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Each morning I wake to find a bunch of questions posted on " Cruisers and Sailing Forums " . I love taking the time to read and respond where I can . A common question is what to " get rid of " before moving aboard . We 're all for minimization , a pair of socks comes on , a pair goes off . That being said when closing up a household we did not consider that we may one day move back , which we did . This little post is in respect to this topic : - ) _____ Most of the posts that I have seen here on CF since I 've joined last year all talk about moving aboard ( myself included ) . But what happens if you have to , want to , return to a land - based lifestyle ? I only remember seeing one recent post concerning life after cruising ( but I am sure there are more in older posts ) . _____ I like this perspective on considering this very question . We did move aboard and sailed / lived for a decade overseas . We sold the house and all the furniture in it along with most of my larger power tools ( that was a minor mistake ) . We did keep our real estate holdings and in one of the buildings I carved out a storage area for our more treasured belongings . We had traveled a lot before the " big trip " and had lots of little reminders with special meanings , lots of books ( classics and rare ) and lots of artwork etc . After 3 years we ended up in New Zealand where we obtained residency and put our girls in school . On a business trip back to Alaska I arranged to have all that " stuff " sent down . It was like Christmas opening up those boxes and although a bit on the expensive side , putting those items in our new home in NZ made it really feel like home . 7 years later we moved back to the States for a number of reasons which we do not regret at all . This time we hired a 20 ' container and sent what had been accumulated in NZ back after a BIG GARAGE SALE . Now our Alaskan home has a twenty years worth of history and it 's nice to look back over all those memories and tell stories through all those small little items . REGRET ? I should have stored all the big stuff we gave away . Tools first - table saw ( 2000 sold for probably 500 ) and lots of stuff like that . All the sports gear , bikes , kayaks , skis , winter wear , Jeep , etc . Perhaps even some of the furniture . The truth is most all new live aboard cruisers return to land at some point . That would be an interesting survey . The math is pretty straight forward , value of replacing items with storage costs for a given period of time . The sentimental value something different . Found this while muddling through an old laptop . Just a few weeks ago we were back at Rudder Cay . Madison is now 18 and we are short one hull ( Catamaran Pun , please forgive ) . The rhythm felt the same , right down to the dinner : - ) The pic above is from that night fourteen years ago and of the " plastic chairs " we found on the beach . Enjoy ! 5 : 30 Awake , check position and remember to turn off anchor light . Indicator light burned out so placed post - it with big A on it to remind me . Read " Prey " until … 6 : 10 Kelsey cries , wet diaper . Changed and made a break for my book . Had large glass of water , neglected to put coffee on . 6 : 20 Kelsey up , book over . Asking for mama but wants me . Played on settee and brought her down to help wake mama up . 6 : 30 Madison awake , wet her bed which I discovered earlier . She informs me of the same and apologizes . Hard to get mad at her . Making plan to clean sheets using washing contraption . 7 : 00 Clifford , big red dog playing since 6 : 35 while I tried to sneak in a little more book before Becky awoke . She 's up now and wondering where coffee is and why the dishes are not done . Put coffee on , should boil over within 5 minutes . 7 : 05 Boiled over . 7 : 06 to 8 : 00 Made breakfast for self and did dishes . Cleared deck from previous day and made dinghy ready to be lifted . While lifting took the time to spray out the sand . Checked both bilges and pumped port . 8 : 00 to 9 : 00 Talked about future plans and summer housing . Also plans for the day and where we would like to go . Declined offer to go spear fishing , anxious to get moving north . Decided to sail inside of islands , read up on route and made ready . Started engines to make hot water for Becky 's shower and charge batteries . Also turned on watermaker and checked its output . Had Beck bring up the anchor as a drill . She also took the time to raise the main but I finished the heavy lifting . 9 : 00 - 10 : 00 Beautiful sail from Rat Cay to Adderley . Shallow area , on high alert ! Crystal clear water and perfect wind ghosting along at 6 knots over 6 feet of water . Some minor nail biting . Looked hard for El McPherson 's house . 10 : 00 - 11 : 00 Out the cut and into deep water . Lots of current ! Jib down and messed around with the spinnaker for a while . Girls playing in fort on cockpit . Must be a million degrees out here ! Sweating through everything and a lot of running around . 12 : 00 - 1 : 00 Find our way into Rudder Cut and Darby . Trouble deciding which way to go . Saw some nudies heading to Rudder so decided on Darby . Shallow anchorage so dove on anchor , looked ok . Set anchor watch on GPS . Dove on speed transducer and freed it . Also measured depth of water precisely . 2 : 00 - 2 : 30 Kelsey napping , Maddie playing quietly , Beck in cockpit having a peaceful moment . Sneak into cabin and finish Prey ! Now I can think again ! 2 : 30 - 3 : 00 Empty dinghy and lower into water , think upper body workout . Called Little Darby for permission to hike up to castle . Got kids lubed up with sunscreen and gear . 3 : 00 - 5 : 00 Off to island to explore castle . Everything going well until we get out of the dinghy and are assaulted by three dogs ! Kids terrified , mom upset and we are out of there . Would have been nice if the caretaker had mentioned these ! Motored over to Rudder and the round house . Second highlight of the day , the first being the sail from Rat to Adderly . We landed on the beach and walked up to the house . Pretty much just as we had left it eight years ago . The limo was gone however . Back to the beach where two plastic chairs were left behind and amazingly in semi working condition ! We were able to sit and the girls played with a stick . Boy have things changed ! Hung out until the sun started to get low . Spent a fair amount of time with some lizards as well . 5 : 00 - 6 : 00 Family trampoline time and happy hour ! Noticed how low the tide was and decided to " walk " around the boat ! Took the time to scrub the exhaust stains of off the transoms . Sun dipped and I climbed back aboard to help with dinner . 6 : 00 - 7 : 00 Dinner , chicken and rice , and evening routine . LOTS of dishes . Tooth brushing and beginning of book reading . I read to Kelsey , about 8 books and she wanted to keep going . She was asleep by 7 : 30 and I dosed off with her . Continue journal around 8 : 30 8 : 30 - 10 : 30 Going through West Marine catalog making up large wish list . Going page by page . Spent and hour putting together screens for the boat . Well worth the effort . Purchased some screen before we left . That and a little duck tape do the trick . Took measurement for some more Lewmar screens . Wrote several eMails and sent . At least an hour spent on reading business stuff from Anchorage and responding . In bed by 10 : 30 I 'm a closet " motorer " and now that I think about it , a proud one . I have a feeling I am not alone . There is a certain glamour to the idea of sailing , there is a certain practicality to actually " getting there " . First let 's talk about sailing , the act of actually putting up sails and going . For many years I raced and this was all that was allowed . Perhaps that explains my canvas rebellion . Now before I get too far ahead of myself I must say good advice to any " newbie " is RACE . Being wet , cold , injured , verbally abused while inebriated will prepare you for much of what the ocean has in store . I personally was never entrusted with much aft of the foredeck so " cold and wet " pretty much encapsulate those formative years . Racing prepares one for the inevitable and constant failures that plague even modern rigs . There is a degree of physical fitness , a step or two up from golf , and a large amount of problem solving under pressure . Racing also has a large social component which forces one to pledge allegiance to all things canvas . The part that is kind of funny is anytime we had to actually GET the boat anywhere we MOTORED . So how much do we motor over sail ? I 'd say 80 / 20 ( ah Pareto 's Law ) . Yes folks this sailing blog should be a powerboat blog . Heresy you say . Now this was not the case in the Pacific and the tradewinds . One of the most wonderful qualities of that stretch of ocean is the consistent beam to broad reach . The dirty little secret , however , was that the problem was rarely too much wind , the challenge , more times than not , was too little . At these times rather than sit there clanging around in the swell we would " fire em up " . Ohana ( the catamaran ) had two 27hp yanmars and with one ticking away a few things would happen . First , the boat would start moving , from four knots to seven . This alone was a great motivator to captain and crew . The boat would " quiet down " except for the hum of the diesel of course , but that was oddly comforting . On a light air trip from Fiji to New Zealand we had one engine on ALL THE TIME . That 's seven days ! It was me and a friend and as I recall he said " it made him comfortable " to hear the purring of a well tuned diesel . I 'm all about making our crew comfortable . The second reason I 'm not shy about firing up an engine or two is safety . Generally I 'm sailing short handed and being at anchor is a lot safer than being on the ocean . A well maintained diesel can run for thousands of hours and the engines LIKE being used . The key words " well maintained " opens up a whole new entertainment center for the cruiser . Maintaining a diesel engine is fun in itself and rewarding , at least in my world of limited entertainment . This piece is basically a rationalization piece to those of us who like the hear the hum of a motor and are looking for an excuse to come out of the shadows and share our enthusiasm for the same . It is also a call to those who have the " dream " to consider not just looking up , but also looking down , into the darkness of their engine rooms and embrace that warm lovable hunk of iron . Let 's take a few brief minutes to discuss what the little darling needs and what the benefits are of making her your best friend . The ONE THING a diesel engine needs is CLEAN FUEL . That 's pretty much it . An intimate knowledge of your fuel system is a must and if you bought a used boat , particularly one that has seen little use , you already have a challenge . Your fuel is dirty , just make that assumption . What to do ? Filtration . Now I 'm not a fuel expert and I 'm not recommending any particular products . I have used Raycor filters on just about every boat I can recall and the cartridges are EASY to obtain WORLDWIDE , carry lots . Now the best setup is one that has two filters in parallel and allows you to switch to the second filter as the first becomes fouled . I don 't have this on the current Ohana nor on the previous ( cheap bastard ) . The key to know when your filter is on its way out is a vacuum gauge . Mount this invaluable gadget where it is easily seen and check it often . I watch ours regularly and for the first couple of 100 hours on Ohana 2 she would gum up fairly quickly . What was happening was we were essentially " polishing " the fuel . After two hundred hours or so this has become much less frequent . There is a filter on your engine as well and is often neglected . This filter does not need to be changed as often as the Raycor filter , which does most of the heavy lifting , but does need to be attended to on occasion . The second key is keeping the tools needed to change the filter right next to the filter . This includes in our case a plastic folgers coffee can and a one gallon jug of clean diesel to fill the new filter . I do the same thing for the alternator belt . All three wrenches to change the belt are in their own pocket in our tool bag . Changing that belt should be able to be accomplished in 3 minutes or less ( the replacement is hanging in the engine room ready to go ) . The dreaded " bleeding " of the engine . For some reason this little operation strikes more fear into the hearts of mariners than warranted . Air is the enemy to your diesel and if a bit gets in , usually during the filter changing process , she won 't want to run . If you change your filter , add fuel before reinstalling and generally do a tidy job , odds are she will fire right up , burp a few times and then purr like a kitten . If you don 't and you find you have to bleed , fret not . It 's an easy operation best done first at the dock on a nice calm day close to a NAPA store . If you are really hesitant to touch your engine hire a diesel mechanic the first time and " pay your tuition " . While he is there question him down about every little trick and do your best to keep him well hydrated and happy . Start with a water / soda combination , transition to beer as the job appears to be reaching its natural conclusion . Money well spent . After this it 's oil and oxygen . Change oil often , engine AND transmission . Again have all the tools at the ready , no searching involved for the oil , as far as the oxygen goes make sure your baby can get it . I have not had a proper air filter on any our last few motors so have not worried about much . Odds are you will leave your boat for periods of time unattended . Do yourself a favor and top up the diesel just before putting her to bed . This helps prevent condensation and depending on what climate you leave her in this could be considerable . Condensation equals water and water to diesel is like . . . . . . . any suggestions ? Let 's just say it ain 't good ! One final note regarding your power set up is that expensive bronze thing that sits at the end of the shaft , your prop . Successful long distance motoring is dramatically enhanced with the right one . This topic is so loaded and passions run so high that I will defer to your good sense to do your research and come to your own conclusions . For me I 've stuck with a fixed three bladed prop , the largest that makes sense and it appeals to my sense of simple . This in on our monohulls , the cat came with two adjustable pitch max props . When we first got her she was terribly over pitched with the engines not able to get over 2100 rpm . Again setting up props and deciding on the right pitch is way beyond the scope of this short story but is something you must understand and address . Once you get it right you will motor with confidence into wind and sea and be able to back up like a pro . Take the time . Back to motoring . . . . Enjoy it , for a few delightful years I had the opportunity to drive an Auckland New Zealand Harbor Ferry , the Osprey . Two BIG twin caterpillar diesel , great crew ( nod to Captains Kent , Gordon , Alan , John and Jackie ( stewardess who may actually read this if she finds it on FB ) , plenty of waterline , 24 knots at cruise . Three stories above the water , in the full beam pilot house , life couldn 't get better . We would dock thirty eight times a shift in all sorts of conditions and get to see the harbor in every mood and season . Did I mention three stories up and climate controlled ( sort of ) ? Flash forward to the fall of 2015 delivering a little forty footer ( Ohana 2 ) from Noank to Nassau . Out on Long Island Sound heading west into a brisk breeze , little Yanmar ticking away , foulies zipped up tight . As I listened to the engine hum " that " thought crossed my mind , as it crosses many seasoned sailors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . memories of the ferry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and the idea that perhaps it 's time to look for a Trawler ; - ) P . S . Speaking of Motoring Madison and I will be doing the same around the Bahamas from about January 25th 2017 to February 20th 2017 . If you see us do stop on by ! ! ! Now I have met folks cruising on an ultra budget who were doing a great job of it . A couple we met in Tonga come to mind . They were young and on a 40 some odd foot non - descript monohull . At the beach party in Vavauu , anchorage 14 , they were roasting some fish on the fire for their dinner . We had a great talk about their travels and " living off the land " . My wife 's cousin and his partner are another example . At a Christmas party two decades ago he asked me , with great enthusiasm coupled with little sailing experience , what kind of boat he could get cheap and sail offshore with . I thought about it and said " Crealock Dreadnaught 32 " and left it at that . A few months later he called and said he bought one ( I about fell of my chair ! ) , they left from Juneau Alaska with a 50lb bag of rice and a spear gun ( I 'm exaggerating , but not too much ) and ended up in Japan where they sold the boat . They went on to buy a 40 ' steel hull at a scrap yard , lived in it at the scrap yard while they " built it " . A year or two later took off again for Mexico , Hawaii , Midway ( where they worked for a year to build up their funds ) and then back to Alaska . He even built the MAST from a pipe ! ! ! These kind of folks can and do cruise on a budget of 500 . 00 per month . Now for the rest of us . . . . . . . . When I see an online post saying " I want to buy a $ 20 , 000 . 00 ocean going boat and cruise on 800 . 00 per month and I need to learn how to sail " I kind of wince . The advice that comes out on the chat room is good and it can be done , see the above , but is it likely ? The two examples earlier were of folks who lived off the land well before going cruising and who were predisposed to doing lots with very little . Those of us who come from fairly comfortable land based occupations with partners and children who are accustomed to certain " comforts " this notion of spending next to nothing each month generally ends prematurely and poorly . One day I was walking back to Ohana at Palm Harbor Marina in West Palm and saw a man sitting on the dock literally in tears . I walked up to ask if all was ok and struck up " the conversation " about what happened . This is not the first conversation like this I have had , in fact , had the same one just last year in Cape May with a man on a nice Pacific Seacraft Crealock 34 ( I detect a theme ) . The conversation goes something like this : " I 've dreamed of cruising my whole life . I read everything , researched everything , bought the boat and had a great couple of years outfitting her and fixing her up . Finally we decided to go and headed down to Florida in anticipation of sailing to the Bahamas and points south . Somewhere around Charleston my wife quit . She said it 's too . . . . . . . . . fill in all the " too 's " , too hot , expensive , cold , boring , terrifying , lonely , far from the kids , claustrophobic . . . . . . you get the idea . So here I am with my dream and I have to sell it . " The Cape May guy was more to the point of finances . He had done all of the same and had a VERY specific monthly budget . His transmission gave up in Cape May ( see upcoming post on " motoring " to know why ) and he literally could not afford to replace and nor afford to keep her at a dock or haul her out and store her . He was selling and he was having a fire sale . For a brief moment , as he told his story , I considered offering to help and pay for a transmission but as he kept talking I changed my mind . It would only be subsidizing what he was already ill prepared for and would just end a little further down the ditch . The point , for most folks , it 's going to " cost " a lot more than you think . Nothing makes me happier than to see folks out there really ENJOYING the life and not constantly on the wrong side of the ledger . Speaking of which I better get to work so we can go off sailing next week ! Have a blessed day all ! Early on we shared a boat with a good friend and sailed about six months a year ( he sailed the other six ) . Read earlier post " back story " for the details . Here 's the story . One afternoon I found myself sitting on a remote beach , Scarlett anchored just offshore with a Nordhavn 60 ' anchored nearby . We were the only two . We had brought the dinghy in for some afternoon exploring and a swim . Soon after we arrived the Nordhavn launched their tender ( we had a dinghy , they had a tender ) and they headed to our beach . I 've forgotten the man 's name but this scene played out many times over the years . We 'd say hello and each couple would begin to tell their story . He would be late 50 's to early 60 's . Second marriage and they were " living the dream " . Where from , where going , etc . After a few minutes the ladies would walk off to chat and we would sit down in the shade and talk a bit more . The next question would be " what do you do ? " I 'm sure you 've been there and you have your story . I 'd share ours . Given our tender ages there was some genuine interest in how we managed to get there and be able to spend several months " living the dream " . We would then proceed to share stories of business and finances and experiences . At some point in the conversation I would ask my question , what 's your best advice ? Being 30 years old on a beach with a man who has led his life is such an opportunity . On more than one occasion the advice would be similar to the advice the man from the 60 ' Nordhavn gave . Paul , see that boat there and my beautiful wife ? Yes . I would trade it all to have my family . You see Paul I worked 24 / 7 for twenty years to build my business . We were wildly successful . I provided every material want my family needed , all except one . . . . . . . . me . Time went by , divorce , estrangement from my children and now grandchildren . Paul , if you can , and it seems you might be able to , take the years your children are growing up and spend it with them . That was the advice and this happened on more than one occasion . Those days of childless wandering did come to a close . Scarlett was sold and we settled into life in Anchorage Alaska . We continued to grow our business , built a house , had our first daughter in 1998 . Our second arrived in 2001 . Those words stuck with me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . One day I came home from another 14 hour day to find my lovely wife sitting in our " playroom " staring at the world map ( that map sits behind me right now 15 years later ) . We had a conversation about " what we were doing and what we could do " . That advice , " take the years your children are growing up and spend it with them . " was ringing in my head . We then made the worst financial decision of our lives . Fifteen years later , thousands of ocean miles , residents of a new country , we still eat and travel and pay taxes . Are we as " wealthy " as we could have been ? Not by a long shot , but I 'm convinced if we stayed on the track we were on and failed to heed that wise advice , I would have ended up sitting on a beach giving advice to a young man to , if at all possible , " take those precious years that your family is growing up and spend it with them . " Blessings all . . . . . How often have you heard this ? Now I have always been a destination guy . Always " moving " towards some distant goal and the places in between were on " The Plan " . I never really thought much about this until this last month when I found myself with absolutely NO PLAN . Now Steve and Jim at Loggerhead Marina ( Highly recommend ) in Stuart did not like this as it really messes with the paperwork ! More on that shortly for those who dare to read this whole post . The rough plan this month was to come down to Florida for spring break with Madison our oldest . I was to fly down early and get the boat ready including all new mast and rigging with some golf thrown in . Madison would fly down solo for her first time and together we would spend 10 days " doing our thing " . Well the rigging and mast plan went great and when she arrived we sat down to come up with " The Plan " . We had nothing : - ) The decision was made to sail out and see what the conditions dictated and take it from there . This is new territory for dear Captain and honestly , was kind of refreshing . Rather than some epic goal we would just go . So on Wednesday morning we dropped lines , pumped the poop and let Steve and Jim know we were leaving for good , or not . We headed out Stuart inlet and turned ESE for West End Bahamas ( habit ) . About 20 miles out and well into the Gulf Stream Madison said " I 'd really like to have ice cream at Sloans " . See we purchased Ohana 1 ( the cat ) in West Palm Beach in 2002 ( Madison was 4 at the time ) and spent the better part of two years in and out of Palm Harbor Marina as we prepared her for the Caribbean and Pacific . West Palm holds many fond memories : Two Girls Pizza , Clematis Street , The " Fountain " where the kids could play and Sloans Ice Cream . But what about " The Plan " ? ? ? There was none ! We turned to the South West , a pod of dolphins joined us and off we went to get ice cream . Now I had visions of waking to a Bahamas sunrise in West End and working our way to Marsh Harbor , leaving the boat there . We ended up visiting the Four Arts and med ( See Photo Gallery for lots of Pics ) I walked past the mega yachts that surrounded little Ohana at the Viaduct Marina in Auckland . One in particular , I 've forgotten the name , stood out . I looked at the table set on the afterdeck , it was spectacular . Three crew members were in attendance , the guests soon to arrive . . . . . . . . . . . . . lighting perfect , settings perfect . . . . . . . . . . . . what were they going to discuss , I would never know . At first I thought about the " consumption . " Who needs all that , how did they " get " it , why does it matter ? To be honest I had a bit of envy along with a bit of curiosity . So much . . . . . . . . why ? I thought about it . I would have loved to have been a fly on that wall . Here 's what I came up with : The conversations that take place around a table are the fuel . The people that contribute are the engine . If we 're blessed we can enjoy many evenings with many people who make our lives richer and fuller for having sat there . The photo gallery on this blog home page entitled " Happy Hours " captures a few of these evenings we had the honor to enjoy aboard Ohana . I have a feeling that if a boat might be a measure of one 's material success , the quality of the conversations around those tables , such as the yacht I was looking at , might be a good measure of a one 's hospitality , curiosity and inquisitiveness . So that gets us back to our humble little table . It is easy for a man to look " up " to bigger and better . Our " table " wasn 't on a mega yacht but for us may as well have been . It has entertained a wide variety of characters from all over the world . Who would have thought a boy and girl from humble beginnings in New York and Alaska would sit with corporate giants , financiers , pastors , hippies , singers , actors , tech moguls , eccentrics , escapists . . . . . . . . . . . the list goes on . It all happened around our little table . Speaking of " happy hour " I 've had a few so will sign off early . Invite people . . . . . . . . . . . . . they make it oh so colorful . One last story . This fall I was sailing south and found myself in Sandy Hook ( Atlantic Highlands NJ ) . Earlier in the day the engine died and was an afternoon of back and forth to NAPA to sort things out . At first I hitched a ride with a local , his wife and brother in law . I realized soon after that NAPA was a short walk and made several trips back and forth as I diagnosed the problem . It 's part of the deal and those folks were great ! Well 6pm was rolling around and I was sitting in the cockpit looking around and a noticed a dinghy going boat to boat inviting people over for happy hour . I thought " I 'd like to have happy hour " but kept my hand down . Well Scott came by Ohana and invited me ! I hopped aboard and soon realized his other passenger was the fellow who drove me to NAPA ! We ended up aboard Tamure and enjoyed a great evening with every single hander in the harbor along with Scott and Kitty who it turns out are a bit of legends in the sailing world . Their boat was a living museum . Check out their site for Tamure by clicking on the link . Along with these two links Great Escape and Atlantic Circle We sat in the cockpit around their " table " and as the evening progressed moved down below . It was magic . They took the time to invite and that is an encouragement to me to do the same . At times I resist but I know that all that is good occurs around that place , the table . CruisersForum has a lot of questions regarding storm tactics with Catamarans . I have to confess I asked many of the same when we first bought Ohana and went as far as purchasing a monster parachute anchor which we carried all over the Caribbean and Pacific . We never deployed it . This is my stab at answering , at least , how we did it . The question is always " what were the worst conditions you were ever in . " That answer is a four hour period between Tonga and New Zealand in 2005 where we were averaging 16 knots in some pretty big seas . The video above is from a trip to Tonga in 2010 with the aforementioned Vito onboard . It looks rough but the boat could handle that and much more . That was pretty much it . Of the tens of thousands of miles I 've covered those four hours and 60 some odd miles were the most lively . The 2005 experience ? Well later on I 'll discuss my philosophy of sailing " with the storm " , suffice it to say we were doing just that and the wind was off our quarter where we wanted it and the seas were with us so to speak . . . . and they were big . Reef early ( that 's a tip ) , and we had , but even with a triple reef in the main and a handkerchief of jib out we were FLYING and it was loud . The sound a big cat makes going over 10 knots is like living in a waterfall . Going 15 - 16 is a whole other story . Down each wave she accelerates and it was those few moments at the bottom where I had pause . Bows please come up . . . . . . . . . and each time they would and I would say " elevator up ! " This went on for four hours or so as we ducked under the lower part of the system on our way south . That was the most tense I 've been while offshore . Believe it or not the girls played quietly on the deck in the main salon and Becky looked up every now and then and asked if we were ok , amazing . Disclaimer : The advise here is free and you get what you pay for . Take it for it is , know your boat well and be honest about your skill set . I would also equip much differently for sailing in high latitudes or off season . The other thing I 've learned is the boat can take a lot more than the crew . We were in conditions like the video for several days after leaving Opua , several large monohulls actually turned back . Ohana kept skipping along . One night Garth , who was along for his first offshore passage , wanted to go on deck and put one final reef in . My advise to him was " nothing good cPoint 3 - I 'm scratching my chin here . All that comes to mind is how important it is to know your personal limits and not put your crew or yourself in a situation you or the boat are not truly prepared to handle . That and DO NOT sail on a schedule if at all possible . This is about catamarans and if you 've read this far you probably own one so here is the final dirty little secret , they all slam ( some more than others ) , they all take 15 knots of wind to really get moving and none of them really go to weather nor should they . All the more reason to sail the fronts in my opinion and keep her moving , when the wind falls below 10 knots and the boat slows to 4 time to kick on an engine . Time to hit the sack internet friends ! Have a blessed day and many happy and safe miles . I am the most unlikely Hunter owner . Back in the " day " selling boats was the game and Hunter was a big no - no . I was a Hunter Snob with no real reason to be so , short of a little conversation at a boat show . I was actually looking at the Hunters and commenting on how nice they were for the money . At twenty some odd years old what did I know ? Let 's call him Crusty , the broker who had taken me under his wing , said " boat show boat " . That was all it took to turn me off to Hunters . Three words . What does " boat show boat " mean ? Basically a boat the wife likes at the boat show , huge interiors , ticks all the boxes , priced well and falls apart after a few years in the Florida sun . Soon after , as a young yacht broker , I actually sold a Hunter and it looked just like Crusty described , weather beaten and tired . Tied up behind a house in Port Orange Florida we limped it up to Seven Seas Marina in Daytona for haul out and inspection . All I believed about Hunters seemed to be true . That was the last I thought of Hunters until I met Vito but , before we introduce this character , one has to ask why was I looking for a boat like a Hunter in the first place . I wasn 't . This past Alaska winter our oldest daughter looked at me and said " Dad , what good is all this experience if you don 't share it ? " followed with , " can we get a boat and just you and I spend the summer sailing together . " Annie get your gun ! I was off to the races . This coincided with an article in Cruising Outpost issue # 8 entitled " The Whole Nine Yards " the story of two girls , a dog , a cat and a 27 ' boat ( support Bob Bitchin and buy the mag , it 's worth the eight bucks ) . That question and article set the Berger wheels in motion . Let 's find a small " beater boat " , not too fancy and easily handled by one or two . Something the girls could grow into and make it their own should they have the desire . The usual suspects came to mind , Catalina 30 , J 30 , C & C 30 or up a little to the 35 ' range . After a good talk with long suffering wife ( who , bless her heart , generally supports a good ole adventure after the idea has a little time to marinate ) gave her approval and I began the search . Now there is a whole other post on buying boats and I wrote it a few days ago and it was summarily VAPORIZED by sailblogs . Here is the cliff note version : Know that as you look " the one " will likely show up and don 't be afraid to buy it . That 's basically it . The " one " is easier to see after you 've been on a few and start to get a feel for what 's out there . In the case of this project the size quickly grew to 40 ' as we adjusted and thought about family vacations with all four of us and the prospect of having a relatively inexpensive floating condo . Fair enough and in our experience 40 ' still met the expectation of being easily handled by one or two . I flew into Annapolis late April and started the hunt . This took me from Deltaville Virginia as far north as Westport Connecticut . I looked at Beneteaus , Catalina , Jenneaus and two newer Hunters . Nothing was " clicking " although the Hunters were cool they had the new B & R rigs ( no backstay ) and one had the expected deck leaks that I had been warned of . Remember Vito ? Picture a Sicilian bull dog with a heart of gold . We met Vito , Madeline and their daughter Amanda in Bora Bora back in 2005 . At the time they were aboard Wanderer , a beautiful and capable Amel 53 . My father was onboard Ohana , he had grown up in the Bronx and worked in New York City for most of his career . As soon as he heard Vito 's deep Italian voice on the VHF he had to meet him . Kind of a cross between CarTalk and a Corleone . Just made you feel safe and nervous at the same time . Now Vito and I became quick friends and have remained so for over a decade . I TRUST him and value his opinion and on one topic in particular he was adamant and unwavering . . . . . . . . . . . . Hunter Legends . As soon as I mentioned this idea of a small beater boat for the east coast he said " Paully , you got ta look at da Hunter Legend ! " He had one for over a decade ( two actually if memory serves , a 37 ' and a 40 . 5 ) and just would not stop raving about the boat . I still had my 1987 snob hat on and kept politely deferring . Finally , I broke , as nothing was really feeling right on my search so far . I located a Hunter Legend 40 . 5 on the Eastern Shore of Maryland and invested the time to drive over onI met the broker and we trudged out against the north wind and as I walked up to Hunter Legend 40 . 5 for the first time the thing that struck me was that she was big . Just big compared to all the other 40 's I had been looking at . She had a 7 / 8th fractional rig which you J sailors know is a great set up for short handed sailing and powerful . The cockpit had a cutout transom ( wife request ) and there were hatches galore ! What 's going on here , it must leak like a sieve . We climbed aboard ( they have a high freeboard and are beamy which explains the interior volume ) and I mean climbed . Slid open the companionway hatch and I was just blown away by the cabin , oh my goodness , I was falling into the " boat show boat " trap ! This boat was twenty years old however and had not yet melted as Crusty had promised , good sign . A 50hp Yanmar diesel - yea , tons of cabinet space , plenty of light , a well laid out galley , two heads . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Vito was right , this boat was incredible . There must be a catch . With that many opening hatches let 's look for leaks , there were none . This particular boat was poorly maintained and run hard . The bones though looked great and it was time to find all the Hunter 40 . 5s on the East Coast and have a real look . That took an evening with Yachtworld along with one more drive up and down the coast looking at four examples of the boat . I had evidently seen the worst of the lot first and the other three I found were all in terrific condition . All were mid 90 's boats with light use and well maintained . The last of the bunch had an offer on it already and was a tri - cabin which I felt was superior with a family and left a cabin just for storing stuff . At first it was off the list given its pending sale put that sale fell through and I was able to finally get onboard . She was " the one " , you just know it . I have to thank Cherie Startner of Great Blue Yachts for just calling . I bugged her about the boat for a few days while the Annapolis Boat show was going on ( she was in the middle of it and having done So here we are Hunter owners . . . . . . . . . . who would have thought ? At this point we 've put about 3000 plus miles on her in a variety of conditions from Nantucket to Nassau . She has proved to be fast , seaworthy , comfortable at the dock and anchor as well as very easy to handle . That 's the story . I think at the end of the day whatever boat you find yourself in will work for almost anything . What they take is care , feeding and love . . . . . . . . . . . perhaps that 's the part you feel . . . . . . the love . I 've been thinking back over all of our passages over the years . There are several themes to each one , let 's call them the " life of a passage " . It starts ( the actual passage ) with dropping the lines . Everything before this moment is safe and predictable . See Madison 's blog entitled " Phase 2 " ( http : / / captain - andthekid . blogspot . com / 2015 / 05 / phase - 2 . html ) . I 'll copy the text below and save you the cut and paste . She talks about the provisioning , fixing , storing , preparing , reading , talking . . . . . . . . . . every fun thing we do before leaving on an extended passage . Dropping the lines though . . . . . . . taking off into the unknown . That 's another story . The worst time for me was leaving the Galapagos for the longest passage of our life , the 3000nm to the Marquesas . The first 48 hours were torture . All was fine on the boat , all were happy , just the feeling in the pit of my stomach . All the " what ifs " , they were real and turning around was not an option . That time passed and we developed a routine and those 18 days were some of the best memories of our cruising life . Those first 48 were part of it . Recently I found myself at Spicer 's Marina in Noank Connecticut about to take of on a solo delivery to Florida . Prior to leaving Becky said in no uncertain terms , " if you change your mind just don 't go , no biggie " . I had been in New England for a week or so at that point . Had made the Costco runs , visited Vito and Madeline from Wanderer , met all the neighbors on the dock and had begun to develop the marina friendships that sprout up quickly among our community . That Saturday was shaping up to be like many Saturdays on G pier at Spicers . The party boat was setting up across the dock and the beer was already flowing . The weekend " wash the boat " crowds were washing and the fisherman were cleaning fish . A BBQ was being set up on the dock and I was having a ball talking with everyone , asking questions , listening to stories , telling stories , the usual . The idea of leaving was just the furthest thing from my mind . . . . . . . . . . . . and the closest . For ( the picture for this post is from that day just after getting the autopilot working and heading over to Fisher 's Island ) A lot has happened over the course of 24 hours for us . Phase 2 is in motion and it hit hard today . What is phase 1 you ask ? Sit down mortals , grab some trail mix , let me explain . Phase 1 of sailing is getting on board , cleaning the boat , stocking the boat , provisioning , driving around boating supply stores in a rental car , learning how the toilets work , fixing the engine , buying silverware and kitcheny stuff , febreezing the heck out of everything , the list goes on . Believe it or not learning how toilets work on a boat is a very hard concept for most people to wrap their heads around . When I was a little girl and someone new would come onboard , before anything at all I would give them a tour of the boat and teach them how the toilets worked . That stuff is witchcraft man . Phase 1 of sailing is super important because if your boat isn 't organised and clean and everyone on board isn 't prepared , certified and educated on why turning off lights is so important , you probably aren 't ready for phase 2 . We 've spent a good week in phase 1 . The time we 've spent running through the isles of West Marine , Home Depot and Fawcett 's boat store , is crazy . You 'd think we were part time owners by now . Phase 2 is where stuff gets real . You leave the marina and get a mooring . The boat starts rocking . You 're seasick . You walk around in your underwear . This is when you know there 's no turning back . Today I knew it was phase 2 because when I woke up my dad was gone , and my little boatie kid instincts said to make breakfast . Not to do any phase 1 stuff , just jump right into boat life and start the day because I know we had some sailing ahead of us . I made my dad spam and eggs and I made a bowl of pineapple for myself . When I was a kid spam was like a gift from God . Kel and I would smell spam in the morning and we knew it was someones birthday or Jesus had come back or something . My sister and I held spam on the highest pedestal in terms of breakfast foods . I realised today my childhood was a lie and spam is just dog food strategically placAfter cabin inspection and the kitchen and boat was all clean , my dad 's friend and the boatyard manager , Ted came over to help fix our engine . He talked to us for a long , long time about life and politics and the history of the city . He 's lived here for most of his life and he told us when he was a kid black people would live underneath the tiniest abandoned boats that were just left there on the side of the creek . They would crab all day , cook fish at night , and just raise their kids and live their lives . He said they were the nicest people and would always talk to him and his friends when they walked the creek like Huckleberry Finn or something . Keep in mind , this was a totally different time in history . The black people would flip the boats over so they could use them as shelter and a place to sleep . Eventually , in the immancipation proclamation , Abe Lincoln gave that land away to the black people . The white people didn 't want it because of the bugs . What a bunch of wimpies . Ted was a cool guy to listen to . The people you meet sailing are really the folks you 'll remember your entire life . I have friends my age and I have some amazing people in my day to day life but the characters I really remember are the weirdos you run into on the water . I don 't see them all the time , and I may never see them again in my life but I 'll never forget the people I met as a kid cruising . We still have life long friends from Norway , England , all over America , and every corner of the planet . Not a lot are my age and I can 't relate to any of them that well but learning about other people 's lives and stories is really a gift and if you have the chance to talk to people , especially travelling I highly recommend it . My dad and I drove to do a couple more errands to finish off the tedious and draining phase 1 . We dropped off the rental car and got a taxi back to the boat yard . I can 't stand taxis , it 's like paying someone to kidnap you and your family . They might as well just carry candy with them , give you the whole experience . We got back to the boatyard and took off . We just sailed to downtown Annapolis and there were tons of boats out . It 's a total sailing town , every single person that lives there owns a boat or at least works or crews on one . I didn 't get behind the wheel , I just took care of lines and tying the boat on and off . When we finally approached the mooring my dad left getting the boat on the mooring up to me which wasn 't too scary until we got up close to it . The notion that I 'd never done this before kicked in and I was really nervous I was going to fall overboard or ya know , miss the mooring . I got the line on the boat on the first try though . It was pretty neat . If I accomplished anything this Summer , it was that . I took a stellar nap . My dad tried like crazy to inflate the dingy but nothing was working . Our pump looked like something you would get at party and craft and it was killing him trying to blow this . . thing up . I woke up when it started getting dark outside and there was another guy in the cockpit with my dad . Turns out the boat next to us was from Wasilla , Alaska . I know , the world is so little . Once again , you meet the nicest people sailing . He talked to us about his life , and how he went to Wasilla high and some stuff about politics . Everyone talks about politics with my dad and I . Anyway , this guy , Nick brought a better dingy pump and helped us blow up the dingy and get it in the water . He blogs too . Check out knoticalnic . wordpress . com . I knew knot puns weren 't lame . My dad and I caught the water taxi into town to have some dinner and catch some of the Saturday night action . The city of Annapolis is crazy at night . It 's filled with drunk , white people . Kind of like a family get together at my uncle Jason 's house . We walked the streets and got some sweet tea and dinner at the cutest little diner . I 'm a tea conniosseur and I 'm all about sweet tea but sweet tea in the South is on a whole different level . This was like 90 % sugar . It was diabetes in the cup . I could feel my mom in Alaska screaming . It 's about 12 : 30am here now . I 'm wide awake and I probably will be for a long while . I have a lot on my mind . The one thing about blogging that makes me feel annoying is that it 's mostly or all about my life and experiences . Which is okay , I understand the only people reading this are probably a little curious as to what a 17 year old girl on a boat gets up to on the daily . I cherish people that take time to tell me they read what I write and they find it interesting or funny . My favorite thing is when other people or my friends tell me about their day and what 's going on in their lives so if you do things doing your day , or don 't do things feel free to message me on any site you please and tell me about it . I 'm on a boat , I have a lot of free time to listen . And I love doing so . Even when my nana writes to tell me about her garden club , or my friends back home tell me about their drunk camping trips , I love it . I soak that stuff up . Tell me about your awkward first dance , tell me about what you want to do in the future , tell me about how you picked up 5 cats on the side of the road and your mom said you can 't keep them but they lived in your closet for a week because you couldn 't part with them . Because that 's someone 's life and it 's cool to be apart of that . People are such complex beings , and the day to day stuff that makes up their entire exitence is super cool to hear about . The connections you make , you could have for your entire life . All I do on this blog is tell you about the little bits and peices that I do everyday on the boat , and people seem to read it . I looked at the stats yesterday which is wild considering I can barely work the oven by myself . I 'm like an old lady trying to use an iphone for the first time , I swear . I 'm not as technologically savvy as I seem . Trying to use google maps on my phone is like trying to navigate the mars rover for me . My friends can testify . Anyway , It said over 400 people looked at this blog just yesterday , which kind of freaks me out but it encourages me that people Hugs and kisses from the sea , xo Started this back in 2008 and abandoned quickly for other options . Time has gone by and we 're back ! After many adventures across the Caribbean and Pacific aboard Ohana we are back on it aboard Ohana II . The idea was to find a simple inexpensive boat that Madison and Kelsey could sail . [ . . . ] Also to spend time exploring the East coast and Bahamas and basically getting back to the basics Becky and I enjoyed upon Scarlett . Hope you enjoy ! Also Check out captain - andthekid @ blogspot . com for Madison 's blog : - )
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Each morning I wake to find a bunch of questions posted on " Cruisers and Sailing Forums " . I love taking the time to read and respond where I can . A common question is what to " get rid of " before moving aboard . We 're all for minimization , a pair of socks comes on , a pair goes off . That being said when closing up a household we did not consider that we may one day move back , which we did . This little post is in respect to this topic : - ) _____ Most of the posts that I have seen here on CF since I 've joined last year all talk about moving aboard ( myself included ) . But what happens if you have to , want to , return to a land - based lifestyle ? I only remember seeing one recent post concerning life after cruising ( but I am sure there are more in older posts ) . _____ I like this perspective on considering this very question . We did move aboard and sailed / lived for a decade overseas . We sold the house and all the furniture in it along with most of my larger power tools ( that was a minor mistake ) . We did keep our real estate holdings and in one of the buildings I carved out a storage area for our more treasured belongings . We had traveled a lot before the " big trip " and had lots of little reminders with special meanings , lots of books ( classics and rare ) and lots of artwork etc . After 3 years we ended up in New Zealand where we obtained residency and put our girls in school . On a business trip back to Alaska I arranged to have all that " stuff " sent down . It was like Christmas opening up those boxes and although a bit on the expensive side , putting those items in our new home in NZ made it really feel like home . 7 years later we moved back to the States for a number of reasons which we do not regret at all . This time we hired a 20 ' container and sent what had been accumulated in NZ back after a BIG GARAGE SALE . Now our Alaskan home has a twenty years worth of history and it 's nice to look back over all those memories and tell stories through all those small little items . REGRET ? I should have stored all the big stuff we gave away . Tools first - table saw ( 2000 sold for probably 500 ) and lots of stuff like that . All the sports gear , bikes , kayaks , skis , winter wear , Jeep , etc . Perhaps even some of the furniture . The truth is most all new live aboard cruisers return to land at some point . That would be an interesting survey . The math is pretty straight forward , value of replacing items with storage costs for a given period of time . The sentimental value something different . Found this while muddling through an old laptop . Just a few weeks ago we were back at Rudder Cay . Madison is now 18 and we are short one hull ( Catamaran Pun , please forgive ) . The rhythm felt the same , right down to the dinner : - ) The pic above is from that night fourteen years ago and of the " plastic chairs " we found on the beach . Enjoy ! 5 : 30 Awake , check position and remember to turn off anchor light . Indicator light burned out so placed post - it with big A on it to remind me . Read " Prey " until … 6 : 10 Kelsey cries , wet diaper . Changed and made a break for my book . Had large glass of water , neglected to put coffee on . 6 : 20 Kelsey up , book over . Asking for mama but wants me . Played on settee and brought her down to help wake mama up . 6 : 30 Madison awake , wet her bed which I discovered earlier . She informs me of the same and apologizes . Hard to get mad at her . Making plan to clean sheets using washing contraption . 7 : 00 Clifford , big red dog playing since 6 : 35 while I tried to sneak in a little more book before Becky awoke . She 's up now and wondering where coffee is and why the dishes are not done . Put coffee on , should boil over within 5 minutes . 7 : 05 Boiled over . 7 : 06 to 8 : 00 Made breakfast for self and did dishes . Cleared deck from previous day and made dinghy ready to be lifted . While lifting took the time to spray out the sand . Checked both bilges and pumped port . 8 : 00 to 9 : 00 Talked about future plans and summer housing . Also plans for the day and where we would like to go . Declined offer to go spear fishing , anxious to get moving north . Decided to sail inside of islands , read up on route and made ready . Started engines to make hot water for Becky 's shower and charge batteries . Also turned on watermaker and checked its output . Had Beck bring up the anchor as a drill . She also took the time to raise the main but I finished the heavy lifting . 9 : 00 - 10 : 00 Beautiful sail from Rat Cay to Adderley . Shallow area , on high alert ! Crystal clear water and perfect wind ghosting along at 6 knots over 6 feet of water . Some minor nail biting . Looked hard for El McPherson 's house . 10 : 00 - 11 : 00 Out the cut and into deep water . Lots of current ! Jib down and messed around with the spinnaker for a while . Girls playing in fort on cockpit . Must be a million degrees out here ! Sweating through everything and a lot of running around . 12 : 00 - 1 : 00 Find our way into Rudder Cut and Darby . Trouble deciding which way to go . Saw some nudies heading to Rudder so decided on Darby . Shallow anchorage so dove on anchor , looked ok . Set anchor watch on GPS . Dove on speed transducer and freed it . Also measured depth of water precisely . 2 : 00 - 2 : 30 Kelsey napping , Maddie playing quietly , Beck in cockpit having a peaceful moment . Sneak into cabin and finish Prey ! Now I can think again ! 2 : 30 - 3 : 00 Empty dinghy and lower into water , think upper body workout . Called Little Darby for permission to hike up to castle . Got kids lubed up with sunscreen and gear . 3 : 00 - 5 : 00 Off to island to explore castle . Everything going well until we get out of the dinghy and are assaulted by three dogs ! Kids terrified , mom upset and we are out of there . Would have been nice if the caretaker had mentioned these ! Motored over to Rudder and the round house . Second highlight of the day , the first being the sail from Rat to Adderly . We landed on the beach and walked up to the house . Pretty much just as we had left it eight years ago . The limo was gone however . Back to the beach where two plastic chairs were left behind and amazingly in semi working condition ! We were able to sit and the girls played with a stick . Boy have things changed ! Hung out until the sun started to get low . Spent a fair amount of time with some lizards as well . 5 : 00 - 6 : 00 Family trampoline time and happy hour ! Noticed how low the tide was and decided to " walk " around the boat ! Took the time to scrub the exhaust stains of off the transoms . Sun dipped and I climbed back aboard to help with dinner . 6 : 00 - 7 : 00 Dinner , chicken and rice , and evening routine . LOTS of dishes . Tooth brushing and beginning of book reading . I read to Kelsey , about 8 books and she wanted to keep going . She was asleep by 7 : 30 and I dosed off with her . Continue journal around 8 : 30 8 : 30 - 10 : 30 Going through West Marine catalog making up large wish list . Going page by page . Spent and hour putting together screens for the boat . Well worth the effort . Purchased some screen before we left . That and a little duck tape do the trick . Took measurement for some more Lewmar screens . Wrote several eMails and sent . At least an hour spent on reading business stuff from Anchorage and responding . In bed by 10 : 30 I 'm a closet " motorer " and now that I think about it , a proud one . I have a feeling I am not alone . There is a certain glamour to the idea of sailing , there is a certain practicality to actually " getting there " . First let 's talk about sailing , the act of actually putting up sails and going . For many years I raced and this was all that was allowed . Perhaps that explains my canvas rebellion . Now before I get too far ahead of myself I must say good advice to any " newbie " is RACE . Being wet , cold , injured , verbally abused while inebriated will prepare you for much of what the ocean has in store . I personally was never entrusted with much aft of the foredeck so " cold and wet " pretty much encapsulate those formative years . Racing prepares one for the inevitable and constant failures that plague even modern rigs . There is a degree of physical fitness , a step or two up from golf , and a large amount of problem solving under pressure . Racing also has a large social component which forces one to pledge allegiance to all things canvas . The part that is kind of funny is anytime we had to actually GET the boat anywhere we MOTORED . So how much do we motor over sail ? I 'd say 80 / 20 ( ah Pareto 's Law ) . Yes folks this sailing blog should be a powerboat blog . Heresy you say . Now this was not the case in the Pacific and the tradewinds . One of the most wonderful qualities of that stretch of ocean is the consistent beam to broad reach . The dirty little secret , however , was that the problem was rarely too much wind , the challenge , more times than not , was too little . At these times rather than sit there clanging around in the swell we would " fire em up " . Ohana ( the catamaran ) had two 27hp yanmars and with one ticking away a few things would happen . First , the boat would start moving , from four knots to seven . This alone was a great motivator to captain and crew . The boat would " quiet down " except for the hum of the diesel of course , but that was oddly comforting . On a light air trip from Fiji to New Zealand we had one engine on ALL THE TIME . That 's seven days ! It was me and a friend and as I recall he said " it made him comfortable " to hear the purring of a well tuned diesel . I 'm all about making our crew comfortable . The second reason I 'm not shy about firing up an engine or two is safety . Generally I 'm sailing short handed and being at anchor is a lot safer than being on the ocean . A well maintained diesel can run for thousands of hours and the engines LIKE being used . The key words " well maintained " opens up a whole new entertainment center for the cruiser . Maintaining a diesel engine is fun in itself and rewarding , at least in my world of limited entertainment . This piece is basically a rationalization piece to those of us who like the hear the hum of a motor and are looking for an excuse to come out of the shadows and share our enthusiasm for the same . It is also a call to those who have the " dream " to consider not just looking up , but also looking down , into the darkness of their engine rooms and embrace that warm lovable hunk of iron . Let 's take a few brief minutes to discuss what the little darling needs and what the benefits are of making her your best friend . The ONE THING a diesel engine needs is CLEAN FUEL . That 's pretty much it . An intimate knowledge of your fuel system is a must and if you bought a used boat , particularly one that has seen little use , you already have a challenge . Your fuel is dirty , just make that assumption . What to do ? Filtration . Now I 'm not a fuel expert and I 'm not recommending any particular products . I have used Raycor filters on just about every boat I can recall and the cartridges are EASY to obtain WORLDWIDE , carry lots . Now the best setup is one that has two filters in parallel and allows you to switch to the second filter as the first becomes fouled . I don 't have this on the current Ohana nor on the previous ( cheap bastard ) . The key to know when your filter is on its way out is a vacuum gauge . Mount this invaluable gadget where it is easily seen and check it often . I watch ours regularly and for the first couple of 100 hours on Ohana 2 she would gum up fairly quickly . What was happening was we were essentially " polishing " the fuel . After two hundred hours or so this has become much less frequent . There is a filter on your engine as well and is often neglected . This filter does not need to be changed as often as the Raycor filter , which does most of the heavy lifting , but does need to be attended to on occasion . The second key is keeping the tools needed to change the filter right next to the filter . This includes in our case a plastic folgers coffee can and a one gallon jug of clean diesel to fill the new filter . I do the same thing for the alternator belt . All three wrenches to change the belt are in their own pocket in our tool bag . Changing that belt should be able to be accomplished in 3 minutes or less ( the replacement is hanging in the engine room ready to go ) . The dreaded " bleeding " of the engine . For some reason this little operation strikes more fear into the hearts of mariners than warranted . Air is the enemy to your diesel and if a bit gets in , usually during the filter changing process , she won 't want to run . If you change your filter , add fuel before reinstalling and generally do a tidy job , odds are she will fire right up , burp a few times and then purr like a kitten . If you don 't and you find you have to bleed , fret not . It 's an easy operation best done first at the dock on a nice calm day close to a NAPA store . If you are really hesitant to touch your engine hire a diesel mechanic the first time and " pay your tuition " . While he is there question him down about every little trick and do your best to keep him well hydrated and happy . Start with a water / soda combination , transition to beer as the job appears to be reaching its natural conclusion . Money well spent . After this it 's oil and oxygen . Change oil often , engine AND transmission . Again have all the tools at the ready , no searching involved for the oil , as far as the oxygen goes make sure your baby can get it . I have not had a proper air filter on any our last few motors so have not worried about much . Odds are you will leave your boat for periods of time unattended . Do yourself a favor and top up the diesel just before putting her to bed . This helps prevent condensation and depending on what climate you leave her in this could be considerable . Condensation equals water and water to diesel is like . . . . . . . any suggestions ? Let 's just say it ain 't good ! One final note regarding your power set up is that expensive bronze thing that sits at the end of the shaft , your prop . Successful long distance motoring is dramatically enhanced with the right one . This topic is so loaded and passions run so high that I will defer to your good sense to do your research and come to your own conclusions . For me I 've stuck with a fixed three bladed prop , the largest that makes sense and it appeals to my sense of simple . This in on our monohulls , the cat came with two adjustable pitch max props . When we first got her she was terribly over pitched with the engines not able to get over 2100 rpm . Again setting up props and deciding on the right pitch is way beyond the scope of this short story but is something you must understand and address . Once you get it right you will motor with confidence into wind and sea and be able to back up like a pro . Take the time . Back to motoring . . . . Enjoy it , for a few delightful years I had the opportunity to drive an Auckland New Zealand Harbor Ferry , the Osprey . Two BIG twin caterpillar diesel , great crew ( nod to Captains Kent , Gordon , Alan , John and Jackie ( stewardess who may actually read this if she finds it on FB ) , plenty of waterline , 24 knots at cruise . Three stories above the water , in the full beam pilot house , life couldn 't get better . We would dock thirty eight times a shift in all sorts of conditions and get to see the harbor in every mood and season . Did I mention three stories up and climate controlled ( sort of ) ? Flash forward to the fall of 2015 delivering a little forty footer ( Ohana 2 ) from Noank to Nassau . Out on Long Island Sound heading west into a brisk breeze , little Yanmar ticking away , foulies zipped up tight . As I listened to the engine hum " that " thought crossed my mind , as it crosses many seasoned sailors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . memories of the ferry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and the idea that perhaps it 's time to look for a Trawler ; - ) P . S . Speaking of Motoring Madison and I will be doing the same around the Bahamas from about January 25th 2017 to February 20th 2017 . If you see us do stop on by ! ! ! Now I have met folks cruising on an ultra budget who were doing a great job of it . A couple we met in Tonga come to mind . They were young and on a 40 some odd foot non - descript monohull . At the beach party in Vavauu , anchorage 14 , they were roasting some fish on the fire for their dinner . We had a great talk about their travels and " living off the land " . My wife 's cousin and his partner are another example . At a Christmas party two decades ago he asked me , with great enthusiasm coupled with little sailing experience , what kind of boat he could get cheap and sail offshore with . I thought about it and said " Crealock Dreadnaught 32 " and left it at that . A few months later he called and said he bought one ( I about fell of my chair ! ) , they left from Juneau Alaska with a 50lb bag of rice and a spear gun ( I 'm exaggerating , but not too much ) and ended up in Japan where they sold the boat . They went on to buy a 40 ' steel hull at a scrap yard , lived in it at the scrap yard while they " built it " . A year or two later took off again for Mexico , Hawaii , Midway ( where they worked for a year to build up their funds ) and then back to Alaska . He even built the MAST from a pipe ! ! ! These kind of folks can and do cruise on a budget of 500 . 00 per month . Now for the rest of us . . . . . . . . When I see an online post saying " I want to buy a $ 20 , 000 . 00 ocean going boat and cruise on 800 . 00 per month and I need to learn how to sail " I kind of wince . The advice that comes out on the chat room is good and it can be done , see the above , but is it likely ? The two examples earlier were of folks who lived off the land well before going cruising and who were predisposed to doing lots with very little . Those of us who come from fairly comfortable land based occupations with partners and children who are accustomed to certain " comforts " this notion of spending next to nothing each month generally ends prematurely and poorly . One day I was walking back to Ohana at Palm Harbor Marina in West Palm and saw a man sitting on the dock literally in tears . I walked up to ask if all was ok and struck up " the conversation " about what happened . This is not the first conversation like this I have had , in fact , had the same one just last year in Cape May with a man on a nice Pacific Seacraft Crealock 34 ( I detect a theme ) . The conversation goes something like this : " I 've dreamed of cruising my whole life . I read everything , researched everything , bought the boat and had a great couple of years outfitting her and fixing her up . Finally we decided to go and headed down to Florida in anticipation of sailing to the Bahamas and points south . Somewhere around Charleston my wife quit . She said it 's too . . . . . . . . . fill in all the " too 's " , too hot , expensive , cold , boring , terrifying , lonely , far from the kids , claustrophobic . . . . . . you get the idea . So here I am with my dream and I have to sell it . " The Cape May guy was more to the point of finances . He had done all of the same and had a VERY specific monthly budget . His transmission gave up in Cape May ( see upcoming post on " motoring " to know why ) and he literally could not afford to replace and nor afford to keep her at a dock or haul her out and store her . He was selling and he was having a fire sale . For a brief moment , as he told his story , I considered offering to help and pay for a transmission but as he kept talking I changed my mind . It would only be subsidizing what he was already ill prepared for and would just end a little further down the ditch . The point , for most folks , it 's going to " cost " a lot more than you think . Nothing makes me happier than to see folks out there really ENJOYING the life and not constantly on the wrong side of the ledger . Speaking of which I better get to work so we can go off sailing next week ! Have a blessed day all ! Early on we shared a boat with a good friend and sailed about six months a year ( he sailed the other six ) . Read earlier post " back story " for the details . Here 's the story . One afternoon I found myself sitting on a remote beach , Scarlett anchored just offshore with a Nordhavn 60 ' anchored nearby . We were the only two . We had brought the dinghy in for some afternoon exploring and a swim . Soon after we arrived the Nordhavn launched their tender ( we had a dinghy , they had a tender ) and they headed to our beach . I 've forgotten the man 's name but this scene played out many times over the years . We 'd say hello and each couple would begin to tell their story . He would be late 50 's to early 60 's . Second marriage and they were " living the dream " . Where from , where going , etc . After a few minutes the ladies would walk off to chat and we would sit down in the shade and talk a bit more . The next question would be " what do you do ? " I 'm sure you 've been there and you have your story . I 'd share ours . Given our tender ages there was some genuine interest in how we managed to get there and be able to spend several months " living the dream " . We would then proceed to share stories of business and finances and experiences . At some point in the conversation I would ask my question , what 's your best advice ? Being 30 years old on a beach with a man who has led his life is such an opportunity . On more than one occasion the advice would be similar to the advice the man from the 60 ' Nordhavn gave . Paul , see that boat there and my beautiful wife ? Yes . I would trade it all to have my family . You see Paul I worked 24 / 7 for twenty years to build my business . We were wildly successful . I provided every material want my family needed , all except one . . . . . . . . me . Time went by , divorce , estrangement from my children and now grandchildren . Paul , if you can , and it seems you might be able to , take the years your children are growing up and spend it with them . That was the advice and this happened on more than one occasion . Those days of childless wandering did come to a close . Scarlett was sold and we settled into life in Anchorage Alaska . We continued to grow our business , built a house , had our first daughter in 1998 . Our second arrived in 2001 . Those words stuck with me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . One day I came home from another 14 hour day to find my lovely wife sitting in our " playroom " staring at the world map ( that map sits behind me right now 15 years later ) . We had a conversation about " what we were doing and what we could do " . That advice , " take the years your children are growing up and spend it with them . " was ringing in my head . We then made the worst financial decision of our lives . Fifteen years later , thousands of ocean miles , residents of a new country , we still eat and travel and pay taxes . Are we as " wealthy " as we could have been ? Not by a long shot , but I 'm convinced if we stayed on the track we were on and failed to heed that wise advice , I would have ended up sitting on a beach giving advice to a young man to , if at all possible , " take those precious years that your family is growing up and spend it with them . " Blessings all . . . . . How often have you heard this ? Now I have always been a destination guy . Always " moving " towards some distant goal and the places in between were on " The Plan " . I never really thought much about this until this last month when I found myself with absolutely NO PLAN . Now Steve and Jim at Loggerhead Marina ( Highly recommend ) in Stuart did not like this as it really messes with the paperwork ! More on that shortly for those who dare to read this whole post . The rough plan this month was to come down to Florida for spring break with Madison our oldest . I was to fly down early and get the boat ready including all new mast and rigging with some golf thrown in . Madison would fly down solo for her first time and together we would spend 10 days " doing our thing " . Well the rigging and mast plan went great and when she arrived we sat down to come up with " The Plan " . We had nothing : - ) The decision was made to sail out and see what the conditions dictated and take it from there . This is new territory for dear Captain and honestly , was kind of refreshing . Rather than some epic goal we would just go . So on Wednesday morning we dropped lines , pumped the poop and let Steve and Jim know we were leaving for good , or not . We headed out Stuart inlet and turned ESE for West End Bahamas ( habit ) . About 20 miles out and well into the Gulf Stream Madison said " I 'd really like to have ice cream at Sloans " . See we purchased Ohana 1 ( the cat ) in West Palm Beach in 2002 ( Madison was 4 at the time ) and spent the better part of two years in and out of Palm Harbor Marina as we prepared her for the Caribbean and Pacific . West Palm holds many fond memories : Two Girls Pizza , Clematis Street , The " Fountain " where the kids could play and Sloans Ice Cream . But what about " The Plan " ? ? ? There was none ! We turned to the South West , a pod of dolphins joined us and off we went to get ice cream . Now I had visions of waking to a Bahamas sunrise in West End and working our way to Marsh Harbor , leaving the boat there . We ended up visiting the Four Arts and med ( See Photo Gallery for lots of Pics ) I walked past the mega yachts that surrounded little Ohana at the Viaduct Marina in Auckland . One in particular , I 've forgotten the name , stood out . I looked at the table set on the afterdeck , it was spectacular . Three crew members were in attendance , the guests soon to arrive . . . . . . . . . . . . . lighting perfect , settings perfect . . . . . . . . . . . . what were they going to discuss , I would never know . At first I thought about the " consumption . " Who needs all that , how did they " get " it , why does it matter ? To be honest I had a bit of envy along with a bit of curiosity . So much . . . . . . . . why ? I thought about it . I would have loved to have been a fly on that wall . Here 's what I came up with : The conversations that take place around a table are the fuel . The people that contribute are the engine . If we 're blessed we can enjoy many evenings with many people who make our lives richer and fuller for having sat there . The photo gallery on this blog home page entitled " Happy Hours " captures a few of these evenings we had the honor to enjoy aboard Ohana . I have a feeling that if a boat might be a measure of one 's material success , the quality of the conversations around those tables , such as the yacht I was looking at , might be a good measure of a one 's hospitality , curiosity and inquisitiveness . So that gets us back to our humble little table . It is easy for a man to look " up " to bigger and better . Our " table " wasn 't on a mega yacht but for us may as well have been . It has entertained a wide variety of characters from all over the world . Who would have thought a boy and girl from humble beginnings in New York and Alaska would sit with corporate giants , financiers , pastors , hippies , singers , actors , tech moguls , eccentrics , escapists . . . . . . . . . . . the list goes on . It all happened around our little table . Speaking of " happy hour " I 've had a few so will sign off early . Invite people . . . . . . . . . . . . . they make it oh so colorful . One last story . This fall I was sailing south and found myself in Sandy Hook ( Atlantic Highlands NJ ) . Earlier in the day the engine died and was an afternoon of back and forth to NAPA to sort things out . At first I hitched a ride with a local , his wife and brother in law . I realized soon after that NAPA was a short walk and made several trips back and forth as I diagnosed the problem . It 's part of the deal and those folks were great ! Well 6pm was rolling around and I was sitting in the cockpit looking around and a noticed a dinghy going boat to boat inviting people over for happy hour . I thought " I 'd like to have happy hour " but kept my hand down . Well Scott came by Ohana and invited me ! I hopped aboard and soon realized his other passenger was the fellow who drove me to NAPA ! We ended up aboard Tamure and enjoyed a great evening with every single hander in the harbor along with Scott and Kitty who it turns out are a bit of legends in the sailing world . Their boat was a living museum . Check out their site for Tamure by clicking on the link . Along with these two links Great Escape and Atlantic Circle We sat in the cockpit around their " table " and as the evening progressed moved down below . It was magic . They took the time to invite and that is an encouragement to me to do the same . At times I resist but I know that all that is good occurs around that place , the table . CruisersForum has a lot of questions regarding storm tactics with Catamarans . I have to confess I asked many of the same when we first bought Ohana and went as far as purchasing a monster parachute anchor which we carried all over the Caribbean and Pacific . We never deployed it . This is my stab at answering , at least , how we did it . The question is always " what were the worst conditions you were ever in . " That answer is a four hour period between Tonga and New Zealand in 2005 where we were averaging 16 knots in some pretty big seas . The video above is from a trip to Tonga in 2010 with the aforementioned Vito onboard . It looks rough but the boat could handle that and much more . That was pretty much it . Of the tens of thousands of miles I 've covered those four hours and 60 some odd miles were the most lively . The 2005 experience ? Well later on I 'll discuss my philosophy of sailing " with the storm " , suffice it to say we were doing just that and the wind was off our quarter where we wanted it and the seas were with us so to speak . . . . and they were big . Reef early ( that 's a tip ) , and we had , but even with a triple reef in the main and a handkerchief of jib out we were FLYING and it was loud . The sound a big cat makes going over 10 knots is like living in a waterfall . Going 15 - 16 is a whole other story . Down each wave she accelerates and it was those few moments at the bottom where I had pause . Bows please come up . . . . . . . . . and each time they would and I would say " elevator up ! " This went on for four hours or so as we ducked under the lower part of the system on our way south . That was the most tense I 've been while offshore . Believe it or not the girls played quietly on the deck in the main salon and Becky looked up every now and then and asked if we were ok , amazing . Disclaimer : The advise here is free and you get what you pay for . Take it for it is , know your boat well and be honest about your skill set . I would also equip much differently for sailing in high latitudes or off season . The other thing I 've learned is the boat can take a lot more than the crew . We were in conditions like the video for several days after leaving Opua , several large monohulls actually turned back . Ohana kept skipping along . One night Garth , who was along for his first offshore passage , wanted to go on deck and put one final reef in . My advise to him was " nothing good cPoint 3 - I 'm scratching my chin here . All that comes to mind is how important it is to know your personal limits and not put your crew or yourself in a situation you or the boat are not truly prepared to handle . That and DO NOT sail on a schedule if at all possible . This is about catamarans and if you 've read this far you probably own one so here is the final dirty little secret , they all slam ( some more than others ) , they all take 15 knots of wind to really get moving and none of them really go to weather nor should they . All the more reason to sail the fronts in my opinion and keep her moving , when the wind falls below 10 knots and the boat slows to 4 time to kick on an engine . Time to hit the sack internet friends ! Have a blessed day and many happy and safe miles . I am the most unlikely Hunter owner . Back in the " day " selling boats was the game and Hunter was a big no - no . I was a Hunter Snob with no real reason to be so , short of a little conversation at a boat show . I was actually looking at the Hunters and commenting on how nice they were for the money . At twenty some odd years old what did I know ? Let 's call him Crusty , the broker who had taken me under his wing , said " boat show boat " . That was all it took to turn me off to Hunters . Three words . What does " boat show boat " mean ? Basically a boat the wife likes at the boat show , huge interiors , ticks all the boxes , priced well and falls apart after a few years in the Florida sun . Soon after , as a young yacht broker , I actually sold a Hunter and it looked just like Crusty described , weather beaten and tired . Tied up behind a house in Port Orange Florida we limped it up to Seven Seas Marina in Daytona for haul out and inspection . All I believed about Hunters seemed to be true . That was the last I thought of Hunters until I met Vito but , before we introduce this character , one has to ask why was I looking for a boat like a Hunter in the first place . I wasn 't . This past Alaska winter our oldest daughter looked at me and said " Dad , what good is all this experience if you don 't share it ? " followed with , " can we get a boat and just you and I spend the summer sailing together . " Annie get your gun ! I was off to the races . This coincided with an article in Cruising Outpost issue # 8 entitled " The Whole Nine Yards " the story of two girls , a dog , a cat and a 27 ' boat ( support Bob Bitchin and buy the mag , it 's worth the eight bucks ) . That question and article set the Berger wheels in motion . Let 's find a small " beater boat " , not too fancy and easily handled by one or two . Something the girls could grow into and make it their own should they have the desire . The usual suspects came to mind , Catalina 30 , J 30 , C & C 30 or up a little to the 35 ' range . After a good talk with long suffering wife ( who , bless her heart , generally supports a good ole adventure after the idea has a little time to marinate ) gave her approval and I began the search . Now there is a whole other post on buying boats and I wrote it a few days ago and it was summarily VAPORIZED by sailblogs . Here is the cliff note version : Know that as you look " the one " will likely show up and don 't be afraid to buy it . That 's basically it . The " one " is easier to see after you 've been on a few and start to get a feel for what 's out there . In the case of this project the size quickly grew to 40 ' as we adjusted and thought about family vacations with all four of us and the prospect of having a relatively inexpensive floating condo . Fair enough and in our experience 40 ' still met the expectation of being easily handled by one or two . I flew into Annapolis late April and started the hunt . This took me from Deltaville Virginia as far north as Westport Connecticut . I looked at Beneteaus , Catalina , Jenneaus and two newer Hunters . Nothing was " clicking " although the Hunters were cool they had the new B & R rigs ( no backstay ) and one had the expected deck leaks that I had been warned of . Remember Vito ? Picture a Sicilian bull dog with a heart of gold . We met Vito , Madeline and their daughter Amanda in Bora Bora back in 2005 . At the time they were aboard Wanderer , a beautiful and capable Amel 53 . My father was onboard Ohana , he had grown up in the Bronx and worked in New York City for most of his career . As soon as he heard Vito 's deep Italian voice on the VHF he had to meet him . Kind of a cross between CarTalk and a Corleone . Just made you feel safe and nervous at the same time . Now Vito and I became quick friends and have remained so for over a decade . I TRUST him and value his opinion and on one topic in particular he was adamant and unwavering . . . . . . . . . . . . Hunter Legends . As soon as I mentioned this idea of a small beater boat for the east coast he said " Paully , you got ta look at da Hunter Legend ! " He had one for over a decade ( two actually if memory serves , a 37 ' and a 40 . 5 ) and just would not stop raving about the boat . I still had my 1987 snob hat on and kept politely deferring . Finally , I broke , as nothing was really feeling right on my search so far . I located a Hunter Legend 40 . 5 on the Eastern Shore of Maryland and invested the time to drive over onI met the broker and we trudged out against the north wind and as I walked up to Hunter Legend 40 . 5 for the first time the thing that struck me was that she was big . Just big compared to all the other 40 's I had been looking at . She had a 7 / 8th fractional rig which you J sailors know is a great set up for short handed sailing and powerful . The cockpit had a cutout transom ( wife request ) and there were hatches galore ! What 's going on here , it must leak like a sieve . We climbed aboard ( they have a high freeboard and are beamy which explains the interior volume ) and I mean climbed . Slid open the companionway hatch and I was just blown away by the cabin , oh my goodness , I was falling into the " boat show boat " trap ! This boat was twenty years old however and had not yet melted as Crusty had promised , good sign . A 50hp Yanmar diesel - yea , tons of cabinet space , plenty of light , a well laid out galley , two heads . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Vito was right , this boat was incredible . There must be a catch . With that many opening hatches let 's look for leaks , there were none . This particular boat was poorly maintained and run hard . The bones though looked great and it was time to find all the Hunter 40 . 5s on the East Coast and have a real look . That took an evening with Yachtworld along with one more drive up and down the coast looking at four examples of the boat . I had evidently seen the worst of the lot first and the other three I found were all in terrific condition . All were mid 90 's boats with light use and well maintained . The last of the bunch had an offer on it already and was a tri - cabin which I felt was superior with a family and left a cabin just for storing stuff . At first it was off the list given its pending sale put that sale fell through and I was able to finally get onboard . She was " the one " , you just know it . I have to thank Cherie Startner of Great Blue Yachts for just calling . I bugged her about the boat for a few days while the Annapolis Boat show was going on ( she was in the middle of it and having done So here we are Hunter owners . . . . . . . . . . who would have thought ? At this point we 've put about 3000 plus miles on her in a variety of conditions from Nantucket to Nassau . She has proved to be fast , seaworthy , comfortable at the dock and anchor as well as very easy to handle . That 's the story . I think at the end of the day whatever boat you find yourself in will work for almost anything . What they take is care , feeding and love . . . . . . . . . . . perhaps that 's the part you feel . . . . . . the love . I 've been thinking back over all of our passages over the years . There are several themes to each one , let 's call them the " life of a passage " . It starts ( the actual passage ) with dropping the lines . Everything before this moment is safe and predictable . See Madison 's blog entitled " Phase 2 " ( http : / / captain - andthekid . blogspot . com / 2015 / 05 / phase - 2 . html ) . I 'll copy the text below and save you the cut and paste . She talks about the provisioning , fixing , storing , preparing , reading , talking . . . . . . . . . . every fun thing we do before leaving on an extended passage . Dropping the lines though . . . . . . . taking off into the unknown . That 's another story . The worst time for me was leaving the Galapagos for the longest passage of our life , the 3000nm to the Marquesas . The first 48 hours were torture . All was fine on the boat , all were happy , just the feeling in the pit of my stomach . All the " what ifs " , they were real and turning around was not an option . That time passed and we developed a routine and those 18 days were some of the best memories of our cruising life . Those first 48 were part of it . Recently I found myself at Spicer 's Marina in Noank Connecticut about to take of on a solo delivery to Florida . Prior to leaving Becky said in no uncertain terms , " if you change your mind just don 't go , no biggie " . I had been in New England for a week or so at that point . Had made the Costco runs , visited Vito and Madeline from Wanderer , met all the neighbors on the dock and had begun to develop the marina friendships that sprout up quickly among our community . That Saturday was shaping up to be like many Saturdays on G pier at Spicers . The party boat was setting up across the dock and the beer was already flowing . The weekend " wash the boat " crowds were washing and the fisherman were cleaning fish . A BBQ was being set up on the dock and I was having a ball talking with everyone , asking questions , listening to stories , telling stories , the usual . The idea of leaving was just the furthest thing from my mind . . . . . . . . . . . . and the closest . For ( the picture for this post is from that day just after getting the autopilot working and heading over to Fisher 's Island ) A lot has happened over the course of 24 hours for us . Phase 2 is in motion and it hit hard today . What is phase 1 you ask ? Sit down mortals , grab some trail mix , let me explain . Phase 1 of sailing is getting on board , cleaning the boat , stocking the boat , provisioning , driving around boating supply stores in a rental car , learning how the toilets work , fixing the engine , buying silverware and kitcheny stuff , febreezing the heck out of everything , the list goes on . Believe it or not learning how toilets work on a boat is a very hard concept for most people to wrap their heads around . When I was a little girl and someone new would come onboard , before anything at all I would give them a tour of the boat and teach them how the toilets worked . That stuff is witchcraft man . Phase 1 of sailing is super important because if your boat isn 't organised and clean and everyone on board isn 't prepared , certified and educated on why turning off lights is so important , you probably aren 't ready for phase 2 . We 've spent a good week in phase 1 . The time we 've spent running through the isles of West Marine , Home Depot and Fawcett 's boat store , is crazy . You 'd think we were part time owners by now . Phase 2 is where stuff gets real . You leave the marina and get a mooring . The boat starts rocking . You 're seasick . You walk around in your underwear . This is when you know there 's no turning back . Today I knew it was phase 2 because when I woke up my dad was gone , and my little boatie kid instincts said to make breakfast . Not to do any phase 1 stuff , just jump right into boat life and start the day because I know we had some sailing ahead of us . I made my dad spam and eggs and I made a bowl of pineapple for myself . When I was a kid spam was like a gift from God . Kel and I would smell spam in the morning and we knew it was someones birthday or Jesus had come back or something . My sister and I held spam on the highest pedestal in terms of breakfast foods . I realised today my childhood was a lie and spam is just dog food strategically placAfter cabin inspection and the kitchen and boat was all clean , my dad 's friend and the boatyard manager , Ted came over to help fix our engine . He talked to us for a long , long time about life and politics and the history of the city . He 's lived here for most of his life and he told us when he was a kid black people would live underneath the tiniest abandoned boats that were just left there on the side of the creek . They would crab all day , cook fish at night , and just raise their kids and live their lives . He said they were the nicest people and would always talk to him and his friends when they walked the creek like Huckleberry Finn or something . Keep in mind , this was a totally different time in history . The black people would flip the boats over so they could use them as shelter and a place to sleep . Eventually , in the immancipation proclamation , Abe Lincoln gave that land away to the black people . The white people didn 't want it because of the bugs . What a bunch of wimpies . Ted was a cool guy to listen to . The people you meet sailing are really the folks you 'll remember your entire life . I have friends my age and I have some amazing people in my day to day life but the characters I really remember are the weirdos you run into on the water . I don 't see them all the time , and I may never see them again in my life but I 'll never forget the people I met as a kid cruising . We still have life long friends from Norway , England , all over America , and every corner of the planet . Not a lot are my age and I can 't relate to any of them that well but learning about other people 's lives and stories is really a gift and if you have the chance to talk to people , especially travelling I highly recommend it . My dad and I drove to do a couple more errands to finish off the tedious and draining phase 1 . We dropped off the rental car and got a taxi back to the boat yard . I can 't stand taxis , it 's like paying someone to kidnap you and your family . They might as well just carry candy with them , give you the whole experience . We got back to the boatyard and took off . We just sailed to downtown Annapolis and there were tons of boats out . It 's a total sailing town , every single person that lives there owns a boat or at least works or crews on one . I didn 't get behind the wheel , I just took care of lines and tying the boat on and off . When we finally approached the mooring my dad left getting the boat on the mooring up to me which wasn 't too scary until we got up close to it . The notion that I 'd never done this before kicked in and I was really nervous I was going to fall overboard or ya know , miss the mooring . I got the line on the boat on the first try though . It was pretty neat . If I accomplished anything this Summer , it was that . I took a stellar nap . My dad tried like crazy to inflate the dingy but nothing was working . Our pump looked like something you would get at party and craft and it was killing him trying to blow this . . thing up . I woke up when it started getting dark outside and there was another guy in the cockpit with my dad . Turns out the boat next to us was from Wasilla , Alaska . I know , the world is so little . Once again , you meet the nicest people sailing . He talked to us about his life , and how he went to Wasilla high and some stuff about politics . Everyone talks about politics with my dad and I . Anyway , this guy , Nick brought a better dingy pump and helped us blow up the dingy and get it in the water . He blogs too . Check out knoticalnic . wordpress . com . I knew knot puns weren 't lame . My dad and I caught the water taxi into town to have some dinner and catch some of the Saturday night action . The city of Annapolis is crazy at night . It 's filled with drunk , white people . Kind of like a family get together at my uncle Jason 's house . We walked the streets and got some sweet tea and dinner at the cutest little diner . I 'm a tea conniosseur and I 'm all about sweet tea but sweet tea in the South is on a whole different level . This was like 90 % sugar . It was diabetes in the cup . I could feel my mom in Alaska screaming . It 's about 12 : 30am here now . I 'm wide awake and I probably will be for a long while . I have a lot on my mind . The one thing about blogging that makes me feel annoying is that it 's mostly or all about my life and experiences . Which is okay , I understand the only people reading this are probably a little curious as to what a 17 year old girl on a boat gets up to on the daily . I cherish people that take time to tell me they read what I write and they find it interesting or funny . My favorite thing is when other people or my friends tell me about their day and what 's going on in their lives so if you do things doing your day , or don 't do things feel free to message me on any site you please and tell me about it . I 'm on a boat , I have a lot of free time to listen . And I love doing so . Even when my nana writes to tell me about her garden club , or my friends back home tell me about their drunk camping trips , I love it . I soak that stuff up . Tell me about your awkward first dance , tell me about what you want to do in the future , tell me about how you picked up 5 cats on the side of the road and your mom said you can 't keep them but they lived in your closet for a week because you couldn 't part with them . Because that 's someone 's life and it 's cool to be apart of that . People are such complex beings , and the day to day stuff that makes up their entire exitence is super cool to hear about . The connections you make , you could have for your entire life . All I do on this blog is tell you about the little bits and peices that I do everyday on the boat , and people seem to read it . I looked at the stats yesterday which is wild considering I can barely work the oven by myself . I 'm like an old lady trying to use an iphone for the first time , I swear . I 'm not as technologically savvy as I seem . Trying to use google maps on my phone is like trying to navigate the mars rover for me . My friends can testify . Anyway , It said over 400 people looked at this blog just yesterday , which kind of freaks me out but it encourages me that people Hugs and kisses from the sea , xo Started this back in 2008 and abandoned quickly for other options . Time has gone by and we 're back ! After many adventures across the Caribbean and Pacific aboard Ohana we are back on it aboard Ohana II . The idea was to find a simple inexpensive boat that Madison and Kelsey could sail . [ . . . ] Also to spend time exploring the East coast and Bahamas and basically getting back to the basics Becky and I enjoyed upon Scarlett . Hope you enjoy ! Also Check out captain - andthekid @ blogspot . com for Madison 's blog : - )
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Posted on May 11 , 2017 by sharktoothsweater 3 There is not really much to say about my life , nothing much happens . Maybe that 's the problem . Or maybe not . I look in the mirror . I see someone who is fat . I am not really fat fat , but fat enough to not be thin . Sometimes I see myself , and all I can think is , how could I be this way ? Why can 't I manage to keep myself in a better condition ? Why am I so fat ? Look at yourself , look , there you see someone who does not have a good stamina . I look better when I 'm more thin , my clothes fit nicer , etc . Yet why I keep failing to change my life ? I can 't be really positive about the future . I don 't really look forward to anything . I 'm scared a bit , yeah , but I don 't let that be the reason not to do anything . Things just don 't make sense . I don 't feel a drive , a motivation , it 's just ' doesn 't really matter , does it ? " I really tried . Tried to be a part of this world - but I seem to fail . I 'm useless , I can 't keep up with the pace and the things , I can 't do 100 times at the same time and work and buy a house and exercise and going out and doing all the things like groceries and fun things and enjoy and stuff . It 's too much , I just can 't . At my work , I don 't mean anything either . I 'm just a number , and some part you can exchange without missing anything . Posted on March 24 , 2017 by sharktoothsweater Reply Like usual after work , I take the train home . Yesterday I was happy to be off a bit earlier since I didn 't feel so great , and I took the train home . Yet this trainride , which usually takes 20 minutes , took 2 , 5 hours almost . I was in a train that hit a person . The person did not survive . I don 't know if it was suicide or an accident , but I know the railwaycrossing is a ' closed ' one ; with those bars . And they were down . Suddenly the train started to brake - but against these things I guess you can 't stop in time . There was a hit , and a lot of other sounds . It was obvious we hit something ; and The train stopped . Moments of silence . The traindriver giving the message , with a trembled voice : we just hit a person . We 're going to see if we can give first aid . But first aid with a hit like that , I guess the chance of survival isn 't much . All I could think of is that whoever was under the train , had no chance of survival . And that I later learned , was the truth . After standing on the railway in the middle of nowhere for a long time , with a lot of firemen , police and other people who ' clean it up ' , we were escorted out of the train to a bus that came to pick us up . We had to walk along the track into the direction of the actual hit . I didn 't want to look - I didn 't want to see anything more than I already saw . I guess I was afraid to see things , I mean , it was still a real person , and his or her life just ended in one or two seconds , and I was a witness of that . I heard , I felt , and I know . That 's such a strange thing to know . Boom , a life away in a flash . Just gone , poof , just like that . I feel sorry . Sorry for that person . Sorry for the relatives , friends , beloved ones . Sorry for the traindriver , who saw way more then I did . Sorry for the people who saw it . It 's maybe cruel to say , but I did wonder before how it 's like when things like this happen . I never really wanted to found out , these are not the things you would like to witness . But now I know anyway . The way it goes , the sounds , the feelings . The sensations . I had cold chills on my back while walking to the bus . It 's true that I was sick yesterday evening and during the night , now I 'm not really sick sick and I slept , the whole thing didn 't keep me from sleeping . I don 't seem to feel particularly bad or something . But I was just not capable of going to work this morning . Now I took care of myself right before getting real sick ; but it makes me feel guilty . And I know how that doesn 't make sense . I feel weak , like I 'm a person with a weak immune system , with lower energy levels , who calls in sick too quickly . In this world , it doesn 't seem to be about wellbeing . Yet I don 't really get why I know I should not feel guilty , I still do . I seem to always have to be able to operate . And a moment like the train accident just makes me think : is it really worth it ? Is it so bad to have to stop for a moment ? Posted on March 2 , 2017 by sharktoothsweater Reply Honestly , I guess I have to admit I don 't have much ' life ' . It 's one of these days again that everything is empty and life seems an endless torture to me . I 'm sad , empty and angry at the same time , and yet nothing at all . Life is just not for everyone . To have a house , to lead a peaceful life , that 's just not for everyone . Like a pebblestone that needs water to bounce , I 'm like a pebblestone that ended up in the desert . You just fall , and sink away in the sand : that 's me . Somehow it 's a rough time again . Family issues , and the more I think about it , the more sick I feel . Emotional traps , nasty games , and even if I 'm not super close , it affects me more then I would like to admit . And I feel so sorry for my parents , who are hugely affected by it . When I was younger I was angry at them so many times . And now I understand it better . Some things you just don 't see when you 're young . That they were trapped and part of an unfair , nasty game . I feel sorry for them that their lives are so destroyed and affected . It 's bad to say , but I hope they will be finally free when the person who does that and who is left , dies . That 's terrible to say I realize and know . Yet I 'm afraid I think it would really be that way , though they will not ever be free from it : some damage is done forever . Work was also pretty shitty , it gets worse . I can 't even find the words for it to describe what is going on . But I feel tension going up and up , I feel more pressure and I feel like I 'm falling apart . I doubt about things I should not doubt , and I think I do my work less good . I drag myself at home . I wait for the train , stare in the emptiness of the station , even when it 's full of people . I sit on the train , feeling braindead . I drag myself home ; trying to slalom between cars and bikes and walking people who all seem to be in such a hurry and seem to rule the world , where 's there no space for empty people like me . I hide myself in bed and when the night falls , I go out to the grocery store . Immediatly when you walk in , the neon signs and advertisements jump into your sights . I get superannoyed by that lately ; it 's too much . With a task that 's not so difficult ; get your groceries together but feels like running a survivalrun , I dissapear into the night again , trying to avoid every other living human being and try to get home as soon as I can , to crawl away in my cave again . I don 't want to face anyone or anything anymore , I just want to be left alone , and yet my heart aches so badly that I don 't know what to do about it . I feel awful , I 'm not hungry and I don 't pick up my phone when someone calls . Posted on February 13 , 2017 by sharktoothsweater 1 Today I found myself in a weird situation . I got off the train and was doubting to take the bus to work , but since it was sunny and movement is better , I decided to walk . I pass two traincrossings on the way to work . Today on one of them , I saw a boy , just standing there . First I passed , but something didn 't feel right . I don 't know why , but my stomach felt really weird . So I stopped walking and looked back . He was still there . I assume he was around fourteen or something , but I 'm bad in guessing ages , so maybe that was not right . But anyway , that 's not a place to stay and chill . I stayed there for a little while , to observe him . Maybe that 's freaky , I don 't know . It 's a busy crossing and every one else in the car , on the bike or on foot seemed to be in their own worlds , no one noticing the boy . He sat on the fence ; with his legs on the railway side . Trains drive there on full speed . He seemed not good to me somehow . I also know there 's a mental health centre close , so I don 't know , but it seemed not really okay to me . While doubting what to do , I tried to collect my guts and ask him if he was okay . I felt my heartrate going up . But I walked up to him and asked . He looked at me a bit distant , saying he was fine . I don 't know , what are you supposed to say in situations like this ? Maybe I say the wrong things , maybe I ask the wrong questions . I don 't know . I asked if he was okay and if he needed help . He said that he was okay . I didn 't really believe him , so I also said something like that I felt bad because I saw him hanging around the railwaycrossing . He said again : no , there 's nothing . I said take good care of yourself , gave him a friendly slap on his shoulder and moved . He walked away a bit further , but still close around the railwaycrossing . Still this terrible feeling in my stomach . I was standing there , tying to decide what to do . If he would try to jump in front of a train I would be able to stop him I guess , but that 's not a solution because I couldn 't stay all the time at that place . So I called the police and told them the story , and that I was not sure what to do . They said they send out a car . So I stayed there , just to make sure that he wouldn 't walk or stand on the crossing . And waiting for the police to talk to them . ( I think the boy noticed that I was waiting , and he saw the police car coming , and then started to walk away from the railway . ) I spoke with the officers , telling them everything above . They said that they would go talk to him and check , and thanked me for the phonecall . I was late at work ( but I called to say why so that was fine ) . But I felt superweird . It touched something inside of me I guess , because I had suicidal thoughts in the past - so I don 't know , something of his look or behaviour reminded me of that . At work - my work sucks with certain things , but with this they seem to be really nice - there were a few people ' waiting ' for me , to check and talk because they heard why I was coming in late . Not that it solves anything , but it was still nice , to know that they were there . I guess I did the right thing ; I couldn 't have lived with myself if I wouldn 't have stopped and check , and hear in the news later that someone died because of jumping in front of a train there . I hope the boy isn 't angry on me now , and that he understands when it was a false alarm . But I guess it 's better that he is pissed off with me then when he would really be so bad and no one would have cared . I still find it weird that in the time I observed , no one , seemed to notice . Or no one seemed to care . No one seemed to find it weird . I just wonder , about that . Right now , I 'm not having the best time of my life . I always have these periods , and I will always have them . I don 't believe they will ever dissapear . Because the not sleeping aka insomnia continued , and I really felt like I would break down , I went to the doctor . I have a new one , since I moved , and he 's a bit weird in some ways I guess , I 'm not sure I feel comfortable with him . He prescribed me some sleeping pills - which is actually what I came for . Last night was the first night I slept again , not enough , but at least I slept . Stress . Stuff . Life . Work . All the usual things , I guess . And , life is just difficult for me . I find life difficult , and it might probably always stay that way . What he could do for me ? I said that I knew he can 't fix my problems . That I know no one can fix my problems , and that some things can 't be fixed . All I wanted was sleep , and so I needed medication now , and he is the key to that . I 'm not feeling better , I 'm feeling low . Just low , not even depressed . But all that I know is that some things , can not be fixed . Not now , not in the past , not in the future .
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Posted on May 11 , 2017 by sharktoothsweater 3 There is not really much to say about my life , nothing much happens . Maybe that 's the problem . Or maybe not . I look in the mirror . I see someone who is fat . I am not really fat fat , but fat enough to not be thin . Sometimes I see myself , and all I can think is , how could I be this way ? Why can 't I manage to keep myself in a better condition ? Why am I so fat ? Look at yourself , look , there you see someone who does not have a good stamina . I look better when I 'm more thin , my clothes fit nicer , etc . Yet why I keep failing to change my life ? I can 't be really positive about the future . I don 't really look forward to anything . I 'm scared a bit , yeah , but I don 't let that be the reason not to do anything . Things just don 't make sense . I don 't feel a drive , a motivation , it 's just ' doesn 't really matter , does it ? " I really tried . Tried to be a part of this world - but I seem to fail . I 'm useless , I can 't keep up with the pace and the things , I can 't do 100 times at the same time and work and buy a house and exercise and going out and doing all the things like groceries and fun things and enjoy and stuff . It 's too much , I just can 't . At my work , I don 't mean anything either . I 'm just a number , and some part you can exchange without missing anything . Posted on March 24 , 2017 by sharktoothsweater Reply Like usual after work , I take the train home . Yesterday I was happy to be off a bit earlier since I didn 't feel so great , and I took the train home . Yet this trainride , which usually takes 20 minutes , took 2 , 5 hours almost . I was in a train that hit a person . The person did not survive . I don 't know if it was suicide or an accident , but I know the railwaycrossing is a ' closed ' one ; with those bars . And they were down . Suddenly the train started to brake - but against these things I guess you can 't stop in time . There was a hit , and a lot of other sounds . It was obvious we hit something ; and The train stopped . Moments of silence . The traindriver giving the message , with a trembled voice : we just hit a person . We 're going to see if we can give first aid . But first aid with a hit like that , I guess the chance of survival isn 't much . All I could think of is that whoever was under the train , had no chance of survival . And that I later learned , was the truth . After standing on the railway in the middle of nowhere for a long time , with a lot of firemen , police and other people who ' clean it up ' , we were escorted out of the train to a bus that came to pick us up . We had to walk along the track into the direction of the actual hit . I didn 't want to look - I didn 't want to see anything more than I already saw . I guess I was afraid to see things , I mean , it was still a real person , and his or her life just ended in one or two seconds , and I was a witness of that . I heard , I felt , and I know . That 's such a strange thing to know . Boom , a life away in a flash . Just gone , poof , just like that . I feel sorry . Sorry for that person . Sorry for the relatives , friends , beloved ones . Sorry for the traindriver , who saw way more then I did . Sorry for the people who saw it . It 's maybe cruel to say , but I did wonder before how it 's like when things like this happen . I never really wanted to found out , these are not the things you would like to witness . But now I know anyway . The way it goes , the sounds , the feelings . The sensations . I had cold chills on my back while walking to the bus . It 's true that I was sick yesterday evening and during the night , now I 'm not really sick sick and I slept , the whole thing didn 't keep me from sleeping . I don 't seem to feel particularly bad or something . But I was just not capable of going to work this morning . Now I took care of myself right before getting real sick ; but it makes me feel guilty . And I know how that doesn 't make sense . I feel weak , like I 'm a person with a weak immune system , with lower energy levels , who calls in sick too quickly . In this world , it doesn 't seem to be about wellbeing . Yet I don 't really get why I know I should not feel guilty , I still do . I seem to always have to be able to operate . And a moment like the train accident just makes me think : is it really worth it ? Is it so bad to have to stop for a moment ? Posted on March 2 , 2017 by sharktoothsweater Reply Honestly , I guess I have to admit I don 't have much ' life ' . It 's one of these days again that everything is empty and life seems an endless torture to me . I 'm sad , empty and angry at the same time , and yet nothing at all . Life is just not for everyone . To have a house , to lead a peaceful life , that 's just not for everyone . Like a pebblestone that needs water to bounce , I 'm like a pebblestone that ended up in the desert . You just fall , and sink away in the sand : that 's me . Somehow it 's a rough time again . Family issues , and the more I think about it , the more sick I feel . Emotional traps , nasty games , and even if I 'm not super close , it affects me more then I would like to admit . And I feel so sorry for my parents , who are hugely affected by it . When I was younger I was angry at them so many times . And now I understand it better . Some things you just don 't see when you 're young . That they were trapped and part of an unfair , nasty game . I feel sorry for them that their lives are so destroyed and affected . It 's bad to say , but I hope they will be finally free when the person who does that and who is left , dies . That 's terrible to say I realize and know . Yet I 'm afraid I think it would really be that way , though they will not ever be free from it : some damage is done forever . Work was also pretty shitty , it gets worse . I can 't even find the words for it to describe what is going on . But I feel tension going up and up , I feel more pressure and I feel like I 'm falling apart . I doubt about things I should not doubt , and I think I do my work less good . I drag myself at home . I wait for the train , stare in the emptiness of the station , even when it 's full of people . I sit on the train , feeling braindead . I drag myself home ; trying to slalom between cars and bikes and walking people who all seem to be in such a hurry and seem to rule the world , where 's there no space for empty people like me . I hide myself in bed and when the night falls , I go out to the grocery store . Immediatly when you walk in , the neon signs and advertisements jump into your sights . I get superannoyed by that lately ; it 's too much . With a task that 's not so difficult ; get your groceries together but feels like running a survivalrun , I dissapear into the night again , trying to avoid every other living human being and try to get home as soon as I can , to crawl away in my cave again . I don 't want to face anyone or anything anymore , I just want to be left alone , and yet my heart aches so badly that I don 't know what to do about it . I feel awful , I 'm not hungry and I don 't pick up my phone when someone calls . Posted on February 13 , 2017 by sharktoothsweater 1 Today I found myself in a weird situation . I got off the train and was doubting to take the bus to work , but since it was sunny and movement is better , I decided to walk . I pass two traincrossings on the way to work . Today on one of them , I saw a boy , just standing there . First I passed , but something didn 't feel right . I don 't know why , but my stomach felt really weird . So I stopped walking and looked back . He was still there . I assume he was around fourteen or something , but I 'm bad in guessing ages , so maybe that was not right . But anyway , that 's not a place to stay and chill . I stayed there for a little while , to observe him . Maybe that 's freaky , I don 't know . It 's a busy crossing and every one else in the car , on the bike or on foot seemed to be in their own worlds , no one noticing the boy . He sat on the fence ; with his legs on the railway side . Trains drive there on full speed . He seemed not good to me somehow . I also know there 's a mental health centre close , so I don 't know , but it seemed not really okay to me . While doubting what to do , I tried to collect my guts and ask him if he was okay . I felt my heartrate going up . But I walked up to him and asked . He looked at me a bit distant , saying he was fine . I don 't know , what are you supposed to say in situations like this ? Maybe I say the wrong things , maybe I ask the wrong questions . I don 't know . I asked if he was okay and if he needed help . He said that he was okay . I didn 't really believe him , so I also said something like that I felt bad because I saw him hanging around the railwaycrossing . He said again : no , there 's nothing . I said take good care of yourself , gave him a friendly slap on his shoulder and moved . He walked away a bit further , but still close around the railwaycrossing . Still this terrible feeling in my stomach . I was standing there , tying to decide what to do . If he would try to jump in front of a train I would be able to stop him I guess , but that 's not a solution because I couldn 't stay all the time at that place . So I called the police and told them the story , and that I was not sure what to do . They said they send out a car . So I stayed there , just to make sure that he wouldn 't walk or stand on the crossing . And waiting for the police to talk to them . ( I think the boy noticed that I was waiting , and he saw the police car coming , and then started to walk away from the railway . ) I spoke with the officers , telling them everything above . They said that they would go talk to him and check , and thanked me for the phonecall . I was late at work ( but I called to say why so that was fine ) . But I felt superweird . It touched something inside of me I guess , because I had suicidal thoughts in the past - so I don 't know , something of his look or behaviour reminded me of that . At work - my work sucks with certain things , but with this they seem to be really nice - there were a few people ' waiting ' for me , to check and talk because they heard why I was coming in late . Not that it solves anything , but it was still nice , to know that they were there . I guess I did the right thing ; I couldn 't have lived with myself if I wouldn 't have stopped and check , and hear in the news later that someone died because of jumping in front of a train there . I hope the boy isn 't angry on me now , and that he understands when it was a false alarm . But I guess it 's better that he is pissed off with me then when he would really be so bad and no one would have cared . I still find it weird that in the time I observed , no one , seemed to notice . Or no one seemed to care . No one seemed to find it weird . I just wonder , about that . Right now , I 'm not having the best time of my life . I always have these periods , and I will always have them . I don 't believe they will ever dissapear . Because the not sleeping aka insomnia continued , and I really felt like I would break down , I went to the doctor . I have a new one , since I moved , and he 's a bit weird in some ways I guess , I 'm not sure I feel comfortable with him . He prescribed me some sleeping pills - which is actually what I came for . Last night was the first night I slept again , not enough , but at least I slept . Stress . Stuff . Life . Work . All the usual things , I guess . And , life is just difficult for me . I find life difficult , and it might probably always stay that way . What he could do for me ? I said that I knew he can 't fix my problems . That I know no one can fix my problems , and that some things can 't be fixed . All I wanted was sleep , and so I needed medication now , and he is the key to that . I 'm not feeling better , I 'm feeling low . Just low , not even depressed . But all that I know is that some things , can not be fixed . Not now , not in the past , not in the future .
