy in his nostrils . He didn 't find Bible verses or lavender comforting , but Dr . Wharton 's new - age music wasn 't so bad . It suited the soothing blue walls and the seashell paintings . Across the room , a sullen teenager glared at him and shoved earbuds into her ears . The door in the corner opened , its familiar creak drawing Trey 's gaze . The doctor smiled at him , all big hair and kind eyes . " Come on , Trey . " She turned to the teenager . " Ava ? " The girl tugged one of her earbuds out and glanced up . " Katelyn 's going to do your med check today , okay ? " The girl nodded , shoved the earbud back into place , and returned her attention to her phone . He glanced up at her then , and she smiled , dimples carving grooves into her tanned cheeks . Slumping back in the chair , he sighed . " It 's fine . The actors are coming in for the read through on Monday morning , then my crew is going to start the sets for Julius Caesar . " Resentment pushed at him , and he couldn 't quite put his finger on why . " I hooked up with someone a couple nights ago . A tourist , I guess . I met him at that tacky place on the beach with the jalapeño margaritas . " Jesus , what part of hookup didn 't she understand ? " No . I didn 't even get his number . It was a hookup , " he repeated , as if that explained the sudden flare of anger that had him tightening his grip on the chair 's arm . His laugh . His face . He stared at my lips like he was hungry . Being wanted is such a turn - on . Trey shrugged . " I don 't know . " " He was laughing . You know , like - " Trey threw his head back and laughed in a gruesome imitation of Ryan 's carefree cackle . " Like he didn 't care what he looked like or who was watching . Like he was having the time of his life . It was fun . " " Overworked . Bossy . Pregnant . " He smiled , relieved at the change of subject , because Kim 's pregnancy announcement was the best news he 'd had all year . He 'd been high - spirited , giddy even , for the first time in months . It was no wonder Ryan 's laugh had drawn him in that night - a good mood , shared , seemed to multiply . " Of course . I love kids . Ferdy loves kids too , so . " He relaxed back into the chair a little more . " I 'm really happy for Kim and Danny . " He choked in a gasp , then exhaled it as he shook his head . " I can 't . I started clearing off his toolbox , and I got all panicky . I took a Xanax , and I started to feel better , but then I got sleepy . I can 't do it if I 'm not awake for it , and I can 't do it without the Xanax . It 's too much . " " I know you don 't want to . But think how good it will feel to reclaim that space for yourself . He 's not coming back , and it 's okay to use that space . " " I know . I 'm just . . . I see his things . I see them , and it 's so awful , Doc . I don 't know how to do it . " " One step at a time . Three months ago you couldn 't open the door . You 're doing fine . Maybe next time , try taking Ferdinand with you . See if his presence helps you feel safe , okay ? " " Okay . " He didn 't feel fine . He felt like a mess . A mess who couldn 't even walk into his own garage without having a panic attack . " Recovering from your physical injuries was easy compared to the work you 're doing now . You 're a strong man , Trey . You 've accomplished a lot . But it 's hard work . " " I know . " He did . Therapy left him wrung out and exhausted and most weeks he left with his eyes swollen from all the tears he couldn 't seem to stop . Angry tears , ashamed tears . He could feel them now , pricking at his eyes and stinging his nose . " I brought tequil - Wow . " Caro took two steps into the house and froze , jaw hanging open . " This is the nicest rental house I 've ever seen . Holy shit , how much are you paying for this place ? " " You bought it ? You bought a house ? Are you fucking kidding me ? You told me you would never move back to the island . You told me - " A swell of affection rose in Ryan 's chest . Of course Caro would go there - irreverent , unfazeable Caro . As much a part of Banker 's Shoals as the sand and the salt and the sea air . Caro had no fucks for West Hollywood or West Brady . If he weren 't her cousin , would she have any fucks to give for Bryan Hart ? " He dated Ali for a few years - she introduced us . " It was still weird for Ryan to think of West and Ali 's relationship in the past tense - their recent breakup had stunned him . " He practically lived in our house when he wasn 't on location . " " She 's not my girlfriend ; she 's my roommate . And no , he owns a house on Banker 's Shoals because I talked about it so much he vacationed here last year and decided to buy a place . Look , he 's a good guy . He let me borrow his house for the summer . " And if I get my shit together , he might have a role for me when I go back to LA . " Okay . I 'm sorry . One of these days you 'll have to explain the whole Ali thing , but I 'm not going to grill you about it tonight . Margaritas ? " She held up the bottle of tequila , and Ryan flinched , remembering jalapeños and a hangover . West Brady 's kitchen was a work of art . All gleaming metal and marble . Ryan set the tequila on the counter and made his way to the glass - fronted Sub - Zero wine fridge . He recognized the labels on many of the bottles from a trip to Napa with West and Ali . West had been madly in love with Ali , willing to do anything she wanted in bed , and when she 'd said that she wanted to watch him and Ryan together , he 'd laughed and gamely collected Ryan and brought him into their circle of gentle affection . They hadn 't loved him the way they loved each other , but they 'd made him feel good , and he 'd done his best to give back in return . The three of them had spent idyllic nights sprawled together in a giant bed and their days soaking up sunshine and wine lore . She wouldn 't get the text right away . She wasn 't allowed to have her cell phone in rehab . He had no idea when she 'd get the message , but the thought of her face , and how she 'd smile when she finally saw it - and she would , she 'd smile that special smile that was only for him - it made him smile too . He grabbed two glasses and a bottle of the prosecco he loved - something below Bryan Hart 's or West Brady 's pay grade , but perfect for shy Ryan Hertzog from Banker 's Shoals , North Carolina - and made his way back to the living room . " Oh no . No , no , no , no . " The " reality " show he 'd done four years ago , the one where he and Ali had been paired as the celebrity - him - and the average Jane - ha , like there was anything average about Ali - competing against nine other pairs was an embarrassment to his career and hers . It had given him the best friend of his heart , but it wasn 't exactly a bright spot on his résumé . " To summer stock and home , " he echoed , clinking their glasses together . Joining her on the couch , he took a deep sip of the wine and let the bubbles wash over his tongue . She cuddled up to him and laid her head on his shoulder , and for the first time since his plane touched down in Raleigh , he really did feel like he was home . The start of summer stock season reminded Trey of the first day of school when he 'd been a kid . Nervous anticipation fluttered through his body as he turned off his alarm and pulled on a pair of shorts . A 7 a . m . call meant his morning walk on the beach with Ferdy coincided with a stunning red and gold sunrise over the Atlantic . Trey kicked off his sneakers and let the cool surf wash over his feet , as he shivered with delight . The morning felt special , in no small part due to his eagerness to hear the season 's plays for the first time . He 'd worked for Shakespeare by the Sea every summer for the last five years , building sets and helping Caroline Hertzog with whatever she needed . Aside from a few regulars , the cast changed year by year , but the crew ? They were family . " Trey ! Come meet my cousin , Ryan . " Caro perched on Mason 's desk , facing the door while Mason sat behind the desk like a king in his throne room , grinning at the man opposite him . Ryan . Trey 's breath caught in his throat when Ryan turned to greet him . He had thought maybe he 'd embellished in hindsight , that his hookup couldn 't have been that handsome , but there was no denying Ryan was the most beautiful person he 'd seen in his life . And the way he was looking at Trey now , with surprise and warmth and a hint of shyness - it struck Trey down to his bones . How was it possible this was the same guy who 'd scurried out of his house so fast he 'd forgotten his pants ? " We 've met , actually . " Ryan stood up and shone the full wattage of his smile on Trey , holding out his hand . " It 's nice to see you again . " " I can 't believe you know Trey Donovan , Ry ! " Caro practically screeched , drawing Trey 's attention away from her cousin . " Mase , did you know about this ? " Mason 's eyes widened slightly , then he opened his hands and shrugged . " I had no idea , Caro . " His voice seemed too pat , too unconcerned , and Trey glanced back at Ryan to see an embarrassed flush creeping up his face . Ryan smiled slyly . " And I had a few too many of them , so Trey made sure I didn 't try to sleep on the beach like when I was in high school . But I don 't remember you from high school . Did you go to BS High ? " Trey shook his head . " Nah . I moved here from Savannah with my . . . " swallowing hard , he muscled through the words " . . . with my ex - husband . I 've been working for Caro and Mason for five summers . I mean , I do other stuff the rest of the year . Donovan Remodeling . " He fished a card out of his pocket and handed it over , worried it might be covered with sweat , but who the fuck cared at this point ? " Here for all your household needs . " " Good to know . " Ryan tucked the card into his pocket . " Well , call is in fifteen and I haven 't met the rest of the cast yet , so I 'm gonna mosey out to the stage area . It really is nice to see you , Trey . " Folding her arms across her chest , Caro watched him go with an expression that hovered somewhere between exasperated and bemused , then she focused on Trey , and he was struck by the family resemblance . The upturned hazel eyes that looked fey and enchanting on Ryan were more careworn and lined on Caro , but just as playful . Her brown hair was streaked by sunshine and salt air , and Ryan 's by peroxide and professionals , but the effect was the same . The genuine kindness in her smile was every bit as warm as Ryan 's , and he wondered if they learned that kindness from each other . He 'd gotten the feeling before that Caro had had a rough childhood - her knowledge of navigating the justice system for victims of domestic violence had been a godsend to him eighteen months ago , but since she 'd never explained how she 'd come by that knowledge , he 'd never wanted to pry . He smiled back at her . " Yeah . I was just thinking how much you resemble your cousin . I 'm surprised I didn 't see it when I met him . " She swallowed and glanced at the door . " It 's hard to believe other people think so . I 'm a behind - the - scenes kind of girl . I always have been , and I always will be . " Rubbing her hands together , she jumped down from the desk . " Are you ready to go listen to the read through ? I 'd love to hear some of your set ideas for this year 's plays , and we have a new lighting designer who studied at UNC - Asheville and knows theater in the round techniques . We can all sit in the back and pass notes . " " You knew , didn 't you ? Who my hookup was when I told you that story about the dog ? " Ryan cornered Mason outside the theater during a break in the read through . Mason lit a cigarette and grinned at him . " You have no idea how many shitty things I want to say to you . " Mason 's finger came out and poked him in the chest . " Your cousin has been worried to death about you for years . Drugs , drinking , partying . God only knows what the hell else with that woman . " " I 'm not - God , it 's not like that . I don 't even really like all that shit . I just . . . I just went along with Ali . Sure , I 'd do a bump here and there , but I 'm not some cokehead . Hollywood is a hard place . It 's hard work . " He ran a hand through his hair . It sounded like he was complaining about a life other people envied , people like Mason , who instead of directing movies , was directing summer stock in North Carolina . " It 's harder for women , like it is for black guys . " Mason dropped his cigarette on the ground and stepped on it , then picked it up and tossed it in the garbage can . " He 's not the kind of guy you should be toying around with . He 's - Ah shit , Ry . I can 't talk about his business . I care about him a lot . Caro and I both do . You can 't even decide if you 're gay or straight . He doesn 't need to be dragged into your identity crisis du jour . " " I 'm neither . I 'm not gay , and I 'm not straight . It 's pretty fucking simple . I 'm bisexual . And you know what , Mason ? You of all people should know what it 's like . " Mason rolled his eyes and crossed his big arms over his chest . " I don 't want to keep fighting with you . Keep your hands off the crew and your ass out of the papers , and maybe , just maybe , I 'll forgive you for the heartache you 've given your cousin . " " She didn 't . She likes our life . And it didn 't take you long to find a new best friend and flaunt her on the pages of every gossip rag and tabloid in the country . " Trey watched with wide eyes as the actors read through their lines together for the very first time , bringing the story to a sort of half - life . Despite his youthful charm , Ryan managed to inhabit the role of Antony like a second skin . His voice rang out , and though he was seated , he tensed and arched his body with his words , portraying the type of dynamism he 'd likely bring to the stage once they began blocking . Caro laughed . " I 'm glad to hear other people recognize his talent . Before he got cast on that sci - fi show , I wondered if I only thought he was fabulous because he 's my cousin and one of my best friends in the world . " " He 's on TV ? He 's the guy I signed an NDA for ? " Trey searched his memory for the name . " But the form said ' Bryan something . ' " " Yeah , Bryan Hart . That 's his stage name . Ryan 's his real name . So you mean to tell me you were having drinks with one of Hollyweird 's most eligible bachelors , and you didn 't even know it ? " " Explains why he likes you so much . He 's used to people wanting to use him for his fame . If you didn 't recognize him , he would have found it easier to relax with you . " " You couldn 't tell ? He doesn 't flirt with just anybody . I mean , I can 't say for sure , but you could probably totally hit that . " Trey slumped back in his seat . " He ran out of my house in such a hurry he forgot his pants . I don 't think he found my performance as impressive as I find his Mark Antony . " " I am dying to hear his version of this story . " Caro cackled . " Oh , I think you are exactly what he needs . But wait - what did he think of Ferdy ? " Trey glanced at the stage . Terrified of dogs ? But Ferdinand had been in the living room that morning after , and Ryan hadn 't said anything . He 'd . . . oops . He 'd just told Trey to keep his underwear . The yellow briefs Trey had found all chewed up in Ferdy 's bed . Oh hell .
|
Obviously . In fact , I am the leader of ALL things at our house - - or if I am not , then I should be . Maybe he was on to something with the tiara suggestion . Remember earlier this year when she got to wear a poodle skirt for the 50th day of school ? Well , today was Mia 's 100th Day celebration at school , and she was very excited to wear a special " new " shirt . We made it last week when school was closed . ( Again . ) Fortunately , the note had come home the day before so we knew that we were supposed to design a shirt , and this was a great snow day activity . Mia found a slightly stained shirt to use , and she told me that she wanted to cover it with flowers . I helped her collect all sorts of flowers from my craft supplies . She selected her 100 favorites , a mix of silk , felt , and paper flowers . Next , she arranged them on the shirt , making various designs , and layering smaller flowers on top of larger flowers . Finally , I hot glued them in place . Very simple . This morning she chose to dress herself in flowered leggings , flowered socks , a skirt , and her " special " black shoes . She added a butterfly necklace and butterfly hair tie . Even though we had counted exactly 100 flowers , she felt certain that there were actually a " gazzillion " of them to go with what she called her " garden " theme ! Logan was my summer baby . This means that he will never celebrate his actual birthday at school . Since it is his first year of preschool , I decided that we could have the class celebrate his half birthday today . ( Celebrating half birthdays is not something we have done before at our house , but it seemed appropriate in this instance , and the teacher agreed that it was a perfect idea . ) He even lucked out in that they ended up planning a field trip to the bowling alley ! After the cupcakes had been handed out , someone announced his name and said it was his " birthday " over the P . A . system . I think he thought this was odd , but it didn 't seem to stop him from gobbling up his cupcake while they all sang " Happy Birthday . " Meanwhile , I was just happy to see that he was devouring the whole cupcake since he usually has a habit of eating just the icing , and he had wanted me to make frosting shots for the party . ( He didn 't call them that , of course , but can you imagine giving cups of frosting to a group of preschoolers ? ! ) Anyway , I was glad that these cupcakes were such a hit . To make them , I did a double batch of my favorite white cake recipe and a single batch of my favorite buttercream frosting recipe ( which was not quite enough - - I had three cupcakes that didn 't get frosted , but that was okay since there were plenty for the class . If I had used my angle spatula instead of piping the frosting it would have been plenty . ) . I tinted the frosting green , to simulate grass and topped them with dinosaur fruit snacks from Kroger . The most important part , though , was the dinosaurs . I had been to several stores looking for gummi dinosaurs , and it turns out that nobody carries those in our area . I could have ordered some online , but that would have required more advance planning , and I wouldn 't have wanted to pay the shipping cost , anyway ! Fortunately , someone gave me idea of fruit snacks , which worked great . I placed three on top of each cupcake , mixing up the colors and types of dinosaurs so that there weren 't duplicates on any one cupcake . ( Yes , this is anal and unnecessary . . . I was happy with the results , and more importantly , so was my favorite future paleontologist . ) I also discovered that fruit snacks hold up very well as cupcake toppers , all of the kids liked them , and as a bonus , they were very affordable . I bought two boxes at $ 1 each and still had a few packages left over . After a month , I am getting around to sharing some of Mia 's birthday photos ! These were taken by Erin of E . K . Photography , so be sure to check her out and give her some love . In my opinion , some of the cutest pics of Mia were the ones that Erin took using the paper chains that I made for a backdrop . I saw a photo on Pinterest , which of course , always makes things look easy . This is easy , but there were no directions on how long to make the chains , how many chains to make , or how wide to make the strips , all of which I feel are kind of important to the success of a project ! Here are the steps I used to create this paper chain photo backdrop . Each chain was made using 4 pieces of 12 " x 12 " card stock , cut into 2 inch wide strips with a paper trimmer . ( I had previously tried 1 " and 3 " strips and found them to be too skinny and too fat , respectively . The perfect width , after trial and error , was 2 " strips . ) I stapled each strip into a ring , linking them as I went along . This wasn 't hard , but it did take some time . In total , there were 14 paper chains for the backdrop . Ideally , I would have made more chains for a wider backdrop , but I ran out of card stock - - or at least enough of the same color so that I could make chains that were long enough . ( They had to be taller than Mia , of course . ) Mmmmmm is the only sound you can clearly make when your mouth is full . Coincidence ? I think not - - especially if your mouth is full of this white chocolate goodness ! Warning : This is delicious and dangerously addictive ! Pop popcorn . I add 1 / 2 cup kernels to my air popper . ( You can also use a bag of plain white microwave popcorn . ) Make sure to remove all unpopped kernels . You don 't want to break a tooth ! Place the white chocolate chips into a microwave - safe bowl . You might also wish to add a tablespoon of cooking oil , which helps eliminate scorching . ( Trust me , you don 't want to scorch your chocolate . Smells terrible , and such a waste ! ) Begin cooking at high for 30 seconds . Remove from microwave and stir . Continue cooking for 15 second intervals , stirring in between , until white chocolate is melted . ( This is about 1 minute 15 seconds total for my microwave . ) Pour melted white chocolate over popcorn mixture and stir to combine until it is evenly coated . Spread onto wax paper and allow to harden completely . Store in an air - tight container ( if you happen to have any left over ! ) Perfect for parties - - or just to enjoy , because you know you want to ! I am not sure of the origin of this idea , but I am pretty sure it was floating around on Pinterest . The basic concept is to cut up a sponge into smaller pieces and let kids use them as ink pads for finger painting . Here is what I did for this less messy version of finger painting , which could also be considered printmaking or stamping of fingers , depending upon how the child uses the tools . No matter how you do it , this is a brilliant that gets two thumbs ( or fingers ) up from this crafty mama ! I originally cut my sponge ( brand new ) into six pieces , one per color of paint : red , orange , yellow , green , blue , and purple . Then , I thought better of that idea and cut each section in half again so that each child would have a set ! ( Also , cutting it into twelve sections produced segments that were just the right size for fingers so there was little waste . ) After cutting the sponge , I began completely soaking each section in a color of tempera paint , before realizing that only the top section of the sponge needed to be saturated with paint . Once I realized that , I added less paint to each piece of sponge . As I soaked each section of sponge , I then set it on a Styrofoam tray which became the paint palette . { Sponge Paint Palette } Mia put on her paint shirt and dipped pressed a finger or two onto the paint - laden sponge and then applied the paint to the paper . ( It turned out that Logan was not interested at this time , but I will have the sponges for another time , and can easily add more paint as needed . ) When she was done , she had barely any paint on her fingers , so the clean - up was a breeze ! As a bonus , I didn 't have a messy tray to rinse off because the paint was contained in the small sponge pieces . Overall , this is brilliant , and gets two thumbs ( or fingers ) up from this crafty mama . I 've recently chatted with a couple other people about how I do not make the kids ' valentines . ( That may actually surprise you since I like to make just about everything else ! ) For what they are , though , and considering how little time children actually spend appreciating them , this is not worth it to me . ( I do understand what a friend said , though , about a child wanting a certain theme or character that wasn 't readily available . It was smart of her , in that case , to make them herself ! ) For my kids , I just run out after Valentine 's Day , - - when stuff is on clearance - - and pick up one or two boxes that I know they will like to set aside for the next year . This year , for example , Mia had a choice of Disney fairies or princesses and she selected the fairies . ( I found her a box of princess valentines that came with suckers to use next year . I figure suckers don 't really go bad . Any other candy I would worry about , but suckers should be fine . ) Logan chose Cars , so he will have either the Toy Story ones or the Hot Wheels that I just picked up the other day . They still get choices , but I don 't have to spend 20 minutes in the store while they debate among a million options . So far , it has worked for us . ( And for the record , I 'm not knocking anybody 's choice to make the cutesy homemade kind . I have seen some really awesome ones ! It 's just not something I care to do as long as my kids are fine with the current system . ) That said , we did do a few Valentine 's Day related crafts this February . Mia 's teacher sent home a note a few days before their class party that said they needed to have a valentine holder of some sort . I was trying to figure out what sort of box to use when I remembered the cute felt envelopes featured in the February issue of FamilyFun magazine . We had everything we needed at home , so this was a good choice . I showed Mia the picture , and she loved it , so it was decided . I downloaded the Special Deliveries Envelope pattern and then traced it onto some pink felt that I had left over from making the poodle skirt . ( My only complaint is that they don 't tell you how much felt you need , so let me tell you . I measured it to be about 41 " by 28 . 5 " so allow a bit extra , just in case my measurements are slightly off . ) For embellishment , we added a red felt heart , and Mia selected 2 " blue self - adhesive felt letters . ( We didn 't have a " M " so she decided an upside down " W " would work in its place . ) I skipped the step for cutting holes and threading ribbon through to make this a chair back valentine holder since I wasn 't sure if they would fit the chairs at school , and this seemed like unnecessary effort . It turned out great , and she was very happy . I was also glad that it could easily fit inside her backpack for the bus ride home , which would not have been the case if we had gone with a box of some sort ! As Valentine 's Day approached , Mia felt that we needed some extra decorations and I showed her how I had made some heart - shaped chains inspired by this blogger 's photo that I had seen on Pinterest . Her directions are great , and I wish I had actually read them first . One important step that I missed was starting with folded paper to get that nice edge at the bottom of the heart . I just gave Mia some 1 " strips of red and pink construction paper and showed her how to invert them before stapling ( as opposed to overlapping them for traditional chain links ) . Then , I suggested that she pinch the bottom segment to form the base of the heart . Mostly , she skipped that so her hearts are rounded and sweet - looking instead of crisp and precise . She was happy with the results , so I couldn 't have cared less . Besides , they looked kid - made , and that was the point ! Mia quickly used up the red and pink and asked me to make more strips out of purple and blue paper . By the time she was done , we had a garland that draped nearly all the way from one side of the dining room to the other . ( Some of the chain links were regular circles interspersed among the hearts . ) Today was yet another snow day . ( Well , technically , it was an ice day . ) Anyway , I had some project ideas in mind and one was stamped hearts from toilet paper tubes , which came from this blogger . ( I had wanted to try this before Valentine 's Day , but then Mia 's school needed lots of TP tubes for science night and I sent in all that I had at the time , around 50 ! ) Mia was not interested , but Logan happily created some stamps with the heart - shaped tubes that I made . We had two tubes to work with since I no longer had a big stash of them : one to dip in pink paint and one to dip in purple paint , both of which I poured onto a Styrofoam tray . These stamps were quick and easy to make using the directions found on the Rust & Sunshine blog . My only suggestion would be that you could also cut the tubes in half to make more if you wanted to do this with more kids but were short on tubes . For Mia 's 7th birthday party , she requested a puppy theme . This sweet and simple party was one of my favorites to plan , and it was a big hit with the guests and the birthday girl alike . The colors were primarily brown and white with touches of red and black . I made everything myself , and it was very inexpensive to pull together . Outside of food , I don 't think I spent more than $ 10 ! My favorite part was that in lieu of gifts , we asked for donations to the local Human Society . Despite it being quite snowy on that particular Saturday , several friends turned out with doggie - friendly donations . This seemed to go over well , and now we have a large stash of items to deliver when the weather gets better . I did not serve a full meal . ( Go , me ! Way to keep it " simple " - - at least for me ! ) For snacks , we had a bowl of " pupcorn , " which was just air - popped popcorn . I did add some melted butter and salt , but that was not enough to tempt people when " puppy chow " was an alternative snack . ( Note : I was running low on powdered sugar after making the cake , so I just made a half batch , and that was the perfect amount . ) To round it out with some slightly healthier choices , I made up a tray with crackers , cheese , carrots , and cucumbers . At about 5 minutes to party time , I decided these looked bare and needed to be dressed up , so I grabbed some left over kraft paper and rubber stamps and made little placards that read " pupcorn , " " puppy chow , " and " bone appetit . " ( Yes , I know that " bone " is spelled incorrectly , but you know what I 'm going for , right ? ) . We also had the stamped napkins , good ole IKEA plates and bowls , and Capri Sun juice pouches . ( I typically come up with a themed drink with an appropriately themed name , but I just didn 't have anything for this one , so I made it easy on myself . ) I made a table runner out of kraft paper and hand - stamped it with a homemade paw print stamp . ( Directions can be found here , but I later discovered that Dollar Tree carries a roll of wrapping paper that is pretty doggone similar , if you 're not into DIY projects ! ) Also for the dining room , I made these adorable puppy balloons , which I taped to the chandelier . For a quick and simple centerpiece , I just filled a canning jar with dog biscuits - - two items I already had on hand for everyday life . To welcome guests , I made this front door decoration , again using the homemade paw print stamp on kraft paper . After cutting out each paw print , I " laminated " them all between two pieces of clear contact paper . For the wording , I typed " The Paw - ty is Here ! " in Microsoft Word using the free Puppy Bellies font . Then , I cut out each word , affixed it to kraft paper , and " laminated " them all with contact paper . I taped all the pieces to the outside of the front door with clear tape . The cake that was served for this party with friends was actually the third batch of puppy - themed baked goods that I made . Mia requested a white dog , to look somewhat like our dog , Ritzy . ( My first attempts were these kind of complicated chocolate " pupcakes " that I served at the family shindig . After that , I simplified and went with these paw print cupcakes for school . ) This puppy cake was not actually the way I had envisioned it due to what could have been a cake catastrophe when one of my rounds broke apart as I tried to get it out of the pan . I was planning on making a cake similar to the Care Bear cake from last year , but I think this turned out even better than I previously imagined ! My brilliant husband suggested that the broken round pieces could still be used for something so they turned into floppy ears . To make this cake , I did a double batch of my favorite white cake and a batch of my favorite buttercream frosting . I made two round , one that was 7 " and one that was 8 " ( the one that broke apart ) , plus a half dozen cupcakes . The small round became the face and the broken round was trimmed to make the ears , which were attached with frosting . Then , I frosted it all with my angled spatula . For one cupcake , I removed the wrapper , frosted it all , and stuck it to the face . The nose is a mini peanut butter cup and the " freckles " are brown mini M & Ms . The eyes are brown Reeses Pieces and the eyebrows and mouth are piped with black decorating gel . At this point , it was looking somewhat like a deranged Easter bunny and very little like a dog . Then , two cupcakes were frosted and bumped up against the bottom of the face to make paws . To show definition of toes , I just piped some lined with black decorating gel . The remaining cupcakes were decorated with paw prints made from mini peanut butters cups and brown mini M & Ms . This started to help make it look like a puppy . Then , I realized that I had a red bow left over from Christmas that might look right , and fortunately , it really helped . The addition of the bow made it look more and more like a dog , or at least not like a weird looking lop - eared rabbit . One final addition did the trick . The tongue is cut from a strawberry Fruit Roll - Up . This last touch was what truly made it look like a puppy . I am thankful to my little man for asking , " Where 's the tongue ? " on the morning of the party ! In case you 're wondering , my cake board is just a scrap of cardboard . I covered it with my roll of kraft paper and taped it to the back . In the past I 've used aluminum foil for this , which doesn 't show grease as much , but the brown went with the party colors better . Plus , it covered easily without having to use multiple pieces . The only game I did was Puppy Bingo . ( The rest of the time , they played , so this was just fine . ) I created 6 Bingo cards on white card stock . I made the blank template myself in Microsoft Word , but in retrospect I probably could have found one online and saved myself some time ! For the pictures , I found various clipart on the Internet , pasted it into Word , printed 7 copies , and cut them all out . ( Tip : A paper trimmer saves you time . ) One set I kept in a baggie to the the calling cards . The rest , I glued onto the cards , making each one different . There were a few extra images , so I just omitted different puppies from each card . I " laminated " all of the Bingo cards between two pieces of clear contact paper . The Bingo markers were just squares of kraft paper that I made with a 1 " square craft punch . We played for fun , so there were no prizes awarded . ( I figured they already got enough sweets and they were getting these homemade puppy ears as a take - home gift - - simple ! ) Oh , and just for fun , Brett wore his Snoopy costume ( without my even asking him to ) . This was , of course , cute and sweet . What a good daddy ! I once read that thank you notes should be sent within three months of the event . I think for busy folks , the sooner the better , so my goal was to get them done within three weeks . We just celebrated Mia 's 7th birthday with a puppy paw - ty on the first , so I am going to meet that goal with these photo thank you cards . As a bonus , they serve as a fun and inexpensive souvenir from the party . 1 . During the party , I took pictures of the guests wearing puppy ears and posing in the dog house photo prop . Then , I had them printed at Meijer . For family members who sent gifts , or for kids who didn 't want to pose , I used pictures of Mia , so I had extras printed for this reason . 2 . Next , I folded a piece of kraft paper in half , width wise , and cut along the fold . Then I folded each piece in half again , width wise , to create two cards . 3 . In Microsoft Word , I created a fill - in - the - blank template for the inside of the cards . This fit four to a page in landscape setting and I used this free font . It read : 5 . For the front of the cards , I printed off several of this cute puppy holding a cupcake clip art . Again , I cut these out with my scalloped scissors and adhered them to the center of the cards . Then , I added the date of the party and the phrase " Wonderful Times " with stamps and a black ink pad . Tip : If you don 't have this sort of thing ( both are the dial type of stamp that you see at libraries ) , you can type anything into your computer and print it out . This would give you more choices of font style , size , and color . I really want to write something , but I am too tired to say much . So , here 's an amusing list of things I never thought I 'd have to say at any point in my life . . . None of which , I have ever had to tell my daughter . Please , please tell me that I am not the only one who has said such weird things to her son ! While volunteering in Mia 's first grade class , I noticed some small plastic tubs , each containing a small amount of sand . One child had written her name in the sand . This seemed like something I could easily " hack , " and I was hoping it would get Logan interested in practicing his letters . So I found one of many small wooden trays that we have scattered throughout the house ( This one happened to come with something Melissa and Doug - related in it - - wooden beads , perhaps ? ) and added some salt . Why salt ? Well , I don 't normally have sand readily available , but salt I definitely have plenty of . ( I usually buy the biggest carton I can find since we make so much play dough . ) Next , I scrounged through our alphabet magnets and pulled out one for each letter . I set them on the table and showed him how he use each magnet as a guide . I demonstrated writing the letter in the salt and then shaking the tray gently to clear it . It worked great ! He was excited and actually sat long enough to practice 21 out of 26 letters , which is darn good for someone with the attention span of a goldfish . ( Note : I am not insulting my kid , here , merely pointing out what it is like to try to get a four - year - old boy to do anything that seems remotely educational . ) Once Mia got home from school , she seemed excited by the salt tray , too . She used it to practice her spelling words , which was great . The only downside was that left unattended for too long , Logan started playing in the salt the way he plays with rice and things got a bit messy . Fortunately , salt is easy to clean up . I can 't say the same for sand in my dining room , though , so I am glad I went with salt ! This is the type of project that I debate whether or not to share . Not because I don 't want to share . I do ! I just don 't want people to feel like they should be able to make this themselves . ( Not that you can 't . I 'm sure you 're very crafty ! ) You know what I mean , right ? This is not the type of easy - peasy kids ' craft that I often post here . That said , it really wasn 't that hard to make , so it 's totally do - able if you are planning a puppy paw - ty of your own . This photo prop turned out nicely and helped set the theme for Mia 's 7th birthday paw - ty . Besides being fairly simple to make , it was virtually free ! ( My favorite kind of project , in case you didn 't know . ) All I had to buy was a 59 cent bottle of paint since I ran out after the first coat . As soon as guests arrived , they received a pair of puppy ears . Once they were ready , I had them pose in the doghouse . The photos will be used in the thank - you cards ( more on those later ! ) . Deconstruct the box and lay it flat . Using a pair of sharp scissors ( or a box cutter , if you are more intrepid - - and less accident - prone than myself ) , cut along a seam so that you now have 2 pieces of cardboard . Each one is two sides of the box . Trim away the smaller flaps from one piece . ( In case you are wondering , my cardboard measured 35 1 / 2 " wide by 43 " tall at that point . ) Using a ruler , find the center point of the piece of cardboard . Mark it with a pencil . Next , use the ruler and pencil to make vertical and horizontal lines , dividing the cardboard into quadrants . ( This is not necessary , but I found it helpful ) . Tip : Make all marks on the " outside " of the cardboard : the part that has printing on it . Then , when you flip it over , you will have a perfectly clean piece of cardboard to work with . This was the point when I decided how the roof line should look . I decided to make a horizontal line about 1 / 3 from the top , all the way across , because that looked right visually . Then I used my ruler to draw angles from the outside edges of that line , meeting at the top . ( Remember , I already had a center line , so this is why it was handy . ) I used scissors to cut along the lines and ended up with a triangular point on top of the house . Next up , I made the doggie door . I decided the top of the door would be my center point . I didn 't want it to be very wide , just enough for kids to pop their heads through , otherwise there might be clutter in the background of the photos . I measured 10 " for width , 5 " on either side of the vertical center line , and then drew lines . To get the curve at the top , I traced around the rim of a large plastic bowl . Then , I cut it all out with my scissors . Tip : Since I wasn 't worried about how the part I was cutting away looked , I was free to cut it into smaller chunks . For some reason , I have found small triangles to be easier to work with rather than one large semi - circle . After getting the basic doghouse shape , I flipped my cardboard over to the " clean " side and laid in on a layer of newspaper . I used a foam paintbrush to apply a coat of red acrylic paint , let it dry , and then added a second coat of paint . Once the second coat dried , I took a strip of cardboard ( one of my discarded pieces ) , which was the same width as my doghouse and about 2 inches tall and used this as a straight edge to make lines across the entire house with a black Sharpie . This made it look like wooden boards . I added two " nails " per board along the outside edges . These were just small black hand - drawn circles . I also outlined the rest of the doghouse with black Sharpie for a more finished look . It didn 't look finished , so I took two more strips of cardboard ( again about 2 inches wide ) and cut each one at a 45 degree angle so that they would meet up to make the roof . These , I painted with black acrylic paint and once they were dry , I adhered them with my hot glue gun . To personalize the doghouse , I cut an oval out of some scrap cardboard and painted it with white acrylic paint ( two coats ) . After the paint had dried , I outlined it with black Sharpie and then added another oval set about 1 / 4 " in from the outline . Then I typed " Mia " using this free font and printed it out , trimmed it to size , and glued it the the placard . Lastly , I hot glued the oval to the front of the doghouse . Before displaying the photo prop , I took two extra scraps of rectangular cardboard and hot glued them to the back of the doghouse on either side of the door . I had noticed it was a bit flimsy ( likely because I used more then one side of a box to create it ) , and this served as a necessary reinforcement . To hang it , I used twine which was not elegant , but it fit with the theme just fine . I cut two lengths and used plenty of masking tape to adhere them " stitches " fashion . Then , I taped both lengths of twine to the mantel with clear packaging tape . It had just enough distance between the prop and the fireplace for the kids to kneel behind it for photos . ( Note : I had taped a small section of white plastic table cover behind the opening to the doghouse , and I later wished I had covered the whole area the way I did for the Care Bear photo prop from last year . Despite not thinking of that sooner , it looked pretty good . ) These fun puppy ears doubled as photo props ( for the upcoming thank - you cards ) and as party favors . What can I say ? I like when stuff serves double - duty - - it 's just plain smart . Plus , I saved money by making them myself instead of purchasing them from this site ! Here 's how I made these cute puppy dog ears ( I made 11 pairs total ) for about $ 6 . Fold a piece of felt in half , width - wise . Cut along the fold . Now , take one half piece and fold it in half , lengthwise this time . Cut along the fold . Draw a floppy ear on one side and cut it out . Mine had a triangular notch at the top end . Use this as a template for all the other ears . Trace around it onto the felt . A brown marker works nicely , and even if it shows on the felt later , it doesn 't really clash . ( Note : You can either cut the felt smaller first , or just trace an ear , flip it over , fit the template ear against the tracing , and trace again . Then , cut all traced ears out . I did it both ways , and didn 't really have a preference . ) Lay out ears in sets of two , facing them the desired direction . ( I made each one curve toward the center . ) Then , using a hot glue gun , adhere each ear to a plastic headband . Lay them flat while the glue cools . Cut spots from cream felt . Mine were all shapes and sizes , but you can make basic circles if you prefer . Apply the the ears using the hot glue gun . I took my triangle tip , turned it over , applied the glue to that area , and then folded it over on itself around the plastic headband . Again , lay flat while glue cools . Tip : If glue strings bug you , use your fingers to remove any glue strings . The first batch of " pupcakes " that I made were tricky , and they didn 't hold up as well as I had hoped . So I decided to make a simpler design for the cupcakes that Mia took to school for her birthday . To start , I made this chocolate cake recipe for the second time . This time I was careful to not fill the cups more than 2 / 3 of the way , and I let them bake a bit longer , 20 minutes instead of 18 . This seemed to help . Also , our baking took place on a snow day , so I had two eager little helpers in the kitchen . Beat the butter until fluffy . Slowly add 2 cups of the powdered sugar , beating well . ( Admittedly , I am lazy about sifting it first . I can 't tell if it makes a difference or not . ) Add 1 / 4 cup milk plus vanilla . Slowly beat in the remaining powdered sugar plus the cocoa powder , adding additional milk as needed to get a good consistency for spreading . ( For me , I think it was another two or three tablespoons . Add one at a time , mix , and continue from there . ) To decorate the cupcakes , I spread the frosting on with an angled spatula . My inspiration for these cupcakes came from this picture ( which appear to use Jr . Mints and chocolate chips , inserted point - side down ) . Using candies I had purchased for the previous " pupcakes , " I added a mini Reese 's peanut butter cup ( the kind that comes in a stand - up bag and doesn 't have a wrapper - - perfect for baking ) to the center of each frosted cupcake . To finish the paw prints , I added four " toes " made out of brown mini M & M 's ( I had to first pour them into a bowl and then sort out the ones I wanted , but it wasn 't that much work , certainly quicker than when I sorted them for the Cheer Bear cake . ) That 's it ! They were cute and very delicious . I have done a post about DIY themed napkins before ( Shark party ) but I figure it is worth mentioning again . This is a super quick , easy , and inexpensive way to coordinate with any party theme . Most everything else I use is reusable : cups , plates , bowls , but for kids ' birthday parties it seems like a necessity to have napkins on hand . To make my own , I simply bought a package of 30 white napkins from Dollar Tree . Then I used dog stamps and ink pads that I already owned ( in red and brown ) to personalize them for Mia 's recent puppy paw - ty . Mia helped choose which stamps to use , although I narrowed it down some based on the size of the stamp and whether or not it looked right on the napkin . In the end , we chose 5 designs , so each one was used 6 times . The Christmas joke - of - the - day went well so I decided to make type up some jokes that I found for Valentine 's Day . I included 14 of my favorites from around the web , although she will not have that many days of school this month before Valentine 's Day . Plus , they don 't even have school on Valentine 's Day this year ( and that 's not even counting any more snow days that might crop up . . . ) ! I just typed these in Microsoft Word and included some related clip art , printed them , and cut them out . ( Decorative scissors are optional . ) Each time I pack a lunch , I will tape a joke to her sandwich holder . P . S . If you prefer getting jokes without the DIY effort , just Google " printable Valentine 's Day jokes for kids . " The only problem is that you won 't get to hand - pick the jokes , although most of these were repeated on various sites , so that may not be an issue for you . Enjoy ! I am : wife to Brett , " Mama " to Mia , " Mommy " to Logan , a former teacher / current SAHM , and a bit of a daydreamer . When , I 'm not chauffeuring kids , kissing boo - boos , or matching up socks , you will find me here . This is where I share the good , the bad , and the crazy ideas I 've had . Thanks for visiting !
|
Obviously . In fact , I am the leader of ALL things at our house - - or if I am not , then I should be . Maybe he was on to something with the tiara suggestion . Remember earlier this year when she got to wear a poodle skirt for the 50th day of school ? Well , today was Mia 's 100th Day celebration at school , and she was very excited to wear a special " new " shirt . We made it last week when school was closed . ( Again . ) Fortunately , the note had come home the day before so we knew that we were supposed to design a shirt , and this was a great snow day activity . Mia found a slightly stained shirt to use , and she told me that she wanted to cover it with flowers . I helped her collect all sorts of flowers from my craft supplies . She selected her 100 favorites , a mix of silk , felt , and paper flowers . Next , she arranged them on the shirt , making various designs , and layering smaller flowers on top of larger flowers . Finally , I hot glued them in place . Very simple . This morning she chose to dress herself in flowered leggings , flowered socks , a skirt , and her " special " black shoes . She added a butterfly necklace and butterfly hair tie . Even though we had counted exactly 100 flowers , she felt certain that there were actually a " gazzillion " of them to go with what she called her " garden " theme ! Logan was my summer baby . This means that he will never celebrate his actual birthday at school . Since it is his first year of preschool , I decided that we could have the class celebrate his half birthday today . ( Celebrating half birthdays is not something we have done before at our house , but it seemed appropriate in this instance , and the teacher agreed that it was a perfect idea . ) He even lucked out in that they ended up planning a field trip to the bowling alley ! After the cupcakes had been handed out , someone announced his name and said it was his " birthday " over the P . A . system . I think he thought this was odd , but it didn 't seem to stop him from gobbling up his cupcake while they all sang " Happy Birthday . " Meanwhile , I was just happy to see that he was devouring the whole cupcake since he usually has a habit of eating just the icing , and he had wanted me to make frosting shots for the party . ( He didn 't call them that , of course , but can you imagine giving cups of frosting to a group of preschoolers ? ! ) Anyway , I was glad that these cupcakes were such a hit . To make them , I did a double batch of my favorite white cake recipe and a single batch of my favorite buttercream frosting recipe ( which was not quite enough - - I had three cupcakes that didn 't get frosted , but that was okay since there were plenty for the class . If I had used my angle spatula instead of piping the frosting it would have been plenty . ) . I tinted the frosting green , to simulate grass and topped them with dinosaur fruit snacks from Kroger . The most important part , though , was the dinosaurs . I had been to several stores looking for gummi dinosaurs , and it turns out that nobody carries those in our area . I could have ordered some online , but that would have required more advance planning , and I wouldn 't have wanted to pay the shipping cost , anyway ! Fortunately , someone gave me idea of fruit snacks , which worked great . I placed three on top of each cupcake , mixing up the colors and types of dinosaurs so that there weren 't duplicates on any one cupcake . ( Yes , this is anal and unnecessary . . . I was happy with the results , and more importantly , so was my favorite future paleontologist . ) I also discovered that fruit snacks hold up very well as cupcake toppers , all of the kids liked them , and as a bonus , they were very affordable . I bought two boxes at $ 1 each and still had a few packages left over . After a month , I am getting around to sharing some of Mia 's birthday photos ! These were taken by Erin of E . K . Photography , so be sure to check her out and give her some love . In my opinion , some of the cutest pics of Mia were the ones that Erin took using the paper chains that I made for a backdrop . I saw a photo on Pinterest , which of course , always makes things look easy . This is easy , but there were no directions on how long to make the chains , how many chains to make , or how wide to make the strips , all of which I feel are kind of important to the success of a project ! Here are the steps I used to create this paper chain photo backdrop . Each chain was made using 4 pieces of 12 " x 12 " card stock , cut into 2 inch wide strips with a paper trimmer . ( I had previously tried 1 " and 3 " strips and found them to be too skinny and too fat , respectively . The perfect width , after trial and error , was 2 " strips . ) I stapled each strip into a ring , linking them as I went along . This wasn 't hard , but it did take some time . In total , there were 14 paper chains for the backdrop . Ideally , I would have made more chains for a wider backdrop , but I ran out of card stock - - or at least enough of the same color so that I could make chains that were long enough . ( They had to be taller than Mia , of course . ) Mmmmmm is the only sound you can clearly make when your mouth is full . Coincidence ? I think not - - especially if your mouth is full of this white chocolate goodness ! Warning : This is delicious and dangerously addictive ! Pop popcorn . I add 1 / 2 cup kernels to my air popper . ( You can also use a bag of plain white microwave popcorn . ) Make sure to remove all unpopped kernels . You don 't want to break a tooth ! Place the white chocolate chips into a microwave - safe bowl . You might also wish to add a tablespoon of cooking oil , which helps eliminate scorching . ( Trust me , you don 't want to scorch your chocolate . Smells terrible , and such a waste ! ) Begin cooking at high for 30 seconds . Remove from microwave and stir . Continue cooking for 15 second intervals , stirring in between , until white chocolate is melted . ( This is about 1 minute 15 seconds total for my microwave . ) Pour melted white chocolate over popcorn mixture and stir to combine until it is evenly coated . Spread onto wax paper and allow to harden completely . Store in an air - tight container ( if you happen to have any left over ! ) Perfect for parties - - or just to enjoy , because you know you want to ! I am not sure of the origin of this idea , but I am pretty sure it was floating around on Pinterest . The basic concept is to cut up a sponge into smaller pieces and let kids use them as ink pads for finger painting . Here is what I did for this less messy version of finger painting , which could also be considered printmaking or stamping of fingers , depending upon how the child uses the tools . No matter how you do it , this is a brilliant that gets two thumbs ( or fingers ) up from this crafty mama ! I originally cut my sponge ( brand new ) into six pieces , one per color of paint : red , orange , yellow , green , blue , and purple . Then , I thought better of that idea and cut each section in half again so that each child would have a set ! ( Also , cutting it into twelve sections produced segments that were just the right size for fingers so there was little waste . ) After cutting the sponge , I began completely soaking each section in a color of tempera paint , before realizing that only the top section of the sponge needed to be saturated with paint . Once I realized that , I added less paint to each piece of sponge . As I soaked each section of sponge , I then set it on a Styrofoam tray which became the paint palette . { Sponge Paint Palette } Mia put on her paint shirt and dipped pressed a finger or two onto the paint - laden sponge and then applied the paint to the paper . ( It turned out that Logan was not interested at this time , but I will have the sponges for another time , and can easily add more paint as needed . ) When she was done , she had barely any paint on her fingers , so the clean - up was a breeze ! As a bonus , I didn 't have a messy tray to rinse off because the paint was contained in the small sponge pieces . Overall , this is brilliant , and gets two thumbs ( or fingers ) up from this crafty mama . I 've recently chatted with a couple other people about how I do not make the kids ' valentines . ( That may actually surprise you since I like to make just about everything else ! ) For what they are , though , and considering how little time children actually spend appreciating them , this is not worth it to me . ( I do understand what a friend said , though , about a child wanting a certain theme or character that wasn 't readily available . It was smart of her , in that case , to make them herself ! ) For my kids , I just run out after Valentine 's Day , - - when stuff is on clearance - - and pick up one or two boxes that I know they will like to set aside for the next year . This year , for example , Mia had a choice of Disney fairies or princesses and she selected the fairies . ( I found her a box of princess valentines that came with suckers to use next year . I figure suckers don 't really go bad . Any other candy I would worry about , but suckers should be fine . ) Logan chose Cars , so he will have either the Toy Story ones or the Hot Wheels that I just picked up the other day . They still get choices , but I don 't have to spend 20 minutes in the store while they debate among a million options . So far , it has worked for us . ( And for the record , I 'm not knocking anybody 's choice to make the cutesy homemade kind . I have seen some really awesome ones ! It 's just not something I care to do as long as my kids are fine with the current system . ) That said , we did do a few Valentine 's Day related crafts this February . Mia 's teacher sent home a note a few days before their class party that said they needed to have a valentine holder of some sort . I was trying to figure out what sort of box to use when I remembered the cute felt envelopes featured in the February issue of FamilyFun magazine . We had everything we needed at home , so this was a good choice . I showed Mia the picture , and she loved it , so it was decided . I downloaded the Special Deliveries Envelope pattern and then traced it onto some pink felt that I had left over from making the poodle skirt . ( My only complaint is that they don 't tell you how much felt you need , so let me tell you . I measured it to be about 41 " by 28 . 5 " so allow a bit extra , just in case my measurements are slightly off . ) For embellishment , we added a red felt heart , and Mia selected 2 " blue self - adhesive felt letters . ( We didn 't have a " M " so she decided an upside down " W " would work in its place . ) I skipped the step for cutting holes and threading ribbon through to make this a chair back valentine holder since I wasn 't sure if they would fit the chairs at school , and this seemed like unnecessary effort . It turned out great , and she was very happy . I was also glad that it could easily fit inside her backpack for the bus ride home , which would not have been the case if we had gone with a box of some sort ! As Valentine 's Day approached , Mia felt that we needed some extra decorations and I showed her how I had made some heart - shaped chains inspired by this blogger 's photo that I had seen on Pinterest . Her directions are great , and I wish I had actually read them first . One important step that I missed was starting with folded paper to get that nice edge at the bottom of the heart . I just gave Mia some 1 " strips of red and pink construction paper and showed her how to invert them before stapling ( as opposed to overlapping them for traditional chain links ) . Then , I suggested that she pinch the bottom segment to form the base of the heart . Mostly , she skipped that so her hearts are rounded and sweet - looking instead of crisp and precise . She was happy with the results , so I couldn 't have cared less . Besides , they looked kid - made , and that was the point ! Mia quickly used up the red and pink and asked me to make more strips out of purple and blue paper . By the time she was done , we had a garland that draped nearly all the way from one side of the dining room to the other . ( Some of the chain links were regular circles interspersed among the hearts . ) Today was yet another snow day . ( Well , technically , it was an ice day . ) Anyway , I had some project ideas in mind and one was stamped hearts from toilet paper tubes , which came from this blogger . ( I had wanted to try this before Valentine 's Day , but then Mia 's school needed lots of TP tubes for science night and I sent in all that I had at the time , around 50 ! ) Mia was not interested , but Logan happily created some stamps with the heart - shaped tubes that I made . We had two tubes to work with since I no longer had a big stash of them : one to dip in pink paint and one to dip in purple paint , both of which I poured onto a Styrofoam tray . These stamps were quick and easy to make using the directions found on the Rust & Sunshine blog . My only suggestion would be that you could also cut the tubes in half to make more if you wanted to do this with more kids but were short on tubes . For Mia 's 7th birthday party , she requested a puppy theme . This sweet and simple party was one of my favorites to plan , and it was a big hit with the guests and the birthday girl alike . The colors were primarily brown and white with touches of red and black . I made everything myself , and it was very inexpensive to pull together . Outside of food , I don 't think I spent more than $ 10 ! My favorite part was that in lieu of gifts , we asked for donations to the local Human Society . Despite it being quite snowy on that particular Saturday , several friends turned out with doggie - friendly donations . This seemed to go over well , and now we have a large stash of items to deliver when the weather gets better . I did not serve a full meal . ( Go , me ! Way to keep it " simple " - - at least for me ! ) For snacks , we had a bowl of " pupcorn , " which was just air - popped popcorn . I did add some melted butter and salt , but that was not enough to tempt people when " puppy chow " was an alternative snack . ( Note : I was running low on powdered sugar after making the cake , so I just made a half batch , and that was the perfect amount . ) To round it out with some slightly healthier choices , I made up a tray with crackers , cheese , carrots , and cucumbers . At about 5 minutes to party time , I decided these looked bare and needed to be dressed up , so I grabbed some left over kraft paper and rubber stamps and made little placards that read " pupcorn , " " puppy chow , " and " bone appetit . " ( Yes , I know that " bone " is spelled incorrectly , but you know what I 'm going for , right ? ) . We also had the stamped napkins , good ole IKEA plates and bowls , and Capri Sun juice pouches . ( I typically come up with a themed drink with an appropriately themed name , but I just didn 't have anything for this one , so I made it easy on myself . ) I made a table runner out of kraft paper and hand - stamped it with a homemade paw print stamp . ( Directions can be found here , but I later discovered that Dollar Tree carries a roll of wrapping paper that is pretty doggone similar , if you 're not into DIY projects ! ) Also for the dining room , I made these adorable puppy balloons , which I taped to the chandelier . For a quick and simple centerpiece , I just filled a canning jar with dog biscuits - - two items I already had on hand for everyday life . To welcome guests , I made this front door decoration , again using the homemade paw print stamp on kraft paper . After cutting out each paw print , I " laminated " them all between two pieces of clear contact paper . For the wording , I typed " The Paw - ty is Here ! " in Microsoft Word using the free Puppy Bellies font . Then , I cut out each word , affixed it to kraft paper , and " laminated " them all with contact paper . I taped all the pieces to the outside of the front door with clear tape . The cake that was served for this party with friends was actually the third batch of puppy - themed baked goods that I made . Mia requested a white dog , to look somewhat like our dog , Ritzy . ( My first attempts were these kind of complicated chocolate " pupcakes " that I served at the family shindig . After that , I simplified and went with these paw print cupcakes for school . ) This puppy cake was not actually the way I had envisioned it due to what could have been a cake catastrophe when one of my rounds broke apart as I tried to get it out of the pan . I was planning on making a cake similar to the Care Bear cake from last year , but I think this turned out even better than I previously imagined ! My brilliant husband suggested that the broken round pieces could still be used for something so they turned into floppy ears . To make this cake , I did a double batch of my favorite white cake and a batch of my favorite buttercream frosting . I made two round , one that was 7 " and one that was 8 " ( the one that broke apart ) , plus a half dozen cupcakes . The small round became the face and the broken round was trimmed to make the ears , which were attached with frosting . Then , I frosted it all with my angled spatula . For one cupcake , I removed the wrapper , frosted it all , and stuck it to the face . The nose is a mini peanut butter cup and the " freckles " are brown mini M & Ms . The eyes are brown Reeses Pieces and the eyebrows and mouth are piped with black decorating gel . At this point , it was looking somewhat like a deranged Easter bunny and very little like a dog . Then , two cupcakes were frosted and bumped up against the bottom of the face to make paws . To show definition of toes , I just piped some lined with black decorating gel . The remaining cupcakes were decorated with paw prints made from mini peanut butters cups and brown mini M & Ms . This started to help make it look like a puppy . Then , I realized that I had a red bow left over from Christmas that might look right , and fortunately , it really helped . The addition of the bow made it look more and more like a dog , or at least not like a weird looking lop - eared rabbit . One final addition did the trick . The tongue is cut from a strawberry Fruit Roll - Up . This last touch was what truly made it look like a puppy . I am thankful to my little man for asking , " Where 's the tongue ? " on the morning of the party ! In case you 're wondering , my cake board is just a scrap of cardboard . I covered it with my roll of kraft paper and taped it to the back . In the past I 've used aluminum foil for this , which doesn 't show grease as much , but the brown went with the party colors better . Plus , it covered easily without having to use multiple pieces . The only game I did was Puppy Bingo . ( The rest of the time , they played , so this was just fine . ) I created 6 Bingo cards on white card stock . I made the blank template myself in Microsoft Word , but in retrospect I probably could have found one online and saved myself some time ! For the pictures , I found various clipart on the Internet , pasted it into Word , printed 7 copies , and cut them all out . ( Tip : A paper trimmer saves you time . ) One set I kept in a baggie to the the calling cards . The rest , I glued onto the cards , making each one different . There were a few extra images , so I just omitted different puppies from each card . I " laminated " all of the Bingo cards between two pieces of clear contact paper . The Bingo markers were just squares of kraft paper that I made with a 1 " square craft punch . We played for fun , so there were no prizes awarded . ( I figured they already got enough sweets and they were getting these homemade puppy ears as a take - home gift - - simple ! ) Oh , and just for fun , Brett wore his Snoopy costume ( without my even asking him to ) . This was , of course , cute and sweet . What a good daddy ! I once read that thank you notes should be sent within three months of the event . I think for busy folks , the sooner the better , so my goal was to get them done within three weeks . We just celebrated Mia 's 7th birthday with a puppy paw - ty on the first , so I am going to meet that goal with these photo thank you cards . As a bonus , they serve as a fun and inexpensive souvenir from the party . 1 . During the party , I took pictures of the guests wearing puppy ears and posing in the dog house photo prop . Then , I had them printed at Meijer . For family members who sent gifts , or for kids who didn 't want to pose , I used pictures of Mia , so I had extras printed for this reason . 2 . Next , I folded a piece of kraft paper in half , width wise , and cut along the fold . Then I folded each piece in half again , width wise , to create two cards . 3 . In Microsoft Word , I created a fill - in - the - blank template for the inside of the cards . This fit four to a page in landscape setting and I used this free font . It read : 5 . For the front of the cards , I printed off several of this cute puppy holding a cupcake clip art . Again , I cut these out with my scalloped scissors and adhered them to the center of the cards . Then , I added the date of the party and the phrase " Wonderful Times " with stamps and a black ink pad . Tip : If you don 't have this sort of thing ( both are the dial type of stamp that you see at libraries ) , you can type anything into your computer and print it out . This would give you more choices of font style , size , and color . I really want to write something , but I am too tired to say much . So , here 's an amusing list of things I never thought I 'd have to say at any point in my life . . . None of which , I have ever had to tell my daughter . Please , please tell me that I am not the only one who has said such weird things to her son ! While volunteering in Mia 's first grade class , I noticed some small plastic tubs , each containing a small amount of sand . One child had written her name in the sand . This seemed like something I could easily " hack , " and I was hoping it would get Logan interested in practicing his letters . So I found one of many small wooden trays that we have scattered throughout the house ( This one happened to come with something Melissa and Doug - related in it - - wooden beads , perhaps ? ) and added some salt . Why salt ? Well , I don 't normally have sand readily available , but salt I definitely have plenty of . ( I usually buy the biggest carton I can find since we make so much play dough . ) Next , I scrounged through our alphabet magnets and pulled out one for each letter . I set them on the table and showed him how he use each magnet as a guide . I demonstrated writing the letter in the salt and then shaking the tray gently to clear it . It worked great ! He was excited and actually sat long enough to practice 21 out of 26 letters , which is darn good for someone with the attention span of a goldfish . ( Note : I am not insulting my kid , here , merely pointing out what it is like to try to get a four - year - old boy to do anything that seems remotely educational . ) Once Mia got home from school , she seemed excited by the salt tray , too . She used it to practice her spelling words , which was great . The only downside was that left unattended for too long , Logan started playing in the salt the way he plays with rice and things got a bit messy . Fortunately , salt is easy to clean up . I can 't say the same for sand in my dining room , though , so I am glad I went with salt ! This is the type of project that I debate whether or not to share . Not because I don 't want to share . I do ! I just don 't want people to feel like they should be able to make this themselves . ( Not that you can 't . I 'm sure you 're very crafty ! ) You know what I mean , right ? This is not the type of easy - peasy kids ' craft that I often post here . That said , it really wasn 't that hard to make , so it 's totally do - able if you are planning a puppy paw - ty of your own . This photo prop turned out nicely and helped set the theme for Mia 's 7th birthday paw - ty . Besides being fairly simple to make , it was virtually free ! ( My favorite kind of project , in case you didn 't know . ) All I had to buy was a 59 cent bottle of paint since I ran out after the first coat . As soon as guests arrived , they received a pair of puppy ears . Once they were ready , I had them pose in the doghouse . The photos will be used in the thank - you cards ( more on those later ! ) . Deconstruct the box and lay it flat . Using a pair of sharp scissors ( or a box cutter , if you are more intrepid - - and less accident - prone than myself ) , cut along a seam so that you now have 2 pieces of cardboard . Each one is two sides of the box . Trim away the smaller flaps from one piece . ( In case you are wondering , my cardboard measured 35 1 / 2 " wide by 43 " tall at that point . ) Using a ruler , find the center point of the piece of cardboard . Mark it with a pencil . Next , use the ruler and pencil to make vertical and horizontal lines , dividing the cardboard into quadrants . ( This is not necessary , but I found it helpful ) . Tip : Make all marks on the " outside " of the cardboard : the part that has printing on it . Then , when you flip it over , you will have a perfectly clean piece of cardboard to work with . This was the point when I decided how the roof line should look . I decided to make a horizontal line about 1 / 3 from the top , all the way across , because that looked right visually . Then I used my ruler to draw angles from the outside edges of that line , meeting at the top . ( Remember , I already had a center line , so this is why it was handy . ) I used scissors to cut along the lines and ended up with a triangular point on top of the house . Next up , I made the doggie door . I decided the top of the door would be my center point . I didn 't want it to be very wide , just enough for kids to pop their heads through , otherwise there might be clutter in the background of the photos . I measured 10 " for width , 5 " on either side of the vertical center line , and then drew lines . To get the curve at the top , I traced around the rim of a large plastic bowl . Then , I cut it all out with my scissors . Tip : Since I wasn 't worried about how the part I was cutting away looked , I was free to cut it into smaller chunks . For some reason , I have found small triangles to be easier to work with rather than one large semi - circle . After getting the basic doghouse shape , I flipped my cardboard over to the " clean " side and laid in on a layer of newspaper . I used a foam paintbrush to apply a coat of red acrylic paint , let it dry , and then added a second coat of paint . Once the second coat dried , I took a strip of cardboard ( one of my discarded pieces ) , which was the same width as my doghouse and about 2 inches tall and used this as a straight edge to make lines across the entire house with a black Sharpie . This made it look like wooden boards . I added two " nails " per board along the outside edges . These were just small black hand - drawn circles . I also outlined the rest of the doghouse with black Sharpie for a more finished look . It didn 't look finished , so I took two more strips of cardboard ( again about 2 inches wide ) and cut each one at a 45 degree angle so that they would meet up to make the roof . These , I painted with black acrylic paint and once they were dry , I adhered them with my hot glue gun . To personalize the doghouse , I cut an oval out of some scrap cardboard and painted it with white acrylic paint ( two coats ) . After the paint had dried , I outlined it with black Sharpie and then added another oval set about 1 / 4 " in from the outline . Then I typed " Mia " using this free font and printed it out , trimmed it to size , and glued it the the placard . Lastly , I hot glued the oval to the front of the doghouse . Before displaying the photo prop , I took two extra scraps of rectangular cardboard and hot glued them to the back of the doghouse on either side of the door . I had noticed it was a bit flimsy ( likely because I used more then one side of a box to create it ) , and this served as a necessary reinforcement . To hang it , I used twine which was not elegant , but it fit with the theme just fine . I cut two lengths and used plenty of masking tape to adhere them " stitches " fashion . Then , I taped both lengths of twine to the mantel with clear packaging tape . It had just enough distance between the prop and the fireplace for the kids to kneel behind it for photos . ( Note : I had taped a small section of white plastic table cover behind the opening to the doghouse , and I later wished I had covered the whole area the way I did for the Care Bear photo prop from last year . Despite not thinking of that sooner , it looked pretty good . ) These fun puppy ears doubled as photo props ( for the upcoming thank - you cards ) and as party favors . What can I say ? I like when stuff serves double - duty - - it 's just plain smart . Plus , I saved money by making them myself instead of purchasing them from this site ! Here 's how I made these cute puppy dog ears ( I made 11 pairs total ) for about $ 6 . Fold a piece of felt in half , width - wise . Cut along the fold . Now , take one half piece and fold it in half , lengthwise this time . Cut along the fold . Draw a floppy ear on one side and cut it out . Mine had a triangular notch at the top end . Use this as a template for all the other ears . Trace around it onto the felt . A brown marker works nicely , and even if it shows on the felt later , it doesn 't really clash . ( Note : You can either cut the felt smaller first , or just trace an ear , flip it over , fit the template ear against the tracing , and trace again . Then , cut all traced ears out . I did it both ways , and didn 't really have a preference . ) Lay out ears in sets of two , facing them the desired direction . ( I made each one curve toward the center . ) Then , using a hot glue gun , adhere each ear to a plastic headband . Lay them flat while the glue cools . Cut spots from cream felt . Mine were all shapes and sizes , but you can make basic circles if you prefer . Apply the the ears using the hot glue gun . I took my triangle tip , turned it over , applied the glue to that area , and then folded it over on itself around the plastic headband . Again , lay flat while glue cools . Tip : If glue strings bug you , use your fingers to remove any glue strings . The first batch of " pupcakes " that I made were tricky , and they didn 't hold up as well as I had hoped . So I decided to make a simpler design for the cupcakes that Mia took to school for her birthday . To start , I made this chocolate cake recipe for the second time . This time I was careful to not fill the cups more than 2 / 3 of the way , and I let them bake a bit longer , 20 minutes instead of 18 . This seemed to help . Also , our baking took place on a snow day , so I had two eager little helpers in the kitchen . Beat the butter until fluffy . Slowly add 2 cups of the powdered sugar , beating well . ( Admittedly , I am lazy about sifting it first . I can 't tell if it makes a difference or not . ) Add 1 / 4 cup milk plus vanilla . Slowly beat in the remaining powdered sugar plus the cocoa powder , adding additional milk as needed to get a good consistency for spreading . ( For me , I think it was another two or three tablespoons . Add one at a time , mix , and continue from there . ) To decorate the cupcakes , I spread the frosting on with an angled spatula . My inspiration for these cupcakes came from this picture ( which appear to use Jr . Mints and chocolate chips , inserted point - side down ) . Using candies I had purchased for the previous " pupcakes , " I added a mini Reese 's peanut butter cup ( the kind that comes in a stand - up bag and doesn 't have a wrapper - - perfect for baking ) to the center of each frosted cupcake . To finish the paw prints , I added four " toes " made out of brown mini M & M 's ( I had to first pour them into a bowl and then sort out the ones I wanted , but it wasn 't that much work , certainly quicker than when I sorted them for the Cheer Bear cake . ) That 's it ! They were cute and very delicious . I have done a post about DIY themed napkins before ( Shark party ) but I figure it is worth mentioning again . This is a super quick , easy , and inexpensive way to coordinate with any party theme . Most everything else I use is reusable : cups , plates , bowls , but for kids ' birthday parties it seems like a necessity to have napkins on hand . To make my own , I simply bought a package of 30 white napkins from Dollar Tree . Then I used dog stamps and ink pads that I already owned ( in red and brown ) to personalize them for Mia 's recent puppy paw - ty . Mia helped choose which stamps to use , although I narrowed it down some based on the size of the stamp and whether or not it looked right on the napkin . In the end , we chose 5 designs , so each one was used 6 times . The Christmas joke - of - the - day went well so I decided to make type up some jokes that I found for Valentine 's Day . I included 14 of my favorites from around the web , although she will not have that many days of school this month before Valentine 's Day . Plus , they don 't even have school on Valentine 's Day this year ( and that 's not even counting any more snow days that might crop up . . . ) ! I just typed these in Microsoft Word and included some related clip art , printed them , and cut them out . ( Decorative scissors are optional . ) Each time I pack a lunch , I will tape a joke to her sandwich holder . P . S . If you prefer getting jokes without the DIY effort , just Google " printable Valentine 's Day jokes for kids . " The only problem is that you won 't get to hand - pick the jokes , although most of these were repeated on various sites , so that may not be an issue for you . Enjoy ! I am : wife to Brett , " Mama " to Mia , " Mommy " to Logan , a former teacher / current SAHM , and a bit of a daydreamer . When , I 'm not chauffeuring kids , kissing boo - boos , or matching up socks , you will find me here . This is where I share the good , the bad , and the crazy ideas I 've had . Thanks for visiting !