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A big round of applause to whoever arranged the illumination of Schloss Charlottenburg , considered by many to be Berlin 's most beautiful building , and one of great historical value . I went by it the other night , late , and I have to say they 've spared no expense in making it look tacky , like a sort of Bulgarian Disneyland creation . The colors - - inadequately conveyed there on the website - - are so artificial and candy - like that some expert must have put in days finding just the wrong mix . It 's quite a feat , uglifying something so completely . I felt actually physically assaulted by it - - granted , it was late and I was tired , but sheesh - - and found myself wondering . . . what 's wrong with white ? It seems to work for the city 's other monuments just fine . * * * A big sigh of relief on my part , but no doubt ulcers for others , to discover that this year 's Love Parade , confidently trumpeted just a few months ago as absolutely , definitely gonna happen , has been cancelled . For those of you who ( understandably , because you live in the United States , where it was never covered even when a couple of million people showed up for it , because the musical powers that be don 't like the music it celebrated ) have never heard of the Love Parade , it is or was an institution here . The second weekend of July saw huge crowds of techno fans show up for a parade , first down the Kurfürstendamm , and then , later , on a wider route from Ernst Reuter Platz to the Brandenburg Gate , followed by a weekend of parties in which the cream ( and , inevitably , much of the cottage cheese ) of the world 's DJs and techno performers were booked in a succession of temporary and permanent club spaces . Some years ago , when I was at JazzRadio here , we had a float in the parade , and I got to discover exactly what the number 2 . 5 million looked like . I 've never seen anything like it : seas of humanity as far as the eye could see . At the Grosser Stern , where the Siegessäule is ( you know , the monument featured in Wim Wenders ' Wings of Desire ) , the sight was staggering . It toPosted by I got word yesterday that Chet Helms , founder of the Family Dog , passed away early yesterday morning in San Francisco . He was 62 , and had had a stroke , as well as complications from Hepatitis C . I never actually knew Chet , since he 'd gone low - profile by the time I moved to San Francisco in 1970 , but I met him on my first trip to the city , early in 1967 . I was living in New York at the time , and my girlfriend 's father was mixed up with Phyllis Johnson and the Aspen Magazine crowd . When they asked him , thanks to his connection with Marshall McLuhan , to design an issue of " the magazine that comes in a box , " he decided one of the things that had to be in it was a piece on hippies , so he got them to dispatch the famous photographer Steve Schapiro and me to go find out what was going on . I enthusiastically picked up my ticket , and was half - way out the door of the Crawdaddy ! magazine offices when a door belonging to one of our mysterious neighbors opened . " Hey , " said the guy , " you going somewhere ? " Yeah , I told him , San Francisco . " Cool . Got a place to stay ? " Uhhh , come to think of it , I didn 't . " That 's okay . When you get to the airport , take a cab to 1836 Pine . Write that down : 1836 Pine . I 'll tell them you 're coming , and when you get there , ask for Luria or Lynne . " Little did I know that I was being plopped down into the center of what was going on out there . ( Having the okay of my neighbor , whose name was Travis Rivers , was another piece of luck ) . The house on Pine Street belonged to a group which called itself the Mystic Research Foundation / Northern California Psychedelic Cattleman 's Association , in the person of Luria Castell and her friends , many of whom had joined with Chet Helms to form the Family Dog , one of the two reigning concert - promotion companies in the nascent San Francisco scene . They had split with Helms , though , over some particularly hippie - ish concern ; I seem to remember it had something to do with selling out . From the fact that you 've never heard of the Mystic Research Foundation until you read thPosted by The Telekom wars continue , although I 've found the program I want to use . The bad news is , Deutsche Telekom owns the wires going into the house , so you still have to give them € 14 . 50 a month for the use of them . I can live with that , but not with the reported month 's delay in switching over the service , which they are obliged by law to do immediately . This is typical of them : back when I was getting my first telephone number here , they pretended there was an 8 - to - 10 - week delay in obtaining the number because there weren 't enough to go around . Yeah , sure . * * * Summer is upon us , no doubt about that . If you can 't tell by the temperature , you can tell by the broken glass - - beer bottles - - in the street . I was just in Neukölln , a very heavily Turkish part of town , and there was a fruit stand on every street - corner . I can tell you just by walking past them that the apricots , peaches , and strawberries are ripe . What was odd , though , was the lack of vegetables . Germans just have no use for vegetables ( except for the sacred asparagus , which is over ) , so while I 'll have lots of access to fruit over the next weeks , I 'll still have to search out vegetables . * * * One side - effect of summer is that people take off their clothes . I don 't mean the famous FKK ( Freikörperkultur ) , or public nudity , which you see in parks and beaches . ( I heard an unverified story that the Munich City Council had to pass a law making it mandatory for sunbathers returning to work after a sunbathing lunch in the city 's English Garden to put their clothes back on before getting on public transportation ) . They just wear less . This is mostly a disaster around here . There are acres of flesh exposed which should be left covered for esthetic reasons . The worst offenders are people with tattoos . My old pal Rollo Banks , one of America 's leading tattoo artists , used to go ballistic over the quality of European tattooing . He had even set himself up in business in Hamburg with a buddy once , and was appalled at the work being done by European artists . The other tPosted by I have been offered liberation . Alice wants to rescue me . Trouble is , I don 't know if I 'm going to take her up on it . See Alice is a telecom , one of dozens who are now competing for Germans ' business . After what I just went through - - and have been through numerous times in the past year with an increasingly intolerant Deutsche Telekom - - I 've vowed to switch telecom providers . And that 's turning into a headache . Oh , everyone wants my business . I used to have to dodge phone pitchsters all day - - including ones from Alice - - because they couldn 't believe that a man my age , at home at 2pm , was actually working : I should be retired and getting my pension . So I wound up in the database , and , Germany 's supposed iron - clad privacy laws notwithstanding - - the same ones that won 't allow Telekom to send you an itemized phone bill ( true ! ) - - I get hit about three times a week . But how to thread through the competing and conflicting pitches and claims ? There are some things I already know . Number one , Deutsche Telekom and I are through . They don 't want my business . Number two , Arcor is out . A few years ago , a guy showed up at my front door and told me Arcor would do all kinds of things for free that Telekom was charging me for . I signed up for a trial run , only to discover the next day that each and every thing he had said to me was a lie , and that Arcor was going door - to - door targeting foreigners with poor German skills who , they realized , would have trouble with the fine print on the contracts if they bothered to read it . I sent them a registered letter , they backed off . I have since heard other stories of severe problems with them . But that only eliminates two players . All I need is a telephone and DSL service . I don 't want a cell phone or anything connected with it . I have a cell phone for travel only ( or I think I do : Carl mailed it back to me from Japan , so I hope it doesn 't get destroyed as a terrorist device ) , and the rest of the time my trusty answering machine takes messages . You 'd think that was easy . Yesterday I Posted by I don 't know how many of you readers share my passion for the music of Austin songwriter Jon Dee Graham , but I find his songwriting so compelling , so passionate , and so adult that I try to go see him every chance I get , either by himself or with his stuperstar companions the Resentments . There 's just something about his stage presence and quiet wit that is endlessly entertaining and thought - provoking . It was at a Resentments gig here about a year and a half ago that I finally decided to move to France , and at the one I saw in Austin this March , there was a hilarious bit where Jon Dee 's son , Willie , came up to the stage to request that his dad do " Big Sweet Life , " one of his best songs . Willie 's been a presence on Jon Dee 's albums for as long as he 's been solo . As I understand it , it was Willie who suggested that the first album be called Escape From Monster Island , which it is , although there 's no song by that name or with that theme anywhere on the disc . Like many Austin father - musicians , Jon Dee also arranges touring schedules around his family 's needs , and shows up at a lot of the Dads Who Rock shows . So I was horrified to read yesterday , in an e - mail from my pal M , that Willie 's got a problem . I 'll turn the floor over to her : Here 's what I found about the benefit on June 24 at the Continental and Saxon ; donation info is below : Jon Dee Graham 's son Willie has developed Legg Perthes , a rare childhood form of avascular necrosis of the hip . For reasons unknown , the head of the femur loses its blood circulation and dies . The Graham family lost insurance coverage when their insurance provider filed Chapter 11 . Now Willie 's condition is considered pre - existing by other companies , making him uninsurable . They may be looking at several years of treatment , physical therapy and surgery . The music community is responding with a benefit on Friday , June 24 at The Continental Club . Doors open at 6pm and the show begins at 6 : 30pm with The Resentments , Matt The Electrician & Beaver Nelson , Walter Tragert , Troy Campbell , Kathy McPosted by I spent about four hours at this office yesterday , catching up on all the stuff I hadn 't been able to deal with at home because my phone was cut off ( I got the next month 's bill in the mail yesterday , which means I wasn 't even a month overdue when they cut me off - - wonder if this is legal ? ) , and some of the time was spent chatting with another of the journalists , a science reporter who 'd just transcribed an interview with the author of a book on the physics of soccer . Turned out we left at about the same time and were headed in the same direction , me to my house , and he to lunch . " I 've found a very nice place that nobody knows about , " he said . " It 's in the Theaterhaus Berlin , " which building houses rehearsal spaces , and where my friend the dancer has worked . " Most of the stuff around the office is just sandwiches and fast food . " Oh , I said , but that 's not all true . There 's a really good Vietnamese place up another block . . . " Ah , but who wants to eat Vietnamese all the time ? " he interrupted . " Here , you can get really good food every day for a good price . They always have potato soup ! " And here , I reflected later , is an immutable fact about Germans and German food : no one wants to eat foreign cuisines if they can help it ( not that it 's any different in France ) and German cuisine does not recognize the seasons . Oh , it does to an extent : there 's asparagus season ( after which arbitrary date you can no longer buy asparagus anywhere ) , and strawberry season ( currently on as , I believe , asparagus season is waning ) , and pumpkin season ( in the fall ) . But day to day , Germans eat the same stuff . I remember being shocked in my first apartment one Sunday when it was in the mid - 80s ( F ) outside and the whole building smelled of pork roast . And another sultry August , when I lived across from a supermarket , I saw them advertising this week 's special : Eisbein , the fatty pig 's trotter so emblematic of Berlin cooking . Just last week the bakery at my supermarket introduced a new product , a large , doughnut - shaped loaf called the SommerlPosted by Monday , I decided to give myself a treat and go across town to the Centro Italia , the big Italian - food wholesale market . I was out of pasta ( they sell Voiello , Barilla 's professional line , and it 's absolutely the best ) , anchovies , and wanted some good olive oil , and so I budgeted € 30 for a trip . One other thing , I realized as the train sped around the Ring , was salsiccie , what Americans call " Italian sausage , " but which is not quite the same thing . On Mondays , Centro Italia had told me , they get it from Italy . So I hit the meat counter first , and asked the guy if he had any . " In summer , " he said , and then broke off . He gestured towards the outdoors . " In summer , which the calendar tells us is happening now , we get salsiccie on Wednesdays . " I knew what he meant . After a small heat wave , right about when I hit the road in France , we were in for more mid - 50s ( F ) rainy weather . I began to despair : there 's a side - effect of global climate change which affects the Gulf Stream , and those who think we 're in for rough times , climatically speaking , note that if the Gulf Stream changes course as a result of this phenomenon , the mean temperature of Northern Europe will drop dramatically , severely affecting agriculture here . It was coming on to mid - June , and as yet there was no heat ! But then everything changed . It 's turned very , very livable here , with sun , warm but not hot temperatures , and pretty much everybody feeling good . I walked down Friedrichstr . yesterday , in fact , and saw two great things in the street . The first was a Jamaican kid who had a chessboard set up on the sidewalk . Posters surrounding him announced that his father in Jamaica had prostate cancer , and he wanted to go back to give him emotional support . " I need 800 [ crossed out ] 350 [ crossed out ] 200 Euros to pay for the plane ticket . " The deal was , he played 3 - minute chess . The rules were posted on another poster . He was hard at work with another player when I chanced upon him , and each banged the clock after making a move . A huge crowd had gathered around Posted by I mentioned recently that Chuck Krall had taken the first pictures of the Wailers in America , and that his picture of Bob Marley with a teacup in his hand was pretty iconic . Chuck was good enough to send me a ( defaced , but hey , there are pirates out there ) copy of that photo , so I thought I 'd post it . Any of you out there who want to get in touch with Chuck about a print can e - mail me , okay ? June 1 - 4From Strasbourg , we had a challenging drive to get to Bourges . One of the big problems with France is that it 's so damn Paris - centric . Paris , for instance , is the center of the whole rail system , unlike in Germany , where there are regional hubs like Frankfurt , Berlin , Cologne , and Hannover . In France , to get from A to B , no matter where A and B are , you go through Paris if you 're using the fast trains . This is particularly annoying to Strasbourgians , who manufacture the TGV trains just outside of town , but won 't get a TGV line until 2007 , making it hard to get anywhere from Strasbourg . We got to see the factory early the next morning , in fact , because we were using Mappy , which seems at first glance , to be an extraordinary service : door - to - door driving ( or walking ! ) directions throughout Europe . Most of the time , it functions well , but you 'd be strongly advised to check anything it tells you to do against a map , as Carl found out in Montreuil , when , walking around where we were , he noticed that Mappy was sending us down one - way streets the wrong way . On the whole , it works well , but there are bugs , as we discovered . Once we got turned around , we had a really uneventful time for several hours . I was exhausted : the tension from losing my passport and driving around Strasbourg , which is not made for driving in ( not that that stops anyone ) , had wrecked me , and I let Carl take the first shift . Gradually , we grew closer to the Cote d ' Or , where the road signs read like a trip through the higher - priced section of an upscale wine store : Nuits - St . - Georges , Chablis , Chateauneuf ( although not de Pape , which is elsewhere ) . All the great names of red and white Burgundy . Past Beaune , we climbed into the hills , and castles and monasteries began to appear on the hilltops . This part was all done at freeway speed , and lunch at a freeway stop was memorably bad . After lunch , though , Mappy had us get off the freeway , and at that point , things got really interesting as we threaded our way through mind - blowingly picturesque FrenPosted by May 31Xiao - Fen and Yumiko were along on this trip because of Carl 's piece Lauburu , which they were going to perform twice , in Strasbourg and Bourges . The piece goes like this : Carl has a series of events which he 's composed , and put onto a guide CD . He transferred the material on the CD onto a pair of iPods , which the two women would wear . They would hear the material , and react to it with voice and / or instruments , individually or in duos , according to the score . Meanwhile , Carl transformed the material - - which the audience would never hear in its original form - - on his laptop . Strasbourg was a full six - hour drive from Montreuil , broken only by a lunch - stop at a rest stop with an excellent salad bar / buffet , which turned out to be the third - best meal on the trip . Because of the time , and because the three hadn 't rehearsed the piece yet , there was some anxiety about getting it right and doing the sound - check , so we drove straight to the Contemporary Art Museum , where we parked the huge beast of a Hyundai 7 - seater . What followed would have been a comedy of errors if time hadn 't been so crucial : the iPods refused to start where they were supposed to . Everyone was on the verge of tearing their hair out : every time Carl counted down to the point where they were to start by pressing the buttons , each performer got different tracks . At some point , the soundman walked out : it was dinner - time for him , and nothing would interrupt that sacred moment , so Carl had to keep jumping up and running hither and yon in the room to hear what was happening . As for me , I gave my feedback , and finally things worked well enough so that they were able to run through the piece a couple of times . With only an hour to show - time , it was decided not to check into the hotel until after the concert and the dinner afterwards . Carl was wiped , and went into the dressing room to crash . The ladies got made up . I wandered around and changed into better clothes , because I knew I 'd be selling CDs after the show . I also checked the art museum 's shop , becPosted by May 29 - 31Montreuil is an eastern suburb of Paris , the city which does not grow . Years ago , they drew a circle , defined everything inside it as Paris , and everything outside as " banlieu , " or suburb . This hasn 't kept the suburbs from expanding , but Montreuil is close enough in that at one point I was walking down the street in a straight line and kept entering and leaving Paris . It 's also home to the Instants Chavirés , a small but wonderful performance space on a back street whose name translates as " overturned lawsuits , " for which there must be a reason . And it was there I was headed after arrival , on time , at the Gare du Nord , or , rather , to its offices . Although the Instants weren 't promoting Carl 's concert on Monday night , they were providing the space for Satoko , the actual promoter , to present the show , and they were kind enough to offer us three small rooms , each with two beds , which are used to put up performers on the floor above the office . I wasn 't sure where to go as I stepped off the train at the Metro station Robespierre , but as I was walking down the platform to the exit , someone called my name . It was Carl and another guy , Charles , a musician who played the avant - garde circuit and had been sent to the airport to fetch him , winding up on the same train as me . Good thing , too , because I never would have found the place myself , even with the map they 'd provided . Nor would I have had a clue how to arouse someone within . Soon , we were in our rooms , and the next question was getting some dinner . Montreuil 's Rue de Paris , which we were right off of , was a string of döner kebab and halal lamburger places , but I wanted French food , and was determined to introduce Carl , all of whose pieces are named after restaurants , to my favorite place in Paris , Chez Paul . The weather had broken , and it was raining intermittently , and Carl seemed sure I didn 't know where I was going , but this place is like a beacon in my mind , and after making sure we were headed the right way down the rue de Charonne , we eventually got Posted by May 29I don 't know where he came from and I don 't know where he went , which is fine with me . As I predicted , there wasn 't a single unreserved seat on the train from Berlin to Cologne , four hours ' journey in a high - speed InterCityExpress train . I 've done this before , and wound up hurting all over . The curves are taken at speed , and your body reacts by leaning into them , but if you don 't have something to hold onto , you stagger and , often , fall . Also , the only place to stand is between cars , and that part isn 't air conditioned . Karen told me the thing to do was to head straight into the restaurant car , grab a seat , and order a juice . I should have listened to her ; as it was , I went from one end of the train to the other looking for a seat and not finding one . The World Church Days was on in Cologne , there was a rumor the Pope was going to be there , and the football finals had just ended in Berlin , which drew another sort of crowd , so the train was packed with people you 'd ordinarily cross the street to avoid . I wound up in the bar , which was packed with football fans and their wives celebrating the discovery of Deutsche Bahn 's Weekend Special : a coke , mineral water , or Warsteiner for € 1 . 85 . Naturally , theirs was Warsteiner . There must have been 40 people , all drinking , all chain - smoking , in that end of the car . The other end had tables , and they were completely full . So the little guy with the battered bag stood out . He walked in , took a look around , and then leaned against the wall , his bag between his feet . I 'd guess he was around my age , with hangdog eyes , thinning hair , and skin the color of clay . The expression on his face was clearly that of someone who 'd been told he could never have another drink again . He 'd obeyed , but he didn 't like it . He took his jacket off and lit a cigarette . The bar continued to fill up with people buying things to take back to their seats and people from the non - smoking section who 'd gone in there to smoke . My eyes were stinging . The guy next to me put his cigarette out and draped hPosted by This gem appeared in the e - mail the other day , and I 've been staring at it ever since . I don 't actually remember listening to Marley play the guitar , because my major memory of this evening was of various Wailers and hangers - on getting me extremely stoned and then pulling a quick room switch to get rid of me . Marley always seemed to have a visceral dislike for me , but he also gave me one of the most amazing evenings of my life . The picture dates from 1973 , and besides me , on the bed in the cheap hotel the band was staying at on Lombard and Van Ness in San Francisco , we have Chuck Krall shooting a photo , and a gentleman in a tie , whom I can 't identify . I met Chuck through Lenny Kaye , who at the time was merely a journalist , not the linchpin of the Patti Smith Band , because Lenny knew I was interested in reggae - - I 'd been the first person to write about it in an American magazine , Creem , in 1971 - - but I knew very little about it . Chuck was a boyhood friend of Lenny 's , a veteran of the dancefloor on American Bandstand who later told me there was rampant sex in the cloakroom there , and he 'd spent a couple of years in the Peace Corps in Jamaica . He also had a rare booklet , a study of Rastafarianism which had been suppressed after publication , and laid out its tenets in rather neutral prose , which was unusual given the Jamaican government 's feelings about the religion . Chuck listened to the records I was getting in the mail from Trojan in London , and was able to decode a lot of the patois and odd references on them , although not always correctly : the biggest gaffe he made was in telling me that Rastas considered the British to be their oppressors ( true enough ) , and I could hear them referring to England as " bobby - land " on the records ( uhh , that 'd be " Babylon , " Chuck : I 'm pretty sure he figured that out after a while ) . He also regaled me with stories of his time in Jamaica , and when I finally got to go there in 1975 , his memories were indispensable in helping me figure out where I was and what I was doing . Lenny livedPosted by
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Tag Archives : smoky mountains Visiting Earth . The deafening loud - ass silence of loneliness . May 31 , 2016 ~ Kat Magendie Earth . Third planet from the sun and the only planet known to support life . It 's the only planet not named after a Greek or Roman god . And unlike the naming of other planets ' moons , our moon is simply called Moon - this struck me today , that we didn 't name Earth 's moon ; I wonder why ? Though I like Moon and if they named it , I 'd still call it Moon . As Earth ages it is slowing down . Only about 17 milliseconds per hundred years , but it lengthens the days . Many millions of years from now , Earth will have a 25 - hour day . What to do with that extra hour ? Sleep in ? Waste it ? Yeah . We 'll waste it . Though we have a 24 - hour day , it actually takes 23 hours , 56 minutes , and 4 seconds for the Earth to rotate on its axis - that 's called a Sidereal Day . No , our nights and days won 't eventually be wonky . Why ? Because Earth orbits around the sun and if you consider the motion from the sun as Earth orbits it as well as the rotation of Earth on its axis , it comes to 24 hours , and that 's called a Solar Day . Solar Day is the time it takes for the sun to be back in the same place in the sky - 24 hours . Yeah , that sounds confusing , but really it 's not when you think about it a moment , or just accept it . And a year isn 't exactly 365 days . There is an extra . 2564 days to make a total of 365 . 2564 days . To make things even out , every 4 years we have Leap Year . We are so clever . If we were aware of how fast we are actually moving , spinning through space , at , depending where you are on Earth , a bit over 1 , 000 miles per hour , you 'd at the very least vomit . It 's weird to think though that people on the equator move fastest and people on the North or South poles are still . So if we were aware of our spinning and moving , we 'd all rush to the poles and freeze our asses off . It is on Earth I land my little log spaceship and trek down to The City for supplies and fuel . The City where I have my home - base is tiny with only 1 , 000 or so full - time residents . But during peak tourist seasons that swells and quite considerably . There are people and cars everywhere . You would think that having more people would make the lonely feel less alone , but it does not . People are not meant to be alone . Like water finding water , people find people . We are social animals . Everywhere we go , there are groups , or couples . There are parents / grandparents and their children . There are couples - lovers or friends or both . There are groups of friends . There are families . There is touch and talk and laughter and argument and discussion and kiss and hold and share . When you have been alone in your spaceship for many days , you are not sure of how you sound or appear to others . If you speak to someone , you wonder if you made sense . If your words and sentences and phrases come out coherent . You forget what conversation sounds like . If you are in a social situation , you either babble a million words , or you have few words at all and stare dumbly at the other person as they wait with raised eyebrows for you to say something . You practice speaking to your little dog because you aren 't sure if your voice will go rusty - can vocal cords forget how to speak if not used regularly ? You google it , and find out , here , that you 'd be just fine - that when someone woke from a 19 - year coma , he was able to speak . You are relieved , and also , strangely , disappointed . When alone most all the time , you forget what you look like . Reflections lie . They do , really . If there is no one to tell you that you are beautiful or handsome and sexy and wonderful , what are you then to yourself ? Though you shower , brush and floss your teeth , eat fairly healthfully , drink in moderation , and sleep , and exercise , and stretch , and take care of yourself in many various ways , you may not brush your hair for days ; you may wear clean but comfortable - and - not - attractive clothes for weeks ; you may wander about the spaceship touching things just to make sure you are real - because if the things you touch are real , then so are you . You don 't doubt your sanity - you don 't . You don 't . You don 't . Don 't . Don 't . You . Don 't . Some nights the loneliness becomes shapes in the dark and you aren 't even afraid . Instead you ask , " Who are you ? What do you want ? Guess what I saw today ? " And there is no answer , so you sleep and dream of people . People people people populate your dreams - and you are doing things with the people : talking , laughing , having sex , kissing , hugging , arguing , running from them and to them . You wake from your dreams and for a moment it is enough . The paradox is : though you are lonely , you want to be left alone . Because you get it in your head that people are not to be trusted . People mean hurt and chaos and responsibility . You can 't stand it but you do . ( P . S . I 'll have another give - away next week , as well as a Repair of the Day , and some Dinner Ideas for One - WHEEHAW ! . - Judy D - you won the Mars Chocolate drawing from last week . Email or FB message me . . . . ) The returning . . . the Cove at Killian Knob June 4 , 2015 ~ Kat Magendie So , my friends . I have been gone from here a while . Other things and people and places grabbed hold of me , of my attention , of my time . But it has all been for the most wonderful beautiful of reasons : I have returned to my Cove at Killian Knob . Home . I am Home . I came back almost a year to the day I drove away from my Cove - thinking I may never be able to return . But my Cove was not about to let me go . My mountains knew I 'd return . The creek shouts out to me - Welcome Home , Wild Wolf Woman Kathryn . I had to pinch myself every day for the first few weeks , and then , now a little over a month since my return , I at last do not fear I will awaken from some gorgeously warm dream . It is real . It is tangible . As real as my Crow cawing outside my window - he , Big Boy , tells me all the secrets to the cove ; all the things I missed while I was gone from here . Each morning , and evening , I toss over the rail to the ground below some tidbits for him to eat , whistle for him , and there he comes , sailing on stretched wing , oily black and handsome . He now will , as he used to do , sit on the branch of the Tulip Poplar and watch me as I sit on the porch drinking my coffee , or maybe later my wine - at first , he did not trust that I would be here to stay and he was shy . Now ? Now he knows . Just as other critters know I am here to stay : the coon , the squirrel , the bird , the rabbit , the turkey - all of them . Even the ones who hide and watch : the bobcat , the coyote , the bear , the deer . As always before , I turn my head slightly to the left and what fills my eyes is wild beauty . I glance down at my hands as they type upon my old trusty laptop , turn my head back slightly to the left , then gaze around my writing room , my library , my study , where someone special turned it into a warm and beautiful sanctuary with which to write and read and dream . I am filling my little log house back up with my Things - yes the knickknacks and doo - dads and furry throws and rugs and lamps that golden glow the rooms , but also bone and rock and bark and stump and twig and feather . It is as if I am in some mystical movie where the character steps from one realm of noise and confusion and crowds and discombobulation into an enchanted world : she closes the door behind her and doesn 't look back , for that near - year she spent away from her Cove was only an enterlude , only a miniscule slice of a luscious pie - she ate a tiny bite of that miniscule slice of pie and it did not taste of anything at all - now , here , the rest of the pie coats her tongue , slides down her throat with a slight tang and burn , and fills her belly - she is satiated now . That is how it is . And more . I did not come alone . Who knew ? Who knew what life takes from us and gives to us . Even when we do not want it . Even when we fight with claws sharpened by what we think is best for us , never knowing that we do not always know what is best for us . Sometimes people come back into your life after many many years and you think , " Why , where have you been all these years ? " and they say , " I was going to ask you the same thing . " And then you both laugh at the absurdity of it all . At the luck and timing of it all . At the luscious luscious wonder of it all . And there curled beside you is a little bitty dog . All your proclamations of " Never again ! Never ! I cannot bear to take into my life another sweet creature and have it die . No ! NO ! " and the little dog curled warm beside you huffs in his sleep , and if awakened would look up at you with his wonky teeth and you would Know . You 'd just Know that he knows what he has done with you and to you and for you . And what his man has done to you and with you and for you . What both of these Living Beings have pulled you kicking and screaming into what you never ever believed in ; what you scoffed at ; what you considered ellusive and illusive and never ever for you . Love is the greatest of things . Love is your granndaughter . Love is your son . Love is your family . Love is your friends . Love is what comes into your life when you do not want it or need it or expect it . Love sneaks up and smacks you upside your head and then laughs at the amazed fearing wonderment that makes you slack - jawed with surprise . It is not to be ignored . Who knew ? Who knew ? So I sit here , my good friends - those of you still here ; those of you who have always been here ; those of you who drop by ; those of you who wonder by accident or fate if you believe in those things and I do not and I do ; those of you who read everything I write and I am amazed by you - I sit here and I am humbled by everything . Everything . EVERYTHING . I am humbled and grateful and beside myself . Life is a circle that we either complete or we do not . Or we go round and round it faster and faster until we are so dizzy we do not See anymore . What do you want ? How do you want to travel your circle ? Ends meeting and then begin again . Monday Classroom : The Comma ( sending us into comas ) . . . . March 2 , 2015 ~ Kat Magendie . Write write write ! write with abandon ; edit with a keen critical eye ! Commas , those squiggly little cuties , cause more torn out hair and gnashed teeth . I 'm not the perfect Comma Momma ( teeheehee ) , so I do invite you to use the links below to learn allllllllll about those tiny little trouble - makers - particularly The Comma Splice , for which I do not talk about here , but if I did I would , have an example right here - see what I did ? I put a comma between would and have that does not belong because it breaks up the sentence when it should not : the heinous comma splice . Really , there is simply too much information about that little teeny bitty itty squiggle than I can place here in one post without tearing out my own hair . In fact , that teeny bitty itty squiggle 's size is deceiving , for it makes Big Arse Trouble for so many out there , and not only writers . Thing is , folks , it really is not so difficult once you Pay Attention to what you are writing and how the sentence " flows " and the rhythm of your words / sentence . I 've written those two words before : Pay Attention . Because when you do , you learn . As I write this post , I am using commas without thinking about it . If I this were my novel , I may go in and remove some of my commas , just to make sure everything sings along musically to where there are not a lot of choppy sentences that leave the reader 's brain squeezing . Ungh . Squeezed brains hurrrrt . When you Pay Attention , you begin to see how the comma interacts with your work . How the comma sets things off . How the comma groups things together and separates them . How it considers the natural pause - where you take that bit of a hitch of a breath after an introductory phrase . Sometimes I leave them out because I want to keep the sentence moving along without any pauses as if one is talking all at once and does not pause even to take a breath because they are in OMG OMG OMG mode * gasp for air * . . . folks , use this sparingly or else your readers ' eyes may fall out and follow someone to the door , and in fact , their eyes may not return for many a week because you simply exhausted them and they needed a long long vacation and I think I am doing it again , oh dear ! * Eyes falling out of my head and traveling to the door , suitcase in hand ( hands ? Do eyes have hands ? Well , if we 're giving them a suitcase , guess they best . Yes , I am talking about when people write " his / her eyes followed him / her " etc etc - the disembodied body parts - a post for another day ) . * If you think , " Well I like both ways . " Fine , go ye to write it how it works for you ! In fact , when I 'm reading something that doesn 't have commas where I like them to be , I insert them myself . Yeah ! I do ! Ha ! You can 't escape my Comma - ndo ! Though , again , there are times I leave out commas because I want the sentence to move along without a pause . I don 't want the sentence to be broken up or choppy . But when I catch myself pausing after that " introduction , " I add a comma . Because . " Because whyyyyy , Kat ? " Because I said so , that 's why . Kathryn has - that 's an incomplete sentence that is separated by " and always has had " and then another incomplete sentence " a tiny pea - head " - I paused in the middle of those two phrases to tell you something else . I used commas to pause . Bless my wittle tiny pea - headed brain . What you don 't want to do is to stick commas everywhere willy nilly . Those commas , small as they may be , will chop up your sentence and make them read stoooopid . Do you want choppy stoooopid sentences ? Of course not ! I 'd rather see fewer commas than a litter of them crawling around all over the page mewling and making a mess all over creation . Listen to the rhythm of your words / the language . Listen for those pauses . Those parenthetical pauses . Those introductory phrases that then lead to a little hitch of breath before going on to the next part of the sentence . That 's where the comma goes . I like cornbread , cookies , beans and ice cream . But I do not like this sentence - ewwww ! ( Intro ) If you want beans in your ice - cream , ( pause / hitch breath ) go right ahead . But I do like the serial - not cereal - comma . Although wouldn 't that be cute ? A bowlful of punctuation - shaped cereal for grammarians / writers ? Haw ! * Kat considers giving up novel - writing to create a Punctuation Cereal and becoming a millionaire * Anyway , * back to reality , Kat * the serial comma makes sense in the world of grouper - togetherers . Notice above how each little family of words has their own little neat home to live in . Their own little grouping . The items that go together are placed together . Those that do not go together are separated by commas . Clear as the mud on the bottom of your boot , ain 't it ? Or maybe you are beginning to understand . Maybe I am a Geeeeenius at explaining the teeny tiny wittle squiggly and suddenly the clouds are clearing and you shout EUREKA ! and you name your dog after me or something . * Kat has dreamy expression thinking of puppies running around named " Kat " because that sounds contradictory and funny haw haw haw - at least to her pea - headed brain - stop judging me ! * Look folks , here 's the thing : commas are irritating little shitters and they always will be . I mean , geeeezzzz , I have a headache just trying to explain them . And even as I type these words , I know I will miss one , or I 'll place one in the wrong spot . I 'll be in a hurry and someone out there will gloat and scream how I messed up . Ungh ! I 'll go back and read this and think , " This could be better . " But isn 't that the Thang about writing ? How we always should be growing and learning . How we should think : " This could be better , " and then we make it better - until it is Done , for at some point we must be Done , right ? Below are some grammar sites that talk about the comma and may be a better help to you than my pea - headed self . I invite you to visit and then study them . Pay Attention . When your AHA ! moment comes , you may then begin to manipulate the language with Knowledge , and folks , that 's when the real fun begins . The spell was cast when they were children . That bond cannot be broken . In the deep hollows and high ridges of the ancient Appalachian Mountains , a legacy of stunning magic will change their lives forever . Laura is caught between the modern and the mystical , struggling to lead a normal life in New York despite a powerful psychic connection to her childhood home in North Carolina - and to the mysterious stranger who calls her name . She 's a synesthete - someone who mentally " sees " and " tastes " splashes of color connected to people , emotions , and things . She 's struggled against the distracting ability all her life ; now the effects have grown stronger . She returns home to the mountains , desperate to resolve the obsessive pull of their mysteries . But life in her mountain community is far from peaceful . An arsonist has the town on edge , and she discovers Ayron , scarred and tormented , an irresistible recluse who rarely leaves the forest . As her childhood memories of him surface , the façade of her ordinary world begins to fade . The knots she 's tied around her heart and her beliefs start unraveling . Ayron has never forgotten her or the meaning of their astonishing bond . If his kind is to survive in modern times , he and Laura must face the consequences of falling in love . You are mine and I am yours , dear Reader : how I love you . February 5 , 2015 ~ Kat Magendie What shall I do with my gift ? For I am not quite sure what direction I want to take with a new novel . Unfinished work sits in my computer . For I imploded my life over a year ago - I exploded it - I ripped it asunder - I left my marriage and my life on the mountain . I pummeled myself stupid with one decision after another until I sat dazed for months . Now , now I am ready again . Once , years back , I printed out my novel and held its heaviness in my hands , and as I read , I loved Virginia Kate all over again , but I wondered if there were more I could do to her : make her shorter , tighter , smaller , for I 'm told readers have a short attention span now and expect things to be more dramatic , to move faster , to have more and more tension and action and - is this you , reader ? Are you really like that ? Where you expect things to be fed to you so fast , crammed down your throat , where you expect quick - reading works that can be gulped down like fast food , or , do you sometimes enjoy the dinner at a quiet nice restaurant , where each course is served to you gently and with full attention , each course a delicate taste , but with undertones of spice and heat and with the hint of something dramatic to come . Each course comes just a moment after you 've finished the last one , and in that moment , you savor what you have just completed . I have so much to tell you all , dear readers ! So much ! My mind won 't be still and there are times when I want to hush it up , to tell my thoughts to stop its mad rushing about ! When I think I shall go insane with all the words to tell you . How do I reach you all ? I could put my novels away and concentrate on other things to show you , and then one day , when I am ready , I will come to you , and you will not forget me . I could write what isn 't in my heart to capture the market and perhaps place much needed funds in my bank . But I hesitate . For when I tried that before , it felt so wrong , so alien , so rubbery . And there is the woman , who wakes up beside her husband , and goes to the bathroom , and as she relieves herself , she stares at the stain of the night 's sex on her panties , and sighs , gets up , washes her hands , washes her faces ( yes , faces ) , and tries not to look in the mirror , but she does , accidentally she looks into the woman in the mirror , and all the days of her life slam into her , and she pushes back her hair , and listens to the loud breathing of her husband , and suddenly , suddenly , unexpectedly , the world tilts and rearranges and she becomes the woman she was meant to be . I think about this woman , and she thinks about me - for she knows I will have to write her story and she waits , staring into that mirror , turning away from that mirror , out of the bathroom , down the hall , out the front door , down the sidewalk , her feet slapping against the cement - where is she going ? ! I have to find out ! Words . Images . Ideas . Characters . Whispers - is that the wind , or a character speaking to me ? Last night , my legs were restless under the covers as I held a book of short stories . I opened it , and read and enjoyed and wondered about the author , what they were doing and thinking and if they knew how beautiful they are , and that at that very moment , I was reading their words and they 'd never know me , never know I smiled , and then closed the book with satisfaction , turned out the light , and dreamed of my own words on the page . Deam . Dreamer . Dreamest . I will never again be the same because you , dear readers , have touched me and read me and come to know me through my books . I can never go back to how I was in the days before this happened . I am yours now . I have no choice but to give you more of me . For anything less feels wrong and empty . My life wrong and empty without the words and language . I love this writing , my characters , the idea and reality of you all holding my words and loving my characters , as much as I love my arm , my leg , my tiniest of baby toes . Touty plug of the day . My very first published book . Tender Graces , the first in the trilogy . Where I introduce to you my beloved Virginia Kate . It is one of my most popular books , with only Sweetie being just as popular . When you said " never will I leave this place / ideal / way of life " . . . and then you do May 22 , 2014 ~ Kat Magendie I 'm sitting in a closet right now typing this . Yeah , a closet . Because it feels quiet and contained and intimate . I will need this closet , I now know , very often , as I write my books , as I edit mine and other authors ' books , and maybe just when I need to hide myself in work and thought . For ten years I lived in the cove at Killian Knob in Maggie Valley , North Carolina . Right smack in the Smokies . One of the most beautiful places in the world . And , with some of the oldest , most ancient , mountains in the world - once as tall as those younger ones in the west but worn down by time 's winds and rains . It was quiet there , serene , and I could go weeks without seeing a soul . I was an aging Rapunzel in her tower , locked away , both ignoring and curious of the world outside of my cocoon but somehow unable to escape my self - imposed captivity . But that way of life served me well : I wrote five books and a novella , and many short stories , and many personal essays , and some really bad poetry , and took photograph after photograph of nature . But in all my imaginings , I never imagined I 'd be moving to Arlington , Texas . I have family here , yes . And they need me ( and I them ) . But still . The flatlands ? The people ? The noise ? The lights and sounds and crowds - oh dear . Consider this : Arlington has about 400 , 000 people . Maggie Valley has about between 1000 and 1100 full time residents . The biggest city closest to Arlington , Dallas , has about 1 . 3 million , while the biggest city closest to Maggie Valley , Asheville , has about between 85 , 000 and 90 , 000 people . Oh . Dear . Lawd . So here I sit in my closet - which is really my kind and supportive brother 's closet , which is on loan to me as his " resident guest " until I am on my feet and find my own place . What I took from my mountain log house easily fits into two rooms - or one and a half rooms . That includes boxes I stored for when I do find a place of my own . I left much behind - big pieces of my heart for one , and a husband I separated from for another , and the two do not entwine . When someone we love dies , a piece of our heart is carved away that leaves a hole that will never ever be filled by anyone or anything - we can try to fill it with sex or drugs or rock and roll or things or alcohol or time or distance or pets or other people or other family or - etc - but it will never ever be filled ; sorry to tell you this if you are trying to fill it , because it will not . It will remain a hole for the rest of the days you walk upon the earth . And really , that 's okay , for our loved ones deserve an unfilled space that is all theirs . Place can do this , too . Place can leave a hole in your heart that won 't be filled by all those things . And this is how I feel about my cove at Killian Knob . There is a hole in my heart that will never be filled . I will find happiness here . I will find Home . I will be with family who needs my help . I will meet friends . I will meet men who I will date . I will settle in with all these thousands and thousands of people here . But that hole will echo with the beauty and serenity and loneliness and isolation and ancient callings and my pet crow and my other critters and my chimes in the mountain winds and my walks in the deep woods and my creek singing and . . . all of it . That echo will follow me all the livings of my days until my livings are no longer . And as sad as that may feel , I 'm glad that hole will be there , that it will never be filled . Now , for a bit of business while I 'm thinking of it : thank you to readers and friends for sending The Lightning Charmer to several Number 1 spots on the best seller list at Amazon , including No 1 in Women 's Fiction ( and No 1 in fantasy and fairy tale or something like that I can 't remember , and another one I can 't recall , and number 4 on another one - I should remember these things but I do not ) . As well , it went to No . 30 in the overall Top 100 best - sellers . I missed all this excitement as I was on the road moving . Appreciate you all . Just some Smoky Mountain Eye Candy for all y ' allses out there . . . . March 12 , 2014 ~ Kat Magendie Share if you like ! Appreciate you ! PinterestMoreEmailTwitterFacebookPrintRedditGoogleTumblrLinkedInLike this : Like Loading . . . appalachian mountains Haywood county mountain living nature smoky mountains 1 Shoveling it ( writing it ) February 13 , 2014 ~ Kat Magendie * UPDATE ! : Can anyone tell me " what 's wrong with this picture " here to the left ? * laughing * - Let 's make that around 10 inches on my driveway . * dumbass me * Yeah , the stick is upside down and the big numbers are not inches . Teeheehee . * There has to be a metaphor / analogy for the writing in this : D Gawd . What a winter it has been . Ice , snow , sub - zero temps - my cove once dove to minus 8 . 5 degrees . This latest dumped fourteen inches on top of the driveway I 'd just cleared 3 inches from . Welp , good , cause at least I didn 't have to shovel 17 inches . Huhn . Right ? Riiight . And , as I wrote on Facebook ( where I 've been uploading photos of the snow and the beauty of Western North Carolina ) , how does a 111 pound 5 ' 2 ″ woman clear 14 inches of snow from her longish driveway in less than 2 hours ? One GD shovel at a time . I put my head down and did the job . I didn 't whine . I didn 't complain - no really , I did not . For what good would that have done ? Just made me irritated and negative about it . I shoveled and I didn 't think about how much was left before me . I shoveled and I didn 't stop except to drink some water and stretch out the kinks . I shoveled and I didn 't think about my worries or my troubles or what lay ahead or what I would do next or if it were boring or if I 'd rather be doing something else - nope , I kept my mind to he task . I shoveled and shoveled and shoveled some more . Until , at last , I had a pathway for my Boopmobile to clear out of so I can get out this weekend , and then , just to be sure , I shoveled a bit more - a sort of SO THERE ! kind of thing . I thought , at the end : Okay , Mother / Father / Grandm / f Nature , you bitch - I 'm a bigger bitch . I 'm a badass bitch . I 'm a toughass kickass mountain woman , stubborn , too much pride at times , determined . I had a goal . I completed it . My arms were shaking afterward . My back and shoulders protested . But those things actually felt good because they felt like work ; they felt like progress ; they felt like I was in the real world doing real things ; they felt like , actually , that Mother ; / Father / Grandm / f Nature and I were at a truce . Oh , I know Nature can dish out some more if it wants to , and it could take me to my knees . It has done that to many of us - storms , and floods , and snows , and ices , and tornadoes , and hurricanes - and what do we do ? We " shovel " out from under it one " shovel " at a time until we are done with the job . Often people ask me : how did you write so much in so little time ? What is your writing day like ? How do you keep writing ? I am pretty prolific . I have had published five novels and a novella , and published myself through Amazon some short stories , and I 'm writing under two different pen names - one is C . W . Pomp , and the other is a secret . And you may be guessing already what I 'm going to say after reading the above : I write one word at a time . I put my head down and get the job done . When I am working , I don 't think ahead or how much I have done or how much more I have left to do . I don 't worry about the future when I am working . I am a badass toughass stubborn determined novelist / writer bitch . When I am done , I may be shaking a little ; I may let those worries creep in ; I may falter because I don 't know how it 's all going to work out or if people will love my work ; I could be taken to my knees by disappointment ( and I have been ! ) . But , then . . . I sit down and do it all over again , just as if it snows again , I will pick up that shovel and dig myself out from under what is dished out to me . Now , I do not want to hit you good people over the head with this - my pride and my sense of " not bugging people " often have gotten in the way of me talking about my books , but , if I want to keep doing what I love , then I have to promote my books at least sometimes , and the sometimes is usually when I have news or deals . I thought The Lightning Charmer would be off its $ 1 . 99 sale , but it 's still hanging on - shhh ! maybe they forgot to take it off ! ha ! So , if you haven 't tried my work , now is the time , or if you have and liked my other books , then give T . L . C . a try . I will love you for it - well , hell , I already love you all : D . As well , my little short stories are on Amazon . I don 't talk about them much because they 're just little story snacks - things you can read quickly . Simple little things . I adore the artwork on the cover . The Lightning Charmer - so it begins . . . Aw Lawd ! * Jittery Jittery Jittery * LAWD ! October 27 , 2013 ~ Kat Magendie Y ' all know how much I detest the " author spamming " stuff , so it 's difficult for me to go on my FB page or to come here and talk about my novels , and if you scroll down my blog posts and FB updates , you will see I rarely do that . However , it 's difficult , no it 's impossible , not to say " It 's here ! " when a new book is released , or if I have other good news - like promotions or whatever . And so , now I can say , at least for Amazon , The Lightning Charmer is here ! Amazon always jumps out of the gate first , it seems . The " official " release date is November 1 , but Amazon already has The Lightning Charmer up in print and e - book . I 've always been excited about a new release , but I find this time it hasn 't fully hit me yet . Perhaps when I receive my author copies I 'll hold one in my hands and do my usual writing a personal note to myself in it and feel it - FEEL IT - F . E . E . L . I . T . . But for now ? I 'm caught in a surreal weird - land of Not Yet Feeling It . I went to the Amazon page and stared at it - yup , it 's there ; it 's real ; it 's happening , but still - LAWD ! What is my hope for my book out with Amazon first ? Well , that it will climb in the charts of course , and that it will receive good reviews of course , and that it will do well on Goodreads , as well , of course , since Amazon and Goodreads are combined ( from what I understand ) . But will I be looking at my ranking and checking reviews ? Nope ! Not I , says the Kat ! * haw * - Because I don 't keep up with reviews and rankings , and I believe that reviews are for the readers , not for authors to go poking her head in and looking around and commenting . As well , I learned from my wise editor Deborah Smith ( who is a best - selling author herself and please google her and check out her books ! ) never to go hunting up reviews , and stop looking at rankings . The only time that it may be advised to celebrate rankings is if someone contacts me and says , " Your book is climbing the charts and is in the top 100 and climbing ! " Then I can go " Whoohooooooo ! " * laughing * yeah . That happened with Tender Graces - made it to Number 1 and caused The Help to be Number 2 - sure did , but at the time I didn 't understand what was happening , so I didn 't talk about it - Duh , Kat ! So , y ' all , if you want use Amazon as your book source , and you think you would like to read my latest , then I invite you to it . If you only want to say " Congrats , Kat ! " and not to read my book , that 's fine , too ! I never expect everyone to be interested in what I write - even friends and family ! If you want to send me chocolate and vodka to help me to control my jittery , well , that 's awesome ! * laughing * Old Moon shone over the mountains , over the valley and hollows , and over my little log house . Snow drifted willy - nilly , until a sharp wind blew flakes around in an Appalachian clog dance . And on that splendorious Christmas Eve night , I tossed and sweated in my merry old bed . That night , something wasn 't right . I sensed it . Women my age Know Things . I got up and sneaked down the hall to the living room . And there he was . And that red - suited , white - bearded , jolly son of a fat bastard was eating the chocolate - chocolate chip cookies - the ones my spouse in residence baked for his theater friends . He stuck his finger upside his nose and twinkled his eyes , but that stuff won 't work on women who Know Things . We 've seen men try everything under the Moon and we aren 't tricked one speck . I tapped my foot and glared . He tried the old , " Ho Ho Ho ! " " Not these cookies , buster . Yours are over there . " I pointed to the sad - looking cookies resting on a paper plate I 'd baked out of a mix . They were supposed to be reindeer - shaped , but looked like horned elephants without trunks . I grabbed the cookie tin . " Okay , come on , have another cookie . Maybe Roger won 't notice . I 'll make coffee , too . " Santy and I chatted about commercialism , and when the coffee was ready , I also added a bit of homebrew in our cups . I sat across from him and asked the same old same , " Santy , I don 't get it . How can you go all over the world in one night ? And don 't give me that pixie dust crap . I 'm of an age . I Know Things . I 'm not easily fooled . " Santy held out his mug for more , and I filled it with more hooch than coffee . Well , how 'd I know about the Santy Claus Handbook ( of which I received a copy from Mrs . Santy the very next week - she sure was hornet - mad at me ) . It reads , " Warning ! Never mix alcohol with Santy Claus . If accidental ingestion occurs , please administer the anecdote of two parts elves ' tears to one part syrup of ipecac and then stand back . " We ate more cookies . We drank more white fire lightning . Santy giggled . Now folks , when a grown man , even Santy , giggles , it sounds sticky , gooey , weird . But I was all full up with how I got Santy to sit down and drink a few with me . " An American Shanta , an Italian Shanta ( hic ) a Frenchsh Shanta ( hic ) . " ( You all get the idea with the boozed - up dialect , so I will translate both mine and Santy 's slurs from here on out into regular language ) . Santy burped and said , " They 're my cousins , twice reproved . " Santy nodded , grabbed the jar , swigged right from it , held it out to me , and I did the same . I was feeling gigglied up myself by then . I moon - shined my eyes at Santy . His beard had more sweet crumbs in it , and his eyes were toddy - warm . Santy was strangely handsome in a red - suit - white - beard - I 've - had - too - much - booze kind of way . I 'd also forgotten something important : the Woman of Age Handbook reads , " Consumption of alcohol by a smart , savvy , intelligent , perceptive , all - knowing woman will render her completely idiotic , and worse , she loses all her powers gained from the ages . Plus , it rips through the retina to where even Santy looks hot . " " Well , you got those reindeers flying around , don 't you ? Huh ? " I grabbed the jar from him and took a good - sized glub . It burned fire down my throat and I began to feel invincible . And by God , if I didn 't feel prettier , smarter , sexier , and to top it off , full of know - it - allism ( but I didn 't know it was an ' ism ' then ) . " Tell me , what 's that about , Scanty Pause , as if I don 't wanna know . " Well , Santy fell out laughing . He slapped his knee and his belly really did shake like a bowl of jelly . It was flopping and a - going and looked so cute I had to pinch it , which I did . He said , " Mrs . Santy wouldn 't like that ! " But I knew he wouldn 't tell her . They never do , do they ? He said , " The reindeer come from Canada ! " Then he rolled his eyes as if I should know what all that meant . He slugged back more and banged the empty jar on the table . Then he let out a big whistle . Next I know , there 's clattering and thumping and all sorts of racket , and I 'll be - damned if his eight not - so - tiny Canadian Reindeer didn 't come tromping into my living room . They knocked over things and sniffed around . Santy said , " There 's Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen , Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen . " Santy just looked at me as if I was stupider than a worm . Then he snapped his fingers and the Canadian Reindeer tromped on out . Now , listen , I know those of you who are still around are thinking , " How come Roger hasn 't woken up with all this noise . " And I 'll answer by saying , " Well , hell if I know . I 'm shrugging . " Anyway … I got another jar and Santy grabbed it right out of my hands and drank it with throat - glubbing sounds to the tune of Deck the Halls . It was pretty cool . I asked , " Hon , how come you and your cousins don 't visit everywhere . Some kids don 't get presents . " I mean , there we were all comfy - cozy sweet , but there was that problem there . It brought a dark old nasty cloud in the room that wasn 't the Canadian Reindeer 's fault . . . To read the rest , click HERE ( Author 's note : I love to read my bio from when that story was published pre - 2009 - at the time I wasn 't a Publishing Editor nor was I a published author ! kewl ! Thanks to VAGABONDAGE PRESS for publishing this silly but fun - to - write story ! I will be mostly unplugging for much of the Christmas Holidays until after New Years - y ' all have a wonderful season ! ) SocialView Kathryn . Magendie 's profile on FacebookView katmagendie 's profile on TwitterView kathrynmagendie 's profile on PinterestRecent Comments Kat Magendie on Fruit Flies , and Monkeys , and … karenrsanderson on Fruit Flies , and Monkeys , and … Kat Magendie on Alone is not a dirty word , y … Barbara Forte Abate on Alone is not a dirty word , y … Kat Magendie on Alone is not a dirty word , y … Recent Posts Fruit Flies , and Monkeys , and Lonely Woman , oh my ! Some Traveling Tips . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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The hand - painted sheet of cardboard in the window of Shop - Rite bore the words CLOSE - OUT SPECIAL … BARGAIN - LOW PRICES ! ! ! What it did not say was STOCK UP FOR THE END OF THE WORLD or LAST - DAY - ZOMBIE - SALE . Signs like that carried the potential to incite panic and panic could turn to riot and riot in these conditions , with this many folks toting firearms in itchy hands and itchy fingers would be dangerous . As dangerous as what they said was headed our way . The parking lot was crowded with last minute cars and trucks , but mostly trucks , as the majority of Mississippians , especially small town Mississippians , prefer utility to fuel - efficiency . The vehicles that weren 't in motion , U - turning or K - turning , pulling in , pulling out , were idling and as ready to go as a John Dillinger get - away . I glanced into the cab of one such truck and crazy eyes peered back at me like some frightened animal from a hole . I didn 't recognize that face but as I moved on , I did see some folks I knew , that I had known for a lifetime , and raised my hand in what passes for a wave in these parts only to get a tight lipped nod from a few . Most just looked back expressionlessly as if I , with dead groping hands , might rip their car doors from their hinges and open their skulls for chili bowls . " We 've got good deals today , " he said , obstructively kind . " From light bulbs to lighter fluid , tomatoes to tortillas . And the canned goods of course . " " I mean it . If you can name it , we got it . And for cheap . And plenty enough for everybody . Pah - lent - tee . " And I walked off , escaping to my left . Behind me , the door dinged its hollow electric ding and Bobby started in on the same spiel with his next customer , saying out loud what the sign in his front window said only in its readers ' minds . And both avoiding the same truth . I grabbed a cart and wasn 't surprised that the back right wheel flopped uselessly when I pushed it as if it couldn 't determine whether it was coming or going . Shop - Rite only had hand - me - down carts and this particular model probably hadn 't driven true since it swung up and down the aisles of one of the chain grocery mega - joints in Littleton or Martin . As I looked down to kick the wheel into alignment , the smells of cheap perfume and baby powder swept me over . MaryAnne Gipson had been two grades below me in school . Most freshmen girls would murder to go to the prom with a junior , but not MaryAnne , not with me . She had turned me down colder than witches ' breasts . Now as she sped past me and my defunct shopping buggy , her left paw loaded down with a battery value - pack and a precarious tower of canned beans , her right slung around a baby of perhaps six months , I thought about asking her to reconsider . Her man had up and left her with that baby still in her belly instead of on her hip and that was back when survival had meant a completely different thing . But MaryAnne Gipson - Something - Or - Other went right on by , her eyes set on the check - out lines and her attention set on not tumbling her cargo . And I let her . I spun around and up aisle two stood Maude and Clutch McBeene , my Pops 's old railroad buddies and , besides me , the only two mourners at his funeral last spring . Maude had me sighted with a scowl that passed for her look of concern . There was a rifle in her fist . She waved her free hand . " No , I don 't mean what are you doing - doing . I mean what the H - E - double - L are you doing un - fricking - armed ? " I looked at her rifle . It was a relic of a World War and looked capable of felling a woolly mammoth . Then I looked down at my own hands . One rested flaccidly on the buggy handle with the words SHOP - RITE OR DON ' T SHOP AT ALL stenciled over the original proprietor 's name and logo . The other clutched a dozen large eggs . She spoke as she stalked towards me , Clutch following along behind like a dog tethered to the bumper of a slow - rolling automobile . " Look - here , you see this fricking crap ? " She snatched my carton of eggs and waved it in front of my face . " Worthless . If it has to be kept cold , it 'll ruin before you can eat it . Power 'll be gone soon , you can bet on it . So if it 's stocking up you 're here for , fill that buggy with bottled water and something canned . Maybe bags of rice . Jerky . Anything with big expiration dates and minimal prep . That 's short for prep - are - a - tion . Use your fricking head . " She slammed the eggs down and I heard a crunching - squishing sound as every yolk in my carton and the one below it was introduced to the outside world . Clutch 's eyes were downcast and he shook his head . " Dad - blamed zombies , " he muttered to the floor and me . " The dad - blamed mother - truckin ' undead , can you believe it ? " Maude McBeene , the murderer of twenty - four unborn chickens , rounded on him . " Yeah and what are you gonna do ? Fricking hurl curses at ' em ? " I saw that Clutch 's hands were as empty as mine . Maude turned back to me , the ammunition belts crisscrossed over her flannel shirt sparkling with brassy reflections of Bobby Lancaster 's fluorescents . " Look - here , you need to get cowboyed up with some iron and ammo once you finish up here . No two ways about it , you hear ? I suggest a rifle , high caliber if ' n you can place a hand on one - " " Now hang on just a second . " Clutch 's voice sounded full of timid certainty . " He never said he wanted to tote a gun , Maude . Matter of fact , I reckon that if that 's what he wanted , he 'd just scoot on down to Paulie 's and buy one for hisself . You gotta stop projecting yourself onto everybody around you . " Then he got more timid than certain . " I love you , sis , but you do . " Maude 's breath pulled in and her knuckles turned white around her own piece of iron that had no more come from Paulie 's Sporting Goods than Adolf Hitler had come from Utah . " Projecting ? What are you , fricking Sigmund Freud ? This ain 't projecting Clutchey . Heck - o , it 's just being fricking smart . These things are coming and if they don 't get shot , " she shook her gun and the shells inside rattled like a baby 's toy , " they will kill you in a fricking atrocious manner . Now , if being breakfast for some moaning , foot - dragging , slack - jawed , fricking dead - undead goon sounds fine by you , well then … " She spread her arms in a surrendering cruciform . " But if you 'd rather stay alive and uneaten , like me , then I suggest you get over your gun - phobia and arm yourself with more than just a load of that pacifist - psychology - hogwash . " She spun back towards me with a pointed finger . " That goes for you too , buddy . " There was a moment of awkwardness in which I watched yellow goo glop out of the busted egg cartons and onto the tile floor . Folks passed us by like a shallow stream around three boulders . You could feel the tense terror radiating off them like a brush fire that could catch wind and be out of control in an instant . Finally , I looked back up at the McBeenes . " What 's your … " I floundered but there was only one word for it really . " What 's your plan , Maude ? " Clutch looked up and caught my eyes before trailing them back to the floor . I nodded . " Clutch . " " See all these other folks ? " She paused and we scanned around at all the scurrying little ants , gathering stores and scurrying , scurrying , scurrying . " Most of these folks are going to ground . Storm shelters and the like . And that 's alright if this thing don 't turn to fighting , but me ? I 'd rather see what 's coming . " " I 'm talking about high ground . Tactical fricking advantage . I 'm talking about not being trapped down in some cellar like a mole in a hole . " She startled me then by hoisting her rifle and peering down the barrel at as - yet unseen creatures . " I 'm talking about fricking picking these gut - bags off one by one . Putting a slug of lead in anyone or any thing that makes toward me or my kin , even if all that amounts to is my half - wit Clutchey . " " Sure do . Muddy Pine Ridge . I do my deer hunting up there and I 've got a stand . It 's one of those industrial - sized jobs big enough for three persons and supplies and what - not . So we 're getting what we need - what will last - and then we 're picking up Clutch 's pressure medicine at Baxter 's and hiking up there before … well , before you know . " After a moment 's contemplation , she looked over at Clutch and nodded . " You wanna be our third guy ? If ' n you ain 't got nowhere else ? " I didn 't . Have anywhere else , that is . Embarrassingly enough , my plan was to get eggs , milk , and bread and then go back to my trailer and lock the door . Maybe board up the windows if things got hairy . In the stark clarity of hindsight , I realize I would have been dead or worse by moonrise that first night . But before I could answer , and as if summoned magically by the mere mention of his name , Doug Baxter walked by and Maude 's attention shifted . " Doug , is the drug store closed ? We 've got something to get filled . Clutchey 's pressure pills . We want to buy as much of them pills as you got and don 't give me no hogwash about not having enough refills or insurance or any of that . " Two summers ago , I had an abscessed tooth . A back molar . It felt like someone had stabbed my gums with something pointy but not quite sharp , like a pie server . Repeatedly . The pain was such that I didn 't flinch at going to a high - dollar dentist over in Littleton to get it seen about . I 'll never forget the sideways way Doug Baxter had looked first at my pain prescription and then at me . That sideways glare had a way of making you feel like a drug - seeking criminal even if all you wanted was for the pain to stop for twenty minutes so you can eat a meal consisting of something other than mashed potatoes . " Eddie Dill from the parts store said his cousin saw them , " he said , his voice sounding far away and oddly unconcerned . " Coming up from Martin . I asked him was he sure , that the news said they 's coming down . Down the east coast , down , down . That would give us a day at the least , maybe more with luck . But Eddie said he 's sure . Up from Martin . So there 's really no time at all . " " Door 's open , " the pharmacist continued . " I propped it back with a cement block . The shelves are alphabetical from left to right . Take what you need if it 's still there , Maude . " Then he nodded and muttered , " Clutch . " And he stalked away . Just then Bobby Lancaster came jogging up . His smile was gone , replaced by a 12 - gauge side - by - side laid over his forearm . He looked like a frantic pheasant hunter . " Good . Okay , good . " He hefted his shotgun and seemed surprised that it was still there . " We 've got a pretty good set up here . I sent Biggers and some of the boys out for lumber to board up the front windows . We 've got food and drink and a generator and radios and you - name - it - we - got - it . Figured we 'd make a go of it right here . " His eyeballs swelled when they fell on Maude 's rifle . " You three are welcome to pitch in with us . " Maude shook her head and her jowls jiggled unflatteringly . " Thanks Bobby , but zombies or no zombies and Clutchey here 'll die without his prescription . And we 've gotta plan after we go to Baxter 's to pick it up . Ain 't that right Clutchey ? " I had no immediate answer . In my mind , I was up on Muddy Pine Ridge , spooning cold pinto beans from a can with two hooked fingers , watching silently as the hoards of undead flowed along beneath us , picking off the few that lifted their eyes usward . Then , I was in Shop - Rite . The lights pulsed weakly as the gennie roared from some unseen place behind me . The sound of glass shattering . Impacts on the makeshift plywood barriers . The volume of the moans rising with each collective fist bang like the bleep of a dying EKG . " We need to hurry , " she said . " If you can drive this thing , I 'll fill it up . Bobby , where do you keep the fricking Moon - pies ? " The cement block was there just like Dougie had said , but there were also glittering diamonds of broken glass on the sidewalk from where someone had put another such brick through the front picture window seemingly for the thrill of it . Greeting cards and envelopes fluttered out through the open doorway like a bevy of released pigeons . Even the shingle out front that read BAXTER ' S DISCOUNT DRUGS - YOUR FAMILY RX SHOPPE hung on a vicious slant from its one remaining chain . The McBeenes 's four - wheel drive Scout , newly loaded down with crinkling paper grocery sacks in the back , me riding shotgun , and the McBeenes themselves , puttered up to the curb . Maude threw the shifter up into park . Then , she leaned back and watched Baxter 's with a gunslinger 's steely eye . Maude firmed her rifle 's stock up on her shoulder and puckered her left eye . I wanted to ask if that was a reference to the broken teeth yawn of Dougie 's front window , the general disarray of the store , or the quality of Alan 's earlier work , but then I heard a rattling coming from behind the counter and my unspoken question was answered . What wasn 't right was that the looting was not a done deal . It was still in progress . The rattling came in spurts and as we drew closer , we could make out muttered curses between each series of rattles . " … fudgin ' , dumpin ' , mother - truckin ' open … gull - dern - it now open , OPEN … " Followed by more rattling , as rapid as machine gun fire but not as loud . We walked past the PICK UP LINE BEGINS HERE … PRIVACY IS OUR POLICY sign . The cash register drawer was out and empty , even the pennies . The mini - refrigerator 's door swung lazily on its hinges , vials of insulin lay crushed or up - ended on its shelves and in a rough semicircle around it . Medication stock bottles littered everywhere . And at the far end of the behind - the - counter area , on his knees in front of the locked cabinet from which the original sideways skeptical Doug Baxter , RPh had retrieved the pills that had stayed the stabbing pie - server pain of my hopelessly abscessed molar , was the muttering rattler himself . " Shut your filthy mouth and reach for the rafters before you turn to face me … " She snuck a quick peek over at me . " I mean ' us ' . " The rattling stopped , the muttering curses , too . Over our heads , Marty was paying his last visit to Rosa 's Cantina . The looter removed his hand from the cabinet where he had been pulling for all he was worth and then some and raised his hands like a scarecrow . Then he knee - walked around to face us . I had gone to junior college with Denny Beck . We were good friends , not good enough to split texts or car pool , but just short of that . Certainly if he had a drug problem I would have heard of it . And the cherry - top was the fact that Denny Beck was Doug Baxter 's brother - in - law . Denny 's sister had become Doug 's second wife years ago , so technically speaking , Denny was robbing his own kin . I guess nothing blurs the lines of familial loyalty quite like the impending doom of a gruesome death . His face turned incredulous . " What does it look like I 'm doing ? Most of the Okay Stuff 's already been taken so I 'm trying to get to the Really Good Stuff . In the lock - up . What are you doing ? " It was Maude who answered . " We are getting medication . For blood pressure . And then we are going to leave Dougie enough cash to cover it and then we are leaving . You , on the other hand , are leaving right fricking now . " She puckered that left eye and there was no doubt who she was looking at with her right one . But Denny ignored the threat . In fact , he looked like a bright idea had just struck him . " Hey , " he said , drawing out the word . " Reckon that gun could bust this mother - humping lock ? I bet it will . Say , if you 'd go all Calamity Jane on this here lock I 'll go halfsies on what 's inside . " Denny threw his hands down and punched out his lower lip like a child throwing a tantrum . He kicked at a stock bottle and didn 't catch it squarely . It spun below him , mockingly non - habit - forming . " Puh - lease , you guys ! " Denny pleaded . " You know what they say is coming , right ? I don 't want to be coherent when they pull me apart , do you ? I 've heard Doug talk about the euphoria these pills can cause and I WANT ME SOME OF THAT , OKAY ? Is that so wrong ? Is that so criminal ? I don 't even care if I take so much it kills me . Seems a better way to go , doesn 't it ? " Then , his final plea to Maude , the one with the cabinet 's key wedged against her shoulder and pointed dead between his eyes . " You shoot out that lock and I 'll just get what I need and you can help yourself to the rest . I won 't even tell Doug if you don 't pay . " She lowered her rifle and put a bullet in the floor between Denny 's feet . The pharmacy rang like a bell and poor Denny jumped like a jackrabbit on crack . Maude bolted the rifle and had it re - shouldered in a blur . Denny whimpered like a whipped hound but he left it . His shoes squished in his bladder 's leavings as he left . Never before had I seen a more sullen person . " Now , " Maude said once the squishing had trailed off and we were all alone . " It 's called metoprolol tartrate which is a pretty stupid name for anything if ' n you ask me , especially something that old folks ' lives depend on , but nevermind all that . Let 's just find it and get gone . Muddy Pine Ridge lay just on the western edge of town in an undeveloped area the Two Forks folks thought was theirs . A few years back , the town 's aldermen pegged Muddy Pine Ridge as a potential site for a new industrial park . They got as far as running power lines and water mains out there to the north side of the highway before the collective Two Fork 's voice shouted its disapproval . The endeavor was halted . But in addition to the pipes that had never held water and the wires that had never hummed with electricity , there was an access road that had barely borne an automobile . The Scout made it almost a mile up that road before a downed tree blocked our path and forced us to stop . Almost a mile , but each and every inch was one I had expected to hike , so I can 't say I was disappointed . " Don 't worry , " she said as she readjusted the plastic - wrapped case of water on her shoulder . " When we get high and dry , we 'll take turns with the rifle . Me first , then you , and then back and forth . Just do not pass it over to Clutchey . Guns make him nervous and he 's liable to go into panic mode if he 's to touch one . So , just me and you , okay ? " " Alright , sure . " There was something bothering me and I wanted to ask it before we got " high and dry " although I guess it was already too late . " Hey , Maude ? " " Good - gosh no . We 're not talking about fricking bears here , okay ? " She shot a glance back over her shoulder at her brother who was his typical three steps behind . " And keep your voice down with that talk . " The rest of the walk was quiet and not just because we didn 't talk . Whether by means of shock or anticipation , Mother Nature was also hushed . No birds chirped or beat wings in the pine branches . No squirrels scurried in the underbrush . Nothing moved but us . No sounds but for our feet crunching rhythmically through the forest floor . After a while , the silence must 've gotten to Clutch because he began to hum out Waylon Jenning 's theme to The Dukes of Hazzard , softly at first and rising gradually to full bravado . We didn 't stop him ; he carried a decent tune and if the truth be told , the silence was bothering more than just him . Then he started singing the lyrics in addition to humming the interludes and before I knew it , I 'd joined right in . Maude , too . And just as we 'd begun to tweak out the three part harmonies , we were there . The deer stand was as large and capable as Maude had promised . The platform was bolted to a thick oak about thirty feet up . Camouflage netting hung down from a makeshift roof that consisted of a single sheet of green spray - painted fiberglass laid over a wooden framework . An extension ladder , also bearing a sloppy coat of the green paint leaned against the tree 's trunk just below the stand . There was a pause . We all looked up at it , craning our necks , and Clutch and I hefted our loads . We looked down at the awkward bundle of bottled waters . Then we looked back up , following the long line of the ladder with our eyes . I felt like Moses looking over into Canaan . Maude grinned impishly and spoke where only I could hear . " Same way me and your ole Pops used to do things working on the railroad , God - rest - his - soul . " Then she favored me with a wink that was kindhearted , almost motherly , before raising her voice loud enough for us both . " Assembly line , Clutchey . Ass - sem - bull - ee line . And you just volunteered to be at the end of it . Go on and put your sacks down and get your hinnie up there . " Clutch did as ordered . As did I and two minutes later , I took the first paper sack from Maude and twisted to pass it up over my head to her brother . Then , the next sack and the next . It was quiet again and at one point Clutch tried to pick up the Waylon tune again but when no one joined in he shut up . That moment had passed and Maude and I , at least , were not willing to revisit it . The last sack , containing bags of wild rice and marshmallows , vacuum - sealed packages of beef jerky , a four - roll pack of toilet paper , and a half - eaten bag of pretzels , was passed up . Finally came the waters , which nearly tumbled me from the ladder . It shook and groaned and a sprinkling of crushed tree bark fell to the ground from where it leaned against the oak before I was able to complete my turnabout and pass the God - forsaken water up to Clutch . Below me , Maude swiped her forehead with the back of her arm and took a long cautious look around . " Alright Clutchey . I 'm gonna pass up the rifle now so I can climb . Just grab it here and here and prop it up in the corner of the stand and I 'll get it when I get up there , okay ? " She handed the rifle up to me and I grabbed it by the barrel and handed it on up to Clutch . He looked like he 'd rather touch a coiled up cobra but he took it , gripping it in the places that Maude had instructed . And the instant he had it leaned up in the back corner of the stand , we heard something . It looked no more than sixteen years old . Blonde hair parted to right . Slim . Athletic . It even wore a black and yellow Martin Track and Field T - shirt . It was the All - American Zombie and it was on Maude before any of us could have said Jack Sprat . It dug into the soft area where Maude 's neck became her shoulder . Blood cascaded down her front in a red bib that stretched into an apron . " Clutchey , " she shouted as she tried to use her balled fists to beat it off with no effect . " Shoot him , Clutchey ! Fricking shoot , shoot , shoot ! " But Clutch McBeene was nothing more than a frozen face above me , his eyes and mouth wide . " Shoot this fricking thing , Clutchey . SHOOT ! " And then the last thing , just before it worked around to her vocal cords , " I 'm sorry , Clutchey . Take your medicine . " And her voice was gone in a guttural snap . I have no memory of the rest of my climb , but suddenly I was pulling myself up onto the stand 's platform and shoving Clutch aside . The ever - troublesome God - forsaken case of water was in the center of platform and I tripped over it , sending it nearly over the edge and myself nearly head - first into Maude 's gun . I struggled up to my hands and knees . That low roar was growing behind me as the thing had almost reached to top of the ladder . Yelling for Clutch to get - down - by - golly - get - down , I grabbed the gun , thumbed off the safety , and spun around . But I didn 't spin all the way around ; I couldn 't . I tried again , yanking harder this time , to no avail . One final pull and the gun 's weight settled on me completely as the dark green netting ripped . I pinched the hand - sanded wooden stock close to my side with my arm , pointed it in the direction from which I 'd come , and squeezed the trigger . The bullet caught it square in the chest , between the R and A of Track , and a big red rose of exploded skin blossomed there . Then it was stumbling backward , pinwheeling its arms on the edge of the platform just before it fell . I heard a meaty thud from thirty feet below . But that sound , that mindless moan , never stopped . I scrambled over to the platform 's edge , this time with the rifle 's stock firmly on my shoulder , and watched with one part amazement and one part nauseating certainty as the thing regained its feet . It looked up and saw me with eyes that shouldn 't see . Shivering , I pulled back on the gun 's bolt and ejected the empty casing . Then I sighted it in the dead center of the thing 's forehead , took a deep calming breath , and squeezed the trigger on the exhale . I tried again . Click again . The thing began to smile , blood so dark it looked like chocolate syrup dripped from the rising corners of its mouth . I pulled open the bolt and saw that the chamber was empty and then I felt my stomach knot into a cramping fist . Maude 's body lay on the forest floor , a crumpled and lifeless gore , with two ammo belts criss - crossing her chest . She might as well have been on the surface of the Moon . It , the thing , smiled even wider , its teeth red - stained with Maude 's blood . Then it stepped up to the ladder and again began to climb . But he didn 't hear . Evidently , seeing his big sister eaten alive had proven too much for his ticker . His right hand was death - clutching his left shoulder and his lips were already blue . There were banana Moon - Pie crumbs still on his flannel button - up , but he was gone . There was only one option and it simultaneously saved my life and doomed it . I threw Maude 's useless gun aside and sat on the edge of the stand . My heel swung like a pendulum and struck the side of the ladder . Reverberations traveled up my body , chattering my teeth , but I swung again . Again my heel hit the ladder and this time , I felt it shift to the left . Still the thing kept climbing . Its groaning had turned into bad - humored laughter and deep in the distance of Muddy Pine Ridge , obscured by the leafy boughs of the forest , I heard that laughter echoed countless times over . I raised my foot and swung again , screaming in terror and pain and effort as my heel impacted the steel of the ladder . There was a scrape of metal on wood and the slightest touch of a finger on my sneaker and the ladder was falling . Falling , falling , falling ; the only way they could reach me , the only way I could escape . That first night I worked . I pulled down all the netting and braided it into rope . Then , I attached my belt on the end . It was as close to a grapple as I could manage . But when the dawn arrived , Maude 's body was gone . Whether it was carried away in the darkness by the creatures or became a creature and simply stood up and walked off , I do not know . However it went , it carried the ammunition with it , robbing my makeshift grapple of a purpose . After that point , I began to lose all sense of the passage of time . I ate and drank as little as possible . I dozed in short fitful nightmarish spans . I relieved myself over the edge of the platform . I hummed old country and western tunes to drown out the moaning monsters beneath me . And I thought . In the beginning , my thoughts centered around things I had no control over . I thought about the folks holed up at Shop - Rite and when I began to feel envious of them , I was careful to remind myself that there was no reason to suspect that they were fairing any better . I thought about the crystalline structure of the world , of the governments from local to state to federal . I thought about the National Guard . I thought about the Marines . I thought about survival of the fittest and I thought about the lack of helicopters beating the air over my head . Sometimes I would become so lost in my thinking , I would see the faces of people I knew in the dead faces passing below me . I saw MaryAnne Gipson and her baby . Except they weren 't alive , they were them . Gray skin , blood smattered mouths that gaped at odd angles , and eyes with no life behind them . Then I blinked and they were gone . But they never stayed gone . Sometimes it was Dougie Baxter or Denny Beck or even good ole Bobby Lancaster groping up at me . Sometimes it 's names I can 't remember but faces I 've seen around town . Once I even saw myself , whether by premonition or delirium , I cannot be sure . I thought about metoprolol tartrate and how much it would take to kill a man . More than once , I poured out a handful of the oblong peach tablets and considered knocking it back and washing them down with the last of the bottled water . But I 've heard that some drugs kill you slow and I didn 't know enough about Clutch 's pressure pills to give it a try . So I always dumped the pills back into the bottle . Kevin Winter lives and writes in Northern Mississippi . His work may be found in Bartleby Snopes , The Battered Suitcase , Full of Crow , The Medulla Review , and The Dead Mule School of Southern Literature . Until the completion of his website , he may be contacted at kswinterrx @ yahoo . com . Follow @ PantheonMag Pantheon Magazine would like to … be a home for great fiction , art and poetry . Each quarter , we plan to give you great content that 's free to access , no need to register . We pay for fiction because we are writers ourselves , and know the hard work that goes into creating a good piece of fiction . We want to mess with your head , one piece of amazing prose at a time . Blog at WordPress . com .
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Let 's face it , Christmas vacation means goofing off and having fun . This was Grace acting silly on a nature walk that her and Kara took to find some good pictures to take . Having these kids home for almost two whole weeks is a blast . I mean it ! Two nights ago , we had game and craft night and we had chips and chili dip as well as a hot artichoke / sun dried tomato dip which yes , some of my kids did like it ! That 's okay , mom loves it and would 've eaten the whole works . No need for chips or crackers . = ) Last night the girls had a friend over and they watched a movie , then we all sat down for Gold Rush and Flying Wild Alaska . It was a fun night . Levi and I also got to card a little bit of wool he 's very into that . I 'm going through a lot of these . This morning for example I used 15 eggs , I made a batch of 15 caramel rolls and 1 1 / 2 jugs of juice . YIKES ! Through the last week , we 've also went 6 loafs of bread alone . Thank goodness we raise a lot of our own food . This could get expensive . = ) We 've also gotten a lot of chores done . We cleaned up around down by the cattle lots , the yard , the actual feedlot , the house , and hopefully before they go back , the shop . Yeah , they could stay home another three weeks and I 'd have stuff for them to do . = ) Today we worked 140 head . What was different today was we only had to work 140 head . . . . and that it was December 28th and we were only wearing sweatshirts . It was awesome ! ! Cow boogies in my mouth . Contrary to popular believe you don 't need to be right by their face when that happens . They have some blowing power . When your standing there shooting the breeze with the vet tech and the cow beside you has an itchy muzzle , well , just watch out is all I can say . Mouth open + cow snot = disgusting . Poop on my sleeve . Usually that 's a given . New rations and a cow that 's been on grass , sometimes equals runny poop . But as I was pulling off back tags off this wild baldie cow , out of nowhere there was her tail and she splashed me with crap . Both of these things happened within minutes of each other I just want you to know . I wanted the vet to look at Fluffy Bear 's upper lip and above her gums . So I tried to call her over to us ( the big baby wriggled out of my arms about nine times . . . did I mention she 's 125 pounds ? ) SO Vicki sat on her front half with her screaming and bawling . . . picture it , Kristen hadn 't even touched her yet . She was so scared that as I was holding on to her back end , she peed on my leg . We run an old cow through the chute and Vicki points out a big puss sore on a her hip . It had to be the size of a salad plate . The poor thing 's hip was broke or at least the cap , it abscessed and broke through the skin . GRODY ! We gave her a bunch of meds and are hoping for the best . She 's not limping which is good . She 's one of the ones we got in in the last week , but this obviously happened before her arrival here . But now she 's in good hands ! Christmas Eve . . . . what a special night . For some it 's getting together with extended family , for others it 's opening gifts , for some it 's people that can 't be with their families . I really pray for the last bunch . Here at the Fairchild Farm , things really got heated up : " Where do you think Santa hid the presents Mom ? " an excited Grace asked me . " No idea , " I said as I worked on the mountain of dishes that I had to wash . Ron and Cody were at church ( I go tomorrow with the girls , long mass gets little kids whiny , nuf said . ) we don 't have a chimney , so Santa has to expertly hide gifts somewhere outside , ( without getting caught by eight policing children ) . I had to grab them out of my closet , through the french doors of our bedroom , slap them into the bed of the 4 wheeler , then look for a place to hide them . While not looking suspicious with sparkling red wrapped boxes whipping around the farm looking for a place to hide them . One time I even lost one and had to go back for it . Eeks . So while we wait for Santa , we will eat , Meatloaf Supper was finally over , the table was cleaned off . They were getting all the presents out of mom & dad 's closet to put under the tree . All of the sudden . . . . Then , ma and pa ( that 's us ) hunker quietly in the bathroom with the lights off as all the kids trudge with their winter gear out to the sheep barn . Why ? I don 't know either , its almost 50 degrees and there 's no snow . Pa gets an idea in his head that he has to go to the back of the house to sound like Santa . . . . not sure the kids heard , but I 'm glad your getting into it Pa . The kids find all their gifts ! Woohooo ! Time to celebrate ! She comes in empty handed with a tiny tear out of her eye . Has ma , err , um Santa lost his mind ? ? ? No present for Rachel ? Quick . . . slap on my bootsNo time for a coatShe 's still crying . Hop on the four wheelerVroom vroom ! All over the farmAll through the barns . . . Nothing . " NO ! Go in the bonus room and look there ! What the heck Big D ? " I look at him in utter disgust for the both of us . . Really . . . have I fried my brain ? Am I going through dementia ? I 'm 37 . . . . whats going on with me ? We open our presents and have a great time . All the while the guilt is reeling in my broken down brain at what a bad mom I was , when Ron stands up and yelled , " Mom ! The present for Rachel . . . is in the shop ! " We forgot what Santa had bought her was in the side room of the shop . . . a brand new bike . In the end , we just said it was from us . She loved it and wouldn 't ' stop riding it . We 're only partially dork parents . Merry Christmas to all , and to all a good night ! Fairchild Farmgirl Or this one . . . they are both really cool . And they are both taken by my nephew , Tyler . Wait a second , when did you get old enough to take these kind of pictures ? Wasn 't I still changing your diapers only 18 short years ago ? Or around that time ? I 'm so old I forget . On a serious note , for being 20ish , he ranks right up there with my favorite artists like Nancy Cawdrey or Martin Grelle , but he does photography . I would love to say he got his creative side from his aunt Suzanne , but his mom used to take some awesome pictures too . Also , Tyler has bought all his own photography equip during and since high school . He 's always been an impressive guy . . . anyway , check out his website . He 's really got some breathtaking shots . It 's really exciting for me as family to watch him evolve into this great artist . http : / / www . tylerjphoto . com / It did just happen yesterday . Last night to be exact . We had a Christmas party with some relatives , I 'm in the kitchen cooking supper . . . it 's quiet . . . . all I hear is the TV . Something 's wrong . I hear faint giggles coming form my bedroom . Not good . I open the door and about 20 presents are unwrapped and Maggie and Levi are playing with them . The wrapping paper is mangled and it 's too hard to see who got what for who . I punted . We were out of tape and had mere scraps of wrap left . I got the yellow masking tape and used the torn scraps to wrap them up . We 'll see how bad I screwed up tomorrow night . = ) " Since its inception in 2003 , Art from Ashes ( AfA ) has provided poetry and creative workshops to high - risk youth , facilitating expression , connection and transformation among the most neglected and vulnerable segments of our community . Executive Director Catherine O ' Neill Thorn has been conducting transformational poetry and spoken word workshops at juvenile detention facilities , treatment centers , and schools - including post - trauma workshops for Columbine High School students - since 1992 . When statewide funding for youth programs was cut in 2003 , Thorn was motivated to establish a nonprofit to serve struggling youth with a proven process that helps build strong interpersonal skills , encourages literacy , and empowers young people to lead confident , violence - free lives . AfA has since provided creative workshops with more than 60 partnering organizations for more than 3 , 000 young people who have survived traumatic events , are victims of abuse , neglect and / or poverty , and are at risk for or engaged in destructive behaviors . Moving beyond contemporary therapeutic models and arts programming , AfA provides a forum through creative expression for recognizing and acknowledging previous traumas ; removing the barriers that isolate young people from each other , from caring adults , and from society ; and allowing youth to experience health and hope rather than the expectation of further victimization . " - from their website I know I missed yesterday 's blog , but amidst Christmas Concerts and as CCD coordinator our Christmas party of making and mailing all the people that attend our parish Christmas cards , I got home , looked around and still had to clean up after seven kids and put some to bed . Then after that , I had to work on some ornaments I had made for friends . So with that said , since this is a two person tub and I would NEVER take a bath with Ron ( I 'm a good Catholic girl ! =) ) I 'm counting this blog as two . I know you don 't understand my dimwitted math , but trust me on this . . . k ? Let me start out by saying , this tub is big . If you 've been in my house before , you know that the measurements of this tub means we would have to take out the vanity , toilet , and medicine cabinet out of our one bathroom . The good thing is that Ron would get that outhouse he always wanted , the downside is he 'd still be sharing it with a bunch of girls . The poor man can 't win ! In all seriousness , there has been many a day that I would have loved to jump in one after being chased by working cattle . When I 'm covered in sweat , puss and nut sack residue ( by the way , if there is such a thing as nut sack residue it would have found my shirt and arms . . . I 'm convinced . So far I 've always missed the bomb that goes off when you hike their tail up ) . Anyway , my favorite Christmas memory is about a bath tub , sort of . Going to my grandparents house for Christmas . Our homes couldn 't be more different . We lived in a shack , they lived in a mansion a stones throw from Lake of The Isles in Minneapolis . Our house had about 6 rooms , theirs 17 . The best was when we would first get there . Now , we had " sometimes plumbing " in our farmhouse . Sometimes it worked , sometimes it didn 't . We would go to the neighbor 's well and stock up for the week , keep water in a stock tank . No I 'm not kidding . Anyway , when we would get to my grandparents house , we would play for a while , then we would get to take baths . . . in their tub . With hot water that wasn 't warmed up on a wood stove . I know , I 'm 37 , not 87 . These were the eighties that this happened in . When agriculture was in the toilet . Anyway , back to the mansion . We would get to take a glorious bath every night . My fondest memories are not of the presents , the seven course meals , the Santa gifts . . . My grandparents have past away , but my grandma loved to hear me tell that story . I know it made her feel good that she helped out in that way . To this day , I still love that soap . My charity for the day is : People Serving People http : / / peopleservingpeople . org / It 's the biggest homeless shelter in Minneapolis MN and you can donate , volunteer and much more . Go to their website and read all about it . Here 's a blurb from their website : What distinguishes PSP from other emergency shelters is the broad range of on - site programs and services designed to address common barriers that homeless families are faced with . To provide a new opportunity for families , it is necessary that we help them find ways to break through these barriers and stop patterns that lead to poverty and homelessness . Housing and employment issues are addressed , along with educational , emotional and life enrichment needs . " From their site A carved wooden door from Summit Handcrafted Log Homes . I wanted cattle in the feedlot scene , Ron said he wanted this exactly how it is with this deer . Because with this gift , I have to share you know . = ) Of course this can 't happen until we build our new house when we don 't have little hands wreaking havoc in our home . BUT STILL before I die ( which I better have at least another 40 good years out of this bag of bones ) , this company will make me one . If you like this , check out the rest of the site . . . the have a double door that has a tree carved into it . It honestly looks like you are walking right through it . You have to see it . That 's all I can say . www . summithandcrafted . com They are truly artistic masters ! My great Christmas memory for today is this : Getting a huge box of Christmas cookies from my grandma Mayer every year . I remember digging through them , as they were froze from the trip by mail in the dead of winter . For some reason I can remember the chocolate chips and M & Ms would about break your teeth . But my siblings and I didn 't even care . We didn 't get this type of goodies very often and my grandma was the best baker ever . She died 20 years ago . . . GULP ! She was the greatest . I wish my kids would 've gotten to meet her . They would 've loved her and my grandpa Norbie . They would always make sure they had a sack full of pennies for us and some Nips caramel candy . I want to be just like them ! Miracles happen when people willingly serve others . When Charles and Donna Cooley became aware that many children have never had a toy , they formulated their motto , " We may not be able to make a toy for every child in the world that needs one - - but we 're going to try ! " The seeds of their service were planted in a small workshop at their home near Cedar City , Utah in 1995 . They made a couple hundred toys that were humbly offered to Primary Children 's Medical Center . The toys were received with such enthusiasm and gratitude that the Cooleys made more and donated them locally to the Canyon Creek Women 's Crisis Center , Cedar City Care and Share , the Presbyterian Church , and within the state of Utah to Shriner 's Hospital , Ronald McDonald House and worldwide . They named their workshop " The Happy Factory " because of the happiness it brings to them and to the children who receive the wooden toys . In the process , they have learned that toys are not simply playthings , but tools that help unlock a child 's ability to think and to cope with the world around them . What started as a hobby has turned into a full time labor of love . Since their humble beginnings , The Happy Factory has welcomed volunteers of every age - - including juvenile offenders in three state correctional facilities . There are no paid salaries . The Happy Factory is a 501 ( c ) 3 non - profit organization . All the materials they use are donated and all of the toys are made by volunteers . Every toy is donated to a child in need . The toys are made of scraps of hardwood donated by a local cabinet maker . Unfortunately , there are a few expenses for wheels and axles , saw blades , building maintenance costs and other miscellaneous items . The Happy Factory workers are toy makers , not fundraisers . It costs approximately eighty five cents per toy for wheels and axles . They gratefully accept donations of materials , time , and money . A carved moose antler . Isn 't this amazing ? I always marvel at the many , many cool pieces there are in this country . When Big D and I are out and about looking at different art out west , we have seen a few of these , but none this good . This carver hails from Dubois , Wy . his name is Monte Baker . I hope he has a shop or gallery to visit , next time we are out that way I would love to see these in person . Now , I know I didn 't blog yesterday and tell about what I wanted on the 7th day of Christmas , but you know what ? This guy is so good that he can account for two days . Think of the time and skill this takes ? I had to show you one more . . . look at the pine tree . A - M - A - Z - I - N - G ! Taking all my kids shopping at the local drug / gift store in our little town the week before Christmas . Here 's what 's cool about it . I take along all the kids so each child can shop for their siblings . It 's so fun to see what they would pick out for their siblings . " Mom ! Cody NEEDS this ! " As Levi points to a a hunting magazine . " Nahhh , me want it ! " He giggles . This is also a great way to show kids that Christmas isn 't all about them , because they need to think of others too . He was the only one that cried when he couldn 't get what he wanted . He sat by the register on the floor sad as can be . Too bad I remarked as I smiled to the high school clerk and to everybody around me . He 's gotta learn sometime . My charity for the day is : The Last Great Race : Iditarod You can buy a membership and that 's your donation ! THEN you get cool stuff ! Here 's their website : http : / / www . iditarod . com / " The fabric of any membership organization is judged by the number , loyalty and active involvement of its members . ' The Last Great Race on Earth ' is annually run against the most scenic landscape on earth in the harshest weather Mother Nature can provide . The ITC depends on member volunteers to stage the world 's premier sled dog race . Mushers feel privileged to train , coach and encourage the outstanding athletic dogs that run the race . I feel privileged to be an ITC member and invite YOU to join us in celebrating Alaska 's state sport in the ' Last Frontier . ' Catch the spirit and enjoy the benefits . " - Leelan Larsen , President of the Board Sincerely , All my family home hanging out together . Ashlyn is home for the weekend and we have all pitched in to help her with a gift for her dad and step mom . Yes , I didn 't believe it either when I first heard of it . I was bar tending one night , D and I were dating and he was watching Ashlyn for me . Ash called to tell me that " Ron had fixed my pants mom ! " " Huh ? ? " YES Big D is a man of many talents . He can sew . . . . and his wife can 't . I can hand stitch , but not use a sewing machine . Back to Christmas present . This year , I told the kids that they had a limit of $ 5 per sibling and the three older kids had to contribute $ 2 per child . " WHAT ? " was their initial reaction , but then they started to plan straight away what they were going to get everybody . When I met Ash and her dad in Olivia last night , she took care of her shopping in Alco . On the way home , I asked her if she 'd gone shopping for her dad and step mom . " sigh , no . I don 't know what I 'd even get them and I don 't have money . " " Well , lets make them something cool . " was my response . Of course I got eyes rolling , they didn 't leave her head so that was a plus . = ) " Like what ? " " Lets do a fiber art wall hanging . " Puleeezzzzeeee ! Don 't challenge the great craftin ' momma . " Were going to and it will be fun . AND yes , we will get it done . " More eye rolling . No I had never done anything like that . She can sew with a sewing machine , the last time I did was when I was her age , a long long time ago . None the less , we got home and we figured out how big it was going to be and then she drew out a pattern . Then , she picked out fabric from the rag bins where we have old shirts , jeans , sheets etc . Just waiting for some kid to do a project with them . Then she went to bed . . . . BUT it 's so neat . . . she drew a picture of their dog at the lake on the dock , with pine trees in the background . For a 12 year old she did excellent . She wasn 't happy with her sewing job around the pine trees , but like I told her , once your dad knows that you have about 15 hours in it , he will love it ! He better . = ) Kara getting cards and pictures out for family . What a helper ! Not to cheat you out of a Christmas memory , but this will go down as one of my favorites . I know I was making a gift for my ex and his wife , but it was so fun helping out Ashlyn . However , she 's not the only crafty one . This is the second year that Cody has made his gifts for every one . Last year he learned how to make shelves in wood shop , so every body got a shelf . Now , he did some sandblasting in shop class , so he is making a sandblasted mirror for everyone . I love my family . Just like I told Big D , you don 't need a lot of money , homemade gifts are fun to make and give . For a charity , I 'm going to tell you about what I heard today as we were all pig piled in our bed . It was me , D , about 5 kids and we were talking to my sister Betsy on the phone . She had mentioned that the " in thing " to do is go to Walmart or Kmart and see if there is anyone in danger of losing their layaway from non payment . If there is , pay it for them . There 's a lot of people losing jobs , or just having problems affording a few presents for their kids . Cool huh ? Here is our finished project . She did about 80 % of it herself . If you want to have a great time with your kids , do a family craft . It 's always a blast ! I don 't know how she does it . . . just look at this painting . Isn 't it amazing ? Look at the brush strokes in the fur . Sometimes I love to just stare at her artwork because I can only dream of getting my cows this " photo - realistic " Great . . . now she 's going to think I 'm a stalker . Let 's go back in time , shall we ? I discovered Toni on a Sunday ( I know this because the kids were trying to jump all over me when I was on the computer and I remember yelling , " Fantastic ! Tomorrow you have school , why don 't I look at this then ? " Back to our meeting . I was perusing the Internet with kids jumping all over me as I spilled my coffee on my leg that was kid free , just missing the keyboard . When I stopped . Who the heck is this amazing artist ? I had to contact her . I sent her an email . . . but why would this artist who does such amazing art even want to look at my work even though I told her how good she was ( flattery should get you everywhere ) . I was just a stranger who practically wrote her life story on the first email to this poor lady . She probably was thinking . . . " hey goofball , I 've got these beautiful bovine to paint . . . I 'm busy . " Then I got an email back . The rest is history . For now we are pen pals . . . she lives in the UK . Maybe when she 's doing a tour in North America she can come here . And paint our cows ! ( Minus that gargantuan weed in the front ) I do want you to check out her website . It 's incredible . http : / / www . tonihargreaves . co . uk / Toni _ Hargreaves / Welcome . html My Christmas memory actually happened this year and was about Toni . First off , let me start by saying , I 'm in no way guilting you into doing a painting for me Toni . But this is funny . Toni 's was our first Christmas card . The kids came home from school , and Cody and I were opening up the mail when I ran across it . . . some different looking postage , envelope . . . etc . I ripped it open . There was a neat newsletter that she had done up and a handwritten letter for me . There amongst this , was a cute little envelope . What could it be ? I mean , there was already a letter and a newsletter . Could it be ? I was like a kid ripping open a cereal box trying to find the prize inside . I looked at Cody . . . . " I bet I know what this is . . . " I said out loud , trying not to rip the envelope . " It 's just got to be a little painting . I 'm sure she knows how I idolize her work " I said , trying not to show too much excitement while the sweat beaded up on my upper lip as I was sooooo careful as not to rip what could be inside . " She 's so a - w - e - s - o - " I got cut off as I finally got the cutest little envelope open . " Nope . Just a Christmas card . " Cody said as he polished of his snack and went about his chores . " But how cool . . . it 's the first one ! " I hope you get a giggle out of this Toni ! I 'm so glA pretty thankful Fairchild Farmgirl First I didn 't even know this company existed , second of all , I didn 't know that there was so much to know about a snowshoe ! Aren 't they cool looking ? These are called Sprinters , and they would be perfect for for me to wear in the grove and the vineyard . Check out their great website for much more ! http : / / www . havlicksnowshoe . com / These are also made in the USA ! Do you want to know something completely dorky about me that you didn 't know before ? I use the vineyard as a walking track . So if you 're driving past our farm and you think I 'm checking on vines , no . I 'm getting in my workout . But they would workout fabulously for when I have to prune out there when the vines are dormant and the snow is about 5 feet deep . I hated putting on those stupid snowshoes back in the day . I also hated wearing stupid looking winter hats , a phobia that still haunts me today . I don 't know why , maybe somebody was going to see me , like my parents old yucky van wasn 't going to be embarrassing enough and the snowshoes were going to be the cherry on top . Looking back now , man was I a little brat at times . Extremely funny how after I became a parent I have asked for snowshoes every year for the last ten years . No joke . I think this is karma coming full circle . What do you think ? So remember . . . keep doing those family traditions . . . I dont ' care if you embarrass your kid in an old looking car or make them wear funny outdoor gear . Just spend some time with the punks . . . do you hear ? My Charity today is : Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Greater Twin Cities http : / / www . bigstwincities . org / site / c . dmK0LjO2LsKcF / b . 6543299 / k . F0EB / Home _ Page . htm " Big Brothers Big Sisters is not your typical organization . We help children realize their potential and build their futures . We nurture children and strengthen communities . And we couldn 't do any of it without you . " - From their website We had planned on taking this trip this past summer , but you know , when you farm / run livestock and that 's what most of your paycheck comes from , it can plan ( or in this case , cancel ) your trip at any time . All the wet weather we had made for a feedlot that wasn 't at capacity for a while and then we had to haul in clay . I 'm sure hoping that with fruit and vegetable money , a good lamb crop , and a great tax return , we may just be able to go out there . We would take all the kids and our friend as an adult babysitter to help us , that way no more missing the little kids . . . they will be there with us . It was so cool that we would be going somewhere that we 'd never been before and there is so much history . None of us have ever been to Montana . What a thrill ! There 's also many stops along the way too . It would just be a blast ! Back to the 320 . What an amazing place . AND affordable . Believe me . . . . I 've checked . There is some unimaginably great places out there , but so expensive . . . . some were to the tune of $ 10 , 000 for 11 of us . I know . . . I thought that place maybe screwed up . . . nope . This place is so beautiful . . . . here 's their website : http : / / www . 320ranch . com / home . php " This means guests can pick and choose from various seasonal activities like trail rides , Western style barbecues , fly fishing on the Gallatin ( right on the property ) , and rafting . In the winter , their popular sleigh ride is always a hit for families , as well as dog sledding and nordic skiing . New this year , 320 introduced free shuttle rides to and from their restaurant , as well as free rides for guests up to the ski hill and to other nearby restaurants . This hospitality is a throwback to the time when Dr . Caroline McGill , the first woman doctor in Montana , purchased the property and used it as a resting place for patients . McGill worked and died there , and as she aged , she donated most of the items from the ranch to the McGill Museum in Bozeman ( now Museum of the Rockies ) . The 320 team is made up of 20 winter staff , and 50 in summer . Providing staff housing creates " an informal , professional and relaxed environment , " said Richardson . " We want guests to feel like they are coming to a relative 's home they haven 't seen in awhile . " - From their website My favorite charity of the day is : McCrossan Boy 's Ranch out of South Dakota http : / / www . mccrossan . org / " McCrossan Boys Ranch is a private non - profit organization that reaches out to troubled boys between the ages of nine to twenty who have experienced conflict in their lives . By working on values , goals , education and skills we prepare our boys to live a balanced life outside the Ranch . We also provide the boys with one - on - one counseling as well as specialized educational services so they can heal and grow intellectually . For more than 55 years , McCrossan Boys Ranch has changed the lives of many young boys . It is our goal to continue that success of providing New Hope for a Better Life for many , many years to come . " From their website NOW , however , I 'm singing a different tune . It 's a little different when you have to drive two vehicles to get somewhere because we don 't all fit in one anymore . We rented one to take our trip north of Duluth MN last year , and D and I both agreed that we would buy one some day . It was so nice and roomy , plus we had enough room for us and our gear ( which is a lot when you are toting 8 kids , baby included for 4 days ) . Pat on the back to the Ford Company . . . ya dun good ! Going to Christmas at my grandparents house packed into my parents 1970 's van ( we called it the stabbin ' cabin ) it was yellow with a brown and red stripe , complete with a old style crank sunroof and a small tear shaped bubble window on the sides near the back . Inside , it was complete with a bed and shag carpet . . . everywhere , even on the ceiling . It felt like you were caught up in the armpit hair of Big Foot . There were no seats for the back , so we all piled on the bed or on the floor where ever there was room . Now can you see why I 've had " van phobia " for so many years ? My charity of the day is : Minnesota House Of Hope http : / / houseofhopeminnesota . org / Here 's a little snippet from their website . It sure looks like a good one . They can use more than just money , it 's volunteers , time as well as goods , like TP , Kleenex , food , etc . Not sure what it is . Yes I do , it 's beautiful ! When I tell people this they usually look at me kind of funny . So for a while , I 've been in the " closet " about my love for this great state . Just to let you know , I feel like a dork admitting this to you all , but I 've watched Prairie Rose Reality 's website for umm , about 12 years . No joke . My first husband and I actually went and looked at a few ranches . One in particular by the Cannon Ball River . It was so beautiful I thought I may have chained myself to the mailbox . . . good thing I didn 't . . . AND I saw this . . . we 'd both fall in love . Ron and I are actually interested in land out there . Will we ever get it ? Who knows . If we do , we will definitely go through Prairie Rose , they have always find the best farms , ranches and land for sale . Ron and I would love to have a guide hunting service out there , and a B & B . OR we could bring Sweetie out there and start building our cattle herd , then bring the calves here to Cody who will have the feedlot . . . . See , I have it all planned ! We used to visit the great state of North Dakota quite a bit . My first husband 's family came from out by Ellendale . On Christmas , we would pack up the vehicle and head to solitude . I loved it . One night we got there late , as you can imagine it was very late . His uncle George was a bachelor so he never even went upstairs except to get food , he used on of the bedrooms as a pantry . So we go up to that particular room , put our bags down and pull back the old bedspread and there it was . . . About 10 pounds of rice . " What the heck ? ? " Chris yelled down to Geoge who ran upstairs . " That 's where all those damn mice have been putting my rice ! " Our ability to help families on the land is 100 % dependent upon some pretty amazing people - volunteers , sponsors and individual donors . They give of their time , talents and financial resources to help put a crop in the ground or harvest its bounty for families that are in crisis . Selfless acts . Selfless people . It doesn 't get much better than that in our book ! " - from their website This beautiful silver over copper onyx necklace from Jean Menden Silver . She is also from Minnesota the Dawson / Boyd area ! Jean and her husband Tony happen to be great friends of ours . . . . I met Jean when I asked her to do an art show that I was hosting in our little town of Gary . Looking back now , I laugh at myself , but I was afraid to call her , I thought that she 'd be too professional to do our little show . I 'm so glad she accepted for our Gary Art show , as well as the friendship that we have . Plain and simple , she 's awesome . She 's a true blue silver smith and has even studied in Norway . She can make something out of a pickle fork that would blow your mind and you 'd be excited to wear it , just like all her jewelry . I know that if I have it in my jewelry box , it 's made by Jean Menden . Making Christmas cookies with Ron 's family for 10 hours one year . It wasn 't meant to take that long . . . we just had a few recipes . . . a piece ! = ) There was about 7 of us . We made homemade yeast pretzels , eggnog cookies ( which are still my favorite today ) fudge , you name it , we made it . About the eighth hour we were pretty drained . Ron 's uncle Ted was even there baking with the rest of us . He didn 't care that he was the only guy because he loved to cook . Since our baking day , we lost Uncle Ted . My five year old Rachel and I drove past his house today that 's now owned by his son and wife and I instantly thought of that day and smiled . My charity today is the Courage Center . . . this is the neatest place ! You can donate , they also make cards , read some of their inspiring stories . Check out their website : http : / / www . couragecenter . org / Welcome to Courage Center " We are a Minnesota - based non - profit rehabilitation and resource center that empowers people with disabilities to realize their full potential in every aspect of life . We use a holistic approach that includes comprehensive rehabilitation therapies , independent living services , drivers services , a community reintegration program , accessible aquatics and fitness programs , camps , and adapted sports and recreation programs . We have an inpatient residential program for rehabilitation after brain injury , stroke and spinal cord injury , as well as a chronic pain rehabilitation program . We also advocate for people with disabilities at the legislature and in other public forums . We have locations in Golden Valley , Stillwater , Burnsville and Forest Lake , as well as a sports and recreation office in Duluth , and camps at Maple Lake and Lake George . Courage Center is accredited by the Joint Commission on Accreditation of Rehabilitation Facilities , and is a United Way agency . " - From their website I knew today I wanted to list something Buffalo . I have been dreaming about a decorative pillow for our bed , as I want to get my whitetail photo framed that i took when we were in Custer and wanted to keep with the outdoorsy / wildlife theme . So I started looking for a company to spotlight , you know , to help Big D in his search for my perfect Christmas present . = ) Not sure how I got directed to this site , but I 'm sure happy I did . The have beautiful simple but elegant items , from billfolds to laptop cases and everything in between . They even have cool mouse pad and a " make your own baseball " kit . It 's also ( as you can imagine ) , all tanned buffalo hide . This purse pictured is only around $ 42 . 00 ( the front one in the picture ) . It 's so pretty ! They are also RIGHT HERE IN MINNESOTA ! In Worthington to be exact . Want to know something else cool about them ? In reading their blog , it looks as if we 've vended in the same place ; Brookings Arts Fest . Check them out at their website : www . buffalobillfoldcompany . com they have great prices and cool stuff , very affordable gifts for Christmas . Bill , it was nice chit chatting with you this morning ! Catch up with you on the " show " road . . . I plan on going to the Round Up next year as a spectator . Then on to the art venue . . . it 's really nice going to an arts fest that I don 't have to vend in . = ) Never peek on a present like I did when I was a kid . I 'm tellin ' ya , old wounds never close . I slighted myself when the presents from my grandparents came . Now , they had lots of money and we didn 't . By UPS , we would get boxes of presents . We would actually count them - hey , I was a kid and quality was in numbers ! = ) . I saw a curiously wrapped present with my name on it . For some reason I just had to know what was inside . Then , when my parents were out chopping wood , I ripped the wrapping paper just a little . A teensy bit really just to see it . The Barbie I had only dreamed of was right there . In front of me . On Christmas Eve however , I wasn 't even excited because I knew what it was . It felt like opening a pair of socks or something . The thrill was gone . Remember . . . I 'll say in again like I have before , It 's not the destination . . . . it 's the getting there that 's the fun part . " In February , 2005 , the MN Chapter of Concerns of Police Survivors became a reality . Our Chapter is about extending a helping hand for the emotional well being of those who have suffered the loss of a loved one , friend or co - worker in the line of duty . We are survivors helping survivors . The success of our Chapter can be seen in the families we have touched with love and compassion . There are no membership dues to join for the price paid is already too high . Why make a donationThe MN Chapter of Concerns of Police Survivors is a 501 © 3 non - profit organization . All donations are tax deductible . 100 % of your donation is used for outreach to the families of officers killed in the line of duty as well as financially assistance for families wishing to attend National Police Week Ceremonies and the National C . O . P . S . grief seminars in Washington D . C . . The Chapter also assists with funding of travel costs to attend Hands On Programs and Retreats . Consider donating as a way to thank the families of those who have made the selfless sacrifice to protect you and your families . " - From their website Isn 't this t - h - e most beautiful painting ever ? The cool thing it 's painted on silk . YES , I said painted on silk . Now , I 've never been much of a floral person . . . until I saw this . Isn 't Miss Cawdrey amazing ? Go onto her site and look at her butterfly paintings too which I thought were really great as well . Nancy loves color , texture and pattern . She began her painting career 35 years ago and worked predominately in watercolor . Through her pursuit for texture and passion for color , Nancy discovered the spontaneity and brilliance she could create through painting on silk , a Chinese technique that has been practiced for thousands of years . And , although silk painting is now her medium of choice , she continues to explore a variety of subjects in watercolor , pastel , oil and experimental media . Often , we see a mixture of media in her silk compositions . Through this overlaying of various media she creates buoyant color and texture with her combination of transparent pigment and the shimmer of silk . " - From her website My Christmas memory is from when I was a kid . As you all know , I 'm an artist , which I feel stupid saying in the presence of the great Nancy Cawdrey , one of my favorite artists of all time . But it started as a kid when I would get art supplies for Christmas . I remember one Christmas in particular like it was yesterday , I got the Crayola crayon towers ( do they still have them around ? ) . I thought I 'd died and went to heaven . I drew and colored on everything I could get my hands on that Christmas and treated that gift like it was sent from Heaven . Even now when I get art supplies from my husband and kids I cherish them so much . I ask for paint brushes every year . Every year I get the same ones ( the kids eventually find them around July and start wrecking them . I work with them until there 's one hair on them left then toss or let the kids think they are drum sticks = ) I 'm happy every year when I get that old paper towel roll wrapped up with brushes inside . My charity for today is this ; The Dreaming Zebra Foundation http : / / www . dreamingzebra . org / It 's called the " Dusty Trail Ladies Plaid Jacket " from Legendary Whitetails . If I got it , I wouldn 't take it off . I would sleep in it . . . I 'm sure of that . And not just because our room is 15 degrees colder than any other room in the house . I 'd wear it because it 's beautiful ! Legendary Whitetails is a great company that some of my family have ordered from before and have loved the items they bought . I was pretty happy when I got their catalog and I started paging through it . When you marry into a hunting family , these are the kind of duds that everybody wears . Anyway , here 's their website . http : / / www . deergear . com / home . jsp shop online or request a catalog . If you think this jacket is a - w - e - s - o - m - e just look at their other clothes for women and men . . . you won 't be disappointed . Shh ! ! ! There 's a few shirts that I want to order for Big D in here . If I get the coat , I will give a review blog side ! = ) My favorite Christmas memory is what happens every week on Wednesday , for 52 weeks a year ( all of dem ) . . . . before CCD class . It fits with this blog and is much appreciated through the year , especially during the cold winter months around Christmas time . Venison . I know , I know . At one time I was a venison snob . Now it 's deer meat Wednesdays . I guess that 's what happens when you have eight kids . ALTHOUGH , I can make a lot of great foods with it . My Cowboy beans recipe with venison is really awesome . Come on over and try it sometime . The charity I have chosen for this evening is a great one and I 'm really excited to share it with you ! " South Dakota Sportsmen Against Hunger . http : / / www . feedtheneedsd . com / One out of every seven persons in South Dakota ( or over 100 , 000 people ) live at or below the poverty level according toFeeding South Dakota . About one - half of these people are children and infants . A primary food shortage is fresh meat which is in high demand and difficult to obtain . Of particular demand is game meat because of its nutritional value in having low fat and high protein content . At the same time , the deer and antelope populations in most areas of the state exceed population goals . Each year , many deer and antelope hunting licenses remain unsold , which results in a deer and antelope harvest that is too low for controlling the populations . If hunters purchase additional deer and antelope licenses and donate more harvested deer and antelope to needy families through South Dakota Sportsmen Against Hunger ( SDSAH ) , the result would be a win - win situation ! Hunters have been responding to these needs for increased deer and antelope harvest , and have increased meat donation especially in recent years . In 2010 , 104 , 178 pounds of game meat were provided to needy families through SDSAH and local food relief agencies . This meat was primarily a result of hunters donating 2 , 560 deer , 140 antelope , 1 buffalo and 3 , 646 pheasants . Other game meat came from community game meat food drives , hunter direct donations of processed meat to food relief agencies , and salvage processing of confiscated or non - hunter killed game . " - From their website
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Let 's face it , Christmas vacation means goofing off and having fun . This was Grace acting silly on a nature walk that her and Kara took to find some good pictures to take . Having these kids home for almost two whole weeks is a blast . I mean it ! Two nights ago , we had game and craft night and we had chips and chili dip as well as a hot artichoke / sun dried tomato dip which yes , some of my kids did like it ! That 's okay , mom loves it and would 've eaten the whole works . No need for chips or crackers . = ) Last night the girls had a friend over and they watched a movie , then we all sat down for Gold Rush and Flying Wild Alaska . It was a fun night . Levi and I also got to card a little bit of wool he 's very into that . I 'm going through a lot of these . This morning for example I used 15 eggs , I made a batch of 15 caramel rolls and 1 1 / 2 jugs of juice . YIKES ! Through the last week , we 've also went 6 loafs of bread alone . Thank goodness we raise a lot of our own food . This could get expensive . = ) We 've also gotten a lot of chores done . We cleaned up around down by the cattle lots , the yard , the actual feedlot , the house , and hopefully before they go back , the shop . Yeah , they could stay home another three weeks and I 'd have stuff for them to do . = ) Today we worked 140 head . What was different today was we only had to work 140 head . . . . and that it was December 28th and we were only wearing sweatshirts . It was awesome ! ! Cow boogies in my mouth . Contrary to popular believe you don 't need to be right by their face when that happens . They have some blowing power . When your standing there shooting the breeze with the vet tech and the cow beside you has an itchy muzzle , well , just watch out is all I can say . Mouth open + cow snot = disgusting . Poop on my sleeve . Usually that 's a given . New rations and a cow that 's been on grass , sometimes equals runny poop . But as I was pulling off back tags off this wild baldie cow , out of nowhere there was her tail and she splashed me with crap . Both of these things happened within minutes of each other I just want you to know . I wanted the vet to look at Fluffy Bear 's upper lip and above her gums . So I tried to call her over to us ( the big baby wriggled out of my arms about nine times . . . did I mention she 's 125 pounds ? ) SO Vicki sat on her front half with her screaming and bawling . . . picture it , Kristen hadn 't even touched her yet . She was so scared that as I was holding on to her back end , she peed on my leg . We run an old cow through the chute and Vicki points out a big puss sore on a her hip . It had to be the size of a salad plate . The poor thing 's hip was broke or at least the cap , it abscessed and broke through the skin . GRODY ! We gave her a bunch of meds and are hoping for the best . She 's not limping which is good . She 's one of the ones we got in in the last week , but this obviously happened before her arrival here . But now she 's in good hands ! Christmas Eve . . . . what a special night . For some it 's getting together with extended family , for others it 's opening gifts , for some it 's people that can 't be with their families . I really pray for the last bunch . Here at the Fairchild Farm , things really got heated up : " Where do you think Santa hid the presents Mom ? " an excited Grace asked me . " No idea , " I said as I worked on the mountain of dishes that I had to wash . Ron and Cody were at church ( I go tomorrow with the girls , long mass gets little kids whiny , nuf said . ) we don 't have a chimney , so Santa has to expertly hide gifts somewhere outside , ( without getting caught by eight policing children ) . I had to grab them out of my closet , through the french doors of our bedroom , slap them into the bed of the 4 wheeler , then look for a place to hide them . While not looking suspicious with sparkling red wrapped boxes whipping around the farm looking for a place to hide them . One time I even lost one and had to go back for it . Eeks . So while we wait for Santa , we will eat , Meatloaf Supper was finally over , the table was cleaned off . They were getting all the presents out of mom & dad 's closet to put under the tree . All of the sudden . . . . Then , ma and pa ( that 's us ) hunker quietly in the bathroom with the lights off as all the kids trudge with their winter gear out to the sheep barn . Why ? I don 't know either , its almost 50 degrees and there 's no snow . Pa gets an idea in his head that he has to go to the back of the house to sound like Santa . . . . not sure the kids heard , but I 'm glad your getting into it Pa . The kids find all their gifts ! Woohooo ! Time to celebrate ! She comes in empty handed with a tiny tear out of her eye . Has ma , err , um Santa lost his mind ? ? ? No present for Rachel ? Quick . . . slap on my bootsNo time for a coatShe 's still crying . Hop on the four wheelerVroom vroom ! All over the farmAll through the barns . . . Nothing . " NO ! Go in the bonus room and look there ! What the heck Big D ? " I look at him in utter disgust for the both of us . . Really . . . have I fried my brain ? Am I going through dementia ? I 'm 37 . . . . whats going on with me ? We open our presents and have a great time . All the while the guilt is reeling in my broken down brain at what a bad mom I was , when Ron stands up and yelled , " Mom ! The present for Rachel . . . is in the shop ! " We forgot what Santa had bought her was in the side room of the shop . . . a brand new bike . In the end , we just said it was from us . She loved it and wouldn 't ' stop riding it . We 're only partially dork parents . Merry Christmas to all , and to all a good night ! Fairchild Farmgirl Or this one . . . they are both really cool . And they are both taken by my nephew , Tyler . Wait a second , when did you get old enough to take these kind of pictures ? Wasn 't I still changing your diapers only 18 short years ago ? Or around that time ? I 'm so old I forget . On a serious note , for being 20ish , he ranks right up there with my favorite artists like Nancy Cawdrey or Martin Grelle , but he does photography . I would love to say he got his creative side from his aunt Suzanne , but his mom used to take some awesome pictures too . Also , Tyler has bought all his own photography equip during and since high school . He 's always been an impressive guy . . . anyway , check out his website . He 's really got some breathtaking shots . It 's really exciting for me as family to watch him evolve into this great artist . http : / / www . tylerjphoto . com / It did just happen yesterday . Last night to be exact . We had a Christmas party with some relatives , I 'm in the kitchen cooking supper . . . it 's quiet . . . . all I hear is the TV . Something 's wrong . I hear faint giggles coming form my bedroom . Not good . I open the door and about 20 presents are unwrapped and Maggie and Levi are playing with them . The wrapping paper is mangled and it 's too hard to see who got what for who . I punted . We were out of tape and had mere scraps of wrap left . I got the yellow masking tape and used the torn scraps to wrap them up . We 'll see how bad I screwed up tomorrow night . = ) " Since its inception in 2003 , Art from Ashes ( AfA ) has provided poetry and creative workshops to high - risk youth , facilitating expression , connection and transformation among the most neglected and vulnerable segments of our community . Executive Director Catherine O ' Neill Thorn has been conducting transformational poetry and spoken word workshops at juvenile detention facilities , treatment centers , and schools - including post - trauma workshops for Columbine High School students - since 1992 . When statewide funding for youth programs was cut in 2003 , Thorn was motivated to establish a nonprofit to serve struggling youth with a proven process that helps build strong interpersonal skills , encourages literacy , and empowers young people to lead confident , violence - free lives . AfA has since provided creative workshops with more than 60 partnering organizations for more than 3 , 000 young people who have survived traumatic events , are victims of abuse , neglect and / or poverty , and are at risk for or engaged in destructive behaviors . Moving beyond contemporary therapeutic models and arts programming , AfA provides a forum through creative expression for recognizing and acknowledging previous traumas ; removing the barriers that isolate young people from each other , from caring adults , and from society ; and allowing youth to experience health and hope rather than the expectation of further victimization . " - from their website I know I missed yesterday 's blog , but amidst Christmas Concerts and as CCD coordinator our Christmas party of making and mailing all the people that attend our parish Christmas cards , I got home , looked around and still had to clean up after seven kids and put some to bed . Then after that , I had to work on some ornaments I had made for friends . So with that said , since this is a two person tub and I would NEVER take a bath with Ron ( I 'm a good Catholic girl ! =) ) I 'm counting this blog as two . I know you don 't understand my dimwitted math , but trust me on this . . . k ? Let me start out by saying , this tub is big . If you 've been in my house before , you know that the measurements of this tub means we would have to take out the vanity , toilet , and medicine cabinet out of our one bathroom . The good thing is that Ron would get that outhouse he always wanted , the downside is he 'd still be sharing it with a bunch of girls . The poor man can 't win ! In all seriousness , there has been many a day that I would have loved to jump in one after being chased by working cattle . When I 'm covered in sweat , puss and nut sack residue ( by the way , if there is such a thing as nut sack residue it would have found my shirt and arms . . . I 'm convinced . So far I 've always missed the bomb that goes off when you hike their tail up ) . Anyway , my favorite Christmas memory is about a bath tub , sort of . Going to my grandparents house for Christmas . Our homes couldn 't be more different . We lived in a shack , they lived in a mansion a stones throw from Lake of The Isles in Minneapolis . Our house had about 6 rooms , theirs 17 . The best was when we would first get there . Now , we had " sometimes plumbing " in our farmhouse . Sometimes it worked , sometimes it didn 't . We would go to the neighbor 's well and stock up for the week , keep water in a stock tank . No I 'm not kidding . Anyway , when we would get to my grandparents house , we would play for a while , then we would get to take baths . . . in their tub . With hot water that wasn 't warmed up on a wood stove . I know , I 'm 37 , not 87 . These were the eighties that this happened in . When agriculture was in the toilet . Anyway , back to the mansion . We would get to take a glorious bath every night . My fondest memories are not of the presents , the seven course meals , the Santa gifts . . . My grandparents have past away , but my grandma loved to hear me tell that story . I know it made her feel good that she helped out in that way . To this day , I still love that soap . My charity for the day is : People Serving People http : / / peopleservingpeople . org / It 's the biggest homeless shelter in Minneapolis MN and you can donate , volunteer and much more . Go to their website and read all about it . Here 's a blurb from their website : What distinguishes PSP from other emergency shelters is the broad range of on - site programs and services designed to address common barriers that homeless families are faced with . To provide a new opportunity for families , it is necessary that we help them find ways to break through these barriers and stop patterns that lead to poverty and homelessness . Housing and employment issues are addressed , along with educational , emotional and life enrichment needs . " From their site A carved wooden door from Summit Handcrafted Log Homes . I wanted cattle in the feedlot scene , Ron said he wanted this exactly how it is with this deer . Because with this gift , I have to share you know . = ) Of course this can 't happen until we build our new house when we don 't have little hands wreaking havoc in our home . BUT STILL before I die ( which I better have at least another 40 good years out of this bag of bones ) , this company will make me one . If you like this , check out the rest of the site . . . the have a double door that has a tree carved into it . It honestly looks like you are walking right through it . You have to see it . That 's all I can say . www . summithandcrafted . com They are truly artistic masters ! My great Christmas memory for today is this : Getting a huge box of Christmas cookies from my grandma Mayer every year . I remember digging through them , as they were froze from the trip by mail in the dead of winter . For some reason I can remember the chocolate chips and M & Ms would about break your teeth . But my siblings and I didn 't even care . We didn 't get this type of goodies very often and my grandma was the best baker ever . She died 20 years ago . . . GULP ! She was the greatest . I wish my kids would 've gotten to meet her . They would 've loved her and my grandpa Norbie . They would always make sure they had a sack full of pennies for us and some Nips caramel candy . I want to be just like them ! Miracles happen when people willingly serve others . When Charles and Donna Cooley became aware that many children have never had a toy , they formulated their motto , " We may not be able to make a toy for every child in the world that needs one - - but we 're going to try ! " The seeds of their service were planted in a small workshop at their home near Cedar City , Utah in 1995 . They made a couple hundred toys that were humbly offered to Primary Children 's Medical Center . The toys were received with such enthusiasm and gratitude that the Cooleys made more and donated them locally to the Canyon Creek Women 's Crisis Center , Cedar City Care and Share , the Presbyterian Church , and within the state of Utah to Shriner 's Hospital , Ronald McDonald House and worldwide . They named their workshop " The Happy Factory " because of the happiness it brings to them and to the children who receive the wooden toys . In the process , they have learned that toys are not simply playthings , but tools that help unlock a child 's ability to think and to cope with the world around them . What started as a hobby has turned into a full time labor of love . Since their humble beginnings , The Happy Factory has welcomed volunteers of every age - - including juvenile offenders in three state correctional facilities . There are no paid salaries . The Happy Factory is a 501 ( c ) 3 non - profit organization . All the materials they use are donated and all of the toys are made by volunteers . Every toy is donated to a child in need . The toys are made of scraps of hardwood donated by a local cabinet maker . Unfortunately , there are a few expenses for wheels and axles , saw blades , building maintenance costs and other miscellaneous items . The Happy Factory workers are toy makers , not fundraisers . It costs approximately eighty five cents per toy for wheels and axles . They gratefully accept donations of materials , time , and money . A carved moose antler . Isn 't this amazing ? I always marvel at the many , many cool pieces there are in this country . When Big D and I are out and about looking at different art out west , we have seen a few of these , but none this good . This carver hails from Dubois , Wy . his name is Monte Baker . I hope he has a shop or gallery to visit , next time we are out that way I would love to see these in person . Now , I know I didn 't blog yesterday and tell about what I wanted on the 7th day of Christmas , but you know what ? This guy is so good that he can account for two days . Think of the time and skill this takes ? I had to show you one more . . . look at the pine tree . A - M - A - Z - I - N - G ! Taking all my kids shopping at the local drug / gift store in our little town the week before Christmas . Here 's what 's cool about it . I take along all the kids so each child can shop for their siblings . It 's so fun to see what they would pick out for their siblings . " Mom ! Cody NEEDS this ! " As Levi points to a a hunting magazine . " Nahhh , me want it ! " He giggles . This is also a great way to show kids that Christmas isn 't all about them , because they need to think of others too . He was the only one that cried when he couldn 't get what he wanted . He sat by the register on the floor sad as can be . Too bad I remarked as I smiled to the high school clerk and to everybody around me . He 's gotta learn sometime . My charity for the day is : The Last Great Race : Iditarod You can buy a membership and that 's your donation ! THEN you get cool stuff ! Here 's their website : http : / / www . iditarod . com / " The fabric of any membership organization is judged by the number , loyalty and active involvement of its members . ' The Last Great Race on Earth ' is annually run against the most scenic landscape on earth in the harshest weather Mother Nature can provide . The ITC depends on member volunteers to stage the world 's premier sled dog race . Mushers feel privileged to train , coach and encourage the outstanding athletic dogs that run the race . I feel privileged to be an ITC member and invite YOU to join us in celebrating Alaska 's state sport in the ' Last Frontier . ' Catch the spirit and enjoy the benefits . " - Leelan Larsen , President of the Board Sincerely , All my family home hanging out together . Ashlyn is home for the weekend and we have all pitched in to help her with a gift for her dad and step mom . Yes , I didn 't believe it either when I first heard of it . I was bar tending one night , D and I were dating and he was watching Ashlyn for me . Ash called to tell me that " Ron had fixed my pants mom ! " " Huh ? ? " YES Big D is a man of many talents . He can sew . . . . and his wife can 't . I can hand stitch , but not use a sewing machine . Back to Christmas present . This year , I told the kids that they had a limit of $ 5 per sibling and the three older kids had to contribute $ 2 per child . " WHAT ? " was their initial reaction , but then they started to plan straight away what they were going to get everybody . When I met Ash and her dad in Olivia last night , she took care of her shopping in Alco . On the way home , I asked her if she 'd gone shopping for her dad and step mom . " sigh , no . I don 't know what I 'd even get them and I don 't have money . " " Well , lets make them something cool . " was my response . Of course I got eyes rolling , they didn 't leave her head so that was a plus . = ) " Like what ? " " Lets do a fiber art wall hanging . " Puleeezzzzeeee ! Don 't challenge the great craftin ' momma . " Were going to and it will be fun . AND yes , we will get it done . " More eye rolling . No I had never done anything like that . She can sew with a sewing machine , the last time I did was when I was her age , a long long time ago . None the less , we got home and we figured out how big it was going to be and then she drew out a pattern . Then , she picked out fabric from the rag bins where we have old shirts , jeans , sheets etc . Just waiting for some kid to do a project with them . Then she went to bed . . . . BUT it 's so neat . . . she drew a picture of their dog at the lake on the dock , with pine trees in the background . For a 12 year old she did excellent . She wasn 't happy with her sewing job around the pine trees , but like I told her , once your dad knows that you have about 15 hours in it , he will love it ! He better . = ) Kara getting cards and pictures out for family . What a helper ! Not to cheat you out of a Christmas memory , but this will go down as one of my favorites . I know I was making a gift for my ex and his wife , but it was so fun helping out Ashlyn . However , she 's not the only crafty one . This is the second year that Cody has made his gifts for every one . Last year he learned how to make shelves in wood shop , so every body got a shelf . Now , he did some sandblasting in shop class , so he is making a sandblasted mirror for everyone . I love my family . Just like I told Big D , you don 't need a lot of money , homemade gifts are fun to make and give . For a charity , I 'm going to tell you about what I heard today as we were all pig piled in our bed . It was me , D , about 5 kids and we were talking to my sister Betsy on the phone . She had mentioned that the " in thing " to do is go to Walmart or Kmart and see if there is anyone in danger of losing their layaway from non payment . If there is , pay it for them . There 's a lot of people losing jobs , or just having problems affording a few presents for their kids . Cool huh ? Here is our finished project . She did about 80 % of it herself . If you want to have a great time with your kids , do a family craft . It 's always a blast ! I don 't know how she does it . . . just look at this painting . Isn 't it amazing ? Look at the brush strokes in the fur . Sometimes I love to just stare at her artwork because I can only dream of getting my cows this " photo - realistic " Great . . . now she 's going to think I 'm a stalker . Let 's go back in time , shall we ? I discovered Toni on a Sunday ( I know this because the kids were trying to jump all over me when I was on the computer and I remember yelling , " Fantastic ! Tomorrow you have school , why don 't I look at this then ? " Back to our meeting . I was perusing the Internet with kids jumping all over me as I spilled my coffee on my leg that was kid free , just missing the keyboard . When I stopped . Who the heck is this amazing artist ? I had to contact her . I sent her an email . . . but why would this artist who does such amazing art even want to look at my work even though I told her how good she was ( flattery should get you everywhere ) . I was just a stranger who practically wrote her life story on the first email to this poor lady . She probably was thinking . . . " hey goofball , I 've got these beautiful bovine to paint . . . I 'm busy . " Then I got an email back . The rest is history . For now we are pen pals . . . she lives in the UK . Maybe when she 's doing a tour in North America she can come here . And paint our cows ! ( Minus that gargantuan weed in the front ) I do want you to check out her website . It 's incredible . http : / / www . tonihargreaves . co . uk / Toni _ Hargreaves / Welcome . html My Christmas memory actually happened this year and was about Toni . First off , let me start by saying , I 'm in no way guilting you into doing a painting for me Toni . But this is funny . Toni 's was our first Christmas card . The kids came home from school , and Cody and I were opening up the mail when I ran across it . . . some different looking postage , envelope . . . etc . I ripped it open . There was a neat newsletter that she had done up and a handwritten letter for me . There amongst this , was a cute little envelope . What could it be ? I mean , there was already a letter and a newsletter . Could it be ? I was like a kid ripping open a cereal box trying to find the prize inside . I looked at Cody . . . . " I bet I know what this is . . . " I said out loud , trying not to rip the envelope . " It 's just got to be a little painting . I 'm sure she knows how I idolize her work " I said , trying not to show too much excitement while the sweat beaded up on my upper lip as I was sooooo careful as not to rip what could be inside . " She 's so a - w - e - s - o - " I got cut off as I finally got the cutest little envelope open . " Nope . Just a Christmas card . " Cody said as he polished of his snack and went about his chores . " But how cool . . . it 's the first one ! " I hope you get a giggle out of this Toni ! I 'm so glA pretty thankful Fairchild Farmgirl First I didn 't even know this company existed , second of all , I didn 't know that there was so much to know about a snowshoe ! Aren 't they cool looking ? These are called Sprinters , and they would be perfect for for me to wear in the grove and the vineyard . Check out their great website for much more ! http : / / www . havlicksnowshoe . com / These are also made in the USA ! Do you want to know something completely dorky about me that you didn 't know before ? I use the vineyard as a walking track . So if you 're driving past our farm and you think I 'm checking on vines , no . I 'm getting in my workout . But they would workout fabulously for when I have to prune out there when the vines are dormant and the snow is about 5 feet deep . I hated putting on those stupid snowshoes back in the day . I also hated wearing stupid looking winter hats , a phobia that still haunts me today . I don 't know why , maybe somebody was going to see me , like my parents old yucky van wasn 't going to be embarrassing enough and the snowshoes were going to be the cherry on top . Looking back now , man was I a little brat at times . Extremely funny how after I became a parent I have asked for snowshoes every year for the last ten years . No joke . I think this is karma coming full circle . What do you think ? So remember . . . keep doing those family traditions . . . I dont ' care if you embarrass your kid in an old looking car or make them wear funny outdoor gear . Just spend some time with the punks . . . do you hear ? My Charity today is : Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Greater Twin Cities http : / / www . bigstwincities . org / site / c . dmK0LjO2LsKcF / b . 6543299 / k . F0EB / Home _ Page . htm " Big Brothers Big Sisters is not your typical organization . We help children realize their potential and build their futures . We nurture children and strengthen communities . And we couldn 't do any of it without you . " - From their website We had planned on taking this trip this past summer , but you know , when you farm / run livestock and that 's what most of your paycheck comes from , it can plan ( or in this case , cancel ) your trip at any time . All the wet weather we had made for a feedlot that wasn 't at capacity for a while and then we had to haul in clay . I 'm sure hoping that with fruit and vegetable money , a good lamb crop , and a great tax return , we may just be able to go out there . We would take all the kids and our friend as an adult babysitter to help us , that way no more missing the little kids . . . they will be there with us . It was so cool that we would be going somewhere that we 'd never been before and there is so much history . None of us have ever been to Montana . What a thrill ! There 's also many stops along the way too . It would just be a blast ! Back to the 320 . What an amazing place . AND affordable . Believe me . . . . I 've checked . There is some unimaginably great places out there , but so expensive . . . . some were to the tune of $ 10 , 000 for 11 of us . I know . . . I thought that place maybe screwed up . . . nope . This place is so beautiful . . . . here 's their website : http : / / www . 320ranch . com / home . php " This means guests can pick and choose from various seasonal activities like trail rides , Western style barbecues , fly fishing on the Gallatin ( right on the property ) , and rafting . In the winter , their popular sleigh ride is always a hit for families , as well as dog sledding and nordic skiing . New this year , 320 introduced free shuttle rides to and from their restaurant , as well as free rides for guests up to the ski hill and to other nearby restaurants . This hospitality is a throwback to the time when Dr . Caroline McGill , the first woman doctor in Montana , purchased the property and used it as a resting place for patients . McGill worked and died there , and as she aged , she donated most of the items from the ranch to the McGill Museum in Bozeman ( now Museum of the Rockies ) . The 320 team is made up of 20 winter staff , and 50 in summer . Providing staff housing creates " an informal , professional and relaxed environment , " said Richardson . " We want guests to feel like they are coming to a relative 's home they haven 't seen in awhile . " - From their website My favorite charity of the day is : McCrossan Boy 's Ranch out of South Dakota http : / / www . mccrossan . org / " McCrossan Boys Ranch is a private non - profit organization that reaches out to troubled boys between the ages of nine to twenty who have experienced conflict in their lives . By working on values , goals , education and skills we prepare our boys to live a balanced life outside the Ranch . We also provide the boys with one - on - one counseling as well as specialized educational services so they can heal and grow intellectually . For more than 55 years , McCrossan Boys Ranch has changed the lives of many young boys . It is our goal to continue that success of providing New Hope for a Better Life for many , many years to come . " From their website NOW , however , I 'm singing a different tune . It 's a little different when you have to drive two vehicles to get somewhere because we don 't all fit in one anymore . We rented one to take our trip north of Duluth MN last year , and D and I both agreed that we would buy one some day . It was so nice and roomy , plus we had enough room for us and our gear ( which is a lot when you are toting 8 kids , baby included for 4 days ) . Pat on the back to the Ford Company . . . ya dun good ! Going to Christmas at my grandparents house packed into my parents 1970 's van ( we called it the stabbin ' cabin ) it was yellow with a brown and red stripe , complete with a old style crank sunroof and a small tear shaped bubble window on the sides near the back . Inside , it was complete with a bed and shag carpet . . . everywhere , even on the ceiling . It felt like you were caught up in the armpit hair of Big Foot . There were no seats for the back , so we all piled on the bed or on the floor where ever there was room . Now can you see why I 've had " van phobia " for so many years ? My charity of the day is : Minnesota House Of Hope http : / / houseofhopeminnesota . org / Here 's a little snippet from their website . It sure looks like a good one . They can use more than just money , it 's volunteers , time as well as goods , like TP , Kleenex , food , etc . Not sure what it is . Yes I do , it 's beautiful ! When I tell people this they usually look at me kind of funny . So for a while , I 've been in the " closet " about my love for this great state . Just to let you know , I feel like a dork admitting this to you all , but I 've watched Prairie Rose Reality 's website for umm , about 12 years . No joke . My first husband and I actually went and looked at a few ranches . One in particular by the Cannon Ball River . It was so beautiful I thought I may have chained myself to the mailbox . . . good thing I didn 't . . . AND I saw this . . . we 'd both fall in love . Ron and I are actually interested in land out there . Will we ever get it ? Who knows . If we do , we will definitely go through Prairie Rose , they have always find the best farms , ranches and land for sale . Ron and I would love to have a guide hunting service out there , and a B & B . OR we could bring Sweetie out there and start building our cattle herd , then bring the calves here to Cody who will have the feedlot . . . . See , I have it all planned ! We used to visit the great state of North Dakota quite a bit . My first husband 's family came from out by Ellendale . On Christmas , we would pack up the vehicle and head to solitude . I loved it . One night we got there late , as you can imagine it was very late . His uncle George was a bachelor so he never even went upstairs except to get food , he used on of the bedrooms as a pantry . So we go up to that particular room , put our bags down and pull back the old bedspread and there it was . . . About 10 pounds of rice . " What the heck ? ? " Chris yelled down to Geoge who ran upstairs . " That 's where all those damn mice have been putting my rice ! " Our ability to help families on the land is 100 % dependent upon some pretty amazing people - volunteers , sponsors and individual donors . They give of their time , talents and financial resources to help put a crop in the ground or harvest its bounty for families that are in crisis . Selfless acts . Selfless people . It doesn 't get much better than that in our book ! " - from their website This beautiful silver over copper onyx necklace from Jean Menden Silver . She is also from Minnesota the Dawson / Boyd area ! Jean and her husband Tony happen to be great friends of ours . . . . I met Jean when I asked her to do an art show that I was hosting in our little town of Gary . Looking back now , I laugh at myself , but I was afraid to call her , I thought that she 'd be too professional to do our little show . I 'm so glad she accepted for our Gary Art show , as well as the friendship that we have . Plain and simple , she 's awesome . She 's a true blue silver smith and has even studied in Norway . She can make something out of a pickle fork that would blow your mind and you 'd be excited to wear it , just like all her jewelry . I know that if I have it in my jewelry box , it 's made by Jean Menden . Making Christmas cookies with Ron 's family for 10 hours one year . It wasn 't meant to take that long . . . we just had a few recipes . . . a piece ! = ) There was about 7 of us . We made homemade yeast pretzels , eggnog cookies ( which are still my favorite today ) fudge , you name it , we made it . About the eighth hour we were pretty drained . Ron 's uncle Ted was even there baking with the rest of us . He didn 't care that he was the only guy because he loved to cook . Since our baking day , we lost Uncle Ted . My five year old Rachel and I drove past his house today that 's now owned by his son and wife and I instantly thought of that day and smiled . My charity today is the Courage Center . . . this is the neatest place ! You can donate , they also make cards , read some of their inspiring stories . Check out their website : http : / / www . couragecenter . org / Welcome to Courage Center " We are a Minnesota - based non - profit rehabilitation and resource center that empowers people with disabilities to realize their full potential in every aspect of life . We use a holistic approach that includes comprehensive rehabilitation therapies , independent living services , drivers services , a community reintegration program , accessible aquatics and fitness programs , camps , and adapted sports and recreation programs . We have an inpatient residential program for rehabilitation after brain injury , stroke and spinal cord injury , as well as a chronic pain rehabilitation program . We also advocate for people with disabilities at the legislature and in other public forums . We have locations in Golden Valley , Stillwater , Burnsville and Forest Lake , as well as a sports and recreation office in Duluth , and camps at Maple Lake and Lake George . Courage Center is accredited by the Joint Commission on Accreditation of Rehabilitation Facilities , and is a United Way agency . " - From their website I knew today I wanted to list something Buffalo . I have been dreaming about a decorative pillow for our bed , as I want to get my whitetail photo framed that i took when we were in Custer and wanted to keep with the outdoorsy / wildlife theme . So I started looking for a company to spotlight , you know , to help Big D in his search for my perfect Christmas present . = ) Not sure how I got directed to this site , but I 'm sure happy I did . The have beautiful simple but elegant items , from billfolds to laptop cases and everything in between . They even have cool mouse pad and a " make your own baseball " kit . It 's also ( as you can imagine ) , all tanned buffalo hide . This purse pictured is only around $ 42 . 00 ( the front one in the picture ) . It 's so pretty ! They are also RIGHT HERE IN MINNESOTA ! In Worthington to be exact . Want to know something else cool about them ? In reading their blog , it looks as if we 've vended in the same place ; Brookings Arts Fest . Check them out at their website : www . buffalobillfoldcompany . com they have great prices and cool stuff , very affordable gifts for Christmas . Bill , it was nice chit chatting with you this morning ! Catch up with you on the " show " road . . . I plan on going to the Round Up next year as a spectator . Then on to the art venue . . . it 's really nice going to an arts fest that I don 't have to vend in . = ) Never peek on a present like I did when I was a kid . I 'm tellin ' ya , old wounds never close . I slighted myself when the presents from my grandparents came . Now , they had lots of money and we didn 't . By UPS , we would get boxes of presents . We would actually count them - hey , I was a kid and quality was in numbers ! = ) . I saw a curiously wrapped present with my name on it . For some reason I just had to know what was inside . Then , when my parents were out chopping wood , I ripped the wrapping paper just a little . A teensy bit really just to see it . The Barbie I had only dreamed of was right there . In front of me . On Christmas Eve however , I wasn 't even excited because I knew what it was . It felt like opening a pair of socks or something . The thrill was gone . Remember . . . I 'll say in again like I have before , It 's not the destination . . . . it 's the getting there that 's the fun part . " In February , 2005 , the MN Chapter of Concerns of Police Survivors became a reality . Our Chapter is about extending a helping hand for the emotional well being of those who have suffered the loss of a loved one , friend or co - worker in the line of duty . We are survivors helping survivors . The success of our Chapter can be seen in the families we have touched with love and compassion . There are no membership dues to join for the price paid is already too high . Why make a donationThe MN Chapter of Concerns of Police Survivors is a 501 © 3 non - profit organization . All donations are tax deductible . 100 % of your donation is used for outreach to the families of officers killed in the line of duty as well as financially assistance for families wishing to attend National Police Week Ceremonies and the National C . O . P . S . grief seminars in Washington D . C . . The Chapter also assists with funding of travel costs to attend Hands On Programs and Retreats . Consider donating as a way to thank the families of those who have made the selfless sacrifice to protect you and your families . " - From their website Isn 't this t - h - e most beautiful painting ever ? The cool thing it 's painted on silk . YES , I said painted on silk . Now , I 've never been much of a floral person . . . until I saw this . Isn 't Miss Cawdrey amazing ? Go onto her site and look at her butterfly paintings too which I thought were really great as well . Nancy loves color , texture and pattern . She began her painting career 35 years ago and worked predominately in watercolor . Through her pursuit for texture and passion for color , Nancy discovered the spontaneity and brilliance she could create through painting on silk , a Chinese technique that has been practiced for thousands of years . And , although silk painting is now her medium of choice , she continues to explore a variety of subjects in watercolor , pastel , oil and experimental media . Often , we see a mixture of media in her silk compositions . Through this overlaying of various media she creates buoyant color and texture with her combination of transparent pigment and the shimmer of silk . " - From her website My Christmas memory is from when I was a kid . As you all know , I 'm an artist , which I feel stupid saying in the presence of the great Nancy Cawdrey , one of my favorite artists of all time . But it started as a kid when I would get art supplies for Christmas . I remember one Christmas in particular like it was yesterday , I got the Crayola crayon towers ( do they still have them around ? ) . I thought I 'd died and went to heaven . I drew and colored on everything I could get my hands on that Christmas and treated that gift like it was sent from Heaven . Even now when I get art supplies from my husband and kids I cherish them so much . I ask for paint brushes every year . Every year I get the same ones ( the kids eventually find them around July and start wrecking them . I work with them until there 's one hair on them left then toss or let the kids think they are drum sticks = ) I 'm happy every year when I get that old paper towel roll wrapped up with brushes inside . My charity for today is this ; The Dreaming Zebra Foundation http : / / www . dreamingzebra . org / It 's called the " Dusty Trail Ladies Plaid Jacket " from Legendary Whitetails . If I got it , I wouldn 't take it off . I would sleep in it . . . I 'm sure of that . And not just because our room is 15 degrees colder than any other room in the house . I 'd wear it because it 's beautiful ! Legendary Whitetails is a great company that some of my family have ordered from before and have loved the items they bought . I was pretty happy when I got their catalog and I started paging through it . When you marry into a hunting family , these are the kind of duds that everybody wears . Anyway , here 's their website . http : / / www . deergear . com / home . jsp shop online or request a catalog . If you think this jacket is a - w - e - s - o - m - e just look at their other clothes for women and men . . . you won 't be disappointed . Shh ! ! ! There 's a few shirts that I want to order for Big D in here . If I get the coat , I will give a review blog side ! = ) My favorite Christmas memory is what happens every week on Wednesday , for 52 weeks a year ( all of dem ) . . . . before CCD class . It fits with this blog and is much appreciated through the year , especially during the cold winter months around Christmas time . Venison . I know , I know . At one time I was a venison snob . Now it 's deer meat Wednesdays . I guess that 's what happens when you have eight kids . ALTHOUGH , I can make a lot of great foods with it . My Cowboy beans recipe with venison is really awesome . Come on over and try it sometime . The charity I have chosen for this evening is a great one and I 'm really excited to share it with you ! " South Dakota Sportsmen Against Hunger . http : / / www . feedtheneedsd . com / One out of every seven persons in South Dakota ( or over 100 , 000 people ) live at or below the poverty level according toFeeding South Dakota . About one - half of these people are children and infants . A primary food shortage is fresh meat which is in high demand and difficult to obtain . Of particular demand is game meat because of its nutritional value in having low fat and high protein content . At the same time , the deer and antelope populations in most areas of the state exceed population goals . Each year , many deer and antelope hunting licenses remain unsold , which results in a deer and antelope harvest that is too low for controlling the populations . If hunters purchase additional deer and antelope licenses and donate more harvested deer and antelope to needy families through South Dakota Sportsmen Against Hunger ( SDSAH ) , the result would be a win - win situation ! Hunters have been responding to these needs for increased deer and antelope harvest , and have increased meat donation especially in recent years . In 2010 , 104 , 178 pounds of game meat were provided to needy families through SDSAH and local food relief agencies . This meat was primarily a result of hunters donating 2 , 560 deer , 140 antelope , 1 buffalo and 3 , 646 pheasants . Other game meat came from community game meat food drives , hunter direct donations of processed meat to food relief agencies , and salvage processing of confiscated or non - hunter killed game . " - From their website