|
Obviously . In fact , I am the leader of ALL things at our house - - or if I am not , then I should be . Maybe he was on to something with the tiara suggestion . Remember earlier this year when she got to wear a poodle skirt for the 50th day of school ? Well , today was Mia 's 100th Day celebration at school , and she was very excited to wear a special " new " shirt . We made it last week when school was closed . ( Again . ) Fortunately , the note had come home the day before so we knew that we were supposed to design a shirt , and this was a great snow day activity . Mia found a slightly stained shirt to use , and she told me that she wanted to cover it with flowers . I helped her collect all sorts of flowers from my craft supplies . She selected her 100 favorites , a mix of silk , felt , and paper flowers . Next , she arranged them on the shirt , making various designs , and layering smaller flowers on top of larger flowers . Finally , I hot glued them in place . Very simple . This morning she chose to dress herself in flowered leggings , flowered socks , a skirt , and her " special " black shoes . She added a butterfly necklace and butterfly hair tie . Even though we had counted exactly 100 flowers , she felt certain that there were actually a " gazzillion " of them to go with what she called her " garden " theme ! Logan was my summer baby . This means that he will never celebrate his actual birthday at school . Since it is his first year of preschool , I decided that we could have the class celebrate his half birthday today . ( Celebrating half birthdays is not something we have done before at our house , but it seemed appropriate in this instance , and the teacher agreed that it was a perfect idea . ) He even lucked out in that they ended up planning a field trip to the bowling alley ! After the cupcakes had been handed out , someone announced his name and said it was his " birthday " over the P . A . system . I think he thought this was odd , but it didn 't seem to stop him from gobbling up his cupcake while they all sang " Happy Birthday . " Meanwhile , I was just happy to see that he was devouring the whole cupcake since he usually has a habit of eating just the icing , and he had wanted me to make frosting shots for the party . ( He didn 't call them that , of course , but can you imagine giving cups of frosting to a group of preschoolers ? ! ) Anyway , I was glad that these cupcakes were such a hit . To make them , I did a double batch of my favorite white cake recipe and a single batch of my favorite buttercream frosting recipe ( which was not quite enough - - I had three cupcakes that didn 't get frosted , but that was okay since there were plenty for the class . If I had used my angle spatula instead of piping the frosting it would have been plenty . ) . I tinted the frosting green , to simulate grass and topped them with dinosaur fruit snacks from Kroger . The most important part , though , was the dinosaurs . I had been to several stores looking for gummi dinosaurs , and it turns out that nobody carries those in our area . I could have ordered some online , but that would have required more advance planning , and I wouldn 't have wanted to pay the shipping cost , anyway ! Fortunately , someone gave me idea of fruit snacks , which worked great . I placed three on top of each cupcake , mixing up the colors and types of dinosaurs so that there weren 't duplicates on any one cupcake . ( Yes , this is anal and unnecessary . . . I was happy with the results , and more importantly , so was my favorite future paleontologist . ) I also discovered that fruit snacks hold up very well as cupcake toppers , all of the kids liked them , and as a bonus , they were very affordable . I bought two boxes at $ 1 each and still had a few packages left over . After a month , I am getting around to sharing some of Mia 's birthday photos ! These were taken by Erin of E . K . Photography , so be sure to check her out and give her some love . In my opinion , some of the cutest pics of Mia were the ones that Erin took using the paper chains that I made for a backdrop . I saw a photo on Pinterest , which of course , always makes things look easy . This is easy , but there were no directions on how long to make the chains , how many chains to make , or how wide to make the strips , all of which I feel are kind of important to the success of a project ! Here are the steps I used to create this paper chain photo backdrop . Each chain was made using 4 pieces of 12 " x 12 " card stock , cut into 2 inch wide strips with a paper trimmer . ( I had previously tried 1 " and 3 " strips and found them to be too skinny and too fat , respectively . The perfect width , after trial and error , was 2 " strips . ) I stapled each strip into a ring , linking them as I went along . This wasn 't hard , but it did take some time . In total , there were 14 paper chains for the backdrop . Ideally , I would have made more chains for a wider backdrop , but I ran out of card stock - - or at least enough of the same color so that I could make chains that were long enough . ( They had to be taller than Mia , of course . ) Mmmmmm is the only sound you can clearly make when your mouth is full . Coincidence ? I think not - - especially if your mouth is full of this white chocolate goodness ! Warning : This is delicious and dangerously addictive ! Pop popcorn . I add 1 / 2 cup kernels to my air popper . ( You can also use a bag of plain white microwave popcorn . ) Make sure to remove all unpopped kernels . You don 't want to break a tooth ! Place the white chocolate chips into a microwave - safe bowl . You might also wish to add a tablespoon of cooking oil , which helps eliminate scorching . ( Trust me , you don 't want to scorch your chocolate . Smells terrible , and such a waste ! ) Begin cooking at high for 30 seconds . Remove from microwave and stir . Continue cooking for 15 second intervals , stirring in between , until white chocolate is melted . ( This is about 1 minute 15 seconds total for my microwave . ) Pour melted white chocolate over popcorn mixture and stir to combine until it is evenly coated . Spread onto wax paper and allow to harden completely . Store in an air - tight container ( if you happen to have any left over ! ) Perfect for parties - - or just to enjoy , because you know you want to ! I am not sure of the origin of this idea , but I am pretty sure it was floating around on Pinterest . The basic concept is to cut up a sponge into smaller pieces and let kids use them as ink pads for finger painting . Here is what I did for this less messy version of finger painting , which could also be considered printmaking or stamping of fingers , depending upon how the child uses the tools . No matter how you do it , this is a brilliant that gets two thumbs ( or fingers ) up from this crafty mama ! I originally cut my sponge ( brand new ) into six pieces , one per color of paint : red , orange , yellow , green , blue , and purple . Then , I thought better of that idea and cut each section in half again so that each child would have a set ! ( Also , cutting it into twelve sections produced segments that were just the right size for fingers so there was little waste . ) After cutting the sponge , I began completely soaking each section in a color of tempera paint , before realizing that only the top section of the sponge needed to be saturated with paint . Once I realized that , I added less paint to each piece of sponge . As I soaked each section of sponge , I then set it on a Styrofoam tray which became the paint palette . { Sponge Paint Palette } Mia put on her paint shirt and dipped pressed a finger or two onto the paint - laden sponge and then applied the paint to the paper . ( It turned out that Logan was not interested at this time , but I will have the sponges for another time , and can easily add more paint as needed . ) When she was done , she had barely any paint on her fingers , so the clean - up was a breeze ! As a bonus , I didn 't have a messy tray to rinse off because the paint was contained in the small sponge pieces . Overall , this is brilliant , and gets two thumbs ( or fingers ) up from this crafty mama . I 've recently chatted with a couple other people about how I do not make the kids ' valentines . ( That may actually surprise you since I like to make just about everything else ! ) For what they are , though , and considering how little time children actually spend appreciating them , this is not worth it to me . ( I do understand what a friend said , though , about a child wanting a certain theme or character that wasn 't readily available . It was smart of her , in that case , to make them herself ! ) For my kids , I just run out after Valentine 's Day , - - when stuff is on clearance - - and pick up one or two boxes that I know they will like to set aside for the next year . This year , for example , Mia had a choice of Disney fairies or princesses and she selected the fairies . ( I found her a box of princess valentines that came with suckers to use next year . I figure suckers don 't really go bad . Any other candy I would worry about , but suckers should be fine . ) Logan chose Cars , so he will have either the Toy Story ones or the Hot Wheels that I just picked up the other day . They still get choices , but I don 't have to spend 20 minutes in the store while they debate among a million options . So far , it has worked for us . ( And for the record , I 'm not knocking anybody 's choice to make the cutesy homemade kind . I have seen some really awesome ones ! It 's just not something I care to do as long as my kids are fine with the current system . ) That said , we did do a few Valentine 's Day related crafts this February . Mia 's teacher sent home a note a few days before their class party that said they needed to have a valentine holder of some sort . I was trying to figure out what sort of box to use when I remembered the cute felt envelopes featured in the February issue of FamilyFun magazine . We had everything we needed at home , so this was a good choice . I showed Mia the picture , and she loved it , so it was decided . I downloaded the Special Deliveries Envelope pattern and then traced it onto some pink felt that I had left over from making the poodle skirt . ( My only complaint is that they don 't tell you how much felt you need , so let me tell you . I measured it to be about 41 " by 28 . 5 " so allow a bit extra , just in case my measurements are slightly off . ) For embellishment , we added a red felt heart , and Mia selected 2 " blue self - adhesive felt letters . ( We didn 't have a " M " so she decided an upside down " W " would work in its place . ) I skipped the step for cutting holes and threading ribbon through to make this a chair back valentine holder since I wasn 't sure if they would fit the chairs at school , and this seemed like unnecessary effort . It turned out great , and she was very happy . I was also glad that it could easily fit inside her backpack for the bus ride home , which would not have been the case if we had gone with a box of some sort ! As Valentine 's Day approached , Mia felt that we needed some extra decorations and I showed her how I had made some heart - shaped chains inspired by this blogger 's photo that I had seen on Pinterest . Her directions are great , and I wish I had actually read them first . One important step that I missed was starting with folded paper to get that nice edge at the bottom of the heart . I just gave Mia some 1 " strips of red and pink construction paper and showed her how to invert them before stapling ( as opposed to overlapping them for traditional chain links ) . Then , I suggested that she pinch the bottom segment to form the base of the heart . Mostly , she skipped that so her hearts are rounded and sweet - looking instead of crisp and precise . She was happy with the results , so I couldn 't have cared less . Besides , they looked kid - made , and that was the point ! Mia quickly used up the red and pink and asked me to make more strips out of purple and blue paper . By the time she was done , we had a garland that draped nearly all the way from one side of the dining room to the other . ( Some of the chain links were regular circles interspersed among the hearts . ) Today was yet another snow day . ( Well , technically , it was an ice day . ) Anyway , I had some project ideas in mind and one was stamped hearts from toilet paper tubes , which came from this blogger . ( I had wanted to try this before Valentine 's Day , but then Mia 's school needed lots of TP tubes for science night and I sent in all that I had at the time , around 50 ! ) Mia was not interested , but Logan happily created some stamps with the heart - shaped tubes that I made . We had two tubes to work with since I no longer had a big stash of them : one to dip in pink paint and one to dip in purple paint , both of which I poured onto a Styrofoam tray . These stamps were quick and easy to make using the directions found on the Rust & Sunshine blog . My only suggestion would be that you could also cut the tubes in half to make more if you wanted to do this with more kids but were short on tubes . For Mia 's 7th birthday party , she requested a puppy theme . This sweet and simple party was one of my favorites to plan , and it was a big hit with the guests and the birthday girl alike . The colors were primarily brown and white with touches of red and black . I made everything myself , and it was very inexpensive to pull together . Outside of food , I don 't think I spent more than $ 10 ! My favorite part was that in lieu of gifts , we asked for donations to the local Human Society . Despite it being quite snowy on that particular Saturday , several friends turned out with doggie - friendly donations . This seemed to go over well , and now we have a large stash of items to deliver when the weather gets better . I did not serve a full meal . ( Go , me ! Way to keep it " simple " - - at least for me ! ) For snacks , we had a bowl of " pupcorn , " which was just air - popped popcorn . I did add some melted butter and salt , but that was not enough to tempt people when " puppy chow " was an alternative snack . ( Note : I was running low on powdered sugar after making the cake , so I just made a half batch , and that was the perfect amount . ) To round it out with some slightly healthier choices , I made up a tray with crackers , cheese , carrots , and cucumbers . At about 5 minutes to party time , I decided these looked bare and needed to be dressed up , so I grabbed some left over kraft paper and rubber stamps and made little placards that read " pupcorn , " " puppy chow , " and " bone appetit . " ( Yes , I know that " bone " is spelled incorrectly , but you know what I 'm going for , right ? ) . We also had the stamped napkins , good ole IKEA plates and bowls , and Capri Sun juice pouches . ( I typically come up with a themed drink with an appropriately themed name , but I just didn 't have anything for this one , so I made it easy on myself . ) I made a table runner out of kraft paper and hand - stamped it with a homemade paw print stamp . ( Directions can be found here , but I later discovered that Dollar Tree carries a roll of wrapping paper that is pretty doggone similar , if you 're not into DIY projects ! ) Also for the dining room , I made these adorable puppy balloons , which I taped to the chandelier . For a quick and simple centerpiece , I just filled a canning jar with dog biscuits - - two items I already had on hand for everyday life . To welcome guests , I made this front door decoration , again using the homemade paw print stamp on kraft paper . After cutting out each paw print , I " laminated " them all between two pieces of clear contact paper . For the wording , I typed " The Paw - ty is Here ! " in Microsoft Word using the free Puppy Bellies font . Then , I cut out each word , affixed it to kraft paper , and " laminated " them all with contact paper . I taped all the pieces to the outside of the front door with clear tape . The cake that was served for this party with friends was actually the third batch of puppy - themed baked goods that I made . Mia requested a white dog , to look somewhat like our dog , Ritzy . ( My first attempts were these kind of complicated chocolate " pupcakes " that I served at the family shindig . After that , I simplified and went with these paw print cupcakes for school . ) This puppy cake was not actually the way I had envisioned it due to what could have been a cake catastrophe when one of my rounds broke apart as I tried to get it out of the pan . I was planning on making a cake similar to the Care Bear cake from last year , but I think this turned out even better than I previously imagined ! My brilliant husband suggested that the broken round pieces could still be used for something so they turned into floppy ears . To make this cake , I did a double batch of my favorite white cake and a batch of my favorite buttercream frosting . I made two round , one that was 7 " and one that was 8 " ( the one that broke apart ) , plus a half dozen cupcakes . The small round became the face and the broken round was trimmed to make the ears , which were attached with frosting . Then , I frosted it all with my angled spatula . For one cupcake , I removed the wrapper , frosted it all , and stuck it to the face . The nose is a mini peanut butter cup and the " freckles " are brown mini M & Ms . The eyes are brown Reeses Pieces and the eyebrows and mouth are piped with black decorating gel . At this point , it was looking somewhat like a deranged Easter bunny and very little like a dog . Then , two cupcakes were frosted and bumped up against the bottom of the face to make paws . To show definition of toes , I just piped some lined with black decorating gel . The remaining cupcakes were decorated with paw prints made from mini peanut butters cups and brown mini M & Ms . This started to help make it look like a puppy . Then , I realized that I had a red bow left over from Christmas that might look right , and fortunately , it really helped . The addition of the bow made it look more and more like a dog , or at least not like a weird looking lop - eared rabbit . One final addition did the trick . The tongue is cut from a strawberry Fruit Roll - Up . This last touch was what truly made it look like a puppy . I am thankful to my little man for asking , " Where 's the tongue ? " on the morning of the party ! In case you 're wondering , my cake board is just a scrap of cardboard . I covered it with my roll of kraft paper and taped it to the back . In the past I 've used aluminum foil for this , which doesn 't show grease as much , but the brown went with the party colors better . Plus , it covered easily without having to use multiple pieces . The only game I did was Puppy Bingo . ( The rest of the time , they played , so this was just fine . ) I created 6 Bingo cards on white card stock . I made the blank template myself in Microsoft Word , but in retrospect I probably could have found one online and saved myself some time ! For the pictures , I found various clipart on the Internet , pasted it into Word , printed 7 copies , and cut them all out . ( Tip : A paper trimmer saves you time . ) One set I kept in a baggie to the the calling cards . The rest , I glued onto the cards , making each one different . There were a few extra images , so I just omitted different puppies from each card . I " laminated " all of the Bingo cards between two pieces of clear contact paper . The Bingo markers were just squares of kraft paper that I made with a 1 " square craft punch . We played for fun , so there were no prizes awarded . ( I figured they already got enough sweets and they were getting these homemade puppy ears as a take - home gift - - simple ! ) Oh , and just for fun , Brett wore his Snoopy costume ( without my even asking him to ) . This was , of course , cute and sweet . What a good daddy ! I once read that thank you notes should be sent within three months of the event . I think for busy folks , the sooner the better , so my goal was to get them done within three weeks . We just celebrated Mia 's 7th birthday with a puppy paw - ty on the first , so I am going to meet that goal with these photo thank you cards . As a bonus , they serve as a fun and inexpensive souvenir from the party . 1 . During the party , I took pictures of the guests wearing puppy ears and posing in the dog house photo prop . Then , I had them printed at Meijer . For family members who sent gifts , or for kids who didn 't want to pose , I used pictures of Mia , so I had extras printed for this reason . 2 . Next , I folded a piece of kraft paper in half , width wise , and cut along the fold . Then I folded each piece in half again , width wise , to create two cards . 3 . In Microsoft Word , I created a fill - in - the - blank template for the inside of the cards . This fit four to a page in landscape setting and I used this free font . It read : 5 . For the front of the cards , I printed off several of this cute puppy holding a cupcake clip art . Again , I cut these out with my scalloped scissors and adhered them to the center of the cards . Then , I added the date of the party and the phrase " Wonderful Times " with stamps and a black ink pad . Tip : If you don 't have this sort of thing ( both are the dial type of stamp that you see at libraries ) , you can type anything into your computer and print it out . This would give you more choices of font style , size , and color . I really want to write something , but I am too tired to say much . So , here 's an amusing list of things I never thought I 'd have to say at any point in my life . . . None of which , I have ever had to tell my daughter . Please , please tell me that I am not the only one who has said such weird things to her son ! While volunteering in Mia 's first grade class , I noticed some small plastic tubs , each containing a small amount of sand . One child had written her name in the sand . This seemed like something I could easily " hack , " and I was hoping it would get Logan interested in practicing his letters . So I found one of many small wooden trays that we have scattered throughout the house ( This one happened to come with something Melissa and Doug - related in it - - wooden beads , perhaps ? ) and added some salt . Why salt ? Well , I don 't normally have sand readily available , but salt I definitely have plenty of . ( I usually buy the biggest carton I can find since we make so much play dough . ) Next , I scrounged through our alphabet magnets and pulled out one for each letter . I set them on the table and showed him how he use each magnet as a guide . I demonstrated writing the letter in the salt and then shaking the tray gently to clear it . It worked great ! He was excited and actually sat long enough to practice 21 out of 26 letters , which is darn good for someone with the attention span of a goldfish . ( Note : I am not insulting my kid , here , merely pointing out what it is like to try to get a four - year - old boy to do anything that seems remotely educational . ) Once Mia got home from school , she seemed excited by the salt tray , too . She used it to practice her spelling words , which was great . The only downside was that left unattended for too long , Logan started playing in the salt the way he plays with rice and things got a bit messy . Fortunately , salt is easy to clean up . I can 't say the same for sand in my dining room , though , so I am glad I went with salt ! This is the type of project that I debate whether or not to share . Not because I don 't want to share . I do ! I just don 't want people to feel like they should be able to make this themselves . ( Not that you can 't . I 'm sure you 're very crafty ! ) You know what I mean , right ? This is not the type of easy - peasy kids ' craft that I often post here . That said , it really wasn 't that hard to make , so it 's totally do - able if you are planning a puppy paw - ty of your own . This photo prop turned out nicely and helped set the theme for Mia 's 7th birthday paw - ty . Besides being fairly simple to make , it was virtually free ! ( My favorite kind of project , in case you didn 't know . ) All I had to buy was a 59 cent bottle of paint since I ran out after the first coat . As soon as guests arrived , they received a pair of puppy ears . Once they were ready , I had them pose in the doghouse . The photos will be used in the thank - you cards ( more on those later ! ) . Deconstruct the box and lay it flat . Using a pair of sharp scissors ( or a box cutter , if you are more intrepid - - and less accident - prone than myself ) , cut along a seam so that you now have 2 pieces of cardboard . Each one is two sides of the box . Trim away the smaller flaps from one piece . ( In case you are wondering , my cardboard measured 35 1 / 2 " wide by 43 " tall at that point . ) Using a ruler , find the center point of the piece of cardboard . Mark it with a pencil . Next , use the ruler and pencil to make vertical and horizontal lines , dividing the cardboard into quadrants . ( This is not necessary , but I found it helpful ) . Tip : Make all marks on the " outside " of the cardboard : the part that has printing on it . Then , when you flip it over , you will have a perfectly clean piece of cardboard to work with . This was the point when I decided how the roof line should look . I decided to make a horizontal line about 1 / 3 from the top , all the way across , because that looked right visually . Then I used my ruler to draw angles from the outside edges of that line , meeting at the top . ( Remember , I already had a center line , so this is why it was handy . ) I used scissors to cut along the lines and ended up with a triangular point on top of the house . Next up , I made the doggie door . I decided the top of the door would be my center point . I didn 't want it to be very wide , just enough for kids to pop their heads through , otherwise there might be clutter in the background of the photos . I measured 10 " for width , 5 " on either side of the vertical center line , and then drew lines . To get the curve at the top , I traced around the rim of a large plastic bowl . Then , I cut it all out with my scissors . Tip : Since I wasn 't worried about how the part I was cutting away looked , I was free to cut it into smaller chunks . For some reason , I have found small triangles to be easier to work with rather than one large semi - circle . After getting the basic doghouse shape , I flipped my cardboard over to the " clean " side and laid in on a layer of newspaper . I used a foam paintbrush to apply a coat of red acrylic paint , let it dry , and then added a second coat of paint . Once the second coat dried , I took a strip of cardboard ( one of my discarded pieces ) , which was the same width as my doghouse and about 2 inches tall and used this as a straight edge to make lines across the entire house with a black Sharpie . This made it look like wooden boards . I added two " nails " per board along the outside edges . These were just small black hand - drawn circles . I also outlined the rest of the doghouse with black Sharpie for a more finished look . It didn 't look finished , so I took two more strips of cardboard ( again about 2 inches wide ) and cut each one at a 45 degree angle so that they would meet up to make the roof . These , I painted with black acrylic paint and once they were dry , I adhered them with my hot glue gun . To personalize the doghouse , I cut an oval out of some scrap cardboard and painted it with white acrylic paint ( two coats ) . After the paint had dried , I outlined it with black Sharpie and then added another oval set about 1 / 4 " in from the outline . Then I typed " Mia " using this free font and printed it out , trimmed it to size , and glued it the the placard . Lastly , I hot glued the oval to the front of the doghouse . Before displaying the photo prop , I took two extra scraps of rectangular cardboard and hot glued them to the back of the doghouse on either side of the door . I had noticed it was a bit flimsy ( likely because I used more then one side of a box to create it ) , and this served as a necessary reinforcement . To hang it , I used twine which was not elegant , but it fit with the theme just fine . I cut two lengths and used plenty of masking tape to adhere them " stitches " fashion . Then , I taped both lengths of twine to the mantel with clear packaging tape . It had just enough distance between the prop and the fireplace for the kids to kneel behind it for photos . ( Note : I had taped a small section of white plastic table cover behind the opening to the doghouse , and I later wished I had covered the whole area the way I did for the Care Bear photo prop from last year . Despite not thinking of that sooner , it looked pretty good . ) These fun puppy ears doubled as photo props ( for the upcoming thank - you cards ) and as party favors . What can I say ? I like when stuff serves double - duty - - it 's just plain smart . Plus , I saved money by making them myself instead of purchasing them from this site ! Here 's how I made these cute puppy dog ears ( I made 11 pairs total ) for about $ 6 . Fold a piece of felt in half , width - wise . Cut along the fold . Now , take one half piece and fold it in half , lengthwise this time . Cut along the fold . Draw a floppy ear on one side and cut it out . Mine had a triangular notch at the top end . Use this as a template for all the other ears . Trace around it onto the felt . A brown marker works nicely , and even if it shows on the felt later , it doesn 't really clash . ( Note : You can either cut the felt smaller first , or just trace an ear , flip it over , fit the template ear against the tracing , and trace again . Then , cut all traced ears out . I did it both ways , and didn 't really have a preference . ) Lay out ears in sets of two , facing them the desired direction . ( I made each one curve toward the center . ) Then , using a hot glue gun , adhere each ear to a plastic headband . Lay them flat while the glue cools . Cut spots from cream felt . Mine were all shapes and sizes , but you can make basic circles if you prefer . Apply the the ears using the hot glue gun . I took my triangle tip , turned it over , applied the glue to that area , and then folded it over on itself around the plastic headband . Again , lay flat while glue cools . Tip : If glue strings bug you , use your fingers to remove any glue strings . The first batch of " pupcakes " that I made were tricky , and they didn 't hold up as well as I had hoped . So I decided to make a simpler design for the cupcakes that Mia took to school for her birthday . To start , I made this chocolate cake recipe for the second time . This time I was careful to not fill the cups more than 2 / 3 of the way , and I let them bake a bit longer , 20 minutes instead of 18 . This seemed to help . Also , our baking took place on a snow day , so I had two eager little helpers in the kitchen . Beat the butter until fluffy . Slowly add 2 cups of the powdered sugar , beating well . ( Admittedly , I am lazy about sifting it first . I can 't tell if it makes a difference or not . ) Add 1 / 4 cup milk plus vanilla . Slowly beat in the remaining powdered sugar plus the cocoa powder , adding additional milk as needed to get a good consistency for spreading . ( For me , I think it was another two or three tablespoons . Add one at a time , mix , and continue from there . ) To decorate the cupcakes , I spread the frosting on with an angled spatula . My inspiration for these cupcakes came from this picture ( which appear to use Jr . Mints and chocolate chips , inserted point - side down ) . Using candies I had purchased for the previous " pupcakes , " I added a mini Reese 's peanut butter cup ( the kind that comes in a stand - up bag and doesn 't have a wrapper - - perfect for baking ) to the center of each frosted cupcake . To finish the paw prints , I added four " toes " made out of brown mini M & M 's ( I had to first pour them into a bowl and then sort out the ones I wanted , but it wasn 't that much work , certainly quicker than when I sorted them for the Cheer Bear cake . ) That 's it ! They were cute and very delicious . I have done a post about DIY themed napkins before ( Shark party ) but I figure it is worth mentioning again . This is a super quick , easy , and inexpensive way to coordinate with any party theme . Most everything else I use is reusable : cups , plates , bowls , but for kids ' birthday parties it seems like a necessity to have napkins on hand . To make my own , I simply bought a package of 30 white napkins from Dollar Tree . Then I used dog stamps and ink pads that I already owned ( in red and brown ) to personalize them for Mia 's recent puppy paw - ty . Mia helped choose which stamps to use , although I narrowed it down some based on the size of the stamp and whether or not it looked right on the napkin . In the end , we chose 5 designs , so each one was used 6 times . The Christmas joke - of - the - day went well so I decided to make type up some jokes that I found for Valentine 's Day . I included 14 of my favorites from around the web , although she will not have that many days of school this month before Valentine 's Day . Plus , they don 't even have school on Valentine 's Day this year ( and that 's not even counting any more snow days that might crop up . . . ) ! I just typed these in Microsoft Word and included some related clip art , printed them , and cut them out . ( Decorative scissors are optional . ) Each time I pack a lunch , I will tape a joke to her sandwich holder . P . S . If you prefer getting jokes without the DIY effort , just Google " printable Valentine 's Day jokes for kids . " The only problem is that you won 't get to hand - pick the jokes , although most of these were repeated on various sites , so that may not be an issue for you . Enjoy ! I am : wife to Brett , " Mama " to Mia , " Mommy " to Logan , a former teacher / current SAHM , and a bit of a daydreamer . When , I 'm not chauffeuring kids , kissing boo - boos , or matching up socks , you will find me here . This is where I share the good , the bad , and the crazy ideas I 've had . Thanks for visiting !
|
Kids are so excited already with this movie which is going to be released Oct . 24 , seeing the sweet Troy and Gabriella again together in this 3rd sequel of the blockbuster hit movie . I wonder how this movie will do this time , after Vanessa 's nude pic scandal . They changed her sweet skirt and pop up sleeved blouse attires to bohemian - influenced style , just so to balanced her character with that of the scandal , making her more mature and kinda ready for college look . She still carries that sweet innocent look on her eyes , so i hope that whatever that nude image that still remains in our mind whenever we see her pics will be gone once we start watching this movie . I baked 2 cakes for him and 24 cupcakes . The yellow cake is my first fondant cake , its MMF . Joren had 2 classmates that came over , a cutey girl and his friend Austin . He was jumping for joy when he found out that his Lolo Rody gave him a bike . His Mamu gave him Lechon de Leche and his Papa prepared a Shabu - shabu . His uncle wawat and Ate May prepared chocolate fountain for him with marshmallows , wafer biscuits and sticko for dippings . I prepared spaghetti and Pancit malabon too with white puto . He was happy and doesn 't want to go to sleep yet at 11pm , coz we were still singing that time , he told me it 's his birthday . Posted by With so many things i wanted to do , i don 't know where to start . Ironic isn 't it ? I have a book ive been wanting to read . Two printouts i woulda read long time ago . My mermaid crosstitch that i put out already on the my top drawer so i could make a few stitch here and there , btw i started doing that 3 years ago and i 'm a few hundred stitches shy of finishing it . What else ? oh i bought a Hugh Grant Dvd and i planned to watch all of it . And i have planned to have a date with my best friend Cherry again . And i 've been wanting to do that creamcheese pie . . . . urggghhhh what to do . . . what to do ? Hubby is asking to have a motorcycle ride with him to Quiapo . . . with all of these in mind , maybe going out with him is a better idea until i came up with what to do next . These are the cakes i made for Daddy . I frosted the cake while cooking chicken macaroni soup . The Mango toppings : 1 Ripe Mango , scraped2 tbsp of glucose ( to make the sauce sticky ) 1 / 2 cup of sugar1 / 8 cup waterProcedure : Pour everything in a non - stick pan in a low fire , mix until it boils . We made it to Calamba to celebrate my Daddy 's birthday , though his birthday is Sept . 17 , we made it there a week after . So i made 2 cakes for him , both are mango cakes and i cooked chicken macaroni soup and bought white puto . On the picture from left to right is Jahjah ( my newphew ) , RoseBelle ( my daughter ) , Ethan ( my nephew ) , my Dad and Jang ( my daughter ) . The other picture is me and daddy . Its was very nice of Rj and hubby to let me take some sleep while they sell the cakes and cookies hehe . I fell asleep at an unused corridor with pile of broken chairs , the chairs there was comfy enuff and that i slept for 7 hours hehehe . I have finally adopted myself with this crazy work schedule , FINALLY . Your Ice Cream Personality : You like to think of yourself as a fairly modest person . And it 's true that you don 't talk yourself up . . . but you 're also pretty happy with who you are . You are incredibly cautious . You rather miss out on something than make a mistake . No one would ever call you wild . . . but they would call you responsible . You are a somewhat open minded person , but deep down you 're fairly conservative . You don 't like trying new things very much . And if you do find something new you like , you stick with it . You tend to have a one track mind . You prefer not to multitask . You can be a big dramatic and over the top sometimes . You are bold in every wayThe Ice Cream Personality Test I 'm here posting my cupcakes , when i should be baking . I still need to bake 2 more cakes and a batch of cookies . * scratches my head * Posted by I can literally live in a bookstore , that is if they allow me , it 's haven for me , i know alot of people can relate . And when we went to Greenhills yesterday , i get to reminisce the feeling of being inside a bookstore again . ( here i go again ) with the kind of job that i have , i don 't really have much time to go or even have time to stay there for a while . Anyways , i just found out that there is another series of books that people are going gah gah over , and which just tells that THAT ' S how i am detached to the book world nowadays . Its the books by Stephenie Meyers , the vampire lovestory saga . I don 't know why i kinda likevampire books or movies , something in them that makes me fascinated , except Anne Rice books , it gives me a chill from my insides , i mean i like vampires because of fascination but not to the point that i can already sense someone dark watching me hehehe well that 's how good A . Rice is . Anyways i already started to rearrange my book shelf for that 3 vampire books , and hopefully next payday my wallet will spare some money for me * starts doing the math * Flor just got home from the hospital about 2 days ago and it 's her birthday today , so after coming from work i decided to make a chocolate cake for her . Coz i remember when i was making a chocolate cake with lots of marshmallows she really liked it , so i throw a bagful of marshmallows on her cake and i made another cake the same one just that i made it square , for my kids , i know that once Flor put her cake on the table my kids prolly will not have enough to eat . So the square one is solely for them . The traffic was heavy , we have a 4 yr old & an 8 yr old , a teenager whose getting our attention by telling jokes and two women who loves to talk ( one was me ) , we were on our way to Greenhills . It was chaos ! I started taking pics and it gave a moment of silence , i found that nick of time of silence precious ! I was JUST about to email all the powerpoint files i made about cupcakes & cake designing , just that i got lazy and watched dvd instead . The day after that my pc crashed and i can hear that little voice inside my head , who likes to blame me all the time , saying ' told you so ' . I think thats her favorite line . So without a pc for a few days is not my worry really , but its more of like i can 't really make my son NOT to download games from the net , it 's becoming habitual already , that i have to think of another strategy , thats my college son , he seems to be getting a little selfish lately , not considering how others will be affected with his actions . * breathes deeply * . He was able to retrieve my files tho , so im happy with it . And he helped his uncle to reformat the pc , i hope he learns this time . This is hubby showing off the new Kobey rubber shoes that he wore for the 2008 Olympics games in Beijing . This particular collection has a number 10 imprinted on the side , Kobey 's jersey number for the 2008 Dream Team . The last Kobey Shoes that he has is still inside the box , untouched . . i think this is the one they call Black Mamba . Not to mention he has the same shoe with a different color . And he has an eye for that new shoe again . . His first Kobey shoe was bought from Singapore i dunno what it 's called but it looked like a robot with totally blackshiny skin and no strings at all . Don 't make me start telling his Kobey 's jersey collection . I am VERY VERY forgetful , like turned - the - cabinet - inside - & - out - looking - for - keys - just - to - find - out - its - inside - my - pocket , forgetful . Sometimes i hide my wallet to places i can 't remember that i end up buying a new one . Or money that i save for emergencies , i would put it inside somewhere that nobody will ever find , EVEN me . BUT it boggles my mind why there are certain dates that i cannot forget , dates like one of my highschool best friend 's bday , which is Sept . 6 , her name is Flordeliza , , it 's like whenever that day comes im always wishing that if only theres a way to communicate with her . And the Heavens heard me that Flordeliza got my number and exchange txts msgs since early this year and when Sept 6 came i greeted her early morning . She said that she was SO suprised and happy that i remembered her birthday , we haven 't seen each other since after highschool and that was 20 yrs ago and i can 't even remember what her last name was , and there i was greeting her on her birthday . I made a special person of my highschool life happy and after 2o yrs of remembering her every Sept 6 i am able to greet her Happy Birthday finally . Last Bazaar i have request for a mango cake and carrot cake , thats why i made a carrot cake the other day , and i was suprise to find out that my kids actually love it . If i can still remember the last time i bake one was last New Year , uhmmm and at that time they didn 't even want to touch it , i wonder is it because we have like 3 cakes on the table that time or they really didn 't knew that it was a carrot cake ? Creamcheese frosting is a knock - out and i drizzle a generous amount of melted white chocolate on top , so prolly that gave it a kick to them . Nevertheless , i am again a happy mother : ) Well it turned out good , when it comes to the taste , i had 2 people asking about ordering , hehe they said it was very good . I just have to worry about making it a perfect square then . Which will take like 5 sans rival for practice . I made my own cookie cutouts , since here in the Phils , you don 't really have a wide range of shapes to choose when it comes to cookie cutters , i don 't want to order online too . So i decided to make my own original designs , i just hope that it will be hard enuff to cut a dough hehe , well i 'll find out tomorrow . I 'm set to do the cookie dough tonight and ill chill them overnight and will start cutting tomorrow . If it ends well i 'm going to do more designs . Oh im sure you 'll be asking what the heck is that shape , well it an obvious heart and butterfly , the other one is a flower , it 's not a cloud hehehe I was only doing half recipe , i was trying to save some money , but while i was mixing the egg whites instead of putting 3 / 4 cup of sugar i used 1 1 / 2 cup instead which was the whole recipe , so it turned out a little bit sweet and the wafer cracked when i was trying to remove it from the pan . But the butter custard filling tastes so good and it somehow matches the sweetness of the wafer , my kids rated it as 6 ( 10 being the perfect score ) i can settle with 6 , i bet its the filling that did it . Next time i hope i can remove it WHOLE from the pan . I 've had request about selling brownies just that my brownie recipe seems to not want to cooperate during hectic times , i have made the brownies twice already on the bazaar JUST that it seems that the marshmallows has a mind of its own and wants to melt down on the pan before the timer sets off . So since it happened twice already , i 'm about a little nikkyteee about trying a new recipe , what an adventure ! I normally try recipes first before have others taste them , not that i 'm afraid of rejection , just that its a fab having people saying your cooking is great , and rejection with me seems to go a long way , it was actually when i was . . . . . . . . . ok fine fine fine i admit IT , critisisms FREAKS the heck outta me hehehehe This is a chiffon cake with white icing . This is the first time i ever made flowers using the same icing to frost the cake , normally i make flowers with more powdered sugar in it and i let it air dry first before putting it on a cake . With this one i used a toothpick to make the flowers and then let the flowers slide down on the cake after pointing the toothpick to where i 'm going to arrange the flowers to . I just did ' nt thought that it would be this easy . ( Rosebelle played with my cellphone the other day , i dint notice that the flash was off , so sorry about the poor picture quality ) This is another website that i find very interesting . You could check it out if you are head over heels about baking . I have already learned a few tricks here and there , so i hope you can learn something new too . Happy browsing ! ! This is the link www . bakespace . comOH btw a warning on those who are brave enuff to check this website . . . it 's highly addictive ; P I 've always been on a search for a new recipe here and there . One of my favorite site is www . foodnetwork . com , but unfortunately Gale Gand is not there anymore , btw she is the host of ' Sweet Dreams ' aired at Lifestyle Network . I have used some of her recipes and they are really good . Anyways , i found a new website http : / / joyofbaking . com / . This website not only have pictures but it also tells you how the recipe originated and detailed instructions on the correct procedures so the recipe is fail proof . THOUGH i haven 't tried any recipe yet , but i 'll bake on this week if the budget allows it . The first recipe in line is New York Cheese Cake . Everybody has one . . . will you tell me the one you 'll never forget ? No need to mention names . . . i would just like to know , how corny a person can get . Lemme tell you mine first . . . When i was 11 , the first time i fell in love was with a star and i collected pictures , magazine & posters . I have seen concerts and went to his TV appearances . One time i was on his concert , i had to jump down from one level to another at the back side of the stage , that particular place was so dark , didn 't care if the jump will break my bones , all i knew that time was i had to be near . . . when i finally jumped and was about 10 feet away from him , i stretched my arms and shouted . . . ' I LOVE YOU * * * ! ! ! ! I LOVE YOU * * * ! ! ! , . The guard beside him looked to check where that desperate voice was coming from . . . . but he . . . . . didn 't . I then realize how impossible it is to even touch him . At the age of thirteen i already knew how it felt to have your heart broken into pieces . She is going to kill me when she sees this . This was after the bazaar . Chinggay didn 't stop talking about every woman deserving a girly day and she went on and on almost half of the day , i told her i still have cupcakes to sell , you know what she did ? She helped me with selling them , just so to make me go with her . Fine . . . ok . . . i 'll go . . . i 'll just post our picture then . Love yah girl ; ) And BTW doesn 't she still look puuurrrtty pretty ? ? Rosebelle requested me to bake cupcakes for her , the kids really love the chocolate cupcakes , well almost all kids do . Though i still have work tonight , i opted to follow , again who am i to say no i 'm just a mother . And you know it 's a delight to hear your kids craving for something that only you can make and that they love it . It 's a mother 's piece of heaven . I had been searching for the perfect choco chip cookie recipe . . my ever first try to bake this cookie was about 1998 but the recipe was so soft that even after chilling the cookie dough , minutes after i put in the oven , it starts loosing it shape and crawls like it wants to be a one big whole cookie . So instead a a chewy unresistable delight , its so crispy you can put in an ice cream sundae for decorations . Well at least it has some use . Then i started searching for more recipes finally 10 years later i came up with one , made some alterations with my kids good taste with sweets and whallahh i think i came up with a good recipe that people actually love it . Now i have a new quest . . . a hunt for an oreo cheese cake pie recipe , i hope this time it won 't that long to get the perfect one . I was always waiting for RDOT ( Rest Day Over Time ) announcements and when management started to asked for people who are willing to render RDOT , upon hearing that i stood rushing up waving my hand like crazy on the air , was about to fall on the ground , because i still had my headset on , to sign up for it . And upon signing up the Team Lead announced that not only it 's RDOT pay ( wait there 's more ) there will be additional PhP50 per hour . I was already calculating how much i 'll be earning for that day . And i was so happy with the sum . YEeeePPEeee ! Anyways i found out that we have a new schedule , the one that i 've been praying for and wishing to have all this months . Our team will be moved to a ' closer ' time shift , i love this shift coz not only i can get more sleep at night , i can take care of my kids before they go to school . I was happy . Im SO having a lucky day . . . RDOT available , PhP50 / hr additional and i 'm going to have my dream shift ! But along with that new time shift they also changed our rest days and of course you know what 's next . . . the RDOT day happened to be the day that was supposed to be my rest day is now a regular day work for me . I dunno what i felt that moment . I SOOO envy those guys who worked today , they get like 220 % x basic pay . * sits down and holds her head * Lessons Learned : a . Be careful with what you wish for . b . Be . . . DETAILED . . . with what you wish for . c . Don 't be confused with good lucks and bad lucks , only the latter has the privilege of coming in threes . One of the great movies i know . I didn 't want to watch it at first , i already knew that from the movie preview its a love story . I was thinking heck Clint Eastwood and Meryl Streep in a love story movie ? * rolls my eyes * who in a right mind put their money to produce this movie ? I mean who would want to watch two old people making out ? C ' mon . I mean we prefer seeing young kids falling in love and then growing up together , but they have to start young in the movie first . But with this movie ? Nope ! The story started in their midlife . Francesca ( Meryl Streep ) was a mother of two teenagers and Robert ( Clint Eastwood ) was a photographer for National Geographic . Just that at that time i really run out of choices for movies that i rented this one . Alas , lo and behold , i cried like crazy , bawled even , started middle of the movie up till it was showing the credits . I shouldn 't be surprise at all , this two magnificent actors , who knows how to choose a very good script definitely knows their craft . Btw i have the book too . This movie breaks your heart into pieces like what you expect in a love story movie to be , it makes you think that a mother will do everything for her kids to the extent of loosing herself , but it makes you realize that love can survive , grow & be so strong even far apart , and that kind of love can happen . . A favorite poem of mine fits this movie . . . Tho lovers be lost But love shall not And death shall have no dominion Francesca : Robert , please . You don 't understand , no - one does . When a woman makes the choice to marry , to have children ; in one way her life begins but in another way it stops . You build a life of details . You become a mother , a wife and you stop and stay steady so that your children can move . And when they leave they take your life of details with them . And then you 're expected move again only you don 't remember what moves you because no - one has asked in so long . Not even yourself . You never in your life think that love like this can happen to you . Robert Kincaid : This kind of certainty comes bPosted by After work i went with out with my old teammates . Although Lindsay wasn 't able to join us , she later text us that she was rushed to the doctor , blood pressure was low . I was thinking , my gosh she is so young for that . Although with the kind of work that we have ? Bouncing blood pressures are pretty common . But she 's still forever immortalized in my mind as a young girl . Anyway i hope she gets well soon . There were just 5 of us , but my gosh , we rocked the whole place down , we were so loud with sharing stories and laughing . Which is one of the things that i really missed . I have bonded with this people and that is etched for eternity . Cha , is now continuing her studies at UP Diliman , she resigned about 3 months ago . And my gosh she looks very very pretty and stress free . I missed her quick response to everything , well she can get politically sarcastic , but she is very funny that way . Cute even . You can talk to her about anything and she can definitely relate even though she is much younger than Lindsay . Which means she is forever young to me . I love her to pieces . Then there is Daryl , he resigned about 2 months ago , due to ? * thinks * what was his reason again for quitting work ? nothing really , he just , all of a sudden , didn 't go to work one night and the next night and the night after that . When he came back after 5 days , he is proud to carry a medical certificate , proving he was clever to have come up with one . He then told me he was so engrossed on playing tong - its and he lost money . SO , after going to work one night he suddenly went absent again . So we were wondering what happened , we asked Balot , his closest friend among us , and she said Daryl was finally sick . Was at the hospital at that time and he has used up all his leaves . And that prolly made him quit work . But he is still one of the nicest guys i know at work , like Cha , he is quite frank and he 'll tell it to you at your face if need be . And i like him for that . And there is Balot who is still working at NCO . She will assist you till she drops . She is just likePosted by Typically i am very quiet especially around many people , i 'm always the one listening and observing . But i have noticed that since i started working again about 3 yrs ago , surrounded with younger ppl , i have learned how to butt in and have them hear my thoughts but then again if you compare that to a regular person , im still timid . Anyways , ever since i can remember , i 've been writing my thoughts . I remember i had Sandra ( my first diary ) where i wrote my experiences at highschool . . . . i still have her hidden somewhere . . . im too ashamed to read it tho hehe and do i need to explain why ? hehe , hey wait of course i will explain why . . . but prolly laterI know i have like 4 diaries . . . the last one is a starbucks organizer that got torned recently . . . thoughts from that one are all sad , gloomy experiences that in one way or another had helped me release some of the feelings i was going thru at that time , but hey i 've come up with wise quotes there and im proud of that already . Anyways , be ready with my thoughts & comments . I 'm already loving this ! ! I just recently discovered that you can actually watch TV series and movies online . Not only that , you can download it to your mobile phones , if its capable and if you have the memory card for that , wow ! well prolly not that jaw dropping thing for others , my sweet sugar shake it is to me ! ! So im starting to watch a movie now , ' Fracture ' with the great Anthony Hopkins , i have missed this movie at HBO and been trying to catch it . And i 'm so happy that i have the opportuny to watch it with a little click of my mouse . have started to buy the materials needed for my bazaar and with the sudden change of my schedule this week i dunno how am i going to bake on wednesday and thursday . So i 'm kind of planning to do each day until friday . But right now i 'm going to start doing the skinless longgonisa and will teach Flor on how to wrap it , so she can start doing that tomorrow . And then i did molded some chocolate lollipops already and i 'm going to wrap ' em up later before i go to bed . And prolly tomorrow i 'll make the dough for boat tarts and will store them in the fridge . Then the day after that i 'll make the dough for sugar cookies , will shape them up and store them in the fridge again . And then i 'll start baking the cupcakes and while waiting for them to cook , i 'll prepare and measure all the needed recipes , will separate the eggs so that thursday i 'll just throw them inside the oven and whaaallaaa prolly , it 'll just take 8 hours for me to bake 3 cakes , the tarts and cookies . I wonder how i can do all of that ? * scratches my head and think * I stayed home while the kids went to Tagaytay with in - laws . And our maid ' Flor ' was suppose to have a day off today , she asked me earlier this week about it , she said it 's her husband 's birthday , but my hubby told her to stay today and just take her off next week . So when i saw her this morning starting to clean the house , i asked her what time is she going . She told me about her convo with hubby and i felt sorry for her , she explained that hubby didn 't knew about her husband 's birthday . SO i asked her to go . She said she doesn 't have money , told her i can only lend her PhP100 for fare and then we 'll bake a cake . She readily agreed and i made someone smile today , which feels heavenly . SO we started with preparations and i noticed i run out of paper lining and that i only have paper cups for cupcakes . SO i asked Flor ' Cupcakes instead ? ' who will say no to that only option ? Who would have thought that writing blogs is going to make me SO happy . My sweet sugar shake , i love it . I have started feeling so happy already . This is one of the advice i got from one of my favorite person in the world . He told me to do things that makes me happy , and at first alot of questions came popping out of my mind . . ' what am i suppose to write ? ' , ' how can i come up with things to say . . . everyday even . . ' , ' will i come up with cool things say ? ' , ' Will somebody even bother to read them ? ' , ' will this add to my burden and responsibilities ? ' etc etc etcBoy i didn 't thought that ideas to write will start pouring and each day i have like 10 topics running in my mind to share with . I 'm getting excited already on what to write the next day . And not only i 'm able to let the world hear my thoughts , but i 'm finally able to feel conscious free about it . And it releases some of the feelings i had boiled down inside of me , and already makes my load less heavy . I was so stressed with what 's happening around me and when i came home from work , the kids requested for me to baked lollipop sugar cookies ( and who am i to say no , i am just a mother , i don 't have the heart to say no ) i readily started baking . And that i come up with 14 lollipops . In the middle of lining the cookies on the pan i thought this could be fun , i just need to start using my artistic side ( if there is one ) and will start designing . FUN TIME . This could be a stress releasing moment for me . Uhmmm and indeed it was . Not only that i 'm proud of myself with the designs i came up with ( goodthing i took some pics , coz the moment the icings were set , a storm blew the cookies away ) i 'm able do something that really makes me happy and content . . . be a servant to whatever my kids wants . . being able to GIVE them what they want . . . and baking . * smiling happily * Finally the dvd remote control is fixed and i can start watching Full House again . Though i have seen this already , i just want to see Rain again . I 'm not into Korean Tv series , not into Mexican series as well . I prefer watching Smallville , Ghost Whisperer , Heroes , and so forth . I never saw myself watching and reading captions at the same time . One day i run out of dvds and series to watch , at that time i just finished One Tree Hill Season 1 - 4 , and then Rosebelle saw me looking for some dvds to watch she pleaded me with those puppy cute eyes to watch Full House and i am just a mother i can 't have the right to say no and i was like , ill prolly be asleep by the time it even started so , i said ok if she watch with me . Thats a good deal already . And so we did , i didn 't get my 5 hours sleep that day . Song Hye Kyo ( Jessie ) is so cute and pretty with how she expresses her emotions with facial reactions and Rain is SO handsome with his small eyes and childish smile . PurrRRrrrRR . The series is so CUTE that i am thinking of producing the sequel if i win the lottery . * Runs to the lotto both * I remember going up at our roof every 4 in the afternoon when i was a teen . Mainly because i find peace there . I remember conquering the fear of walking on the wall that leads to the roof , balancing my way through this 6 inch thick wall and my feet was barely fitting it that i had to step sideways . I just sat there for an hour talking to GOD and looking at a far rice field . I can see the grass dancing with the tree branches to and fro . I grew up always seeing Mt . Makiling , but when i am up there she looks a lot different and more magnificent . If only i had a camera phone that time i woulda taken tons of pics already . I wish i can go back there , if the roof can still hold my weight which has quadrapled already . Just to get the feel of that peace again . I slept last night watching ' Wanted ' by Angelina Jolie at around 12 : 00 am . Don 't get me wrong , it is a very good movie , just that watching movies is the only thing that really helps me sleep . Now don 't get me wrong again by thinking that i have insomia . NOPE . It 's just that my work is at night , and i have been doing the same work for 3 yrs now , so it did screwed up my sleeping hours during my off days . And whats funny is that i 'll wake up every time somebody turns the tv off . Anyways i have spent the whole morning sleeping in the middle of watching ' Prom night ' ( yup ! even suspense thriller movies makes me sleep ) . I woked up at 12 : 30 waiting for my daughter to come home from school so we can go get some groceries . I have to start preparing for the bazaar . I have a bazaar every 2nd friday of the month . It helps with the bills . But gosh i baked till i drop for a total of 2 whole days . BTW i sell cakes , pies , tarts & cookies . And i LOVVVVEEEE baking so much i don 't care if all my muscles starts to melt running down on my bones . Anyways this is my second day , and i am really loving it already . With my crazy schedule i don 't get to spend much time with my kids . It 's either they are at school by the time i come home , or i 'll be asleep by the time they come home from school . One of the things that i do so we can have quality time whenever im off i will buy movies that they like so we can watch together . But with 4 kids having 4 with different moods it 's hard to get them together in one room . And only a mother can think of how to keep her own kids . You know how i do it ? I just buy 1 bag of different chips and drinks and whallaaa i don 't even have to call them . I normally talk about nonsense , sometimes there are 3 topics running in my mind , that i blobb all the time , hubby normally has a hard time keeping up with what i 'm saying most especially when im mixing one idea from another . One early morning when hubby was accompanying me to the taxi area , i was going to work that time , he talked about making dumplings and i told him i have a good recipe for that and it its fail - proof and my mind was still thinking of ingredients and he asked me about how to make a sauce for fishball , so i answered him with ingredients for siomai and sauce at the same time , he said here i go again . SOrry about that its just that im about a nick of a second late and that i was hurrying up . SO blobbing is my favorite moment and coz i find it humorous afterwards . yes and i 'm here blogging my heart out . I just discovered another weird thing about working at night . It 's my day off and with my new time shift nowadays i normally get sleepy at around 8pm , with hubby having long discussions about his new venture , he 's been going to bed a little bit late more than a few nights now , SO , when he went to bed tonight or last night * boggles her head * i think last night coz it morning already ( i 'm blobbing ) he accidentally woke me up and since i was already awake he invited me to get some food . SO we did had a quick snack and some share of ideas about his venture and now after talking he fell asleep and here i am , wide - eyed - brain - very active - awake . I can 't find me sleep anymore since i USED to being awake at wee hours in the morning , might as well wait for 1 more hour . I have to prepare breakfast anyways , its a school day .