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FARK . com : ( 7849197 ) The Rescue : A True Story . Starring one tiny adorable kitten trapped in a burning home , and one incredibly heroic Fireman with a helmet - cam . Coming to theaters , just in time for Caturday Do you have adblock enabled ? Don 't Like Ads ? Try BareFark Politics The Rescue : A True Story . Starring one tiny adorable kitten trapped in a burning home , and one incredibly heroic Fireman with a helmet - cam . Coming to theaters , just in time for Caturday ( mashable . com ) 3 votes : Spinnyr : The " Beauty - Butt " , Luscious . . . Her eyes are light - light blue , and sometimes - - - don 't know why - - - they turn really red . Technically , because the light of the flash occurs too fast for the pupil to close , much of the very bright light from the flash passes into the eye through the pupil , reflects off the fundus at the back of the eyeball and out through the pupil . The camera records this reflected light . The main cause of the red color is the ample amount of blood in the choroid which nourishes the back of the eye and is located behind the retina . The blood in the retinal circulation is far less than in the choroid , and plays virtually no role . The eye contains several photostable pigments that all absorb in the short wavelength region , and hence contribute somewhat to the red eye effect . Because all white cats are basically furry little terminators . 2 votes : Another Dog Pic - - the one I tried to fwd to Select Folk yesterday & was told nothing was there . Marci Swann , wife of barbershopper Gregg ( they live in WV ) who 's back on the Events Team as Plumbicon is , sent me this on July 2 . They care for a dog whose name & breed I forget . spinach gunk , tnx for bringing Sarah back to mind . Think you said she was such a good girl . Also tnx yobbery for fresh Biscuit & others pix , also to remember lurvly Alice . Is that Biscuit in the . gif shaking himself enthusiastically ? Sure looks like it could be - - 2 votes : Hai Biscuit ! * waves back * I 'm so jealous of you guize with the photophiliac kittehs . GoGo Beastie RUNS and would put a hole in a door to get away if she had to when she just sees my camera . Not that I 've figured out how to use the obviously - smarter - than - me thing , or I 'd have pictures of our skwerls and tons of food porn . * sigh * Some things I 'm good at , a lot of things I 'm not so good at , and that camera falls in the " not so good at " category . 2 votes : The Ice Queen : Cosmo tripped me when I got home so I 'm all black and blue . GoGo Beastie only does that when I 'm at least halfway up the stairs . Any less and it is no longer a proper homicide attempt , I guess . You OK ' cept the lovely new color accessories ? 1 vote : lilyspad : Real Women Drink Akvavit : I 'll have to dig some up some day . I 'm sure mom has some around here somewhere . Please do ! ! : DI 'll ask her when she gets back from her trip where they 're hidden . I don 't think any of them have been scanned or anything yet . 1 vote : lilyspad : [ i . imgur . com image 567x500 ] I hope nobody is offended by this . . . . I just thought it was funny . That 's a classic ! Not offended over here . My panties are not even in a twist - and yes , I 'm actually wearing some ! / nmc , nmc , nmu 1 vote : I 'm going to check out early . I have to get back to the rat race in the morning ( . . . and end of vacation depression blows goats . ) Have a great week everyone . See you on Thursday . 1 vote : lilyspad : [ i . imgur . com image 640x478 ] Hai ! Broke out of work early . . . it 's even too hot for customers , apparently ! So , you guize are stuck with me for some extra time today ! I can smell your joy . Or maybe , that 's just QJ 's hushpuppies ! ! ! : DHe 's got back up now in the form of his MOM ! However , I am proud of him for being so generous with the sharing of the hushpuppies . 1 vote : lilyspad : Ha ! Looks like we both had the same thoughts on the heat ! ! ! ! : DI 'm so glad the heat is settling down . Being on foot for my commute it sucks to arrive at work in the morning all hot and sweaty , even if it is before 7AM and only a 20 min walk ! lilyspad : [ i . imgur . com image 640x429 ] 1 vote : AARRRRGH ! ! Stupid friggin county library computers ! Fourth time I 've tried to post before system locks up from all the damn local trash playing yahoo games online ! Anywhooos , Happy Caturday ! Sorry I 'm late , spent the weekend at my place with whiskey between two AC units . Or was that with AC between two whiskey units ? Kind of hazy at this point . . . ALIEN ! Good to see you still posting . Please don 't give up , just keep on rolling and keep us appraised of your situation . My offer of paypal is still out there , let me have a contact email so I can send a little . I 'm not pushing charity , I just feel like crap that you are in such horrible dire straits and I 'm unable to help you ! ! And now , some cats . Asbestos lining sold seperately . . . 1 vote : lilyspad : akimbotoo : lilyspad : [ i . imgur . com image 640x415 ] Okay , I am OFFICIALLY done with this heat ! Holy cow ! It 's 98 right now . . . again . Supposed to be in the upper 90 's for another week . I 'm gonna snap , I tell ya ! ! ! ! If you guize read about some crazy middle - aged woman running naked through the neighbors sprinklers while drinking beer , start collecting bail money ! : DI 'll bring a camera too ! : DOr video . . . . . : D You 're twisted , I like that ! ! ! Hahaha ! ! ! You have that right ! I would probably bring the Flip too so we could have Youtube - ready videos ! We had old friends visit us earlier this week and I think I shocked him a little with my sense of humor . I told them the story about when I had the metal plate & screws removed from my ankle after my fracture adventure . I was disappointed that the surgeon wouldn 't let me watch the operation . I had a spinal anesthetic instead of the general anesthetic and got a bit bored after a while because I couldn 't tell how many screws were still left to be removed . It seemed like it was taking forever ! I asked him to make them " plink " in the bowl like in the cowboy movies so I could tell how far along he was . Everyone laughed , but he did it for me ! 1 vote : lilyspad : yobbery : How to drive your cat apeshiat crazy Bwahahaha ! ! ! ! I see a disco light in Lily 's future ! ! ! ! ! : DDoooo eeeeet ! ! ! / don 't forget the tunes : o ) 1 vote : tigerose : yobbery : tigerose : OlderGuy : tigerose : Hello ! I could not find Eli for a while today . And no one remembered if he was in or out . Turns out he was in the attic ! Good thing today was not so hot as it haz been ! Geez I think that cat needs a locator appMicrochip with GPS : o ) Hmmmm ! I am thinking of hazing him chipped . The local petsupply place does them for 10 bucks ? Worth every penny in case he gets lost or picked up . Do they have a veterinary clinic there ? Won 't help much for attic trappings though . You may want to get him an iPhone if he keeps insisting on going up there . [ www . smugmug . com image 300x169 ] if I have to get the data plan , he will have to settle for Meowers Code . . . 1 vote : lilyspad : yobbery : How to drive your cat apeshiat crazy [ www . smugmug . com image 500x500 ] Bwahahaha ! ! ! ! I see a disco light in Lily 's future ! ! ! ! ! : DThat would be cruel ! / Make sure you get a video : o ) 1 vote : tigerose : OlderGuy : tigerose : Hello ! I could not find Eli for a while today . And no one remembered if he was in or out . Turns out he was in the attic ! Good thing today was not so hot as it haz been ! Geez I think that cat needs a locator appMicrochip with GPS : o ) Hmmmm ! I am thinking of hazing him chipped . The local petsupply place does them for 10 bucks ? Worth every penny in case he gets lost or picked up . Do they have a veterinary clinic there ? Won 't help much for attic trappings though . You may want to get him an iPhone if he keeps insisting on going up there . 1 vote : Mrs CDK : Been busy this weekend but wanted to pop in to say hi . . . [ i384 . photobucket . com image 500x375 ] * waves * Hai ! Busy over here , too . Trying to do a Super Secret Lair of Infinite Doom project ( rearranging my room ) , cleaning Grandma 's room out at least part way so Mom doesn 't have to dig through the medical stuff , just the happy memories and also building a couple sets of shelves and rearranging the garage - all while my Mom is on vacation . So , she should have the best vacation and return from vacation EVER , all things considered . 1 vote : Hello , everybody . been a busy summer around the infinity household . i 've been behind on every one of my leisurely pursuits , including caturdays . However , I feel I would be terribly remiss if I didn 't make a small announcement while the thread was still open . We have been looking for some furkids to adopt for about a month now . We wanted to get 2 , so they could keep each other company . Without trying to be too picky about breed , color , etc . The important part was personality and sociability with other animals . We also wanted fairly close to same age or litter mates if possible . Our source is the local humane society . We made a few visits and fell for a pair of kittens , a brother and sister , only to find they had just been taken that day . But there were more kittens at a local pet store in an adoption partnership with the humane society being the beneficiary . There were 2 tabbies and 2 all black kitties , the one girl kitty was one of the all black ones . She was also the shyest and most timid of the bunch . We wanted to take her and one of her tabby brothers , but the policy was cash only and we didn 't have it on us at the time . When we called the next day , the tabby we wanted had been adopted . I didn 't want to leave the all black brother by himself , because sadly , the black kitties just don 't get taken home as readily . So we took both of the black kitties , which actually thrilled me to no end , because I love black kitties . They 've been in our house all of 22 hours so far . I 'm about to go into a diabetic coma . I 'm so glad we took one of her brothers , because the little girl would be so lost by herself . As it is now , she 's coming out of her shell more and more . They were both sleeping under the coffee table , out in the open and not hiding under the bed . This is a great sign . They are 13 weeks old , already spayed and neutered , microchipped . They look to be in very good health , they had just arrived from the foster home an hour before we saw them in the store for the first time . It is so nice of them to let us stay in2it 2013 - 07 - 21 12 : 21 : 43 PM 1 vote : John Buck 41 : Jazzy , never far away from either of us . Here making sure Mrs . Bucks chair doesn 't blow off the dock . [ farm4 . staticflickr . com image 500x375 ] She didn 't want to wait on shore while Mom was out in the kayak . [ farm8 . staticflickr . com image 500x375 ] Fiona will not leave my side if it is raining . So much so that she followed me into the shower . I don 't get dog logic . My daughter came out to visit and laughed so hard at this . 1 vote : tigerose : Good Meowning ! Wow ! I slept like a cat last night ! Eli was out on the front porch when I got up this morning . Now he is on the hassock , curled by my toes . So nice to start my day this way ! You guys were busy last night ! And funny as well . I nearly spilled my coffee . . . horrors ! : ) Not the coffee ! ! ! My mom is getting ready for her vacation and will be leaving for the airport in a few hours , so I 'll be in and outta here for a while . Gotta go to the store for a buncha dollahs and then find the phone number for the male strippers . ; - p 1 vote : AlienDandelion : Real Women Drink Akvavit : catmandu : in2it : In my last post with Cat Women and Batman , look at all the famous cats : ) When I first looked it was a cute cartoon , then Simon 's Cat caught my eye and I took a closer look . I identified most of the cats . I zeroed in on Bill the Cat right away . Bloom County was my favorite comic strip in like forever . I even still have my Bill the Cat plushie . Now that Bloom County is gone , I like Get Fuzzy , of course . Bucky is my cartoon kitteh fave with the crazy and the crafty and the thinly veiled ( if veiled at all ) insults . [ tolkiengateway . net image 725x377 ] I agree . Bucky is one of my favorites too : ) As well as the man behind http : / / theoatmeal . com / oh and cyanide and happiness because they have a twisted sense of humour like me muwahhh ahhhhaI been meaning to pick up The Oatmeal 's book about how to tell if your cat is trying to kill you , but I can 't do that until I either ( 1 ) get a new bookshelf as I 've no room for all the books I have now or ( 2 ) get rid of some books . I 'll never do ( 2 ) so I 'm going to rearrange furniture this week so I can do ( 1 ) next month . Also : Cracked me up . Also , emailed it to my mother ( who yes , was in the next room , but emailing is still easier ) 1 vote : Okay , I have to go for tonight . Hey QJ ! Please tell Oscar that I am having a bologna sammich tonight for dinner in his honor ! Plus , it just sounded good . HUGS to all ! ! ! : D 1 vote : lilyspad : in2it : [ i . imgur . com image 620x854 ] Dammit in2it ! I was just going to post that ! ! ! ! You beat me to it ! ! : DSorry just hitting it a little too hard : ) 1 vote : lilyspad : Lots of really great posts today ! Took me a bit to catch up . Hey QJ ! When do we get to see pics of Oscar ? ? I think I read somewhere along the line that you have a camera with lots of megapickles ? ? ? * hint * : D 1 vote : Some things you just can 't explain , and wouldn 't want to even if you could . QJ made this adorable LOL of my favourite picture of Sarah a long time ago : I keep one copy of this lol in my lolcats folder on my computer . It is the source folder for my computer 's screen saver . The screen saver randomly chooses a few dozen lols at a time to cycle through , out of nearly 3000 in the whole folder . Somehow , this one shows up in the rotation almost every single time ! It 's as if she 's out there somewhere , making sure we see it a lot since she knows we like it so much . It always makes us smile . I know it 's weird , but I thought you guys would get a kick out of it . : ) 1 vote : neurofunkin : Some recent shelter additions : Itty bitty litter of 6 that came in . [ i322 . photobucket . com image 450x600 ] At an adoption event : [ i322 . photobucket . com image 600x450 ] D ' AWWWW ! I so want to hold some babby fur babbies ! I can 't do that , though . I 'd bring one home . I 'm in my 40 's . I don 't need to be tickin ' off my mom at my age ! It 's . . . . awkward . 1 vote : Real Women Drink Akvavit : I 'd still head straight to that beautiful mountain in your pic , though . We could go Squatchin ' in between snowball fights ! YAY ! ! ! My kitteh accomplice ! Let 's go ! I know where they live : - ) 1 vote : Real Women Drink Akvavit : sherpa18 : I was going to ask if you guys got in a brawl over some chicken wings or something . Dragon could totally take you , dude . Specially since you wouldn 't put up much of a fight . ; - p / you 're a good Dragon daddy , Sherpa ! Good jorb ! / yeah , it 's not that tough to tell who is in charge here : o ) 1 vote : lilyspad : [ i . imgur . com image 640x427 ] They sure are cute when they 're little ! Is that an opossum ? Or whatever those scary , hideous things are called ? ' Cuz if it is , well played , Mother Nature . That would totally trick me into trying to cuddle it . sherpa18 : lilyspad : I agree . . . and he looks great ! ! ! You GO Dragon ! ! ! ♥ Thanks . / yes people , i am aware that i need to vacuum / / and that is just food on his nose from licking his meds out of cat food cans [ i415 . photobucket . com image 640x564 ] I was going to ask if you guys got in a brawl over some chicken wings or something . Dragon could totally take you , dude . Specially since you wouldn 't put up much of a fight . ; - p / you 're a good Dragon daddy , Sherpa ! Good jorb ! 1 vote : lilyspad : sherpa18 : You sure are up early today ! : DLike I had a freaking choice ? : o ) sherpa18 2013 - 07 - 20 08 : 31 : 48 AM 1 vote : ArmednHammered : sherpa18 : ArmednHammered : the three seashells ! I still haven 't figured out that joke . / i guess it 's back to the litter box with you ! I 'll take a litter box over seashells any day ! That shait looks painful ! ; - ) Yeah , just wait until that chili you made last night starts working . . . . 1 vote : Dezilith : I 'm going to be ostracized for a week . The GoGo Beastie reacts that way every month when I put the flea stuff on her . Except feeding times , of course . I 'm trying to HELP , silly Go ! She hates the smell though , and runs at the sight of the little tube . Heh . 1 vote : / fast fun fact - I used to work security for a local club about once a week when they had heavy metal shows and " fetish events " / / easiest . job . EVER 1 vote : I looked high . . . I looked low . . . . and couldn 't find Jazz . . . ( 4yr old Russian Blue ) Yanno , the ' Plump One ' . . . Brunhilda . . . . aka ( as Q _ J once captioned her . . . . Goodyear . Miss * I ain 't afraid of you . . . I 'll kick yer azz * This one . . . Well . . . on the first day here . . . . after a room - to - room search & 25 mins later , I find her . . . . guess where ! ! ! . . . . . . And when I gently picked her up , and cuddled & murmured to her . . . I was ever so grateful that it was a brand new , unused , litterbox . I 'm very , very glad that she is comfortable enough to lay around the house " belly - up " . 1 vote : lilyspad : I had some the DUMBEST customers this week . . . . . makes you wonder how they survived to adulthood . Seriously . yobbery 2013 - 07 - 19 11 : 15 : 38 PM 1 vote : ArmednHammered : sherpa18 : ArmednHammered : the three seashells ! I still haven 't figured out that joke . [ i415 . photobucket . com image 305x450 ] / i guess it 's back to the litter box with you ! I 'll take a litter box over seashells any day ! That shait looks painful ! ; - ) 1 vote : lilyspad : [ i . imgur . com image 199x640 ] This is too funny . Well , at least to ME , anyway . I 'm twisted , in case y ' all haven 't figured that out yet . : D * high five * / I lol 'd , too 1 vote : OlderGuy : sherpa18 : gremlin1 : another hot , muggy day . 88 feels like 95 and humid . Is that all ? When I checked my balcony thermometer an hour or so ago , it was still 101 ° : o ( [ i415 . photobucket . com image 500x375 ] Was 97 here today . . had planned to hit Busch Gardens tomorrow . . forecast of 96 + possible TStorms . . will reschedule for another weekend . . . humidity yesterday was so bad you could see it . . . . . . We 've been in the 90 's with oppressive humidity for a few days . A front just moved through about 2 hours ago and temps are now in the mid 70 's . Still humid but It feels great . 1 vote : professional _ vampire : Hi , everyone ! Holy Ceiling Cat , it 's hot ! Wait a second - if I remember correctly , you have a pool , don 't you ? I guess the rest of us will just have to improvise : o ) * runs off to look up p _ v 's address * 1 vote : gremlin1 : another hot , muggy day . 88 feels like 95 and humid . Is that all ? When I checked my balcony thermometer an hour or so ago , it was still 101 ° : o ( 1 vote : predle : This is me trying to figure out Windows 8 . About the only thing I 've been able to figure out is how to post to Caturday . There is an add - on available that will restore your start / menu button so that you can find stuff . As I don 't use 8 myself , I have no experience with it , but I have heard good things about it . 1 vote : Real Women Drink Akvavit : The Ice Queen : Cosmo tripped me when I got home so I 'm all black and blue . GoGo Beastie only does that when I 'm at least halfway up the stairs . Any less and it is no longer a proper homicide attempt , I guess . You OK ' cept the lovely new color accessories ? [ assets . dogtime . com image 400x327 ] Why is it they will race you up the steps but never down ? Biscuit and Nate ( especially Biscuit ) must ALWAYS be the first to the top of the stairs . It wouldn 't be so bad if they didn 't give you a head start . 1 vote : Thank you , Sherpa . * sits in box * YAY ! ! ! Spinnyr , Koa is a handsome kitteh and no , I do not think he wants to share either . I 've always like Abyssinians . He 's got some neat coloring . Most of the Abs I 've seen around here are the Ruddy variety . 1 vote : Been a really long week in the basement of Mordor . Told the boss I 'd had enough for a week and left at 2 : 00 . Went out and found some of the " Farking Wheaton w00tstout " made by Drew , Wil Wheaton and Greg Koch of Stone Brewery . I have to say , it 's pretty damn tasty . It 's dark , thick , hasn 't been hopped to death and best of all it 's 13 % alcohol , what 's not to like ? I grabbed three of the 24 Oz . bottles and I don 't expect them to last the night . ; - ) It 's good enough that I 'll buy a case if my local store has one available . / not a paid spokesman etc . etc . Please excuse me while I go whip up some chili for dinner so I can do the following later . . . . 1 vote : Thank you , ArmednHammered . I actually went through most of the grieving process before she died , which was actually one of the harder parts of it because when I realized that 's what I was doing , I felt incredibly guilty . I have no idea why , but I did . At this point there really is just trying to remember what " normal " life is like again . After over 10 years of caring for her , about half of those on each end of it being full - time , hands on type care , that 's going to be hard to remember how to do . We 'll get there , though . 1 vote : catmandu : in2it : In my last post with Cat Women and Batman , look at all the famous cats : ) When I first looked it was a cute cartoon , then Simon 's Cat caught my eye and I took a closer look . I identified most of the cats . I zeroed in on Bill the Cat right away . Bloom County was my favorite comic strip in like forever . I even still have my Bill the Cat plushie . Now that Bloom County is gone , I like Get Fuzzy , of course . Bucky is my cartoon kitteh fave with the crazy and the crafty and the thinly veiled ( if veiled at all ) insults . 1 vote : I hate to even say it , cuz I don 't want to be the Caturday bummer , but I know some of you guys pay attention and will wonder . My Grandma died Tuesday morning at 11 : 25 . She couldn 't talk or move , but she could hear us and would make faces or noises to respond a bit , so we made sure at least one of us was with her at all times , so she wouldn 't be alone and scared . I had just finished my turn for a 2 hour nap and went to go sit with her so my mom could get a nap . I sat next to her , told her I loved her for probably the eleventybillionth time while I was sitting there holding her hand , she responded a little bit , took a few more breaths and died . Please do not get bummed out or think " omg ! what do I say ? " ( like I do ) or hesitate to have fun and raise the basement ! I like fun , I am fine , will be fine and we knew this was coming . We are sad and a bit lost , but the last few years were hard , the last couple weeks nightmarish . She actually told me about a week before she died " I 'd leave but you won 't let me go " . Mom and I both told her that when she wanted to go , it was OK , that we 'd be sad , but we 'd understand and we 'd be OK . We are OK for the most part , just not really sure what to do with ourselves and very sad , but at the same time we are happy that her suffering is over . Mom is going on her scheduled vacation Sunday still , because she needs it badly , and we 'll figure out who is going to take her and grandpa 's ashes back to Norway when we get them back . So , on with life , best we can . Thank you to my Caturday family and all the other Farkers who have given me tons of support , lots of hugs and ear skritches for teh kittehs and pics of things to make me smile . My grandma loved you guize too , even if she didn 't understand most of it . lol ! Now , on wit teh kritter pics ! 1 vote : " And then . . . . And then they take silly pictures of you and put words on the pictures to make it look like you 're saying ridiculous things that you 'd never really say ! " Happee Caturday everybuddee ! About time too . : ) 1 vote : My brother sent me a picture today of three gray cats who showed up to camp out on his daughters ' playskool table on the patio : Only one of them belong to him . He 's not sure why the other two were there , but he called it a " puddle of gray fur . " Said they spent most of the day sleeping . Saturday Night MMA : Bellator 180 live from Madison Square Garden . Chael Sonnen vs Wanderlei Silva , Fedor Emelianenko vs Matt Mitrione . Early prelims stream at 6pm ET , Prelims at 8pm on Spike TV , main card PPV at 10pm ( bellator . spike . com ) » ( 19 comments ) Saturday Night MMA : Bellator 180 live from Madison Square Garden . Chael Sonnen vs Wanderlei Silva , Fedor Emelianenko vs Matt Mitrione . Early prelims stream at 6pm ET , Prelims at 8pm on Spike TV , main card PPV at 10pm ( bellator . spike . com ) » ( 19 comments ) The most important inventions to come from each state , all in one map . The state that invented the surfboard won 't surprise you . But the state that invented the cellphone might ( marketwatch . com ) » ( 77 comments ) At first I was like : " Wow . Howie Mandel has his own day now . " Then I was like " WTF is a Howie Day ? Then I was like " Cool : he must be brilliant or he wouldn 't be performing at CERN , where Sir Tim Berners - Lee invented HTML and thus the web " ( symmetrymagazine . org ) » ( 11 comments ) At first I was like : " Wow . Howie Mandel has his own day now . " Then I was like " WTF is a Howie Day ? Then I was like " Cool : he must be brilliant or he wouldn 't be performing at CERN , where Sir Tim Berners - Lee invented HTML and thus the web " ( symmetrymagazine . org ) » ( 11 comments )
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Yesterday was Opening Day for baseball , its always a fun morning but its not fun being ready and being there by 8 : 30am . Though I can 't complain I had a couple friends who had to have their kids there by 8 , yuck . I 'm so not a morning person . . . Here are some pics from the opening day ceremonies . . . . First I 'd like to apologize for the crappy quality of my pics , my camera does not take good far way shots . This was all of the teams lining up on one field . They ran across to the other field as they were announced . Logan is with the orange shirt team , the Orioles . Logans team taking the big field ! I believe Logan is the second kid in the shot . As a part of Opening Day , they also do the team pictures . Logan is in the back the first one on the left . After we were through with opening day , we headed back home , I dropped the boys off and went into work for a few hours . I normally work every other Saturday and it just happened to be my day to work but luckily the other girl worked the first few hours for me so I could go to baseball . It was a pretty uneventful day after that . The boys and I went to lunch with my mom and then we just came home and hung out until Logan 's game at 5 . I did take some pics at the game but they came out pretty bad , I 'm going to try to get some better ones at this weeks game . He 's doing pretty well in tball this year and seems to be enjoying it more . I hope its something he gets into and excels at . I was never involved in any sort of team or sports when I was growing and always wished I was . I 'm not really sure why I wasn 't , I guess I was just really shy . When I was younger the thought of being out there on a field in front of other people with them watching me just scared the crap out of me . Then by the time I got to high school and was semi better about it I felt stupid joining stuff because everyone was pretty tight since they had grown up playing these sports together . Somehow I don 't think either of my kids will have this problem , they are not shy one bit ! Welcome to the April 23 Friday Follow celebration hosted by One 2 Try , Hearts Make Families and Midday Escapades ! We invite you to join us every Friday to get more blog followers and to follow other interesting blogs . It is all about sharing and having fun . For once we had a sort of easy , laid back week for once in I don 't know how long . It just seems like for the past couple months we were running here there and everywhere every single day . It got old real quick . For once I actually had my two days that I 'm off of work to actually be HOME . Can you imagine ? ! Something struck me Tuesday ( and it doesn 't happen too often ) but I decided to do some serious spring cleaning . My living room was a mess . . . I did windows , moved furniture , rearranged and cleaned out toys . It was a mess ! I couldn 't believe how many cobwebs I had in the cornors and along the ceilings , disgusting ! ! Its now Thursday and its actually still reasonably clean . Sunday I have plans to do some major work upstairs now that is a MESS ! It seems to be the dumping ground for everything that doesn 't have a place , those things are going to be finding new homes at Goodwill this weekend I do believe . Logan 's Tball is officially underway . He 's doing so much better this year . Last year was his first year playing and lets just say he spent most of his time in the outfield picking flowers or playing in the dirt . His first game was this past Tuesday and he was paying attention and caught the ball ! He just seems so much more into this year , I 'm so glad , I was having doubts on weather or not to sign him up . Saturday is the big opening day festivites for all the teams , we have to be there bright and early on saturday morning . Its actually pretty cool , they announce all the kids and they all run out on the big field with their teams and just make a big deal about it . After team pictures at 10 : 30 we can leave but then we have to head back for a 5pm game so its going to be a busy day . Somewhere amongst all that I have to head to work for a few hours too . I 'm going to take my camera along so I can share some pics of him in his cute little baseball uniform . . . so cute ! ! Its been a crazy busy week here . We 've been busy with t ball practice and playing outside . By the time we come in at night its bedtime and I 've been crashing right along with the boys most nights . Last Sunday , for some strange reason , I decided to take both boys with me to the grocery store . Yeah I know what was I thinking ? Normally Cole and I go during the week when Logan is in school . By last Sunday though I was at the point I just couldn 't wait any longer . I didn 't think Ryan would really have enjoyed a lunch of soy sauce , ketchup and the tupperware container of unrecognizable leftovers . So off we went . I would have left the boys with Ryan but I kind of like the company ( I don 't think I 'll ever say that again ! ) and he was busy mowing and working on his garden . On the way there I had a talk with them ( more so Logan ) and explained that I was not buying every little thing that he sees and no junk . Also for some strange reason he feels the need to touch EVERYTHING in any store we go into . It drives me insane . I 'm waiting for the day the huge display of apples comes crashing down . We walk in the door and Cole immediatley starts screaming for a donut which is of course at the complete opposite end of the store , I was not heading there first . I knew I wouldn 't be able to keep him from eating it and I 'm just weird about my kids eating things before we pay for them , I 'm afraid they 'll accuse me of shoplifting . So we get through the first few aisles , all the while Cole is still demanding a donut and getting louder with each demand . All the while I 'm trying to calm him down and distract him with toys from my bag and my coupons to no avail . Then all of a sudden Logan chimes in with his own rendition of Sugarland 's song All I Want To Do . If you don 't know the song , go , listen to it now and you will see just how annoying hearing the chorus sung over and over and over again , its the only part he knows . This was all mixed in with Cole still shouting , by this time , for his donut . I am still trying to get them both to stop . Then came the dirty looks from people . I understand they were annoying , I get it believe me . But I mean come on , especially from the other women that had to have had some children in their lives , eithWhen we got home I told Ryan that I was never again taking both boys to the grocery store again , no matter what . Next time he can pack the soy sauce , ketchup and mystery leftovers for his lunch or he can take the boys to the grocery store by himself . First off I want to thank you all for the suggestions on getting the nailpolish out of the carpet . I still have a couple spots to work on but its better than it was . I ended up using nailpolish remover , it worked but it was a pain . . . . That day didn 't get any better . Cole went to work with me and he was miserable all day and into everything , it was so not worth it . We come home , had dinner and the boys got in the tub . While Ryan was taking Logan up to bed , I was in the bathroom and Cole was in the living room . . . . Can you believe he found ANOTHER bottle of nailpolish and was just getting ready to paint my carpet steam machine that was still sitting there from the morning fiasco ? ? ? The thing is I don 't have the nailpolish sitting anywhere where he can reach it , I don 't even HAVE that much of it , I think that was the only two bottles I still had . The only thing I can think of is Logan or someone knocked them out of the bathroom closet , didnt pick them up and I didn 't see them . Needless to say there will be no more nailpolish to enter this house until they are both at least 18 . Yesterday Logan had off of school for Easter Vacation / Spring Break . It was my scheduled day to work but early in the morning he came over and got in bed with me complaining that his ear hurt . At some point he came downstairs and slept , when Ryan got up to go to work , he came up and said Logan threw up . GREAT . So I stayed home with the boys . He ended up being fine the rest of the day so I 'm not sure what was up . Too much Easter candy and excitment over the weekend ? That 's what I 'm thinking . Though I do need to call his dr about his ears , he 's been complaining about his ears hurting but without a fever or anything , he 's never really sick sick . So we just hung around the house and I cleaned . My house needed it desperately ! It was disgusting and there was just stuff everywhere , I can 't stand it . Oh how I can 't wait for the third bedroom to be done . Right now the boys share a room and all of their toys are in the living room and enclosed front porch . Its a mess . It never fails though , everytime I mop the kitchen floor , within 5 seconds of dumping the water and putting everything away someone spills a bottle of juice or something equally sticky all over the floor . Sometimes I wonder why I even bother . . . Logan & Cole spent the morning and early after noon playing rather nicely together , it amazes me how well they do get along with each other . Logan is always looking out for him . When we went to the egg hunt on Saturday it really bothered him that he wasn 't hunting with Cole , he was afraid Cole wouldn 't get any eggs . How sweet is that . Then yesterday afternoon they were laying up in there room watching cartoons , while I finished cleaning ( i think I was actually mopping the floor ; ) and Logan came down but not Cole . After awhile I asked Logan to go check on him . He looked all around and said I can hear him but I don 't see him . Here Cole had gone up to the attic but was too scared to come back down . So Logan went up himself and helped him back down the steps . He made him sit on the kitchen chair ( all the while Cole was crying ) and asked him in a calm soothing voice . . . " what 's wrong buddy ? Are you scared ? Don 't be scared . Let me check your feet . " ( he had to walk through the room that is being remodeled to get to the attic , I guess he was afraid he hurt his feet on the wood floors ) It was just so sweet : * ) He wouldn 't let me deal with it , he had it under control . Now here are more pictures from this weekends festivities . On Saturday after the egg hunt we had dinner with sil & her family at fil 's house with his new wife and her parents . The kids all had a blast together ! As you can see Cole wasted no time digging right into the candy this morning . This wasn 't even his first piece , when he got his basket at home he immediately picked the chocolate bunny out of the basket and ate about half of it . . . all before 8am . : ) Hope you all had a wonderful Easter ! ! ! Today was the start of our Easter festivities . It started bright and early this morning with an egg hunt at the local high school . This was Cole 's first ' real ' egg hunt , for some reason we didn 't go to any last year . It was actually really nice , it wasn 't very crowded and the parents all pretty much backed off and left the kids have at it . They were split up according to ages so I stayed with Cole at the smaller field while Ryan took Logan to the older kids field . At the 2 - 4 year olds field they had 2 , 000 eggs spread out and there might have been about 50 kids ( if that ) there so Cole made out pretty good . Though he really didn 't understand the point at first but once he got the hang of it he was grabbing handfuls of them to put in his basket . I just realized this is the only picture I got of Cole at the egg hunt . I couldn 't figure out how to snap pictures , hold a basket and point him in the right direction . Now I feel really bad because this is the only picture I got of Logan at the egg hunt . He 's way off in the distance in the center . He did awesome though , his basket was overflowing with eggs , so much so that Ryan said he had to stop because he couldn 't fit anymore into the basket . After the hunt we had to go and empty out the eggs to see if he got one of the prize eggs . Cole and Ryan were already in the prize line because the Easter Bunny that was walking around gave Cole a special prize ticket . So Logan and I picked a spot out of the way and started the long process of snapping open the eggs and emptying them out . I must say this year was a lot better , normally they don 't put very good candy in the eggs , its a lot of taffy , starburst type candy which my kids don 't normally like and its not even the starburst kind its the knock off kind that taste like plastic . This year we got alot of coupons to local restaurants for kids meals and stuff . Not just kid restaurants either , it was the nicer local steakhouse places . My kids actually like going there but its rather pricey and we usually only get to go there once a year . As we were going through the eggs , I dumped on into the basket thinking it was candy but when it made a funny noise I looked down and it was a green colored cube . . . one of the elusive prize eggs ! So we went and waited in line . . . I wasnt ' sure how they were giving out prizes because there were an awful lot of people waiting and alot of little things being given out , books , stuffed animals that kind of stuff . Not to sound ungrateful or anything the books would have been fine we love books here but I was praying it was not another stuffed animal . . . I swear those things breed , we have a million of them . So we finally get up to the table and they start making a big deal when Logan says he has a green cube . Then they pull this out of a box behind them . . . . It is the Toy Story 3 in 1 playset . He was pretty excited about it and I was too , I almost got it for him for Christmas , so glad I didn 't now ! After he won that he got to get his picture taken with the Easter bunny because he won it . I wish I would have gotten a picture of that too but I just wasn 't thinking . After we left there , we went home for a little while and then headed to my fil 's house for Easter dinner there with my sil her family , fil , his wife , her son and parents and fils parents . I have more pictures and stories from that but I think I will save them for a later day , I don 't want to overwhelm you with pictures all at once ; ) On the knitting front I 'm having major issues . I was working on my monkey socks the other day and my yarn would not come out of my center pull ball anymore . It kept getting hung up and snagged on itsself . So I had the bright idea to rewind it from the outside well that just made an even bigger mess . So right now its in a time out . Last night I started working on my Multnomah and I ended up having the same issue with that . I 'm almost finished with the shawl and want to get it DONE . So I started rewinding that from the outside too and made another HUGE mess . I tried for about an hour or more to get it fixed to no avail . I ended up having to cut it and rejoin it to the non messed up ball . I have no idea whats going on . Any ideas ? Could it be my winder or just something that I 'm doing wrong in the winding process ? I didn 't get the chickens finished for the boys baskets . I have one almost done but there is no way I 'm going to get the other one done and in the basket for tomorrow , maybe I 'll give one to Cole and make Logans later I don 't know . . . I 'm just not feeling the knitting love right now . I 'm at a loss as what to work on , I 'm not finding anything that I really really want to make . I need to find some things soon so I can take a shopping list along to the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival ! ! Hi ! Welcome to my little corner of the Internet ! This blog is a ( sometimes ) daily look at raising two boys who are heavily involved in many different sports . As well as my overwhelming love of knitting & most things yarn related . View my complete profile
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Holy soreness batman ! Since the weather decided to be un - godly hot and humid , lovely heat advisory and to top it off I 'm lazy and did not get up at 6am for my run . I had to head to the gym to run . First off here in the Low Country it hasn 't been below 90 in a very very long time , I think early June ? I may be exaggerating but not by a lot . I have been able to run at anytime with no problem , reason behind it is that is has been dry . Like desert dry . Oh ha , that couldn 't last for long . It has heavily rained too many times and now you could eat the air it is so FLIPPING humid . UGH . So I head to the gym , I brought my new shoes for XT as well as my running shoes . I want to try and see if they will help my shins and what not during it . Also I just don 't think I should be jumping and other activities in my running shoes . Aren 't they just supposed to be for running ? I believe it will help keep down the wear and tear on them . Or I just like them because they are pretty and bright . The Under Armour AU Running shoe . Ha , I just looked it up . It is a low profile running shoe to go with your natural running style . Hmmm . I wouldn 't run in them I don 't think . They are tight , need really thin socks and the toe box is big . The 7 . 5s didn 't fit so I bought the 7s . Really got them for $ 40 . 00 so , I was told I need to shop around find different shoes . Since I cannot get my Brooks GTS10 any more , why must they always " upgrade . " DUDE if it 's not broken DON ' T FIX ITTT . Anyways , I slammed on my ipod , which I need new head phone . Listened to some tunes . Dang , Eminem gets me running good . Angry music just makes me run great . So I clocked out 4miles as prescribed my DR . S . C . at and around 8 : 41ish . Then I changed shoes and began my XT . I did a bunch of core work with legs and some arms . Weighted lungs + 100 , weighted squats 45 , crunches 25 , bicycle 50 hold plank 45 sec repeat 2x , my favorite slider workouts ( furniture moving sliders ) plank walk forward and backwards and military crawl forward and backwards ( feet on the sliders ) . Bent over rows , curls , some more crunches for lower abs . Ooo another favorite cardio pushup ( without the push up ) http : / / www . youtube . com / watch ? v = s02aJhakLJw I felt completely out of shape my friends , I know I did it to myself for not XT since IDK sometime in June . I was doing so good last month then the birthday came and I just ate icecream all the time and bags of candy and a whole hummingbird cake ( made with real humming birds ) I drank wine too often . Yeah . Pretty bad . Now I am paying for it . Maybe I should jump on the " get sluttie " band wagon . Is it too late ? ? ? Am I tooHappy Wednesday Who 's ready for some TEAM USA ! ? ! ? ! ? I finished " The Long Run " today . It was really a book I could not put down . I know I have been talking about this book for a few days , but dang . How much more inspired do you need to be ? I know this guy will never be 100 % but he still never let an obstacle block him . However painful the miles were he did them . I hate to think how painful the rest of his life his . Obviously he is not the only person who has been in these circumstances , but he is fortunate to of had his story heard . Whether he initially wanted it heard . All day I had planned to run my 5 miles after work , since for the life of me I could not get up at 6am to run . Then the time came to come home . What did I do ? I grabbed " The Long Run " glass of wine and chocolate . Ugh . I have been here for weeks doing the same thing ! Not so great . But once I completed the book I don 't know I just couldn 't sit there all night . I had to run . it was just wrong to be lazy and down in the dumps for no actual reason . I felt ashamed . I put puppers in her kennel , laced my shoes up , slapped on Mr . Garmin and headed out . It rained for about an hour after I had gotten out of work . When I stepped outside the apartment the rain had all but stopped . Just sprinkling now . I always loved running in the rain or right after a storm in college . It just always felt good , and usually it ended up being a group easy run , with the XC or track team that was always a good day . I made sure to run through every puddle and wet spot that was in my way . It was going to be one of " though " runs . I ran towards downtown Summerville , which is just like a Nicholas Sparks book / movie , really quaint . One day I will take my camera with me ( all photos were found on Google images ) . Though the sky still appeared that it could open up and all helllllll - o could break loose . I ran through the downtown past the courthouse . Traffic was bad , as it can be for the small area . People from the bank and courthouse were just leaving work still . Then I got to a park , I remember the Flowertown Festival was here . So I ran through that , mud and wet everywhere . Loved it . Finally Mr . Garmin beeped that it was time to turn around and head back . So I did … The Run : Mile Time 1 9 : 44 2 8 : 23 3 8 : 32 4 9 : 07 5 8 : 32 . 01 23 : 11 5 . 01 44 : 30 As you can see I am really good at pacing … NOT . Love I 'm all over the place . The first mile though Mr . Garmin and I did not agree . I didn 't know if it got the satellites and for the first . 75 miles it said my pace at 14 : 30 hmmm okay . NOTE : When I went to look up images of dark skies , this is the first image that popped up on Google images . Interesting . . . . Who doesn 't love them some Caddy Shack ? Happy Friday ! For a while now I have wanted to read " the Long Run , " it has been on my list since I found it almost a year ago . My big brother , a DC metro officer , was in a serious auto accident . It was not on duty , but leaving work to head home . Out of everyone involved his injuries were the most severe . http : / / bit . ly / ok7WFN ( I thank all the loopsters who said a prayer for him ) I think I should of read the book then and there . It may have helped me and my family understands what he was going through better , what was going on in my brothers ' head . But I am reading it now . If only now I could have the relationship we once had , awh , but reading a book can 't not solve that other issue . Side : My brother has fully recovered by Christmas and is now back on the streets patrolling to keep us safe . Of course there are differences , Long 's injuries were more severe , his road to recovery was longer , and my brother was not an Ironman … No he was superman . To me atleast . In the end it was the same struggles . So far I am about half way through , I 've cried and laughed . If you have not read this book . You really should ! Running … Yeah I do it . I have a plan that I am sort of following , I am so far away from any of the races I have planned . Wondering if I should sign up for one , like late sept or something . I have been enjoying my running freedom with Mr . Garmin . Yesterday I got up at 6 am for my run , put on the iPod , and heavy Mr . G and just ran . I did not have to think about it , it was great ! I am still so giddy over the fact that he will keep trace of how much I have run and how fast . I am McLov ' n it ! I decided on a whole new route , I left the apartments and headed toward the shopping center we live behind . Ran by all the shops , McCalisters , Marble slab ( I have been eating wayyy to much ice cream ) , Target , World Market , Kohli etc . then turned and ran through some empty back roads . It reminded me of my running in college . We did our long runs on back country roads , it was great . Then heading back into the community that is adjacent to my apartment community . It was a boring run , yeah . It was slightly fast . Did not mean for it to be , I just felt good . I think I was avg 8 : 30 again . Trying to hold it down at 8 : 46 so I can train up for a 1 : 30 : 00 Pikermi . Today I have 5 miles , I could not for the life of me get up at 6am for the run so that means I have a 90 + F run this evening … yay me ! My birthday was this past week … I am not very fond of it these past two years . I am very family oriented ; I come from a large Italian family . Family is friends , any chance we get we get together . Anything we do is together . The closest friends are the family . This is how it has always been , I can tell my grandma anything and she has confided in me . I am now 800 miles away from that sanctuary . It is difficult . I still escape to food . For 10 days this is what I did , ate . Bags of twizzelers , chocolate , pretzels , anything that sounded good , I ate it with out a care . July may be ice - cream month , but it really should have been June . I stopped in to Marble Slab wayyyy to many times . It really made me feel like junk in the end . I did not run for 10 days . I felt alone . Which is so silly . I have amazing friends and family down here . Though I am not tied by blood or marriage to any one , these people are still here . I have been with DBF for over a year and a half ( 1year 7months ) . This is a big deal for me , his mom took us out to dinner for my birthday . We sat , ate , and talked for hours . I loved it . Later , I sent her an e - mail thanking her for it , I expressed how it made me feel like I had family down here . She responded with " you are family , " also that she is here for me and really would enjoy getting together more often . I wanted to invite my friends over for dinner for my birthday , cook my families sauce . Everyone was busy … or so I thought . My girlfriend invited me over for a girls night . Wine and hang out since she lost her job . I get to her house late , couldn 't find a place to park all the while I am standing outside her house on the phone with my grandma telling her how I really haven 't celebrated my birthday ( everyones too busy ) . I was just so down . I knock on the door . My DBF answers … say wha ? I walk in and everyone yells " SURPRISE ! " I just stood there in shock , tears running down my face . I have amazing friends and family down here . I am so blessed to have this . It was the best birthday ever , we made sushi and had wine . Enjoyed each others company . Everyone pitched in got me my own sushi making set . I found out the the DBF and my best friend put it together and the DBF had my garmin sent there . So yes , this is right , I have my very own Garmin 405cx . I love it . Really trying to figure out what I want to name it . He sure does have a mind of his own . I have run 3 runs with it ! I feel so carefree ! I just strap it on and run ! Now more needing to decide which path I need to go . I have also happily discovered that my " easy " pace is quite a bit faster than I thought . I believed my " slow " running was in the 9min area . NOPE . 8 : 10 - 8 : 30 I vary a lot . What a happy surprise . So since my birthday I have been back to me , running . Though I don 't know if you guys have experienced this , I am small = small wrists . I put on the smaller band . The Garmin still feels heavy and my arm swings in to my stomach sometimes . Just have to pay attentions with my arm movement . I hope I can get used to it . Well everyone , I hope you enjoy your independence day . Posted by I am beginning to believe that this summer heat is getting to my head . Well at least about running . I just feel like my legs are 100lb weights that I am trying to carry ! From reading and hanging around the loop I am sure it is just the killer heat . Which is normal for down here . Last night I went to my regular bootcamp class . It didn 't appear that there were going to be many sacrifices , not many people showed up to be put in their place . The regular 13yo soccer boy , a 30something yo guy who just started running , a kid between 18 - 20 ( really don 't know his age but he has tattoos ) then few kids . The 30something yo guy was wearing a FLOWERTOWN 5k shirt , which I ran back in MARCH . I asked him how he did , he said great it was a PR for him 22 : xx , he got 2nd in his age group . I said wow pretty good , I ran it too ! He was like oh yeah ? I told him I got 3rd place , he responded oh in your AG ? Naw , overall … The look was priceless . There used to be more but I think it is too hot out . This workout was mostly all cardio . While one person was pulling a tire with a rope the remaining people we doing a move ; pushups , curls , lunges , etc . Every time I got to the running with a tire I just felt , well , slow . Like what the heck ! During some of the group moves my shins were bothering me , darn it . I am really trying to keep the shins in tack . Definitely need to go back to yoga . My abs were slow too , but during all the free running with hands behind our head I could out run everyone . Like , by a lot . For our last move of the night , just sprinting , no tire , no hands behind your head . I felt like I was flying ! Best quote from the 18 - 20 yo , " dang girl WHO ARE YOUU TRAINING FOR ? ! " Note : I am pretty sure he is like a fighter or MMA , only because he acts like it and talked slight about it . Saying " this feels like I 'm training for a fight " Whether he meant it as a joke ? Or as hey I 've trained like this for this type of thing ? ! Also must note , he threw up tonight at class . I am so happy that I can stomach these brutal workouts in Posted by I particular enjoy the gym when I go , usually only for a class . I can 't do the Zumba or dance classes , the class I go to you have to re - think your sanity . I may be slightly sadistic for it , but anyone who enjoy running for 13 . 1 , 26 . 2 , 50 + miles is a little sick in the head anyways . My bootcamp class is one of the highlights of my week , and I get it twice a week . If I don 't come home dirty and cut up , I didn 't work hard enough ! As per usual I am paired up with a guy , because the women cannot keep up with me . Really not trying to boast but they don 't want to be near me . I am extremely competitive . This bootcamp class really brings it out and sadly everyone can see it . We typically go through stations and do drills , this time it involved quite a bit a weights for once . Two highlights I 'll just go over ; fire hose and runs . I have before run with a fire hose up with another person . This time one person held the nozzle end and one person at the other end sitting on the ground . So the guy I was working with runs with the hose out to make it straight then has he is bear crawling back I have to on one side pull the whole thing back to me . Repeat for my other side . Then switch . This whole thing 3x in our time period . AWSOMENESS ! Then the last drill we had was side step , run backwards , run from one side of the parking lot to the other and back . My buddy and I begin , we are neck and neck the whole time . We turn for the run and he blows by me ! I am hot on this kids heels , def not letting him have it easy . If I know anything I know I will out run him ! We get to the turn around and he is out of steam , so I just keep booking it . I get to the finish and he is just start on the last turn ha - ha . There were other personal trainers outside watching us , the one guy looks at me and says " little completive ? " Lesson learned ; You may out sprint me in a short distance , but I will crush you in the end ! So I may not be training for an upcoming race but I am trying to keep my running up until then . I may start next month training for the Savannah Rock and Roll ½ in November , then marathon training sept for a January race . Last night I headed out on a 1 . 2 mile warmup to do some mile repeats . I thought about doing three , but I am really trying to not re - injury my shins . So I settled for 2x 1600m at 6 : 54 to see where I was . I honestly did not think I would be capable of this task . For starters I have not run mile repeats outside in who knows how long ( I can bang them out on a TM ) , its 90 + degrees outside , I know I 'm slow . So after minutes of telling myself I pretty much su . ck . Mile 1 - just need to make it to the half mile by 3 : 30 - 3 : 40ish , Man it is effing hot out ! T - shirt was madness . Look at watch 3 : 00 at the half way what ? I feel so so slow , how can I keep up this pace ? Finish 6 : 33 . Could not believe that one , def did not feel that fast ( slow to many people fast to me ) , breathe , water , walk / jog . Mile 2 - just get it over with . My quads and hamstring felt so felt . I just wanted to stop and crawl . Why did I ever think I wanted to run ? Mouth so dry . Finish 6 : 31 . What ? ! Negative splits ? Take shirt off water , breath , ugh . I wanted to do a third but had to stop , I really don 't want to be sidelined because of my shins . Poured remainder of water over my head , I hated carrying that water bottle full the 1 . 2miles to my workout location . Went home , did some hanging knee raises ( 60 ) . Question for everyone , running with out shirt - sports bra and shorts acceptable in neighbor running ? Or trails ? Making a return , a return with many meanings . First a return to blogging , I have been distant for a while . A return to great runs . A return to a near goal weight ! I have been following some blogs on my google reader , jumping on runnersworld here and there . For almost a month I could not run . My weight has been fluctuating beyond belief . It has been almost a month exactly since I went to Virginia which resulted in some horrible pains in my left leg . I still have not been to a sports medicine doctor about it or any other issues , BUT I do have a number for one ! The pain went from my left heel to my knee to my hip . I couldn 't move or lay in beg with out sharp pain or constant annoyance . My bootcamp class I was actually not the fastest one and end up limping by the end . SO I have had to cool it down , just recently got back in to shape with running and my bootcamp style workouts . Running has been difficult lately , the shins say hello some times ughh . Pretty sure I just need new shoes . Just getting back into the groove of it , I don 't have any races lined up at all . With it being summer and all . I may think about a night race . September I will begin marathon training for the Charleston , SC River Front marathon in January . This will be my second . I have recently been following up on the Loop kinda stalking around . Random comments . My weight ; I have been losing more . I am excited . although conflicted . I am pretty sure the gym balance is way off it always says the same weight ( 115lb ) . I tried a balance at my co - workers house and the week I was house sitting I going from 13 . 5 to 14 . 0 lbs so this is making me feel great . In August of 2009 I was at my highest 135lbs , may not seem like much but when you are only 4 ' 11 " it is a lot . My top running weight has always been from 100 - 109 so I am getting closer . I am happy . Def with my cross training I have been doing , total body workouts with minimal weights . It helps my running too . This is why this spring I was running so well in my races . I plan to keep it all up . Hopefully I don 't random eat crap and gain it all back . Okay , so now I am thinking pretty hard about doing the Savannah Rock and Roll ½ marathon . This would be my first Pikermi . The bf 's boss had mentioned it this past weekend he is running the full but I don 't know that I want to do the full then less than two months later run another one . I have been running ! Yes , folks that is right ! More often than not during the week I have been running ! I have a pretty cool / gross blog ( well I think it is ) But can 't get runners world to like my photos off my mac . Anywhoo . I have been running a minimum of4 times a week , plus yoga , plus bootcamp , plus more cross training . I love it . So I have a 5k coming up in two weeks , my dad will be in town for it . I will be slow I feel , I am hoping for a 25min finish . We will see . My goal by the end the year is to get my 5k finish time down , way down . I would like to one day run 20 min ( or less ) 5k 's again , like in college . I would like to also look for a half marathon . I will be in Southern California in Oct ( any out there ? ? ) or any race for that matter . I tried a bootcamp class that my previous personal training was teaching and MAN , I loved it . It was not quite as hard as an actual session with him , but I am def attending the next one ! Here 's a tid bit ; When I went to yoga class on Monday there were some women there talking about a friend they both know . Woman 1 " Yeah , she like runs every day . Crazy dedicated " Woman 2 " really ? I run but only when I feel like it and in side on a treadmill for like 2 - 3 miles " Woman 1 " It was raining the other day and she just got a new garmin ? It like tells you how fast your going and how far . Well like I said it was raining so I thought we would go take the step class , but she wanted to run outside IN THE RAIN to test out her new watch . She is crazy . " Woman 2 " wow yeah I would only run outside in the spring " Woman 1 " yeah she runs rain or shine out side " So how many people here are that woman ( or person ) that these two women were talking about ? ! Ha - ha . Now I used to be that woman they are talking about and darn 't I ' MA BE HER AGAIN ! My friends now think I am crazy for my running but I am not dedicated . I want to run fast ( er ) , hence I need to suck it up and train FAST ( er ) . Anywhoo . . I am gearin up for the GoFigure class again tonight ( ballet + yoga + pilates ) with a co - worker . PUMP ' D ! ! ! Oh yeah and run some miles My Friend whom I have began to help in her get fit / lose weight journey decided yesterday to fall down a set of stairs . Now if she just didn 't want to workout Monday she could of said something ! Not just decide to get out of it by falling down her stairs . Ha - j / k . Accidents happen . I cautioned her that I will not , and cannot train her when she is injured . I cannot be responsible for any additional problems she may have . She hurt her back and strained her neck . I advised her to lay low for a bit and just do cardio that is comfortable . So since I could not workout with her at the AFB gym I went to my gym that I have to pay for . I decide that after my workout I 'll be able to do yoga at 7 : 15 , yay . So I get to the gym about 5 : 50p . m . This was after I went home and cleaned a whole bunch of fresh caught shrimp for dinner later . As so as I get to my gym I knew something was up , I see balloons . This was no good , I walk in and it felt like a flipping sauna and smelled of fried food . Ugh . Member appreciation day ! They had FRIED chicken and other nasty food . I almost threw up . I put my stuff away and head to a Treadmill . To do 1 . 5 miles ( need total of 3 miles for the day ) . I am going good at an easy pace then in my last few laps a guy comes up to the treadmill next to me . Now , mind you , the gym is FREAKIN PACKED like cow slaughter house . Okay fine , ppl have to workout too . So , there is this sweeping smell of B . O . It is wafting of the man next to me who had a 70s head band on . Sick . I just want to hold my breath ! ! Finally I am done with that run and I run away from him . Did a crazy bunch of core work ; bicycles , Russian twists , I ' mnotgunna list everything . Lets just say 45 mins of cardio core work was sweat - tastical ! Then I ran , 1 . 5miles it was great . Then Yoga . Awh , yes , Yoga . How nice and relaxing you are supposed to be . I get in set my mat in the same corner which is the front of the room , many new people think it is the back . Then people just keep pouring in to the class . Okay fine a little tight . Everyone was very chatty the whole time ( before class ) . I stretched and got ready . The teacher closed the door , but before she could she placed a note on the door . YOGA PRACTICE IN PROGRESS , DO NOT DISTURB ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! So we begin . Simple stuff since there were so many new people . Then went into the great stuff . Then people randomly get up leave … then come back in . ugh ! Then in the middle of the practice a cleaner guy comes in the dark room and does the trash … WTF ? ! Fine Clear the mind … Relaxation poses … A cell phone goes off … this stinks . Class is over but I am still happy with all of my workouts for the day . I feel bad for the yoga teacher . This whole training for my up coming 5k is going well . . Hope everyone is staying warm ! ! ! It 's going to be in the low 70s here tomorrow ! ! Cheers ! Last night at the AFB gym was well a quick success . My friend did not have much time to workout but still wanted to get it in . I decided to do a great leg workout , plus it was leg day . Good thing I know how to kill legs fast . We get to the base and it was not packed , yay . So we hop on treadmills next to each other . This one looked promising ! I had her set to 5 . 5 incline with walking . I stretched quick then pushed out a warm up mile , we had 10 min cardio warm - up . Guess what ! This treadmill didn 't shock me ! ! ! Success ! So leg workout was fun , actually saw a trainer there that used to work at the gym I go to ( sometimes ) . So with a stair stepper ( sp ) , step ups , jump up , side to side ( 20 each ) . I brought my handy dandy sliders ( furniture movers ) ; mountain climber , jack knives , Y 's . Then I did my hand walk forward and back ward while she finished her Y 's . Then some walking lunges with a bar . Then last but not least squats w / body ball on the wall and hold the last one . I could see the sweat pouring off of my friend , it was glorious . Finished off with 10 min cardio of choice . I ran . It sucked . My left side ab region was in distress . More Potassium ? ! Nan - ers I am just pumped and full of energy today ! Good thing since as soo as I got to work I was given a pile of data to sort . FUN . Tonight we 'll hit the gym again probably just some cardio and that 's it . Tomorrow I am thinking of going to a class that I have a free pass for , Go Figure . Anyone heard of this place ? It incorporates ballet , yoga , and pilates . Sounds fun Free 55min session . Plus try to get in some good miles on Saturday it is supposed to be in the 60s ! ! ! The weather yesterday was just nasty rainy all day , made for a very exhausting day . Or so that 's what it felt like while I was at work all day . I had two cups of coffee throughout the day to get me through , bad . I think that my increase in coffee seems to affect me some how I have having chest pains when I was working out and slightly at work . Tuesday was the second day of working out with my friend . She found out she has bronchitis but was feeling better , sore from the workout the day before . So we went , and thank goodness the AFB gym was not as packed as Monday night . We started with 15 min cardio warm up , we found a TM and an elliptical next to each other yay ! I started on 5 . 5incline 3 . 5 warmed up than ran a mile then walked until 15 mins . The STOOPID TM AGAIN shocked me the ENTIRE TIME ! ! ! Every few seconds my hand may touch part of the machine and ZAP ! Electric shock ! I wear the same clothes and shoes I would wear at my regular gym ! I don 't know about these AFB TM 's they hate me … . Or maybe know I am a civilian … grrr . Then we did arms - ish … lol I hate that everything at this gym is in different locations . So pushup ( legs on body ball ) Me20 , friend10 . in push up position hold ( legs on body ball ) Me0 , friend 5x with 5 sec hold , jack knife on body ball ME20 , friend 10 one legged jackknife me 10 each leg , friend 0 ( she was still doing the first set ) . Bosu ball plank position on and off the sides Me 40 friend 15 , bosuball hell raisers 15 each way ( just me ) . Sitting on bodyball flys with weights ; two arms ME20 , friend 10 ; one arm at a time Me 10 each , friend 5 each . Sitting on bodyball arm curls with weights ME 20 , friend 10 . Tricep Ext ME20 , friend 10 . Cool Down cardio 15 mins , friend elliptical , me stairmaster ! ! ! Stretch … Man today I feel great ! ! If only I could of gotten up early to go for my run , because now I am going to try to squeeze it in before Girls Night . My shins are not too bad today , I took meds ( ekk ) just to see if it would help the pain issues . I hate relying on that stuff . Sorry this was kind of boring , but I feel that I have so much ENERGY , maybe from all of the Electroshock therapy I got from yesterday 's treadmill .
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I have always been really tolerant of people and their opinions . If they strongly believe in their religion , power to them . If one of my guy friends loves guys , power to him for being happy with who he is - self - acceptance FTW . But what I don 't have a tolerance for is people that come onto my Facebook wall when I 've posted something and state their opinion so rudely . Congrats to the fact that they have an opinion , but did they ever listen to their mother ? If you don 't have something nice to say , don 't say it at all . When NaNoWriMo is over , I get really sad . I get so used to writing endlessly on my laptop , that when December rolls around , I have no idea what to do with myself when I sit at my laptop . It just feels so weird to think that this happens . So , now , here I am sitting with a few other members from my write - in , back at our coffee shop . We 're mostly writing , or working on other projects . But we 're getting together for the community of writers and the comradery of hanging out with fellow writers . I 'm really glad this is continuing . It 's a fantastic way to break up the week and just spend time relaxing somewhere in an environment that isn 't my home . I 've met a lot of great people this year at the local write - ins . Yeah , there have been quite a few that are utterly scary beyond all belief - but really , aren 't all writers ? However , there are some that truly take the cake . I 'm sure all writers are in their own way , socially awkward . Yet somehow , we get along with each other fantastically . It 's always tough to find people in the " real world " that you can converse with about anything and everything , and it still all relates to writing . We all come from different walks of life , but we all hold the same passion for writing and creativity that we just click . In previous years , I could never make it to a write - in . There were plenty of them out there , but I never had a means of traveling to them . This year I can finally drive to write - ins and hang out with fellow writers . There are definitely a lot of great people I 've met so far . That 's the best part about NaNoWriMo . The community of it all . There 's nothing more thrilling than writing during a word sprint and succeeding in getting the highest word count of the group . Well , not always . I have a terrible habit of backspacing and fixing the typos . Any writer does . So I 've been adjusting to that while writing during sprints for 10 minutes . And wow , I can type really fast when need be . But actually , I tend to type much faster when writing dialogue . Suddenly my story is full of ridiculous amounts of dialogue that has nothing to do with the plot . Thank you , brain . And I 'm getting a lot written in a write - in . Like , easily 3k in four ten - minute word sprints . It is truly awesome . What 's even better , is that I don 't realize how many words I 've written until the night is over . As some of you know , I write a lot of flash fiction . In fact , I pretty much love the idea . But currently Flash Party isn 't open for submissions - and hasn 't been since the summer . So I 've been mulling over the idea of starting a flash fiction site . I like the idea of writing flash fiction and having somewhere to submit it to . I suppose the only problem would be I can 't submit to my own site . That would be unfair . But I would call it " Flash " and have the Queen song " Flash " playing in the background . Or at least in a small portion of the site . Tis just a dream though . I grew up attending church . In fact , it was common for me to attend every Wednesday and Sunday with my mom . Not to mention participate in various activities put on by different groups within the church body . But as I got older , it became less and less a " thing " for me . It 's not that I was sprinting away from the idea of a higher power . In fact , that is something I do still believe ; along with the other morals I grew up with . However it 's that I 've been continuously losing faith in just depending on a giant spaghetti monster on the dark side of the moon that would answer my prayers . I 'm not just going to sit around and wait for things to happen for me ; instead , I 'm much more of a do - er . I 'd rather put my own effort behind what I want done than just have faith it will happen because of karma or blah blah blah . However , the one thing I haven 't lost , is hope . The idea that tomorrow will be a better day , or that things won 't always be this hard financially . It 's that silver lining or the light at the end of the tunnel - - and no , that 's not a train . But it 's seeing the glass as half - full instead of half - empty . It 's all about staying optimistic and hopeful that another day will come and it will be brighter than the last . Perhaps it 's that the deadlines are approaching for all the applications . Basically everything is due November 1st . And I 'm just frantically checking the Emerson application portal to make sure all that needs to be submitted is there . I 'm ridiculous . Normally every season I find another show to add to the list I follow . Of course , I have my staples : Castle , Grey 's Anatomy , Private Practice , Parenthood , Rizzoli & Isles , and Glee ( yes , I know , I do follow that show , but I have my reasons ) . But of course , there 's all the new shows that crop up and turn out to be really fantastic . This year I have fallen in love with : Raising Hope , Necessary Roughness , and my most recent addition , New Girl . But the star rookie of the new shows is definitely New Girl . With Zooey Deschanel as a recent single , she 's a new roommate to three guy friends who are just trying to find " the one " , get a job , and get over an ex . While coping with her own break - up , she 's helping them with their problems , mostly by accident and also gaining friends that are helping her . She 's quirky , geeky , and just loves being herself , Jess , is definitely one of those characters I relate to automatically . Maybe it 's the fact that she 's comfortable being herself , but will try and fit into a different shape when her friends want her to . However even after a while she needs to break free and dance to the beat of her own drum / kazoo / instrument of your choice . So this show is certainly a keeper for me . A while back I had done some cleaning out of my room . Mostly getting old books off the shelves and storing them in boxes . I planned on having a garage sale for them to try and get some spare cash in hopes of getting us either a real couch or replacing our slowly deteriorating television . Well , a few weeks had gone by , and I asked my mom if she got the books back . Anything that they weren 't going to send to China , was supposed to be returned to me . Because those were my property . It was my choice what I wanted to do with them . Low and behold , I inquire about it today , and find out the person collecting the books took all my extras and turned them into Half - Price Books . So essentially , I just lost out on extra cash on items that should have been returned to me because they were my property . Those books were in my collection for 21 years and many were even older than me . A simple apology won 't do in my mind . Cause honestly , we had said the extra books needed to be returned to us . And it was agreed upon that I would get them back . So since they 're long gone , I at least deserve the money from them . However I can 't say anything bad about Steve Jobs . He was a true innovator , inventor , dreamer and creator . Many of the items we rely so heavily on today were innovations from him . Continually pushing technology , he really knew what people wanted . A true visionary , I 'm sad to see him go , but happy to know that he passed peacefully with family nearby . I 'm sure he 's already working on how to make improvements to heaven . Can anyone say iPeter ? I 've never been comfortable around people that enjoy drinking . There 's a wide variety of ways people express their drunkenness . Most people I know laugh a lot , or get really loud . And honestly , I don 't care if friends of mine drink while we 're hanging out , or over dinner . It 's common in most countries to drink with dinner . That doesn 't bother me . I suppose what bothers me is the extreme spectrum moods can be . Then how everyone else must deal with said person . Certainly , when I 've been in such situations , I vacate asap . I mean , if you 're uncomfortable , the automatic response is to take flight . It 's a lot of little ideas under one heading , which means it totally counts as at least three . Plus , I 'm a little preoccupied - leaving the country tomorrow , and all . But I wanted one last post before I left American soil , to really tie the blog together . I played foosball before . I won 't be able to do that again until January , and that 's killing me . I 'm sitting on my friend 's dorm floor , surrounded by my luggage and distracted by my friends . I 'm still thinking about starting a travel blog , but I still feel like people might think I 'm a jerk for doing so . Or maybe someone will actually care . Or maybe I 'll just post everything on Tumblr and try to remember to make more funny pictures to share . I finally set up my Internet here on campus , but that 's pointless , seeing as I 'm going to the Netherlands . And the castle got struck by lightening recently . So Internet might not exist there , just as I feared . No Skype , no Twitter , no Facebook . And my phone won 't work and I can 't text a lot on my crappy European phone . Pretty much , I 'll be so out of touch , it 's insane . It 's official ! Katie and I are working on a writing vlog with three wonderful writers ! We call ourselves Words Without Thought . Please give us a view ! It was another morning where I had to get ready for school . I 'd been in the 6th grade for about a week . Like most mornings , I got up and wandered into my mom 's room . We listened to the radio together , which was part of our normal routine . She got up to let the dog out , while I continued to hear the news . But it was a particular piece of breaking news that caught my attention . A plane crash in New York City ? How did that happen ? I got up and turned on the television , which was showing the North tower smoking from near the top . This entire past week has been quite a hassle . On Tuesday night , I went over to my Aunt 's house to get some large manila envelopes from her - and then have my cousin take said envelopes to school with him to pass on to the school 's counselor . At some point , I must have run over a nail , because by the time I drove home , my tire was completely flat . Not that I knew to check or noticed anything different - a shame on my part . But for the rest of this week I 've had my mom dropping me off at work . Meanwhile she 's been trying to deal with getting me a new tire . First big issue was that the tire couldn 't be fixed . I managed to get the nail into the shoulder of the tire , which is basically irreparable . ( Lesson learned - if you see a nail on the road , avoid it or make sure it pops your tire in the middle . ) So after having taken the tire off and putting on the spare , I now had to purchase a new tire with the exact make and size mine was . Since my tires were brand new when we purchased the car , we weren 't worried about buying a pair . They 're all in really great shape otherwise . I 've been saying for the past few years that I 'd go to college . Or that I 'd get back to school and start at least working towards a degree . But every year , nothing would happen . And I do regret not getting involved in the whole application process for college in high school . Then again , it makes sense why I didn 't . College was never a high priority to my mom . She , to this day , thinks that a person should be able to learn a trade via an apprenticeship like she did . I 've tried time and again to explain that things don 't work like they did for her . Note : The first [ and second ] topics can be depressing . Feel free to skip to the second topic or straight to the bottom for adorable pandas . I 've had quite a few friends and coworkers discover they 're pregnant this year . It 's a strange concept for me to grasp , I suppose . I know , I know ; time is relative . But it feels like it 's been quietly helping me along recently , giving me a few extra minutes where I need them and speeding along the process when I can 't stand the boredom anymore . Work ( knock on wood ) seems to fly nowadays , whereas I would have died of exhaustion , frustration , and sleep deprivation at the beginning of the summer . Maybe it 's because I 'm down to the one , slightly less demanding job . Maybe it 's because I 'm more confident now at the pool . Maybe it 's because I read a lot . Whatever the reason , thanks for the boost , time . Time can slow down , too , and I 'm equally as thankful for that . The minutes can take their sweet time passing into the wee hours and into a new day . I don 't mind the quiet of the night , the cool breeze . I don 't mind sitting down in the middle of the day to commit ideas to paper , realizing writing two and half pages took hardly any time at all . I like looking my goals in the face and saying , " That looks easy . " Sure , there were branches to clean up around the house and a den to reassemble , but we didn 't flood , which is quite a miracle , and we didn 't have any trees in our house , which was beautiful . Also , our cats don 't hate us all that much for stuffing them in the traveling cage and hauling ass to Granny 's in the city . Which can only be an act of God . It certainly has been a few days since either myself or Katie posted some memoirs . With her being evacuated and me being in Seattle , we 've definitely not had a lot of time on our hands . But fear not ! While hanging in the press room waiting for it to close , I jotted some things down from Saturday . Hopefully I can read them and organise them into a post for you to enjoy ! For the weekend , I took the bus into Seattle in the morning and back home each night . It 's fairly simple , as long as you know which stop you need to listen for . Thankfully I wasn 't the only one on the bus that needed that stop - and this time I could actually hear the driver call out the stops too . But for once , I was met with a strange happening . You see , I was waiting at the bus stop , about 20 minutes early because I wanted to be sure I was there on time . And this woman comes across the street and checks the schedule before inquiring about how much the bus fare is . I say $ 2 . 50 , which was the amount I paid last summer . So I was pretty certain it hadn 't changed . She shuffled through her wallet , trying to see if she had $ 2 . 50 . When it didn 't seem she did , she inquired about if I had change for a five . Unfortunately I only had enough for my fare for the morning and evening . But then an idea struck both of us . I give her my 2 . 50 and she uses her five for both of us . There , problem solved . Well , since we were now fare buddies , we got to talking about the reason she was wanting to take the bus and what brought her to town . She explained that her company 's headquarters were located here , and she was flying back to Brussels , Belgium in the afternoon . Her jaunt into Seattle was for a few hours to see the city . She 'd been unable to since she was mostly working indoors or sleeping from her jetlag . We finally got to talking about places she could go in a few hours ; which brought up Pike Place Market - the Space Needle was too far , and the bus couldn 't get her there . It 's a great tourist location right near the water . It 's an indoor farmers ' market where the legendary Gum Wall , Market Street Theatre , the original Starbucks , and the Seattle Ghost tours are located . Definitely a great place to send her . Not to mention the Pike Place fish throwers . Yes . Fish throwing . You order fish , they throw it and get it wrapped up for you . Quite the sight to see . We get on the bus - after a bit of trouble with the fare machine - and take our seats . Several other stops are made along the way , and it 's not too long before we 've hit our last stop and are taking the express the rest of the way into downtown . A family of three just got on the bus , and with it being busy , there 's limited seating for three . With the dad carrying his daughter , he takes a seat next to a guy . His wife lugging the stroller goes to take a seat across from him after he gestures for her to sit there , that way they 're close . The man by the window realises this and politely gets up and switches seats with the wife so that the family is all sitting together - daughter in their lap . " Brussels " - as I 've dubbed her since we didn 't exchange names - smiled and whispered " That was sweet of him to do . " And it 's true . It was a very nice , polite gesture that sometimes you just don 't see in this day and age . She and I talked for a time - as the main bridge was closed so we had to use an alternate route . But it wasn 't long after the silence that we were both dozing from the gentle rocking of the bus . I kept my ears peeled for our stop , and got out with her . Together , we walked to the street she would need to get her straight to Pike Place . She thanked me , which it truly was no problem , and we bid farewell . I wished her a safe flight to Brussels and she wished me good luck and that she hoped I could get into publishing . I had a HTC Aria , which was on the smaller side of all touch screen phones . But see , that was perfect for me . I 'm a person of short stature , so I also have small hands . The Aria was just the right fight for texting and holding my phone in one hand and doing virtually everything that way . My new phone is ginormous . It 's a Samsung Galaxy S , which is HUGE . Texting is certainly uncomfortable and the keyboard is set up a bit differently . So there 's lots to get used to now . But walking down by the slough is always a nice refresher . Yeah , it 's just a giant stream that floods a lot during the winter and gets super low during the summer . It 's where I 've taken a lot of my nature pictures on Facebook . Especially of the baby geese and ducks . Read more » Yep . Saw it again tonight . Third time 's the charm , right ? And I 've been lucky enough to see it with completely different people each time . First was opening night , in a packed theater ; second , with my dad ; tonight , with three friends . It 's just a different atmosphere each time , moving from excitement and the unknown , to a mix of knowing and resignation , to just sitting back , mouthing the lines along with the characters , and looking for whatever things you 've read about online that were supposedly hidden in scenes . If you 're a fan of the book , you knew what was going to happen going into the movie , of course . But it 's always a shock to see what makes the cut and what gets ignored , what they leave in and what gets mere seconds of screen time . I was obsessed with the fantasy genre for the majority of my childhood . Aside from the usual dalliances into young adult drama and Are You There , God ? It 's Me , Margaret to get all the " answers " to my burning questions , I devoted myself entirely to talking animals and people with wings and creatures that spoke made - up languages . Ironically , I 've never been able to finish a book in the Lord of the Rings trilogy - I only read The Hobbit in sixth grade , for fun . I remember doing some kind of kickass book jacket for it . I drew a dragon . Thankfully , I 'm not as bad as my mom , but mosquitoes are one of those creatures that everyone hates . They really seem to have no purpose except be annoying on a vacation or camping trip , and to perhaps stupidly fly into a spider 's web . Ah , the circle of life . Have you ever fallen , instantly , in love ? With music ? You only know a song or two , but you 're stared in the face with a half - remember melody and the CD cover , and you say , " What the hell ? " and but the whole damn album , anyway . Sometimes , you only recognize a title , a single line , but that 's all it takes . It isn 't forced ; you just know . You want to listen to the song you only vaguely remember , but you start from the beginning , to be fair - no waiting , no whining , without a fight . Wo cares about the money ? It 's natural . It 's bad enough that you can lose the most important parts of your life in your prime . But what happened to all those childhood memories , the ones that are fuzzy and stilted , saved only in photographs and home movies ? What about the things you only hear family members talk about ? How is it that you lived through those moments , too , but they really made no true impact on you ? Some things stand out , but the specifics are largely gone . Michelle Branch was and still is one of my favorite female vocal artists . She 's always done things her own way and never followed the crazy crowd of those Pop Singers . Quite the role model to look up to - I can 't sing , but following the beat of her own drum is what I look up to . I 've been following her on Twitter . Yes , it 's a two topic day , but probably because the first topic is going to be long . But don 't worry . Endure and you 'll be rewarded with a hilarious video . So I rambled on about the movie yesterday , mostly about how great it was - which it is , so go see it . Like , right NOW . I would have talked about this yesterday , but then that post would have gone on forever . What better way then to break it up now that I 've had more time to think about this movie ? [ Some Spoilers after the cut ] But it was fascinating how despite the risks of speaking about being a maid in the 1960s of America , that they were willing to do so after witnessing so many terrible things done to them . There were some families that were accepting and happy to do the right thing to help their maids , and to make sure they weren 't treated poorly . It was funny , witty , and endearing . You cared about the maids , Skeeter , and Celia because they all changed things by speaking their minds ; being honest with the world that didn 't want to change . It 's tough to find some really fantastic Mac n ' Cheese . The boxed kind isn 't the same and definitely after said box has sat for a time , is a terrible experience . So I 've been searching for some delicious Mac n ' Cheese . And this certainly hasn 't been an easy search . So far , my top pick has been Costco . It 's super delicious , and all I do is put it in the oven . FAN - FUCKING - TASTIC . One night , I ate one - third of the pan - and that 's actually pretty dangerous considering all the butter and cheese in the dish . But then again . . . I was in pain - shoulder issue - and on some pain killers . So I was nomming for anything at that point . A third of a pan though . That 's a lot of macaroni and cheese . Since I enjoy cooking , I tried my hand at a few recipes , but none turned out well . I was low on milk and cheese , so other items had to be mixed in to get the right consistency . Definitely a big mistake . So next time I need to make sure I have all the ingredients . However , I think I 've found the right kind for me . As a replacement to Costco until they start making it again - lately they 've only been making other pasta dishes with lots of shrimp ( gross ! ) - I 've turned to Panera . Holy Hell , that stuff is delicious . It 's way too easy to eat my fill of that . Way too easy . If I bought more then just a large bowl , I think I would die from consuming too much . I actually don 't remember how I got started in to roleplaying . As far as roleplaying online , I 've been doing that since I was about . . . 10 - 12 , on Neopets . The guild I was / am in is a roleplaying guild for Spirited Away . And part of what we 'd do besides basic contests , was roleplay on the message board . But certainly , like every kid , I also played make - believe games in real life , running around pretending and using our imaginations . I did that for years - though high school too , because of all the baby sitting I did . It was a way for me to use my imagination and be in a far off land like Harry Potter , Teen Titans , The X - Men , and various other universes from my childhood ( Boxcar Children being the major one in my primary school days ) . A friend and I had been trying to decide what to roleplay over instant messenger . For several years we 've been using the same family / universe of characters , and slowly expanding on them . We have three generations of this family , and were running out of possible plot ideas . A thought had struck me the other day , about what would have happened to our characters had we not chosen the storylines we did . For example , my character Casey almost loses his wife when she 's giving birth . We originally planned it that his wife would survive . But thinking back , I wonder where he and his daughter would be if his wife didn 't survive . Sure , he 's my character , and I can write him a happy ending if I want ; but that doesn 't provide any amount of growth or depth . It just ties up loose ends . I 'd rather like to see the struggles he goes through as a widowed father ; how he copes with this sudden loss and sole responsibility ; what he does when his daughter starts inquiring about her deceased mother . And what he does when he starts wading into the mess of dating when having a child . Perhaps it 's the summer air and Washington finally getting a few days of decent weather . Or maybe it 's my mind procrastinating . Then there 's the fact that I 've been searching for new music and haven 't quite found something that makes me want to write . There have been things I 've thought about writing ; here and on my writing blog . But I think my motivation is currently gone . I 've lost that focus and drive that I had a few months ago . Now my posts here - and on Cellar Door - are few and far between . While the rest of the country is roasting in three - digit heat , Washington has been chilling between 55 and 75 degrees . I 'm not complaining by any means . Cause to me , that 's actually a pretty nice summer . Hearing about what the rest of the nation is going through , is pretty ridiculous . But today was finally the first day where the temperature was above 80 in some places . Surprise , surprise ! Honestly , with the way the weather had been looking , I figured we wouldn 't hit 80 or higher until at least the end of August . It 's been interesting finding foods that our two exchange students like . Sometimes they 'll like one food , and then a day later , not prefer it . Lunches have been interesting , and so have breakfast . But dinner they 've been pretty okay with . We 've been doing a mix of various foods with rice , classic " American " foods . So tonight we had Chicken Noodle Soup and Grilled Cheese . My mom had said she thought they wouldn 't like the Grilled Cheese since they didn 't like cheese for their tacos or some other things with cheese in them . But we made an extra grilled cheese just in case and cut all the sandwiches into triangles . After trying one sandwich each , they ended up eating a good portion of them . Our exchange students arrived Thursday night . They 're pretty adorable . Hopefully I 'll get some pictures of all of us soon , and then I can show all the readers . Anyway , it 's been interesting having them with us . Wendy and Rose are pretty quiet , and spend time hanging with us or in their room when not at school . We 've mostly been watching Pixar movies , or anything in our collection that they recognise and want to watch . Last night we were at a barbeque / potluck with them and their classmates . Some of the girls jumped when a chicken randomly wandered onto the deck . It was happy to be fed , and just chilled on the deck by the table watching everyone . The kids had fun exploring the house / property we did the potluck at . We didn 't get a chance to roast marshmallows , but perhaps another night . So this is actually super random , and I don 't think my cousin reads my blog , but he 's turning 15 today . If you live in Western Washington , watch out . There 's going to be a new driver on the road . It 's so easy to get sucked into a marathon . Whether it 's Star Wars , Indiana Jones ( minus the fourth movie ) , Mythbusters , or any number of television shows I enjoy watching , sometimes it 's hard to change the channel . More often than not , I find myself at least one day a weekend chilling on the couch watching movies or a TV show for hours on end . Sometimes it 's Star Wars ( only the original Trilogy and Phantom Menace for me ) , Back to the Future , or some witty show on USA Channel . But its so easy to get enthralled with all the characters . My signature varies a lot . Some days it depends on if I 'm feeling up for signing all the letters in my name . And for those of you that haven 't checked my Twitter or know me on Facebook , I 'll just say that my full name - first , middle , last - is 21 letters long . It 's not fun to sign at all ; nor is it easy . So I practice two signatures . Besides the one I use to sign checks , paperwork at the warehouse , or whatever I might need to sign , I also work on a second signature . And it 's fun to sign a name that isn 't yours . No , I don 't mean forging a signature , that 's terrible and wrong . But by signing what I will when I 'm famous . I 've always been a fan of fireworks . But I think that 's mostly because I love the smell of sulfur . Yeah , it 's not the best smell for you , but it always reminds me of Independence Day or New Years . Not to mention , I used to help at a fireworks stand . It was a good way for our Youth Group to earn money . And it gave you some experience in customer service long before you could get a job . We got to test the fireworks that were brand new , that way we could explain what they looked like to customers - besides the basic description written on the side of the package . He stopped by us and inquired if we had any idea where he could get gas vouchers . After talking and hearing that he lost his wallet , was here with his girlfriend , and was basically out of gas , we tried to figure out where he could get gas vouchers . It 's a concept neither of us had ever heard of . He had a long drive back to Arlington - which is way up north . Read more » I used to love The Magic School bus as a kid . And honestly , who wouldn 't ? It was a kids show that taught you a lot about the world you lived in - unless of course that was under a rock . Who wouldn 't want Ms . Frizzle as their teacher ? Glasses are super handy . Especially for those like me who have a hard time seeing . But this started way back in junior high when I didn 't have to wear them full time . Sophomore year , and I was confined to glasses . Some of my friends only remember the terrible things about high school . The bad relationships , tough teachers , brutal classes and just the emotional turmoil they went through . And while that seems like the typical teen angst - and to some , might be - it occurred to me that I don 't have very many - if any - bad memories about high school . So reminiscing about friends , events and just fun , happy memories always make me smile . Especially when I 'm still in contact with those people , and that 's something we can all look back on . There were plenty of moments where I couldn 't have been happier being among close friends and just having a blast . In about two weeks , we 're getting two exchange students from China . They 're 10 and 11 - with the younger turning 11 the day after she leaves . Yeah , that 's right . 10 and 11 . From China , and they 'll be here in the states , away from family . Either way , I 'm excited to meet them both . We 'll have Wendy and Rose - the English names they chose - for about two weeks . We 've had an exchange student before . She was cool and it helped that we were / are close in age . So certainly , I 'll have more interesting things to talk about , having them here . I know I 've been slacking . And some of that is due to the lack of things I 've taken notice of . And probably laziness . But I haven 't really had anything significant happen lately that I 've wanted to write about . Washington , Seattle more specifically , is known for it 's rain . Cause we do get a lot , but not record amounts . Sure , it does rain for about nine months of the year , but I 've grown up here , so it 's something I 'm used to . This year though , is certainly interesting . Normally in June , the weather starts to lighten up , look less dreary and stay more consistent in being in the 70s . The rest of the country is well into their summer weather , perhaps Washington missed the memo ? Often times , after I 've seen the movie , the soundtrack is an instant buy for me . Music is vital to me in liking a movie . It sets a tone for a scene and really adds to everything in a theater . Plus , often times it helps to be great writing playlists too . I gave you a try about a year ago and , yeah , you worked for me . And it was awesome . I feel like I really learned something in those three months ; I really got the drive to eat better , to exercise , to see what I could do about my weight and living the way I wanted to . I will , in turns , be eternally grateful to / forever hate the ARC . It 's thanks to them I 've had something to do during my summer vacations since I was about nine or ten . They 're the reason I 'm currently employed ( and have been for the last five summers ) . It 's because of the Red Cross that , when I remember I am a certified lifeguard and trained in the ways of CPR , AED , First Aid , and swim instructing , I feel like a total BAMF . But ten - year - old me wasn 't thinking that far ahead . Ten - year - old me liked the pool and all , but getting up early for classes was not conducive to my childhood . If not for swim lessons , I probably wouldn 't have really had any friends as a kid - none that I saw outside of school , anyway . But , come on . . . ten AM is early for a kid , when you factor in the carpools , the tennis lessons in the morning heat , the changing for swimming , the spending the day usually at a friend 's house because both of my parents worked . And being an instructor 's aid when I was 14 royally sucked . Without the Red Cross , I wouldn 't get to see my kids every year , the closest I 'll probably ever come to actually being a teacher . I plan on having my own kids , someday , and it 's nice to have the time to practice - to play , to bond , to instruct . To discipline , unfortunately . I want to be the cool mom , the one everyone loves and trusts , because I 'll probably be the only one who thought it was important to keep up with my CPR certification . It 's crazy to think that the Harry Potter phenomenon is finally coming to an end . Or at least , movie wise , it 's coming to an end . The books have long since been over , but they still have many hearts and minds of readers captured and immersed in the world of witchcraft and wizardry . I came in late to the entire bandwagon . By the time I started reading the books , the first two movies were already out . Once I had caught up , I blew through the series in no time , and quickly joined in with millions of others who were obsessed with the series . Midnight book releases , movie showings , everything I could attend that was HP related , I was there for . For those that like wine , there 's a town not far from here that has plenty of wineries and breweries to sample the Northwest flavors . Plenty of pups , bars , taverns , etc . for the drinking types . Several playing fields , parks , and venues of the outdoorsy type . There 's an outdoor mall , two bookstores , lots of eateries , your typical fast food , and several grocery stores . And , it 's not that far off from being able to " get away " into the farms and get some space . But I think what really makes this place feel special . . . Is Theno 's Dairy . It used to actually sell milk that they bottled on site , along with cream and butter . My mom actually still has several bottles and a carrier in our garage . But now , they sell handmade ice cream and fudge . There 's nothing better than snagging a cone after a long , hot day at work . Besides coffee , vanilla , and rainbow sherbert , they 've got plenty of flavors to offer that you can only find at their dairy . July 1st will be the first day that their summer special , Cantaloupe ice cream arrives . Right now they have strawberry rhubarb . During the holidays , they have pumpkin pie and peppermint . They 've done a fantastic job at withstanding a tough economy everywhere and serving people a delicious treat that isn 't fast food or soft serve . This collection started during my first WriMo in 2008 when I found out Seattle was known as the hydrophobic ducks . As our mascot dubbed by NaNoWriMo creator , Chris Baty , the locals took up the idea and have hence forth , been able to recognize each other via the duck placed on a table at write - ins . Each writer has their own or borrow from someone like myself , to be their totem . There 's really one duck I keep with me when I do write at Tully 's . He 's a black , ninja devil duck . Certainly my favorite - though I don 't remember where I acquired him , but I think he was a gift - and he 's been with me for the past three years . Like lucky socks for an athlete , he 's my lucky charm for when I need to get some progress done . And perhaps that explains why I haven 't been able to complete anything . As of late , I haven 't had him sitting next to me on my desk , or where I lounge on the couch upstairs . A part of it is because I don 't want my dog to kidnap him and shred him , and the other is that I 'm lazy . For the past few months , he 's been hanging on the shelf above my bed , opposite my pirate duck . Cause really , what 's a ninja without a pirate ? It 's time to get into the zone and get some writing done with my sidekick duck . Some of it has to do with the fact that I get the feeling that if I start working on anything , I 'll hate how it is and it 'll join all the other files currently in my " In the Works " folder . Sure , revising and editing are for making things better . But if I 'm not in " the mood " or " in the zone " then I shouldn 't write anything . Most of the time , I really end up disliking it . I have to be completely consumed by an idea and have it pretty well planned out on paper or in my head before I 'm willing to stake a significant amount of time on it and make it the best . We share our warehouse with another company . Sure , we take up about 90 % of it , but they receive their own deliveries in bay doors on the opposite side of the building . They supply car parts for various garages and dealerships , their drivers coming in every morning to pick up the order for their assigned routes and then leaving once they snag some coffee and chat it up with fellow drivers . There 's this one guy that wishes me " Good morning , " every day . His cheeks are adorned with muttonchops , and he always has a baseball cap and a red plaid jacket . Not only does he do this without fail , but he could be in the middle of a conversation , and he 'll stop and greet me . I smile , wave and respond with a " Good morning . " A part of me is curious about his friendliness , and if there 's any rhyme or reason to why he greets me , but at the same time . . . . I don 't want to know . I like the mystery in it all and the thought that we 're just friendly strangers , who routinely see each other . Everyone knows being a spy isn 't as romantic or funny . More than likely , it 's dangerous , anxiety inducing , and is about never knowing when your last day will be . With witty dialogue , impeccable timing and a score of actors and actresses , it 's easy to think that discovering your spouse is really a secret agent , would lead to some rather hilarious interactions - potentially something like Mr . and Mrs . Smith or plenty of moments in the previously mentioned film . People want to be entertained . They don 't want to accept that people really do lose their lives to protect their country from those that want to harm it . So despite how strange it is that espionage romantic comedies exist , they perform their purpose . Entertainment . That was a delicious pizza . Made at the farmer 's market here in town , held every Saturday . And it was made in a wood - fired oven . Delicious doesn 't even cover how fantastic that pizza tasted . Hand - made dough , fresh cut veggies and homemade sauce ; it was full of perfection . That was the veggie pizza , however there was also cheese , pepperoni and meat lovers . But there 's something about veggies on a pizza that make it look like a work of art . Maybe it 's the color , or perhaps that it has basically every vegetable I love ; I just couldn 't resist snapping this photo before I nommed it in under five minutes . So amazing I wanted another right after the first . What made it taste even better , was the fact it was baked in a wood - fired oven . That still is super cool to me that they bring in their own oven every Saturday . Portable EPIC oven FTW . I can 't wait for next week ! I have too many book . Not that I think you can ever have too many books . I just have too many for the space I currently occupy , so my room is getting a little cluttered . And it always seems , no matter how many books I finish and find room for or must tie up and relegate to the garage , I always end up buying more to fill the shrinking empty spaces . I still like the whole atmosphere of the library , but there 's just something about owning a book , being able to write in it and call it your own . Even if it 's terrible . But it 's okay . I plan on having a library of my own , in my future home , a place to keep all my books and have a desk with my knick - knacks and computer , where I 'll read and write and go on Facebook . Even if it 's just a closet - as long as I have shelf space . I 'll be content . My 2009 WriMo is one of my most complex plots to write in only 30 days . Besides being a romantic comedy , it includes themes of acceptance / tolerance , self - discovery , and more , all wrapped around a homosexual relationship at the heart of the story . I 'd written basically to the end , but hadn 't quite typed up the ending due to my inability to decide on how it should conclude . So rather than do anything more to it , I printed the entire story out and marked it up with my red pen . While incomplete , it 's been read through and edited . Taco Bell is one helluva big deal in these parts . I really don 't know why it took off as a hangout , but it 's really taken its place as a symbol of the community . If you don 't go at least once a week , you 're probably a social outcast . And don 't even get me started on the time it shut down for a few months . . . then reopened , new and improved , as a Taco Bell / Pizza Hut EPIC PLACE OF EPIC EATING EPICNESS . In third grade , we had to write about our favorite places in the school district . Even though Taco Bell is technically a town over , I wrote about it . That 's how influential it 's been in my life . Today , on of my best friends , Zach , and I bought the Party Pack ( 12 tacos , bitches ! ) and split a large Mountain Dew Baja Blast while sitting on the dock at Venetian Park . It was beautiful ; perfection . Even if it was 6541984 degrees outside . It was okay - we had the serenity of the bay and the quiet of the dock and tacos , and that was all we needed . Seriously , who doesn 't love The Muppets ? I could sit and watch them sing Bohemian Rhapsody forever because it 's still funny . But then again , the television show was fantastic - even if I didn 't grow up with seeing it . They 've got memorable characters , jokes and the writing never got dull . Normally a show takes a turn for the worse and somehow , it gets stale . However these puppets just continued to entertain in a time where you 'd think puppets wouldn 't be that funny . Or even draw a crowd . All of the Jim Henson characters are treated like any celebrity would be . Kermit has co - hosted several shows - including the late nights and presented an award at the Emmys . They 've created a legacy that could never be ruined . These are my sunglasses . That is a pool . And that is me , reflected in said sunglasses . They 're the awesome aviators ( I know you 're jelly ) I bought from Newbury Comics up in Boston before the end of the spring semester and I love them . Even though they 're a little scratched from riding around in my bag with my keys all the time . Also note the empty pool and deck . I mostly sit and read , alone , at this job , unless friends decide to visit . I 've tried a bit of writing , too , but ever since my friend said she used to write letters here to her boyfriend at boot camp and our boss would read them , I 've been a little paranoid . I 'm still going to give it a try , though . How awesome a story to tell , about how I finished that collection of poems or short stories , or that novel , that summer I worked at the Harbour Club ? I tend to collect some odd items . Various knick - knacks that are basically useless but are part of a growing collection . You could call them geeky , unique , or just eclectic and hip . But I like the odd things in life . Rather than sea monkey 's , as a kid , I got something called Triops . Rather than the brine shrimp that are basically sea monkey 's , there 's a curiosity shop here in Seattle that sells such unique items . So it 's no wonder I gravitate towards these interesting pieces to decorate my room and house . The little plant above , is actually robotic . After pushing a little button on the side of the pot , it responds to sound by moving it 's leaves and " nodding " up and down as if it listens to you and understands . Heck , you can even ask it yes or no questions and see it 's response . It 's called a Pekoppa plant , a " must have " purchase of mine from ThinkGeek . By far one of my favorite things I 've bought . Rather than stick with the name , Pekoppa , I call mine Coffee - or cohii ( hee ) pronounced in Japanese . He 's become a writing buddy and staple for when I sit at my computer to write for a long stretch and need a quick , amusing break . It 's such a creative idea that I can 't get out of my mind . Being able to write and erase on your regular walls after just one coat of this paint . That 's practically every kid 's dream , drawing on their walls , doors , anything . Plus , it has so many practical uses ! Jotting down grocery lists , making charts , graphs for work , and of course my personal favorite PLOTTING . Actually , plotting was the very first thing I thought of when I saw the opening video . Literally , all of my colored sticky notes would become obsolete and I could forever jot things down on the wall . Once a story was completed , I could erase it all and be on my way . Well . . . actually , I 'd probably take some HD pictures so that way I could refer back to everything just in case I needed to make changes . Would you be the same person you are today if you didn 't grow up with the people you did , in the home you did , attending the schools you did ? What if you didn 't have a mom or a dad ? What if you were raised by relatives ? What if you lived in your car and struggled for food ? What if you were just lucky to be alive ? Does personality come from the wiring in your brain or the things you experience ? We learn almost everything from our parents and the people we see around us , but do you really learn things like compassion , humor , joy , sorrow ? Or do they come with the territory ? Does happiness spring up in a happy home with a white picket fence , or to combat extreme terror and anguish ? This is a Blue Jay . Yesterday , he came and sat on our deck railing . We 've gotten a lot of random wildlife that roams through our neighborhood and yard . Obviously , birds are the easiest to come across . But it 's not too often they 'll chill on our deck for such a long amount of time that I can take several pictures . He had his chest puffed out like those Foster Farms chicken commercials and would sit in various weird positions . Then he 'd fidget for a moment , scratch his head and make his feathers more fanned out , especially the plume on his head , and then pose again . The mating rituals of the feathered kind have always been fascinating . If you 've ever watched Planet Earth on Discovery Channel , particularly when they talk about the jungle , you see all these crazy antics that birds would put themselves through just to attract the females . And if the ladies were unimpressed , the guys would deflate and be sad that they were overlooked . I 'm happy to say though , that I saw a Blue Jay today , and he had a mate . They landed on our deck railing and sat for a few moments before taking off . Congrats little dude . Today at work , I had this unnatural urge to just put pen to paper and write . It was the perfect setting - a chilly pool deck , empty save for one woman reading what I think was The Help , and me , with my writing tablet and my favorite pen from the high school newspaper awards last year . I had some characters in my head , a few ideas , some plots . The problem was , most of them are for larger projects I either have work done on or I have yet to begin , and none of them were going to become short stories I could knock out in the four hours I had left in my shift . Nothing seemed right . I hate that . I love that drive to write , but I hate how it never seems to match up with the right ideas , the right words , the right remembering . I would have continued a story I 've already started , if I could remember specific details and where I 'd left off . But I had nothing - just myself , a pen and paper , and creativity taking me nowhere . Meanwhile , on my laptop , I 've nearly rubbed off two separate keys and have warn grooves into plenty of others . Out of all the keys , my " N " and my " M " are both nearly rubbed off . . . And have significant grooves . There 's been a lot of things in the past week that have reminded me of Prom 2010 . Walking into the same basements where we planned , the friend 's house we went to afterward to change for After Prom . I wanted to upload a picture of all of us in our finery , but then I realized I don 't have any on my computer . Instead , the photo above is from the beach on Fire Island where we spent the day after . It wasn 't conventional - no huge parties , no drinking - just staying up late , watching movies , eating , laughing , talking , walking on the beach in the moonlight . Then ultimate frisbee on the beach the day after , some swimming , some tanning . My date taught me how to play chess that day . I haven 't a clue as to the answers to those questions . Running around in the middle of the night chasing a frisbee sounds like a bad idea . And yet it 's so exhilarating . The last time I had this much fun , was junior high playing tennis . Of course , my friends and I aren 't completely crazy . We don 't run around blind - because some of us practically are - we are safe by wearing electric glow sticks and follow a frisbee that also has a battery and LEDs . It 's such a blast to run around and be competitive at midnight . There 's only us , the stars , astroturf , and the frisbee . And I couldn 't ask for anything better than being able to be athletic with my friends . Their finest work is most certainly the Tron Legacy soundtrack . Yeah , I 'm a big fan of lots of major composers - a thought for another day - but there was something superb about the mix Daft Punk did for the movie . Every song was just . . . wow . I have songs I definitely prefer more over others on the track list , but if I have to pick my top five soundtracks overall to listen to forever , Tron Legacy is definitely there . All of the music just fit so well with the movie . And some movies , the background music feels out of place , or is boring . But as I listen to it , I can picture every scene and all the characters . I can see Sam fighting Rinzler in the Games ; the battle in End of Line , and Quorra taking herself out of the equation . Not to mention Quorra and Sam riding on his Ducati , with her snuggling into his shoulder . SQUEEEE ~ ! ! The sky is that shade of blue that only shows up on days like these . It might not really be any bluer , but it looks perfect against pure white clouds that alternate between puffy and wispy . But everything looks better through aviator shades . A plane might make its way , lazily , across the sky . There might be seagulls crying , cardinals singing . The tree trunks are dark in shadow , the leaves green and shot through with bright rays of sunshine . If the sun were a child 's drawing , it would be wearing sunglasses . And grinning . People are suddenly everywhere - jogging , walking , talking , biking , taking dogs for long walks , pushing infants in strollers . They 've been stuck in hibernation , but no one can miss a beautiful day . Errands are excuses to get out in the sun ; sitting in the backyard is a higher priority than eating , even breathing . The sun is hot , but the breeze cuts the warmth , clearing away humidity and leaving in its place the peaceful flutter of anxious new leaves and the sound of life , renewed , and so very alive . What a beautiful day , you think . And it sounds cliché , but don 't listen to that writing professor . Clichés just have a bad reputation . Sometimes , there 's just no better way to say it . And what a beautiful day this is . My car , Trixie , has little green caps on her tires on the spout where you 'd fill them up with air . Confused and thinking that perhaps these were magical caps that change color when the tire is losing pressure - apparently those exist - we decided to ask . Trix was in for a check - up anyway , so we asked the dealership guy what the purpose of the green cap was . Turns out we were completely wrong . Apparently , filling your tires with nitrogen make them run cooler , so they don 't over heat . Also , that 's what they fill racing tires with . Confused much ? Yeah me too . Especially when you know that my car is a little , first generation Toyota Prius . That is not a racing car . Maybe it helps with efficiency ? I have no idea . But green caps are not magical and change color . And no , the gas won 't change the pitch of your voice if you inhale it . So much for my imagination . . . . Though any ' Bee 's is a hoppin ' place around dinnertime and Happy Hour , there 's something more magical about a late lunch or an early dinner at the Neighborhood . There 's no line , no putting your name on a list , no fighting for a seat in the lobby while your stomach growls for half - prince appetizers . The waiters and waitresses are all standing around the hostess , who grins and leads you , immediately , to one of the booths near the window . Ah , the good life . You get drinks , appetizer , meal , desserts , in rapid succession . Maybe the waitstaff isn 't as peppy and , maybe , the atmosphere loses a little something without a rowdy crowd of sports fans seated around the bar . But seeing the place so quiet is both unsettling and wonderful . Every person , place , and thing has an undercurrent they don 't show the world ; every side has two stories . And the story of Applebee 's in the late afternoon includes eavesdropping , laughing , and eating as much as you can in as little time as it takes to do so . At work , I 'm the messenger . It 's a terrible position in which generally people yell at me when they dislike something . And there 's very little I can do about it . So when people rant - 9 times out of 10 - I have to take what they say like a grain of salt . Even if it seems like they are completely tearing into me . Good thing I have a lot of sarcasm at my disposal to dispel the anger to the best of my ability . Okay , so this was super random . . . . But why does a day just feel so much shorter when your busy , but you wish you had more time because you still have a long list of things you want to get done . . . or planned to get done . I swear , time traveling is a real thing . Like trolls stealing your left sock . In comparison to our previous beagle , Shiloh ( cliched , I know ) , Whitaker is probably the sweetest dog we 've ever had . He 's calm , passive and really isn 't much of a biter . When you 're feeling down , he 's a fantastic cuddler and great at warming up your clothes on a chilly morning - if you don 't mind dog hair . One of the few pets we 've owned where I had the chance to truly pick which dog we got . And really , he 's been fantastic . He makes funny noises when I hug him , or bother him in his sleep . Even when we sit on opposite sides of the couch , he 'll moan and groan as he tries to make a nest out of the blankets . Or if there 's an off chance I 'm bugging him , then he 'll groan about that too . Whitaker is super friendly ; as in he will greet anyone walking by our yard and whine at them until they pet him . So yes , he 's comfortable with strangers . A guard dog he 's not . But despite his small stature , he tries his best to look and sound tough whenever he hears a weird noise . In the morning , he 'll wake me up when he needs to be let out , or when his stomach grumbles at 6 AM on a Saturday . I 'll probably never be a cat person - although the idea sounds nice - because on occasion my allergies get set off . But I like the loveable looks my dog gives me when I 'm sad , or when I get home from work . It 's nice to feel wanted , needed or missed . I shouldn 't be proud to not be writing in my journal every day . I 've pledged to myself so many times in the past that I wouldn 't let my personal writing lapse , even if nothing exciting happened that day , even if I don 't want to record the day 's events for posterity . But I haven 't given up on writing every day , be it fiction or nonfiction . And if I 'm not writing about it in my journal , I 'm out doing it . So , I 'm proud . May this be a summer of catching up on journaling when I can . Maybe it 's the delicate mix of cheese , salt and crunch that makes them so irresistible . Or the fact they don 't leave behind much residue on your fingers . They are simply one of the best snack crackers ever . As the snack saying goes , " You can never have just one . " I don 't belong here . Have I mentioned that here before ? Maybe ; I can 't remember . I might just be getting myself all mixed up with every other time I 've ever mentioned the fact that I 'm all wrong for this decade . Well , all wrong , except for an addiction to the Internet . And a growing appreciation for hip - hop . And a great sadness when I think that , if I were twenty or thirty years older today , I might not have watched Supernatural from the beginning . And think of all the hot guys I wouldn 't know about ! I know war is hell - not from firsthand experience . It 's just something you know is wrong and we should probably be trying to avoid at all costs . But the World War II era is just so intriguing . I don 't really know what it 's like to go without . I don 't know what it 's like to have a sweetheart overseas , someone to write to and pray for . I want to dance at the officer 's club to swing music and join the armed forces as a nurse , or work in a factory . Or play baseball , like in A League of Their Own . As terrifying as it must have been to live through that , it also seems incredibly exciting to have been alive in such a time of change and upheaval . But I don 't know if it 's something about the romance of that period drawing me to the ' 40s , or the whole decade . Whereas , with the ' 80s , I 'm sure I would fit right in . The bold colors , the music , the movies , the celebrities , the TV , the fashion - I have died and gone to shoulder pad heaven just thinking about it . Who knows ? In another time , I might be the East Coast 's answer to Cameron Crowe . I could have run off to Hollywood at the height of the yuppies and made a name for myself in a John Hughes film . I might have been in Top Gun ( or , at least , swaying with my well - coiffed boyfriend to " Take My Breath Away " ) . . . . I COULD HAVE MARRIED EMILIO ESTEVEZ . The Memoir Project is very heavily text - based , hm ? Well , that really was the focus , originally - the written word . But some things are indescribable ; a picture is worth a thousand words . So we here at " Big Myth We Live " are very happy to announce the integration of multimedia elements into the blog ! The aim is still for aspiring authors and dabbling writers to try to write about the details that make them who they are . But , if you 'd like , you can also collect photographs , make a video , find a clip of your favorite song , anything that will help sharpen the memories . Of course , we 'd appreciate a few words of introduction and / or description , so you can 't skimp on your writing now ! But we 're very excited to see what we ( and you ! ) can come up with to present our lives as faithfully as possible . This leads to my next point - you ! We 'd love to line up a few guest posts , and we welcome any and all readers , skimmers , or first - timers to create a post about their three chosen details of the day to share here at Big Myth for the Memoir Project ! It can be three videos , a picture and two long written pieces , a song and a slideshow , or the typical three short blurbs - whatever you 're drawn towards . But we can 't do it without you , so contact either me , katiemickgee , or Dominic Knight today and start dreaming : ] Word games are a guilty pleasure . Probably because it 's one of the few places I can use my large vocabulary and not feel bad when people don 't know what the word means . But when I speak aloud , I generally dumb down my language . It 's a habit from work since there are plenty of people that barely understand English , so I have to keep things simple . Unfortunately it 's a terrible rut to fall into . I don 't have the ability to have too many spur of the moment intelligent conversations . Strictly , everything I talk about is either work , or video game related . On occasion we speak about what recently appeared on CNN via the break room televisions . I absolutely love the smell of chlorine . That sounds sick , seeing as it 's a potentially harmful chemical , if ingested in large quantities . It also really smarts when you get it in your eyeballs ; trust me , I work at a pool . And that 's the exact reason I love the smell of chlorine . It 's not exactly a crisp and clean smell , though you do know the water must be safe , if you get that scent early in the morning . It burns your nostrils and wakes up your brain . It makes your eyes sting and water , when you forget your goggles . And God help the poor soul who actually swallows a mouthful or two of chlorinated pool water - moreso because no one really knows what kids are doing in the water , not because of the chlorine . It 's almost sweet , not sour , and hangs in the air and on your clothes long after you 've climbed out of the pool . One of my favorite things to do in the dead of winter is to dig out one of my village - issued swim instructor T - shirts and summon up the sights and sounds of a summer that exists only in my memory . Watching the older kids paddle through laps through my aviator shades , the world tinted brown or blue or gray . The bridge is in the distance , across the bay , promising the beach later in the day , maybe , and boats sometimes pass too close to the bulkhead for the lifeguard 's comfort . Either that , or the ridiculousness of the super villains . It probably already exists , but it 'd be a blast to write a book parody about every trope that 's in a comic book . I 'd go crazy with that . But how could you not ? On my other blog , I wrote a short story recently called " Ceiling Tiles and Laughter . " And for the most part , I 'd say it 's an example of how dark my humor can get . Though , perhaps it 's on the lighter side . . . I 'm sure there are darker things lurking , it 's just a matter of if I 'll let them out of their cage . But that story was from a plot twist in a roleplay a friend and I were doing on instant messenger . The character loses his leg and that brief flash fiction was his way of finally accepting this life changing event and working on moving past that . For the most part , I can 't see any other way of moving past something so traumatic as losing a limb , than by using some amount of humor to help yourself cope . That 's probably why whenever I am thrust into a crazy situation - although not life threatening - I tend to use humor to ease my own nerves . And even if it 's not dangerous or crazy , just stressful , I laugh it off with others as we 're going through it to make sure I 'm not freaking out and taking out my anger and frustration out on other people . On my summer days , I like to strut around in a bathing suit without makeup and get tan . Oh , and I get paid for it . Because I 'm a Red Cross - certified swim instructor . What can I say ? It 's summertime and the livin ' is easy . But , there are days when it 's sunny and hot and I can 't convince myself that sitting inside is a good idea for very long . On these days , when I don 't have work , it 's either feel guilty about wasting a beautiful day , or get my ass outside and tan . I do go outside and I do enjoy the sun . For awhile . Until I start getting distracted . I don 't have the attention span to just sit . I can read for hours . I can watch a movie or multiple episodes of a show . I can be online . I 'll even lay out at the beach . But , when I 'm in my own backyard , there are just too many distractions ; I can 't sit still . I drink too much water as it is , so I 'm constantly running inside to the bathroom . I sit in a chair , lay on my stomach , sit in the grass . I listen to music , I read . I get hungry . I want to read something else . I need more water . I just keep fidgeting , up and down , inside and out , running around , always moving . And , what 's odd , it 's entirely a summertime affliction . A strong headache is also putting me to bed early . Pills haven 't worked , and neither has water . Hopefully sleep will be my cure . Posted by In a lot of ways , he is a kid . We 're so dumb together , making fun of even the movies we love , laughing about our shared genetic stupidity , swapping computer tricks and book reviews . He 's an adult in all the usual ways - going to work , paying bills , buying stuff , doing taxes - but he does it with such ease and nonchalance , you wouldn 't know he 's worried about anything . Usually , he 's not worried . Like a kid who doesn 't know any better . Like Peter Pan . I 'm pretty sure I have a terrible addiction to Twitter . There 's something about the social feed that I just can 't get enough of . Perhaps it 's that I can get a glimpse at the life of the rich and famous I follow , or get the opportunity for one of them to tweet me back if I ask them a question during the occasions they 'll play 20 questions . Twitter - in comparison to the rest of social media - has really bridged that gap that used to exist with celebrities and the Average Joe . Sure , generally celebs follow each other and stick to their own circles . But Twitter has allowed people to see into their busy lives and find out about the projects they 're working on or see pictures they snap in real time . Not to mention , a lot of good things have come from Twitter . Charities raise money by tweeting and getting retweeted . Family can connect to each other in a disaster to inform of their well - being . Celebrities get auctioned off , the winners receiving a phone call and a " follow " from the celeb . News spreads , and people are kept informed . Advertising can occur for free and can generate a lot of interest . Grassroots movements can rise up and literally take the world by storm - " Help Nathan Buy Firefly " being the best example . If there 's any social media site I know I 'll stay a member of , Twitter would be the one . I 've had some of the best conversations on Twitter that really , it 's a way to connect with people all over the globe and feel more apart of their lives than just chatting on some anonymous forum . It feels personal , and yet the best area to market yourself when trying to gain followers and getting noticed by perhaps some big names out there . I 'm going to stick with Twitter , because once I get published - maybe make it on Oprah 's Book Club ? - I want my fans to have the same kind of contact with me that I 've had with my idols . I have friends whose families have been in this town for decades - maybe even centuries , I don 't know . I 'm not an outcast around here , but since my family is so tiny , it 's weird to see so many people who can be so committed to each other and supportive of one another . I 'm an only child , which has never been a huge issue , though I have contemplated what it would have been to be a big sister ( or the annoying kid sister with a crush on all her adorably protective older brother 's friends ) . It might get lonely , but I hear the horror stories and realize how lucky I have it to be on my own and totally accepting of that . But we don 't really talk to my dad 's side of the family ; just my mom 's . Through her , I only have one grandmother , two aunts , an uncle , and exactly one cousin . One . Some of my friends can 't even keep track of ages and birthdays for all their cousins . I 've never been excited for family get - togethers , because there 's never anyone my age to talk to . I 've always been a little grown - up and , now that I actually am an adult , they still treat me like a child . I talk pretty fast . If ever I had to be in debate club and count words per minute , I 'd feel bad for whoever had to count my speed . And no , this is without coffee - with would be too dangerous . But that has to do with my mom . She 's not someone I would call simple by any means . Not only did she design our house - no , she 's not an architect - she also holds a patent for an invention or two . However , my mom likes simplicity . So whenever I would talk to her about something - i . e : Harry Potter , video games , or anything I 'm truly interested in - she would look at me and say " You have 10 seconds . " Well , ten seconds or until I could tell she wasn 't listening because her eyes would glaze over and she would change the subject . And no , I 'm not an expert in persuasion or holding people 's attention . They tell you to be who you are , to face each day with confidence and every hater with proud defiance . They tell you bullies quiver when you stand up to them . They tell you the underdogs will make it , too , and live far more fulfilling lives than the popular kids . Being Japanese and Hawaiian , people would expect me to be completely comfortable with flip flops . In truth , I actually only started wearing them about two and half years ago . Strange right ? I would use shoes basically wherever I went , and since I rarely go swimming , I had no need for them when at a pool or beach . Truthfully , I desperately hate things between my toes . My mom used to tease me when I was little by putting a finger between any of my toes , and I would freak out . So I was desperate to stay away from them and stick to corny sandals - but no socks , thanks . What changed my outlook on the idea ? Well , for the most part , I wanted to be able to actually wear them . My irrational freak outs needed to be tamed . But I couldn 't wear just any kind of flip flops . The cheap pairs that are basically foam and rubber wouldn 't work . Knowing my luck , I 'd probably be allergic to the material , or something disastrous would happen and I 'd never be able to wear them . So I went in search of flip flops of a higher quality . To ease my woes , I was willing to spend some extra cash for comfort . After wandering a few stores and only finding the cheap pairs , or something slightly more expensive than them - but still with a rubber tongue between your toes - I was about ready to give up . But then one store was carrying exactly what I was looking for , which was unexpected . I was looking for cloth or some kind of soft material that would go between your toes , and that 's exactly what I found . And they have the added benefit of being made of 100 % post consumer material , so they 're super eco - friendly . Not to mention , I like the design on the cloth straps . So over all , it was a win - win and I 'm not used to wearing flip flops . Read more » There are fifty - six books in the original series . There are currently twenty - three ( soon to be twenty - four ) computer games , now in both the PC and Mac formats . There was a totally awesome TV series is the 70s , a decent TV movie in the early 2000s , and a pretty terrible Emma Roberts monstrosity on the big screen rather recently . Why all the fuss over outdated old Nancy Drew ? Pardon my French ( which she probably speaks ) . But , if you don 't agree , it 's only because you don 't really know Nancy or you 're insanely jealous of her wonderful life . She 's the only daughter of her lawyer dad , Carson Drew , she has a housekeeper , Hannah Gruen , and she has a totally hot , totally charming , totally chivalrous , totally college - aged , totally football - playing boyfriend named Ned Nickerson . Her best friend , Helen , vanished after the second book , only to resurface later , married and with a mystery to solve . Her two other best friends ( she 's allowed to have more than one ) are the cousins Bess Marvin and George Fayne . Bess is pleasantly plump , kind of dumb , and likes to eat , yet , ironically , she 's the one you call for hints in the PC games . George is lean , kind of dumb , and butch - she carries the bags , plays sports , and steps in as hero to Bess ' and Nancy 's damsels in distress when Ned isn 't around . As a good friend points out , today , Bess and George would probably be in a weird , incestuous , lesbian relationship , simply because of their odd relationship dynamic . The girls shouldn 't take offense to those descriptions , though . Everyone is stupid in comparison to Nancy Drew . And there 's only room for one pretty , smart , heterosexual girl in River Heights , Illinois .
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I am also in the process of making an oak table and after I 'd finished laminating some planks , had some time to kill . In the corner of the gargae , there was a camping chair that had broken at the plastic joints which , to fix , I took a couple of pieces of 2mm cable and crimps and fixed the chair . I now have a kewl fishing chair . The Rally Tent wraps perfectly around the canopy and back end of the Mazda - rati , with the tie down ropes looping perfectly around the rear bumper to keep it taught . With the rear window of the canopy open , it holds the canvas in perfect position . Taking three of the old poles from the gazebo , and a few lengths of nylon rope , I rigged the Rally Tent , caravan - style and this is what I came up with . Would we change things and head back up that way ? Not in a million years . We are very happy here , the people are great , the weather is sometimes a bit dodgy ( but there 's nothing you can do about that ) , there is plenty to do and see . In fact , if there came a time that the corporation said to us " Move back to Joburg , or find something else to do " , guess what ? So long , corporation . No second thoughts , it would take me all of about a second to get that out of my mouth . Second thought out of me would be " Now , about that severance package . . . " Fuck me . . . is that scary or what ? Huntley , dude , I don 't blame you for running away from that . Actually , you 're an asshole . You should have put her out of her misery first , then fucked off to Canada and applied for asylum . I 'm just surprised it took him that long to wake up and discover what he was sleeping next to . She looks like a cross between a sumo wrestler and a circus - act tattoo lady . All that 's missing is the wispy beard , but then maybe she shaves every day like the rest of the menfolk around her . . . Email hoaxing should be a death penalty sentance when the person is caught . An example has to be made of one of them . If hackers face lengthy jail sentences for exposing loopholes in corporate internet failures , why should email hoaxers face any different punishment ? That said , I believe the hoaxers punishment should be taken to the next level . I Am Ms . Angela Gordon . I Am A United States Citizen And I Am 34 Years Old . I Reside Here In Dripping Springs , Texas And I Am Thinking Of Relocating Since I Am Now Rich . She Said Who Ever Is Contacting Us Through Emails Are Fake . She Also Took Me To The Paying Bank ( ARCB BANK ) For The Claim Of My Compensation Payment . Right Now , I Am The Happiest Woman On Earth Because I Have Received My Compensation Funds Of $ 5 , 000 , 000 . 00 More Over , Mrs . Anita Paton Showed Me The Full Information Of Those That Are Yet To Receive Their Payments And I Saw Your Email As One Of The Beneficiaries Who Have Not Yet Received The Payment Under Case File 54ac003 And That Is Why I Decided To Email You To Stop Dealing With Those People . They Are Not With Your Fund ; They Are Only Making Money Off You . Therefore , I Would Advise You To Contact Mrs . Anita Paton For Assistance And Inform Her That Your Case File Is 54ac003 . Contact Her Directly Via The Information Below . The Only Money I Paid After I Met Mr . Kelvin Tuner Was Just The Bank Transfer Charges , Which Is Only Normal And Legitimate As It Is In All Banks In The World . So Please Take Note Of That . Mrs . Anita Paton Shall Ensure That You Deal Directly With The Bank ( ARCB BANK ) . Once Again Stop Contacting Those People . I Advise That You Contact Mrs . Anita Paton So That She Can Help You In The Collection Of Your Transfer Payment Instead Of Dealing With Those Liars That Will Be Turning You Around Asking For Different Kind Of Money To Complete Your Transaction . Thank You And Be Blessed . The flames came very close to some of the houses built up to the fire break ( why do people take that much risk with their homes ? bloody idiots ) and I 'm not sure if any were actually burned . No doubt the local rag will have an article about it in the coming days . On the Wednesday , I got the landlady 's DIY guy to come out and see what could be done about the water coming in under the door and discovered his rates . I 've been thinking of starting up a handyman business for a while and at R280 / hr , plus cost of materials ( no doubt with a " handling fee " added ) and R3 . 50 per kilometre travel , I think it might be a viable business . The estate agent who looks after the house has been asking whether I still wanted to do the handyman thing , as she has a number of jobs to be done and no - one to do them for her . It appears that all the handymen are so busy , they just don 't bother getting back to her on the small jobs . I reckon it might be possible to make up to R30k a month at those rates , so maybe it 's something I need to do . . . Sounding like a very bad Dr Seuss book , my sister ( gotta love her ) brought down the house ( or at least , had me in stitches ) when she visited us recently . We went to a nice little restaurant on Kalk Bay Harbour called Polana . At some point through the evening , I noticed she wasn 't wearing proper shoes . To start off , it is perhaps time to explain how Tabard got his nickname . Some of you may know Tabard , the liquid . It is a white , viscous , aromatic liquid smeared on the body to fend off the huge fuckin ' mosquito 's ( see photo below ) we get in SA . Anyway . . . around the second night , Damba gets woken up by some strange noises emanating from Tabard 's bed . Rolling over , Damba vaguely , in the dark , sees some strange motions from under the covers and politely asks him what the fuck he 's doing . Quick ( perhaps too quick ) to respond , Tabard says he 's rubbing on some of the cream cos the mozzies are chowing him . Damba , looking for clarification , asks why he 's rubbing it on what appears to be his groin region . I think the less said about this story the better and we 'll give Tabard the benefit of the doubt . Jonny Bravo trying to make a point , also known as " pointing " . A number of these intellectual conversations were held over the course of the trip . We even solved a number of global problems , but the recession came after the trip so we weren 't able to help there . But . . . on the Thursday , instead of doing a little night fishing , we decide on having an absolute fuckin ' bender . As you can see by the photo , The Bulls Inn has a nice little pub area , complete with pool table and dart board . Damba showed us how to play a kewl new game , " Naai Jou Maatjie " ( or for those of you out there who can 't read code , " Fuck Yer Pal " ) . The game is a great laugh and consists of the following mechanics : throw a dart with your left hand at any number ( me , I 'm left handed so I threw with my right hand otherwise it wouldn 't have been fair ) , that number is now " yours " and you have to throw 5 of them before you are " open " and can start to " screw yer pals " , by throwing their number and cancelling out all their little crosses , then knocking them out of the game . If you got knocked out early , the only thing you could do while the game finished , which at some times took a while , was drink . And that meant we all had our turn at drinking . None of us were particularly good at darts , but we were all particularly good at drinking . All I remember of the evening was when I started to sober up ( sometime in the early hours ) and someone said " let 's go fishing " . Yeah , fuckin ' brilliant idea for something to do at 3am . Anyway , myself , Fishman and Jonny Bravo decide it might be worth it as the wind had dropped and we had a high tide to bring the fish on the bite . We gathered up our gear , put on some warm clothing ( windbreakers ) and headed off along the beach . When we got to the rocks we noticed that the waves were washing up the beach quite far and we had to tread carefully through waist deep water and waves to get to the shelf where we were going to fish from . Aparently , I was telling the guys " Safety first , boys " all the way through , and repeatedly , so I was perhaps not as sober as I could / should have been . Anyway , we got through a little damp , found a great spot and started fishing , but again , no fish . After a while , just before dawn , Fishman decided he had had enough and was going to have a snooze . He must have been fuckin ' freezing judging by the foetal position he 's sleeping in . Damba and Tabard decided that they wouldn 't mind doing some deep sea boat fishing that day , and the owner was only too happy to charter out his boat to them . Apparently the guys " fed the fish " a lot , so I 'm glad I didn 't go along even though I love boat fishing . We all had a good giggle when the owner and his " motley crew " battled to get the boat back onto the trailer when they came back . The spring tide had gone right out and the water was very shallow , which made getting the heavy boat onto the trailer very difficult . It must have taken them a good half hour to get it right as the crew didn 't have a clue what they were up to . The owner was shouting and swearing at them in isiZulu ( language of the Zulus ) but he wasn ; t getting through to them and ended up doing most of the work himself . On the Saturday , we decided we were going to go and fish the area we had been a couple of days before , where Jonny Bravo and I had had our six hour long tussles . The water was nice and deep , with not much wave action and certainly looked like it might yield a fish or two . We could drive the bakkie right up to the water 's edge , which was great for carrying loads of tackle . This was where I caught the small sandshark I mentioned earlier . I know from experience that they are great baits for larger sharks and immediately put it out of its misery with a swift crack of its head on a rock , and much to the annoyance of Kallie , who is a vet and hates to see any form of harm coming to any form of animal . I could have slid it out live , but that would have meant it would have suffered , hence the reason I despatched it quickly . The sliding of the sandie was a little more difficult than planned and it got stuck on a rock a few metres offshore , which meant that I had to get into the water and free the rig from the rocks . Jonny Bravo held the rod while I took my shirt off and went swimming . Fishman thought I was going to get fucked up on the rocks when he saw a wave wash over my head , but I 'm an old surfer and know that the best way to get through a wave is under it , with the result that I popped up almost in the same place as I 'd gone under , and without a mark on me . Needless to say , Murphy had a hand in freeing the rig and just before I got there , Jonny Bravo managed to get the bait back in the water again . Ah well , it was a refreshing swim . The slide went out and I never saw the sandie again . Not that I had a hookup or anything , but rather the line stayed in the water for a couple of hours and then when we decided to head back to camp , I lost the rig as the sinker had got stuck between the rocks and the line broke . It would have been great to get a hookup as the Transkei is famous for its large sharks . Maybe next time . . . While we were on the beach , some friends of Kallie 's drove down form one of the inland towns and joined us for lunch and drinks . Kallie managed to get some crayfish for us from the locals and the lodge owner lavished them in garlic and butter . I then popped them on the braai for Kallie and her pal . That night , as it was our last and the conditions were good again , Jonny Bravo , Tabard and myself decided we were going to give it " one last throw " and went back down to Mpame rocks in front of the lodge . We had a good many nice bites but the only one of us to get a fish was Tabard , who caught this large Shad . This was the fish that , afterward , he said had made his trip . On the Sunday morning , we were up bright and early as we had to make our individual ways home . We packed all the fishing gear away in our bags , broke down the multi - piece rods and stashed everything in our bakkies , not looking forward to the long road ahead . At least Damba would accompany me in my car back to the main highway , so I had company part of the way . As a tradition , the lodge owner asks each group to leave a cap signed by the entire team that was there . He then hangs it up on the roof of the pub with all the others . I bet he has some stories to tell . . . Even though it was a long distance to travel , we all had a great time and I 'm sure we 'll be there again sometime . Perhaps not next year , but definately at some point in the future . Hopefully next time will produce more fish though . . . For the first time , our trips began from different origins , for obvious reasons . Mine began from Cape Town and the others travelled in convoy from Shit Towne , Secunda ( where Jonny Bravo lives ) and Sabie ( where Skoonie and Kallie live ) . I started my trip early , leaving home at 1pm on Monday 9th March , heading to Kuils River , which is on the way , to pick up some dry ice which I was going to use to keep the bait frozen . The rest of them left a good deal later , that night . Ice in cooler box , I hit the highway , not really looking forward to the distance which , as it turns out was 2 , 876km there and back . It 's amazing what a guy will do for a fishing trip with his buds , though next year I might think twice about driving that distance on my own . Hopefully , I 'll be able to take a couple of the Capetonian anglers with me as there are a couple of really good guys down here . I drove straight through to Knysna where I stopped for a bit of dinner , entering the spirit of fishing with a fish supper at one of the take away joints in the quaint little town . Satisfied , I filled up the bakkie and drove through to King Williams Town , by now in the dark and thankful for my spotlights . Thoroughly tired , I tried to find somewhere safe to stop and grab a few hours sleep but all I could manage was a dark spot next to a petrol station and two hours fitful rest . I didn 't completely trust the area and the canopy on the bakkie isn 't the most difficult thing to break into . Later , I found out that if I 'd driven a couple more km 's I could have stopped at a better spot and maybe slept better too . Ah well , if there 's a next time . . . I grabbed a cup of horrible coffee at the station cafe and hit the road again , gee 'd up cos the last leg of the trip was underway . The rest of the drive to Umtata , capital of the old Transkei homeland , was uneventful and I pulled up there at around 9am , expecting the rest of the team to be along soon . Not so . . . Kallie phoned me to say that they were stuck at some roadworks which was going nowhere fast and it was almost two hours later that they arrived at the Ultra City . I kept myself amused by having an oily breakfast and sat watching people from the comfort of my front seat . It was here that I noticed the interesting tailgate on the bakkie in front of me . The little piece of tarred road was in poor condition and , at times , felt like we were driving drunk , swerving all over the road to avoid the deep potholes disguised as trenches . After about 34km , we turned off the tarred stretch and onto dirt road , which mostly turned out to be in better condition than the tar section . We still had another 30 - odd km of dirt road and from the time we left Umtata and hit our lodge , we must have been driving for what felt like a couple of hours . The lodge , which was to be our home for the next few days , was a welcome sight . The ocean was even more welcome . Unlike the Cape waters , the Indian Ocean is relatively warm , ranging from 17 to 23 degC across the seasons . When we arrived , it was calm , with small waves lapping at the shore . Needless to say , our first priority was to quench the thirst we had developed on the dirt road . Actually , we had been doing a bit of that all the way along the dirt road , but now that we had arrived , we had a better reason to crack open a beer . After introductions to the lodge owner and their welcome , we started to unpack fishing gear into the open living area where we would spend a good deal of time , either eating , drinking , playing backgammon or just sitting talking crap . We do a lot of each of those things on these fishing trips , something that keeps drawing us back year on year . That night , I ended up having a bedroom all to myself as the house we were staying in had enough beds for about 20 people . As we were only 7 , and as they have been good friends for a while , only Damba and Tabard ended up sharing a room ( single beds , I might add quickly , before I get death threats ) . My room had four beds in it and I settled on to the one next to the window , in case it got too warm at night . As it happened , it was quite cool in the evenings and it was a pleasure sleeping with the windows open , listening to the birds in the morning . The open windows also acted as a damper for the snoring which came from my neighbours , Damba and Tabard . Up early on the first morning , we tackled up and took a walk along to Mpame Rocks . The water was looking great , low swell , tide going out and only a light wind blowing . Not long into the morning , Jonny Bravo hooked into a huge Bartail Flathead . It is the biggest of the species we have ever seen and , after photos , it ended up back in the water to live another day . Fishman had timed our visit to the area to coincide with the spring tides but , as it happened it didn 't really help when it came to catching fish . There were very few fish caught over the coming days , with the exception of Damba who just about caught the entire Blacktail stock on the east coast . I dropped a huge Shad on one of the outings and only caught a small sandshark which I promptly put out for a big shark , to no avail . Tabard caught a large Shad on the last evening and was very chuffed , saying that it had made his trip worthwhile . The only other fishing happening of note was the time that Jonny Bravo and I spent hooked into what we believe ( and were told by the lodge owner ) large guitarfish , and spent 6hrs hanging onto the end of our rods , well into the night , only for us to get bored and end up breaking our lines off in frustration and fatigue . The rest of them say we were hooked into rocks , but rocks don 't pull your drag slowly , one click every few seconds . Large fish , on the other hand , do . We 'll stick with our side of the story .
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at that moment the centipede went into a deep concentration , realizing he never actually tried to figure it out . he picked up one leg and tried to think about what was next … . unable to figure out what to do next he stood there motionless , helpless confused . recently i learned this lesson as i have been trying to improve my running form . for the past 4 months i have been obsessed with my running form , and just form in general . i have been running for about 30 years , and my form has not been horrible . it has changed here and there but for the most part it has been generally quite smooth . however i believe that it has not been the model of efficiency . i don 't run symmetrically my knees bend too much on every stride , and my feet spend too much time on the ground . i have been watching video after video of proper running form . each time i watch a video i get something new to work on . maybe i just have a short memory and i 'm just relearning the same thing over and over again , but i always leave inspired . i have been practicing the " pose " , studying the chi , and fawning at the barefoot runners . i even run with my vibram five fingers to help me get up on my toes . i aqua - run three times a week to practice my form and work on strength . i work out very specific muscle groups to enhance parts of my gait that i like . needless to say i am quite obsessed . though i have been very dedicated to studying the human running form , i have one very glaring problem . i can not run anymore . i remember the old days when i could just leave the house and run like a deer through the neighborhoods and trails like there was no limit . it didn 't happen every time but it used to happen , and it was what running was all about . now , my running has turned into complicated dance steps performed with a puppet using hundreds of strings made from human muscles . every move of every muscle is thought out , analyzed and corrected … . from my toes to my neck and shoulders . by mile two i am completely exhausted , my enthusiasm is gone and everything feels like forced exercise . i long for the days when running will be fun again . my mind is so fixed on running correctly ; i think i will never get back to running freely . perhaps i should take a shot of jägermeister , like i did when i learned to telemark ski . i was so overwhelmed that i ordered a shot of jäger , got back out on the slopes and voila , i could tele ! leonard published 6 years ago in Uncategorized . 3 the boston marathon is just around the corner . as of this day it is only 78 days away . this is my third time qualifying for the big event , but only my first time signing up . the first two times i was just a kid and felt i had bigger fish to fry than running a classic . now i am in my 40 's and i have big hairy audacious goals for this race , or i should say that i " had " those kind of goals … now they are more like little peach - fuzz - like modest goals . it 's not that i lack drive or that i give up easily , but it 's more like i don 't want to kill myself . i don 't mean jump off of a building - end - it - all kill myself , but more like drive - myself - onto - the - freeway - until - my - tires - blow - out - and - i 'm - still - going - with - nothing - but - rims . i got that metaphor from watching t . v . late at night , i think it was called greatest car chases or something like that … . if left unregulated i will run till my body falls apart . in fact i think i hit that point 20 years ago when i told myself i would never race again … somehow i 've made a comeback or sorts . i race again , and last year i even " raced " a full marathon . during my journey over the past 20 years , i 've developed all kinds of ideas an innovations that have helped me to continue running . everyone says , " listen to your body " but does anyone really know what that means ? i hear runners talking all the time about it . but does anyone really speak body - language ? that 'd be cool if rosetta stone had software for learning body language . listening to your body doesn 't just mean that if your ankle , knee or foot hurts during a run you should slow down . it really means that you should perhaps stop , and consider not running till it stops hurting . in fact at this point , the problem is probably screaming at you . did you fail to listen to anything before the run ? even if there was no communications at all between you and your foot or whatever , did you fail to consider that maybe you ran too hard the day before , did you get enough sleep , was your body completely fresh ? my point is not to criticize runners , but to bring about the point that listening to your body , has many many levels . i am by no means successful at this point , and i actually have a confession to make . i am kind of injured . i say " kind of " mostly because i am still trying to figure out the severity of it . i have considered various outcomes from stress fractures to it 's - all - in - my - head … and i still don 't know . the only thing i do know is how i became injured . it 's not like i am obsessed with mileage . i am actually a very conservative runner . i try to listen to my body , and as a result i have very modest weekly totals . when i ran the san francisco marathon last july , i finished with a 3 : 12 , and my weekly mileage was 30 - 40 . so how did i get injured this time around ? last week i had this epiphany of about my training and my injury . i got injured because i stopped listening to my body and started listening to statistics . the statistic are all around me and i find it very difficult to avoid . how far did i run this week ? how much did i run last week ? how much do i need to run ? how much did my friend run ? it is very easy to get caught up in this " rat race " . in fact , i think most of us don 't even realize we are in a " rat race " . the problem is that almost every training program out there is mileage based . from beginner to elite … we have prescribed recipes for our workload . the fact is , everyone is different , everyone has different obstacles in their daily life that effects their training . they could be sick , sleepless , hungover , stressed out … whatever . weekly mileage is an artificial benchmark that was chosen empirically for the average person with similar goals . before i have to debate this point , let me point out one thing … . every running training program out there falls apart when when you introduce cross training . and what is cross training ? cycling ? jumping jacks ? shoveling snow ? unicycling ? all of these are forms of exercise that benefit you greatly but usually can not be categorized by even the greatest of all programs . perhaps you could break down each of the muscle groups that are most worked in the said events , but can you really control when they happen ? no , you can 't ! what if you have to shovel your driveway to get to work ? and you have intervals planned that same day ? or what if there is a break in the weather and you want to go out for a unicycle ride ( this only applies to me ) ? what if you got drunk unexpectedly on a saturday night ( maybe this only applies to me as well ) ? should you still go out and do your 20 miler ? so what are weekly mileage plans good for ? they 're good for feeding the obsessive compulsive behavior in most of us . we need something tangible to stroke our egos . we need to quantify our efforts . when i return from a lunch run how , unimpressive would i be if couldn 't tell the receptionist that i ran eight miles . " i ran at a good effort for me today " … not too impressive right ? actually it 's not the receptionist or coworker , or spouse of friend that we are really trying to impress … we are trying to impress ourselves . i look back at my old logs and i must say that sometime i am quite impressed . sometimes i feel that i 've kicked ass , and sometimes it 's a shocker to see how little i 've run . this is actually what caused me to get injured . i looked back at my mileage and looked at my friends ' mileage … looked at my goals , looked at my friends ' goals , and felt i needed to step it up a notch . i ran a very modest little 3 mile run with my vibram five fingers . the next day my calves were a little sore as usual , but i had a last minute plan to run with my friend . i didn 't think i should run , but since the weather happened to be nice , and i don 't get to run with her that often , i ran . the day after that i had a planned 15 miler . i didn 't wake up that morning feeling like i wanted run . the weather was cold and crappy , my legs were tired , but i had planned it … . so i ran it . i knew it was wrong when i started and the last two miles of that run confirmed my initial feelings … . that 's when my left shin started to really hurt . the moral of the story is … . . mileage isn 't everything . statistics are very vague indicators of your fitness . especially if you cross train . please don 't think that listening to your body is going to make you into a " lazy " person unable to push through pain . there is good pain and there is bad pain . listening to your body does not mean to run conservatively all the time . if your mind and body are up for it … . let ' em go ! by all means take advantage of the days that you feel good ! don 't hold back because it ' not in your training plan to run fast this particular day . however use common sense , if you are tapering for an upcoming race . what is my plan for boston ? ( if my injury turns out to be minor ) i plan to work as hard as i can for the next 78 days . i am not going to log any more miles , no more dailymile , no more rigid plans , no more mileage based workouts . i have many activities besides running that i plan to get me closer to my boston goals , but i will go as i feel , i will try to balance my mental and physical attitude before and during each and every thing i do . i don 't need statistics to tell me i am not working hard enough , i don 't need motivation from others , i find my motivation from inside me . i want this to be a very enjoyable journey to the boston marathon finish line . leonard published 7 years ago in Uncategorized . 1 this past week i got a new performance bike catalog in the mail . i don 't really need any bike stuff , with the exception of mountain biking shoes . i never plan on buying them because they are so expensive . i always look at them like bike - porn in the catalogs just to have something to look at i guess . this week they went on an unbelievable sale . i don 't know why but these shoes never go on sale … never ! but here they were in front of me , the exact one 's i told one of my mountain biking buddy that i was needing . i was so excited , and couldn 't wait to get to the performance store to pick them up . after about 24 hours of waiting , something dawned upon me … i am training for a marathon . not a mountain bike marathon ( if there is such a thing ) but a real running marathon . i am planning to run more miles in the next four months than i have in the last four years . i 'm not going to stop cycling during this time , i 'm just going to change my priorities a little bit . from now on mountain biking and cycling are going to my cross training activities , and running well that 's just going to take the spot light for a little while . for the past 10 years , mountain biking has been the fruits of my labor . my cycle commutes , my weekend trail runs , all of it has been so that i can go out on my mountain bike and have a blast . if running is going to be number one , then i am going to require some better equipment than my clearance running shoes , cycling sox , and 15 year old tech shirts . after going over the short list of things i need for running , i realized that the first item was going to be a new pair of running shoes . of course this means that sale or no sale the new mountain biking shoes would just have to wait . i am not too excited about putting my mountain bike shoes on hold , but i was excited about getting a new pair of running shoes . i went down to boulder to get my running shoes and i picked a mighty fine pair , if i do say so myself . i felt pretty content that i was transforming myself back into a runner after a pretty long hiatus … . as i left the parking lot , i remembered that sale at performance bike . it was only a mile from where i was and maybe i could pick up some gu , endurox , or maybe some socks . so , i decided to stop by . as i walked up to the store front , there was sign after sign reminding me of their super sale and the 20 % savings for team performance members … which i was ! ! the first thing i saw were some beautiful cheap cruiser bikes … those are nice , but even if i wasn 't focused on running right now , i still couldn 't buy one of those … moving on . found some killer socks . then the jerseys caught my eye . oh my god they were almost 30 % off ! ! ! they never go on sale . i found a sweet fox mountain bike jersey my size … i picked it up and carried it around for a while . i saw the sidi mountain bike shoes … oh they were beautiful under that discount sign . i picked them up and looked them over . i found my size and started to try them on … when it hit me . i just spent 100 dollars on a pair of running shoes . i can not afford two sports . i sadly put down the shoes , and even walked over and put the jersey back . everything was crazy cheap . i found some cheap commuter tires for my bianchi , which i almost justified , until i realized that i had tires that will get me through the season . camel baks , panniers , pumps … all of it i had to walk away . that place is a crack house , i had to get out . i ended up buying some endurox , green socks , and some wonderful chamois butt ' r . not a bad haul , considering i could have easily spent $ 300 on cycling gear . leonard published 7 years ago in Uncategorized . 0 about eight years ago i was in the market for a new road bike . i didn 't know too much about road bikes except for the little bits of information my friend gave me about components and such . i had no particular bike in mind , so at each bike shop i would just pull out a bike from the rack , look it over and wait for the bike - cupid to strike me . when i finally visited the last bike shop there were two bikes the caught my interest right next to each other . i pulled out the first one , and i kind of liked it . it had just about everything i was looking for and it was in the right price range . the only thing missing from this bike , was that cupid arrow . i really wanted something with pizazz , and this bike had none . so i pulled out the next bike , it was very similar to the first bike , only it had red rims … . . hmmm . i pulled it out of the rack , held it with one had fully extended so i could get a good view of it . as i stood there staring at the bike , trying to picture myself on it , a really cute female shopper passed by ( i think a cyclist ) . i was kind of blocking the isle so she had to kind of had to go around me and the bike . anyway , i rode it to work almost everyday that first week . about that same time back at home we were getting ready for an extended weekend trip to yellowstone national park . i was still pretty excited about my new bike and i didn 't want to leave it at home , besides i knew there would be some great road riding up there . so i took it along . i don 't really remember what everyone was doing but i remember exactly what i was doing . my bike was parked in the narrow isle between the left side of the bed and the window . i was laying on the bed next to the bike , and my wife was on the right side of me reading a book or something . i laid there in bed propped up with pillows . i had one arm around my wife and the other arm to my side . i remember looking at my bike being so happy , and each time i thought about my bike i would hold my wife a little tighter . needless to say i didn 't get any that night … nor did i get any for the next few nights . i guess it kind of worked out that i had my bike with me , i got to spend a lot of time thinking about what i said . even to this day , i feel really badly about the grouping my wife with an inanimate things , and often apologize to my wife when i bring up the story . she actually thought it was pretty humorous at the time , and she still does . over the years i think she has actually learned what an honor it is to be top two in my twisted world . leonard published 7 years ago in Uncategorized . Tags : denver homeless , green bike , volunteer 3 it was a perfectly formed line of people that started along the sidewalk of lawerence street and turned past the dirty brick building onto park avenue . if it had been a different crowd with different people , it would have looked like a special night in downtown denver . however , most people know better . most people stay away from this area this time of night , unless they are driving by , on their way to a better place . this is where the homeless and the helpless hang out every day and every night . since it was nearly dinner time the crowd was much larger than the daytime crowd . in the yellowish lighting from the street lights their colors were washed out and appeared like an old faded photograph from the great depression . no smiles , no conversations , no cell phones … no families . tonight was my volunteer night and i arrived as usual on my trusty green town bike . as usual i missed the right street and arrived from a different direction . i found myself having to cut through the line of hungry patrons … " excuse me " … " pardon " … " just one … sec " … " thanks " . just toward the end of the line near my entrance , i found a good " no parking " sign that served as my bike rack . i felt a little uneasy leaving such a pretty bike amongst the vagrants . in reality most of them are not thieves nor are they evil , in fact they are much nicer than your average mall shopper . i didn 't have much choice and i was already late , so i locked my bike and walked away . i had to cut through the line again to get to the entrance of the giant dirty brick building . the door seems quite secure and daunting for some reason . next to the doorbell was a sign that read , " press doorbell for 2 seconds and someone will let you in . " sure enough at the end of the 2 seconds someone opened the door . every time i work here the entire staff seems to be completely different than previous visits . perhaps they are the same i just can 't seem to keep their faces in my head . i guess it goes both ways because for some reason every time i show up i am not instantly recognize as a volunteer . i usually have to answer a few questions before i am allowed to enter . i guess i really need to start looking less homeless . on this night my job was to be the door man . the doorman counts the people coming in and hands them silverware wrapped in a twisted napkin . i 've had many different jobs while volunteering here so each time it 's a surprise . what 's cool about being the doorman is that i got to look everyone in the eye and welcome them to dinner . i greeted each person with " here you go … . enjoy . " after a while i had wished that i didn 't look some of them in the eye ; quite disturbing . you ever look into the eyes of a person that is totally insane ? i don 't know how to explain it except that after it is over , it lingers on for a few seconds and you have to mentally pull yourself back into the moment . as they came through the line one by one i couldn 't help but try to figure out each one . i 'm sure most of them had some tragic story of how misfortune and ill circumstances brought them to this lowest of lows . i could tell how some of them were pretty new at being homeless , i could see that some were career homeless , and i could see how for many there was absolutely no hope for a miraculous turn around . this latter group is perhaps what brought me here in the first place . for the life of me , i just could not figure out some of these guys . one guy looked rather well dress , and in a good state of mind … the only thing i could figure was that for some reason he wanted to come out for a free meal . another guy had the most perfectly shaven head i had ever seen . i don 't know how he did it , with out a home . every year i shave my head around summer time , and i can not keep it cleanly shaven for the life of me … . and i have a home . another younger guy came in looking like dave gahan ( for those of you who don 't know , he is the lead singer for depeche mode ) . this one had on a very long leather - ish looking black coat that went down to his calves . he didn 't talk to anyone and looked around quite a bit , as if he had a song in his head and he was looking around to see if anyone could hear it . then there was the uni - bomber guy . hoodie with mirror finish glasses . this one kind of freaked me out a bit , mostly because i could not see his eyes , and he appeared to always be staring straight ahead , chewing his food for an unnaturally long period of time . finally there was the guy with the sweater vest and tie . he was rather short and stocky and sported long curly dark hair , much like weird al yankovic . he looked like he could have been in some kind of novelty ukulele band that specialized in carnival music . no doubt that this little guy was weird , from his sweater vest and curled locks , to his timid eye shifting glares . he was the very last to leave , never talked to anyone . even as we piled the chairs onto the table around him , he never talked , never smiled . . just sat there looking scared . i don 't really care if the people coming through the door needed food , or appreciated the food they got . they are society 's ultimate outcast . the unwanted , the unloved , the uncared - for . somehow coming to dinner filled something in them . it gave them something to do , or it made them feel cared for , or they just came to hang out with their friends . maybe they just came to meet new people . even though i spent much effort trying to figure it out , the only thing that i really care about is that they did come . it was a long night we served about 330 people . this was much more than previous volunteer nights . i was exhausted and the night air smelled so good , after my 2 hours of duty . i slowly rode my bike back to my car down the dark back streets of denver . leonard published 7 years ago in Uncategorized . 2 i was riding home after an epic ride with some work buddies . i rode from my house to la port colorado right at the base of rist canyon . this is a popular hill for cyclist . i forgot to measure the distance of the climb , but it 's basically 3000 feet in about 10 miles . i could be way off on that , but i don 't have my gps data here with me . all i know for sure is that it was 40 miles from my house to the top of the hill . i was heading home and i was real tired . i was running out of drinks and i had no more food . i still had about 20 miles to go and the sun was going down . normally i don 't care about the dark but on this bike i had no lights or reflectors . i knew i wasn 't going to make it home before dark so i was going to need a little help . the problem was trying to plan where my " crew " would pick me up . i got out my iphone and noticed that the battery icon was in the red . i had maybe 10 minutes left , but if i actually used the phone i 'm sure the phone would have died instantly . so i shut off as many battery wasting things as i could , and proceeded to make my first call . so that little stop to try and get help took about 20 minutes and drained my already dying battery , and i got no where . i quickly got back on my bike and started racing toward home . after a few minutes my phone vibrated once . i thought help was on the way , so i pulled over and got out my phone . it turned out to be a text message from my 15 y / o . why are my kids all over town ? irritated , i powered down the phone and continued my race for light . the sun was going down rapidly and i was pretty tired from the day 's ride , but i was still pushing as hard as i could to get closer to home . i knew i wasn 't going to make it home , but the closer i got to civilization the better i felt . within a couple miles of loveland i decided that i better start trying to get a ride from one of these kind - hearted colorado motorist . i stuck out my thumb and started hitching it . as i slowly rolled through my last couple of miles ; car car car … truck , nothing ! for two miles i tried to hitch a ride , not one person even slowed down ! right when i got into town i remembered that there was a k - mart along the way . i pulled in and tried to find a way to lock my bike . the only thing i could do was tangle my helmet strap around the wheel to try and deter someone from riding my bike away . they could easily remove my helmet , but they would have to take the time to do it , and hopefully i will be done with my shopping by then . i am a mess at this point , i have dried salt all over my face and jacket . i don 't know what my nose looked like , and god knows what my hair was up to . not that i care so much what i look like , but there were lots of people around that looked like they never rode a bike in their lives … . nor did any of them exercise for that matter . i walked into the store , marched over to the bike section … . click , click , click , click ! my cycling cleats , made a lot of noise . people that didn 't even notice me turned to see what all the noise was . i kept marching to the bike stuff . i got there and tried to find something cheap . i did find something cheap alright , but i couldn 't convince myself to buy it . it was a headlight the size of my foot and took 2 d - cell batteries . what the fuck ? the stupid thing probably weighed 3 pounds … . but on the other hand it was only $ 9 . 99 ! well i couldn 't do it because i knew that i would have to throw it away right after i got home … or find some way to mount it on my car or house . i found a little light for 20 dollars … a lot more than i wanted to spend but at least i would use it after today . i also found a tail light that was fairly cheap and got it . click click click … up to the register i marched . as i was at the check - out , a mother and her 10 y / o stood in line behind me . i could see the kid motioning to his mom something , some kind of secret . i knew he was pointing out all the grossness visible that had dried on me and my clothes . sorry k - mart shoppers ! i got out to my bike , and tried to open the hard plastic form fitting wrapper that most things come in these days . you know the kind ? where if you don 't use a box cutter , you end up cutting your hand or crying in frustration , or both ? i wrestled around with the stupid packaging in the cold and dark for a few minutes until i declared victory . a premature victory i might add . it turned out that my tail light needed a battery or two . back into the store i went … . click click … etc . i grabbed some batteries at the end of the register and stood in line . i was second in line , but second , only to the guy with literally 100 cans of cat food ! isn 't there a way to scan one item and then enter the count into the register ? in this case " count " would be 100 ! i 'm guessing not , because the register lady was doing one at a time . she got to about can 73 , when the lane next to me opened . i quickly reached over and gave my stuff to the new register lady … and i was off . anyway , it was a long , arduous and kind of a sketchy ride home . when i got home , i saw my wife 's car in the driveway . wtf ? she said she was home the whole time , and couldn 't get to the phone in time . she tried to call me back but it went straight to voice mail . everyone was acting like things were all normal . i asked if son12 had told everyone about where i was . he didn 't tell anyone . actually he didn 't even know himself … . don 't ask me why he didn 't know , just being a 12 y / o i guess . leonard published 7 years ago in running , Uncategorized . 1 i got out of my car almost ready to run , but i had to stop at the trunk to get out my water holder . i put it on , and it felt like i had gained some weight since my last run . i sucked it in , fastened it up and off i went . started out with a slow nonchalant walk toward the start of the trail … transitioned to a light march … . and finally a slow jog as i entered the trail . it had been a couple of days since i last ran , and i 'm not sure if i had shut down properly the last time i ran , because my legs , arms , and back were all a little stiff . within minutes , the trail became very muddy , forcing my mind to stop thinking about the creaky , stiff , awkward limbs , and to start focusing on just keeping up - right . one of the things they never teach you in running school is how to run up hill in the mud . you can 't run it like a normal up hill . the tendency , at least for me , is to over compensate for the hill by leaning forward and kind of tiptoeing up the hill . the way to do it at least the best way for me is to run as perpendicular as possible to the hill , and to land as flat footed as you can . this way you apply more surface area to the ground . my mud hill technique may seem weird but these slopes are well over 15 % grade , and anything else will surely have you slipping face first into the mud . after about 5 kilometers of mud , snow and rocks , i actually thought of shortening my run . i don 't know why . i think i was just getting a little tired of maneuvering through the terrain . i was also starting to worry about my muddy foot prints and their long term effect on the trail . i kept going because i didn 't have another plan and i always hesitate when it comes to shortening my runs . after a couple more kilos my mind started to think less about the snow , less about the rocks … and more about my breathing , and my posture . i was now running , at a more aggressive pace and the terrain seemed much less intimidating . without even thinking i stepped over and around rocks and ice as if i already knew where they were . i was much smoother and more fluent than earlier and all i could think about was running further and faster . before i knew it , i was 10 kilometers into the run , which should have been the turn around point . i didn 't feel like turning back already . my goal was 20k and i could have easily done it , but i had done the same thing last week . i was feeling much better than last week at this point . so after some careful endorphin induced thought , i decided to take the long way back . this would add about 10 more kilometers to the run . my " plan " was to head out to the other trail head which was next to the highway . if i was hurting by the time i got there , i would hitch a ride back to my car . i had never hitched a ride before but it seemed like something i could do . now that i was committed to my new journey , my mind slipped out of focus a bit . i started to worry if i made a mistake by making my run 30 kilometers . i was also worried about how i was going to ask for a ride . my mind raced around these thoughts for a few more kilometers , until i hit the point of no return . the point at which it would be longer to turn back . at this point all the noises were silenced and i could hear my self breathing once again . and out of no where like a magical spell , i could feel the endorphins kicking in . my goal was clear , i was committed , and feeling perfect . nothing was nagging at me , nothing was distracting me , all i could feel was everything working properly . rare ! i still had one more big hill to climb , before things would flatten out and i could get a feel for my pace and effort . i felt fast … not real fast , i 've been faster , but for where i am in life , this was pretty fast . i did a pace check with my gps several times and found that i was about 7 : 45 / mile pace after 20 kilometers of trail running . at that point i was at the second trail head , and there was no one around to ask for a ride . it didn 't matter , i had decided many kilometers ago that i would get back to my car under my own power no matter what . it 's funny , but this run was not a big deal , no one was watching me , no one even knew i was out running , i could have bagged the whole thing and got a ride to my car . however , when i lock on to something , i lock on . it would have been pretty hard for someone to keep me from finishing this run . i got out to the highway and i was still feeling pretty good . as each kilometer clicked off , i could feel myself not feeling as good . i was still going at a pretty good pace , but now i was struggling a bit just to keep form . all i could think about was my form . i tried to keep my back straight , and keep my arms moving . that 's all i need to focus on when times start getting rough . each stride now seemed a little more difficult than the previous … and each breath seemed to have a little less oxygen . i was running next to traffic and i could feel them approaching and i could feel the gust of wind as they passed . each time i looked over at them i could see the passenger looking back at me . kind of weird for my current state , so i decided to not look at anyone anymore . staring into the vanishing point of the road was a little disheartening , except for the fact that now it seemed far , and my original estimate of distance was probably correct . i was now completely out of water , but the end was near , and i wasn 't worried . i could see my turn - off from the distance . still full of little aches and pains , but trying to keep my form . as i was running up to the parking lot i passed a person walking the other direction . i smiled quite greatly and said hello . i was very happy to be almost done . … and then done . i walked around the parking lot a few times , before opening my car . i stretched for about 10 minutes , and i could feel the stiffness that was causing me discomfort for the last 7 kilometers . my head was light and airy , not completely grounded yet . i think it was later that night when i finally came " down " . leonard published 7 years ago in Uncategorized . 3 every year when i take down our artificial christmas tree from the attic , i always remember that very first year in colorado . that first year when i thought it would be cool to have a real tree . we had real trees before , but we usually bought them from the temporary tree lots in town . the trees were usually cut down long before christmas and rested on the pavement against a chain link fence with scribbled price tag tied to its tip . i really disliked that ritual because it somehow seemed very commercial and less romantic . i naively thought that it would some how be more real christmas - like to have one that we cut down ourselves . i talked the wife into my utopian vision of a perfect christmas , and before long we had researched and found a place that was a little over an hour away . at the time we only had two kids , an 18 month old and a 4 and a half year old , so we dressed them warmly and packed them into my 1983 toyota tecel . the weather was kind of rainy , but as we got closer to the place it quickly turned to light snow . i remember thinking how perfect the conditions were for tree hunting . we stopped at the check in station and pre - paid for our tree and borrowed a saw , since i didn 't have my own . the area was a little disappointing , because for most of the year it was used for harvesting lumber . we could see lots of clear cut patches as we drove up the winding gravel road . we pulled over in one of the bigger pullouts on the side of the road and everyone got out of the car . we were all pretty excited , or maybe it was just me . after all … i had a saw in my hand and it was snowing and we were going to find the perfect tree . we had the 18 month old in the backpack which my wife carried ; we were going to switch off , but somehow i never took a turn … i guess because i was carrying the saw . i was running around with the five year old jumping over logs and bush whacking our way to trees that seem ideal from a distance . this went on for a while but soon my wife got tired and the excitement slowly wore away . we were all pretty cold and went back to the car , disappointed and freezing , trying to figure out our next move . as we sat there in the car warming our hands with the little heater vents , we saw one of the workers doing something near by . at this point i was thinking refund . how can i get my money back , there are no suitable trees here . i went over to talk to the guy and told him that we couldn 't find anything . without thinking he said to go up the road about another mile and there were a bunch of trees there . i went back in the car and relayed the information to my wife . we drove up to the spot he was talking about , and i started to get out of the car . i decided that the wife and kids should stay in the car where it was warm ; i would scout around and call them for approval if i found anything good . up here the snow on the ground was much thicker . i had a much more difficult time moving about . after too long i had found what seemed to be the perfect tree . i walked around it several times making sure it was without defects . after almost 2 hours of looking around and hiking up and down steep hills in very cold and now windy conditions , this tree was looking really good . i ran back to the car full of jubilant excitement and told the family that i found the perfect tree . my wife looked somewhat disbelieving because i had said this a couple times earlier . this time i grabbed the 18 month old and my wife and the 5 yo followed behind cautiously . i crossed the road and stood just at the edge on the snow covered shoulder . i looked back for my lagging family and yelled out " this way ! " i stepped through the snow and started heading into the woods where my perfect tree was waiting for us . after about three steps into the snow i realized that it was not a shoulder , but in fact a ditch that lined this road . a very deep ditch . as i took that one endless step into the ditch i realized i was going to fall . i had my 18 month old in one arm and would have crush him … if my reflexes didn 't take over . as i sank down into the ditch my arms went up . and as my arms went up my child was ejected out of my arms and flew some five feet away into a pillow of soft snow . at least i think it was soft . no matter he cried like crazy . my wife who was cautiously standing back the whole time could not restrain herself from laughing after seeing that the baby was ok . it must have looked crazy funny from where she was . after some confusion i finally found my tree again . i showed her the tree and like any good used car salesman , i had her loving the tree as well . i picked a good place to start sawing and began . the saw blade kept getting bound up and i had to have my wife push one direction as i cut away . the tree finally fell and it was so heavy that it broke a few of its branches on the way down . i guess these " real " trees are a little heavier than the " parking lot " trees . i drug this thing back to my little car and proceeded to put it on top . i stood back and looked at my setup , and it kind of looked like a tree with a car underneath it . you know , like the tree had fallen and crushed my car . i 'm sure it was just an optical illusion . i tied it up and drove off . as i was driving back , and the family was asleep . i started to do a little math . i could see about 4 feet of tree sticking out the back of my car . i could see the tip of the tree passing the nose of my car . this tree was over 20 feet tall ! we have vaulted ceilings in our house but i doubt they are 20 feet tall . it did not fit in our house . not even close . i had to cut almost 4 feet off the bottom , and it was still just barely fit . this thing was almost six feet in diameter , the base of the tree was about 8 inches thick and the bottom row of branches spread almost 6 feet in diameter . i had to build a custom tree stand for this monster , and we had to buy extra decorations since we had never had anything this huge before . this tree was full of bark and it had pretty good sized pine cones all over it , and it dripped tree sap the entire time it stayed in our living room . on christmas day our presents were covered in sticky gooey tree sap . i don 't remember anything that anyone got that year . i hardly remember christmas day for that matter . but some how , the year we had the giant tree , was the most memorable christmas ever . leonard published 7 years ago in running , Uncategorized . Tags : injuries , nose breathing , running , running injury 1 the nose is quite a wonderful thing … i just started using mine about 3 years ago . after reading a book by john douillard " body , mind and sport . " before then i used to breathe only through my mouth . i used to think that that was the only way i could breathe . i have a nasal septum deviation , a slight over bite and some pretty big incisors . i had seen people breathing through their nose but usually not in a workout scenario . john talks about how the nose is the primary breathing apparatus for humans . among other things the nose filters and warms the air before it enters the lungs . the mouth on the other hand is for emergencies , air goes directly to the lungs shunting all other mechanisms the body has for preparing air . by the time this sank in , i was determined to figure out how to nose breathe while i run . it took me quite a few miles but i finally got pretty good at it . in the beginning i used to have to carry a tissue with me , to keep the nasal passages open … and i became an expert at the farmer 's blow . i also use nose breathing when i am recovering from an injury . not only do i feel like more oxygen is flowing through my body making my muscles heal faster … that 's debatable . another reason is that keeps my mind off the injury . it really takes a lot of concentration for me to breathe and run . so i have little or no brain power to focus on anything else . also because it 's so difficult i can only run at a slower more governed pace ( i can 't just run as fast as i want ) . i always have to run a bit slower and steadier , which keeps me from blowing something out . today at lunch i decided to nb for my little 3mile run . i started out at what seemed like a snail 's pace … and slowly picked it up till i found my breathing limit . i figured that i started out at about a 9 or 10 minute pace and worked my way down to about an 8 : 30 pace . that 's not too bad considering i was just out for a jog . also , this was just an estimate , i really didn 't know for sure how fast i was running . until … i turned my gps on and checked my pace . holy shit ! i was running at a 7 : 20 pace ! i didn 't feel that fast . i was still having a little trouble keeping up with the nose breathing but i was able to handle it . as i was running down the path someone yelled at me , " hey , don 't forget to breathe ! " i did forget … . in fact that 's all i could think about . when i got back to work i was so full of endorphins i didn 't feel like sitting at my computer . and after such focused breathing for so long , it transcended the work out to the remainder of the day . since the run , i have only breathed through my mouth while talking … . and " they " tell me , i don 't talk much : ) leonard published 7 years ago in Uncategorized . Tags : homeless , lookng tough , odd jobs , volunteer 1 last week i finished up my volunteer work for the denver rescue mission . i didn 't have any obligation to work there except for the one i imposed upon myself . you see normally i would have been satisfied to put in my one day , call it an experience and be done with it . however , in this case there are are several reason why i wanted to make this a regular event . the first reason is that i really want to help the homeless . the first day i was more of a liability to them . i didn 't know what to do , how to do it , where things go , or when things happen . i had to ask every little thing . kind of annoying for the people that manage us , but they are used to it i guess . … judging by the way they so gracefully micromanage us volunteers . after observing round after round of noobs each time i volunteered , i don 't think it was just me that needed minute by minute guidance . back when i did my first day , i naively assumed that the volunteers participated in an egalitarian society , everyone had more or less the same job , no favorites no rankings . after my second visit i quickly learned that filling water cups was for the ' green " . most first timers have to fill these water cups and place them on a cart , so they can hand them out when the lines starts . funny thing about these cups , they are corporate coffee mugs , left over from the dot com bust . lots of unknown company logos adorn the sides of these ceramic artifacts from a different culture ( a culture that i am way too familiar with ) . one thing that can be said about all the volunteers , is that they seem genuinely happy ( unlike the corporate world ) . it must be because they feel like they are doing something worth while and making a difference . so as a five time veteran of volunteering i pretty much know what is going on at this place . i know more or less , what needs to be done , and how to do it . i 've fill the water cups , filled the trays , handed out the trays , cleared the tables , wiped the tables , and helped in the kitchen . there are not many jobs that i am unfamiliar with these days . we had a full staff of volunteers this time , and mike started giving out the assignments . as the new people were given their jobs , i started to wonder if there would be enough jobs to go around . he already handed out all the jobs that i was familiar with , so when it was my turn , i was pretty excited to think that i was going to get something new . he turned and pointed to me and said , i need you to do something for me . he then walked over to me and explained what my new job was going to be . it turns out that the mission is having a little problem with the homeless leaving at different times . ideally if everyone would eat at the same time they could leave at the same time . however due to the buffet style lines , some people would start eating much earlier than the guys at the end of the line . this would cause some guys to get bore and ask for seconds , or just take off . in order to correct this , the denver rescue mission was trying a " dining room " style eating . everyone would sit down and get served at more or less the same time . this way they could eat and finish at the same time . the end of dinner was 7 : 30 and everyone was required to stay seated until that time . so my job , was to be the house security or " bouncer " if you will . i would stand at the door looking tough and keep people from exiting before 7 : 30 . i 've been to way too many concerts and events where the power hungry ill equipped security guards detour the crowds with terse arrogant directions … " don 't stand there " , " stay behind the line " , " this exit is closed " … etc . today was my turn and i was naively excited to get this job . the minute all the food was handed out i marched over to " my " assigned door . i was instructed to try and talk people into staying and to not use force no matter what . i was also instructed to not try too hard to keep people in , it might make them angry . so there i stood with an eager look on my face , quite unfitting for the task at hand . with little or no attention payed to me , the first homeless guy walked past my guard . at that moment i realized that i was going to have to look a little tougher . i looked around and studied some of the other guys doing the same job . these other guys were quite a bit harder than me . they were former addicts and were actually going through the rehabilitation program at the mission . they somehow got off the streets and came into the shelter to get help . most of them were quite tough looking , as they stood there , mad dogging every homeless person thinking about heading their way . hmm … i could do that . i straightened up my apron , rolled up my sleeve so my tattoo would show ( note : my tattoo is of a bicycle ) , and stared off into the distance like i was looking out the bottom of my nose . since i was the only one guarding a door that led to the outside , most of the homeless headed my direction . … then they would counter my questions , by just walking out . buy the end of the evening i had turned back three guys , and let two go , and only one got out of hand . he was trying to get out by saying he had permission . other bouncers came over to help out , and just made the guy really mad . he started yelling at them … and finally we just let him go . apparently the other homeless guy don 't like this guy either . he is annoying to them as well . we all laughed about it afterward . no matter what the group , there is always at least one ass hole . it 's ok , though it brought me a little closer , to the people i was trying to help . at the end of the evening i went to the back room to get my stuff so i could go . there were two female volunteers there getting ready to leave as well . i didn 't get a chance to meet them earlier so i introduced myself . after our short intros , they said , " you looked pretty intimidating out there " it was a great night anyway . i would have rather handed out the food , but i 'm glad i didn 't . most people can not say they were a " bouncer " at the homeless shelter .
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Kelly , not a word of a lie . . . I didn 't do the job but , I saw the piece taken out of the car . It was a late 70 's early 80 's Toyota in for a door skin . The tech pulled the inner door panel and the back of the existing door skin said " Pepsi " . . . The owner claimed he had the car from new and it never had been hit . I can 't see Toyota using recycled Pepsi signs , ( Coke Okay . . . not Pepsi . . . LOL ) but I saw the back of the door skin . Your so right Kelly , without there being anything solid for the glass to stick to , eventually it will fall off . This car had a life expectancy of 6 months tops . . . we already had another project in the works when he got his license . Legally , if it 's not structural there isn 't a problem , it 's no different than having a molded scoop made for the hood and using body panel adhesive to hold it on . . . some people might say that that 's custom . . . but , shape a door skin out of the same material and that 's wrong or illegal . . . no . . . as long as it 's done for the right reasons , all involved know and again , the structural integrity of the vehicle has not been effected . . . what 's the difference . It 's the moral issue to do this to an unsuspecting customer and then this would be just wrong , morally wrong . Ray the illegal part comes into play when the sign is stolen to be used as a patch . Apparently the DMV doesn 't care if you needed a door skin and that stop sign was just down the street lol . Kelly A few years back I had to haul an old classic car for a friend of mine to one of his friends place that had quite a collection of cars . While I was unloading this car another fellow came out and started talking about this guys collection . Appartently he had a couple of guys working on his wifes 70 VW bug conv . right there on the property in a decent size private shop . Well he asked me how much paint do you think think these guys used on this bug conv . ( no roof ) and it was single stage green / teal metallic . I said to him mabey 3 quarts or so . He started laughing and said do you know how much they actually used " I said I don 't know , how much " to my shock he said 4 GALLONS . I said 4 gallons , how can that be ? Then I walked in there to see it , and could not beleive how bad it was , the mottling was so bad that it looked like marble . Dry spray everywhere , and they had sprayed the rear floor seat area , that had looked like they hauled loam in it and did not bother to clean it out before spraying right over all the dirt . From what I could see that paint had to be almost 1 / 8 inch thick in some spots , from so many attempts at re spraying . Don 't know what ever happened with that car or if it was ever straightened out . A few years back I had to haul an old classic car for a friend of mine to one of his friends place that had quite a collection of cars . While I was unloading this car another fellow came out and started talking about this guys collection . Appartently he had a couple of guys working on his wifes 70 VW bug conv . right there on the property in a decent size private shop . Well he asked me how much paint do you think think these guys used on this bug conv . ( no roof ) and it was single stage green / teal metallic . I said to him mabey 3 quarts or so . He started laughing and said do you know how much they actually used " I said I don 't know , how much " to my shock he said 4 GALLONS . I said 4 gallons , how can that be ? Then I walked in there to see it , and could not beleive how bad it was , the mottling was so bad that it looked like marble . Dry spray everywhere , and they had sprayed the rear floor seat area , that had looked like they hauled loam in it and did not bother to clean it out before spraying right over all the dirt . From what I could see that paint had to be almost 1 / 8 inch thick in some spots , from so many attempts at re spraying . Don 't know what ever happened with that car or if it was ever straightened out . I was doing my usual Paint Rep job and this customer walked into the store and ordered a gallon of green base coat . I thought to my self , a gallon , must be a big job and didn 't give it much more thought . A couple of weeks or so go by and at 7 : 30 in the morning , this same customer is waiting in the parking lot for us to open . I remembered him just from the shear amount of base coat he bought so I invited him in to see if I could help him out . He told me he wanted another gallon of this green base coat . I looked at him kind of strange and asked what he was painting that would take 2 gallons of base . He told me that this was the 3rd gallon , he had picked up the 2nd a few days earlier and he was painting a Nova . When I got to his garage , the floor was green , the walls where green , the roof was green . . . he showed me the inside of his house where he had garage access , it was green . The only thing that was green on the car was the underneath of the deck lid . How everything else got painted and not the car , I don 't know , I can 't figure that out to this day . We mixed up another 2 1 / 2 quarts and I painted the car . While I was painting the car , he said " the compressor wasn 't running nearly as often when I painted compared to the last guy . " I can see running a paint gun wide open , with full pressure but , 2 gallons for the inside of a deck lid . . . like I said , I still can 't figure it out . . . LOL well . . i can 't wait any longer . . . gotta post here . . lol ! Anyway , my clear for sealer process is one of the lesser evils i have performed . Once , while working at another shop , we had a 69 camaro come in . Car needed a little spot work here and there and one " small " rust area fixed on the uni - body frame rail just behind the axle on the drivers side . We did the spot blends and then attacked the rust below . I crawled under and started tapping with a hammer just to get an idea how much rust we had . After a few seconds , it was apparent that the frame rail was non - existent from the rear bumper to the upper part of the bend over the axle . I asked the shop owner what he wanted to do , so he called the owner of the car . The owner said , " i already have a buyer , i don 't care if you build it with cardboard and bondo . . . just get it done " . So , per the owners request there is now a 69 camaro running around with cardboard and bondo for a frame rail . After the undercoating you couldn ; t tell it wasn 't factory . On the way home , i promised myself that i would never do that again ! Somebody , somewhere will haul their family in that death trap ! I 'd rather lose the job than worry about stuff like that . Then on another occasion at the same shop , we had a customer with a 61 ' impala rag top that was ruff ! ! We cut up 9 different cars to make that one solid ( not saying that any wrong was done here . . . we used solid metal to replace rusty metal and it was done right . . . just thought someone might get a kick from the thought of 10 bads ones making one good one ) That car eventually made the cover of lowrider magazine and he turned down a $ 90 , 000 offer . And finally , here at my shed , i painted a car lot special and ran the clear awful bad . ( i mean realllllly bad ) I was already aggravated at the thought of not really making any money on the job and had hoped for a one shot deal . You know ' time is money " , and all that . So , as i stared at the runs thinking it would be atleast a day or two before i could sand and repaint . . . i had the genus idea the flow the runs out with thinner ! Off to the thinner can we go ! A few coats later and we 're back to square one . I rebased and recleared the truck and would you believe it turned out awesome . God must ' a knew i 'd throw a match to the shop if it didn 't come out good the second time ! There had to be divine intervention . . . no other way it could have worked ! Anyway , thanks for the thread . . . i been roll ' n in the floor . Ya 'll have a great night ! I gotta say , every time one of you guys post . . . it brings back memories . . . some good , some . . . memories . About 10 years ago , the fellow I was working with on another project had a wife . . . now , that in in itself isn 't strange , unless you met the guy . . . this guy was one of those one dimensional brains . . . you know , really excel at one thing and just sucked at virtually everything else . Great guy , just dumb when it came to things like medication . He suffered from hemrrhoids and the doctor perscribed suppositories . . . after taking them , he was upset and exclaimed to me ' These damn things don 't work , as far as I 'm concerned they can shove them up their butt " . . . honestly , he was swallowing them . . . he also lacked many social skills and that 's why I felt that I needed to point out that he had a Wife . On a fine Friday afternoon I got a phone call from his wife asking me if I would help her buy a car as her husband , well , he wasn 't good at cars either . I agreed and asked her what kind of car she was looking for , she said she would like a newer model of a Camaro or Firebird . . . Now I was really in . I looked through local newspapers , online and called several reputable car lots and found 5 vehicles that fit her price range and was ready to go test driving . I called her and told her that we had 5 different possibilities and when would it be convenient to go shopping . She informed me that her and my buddy , her husband had already bought a car . I was disappointed but figured alright . Two weeks to the day I got another phone call from my buddy 's wife and asked if I could adjust the door . . . it was hard to close . Bells went off , Red flags went up but , I told her I would look at the car . I got to see the car for the first time , a 5 year old White 1998 Camaro LT1 . I looked at the door and it did seem a little hard to close so I thought it may have been in an accident at one time or another and I would just gently lift up on the door so that i could get better alignment with the striker . The entire door support and A pillar moved . The car was rusted to the point that the doors where ready to fall off . I took the car to the shop and out it on the hoist . The floor , the sub - frame , the rear frame rails where rusted so bad when I tapped on them with a ball peen hammer , it put holes in the floor . I asked where she bought the car and she mentioned the used car dealers name . We immediately went down for a visit . The owner was rude and said that a little surface rust was nothing to worry about and to just drive the car . I told him that when I checked the frame rails and the floor with a ball peen hammer , it put holes in the floor and it wasn 't safe . He went ballistic on me , telling me that I had a lot of nerve , damaging a perfectly good car and coming back in for warranty . . . and to get out . I very politely said no , I was staying until we got satisfaction . He then told me that the car had been certified and passed the safety with flying colors . . . ( this was in a Province with government insurance and all used vehicles needed to pass a safety test before they could be registered at the DMV . I asked which shop certified the car and I needed to see the certification . He then told me that he didn 't have it because he gave it to the DMV to get it registered and couldn 't remember which particular shop they had used for this car . The day came , we all met at the shop that did the certification , the car was put on the hoist and looked at by all parties involved . I couldn 't believe my ears when the adjuster spoke up and said , " the car does have some rust but nothing structural , car looks good to me " . . . I lost it , I asked the adjuster if they had medical benefits at his place of employment because if they did , he wasn 't getting full value for the optical plan . He started getting a tad rude and said " Ray , Ray , how long have you been in the business , I 've been in it for over 35 years and I know that when a car starts to rust one of the most common areas is the front bumper because of rock chips " , he struggled to find a rock chip to show me that there wasn 't any rust . I looked at him and said , " I haven 't been in the business nearly as long as you have but , when I went to school to get my ticket , I was taught that plastic didn 't rust , but if we open the door , there is rust . " We where told that there wasn 't anything that could be done and it was a buyer beware situation . Long story short , we took the Government Insurance Company , the Used Car Dealer and the shop that did the safety to court , provided an estimate from a leading body shop that said the car was not fit to be on the road and even sudden braking or acceleration could twist or break the frame , the impact zones on the vehicle would not withstand the slightest collision ( The shop stopped estimating at $ 10 , 000 in repairs ) and got the full purchase price of the car back plus damages . The adjuster got fired for being in cahoots with the dealership and the shop that did the inspection on the car and we went car shopping and got a real one . For a 5 year old car , this was the worst rust I 've ever seen . Preachermans post brings up a good point on fixing rusted structural points the " correct " way as I had a bad experience with this at a dragstrip . Several years back I had wanted to pick up a cheap first gen camaro to take to the strip and have some fun with , as I had been out of it for a while . So I found a 68 reasonably priced and I had a whole drivetrain ready to go in it anyway . Car seemed pretty solid with floor pans installed at some point , so I set the car up with a mild 300 horse 350 and went racing . First few weekends out things went well , it was a low 13 second car , not super fast , but fun . Then one weekend I went up to the track with another friend who had a much faster car , it was a friday night and I was having trouble keeping the car straight down the track . It had never done this before and was getting a little worse as the night went on . I had asked my friend if he was having problems with the track being a little slick , but he was ' nt as this is what I had figured the problem was . I checked tires , pressure , everything seemed o . k . and tight . The next day I went back started making passes and it was still doing the same thing . Then I made a run and shifting into 4 th gear the car went really squirrly at about 85 mph , had to fight to keep from losing it and was pretty scary . At the end of the track one of the crew guys told me to report directly to the tech shack as they wanted to look the car over . Well after that pass the car was not going back out on the track no matter what . I go back to the shack and get out of the car to find the driver side tire almost rubbing the front of the rear quarter , the whole rear end shifted in the car . I then had noticed the bottom of the rear seat did not look right , seemed to high on the driver side . I get in the car take out the rear seat and saw something unbeleivable . The floor pan was never welded in this car it had only been fiber glassed in place , the entire front spring shackle mount was sticking up through the floor pan about 10 inches , it had ripped right t # 39 ( permalink ) 08 - 26 - 2013 , 07 : 51 PM man . . i 'm glad you didn 't get hurt bad with a mess like that ! See , thats what i 'm saying . . . when your talking structure and safety theres no room to cut corners ! So many carlot guys and even resto guys as well will do whatever it takes to hide to issue long enough to sell the car . Its pitiful . . . all i know is that i 'm not doing it anymore ! There out there and it happens even if your insurance is paying . Even as recent as several years ago when I was making my regular visit to a shop . I saw a technician . . . well , I saw a guy doing a repair while the car was on a frame machine that I couldn 't believe it . The frame was so badly damaged the sub frame should have been replaced . It was a relatively new vehicle at the time and I felt insurance should have replaced the frame . I went to the owner and asked why the frame wasn 't being replaced . He told me that the insurance had allowed for it and it should be but his frame guy felt he could straighten it . There was filler on that frame hiding a multitude of sins . After the car was done , the door gaps where pathetic , even the windshield trim wouldn 't go back on properly , yet the customer accepted the vehicle and it 's out there on the streets , dog tracking and sharing the same road as your car and mine . Now , did the shop bill the insurance company for a new sub frame ? I don 't know , the insurance company doesn 't check every receipt or follow up with inspections on every repair . . . on this one they should have . I wouldn 't have accepted that repair under any circumstance . Dad used to fix alot of total loss cars for a dealer out here and i can say with confidence and first hand experience . . " 90 % of the time , if it needs pulling , it needs replacing " . Replacing the bent frame or inner structure is almost always quicker . Always safer for the buyer and always a better repair . Most of the time when a car is pulled back into shape and gets new sheet metal , it will look great for a while . . . then you see it in 5 years and all the gaps are off , it drives crooked and nothing shuts right . . . i personally think that the metal looses it strength when straightened . Think about it . . . the strength of the original , non - compromised metal is reduced on impact . . . then reduced again when straightened . I would much rather just replace it with new parts and you know your at least as good as factory . Dad used to fix alot of total loss cars for a dealer out here and i can say with confidence and first hand experience . . " 90 % of the time , if it needs pulling , it needs replacing " . Replacing the bent frame or inner structure is almost always quicker . Always safer for the buyer and always a better repair . Most of the time when a car is pulled back into shape and gets new sheet metal , it will look great for a while . . . then you see it in 5 years and all the gaps are off , it drives crooked and nothing shuts right . . . i personally think that the metal looses it strength when straightened . Think about it . . . the strength of the original , non - compromised metal is reduced on impact . . . then reduced again when straightened . I would much rather just replace it with new parts and you know your at least as good as factory . And my favorite quote to this day " whatever you do , don 't loosen a bolt on this car . I twill fly apart like a broke banjo string . " hahaha Dad used to fix alot of total loss cars for a dealer out here and i can say with confidence and first hand experience . . " 90 % of the time , if it needs pulling , it needs replacing " . Replacing the bent frame or inner structure is almost always quicker . Always safer for the buyer and always a better repair . Most of the time when a car is pulled back into shape and gets new sheet metal , it will look great for a while . . . then you see it in 5 years and all the gaps are off , it drives crooked and nothing shuts right . . . i personally think that the metal looses it strength when straightened . Think about it . . . the strength of the original , non - compromised metal is reduced on impact . . . then reduced again when straightened . I would much rather just replace it with new parts and you know your at least as good as factory . Ray . you would cringe if you only knew the whole story on some of those jobs . The dealer would do some of the craziest things to try and save a penny . He would buy a fender that was damaged at the back and one damaged at the front and cut them in half , then weld the good ends together to make one good fender . Oh I could go on for days about the things he would do or want done . Kelly I 've seen a few things that would make most people cringe . I saw a , again I hate calling them Body men or technicians , how I saw a guy . . . repair a hole in a quarter panel ( he hole got there by a 2 X 4 coming off of a truck and went through the quarter ) with an 8 inch stick it with short strand fiberglass in the middle of it and he slapped it on the quarter , let it set up , then he pulled the stick it off , the fiberglass was shaped to the quarter and he leveled it off with an air board , primed it and it went to paint . This was 2 year old car .
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So , I was reading over some of my blogs and sometimes I come off as really juvenile and immature . Which is pretty sad for someone who sees 30 coming up the road in the not too distant future . I was utterly amazed when my friends starting getting married because I feel too young to be doing something like that . And when they start having babies , I think I 'm really going to lose it . So , forgive me if I come off more as someone acting her shoe size than her age . I hope I come off as more mature in person . Greg reminded me today of the word I made up a few years ago . I think I was probably about 22 or 23 . I got really drunk off of dirty martinis . I had never been that drunk before so it was definitely new for me . I eventually blacked out or something because the next thing I knew my boyfriend ( now ex - ) was leaning over me talking to me . I took his face in my hands and tried to talk to him but strange words were coming out of my mouth . It made me giggle because I couldn 't make myself understood . He carried me to bed and tucked me in and I told him he was being a very good " sevenger . " Erik always assumed that I was smarter than he was so he just figured that was a word he didn 't know . I knew in my drunken stupor that that wasn 't the word I was trying to say but I couldn 't get out the appropriate word . Erik finally gave up trying to figure it out and wrote down the word to ask me what it meant the next day . Of course , there is no word " sevenger . " I made it up . We decided that it would mean someone who takes care of you when you are drunk or otherwise incapacitated . Not just a designated driver but also someone who puts you to bed , gives you water and aspirin , takes out your contacts etc . For awhile , my friends decided to try and get " sevenger " in the dictionary . But I think we will have to settle for using it within our group . So , when appropriate , try to incorporate the word " Sevenger " into your vocabulary . Wow . I started this blog talking about how immature I sound and look what I ended up talking about . I 'm not really raising the level , am I ? So , I was interested in SUGAR IN THE RAW 's latest blog and thought I 'd take a quiz to find out where I fall politically . In quizzes where Independent is not a choice , I fall to Democrats . In quizzes where it IS a choice , I fall with the Independents . I have joined the Democratic party because right now other parties like the Green Party don 't have enough voice to really change things . But I consider myself an Independent . Your stance on the issues makes you more of an independent , meaning you side with different parties depending on the issues . There are numerous political parties in the U . S . , including the environmentalist Green Party , the laissez - faire Libertarian Party and Ross Perot 's Reform Party , all of which have had candidates make strong showings in elections and even win office - - but they tend to appeal to a much smaller segment of the electorate . Comment So , I just couldn 't face another night at home so I went to the mall and saw " 13 Going on 30 . " Now , I 'm not the type of person to like cutsy stuff , but I really enjoyed it . The woman in the movie was my age and grew up in the 80 's so it was really nostalgic . And I liked the message . It 's no Academy award contender but it definitely made me feel good . All about being confident at 30 and happy with who you are . And since I 'm upping the cheese factor today , I thought I 'd add this quote from a song I like . But it 's an embarrassing artist so I won 't tell you who it is . If you recognize it , then you are just as cheesy as I am . Anyway , I thought this described me pretty well . So , I think I may have to kill my co - worker . She always tries my patience because she is SO SLOW and doesn 't seem to know how to do anything . She constantly has to ask about library policy and how to do things even though she has been at the library six months longer than I have ! And she gets completely bogged down with one customer so her co - worker at the desk has to handle EVERYONE else ! If we didn 't work together , I 'd probably like her a lot but as a co - worker she is driving me crazy ! I tried to help her out with a customer today because she was fumbling around in her usual confused haze and then she yelled at me in front of the customer ! She has been allowed to teach an ESL class in addition to her normal duties ( which she can barely handle ) and she turns the hour class into a two - hour fiasco every Wednesday night . Leaving me to take up the slack . And I am sick of it . If I complain , I will just be written off as short - tempered Amy complaining again . I am going to do everything I can to avoid her . Wednesdays nights we are along together , though . This could get really ugly . Wish I had another job lined up . So , it 's early Sunday evening . Almost time for the " Sopranos . " It 's strange how quickly one 's life can change . I was often slightly irritated at having to give up some of my alone time to be with someone else . Now everything is to quiet . I am trying to fill my time with books and movies . I try to read four books a month . I just finished my fifth for April today . You could say I have a lot of time on my hands . The phone doesn 't even ring . At least with Bill , I knew I 'd speak to him at least once a day . Now , I can go for a day or two without even speaking . Unless I talk to Toulouse . Of course , I have no voice right now due to my illness so I couldn 't talk on the phone anyway . And my time will fill again once my various memberships start picking up . It 's just strange and a little sad . Hard to get used to . I should be doing useful things like cleaning my house , organizing my closet , working out or scrapbooking . But right now , all I feel like doing is laying in bed reading . This too shall pass . It will just take a little time . Comment So , the days after my breakup haven 't been too hard . I have plenty to keep me busy and distracted . But the nights . . . . they are so hard . I got off work at 9pm last night and found myself looking at my cell phone expecting Bill to call . He would always call me right after I got off work . But the phone never rang . And my house was deathly quiet . It made it hard for me to sleep . I have always had problems with awful nightmares . But since I 've been with Bill , they had virtually gone away . If I ever had a bad dream , I could reach out my arm and touch him and feel comforted . But now I reach out and there is nothing there . Just space . How long will it take me to get used to this ? So , it 's cold and raining outside . And I love it ! I wish I could be home in bed right now with Toulouse and a book . But I 'm stuck at work until 9pm . How depressing . A semi - athletic well - educated nerd with well - formed senses of humor and adventure . Preferably a liberal , secular humanist and practicing Christian . ( tall and aged 29 - 35 a plus ) I just want to clarify something . I do NOT feel my life is empty without a partner . I see my life as this really cool puzzle . The kind you only find at specialty puzzle stores . The more I fit the pieces together , the happier I am with the end result . It isn 't always easy to get it to fit together right . And sometimes , I worry that I have too MANY pieces . But it seems to be coming out all right . And most of the time , I 'm quite proud of my puzzle . I like the challenges and intricacies of it . Even though it may frustrate and confuse me at times and give me a headache . To the point that I just want to knock it across the room . But mostly , I enjoy it and I 'm proud of it . I may get to the end of it and there will be one small missing piece to mar the overall picture . That missing piece may be a partner . Or it may be the perfect job . Or something else . But that doesn 't necessarily take away from the rest of the image . I 'd just like to have a complete puzzle . You know what I mean ? It just looks better . But I 'm still pretty comfortable with how my puzzle is turning out . I have some terrific friends in the picture as well as a great home and family and pet and car and interests / hobbies . Lots of great pieces in my puzzle . How 's that for a metaphor ? Simile ? I 'm trying to keep myself amused today so I don 't think about my life . This guy has a terrific blog full of fun websites . I especially liked making my own Talking Head . I 'm sorry I haven 't been keeping up with my blog lately . My life has seemed to be spiraling out of control lately . I 've been sick of body and sick of spirit . The body illness is a bad cold that is moving into my chest . The spirit illness is knowing that Bill and I were falling apart . And we were . We ended things last night . It had been coming for awhile but it is never easy . It isn 't a question of love . We both love each other . But we have too little in common to make a future together . We both want different things . And that is really hard to have to admit when it means giving up someone you love . But it could only end badly . It will be a horrible transition for me after having been with him for a year and a half . The thought of facing that sort of crushing loneliness again makes me want to crumple into a ball on the floor . I would like to hide from the world for a few days . Just stay in my bed with Toulouse and some books and DVDs . But I fear I would live in my head too much . As it is , I didn 't get any sleep last night . So , I am looking to work for a distraction . It 's not working great so far . And , like my friend Frank , I am feeling a lot of anger towards God . I 'm still waiting for an answer to all my prayers . And maybe it will come in a form I don 't recognize . But right now , I 'd like to know what the hell I 'm doing wrong ! I am so frustrated . Maybe I just need to recognize that I am meant to be alone . And make my peace with it once and for all . As a character in AGE OF INNOCENCE said , " I do not mind being alone as long as my friends keep me from being lonely . " And luckily , I have plenty in my life to fill up time and space . So , I think I 'll get things figured out eventually . So , I 'd like to talk about heroes today because my mind is still on the Alamo . I know many Texans will be bothered by the new " Alamo " film because it dispenses with many of the legends that we hold dear . Davy Crockett does not go down fighting in a blaze of glory . Travis does not draw a line in the sand and Bowie doesn 't have himself carried over it . Emily Morgan ( the Yellow Rose of Texas ) isn 't shown distracting Santa Anna with her . . . um . . . girly bits at San Jacinto . And Sam Houston is depicted not as a military vistionary but a drunkard . But does this make the men and women of the Texas revolution any less heroes ? I don 't think so . I read somewhere once that to set up our heroes as perfect does everyone a disservice . It makes your average person think that he or she cannot rise to heroic levels . Any hero you can think of has some dark secret or flaw . For example , Martin Luther King , Jr . was an adulterer . Does that make his contribution any less significant ? No . Is it a little disappointing ? Yes . We would like our heroes to be perfect . But if they were , how could we ever become heroes . Do you think the brave men and women who rushed in to help on 9 / 11 were perfect ? No . They were ordinary people who were driven to extraordinary actions . We can be heroes too . I went to a benefit last night for the Rape Awareness and Assistance Program . It was really good . I love stuff like that . And I actually won something . A keg of beer from the Wynkoop Brewery . Now I 'll just have to decide how to use it . So , I had a fairly decent Easter . The sun came out even though it was cold and I actually made it inside the sanctuary this year by going half an hour early . My pastor gave a really great sermon . I always grumble about going to church but when I get there , I 'm always really happy to be there . There is just something so comforting about being in church around all the familiar rituals . I spent a lovely evening with my friends , Amy and Greg . They always serve great food at their house and the conversation is always good . We are such nerds we actually spent some time reading the dictionary . I think we all have a fondness for words . I did make it over to the theater to see " The Alamo " and I was mighty disappointed . It could have been a great film . One that inspired all Americans . But instead , it was a mass of confusion that offered no historical context . Even Texans familiar with Texas history could be confused . ( and if you grow up in Texas , you are required to have a year of Texas history in 7th grade ) Without explaining why the Alamo was important or any of the historical background of the war , it made it seem like a bunch of random ruffians ended up in a mission together and died there . It 's a real shame because it is such a heroic story . Even when you chop out the parts of legend . As much I love all the legends surrounding the Alamo , part of me thinks it is better to present those men as they were . Just simple rough men out to make a new life for themselves . They weren 't perfect . But they were courageous and they all believed in the same dream . It makes me teary - eyed just thinking about it . Hope y ' all had a good Easter , too . So , the new " Alamo " movie opens tonight . I 'd really like to go home , put on my cowgirl boots and my Texas t - shirt and head over to the theater . But it has been rainy and cold all day and it may start snowing soon . They are predicting 3 - 5 inches . That is lousy Easter weather if you ask me . I may end up just going home and heading to bed early with a book . " I want a man who stands beside me . Not in front of or behind me . Give me two arms that wanna hold me , not own me , and I 'll give all the love in my heart . " I really like that . That is exactly what I have been looking for . Unfortunately , I 've had men who want to stand in front of me quite often . I am too independent for that and one of my greatest fears is being forced into a housewife role . And right now , I 'm with someone who sort of stands behind me . Content to let me be in the forefront and control everything . That 's not particularly great either . My friend Greg says I 'm just too independent . It 's hard for me to let anyone in or to give up control in the least . I hate that . Maybe I 'm just strong - willed . Or maybe it 's being an only child . But I certainly wasn 't raised to be submissive or shrinking . I am opinionated , outspoken , and ( lately ) quick to anger . But I am also loyal , loving , generous and ( sometimes ) fun - loving . It makes for a weird combination . I watched " House of Sand and Fog " last night . Lots of people told me it wasn 't that great but I found it very moving . I felt sympathy for all of the characters . ( Except that loser sheriff guy ) And it was absolutely heartbreaking . No one was really in the wrong and yet a series of tragic events took place . It wasn 't like there was one evil bad person to root against . In some ways , it reminded me of " Dirty Pretty Things " because it deals with some of the challenges that immigrants face . It must be so hard . So , if you are in the mood for something emotionally hardcore , watch " House of Sand and Fog . " Comment I love Easter . I really do . Especially when there is beautiful spring weather outside . Easter for me is definitely a time of renewal and rebirth . If I have done things right , I will have spent some quality time with God throughout Lent . And then I get to really celebrate in church on Easter Sunday . This is very un - Christianlike of me but I get so irritated when I can 't get into my own sanctuary on Easter Sunday . All these people you never see throughout the church year suddenly show up . My pastor calls them " C and E Christians . " ( Christmas and Easter ) It 's nice that these people come to church on Easter but I hate it that I go year - round and then can 't get inside on Easter . Maybe they should have reserved seating for those of us who go year round . That would be a nice perk for all those Sundays I spent teaching . Growing up , my parents always made Easter special . I remember having baskets full of Easter books and small toys . And going on Easter egg hunts . And dressing up in a new Easter dress for church . One year , my aunt even made hundreds of egg people , each with a distinct personality . I loved those egg people ! I acted out involved stories with them . And then my friend Ellen just reminded me of an Easter I spent with her and my parents having brunch at the beautiful Hyatt Hill Country during college . That was such a great day ! The past few years , I have organized an Easter picnic in the park with friends . We 've potlucked it and then played volleyball and badminton and even flew kites . It has been a fun event but this year I 'm still so bummed by New Year 's that I 'm not planning anything . I hope Easter won 't be a bust this year because I really look forward to it . But in my experience , if I don 't plan something myself , nothing will happen . Whew ! I can 't believe it is Tuesday already ! This past Sunday , I played Mary Magdalene for three hours at church . We have an Easter walk where kids and adults walk through different rooms depicting different scenes of Holy Week from Palm Sunday to the Empty Tomb . In each room , they hear a brief story from a costumed character and receive a small memento . I was in charge of the Empty Tomb . I had a different group every 5 - 10 minutes . I was exhausted by the time it was over . So , I have a though for you women out there . Maybe this experience is unique to me but it always seems like women tend to pick up the interests of their partners and not vice versa . Women always seem to be really good about trying to get involved in their partner 's interests and hobbies . But men never seem to do the same . These are the following interests I have tried to pick up / pursue through men I have dated : I do these things in an attempt to share my partner 's interests and to become closer . And because I really like to learn new things . But the people I date have never seemed to have any real interest in learning about my hobbies . Except for Nick . He was willing to read whatever I suggested and even attended a Richard Leakey lecture with me . But that was rare . Men seem to just take for granted that women will follow along with their interests . My friend Anna , for example , is learning French for her boyfriend and is trying to learn more about racing cars since that is what he is into . Why do we always have to be the ones to take up the other person 's interests ? When will I date a guy who starts getting into politics , museums and art films to know me better ? It 's kind of irritating . So , I 'm back from Amy 's " Back to my Roots " tour of Texas . I hadn 't realized how much I really miss Texas . When I stepped off the plane in Austin , I heard country music playing and the smell of barbecue filled the air . I nearly wept . I have never associated Texas with cowboys , horses , boots and country music . To me , that was always a crazy stereotype made up by Yankees . I just never saw that growing up . But I guess those things are a part of Texas . My mom 's new place looks great . It 's really coming along . I had a chance to meet my " aunt 's " new kids . A pair of adorable African - American children she adopted last year . One 9 - yr - old girl and a nearly 11 - yr - old boy . I hope they can come visit me in Colorado . Mom took me to a very funny current events revue called " Esther 's Follies . " If you are ever in Austin , check them out ! After the show , we went next door to the Velveeta Room for a little comedy . It was awful ! Don 't ever go there . We actually got harassed by one of the comics whose humor was beyond offensive . The next day we headed to San Antonio and ended up getting in the middle of the world premiere of the " Alamo " movie . Dennis Quaid was about four feet away from us . And we saw scruffy old Billy Bob Thornton . I still can 't believe he gave up Angelina ! We had lots of Mexican food and even had time to see " Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind . " I liked it but Mom thought it was too weird . I thought it was pretty predictable but creative . I have wisdom to share with you from my trip . On Friday , I paid for lunch at a restaurant with my debit card . I didn 't notice until Sunday that the restaurant had given me someone else 's debit card instead of mine . They both looked exactly the same . Luckily , the other guy hadn 't used mine . I cancelled it in time . But it took me that long to notice . Always make sure that businesses give you back YOUR card and not someone else 's . While in Texas , I stocked up on items that brought me back to my roots . A new pair of brown cowboy boots . A beautiful embroidered Western shirt . Some jalapeno jelly and special salsa . Things that will keep me in touch with Texas . Welcome to Life by Candlelight . This is the home of the " BOTTOM LINE " book review ! I 've been blogging since 2003 and have worked in public and privates libraries since 2000 . Find tidbits about my life , book reviews and other things currently whirling around in my brain . Unless otherwise stated , all books are either library or personal copies . I specialize in contemporary literary fiction with the occasional children 's book review . For review purposes , Children refers to books appropriate for ages 7 and under , Young Reader refers to books appropriate for ages 8 - 12 and Young Adult refers to books for ages 13 and up . I am an Amazon affiliate and some posts may contain affiliate links .
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So , I was reading over some of my blogs and sometimes I come off as really juvenile and immature . Which is pretty sad for someone who sees 30 coming up the road in the not too distant future . I was utterly amazed when my friends starting getting married because I feel too young to be doing something like that . And when they start having babies , I think I 'm really going to lose it . So , forgive me if I come off more as someone acting her shoe size than her age . I hope I come off as more mature in person . Greg reminded me today of the word I made up a few years ago . I think I was probably about 22 or 23 . I got really drunk off of dirty martinis . I had never been that drunk before so it was definitely new for me . I eventually blacked out or something because the next thing I knew my boyfriend ( now ex - ) was leaning over me talking to me . I took his face in my hands and tried to talk to him but strange words were coming out of my mouth . It made me giggle because I couldn 't make myself understood . He carried me to bed and tucked me in and I told him he was being a very good " sevenger . " Erik always assumed that I was smarter than he was so he just figured that was a word he didn 't know . I knew in my drunken stupor that that wasn 't the word I was trying to say but I couldn 't get out the appropriate word . Erik finally gave up trying to figure it out and wrote down the word to ask me what it meant the next day . Of course , there is no word " sevenger . " I made it up . We decided that it would mean someone who takes care of you when you are drunk or otherwise incapacitated . Not just a designated driver but also someone who puts you to bed , gives you water and aspirin , takes out your contacts etc . For awhile , my friends decided to try and get " sevenger " in the dictionary . But I think we will have to settle for using it within our group . So , when appropriate , try to incorporate the word " Sevenger " into your vocabulary . Wow . I started this blog talking about how immature I sound and look what I ended up talking about . I 'm not really raising the level , am I ? So , I was interested in SUGAR IN THE RAW 's latest blog and thought I 'd take a quiz to find out where I fall politically . In quizzes where Independent is not a choice , I fall to Democrats . In quizzes where it IS a choice , I fall with the Independents . I have joined the Democratic party because right now other parties like the Green Party don 't have enough voice to really change things . But I consider myself an Independent . Your stance on the issues makes you more of an independent , meaning you side with different parties depending on the issues . There are numerous political parties in the U . S . , including the environmentalist Green Party , the laissez - faire Libertarian Party and Ross Perot 's Reform Party , all of which have had candidates make strong showings in elections and even win office - - but they tend to appeal to a much smaller segment of the electorate . Comment So , I just couldn 't face another night at home so I went to the mall and saw " 13 Going on 30 . " Now , I 'm not the type of person to like cutsy stuff , but I really enjoyed it . The woman in the movie was my age and grew up in the 80 's so it was really nostalgic . And I liked the message . It 's no Academy award contender but it definitely made me feel good . All about being confident at 30 and happy with who you are . And since I 'm upping the cheese factor today , I thought I 'd add this quote from a song I like . But it 's an embarrassing artist so I won 't tell you who it is . If you recognize it , then you are just as cheesy as I am . Anyway , I thought this described me pretty well . So , I think I may have to kill my co - worker . She always tries my patience because she is SO SLOW and doesn 't seem to know how to do anything . She constantly has to ask about library policy and how to do things even though she has been at the library six months longer than I have ! And she gets completely bogged down with one customer so her co - worker at the desk has to handle EVERYONE else ! If we didn 't work together , I 'd probably like her a lot but as a co - worker she is driving me crazy ! I tried to help her out with a customer today because she was fumbling around in her usual confused haze and then she yelled at me in front of the customer ! She has been allowed to teach an ESL class in addition to her normal duties ( which she can barely handle ) and she turns the hour class into a two - hour fiasco every Wednesday night . Leaving me to take up the slack . And I am sick of it . If I complain , I will just be written off as short - tempered Amy complaining again . I am going to do everything I can to avoid her . Wednesdays nights we are along together , though . This could get really ugly . Wish I had another job lined up . So , it 's early Sunday evening . Almost time for the " Sopranos . " It 's strange how quickly one 's life can change . I was often slightly irritated at having to give up some of my alone time to be with someone else . Now everything is to quiet . I am trying to fill my time with books and movies . I try to read four books a month . I just finished my fifth for April today . You could say I have a lot of time on my hands . The phone doesn 't even ring . At least with Bill , I knew I 'd speak to him at least once a day . Now , I can go for a day or two without even speaking . Unless I talk to Toulouse . Of course , I have no voice right now due to my illness so I couldn 't talk on the phone anyway . And my time will fill again once my various memberships start picking up . It 's just strange and a little sad . Hard to get used to . I should be doing useful things like cleaning my house , organizing my closet , working out or scrapbooking . But right now , all I feel like doing is laying in bed reading . This too shall pass . It will just take a little time . Comment So , the days after my breakup haven 't been too hard . I have plenty to keep me busy and distracted . But the nights . . . . they are so hard . I got off work at 9pm last night and found myself looking at my cell phone expecting Bill to call . He would always call me right after I got off work . But the phone never rang . And my house was deathly quiet . It made it hard for me to sleep . I have always had problems with awful nightmares . But since I 've been with Bill , they had virtually gone away . If I ever had a bad dream , I could reach out my arm and touch him and feel comforted . But now I reach out and there is nothing there . Just space . How long will it take me to get used to this ? So , it 's cold and raining outside . And I love it ! I wish I could be home in bed right now with Toulouse and a book . But I 'm stuck at work until 9pm . How depressing . A semi - athletic well - educated nerd with well - formed senses of humor and adventure . Preferably a liberal , secular humanist and practicing Christian . ( tall and aged 29 - 35 a plus ) I just want to clarify something . I do NOT feel my life is empty without a partner . I see my life as this really cool puzzle . The kind you only find at specialty puzzle stores . The more I fit the pieces together , the happier I am with the end result . It isn 't always easy to get it to fit together right . And sometimes , I worry that I have too MANY pieces . But it seems to be coming out all right . And most of the time , I 'm quite proud of my puzzle . I like the challenges and intricacies of it . Even though it may frustrate and confuse me at times and give me a headache . To the point that I just want to knock it across the room . But mostly , I enjoy it and I 'm proud of it . I may get to the end of it and there will be one small missing piece to mar the overall picture . That missing piece may be a partner . Or it may be the perfect job . Or something else . But that doesn 't necessarily take away from the rest of the image . I 'd just like to have a complete puzzle . You know what I mean ? It just looks better . But I 'm still pretty comfortable with how my puzzle is turning out . I have some terrific friends in the picture as well as a great home and family and pet and car and interests / hobbies . Lots of great pieces in my puzzle . How 's that for a metaphor ? Simile ? I 'm trying to keep myself amused today so I don 't think about my life . This guy has a terrific blog full of fun websites . I especially liked making my own Talking Head . I 'm sorry I haven 't been keeping up with my blog lately . My life has seemed to be spiraling out of control lately . I 've been sick of body and sick of spirit . The body illness is a bad cold that is moving into my chest . The spirit illness is knowing that Bill and I were falling apart . And we were . We ended things last night . It had been coming for awhile but it is never easy . It isn 't a question of love . We both love each other . But we have too little in common to make a future together . We both want different things . And that is really hard to have to admit when it means giving up someone you love . But it could only end badly . It will be a horrible transition for me after having been with him for a year and a half . The thought of facing that sort of crushing loneliness again makes me want to crumple into a ball on the floor . I would like to hide from the world for a few days . Just stay in my bed with Toulouse and some books and DVDs . But I fear I would live in my head too much . As it is , I didn 't get any sleep last night . So , I am looking to work for a distraction . It 's not working great so far . And , like my friend Frank , I am feeling a lot of anger towards God . I 'm still waiting for an answer to all my prayers . And maybe it will come in a form I don 't recognize . But right now , I 'd like to know what the hell I 'm doing wrong ! I am so frustrated . Maybe I just need to recognize that I am meant to be alone . And make my peace with it once and for all . As a character in AGE OF INNOCENCE said , " I do not mind being alone as long as my friends keep me from being lonely . " And luckily , I have plenty in my life to fill up time and space . So , I think I 'll get things figured out eventually . So , I 'd like to talk about heroes today because my mind is still on the Alamo . I know many Texans will be bothered by the new " Alamo " film because it dispenses with many of the legends that we hold dear . Davy Crockett does not go down fighting in a blaze of glory . Travis does not draw a line in the sand and Bowie doesn 't have himself carried over it . Emily Morgan ( the Yellow Rose of Texas ) isn 't shown distracting Santa Anna with her . . . um . . . girly bits at San Jacinto . And Sam Houston is depicted not as a military vistionary but a drunkard . But does this make the men and women of the Texas revolution any less heroes ? I don 't think so . I read somewhere once that to set up our heroes as perfect does everyone a disservice . It makes your average person think that he or she cannot rise to heroic levels . Any hero you can think of has some dark secret or flaw . For example , Martin Luther King , Jr . was an adulterer . Does that make his contribution any less significant ? No . Is it a little disappointing ? Yes . We would like our heroes to be perfect . But if they were , how could we ever become heroes . Do you think the brave men and women who rushed in to help on 9 / 11 were perfect ? No . They were ordinary people who were driven to extraordinary actions . We can be heroes too . I went to a benefit last night for the Rape Awareness and Assistance Program . It was really good . I love stuff like that . And I actually won something . A keg of beer from the Wynkoop Brewery . Now I 'll just have to decide how to use it . So , I had a fairly decent Easter . The sun came out even though it was cold and I actually made it inside the sanctuary this year by going half an hour early . My pastor gave a really great sermon . I always grumble about going to church but when I get there , I 'm always really happy to be there . There is just something so comforting about being in church around all the familiar rituals . I spent a lovely evening with my friends , Amy and Greg . They always serve great food at their house and the conversation is always good . We are such nerds we actually spent some time reading the dictionary . I think we all have a fondness for words . I did make it over to the theater to see " The Alamo " and I was mighty disappointed . It could have been a great film . One that inspired all Americans . But instead , it was a mass of confusion that offered no historical context . Even Texans familiar with Texas history could be confused . ( and if you grow up in Texas , you are required to have a year of Texas history in 7th grade ) Without explaining why the Alamo was important or any of the historical background of the war , it made it seem like a bunch of random ruffians ended up in a mission together and died there . It 's a real shame because it is such a heroic story . Even when you chop out the parts of legend . As much I love all the legends surrounding the Alamo , part of me thinks it is better to present those men as they were . Just simple rough men out to make a new life for themselves . They weren 't perfect . But they were courageous and they all believed in the same dream . It makes me teary - eyed just thinking about it . Hope y ' all had a good Easter , too . So , the new " Alamo " movie opens tonight . I 'd really like to go home , put on my cowgirl boots and my Texas t - shirt and head over to the theater . But it has been rainy and cold all day and it may start snowing soon . They are predicting 3 - 5 inches . That is lousy Easter weather if you ask me . I may end up just going home and heading to bed early with a book . " I want a man who stands beside me . Not in front of or behind me . Give me two arms that wanna hold me , not own me , and I 'll give all the love in my heart . " I really like that . That is exactly what I have been looking for . Unfortunately , I 've had men who want to stand in front of me quite often . I am too independent for that and one of my greatest fears is being forced into a housewife role . And right now , I 'm with someone who sort of stands behind me . Content to let me be in the forefront and control everything . That 's not particularly great either . My friend Greg says I 'm just too independent . It 's hard for me to let anyone in or to give up control in the least . I hate that . Maybe I 'm just strong - willed . Or maybe it 's being an only child . But I certainly wasn 't raised to be submissive or shrinking . I am opinionated , outspoken , and ( lately ) quick to anger . But I am also loyal , loving , generous and ( sometimes ) fun - loving . It makes for a weird combination . I watched " House of Sand and Fog " last night . Lots of people told me it wasn 't that great but I found it very moving . I felt sympathy for all of the characters . ( Except that loser sheriff guy ) And it was absolutely heartbreaking . No one was really in the wrong and yet a series of tragic events took place . It wasn 't like there was one evil bad person to root against . In some ways , it reminded me of " Dirty Pretty Things " because it deals with some of the challenges that immigrants face . It must be so hard . So , if you are in the mood for something emotionally hardcore , watch " House of Sand and Fog . " Comment I love Easter . I really do . Especially when there is beautiful spring weather outside . Easter for me is definitely a time of renewal and rebirth . If I have done things right , I will have spent some quality time with God throughout Lent . And then I get to really celebrate in church on Easter Sunday . This is very un - Christianlike of me but I get so irritated when I can 't get into my own sanctuary on Easter Sunday . All these people you never see throughout the church year suddenly show up . My pastor calls them " C and E Christians . " ( Christmas and Easter ) It 's nice that these people come to church on Easter but I hate it that I go year - round and then can 't get inside on Easter . Maybe they should have reserved seating for those of us who go year round . That would be a nice perk for all those Sundays I spent teaching . Growing up , my parents always made Easter special . I remember having baskets full of Easter books and small toys . And going on Easter egg hunts . And dressing up in a new Easter dress for church . One year , my aunt even made hundreds of egg people , each with a distinct personality . I loved those egg people ! I acted out involved stories with them . And then my friend Ellen just reminded me of an Easter I spent with her and my parents having brunch at the beautiful Hyatt Hill Country during college . That was such a great day ! The past few years , I have organized an Easter picnic in the park with friends . We 've potlucked it and then played volleyball and badminton and even flew kites . It has been a fun event but this year I 'm still so bummed by New Year 's that I 'm not planning anything . I hope Easter won 't be a bust this year because I really look forward to it . But in my experience , if I don 't plan something myself , nothing will happen . Whew ! I can 't believe it is Tuesday already ! This past Sunday , I played Mary Magdalene for three hours at church . We have an Easter walk where kids and adults walk through different rooms depicting different scenes of Holy Week from Palm Sunday to the Empty Tomb . In each room , they hear a brief story from a costumed character and receive a small memento . I was in charge of the Empty Tomb . I had a different group every 5 - 10 minutes . I was exhausted by the time it was over . So , I have a though for you women out there . Maybe this experience is unique to me but it always seems like women tend to pick up the interests of their partners and not vice versa . Women always seem to be really good about trying to get involved in their partner 's interests and hobbies . But men never seem to do the same . These are the following interests I have tried to pick up / pursue through men I have dated : I do these things in an attempt to share my partner 's interests and to become closer . And because I really like to learn new things . But the people I date have never seemed to have any real interest in learning about my hobbies . Except for Nick . He was willing to read whatever I suggested and even attended a Richard Leakey lecture with me . But that was rare . Men seem to just take for granted that women will follow along with their interests . My friend Anna , for example , is learning French for her boyfriend and is trying to learn more about racing cars since that is what he is into . Why do we always have to be the ones to take up the other person 's interests ? When will I date a guy who starts getting into politics , museums and art films to know me better ? It 's kind of irritating . So , I 'm back from Amy 's " Back to my Roots " tour of Texas . I hadn 't realized how much I really miss Texas . When I stepped off the plane in Austin , I heard country music playing and the smell of barbecue filled the air . I nearly wept . I have never associated Texas with cowboys , horses , boots and country music . To me , that was always a crazy stereotype made up by Yankees . I just never saw that growing up . But I guess those things are a part of Texas . My mom 's new place looks great . It 's really coming along . I had a chance to meet my " aunt 's " new kids . A pair of adorable African - American children she adopted last year . One 9 - yr - old girl and a nearly 11 - yr - old boy . I hope they can come visit me in Colorado . Mom took me to a very funny current events revue called " Esther 's Follies . " If you are ever in Austin , check them out ! After the show , we went next door to the Velveeta Room for a little comedy . It was awful ! Don 't ever go there . We actually got harassed by one of the comics whose humor was beyond offensive . The next day we headed to San Antonio and ended up getting in the middle of the world premiere of the " Alamo " movie . Dennis Quaid was about four feet away from us . And we saw scruffy old Billy Bob Thornton . I still can 't believe he gave up Angelina ! We had lots of Mexican food and even had time to see " Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind . " I liked it but Mom thought it was too weird . I thought it was pretty predictable but creative . I have wisdom to share with you from my trip . On Friday , I paid for lunch at a restaurant with my debit card . I didn 't notice until Sunday that the restaurant had given me someone else 's debit card instead of mine . They both looked exactly the same . Luckily , the other guy hadn 't used mine . I cancelled it in time . But it took me that long to notice . Always make sure that businesses give you back YOUR card and not someone else 's . While in Texas , I stocked up on items that brought me back to my roots . A new pair of brown cowboy boots . A beautiful embroidered Western shirt . Some jalapeno jelly and special salsa . Things that will keep me in touch with Texas . Welcome to Life by Candlelight . This is the home of the " BOTTOM LINE " book review ! I 've been blogging since 2003 and have worked in public and privates libraries since 2000 . Find tidbits about my life , book reviews and other things currently whirling around in my brain . Unless otherwise stated , all books are either library or personal copies . I specialize in contemporary literary fiction with the occasional children 's book review . For review purposes , Children refers to books appropriate for ages 7 and under , Young Reader refers to books appropriate for ages 8 - 12 and Young Adult refers to books for ages 13 and up . I am an Amazon affiliate and some posts may contain affiliate links .
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A verse written August 9 , 2007 . The last one I ever wrote . Inspired by ' Hey Jude ' by los beatles . Posted cos I am too lazy to write an article . He had overheard that there was hope in wordsHis sad song will last long in broken verseSo he wrote his verb just to show his worthThe sad song had passed on , or is focus blurredHe hears sober slurs . Have the holes recurred ? The sad song is back on . The notes are worseAs they revolt and curse . He holds his nerveThe sad song has passed on , or is focus blurredNo emotions hurt because they won 't occurThe sad song has latched on , he slows in turnbut his potions worked , he awoke , he stirredThe sad song has passed on , or is focus blurredNo ! he knows his worth , it 's in his spoken wordThe sad song will pass on when the poet 's heard - Eden ( after re - reading this ) It 's now 13 seasons in and has only become a better show . Many shows stagnate and run out of ideas after a couple of seasons , but South Park continues to improve . I 've loved South Park since it first came out , I think I was about 11 years old , it was pretty funny to me then but looking back there was so much I was missing out on . It 's the same deal with The Simpsons , much better when you 're older . South Park is an amazingly current social critic , the episodes are produced each week in their entirely . Not the way Family Guy or The Simpsons is made , where each episode takes a total of approximately 6 months to create . With the ability to produce episodes so fast ( I believe they even produced an episode in a day ) this also allows the show to be fresh . If you look through an episode list you 'll see the names of episodes that make fun of all sorts of current fads and fashions - Make Love Not Warcraft , The Passion of the Jew , Chinpokomon to name but a few . The characters are brilliant , Cartman being an obvious favourite , he 's extremely selfish , conniving and often cruel . Stan and Kyle are great a contrast to Cartman , level headed and sympathetic to others yet still retaining the qualities of the children they really are ( see - Good Times With Weapons ) . The cast of characters extends far beyond the main four , a few favourites of mine are Butters , Randy Marsh and Mr Garrison . Something else I enjoy but isn 't really funny is at the end of a lot of the episodes there is a message or moral , in amongst all the laughs there is actually something you can take from the show . Watch the episode - With Apologies to Jesse Jackson , and you 'll see what I mean . Fortunately this isn 't something that 's the main focus of the show , it 's just a little something that might only take 30 seconds then your back to the laughs , you can take it or leave it . At the end of this current season there will be a total of 195 episodes and it 's still Comedy Central 's highest rated show each week . South Park is basically the reason why Comedy Central is what it is today . I believe South Park is the best animated comedy series ever made . There is a lot of fuss over The Simpsons , and rightfully so , it was a great show for many seasons and paved the way for shows like South Park . But for South Park to still be going strong for as long as it has , for there to be no end in site , that is truly something awesome . There are people out there that I call full - time procrastinators , and I used to be one of them . And the procrastination I refer to is the type involving one 's career trajectory . I used to procrastinate to some extent , mainly because of fear . But if someone asked me at the time why I procrastinate , I would tell them with a look of self - disapproval that it was because of laziness . And I believed myself , because , really , what reason is it other than laziness that you 're not doing something that requires work . And as you guys know , I recently got a band together and have been getting so much done that it 's close to overwhelming to think about . But this wasn 't just a case of getting off my ass , it was a deep rooted feeling of , " is this going to be worth it if i put the effort in . " And that , ladies and gentlemen , is clearly fear . You see , the reason it wasn 't a feeling that I could easily grasp was because even the thought of myself failing at music was scary . The easiest and hardest person to avoid is yourself . Whether not being able to actually form of a band of people , or the later music industry success not panning out , herein lies the biggest fear : if I didn 't pursue it head on , I didn 't have to face myself as the one responsible for the failure . We seem to live in a world where it is rare for someone to be held accountable and not have a problem with it . What if you try something and you end up having a great time , well you would sure hold yourself accountable then ! ! I believe if you 're willing to take responsibility for the good , you should also hold responsibility for the bad . Now for the hypocrisy . A man will put up with working a job he dislikes because he is earning money . But the idea of working on a career where the benefits are tenfold and of an inner spiritual nature seems not worth it . Something seems off . I was standing under the shelter of the café . I had finished my breakfast , two scrambled eggs as always , and I was tying up the wet laces of my wet boots as my feet were going wrinkly in my wet socks . " You ready , captain ? ! " Ed said to me with a smile of anticipation on his face . The day had begun for me sometime in the very early morning hours . The rain had started up and was relentless . Every heavy drop adding its own contribution to the grand cacophony resonating from the hostel roof . I woke up on several occasions throughout the night , irritated but thankful that I still had time to sleep . Eventually it was the evil of my alarm , set for 7 : 45 , that woke me up . Then again at 7 : 55 . I unloaded a different kind of evil in the bathroom , before packing my bag with the water logged clothes . They never had a chance of drying overnight . I think they probably got wetter . I put in my earphones and set out for the park . A five minute walk in the rain , letting the energy of Zeppelin 's Black Dog wake up my brain and then flow into the sore bones and muscles . I 've never been a morning person and I was used to the reception I got each time I arrived at the cafe , everybody commenting on how much I looked like shit . But this time it was different , people were giving me their condolences , wishing me luck , asking if I was even going to even walk today in this rain . Only Ed saw the challenge of the weather as something positive , " Captain ! " he said again , " Captain Eden ! " That was the thing , today was the first day without Mike . He was getting a day off and me and Ed were training a new guy , Adam , to work with Roy . I was the most experienced now . The captain . After asking Beni , the volunteer coordinator , if sending us out in this onslaught of rain complied with OH & S regulations ( I highly doubt they existed in corrupt mess that is Bolivia 's economy ) , I accepted my fate and we headed off . Up at the cage I fed Roy his daily strands of long grass while Ed taught Adam some of the basics . I could sense Roy was irritated that there was a new person around and , even more so , that Mike wasn 't . But he had one thing to be cheery about . While rain spells danger and potential injury to me , it was all fun and games for Roy . On the hot days he needs more time to stop and cool down , but when the weather is cool he can just keep going . It was definitely going to be an enjoyable day for him and he knew it . Adam received the usual shock of the uphill sprint Roy does at the beginning of each run . But he got another shock and so did Ed and I . Roy put on an unexpected sprint to fully stretch out his leash , then he turned and bypassed me as I tried to catch up to him and he put a heavy shoulder charge on Ed . Adam went to pull him away so he attacked Adam and then me as well . It was nothing serious , though . Maybe he was frustrated that Mike wasn 't around or just showing us what he can do . The rest of the run actually went smoothly despite my earlier fears . My knees warmed up after 10 - 15 minutes and the session became quite fun . I could now do the trails with confidence and enjoy the physical demands like an invigorating jog . So while my once dry undies took the time to soak in the rainwater from my pants , I soaked in the cool atmosphere and jungle surroundings . I could admire Roy 's intimidating march , with his huge paws drawing power from the mass of muscle in his shoulders . When he stopped to scent some leaves or branches I would take a relaxing deep breath through my nostrils , smiling at the focused , yet curious , look on his face . I also had time to see Adam 's face : a growing look of distress as the trail wore on . The same expression I once had . Lunch was fun . Had the meal of the day and two more eggs . I must have eaten over one hundred eggs in my month long stay . The rain had eased and Mike was there at the café to hear the stories from me and Ed . Everything was peachy as we prepared for the afternoon session . Adam was waiting up at the cage . He had a hint of doom in his face but we reassured him and headed off on the wet trail once more . We reached the hill with the long runner . The same place where Roy took his shit , and nearly my head , only days earlier . Ed was front man and I was keen to stay right behind him in case Roy tried the same thing and jumped him at the bottom . Roy didn 't need to shit but the slippery mud meant that Ed would need a perfect descent to keep up . Despite all the focus being on Roy and Ed at the top of the hill , it was my descent that would be the one to remember . Roy started off quick and Ed kept up . I was going OK for the first few seconds , but then I slipped and landed on my ass . In my haste to regain my footing I overcompensated and overbalanced , my weight propelling me forwards . My feet were gone from under me . In what must have been less than a second , I saw the trunk of a tree , about 8 inches in diameter , approaching fast . All my reflexes were calling for my hands to cover my face and take the brunt of the impact but they were nowhere to be found . " Oh shit man ! " I heard Adam say from behind me , " Are you alright ? " I got back to my feet unsure if I would even be able to stand , but I had to make sure Ed was OK . Luckily he could look after himself and had stayed in touch with Roy to the bottom . As I continued down to the bottom of the hill I could see something dropping in front of my eye . I put my hand out to catch whatever it was and saw the red red krovvy splash on my hand and arm . Drip Drip . Drip . Coming down at a consistent pace . Quicker than a drop per second . Roy seemed to know something was up and took a break in a pond not too much farther on . Ed , being a vet , examined that gash in my head . It was just below my right eyebrow , in line with the eye socket . Roy looked calm , his deep , piercing eyes displaying a vague interest as he watched Ed get a closer look . " That 's a great cut man , " he explained , " It 's deep but it 's clean . You 're lucky you didn 't fuck up your eye . " Roy had lost interest now , instead sussing out the potential of his new toy Adam . " Just wash it with some water , " Ed finished . I trusted his opinion . I mean , why shouldn 't I ? He 's a vet . We were only 20 minutes into the trail , so instead of going down to the clinic we continued on for an hour or so to finish the Megalong . It took another half hour to get Roy back in his cage . He was fed and happy with his exploits for the day , even if Mike wasn 't there . The blood was now dried up in my eyelashes , though I still couldn 't feel any pain . I went into the clinic ( animal clinic , mind you ) and got my cut cleaned up by one of the vets . This is where the pain started . She scolded me for waiting over an hour before getting it treated . She also reminded me that I was lucky not to have any damage to my vision . Ed came in to apply the stitches . " That 's a great cut ! " he said again . " It must be almost an inch deep ! " My eye was swelling , which exaggerated the depth of the cut but an inch seemed like a lot . Now I too was thinking how lucky I was not to have damaged my eye . Ed applied two internal stitches and four external ones . The anaesthetic was weaker for the external stitches , and that hurt more than the impact itself . The adrenalin had died out and my eye was quickly swelling . I got some antibiotics from the clinic , and anti - inflammatory pills from the local farmacia . It was fun showing off my battle wounds , telling the story in the most epic way possible , but it came at a cost . I couldn 't walk Roy again for three days . I felt betrayed by fate . Well , actually , I felt great being able to sleep in til 10am and take a relaxed walk to breakfast and listen to The Arcade Fire in peace . But overall I couldn 't take the irony . I finally reached the point where doing the trails was fun and exciting and my fitness was reaching all time highs . Then I trip a smash my face into a tree and can 't visit my favourite puma for three days . I decided to use the spare time to get some things taken care of . First off I started catching up on my diary , writing down brief details so that this story could be so wonderfully recounted for you . Then I put in a half assed effort to clean my clothes . But it takes more than a two minute scrub with a shitty bar of soap to extract the sweat and dirt that had been ingrained into the material . I also had to try sort out my passport . I was unsure if I could even get over the Argentine border after the damage the monkey did to it . I ended up doing nothing and just taking a chance , luckily los Argentinos were lenient . Then there was my final order of business , which should probably have been the first . I was talking to a fellow volunteer and she taught me the wonders of Skype . She let me use her account and I called my mum for the first time since leaving almost four months earlier . In my defence I did keep in touch via Facebook ( I know , not a great defence ) . It was nice to catch up . So I finally got to go back on the trails with Roy and Mike and Ed . Adam , however , had pulled out . Roy beat him physically and mentally , and he didn 't even have to jump him . I felt bad for Adam because he would have been so close to breaking on through to the other side of the pain barrier . The trails were becoming more and more fun . Roy had long been in love with Mike and wouldn 't dare touch him . I had also worked my way into his favour and he was responding by becoming more playful and exploring more . Ed , however , was having a little more trouble . Roy would pick on him , jumping him almost daily , and Ed would respond by stepping up to the challenge . It was like watching a duel as Roy would spend 20 minutes straight trying to find the right place to attack and Ed ( self titled matador at this point ) would manoeuvre himself to avoid it . It stayed like this for a while , but eventually I became too complacent and Roy took to jumping me again . On one occasion he stopped and I stopped behind him . He started growling . I was standing on his tail . He turned around and faced me . I couldn 't do much and he jumped and knocked me down . Biting into my leg just above the knee . Mike pulled him away but not quick enough to prevent the scar of teeth marks that is still visible now . There were another two jumps similar to this . I have matching scars on both legs . But after seeing how much Roy loved to ' play around ' it was worth the pain . Apart from the Bromance that I had with Roy , I was finding friendships with more than just animals . The people at the park were some of the best friends I made on my whole holiday . The parties we had were insanely fun as well . Everyone would chip in thirty Bolivianos , about $ 7 , and copious amounts of alcohol were purchased and put into big buckets and saucepans . Messiness ensued with drinking games , pool parties and the like . Some of the photos showed up on Facebook with me tagged in them . That 's how my mum found out about my cut . I received a message from her asking why I had a scar above eye . Both me and Mike had decided to stay a week longer . This meant Mike would be there til the end of October and I would until the 2nd of November . This was like a slap the face to my knees ( a slap in the kneecap ? ) . For weeks now they were begging for relief . At night I could be sitting , talking with people and I would feel my knees and they were still burning . Giving off heat even though I finished the trail hours earlier . In the mornings they would be cold and raw , even worse on the wet days . Even three or four weeks after leaving the park my knees were sore just to climb a flight of stairs . But to stay with Roy for an extra few days , anything was worth that . After 32 days at Villa Tunari , here I was . November 2nd . 1400hrs . My last run with Roy . We were out on the trails . Just Roy , Ed and me . Mike had left . Adam had quit . A day earlier there was even a new guy , coincidentally also called Adam , who left . We had had a big party on the night of Halloween as a send - off to a large group of volunteers , including Mike . I was hungover , walking Roy . Ed was still drunk and struggling to keep his footing through the slippery creek beds . The new guy , however , was nowhere to be seen . Straggling some 5 minutes behind us ( and counting ) showing no intent of catching up . Roy : 2 . Adams : 0 . Anyways , the run was very sombre . We didn 't talk too much and I let Roy roam the different parts of the trail for longer than usual . I wanted to soak up my time with him . My body was holding out in defiance of nature and my preconceived notions of will power . Just one more day of big league exercise before I could relax and stop trekking 12 - 15km a day . But this was no consolation . I had seen the pain of impending separation on Mike 's face only days earlier . And the look on Roy 's face the next two mornings , staring out to see if Mike would come round the corner . But Mike had left and Roy would learn to accept it eventually . I sent off the different parts of the trail . The long runner which caused so much mayhem . The Hills , Destroyers of Human Spirit , would suck the energy out of my thighs no more . I chilled with Roy in his rest area for the last time , Sitting on a rock drinking water while he laid in his pond looking at his surroundings . I followed his gaze to the trees , from which some monkey once threw rocks and twigs at us . I looked farther on , at another pond , where Roy found a turtle and slowly tortured it half to death only to lose interest and leave it limbless and alive . As we came closer to the cage , Roy gave me my final head butt . Purring as he did . Then with only a 20m walk down to the cage he stopped and laid in the damp leaves . I felt like lying down with him and letting him get the easiest jump of his life . Thought maybe we could go around behind the cage and he could nibble on my bare thigh . Just like old times . We got to the cage and as I changed his leash to the runner . I got another head rub . He was like a house cat , purring and rubbing his head and neck against mine . We stayed for a while as he relaxed . He then went up into his cage to eat his dinner . We eventually left , still quiet . Ed could tell how I was feeling and maybe realising he would have to leave one day as well . I couldn 't help but think of how much I was going to miss Roy . Will I ever see him again ? And even worse was the fact that Roy had no idea that I wouldn 't be back tomorrow . All his life he befriended people for a month through gruelling trails , exciting jumps and many other ups and downs . But then for reasons he can 't explain , they leave . I only had to leave Roy once , Mike left him once and Ed did as well . But Roy for Roy it is more than once . Everyone leaves him . I stayed the night in the hostel . The next day I woke and went to the café in time to bid my farewells . I wrote on the whiteboard " paz y mucho amor " " Peace and much love . " Despite the ruined state of my body , it was my emotional side that was hurting , engulfed in an aching emptiness . It was the saddest moment of my whole trip . I walked to the bus station alone . . . This post hearkens back to several articles I 've read lately , namely - this , this and this . Often I find myself passionate about something for weeks or months then it just passes me by . For instance , about a year ago I was serious about Japanese cooking , so serious I bought the best Japanese cookbook available , once it was delivered I flicked through it ( it 's fantastic , it really is ) but it all looked a little too hard . To be honest , I think I kinda lost interest between the time of clicking " order now " and receiving the parcel . I 've become enamored with loads of little ' hobbies ' like Japanese cooking , Billiards , keeping a fish tank ( twice ) , learning Spanish , and Swedish ( to name a few ) over the past few years and nothing has ever really stuck . Every time I become interested in something I do a lot of reading on the internet and learn about it , and sometimes buy some stuff . Eventually I lose interest , some people may think this is a waste of time and money , but the way I see it - it makes for an interesting life . In 20 years time I 'll have had 20 different hobbies , sure I 'll only know a bit about a lot rather than a lot about a bit and that 's the way I want it . I must say there are some hobbies and passions which I dropped , some that should never have been forgotten and it 's only procrastination that 's holding me back . I played piano for a few years when I was a kid , I was quite good but I never really practiced and eventually I talked my mum into letting me quit . What a mistake , there would be millions of people all around the world who identify with this story , but I don 't want to be someone who lives to regret it . I want to right the wrong and learn to play again . My grandmother used to play the piano for hours on end everyday , I can only think what a friend that must have been . I 've wanted a telescope for the longest time also , to look at the stars and the planets in the ' flesh ' rather than just seeing the images on a screen would be just incredible . Not that I want to be a ' serious amateur astronomer ' , I just want to whip out the telescope every now and then to gaze . None of this is hard , it just requires a little proactivity . If I didn 't buy that Japanese cookbook I would never have been able to lose interest in it in the first place ( I can always go back to it , I plan to cook something out of it one day ) . In order to avoid regretting the things that could have been all you need to do is just start and see where it leads , that way you 'll never be left wondering . By 1999 , WCW had used all of it 's ideas and it 's top draws were on the wrong side of 40 . WWF had a way to make Raw Is War appeal to more people , infusing ( infrequent ) decent matches with risque storylines , calling it the ' Attitude ' era , but really this was just a knockoff of ECW , but once again filtered enough so it could be viewed en masse . By 2000 , WWF was clearly the ratings winner each week by a massive amount . WCW , in its lust for starpower , had become a joke in the industry . The writers weren 't focused on a wrestling show , only a bad variety show featuring wrestlers . Essentially , the WWF was doing the same thing , it 's just that WCW was doing it even worse . Alot worse . It really says something about the monopoly these two companies had on the business , because WCW was hitting record lows in the nielson ratings yet it was still by far the second company down . And keep in mind that there are hundreds of wrestling promotions just in the USA . Third in line was ECW , but due to the violence and lack of storylines , it was impossible for ECW to come close to the amount of viewers the big two were getting . By 2001 , WCW viewers had basically stopped watching wrestling or jumped ship to the WWF , leading to an overnight sale of WCW to Vince Mcmahon , owner of WWF . They had well and truly won the monday night wars . To put it into perspective , we must realize that WCW in 1998 was taking in around the 100 million dollar mark , but only three years later it was sold for 2 million . It is hard to comprehend how a business could fail on that grand scale , and it was all because WCW was run by people interested not in wrestling , but only money . ECW had gained its cult following but by the same year , 2001 , it had gone bankrupt due to poor business strategy . So that 's the other end of the spectrum , because ECW was run by people who loved wrestling yet they couldn 't run a business of its size . Paul Heyman is the most ingenious , creative and smart wrestling promoter of all time and he knows how to book the best shows you 'll ever see , For a year , throughout 2001 , there was no quality wrestling available to the loyal ECW fans . WWf was worse than it had been in ten years . A new company named Ring of Honor was formed . ROH brought together all the aspects that made ECW so great while abandoning some things , notably ECW 's absence of finishers and clean pins . ROH has turned into everything an adult wrestling fan wants . It took a few years , but people caught on and now ROH is the top alternative for wrestling fans , bringing up young wrestlers and signing deals with the great Japanese promotion NOAH . If it weren 't for ROH , I would probably not watch any wrestling all year . The irony of this whole article really is that when I was a kid , I absolutely loved WCW and WWF . And I must say that there were exceptions to the rule that they had bad wrestling . Some of the greatest ever were apart of the big two during the 90 's , notably Stone Cold , Bret Hart , Sting and Shawn Michaels . And it is really fun to watch these shows as a kid . But there came a time when my love for the art took over the fun aspect that a kid can get out of it . As an adult , it just isn 't what you look for , and there is no consistency . Nobody likes to sift through the shit to find the gold . I guess it comes back to the analogy of movies , because if you watch kids movies as an adult , it 's not satisfying in the least . And they 're pretty dumb too . So there you have it , being a wrestling fan can be frustrating at times , with peoples perceptions going in the wrong directions and not being able to find good stuff on TV , but when you have an ROH out there , you can 't complain . Let 's just hope Vince Mcmahon doesn 't purchase it . A wise man once told me to get into Dylan so here I am . I wanted to start with something from his early period so this album seems like a good choice . Nothing much to say until we 've heard it , so . . . . off you go . Well a few weeks ago I picked Pet Sounds , the classic brainchild of Wilson and long time favourite of mine . All were impressed and since then I have been listening to it 's spiritual follow up SMiLE . I think that anyone who loves Pet Sounds will also love this and I really want someone to share the album with , because every time I hear it , it grabs me even more . I can 't say much more without actually partially reviewing the different aspects of the record , but I love it and everyone should hear it . A few weeks ago I wrote about the rollercoaster ride I have had supporting the Roosters . It was fun recounting the build up to the 02 premiership and a little less fun remembering the 7 years of disappointment that followed . Sharing my story was therapeutic , and the best thing to come from it was to read the responses . I don 't mean the ' Roosters deserve all the crap they get ' stuff ( I 'm used to that by now ) , but the fans from all different teams detailing their own stories of supporting their team through the harsh reality of losing . I could relate to my fellow Rooster fans . I took inspiration from the steely Dogs fans who struggled through 2008 . I felt for fans of teams like Cronulla , Parramatta , Souths and St George who are long overdue for a premiership ( well , maybe Souths can wait a little longer ) . So although I had promised myself that I wouldn 't go through with the stress of attending another match this year , I was inspired by the other fans to get out to the final match against the Cowboys . It was also Fitzy 's last match so I felt obliged , beyond any desire of avoiding the Spoon , to see off this great clubman . I cancelled a shift at work and then asked my brothers and my Dad if they wanted to come . However , they had long abandoned the thought of more pain , adopting a see no evil , feel no evil mentality . I scolded them not being true fans and it was becoming apparent that , after almost 10 years of seriously attending matches , I would be going to my first game alone . I thought of calling one of my friends to come with and make a fun afternoon out of it , but they were both busy * . Instead I decided to make it like a lonely pilgrimage - proving myself as a fan ( I know , just a touch melodramatic ) . So after a 40 minute train ride and a short walk from Central I arrived at the Football Stadium . I had come to terms with the horror season and was there to show the team , and myself , that I still believed . Although we could still overtake Cronulla on the ladder , I didn 't even feel we deserved it and doubted that a team with Jonathon Thurston would lose to us . I had no expectations of winning , which was a liberating mindset . Usually I would be full of unwarranted confidence or nervous excitement . But the game kicked off and the small crowd of around 10 , 000 had such an energy that the team responded . It rivalled the noise and emotion of the 34 , 000 at the Tigers - Eels blockbuster I was at two weeks earlier . Despite my earlier Zen state of not needing or wanting victory , I had been sucked in . I wanted it more than ever . We raced out to a 16 - 0 lead on the back of strong defence and some decent attack - two things we lacked all season . However , the calling card of the 2009 campaign was our inability to play 80 minutes , and after playing 35 minutes of decent football we crumbled and Thurston pounced . It started with a try before halftime and then a two more quick ones after the break . We stayed in it for a while but I , and the other fans at the game , could see the writing on the wall . We crumbled with 10 minutes to go , losing 32 - 16 . Sitting through that final 10 minutes was tough but I had never left a game early and this was no exception . Especially since I was there for Fitzy first and foremost . It was an emotional send off to a legend . A sad way to farewell his service - another loss and the Spoon to boot . I thought about the terrible referee display . But instead of blaming the refs again I decided to take the view that the team should be able to bounce back from poor decisions . We shouldn 't finish the match focusing on negatives . Focus on the positives and the chance to improve . That what the best teams do . And after 80 minutes we weren 't the best team . After 26 rounds we were the worst . In spite of all the disappointments of the day and the season I had a bittersweet feeling . I could understand the bitter , but why the sweet ? I guess I felt liberated that I had witnessed the worst possible scenario . This was as bad as it gets . It 's still hard to explain but I now feel closer to the club , and not in the unhealthy , obsessed way . I have experienced the highs earlier this decade and now I know the true lows . We 'd gone through it together and in the end , as George Harrison says , " All Things Must Pass . " I got that Zen mindset back . I don 't have an explosive temper , nor do I spend long periods of time being shitty , but like all people , I do get angry . Being angry is something which will always happen and to learn to control it and get over whatever it is you 're angry about is a battle . I suppose you could call this article a continuation of my post - Learning ( I suspect there will be many posts on the subject of learning ) . There are so many sources of anger , so obviously I 'm only going to talk about some of them and how I 'm learning to react to that anger . Having a difference of opinion with someone can lead to anger and an argument if you let it ( this generally happens with those closest to us , with others we often keep our mouths shut ) . To argue with someone and to continue an argument with someone , even after both parties have gotten their points across is really just an attempt at domination . Both people want to be right , to have the other person know that they 're right . I 've argued with Brooke before and thought to myself after a couple of minutes of angry silence that I want so badly to not be angry , but this desire in me to have her agree with me and win this argument is so strong . I 've only recently acknowledged anger and the resulting arguments for what they are , and realised that its not worth being angry at someone you love , or anyone for that matter , in order to win and argument ( which is joke in itself because you can never ' win ' an angry argument ) . Money is a major source of worry and anger . Whether we have too much or not enough most people are never really satisfied . When I pay too much for something I generally feel angry about it , I feel as though I 've been ripped off - really I feel like a fool . No one likes to be made to feel or look foolish . The thing about money is that it cannot make you happy and it should not make you angry . If you spend too much money one week , or you 've paid too much for something , try to think - in a couple of weeks time , I will have been paid again , will I actually care about that money I spent ? Will I even still remember ? Probably not . Perhaps that 's too simplistic , I don 't think it is because it seems to works for me . Being angry really is silly because what you 're angry about has occured . The time has passed , you cannot do anything about it , if you could you wouldn 't be angry . Something amazing happened to me during the fall of 2006 ; I experienced my first taste that is college football . I had been hearing about how exciting it would be to study at Michigan State University during the fall semester , because that was when football season would be played . I really didn 't pay much attention to it when I first arrived as there were so many other new sights , smells and tastes that come along with studying at an American college . One beautiful afternoon whilst I was looking out my dorm room window at the squirrels chasing each other up and down a tree , I decided that I would buy season football tickets to see the Spartans play ; it was one of the best decisions I have ever made . So the first game day rolled around , and I was brimming with excitement . Not only was I going to see my first American football game , but it was on campus with an estimated crowd of 70 , 000 people in attendance ( and this was only for the season opener in which Michigan State played a much weaker Eastern Michigan ) . Despite the Spartans being heavy favourites , the buzz surrounding this game was like no other . Let me paint you a picture of what a typical football Saturday at college is like . To begin with , the game can be on as early as 12pm , therefore in order to make the most of it you get up early . So at around 8am the beers are opened and the good times are beginning . If the game is on at 3 : 30pm or even later , that leaves the whole day to ' tailgate ' . For those who are unaware of tailgating , basically the idea comes from everyone having a bbq ( or ' grilling ' ) out of the boots ( or ' tailgates ' ) of their cars ; often in the parking lot at sports such as football and baseball . On game day at Michigan State , families from all over head to campus to set up their tailgates at parking lots all over campus , and make a day of eating and drinking . But for the younger , more party inclined folk ; there are tailgate parties that go to another extreme . The same principle applies , but there are tailgate parties with often hundreds even thousands of people in one area . This concept is so big that ESPN goes on the road every Saturday during football season to host a show called College GameDay , often at large football schools such as Florida and Ohio State . The above pictures are of the third home game that I attended , between Michigan State and Notre Dame - a fierce rivalry . Around 80 , 000 people crammed into the stadium for that game , and even though I was drunk and couldn 't find any of my friends , I made my way into the stadium and found a seat ( I should say position because no - one sits down during the entire game ) amongst the students and enjoyed Michigan State head to a 31 - 14 half time lead over a red - hot Notre Dame side . At half time I miraculously found my comrades , only to watch one of the greatest comebacks I 've ever seen in any sporting game , with Notre Dame grabbing an interception that led to the winning points , in the dying seconds to win the game 40 - 37 . Another great aspect of college football that entices me is the passion . When you play professional sports there is certainly plenty of passion involved , however once a player makes the NFL they are often guaranteed million dollar contracts whether they win or lose ; so the drive to succeed could be for different reasons altogether . However , athletes in college aren 't paid a dime for playing sport ; sure they receive full scholarships , but they also have to go to class like every other student . Therefore when they are out there in front of 80 , 000 screaming fans , in a stadium that is on the same campus which they take lectures , the desire to win is not for a pay - check ; it is for the pride and respect of their peers . Passion also grows from rivalries amongst teams . Every year teams will pretty much play the same teams during a regular season , and considering there are only a handful of games , each clash is met with so much importance on the win . The way NCAA football works , is that the country is split up into conferences , such as the Big Ten or SEC conferences , and these teams play mainly each other . Before a game is even played the top 25 teams are ranked based on pre - season form and calibre of team . The larger schools such as Florida , Texas , and USC are always going to field better teams than smaller football schools , therefore they are ranked higher . However , if one of these teams loses , it can pretty much say goodbye to the chance of playing in the national title ( the BCS Championship game ) . The only hope would be to play in one of the other 4 national bowl games , namely the Rose , Fiesta , Sugar and Orange bowls . The very fact outlined above is why when the season is in full swing , and teams such as the University of Michigan play Ohio State University ( also known as The Game , and ranked by ESPN as the greatest North American sports rivalry ) , often both teams are either undefeated or have only lost 1 - 2 games each , the hype and importance of such a game is enormous . Coupled with the actual importance of the result is the history behind college football . The earliest college football games were being played around 1870 - 80 , years before most major international sporting rivalries even begun . You can already imagine the honour players receive when they have the opportunity to play in games such as these , especially when many are still teenagers . One of coolest things I like about college football is the crowds . You can be guaranteed that for most decent games the stadiums will be full . And even if the two teams that are playing aren 't even from the state in which the stadium is located , a large crowd will turn up . For example , round 1 of the 2009 season saw Oklahoma play BYU ( a team from Utah ) at a stadium in Texas and it drew a crowd of 70 , 000 + . But the best crowds are home crowds . There are 4 college football stadiums that have capacity for over 100 , 000 people , and often they are sold out . University of Michigan 's stadium ( appropriately nicknamed ' The Big House ' has a capacity of 106 , 000 people ) ; incredible really considering the town that the college is in , Ann Arbor only has a population of 114 , 000 . Eden and I were sitting around the other day watching a documentary on orangutans . As the badass creatures were swinging from trees , it got me thinking . A human would have to work for years to be able to do any of the crazy stuff these guys were doing . And every one of them can do it . One of the orangutans slipped and fell but caught a branch before any injury could occur , yet a human would have certainly fallen to their death . So why do we have this superiority complex when it comes to our species . Sure , we can build and create things on a much more expansive scale than any other species , but we also destroy things on an even bigger scale . I 'm just gobsmacked sometimes when I see another animal doing things that I 'd love to do . We are not the strongest or fastest . We may have the ability to outsmart any animal but we seem to live a less peaceful existence than any . It 's humbling . I 'm not putting down human achievement but respect must be paid since a lot of our achievements are based upon replicating what other animals can already do . This is kinda like a part 2 to what I posted last week . Again I came up with this one while travelling . It was sort of a natural process to start taking more risks just because of the freedom that travelling provides . At first these were just small decisions like when it came to eating I wouldn 't turn down any food no matter how exotic . This immediately paid dividends as now I enjoy a much larger range of food than I used to . I started to make decisions like this more often . Instead of safe , expensive flights between cities , I started choosing the cheap and rickety buses . This was also a money based choice and I figured it wasn 't going to hurt anybody except me to sit in a bus for 15 hours ( or 35 hours ) . I used all that time to listen to music , check out the views , write down some thoughts or ideas and the greatest thing was that I developed patience . Instead of getting flustered and annoyed and focusing on the negatives , I just put up and shut up and found it easier than I thought . So I had already increased my enjoyment of food and improved my patience . This was really paying off . It wasn 't all roses and kisses , though . On a number of occasions I got sick from eating a shoddy looking soup , or drinking some dirty tap water . This led to one or two sharts . Also there was a bus trip that went beyond developing patience and reached the point of fighting off pneumonia , when freezing my ass off travelling at 4000m altitude at night with dodgy windows that shake open as the bus rolls over bumpy dirt roads . But I survived didn 't I ? Now my stomach can handle dodgier foods and I 'm more accustomed to dealing with the cold . Then there was the shoddy drug deals , but even when getting ripped off I was still improving my Spanish . Always the self analyst I broke it down to the fact that taking a risk generally means you have to go through more to achieve something . Usually I would only do this if the increase in risk provided a potential increase in reward . The business graduate in me could draw a graph to give a visual representation of risk - reward theory , but I 'll spare you . However , I don 't think the business part of me fully understood risk . Like Lee always says ( quoting someone else who I can 't remember ) " The path is the goal . " Aside from any rewards in the end , the lessons learned getting there make it more than worth it ( maybe I didn 't understand reward now that I think about it ) . These risks continued to pay dividends either on the journey or after it , e . g . I took a risk when deciding to extend my stay in Bolivia a month to check out some park that let volunteers care for pumas . So now the theory was proven . I decided , when embarking on a three week trip through the South of Argentina , that by principle , when in doubt over a choice , I would choose the riskier one . This started with an ill - fated hitchhiking expedition , which began well enough with a few pick ups and ended with me sleeping in a cold garage behind a service station , woken up by a stray dog sniffing me and my bag . It ended with me standing through 7 hours of sunburn , not getting picked up by anybody and then catching a bus . The self analyst in me came back and observed my frustration . I came back to thinking about regrets . On this particular risk , it would have been cheaper , quicker , safer and easier to have never hitchhiked . But I thought if I never tried to hitchhike I would always be wondering what it 's like to do it . And now I want to try hitchhiking again . I imagine next time I hitchhike I will be better at it , more patient and enjoying the conversations with the drivers instead of being fixed on the final destination . No point in regretting that I took a risk . That 's the whole point of risk , it might not pay off . But a riskier situation causes you to be more alert and aware and you end up a smarter , more capable person for the experience . I recently watched Red Cliff ( the full Chinese release mind you ) and was pleased to see the prevalence of tea in the story . It 's not as if tea played a huge and impacting part on the story , but I found it was noticeable and delightful to say the least . In the movie the characters not only made the tea with great diligence and respect - when drinking it they appreciated like it was something that was prepared as such . Not just enjoying the flavour , but the colour and the aromas . Now this isn 't a rant on respecting the acting of tea - drinking ( though it is an effective vessel is which to convey the message ) , no - it 's a rant about moderation and the appreciation for the basic pleasures . There was a time a few years ago when I might have appreciated the large cup pictured above , now I realise that there is no benefit to having that much of something . But unfortunately our society often promotes the concept of more rather than the concept of appreciation . This is something that is all too common . When you think about it nothing good comes from consuming too much , you might end up forming a habit , and whatever it may be becoming something ordinary as opposed to special if you 'd only treated it in such a way . This is such a broad subject but it really does apply to anything , especially in a society where too much of just about every is available . So in lieu of Red Cliff and what prompted me to write about moderation , I 'd going to change the way I drink tea as a simple and basic start . I 've already done away with tea bags and over sized cups , but I 'd like to introduce more appreciation for other elements of tea , not just the flavour . Really , I 've been aware of this idea of moderation for a while now ( namely not over - eating so as not to get fat ) , but it really was only from a physical health perspective . Looking at it closer , I can see that the mental benefits are just as great . Gaining more pleasure from and appreciating the simplest things is infinitely rewarding . Oh yeah , there is one thing that you can 't do too much of - laughing . In 1988 , a billionaire named Ted Turner bought World Championship Wrestling , a fairly successful regional company . Turner decided to invest alot of money in his new business venture after seeing how much success the WWF was having , and this caused the wrestling boom of the 90 's . The Monday Night WarsKeep in mind that I will be writing a short version of the ' monday night wars ' story . There is a much more comprehensive recount on wikipedia . My version is here to gain some perspective on what it is like to be a wrestling fan in those years . In the early 90 's , WWF decided that a perfect way to capitalize on the success of the last few years was to create a weekly television show , complete with storylines , cliffhangers and lots of bad acting . It was called ' Raw Is War ' and it aired every monday night , bringing in steady viewership to the already thriving organization . So in true business style , Ted Turner 's WCW started it 's own two hour show in the same time - slot , naming it ' Monday Nitro ' . What was once a company run by people that had lived and breathed wrestling had now become a company run by businessmen . WCW , with it 's financially endowed owner , lured many of the top stars of the WWF with multi - million dollar paychecks and the promise of less hours on the road . The viewers started tuning in by the millions and by the 1996 , WCW was crushing the WWF in the ratings , but the quality of matches was at an all time low , with only a handful of wrestlers having the ability to go ten minutes without needing a break or running out of ideas . And this small handful of great wrestlers were on the lower card , which didn 't mean much to the people running WCW , since the ratings boom was due to one storyline in which all the biggest , most expensive wrestlers turned bad and created their own ' company ' . So even though there was millions of people tuning in , there was a fair chunk tuning out , wondering when it will be possible to find good wrestling on TV again . By 1995 american wrestling , which was once a thrilling , fun and athletic artform , was now becoming a bloated monopolized industry , represented to the public by two power hungry steroid banks only interested in the next nielson rating . But something was brewing , because when you alienate an audience , the audience becomes a subculture , left to their own devices to get the entertainment they want . And one man was listening . ECW ! ! ECW ! ! ECW ! ! In 1996 , a young promoter with a vision bought a little wrestling company called Eastern Championship Wrestling and renamed it Extreme Championship Wrestling . The young man was Paul Heyman , a native of New York with a background in managing wrestlers and a complete and utter passion for the art . Heyman was sick and tired of seeing these two giant companies try to sell wrestling to an audience that it wasn 't intended for . He understood that , since wrestling was a violent art by nature , there was people out there wanting more and better . More violence , better skill . And that 's what ECW stood for , great matches from passionate storytellers . Heyman banded together a group of the most talented guys in the country and was putting on shows at the Philadelphia Arena , shows that were like nothing ever seen , including the previous century of wrestling in that country . With no television deal , ECW held it 's first pay - per - view broadcast , including , for the first time , japanese wrestlers . It was a stunning spectacle , without the need for pyrotechnics . It was good wrestling , finally , and it was everything you couldn 't find with WCW or WWF . People had caught on and by the end of 1997 , ECW had a cult following of rabid fans . It was the exact same reason that punk happened in the 1970 's , as a response and natural reaction to the bloated and run of the mill sounds of late 70 's rock . The ECW fans didn 't want anything to do with the ' Big Two ' and they were loyal to the end . Finally there was a place to find good wrestling , the best America had ever seen . But it wouldn 't last for long . This is just a quick one to compensate for the length of my recent posts . Lee and I were talking last week and somehow we got to one of my simple mottos that I used overseas . It was mainly to help with decision making , I would just say to myself to ' Do what feels Right . ' Not to be confused with another motto I used : ' Do whatever is cheapest . ' The first time it happened ( I was like ' huh ? ' ) I needed to make an important decision when a sage - like entity from one of my infinite past lives appeared before me in a blinding flash of pulsating colour and say " Look into your heart , Eden . You will find the answer . It will guide you on your path . " Then the mushrooms wore off and it didn 't feel so right anymore … OK , that 's not entirely true . Sadly I wasn 't graced with the divine mentorship of my past life or a bag of mushrooms , but I genuinely did just rely on my heart and my gut , no matter how big or small the occasion . It wasn 't some experiment in spirituality or positivity ( although I 'm not discounting the chance that they had an impact ) , it was just natural feelings and instinct . It also shouldn 't be confused with selfish notions . I couldn 't just rape someone and say ' oh my dick thought it felt right … ' because to me ( and I hope the majority of the world ) to hurt someone else never feels right . This could get to an argument over perception of right and wrong , but I think deep down people can feel a universal truth of compassion ( I had to get a little spiritual ) . However , it didn 't always result in the most positive outcome , but this is where I learnt the best lesson . I saw a way to escape from regrets . If I made a choice that I felt was right in my heart or soul or whatever , how could I look back and blame myself for making a mistake when my intentions were good . I realised the world isn 't perfect , but if I always do what feels right then I will never have regrets . Welcome to Beatles on the Moon ! This is a blog by a group of friends . It 's kind of like Seinfeld - about nothing in particular , but really good . Although this blog is by friends , we invite anyone to offer up a blog . Just drop a comment somewhere and we 'll post it . " the blog is really good , I read the lot " - Tony Bovino
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I was supposed to pump at 6pm and due to dinner and movie rental returns , baths and well anything else that you can think of I didn 't actually do it until 8pm . Ahhh , so also I rented a movie for myself thinking I 'd curl up on the couch and have a bit of ' mommy time ' but it isn 't going to happen cause dinner dishes are collecting knats and my husband requested that I fix him a lunch ' when ever I have time ' and I 've got to pump at 11pm and it is 9 : 30pm now . . so I can 't possibly watch a whole movie before i go to bed imediately after I pump . . so much for that idea . I guess i 'll have another glass of milk and 5 bite size melted and resolidified candybars . Therapy today was wonderful , I was full of anxiety before my appointment because there is so much going on and I just knew I was going to cry . It wasn 't that I didn 't want to go , or that I didn 't want to cry , it was just a problem because crying isn 't ok in my mind . . . neither am I . . . I 'll explain . We talked about a LOT of issues ! P 's mom and her diagnosis , How P is doing , How C has been SUPER clingy lately especially when in trouble . . he just runs at me and throws his arms around my legs and acts all dramatic if anything isn 't going his way . . . it is so weird . More on that later . We talked about how F is doing better at sleeping , how my sister and one of my closest friends just had emergency c - sections , and how I have created a schedule to make sure that my children get baths ( I 'll explain more later ) . first things first , P 's mom and her issues . I personally have issues , I don 't really like her , I would never wish harm on her or try to make P feel like I do , or anything , but the fact is that if we were even in the same age group she would be that girl I didn 't want to hang out with but would occassionally because I didn 't want to hurt her feelings . P is convinced that I would feel differently and that we would be best friends . I mean this is his MOM that I 'm talking about . . . of course he would want the woman he Loves and the woman he loves to like each other . I capatalized that one Loves on purpose , it was how he said it , I asked him which woman was me , not that it really would have matered , but he assured me I 'm the one with the capital L . Next , C . . . oh my that boy ! He makes me feel good when I see him running at me , like I can solve all his problems with a little hug . . but that isn 't why he 's running at me . He wants reassurance , he wants to know that when things are not going right that mommy will still be there to love on him . That is compounded by the fact that he doesn 't know where ' home ' is right now . We just came back from my sister in laws house , we stayed there for almost 2 weeks and then came home . C said today as I was tucking him into his bed after waking him with the vacum that he wanted to ' go our other house ' . I told him we didnt ' have another house , that we were home , and that we wouldn 't be leaving again for a long time . I felt bad , we left so quickly , and then again rather suddenly without explaining anything to him . . no wonder he 's clinging to me , he 's nervous he might get lost in all this moving around and left behind ! My therapist said that was probably true but while reassuring him that no one would forget him I also should not give him the attention he 's asking for when he clings to me like that , but instead to wait until his method of soothing changes to something more acceptable ( since I can 't walk with him stuck to me ) and then acknowledge him and find out ways to get him to be obedient to the need of the moment but not to let his clinging to me get the credit for anything . My sister and friend 's c - sections . . . gosh the pain from my own FLARED up when I heard about my sisters . . . hers was after my friends . R ( my therapist ) said that it was normal and that my body was working on another stage of healing and that it was good that I was remembering things . I don 't know about that . . . I mean maybe in the long run , but at the moment I 'm no so thrilled about remembering them ! Then we got into weird talk . . . . i mentioned the bath schedule and how I was going to force myself to get through this fear that they will drown by just bathing them anyway , and trying to focus on the positives of bathing them , like that F is only 6 months old but can splash higher than C who is 2 , and how cute it is for them to bathe and play in the water . How it is actually helping F 's excema rather than making it worse , and several other things . Then R asked me about my own baths . I told her I take showers , and i guess from my ton of voice she realized I don 't like them . Which is funny cause I don 't . I don 't like to be naked , never have for as long as I can remember . I don 't know why , I 'm just not comfortable with me , and clothes do a pretty good job of hiding my body , or making it look better . As a preteen I was told that my ribs stuck out and that it made me look like I had four developing boobs instead of two . . . talk about embarassing ! And then there was that I like baths , I find comfort in the fact that bubbles and water can at least distort the image of my body unclathed , and the ' wall ' of the tub can ' hide ' me from anyone who might walk into the room . I also don 't like it when P opens the bathroom door while I 'm on the toilet . . I just can 't stand being naked or exposed in any way . . . . however marriage has changed some things . . I am ok so long as I can imagine that P likes the way I look when we are in bed . . . ok that is about the only thing that has changed . . . Anyway , I just don 't like the thought of being expossed . R said that it was a shame that I didn 't enjoy showers , because it was one of her favorite times in her day , relaxing and messing with the temperatures in the shower and just taking her sweet time . . . it sounds great , but showers are for business I guess . You get in you get clean and you get out . Yeah that 's what my mom said ! Here is something else my mom said " you are too old for baths " , She didn 't respect my fear of my brothers spying on me , though I 'm pretty sure they didn 't . She didn 't understand me at all . . . which isn 't a huge deal , but R said it was a shame my mom didn 't take my concerns seriously . I guess that would have been nice . My biggest concern ' was ' that I teach my children something that my parents never taught me , but expected me to know . . . ' how to take care of my body ' . I never learned how to wear make up , protested it actually , never knew how to take care of my hair and it was always frizzy and out of control , but I didn 't know it could look better , I brushed it ! I didn 't know how to shave my legs , and for my 13th birthday I got a brand new razor and was told to go take a shower . . I felt like telling my mom she just handed me a gun and stood me in the middle of a crouded room and told me to shoot a target I couldn 't see without hitting any of the people in the room . . but I managed . When it came to my period , I guess I just knew some of the things I needed to know , but not all of them . . . and what I didn 't know I found out . Heres a tid bit bright and pretty . . R asked me if I knew anything about my female parts and I laughed and told her my embarassing story . . . before P and I got married he said something about how it 'd be nice if I shaved , we 'd never had sex so I thought ' maybe I 'll try to do that . . . ? So I did and to my surprize things that are covered with hair don 't look anything like they do without and I honestly thought I was broken . . I looked up pictures on line and the whole time was swearing under my breathe that I just wanted to make sure I was normal and didn 't really want to see other girl 's vaginas , but of course that is what I saw and as quickly as my eyes could send the message to my brain that I was normal I closed the webpage and deleted my brousing history . . I lived in a jr apartment alone , who would have been looking at my browser history ? So anyway . . R informed me that 1 . I need to take a bath if that is what makes me comfortable , it certainly is a shame the water doesn 't cover my body like it did when I was a kid though . And 2 . I need to be more comfortable with myself . I think I have a lot of shame pent up in me , for nothing too ! I am ashamed when I cry because I was a super emotional child and my mom once told me I was ugly when I cried . I 'm afraid to be naked because perverts could be watching ( where does that come from ? ) . . . actually I know where that comes from . . . it comes from my 1st boyfriend . . I was in kindergarten . . yeah . . . he was my 1st boyfriend , my 2nd was when I turned 16 . Anyway , once at his house he showed me a tiny hole in the wall on the back side of the bathroom , no one would have ever noticed it before , but he did , and he used to watch someone , I can 't remember who , get changed in the bathroom . . . And then later I discovered that there was a similar hole in the wall in my own bathroom , you had to be in the stairwell going to the basement , and the basement had nothing in it so the only reason anyone would be in the stairwell was to look through that hole ( at least in my mind anyway ) . And then there is the ONE time I ever ventured a look at myself , I must have been in 1st grade , I saw , and then I stopped , and never looked again . Not sure why , but I was ashamed that I 'd even looked then . Gahh . . so i guess when you hear that therapists and pychologist want to blame everything on your childhood . . maybe there is some truth to that . . I mean I 'm finding a lot of things from my past have really come to bite me now ! Anyway . . I 'm tired and need to get to bed . . just thought I 'd share , I 'm sure you wanted to know all about how uncomfortable I am naked and how I hate crying in front of people because it isn 't something they should see . Ok , I 've been gone awhile , but I 've also beem thinking a long time about what to say here . . . and also trying to remember what was already said , bur rgar is the problem with limiting your internet time you miss stuff . . . I 've been seeing a therapist for a month now , she is great . but sometimes I worry that she will think I 'm ok and just say ' you don 't need to come back anymore ' and then the very next week I 'll totally flip out ! It hasn 't happened yet , but I have a somewhat good reason to feel that way . A few weeks ago we were given the bad news that a relative had been diagnosed with cancer , and that their body was not behaving itself and that they may die . needless to say we jumped , packed and ran / drove to see them as quickly and safely as possible , this meant me packing with two kids in tow , canceling appointments , rescheduling others , returning library books so they wouldn 't be overdue , and movies that had been rented , and since my dryer was acting up bringing two loads of wet laundry to a friends house to be sure they would be dry for our trip . And finding someone to come take care of our dogs while we were gone . . . amazingly I did it ! and it worked out really well even though I was totally stressed out , and not totally in love with the person I was about to be going to visit . . . but I am totally in love with the man I married who is a very good son to his mother and wouldn 't have missed the opportunity . Gosh that makes me sound like a shrew I think , but I just don 't know her as well as others , and have a fear / hate for hospitals and people who may die in them since my grandmother died of staff infection . ( another story entirely ) . . . . anyway I did all that stuff to get ready while my husband went to work , got special leave through the red - cross to get out of work , and then went to get some new tires on his car and an oil change before our drive . While we were visiting this sick relative i received a text message from one of my closest friends , who was only 34weeks ( barely ) pregnant with her first baby , a girl , she was about to have a planned c - section followed by an operation on her intestines to remove some scar tissue that was causing an obstruction and a lot of pain for her . This was heart wrenching for me , not only because I know this sweet girl had hopes of a much more ' happy ' pregnancy , but also because I know how a c - section can totally alter your world , especially when you plan something so entirely different . I think though that she thought once the operation was done things would go back to normal quickly , and as it turns out it has been a month since she was admitted to the hospital and a week since baby was born , and she still has an obstruction and is in pain and has had to give up her ideals of breastfeeding because taking care of her own pain , and doing what she needs to take care of herself and then trying to get such a tiny baby to latch and then pumping to increase and initiate her breastmilk supply has just been too much for her . I find it sad , that so many things have happened to and around her , I pray all the time for her . . . today she called me , describing a pain that is so near my own and a fear of not being what she had hoped , I just wanted to jump the thousand miles that seperates us and show her she is doing a fabulous job and encourage her . . . she feels seperated from friends and family and has been stuck in the hospital too long . . . A few days after returning to my own home ( the trip was great the family member is doing much better than expected ) i recived a call about my sister who has been on bedrest for a month in her own pregnancy due to a placenta previa , she started bleeding for the third time . She was at this point 32 weeks 6 days pregnant . . . they preformed a c - section this last friday . her baby is healthy but only 4lbs 8oz , and needs some assistance with breathing . My sister seems to be dealing with her circumstances pretty well , but she also only JUST went through them . . My friend has had a litle time to reflect on what she 's been through and baby while still new is doing great and she is now able to truely grieve the loss of a perfect birth story . When i heard about my sister my scar began to burn . . . literally the whole thing just ached ! I never knew that your brain could recall a pain like this and make it real ! My therapist has asked me several times if i could feel the pain when I remembered the situation and until now I could honestly say ' no ' just a normal healing type pain . . or when my pants rub a little too much on the scar it hurts , but this was totally different . . still only the skin and not the muscle ( thank you Jesus ) that hurt , but it was strange , and still now when i think of either of the girls that have just been through this my belly begins to burn with a fresh pain . I tried to tell myself ' their pain is not your own , they might be dealing better than you did ' . . . but then my dear friend called and my heart just broke for her ! She is having a lot of emotions , and she is stuck in that room in the hospital and just wants it all to be over , and laments about the facts surrounding her babies birth ! I 'm so sorry I can 't be more for you dear friend ! ! ! ! !
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I was supposed to pump at 6pm and due to dinner and movie rental returns , baths and well anything else that you can think of I didn 't actually do it until 8pm . Ahhh , so also I rented a movie for myself thinking I 'd curl up on the couch and have a bit of ' mommy time ' but it isn 't going to happen cause dinner dishes are collecting knats and my husband requested that I fix him a lunch ' when ever I have time ' and I 've got to pump at 11pm and it is 9 : 30pm now . . so I can 't possibly watch a whole movie before i go to bed imediately after I pump . . so much for that idea . I guess i 'll have another glass of milk and 5 bite size melted and resolidified candybars . Therapy today was wonderful , I was full of anxiety before my appointment because there is so much going on and I just knew I was going to cry . It wasn 't that I didn 't want to go , or that I didn 't want to cry , it was just a problem because crying isn 't ok in my mind . . . neither am I . . . I 'll explain . We talked about a LOT of issues ! P 's mom and her diagnosis , How P is doing , How C has been SUPER clingy lately especially when in trouble . . he just runs at me and throws his arms around my legs and acts all dramatic if anything isn 't going his way . . . it is so weird . More on that later . We talked about how F is doing better at sleeping , how my sister and one of my closest friends just had emergency c - sections , and how I have created a schedule to make sure that my children get baths ( I 'll explain more later ) . first things first , P 's mom and her issues . I personally have issues , I don 't really like her , I would never wish harm on her or try to make P feel like I do , or anything , but the fact is that if we were even in the same age group she would be that girl I didn 't want to hang out with but would occassionally because I didn 't want to hurt her feelings . P is convinced that I would feel differently and that we would be best friends . I mean this is his MOM that I 'm talking about . . . of course he would want the woman he Loves and the woman he loves to like each other . I capatalized that one Loves on purpose , it was how he said it , I asked him which woman was me , not that it really would have matered , but he assured me I 'm the one with the capital L . Next , C . . . oh my that boy ! He makes me feel good when I see him running at me , like I can solve all his problems with a little hug . . but that isn 't why he 's running at me . He wants reassurance , he wants to know that when things are not going right that mommy will still be there to love on him . That is compounded by the fact that he doesn 't know where ' home ' is right now . We just came back from my sister in laws house , we stayed there for almost 2 weeks and then came home . C said today as I was tucking him into his bed after waking him with the vacum that he wanted to ' go our other house ' . I told him we didnt ' have another house , that we were home , and that we wouldn 't be leaving again for a long time . I felt bad , we left so quickly , and then again rather suddenly without explaining anything to him . . no wonder he 's clinging to me , he 's nervous he might get lost in all this moving around and left behind ! My therapist said that was probably true but while reassuring him that no one would forget him I also should not give him the attention he 's asking for when he clings to me like that , but instead to wait until his method of soothing changes to something more acceptable ( since I can 't walk with him stuck to me ) and then acknowledge him and find out ways to get him to be obedient to the need of the moment but not to let his clinging to me get the credit for anything . My sister and friend 's c - sections . . . gosh the pain from my own FLARED up when I heard about my sisters . . . hers was after my friends . R ( my therapist ) said that it was normal and that my body was working on another stage of healing and that it was good that I was remembering things . I don 't know about that . . . I mean maybe in the long run , but at the moment I 'm no so thrilled about remembering them ! Then we got into weird talk . . . . i mentioned the bath schedule and how I was going to force myself to get through this fear that they will drown by just bathing them anyway , and trying to focus on the positives of bathing them , like that F is only 6 months old but can splash higher than C who is 2 , and how cute it is for them to bathe and play in the water . How it is actually helping F 's excema rather than making it worse , and several other things . Then R asked me about my own baths . I told her I take showers , and i guess from my ton of voice she realized I don 't like them . Which is funny cause I don 't . I don 't like to be naked , never have for as long as I can remember . I don 't know why , I 'm just not comfortable with me , and clothes do a pretty good job of hiding my body , or making it look better . As a preteen I was told that my ribs stuck out and that it made me look like I had four developing boobs instead of two . . . talk about embarassing ! And then there was that I like baths , I find comfort in the fact that bubbles and water can at least distort the image of my body unclathed , and the ' wall ' of the tub can ' hide ' me from anyone who might walk into the room . I also don 't like it when P opens the bathroom door while I 'm on the toilet . . I just can 't stand being naked or exposed in any way . . . . however marriage has changed some things . . I am ok so long as I can imagine that P likes the way I look when we are in bed . . . ok that is about the only thing that has changed . . . Anyway , I just don 't like the thought of being expossed . R said that it was a shame that I didn 't enjoy showers , because it was one of her favorite times in her day , relaxing and messing with the temperatures in the shower and just taking her sweet time . . . it sounds great , but showers are for business I guess . You get in you get clean and you get out . Yeah that 's what my mom said ! Here is something else my mom said " you are too old for baths " , She didn 't respect my fear of my brothers spying on me , though I 'm pretty sure they didn 't . She didn 't understand me at all . . . which isn 't a huge deal , but R said it was a shame my mom didn 't take my concerns seriously . I guess that would have been nice . My biggest concern ' was ' that I teach my children something that my parents never taught me , but expected me to know . . . ' how to take care of my body ' . I never learned how to wear make up , protested it actually , never knew how to take care of my hair and it was always frizzy and out of control , but I didn 't know it could look better , I brushed it ! I didn 't know how to shave my legs , and for my 13th birthday I got a brand new razor and was told to go take a shower . . I felt like telling my mom she just handed me a gun and stood me in the middle of a crouded room and told me to shoot a target I couldn 't see without hitting any of the people in the room . . but I managed . When it came to my period , I guess I just knew some of the things I needed to know , but not all of them . . . and what I didn 't know I found out . Heres a tid bit bright and pretty . . R asked me if I knew anything about my female parts and I laughed and told her my embarassing story . . . before P and I got married he said something about how it 'd be nice if I shaved , we 'd never had sex so I thought ' maybe I 'll try to do that . . . ? So I did and to my surprize things that are covered with hair don 't look anything like they do without and I honestly thought I was broken . . I looked up pictures on line and the whole time was swearing under my breathe that I just wanted to make sure I was normal and didn 't really want to see other girl 's vaginas , but of course that is what I saw and as quickly as my eyes could send the message to my brain that I was normal I closed the webpage and deleted my brousing history . . I lived in a jr apartment alone , who would have been looking at my browser history ? So anyway . . R informed me that 1 . I need to take a bath if that is what makes me comfortable , it certainly is a shame the water doesn 't cover my body like it did when I was a kid though . And 2 . I need to be more comfortable with myself . I think I have a lot of shame pent up in me , for nothing too ! I am ashamed when I cry because I was a super emotional child and my mom once told me I was ugly when I cried . I 'm afraid to be naked because perverts could be watching ( where does that come from ? ) . . . actually I know where that comes from . . . it comes from my 1st boyfriend . . I was in kindergarten . . yeah . . . he was my 1st boyfriend , my 2nd was when I turned 16 . Anyway , once at his house he showed me a tiny hole in the wall on the back side of the bathroom , no one would have ever noticed it before , but he did , and he used to watch someone , I can 't remember who , get changed in the bathroom . . . And then later I discovered that there was a similar hole in the wall in my own bathroom , you had to be in the stairwell going to the basement , and the basement had nothing in it so the only reason anyone would be in the stairwell was to look through that hole ( at least in my mind anyway ) . And then there is the ONE time I ever ventured a look at myself , I must have been in 1st grade , I saw , and then I stopped , and never looked again . Not sure why , but I was ashamed that I 'd even looked then . Gahh . . so i guess when you hear that therapists and pychologist want to blame everything on your childhood . . maybe there is some truth to that . . I mean I 'm finding a lot of things from my past have really come to bite me now ! Anyway . . I 'm tired and need to get to bed . . just thought I 'd share , I 'm sure you wanted to know all about how uncomfortable I am naked and how I hate crying in front of people because it isn 't something they should see . Ok , I 've been gone awhile , but I 've also beem thinking a long time about what to say here . . . and also trying to remember what was already said , bur rgar is the problem with limiting your internet time you miss stuff . . . I 've been seeing a therapist for a month now , she is great . but sometimes I worry that she will think I 'm ok and just say ' you don 't need to come back anymore ' and then the very next week I 'll totally flip out ! It hasn 't happened yet , but I have a somewhat good reason to feel that way . A few weeks ago we were given the bad news that a relative had been diagnosed with cancer , and that their body was not behaving itself and that they may die . needless to say we jumped , packed and ran / drove to see them as quickly and safely as possible , this meant me packing with two kids in tow , canceling appointments , rescheduling others , returning library books so they wouldn 't be overdue , and movies that had been rented , and since my dryer was acting up bringing two loads of wet laundry to a friends house to be sure they would be dry for our trip . And finding someone to come take care of our dogs while we were gone . . . amazingly I did it ! and it worked out really well even though I was totally stressed out , and not totally in love with the person I was about to be going to visit . . . but I am totally in love with the man I married who is a very good son to his mother and wouldn 't have missed the opportunity . Gosh that makes me sound like a shrew I think , but I just don 't know her as well as others , and have a fear / hate for hospitals and people who may die in them since my grandmother died of staff infection . ( another story entirely ) . . . . anyway I did all that stuff to get ready while my husband went to work , got special leave through the red - cross to get out of work , and then went to get some new tires on his car and an oil change before our drive . While we were visiting this sick relative i received a text message from one of my closest friends , who was only 34weeks ( barely ) pregnant with her first baby , a girl , she was about to have a planned c - section followed by an operation on her intestines to remove some scar tissue that was causing an obstruction and a lot of pain for her . This was heart wrenching for me , not only because I know this sweet girl had hopes of a much more ' happy ' pregnancy , but also because I know how a c - section can totally alter your world , especially when you plan something so entirely different . I think though that she thought once the operation was done things would go back to normal quickly , and as it turns out it has been a month since she was admitted to the hospital and a week since baby was born , and she still has an obstruction and is in pain and has had to give up her ideals of breastfeeding because taking care of her own pain , and doing what she needs to take care of herself and then trying to get such a tiny baby to latch and then pumping to increase and initiate her breastmilk supply has just been too much for her . I find it sad , that so many things have happened to and around her , I pray all the time for her . . . today she called me , describing a pain that is so near my own and a fear of not being what she had hoped , I just wanted to jump the thousand miles that seperates us and show her she is doing a fabulous job and encourage her . . . she feels seperated from friends and family and has been stuck in the hospital too long . . . A few days after returning to my own home ( the trip was great the family member is doing much better than expected ) i recived a call about my sister who has been on bedrest for a month in her own pregnancy due to a placenta previa , she started bleeding for the third time . She was at this point 32 weeks 6 days pregnant . . . they preformed a c - section this last friday . her baby is healthy but only 4lbs 8oz , and needs some assistance with breathing . My sister seems to be dealing with her circumstances pretty well , but she also only JUST went through them . . My friend has had a litle time to reflect on what she 's been through and baby while still new is doing great and she is now able to truely grieve the loss of a perfect birth story . When i heard about my sister my scar began to burn . . . literally the whole thing just ached ! I never knew that your brain could recall a pain like this and make it real ! My therapist has asked me several times if i could feel the pain when I remembered the situation and until now I could honestly say ' no ' just a normal healing type pain . . or when my pants rub a little too much on the scar it hurts , but this was totally different . . still only the skin and not the muscle ( thank you Jesus ) that hurt , but it was strange , and still now when i think of either of the girls that have just been through this my belly begins to burn with a fresh pain . I tried to tell myself ' their pain is not your own , they might be dealing better than you did ' . . . but then my dear friend called and my heart just broke for her ! She is having a lot of emotions , and she is stuck in that room in the hospital and just wants it all to be over , and laments about the facts surrounding her babies birth ! I 'm so sorry I can 't be more for you dear friend ! ! ! ! !