|
even as i make fantastic plans , book the flight to escape to europe for three weeks . to see roma again , my hearts home , and madrid - my first time to spain ! even so , even as i make plans , i feel the tears drowning my heart , creeping up my throat , threatening to spill out into reality . i swallow it . i take the clue from you . what else am i supposed to do ? i knew that it might have been too late to ask to spend christmas with you , with family . but it didn 't know it would all be too late . i 'm trying . i 'm going to go away . find myself again , find myself as i did last time , in rome . What would Rome have been without you ? What I would be without you ? I was a rare privileged one who slipped into the life of a Roman . With you , I lived the life of a Roman . Continue reading → In the morning light he stands silhouetted against the kitchen window 's gaze . Trees are a near image of black and white the backdrop behind him . They have grown there of dinner 's waste disposed of in pots of soil to late reap trees of plum and lemon , dates , and tomato vines , melons sprouts that will never grow pregnant into their confined space , and a new sprout yet to be determined as orange or lemon , but he knows that it is citrus . As he pours the water ( word for just before boiling ) into the pot the gas flame flames licking at the sky stretching great feats of distance , three and four inches high unbridled flame . Tea and toast and little cookies . He watered the plants and there is a slow cascade of water dripping that blends into the choirs music wafting through the kitchen that seems just all to fitting for a Sunday morning . He discusses living in the shadow of the Roman Catholic Church and wonders why the Pope doesn 't save lives instead of souls . The desk has space for one to sit and spans nearly as wide as the room , much longer than a bed might be . Papers and books , and documentations of authenticity are strewn , but neatly , across . All are centered about the chair which faces the window of flirting blue reminiscent of clouds . Against the back wall , opposite the window , is one framed photograph . Black and white , matted against creamy white , in a thin wooden frame . A table of elegant men and women are frozen in a moment . The woman in the right corner stares out with clearest eyes of glass , just as la Fornarina . She wears a hat . To the other end sits a mother , though not yet realized . She looks out of the photo from the slight turn of her face . In between , men are locked in various states of unaware being , one looking at the camera , the others simply arranged in a Caravaggio construction of the Last Supper . The photo is placed high on the wall - positioned for the tall , dark and handsome Italian man who lives here . Or is he Spanish ? Last night I went to eat at " Baffetto 2 " again . I took my book , Suite Franà § aise , and was seated solo on the alley at a table adjoining another . Continue reading → Young carries the eternal flame , his life just began Family escapes , life unscathed We toured the Galleria Borghese today , and it was an inspiring experience . Bernini 's work is prominently showcased here , with Apollo and Daphne , David , Pluto and Proserpina ( or The Rape of Proserpina ) , and Truth Unveiled by Time . Bernini is a master of a moment in motion captured in marble . I was also intrigued by the amazing detail in Canova 's Pauline Bonaparte , a sculpture of Napoleon 's sister who was reluctantly married to the reigning Prince Borghese . She was a scandalous woman who when asked how it was that she could pose nearly naked , blithely replied " Oh , there was a stove in the studio . " She left a legacy of tales regarding her jewels , clothes , lovers , the " negro " who carried her from her bath , and the servants she used as footstools . Titian 's Sacred and Profane Love , elements of the painting symbolizing " fleeting happiness on earth " and " eternal happiness in heaven " . This morning we had a Caravaggio walk to start off our first morning back . It was really nice because we met up at 9 . 30 - which is pretty late for us . We walked first to S . Agnostino 's Basilica where we viewed the Madonna of the Pilgrims ( 1604 - 06 ) . Interesting to note , the model was a prostitute and her babe in arms . There was also Raffaello 's Prophet Isaiah as well . Mothers gaze awry . Perspective drawn so that we are too - only ever to gaze up upon him . From darkness comes light . Next we went just around the corner to Chiesa di San Luigi dei Francesi where Caravaggio has three pieces : The Calling of Saint Matthew , The Inspiration of Saint Matthew , and The Martyrdom of Saint Matthew . Finally we trekked out to the S . Maria del Popolo again to revisit the Crucifixion of Peter and the Conversion of Saul . Matt let us in on Caravaggio 's life a bit , explaining of how he ran from Rome ( he killed a man - a friend of the Pope 's , and was found to be sodomizing young boys ) , then was fast - track knighted elsewhere only to be hunted again when he was found to have done something so vile it could not be written ( and thus forever undocumented ) . The Borghese ' entreated the Pope to pardon Caravaggio because they were desperate to have him return to Rome and their patronage , and finally he received word that we was welcomed back . However somewhere north of Rome he disappeared and his body was never found . Remember that he would paint his pieces with consideration of where they would be shown in mind . This is what makes the pieces in S . Maria 's so intriguing , because the butt in your face , or the horses hindquarters towards alter are no mistake . He also liked to paint feet dirty , gritty and real , which was an often an issue for the Church 's taste . He had to repaint The Inspiration of Matthew because they wouldn 't accept the grit and grim of the first . Hence Matthew 's odd stature where he looks like he 's off balance and going to fall off the chair . Caravaggio didn 't hide bitterness well . ( The horse 's hindquarters are facing the altar piece because he wanted to do the altar piece but they commissioned another artist instead . ) So we met up this morning at 8 . 30 to head into Sorrento to catch a ferry to Capri . Off to a good start . We arrive and first thing locate the stand to buy tickets for the Blue Grotto . Unfortunately the Grotto was closed for hide tide / dangerous water . Consoling ourselves , Rachel said the only way to see the Blue Grotto is to come back on a friend 's private yacht . I agreed . Instead we took the boat around the island which was actually quite lovely . Back at the Marina Grande we picked up a sandwich and fruit in the deli then followed the Germans to the bus up to Anacapri . From there we took the lift to the top of the hill . It was an interesting experience . The photos of the view are from the top . The view is well worth the â ‚¬ 7 , and it 's a great spot to eat your lunch . On the way up there was an curious spot where someone who loves to collect trinkets obviously lives . I captured a few photos of it on the way down . At the bottom again we determined there just wasn 't enough time ( given Italian bus dependency ) to go to Lido del Faro . Instead we picked up the bus headed to the bottom again . We got off in Marina Piccolo and wandered around in the streets overstuffed with shops . There was one , 100 % Capri it was called , that had the most amazing linen clothes . Of course they thought so as well . The shirt I lovingly fingered to revel in the texture was only â ‚¬ 240 ! We worked our way back to the main piazza where I was delighted to find a limone granite stand . I bought two while Rachel grabbed tickets for the funicular . Finally back at the bottom in Capri 's Marina Grande we decided we wanted off the island and would rather relax in Sorrento . We spent the last hour together wandering Sorrento 's market streets where I picked up Baba Limoncello while Rachel found an Italian copy of Faulkner 's The Sound and the Fury . We arrived at the station with my bag and a ticket in hand just in time for me to board . ( I 'm thrilled - I get to see Rachel again in Rome this weekend ! ) Somehow the train just wasn 't the direct one that was noted at the station . Instead it stopped at every stop along the way , and even rested for about 10 minutes somewhere in the middle . I arrived in Napoli a little late for the train I wanted , and instead ended up on an express for just â ‚¬ 10 . 50 . Not bad . Last night I walked Rachel down to the end of the street , and then headed back up to climb into bed exhausted . We were to meet after her class for our trip into the Amalfi Coast . I had a cappuccino and cornetti at the little snack bar outside her language school - Rachel is taking Italian lessons for the week - and lost myself in my book , Suite Franà § iase . At about 11 we caught the bus to Postiano and were proud of ourselves for having secured seats on the right side of the bus . Most of the view for the first portion was actually on the opposite side of the bus . I was bonked squarely on the head by an annoying little man who we would continue running into on the trip . He had slipped trying to take an ill advised photo leaning out the window of the bus . I had perverse pleasure in that none of his photos would turn out very well . He must have had short man syndrome , he had definitely earned the right ! The views were breathtaking and when we arrived we walked the highway most of the way down to the beach . Along the way we found a tiny local deli and had fresh sandwiches made . When we reached the shopping portion we ate on a little stoop . I reveled in the limone granite that we found , and we took a brief moment to appreciate the view of the city from the water looking back up . It was nearly three so we hiked up the hill quickly to try to catch the bus out to Amalfi . Unfortunately we arrived just moments too late and the next one wasn 't to come for an hour and a half ! Tired , sweaty and suppressing crankiness , we almost literally bathed in the fountain and settled in to plan our trip to Capri and the Blue Grotto the next day . We were happy to see the little man 's interminable family leave on the bus heading back to Sorrento , but we were joined but another clueless family whose father loudly proclaimed that they had been waiting the longest yet weren 't able to sit . I just looked at Rachel with a slight smile . Yeah , right . Amalfi was cool . Honestly at the moment though I can 't remember much of it . Isn 't that horrible ? I 'm writing a day behind and the atrocities of Capri are looming and overshadowing my mind 's memory . Back at home we picked up a bottle of wine and baba limoncello from the supermarket and then headed home . Showered and then started a lovely little evening . We ate the other sandwich from earlier , drank the wine and had baba 's for dessert . We tried to share photos , but the internet connection wasn 't working again . Venturing downstairs we had an unsuccessful run - in with the night guard who just wasn 't having it when I tried to explain how we needed to reset the router . Oh well . We stayed up late chatting - the front desk calling near midnight to ensure my guest would not be staying the night - Rachel roused and headed back home . We decided we Capri could wait for 30 minutes in the morning for extra sleep . I took Rachel up to see the view from the pool area , and she fell in love with the hotel and the city too I 'd say . It is an amazing panoramic view of the city pushed into the mountains all the way to the sea , and stretching out as far as the eye can see . My patio view isn 't half bad either , just not from the same vantage point . We finished my bottle of wine from the night before while sitting on the veranda . So then we walked into Sorrento arriving just in time for our reservation at 20 . 00 . Stepping into the restaurant it was easy to see we had made a great choice . The ambiance was unbelievable ; I kick myself now as I realize I didn 't take a photo . Tables were properly set and waiting for water , champagne and wine . Aperitifs were brought out as soon as we were settled into our seats , champagne to follow . We were served an arrangement of delicious looking breads , and then we were served another with two very special rolls to try . We both went for the traditional tasting menu and we weren 't the least bit disappointed . Everything was unbelievable . So I woke up this morning thrilled to be on holiday . The air conditioning was perfectly tempered all night long ; the sun was streaming in through the patio doors at just the right amount to let me know that it was indeed morning . I rolled over and dosed a bit more . I made my way upstairs for breakfast and a cappuccino that was made from a machine ( can you believe it ? ! ) . Back in my room I read for another chapter before deciding that , indeed , I was going to the Lido Meta Mare that Rick spoke of - alone . I took the train into Sorrento ( the opposite direction of my ultimate direction ) and wandered the square . I had originally considered having lunch in Sorrento , then picking up the bus from Piazza Tasso ( Linea A ) but then realized it was too early as it was just noon . I wound through the narrow alley of shops and knickknacks and back to the square to make my way to the sea . At the bus stop a girl came up and asked the woman beside me if she knew where Line A was . ( I had confirmed I was in the right place with the shopkeeper standing watch as there was no listing for " Linea A " on any of the schedules posted at either side of the street ) . I turned and confirmed that she was in the right place . We started to chat with my attitude being just a bit reservedâ €¦ why , I 'm not sure , but this I recall . We learned we were both alone and hanging out , first I suggested dinner , and we sought our mobile numbers , which incidentally neither of us knew . Then I told her I was on the way to the beach , and she mentioned that she happened to have her swimsuit - we were on our way . And that 's how I met Rachel . The sea was lovely , there was only one other international couple there that we ran into on our way in . Otherwise it was just us and the Italians . It was a rather large beach split up into at least three sections , and beyond large rocks and the public beach there was another section of beach just for the cluster of hotels . Entry was cheap , and the services were also inexpensive . I write sitting on the veranda overlooking the sea , Mount Vesuvius shrouded in fog at its base and church bells warning all of Mass ( it 's 19 . 00 ) . Two cannons shots dot the air with plumes of smoke at the nook between two mountains at the edge of town . It really is amazingly beautiful here . I started reading my book , Suite Française , on the train on the way here . It is moving , and I have a new appreciation for the writing given all that I 've learned in the past two weeks . This morning we had something of a poetry scavenger hunt . We started in the Campo , our first pitch was to write a riddle about something we found there . Mine was : What am I ? I had been amused by the premixed spices you can pick up to create your own sauces . Must buy tons to take back home with me ! We checked out this building where there was a very cool perspective trick . ( Find name of artist , starts with a " B " . ) It was very cool , but unfortunately I knew the trick . Interestingly enough apparently the distance is 11 meters while the perspective cheats your eye into believing that it would be 33 instead . We met up again at the end of the day for " High Mass " at the park just to the right of the top of the Campodiligio . Every person read a poem or piece written from the past two weeks , and then Rick serenaded us with a collection of lines from what we had read . I believe he had at least one from everyone . It was brilliant . Then he bid us adieu with a few of his own . He 's clever and brilliant ; it 's sad he 's going home . I walked with Davida and Lisa on the way home and we stopped in the Ghetto for dinner at a place I 'd noted several times called Giggelleto . It was really a charming place and dinner was quite good . Would love to take Brian and his family there . Okay , so the week does seem long . I enjoy our days exploring sights of the city , but it is a bit exhausting especially when it spills into the weekends as well . I can 't wait for our upcoming four day holiday ! That having been said , Friday seemed to be another day to drag myself out of bed with complaints of being tired . We headed off to San Clemente , Laurie and I walking together the whole way ( it 's past the Colosseum ) . The morning was actually fairly cool , so it was a nice walk . It turns out that the Church doesn 't open the museum until noon , so we had all arrived two hours too early . No worries , Carol and Alex gave presentations on the Mythraic cult , and Sarah and Poppy told us about the ancient Christians who apparently secretly worshipped in the adjoining structure separated by a tiny hallway , both buried beneath the current structure of the Church . A fraternity of dogs came to play in the fountain at which we were gathered and we gave way and headed into the Museum . Again , an amazing experience . I must do research to determine what went on here . They say that the Apostle Paul ( or was it Peter ? ) met here in secret with the earliest Christians in Rome . Truth is the relic soughtâ €¦ " Laurie and I met up with Lelo ( Francesco ) to go grab something to eat . He took us to a pizza place just around the corner on the way to Piazza Navona called Monte Carlo 's . It was yummy yummy . Loved their zuccina fiori . Laurie picked up the tab ( must pay her back ) , and then we headed to Joe 's for a drink before sacking out . I was a bit tipsy , and was exhausted by the time I passed out . Kelsey and I walked through the museum together . We went at about 12 . 30pm and virtually walked right in . There were about five people ahead of us to buy tickets in the student line . There was a ticket counter with no wait at all . Though we would have loved to avoid it , and its irreverent people , we ended up pushed along into the Sistine Chapel . We were both in shock at how virtual every person had camera raised above their head flashing away taking photos , and silence wasn 't even a consideration . Almost made you wonder if they 'd designated the day as a free - for - all for amateur photographers ? Where was imposing baritone voice intoning " No fotos " and " Silencio " ? Today we got up early and headed to a bus which took us about an hour out of the city to Cerveteri to the ancient Etruscan 's city of Necropoli . This was an interesting experience , tombs which you climb down intoâ €¦ a whole city of them . It was a very peaceful area and contradictory to its name the city was brimming full of life . We headed to Tarquinia for lunch and checked out the museum there . The view of the sea was beautiful from this hilltop town . After making the rounds in the museum and capturing a snapshot of yet another built in seat nestled next to the window ( perhaps you 've noticed the trend in my photos ? ) Next we checked out another set of tombs , these with frescos inside . The burial place was set atop the hill and again the view was amazing . One tomb held a racy sceneâ €¦ interesting to see what some choose as their backdrop in preparation for the ' afterlife ' . This was the first time that we have bothered to take the bus and metro . Laurie and I rose early to meet the group at Bruno in the Campo , but alas no one was to be found . We bought tickets at the Tabacchi and headed to Largo Argentina to pick up the first bus headed to the Termini ( 40 or 64 ) . We arrived safely and picked up the train to Cinecittà , the next to the last stop on line A , if I recall correctly . On arrival we exited the station and arose from the underground into our group clustered around the corner cafè . Continue reading → Monday we walked through the Forums and it was very hot . Somehow that just seemed right . Walking through I looked up to notice high above all else , at the top of a steeple , and at the base of the holy symbol of Christianity , a blossom of green . I was stunned â € " how does a plant end up there ? From what is it growing ? There is no ground , is life springing forth from a seed carried by wind or bird and in the soil of years worn cement into dust just reminiscent of dirt that a blossom takes hold ? After I went to the Coliseum , again I make note that it was hot . But I hadn 't seen this site last time and figured I would get the task out of the way so next time people hear I 've traveled to Rome I might answer affirmatively to the next questionâ €¦ " Did you see the Colosseum ? " Thanks to our group ticket from the Forum I was able to skirt the winding , sweaty and grumpy crowd snaking its way to the Ingresso . In line I met a charming group ; I smiled at their accents , and smiled again when they affirmed my Carolinian suspicions - a family plus others , visiting from Raleigh . Returning home was like a trek through hell . Did I mention that it was hot ? I tore through the Forums as fast as possible , stopping once to refill my water bottle whereupon a woman informed me that others are also waiting ( in line ) . My humor failing I nodded and reminded her that I had been waiting first . American 's are rude , I felt no shame in my rightful claim , only in that I responded to the erroneous sarcastic commentary from a New Jersey housewife surely accustomed to preferential treatment . I woke this morning surprisingly stable relative to the previous evening 's taxation . A quick cappuccino at Joe 's before heading up the stairs for Rick 's lecture . There was a small but eclectic group there . Didn 't see some I would have expected , and was surprised at others who did make it . Continue reading → It was so hard to get up this morning … We hurried to S . Pietro 's Basilica , and my eye was twitching with tiredness . Our pitch was " crawling dot " a practice in negative capability in scale . Continue reading → Up early to head to the Campidoglio . It was Laurie 's day to present , and she was the first presentation of the class . I feel in love with Hercules , the Statua di Venus Esquiline and a relief with Eros . I pretty much wandered alone , and had a long conversation with Rick which helped me to better understand Kevin 's input that I lack imagery . In light of the previous evening 's events , I chose to dine alone with Hibbert 's Rome , and my research on Raffaello . I ate at the little pizzeria that Kevin had recommended , Baffetto 2 . It was yummy . For some reason the quarter of wine washed through me with more intensity than usual . After dropping my things of at the apartment I ventured over to Piazza Pigna to the " girls " apartment for dessert . It was a nice round table of program participants and they were cycling around the room with introductions and a quip about their names . It was a clever way to remember folks . I was meeting up with Kelsey for drinks at 23 . 00 back at the Campo . I found her smoking with Nicholas , and we then ran into Lauren who had been venturing the city the entire evening . We all went to Nicholas ' place and picked up a bottle of wine to drink at the fountain . The piazza was tiny and we were the only tourists , let alone Americans . I felt like I was in good company . So Laurie and I went to dinner with Tom , Mindy , Lauren at a place just off Piazza Navona . I normally prefer some a little less touristy ( read : better food , and not a rip off ) , but we were all hungry and we wanted to stay close . ( Laurie got bit by something and her leg wasn 't feeling so hot . ) Continue reading → We were up bright and early to head to La Spagna in pursuit of Keats apartment while in Rome . Several of us met at Caffè Greco ( where Keats once went to write ) for cappuccino . A tour of Keats place followed , I should come back to note the highlights at a time when I might better focus . Continue reading → Anyone who knows me knows that I 'm really bad with names , dates and places . I can tell you whether or not I 've seen something beforeâ €¦ I can lead you from here to somewhere else with a great sense of direction . But well , I was excited to go to the Pantheon because I thought it was one place I 've never been before . As we arrived this morning I laughed at myself to realize that not only had I been before , I 'd passed by several times in the past few days while out and about . There was a bird circling the ceiling closing in a little slower and slower on the aperture - God 's eye in on earth from heaven - until finally it tired and perched . I could vividly picture rain pouring through the oculus , but I think this was just my mind 's eye as I can 't recall being in Rome with it ever rainingâ €¦ ? ( Raffaello was buried here : " Here lies Raffaello who , when alive , Nature was afraid to be won by him , when he died , she wanted to die herself . " Distichon written by Pietro Bembo . ) Moving through the harried streets to the Marco Aurelio column offering just a quick gaze . Onwards to St . Maria Popolo . There I was in awe of the Caravaggio 's and captured some very cool photos in black and white while the lights were out . They really show the amazing illumination that comes through in his paintings . Then we step out of the Porta Flaminia Gate and back through as visitors and Romans alike would . I still appreciate the ancient roman gates and wall far more than the Renaissance 'd ones . Next we climb to the Pincio with the first panoramic view of the city that day . Break for siesta . Meeting again at 17 . 00 at the UW Rome Center , we broke then for the west to east portion of the crucifixion . We trooped out of the Campo skirting the Ghetto headed for Trestevre . Ultimate destination to climb the Passeggiata del Gianicolo . Winding narrow harrowing streets and steps which tested the limits of my skirt 's ability ( hiking up my skirt a little moreâ €¦ Roma , show your world to me ? ) . Atop we came to the monumental source of Rome 's water at the Fonte Acqua Paola . It is an amazing concept to think of how we worry about water resources in other areas in the world and Rome has aqueducts that flow so very freely supplying the entire population with refreshing , clean , cool water . We officially ended our walk on Gianicolo 's Hill with a class photo . Courtney , Lauren , Laurie and I wandered off then in the Villa Borghese . I still need to find that magical spot with the monument in the middle of the pond . So it turns out that we do indeed have wi - fi access from our apartment . I discovered it during siesta . Apparently someone turns it on during siesta and off again after . Oddest thing , but I 'm not complaining ! It is also strange because it sometimes allows me to access chat , but only some websites and not others . This evening we met for conversation and a stroll into the heart of the city . It was the first moment that we met together forming an identity and a bond as writers and cohorts . Paraphrasing Kevin eloquence , we tossed a few poems off the Tarpeian Rock , to let our forebears know that some poets and writers had arrived . Last night I led the new found troupe to Mamma Angela 's where I had eaten last time . It was really far walk , and we were like the little Annie orphans trekking down fifth avenue ( remember that scene ? ) but we finally made it . Somewhat disappointing because there were more American voices than ever , and the food wasn 't nearly as good but whatever . Left about 23 . 00 and started walking home , but veered off course and that 's when Laurie stepped up to help navigate . Other notes , our apartment is tiny but right at the Campo . Can 't say on the Campo because another group has one actually on the Campo ( that 's gotta be noisy at night ! ) the Campo de ' Fiori is THE spot to be . Oh and the main point - tiny apartment BUT AIR CONDITIONING ! ! ! I am happy . Gladly trade the free wi - fi ( the ones above Joe 's can pick up the signal from their apartment ) for the air . Joe 's is so close anyway . Speaking of Joe 's I 'm special . Of course you knew that already , but it 's nice that they noticed . I think I 'm the only student that they 've decided to give a special 20 % off card too . Every purchase - Love it ! OK , I feel bad being in the computer lab with others waiting when I have a laptop . Going to go find a SIM card today . No assignment today ( first official actual day , yesterday was ' get lost alone , and find yourself ' ) just to meet again at 17 . 00 . I got in safe and easy yesterday . Luggage took forever to come off the plane , but I had a lovely American woman monitoring it 's progress ( read : complaining ) the entire time so really it was just fine . I always love it when there is a guy waiting to pick YOU up . Located the guy with the sign with my name with no problem , then was off . Once again forgot how close Rome is to the beach . It 's just a 25 minute Metro ride . Got to the hotel , Albergo della Lunetta on the Piazza del Paradiso , a lovely little place filled with American students and a few other tourists . I showered ( hadn 't since the previous day , before staying up all night then riding planes for another day ! ) , then knocked out on my bed . It 's six am now , so I did okay on getting onto time zone . Went to bed last night at about midnight . After having lunch in the cafà © Magnolia in the Campo , I end up back in the room . And just waited for Courtney to arrive . I didn 't have to wait long ( I had already napped away most of the afternoon ) and after getting her things situated in the room we went out . It was back to the Campo to check out Joe 's for gelato . We lingered for the rest of the evening , until about nine . Had waters , then I had a gin & tonic . They brought us a lovely antipasto plate . We strolled off to see the sites as it was Courtney 's first time here in Rome . My sense of direction is just amazing . I walked us directly to the Trevi fountain , and from there to the Spanish Steps . We arrived just in time for the Carabinieri to chase us away ( 11pm is curfew for the stairs ) . Grabbed another gelato on the walk home , and crashed in the room . I grabbed prosciutto , mozzarella and bread from a cafà © on the corner to tied me over in lieu of the dinner we never had . The mozzarella was , of course , to die for . " JOIN a band of ink - stained writer - adventurers for a month of concentrated exercise and conversation in and about the Eternal City . This is Rome from a generalist 's perspective : history and geography , art and architecture , language and literature , the color and vagary and flavor of daily life all constellate in the writer 's notebook . Following in the footsteps of those poets , painters , saints and soldiers who for some two and a half millennia have traveled where all roads lead , we 'll sack the city word by cobble , in conversation , practice , and stride . " Of note , Rick , or Professore Kenny is a recipient of the MacArthur Fellowship " Genius Award " . Music , TravelBy the Arno . Oscar Wilde , 1881 . June 5 , 2007Angela Marié Niblick Baxley GlassAcademic , Cohort , Italy , Music , Lyrics & Poetry , Poetry , Rome , Travel With more than 50 % of married women working outside of the home the ongoing discussion of balancing work and family continues to rage on . The need for work - life balance has turned to consider fathers as well as we recognize the value of a father 's active participation in a child 's upbringing . In this paper we 'll consider the challenges are for families in managing work and family , how those challenges differ for women and men and what solutions are available for managing work and family . Lastly , we 'll look to real life examples to illustrate these difficulties families face in managing work and family and the potential solutions . Continue reading → The hardest thing I 've had to grapple with lately is cursing . At work there is this guy Henry that sits right across the hall from me . Henry sighs , moans , and groans hyper - dramatically , and he 's so bad at spouting off exclamatory curses . You 'd honestly believe that he has Turret 's Syndrome or something ! It has been rubbing off on me - When I go to expression frustration his words come to my mind , and sometimes to my lips . I 've been working on paying off debt for so long that it 's been forever since I 've done anything , or bought anything , for myself . My wardrobe meanwhile has fallen in shambles , and I haven 't been pampered in so long ! Well no more . Saturday and Sunday , I went shopping and ( picky me ! ) I only came home with only two shirts , a pair of jeans , and a couple necklaces . But I love the few things I got ! Last night I went to a traditional Balinese spa , Salon Dewi to get my brows done . ( Dinner at Machiavelli 's , followed by dessert at Dilatante 's , with a friend made the evening simply divine ! ) I also made an appointment on Sunday for a full facial & massage . ( I 'm tired of my skin wigging out from the new enviroment , or whatever . ) Lastly , I need to give Ellie a call and see when she can do my hair again . Taking care of yourself is underrated . On another note I 've really got to get my schedule together . In all honesty , I could be doing so much better in Spanish class . And I could probably be a whole lot more relaxed . In reality though , I do something every night of the week . Sunday 's aren 't even mine anymore . ( Yeah , I missed Alias , again ! ) Monday is usually dinner with a friend , Tuesday bookstudy , Wednesday dinner with friends , or hanging out w / the Redmond crowd . Thursday meeting and ususally something after ( Salsa , Peso 's , Paragon , dinner , etc . ) and Friday starts the weekend ( and I 'd love to start going to the Spanish bookstudy ) . Instead I need to be staying home most nights , Monday through Thursday : Go home , do spanish homework , study my ( meeting ) lesson , pick up dinner , shower and relax . I am so much looking forward to a two week break from class , and plan on trying to get on a good schedule of going to bed at 10pm each night . On other stuff … I talked to Jared on the way home from Carl & Candace 's the other night . That was cool . I think it 's so awesome to have two people that I share such common goals with . We ended up chatting for nearly an hour about everything from accelarated learning classes the society has for foriegn language ( one brother knows 62 languages ! ) to goals and motivation factors , etc . Very cool conversation . As far as B . Didhe ( names changed to protect the innocent ) goes , I forgot all about the poem he gave me , and put on my refrigerator . He called last night , to apologize yet again . Maybe I 'm kinda of a wimp , but I honestly think I 'm going to just lay low and hope everything just resolves itself . Finally , both Kim and Jared mentioned snowboarding tomorrow . I told Jared how it is that I never know whether or not people are inviting you , or just chatting around here . He said just to kind of go with it . Any other time I 'd probably go ( yeah , I know , not the most responsible thing to do ) but , I 'm pretty sure Ash is going and he could use some space to just relax with his friends . Besides I might go Saturday .
|
Our family welcomed Stokes baby # 4 , Stella Kate , on November 16 ! She weighed in at 7 lbs 3 oz , and is absolutely perfect . Her brothers and sister are adorable with her , and Katie is back up and about like nothing happened . It is so fun having a baby in the family again . We all love her so much ! Congratulations Katie and Nate . The Christmas season is officially here , kicked off with a killer snowstorm and our annual family Christmas tree hunt . This year proved especially challenging with over 2 feet of snow to wade through , and all the trees covered so you had to shake them off to see what they looked like . Katie and Stella stayed in the warm car , and Elise and Joe had other obligations , but the rest of us had a ton of fun and got a great workout tromping through the forest . I am . . . T . I guess that 's a lot of things . I think . . . too many things . I have an opinion about everything . I 'm working on not being so outspoken . I want . . . to be stable . secure . to not have to worry . I have . . . a great family . I don 't know what I 'd do without them . I wish . . . I were 5 ' 8 " . I hate . . . that there is only one word in our language for LOVE . I use the same word to say I love diet coke as I do to say I love my family . That 's not ok . I miss . . . the college days . What did I think was so stressful ? I fear . . . cats . I know its not rational . I feel . . . a little cold . a little nervous for a new job . excited to go finish a quilt . I hear . . . Ben Folds . and that someone has sent me a message . I smell . . . nothing right now . I 'd like to get rid of this cold . I search . . . for obscure things I obsess over at the time . My sister calls this questing . I wonder . . . how deep should I go with this ? I wonder why I still haven 't found him . I wonder why the road that found success for some doesn 't for others . I wonder who I 'll be one day . I regret . . . going on certain blind dates . I love . . . so many things . My family . China . A cold diet coke . Rocky Road ice cream . Fall . I care . . . about looking good . Blame it on the day job . I always . . . sleep too late . I hit snooze a million times and then run around frantically trying to leave the house on time . I am not . . . one to be lied to by mechanics . One of my biggest pet peeves , and I weirdly pride myself on not letting them take advantage of me . I believe . . . The unplanned life is no less a life . I heard that last night . I believe I 'm here for a reason . One day I 'll understand why . I dance . . . all the time . Last night I was dancing at the atm . I had Sam ( who was in the car ) convinced there was music playing out of it . I sing . . . all the time . I wish could I remember song lyrics better . Sam is the first guy I 've dated who sings more than me . I love it . I don 't . . . like loud music . If affects my mood too much . I write . . . rarely . I should be better . I win . . . Ticket to Ride when I play with Sam . I lose . . . to Sam at Uno . EveryPosted by For the past few months , I 've been going to the Golden Living Center and working in the Beauty Shop there . At first I was apprehensive as to how well I would do there and whether or not I would enjoy it , but I quickly fell head over heels in love with the charming residents there . They are all such characters and have such a wealth of wisdom and life experiences to share . A . MILLIE : Millie is such an imp . She had a little run - in with a case of head lice , and decided she had earned the right to shave her head . I was worried she had been coerced into doing it against her wishes , but she said " I 've been doing my hair for 90 years . This is the easiest style I 've ever had ! " I 've shaved it for her twice since and she plans to keep it that way . Every time she sees me she says " I love you . You know that ? " Yes Millie , I do . B . FAYE : Faye is such an example to me of finding the good in life . She is almost blind , and a few months back she had cancer removed from the tip of her nose . They replaced the skin on her nose with a piece from her scalp , so every morning she gets to shave the tip of her nose since it grows hair . : ) She listens to audio books since she can 't see , and her daughter comes to see her almost every day ( another great example to me . ) Faye parks her wheelchair across the hallway from her room to force herself to use her walker to get from her bed to her wheelchair - - she is bound and determined to stay somewhat mobile . C . DOROTHY : Dorothy moved in about the same time I started , and she is a little spit fire . She has been telling me a huge saga about how she is engaged to a man who 's wife has a fatal illness , and they are waiting for the wife to die . Come to find out , the man is an employee at the Center , his wife is not dying , and my cute Dorothy is suffering from a little dementia . It breaks my heart every time I hear her talk about it . D : LAPREAL : LaPreal is my little giggle and gossip buddy . She has very advanced Alzheimer 's , and we have the same conversations every week . But I can tell you this : She loves hePosted by For my birthday , Sam picked up a haunted house gingerbread kit . We didn 't have time to make it that night , and finally found a free night to put it together last night . We made quite the mess but had tons of fun . Thanks Sammy ! Sam and I headed up to Logan on Saturday for the Homecoming game against Hawaii . We were all excited and geared up to go , got to the stadium on time , and found decent seats . About 2 minutes into the game it started sprinkling , and by halfway thru the 2nd quarter I was making a mad dash for the car soaking wet . Turns out the Aggies didn 't like the rain so well either . . . http : / / news . hjnews . com / sports / article _ 63d3d8a4 - df35 - 11df - a2c6 - 001cc4c002e0 . html ? mode = story . . . so lots of people are wondering why I am suddenly going private . I have no kids to protect , no home to worry about , no known stalkers . So why would I hide myself from the world ? BECAUSE I GOT A NEW JOB ! ! ! OK so I got a job offer . Which is contingent upon me passing a VERY intense background check . The recruiter I have been working with suggested making all my online profiles private so any googling of my name won 't pull up crazy photos , stories , anecdotes , confessions , etc . I am SO excited . I am going to be a financial analyst with a fairly large investment firm - - so a huge career change for me . I 've been thinking of making a move like this for a long time , but a ) I have been scared to leave the comfortable and known world of doing hair b ) I love my clients and most of my co - workers , so why would I leave them and c ) the job market has been less than desirable . I finally worked up the nerve to start putting out resumes , and got form letter after form letter saying thanks , but no thanks . I finally got an interview with this company , and a nerve rattling 8 days later I got the offer . I 'm not naming the company on here because apparently there is tracking software that companies use to see where their names are popping up online . One of my friends blogged about her company and was called in to HR the next day . Who knew . But I 'll give you a hint . Sam calls it G . Sax . : ) Just don 't give me away by guessing or mentioning the name on my comment form . : ) I 'm so nervous , anxious , and exhausted after just the interviewing , drug test , and background check of this process . But I 'm also excited and enthusiastic to take this plunge to furthering my knowledge in the financial world and use the degree I worked so hard for . YAY ! ! ! So I really don 't think that many people follow my blog , but for at least the next little bit I 'm going private . And I 'm not giving you much of a chance to get me your info , but I think most of you can reach me thru facebook or the real world ( I know , who talks in the real world these days ? ! ? ) and I 'll add you . This might just be a temporary thing too . . . we 'll see . A couple days ago , a lady at the retirement home where I work was complaining about the weather , and her husband said " It 's Utah . Don 't bother complaining , it 'll be different in 10 minutes ! " On the drive home from Logan last week I watched the most beautiful weather and scenery , and thought " This is why I love fall ! " Posted by Saturday night after the Priesthood session , the girls set out on a quests to make cake pops . Mom was tired from babysitting all week so she went to bed , and Katie was sitting on a beach in Hawaii , so we missed both of them . But we managed to make a huge mess , have a ton of laughs , a few screams , and an overall great time . Not to mention the delicious cake pops the next day . : ) My Grandpa Fackrell has the greenest thumb I 've ever encountered , and my whole life he has grown the HUGEST garden . Add that talent to his incredible generosity , and our family has always had a supply of fresh produce . Yesterday my sisters and I went to his house for some grownup Trick - or - Treating and I came home with a huge bag of the most beautiful vegetables . He was so sweet to cut us a cabbage , pull us beets , pick corn , and divvy it all up into our little sacks . I cooked up some cabbage , green beans , corn , and sliced up a huge tomato for dinner and it was SO good ! Happy Harvest ! I have taken WAY too long to get this up here , but in July my family had our annual vacation at Flaming Gorge . We loaded up the boat with camping gear , ski and wakeboard gear , and TONS of food . By Wednesday night we had the whole clan there ( minus Elise , who just didn 't quite get home in time ) and had the rest of the weekend to play . The only disappointment was the weather - - IT WAS FREEZING ! ! ! Miles and I spent a fair amount of time huddled in what he dubbed " our spot " out of the wind with a blanket on our laps , and everyone would jump in for a quick run and then spend the rest of the day getting warm again . Some of the highlights included Jumbo S ' mores , Dinners with Jim and Patti 's family and Grandma and Grandpa , Playing games , Reading , Throwing sticks to the dogs , Eating , and just being together . Katie 's kids were such good sports - - Lola was the first one to jump in one morning ! I think by the look on her face she immediately regretted that decision , but they had fun and were great campers ! Yesterday the WOODROSE # 1 gang headed to Lagoon for some fun in the sun . Oh boy did we live it up ! Some of the highlights : Our first ever time on WICKED - - which of course had to be repeated Icees , Churros , Pretzels , and Mikeshakes Terror Ride ( . . . for us girls . . . ) Standing in line for an HOUR for Samurai The Bathroom ( . . . for Sean . . . he he . . . just kidding Sean ) RUNNING like 13 year - olds to the Rocket when they re - opened it Music Express ( . . . for Mel and I . . . ) Waiting in line for Rattlesnake Rapids only to decide we were too wimpy to get wet in the coldThe Screamer ( . . . for Chad . . . ) The guy climbing over a fence to retrieve a quarter The Spider ( . . . for Amie . . . oh wait , maybe her screaming " I DON ' T LIKE THIS ! ! ! means it wasn 't a highlight . . . ) By 7 p . m . we were all tuckered out and headed to Texas Roadhouse for some delicious dinner and line dancing . These girls are some of my very best friends and their husbands are better than we could have asked for . It was such a fun day to catch up , reminisce , and plan for the future . I 'm so glad we 've stayed so close in the 6 years since I first became a roommate ! ! ! I 've been feeling like being crafty lately . Luckily , August birthdays were coming up . So I got to make aprons for Katie and Chel . I had the hardest time picking out the fabric . You know that warm bubbly feeling you get in a shoe store ? Fabric stores are like that too . I wrapped them up with a cake mix . . . Then it was time for the watermelon cake I saw on a cover of a magazine . 4 tubs of frosting later . . . Yummmm ! This piece didn 't make it to its full potential . . . . . . on second thought , maybe it did . . . I had tons of fun and learned a few new tricks . Now if i can just find time to clean up the mess ! Last weekend I went with a bunch of friends to Bear Lake . We had so much fun staying in the USU cabin , playing games , eating tons of food , watching the stars , sitting around the bonfire , and just laughing . There was a big group , about 20 people there , with Jeff and Dennis 's boats . Monday morning we headed out onto the lake , and although it was cold ( 56 degrees in the water , 59 in the air ) we had tons of fun . I braved the first ski run of the morning and it was great . About 10 the sun came out and we were loving it . Around noon we set out for one last run before heading home . That 's when trouble hit . I have never seen a storm come up so fast , and I 've never seen waves that big anywhere but the ocean . 5 of us were in Dennis ' boat , and it was the first time he had taken it out . By the time we reached the beach the waves were about 3 feet high and were coming over the bow of the boat . Jeff and Scott headed to the marina in Jeff 's boat about 5 minutes before we did , and in that 5 minutes the waves about doubled in size and we knew we couldn 't make it in Dennis ' boat . We tied the boat to a little dock at Sweetwater where they rent their boats , and as the waves came into the bow I bailed water as fast as I could . I would literally just get it emptied when another wave would fill it . Scott was bringing the trailer to this side of the lake , so I was hoping to keep the water out until he got there . Dennis had gone up to talk to the guys at Sweetwater , but they wouldn 't help us because of liability issues . It was such a frustrating feeling . The waves were getting bigger and bigger , and they were watching the boat fill with water , unable to help . I was soaking wet and freezing cold , but its amazing what adrenaline will do to you and I honestly didn 't even notice it . Craig was trying to hold the boat from being smashed against the docks , and as I was bailing he suddenly yelled " T ! Watch out ! " I stood up in time for a wave about 8 feet high to wash over me , slamming me into the windshield , and filling the entire bow . And with tPosted by Last week was my dad 's 55th birthday . We went to Texas Roadhouse where they were great enough to force him onto a saddle and hollar and cheer for him , and he was a good enough sport to go along with it . My dad is fabulous - - here are some of the great things about him * * * he can fix anything . cars , computers , boats , frozen pipes , anything , he knows how to get inside whatever is broken and take care of it . * * * he builds things . like furniture out of wood , or little things out of clay , or even hard core sand castles and people in the sand . He is the most analytical / creative blend i 've ever seen . * * * he knows stuff . lots of stuff . like how they make potato chips , or where rubies come from , and how to pour cement . he 's just smart like that . * * * i 've never seen an animal he couldn 't train , be it dogs , horses , llamas , and even his fish . * * * he 's a big softie when it comes to his grandkids . one time he disappeared right around bedtime , and came up over an hour later . he had been reading to jackson the whole time . * * * he 's the best go - to guy when you need something . he is calm and rational and thinks everything through , so pretty much the opposite of me . if he is 90 miles away or across an ocean , he 'll listen to your problem and then send you on your way with a list of steps to take to solve it . * * * he is strong in the church and great in our family . i couldn 't ask for a better dad - - I LOVE YOU ! ! ! Well folks , it finally happened . I am a proud resident of SALT LAKE CITY . I moved in to my apartment about a month ago , and the time has gone sooooooo fast . Today as I unpacked and organized more boxes in my bedroom , I started thinking about all the events and decisions leading up to this point in my life , and how different from how I imagined it would be when I was in high school . I fingered through old photographs , journals , books , knick knacks , some from this country , others from far away , and sat on my bedroom floor re - living days gone by . Its been long enough for some things that I wondered why I 've been hauling them around from place to place and felt ok throwing them away , but others got carefully re - packed and saved for another trip down memory lane . I realized these are the things that make up a life . Its been interesting meeting new people , telling them I recently moved from Logan , that I 'm a hairstylist , that I 'm from Utah . That introduction is so clean , precise , defined . But as I sort through boxes of recipes I want to attempt , destinations I still want to go to , craft projects waiting to be started or finished , books half read , friends long lost contact with , its messy , complicated , and chaotic . But this is me . And somehow I 've managed to squeeze it into a semi - organized 12x14 ' bedroom . But more importantly I 'm happy with who I am , where I am , and where I 've been . Different ? Yes . Unexpected ? Definitely . Worth it ? Absolutely . Last weekend my siblings and I all headed down for sunny Moab . Except someone forgot to mention that to the sun , which was seriously MIA for the majority of the time . We had so much fun hanging out at the condo , watching March Madness , eating good food , hiking ( ok it was more like a very short walk ) , and running the race on Saturday . Next time my parents will have to join us in the fun . Saturday morning came way too quickly , when me , Katie , Chel and Marcus had to head up the canyon for the half marathon . It was 26 degrees at the mouth of the canyon , and once we were up there we stood shivering in the shade for over an hour ! It finally started and we were off , weaving in and out of 4 , 000 other crazies who do this for fun . Thanks to my running buddies who kept me from changing races and insisting I could do this , regardless of bad knees and not near enough preparation . 12 miles in I thought I might die , but one mile later I was across that finish line and so glad it was behind me ! Posted by Today is Valentine 's Day . Day of Love . Frankly I 've never celebrated Valentine 's day with someone I loved . Or liked . But maybe this year could be different . And since at work yesterday someone sent me these : I figured I better do something nice in return . So I did this : The rolls are rising and the pot roast is sizzling away . Yum . But then the phone rang . . . and someone is sick . . . so I 'm packing up this meal and headed out of town . A romantic meals on wheels . We 'll see how it goes . It was a success . : ) HAPPY VALENTINE ' S DAY ! ! ! Let 's be honest : I don 't care about the Superbowl . Or football in general for that matter . But Superbowl Sunday brings its share of parties , and since I 'm always up for trying fun new party treats . . . Posted by
|
Dragonfish - This was a random audio pick from my library . It should have been one that I passed over . It was boring and confusing . The characters were unlikable and I really didn 't care to listen beyond the first disc . . Welcome to Night Vale - This was another random audio pick . I knew nothing going into the book before I started it . I lasted about half of a disc . Apparently , it is based on a podcast series that they tried to expand into a book . I have never listened to the series . Maybe if I did , this book would make more sense ? Probably not . Often things like that don 't translate well into book form . It was just too weird . Lyla is caught between two worlds . The isolated Community that she grew up in and the outside world that she 's navigating for the very first time . The outsiders call the Community a cult , but Pioneer miraculously survived a shooting that should have killed him . Are the faithful members right to stay true to his message ? Is this just a test of faith ? One thing is for sure : the Community will do anything to bring Lyla back to the fold . Trapped in a spider 's web of deception , will Lyla detect the sticky threads tightening around her before it 's too late ? She 'll have to unravel the mystery of what Pioneer and the Community are truly up to if she wants to survive . I 've had this sequel in my TBR pile for a while . I 'm sorry that it took me so long to finish out this duology because Astray was really good . I was a little concerned that I might not be able to enjoy the book because it had been too long since reading Gated . But , the author did a great job of reminding the reader what happened in Gated , so it didn 't take long to reacquaint myself with everything . I did enjoy Astray . I felt like this one was a lot creepier than the first one . Lyla is out of the cult , but she is definitely struggling , The other members aren 't making it easy for her to stay out . The thing I really liked about this story is that it didn 't portray things as all hearts and roses for Lyla . Sure , she is out , but she still has a lot of inner turmoil about what she believes and if she made the right decision . Her struggle to fit in came across as realistic and believable . I don 't think this one would stand up well as a stand alone . If you haven 't read this series , I highly recommend starting with Gated . Posted by The Harder You Fall - I have enjoyed this series immensely , but this one wasn 't my favorite . While I did like the romance between West and Jessie Kay , I felt like the angst went on a little too long . Also , the psycho girlfriend thing was a little over the top . Jessie Kay was a great character , though . I love her transformation from party girl to " mature " woman . I felt like it came across as sincere . This was a decent addition to the series and I look forward to the next one ! Second Chance Summer - I thought this was one of the funniest romances that I have read in a long time . I just loved the characters . The siblings camaraderie was so amusing and spot on ! I just loved the underwear bet . Aiden and Lily were perfect together ! It 's definitely worth a read . My Kind of Wonderful - While not as funny as Second Chance Summer , I still thought this one was amusing . The thing I loved most about this one was that Hud fell in love with Bailey even though she didn 't have a full head of hair . When they meet , she is still recovering from chemo and her had is covered with a cap most of the time . It was just refreshing to have a guy fall for a girl not totally because of her looks , but for her spirit and personality . I can 't wait to read the next book ! Christmas in Mustang Creek : This was cute holiday story to round out the Brides of Bliss County series . While I did like the couple , Charlotte and Jackson , the story was a little underwhelming . Jaxon was very sweet in his pursuit of Charlie , but I think the story was longer than it needed to be and at times repetitive . The " Klozz " effect was a cute idea , but got a little corny after a while . I guess it was supposed to have you believe in the magic of the season . Anyway , I do recommend this series as a whole . I really enjoyed it . Having lived through her parents ' endless string of " matrimonial bliss gone wrong , " Cassidy Starr knows when the odds are not in her favor . Divorced and humiliated , her faith on rocky ground , Cassidy is through with love . She 's been bucked off that horse far too many times . Instead , she returns to Wishing Springs , Texas , and the rundown farm she 's inherited from her great aunt Roxie . She 'll reopen the strawberry farm and a bed & breakfast and follow in her aunt 's footsteps , remaining forever - independent , happy . . . and single . Rancher Jarrod Monahan 's hands are full running the ranch , looking after his ailing grandfather , and chasing down a group of rustlers on the loose . He 's pushed his longing for a family to the bottom of his list of priorities . Besides , he was in love once but ran scared and lost his shot at happiness . But suddenly , the biggest regret of his life has moved in next door with a wounded heart , determined to become a spinster . . . and that 's a challenge that Jarrod can 't pass up . Jarrod sets his mind to breaking down the walls around Cassidy 's stubborn heart . How can he show her that a cowboy 's kiss lasts forever ? For the good folks of Wishing Springs , falling in love has never been so much fun to witness . Kissed By a Cowboy is the third book featuring the Monahan brothers . I have really enjoyed this series and in a way , I 'm sad that the last brother has gotten his HEA . Jarrod is the eldest of the three brothers . He is also the serious one . When he realizes he has a second chance at love with Cassidy , he decides to go for it . Unfortunately , Cassidy has other plans . Coming of a horrible divorce , she doesn 't want to ever get married again . While not my favorite of the three books , I did enjoy Jarrod and Cassidy together . I loved how Jarrod never gave up in trying to win back Cassidy 's heart . I was really rooting for them the whole way . For me , it just took Cassidy a little too long to get with the program . In addition to their story , we are treated to the conclusion to a story arc over the series between Pebble and Rand . Their love story was so super sweet and I was so happy with that couple 's ending . Along with appearances from previous characters , there is a bit of adventure added into the story . I 'm not sure what is next for this author , but I hope she will visit with Wishing Springs Texas again in the future ! Debra Clopton is a multi - award winning novelist and has written more than 22 novels . Along with writing , Debra helps her husband teach the youth at their local Cowboy Church . Debra 's goal is to shine a light toward God while she entertains readers with her words . What the Waves Know is a beautifully written coming of age story that deals with how our memories shape our lives . I ended up devouring this book ! I read it in one sitting because I couldn 't put it down . Izabella is fourteen when her mother brings her back to Tillings Island to try to help her find her voice . When she was six , her father disappeared from her life and took her voice with him . She has no memory of what happened the night she told him to go away . But , as she spends time on the island , the memories begin to break free . This story really makes you think about memories and how they often differ from reality . Also how the loss of bad memories can also make us forget the good ones as well . That is what Iz finds on the island . Not only what happened to her father , but she also begins to realize that she had lost good memories of her mother as well . I don 't want to give away too much of the story . I know this book will be making my top 10 at the end of the year . I hope you will be rooting for not only fourteen year old Iz but her six year old self just like I was while reading it . I just think you should go read it . . . like now . It 's a great debut and I look forward to more from this author ! Expecting a baby was supposed to be the most incredible thing in her life , but for Pru Kenyon , it was bittersweet . Her relationship with live - in love Case McCord was both exciting and deeply satisfying . But Pru knew Case wasn 't willing to take it to the next level of commitment . Pru wasn 't about to force Case 's hand by revealing her secret . She didn 't want him to propose to her out of duty - - she wanted him to want her for herself . So she did the only thing she could . . . . She walked away from the love of her life . She knew she could have this baby on her own , that she could love her child enough for two . But she hadn 't bargained on what Case was willing to do for love . I should have known I wouldn 't like this book from the synopsis . But I am willing to give any book a shot . In the end , I couldn 't finish the book . Pru and Case are living together when she finds herself pregnant . Instead of telling him , she decides to leave because she knows he has no interest in marriage . He goes after her , but he doesn 't let on that he found out about the baby . She takes him back and marries him . Once he revealed that he knew about the baby all along , she is not convinced he married her for her and not the baby . I had to stop after that point . I tried to keep reminding myself that this book was written in 1987 , but I felt like it was so preachy and just plain dumb . Neither one of them seemed thrilled to be married . Not once did they ever talk about love . If I had to read one more time about the evils of living together and sex before marriage , I was going to throw my MP3 player across the room . This book also confirmed that I hate the word " manhood " . I say skip this one . She has written much better ! Blog Tour : Guest post and Excerpt of How to Handle a Scandal by Emily Greenwood We are really excited to have a guest post from Author Emily Greenwood today . She shares with us her favorite scene in her latest book , How to Handle a Scandal . Enjoy it after my thoughts on the book . Author : Emily GreenwoodPublisher : Sourcebooks CasablancaISBN : 9781492613688Release Date : February 2016THEY THOUGHT THE DEBUTANTE WAS SCANDALOUSMiss Elizabeth Tarryton was the toast of the London Season the year she was seventeen and spurned young Tommy Halifax . A careless flirt who didn 't know what she wanted , she was startled into laughter by his public proposal of marriage . Furious and heartbroken , Tommy promptly left home for a life of adventure in India . IF THEY ONLY KNEW ABOUT THE WIDOWSeven years later , Elizabeth has much to make up for , but the methods she chooses for doing good are as shocking as her earlier wanton behavior - - should the ton ever find out . Tommy returns to England a hero , with no intention of allowing himself to be hurt by a woman ever again , but he 's fascinated nonetheless by Elizabeth , now widowed and more alluring than ever . My thoughts : How to Handle a Scandal is the second book in the Scandalous Sisters series . I thought it did well as a stand alone as it takes place several years after the events of the first book . I never felt like I was missing anything . I will be honest , I have kind of mixed feeling about the book . On one hand , I really liked Eliza . I thought her heart was in the right place most of the time . She just needed to learn how to balance the serious and the fun times . The secondary characters added a lot of color to the story . What I didn 't like was Tommy . He really rubbed me the wrong way through most of the book and I had a hard time wondering why Eliza would fall for him . He did redeem himself in the end , so at least it ended on a good note for me . I hope that the author writes Meg 's story , I look forward to reading it . What I like about this excerpt is that there are things happening on a number of levels . Eliza Tarryton Truehart , a respectable widow , is masquerading as a high - class prostitute in order to gain some information at a brothel . But with the threat of discovery imminent , she has hidden herself in one of the unused rooms . It isn 't empty for long , because Sir Tommy Halifax , with whom she has a difficult history , enters . Because Eliza is wearing a mask , he doesn 't recognize her . She tells him her name is Victoria , and that this is her first night working as a prostitute . Tommy , who doesn 't like Eliza at this point in the story , has no idea that he 's flirting with her . Though she was a scandalous young woman when he knew her six years before , she 's changed , and now she strives to be virtuous . This night at the brothel is sort of a one - time return to the kinds of outrageous things she used to do , but she has an unselfish reason for being there . Though the scene is playful , it 's poignant too , because they used to be good friends , and Eliza yearns to know Tommy as the man he has become . " Would you like to practice your boldness a little before you become a professional ? I propose a kiss . As one who has something of a history of kissing , I believe I might offer you an estimation as to how well you will fare . " She ought to resist . She knew there were costs to indulging herself , and she made better choices now . But tonight she 'd begun to see that maybe there were experiences she 'd missed . She stared down at the wicked tilt teasing the edge of his mouth and knew that whatever he was proposing was a terrible idea . He 'd said a kiss , but who knew if he meant to stop there ? And even if he did mean just a kiss , was she insane , to be tempted to kiss him when she was probably the last woman in the world whose lips he 'd want to touch with his own ? She 'd read hatred in his eyes that night years ago , and though he 'd said he accepted her apology , she wouldn 't be surprised if some of that feeling still lingered , hidden by a polite veneer . One black eyebrow rose in a pirate 's misbehaving slant , and the white of his teeth flashed as he grinned . " If there 's one thing that I 've never been said to be lacking , it 's nerve . " With a tug on her arm , he pulled her sideways onto his lap . She nodded slowly . It was true - she did feel shy and a little overwhelmed by him , but the feeling was exciting . And also surprising ; she was hardly virginal - she 'd kissed more than a few men , though none since Gerard had died , and she 'd experienced the ultimate joining many times with her husband . But in each of those encounters , she 'd been certain of her own power , of the upper hand she 'd always held as the one pursued , the one allowing the attentions of an admirer . For the first time ever , that wasn 't how she felt . She knew Tommy no longer admired her . He might find Victoria attractive , but Eliza Truehart 's beauty was nothing to him , and he certainly didn 't admire her as a person . She felt shy and off - kilter , a new sensation for her . Lani has lived in Hana , Hawaii for five years . She 's learned to surf , fish , dive , and manage her grandmother 's bed and breakfast . She 's also learned to take one day at a time the way it should be taken - relaxed and unrushed , savoring every moment . Not Always Happenstance is the second book in the Power of the Matchmaker series . It 's a 12 month / book collaboration from 12 authors all revolving around Pearl . She is an elderly Asian woman who seems to have a knack for matchmaking . After having read this second book , I can honestly say that they can be read as stand alone books , so picking up any in the series would be fine without feeling lost . If you are in the mood for a super cute and clean romance , this book definitely fits the bill . While the first book , Broken Things to Mend , was heart wrenching , this one was a lot lighter . It 's about two people who are perfect for each other . The problem is that one of them needs to learn how to settle a little and the other needs to learn how to fly . I really enjoyed Lani and Easton 's fall into love . I loved that they developed a friendship while learning to love each other . The best part is that they do it while exploring Maui . I 've never been , but after reading this I am dying to visit and see the beautiful sights . I definitely recommend this book and series . Stay tuned as I 'll be reviewing the third book , If We Were a Movie next month ! A USA Today bestselling author , Rachael Anderson is the mother of four and is pretty good at breaking up fights , or at least sending guilty parties to their rooms . She can 't sing , doesn 't dance , and despises tragedies . But she recently figured out how yeast works and can now make homemade bread , which she is really good at eating . Open only to those who can legally enter , receive and use an Amazon . com Gift Code or Paypal Cash . Winning Entry will be verified prior to prize being awarded . No purchase necessary . You must be 18 or older to enter or have your parent enter for you . The winner will be chosen by rafflecopter and announced here as well as emailed and will have 48 hours to respond or a new winner will be chosen . This giveaway is in no way associated with Facebook , Twitter , Rafflecopter or any other entity unless otherwise specified . The number of eligible entries received determines the odds of winning . Giveaway was organized by Kathy from I Am A Reader and sponsored by the author . VOID WHERE PROHIBITED BY LAW . It will take a really amazing book to knock this one out of my Favorite of the Year spot . This book was AWESOME ! It was a very well written book about " cave people " and their attempts at daily life and how the first wolf was domesticated . There are multiple story lines going on in this book and they eventually come together . One is about The Man and The Wolf . He comes across a bad injured mother wolf who has just given birth to her litter . He has just been banished by his tribe . Together they form an alliance to survive , he shares her cave and he takes care of her and her pups . The other two story lines are about the lives of two different tribes and how life is different for each one . I definitely recommend this book . I 'm a cat person and I seriously loved this story . Fans of historical fiction will love this I 'm sure . Although , I 'm sure this book will have wide appeal , there was so much to love about this book . Posted by Rescuing Rayne is the first book in a new series and the first one I have read by this author . Keane , aka Ghost , is on his way home from a secret mission when he meets Rayne in an airport . After their flight is canceled , they decide to see the sights of London together . Their one night stand leaves a lasting impression on both of them and six months later , both of them still can 't forget the other one . I have mixed feelings about this story . I loved the first part of the book . The first half is pretty much their day in London and them getting to know each other . I liked their chemistry a lot . I was looking forward to the later meeting between them . I was really rooting for them to get their HEA . What I was unprepared for was the middle part when Rayne is taken hostage . I 'm not usually one for saying a book needs a trigger warning , but I really feel like this one does . The captors go into great detail about what is going to be done to Rayne and I was kind of surprised at that part . I really felt like the amount of detail was unnecessary and kind of turned me off on the story at that point . This new series seems to be an offshoot of the author ; s " Seal of Protection " series . I 'm going to have to go back and check that one out . The next book in this series comes out later this summer . I look forward to checking it out . I was so happy when I got my hands on a copy of Break My Fall . I loved the first book in this series , Before I Fall . I can say the same thing about this second New Adult book . One of the hardest things that I find when an author keeps writing great books is that I run out of creative ways to say I loved it . I guess there could be worse problems , right ? It definitely can be read as a stand alone , so if you missed the first book , you will be not be lost . Break my Fall is Josh and Abby 's story . Josh is in his second semester of college and trying to deal with the violence and rage that war left him with . Abby has her own scars from a violent past . I loved them together because they brought an inner peace to each other . I also liked that they kept fighting for each other because they knew something special was brewing . One of the things that I love about Ms . Scott is that she isn 't afraid to confront the hard issues about the after effects of war . She tackles addiction , depression and a broken VA system with a refreshing honesty . In this book , she tackles another issue that I haven 't seen brought up before , especially in the New Adult genre . . impotence . I thought she handled the subject with great respect and care . impeccable manners . They don 't stand in the doorway , staring . No , Josh is none of those things . He 's not polished and he 's Texas on My Mind is a cute second chance romance . Riley and Claire have been friends for years . He has never made a play for he since she chose their friend Daniel over him in high school . He is back home recovering from an injury due to an attack while at war . Claire is in town to get her grandmother 's house ready for sale . Both seem to be at a crossroads in their life . I liked this story for the most part . I thought Claire and Riley were cute together . I loved their easy relationship that had years of friendship behind it . I was definitely rooting for them . I also thought that Riley 's brother 's were interesting and look forward to learning more about them . What I didn 't love about the story was the other three people ( Daniel , Trisha and Jodi ) that kept getting in the way of their romance . I 'm not sure I have seen so many people who can 't take " no " for an answer . I know it was supposed to be funny and make things more interesting , but it just annoyed me after a while . I also know that small towns are supposed to be notorious for gossip , but really it was a little over the top for me . The other thing that I didn 't like was the truth about Ethan 's paternity . That was a bit weird . Authors , Publishers , Publicists we want to hear from you ! Do you have a fiction book that you want featured on our blog ? Let us know about it . Due to time constraints we don 't always have time for a full review . We are open to guest posts , giveaways or any other ideas you might have . Contact Autumn for further details . The reviewers of From the TBR Pile read and review books acquired from multiple sources . We often receive complimentary copies and ARCs from publishers , publicists , authors and book tour promoters . Some books we borrow from our local libraries or purchase on our own . We are never compensated in anyway for any review written on this blog . We are in no way obligated to write good or bad reviews for any complimentary material received by us . We are honest reviewers and our reviews are based on our own opinions and written solely by us .
|
Dragonfish - This was a random audio pick from my library . It should have been one that I passed over . It was boring and confusing . The characters were unlikable and I really didn 't care to listen beyond the first disc . . Welcome to Night Vale - This was another random audio pick . I knew nothing going into the book before I started it . I lasted about half of a disc . Apparently , it is based on a podcast series that they tried to expand into a book . I have never listened to the series . Maybe if I did , this book would make more sense ? Probably not . Often things like that don 't translate well into book form . It was just too weird . Lyla is caught between two worlds . The isolated Community that she grew up in and the outside world that she 's navigating for the very first time . The outsiders call the Community a cult , but Pioneer miraculously survived a shooting that should have killed him . Are the faithful members right to stay true to his message ? Is this just a test of faith ? One thing is for sure : the Community will do anything to bring Lyla back to the fold . Trapped in a spider 's web of deception , will Lyla detect the sticky threads tightening around her before it 's too late ? She 'll have to unravel the mystery of what Pioneer and the Community are truly up to if she wants to survive . I 've had this sequel in my TBR pile for a while . I 'm sorry that it took me so long to finish out this duology because Astray was really good . I was a little concerned that I might not be able to enjoy the book because it had been too long since reading Gated . But , the author did a great job of reminding the reader what happened in Gated , so it didn 't take long to reacquaint myself with everything . I did enjoy Astray . I felt like this one was a lot creepier than the first one . Lyla is out of the cult , but she is definitely struggling , The other members aren 't making it easy for her to stay out . The thing I really liked about this story is that it didn 't portray things as all hearts and roses for Lyla . Sure , she is out , but she still has a lot of inner turmoil about what she believes and if she made the right decision . Her struggle to fit in came across as realistic and believable . I don 't think this one would stand up well as a stand alone . If you haven 't read this series , I highly recommend starting with Gated . Posted by The Harder You Fall - I have enjoyed this series immensely , but this one wasn 't my favorite . While I did like the romance between West and Jessie Kay , I felt like the angst went on a little too long . Also , the psycho girlfriend thing was a little over the top . Jessie Kay was a great character , though . I love her transformation from party girl to " mature " woman . I felt like it came across as sincere . This was a decent addition to the series and I look forward to the next one ! Second Chance Summer - I thought this was one of the funniest romances that I have read in a long time . I just loved the characters . The siblings camaraderie was so amusing and spot on ! I just loved the underwear bet . Aiden and Lily were perfect together ! It 's definitely worth a read . My Kind of Wonderful - While not as funny as Second Chance Summer , I still thought this one was amusing . The thing I loved most about this one was that Hud fell in love with Bailey even though she didn 't have a full head of hair . When they meet , she is still recovering from chemo and her had is covered with a cap most of the time . It was just refreshing to have a guy fall for a girl not totally because of her looks , but for her spirit and personality . I can 't wait to read the next book ! Christmas in Mustang Creek : This was cute holiday story to round out the Brides of Bliss County series . While I did like the couple , Charlotte and Jackson , the story was a little underwhelming . Jaxon was very sweet in his pursuit of Charlie , but I think the story was longer than it needed to be and at times repetitive . The " Klozz " effect was a cute idea , but got a little corny after a while . I guess it was supposed to have you believe in the magic of the season . Anyway , I do recommend this series as a whole . I really enjoyed it . Having lived through her parents ' endless string of " matrimonial bliss gone wrong , " Cassidy Starr knows when the odds are not in her favor . Divorced and humiliated , her faith on rocky ground , Cassidy is through with love . She 's been bucked off that horse far too many times . Instead , she returns to Wishing Springs , Texas , and the rundown farm she 's inherited from her great aunt Roxie . She 'll reopen the strawberry farm and a bed & breakfast and follow in her aunt 's footsteps , remaining forever - independent , happy . . . and single . Rancher Jarrod Monahan 's hands are full running the ranch , looking after his ailing grandfather , and chasing down a group of rustlers on the loose . He 's pushed his longing for a family to the bottom of his list of priorities . Besides , he was in love once but ran scared and lost his shot at happiness . But suddenly , the biggest regret of his life has moved in next door with a wounded heart , determined to become a spinster . . . and that 's a challenge that Jarrod can 't pass up . Jarrod sets his mind to breaking down the walls around Cassidy 's stubborn heart . How can he show her that a cowboy 's kiss lasts forever ? For the good folks of Wishing Springs , falling in love has never been so much fun to witness . Kissed By a Cowboy is the third book featuring the Monahan brothers . I have really enjoyed this series and in a way , I 'm sad that the last brother has gotten his HEA . Jarrod is the eldest of the three brothers . He is also the serious one . When he realizes he has a second chance at love with Cassidy , he decides to go for it . Unfortunately , Cassidy has other plans . Coming of a horrible divorce , she doesn 't want to ever get married again . While not my favorite of the three books , I did enjoy Jarrod and Cassidy together . I loved how Jarrod never gave up in trying to win back Cassidy 's heart . I was really rooting for them the whole way . For me , it just took Cassidy a little too long to get with the program . In addition to their story , we are treated to the conclusion to a story arc over the series between Pebble and Rand . Their love story was so super sweet and I was so happy with that couple 's ending . Along with appearances from previous characters , there is a bit of adventure added into the story . I 'm not sure what is next for this author , but I hope she will visit with Wishing Springs Texas again in the future ! Debra Clopton is a multi - award winning novelist and has written more than 22 novels . Along with writing , Debra helps her husband teach the youth at their local Cowboy Church . Debra 's goal is to shine a light toward God while she entertains readers with her words . What the Waves Know is a beautifully written coming of age story that deals with how our memories shape our lives . I ended up devouring this book ! I read it in one sitting because I couldn 't put it down . Izabella is fourteen when her mother brings her back to Tillings Island to try to help her find her voice . When she was six , her father disappeared from her life and took her voice with him . She has no memory of what happened the night she told him to go away . But , as she spends time on the island , the memories begin to break free . This story really makes you think about memories and how they often differ from reality . Also how the loss of bad memories can also make us forget the good ones as well . That is what Iz finds on the island . Not only what happened to her father , but she also begins to realize that she had lost good memories of her mother as well . I don 't want to give away too much of the story . I know this book will be making my top 10 at the end of the year . I hope you will be rooting for not only fourteen year old Iz but her six year old self just like I was while reading it . I just think you should go read it . . . like now . It 's a great debut and I look forward to more from this author ! Expecting a baby was supposed to be the most incredible thing in her life , but for Pru Kenyon , it was bittersweet . Her relationship with live - in love Case McCord was both exciting and deeply satisfying . But Pru knew Case wasn 't willing to take it to the next level of commitment . Pru wasn 't about to force Case 's hand by revealing her secret . She didn 't want him to propose to her out of duty - - she wanted him to want her for herself . So she did the only thing she could . . . . She walked away from the love of her life . She knew she could have this baby on her own , that she could love her child enough for two . But she hadn 't bargained on what Case was willing to do for love . I should have known I wouldn 't like this book from the synopsis . But I am willing to give any book a shot . In the end , I couldn 't finish the book . Pru and Case are living together when she finds herself pregnant . Instead of telling him , she decides to leave because she knows he has no interest in marriage . He goes after her , but he doesn 't let on that he found out about the baby . She takes him back and marries him . Once he revealed that he knew about the baby all along , she is not convinced he married her for her and not the baby . I had to stop after that point . I tried to keep reminding myself that this book was written in 1987 , but I felt like it was so preachy and just plain dumb . Neither one of them seemed thrilled to be married . Not once did they ever talk about love . If I had to read one more time about the evils of living together and sex before marriage , I was going to throw my MP3 player across the room . This book also confirmed that I hate the word " manhood " . I say skip this one . She has written much better ! Blog Tour : Guest post and Excerpt of How to Handle a Scandal by Emily Greenwood We are really excited to have a guest post from Author Emily Greenwood today . She shares with us her favorite scene in her latest book , How to Handle a Scandal . Enjoy it after my thoughts on the book . Author : Emily GreenwoodPublisher : Sourcebooks CasablancaISBN : 9781492613688Release Date : February 2016THEY THOUGHT THE DEBUTANTE WAS SCANDALOUSMiss Elizabeth Tarryton was the toast of the London Season the year she was seventeen and spurned young Tommy Halifax . A careless flirt who didn 't know what she wanted , she was startled into laughter by his public proposal of marriage . Furious and heartbroken , Tommy promptly left home for a life of adventure in India . IF THEY ONLY KNEW ABOUT THE WIDOWSeven years later , Elizabeth has much to make up for , but the methods she chooses for doing good are as shocking as her earlier wanton behavior - - should the ton ever find out . Tommy returns to England a hero , with no intention of allowing himself to be hurt by a woman ever again , but he 's fascinated nonetheless by Elizabeth , now widowed and more alluring than ever . My thoughts : How to Handle a Scandal is the second book in the Scandalous Sisters series . I thought it did well as a stand alone as it takes place several years after the events of the first book . I never felt like I was missing anything . I will be honest , I have kind of mixed feeling about the book . On one hand , I really liked Eliza . I thought her heart was in the right place most of the time . She just needed to learn how to balance the serious and the fun times . The secondary characters added a lot of color to the story . What I didn 't like was Tommy . He really rubbed me the wrong way through most of the book and I had a hard time wondering why Eliza would fall for him . He did redeem himself in the end , so at least it ended on a good note for me . I hope that the author writes Meg 's story , I look forward to reading it . What I like about this excerpt is that there are things happening on a number of levels . Eliza Tarryton Truehart , a respectable widow , is masquerading as a high - class prostitute in order to gain some information at a brothel . But with the threat of discovery imminent , she has hidden herself in one of the unused rooms . It isn 't empty for long , because Sir Tommy Halifax , with whom she has a difficult history , enters . Because Eliza is wearing a mask , he doesn 't recognize her . She tells him her name is Victoria , and that this is her first night working as a prostitute . Tommy , who doesn 't like Eliza at this point in the story , has no idea that he 's flirting with her . Though she was a scandalous young woman when he knew her six years before , she 's changed , and now she strives to be virtuous . This night at the brothel is sort of a one - time return to the kinds of outrageous things she used to do , but she has an unselfish reason for being there . Though the scene is playful , it 's poignant too , because they used to be good friends , and Eliza yearns to know Tommy as the man he has become . " Would you like to practice your boldness a little before you become a professional ? I propose a kiss . As one who has something of a history of kissing , I believe I might offer you an estimation as to how well you will fare . " She ought to resist . She knew there were costs to indulging herself , and she made better choices now . But tonight she 'd begun to see that maybe there were experiences she 'd missed . She stared down at the wicked tilt teasing the edge of his mouth and knew that whatever he was proposing was a terrible idea . He 'd said a kiss , but who knew if he meant to stop there ? And even if he did mean just a kiss , was she insane , to be tempted to kiss him when she was probably the last woman in the world whose lips he 'd want to touch with his own ? She 'd read hatred in his eyes that night years ago , and though he 'd said he accepted her apology , she wouldn 't be surprised if some of that feeling still lingered , hidden by a polite veneer . One black eyebrow rose in a pirate 's misbehaving slant , and the white of his teeth flashed as he grinned . " If there 's one thing that I 've never been said to be lacking , it 's nerve . " With a tug on her arm , he pulled her sideways onto his lap . She nodded slowly . It was true - she did feel shy and a little overwhelmed by him , but the feeling was exciting . And also surprising ; she was hardly virginal - she 'd kissed more than a few men , though none since Gerard had died , and she 'd experienced the ultimate joining many times with her husband . But in each of those encounters , she 'd been certain of her own power , of the upper hand she 'd always held as the one pursued , the one allowing the attentions of an admirer . For the first time ever , that wasn 't how she felt . She knew Tommy no longer admired her . He might find Victoria attractive , but Eliza Truehart 's beauty was nothing to him , and he certainly didn 't admire her as a person . She felt shy and off - kilter , a new sensation for her . Lani has lived in Hana , Hawaii for five years . She 's learned to surf , fish , dive , and manage her grandmother 's bed and breakfast . She 's also learned to take one day at a time the way it should be taken - relaxed and unrushed , savoring every moment . Not Always Happenstance is the second book in the Power of the Matchmaker series . It 's a 12 month / book collaboration from 12 authors all revolving around Pearl . She is an elderly Asian woman who seems to have a knack for matchmaking . After having read this second book , I can honestly say that they can be read as stand alone books , so picking up any in the series would be fine without feeling lost . If you are in the mood for a super cute and clean romance , this book definitely fits the bill . While the first book , Broken Things to Mend , was heart wrenching , this one was a lot lighter . It 's about two people who are perfect for each other . The problem is that one of them needs to learn how to settle a little and the other needs to learn how to fly . I really enjoyed Lani and Easton 's fall into love . I loved that they developed a friendship while learning to love each other . The best part is that they do it while exploring Maui . I 've never been , but after reading this I am dying to visit and see the beautiful sights . I definitely recommend this book and series . Stay tuned as I 'll be reviewing the third book , If We Were a Movie next month ! A USA Today bestselling author , Rachael Anderson is the mother of four and is pretty good at breaking up fights , or at least sending guilty parties to their rooms . She can 't sing , doesn 't dance , and despises tragedies . But she recently figured out how yeast works and can now make homemade bread , which she is really good at eating . Open only to those who can legally enter , receive and use an Amazon . com Gift Code or Paypal Cash . Winning Entry will be verified prior to prize being awarded . No purchase necessary . You must be 18 or older to enter or have your parent enter for you . The winner will be chosen by rafflecopter and announced here as well as emailed and will have 48 hours to respond or a new winner will be chosen . This giveaway is in no way associated with Facebook , Twitter , Rafflecopter or any other entity unless otherwise specified . The number of eligible entries received determines the odds of winning . Giveaway was organized by Kathy from I Am A Reader and sponsored by the author . VOID WHERE PROHIBITED BY LAW . It will take a really amazing book to knock this one out of my Favorite of the Year spot . This book was AWESOME ! It was a very well written book about " cave people " and their attempts at daily life and how the first wolf was domesticated . There are multiple story lines going on in this book and they eventually come together . One is about The Man and The Wolf . He comes across a bad injured mother wolf who has just given birth to her litter . He has just been banished by his tribe . Together they form an alliance to survive , he shares her cave and he takes care of her and her pups . The other two story lines are about the lives of two different tribes and how life is different for each one . I definitely recommend this book . I 'm a cat person and I seriously loved this story . Fans of historical fiction will love this I 'm sure . Although , I 'm sure this book will have wide appeal , there was so much to love about this book . Posted by Rescuing Rayne is the first book in a new series and the first one I have read by this author . Keane , aka Ghost , is on his way home from a secret mission when he meets Rayne in an airport . After their flight is canceled , they decide to see the sights of London together . Their one night stand leaves a lasting impression on both of them and six months later , both of them still can 't forget the other one . I have mixed feelings about this story . I loved the first part of the book . The first half is pretty much their day in London and them getting to know each other . I liked their chemistry a lot . I was looking forward to the later meeting between them . I was really rooting for them to get their HEA . What I was unprepared for was the middle part when Rayne is taken hostage . I 'm not usually one for saying a book needs a trigger warning , but I really feel like this one does . The captors go into great detail about what is going to be done to Rayne and I was kind of surprised at that part . I really felt like the amount of detail was unnecessary and kind of turned me off on the story at that point . This new series seems to be an offshoot of the author ; s " Seal of Protection " series . I 'm going to have to go back and check that one out . The next book in this series comes out later this summer . I look forward to checking it out . I was so happy when I got my hands on a copy of Break My Fall . I loved the first book in this series , Before I Fall . I can say the same thing about this second New Adult book . One of the hardest things that I find when an author keeps writing great books is that I run out of creative ways to say I loved it . I guess there could be worse problems , right ? It definitely can be read as a stand alone , so if you missed the first book , you will be not be lost . Break my Fall is Josh and Abby 's story . Josh is in his second semester of college and trying to deal with the violence and rage that war left him with . Abby has her own scars from a violent past . I loved them together because they brought an inner peace to each other . I also liked that they kept fighting for each other because they knew something special was brewing . One of the things that I love about Ms . Scott is that she isn 't afraid to confront the hard issues about the after effects of war . She tackles addiction , depression and a broken VA system with a refreshing honesty . In this book , she tackles another issue that I haven 't seen brought up before , especially in the New Adult genre . . impotence . I thought she handled the subject with great respect and care . impeccable manners . They don 't stand in the doorway , staring . No , Josh is none of those things . He 's not polished and he 's Texas on My Mind is a cute second chance romance . Riley and Claire have been friends for years . He has never made a play for he since she chose their friend Daniel over him in high school . He is back home recovering from an injury due to an attack while at war . Claire is in town to get her grandmother 's house ready for sale . Both seem to be at a crossroads in their life . I liked this story for the most part . I thought Claire and Riley were cute together . I loved their easy relationship that had years of friendship behind it . I was definitely rooting for them . I also thought that Riley 's brother 's were interesting and look forward to learning more about them . What I didn 't love about the story was the other three people ( Daniel , Trisha and Jodi ) that kept getting in the way of their romance . I 'm not sure I have seen so many people who can 't take " no " for an answer . I know it was supposed to be funny and make things more interesting , but it just annoyed me after a while . I also know that small towns are supposed to be notorious for gossip , but really it was a little over the top for me . The other thing that I didn 't like was the truth about Ethan 's paternity . That was a bit weird . Authors , Publishers , Publicists we want to hear from you ! Do you have a fiction book that you want featured on our blog ? Let us know about it . Due to time constraints we don 't always have time for a full review . We are open to guest posts , giveaways or any other ideas you might have . Contact Autumn for further details . The reviewers of From the TBR Pile read and review books acquired from multiple sources . We often receive complimentary copies and ARCs from publishers , publicists , authors and book tour promoters . Some books we borrow from our local libraries or purchase on our own . We are never compensated in anyway for any review written on this blog . We are in no way obligated to write good or bad reviews for any complimentary material received by us . We are honest reviewers and our reviews are based on our own opinions and written solely by us .