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The owners thoughtfully let us come about a half - hour early to avoid the lines . An unusually pleasant December breeze blew in and around us as we waited for the ride to start . They also turned down the loud holiday music for our trailer full of sensory - anxious riders . The J - Man was distressed before we started to move . He didn 't want to sit down . Then we pulled away from the barn , and the motion and vibration instantly calmed him . It 's dark out there in the country , which made the light displays that much more vibrant . Dale Jr . was beside himself with glee as each set of lights burst into every Christmas shape , figure , and character you could imagine . The J - Man sat there , body still and close to my arm , eyes looking around , taking it all in . The two of them sat between Mary and me , the four of us soaking in this holiday moment together . Dale Jr . narrated each amazing thing he saw , which was everything . Each new moment was a revelation to him . I felt the J - Man 's body relax into the right side of mine . His passive , inscrutable face began to brighten . That twinkle we know and love as much as life itself appeared in his eyes . His mouth went from grin to smile , that perfect smile that makes him look like Mary 's little twin . We rode on through the night surrounded by thousands of lights , our children 's faces filled each with their own unique wonder . Mary and I met each other 's eyes and knew without ever saying a word . That moment was pure magic , a moment you wait and hope for . The four of us together awash in the joy and peace that truly represent what the holidays are all about . We are surrounded by friends - children and families from the autism program at our school . Everybody has their own needs and challenges , but there we were together , out in the wilderness , literally encircled by light . And I think , there is no more perfect symbol for our lives than this . I thought about how challenging public outings have been for us over the years , sometimes completely impossible . Going out as a family has been painfully hard at times with two kids with very different personalities and needs . I thought about how much we 've practiced all the skills and strategies . To the unknowing observer , we looked like any other family enjoying the lights and each other . Deep down we knew that this Christmas gift was years in the making , coming through faithfully working and waiting , attending to what is important , and believing in all the goodness that comes into our world just because of who we are together . The hayride ended , we got off , and we went in search of Santa . We hadn 't had a successful , formal Santa picture in years . We honestly stopped trying . We 've seen no need to stress our J - Man out at our mall over a picture . But a very understanding Santa was there in a large sleigh ( no crowding or needing to be too close ) . J - Man cautiously climbed in at Santa 's right , Dale Jr . nervously to his left and completely in awe of the mythical figure . Mary and I stood on either side of the sleigh , and the photographer snapped our picture . This would be our first family portrait in over two years . While we waited on the photo to print , we all sat outside together at a picnic table next to a roaring fire . For a minute , no one made a sound , not even the normally chatty Dale Jr . We just stared into the fire as its light danced and flickered up to the heavens . Filed Under : Blog Tagged With : Achievements , Celebrate , Family , Perspective , Public , Reflections , Sensory Issues , Sensory Processing Disorder , SPDOperation Dining Time - Part Two August 7 , 2012 by Tim [ I know it 's been eons since we last posted . I 've been devoting almost all my free time to a new project I 'm really excited about . Details are coming soon , but the first phase of this project involves the release of my new book ! In the meantime , here 's the continuation of our Operation Dining Time posts and our rip - roaring success of helping our J - Man become a less picky eater ! ] We set as our shoot - for - the - moon goal 26 new foods by June 30 , the end of the school year . The new foods marathon ( where 26 came from ) was suggested by the teachers as a marketing ploy since I 've run a couple of marathons now . 🙂 This gave us a period of about five weeks to do what seemed unthinkable . When we set the goal , he 'd only tried a small number of new foods . Remember , we started with just six foods , the same six he 'd eaten for years . Since we started ODT , he 'd only added a few more to that point . Shooting for 26 more on top of that really did feel like we were aiming for the moon . The amazing news is that we finished the marathon new foods goal with plenty of time to spare . We had 16 days left when we hit 26 foods ! So , we just kept going . By the June 30 date , he 'd tried by our count 44 new foods ! It may even have been more than that , but we sorta lost track ! Let 's all let that sink in a minute . This child ate six foods total up until we started making these changes . He 'd been stuck in this diet pattern for years . This doesn 't mean he loved all these foods , but he did try them . We didn 't expect him to enjoy everything he tried - who does ? - but his willingness to experiment and courage to try were the most important things . We believe that with this so much more becomes possible . The main part of the diet change for us was getting over the inertia at the beginning . Autism defenses don 't give up easily . Even if your child shows interest in new foods and a genuine desire to eat them , these habitual patterns are hard for them to get past . These patterns were established and took root over a period of months and years . Think of it like trying to uproot a tree that 's been in one place that long . Not easy . The key is to find the most motivating and positive ways to chip away at the mountain you want to get beyond . We offered J a bite of new food followed by a bite of one of his old , preferred foods . Think of these motivations like clearing paths in overgrowth for them to walk on more easily when trying to find a way around these defenses . You have to be consistent , though . Offer the new food but don 't give the preferred reward food until your child eats the new food . We still have to use this approach . For instance , we recently asked him to eat a few bites of corn and peas ( not mixed , of course ! ) , which at first he was not interested in . We said if he just tried a bite of either one , he could have a bite of something he liked . For an entire meal , he rejected this . So , we ended up skipping that meal entirely . This was at lunch , and he 'd had a good breakfast so no harm would come from skipping lunch . At his afternoon snack , he still resisted for a short while , but eventually his interest in eating something overrode his defenses . He not only tried them but ate the entire portion of both the corn and peas . He got his preferred foods , and then all was well . Your child may legitimately not like the new food , of course . We set the rule that he at least has to try it a few times before rejecting it as a food he doesn 't like . We note his reaction . We 're pretty good about reading his expressions , especially because he 's minimally verbal . Interestingly , the end result so far is that he 's more or less made himself mostly vegetarian . Actually except for some cheese , he 's pretty close to vegan . He hasn 't much cared for any of the meats . We aren 't pushing any specific diet on him since our goal has been to expose him to as much variety as possible , but if this is ultimately his choice , we 'll be happy to honor it . We tend to introduce foods we think he 'll like based on what he 's eaten before and what foods he prefers . Examples : Apples because he likes applesauce , and they 're crunchy like the crunchy foods he likes . He will go through a bag of apples every few days now ! Cheese toast because he likes buttered toast . Cheese with a saltier flavor ( mozzarella string cheese ) because he likes salty snacks , though he hasn 't much cared for cheese on its own . And so on . We 'll occasionally introduce an ' out there ' food that 's pretty far off the path when compared to other foods he 's tried simply to see what will happen . Inertia and friction have a couple of lessons here . With inertia , it 's hard to get something moving , but once you do it builds momentum and gets harder and harder to stop . With friction , it takes more pushing to get a stationary object going , but friction actually decreases as an object starts moving . ( See , my college degree finally is getting some use ! ) He did initially lose quite a bit of weight . At first this was because of his resistance to eating what we offered . Even when he started eating much more , he kept losing for a while . Depending on your child 's current diet , this strikes me as a likely thing to happen . J was eating tons of snack carbohydrates before , and any of you who have tried to diet likely know that carbs also make you retain water , up to three times as much water as the carbs you take in . He lost over the first three weeks or so about 5 pounds , or a little under 10 % of his body weight . But now he eats a lot and has gained all that weight back plus a smidge , except now it 's with a diet better than most people we know ! The magic moment happened at his class 's end of school year party . There he was sitting at the table with his classmates , eating a cupcake just like they all were . It 's hard to express just how miraculous this feels . It was all so perfect . Every time we 've gone somewhere , we 've either had to bring his snacks to eat or just accept he won 't sit at the table and eat what the other kids are . To many this would seem like a little thing . Most parents probably never notice , but this is one of the hard fought victories autism parents and their children win that they never forget . For the first time ever , we added a fair amount of money to his school lunch account . When whatever is being served that day contains foods he likes ( or sorta likes ) , he can get lunch with the other students . This is such an enormous victory that I can 't even begin to tell you , though many of you already understand . I honestly wasn 't sure this day would ever come , but it has . The short answer is , not really . I admit that this is a bit of a disappointment . It wasn 't the main reason we did all this , but we were hoping for some additional benefits along these lines . Physiologically , his digestion has overall seemed somewhat better , though recently it seems to be getting dodgy again . For a while he seemed calmer , but that was only temporary . He seems about as fidgety and sensory seeking as ever . He was already having a good school year so it would be hard to discern whether any improvements were diet - related or not . I imagine it had to help some . Nothing I 'd call a quantum leap at school or anything , though . Same with communication - he 's still improving gradually but surely . Like I said , while we hoped for additional benefits , that really wasn 't why we did it . We were concerned about his long - term eating and health habits . We knew that habits get harder and harder to change as kids get older and that teachers in higher grades are going to be much less likely to participate in this kind of program than are elementary school teachers . Mostly , it was simply time . You always hope some other obstacles will break loose for him and bring about more exciting changes . Such wishing is perfectly normal . But our successes here will translate into others as yet unknown , and we have much now to build from . Filed Under : Blog Tagged With : Achievements , Advice , Behavior , Celebrate , Diet , Eating , Feeding Issues , Food , School , Sensory Issues , Sensory Processing Disorder , SPDOperation Dining Time - Week One June 19 , 2012 by Tim [ If you 've been following us on Facebook , you know that we 've been in the midst of completely overhauling J 's diet . To date , he has tried 27 new foods in three weeks ! At the request of numerous people , we 're going to write up what we 've done to get him to try new foods . The plan at this point is to post this in sections and then compile the whole thing in one place . You can also read a general overview that Tim wrote over on Special - ism . Stay tuned . ] This is the story of a family desperate to get their son to eat more than seven foods . Yes . Seven foods . It used to be six foods , but we added pretzels in the last year . Note that these seven foods were highly specialized - it couldn 't be just chicken nuggets ; it had to be Tyson Breast Nuggets ( only sold in boxes ) straight from the freezer to the microwave on one special kind of plate . It had to be Tostitos Bite Sized Rounds tortilla chips . It had to be Premium brand saltine crackers . Heck , we celebrated when we got the J - man to eat the snack food from a SQUARE container instead of a RECTANGULAR container . Together with the J - man 's teachers and therapists ( aka World 's Greatest Teachers ) , we devised a plan to begin adding new foods to his diet . The J - man had shown interest in other foods ( ABSOLUTELY the first step , or we never would have tried it . He had to be ready to do this too ! ) . We expected it to be a very long process to even add ONE new food , since every time we tried before , the J - man simply wouldn 't try the food , or would " kiss it " or " touch it to his face " or do all those other things the experts tell you to do . We decided all the adults had to be completely invested in the process , and that we would cheer each other on to stay strong . The J - man 's teachers came up with an amazingly structured program for him . They came up with new terms for eating that we had never used before , because we thought part of the problem was his expectation regarding word meanings - before , " taste " had simply meant " touch it to your lips " and " eat " had meant " here , have one of your preferred seven foods . " They changed it up . Before , the J - man was a " grazer " - we didn 't have set meal times , and when he was hungry , he simply asked for one of his preferred foods , and we hopped up and got that for him . ( I spent a lot of time hopping up to get someone food instead of eating my own meals . ) We decided on set meal times , and had to stick to them . Most important for the J - man , we allowed him to be hungry . Really hungry . We found out that hunger was a pretty darn good motivator for him . One new food will be introduced at a time . Cheese will be the first food . We will use string cheese cut into small pieces . Teachers and parents will discuss when it is time to introduce a new food . One tiny bite of the new food will be given at each dining time . The J - man must first eat the bite of new food - and then will get his designated food for that meal . If he does not eat the tiny bite of new food , then he does not get his designated food . The new food will then be presented at the next meal time . Applesauce will no longer be given during meal times . ( Ed . Note : we use applesauce as the medium to get ground - up vitamins and allergy medications - as well as melatonin at night - into the J - man . We decided from the beginning not to give that up , but we lowered the volume of applesauce given dramatically , and it 's ONLY given to get him to take meds morning and night . ) The table setup . Visual instructions for eating ( face blurred because picture is of another child - but pretend the child is demonstrating the action ) ; " dining time " strip from the picture schedule ; First / Then ( in this case it says " First cucumber , Then snack " - since we have a lot of new firsts and he can read , we just wrote out ' cucumber ' ) Larger version of visual instructions for eating . We had to invent a whole new vocabulary since certain words like eating , tasting , chewing , etc . have specific meanings to him , meanings that aren 't quite correct , and changing a meaning of something once it 's entrenched in his vocabulary is very hard . The teachers also created a video of the child in the pictures actually EATING the food , while they voiced the steps one takes to try a new food . The J - man liked the video , and wanted to watch it over and over , which was fine with us ! We also turned it on while he was at the table for Dining Time , along with having the picture cards above and beside his plate . Days 1 and 2 : The first 40 hours , the J - man ate only the 3 tiny bowls of applesauce . We didn 't totally restrict fluids ( of course ) but we did not allow him to simply drink the calories he needed either . He followed us around , asking for foods by name , because we had put away the food card . We only offered food at meal times , and always only offered the new food first . If he refused to try the new food for 10 minutes , we put all food away until the next meal time . ( This is the part where you feel like the world 's shittiest parent , by the way . ) The J - man actually got kind of pale and shaky looking by the second Lunch Time , and that 's where the World 's Greatest Teachers stepped it up again . They wrote a Social Story explaining that the reason his tummy hurt was that he was HUNGRY , and the way to NOT be hungry was to " Put food on tongue . " They wrangled a piece of string cheese into his mouth and literally manually moved his jaws to get him to chew it while they held his hands … and he swallowed it . They immediately gave him a tortilla chip ( reward food ) . That was going to be it - he was going to get to eat ANY preferred food he wanted for the rest of that Dining Time period . The original goal was 1 bite of new food , then say , a plate of nuggets , or a container of snack , or a full piece of toast . Instead , because he 's just awesome , the J - man assumed he had to eat another piece of cheese to get the reward food , and so he DID ! He ended up eating almost two whole pieces of string cheese that day , with reward foods following each bite . Tim and I were called to the school to watch the magic happen during Snack Time , and to make sure that the J - man would eat for us as well . And so he did , although he did test us first to make sure we would also make him eat the new food . We went the next couple of days , adding in grilled chicken and apple slices . The J - man tried a new tactic - holding the chewed food in his mouth until someone wasn 't looking , then spitting it out . We and the teachers waited him out . Waiting him out seemed to be a common theme . We found that grilled chicken wasn 't his favorite protein , but that he would eat it if hungry enough . By Friday though , we sent in 2 more new foods - baby carrots and strawberries - both foods he had shown an interest in before . And , he tried them . He liked them both . But he would still only eat a new food with a snack food as reward . Nuggets were not a big enough motivator for him . So , World 's Greatest Teachers changed it up again . Today I achieved something momentous , and I almost missed it . I completed my 1 , 000th mile since I decided to start running again and taking control of my health in August 2010 . I 've run well over 800 of those miles in 2011 , including a marathon in March . Just to give you some idea , a thousand miles is approximately the distance from New York City to Daytona Beach , Florida , and farther than the distance between New York City and St . Louis , Missouri . To which I thought to myself , Holy crap ! I can 't believe I did that ! With over a year 's worth of perspective , I better comprehend what a deep mess I was in last year . You can read all about The Great Burnout , but the short of it is that I was physically and emotionally exhausted and in trouble . It was a real low point in my life . It was either do something or fall apart . I am obviously glad of the choice I made . Little did I know where it all would lead . I remember very well that August day last year , a couple of days before our wedding anniversary as a matter of fact . I laced up a clunky pair of running shoes , strapped on my iPod , and headed out the door for Week 1 , Day 1 of the Couch - to - 5K program . It primarily involved a walking warm up , alternating 60 seconds of running with 90 seconds of walking for 20 minutes , a walking cool down , and beaching myself on the couch after the effort . I felt like I weighed every bit of the almost 235 pounds I was then . I plodded along slowly and completed the workout in one piece . It was a manageable effort , and I felt satisfied . I had started , and that , it turns out , was the first step on an amazing journey . The workouts got much harder . All I wanted to do was complete the 5K autism run that October with a goal of finishing in under 30 minutes . My knees started killing me . I fell back into a despair . But I knew I couldn 't quit . Much more than a 5K was on the line . I was on the line . I told my body I was taking a few days off , but then it was on , regardless of the pain . I don 't normally recommend running in that much pain , but my situation called for desperate action . I pushed through it , completed my training , and eventually finished that 5K in 28 : 52 , with a knee that looked rather like a large grapefruit . I didn 't care . I felt like I was coming back for good . One thing led to another . My runs got longer . Then one day while on a long run , in a fit of pique , inspiration , or sheer insanity - or all of the above - I decided to set the biggest goal I 'd ever thought about going after . I decided to complete a marathon three months from that day . This past March , eight - and - a - half months after I started running again , I crossed the finish line and completed my first marathon . It is true what they say . The finish line of your first marathon is a transition line for your entire life . You cross over , and your life is never the same again . And it hasn 't been . It showed me that if you keep taking one step after another , anything is possible . That 's what the J - Man first taught me . His life and growth are a series of steps - some small , some enormous leaps - each hard - won . No particular one may be all that glamourous or noteworthy all by itself , but when slowly but surely added together , they create magic . This is one of the wows of autism . And for me personally , I 've discovered this is one of the wows of life itself . I have tried to apply what our J - Man has taught me to my health and fitness , to my work , and to my life . It 's working . I think I get it now . I may be a slow learner , but I have an excellent teacher . I feel more confident in adding new and harder running goals , working to get our lives in better order , and growing my work and hopefully my income , too . I feel like I have some idea what the heck I 'm doing now . Our J - Man showed me the way to believe again . There 's no magic plan here for you to follow . There 's no checklist to fill out and work through . It 's not quick or easy . You can 't make an infomercial out of it . You most likely won 't get results any time soon , but you will get them . You just decide what your heart wants most , and you go get it . You go outside your proverbial or literal front door , you take a step , then another , and you don 't quit until you get there . There will be setbacks and detours , you will often doubt whether you can do it , but if you keep your eyes on the goal and never quit , you will get there . I made that journey of a thousand miles . It taught me enough lessons to fill a book . And now I get to begin another journey . Where it will take me next will be beyond anything I can yet imagine . I know it . So today I take that next , single step . Our J - Man is starting to string syllables together . Not many , but he 's doing it . He 's slowly but surely doing it without prompting . It rarely exceeds three or four halting words , but he 's doing it . After so long doubting that he would ever really talk , as I was pulling into the driveway the other morning , for the first time something struck me . I started crying in the car . I believe it now . I really believe it . He 's going to talk , and he 's going to tell us about wonders we never imagined possible . But I see how hard he works at trying to communicate verbally . I see him get so frustrated and upset at being unable to get his point across . I want to know how he feels , what he thinks about , how he sees the world . I want desperately to find some way to unlock his voice . I don 't care if that 's via his voice box , an iPad , or something else . But I feel him trying to show us how much he wants to figure out how to use his own voice . The more Dale Jr . talks , the more amazing things I realize he has to say . And I feel more like a failure as a parent that I haven 't found a way to help our J - Man do the same . Recently he has been scripting some . He 's stringing together sounds , syllables , and approximations to repeat things he hears , often from kids ' shows he likes such as the " Here 's the Mail " song in Blue 's Clues and the intro song to Pinky Dinky Doo . These are motivators for him , and we are all about those especially since so little historically has been a strong motivator for him . They are familiar , they give him something to focus on , he can use them to practice sounds , and most of all , they make him happy . I know we all have kids spanning the entire communication spectrum , so to be clear , he 's not suddenly uttering these crystal clear sentences . Some words are shortened - some to the point they sound like rapid , breathless speech . Some of his syllables vary greatly in length and use stresses you aren 't used to hearing . His inflections at the end of words may be all over the place , though they sound almost melodic . But you know , it doesn 't matter how he does it because there 's no one ' right ' way . This is the purest music to us . We were talking with his speech therapist recently , and we were all rejoicing that he 's started experimenting with these inflections and different intonations . He 's trying to close off words and say all the sounds in the word , not just the first syllable or two . He works so hard to get it all out , and now he 's staying with it longer and trying to finish the words he starts . He 's known for his clipped , monotone syllables when he does speak . He 's creating his own verse now with rhythm , tone , and meter all his own , and he continues to experiment and improvise . He experiments with the notes . He is unbound by the stress and unstress of our so - called speaking . He is finding his own way . He is making it up and discovering it as he goes along . We can 't make his mouth , tongue , throat , and lungs make the sounds . He is the musician here . We can try everything we can think of , but so much of this is his journey of discovery . And he 's doing it . His syllables sway and dance haltingly like middle schoolers at their first dance . He takes verbal steps slowly , carefully , daringly like a toddler , but he keeps at it , laying out one syllable after another . He lines them up like whirling dervishes , dreamy sloths , or slippery snakes , not going where he wants them to yet , but indeed they are going somewhere exciting . And like a crossword , enough clues are now filling in that it seems bit by bit to be getting easier for him . Eventually there 's a tipping point where the momentum shifts in your favor . Maybe , just maybe , we 're finally there . Slowly but inexorably , it 's happening . He sees everything around him , feels entire constellations of emotions , has wants and needs , has opinions and ideas , and has untold riches to share with the world . He may experience some or all of these things very differently than most of the rest of us , but that 's what so wonderful about it . What he sees and feels and thinks is unique in all the universe . I want him to be able to share that with whomever he wishes to . I see his face beam when he does get the words out . The light bursts forth from every pore in his face . I see his whole body rejoice when he is heard and understood . If there is anything that makes my heart sing more than seeing this in one of our children , I don 't know what it is . I want this as much as anything . I want him to believe in himself . I want him to know that he can find a way to do whatever he seeks to do , no matter how long it takes . Forget however long it takes anybody else . I want him to know that doesn 't matter . This is his journey of exploration and discovery . He may have to take paths less travelled , or ones not travelled at all . He can blaze his own trail through sheer force of will . There 's magic out there to be found . I remember all the days trying to get more than ' kuh ' out of him ( the sound that once meant anything and everything ) . It took months of work day in and day out to get just one new sound . I remember having no idea how he 'd ever find ways to communicate and how we 'd ever be able to help him tell us what he wants , needs , and thinks . But slowly and surely over these years , it 's happened . One syllable at a time , he has pulled himself up this Super Everest . I 'm still not sure how all this will turn out , but he 's made a believer out of me . He has that effect on everyone . After so long , I believe it now . And we get to spend the rest of our lives discovering everything he has to say . How amazing is that ? Filed Under : Blog Tagged With : Achievements , Celebrate , Communication , Favorites , Speech , Speech Delay , Speech Therapy , Talking , WordsLessons from the Road - One Year Later July 30 , 2011 by Tim One year ago today , I started running again after many years . My resolutions from The Great Burnout last year were to run and change my diet . That was basically it , though each involved massive lifestyle changes . But my what changes they have wrought in my life . If you 'll indulge me a bit , here are some things I learned over the past year . Hopefully at least one of them will mean something to you , too . As with many attempts to improve one 's life , the part not long after I started was the hardest . If you think about it , just starting something new is perhaps the easiest part . Many of us do it every year with New Year 's resolutions . Often they might last a few days or weeks ( or hours ) because it 's the next step after you start where it 's usually the hardest . The honeymoon is the easy part . It 's when you have to commit to the day in and day out relationship that the work begins . Often , there 's not as much passion and glamour in this ongoing work as we 'd hoped there would be . We have to draw our energy from somewhere else . For exercise and health - related changes , I tend to call this the ' Rocky Training Montage Problem ' . In the Rocky movies , Rocky Balboa has some life crisis , some period of doubt where he thinks about giving up , something then happens to inspire him , and then cue the epic music and grunting in the gym where Rocky transforms into a perfect physical specimen ready to face and defeat an invincible foe , all in the span of about four minutes . The all - day , everyday devotion to the training and hard work required to get there are left on the editing floor . That 's where the really great stuff happens , but it 's also where most of us give up . If you went looking for something on my previous blog - Both Hands and a Flashlight - you might have been a little surprised to end up here . After much deliberation , I 've decided to combine my two sites . So my new home is here at I Am An Autism Parent . Welcome !
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Today , N created a big scene at the school bus stop . He clinged on to his Dad and refused to let go when he tried to put N in the bus . He kept insisting that it is not his bus . Dad showed him his usual bus friends and teachers and the driver and said this is indeed his bus , but no use . After trying to calm him down and make him get into the bus , Dad gave up and got him back home . Since this was the first ever time N plainly refused to get in the bus , I sensed something was wrong . I let him calm down for some time and asked him why he didn 't want to go to school . He then revealed he is scared by the big pumpkin picture that has been put up on his classroom wall . On the one hand , I was happy that my not yet 3 - year - old can so vividly describe his feelings , but was also sad that he was entering into the scared - by - anything - everything phase . I had read somewhere that fear is a necessary emotion for brain development . Should I take this as a positive sign and be happy that his brain is developing ? I did not want to brush away his fear as something silly . Ridiculing his fear was never the plan , so I had to find something to allay his fear . First step was of course to respect his feelings which we all did . We came up with a plan on the spot and told him pumpkin is a vegetable which we eat . I told him we will take a knife and chop the pumpkin upto pieces . And that we will pack his toy knife in your bag the next day so that if the pumpkin at school troubles him again , he will be ready with his knife to chop it up . When the pumpkin sees him , it will cower and run away and this brought giggles ! He found it so funny that a pumpkin can get scared of him . Luckily , this plan worked . He went to school the next day and did not mention any pumpkin or such . All is well ! When I learnt about the unfortunate incident of my sister - in - law burning my nephew 's skin , I reacted with horror and shock . I confronted her as to how she could do it and when I realized she didn 't mean to do it and it was an accident , I still could not fathom how she could do it , even accidentally . Until I did the same to my kid . It was one of the horrible days when N was hyper - active and I had to keep an eye on him every second . I and my husband were busy with preparations for the festival and we already had too many things on our plate and N was intruding in every step . My patience was already running low and the straw broke when he bit the maid so hard that her finger bled . I lost all my cool and threatened to give a burn unless he behaved . N was at his worst and he mocked me and said ' Do it , ma , I will bite her again , so do it ' . I kept the ladle on the flame for a second ( I swear it was a second ) and threatened him again , hoping he will calm down , but he kept on insisting what he did was okay and he would repeat it again . I put the spoon on my skin to ensure it wasn 't really hot and then gently put it on his leg . The spoon probably touched his skin for a fraction of a second . N got scared that the spoon actually made contact with the skin and immediately changed his tone . He didn 't cry , so I assumed he wasn 't hurt . He apologized to the maid and went on his way and continued with his terrible toddler behavior the rest of the day . I didn 't think much about the incident and realized the damage I had done only in the evening . I realized , to my horror , that I had given a nasty burn wound to my son . The moment I saw what I had done , I felt so guilty for everything : for losing patience , for thinking of such a nasty punishment , for actually doing it and worse , not feeling bad about it until I realized what happened . It doesn 't matter that I felt extremely guilty and cried for an hour , doesn 't matter I punished myself for this , doesn 't matter that my eyes welled up every time I saw the wound , doesn 't matter that I felt and still feel like the worst mother on earth - all it matters is I hurt my own kid . All the promises I had made to myself and my kid that I will protect him from being hurt flew out the window . I am deeply worried that this incident doesn 't scar my kid for ever and that he doesn 't start hating me for this . He has all the rights to hate me , though . Will he remember this and ask me ' Mom , how could you do this to me ? You brought me into the world for this ? ' Nothing I do can change the horrible crime I have committed , but I tell myself this is my waking up moment . I need to rethink on how I am bringing up my kid and whether I am worthy of being a mother at all . If I had a genie granting me a wish , I would wish for that horrible moment to be erased from my life . I wish I could go back in time and stop myself from doing what I did . But , I know there are no genies , and I have to live with this guilt . I had always read and heard of parents experiencing meltdowns at malls and grocery stores . Every parenting book has a section on how to handle public meltdowns , but it was something that I had not experienced myself . This fact changed sometime after the tyke turned two . We went to one of his favorite hangouts - a mall , where he likes to sit near the fountain enjoying his sweet corn . We usually add some minimal shopping before this activity and it goes well every time . Apparently , not this time . There is a big floor dedicated to toys and when we were passing through this section , N decided he wants a new toy . A humongous teddy bear at that . He could barely lift it , but he managed to pull it down from the rack and asked me to buy it . I tried telling him we can 't buy it and when that did not work , I tried the only weapon remaining - distraction . He is smart enough to realize that I am distracting him ( sometimes , not always , thank god ) and when he did , it was full throttled crying . No amount of cajoling , convincing , distracting worked and he had a classic meltdown - threw himself on the ground , arms and legs flailing , face turning red and screaming until his lungs gave out . All I could do was stare in disbelief and ask myself ' Is this really happening ? ' . Since there was nothing much I could do , I sat next to him and watched him . After what seemed like an eternity , his anger turned to grief and he wanted some love and sympathy and came to me , arms wide open . I picked him up , held and rocked him and he soon was back to normal again . Every parenting book asks the parent not to be embarrassed when the kid has a public meltdown . I have watched kids and parents with pity whenever I witnessed a meltdown and that was the best I could do . I wondered how I would behave when I was in their position . When I look back , I don 't remember feeling embarrassed . All the while I was sitting next to my screaming kid , the only thing that was on my mind was how do I calm him down ? How do I get him out of this tantrum phase and make him feel better ? BTW , do you know what is the worst thing you can tell someone who is angry , hyper and not under control : ' Calm down ' . Seriously , I used to try this with N and that would make him scream even more . Then I discovered FFR : Fast Food Rule by Dr . Karp and life with a toddler has been never been the same . That deserves a post of its own . I have some really good things to say about Dr . Karp 's book , a post is coming soon . You pick up any parenting book and you will see a chapter on respecting your child as a person . I took this in without much thought and kept telling myself , " Of course , I respect my kid as a person " . I and my kid ( and my family ) are struggling through a bad phase right now and only now I realize what respecting your kid really means . My son is 22 months young , which means he is in his terrible twos . He sees himself as an individual now - no longer a part of mommy . He has realized he has likes , wants , dislikes , needs and whims and fancies . He has suddenly woken up to this wonderful world around where there so many exciting new things and objects and he wants to touch every one of them and play with them . He is learning new things everyday - words , colors , shapes , names and improving his skills - grasping , climbing , jumping , kicking , rolling and what not . He looks at people around and wants to do similar things . He sees his dad touching the calendar to turn a page and he wants to do it too . He sees his mom cutting vegetables and cooking and he wants to do the same . He is this bundle of energy , ready to take on the world and when he hears someone say ' No ' , that 's when all hell breaks loose . He sees me using the knife and cutting the potatoes . All he asks for is to let him do the same . I promptly say no and he just doesn 't understand why . He asks again and gets a negative response . He cries , I still say no . He stomps his feet , flails his arms and rolls on the ground and that 's when he is given a time - out . He stands in a corner wondering what on earth did he do to be treated like this . And I wonder why he can 't play with things that he is allowed to and why he throws tantrums like this . Why don 't I realize that he is only doing what he is expected to do . He has to explore his world , ask questions , demand things and learn new things . I complain when he is doing exactly that ! After some retrospection , I no longer say no to him . It doesn 't mean I let him play with the knife . I don 't use the word ' No ' . I tell him that it 's too dangerous to play with the knife . I show him how sharp it is and how he can get cut . I offer him his toy knife and it sometimes works . If things are really bad , I give him something else in the kitchen , say a spoon . Most of the time , he refuses to take it . I tell him again , " Are you sure you don 't want the spoon ? I am keeping it back " . That 's when he takes the spoon and goes on to play . Dinner time . I am feeding him chapati . Things are going smoothly . We are almost down to the last two bites and he refuses to open his mouth . I tell him nicely to finish it up because it 's only two bites . He refuses . I lose my patience and get upset that my kid is so disobedient - he can 't finish what 's in his plate . He is upset because his mom forces him to eat one more bite even when he is full . Why can 't I respect his opinion and let him go ? Why do I insist that he finish his plate ? Do I really need to be so strict in disciplining him ? Now that I have changed , I no longer insist anything . The moment he says enough , I stop feeding him . The real lesson on respect came to me at the swimming pool . We have this inflatable pool which N loves to play in . I fill it up with warm water , throw in his bath toys and garden toys and N plays in it for hours together . The natural thing to do next was to introduce him to a real pool . I and my husband took him to the toddler pool and made him stand in it . The next moment , N is out of the pool and crying like made . We both were so shocked . I tried to coax him to get in again but he flatly refused . He insisted that we get back home . We just sat by the pool side , looking at other kids and hoping that N would change his mind . I was disappointed that my son was scared of the pool . All I wanted was for him to play . I kept asking him , begging him , threatening him and nothing worked . We finally came back home dejected . If I look back now , I feel I was so wrong . I should have respected his choice and brought him back home . He is not yet 2 and there is plenty of time for him to play and swim . I should have told him , ' It 's okay son . We will come to the pool when you are ready ' . Which is what I did the next time . I just let him wet his feet and hands . He splashed water here and there and he was mighty happy . And so was I . I asked him once if he wants to get into the pool and when he said no , I didn 't ask him again . He is not as tall and not as strong as us . He is frustrated that he can 't do the same things that we do . We all sit on the dining chair so easily , while he has to make an effort and climb . We all eat and drink whenever we want . I just have to reach the cookie box on the top shelf and munch away . If N wants a cookie , he needs someone to help him . We all can touch anything we want . For most of the things that he wants , he has to hear no for an answer . And he can 't understand why we say no . If we are in the middle of something , we often ignore his requests . This , for me , is a big no - no . I have made it a point to not ignore him no matter what and have told the same thing to everyone at home . Even if he is asking for something outside his limits , acknowledge his request and then give justification . I have been following this simple thing for a few days now and I already see a change in N 's behavior . There are fewer tantrums and melt - downs . All it took was a realization that ' respecting your kid ' is easier said than done .
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Had lunch with Jon in West Hollywood . Delicious chicken and polenta at Hedley 's . Great to see him . We hadn 't seen each other for weeks and had loads to catch up on . He is in very good spirits . Business is booming for purveyors of luxury furniture so he is doing very well . Had dinner at The Tasting Kitchen in Venice with Anna . Wonderful food . I had pork … again with polenta and baked cherries . Dropped into Gjelina to congratulate owner for sticking to his guns and not let Gordon Ramsey and ' Lady ' Victoria Beckham bully them into making menu substitutions . August 30 , 2010 / / Guess who I received a long letter from yesterday when I got back from the Emmy do at SHLA ? Yes , you guessed it … Jake . What a smarmy bastard . . of course he couldn 't just let it all go . He couldn 't leave me alone . He had to reach out . Just as I was NOT thinking about him , getting right with our situation . DAMN . I was in such a positive mood . He timidly suggested that we don 't meet for the time being . How about we never EVER meet ? Why don 't you just fuck off and lean on some of your other friends like you lent on me for support ? They 'll get sick of you too , bleating and moaning and missing her . So , why was he writing ? He asked for his full name to be removed from the blog which I did . . then I re - read his letter . It was all about him . Blah fucking blah about his coming out and how much I meant to him . Bullshit . If I had meant anything to him he wouldn 't have contacted me . Not once did he enquire about my continuing health problem . . not once . The more I thought about it the more annoyed I became . So , I called him and left a long message on his phone . I told him never ever to contact me again . That his mate had emailed me from Mt . Kisco to tell me that he was laughing at me with Jake and other friends behind my back . That I hated him . I wanted him to hear my voice . That I meant what I was saying . That I am serious . Like when you call your dealer and tell them to lose your number . Like when you tell your friends that you are not coming out for a drink . I woke at 7am . Pulled on an old , navy blue jogging outfit . I did not realise I had it with me here in LA , it 's one I bought on Oxford Street in Sydney 3 years ago . I don 't remember packing it . Yesterday , by ten am , I had already met a handsome black realtor off of the internet . I made it crystal clear that I did not want to have sex . He swung by in his flash BMW and we headed to the farmers market on Vine where I bought 8 huge organic peaches which are ripening in a pale green bowl in the sitting room as I write . The farmers market was JAMMED with people . I have been going to that market ever since I first moved here and I have never , ever seen it this busy . I saw purple okra and delicious cheeses and ten different kinds of dates . I saw many local people who I recognised , how lucky we all are in Hollywood to have this perfect destination for our Sunday mornings . The internet date was hungry so we headed to the 101 where we were served by Ryan who is a friend of Aleksa and Devon . We had both been invited to Aleksa 's birthday party so Ryan said he would give me a ride over there when he finished work . Saw beautiful boy in 101 - looked like a dark Justin Timberlake . I did not get his number . Internet Date and I then drove to Bonham 's auction house where I saw a pale wood 50 's desk with really elegant legs that I had somehow missed in the preview . It was an early lot so we were far too late to buy it . One of the auction regulars that I nod to occasionally saw me looking at it and told me that it had not sold so I ended up buying it for $ 50 ! I love it . Needs some slight repair but mostly it needs to be loved . It has really beautiful legs . Paulo , my friend who works there , was annoyed because he had been sent out to buy sandwiches . He said , " I didn 't spend $ 150 , 000 going to college to be sent out to buy sandwiches . " He is a funny Italian boy who wears a wife beater under his shirt . Anyway , after the desk purchase - which as I had credit at the auction house I did not have to pay for anyway - Internet date drove me home . I don 't know if I will see him again . There was no immediate SPARK . Jane Garnett called to tell me the great news that she is pregnant . We talked about her film The Illusionist that is a huge hit ! I adore Jane , we chatted about the secret project that she knows and she loves . We agreed to meet some time this week . I am desperate to see her , she makes me feel SANE . Coincidentally I received an e - mail from Georgie Byng yesterday who originally introduced Jane and I several years ago . Georgia was in my performance work , The Host that we performed in The Royal Oyster Company Hall in Whitstable . She is married to Marc Quinn the artist who made Blood Head , one of the great art stars of the Sensations era . One of Jays artists . Marc is a very kind man . If I am mad and difficult , like they say I am , people like Jane , Marc and Georgia are willing to overlook my defects and concentrate on the man they have known and liked for many , many years . Ryan collected me at 4pm , we drove a little further west up Sunset to collect his friend Steve who had played Dorian Gray in a rather wonderful sounding theatre adaptation of Wilde 's novel . Steve , of course , loves the book and quoted huge chunks at me . If fact , we disagreed about the source of one particular quote and I had to concede , after looking at the book , that he was right and I was wrong . It is always good for ones constitution to admit defeat to a younger prettier man . I really took to Steve , a complex mess of desire , pessimism and loneliness - all spread out on the table for every one to see . An emotional yard sale . There is nothing better than a beautiful boy with a problem . Of course , ugly people never get the opportunity to let everyone know their STUFF . Nobody cares . We headed over to Aleksa 's birthday party in Griffiths Park . I met her manager Eric Black . Really liked him . Eric told his best friend , also there at the party , a friend who he had worked in the CAA mail room with when they were fledgling agents / managers all about me . Good God , in the telling of my story , Eric 's description of me from a managers perspective made me sound like a TOTALLY insane maverick . After Aleksa 's party ( lasagne and cherry pie ) we drove to a friend of Ryan who was having a party near the 101 . Valet parking , caterers etc . Met a woman I know from NYC called Annette who is an Australian editor , she in turn introduced me to Trevor Groth from Sundance . Joel Miklely was there with a boy / man web designer . Met another Eric Siddall , a lawyer from San Fran - intriguing . Ate marzipan and drank coffee . We stayed for a while chatting with film people but I never feel comfortable in those places . Inevitably they think they know a great deal more about me than they really do . Most of what they know is sensational gossip . This is why I like hanging out with actors . Actors are less condemnatory . Actors like directors . We left that party but had a couple of hours to kill so were driving back to my house when I got the oddest phone call from my friend Tim in NYC . Tim is a Whitstable lad ( 26 ) who has done very well for himself as a sort of live in life coach for a very rich Jewish American family . He told me that Danny Gallagher was dead . Danny , another young Whitstable boy , was badly hurt in a car wreck just before I came back to LA . It seems that he got some sort of infection in the hospital and never recovered . " I don 't know how I feel about it , Dunc . " Tim said . I felt exactly the same . You see , I have an affection for those rough Whitstable boys , but it is not always comfortable bumping into them as they drunkenly make their way up Island Wall . Danny , when he was younger , was very homophobic . He would sit outside the Neptune and sneer at local gay man Duncan . But , last year , we sat down and talked and he asked about my life and I listened to his story . His brother had died of cancer . From that moment on he always went out of his way to come say hello and ask how I was doing . I love those rough Whitstable boys . I always have . I am , after all , a rough Whitstable boy who just , for the time being , lives in LA . You know , when those judgemental people look at me at those swanky film parties they don 't realise just how hard I had to fight to survive . You would have thought that one would not have had to fight so hard in a place like this but you have to fight harder . This is all part of my great AA dilemma . All at once I have to let go and let God , yet I am compelled by my ' ambition ' . I tried explaining my ' ambition ' to Eric 's friend yesterday , I tried to explain the desire in me , the compulsion to make art rather than money . This is what I think defines me as a maverick . That and the fact that I loathe most people ! Steve , Ryan and I then went home and watched my Dorian Gray on the Lap Top . Steve and Ryan really liked it . That made me happy - after all , they are my core audience . We drank strong coffee then drove back up Sunset to Peter 's show of films and photographs . I really loved his work . It is enigmatic , clean , great colours . All of his sexy model friends were there including the devastatingly handsome Jamal Cohen . We hung with them for a while ( can 't write about celebrity associations at this party - Peter would kill me ) then headed off to find a quiet place to sit . It is very difficult in Hollywood on a Sunday night to find a quiet place . We ended up in Famina ! A small Japanese store on Hollywood and Highland and ate crème brule and watched the insane pedestrians , the only ones that are left on Hollywood Blvd at midnight . Finally stumbled into bed at 12 . 30 . I am going to collect my new desk today and write … and go to the gym … and think about rough Whitstable boys . Runyon Canyon Emergency ! Yellow notices posted all over the waste bins , the seats , the notice boards and on MySpace . Attention Everyone ! The Parks and Recreation Department want to build a car park at the foot of the Canyon . Yesterday I wondered if it wouldn 't be rather nice to have a rustic shack selling breakfast stuff at the base of Runyon Canyon with a wood burning stove warming on a cold morning . I found myself dreaming about that just as often as I tend to dream about running the Red Spider Cafe which used to be a rustic shack / beech hut on Whitstable Beach . This summer Barry Green , who owns Whitstable beach , asked me ( as he must ask many others ) if I wanted to run the Red Spider Cafe . He wants to re - build it . I found this idea very appealing . The simplicity of a very honorable trade : I make you tea and cake , you give me £ 2 . 75 . I never ever dream about making films in the same fond way that I dream about serving tea and running a small hotel on the Kent coast . Why can 't people just walk to the Canyon ? I walk to the Canyon . I walk everywhere . I walk to the farmer 's Market on Vine . I walk to the Auction House on Gardener . I walk to the Chateau Marmont . I have walked , on many occasions , from Labrea to Doheny to my AA meeting . I even walked all the way from my house to Robertson and Beverly . I really love walking LA . I love peering closely at palm trees , I like nosing into gardens . I like taking alternative routes . When I was a small boy I walked in my pyjamas from Whitstable to Herne Bay . When I had my drug problem I walked so hard from Kensington to Soho that all my toes turned purple from the bruising . When I was at Shotton Hall School we walked the length of Offa 's Dyke which is an ancient path that runs the border of Wales and England . We stayed in idyllic Youth Hostels and I remember packing coordinating outfits . I prefer walking to taking the bus . There is so much shame heaped on people who take the bus in this town . I tend to linger away from the bus stop just in case anyone sees me waiting for a bus . Can you believe it ? I shall be more robust about my bus taking in future , less shameful . I went to see the plans for the new Whitstable Marina development before I left for California with my friend Charlie Parsons and we both agreed that the designs were HIDEOUS . The architect on duty told me that it was the council 's fault but this is patently untrue . The local council merely defines the architectural parameters for the architect : the height , housing density , materials etc . The architect is responsible for the imaginative response to those parameters . Whilst I think that the town will benefit from the new marina , the suggested designs were bland , depressing and what is worse one could already imagine abandoned polystyrene oyster trays being blown all over the ersatz cobbles on cold winter afternoons . Continuing our Saturday morning tradition I had breakfast with Dom and John Roden at the 101 cafe on Franklin . This old - fashioned , mid - century diner is always stuffed with cute alternative people . Yesterday was no exception . Omelette , no toast , no potato . Yes , I 'm starting THAT again Clare Swinburn . The smelly breath diet . We complimented some boy on his floral pants ( trousers ) and he said , " You have to be really straight to wear clothes this gay . " He showed us what was written on his ass and when we complimented his ass he said , rather seriously , " That 's harassment . " Who put the ass in harassment ? Spent most of the afternoon with my sponsor and then went home to meet Peter Youngblood Hills but lost my phone on the bus , then my afternoon went to shit - missed seeing / speaking with Peter , missed my opening at M + B gallery and when I finally resolved everything it was time to head over to Julia and Sim 's to see their gorgeous house in Silverlake , meet their divinely pretty daughter Elsie and meet their friends from Sheppey of all places and eat dinner in Silverlake . After dinner of Pork medallions and chocolate terrine I took them all up to the Soriano House and fell in love with it all over again . OH GOD ! ! ! I love that house . Stayed at Julia and Sim 's until 1am gossiping about Whitstable people . It was so much fun . No one was spared . Sim dropped me at mine and I slept like a log . The phone rang twice after midnight . I did not answer . I knew what they were . Two booty calls . Can you believe it ? At my age ! ! I slept until 8 . 30 this morning . Not even the morning sun pouring into my bedroom woke me . Disoriented by how late it was I started the day by checking e - mails , which , I never , ever do . The squirrel was in the Bird of Paradise tree outside my sitting room pulling seeds out of the huge pods . He was making a terrible racket . Chattering away to himself . There were more that 80 dogs on the path today . SO MANY PEOPLE . I really don 't like to share the Canyon with that many people . I like the few odd die - hard who get up at six and watch the sun break over Los Angeles . I was wearing a red Buddhist punk hoody , red seems to attract a great deal of attention . I received many nods and unsolicited greetings . I passed the man who pushes his bike without his shirt on - he has a creamy naturally defined body . He looks but does not acknowledge . I never take a phone or an iPod up the mountain . I need to experience it raw . It is still hard to get up the steep bit without a break but I am really noticing a difference . I feel lighter . I can 't feel so much fat on my back over my kidneys but perhaps I am just kidding myself . Next week I start working seriously at the gym . The fact of the matter is : I am happier when I get to walk my walk , meditate and write my blog . At the start of everyday I feel as if I have achieved something . You know , I kept a diary for over 20 years . A written diary . A Smythson 's leather - bound diary . I had Red calf , black calf , natural pig skin colour . I had a marbled one from Venice . I stopped writing my diary because , when I got sober , I wondered why I was doing it - and it was cumbersome to carry and then when I got here stupid people thought that it was a bible . I passed the Russians with the blue - eyed dogs ; they were rabbiting away in Russian then one of them said in English , " So Armageddon is finally coming . " Like he was expecting his aunt , aunt Armageddon . It certainly feels pretty doom - like at the moment . We get on with our daily lives but something else is determining our future . Maybe there really is a conspiracy of powerful Jews ? Maybe Elvis is still alive ? Maybe Freddy Star really did eat a hamster ? More OUTRAGE from Muslim clerics because the Pope quoted some odd Persian from an ancient text . Come on lads get some perspective . Who gives a fuck about the Pope ? He wears Prada under his cassock . At the start of my walk I saw an incredibly tall , svelte , young couple with their morbidly obese son . They were in their early thirties , athletic . He was 9 years old and a tub of lard . He was complaining about the smell on the canyon . They were reassuring him that everything was going to be ok . I thought to myself , Oh how sweet , these two are really helping their child . It must be tough , but as a family they are trying to get him in shape . I set off on my walk . On the way down the Canyon I pass the two athletic parents walking on all fours like dogs . The child is nowhere to be seen . They were walking on all fours like dogs . Stretching out their perfect , athletic limbs . Half a mile behind them , dawdling along is their huge son . Alone , fat , abandoned . What can I say ? Yesterday , I wrote , I read , took care of business and did more iTunes organisation . I chatted to Erik the writer about Valentine . I checked out the Bonham 's Sunset sale but there was nothing there worth buying . I saw Paulo , he needs to take me out for lunch sometime soon . Danny O dropped in for a cup of tea . I was meant to be seeing Gianni but Virgil swung by so I had to blow Gianni out at the last moment . I really think that Virgil might be married . He is so secretive . Remember Quentin Crisps unattainable big , dark , man - kind of dumb but loveable . That is Virgil . He does not know his 10 times table . He eats KFC every day . I asked him what he talked to his best friend about and he tells me the conversation VERBATIM . It wasn 't very informative . He is a huge , gentle , light skin black guy in his mid 40s . He watched me make a salad dressing and when I poured it onto the salad he asked what I was doing . He had never , ever seen anyone make a dressing before . Do not be surprised my homies , this is the USA . Even my more sophisticated friends would not know how to make a salad dressing from scratch . The young ones think , ' why should I ? ' and the older ones think , ' We never eat at home ' . Virgil is a big sweet man . I asked him to take me to South Central LA but he scoffed . He told me that his nieces boy friend and the father of her baby had blown his head off with gun in front of them all . The walk was good . All the tight feelings in my chest vanished . It was really chilly up there on the path this morning . People at home don 't get the subtlety of the seasons in California , they don 't realise that we have winter nights or that it is very cold when the sun sets . ' Why do people need winter coats in LA ? ' I thought , when I first arrived . In fact , I get to wear all of my winter coats and even my fur hat . It rained briefly as I was feeding the squirrel almonds from my hand . That animal is so funny . It chases the cats . American people say it is always raining in London . We deal in weather clichés . The truth is that we have had so little rain in the UK that we have to regularly ban the use of hose pipes and non - essential car cleaning , something that would never happen here . Read Joan Didion 's book The White Album if you want to know where LA water comes from - if you didn 't already see China Town . I have been organising my iTunes library . 22 days of songs . The new iTunes 7 reveals previously unseen album covers on my lap top - suddenly I am excited again by my music collection , flicking through all the music I have . Seeing old friends - like Alice Coopers Billion Dollar Baby - the first ever album I bought . The first single I ever bought was Ben by Michael Jackson . You see ! I have always been bi - polar ! I was at boarding school in Dorset listening to Alice Cooper from my bedroom overlooking the verdant English countryside . I liked being at that school . I learned how to make cheese , chutney , jam , milk cows and learnt all about Jason and the Argonauts . Saw a dead badger by the side of the road and when I pulled its tail the thing came off in my hands - I was 13 . Country people are not scared of dirt or death . We would camp outside on the lawns and learn to listen to the earth . Check it out , it 's called Monkton Wyld Court . A beautiful gothic , Pugin inspired rectory . One winters day a kid wrote in the snow : Reunion 1999 on the terraces so we could all read it . 1999 came and went but I never went back to any reunion . I hitch hiked there from Whitstable once . Years ago . It took two days . I remembered horseback riding in the snow , my fingers frozen onto the reigns . I remembered learning to play the piano . Where are those skills ? Stored away just in case . Stored away with the detailed maps of Sydney and Paris and Glasgow or Cannes . Stored with my times tables . 7 × 8 = 56 Remember that one and you 'll be fine . 8 × 8 = 64 . Stored with descriptions of Renaissance Art and Golden Rules . Gypsy tart . That 's there too . Flicking through my collection of music like we used to - things coming full circle . Delighted by something you forgot you owned . An album cover that reminds you of a person or a place . The sound track of my life just here in the palm of my hand . I am listening to nobukazu takemura this morning . I like ambient music for my films and for my life . I listen to Aphex Twin and John Cage . Saw John Cage at The Almeida Music Festival in London when the US used to export its vibrant avant - garde . At the next school I attended in Shropshire we listened to Roxy Music . Then , ten years later I am at a private audience with Bryan in Notting Hill . Ten years after that I am sitting in his kitchen with his wife . Then we are at the Saatchi Gallery with Tracy Emin signing posters . Makes me feel home sick thinking about Lucy and the kids . Yesterday I had a gentleman caller - no sex . Just being held is all I require lately . My new maid started . Angela was here when Virgil the gentleman caller arrived . Virgil and I sat on the roof and listened to our respective stories . He has three dogs and a daughter . Is that a deal breaker ? Angela laughed when I followed after her putting all the ornaments , candles etc back in the correct places . Virgil left at 3ish . Gentle afternoon in doors - some people called to see if I wanted to go out but I stayed at home and read . The Mormon beauty from the BAFTA party for instance - he called . When I first stopped drinking it was such a relief to simply stay at home and go to bed early rather than chase a party . I am not missing anything . Anyway , I have a very social weekend ahead of me . On the way up the mountain I had a God almighty battle of wills between my acknowledged ' dark side ' and the weaker ' good ' me . My dark side always has such a compelling argument for any bad / naughty things I want to do . Dammit . Of course there are some things I choose not to write about in this blog but , unlike anywhere else in my life , this is a place where I can be totally honest . I am neither bound by fear of judgement nor at the mercy of a lie . However , I suppose that there are things that I should not write about . For instance , I do not write about sex , because when I did , it seemed to upset some people . I have agreed with myself new blog rules of engagement . I am no longer going to write about my EXPERIENCE of AA . From the moment I step into an AA meeting to the moment I leave the rooms of AA I will not report on what I have shared nor any opinions about who I have seen there - even if I am alluding to them and not making them obvious . I agreed tacitly to this when I joined and so it would be priggish of me to renege now , ten years down the line . I have agreed with my sponsor that I will share my AA type grievances with him . To this end I have removed the offending paragraph in yesterday 's blog and replaced it with a few apposite lines from the AA big book . Yesterday morning Chris picked me up from my apartment and drove six shirts and me to the ecological laundry . We had a very jolly time . We were both very happy . He is going back to England on Sunday . I suddenly realised that I would miss him . He is a spirited , sweet , honourable boy and even though I am double his age I learn a great deal from him . He wanted to take me to the Beverly Hills Hotel for breakfast . On the way there Joe called and asked Chris if he had read my blog . Joe was OUTRAGED ! Chris , in a very difficult position , could not stop Joe from spewing his indignation . Chris cut him off , telling him that he would have to call him back later . We sat in the car and pretended to be posh for a good five minutes . Of course , if you are truly OUTRAGED by something you have read you do not call all your friends and tell them about it . " Have you read Duncan 's blog ? I am outraged ! " Even though Chris had the phone pressed hard to his ear I could hear Joe screaming . Chris and I , both having had a great deal of press attention in the past , know that when you are truly OUTRAGED you simply call your lawyer and deal with it . Recently poor Chris had to deal with adverse press and when he called me he was choked with emotion . He did not call all his friends to read the offending material and then be OUTRAGED . I noticed a huge swell in my readership numbers yesterday possibly because Joe was so OUTRAGED . We ate a wonderful breakfast . We chatted and laughed . After my waffles we explored the Beverly Hills Hotel shop . We found the Beverly Hills Barbie and another Barbie holding the hand of a small child . " Look , Paedophile Barbie . " I said , holding up the box and shaking it . Chris went red and we scarpered . Went home and read the secret script . It needs work but you can see how wonderful it is going to be . I had a day of DOING things in the house . I cleared out the junk closet in the hall and hung all of my winter coats in there . I closed most of the windows because at night it is now very chilly . I washed the glass . I fed the squirrel - it feeds from my hand . The maid called and told me in broken English that she would come on Thursday as she had a hospital appointment . I took a cab to the Hyatt where I met Jon and we drove to the BAFTA garden party . OUTRAGED Joe was there not looking quite so outraged or if he was he was unwilling to confront me about it . In fact he did a great deal of cap doffing around Xan . The other aggrieved parties from yesterdays blog were also there and we mutually apologised and that was that . I had a very jolly time . Saw Charlie and Vicky from New York and hung around with them . I saw Marjorie and Xan , of course , and we ate pulled pork and black coffee and there was a very British raffle . Cute Mormon boy invited me to a party at Shag but I did not go . I went home and found places for my tools and threw out the last of Dee 's things that she left at the house . I had a long chat with Xan before I went to bed . It was reassuring . I was reassured . I am going to pray that good things happen for Joe . I did not count the dogs on Runyon Canyon ; I had a great deal on my mind . I saw the Russians with the baby and they all said hello . The cute boy with the hat totally ignored me . The lesbians said a cautious hello . I felt as if my body were changing today . It was easier to haul up the steep bits . Either I am getting stronger or leaner or tighter or maybe all three . When I lost weight before I lost weight gradually then I got horribly thin in a matter of a week . Must buy scales . As I began my leisurely decent , deep in the wooded part of the Canyon a man started screaming . He was furious , angry against the world . I tried to see what he looked like but he was hidden under a canopy of trees . He was like a monkey in the rain forest letting everyone know that he was there . " Shut up you crazy fuck ! " somebody called out to him but it was half hearted - they understood why he was screaming . He was screaming for all of us . Yesterday was such a day of extremes . Corey took me to see another house . It was a house owned by an Italian writer in Beverley Hills . A beautiful modernist house designed by Georgescu in 1958 , sadly it had a ropey view . I have made an offer on some of the furniture , which is all beautiful , mid - century modern . After the viewing Corey dropped me off at the Key Club AA meeting . I stayed for half of it then walked to my 1pm meeting with Jon Larson from the Directors Guild at the Chateau Marmont . I had the salmon that was far too complicated - too many flavours . We sat next to Selma Hayek . She looked great . I met Patty , the director of Monster and Brad Wyman 's partner . Brad was one of the producers on THAT film I directed in Romania . The problem with Monster is that , like The Devil Wears Prada , you have a great performance shining in a dull film . Let 's face it , if Elizabeth Hurley had been playing the lead in either of those films what would you be left with : The Method ! ! ! Ha ha ha . After lunch I walked home up Sunset via Bonham 's to see the dregs of the fine furniture sale . It all looked ghastly . This Friday is the preview of the Sunset Estate sale . I love this auction . I furnished my entire apartment with things from this auction . June Havers and Fred McMurray previously owned most of what I own . I have their bowling trophies , their bowling balls , furniture , silver , a chandelier and some delightful dining room chairs . Once a month there is an LA Modern auction and I bought pieces by Paul Lazlo . Auctions are my not so secret vice . When I got home I planned to take a nap but , thrillingly , the secret project script arrived from London and I had to have a long chat with Seth my manager about Dorian and the secret project and Valentine which seems to be coming along well . Then I had a long chat with a financier about refinancing Dorian . Then I had to check my Dorian out - of - pocket figures . I guess that I am owed in the region of $ 150 , 000 . By the time I had done all of that it was too late to take a nap . John ( works for Penguin ) picked me up in his jag and we headed off to the C . U . N . T AA meeting on Robertson . This meeting , as you might have guessed from the title , is a British meeting . I think that my sponsor started it . For me , going to this meeting is like being dipped in acid . It is excruciating but I had promised my sponsor that I would go and embrace my enemies … I put my hand up and I shared about my walks on the mountain . I told them that I was going where the love was . I hinted that I had found God in the mountains - that I was humbled by the mountains . I do my best in AA , which is all I can do . After the meeting Corey and I went back to Silverlake to see the house at night . It was so COOL ! ! I love it . We also revisited the Soriano house on North Dillon . You know , it really is noisy up there . You can hear the valley traffic as if it were roaring through the garden . Too close for comfort . John and I had a late dinner at The Chateau . I bumped into the adorable Dougray Scott who is working on Desperate Housewives . I met his girl friend Clare . Chris Rock was hanging about the lobby - apparently stood up by Courtney Love . I sat with Jessica Simpson briefly - she looked AMAZING . That girl has the most perfect skin . John has a great story - he once woke up out of an alcoholic blackout on a plane . He had no idea where he was going . He was on his way to Buenos Aires . Just returned from my morning walk . 53 Dogs . Today I walked with Corey Nelson my realtor from Sotheby 's . Corey is a stunningly good - looking ex - Bruce Weber model . He and his girlfriend walk Runyon Canyon everyday . We decided to take the other , steeper path . We hiked the three tall peeks and that makes for an altogether longer and tougher walk . We met at the Fuller entrance at 8 . 30 . On the way up it was difficult to talk because I was huffing and puffing like an old man . We passed 4 people . The views are stunning , really stunning . We looked over toward the sea on our right and the Hollywood sign to our left . We made our way down the usual way yet , astonishingly , everybody at 8 . 30 seems very social , most people say a warm hello . We chatted to people all the way down . I suspect that this is because Corey ( 26 ) has perfect pecs and abs . The strange woman I saw yesterday with the Yorkie strapped to her chest told Corey 's girlfriend that she carried her dog like that because it had been bitten once by another dog so now she is too paranoid about him walking anywhere . We met a dog called , ' Freakshow ' , we met really cool lesbians . We discussed bikes and if I should get one and Vespers and if I should get one . Most of all we talked about property because we have seen so much of it between us . When I was friends with Georgina I am sure that all the Kent estate agents had mug shots of us with BEWARE ! ! TIME WASTERS written below our names . We saw property wherever we went . New York , Sydney , Fire Island . It is so much fun looking at other peoples ' houses . However , I am genuinely looking for a house to buy here . I have seen so much property but none of it speaks to me or if it does then it 's too expensive . When developers get there hands on it the property is ruined . The additions of prissy ' Zen ' gardens and horrible hedges of miniature bamboo , I call it ' gay grass ' . They add huge , ungainly kitchens with slate work tops . They lay badly installed hard wood floors . A terrible uniform aesthetic . All the ' done ' houses are done out of their individuality . I fell in love with a Soriano house on North Dillon St but it was too expensive for what it was and ultimately needed too much doing to it . Also , if you live at the top of any Hill in LA however gorgeous the view - the noise is terrible . The rumble of LA all day all night would drive me madder than the maddest man in mad land . Yesterday , Corey picked me up at 9 . 30 . We drove to Edgecliff Road in Silverlake to see a house for me to buy . It was wonderful . Built in 1964 , perched on a cliff overlooking the lake it has never been ' done ' , thankfully no ' zen ' garden with water feature , no designer kitchen built for a family of snackers and no gay grass . It is perfect for me . I am going to try to quickly raise the money today . The house really has had little changed since it was built . It is owned by two adorable old queens . They had great furniture too . We were there for hours . The 73 - year - old man who owned the house said , rather obscurely , about his neighbor , " He wouldn 't know how to make a pie . " I asked him if he could knit . He couldn 't . I persuaded him to consider knitting as a precaution against arthritis . We laughed a great deal . After the viewing I went home and I washed the filthy Venetian blinds in the kitchen with oxi clean then hosed them down outside - very satisfactory . I love Oxi Clean . Lazy day at home reading and writing . Should have achieved more but sat and thought about THE WORLD . A good day to think about THE WORLD . It is so hard to articulate ones frustrations about the state of THE WORLD . As I scrubbed my blinds I thought again and again about the choices that I had made that lead me to this place . We planned a conference call with my manager , lawyer and producer of Dorian . It was the same old story . Arclight stalling , Carl failing , Effie dealing . Carl is the guy who a year ago came on board to raise more money for the film . He seems to spend most of his time on vacation . His big , bovine head grinning inanely . His LA teeth catching the sun . He agrees with anything anyone says . If I did not have the rooms of AA I would be tearing my hair out but this is God 's plan and I have to put up with it . I really don 't worry about it . Art comes when it is ready . It is born out of confusion . I watched some of the 9 / 11 anniversary coverage . Did you know that there was an aircraft hanger at Kennedy with the most morbid collection of World Trade Tower scrap in it ? Smashed fire trucks , three incinerated floors of one tower crushed into a molten ball , bikes chained to bike racks . It reminded me of something that I had not thought about for 35 years . When I was 6 I was involved in a terrible car wreck . We were taking my aunt and her children to the airport . My grandfather , grandmother , mother , stepfather , aunt and five children packed into a large car that my stepfather had borrowed . It was a terrible night , torrential rain . My stepfather was driving fast to so we did not miss the flight . I was sitting on my mother 's lap in the front seat when the car hit a huge puddle and aqua planed over the freeway , over the central reservation and into oncoming traffic . I was catapulted out of the side window and onto the road . Thankfully nobody was killed . I suffered major head injuries - hence the scars and missing skull in my head . A few years later I was staying at my grandmother 's house and found in the wardrobe of the room I was sleeping , zipped suit bags and when I looked inside I saw dirty , torn , clothes splattered with dried blood . I recognized the clothes immediately . I opened the bags and pulled out the clothes that we had all been wearing the day of the accident . My grandmother , unable to throw anything out , had kept them . When I told my mother the bags vanished . At night , before I fall asleep , I think about the street where we lived when I was a child . I remember the house at the end of the unmade road in Whitstable . Stanley Road . I remember hot summer afternoons on Duncan Down wading in the uncut hay looking for lizards and chasing dragonflies . At this time of year I would collect heaps of black berries and my mother would make blackberry and apple crumble . I remember the big department store that used to be on Whitstable High Street . I remember the smell of cheap furniture and Santa 's glittery cardboard grotto stored in a room at the back of the store . On occasional moments through the day I find myself in that store , on my own , wandering as a small boy in that strange , sterile place . I was on the mountain by 8am . 24 dogs . Only two hours later than I usually go yet the Canyon folk at 8am are radically different from the earlier crowd . Instead of my usual bunch of single - minded , introverted business people focused on their morning walk at 6am today I saw more people , fewer dogs but all of them seemed to be playing out their breakfast dramas there on the hill . I said a rousing ' hello ! ' to the cute boy in the hat - he was so taken aback that he nearly fell over . I stopped and talked to Jeff the dog walker with his seven dogs . Poo bags tied to their collars . I saw a trainer berating his trainee . I saw a woman with a dog strapped to her chest in a papoose . For the first time ever up there on the dusty Runyon Canyon path I saw a mad person running up the hill insulting people . He offered me his card , when I declined he said , " I 'm writing a novel ! Say good morning to Barbra Streisand when you get home . " I bowed my head in embarrassment . Did he think that I was Jewish ? " If you see Michael Moore , put a bullet through his head . " He ran off . The woman behind me was shocked by his behaviour . I stopped to talk to her . Gabriella , Italian brought up in Paris . Firm hand shake . Cute dog . We both agreed that the world was a more dangerous place since 9 / 11 . I wonder how many people across the world will be celebrating this day rather than mourning this day ? How many people across the world had sympathy for the innocent of the twin towers the day it happened who now celebrate that fateful day ? It is a sad shame . As the years pass the complex politic that came to such an appalling conclusion that day is being revealed . It is as if the US wanted to show the world in the years since 9 / 11 exactly why it SHOULD have happened . What is this war on terror ? What do we expect to win when we say that the war must be won ? We cannot win a war against an ideology or a philosophy . Both the US and the UK had no plan to win a war when they marched triumphantly into Baghdad . We were told that Saddam had Weapons of Mass Destruction . They planned to topple Saddam , find the weapons , win the hearts and minds of the Iraqis and take the oil . TAKE THE OIL . If we had left the day after Saddam was deposed the jubilant Iraqis would have given us the oil for free ! Where once the people of Iraq were pleased to see us now they hate us . They hate that an innocent 14 - year - old girl is raped and murdered by American soldiers along with her innocent family then their bodies burned . If a white 14 - year - old girl had been gang raped by foreigners , her white five - year old brother and parents shot in the head in Bethnal Green or Brooklyn what reaction would we have ? I tell you now that the streets would be raging with the rightful fury and indignation of those frightened residents . Yet , if the people of Dahuc complain or protest or demonstrate they are accused of being Insurgents or Terrorists and risk their lives to say it how it is . What new FREEDOMS have the US and the UK brought to the people of Iraq ? The same freedom the people of the US enjoy ? The freedom to be poor , fat , uneducated and lazy ? Is this how we express our divine right to freedom ? When the trial of Saddam is done will the people of Iraq reflect on what they gave up ? When the US chop off his head will they see just another Iraqi bending to our white will or are they going to cheer ? Who will cheer more than Saddam as he goes martyred to the gallows ? George W Bush , like a priggish child , complains that his fellow citizens have to buy oil from folks who ' don 't like us ' . They don 't like us . Why don 't they like us ? We have DEMOCRACY for goodness sake and FREEDOM and our girlies don 't have to wear that silly scarf and can get pregnant when they are 13 years old and take drugs and join gangs and live a godless life without spiritual guidance . If we do well we can afford premium cocaine and drink ourselves silly . We can imprison our grandparents in stinking old peoples homes . We can can give our children prescription drugs so that their inquisitive natures are dulled . People of Iraq vote for freedom , for democracy , for decadence . My body craved the daily walk up Runyon Canyon that I denied it this morning . My thighs hurt from the leg work out at the gym . Took the bus from Labrea to Doheny along Sunset . Walked down hill from Sunset to Santa Monica . The bus is the university bus so it has fewer mad people on it . Less amputees and hunchbacks , fewer old men singing religious songs . The bus along Santa Monica Blvd is the worst for that kind of freak show . Once I saw a man with his head bandaged in loo roll , a wad of loo roll stuffed in his mouth . He could have been Matthew Barney making some sort of site - specific artwork I suppose but I doubt it . When I lived in Santa Monica I took the Blue Bus all the way up Wilshire to the agencies . I had meetings with teams of agents from CAA and Endeavour and ICM and all the usual suspects . When AKA happened I never expected the positive reaction and was totally unprepared . Unprepared for the BAFTA nomination . Unprepared for the applause . It is what people come here to LA wishing , praying for and I did not know what to do with it when it was offered to me . You should have seen their agent faces when I told them that I had taken the bus . This was EVIDENCE of insanity . It should have been a wonderful time after AKA but it was a terrible stress . It was the only time in my life that my enemies had to work over time to keep me down . They were so desperate they ended up revealing themselves . It was good to know that I wasn 't a mad paranoid fool . I had evidence that people did not want me to get on in Hollywood . Threatening e - mails , anonymous phone calls to agents and double - dealing . It was funny that these people were going to all this effort - you know I cannot blame them . They have their reasons but it is true that what goes around comes around . We all pay for our cruelties in the end . I went from being totally ignored in London , being told that nobody would be interested in my film by Paul T at The Film Council to having all the major talent agencies chasing me . They were tenacious . Even after I had signed with Endeavour one agent drove all the way to Santa Monica to beg me to change my mind about the agency I had signed with . She said to me , in an attempt to persuade me to sign with her , " We have so much in common - we both like being fucked in the ass . " Another , hearing my ambitions to make low - budget films warned that I would " . . end up like Ken Loach . " I heard all of their best agent lines and was unprepared for them . I laughed at their rehearsed speeches . If I had that time again would I do it differently ? Of course I would ! I lasted all of one week with Endeavour . One smug agent thought that my big black leather Smythson 's Diary that I sat beside me during our meeting was a Bible and calling in the assistant to bear witness to her wit asked me what chapter I was reading . I looked at my diary and said carefully , " September ? " The assistant watched her boss squirm for a moment then offered me a coke . Much of what being successful is , is knowing what to do when opportunity is offered to you . I didn 't . I accept my own part in that disaster . Thank God I have never truly desired more than I could have . The concept of ' enough ' is alien to most people . I am a single man . How much do I need ? Do I need a huge house to kick about in on my own ? That would just make me lonely . I think that my house in Whitstable is too big for me . It only really comes alive when it has a family in it . That is what it was built for - a family . Children running and screaming up and down the stairs . I sat in on my 11 . 45 log cabin AA meeting but I was twitchy and felt odd once again to be there . It did not feel the same as the ones I go to in London . I did not feel safe there . Spoke briefly to a Brit who wants to use in his hotel room . He may call . I did my duty . I reached out to another alcoholic . I am working my steps with my sponsor . I am doing what I can at this moment . Claudia collected me from Starbucks and we ate a nasty lunch in a cafe on Cahuenga . We talked about Eugenio as usual . What a life he leads ! I am glad not to be pimping for him anymore . Dragging boys up from Hyde or The Abbey to the ten million dollar mansion with Richard for EL to impress with his art and drugs . What was I doing there ? What did I think could possibly be the outcome of such a friendship ? When they all left I settled down to write this . I thought about something that has been haunting me for months maybe years . I never understood why Jay Jopling and I fell out . It has always been a mystery to me . He was once my close friend - then I was ignored . One day , last year , I was with a woman who admitted to me that she had lied to him about me . She admitted to me that she told him lies that I knew would have upset him greatly . Jay is a loyal man and will not tolerate disloyalty . SHE destroyed our relationship . I suddenly missed him . I missed him being my friend as he had been and now never would be - even if that woman called him tonight and told him the truth Jay and I would have missed out on so much together . Sunday . Day of rest . AA meeting to go to . I may walk this evening . The same young man just left the house that left last week . No sex . I was not interested . That 's cool . Saturday is Dom Day . We had lunch at M Cafe on Labrea . Dom had his oil changed at Jiffy Lube whilst we ate the contents of a bento box . Nothing to say about our conversation . After lunch we drove to Fred Siegel and bumped into Richard Squire and his friend Saweeda . They looked happy . More comments about my beard . In store Velvet bomber jacket by Lanvin costs $ 4000 . I was shocked . I wanted to try it on but they did not have my size . I laughingly told the shop assistant ( really sweet boy ) that I had no intention of buying a $ 4000 velvet jacket - what ever the label . I could buy a scooter for that or invest in a new artist . " They don 't care what you look like , " Dom said , " All they want is their commission . " They don 't care about you - it 's true . After Fred Siegel I napped for an hour and then Devon , very kindly , dropped me off at Marc Selwyn 's gallery on Wilshire to see the work of Paul P . Beautifully executed miniature paintings of boys from historical gay porn . I was the first one there . I enjoyed looking at his work on my own in the gallery . Reminded me of Whistler and Carriere . The dry point was particularly fine . Xan Rufus - Issacs arrived who loved the work and I think he may buy one of the paintings if one comes available ; it was , needless to say , a sell out . In that part of town there were very , many exhibitions last night . Mostly new artists showing in established galleries . At Paul Kopeikin 's gallery , however , amongst the new tat I found a perfectly lovely David Hockney photo collage of the artists mother and a young blond man . I loved it . I remember in the late 80 's being bored by those huge ungainly photomontage pieces . Now I see that they are great works . $ 40 , 000 seemed cheap . Xan and I are really connecting . He is very funny and warm . I find that I am slightly in awe of him for all the wrong reasons but am aware of this . I told him what happened with my brother and mother when I was at home . He asked if I had ever made amends to either of them and of course I have never ever made amends to my Mother for past behaviors . I wrote to my brother S offering amends but they were rejected , described as ' nauseating ' . We drove to Gagosian to see some austere black and white Japanese show . It was dull , serious and lacked energy . The crowd was sexier . The men wore expensive hats . Marc Selwyn had very kindly invited us to the dinner he was throwing at his house off of Doheny . The most perfectly charming post and beam set in a tree filled lot . The garden had been set for dinner . A hedge of majestic Cyprus keeping the event secret from the larger houses on the hill . We ate chicken with prunes and cous cous . I sat next to some very sweet collectors from Chicago . There was a great deal of discussion about Iraq , Bush , Iran and Israel . There was one very loud , rich collector who had uninformed opinions which I tried to contextualize . He asked for my number . His wife was dressed in clothes that had names printed all over them and two huge solitaire diamonds on her fleshy lobes . I met Paul P 's boyfriend Scott Treleaven who is a video artist . They live in Toronto but they are moving to Paris . I want them to meet my friend SS . I think that they will get on with her very well . Scott had met Jarman in London and was inspired by him to make video work . I was really impressed by these two young , gay artists . We agreed that American artists seem to shy away from making work that says anything political at all . Why ? Are they scared of being un - patriotic ? Where is the fire that ignites political art ? Can Damien Hirst only make work about love ? The only show I saw in NYC that attempted to say anything about current world politics was Joseph Kosuth at Andrea Rosen . I had a great night and was in bed by 12 . The evenings are drawing in . Next week it will be impossible to eat outside at night without those fierce out - door gas heaters . Now , I am going to walk to Santa Monica Blvd . and get the bus to my AA meeting . 42 dogs on the canyon path today . The path that scars the mountain as you look up at it from Labrea . Blue - eyed man is slowly learning how to say good morning . He glances at me now and cracks the merest smile . " Good morning ! " I say . I hiked much later than usual , seven - thirty rather than six thirty , as I had slept fitfully . Daniel came in late with Jesse his b / f . I could hear them crashing around in his bedroom . Another grey morning . I like it grey and chilly . It started off grey yesterday too but the mist burned off by 11 . 30 when I set out to meet Xan Rufus - Issacs for lunch . My legs were sore from my first stint with a trainer at the gym . Will , the trainer , is a small 25 - year - old actor from the east coast . If he were an animal he would be chip monk . He asked me what exercise I did and I told him that I walked up RC every day . He scoffed . He then proceeded to take me through a punishing and wholly worthless leg programme . My legs , after all , are my best bits . My calves are worked out every day and my thighs and butt get hammered on the Canyon . Will said , " How does that compare with your walk on Runyon Canyon ? " I saw that what he wanted was to PROVE something rather than help me . I shall insist on upper body when I go back on Monday . Lunch was wonderful . Xan and I ate at Italian restaurant on Brighton Way . Our waiter was a bit smelly . I ate antipasto and chocolate cake . We talked about Gus Van Sant , The Dangerous Sports Club - of which Xan was a founder member and his weekend into the wilds of Wyoming . We talked for two hours and afterwards I felt totally invigorated and optimistic . It seems that we have a friend in common - Tim Hunt . I met Tim when I was Lord Rendlesham . I have a very old picture of Tim Hunt , The Princess Anne of Bavaria , Alexis deToquville and me at dinner in Paris in 1982 . Tim runs the Andy Warhol Foundation now . I like talking about that time ; I so rarely get an opportunity to do so with people who understand it . I must be the same age as Xan . 1978 , whilst I was in Whitstable being bullied by my stupid stepfather Xan was leaving a huge stately home and going to Oxford . Barney 's after lunch . I saw apricot silk velvet pillows that I have been hankering after for AGES reduced from $ 350 to $ 100 . I had to buy them . Shop assistant gave me his number . Instead of going home I decided to stop by early at Lisa and Neal 's house that is not far from Barney 's and wait there until Shabbat dinner . I had a wonderful late afternoon playing with Lola , Mikhail and the Bush Baby . They must be all under the age of 4 . Isaac , 8 , arrived and I pretended to be his father 's retarded friend that amused him greatly . 41 on the outside 8 on the inside . Amanda who is 16 came home from school . We looked at the pictures of her summer camp and then we wandered down to Saks to return a vile Lacost shirt . Saks closes at 6 so we missed it and wandered back . She still owns the shirt . I sat in the den with the Bush Baby 's dad Aaron watching bad celebrity TV . The house slowly filled up with relatives of Lisa 's and one particularly annoying Australian actor friend of theirs who is not only unsophisticated but also ugly . Chip . Chip is one of those people who insist on trying to get the better of you . He behaves like an old - fashioned school bully . I first met him when he turned up at Amanda 's sweet 16 at Wacky Waffles on Sunset . He was with Nick Sawyer who was Orlando Bloom 's PA and now produces movies - notably he is producing Macbeth with John Maybury . There was some misunderstanding between Nick and myself about illicit drug taking and we needed to sort it out . Anyway , it was unpleasant and was totally inappropriate for this discussion to take place at Amanda 's sweet sixteen . The moment Chip arrived last night he starts goading me about this incident and was delighted that I did not find it very funny . Chip then asked me to open the wine knowing that I go to AA and really don 't like to do it . When I refused he took Lisa 's brother into the scullery and giggled . What a fucking IDIOT . I had my meeting with James Franco to get to at the Chateau Marmont so I took my cushions and scarpered . All the children came to the door to kiss me goodbye . Arrived at the Chateau . Heard my name being screamed across the lobby . Chris Parker . I could not talk . He was with two girls who looked like they had their phones glued to their ears . All I want to say about James is this : he is a gentleman . We watched the film . We drank Badoit . He drove me home in his Bentley . When I returned from London two weeks ago I felt energised . I felt strong . Two weeks into being back here and I feel put upon . That is the only way to describe it . I feel pressured by unknown forces . Low - level dissatisfaction pervades my day . I engage with fools and play their games . I am already sick of listening to the trials of others in one - sided conversations . I do not trust that people will do their best , I like to think that professionals in the UK give their all rather than here where people do the barest minimum . God works hard for me in LA . I hand over a great deal to him . Perhaps today will be better . How could I forget to mention that the towels have FINALLY been returned to the cupboard in the bathroom where they live . Hurrah ! Thank you for your concerned e - mails and notes . Again , I can confirm that Daniel washed and returned the misssing towels . It is a totally over - cast , grey day on Runyon Canyon . 35 dogs . The elderly Russian men had the stroller with baby as well as a miniature clipped poodle - the ginger variety . Getting to know all of the regulars , what they wear , the route they take , the smell of their antiperspirants . One - man prances down the hill , taking tiny , pointed toe steps like a Lipizzaner horse performing dressage . Bird life evident on a dull morning , I saw plovers , humming birds and crested grouse . It started after I posted my blog . One of my oldest friends called from Europe - I was really pleased to hear from her . She is a very chic art collector who I met and had a brief but passionate affair with when I was in my late teens . As with all of my friends we have had our ups and downs . We have had periods of silence and moments of high drama . I was thrilled to hear from her - I always am but I could hear in her voice that something was wrong , the very same something that I have been aware of for some considerable time . She confronts me - challenges me . We end up having a furious row but instead of slamming the phone down I finally demand to know what was the matter ? What was this all about ? She tearfully told me that she was going to be 52 next week and the penny dropped . Menopause . It was that that had kept her up all night sweating , reliving the past , feeling inadequate - confronting her own mortality , wanting to relive past sexual conquests . On the edge of madness . It was this terrible hormonal upheaval that she could not speak about previously that now explained everything about our recent history . This is real ! This isnt madness and nor was it anything to do with me . Now we have something to work with and work through . She seemed delighted as her friends refused to say that , " Horrible word . " Chris P arrived for lunch and we talked about his recent past . We never talk about me . He never asks about me . He really knows nothing about me . All he knows is that I am mad . Ate at American Rag . $ 35 . Bad shrimp salad - unsatisfactory French toast . Moody waitress expecting a huge tip . Tips get on my fucking nerves . Tips are for good service . Since when did they become mandatory ? My worst tip experience happened in NYC when I paid by credit card and then left the tip ( double the tax ) in cash . I left the restaurant only to have the not very attentive waitress scream after me , " Where 's my God Damned tip ? " I told her that I had left it on the table in cash - we went back to where I was sitting and there it was on the saucer where I had left it . I asked the waitress for an apology , she refused , I took back the tip . Chris and I discussed Joe Townley and why I don 't really want to see him . It isn 't him . It is who I become when I see him . I don 't like who I am when I spend time with Joe . My friend Charlie P is a rich , successful media man . When I need advice or guidance I call him . He is incredibly generous with his time . Whenever we meet I insist that I pay for our lunch or dinner . I feel that it is right and proper that I do so . He is always pleased because nobody ever pays for him . It suddenly occurred to me yesterday why sexual favours are so prevalent in this city . I have sat on so many occasions with actors advising them about their careers . Who to go to , who is good , who can help etc . Do these people ever think for one moment what this is worth to them ? Do they consider that it might me nice to take me to lunch for helping them ? Then I realised . They have nothing to give . Young poor men and women have only their bodies to offer for good advice . That is the currency of the Hollywood meat market economy . After lunch I was meant to be seeing another actor who used to be in Angel but he failed to show up . This flaky arrogant behaviour is so LA . I called him and shouted at him for ten minutes . He is a deeply closeted actor . He accused me of being over emotional . This is the second time that he has let me down . I could have been with Gil and the kids or seen my sponsor or prepared some writing . Instead of which I sat around waiting for a tosser who could not be bothered to call . I joined the gym . What a palaver . I had decided that I wanted to join LA Fitness at the end of the street . It is walkable , it is new and the facilities are good . I made up my mind , my credit card in my hand I told the girl at the desk that I wanted the introductory offer of $ 35 a month and could I get a membership ? Nothing so fucking simple I 'm afraid . I had to meet Carl who was going to show me the ' facilities ' . Carl told me all about his marriage break - up . Carl made no bones about the fact he thought I was gay . " This is the kiddie room but a man like you won 't be needing that . " He asked what I thought I was doing climbing Runyon Canyon at my age - he suggested that I had to take care of my ' brittle bones ' . " I want you to come HERE every day Roy . " " My first name is Duncan . " I told him for the 5th time . " Is that your black Bentley parked outside Roy ? " Peter Youngblood - Hills for dinner . Peter was in AKA he played Benjamin . We have had many adventures all over the world together and now we both live in LA . He arrived at my house on the scooter I want to buy . I cooked dinner . We had a great time together . We looked at his amazing photographs . He showed me the ones he took of me in Baja . We discussed JA who we stayed with there . We knew then that something was wrong with her . She was so thin and her jaw jutted out . Baja killed JA . All that misery she had to deal with . We talked about the whales we had seen and what a majestic experience it was . Peter has been in Africa with his friend Leonardo . Scoober diving with manta rays . He found cave dwelling shamans and photographed them . We discussed the Sufi myth The Conference of the Birds , which Peter Brook staged in Paris in 1980 . I remember seeing that play as if I had just seen it yesterday . I had made my way to Paris just to see the play . I used to love theatre . I just hated making something that existed then there was no real evidence that we had existed at all . It is my arrogance that demands that I leave a mark . I woke at sunrise and slogged up the hill . Very few people are out and about that early . Before the sun breaks over the horizon it is easier to see the path ahead of you . It is not going to be so hot today , 10 degrees cooler . Every day , before my walk , I pray for JA . Yesterday was another bangingly hot day . After yesterdays hike I wrote e - mails and noted that , annoyingly , my blog had moved out of sequence . Yesterday was a simple day . Chatted more to Chris P about his career . Had lunch with Clifton at American Rag we sat next to two very over weight managers who said things like , " He 's the next Charlie Kaufman . " I ate the avocado stuffed with coronation chicken salad . $ 50 including tip . After lunch my beautiful actor friend Josh came over to discuss his auditions . He is so fucking handsome yet lacks that essential oomph that gets him the job . He is probably a good enough actor but when you audition and are THAT fit you need to follow through with direct eye contact ( he has piercing blue eyes ) and crack that cheeky smile and every single door in LA will open before you . Josh is worried that people will perceive him as arrogant if he is too sure of himself . When you are that beautiful people expect you to be a little bit arrogant . Nobody wants a nerd in buffs clothing . I have never been that good - looking but I exude confidence and I genuinely believe that things are going to work out . I rarely feel defeated , even when things are DIRE . Since I got sober nothing frightens me . So many people live in so much fear . Financial insecurity , snakes , Muslims , preparing raw meat . When I was younger I was ok looking , young - looking , but when I walked into a room people were aware that I was there : by reputation , by the way I dressed but mostly by my presence . It 's a fact . Josh is a war hero fresh from Iraq - he should be super confident . I will take him to the next Hollywood do I go to . He needs to be out there , dressed up , making things happen . Letting people know who he is . We all do that in this city . It is like living in 17th Century Versailles . The etiquette , the pecking order , the instant recognition that leads to stellar patronage . Who sits where in restaurants or how they are sitting and with whom they sit . Madame de Pompadour by Nancy Mitford is a great book to read if you really want to know how Hollywood works . As a maverick film maker ( Sharon calls me the gay film enfant terrible ) I am intrigued by it all but do not invest in it . One day I would like to make a film about the three most powerful gays in the city . The producer and the two agency bosses . Each of them have such a different style in business and their relationship with boys can be used as a metaphor for their general dealings . One of them is corrupt and corrupting . One creates protégés in the boys he dates and the other hires boys then dismisses them . Had long chat with Effie Brown who is post producing Dorian Gray . She is a saint . Very business like though , very strong . I really like her , you know exactly where you stand with Effie . No bullshit ! ! The Internet introduced me to a young man who came over as a prospective date . We fed the tame squirrel nuts . No sex . He left when Dom turned up to take me to dinner with his friend Andres who is moving to Zurich . Oddly he knows the sister of Antoinette Stern with whom we spent New Years Eve . The Beef ribs we gnawed on for dinner were disgusting . $ 25 . I was a bit hyper after having spent all day with Josh . Conversation about Lindsay Ls vagina on the Internet . No knickers as she got out of the car . Poor LL . thirty - four dogs on Runyon Canyon . Saw a group of elderly Russian men pushing a baby in a stroller . Had sudden panic that I could be arrested for smiling at lesbians . " I smile at everybody . " Would be my pathetic defence in the courtroom . Nobody smiles on Runyon Canyon . Sprinting up the canyon I thought about my father dying of pancreatic cancer when he was only 53 . The last pictures of him are on his hospital bed looking defeated but still very fat . He only had one eye . Lost it in a Porsche racing accident . I thought , as I was running up the very steep bit of the canyon , my heat pounding , if I should really be taking it easy at my age . I could just drop dead at any moment . I thought about this : When my father was a young man somebody threw him out of a second floor window because he owed them money . Yesterday began with Erik L the writer arriving to rake over My Funny Valentine for comedy ideas . We began discussing each character , their motivation etc . We decided that the leading man 's sidekick needed to be a group rather than an individual . We nailed the ' heavenly ' side of the story into shape and made sense of what happens on earth . Discussed casting . Needs to be cast by AFM . Erik left just after lunch . Dan Glenn popped by to cheer me up even though I was perfectly cheery . A few minutes after he left Chris Parker arrived with chocolate muffins . We sat by the back door and ate them . The squirrel that lives in my yard likes me spraying him with cold water . Chris and I amused ourselves with that for a little while . Chris may go back to London and get on with his acting . I used to scoff at LA dream chasing but now I see that it is all part of the process . We discussed his career then he too drove off . I am a refugee in this city . I cannot go home and do what I do here . Very hot yesterday and the day before . Tony my neighbour dropped by to say hello . He had been in Redondo Beech dressed as a Hot Dog for three days being paid $ 50 an hour . Children hugging his legs . He lost a lot of weight in that costume . Dinner with Ian Drew at The Chateau Marmont . As we arrived Will Carter screams at me , " Have you been doing BED AND BRAKFAST ? " I am stunned . Why would the maitre de of the Chateau Marmont know such a thing ? I admit that I have . " It 's all over town . " Ian pipes up . I flounder for a moment . How can I explain just how important it is for me to honour both sides of who I am ? When I do b and b I serve rather than be served , I listen rather than be heard . It is terribly important for arrogant bad Duncan to be of service . That 's why I do Reiki . I looked a little perplexed but thankfully Nicole Richie arrived and kissed us all and the B and B topic was , thankfully , set aside . Anyway , this perfectly describes the collision of my two lives . Ian and I have a very jolly supper . Shrimp / Artichoke / Steak . We discuss my life pre Whitstable this summer when we sort of lost contact - I was traded in for a boyfriend . I told him how mad it became going up to see EL every night . Night after night with Lindsey Lohan and that gang watching them party . We discuss the Prada party that neither of us bothered going to but was apparently the best party of the season thrown by our friend Amanda Demme . The last memorable party she threw was a Prince private concert for 200 people at the Roosevelt . I went with Ian and we must have been the only non - celebrities there . Ian is best known for giving evidence at the Michael Jackson trial . Half way through dinner Ian made us move inside to a very bad table because he thought he saw Elizabeth Taylor . It wasn 't . I see my friend Steve Garbarino ( editor in chief of Black Book ) with Stellan Skarsgaard and sit with them for a moment . Maddy , Steves divine girl friend is packing in her room before she heads back to New York . I see the adorable James Franco eating dinner with his charming friends . We will meet this Friday to watch my film . Joel Mikely was busy with Peter Bogdanovitch and Brittany Murphy . I love Joel . Sadly , I also bumped into DP ( Paramount number cruncher ) and TB ( bit player ) who are ghastly people . Snobby DP telling more dreary stories about getting drunk - she had just returned from Deauville film festival and was disappointed that there were too few parties . She boasted , " Last time I was here at the Chateau I was up until 5 getting WASTED . " Ha ha ha . When is she going to realise just how un - cool that is ? TB may be amused by the John Travolta US Weekly issue . TB is a ( very cute ) gay who is vile about gays in public . Ian complimented DP 's new longer , wavy hair extensions . In the lobby Will introduced us to two very handsome marines who had some how got past security . They invited us to have a drink at the Bar Marmont . I had lemonade . Ian was impatient to get to Foo Bar and belt out something by The Rolling Stones . We love karaoke . Monday nights are better but we had a great time anyway . The marines were sweet and very gay / gay friendly . After Ian brilliantly sang to us all we said goodbye to the marines and drove to Beige on Sunset but it was dead after labor day . Ian introduced himself to anybody we met as Kate Moss . " You filled out a bit Kate . " one rather cute Latino boy cheekily spat back at him . Of course all I could hear on the way home was , " Do you think I 'm fat ? " After the holiday weekend perhaps everybody had already hiked by 7am or perhaps they come later after a heavy night . I whipped up the Canyon in no time . I had a great deal on my mind . At first I thought about not going or taking an easier path but every time my head tells me to take a day off my workout - to take the softer , easier path - I remind myself that JA is savoring every day as it may be her last and so , out of respect , should I . On the way down the Canyon I try to say good morning to everyone I meet . I have learned that to simply nod and smile is ignored . The sort of nod and smile that I would appreciate on Whitstable beach for instance . A mouthed ' morning ' always solicits a reply from old people and people of colour but never from young white men or women . A hearty British old - fashioned ' Good Morning ' shakes all of them out of their self - obsession . Of course , one can look totally insane doing that . The best way to make contact with any of them is to say hello to their dog . However , I refuse to talk to dogs . " Come on Philip . " Calling dogs ' human names is , quite frankly , batty . I like Dogs to have Dog names like Scamp , Napkin , Ruffian etc . If owners must insist on human names for dogs then choose names that express something about the nature of the specific dog e . g . Napoleon . Manny 's on Fairfax for breakfast yesterday with the gang ( food is just OK , the waitress forgets to post order so food arrives 40 mins after we did . ) The couple on the table next to us arrive carrying a dog in a basket - a shaved Pomeranian . Just its face remained Pomeranian looking . They pulled the dog out of the bag and plop it under the table . " Is your dog friendly ? " They ask the couple next to us . " No . " I say . We all laugh . We make small talk about the Pomeranian . I tell them that their dog looks like Dakota Fanning . " We never heard that before . " They say , laughing . I ask them if they are trying for a baby . I am forever asking straight couples if they are trying for a baby . " That 's our baby . " she said . On another table there is an Italian Grey Hound that is so thin it obviously has bulimia . " Does your dog have self - image problems ? " I ask . They laugh . Imagine that thin dog thing hanging over the toilet - it 's little paw shoved down its throat . My friend arrived with his dog Nick which is a terrier / chihuahua mix and quite sweet I suppose . When we got home I realised that Nick was going to be like a third person in the apartment . When we went to lay on the bed my friend insisted Nick came too . Call me old - fashioned but I do not think that sleeping with dogs is entirely hygienic . So , rather than spend time with me on our own and put the dog outside the bedroom he left . What preoccupied me as I climbed the mountain ? My roommate , Daniel . Where do I begin ? The towels have not been returned . Daniel and his very young boyfriend pick at my stuff in the kitchen , nuts etc . , but not enough for me to make a decent complaint . I buy a huge carton of kitchen roll ; he buys two ( to make matters worse his towels are printed with gold - fish ) . He occasionally forgets to flush the toilet leaving the lid down so when I lift it … Then , last night at 3 . 45 , I wake , as if from a nightmare , hearing a huge crash in the kitchen , of course , think that somebody is breaking into the apartment I leap out of bed . I see that the rug in the hall is folded over and rather than be timid I shout . " Who the fuck is there ? " and charge toward the kitchen . Standing in the dark is Daniel holding a bowl of cereal and a glass of juice . He is obviously very drunk and calmly begins questioning me about why I am screaming around the house . His tone is sinister . " Tell me exactly why you found it necessary to scream . " I heard him say as I retreated . I go to bed . I can hear that my neighbors have heard what is going on and will need to explain to them later . Joe Townley called . He is having a great time in early sobriety . I remember my first sober New Years Eve . I was in the Sydney Opera House watching The Magic Flute . During the interval we watched the midnight fire works that set the entire Sydney Harbour Bridge ablaze and then we returned to the opera house for the second part of the opera . Perfect . My first six sober New Years Eve were even more perfect than the last . Three mediocre New Years Eve followed ( including one with Georgina in Sydney ) and then last year , of course , I was in St Moritz with the wonderful Antoinette Stern .
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Have you ever heard of the Apologia Live conferences for homeschool mothers ? They aren 't blog conferences - they are more like RETREATS to encourage and fill a homeschool mom 's heart and help her on her journey . I met with the Apologia team here in Austin for a pre - retreat luncheon about a month ago and was completely blown away by their program and ministry . I felt the presence of God when I was with those women , listening to them pour their hearts out about the vision they had of lifting up and ministering to homeschool mothers . Apologia Live has conferences in four cities : Atlanta , Austin , Baltimore , and Chicago . These are NOT curriculum fairs - for vendors - nor are they Apologia - pushing fairs ( they don 't care if you use their curriculum - they just want to fill you up full of hope and encouragement so you can stay the course ) . For conferences , the price is very reasonable . Anyone who has been to a women 's retreat would agree . They charge $ 119 for a conference ticket , but they have a buy one , get one free policy for friends so that you can purchase two tickets for just $ 78 each . That , my friends , is a steal ! I was thrilled to find out that there 's a Live conference near me . I plan on attending the conference this year and if you are in the Austin area , I hope you 'll put it on your calendar . It will be at the Crowne Plaza Austin on October 21 - 22 , 2011 ( of course , the other cities are on different dates - so check the Apologia Live website for more details ) . Speaker line up includes : Rachael Carman , Zan Tyler , Elizabeth Smith , Debra Bell , Jeannie Fulbright , and special guest Heidi St . John ! The conference has three tracks : elementary , junior high , and high school . If you register , the price covers the conference / retreat from 5 : 30pm Friday until 4 : 15 Saturday , and includes one meal : Saturday lunch . Rooms are a separate fee and the Austin rooms are at a discounted rate of 119 $ if you book by September 29th . Be sure to visit the travel page link in this paragraph to find out details about booking before you call . After meeting the women behind the Apologia Live ministry , I was invited to get to know Rachael Carman better by interviewing her for the Apologia Live Blog Hop . They sent me two of her books and allowed me to pick her brain a little . Here below are her answers to some of my questions - from one homeschool mom to another . . . and that 's what homeschool moms really need - mentoring and encouragement from those who are further along on the path . I can 't wait for you to meet Rachael if you don 't already know her : 1 . I loved the introduction and story you told in your book , " How to Have a H . E . A . R . T . For Your Kids " . For the benefit of my readers , Tell me about yourself in a nutshell - the quick bio . . . The quick bio - nothing too impressive here - after all we all have a story . Short bio , yikes - so , I had a happy childhood . I am the oldest of two children born to a preacher who moved around a bunch . I think we counted that I had close to 20 addresses before I got married . Davis and I have been married since 1986 and we have been blessed with 7 children . This year Davis and I celebrated 25 years of marriage - it has been a wild ride ! I started speaking to women 's groups before I started home schooling . I really love to encourage moms ! When we committed to home schooling for the long haul , I wanted to share my story and my passion with other moms so I started speaking and writing as a home school mom . Along the way I have had the opportunity to write two books . The first was " Soundbites from Heaven : What God wants to say to you when you talk to your kids " with Focus on the Family . The second just came out this last March with Apologia , " How to Have a HEART for Your Kids " . Since we purchased Apologia in 2008 , I have taken on the new title of " President 's wife " a role I enjoy very much . Now we have the opportunity to travel across the country encouraging home school families together ! Good question . I struggled in school . The moves we made as a family were probably to blame for some of my challenges , but I was also diagnoised with dyslexia in the 8th grade . My parents were able to get me into intense tutoring and I learned some techniques to help me in my studies , but it was not easy . I also had a challenging high school experience , not at all fun . I was bullied and it was intense . I actually graduated high school a year early just to get out of the situation . Anyway , I wanted to help those kids that people either just overlooked or the ones that people mistreated . I loved history and English , so teaching seemed like the perfect fit ! God has an incredible sense of humor . I really loved teaching . I taught in TX and then when we moved to OH I did home bound instruction for two years . In OH I interviewed and was offered a grant position for ' at risk ' kids which was my dream job . But by the time the offer came , God was already working on my heart and I couldn 't leave Charles at a daycare full - time . He was only a toddler then , but he had my heart and I had a great support system encouraging me to be a stay - at - home mom . Just a few short years later God would give me a classroom again , in my own house , with my own kids . God always keeps His promises - He gave me the desire of my heart in my home . He is so good ! Davis and I met when I was home for the summer between my sophmore and jr years in college . I only had a couple of weeks left at home before I was to return to college when a friend invited me to a single 's Bible study . I really didn 't want to go . I wasn 't interested in meeting anyone , I was heading back to school . But as I sat in the parking lot seriously considering leaving , some really cute guy parked his red sports car and walked into the building where the group was supposed to meet . I didn 't know if we were going to the same place , but I was curious enough to get out of my car and follow him to find out . And there he sat , at the table , ready for the Bible study . When that ended and I admit , I have no idea what we studied that night , we all headed to Chili 's . He showed up late , but I was glad he was there . We finally got to talk and accidentally sat beside each other in a movie . On the next Sunday that same group went for pizza after evening service . I normally wouldn 't have cared , but he had my interest , so I went . He gave me a ride home that night and asked me out on a date for that next week . We are grateful for God 's grace and mercy in our relationship as we didn 't know each other very long before we were married . Our journey has been eventful and challenging , but God has held us together and taught us so much . We are thankful and humbled by His faithfulness . Ahh , the kid question . Davis came from a family with 4 children and I had only one brother . ( My Dad is one of 6 and his mother is one of 9 . ) I think that we discussed a number in premarital counseling , but I don 't remember what we said - remember it was a whirlwind ! We were excited to welcome our first child , the first grandchild on both sides too . But after a stressful and painful delivery , I felt done . Labor and delivery were much harder than I had been prepared for and I saw no need to repeat . Our son Charles then showed signs of being strong - willed by the age of 18mos and then I knew for sure I was done . He was a real challenge and I couldn 't imagine having another . We were all three first borns , Davis , Charles and I , so I felt like we could get along fine - we could all have our space and we could understand each other . ( all of that is code for just how selfish I was ! I didn 't like the idea of this child or any other subsequent children interfering with what I wanted . ) Even though Charles was strong willed , I came to think that it was selfish of me to make him an only child , he needed a playmate . So we had Anderson . Now I was really done . I liked it when we were Davis , Rachael and the boys . I liked the idea of being the queen - this is bordering on being a little too honest , but it is the ugly truth ! Anderson was a dear child , compliant and a great companion for Charles . They were like a couple of puppies ! During this time we moved three times in as many years - really challenging time . It was during this time that the idea of a daughter began to appeal to me . Now I knew there were no guarantees , but I was willing to take the risk . Davis too had come to the place where he was willing to risk having a daughter - he had been terrified up until this point and God had been working in his heart . So we welcomed Savannah Anne into our family . She had a profoundly positive affect on Charles from the beginning . It would have been easy to argue that we shouldn 't have had any more because Charles was so demanding , so defiant , so difficult , but it really didn 't work that way . Having Anderson and then Savannah Anne served him better than any more one - on - one time with me would have . He needed to be the big brother . He needed to lead . He needed to have to share . He needed to witness their natural cooperation and obedience and work through his rebellion . About this time , Davis was beginning to sense the prodding of the Holy Spirit to have more children but we didn 't know anyone with more than three . So we arranged to meet with a family who had 7 after church one Sunday . The best summary of that meeting would be - life changing and personally challenging . From then on we didn 't ' plan ' or ' try ' the rest of our family , we let God do it . As a result we welcomed Molly , Elizabeth , Joseph and Benjamin . I am so grateful to have each one . I am humbled and honored to be their mom . And I am so glad that God got a hold of our hearts to ' welcome the little children ' . faithfulness to meet our every need . I must remember that God has a unique plan for each of our kids and therefore a unique plan for our home school . It really shouldn 't matter to me what every one else is doing , but rather , what is it that God would have me do ? Second , when I try to hold on to my perfectionistic tendencies , everyone loses . I have to remember that I am not perfect , nor does God require me to be . He desires for me to accept His perfect love and grace and walk in His peace . He asks me to trust Him and let all of my junk go . When I start valuing perfection I allow relationships to be neglected because I let stuff get in the way of people . I have to really stand guard on this one . curriculum , or assignment sheets or whatever . I don 't want to be questioned , but obeyed . Now obviously being obeyed is an appropriate response from a child to a parent , which is not what I am talking about . I am talking aboutthose times when something is not working in our home school and choose to stay in denial rather than change because I liked the plan . That is the point when I have to step away and seek God . Usually the problem is that I didn 't seek Him to begin with , I just ran ahead of Him . Homeschooling is a great adventure . There are portions of the journey that are relaxing and fun and enjoyable , times that are characterized by laughter , while others are characterized by tears . Some portions of the journey are relatively easy and flat with beautiful , breathtaking views , which should be soaked up for the road ahead . Other portions of the journey are much more rigorous and challenging , like trying to hike the Grand Canyon in a thick fog . It is important to stay on the course set out for us , keep Him and His will always in our sights and let everything else go ! He will be there to greet us at the finish line - " Well done good and faithful servant ! " The whole issue of husband support and family support has been a split one for us . Davis has been whole heartedly supportive - it was actually his idea ! But the extended family has been a challenge . I realize that many couples struggle with this , but we have not . I recently joked that I have not considered putting the kids on the school bus , but I have considered escaping on one myself ! ! No , we pretty much drove a stake in the ground and decided several years ago that home schooling along with our Christian faith are two things that are going to define our family . Two things that we are not willing to negotiate or compromise . Now extended family friction we have had . In fact , my parents were adamantly opposed for the first 8 years of our home school journey . They would quiz the kids , communicate their concerns about their acedemic progress and my health and shake their heads . We were encouraged to ' think of the kids ' which was obviously exactly what we were doing . I had to come to realize that their concerns really weren 't not a judgement on me personally , they were actually based on their perspective , their experience . When my parents went to school the most concerning thing a student might do in class was chew gum . My parent 's schools had prayer , the pledge and the ten commandments . My parent 's schools were worlds apart from today 's . Mom and Dad couldn 't imagine why I would not want my kids to have their experience and experience that isn 't available in today 's public schools . Over time we were able to discuss these disparities and ways they could support our home schooling . We sent them handwritten scripture verses , held end - of - the - year performances and recitals , and exhibited art work and science projects . Time was on our side . As Mom and Dad witnessed the changes in Davis and I and the growth of the kids both educationally and spiritually , they caught the vision too . They have been our best cheerleaders the last 7 years ! The mission of the Apologia Live Retreats is to affirm , encourage , challenge , inspire and celebrate the home school journey ! We want to create a context in which home school moms can struggle well and finish strong . Home school moms often feel alone , discouraged and overwhelmed . It is our prayer that the moms who attend will return home renewed , rejuvenated , and refreshed . At an Apologia Live Retreat we have six seasoned speakers woven together with worship and two sessions dedicated exclusively to prayer . Those seven women - 6 speaker and 1 worship leader are all seasoned home school moms collectively representing over 100 years of home schooling . This year we have guest speakers Heidi St John and Pam Tebow joining us . We have expanded this year to four cities : Chicago and Austin in October and Baltimore and Atlanta in March . And to encourage moms to attend we are offering buy 2 registrations , get one free - go online to get the details ! The retreat itself is a spiritual , not particularly practical or ' how - to ' . So due to popular request we have added what we have named a ' Nuts and Bolts ' pre - retreat program to run Friday morning 9 - 2 : 30 . During this time we will be offering workshops led by the same speaker team for preschool , elementary , junior high and high school on a practical level . We want to reach out to the preschool moms who are already home schooling their kids and just don 't know it yet . . . those who are interested in learning more about homeschooling . . . the moms who wouldn 't go to a home school conference but would come to this because it is smaller and less intimidating . This morning pre - retreat is only $ 25 and includes lunch and $ 10 at the Apologia book table . Now that is a deal ! After that program , we are excited to have a session featuring home school graduates who will give a brief presentation about their home school experience and then answer questions . At each of the retreats we will have home school graduates working and available to talk with you about your question and concerns . I could talk about this for a long time ! All the specifics are at our website , apologialive . com . If you don 't find the answers to your questions there - you can email us at liz @ apologia . com or call our toll free number - 888 - 524 - 4724 . This is an easy one : getting to know my kids and getting to see God at work every day ! I often think that if other moms and dads would just try it for a little while , they wouldn 't be able to stop . The problem is that I know it isn 't that easy . The deal is that to really get to know your kids and to really get to see God work , you have to die to yourself , and that 's hard . Not many people want to do that . There are many people who want to know their kids on their terms ; they want it to be fun and easy . And they want to see God work , as long as He works within their comfort zone . But I haven 't found either to work . Getting to know my kids has been hard work and it mostly started with me getting over me , with me dying to me , with me embracing Christ 's example of selflessness . Similarly , I have not ever seen God do something amazing within my comfort zone - no He demands that I leave it and come on out - beyond myself . I have said that when I get out way beyond myself - like where I cannot see me from where I am standing - that is where I can start to see God . It is out in the wilderness - the place that is barren of ' me ' that is His promise land ; that is where He dwells , where He shows His might . I have often settle for fireworks in the distance which appear faintly and are barely audible . He wants to give me a front row seat for the flashes of light that take my breath away and the sounds that thunder and shake my insides . I am so grateful for this journey into home schooling . When I think of the relationships I would have missed with my kids because of my selfish pursuits . When I think of all of the provisions and all of the miracles I have witnessed in their lives and mine as God has worked out His purpose in them , I am humbled . So grateful to be apart of what God is doing everyday - so blessed . Living life abundant ! I tend to be an eclectic person . I do not do anything exclusively . I generally follow a curriculum adding and subtracting to fit our family needs . There is no way I could list everything , but here is a smathering : In the preschool years I love Five in a Row . I am debating putting this up in the attic this year as we have outgrown it , but I can hardly stand the thought of not having those books on a shelf to remind me of the by - gone snuggling days ! One of the most wonderful memories surrounding those books for me has been how the older children would remember the books and ask to read ' this week 's ' Five in a Row book to their younger siblings . The titles bring back so many warm memories . I already look forward to reading them to my grandchildren . I have all three sets and am only missing a few titles , though I still shop on ebay to try and make my sets complete . Next we used Beautiful Feet . Again , I loved the teacher 's guide and the simplicity of the layout . I know I can count on their titles for good reading material . Sonlight is another favorite . Talk about a great reading list - it is still a go - to for me when I plan each year . I own a couple of key year ' core ' manuals which I plan to keep over the long haul . ( FWIW - I use a sharpie to mark all of the readers as to the curriculum and the year so that I can easily sort them when I need to do so . ) Not surprisingly we use Apologia for science . We used it before we bought the company or even knew it was for sale ! Everyone we knew used it , so we tried it and loved it like so many others . In addition to Apologia science , we also use the worldview series " What We Believe " . This curriculum was one of the first things we wanted to develop when we purchased the company and we are encouraged to hear from so many families who are being blessed by it ! As to support books , many of my favorites are ones that Apologia now publishes . . . that has been one of the benefits of expanding the company to press books . Many of the authors have been my heroes for years and now they are also my friends ! Some of them are on our speaker team for Live , so you can meet them and get to know them . Home schooling is a journey - I think I have mentioned that before . We have had to make some changes and adjustments along the way , but God has been faithful to guide us each year . It has been amazing how much I have learned along side my children . 10 . Can you tell us about your parental difficulties raising children who were ' like ' you / ' strong willed ' ? I 'd especially like to hear more about this one . . . even if it is a brief summary in a blog post ! What about that strong - willed child , the one just like me ? My first son was my first strong - willed child . ( I have another , but that is still a work in process ! ) You could say that I gave birth to the answer to my mother 's prayer that I would one day have a child just like me - check ! Charles and I are so similar . God has done a great work in both of us and again , I am so grateful . Try as I might I wanted to blame all of the friction between us on him , but I was the adult , supposed to me the mature one . In reality , God was pursuing my heart , my hard , stubborn , selfish heart , through my son . God knew that I loved Charles and God knew that I loved me . And God loved me enough to challenge me to let go of me and take hold of Him . Charles showed signs of this strong will at a very young age , throwing himself on the floor , yelling and screaming , arguing and insisting on his way . He could dig his heels in so fast . ( See I would watch Charles throw a fit on the floor and be appalled at his behavior all the time though I was throwing a similar fit in my heart towards God . I thought I was concealing it , but God saw it . ) I was so naïve that I thought that we were just going to get the terrible two 's over with early , no , actually we had just started them earlier ! Those were hard days , long days , trying days . I was sure I couldn 't do this . I was just not cut out for it . I read every book I could put my hands on , but nothing seemed to work . Truth was , I was focused on fixing the wrong person . Silly me , it is funny to look back . I loved Charles , but I wasted a bunch of time longing for him to be old enough to go to school instead of enjoying the blessing God had sent to me . When he was only two , I took a part - time job and had him in daycare so I could have some me time . Even after his brother was born , I had Charles in daycare so I could maintain my sanity . I was deceived into thinking - like many moms in our culture - that the only answer to our relationship issues was time away and space apart . Oh how many times have I had some one comment to me that they could never spend ' that much time ' with their kids , because they would kill them . That is what the world says , the world says that if your kids are tough , if your kids are challenging , send them away from you and let someone else dial with it . I tell the whole story in the introduction of my book How to have a HEART for Your Kids . In short , God interceded to save my relationship with Charles and his with me . We didn 't know it at the time , but God was pursuing both of our hearts . In the end , the wisdom of the world was dead wrong . And I do mean dead wrong . Had we insisted on following the world 's wisdom and refused to respond to the Holy Spirit 's prompting and leading , our relationship with Charles would have probably died . To God be the glory that His way , His will is perfect . He directed our path and put our feet on solid ground , leading us way outside out comfort zone , out where we didn 't know anyone , where the only one we had was Him . It was an amazing time of blessing to experience first hand His blessing and His faithfulness . Home schooling Charles was intense . And he was not the only one I had enrolled in the Carman Family Home School . There were times - many times - when I wanted to give up and throw in the towel . But in my flesh weakness , God was my strength and by His grace alone we persevered . Charles will be 21 in October . It seems impossible that either of us survived the rigorous obstacle course God put us through . But on this side of it all , I clearly see His hands helping us up , holding us and leading us through it all . I have told our story - me and Charles - many , many times . I wrote and article about it entitled - " Waiting and Resting " ( Apologia e - newsletter November 2010 ) . Before I sent in the article I sent it to Charles since it was about him too . His reply was , " Mom don 't stop telling our story . There are lots of little boys out their that need their mommies to not give up on them . " Here 's a short bio on the Carman Kids : Let 's start with the youngest and head up . Benjamin is 7 and he loves drawing . I cannot keep him in sketch pads and sharp pencils . He has a dear heart . Ben has challenged me to be anxious to heaven ; he was to be alive when the trumpet sounds - talk about a life dream ! Joseph is 9 and all things boy especially legos and paper airplanes . He is full of the joy of life much like his older brother Charles . He does everything full - boar . He and Benjamin are best buddies . Elizabeth or Lilly Belle , is simply a dear . She has a shy , but beautiful smile . Lilly is a diligent student who loves to write letters to her pen pals and organize her desk . She also loves to help in the kitchen . Savannah Anne is our oldest daughter and she fills the role nicely . She will be a sophomore this year . Savannah Anne enjoys ' thinking hard and thinking well ' ( taken from the Worldview Academy ) . She is an avid reader who seeks to honor God in all things . ( Having never had a sister it is beautiful to see these sisters interact in the kitchen cooking and in the bathroom fixing each other 's hair . ) Anderson graduated this last May . He was raised outside of the box and is insisting on staying outside the box by taking a starkly non - traditional approach to his post - high school education . He has been gifted with unique talents for animation . His dream job is to work for Pixar as an animator . This fall Anderson will begin an 18 month online certificate program through Animation Mentor . While studying and living at home he will continue working at Chick - fil - a and Apologia . Charles is 20 living in NYC and attending the King 's College . He is studying politics , philosophy , and economics . Charles is a member of the King 's debate team where he puts his natural love of logic and argument to good use . His favorite things to do outside of hang out with his family - his words - is to read and study . Just the thought of fun and relaxation is refreshing . I love to garden - I especially love to weed . There is something therapeutic . There are so many weeds in my life . I pray while I weed . It is generally a lonely job , not many people share my passion for it ! So it is a great time of introspection for me . I also enjoy reading a good book - there are so many to choose from that are inspirational and challenging . Lamplighter has some of my favorites but I also like anything by John Piper or John Mac Author , or Anne Graham Lotts and several others . Exercising is another thing that I do for fun . I would like to become a runner , just a 5k , no aspiration of a marathon here . I do a great deal of power walking , aerobics and weight training . It is a stress reliever for me ; I have always liked to sweat and work hard . I hope you enjoyed getting to know Rachael as much as I have . I also hope that you win this Apologia Live ticket - or a copy of her book " How to Have a H . E . A . R . T . For Your Kids " . I 'm giving away a ticket to any of the four Live conferences of your choice - and two of Rachael 's books - for a total of 3 winners . 1 . Leave a comment telling me about your favorite women 's retreat and what was your favorite thing you did / learned / were encouraged by there . If you haven 't been to one , then tell about what you hope to be encouraged on at the Live Retreat if you should be picked for the ticket . 2 . You can get an extra entry each for following Apologia World on Facebook . . . or following Apologia Live on twitter . You can also get an extra entry for following me on twitter or subbing to my email feed . Each follow / sub is worth ONE extra entry if you include it in a separate comment below ( one comment per entry - total of 4 entries per person ) . GIVE AWAY ENDS September 9th at midnight . Winners chosen by Random . org and notified by email ( leave a valid email address or you will be disqualified ) . If the winner does not respond to claim the ticket / book in 1 week after being notified , I will re - draw . Visit : Jenn at Daze of Adventure for another chance to win this week ! Be on the lookout for more homeschool bloggers over the coming weeks to be offering ticket give - aways , too ! Apologia Live is generously offering 8 different bloggers tickets to give away . Disclaimer : The info here was not financially compensated for . I have gotten 2 books by Rachael Carman to review and will be getting a ticket to the Live conference in Austin in October . All opinions expressed herein are mine . Don 't take my word for it - hop over to their site and register - attend a retreat for yourself to find out how wonderful they are ! Thank you for this encouraging interview ! I had much the same experience , and still have , with my first - born , strong - willed child - my attitude is his attitude ! I have only been on 1 women 's retreat , and it was so amazing to get into the word so intensely and have my desire for it kindled more and more . I have been hoping to make it to a conference since I first received the Apologia catalogue over a year ago ! I am also intrigued by her book and would love to win it : 0 ) Wonderful interview ! This is my 1st year homeschooling my 7 yr old special needs child - extremely excited , a little nervous ! I haven 't been to a retreat , but will attend the one in Austin . I 'll be looking for encouragement as a newbie and look forward to meeting you there , Heather . You can reach me @ dj . faul @ att . net I go on my churches women 's retreat every year . I think the fellowship is what I have most benefited from . I am the type to keep to myself and my family . I don 't open up to others often , and at the retreat I am able to open up to great women and build strong friendships . It would be great to experience thtat with a new group of women . I have never been to a women 's retreat , but I would hope to be encouraged in loving my husband and children in the unique way they need . I was not brought up with a Christian worldview and have been learning the hard way , I suppose . But my desire is to glorify God by loving and supporting my family . I don 't want my children to have the childhood I did . I want them to grow up confident in Christ ! A little help from those who have been on the same journey of homeschooling as a calling would be wonderful ! Hi there , I have never been on a retreat , though I 've friend who have and just rave about it . I would hope to get practical tips on making my day go smoother , but mostly feel a connection with more moms that are on this journey of homeschooling . jenna _ 2317 ( at ) yahoo ( dot ) com . Blessings , Jen What a great interview . I am so happy I got to meet Rachel this past Saturday . I have never been to a retreat but really want to attend the one coming up in Atlant in March . I need support and encouragement and hope that is something I could walk away with . I wanted to go to their retreat in Baltimore last year , but didn 't want to drive there alone . I mentioned it on the homeschool support group yahoo group , but I 'm new here in PA , and I didn 't even get one response . So maybe I 'll win a ticket and have all the more incentive to go even if I have to go by myself ! I 've been to a few retreats and I keep going back because of the fellowship ! ! There 's nothing better than relaxed , kid - free time with other women to refresh the body and the spirit ! ! Hope to be able to go to one of Apologia 's ! ! My favorite women 's retreat was the True Woman Conference I attended last year . It was awesome . I was left encouraged to be a better wife and mom ! ! ! mom2calebandnathan @ gmail . com Awesome interview ! My favorite women 's retreat was the one held by the ladies of our church for the ladies of our church . It was a nice little intimate 3 day retreat with approx . 20 ladies of all ages from our church . Loved getting to know the ladies and all of us growing closer together to God . Would love to win the Apologia Live retreat in Atlanta ! I haven 't been able to do a women 's retreat , however two times that I really loved were when I was able to attend two gatherings that a moms message board I belong to had . It was fabulous to meet women I had been chatting with for years and to share our faith and to just " chill " with them . I can 't make it to any of the Apologia Live events , but I would love to win one of the books . Wow ! This is just what I needed to read as I patiently wait for my overtired 18 month old to , please , fall asleep for a little nap . I want to attend the Apologia Live Retreat to grow closer to God and find friendship and prayer partners to help support me and my family through our homeschool journey . Thank you for sharing , and I cannot wait to learn more about Charles ! I think Teddy may have a lot in common with him . I have never been to a retreat , but I sure would like to go ! I loved your article with Rachael Carman and can relate to God changing a stubborn heart ! I am a military wife and mama to five amazing girls and I could not love it without seeing it all with His eyes and not my own ! The last women 's retreat I attended was right before I became pregnant with my daughter . My husband and I had been struggling with infertility and during one of the worship songs , I just gave it all to God and asked that " His will be done . " It was so freeing to have that burden lifted off my shoulders ! ! we love our apologia curriculum . My all time favorite conference is being with Sally Clarkson every year in Dallas . I love how refreshed I leave and empowered to speak truth into my children ! What a great interview ! I have never been to a women 's retreat , but would hope to be encouraged on beginning this journey , as we have three little ones at home and aren 't doing much formal school yet . We are blessed to know several families who are homeschooling , and though our little ones are not quite school - aged yet , it is , like Rachael said , one of the non - negotiable 's for our family . I 'd love to be encouraged by others who are passionate about this for their families as well ! A homeschooling moms retreat sounds heavenly ! The Austin conference would be closest to me and I 'd love to be able to go ! I 've never been to a retreat like that but I have been to smaller church retreats - they always leave me feeling so refreshed and filled with the Spirit ! It 's such a great time ! : ) The last two conferences I went to were with a newborn in tow ! But they were just general church women 's conferences , not homeschool mom conferences , so I think the main thing I got was a closer relationship with the women at my church . I would LOVE to attend a homeschool / mom conference ! ( ( dreaming . . . ) ) Thanks ! What a great interview ! I 'll be rereading it as soon as I 'm through commenting . I went to a women 's conference several years ago that I still remember fondly , because my mom and my grandma were both there with me . My mom has since passed away and my grandma is in ill health and in a nursing home . One of the really fun things that happened is that my grandma won a prize for being married the longest and I won for having the most kids . LOL I have been to a few retreats , but I can honestly say , the music at the retreats is what amazes me . It is so great to hear all the women singing their praises to our God . Amazing ! karhostetter @ verizon . net This was a great read ! I loved your story and was so inspired . I 'm so glad a friend of mine posted a link to it as she must have known I need to read this on this particular morning ! I 've only been to one women 's retreat and it was Women Of Faith 6 years ago when my daughter was just an infant . It was invigorating and I 'm so excited to be going again in the fall . I strayed off the path for awhile but I 'm back and stronger in my faith for it . I loved the last Apologia conference / retreat ! My favorite part was the double dose of Rachael Carman that we got , since she filled in for another speaker who was absent . I was so encouraged and really enjoyed her speaking style . And I 'm not just saying that . A few months later , I was invited to speak at a women 's event and totally tried to " channel Rachael Carman . " So , I guess she 's unknowingly been a speaking mentor to me . Can 't wait to go again this year ! Loved the interview . My daughter was in Christian school until eighth grade and we started homeschooling this year . Have not homeschooled since she was in kindergarten ! I would like to be encouraged that I CAN do high school and that my daughter will make it to college ! I just stumbled onto the Apologia Live conferences today . I 'm only 3 days into our homeschooling journey and already needing some encouragement . That the conference is in Austin ( only an hour from me in San Antonio ) is definitely a sign from God . I can 't wait ! I just returned from a Women of Faith retreat a few weeks ago with some women from our church . I thoroughly enjoyed . I would love to go to a retreat for homeschool moms ! I could really use the encouragement , as homeschooling in our small community isn 't smiled upon . I have never been to a live conference , but if I could go , I would hope to just be encouraged . So often I forget to strengthen my own relationship with the Lord over filling the many needs a mother of many small children has ~ I feel like I never have rest . So I would hope for rest , and encouragement . Heather E . saddlebrookchristianacademy ( at ) yahoo ( dot ) com I haven 't been to a woman 's retreat that I 've had a positive experience at . I 've been to one but it left me very hurt . Anyway , I 'd love to go to Apologia Live and get some rest and refreshment from the Lord to continue on in this homeschooling journey . MomomimicMees - AleesConceiveEasyFree Mobile Website TemplatesGas BuddyOrganizing JunkieSex Offenders in Your Area ? Chris ' ASCII Art CollectionUSA Atomic Clock ( Time ) Looking for my homeschool links and resources ? Click the resources button ( the question mark with a little bee in the other side - bar ) . I have a ton of homeschool and home management links there ! I use Homeschool Tracker for all my homeschool record keeping . You can try the free version , but I much prefer the plus version - which has a lot more options and a cool Amazon auto - fill ISBN gizmo that makes recording books a breeze . Read my full review of HST ! The below buttons are links to some posts and places of mine that I think you 'll enjoy . If you have any questions , just click the ' contact ' button at the top of this blog . 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Today , I 'm thankful for family and extended family and the relationships within both . One meal , many beliefs , yet we get along and have a good time . ( The football game with the nieces and nephews has caused a little , well , a lot of soreness , but oh , the fun . ) Today , I am thankful for all the people of " my past . " The youth leaders , the Sunday School teachers , the coaches , the teachers . All of those that believed in me and gave me the confidence to be me and strive for the highest . I had a tremendous support network , and as I consider re - entering public education , I pray I will also be that support to some student who needs it . I am thankful for social networking sites like facebook . I know that sound cheesy , and flies in the face of all who say face to face friendships are " better , " but let me explain . I am basically a very shy person , and am very uncomfortable talking to someone just for the sake of talking Silence does not bother me in the least ; I rather enjoy it ( to the point that many times I have " an air " of being snobby or snooty , but that 's really not the case ) . Through the Internet , I have been able to deal with people as I am able . It gives me time to think about a response and then respond . I have been able to re - establish old friendships and keep up with them , even if just peripherally . I have been able to get to know other " real world " people better so that meeting them and talking to them isn 't so big and scary to me . AND , I have a whole group of friends that I have never met , and really aren 't more than a few pixels on a monitor , but yet , they are real in their own way . And in these ways , my life has been enhanced and bettered . Today , I am thankful for music . I have always loved music , and though I 'm not all that great , I guess by virtue of being a music major in college I know a bit more than the average Joe . But it is not the academic side of music that appeals to me . While there was one point in my life where I could spout off music " facts " about just about anything , nowdays , I have to think about it before I give an answer . But , the one thing that still sticks with me is the emotion behind it . It sets the tone ; it heals the soul . Without words , it speaks to our hearts . Bach gave us God 's word , Beethoven gave us God 's fire , Mozart gave us God 's laughter . God gave us music that we might pray without words . Today , I am thankful for the little people in my life . Not just my two kiddos ( definitely those , but not * just * those ) , but others that I get to be around . Last Spring , I coached some of the absolutely cutest kids on the face of the Earth in peewee baseball . I don 't know how much about the sport they learned , but we had a good time . Now , I am helping coach the Princess 's basketball team . THAT is a hoot . 14 girls - - 6 , 7 , and 8 years old ( 10 of them have never been on a basketball team before ) and it is just so much fun to be around them . I have a feeling that when the season ends in February , I 'm going to have 14 favorite little girls . Today I am thankful for my coworkers . We are a motley bunch - different beliefs , philosophies and life - styles , but generally , a good bunch . My supervisors have always been supportive of me and my peers treat me with respect . I am truly greatful that I have a positive work environment . In January , 2000 , I had the privilege to travel with a group to Moscow . While on the trip , we visited hospitals , schools , and orphanages / boarding schools . I remember well standing in the lobby of one of the hospitals talking to the patients on the geriatric ward . As the group leader got to discussing Christ and his love , a couple of men left and some of the women looked absolutely terrified while looking up and down the hall . Unsure what was happening , we stopped and just asked if everything was okay . One lady explained that they grew up under communism , and the way were talking could have gotten all of us arrested . Though they were no longer communist , they still couldn 't believe they were free . So , for day 13 , I am thankful that I am free to worship , and beyond that , I am FREE in Christ . Today is a day we set aside to remember those who have given of their time , and even life , to protect our country . If I started making a list , I am afraid I would miss someone , because there are many young men and women that I want to say " Thank you " to . However , there are a few that stick in my mind today . Papaw Shuford - - WWII veteran . My FIL , Randall Shuford - VietnamThanks you , gentlemen , not only for your service , but for the heritage you have established for my children . And one that is near and dear to my heart - - my former student Stephen Hall who is currently deployed . But , then , my mind goes back over the years , and I remember standing in the cemetery trumpet in hand , waiting for the salute . Some of the families I knew well - - the father of a college friend ; the grandfather of a lifelong friend , but others were complete strangers - - the 19 year old that died for his country in active duty . But one thing united them all - - the pain on their face of losing their loved one , for the briefest of moments when the flag was handed to them , evaporated and became something else - - they were comforted with the knowledge and pride that their loved one had done something that mattered . So today , I say , " Thank you ! " However you served , wherever you served , THANK YOU ! Today 's thankfulness is short and sweet . I am thankful that my kids have clothes . Lots of clothes . So many that even when we bag up several bags full to sell or give away , they are not lacking and do not miss anything . Furthermore , we are blessed in that we have bought very little for our children . My mom works at a larger clothing department store and gets phenomenal discounts which she uses to buy their clothes for Christmas and birthdays . So , not only do they have clothes , they have nice clothes , cheap . : ) Today , I am thankful that I enjoy reading and writing . There are times when life simply gets to be so " much " that to sit down and put it on paper ( or on a screen as is more often the case nowdays ) is almost cathartic . Even moreso , I am thankful that at least one of my kids LOVES to read ( the other one will get there . eventually . maybe ) . One is a natural story teller , so when she figures out the whole writing thing , I think she may enjoy that , and be good at it . Today is difficult . Not because I don 't have things to be thankful for , I have many , but because my heart is heavy . Trav 's teacher is facing a fairly significant surgery and will be out for several weeks . In addition to my concern about her and her family , there is also the pain of watching my little boy 's anxiety of worrying about his beloved teacher and wondering how he will get along with the substitute . On top of that , I am making some fairly weighty decisions concerning my " career " and Kristi 's education . On top of that , I am dealing with some disappointments in things not working the way I want and the feeling of rejection that comes with it . I think , then , for these things I will be thankful . For when I am carrying a heavy load , there is Someone beside me who will carry me . When I am anxious , He will hold me and remind me that it is going to be alright . When I am worried about the future , He reminds me that He is * holding * the future . So , today , I am thankful that " HE IS ! " Today , I am thankful I am a parent . Not only because I love my kids dearly , but because they have taught me so much about the Heavenly Father and His love for me . When I looked at and held Travis for the first time , I was overwhelmed at how much I loved him , and how suddenly he had a grip on my heart . Three years later , when I looked at Kristiana the first time , I had that same feeling and was in awe at how I really could love two as much as I loved one . And to think , God feels the same way about me . . . . As my children grew and developed , my sense of pride in their accomplishments was unparalleled . I rejoiced in each new step , and at the same time enjoyed encouraging them to do the best they could be . And to think , God feels the same way about me . . . There are times when I watch them sleep at night , peaceful and still , and I think of their future and what I hope and dream for them , and my heart fills once again with the love and thankfulness that they are in my life . And to think , God feels the same way about me . . . There are those moments ( that are becoming more rare as my kids become older ) when they come and climb up in my lap and say , " I love you Mama ; you are the best in the world , " that make me all warm and fuzzy inside and at those moments , I know I would do absolutely ANYTHING to make my children 's worlds right . And to think , God feels the same way about me . . . When something happens that is out of their control and they are upset or sad , I feel upset and sad . I want to take them in my arms and make them feel okay again . If someone hurts them , I feel that hurt . If something makes them mad , I get mad . When they are disappointed or let down , I feel disappointed or let down . I , literally it seems , feel their pain . And to think , God feels the same way about me . . . Then there are those times when the kids know my last button and are jumping up and down on it pushing me past * that * point . I put aside my " mother " face and in its place grows frenzied hair , red eyes , smoky ears , jagged teeth and I lose each and every Posted by Today , I am thankful for employment and choices and choices IN employment . Each week , it seems that I have at least one lady or gentleman who is late 40s , early 50s , just laid off from a job they have worked for over 20 years , and they are having to get their GED just to find a job . I can choose to work or not , part - time or full - time , teach or assist . The choices ( and subsequent changes ) are daunting , but I am thankful I have that choice . Today , I am thankful for my grandmothers and the Godly heritage they gave me . Lela Kilby Mull " Mom " was a prayer warrior and fantastic cook . Mattie Lucille Valentine " Mimaw " was a dear woman to me . Also a good cook ( I wonder if my current physical shape was as impressed by them as my spiritual ? ) , I remember her being there for me when life knocked me down . Neither grandmother was financially well off , so they didn 't give me money , or leave me an estate . But , what they did give me was longer lasting and far more valuable . From them , I learned to call upon the Lord , to love unconditionally , and to trust in the Lord . For that , I am thankful . ( The picture above is my grandmother Mattie Valentine , taken around July , 1970 . I am sitting on the right and my cousin Danette is sitting on the left . Standing ( l to r ) is my sister Kelly , my cousin Scotty , my cousin David , my brother Kevin , my cousin Dale and my cousin Shannon ) . Today , I am thankful to live where I live . I currently reside about 14 miles from the house I grew up in . I have only had two addresses in my entire life . I guess for some , that would be boring , and perhaps it is , but I prefer to see it as stable . : PIt is a small , rural town and while we don 't have some of the " experiences " that bigger cities can offer , the peace and tranquility that exists is a fair trade , I think . Even though I went to Tuscola ( one side of the county ) and now live on the Pisgah side , I usually see someone I know whenever I am out in town . At the Bethel Mall ( aka Dollar General ) , I have yet to go in and NOT see someone I know . To me , it is comforting to know that there will be a familiar , and usually friendly , face just around the corner . I like knowing my kids ' friends ' parents and even grandparents . I like that my kids go to school with several of their cousins . I like that when my son or daughter is invited to a birthday party , it is okay if the other one tags along ( kristi knows Trav 's friends as well as he does , I think ) . Good or bad , I like that our family has a " history " here . Wow . I started several times today to write this post , and kept putting off . Now , I 've made it extra challenging because , to be honest , I 'm a bit mad about a situation , and hurt and bewildered . However , it just reminds me that God does not deserve our praise and thanksgiving just when we are all warm and fuzzy inside . I 'm also reminded that for the past two weeks , I have been teaching my Sunday School class about Romans 8 : 28 . Now , I 'm having a chance to apply it , painful as it may be . I am thankful that all things will work for good , even when I can 't see the good . I 'm thankful that my Lord , and Savior , has a plan , He knows the plan , and that plan is good for me . These bumps in the road are simply reminders to trust Him and what his plan is for me . I 'm also reminded that in the big picture , the bumps are small . Mere blips even . I 'm upset and frustrated over a trivial matter that in a few years ( months , weeks , or even days ) will be irrelevant , while people I know are living their final days on Earth in pain , struggling with a recent cancer diagnosis , worrying over a wayward child , wondering how they are going to feed their family , or have just found out they will no longer have a job in 2 weeks . God knows what I need , when I need it , even if it is not what I think I need . Being thankful is humbling . Sometimes , it is the difficult moments in life that bring us to our knees and help us to realize what we 've got , and what we 've not . Before 1999 , I loved my family . After 1999 , I realized that I probably wouldn 't make it without them . When my dad had a massive heart attack and ended up in a semi - comatose / chronic vegetative state , Mom wanted to bring him home and take care of him instead of letting him go to a nursing home . In the next 2 and a half years , we had to make the conscious decision to get along and work together . I learned that when you * decide * to do that , doing it becomes a lot easier . So , today , I am thankful for my brothers and sisters . Kevin - - My big brother . Admittedly , there were times in my life where I could only wonder " what ARE you doing ? " but as far back as I can remember , he was always the best big brother ever . Well , except for when he did those airplane spins , and flipped his eyelids inside out and chased me through the house . After Daddy got sick , he kinda became the head of our family . To this day , he is the one that will listen to gripe , complain , scream and complain , then look at me and say , " It 's okay . It will all work out , now calm down . " He 's probably the ONLY person that can tell me to calm down without getting his head knocked off . Jenny - - Not my sister by birth , but the absolutely coolest sister - in - law anyone could ever want . Jenny brings an element of sweetness and kindness into our family that none of us have . Kelly - - My big sister . Growing up , my tormentor and guardian all rolled into one . She picked on me , ignored me , and forbid me to go into her room , but let someone else say something to me , and she was all over them . As adults , we aggravate her about being a control freak , but if you EVER want to see a nice spread , go to her house for dinner sometime . I wish I could be half the hostess she is . Kelly always comes through when you need her to . Stevie - - Not my brother , but he 's been around since I was young , so he 's just kinda always been there . He doesn 't say much , and he has Posted by I see several of my friends on facebook posting one thing each day they are thankful for . I thought that was a splendid idea , and decided to play along . Only one teeny tiny problem . I could not come up with ONE thing I was thankful for for the day . I would thank of one , then another , then another , then another . Within minutes , I had a fairly long list of things . It was kinda like taking a kid in a toy or candy store and offering to buy them ANYTHING they wanted , but only one thing . If you 've never done this , try it . I would wager MOST kids will take FOREVER choosing because they will keep changing their mind . So , I am not limiting myself to one a day . I do , however , want to post everyday with what I am thankful for THAT day . And why . * I am thankful that my son got the teacher he did for his first year of " real " school . She truly loves the children , is a woman of God , and has been a blessing to him ( and me ) during this HUGE transition . * My health and my families ' health . My kids are healthy . We battle the occasional tummy ache or snuffy nose , but that is it . My husband is still alive and kicking . Based on what we learned in 2007 about his heart defect , this is a miracle . The " problems " I may have are NOTHING compared to what some of my friends are going through . * I have a house that keeps me warm , cool , and dry . And it is a nice house . * God is in control of what is going on , and I don 't have to worry about the future . Honestly , I wasn 't sure what to expect upon reading this book . Other descriptions / reviews inferred that it was a book of short stories , but I think vignettes would be a better term as they weren 't exactly " stories " but just snippets of the authors ' lives . Sometimes I felt that one author said , " Hey , this happened to me one time . Did it ever happen to you ? " The second one said , " Yea , it did . Great , let 's write about it and put it together in a chapter . " And so on . And so on . And so on . Now , that is not necessarily a bad thing , but it did get a little tedious and felt more " back and forth " than progressive . I kept wanting it to tie together in a " big picture " kind of way , and it kept disappointing me . What it DOES do well , though , is give an interesting insight into how a typical Amish woman might react / feel in a given situation , and it does show that despite tremendous philosophical / religious differences between the Amish and non - Amish , there are many things that are very similar , if not exactly the same . Overall , it is not a bad book , though I can 't bring myself to pick it up to read again and again . I imagine some will really like it , though . ( I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review ) I am fascinated with the story of the Titanic , and I am a musician ( or former one ) so I thought this book would be a neat twist . Also , very little is written on this topic , so I was looking forward to learning some new information . I did learn , within just a few pages , that I had never heard much about this aspect of the Titanic because not much is written . In that respect , the author is to be commending on his obvious extensive , and time consuming , research . I was left with the impression that he had to do some serious digging to get the tiny morsels and tidbits that he was able to find . However , for me , it didn 't make a very fluid reading for me . I felt like I was being given tiny facts , and that the author was filling in with speculation to fill up the book . At times , I wondered if the publisher had established a minimum length and the author was simply trying to fill it up . And then , at the very end , the author began a discussion of a possible violin that had been recovered and how the value of it would be increased substantially with the 100 year anniversary of the sinking . For me , I was also left with the feeling that perhaps that is why this book was also released at this time - - to cash in on a significant date . Overall , it was fairly easy reading and was somewhat interesting . I did learn some new things , and the book isn 't all that bad - - especially for the Titanic enthusiasts . Disclosure of Material Connection : I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze ® . com book review bloggers program . I was not required to write a positive review . The opinions I have expressed are my own . I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission 's 16 CFR , Part 255 : " Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising . " I don 't know if you read my husband 's blog or not , but if you don 't , you need to . Well , one post in particular . : ) Good Things at the Baseball Game My son has been involved in baseball now for 3 years . This year , all four of us jumped into the fray that is Little League - - the son and daughter are playing , I 'm coaching , and Bernard is serving on the local board . I 'm not sure if it is because of our hyper - involvement , or what it may be , but I have had the opportunity to see many different people react in many different ways - - some positive , and some , well , frankly , no so positive . It has caused me to think quite a bit about how we as Christians are perceived by the " world " and how we perceive the " world . " Our Christianity should not end at the church door when we leave . There are very few that will argue that point . VERY few . Our Christianity should go with us into every daily activity , no matter how exciting or how mundane . Again , I seriously doubt I would get many arguments for that . If a man ( or woman , depending on denomination ) has been called to a visible church role , s / he should be prepared to be especially sensitive to those around them . They are put on a pedestal ( whether wrongly or rightly is irrelevant at this junction ) . If that person is involved in youth sports of any kind , that mantle MUST go with them . It simply cannot be left in the car with yesterday 's Gatorade . ( I 'm going to pause here and simply say that if anyone has watched me for any length of time , you know very well I have a hard time practicing what I am " preaching " here . I cannot count the times I have had to apologize for my words or actions , and to ask forgiveness for those involved . ) In one instance , a church leader was more than willing to " raise a stink " about another coach ( incidentally , another Christian ) , one ( or more ) of the board members and one of the policies of our local organization . Despite efforts to bridge the gap of misunderstanding in this instance , the church leader became stand - offish and condescending to those involved . No humility AT ALL was ever exhibited in the situation . To quote one parent , " And he is a church [ leader ] . I wouldn 't want to go to his church . " All iPosted by This book is destined to become a classic . Well , maybe not a classic in the sense that Charles Dickens or William Shakespeare are considered classics , but it * is * timeless . I remember reading it in 3rd or 4th grade and being greatly amused , and admittedly a bit grossed out . Those memories spurred me to have my son , a 9 year - old 3rd grader , read this book this year . He seemed to enjoy parts of it as I would hear him chuckling as he read . He finished reading it yesterday , so below are some pictures of the " special " lunch I fixed for him and his sister . In the Spring of 2010 , around the first or second week of All - Star baseball practice , there was banter about the team , and how much they had improved , etc . The head coach , Josh Mease , said something about the State Championship , and though all heard it , most did not consider it a reality , or frankly , even a possibility . About 6 weeks later , not only was it a possibility , with a walk off homerun by Kameron Walker , it became a reality . 4 days later , 7 members of the team showed up for football camp at Bethel Middle School 's field . Because of his age , Kameron would leave his baseball buddies and join the older football team , the Mites . 6 of them , though - - Keegan Hudson , Gatlin Blanton , Travis Shuford , Brooks Valentine , Hunter Cseledy and Lane Mease would join forces and under the leadership of Johnny James and his most excellent coaching staff , absolutely roll over every one in the division . They became WNC Youth Football and Cheerleading 's Association 's Western Division Champions . One week after a narrow Superbowl loss , 4 of the boys , Cseledy , Hudson , Valentine , and Shuford traded the cleats for high tops and the pigskin for a roundball . They reunited with three other baseball teammates Sawyer Trull , Jacob Moore , and Daniel Worley . Together , they charged through the winter , and found themselves as WNC Youth Basketball 's Eastern Division regular season champions . Three championships in one year . A year many athletes can dream of . What will the future hold for these young men ? As one young man put it , " Do it again ! Except take Association championships instead of just divisions ! " Be ready coaches ; here they come ! I got this book and read it and I really wish I could give it rave reviews and talk about how wonderful it is . Unfortunately ( I guess for me ) , I can 't . From the opening paragraphs , I could not shake the feeling that I was reading an infomercial . I could just imagine the host giving the spiel as I watched couple after couple parade across the stage and proclaim , " This is what it did for us , Rich ! " The " celebrities " interviewed gave me a feeling of " read this book because of these names " - - or " name - dropping . " I much more enjoyed the " real " people 's testimonies as I could relate to them better . Supposedly , they also have the research with which to back up their claims . Of course , one of their studies has only been done once , so it doesn 't have the benefit of being tested or tried . At best , the results can be taken lightly . Is praying together important ? Yes , definitely . Is it something that couples need to be aware ? Very much so . And , perhaps , that is where the disappointment of this book lies for me . It is a crucial topic that has a world of potential , and yet , I came away from it going , " Okay , so if we pray together for 40 days we will never fight , we will understand each other thoroughly , and we will have mind - blowing sex . " Actually , a lot of the time , I got the impression that the first two were optional and the real reason to pray together was to have better sex . ? ? ? ? Seriously ? Again , I do not disagree that couples need to pray together . And frankly , I can think of few things more important than that , but this book 's delivery in that message left me feeling cold . I suppose I * might * recommend this book to a couple who was not very mature in their faith , but I would be hesitant to suggest it to a couple who was having serious problems . I am afraid the simplistic approach to what could be years of problems could prove to be a fatal let down for the couple . + + + + + + Disclosure of Material Connection : I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze ® . com book review bloggers program . I was not requirPosted by A young friend saw the book on my shelf and asked me about it . Because he is an avid reader , and we have " swapped " books several times , and he is , indeed the one who introduced me to " fantasy " books , I described it to him as " CS Lewis meets Christopher Paolini . " The story , an classically allegorical with a good vs . evil theme , takes place in a land that seems to be far away , in the distance past . The characters must use discernment , wisdom and magic to keep the dragon eggs safe , keep the statues out of the wrong hands , and stay alive . It is an easy read in that it flows well , the characters are developed well , and the action , while a bit draggy in places , is enough to keep the reader interested . This is a latter book of a series , and I am thinking it may have been a bit more understandable had I read the first one before this . I had read some of Danita Paul 's work , so I was familiar with a few of the characters . Some of my initial lack of understanding may have been because I was trying to make " Dragons in the Valley " a sequel to the one I had read , but it is does not seem directly related . I would highly recommend this book to any middle school or high school student who enjoys reading and enjoys reading fantasy . Likewise , any adult that appreciates the genre will probably like it as well . Find this book at amazon . com - - Dragons of the ValleyOr the Waterbrook Multinomah page + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review It 's not often that I venture to create supper without a recipe , and even more rare is when it is edible . That said , I think I hit upon something tonight . 3 - 4 large chicken breasts , cubed1 can Campbell 's condensed cream of chicken soup1 / 4 cup milk1 / 4 cup sour cream1 / 2 ( and some ) cup cheddar cheesedash of Worcestershire sauce2 tbs dijon mustard1 / 8 cup diced onion and celery2 tbs butter1 Stove Top microwavable " Quick Cup " In a skillet , cook the chicken until white , or slightly browned . Put in a greased 8x8 glass baking dish . After chicken is cooked , add butter and saute onions and celery until tender . In a bowl , mix soup , milk , sour cream , cheese , worcestershire , mustard , celery and onions . Mix until blended . Pour over chicken cubes . Prepare " quick cup " as directed and spoon over chicken and soup mixture . Bake for 15 - 20 minutes at 375 . Remove and sprinkle with remaining cheese ( the plus some ) and bake until cheese is melted . Future possibilities - - add bacon . ( everything is better with bacon ) or ham . This is a true classic by a true man of God . In a world where authors seem to " hit or miss , " Billy Graham stays right on target . Whether it is one of his early books , or a more recent one , they all seem to rise to standard that few evangelists seem able to aspire to . Because this is a devotional , I obviously did not read the whole thing before writing the review . However , I will be reading it daily for the foreseeable future . It is simple to read , and easy to understand , yet with a few minutes of prayer and meditation , it can take the reader so much deeper than that . I 'm not a huge fan of " devotional " type of books , but this one I have enjoyed - - years ago as a young college student , and again now as it is being reprinted . This book is good for any Christian wanting a closer walk with God , and it makes an excellent gift as well . Disclosure of Material Connection : I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze . com book review bloggers program . I was not required to write a positive review . The opinions I have expressed are my own . I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission 's 16 CFR , Part 255 : " Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising . "
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About a year ago I kept seeing the same challenge pop up on multiple blogs I read . That challenge was to take the artists you listen to most often off your iPod and go a month without them . With those artists missing , you 're more likely to uncover something you haven 't heard in a long time . I ignored that challenge , mostly because I was working my way through my entire iTunes library , making sure that I 'd listened to each song in my library at least two times since uploading them all to iTunes . I made it through that challenge many months ago and now I think it 's time I take this one on . According to last . fm , the fifteen artists I 've listened to the most are as follows : Most of these artists have substantial catalogs and that 's why they 're my most listened to artists . I just unchecked all fifteen artists and synced my iPod . I 've got an 80 gig model and just by unchecking those artists , I managed to free up 9 . 5 gigs of space . I 'm a little surprised those 15 artists took up that much space . Here 's to a month ( and a day ) of listening to other stuff . Today I did something I 'd never done before . I went cemetery hopping . Ken and I got in the car this afternoon and searched out three cemeteries to do some research . A few months ago , he signed up for ancestry . com to do some research on his ( and my ) family tree . While learning the site and finding his way around , he found that you can sign up to do grave searches in your area for people also trying to find out their family histories . The weather has finally shown signs of being agreeable , so this morning he printed off a list of people who are being searched out , the cemeteries they are believed to be buried in and directions to the cemeteries and off we went . All told , we had a list of about 20 people to search for . Most have been dead since the early 1800s . We actually had some success in locating the headstones of about half the list . A lot of them were extremely weather worn , but not enough that we couldn 't identify them . Ken took pictures to post at the website for the people searching . It was much harder to read some of the headstones in the pictures than it was in person , so hopefully the information will be acceptable for the people looking for their ancestors . I 'm really curious as to how people get the information that an ancestor who has been dead for over 200 years is buried in a specific cemetery . Some of these cemeteries aren 't much bigger than my yard . But it was actually great fun and it was nice to get out of the house and do something different for a change . Tonight , to keep boredom from setting in , I traded the elliptical for the stationary bike at the gym . I still can 't get over how much it kills my legs . There is apparently one set of muscles I don 't really use much of that you need if you want to succeed at the bike . That part of my legs is so sore right now . I know that the more I do the bike , the easier it 's going to get , but right now the bike is not my friend . Sure , we 're on speaking terms , but we are not friends . Tonight was the second time I made it my full 70 minutes and I did about a mile and a half further than the last time . And I sweat . And sweat . For some reason , the bike really makes me sweat a lot . I 'm burning slightly fewer calories than when I 'm on the elliptical , but I get so much sweatier . It seems to me that it would be the other way around . I feel like I 'm moving a whole lot more on the elliptical . On the bike I 'm sitting there , pedaling and playing Scrabble on my phone . Go figure . I got an early anniversary gift from Ken today . The anniversary isn 't for another week and a half , but it arrived today and I 'm basking in it . That gift . . . The Casey Anthony trial . He 's obsessed with it and has been glued to the tv since we got home from work . I 'm going to have months of nothing but peace and quiet while he goes over every second of this trial . My birthday was this week and it came and went just the way I like it . . . uneventful . I really don 't like a big deal to be made about it , though there was a recent birthday that was the exception to the rule . Honestly , it 's slightly more than just another day as far as I 'm concerned . The actual day was Wednesday . I took the day off from work . It wasn 't planned to work out that way , but ended up that way . I was originally going to take last Friday off . I 've been in need of a mental health day in a really big way and that was going to be it . However , Ken was sick and ended up home from work the entire week . He went into work on Thursday and couldn 't make it the whole day , so I figured he wasn 't going to go in Friday . I was right . Since my birthday was a few days later , I decided to do that instead . As much as I love a three day weekend , taking a day off right in the middle of the week certainly does break the week up nicely . I wish I could do that every week . I told Ken Tuesday night that I wasn 't working Wednesday and I told him flat out that there were rules . The major one was that I was going to take myself out for lunch and he was forbidden from calling me . The last two times I took a day off and went out for a quiet lunch , he managed to call just as I was sitting down to eat . And wouldn 't get off the phone . I was looking forward to just having a little peace and quiet both those days and he took that away from me . Talking to him later that night , he said that not calling me that day was the hardest thing for him to do . And I believe it . But he didn 't call , I had a nice lunch out ( chicken marsala pizza ! ) and it was peaceful . Before lunch , I ran to the mall and treated myself to the new reissue of the Go - Go 's first album . It 's the 30th anniversary edition and it makes me feel really , really old . How can that album be that old ? I let Ken take me out to dinner that night . I was thinking that I wanted the diner , but he mentioned another place that we eat at occasionally and it sounded much better . It 's called Wine N Diner . It 's got diner food with a little twist on it . I saw a tip in FourSquare saying to get the sweet potato tater tots , so I ordered them only to find out they were all out . Instead , we got the deep fried brie . To say it was amazing would be an understatement . For dinner , I got the Mac n ' Cheeseburger . It 's a cheeseburger smothered in mac n ' cheese . I wasn 't sure how I was going to like it , but tried it anyway . It was great . I 'm so getting that again . On the way home , we stopped and got ice cream and made brownie sundaes . All in all , it was a great day . What made it especially nice was the mid - afternoon nap I managed to sneak in . I don 't take enough naps . Today I was looking forward to one , but never found the time . I spent most of the week eating poorly . I don 't know what 's happening in my head , but I find I 've been making a lot of bad food choices and I 've been making them on a much more regular basis than in the recent past . I know that I 'm working my ass off at the gym , but that 's not a good enough reason to be eating like I 've been . I 've somehow lost the balance between an occasional treat and out and out gluttony . I end up feeling full of shame for some of the things I 've eaten , but it 's not enough to dissuade me from doing it the very next meal . I keep a picture of me at my fattest at my desk at work and I think I need to move it to a more prominent place , a place where I will constantly see it . I 'm so scared of becoming fat again . I can 't allow it . I did not work as hard as I did to get healthy just to throw it all away . Last night I slept for shit . I blame the Rapture . Minutes after I got into bed last night , we lost all power . The whole neighborhood did . This was just after 11 . It was warm in the bedroom without the fan on , so I opened the window . Three times I would just nod off when I 'd hear neighbors whooping it up out in the street in front of the house . The rest of the night was spent kind of restless . I kept waking up for no reason at all , all night long . I had the alarm set pretty early to get up for the gym , but ended up hitting snooze for an hour before I pulled myself out of bed . Tonight is going to be a very early night . I 've had a slight pounding headache for the last couple hours . I 'm sure it 's just me being beat . I 've got a book to start and a pillow calling my name . I just broke the 1 , 000 mile mark tonight . One thousand miles since January 1st . Holy shit . I 'm going to celebrate by climbing into bed and passing out . √ I 'm going to clean up my Facebook friends list this week . I have a lot of people who I don 't interact with there . Some I 've never really interacted with on Facebook , some have shunned me but not enough to delete my ass , some have drifted away . I 'm going to enjoy the purge . It 's been a while . √ I 've been in need of a mental health day for a couple of weeks . I was going to take last Friday off for a couple reasons . One , it was supposed to be beautiful out . Two , I love long weekends . Three , last week felt like the longest week ever . I ended up not taking the day off . Ken was out of work all week and being home together is not what I have in mind for my day . Instead I 'm taking Wednesday off . I plan on lounging around the house , maybe going to the gym , taking myself out to lunch and then maybe a nap . Wish me luck . √ Ollie woke me up ten minutes before the alarm was supposed to go off this morning . I tend to find that much more infuriating than if he woke me up an hour beforehand . At least then I could have gone back to bed . √ I do a great job at making little plans to do things , but I do a shitty job in actually getting around to doing them . My time management skills are lacking . The second I hit the computer , I might as well kiss any plans I have goodbye . I need to work on that . √ I 've been putting pictures of my t - shirt collection up on Facebook and I 'm having a ball doing it . Today I posted a picture of my Batwoman shirt . √ I found that I 'm doing fewer and fewer social media things and I like it . I 've got the aforementioned Facebook ( which I still adore ) , I post on Instagram , I have my last . fm profile and I just set up a Grindr profile . I dumped Twitter a year ago and haven 't missed it a bit . It was too much and I was pretty fucking sick of logging in only to read the drama of the day . √ I 'm still not sure how I feel about the new Kate Bush album . I like it , but I don 't love it . And will I still feel the same way in a few months after I 've listened to it a lot more ? √ I just bought some new banana shampoo at the Body Shop and I 'm in love with it . I love how it smells . √ Do you play Words With Friends ? If you do , look me up . I 'm pusspatrell over there . Start a game , but tell me who you are . I think I have about 15 games going right now . I love it . √ I 've got a bunch of plans I want to make for the rest of the spring and this summer . I need to get cracking if I want to get anything done . Ken 's already got our winter plans booked . I read about this 12 of 12 thing on another blog I read and wanted to give it a try . I sat down last night to post my pictures , but blogger was down . Of course . Anyway , I 've copied the rules from another blog and here they are : 3 ) You own the rights to all of your pictures . The idea " 12 of 12 " is mine ( = Chad 's ! ) . While credit is not necessary , please don 't credit someone else with the idea . 4 ) The original concept was at least one body part in the picture . That idea was slowly faded away . The important part is that it are 12 pics . 3 : 45 pm - There 's a vehicle parked at my bus stop . They 're doing all sorts of road work on the street where my office is , but it 's all supposed to be after 5pm . 3 : 50 pm - I got new shoes ! 4 : 30pm - The exterminator came today to fog the attic for bees . The cats had to be taken out of the house for an hour . Ollie took it all in stride . 4 : 30 pm - Lucy not so much . All we did was sit out in the back yard for an hour . I 'm so happy it was beautiful out . One weekend away is enough to derail my normal routines for days after . I feel like I 'm just finally getting back into the groove of my normal life again . My friend George turned 40 and Ken and I were invited to NYC for the weekend for his party . And it was quite a shindig . The party took place at a bar called the Landmark . It was closed for the party on Friday night . And the place was packed . I had no idea George knew as many people as he did . I was a little afraid that I wasn 't going to know anyone there , but it turns out I knew a few people . I knew George 's sisters and a couple people from the cruise we were on last month showed up , too . I don 't normally drink , but since it was a special occasion , I threw caution to the wind . I say I only had 7 or 8 beers , but Ken disagrees . I don 't know who is right nor do I care . I got pretty hammered . I have zero tolerance when it comes to alcohol anymore . I paid a little bit on Saturday , but not too bad . What I 'm still paying for is all the eating I did over the weekend . I managed to gain 7 . 5 lbs . How I have no clue . I 'm down almost half that already and I 'm hoping for a decent drop tomorrow . Tonight at the gym I passed another milestone . I 'm now over 900 miles on towards my goal . Seventy - five percent of the way . I 'm so fucking impressed with myself . Ken managed to catch himself a nasty , nasty cold . Our hosts were just getting over colds when we were in NYC , so it 's likely he picked up a little something from them . He 's feeling so bad that he went to the doctor today . He put him on meds and I hope it helps . If there 's anything worse than being sick , it 's me having to deal with a sick Ken . I am the world 's worst nursemaid . I 've said it before and I 'll say it again . I suck at it . And he demands being babied . Kill me now ! ! ! ! ! I can 't believe it 's almost my birthday . Next week . Yikes . I 'm getting older and older and I don 't like it . Why can 't I be 28 eternally ? I 'm getting to the point where I need to do some major trimming of my social networking sites , Facebook especially . I keep reading all this annoying shit being sputtered by people on my friends list and it just makes me want to delete the whole damn thing . And I have a lot of people who I 've friended to keep in touch with but we 're in no more touch now than before we were FB friends . Why bother ? It 's springtime , it 's time for a little bit of spring cleaning . I thought I got a really decent night of sleep last night . I realized that even if I did , it didn 't help once I got to work this morning . It hit me in the face not long after arriving . I was hit with a big wave of tired . Not the way I wanted to start off my week , but I got through unscathed . I want to hit the sack relatively early tonight . Let 's hope I don 't get sucked into surfing Wikipedia page after Wikipedia page again tonight . The last couple weeks my sciatic nerve has been acting up . Not bad , but it 's been reminding me it 's there . I was trying to figure out why it 's acting up all of a sudden . I wasn 't really aware of doing anything to set it off . Then I remembered vacation last month . I was 190 lbs when I left for the cruise . The night I got home , a week later , I was 204 or 205 . Over the course of the week I got home , I managed to drop back down to my pre - cruise weight and the next week I managed to get all the way down to 186 . The weight came off maybe a little too quickly and I 'm sure that some of what I lost came from the area insulating the nerve . Every time I 've taken off just a little too much weight , that 's where it 's come from . Luckily the nerve is almost completely back in hibernation ( knock on wood ) and is barely noticeable again . Here 's hoping it stays that way .
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Happy New Year ! ! ! ! With the New Year looming before us ( just about 5 hours , 20 minutes from now ) , I 've been giving more thought to my resolutions . I 've got the Knitting ones & the Real - Life ones this year . . . This upcoming year will be FULL of NEW BEGINNINGS for our family ( New Baby , Ty 's first day of kindergarten , etc . ) . . . Why not get the ball rolling now ? So , here they are . . . . My New Year 's Resolutions for 2008 : KNITTING RESOLUTIONS : I WILL give a good attempt at doing color work . I WILL knit myself a sweater that actually fits me . I WILL knit lots & lots of items for both of my boys . I WILL begin my Christmas knits in April . I WILL spend a little time spinning every week . I WILL update my blog at least one time every week . REAL - LIFE RESOLUTIONS : I WILL read my Bible every day . I WILL keep my house clean ( er ) & more organized . I WILL keep my business / work space organized . I WILL get this pregnancy weight off by Christmas . I WILL embrace change and new experiences . I WILL contribute to my retirement more consistently . Well , there you have it . There are my New Year 's Resolutions for 2008 . They are already printed on Post - it 's and stuck all over my house . I hope that you have / had a Happy and VERY Safe New Year 's Celebration . . . I 'll see you in 2008 ! I don 't have any photos today . I am just popping in while Matt is on a lumber - run to Lowe 's . We are in full Christmas swing around here . . . The house is buzzing with excitement . Here 's a little bit of what 's going on : We are spending most of the day working in the basement . . . again . We still have five walls to build & install , and that is what we will be doing most of our time this weekend and next week ( when Matt & I are both off work ) . We are taking some time out for the Christmas festivities , though . Ty will be sleeping over at my dad 's tonight while Matt & I go to an Ugly Sweater Party . I will DEFINITELY post photos of this , as I think I may have found the two ugliest holiday sweaters on the planet ! All of the Christmas shopping is done . I still have to wrap everything , but since we ended up buying a good number of gift cards this year , that shouldn 't take long . ( I should mention that I usually HATE giving gift cards . I think it 's a bit of a cop - out . I prefer to carefully think about the person we 're buying for & try to get something they will really love . However , between work , the house , the construction , and being pregnant . . . we had to go the easiest route this year . ) The Christmas cards have been mailed . I have mixed feelings about this as well . . . due to the aforementioned reasons , I bought Christmas cards to mail out this year . I have NEVER done this before . Every year since Matt & I got married ( 10 years ago ) I have made all the Christmas cards - usually it 's anywhere from 50 - 100 of them . . . I didn 't even send them to everyone this year . . . just to family & our closest friends . And I BOUGHT them . Ugh . . . what a Christmas slacker I have become ! The Christmas Knits are NOT done . This is causing me a bit of stress . I still have to sew the handles onto one felted purse and finish one gamma sock . I only have about 3 more inches of foot to knit before doing the toe decreases , and normally I would have no problem getting it done in time . . . except that we are spending today & tomorrow building walls , and we are going to Posted by It snowed here in St . Louis ! It snowed a lot . We haven 't had this much snow in about 7 years ! So , what did we do while the snow was falling Saturday ? We made a snack of birdseed and bread for the birds . . . And Ty & Matt played a little Rock Band on the XBox . . . And I dyed some yarn . I had to hang it in the poorly lit garage to dry , so the colors look a little funny in this photo . ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ And what did we do Sunday . . . after the snow had finished falling ? We had a snowball fight . . . And Matt & Ty did some sledding . . . And we built a snowman ! This snow was a really wet , sticky snow , so it packed together really well ! After all the fun in the sun & snow , we came inside to have some hot chocolate and graham crackers . . . . . . and I finished knitting a Christmas sock . It is the first of the pair , and I 'm freaking out over the fact that I have about 8 days to finish it . The fastest I 've ever knitted a sock was about 15 days , so I 'm really stressing about it . Is Christmas really next week ? Where did the first half of December go ? Speaking of " going , " I should GO & knit on sock # 2 , which was cast on immediately after the first one was completed . We were really busy last weekend . We have to finish the basement in order to make room for our new arrival . My office is currently in the third bedroom , and I really don 't want to have to change poopy diapers in the middle of my desk ! So , we started the process of turning our cold , ugly concrete - walled basement into a warm , cozy family room / office . We started with this : Our basement is a " look out , " so we do have the benefit of two big windows . See ? Lots of cold , ugly concrete . And lots of stuff . The basement wasn 't all that cluttered before , but it became a huge , overwhelming mess when we started moving stuff away from the walls . So , this is what we spent all day Saturday & Sunday last weekend doing : ( That 's my dad . He 's our " site supervisor . " Matt & I have no idea what we 're doing . Luckily , my dad has done lots of building projects , so he 's teaching us how to handle all of this ! ) Even Ty got into the act . Although he 's still too small to use most of the tools , he helped us out by painting a mural on the concrete wall . Unfortunately , his beautiful artwork will be covered up by a wall and gas fireplace , but we documented the whole thing in pictures ! Look at the concentration ! He 's our little Van Gogh ( except that Ty still has both of his ears ! ) After two days of hard work , we had this : We ended up framing out 5 complete walls ( three external & 2 internal ) . We still have about 6 more walls to construct . . . and we 'll probably get to working on those next weekend . This weekend we are drilling holes for wiring , installing outlet boxes , and rearranging some of the stuff so that we can get to the next couple of walls . Oh , and this came yesterday : I bought some yarn to dye . It will be gifted to some of my local knitterly friends . The green skein is one of two that will go to a dear friend who has an unfortunate wool allergy . Unfortunately , my doctor has prohibited me from using the acid dyes I have in the stash box . . . he is concerned about fumes and the baby . So , I 'm limited to using KoolAid this time . I bought about 30 packePosted by Okay , I don 't usually do these , but I saw this one on Zarah 's blog & had to steal it . What can I say ? I 'm a sucker for all things Christmas ! 1 . Wrapping paper or gift bags ? That depends on the gift2 . Real or fake tree ? We have a really skinny , very thin fake tree . I think we paid $ 15 . 00 for it at Walgreens . . . 10 years ago ! 3 . When do you put up the tree ? Uusally the first weekend in December . 4 . When do you take the tree down ? A couple of days after Christmas . 5 . Do you like eggnog ? Nope , but Matt & Ty love it ! 6 . Favorite gift received as a child ? Dance lessons from Santa . 7 . Do you have a nativity scene ? Yes . Unfortuantely , we don 't have a great place to put it , so it usually goes under the tree . After having been out near Ty 's train , it 's a little sad . Jesus was born right next to the train tracks , and currently has 3 derelect ( Matchbox ) cars in his front lawn . 8 . Hardest person to buy for ? My stepmom9 . Easiest person to buy for ? Ty 10 . Worst Christmas gift you ever got ? I can 't think of one right now . . . 11 . Mail or email Christmas cards ? Uusally it 's handmade ( by me ) Christmas cards , but I haven 't even started them yet . . . 12 . Favorite Christmas Movie ? National Lampoon 's Christmas Vacation13 . When do you start shopping for Christmas ? Late summer - early fall14 . Have you ever recycled a Christmas present ? Yes . 15 . Favorite thing to eat at Christmas ? Christmas cookies . . . of all kinds ! 16 . Clear lights or colored on the tree ? Colored . They help to distract from the scrawniness of the tree ! 17 . Favorite Christmas song ? God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen18 . Travel at Christmas or stay home ? Most of the family lives here , so we stay close to home19 . Can you name all of Santa 's reindeers ? Yes , but I have to sing them to get them all in there . 20 . Angel or a star on the tree top ? Angel21 . Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning ? Christmas Eve with my side of the family , Christmas morning / day with the inlaws . 22 . Where are your favorite places to shop ? Well , Target is my all time favorite store . . . 23 . Most annoying thing about thiPosted by I am so excited for Chirstmas this year ! We 've been singing Christmas songs , reading Christmas books , baking Christmas cookies . . . I absolutely LOVE this time of year ! ! ! Last weekend we spent a good deal of time decking our halls . We put up the Christmas tree : Notice that the majority of the ornaments are on the bottom half of the tree ? That 's because Ty was the first to hang all of his ornaments . Matt & I have since hung ours & it is looking a bit more balanced . Ty got a special treat this year . . . his own Christmas tree ! I had one in my room when I was little , and I really wanted him to have one too . We wrapped it in some candy cane garland & he hung a few small ornaments on it . It came pre - lit , which is something I LOVE . We turn it on at night when we read Christmas books & he goes to bed . He loves to look at it while he falls asleep . Did I mention that the dogs did not appreciate all the activity ? Here 's Enos , sulking under Matt 's chair : And here 's Roscoe sulking under Ty 's chair : We took advantage of what will probably be the last nice day of the season , and put up our outdoor decorations too . The outside is pretty simple , just white lights in the bushes , the white globes and the lighted garland . I need to get a new wreath for the front door . . . my big red bow was blown away during one gusty night last year . It was getting pretty cold , and this was the best picture I could get without having to drag out the tripod . Oh , and look ! Even my feet have the Christmas spirit ! ! ! This is one of several pairs of Christmas socks I own . ( I have socks for all occassions & moods . . . I love my goofy socks ! ) It seems that I 'm cruising right along with my Christmas Knits . I 'm still a little concerned about getting a few projects done on time , but hopefully I 'll get it all done . I have a lot of knits to be shipped out to loved ones who live out of state , and this year I 've just given myself permission to finish those and ship them out after Christmas . This usually happens anyway , and giving myself permission to do so has relieved a LOT of my holiday stress . I do have several things finished . . . The Concord Socks : Concord SocksPattern - I didn 't really used one , though I based them on the Yarn Harlot 's Basic Sock Recipe . Yarn - Lamb 's Pride in IrisNeedles - Size 1 circs . Other info - I 'm happy with these socks . They are a gift for someone & I am confident they will fit perfectly . I tricked her into trying on the first sock when it was almost done . . . she thinks they are for someone else ! I also got one washcloth finished : Lace WashclothPattern - I just used the " Light Tulle " stitch I found in my handy - dandy stitch dictionaryYarn - Sugar & Cream in EcruNeedles - Size 8 straightsComments - This is the first of several that will eventually be shipped out of state . The stitch pattern was really simple , but turned out to be a bit time consuming . It 's really pretty , but I 'm not sure I 'd do anything larger with it . Oh , and speaking of size , it got seriously shorter as soon as I bound off . I think the weigh of the piece hanging off the needles while I was working on it gave it a bit more length . I have also almost completed 2 of 4 felted bracelet purses I 'm knitting for the holidays . I won 't share all the specs yet , since they aren 't finished yet , but I will say that I got the pattern from Crazy Aunt Purl 's book , and I love it . I knitted each of these in a couple of hours over a few days . The one on the left still has to be felted ; the one on the left , obviously , has already been felted . I just LOVE felting . . . don 't you ? So , what 's on the agenda next ? I balled this up last night ( while watching House on the DVR ) : It 's getting turned inPosted by Five years ago today , this little guy was born . . . Two days later ( on Thanksgiving Day ) we brought him home . . . I cannot believe Ty is FIVE YEARS OLD today . Didn 't he just arrive yesterday ? ? ? He was very excited to have his birthday party on Saturday , and was practically buzzing with excitement when he woke up this morning . He ran into our room and asked ( very loudly ) , " Mommy , am I 5 today ? " He then jumped up and down and clapped his hands when I confirmed that , yes he is , in fact , five now . I 'm a little more weepy about this birthday than I usually am . I blame it on the pregnancy hormones , though I suspect it 's really just because I can 't believe how quickly he 's growing up . On one hand I 'm so excited to see the great person that he is becoming , and on the other , I wish desperately that we could slow time down . . . just for a bit . . . to give me a few more moments to enjoy and savor . Ugh . . . I need another tissue . I 'm sorry to have kept you waiting for so long . I 've received a few emails that expressed concern over my absence , and I want to thank those of you who sent them . Everything is fine with me , and with the baby . I wanted to post the results of the ultrasound and some other stuff , but I really just haven 't had time . We were out of town for two weekends in a row , and every work day in between I ended up working in my office until 9 or 10 o ' clock at night . I can 't figure out where all the extra work is coming from . . . I complete things on my to - do list every day , and yet it seems to grow longer every day . So , without further ado , I give you . . . Our baby BOY ! ! ! ! ! ! Yes , yes , yes . I know I said I was sure this baby was a girl , but the ultrasound tech was quite confident that the baby does , in fact , have a penis . We are all really excited ( especially Matt & Ty , who wouldn 't know what to do with a baby girl if one fell out of the sky ) . I 'm not disappointed , as some people have suggested . I never said I wanted a girl . I said I thought it was a girl . I absolutely ADORE being the mother of a boy . . . well , two boys , now . I must pause in my post to pay homage to my Grandmother . G - ma , you were right & I was wrong , and I 'm just really glad we never made a bet on the gender of this baby . Because I would have lost . As usual , you have shown your wisdom and intuition to be far superior to mine . You may commence with the gloating . . . Now all we have to do is decide on a name . If you have any good names that you would care to share , I 'm all ears . We have a short list , and so far Jonas is leading the pack , but we 've still got a ways to go , so who knows what his name will end up being . And now onto knitting news . I have no real knitting news . I finished a washcloth . . . one of several that will end up being a Christmas gift set . I also cast on for , and have almost finished knitting , a bracelet purse , for a special little girl for Christmas . It was a very quick knit , and should be quick to finish after I felt the crap out of it . I love felting , don ' tPosted by . . . but you can 't hide ! Yes , my knitty friends , it is that time of year again . This Saturday is the greatest holiday of the year . Well , I guess it 's not an official " holiday , " but to us it is . The State of Missouri will open the 2007 Deer Season this Saturday morning , exactly one half - hour before sunrise . I am so excited , I might just go into labor ! That was totally a joke . This baby had better NOT make an early arrival . Deer season comes but once a year , and lasts a scant 8 days . My awesomely warm insulated pants do not fit right now . Well , they fit , but I can 't get them zipped or buttoned , so I have to buy a pair of suspenders tomorrow morning . I will still be wearing them , of course , since it gets really cold out in the forest this time of year , and I HATE to be cold . Thankfully , my bright orange parka does still fit , so I should be pretty good to go . Tomorrow is exciting for a bunch of reasons . Not only are we leaving for the " deer woods , " but we have our ultrasound and checkup appointments . We will go first to the ultrasound , where we hope to find out what we are having . We 're taking Ty with us , since it 's his baby too . Then we will head over to the doc 's office for the monthly weigh - in & check up . Oh , and I 'll have to pee in the cup . Don 't you just LOVE that part ? Then Matt & I will be taking Ty to school , packing up the car & heading out . To stalk , shoot at , and hopefully bag us a Bambi . Don 't be mad at me . I know , I know . They are beautiful , majestic and gentle creatures . I get that . I always get a little sad about the thought of killing one . But our state is currently in danger of being overrun by them , and that leads to a fate even worse than being shot . At least being shot is quick & mostly painless . . . If their population becomes too large , our forests won 't be able to support them . They will end up perishing , en mass , by disease , starvation , or automobile . We are simply doing our part to control the population . Also , did I mention the summer sausage & deer chili ? Mmmmm . I 'm very happy to say that the wheel is fixed . After a small amount of frustration ( and the mild curse words that accompany ) I finally broke down & asked Hubby to help . I 'm sure Matt would have helped sooner , but he knows I 'm very much a " I can do it myself kind of girl ) . He fixed it by noticing a screw that was missing . Okay , so I 'm usually very detail oriented , but this trait can very quickly become completely eclipsed by my short tolerance for frustrating things . I got to do some spinning on Saturday night . It took some time to get all my body parts coordinated , but I finally got into the rhythm . I learned a very important thing : I suck at spinning ! I 'm not upset or frustrated . I know it will come with time and practice , and I think with some better fiber . I did not expect to pick it up and be turning out fine handspun yarns on my first try , but , WOW , I am much worse at this than I expected . I plan to try again tonight , with some different fiber . We 'll see what happens . In other news , we reached that totally AWESOME time in the pregnancy where , not only am I feeling GREAT , but I 'm feeling the baby move all the time ! At various times during the day I 'll get bumped a few times . . . after I eat , after I work out . . . it 's cool . And the bumps are sometimes strong enough to be felt outside my belly . Of course , this baby refuses to cooperate when Matt or Ty is around . I 'll be sitting there , and I 'll few a couple of strong bumps , and as soon as either of them puts a hand on the belly , the baby stops . I think Matt & Ty have both pretty much given up on feeling any movement for now . Four more days , and then we get to see if Sweet Pea will cooperate with the ultrasound tech so we can find out if she 's a boy or a girl . . . Did I say " she ? " Yeah , well , my money 's on GIRL . Despite what my very sweet and wise G - ma says . Sorry , G - ma . . . I think you 're mistaken this time ! ! ! I see pink dresses in our future ! . . . Spin me right round baby , right round , like a record baby , right round , round , round . . . I am giddy as a school girl ! This came in the mail ( from the Netherlands ) last week : This was inside : Despite some really crappy assembly " instructions , " I managed to get it to look like this : Now I just have to learn to use it . Oh , and I think I messed up one little portion of the assembly . I can 't get the pedal - thingy to stay attached to the arm - thingy . ( The instructions did NOT include the names of the parts of the wheel . . . ) And , I don 't really know how to use it . I have some fiber . I have a wheel . Now I just have to learn how to use the wheel to make the fiber into something I can knit with . Does anybody have Rumpelstiltskin 's phone number or email address ? ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I am half - finished with a new Christmas Knit . It doesn 't look like it from this picture , but I actually finished this sock last Wednesday . I 'm calling these the " Concord Socks , " because this is grape - harvest season in the Missouri Wine Country , and this yarn is almost the exact color of concord grapes . This was my fastest sock yet . . . completed in about 8 days . ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ We had a great Halloween yesterday . Tyson had fun at his preschool party , and loved going trick - or - treating last night . He was pretty shy at first , but after he received a few pieces of candy for his efforts , he was crazy with the doorbell ringing ! ( Check out that puppy dog costume . . . sewed by yours truly . . . ) We also had a great time camping over the weekend . I took the camera , but like a dope , ended up leaving it in the car all weekend , so no pictures . Ty got to go trick - or - treating around the camp ground and ended up FILLING up his pumpkin bucket . He has more than enough candy to last his until Easter . . . provided I can keep Hubby from raiding it when Ty 's not looking . Oh , and we will hopefully find out if Sweet Pea is a boy or a girl next Friday ( Nov . 9 ) ! ! ! I am COUNTING THE DAYS . . . We are off to go camping for the weekend . It is our annual Halloween campfest & I am totally excited ! Before we go , however , I wanted to direct your attention to a new project I 've started . . . and one the I need your HELP with . Please go & check out this site : http : / / knitgreetings . blogspot . com / It 's a second blog i started . It 's for a really good cause , and there will be PRIZES ! ! ! ! ! Have a great weekend ! Yes , fall is definitely here . . . and it has inspired me to knit . Well , the inspiration came partly because of the cool weather and partly because of the fact that I just realized that Christmas is approaching . Quickly . The Garter Shawl is coming along , slowly as usual . The problem I 'm having is that I can 't really tell how big it is , so I don 't know if it 's done . I don 't know how much stretch I 'm going to get from blocking , and my needles are too short to see how wide it is . Which begs the question : Can a shawl be too big ? I 've been working on other Christmas - gift knits as well . First up , I dyed some yarn ! I haven 't used the Kool - Aid to dye yarn before . It was surprisingly easy ! I had some left over from a visit with H a couple of years ago . I needed some green yarn for a gift , but didn 't have any in my stash . So , I bought 8 packets of lemon lime Kool - Aid & pulled out the big pot . With the very electric green color of the lemon lime mix , I decided to do a variagated yarn . I wrapped it around a wooden spoon , balanced across the pot - o - green . I let more yarn out every 10 minutes . Here 's the end product : It 's still got some white spots in it , which is exactly what I wanted . I 'm anxious to knit this up to see how the colors will look . But I can 't start the gamma - green socks yet . I was so antsy to start another pair of socks while the gamma - green was drying that I had to start a different X - mas knit . These will be for my step mom . I 'm using some really rich concord - grape purple yarn . I just cast on this sock last Tuesday , and I 'm already just a few inches from binding off . We 're going camping this weekend , which means that this could actually be my quickest pair of socks yet ! I 'll leave you with a question . Look at this picture , and then tell me this : Am I the only one who believes this is the most ridiculous strategy for " washing " the floor ? In case you 're wondering , the idea of skating around on cleaning rags was NOT the four year old 's idea . It was the THIRTY - four year old 's . ( And for the record , they left streaks and dPosted by Before we get to the part about this week 's endings , I have a baby update ! I went to the doctor this morning and he say that everything looks great ! My weight , blood pressure , etc . are all looking good . And Sweet Pea gave us a good , strong heart beat ( 149 bpm ) and was apparently doing the cha - cha in there . . we could hear lots of movement . Although I am still incredibly tired , my nausea is totally gone . And , I 'm learning to get as much done as I can early in the day , because otherwise stuff doesn 't get done . I 'm so tired by mid - afternoon that I have to force myself to do even the simplest of tasks ( finishing paperwork , cooking dinner , standing upright . . ) . So , everything is going well so far . We have our detailed ultrasound scheduled for November 9 , and that 's when we 'll find out if we have a boy or girl . I am happy to have either . I love being the mother of a boy , and another would be great ! But , it would be interesting to have a girl , too . I suspect my MIL is secretly hoping for a girl since all of the children in her family are boys . She has three sons & a bunch of nephews . . . I 'm certain she would l - o - v - e a grand - daughter . I 'm going to go on record right now and say this : I think this baby is a girl . I cannot explain why I think this , but I do . Again , I will be happy no matter what . But I think it 's a girl . ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Now , onto the Endings that I mentioned in the title . For some reason , this has seemed like a week of endings . Up first , I finished the Lattice Socks . The eye strain of cabling on size 1 needles is at an end ! I know , I know . I 'm a knitter . A FO shouldn 't be all that rare , but around here . . . FO 's have been few and far between . Pattern : Lattice Socks . I based the pattern on Yarn Harlot 's basic sock recipe . Yarn : I think it came from Knit Picks . . . Heather & I dyed it over MS & W weekend , 2006Needles : 2 - Size 1 circulars . Pattern Notes : I 'm not sure I can take credit for " writing " this pattern . As I said , the basic pattern came from Yarn Harlot 's recipe , and I found the Lattice Stripe in my stitch dPosted by
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So I have been tagged by Sally Hazel for this meme . My first one ! Where do I start ? Here are the rules : Grab the nearest book . Open the book to page 56 . Find the fifth sentence . Post the text of the next two to five sentences in your journal / blog along with these instructions . Don 't dig for your favorite book , the cool book , or the intellectual one : pick the CLOSEST . Tag five other people to do the same . " The existence of a day of judgment means that God is interested in us . He cares . What we do does ultimately matter . " Shimon Apisdorf , Rosh Hashanah Yom Kippur Survival Kit I am writing this from work during lunch , so this was the closest book to my computer . I am not showing off . Actually , quite the opposite . This is the unequivocal proof that I am more than qualified to start a disorganized religion of my own . I was carrying this book with me before Rosh Hashanah to refresh a few ideas and maybe finally finish reading it . I am fairly certain that I didn 't finish it and instead fell asleep every time I took it out of my purse . And one time I had too many things in my purse , so I took the book out planning to declultter my purse and bring the book home the very next day . ( Wait , I need to take a break and wipe off the tears - I am laughing so hard . Declutter ! The very next day ! hahahahaha ) Of course I didn 't , and once in a while I would bump into the book and promise myself to finally bring it home . Over time , the book migrated closer and closer to my computer , in hopes of serving as a reminder and eventually making it to the bookshelf in my living room . It finally became a permanent fixture on my work desk a few months ago and blended in with the rest of the stuff , so I stopped noticing it . Until I got this meme and was horrified that I might need to quote my accounting textbook . Fear not though , it probably would never get to that . I realized that I have two more books on my desk ( all close by , so I wouldn 't forget to bring them home ) before Intermediate Accounting becomes the next physically closest to me . I am nPosted by Dear Jim , I guess after all that waiting , it just might not work . I am sad , are you ? The first time I lay eyes on you , I was about eighteen in the waiting room of my orthodontist . Quite frankly , you were not my type then . Ace Ventura , The Cable Guy , even the The Mask were not my cup of tea . So when during those long hours waiting to be seen by the doc , I picked up a magazine with your interview . I didn 't think it would interest me . And it didn 't . I was just mindlessly turning the pages until I saw this : And everything between us changed . I suddenly saw your depth and was completely mesmerised . There was something about this picture that made me look , even stare . Until I got called for my appointment . When I came back , the magazine was gone , and so were you . But I remembered the picture . Years went by , you matured and grew into " The Truman Show " and " Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind " , among other things . And we finally totally clicked . However , in my mind you were always a guy from this picture . That 's probably how I will always think of you . But what does it have to do with my blog ? A few weeks ago I promised to spruce it up . Naturally , I thought of you and your picture to be a more than worthy replacement of the picture I had before . Can I tell you something ? I never truly liked that baby . I posted his picture in haste when I couldn 't find anything better . But this baby gave me creeps . He always looked cold and his skin had a blue tinge that made me wish to cover him with a blanket . Don 't tell anyone , but I secretly dubbed him " the blue baby . " So many times I wanted to replace him with something else , but inadvertently I cornered myself by selecting a baby : what kind of a heartless witch would replace a baby picture ? So I patiently waited for the respectable amount of time to pass , so that I could finally put a picture that didn 't make me run for a pair of warm socks every time I looked at it . I have waited for a year , Jim , a YEAR ! before I took that picture down and replaced it with yours . Unfortunately , some reaPosted by These are just my musings on the topic of Holiday Season . They are too short to get a post of their own , plus I am not sure if I 'll manage to get another post out for this to be relevant . So there . Oh , and before I forget , HAPPY CHANUKAH ! ! ! Holiday season happens to be the time when our large vendors send us , their good customers , Christmas baskets with edible goodies . I do appreciate the thought and all , but would it kill them to send something kosher ? I mean , we live in NY , how hard could it be ? Yes , I do realize that complaining about Christmas baskets not being kosher is at best ironic . But when the 3 p . m . hunger strikes and everyone around happily munches on gourmet cookies while you hope to satiate yourself with your own saliva , philosophical musings are the last thing that comes to mind . Here 's one for marriage experts to illustrate that men truly are from Mars . I call hubby today and ask if he would like some donuts . Ask any woman ( any sane woman ) what that means , and she will tell you , " Honey , would you be so kind as to pick up a few dozen donuts from the bakery on your way home ? " What does a male hear ? " Honey , would you be so kind as to allow me to spend hours in kitchen for the honor of serving you some home made donuts ? " and replies with " Yeah , sure , make some . " Ugh , whatever , they are hopeless … When I explain the true meaning behind the question , hubby is genuinely surprised , " But you like making donuts ! " Yes , I also like expensive jewelry , playing preferance and girls only nights out . I don 't see anyone rushing to fulfill those likes of mine . . . * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * This is the time of the year when one hears a lot of griping about organized religion ( as far as I am concerned , in 99 % of the cases this is just an excuse to avoid going to church or whatever else the religion would obligate the person to do ) . So I had a bright idea . What if I started a disorganized religion ? Or religion for the disorganized ? Either option would bePosted by I have found yet another evidence that Russia will most likely never be a normal country . At least not in my lifetime . While looking something up on the net , I have come across an interesting piece of info : there is a movement in Russia organized in the late 90s that heavily lobbies for Ivan the Terrible 's recognition as a saint . In the past nine years or so , the movement only gathered more and more followers . I will not go into much detail about many saints who are already recognized and who led far from saintly lifestyles . The fact that many of them were murderers , vicious anti - Semites , womanizers and drunks would not surprise most educated people . But Ivan the Terrible ? The serial murderer , rapist , and torturer ? The man responsible for thousands and thousands of deaths of his fellow Orthodox Christians ? That goes beyond anything I have seen before . But honestly , the only thing that truly surprises me is that Ivan is not a saint yet . Russians develop masochistic devotion and attachment to their tzars , especially the ones that kept the country " in control " , i . e . engaged in the most amount of terror against Russian citizens . After reading this info , I mumbled to myself , " The next thing you know , those nuts will ask for Stalin to be recognized a saint too . " But I spoke too early . Not long after , I found that there 's a movement for that too . . . Apparently , verbal diarrhea can spread to other parts of the body . Sigh … Today my lunch buddy and I decided to deviate from our routine and ordered Chinese . Do you know what my fortune cookie said ? " Share your happiness with others today . " It might be a bit presumptuous on my part , but I am fairly certain that others want me to keep my " happiness " to myself , especially today . Posted by Today I went to DD 's Chanukah party . It involved girls singing a few songs , some mother - daughter activities and consumption of a self - decorated donut . Not bad and not too long . Miraculously I came on time and didn 't forget the camera . That lucky streak of me doing things right couldn 't last . During the singing part of the event , the music teacher started telling the story about Shani the rabbit who had a lot of sisters , and a lot of brothers and . . . One of the girls called out , " And a lot of fathers ! " Most mothers politely giggled , and red lights and alarms went off in my head : DON ' T SAY ANYTHING , DON ' T SAY ANYTHING , DON ' T SAY ANYTHING . Sigh . . . With alarms ignored , I whispered to my neighbor , " This information sounds a bit advanced for a four - year - old , don 't you think ? " Yep , DD . Mommy is trying to make a good impression . . . Overall we had fun . Of course no school party is complete without some waterworks . As we got to the eating part of our activities , DD noticed that one of her classmates was crying . I said that she was crying because her Mommy left . DD immediately calculated the situation , " But you are not leaving . We are going home . Right ? " Sigh . " No , sweetie , Mommy is going to work , like I told you yesterday and this morning . " You should 've seen it : those big gray eyes got even bigger and there it started . At least she wasn 't alone . I don 't know who was more traumatized , me or her . Next week it 's DS 's turn . More songs , donuts and trauma on the way . . . ( As was told by my Mom . ) Two weeks ago DD went to my parents . She was in the bathroom when my Mom knocked . DD said non maliciously , " Go away , please . " Mom said , " The nice way to say this is , " I need my privacy . " Do you want to repeat it ? " After pondering a few moments , DD decided to stick to the old and tried version and said , " Please , go away . " And then promised to be out soon . She then proceeded to washing hands ( that takes a while , DD is VERY thorough ) , brushing her teeth , and then washing her hands again . Mom knocked and reminded DD that other people also need to use the bathroom , to which DD replied , " I need my privacy . " Something in a way this was said prompted Mom to think that this was DD 's attempt at humor . I said , I would have loved to believe that she has a sense of humor , but this episode alone doesn 't really prove it one way or the other . DD could 've just decided to be a bit bratty or try using a new phrase . It was not the end of the saga , though . A week later , DD asked for cereal . She said , " Mama , I want cereal please . " I decided I could teach her a more sophisticated version and said , " It would be nice to say , " Mommy , could you please give me cereal ? " Can you repeat that ? " DD gave it a try , almost got it , but on my second request to repeat the new phrase , she gave me a long look and said , " Mommy , I need my privacy . " And just like my Mom a week before , I was left wondering whether DD was making a joke , tried to tell me to get lost or simply repeated another fancy phrase she recently learned . And with her , it truly is hard to know . On a lighter note . . . Attention , nagging wives everywhere ! You now have a free pass to nag your husband incessantly , courtesy of a fellow nagging wife in New Zealand . Next time hubby complaints about your nagging , you can just tell him , " I am doing it for us and our future , honey , " and show him the article . If only the winnings would be directly related to the amount of nagging . . . ahh , wishful thinking . I still haven 't managed to put together the serious post I have been nursing for some time now . But I found this , and this post , though not exactly on the same topic , expresses very well at least some of the frustration that I have with our media . http : / / www . alfassa . com / blog / 2008 / 12 / the - chabad - rabbi - in - india - was . htmlThe Chabad Rabbi in India was not ' Killed ' Media suppresses word ' murder ' and overlooks ' torture ' by Islamic terroristsBy Shelomo AlfassaNEW YORK ( December 1 , 2008 ) On Thanksgiving Day 2008 , gunshots rang out startling the family of Rabbi Gavriel Noach Holtzberg and others inside the Chabad center in Mumbai , India . A maid at the Chabad center thought it was firecrackers - - then an Islamic gunman came up the stairs . Explosions and gunshots rattled the building and continued through the night . At the same time the Chabad center is attacked , Islamic terrorists were attacking a police station and a few minutes later they opened fire at a hospital . They also opened fire in restaurants and at hotels , all together , at over 10 locations , the Islamic terrorists murdered over 190 people . The Chabad center maid told the media that the gunmen destroyed the elevator , dining room and " everything " else . The rabbi ran to the telephone to call the Israeli Consulate . He got them on the line , told them there were men with guns in the house , but in the middle of the conversation , the line went dead after the rabbi said , " something 's wrong " and the rabbi 's wife was heard screaming " SEND HELP IMMEDIATLY . " The rabbi was grabbed by the Muslim terrorists , held down and had a belt secured around his legs to prevent him from walking . Several other Jews in the center had their hands and feet bound with telephone cords or nylon rope . The Indian Express reported that , Rabbi Holtzberg , his wife Rivka and their three friends died in a " brutal manner . . . " The paper horrifically reported that there was " brutality unleashed on the Holtzberg . " The paper reported that police photos inside the Chabad center spoke , " volumes of the nightmare the fPosted by I have tried to write a serious post for about a week , but whatever I wrote came out to be incomprehensible not to my satisfaction . And it 's one of those posts : if I can 't say it right , then I shouldn 't say it at all . I 'll come back to it some other time and give it a shot when my head is clearer or my writing abilities improve , which will happen . . . well , probably never . So I decided to go back to the basics and write not about politics , current events , or anything requiring any serious brain ability , but about what 's eating me inside . Well , actually , this post is about what I am eating . I have found myself consuming an inordinate amount of sugar recently . It has actually become a compulsion , and I was unable to stop . Then I had an epiphany : maybe , I am missing fruit ! So the next time I went weekly shopping , I picked up a few pomegranates and a couple of mangoes . I don 't particularly care for winter apples , and generally anything bought out of season is a waste of money , as far as I am concerned . I am not sure if pomegranates and mangoes are in season , but I rarely indulge in those fruits ; however , the one I picked looked good , and there was nothing better , except for apples . I was not disappointed . Pomegranate was delicious ( and on sale , might I add ) . It was awesome and very ripe . AND aesthetically very pleasing . I just lo - o - ove looking at pomegranates , right before viciously consuming them . The repeat though was not as successful . The next time I bought pomegranates , they were a bit overripe , but still quite good and still on sale . Doesn 't that look awesome ? And it tasted awesome too . So good that I ran to the grocery store the next day to buy some more . So good that even DS , who normally avoids fruits and veggies like plague , had some and liked it . So good that I am thinking of taking out a second mortgage on our house and buying some more . Ok , so we don 't have a house and a mortgage , but if we did . . . the price of fruit had become truly outrageous , in my opinion . And yesterday I went to the store to pick up some bPosted by For various reasons we had to take our kidlets on the subway last week . Going to Manhattan presented little problem since they ( SubHub and kids , I was at work ) were going against the traffic . We naively thought that going back shouldn 't be a problem either , but we were dead wrong . Apparently there are almost as many people on the train at 8 p . m . as there are at 6 p . m . So when we boarded Q train , there were no seats available . Surprise , surprise , no one offered a seat either . We had no choice but to tough it out . SubHub was holding DD and our bags ; I ended up with DS . I was holding him tight , but the little fella got a big scared on one of the steep turns and started looking for something to grab on in addition to my hand . Due to his height limitation , he couldn 't find anything suitable , except for some woman 's jeans - clad calf . I asked him to stop , but to no avail ; he was grabbing on for his dear life . Both SubHub and I got beet red and couldn 't wait for this ride to be over . The woman half turned , gave us one annoying look , but then submitted to her fate . After all , being molested by a handsome cute 2 - yr old is not the worst thing that can happen to one on the subway . The steep turn was over in about a minute and things returned to normal , except that both SubHub and I were still beet red . In a few stops one of the seats in front of that woman became available . So seeing a family with two little children , this young woman did the most natural to any decent human being thing - she offered the seat to us , NOT . She grabbed it just as fast as DS grabbed her calf three minutes earlier . The woman still kept on throwing annoyed glares in our direction , but she looked a bit relieved at the same time . Finally she was in relative safety , rescued from unwanted advances of our son . That 's when my deep feeling of embarrassment was replaced by an even deeper feeling of regret . Why didn 't DS pinch her while he was at it ? DD burned her hand yesterday . Nothing major , but definitely not pleasant . She didn 't even cry , and now I know why . She was nursing an . . .
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So I have been tagged by Sally Hazel for this meme . My first one ! Where do I start ? Here are the rules : Grab the nearest book . Open the book to page 56 . Find the fifth sentence . Post the text of the next two to five sentences in your journal / blog along with these instructions . Don 't dig for your favorite book , the cool book , or the intellectual one : pick the CLOSEST . Tag five other people to do the same . " The existence of a day of judgment means that God is interested in us . He cares . What we do does ultimately matter . " Shimon Apisdorf , Rosh Hashanah Yom Kippur Survival Kit I am writing this from work during lunch , so this was the closest book to my computer . I am not showing off . Actually , quite the opposite . This is the unequivocal proof that I am more than qualified to start a disorganized religion of my own . I was carrying this book with me before Rosh Hashanah to refresh a few ideas and maybe finally finish reading it . I am fairly certain that I didn 't finish it and instead fell asleep every time I took it out of my purse . And one time I had too many things in my purse , so I took the book out planning to declultter my purse and bring the book home the very next day . ( Wait , I need to take a break and wipe off the tears - I am laughing so hard . Declutter ! The very next day ! hahahahaha ) Of course I didn 't , and once in a while I would bump into the book and promise myself to finally bring it home . Over time , the book migrated closer and closer to my computer , in hopes of serving as a reminder and eventually making it to the bookshelf in my living room . It finally became a permanent fixture on my work desk a few months ago and blended in with the rest of the stuff , so I stopped noticing it . Until I got this meme and was horrified that I might need to quote my accounting textbook . Fear not though , it probably would never get to that . I realized that I have two more books on my desk ( all close by , so I wouldn 't forget to bring them home ) before Intermediate Accounting becomes the next physically closest to me . I am nPosted by Dear Jim , I guess after all that waiting , it just might not work . I am sad , are you ? The first time I lay eyes on you , I was about eighteen in the waiting room of my orthodontist . Quite frankly , you were not my type then . Ace Ventura , The Cable Guy , even the The Mask were not my cup of tea . So when during those long hours waiting to be seen by the doc , I picked up a magazine with your interview . I didn 't think it would interest me . And it didn 't . I was just mindlessly turning the pages until I saw this : And everything between us changed . I suddenly saw your depth and was completely mesmerised . There was something about this picture that made me look , even stare . Until I got called for my appointment . When I came back , the magazine was gone , and so were you . But I remembered the picture . Years went by , you matured and grew into " The Truman Show " and " Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind " , among other things . And we finally totally clicked . However , in my mind you were always a guy from this picture . That 's probably how I will always think of you . But what does it have to do with my blog ? A few weeks ago I promised to spruce it up . Naturally , I thought of you and your picture to be a more than worthy replacement of the picture I had before . Can I tell you something ? I never truly liked that baby . I posted his picture in haste when I couldn 't find anything better . But this baby gave me creeps . He always looked cold and his skin had a blue tinge that made me wish to cover him with a blanket . Don 't tell anyone , but I secretly dubbed him " the blue baby . " So many times I wanted to replace him with something else , but inadvertently I cornered myself by selecting a baby : what kind of a heartless witch would replace a baby picture ? So I patiently waited for the respectable amount of time to pass , so that I could finally put a picture that didn 't make me run for a pair of warm socks every time I looked at it . I have waited for a year , Jim , a YEAR ! before I took that picture down and replaced it with yours . Unfortunately , some reaPosted by These are just my musings on the topic of Holiday Season . They are too short to get a post of their own , plus I am not sure if I 'll manage to get another post out for this to be relevant . So there . Oh , and before I forget , HAPPY CHANUKAH ! ! ! Holiday season happens to be the time when our large vendors send us , their good customers , Christmas baskets with edible goodies . I do appreciate the thought and all , but would it kill them to send something kosher ? I mean , we live in NY , how hard could it be ? Yes , I do realize that complaining about Christmas baskets not being kosher is at best ironic . But when the 3 p . m . hunger strikes and everyone around happily munches on gourmet cookies while you hope to satiate yourself with your own saliva , philosophical musings are the last thing that comes to mind . Here 's one for marriage experts to illustrate that men truly are from Mars . I call hubby today and ask if he would like some donuts . Ask any woman ( any sane woman ) what that means , and she will tell you , " Honey , would you be so kind as to pick up a few dozen donuts from the bakery on your way home ? " What does a male hear ? " Honey , would you be so kind as to allow me to spend hours in kitchen for the honor of serving you some home made donuts ? " and replies with " Yeah , sure , make some . " Ugh , whatever , they are hopeless … When I explain the true meaning behind the question , hubby is genuinely surprised , " But you like making donuts ! " Yes , I also like expensive jewelry , playing preferance and girls only nights out . I don 't see anyone rushing to fulfill those likes of mine . . . * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * This is the time of the year when one hears a lot of griping about organized religion ( as far as I am concerned , in 99 % of the cases this is just an excuse to avoid going to church or whatever else the religion would obligate the person to do ) . So I had a bright idea . What if I started a disorganized religion ? Or religion for the disorganized ? Either option would bePosted by I have found yet another evidence that Russia will most likely never be a normal country . At least not in my lifetime . While looking something up on the net , I have come across an interesting piece of info : there is a movement in Russia organized in the late 90s that heavily lobbies for Ivan the Terrible 's recognition as a saint . In the past nine years or so , the movement only gathered more and more followers . I will not go into much detail about many saints who are already recognized and who led far from saintly lifestyles . The fact that many of them were murderers , vicious anti - Semites , womanizers and drunks would not surprise most educated people . But Ivan the Terrible ? The serial murderer , rapist , and torturer ? The man responsible for thousands and thousands of deaths of his fellow Orthodox Christians ? That goes beyond anything I have seen before . But honestly , the only thing that truly surprises me is that Ivan is not a saint yet . Russians develop masochistic devotion and attachment to their tzars , especially the ones that kept the country " in control " , i . e . engaged in the most amount of terror against Russian citizens . After reading this info , I mumbled to myself , " The next thing you know , those nuts will ask for Stalin to be recognized a saint too . " But I spoke too early . Not long after , I found that there 's a movement for that too . . . Apparently , verbal diarrhea can spread to other parts of the body . Sigh … Today my lunch buddy and I decided to deviate from our routine and ordered Chinese . Do you know what my fortune cookie said ? " Share your happiness with others today . " It might be a bit presumptuous on my part , but I am fairly certain that others want me to keep my " happiness " to myself , especially today . Posted by Today I went to DD 's Chanukah party . It involved girls singing a few songs , some mother - daughter activities and consumption of a self - decorated donut . Not bad and not too long . Miraculously I came on time and didn 't forget the camera . That lucky streak of me doing things right couldn 't last . During the singing part of the event , the music teacher started telling the story about Shani the rabbit who had a lot of sisters , and a lot of brothers and . . . One of the girls called out , " And a lot of fathers ! " Most mothers politely giggled , and red lights and alarms went off in my head : DON ' T SAY ANYTHING , DON ' T SAY ANYTHING , DON ' T SAY ANYTHING . Sigh . . . With alarms ignored , I whispered to my neighbor , " This information sounds a bit advanced for a four - year - old , don 't you think ? " Yep , DD . Mommy is trying to make a good impression . . . Overall we had fun . Of course no school party is complete without some waterworks . As we got to the eating part of our activities , DD noticed that one of her classmates was crying . I said that she was crying because her Mommy left . DD immediately calculated the situation , " But you are not leaving . We are going home . Right ? " Sigh . " No , sweetie , Mommy is going to work , like I told you yesterday and this morning . " You should 've seen it : those big gray eyes got even bigger and there it started . At least she wasn 't alone . I don 't know who was more traumatized , me or her . Next week it 's DS 's turn . More songs , donuts and trauma on the way . . . ( As was told by my Mom . ) Two weeks ago DD went to my parents . She was in the bathroom when my Mom knocked . DD said non maliciously , " Go away , please . " Mom said , " The nice way to say this is , " I need my privacy . " Do you want to repeat it ? " After pondering a few moments , DD decided to stick to the old and tried version and said , " Please , go away . " And then promised to be out soon . She then proceeded to washing hands ( that takes a while , DD is VERY thorough ) , brushing her teeth , and then washing her hands again . Mom knocked and reminded DD that other people also need to use the bathroom , to which DD replied , " I need my privacy . " Something in a way this was said prompted Mom to think that this was DD 's attempt at humor . I said , I would have loved to believe that she has a sense of humor , but this episode alone doesn 't really prove it one way or the other . DD could 've just decided to be a bit bratty or try using a new phrase . It was not the end of the saga , though . A week later , DD asked for cereal . She said , " Mama , I want cereal please . " I decided I could teach her a more sophisticated version and said , " It would be nice to say , " Mommy , could you please give me cereal ? " Can you repeat that ? " DD gave it a try , almost got it , but on my second request to repeat the new phrase , she gave me a long look and said , " Mommy , I need my privacy . " And just like my Mom a week before , I was left wondering whether DD was making a joke , tried to tell me to get lost or simply repeated another fancy phrase she recently learned . And with her , it truly is hard to know . On a lighter note . . . Attention , nagging wives everywhere ! You now have a free pass to nag your husband incessantly , courtesy of a fellow nagging wife in New Zealand . Next time hubby complaints about your nagging , you can just tell him , " I am doing it for us and our future , honey , " and show him the article . If only the winnings would be directly related to the amount of nagging . . . ahh , wishful thinking . I still haven 't managed to put together the serious post I have been nursing for some time now . But I found this , and this post , though not exactly on the same topic , expresses very well at least some of the frustration that I have with our media . http : / / www . alfassa . com / blog / 2008 / 12 / the - chabad - rabbi - in - india - was . htmlThe Chabad Rabbi in India was not ' Killed ' Media suppresses word ' murder ' and overlooks ' torture ' by Islamic terroristsBy Shelomo AlfassaNEW YORK ( December 1 , 2008 ) On Thanksgiving Day 2008 , gunshots rang out startling the family of Rabbi Gavriel Noach Holtzberg and others inside the Chabad center in Mumbai , India . A maid at the Chabad center thought it was firecrackers - - then an Islamic gunman came up the stairs . Explosions and gunshots rattled the building and continued through the night . At the same time the Chabad center is attacked , Islamic terrorists were attacking a police station and a few minutes later they opened fire at a hospital . They also opened fire in restaurants and at hotels , all together , at over 10 locations , the Islamic terrorists murdered over 190 people . The Chabad center maid told the media that the gunmen destroyed the elevator , dining room and " everything " else . The rabbi ran to the telephone to call the Israeli Consulate . He got them on the line , told them there were men with guns in the house , but in the middle of the conversation , the line went dead after the rabbi said , " something 's wrong " and the rabbi 's wife was heard screaming " SEND HELP IMMEDIATLY . " The rabbi was grabbed by the Muslim terrorists , held down and had a belt secured around his legs to prevent him from walking . Several other Jews in the center had their hands and feet bound with telephone cords or nylon rope . The Indian Express reported that , Rabbi Holtzberg , his wife Rivka and their three friends died in a " brutal manner . . . " The paper horrifically reported that there was " brutality unleashed on the Holtzberg . " The paper reported that police photos inside the Chabad center spoke , " volumes of the nightmare the fPosted by I have tried to write a serious post for about a week , but whatever I wrote came out to be incomprehensible not to my satisfaction . And it 's one of those posts : if I can 't say it right , then I shouldn 't say it at all . I 'll come back to it some other time and give it a shot when my head is clearer or my writing abilities improve , which will happen . . . well , probably never . So I decided to go back to the basics and write not about politics , current events , or anything requiring any serious brain ability , but about what 's eating me inside . Well , actually , this post is about what I am eating . I have found myself consuming an inordinate amount of sugar recently . It has actually become a compulsion , and I was unable to stop . Then I had an epiphany : maybe , I am missing fruit ! So the next time I went weekly shopping , I picked up a few pomegranates and a couple of mangoes . I don 't particularly care for winter apples , and generally anything bought out of season is a waste of money , as far as I am concerned . I am not sure if pomegranates and mangoes are in season , but I rarely indulge in those fruits ; however , the one I picked looked good , and there was nothing better , except for apples . I was not disappointed . Pomegranate was delicious ( and on sale , might I add ) . It was awesome and very ripe . AND aesthetically very pleasing . I just lo - o - ove looking at pomegranates , right before viciously consuming them . The repeat though was not as successful . The next time I bought pomegranates , they were a bit overripe , but still quite good and still on sale . Doesn 't that look awesome ? And it tasted awesome too . So good that I ran to the grocery store the next day to buy some more . So good that even DS , who normally avoids fruits and veggies like plague , had some and liked it . So good that I am thinking of taking out a second mortgage on our house and buying some more . Ok , so we don 't have a house and a mortgage , but if we did . . . the price of fruit had become truly outrageous , in my opinion . And yesterday I went to the store to pick up some bPosted by For various reasons we had to take our kidlets on the subway last week . Going to Manhattan presented little problem since they ( SubHub and kids , I was at work ) were going against the traffic . We naively thought that going back shouldn 't be a problem either , but we were dead wrong . Apparently there are almost as many people on the train at 8 p . m . as there are at 6 p . m . So when we boarded Q train , there were no seats available . Surprise , surprise , no one offered a seat either . We had no choice but to tough it out . SubHub was holding DD and our bags ; I ended up with DS . I was holding him tight , but the little fella got a big scared on one of the steep turns and started looking for something to grab on in addition to my hand . Due to his height limitation , he couldn 't find anything suitable , except for some woman 's jeans - clad calf . I asked him to stop , but to no avail ; he was grabbing on for his dear life . Both SubHub and I got beet red and couldn 't wait for this ride to be over . The woman half turned , gave us one annoying look , but then submitted to her fate . After all , being molested by a handsome cute 2 - yr old is not the worst thing that can happen to one on the subway . The steep turn was over in about a minute and things returned to normal , except that both SubHub and I were still beet red . In a few stops one of the seats in front of that woman became available . So seeing a family with two little children , this young woman did the most natural to any decent human being thing - she offered the seat to us , NOT . She grabbed it just as fast as DS grabbed her calf three minutes earlier . The woman still kept on throwing annoyed glares in our direction , but she looked a bit relieved at the same time . Finally she was in relative safety , rescued from unwanted advances of our son . That 's when my deep feeling of embarrassment was replaced by an even deeper feeling of regret . Why didn 't DS pinch her while he was at it ? DD burned her hand yesterday . Nothing major , but definitely not pleasant . She didn 't even cry , and now I know why . She was nursing an . . .
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I don 't know why this particular Sunday was picked to be Laity Sunday . I suspect that if one were to go back into the history of the denomination and examine old copies of The Discipline I think one might find a legal paragraph or two that mandates that lay speakers do one service a year in their own church . I have a sense that such a rule / paragraph existed at one time and I know that it doesn 't exist today . In one sense , if it did exist , it would be a little impractical , especially in those churches with more than one active lay speaker . Of course , there really isn 't such a thing as a lay speaker anymore , having shifted to the title of lay servant and preaching or presenting the message is no longer the primary task of the lay servant . I was in a discussion with a friend the other day about the nature of the sermon and whether it served primarily as a call to respond to Christ or to provide information to the assembled people or some other purpose . I hope that we concluded with the idea that a particular sermon serves a particular purpose based on the situation and needs of those in attendance . But it also served as a call for each member of the church , the laity , to respond in some way . Stewardship has to be more than simply giving money for the operation of the church . When everything is expressed in terms of operating the church , then I fear that we have elevated the building to a status similar to a false idol . This is not to say that the building is not important but then again , how many successful churches today are operating outside the framework of a permanent structure ? Jesus is confronted by the Pharisees , again looking for a way to entrap him . This time , the issue is taxation , an extremely sore point with the religious establishment who could not stand that money taken by the Romans was money that could have been given to them . And Jesus replies that one gives to the government what should be given to the government and one gives to God what should be given to God . I think the problem is that , while God is among us today , we are blind to His presence . We speak of the unique relationship that we have but we don 't acknowledge it . And if we do not acknowledge it , we can 't be aware of it . I wrote a prayer a few years ago that hung in our feeding ministry 's kitchen . Unfortunately , I didn 't keep a copy of it on my hard drive . But I remember that one line I wrote acknowledged that Jesus Christ would be one of those who we feed that morning . How can we give to God what is God if we do not treat everyone as if he or she was a representative of Christ ? Second point , how can we see God if our lives are lived in such a way that it doesn 't reflect what we believe ? When you read Paul 's words to the Thessalonians for today , note how he commends them for leading a life that shows the presence of Christ and what that means to others . Others see in the Thessalonians the way to live and the openness in which that live works . You cannot split your life into parts as far as Christ is concerned . You either live it fully in and with Christ or you do not . And if you do not live it fully in and with Christ , then you had best do what Jesus Himself first called upon the people to do , repent of your ways and begin anew . On this Sunday , we need to understand that it is not a recognition of what we have done but rather what we are going to do . It is a recognition that the life we lead is one that leads to Christ and helps others find Christ in a troubled and disturbed world . It is a life that does truly lead to peace and justice for all . When I thought about the title for this message , my first thought was something like " Destruction , Desolation , and Despair . " But that is a rather depressing title and neither the direction that I wanted to take the message nor indicative of the Scriptures for this weekend . So I looked again at the Scriptures and I thought about it and came up with " Renewal , Revival , and Rejoicing . " The Old Testament reading comes at a time when the people of Israel are returning home after exile in Babylon . But they are returning to a country that has been completely and totally destroyed . The best and brightest of the Israelite society have been taken away and it would seem that there is no way that the country can be rebuilt . Amidst the desolation and destruction , there is only despair ; there is no hope . It was that way when during the time of Jesus ' ministry . Perhaps there wasn 't much destruction since the country had been rebuilt but there certainly had to be desolation and despair . The country was occupied by a foreign power and was governed by a group of political and religious authorities who were more interested in their own power and sought favor from the Roman occupiers . Many of the people felt that there was no hope , no mercy , and certainly no justice unless , of course , one had money and power . And two hundred years ago in this country , amidst the destruction and desolation that followed the American Revolution , there had to be a degree of despair . Because of the revolution , many of the clergy affiliated with the Anglican Church , the state church of the colonies and England , had left for the safety of England rather than stay through the struggles . This left many in this country without pastoral leadership . In these three eras of history , there was clearly destruction and desolation and most certainly there was despair . To see hope and promise was very , very difficult if not even seemingly possible . And today , when there are still homeless , there is still hunger and sickness , it is quite easy to sense the despair amidst the destruction and desolation in the land that many see as the 21st century Promised Land , the " land of milk and honey . " But against that background , against the attitude that perhaps there is no hope , no promise for a better tomorrow and no future , there is hope , there is a promise . It began with Jesus walking the roads of the Galilee , speaking about the promise and not just speaking but offering hope through healing , feeding , and prayer . It continued with Paul offering advice to Timothy , his successor . They speak with smooth tongues and syrupy sweet voices , offering untold riches if you will send them your money . Maybe that would be the way to go , after all when they have your money they go out and buy expensive suits and fancy cars for themselves . I don 't think that is what is in the Gospel . For us today , in a world perhaps without hope or promise , we have to understand that God will not forget us ; we have to understand that God will respond to our cries for help . But those who call out must continue to watch , listen , and work towards the outcome . Too many people today call out for God , " Help me , God ! " and turn away when He does not answer immediately . But as they are turning away , there is God reaching out . It isn 't that God didn 't respond ; it is that we were not looking when the help was offered . Here the words of Jeremiah again , " Be ready . The time 's coming " - God 's Decree - " when I will plant people and animals in Israel and Judah , just as a farmer plants seed . And in the same way that earlier I relentlessly pulled up and tore down , took apart and demolished , so now I am sticking with them as they start over , building and planting . Posted on November 15 , 2012 by DrTony Reply This is the first message that I ever gave as a lay speaker . During a lay speaker class , I was asked how long it took to write my first message and I replied " three years . " I began thinking about being a lay speaker in 1988 but it was not until 17 November 1991 that I ever put together on paper the words for a sermon . Interestingly enough I never thought about the relationship between the title of this message and the fact that I was at Grace UMC when I gave it . I focused more on the hymn and what that hymn meant . That Grace UMC would make the turn around that it did ( six months before this message , it was thought that the church was going to die ; it survived those rough times and prospered over the years ) is amazing and perhaps this was a way to foretell that . The song " Amazing Grace " is an interesting one , both for its music and its message . This song is based in part on John Newton 's own life and experience ( The Hymns & Hymn Writers of the Church , Tillet & Nutter , 1911 ) . That experience can be understood from the passage from I Chronicles he used as the basis for the song : Then King David went in and sat before the Lord , and said " Who am I , O Lord God , and what is my house , that thou hast brought me thus far ? And this was a small thing in thy eyes , O God ; thou hast also spoken to thy servant 's house for a great while to come , and hast shown me future generations , O Lord God ! ( 1 Chronicles 17 : 16 - 17 ) At one point , he was a ship 's captain ; more to the point he was a slave ship captain . One day , while on the regular run from Africa to the American colonies , he decided that what he was doing wasn 't right . He then turned his ship around and took the would - be slaves back to Africa . This was a rather dramatic move on his part , one that many people would have been afraid to make . Even Newton might have been afraid to make such a move , but the Holy Spirit gave John Newton the power to turn his boat around without fearing the consequences . Saul also felt the power of the Holy Spirit when he was struck blind on the road to Damascus . More importantly , it was the same Holy Spirit which directed Ananias to go to Saul and help him . Now there was a disciple in Damascus named Ananias . The Lord said to him in a vision , " Ananias . " He answered , " Here I am , Lord . " The Lord said to him , " Get up and go to the street called Straight , and at the house of Judas look for a man of Tarsus named Saul . At this moment he is praying , and he has seen in a vision a man named Ananias come in and lay his hands on him so that he might regain his sight . " But Ananias answered , " Lord , I have heard from many about this man , how much evil he has done to your saints in Jerusalem ; and here he has authority from the chief priests to bind all who invoke your name . " But the Lord said to him , " Go , for he is an instrument whom I have chosed to bring my name before Gentiles and kings and before the people of Israel ; I myself will show him how much he must suffer for the sake of my name . " So Ananias went and entered the house . He laid his hands on Saul and said , " Brother Saul , the Lord Jesus , who appeared to you on your way here , has sent me so that you may regain your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit . " ( Acts 9 : 10 - 17 ) Now Ananias may have been afraid to go see Saul on his own . After all , here was a man who had the power to throw Ananias in jail for simply believing in Jesus . But , with the power of the Holy Spirit , he was able to go to Saul . We have all felt the power of the Holy Spirit at some time in our lives . The first time it came to me was in the form of my mother 's right elbow . When I was 12 and my family was living in Montgomery , Alabama , I grew tired of my mother elbowing me to keep me awake during the sermon . As a result , I decided to sit by myself . During that time , I begain to think about what it was to be a Christian . Shortly after we moved to Denver , Colorado , that summer I approached George Eddy , the pastor at the 1st Evangelical United Brethen Church in Aurora , about studying for the God & Country Award given by the Boy Scouts . Under his tutelage , I earned that award and joined the EUB church in 1964 . Even today , that still rates as one of my personal achievements . I am also convinced that it was the presence of the Holy Spirit that lead my family and I here from Odessa , Texas and to this church . I did not know about Grace Church until I walked by it while visiting the campus during the summer . What these stories show is the impact the Holy Spirit can have on individuals . It is that power which change 's one life and gives them the strength to change others . The idea of leadership within the church is what this Sunday is about . Jesus , through his disciples , has empowered us , as the laity , with the task of ministering to the world : And Jesus came and said to them , " All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me . Go therefore and make disciples of all nations , baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit , teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you ; and lo , I am with you always , to the close of the age . ( Matthew 28 : 18 - 20 ) But Moses said to the Lord , " Oh , my Lord , I am not eloquent , either heretofore or since thou hast spoken to thy servant ; but I am slow of speech and tongue . " Then the Lord said to him , " Who has made man 's mouth ? Who make him dumb , or deaf , or seeing , or blind ? Is it not I , the Lord ? Now therefore go , and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak . ( Exodus 4 : 10 - 13 ) Today is Laity Sunday , a day on which we honor all those who serve the chruch . Leadership is not limited to a select few , but is the responsibility of all members of the church . After all , when anyone joins the church , we as members also reaffirm our vows to " uphold it by our prayers , our presence , our gifts , and our service . " ( The United Methodist Hymnal , page 48 ( 1989 ) ) While I am a relatively new member of Grace Church , I still have an appreciation for its 130 year history . This is the most crucial time in that history . It is a time when this church can grow and expand its ministry in the neighborhood and the city . From the Talmud , we read " In every age there comes a time when leadership suddenly comes forth to meet the needs of the hour . And so there is no man who does not find his time , and there is no hour that does not have its leader . " ( I believe that I first saw this quote in Making of a President - 1960 ) How do we meet this challenge ? First , our Church Conference is December 8th . As a member of the church , you are entitled to vote on matters before the church . We have started an Estimate of Giving program and you can return that card so that the church will be able to plan its budget . If you sing in the choir , serve as an usher , serve as a greeter after church , serve as a Sunday School teacher , or help with Fellowship Time between Sunday School and church , you serve the church . There are many other ways to help the church meet this great challenge . The question that we as members of Grace Church must answer is " Are we willing to lead Grace Church in its mission and growth . " This is the same challenge John Newton faced when he turned his boat around and Ananias faced when he went to help Saul . If we do as John Newton , Ananias , John Wesley , and others have done and let the Holy Spririt guide and direct us , then we will be able to understand the meaning of the sixth verse of " Amazing Grace " : Posted on October 20 , 2012 by DrTony 2 I am at the First United Methodist Church of Round Hill ( Greenwich , CT ) this Sunday morning , October 21 , 2012 . The Scriptures for this morning , the 21st Sunday after Pentecost ( B ) , are Job 38 : 1 - 7 , ( 34 - 41 ) ; Hebrews 5 : 1 - 10 ; ; and Mark 10 : 35 - 45 . Their services start at 11 : 00 and you are welcome to attend . We have traveled many different paths to get to this place in space and time . We traveled some of the paths because we had no other choice , we traveled some rather reluctantly , but there have been some paths that we willingly and joyfully chose to travel . Our lives have been formed by the paths that we have walked and our lives will determine the paths that we walk when we leave this place today . In 1984 I moved from Memphis , Tennessee , to Silvis , Illinois , to begin teaching at a community college there . I was looking forward to making this move because I was going to be teaching again after being in graduate school at the University of Memphis . And because Iowa City was only about an hour and a half from the college where I was teaching , I would be able to complete the work on my doctorate in Science Education . As a side note , if you are interested in graduate work in the area of science education , the best place then and now to do this work was and is the University of Iowa . It was a path that I chose to walk . Thomas Peters and Robert Waterman , Jr . , wrote a book entitled The Search For Excellence : Lessons from America 's Best - Run Companies in which they identified what they thought were the basic principles of modern business management . I was interested in this research for two reasons . First , my father was an industrial engineer who specialized in time and motion study . As a disciple of Frederick Winslow Taylor , he looked at the ways things operated and thought about how to make them work better . More importantly , I arrived on the University of Iowa campus in Iowa City as this search for excellence was being applied to science education in this country . The faculty members at Iowa who would guide , direct and advise me on my doctoral studies were leading this research . And one mark of the excellence of the Iowa program , at least for me , is that I was allowed the choose the path my doctoral studies would take and I was not required to be part of this research . The conclusions as to what made an excellent or exemplary program in science education very closely matched the conclusions of Peters and Waterman ( see Penick , J . E . , Yager , R . E . , and Bonnstetter , R . ( October , 1986 ) . Teachers make exemplary programs . Educational Leadership , 44 ( 2 ) , 14 - 20 . ) Peters and Waterman began their research by noting that the dominant model for business management was predicated and based on the financial bottom line . Nothing matter but that which improved the bottom line . There was no concern for the goods or products being produced ; there was no concern for the workers involved or what the customers truly wanted . A company 's goal was to produce its product at the lowest possible cost . Peters and Waterman found a blind acceptance of the bottom line as the only truth . But this model , called by some the " rational model " made people , both employees of the company and customers , part of the equation and , because it was an equation , there was no room for creativity and innovation . Management in the more traditional companies stayed away in their corporate offices , relying on analytical reports to give them a sense of the direction of the company . What Peters and Waterman concluded was that successful companies did things just a bit differently . Such companies did not put a heavy reliance on analytical tools but understood that you had to understand what was happening . The bottom line on a financial picture can tell you one thing but it cannot tell you what is happening at that moment in the factory , the workplace , or the marketplace . Management in successful companies was accomplished by wandering around , seeing what was happening . By the way , how was it that Jesus conducted his ministry throughout the Galilee ? Successful companies focused on the needs of the customer and listened to the employees ; they gave the employees the freedom to experiment , to be creative and innovative . It was pointed out that people in the successful companies were encouraged to develop new ideas and try them out without fear of failure . People in traditional companies who sought to do the same were often discouraged from doing so , to the point of perhaps being fired . When the NSTA group looked at what were considered exemplary and innovative programs in science education , they came away with many of the same conclusions . It was the teachers in the classroom who created the successful and exemplary classes , not the management or administration . Innovation and creativity come from the bottom up and the bottom line is a lousy way to measure productivity . I recall one instance where a school administration told the creator of one of the innovative chemistry programs that she had to have been doing something wrong because all of the students in that particular school wanted to take chemistry classes and it was the administration 's view that only about 10 % of the students were capable of taking chemistry . Now , some thirty years after these studies , I have to wonder if we learned any lessons from them , both in business and education . A number of years ago I had the opportunity to attend a seminar on Total Quality Management ( see " To Search For Excellence " ) . As I wrote then , about half - way through the three - day seminar I began to experience a sense of deja vu . In the end , the only thing that I learned was that I already knew most of the points that were being presented because they were the driving points behind what my father did as an industrial engineer for the United States Air Force , McDonnell Aircraft ( before the merger with Douglas Aircraft ) and RCA . All that TQM did was take time and motion study and give it a new name . And for the record , this seminar was sponsored by the United Methodist Church . I am not entirely certain that what Peters and Waterman laid out before us has ever accepted . It seems to me that we still place an overbearing reliance on that traditional model , that if big is better , becoming bigger is even better . In the time since that book was first published , we have seen company after company get bigger , not by work , but by buying other companies . And the American people have accepted that idea that low cost is better than quality . We see in the products we buy ; we have pushed the idea in our schools . And I fear that today , with regards to Christianity and the church , we may be doing the same thing . One of the things that prompted me to title this message as I did was the beginning portion of the conversation James and John had with Jesus that day some two thousand years ago . What does it say about your work when you are more interested in the power of the position than the outcome ? How many times in our own churches have we heard such a discussion ? How many times have we seen a church destroy itself internally because of similar power struggles ? A recent survey by the Pew Institute indicates that 1 in 5 Americans today no longer claims any religious affiliation . This doesn 't mean that they no longer believe in Christ or God but rather they can find no place where they feel it possible to express their beliefs . What they very well may see in churches today is not the church that was but an extension of the world around them . Those who disavow religion are not necessarily forsaking Christ but they want to know how to deal with the world and they believe that Christ will offer them the answer . But if the church , in general , by denomination , or by building , is no different that the world , how will they find the answer ? I know that there are others like me who see a church that has forgotten what path it is supposed to be walking . There are many out there , laity and clergy , who feel that the present plans and thoughts of the United Methodist Church miss the point and lead down the wrong path . Like me , they are committed to returning the church , both in general and for the United Methodist Church in particular , to a path that leads to the Cross and beyond . Perhaps we are disturbers of the peace that don 't fit well into the traditional model of how things work but then again neither were the prophets of the Old Testament and John the Baptist . They raised their voices , they cried out in the wilderness and in the cities for the people to repent and change one 's ways . I think about what a blogging colleague of mine , John Meunier , wrote about John Wesley a few weeks back . John is a local pastor out in Indiana and a business communication instructor at Indiana University . We will probably come to a major disagreement of some sort when the Iowa Hawkeyes soundly defeat the Indiana Hoosiers in football on November 3rd but not about Methodism in general . He wrote , Methodism began because a group of college kids obsessed with holiness of heart and life discovered that such holiness was a gift of grace by faith in the saving work of Christ . They called it justification by faith and they preached it to everyone who would listen and to those who would not listen . Thrown out of pulpits , they preached it in the fields . It was a movement grounded in spiritual disciplines and convinced that holy living included and required following the moral law of God . As it gathered people , it created new disciplines to help the people grow in grace . They held each other accountable in love for progress toward perfection in love . This was the growth that Wesley cultivated , growth in holiness . He would gut the membership of a society if he thought that was required to increase the holiness of the members who remained . This is what he meant by discipline . In our 21st century context , we do cultivate independence , as the IOT report says . We cultivate independence from our own tradition and our vows of ordination . We cultivate independence from the doctrine of our own denomination . We cultivate independence from our own connection . Our solution , paradoxically , is to solve our decline by skipping over matters of doctrine and spirit and focusing solely on matters of discipline - but only for certain segments of the connection . Much of what the Call to Action seeks to do is worthy , but the initiative has missed the words that it has quoted in its own support . If we seek not just the form of religion but its power , we need to grasp hold again of the doctrine , spirit , and discipline of our movement . One out of three will not do it , I fear . ( From John Meunier 's " The final word from the IOT " ) I fear that what has caused our numbers to drop and what has caused people in general to say that they have no religious affiliation is not a lack of belief but an indication that churches today no longer focus on the primary mission of the church . They have become way too concerned about other things , things expressed by the bottom line on a financial statement . Perhaps the one thing that the Peters and Waterman study showed was that when you put people first , you succeed . And if the United Methodist Church is not in the people business , then I don 't know what its business is . The church , be it in general , by denomination , or by individual building , should be concerned about the people and not just the people who come on Sunday and sit in the pews . It is the people who are outside the sanctuary walls , the hungry , the homeless , the sick , and the oppressed . Those where the people Jesus came to minister to ; those where the ones that Wesley and the other early Methodists reached out when the church ignored and cast them out . I again turn to John Wesley 's words , words that he spoke about what Christianity should be doing . And I again give thanks to John Meunier for putting them on his blog . John Meunier wrote , " In his sermon " Causes of the Inefficacy of Christianity " Wesley put the issue in plain terms : Many of your brethren , beloved of God , have not food to eat ; they have not raiment to put on ; they have not a place where to lay their head . And why are they thus distressed ? Because you impiously , unjustly , and cruelly detain from them what your Master and theirs lodges in your hands on purpose to supply their wants ! See that poor member of Christ , pinched with hunger , shivering with cold , half naked ! Meantime you have plenty of this world 's goods , - of meat , drink , and apparel . In the name of God , what are you doing ? Do you neither fear God , nor regard man ? How much more would Wesley be horrified by us than he was by them ? In practical terms , Methodists abandoned the tradition with regard to the use of money before John Wesley was laid to his rest . And we 've gone on abandoning him on this point ever since . ( From John Meunier 's " What is a Methodist ? " So I return to the title of this message and ask how we will find excellence in the church today ? Let us look again at what Jesus said to James , John , and the other disciples in the Gospel reading for today , if you want the power that comes in God 's Kingdom , you have to get your hands dirty . You have to go out and serve those whom you would lead . And if you are not willing to do that in some way , then be prepared to be left behind . There are many interpretations of God 's monologue with Job in today 's Old Testament reading . Some will say that the God who spoke to Job and his friends was an angry God , reminding each and everyone of them of His power . For these individuals , God was reminding everyone that He is superior to all and that everyone needed to know it . In this vein , those who dare to challenge God are to be put into their place . I have heard this type of response before , from management who feel that they know my subject better than me and that my ideas are meaningless and worthless . For the past five years I have served as the registrar for the New York / Connecticut District Lay Speaking , now Lay Servant , Committee . We have discovered that this position , which I essentially invented , may very well be the only such position in the entire United Methodist Church . Others are discovering that such a position is needed as we make the changes in the lay servant ministry . The other day someone high in the conference administration told the individual who took on my job as the registrar that he had a better program for monitoring the work of lay speakers . That 's great but how does he know that his program or method is better than mine when he never discussed it with me ? If we understand that what God is doing in this case is responding to the request of Job , then we have a better understanding of what is happening . God 's Words are not words of anger but words of revelation . In His words to Job and Job 's friends , God opens up the world for us to see it in all of its glory . Instead of fear , we are to stand in awe . For me , this monologue is also a statement that God is here , right now , in this place at this time , and if we cannot see Him , it is because we have forgotten who God is and what He looks like . We have become so hung up on the trappings of the church that we have forgotten why we are here in the first place . People do not come to church because of a number at the bottom of a column on a budget ; they come to church because they seek God . They have heard of the great things God has done ; they want to experience those great things as we have . They have heard the message that Jesus offers hope to the downtrodden and they seek that hope . And yet , too many times , they are rejected by the people of the church . The passage from Hebrews that we read this morning reminds us that the church of Jesus ' time put layers between the people and God but that through Jesus ' sacrifice , those layers were removed . Can we truly say that anyone walking through the doors of this or any church are able to gain access to Christ or are we more worried about the way they look or act ? I began by noting that each one of us came to this time and place by a variety of paths , some that we choose , some that others choose for us . There was another path that I choose to walk , the path that lead me to Christ . My decision to seek Christ , as is everyone 's decision , was an individual one . The path that we walk to and with Christ is one that we will always walk alone , though others may be on the same path as each of us . Yes , part of my journey on that path was not by choice . It was my mother who insisted that I , along with my brothers and sister , be in Sunday School and church every Sunday , no matter where we might be or live . With my father as an Air Force officer , we moved from base to base on an almost yearly basis when I was in grade school . It was not easy finding a church but we did and my mother made sure that we were in Sunday School and church every Sunday . She laid out the first parts of the path that I was to walk and she showed me the direction but it was a path that only I could walk . And when I made the decision to continue walking on that path , I was able to do so because 1st Evangelical United Brethren Church , now 1st United Methodist Church , of Aurora , Colorado was there . There are others who wish to walk this path to Christ . But can they find that way station , that place of rest and hope that will help them find the way on their own journey ? The measure of excellence in the church today is how well each church responds to the needs of those in its community , to find the path to Christ and to continue the journey in Christ . Each church must look at where it is , both spiritually and physically , and ask itself how can we help those in this community begin that walk to and with Christ ? The search for excellence in the church today is a search for Christ . It is also a part of our lives as Christians to seek the perfection that is Christ . We must be prepared to help others find Christ and we must find ways to seek the excellence that is Christ . The challenge that each church faces today is to find those areas of excellence , the place where our gifts and our talents shine , and see how best they can be used to help others find Christ . The invitation today is to open your heart and allow Christ to come in . Perhaps you are searching for Christ , now is the time to see Him right here . And perhaps like so many others you are seeking answers , much like Job . Now is the time to hear the answers to your questions . Or perhaps you are looking for ways in which you can help others to answer the questions that so often perplexed you . Now is the time to allow the Holy Spirit to come into your life , warm your heart as it did John Wesley 's heart that night in the Aldersgate Chapel so that when you leave this place , you leave on a new path , committed to the excellence that is Christ . Caves are very interesting places . For early mankind , caves offered shelter from the weather . During times of trouble , caves offered places to hide . Many a prophet hid in caves when the people got angry . The Dead Sea Scrolls were found in caves . Even today , they serve as places of entertainment . One thing that used to dominate the countryside , especially in this part of the county , were barns painted with advertising to come and view Meramec Caverns outside St . Louis . I am sure that many of you have seen such advertising . If you have never taken a tour of a cave , you should . And inevitably , during the tour , after you have gone deep into the passages , the tour guide will have everyone stop and then he ( or she ) will turn off the lights . When that happens , you begin to get the feeling of what it is to be blind . Nothing else comes close . Even at night time , with no moon , there is still enough light to allow us to see . In a cave with no added lights , the statement " so dark you cannot see your hand in front of your face " comes true . Now as he was going along and approaching Damascus , suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him . He fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to him , " Saul , Saul , why do you persecute me ? " He asked , " Who are you , Lord ? " The reply came , " I am Jesus , whom you are persecuting . But get up and enter the city , and you will be told what you are to do . " The men who were traveling with him stood speechless because they heard the voice but saw no one . Saul got up from the ground , and though his eyes were open , he could see nothing ; so they led him by the hand and brought him into Damascus . For three days he was without sight , and neither ate nor drank . ( Acts 9 : 3 - 9 ) The fortunate thing for Paul is that the blindness he suffered on the road to Damascus and the darkness we are surrounded by when we are in the caves is only temporary . Even while he struggled with his blindness , Paul knew that the God would take care of him . We know that the lights will come back on inside the cave . Still , the thought of becoming blind is very frightening . Even in today 's enlighten times , it is hard for us to realize the limitations that society placed on the blind . During the 17 and 1800 's , the blind were often institutionalized . For others , though , blindness is not so temporary . It was perhaps even worse during Jesus ' time . The blind were looked upon with pity and sorrow for it was felt that , in someway , their blindness was due to some sin in their life . And if the person was born blind , as was the case of the individual in the passage we read in John , the sins were assumed to have been those of his parents . Against the background of blindness and an indifferent society , the author of the three hymns we sing today , Fanny Crosby , triumphed . Most people are probably aware of the many traditional Methodist hymns written by Charles Wesley , John Wesley 's brother . However , I am sure that not many people are aware that over 1000 hymns Christians sing today were written by Fanny Crosby . She was born in 1820 and died in 1915 , living most of her life in the New York area . And from the sixth week of her life , she was blind . The notes that accompany the United Methodist Hymnal point out that she spent most of her adult life working with other blind people and , of course , writing those wonderful hymns that we turn to in times of trouble and in times of joy . " As he walked along , he saw a man blind from birth . His disciples asked him , " Rabbi , who sinned , this man or his parents , that he was born blind ? " Jesus answered , Neither this man nor his parents sinned , he was born blind so that God 's works might be revealed in him . We must work the works of him who sent me while it is day ; night is coming when no one can work . As long as I am in the world , I am the light of the world . " ( John 9 : 1 - 5 ) Today , as we begin looking to the coming new century , we hear a lot of talk about our country 's lack of vision . But why should we be surprised by our country 's lack of vision . What Abraham Lincoln said some one hundred and thirty years ago is still true today . Governments are of , by , and from the people . If the people are lost and confused , the government will be likewise . If the people do not have a vision of what they expect for the future , how can we expect the country to know where it is going ? If the government is to have a firm sense of direction for the coming years , that direction must come from us , both as individuals and as the church . Today is Laity Sunday . This is the day we honor all those who have worked for the church during the past year . It is also an opportunity to look at how we , the members of the church , can work for the betterment of the the church and society . I do not think that it is a coincidence that our observation of Laity Sunday comes at the same time as our national elections or the meeting of the Nominations Committee of the local church . This is the time when we set the direction we want our church and our country to take . Yet , at least on the national level , this direction is very , very confusing . The tone of most political commercials today seems to be how bad the opponent will be for the country . During the last two presidential campaigns , there were a number of complaints about the negative nature of the advertising . It does not appear that much has changed in the past two years . I heard a political advertisement the other day as I was driving to Tulsa . In this commercial , the challenger stated that his opponent was out of touch with Oklahoma and then he went through all the bad things the opponent had done . For this candidate , the solution to the problem was for the voters of Oklahoma to vote for him . Yet , this challenger never did say what it was that he would do if he were elected . Kansas political ads appear to be no different . But our political campaigns are merely a reflection of the way we have allowed our nation . Whether it is in politics or just everyday living , the majority in this country willingly let others tell them how to act , what to wear , and how to think . At the time when the world is at peace , when the Glory of God should be shining through , we have lost our direction . We stand at the brink of the greatest time of our lives and our direction is set by others , not by God . We are like the Israelites standing before the Promised Land . We struggled for many years to reach this point and now we wait for the final report . In the case of the Israelites , it was a matter of sending in twelve spies , one from each of the tribes of Israel . You would have thought that , considering the time in the wilderness and all the difficulties that trip had to overcome , the people would have been overjoyed . Yet what did the spies report : " We are not able to go up against this people , for they are stronger than we . " So they brought to the Israelites an unfavorable report of the land that they had spied out , saying , " The land that we have gone through as spies is a land that devours its inhabitants ; and all the people that we saw in it are of great size . There we saw the Nephilim ( the Anakites come from the Nephilim ) ; and to ourselves we seemed like grasshoppers , and so we seemed to them . " ( Numbers 13 : 31 - 33 ) " Would that we have died in the land of Egypt ! Or would that we had died in this wilderness ! Why is the Lord bringing us into this land to fall by the sword ? Our wives and our little ones will become booty ; would it not be better for us to go back to Egypt ? " ( Numbers 14 : 2 - 3 ) Every time during the Exodus when the Israelites ran into trouble , they cried out how Moses and Aaron had failed them and that they were going to die in the wilderness . Faced with the difficulties of traveling and living in the wilderness , knowing that the Promised Land was just inches away , the Israelites would have rather turned around and returned to the seemingly comfortable life of slavery in Egypt . Are we not like that today ? Isn 't it much easier for us to complain about the present situation than to work towards improving our lot ? The turmoil in our lives today is directly related to the fact that we , both as a nation and individually , have lost our commitment to God . We have forgotten that with God , all things are possible . We no longer put God first in our lives and , as a result , have lost our spiritual direction . Like the Pharisees , we have become blind to the troubles of the world . In a world split by race , creed , and economic status , we see the problems these differences cause but we want others to solve them . Even though He has repeatedly told us that he would provide , we no longer have faith that God will do so . It is admittedly not an easy task . But it was their faith in God that enabled the Israelites to leave slavery in Egypt and make the trip to the Promised Land in the first place . It was their faith in God that enabled them to conquer that land . Despite the negative report from ten of the spies , not all of the Israelites had lost their faith in God . Joshua and Caleb offered a different opinion of what was in the Promised Land . And Joshua son of Nun and Caleb son of Jephunneh , who were among those who spied out the land , tore their clothes and said to all the congregation of the Israelites , " The land that we went through as spies is an exceedingly good land . If the Lord is pleased with us , he will bring us into this land and give it to us , a land that flows with milk and honey . Only , do not rebel against the Lord ; and do not fear the people of the land , for they are no more than bread for us ; their protection is removed from them , and the Lord is with us ; do not fear them . " But the whole congregation threatened to stone them . ( Numbers 14 : 6 - 10 ) Joshua and Caleb put their faith in the Lord and were rewarded for their faith . When the Israelites reached the Promised Land after spending the extra time wandering , only Joshua and Caleb were still alive to enjoy the fruits of the Promised Land . Those who had lost their faith had died during the extra years in the wilderness . It is the same for us . In these times of trial , all we have to do is return to God . As James wrote " If you want to know what God wants you to do , ask him , and he will gladly tell you , for he is always ready to give a bountiful supply of wisdom to all who ask him ; he will not resent it . But when you ask him , be sure that you really expect him to tell you , for a doubtful mind will be as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind ; and every decision you then make will be uncertain , as you turn first this way , and then that . If you don 't ask with faith , don 't expect the Lord to give you any solid answer . " ( James 1 : 5 - 8 ) When God sent the Israelites out of Egypt , he did not do so without providing them instruction . Even as they began that journey from the certain and safe surroundings of Egypt into the unknown wilderness they called the Promised Land , they still knew that it was God who guiding them . The Lord went in front of them in a pillar of cloud by day , of fire by night , to give them light , so that they might travel by day and by night . Neither the pillar of cloud by day nor the pillar of fire by night left its place in front of the people . ( Exodus 13 : 17 - 22 ) I have painted an admittedly dark picture of our and this country 's future . Yet , the pillar of fire which accompanied the Israelites by night and the pillar of cloud which accompanied them by day is still present today . Remember what Jesus said to his disciples in the passage from John , " As long as I am in the world , I am the light of the world . " ( John 9 : 1 - 5 ) " Therefore , having this ministry by the mercy of God , we do not lose heart . We have renounced disgraceful , underhanded ways ; we refuse to practice cunning or to tamper with God 's word , but by the open statement of the truth we would commend ourselves to every man 's conscience in the sight of god . And even if our gospel is veiled , it is only veiled to those who are perishing . In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers , to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ , who is the likeness of god . For what we preach is not ourselves , but Jesus Christ as Lord , with ourselves as your servants for Jesus ' sake . For it is the God who said , " Let light shine out of darkness , " who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ " . ( 2 Corinthians 4 : 1 - 6 ) The light that shines in the darkness today is Jesus Christ , our Savior . It is that light which can guide each one of us . When we accept Jesus Christ as our personal Savior , we will be like Saul regaining his sight and becoming Paul . So Ananias went and entered the house . He laid his hands on Saul and said , " Brother Saul , the Lord Jesus , who has appeared to you on your way here , has sent me so that you may regain your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit . " And immediately something like scales fell from his eyes , and his sight was restored . Then he got up and was baptized , and after taking some food , he regained his strength . ( Acts 9 : 17 - 19 ) We are entering a world which is becoming increasingly dark and forbidding . We , you and I , must make a choice . We can live our lives in the total darkness of sin or we can live our lives in the light of the salvation of Jesus Christ . The question is ours to answer " Do you see the Light ? " I wasn 't supposed to give the message this year . Though it was only October , I knew that I would be moving to Kansas after the current school year was completed and I wanted to begin a transition from " leader " to " observer " . I had organized the previous two Laity Sunday services and felt that others should begin getting involved . But on the Saturday afternoon before this Sunday , the person scheduled to give the message called and told me he was unable to be in church on Sunday and I would need to fill in . As this was early in my career , I wasn 't quite ready to do so but when you are a lay speaker you have said that you would answer the call when it is made and that is what I did . Because of the time frame of preparation , I liberally borrowed from messages I had given elsewhere figuring that no one present at Grace had been present at the places in Missouri and Tennessee where I had preached earlier . Unfortunately I forgot that one of those messages had been videotaped and I had shared that tape with some of the congregation . J One of the churches where I have been a member is large enough to have a senior pastor and an associate pastor . During the Sunday worship , the associate pastor takes care of the lectionary readings , the prayers of the congregation , and the offering . There is also a youth minister to take care of the " Children 's Moment " . This leaves the senior pastor to concentrate on the sermon . At this church it is the custom for the children , following the " Children 's Moment " , to go to another area of the church where they have a Children 's service . One Sunday , as one young girl walked by the pulpit , she looked at the senior pastor and asked " What do you do ? " For you see , every Sunday this child saw the associate pastor lead the congregation in prayer and other activities . She would go up to the altar to be with the Youth Minister for the " Children 's Moment " . But all she saw the other man do was sit in his chair because she , along with the other children , left before he preached . In answer to her question , the senior pastor did the " Children 's Moment " the next week . " What do you do " has been a question for the church for a number of years . As we look at the world around us today , we have to ask ourselves " What do we do to change the direction of the world from its path of sin and desolation ? " What do we do when society around us is intolerant of poverty and shows no concern for its less fortunate members ? These questions are not unique to our generation ; they have been with us since Jesus began His ministry . John Wesley struggled with these questions for many years . He could not sit idly by and watch his church ignore the plight and conditions of the lower classes . In an exchange with Joseph Butler , the Bishop of Bristol , Wesley made it clear what he felt he must do . John Wesley - " My lord , my business on earth is to do what good I can . Wherever therefore I think I can do most good , there must I stay so long as I think so . At present I think I can do the most good here . Therefore here I stay . " ( Frank Baker , " John Wesley and Bishop Butler : A Fragment of John Wesley 's Manuscript Journal " , 16th to 24th August , 1739 . ) John Wesley understood that a church and a nation which ignores members of its society can never expect worldly success , let alone success in Heaven . Having accepted Christ as one 's personal Savior , you could not sit back and wait for the Glory of the Lord to come to you . You had to take the message of the Gospel out into the world , both in thought , word and deed . To the elders of the Church of England , this call for action was unconscionable . How dare a pastor call for such radical action . This was a time when more and more people were getting wealthy every day so it was permissible to ignore those few who were not quite so fortunate . Remember poverty in Wesley 's time was thought to be a reflection of one 's sinful life . If you were rich , it was because you had lead a good life . If you were poor , it was because you were not living the right kind of life . It wasn 't the church 's fault that people were homeless and hungry ; that medical care for the lower classes was almost non - existent ; that only the rich could afford to go to school . Wesley would have felt right at home in the United States these last few years when concern for one 's own well - being was more important than a concern for members of society . John Wesley understood that the church must present a message people understand . But the message must also be accompanied by actions . To Wesley , preaching the Gospel was more than a Sunday experience ; it was a daily occurrence . Preaching the Gospel alone is not enough when people are hungry , homeless , or suppressed by an indifferent society ; you must help people overcome such barriers . If people are hungry , they must be feed ; if people are sick , they must be healed ; if the people seek to improve their lives through education , there need to be schools . If the church is to be a vital and living part of the community today , it must offer the hope and promise of the Gospel message to all who seek it . Yet , instead of supporting the work of Wesley and his followers , people in the Church of England barred them from preaching in the churches . Yet this did not stop the Methodist Revival . Wesley and the other early Methodist ministers simply began to preach wherever they could find the space . If that meant preaching in fields , then they preached in the fields . When conditions cry for revolution , there will be a revolution . Many historians have looked at the conditions in England , both economic and social , and wondered why England did not undergo a violent revolution like that of France at much the same time . The difference between the revolution in England and the revolution in France can be attributed to the nature of the Methodist revival . Wesley and the early members of the Methodist Revival , by working to bring the Gospel to the people of England and changing the conditions of society , removed the threat of a violent revolution . It was the same for Jesus . There was a need for a revolution in his country . Not the political revolution many people sought but a spiritual revolution . For people no longer heard a message of a Loving Father who cared for His children . Many people at that time probably did not even know that their God cared for them . The rules and regulations of the church made it impossible for them to do so . It wasn 't that they had left their religion but that their religion had left them . The message they did hear held no promise or hope . As Paul wrote in his 2nd letter to the Corinthians , " He ( speaking of Jesus ) is the one who has helped us tell others about his new agreement to save them . We do not tell them that they must obey every law of God or die ; but we tell them there is life for them for the Holy Spirit . The old way , trying to be saved by keeping the Ten Commandments , ends in death ; in the new way , the Holy Spirit gives them life . ( 2 Corinthians 3 : 6 ) The same thing is true today . The world is crying for a spiritual revolution . People are leaving the church today because they see a church which no longer cares about them and is indifferent to the needs of society . Today churches are seeking ways to bring back that generation we call the " baby boomers " . And , whatever actions are taken , they must be taken quickly because we could lose the next two generations , the " baby busters " and the children of the baby boomers . The church 's actions must reflect its mission . Such actions must also reflect the genuine compassion that Jesus felt for those who sought Him . Elton Trueblood offers the following thought : " Because we cannot reasonably expect to erect a constantly expanding structure of social activism upon a constantly diminishing foundation of faith , attention to the cultivation of the inner life is our first order of business , even in a period of rapid social change . The Church , if it is to affect the world , must become a center from which new spiritual power emanates . While the Church must be secular in the sense that it operates in the world , if it is only secular it will not have the desired effect upon the secular order which it is called upon to penetrate . With no diminution of concern for people , we can and must give new attention to the production of a trustworthy religious experience . " ( From The New Man for Our Time by Elton Trueblood ) When Jesus began to preach the Gospel , the message He gave was for everyone , not just a select few . Jesus never turned away anyone who sought His ministry . His ministry was open to all who sought Him . Jesus took his ministry to the people so that the people could come to Him . And Jesus went away from there and withdrew to the district of Tyre and Sidon . And behold , a Canaanite woman from that region came out and cried , " Have mercy on me , O Lord , Son of David ; my daughter is severely possessed by a demon . " And he did not answer her a word . And his disciples came and begged him , saying , " Sending her away , for she is crying after us . " He answered , " I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel . " But she came and knelt before him , saying , " Lord , help me " . And he answered , " It is not fair to take the children 's bread and throw it to the dogs " . She said , " Yes , Lord : yet even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master 's table . " Then Jesus answered her , " O woman , great is your faith ! Be it done for you as you desire . " An her daughter was healed instantly . And Jesus went on from there and passed along the Sea of Galilee . and he went up on the mountain , and sat down there . And great crowds came to him , bringing with them the lame , the maimed , the blind , the dumb , and many others , and they put them at his feet , and he healed them , so that the throng wondered , when they saw the dumb speaking , the maimed whole , the lame walking , and the blind seeing ; and they glorified the God of Israel . " ( Matthew 15 : 21 - 31 ) The salvation we gain by accepting Jesus Christ as our Savior is not a two - way path . There is no way for us to gain salvation without going to Jesus Christ . But , if people are to come to Jesus , there must be a path available . Consider the desire of people who truly want to come to Jesus . In Mark 2 we read " And when he returned to Capernaum after some days , it was reported that he was at home . And many were gathered together , so that there was no longer room for them , not even about the door ; and he was preaching the word to them . And they came , bringing to him a paralytic carried by four men . And when they could not get near him because of the crowd , they removed the roof above him ; and when they had made an opening , they let down the pallet on which the paralytic lay . " ( Mark 2 : 1 - 4 ) This man and his friends did what it took to get to Jesus . But not all people have such capability . If the path to Jesus is blocked , the people will turn away . Every time we look around today , we see more reasons why the Church should be a part of society . Today , numerous studies tell churches how to revitalize their congregations , how to bring life back into dying congregations . Every time , the same answer comes through back . It is the members of the congregation which must do the work . That is what today is about . Laity Sunday honors the work of all those who do the work of the church . It also points out the role the laity has in bringing the Gospel message to the world . Today Jesus is calling you . He is asking you to be a part of His community ; to do His work . What will you do ? Samuel heard God calling him and answered " Here I am Lord . " The disciples dropped what they were doing when asked by Jesus to follow Him . Paul did not want to become the missionary to the world ; he wanted to put a stop to the mission of Jesus . As Saul , he saw Jesus and his followers as a threat to a way of life . Yet , after encountering the Holy Spirit on the road to Damascus , Paul understood what a life in Jesus Christ meant . " Therefore , having this ministry by the mercy of God , we do not lose heart . We have renounced disgraceful , underhanded ways ; we refuse to practice cunning or to tamper with God 's word , but by the open statement of the truth we would commend ourselves to every man 's conscience in the sight of god . And even if our gospel is veiled , it is only veiled to those who are perishing . In their case the god of this world ( meaning Satan ) has blinded the minds of the unbelievers , to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ , who is the likeness of god . For what we preach is not ourselves , but Jesus Christ as Lord , with ourselves as your servants for Jesus ' sake . For it is the God who said , " Let light shine out of darkness , " who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ " . ( 2 Corinthians 4 : 1 - 6 ) Posted on October 16 , 2011 by DrTony 2 Here are my thoughts for the 19th Sunday after Pentecost , 16 October 2011 . The Scriptures this Sunday are Exodus 33 : 12 - 23 , 1 Thessalonians 1 - 10 , and Matthew 22 : 15 - 22 . . It is also Laity Sunday and I will be at Dover Plains UMC ; the service starts at 11 and you are welcome to attend . I have edited this since it was first posted . As I was preparing a report , I noticed that I had this piece listed as the 18th Sunday after Pentecost when it was actually the 19th Sunday . Yes , I know the title of my message is more attuned to what transpires in the Gospel of John following the resurrection ( John 21 : 1 - 19 ) than any of the readings for today . But in one sense , what Jesus asks Peter to do in that passage very specifically relates to what this day , Laity Sunday , is and should be about . So bear with me as we look at the three readings for today . Let us first begin by remembering what this part of the country looked like some two hundred and sixty years ago . Route 9 from New York northward was , if I am not mistaken , first called the Albany Post Road and so it would have been the major land route north out of New York City . I would suspect that Route 22 would have been here , though obviously not paved . It would have been a well - worn path coming up from New York City . And when you look at the churches between Cold Spring and Carmel along NY Route 301 , you know that there had to be a path there as well . Those who had come to the shores of this country came seeking a new life , hoping that their future here held more promise than their lives in the old world ever would . Perhaps they came escaping an unpleasant past and / or present and just wanted the chance to start over . Others perhaps just wanted to start anew and fresh . Settlers to this part of New York would have followed these early land routes as well as sailing up the Hudson to find a place to live and begin their new life in this wondrous new world . Those who came to this new world knew that there was nothing here ; nothing , at least , in terms of what they left behind in the old country . There were no towns ; there were no schools ; there were no churches . All that was once part of their life was left behind in the search for a new life in the new world . So this new life required that you find a place to build a home and as people came you began to build a town , a school , and a church ( especially when you came to this country to escape religious persecution in the old country ) . You built the school for the future of your community , though I sometimes think that we have forgotten that . And in many towns , especially in the mid - west , you know that the town is dying when the school closes or consolidates with another school . Churches were and are an integral part of any town 's community . It is about having a place where one 's soul can be refreshed ; it was about having a place where their souls could be feed . You built a church to give one 's soul a chance to recharge ( and I will say that I know we have forgotten that ) . There is a great sadness in many communities across this country , not necessarily in the rural areas , when a church has to close its doors . In those early days of this country , it wasn 't just a matter of building the schools or the churches ; it was also finding the teachers and the preachers . When you look at the history of higher education , you see that the first colleges and universities were directed towards the training of ministers ( which might surprise many of the alumni of those institutions ) . But those who were in school were not going to be in the pulpit for some time and the people were , if you will , very hungry . It was a hunger that John Wesley understood and one he struggled to fill . His problem was that the Church of England was not willing to send ministers from England to lead the congregations that had aligned themselves with Wesley 's Methodist Revival . And Wesley was reluctant to appoint / ordain anyone . Ultimately , John Wesley will appoint individuals to lead the new Methodist congregations in this country . But , " The rise of American Methodism is largely the story of self - motivated laypeople whose experience of God 's redeeming grace compelled them to preach and organize societies , which later were linked together to form the earliest connection … " ( From " That Dear Man of God : " Edward Evans and the Origins of American Methodism as quoted on http : / / www . methodist - motion . org / id43 . html ) From the laity came the first circuit riders , those individuals ( not always men ) who traveled from location to location bringing the Word to the people . When one looks at the churches in this region of the Hudson Valley where we live , we see the sites and locations where they visited and preached . But it does not matter whether we are talking about America in the early 18th century or America in the present time . People still feel the need to feed the hunger in the soul ; they still need a place where they may find rest and comfort from their labors . And perhaps more so today than 250 years ago , they need to know that there is a reason for what is happening in this world . In a world of anger , hatred , violence , and war , they need to hear that there is an answer and it is not the answer of more anger , more hatred , more violence or more war . And the church is as guilty of this as any other societal institution . Instead of being the place where we can find rest and comfort , it is another societal institution demanding our time and energy . We have forgotten what the church is and was about . There is a balance between what we do for the church and what we do for God . It has become more of a social thing where we worry about paying the bills or the color of the carpet or when to have the next fund - raiser . If we were more in terms of what the Thessalonian church was doing , then the societal issues would be easily resolved . If the church today were more focused on providing that which the people truly need , then many of the issues that so dominate this world would probably disappear . The cynic and the skeptic will tell me that this is all well and good but the church has to pay the bills or it cannot do the work . But people don 't talk about the church that pays its bills ; they talk and they visit the church that welcomes them as Christ welcomed us . They talk and visit churches where the spirit of the Lord is alive and present in the thoughts , words , deeds , and actions of the members of the church . And I , unfortunately , know from my own experience that visitors to the church don 't want to hear about the financial problems of the church or the need to get involved in the next big church project / fund raiser . Most of those words were written this past Wednesday afternoon . That evening , I received Dan Dick 's post . Hear what Reverend Dick wrote about the United Methodist Church in general , As I prepare for General Conference I am reminded again that there are two churches in today 's United Methodism : one that is concerned with its own survival and existence that will spend exorbitant amounts of money to justify its own existence and a much smaller church that wants to serve God and Jesus Christ in the world . One is concerned with numbers ; the other is concerned with lives . One is concerned with image ; the other is concerned with integrity . One is concerned with power and control , the other with justice and service . We stand at a crossroads . We need to make a choice . Will we sell out to a lesser vision of church as social institution or will we rise up to BE the body of Christ ? It begins with discipleship - and if our leaders are going to make this rich and wonderful concept meaningless , we are in deep , deep trouble . There are many challenges facing the church , be it the church in general , a specific denomination or a specific church . The competition between Caesar and God will not be won by condemning Caesar nor will it be accomplished by making God the new Caesar . It will not be accomplished by marketing the church or finding ways to make the church seem like it is part of society . I used that song as part of the basis for a sermon a couple of years ago ( see " A Rock and Roll Revival " ) and in preparing that sermon I found that the lyrics for a 60s rock and roll song came from an early 19th century Methodist preacher . More importantly , it was what Jorma Kaukonen , the lead singer for the Airplane on this song , said about singing passages from the Bible . For Kaukonen , such songs as this one have opened the door to the Scriptures for him . We cannot feed the sheep with platitudes and good wishes nor will they eat when all they receive from the church is rejection and hostility . Right now , I fear that too many churches have taken the attitude that the world outside the church should be left behind , never to be seen again . But what will you do when people find God in the world of rock and roll songs ? When Jesus told his questioners to render unto Caesar that which was Caesar 's and render unto God that which was God 's , he was telling them to put things in perspective and priority . God does come first , no matter how or where you find Him . The question is a simple one , " who will feed my sheep ? " Our task is to feed the sheep wherever they may be . The people did not come to the circuit rider ; the circuit rider came to the people . So who shall we call upon ? Moses asked God who was going to lead the people of Israel from Egypt to the Promised Land and God said that he , Moses , would . Not some highly trained preacher or minister but a simple shepherd . Of course there were no highly trained preachers or ministers back then ; there was just a group of people leaving a life of slavery and toil to return to the land of their ancestors , to return to a land of hope and promise . Moses would have Aaron , his brother , to help him but all the work would be done by the people . Top Posts " If Not Now , When ? If Not Me , Who ? " Brer Rabbit and the Briar Patch Describe Your Pastor The Chemistry of Bowling : A Short History of Bowling Balls , Lanes , Coatings , and Conditioners " John Wesley and Martin Luther " - a question for scholars Are We Ready For The Future ? A Child 's Book Report on the entire Bible . . . 60 Excuses for a Closed Mind Who Cuts the Barber 's Hair ? Are You Working For God ? Blogroll
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For example , Peter Pace wear watches a bath , watch the appearance of dirty , watchband length discomfort , bad environment , serious impact , will make the watch is easy to damage , shorten the Service life ¡ £ However , upon beginning to compile this information I realized that there was much more information in these interviews that I could use in my original book idea , yet I find this information to be still very interesting and valuable . Therefore , I 've decided to write not one , but two books using this information : my original idea and a compilation of the entire interviews - word for word in a question and answer format , just as was spoken by both myself ( the interviewer ) and the interviewee . This book will tentatively be entitled " Voices from Wisconsin , " since the small town I have chosen to conduct the interviews in is in Wisconsin . What follows is the tentative Prologue , to set the stage , so to speak , and one " chapter " from this manuscript . I hope you find this interview as interesting as I do . The Second World War had a profound impact on everyone it touched , whether those it touched actually fought in the war or held down the home - front . The citizens of the Waupun , Wisconsin area were no different . This is their story . The story of how the Second World War impacted a typical , small , mid - western American community . Why the Waupun area ? This area of the country was chosen simply because it is the town the author grew up in , it is a community he is familiar with . But it is also a community that readily represents many thousands of other rural , small American towns throughout the country . The following interviews are expressed , whenever possible , using the exact words and colloquialisms spoken by those who witnessed the accounts . As such , as is the prevailing custom , the author has chosen to insert ellipses whenever the interviewees halt their speech or leaves a sentence or phrase partially or wholly unfinished . Only slight alterations or additions have been made when in not doing so would have made it difficult for the reader to easily follow . These will appear , as is customary , in brackets . Short corroborational text inserted by the author , as deemed necessary , appears in parenthesis . Longer corroborational text will appear in footnotes . The interview questions and comments made by the author and other interviewers during the interviews will appear in bold . It should be noted that the average age of those interviewed is 86 . As with many types of interviews , there are times when memories are jogged , resulting in instances with an interviewee jumping ahead or backwards to fill in areas remembered . When this occurs , with an attempt to maintain unaltered as much of the interviewees ' spoken content as possible - although it is fully realized that this can tend to make it somewhat difficult to follow - the author chose to keep the contents as they were actually relayed instead of attempting to re - arranged their placement to a better location within the interview . For consistency , each person was asked a battery of very similar , pre - prepared questions ; one set of questions for those who were in the service during the war and one set of questions for those who held down the home - front - although at times one or more of these questions were altered , deleted , or added to on the spot according to the particular situation . The first few questions of each interview are meant to set the stage : who the individual is , their age , their parentage , their family , their schooling , and their life experiences before the war . The bulk of the rest of the questions are meant to deal with how the individuals heard about the Pearl Harbor attack , their reactions to the news of this attack , and their ultimate experiences in or during the war . The final questions are meant to summarize the interviewees ' lives after the war up to the present time - it is felt inappropriate to leave the reader wondering what happened to the interviewees after the war . Some questions and comments made during the interviews that do not pertain to the war or the subject of this book have been purposely omitted for relevancy . In closing , what is represented in these pages of interviews are the interviewees ' stories in their own words . It represents how they spoke during the interviews and what and how they remember experiencing and living their lives during the war years , with no apologies made nor intended to conform to the modern concept of political correctness . Any miss - quotes of the interviews or misspellings of personal or place names are solely the responsibility of the author , who humbly apologizes in advance for any such errors . Author 's note : I interviewed Walter Riel at the Union - Congregational Church in Waupun starting at 12 : 30 p . m . on 2 December 2005 . The interview lasted 30 . 28 minutes . At the time , Walter was 82 years old , very alert , and articulate . He also brought along written notes with which to refer . I know a lot of people born in the early twentieth century were not born in a hospital , but at home . Where and when were you born ? I was born in Waupun . In June 8th , ' 23 . Where did you go to school ? At Brandon . [ 1 ] We lived in the country until I was in about the sixth grade and then we moved to Brandon . And then I went to school there for a couple of years . I didn 't even finish the eighth grade of school . At that time my dad hired me to a farmer and says , " Get to work . " That 's the way it was in that era . What was growing up like for you ? Well , it was kind of tough . We lived in the country most of the time , no electric , no telephone , no newspapers . [ 2 ] It was during the depression , and things was rough . But we always had enough to eat . My mother was great at preserving things in those days . That 's when that big crock pots came about , you know . Preserving and canning , she 'd can everything she could get a hold of . So we always had something to eat along the way . Other than that , well , with a big family , there was always something going on , you know . I did lose a little sister . She was two years and eight days old . I was about eight or nine years old , something like that . Other than that , they all grew up . And of course I , like I said before there , when I was eleven years old , I had to work for a farmer in the summer time . Fifty cents a week . Dad took the fifty cents to help buy groceries , but I got my meals with it , then , see . I was leading the horse on a hay fork , and clean the horse barn , clean the cow barn , feed the chickens , stuff like that , for my neighbors . But it give me something to do . But I think all in all , the whole upbringing was … , helped to mold my life in later years . You learned to take care of yourself . Nothing was handed to me , see . So I guess it was a good way to manage . Your father was a farmer ? No . We was out in the country , though . But then , like I said , after I was thirteen years old , I had to work by the farmers until I was seventeen or something like that , or eighteen , then I went to the factory . It was a shoe factory . Then I went to the National Rivet , it was a defense factory . [ 3 ] I was working at the farmer 's at that time , right before the war . And the big wages at that time were $ 25 a month . Then , let 's see , I forget just what year it was I met my wife , or girlfriend at that time . And later on , I quit on the farm with the farmers and went to the shoe factory for , I don 't know , about nine months . And then I worked at the National Rivet . What was the name of the shoe factory ? Ideal Shoe Factory . It was right near the National Rivet , there . It use to be . It 's all gone [ now ] . What were you doing when you first heard that Pearl Harbor had been attacked , do you remember that ? Well , all I can remember is , I came home that night and my dad told me about it . I 'd been out on a date that night with my girlfriend . All we had was a battery radio , no electric where we was at . No newspapers . So I didn 't know anything was going on in the world , really . Just that we knew that there was a war someplace , but just not by us , you know . So it really didn 't shock me because I didn 't know what it was all about . I didn 't know what was happening in the world . See , we were just … , well Fond du Lac ( Wisconsin ) [ 4 ] was the furthest I ever got before I went into the service . I never got any further than that , so it was a small world we was living in . Did you have a car ? Yeah , I had a car . Well , when I was , let 's see , seventeen years old … , I had been working with the farmers since I was thirteen years old … , and of course , very seldom got home at all . When I met my wife through a cousin of mine when I was seventeen , I started dating , double dating , and the boss used to let me use his car . That was nice of him . That was in ' 39 and he had a ' 37 Chevy . It was quite a thing . Anyway , then I wanted a car and my dad wouldn 't let me have one . But I 'd looked at a couple of ' em . And it ended up that one day I was doing chores and the farmer came in the barn and said , " Wally , there 's someone here who wants to see you . " Here was a car dealer with a ' 31 model A , which I had looked at . Well , it was $ 75 , but that was three month 's wages , you know . I said , " Dad wouldn 't let me have one . " " Well , " [ the farmer says ] " do you like it " ? I said , " Yeah . " " Well , " he says , " I 'll buy it for you . " He gave it to me . That was pretty nice of him . The farmer did ? The farmer did . Then of course , I started dating my wife regularly . And we went together for two years before I went into service . Then I came home on leave thirteen months later and we got married . And she came with me . When did you get married ? Let 's see , we have been married sixty - … , you 've got me almost stumped here . Let 's see , it was ' 42 when I enlisted , ' 44 , January of ' 44 . See , I went into the service in December ' 42 . It was a year and thirteen months , or thirteen months later , I should say , when I got married . When did you decide to join the military ? Well , I can 't say a specific time , but then a buddy of mine from Randolph at that time , friends of my wife 's folks , their son , and we decided that we 'd be going in January anyway in the draft ' cause I was nineteen years old , see . And we decided , well , maybe we 'd like to join the Air Force and , " Yeah , that sure sounds good to me . " So that 's when we decided to go . So we went to Milwaukee and enlisted in the Air Force on December 7th and was inducted on the 9th of December ( 1942 ) . [ 5 ] Did they have a separate enlistment station than the Army or did you go to the Army enlistment … ? That I don 't even recall . All I know was that I went to Milwaukee . I mean there was not a man that come see us , we went to see him , see , because we knew we 'd have to go in a month or so anyway . So you actually learned how to use the teletype machine ? Right . And of course telephones are all together different than they are today . There you had to string a wire from one to the other to get communications . There wasn 't such a thing as wireless phones . But then when they landed on this one island , the first island that we landed on after the Marines , then the lieutenant says , " You 're gonna have to get these generators going . " Well then I said , " I don 't know anything about electricity . I never went to high school or anything like that . " He said , " I don 't either . " But , you see , they didn 't have an MOS for that , and that 's why it fell down to me . [ 7 ] Because I could string telephone wires , maybe I 'd have to string them too . I didn 't know what 110 or 220 [ amps were ] , but I sure got an education there . But that is how I learned , you know . And I had to take care of them ( the generators ) . And actually , my MOS only called for a corporal as the telephone operator and an installer . But because of what I was doing he saw to it that I got an extra rank , because he says , " You 're doing an awful good job , " he says , " you deserve one . " So he got me an extra rank , which was nice of him . Where did you go to school at ? Boot camp and your school ? My basic training was Atlantic City ( New Jersey ) . That was an Air Force training camp . Then they sent me to Camp Crowder , Missouri . That was a Signal Corps [ school ] . That 's where I said , " What am I doing here ? " Because I enlisted in the Air Force to be a mechanic . They says , " Quit your bitchin ' , " and handed me a wrench and a telephone poll . But that 's the way it happened at that time , see . And I tried to get out , but no way . And from there we … , after I go through with school , they assigned me to a Signal Corps , 930th Signal Corps in Gainesville , Florida . And there I tried to get out , go to the Air Force . " Tough ! " [ they said ] . Then we got up to maneuvers , up in Oregon , and a buddy of mine in headquarters says , " Well , " he says , " an Army regulation came out that all men that are miss - assigned can be reassigned by request . " So I put in my application and about three weeks later I was transferred to the Air Force . So , I was the only one with my MOS in our outfit , see , because I had to take care of all the telephones , which turned out alright . So I was satisfied with all that . I didn 't get to be a mechanic , but in a way , I was . I got a good education and I was an electric man , because it helped me when I got home , then I went to G . I . Bill of Rights school to be an electrician . It all turned out good . Please give us a brief review of your service , including the theaters of the war and possibly any campaigns you were in ? Well , of course , let 's see . I didn 't get into any hand to hand combat like the infantry . But we had some trouble there with the Japs on this island , infiltrating all the time and air raids . But see , we were in photo - reconnaissance , in intelligence . That 's what our airplanes were for , P - 38 's . Well , we took care of , oh let 's see , the Philippines , Borneo , and what 's the one I 've got here … ? ( He briefly looks at his papers . ) Indonesia I think or something like that . Well , anyway it 's in there . Oh , here . New Guinea , Borneo , and the Philippines , that 's it . My memory is getting a little short sometimes . It 's good , but short . When you get my age , it happens . What was it like being in the war ? It was nerve - racking , very nerve - racking . We 'd get these air raids and I 'd have to shut down the generator because we couldn 't have any lights . Visibility , you know . And I had to keep the telephones going . You could say you had to sleep with your ears open and your eyes shut , see . Air raids or any Japs infiltrating , it was nerve - racking , that 's what it was . I was a nervous wreck when I came home . Did they operate on sound or did they have electric current going through them ? Current . We had to ring ' em . And it was battery operated , see ? It 's a field phone , they called it . It was about like this ( shows with his hands ) , see . And that was the only telephone we had . [ 8 ] Did each phone have its own battery ? Yeah . Yes . But you had to string a wire between them or they wouldn 't work . And that was one of my jobs . Kept it all going . What was the name of the outfit that you were in ? 38th Photo - Reconnaissance . It was intelligence is what it really was , see . They took photos before , during , and after the raids , up ahead , see . And our planes didn 't have no guns at all . Just four P - 38 's . What was it like when you heard that the war was over , you were coming home ? Oh , boy ! It was great ! We just whooped and yelled . All the search lights went on , see . In those days they had search lights to detect the planes so they could shoot them . All the search lights were on and everyone was just a yelling and whooping . But we had an inkling already because we had everything all packed up because we were going to move further to the front . Of course we didn 't know where . And they dropped the first A - Bomb . Well , they suspected they might give up . Then they dropped the second one , then they cancelled our orders , and of course the war had ended . That 's when they shipped us to the Philippines to come home , from the Philippines . I was there for three months , then they shipped us home . Then I landed in San Francisco Christmas Eve of ' 45 . No ' 44 , no ' 45 , ' 45 . Did you get seasick ? No . But going over I got seasick . Oh , was I sick , most of the time . Finally , I got up on the … , I got in with the crew . It was twenty - eight days going over . And we stopped in New Zealand , Australia , and New Guinea , see . And I worked in the kitchen then , and they let me sleep up on deck . Well , that made a lot of difference . I wouldn 't be down in the hole where you can 't see nothing , it was just … , and everyone was sick … it was terrible ! And the toilets weren 't working good and the crap [ was ] all over , running . Good thing is they had little berms there that the water didn 't run right onto the ship from the toilets , they ran over . It was a mess . Terrible ! But what can you say . You 're in it , and you do the best you can . What was the Waupun area like when you came home ? Was it different from when you left ? Well , I came home to Randolph , that 's where my wife was from . Was that different from when you left ? Not really . No , you kind of pick up like from when you left , you know . For myself it wasn 't that way . I mean , up here ( pointing to his head ) , see . You try , but it didn 't work that way . I had an awful time when I came home , to adjust to it . Was there any help for you , VA or anything like that ? Not at that time . They didn 't have the PSD or whatever , Post - Traumatic Stress Disorder , at that time , see . They gave us the three hundred bucks and you were on your own , see . No , it wasn 't until the early ' 80 's , I think , that I first got good help . I 'd been going to the VA before that , but they never did anything about that , see . I know when I came home I just had , I had an awful time . I 'd hear a little noise and jump out of bed , you know … , hit the fox hole , you know . I had one time a guy throw a firecracker when he was working . Oh , I jumped and said , " Don 't you ever throw one again ! " But half hour later , he threw another one . I grabbed him around the neck and I said , " You SOB , " I had a hammer in my hand , you know , I was hanging wire , " you do that again I 'm gonna kill you . " And I was going to hit him on the head . You know , that 's your reaction , you 're taught that way . Good thing I didn 't hit him because I 'd have probably killed him , hit him on the head with the hammer , you know . But that 's the way it was , your reflexes . And nightmares , nightmares always thinking the Japs was coming in or bombs were dropping . Oh yeah , it was … You got bombed a lot over there ? Oh , yeah . We 'd hear ' em . " Well , I guess that one didn 't have our name on it , " you know . You kind of humor a little bit to , you know . But just lay in that fox hole and just , just hope that the next one won 't hit you , that 's all . But it 's one of those that you just go through it , and pick up again when it 's over and do what you have to do . Were any of your brothers in the army , in the war ? No . Well , they weren 't in the war . My brother Garrett , he was drafted towards the end of the war and he ended up in Germany with the occupation forces . He 's four years younger than me . My oldest brother was drafted right away in the beginning when the draft started . But then he got 4 - F for some reason or other . [ 9 ] And he worked at National Rivet . And my next brother , Don , he worked at National Rivet and he got deferred there , so he didn 't get in either . I could 've I guess , if I 'd have stayed at National Rivet , but I didn 't want to , [ I wanted to ] fulfill my duty to go . Did you have children ? Yes . Well , let 's see , a year later then our son was born , in January , a year after we was married . In fact , he was a year old before I seen him . In fact , he was two weeks old before I knew he was born , that 's how mail was at the time , you know . We didn 't have such things as cell phones and emails that they have today , but that 's the way it goes . You had just one son ? One son and the one daughter . Now our son was in the … , let 's see , I was in sixty years ago , forty years ago my son was in the Army , and twenty years ago my daughter 's son was in the Navy . Was your son in Vietnam ? No , he was in Germany during that time . So he got credit for the Vietnam Era . And our grandson was in during the Lebanon Crisis . He was in the Navy then , he was down there . How did you do that ? Well , I got paid so much a month , I think $ 90 a month or something like that . And I went to school one afternoon a week in Beaver Dam , under the G . I . Bill of Rights to be an electrician . [ 10 ] Did you retire from there ? No . No , I ended up in … , was in California for five years , or three years , and I worked there as an electrician . Then we moved to Waupun ; I didn 't like California . It was good but , I didn 't like the busy - ness . It was rough . So then we moved to Waupun , and I worked for Mink Brothers at that time . And I ended up managing the store , doing the selling and buying and everything . So I worked there for eighteen years . Then we had a fire , and it took everything . Then I worked for Waupun Supply for eight and a half years , retired from there . Is there anything else you would like to tell us about the war years , or before or after ? Oh , not really , I pretty much explained it in here ( he points to his papers . ) Oh , there are always a lot of little incidents , you know , that you kinda snicker about later . We 'd try to make humor about it too while we was there . You do the best you can , you know . I remember one time , we had to help some Australians , no not Australians , we had to tear up ( take down ) a tent that someone was moving out [ of ] . And I found … , at that time Life Parker pen was a great thing , you know , a life - time pen . They didn 't have ballpoints at the time , and the Australians were nuts for them . So I traded it for a bottle of gin . That night , some buddies of mine and I had a little party . Little things like that , you know . So you make the best of it . She lived in Randoph ? She lived at home first with her dad because her mother had died , so she was keeping house for her dad . And then in October right after the war ended , he had got married and she moved to town till I come home . I greatly appreciate you coming here and talking . It is just one of those things , you know , it 's … , like I said before , it 's a million dollar experience , but I wouldn 't give a nickel to go through it again . I thing it helps . I think it helped a lot of guys become self - sufficient and being a man . It 's too bad we haven 't got a draft today that 's compulsory that all the young men to … , unless they have a good reason for it , you know , because a lot of them need direction , and the Army gives it to them . I think it helped me , you know , to learn to be self - sufficient , to take care of yourself , and be innovative and doing things you … , to survive . So I think it 's helped me throughout my life , so it 's not been a wasted time when I think back . So other than that , I 'd say that I think everybody should go through it because of the discipline part of it , you know . And they realize what it is . [ 2 ] . It should be noted that during the late 1930 's and the 1940 's timeframe , the timeframe to which Walter is relating , many electric and telephone companies were co - ops , owned by local residents . As small companies , many of these did not connect to farms ; therefore , many of the rural areas did not have even electricity , much less telephones . [ 3 ] . Walter is referring to Shalers National Rivet and Manufacturing Company . Commonly referred to simply as Shalers , National Rivet , or the Rivet Company by many of the local towns people , it made most if not all of the rivets used in American built warplanes during the war and is situated , still to this day , nearly in the middle of Waupun . [ 6 ] . During the Second World War , the United States Air Force was still a part of the Army , and was known as the Army Air Corps , or , at times , the Army Air Forces . It wasn 't until 1947 that the United States Air Force was created as a separate branch of the military . [ 7 ] . MOS stands for Military Operation Specialty . [ 8 ] . I asked this question because the Navy ( even today ) used telephones on board their ships that were powered by the human voice . One talks into a telephone handset , the sound waves are turned into electrical pulses , which are then transmitted through the telephone wires to be changed back again to sound waves by the receiver . All this is conducted by the use of sets of crystals and diaphragms . Therefore , no outside electricity ( battery or otherwise ) is required . This system is called a sound powered phone . [ 9 ] . 4 - F is was a classification for the draft . It signified individuals who were not draft eligible . It is reported that thirty percent of those of draft age during the war were considered 4 - F . This category included people with " muscular and bone malformations , hearing or circulatory ailments , mental deficiency or disease , hernias , and syphilis . " The 4 - F Classification for the Draft during World War II , ( http : / / www . nebraskastudies . org / 0800 / stories / 0801 _ 0106 . html , accessed on 25 October 2007 ) .