|
Angelina is quit excited about donning on her costume , and taking to the streets . Grace , I 'm sure will be happy to tag along . Here they are ready to go in their costumes . The midwife apt . was yesterday , and everything was splendid . Baby is head down , low , but not engaged as I had thought . Next week Sylvia will come for a home visit to ' check things out ' . I always luv when they come into the home . So much more personal . I make tea , and home baked goods to share . . . its really like a visit with friend . I also blew up the pool , ' just in case ' I go early . I can always hope ! Goran is getting the downstairs shower functional , and putting in a nice spray shower head for if I need that for some pain relief . He is also brushing up on his coaching skills , by reading " The Birth Partner " by Penny Simkin . He read it while I was pregnant with Grace and requested it to read again . I 'm also gathering supplies . Bedsheets for the futon , old towels , receiving blankets , hats for Baby , space heater , so it can be nice and warm , just birthing stuff . Its nice to be doing something in preparation . I have also started nesting . Going , room by room , and giving a good cleaning . Clearing out closets , going through cloths , that kind of thing . With both the girls I did this as well , and it was a few weeks before birth . I am also cooking casseroles , and baking breads , cookies , and muffins for the freezer . This way after Baby comes I won 't have so much to do . I can put a casserole in for supper , get muffins out for guests , all that sort of thing . As it turns out Angelina guiltily told me yesterday that she wants to go to Cheryl 's house to see her house . It has nothing to do with the baby , and she would actually like to see the baby , and maybe watch some TV when the time comes . So when the times comes , I will just let her come and go from the room as she pleases and see how she handles that . I told her after Baby comes she can go to Cheryl 's and tell her if its a boy or girl . She said that was great . Daycare is going well . My friend , from down the streetPosted by Here is a few pictures I promised . Here we are for the Hiemstra Family Thanksgiving walk . The tree behind us is the tree that we usually climb and have a picture done in , but , well , I wasn 't quite up for climbing this year : ) And here I am , just last night . Its amazing to see myself . How much my baby belly has grown , and see the ' drop ' . Now that I see it in a picture , I can really see the slope of my belly , and how low it is . I put the baby car seat in the van . In preparation for the baby 's first care ride . When I did it I also switched the girls around . Grace is in Angelina 's old spot , and the baby car seat is beside her . So they are both in the middle . Angelina is in the back . It is much easier getting them in and out . I don 't have to run around from side to side to buckle them up . ( I don 't know how people did it when vans only had one side door . ) And they can 't fight either now . I always kept them together thinking they could play , and keep each other company , but they just fought more then anything . Everyone needs a little space , right ? So , off I went shopping last night . Each one in their ' new ' spot . On the way home I caught Angelina singing to the music . Just a kidz CD I have in the car . It was very cute . She didn 't know all the words , but when the chorus came on , I could here her trying so hard to get the words in time with the CD . She 's grow , and becoming such a preschooler . As for me , I am getting uncomfortable . During the last week , my pelvis pressure has increase . By the end of the night the inside of my thighs are throbbing , and my back is really starting to hurt too . Its almost like a nerve . Just the way Baby sits sometimes . . . and I can hardly more , it hurts . And the braxton hicks are becoming more frequent , and a wee bit uncomfortable . A few weeks ago , I was getting tired and all that , but I wasn 't ready for the pain of childbirth quite yet . I was willing to put up with pregnancy as trade of for that . But now , I would just like to sleep on my back , walk without waddling , and be able to get up off the couch with out help , or grunting , go 3 hours between trips to the bathroom . . . . So now I am ready . I am willing and ready to accept and embrace the pain of childbirth , because when its over , I will feel sooo much better . And I would really like to hold my baby in my arms . Watch the love in Goran 's face as he see his new child for the first time . See the wonder on the girls faces when they see their new baby . . . Yes , I am ready for Posted by Yesterday I was resting on the couch , and I got up to get ready to wake the kidz up . Suddenly I had the urge to pee so bad , I almost didn 't make it from the couch to the bathroom . I thought to myself , " That was strange . " But continued about the afternoon . " Oh , my goodness ! " exclaimed one of my mom 's who was picking up her son when she saw me . " You 've dropped . " I started thinking about the when I had gotten up off the couch . Hummm . So when Goran got home , I lifted up my shirt and asked him , " Does it look like I dropped ? " " Yes ! " He exclaimed , pretty much the same way . " Big time ! " And honestly , I can feel it . The past week or so I have had a hard time catching my breath , and my bra has been really digging into me by the end of the day . But , I can breath better ! And Baby 's feet feel just a bit lower then before when he / she goes on a kicking spree . And , and I can feel extra pressure in my perineum , that is in a different place than before . So it looks to other people like I dropped , and it feels like it to me . " Dropped " referes to the baby 's head descending in to the pelvis in preparation for labor . For a first time baby it is quite normal for it to happen at this time . Usually with 2nd , 3rd , ect baby 's it doesn 't happen until the woman goes into labor . But , its not unheard of to happen now , and it likely means I will have lots of prodormal labor . This is a lot of start and stop labor . It means changes are happening in preparation for labor . It usually results in a shorter labor , when labor really does kick in . But in the mean time it can be very tiring , and the woman , ( me ) is in a constant state of alertness . But , knowing all this will give me an advantage . I am a prepared , and ready to get my rest . My mom predicted that I would go early . I kept saying " No . " But now , I think she might be on to something . Only time will tell . And really , it doesn 't mean that much , I could still hang onto well into December ! ! The rest of the family is doing well . Grace is still getting up to pee at night , but goes to bed right afterwards . And IPosted by I had a great visit today at the midwives . Sylvia said everything is running along on course , and baby is doing well . I am 33 weeks today ! ! I can 't believe the time has gone by so fast . It has been such a busy summer , and with the late arrival of fall weather , it is surreal that impending birth is only about 7 weeks away . I see Lisa my 3rd in 2 weeks , and 2 weeks after that Sylvia comes for a home visit . I will be 37 weeks then , and after that point , anything goes ! Wow , sometimes I can 't believe that by Christmas time our family will be 5 ! Grace came down with a nasty virus , and was running a high fever all weekend . So there was some sleep , but mostly broken into a few hours at a time . One night I was up every 4 hours giving her Tylenol , and last night she slept from midnight to about 6 : 30am , but when she woke she had soiled herself . YUCK ! What a thing to deal with at 6 : 30 in the morning . So needless to say , bedsheets were washed , toddler was washed , and everyone smelled much better after that . Her fever broke , so she is feeling better , but still very tired . She actually went and crawled into bed on her own tonight . I just put her jammies on , kissed her , and let her go . Angelina and I had ' talk ' about the baby 's arrival . She really isn 't looking forward to it , and when I asked if she would like to go to Cheryl 's when the baby ' comes out ' , she responded with a very definite yes . I was disappointed , but I understand that this is all very hard for her to grasp . So I , with a heavy heart , agreed she could go . But I also reminded her if she changed her mind , she could stay . So that is really it for me . My comfort level is still good . With the ruff week and weekend past , I 've been tired , but my energy is building again , and I feel ready for another 7 weeks . Have a great week all , and I will post again soon . Here is my grumpy girl yesterday morning at 6 : 15 am . Just as grumpy as mommy ! ! And she is this morning , at 7 : 30ish , feeling much better ! So last night wasn 't as bad , and she lasted until 3 : 45ish am . I heard her pad off to the bathroom on her own , and held my breath hoping she would go back to bed . Nope . After a few minutes I heard her playing with a squeaky book . I waited . A few minutes later I can still here her . OK , so I have to get up . I sit down across from her . " It 's night time . We have have to go back to bed . " I tell her . " Ma ma , pee pee , " she says getting off the potty . " Great , " I said . ' But that is not the point , " I think to myselfBut out loud I say , " You can have a smarties and go back to bed . " She nods her understanding . Off to the kitchen . As I give her her smarties , I notice she 's a bit warm . Like Temperature , hot warm . Maybe this explains the last few nightly wanderings . Maybe something is bothering her . I give her some Tylenol , and off to bed . " And you have to be quiet , " I tell her as I slip her into bed , " Or mommy will put you in the playpen . " I point to in the corner , so she understands . She just smiles at me . I hit the sack , hoping , praying that is the end . Nope . 15 - 20 minutes , just I am dosing off I hear her voice carrying some off note tune of a song she remembers . Time to follow through . " Sorry Hunny , you are going to have to sleep in the playpen , " I whisper , as I pick her up , her pillow , blanket , and baby . I gently place her in , put her blanket on , and tell her , " I luv you Grace , have fun . " I know she is safe now , and the mumbled singing doesn 't bother me . I didn 't hear her after awhile , and eventually drifted off to sleep . Well , much better . We all woke up at 7 : 30 . Great ! ! Much better . I will keep working on it . I know she can get through this . Of course , as it goes , you get over one hurdle and there is another one waiting , right ? The potty stuff is done . Hurdle conquered . But now my little monkey has decided that about 1 : 15 am is a great time to play , and sing , and read stories . But not without several trips to the bathroom . Ok the first 2 nights I struggled through , trying to keep my cool . Yesterday I was very tired and cranky in the morning , but had a mental break though think how lucky I was to have 2 healthy , ( beautiful ) girls , and be pregnant again ! Wow , what a miracle . So I put her to bed bit later last night thinking that might help . Nope . 1 : 21am I here her little feet pad across the wood floor to my room . " Oh no , not again ! " I think to myself . I keep my eyes closed , hoping she thinks I 'm asleep and goes back to bed . ( Can she even have those complex thoughts ? ) " Fat chance . I tried that the last 2 nights in a row , why would it work the 3rd night ? " Ma ma ! " She sputters around her soother , and hits my hand . " Pee pee , " She says as she pats her bum . She 's got some books in her other hand , so she has plans . " Ok , lets go , " I say , as I struggle to get up in my large aquard , 8 months pregnant way . Off the the bathroom . I figure I 'm here I might as well go myself . I 'm pretty sleepy , and have a hard time keeping eyes open . Ok , when we 've both finished , I tuck her in to bed , and go off myself , hoping this is the end ( just like the last 2 nights . ) The sagga begins . For an hour and a half she sings and plays , and I think to myself , ' I 'm so lucky to have children . Some people can 't . ' And I get up 5 - 6 times , tuck her in nice , and tell her to go to sleep . The 7th time , ( its now 2 : 51am ) I think to myself ( as she pads to the bathroom ) ' Ahhhhh ! This is nuts ! ! I 'm so tired I can 't think ! ' I go to the bathroom , waddle waddle waddle . " Grace , if you want to play , you will have to go in the crib , " I tell her . " Its night time , time to be sleeping . And its not safe for you to be wondering around playing in the dark . " In she goes , with her pillow , and blanket , and baby . Ok , she Posted by Well my midwife appointment was suppose to be today . But we had to reschedule due to the midwife being at a birth . I understand these things happen , really I do , but it is still disappointing . I always look forward to the apt . s , and I send all the kidz in my care , home early . So we rescheduled for next week , but that means taking more time off , and asking my daycare parents to take time off . . . . . oh well , what can I do ? All in all , its turning out to be a great day . I was pleasantly surprised by Goran , and friends this morning , and Angelina gleefully wished my a happy birthday . I tried to get Gracie to sing to me , but she would here nothing of it . I am 32 weeks yesterday . I am starting to feel large , and uncomfortable more often then I feel comfortable . I am not walking as often or as far , because honestly , after running after 5 kidz all day I really don 't have the energy to walk for and hour . Even the 10 minutes walk to the park with the kidz in the morning , and then home again , seems alot to me right now . But the end is insight ! ! 8 weeks to go . My tummy is stretching and growing , and the indigestion is becoming more frequent during the day . I keep a bottle of Tums beside the bed . . . and I really have to take my calcium pills or I get painful leg cramps . But on the upside , Baby is active and busy . Stretching and turning every which way . It feels now like not a few minutes go by without a kick or a roll to remind me of the life inside me ! ! And that is awesome ! I have now finished 4 wool soakers , and started on my 5th . I received some colored wool for my birthday , so I have started number 5 in a turquoise color with some white striping in it . A friend of mine told me I was doing such a good job I should start selling . . . . we 'll see . I think I have enough on my plate for now : ) And I also bought some pins ! I have some prefolds , which will be handy if I run out of the newborn diapers , so I thought I should have some pins on hand to help hold them nice and snug under the soakers . Goran thought the whole thing was a bit primitiPosted by Staying home with the little ones , taking it one day at a time . Mostly life is good , just a few bumps in the road . Come and join me , read about our journey . I have never done one of * these * posts . I 'm excited , and my fingers are tingling a tiny bit . As we prepare for this baby , in our heart . . . We gathered . Ballet mom 's and dad 's . Some grandma 's and grandpa 's and neighbors and friends . We brought plastic covered trea . . . We went away , Goran and I , just the 2 of us ! Julie , Ron , and Kurtis came to watch and care for my 5 . It was so good to go away AND know my . . .
|
I think I 'm temporarily over my picture - posting fun . I think . Temporarily . Today was my last class day of this semester ( whoo - hoo ! ) which means I 'm only one semester away from taking ( and hopefully passing ! ) the bar , and then being a lawyer , which would make these past 2 . 5 years of stress worth it . Or , at least , not a total waste . My stress level right now , as you can imagine with finals coming up , is not low . Fortunately , I 've been getting workouts in . Monday was my run with the RocketDog ( I like that better than ' fraud . ' ' Saddest Dog Ever ' still applies but is too long for everypost use . And " RocketDog " is pretty accurate ) . Tuesday was a swim , about 2000 yards total . I was in the pool for less than an hour , but it 's still pretty cool to be in there and have people get in , do their swim , and get out while I 'm there . Yesterday was a rest day . Today , Spinerval . Which leads to . . . A few observations about Spinervals : 1 . Coach Troy does not count well . His 5 - second counts are way too short . It 's like , " 5 . . . 321 ! " 2 . The music is terrible . Terrible . 3 . Doing a Spinerval after having a beer and dinner at a bar is not a good idea . It was only sheer luck that I didn 't puke . That 's all I 've got . Goodnight . I decided that I was feeling good , and my dog had been in his crate for a while because I was at class , so I 'd take him with me on my run tonight . He 's a great dog , and a true pain in the ass . He 's also the Saddest Dog Ever . Ever . There was never a dog sadder than he . Speedy and I ( okay , I ) recently made the executive decision that the dog is no longer allowed on the couch , because the couch has white cushions and the dog often has muddy paws . So I washed the cushion covers and put the kibosh on the dog on the couch . Now , this is the saddest dog . He is sitting on his brand - new cushion on the floor , giving me these big sad eyes . I 'm so not convinced . He 's a fraud . Anyway , I took the fraud out for a short run . He loves to run , but he get so excited that running with him is like running downhill the entire time because he pulls so much . And I decided that it would be a good idea , while still not 100 % recovered , to take this 70 - pound missile out with me . Yeah , not my brightest idea ever . I mean , it went okay , but there were lots of lateral movements and other quick movements that don 't happen during a normal run . It was a little painful . On the plus side , I went pretty fast , because I practically had a sled dog pulling me along . In other news , this is the last week of classes . I can 't freaking wait for this semester to be over . One of my friends is taking the stress of school and her job search pretty hard , and seems to be taking it out on me . She 's a sweetheart to everyone else , and has been evil to me lately . This is the second time in the past few weeks that this has happened with this one particular friend . It happened , and seemed to resolve , and now it 's started again . Seriously , I think she 's a cool girl and all but I 'm done letting her occupy space in my head like this . Ugh . But , after I take four exams , I get to go out to San Francisco with Speedy for a few days . This will be the fourth time I 've been there this year . Hopefully when I come back , I won 't fall in the airport . I 'll make sure to wear flat - soled shPosted by Speedy got sick of hearing me complain about swimming and agreed to come to the pool to coach me . He went without his goggles ( or at least left them in the locker room ) and even wore board shorts . Now , him totally not participating in order to coach me is a big deal . For instance , he 's a good surfer , and once tried to teach me how to surf . We both went out on boards , and he taught me how to paddle and balance on the board , and so on . After we got the very basics down , every time a good wave came , he 'd say " Oh , here 's a good one , try to get this ! " and I 'd think , " but HOW ? " Meanwhile , he 'd be 30 feet in front of me already , having caught said good wave and riding it in . He 'd paddle back and say something along the lines of " You 'll get the next one . " Meanwhile , I had no idea how to stand up on the board or even just how to catch the wave . Needless to say , I didn 't learn how to surf that day . Or ever . So , he really took one for the team today by going to the pool for the sole purpose of helping me improve . And I think that 's awesome . I have been getting frustrated with my swimming lately . I 've been feeling like I can 't get any glide , and as soon as I try to go fast I lose all semblance of control and form . Or , at least , that 's how I feel . Over dinner last night , Speedy , who swam in high school and knows more about this than I do , explained to me that there are two main types of strokes : the first is long and gliding , and the second is shorter with a higher turnover . Men , he explained , tend to use a longer stroke , while women have a higher turnover . Sounds like a good enough explanation to me . He thought maybe what was making me so frustrated was that I was trying to use one type when I should be using the other . So off to the pool today . Turns out he was right . What I thought was all hell breaking loose in the pool when I tried to go fast was just a higher turnover with a shorter stroke length , which is totally acceptable and in his opinion , probably better for open - water swimming anyway . He gave me some great advice , Posted by Last night Speedy and I were at my parents ' house . My sister is turning 21 in a few months , and we 've been trying to come up with a plan to celebrate it appropriately . My mom commented that she didn 't know whether she had ever been to a 21st birthday party , and I pointed out the obvious , " well , you turned 21 , right ? " Speedy , in his infinite wisdom , piped up , " Well , I think she meant recently . " Yeah , not so smooth on his part . Today is Thanksgiving . I 've got lots to be thankful for . I have an awesome family and a great group of friends . School is going well , and my foot is almost totally healed . I feel really lucky . So right - tri training . The reason I have this blog in the first place . So a couple days ago I did an easy swim , 8x100 and 2x400 . I didn 't feel great , but was doing okay on the 100s . My times were on average slightly faster than they 've been , but my 400s were way slow , like 20 seconds slower than a few weeks ago . That was a little disappointing , but not terribly surprising . I felt really inefficient through the water . I 'm not feeling like it 's the end of the world though ; with the end of the semester upon me and finals starting soon I can 't really expect to have all my workouts be great . But I 'd at least like to be consistent from week to week . I don 't have to be faster every week , but not being 20 seconds slower would be nice . Here are the times I 'm comparing : 11 / 7 : 10x100 - 1 . 50 avg , 400 - 7 : 23 11 / 21 : 8x100 - 1 . 45 avg , 2x400 - 7 : 43 , 7 : 51So the 100 average was quite a bit faster , but the 400 was way slower . Any idea what this means ? Yesterday was 45 minutes of an aerobic basebuilder Spinerval . It was a really good workout , and I felt good when I got off the bike - my legs weren 't trashed like they usually are after a Spinerval . I 've started signing up for races for next year ( okay , one race , but it 's still a start ) . I want to put one of those charts in the sidebar . Can someone tell me how to do that ? As a law student , I have mastered things like the finer points of using bullet - point lists and formatting headings and page numbers , but I am pretty clueless with things like HTML . Hence my newfound preference for posting from a PC instead of my Mac . Anyway . Help ? Today 's run : easy 3 miles with Speedy . We went out after I got back from class and he from work , so it was dark by the time we left . Speedy doesn 't often run after dark , or in the cold . ( I know . He doesn 't run in the dark or cold and just recently relented and started using a trainer . Yet he 's still way faster than I am . Oh , the unfairness . ) With about a mile left , he commented that he was feeling like a " total hardcore badass . " Yes , that is a direct quote . Too bad I can 't make that into some sort of pseudonym for him . Luckily for him , I like Speedy McFast and will stick with that . For now . First . Usually I post from a Mac . This post was done on a PC ( Yes , I like both Macs and PCs . Does that make me immoral in some way ? Probably . I was studying at a coffee shop the other day , and my friend couldn 't get her PC to connect to the WiFi , so I helped her get it working . The girl next to us made a big deal about a Mac user helping a PC user , and how now there was peace on earth . Really . ) Blogger clearly prefers PCs , because all the sudden I have an array of options that are not there for the Mac , like font color , bold / italic , links , bullet lists , and so on . These options aren 't available to me when I 'm using my Mac . Clearly Blogger is Macophobic . Moving on , yesterday I ran . Not on the treadmill , and not a little half - mile ginger jog , either . I really ran . For 2 . 5 miles . With Speedy . I wasn 't going fast , but I was going . And it was excellent . Today was a 1 - hour spin on the trainer , watching The Simpsons and American Dad . ( See ? Italics ! ) Really , not a bad hour of TV to be watching while spinning . I think that I need to stop harping on being healed and just start getting down to the business of getting back into shape ( hence the post title ) . I thought I could make a goal be a 5K , but it since the 2 . 5 miles yesterday went well , it looks like it 's going to be more like 5 miles . Speedy took pity on me tonight and put together my workout schedule for the next couple weeks . After that , it all goes to hell because classes end , finals start , and my schedule becomes pretty nuts . But for the next two weeks I have my workouts planned . Tomorrow : 3 - mile run . This seems to be a week of firsts . After doing my first treadmill and road runs , I did my first Spinerval today . Well , not my FIRST first , but my first since I fell . Before that , I had been doing them 1 or 2 times a week , without fail . Today , Coach Troy kicked my ass . It was great . It was really freaking hard . But I was able to do it , and do the whole thing , and go hard the whole time . It wasn 't pretty , but I did it . I 'm thinking I may have recovered enough that I may be released from PT tomorrow . I 'm not sure . It seems to me that my physical therapist is rather amused by me . The facility I go to doesn 't really cater to athletes , it 's more of a functional PT / work hardening place . So I think he finds it funny that even though I can walk without pain , my main concerns are getting my strength / balance back and getting back to working out . Not walking ; I can do that . Because my starting point , by the time I got to PT , was sort of where others hope to end after PT , I think my goals are unusual . But , that said , he 's been great and pushes me to do more difficult things every time I 'm there , which I think is great . But back to my point - I think he may release me tomorrow . That would mean I am officially ( almost ) better . Next goal : trail running . I love trail running . I 've tried to convince Speedy that we should move to a place that has better trail running . He 's not convinced that we should move just based on the availability of trails . Don 't worry ; I 'll keep working on it : ) I was planning to swim today . I got all set to go , and got to the gym to find a sign : " The pool is closed until 5 : 00 p . m . " Fine , whatever . But really , the gym I go to has no respect for swimmers . The pool closes much earlier than the rest of the gym , and it 's often a crapshoot as to whether it will be open at all . It makes planning workouts a little difficult . So anyway . No swimming today . Back on the trainer , I guess . Yes , that 's right . I have been running . I ran a half - mile yesterday on the treadmill at physical therapy , and today I ran just over a half - mile on real roads . I know , I know . One measly half - mile ? The last run I did before I got hurt was with Speedy , and we did an ass - kicking seven mile run in Berkeley . That run was basically up the side of a mountain and back down . And here I am , all excited over a half - mile . Well , dear reader , the distance isn 't what matters . That will come quickly enough , as I 'm confident that I 've maintained my cardio fitness well . What matters is that I went running for the first time in over two months . Running was the big hurdle ( um , no pun intended ) . I was not able to think that I was really recovered until I could run . And now , I can . Not far , yet , and my ankle still hurts a bit when I do , but the therapist thinks that 's just because I haven 't used the small stabilizing muscles in a while . But I can run . And that . is . AWESOME . So one of my goals was to get a coach . I 've been thinking about this for a while . I think I need some direction in my training ( Go forward , quickly . Right . Not that kind of direction ) . Maybe getting a coach would help provide that , as well as take away the issue of trying to put together my own schedule and wondering if I 'm doing it right and knowing that it could be done better . Perhaps if it 's financially feasible after the new year I 'll look into it . So where does one go to find a reasonably - priced coach ? I want personalized training plans and email contact . Anybody have any ideas ? So after yesterday 's musings about whether I 've gotten faster in the pool , I went back and looked at my ( admittedly meager ) workout records . I am quite bummed to report that in fact , I have not gotten faster . Demoralizing , yes , but not totally devastating . There are a few explanations I can think of . First , my technique has gotten much better , so it 's possible that I was swimming faster but with worse form . Okay , so what ? Well , if my form is not efficient I 'll get tired sooner . So now I need to learn how to go fast while not falling apart . Also , I 've really upped my swim volume lately due to my injury , and I 've also been lifting , so there 's a possibility that I have some fatigue playing into this as well . Physical fatigue as well as mental , given how busy things are right now . Last , when I was faster , I was also swimming with Speedy almost every time I went to the pool , and he would watch me and offer pointers . Due to some circumstances out of our control , Speedy and I swim together only occasionally now . So these explanations could just be excuses . I probably just need to suck it up and swim faster . Today was speedwork in the pool . Speedy and I worked out together ; it 's nice to have someone to chat with during the rest . Not that either of us really feel like chatting , and instead are just trying to catch our breath , but it 's still nice . The workout was 4 x ( 2 x 50 medium , 1 ' rest , 1 x 50 fast , 1 : 30 rest ) . I feel silly posting these workouts , since this was a 600 - yard main set , and I am reading other blogs where people are like " I did 3500 yards this morning and this afternoon , I 'm planning a 6 - mile tempo run , " but I guess it is what it is . I was hoping to break 40 seconds for one of the 50s , but not quite . I 'm really close , but just not quite there . My times were : Set 1 : 46 . 21 , 46 . 14 , 40 . 65Set 2 : 45 . 23 , 44 . 47 , 40 . 98Set 3 : 45 . 26 , 45 . 57 , 40 . 81 Set 4 : 45 . 72 , 44 . 62 , 41 . 44So pretty close to breaking 40 . I feel like I 'm faster than I used to be , and logically I think that must be true , because I 'm stronger and I 've been swimming more . But I think only my 50 time has gotten faster . This is sort of demoralizing , because I 've been doing so much swimming lately and really I only learned how to swim about 14 months ago . So it seems that I should be much faster but I don 't think I am . Not terribly much to say . My foot is healing nicely , and the therapist said I can likely start running on the treadmill as early as next week ! That was awesome to hear . I did a Spinerval last night . It kicked my ass . I 've maintained my fitness pretty well , I think , but man was that Spinerval hard . It felt good to do some interval work , though , even though it was really a lot more painful than I remember Spinervals being . Today I took out my bike and rode along with my husband while he ran . It was good to get out , and I was clipped in , so I got to see how the foot held up to being out on the road . All things considered , it was not bad at all . And I got to chat with my husband ( hereinafter " Speedy McFast " ) while he ran . Okay , I chatted , and he mostly listened and every now and then said something , but since he was running and I was cruising along on my bike it was a pretty one - sided conversation . Which is fine . Clearly I have enough to say that I feel the need to blog , so I can fill the time while Speedy runs . I think that biking while he runs would be a great way to discuss things that we disagree about . I can talk , and he will be too out of breath to answer . Good plan , right ? Today I got my butt back onto the elliptical . I had a great plan : download one of the podcasts from a makeup class I missed earlier in the semester and listen to that while I ' ran . ' Yes , I 'm a nerd , but we 've established that already . And yes , one of my professors records his classes for podcasting . He thought it was so great to record the makeup session that he records all of them now . Seriously , though , it 's a 2 - credit class . Give me a break . But moving on , I downloaded the file , unhooked my IPod , and went to the gym and got all set to do the longest workout I 've done since before I got hurt . I try to open the file , and realize that I forgot that the stupid IPod is set to manual , so I had to actually put the file on it . Dammit . So I wasn 't able to multi - task as well as I had hoped , but that 's okay . I still went for 60 minutes , which was grePosted by So . Physical therapy is going well . Apparently after the initial evaluation , the therapist sets out a rehab course for the patient , but when I went in on Tuesday they had misplaced my chart , so the therapist was just doing it on the fly . He started by having me sit on the stationary bike for 5 minutes . First of all , when 's the last time you sat on a bike that was not either ( a ) your own , or ( b ) at spinning class ? For me , it 's been quite a while . And let me tell you , that seat on the plain - old bike was NOT comfortable . Funny how one gets used to a certain type of saddle . Anyway . I think the ' warm up ' was actually just to give them 5 more minutes to look for my chart . After about 8 minutes , the therapist comes back and tells me to stop at 7 . Oh - kay . Really , though , therapy was not bad , and the therapist seemed to think I was making good progress . That was great . Maybe I 'll be back to running soon ! Although , I did get through a bit of the new New Yorker on the elliptical this am . There 's an interesting article about the biking culture in Manhattan . That kept me occupied for a while . My husband recently caved and bought himself a trainer . This means that we now have two trainers set up in our not - huge basement , both facing a 13 - inch t . v . I think it 's great that he has a trainer now . He 's been making fun of me for months , but he 's finally realizing how awesome it is to be able to get in a good workout even when it 's dark , cold , and rainy . He has yet to make the acquaintance of Coach Troy , whom I love to hate . I think he 'll have an entirely different view after he does his first Spinerval and discovers just how much those things will kick your ass . He ( my husband , not Coach Troy ) and I have a great relationship ; we seem to balance each other well . But we 're both very competitive . So take a competitive married couple and put them on trainers next to each other , and what do you get ? Here 's but a small sample : Me , noticing that his cadence is much higher than mine : " Hon , what gear are you in ? " Him : " 42 - 19 , you ? " Me : " 42 - 14 . " Posted by No workout yesterday . I had intended to ride the trainer for a bit , but after physical therapy , acupuncture , and studying for the exam I had to take today , unfortunately it got pushed to the side . Sometimes life gets in the way , I guess . PT was okay . It was just the first ' getting started ' appointment , where they look at range of motion and strength and things , and yell at you because you haven 't been icing your foot . I 'll start with the good stuff on Tuesday . I was suprised that the therapist didn 't ask me at all about my goals . I 'd think that would be an important part of this . Acupuncture was good , of course , and the acupuncturist told me that I need not come back . Well , I mean , she didn 't tell me I wasn 't welcome back , but just that she thinks I 'm doing much better and maybe don 't need to drive 45 minutes each way and pay her fee anymore . Which is okay . But really , I thought it was a huge help in getting me back on my feet . Yes , I know that was a terrible pun . If you don 't like my stupid jokes , go away . Clearly I 'm cranky . Maybe it 's my missed workouts . Maybe it 's that I didn 't sleep much last night because of the stupid exam this morning , which I feel confident that I may or may not have passed or failed . Seriously , I have no clue how I did . Fortunately , if I failed I can retake it in March . Small condolence , I suppose , but it is keeping me going : ) As I said in my last post , my last swim workout was a nightmare . It was an exercise in mental fortitude to just finish the damn thing . I felt like I had lead weights tied to my shoulders the whole time . It was one of those swims where , as soon as you push off the wall for that first warm - up , you know it 's going to be a long day . And then it went down from there . Although , despite the fact that it felt terrible , my times were ( surprisingly ) not terrible . Which was a nice surprise , since I think that means I am getting faster , because I can feel pretty crappy and still not have terrible times . But . That was 4 days ago . This is now . Today 's workout was much better . I had been dreading this workout , given my crap - ass last swim . So after oversleeping ( yes , today is Thursday , how did you know ? ) I dragged my ass to the gym and got in the pool . I figured if I just put myself on autopilot I 'd be in the water and moving before I knew it . And it was true . The workout was : 6 x 50 ( 1 : 30 rest ) 100 easy4 x 50 ( 1 : 30 rest ) 100 easy2 x 50 ( 1 : 30 rest ) I felt great . Seriously . The whole time . It was awesome . Part of this may have been that during the rest times , I was watching the woman who got into the lane next to me . I 've seen her a few times before . Every time , she leaves her big - ass transition bag on the deck at the end of the lane , and takes out her kickboard , pull buoy , flippers , and snorkel . She was in the water for ~ 20 minutes ( okay , maybe more . I wasn 't really paying attention to how long she was there , but she got in well after I had started my main set and got out before I was done ) . She does her laps , each with a different apparatus . When it comes to the snorkel / flippers set , she puts them on , pushes off the wall , and rockets her way to the other wall . Imagine this : she 's flippering her way down the lane , with her snorkel on , head down , with her arms at her side the entire time . It 's like a cartoon . Anyway . I think that 's why the time went quickly . But enough about her . I felt great . My times were not spectacular , and were slPosted by
|
Everything was great . Great location , great room , great staff , great view , great drinks , great price , etc . It was definitely the nicest looking hotel I 've stayed in . The contemporary style definitely made it better in my opinion . I did not get to check out the pool or gym on my stay but I 'm sure they were fabulous as well . I will DEFINITELY consider going back to this hotel in the future . There were only two things I wasn 't 100 % satisfied with . Within a minute of entering our room , someone came in the fix the chain on our window shade . Not a big deal . I 'm glad they did so I could use the shade , but I think it should have been done before we arrived . The other thing I wasn 't completely satisfied with was the water pressure in the shower . Again , not a big deal . I 'm just accustomed to my own shower 's water pressure . Neither were anything I 'd use to rate my experience lower . The air conditioner in my room did not work . The staff was not knowledgeable about the area . The parking situation is a bit scary if you are solo at night . You must park on the third level of a parking garage and then walk or ride the elevator and go through a short alley . Loved the modern look and feel to the rooms . There was a lot of " space " in only a 285 sq foot room . The location was easy enough to get to once we knew where to park . There was plenty of attractive stores and food experiences to enjoy . We didn 't get to go swimming during our stay , but did take a look and the pool appeared well maintained . I really liked the fact that they had hookups to the TV for HDMI cables , PC ports , AUX ports , as well as several others . This allowed us to hookup my laptop to the TV to watch a movie or Netflix in our room . The view from the top floor was enjoyable since we were able to watch the sunset . There was plenty of activity going on a Saturday night , but while in the room , none of the noise bothered us . The overall atmosphere was fresh and comfortable from the lounge area , to the bar , and the rooms . Either someone didn 't pay attention to the no smoking rule or something else stained part of the carpet . It wasn 't blatantly noticeable , but while we were exploring the room it did become apparent that the carpet had been previously damaged . The mini - refrigerator was most likely broken since it didn 't seem to keep item placed in there chilled , but again this is another minor maintenance issue . Until we actually found the parking structure for the hotel , there were few signs , either from the main street or inner streets , to direct us were to park . Since it had been our first time in the area , we probably seemed like confused tourist for the better part of 10 minutes trying to figure out where we could either unload to our room , or permanently park for the night . I do not enjoy the low pressure showers that hotels have and feel it is difficult to feel fully rinsed . Reviewed Aug 2014 7 . 1 From the moment we walked in we were greeted with great customer service , which continued thoughout the whole trip . The restaurants were all very good , the casino was fun and I didn 't lose any money ! There wasn 't much I didn 't like . I requested a microwave and never got one because they didn 't have any available . They instead paid for our breakfast at the diner , so it ended up alight . Reviewed Jul 2015 8 . 2 The staff treated us like guilty ID thieves . We were ID 'd every time we turned around . I was accused of not being myself . The lady called security to ID me again . It was relentless how they went out of their way to let us know who was in charge . I didn 't like Sheila at the casino . She was a horrible pit boss and should lose her job . Reviewed Mar 2015 4 . 5 Everything was ok room wise They charged my card 25dollars for no reason as a addtional charge . And never got a statement of how the cost was broke down for what . Not happy at all Large , clean , comfortable room . Love the view of the city . Close to food , jazz clubs , and crown center . Would definately recommend for a business trip or with the family . Nice , open bar with food . Reviewed Oct 2016 10 . 0 We received excellent rate through hotels . com . Location to power and light very close and they have a free shuttle . Charge for parking . Reviewed Dec 2014 6 . 0 Great Location . Easy access to many K . C . attractions . Pool was nice . High price , but little value . Bed was uncomfortable and noisy ( creaky , squeaky ) . Small TV . $ 16 a day for parking . $ 10 a day for wifi . No continental breakfast . The walkways that connect to places to eat , stores etc . the best about this hotel . And the lobby is nice . Lines to check in and out were long and slow . I suggest you sort lines . I had prepaid and booked and still had to stand in line to check - in for 20 minutes . Had to pay by day for WiFi . So we went to free wifi locations away from hotel . Should not have to pay for that in a hotel that charges per day what this one does . And the charge per day for parking again should at least be one fee per stay . Now for the worst part of our trip . We were put by elevator . And could hear the elevator every trip up and down . All day and night . Did not get a good nights sleep . So if you stay here make sure to ask for room away from elevator locations ! Reviewed Mar 2015 10 . 0 I loved this hotel . One of the nicest I 've ever stayed at . The staff was friendly and helpful , and the room was fantastic . Great view of downtown too . Reviewed Nov 2016 more reviews For the money , it was so much ! Great tub , shower , tile , just beautiful ! ! Staying again in a week ! Unknown resort fee at the end , oh well . I travel a lot and this was by far the best staff I 've ever come across they are all about customer survice . We stayed three nights and was treated like family . On our second night there the staff knew us by name . It 's enjoyable to know that they take the time to better understand and take notice in their guests One thing I didn 't like is having to pay for WiFi . If I 'm paying to stay I should be able to connect to the WiFi for free but if this is all I can complain about it was well worth the stay The tub was nice and deep and the bed was pretty comfy . It was a very convenient distance from the casino floor . The mat in the bathtub was disgusting and when I stepped into the shower I discovered a romantic message from a previous guest , so while the shower didn 't look dirty , I doubt it had actually been cleaned . We selected a smoking room so I was expecting smoke stink , but was a bit unprepared for just how bad it was . Pretty poor sound proofing too . We had a lamp that didn 't work and a busted light switch . Overall the price did not match what I expect from a junior suite . Friendliness of the staff . Cleanliness of the rooms . Beds were extremely comfortable . Group of pre - teen boys running up and down the hallway , screaming and banging on doors in the middle of the night . Very close to the Sprint Center . Comfortable beds and clean rooms . I was very satisfied and would stay there again . Reviewed Apr 2010 by Anonymous 6 . 0 The staff ( Jason C ) was stellar in his front desk service upon our arrival . This is the third time he has checked me in and every time he has been at the front desk at my check in , he nails it . That guy represents Wyndham on a very high level . Too bad that he is still at the front desk . He is one that needs to be presented an opportunity to grow . He is a reason for our return multiple times . I was in building 6 , room 262 . The room was poorly , poorly painted . It looked as if someone painted it blinded folded . The walls were not clean . The room was not indicative of any Wyndham location I have been on . I have stayed at this location a few times . This is the only time I have seen it in this condition . Not to mention a huge hole in the driveway on the backend of the property . Not happy with my visit . Interiors desperately need remodeling . Needs all new bed linens . ALL hotels have upgraded their sheets , blankets , pillows , towels . This property is stuck in the 80 's ! ! Old style furniture , room too small for king size bed , old tired look and feel . Upgrade or lose customers ! Reviewed Aug 2015 10 . 0 My wife and I have stayed here many different times on the short getaway vacations over long weekends . We were just here in March and then again this weekend . Things have gradually changed over the last three years . Our favorite little place to stay is in need of some maintenance issues . To start with , when I checked in on Sunday there was no air conditioning in the lobby and breakfast area . they commented that it would be repaired Monday . It was not when we left on Wednesday morning . Our room when first entering we noticed a lamp had a busted lampshade and the curtains were slightly opened like someone was just recently in the room . During our three day stay we only received made service one time . The grounds around the building are starting to show need of care because weeds are beginning to grow in the rock Areas . I tried to open one of the grills near our room in the lid fell off and look to be in need of repair for the igniter . We would have liked to have swim but the water was so cloudy from over chlorinating and lack of cleaning it should 've been turned into the health department and closed . Our breakfast in the morning 's were less than accommodating with tables that were not being cleaned after use . Residents were forced to drink juice and coffee from the small pancake batter cups because no one couldn 't find any coffee cups or water glasses to replace them at 8 AM . I know this sounds like I 'm being very picky but I normally do not write reviews . I just hope this will help other travelers , Also these items were brought to the attention of a manager on Monday morning but very little was done to correct any of the issues , I don 't know what is going on but it 's not the great little place we 've enjoyed in the past and probably will not return sadly . See you do you previous spot of my review Reviewed Jun 2016 9 . 7 Great location in downtown Kansas City . Nice lobby area with full service bar . Large menu served until after midnight ( Saturday night ) and the food was really good . Waited in line for about 30 minutes to check into room . Only 2 staff at front desk . Large luxury suite with a great view . Friendly staff and great room service selection . Close to the plaza and offers a shuttle service . Room should have included info on restaurant , pool , gym hours and other hotel amenities . Also should include a safe . Indoor pool and spa could use an update ( paint faded in spa ) . Reviewed Jan 2016 4 . 8 The madatory inconvenient valet parking that was not disclosed until I physically pulled in . Totally my trip not worth whIle for the get away I planned . The renovation made hotel stay beyond unpleasant and unconfortable . The upchage for absolutely everything considering what wasn 't available due to renovating was undesirable . I would not come back there again for these reasons and will definitely share my experience to my friends and business travalers . I think anyone staying there during this " renovation " should be compensated in someway for the checking into that . I 'm sure they also were not told the condition of the establishment and was as surprised as I was at arrival and check in . Reviewed Jun 2016 10 . 0 The hotel was really clean and comfortable . The staff was friendly . That I had to pay to get my car parked . I couldn 't park it myself . When I tried to get my car from the valet I had to wait 45 min to an hour before I got my car brought out . Need better parking and valet service . Reviewed Aug 2016 8 . 8 Love this hotel for many reasons - great rooms ( recently updated ) , coffee shop on lobby level , good service . Great concierge lounge too ! I didn 't realize until this visit that there is a restaurant on the second floor - it 's fairly hidden and I don 't recall the front desk telling me about it . Reviewed Apr 2016 more reviews Location was perfect , walking distance to sprint center , many restaurants and downtown area . The decor and appearance was classy and elegant and view was outstanding . Expensive parking $ 14 for one night Location and cleanliness was great . They do have a shuttle to take you places within 3 miles but it want not operating during my stay because of staffing problems . Staff was courteous and helpful . I did like the restaurant or their menu . It is a lost opportunity . No draft beer . It 's a lovely location and with the right menus and bar snacks , this place could be hopping . It was empty on super bowl Sunday ; it 's a shame . Reviewed Feb 2017 more reviews The Sheraton up held the reputation of a very service friendly and classy hotel for minimal price . Lobby , rooms , and service were all excellent . There was a wedding group staying on the same floor which caused a bit of noise prior to and later following the reception . I really didn 't bother due to the nature of the event that happened but doors were quite thin . . . Lobby bar and breakfast staff were excellent ! No longer have valet parking , garage narrow , dark . Even though we were paying $ 170 plus for room weren 't able to claim points because we booked using Expedia ! When we checked in room was very small , we 've stayed here several times so we know the room sizes , & warm . Turned the air down & left for the evening . When we returned thought it was still warm , turned air to 60 . Woke during night because it was warm . When I looked out window next morning realized the window was open several inches , causing the warm & humid room ! ! Room was never vacuumed during stay , linens were grayish not white , I have pictures . Remote didn 't work . All in all I was very disappointed since I was the one to reserve the rooms for a reunion . We stayed here in 2009 and everything was wonderful , not this time . I felt this was a Sheraton ! It was a good sized room with more space than I expected . It was very comforable too . The room was clean when I arrived , but when I came back after a long day of work , houskeeping never cleaned the room . The bed was unmade & the bathroom was a mess . The staff was very pleasant to us during out stay , we were on our honeymoon . They even gave us wine and some comped drink tickets to the hotel bar . Overall the facilities were great and we would probably stay their again . We had called down to get some plates and silverware to use to eat some of our leftovers from dinner , 45 minutes later I had to call down again since we still hadn 't received anything , they were then delivered by two security guards not even hotel staff . The gentleman at the front desk was very apologetic to us about having to wait that long . We arrived late around 11 : 00 p . m . and was directed to our room . When opening the room we were smothered by heat , apparently someone left the heat on high in early September ? Also I notice that the luggage rack was out and the bed was ruffled as if someone had been on the bed . I called the service desk and they moved us to a new room , that room the bedroom televlision was not working , but instead of calling down immediately I waited until the next morning and mentioned it to the hotel clerk also one of the keys was not working . Returning that evening the television still was not working and I tried to place a call to the service desk and the phones were also not working , therefore I had to walk down to the desk to report the problems . This was a get away for us as our second baby is due in 2 months . Grandma stayed with our oldest and we enjoyed the whirlpool in the room . Reviewed Apr 2015 8 . 5 Pretty nice rooms , nice property , very conveniently located near plaza shopping area , free Wifi , free breakfast - and not just some fruit and cereal . They had a gourmet breakfast every morning that included eggs , cereal , fruit , hash browns , a waffle station , etc . Staff was very friendly . Parking kind of sucked . We had to find a spot on the street the first night . Reviewed Jul 2015 10 . 0 Location is convenient to the Plaza , Westport , and downtown . Room was nice . Staff was helpful . It was perfect for my needs . They are in the midst of updating , but I was not inconvenienced and did not notice any problems with noise . It seems like an older hotel ( compared the Marriott one block away ) . But it was clean and fair exchange for the price . Only a half mile from a ton of restaurants . Close to downtown , but not in the center of downtown . No dislikes . Great hotel The Staff there was really helpful , great location to go to the Plaza , or Westport 10 minutes walking time they have a shuttle if you are not into walking , or even the metro bus is right outside take you straight to power and light , or plaza . The rooms were very clean as well relaxing , and everything you needed was there . place is very secure at nights . oh the room the breakfast was awesome Blueberry waffles , among all your other stuff for breakfast ! I will defiantly stay there again recommend as well to ever need a room for the night in K . C . Props to the girl who works at nights help me unlock my rooms restroom door that locked by itself . The rooms restroom doors have locks , that can lock you out ? but the staff got it unlock quickly . Oh my goodness ! From the moment we stepped out of the car and walked through the beautiful secluded garden patio , to the moment we stepped in the door and were greeted and invited to enjoy free margaritas - the staff did everything to ensure our stay was wonderful . Upgraded room for free - plus we returned from dinner to find a bottle of champagne chilling with a note from the staff wishing us a Happy Anniversary . Wonderful breakfast - close walking distance to the Art Museum and The Plaza . We will be coming back here again ! Reviewed Jun 2016 7 . 4 We stayed at the Spa Room and the Jacuzzi was wonderful . Paid way too much for the value of our experience . Both hotel clerks were ditzy , locking us out of our room and the lobby several times . I called 3 different times that night before arrival to verify availability and features and every time it was a different story even though it was the same clerk . They had extremely loud maintenance at 8am with hammers and drills right next to our room that went on till we left at 11 . I read on reviews that the breakfast was disappointing and they were right . . . It was very basic and very low quality considering you paid for a $ 170 room . I thought the robes would be better quality as well , but it looks like they came from the dollar store . The highlight of this visit was that it was right near the Plaza and we enjoyed the Jacuzzi . Everything else was disappointing . Great location . Friendly staff . Nice breakfast . Comfortable bed . Free wifi . Housekeeping wasn 't the greatest . Didn 't even pick up all of our used towels the first day . But , all the staff I interacted with were very nice and helpful . Reviewed Jul 2015 8 . 2 This hotel has the makings of a great place to stay . We really enjoyed the backyard courtyard . It 's a nice green space surrounded by all the city concrete . The staff were wonderful , helpful , and very nice . The breakfast was amazing and I probably didn 't pay enough for that aspect of the stay . The lobby definetely needs work , but I would only be fair to mention it is currently under renovation . We also were stuck in the elevator for about 15 minutes after just arriving at the hotel . They 've added a fee for wi - fi and the hotel continues to age without much maintenance . Stains on the carpet , very limited but expensive food and restaurant options , lamps with torn shades . . . just a general , unwelcomed decline . My last time at this property . Nice bathrooms and comfortable spacious rooms . I did not like the stain on one of my mattresses and didn 't like that wifi had a fee . Not trying to pay for internet when it 's costly already . The room was spacious , clean , and the beds are sooooo comfortable ! ! ! The shower is simply amazing , it was probably my favorite . Being that 's it 's a casino it was a little out of the way , but well worth the extra driving time . I booked a king - size room for our first anniversary . We waited for 15 minutes while the concierge tried to find our reservation , and while I stood there it sounded like a lot of guests were unhappy with aspects of their rooms . The other employees at the front desk appeared unsure how to do their job or accommodate any requests . Finally The woman at the front desk took my phone to look at my registration and sent us on our way . She did so without mentioning anything about my original reservation being changed . We went to the room and saw that instead of one king size there were two double beds . Usually I would not get upset at this , but this was supposed to be a special weekend . I also feel the concierge should have been upfront that our room was changed . I went back down and she told me even though I made a reservation for a king and it stated that on my confirmation page I could not make a reservation for a certain kind of room , only ' request ' , and they only had double beds available . The staff was very frustrating and deceptive ; if your job is hospitality then you should be upfront when you are overbooked and do your best rectify the situation , not hope that your costumer is fine with not getting what they have paid for . Reviewed Jun 2016 10 . 0 Luxury rooms . Lots of restaurants . $ 9 . 95 / $ 14 . 95 charge per day for internet . No complementary breakfast . Reviewed Sep 2016 5 . 0 The location was very nice . Room service was decent . The hotel reeked of smoke . Even when we went to the NON smoking buffet . . . it still smelled really bad throughout the hotel . Also , the buffet was really bad quality for food . I had to order room service later that night because I could barely stomach the food options at the buffet . The hotel itself was comfortable and our room was clean and accommodating . It was my third visit to the hotel and every time it 's been a lovely experience . The smoke from the casino hits you like a wave the second you walk into the building . It 's a bit over powering . The impression given is either the casino is behind the time in it 's acceptable of smoking indoors or it 's ventilation system isn 't functioning properly . The night clerk was very bubbly and friendly on check in and was helpful in helping me figure out how to get to the wifi . There should have been a better explanation in the room literature on how to access the internet from the room . It still refers to a data port on the phone , which is a bit outdated now . The beds were extremely comfortable . The pillows were so soft , too . I would go back just for the beds . The staff were also very very friendly ! There wasn 't anything I didn 't like . It was very nice , honestly . : ) Staff were very helpful upon check - in . Bartender and wait staff at the restaurant / bar were fun and helpful . We enjoyed sitting at the bar talking to them . We loved the balcony in our room . Enjoyed the no smoking aspect of the hotel . Beds and pillows were too soft . The shower did not drain correctly so in the shower you had to stand in dirty water . Room AC was not very cold . Reviewed Jun 2015 7 . 0 nice , clean , and comfortable . Walking distance to the ball park . Overall a very nice place to stay . after checking in and getting to our room we discovered the a / c was leaking water and the corner of the rooms carpet was wet . We called the front desk at 3pm had to leave at 5 : 30 with no response . Got back to the hotel around 10 : 30pm still had nothing done about the a / c . went to the front desk and they had to move us to another room . The front desk employee said the would refund half of our cost for the room but that did not happen . Reviewed Sep 2014 5 . 0 Close to arrowhead The hot water served tasted like coffee . The bar / eating had real poor service and took evening help forever to serve you both days and they was not busy . The breakfast food was cold . Taco John was faster next door to get waited on . For $ 180 a night the soap dispenser in shower was not filled . For money I would stay at Drury Inn down road with free breakfast and evening free drinks and food . Best selling point is the location to the sports complex . The facility was clean . It was a nice place to stay but exception . I would stay there again . Reviewed Sep 2015 4 . 5 The second room was cleaner and bug free at least . Where to begin , I am not one to complain but i have had better experience 's at a $ 40 . 00 a night budget motel . Hidden driveway . no adequate parking or place to park to check in , Rooms smelt stale and had roaches in it , the bath tub in 2 rooms would not drain or drained extremely slow , The pool had no entry or exit steps , just a ladder . There was breakfast offered , but they wanted over $ 11 . 00 per person for some buffet scrambled eggs and cold cereal . The beds were hard as a rock . the noise from the lobby echoed throughout the hotel and down the halls . when i called to ask why the lobby was so noisy as i had a 7 year old trying to sleep . i was told quiet hours were after 11 : 00pm . Reviewed Jun 2016 6 . 2 Close to the ballpark , easy to park the moving truck , easy to find off the interstate . Would recommend this place for anyone moving across the country who only has a short stay in KCMO . Good BBQ for dinner then a royals game . Great for dogs too Dirty linens . No continental breakfast . Very Spartan / basic hotel . Best for adults who care more about being able to drink and walk to the game or get on and off I70 quickly than for families The access to highway and eatery 's The beds were to small the sink leaked and toilet took a long time to flush the lower level is were the put us and it felt like it . The security door to parking lot was broken . I told a staff and they said they have been working on it for a couple of weeks now . That really concerned me anyone could just walk in with no security surveillance . Front desk gave us all vouchers for free cover to get into the Power and Light district ( worth $ 10 each ) and vouchers for free cover for two of the bars within it . No refrigerator or microwave in room . Expensive parking . Reviewed Jul 2016 10 . 0 Historic hotel in the heart of downtown Kansas City , close to numerous restaurants and sights , this hotel kept the old charm with nice updares to meet today 's traveler . I actually ordered some cookies when I returned late from Insomnia Cookies , they delivered fresh , warm goodness . Overall the hotel is nice , clean and the showers provide nice pressure which I find less likely these days and a welcomed surprise when shampooing my thick head of hair . I was traveling for work , but I could see how it could also be a nice romantic getaway as well . Reviewed Mar 2017 7 . 0 It was very close to point of interest . It also had a great bathroom ! The bed and pillows were extremely comfortable . The room was a smaller than I expected . After a bad storm and no power there were 350 people all trying to check in at 4 pm . The Staff was amazing in the service they provided to many irate guest . Michelle and staff did an amazing job during a stressful time . The Hotel as a whole needs to be torn down and re built . The rooms were extremely outdated , mold on the ceiling tiles in the room , no hot water , bugs in the blinds , NO air conditioning at all , very poor over all quality for spending $ 250 for one night because of a concert being in town . Reviewed Jun 2015 8 . 2 The waterpark sounded fun , but the tickets did not come with your room ( however , pool was closed , so asked for free watepark tickets . . . ) . . . . the exercise room was nice and big and was kept clean . I was pleased with that the most . We first walked into the room and there was a huge stain on the floor , paint chipping off the ceiling , and dust bunnies collecting all over the ceiling . I went to the bathroom and found long black hair in our Kleenex box , on top of toilet and 1 on the shower curtain , as well as fake eye lashes by the hot water handle on the sink . Also bummed there was no fridge ! ! We let it go that night , but next morning I said something to the supervisor . She never offered a discount and made it seem as if it were normal for some of the stains in the room . Also - we had no clue what the neighborhood was like . It 's not exactly a " friendly " neighborhood - lots of run down homes and every night we came back , we had to park in the " excess " parking lot where it was darker . . . . and you had to walk around the entire building to get in . There was no back entrance . The next morning we checked out and I said something . We were asked for free breakfast . . . . but we were on the go , so he ended up taking $ 33 off our total bill . I would have been much happier with 1 night for free , but we just accepted the $ 33 discount and left saying we 'd never stay here again . . . I asked for a couple waters when I checked in and they were happy to give me them . The fitness room was good and was open 24 hours . The staff was snotty . The rooms and hallways were not as clean as they should have been . Very disappointing from a Holiday Inn The hotel appearance upon arrival was nice and clean . The gentlemen there when we arrived was kind and helpful . The beds were the WORST ! As were the pillows . Was supposed to have a microwave but didn 't . The rooms were so warm - even with the air down to 60 . Indoor pool door was jammed shut so we couldn 't swim . However , the man at the counter gave us tickets to the water park - which was okay but super warm and heavy - but suppose it 's supposed to be ? Had to get ice from the market because the 2 floors I was sent to to get ice , the machines weren 't working . A few more petty things . . Not a fan of the hotel : ( The hotel was great . The staff was pleasant and eager to please . When we arrived , there was no record of our reservation . If I hadn 't brought along my printed receipt I don 't know that we would have gotten a room at all . Not the best start to our stay , but after the issue was resolved we truly enjoyed ourselves . Nothing Front desk was rude . Notified them of no heat in our room , they told us to pretty much deal with it . Reviewed Feb 2016 9 . 4 Love the proximity to Kauffman Stadium , and the water park Coco Keys . Half of the games in the arcade didn 't work , no ice machine on our floor , pop vending machines only take credit cards and it malfunctioned on our floor , no free breakfast in the am , staff weren 't very helpful or welcoming . Reviewed Jun 2017 more reviews I enjoyed the decor , since I had not been there for many years , and I was not disappointed . Also , the updated technology , hdtv , desk , computer plug - in etc . was impressive . Being a woman of medium height , I did not like the shower head ; it was not moveable , not hand - held . I did not wish to get my hair wet , so I was forced to take a bath . Also , there was not a shower cap . I suppose I could have called and asked for one , but I was not aware of this until it was too late . Fast check - in . Very clean room , beds were comfortable . Good price for one night stay . Had to call twice for the shuttle to pick us up at the airport . It took about 45 minutes . Being remodeled so the restaurant looked like a temorary set up with a some square bare tables and an electric food server on the counter . The " bar " was a ledge near the lobby with 2 beer taps and not a soul in site . Places to eat were about 5 miles down the highway . Reviewed Nov 2014 7 . 4 Airport pickup and close to airport They charged me $ 25 to check in early as I needed to change clothes for my business meeting . They did not mention that had I waited 20 minutes there would be no charge . ' Company policy ' , the refuge of cowards . Comfortable bed and bedding ! Clean , attractive rooms , close to a good amount of things , yet not right on a busy road Rooms not overly family friendly . No fridge , not a lot of towels , bathroom door didn 't lock ( broken ) , wifi cost extra . Reviewed Aug 2015 8 . 5 Clean , friendly staff , like the low key location in Overland Park . They must have oiled the parking lot to make it shine more . That with some December frost made it very slick in the morning . My 5 year old fell and twisted her ankle . I simply cannot complain about the price , locale ( incredibly quiet when you consider its just South of 435 ) , and the overall decor of the hotel / rooms . To be honest it contends with higher priced hotels in many regards . Unfortunately you can never please everyone in every aspect , especially when it comes to comfort , and sadly the bed and choice of pillows weren 't to my fancy but hey , those are purely subjective . My only other " complaint " if you will , is that it seemed rather odd the room didn 't have a microwave in it when it literally had every other amenity you could want / need . Reviewed Feb 2016 8 . 0 Convenient location , affordably priced . Urine on floor , bugs in bathroom , Unemptied trash from previous guest , and pool closed with no info - which is a problem if you told your three year old you would have a pool party overnight . Front desk was chaos at check in and check out , and no one bothered to inquire if we enjoyed our stay or had any issues . Reviewed Jun 2016 5 . 1 The staff were wonderful ! The rooms were not looking clean at all . Granted it was a pet friendly room , but they were smelly . HUGE stain in the bath tub . The water did not drain well in the sink nor in the bath tub . Made for a very uncomfortable shower experience . Just overall EXTREMELY disappointed with this Hyatt Place . I would have expected that at a lower rated hotel , not the Hyatt ! ! Bed and pillows were horrible . Still have pain in my back 2 days later . Breakfast serving area wasn 't clean . Slow to bring fresh food the last 20 minutes of breakfast . Began taking down breakfast before scheduled time . It was like the guy was racing , or late for an appointment . Reviewed Dec 2016 8 . 0
|