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This was written for the Apocalypse Big Bang . Many , many , MANY thanks to my beta reader Waterofthemoon for combing through this , and to pyalgroundblz @ LJ for the mix that goes along with this ! See notes at the end for extended warnings . Tony 's back slammed into the wall , rattling the framed artwork on its hooks . The danger to his art collection barely registered . Steve had lost his button - up somewhere and was down to a white undershirt , but Tony was still mostly dressed . There was a spot of numbness on his chest where the spot for the arc reactor had been carved out . It never ceased to feel odd , knowing Steve 's presence should be there and just finding it wasn 't , hearing a clink instead of feeling the hard edges of his dog tags . But even for the layers separating them , Steve was a warm presence against him , pressed together from chest to knee , teeth doing their best to leave a permanent mark on Tony 's neck . They ground their hips together , Steve 's pressed jeans scraping the thinner linen of Tony 's slacks . Twisting , Tony uses the wall to win enough leverage to switch positions , slamming Steve back with a satisfying thump and locking their mouths into a scorching kiss . A second later , there came a crash and tinkle as something fell off the wall . Probably something expensive . They paused , breathing heavily against each other . The moment broke when Steve laughed . " C ' mon , " he murmured , kissing the spot he 'd just had his teeth in . His fingers hooked in Tony 's leather belt , tugging him close . " Bed . " " Or we could stay here . " One of Tony 's hand slithered down , finding the button of Steve 's jeans . It popped open easily , and the zipper was even easier . Steve was hot and hard against his palm , the head of his cock peeking out of his tidy white briefs . He groaned as Tony 's hand circled him , and really , Steve in general was just the best thing in the world , bar none . " This is good . Walls are good . We haven 't done anything against a wall in weeks . " " Because we break things . " Steve sank into the wall more , though , thighs spread to let Tony settle between them . " Things like art . " A slow flush started to creep up his neck , threatening to blend with the one on his cheeks . It was utterly , utterly lickable . Being a man of wisdom and vision , Tony wasted no time drawing Tony stared down at his cocoa and its slowly melting marshmallows , frowning . Under normal circumstances , cocoa would have been extremely welcome , especially if it had marshmallows . But normal circumstances didn 't involve being blocked from Steve 's cock by a murderous kitten . He felt his annoyance was fully justified . He hadn 't even gotten a quick handjob as a consolation prize . They 'd barely taken time to scramble back into their clothes , and even that had been a bit awkward with the rest of the team waiting out in the hall . Luke had thoughtfully covered his ears , but it wasn 't the same . The Avengers had collected around the kitchen table in the mansion , each clutching a cup of cocoa , with a single notable exception . Kitten had been put in a hard - sided carrier and locked in the bathroom , well away from any chance that it - or whoever was controlling it - might overhear what they had to say . Since it was Hulk 's kitten that had done the deed , Bruce had been informed and then hooked up to a virtual reality simulator in the break room to try and keep him calm . It was Hulk who liked the kitten , but Steve had decided - and Tony agreed - that it wasn 't worth taking the risk over . Once they 'd decided on an action , Tony would tap the VR to explain things to him . If everything went well , then Bruce would get his cocoa . Peter sat on his feet in the kitchen chair , mask off so he could bob for marshmallows . " So , killer attack kitten , " he mumbled , licking his lips clean of chocolate - y foam . " Can 't be that hard to figure out . Find the radio transmitter , triangulate the source , and we 're done . Just like the thing with the armadillos . Except cuter . " " Kitten didn 't have a radio transmitter , " Tony said with a grimace . The evaluation that had turned up that result had earned him some new battle scars . Steve had kissed them , and Giant Girl had produced bandaids from somewhere in her costume - Tony hadn 't asked where and she didn 't tell - but they still hurt . For all that they were fluffy , kittens were surprisingly good at causing pain . " Ha . Tigra crouched down in front of Kitten 's carrier , lips pursed thoughtfully . The bright florescent lights of Tony 's workshop were kind to fur in a way that they weren 't to skin . They danced over the different textures , gave depth of color where it just washed everyone else out . It made her look a little unreal as she did whatever it was that communicating with cats required . " And you say he just attacked you ? " Tigra asked doubtfully , tail twitching . " Maybe he was just playing ? " Kitten mewled pitifully , reaching through the bars to bat at a curl of Tigra 's auburn hair . The bell on his collar was still muffled ; Tony hadn 't wanted to get his fingers close enough to unmuffle it , and taking the collar off was right out . " He tried to kill me with a shoestring , " Tony repeated firmly . Since he was in the lab , he 'd changed out of his date clothes and into something more practical . Since he was dealing with a homicidal cat , ' something more practical ' was his welding gear . He 'd also taken the precaution of moving out all of the more sensitive equipment that he could , and of clearing a space in the middle of the shop , so accidents would happen away from the immobile , expensive , highly delicate equipment . " Look , if there weren 't a million cats out there trying to kill everyone in sight , you might have a point . But this isn 't an isolated incident . " Her mouth swished from side to side . Grabbing the dangling bit of hair , she made it dance . Kitten went ecstatic . " He doesn 't feel like a killer though . " " I know he 's cute - " " No , not that . " The lock of hair swirled , getting batted at enthusiastically by a tiny paw with little white toes . Annoyed as he was , Tony 's heart still melted a little . " There 's a thing - it 's body language , mostly , but when a cat has gone mean , you can tell . Kitten doesn 't have that . " " And yet he tried to kill me . With a shoestring . " There really was no way Tony could emphasize that enough . In his superhero career , there had been plenty of people who had tried to kill him . A kitten with a shoestring was a newHulk didn 't take the news well . Tony used the connection in his helmet to make a few hasty calls to some repair contractors while rearranging his workshop back into its more usable form . No one was free . It turned out that cats running mad in the streets was great for construction , even if it was bad for everyone else . He was able to get some workers out to put tarps over the hole in the roof . Anything else would have to wait its turn . The cats themselves weren 't doing that much damage . They didn 't need to , with people panicking and cars swerving to avoid them . Previously innocent animals were raiding stores and showing surprising creativity with their paws and teeth . The polydactyl ones were the real menaces : they 'd learned how to hold knives , and experts on CNN reckoned that it was only a matter of time before they stopped being distracted by can openers and moved on to learning how to shoot a gun . Fortunately , the Avengers were on the job . He was able to watch on one of the better news stations as they tackled some of the worst areas of the feline invasion . Captain America used his shield to scoop up some of the smaller ones , while Storm used her rains to herd them into traps and Giant Girl just scooped them up in her hands . Spider - Man made good use of his webs for trapping , but cat claws sliced through them if they weren 't thick enough . Of all of them , Power Man had it easiest : he was scratch - resistant . The news cameras didn 't catch the moment when Tigra appeared , but Tony noticed the roster change with relief . The sooner there were two heads on the project , the better . He 'd just finished moving his homemade MRI up from to the basement - he couldn 't even recall why he 'd made the thing , but it was going to finally be useful - when Spider - Man crawled carefully into the workshop . He clung to the walls and ceiling , peeking around corners with wide eyes . " Is there a reason there 's a hole in the roof ? " he asked in a small , unsure voice . " I thought the apocalypse would be relatively explosion free this time . " " Hulk iCats were everywhere . Steve flipped over a tangle of furry villains , bringing up his shield to block their claws . The cats yowled and tried to go over the top of it to get at him , hissing malevolently . A quick twist and toss landed them inside the large chain - link kennel that the Avengers were using as a temporary prison for their feline captives . Tigra perched on the open top , keeping the cats inside . He 'd had no idea that New York had so many cats . They filled the street , climbed trees , attacked people from hidden nooks and corners . More than once , he 'd clear an area just to find more cats coming in from dry drainage areas , or dropping down from above . He had claw marks all across his face , and Giant Girl had grown twenty feet tall just to keep from having to deal with being bitten so much . Her usual fighting size was a major difficulty in a crowded place like New York , but her smaller form was kitty chow . The panic didn 't help . Rather than locking themselves inside and waiting it out , as might have been reasonable , people were going out and trying to help . Which might have been nice if the problem was littering , but with an actual , living enemy they just got in the way . Half of the Avengers ' job had been rescuing well - meaning civilians from themselves . Traffic was at a more permanent standstill than usual , and ambulances weren 't going anywhere for the time being . Weather wasn 't going to be much help , other than what Storm could give them . There was still melting snow on the ground ; it caused some of the less careful people to slip and slide as they ran . More than once , Steve had ended up working crowd control to keep people from being crushed when they lost their footing . And that was just New York . The rest of the world would have to deal on its own terms . Steve could only hope they succeeded . " Why do everyone else get the good apocalypses ? " Power Man asked through the communicator . His voice was muffled , and every now and then something let out an unhappy mewl . In the corner of his eye , Steve could see him abCommunications went down first . Guards were all well and good , but no one paid attention to a cat , assuming they even saw it in the first place . They slipped in without trouble , reaching the delicate wires that held the world together . If there was one thing cats were good at , it was gnawing sensitive wires . Radio towers were only good when someone manned them . TV studios needed working cameras . Cell phones worked only intermittently , and reception only got worse as some of the larger felines worked out what a bulldozer was for . Military resources could only provide so much backup . They were as vulnerable as the civilians , with gas lines that could be chewed through and weapons that were surprisingly easy to manipulate with paws . Between rioting , panicked civilians and an enemy that was able to hide in the hollows of a wall , the military was done for . Without their infrastructure , armies or hope , governments toppled . The world went dark . Tony curled up in bed and stared balefully at the print out of the results , using a tiny penlight to examine them with . Normally , he wouldn 't have used anything so archaic as paper , but they didn 't make sense . He 'd hoped breaking out the old dead tree method would be of some help . It wasn 't . If anything , it was just making him more frustrated . Having the numbers in hand and not being able to twist them so they told him what he wanted to know was worse than having them on a cloud somewhere . He could actually see the decimal points mocking him . The main generators of the mansion were quiet , at rest to conserve fuel while most of the Avengers slept . Only the ones required to keep up the security systems were still running . Tony felt bad about that , that they should still have power and safety when so much of the city was dark , but they needed it . Without the generators , there would have been no hope at all . There was no telling what was going on in the rest of the world . Knowing what was happening in New York was even a bit of a stretch . The Avengers comm system was advanced enough that it survived , but everything else was gone . Even places as close as Virginia might as well have been on the other side of the moon , never mind Hong Kong , or London , or Buenos Aires . A large hand reached over to grab his penlight , blocking most of it . " Tony . Sleep , " Steve mumbled . He was sprawled out on his chest and had turned his head just enough to eye Tony . Instantly , fresh guilt dragged its claws across Tony 's heart . The other Avengers had been out in the city , trying to maintain an increasingly elusive order . Cats weren 't the main problem anymore ; people were doing a fine job of making a mess on their own . They 'd only forced themselves to bed an hour ago , safe behind quickly rigged anti - cat security systems . In less than three hours , the sun would be back up and Steve would be out there again . Meanwhile , Tony had been safe in his lab , punching in numbers and wrestling machines into giving him one last scan . " Sorry , " he said , flippiIt was three hours from setting foot back in the workshop to having crafted a working model of the Catnipper Effect ( as Peter had coined it ) . Kitten was their unfortunate and unwilling guinea pig for experiments that ranged from the classic Tin Foil Hat to carefully calibrated electromagnetic scramblers . The Avengers met as the sun set on the fourth day of the Catpolcalypse . All of them looked battered and exhausted . Luke , who was safe from the pointy ends of their enemies , drooped over the meeting table . Ororo had a set of claw marks down one cheek that looked extra painful every time she smiled , and Jan was black and blue from having tripped over a bridge . Tigra was curled up in her chair half - asleep , and even Peter - who had stayed out of most of the fighting part in favor of helping Tony - had claw marks up and down his arms . Jarvis provided extra marshmallows for those who needed the pickup , as well as what he called ' kitchen sink ' cookies . It was one of the many , many reasons they all loved Jarvis . Luke was the first one to speak , though he did it without lifting his head . " I hope you have a solution . I don 't think I can keep this up for much longer . I 'm beat . " " Peter and I think we do . " Tony leaned over the meeting table , resting his hands on it . " We think that whatever is happening is based on similar principles to Hank 's old Ant Man helmet . They 're not the same - ants communicate through pheromones - but the concept is close . " " How close ? " Jan leaned sideways , using Steve 's shoulder to prop herself up . " Close as in , we have a target , or close as in , we have a week to a target ? " Tony smiled . " We have a target . It 's electromagnetic pulses , being sent out from a single source with orders to attack humans . Once we knew that , we were able to use Stark Industries satellites to triangulate its location . " " Its definitely villainous location . " In his lab coat and goggles , Peter almost looked like a respectable person . The illusion was only ruined by the fact that he was still in his Spider - Man boots . " It 's a small volcThey all needed time before taking off . It was another delay , but one that was unavoidable . Gear was in need of repair or replacement , showers were required , and fresh uniforms to replace the shredded remnants of old were desperately required to maintain some tattered dignity . Tony helped Steve into costume . Which was less help and more just sitting on the bed , hanging on and trying to stay upright as Steve worked around him . His fingers dug into Steve 's thighs , keeping him from escaping easily as he rested his head against his sternum . Steve gave up on pulling his top down and just wrapped his arms around Tony 's shoulders , uniform still bunched up around his chest . The scales of the armor clanked and tugged at stray hairs , surprisingly heavy when atop his head , though Tony knew it actually didn 't weigh much at all . " Is something wrong ? " " No . " Tony rubbed his cheek against Steve 's chest , letting his beard drag across shower - damp skin . " Nothing 's wrong . " Which was technically true . He 'd already mentally selected the armor he 'd fight in , and that was all he really needed to do . The Quinjet was fueled and ready to go . Even Jarvis had been sent somewhere safe and hopefully cat - free so he wouldn 't be at risk while the Avengers were away from their base . But even though nothing was wrong , something was off . He couldn 't pin it down , but it was there , tickling the back of his thoughts threateningly . Being unable to articulate something wasn 't a problem Tony had much experience with , and he was finding that he kind of hated it . It was more frustrating than not knowing the solution to a problem . At least then there was more to do than wrestle with his own thoughts . " I can hear you thinking , " Steve said dryly , bending down to kiss the top of Tony 's head . The maneuver gave him enough space that he was able to tug down his top before Tony had a chance to block it with his head again . " What is it ? " " I don 't know , " Tony admitted . He took back his place on Steve 's chest a little grumpily . The scales were hard and dug into his skinThe Quinjet came in low and quiet , skimming the water to avoid detection . None of the sensors read any sort of scanning device in use , but Dr . Doom had caught them by surprise a few times , and even the Hatemonger got lucky once . It was better to just take a few easy precautions , even if it meant that they missed the chance to make fun of the island some more before landing . The main volcano on the island was situated in the central body of the cat shape . Tony assumed it was only not in the head because planning a volcanic island 's layout was advanced work for the average , every day villain . They sat down on the sandy area near the base of the tail - Tony resisted thinking of it as the cat 's butt , though obviously the thought was tempting . There wasn 't really any cover to speak of ; most of the plant life was by way of shrubbery and a few sickly looking trees . Satellite mapping had shown some rocky outcrops and a suspiciously ambush - friendly canyon that was probably connected to the main lair , but anything both defensible and near the lair had been cut back . Overhead , the sun was mostly hidden by low cloud cover showing only a few glimpses of late - winter blue sky . A biting wind blew off the sea , bringing with it a few flurries of snow , which shouldn 't have been surprising . They 'd all seen the location and known that it was far enough north to be in the middle of winter . It was just that villains usually chose some sort of equatorial location , if an island base was going to be in use at all . Opening the hatch and not being blasted by bikini weather and , on occasion , people in bikinis was an unusual experience . Storm , who 'd thought ahead enough to put on a sweater , warm pants and earmuffs , lifted her head to look at the clouds . Her eye churned white , and the few break in the cloud cover vanished . " That should assist our efforts to remain hidden . " " Thanks , " Power Man huffed , stuffing his hands into his coat pockets as the temperature noticeably dropped . " Thanks a lot . Not like I needed those fingertips . " Spider - Man shiverThe last stretch to the villain 's secret yet unsubtle lair was fairly easy . It took nearly another hour to walk . No more attacks came in that time , which seemed to back up Storm 's theory that the first wave had been a scouting troop . There was no telling how long it would be before they were missed , so the Avengers moved quickly as they could on foot . They ducked down behind some black volcanic rocks , Giant Girl having shifted to her more natural size for the sake of close - in sneaking . And of course , the suspiciously ambush - friendly canyon was , as expected , the main entrance to the volcano . The thing was narrow , featuring high walls and a long , winding path that didn 't have direct forward visibility for more than a dozen yards in any given part of it . It would have been even more suspicious if it weren 't , from Tony 's perspective . Any villain that passed up such an obvious trap opportunity could only be up to something even worse - something that they wouldn 't see coming . Large cats stood watch at the narrow entrance to the canyon - two lionesses , dressed in what looked like modern body armor and helmets , with gauntlets on their paws that featured razor sharp claw extensions . Tony wouldn 't have been willing to bet those claws wouldn 't cut through armor . A glint of sunlight caught something metal hidden in the tuft of fur on their tails . It was gone before he could identify it , but ' sharp ' seemed the most likely option . They prowled occasionally , pacing back and forth , but never simultaneously . The few times their eyes turned in the Avengers ' direction , they looked startlingly intelligent . These , it was clear to say , were no ordinary lions . Cap crouched down next to Tony , the weight of his knee comforting even through armor . He tapped Tony 's elbow to get his attention . Scan the area , he gestured briskly . Radio silence . No noise . Tony nodded his understanding - cats had better hearing than humans . No point in giving themselves away with a whisper . Flicking his visual sensors over to infrared , Tony waited until the lSurprisingly , the volcano was almost entirely open - plan . Doorways were left without doors and holes had been cut in the walls to accommodate the beams . Tigra made longing noises and pointed comments about renovating the mansion that Tony did his best to mostly ignore . It was one thing to build a gym to help out the team ; it was another thing entirely to turn his house into a giant kitty playpen . Maybe he 'd modify one of the guest houses instead . Of course , the Fortress of Doom wasn 't unguarded from the inside , but most of the cats were at least smaller than the average Great Dane , and they never showed up in more than pairs . One almost got the drop on them using a beam overhead , but it was quickly repulsored , zapped , webbed and pummeled into submission . After that , Spider - Man took point on the catwalks , while Power Man and Iron Man scouted ahead on the ramps . Not that the way was actually easy . That would have been expecting too much . " I don 't think I can jump that , " Giant Girl said doubtfully , staring at the platform that was about ten feet from them . By Tony 's estimations , it led the the ramps that covered the north side of the volcano , and therefor was exactly what they needed to get to . " I could get big , but I don 't think it 'll hold my weight at that size . " Tigra frowned . " But it 's easy . Watch . " Taking a couple of quick steps , she flung herself out over the breach . Her claws skidded on the metal when she landed , but a quick twist arrested her momentum before she hit the wall . " See ? Nothing to it ! " Giant Girl was still eying the gap . " I think I 'll pass , " she said . " I got you , GG . " Spider - Man popped up and wrapped an arm around her waist . His webline hooked to a beam high overhead . " Hold on ! " Together , they swung on a nice , gentle arc , coming to a gentle stop well inside the danger zone . " That 's how you do it . " " My hero , " Giant Girl sighed dramatically , smacking a kiss to his cheek . Behind them , Tigra rolled her eyes . " Sure , if you want to be lazy , " she grumbled , but her tail was swishing happily . Tony helped Power MThey handed over Cleocatra to the guards at Riker 's without further incident , and Professor X took care of blocking off her feline telepathy . As soon as Xavier had her shut down , Tigra 's complaints in the Quinjet developed words . Most of them were directed at Spider - Man . The rampaging cats all crept back to wherever they 'd come from , the pampered pets returning home with proud new battle scars . Kitten welcomed them home by twining between Hulk 's ankles .
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With our 2 wins and 1 loss , we finished second in our division - meaning we 'd play the first place team from the other division on Sunday morning . I didn 't sleep well on Saturday night because some girls from another team were out in the hall chatting with the security guard until after 3am , and my leg muscles were sore from the previous two games , so I was a bit worried that I 'd be slow and useless on the ice for what we hoped would be our second - to - last ( instead of our last ) game . I was yawning and rubbing my burning eyes right up until I put my helmet on , and I couldn 't seem to lift the puck on my first four or five shots in the warmup , but when I accidentally sent a puck over the glass while attempting to get the lift back , I knew I 'd be fine for the game . Indeed , once the game started , I was back on fire again . I felt like I was skating fast , hard , and with high confidence . One of the first things I noticed when I got on the ice was that # 64 , a defenseman , was GOOD . She could really skate , and her hockey skills also seemed pretty high . I think it was she who started the game with a four - minute penalty for roughing , however , when a scuffle for the puck at the point sent Michele crashing feet first into the boards . Michele 's head hit the ice pretty hard , and her stick flew out into the neutral zone . I 'm still not sure whether # 64 actually did anything wrong - and I was watching the melee the whole time from the opposite point - but it 's possible . All I know is that Michele fell * really * hard , and that we ended up with a 4 - minute power play because of it . I don 't think I noticed the other ringer on the Xtreme until I was on the bench after my first shift ; I think this is when she scored for the first time , but I 'm not sure . I do remember that she was super fast and not shy about running circles around us or her own teammates . ( Her after goal celebrations seemed a little over the top , given that her skill level was obviously so much higher than most of the rest of ours . ) In any case , we started referring to her as Blue Socks on the bench , since she had no number on her jersey , and she was the only player wearing powder - blue socks . Even though I was playing Wing and Blue Socks was at Center , I had a few opportunities to defend against her , including one where she 'd gotten a breakaway just as I jumped on the ice . I think our D must have pinched in a bit , because I didn 't see any red jerseys near her as she streaked down the ice , so I went straight for her on an intercept path . I caught her at the far boards just short of the goal line , and just as I got there she overskated the puck . We bumped into each other - not hard , but enough to tangle us up and keep both of us from getting to the puck , which was now behind us . I can 't remember whether it was her teammate or mine who dug it out , but I like to think that I was the reason she overskated it in the first place . I know she was well aware of my approach . Louise , who had joined us for games 1 and 3 , was back out again ( her sister is in the hospital ) , so we went back to two Centers and three sets of Wings , with Shawna and Marie at Center . I hadn 't noticed before Marie mentioned in the locker room that faceoffs were her specialty , but now that I was paying attention , I saw that she did indeed win every faceoff for which I was on the ice . Shawna was also very strong at Center , I thought , and there were several times that she , Michele and I had scoring opportunities because of good passing between us down low . I know Michele had a backhand shot from the slot that almost went in , and Shawna and I were whacking away together down near the crease later in the game , trying to get a bouncing puck to slip through a gap in the goalie 's gear . I also had another scoring chance when we were in the defensive zone and one of the Xtreme passed out to the point . I picked the puck off the D 's stick and took off in the other direction . It was so neat - I did the pickoff and go in a single motion , as if I knew all along that the puck was mine . One of their D caught me as I crossed through the left faceoff dot in the offensive zone , but I felt like I could get a decent shot off in spite of her , AND I DID . ( Sadly , the goalie pinched it between her leg pads . ) There was one kind of funny moment where an Xtreme player tried to take me out as a passing target ( I assume with the intention of then stealing the puck from my teammate , who was now skating up because I 'd been taken out ) , and instead of fighting her off , I just hooked my arm under hers , relaxed , and let her momentum carry us into the boards . Surprise ! You 're now out of the play , too . : ) The added benefit was that since I knew the bump into the boards was going to happen , I was able to untagle myself quicker and jump back into the play . Oh , and speaking of getting tangled up , two other incidents come to mind : one was in the middle of the first period , when we were at a faceoff dot in the offensive zone . I moved to tie up the opposing Wing so she couldn 't get the puck , and my stick blade got caught in her skate . I felt it yank forward as she took a step , and I know I should have let go of it - but I didn 't , and she went down like a felled tree . I apologized and waited for the whistle , which I knew would be coming . Indeed it did , and I skated to the box to serve a two - minute penalty for tripping . The other tangle came when I was skating the puck into the offensive zone with a backchecker hard on my right , and she stepped on my skate just as we got to the blueline , sending us both flying forward . I looked back and saw one of my teammates pick up the puck just behind the line , and as I wasn 't sure whether the puck was * touching * the line or not , I started screaming " I 'm offsides ! I 'm offsides ! " as I scrambled to get up and get clear . Either I got a leg over the line just as Marie came in with the puck , or the puck never completely crossed the blueline , because we weren 't whistled for offsides . I think it was Lolly who scored our only goal in this game , to the Xtreme 's three . We were tied at 1 - 1 for quite a while , but once the Xtreme scored their second goal , it was like they smelled blood in the water - and they really kicked up the intensity . " Nothing we wouldn 't have done , " said Rachel when I made the blood - in - the - water remark to her on the bench . " I rather think we would have backed up , " I replied . She laughed and agreed I was probably right . As we were having this exchange , # 64 had control of the puck in our defensive zone . Someone tried to knock her off it and ended up knocking her down instead - and that 's when I think * everyone * realized how good she really was . She kept control of the puck while she was on her knees , sprang back up , skated down a bit lower , and took a shot ( which was blocked by one of our D , I believe ) . Oh , to have mad hockey skillz like that ! It wasn 't until Michele , Leslie , Shawna , Marcus and I were out at dinner later that night that I realized that I 'd had * absolutely nothing to complain about * this year . There were no ugly hits , no trips , no injuries , no uncalled penalties , and - aside from the aforementioned dive into the offensive zone - no falls of any kind . ( Which is good , because if anybody had knocked me on my back , the black - and - blue surrounded knob on my butt would have had me screaming in agony . I couldn 't even drive without a pillow behind my lower back to keep my butt away from the seat back . ) I don 't know whether my high confidence and the fact that some as - yet - unseen hockey instincts kicked in had anything to do with the lack of incidents , but I suspect so . Despite the tournament - ending loss , I felt great about how I played and how the team played . ( You 'd never have known that we don 't usually play together . ) Al remarked when I was talking to him on the phone after the game that it was good to hear me talking about hockey with excitement and enthusiasm again . I couldn 't agree more ; this tournament really brought the joy back for me , and I now want to play hockey hockey hockey all the time again . I 'm hoping that I can bring some of these new - found skills and the higher confidence level back to my games with the Admirals , but if not , I 'll look forward to playing with the Spitfires again soon . I think the rest of the girls felt the same , because the talk in the locker room after the game was all about which tournaments would be good to go to next . Four hours and 15 minutes between game starts sounds like a lot of time , but it isn 't . I 'd been thinking that I 'd have time to go back to the hotel and rest between games , but all I really had time for was a veggie burger and fries in the lounge above the rink before I had to get dressed for our game against the Vixens at 9 : 30 . I could totally feel the effects of the last game - whereas I 'd been on fire in game 2 , in game 3 I was just burned out . I still think I did lots of good things ; it 's just that my legs were burning so much that occasionally they didn 't respond to commands like " SKATE ! " , and I know at one point late in the third period I stayed camped out on the back door of the crease much longer than I should have because I just couldn 't move . Aside from being tired , we played a pretty good game ; the only thing I really noticed that I wish we 'd done better was getting control of the puck . Both teams were pretty chippy : them with their hits and their mouths , and us with our sticks . It seemed like we were always chipping it out , chipping it forward , chipping it past the D . . . only to put it right back on an opponent 's stick ( I know I did this many , many times myself ) . We didn 't control the puck in this game as much as we did in the last . On the bright side , by the third period we seemed to have their number , and we intercepted as many - or more - of their passes as they did of ours . The Vixens were definitely a better team than the Cross Chix , but I think if we 'd played them in the first game on Saturday , when we were fresher , instead of in the second , we could have beaten them . ( But then would we have beaten the Cross Chix in the second game ? Hard to say , but I think we would have . ) They were bigger and faster , for two things , and they didn 't back up like the Chix had . I 'm also not sure we were using all our assets as well as we could have . It turned out that Marie is amazing at winning faceoffs ( something that we didn 't realize until this morning ) , so we probably should have had her playing Center - or at least taking faceoffs - in this game , as she did in the previous two . Speaking of faceoffs , in the middle of the first period , something I hadn 't even noticed became obvious to Lolly : namely , that two of the Vixens ' three Centers could win the faceoff back every time . When she came back from one of her D shifts she begged some paper and a pen from the scorekeeper and dashed off a tiny little diagram that boiled down to this : The plan involved having the Left Wing straddle the circle on the RIGHT , with the Right D and the Right Wing to her right , and the idea behind it was to get the Left Wing to her check ( the Right D ) without being impeded by the opposing Right Wing . It works like this : The second the puck is dropped , the Left Wing skates straight to the Right D . If the opposing Center wins the faceoff back to the Left D , the Left Wing will intercept the puck and can either carry it or chip it out of the zone . If the opposing Center wins the faceoff back to the Right D , the Left Wing is there to clog the shooting lane . If the opposing Center wins the faceoff forward or if our Center wins it back , our Left D wings the puck around the boards to the right , where the Right Wing goes to pick it up . ( Obviously the whole diagram reverses if the faceoff is to the right of the goalie . ) I was a little nervous about executing this plan properly , but I got a chance to try it on my first shift out after Lolly 's explanation . And gosh darn it if it didn 't work ! The Center won the faceoff back to the Left D , and I intercepted the pass cleanly . I think if I 'd had fresher legs , I could have broken through and skated it out myself , but with both D converging on me , my first instict was to pop it up and over to another winger . I 'd gotten a jump on everyone , however , so there was no one to pass up to . We did eventually get the puck out of the zone , and we tried this play two more times that I was on the ice , with great success . I wonder if I can convince my Admirals teammates to try it ? I think it 'd be something worth trying in one of the games against the beginner team , which actually has a strong Center . Anyway , between Lolly 's coaching and our perserverence , we kept the game very close ; in fact , the score was tied at 1 - 1 for most of the game . Sadly , in the end we lost 2 - 1 . I was so exhausted after the game that when the inevitable funny stories started flying around the locker room , I laughed until I was on the verge of tears . ( That 's happened to me before : when I 'm wiped - out tired , if something hilarious happens , chances are I 'll be sobbing in seconds . ) The two things that nearly sent me over the edge ? ( 1 ) A story about a game that got so ugly the Spitfires ended up walking off the ice , after which the opposing players all banged their sticks on the Spitfires ' locker room door , yelling , " yeah , we 'll see you at the potluck ! " I gotta use that one sometime . ( 2 ) Beth tossing her skate towel to J - W just as Michele walked out of the bathroom . There 's nothing like someone getting beaned in the head with a towel for high hilarity . Oh my god , Power : ON ! I felt like I was ON FIRE in this game . I don 't know where it came from , because I remember saying to J - W and Michele in the hotel lobby before the game that I felt like my skills had * dropped * over the past year , but I felt so confident on the ice it was scary . I skated as if no one was going to stop me , and often , nobody did ; several times I thought , about the D , " why aren 't you stepping up ? there 's a puck lying right there , and if you don 't step up , I 'm going to get it ! " I fought for the puck along the boards and actually got possession several times , which built my confidence up even more . I actually had SHOTS ON GOAL , none of which went in , but all of which were decent ( the goalie actually had to make saves , not just flick the puck away with her stick ) . And THEN ! after one shot , I got my own rebound , skated around the net , and TRIED FOR THE WRAPAROUND . I have never done that in my life , as far as I can recall , and it felt so natural and authoritative I even shocked myself . The shot went across the crease , behind the goalie ( I 'd shot very hard , but didn 't curl my stick around quite enough ) , but man was it a thrill to make an advanced hockey move like that . As for goals actually scored by us , there were two : I didn 't see the first one because it was on the far end of the ice , but apparently Leslie passed to Marie and then went for the slot ; Marie noticed that Lolly was open at the point and passed to her . Lolly took a shot , more to throw the puck in front of the net than to try to score , but Leslie was screening the goalie , and the puck went in . Lolly didn 't even realize it until she got to the bench . The second goal was scored by Deanna , who 'd set up in the midde of the slot . I don 't remember where the pass came from , but I suspect it was from Shawna , who I think was out there at Center at the time ( we had two Centers and three sets of Wings ) . Deanna was open and in exactly the right spot , and it was a good reminder to me to stay up higher in the slot instead of always standing practically in the crease . You have more room to manuever up there , and you 're more likely to stay open ( the D often forget about you if you 're not standing directly in front of their goalie ) . The Cross Chix only ended up getting one goal ( I was also on the bench for that one , so I was even in the sense that I wasn 't on the ice for * any * of the goals : ) , so we won the game 2 - 1 . Although everyone played really well , and I had so many confidence breakthroughs , the game was not without downsides / room for improvement . We played the entire third period on D , even when we were on the power play , which didn 't seem like a good idea . I know NHL teams like the Mighty Ducks and the Wild are known for defensive games and neutral zone traps , but our version of a defensive game mostly consisted of backing up until our opponents were in our zone and then trying to chip the puck out . We totally looked like we were penalty killing the one time in the third when we were on the power play . We noticed when we got the schedule this year that three out of the four teams we played last year were on it , though of course there 'd be no guarantee that the same girls would be on those teams . First up were the Flying Beavers , the team we beat 3 - 0 last year . Of course I missed this game due to all my flight troubles ( see previous entry and a whole string of entries on avocado8 ) , but Michele and Leslie gave me the updates . Michele said that the two teams were pretty evenly matched , although the final score , 3 - 0 us , didn 't really reflect that . ( Funny , we won 3 - 0 last year as well , and I had the same impression , that we were evenly matched . ) Shawna scored a goal on a breakaway , and Lolly and Rachel each had one as well . Michele said the team played pretty well together , which is nice . It 's also nice to win the first game of the tournament - it helps you feel competent and confident about winning again . I 'm on my way to Vancouver for the annual women 's hockey tournament - yay ! That 's the good news . The bad news is that my flight to Chicago got cancelled , so I had to get re - booked on a different airline through Denver , and I 'm not going to make it to YVR in time for the first game , which is at 6 : 15 . I have composed SO MANY hockey blog entries in my head over the past few months , and I 've written exactly 0 of them . What the heck is my problem ? I honestly had * tons * of observations to make about my skills ( which seem to be declining rather than improving ) , my attitude , the attitudes of my teammates ( and how those were affecting my play and my enthusiasm for the game ) , and the differences between playing here in Philadelphia vs . playing in Northern California . Sadly , it only lasted for one game , but on Feb . 4 , I came home EXCITED and gabbling about everything that had happened on the ice that night . I felt like I 'd really made a difference in the game - even if no one else noticed , * I * knew I 'd contributed - and I couldn 't wait to tell Al about it . I remember literally jumping up and down as I related the following accomplishments ( which I happened to write down ) : This was pretty cool : I 'd set up in front of the net , as usual , when Mifflin let a slapshot fly from the point . For the first time ever , I * saw the shot the whole way in * and managed to get my stick on it . The shot went a little wide , but it was totally an advanced move for me . This post was going to be about how one of my linemates ( who isn 't particularly talented either ) kept getting * extremely * exasperated every time I flubbed a play or didn 't do what he wanted me to do , even if what I * did * do was perfectly reasonable . It was so wearing on my psyche that I eventually just stopped doing anything . I would literally stand still while the puck went by me , sometimes even with a flourish of the hand . Of course my passive - agressive point was lost on him ; he just assumed I * couldn 't * do anything , not that I just wouldn 't . He also seemed completely unaware of [ a ] his own ineptitude , and [ b ] how much his annoyance was ruining the game for me . [ I finally called him on it during the last game of the season - in a rather dramatic fashion - but I 'm still not sure he understood why I was so freakin ' mad . ] In a game against the Shock , I had just executed a nice breakout pass and was turning up ice to follow my teammates when I saw an opponent barrelling toward me along the boards . EVERYONE else ( except our goalie ) was now skating in the opposite direction this guy was , so all of my teammates and the two referees had their backs to us when this speeding hulk of an idiot crashed into me . He knocked me sideways , into the boards , and then kept coming - could he really not stop ? ? ? - hitting me again in the chest as I fell . ( He must have brought his arms up or something . ) In any case , the back of my head hit the boards on the way down . I didn 't hit the actual ice very hard , probably because I was still somewhat entangled with the big goon , and I sat up immediately . I had an instant headache , and I couldn 't see straight . The goon said , " Are you OK ? " , and I replied with an emphatic " NO . " When I still couldn 't see straight after a couple seconds , panic took over and I started to cry . My head hurt SO MUCH , and something was obviously wrong . Finally the refs realized I was down and blew the whistle , and everyone came back to see why I was sitting on the ice . Everyone had a theory about what had happened , but since none of them had seen the collision or my head hit the boards , only I and the goon knew for sure what had gone down . What * was * clear was that I had a minor concussion . I ended up sitting out the rest of the first period and all of the second , but I skated the third because - and I know this sounds completely illogical - the nausea was so bad that I needed some cool air in my face to keep from barfing . I obviously didn 't go full - steam out there , but the cool breeze * was * soothing . My parents were in town for this game , so they , Austen , and Al all came , and Al videotaped some of the game . I still haven 't watched the tape , actually , and I 'm not sure I really want to . We were playing the Galaxy , and not one but two fights broke out . Lisa , for some reason , took offense to the usually - inoffensive Gavin , and she ended up jumping on his chest and swinging freely at his ( caged ) face . WTF ? She got ejected , of course , and then a couple plays later , Watson attacked the often - offensive Derek for something I didn 't see . Watson then got ejected , and I think we were down to 7 or 8 skaters . Stupid . Al and I splurged on a sitter ( Hannah came for about 6 hours ) and participated in an open hockey session at the Igloo in Mt . Laurel a few Saturdays ago . It was SO GREAT , not just because we got to play together , but also because we ended up talking about hockey for the rest of the weekend . We each made observations about our own play and each other 's , and we made a few connections we hadn 't made before . For example , I noticed that Al was always a little ahead of the person with the puck and going full - speed when looking for a pass . He said he 'd been working on kicking it as soon as a pass was in progress - either from himself to a teammate , or between two other teammates . I realized that this was the reason for the problem I have with everyone always passing behind me : We 'd always known that it happened because I kick it , and the passer passes to where I * was * , not to where I 'm going . What I didn 't realize until I saw Al 's moves and discussed the pickup with him afterwards was that I wasn 't kicking it until after the passer looked up and saw me , whereas Al kicked it as soon as the puck got to the now - passer . We talked about it for a while , and I also realized * why * I don 't kick it until the passer sees me : It 's because I 'm not used to being passed to . I 've been hung out to dry at the blueline so many times that I don 't really start skating until [ a ] the passer decides * not * to pass and takes off up - ice ; or [ b ] I see the passer 's clear intention to pass to me . Why bother skating full speed if I just going to have to come to a screeching halt at the blueline anyway ? I realized that Al wasn 't the only one kicking it immediately ; it 's what I see the pros do , other players at pickups do . . . in short , men do . I think playing with guys who don 't pass could have fucked up my timing a little , and that it 's time to take charge of the situation . I should be kicking it right away , and making it obvious that I 'm OPEN and READY and ALREADY AT SPEED . If the goobers * still * don 't pass to me , at some point hopefully it 'll become obvious to everyone else as well , and I won 't be the only one complaining .
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May31 May sang her song : " Rain , rain , go away . Come again some other day . " And then she broke into the chorus of : " The sun will come out tomorrow , bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there 'll be sun . " So much rain in May caused the grass to grow as high as an elephant 's eye , almost . Flooding in parts of our country caused grief as we watched our own Salt River rise and ebb . Our yard , with its peaks and valleys , was water - logged , and days went by when it was simply too wet to mow . It got so bad that a lawn care company rep came by to give me his card . The rain also brought flowers , and oh how I love the flowers . I like to cut them and put them in the old mason jar filled with water . Whatever is blooming becomes a serendipitous bouquet . Sometimes a tiny bug or spider has crawled out from the buds , so I have relegated the mason jar to the table on the deck . In the morning when I sit there in the quiet of a new day , I enjoy the flowers in the outdoors . The creepy crawly things are at home out there . There 's been lots of outdoor work , planting , pulling weeds and digging in the soil . The dirt under my fingernails continues to be an issue . The yard looks reasonably well kept this spring , though not perfect . My yard will never be perfect or perfectly groomed like yards I admire , all prim and proper . I 've come to terms with it , because this is the way I garden . It 's slightly wild and slightly pruned , and I 'm OK with that . It is ever changing , evolving , becoming something different and new . I had two recitals this month , one at the Academy of Arts and one for my home students . I am always aglow at these events , so proud of my students ' hard work that produces music to my ears . Teaching piano came to me late in my career as the result of a job loss . At the time , I couldn 't have dreamed what grace would come from something so shocking and disturbing . It is the way of God , to bring life from what seems like death . Mother 's Day came in the middle of the two recital . My own mother has been dead for over 30 years , and our one and only son is in another state celebrating his wife , as he should . What 's a daughter / mother like me to do but be good to myself ? I called a friend who shares a similar situation and suggested we spend a few hours together before Mother 's Day , somewhat grieving our loss but more celebrating friendship , our sons , and the love of all things growing . We spent a lovely morning and afternoon together , and our shared joy helped us ease into the weekend when pictures of gathered families would multiply on Facebook . I 've enjoyed watching the Canadian goslings growing daily , grey downy feathers giving in to the white and black distinctive color of their parents . They look like miniature versions of what they will eventually become . I spy the single mallard mamma and her little bitties occasionally . There are six of them left and still so small in comparison to the geese . Watching these babies grow has been life - giving this spring . I resumed my task of going through the saved mementos from the box in the garage . I came to the cards , letters , notes from my years working at the YMCA . It was my first management positions , and some days I didn 't have a clue what I was doing . Nostalgia took me on a journey of memories and faces , experiences and people who helped me grow . It 's been over 15 years since I worked at the Y . They were formative years for me when I learned so much from the staff whose names appear on those mementos . It 's the season of the Yard Sale . Usually I am quite the sucker for a neon pink hand - lettered sign , but I 've passed by more often this spring . As the wise Solomon said , there is a season for everything , a time to gather and a time to scatter , a time to keep and a time to throw away . I 've had my season of gathering and keeping . It 's time to let go . Rather suddenly at month 's end , we excitedly arranged for a visit from my daughter - in - love , eldest granddaughter and her friend . I prepared the house , filled the fridge and pantry , and cleared my calendar . The few days would be open for whatever plans they had . I would be bed and breakfast for them and take whatever moments I could get with each one . She and her friend had their own agenda , attending wedding festivities , visiting friends , and staying out later than my bedtime . And we who waited for the sound of them slept lightly as we prayed for their safe return . Her mother and I shared the mutual feeling of wanting to know all the chicks are home , safe in the nest , before we can settle down for deep sleep . I enjoyed hours of conversation with my daughter - in - love as we sat at the kitchen table and drank sweet tea . For me it was like old times when she lived in the house next door . We laughed and remembered and talked about so many things . It was a balm for my soul . May has been delicious in lots of ways and difficult in others . And this life I live is very much like the garden surrounding me . Days are spent pulling up the weeds and clearing away the mess of a long winter . Other days I dig in the dirt and plant with hope for something bright and beautiful . Flowers bloom and fade , while others bud with promise . One morning is cloudy , rain falling ; the threat of storms makes me run for cover . And then the sun emerges and water droplets glisten like diamonds . A rainbow appears in the sky and I stand in awe . Share this : EmailPinterestFacebookGoogleLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted on May 31 , 2017 , in ending , family , granddaughter , mothers , sing , Spring . Leave a comment She is the middle child . At times she is the quiet , introspective one . At other times she is the comedian , actress , goof - ball who makes us laugh . She was born without me being at the hospital . Her older sister was brought to our house early one morning in November when time came for her parents to rush to the hospital . I supposed we had plenty of time to shower and dress since her sister took her time coming into the world . I was wrong . Before many hours had passed , I listened to the message on my phone , " You have another granddaughter . " Elation and disappointment mingled , but I was thankful for her birth . We hurriedly made our way to the hospital where mother , dad , and new baby girl were contentedly waiting for us . She was the queen of dress - up . She loved the costumes and cast - offs kept in a box in the back room . She emerged as a character of some sort and took on the persona and accents with ease . One of my favorite personalities was Dr . Bendova , dressed in a white shirt , silly glasses and top hat . She made us laugh a lot . Being the second child , she was often the companion and follower of her big sister . Once when she was allowed to spend " alone time " with us , all by herself , she climbed up on the stool next to the kitchen counter where I spend a lot of time , and commenced to talk up a storm . I was surprised at all the words coming from this child who was usually so quiet . It was as if she finally had a captive audience to hear what she had to say . She was a girl of many faces , most of them silly . For years we could not seem to get a serious picture of her . With everyone posed for a snapshot , she invariably make a goofy face just at the moment of the shutter 's opening . While it was frustrating at the time , it has given us myriad photos of this girl 's special way of bringing comic relief to us all . Good - byes are never easy , no matter how often we practice them . But good - byes are as much a part of life as the welcome homes are . We must receive them both if we are to be loved and to love in return . Her life is a gift to all of us who know and love her . Her gifts and talents are from the Father above who planned for her life . My prayers seem unceasing for her , that she will know the way the Father leads her , that she will follow Him with all her heart , that she will understand how great the Father 's love is for her . I pray that her heart is open to receive all He has in store for her . It 's her birthday today . I 'm so thankful she was born . Jul25 I was out of town last weekend , flying by myself on an airplane and finding my way through Houston International Airport for a connecting flight . I felt like a grown up and a child at the same time , navigating signs , regulations , and my own insecurity . I did it , a bit nervously , with purpose . I went to get my granddaughter who lives - too - far - away and bring her home to stay with us for a month . I 've felt the contradicting emotions , the loving and the losing , the holding close and the giving up . The loss comes in different forms , whether by moving , misunderstanding , divorce , or death . It happens to all of us sooner or later . Share this : EmailPinterestFacebookGoogleLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted on July 25 , 2015 , in gifts , granddaughter , time and tagged traveling . 5 Comments I was blessed beyond measure to be at the birth of my first grandchild , a girl . Our one and only son and his beautiful wife lived close to us then , and her parents were driving from out of state to be here when she entered the hospital . So it was my great priviledge to be in the birthing room when that tiny little creature breathed her first and squalled like a baby . So when I get a Facebook message from that first grandgirl saying , " Dreamt that I arrived at your house after a long trip . I miss your face ! ! ! ! ! " , I weep . I just can 't help it . Because I . Miss . Her . Face . So . Very . Much ! I know I 'm not the only one . I have friends whose grandchildren live across country , and we often share our joys and heartaches at short bursts of togetherness and long stretches of being apart . We understand each other . So I rejoice with those almost - sisters who have new babies to hold and snuggle . They will cherish these days . And I weep with those who wish their grands were right next door , like mine were for twelve years . I thank God for those twelve wonderful years . I was given time to invest in relationships with three that are still precious and dear to this Grammy 's heart . Those years were a gift , an important and valuable gift that I don 't take for granted . In my tears , I will remember the hugs , the smiles , the cups of hot cocoa , the snuggles with a thousand Disney movies , the tucking into bed , the reading of books , the telling of stories , the prayers . Ah , the prayers . They never stop . They go wherever the grandchild goes because that is my connection with her and with God . Like this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted on October 31 , 2014 , in granddaughter , grandmother , joy , sorrow and tagged daily living , family , Loss , Love . 2 Comments Becoming a grandmother has been one of God 's best blessings . He is so creative to plan that as we get older , along come these little people to bring back the kid in us . When I was pregnant with my own child , some 30 plus years ago , there were no machines to picture the embryo in the womb . I barely got to hear the heartbeat in the last month . For the entire nine months , we had no idea what we were having . Several people told me I must be having a girl by the way I carried the baby . Someone else told me she could not imagine me with anything other than a girl . Did she mean that I was way too prissy to raise a son to be manly ? I still don 't know . When the doctor announced , " It 's a boy , " the surprise was wonderful . I was thrilled , delighted , overwhelmed and humbled to have been chosen by God to be mother to this wee baby boy . I loved every minute of him . After a number of years and a few heartaches , we realized our son would be an only child . I put away some of the things from my childhood , my doll furniture and dolls . The hope of giving them to a daughter were gone . Instead my days were filled with being mom to a boy , and not a dull one was among them . I picked out boy clothes and made a Spider Man cape . I bought little cars and trucks and yes , even fake guns , boy toys , for him to play with . I made his room look masculine and cut his hair to look like his dad 's . I was a den mother for a batch of his Cub Scout friends . I dealt with a caged gerbil that was bound and determined to escape . I even shared his affection with any number of the fairer sex , until I finally took second fiddle to the one woman who truly captured his heart . All the stuff boys are made of became our experiences , Sweet William and I . Can you even imagine , then , the excitement I felt when my son and sweet daughter - in - love announced they were having a girl . Visions of pink ribbons , frilly dresses , tea parties and baby dolls danced in my head . I was going to have a girl - child to snuggle and cuddle , to share girl playtime and chit chat , to experience female moments that can drive a guy to distraction . A girl would understand that giggles and tears are just an emotion away . Since that day 14 years ago , I 've been blessed with two more grandchildren , a loves - to - dress - up girl named Celeste and our all - boy Ethan . Let no one try to argue with me , there is a difference in boys and girls . And I am loving every single minute of experiencing their uniquness . Being a grandparent is like getting a do - over , a rewind , a second chance . The things I would have done differently with my son , I get to do differently with my grandchildren . Things I thought so importance during my son 's boyhood , really don 't seem to matter that much now . One day , I will pass on to my heavenly home . While I have this day , I want to build a house of memories for my grandchildren . I hope they remember laughter , funny stories , hugs and kisses , good - night prayers and blessings , unconditional love , complete acceptance . Share this : EmailPinterestFacebookGoogleLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted on May 24 , 2011 , in children , family , granddaughter , grandmother , grandson and tagged daily living , family , Legacy , Love . 4 Comments Dec17 Just a couple of months ago , late October , I said good - bye to an old friend , my 1993 Blue Cadillac Deville . Sweet William and I had purchased it used in 2001 from a couple who only drove to Southeast Christian Church on Sundays . Well , maybe it wasn 't exactly like that . We did , however , feel like we got a great used car that had been cared for and had low mileage for its age . It was big and roomy , had leather seats and a few bells and whistles , luxurious compared to what I was used to . And it had horsepower ! At the time of purchase , my two granddaughters fit comfortably in the back seat . When the grandson came along , there was plenty of room for all three of them . People who rode with me often said , " This car sure rides nice . " And it did . I loved driving that big blue car . We became friends . I was fairly recognizable driving around my home town . Not very many people drive light blue Cadis , so I was spotted easily . As the years and the mileage crept up on the Cadi , more repairs were needed . It was in the shop so many times our auto repair guy at Chuck 's Automotive came to expect us regularly . The last time the Cadi broke down on the side of the road this summer , I didn 't know whether to call Chuck or the county coroner . Bill and I began to think about looking for another car . After trying out several makes , models , and sizes , we found a pretty little black Honda Accord , 2007 with low mileage . It was another gently used car that we hoped would serve us for many years . Now I 'm driving incognito , no longer easily recognized as people pass me on the street . Have you noticed how many black cars are on the road ? Do you know how many black cars are in the parking lots ? A bunch , let me tell you . I stood beside one , pressing the key 's remote unlock button over and over while nothing happened . " Is the battery already dead in this thing ? " I thought , quite exasperated . Then I discovered it was not my car . Recently I was walking through the church parking lot looking for my black car in the dark of night , pressing the button over and over hoping the lights would flash where I could see them . Several cars looked promising until I realized people were in them with their lights on ready to exit . I 've been reading Matthew and Luke , reliving the story of the first Christmas . I find it so fascinating that God concealed Himself in the womb of a young virgin . His birth , though miraculous for certain , was still quite ordinary in most respects . Think of it - God Incognito ! The glory of the Almighty God was hidden , disguised , and undetected by most . Scripture tells us God revealed Himself to a choice few in the days surrounding his birth : Mary , Joseph , shepherds , wise men , Simeon , and Anna . After that , Jesus lived an undetected life for about 30 years , walking the earth disguised and hidden . Do you know how many Jewish boys ran along the paths around Galilee , how many were budding carpenters , hammering out wooden creations ? People watched him grow up , become a teenager , take on his manhood , and yet they didn 't recognize that He was God incognito . John 1 : 10 tells us He was in the world , and though the world was made by God through Him , it did not recognize Him . There is a funny thing about my little black Honda . It recognizes me when I push the unlock button . It flashes its lights at me even though I may not always see it . God recognizes those who are searchng , those looking for something they think they need , somthing they hope will satisfy . And all the time God is flashing His Light at them as if to say , " I 'm right here ! " Over and over in the Bible God says , " Call unto me and I will answer . . . " It is His assurance that He does not want to remain incognito any more . He wants to be found , to be recognized as the Savior who came in mystery , only to reveal His glory and His love on the cross . Share this : EmailPinterestFacebookGoogleLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted on December 17 , 2010 , in car , Christmas , God , granddaughter , grandson , Jesus , Peggy Wright , Scripture , searchng and tagged God , Jesus . 9 Comments Dec9 After an early morning appointment , I went to Little Flock to help set up chairs , music stands , and lights for the orchestra . The music department and media are gearing up for the annual Christmas Choir concert . This year 's " Gloria " promises to be glorious . I can 't wait to hear the drum line march in and play during " The Little Drummer Boy . " Afterward , I picked up the three grandchildren to help me with a little Christmas decorating . Pulling the multiple boxes from their storage area , I was amazed again at how much there is . The children and I looked at some of the items and remembered them from years before . I told them the story of the ceramic carolers I painted before I was married and the small village their daddy gave me to go with the carolers when he was old enough to buy a gift himself . They carefully placed them on the piano . Celeste found one small box and exclaimed , " The Snow Man Tea Set ! I love the Snow Man Tea Set . " She took it immediately and set it up in their room . Later , Celeste took a thow - away box and created a stable . She set up a manger scene in it . Ethan pretended to be a puppy , dressed up like an egyptian sheik , then became Robin Hood with a mask I made him from an old Christmas card . Elyse got on line to search for a Christmas tree for our house . No , I don 't have a tall tree this year for all the beautiful ornaments I 've collected through the years . But Elyse and I are still looking for the perfect one . I unpacked the Candy Cane mugs my mother gave me the last Christmas she was with us . The children already know that story . The mugs are treasures to me , and I think of her when I look at them . It just isn 't Christmas until those mugs are hung on the little rack and sitting on the kitchen counter . After the children left , there were boxes and greenery strewn about . Dishes needed washing . Stuff was in stacks here and there . The house was rather a shambles . I had to rush off to church for work , piano lessons , and choir practice . No time to pick up and put things in order . Back home , I looked at the mess that still waited for me . I thought about the good time we had today , the memories we had made , the food and laughter we had shared . This mess represents a little Christmas joy . And I am so glad for it . Share this : EmailPinterestFacebookGoogleLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted on December 9 , 2010 , in children , Christmas , family , food , fun , granddaughter , grandmother , grandson , Jesus , Peggy Wright , song and tagged God , Jesus , Love , Peggy Wright . 7 Comments Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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When I moved to New York in 1996 in a spasm of ambition and romanticism from which I am only recently recovering , it was to go to school . No cats allowed in the dorms . I dropped her off at my sister 's to live , and didn 't look back for almost seven years . This does not speak well to my character , I am aware . In the meantime I graduated from school , got married , moved into a relatively decent apartment , and made enough money to think about taking care of an animal . Which is a good thing , as my sister , and her pets , had had enough . Honey got along with other animals about as well as she got along with people , that is to say , not very , and her continued presence at my sister 's house made trouble for all concerned . Not to mention the behavior problems of having been abandoned by the only person she really even sort of liked in the world . I still feel a stab of guilt when I think of how her very simple kitty brain dealt with knowing that she had a person , even if she only vaguely remembered him , and that he was gone . After a conversation with my sister where she made it very clear that the cat was coming to live with me no matter what , I had her shipped from Las Vegas to Newark , a trip which , I 'm convinced , almost killed her . She was packed into an airplane and flown for hours across the country in dry air . She was dehydrated , terrified , and exhausted when I finally picked her up at the cargo shipping section of the airport . As I drove with her over the bridge to Newark airport , windows rolled up to block out the stench of the chemical plants , she climbed out of the container , stuck her head in my mouth to smell my breath , settled down on my chest , and began to purr contentedly . And thus began our real relationship . Her time away from me , and my time away from her , had given us both an opportunity to grow up a little . To call me a " late - bloomer " emotionally would be an understatement , but I had , in her absence , learned a little bit about putting someone else 's needs above my own . We began to get along , somewhPosted by Siamese Dream was released on July 27 , 1993 , per Wikipedia . I mention this because this was the thing I remember most about the day I got my cat . Not that I don 't remember getting the cat , because I do , very clearly , but I also remember that Honey was a surprise , and that my plan , that day , had been to get a copy ( on cassette , no less ) of the new Smashing Pumpkins album . Now , you 'd think that that would definatively date the start of my relationship with her , but you 'd be mistaken . I 'm pretty sure I didn 't buy the album on the day it came out . In fact , I probably bought it several months after it came out , possibly used from Zia Records , which was the record store where almost all my friends worked at one point or another in the nineties . So suffice to say there is some ambiguity about how long I 'd had her , how long she was alive , and , really , the exact nature of our relationship . Because nothing about my life at that time , and certainly nothing about that cat , was particularly normal . My friend Chris lived in a second floor apartment overlooking the Greyhound bus station in downtown Tucson . From one window , to the east , you could see the usual parade of homeless men and women , prostitutes , junkies and runaways that congregate around the no - man 's - land of a bus depot . Out the other window looking north stood the venerable Hotel Congress , with its old brick facade . The club downstairs , a gathering place for a particular type of Tucson denizen that today we 'd call " hipsters " , had a certain cache at the time . We 'd go back to Chris 's place after a show and people watch out the windows late into the night , observing the hook ups and the fights , checking out the scene and making fun of the crazies and the drunks , both career and amateur . We were also , at that time , trying very hard to become rock stars . As Bryan Adams said , we had a band and we tried real hard , and while Chris was driven , focused , talented , and optimistic , I was ambivalent , insecure , going through a manic religious phase while simuPosted by Are you : depressed ? lonely ? easily frustrated ? anxious ? Like , all the time ? and sometimes you worry that nobody likes you ? And that your fondest dreams are just ridiculous castles built on improbable clouds and that God thinks you 're kind of a joke for even wanting anything more than what you 've got , and why aren 't you content with what you have anyway , huh ? What 's wrong with you , for the love of Christ ? Well , have I got something for you . My apartment in 2003 with my then - wife Stephanie was an old , poorly maintained , huge , and above all cheap apartment far out in Queens . We moved in together there out of economic necessity , and the sheer gravitational pull of our mutual sloth kept us there for almost 10 years . It was a pleasant apartment , in a beautiful neighborhood , and we kept a revolving door of roommates in the various extra bedrooms to keep the rent extra cheap , but the place was a bit of a death trap . Leaky ceilings in a third floor apartment ( the floor above didn 't have leaks ) , plumbing put together by stoned day laborers ( evidence of their recreational pharmaceuticals littered the bathroom after they were gone ) and a general lackadaisical response time to any emergency from the management all detracted from the quality of life . The heat and hot water went out on a regular basis , but we heated water on the stove and wrapped our selves in layer upon layer of blanket and reminded each other of the ridiculously cheap rent . When Stephanie moved in in 1998 , the rent was $ 1 , 000 for a three bedroom , two bath . By the time I left in 2008 , it was all the way up to $ 1 , 500 . Total . So we put up with a lot of crap , including a thick , black mold in the walls and ceiling of the bathroom that didn 't go away no matter how we scrubbed or disinfected . After the unpleasantness downtown on 9 / 11 , both Stephanie and I began to get sinus infections and bronchitis on a regular basis , about every three months or so . As we had both been in Manhattan on that fateful day in September , we chalked up our disease to all the dead people dust and chemical detritus in the air from two falling buildings , when really we probably should have looked a little closer to home . Like the aforementioned black mold . After a particularly bad bout of sinusitis which morphed into bronchitis and left us up all night coughing and hacking and wheezing , the doctor prescribed Stephanie a bottle of Tylenol - 3 with codeine . This stuff is over the counter in Canada , so benign do they believe it to be . But after miserable nights of no sleep , popping two of these and actually being able to sleep an entire night through felt miraculous . I remember thinking , as I lay there , blissfully suspended between consciousness and sleep , that this must be what it felt like to sleep like the elves do ( nerd alert : condition red ) , Only Legolas still stepped as lightly as ever , his feet hardly seeming to press the grass , leaving no footprints as he passed ; but in the waybread of the elves he found all the sustenance that he needed , and he could sleep , if sleep it could be called by Men , resting his mind in the strange places of elvish dreams , even as he walked open - eyed in the light of this world . It just felt so good . Like all of my cares were soothed , like all of my worries were gone . Like I 'd been holding my breath my entire life , and only now was I able to , finally , let it go . I lay in bed , feeling actually content for the first time in ages . That should have been my first sign . If you have to take a substance just to feel normal , that is a very bad sign indeed . You should probably run , not walk , away . What followed was several months of taking all the codeine , then furtively stealing pain pills from Stephanie , and then drinking codeine cough syrup , finally portioning out my little stash until it was gone . It only takes a few months to really get a good jones going . By the time February of the following year rolled around , my stash was gone , I 'd stolen and taken any painkillers Stephanie had , and the doctor was on to me , refusing ( gently ) to prescribe me any more . I had to , as the cool kids say , kick . We spent some time up in New Hampshire at a friends house , my wife and my friend enjoying the snow , and me shaking and dealing with flu - like sypmtoms , all the while hating myself harder than I ever had before . And then , it was over . I felt if not awesome , at least no longer like death . Understand , I wasn 't turned off to drugs . I didn 't think drugs were bad . I loved drugs , I just figured I 'd done the wrong ones for me . So I got back on line and started exploring , as I still hoped to find God in a pill , and in the course of my research , came across a plant called kratom . Kratom is a tree , mitragyna speciosa , that grows primarily in Indonesia . It 's pretty big , up to 30 feet tall and 15 feet wide , but the tree isn 't what we want , or rather , we only want part of the tree . Just the leaves . Descriptions of the plant 's effects sounded , shall we say , familiar . " Kratom is one of the most effective and pleasurable psychoactive herbs available , " read the guide . " At strong doses ( 16 - 25 grams ) the effects are profoundly euphoric and immensely pleasurable . Typically people describe the effects as dreamy , ecstatic , and blissful . " Yep . Sign me up . Plus , it was natural ! What could possibly go wrong ! I got my batch of green , fuzzy , foul - smelling powder in the mail , mixed it up with soy milk and drank it down . It tasted terrible , possibly one of the worst things I 've ever tasted . My gorge rises even to this day , two and a half years after taking my last kratom , thinking of the gag - inducing bitterness of the stuff . But once I 'd choked it down , I sat back to wait for the effects . And it was perfect . A warmth spread in my stomach and chest , and it was like being cradled in gentle arms . A loving hug from the inside . Music was wonderful , TV was interesting . Just sitting was fantastic . Reading became a little difficult , but who needed to imagine things anyway ? This was what I had been looking for . Opiates like Percocet and codeine were only a few steps off of heroin , and everybody knew that shit was bad for you . But this , this was a terrible tasting , great feeling , all - natural high . I told everybody about it , I was so thrilled . It got rid of my colds , and it took care of my social anxiety . I took it in lieu of drinking and went to parties where I had meaningful , in - depth conversations with one or two people all night . I became such a convert , I even told my straight - laced folks about it , since my mom was on massive amounts of narcotics anyway due to an auto - immune condition . I figured she might as well get on the natural stuff . It was mellowing , but stimulating at the same time , like taking a handful of pills and chasing it with a redbull . It made me chatty , and relaxed , and warm , and calm . I loved it . It was a strange thing to realize that , inside , as often as I 'd felt loved , or helped by a benevolent universe , or blessed , or accomplished , or proud , or even satisfied and content , I had almost never felt warm . Or safe . Or secure . Can you imagine what it must have been like to finally feel like someone took that anxious ache that was so much a part of you that you barely even knew there was another way to feel , and just made it vanish ? As Burroughs , the junkie par excellence was fond of saying , " Wouldn 't you ? " Yes you would . Gladly . It eased boredom , it chased away anxiety , it killed fear , it made the mundane interesting , the dull charming and all that day - to - day stuff ultimately not even important . Ignorable . My housekeeping skills decreased from low to none . Clean what ? Why ? Since , apparently a couple of idiots in Bali or wherever had managed to get themselves addicted to the stuff ( and apparently the guys over in Australia , Myanmar , and Singapore thought it was dangerous enough to warrant making it illegal ) I decided to take some precautions . I made rules for myself . Never two days in a row , and never more than twice a week . I 'm great at prescriptions like that . Rules that are hard and fast and require no thought I can do . It 's when I start trying to make decisions that I get into trouble . I figured this way , I 'd be absolutely safe , no problem . If you 've ever heard of " chipping " in the context of heroin , that 's basically what I did . I set up rules , and then stuck to them , and set up a nice tidy routine for myself . I took it every week , twice a week , for five years . In 2008 into 2009 , things started to get a little choppy . I was having trouble concentrating at work . People began to comment that I was , maybe , possibly , using just a little too much of that stuff ? You think maybe , Scott ? and they worried a little . And I was having trouble being sociable , and I was having trouble concentrating at work ( where I would periodically use kratom , not often , just to , you know , alleviate the boredom of an unchallenging job that might have been more challenging had I bothered to show up mentally at all ) , and maybe I was having problems concentrating on my art , and the anxiety came back , harder this time , social and otherwise , and then I was having trouble with my sex life , and then I realized , I was kinda messed up . So I quit . What , like it was hard ? Rules are easy . Do this , don 't do that . There were a couple of tough weeks where I felt pretty bad , physically . Tired , on edge , achey . No big deal . It was when the physical symptoms dissipated that I realized that I was in a lot more trouble than I originally thought . All the problems that I 'd been having before , concentration , mood swings , anxiety , all of that came back , and now there was no magic powder , no relief valve to turn to when I wanted to shut it all off . Not only that , but my former blissful apathy had become horrible , gut - churning , aching , despairing apathy . I had no enthusiasm for anything . Projects were impossible , problems were insurmountable , nothing made sense or seemed like any fun at all . I was a mess . And I was pretty sure that it was never , ever going to end . I had damaged myself permanently , and now it was merely a long haul to the grave . About a year and a half into this , I was reading an interview with a formerly drug - addicted rock star , and he mentioned something called Post - Acute Withdrawal Syndrome , or PAWS , which is kind of a cute name for something that makes you want to kill yourself really hard . I did a little research and found out that after you go through withdrawal , you start to manifest other symptoms . Like what ? Oh , like : Yeah , that was me . And the kicker ? The research I read told me that all of this delicious horror would last about two years . Two years ! So here we are , 2011 . And I 'm starting , just , to feel like a human goddamn being again . I sometimes wonder if something has changed . If I permanently damaged myself in my little flirtation with darkness . I have to assume , since I 'm writing again , since I feel slightly less crippled , since I feel like I can handle the problems life throws at me , that I 'm getting better . It was a long , horrible road , but I 'm still walking , and the scenery seems to be getting nicer . It 's not all uphill , anymore , and there sometimes feels like there 's a wind at my back , sun on my shoulders . I still want to do drugs , of course . All the time . But not quite as much , and not quite as often . So maybe there 's some hope . I do yoga . I meditate . I go for walks . I write . I 'm here . Things don 't feel empty and meaningless . I am learning how to have friends again . I can see beauty and not have it stab my heart . I can pray and not feel like I 'm fighting for my life . I get up in the morning , go to work , write my words , love Katie , try to be a good person , fail sometimes , get up , try again . Fantasy and Science Fiction writers have a fascination with extinction . Witness Peter S . Beagle 's The Last Unicorn as the exemplar of the type : a lone individual , last of a dying breed , struggling against the inevitable final darkness in an uncaring world . There 's an element of pathos and glamour that surrounds characters like this that makes for a poignant read , and the longing for a past full of joy and possibility is an emotion to which many can relate . Nothing in this world is made to last , and we are all on a long march to the grave , alas . Glen Duncan 's book The Last Werewolf takes these emotions and adds to them the salt of blasphemy , sex , and a love of life coupled with a world - weariness that creates a great new addition to the genre . Imagine a vampire book with the pretension removed and the animal blood - lust turned up to eleven , all narrated in a voice that drops off - hand jewels of prose a dozen to a page . Jacob discovers that he is the last werewolf on earth after all his fellow shape - shifters have been hunted down and killed by the para - military group WOCOP ( the World Organization for the Control of Occult Phenomenon ) . The head of WOCOP has vowed to kill Jacob himself , and despite Jacob 's ennui after 200 years of life , there begins a desperate chase with shifting identities , secret assignations , and fight scenes worthy of Jason Bourne . Werewolf has an exciting , involving plot , but the real treat in this book is the prose . Glen Duncan creates a likable , wise , and profane mass - murderer in his werewolf , who genuinely grapples with his existentialism and lack of faith . " You love life because life 's all there is . There 's no God and that 's His only Commandment , " one character says to Jacob , and that really seems to be the main message of the book - God or no , we make our own beauty and meaning in this life in which we are all born to die . But to accuse The Last Werewolf of being a " message " book does it a disservice . This is a great fantasy / action - adventure / thriller , with some well - thoughtPosted by New York City is a very special place . I remember the first time I ever felt its spell , one night back in 1997 , sitting in a dark cafe on the Upper West Side with the first girl I 'd ever truly loved who loved me back , watching the snow come down in giant flakes on the streets and cars outside . The fact that the love affair went south does nothing to diminish the memory . New York became , for me , a place of rough magic , bloody and grounded and friendly and terrifying all at once . It seemed to have its own spirit , its own desires and preferences , a sense of itself and its purpose . I could , sometimes , when I was on the right track , feel myself fitting into the flow of it the way a swimmer in a river might feel his speed increase when he swam with the current , but I still wasn 't ready . I moved far out into Queens , to the Shire , and hobbit - ized myself as best I could . I learned to love good food and quiet company and simple pleasures . But I became addicted to ease and pleasure , and I diminished myself , ransoming my future for an easy present , not counting the interest I would have to pay on the debt , both financial and spiritual . And then I fell in love , and I went into the world of men and tried to grow taller . I found that it was tough to get big after you 've made yourself small . I wasn 't ready for Crown Heights and entrances covered in blood , I wasn 't ready for hostility and racism ( my own and that of others ) , and I certainly wasn 't ready for bedbugs and poverty ( again , my own and that of others ) . I won 't say Crown Heights was Mordor , but it was a lot harsher than I was ready for . I also stopped using drugs , and all my problems came back , with interest . Finally , I moved to Park Slope , to Rivendell , to heal and to find myself again . Over the past few years I 've found some peace , some quiet , some equilibrium . And I 've once again been able to find my love of the City . But I have found that the City has changed . Manhattan has smoothed some of its rough edges . It 's gotten a face lift , and though it 's prettier , it 's not as Posted by The Collected Poems of W . B . YeatsLove and Will - Rollo MayScreams from the Balcony - C . BukowskiThe Selected Works of T . S . Spivet - Reif LarsenSupergods - Grant MorrisonA Garden of Pomegranates - Israel RegardieThe Conference of Birds - AttarOcean of Sound - David ToopThe Shack - Young ( given to me by my parents - do I need more Christian thriller novels in my life ? ) The Physics of Superheros - James KakaliosThe O . Henry Prize Stories 2005How to Enjoy your Wine - Hugo JohnsonAll these are going on the list . I 'm making a Google Docs list which will include all these books , and cross them off as I am done with them . Gotta get ' em all ! Recently , a friend of mine lamented her increasingly large " to - read " pile . She had , sad to say , developed a rather substantial Amazon . com habit and had purchased far more books than she had capacity to read in a short amount of time . Leaving aside her shopping habits , I told her that , in order to get through the books she should make a list . I am very fond of lists , myself . They always help me focus , and given that I am a bit addled in my head when it comes to getting things done , I like to refer back to lists to keep me honest and on track . This is all part of , even this late in life , figuring out how the hell to deal with my rampant inattentiveness . So she put together a list of all the books that she had that she hadn 't yet read , and began plowing through them , marking them off the list as she finished them . Excellent solution , and all 's right with the world , right ? Not so fast . I started looking around my own , rather impressive collection ( oooh , new hashtag : # bookbrag ) , and found that there were many , many books in my own collection that I had yet to get around to reading . Now , I may be a hypocrite , but I am not a hypocrite ! If she could do it , so could I . So I began making a mental list of all the books in my collection that , either through lack of interest , or through fear ( yes you CAN be afraid of books . Shut up . ) I had yet to read . And there were . . . a few . A lot . Like , more than 30 . So in the interest of not being that guy , I have begun a project . I will read all of the remaining books in my collection . If , by the time my birthday rolls around in 2012 , I have NOT read these books I must get rid of them . That 's it . No excuses . I 've got to start somewhere . If I don 't read these books then I obviously don 't want to read these books and I shouldn 't keep them in my collection , because they 're just taking up space . And some of these books are awesome ! There 's V by Pynchon , a couple of books by Calasso , Don Quixote , Moby Dick , The Golden Bough , some books on Shamanism , and a whole bunch more . I 'll publish a full lisPosted by I 'm starting to find that , when I drink mate , I fall asleep . What the heck is that about ? Like , narcoleptic . I can barely keep my eyes open at work ( not that they 're challenging me so severely that I need to actually remain awake ) . Also , apparently mate can give you cancer ! Hooray ! I started drinking the stuff more heavily when I stopped using kratom , which now that I think about it , I really should write about . Fun stuff . I keep forgetting to write about it , and then remembering . Well , not today . Things that are fascinating me : The new season of Ultimate Fighter , The book I 'm writing about Brooklyn wizards , and my Kindle . That is all . The writing proceeds apace . I 'm starting to see a shape to the book and , even though I don 't know how it ends , I see HOW it ends , if that makes sense . The mechanics , the motivations , the why 's of these characters that can make certain events occur , and conclude . It 's interesting . I keep coming to these moments where I don 't know what 's next , and then , startlingly , I know . I see it . I tell a friend of mine about what 's happening , and I say , " Well , apparently , this is happening . " and I sound a little nonplussed , because , honestly , I have a general idea , but these characters surprise me . And here I am . Writing more . It seems I can 't help it . Once I get started , I can 't really stop . In totally unrelated news , one of my favorite authors , John Crowley ( though , seriously , Livejournal ? ) has an article at Laphams Quarterly about fiction and the future . In addition to being an excellent read by one of the more interesting minds out there , it 's also an insight into the process that , if I 'm guessing correctly , informed the creation of Engine Summer . He 's got some ideas about how writers predict the future in their work , and he brings up something I 've always found fascinating , especially as it relates to science fiction . When I was growing up , watching science fiction movies and TV shows and reading science fiction books , I always noticed how the future worlds these works created were always extrapolations of the present . Logan 's Run saw the future as polyester and plastic and curvilinear surfaces . The Tomorrow People was all brutalist architecture and the depression of 1970 's Great Britain . Star Trek looked like a 60 's hipster 's idea of the future , etc . etc . Crowley came up with an alternate method - figure out where things are going and posit the opposite trend . Really , he says it much better than I ever could , but it all made me think of Frank Herbert 's ideas on prescience in Dune . Herbert thought that any prescient vision automatically set into motion the circumstances under which it would come to pass . Well , we 've obviouslPosted by Two days in a row ! Woo - hoo ! Seriously , you take your celebrations where you can find them . The book comes along , slowly , but that 's a function of the routine I 've given myself . I 've taken a page from Graham Greene 's playbook , and I write 500 words a day . More if I 've got them , but I have to hit at least 500 words . That way , I still want to write when I 'm done . It 's a function , oddly enough , of doing yoga . " What , " I hear you say , " does yoga have to do with writing ? " Well , back in March , on Ash Wednesday , I decided that I would do yoga everyday for Lent . Rather than get rid of something , deny myself something , I figured it would be better to add a discipline . It went pretty well . I had a great program to help me do it which allowed me to keep track of how much time I spent per day , how much time per week , it allowed me to set up specific amounts of time to do certain poses , and it allowed me to see how many consecutive days I 'd done what I said I was going to do . This measuring , demanding a certain amount from oneself , allows for an amazing freedom . Aside from feeling slightly virtuous when you 've completed your allotted time ( no matter what other , less wholesome activities you might have engaged in before or after ) you could also have an objective measure . There was no weaseling out of it - either you 'd done it or not . The sense of order that this allowed me let me structure my day . It let me set boundaries with people around me - there was something I had to complete everyday , and everything else had to take a back seat . And as the days piled up , I realized that I was changing . My attitude was changing and my sense of self . And I realized that I was actually quite strong and capable , if I allowed myself to be . I 'm just past day 200 of doing yoga everyday , and I plan to keep going past a year , God willing . So that concept of gradual accretion seems to be working for me in the writing department , too . This is what I want to do , and so I do it , everyday , and after I 'm done , I can go through my day , knowing that I 've dPosted by Taking a cue from this guy I 've decided to write here more . In the post , he 's talking about writer 's block , which I don 't exactly suffer from . Logorrhea might be more the issue , most days , though there are occasions when the muse is a bit balky . Seth basically says we should write like we talk , and I 've been noticing the more I write the more I get to write the way I sound in my head , which , let me tell you kids , is WAY wittier and more awesome than you can even imagine . So writing today was like fighting through a fog . I 'm coming to the point where I know that I 'm going to have to come up with a structure for this book I 'm writing , or else it 's going to meander and wander away from me . It 's a book about gentrification , the energy and movement of urban spaces , race relations , and wizards . Really , it 's just about wizards . The rest of it is sort of incidental , primarily because , as a young - ish ( feeling ) white man , I don 't feel I can do the issues real justice . By putting it into a fantasy context , it feels like I can talk around it , address it without having to tackle it head on . Maybe that 's cowardly , but there are precedents - George Romero talking about race with his zombies . . . well , that 's the only really good one I can think of right now . Oh ! A Canticle for Liebowitz ! That 's two ! I 'm practically in the pantheon already ! So , I 've finished watching Game of Thrones ' first season , and I 'm terribly disappointed that there isn 't more right now . Right NOW ! I want it . I dream about these characters . I 'm enjoying the hell out of this weird little sword and soap opera . I seem to remember reading somewhere that GRRM wanted to write a little ditty about the War of the Roses , and I love how adding zombies and dragons tips the dynamics all over the place . It 's exactly the kind of thing I 've always wanted to make myself . I promise to write more tomorrow . It 's blathering , but I 'm going to make it mean something , I just know it . so the question remains - why do we do anything ? Is life just one damn thing after the other , in a vain attempt to find something to do before inevitable death swallows us ? Because that is the distinct impression I keep getting . My boss is pretty intense . She gets up at 3 : 15 in the morning to study for her Nutrition Master 's degree before coming to work and working way harder than I ever do . She described to me her day , and I got exhausted just thinking about it . Like , she REALLY wants this , but will it make her life better ? I sometimes think that the reason I don 't have as interesting and impressive a life is that I 'm not particularly interested in working that hard . I 'm lazy to my own detriment . Most religions tell us to slow down , stop worrying , stop fretting and making ourselves miserable . Just enjoy life and take it easy . Work at whatever is in front of you . But really , I don 't care anymore . I 've never wanted to DO anything . I 've always been interested in STOPPING doing . So , what ? Is this so - called blog going to be just an extended suicide note ? That seems dumb . But really , why do I do ANYTHING ? I don 't know , anymore . I love my wife , insanely , but I think I may have thought that she was going to save my life by giving me direction - that her intensity would give my life direction , coupled with the fact that I totally love her , all smashed into a singularity of awesomeness that would from then on be my life . I said to Katie , " You need to think of reasons to do things . " I need to think of reasons to do things . My four a day blog languishes , because I cannot , for the life of me , think of a reason to write it . Who reads it ? Who cares ? My wife ? Anybody else ? I write the most insane confessional stuff here , and there is literally nobody who reads it . It 's impressive , if you think about it . I 'm not even upset about it , it just sort of knocks the wind out of you . Like , why say anything if no one is listening . And if they are listening , why say anything anyway . What are they gonna do about it ? " You 're alone in the univPosted by " The way I see it , part of the problem is you just aren 't having fun . " She paused and thought about this for a moment . I was right . I was sorta right about me , too . * I * really wasn 't having much fun anymore , either . Why was that ? The pleasure I took in writing , gone . The pleasure I took in making music , gone . The pleasure I took in performing , gone . I don 't want to sound like I 'm depressed or anything , but I remember distinctly having friends , having a purpose . I even remember the day I stopped . I was at a party , I 'd finally admitted to myself that I didn 't love my wife , and the group of friends that my soon to be ex and I 'd been hanging with for the past 3 years were screening a video of the play we 'd done that previous summer . We 'd gotten rave reviews in the local press , sold out houses , and a real sense that we 'd accomplished something . It was going to be a great night . We watched the play . Everyone laughed at the funny parts , enjoyed the hell out of their own performances , and dug the hell out of each other . It was a mutual admiration society meeting , and everybody was a member in good standing . Except me . I watched in horror as the play that I thought had been so good while we were doing it sat there on the screen and stunk like a dead fish . Was * this * what we looked like ? Is * that * how we sounded ? All the things that we worked so hard on - was * this * the result ? People had told us we were great ! Were they lying ? I didn 't get it . But I couldn 't take it anymore . I got up and left the room , manned the bar for the rest of the evening . I was shaken . I could hear people laughing in the next room , enjoying themselves , and I was outside . I 've since learned that my prodigious kratom intake may have had something to do with my subsequent anxiety , anhedonia , and depression . I think I 'm still coming back from that . When I get an idea , a thought for a creative project , a desire to comment on someone 's blog post , for God 's sake , I 'll occasionally start , and then , midway through the first sentence , I 'll think , " Eh , what 's the poPosted by The past few days have been terrible , and it 's surprising how quickly my thoughts turn morbid when I am under the slightest bit of pressure . My wife hates her job , and I don 't know how to help her . Her depression is like all the lights in the house have been dimmed by a quarter : not enough to make it impossible to see , and a lot of the time you don 't even notice , but eventually you get a headache and a permanent squint . I 'm tired , even though I 'm getting plenty of sleep . I do yoga everyday , and it seems to be helping ( body - wise ) , but damn if I 'm not exhausted right now . Nothing 's free . I have stuff I could be doing , but I just want to sleep . I hate it all . It 's surprising - I am remarkably self - destructive when it comes to action . People ask what your sin is , and mine is certainly sloth . ( after the blindingly boring indulgence in self - pity that was my previous post , we now return you to to your regularly scheduled program ) . Listening to Alan Watts is often a humbling experience . On the one hand , he is a consummate raconteur , a " spiritual entertainer " as he often styled himself , with big ideas and a compelling delivery . He is one of the people I 'd like to emulate in my life , and , aside from the bit about being an alcoholic ( which I 'd also say I understand in some ways ) , I 'd say he 's one of my heroes . Now the other way that listening to Alan Watts is humbling is what happens when I try to explain what I heard to my wife . " So he says that since you can 't really love God , because you 're only doing it because you want something or because you 're afraid , you have to eventually get to the point where you realize that you CAN ' T love God , and only the part of you that is from God can love God , the part of you that * is * God . " I 'm sitting on the edge of the tub while she brushes her teeth after a long days work . " Wait , " she say , after spitting . " I don 't agree with that at all . " I 'm taken aback . Disagree ? With my beloved Alan Watts ? What could she mean ? And so I ask . " I love God , " she says . " I remember people telling me how great He was and how much He loved us and all the great things He did for us , and even though I didn 't really know what God was , I knew I loved him . Her . It . Whatever . " That made me stop . Now , of course Alan was going on his Zen / Gurdjieff / Rascally Guru trip , which is totally his thing . He loves the idea of " the fool that persists in his folly becomes wise " and going so far into the idea of separation that you realize that your separation is unworkable and that you are one with all things , etc . And it 's a good path . It works very well for the skeptical , the cynical , the intellectual . But Love is a mystic 's path too , and while the intellectual may scorn it , there is a case to be made that it is the real path of Christianity , tempered as it is with a certain rigor that the sarcastic , aphorism spPosted by I 've made a lot of bad decisions in my day . A list might take too long , and yet I 'm freakishly good at running them through my head at any given point : missed opportunities , enterprises abandoned before they bear fruit , friends lost , decisions made from a place of fear instead of love . I know every one , every decision , intimately , deeply . I know why I did it , why I * said * I did it , what I could have done differently . And here I am . 39 years old and with nothing to show in my life that resembles success . Talent I have , but I have no belief . Those guys that say you have to visualize your actions , see yourself succeeding , and then do it ? Yeah , I don 't know what to tell those guys . I just can 't see myself succeeding . I can 't believe it 's possible for me . I 've thought I was a failure since I was a little kid . I 'm tired of feeling this way . So , my meeting with my friend Paul last night didn 't really give me the boost I 'd hoped for . Far from having useful advice or a veteran 's perspective , he basically is in a similar situation , except that he has yet to complete his degree from Union . This is pretty much totally unhelpful , and we ended up emoting at each other all night about our various plans . I sound a little cranky about it , mostly because I 'm in a state about money , worried about my future , and trying to figure out what the hell I 'm doing . I have an idea , but I 'm not sure it 's a good one . The issue I 'm looking at is that I don 't have a clue about how to be happy . I don 't know what will make me happy in the future . Will I be happy doing theology ? Would I be happy getting a degree ? Will it matter , or will it be like Stephanie 's useless degree , which cost a shit ton and got her nothing but debt ? A thought I had was to get a Masters of Arts in Theology at General Theological Seminary , which is the Episcopal seminary , but I 'm worried that it a ) won 't be rigorous enough , b ) won 't be prestigious enough , c ) won 't be applicable . The Episcopal seminary has a degree in Ascetic Theology , and , like most things in my beloved church , is well outside the mainstream of Systematic Theology . However , in reading about Ascetic Theology , it seems to be very close to what I 'm interested in . If I had to put it into words , I 'd say that what I really want to talk about is the overlap between theology and meditation , in other words , I don 't want to just * think * about God , I want to find a way to encounter him directly . Eastern Religions ( e . g . Buddhism , Hinduism ) have proven and studied techniques for the access of other states of consciousness , and even Islam has techniques for approaching God ( zikr , salat ) . Christianity , while it has these techniques , de - emphasized them through the years . Obviously , we 're not talking ( at least not exactly talking ) about gnosticism , though there is a connection . God is not " knowable " the way we know about dogs , or roses , or stars , but a dirPosted by I had an argument with a TV character . An ANIMATED TV character , no less . Also , the argument was in my head , so there 's that . All told , not one of my finer moments , but one I feel a need to share . Brian from Family Guy is an atheist . Yes , Brian is also an animated , fictional , talking dog , but he represents a point of view I hear a lot on the internet . The usual arguments for atheism tend to revolve around the same few tropes , and Brian often comes back to them ( to be fair to Seth MacFarlane , I sometimes have difficulty telling if Brian is meant to be a parody of a self - righteous atheist , or an actual representative of atheism 's chief arguments ) . The one that particularly got under my skin is the one that goes something like , " Well when we looked into space with the Hubble Telescope , nobody saw a giant old man with a white beard . " The idea that believers in God , whatever flavor they may choose , believe literally in their particular anthropomorphic version of Divinity as represented in art is a little disingenuous . Let 's be clear . Most people I know who believe in God don 't believe in that version of God either . God is not a white , bearded , old ( sometimes more - or - less virile ) old man sitting on a cloud somewhere in space . Almost nobody for a moment takes that seriously . There are versions of faith out there that believe all the Sunday School versions of the bible : the six days of creation , the rivers turning to blood , the walking on water , etc . etc . etc . But that 's not stuff I believe , nor does anyone I know who has given it more than a few minutes thought . When the bible says " Man was made in God 's image , " that phrase has a very specific meaning . We are in the image of God , insofar as we are participants in creation . The creative principle by which the world came into being is the same creative urge that infuses our highest aspirations . When we speak ( cf . Emil Brunner ) we engage in the same process that spoke the world into existence . There are indications that the words we use to describe our world to ourselves litPosted by Right now the goal is trying to get back to yoga , trying to keep my wife from exploding from stress , trying to keep my band working , trying trying trying . Who really keeps track ? I 'm not really working at work these days ( the newest time suck : " Infinity Blade " keeps me nice and occupied when I should , perhaps , be polishing my resume and thinking about what jobs I really want to do ) . Oh , and I 'm really working to try to get on Jeopardy . I haven 't told anyone , because I 'm kind of afraid I 'm not as smart as I think I am , and if I tell people , they 'll find out I suck when it turns out that I didn 't know which president Chester A . Arthur was . ( 21st , I just looked it up - he was also part of the Stalwart branch of the Republican Party , and a defender of political patronage and machine politics . After Garfield was assassinated by Guiteau , Arthur actually moderated his position , became known as the " Father of Civil Service " and put in reforms to make civil servants more accountable . He was actually pretty cool ! Even Mark Twain liked him ! ) So I 've been DVRing jeopardy and keeping score . I 've been doing pretty well , with the occasional terrible game . I know a lot about what I know , but the narrow gaps in my knowledge are abysmal . It 's a bit like cutting a boil to let the pus out . I 've got all this wet sick inside me and I have no idea what to do about it . It probably won 't matter in a few days , once I 'm back to myself , but I need to put it somewhere where it doesn 't matter , where it can sit and fester in peace . Here 's the issue - why do anything ? What is the meaning of life ? What a stupid fucking cliche of a question , but there we are . So , since we 're asking , I mean , I 'm here , let 's chat : what is the meaning , the purpose of life , what is the " Ultimate concern " that Tillich speaks of ? In the sermon this past Sunday , Fr . Murphy said that Jesus life could be summed up in one line : " He went about , doing good . " Why do good ? It makes others happy ? One could say that it is the will of God that we be happy and free , that that is what he sent Jesus here for - to free the prisoner , heal the sick , liberate the oppressed . So say I go about doing good . Who 's going to heal me ? Who 's going to free me ? It keeps coming back to this - I 'll do OK for a while and then feel terrible , and the truth is , I 'm pretty sure that I don 't work hard enough , I 'm " work - shy " as the English term it . I don 't want to work that hard . I don 't want to do anything , most of the time . UGH . I 'm so fucking boring when I 'm like this . I know what I need to do : work harder , try again , put in the time , but why ? and for what ? Music ? Here is a fact : I could not play another note and the world would not be one bit different . Writing seems only purposeful ( and apparently has been since 1983 ) for venting my spleen . I mean , I can 't think of the last time I wrote with such flow and ease . All I really want to do is talk shit . Well here you , little wordsmith who lives in my brain : you get to talk as much shit as you want , right here . Just vomit to your heart 's content . Anyway , theology is a sucker 's game , there 's nothing I really want to / can do . I wish I could just give up , stop worrying , stop pretending there 's something I need to do . I 'm making myself sick with it , and I just want to stop , but ifPosted by Part of the reason this writing thing hasn 't been so fruitful lately is that I 've been afraid to say what I mean . I 've been angrier and more pent - up than even when I was with Stephanie , which is saying something , but I wrote more because I didn 't care what she thought . I knew she would never leave me , so I didn 't worry about anything I wrote . This may have caused me to be incidentally cruel , if that even makes sense . I just said what I said , and I didn 't really care about her feelings . In contrast , I REALLY care what Katie thinks . Her good mood , her happiness , her not sulking ( which she can do , like a master ) is paramount to me . I gauge the weather and the tilt of the earth by her . I am so pleased that she is my wife , and so into her , that I am obviously not going to write something that I think she might read and get upset about , as it will ruin my day , possibly my week . Though , truthfully , what will she do , withhold sex ? That 's cruel , but see , I need to be able to say shit like that . I know she 's not withholding sex deliberately , but I also know she 's not taking care of herself , because she 's scared to find out things are really broken , and she 's scared of the pain and discomfort of finding out exactly what IS wrong . Well , I 'm gonna keep bugging her about it . I titled this post " What did I google today ? " which is fun and clever and got me checking things ( add to the list " google history " ) . Here 's the list , in case anyone is interested : Today 10 : 32am Searched for stephany yantorn 10 : 27am Searched for google history - Viewed 1 result Not starredWeb History - google . com 10 : 23am Searched for amber benson 10 : 22am Searched for amber benson former vegetarian - Viewed 1 result Not starredAmber Benson Pics - Amber Benson Photo Gallery - 2010 . . . - allstarpics . net 10 : 20am Searched for Amber Benson - Viewed 2 results Not starred amber - benson . jpg 505 x 650 - 40k Not starredAmber Benson - Wikipedia , the free encyclopedia - wikipedia . org 10 : 15am Not starred | Best Hot Butter Rum Batter | | Paula Deen Slow Cooker . . . - allairportcPosted by Melancholy . Computer sits on my lap , almost 40 now ( nearly six months away , but I 've been feeling old lately ) , feeling just a touch sorry for myself . My previous blog bursts with activity and a sense of life - I was working it out , trying stuff , saying yes to everything that came along . Now , I spend most days at work , most nights at home , I don 't see my friends from those days much anymore . Why ? Guilt , mostly , I suppose . I spent a lot of time destroying the edifices of my life because I felt guilty that I had destroyed something that so many people believed in . I remember very distinctly those days when I was contemplating tearing it all down . I would do a lot of tarot readings in those days , and the card that came up , over and over , was The Tower - lightning crashing down on a seemingly impregnable stone tower , splitting it , burning it , two figures tumble from the top . That 's what I did . I wanted more . And now I have it . It is less social , less connected , less creative , less successful , and I am older . I did this , and I would do it again . This may not be wise , but it is true . I might do it differently , in a different way , but I would still have burned it all to the ground , if I had to . 2006 - 2008 was challenging , and 2009 was awful . God it was terrible . 2010 was a slow dawning after the pitch black night , with a beautiful sunrise around September . So now what ? Why do this all again ? Why pretend that anything can be like it was ? People have moved , broken up , and the people that haven 't , the ones that haven 't moved on to brighter pastures , well , they seem like a lot of them are going through the motions . Maybe they are . We can 't have the world the way it was , and wanting it , harkening back to some golden age , is just my usual bullshit that I indulge in when it 's past midnight on a weeknight and I know I 've got an early day at work tomorrow . It 's the new year , and we can do stuff , and we can try again , and we can be humble . I can be humble , I can try again , try to build a life . There is no law saying I 'm too old , I jusPosted by Grew up in Tucson , moved to New York City in the mid - nineties . I write fiction and poetry , occasionally make music , think thoughts , and dream my dreams . I 'm a long - time vegetarian , love to swim and ride bikes .