Posted by redgatefarm under Animals , Faith and Life Lessons , Farm Life , General Family Life , Goats 1 Comment The way I see it , there are two kinds of nightmares … the kind that are so intense you wake up screaming and terrified to the point you can 't sleep again , and then the kind that are just bad enough to give you a restless night , put you in a bad mood the next day , but not really intense enough to wake you . Our week has been akin to the latter . I had trouble posting this week , as I hate posting negative things , but I might as well summarize … . . It all started 2 Sundays ago , when a neighbor called to report a doe in labor and having trouble . At some point during her labor , the kid 's foot had punctured her uterus . I theorized this when , exploring for another kid in there , I felt my hand go through a hole and I could feel her intestine . Her contractions had stopped with the kid still in the canal . I barely managed to pull and save the kid , but the doe quickly went downhill over the next 24 hours . The owner asked my hubby to shoot her , and we cut her open afterward to confirm our suspicions . Sure enough , not only was the uterus torn wide open , but mucus , tons of amniotic - type fluid , and afterbirth material was all floating around in her abdominal cavity . The kid seems to be doing OK , though it has definitely had a rough start . Although it wasn 't my doe , and while I am thankful the kid survived ( so far ) , it wasn 't exactly a welcome start to kidding season this year for us . Two days later , we had the final buyer - inspection of our property - the leech field . The test resulted in finding what they thought was a clogged line , possibly frozen ( our ground freezes about 5 feet down around here ) . The next morning , the job that was supposed to be a fairly quick and simple , $ 400 repair turned into the discovery a failing leech field ( still drained , but apparently very impressive that it was supporting our family of 7 ) . Without replacement , it would cost us our home contract , as the buyers couldn 't get a loan ( and we certainly wouldn 't want to sell them a lemon anyway ) . It suddenly turned into a permit - requiring , almost $ 4000 repair . Due to what was involved in the whole day 's diagnostics , we were forced into MAJOR water restrictions here at the house . It has been tempting to go live in a hotel , but we do kind of have the issue of about 30 animals that need milking or otherwise caring for . In the mean time , I have been letting the kiddos hang out at the neighbors a lot , so they can flush their toilets instead of ours . The next day , we received the Inspection Objection letter from the buyers - the letter that makes all their requests for repairs and such to the house in order to proceed with the contract . Nothing major , other than the septic ( which we already knew ) , but it gave us a headache anyway . The next morning ( Friday ) , the county inspector came out to give the pre - inspection so we could get the permit . During his questioning of our home followed by his inspection , it turns out that when the previous owners finished our basement , they didn 't bring everything up to code . We had to not only replace the leach field , but also to upgrade the septic tank itself . He gave us permission to add a 250 - gallon tank to the already existing one . Once the contractor did the research though ( and we trust him ) , they didn 't make the type of tank we needed in 250 gals . Thus , we suddenly found ourselves paying for a 1 , 000 - gallon tank upgrade . The job that started out as under $ 500 was quickly approaching $ 10 , 000 , AND it HAD to be done by mid - April . AND our trailer is due in any day now , and we have to pay for that . So , we went through our finances . I do have to say , God has blessed us financially over the years . Considering we are a single - income family , with a military working man ( meaning he makes about half of what his civilian co - workers do for the same job ) , we have lived quite frugally for a number of years . We have tithed as the Bible commands , and given above and beyond that whenever possible . I firmly believe God blesses such efforts , and it is times like this when a nest - egg is very comforting . It may not be the way we want to spend our hard - earned and often sacrificially - saved money , but at least we have it and don 't have to go into massive debts at times like this . For that , I am very thankful . I won 't go into much detail , but over the course of the next couple days , we began working with the realtor on the contract objection issues . One of the major issues was the fact that in the original contract , the house was being sold as - is so we didn 't have to sink a bunch of time and money into it . In addition , the buyers wanted to close early , and we were going to lease it back for a month until we moved . We were OK with that , and the terms we agreed to . We just had no idea that the septic issue would come up . There was a possibility , we could no longer pay their requested rental amount . We also realized for the first time that we had nothing official assuring us of a rent contract after closing , so technically speaking , they could dump us out on the street ( not that we thought they would - just a worst - case scenario since we don 't know them ) . We began talking to the buyers ' agent , asking if we could meet with them personally to discuss and come to an agreement we could all live with . We tried to push the date of closing back . Finally , the agent requested we send him a proposed rental contract . The whole thing was very frustrating , and just another big headache . Again , though , that part at least seems to be working itself out at this point . Just as I was accepting circumstances as they were , yesterday arrived . I fed the goats in the morning , and everything was fine . I went out for an early - afternoon check of everybody , and Joy was clearly in labor . She wasn 't due for another week . She had every sign of labor , but her ligaments were still in tact . My gut told me this was not a good thing . Long story , short , I believe she was head - butted by Latte ( herd - queen ) , which caused part of the placenta to tear away from the uterus ( it was wrapped around the kid ) , popped the amniotic sac ( kid had no lubrication and was only a bit damp when born ) , and caused her to miscarry . Not only that , but it was the most gorgeous doeling I have ever had - already dead . I had felt it moving in Joy 's belly just the evening before , so I know it was alive and well then . So , my kidding season has started off with a bang too . Now , I am trying to salvage what I can , and at least help Joy get her milk in . She was supposed to be my milker for a couple months so I can start drying up Latte , who is due to deliver in 6 weeks . She only gave me about 1 / 2 cup this morning , though , so I have no idea what to expect at this point . At least she is eating , but I don 't think she delivered the entire placenta , so now I have to give her a 10 - day regimen of vitamin C to help prevent infection . Starting this afternoon , we are on minimal - to - no water usage restrictions for the septic work . My kids are being sent to the neighbors for 24 hours of it , and S and I will get to live very primitively for a couple days until we get through it . Once again , though , I continually remind myself how blessed we are to have friends and neighbors that have been willing to come forward and really help us out . Because of the kidding / pasture situation , a neighbor is letting us put the donkeys in their large field . Friends are caring for our children as their own , and truly we are blessed even in this time of difficulties . I admit , though , I am praying for no more surprises . After all , in 2 days , I an scheduled to fly back to Red Gate for my trip . " 2 My brethren , count it all joy when you fall into various trials , 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience . 4 But let patience have its perfect work , that you may be perfect and complete , lacking nothing . 5 If any of you lacks wisdom , let him ask of God , who gives to all liberally and without reproach , and it will be given to him . 6 But let him ask in faith , with no doubting , for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind . " - James 1 : 2 - 8 NKJV Posted by redgatefarm under Farm Life , General Family Life , Military Life Leave a Comment Today is exactly 9 weeks to move day . Still a ways , but lots to do . I have really been packing things that aren 't needed for a while . I have started putting our furniture on Craigslist , as we are selling several large items before we move . As a result , my bookshelf ( which is for sale ) is looking bare , the canning shelves are beginning to look sparse since we are starting to use up foods , one freezer has been turned off after we combined everything that remained into the other freezer , most of the surplus bee hives and supplies has been sold , and boxes are starting to pile up in our designated box room ( formerly our family closet ) . School is starting to wind down as well . The kids are on lesson 143 out of 170 , so just a few weeks left . The remaining meat is being rationed , so we are eating lots of smoothies , veggies when available , and eggs since the hens are laying well . Five of the hens will be going to a new home sometime next week , and then the following week , the remaining 15 will all be tested for pyllurom typhoid , as required for inter - state travel . Yesterday , my final goat supply order from Hoegger 's arrived , which contained 2 hay - bags for the trailer . Speaking of which , the trailer should be arriving sometime in the next 2 weeks , so that is very exciting . We did have a hold up on the sale of the house . The final inspection , our leach field , wound up failing . Guess we now know why it backed up on S while I was gone last year ! Now we are on very tight water restrictions to avoid filling the septic tank until they get the leach field replaced . I also have to limit the animals ' exercise while their pasture is torn up with exposed pipes . I leave next week for my trip to Red Gate for last minute projects . I will be getting the stalls and barn ready for the animals to be unloaded the night we arrive ( probably around midnight ) , the garden area readied , the carpets and all air vents and duct work professionally cleaned , and if I have time , I will also do some painting in the master bedroom . While I am gone , Joy , my first freshener doe is due to deliver . Now , we all know how things here on the homefront went during my trip last year , so you can imagine my anxiety on this one . If you weren 't reading back then , you can catch up here with Part 1 and Part 2 . Upon my return , we have the final appraisal on the house , and hope to know for sure within a week of that whether the sale will go through . On April 5th , we have a big therapy appointment for A and N , essentially our last hope for help in dealing with their multiple issues ( A more so than N ) . That will be followed by getting some issues with the van repaired , multiple doctor and dentist appointments , prescription refills , getting the animals comfortable with the trailer , some batch cooking for frozen dinners for the move week , a yard sale , and final packing . Due to several " kinks " that have presented in our plans , we are still finalizing our actual move plans … I think we are on " Plan F " about now … . but the current plan is looking more solid all the time . Posted by redgatefarm under Cleaning , General Family Life , Organization Leave a Comment My husband has this crazy idea that garages are designed for parking your vehicles in . Imagine that . I guess the idea is to protect the expensive automobile investment from things like weather and other outdoor dangers . Of course , in order to do so , you have to limit the clutter stored in the garage , and I suppose that 's always a good thing . In any case , we bought our new ( to us ) truck just over a month ago , and S had to find a way to fit it in the garage . We generally don 't store items we don 't use , so clutter isn 't a big problem . Our 2 - car garage is , however , already home to 2 chest freezers , our minivan , all animal and bee supplies except hay ( since we don 't have a barn ) , all our bulk groceries , S 's tools and mini - workshop , and the family bicycles . This didn 't leave a whole lot of room for a full - size pick - up truck . S was determined , though , and this was the end result : Where there 's a will , there is always a way ! ! Getting into and out of the truck just helps encourage me to stay on the thin side myself ! Mind you , the minivan is our primary vehicle , and we don 't drive the truck a whole lot at this point . That makes things a little easier for the time being . I 'm hoping our next garage will be a bit more spacious though ! Posted by redgatefarm under Farm Life , General Family Life , Large Family , The Simple Life [ 2 ] Comments We have serious issues with clothing , socks in particular . It 's not for lack of purchasing new socks , or insufficient supply of hand - me down socks . It 's more an issue of having 5 children who couldn 't care less how they look , who live on a farm and play hard , who would prefer to be barefoot , or at least shoeless most of the time , and who are notorious for losing their good socks and somehow managing to keep up with only the ones that have seen better days ( perhaps they are throwing the good ones in the trash ? ) . In any case , as we sat down for some family time last night , I couldn 't help but notice my children 's feet : 4 - yr - old A , wearing socks that appear a little too big for him , but otherwise OK . Notice the shirt collar he has stretched out though . Also , notice S 's work - around - the - farm pants , which consist of patches and duct tape . 6 - yr - old M , wearing one normal sock and one sock that clearly should 've been trashed weeks ago . Then again , at least , she has a sock on each foot … . . and one to spare , apparently , hanging under one foot . I have no idea where that came from . Maybe it 's N 's ? 4 - yr - old N , wearing one sock . He had two on the last time I saw him . Amazingly , it totally disappeared somewhere between when I saw him upstairs , and when he arrived at the couch downstairs . In addition to socks , I have had some realizations lately . When a parent has one or two children , and their clothes begin to look like rags , the cause is clearly understood to be " kids will be kids ! " It seems to be widely accepted that children can be hard on clothes , wear them out quickly , mismatch , and lose them on a regular basis . I noticed , however , that somewhere between child 3 and 5 , this accepted norm turned into pity for the " large family with too many kids and can 't afford to dress them . " In fact , a great example is a few months ago when we were scheduled to have family portraits done . We chose the white - shirt and jeans attire , and I went out and bought brand new white shirts for everyone . I kept them in the store bag , knotted tightly and high up on a shelf where no little hands could touch them , until the morning of the photos . After the kids ate breakfast , I carefully washed their hands and faces , dressed them , and immediately put light coats on and zipped them up snuggly , in hopes of preventing anything from getting on those shirts . We arrived at the outdoor photo shoot ( red rocks equal red rock dust , ftr ! ) and forbid the children to touch any of the rocks , lest they transfer rock dust to their white shirts . Finally , I positioned the kiddos , removed their coats , and we took the photos . Then , within an hour , N had a nose bleed - you guessed it , all over his brand new shirt ! ! Just recently , I once again had an offer for some hand - me downs . Now , don 't get me wrong , I LOVE hand - me downs , thrift stores , department store clearances , and yard sale clothing . Kids ( shoot , even me for that matter ! ) go through clothes so fast , it 's ridiculous to buy new clothes all the time . However , I do happen to take some pride in the appearance of myself and my children . I prefer clothes that have no holes or stains or tears , especially when going out somewhere publicly . On occasion , one of the children slips past my inspection though , and manages to get into a public place wearing their " play " clothes . I 'm sure that doesn 't help any with public perceptions . But , that 's life , and I do have bigger issues to worry about . I just find it interesting how , when I had one or two kiddos , people passed on clothes just to share and recycle . Nowadays , when someone offers hand - me - downs , they are often worn out already , full of stains , and being given to us because the previous owner ( often strangers we don 't know at all ) seems to pity our " situation " - whether they know anything about our situation or not . When I receive a new bag of used clothing , I often spend a significant amount of time sorting through ( often smelly ) clothing , trying to find pieces that look half decent and wearable . Sometimes , I get a good batch ; other times , it is frustrating that someone would think we are so desperate as to need their junk cast - offs . Nonetheless , for now , I try to be appreciative in the hopes I can always save a few $ $ and find some diamond - in - the - rough clothes in that bag , in order to replace some worn - out jeans , lost socks , or other apparel that would suggest my children might be orphans . Posted by redgatefarm under Farm Life , General Family Life , The Simple Life Leave a Comment Yesterday , another blizzard moved in - our third in two weeks . It actually didn 't snow all that much , maybe 5 inches for us , but out where there are no trees ( most of eastern CO ) , the winds got up to 50 mph , with total white out conditions . There were several major accidents , including a 10 - car pile - up on the freeway last night . For us , nicely sheltered in the trees , we just got some breezes , frigid air , and frozen roads , just bitter enough we couldn 't play outside . It was perfect weather for baking cookies though ! Of course , the day after a blizzard is what really matters . Today was Sunday , and it was going to take S long enough to shovel that we were unable to make church . So , we had a little family worship time and then watched our former pastor in Las Vegas online - we always enjoy his convicting , dynamic , and very Biblical sermons ! After church , it was play time ! I baked some bread , S and M went to a friend 's house , and S took the boys out to teach them how to build snowmen . Posted by redgatefarm under Farm Life , Health Leave a Comment Milk … . it 's been around since the beginning of time . The Israelites were promised a land of milk and honey . Third world country citizens can have a lucrative and sustainable business through milk sales from milk provided by their animal . In America , when we think of " farm , " I think most of us would agree we picture the famous black - and - white Holstein dairy cow grazing out in the pasture . Milk is a nourishing liquid in its own right , created by God for sustenance of babies . Every mammal makes it , and you really can 't find another food source more pure and nutritious . First , farmers got the idea to bring the cows in from the fields and confine them in dairy dry lots ( which , in reality , turned into pens knee - deep in muck and manure ) . This introduced greater risk of contamination of the milk , so pasteurization became the key . By pasteurizing the milk , it really didn 't matter how the cows were housed or fed or cared for , how healthy they were , or whether they had a decent diet . Pasteurization allowed EVERYTHING in the milk to be killed . Sadly , this included not only the potentially bad organisms , but the good as well . Pasteurization became the norm , followed by homogenization . Then hormones and preventative antibiotics were added . Ultimately , the actual structure of milk began to change , and , as a result , people began suffering problems ultimately linked to milk . Lactose intolerance , ear infections , Crohn 's disease , allergies , asthma , diabetes , and many other conditions have frequently been linked , at least in part , to the consumption of this new , treated , milk . As if that wasn 't bad enough , though , now companies are seeking FDA approval to add aspartame to your child 's milk . Yup , you read that right . Aspartame , the horrible chemical - based , artificial sweetener that has so often been linked to migraines in adults , and ADHD , autism , and many other brain issues in developing children . The theory is that adding it to milk will sweeten the milk , and encourage children to drink more . As a Type 1 diabetic , I grew up on the stuff . Then , I began having horrible headaches which I linked to my diet sodas . Not long after , I learned just how horrible this sugar substitute was . As if it wasn 't bad enough in its own right , it actually affects the way the brain functions in such a way that the brain signals the body to CRAVE more sweets . Ever heard of the American obesity epidemic , and then wonder why so many in our population are puzzled by their obesity when they drink only diet soda ? Remember how the big companies slipped the pink slime secretly into your meat ? Now they are trying to ruin your milk . This is serious stuff , and the only folks who benefit in any way from the use of aspartame are the companies who make it . Not only do they want to add it to milk , they are also petitioning the FDA for the right to NOT label the carton . That 's right . So if this passes , the next time you go to the store to buy some milk , you won 't have a clue if the aspartame is in it or not . Normally , the FDA requires some type of front label such as " low sugar , " " fewer calories , " or something to that effect to make the consumer aware that something about that product is different from the " standard " product . Not this time though . The label won 't look any different than any other milk … . . if there is any " other " milk . They will stock the store shelves with it , they will feed it to your children in the school cafeteria , and if / when your child is hospitalized from some unknown health issue that develops , they will require it to be served to your child in the hospital as part of a " balanced , pediatric diet . " Think I 'm joking ? Research it for yourself . Just think about the implications . Now , you may know that I am a huge raw milk advocate . It is because of the health issues our family experienced in the past . This includes some forms of lactose allergies and intolerance ( but the kiddos are fine on healthy , grass - fed , hormone - free , raw milk ) . So , perhaps you are now thinking , " Oh , maybe I 'll just switch to raw milk . " Not so fast ! Within hours of learning of this new FDA petition , I also learned that at least one state is trying to pass new legislation that essentially outlaws ANY AND ALL raw milk sales . Others are trying to outlaw herd share arrangements , and still others are busy physically shutting down and arresting raw milk producers . Raw milk is becoming harder and harder to find . What can you do about it ? One thing 's for sure … . don 't just sit there ! ! Contact your representatives through snail mail , e - mail , and phone calls . See if there are any protests going on in your area . Check into your state laws and any legislation currently trying to be passed . As far as this FDA thing goes , they are in the midst of a 45 - day window where they are considering the publics ' comments . So comment . Let your voice be heard . Be heard locally and nationally , and say " Enough is enough already ! ! " Whether you prefer raw or pasteurized milk , milk from a farmer or from a grocery store , it really doesn 't matter . This legislation WILL take away any right you have to make that choice . If you want your child to drink milk , he / she will only be able to drink what is legal - and that certainly doesn 't mean safe ! PLEASE , I implore you , act now . The FTCLDF is good place to start , as well as any info by the Weston A . Price group . You can look into the actual petition asking the FDA NOT to approve this aspartame in milk issue here . Posted by redgatefarm under Animals , Dogs and Cats , Farm Life Leave a Comment I can 't recall if I mentioned it previously , but for several months now , we have been considering and looking into getting a second livestock guardian dog ( LGD ) . Athena , our current girl is 19 months old . We absolutely adore her , and she has certainly earned her keep by protecting our goats and chickens from predators . In fact , we haven 't lost a single animal since she began patrolling . While neighbors have had bear and fox on a regular basis , I don 't think they even cross our property , based on the lack of footprints in the snow . We are convinced she even prevented the theft and possible murder of our goats one night by trouble - making people . In any case , she is still a pup and really needed a playmate to keep her from getting too rowdy with the goats . She has a bark she occasionally starts , which seems to be a " lonely " bark . I also kept wishing we had a second for when we move to Red Gate . No one has lived at Red Gate Farm for a couple years now , so the wildlife have really moved in . There are frequent sightings and sounds of bobcats , coyote , fox , raccoon , opossum , a resident eagle , hawks , owls , rats , you name it … In the last couple months , there have even been 2 sightings of cougar within 1 / 2 mile of the farm . While one dog will usually deter a cougar , one dog can be killed if the cougar is determined , but two stand a much better chance of surviving the fight . Then , 3 nights ago , a friend here in CO had her entire small herd of goats wiped out in one night be a single mountain lion ( ie cougar ) . They found the cougar hiding under a bush near the house the next morning - a massive beast at roughly 140 lbs . , and her daughters had just been out doing chores . That was the final convincing factor . We decided we wanted another dog to team up with Athena . After researching , it was clear that the ideal way to introduce an outsider , new LGD to a current LGD is to buy a young puppy . The current LGD doesn 't perceive a threat that way , and in fact , adopts and trains the new puppy . Unfortunately there were no puppies around . I found one litter due before we moved , but the pups were $ 500 each , and that was a bit out of our budget at the moment . I told S that my ideal would be another Athena , which convinced me to try getting in touch with her breeder . I couldn 't seem to reach him , though . I was almost out of options . I prayed about it , and on a whim the other night , decided to post an ad on Craigslist in her breeder 's town , explaining that I was trying to find this particular goat farmer 's breeding dogs to see if we could get another pup out of them . Almost immediately , I received a response to my ad . A woman in his town was a good friend of his , had gotten a pup from his last litter ( he only had 2 ) , after which the farmer had split up his breeding pair and moved out of state . Her female pup was now 12 months old , and had been raised in a very similiar manner as Athena . Due to some changes in her life and goals , the woman had been looking for a new home , and offered to GIVE her to us if we promised to take care of her . She liked the sound of her running free on our larger acreage back east . For us , it sounded like a perfect fit , except for the age . We drove down south this morning , a bit over an hour away , to take a look at her . I liked her , and she passed my personality tests with flying colors . We brought her home , having to stop once on the way to buy her a collar . She is quite a bit smaller than Athena , a lot more wooly and fluffy ( more like a Great Pyrenees ) , and I suspect , a bit overweight . The goat pen she grew up in didn 't allow for much exercise . I suspect the weight will drop off pretty quickly here , and I am hoping her coat is partly just puppy coat that hasn 't fully shed , and that her summer coat will be more like Athena 's . I spent yesterday afternoon trying to introduce the two dogs . Let 's just say that Athena is REALLY good at protecting " her " herd , and had no intention of letting this outsider join them . Fortunately , the younger pup is quite submissive so far , so I 'm hoping she will continue to be so , in which case , it could help Athena feel less threatened . I was also very happy to see that Athena still considers me Alpha , and would quiet down when I told her " Enough . " In any case , it 's going to take a little work on my part . I kept a fence between them at all times yesterday . Iris was pretty lost and insecure in her new pen next to Athena , so I put Faith and Joy in to keep her company . That seemed to help bring a bit of spark back to her . Latte , my more aggressive doe , is with Athena so they each have company . By my last inspection last night , the goats seem to have taken right to Iris . At feeding time , Iris gently , but firmly protected her food ( which I like to see ) . She seems to be great with the goats , so I am very happy about her temperament . I also have to admit , now that Athena is relaxing , I have NEVER heard her so quiet ! She had quit barking at Iris by nightfall last night , and I haven 't heard her bark since , which I find very interesting ! ! It may confirm that part of her barking has just been out of lonliness . Today , they seem fine with each other on each side of the fence , even considering some playful tail - wagging at each other on occasion . Today , I am going to take the next step and introduce them without a fence ( on leashes ) . We 'll see how it goes . 10 A wife of noble character who can find ? She is worth far more than rubies . 11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value . 12 She brings him good , not harm , all the days of her life . 13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands . 14 She is like the merchant ships , bringing her food from afar . 15 She gets up while it is still dark ; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls . 16 She considers a field and buys it ; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard . 17 She sets about her work vigorously ; her arms are strong for her tasks . 18 She sees that her trading is profitable , and her lamp does not go out at night . 19 In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers . 20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy . 21 When it snows , she has no fear for her household ; for all of them are clothed in scarlet . 22 She makes coverings for her bed ; she is clothed in fine linen and purple . 23 Her husband is respected at the city gate , where he takes his seat among the elders of the land . 24 She makes linen garments and sells them , and supplies the merchants with sashes . 25 She is clothed with strength and dignity ; she can laugh at the days to come . 26 She speaks with wisdom , and faithful instruction is on her tongue . 27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness . 28 Her children arise and call her blessed ; her husband also , and he praises her : 29 " Many women do noble things , but you surpass them all . " 30 Charm is deceptive , and beauty is fleeting ; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised . 31 Give her the reward she has earned , and let her works bring her praise at the city gate .
|
My hubby and I at his Christmas party My sister - in - law came and crashed the party . My son doing a little advertising for my cousin . . . See the cutest one on the very left ? Yep , that 's mine . . . Baby 's first mocossins from KukumMy new best friend . . . . . yummmmmmLove love love . . . . Camouflage Have been feeling good since my tidal wave on Sunday . My daughter 's first school Christmas concert is tonight , she sang me the song they 're singing , I am soooo excited ! Then she has another Christmas concert at our church tomorrow evening , and we 're still working on her lines . It 's hard when things like this come up because with her being at her dad 's every other weekend , she ends up missing most of the practices . The dress rehersal is tonight , but she 'll miss that being at her school pageant . Can we say sheesh ? Saturday is my baby girls birthday , she 'll be 6 ! I can 't believe how big she is . It was only a couple of moths ago that I realized how big her hands and feet are . They 're not " teeny " anymore , they 're . . . . . big . I 've thought this for a long time about my younger nephew 's hands . Now I look at her hands and think , aw . . . . . your hands are like Noah 's . Sniff sniff . I hope the other moms out there know what I 'm talking about , and that I don 't sound like a complete weirdo . There is something seriously wrong with my right wrist . At first I thought it was tendinitis , but now I 'm not so sure . It 's getting worse everyday , and since I 'm right - handed , I use it for everything all the time . I need to book an appointment soon . Anyways , just felt like writting something light and fluffy for a change . I also wanted to let all of you know that I have been unable to leave anyone any comments . I have tried and tried , and blogger is just being a bum so yeah . So when you go into your comment to see what everyone had to say about your post , just pretend that I 'm in there saying something cool . This rollercoaster ride is way more intense than I ever thought it would be . It seems that as soon as I think I 'm making progress , a get hit with a huge tidal wave that sends be farther behind than I was in the first place . It 's like waking up to a dark and heavy cloud hanging above me , with no forecast of sunshine . Durring the day for the most part I 'm able to distract myself from my thoughts and busy myself with the duties of the day . However , at night , there 's nothing left to distract me , just a sleeping husband on one side , a sleeping baby on the other , and a sea full of fears , regrets , anger and confusion . I 've come to know every intricate detail on my bedroom ceiling in the last few weeks . However , through the heavy storm clouds , some days I find cracks , where rays of sunshine can peek through . It 's those days that remind me that God is not finished with me yet , and that even though it 's not over , I will get through , and He will carry me there . It 's so confusing , I 'm not sure how all this works , I 'm not sure what to think or feel , I 'm not sure what sets me half the time . It usually takes me a moment or two , but whenever I blow up over something , I realize that whatever may set me off means nothing , and it 's really not what I 'm angry about anyway . It 's been litterally mind - blowing to see how much anger I can pull out of me , only to find more , and then some . In my head I know things , but my heart hasn 't caught up with what 's in my head . I know what God says , I know what He promises and I know who He is . But to be honest , I 'm not really seeing God working . I 'm finding I have to look back at all the amazing things that I have witnessed God do in the past , as if to remind myself , " I saw that really cool thing come out of that really gross thing , I bet if I stick around , I 'll see it again . . . " I know I will , like I said , in my head I know things . But God continues to gently remind me that I 'm ok , even when it feels like I 'm drowning . When we first moved into our house , it was spoken over us that our home would be a plaPosted by I feel like a schizophrenic with split personalities . Half of me is in a beauitiful place , with family and an amazing new baby . The other half is in a world of chaos , emotions and anger . As if the shock of the loss was not enough , I have now had to endure much unexpected change in some of my relationships . Friends that I once considered to be my closest companions , have drifted away without a trace , and those whom I never expected have been extending their hand , letting me know that I am loved and not forgotten . I appreciate their gestures . . . thank - you . Being with my family day in and day out has been greatly needed , although it 's come with it 's share of choas as well . At times it has felt like the blind leading the blind , or the deaf arguing and yelling . But even so , I need them . I 'm quite malnourished spiritually , but I don 't feel hungry . Shortly after my daughter was born , I struggled with anorexia . To those that don 't understand the disorder , it makes them wonder how someone could go hungry everyday , desperately wanting food , but ignoring their hunger pains . This isn 't how it goes . It 's amazing how your body will get used to what you give it , or don 't give it . If you withhold food , it will adjust , and eventually stop feeling hungry , and stop desiring food . I 'm quite spiritually malnourished , but I don 't feel hungry . . . . Have been having one rockin ' party over here ! Sorry if you weren 't invited , you missed one heck of a time . Hanging out with me myself and I , snacking on pity with extra anger and a side of guilt . Like I said , one heck of a party . . . Had a real good conversation with a friend . It was nice to hear and know that what I 'm feeling is totally ok , and that sticking to myself isn 't a bad thing . I know that I have good friends , that love me , even if they haven 't called . They don 't know what to say , and I know that . I know that they are respecting my need for personal space right now , and that they will all be waiting for me when I get back . I know that I am in God 's loving hands , and that His mercy is bigger than any of the wrong choices I 've made lately . He knows where I 'm at , and He still loves me . This has been so refreshing . My days are getting better , I 'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel is a little bit brighter . And while there are still things God and I need to trudge through , I know I have a loving family that will walk it with me . We 've all been leaning on eachother , not feeling like we have to do or be anything , not having to explain anything because we all already know , and it 's ok . For the first time through it all , I 'm feeling a sense of anticipation to see the things that God has planned through this unfold . I 'm realizing that this whole thing is bigger than anything I can grasp right now . Holding my first born son cradled in my arms , in the hospital room where my sister 's first born son was breathing his last breaths , I know holds more revelation than I can handle . What is God doing ? I 'm enjoying my time to myself these days , I know it 's exactly what I need . I 'm not going to push myself anymore , I 'm not going to force myself to do things or go places . I think I 'm up for just being . I need my hubby , my daughter and son , my sister and brother , my neices and nephew ( wow does that ever feel like a typo ) , and my parents . Good thing I won 't have to walk too far . ; ) Every night I go to bed , and every morning I wake up , asking myself , ' did all this really happen ' ? It still feels like a dream , to most of us I 'm sure . Looking back at the last few weeks , and looking at life now , how it 's continued on it 's own , how the world has kept on spinning , it all feels very weird . I 'm still struggling with a lot of mixed feelings , that God needs to walk me through . One minute thinking I 'm feeling too much , the other minute thinking I 'm not feeling enough . Looking at some people and wondering , maybe I should be feeling that way . My grandpa died when I was in grade ten , I was 15 . I can remember viewing his body and thinking , ' that doesn 't look anything like my grandpa ' . The funeral people put make up on his face , and made him look like someone else . I cried , and placed a little note from myself into his suit pocket . I struggled with a lot of feelings of guilt . He had a lot of trouble hearing when he was alive , you had to basically yell at him if he was going to hear you . Sometimes I would talk to him and he would nod , but I knew he couldn 't hear me , and was just tired of asking me to repeat myself . When he died , all I kept thinking was , " I could 've talked louder , I should 've talked louder " . It 's amazing what a shmuck your mind will make you out to be when someone dies . You always think you have more time . More time to be that aunt you always knew was in you , but was burried beneath selfishness . More time to be the mom you know you can be , the wife you know your husband deserves , the daughter every parent is proud of , the christian you so want to be . I thought I 'd have more time , but as it turned out , I didn 't . The fact is , we were not designed for death . We were designed to commune with God in the garden of eden where there was no death or disease . This is all completely unnatural for us . I need to remember that when I get annoyed at all the funny looks I get from people , and the I 'm sorry 's . What are you sorry for ? What did you do ? I wonder what people are thinking , because I think the same thinPosted by When you are sad . . . . . I will dry your tears . When you are scared . . . . . I will comfort your fears . When you are worried . . . . . I will give you hope . When you are confused . . . . . I will help you cope . And when you are lost . . . . And can 't see the light , I shall be your beacon . . . . . Shining ever so bright . This is my oath . . . . . I pledge till the end . . . . Why you may ask ? . . . . . Because you 're my child . Love , Your Daddy ( To the tune of Happy Birthday ) Happy birthday to meI 've turned twenty - threeI feel so much older . . . . . . . . Today I very slowly , tired and grumpy rolled out of bed a whoppin ' 23 . I grumbled down the stairs with a nice glowing frown on my face and made myself some coffee , but not before I spilled the bowl of sugar all over the inside of the cupboard . I look at my life and my walk , and it doesn 't seem to match up with the number . I look at " 23 " and think , that 's it ? I 'm such a child . It was only 3 years ago that I stepped out of teenagehood , that isn 't that far back . But I am blessed , beyond belief . God has given me more than I ever dreamed , I can not imagine where I would be if He hadn 't plucked me out of the hole I was trapped in . He 's been reminding me more and more everyday , that I have nothing to get here , it has only been by His grace and mercy . I forget so easily . . . Finish up that last line in the song for me , and share in my birthday fun . Be blessed today There are some things stirring in my heart . . . . am not sure what God is going to do with it all once I get it , is it just for me ? is it to encourage others ? It 's amazing to know that God loves me too much to leave me stagnant , even when that 's exactly how I want to be left . God has blessed my life more than I could possibly describe , but I 've been finding my refuge in those blessings . I 've gotten myself a little too comfortable , but He 's gently nudging me back on track . Things around here seem to be getting more and more normal each day . I 've been doing ok with keeping the house clean , although I 'm finding it much more difficult with a baby that feeds every three hours , two ' living rooms ' and a whole extra bedroom , but I 'm managing . My hubby is such a big help , have no idea what our house would look like if he didn 't serve me in that area . My little girl is loving school . She now takes the bus in the mornings , as her mom is now at ease with her leaving . They 've been learning about the seven days of creation in class , and the story of Adam and Eve . It 's such a blessing to have her come home and tell me that she learned something new from the word of God , and not the newest kid slang for a cuss word . Little Daniel is growing and changing everyday . He 's awake for two or three periods durring the day , and is sleeping a bit better . He 's still up every three hours to feed , but he used to take a while to get back to sleep after a feed , now at least he doesn 't lay there grunting and squirming for an hour . My body is very slowly getting used to the fact that I am not able to give it as much sleep . I should be napping durring the day , but I find there 's always something else to do . I had a nice nap today , so I 'm good for a few days . My little Faithfulness came over today . She 's so smart . I love just watching her little mind at work , watching her think about something . Even when she tests me , I find it so neat , just to see how much she really does know . I hate it when people have the attitude that kids don 't know anything . I thiPosted by Grrrr . . . . . After many requests , I 've been trying to post some pics for you of the newest member of my family . But stupid Blogger won 't let me . So bare with me , they are coming . . . . Hi , I 'm Nin , and I 'm a coffee - addict . I 'm sad and ashamed to say that I am once again addicted to my drug of choice , caffeine . Doesn 't take long for a recovering addict , a few hits of the good stuff for a few days in a row and you 're back on the addiction rollercoaster of headaches and daily fatigue . I should 've just said no . . . . I did well throughout the pregnancy . My hubby was gentle in weening me off the juice just prior to getting pregnant . He started by adding a little bit of half - caf to my coffee in the mornings , then eventually it was all half - caf . He then added decaf into my half caf , until eventually it was all decaf , and voila , my body couldn 't even tell the difference . I enjoyed a cup of the real stuff here and there as a treat , like most normal people do , but that was where it stayed . But as soon as I was no longer pregnant , and no longer breast - feeding , I went overboard . I have fallen off the wagon . What do I have to show for it all ? A splitting headache in the morning that will last all day , that only a shot of the enemy that got me into this mess can conquer . Tylenol is no match for the caffeine headache , any coffee addict can attest to that . So what do I do ? Does my future hold infinite headaches ? Grumpy mornings ? Sleepy days ? Possibly panhandling to support my addiction ? Time will tell . . . . They say the addict has to hate their sin . . . But I love that bean Thank - you all for your many thoughts and prayers ! I am happy to say we are all doing very well over here . I feel quite normal again ( if I ever was very normal ) , and it 's nice to be able to get out and show the little man off to the world . I forgot how much attention a baby got in public , to the point where sometimes you wonder when the gazing strangers are actually going to move on with whatever they were doing before they started gooing and gaing over your baby . Ok already . . . . take care now , bye bye then . But it 's so fun , I love that little something inside of every baby that screams of God 's beautiful creation , that draws the world in no matter how big or small they are themselves . Everybody loves babies , it reminds us of our heavenly Father , whether we know Him or not . My back problem was black and white the day baby was born . It 's still a problem , but it 's more in the backround than anything . I can lay on my back again , and while I still get up a little sore , it 's nothing compared to how it was feeling before . Now that I 'm able to move more freely and lay on my back , I 'm able to do the excersies my physio therapist gave me way back when . My daughter has already listed all the things she 's been patiently waiting for through out the pregnancy . " Mommy we can bath together now ! Mommy you can jump and run now ! Mommy we can play hide and seek ! " What a precious gem , she has been so good through this whole thing . A lot of kids would be very demanding , maybe jealous or upset with having to miss out on things . But my princess has been so amazing , and she deserves all the blessings of being a big sister . My hubby has been incredible . I had no idea it would be so hard at first , and have no idea what I would 've done without him . I cried many times apologizing that he had to come home from the hospital with two babies . Seeing him serve me in everything , and be completely supportive and nurturing to me , while I have nurtured our son , it has been the most amazing experience . My hubby wasn 't even able to be downstairs , that was tPosted by Bright and early at 5 : 25 Tuesday morning , the Lord blessed us with a beautiful little boy ! Baby Daniel David7lb 3ozPerfectAmazing God blessed me with a very quick labor and delivery . I 'm not sure if things could have gone more smoothly ( although I wouldn 't have minded some pain relief ! ) . Daniel came out as healthy as could be , and was able to lay on my chest right away . He 's the cutest thing I 've ever seen , and am so proud to be his mom . My husband was able to announce the sex to me , and he did so with great joy . He was the one to name this little one , his first born son , what a blessing that was to wait in anticipation to hear the name that my husband had chosen . It 's been an undescribable blessing to be parents of this little man that we created together . Will post some pics soon . Have wanted to update you all many times in the last week , but have been finding it hard getting into the routine of being a new mom again . Thank you for your thoughts and prayers . Be blessed , God is good . I could squat . . . I could lean and bend . . . I had nice pretty clothes to wear that fit . . . . I could sit cross legged . . . . I could dance . . . . I could paint my toe nails . . . I could fit behind my father - in - laws air hockey table , along with other nooks and crannies . . . . As you can tell , I 'm very ready to be done with what has been a very physically trying pregnancy . I 'm ready to claim my body back as my own , and stop housing a roomate in a house that is clearly no longer big enough for the two of us . I 'm starting to think that maybe I 'm just not one of those women who love the being pregnant part of motherhood . I think I enjoy my physical freedom too much . Now that my sister is on the preggy boat , she 's dropped off all the clothes that I lent her when I grew out of them . I look through the box and marvel at all these little trendy pants that I once wore . I 'm getting very excited to look like me again , and do all that I was once able to do . With the light shinning brightly at the end of my tunnel , I will walk with my head up for these last few days , looking forward to all the blessings of bringing a new life into the world and meeting him or her for the first time . So until after the hatching of my little egg , I bid you farewell . Blessings !
|
This week at church , we were asked " what are you hungry for ? " My first response was " I could really go for some scrambled eggs . " Not so sure that 's the kind of answer they were looking for . The message was all about our hunger in life . What do we long for ? Love , acceptance , rest ? It made me think about my direction with Owen 's Memorial . I just don 't know what to do … or how to start . Yes , I want to do the pay it forward thing and help others . I think it would be great to fund other service projects . But is that what my mission or purpose is ? How can one be sure that you are doing what the big man upstairs wants you to be doing ? It 's not like you can look at him in the face and he 'll give you the reassuring head nod . I can 't get a sign of approval on a piece of paper . I 'm screaming inside … I just want to know what I 'm supposed to do . I pray about it every day . I groan every time someone asks me what the plan is . I just don 't know ! Is the hesitantly coming from me not wanting to make a final decision ? Is it that I 'm really worried about " doing the right thing ? " I just feel like once I put something into motion there will be something better . Then what ? Crap … I screwed up Owen 's entire memorial . I just want to do him justice . Everything else has been perfect . Ok , short of the funeral home we chose … that 's a whole different blog post ! I just don 't want to make the wrong choice . I remember feeling similar when deciding what to name Jaden . It was the first gift I gave my new baby boy and one I 'd never be able to take back . It could effect his future . It could have a 1 , 283 horrible rhyming words or be something that torments him . What if he hates his name when he grows up ? What if there was something better I should have chosen ? I wanted the very best for my son and it tore me up inside not knowing for sure that I was doing the right thing . When Owen was dying I knew what I should be praying for . I prayed to be open to what was meant to be . I prayed for my son to be safe and happy . If he didn 't want to live in a prison body , then I would love him beyond this earth . But now I have no idea what I 'm supposed to be doing . I know I can blog , but what do I blog about ? How Logan and Weston spit up blueberries all over this morning and then rolled around in it ? Or how Jaden decided that he wanted to spend his morning in his underwear ? Or the walk to the new park that was supposed to be tons of fun , but turned into Jaden crying hysterically the whole way home because he was so hot ? Or how I made 10 lbs of baby food ? While it 's my life now , it hardly seems important enough to write about . My blogs turn into a meaningless regurgitation of my day . Makes for a pretty boring blog . In ways I feel like God just sort of dropped me on the curb and said , ok , now find your way home . I was there , full in his presence and confident in my purpose . And now I feel lost and unsure . Lord , do you hear me ? Am I still on your radar ? Or do you have Owen and have gone on to other dying children ? To comfort other parents who are on the brink of loosing their worlds ? In my logical mind I know he loves me . It 's not that I don 't believe or am doubting my faith . But any time he 'd like to give me a little direction or nudge in the right direction of his plan , that would be great . I keep hearing wonderful stories of how Owen 's story has spread or how people have changed because of it . New faces keep showing up at church . Maybe in addition to the two little girls who got his liver and heart , he " saved " others ? I have to be honest … I 'm not sure what is different about this story compared to other babies who passed . Why do some react to this story ? What makes someone who at one time swear off silicone bracelets wear a " donate life " one for two months straight ? Maybe if I could tap into that I would have a better idea of my path from here . Let 's go with it … if you are moved … why ? Why this story and not another blog or baby ? Why Owen ? Why me ? Maybe it has nothing to do with me and it 's all Owen ? Or visa versa ? Why do you wear OWENGE ? What does it mean to you ? How or why has it changed you ? Maybe I 'm assuming too much and it hasn 't . Tell me that too . What about this makes it an " ordinary " story ? I 'm begging for some help here . Help me figure out what to do . Where do I go ? I so badly want to keep the movement going . Please … help … please ? 51 responses to " I 'm Hungry " Carlin August 1 , 2011 at 10 : 11 pm I know that your story for me , has made me appreciate my beloved little girl even more . I feel that I am more patient with her , and more engaged with her partly because you dont have that opportunity with Owen anymore … at least not physically . There were several nights right after Owen died that I went and picked up a sleeping Hanna out of her crib and just held her - because shouldnt I be taking every opportunity to hold her that I can ? I find your loss heartbreaking , but the way you 're dealing with it so inspiring . I 'm glad you wear orange everyday , because in my eyes , you are as much a warrior as Owen is . Reply katie August 4 , 2011 at 7 : 19 am To start this off , I am going to answer the questions you asked and respond as some fellow bloggers have . Where did I hear about your story ? I was forwarded an e - mail at work in which Doug worked at years ago informing us that Doug had lost a child . I knew Doug , but was not super close , but felt horrible for this loss . I ended up opening the link to your blog and it was quite addicting to read ! I generally get to my e - mail / computer time after 9 pm so when I started to read your story and all your family was going through , hours had past and my heart ached so badly , I had tears stream down my face for most of my reading . I couldn 't fall asleep and I was all out of sorts for that first reading night and all next day and for some reading nights after that , same story … I cried and even though it caused my heart to ache each time I started to read , I knew I had to keep reading to learn something from you . I couldn 't help to not keep thinking about all those experiences and thinking about how your family was doing . I think I bonded with your experience right away as in May I was just going back to work after my maternity leave with my 3 month old son and I also have a 1 . 5 year old son as well that I was emotional and had such strong maternal instincts and feeling around this time , so it just struck a chord for me instantly . Why do I keep coming back to your blog ? Like other bloggers stated , you have a way of writing and sharing your heart felt feelings that is so real and valuable to other people that I feel I need to drop in a few times a week to see how you are doing and to learn from your experiences . Why did I bond with you , someone I have never met ? I think it is your strong value in your faith , your motherly straight up tell it how it is approach to life and how vulnerable you are to let us all in to your life , I just think you are an inspiration to me . You are the strongest woman and a can somehow pull it all together mother ! I have a hard time balancing all on my plaKimberly August 1 , 2011 at 10 : 12 pm Hi Mel - I ordered an Owenge shirt from you and couldn 't wait to get it ! I wore it at my son 's birthday party and when people asked me about it , I was able to share Owen 's story . I wear it because I would want other people to do the same for me if I were in your shoes - share the story of a son who was SO loved and taken WAY too soon . It makes me hug all 4 of my sons a little tighter and cherish the everyday moments a little more . Please keep sharing tidbits of your life with your kids on this blog . All of us mommies out there with children around the same age can totally relate ! And just think , 10 years from now when you did blog about the " ordinary " things that your children had done , you 'll be glad that you can look back and read about those times . I appreciate everything that you 're trying to do in memory of Owen . The movement will keep going , because we will continue to wear our Owenge shirts . I have been reading your blog since the first night but this is my first response . I received an E - mail from a mom that I know through my daughters pre school that was a prayer circle for you and your family . This E - mail connected me to your blog and I have been an avid reader ever since . I think I was initially drawn to your story for the same reason many readers were , your story is heart wrenching but your writting is beautiful . You have an amazing gift in the way you communicate and share . I began to feel as though I was living your story with you , it consumed my day I couldn 't stop thinking about you , owen , doug and the boys . I prayed harder than I had every prayed , I truely believed that in that moment that the power of prayer would work that my prayers and the prayers of all of your readers would be answered and owen would survive . Owen may not have survived in his earthly body but he has survived in your spirit and in the spirit of thousands of people across the world . Any choice you make will be the right choice owen is no longer a chunky giggley baby but rather a symbol , a symbol of strength and perserverience . Your and Dougs strenght to continue on for owen and your boys , your boys strength in growing up without their brother , and owens strength as the little warrior . Because of you I hold my little man a little longer each night before bed , I kiss my girls a few extra times before I leave for work . Your amazing ability to selflessly share each moment of Owens story has done this for every mom and dad who reads it . Thank you for being strong enough to share , even when you dont feel like you are strong . Thank you for sharing Owen with the world when you could have kept him and his story to yourself . Reply Jessica August 1 , 2011 at 10 : 26 pm Hi Mel , my name is Jessica . I found your blog from a baby center prayer request just a couple days after Owen passed away . The main reason why I follow your blog is because I feel like we have so much in common . I read your blog from beginning to end in just a couple of days . I am prior Air Force Security Forces and wad stationed in Okinawa until last week . I have a 2 . 5 year old son whose father is not involved . My husband stepped up and has been in our lives since he was born . After only 4 months of marriage my husband and I decided we were ready to start trying for number 2 and then wait a few years to have number 3 . Well at my first ultrasound we found out it was twins . I had no clue what we were going to do and my husband was getting ready to deploy and wouldn 't be back till the twins were 2 months old . We decided that it would be best if I separated from the military and become a stay at home mom . I really hated not working and would sometimes tell the twins that it was there fault and have to remind myself why exactly I got out . It made me feel better that I wasn 't tell only one having trouble adjusting to life as a full time Stay At home mom . Reading your blog helped me get through that part . As for Owen . It gives me strength and courage knowing that he went through so much in his short life and that I take a lot of things for granted . I complaint . About the littlest things and then think about him and remember that he didn 't ask to go through that and he didn 't complain about it either . I know you have talked about this before but I truly think you are a strong woman and I admire you for that . I have no clue what it would be like to lose a child but I don 't think I could handle it as well as you . I pray everyday that God will answer your questions and give you strength to get through each day . I pray that your family will come closer together and learn how to cope with this . Reply Melissa August 1 , 2011 at 10 : 26 pm why Owen 's story ? well first i will say as a child care provider I am always heart broken to hear of the loss of a child . it rips my heart into tiny little pieces and makes me realize how precious every little spit up or leaky diaper is , or how about that sneeze just as you put a spoonful of babyfood in their mouth . ultimately though , what has drawn me so close with this story is not only knowing Jaden from formerly working at the cdc , but the fact that you were willing to share your story with the world . I read your blogs and I am amazed at the strength you show even on your weakest days , I 'm amazed at your ability to to share your weakest moments and your proudest moments all in 1 blog . It brings it so close to home with losing my nephew 14 years ago and watching my sister grieve , but not knowing what to do as a teenager to even begin to help her or help myself . There is something amazing about a mom who has the strength to find ways to help others when she is in need herself . Even on your weakest days Melissa … . you truly are amazing and an inspiration to not just look right in front of you , but to hold that glimmer of hope for a better tomorrow ! GOD BLESS YOU and LIL WARRIOR OWEN ! As for a memorial , i think everything you have done so far is amazing ! ! But i think you need to let it come as it will . Just because his memorial is not set in stone , doesn 't make it any less important and it sure doesn 't mean you don 't miss your lil chunky monkey ! It will happen when the time is right . God is sending you messages , he 's telling you your taking the right path , but by questioning yourself it means to slow down , there is no rush ! thats my thoughts Reply Esperanza August 1 , 2011 at 10 : 27 pm Hello , I 've never commented on your blog , except for once or twice right after your son passed . I haven 't commented because I haven 't been sure what to say . I don 't really know what to say now but I feel like I can 't ignore your pleas so I will try my best . First of all , I want to confess that I don 't have a relationship with God . I don 't actually believe in God but I do believe in an the goodness of people and a desire for most people to do loving works and to create harmony in the universe . I believe in an underlying energy , a rightness in the world . And I believe in meditation and prayer and acceptance and mindfulness . I feel like I 'm not explaining it correctly , like I 'm not saying what I want to say . Maybe I will be able to articulate it better later . You asked why your blog ? Why Owen 's story ? I 'll be honest , I don 't follow your blog now because of Owen . I follow you because of you . Because of your strength . I 'm sure that is frustrating for you to hear , I know you 're written that you don 't feel strong . But when I read that while Owen was struggling you prayed for openness and acceptance - that you prayed for your son 's comfort and not yourself - that , to me , is a kind of unconquerable strength . A kind of strength I assume I wouldn 't have in your position . And while I don 't believe in God myself , I find comfort in your faith in Him , in your relationship with Him . I feel like I can understand it ( at least aspects of it ) and translate it to my understanding of the world . I appreciate that . I read your blog because I think you are wise and wonderful . I read your blog to see how others incorporate loving - kindness , mindfulness and acceptance into their own lives with what seems like an effortless grace . As for the question of Owen 's memorial ? I don 't think you need to know what you 're doing just yet . I don 't think God has a specific idea for the work he wants you to do . He 's not up there with a perfect idea hoping you 'll guess at what it might be . God is love , right ? God wants love . That is all . I can 't imagine he cares how it 's spread or what it inspires . He just wants love and grace and people reaching out to each other in times of difficulty and despair . I don 't think he 's hoping for love to look a certain way or be expressed in a specific act . He just wants people to care for each other . You will figure out what to do with the love Owen inspires in others . It might not happen today , or tomorrow or even next month . In fact it will probably keep changing , evolving into whatever it needs to be . First it might look like one idea , and then it might build into another . It might change directions all together or it might continue on a certain path . I think though , no matter where it goes or what it does , God will be happy with it . How could he not be ? I 've already confessed I don 't have a relationship with God , but I wonder if maybe you feel abandoned by him right now because you 're already doing what he wants you to do . You 're already taking a horrific experience and making it into something amazing . You 're already turning Owen 's tragedy into someone else 's miracle . You have figured that part out , and that 's the hardest part . You have already vowed to make your loss about love . Perhaps the direction that love takes is ultimately inconsequential , at least in God 's eyes . Or at least that is what I venture to guess . Maybe God isn 't giving you a direction right now because he 's not so concerned with the direction . Maybe he 's just content being proud of you for all that you 've already done . ( I 'm sorry if this comment is to forward . My intent is not to tell you anything about God or your relationship with him . I 'm just trying to bring you some peace because I think that you deserve that . I think that God would want you to have it too . ) I first came across your blog through a friend 's facebook , a friend who also does not know you , but who has also been affected by your story . I started reading while Owen was still fighting for his life , and have continued to read since then . I 've also gone back in your blog to a little before the triplets were born . Funny enough , I 've recently began a slight fascination with owls , right before I started reading your blog . That Saturday in May , the day before I started reading about Owen 's battle , I also had gotten a pedicure and at the last moment decided I wanted my toes to be obnoxiously orange . This isn 't a far stretch for me , I 've always loved bright colors , but something made me change my mind about the pink I had chosen and go for orange . These little things , though small and coincidental , make me feel a little more linked to you and your family , your life . I 'm not a mother , yet , though I 've known for a long time that my life will never feel complete until I have children . There 's an empty space there , one I crave to fill even though I 'm enjoying life with my still fairly new husband . I 'm also a nanny , for a wonderful family , with a 3 year old girl and almost 2 year old boy , and I babysit for other kids around the same ages . I can 't even fathom how I would feel , what I would do , if anything happened to them . I think how I feel about them is pretty equivalent to an aunt . They are not my blood , I am not their primary caregiver , but I can 't imagine them even seriously hurt . I can 't imagine how you feel , how you 've felt , how you manage . I understand that the motivation to get out of bed some days is utterly non - existent , but that you have to . Owen isn 't the only warrior in this story . You are , your family is . I think this is why I continue to read . I 'm rooting for you , in a way . I know you 'll survive , I know you 'll be happy again , though never in the same way as you were before . I read to somewhat partake in your struggles . Your questions , your thoughts , everything … they make me stronger too . I think about Owen every day . Every time I grab an orange shirt , every time I see something with an owl on it . I was at a friend 's having a glass of wine and she gave me an orange beaded charm to mark my glass and I immediately thought of Owen . I know that families and children and babies go through stories similar to yours everyday . I can 't fully explain why I 'm still here , why I 'm still reading . But I am . You have a wonderful way with words , and I love you , your children , your family . If I ever get the pleasure of meeting you , I know I 'm just going to want to give you a huge hug . And while I love reading your thoughts , and your questions , I also love your every day things , your Jaden and triplet stories . I hope this kind of answered some of the questions in your mind , even a little bit . I admire you a great deal , and I know I would 've even before Owen 's death , before you bared your wounded soul to the world . You seem like an amazing mother , family member , and friend . Why do I read your blog ? Simply , I relate to you . As a mother , as a wife , as a Christian . You say in your blog what I feel so often . I have not lost a child , although I suffered two miscarriages . I read how your day was and how it was like mine , or wasn 't . I read your frustrations about you & your husband grieving differently , and I understand . Though I only know you through your blog , you still feel close , like a friend . I " get " you and though you don 't know me , I think you would " get " me too , if you knew me . Your thoughts , how you react to things , you are so incredibly honest and you don 't try to paint a pretty picture for all the people reading your blog . You are refreshingly honest . And it makes me feel better about the way I may react , feel , or question God at times . I admire your courage to share your journey . One day , I will randomly dress my child in orange , and later that day Owen comes to mind , then you , the triplets , your son Jaden , and your husband . The color orange is all it takes ! It has forever taken on a whole new meaning . Now , orange carries with it a myriad of emotions . I am not sure this helps . But I felt a " nudge " to share it . Thank you . I hold you and Owen and your enture family in my heart …………… . . and in my prayers . Reply jamie August 1 , 2011 at 11 : 06 pm I got connected with your story thru my triplet mommy group . You are so amazingly strong , to be able to carry on for your other children . You made me think could I carry on for my other 2 if I had lost one ? Of course I would have too , but would I show signs of weakness ? ? ? ? I have read most of your blogs and have yet to respond until NOW . What is it that keeps us coming back you ask ? It 's that every one of us can connect to you on some level . For some it 's that you represent a faith and strength they wish they had . For others it 's because they connect to you with some similar feeling or life experience . I don 't wear orange , don 't think I own orange , but that doesn 't mean I don 't respect the symbolism of Owen 's bravery that orange has come to mean for you and your family . I see orange differently I guess in God 's creations ; the monarch butterfly - maybe Owen is fluttering around watching over his brothers . Or the amazing orange lilies in my backyard and thought of you and Owen and hoped that bringing you a bunch would put a smile on your face . For me it 's a little of both connection and faith . This is hard to put into words , but I 'll try to explain the connection for me . First there is the connection of loss , albeit I was merely a witness to my best friend 's loss of her nearly 2 year old brother as he was hit by a car in front of her house when we were both 9 years old . I 'll never forget that day , the shrilling screams of her mother heard throughout the neighborhood . Her baby , her " Pudge " . Her mom was like a second Mom to me , in fact my own mom 's best friend and no one knew how to relate to that situation . I respect how by exposing your thoughts and feelings through your blog it 's allowed others to accept their own mixed up feelings of weakness , confusion , anger , depression as the normal process of grief . Maybe it 's a form of therapy or processing for you . We all grieve something . We all process grief differently , but you are not shutting down , you ARE processing and I think that many others are motivated by that . Every step of this journey your faith has guided to lean on your Lord . It 's comes natural to you . Even your self - talk of wanting answers and guidance faster for Owen 's memorial , you " know " deep down that God will provide the answer when it is the right time . On to my next connection point - the ultimate gift , the gift of life , organ donation . I personally know 3 donor recipients . Seems like a lot doesn 't it - that I should be so lucky that 3 people ( one of them my own mother ) was benefited with the gift of life because someone else lost their wife , mother , sister , grandma . I thank the Lord every day for the extra time with my mom . But , I have also have wondered what it 's like to be other the other side of organ donation . My mom was in her 60 's when she received a new heart from a woman in Cleveland who had a brain aneurysm . It took her family nearly 3 weeks to come to terms that she wasn 't coming out of the coma and that she was brain dead . I have no idea how I would be in that situation ? Could I be that Reply Randi August 2 , 2011 at 12 : 21 am Mel , I read your blog every time you post . I 'm just another mom i gave a son up for adoption and that was the hardest thing i 've ever done . My father passed away and that was just as hard . I 've never had to do what you face every day . I read your blog and it inspires me your words inspire me to be a better person . Owen inspires me to go on with life and be the best mother i can and to give to others . Honestly with your talent of writing and expressing yourself why not right a book ? You have so much insight and you let it all flow so that we are there with you feeling what you feel and trying to be the best we can . You are always in my prayers and i KNOW god is there maybe not in your ear but someone elses giving you a push in the right direction . Reply Jaclyn Belflower - Mitchell August 2 , 2011 at 12 : 58 am Let me start with the question Why You ? ? ? Maybe it 's true … maybe there have been many moms that have had to say " goodbye " to their little babies far too soon . You want to know the difference . Most clam up , most are unable to truly share their emotions , most try to keep it as private as possible , most even try to " pretend " it never happened . None of those things describes you . You let us in . You let us be a part of your miracle , of Owen 's miracle . You allowed us to fight and pray right beside you ! You allowed us to be warriors for Owen . We want to wear Owenge because it reminds us that we can make the best of any situation . If you as a mother can press forward and have faith in GOD after the loss of your son , then I should be able to over come my menial trials . Maybe just maybe the reason people are drawn to this story is because the Lord has a plan for you … Maybe you don 't know it now , but in time you may . You are torn about how to set up Owen 's memorial … I have an idea … It is not something I have prayed about sharing with you , but something that is close to my heart … . Another idea for you to toss around in your already racing mind . You have always said that Owen was / is a warrior , and he was meant to save lives . I have recently learned some disheartening information regarding orphans in foreign countries . Once these sweet young kids reach the age of 6 , they are moved from the baby homes they have lived in , and moved into an asylum . In these adult mental institutions that these children are moved to , they are basically sentenced to death . Many become ineligible for adoption . Most die within a short time of being moved there . I know many friends that are in a race against time , trying to raise the money to save these young children . They need a warrior on their side , fighting to bring them home . I have not personally adopted , and I am not currently adopting , but I know many are unable to because of the financial strain . Maybe … . jDo not worry , I will not be offended if this idea is not appealing to you , or not what you had in mind . Just something that has recently touched my heart . Reply Jill August 2 , 2011 at 5 : 21 am Your story holds such a special place in my heart . I too am the mommy to triplets ( 2 here on Earth , and 1 in heaven ) . Being the mommy to surviving triplets is a hard task . The " twin " question kills me ! They aren 't twins , but are they still triplets ? I questioned that for so long . I know they are triplets ! And now that my survivors are 4 1 / 2 they know they are triplets too and are able to tell everyone that their brother is in heaven 🙂 Makes my heart feel so good every time they tell someone . My Colin passed away after only 8 days here on Earth . I long to hold him every single day , even though it has been almost 5 years . So I can 't tell you it gets easier , just different . The pain isn 't as raw as it used to be , but it is always there . We have found happy ways to remember Colin so that there isn 't always sadness in our hearts when we think of him . For example , every time a balloon slips out of one of the boys ' hands we yell to Colin to catch it , and whenever there is a thunder storm my kids smile and tell me that they think Colin got a strike 🙂 Your story also touches me because one of my survivors is named Owen , and life without my Owen would be very boring . He keeps me on my toes at all times ! And his color is orange too ! To this day he still chooses anything orange when given the opportunity 🙂 Thank you for sharing your story with the world ! I was not brave enough to do it on my blog when it happened . I was barely able to keep my head above the covers . Jill Reply Tammy August 2 , 2011 at 6 : 26 am Mine might be odd , but your Owen was the same age as my Cullen at the time . He is also a chunker . I call him my " chunky monkey . " Through your words I lived ( a huge fraction , I know ) a tiny bit of your pain . I cry with you . Not to impune your grief - I know I have no clue of how you 're feeling . But I AM human . I AM a mother of an infant , and your words affect my heart . I share your blogs with my mother and we sit and cry together . It 's " different " because we are following your journey , day by day . Following this human emotion and experience . Knowing that not all things in life have a happy ending . Praying huge prayers that you can get through each day . It also makes us " hug our kids tighter , " like you said . Reminds us all that life changes with every passing minute . To love as hard as we can because nothing is forever . I told my mother that I always knew I would love my kids as much as I do - the unconditional kind of " Mother 's Love . " But I didn 't know the fear I would feel . Fear of something happening to them as a baby , sure , they are so fragile , but even as they got older . If someone hurts my 8 year - old 's feelings at school and I see the hurt in her eyes , it 's enough to feel my own heart breaking . So yours Mel , is a human story . We follow you to check on you and to know the fragility that is life . Reply Jessica August 2 , 2011 at 6 : 39 am I read your blog because your a mom , a wife and a christian . I follow your blog because your story is real . And you don 't sugarcoat what you are going through . In the begining I started reading because we were praying for little Owen and your family . I kept reading because as a mother I feel we need to support one another , even if it 's just through prayer . I think what you write is honest . So many bloggers make it seem like their life is perfect and the day to day is simple and easy . But it 's not always . You blog reminds me to hug my 7month old longer . Give her 100 more kisses . To let her fall asleep in my arms if she wants . To smile when I have gotten up for the 4th time in the middle of the night and I have to get up at 5am . Just because I 'm happy she needs me . I pray you feel all the support around you . I pray God is going to give you guidance that you so desperately need . I pray you have the patience to just wait till you get that feeling from Him that you are making the right decision for Owen 's Memorial or you get a sign to point you in the right direction . I pray that when it all makes sense for what to do you are given a little slice of piece in your decision . I thought " WOW , I have to share this with Mel ! " I felt like God just said " Tell Mel I 've already got it under control and I 'm ALREADY doing so much she can 't even see … " Have a blessed day ! Reply Elizabeth Ahlgrim August 2 , 2011 at 7 : 07 am Mel , I can 't remember how I found you … I think a blog of another friend of friend that I follow who had lost her husband . Your story broke my heart yet your writing humbles me . I think about your faith and how lacking mine is … that if you can profess what you do that surely I can live and love a little better , a little more . I think I was hungering for your message . I think you are the angel that God gave to me … to share His words with me through you . Please don 't doubt yourself or what you are doing / feeling / saying . How can there be a right or wrong in this ? As you have said so many times , " no one else has ever gone through this exact situation . " OThers have lost children , but not Owen . So you are unique . Don 't rush on the Memorial . The right answer will be revealed . There is no time limit , no due date . What you have done already is amazing . God Bless you and your family . Reply Bethany August 2 , 2011 at 7 : 16 am Mel , I read because I know you . Because I 've always been enamored by you and your strength ; your zest for life . Even before the triplets , before Doug , before Jaden , I was amazed at your positive outlook , your happiness at simple pleasures , your easygoing spirit . I 've always looked up to you more than you know , and I read because your blog shows that you continue to be YOU in the face of unimagineable hardships . The questions you ask of us your blog readers are the questions I 've been asking myself since May . Why do I read ? Why am I so caught up ? Why do I care so much ? The answer I 've come up with is one that makes sense to me … but I don 't know if it makes sense to anyone else . I found your blog a little over a month after my younger sister died . I was vulnerable , but I can 't say that any other time before or after my sister would I have not read your story , Owen 's story . I am by nature a very emotional and sympathetic person , I want to help people . The real reason I think though is that your story was an outlet for my grief , I could get caught up in someone else 's sorrow and try to help them in any way possible , which in a weird way has helped me cope with my grief . I read because YOU are inspiring , OWEN is inspriring . I read because seeing how you are coping and how you are feeling helps me to identify those feelings in myself … I know losing a child and losing a sibling are completely different and no one will ever truly know how you are feeling or how I am feeling but I feel a kinship with you and how you see the world and it 's comforting knowing that what I 'm feeling isn 't totally unique , that I 'm not alone . So I read to be inspired , and I read to be comforted , and I read to help . I know that every time I think of you or Owen , every time I pray for you and your family , that it is helping … in some small way . I know that every time I see or wear Owenge it 's a small sign of support and love . You are an incredible woman who I admire deeply , and I only hope you find everything you 're looking for . All I have to say is follow your heart … however broken it may be , and know that there are so many people out there who are supporting you . Reply Kristin August 2 , 2011 at 7 : 39 am Hello Mel ! I have been reading about your babies since you were preggo . Having two boys of my own already I absolutely loved hearing about all of your funny stories . You have always stayed so positive through every situation . I read your blog because I find your words helpful . Not just when Owen passed but long before that . When you posted all of your pics from you in the hospital with the triplets , putting coins on your belly to the once a month photo shoot with your kids . You make me want to find the positive . After Owen passed that positive became even stronger . I remember going into my OBGYN 's office which is the same office you go to and seeing your birth announcement on the wall of babies . After Owen I remember pausing a little longer and having to catch my breath , holding my boys hand a little harder . I read because I never knew you were such a strong woman . Somehow you always keep me in check with whats truly important ! ! Reply Dawn August 2 , 2011 at 7 : 48 am Your story had definitely touched my life . I am thankful for your honest raw feelings . I think it helps us all understand . I had a cousin how lost one of her twin sons at 10 days old and reading what you are going through - your very " raw " words helps me understand what they may have been feeling but never expressed . I think your story also helps me appreciate what I have - I have triplets too - 16 months old - you can never take their health for granted ! I can 't imagine going through what you have . I look forward to your blog postings - you are an inspiration - I am impressed that you can write down your raw feelings for the world to read - I can 't imagine how hard your daily life is - but we love to hear about those things too - yes the blueberry spit up and everything 🙂 Thank you for putting yourself and your family out there . Don 't feel a burdon to " keep the blog interesting " just be you like you have been to this point and do what feels right for Owen . I think of you often - everytime I put orange on the babies - especially when they play with this " smart phone " that they have - it is orange and the character on the phone is an owl - it reminds me of you and I say a little prayer for your family everytime we play with it - which is often - I think your boys NEED one or probably two 🙂 Reply Shell August 2 , 2011 at 8 : 33 am Why do I read ? For a number of reasons . Initially it was a call for prayer when a coworker who had heard of your blog through a friend when Owen first got sick . I followed daily hoping you would receive good news . Eventually , I went back and read your entire blog and continue to look it up daily to see if you 've posted anything new . I have to say when I first started reading my faith wasn 't very strong - you 're unwaivering faith in God has blown me away and made me more aware of our own shortcomings . We have started going to church on a regular basis again . Your blog has helped heal my own pain of losing my nephew 20 years ago ( which also has everything to do with my lack of faith ) . I feel like you helped " heal " me in that way . Your strength has astounded me - even though you don 't think you are strong . Everytime I see / wear orange or one of my kids too I think of your family and hope your day is going well . I feel as though I know you personally , even though it 's only through your blog - you write so beautifully . I wish I knew you personally - I think we 'd get a long awesomely … you don 't b . s . and tell it like it is . As for a memorial for Owen … I think it will come to you in time ; some things can 't be rushed . It will probably come to you when you are least expecting it and it will feel so right that you will know that 's what you are supposed to do . In the meantime , I think what you are doing now … spreading faith , organ donation and sharing your story with us is already something that God and Owen would want you to do . If I were to meet you I 'd also give you a big hug . . you 've been such an inspiration to me and helping me to heal something I didn 't realize I was so lost from . Thank you from the bottom of my heart . Blessings to you and your family and Owen watching you from Heaven . Reply Krista N Josh Low August 2 , 2011 at 9 : 17 am I found your blog from a friend of yours that you knew in high school , I had just lost my daughter a month prior to reading your blog , I enjoyed reading it because we had something in common , I woke to my daughter being gone , The hospital tried for two hours to revive her , it is the worst thing anyone can ever go through , I was so strong for so long and now I am at my breaking point , I don 't know what to do anymore ! I am going to be honest when u said " what makes me and Owen so much more important than any other baby " I have felt the same way , about my daughter with this story , why does your son get all the attention my daughter was 2 months and 3 days when she passed why does she not get this attention ! Jealous is the way I was feeling god does not want us to be jealous about someone or something ! They still have not given us a cause of death and this is so hard not to know why or what happened ! She slept for hours the night before was this my warning sign something was going to happen and I missed it ! My daughter was at children 's for 5 days strait 4 days prior to her passing for them to say we are looking at SIDS when she clearly was sick angers me ! Look deeper there is something you are missing there has to be she was SICK ! She was getting better they say , so you are telling me its coincidental that my daughter was admitted to children 's for 5 days on oxygen , they release her cuz shes getting better , we go back to the ped . the day after we got released , again shes retracting a little she said she looked like she was getting better and then she passed three days later ! Ok let me stop the anger is building up ! God bless you though for sharing your story , and to figure out what u need to do don 't rush it god will guide you through this . Hugs to you Reply Amanda Jackson August 2 , 2011 at 9 : 25 am I 'm completely changed by your blog and by your Owen ! I 'm blown away at your strength and courage , your selflessness , but especially in your faith . Your faith is SO strong and has never seemingly been waivered . You are amazing to me . I think of my kids . The love for my children has always been strong , but now I appreciate them more . I had never seen my children as being " on borrow from the big man upstairs " , but they are ! Now I realize that … Keep praying … the Lord does things in His time . And if you aren 't ready to set the memorial plan in action , then you don 't have to just yet . You can hold off and think a little more . No one would hold that against you . No matter what you choose to do though , Owen loves you and he will help you make the right decision . I don 't think I am going to be much help , but I couldn 't ignore your wanting to know why you , why Owen , why your blog , what it means to me . I came upon your blog and started reading it initially because of the triplets . My daughter is on fertility medicine and I was thinking " we might be this blessed one day " . I wanted to see what life was like with 3 at the same age . You write well , and real . So I continued to follow . Then came every parents nightmare - putting a healthy baby to bed only to have tragedy take them away . Now I followed because we were sharing a similar road . My foster son didn 't die , but after raising him and his sister for a year , and looking forward to being their Forever Mommy , they were taken away and placed in another home . The pain was unbearable . I kept reading your blog to see where in your journey you are , and to pray for you at each step . Telling you that you will breathe again , and without the heart stopping pain is a moot point . You 'll know that yourself when the time comes . Until then you 'll get up , take in air , let it out , eat , take care of your family , cry , laugh , ache , sleep and do it again . Rather than being a depressing description of your life , it is actually healing you are going through . Remember your car wreck and injuries ? You didn 't walk , or go pain free , within days of the accident . You won 't move through your grief for your child any faster . Even if you stopped writing today I 'd still pray for you , care about you and your family . As to the memorial I have a question - are you afraid that if you put your plans for the memorial on the back burner for awhile that it might never get done ? I am a go getter . If I have an idea , for anything , I want to go for it now , this minute , get out of my way . I , too , have a sense of what feels right , and if it feels right I 'll move mountains to see it through . I also can plummet to the depths of despair if it doesn 't feel right and I am lost as to what to do . Because I fear I 'll never get motivated if I wait , like I have to strike while the iron is hot . I also want burning bush revelations , not gentle whispers . I 'm rather hard of hearing and I worry about missing those whispers . But what I want to suggest , and feel free to ignore it - you have to do what works for you - but maybe this is a time to be still and let God show you . Yes , it feels like He 's dropped you off and no map , but that 's what my daughter feels about the baby she can 't have right now and I know that 's not true . God was with Jesus in Gethsemane and He 's with us in our garden of pain . I have every confidence that there is something worthy of Owen and you will know it when it comes to you and that waiting for that perfect idea is not a bad thing . Remember the book the Christmas Box ? If I remember correctly the author just wrote it for his kids and family / friends . He had no idea that grieving parents would latch on to the part in the book of the garden and angel , and that it would be a legacy of his book to make special places for grief and healing to take place for parents whose children had died . Your precious memorial may already be forming in your heart and you just don 't know it yet . If you give it some time that idea will grow until you have no doubt . Reply jodi August 2 , 2011 at 11 : 28 am why ? because , mel , you are a good person . not even justa good person , a great person . a great mom . that 's why i follow you . you offer me hope , show me how to live . i would give just about anything to take away your pain , and i feel that by listening to you , through your blogs , i can at least be another set of open arms for you . Reply missi August 2 , 2011 at 12 : 13 pm Why you , why your blog , why Owenge ? ? ? ? For me it is because your story could very easily be any of our stories ! This hit close to home for me because I to am a mom of multiples and my babies are not much older than yours ! I am guilty of the early days of my pregnancy and again the newborn phase of quietly asking God why I was chosen to be given the blessing but also HARD job of being a mom to multiples . I would then feel horrible for even questioning the hand that was dealt to me and often wondered if anything were to ever happen to either of them would it be my fault for questioning God 's will . I have learned many things about myself since becoming a mom , and one of those is the appreciation I have for " real " people especially " real " moms . By this I mean those that don 't sugarcoat things , who are not afraid to be truthful . Yes , we all love are children and know we are blessed to have them in our lives , but I love to read other " Mommy Blogs " where moms are keeping it real ! This is why I love your blog so much and why I care . Reply Kathy August 2 , 2011 at 2 : 12 pm I read your blog because you are real . I appreciate your willingness to share your faith and your fears . Sometimes I feel I am " too Christian " for some of my friends and " not Christian enough " for others ( which is a ridiculous idea in itself . But your blog reminds me that " real Christians " do have struggles , doubts , fears , as well as joy and peace . So please keep it up because whether it is through the tragic loss of Owen or the everyday details of motherhood you are witnessing in a mighty way ! 🙂 Reply Jill Browning August 2 , 2011 at 3 : 21 pm Why ? Because it helps me to appreciate my blessings more . And because your strength is inspiring . It is too easy to take things for granted and pretend like bad things don 't happen . Reading stories like Owen 's humbles me and puts things into perspective . Reading stories like yours teaches me that it is possible to move on after tragedy . I am learning through your experiences . They are not in vain . As a mother , my heart breaks for you . I can 't imagine experiencing the horror you have . I hope I never have to , but if I do , I will look to your experiences and example for strength . Thank you so much for sharing . xo - Jill Why you ? My son was born shortly before Owen , so I could relate immediately . Reading backwards through your blog , I was drawn in by the pictures that put such a beautiful face to the boy I had been reading about . Beyond that , you have a concise way of articulating everything - the pain , hopes , fears and indecision . You make me look at the world differently . When someone is grumpy or rude , I give them slack as I wonder what they may be going through . I hug my son tighter , longer . When he wants to sleep in our bed , I cherish his smell , his warmth . I take time to really hear his laughs . Reply Rachel August 2 , 2011 at 5 : 04 pm I think the story , your story is moving because you were so honest in what was going on and where you are at and it 's heart wrenching to see someone go through the loss of a child regardless if you know the person or not . For me it 's a reminder of how blessed I am and on those days you get frustrated as a parent and want to scream and think what am I doing it makes you more humble and grateful for what you do have . It 's a very real reminder of how fleeting life can be and how little control we have over it no matter how hard we try . It 's a reminder that God does have a plan and even when it 's something as horrible as losing a child you have no idea where it can take you , where it can take others and who it will touch and what it can change . A small ripple can become a large wave . As for what you are doing or supposed to do I don 't have the answer to that but I can share a little bit of my story with you in hopes that it will guide you in the right direction . In January 2010 I was struggling in my marriage , struggling in finding my own way , what is it I am supposed to do with my life . There are so many things I am interested in but which one is the right one . At 32 years old and a mother of 3 you would think I would know what I 'd want to be when I grew up ! I was given a small book from a friend called , Prayer of Jabez . The book is about what the prayer means and how to pray it and how it will change your life . The long and short of it is that we are all given talents and we are to use those talents to glorify God . If we pray to God for more , not in a selfish way ( more wealth , easy life , etc … ) but to help others and to open our boundaries in ways to glorify God that you will be surprised with the results . So that 's what I did . I prayed for guidance in what I am supposed to be doing , I prayed for ways to help others , I prayed for God to open my boundaries and show me a different way . Around that same time I walked into church and there was an opportunity to goI hope it helps and don 't put so much pressure on yourself to figure it all out . You will figure it out when you are supposed to . Just try and sit still and be silent in prayer and when something comes across your path on a random day that affects you , pulls you and you just cannot ignore it that is your sign . I hope that you feel how loved your family is from the world over who have been blessed enough to read your blog , to pull from your strength in their own time of weakness and those who have been given a very tangible reminder of how fragile life is . I pray for you and your family often . May the days ahead bring a smile to your face and ease the sadness from your hearts . I 've been following your blog since the night you found Owen in his crib . I 've since gone through previous posts and I 've been following your story ever since . I 'm in NS , Canada . Although I 'm thousands of miles away from you , I feel like I know you . So , why do I follow ? I follow for many reasons . Your honesty and faith have captivated me . The devastation of losing a child brought me to tears many nights while I read your blog and I continue to come back to see how you 're coping . How any parent who lost a child can cope is beyond me but I come back to send you prayers telepathically through a computer screen . I follow because I 've come to love Owen as though I 've known him . I continue to pray for you and your family , Mel , and I pray and love you all . Reply Nicci August 3 , 2011 at 7 : 52 am I don 't have children . I continue to read your blog and talk about it and share it with others because your unwavering faith in God is an example we should all live by . You were losing your little boy and your faith was beyond what most of us think we are capable of . That 's why your story touched me . I wanted to respond to your question today , of why Owen 's story was different than other ones for me . I think the most important reason is because your blog has shared your faith and personal feelings and that has touched many of us and made it become personal for us . I think it also helped as a member of your church having had the chance to see Owen and his brothers which made it real when the incident happened . When I see orange which was always one of my personal favorite colors , it reminds me of Owen and your family 's struggles . No matter what you decide regarding Owen 's memorial it will be what is right for you . Know that we are praying for your family daily and that you are a true blessing in faith to all . Reply kelly kastner - fouts August 3 , 2011 at 9 : 13 am Why am I moved ? Intertwined in your life and the life of your beautiful son ? Why do I secretly read and re - read your postings , when no one is around - in private , like a crack addict ? It has taken me sometime to respond to your blog and today just seems to be the right time … . because You deserve to know why I am moved by what you are going through . You see , I too have an Owen … and three other kids . And one year ago we lost our Owen too . Not in the same way that you lost your Owen , but the Owen that we loved and held and cherished , for 15 months fell into our swimming pool - and that Owen died . Today , one year later , we have the " new " Owen … the sweet , beautiful , miraculous - but oh so damaged Owen , who works so hard everyday to come back to us . And oh how I pray for him to come back to us , if even just a little bit . And so I read your blog , and I pray for your family - and I am grateful for your Owen , his story and your faith and strength makes some of my sleepless nights a little more bearable . We also wear Orange for our Owen ( ironic isn 't it ? ) , but for a different reason … . when we were at Children 's Hospital last year , my Dad starting putting the orange housekeeping rubberbands around his wrist and when people asked him why he had them on , he 'd say " for Owen " . And it stuck , before we knew it we couldn 't keep enough orange rubber bands in his room and so I eventually ordered some orange rubber bracelets for everyone to wear . We love Owenge ! I love hearing you talk about Owenge , it gives me strength and hope for the future . I am grateful to you and need to know that . And you need to know that whatever direction you choose to go - is yours alone , trust me there are no texts books on how to deal with this kind of grief . We are writing our own stories as we go . Everytime I wear my orange Just Breathe shirt now I think of you , and try to send positive thoughts your way - so that you will remember to take time and just breathe . Reply Shannon W August 3 , 2011 at 1 : 45 pm Mel , so many other posters have put my thoughts into words much better than I could ever do , but I 'll try to explain to you why I read . I , too , have suffered from depression since middle school . I have an 8 year old daughter who is such an absent minded professor and a 2 year old son who gets great pleasure out of destroying anything and everything . I was starting to reach my breaking point . Then , I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd child . Throughout my pregnancy I resented this baby . Even after she was born , I had thoughts of why am I doing this again . How can I handle raising 3 kids when all I want to do is crawl under a rock until I feel better … as if I can just magically feel better . Why can 't there be a miracle pill that you take and can instantly turn me into a happy , functioning , nurturing mother ? Why is being a mother who struggles with depression so hard ? Then I read a friend 's facebook status requesting prayers for Owen . I 've read all of your posts … from the very beginning now . You are an AMAZING writer ! ! ! You put your thoughts and feelings down so beautifully . I relate to your joys , frustrations , and guilt in being a mother , wife , and just a human being . I check back here daily hoping you 'll put into writing just how I 'm feeling . Your words are validating my feelings . We 're human . We make mistakes . We 're mortals . Our life on Earth isn 't forever . Some are here for such a short time . Why does God do what he does ? I struggle with this question each and every day . What I can say is that I suspect you 're a lot like me in being self - critical . You want to do things right . You don 't want to disappoint others . Sometimes we just need to cut ourselves some slack and acknowledge that we 're doing the best we can . And for today , our best is good enough . I 've been going through a rough time after the loss of my fiance , and have struggled with depression as well . Over the last 2 years , I have felt God ministering to me ( sloooowly ) . Grief is not a cookie - cutter business . It takes longer than we want it to , but I am starting to believe again that God is with us every step of the way , and that faith isn 't about a feeling as much as we may think . For not being a believer , she 's certainly got it right . His " will " is one of the most common things that we all misunderstand , but if you are seeking Him , His " will " is RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE . Whichever flowers you decide on for the memorial , whatever decisions you make to honor Owen , you are still honoring him . And the way you choose it to be will be the right choice . God cares about the heart , and He gives us freedom to make these choices . Reply Megan August 3 , 2011 at 8 : 18 pm I 've been reading your blog since Owen was taken to the hospital . It was posted on someone 's wall , I can 't even quite remember who , but someone from Norbert 's where I also went to school . And I was drawn to it . Call me crazy but I 'm somehow drawn to these horrific stories that you can 't possibly imagine happening to someone . And I haven 't been able to leave your blog since . I check back at least once a week to see how you are even though we 've never met . 2 years ago my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 throat and lung cancer . My dad is my world and my world had been shattered when I found this out . They live in Colorado and I visited often , helping to go to cancer treatments , doctor 's appts . He was supposed to go through 35 days of radiation treatment . On the night of his 34th ( was almost finished ! ) he slipped out of consciousness and my mom found him unresponsive around 3am . He was taken to the hospital and has never been the same since . They say he suffered a brain injury to the frontal lobe . He 's lost his personality , his laugh , everything that made him , him , is gone . So I guess when I read your story , my heart just ached . Although our stories are so very different , I somewhat relate to this in a weird way and writing to you helps me . I pray that miracles do happen and that maybe , just maybe , my dad will return to me one day . He 's been fighting the cancer now for almost 2 years so I need to thank God for that , right ? I will continue to pray for you and your family . You 're a beautiful writer and Owen would be so proud of what you have done in the short amount of time since he 's been gone . Reply Nicole August 4 , 2011 at 6 : 40 am Your faith and brutal honesty is what has moved me . God is always near , sometimes he is just quietly watching over us until the proper time for action . For my father that was 3 years until he was ready . Then we could fully understand that the worst case scenario surgery was actually the biggest blessing . Hang in there , God is answering your prayers . His timing will bring understanding and you will know the proper memorial when it is time . God Bless you and your family . Reply Katie August 4 , 2011 at 12 : 12 pm Melissa , what moved me … and still does move me is how your story has Gods will throughout . Why did the second baby fall asleep just when he did … which sent someone into their room at just the right moment … and instead of leaving Owen sleeping as he was that person touched him … which allowed you to keep him alive long enough to save 2 children ! God made all that happen . Lined up those events just right . And although those 2 other people 's miracles meant your world shattering you lived it with grace , accepting gods will . Be still . Once you pray about this … follow what is on your heart . Don 't second guess yourself . What is in your heart is what God has put there ! And remember … the thing or things you do don 't have to be huge or extravagant . Think of little Owen . He was a tiny package who made an enourmous impact . Reply Emily Schober August 5 , 2011 at 12 : 53 am Melissa - wow - so many responses to this blog entry ! I 've never commented before , well maybe just one short comment . I don 't know , I guess it 's not just Owen but that you could be any of us . I have triplets also , and am just a regular mom like you . Any of us can find out at any time that we have just months to live , and I guess that 's what compelling about your story . Not just to hug my own kids tighter but to let some of my anger and frustration go with them or with my husband , because all of us are short timers on this planet . I think whatever memorial you decide upon , will be a good one . Anything that brings happines or joy or peace or comfort to other people will be a blessing . Whether it 's toward a children 's hospital or towards SIDS or donations towards a children 's playground , if it brings happiness or help or strength or comfort to another person it will be well worth it and a fitting tribute to Owen . Don 't worry too much about making it perfect . Whatever you do will be with much love for the world , it is who you are and that 's why we like reading you posts , I guess it 's the love for your family and for the world and your kindness . It just shines through ! Orange for Owen , and for you . Orange for everyone ! Orange for peace . Reply Kristy D ' Abruzzo August 5 , 2011 at 8 : 37 pm I am also a November 2010 Mommy ( twins ) and started following your blog the night it happened after someone posted a link for us to pray for Owen on the Nov 2010 fb page . Losing Owen broke my heart and I have prayed for your continued strength more times then I can count . Why Owen ? He is the same age as my babies and his face makes my heart melt , what a cutie ! ! ! I follow your blog because I am blown away at your grace and honesty during the past few months . You are so open about everything that it feels more like I am reading a friends letter then a strangers blog and by reading it I feel as if I am supporting you and being a shoulder to lean on and maybe that will in some strange way bring comfort to you . Where do you go ? You can do no wrong , anything you do to honor Owen is perfect and exactly what you should be doing . I posted a photo of my babies supporting Owen dressed in Orange and I wear a orange wrist band reminding me that I should never take one second for granted . Reply kim August 5 , 2011 at 9 : 01 pm Hi Mel , I also am addicted to your blog . I read everyday . We are close in age , you live a town away from me . Its so strange to think , I feel like I no you , and we have never met . I think about you and your kiddos everytime I see , wear , or put orange on my kiddos . I have no idea why I love your blog . We lost my step son at 4 years old . I feel like all losses connect people , especially mothers . I am so heart broken over your experience . I understand most of your emotions . You are an excellent writer ! ! I am astounded by your faith , and deep love for God , it deepens my faith to read your words . Your Jaden sounds hillarious ! Im praying for you , and your boys , and hubby . You are an amazing woman . The orange , the blog , the sights and sounds and feelings never leave . Owen will always be on your mind and in your heart , you are his mom . Thank you for sharing your life with us ! ! ( ( ( ( ( hugs ) ) ) ) ) Reply Diane Anderson August 7 , 2011 at 12 : 04 am Mel , Your story is different to me because although Owen is not the first baby I have heard about passing , You are the first mother who has been open , honest and upfront about your emotions and your families emotions . You have taken your readers and friends into a very quiet and sacred place , typically reserved for family , not strangers . You opened your world to us and gave us a chance to get to know Owen , what your feelings are and where and what your future may hold . This blog wasn 't just a beginning , middle and an end . There were cliff hangers but we were right there with you hanging on the cliff , praying for peace to Owen and your family . Sobbing daily , crying often , glued to the " what next " ? Reaching out to us and we were and are all trying to reach in to show our love for your family . To want to unburden your from a pain that is alas yours to carry . That is the hardest reality , that you are the only one who can come to terms with this . I wear Owenge often hoping to one day meet someone else out there who knows the story . I want to meet another random , like minded person . Owenge , Owen was a sweet looking baby and hopefully without upsetting you , I think he looks the most like you . I hope that you find your purpose and run with it . As you say , color the world Owenge ! Reply cynthia August 8 , 2011 at 9 : 26 pm I think it is you and Owen . You have a way of inspiring people . and maybe this is your purpose . to inspire . to help others change . i know it may sound funny but what better legacy for owen then helping others be better people . the pay it forward is a great way to describe it . if you can inspire people to do something good for someone else and they in turn inspire others that could be huge . you aways refer to owen as a worrior . maybe you are here to gather his army . an army of people who do good for others . just remember inspiration is a wonderful gift . a gift that you really do have . thank you for inspiring me . RT @ BethMooreLPM : Let 's try it . No fear til noon . Then no fear til supper . Then no fear til bedtime . Then no fear til midnight . Just today ? … 2 days ago WordPress . com Three Times the Fun · I don 't suffer from insanity … I enjoy every minute of it ! Create a free website or blog at WordPress . com . Send to Email Address Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
|
Princess Fiona works in my office . No , not the ugly / hot chick from Shrek . Its merely a moniker I bestowed upon a co - worker when I wanted to be clever as I listened to our receptionist disparaging her . The receptionist thought it was hysterical so we still use the name when Fiona 's not around . Our receptionist , let 's call her " Fiery Latina " , is all about " fair " . As in , " that 's so not fair " and " I don 't get to such - and - such why does she get to ? " You know the type . I like her . I really do , but sometimes her complaining gets under my skin . It takes very little for her to get pissed off at the apparent preferential treatment Princess Fiona gets . Normally , I kind of roll my eyes when she frequently goes off , but it can also be a source of amusement for me . However , I recently discovered something that would really set her off . Now , Princess Fiona has a job that 's on the same level as mine , although I 've been here much longer and we have completely different tasks . I also make quite a bit more than her too . So , I have that going for me ! Anyway , the Princess is allowed to work " mom " hours ; meaning 7 to 3 . That 's cool . I understand she needs to do it and this company is very good about compromise and flexible schedules and family and all that crap . Hell , they to pay us for lunch hence my 8 : 30 to 4 : 30 schedule instead of coming in at 8 or leaving at 5 . Having said that , Fiona regularly comes in 15 to 20 minutes late which I saw again firsthand last week when I came in at 6 : 30 a . m . Usually nobody 's here before 7 : 30 or so . So unless a boss called the office she 's pretty " safe " doing it . But she does it every day . Frankly , I don 't really give a shit so I 'd never say anything . I look at things as the company and me . As long as the other 's work doesn 't affect my work negatively , I don 't really care if someone is late , or goofs off ( as I write this blog during work time ) or takes tons of time off or even does a shitty job . As long as they restock the paper when its out I 'm good . That friggin ' paper is always out too . Anyway , I feel Posted by Hey there everyone ! Its me , Super Mario ! ! Nouveau is STILL slamming at work so he asked me to swing by his blog and let everyone know he 's busy working his ass off for " the man " . Well , he does get paid for it , so its all good . Anyway , I 'm going to try to help him through the crappy end of this month and his mountain of files and calls but since my expertise is more along the lines of princess rescuing , key searching and mushroom hopping I 'm afraid I 'll be of little assistance . Fear not , however , he 'll be back with his sleep - inducing attemps at humor , incredibly over - wordy rants , baseless diatribes , convoluted opinions , pseudo - sycophantic familial tales and knife to the eye warranting movie reviews . I 've been slammed at work this week as I usually am this time of year . I haven 't even had time to think about what to write let alone sit and write something . At least I was authorized for overtime . So I have that going for me . Perhaps someone I 'm dealing with at work will piss me off and grant me inspiration to write . Stay tuned . * * * Updated 6 hours later * * * I have a slightly unusual first name . Its one everyone is familiar with but not so common that if someone calls my company and asks for me by first name alone , the receptionist ( du jour around here ) will have trouble knowing who they want ( no , its not Lars , or Gunther , or Kermit , or Wolfgang ) . Anyway , I was giving a woman information so she could call me back about a matter of importance . " . . . . and your name ? " " Nouveau " " Do you have a last name ? " Long pause as I think about answering " No , I 'm like Madonna or Cher or Fabio or Slash or Pink or Jewel or Sinbad or Prince or Flea or Charo or Sting or Beck or Bono or Liberace ( ok not like him ) or Seal or . . . . . . . . . Yeah ! I 'm THAT important ! ! " But I didn 't . I wanted to , but I didn 't . " Blogger " I said . Our weather has finally broken into spring ! Highs near 80 on Friday , over the weekend and into today . About friggin ' time ! Therefore , Friday night I went to Home Depot to get some items I needed for the work I planned over the weekend . It took awhile plus I needed gas and beer . Got home in time to watch the Red Sox play the Yankees and make a great 8th inning comeback to win ! Woo hoo ! Saturday morning I got up very , very early to get a run in before I went to play golf . Alarm buzzed me at 4 : 45 ! VERY proud of myself . Did three plus miles in which I saw two deer down the end of my road , showered and went to the course an hour before tee off to work on my game . I thought I found where the problem has been with my swing but it only lasted the front nine . Shot 44 then 50 ! 94 total ! Argh ! I should be in the mid 80 's not mid 90 's ! Oh well . I 'm trying to have fun still but feel pretty frustrated out there . Came home and immediately got to work on installing a new decorative retainer wall along the front of the house among other yardwork . That took up a good chunk of the day . Showered up in time for Red Sox / Yankees game at 4pm . Another great win thank you very much ! During the game my sister - in - law called because she wanted to take the Little One overnight . Fine by me ! So Mrs . Blogger and I decided to go out for dinner . First we called friends of ours to join us but they weren 't around so we went to a nice little place we go to maybe twice a year . Surprised to learn the restaurant was having a comedy show in the lounge . Perfect ! When we walked into the lounge who was there ? The friends we called ! More perfect ! They were with other friends as well . Four couples . None of them go there very often either . What are the odds we go that particular night ? Anyway , we had a blast ! The comedians were quite funny . We also had lots of laughs about Mrs . B 's low - cut blouse . The women commented a few times about " them " much to Mrs . B 's embarrassment . The guys noticed too , but didn 't comment as much . She 's not huge by any stretch , but they ' Posted by I went to a smallish state college probably more known for its baseball than its academics . I 'm quite sure when the Trustees got together they vacillated between new shrubs to surround the baseball grandstands or books for the library . At least the field always looked nice ! Anyway , my sophomore year I was lucky enough to land housing in a " suite " . A suite meant four guys , two bedrooms , a kitchen , living room and bathroom . One of my roommates , Steve , and I became very good friends although we didn 't share a bedroom . His bedroom roommate quit school about 4 weeks into the semester so he had a room all to himself . Well , all to himself on nights his pornstar - moaning girlfriend didn 't stay over . Which was often . My bedroom roommate worked as a dispatcher for campus police . He was rarely around in the evening and when he didn 't work stayed over his girlfriend 's place or went home to mommy . So essentially , Steve and I shared a two - bedroom suite with occasional visits from my roomie , usually in the form of an afternoon nap . Now Steve liked him some ganja . Pot . Weed . Herb . Mary Jane . He was a wake and bake guy . Within minutes of his morning alarm going off there was a sweet smell emanating from his room . When he came back from class he sparked up . After dinner he hit the pipe again . It didn 't bother me at all but it wasn 't my thing except for maybe after a raucous night of drinking when I might be thinking none - too - clearly and imbibe with him . Frequently we would start some crazy drinking game called Mexicans where if you rolled snake - eyes you did a gravity - bong . Yeah , good idea Bob Marley , I 'll go along with that ! Then I 'd get all paranoid . Of course , Steve could get away with partying his way through school . He freely admitted his instructions from his old man upon leaving for college was to just graduate . That 's all he had to do . Graduate . Naturally , he went for the easiest business degree available and fist - pumped his nights away with every " C " or better . Then he 'd get himself good and baked . You see , his dad had a millioPosted by On Saturday , I went to help my father - in - law dig some fence - post holes . He needed three for a little project and since he lives on somewhat rocky soil one must break the all - too - frequent stones with an iron bar . I know that his arthritis is killing him so Easter Sunday I offered to help and Saturday seemed as good a day as any . It was a royal pain and certainly hard work but I was done in about an hour and tried to make it a workout . I like to do things for him as he is the first to help me with any of my projects . He was sincerely appreciative for my help although I know he wishes he didn 't need the help . Too much pride perhaps but I understand completely . Afterward we hung out in his sprawling garage and bullshitted as we downed a couple cold ones while I ogled with envy his incredible display of tools and machines . My mother - in - law called us in for dinner just as Mrs . Blogger was arriving from some studies . After dinner we had a nice soak in his hot tub complete with plenty of conversation and more adult beverages well into the evening . He spins a good tale as he tells me of his time growing up , or in the military , or about jobs he 's held . I retort with my own tales and he makes for a good audience . Many of his stories I 've heard before , of course , but I rarely say so preferring to let him finish . He was surprised to hear that I had begun dating his daughter 19 years ago . Strange in a way because 19 years ago puts him only a few years older than I am now . Usually his stories are funny and he 's not afraid to show himself as flawed in his younger days . I admire that . Its nice to know the real man and I respect him and what he 's been through and from where he came . I love hearing about it all . I know he has probably embellished the rehashed accounts over the years as I 've heard his quips about his " twin - half - stepbrother Spudloaf " numerous times . The jokes are kind of corny but I still find myself laughing sincerely . Many exaggerated tales he 's probably told so often they 're real in his head at this point , so there ' sPosted by Last night I watched " Munich " . Directed by Steven Spielberg , its the story about 1972 Munich Olympics massacre and its aftermath . Eleven Israeli athletes were taken hostage by the Palestinians during the games and the German 's attempt at a rescue resulted in all their deaths at the hands of their captors . Of course , Israel adheres to a strict " eye - for - an - eye " type retaliatory code and always seeks revenge on those that kill Jews . Eric Bana , of The Hulk and Black Hawk Down fame , plays the man commissioned to assassinate those responsible . He is given a crew of Daniel Craig , the new Bond , as a trigger man along with an expert forger , bomb - maker and clean - up man . All are " off the grid " in that Israel " doesn 't know them " but they are financed and paid by them to complete their mission . The mission itself makes for a good thriller . Spielberg directs with a very nice , understated , but violent , touch . Of course the acting is very good too , as can be expected . Its a haunting movie which really causes the viewer to think . What sets it apart is how Bana 's character , Avner , begins to realize the futility of his mission . As death comes easier and easier to him he loses colleagues and comes to realize that no matter how many of those responsible are executed , they will merely be replaced by those perhaps more ruthless . Muddying the ideal , too , is the attitude of avenging death that avenged other deaths that avenged those preceding them going back for who knows how long . When did it begin ? More importantly , when will it end ? Spielberg 's tale raises more questions than answers . Of course , Spielberg himself is Jewish . He plays it a bit balanced though in allowing us to see into the Palestinians side of things , albeit to a lesser degree . There 's a terrific scene of dialogue between Avner and a PLO operative at one point . Of course , they meet later too but I will withhold details . Avner also begins to suspect that his government may be misleading him and his crew into assassinations that may not have anything to do with Munich but may Posted by I 've mentioned my nearly four and a half year old daughter , " The Little One " , a few times here but I thought a post ABOUT her would be fun . Well , maybe not fun , but I don 't have any ideas today and I was just thinking of her . Proud parents will always say how smart and bright their child is . Of course , I 'm no different . I DO wonder if someone out there says , " Little Jimmy ? Yeah , he 's a good boy , but not the sharpest tack in the drawer " . They can 't ALL be smart , can they ? . Anyway , I hear from her teachers and relatives and others that after a conversation with her they can 't believe how smart she is or the words she uses . At four she had already met all her criteria for kindergarten , academically and socially , but doesn 't start until September . Evidently , she 's a very vocal and precocious little girl who is better when others are around than for JUST mommy and daddy . Although , at times she has a slight stutter - which we 're about to begin services for - the outlook is good . She uses adult phrases and words constantly and in context . She has a knack , kind of like me , for remembering lines from movies . However , packaged with her apparent intelligence and vocalization comes stubbornness and manipulation . Case in point ; this morning she was VERY difficult . Maybe she didn 't ' sleep enough or feel well or the cold rain is getting to her . I asked her to help me help her get dressed . " I can 't do it ! ! " is her reply . Then she half - heartedly attempts it only when asked . Of course , the other week she did it just fine to make us " proud " , as she said . I ask her to start brushing her teeth but before I can paste her brush , " I CAN DO IT ! ! ! " . Great . I let her . She does an ok job so I ask her to start her teeth ( I finish them after to make sure at thorough job is done ) and I get " I don 't know how " . Of course she does . Then I threaten her to at least start and she flicks a tooth for a second . " No , you can do better than that " . Her answer is " No I can 't " Next its " Little One make sure you go potty " . She responds , " I don 't know where the Posted by I noticed that when I was golfing on Saturday , I became a bit winded walking up one of the steeper hills on the course . Such that for a minute or two , conversation was a tad labored . Yes , its a really big hill and kills ( figuratively ) other golfers so much that those that walk ( which I always do ) avoid that nine altogether . And , yes , I 'm 40 now . But still . . . . . When I mentioned it to Mrs . Blogger she sort of looked right through me . I think it was in the vein of " that 's not the Nouveau I know ! " but it might have been in the " yeah , you are letting yourself get disgustingly out of shape " . Hmmmm . . . . . In any event , I have only been to the gym three times since Vegas almost a month ago and before that I was concentrating more on lifting than cardio . I resolve to take this as a kick in the ass ! I can get back into the lifting no problem . The time off might have been good for me even as I 'm nursing assorted injuries . So , I lifted last night . That was great . Lately I 've had people tell me I looked bigger which is reward enough for how hard I worked over the winter . Do you know it takes a 40 year old twice as much working out to gain the same amount of muscle a 20 year old does ? There 's THAT much less testosterone in the system . How crappy is that ? My workouts were at the expense , somewhat , of my cardiovascular conditioning . I don 't care for the treadmill or the time out of the house nor the injuries I keep getting . But HATE not being in shape even more . So when I got home from the gym I went out for a run . Yeah , it was chilly ( fucking summer get here already ! They 're talking snow tonight ! ) , it was windy and I hated it for the most part , but I 'm going to really try to get three days running and one day biking per week until July 4 . Then reassess from there . And , since I stated it here I can 't let my good readers down can I ? Plus , I don 't EVER want that look from Mrs . B again . Furthermore , I need to start my fitday entries again too . Which I will , starting today ! I started slow last night . 1 . 5 miles in 12 : 28 ( my neighborhood is Posted by Radio personality Don Imus was suspended yesterday two weeks for comments he made on his radio show . I am unaware of the context in which he said it , as I 've only heard excerpts , but he attempted a lame joke in which he referred to the Rutger 's Women 's basketball team as " nappy - headed ho 's " . Certainly he is wrong . Of course those women deserve a profound and sincere apology . No doubt about it . Whatever punishment he receives is just fine by me . I 've heard , too , that he 's used racial slurs in his private life in the past . That goes to show , in my mind , where his mind is . I used to be somewhat a fan of his as I liked the political angle of his show and it was at times funny . He stepped way over the line in this instance , however . Punishment should and is being handed down . What kind of bugs me as well , though , are Al Sharpton 's and Jesse Jackson 's outrage about it . I believe both are calling for his head by wishing him fired . Fine . That 's their right and I believe the consuming public and his advertisers will have the last say in that . Having said that , they appear a bit hypocritical in this instance . Aside from the fact that both men have had past issues in which they 've had to apologize ( i . e . anti - Semitic remarks and the Tawana Brawley issue ) I wonder where their outrage is when rap music refers to women as " hos " , " bitches " or free use of the " N " word . Is this case that much different ? Why ? Because a white guy said it ? Why don 't they speak more vocally about their own race 's relative impunity when it comes to vocalizing the demeaning of women , using racial slurs or glorifying violence ? If they do , its certainly not with the vigor in which they 've come out against Imus . Surely , they both have the forum in the form of their own radio shows . I 've heard Jackson speak in person publicly . He was terrific . I came away informed and impressed . He could , if he was inclined , push an agenda that its simply wrong to demean women of ANY race . Its wrong for ANYONE to use racial slurs . He could speak more about the overuse of the tPosted by Had a nice little weekend . Here 's how it went : Friday : Woke up early so I decided to go into work so I could get out early if stuff was in order . Spent most of the day setting up my new work computer . Its such a hassle to transfer all the work related documents , data - bases and programs ( still doing it today ) . However , this new PC is so much faster and nicer . Also , it has the new Microsoft Vista Operating System . Its taking me a bit to get the hang of some aspects of it , but I will be fine . Loving the flat - panel screen and all the extra desk space . Things went well and it was quiet there , so I was able to bug out of work by 2 , hit the driving range on the drive home and spend a few hours with the family before I was off for poker night . Came in 6th out of 29 I think . Didn 't earn any money , but earned points toward the end of the year tournament . I 'm playing pretty well . Got home real late though at about 1 : 10 a . m . Saturday : Got up early again because I was golfing in the afternoon and wanted to get some stuff done around the house prior to going . Planned to clean and do some yardwork , however , I only ended up making an apple pie ( I am kind of learning to cook a few things ) for Easter Dessert . Spent lots of time chatting away with Mrs . Blogger so before I knew it it was time to head out to the course . I 've been practicing well so I expected to play well but didn 't . I played ok , shot 89 , but I can be so much better . I keep reminding myself its early but I 'm a bit disappointed in my game . Going to have to keep working hard . Having said that , it was cold and windy too - about 42 degrees . So that 's my excuse for now . Spring 's arrival is sure taking its sweet - ass time this year . Came home in time to shower and dress quickly as we were off to a 40 year old birthday party for a friend . It was in a little Mexican Restaurant that turned into a Karaoke bar at 9 . I was driving , so I had to soberly watch many of my idiot friends , who swore up and down at 9 : 15 they wouldn 't do it , make fools of themselves a few hours later . Ah ! MargaPosted by Well , Easter is fast approaching . Normally , its one of my least favorite holidays because - I 'm Agnostic , so the religious spirit of it doesn 't aftect me as much as others ; Peeps and Circus Peanuts could be the most disgusting things ever invented ; I don 't get any extra days off work ; I don 't care for Easter - type foods such as Ham and . . . . . . . ummmm . . . . . . . . ; It 's light on family as many of them are off to other locations ; Normally ( when its in March ) there 's no good sports to watch on TV . Having said that , its different this year in that I get joy from The Little One dressing up and excitedly searching for eggs . Plus , I can ogle Mrs . Blogger since she dresses for dinner too . A plus ! This year promises more family as a lot of Mrs . Blogger 's family are staying local and I haven 't seen some of them in quite a while . So that will be great . Easter is late enough this year so there 's baseball and the Master 's golf tournament that day . Knowing me , I 'll chow down on Easter Ham ( hopefully avoiding those damn peppercorns ) , have a few drinks , some great conversation and get home in time to watch the last hour of golf . Then on later that night on ESPN my team plays the Rangers in high definition . So I have that going for me . Now - - how the hell did the Easter Bunny and egg / candy hunts come about from a religious holiday ? And what the F kinda screwed up rabbit lays eggs ? I did a bit of Googling on the ' net . Apparently , prior to the birth of Christ , parents told their children that a magical hare would bring gifts for the spring festival . Those gifts , often times , were colored eggs which represented new life . Probably at some point it became more fun to make the kids work just a little for their treats , so the parents hid them ( citation ) . The bunny came about because it " had been a symbol of fertility and renewal of life which fit in with the tradition of Easter " ( citation ) . That and Trix Cereal of course . I 'm sure all of this is perpetuated by Hallmark , CVS , Walgreens and whathaveyou as well . Oh , and that company that makes the fake grass . NouveauBlogger I haven 't any ideas on a post today or yesterday for that matter . However , I have been involved in a discussion regarding the Iraq war in the comments section of one of Katie 's posts . So , if you 're interested in my thoughts on that perhaps you want to check it out . I hope Katie doesn 't mind . If she does , I can cut and paste some of it back to here . Yesterday I was doing a bunch of stuff around the house . One chore I wanted to accomplish was to move my wood pile ( I have an outdoor fireplace ) from beside the shed to behind the shed . I found it a bit of an eyesore . Well , I had been storing other eyesore - type stuff behind the shed , so I had to clear all that away first . Then I had to modify the wood stand I made to hold the firewood so that it would fit how and where I needed it to . Part of what I had behind the shed , from an earlier project , was a section of stockade fencing and some posts . So I thought it 'd be a great idea , so as to not be an eyesore for anyone , to install the fencing 4 ' away from the back of the shed . When finished I could store the wood inside and other crap , like gardening stuff , in the area I created . Nice and tidy and neat - - just the way I like it . And I 'm sure my neighbor to the rear , with the meticulously maintained pool and backyard , would like it too . So as I 'm putting the last post in ( which was too tall and would need to be trimmed later ) I had to use my new aluminum " Little Giant " ladder ( Xmas gift courtesy Mrs . B ) which I set up as an A - frame . I needed it to get above the post in order to hammer it down . Well , it must have been the dirt caked on my boots that caused me to I slip . My foot went inside the rung and inside the ladder which caused my fall to be awkward . I fell backwards and out but my lower leg stayed fixed and upright . Dammit ! I NEVER fall . My leg got twisted weirdly and hurt like hell . I mean , it REALLY hurt . I hobbled inside leaving all my tools and stuff outside . After contemplating it for an hour I decided ( along with Mrs . B 's persuation ) that I needed to go to the Emergency Room where I learned ( after over 3 hours ) that I cracked my fibula . Broken leg ! They tell me I will be laid up for 8 to 12 weeks with a cast . I MIGHT be able to walk on the cast the last two weeks . All this JUST as golf and softball season are about to start too ! So we 're talking mid - July before I can do ANYTHING and then I 'll need to restrengPosted by
|
Princess Fiona works in my office . No , not the ugly / hot chick from Shrek . Its merely a moniker I bestowed upon a co - worker when I wanted to be clever as I listened to our receptionist disparaging her . The receptionist thought it was hysterical so we still use the name when Fiona 's not around . Our receptionist , let 's call her " Fiery Latina " , is all about " fair " . As in , " that 's so not fair " and " I don 't get to such - and - such why does she get to ? " You know the type . I like her . I really do , but sometimes her complaining gets under my skin . It takes very little for her to get pissed off at the apparent preferential treatment Princess Fiona gets . Normally , I kind of roll my eyes when she frequently goes off , but it can also be a source of amusement for me . However , I recently discovered something that would really set her off . Now , Princess Fiona has a job that 's on the same level as mine , although I 've been here much longer and we have completely different tasks . I also make quite a bit more than her too . So , I have that going for me ! Anyway , the Princess is allowed to work " mom " hours ; meaning 7 to 3 . That 's cool . I understand she needs to do it and this company is very good about compromise and flexible schedules and family and all that crap . Hell , they to pay us for lunch hence my 8 : 30 to 4 : 30 schedule instead of coming in at 8 or leaving at 5 . Having said that , Fiona regularly comes in 15 to 20 minutes late which I saw again firsthand last week when I came in at 6 : 30 a . m . Usually nobody 's here before 7 : 30 or so . So unless a boss called the office she 's pretty " safe " doing it . But she does it every day . Frankly , I don 't really give a shit so I 'd never say anything . I look at things as the company and me . As long as the other 's work doesn 't affect my work negatively , I don 't really care if someone is late , or goofs off ( as I write this blog during work time ) or takes tons of time off or even does a shitty job . As long as they restock the paper when its out I 'm good . That friggin ' paper is always out too . Anyway , I feel Posted by Hey there everyone ! Its me , Super Mario ! ! Nouveau is STILL slamming at work so he asked me to swing by his blog and let everyone know he 's busy working his ass off for " the man " . Well , he does get paid for it , so its all good . Anyway , I 'm going to try to help him through the crappy end of this month and his mountain of files and calls but since my expertise is more along the lines of princess rescuing , key searching and mushroom hopping I 'm afraid I 'll be of little assistance . Fear not , however , he 'll be back with his sleep - inducing attemps at humor , incredibly over - wordy rants , baseless diatribes , convoluted opinions , pseudo - sycophantic familial tales and knife to the eye warranting movie reviews . I 've been slammed at work this week as I usually am this time of year . I haven 't even had time to think about what to write let alone sit and write something . At least I was authorized for overtime . So I have that going for me . Perhaps someone I 'm dealing with at work will piss me off and grant me inspiration to write . Stay tuned . * * * Updated 6 hours later * * * I have a slightly unusual first name . Its one everyone is familiar with but not so common that if someone calls my company and asks for me by first name alone , the receptionist ( du jour around here ) will have trouble knowing who they want ( no , its not Lars , or Gunther , or Kermit , or Wolfgang ) . Anyway , I was giving a woman information so she could call me back about a matter of importance . " . . . . and your name ? " " Nouveau " " Do you have a last name ? " Long pause as I think about answering " No , I 'm like Madonna or Cher or Fabio or Slash or Pink or Jewel or Sinbad or Prince or Flea or Charo or Sting or Beck or Bono or Liberace ( ok not like him ) or Seal or . . . . . . . . . Yeah ! I 'm THAT important ! ! " But I didn 't . I wanted to , but I didn 't . " Blogger " I said . Our weather has finally broken into spring ! Highs near 80 on Friday , over the weekend and into today . About friggin ' time ! Therefore , Friday night I went to Home Depot to get some items I needed for the work I planned over the weekend . It took awhile plus I needed gas and beer . Got home in time to watch the Red Sox play the Yankees and make a great 8th inning comeback to win ! Woo hoo ! Saturday morning I got up very , very early to get a run in before I went to play golf . Alarm buzzed me at 4 : 45 ! VERY proud of myself . Did three plus miles in which I saw two deer down the end of my road , showered and went to the course an hour before tee off to work on my game . I thought I found where the problem has been with my swing but it only lasted the front nine . Shot 44 then 50 ! 94 total ! Argh ! I should be in the mid 80 's not mid 90 's ! Oh well . I 'm trying to have fun still but feel pretty frustrated out there . Came home and immediately got to work on installing a new decorative retainer wall along the front of the house among other yardwork . That took up a good chunk of the day . Showered up in time for Red Sox / Yankees game at 4pm . Another great win thank you very much ! During the game my sister - in - law called because she wanted to take the Little One overnight . Fine by me ! So Mrs . Blogger and I decided to go out for dinner . First we called friends of ours to join us but they weren 't around so we went to a nice little place we go to maybe twice a year . Surprised to learn the restaurant was having a comedy show in the lounge . Perfect ! When we walked into the lounge who was there ? The friends we called ! More perfect ! They were with other friends as well . Four couples . None of them go there very often either . What are the odds we go that particular night ? Anyway , we had a blast ! The comedians were quite funny . We also had lots of laughs about Mrs . B 's low - cut blouse . The women commented a few times about " them " much to Mrs . B 's embarrassment . The guys noticed too , but didn 't comment as much . She 's not huge by any stretch , but they ' Posted by I went to a smallish state college probably more known for its baseball than its academics . I 'm quite sure when the Trustees got together they vacillated between new shrubs to surround the baseball grandstands or books for the library . At least the field always looked nice ! Anyway , my sophomore year I was lucky enough to land housing in a " suite " . A suite meant four guys , two bedrooms , a kitchen , living room and bathroom . One of my roommates , Steve , and I became very good friends although we didn 't share a bedroom . His bedroom roommate quit school about 4 weeks into the semester so he had a room all to himself . Well , all to himself on nights his pornstar - moaning girlfriend didn 't stay over . Which was often . My bedroom roommate worked as a dispatcher for campus police . He was rarely around in the evening and when he didn 't work stayed over his girlfriend 's place or went home to mommy . So essentially , Steve and I shared a two - bedroom suite with occasional visits from my roomie , usually in the form of an afternoon nap . Now Steve liked him some ganja . Pot . Weed . Herb . Mary Jane . He was a wake and bake guy . Within minutes of his morning alarm going off there was a sweet smell emanating from his room . When he came back from class he sparked up . After dinner he hit the pipe again . It didn 't bother me at all but it wasn 't my thing except for maybe after a raucous night of drinking when I might be thinking none - too - clearly and imbibe with him . Frequently we would start some crazy drinking game called Mexicans where if you rolled snake - eyes you did a gravity - bong . Yeah , good idea Bob Marley , I 'll go along with that ! Then I 'd get all paranoid . Of course , Steve could get away with partying his way through school . He freely admitted his instructions from his old man upon leaving for college was to just graduate . That 's all he had to do . Graduate . Naturally , he went for the easiest business degree available and fist - pumped his nights away with every " C " or better . Then he 'd get himself good and baked . You see , his dad had a millioPosted by On Saturday , I went to help my father - in - law dig some fence - post holes . He needed three for a little project and since he lives on somewhat rocky soil one must break the all - too - frequent stones with an iron bar . I know that his arthritis is killing him so Easter Sunday I offered to help and Saturday seemed as good a day as any . It was a royal pain and certainly hard work but I was done in about an hour and tried to make it a workout . I like to do things for him as he is the first to help me with any of my projects . He was sincerely appreciative for my help although I know he wishes he didn 't need the help . Too much pride perhaps but I understand completely . Afterward we hung out in his sprawling garage and bullshitted as we downed a couple cold ones while I ogled with envy his incredible display of tools and machines . My mother - in - law called us in for dinner just as Mrs . Blogger was arriving from some studies . After dinner we had a nice soak in his hot tub complete with plenty of conversation and more adult beverages well into the evening . He spins a good tale as he tells me of his time growing up , or in the military , or about jobs he 's held . I retort with my own tales and he makes for a good audience . Many of his stories I 've heard before , of course , but I rarely say so preferring to let him finish . He was surprised to hear that I had begun dating his daughter 19 years ago . Strange in a way because 19 years ago puts him only a few years older than I am now . Usually his stories are funny and he 's not afraid to show himself as flawed in his younger days . I admire that . Its nice to know the real man and I respect him and what he 's been through and from where he came . I love hearing about it all . I know he has probably embellished the rehashed accounts over the years as I 've heard his quips about his " twin - half - stepbrother Spudloaf " numerous times . The jokes are kind of corny but I still find myself laughing sincerely . Many exaggerated tales he 's probably told so often they 're real in his head at this point , so there ' sPosted by Last night I watched " Munich " . Directed by Steven Spielberg , its the story about 1972 Munich Olympics massacre and its aftermath . Eleven Israeli athletes were taken hostage by the Palestinians during the games and the German 's attempt at a rescue resulted in all their deaths at the hands of their captors . Of course , Israel adheres to a strict " eye - for - an - eye " type retaliatory code and always seeks revenge on those that kill Jews . Eric Bana , of The Hulk and Black Hawk Down fame , plays the man commissioned to assassinate those responsible . He is given a crew of Daniel Craig , the new Bond , as a trigger man along with an expert forger , bomb - maker and clean - up man . All are " off the grid " in that Israel " doesn 't know them " but they are financed and paid by them to complete their mission . The mission itself makes for a good thriller . Spielberg directs with a very nice , understated , but violent , touch . Of course the acting is very good too , as can be expected . Its a haunting movie which really causes the viewer to think . What sets it apart is how Bana 's character , Avner , begins to realize the futility of his mission . As death comes easier and easier to him he loses colleagues and comes to realize that no matter how many of those responsible are executed , they will merely be replaced by those perhaps more ruthless . Muddying the ideal , too , is the attitude of avenging death that avenged other deaths that avenged those preceding them going back for who knows how long . When did it begin ? More importantly , when will it end ? Spielberg 's tale raises more questions than answers . Of course , Spielberg himself is Jewish . He plays it a bit balanced though in allowing us to see into the Palestinians side of things , albeit to a lesser degree . There 's a terrific scene of dialogue between Avner and a PLO operative at one point . Of course , they meet later too but I will withhold details . Avner also begins to suspect that his government may be misleading him and his crew into assassinations that may not have anything to do with Munich but may Posted by I 've mentioned my nearly four and a half year old daughter , " The Little One " , a few times here but I thought a post ABOUT her would be fun . Well , maybe not fun , but I don 't have any ideas today and I was just thinking of her . Proud parents will always say how smart and bright their child is . Of course , I 'm no different . I DO wonder if someone out there says , " Little Jimmy ? Yeah , he 's a good boy , but not the sharpest tack in the drawer " . They can 't ALL be smart , can they ? . Anyway , I hear from her teachers and relatives and others that after a conversation with her they can 't believe how smart she is or the words she uses . At four she had already met all her criteria for kindergarten , academically and socially , but doesn 't start until September . Evidently , she 's a very vocal and precocious little girl who is better when others are around than for JUST mommy and daddy . Although , at times she has a slight stutter - which we 're about to begin services for - the outlook is good . She uses adult phrases and words constantly and in context . She has a knack , kind of like me , for remembering lines from movies . However , packaged with her apparent intelligence and vocalization comes stubbornness and manipulation . Case in point ; this morning she was VERY difficult . Maybe she didn 't ' sleep enough or feel well or the cold rain is getting to her . I asked her to help me help her get dressed . " I can 't do it ! ! " is her reply . Then she half - heartedly attempts it only when asked . Of course , the other week she did it just fine to make us " proud " , as she said . I ask her to start brushing her teeth but before I can paste her brush , " I CAN DO IT ! ! ! " . Great . I let her . She does an ok job so I ask her to start her teeth ( I finish them after to make sure at thorough job is done ) and I get " I don 't know how " . Of course she does . Then I threaten her to at least start and she flicks a tooth for a second . " No , you can do better than that " . Her answer is " No I can 't " Next its " Little One make sure you go potty " . She responds , " I don 't know where the Posted by I noticed that when I was golfing on Saturday , I became a bit winded walking up one of the steeper hills on the course . Such that for a minute or two , conversation was a tad labored . Yes , its a really big hill and kills ( figuratively ) other golfers so much that those that walk ( which I always do ) avoid that nine altogether . And , yes , I 'm 40 now . But still . . . . . When I mentioned it to Mrs . Blogger she sort of looked right through me . I think it was in the vein of " that 's not the Nouveau I know ! " but it might have been in the " yeah , you are letting yourself get disgustingly out of shape " . Hmmmm . . . . . In any event , I have only been to the gym three times since Vegas almost a month ago and before that I was concentrating more on lifting than cardio . I resolve to take this as a kick in the ass ! I can get back into the lifting no problem . The time off might have been good for me even as I 'm nursing assorted injuries . So , I lifted last night . That was great . Lately I 've had people tell me I looked bigger which is reward enough for how hard I worked over the winter . Do you know it takes a 40 year old twice as much working out to gain the same amount of muscle a 20 year old does ? There 's THAT much less testosterone in the system . How crappy is that ? My workouts were at the expense , somewhat , of my cardiovascular conditioning . I don 't care for the treadmill or the time out of the house nor the injuries I keep getting . But HATE not being in shape even more . So when I got home from the gym I went out for a run . Yeah , it was chilly ( fucking summer get here already ! They 're talking snow tonight ! ) , it was windy and I hated it for the most part , but I 'm going to really try to get three days running and one day biking per week until July 4 . Then reassess from there . And , since I stated it here I can 't let my good readers down can I ? Plus , I don 't EVER want that look from Mrs . B again . Furthermore , I need to start my fitday entries again too . Which I will , starting today ! I started slow last night . 1 . 5 miles in 12 : 28 ( my neighborhood is Posted by Radio personality Don Imus was suspended yesterday two weeks for comments he made on his radio show . I am unaware of the context in which he said it , as I 've only heard excerpts , but he attempted a lame joke in which he referred to the Rutger 's Women 's basketball team as " nappy - headed ho 's " . Certainly he is wrong . Of course those women deserve a profound and sincere apology . No doubt about it . Whatever punishment he receives is just fine by me . I 've heard , too , that he 's used racial slurs in his private life in the past . That goes to show , in my mind , where his mind is . I used to be somewhat a fan of his as I liked the political angle of his show and it was at times funny . He stepped way over the line in this instance , however . Punishment should and is being handed down . What kind of bugs me as well , though , are Al Sharpton 's and Jesse Jackson 's outrage about it . I believe both are calling for his head by wishing him fired . Fine . That 's their right and I believe the consuming public and his advertisers will have the last say in that . Having said that , they appear a bit hypocritical in this instance . Aside from the fact that both men have had past issues in which they 've had to apologize ( i . e . anti - Semitic remarks and the Tawana Brawley issue ) I wonder where their outrage is when rap music refers to women as " hos " , " bitches " or free use of the " N " word . Is this case that much different ? Why ? Because a white guy said it ? Why don 't they speak more vocally about their own race 's relative impunity when it comes to vocalizing the demeaning of women , using racial slurs or glorifying violence ? If they do , its certainly not with the vigor in which they 've come out against Imus . Surely , they both have the forum in the form of their own radio shows . I 've heard Jackson speak in person publicly . He was terrific . I came away informed and impressed . He could , if he was inclined , push an agenda that its simply wrong to demean women of ANY race . Its wrong for ANYONE to use racial slurs . He could speak more about the overuse of the tPosted by Had a nice little weekend . Here 's how it went : Friday : Woke up early so I decided to go into work so I could get out early if stuff was in order . Spent most of the day setting up my new work computer . Its such a hassle to transfer all the work related documents , data - bases and programs ( still doing it today ) . However , this new PC is so much faster and nicer . Also , it has the new Microsoft Vista Operating System . Its taking me a bit to get the hang of some aspects of it , but I will be fine . Loving the flat - panel screen and all the extra desk space . Things went well and it was quiet there , so I was able to bug out of work by 2 , hit the driving range on the drive home and spend a few hours with the family before I was off for poker night . Came in 6th out of 29 I think . Didn 't earn any money , but earned points toward the end of the year tournament . I 'm playing pretty well . Got home real late though at about 1 : 10 a . m . Saturday : Got up early again because I was golfing in the afternoon and wanted to get some stuff done around the house prior to going . Planned to clean and do some yardwork , however , I only ended up making an apple pie ( I am kind of learning to cook a few things ) for Easter Dessert . Spent lots of time chatting away with Mrs . Blogger so before I knew it it was time to head out to the course . I 've been practicing well so I expected to play well but didn 't . I played ok , shot 89 , but I can be so much better . I keep reminding myself its early but I 'm a bit disappointed in my game . Going to have to keep working hard . Having said that , it was cold and windy too - about 42 degrees . So that 's my excuse for now . Spring 's arrival is sure taking its sweet - ass time this year . Came home in time to shower and dress quickly as we were off to a 40 year old birthday party for a friend . It was in a little Mexican Restaurant that turned into a Karaoke bar at 9 . I was driving , so I had to soberly watch many of my idiot friends , who swore up and down at 9 : 15 they wouldn 't do it , make fools of themselves a few hours later . Ah ! MargaPosted by Well , Easter is fast approaching . Normally , its one of my least favorite holidays because - I 'm Agnostic , so the religious spirit of it doesn 't aftect me as much as others ; Peeps and Circus Peanuts could be the most disgusting things ever invented ; I don 't get any extra days off work ; I don 't care for Easter - type foods such as Ham and . . . . . . . ummmm . . . . . . . . ; It 's light on family as many of them are off to other locations ; Normally ( when its in March ) there 's no good sports to watch on TV . Having said that , its different this year in that I get joy from The Little One dressing up and excitedly searching for eggs . Plus , I can ogle Mrs . Blogger since she dresses for dinner too . A plus ! This year promises more family as a lot of Mrs . Blogger 's family are staying local and I haven 't seen some of them in quite a while . So that will be great . Easter is late enough this year so there 's baseball and the Master 's golf tournament that day . Knowing me , I 'll chow down on Easter Ham ( hopefully avoiding those damn peppercorns ) , have a few drinks , some great conversation and get home in time to watch the last hour of golf . Then on later that night on ESPN my team plays the Rangers in high definition . So I have that going for me . Now - - how the hell did the Easter Bunny and egg / candy hunts come about from a religious holiday ? And what the F kinda screwed up rabbit lays eggs ? I did a bit of Googling on the ' net . Apparently , prior to the birth of Christ , parents told their children that a magical hare would bring gifts for the spring festival . Those gifts , often times , were colored eggs which represented new life . Probably at some point it became more fun to make the kids work just a little for their treats , so the parents hid them ( citation ) . The bunny came about because it " had been a symbol of fertility and renewal of life which fit in with the tradition of Easter " ( citation ) . That and Trix Cereal of course . I 'm sure all of this is perpetuated by Hallmark , CVS , Walgreens and whathaveyou as well . Oh , and that company that makes the fake grass . NouveauBlogger I haven 't any ideas on a post today or yesterday for that matter . However , I have been involved in a discussion regarding the Iraq war in the comments section of one of Katie 's posts . So , if you 're interested in my thoughts on that perhaps you want to check it out . I hope Katie doesn 't mind . If she does , I can cut and paste some of it back to here . Yesterday I was doing a bunch of stuff around the house . One chore I wanted to accomplish was to move my wood pile ( I have an outdoor fireplace ) from beside the shed to behind the shed . I found it a bit of an eyesore . Well , I had been storing other eyesore - type stuff behind the shed , so I had to clear all that away first . Then I had to modify the wood stand I made to hold the firewood so that it would fit how and where I needed it to . Part of what I had behind the shed , from an earlier project , was a section of stockade fencing and some posts . So I thought it 'd be a great idea , so as to not be an eyesore for anyone , to install the fencing 4 ' away from the back of the shed . When finished I could store the wood inside and other crap , like gardening stuff , in the area I created . Nice and tidy and neat - - just the way I like it . And I 'm sure my neighbor to the rear , with the meticulously maintained pool and backyard , would like it too . So as I 'm putting the last post in ( which was too tall and would need to be trimmed later ) I had to use my new aluminum " Little Giant " ladder ( Xmas gift courtesy Mrs . B ) which I set up as an A - frame . I needed it to get above the post in order to hammer it down . Well , it must have been the dirt caked on my boots that caused me to I slip . My foot went inside the rung and inside the ladder which caused my fall to be awkward . I fell backwards and out but my lower leg stayed fixed and upright . Dammit ! I NEVER fall . My leg got twisted weirdly and hurt like hell . I mean , it REALLY hurt . I hobbled inside leaving all my tools and stuff outside . After contemplating it for an hour I decided ( along with Mrs . B 's persuation ) that I needed to go to the Emergency Room where I learned ( after over 3 hours ) that I cracked my fibula . Broken leg ! They tell me I will be laid up for 8 to 12 weeks with a cast . I MIGHT be able to walk on the cast the last two weeks . All this JUST as golf and softball season are about to start too ! So we 're talking mid - July before I can do ANYTHING and then I 'll need to restrengPosted by
|
Kamalakshi vivaciously shared her story of the special occasion when Shri Mahayogi came to the home of her two mothers , Mammy Tess ( mother - 80 years old ) and , Mammy Love ( her aunt 85 years old ) . There was always constant fighting between these two strong characters . Her aunt would say , " When I talk , no dog bark ! I must have respect , I am the elder ! " Her mom would say , " Tree grow come catch tree , I am an adult ! " Kamalakshi couldn 't handle them anymore , and asked Shri Mahayogi what to do . Shri Mahayogi said he would visit . The day came . Kamalakshi introduced them to Shri Mahayogi as a yogi pastor . Mammy Love kept talking and telling stories to show how strongly she practiced being a Christian in her life , and in the back , Mammy Tess was behind her saying quietly , " Don 't listen to her … ! " Shri Mahayogi let them go on talking , until the moment came , that Mammy Love finally said , It is not everyday that one finds that he has lived most of his life in a prison created by his own mind . It can take years and lifetimes just to discover that simple fact . Through the blessings of Shri Mahayogi and The Universal Gospel of Yoga , Ekanta explained how , after years of struggle , the words of The Gospel brought him face to face with his own mind and its various attachments to the world . He came to understand that these attachments only brought him suffering , and that by applying Shri Mahayogi 's teachings from The Universal Gospel of Yoga " in our daily lives using our bodies and minds " we can set ourselves free . Although Ekanta is tied to this prison of the mind 's creation , he now knows that he can start digging himself out by using the teachings of Yoga that he has been blessed to receive from the Master . It is not easy to recognize for yourself that you have become dependent on the approval of the people around you , allowing the desire to be accepted to dominate your every decision . Sadhya shared that it was the daily practice of asana and meditation along with regularly reading The Universal Gospel of Yoga that allowed her to first catch a glimpse of the source of the pain that she had been trying to escape from for so many years . The following words from the Gospel helped her gain strength and clarity of mind , and came to be her constant guide : " The real work is for the realization of the Self . Pay no mind to what others think of you , just deepen the search for the Self . " She spoke about how the opportunity of working on the editing of The Universal Gospel of Yoga allowed her to understand more deeply the immense value of the teachings and true aim of Yoga - to become completely free of all the mind 's attachments and creations . Sadhya is very thankful to have experienced much transformation in her life as a result of the grace of Shri Mahayogi and the guidance that The Universal Gospel of Yoga provides . Since the beginning , the publication of the new edition of The Universal Gospel of Yoga has been a journey which has brought sangha together to work for a common goal . The public launching of the book gave us an additional opportunity to work together even more closely , pushing us to put our faith and trust in the Master . It is as if he is what holds us together , teaching us throughout the process itself . It has been quite some time since the decision was made to re - translate The Universal Gospel Of Yoga in 2012 when the supply of copies began to dwindle . And after nearly four long years , during which The Universal Gospel of Yoga was essentially out of print , we feel compelled to humbly apologize to our Guru that it has taken so long to complete the editing process and thus enable his words to reach the countless hearts who have been yearning for these teachings of Truth . With the release of this new edition we aim to ensure that The Universal Gospel of Yoga will be available to all who seek the authentic teachings of Yoga for many years to come . Currently in New York , although there is only a handful of staff , we are working on the final stages of editing The Universal Gospel Of Yoga , which has been fully retranslated . Once again , through the process of this work , I have become keenly aware of and recognized all over again the awe - inspiring state which Shri Mahayogi embodies and the perfection of the words that Shri Mahayogi speaks , constantly chosen from a permanent state of razor - sharp , absolute discrimination that is beyond even time and space . Shri Mahayogi 's words are always delivered from the state of Truth , so if we derive our understanding of their meaning from the perspective of the mind 's view , the meaning can wander off on its own . May we be ever vigilant in protecting your Pranava at all costs . The words of Truth uttered by the Awakened Ones are truly alive . The words themselves are breathing and glistening with life . Unless the seeker knocks on the door , and then faces the test that awaits as we examine ourselves and gauge our seriousness , unless the seeker seriously seeks for It , and unless the seeker dives into the depths of the ocean to find the precious pearls for themselves , the teachings of Truth will not be revealed . In the words given by Shri Mahayogi , even though the words may not appear to be direct answers , there is a meaning that is hidden there that we need to dive in and penetrate in order to uncover . Yoga , in its original form , can only begin after one 's mind is prepared for religious awakening . The same can be said of the internal initiation Shri Mahayogi assents to give to his disciples . The mind of religious awakening is the unshakeable resolution and the unfailing determination to stake one 's life on Satori . Without a doubt , every single task in Yoga ought to be carried out with the same indomitable spirit . In undertaking this work , the completion of the third edition , I feel that the quality of the translation of The Universal Gospel Of Yoga has finally reached an acceptable level . Although it is only a small handful of members , I am so grateful to inform you that I have been tackling this project with a team of marvelous comrades who share with me this sublime ideal of leaving behind these records of the teachings of Shri Mahayogi , my Beloved . With our guiding belief that the task in which we are engaged will yield a book that will serve as a Bible that will be read by a massive number of people for many generations to come , we carry out this work with a great sense of responsibility . Perhaps , ten years from now , when our understanding has deepened and we find ourselves in a different state , then further depth might be revealed , but I believe that the work we have done is of the highest quality that we are able to bring forth at this stage . We would also like to mention Matthew and his involvement in our work . Although he has been living in Croatia for twelve years , he is one of the main editors of the MYM in NY . In spite of being far away from his motherland , the United States , and physically separated from the sangha in New York , The Universal Gospel of Yoga was the powerful vehicle that kept his heart connected with Shri Mahayogi every day for several years . When he left for Croatia in 2004 , he took a copy of The Universal Gospel of Yoga with him . Of course , he had no idea that one day he would be fully involved in the project of editing the new edition . But over those years he developed a strong love for The Universal Gospel of Yoga and that can be seen in how wholeheartedly he dedicated himself to this work . Anandamali reported to Shri Mahayogi about how their stay had been up until that point , and Shri Mahayogi seemed very pleased with the NY brother 's willingness to learn , their spirit of readiness for taking on challenges by adopting the learner 's mind and attitude , along with their discipline to follow the morning schedule at all costs . Taka and Yohei spoke about how they had been witnessing the transformation of their NY brothers , and they expressed how grateful they were to have this opportunity to host the NY brothers and practice along side them . Some gurubhai light heartedly teased Ryan , saying that he seemed to have already lost weight . There was much joyful laughter in the beginning . Then Nandiswara presented Shri Mahayogi with some words he had written on a piece of paper in Chinese , and asked him to explain the meaning . Some of the Chinese and Japanese characters are the same or similar , so sometimes we can understand one another through writing . The words that Nandiswara wrote were 『 無一物中無尽蔵 』 . That day , in the room where Satsangha is always held , a scroll was hanging with a work of calligraphy done by Shri Mahayogi , upon which was written the same phrase : 『 無一物中無尽蔵 』 . Shri Mahayogi explained the meaning of this saying , which is often used in calligraphy in Zen Buddism : Ryan asked about how to proceed in the practice of discrimination . He wanted to know if he was approaching it correctly . He explained that he is currently trying to understand why it is that there is even something in his mind that desires . He noticed that this feeling of desire , or the value of an object only exists because he once had something and then lost it . He noticed that his mind only perceives two states : having and not having . Generally speaking , when he is in the state of actually having , there is no awareness , so it is only after the loss of it that he enters into a cycle of desiring similar types of things . Shri Mahayogi answered that Ryan must go further , examine the issue and discriminate whether the object of that desire is eternal or not , whether it is universal or not . By doing so , he will recognize the mechanism of the chain of desire that the mind itself creates based on specific conditions ; and therefore truly realize that these are not the Truth . And what 's more , he will recognize that it is a mistake to attach to things that are not the Truth . This is discrimination . If he comprehends the essence like this , then the mind will become detached from that desire - that is renunciation . Shri Mahayogi answered that it goes without saying that practicing asana and studying the teachings of Yoga is a precondition . And that it is especially important to discipline oneself in yama and niyama so that one 's thoughts , words , and actions would not contradict one another . Through continuous practice , the mind transforms and its nature becomes the quality of sattva , and through having its nature be the quality of sattva , correct intuition comes . That too is about training . By continuously training one 's thoughts , words and actions to correspond to an intuition or that first flash of thought , the mind will ultimately stop generating all other unnecessary thoughts . By practicing this diligently , intuition will come precisely in the moment needed . " Shri Mahayogi , we can 't thank you enough for having us . I am quite sure that on this trip the three of us have truly learnt a tremendous amount from the gurubhai here . And the fact of the matter is , we saw a lot that we still need to process . And I guess , just from speaking between us , we can see what a life changing opportunity this really has been . We just hope that we can take this spirit back with us to the NY sangha and really try to help it grow toward this , toward what we have experienced here , in some way . We gratefully hope that on your next trip to NY , we can really offer to you a very warm welcome . Yes , we gratefully look forward to seeing you in New York . " There was a congenial atmosphere after the Satshangha . Everyone 's face was shining . As people began to leave little by little , some moved to the side and began participating in a MYM work meeting . On Saturday morning , Aniruddha came to Yoga Vihara to investigate a loud noise he had heard that sounded like some animals running around . Sometimes this happens somewhere in the area between the ceiling of the ground floor and the floor above , and they have been having this issue for quite a while , which is especially common in old houses in Kyoto . Aniruddha is a professional , well - experienced exterminator who uses only natural pest - control products , and after studying the problem , he concluded that there were no rats there but most likely it was a weasel . Yogadanda and Satya , who live at Yoga Vihara , figured that a weasel wasn 't harmful , and so they decided to leave it be . We had a full day scheduled that day : Asana and Meditation class in the afternoon and Satsangha at night . In order to stay on schedule , Satya prepared an early light lunch . Anandi , who stayed over the night before , was also present . He does not cook often but he would like to improve his dietary habits . He said that the problem was that due to the fact that his job is very irregular , he finds himself unable to maintain a regular schedule for eating lunch and dinner . His schedule changes from day to day depending on his clients , the locations and the time . He treats several apartments per day , so he travels from one place to another by car , but the situation is such that he often finds himself in areas where he cannot get a decent , vegetable - based meal , so he ends up grabbing something quick rather than eating a real lunch at the proper time . Hearing that , the Kyoto gurubhai responded that he should bring his lunch box with him , because in this way he can have lunch whenever he is able to and he won 't need to look for a place to get a decent meal . Inside the lunch box could be sandwiches or pasta , or even a soup , or something left over from the night before . He could even plan to cook dinner with an extra portion for lunch the next day . Aniruddha responded that he did not bring leftovers because he cannot warm up the food . He said , " I like my food hot . " That answer surprised everyone . Because it was not about his struggles in organizing his time or his schedule , nor was it about his skills or the content of the meal , but it related to his personal preference . Generally , if we are asked whether we would prefer to eat a meal hot or cold , almost everyone will answer that warm is preferable . But what we were discussing had nothing to do with these kinds of situations . If Aniruddha was seriously concerned about his dietary habits and really concerned about controlling the timing and content of his daily meals for the purpose of conditioning his asana and meditation practice , then any concerns about whether the food is warmed up or cold should not bother him . I want to realize the Truth . → For that , to deepen the practice is a must . → For that , the practice of asana and meditation is indispensable . → For that , I need to practice them daily . By clarifying and making one 's goal concrete , one 's action can change naturally . If one determines to practice of asana and meditation daily , it is natural to plan one 's daily schedule accordingly , including the practice of dietary habits . When she heard Aniruddha 's answer , she thought that his action was not based on having a firm or clear and concrete goal , but rather it was all left up to random choice . If the goal is vague , no matter how we try to suggest some ideas , it does not serve much purpose . So then she said to him that if having a hot meal is what he wants , then that is ok ; he can think about how to get that . She then asked him , " But what do you want really ? " ( Note : Yogadanda practiced asana for about 10 years , up until the point when Shri Mahayogi told him to stop . Once he had a high fever from a bad cold and , remembering that Shri Mahayogi had said that asana practice is ineffective when one is at the peak of a bad cold , he decided to see for himself by doing halasana . In so doing he discovered that it is true - all it did was make him nauseous . Out of those 10 years , that was the only day that he did not practice asana that he can recall . He says that even if there were days when he he did not practice and cannot remember having not practiced , the number of days would surely be fewer than five . ) The aim can be realizing the Truth , uniting with God - although it is necessary to think with much more seriousness and in much more realistic terms , and that might relate to timing ( for the real serious yearning might be different to different people . ) However , it is truly easier to grasp your ideal and put it into action if you have a more concrete , detailed idea of what you are aiming for . Then it can be broken down and measured against our daily actions . For example , it can be as simple as the " discipline to practice asana and meditation daily . " Or if you are seriously concerned about dietary habits , the discipline to cook at home daily and stop eating out . It is natural that these concrete aims can vary according to one 's specific life situation . Whatever your choice might be , if you think about how you spend your day for the purpose of reaching your ultimate goal , you realize that there are actually many situations and points at which you must make choices one by one . For instance , let 's say that someone gives you a snack or a sweet , you can make the choice of declining it or having it later . Let 's say that you determined to cook at home every day and not eat out or order take - out . You are invited by someone to have a meal , or you see or find foods that you are drawn to or curious about and you want to buy them … At that very moment , recalling your concrete goal , and then making your choice based on that , is the actual first step of the practice of discrimination . Through repetition , making such choices in your daily life clarifies your goal more and more . Consequently , the shaft of light that is Yoga or Truth ( your faith in Yoga ) grows and eventually matures . At the same time , you will gain self - confidence . When that shaft of light gets stabilized and becomes firm , then you will be able to discriminate when disturbances arise in your mind . From 2PM , there was an Asana and Meditation class led by Shantimayi and Dharmini . This weekend was the special weekend that the monthly Satsangha with Shri Mahayogi at the Ashrama would be taking place , as well as Siddha Marga the next day , so there were many disciples who had travelled from Tokyo , Matsuyama and other areas . The class was packed , and filled with a condensed energy by everyone in attendance . Shantimayi checked everyone 's asana very precisely . It was a wonderfully energetic class . In the end , Shantimayi said that Yoga is not only the practice of asana , and that she has been taught that actually disciplining herself in the practice of yama ( abstinence ) and niyama ( observance ) in daily life , and making the corresponding actions with her body ( action ) , mouth ( word ) and mind ( thought ) are the most important practices . She said that the result of your practice of aligning action - word - thought in daily life manifests in asana practice . And that she understood by her practice that unless you establish the harmony of ' action , word and thought ' the completion of advanced asana would not be achieved . She added that if one acquires a good foundation in basic asana practice , it will surely lead to meditation , and therefore establishing that base is very important . Shantimayi asked the NY brothers about their impression of this class . Nandi started to speak , and he said that rather than speaking about this class he would like to express his gratitude for this entire trip to everyone . He said that this trip was quite challenging because he had to come face to face with his own issues , but he was so grateful to have had this opportunity and he felt so determined to continue to work on himself and deepen his practice . Ryan said that he was amazed that they could see in him more than what he could see in himself , and he was so grateful for everyone 's hospitality and support . Aniruddha said that it was a life - changing experience , and that he never lived his life with the ultimate goal at the center , but now he understands the purpose of living , and that his view toward asana practice has changed as a result . He also expressed his gratitude . After the class , Taka and Aniruddha went to Ganesha ( the residence of Kinkara , where many meetings take place ) to speak with Asanghan , who had travelled from Matsuyama , and ask if he could come to Yoga Vihara after the Satsangha that night . Asanghan was in the middle of a work meeting with Sananda and all the gurubhai from Matsuyama , but he came outside the house to speak with them . At first , Asanghan hesitated to accept the request because he had a prior engagement , but their persistence persuaded him to change his schedule . To start the day off , we accompanied Yohei to his workplace , the Sakura Home - Aid Service in Arashiyama , travelling first by bus and then by train . Taka came with us as well . Yohei is registered to work at this social service center and has been working there for about 5 days a week for three and a half years . He attends to around seven clients per month and serves 1 to 2 clients each day . His work is to support them when they go out to do various activities , to do housework , and to help them with their physical care , either at the Sakura facility or during home visits . Yogadanda also works at the same location . Sakura is both an agency that provides social and home aid services and serves as a residence for people with disabilities . It was originally founded by three people , Mr . Takahashi , Ms . Makino and Mr . Horie , and we were fortunate to meet all three of them during this visit . One thing that is unique about the Sakura residence is that it is a not an institutional looking home , it is a house that is architecturally barrier - free and the residents can actually live in private rooms and enjoy a comfortable standard of living . There are also opportunities for them to work right there on - site as full time employees . One of the founders , Mr . Horie , uses a wheelchair to get around , and so the concept of Sakura was developed with a firsthand understanding of the challenges faced by people with special needs , both in an emotional and physical sense , and also in the context of their place in the society as a whole . It is common for people with disabilities in Japan to work at specialized community work centers , where they can do various jobs to engage in society and support themselves , but the pay is extremely low and it is barely enough to live on . Unlike the typical work center , Sakura offers an environment where people with special needs can work and earn a proper income if they have computer skills or other useful talents . Currently , there are five people with disabilities who work there , and there are three who are living in the housing facility , one of which is Mr . Horie himself . When we got there we could see right away how friendly Mr . Takahashi and everyone else was , and how eager they were to welcome this unique group of visitors . The attendees at the class that day were the three founders , one of the attendants and one staff member who herself was wheelchair user . They all practiced in silence with the brothers from New York as Yohei led them . There was great harmony in the class , and the people from Sakura and the brothers from NY were mutually inspired by each other 's dedication and sincerity . We hope that they will continue and discover for themselves the power of asana and meditation practice , going further into the journey of searching the Self and for real Freedom . When he was in junior high school , Mr . Horie was diagnosed with a physically debilitating condition that will worsen over time . He seems to be a charismatic , very intuitive and artistic thinker . Mr . Miyaji , Mr . Horie 's attendant that day , was bringing food to Mr . Horie 's mouth . Again , it was a meaningful experience to see Yohei 's work firsthand , and it was also a great discovery to learn about Sakura and the worthwhile mission to which they are dedicated . Unfortunately , we didn 't have enough time to really get to know these three founders , but from the little bit of interaction we did have with them , we could feel that they were truly flexible , open - minded , and blessed free spirits ! ! And what was most noteworthy was that they demonstrated their beliefs in their actions , which is something that we , as aspiring yogi and yogini , strive to do in our daily lives as well . We are truly grateful to have had this experience , thank you so much for letting us be a part of Sakura , and hopefully our paths may cross again someday ! Taka and Yohei had to work the nightshift that night , so we went to Yoga Vihara for dinner , which consisted of a special ramen ( noodle soup ) that is a well - known dish from Yogadanda and Taka 's hometown , Fukuoka . ( Yogadanda and Taka are brothers . ) Kripalu and Anandi were also there . Anandi had travelled from Matsuyama , in Ehime prefecture , by long distance bus in order to attend the satsangha at the Ashrama the next day ( Saturday ) as well as Siddha Marga on Sunday . It took six hours for her to get there from her hometown . There were times that she used to come to Kyoto almost every weekend , but now she comes once or twice a month . Years ago , there was a time that Yogadanda was working as a dishwasher at the restaurant in Kyoto hotel . At that time , there was an elder lady who was also working as a dishwasher part time job , like he was , and she had a quick temper . One day , she got mad at Yogadanda for unreasonable things . But that shock curved in his mind as a strong impression . At that time , he had a habitual routine of practicing asana right after getting home from his job , so he practiced asana when he got home as usual . But while he was practicing asana , that woman 's face was there all the time , and he could not get rid of it until he finished all asana . As he sat for meditation - at that time , he was meditating on Shri Mahayogi - the lady 's face was always there , disturbing his concentration on Shri Mahayogi , and she did not disappear . He struggled very hard to try to focus on Shri Mahayogi . He did not know how long he was there in this condition , but in the midst of this battle , an intuition came that " I and this lady are the same existence , ' at which point he felt that , " Most likely something happened to this woman that caused her so much stress that it built up within her , causing her to burst out in an attack towards me , who happened to be there . " " I also have the mind that is of exactly the same structure as hers , and I too would burst out at some point if I built up my stress continuously like that . " " I am , essentially , the same existence as she is . " As he felt this , the light shone from Shri Mahayogi , the object of his meditation , and the face of that older lady melted away into light . He said that he was meditating on the form of Shri Mahayogi , but by the teaching of Shri Mahayogi - " Every existence in its essence is the same existence " - discrimination happened within him . He thinks that that was why he experienced this teaching of Shri Mahayogi in his meditation , as well as Shri Mahayogi 's form and the teaching of " Truth is One . " The next morning he went to work as usual . Before this experience , wThe Kyoto gurubhai began to ask some questions related to these topics . Nandi said that he chose Swami Vivekananda as his ideal Saint . So Anandi asked him more precisely what it was that he likes about Vivekananda , or how he concretely idealizes Vivekananda . She asked him this because at one point she wrote an article about Swami Vivekananda for Paramahamsa . And that experienced caused her to deeply ponder how she could actually bring her way of life and her conduct closer to his mind and spirit . In contrast to that kind of focused inquiry , it appeared that Nandi 's answer was still very general . Satya , who came to Yoga Vihara on their second day after the satsangha and spoke about the practice of discrimination through her actual experience , tried to help them get a better understanding of the process of discrimination that night again . She asked Ryan what he had been discriminating on . Again , Ryan 's answer was somewhat vague , something that could be resolved without engaging too deeply in discrimination . Then Satya asked , " Do you know about yama and niyama ? " She asked this because she inferred from what he said that it sounded like he had been observing his conduct in daily life , which is a positive thing . So if he were to apply yama and niyama to his actions and then observe them , what he has already been trying to do can then become discrimination . Ryan said that he knew the yama and niyama , but he has not really been consciously practicing them . So Satya explained that if we practice yama and niyama in our daily lives , consequently , the practice of discrimination , meditation and asana can advance more rapidly . The obstacles in meditation , or the thoughts that arise in meditation , are often impressions that are recorded in daily life , and further , most of them are caused by not being able to be consistent with yama and niyama . That means that if we remain vigilant and pay close attention to our conduct in daily life , we can practice asana and meditation with full concentration , since our impressions wiBy the way , the meaning of her name Satya is Truth , and it is in one of yama : Satya is Truthfulness . After lunch , Yohei led us to Utano Hospital , located on the west side of Kyoto City . On the way there , near the end of the journey , the roads became full of really steep hills and the ups and downs of the journey made for quite a challenging bicycle ride . When we arrived at Utano hospital we met Yohei 's friend , Toki . Yohei has known Toki , who is 19 years old , for one year now , after meeting him through Toki 's friend , for whom Yohei regularly volunteers to take on the role of personal attendant . Yohei first met Toki at a group meeting for people with challenging physical conditions similar to that of Toki while volunteering to attend Toki 's friend . This group had been formed so that its members could come together to connect with each other and create fun activities together . The group outings that were organized provided ongoing opportunities to regularly spend time together and share life experiences . Both Toki and his friend , who was assisted by Yohei , were regularly attending and participating in these community activities . Toki is a very bright and active young man who is one of the central figures of this group , since he created and now maintains their website all by himself , moving the computer mouse with his chin in order to do so . Toki has been hospitalized there since primary school because of his physical condition , and has attended only schools affiliated with this hospital . Anyway , certainly , it must have been a big surprise for the nurses there when all of a sudden , we strangers showed up as a group , including these tall foreigners . Toki was the only one who knew that we were coming . Yohei introduced us and we then started to clean the area around Toki 's bed in the room that he shared with three other patients . The area for us to clean and organize was not very large considering there were twelve hands , so there was not too much work to be done in that sense . But it was very nice to meet Toki and have a chance to observe and learn directly from the work that Yohei does as a social worker . Yohei was so natural and attentive with him . After that , we were planning to have dinner out at a restaurant but it was early , so we passed the time at a small local café nearby . There Yohei began to tell us about his karma yoga practice . He said that he used to think that karma yoga was the practice of serving the poor or those who are in difficult situations , and so he would sometimes go to Fukushima , which has been deeply suffering since the earthquake disaster of 2011 . However , Yukti , who has moved to Fukushima to serve people there by working as a nurse , always told him that he should find ways to continuously serve the people of Kyoto . He did not understand the meaning of what she said , but recently he has started to realize that he was actually making a distinction between superior and inferior work . So now he makes sure that he performs any and all tasks that arise with the same sincerity , whether it be the work of the Mission , his daily tasks , his job , housework or volunteer work . This local restaurant was the place where Yohei brought up the topic of mauna ( spiritual silence ) to Nandi by questioning him , " What do you consider to be mauna , and how are you actually practicing it ? " " Since you have been prescribed this precious teaching , mauna , by Shri Mahayogi , why have you not thought about how to actually practice it ? The fact that you are asking me this question - ' How should I actually practice mauna ? ' - now is so strange in and of itself . " ( From Yohei 's article in Pranavadipa Vol . 17 . ) Yohei was so clear and went directly to the core of the issue . It seems that it finally hit Nandi 's heart very heavily , and at the same time it seemed that something shifted in Nandi at that moment . Nandi immediately became quieter . Yohei not only pointed out Nandi 's issue but he also explained to him by way of an example how important it is to have a concrete goal , and to think concretely about how to attain that goal . At the café , Yohei spoke about the importance of clarifying one 's ideal and making it concrete . He asked each of the NY brothers who their ideal Realized Being was . Nandi answered right away that it was Shri Mahayogi . But Yohei said that it is important to have someone as your ideal who started out like us and realized the Truth through great struggle , and then to meditate on him or her . The reason this is necessary is that it is extremely difficult for our minds to concretely grasp the Realized Beings who are at the level of avatar , who were born without karma for the sake of the people that they might awaken into Truth . However , if we meditate on the former level , we will be able to understand and learn from the concrete efforts of those individuals and how they went about attaining the goal . Taka was concerned that a lot of the questions that the NY brothers asked were only about how to meditate so far , so then he started to speak about the fact that although it is true that there are some logical instructions that can be given about how to meditate , in the actual practice of meditation , there are only two states : concentrating or not concentrating . Therefore , what is crucial to advance in the practice of meditation is a keen sense of urgency toward the object of meditation . He then spoke about his experience , that sometime back when his object of meditation was not yet solidified , in other words , around the time when he did not understand how he actually wanted to be or what he was keenly seeking , he single - mindedly thought about and investigated first what he was truly seeking and how he wanted to live , regardless of whether he would consider practicing Yoga or not . This took him nearly one year . He realized that there was nothing that he was particularly attracted to in this world and through observing his mind daily , it became clear that the condition of his mind differed from day to day , constantly changing and shifting . He realized that he couldn 't rely on his mind at all . And what 's more , when he reflected on the reason for which he was living so far , he sensed that he was somehow always seeking ecstasy , or bliss , and that he did things or was attached to things by this motivation to taste and experience that ecstasy . He further considered what the ultimate of ecstasy actually was : in Yoga , it is said that the ecstasy , the bliss , continues endlessly , and that there is nowhere that it does not exist - not only that , it is the essence of the Self . He then felt that This is what he must realize , no matter what it would take ; he must realize It at all costs . After that , there were periods in which he continued practicing disciplines of Yoga all the while thinking that he would not mind dying if it meant that he would be able to experience that ultimate ecstasy . So , what he realized through thaThen , with the importance of a proper diet for the practice of Yoga , the conversation naturally turned to this topic . The NY brothers re - learnt that vegetables should be the primary side - dish , and tiny fish would not be a problem , but large fish and meats , are not recommended . Ryan asked to hear more about the details of the fish that are acceptable and with what frequency , so Taka spoke about it through his experience . The Mission in Kyoto has been conducting a cooking class called The Kitchen of Samarasa , and it is through this program that the disciples in Kyoto have been learning the spirit and philosophy of dietary matters as well as a concrete way of preparing meals according to the seasons . Taka was almost vegetarian before he started practicing Yoga , so he did not have any issues with refraining from eating meat . However , since it was not something he was accustomed to , meaning he had not established the dietary habits of cooking his own meals at all , he was hungry for this knowledge that would help him form his dietary habits based on the teachings of Yoga . In order to proceed in deepening the practice of asana and meditation , it would be necessary to base his meals on seasonal vegetables , and so he started to cook his own meals right after beginning the practice of Yoga . His mindset was that everything could be a learning opportunity , and therefore he practiced and disciplined his dietary habits in accordance with the teachings of Yoga . Around the time that two or three years had passed in this way , he came to understand the set cycle of the seasonal ingredients and basic cooking methods , and he realized that he had created a set of patterns throughout the year according to what each season necessitated . And it was through the acquisition of this knowledge that he felt that he had naturally come to establish his repertoire or his routine of dietary habits . He used to avoid animal protein at all costs , even the slightest bit , because he was so nervous about consuming it , but nowadays he takes it in a sma * " Minamoto - Yu " - the public bath where Shri Mahayogi used to go when he was a child . The NY brothers enjoyed it so much that they stayed there for a long time . Aniruddha , who had hesitated to experience it , said , " Now I know why Japanese people love it ! " Surely , they all slept very deeply that night . I felt that through taking the first step of choosing or finding my ideal being , the motivation to get closer arose , and because of that , when I read the sacred words of the particular saint I chose , I felt that it was not the knowledge or the understanding through the intellect that I received , but rather , I felt that something was resonating within me . Also , by meditating on that particular saint , I experienced some visions that were not written in the book about that saint , or I had experiences of touching the heart and the spirit of that saint . However , these experiences were only in the realm of meditation , in other words , these are mere experiences in meditation . The thought came to me that I need to make what I experienced practical , so I felt that I must act like that saint in reality . Yet that was very difficult . Through putting their examples into my actions , only then did I realize that I was only imitating the external aspects of that saint , but I did not actually grasp his essence . " What do I need to do ? " " What is lacking in me ? " I asked . I felt that that realization led me face to face with my personal issues , and it defined them . It may be a bit off track , but I remember that years ago when I was watching Sumo - wrestling matches , an interpreter said that each sumo - wrestler has their ideal or aim toward the particular wrestler , but the ones who keep making much progress have very concrete , particular and detailed views . For example , they would say , " I like this specific way of how this particular wrestler grabs the mawashi ( wrestler 's belt ) . " So in a way , having such a concrete ideal has brought many blessings and benefits in all kinds of fields . Mother Theresa , obeying the voice of Jesus , " I thirst , " went to Kolkata . Nag Mahasyaya obeyed the word of his master , " Practice remaining as a house - holder . " Vivekananda , throughout his entire life , staked his life on fulfilling the words of Shri Ramakrishna , " You must become a banyan tree . " On Tuesday morning , we went to see an exhibit of Japanese swords at the Kyoto National Museum . While Kripalu guided the NY gurubhai through this exhibit , Anandamali and Yohei reviewed their stay in Japan so far to see how to best support them so that they could get the most out of it . Both of them felt greatly concerned that even though a great deal of inspiration had been shared over the course of their various discussions , if it only remained at the level of discussion and was not applied in daily life , there would be no real transformation that would come to the NY gurubhai . It would be a great loss if the trip became simply a good memory , producing little to no effect after their return to the wilds of New York City . Shri Mahayogi graciously accepted to hold satsangha for them the next day , and there would be an Asana & Meditation class that night , but other than that there would be no MYM classes or activities on Thursday or Friday , so Anandamali requested that Yohei find opportunities in which they would need to take action and use the physical body . They had already heard so much from the gurubhai in Kyoto , so the time had come for them to be proactive , no more being passive ! Yohei had some ideas and immediately started to call his friends . The schedule for Thursday and Friday was arranged then . After going back to Shanti Kutira , Yohei and Aniruddha , who is the senior disciple of the three brothers ( gurubhai ) from New York , came to Yoga Vihara late at night . Anandamali called a meeting to discuss further details about the rest of the trip in Kyoto . We were also concerned that Ryan did not seem very cheerful , somewhat heavy , and somehow it was difficult to get sense of how he was doing . So we decided to ask him the next day what motivated him to make this visit and what it was that he would like to accomplish during this time . " Anandamali - san , something good is happening here ! We have been talking together for some time . I am not sure what the details are of what they are saying because everything is in English , but it seems that Ryan has started to open himself up , and they are all crying . I feel a strong bond forming among the New York gurubhai ! ! ! " As Anandamali arrived at Shanti Kutira after lunchtime , Yohei opened the entrance door and immediately announced this . Indeed , they were all sitting in that multi - purpose room talking , and Ryan seemed completely renewed . He looked so much lighter , cheerful and natural . He spoke about his life , and it seemed that something had been released from him . It was very beautiful to see that , and it was so beautiful to see that they were all supporting each other 's growth . Ryan also mentioned that he started to wonder again if it would be a good idea to move to Kyoto so that he may be able to make better progress in an environment where he is constantly surrounded by strong practitioners and adhering to a scheduled life . ( He actually thought about this before he visited Japan and sought advice from Anandamali , but decided not to do so because it would not be practical with the language barrier , and there would be no one who could translate for him during satsangha . Shri Mahayogi also mentioned that it would not be a realistic thing to do for Ryan 's current situation or that of the MYM of Kyoto . ) Yohei spoke to him about it too , saying that , " Although it may appear to be easier for your practice , and you might feel that it is helpful at the beginning , that would really only be for the beginning , because when it comes down to it , the bottom line is that you yourself must discipline yourself by yourself , voluntarily . And the situation would not be the way it is right now , where we are arranging and adjusting our schedules around what would be best for you . What you need to do right now is to go back to New York , get a job , and practice Yoga in those circumstances , no matter what . Shri Mahayogi always speaks about the significance of practicing and proving Yoga while maintaining a regular job in this current age , as opposed to how practitioners used to practice in seclusion in the past . " Yohei said that he would like Ryan to support the sangha in NY by doing that . He said , " Vivekananda said that if he could get 10 people with passion , indomitable discipline and faith , he could change the world . I can see that you would be three out of these ten ! When you return to NY , I would like you to take on that indomitable will . " Yohei gave a lot of detailed advice to Ryan , all of which he wrote in the article that was published in Paramahamsa Vol . 114 , and its translation into English in Pranavadipa Vol . 17 . It was so beautiful to see these brothers . Yohei spoke carefully , sincerely , respectfully and straightforwardly to Ryan , and Ryan accepted so sincerely and without any defensiveness everything Yohei pointed out and advised . At 2PM , we were at the Ashrama for the satsangha that would be only with us and Taka . Perhaps it was because the NY brothers ' visit to Kyoto was in its second half , and after having received so many blessings from Shri Mahayogi through his disciples , hearing so many explanations of the teachings and seeing actual example after example of what the real practices are , which might have amounted to more than what they could receive and process , along with the fact that it was now time for them to digest what they had learned and put it into action , there were not many questions asked of the Master . Instead , Ryan , for the very first time , opened up his heart to Shri Mahayogi and spoke very openly about his life . Shri Mahayogi just kept listening to Ryan with a tender smile . That day , Shri Mahayogi gave a spiritual prescription to one of Ryan 's habits : stop consuming snacks and sweets . He then told us to leave the Ashrama and try to go to catch Sananda in Nagaokakyo City before the class that night and ask about the practice of discrimination if there were any further questions about it . This may be one of the ways that Shri Mahayogi is guiding both senior and junior disciples so that we can grow and mature at the same time . So then we bowed down with utmost gratitude to the Master and left the Ashrama , following his advice . The time we are able to spend with the Master was and always is so PRECIOUS , NO MATTER WHAT ! ! ! HIS SMILE MAKES EVERY CELESTIAL BEING HAPPY AND BLISSFUL . WE LOVE YOU DEAREST SHRI MAHAYOGI , OUR MASTER ! ! ! JAI , JAI , JAI ! ! ! After we left the Ashrama , we bicycled to the train station and took the train to Nagaokakyo City , outside of Kyoto city , to take the Asana and Meditation class led by Sananda and Madhri . After helping to set up the classroom , as Shri Mahayogi had suggested , they started asking Sananda questions . Nandi had been told by Shri Mahayogi to deepen his meditation . So Nandi asked Sananda how he could deepen his meditation , because his mind is far too active . Sananda responded that he should try to make time to spend quietly , and practice mauna , spiritual silence . During the class , Sananda checked Aniruddha and Nandi 's asana carefully . And Madhri checked Ryan 's . According to Aniruddha , it was the most intense class out of all the classes he experienced in Kyoto . After the class , we had another opportunity to spend the time with Sananda , but it was not easy to find a café open after 10PM . Plus , with Taka and Kripalu we were 7 , which made it very difficult to find seating . So Sananda and Kripalu ended up driving us to Kyoto City , to a café that was open 24 hours near the Ashrama . This night was the first night that Ryan had an opportunity to ask Sananda questions , since the first night when Sananda visited Shanti Kutira , Ryan could not stay up because of jetlag and exhaustion . So Ryan asked Sananda many questions about discrimination . Ryan was very impressed with Sananda , who answered his questions very clearly , without any trouble or vacillation . Aniruddha expressed his honest concern that there is a part of him that has not been able to put himself into practicing Yoga completely . Taka then responded through his experience and thoughts on this , mentioning that in the book " Pranava Sara " ( The Gospel of Satguru Shri Mahayogi Paramahansa , published in 1999 in Japanese only ) , there is a part in which Shri Mahayogi advises that disciples live together in order to deepen their practice . Taka , without thinking too deeply about it , just decided to follow this advice . He then rented a house with Yohei , who was also looking for a gurubhai to live and share a house with . By living together with gurubhai , every single thing in daily life fully became fertile ground for practicing Yoga . Not only in regards to food , clothing and shelter , because many gurubhai traveling from far distances would often come and stay at their house during the weekend to attend the satsangha with Shri Mahayogi , they were blessed to have many opportunities to share the teachings of Yoga as a course of nature . Last year , Anandamali also stayed there for some time , as well as other gurubhai from New York and Taiwan who had longer stays . The blessing they have been receiving has at times been more than what they can receive , and at the same time , they have also been experiencing many lessons . He never imagined how it would unfold before he started living with a gurubhai , of course . What it has become is far more than what he could have imagined . From this experience , he understands that if we put Shri Mahayogi 's advice into action , then blessings and challenges beyond our imagination will be bestowed upon us ; and he feels that that is an exemplification of , " if you get closer toward God , even if it is only one step , God will come closer to you multiple times more than that . " What 's more , he feels that the same thing can be said to the NY gurubhai , because they came to Japan and got close by opening themselves up to the Guru , and therefore they have been experiencing far beyond what * After 1 AM , Sananda drove them back to Shanti Kutira . Then Sananda , Anandamali and Kripalu had a late light dinner together . Sananda drove Anandamali back to Yoga Vihara , then returned all the way to his home in Nagaokakyo City , where the class had taken place that night . Indeed , the entire trip was very intense , but NY gurubhai were accepting of the challenges ! It proceeded at such a rapid pace . There was no time to stop . There was no place to hide or escape , only time to come face - to - face . At the same time , we felt the sincerity of all the gurubhai in Kyoto all the time . The gurubhai in Kyoto also put a lot of time , energy and effort very freely and willingly into anything they could do to support the NY gurubhai . And the NY gurubhai knew that , because they felt it constantly and limitlessly from everyone . We were in a very condensed and serene , yet extremely powerful field … watched over by the Master . No words can express our gratitude , we can only bow down … From that day on Ryan 's demeanor noticeably changed . The great thing about Ryan is that once he understands , he understands . Renunciation comes naturally , and the power of attraction is no more . And starting the next day , he did not have any reactions to those things at all , as if he had never had them before . On Monday , both Taka and Yohei were working the night shift that night , so they didn 't arrive home until around 9 : 00 or 10 : 00 AM . Regardless , the NY gurubhai began their sadhana and house cleaning at 6 : 00 AM and made breakfast all by themselves . They also took care of the laundry . Before noon , Anandamali joined them and took them to the Shinto Shrine of Kitano Tenmangū ( photos in Echo 40 ) , which is 10 minutes by bicycle from Shanti Kurtira . We then had a Yakuzen lunch ( medicinal Korean meal ) near the site , and spent a good bit of time talking amongst ourselves about this trip and their impressions of Japan . Since the NY gurubhai were scheduled to attend the 2 - hour self - practice meditation at Yoga Vihara that night and then spend time with Yogadanda after that , in the late afternoon they practiced asana and meditation at Shanti Kutira by themselves for the first time during this trip . In the evening we attended the two - hour self - practice meditation at Yoga Vihara . In the early summer of last year , Yogadanda and Kripalu started to practice this voluntarily - their intention was just to sit continuously in silence for two hours , and to just continue to discipline themselves to practice it regularly every week . Seeing and feeling their persistent actions , other gurubhai became inspired , and now they join them from time to time . That Monday night about eight of us practiced there together . Nandi asked Yogadanda what he has been meditating on . Yogadanda said that in the past he practiced jnana yoga , but now his meditation is to meditate on Shri Mahayogi , and it is only when the need arises that he practices discrimination in meditation . Then Nandi asked why he switched to a bhakti practice from a jnana practice . Yogadanda answered that he had been practicing the meditation of jnana yoga for some time . He was often told by Shri Mahayogi that passion is crucial for the practice of jnana yoga , but he was not able to understand what that meant . But then he was given the role of Natcheketas in one of MYM 's public performances , " Amrita , " in 2005 . He concentrated on practicing for the play all the time , repeating his lines which were filled with the passion to realize the Truth even at the cost of his life , and practicing his role again and again . By concentrating keenly on the mind of Natcheketas , he took the approach of trying to really know Natcheketas , who had staked his life on knowing the answer to the question of what would happen after he died - to realize the Truth . Yogadanda said that he sensed that what Natcheketas was doing - throwing himself completely into the meditation of facing his own death , plunging into death and seeking further beyond it - was the true meditation on death . So he tried to meditate just like Natcheketas did . And in doing so , it was as if he became able to concentrate on the jnana yoga meditation , which intensified his practice . Yogadanda 's concentrated state continued even after the day of the performance , and because at that time his situation afforded him a lot of spare time , he spent many quiet hours in meditation . However , as his situation changed , it became very difficult to concentrate on the subtlety of the process of jnana yoga , so he switched to bhakti meditation . Through his experience , he felt that pursuing the practice of jnana yoga is a very tough thing to do for people of the modern age . Yogadanda also said that sometime after the day of performance , he had the opportunity to go to his hometown in Kyusyu , the southwestern area of Japan . Since he was not engaged in much of the work of the MYM or any other responsibilities at that time , while he was staying at his parents ' house he meditated continuously , except during meal times . He was focusing in the meditation on death . And , in the sense of seeking out the real Self beyond the death of the mind , it was exactly the same as seeking , " Who am I ? " or the self - inquiry of the jnana yoga practice . Yet , there was no awareness of what types of yoga he was practicing , he was just in a state where he continuously and simply did nothing but concentrate . Notwithstanding his continuous striving , after ten days of his efforts yielding no fruit , he returned to Kyoto . One night , when Yogadanda was working the night shift as a social worker , as he oftendoes , the result came to fruition . After aiding the receiver of his services in falling asleep , he started to meditate on his futon . After some time , his concentration was interrupted , so he simply lay down . And right before he fell asleep , the intuition came suddenly that , " I am dying ! " In the next moment , it was as if an electric shock was running through his body and it went rigid . The body experienced the state of death , then his consciousness became separated from the body . But , right then , the receiver of his services woke up and called for Yogadanda , so he was immediately forced to come back from meditation . ( Recently , Yogadanda mentioned that the reason he could not concentrate on the subtlety of jnana yoga was that after this experience - this unfinished meditation on death - he could not continue to maintain the heat that is crucial for jnana yoga 's concentration , which he had been doing up until then . He thinks that there may have been many factors . Perhaps his situation and circumstances had become so busy that he did not really have time to meditate as much as he had been , and probably he was not fundamentally equipped with the tendency toward or had not yet gained the temperament of a jnana yogi , etc … ) Ryan said that he doesn 't feel that he has pressing issues right now , or that if he does then he cannot go any further in the practice of discrimination , beyond the intellectual level , or that he often easily accepts his desires . Yogadanda advised him that it all depends on how crucial the issue is for the mind . Otherwise the practice of discrimination cannot go further to the point at which the mind itself completely transforms . After an hour or so , Yohei joined in after attending a meeting downstairs . Hearing what Ryan was saying about the practice of discrimination , and after observing him for a few days , Yohei was concerned and began questioning Ryan 's understanding of it . So Yohei offered an example from his actual practice of discrimination that he experienced at one point , hoping to help Ryan : In the past , Yohei fell into the habit of reading magazines at convenience stores without buying them . But one day it stood out to him that the magazine was spelled Ragtag - Magazine ( 雑誌 = 雑 + 誌 ) in Japanese . He felt that as long as he continued this habit , his mind would continue to be disturbed , and he concluded that it is the direct opposite of subtle meditation , so from that moment on he completely stopped reading them . After two years of continuously practicing like this , one day Yohei spoke about it to Shri Mahayogi . Then , Shri Mahayogi said with smile , " You have actually become able to discriminate well . " Until Yohei heard these words , he did not think that what he was doing was discrimination on that matter . But Yohei remembered that sometime ago when he spoke about his meditation with Shri Mahayogi , he sensed that Shri Mahayogi uses " name " and " form " when trying to go into the essence of things . So Yohei tried to apply what he had observed and learned from Shri Mahayogi to the magazine . Aniruddha asked for advice on what to do when he has issues that he would like to apply discrimination to , yet he is having a hard time concentrating on actually doing that discrimination in meditation . Yohei answered that Shri Mahayogi once mentioned during satsangha that the mind too has ups and downs , like a biorhythm , and if you cannot do discrimination for whatever reason , then put it to the side and concentrate on God . Yogadanda then explained that when the biorhythm of the mind is low , the issues of the mind are hidden under the sub - consciousness , or not clearly seen on the surface , making it difficult to apply discrimination to them because even if you are looking it is hard to find them . On the other hand , when the issues appear on the surface of the mind , they can be easily grasped . That is why Shri Mahayogi said that if you cannot do discrimination in meditation , then put discrimination to the side temporarily . Saturday afternoon , the gurubhai from New York took their first Asana & Meditation class in Kyoto , led by Shantimayi . They were a bit nervous at first , but eventually they blended in quite well . After resting for a little while back at Shanti Kutira , we then set out to attend the first satsangha at the Ashrama ! ! ! It was finally time to reunite with Shri Mahayogi at his residence in Kyoto ! ! ! ! ! ! ! You can imagine how excited we were … How long we had waited for this day to come ! ! ! ! ! ! ! At the satsangha , Aniruddha expressed his heartfelt need to be free . He could feel that he was always holding himself back , mostly out of being concerned about how others would perceive him . So he always felt imprisoned by what was going on in his own head , knowing that this was the opposite of the freedom he yearned for . When asked by Nandi why he feels that others are judging him , Aniruddha answered that his personality is such that he prefers to be reserved , to be the man in the background . He has never sought attention for himself . He was always afraid of being judged . After the satsangha , we had late dinner with Satya , Kripal , Taka and Yohei at Shanti Kutira . With foresight , Taka had prepared the meal before heading to the satsangha . Ryan couldn 't attend the first night 's meeting because he was so exhausted after not being able to sleep well the night they arrived , but this night , Ryan was wide - awake and looking completely alive . Nandi , on the other hand , who was probably over excited at having seen Shri Mahayogi and attending the satsangha at the Ashrama , couldn 't stay up any longer , so he went to sleep right after dinner . As if Ryan was making up for the precious time with gurubhai that he had missed the night before , he asked a number of questions about the recurring theme present in all of the discussions that took place over the course of their journey - discrimination . She shared that her tendency is such that if something rises up within her that she is bothered by or concerned about , she cannot think about anything other than that , and this makes her naturally enter into the condition of discriminating on a given issue . In the beginning , it took a long time to process , but she now feels that she has grasped how to get to the core of discrimination , or how to go about discrimination , so her process has been shortened . Discrimination begins by thinking about the matter , ( this is the gross level in which she is aware that she is thinking about it , and this is the condition in which she and the issue are entangled ) . Then , as she continues , gradually , the condition arises in which it seems as if the issue is being looked at from above . By that time , the state of concentration deepens and continues in the depths of the mind . That condition ends too . And then , the condition in which it appears as if the mind no longer contains that issue at all arises . At that time , she is not aware of concentrating , but the concentration still continues . At some point she experiences the feeling of being very clear and light , as if the clouds have been cleared away and the sun has come out into the blue sky . Then all of a sudden at that time , the intuition comes , that " the matter in its entirety will be resolved very soon . " And later it vanishes by sheer chance . Ryan asked her how she knows if the matter is completely resolved or not . She answered that when the issue is completely discriminated , then she clearly knows that the matter is completely separate from her , so that she can never be bothered by it again in any way whatsoever . Since she knows from her experiences the difference between the condition of intellectually understanding it , ( in which her mind forcibly tells her " that is ignorance " , " that is the Truth " ) , and the issue being resolved by actually discriminating , she carries the process through until the very end of discrimination , which results in the renunciation of that issue . And she also explained that the practice of discrimination she is working through is nothing like a big subject such as " death , " but rather it is focused on the agitations within her mind that occur in daily life . For example , it could be something like , " Why does a feeling of " not liking " this person arise ? " Or , if she is bothered or disturbed by the words of others , " what is the real intention behind these words ? " Or if her negative habits arise , why does she still allow them to continue ? She said that hearing the questions that Ryan asked Yohei and Taka gave her the impression that they might be thinking that the practice of discrimination is something very far removed from the matters of daily life . But she feels that discrimination begins by first taking a subject that is closely related to one 's own actions , which is a very concrete thing . And by continuing to practice discrimination in this way , one is able to understand the teachings of Truth more and more , and to sense and absorb them on a deeper level . Through engaging in this process , as its consequence discrimination on ignorance - that is the very root cause of these thoughts and habits - happens . And then that ignorance is renounced . If that act of discriminating the root cause , or ignorance , was attempted at the very beginning , the process would be as elusive as grabbing a cloud . When asked to share about her practice of meditation , Satya spoke about trying to know and understand Nag Mahasyaya , whom she had chosen for the subject of meditation for the Siddha Marga * program . ( We will share her experience of concentrating on Nag Mahasyaya in another blog . It was very inspiring ! ) * Siddha Marga is the three - year program that was initiated for the concrete growth of each disciple . It was a program made only for serious practitioners who have attended MYM 's classes regularly for some years and were willing to go further . The program was run between April 2013 and March 2016 . It was led by Sananda and Sanatana . Taka also spoke about his experience in Siddha Marga program . He chose Swami Vivekananda as his ideal . He had not really meditated on any Enlightened Being except for Shri Mahayogi , so at the beginning , it was very difficult to focus on Swami Vivekananda . He was , of course , interested in India , where Yoga and religion are well rooted and have developed , but sometime later he really wanted to see and experience how , and in what kinds of places Swami Vivekananda actually lived and practiced . So he went to India . He tried to feel the life and spirit of Swami Vivekananda through communicating with the swamis and devotees in Belur Math and branches of the Ramakrishna Mission , to see and touch and trace the footsteps of Swami Vivekananda 's life and work . When he returned to Japan , his daily life was very much influenced by meditating on Swami Vivekananda . If there was ever a moment in which he caught the mind in an idle , unfocused state - he would immediately begin to repeat the name of Swami Vivekananda . So , gradually he was able to focus intently on Swami Vivekananda , and he has begun to feel the bliss , or the Reality that he feels when he focuses single - mindedly on Shri Mahayogi . The quality of his concentration was not steady at first , but through persisting and continuing to practice , there was something that he began to understand : the origin of that bliss , or Reality , that he feels from Swami Vivekananda and Shri Mahayogi exists within him . And because of the fact that this experience of Reality is not consistent , some days it is strong and some days it is weak , his immediate goal is then to make it possible to feel this bliss and Reality at all times , endlessly , and to know its essence . He understood the essential need to deepen his learning and restructure his life completely in order to accomplish that task . And this learning and meditation have continued up to now . In the morning , they took an Asana and Meditation class led by Dharmini . After that , Nandi went back to Shanti Kutira alone by bicycle to meet Gurudas there . They are both masseurs , so they shared their practices and learned from each other . ( It was quite an adventure for Nandi to get back there all by himself … and , well … he lost his way … But it was better than another guruhbai from New York some years ago who got lost riding back by bicycle and ended up circling around the immediate neighborhood for several hours ! ) The rest of us were in Kripalu 's car . He took us sight - seeing to the Fushimi Shrine , the iconic Shinto shrine with the vermillion toriis cascading down the hillside . Throughout our visit , Kripalu graciously took care of us in addition to Taka and Yohei . He quit his job right before our visit due to his former company 's relocation to the next prefecture . In order to continue to serve by participating in the works of the MYM , he chose to quit his job rather than relocating with the company . Because of his newly found flexibility , he unconditionally offered us a lot of his time and energy . Very often , he would come to pick up Anandamali , who was serving as the translator and organizer of the trip , at 2 am , or even 5am , to take her where she was staying , at Yoga Vihara , the residence of Yogadanda and Satya . Aniruddha was again the first one to ask them a question . In an attempt to get help for himself , he said that he supposed that at the beginning , their focus was not only on Yoga , so what was it that made it possible for them to focus solely on Yoga ? They answered very openly and sincerely . She continued to practice asana every single day , she took everything that was taught to her as being the positive things that she should practice , such as not drinking alcohol or not eating meat . And one year later , there was an incident that made her recognize a great transformation of her mind , and it really amazed her to know that the mind , which had been so resistant to change no matter how hard she tried , could change if she practiced Yoga continuously and persistently over the course of one year . That made her think that Yoga is her life 's work and the one thing that she would continue . Madhri said that at some point , she started to feel that she really wanted to find out what the aim or purpose of life is . While she continued her search , and when she felt that she would not be able to go further , she met Shri Mahayogi . And the firm words spoken by Shri Mahayogi , " The Truth that is unchangeable , exists in everyone , " penetrated her , and she started to feel convinced . Then Shri Mahayogi told her , " Seek seriously only that which is truly precious , and by doing that , the number of things that are equally precious that remain , will be clarified . " Upon hearing this , she began the practice . In a strong surge of emotion , Aniruddha 's head fell toward his chest and he placed his hand on his forehead , as he struggled to contain his emotions . No matter how much he struggled to gain control , it could not be controlled . Moments of silence ensued … and through a forced whisper , he said , " Anandamali … I came here knowing that perhaps this is my first and last visit - I would never have a chance to come back again … . Even though I am not in such condition both mentally and spiritually , I was able to come … I really want to deal with the part of me that is indecisive … " Later on , after reflecting on his experience however , he realized that Shri Mahayogi had not said anything at the satsangha , but actually , he had received much more than an answer … THE EXPERIENCE OF OPENING - it was Shri Mahayogi 's blessing that did that for him . It was Sri Mahayogi 's blessing that freed him for the very first time . Aniruddha said ,
|
A : Putting together a toddler bed that was made in China with the only Phillips - head screwdriver that you can find in the house , which may have originally been intended for sunglasses , while fishing screws out of a 20 - month - old 's mouth and listening to a 3 - year - old ask , " Why is this wood ? Why , Mommy ? Mommy ? Why ? Why is it wood ? Mommy , why is it wood ? Mommy ? Why ? Why ? Why ? Why ? " 5 . What 's more fun than putting together a toddler bed that was made in China with the only Phillips - head screwdriver that you can find in the house , which may have originally been intended for sunglasses , while fishing screws out of a 20 - month - old 's mouth and listening to a 3 - year - old ask , " Why is this wood ? Why , Mommy ? Mommy ? Why ? Why is it wood ? Mommy , why is it wood ? Mommy ? Why ? Why ? Why ? Why ? " 3 . This is a long one . They did all this stuff when I was growing up that I assumed was just , you know , stuff they really liked to do . And when I became a parent I discovered something more . There 's a secret that our parents never really share with us - there is so much more they did for me that I don 't even know about because I was a kid and kids assume that when they 're not in the room , their parents turn into giant mannequins and wait for the children to return so they can reanimate . Kind of like Reverse Toy Story . - They don 't know how close we have gotten to seriously just leaving them behind , shoeless , writhing on the stairs , when it was time to go to school . So close . Had to pull the key out of the ignition close . - They don 't know we are lying when we promise that we will stay awake in the hallway all night to make sure they can sleep . But to be fair , their door is locked and that 's a pretty fucked - up thing to ask someone to do for you . I 'll need you to not sleep so I can sleep . Promise ? PINKY SWEAR ? - They don 't know how hard we are faking it when we act super - excited for the 4 - year - old 's birthday party . It 's going to be SOOOO FUUUUUUUN ! I can 't WAAAAAAIT for all the SCREEEEEAMING ! We do it for you , junior . FOR YOU . 3 . And I wasn 't born in a barn . ( It was a birthing center ) ( for cows ) ( in Salt Lake ) ( I still love the smell of hay ) . I know how to start a conversation like a milkfed mammal , and most of us don 't follow hello with , " so , want to know what happens when you give a 10 - month - old Wendy 's chili ? " 4 . And I know that a lot of non - parents read this blog , and have probably been dreading this very post . " The signs have begun ; the day is near . No , Belaraniel , King of Nargothrond , you must not follow . . . she has chosen the dark . From this day , this blog shall be nonstop crap stories and anti - vaxxer rage . Godspeed , KatyKatiKate . ' Twas once a pleasure to read thee . ' Twasn 't I an Elfin oracle a minute ago ? ' Twhy am I now a roaming minstrel ? Oh , sha - lay - lee , oh , sha - lay - loo , hi - ya - dingo - billy - bob - cray . What ho , fair maiden , won 't you prithee point me toward the giant turkey drumsticks ? " * How many shits , you ask ? Well , in the time it has taken me to write this post I have changed three shitty diapers . But to be fair , lunch and nap time might as well be renamed " Pause to Crap your Pants Time , " or possibly just " Blastoff . " Parents expect to get up close and personal with poop on the regs once those big - eyed poop machines emerge on D - Day . Poop becomes a recurring theme of our days - the feet in our Tarantino movies , if you will . Most of our brushes with excrement are not worth commenting on ; some are apocalyptic , some hilarious , some grotesque , but most are just another turd in the Genie . The anesthesiologist took one look at my weathered skin and the state of my hair and thought , " this bitch lives hard . I 'm bringing out the Beast . " Ten seconds after he pumped an actual Big Gulp of epidural into my spine , the stabbing contractions vanished and I finally stopped barfing baked ziti and screaming MOUNT EVEREST - our password for GIVE ME THE DRUGS . I came back to the world , trembling but cracking wise , and blessing drugs , just drugs , all drugs , forever and ever , amen . The other shoe dropped when it came time to push . My body was gone . They could have carved up my thigh to feed all the tigers in Bangkok and I would have really regretted not reading that consent form , but until I passed out from blood loss I 'd have been quite comfortable . From between my stirrups , the midwife said , " here comes a contraction . Okay , grab your legs , and puuuuuuuuuush ! Go go go go go go go go go go go go ! NOW , I said ! It 's time to push ! Are you pushing ? " Ten contractions later , the midwife stood up , sighed , and said to the nurse , " I 'm going to make some tea . " I was mid - push . I watched her walk to the door , pull it open , and leave . I turned to the nurse , whose jaw was hanging open . " Should I keep going ? " The nurse said , " uh . . . let me just . . . " and darted out of the room . The team regrouped . The midwife returned with a fragrant cup of orange tea in a blue stoneware mug , and the nurse took up her station at my side . We tried everything - changing positions , holding a towel , bending me in half . An OB arrived and recommended the vacuum . If it didn 't work , she said , they 'd have to take me for a c - section immediately . The room filled with people in anticipation of the surgery , each of whom seemed to have a single highly - specific job , like the human equivalents of NASA tools or manicure instruments . " Toby , you hold the towels . Regina , you take the towels from Toby when the baby comes out , and hand one towel to Eloise . Eloise , you wrap the baby 's legs in the bottom half of the towel , and Ned , you wrap the baby 's torso in the top half of the same towel . Ahmed , you stand by with supplemental towels , but Ahmed , you WAIT for the password before just throwing another towel on that baby willy - nilly , you hear me ? This isn 't going to be another Schlessinger delivery . Towel Team , are we go for launch ? Great . NEXT ! Ice Chip Team , huddle up . YES , all of you . " At the next contraction , I pushed as hard as I could so the OB could fasten the suction cup to Chicken 's dome . I felt nothing . But as I pushed my little heart out , the whole room , the curved crowd of scrubbed - up onlookers , in perfect chorus , made that little , " whoops ! " sound , the skippy little diphthong of a sound that can only mean " she just pooped . You guys all saw that right ? She just pooped on the table . Sssshhhh guys . Be cool , be cool . Nobody act like you just saw a poop get born . Nobody act like that this woman just defecated in front of 96 strangers with Instagram accounts and camera phones . " Newborn poop - meconium - is bizarre , sticky , and swampy , like the stuff you 'd scoop out of your drain after bathing a sea otter you rescued from an oil slick . If ever you needed proof that newborn babies aren 't of this earth quite yet , just check the contents of those shorts , amigo . Their shit is extraterrestrial . Breastmilk poop is bright yellow and comes out speckled with tiny white milk curds , and it smells like buttered popcorn . If ever you needed proof that babies are factories of goodness and delight , just check the contents of those shorts , amigo . Their shit smells like movie theater manna . Me : Any time you poop , I will change you , because I love you . People who love you will want to help you clean your yuckiest poops the most , so you can be comfortable . People who love you should love all of you . Chicken : Oh . Okay . But what if it 's just a pee diap ? From the other room , I smelled it . When I walked into the playroom , goggles in place and ventilator standing by , I found Buster with his back to me , standing at the train table , babbling softly as he clapped another Mega Blok on his tower . A lump in his diaper the size of a KFC biscuit cast a shadow on the ground . Chicken lay unconscious in the corner , his foot still twitching . I dragged Chicken to an open window , looped my St . Christopher medallion around his neck , and whispered , " Mommy 's got this . " In an attempt to cut my own shit , I 'm going to blog every day for a month . See if that doesn 't shake loose the cobwebs and help me remember how to tell a fucking story already . See you every day from now until April 28 , suckas . " Girls are really strong but they always wait . I 'd like to be strong like a girl . But it seems really hard to be a girl . " Me : Well , you can 't marry him , because he 's your brother . But because he 's your brother , he 's already your partner for the rest of your life . Chicken : Brothers can be partners ? As I write this , Chicken is in his bedroom , whining and wailing for Mommy . He spent the morning in the kitchen , whining and wailing for Mommy . He spent the afternoon in the play room , whining and wailing for Mommy . But somehow , I convinced myself that maybe the museum was like an enchanted tent in Harry Potter , and all 5 , 000 of us could fit inside the building quite easily . Airily , even . We might not even see any other people . Our footsteps would echo as we pretended to do ballet in the Dino foyer . I should have known when Chicken pulled on my sleeve , looked up at me with his big brown eyes , and said , " Mommy ? Waiting is not easy . But Dino Day is worth it . " But somehow , I remained confident that this was an outstanding idea . Once we got inside , I knew , the crowd would disperse throughout the exhibits . There would be a natural resettling of bodies . It only felt chaotic because there was nothing for us to do out here . - A family bailed , right in front of us , and the 5 or 6 - year - old son had to be carried , sobbing , back to the car . Chicken asked , " Why is he so sad ? " And I said , " Because he couldn 't stay for Dino Day . " Chicken said , " Oh . Are we gonna stay for Dino Day ? " I said , " We 're going to talk about it before we make any decisions , okay ? If you get tired of waiting you just let me know . We can go play hide and seek in the field . " Chicken smiled , " I can wait a little longer . " Everything is going great . You 're teaching him patience and self - control . You 've got this . - A museum employee walked down the line , talking and pointing up to the front of the building , then waving her hand as if to suggest that some people could just go right on ahead inside , for gosh sakes . When she got close enough , I heard her asking , " is anyone a museum member ? " I called out , " if I join can I skip the line ? " She smiled , " yep ! You can just go straight up to the front . . . " I assume she trailed off once she realized that I was gone , long gone . Fuck patience and self - control . There is no membership fee too steep . I should have known , when the paleontologist or whatever fixed his glassy stare on Chicken and grinned , a little wildly , tiny droplets of sweat literally careening off his forehead as he spoke , " SO WHAT ' S YOUR FAVORITE DINOSAUR LITTLE GUY ? " Chicken ducked behind my legs and froze . I smiled and said , " he 's a little overwhelmed . This is quite a scene . " The man 's face did not change at all as I spoke . He looked like a rubberized face mask of a Disney substitute teacher - nerdy , panicked , smiling for dear life . He 'd gone round the bend . I said , " oooookay , thank you , " and started to back away through the crowd . He stood up and yelled at Chicken , " SO WHAT ' S YOUR FAVORITE DINOSAUR ? " Chicken buried his face in my jeans . I called back , " it 's Huayangasaurus ! " He laughed , shook his head and said , " What an imagination on him , huh ? Next it 'll be a Cheeseburgersaurus ! " I stopped backing away and said , " It 's a real dinosaur . " He shrugged and said , " I 've never heard of it . " Alan . This isn 't Free First Thursdays . This is Dino Day , motherfucker . This is the SHOW . Now get your ass to the fucking library and do not come out until you have memorized all seventeen seasons of Dinosaur Train . But somehow I justified staying , just a little longer . We 'd already parked , bought the membership , come inside , been accused of counterfeiting dinosaurs . We should get some fun out of this too , right ? At the very least we should do that dino dig I 'd heard advertised ! Let 's go get dirty , right ? Someone hand my kids a hammer ! SOMEONE LET THEM TOUCH SOMETHING . What the fastidious fuck , Barbara . You breakin my kid 's balls over here ? You breakin my kid 's balls over fossils versus dinos ? Come ' ere . I wanna introduce you to somebody . In the trunk of my car . I should have known , when I looked down and saw a bright pink pacifier , not our brand , bobbing up and down in his mouth as he sucked with vigor and relief . " Hello ! " I yelled , and pulled it out of his mouth . There was only one other family within range , so I tapped the mother ahead of us on the shoulder . She whirled around , her expression one of homicidal annoyance . Obviously . Like all of ours . I held out the binky and said , " I am so sorry . . . I think my son just grabbed this from your daughter and put it in his mouth . " The woman , whose expression had blossomed into the kind of violent disgust you usually only see at Donald Trump rallies , said " No . My children don 't use . . . those . " Her husband turned around , eyebrows raised , and she filled him in . " No , " he said , as if it was the first time , " my children don 't use . . . those . " " Well , my children use em ! " I laughed , leaning in conspiratorially . " The little one loves them so much that he steals them from strangers at the museum and puts them in his mouth ! " Mitsy had already turned away from me . I can only assume that my gauche visage and the unruly countenances of my heathen litter of savages made her feel icky . Rip did not even crack a smile . He said , his voice low and serious , his head so stiffly vertical that I couldn 't even find shelter in an empathetic head tilt : " that is awful . " " What ? " I felt sure I 'd misheard him . Or maybe when I said , " my children use pacifiers and sometimes steal them from others , " he 'd heard , " My children don 't use car seats or vaccines . " Oh , I don 't know . It 's not my job to decide what it says . Side note : Okay . . . that was savant - like . He 's been waking up at 4 : 15 am , like clockwork , for almost 2 weeks now . He isn 't fussing , whining , or moaning in the way adults do when their alarms go off and they 're half - snoring , half - crying to the heavens , " sweet Lord , sweet chubby Baby Jesus , please no , just please let me sleep . " He isn 't trying to bridge the gap to 1 or , if there is a merciful God in heaven , 2 or 3 more sleep cycles . He 's up . He 's giggling . He jumps on Chicken 's bed , giggles and squeals of pure delight bubbling out from around his binky , as frothy and bottomless as if he were faking a seizure on a prison bus with Harrison Ford . I wait until Chicken starts moaning the aforementioned " sweet Lord , sweet chubby Baby Jesus " moans , and then I go in to get Buster . 1 . I 've been up for four hours . 2 . I 'm four coffees deep . 3 . I 'm googling , " 8 am fettuccine alfredo delivery Seattle . " 1 . Buster has fallen asleep in the car . How convenient . I would wake him up out of spite , but I want him to sleep so I can eat a loaf of bread standing up in the kitchen , with only the crackle of the crust and the wet smacking of my jaws to disturb the silence . 3 . I 've accepted that I will spend the rest of the day not doing the things I need to do , and then hating myself for not getting anything done . By the time it 's actually lunch time , I 've been awake for 8 hours . Three things have happened : When B isn 't pulling kryptonite on me , I feel like Superman , so used to handling my shit and everyone else 's that I take it for granted , and then put on my glasses and say , " who , me ? Shucks , I 'm just a regular person , like all y ' all . " I feel like all of my friends are this person , too - miraculously capable , but undercover about it . Right now I feel like Superman the day he woke up and was like , " I 'm faster than a locomotive ! " And his toddler was like , " not today , motherfucker . " And Superman got flattened by that locomotive . And his toddler was like , " check the score board , Kal - El . " At least , as a parent of almost four years , I am able to recognize that this sleepless kryptonite is miserable but temporary . It will not be like this forever . It will not be like this forever . It will not be like this forever . I haven 't been writing because usually what I do is : 5 . I write a blog post about it . It takes a couple of hours , and then I read it aloud , and then I spend another half an hour or so making sure it 's pretty much what I want , and then I publish it . It 's a blog . Part of the beauty of it is that it doesn 't have to be polished . 4 . I think , " I haven 't blogged in awhile . But I can 't think of anything to write about . Maybe I 'm a fraud . Maybe I 'm a hack . Maybe I 'm weak - willed and phoney . Holden Caulfield would hate my guts . Is there a blog post in this ? No . Nobody cares what Holden Caulfield would think of you . Ya big phoney . " Tired is kryptonite . Your sharp vision is blurry . Your kindness grows thorns because it takes so much less work to be prickly . The things that you can normally do are beyond you . People turn to you for help and you have to say , " I can 't . I 'm weak right now . I 'm hurting . I can barely keep my head above water for long enough to steal a breath before I go under again , where it 's muffled and dim . " The reason we 're normally capable isn 't because we 're gods . We 've simply chosen a life that gives us a drag suit and ankle weights , every day , forever . I always tell new moms that babies don 't get easier but parents get harder . We 're operational athletes , so accustomed to the hurdles and exertion and actual physical pain of parenting that it feels strange to go to the grocery store without at least one baby in your cart or on your chest . You check your handbag . I feel like something 's missing . I 'm too light . We find ways to make it work , to be the person we need to be for our families , for our colleagues , for our friends and parents . The first thing to go is patience for your spouse . I say hi , and Ryan 's like , " what is that supposed to mean ? " And I 'm like , " what are you hiding ? " And he 's like , " why don 't you trust me ? " And I 'm like , " I can 't talk about this right now . " And he 's like , " fine . " # soulmates Then you stop listening to your children . Chicken asked me if cars could fly and I said , " sure , baby , " and he got so excited that I tuned back into the conversation and said , " wait , what did you just ask me ? " And he asked me again , with eyes shining so bright they could blind commuters at the right angle , and I said , " oh . No . Nope . No way . Sorry , baby . I . . . misunderstood the question . But , uh . . . airplanes are kind of like flying cars . They have wheels . . . and stuff . " Then the house work goes to the dogs . Actually , I wish to the dogs . My floor would be way cleaner if I had a pack of dogs hanging out . I could put one on the counter . And one in the bathtub . If I smeared my whole house with BBQ sauce my shit would be dinner party - ready . Then , someday , the baby starts to sleep later . Maybe one morning it 's 5 am . Maybe , oh ecstasy , it 's 5 : 30 . You reach out to a friend with a new baby and ask if she needs dinner tonight . You 're making ziti and it 's really no trouble to double the recipe . Not today , it 's not . I 'm not there yet - Buster is still the locomotive dragging our powerless lives through the mud . But it will not be like this forever . It will not be like this forever . It will not be like this forever . OH ! Real quick before I go , I wanted to share this parenthetically related piece of inspiration for anyone who is being pressed flat by the exponential gravitational pull of kryptonite today . A coda , if you will . I 'm going to assume that by " just for everything , " he meant , " I see how hard your job is , and how long your hours are , and how you put your heart into giving our family more than just what it needs to survive . I see how you take a deep breath and say , ' okay ! ' when I ask if we can go to the Children 's Museum today . I know you don 't feel like it . I know you do things that you don 't want to do , all day long , every day . I know that everything - EVERYTHING - is more work than it should be . I know you don 't pick your head up to think about how many steps go into a simple operation like " bath " or " getting from the car to the front door of the school , " because if you picked your head up and thought about all those steps you wouldn 't be able to do anything at all but surrender . Thank you , for somehow doing everything . I love you . I 'm not going to murder anyone when I get older . " Thanks . Because what I really needed in my life was more fucking spatter . No , really . I needed some more food , liquid food , dropped on the floor to produce a spatter , because if there 's anything worse than murdering your family , it 's having the CSI guys be , like , bored by your crime scene . This salsa spatter . . . it 's gonna stump em . At least until the lab gets those results back . And then McMurtry will be like , " I told you it was salsa , Rick - o . Someone probably put one of those to - go containers in the butter compartment in the door and it fell out . Right before the murdering started , " and then Pantalonsky will be like , " Freddy , nobody is dumb enough to put salsa in the butter compartment . That shit will fall out for sure . Seriously , nobody would do that . " And then McMurtry will put on his sunglasses and say , " Nobody alive , that 's for sure . " I think it says a lot about your strength of character when you get dressed on a day that your kid is sick and you know for a fact that you will only be breathing air that smells like your own sloughed - off skin cells and viral plague for the next 24 hours . Did you put on pants with a button ? Honey ! Good for you ! You got on the board ! Did you put on a black or otherwise dark - colored shirt ? You must like it dirty . And I mean dirty . Because by the end of the day you will know exactly where , on your body , your sick baby wiped his oozing face . And it will be EVERYWHERE . It will look like you were molested by a battalion of horny slugs . Or pelted with tiny snowballs made of Vaseline . But that 's how you like it , right ? Chicken took a book from one of his classmates today - one that has a real clock face with a silly squiggly mouth , two wide oval eyes , and hands you can spin around . Honestly , it 's a pretty sick book . It 's a page - turner . It 's the toddler 's Da Vinci Code . The other kid - we 'll call him Edward - had been deeply invested in pushing the spinning hands round and round , when Chicken pulled the slick hardback from his lap . Edward grabbed it back . Chicken pulled harder . Edward pulled harder , too . Then Edward bit Chicken on the chest . Chicken picked his head up and began to sob again , the rhythmic heaves that sound like they 're being summoned from the earth 's cracked core , no - fucking - around crying , the way adults cry alone in the car , parked at the back of the Safeway parking lot , at night , listening to Adele , eating a baguette . The way I wish I could cry anymore . Chicken leaned into my arms and the teacher handed me his heaving body . Sure , I was a little mad , madder when I got home and actually saw the wound . I say wound , because that shit is a WOUND . You can see the little crevice of each tooth , the way Edward 's top teeth and bottom teeth pinched a narrow band of Chicken 's pink chest together until it raised and turned white , a little slip of an ivory island jutting out of an angry red river . My feelings about this incident are , shockingly , as nobody could have predicted , in a manner that in no way characterizes literally everything about the way I luxuriate in my own perspective , more complex than that . I know ! You 're super surprised and so excited to read 2 , 000 words on how I feel about biting , and yet how I feel about so much more than biting . I suspect it is not the bruised and punctured skin that hurts so much as the sudden understanding of what a person could do to him . This is Chicken 's first brush with acute , intentional violence . He 's been hit and pushed - it 's not called a jungle gym because it encourages diplomatic conversation - but always in the casual , thoughtless way that children do when they need to get to the monkey bars and there happens to be another warm body in the way . This was different , as intimate as a stabbing , or a kiss . Or , really , both . Until now , he 's lived among other kids the way the Grizzly Man lived among wild bears , with confidence born of innocence , with the naive certainty that we 're all the same . Those bears remind me of security guards at a gated community . They look so lazy , don 't they ? So bored , round , and harmless . In a second , that can change . One step too close and a bear 's mass loses all its cartoonish friendliness ; one nip and you bleed . One wound , and the world you thought was always padded and patiently mediated turns out to be a really fucking scary hurt locker . That shit leaves a scar . Today Chicken learned that a person can draw his blood for a small reason , or no reason . A person can open his body . A person can take from him , his skin , his certainty . I went on a school hike with ten or so other kids in 7th grade . Midway up the mountain , our little band felt bonded , even though some of us were giant - glasses - wearing dorks and some were sleek - ponytailed celebrities . I found myself talking with people whose entire wardrobes I 'd memorized from afar . It was heady and I grinned as we slogged up the trail . Maybe we 'd stay friends ? Even off the mountain ? Some of the boys started teasing another boy about his girlfriend , who had just broken up with him . He laughed - it was all in good fun , and this was a 7th grade relationship , so even if his heart had been broken he would never have admitted it . One of the guys said , " I heard she 's going to homecoming with a freshman . " Everyone said , " oooooooooh , " and laughed , including the boy . I remember seeing his back shake with laughter ; he was right in front of me . Drunk on camaraderie , I raised my voice and chimed in , " I heard she 's going with Josh . " Josh wasn 't just a freshman , but a hot freshman who was seriously probably going to start varsity lacrosse . Everyone laughed even louder . I felt like a lottery winner . The teacher ran back to see what the problem was . I folded my lips together so they wouldn 't shake . Everyone stood silently until the boy 's friend said , " Nah , everything 's ok , we were just joking . " The teacher looked at me and said , reluctantly ( he was so not interested in our drama ) " are you okay ? " I nodded . The group filed back into a single line . I waited till the end , till their voices rumbled and their giggles chirped back toward me . It felt like the safest place to be . It was one of those schizophrenic parenting moments , when you have to choose which screaming parenting voice in your head to listen to , in a split second . Do I talk about gun safety ? Do I accept that violent play is as natural and indeed important for toddlers as sexual curiosity or an obsession with fire trucks ? Do I say that guns aren 't for playing with even though we all know that my hair dryer isn 't really a gun and he will probably just go find something else gun - shaped to pretend to kill people with ? It felt like the beginning of grief . It felt like time to pack up the cotton - stuffed " Pat the Bunny " books . It felt anachronistic to ask Chicken to use his long fingers to pat the bunny , to use the lips that said , " bang , bang , " to kiss the palm - sized rabbit on a ribbon good - night . " It 's a big decision to make , there are so many parenting philosophies out there , you know ? But to me , it just boils down to a single question : whether or not you believe that children are innocent and sweet when left to their own devices . I do not believe that . " It was an odd " single question " to boil down to , in my mind . I don 't think that any deep relationship can be boiled down to any single question , but if I had to streamline my parenting philosophy so it could fit on a scrap of paper to slip into a fortune cookie , it wouldn 't be , " I do not believe children are innocent and sweet when left to their own devices . " ( in bed ) ( haha ) After I suppressed my knee - jerk reaction to tear this statement apart , I settled in to give it good thorough consideration and found that I actually agree , a little bit . I don 't think children are sweet when left to their own devices , at least not all the time . But I think the parts of them that aren 't sweet are the same parts that are innocent . It 's the child 's inexperience with the humiliation that leads him to say , out loud , " why is that fat guy in a wheelchair ? " It is the child 's precious ignorance of human rage that allows him to overturn a plate of homemade baked ziti , and then look you in the eye and say , " you clean it up . Now . " It is the child 's unmalicious irritation at having his book stolen that bares his teeth . When I have the chance to watch my child be sweet , there is a part of me that sings and a part that folds my lips together so they won 't shake . If he 's learned to be sweet , he 's lost something pure . If he 's learned to be kind , it cost him . Chicken and Buster are watching a movie in my bed while I finish this blog post . I had no idea how I was going to end it . Then Chicken rolled over , snuggled into his brother 's side , and began to sing : Let 's be real . Nobody is going to see Bad Moms for the edge - of - your - seat plot twists . But consider yourselves warned : Here be spoilers . . . .
|
A : Putting together a toddler bed that was made in China with the only Phillips - head screwdriver that you can find in the house , which may have originally been intended for sunglasses , while fishing screws out of a 20 - month - old 's mouth and listening to a 3 - year - old ask , " Why is this wood ? Why , Mommy ? Mommy ? Why ? Why is it wood ? Mommy , why is it wood ? Mommy ? Why ? Why ? Why ? Why ? " 5 . What 's more fun than putting together a toddler bed that was made in China with the only Phillips - head screwdriver that you can find in the house , which may have originally been intended for sunglasses , while fishing screws out of a 20 - month - old 's mouth and listening to a 3 - year - old ask , " Why is this wood ? Why , Mommy ? Mommy ? Why ? Why is it wood ? Mommy , why is it wood ? Mommy ? Why ? Why ? Why ? Why ? " 3 . This is a long one . They did all this stuff when I was growing up that I assumed was just , you know , stuff they really liked to do . And when I became a parent I discovered something more . There 's a secret that our parents never really share with us - there is so much more they did for me that I don 't even know about because I was a kid and kids assume that when they 're not in the room , their parents turn into giant mannequins and wait for the children to return so they can reanimate . Kind of like Reverse Toy Story . - They don 't know how close we have gotten to seriously just leaving them behind , shoeless , writhing on the stairs , when it was time to go to school . So close . Had to pull the key out of the ignition close . - They don 't know we are lying when we promise that we will stay awake in the hallway all night to make sure they can sleep . But to be fair , their door is locked and that 's a pretty fucked - up thing to ask someone to do for you . I 'll need you to not sleep so I can sleep . Promise ? PINKY SWEAR ? - They don 't know how hard we are faking it when we act super - excited for the 4 - year - old 's birthday party . It 's going to be SOOOO FUUUUUUUN ! I can 't WAAAAAAIT for all the SCREEEEEAMING ! We do it for you , junior . FOR YOU . 3 . And I wasn 't born in a barn . ( It was a birthing center ) ( for cows ) ( in Salt Lake ) ( I still love the smell of hay ) . I know how to start a conversation like a milkfed mammal , and most of us don 't follow hello with , " so , want to know what happens when you give a 10 - month - old Wendy 's chili ? " 4 . And I know that a lot of non - parents read this blog , and have probably been dreading this very post . " The signs have begun ; the day is near . No , Belaraniel , King of Nargothrond , you must not follow . . . she has chosen the dark . From this day , this blog shall be nonstop crap stories and anti - vaxxer rage . Godspeed , KatyKatiKate . ' Twas once a pleasure to read thee . ' Twasn 't I an Elfin oracle a minute ago ? ' Twhy am I now a roaming minstrel ? Oh , sha - lay - lee , oh , sha - lay - loo , hi - ya - dingo - billy - bob - cray . What ho , fair maiden , won 't you prithee point me toward the giant turkey drumsticks ? " * How many shits , you ask ? Well , in the time it has taken me to write this post I have changed three shitty diapers . But to be fair , lunch and nap time might as well be renamed " Pause to Crap your Pants Time , " or possibly just " Blastoff . " Parents expect to get up close and personal with poop on the regs once those big - eyed poop machines emerge on D - Day . Poop becomes a recurring theme of our days - the feet in our Tarantino movies , if you will . Most of our brushes with excrement are not worth commenting on ; some are apocalyptic , some hilarious , some grotesque , but most are just another turd in the Genie . The anesthesiologist took one look at my weathered skin and the state of my hair and thought , " this bitch lives hard . I 'm bringing out the Beast . " Ten seconds after he pumped an actual Big Gulp of epidural into my spine , the stabbing contractions vanished and I finally stopped barfing baked ziti and screaming MOUNT EVEREST - our password for GIVE ME THE DRUGS . I came back to the world , trembling but cracking wise , and blessing drugs , just drugs , all drugs , forever and ever , amen . The other shoe dropped when it came time to push . My body was gone . They could have carved up my thigh to feed all the tigers in Bangkok and I would have really regretted not reading that consent form , but until I passed out from blood loss I 'd have been quite comfortable . From between my stirrups , the midwife said , " here comes a contraction . Okay , grab your legs , and puuuuuuuuuush ! Go go go go go go go go go go go go ! NOW , I said ! It 's time to push ! Are you pushing ? " Ten contractions later , the midwife stood up , sighed , and said to the nurse , " I 'm going to make some tea . " I was mid - push . I watched her walk to the door , pull it open , and leave . I turned to the nurse , whose jaw was hanging open . " Should I keep going ? " The nurse said , " uh . . . let me just . . . " and darted out of the room . The team regrouped . The midwife returned with a fragrant cup of orange tea in a blue stoneware mug , and the nurse took up her station at my side . We tried everything - changing positions , holding a towel , bending me in half . An OB arrived and recommended the vacuum . If it didn 't work , she said , they 'd have to take me for a c - section immediately . The room filled with people in anticipation of the surgery , each of whom seemed to have a single highly - specific job , like the human equivalents of NASA tools or manicure instruments . " Toby , you hold the towels . Regina , you take the towels from Toby when the baby comes out , and hand one towel to Eloise . Eloise , you wrap the baby 's legs in the bottom half of the towel , and Ned , you wrap the baby 's torso in the top half of the same towel . Ahmed , you stand by with supplemental towels , but Ahmed , you WAIT for the password before just throwing another towel on that baby willy - nilly , you hear me ? This isn 't going to be another Schlessinger delivery . Towel Team , are we go for launch ? Great . NEXT ! Ice Chip Team , huddle up . YES , all of you . " At the next contraction , I pushed as hard as I could so the OB could fasten the suction cup to Chicken 's dome . I felt nothing . But as I pushed my little heart out , the whole room , the curved crowd of scrubbed - up onlookers , in perfect chorus , made that little , " whoops ! " sound , the skippy little diphthong of a sound that can only mean " she just pooped . You guys all saw that right ? She just pooped on the table . Sssshhhh guys . Be cool , be cool . Nobody act like you just saw a poop get born . Nobody act like that this woman just defecated in front of 96 strangers with Instagram accounts and camera phones . " Newborn poop - meconium - is bizarre , sticky , and swampy , like the stuff you 'd scoop out of your drain after bathing a sea otter you rescued from an oil slick . If ever you needed proof that newborn babies aren 't of this earth quite yet , just check the contents of those shorts , amigo . Their shit is extraterrestrial . Breastmilk poop is bright yellow and comes out speckled with tiny white milk curds , and it smells like buttered popcorn . If ever you needed proof that babies are factories of goodness and delight , just check the contents of those shorts , amigo . Their shit smells like movie theater manna . Me : Any time you poop , I will change you , because I love you . People who love you will want to help you clean your yuckiest poops the most , so you can be comfortable . People who love you should love all of you . Chicken : Oh . Okay . But what if it 's just a pee diap ? From the other room , I smelled it . When I walked into the playroom , goggles in place and ventilator standing by , I found Buster with his back to me , standing at the train table , babbling softly as he clapped another Mega Blok on his tower . A lump in his diaper the size of a KFC biscuit cast a shadow on the ground . Chicken lay unconscious in the corner , his foot still twitching . I dragged Chicken to an open window , looped my St . Christopher medallion around his neck , and whispered , " Mommy 's got this . " In an attempt to cut my own shit , I 'm going to blog every day for a month . See if that doesn 't shake loose the cobwebs and help me remember how to tell a fucking story already . See you every day from now until April 28 , suckas . " Girls are really strong but they always wait . I 'd like to be strong like a girl . But it seems really hard to be a girl . " Me : Well , you can 't marry him , because he 's your brother . But because he 's your brother , he 's already your partner for the rest of your life . Chicken : Brothers can be partners ? As I write this , Chicken is in his bedroom , whining and wailing for Mommy . He spent the morning in the kitchen , whining and wailing for Mommy . He spent the afternoon in the play room , whining and wailing for Mommy . But somehow , I convinced myself that maybe the museum was like an enchanted tent in Harry Potter , and all 5 , 000 of us could fit inside the building quite easily . Airily , even . We might not even see any other people . Our footsteps would echo as we pretended to do ballet in the Dino foyer . I should have known when Chicken pulled on my sleeve , looked up at me with his big brown eyes , and said , " Mommy ? Waiting is not easy . But Dino Day is worth it . " But somehow , I remained confident that this was an outstanding idea . Once we got inside , I knew , the crowd would disperse throughout the exhibits . There would be a natural resettling of bodies . It only felt chaotic because there was nothing for us to do out here . - A family bailed , right in front of us , and the 5 or 6 - year - old son had to be carried , sobbing , back to the car . Chicken asked , " Why is he so sad ? " And I said , " Because he couldn 't stay for Dino Day . " Chicken said , " Oh . Are we gonna stay for Dino Day ? " I said , " We 're going to talk about it before we make any decisions , okay ? If you get tired of waiting you just let me know . We can go play hide and seek in the field . " Chicken smiled , " I can wait a little longer . " Everything is going great . You 're teaching him patience and self - control . You 've got this . - A museum employee walked down the line , talking and pointing up to the front of the building , then waving her hand as if to suggest that some people could just go right on ahead inside , for gosh sakes . When she got close enough , I heard her asking , " is anyone a museum member ? " I called out , " if I join can I skip the line ? " She smiled , " yep ! You can just go straight up to the front . . . " I assume she trailed off once she realized that I was gone , long gone . Fuck patience and self - control . There is no membership fee too steep . I should have known , when the paleontologist or whatever fixed his glassy stare on Chicken and grinned , a little wildly , tiny droplets of sweat literally careening off his forehead as he spoke , " SO WHAT ' S YOUR FAVORITE DINOSAUR LITTLE GUY ? " Chicken ducked behind my legs and froze . I smiled and said , " he 's a little overwhelmed . This is quite a scene . " The man 's face did not change at all as I spoke . He looked like a rubberized face mask of a Disney substitute teacher - nerdy , panicked , smiling for dear life . He 'd gone round the bend . I said , " oooookay , thank you , " and started to back away through the crowd . He stood up and yelled at Chicken , " SO WHAT ' S YOUR FAVORITE DINOSAUR ? " Chicken buried his face in my jeans . I called back , " it 's Huayangasaurus ! " He laughed , shook his head and said , " What an imagination on him , huh ? Next it 'll be a Cheeseburgersaurus ! " I stopped backing away and said , " It 's a real dinosaur . " He shrugged and said , " I 've never heard of it . " Alan . This isn 't Free First Thursdays . This is Dino Day , motherfucker . This is the SHOW . Now get your ass to the fucking library and do not come out until you have memorized all seventeen seasons of Dinosaur Train . But somehow I justified staying , just a little longer . We 'd already parked , bought the membership , come inside , been accused of counterfeiting dinosaurs . We should get some fun out of this too , right ? At the very least we should do that dino dig I 'd heard advertised ! Let 's go get dirty , right ? Someone hand my kids a hammer ! SOMEONE LET THEM TOUCH SOMETHING . What the fastidious fuck , Barbara . You breakin my kid 's balls over here ? You breakin my kid 's balls over fossils versus dinos ? Come ' ere . I wanna introduce you to somebody . In the trunk of my car . I should have known , when I looked down and saw a bright pink pacifier , not our brand , bobbing up and down in his mouth as he sucked with vigor and relief . " Hello ! " I yelled , and pulled it out of his mouth . There was only one other family within range , so I tapped the mother ahead of us on the shoulder . She whirled around , her expression one of homicidal annoyance . Obviously . Like all of ours . I held out the binky and said , " I am so sorry . . . I think my son just grabbed this from your daughter and put it in his mouth . " The woman , whose expression had blossomed into the kind of violent disgust you usually only see at Donald Trump rallies , said " No . My children don 't use . . . those . " Her husband turned around , eyebrows raised , and she filled him in . " No , " he said , as if it was the first time , " my children don 't use . . . those . " " Well , my children use em ! " I laughed , leaning in conspiratorially . " The little one loves them so much that he steals them from strangers at the museum and puts them in his mouth ! " Mitsy had already turned away from me . I can only assume that my gauche visage and the unruly countenances of my heathen litter of savages made her feel icky . Rip did not even crack a smile . He said , his voice low and serious , his head so stiffly vertical that I couldn 't even find shelter in an empathetic head tilt : " that is awful . " " What ? " I felt sure I 'd misheard him . Or maybe when I said , " my children use pacifiers and sometimes steal them from others , " he 'd heard , " My children don 't use car seats or vaccines . " Oh , I don 't know . It 's not my job to decide what it says . Side note : Okay . . . that was savant - like . He 's been waking up at 4 : 15 am , like clockwork , for almost 2 weeks now . He isn 't fussing , whining , or moaning in the way adults do when their alarms go off and they 're half - snoring , half - crying to the heavens , " sweet Lord , sweet chubby Baby Jesus , please no , just please let me sleep . " He isn 't trying to bridge the gap to 1 or , if there is a merciful God in heaven , 2 or 3 more sleep cycles . He 's up . He 's giggling . He jumps on Chicken 's bed , giggles and squeals of pure delight bubbling out from around his binky , as frothy and bottomless as if he were faking a seizure on a prison bus with Harrison Ford . I wait until Chicken starts moaning the aforementioned " sweet Lord , sweet chubby Baby Jesus " moans , and then I go in to get Buster . 1 . I 've been up for four hours . 2 . I 'm four coffees deep . 3 . I 'm googling , " 8 am fettuccine alfredo delivery Seattle . " 1 . Buster has fallen asleep in the car . How convenient . I would wake him up out of spite , but I want him to sleep so I can eat a loaf of bread standing up in the kitchen , with only the crackle of the crust and the wet smacking of my jaws to disturb the silence . 3 . I 've accepted that I will spend the rest of the day not doing the things I need to do , and then hating myself for not getting anything done . By the time it 's actually lunch time , I 've been awake for 8 hours . Three things have happened : When B isn 't pulling kryptonite on me , I feel like Superman , so used to handling my shit and everyone else 's that I take it for granted , and then put on my glasses and say , " who , me ? Shucks , I 'm just a regular person , like all y ' all . " I feel like all of my friends are this person , too - miraculously capable , but undercover about it . Right now I feel like Superman the day he woke up and was like , " I 'm faster than a locomotive ! " And his toddler was like , " not today , motherfucker . " And Superman got flattened by that locomotive . And his toddler was like , " check the score board , Kal - El . " At least , as a parent of almost four years , I am able to recognize that this sleepless kryptonite is miserable but temporary . It will not be like this forever . It will not be like this forever . It will not be like this forever . I haven 't been writing because usually what I do is : 5 . I write a blog post about it . It takes a couple of hours , and then I read it aloud , and then I spend another half an hour or so making sure it 's pretty much what I want , and then I publish it . It 's a blog . Part of the beauty of it is that it doesn 't have to be polished . 4 . I think , " I haven 't blogged in awhile . But I can 't think of anything to write about . Maybe I 'm a fraud . Maybe I 'm a hack . Maybe I 'm weak - willed and phoney . Holden Caulfield would hate my guts . Is there a blog post in this ? No . Nobody cares what Holden Caulfield would think of you . Ya big phoney . " Tired is kryptonite . Your sharp vision is blurry . Your kindness grows thorns because it takes so much less work to be prickly . The things that you can normally do are beyond you . People turn to you for help and you have to say , " I can 't . I 'm weak right now . I 'm hurting . I can barely keep my head above water for long enough to steal a breath before I go under again , where it 's muffled and dim . " The reason we 're normally capable isn 't because we 're gods . We 've simply chosen a life that gives us a drag suit and ankle weights , every day , forever . I always tell new moms that babies don 't get easier but parents get harder . We 're operational athletes , so accustomed to the hurdles and exertion and actual physical pain of parenting that it feels strange to go to the grocery store without at least one baby in your cart or on your chest . You check your handbag . I feel like something 's missing . I 'm too light . We find ways to make it work , to be the person we need to be for our families , for our colleagues , for our friends and parents . The first thing to go is patience for your spouse . I say hi , and Ryan 's like , " what is that supposed to mean ? " And I 'm like , " what are you hiding ? " And he 's like , " why don 't you trust me ? " And I 'm like , " I can 't talk about this right now . " And he 's like , " fine . " # soulmates Then you stop listening to your children . Chicken asked me if cars could fly and I said , " sure , baby , " and he got so excited that I tuned back into the conversation and said , " wait , what did you just ask me ? " And he asked me again , with eyes shining so bright they could blind commuters at the right angle , and I said , " oh . No . Nope . No way . Sorry , baby . I . . . misunderstood the question . But , uh . . . airplanes are kind of like flying cars . They have wheels . . . and stuff . " Then the house work goes to the dogs . Actually , I wish to the dogs . My floor would be way cleaner if I had a pack of dogs hanging out . I could put one on the counter . And one in the bathtub . If I smeared my whole house with BBQ sauce my shit would be dinner party - ready . Then , someday , the baby starts to sleep later . Maybe one morning it 's 5 am . Maybe , oh ecstasy , it 's 5 : 30 . You reach out to a friend with a new baby and ask if she needs dinner tonight . You 're making ziti and it 's really no trouble to double the recipe . Not today , it 's not . I 'm not there yet - Buster is still the locomotive dragging our powerless lives through the mud . But it will not be like this forever . It will not be like this forever . It will not be like this forever . OH ! Real quick before I go , I wanted to share this parenthetically related piece of inspiration for anyone who is being pressed flat by the exponential gravitational pull of kryptonite today . A coda , if you will . I 'm going to assume that by " just for everything , " he meant , " I see how hard your job is , and how long your hours are , and how you put your heart into giving our family more than just what it needs to survive . I see how you take a deep breath and say , ' okay ! ' when I ask if we can go to the Children 's Museum today . I know you don 't feel like it . I know you do things that you don 't want to do , all day long , every day . I know that everything - EVERYTHING - is more work than it should be . I know you don 't pick your head up to think about how many steps go into a simple operation like " bath " or " getting from the car to the front door of the school , " because if you picked your head up and thought about all those steps you wouldn 't be able to do anything at all but surrender . Thank you , for somehow doing everything . I love you . I 'm not going to murder anyone when I get older . " Thanks . Because what I really needed in my life was more fucking spatter . No , really . I needed some more food , liquid food , dropped on the floor to produce a spatter , because if there 's anything worse than murdering your family , it 's having the CSI guys be , like , bored by your crime scene . This salsa spatter . . . it 's gonna stump em . At least until the lab gets those results back . And then McMurtry will be like , " I told you it was salsa , Rick - o . Someone probably put one of those to - go containers in the butter compartment in the door and it fell out . Right before the murdering started , " and then Pantalonsky will be like , " Freddy , nobody is dumb enough to put salsa in the butter compartment . That shit will fall out for sure . Seriously , nobody would do that . " And then McMurtry will put on his sunglasses and say , " Nobody alive , that 's for sure . " I think it says a lot about your strength of character when you get dressed on a day that your kid is sick and you know for a fact that you will only be breathing air that smells like your own sloughed - off skin cells and viral plague for the next 24 hours . Did you put on pants with a button ? Honey ! Good for you ! You got on the board ! Did you put on a black or otherwise dark - colored shirt ? You must like it dirty . And I mean dirty . Because by the end of the day you will know exactly where , on your body , your sick baby wiped his oozing face . And it will be EVERYWHERE . It will look like you were molested by a battalion of horny slugs . Or pelted with tiny snowballs made of Vaseline . But that 's how you like it , right ? Chicken took a book from one of his classmates today - one that has a real clock face with a silly squiggly mouth , two wide oval eyes , and hands you can spin around . Honestly , it 's a pretty sick book . It 's a page - turner . It 's the toddler 's Da Vinci Code . The other kid - we 'll call him Edward - had been deeply invested in pushing the spinning hands round and round , when Chicken pulled the slick hardback from his lap . Edward grabbed it back . Chicken pulled harder . Edward pulled harder , too . Then Edward bit Chicken on the chest . Chicken picked his head up and began to sob again , the rhythmic heaves that sound like they 're being summoned from the earth 's cracked core , no - fucking - around crying , the way adults cry alone in the car , parked at the back of the Safeway parking lot , at night , listening to Adele , eating a baguette . The way I wish I could cry anymore . Chicken leaned into my arms and the teacher handed me his heaving body . Sure , I was a little mad , madder when I got home and actually saw the wound . I say wound , because that shit is a WOUND . You can see the little crevice of each tooth , the way Edward 's top teeth and bottom teeth pinched a narrow band of Chicken 's pink chest together until it raised and turned white , a little slip of an ivory island jutting out of an angry red river . My feelings about this incident are , shockingly , as nobody could have predicted , in a manner that in no way characterizes literally everything about the way I luxuriate in my own perspective , more complex than that . I know ! You 're super surprised and so excited to read 2 , 000 words on how I feel about biting , and yet how I feel about so much more than biting . I suspect it is not the bruised and punctured skin that hurts so much as the sudden understanding of what a person could do to him . This is Chicken 's first brush with acute , intentional violence . He 's been hit and pushed - it 's not called a jungle gym because it encourages diplomatic conversation - but always in the casual , thoughtless way that children do when they need to get to the monkey bars and there happens to be another warm body in the way . This was different , as intimate as a stabbing , or a kiss . Or , really , both . Until now , he 's lived among other kids the way the Grizzly Man lived among wild bears , with confidence born of innocence , with the naive certainty that we 're all the same . Those bears remind me of security guards at a gated community . They look so lazy , don 't they ? So bored , round , and harmless . In a second , that can change . One step too close and a bear 's mass loses all its cartoonish friendliness ; one nip and you bleed . One wound , and the world you thought was always padded and patiently mediated turns out to be a really fucking scary hurt locker . That shit leaves a scar . Today Chicken learned that a person can draw his blood for a small reason , or no reason . A person can open his body . A person can take from him , his skin , his certainty . I went on a school hike with ten or so other kids in 7th grade . Midway up the mountain , our little band felt bonded , even though some of us were giant - glasses - wearing dorks and some were sleek - ponytailed celebrities . I found myself talking with people whose entire wardrobes I 'd memorized from afar . It was heady and I grinned as we slogged up the trail . Maybe we 'd stay friends ? Even off the mountain ? Some of the boys started teasing another boy about his girlfriend , who had just broken up with him . He laughed - it was all in good fun , and this was a 7th grade relationship , so even if his heart had been broken he would never have admitted it . One of the guys said , " I heard she 's going to homecoming with a freshman . " Everyone said , " oooooooooh , " and laughed , including the boy . I remember seeing his back shake with laughter ; he was right in front of me . Drunk on camaraderie , I raised my voice and chimed in , " I heard she 's going with Josh . " Josh wasn 't just a freshman , but a hot freshman who was seriously probably going to start varsity lacrosse . Everyone laughed even louder . I felt like a lottery winner . The teacher ran back to see what the problem was . I folded my lips together so they wouldn 't shake . Everyone stood silently until the boy 's friend said , " Nah , everything 's ok , we were just joking . " The teacher looked at me and said , reluctantly ( he was so not interested in our drama ) " are you okay ? " I nodded . The group filed back into a single line . I waited till the end , till their voices rumbled and their giggles chirped back toward me . It felt like the safest place to be . It was one of those schizophrenic parenting moments , when you have to choose which screaming parenting voice in your head to listen to , in a split second . Do I talk about gun safety ? Do I accept that violent play is as natural and indeed important for toddlers as sexual curiosity or an obsession with fire trucks ? Do I say that guns aren 't for playing with even though we all know that my hair dryer isn 't really a gun and he will probably just go find something else gun - shaped to pretend to kill people with ? It felt like the beginning of grief . It felt like time to pack up the cotton - stuffed " Pat the Bunny " books . It felt anachronistic to ask Chicken to use his long fingers to pat the bunny , to use the lips that said , " bang , bang , " to kiss the palm - sized rabbit on a ribbon good - night . " It 's a big decision to make , there are so many parenting philosophies out there , you know ? But to me , it just boils down to a single question : whether or not you believe that children are innocent and sweet when left to their own devices . I do not believe that . " It was an odd " single question " to boil down to , in my mind . I don 't think that any deep relationship can be boiled down to any single question , but if I had to streamline my parenting philosophy so it could fit on a scrap of paper to slip into a fortune cookie , it wouldn 't be , " I do not believe children are innocent and sweet when left to their own devices . " ( in bed ) ( haha ) After I suppressed my knee - jerk reaction to tear this statement apart , I settled in to give it good thorough consideration and found that I actually agree , a little bit . I don 't think children are sweet when left to their own devices , at least not all the time . But I think the parts of them that aren 't sweet are the same parts that are innocent . It 's the child 's inexperience with the humiliation that leads him to say , out loud , " why is that fat guy in a wheelchair ? " It is the child 's precious ignorance of human rage that allows him to overturn a plate of homemade baked ziti , and then look you in the eye and say , " you clean it up . Now . " It is the child 's unmalicious irritation at having his book stolen that bares his teeth . When I have the chance to watch my child be sweet , there is a part of me that sings and a part that folds my lips together so they won 't shake . If he 's learned to be sweet , he 's lost something pure . If he 's learned to be kind , it cost him . Chicken and Buster are watching a movie in my bed while I finish this blog post . I had no idea how I was going to end it . Then Chicken rolled over , snuggled into his brother 's side , and began to sing : Let 's be real . Nobody is going to see Bad Moms for the edge - of - your - seat plot twists . But consider yourselves warned : Here be spoilers . . . .
|
Upon moving back to Britain for several years , having previously worked and studied in some of the world 's most exotic locations , I have certainly been guilty of grumpily overlooking the breath - taking beauty that can be found right here in the UK . I am sure I 'm not the only one to dream of the exotic beaches of the Caribbean , the mountainous Rainforests of Peru or the beautiful volcanic expanses of Iceland and wish that I could be anywhere other than dreary old Britain . With its rain , lack of volcanoes and tropical lifestyles it can often feel like a bit of a bore . In June 2016 I signed up to take an ecology course in and around Cwm Idwal , a mountainous region in the North of Snowdonia . I had some reservations about going , partly because it was so close to the leaving date for my research in Madagascar , and partly because I was convinced that it would be pouring with rain the whole time . What if I missed the two weeks of sun that makes up the entirety of English summer ? I would be devastated . Our first stop was Cwm Idwal itself , the hanging valley where Llyn Idwal can be found pooled in its centre . This particular day was intermittently torrential , the last hacking cough and sneeze from the clouds that would be wiped away by the next day . We trod through the valley , learning about its geological history and marvelling at the quartz that strikes its grooves into bare rock . Despite wading through the rain , breathing in more water than air , I couldn 't help enjoying myself . The place is phenomenal . It 's strong and massive without being domineering , the grassy patches run up the sides of mountains making way for thin waterfalls . Scrambling along rocky river banks , my soggy sandwiches long - forgotten , I discovered worlds which could 've been the setting of ancient Welsh folklore . Surrounded in mist , the river hurried along and I slid around the rocks , trying to imagine what this place would have looked like millions of years ago . In the Ordovician period ( 485 - 443 million years ago ) the region of Cwm Idwal was covered in a shallow ocean . Sedimentary rock formed through layers of compression on the ocean bed , along with igneous rock formed from the larva of volcanoes . Tectonic plate movement eventually caused these layers to fold together and rise up forming the Idwal Syncline . Glaciation during the ice age eroded and shaped the land to the landscape that can be seen today . We sampled plenty of freshwater sites around Cwm Idwal , searching for invertebrates as indicators of the water quality in relation to its surroundings . I spent a lot of time in outrageously long wellies . Rivers and lakes are teaming with life far beyond just fish and ducks . Take a closer look next time you find yourself at a water body , really look , and you 'll see hundreds of tiny invertebrates whizzing around the water , skating over the surface or rummaging through the beds . These tiny organisms are vital indicators for pollution levels and are irreplaceable food sources for many other amphibians , fish and wildlife . The tracks and paths are well - maintained and clear , though it is easy to wander off them and explore a little more . If you want to take things further , there are plenty of opportunities for rock climbing . Plenty of the climbs are easy but there are certainly more difficult ones to be found . So if you are a climber , Cwm Idwal is definitely somewhere you will want to check out in the North of Wales . From the stunning natural landforms of Cwm Idwal to something completely different : The man - made lakes and hills of the deceptively named Parys Mountain . When I heard we would be hiking around Parys Mountain ( in my head , Paris Mountain ) surveying lakes in the boiling sun , I had beautiful visions of Mount Snowdon Mark 2 . I expected a suave , mountainous area covered in flowers and all the natural beauty that Wales had to offer . This was not the case . Parys Mountain is an abandoned copper mine . It 's not a mountain , it 's a pit . But a gorgeous one at least , located in north east Anglesey . You can imagine my surprise when we pulled up to completely flat land , and had it announced that this was Parys Mountain . Despite my disappointment I was quickly enthralled by this Mars - like dusty red area , full of warning signs and holes in the land just begging to be explored . Parys Mountain The history of Parys Mountain makes it particularly special . The mine dates back to thousands of years ago during the Bronze Age , where the mining of the copper ore first began . This was discovered when mining resumed here in the 18th century , and it was quickly realised that they were following in the footsteps of others . Various castoffs of the mining process still remain in Parys mountain , polluting the water causing various surreal colouration 's of reservoirs . Once again , we were surveying invertebrates to determine the impact of these different contaminations on local wildlife . Not much other wildlife survives here due to the high levels of pollution and soil contamination . Reservoirs at Parys Mountain I didn 't realise this at the time , but there are actually some sections of the mine you are allowed to enter with the correct guidance and equipment . For more information and to arrange a tour , contact the Parys Underground Group . Definitely my plan for next time ! Of course our trip would never be complete without an arduous climb up Mount Snowdon . Dogs and children bounded ahead of us as we struggled our way up an increasingly cold mountainside . I developed a fear of heights four to five years ago after falling off a cliff in Australia , and had only recently recovered in part due to working at a theatre with a very , very high Upper Circle level . I was concerned that I would panic the whole way up the mountain , but I think that when you are somewhere inspiring , things like fears begin to matter less and ebb away . I walked close to the edge to challenge myself not to feel scared , and by the time I got to the top of the mountain I was happily dangling my feet over the edge , thrilled that Wales had thrown my fear of heights out of my brain and off the mountaintop . I got the most pleasant feeling being up high and seeing birds flying lower than me . I spend so much time feeling jealous of birds , that it feels pretty good to be higher up than them for once . I was looking forward to getting the old train back down the mountain , but when I got to the top we discovered that the train is about four times more expensive to get back down than it is to go up . Presumably this is to take advantage of exhausted climbers . I wasn 't exhausted I just really like trains , and was pretty sad to have to use my boring feet again . If you want to get the train I 'd strongly recommend getting the train up and walking back down , you 'll be able to enjoy the scenery just as much . After leaving Wales I swore I would be back , and soon . I 'd spent a large portion of my trip imagining how I would go about moving to Wales ( as I do with everywhere I go ) , and what kind of house I would live in ( A teeny cottage in a valley by a tree , FYI ) . I felt I 'd connected more with the nature on my ( almost ) home - turf , and couldn 't wait to get back home and start exploring my beautiful forests and hills again . Despite our luck with fairly consistent hot and clear weather , it can change in a matter of minutes . Bring waterproofs , sunscreen and plenty of layers . Make sure that you visit the towns and villages nearby as they themselves provide a quirky insight into how life has flourished in the beautiful North . Go places and do things you 'd normally shy away from , there are plenty of incredible places to go and things to see , all you need is time . Continue Reading Matsedroy camp was a kind of paradise . It felt too nice to be existing in such an extraordinarily beautiful place . The sky was always bright blue and the sun was always hot . The openness of Matsedroy camp compared to the shaded Mariarano base camp meant that the heat was always on you . I loved that , and I quickly developed the tan to prove it . ( Or was it just a constant layer of dirt ? Both . ) My first week at Matsedroy was quite busy with plenty of school students , research assistants and dissertation students about the place . I spent a lot more of the first week hunched in the common area working on my dissertation than I did conducting botany plots . One of the highlights was being able to supervise some of the school students collecting data for their projects while out in the forest . Towards the end of the second week everyone left base camp except for a handful of us . It was a brilliant contrast to the crazy , ever - busy noisiness that I had become accustomed to in the last three weeks . It was so peaceful and so pleasant , often the Malagasy scientists would play guitar and sing together outside . It was beautiful and contributed to the ethereal , dusty beauty of the place . I began to forget about the world outside , and conversations frequently occurred over whether we could just live here permanently . The peace was quickly shattered by an onslaught of school groups arriving at camp . They always turned up shattered , dusty , and completely fearful of their surroundings . They often couldn 't comprehend having to wash their own clothes by hand , or having to shower with water from a lake . They asked for advice on how to deal with the dusty earth which got everywhere ; in your shoes , tent and lungs . They panicked over small scratches and the fact that scorpions could be found on camp . Some groups recovered quickly and enjoyed the new experience , others simply pined for home and expressed regret for coming here in the first place . Those tended to be the kids that didn 't have to fund - raise . It reminded me of going on a school trip to Iceland with a private school that I had attended when I was a teenager . I could not for the life of me figure out why they all wanted to stay bundled up on the bus , complaining of the cold and the wet and refusing to get out and see the incredible gorges and waterfalls . WHY would you go to a place literally called the ' land of ice ' if you can 't stand the cold and wet ( although I was told it had something to do with a hope of meeting ' hot Icelandic boys ' , that didn 't work out ) . I didn 't understand why they had come at all if they just wanted to talk over the guide who told amazing stories of ancient history and folklore , and complain bitterly about every journey and every destination . They could 've just rented a coach and parked it at school and sat in it whining and bitching with each other for 10 days and had exactly the same experience . I don 't know if you can tell , but I did not like school . Having complained about the stroppy school groups , there were thankfully far more excited and engaged students to be found . On one particular night me and Ali went out frog hunting with a group of students who were so enthusiastic . They were fascinated by the toe - biters and the possibility of crocodiles being nearby . Though their initial response upon seeing a tenrec was mostly along the lines of ' oh it 's just a hedgehog ' , after a brief explanation they soon realised how lucky they were to come across it . I began to lead forest plots with the school groups . These went a lot better than my first attempt , and I enjoyed them enormously . Forest plots are straight forward ; a 20m by 20m plot is laid out , tree circumference and height is measured , saplings are counted within a 2m by 2m plot within the main plot , and canopy cover is calculated . To my surprise I quickly discovered that forest plots were not the favourite of most students . Indeed , they somehow found searching for lemurs and reptiles along transects and catching bugs and frogs around lakes more exciting . Who knew ? I worked out that the best way to help them enjoy the process was to make it all into a game . They got points for vocalising their intense enthusiasm and passion about trees , for singing songs , and for finding cool stuff in the forest . It was actually a heap of fun , a highlight was when one group sang ' The Desolation of Smaug ' in the middle of the forest plot . They won the game . While at Matsedroy I often made plans with friends to meet them at 5am while it was still dark , hike up the hill and watch the sun rise . I would subsequently abandon these plans as soon as my alarm went off , and often missed the departing groups of sunrise enthusiasts . The one time I made it I 'd gone to bed a little drunk at about 1am , woke up at 5am without realising I was still drunk , and subsequently hiked up the wrong mountain in the dark . I realised I was missing the sunrise , just about managed to snap a distant picture , then got lost on my way back down . I arrived back on camp just as light was creeping in covered in cuts and scratches where I 'd lost the path and just bombed it through thorns to the bottom of the hill instead . Luckily the majority of our luggage was taken by zebu cart to camp , as our walk involved some very deep rivers . At one point I was wading up to my thighs along a murky brown river , reminiscent of the ones I deliberately avoided when living in Australia due to the probable presence of crocodiles . I managed to get across by enjoying the beauty of the overhanging plants and trees , looking out for lemurs and constantly reminding myself that it was dry season and no crocodiles were currently stalking me . ( And even if they were , there were definitely shorter people than me for a crocodile to go for . ) Frankly , Mariarano had begun to feel like home . Madagascar had begun to feel like home . The people I met in Madagascar were warm and welcoming , easy to befriend and so easy to talk to and learn from . It didn 't take long before I settled into Matsedroy and began to see the benefits of its more isolated location . The plus points were numerous . The tents were separated from the common areas and instead arranged within the forest , allowing for a quieter night 's sleep and greater privacy . There was an area to have a bonfire outside , and the view from the camp over the lake was stunning , particularly at sunset . There were usually fewer people around so it was generally less noisy . The best bit about Matsedroy in my opinion was the lakes . As well as the one in front of camp , where our shower water came from and our drinking water was filtered from , there were more lakes further along the track . My favourite was lake 2 , where my friends and I could happily strip off and enjoy one of white people 's favourite past times ; sunbathing . As the days progressed I settled in more and began to enjoy the new surroundings and locations for forest plots . The paths were more challenging and winding , making it all the more fun . As I was tying tags onto trees and learning the Malagasy names for each species , I had a sudden beautiful thought ; 8 year old Steph would be so happy with 24 year old Steph . I am outdoors , trekking around and exploring new places as much as I physically can . This is exactly what tiny Steph wanted . Adventuring around forests , learning about them , trying to protect them and writing about it all . I will keep this brief because it still hurts , but I have to admit that I am one of the thousands of people who did not vote in the referendum . NOT , I might add , because I assumed we would stay , or because I couldn 't be bothered or am not politically engaged . Getting everything organised for my Madagascar expedition was so hectic and rushed that I forgot to send in one of the postal vote forms and therefore forfeited my vote , as it occurred whilst I was away . I was pretty shocked , we all were . Nearly everyone had been hoping to remain , and many of the scientists I was working with had projects at least in part funded by grants that they were only able to get through the EU . There were a couple of people who were pleased with the result , and subsequently very unhappy at the intensely angry and upset atmosphere on camp . So that was frustrating . What was equally annoying was not being able to take part in the inevitable internet outrage , something that I am a huge fan of . The country had been thrown into disarray we heard , Labour was falling apart , David Cameron was resigning , no one knew who was going to be Prime Minister or what was going to happen . The trouble was we got all this news in dribs and drabs , often weeks apart . Either in a brief email over a satellite phone from a friend of family member , or from sixth form students and teachers passing through . It was immensely frustrating to be so far away from home when something so important was happening . Like the time I was in Australia during the 2012 Olympics , maybe not quite as important though … So I felt quite down on the 24th of June . However , this was also the day that I discovered Dhazma vanilla rum , the tastiest rum in all the universe . You can only buy it in Madagascar ( I 've checked ) and it is sooo tasty . It reminds me of that short spell where Coca Cola brought out Vanilla coke , except without the weird aftertaste . So there was still a pretty big positive to my day . The following evening we all had a party . It was the night before the Malagasy Independence day and we dressed up in lamba 's and did the conga through the camp . We danced around to Malagasy music before moving the party to Mariarano village . It was a great night , I got a little tipsy off the rum and spent the evening dancing around with friends , insisted to Harison the botanist that he was now my best friend , and tried to convince every staff member to hire me . I was one of the positive stories from that night , some people were a glorious shit show that only the British can bring to foreign countries . Still , nothing bad happened ; a couple of people had to be carried home along the dusty path between the village and our camp , my friend lost her flip flop , someone threw up in their tent , that kind of thing . As a result of yesterdays drinking everyone felt too rough to go out to Mariarano village the following night , on actual independence day . Despite being cursed with disproportionately awful hangovers , I managed to drag myself to the village in the morning to watch the Independence day celebrations . There were school kids and women 's groups singing and dancing , and there seemed to be some very important people around . A few of the Malagasy OpWall staff invited us students to join them in performing a dance . A few of us agreed despite my fear that I would throw up or pass out or both . We performed the only Malagasy dance we semi - knew ; the conga . We danced - badly - in front of the entire village and dignitaries . Even from the photos you can tell we were out of time . Then we stood in a circle and one by one went into the middle and did a little solo dance . Lara started us off , and as she can actually dance she was setting an unrealistic precedence for what to expect from the rest of the Westerners . I finished up with a little shuffle and swinging my arms around , just to really drive it home that honestly , we have no rhythm . As my Scottish friend Jen said afterwards , ' I think you did a good job of introducing them to our native culture . " Sadly I have no video footage of this finale , but here is Lewis and Jeneen giving it their all . There was a boxing match later on in the day . A bunch of us decided to go , so we wandered down to where we had danced earlier on to find a length of tarpaulin around the perimeter . Getting into the arena itself was the most intense part of the day . Apparently there was a side way in that a lot of people managed to get into , I was not one of these people , and found myself in a scrum for the entrance with the locals all smiling , shouting , screaming and treading on each other . I got elbowed in the face accidentally a few times . I think everyone did . The scariest bit was the tiny children trying to sneak in , I had no control whatsoever over which way I was pushed and crushed and was so concerned that these children would be squished . I was dragged to the front by the guy collecting tickets eventually , having been pushed back a thousand times . Why does nowhere except Britain enjoy queuing ? I love a good queue . Two people would start fighting while everyone else carried on circling . A referee would watch over the fight with some dried palm leaves to aid him in breaking up the pair . It was bare - knuckle boxing , and by the second match someone had already been knocked out and had to be dragged off . I was concerned this was setting the precedent for the rest of the evening , but luckily that was the only knock out , and we are pretty sure we saw him walking around again later . The winner of each match would be lifted up by the referee , and if it was a draw the two fighters took turns lifting each other up . There were often multiple matches occurring at the same time , it was brilliantly chaotic . Sometimes really young kids would fight , some of them looked about 8 years old . Those fights were incredibly brief and would always be declared a draw . In fact all of the fights only lasted for seconds . No women or girls ever took part in the fights . After a much needed 10 hours sleep , I awoke to the sounds of the ever - loud and excited base camp . I decided to spend the morning out in the forest doing a forest survey . What surprised me the most about the forest was that it didn 't feel totally different to other forests I 've been to around Europe . Sure it was hot and dry which obviously marred my ability to make any comparison between this forest and the UK , but the trees of dry , deciduous forests have to be experts at retaining water and are therefore limited in the size that they can grow . This resulted in the trees being relatively short and quite thin . It was a shame that very few of the plants were in flower at this time of year , making the majority - endemic tree species even harder to identify . I love forest surveys because they give you the opportunity to get to know a forest more intimately than other surveys allow . You go off - trail into the forest , stomping around in the undergrowth and tripping over logs just as you should be . Also , trees don 't run away from you and hide . They just sit there waiting to greet you . You can study them as closely as you want and , as I said before , I enjoy the natural obstacle course that it takes to get to them . A forest plot in this instance consisted of going to a predetermined site and marking out a 20mX20m transect . Every tree within that transect would then have their circumference measured at breast height and their height estimated . The canopy cover would also be recorded and a separate 2mX2m transect would be laid out in order to take a sapling count . Back at base camp I had my very first jungle shower ; a bucket and cup in a sectioned off area of camp . It was awesome actually . When you get back from a survey all dusty and sweaty with the contents of the entire forest in your hair , as I often did , it was so refreshing to pour a bucket of water over yourself . On my way back to the tent I had my first encounter with lemurs . There is a colony of Coquerel 's Sifaka 's that passed over camp almost every day . Their main aim seemed to be to steal bait from the lemur researchers but they seemed almost as interested in us as we were in them . One of my friends had a dream that the lemurs were conducting a human behaviour survey on us from the trees . Sounded about right . It was brilliant to watch the way they moved , jumping between the trees like a gang of extremely agile babies . I also had a stab at doing my laundry , this too was a bucket based system ( one which umpteen visiting sixth former 's would complain about ) . The Malagasy staff had it on point , the western staff did not . I just chucked everything in a bucket with some soap and swooshed it around a bit until it didn 't smell quite so bad anymore . I later found out from my friend Rindra ( spelt Reindra throughout my journal , thank goodness for facebook ) , a botanist from the capital city Antananarivo in Madagascar , that it was normal for the vast majority of people all over Madagascar to hand wash clothes . She found it strange that most people , even the poorer people in England , have washing machines . She 'd also never heard of a dishwasher before which was fun to explain . ( You put all your dirty dishes in a machine , close the door , press start and go shopping . When you get back , it 's done ) . She thought that English people must be very lazy , and I couldn 't really argue with that . I also took time out of my busy first day to take part in one of the most important activities in Madagascar ; lying in a hammock . Hammocks are man 's gift to the world and I would like to thank Dr . Hammock for bringing such a glorious invention into being . I napped in hammocks , I chatted to friends in hammocks , I read in hammocks , I stared at the lemurs passing overhead from hammocks and I recovered from hangovers and stomach bugs in hammocks . Since returning to England , I am now the proud owner of a hammock . But it 's basically winter now so will have to wait another year for that one week of summer . Fun game - how many people can you fit in a hammock without it falling down ? Answer : not four . L - R Georgie , Emily , Jen and me , all dissertation students . Lunch was rice and beans . I don 't just mean on this day , I mean every day . There were small beans , big beans , medium beans , large beans … Everyone had a favourite bean . What started out as ' hmm , this is actually quite nice , healthy too , maybe I should make this sort of thing for lunch back in England ' quickly became ' If anyone so much as shows me another bowl of rice and beans I will drown their face in it ' . Our saviour came in the form of Grazella who was at base camp making and selling the most delicious samosas I have ever put in my face . They were often my substitute for lunch , and when she started selling bread it was samosa sandwiches all round . Grazella was making and selling samosas to save money for a master 's in agriculture , so I thought the right thing to do was to buy as many as humanly possible , for Grazella of course . The sacrifices I make for my friends . Late in the afternoon it was finally time to meet with my supervisors to discuss my dissertation . I was pretty confident that I had a well thought through and feasible proposal which just needed a tweak here and a smoothing out there . One of the supervisors emphatically disagreed and it was back to the drawing board for me . That was a bit of a downer , I have an enormous fear of being found out as a fraud , of people going ' hang on , she 's actually really stupid and crap at science ' . I know I 'm not alone in this , and I 'm not just talking about science . It was a bit of a setback and I spent the rest of the day ( and night ) in my tent fretting about what to do , reading over the limited number of papers I 'd been able to download before arriving on camp where there was no internet . I 'm a classic case in that I constantly have to battle through the feeling of ' I am finding this task difficult , therefore if I don 't try at all then I can still convince myself that I am good at this thing ' . I think writers especially are notoriously bad for this . I can 't even count the number of times I 've given up on a story or novel because I found the first draft too difficult to get through , it 's taken me years to get past that . At the end of the day , failure is good . If you don 't try hard at something you are allowing your fear of failure to outweigh your determination for success . It 's best to just view your failures as the foundations on which to build your successes . In the evening I went out on my first invertebrate night survey . I 'm not a night time person and all of my research was conducted during the day so I often spent the evenings working on my project or fannying around with other staff and students . ( Sidenote : I 'm also not a morning person . I 'm really more of a 10am - 3pm kind of person . Modern life is a struggle for me . ) This survey was easily my favourite night survey that I did whilst in Madagascar due to the amount that I saw , and the excitement I felt with it being my first time out at night . There is something magic about the forest at night time ( unless you 're somewhere like Luton of course , then it 's just scary and you should leave ) . The moonlight hits the leaves and branches of trees overhead creating ethereal shadows as you stumble through , trying to make out the outlines of any creatures around . What I 'm trying to say is , my headtorch didn 't work very well and I fell over a lot . I saw oustalets and Angels chameleon 's as well as mouse lemurs , spiders and a praying mantis . We were actually collecting moths which I was pretty terrible at , but the place was just teaming with wildlife . I 'm pretty bad at keeping my camera on me for these kinds of things . I do love photography but I sometimes find if I carry my camera around I have this niggling feeling in my chest that I need to be documenting everything , and honestly I 'd rather just enjoy the moment and write thousands of words about it later . So instead , here are a load of photos that I 've stolen from my friends : The next morning saw me go on the first of many hundreds of botany plots . This was where the bulk of my data was coming from , and also where I first properly met my friends Rindra , Liantsoa ( whose name I have spelt as ' Leanne - Sue ' throughout my journal ) , and Harison ( I managed to get his name right , give or take an ' r ' here or an 's ' there ) . They were the funniest group of people ever to work with . They are all Malagasy botanists and knew a lot more than I did about literally everything . It was an honour to work with them , not to mention an enormous amount of fun . We definitely didn 't always understand each other , it is a pity but I can currently only declare myself fluent in English ( though I 'm coming for you , Spanish ! ) , so I 'm not much use when it comes to communicating in a foreign language , other than cracking out the occasional ' Ou est la bibliotheque ? ' or ' Je suis on sort au cinema ' . The Malagasy staff however nearly always had at least three languages on the go ; Malagasy , French and English , as well as some knowledge of other Malagasy dialects . Wow . They would apologize to me for not getting a word exactly right in English or not understanding the fast - talking nonsense that comes out of my mouth . I 'd say you definitely can 't apologise to me when my Malagasy is non - existent , and unless you want to listen to me talk about my cat for five minutes my French isn 't much more use . Only picture on my computer right now with all three of us … I 'll explain later . L - R Liantsoa , me and Rindra . Above is Laurence , another staff member and amazing singer ! I did eventually pluck up the courage to learn a little bit of Malagasy from them , but I certainly did not do as much as I should have . It is a privilege to be able to communicate with people all over the world in all kinds of different cultures , and it 's sad that it is not inherent in us , mostly English - speaking people , to make the effort to learn other languages . For instance , we had an amazing guide from the local village called Theo who did nearly all of the plant identification for us . As there are so many different ecosystems in Madagascar containing so many different kinds of trees , not to mention that none of them were flowering , they were incredibly difficult to identify and tell apart . If we had had to go around with books there is simply no way I or anyone else would 've been able to do their botany research , but because we had Theo it was possible . But I couldn 't communicate with Theo . Here was this awesome person with a mind full of ethnobotany and I couldn 't discuss anything with him . There was some translation through the others of English to Malagasy to a different dialect and back again , but it was difficult .
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.