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What Might Happen If You Let Your Kid Play Outside , Alone ? May 22 , 2010 Hi Readers ! In response to my downer about dealing with a tsunami of media " What If ? " s , here 's one woman 's note answer to : What happens when you , with some slight hesitation , let your child go outside on her own ? My daughter ( 10 ) has been riding her bike to school for a month now , with buddies , but no adult . It started out with just her wanting to and me saying yes , which traveled through the grapevine and triggered a flood of calls from the other moms . " Are you REALLY allowing this ? Are you nuts ? What if this / that ? But but but … " And many conversations and several holes bitten through my tongue later , we have 4 regular riders and many more that , although they aren 't allowed on the school ride , are allowed a wider radius of the neighborhood for riding . The whole pack of them roam the neighborhood after school and on the weekends , with no adults around . They 're all still alive and well , some of the moms have relaxed and seen the light , and the kids have met many neighbors they didn 't know at all before . One elderly neighbor has been given the nickname " Candy Man " because when he sees the pack of them go by , he goes out to the street with a big bag of candy and lets them each choose one . ( Needless to say , they looooove the Candy Man ! ) Another one has a dachshund they just adore , so they 'll go up and ask if they can " borrow " her dog to pet for a while . Sometimes they 'll show up en masse at another kids house , grab the family dog , and take it for a walk ( you haven 't lived until you 've seen 8 kids walking 1 dog ) . Without your book and this site , I don 't know that I would have allowed the school ride . And look what it started ! I won 't be taking my daughter to the park and leaving her there on Saturday . I 'll be telling her to get on her bike and GO to the park and hang out with her buddies , and be home when the street lights come on ! ( Meanwhile , I 'll be leisurely reading on the couch ! ) - A Free - Range Mom DITTO ! Our 14 year old asked to ride his bike alone during " Ride to Work & School Week " . We hesitated because part of the ride is through a few miles of narrow , windy country roads that are heavily used by folks , who are at times , talking on their cell phones , applying make up , texting , and eating as they take a short cut to Highway 17 . Yes , it was nerve wracking , but the look on my son 's face when he arrived after school , sweaty and beaming , was well worth it ! He tells us all about his observations and loves when adult riders give him a thumbs up . He 's been riding to school everyday now and the bonus is that he takes care of his bike better than ever before . This post is like a fairy tale for me . It 's what I dream of for my kids . My oldest daughter will be 9 this summer . Hopefully , we can start a movement in our little neighborhood . I 've been giving my kids more freedom over the last year , but this makes me think we need to start inviting other kids from our neighborhood to take part . Look for a pre - school centre that begins with a positive approach to risk and management . I 've just blogged about Cowgate U5 Centre in Edinburgh . The manager , Lynn McNair , is super and her work was formally recognised last year with an OBE from the Queen ! I am 48 year old mother with an almost 3 year old . I see for her the adventures in nature and with people that I enjoyed and that formed who I am . At 7 I was spending half days roaming acres around my home with my brother and friends . Building all kinds of forts in and around our little home too . Digging mud holes , climbing the tree onto the roof . Our job as parents is really only to raise children to be great adults . As for now I let her roam safely around my immediate un fenced in home and explore all the flora and fauna here in Hawaii . She spends hours doing it . My main goal over potty training was her learning to swim earlier this year . At the beach I let her play with little interuption . She heads for the tide pools and other kids . I try to always give her room to connect with people when we are out and about . @ Susan : Yes , yes , yes . Do it . Remember , it takes steps to get to where you want to go . Keep on doing what your doing . I 'm sure you kids have a few friends that they hang out with . When more kids see this type of interaction , they 'll want to participate as well . The hurdle is getting their parents to agree . As a Navy family we move a lot and with each one I seek out neighborhoods with lots of kids . We move in and my two say , " where are all the kids ? " With in a few weeks if not days of my children being sent outside to play the empty streets and tot lots would fill up . Not only do the children start playing outside more the adults join them . Now at 8 & 11 my two can go to friends houses on their own , & ride bikes in the residential area . I don 't send them to the park because our huge back yard is a park of sorts ! All this has paid off already . When we were in Europe for a week both were comfortable being out and about while knowing their limits . Your site was timely since we are about to do yet another move . This time I am going to look for an area where they can ride bikes to school , go to the youth center on their own , and encourage this independence . soon I hope to be coming home from work to find they started dinner 🙂 Boy howdy , I have quite the discussion going on my facebook page about this ! Lots of people saying " What about this girl who got kidnapped ? What if what if ? " But I also have a few defenders . I live in the 5th safest state ( crime wise ) in the US . I understand being worried your kid will get hurt . It 's very likely they 'll be scraped before they come home . But worrying they 'll be kidnapped , when the last kidnapping in Utah was Elizabeth Smart ? That 's just plain ridiculous . What a great website . My husband and I totally agree with letting our 13 year old go out and about . We even moved to a small town 6 years ago just for that purpose . Now , my son can ride his bike not just all over our neighborhood but into town to the IGA or Dollar Store or Subway ( there aren 't that many businesses where we live ) . He can go up to the small university gym and play pool or basketball ( it 's a christian school so the students are super nice to all the " town kids " ) . And just as close he can ride down a one lane country road that crosses through a creek and be swimming and fishing with his buddies all summer . To help allieviate worry I used to give him my cell phone ( and now he has his own ) . He would always call if he was going from one place to the next to let me know where he would be . I usually hear from him about once an hour if he 's out , letting me know he 's alright . This is how I grew up . It 's how my husband grew up . We knew our boys had to grow up this way too . Hi Lenore , I 've been following your blog , totally intrigued with the topic - I must admit that I have to use my mind to override my gut reaction to the idea of letting my daughter such free range . However , she 's only 4 , I 'm a logical person , and thus I have time for my gut to catch up with my brain = ) I follow your reasoning and agree on many points , and see the value of what you 're promoting - however , I can also see how our worst fears as a parent ( which I have to battle against myself ! ) can be counterproductive to what is actually better for our children . That 's my personality , able to empathize with both sides of a difficult issue . So , in your post today I read the words " open minded ' in reference to a recent interviewer , and that is how I feel , that I 'm open to this whole idea ( which is HALF the battle , right ? ) but think it would be really beneficial to have more intermediary and progressive steps and tools available to work up to the ideal scenarios you 're proposing , and perhaps there could be some common ground for those open , but still hesitant ? Just like children need the opportunity to experience expanding freedoms in order to learn how to handle it well , it 's the same for parents - we 'll get more and more comfortable working toward this goal of free range as we gain experience with it , and it works on both sides - both the parents and children learning and working together to find a good balance of the boundaries appropriate for each age and stage . I think providing some progressive steps to point parents in the right direction without taking the full plunge before ready / willing would be a huge step in the right direction toward gaining experience and comfort with this parenting philosophy . Thanks for what you do , I 'm a fan and will continue to follow , even if it 's just baby steps . I have just read the interview you did with Nathalie Rothschild on spiked . I think the Take your kids to the park . . and leave them Day is a fantastic idea . I don 't have kids myself but know a lot of people who do and who agree with you in the UK . Thank you for writing this enjoyable and thoughtful article . As a parent of two twenty - somethings , teacher and child - care provider ( a past life ) I can only say , " Absolutely ! " to your encouragement for parents to let their kids off the leash . It can happen slowly and in small steps until everyone is comfortable and acting responsibly . As a society , we have created our own child - rearing cul - de - sac that stifles healthy child development while wearing us parents out with worry , guilt and over - parenting . Imagine the possibilites ! I think that this is a big mistake . why should you be teaching parents to go against their gut / intinct ? There are a lot of idiots in the world who will leave children places . It 's one thing if the children are 10 , 12 , 13 and it 's another thing for toddlers - are you crazy ? I grew up in the 70s and 80s and at no point did my parents ever leave me alone in a park . We played in OUR NEIGHBORHOOD alone . Big difference . Wow . I am shocked at the passionate outrage , and how literal some people are taking this attempt at positivity . Perhaps you could simply leave your children to play while you go sit on a bench neaby & read a book ? Sit in your car ? Drive away for 5 minutes to grab a coffee ? Whatever you are comfortable with . The whole point was to see that a mature ( yes people , let 's use the common sense Lenore assumes we have as parents - there was NEVER any advocation for leaving infants or toddlers alone . ) child could be trusted among other childen , without constant parental input or approval . I can see that this is a training exercise for parents MUCH more than for children . I 'm scared of the day my kids learn how to ride bikes … not for them but because I 'll have to finally learn too ! I 'm a little surprised how many anti - FRK posters there seem to be now , but I guess the park day thing just brought on a lot of media attention all at once . I just wish those posters would bother to read the site a little before assuming we 're advocating a dog park for toddlers or something . Now that I am a parent I have been looking back on my childhood in a medium size upper midwestern town . I lived across from a large park that I played in from morning to night and in the winter I was there ice skating until my toes were frozen . I lived in that park from about the age of 5 until I left for college . Based on the parenting styles that I am witnessing , I feared that my child would not experience the joy of independence like I had … . . apparently I am wrong and there are , and I will meet other parents out there as he grows . Thanks for the blog and the posting of the letter . I love that letter and can picture so many faces and people from my neighborhood and I think back on how many eyes and people were actually watching over us . Neighbors new our names and our homes and as a result out lives were richer and safer . It 's boggles my mind that parents who leave a 3 month old baby in the care of people they hardly know for 8 hours day , will turn around and treat them like infants 10 years later when it doesn 't do any good . Studies say daycare has no lasting effects on children , but maybe they need to go one step further and study the parents - a great deal of them seem to be suffering some kind of lingering guilt . Just a thought . I 'm the queen of worrywarts , vein on the forehead and everything , so I enrolled my daughter in martial arts . The day she dislocated my knee while practicing , I stopped worrying . You guys sound like Chicken Little ! " The sky is falling ! The sky is falling ! " News flash - just like in the story , it ISN ' T . People like yourself take a small amount of data ( ' Child in Maine kidnapped ! ' ) and stretch it to mean that every child in the entire world is in danger of being kidnapped . They AREN ' T . We have a bureau dedicated to collecting the statistics to SHOW people like yourself that it was just an apple that fell on your head , not the sky - but it 's so difficult when the skulls are so thick and eyes so blind . It 's humorous and extremely sad - lemme tell ya . And as a few other people pointed out - ( again , that tendency of people like yourself to take a bit of data and stretch it to conform your imaginations ) - no one ever advocated taking a 2 - year - old to the park to leave them there . If you have a child that doesn 't have any sense whatsoever ( which happens because people like yourself won 't even give them a tinge of freedom to learn common sense ) , don 't take them to the park . Let them outside on your block to start , then work to larger freedoms . If you let you drop your infant or toddler off at the park and leave - now that isn 't free - range but stupid and negligent . Again - not what is being advocated here . Best of luck to you , Anon . Remember - it 's an apple , not the whole sky . If you figure that out , the world becomes a much nicer and pleasant place to live . @ anon … did you not have a playground IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD ? ! Most neighborhoods have parks . Parks with playgrounds . Playgrounds that often have NO KIDS on them , as parents keep their precious snowflakes cooped up in the house , or at supervised , organized activities . My 4 year old ( yes 4 ) grandson gets taken to the park at least 3 times a week . Of course we don 't leave him there , but we encourage him to play with the other kids that are there , we don 't hover while he climbs , and we sure as all get - out don 't climb up there with him . But by the time he 's 8 ? I sure as hell expect we can either take him to the park and let him play while we take a walk , or send him to the park , and tell him when he 's expected home . Free range parents are not irresponsible or negligible parents ; we use our common sense and follow our gut all the time . And our gut tells us that the more scary scenario is a future in which children are unable to make decisions for themselves or know how to socialize and empathize with their contemporaries . Yes , we all have that twinge in our hearts sometimes about the " what if ? " 's in life , but our " what if ? " 's are different from yours . We understand and recognize that the world is a big scary place , but we analyze it and determine what is the most appropriate risk to take with minimal losses . Sorry , if that sounds too logical or scientific in terms of parenting , but when we made the decision to carry that child to term and be a parent , we were taking the biggest risk of all and everything that came with it : to lose our hearts by letting them walk outside our bodies and grow up . Please take the time to read what free range kids is about before casting insidious allegations against us and calling us " well - intentioned but idiotic " , " irresponsible " , and " disingenuous " . At the end of the day , we are all on the same side : the side that wants our kids to be successful . We 're just taking a different path to get there and we hope that you will open your heart and mind to see the benefits of that path . What if we leave our kids inside ? What if we keep them cooped up until they are 18 ? What if we never let them develop any sense of responsibility ? What if they get diabetes and heart disease because they 've been sitting on the couch playing Wii * safely * supervised for 15 years ? What if we never let them solve their own problems because we are constantly hovering and interfering ? Then , they will live with us until they are 30 ! No thank you ! I find it kind of ironic that a thousand years ago , the expected life - span was 30 . Now , it 's when " kids " finally grow up . Yikes ! @ Anon : nowhere did Lenore ever advocate leaving young kids ALONE . It 'd be one thing if 4 y . o . kids were accompanied by an older sibling ( like 10 yrs . and up ) for playtime at the park , sans parent . Just ' dumping ' kids at the park was not the intent of today 's event . I have a 6 1 / 2 y . o . daughter , and were we not busy today , would send her , but only in the company of another child or two ( and one of them a bit older too ) . Too many people are getting their proverbial panties in a knot over this being an ' excuse ' to abdicate responsiblity or being neglectful towards kids . @ Carbine : interesting point . I did have my daughter in daycare from age 3 mos . ( both DH and I had to work , and we didn 't have family caregivers to help out ) . However , there are people who think even getting a babysitter / childcare provider outside the family is a fearful thing to do . I put a lot of thought into where I had to place DD while I worked , and I wound up using a facility where she was treated well , learned a lot , and even made some friends in the process . And I don 't feel any residual guilt for having DD in daycare , nor am I overprotective ( I don 't think so ) - it 's just a matter of doling out degrees of independence to my daughter at what I feel are age - appropriate levels . Is society more dangerous now than we were kids ? Not necessarily - we are more aware , thanks to parents being more open with their children ( a good thing ) about things that MAY happen , and the advent of more news coverage on such stories ( a bad thing , esp . with the likes of Nancy Grace , etc . , ) I find the abnormal fear factors to be a bit silly and feel that arming your child with confidence and a modicum of common sense will serve him / her well in life . Of course , children were likely to die in the least as well as in the most permissive of homes . Children get sick . They have accidents . And when you don 't have modern medicine , there 's not a heck of a lot you can do about it . ( Even WITH modern medicine , sometimes there 's not much you can do about it anyway . ) All I can say is " wow " . Lenore , do you even know how free - range really works ? Free - range animals never leave their young along . They always eat and roam in a group . We should all be as smart as the " free - range " animals you keep referring too . Went to the park today . It rained all morning , but as soon as it stopped we headed over . My daughter is 2 and she played with her 3 year - old cousin . They climbed all over our super tall playground all by themselves and the cousin went down the big slide and didn 't want mom at the bottom to catch her . After an hour or so a couple girls showed up on their bikes . But thanks to the darn rain it was a pretty quiet park day . " American Woman " has obviously NOT read Lenore 's book . There are 2 kinds of skeptics : Those who want to believe an idea or concept and suspend their criticism while reading up on what 's behind it indepth . ( in this case , reading Lenore 's Free - Range Kids book ) And then there are those like " American Women " who , from the start are not about to change their minds . They hear about something and castigate it BEFORE understanding it . But it 's never too late to change . I 'm amazed this is even controversial . I certainly biked in the street . I remember the first time I was sent to the town center alone on an errand . I was six years old , and it was to buy a gallon of vanilla at Brigham 's ice cream . My au pair gave me the money . I was so proud to go all alone ! After that , I was always going for walks or to the center or to the park by myself . The first time I babysat my brother I was seven and he was two . It was when my parents drove my au pair to the airport . It was for an hour or two , early in the morning so we were still in bed anyways . I was very proud then , too . My first intercontinental flight without a relative was when I was 4 . I was in the company of a stewardess , though . The first time I flew intercontinentally WITHOUT the dreaded plastic " UM " bag I was 14 , and in charge of my brother . We changed planes in Zurich , and met a friend for lunch who worked at the airport . By the time I was a good enough swimmer , I was allowed to swim unsupervised in the lake outside our house . I must have been 9 or 10 . We 'd take rafts or the canoe out to the middle of the lake . I was given many swimming lessons before this , and of course the first season or two I was strong enough to swim across I was with my mom . It was about 1 / 4 mile across … I was 7 the first time I swam across . I can 't imagine keeping a kid cooped up all day . I would have gone crazy ! And I was hardly an athlete … I was a bookworm . I can 't imagine keeping a kid more inclined to physical activity cooped up . All I can say is " wow " . Lenore , do you even know how free - range really works ? Free - range animals never leave their young along . They always eat and roam in a group . We should all be as smart as the " free - range " animals you keep referring too . Some animals rarely leave their young . Others are more than willing to leave their young in the care of friends or relatives . And some leave their young alone all the time ! The greatest example here is rabbits , who basically visit their babies once a day to feed them - to do otherwise would be to attract predators . And of course there are animals that spend no time whatsoever with their young , which are expected to fend for themselves from the time they 're out in the fresh air , taking their first breaths . Now , of course , the pertinent question isn 't " how do chickens and pigs and scorpions raise their young " , nor yet " how do chimps and bonobos and gorillas raise their young " but " how do other humans raise children " . And the answer to that is that there are many , many ways to raise children worldwide , and everybody does it differently . * shrugs * So , what was the outcome of this event , nationwide ? Were there higher than average reported attempts at pedophiles plying unsuspecting kids to come see their puppies or get candy ? ( sarcasm implied ) Or did parents take advantage as they saw fit ? Although we had other obligations , my daughter had a free - range afternoon of sorts . My neighbor across the street had a huge party at her house , and the street was blocked to traffic ( there were over 100 guests throughout the afternoon / evening ) , so it was great to see kids of all ages running around , riding bikes , hula hooping , playing with chalk , climbing trees , singing karaoke , and socializing with little , if any , interference from adults . ( I only got nervous when I couldn 't find my daughter at one point , but she had gone in the house to use the bathroom - silly me ! ) I let my kindergartener walk to school alone for the first time today . It 's a short walk down our street and then onto a path - no streets to cross . We 've been practicing for a few weeks , with me walking far behind her or walking her only halfway . I got a call this morning from the school saying that while she was fine , it was their policy that adults have to escort kindergarteners inside the building - not even to the front door , but actually inside the building . Then the school told me that they " hear about things , " including kids from other districts being asked to get into strangers ' cars . @ Uly - besides what you said , Lenore 's use of Free - Range is a metaphor , not a strict analogy . It 's a really common , really bad failing people have of looking at a metaphor and thinking they can deconstruct a position based entirely on the choice of metaphor . OF COURSE " Free Range Kids " does not mean " raise your kids the way chickens do . " It means " let your kids have some freedom . " SHEESH ! The person who critiqued the position based on the behavior of animals 1 ) completely missed the point and 2 ) utterly wasted the bytes and bandwith consumed by her crashingly non - responsive comments . Kids hardly play anymore in their neighborhoods , and they 're suffering because of this . This presentation will provide a detailed set of recommendations for how you can give your kids a life of neighborhood play : 1 . Simplify Children 's Lives - to clear out time for neighborhood play ; 2 . Move to a Potential Playborhood ; 3 . Make a Neighborhood Hangout ; 4 . Embrace the Right Technologies that get kids socializing face - to - face and spending time outside . Facilitate Self - Reliance , Don 't Control ! Find out more at Playborhood . com ! Just wanted to report that I sent my 8 year old son to the park by himself ( for the first , and not last , time ) this Saturday . He walked there by himself ( walk a block , cross a street , he 's there ) , stayed for a pre - arranged time ( 45 minutes ) and walked home . He was absolutely giddy when he got back - so full of joy and independence and wanted to tell me all about his adventure , and what games he made up to play . This morning reading the local crime blog , a parent reported a five year old missing last evening ( it 's was dusk and warm out ) . The police did a secondary search of her own home … she was there . While all the surrounding town 's police were on notice , at least they found her before a reverse 911 in town . How embarrassing , yet if the five year old did leave without permission then the Department of Children and Families would be called in for an investigation and not calling the police would make it worst for the parents . Next time you lose a child in your own house ; calm down , say a little prayer to Saint Anthony and , take a moment to clear one 's head of negative thoughts , and then find your child . It 's works for me when I lose my keys . Door chimes / bells on the doors / gates may help also . I am surprised that this is controversial . When I was growing up I was riding my bike and walking my dog all over the neighbourhood all by my self from the age of 11 onwards . I almost never had anybody to go with me . These days my son is six years old and rides his bike to school and back while I accompany him either on foot or on my own bike . One of our neighbours has a six year old girl who is already insisting that her mother meet her 50m down the road from the school rather than on school grounds . Admittedly this is in suburban Melbourne , Australia . Australians get independent about travelling long distances pretty quickly . My 10yo son has been riding or walking to school all spring , recently a friend down the block was allowed to join him . Today those 2 biked to another friend 's house and picked him up on the way to school . A small start is still a start ! Viva la Free range ! Although we missed the Park Day event ( my 7yo had her Girl Scout Court of Awards that day so we were busy ) my kids have been playing outside alone for years . Ever since we moved back to Chicago when they were 4 , 5 and just turned 7 . Now they are almost 10 , 8 , 7 and just turned 4 . They are outside from morning until way after dark in the summer . The 4yo has to have 1 of her siblings outside with her but otherwise is allowed free range of our side of the street . My 3 have also been walking to school alone since March . It 's a 3 block walk ( takes about 8 minutes ) . They love it and feel so grown up in 1st , 2nd and 4th grades . They also walk themselves home from a park class they take on Fridays . This Friday is their last class and I plan to allow them to hang at the playground for awhile afterward . I would go insane if I wasn 't a free range parents . I can 't imagine having to follow my kids everywhere . They would be stuck indoors all the time because the heat bothers me and I get bored just sitting there watching them . So 3 years of the kids playing outside unsupervised and they are all still alive . So far the worst thing that has happened was my middle daughter sliced her foot open on some broken glass in our yard ( she was 6 at the time ) . her brother and his friend helped her inside and life went on . that 's what we should do instead ? ? Walking in the park ? ? ? And leave them there ? ? ? ? ) ▶ No Responses / * 0 ) { jQuery ( ' # comments ' ) . show ( ' ' , change _ location ( ) ) ; [… ] Free - Range Kids Fighting the belief that our children are in constant danger from creeps , kidnapping , germs , grades , flashers , frustration , failure , baby snatchers , bugs , bullies , men , sleepovers and / or the perils of a non - organic grape . Download the Free - Range Kids App ! For Android :
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I marinated in swimming holes until brackish water raisined my fingers . I plunged under , past pirate ships and sunken plunder , kicked to the core of the earth , kissed jellyfish , liking the the electric lick of their transparent tongues on my lips . I filched skeletons from coral beds , red in the light of distant underwater volcanoes . Even in the black heart of the ocean , oysters purpled and blued . The pearls in them shone like halos of Christ . And your ghost , a confused Jesus , walked under the water instead of on it . I couldn 't read the book of his face , couldn 't tell if he thought I was a honeyed twist of Magdalene 's hair , or the hammer that drove in his nails . I 'd kiss your feet if you 'd let me . I 'd walk across the ocean . I 'd Lazarus my love for you to life , because it was never dead anyway , not even sleeping . I suffocate it between my palms at night , pinch its nostrils , leave it for dead . The next day , it 's exploding my head again , emerging from its grave , its shroud a cloud that settles over my eyes until all I see is white . Thunder breaks something , and it 's not just the sky . I said if I left , when I died , I 'd wait on the other side for you . Death doesn 't scare me now . I dream river bottoms , soggy with longing and won 't - flinch vows . I dream your eyes . I dream red flowers shuddering cold in the fist of winter . I dream you didn 't mean the things you said . I dream you wish my love for you un - dead . I dreams knives . I dream fire . I dream my toes trembling on a circus wire . I dream myself falling , and I don 't care much . My skin doesn 't pink . My heart doesn 't wing . My mouth won 't scream . I used to know the taste of crimson . I used to sweat the smell of light . I could have divided every molecule by a million miracles , laid them out of the table two - by - two , amoebas entering the ark of a strip of bark , or making a raft of a dollop of grass in a glassy puddle . Now I measure my life like this : _________ days until I die . Last night , dream me wondered why you were watching . " I 'm loving you from the other side of the world , " you said . I took your blessed head in my hands , pulled the thorns from your graying hair , wound dandelions between your toes , anointed your skin with with holy water , made your kneecaps into altars to Mary . We are growing old . I see my wrinkles in the mirror of your face . There is a place just to the left of my to ribcage where I dug a hole and I buried every word you ever whispered . I have memorized the whorls of your fingertips . My lips have traced and tasted every bump of your tongue . Still , your name to me sounds like yellow . Still , I keep the faith . Still , I testify : the only amazing grace I ever knew was sewn like lace around the edges of your teeth . Last week , I dreamed the end of the world again . It came the way it always comes in my dreams . Rising water no one can escape even if she scales Everest . A liquid infused with horror , black and clotted , and the only thing to do is set up your lawn chair , hold the hands of your loved ones , and wait for it to swallow you . Always , my father , who passed years ago , is waiting for me at the place where I go with my children to die . Always , he tells me death is easy - it took 12 seconds for him - but I might throw up a little . Always , I ask him , " Daddy , is there a hell ? " And I wake with the realization that hell is that water , that rising tide of hatred and horror that is consuming the world while we walk around in trances , staring at screens , forgetting to be alive . As my dreams indicate , I 'm scared . Every time another bomb goes off , I 'm scared . Every time another school gets shot up , I 'm scared . I 'm scared at the prospect of a petty , angry man who can 't stop obsessing over someone making fun of his hand size being given the power to press the button on weapons of mass destruction . I 'm scared every time a black boy or man gets mown down in cold blood , and white men take to the Internet to vilify the victims , even if the victims are 12 - year - old boys . " Well , he did get sent to detention for rough housing that one time , you know . " I 'm scared when police officers , just trying to do their jobs and make the world safer , public servants who have nothing to do with those indefensible murders , are mown down in the streets . I 'm scared that we are willing to rape the only planet we have so that we can save our leftover fast food in Tupperware for a few days before we throw it away . I 'm so scared that yesterday , I thought something I 'd never dared think before . Maybe humankind is a blight on the earth 's sacred face . Maybe we deserve what 's coming for us , the man - made apocalypse we all seem so hell - bent on manifesting in the names of gods who stand at the edges of our solar system weeping for the planet destined to die at the hands of highly - evolved apes , who in their all - encompassing need to be right used their expanded brain size to manufacture weapons capable of destroying their planet , thinking , " Who cares as long as my enemies , those Christians or Muslims or atheists or Jews or Republicans or Democrats or blacks or whites or men or women go out screaming ? " God bless America . Allah Akbar . Down with the pigs . God is dead . All lives matter , mother fuckers . Yesterday , after I thought my dark thought , the one about maybe we deserve to die , I went to the home of Beth Kephart , a brilliant writer I met while teaching at Rosemont College 's MFA Retreat in June . As soon as I heard her read there , I knew I 'd stumbled on rare treasure . Her prose was like nothing I 'd ever heard before . Intricate . Adventurous . Mesmerizing . Breathtaking . I told her so in so many words , and so began a friendship I hope will last a long , long time . When I arrived at her home , I felt instantly swallowed by something " other , " something subtle and artistic and loving and beautiful , the exact opposite of hell . She fed me gorgeous cheeses and fruits and lemonade and showed me around her home and heart . As she spoke of writing and truth and integrity and beauty , I felt something . Hope . It went like this : sure , there are dictators and liars and cheats in the world . But there are Beth Kepharts too . Writing away , smiling softly , gently and unobtrusively weaving their squares of heaven and sewing them into the quilt of humanity . And as long as there are Beths , there is hope . Beth isn 't much interested in fame and fortune , as incredibly gifted , prolific , and lauded as she is . She 's interested in art . She 's interested in authenticity . She 's interested in humanity . She showed me her shelves and shelves of books . Books she had written . Books she had read . Books she uses to teach . As she spoke , I looked at the carefully chosen pieces of art hanging on her walls , masks and glass figurines and an elegant wooden giraffe named " She " that Beth called her muse . Every object looked as if it was born to sit in exactly the place that Beth had placed it , as if when she found it , it had been waiting expectantly for her care and attention , as if that giraffe knew on some level that as soon as Beth saw it , it would become more than a hunk of wood . It would become a muse . That giraffe knew Beth would love it to life . Such is the redemptive power of an artist who loves . In the presence of Beth 's dedication and artistry , I felt like a mere dabbler , but it didn 't make me feel small . It reminded me why I do what I do . I write because I want to save the world . I teach because I want to save the world . Something in my soul has become obsessed with the prospect of saving this place before it 's too late . The best hope I have seen for our planet is in the hearts of loving artists , whose hands have the power to cradle minds and change them , say , " Hey , this is what it 's like to be me , not so different from you , can we put down the stones we picked up to slay one another in the Stone Age , can we topple the thrones , can we take a minute to see past the you vs . me , because in the big scheme of things , you are me , trapped as we are together on this speck spinning in space , 196 , 940 , 400 square miles of real estate , that 's all we 've got , and we have to find some way to share it peacefully . " One of my amazing creative writing students showed me this video last week when I was teaching a pre - college workshop at Lehigh University . Most of the time , the videos I share on this blog are supplementary , you know , just in case you 're into music . But this one isn 't . It 's life changing . Please watch it . As Beth reminded me , as my student reminded me , as this video reminded me , there is hope . And it lives in us . INTRODUCING MY THIRD LITERARY LOVE CHILD , THE LONG RIDE HOME ! July 18 , 2016July 18 , 2016Leave a comment I won 't lie . Yesterday sucked . It was one of those days where you feel like life whips out a bat and bashes you repeatedly in the face for no apparent reason . You 're standing there screaming , " Stop ! Wait ! What did I dooooooo ? ? ? ? " And life shows no mercy . The sucker just keeps having at you , man . To top it all off , I lost my new , very expensive glasses and was stumbling around half blind , thinking blurry thorn bushes were cats and trying to pet them . In desperation , I called my poor friend Polyxeni , whose job description of late seems to be " scraping Tawni off the floor . " She talked me down from " hysterical " to " semi - hysterical " before we hung up . Then I had a " you 'd better do something , I 'm fucking dying here " conversation with God as I was falling asleep ( my best prayers seem to be the most irreverent , I suppose because they are honest ) and fell asleep sobbing , feeling hopeless and cranky and generally gobsmacked . I had a " bad day " hangover when I woke up this morning . My head hurt , and my eyes were puffy , and I didn 't want to get up , but I had to because I had to teach . I was sulky and unenthusiastic as I got ready for my day , but as I was walking across campus ( I 'm teaching at Lehigh University this month ) toward breakfast , one of my students saw me . She was carrying my first book , Beauty of the Broken , and she yelled across the street , " I love this so much ! It 's amazing ! I can 't stop reading it ! " Which perked me up a little . Then I had French toast and coffee , and things got even better . ( As a side note , if you aren 't the kind of person who masks her pain with butter , syrup , and copious quantities of caffeine , I 'm not sure I want to know you . ) And then , I started teaching , and my students are kinda kick ass , so I felt a bit better again . After I worked through some exercises with my class , I gave them a writing assignment and checked my email because I 'd be damned if I was going to do anything work - related at just that moment . ( Sorry , work . I was grumpy . ) I had a letter from my editor at Sourcebooks . It said all kinds of nice things , telling me how the design team at Sourcebooks was in love with my new novel , and that she thought it was really commercially viable , and she was going to be sending editorial notes later this week . But this - this , boys and girls - was the kicker . She sent me the cover design for my new novel , The Long Ride Home , which will be released in Summer 2017 . I made a little involuntary squealy noise and almost burst into tears because I loved it so much . My class was somewhat startled by my sudden outpouring of strange noises , so I let them in on the secret , and they loved the cover as much as I do . Here it is , kids . My third - born literary love child . I am so not sad anymore . I sat in my chair all day , staring at my book cover , thinking what I would have given five years ago to be sitting in front of a classroom at Lehigh University besotted with the cover of my third book . Why was I such a brat yesterday ? I am living the life of my dreams ! As if your one sacred life could ever be outdone by the photoshopped , calculated sheen of a perfume ad . As if there was ever a meme that captured even a fraction of the awe you feel when you look at the face of the moon reflected to you , shattered and splintered , in a moaning mirror of sea . As if the echoes of ancient stars , finally reaching our eyes after eons of travel through the watery , warped web of space - time , could ever be eclipsed by the fleeting , bleached smile of an already decaying celebrity . The video below is wobbly , and the sound is bad , but it 's beautiful . It 's video taken the night a thunder storm knocked out the power in venue where Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers were scheduled to play , so they played in the parking lot . They are the band I followed for almost 20 years . I stopped counting the shows I saw a long time ago , but it was certainly more than a thousand . In a recent interview , when I was asked what my favorite word was , I said , " Roger . " Of course , the next question was , " Why ? " People often ask me why I love Roger so much , and I can never explain it . I don 't really want to . If I could cut open my soul and show you the part of me he woke up , you 'd understand . He , and this music , saved me . I found him when I was 28 , a small , scared , clinically depressed girl on the verge of suicide . Magic happened to me when I found him , magic that only happens once in a lifetime . Maybe sometimes never in a lifetime . I got lucky , baby , when I found him . For decades , I followed him around , letting his music wash over me and make me something new . I saw the world . I wrote my heart while sitting at rest stops and in airports and in dive bars waiting for him to take the stage ( and finally sold some of my writings ) . I was on my way to a Roger show when I got a call from my agent saying I had sold my first novel , Beauty of the Broken . I happened to be right by a sign that pointed me to a shrine to the Virgin Mary , so I stopped to say thank you . This is me saying thank you that day . I saw heaven . And yes , I saw hell too , and I kinda feel like after all these years , I know the difference . And he still falls solidly on the heaven side of my soul map , even after all I 've seen . He is still the brightest thing I 've ever known . Me at a Roger show . People made fun of me all the time for the way I lost myself at his shows . I didn 't give a shit . Sometimes , when you are saving your soul , you gotta do what you gotta do , never mind the rotten tomatoes being catapulted your way . ( In other news , I 'm about as white as white can be . This is the only dance move I know . Ok , I can also do the funky chicken . But only after a few glasses of wine . ) And people get all mad when I say that he saved me , and they say , " No , YOU saved you . " No , not really . You have no idea . You mean well . You don 't want me to give my power away like that . I am a strong woman , but it took something outside of me to save me . I was too far gone . Sure , it 's brave to stand alone , but I think it 's even braver to admit your weakness , and ask for help , and I did that , and then , I found him . It took heaven shot straight into my veins , via the medium of this man 's music , to bring an almost - dead girl back to life . Sometimes , things that are bigger than us , outside of ourselves , save us . That 's what makes the world so beautiful . We are not islands . We are not alone . Sometimes people touch us and heal us . Sometimes people sing us back to life . And true magic , the kind that can break you open and make you what you were born to be , can find you when you walk into a church . But sometimes , your church comes to you , dressed up as something mundane , and the only way you recognize it is it burns your heart like nothing ever has before or will again . If you are smart , you follow it , and you melt into it , like a worm melting into a cocoon , and finally , years later , you emerge , the goo have you having coalesced into something impossible , a flighted thing , a miraculous creature with wings . He was my cocoon . And my wings . That 's why . And I would still take a mother fucking bullet for him any day of the week . And if you have something ugly to say about him , just don 't say it to me . " Had I not know the darkness , I could not love the light . Were it not for gravity , there would be no flight . Had I not lost the path , I would never find my way . Equal parts my heart I gave to bloom and to decay . With a rattle and a grind , I find I 'm back at my favorite part . Well , I may not be your kind if your kind is faint of heart . When the world is sick and tired , and it 's begging you to fall apart , we may be hanging by a thread , but now we 're state of the art . " - Roger Clyne , " State of the Art " First of all , you are some of the best things about our lives . We love teaching you our precious craft . We love listening as you expound on the virtues ( or follies ) of the Hemingway , Joyce , Walker , Atwood you 've just read . We love watching your work evolve during the time that you are with us . We love hanging out with you and hearing about your life . We love learning from you . Second of all , when we tell you we admire your work , we think you have talent , we want you to keep writing , we mean it . Part of the reason we do this teaching creative writing thing , despite the fact that the money is normally shit , is it 's amazing to hold in our hands the work of someone whose voice is strong , whose language is lovely and lively , who has a story to tell . It 's like holding a crystal ball . We see your future as a world - changer unfold , and those of us who are sentimental like I am can barely blink back the tears . We are so lucky to be a part of your journey . Third of all , we feel wretched when you ask us to read extra work for you , and we have to say no . We hate disappointing you . We hate having to reassure you that it 's not you , it 's us . If we had the time , we 'd read every word you wrote , scribble sheaves of notes in the margins of every page . The problem is , we don 't have the time . Some of us are full time , tenure track professors , buckling under the weight of teaching classes and holding office hours and attending academic meetings and reading , reading , reading our students ' work , while still trying to find time to write . Some of us are adjunct professors , juggling numerous classes at various universities , getting paid almost nothing , trying to cobble together a living that allows us to keep doing what we love . Either way , we have to plan and execute our classes , which takes tons of time , and we must read stories , essays , and poems written by all of our students . We must ponder them and edit them and attempt to give constructive feedback on them . ( As a rule , I read every story / essay I receive at least twice , often three times , so I 'm coming from a thoughtful place instead of just spouting bullshit when I give my students feedback . Most of the teachers I know do the same . ) One semester , I had over 100 students . Even if each of my students turned in one story that semester , I would have had my hands full . But of course each of them turned in way more than one story . I literally spent every waking moment I wasn 't teaching responding to my students ' work . If I wanted to focus on my own writing at all ( which was really the point of studying writing all these years ) , I 'd have to carve time out of what should have been my sleeping hours . And if I wanted to read for pleasure , trying to keep abreast of what was happening in the industry I 've devoted my life to ? Well , sayonara , sleep . You can see where I 'm going with this . Last week , I taught at an amazing five - day - long MFA retreat at Rosemont College in Philadelphia . My job was to read 20 - page manuscript excerpts , edit them , and hold hour - long consultation sessions with each of the 13 students who had turned in a manuscript . I love this job . I 've done it for two years now , and both times , it 's been the highlight of my year . Rosemont College has an amazing , innovative MFA program , headed up by the brilliant Carla Spataro , and its students never fail to produce work that blows my mind . I am consistently inspired by the manuscripts I receive and often have to work hard to come up with constructive criticism for the students . Their writing is just that fresh , that good . As part of my job , I also was required ( and delighted ) to give a film interview / reading , attend other faculty film interviews , faculty and student readings , and various dinners . Additionally , I had the joy of meeting with an MFA student for whom I am serving as thesis advisor . And I had to keep up with the online classes I 'm teaching for another school ( which I usually did when I should have been sleeping ) . In other news , I had to find time to work with the various private students / clients I 've taken on from various places . Oh , and did I mention a local charity auctioned off a dinner with me ( which I was , by the way , thrilled to donate ) ? So while I loved every minute of my work , I was very , very busy . During a consultation , a beautiful , talented MFA student heard the praise I gave her and asked , understandably , if I 'd like to read the entire 150 pages she had written so I could get a better idea of the project . Why wouldn 't she ask ? I loved her work so much . Why wouldn 't I want to read more ? And I did want to read more . So badly . But I had to say no , explaining that while I would love to , I had no time to read extra work . Her face fell . She was embarrassed that she 'd asked in the first place . I could tell she thought that I was making excuses , that I didn 't really like her work as much as I said I did . Of course , she wasn 't the only student to ask me to read her completed manuscript . Had I said " yes " to her , I would have , in all fairness , had to say " yes " to all of them . And then , I would have been a dirty , rotten liar , making impossible promises , because no way in hell would I have been able to read hundreds of extra pages , no matter how much sleep I decided to forgo . When I was a creative writing student , I harbored vats of black , oozing self - doubt . When my teachers said they loved my work but never asked to read more than the measly 20 pages I 'd turned in , I thought it meant they didn 't really like it as much as they claimed . But I now know that they did . They too were drowning in oceans of never - ending reading and editing and teaching and consulting , trying to cobble together a living centered around the art they loved . I bet they wished I knew what I now wish my own students knew . I do love you . I do love your work . If I could save time in a bottle … ok , I 'm veering off the the tracks into sappy 70s pop territory here . But keep writing . Keep honing that gorgeous voice of yours . Keep showing up to class and getting / giving feedback . And someday , your work will be devoured by all sorts of people . Someday , we , your teachers , will be asking you to sign a first edition of that book you started in our class . Someday , we 'll be able to say we knew you when .
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Category : Uncategorized A Selfie , please ? The most eventful proposal for this year ( even though it 's only February ) has been the most recent one ; the after effects of which I am still reeling from . It has been distressing to the point that I 'd go to sleep not wanting to wake up the next day . Oh well . This latest dude has apparently been rejecting so many proposals but on " seeing my picture " and mind you nothing else he was convinced " that I was the one God had erm decided for him " . Er . According to the mother ( of mine ) I am very lucky because this is not the conventional proposal . Like hell ' tis not . I am not really sure how it all started but I know that the two points of contact , are the dude 's father and the mother ( of mine ) who have been going to lengths to make the match a reality ; the father because this is the one proposal the son is interested in , and the mother ( of mine ) because well it 's high fucking time . So , phone numbers were exchanged and I was told ( in more ways that one ) to talk very nicely to the boy . One fine morning I wake up to receive a message from the fellow 's father " suggesting that I message the son because the son had tried multiple times to get through " . I suggested the father that he perhaps tell his son to email me . I also mentioned my suspicion . " Multiple times ? " . I 'm sure dude 's father would have updated the mother ( of mine ) also suggesting that I should perhaps text the son , and in no time the mother ( of mine ) began the process of badgering me to initiate conversation , " because he tried " , " several times " . She 'd come over in person , call , text as well as get my aunt to do this . For instance , if I ignored the call she 'd call my aunt to make me pick up the phone . Gah . Anyway No way in hell was I going to initiate conversation with someone I have no intention of having anything to do with . Right ? So in order to make things easy for me , one fine day the aunt gets her husband to call the dude , and then tells the dude that I wanted to talk and lands the phone on me . Fuck . Awkward , I say hello only to get ambushed by a solid British accent . For about 30 seconds I was distracted until I heard a weird noice ( or my natural suspicion ) from near my window , to see my aunt peeping through to see whether I was actually talking . That brought me back to earth . After the conversation ended , late into the night I had miscalls ( to my phone ) which I chose to ignore and some messages asking me what I 'm upto . Whether I 'm free . Er yeah well I chose to ignore that . Shit hit the fan the next day . The mother ( of mine ) who came over and aunt were hounding me about how the conversation was going . Do you like ? Are u speaking nicely ? What is he saying ? ( All this in less than a day ) Naturally I was annoyed . Then a very loud conversation between the two sisters and one of their brothers take place where the brother inquires as to why proposals piss me off so much , whether I am not interested in marriage and if I am not , to then stop this all together . For about a minute I was like whoa . Finally . The aunt replies yeah then she will say she is not interested , to which her brother goes call her . So I was summoned and made to sit . I was asked the question to which I replied that I was simply not interested in these proposals . One started crying , the other started threatening and the uncle tried to maintain the peace . He asked the one crying , to stop the drama , the one threatening to stop being a moron and then told me to talk to the new dude and bag the deal . Err what happened to that whole thing about it won 't work if she 's not interested ? Then he asks me how long I need to talk to the fellow and see . I say online ? Without having ever met the dude ? ( Well these are just excuses because no way in hell , not a fucking proposal ) I say I need to meet in person . I also said how can I give a time , you can 't put a date to it . Apparently you go into something with a target he says , for instance when you do a degree you know you will complete it in three years . Similarly with a business venture . No amount of me saying that the two aren 't the same could convince him . So just to shut the whole lot up and to basically leave that toxic meeting I said three months . Then comes the bullet . Apparently the dude and his family wants to have the wedding in August so three months is not sufficient because then there wouldn 't be enough time to plan a wedding . So no one even thought that it was important to tell me about the bigger plan ? August business ? The hell . The fellow is supposed to have liveSo I had to message the fellow , who lost no time in getting right into the deal , that his folks want him to get married in August . When I asked whether he 'd be cut off from his inheritance if he didn 't comply , he didn 't find it too funny . When I said surely , you 've got to meet before he says yes I can come down in April to finalize matters . Wtf . What planet are you from ? I put up a non too flattering picture on whatsapp hoping to ward him off . Then the dude asks me whether those were my friends with me to which I said obviously . Then he asks me to share some " casual selfies " to which I replied that I 'm not a fan of selfies . The conversation ended there . What sort of nut job asks for selfies after speaking for less than a day ? I mean what planet is this loser from ? The next day the mother ( of mine ) calls to find out what happened because apparently dude had whined to daddy that I don 't seem to be interested or serious in this thing . He had also whined to daddy about my age , and if I 'm not ready now when will I ever be ? Mother wanted to know what I did . I used the selfie story to which she goes yeah but just to see you know , what 's wrong ? Wow . So she says she has to " think " , hangs up on me and immediately her sister 's phone rings . I overhear words like " call " , " Skype " and figure out that I 'd have to end up talking to the fellow . She immediately calls me back saying I should video chat with the fellow and when I say no way and point out that the conversation stopped because the fellow never replied , she responds by saying that he might be hurt by my response when I said " I 'm not comfortable with selfies " ( although I said not a fan of selfies I had to replace it with this because she 'd bring the roof down ) and that I should have explained why I didn 't want to send selfies . Besides she didn 't really see anything wrong with sending them . This is desperation on another level . I refused to initiate anything . I think she may have messaged the dudes dad who told her that she needs to stop forcing me and that by forcing she will be ruining my life . The mothers next course of action was to badger me into messaging the dudes father to indicate that I was not forced . Lord . My family does have a conflated view on words like " force " and " threaten " . I refused to do anything of that sort . She kept calling and messaging me throughout the day to check whether I called and would yell at me to speak to the fellow and show interest . Interest that I simply did not have . Then she 'd accuse me of being selfish and only think of myself ( which I know is the same thing ) and that I 'd suffer the consequences of all this later . Most of the time I 'd just hold the phone well away from my ear and in her enthusiasm she would not even notice . Sigh . For instance thThen she shows up yesterday and she asks me again whether I spoke to the fellow and whether I will , and when I said no , she tells me that there is another proposal and I better fucking agree to it and that she will be giving my number . Posted on February 23 , 2017Categories Humour , life , Marriage , Personal , Rant , Sarcasm , UncategorizedTags Blacksheep , blind date , Blind Dates , Culture , Dating , Family , Humour , Idiosyncrasies , Life , Marriage , Personal , Proposals , Rant , Sarcasm , SelfieLeave a comment on A Selfie , please ? Dude - Shoving ( Continues ) The dude - finding has not stopped . If at all the frequency and intensitiy of it has risen to something more like dude - shoving . One would have thought that at this ripe old age of 28 ( PLUS ) this dude - shoving would have stopped . The one before the two most recent ones went something along the lines of this . We had returned home ( I don 't remember from where ) and I put on my pjs and got to sleep when the mother at 11 in the freaking night tells me to go get dressed because I have to meet a prospective . So yes , put on some nice clothes , put on some make up and some high - heels so that I can seal the deal on this to get to Germany . Apparently the dude is from Germany and I 'd have to marry him and go " settle there " and my life would be complete . Ta da . So the course my life would take was already decided even before any one of us even saw the dude . Not even his name was relevant . So the dude arrived around 1130 and somewhere along the conversation he let 's me know that my " picture " and " bio - data " was passed around among four of them ( him , his brother , and two cousins ) by an " Aunty " . He is down on vacation and the night before he was to leave this happened . Hence the timing . So anyway the " picture " and " bio - data " completed one round among four boys . When it landed on him the second time , he had picked it up apparently and told the rest that he 'd just go and see what the deal is all about and that when he is back they could all have a good laugh about it . After all nothing to lose he mused . Honestly . And I just have to sit there and listen to this . What 's worse is that I have to sit through this humiliation due to no doing of mine . Ah . I 'm pretty sure half the Muslim male population of this country has been privy to these " pictures " and this " bio - data " of mine at some point in their lives . Anyway the meeting concluded around 1 odd . The guy was fairly decent in that he wasn 't planning on getting married anyway anytime soon so that means the whole thing was just going to be easier for me . The problem usually is when the fellow likes because then my family sure as hell can go to lengths . And breadths . For about a week or so the family was trying to make me join a class and learn German . They consulted a couple of relatives / friends who have gone on to " settle there " and assured me that it would be fine . I 'd have no problem . Language won 't be an issue . For example " this one 's wife said so " . Oh and " this one 's wife " is not studying nor working , so you know , just being a wife ( which is all fine and well but not how I hope to spend the rest of my life ) So the meeting was arranged on a particular day , but rescheduled without even checking on my availability . So although the meeting was to happen around 6 in eve I turned up around 730 ish . I was at a meeting but my phone was having its own party from 6 on wards . When I eventually got there , I found the fellows parents , a brother , and the wife of the other brother ( who at some point would demurely say that he ( her husband ) is in Dubai . . for work . . he works there . . I 'm just here on holiday ) . Okay the fact of the matter is that # dudemostimportant was nowhere to be seen . So apparently he works in London . I was also apparently told that only his family would come . I also apparently have memory issues . As customary , the men would sit separately and the women would sit separately . Once seated I was supposed to engage in conversation with the sister - in - law . She was decked in gold jewelry , married at probably 18 - 19 and lost no opportunity in referring to her husband every now and then , blushingly . Through out this episode I did not say anything apart from the occasional yes and no 's and yes I did keep looking at the time . The father was a real talker . Even when the rest of the family wanted to leave he just wanted to sit and talk . Once the guests left , it all started , the family started singing the praises of a boy whom they had never even met ever , based solely on what the boys family fed them . For instance , the boy has about 9 degrees and somehow that makes him perfect for me . Oh and there were a whole load of tosh that I don 't even remember . The fellows family called back saying no " she didn 't even talk to us " and the mother ( of mine ) tried to reassure them " it 's okay that 's how she is . . she 's shy around new people " . Nope didn 't work . Poor me . Posted on September 21 , 2015Categories UncategorizedLeave a comment on Ex Aequo Et Bono Dude Unfortunate . Let me introduce you to dude unfortunate . The " chosen one " out of the barrage of prospective candidates that ensued from the advertisement posted in the Matrimonial Section in the News Papers . He is currently working in the Maldives in the hospitality industry , appears fairly decent considering most of these proposals but , still a bit too cool for his shoes . Nevertheless since I am not even in the lookout none of what he is , is of any consequence to me . The two parents communicated and then the ball was thrown into my court . To mesmerize , to ensure that he I somehow seal the deal on this marriage do once and for all . At the first occasion while I was having my dinner , the phone was shoved in my face at which I fussed loud enough for dude unfortunate to hear " BUT I 'm having my dinner ? " So bloke unfortunate rather awkwardly goes " I will call you later " and he does . He called me half hour later . The conversation was entirely one - sided at which he gives me his entire life story in a nutshell and ends the conversation with another opening , " and I am on Viber " . The fact that the conversation was entirely one - sided didn 't strike him as odd since the mother had mentioned to him that I happen to be the " shy type " . Couple of days later he messages me on Viber ( yes the mother had taken the liberty of landing him my number ) which I ignored and pretended to have never got . This doesn 't stop the mother who dumps her phone on me and tries coaxing me to call him . I refuse . Then she does the usual , " You will call him , you will somehow makes this work and if not you can stop all your work and come and stay at home " ( this is just a watered down version of the entire conversation , much colorful language was used ) . She rings him , and dumps her phone on me and stares daggers at me while I pick up and say hi . Fortunately though she leaves , assuming I can 't do the whole giggly lovey tosh which so naturally happens when you talk to a random stranger you don 't want to talk to whilst she is standing there . Why these fellows cant read signals is really beyond me . First the one - sided conversation , then the ignored messages . So I tell him plainly what anyone with half a brain would have figured out , the fact that I am not interested , and that all this was the fam - bam forcing me . Done and Dusted I thought . The next day the mother calls me and goes " the boys parents want to come and see you . When shall I ask them to come , Saturday or Sunday ? " Gah . So then I had to find out from dude unfortunate what exactly is going on to which he goes " Your folks are insisting that my parents come and see you " . Oh the Embarrassment . So I ask him to try dodging it . The mother keeps hounding the fellow . Two days back when she came over she started hounding at me to call the fellow and when I refused she messages him inquiring him about his day . PSYCHOTIC . Then I had to message the fellow again asking him to just ignore and hopefully that she will stop . Dude unfortunate was ticked off , " thought you 'd deal with it ! Why don 't you tell them you don 't like me , without dragging me into it ! " . Oh Lord . Hahah . If it only were that easy . I said IGNORE . Now he is ignoring me ( which I obviously have NO problem whatsoever ) and the mother who promised me that somehow she will " get to the bottom of this " . Posted on April 11 , 2015April 11 , 2015Categories UncategorizedTags Blacksheep , Blind Dates , Crazy , Culture , Humour , Idiosyncrasies , Life , Marriage , Personal , Rant , Social Dictates1 Comment on Dude Unfortunate . The Expert The brother is currently in the country , resting from a knee surgery to replace a torn ligament . Now this injury dates to an incident where he jumped off a relatively high structure whilst in school just to prove that he can . Of course he can . He is still alive . And the rest of us are busy . Well this brother of mine , currently resting from the surgery , despite being younger than me is already married , his wife expecting a baby , no sooner the wedding . Well maybe due to his marital status , his impending fatherhood or some other similar logic my brain can 't quite fathom , he has been elevated to a status of authority . He is now an expert on women 's affairs . He gets to bitch about my way of life , whether my sister should be allowed to take - part in extra school activities , whether she should be allowed to meet her friends beyond a certain hour , he gets to sit in on important family discussions and his ' valuable input ' is taken into consideration , which generally borders on the likes of she shouldn 't be doing this , she shouldn 't be doing that . Tosh . However , we get to contribute to his life too . For instance , he cannot buy a shirt or a shoe by himself . Not even the counsel of his wife suffices . So yesterday , I tagged along with the two of them , along with my other little brother and the aunt to pick shirts and shoes for him . So I and my little brother would walk around picking shirts for him to try on . Then we 'd appraise it while he puts them on and then pays for it . Same with the shoes . We were stuck for nearly an hour trying to pick shoes for the poor guy . He put on a pair and turned to his wife , she responded with an " I don 't know " . I 'm thinking a simple yes or no would do . Surely , one would have an opinion . Next we had to pick shoes for her . We covered around four shoe shops all in which she walked around like she was in a trance while we did the picking . " Do you like this ? " " this ? " " how about this ? " I could tell even the aunt who is usually pretty tolerant was pissed . Well weirdly though when it comes to food , she can be specific . She wanted ribbon cake yesterday . The previous shopping expedition she wanted samosas . Yay . She is showing promise yeah ? Couple of days back we had to take them shopping for baby stuff . Cots , cot sheets , blankets etc . We nearly got killed ( slight exaggeration maybe ) when the brother decided to light some dynamite like object INSIDE THE CAR WITH THE SHUTTERS UP . It lit up emitting a crazy red flame , smell and hissing noise and he tries blowing on it to put out the damn thing . He continued with his frantic blowing until the aunt goes " throw it out of the window ! " I couldn 't help but think , he is going to have a baby … . Anyway at the babyshop when the wife consults him about a particular cot , he shrugs , " I don 't know " . Its almost as if the only thing these two can manage by themselves is to get the baby - making process set and going whilst everything else related and otherwise has to be decided by the rest of the world . And somehow he is more an expert on how we should live our lives than we could possibly ever be . I worry about their future child , well children because I 'm sure an army is to follow . Him with his care - free attitude , and she with women are nothing more than chattel disposition I have a feeling that we will have to play more of a role than a casual bystander in ensuring first the ' continuity of their lives ' and then everything related . Joy ! Oh but while I do it , I sure do have to put a shawl on ! Posted on March 18 , 2015Categories UncategorizedTags baby , Blacksheep , Blind Dates , Brother , Choice , Convention , Crazy , Culture , Decision , Expert , Family , Freedom , Humour , Idiosyncrasies , Life , Marriage , Personal , Rant , shopping , Social Dictates , SocietyLeave a comment on The Expert You can take a horse to water . . I don 't know why I don 't have this crazy obsession to get married . WHY OH WHY ! Life would have been so much less complicated for me if I did . It was only last week that I came upon some news that a GOOD friend of mine who pretty much broke every social convention out there had got engaged to his cousin . This particular news sent shock waves of revulsion throughout my entire body . Haha . For crying out loud he was my back up plan , say by 90 if I wasn 't married , I was going to marry him . Okay jokes apart , that is really gross . Okay back to my business , things are going from bad to worse for me . Two weeks from now I might have to travel out of town on work , a legal clinic to be precise and I shudder to think of the threats and abuse that is going to roll out of the mother 's tongue when she hears about it . I can 't even . Mind you this is at 26 and being a fully - fledged lawyer . What kind of abnormal society are we living in , that people who ditch school to get married receive more social acceptance than people who make a name for themselves ? Even those who are educated are pretty much educated for the wrong reasons . Boys are educated to find employment , girls are educated as good dowry . Sadly , most girls are just fine with this . They just go with the flow . When the time comes for marriage things get super crazy . Or so I feel . The sheer indignity of it is beyond anything words can express . The desktop of the mother 's computer has several pictures of me in several angles to be sent along with a little bio to every TD & H even marginally interested . I have been taken to a number of studios to have my pictures taken , it only stopped the last time I bawled my brains out in front of a gob - smacked photographer who was directing me to act all demure . Ew . That was the last professional attempt although several home based , efforts were made by family . I sulk and put up . The indignity of having your details ( Picture included ) sent across the country AND globe via email to someone 's someone who might have a nephew or friends son somewhere . Having your details advertised in the newspapers quite often and the resultant phone calls that come in seeking further details . Having random relatives talk about you / gaze at you with pity at random gatherings and then try to appease you by saying " time has to come " , " pray to God " , like you are utterly devastated or fucknot . The later it gets , the more desperate the family becomes . Yesterday I received a call from the mother screaming blue murder at me asking me to take down my whatsapp display picture . For crying out loud the picture was of me , grinning away like an idiot . BLEH . It has come to a point where I no longer have any control over my life ( albeit what I do on the sly ) whether it is about cutting my hair , the clothes I wear , the friends I associate , work , what I post on social media , you name it ! What people need to realize , in my context , is that you can take a horse to water , but you can 't make it drink . Heh . Id understand to a certain degree if all this came from people from my grandparents era , given that they had near perfect marriages , but coming from people who pretty much have sucky marriages is a whole new level of crazy . Anywayyyyyyy . LIFE . I guess this is the price you pay for being the odd one out . Posted on March 10 , 2015March 11 , 2015Categories UncategorizedTags Blacksheep , Blind Dates , Choice , Convention , Crazy , Culture , Family , Freedom , Humour , Idiosyncrasies , Life , Marriage , Personal , Rant , Social Dictates , SocietyLeave a comment on You can take a horse to water . . So I have a DEADLINE . Things are turning beyond bad and it looks like I will have to take extreme measures which can even turn out to be quite dangerous and absolutely ugly . I currently live at my aunts ( since October ) on the pretext that it is easy to travel to work . But the real reason is that things have turned so absolutely crazy that the mother uses every possible minute to dictate how I should live my life . How I should talk , how I should dress , etc etc . So living at my aunts is quite a relief because I don 't have to deal with it on a daily face to face basis . Just weekends , and the random days she comes over . And of course the constant barrage of texts . Somewhere around last month she said that I 'm on a deadline , and if by the end of the month I don 't don the hijab I will have to stay at home . What the hell , no way . Good for those who want to , but well its just not for me . Anyway while I was out of town last weekend for work ( a fundamental part of my job ) she texts me , " going out of control , will have to decide " . Fuck . These texts are real scary my brain actually shuts down and I am unable to concentrate on anything for a good while . Eh . I was supposed to return home on Saturday ( by home I mean aunts ) but I decided id just stay over at my friends and face the drama on Sunday . Returning on Saturday meant drama on Saturday plus Sunday . So Sunday is just one day less drama . So Sunday eve she starts calling . Well do I have an option ? So I go home to face the music . The nagging , the threats , the taunts , the abuse . . I get to aunts . She is there waiting for me . I wash up and then hide in my room until I am summoned . She calls me . Fuck . I 'm mortified . " get ready to come home , go get your bags " , I say no , I have work tomorrow . She goes there is a van ( office transport ) and that I can go in that . She was making things really ugly and that too in front of my uncle so I said fine call the van and see . She gets in touch with the van however fortunately for me they don 't take the same route . Plus they reach my work place at eight . Whereas my work place is quite flexy in terms of the time we start so nine is the right time . Yay ! Then she goes , " I gave you time , you better start covering from tomorrow " . Apparently men want " decent girls " . She also told me something about getting material and sewing me some tops . She even threatened to burn my clothes . Eh . I say no . What the hell . Then she goes " tell your work place that you won 't be travelling from now onwards " . I said " No , I can 't do that I 'm not working for your Company " . To which she goes then you can leave your job and stay at home . Apparently when you are allowed to travel the level of fear in one 's self goes down , which apparently is bad ? Hmm . . She also goes " Just go to work at 8 . 30 and leave at 4 . 30 ! ! " Ahuh ? Then things get worse . Because I refused to cover and said that it is not possible for me to not travel from work . She starts blaming my friends . I have apparently been influenced by my friends . Influenced to do what ? Sigh . The she gets sort of worse . Goes on about how she can 't wait to get me married and get rid of me . How much of a burden I am and that I have brought nothing but shame and heartache to her . Lord … Then she goes " Are you coming home or am I going to take you by force . I 'll bring everyone and come , its going to be ugly " By then I dunno why I usually manage to keep my cool but I suppose because this went on for nearly one and half hours , or because my uncle was feeling bad for me , he came and patted my head , I just lost it . I couldn 't stop the tears from falling . So fucking uncool . So embarrassing ! ! He takes a seat next to me and tells the mother , " Give her one more month . Let her be here . " Then he says that he will place an ad on the matrimonial section in the Newspapers and include the fact that the family is prepared to give property . Oh how wonderful . Now I feel like a cow . Mother calmed down a bit for this . So now my deadline has been extended by one month during which I will have to find a place and move out . This is not normal in our part of the world and culture . The family will come in hoards and create a scene , drag you back and keep you under lock and key . But really I don 't see an alternative . At times I have thought of conforming , just agree to whatever , but that 's just momentary . I can 't seem to do that . So let 's just hope I don 't get killed now , shall we ? Heh
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The government is hiring now for the 2010 census . Call 800 - 923 - 8282 to find out about jobs in your area . Many conservatives are aware that ACORN was involved with the census , until Hannah Giles and James O ' Keefe III exposed them via the pimp / prostitute sting , and the government fired them . However , we can anticipate that the current government would willingly ( if they can get away with it ) quietly hire them again or hire groups of like ilk under various names to carry out the census . Now is the time for conservatives to rise to the challenge . Get a census job . Be present from the inside to monitor what happens and to stop anything that is inappropriate or dangerous to this nation . At the polls , we need conservative poll watchers to balance the liberal poll watchers . This is understood and acted on by conservatives nation - wide . The same must happen here . Conservatives need to get themselves in place to observe and obstruct if necessary . We cannot leave this to the liberal left , who will follow the pattern of ACORN . How many false reports could they file ? How many could be added to the voter registration if this is left in their hands ? Conservatives must get involved now . Spread the word and take action . If you are retired , if you have college aged children , if you have spare time , apply for a census job . They are hiring now . The test for a census job in my local area is January 8 , 2009 . Find out when it is in your community and act now . Together , let us support and defend America . November 2009I saw several things over the period of a week and a few days . The first thing I saw was the Father dressed in colonial clothing and standing in a huge stadium and when I say huge I mean as if it could hold the entire world . He came to the center of the stadium which was filled with millions of people and there stood a large tree . The tree had a thick trunk and at the bottom of it where it would be rooted in the ground . . . . The tree had a foundation or base like a huge slab of stone like it was almost embedded in the ground . Then as the Father stood over the tree it was like he pulled the whole top off . Then only the trunk and the roots were left and I could see small shoots or small branches growing from there . Then from there the Father took the branches off . So as I looked at the new little shoots growing out from the trunk I saw that they were people and some of the people that I saw were Glenn Beck , Rush Limbaugh , and people at OJP . The next thing that I saw was all of us , with Jesus at the front leading us . We were moving like an army would move with tents and supplies . And we were going through a very barren and dry area of the land that was pretty vast in size . In the middle of this barren land we stopped and out of the dry ground rose a huge green plant that looked like something from Jack and the beanstalk . We all stopped to see this large plant and it rose higher higher until it passed out of sight through the clouds and into the heavens . As we were there after a short minute or so I saw a dove descend from the sky where the stalk had gone through and come down to us and in its mouth was an olive branch like in scripture with Noah . We seemed glad to see it and we continued on our way . Then quickly I saw a glimpse of the wedding feast like I had seen it once before with a large table and everything in white . December 2009I saw Jesus and I wondered where He was standing so I looked to see . He was standing by a freshly poured cement path . As I looked I could see that the path led to a forest , ofPart two NEW WORLD ORDER After having the dream from the Holy Spirit about the group called the New World Order , I waited on the Father . I was shaken by the horror and the intensity of the dream . I was struck by the fact that He said that it is already among us , and I could see that this is clearly so . Later , as I waited on Him , the Holy Spirit came to me and reminded me of Noah . Noah and his family were the sole survivors of the disaster that came to the world in his day . The great flood wiped out every other human . Where did Noah buy his newspaper ? The seller was dead . Did Noah like to go to a local coffee shop ? All the people there were dead . Everyone Noah knew , outside of his immediate family , had been killed by the disaster . No wonder he built a vineyard and wanted a little wine to lighten the horror . The Holy Spirit said that it is the same for this generation . People I know , people you know , are going to be deceived by the great deception and will perish , with great judgment on them . The deception that is coming , that is at the door , will deceive your neighbors , your friends , the people in your town . People around you are a part of the New World Order and they don 't even realize this is so . They are deceived . They think that the philosophy they have adopted is right . They think they are kind and good and moral , when they are not . They are like liberals who think they are kind to women as they encourage them to kill their own children in the womb . They have been deceived by Satan . This is the New World Order that Satan is raising to bring destruction to mankind today . I was thinking today of the vision that General George Washington was given while at Valley Forge . At the end of the vision the angel says , " Son of the Republic , what you have seen is thus interpreted : three great perils will come upon the Republic . The most fearful is the third , but in this greatest conflict the whole world united shall not prevail against her . " I never quite understood what was meant by the words , " the whole world united against her " . I thought , wilWednesday , December 02 , 2009 I had a terrible , disturbing , dream from the Holy Spirit . It has some graphic detail in it , so please be prepared before you read it . Afterwards , I will describe what the Holy Spirit said to me about it as I waited on Him in shocked horror . Please read the dream and then read the commentary that follows so you can see what the Holy Spirit was showing and all that He said about it to me . It is exactly relevant to what is happening today . Get past the repulsion and rejection you are sure to feel when reading the first two paragraphs that describe the graphic detail . The rest of the dream and the interpretation from the Holy Spirit explain why He chose to show those details through the dream . A New World OrderIn the beginning of the dream , I came down a hill to a large outdoor gathering . It was a meeting of a group called the New World Order . There was an outdoor park setting in which there were seats . I got the impression that the park was the group 's idea of Paradise . Although there was grass , it was very plain . There was a service going on and I sat at the edge of the large crowd to listen and observe . There was a handbook which was given to each person in the audience so I had one before me . At first I could not see the front of the crowd where the speaker was located , but I could hear him through a microphone system . He was saying , " In , out . In , out " . Then I saw that there was a row of baby girls , around six months old , in the front and they were being sexually molested . The molesters were acting in rhythm with the voice saying , " in , out " . I was horrified . I picked up the book to look inside . It opened to the page where the service was at that moment and I read the words , " in , out " . Then , the girls were removed ; returned to their parents who were members of the crowd . As this was occurring , the crowd sat silent , just listening and not reacting . Next , little boys around four years old , were lined up in the front , and a line of men began to rape them . Again , was the rhythmic " in , out " . I turned to the woman beside mFrom the enemy : discouragement . From God : strength and encouragement Yesterday , Silvana Lupetti saw something from the Holy Spirit concerning the plans of the enemy , who is Satan . She saw his plans to discourage Tea Partiers and patriotic Americans . She saw that what the enemy was putting out in the spirit was the feeling of weariness with the war , with the fight . She saw the feelings come over people that they would wish there was no war , wish there was no fight for good and for freedom . Then , after they were pushed down , she saw him run his hand over the top of them , to keep them down . The message that was given from him with the hand running over them to smooth them down was a lie , and here is the lie that was being said : " Rest . The cause is secure . " Shortly after Silvana described what she saw , I saw Jesus reach out a hand towards a woman on the ground . As He reached towards her , I saw that not only would He pull her to her feet , but that she would feel strength flow into her from Jesus ' hand as He lifted her up . A moment later , I saw the Father reach out and take the woman by the hand . As He pulled her up , I saw a crowd of people pulled to their feet at the same time as she was pulled up , as though they were all attached to each other . The crowd was shaped like the lower 48 states of the USA . Clearly the Father is going to encourage and raise up Americans . Thank you , Father , and thank you , Holy Spirit , for showing us what is coming and what is at hand . Help Americans to throw off the lie , and to join together and rise up against tyranny and socialism and the assault on our freedom . We are a nation under You , and we ask You to help us to stand , to fight , to endure until the end . We ask in the name of Your Son , Jesus , because He died for our freedom , and He leads the way towards the loving will of God for all mankind . Tuesday , November 24 , 2009 Here is a tract we are sending out to Tea Parties in America , along with the vision ( in tract form ) that was given to President George Washington while he was at Valley Forge . We are also sending them the first prayer in congress . Our nation needs to return to our roots and realize that we are a nation under God . If we will seek Him , and ask for His help , He will help us , and we are in desparate straits as a nation and we need His help and His leading now to ward off the invasion of liberalism / socialism / communism that has been engineered by the enemy . OUR AMERICAN HERITAGE An American , Silvana Lupetti , saw a vision of our American heritage being brought to us on a silver tray , engraved by Paul Revere . The tray was large and rectangular with handles on the sides , and the figures of the 56 signers of the Declaration of Independence were engraved on the raised edges . In the center of the tray was inscribed in old - fashioned script , LIBERTY THROUGH GOD . In the vision , Jesus had the tray in his hands and was bringing it to us . Many Americans are unaware that General George Washington , while at Valley Forge in 1777 , also was given a vision from God . This vision is recorded in the Library of Congress . At the end of the vision , the angel from God says to General Washington , " Son of the Republic , what you have seen is thus interpreted : three great perils will come upon the Republic . The most fearful is the third , but in this greatest conflict the whole world united shall not prevail against her . Let every child of the Republic learn to live for his God , his land and the Union " . ( Read the vision in its entirety athttp : / / www . presidentwashingtonsvision . com / ) Our heritage is that we are one nation under God . Now the American people need to come together to ask God to lead us . This is not a question of churches or denominations or political parties but of WE THE PEOPLE of America asking God for help . The Tea Parties must ask Him to lead , all Americans who care must ask Him to lead , for we need His leading as did our Founding FOJP 20 year anniversary Today is the 20 year anniversary for OJP . The Father called Silvana Lupetti and Char Tierney to fast for forty days , and the fast began on November 10 , 1989 . The Holy Spirit was moving across the world , in that season of time that He called us to fast . He had freedom in His hand , and He brought seven nations out of communism in 1989 and early 1990 . The Berlin Wall went down on Nov 9 , 1989 , the day before our fast began . In June 1990 , there was completed a prophetic warning to the church , called BLOW THE TRUMPET IN ZION . This series of prophecies , God 's Warning to the Church , and God 's Word to the Remnant , was given to Silvana Lupetti , as the Holy Spirit described what He saw in the self - centered , shallow church , and spoke to the Remnant , the few who sincerely want to know Him and to do His will . This prophetic warning was given by the Holy Spirit and was over the church for a period of about ten years . In 1990 , the Father sent us to 14 states in the USA and told us to read II Peter 3 from the steps of the capitol building : . . . . Since everything will be destroyed in this way , what kind of people ought you to be ? You ought to live holy and godly lives as you look forward to the day of God and speed its coming . . . Many warnings and prophecies to the church followed . Also , the Holy Spirit spoke to the world , and of the return of Jesus , and also of the War on Terror . In 2000 , the Father sent us to 5 more state capitols , from Austin , Texas , to Tallahassee , Florida . There we poured oil on the ground in obedience to the Holy Spirit . In Tallahassee , we poured oil and prayed both at the capitol and at the courthouses . Imagine our amazement when we saw the national struggle over the US Presidency break out in the exact place that He had sent us to pour oil , as a symbol of His presence . The Father showed us later that He was raising up President GW Bush to lead the fight against terror and the enemy tried with all his might to interfere with that election . Several months later we were sent to the Pacific Ocean to " be baptized Jesus in the Throne Room I saw Jesus today in the throne room . He was seated on the throne . I started to wait on Him to see what He wanted to show about being in the throne room . A little later I saw that there was a meeting in the throne room . Present were angels and the 24 elders and others . It seemed to be a meeting about coming events . At one point , I heard the Father say , " the United States " . I don 't know what was said , but in the plans about the world , the Father was commenting about the United States . I know we can trust Him , even in the tumultuous days ahead . While I was waiting on Jesus , after I saw Him the first time , and before I saw the meeting , I had a Bible nearby so I opened it for a moment . It opened to Revelation 4 . The words seemed to leap off the page to me , and I read chapters 4 - 7 . The Apostle John says in Chapter Four : " At once I was in the Spirit , and there before me was a throne in heaven with someone sitting on it . " That is exactly how it seemed to me . I was in the Spirit and by the Holy Spirit I could see , and I could understand what He wanted to show to me . Chapters four and five describe the scene in the throne room . John wept because no one was worthy to open the seals to a scroll . However , an angel comforts him and tells him that Jesus is worthy and he sees Jesus as a victorious sacrificial lamb in the middle of the throne . So , the Lamb ( Jesus , our Friend ) opens the seals . The first one and second one were familiar to me because the Holy Spirit has commented to me about them in the past . The opening of the first seal reveals a rider on a white horse who is given a bow and a crown and he rides out as a conqueror . I remember when the Holy Spirit first showed me , several years ago , that this conqueror was communism , socialism , liberalism . . . an ism from the enemy . At the time we were puzzled over this , but now we can see how true this was and it is basically accomplished . The rider is victorious and America is the latest to fall into the hands of those who have been deceived by Satan 's isms . The second seal reveals RUN TO GOSHEN Watching news last night about President Obama siding with communist dictators against Democratic Honduras , and today news that Pres Obama cancelled the missile defense shield in Eastern Europe ; announcing this on the 70th anniversary of the invasion of Poland . America , what have you done ? These events and the corruption we see emerging reminds me of a prophecy from Silvana Lupetti given in 2000 . Here is the portion that strikes me the deepest because it is so so grievous and unfortunately so factual : Those who lived in darkness now come into the light with their corruption , and have no shame . And don 't we see that this is true , as the corrupt emerge into the light to claim they are not corrupt , that there are reasons for their evil . We see the corruption in government , and a refusal to print or speak the truth by the old media , as they rush to defend corruption for politic 's sake . Those who are corrupt have come into power , as foretold . America , what have you done ? RUN TO GOSHEN Oh , nation under God , you will not stand . Oh , second Eden , you will not remain . What you have thrown awaygoes back to the foundation which is God and you will nothold on to what you were given . Those who lived in darkness now comeinto the light with their corruption , and have no shame . They steal what was bornon a green field called Lexington . Run to Goshen , those who loved the land of the free , your freedom has been taken . Run to Goshen , the heavenly country is your new land . The Holy Spirit said of RUN TO GOSHEN , " There is a dual meaning to this prophecy , and one meaning is dependent on the other . " The first meaning of the phrase , " You will not stand " is the Holy Spirit lamenting that the people of the United States will not stand for what is right . If they do not stand , then the second meaning to the phrase will become , " You will not stand , but will fall " . First it is a lament , second it is a prophetic warning . The borders of Goshen are miracles . No borders on earth , no matter how heavily guarded , no matter how impenetrable they may seem , cWhere we ( OJP ) were on 9 / 11 / 01 In August of 2001 , the Heavenly Father told us to travel to California to the Pacific Ocean to be baptized . We said we would go and made preparations for the trip . About a week later , the Holy Spirit said to us , " Be baptized for the dead " . We agreed , and then we asked people to pray for us , because we did not know what the Holy Spirit meant in asking such an unusual thing . In September , 2001 , we went to Morro Bay , California and stayed at the Morro Bay State Park . On the way there , the Holy Spirit spoke and said , " Rachel , weeping for her children , for they are no more " . We understood by this that there was a tragedy in connection to the baptism , but we still didn 't know what was coming . On September 10 , 2001 , in the evening , while at the State Park , the Holy Spirit said , " Go down in the morning and be baptized for the dead " . In the morning , we were waiting on the Holy Spirit , and preparing to go into the water , and then return home to New Mexico , when we heard the news that America was under attack . It was with rejoicing in the foreknowledge and love of God , that we went into the water and were baptized for the dead , all who were killed in the terrorist attacks in New York , and Washington DC , and Pennsylvania . Never think that the Father isn 't involved in what is happening in the world . He sees and He acts , and the whole world will be called to account before the return of Jesus to this earth . In March of 2002 , I saw a documentary about 9 / 11 , made by two brothers from France . In the documentary , they mentioned Father Michael Judge , the Chaplain to the NY fire department , who lost his life at the Twin Towers . Suddenly , I saw a vision from the Holy Spirit : I saw the Heavenly Father standing at the top of a corridor from earth to heaven . He had his arms outstretched towards the earth , towards the Twin Towers . I saw the Heavenly Father call out to Father Michael and then I saw Father Michael travel up through the corridor to the side of the Father . Father Michael reached the top of the corridor , turned around , and stoodPowerful visions from the Father Silvana was commenting on August 29th that something is coming that will change things , and never return to the way they were . She used as an example 9 / 11 . She asked us , " Are you changed by 9 / 11 ? " We said we are . She said , " Will you go back to what you were ? " No , we won 't . We will never go back to what we were before 9 / 11 . We have changed in our spirit and in our feelings , permanently . In the same way , she said , something is coming that will somehow bring change , and it will never go back to the way it was before . Our friend Robert was telling me today that he saw something in the Spirit : he was standing on a high ledge looking towards the east . He saw a bright and glorious light in the sky , and it looked like a star coming towards the earth . The star moved closer and closer to the earth , and then just above the earth it seemed that the sky was being ripped apart or torn as the star moved through it to the earth . Then suddenly , he saw a city in outer space and it came to the earth and landed there . Then he heard Jesus say , " among My brethren " . This is so similar to what I saw last week . I was in the Spirit one morning . I saw the Father and many angels and power in the Spirit for the Father 's will . I saw the gates to OJP flung open , so many could come in , and so we could go out in power as the Father sends us . I saw POWER in the Holy Spirit and I saw the spirits of James and John and Mary and Paul standing beside us in a row . Then , I saw a great light coming towards the earth , moving from the east to the west . The light was gleaming and shedding light ahead of it . Then , I heard an angel speak and he said , " This is the time of the Father , foretold since the beginning " . I saw that the light was a star which was also a city , and the city was the New Jerusalem . After the vision was finished , I understood by the Holy Spirit that what I had seen was the return of Jesus to the earth . When Jesus comes , and that time is nearer than when we first believed , He will bring with Him the New Jerusalem , as is foretold in ScriptureThe Father with a knockout : the spirit of murder in Mexico By the Holy Spirit , I saw a boxing ring . I saw someone in the ring , dancing around and boxing the air . They were dressed in boxing gear , with a cape . They looked ready to fight and confident in their abilities . Suddenly , I saw the Father step up to the ring and step over the ropes . He took one step to the boxer and felled them with one punch . He hit the boxer in the side of the head and they collapsed onto the floor . The Father then stepped out of the ring . The next day , we were talking about the spirit of murder that Silvana Lupetti saw in Mexico several years ago . We were traveling in New Mexico around 1997 , and she pointed across from El Paso into Mexico ( towards Juarez ) and said , " A powerful spirit of murder is there " . As we were discussing Silvana saying this in the past , and how true it has proven to be by the many murders in the area ( a news article the other day said , " Juarez , where the most murders happen in the country of Mexico , 1400 this year alone " ) I suddenly saw the spirit of murder raise up to look at us as we spoke of him and his lethal works . I saw his brazen attitude : he said , " you will never overcome me " . Suddenly I remembered the Father knocking out the boxer in one punch and I wondered if He means He will do this to the spirit of murder in Mexico . Man does his wicked deeds , but nothing like the wickedness he carries out with the help of the enemy . If the invisbile enemy is removed , man will be much more easily overcome , by law officials , or those who stand against wickedness . Yes , Father , come against the wicked spirit of murder in Mexico and bring freedom to the people there and their families who have suffered so greatly as the years have passed under this cruel demon strongman . Wednesday , May 13 , 2009 I attended a Tea Party meeting at the Independence Grill in Albuquerque last night . God bless everyone involved as people move forward to organize the Independence Day rally . No one expected 7000 - 10 , 000 people to show up at the Albuquerque Tax Day Tea Party in New Mexico . They came to express their strong protest based on their own patriotic feelings that are being stirred up by the actions and the direction this administration is taking . President Obama is determined to remake America in the image found in his mind , backed by the support he receives through an often corrupt and dishonest Congress . Though the people who came last night to the meeting have places in leadership , the real Tea Party is found in the people who came to the rally . WE THE PEOPLE are the Tea Party . They flocked to the Tax Day Tea Party and expressed what they felt through their signs and presence and it was diverse and powerful , and people driving by engaged and supported them , which shows that the same feelings are shared by so many in America today . I believe that the basic function of the Tea Party is to provide a forum , an avenue , for people to rise up and band together and express themselves . That is the spirit of Tea Party . That day so long ago in Boston , it wasn 't only about tea or taxes , it was about protest and revolution . And that is what is needed . Revolution . Legal - the American way - protest of the government . Protest so loud that it brings change . Obama wants change and is going to force it on us . We MUST stand up against his unAmerican change and the Tea Parties provide a forum for people to do so . One of the ways you and I can help the movement is to post the flyers anouncing the rallies around town . We want every American to know , from the campuses , to the people downtown , to the churches and businesses , and everyone all over America , that there is a nonpartisan place to speak up to the government and it is at their local Tea Party ! One suggestion is to let the smaller towns have morning rallies , and pick one place to haveThursday , April 16 , 2009 I went to two Tax Day Tea Parties yesterday . Tea Parties are based on the Boston Tea Party in 1773 , an event in American history where taxes from Great Britain on Americans were protested . I attended one Tea party in Moriarty , NM and one in Albuquerque , NM . The turnout in both was higher than expected . In the morning , as I was as my desk waiting on the Father , He said that the movement is from Him . He showed me the example of what happened when the film THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST came out in theaters . No one expected the response that followed . Millions upon millions of people saw that film . It was not a Christan response , nor a Catholic response , but a far greater and widespread response that came from the spirits of people , moved by the Holy Spirit , as this message of salvation was put out in the world , as promised in Scripture . ( Matthew 24 : 14 ) In the same way , the protest to the government 's actions that is rising up through the Tea Parties was not orchestrated by one person or one group ( it is not Republican or Democrats based , but just Americans gathering ) but it comes through many , many Americans as they feel their God - given rights being threatened . In Moriarty we met briefly at the middle of the park and then lined the street on two sides of the park so people could see our signs . Many , many people driving by honked and waved or cheered . Some stopped and joined us , holding signs with us . The turnout in Albquerque was phenomenal and was estimated to be between 7000 - 10 , 000 . Protesters with signs lined Montgomery Street for miles on both sides of the street , from I - 25 to Tramway . Many people driving by responded enthusiastically . The most powerful sign to me ( after the one with the picture of Jesus and the words , " THE REAL MESSIAH " ) was one that said , " NEXT TIME , READ THE BILL " . Can you imagine a people who make bills and laws for a country and then pass them without reading them , as Congress did with the stimulus bill ? ! The arrogance and incompetence in that action is staggering ! but it is typical of the groupCrown of thorns spotted in space Pray for Pakistan . There is serious business going on there . There is a coup in the background , waiting to overthrow the pro - western government . Obama has already made some missteps there which certainly doesn 't help . However , the real cause behind the trouble there is an unseen enemy . I don 't know if the coup will be successful but I know it is a real and serious threat . Not long ago the Father told us to send " supertracts " to Pakistan , which is two messages put together on one paper . One message is titled , WHERE LIFE BEGINS , and is about the basic fact that we all came from the same Creator and life really begins when you come to know him . We were created for the purpose of friendship with him ( like Abraham ) and once you start to talk to the one who made you , you enter into a relationship that will never end . Never . Not after you die , not in eternity . It is friendship forever . This perspective changes everything about this earth and about your life . Real life begins . The second message is called JESUS IS ALIVE AND KNOWS YOUR NAME , and is a basic commentary on Jesus being God and coming to take away the penalty of sin so we can come back to the friendship with the Father . The whole tract is simple but deep and true and life - changing . We had plans to print 10 , 000 in Urdu , each with the powerful picture of Jesus on it , ( you feel his presence with is the powerful part ) and they were to be distributed in Pakistan . The Holy Spirit told me that they were a " message to the Pakistani Church " . They can use encouragement right now , that is certain . Suddenly , there came a rush of opposition from the enemy . The friend ( Wahid ) who was planning to have the supertracts distributed had troubles . His phone and Internet service was turned off for nonpayment , after he lost his job to another for not being a Muslim . His mother 's high blood pressure problems flared up over the situation , causing grave concerns in the family because of the fact they have no money for medicine . And , on a deeper sense , Satan moved to cause disruption inA coming rescue and a wedding Earlier this week I was looking at the situation in Israel , and praying for Benjamin Netanyahu , when I suddenly saw something from the Holy Spirit . He showed me an example of a movie being made . I saw that if a movie director or producer was to make a film about two different peoples being at war with each other , and if one side in that war was to put their own children into death 's way , with parents and soldiers both hiding behind the children , then this would naturally be considered ignoble and unloving by most civilized people . Then I saw that this is not true in Israel 's case . Though Israel 's enemies involve their own innocent children ( and raise those children to not be innocent ) in warfare , still many in the civilized world condemn Israel , rather than their ignoble opposers . Then , the Father spoke . He said , " Oh , but I will rescue Israel " . And I saw that though things get much more serious for Israel in the days ahead , their God , our God , will rescue them . He will rescue them from destruction and He will rescue them from the ill will and unfair and harsh judgments against them found all around the world . Then , I saw Jesus . He was dressed in his wedding clothes ( they were white and had gold decorations all through them ) and he held an outstretched sword in his hand . He picked up a white smock , like a very long apron , and put it on over his clothes . The smock reached to the ground and totally covered his wedding clothes . I saw that the smock was to protect the clothes from the blood that spattered as he wielded the sword . Later , two different people told me about visions they have had with Jesus putting up decorations , as though for a party . The Holy Spirit said that the party is the Wedding Feast . One vision was after mine , and another was a month ago . So , that day approaches . Jesus will come to untangle the mess the world becomes and to establish his kingdom on earth , among mankind , whom he loves so deeply . Be prepared for troubles and war before that day , but it is soon , as the Holy Spirit makes clear by the A glimpse of paradise and what it means I saw something in the Spirit early the other morning . First I saw horses running swiftly across a plain . I could see that it was an army from the Father , in advance mode . They moved so swiftly that they were like a herd of wild horses running . I recognized it as an advance into territory held by the enemy . Then , I saw something different : I saw something that looked like a thin sheet of plastic material . Suddenly I saw the plastic stretched and slits appeared in it because it was being pulled beyond its capacity . You could see through the slits that a beautiful nature scene was beyond . The pulling continued and the slits gave way and the entire sheet of plastic disappeared and then you could see the beautiful scene . It was Paradise . It was green and beautiful . The whole scene looked like a wonderful , lovely , peaceful spring day . As I pondered this vision from the Holy Spirit , I realized that He is talking about removing the veil from people 's eyes so that they see eternity . Paradise is real , heaven is real . Yet , people often live and operate from a eartly view . If you look at events from the side of earth , when the enemy opposes you or events on earth become hard or terrible , it is hard to stand . The enemy is able to press in with doubts about the love of the Father , about His plans and help , and about what it all means . But if you see it from the side of eternity , then you know the Father can be trusted and that all things will be set right , and that is our future is sure and solid and beautiful and it will never end . The viewpoint is what makes all the difference . Many people ( especially Christians ) know the truth in their minds . They know we are eternal . They know that paradise lies ahead , but because they don 't really see it , they only think it is so , and the enemy is able to come and press them with his threats and sorrows and it is painful . What the Holy Spirit was showing was the removing of the veil . Then , one can believe the truth about eternity and know it absolutely , so the real power lies with the trOlder Posts
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Sarah has always liked Ryan , though she 'd never admit it to her best friend Brianna . Brianna is the popular girl that gets all the boys ' attention . When that attention comes from Ryan , Sarah uses all of her strength to be happy for her . Now that 's a true best friend . As the story moves on we find that it wasn 't Brianna that Ryan was truly after . In Sarah 's shyness and awkwardness with boys , she missed her chance . Can that one moment be regained ? Risking losing her best friend , Sarah can 't deny her feelings towards Ryan any longer . The problem here is that Ryan was never really Brianna 's to begin with . If one best friend can 't tell that the other likes a boy , then I think that is just plain self absorption . She never really was a friend to begin . Scott did an amazing job with this title . I read it in one sitting , anxious to find out what happened next . It so took me back in the day , though I understood this unwritten rule from kindergarten lol . It was a great read , and I 'm glad I had the chance to read it . You will be too and I recommend this book to anyone that enjoys YA with a touch of romance . Beatrice lives in a society where factions rule . You live in one of four ways and that is it . When it comes time for you to cross into adulthood , it is up to you which faction you will choose to be in for the rest of your life . She lives with her mother , father and brother . Her father is certain both children will choose the faction they grew up in . When both choose completely different factions , ones that none of them dreamed of , both children are only scratching the surface . A war is brewing . An overturn of government is on the horizon . The question is , will Beatrice , now Tris , be able to get to the bottom of who 's behind all the chaos before she ends up . . . dead ? Tris learns how to be a part of her faction , becoming fond of her leader and trainer , Four . As the relationship grows , so does the suspense . With surprising twists and turns , this title literally had me on the edge of my seat . This is one book that will have you thinking months after you 've finished reading it . Roth did a phenomenal job , I just can 't get enough . Highly recommended ! Dana Littlejohn was born and raised in Brooklyn , New York , but has called Indianapolis , In . her home for over ten years . She has always wanted to write since early childhood , but put that wish on hold to raise her growing family and have a career . With the encouragement of her husband , Dana picked up her pen again in 2003 and has no intention on putting it down . With 3 novels , 8 novellas , 4 stories in anthologies , 42 short stories published to date and a long list of wip ( works in progress ) she is literally living her dream . Join her on the wild journey through her imagination . It 's a ride you 'll never forget ! BK : Please tell us a little about yourself . . . My name id Dana Littlejohn . Many people ask if that is a pseudo , but no , it 's my real name . I write sensual and erotic romance . I work a nine to five , Monday - Friday and mostly write the rest of the time that I am awake . BK : Please tell us a little about your book . . . . Jade Dupree is beautiful , smart and the only daughter of a well known and liked general . Many young airmen would like the chance to be with her ; not only for her own accomplishments , but the connection it would give them to the general would be invaluable . Jade 's mother is all for her being with an airman and spends most of her time matchmaking . When she finally introduces Jade to an airman she might be compatible with , Jade met Mike Davis , a young entrepreneur . Jade dates them both trying to get to know the men and learns a great deal more then she bargained for . BK : What inspired you to pen this particular novel ? Behind the Wings came about after a conversation my son and I had when he came home from the air force . I asked him how life was in the air force and he laughed . He said you don 't have a life when your soldier , you just do as you 're told . Only officers have a real life . I thought about and wondered what life would be like . So I made up what I thought life was like and Behind the Wings was born . BK : When did you first consider yourself a writer ? I have always considered myself a writer . I wrote my first complete short story when I was 12 , but I became an author when I sold my first story . That was an amazing feeling I will never forget . BK : How do you keep your story flowing ? I don 't actually . I can only write when the characters speak to me . I know the beginning , the middle and the end , but they tell me how I get from one point to the other . I f they don 't tell me where to go I can go . BK : Do you ever run into writer 's block , and if so , what do you do to get past it ? Oh yes . When they stop talking to me it 's frustrating , but there 's nothing I can do . I usually watch movies to take my mind off the story or play Mahjong to give my brain something else to do . BK : What is your writing process like ? Do you have any quirks , or must - haves to write ? Yeah , I do . I always have a bag of sunflower seeds nearby and my music is playing too . Most of the time it 's guys singing love songs . It gives me the feeling that I 'm being serenaded . Jade Dupree had always been a hot commodity among the young airman . She tried not to date them , but having an old school mother and a worldly father gave her a challenging social life . Her mother 's only goal in life seemed to be to get her to settle her down with the next available airman and birth as many babies as possible . BK : Where do you hope your books / writing will be in the future ? I 'm aware that I 'm small player in the big leagues . I 'm grateful that is enough love to go around , I 'd like to write that one novel that takes me to the next level . When you ask people who writes horror the first name that comes to mind is Steven King even if you don 't read horror you know that . I think that would be amazingly cool if the question was asked about erotic romance and people said Dana Littlejohn . BK : What do you hope readers will take away from your books ? Satisfaction . When they read the last lines of one of my books I 'd like a smile to appear on their face and have them sigh with pleasure saying , ' that was cool . I really liked that one ' . BK : What is one piece of advice you received that you carry with you in your writing ? Before I start another book I read a few in that genre to see what has worked and what is acceptable . Having said that , I constantly remind myself just because that style or idea worked for them doesn 't mean it will work for me to keep myself true to my own style and voice when I write . As a writer the first thing you want to do is know how to write . No matter how good your story is it will get dropped into the trash with the quickness if it is riddled with writing errors . Improve on your craft consistently . As an author find your voice and stay true to it . BK : Are you currently working on any new projects ? What can we expect from you in the future ? Oh yes . My WIP list is an arm long . LOL I am usually working or 2 or 3 stories at once because the characters stop talking and then pick back up often . I just sent out a 2 book series on the African goddess of the sun and her sister the goddess of the moon , Conquering the Sun and A Warrior for the Moon The next story that is almost ready to be subbed is Ming 's Mojo . It 's about a wife who thinks her husband has become complacent with their marriage . She uses unconventional means to spark his interests in her again . " Not a what , a who . I don 't know who she is , but she 's been following me around since I got here . " He ducked behind her and twirled her around . " Okay , then why did you come to this party ? " He lowered himself again , his body folded almost in half in an attempt to hide himself behind Jade 's smaller frame . " Shit , don 't move . There she is , " he whispered urgently . He retreated , pulling Jade with him , closer to the center of the dance floor . Somehow he managed to keep the beat with the fast paced music as he slipped by the dancers He kept his face down and her back turned to the woman , using her as a shield , but Jade 's curiosity was peaked . She peeked over her left shoulder , trying to spy who the man was hiding from . Thank you so much for taking time to chat with me today . It 's been a pleasure having you and I wish you much success in the future . Thanks for having me . I had a great time . J Giveaway : I have promotional ink pens and key chains I can give away . I will give one 2 readers . ( meaning 1 person gets a pen and the other gets a key chain ) You can follow Dana 's tour HERE to learn more about her and her books and earn more chances to win prizes . Prophecies are something I 've never really thought about until Cesar came along and introduced me to his book . We 've all so much to learn and think about and Cesar gives us a great thought provoking book to help us . Welcome to BK Walker Books Etc . Cesar , such a pleasure to have you with us . Cesar has a very experienced background in the spiritual world . He was brought up in a Christian family , but branched out from that base as he got older , seeking answers about the world around him , and the spiritual world around him . In his mid - twenties dramatic events occurred in his life which challenged his very existence , but he learned from these experienced and most of learned that how that life is not just in our own hands . Now Cesar is a firm believer that everyone has their own path to walk in life , and part of that walk is all about the choices that you make . Some people choose a good life and some a wicked life , but most of us live the life in the middle , influenced by the world around us and our own upbringing , Cesar understands that life is simply not black and white . My Inspiration for Book of Prophecies There is a lot of talk about whether 2012 might end up being the end of the world , people have pointed to the Mayans and the Hopi and the Egyptians who are all supposedly linked to prophecies about the end of the world . Like many others I have been listening to all the hype with a lot of doubt , but there is an underlying feeling that all of us have ; that the world cannot continue as it is . Yes , most of us go around with our head in the sand , but the simple fact is that we are slowly but surely killing our own planet . But why ? What is it about our society that makes it impossible to change how we treat our planet ? Well there is a very simple answer to why we cannot change . Greed . You see our society is built upon a system of money and loans and finance , they say that ' money makes the world go round ' but you see the world belongs to all of us ! I take out a loan to buy a piece of land ; land which rightly belongs to all of us . I take my car to fill up on petrol ; petrol which rightly belongs to all of us . I could go on , but my point is that in a world where there is no ownership , there is no sense of responsibility . We feel that our responsibility stops at the point where we hand over money . But this is not the way that life was intended for us all , and change will happen one way or the other . Either we , as a society take responsibility and make the changes , or the changes will be forced upon us by things beyond our control . These ideals were inspiration , but more - so the rollercoaster of ups and downs that my life has become , but I feel now more than ever that my purpose in life was to stand and say to God that I am here and willing to speak for Him . And that simple choice has led me on a long journey to this point , it has opened my eyes to knowledge and things that were maybe forgotten hundreds of years , but I remain a humble man , just existing to pass on a simple message ; now is the time for change . www . cesarprophecies . com Thank you so much for chatting with us Cesar . I wish you much success in the future . Cesar is currently on tour with the Virtual Book Tour Cafe ' and you can view his schedule HERE . Follow along to learn more about Cesar and the prophecies . Lisa Scott is a former TV news anchor who now enjoys making up stories instead of sticking to the facts . The first book in her Willowdale Romance series will be released by Belle Bridge books in November 2012 . In the meantime , she 'll be releasing short stories linked to the Willowdale series , in addition to her Flirts ! collections . Blurb : Every volume of the Flirts ! Collection features five sweet , funny romantic short stories , linked by a loose thread . It all ties up in a fab , fun ending , bringing together characters from all the stories in that collection . Each short story is 8 , 000 - 12 , 000 words long - - the perfect length to squeeze in during your lunch break or kids ' practices . Sometimes you need a little love ! http : / / readlisascott . com http : / / www . facebook . com / pages / Read - Lisa - Scott / 227457993948941 Welcome to BK Walker Books Etc . I 'm so happy you could join me to kickoff your tour today from your well - worn recliner with the dog 's chin resting on your laptop . For those of you joining us today , you will also have a chance to win a $ 10 Amazon Gift Card which Lisa will randomly draw from those that leave a comment during her tour . The more you comment , the greater your chances are of winning ! I work from home as a voice artist and writer . I 'm a former TV news anchor and it 's great fun not to be constrained by the facts anymore when telling a story . I 'm married with two kids , two cats , a dog , and a pond full of koi fish . BK : Please tell us a little about your book . . . . My latest release is Fairy Tale Flirts ! It 's volume number four of my Flirts ! Collection . Each volume has five linked short stories that tie up together in a fabulous happy ending . My readers love how characters appear in other stories and usually make an appearance at the end . BK : What inspired you to pen this particular novel ? I thought it would be fun to write modern love stories inspired by fairy tales - without any magic . So , I put together Fairy Tale Flirts ! Hopefully , they 're infused with a bit of real - life magic . BK : When did you first consider yourself a writer ? Probably the first time I sold something for publication . I 've sold a few essays and even greeting card verses . When my children were little , I wrote a humorous parenting column online . I didn 't start writing novel length fiction until 2007 . BK : Do you ever run into writer 's block , and if so , what do you do to get past it ? Oh yes , writer 's block is a beast . But usually if I take a walk , things work themselves out in my head and I 'm ready to get back to the keyboard . BK : What is your writing process like ? Do you have any quirks , or must - haves to write ? I usually have to have the main characters ' back stories all worked out before I can sit down and do serious writing . Once I have that in place , it flows nicely . Then I need to perfect the first few pages so when I 'm in the middle of the project , convinced it 's horrible , I can go back to those first few pages and remember why I love it . I hope more people discover and enjoy short stories . I 'd love to keep writing these collections . It 's great for someone like me who comes up with loads of ideas for stories . BK : What is one piece of advice you received that you carry with you in your writing ? Write what you love to write . While erotica is a hot seller , it 's just not me . But I do love sweet , funny romances , and while my audience might be smaller than that for erotica , this is where I feel comfortable writing , and have a lot of fun with it . I wouldn 't start writing something just to chase a trend . BK : What is one piece of advice you would give to new and aspiring writers ? Not everyone is going to love what you write . Don 't be discouraged by that . It 's just not possible to please everyone , so please the audience you 're targeting . What can we expect from you in the future ? I 'm always working on several projects . I signed a two - book deal with Belle Bridge Books for my Willowdale Romance series . Think fun , contemporary romance with a southern twist . No Foolin ' will be published in November 2012 . A small town girl poses as a movie star 's girlfriend so no one will know why he 's really in town . Tricking the press they 're in love is one thing ; fooling themselves they 're not is getting harder each day . I 'll be preceding that book with a few Willowdale short stories , and of course , more Flirts ! Collections . Wedding Flirts ! And Reunion Flirts ! are coming soon . Flirts ! 5 Romantic Short Stories to squeeze into your busy life . Fun , flirty , sweet , and sassy - always with the perfect happy ending . Discover the link that ties the stories together . Each story is 8 , 000 to 11 , 000 words in length ( approximately 32 - 44 typical book pages in length . 53 , 000 words total , or 210 typical book pages . ) The stories include : " The Hot Girl 's Friend " How can a plain Jane find love when her best friend is a curvy blond man magnet ? Jane usually busies herself during a night on the town , fending off the men lusting after her gorgeous friend Miranda . When Brady the bartender overhears her inspired , ludicrous excuses , he resolves to hook up Jane with his friends . But Jane would be quite happy with him . Pine along as Jane tries to find her own happily ever after . " Wrong Place , Right Guy " She 's in the wrong place at the wrong time . Can the guy who saves her be Mr . Right ? Or will his past keep them apart ? When Kristen is jumped in a parking lot , Tony jumps in to save the day . While she thinks her hero could also be her heartthrob , Tony 's worried his past is reason to stay apart . Will the good guy get the girl in the end ? " Not You " One night with a stranger … gets even stranger the next day . Single , lonely Carly thinks the best way to handle her mother 's third wedding is by throwing her own bachelorette - party - for - one the night before . What 's the harm in her first one - night stand ever ? She 'll find out the next day . " Desperately Seeking Cupid " Does she finally have the key for finding love ? Brianna has tried everything to find love - with no luck . So she 's turning to feng shui to bring romance to her world . Too bad the guy she 's after thinks its bunk . Will her formula for love work - or blow up in her face ? " Never Been Dumped " It 's a relationship with an expiration date and it 's going to go bad . Rachel hates breaking hearts . She 's never been dumped , and she 's tired of being the one to walk away . But a handsome stranger in town for the summer promises he 'll dump her afteexcerpt : from " Washed Up " story # 4 in the Beach Flirts ! collection He woke to darkness and pain , with a pounding head and churning stomach ; but soft lips crushed against his , so the night couldn 't have been that bad . His mouth moved in response , and he reached to find the body attached to those remarkable lips . He wrapped one hand around the back of her neck , while the other trailed further south over her collarbone , cupping a round , firm … Slap ! His eyes opened to an explosion of light . Then he sat up and puked . Seawater spewed from his mouth and someone rolled him onto his side . " He 's okay , but get the lifeguard ! " a woman shouted . She rubbed his arm . " You 're fine . Everything 's fine . " This wasn 't exactly his definition of fine . He blinked away salty brine and fell back on the sand . " What the hell happened ? " He looked up at the woman - petite , with dark eyes , and long hair that glowed in the sun . " I 'm not sure . I found you washed up here . " " And then you kissed me ? " he asked . Crazy fans had tried worse . At least duct tape and handcuffs hadn 't been involved this time ; an actor without his sense of humor might have pressed charges . " Kiss you ? " She rolled her eyes . " Ever heard of CPR ? I was a lifeguard in high school . You kissed me , and then you tried … " she winced . excerpt # 2 from " The Hot Girl 's Friend " story # ! from the Flirts ! Collection We boogied to the hip song of the moment and soon enough , a few gutsy gals left the security of the scattered tables and joined us . Then the drunker of the men crowded the floor , probably wondering if they should shoot for the top and approach Miranda or pick one of us " lesser " girls - like they could flatter us into bed by flirting with us first . For the most part , men at bars are idiots . Newsflash , I know . I shrugged . " I suppose she could use a pen pal . Although her ex might be writing to her , too . He seems to have gotten over the whole stabbing thing . You really only need one testicle , right ? " I boogied away from him and started getting my excuses ready for the string of men who would soon be lining up to meet the second most appealing woman in the bar - the hot chick 's best friend . Always a good girl to know when trying to make your move . At least , that 's what the men seemed to think . " So , I 'm invited to a grownup Halloween party next weekend . Would you like to come ? We 've already got fabulous costumes . " He waggled his eyebrows . I blew out a long breath . My heart was shouting ' yes , ' but my brain stamped its foot ' no ' - kind of like Chelsea often did . " I don 't think so . " Jeff snapped his fingers . " Wait , just a minute . I know what the problem is . I 'll be right back . " He dashed over to the big cauldron of candy and goodies set up on a banquet table , dug through the treats inside , and hurried back . He sat down and stared at me , all serious . Then he smiled , showing off neon - green vampire teeth . " Do you ' vant to go out ' vith me now ? " he said , with a deep , sultry , Dracula accent . Frowning , he lost the accent . " I heard women are really into vampires these days . " He shrugged . " Did my sister lie to me about that ? " My lips twitched into a smile . This guy could 've been a new hot member of the Cullen family from Twilight , but I still wouldn 't go out with him . " I 'm sorry , not even the sexiest , pointiest , vampire teeth could tempt me . " He leaned across the table towards me , lowering his voice . " I 'm a police officer . Are women into police officers these days ? I 've got the uniform and everything . " Dorene Sager and Armin Feldman are sister and brother . the idea for the cookbook sprang from the discovery of a treasure trove of their mother 's recipes after she passed away . Now Our Mother 's Recipes , Carrying On a Jewish Tradition is a Web site , a cookbook , a TV show and a place to learn about what the best Jewish cuisine has to offer . Welcome to BK Walker Books Etc . Armin and Dorene . It 's such a pleasure having you here ( Scottsdale ) . I 'm very excited about your cookbook , and after reading it I 've found some great recipes I 'm going to try myself . BK : Please tell us a bit about youself . . . Dorene represents the best of so many different things . Dorene is a cookbook author , a wife and mother , a commercial real estate broker , a devoted family member , a true friend and so much more . Dorene says " I had so much fun working with my brother putting together all of the different ways to showcase our mother 's recipes . Armin wears a number of hats too . Armin is a cookbook author , husband , dog lover , supporter of friends and family , medical doctor and a lot more . Armin says " What a treat to work with the best sister ever in creating all of these venues to showcase our mother 's remarkable culinary skills . " BK : Which is your favorite recipe ? Armin : I absolutely love mom 's beet borscht . You don 't need to even like beets to love this soup . Dorene : It 's impossible to say , however , you can 't beat our mother 's brisket . It is to die for . I always want to make enough for leftovers the next day . BK : I hear you two will be doing cooking videos online , tell us a bit about this ? We hope we are not doing cooking videos online . We would like to have a show on the Food Network . Visit our website at ourmothersrecipesonline . com , take a look at our TV pilot and if you like it click on the link to let the Food Network know we should have a show . BK : Where can readers find you ? Our website is www . OurMothersRecipesOnline . com . Please visit and tell your friends . There is tons of information , recipes and tips . Join our Recipe of the Week Club , it 's free . Add a wonderful cuisine to your everyday meals and special gatherings . Traditional Jewish cooking is flavorful , fun and hearty particularly with Our Mother 's Recipes , Carrying on a Jewish Tradition . These recipes have been handed down through many generations influenced by Middle Eastern , Mediterranean , Spanish , German and Eastern European styles of cooking . In our family all of these cultural influences were combined , synthesized and affected by local ingredients through the years resulting in sumptuous , rich and wonderfully fulfilling traditional Jewish dishes . My Thoughts : I loved this cookbook and have found some amazing recipes that I will be cooking for my own family . They are all easy to understand , and though this may be a Jewish Cookbook , you 're going to love it ! There is something for everyone . Be sure to visit them online too where you can signup for their Recipe of the Week , watch videos of them actually cooking and more . A notorious daydreamer , Kat knew it was only a matter of time before she became a writer . She learned to read by age four and had her first library card before her fifth birthday . To this day , she can lose herself for hours among the books at her local library or neighborhood bookstore . Ebooks and online ordering have made it really easy for her to keep her To Be Read pile from ever going down . A native of Richmond , Virginia , Kat is married with children and has a cranky tuxedo cat named Ben . http : / / katjorgensen . com The Road to PublishingFor as long as I can remember , I 've wanted to be a writer . Essays were my favorite part of school . Only a page ! You 've got to be kidding . While classmates breathed a sigh of relief , I was thinking of ways to write smaller so I could crowd more words on that one page . My world history report in high school was a meaty 100 pages . Others turned in a wimpy 25 , the required minimum . I had an absolute blast researching and then compiling my notes into a cohesive document . And the A + wasn 't too bad for my GPA either . Over the years , I wrote for school newspapers and company magazines , and I enjoyed every minute of it . But somehow I was hesitant to commit to a full - length novel while working full - time and raising a family . Instead , I entertained friends and family with satires on various subjects , short stories and just plain old story ideas . When my audience would laugh , cry or applaud , it was just the best feeling . My mother always encouraged me to pursue my writing . She always nurtured and supported me in whatever I undertook . Her belief in me was astounding . So when she passed away in 2000 and I found myself with an empty nest , I decided to write that novel . I figured if she believed in me so wholeheartedly , I should believe in myself . But where to start ? The blank screen stared at me . I switched to paper . The yellow legal sheet mocked me . I read books on writing . I took online classes . I joined online groups . I took writing classes at one of our local universities . I joined local writers ' groups . I wrote a novel . It was the greatest feeling . It ended up being 991 pages ! I was so proud when I went into my monthly writers ' meeting and announced it was done . Much applause . I gave the page count . Total silence . Then someone spoke up and asked if I knew it was too long to be marketable . Yes , I was aware of that . It needed editing . So I went home and thought that one over . The next month I came back and let them know that I knew what my book needed . My college writing teacher wanted to know if it was an eleven page prologue . I had to smile . By now they all realized I like to write and write long . But no , it wasn 't a prologue this book needed . It was severe editing . I proceeded to phase two - learning how to edit what is written . I trimmed the book by more than half . And in the process learned a great deal about the whole writing process and added even more tools to my novelist toolkit . Then came phase three - sending it out . More research followed on how to do that . And then the rejections poured in . I was not happy . How could they not love my plot or my characters ? How could they reject ME ? Yes , I was that new . I went to writers ' conferences , seminars , took more classes , networked with more writers . Joined a critique group . Went on writing retreats . Volunteered for positions within my local group . Sought out mentors . Gave back where I could as I learned . Immersed myself in my craft . And learned so much . I continued to write novels . Continued to pitch . Continued to get rejections . But the rejections were better , the feedback more positive . My writing tighter . As cIn 2008 , I had a non - fiction story about how our cat responded to my husband 's 2006 cancer surgeries and recovery published in A Cup of Comfort for Cat Lovers . Man 's Best Friend was my first paying writing experience . I got to do local book - signings and met with readers . Surely , my next novel would sell . Success was right around the corner for my fiction , right ? Well , not exactly . I did continue to write . But I also wasn 't feeling so great . I grew more and more fatigued , but I chalked it all up to the horrors of what my husband and I had been through in the past couple of years . Cancer hit me , too . Twice . In 2008 and again in 2009 . I went through surgeries , chemotherapy and radiation . My brain was fogged and my body was weak . My characters and stories were silent . It was a dark time . One where I didn 't write . I wasn 't physically able . I was fighting for my life and I was determined to win . As I regained my strength , the notion came to me that I should write something funny . Laugh out loud funny . My previous books had been dark and serious . After so many serious issues in my personal life , I didn 't want to go back to that in my writing life . I wanted to kick back and kick up my heels and play . The River City Mystery Series was born . I wrote Your Eight O ' Clock Is Dead and amused myself . I amused the people that read it and knew that I 'd finally hit my niche . And I sent it out to the traditional publishers and to New York agents that I had met previously . Which one was going to pick it up ? The rejections started . Very positive , almost apologetic rejections . They loved it . YAY , me ! They couldn 't represent or buy it due to the fact that I was an unknown quantity and the economic times were so tight in publishing that they were unwilling to take a chance on me . OUCH . At that point , I had two choices . Write another book and try submitting to traditional publishers or go the indie route . I believed in myself , this book , these characters and this series . So I took the plunge . And I haven 't regretted itBecca Reynolds is having a bad day . Her grandfather 's lecture ( # 405 : Eat a Healthy Diet or Die Not Trying ) makes her late for her job at Daley and Palmer , the psychiatrists ' office where she works as the office manager - her title , not theirs . Then her sausage and egg breakfast biscuit creates an oil slick that takes out half her desk , along with that day 's patient files . But she knows the day has taken a really bad turn when she discovers the firm 's eight o ' clock patient dead with Dr . Dick Daley 's letter opener opening the patient instead of the mail . With the fledgling firm in danger of an early demise , Becca appoints herself the unofficial investigator since the police seem to be looking in all the wrong places and doing a half - assed job of solving the crime . She begins a journey to find the killer , keep the practice afloat and with it , her job . In the course of her interfere - er , investigation - she finds a virtual cast of characters who could have done it , including the fancy side piece of the murder victim , his wife , his business partner , and even his psychiatrist . The case takes Becca from the sordid depths of the Russian mob , to the upscale West End of Richmond , Virginia ( known locally as River City ) , and even to her own backyard . In the course of the story she finds herself in hot water , hot danger , and with dreams of hot men . Thank you for stopping in Kat . It 's been a pleasure having you . Kat is also offering one lucky commenter a chance to win an e - copy of Your Eight O ' Clock is Dead . Just leave Kat a comment with your email address for a chance to win . Winner will be drawn using Random . org and announced next Monday . Welcome Kiki Howell back to BK Walker Books Etc . Kiki is on tour with her new children 's book , What Are You Afraid Of ? This little picture book has been getting some awesome reviews and is not just for Halloween . So follow along for a chance to win her grand prize at the end of her tour and to learn more about Kiki and this wonderful new picture book . Ever since she was young , Kiki Howell has loved to listen to a well - woven tale with real characters , inspired plots , and delightful resolutions . Kiki could spend hours lost in a book , and soon she knew that creating lives , loves , and losses with just words had to be the greatest thing that she could do . To that end , she pursued her study of literature and writing , earning a bachelor 's degree in English . She then followed in a Master 's program in Creative Writing . " After a long break having my boys , I finally just had to write again . And , as soon as I gave the stories the space , they entered it . It 's both awesome and humbling to find the words in my mind become characters on a page and create their lives . " She has now had over twenty stories published between seven different small presses . She could not be more thrilled or grateful to see her creations polished and out in the real world . Please look around . Although , a bit of caution , most of her stories tend to hang out on the graphically sexy side of town . In May , 2011 , Kiki was chosen as an Ohioana Book Festival author for her novel , Torn Asunder . Kiki resides in the Midwest with her incredibly handsome and talented , singer / songwriter husband and two children . When she is not writing , she is spending time with her family , reading , baking or knitting . I 've been called a diverse writer , and maybe I am writing all over the place with a published children 's picture book as well as published adult , paranormal romance novel and a many more genres and lengths in between . But , I 'm not sure I transition as much as hop * giggles * I 've never been one to ease into anything , more a stay up all night learning all I can so I can jump in with both feet type of gal . Yes , I should come with a warning sign ! LOL But , I write what I 'm inspired to - sometimes a subject laying heavy on my heart and sometimes a type of character I want to experiment with , and sometimes a plotline I 've been handed , etc . But , a good four years into my writing career , I think I am still in that experimental phase , just having fun with whatever inspiration comes my way . I think I 'm more trying my hand , finding my place . I thought when I was younger and dreamed of writing that I would write children 's books , picture books to be exact . But then I grew up with after - school specials and soon my stories turned to be like those . I know when I was first in college that I wrote a few stories , one about a runaway , another about a woman with an eating disorder , and so on - still haven 't been brave enough to go back and read those yet though . LOL Someday . But then life happened , and I didn 't get to write for a good decade . Come the year 2007 , I wrote two stories for a writing exercise that were supposed to be in a genre I was not comfortable with , I took as not familiar with . Having just read my first erotic romance , I tried that that genre , and to my surprise , having submitted them on the encouragement of my ever - supportive husband , they were accepted . This of course took me down a road of writing I had never dreamed of . Never even imagined in my wildest dreams ! And , these events had all who knew me saying , " It 's always the quiet ones ! " Of course one reader early on also said that I could describe anything , sex included . LOL During this time though , what I noticed I had this constant neNow that I have such a diverse line of stories out , I don 't seem to be stopping . Again , no smooth transitions , but absolute leaps and bounds from genre to genre . You should see my line up of stories to edit and write in 2012 ! I have a sexy trilogy involving vampires , witches and werewolves at war in a resort town ; I have my first steampunk story with a Valentine 's Day theme ; I have a more reality based mainstream novel about a gifted woman coming to accept who she is and what she can do in the city of Salem , MA ; and I have a story taking shape , a contemporary , feel - good type story about a veteran forty years after the Vietnam war as told through his forty year old daughters eyes . All I have left is to try YA ! LOL No ideas yet though unless I brave those old manuscripts from college . But I shall keep hoping until I find where my writing voice shines best , or maybe I shall just keep jumping around . Who knows ? What Are You Afraid Of ? - A Children 's Picture BookWhile this book is set during Halloween , it 's really a book which addresses the issue of dealing with a child 's fears and is meant to be read during any season by any child dealing with any fear . The setting came about because the author 's dog is actually afraid of children in costumes on Halloween , and the idea seemed just funny enough an approach to work with this very important subject . Please read the Note from the Author to find out more about why this book was written . " Why does the night have to be so dark ? " the big dog named Drake gave a low bark . Everyone has fears , even a big dog like Drake . In fact , the big dog named Drake is afraid of the children in costumes on Halloween . He really only likes the candy his boy drops . Lucky for Drake , the old dog named Zoe is there to help him forget his fears with a fun game . Drake and Zoe can 't wait for you to play along . Giveaway : Welcome to BK Walker Books Etc . I 'm so happy you could join me today the beach . I was so ready for the beach and some warm weather . Tha . . .
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Sarah has always liked Ryan , though she 'd never admit it to her best friend Brianna . Brianna is the popular girl that gets all the boys ' attention . When that attention comes from Ryan , Sarah uses all of her strength to be happy for her . Now that 's a true best friend . As the story moves on we find that it wasn 't Brianna that Ryan was truly after . In Sarah 's shyness and awkwardness with boys , she missed her chance . Can that one moment be regained ? Risking losing her best friend , Sarah can 't deny her feelings towards Ryan any longer . The problem here is that Ryan was never really Brianna 's to begin with . If one best friend can 't tell that the other likes a boy , then I think that is just plain self absorption . She never really was a friend to begin . Scott did an amazing job with this title . I read it in one sitting , anxious to find out what happened next . It so took me back in the day , though I understood this unwritten rule from kindergarten lol . It was a great read , and I 'm glad I had the chance to read it . You will be too and I recommend this book to anyone that enjoys YA with a touch of romance . Beatrice lives in a society where factions rule . You live in one of four ways and that is it . When it comes time for you to cross into adulthood , it is up to you which faction you will choose to be in for the rest of your life . She lives with her mother , father and brother . Her father is certain both children will choose the faction they grew up in . When both choose completely different factions , ones that none of them dreamed of , both children are only scratching the surface . A war is brewing . An overturn of government is on the horizon . The question is , will Beatrice , now Tris , be able to get to the bottom of who 's behind all the chaos before she ends up . . . dead ? Tris learns how to be a part of her faction , becoming fond of her leader and trainer , Four . As the relationship grows , so does the suspense . With surprising twists and turns , this title literally had me on the edge of my seat . This is one book that will have you thinking months after you 've finished reading it . Roth did a phenomenal job , I just can 't get enough . Highly recommended ! Dana Littlejohn was born and raised in Brooklyn , New York , but has called Indianapolis , In . her home for over ten years . She has always wanted to write since early childhood , but put that wish on hold to raise her growing family and have a career . With the encouragement of her husband , Dana picked up her pen again in 2003 and has no intention on putting it down . With 3 novels , 8 novellas , 4 stories in anthologies , 42 short stories published to date and a long list of wip ( works in progress ) she is literally living her dream . Join her on the wild journey through her imagination . It 's a ride you 'll never forget ! BK : Please tell us a little about yourself . . . My name id Dana Littlejohn . Many people ask if that is a pseudo , but no , it 's my real name . I write sensual and erotic romance . I work a nine to five , Monday - Friday and mostly write the rest of the time that I am awake . BK : Please tell us a little about your book . . . . Jade Dupree is beautiful , smart and the only daughter of a well known and liked general . Many young airmen would like the chance to be with her ; not only for her own accomplishments , but the connection it would give them to the general would be invaluable . Jade 's mother is all for her being with an airman and spends most of her time matchmaking . When she finally introduces Jade to an airman she might be compatible with , Jade met Mike Davis , a young entrepreneur . Jade dates them both trying to get to know the men and learns a great deal more then she bargained for . BK : What inspired you to pen this particular novel ? Behind the Wings came about after a conversation my son and I had when he came home from the air force . I asked him how life was in the air force and he laughed . He said you don 't have a life when your soldier , you just do as you 're told . Only officers have a real life . I thought about and wondered what life would be like . So I made up what I thought life was like and Behind the Wings was born . BK : When did you first consider yourself a writer ? I have always considered myself a writer . I wrote my first complete short story when I was 12 , but I became an author when I sold my first story . That was an amazing feeling I will never forget . BK : How do you keep your story flowing ? I don 't actually . I can only write when the characters speak to me . I know the beginning , the middle and the end , but they tell me how I get from one point to the other . I f they don 't tell me where to go I can go . BK : Do you ever run into writer 's block , and if so , what do you do to get past it ? Oh yes . When they stop talking to me it 's frustrating , but there 's nothing I can do . I usually watch movies to take my mind off the story or play Mahjong to give my brain something else to do . BK : What is your writing process like ? Do you have any quirks , or must - haves to write ? Yeah , I do . I always have a bag of sunflower seeds nearby and my music is playing too . Most of the time it 's guys singing love songs . It gives me the feeling that I 'm being serenaded . Jade Dupree had always been a hot commodity among the young airman . She tried not to date them , but having an old school mother and a worldly father gave her a challenging social life . Her mother 's only goal in life seemed to be to get her to settle her down with the next available airman and birth as many babies as possible . BK : Where do you hope your books / writing will be in the future ? I 'm aware that I 'm small player in the big leagues . I 'm grateful that is enough love to go around , I 'd like to write that one novel that takes me to the next level . When you ask people who writes horror the first name that comes to mind is Steven King even if you don 't read horror you know that . I think that would be amazingly cool if the question was asked about erotic romance and people said Dana Littlejohn . BK : What do you hope readers will take away from your books ? Satisfaction . When they read the last lines of one of my books I 'd like a smile to appear on their face and have them sigh with pleasure saying , ' that was cool . I really liked that one ' . BK : What is one piece of advice you received that you carry with you in your writing ? Before I start another book I read a few in that genre to see what has worked and what is acceptable . Having said that , I constantly remind myself just because that style or idea worked for them doesn 't mean it will work for me to keep myself true to my own style and voice when I write . As a writer the first thing you want to do is know how to write . No matter how good your story is it will get dropped into the trash with the quickness if it is riddled with writing errors . Improve on your craft consistently . As an author find your voice and stay true to it . BK : Are you currently working on any new projects ? What can we expect from you in the future ? Oh yes . My WIP list is an arm long . LOL I am usually working or 2 or 3 stories at once because the characters stop talking and then pick back up often . I just sent out a 2 book series on the African goddess of the sun and her sister the goddess of the moon , Conquering the Sun and A Warrior for the Moon The next story that is almost ready to be subbed is Ming 's Mojo . It 's about a wife who thinks her husband has become complacent with their marriage . She uses unconventional means to spark his interests in her again . " Not a what , a who . I don 't know who she is , but she 's been following me around since I got here . " He ducked behind her and twirled her around . " Okay , then why did you come to this party ? " He lowered himself again , his body folded almost in half in an attempt to hide himself behind Jade 's smaller frame . " Shit , don 't move . There she is , " he whispered urgently . He retreated , pulling Jade with him , closer to the center of the dance floor . Somehow he managed to keep the beat with the fast paced music as he slipped by the dancers He kept his face down and her back turned to the woman , using her as a shield , but Jade 's curiosity was peaked . She peeked over her left shoulder , trying to spy who the man was hiding from . Thank you so much for taking time to chat with me today . It 's been a pleasure having you and I wish you much success in the future . Thanks for having me . I had a great time . J Giveaway : I have promotional ink pens and key chains I can give away . I will give one 2 readers . ( meaning 1 person gets a pen and the other gets a key chain ) You can follow Dana 's tour HERE to learn more about her and her books and earn more chances to win prizes . Prophecies are something I 've never really thought about until Cesar came along and introduced me to his book . We 've all so much to learn and think about and Cesar gives us a great thought provoking book to help us . Welcome to BK Walker Books Etc . Cesar , such a pleasure to have you with us . Cesar has a very experienced background in the spiritual world . He was brought up in a Christian family , but branched out from that base as he got older , seeking answers about the world around him , and the spiritual world around him . In his mid - twenties dramatic events occurred in his life which challenged his very existence , but he learned from these experienced and most of learned that how that life is not just in our own hands . Now Cesar is a firm believer that everyone has their own path to walk in life , and part of that walk is all about the choices that you make . Some people choose a good life and some a wicked life , but most of us live the life in the middle , influenced by the world around us and our own upbringing , Cesar understands that life is simply not black and white . My Inspiration for Book of Prophecies There is a lot of talk about whether 2012 might end up being the end of the world , people have pointed to the Mayans and the Hopi and the Egyptians who are all supposedly linked to prophecies about the end of the world . Like many others I have been listening to all the hype with a lot of doubt , but there is an underlying feeling that all of us have ; that the world cannot continue as it is . Yes , most of us go around with our head in the sand , but the simple fact is that we are slowly but surely killing our own planet . But why ? What is it about our society that makes it impossible to change how we treat our planet ? Well there is a very simple answer to why we cannot change . Greed . You see our society is built upon a system of money and loans and finance , they say that ' money makes the world go round ' but you see the world belongs to all of us ! I take out a loan to buy a piece of land ; land which rightly belongs to all of us . I take my car to fill up on petrol ; petrol which rightly belongs to all of us . I could go on , but my point is that in a world where there is no ownership , there is no sense of responsibility . We feel that our responsibility stops at the point where we hand over money . But this is not the way that life was intended for us all , and change will happen one way or the other . Either we , as a society take responsibility and make the changes , or the changes will be forced upon us by things beyond our control . These ideals were inspiration , but more - so the rollercoaster of ups and downs that my life has become , but I feel now more than ever that my purpose in life was to stand and say to God that I am here and willing to speak for Him . And that simple choice has led me on a long journey to this point , it has opened my eyes to knowledge and things that were maybe forgotten hundreds of years , but I remain a humble man , just existing to pass on a simple message ; now is the time for change . www . cesarprophecies . com Thank you so much for chatting with us Cesar . I wish you much success in the future . Cesar is currently on tour with the Virtual Book Tour Cafe ' and you can view his schedule HERE . Follow along to learn more about Cesar and the prophecies . Lisa Scott is a former TV news anchor who now enjoys making up stories instead of sticking to the facts . The first book in her Willowdale Romance series will be released by Belle Bridge books in November 2012 . In the meantime , she 'll be releasing short stories linked to the Willowdale series , in addition to her Flirts ! collections . Blurb : Every volume of the Flirts ! Collection features five sweet , funny romantic short stories , linked by a loose thread . It all ties up in a fab , fun ending , bringing together characters from all the stories in that collection . Each short story is 8 , 000 - 12 , 000 words long - - the perfect length to squeeze in during your lunch break or kids ' practices . Sometimes you need a little love ! http : / / readlisascott . com http : / / www . facebook . com / pages / Read - Lisa - Scott / 227457993948941 Welcome to BK Walker Books Etc . I 'm so happy you could join me to kickoff your tour today from your well - worn recliner with the dog 's chin resting on your laptop . For those of you joining us today , you will also have a chance to win a $ 10 Amazon Gift Card which Lisa will randomly draw from those that leave a comment during her tour . The more you comment , the greater your chances are of winning ! I work from home as a voice artist and writer . I 'm a former TV news anchor and it 's great fun not to be constrained by the facts anymore when telling a story . I 'm married with two kids , two cats , a dog , and a pond full of koi fish . BK : Please tell us a little about your book . . . . My latest release is Fairy Tale Flirts ! It 's volume number four of my Flirts ! Collection . Each volume has five linked short stories that tie up together in a fabulous happy ending . My readers love how characters appear in other stories and usually make an appearance at the end . BK : What inspired you to pen this particular novel ? I thought it would be fun to write modern love stories inspired by fairy tales - without any magic . So , I put together Fairy Tale Flirts ! Hopefully , they 're infused with a bit of real - life magic . BK : When did you first consider yourself a writer ? Probably the first time I sold something for publication . I 've sold a few essays and even greeting card verses . When my children were little , I wrote a humorous parenting column online . I didn 't start writing novel length fiction until 2007 . BK : Do you ever run into writer 's block , and if so , what do you do to get past it ? Oh yes , writer 's block is a beast . But usually if I take a walk , things work themselves out in my head and I 'm ready to get back to the keyboard . BK : What is your writing process like ? Do you have any quirks , or must - haves to write ? I usually have to have the main characters ' back stories all worked out before I can sit down and do serious writing . Once I have that in place , it flows nicely . Then I need to perfect the first few pages so when I 'm in the middle of the project , convinced it 's horrible , I can go back to those first few pages and remember why I love it . I hope more people discover and enjoy short stories . I 'd love to keep writing these collections . It 's great for someone like me who comes up with loads of ideas for stories . BK : What is one piece of advice you received that you carry with you in your writing ? Write what you love to write . While erotica is a hot seller , it 's just not me . But I do love sweet , funny romances , and while my audience might be smaller than that for erotica , this is where I feel comfortable writing , and have a lot of fun with it . I wouldn 't start writing something just to chase a trend . BK : What is one piece of advice you would give to new and aspiring writers ? Not everyone is going to love what you write . Don 't be discouraged by that . It 's just not possible to please everyone , so please the audience you 're targeting . What can we expect from you in the future ? I 'm always working on several projects . I signed a two - book deal with Belle Bridge Books for my Willowdale Romance series . Think fun , contemporary romance with a southern twist . No Foolin ' will be published in November 2012 . A small town girl poses as a movie star 's girlfriend so no one will know why he 's really in town . Tricking the press they 're in love is one thing ; fooling themselves they 're not is getting harder each day . I 'll be preceding that book with a few Willowdale short stories , and of course , more Flirts ! Collections . Wedding Flirts ! And Reunion Flirts ! are coming soon . Flirts ! 5 Romantic Short Stories to squeeze into your busy life . Fun , flirty , sweet , and sassy - always with the perfect happy ending . Discover the link that ties the stories together . Each story is 8 , 000 to 11 , 000 words in length ( approximately 32 - 44 typical book pages in length . 53 , 000 words total , or 210 typical book pages . ) The stories include : " The Hot Girl 's Friend " How can a plain Jane find love when her best friend is a curvy blond man magnet ? Jane usually busies herself during a night on the town , fending off the men lusting after her gorgeous friend Miranda . When Brady the bartender overhears her inspired , ludicrous excuses , he resolves to hook up Jane with his friends . But Jane would be quite happy with him . Pine along as Jane tries to find her own happily ever after . " Wrong Place , Right Guy " She 's in the wrong place at the wrong time . Can the guy who saves her be Mr . Right ? Or will his past keep them apart ? When Kristen is jumped in a parking lot , Tony jumps in to save the day . While she thinks her hero could also be her heartthrob , Tony 's worried his past is reason to stay apart . Will the good guy get the girl in the end ? " Not You " One night with a stranger … gets even stranger the next day . Single , lonely Carly thinks the best way to handle her mother 's third wedding is by throwing her own bachelorette - party - for - one the night before . What 's the harm in her first one - night stand ever ? She 'll find out the next day . " Desperately Seeking Cupid " Does she finally have the key for finding love ? Brianna has tried everything to find love - with no luck . So she 's turning to feng shui to bring romance to her world . Too bad the guy she 's after thinks its bunk . Will her formula for love work - or blow up in her face ? " Never Been Dumped " It 's a relationship with an expiration date and it 's going to go bad . Rachel hates breaking hearts . She 's never been dumped , and she 's tired of being the one to walk away . But a handsome stranger in town for the summer promises he 'll dump her afteexcerpt : from " Washed Up " story # 4 in the Beach Flirts ! collection He woke to darkness and pain , with a pounding head and churning stomach ; but soft lips crushed against his , so the night couldn 't have been that bad . His mouth moved in response , and he reached to find the body attached to those remarkable lips . He wrapped one hand around the back of her neck , while the other trailed further south over her collarbone , cupping a round , firm … Slap ! His eyes opened to an explosion of light . Then he sat up and puked . Seawater spewed from his mouth and someone rolled him onto his side . " He 's okay , but get the lifeguard ! " a woman shouted . She rubbed his arm . " You 're fine . Everything 's fine . " This wasn 't exactly his definition of fine . He blinked away salty brine and fell back on the sand . " What the hell happened ? " He looked up at the woman - petite , with dark eyes , and long hair that glowed in the sun . " I 'm not sure . I found you washed up here . " " And then you kissed me ? " he asked . Crazy fans had tried worse . At least duct tape and handcuffs hadn 't been involved this time ; an actor without his sense of humor might have pressed charges . " Kiss you ? " She rolled her eyes . " Ever heard of CPR ? I was a lifeguard in high school . You kissed me , and then you tried … " she winced . excerpt # 2 from " The Hot Girl 's Friend " story # ! from the Flirts ! Collection We boogied to the hip song of the moment and soon enough , a few gutsy gals left the security of the scattered tables and joined us . Then the drunker of the men crowded the floor , probably wondering if they should shoot for the top and approach Miranda or pick one of us " lesser " girls - like they could flatter us into bed by flirting with us first . For the most part , men at bars are idiots . Newsflash , I know . I shrugged . " I suppose she could use a pen pal . Although her ex might be writing to her , too . He seems to have gotten over the whole stabbing thing . You really only need one testicle , right ? " I boogied away from him and started getting my excuses ready for the string of men who would soon be lining up to meet the second most appealing woman in the bar - the hot chick 's best friend . Always a good girl to know when trying to make your move . At least , that 's what the men seemed to think . " So , I 'm invited to a grownup Halloween party next weekend . Would you like to come ? We 've already got fabulous costumes . " He waggled his eyebrows . I blew out a long breath . My heart was shouting ' yes , ' but my brain stamped its foot ' no ' - kind of like Chelsea often did . " I don 't think so . " Jeff snapped his fingers . " Wait , just a minute . I know what the problem is . I 'll be right back . " He dashed over to the big cauldron of candy and goodies set up on a banquet table , dug through the treats inside , and hurried back . He sat down and stared at me , all serious . Then he smiled , showing off neon - green vampire teeth . " Do you ' vant to go out ' vith me now ? " he said , with a deep , sultry , Dracula accent . Frowning , he lost the accent . " I heard women are really into vampires these days . " He shrugged . " Did my sister lie to me about that ? " My lips twitched into a smile . This guy could 've been a new hot member of the Cullen family from Twilight , but I still wouldn 't go out with him . " I 'm sorry , not even the sexiest , pointiest , vampire teeth could tempt me . " He leaned across the table towards me , lowering his voice . " I 'm a police officer . Are women into police officers these days ? I 've got the uniform and everything . " Dorene Sager and Armin Feldman are sister and brother . the idea for the cookbook sprang from the discovery of a treasure trove of their mother 's recipes after she passed away . Now Our Mother 's Recipes , Carrying On a Jewish Tradition is a Web site , a cookbook , a TV show and a place to learn about what the best Jewish cuisine has to offer . Welcome to BK Walker Books Etc . Armin and Dorene . It 's such a pleasure having you here ( Scottsdale ) . I 'm very excited about your cookbook , and after reading it I 've found some great recipes I 'm going to try myself . BK : Please tell us a bit about youself . . . Dorene represents the best of so many different things . Dorene is a cookbook author , a wife and mother , a commercial real estate broker , a devoted family member , a true friend and so much more . Dorene says " I had so much fun working with my brother putting together all of the different ways to showcase our mother 's recipes . Armin wears a number of hats too . Armin is a cookbook author , husband , dog lover , supporter of friends and family , medical doctor and a lot more . Armin says " What a treat to work with the best sister ever in creating all of these venues to showcase our mother 's remarkable culinary skills . " BK : Which is your favorite recipe ? Armin : I absolutely love mom 's beet borscht . You don 't need to even like beets to love this soup . Dorene : It 's impossible to say , however , you can 't beat our mother 's brisket . It is to die for . I always want to make enough for leftovers the next day . BK : I hear you two will be doing cooking videos online , tell us a bit about this ? We hope we are not doing cooking videos online . We would like to have a show on the Food Network . Visit our website at ourmothersrecipesonline . com , take a look at our TV pilot and if you like it click on the link to let the Food Network know we should have a show . BK : Where can readers find you ? Our website is www . OurMothersRecipesOnline . com . Please visit and tell your friends . There is tons of information , recipes and tips . Join our Recipe of the Week Club , it 's free . Add a wonderful cuisine to your everyday meals and special gatherings . Traditional Jewish cooking is flavorful , fun and hearty particularly with Our Mother 's Recipes , Carrying on a Jewish Tradition . These recipes have been handed down through many generations influenced by Middle Eastern , Mediterranean , Spanish , German and Eastern European styles of cooking . In our family all of these cultural influences were combined , synthesized and affected by local ingredients through the years resulting in sumptuous , rich and wonderfully fulfilling traditional Jewish dishes . My Thoughts : I loved this cookbook and have found some amazing recipes that I will be cooking for my own family . They are all easy to understand , and though this may be a Jewish Cookbook , you 're going to love it ! There is something for everyone . Be sure to visit them online too where you can signup for their Recipe of the Week , watch videos of them actually cooking and more . A notorious daydreamer , Kat knew it was only a matter of time before she became a writer . She learned to read by age four and had her first library card before her fifth birthday . To this day , she can lose herself for hours among the books at her local library or neighborhood bookstore . Ebooks and online ordering have made it really easy for her to keep her To Be Read pile from ever going down . A native of Richmond , Virginia , Kat is married with children and has a cranky tuxedo cat named Ben . http : / / katjorgensen . com The Road to PublishingFor as long as I can remember , I 've wanted to be a writer . Essays were my favorite part of school . Only a page ! You 've got to be kidding . While classmates breathed a sigh of relief , I was thinking of ways to write smaller so I could crowd more words on that one page . My world history report in high school was a meaty 100 pages . Others turned in a wimpy 25 , the required minimum . I had an absolute blast researching and then compiling my notes into a cohesive document . And the A + wasn 't too bad for my GPA either . Over the years , I wrote for school newspapers and company magazines , and I enjoyed every minute of it . But somehow I was hesitant to commit to a full - length novel while working full - time and raising a family . Instead , I entertained friends and family with satires on various subjects , short stories and just plain old story ideas . When my audience would laugh , cry or applaud , it was just the best feeling . My mother always encouraged me to pursue my writing . She always nurtured and supported me in whatever I undertook . Her belief in me was astounding . So when she passed away in 2000 and I found myself with an empty nest , I decided to write that novel . I figured if she believed in me so wholeheartedly , I should believe in myself . But where to start ? The blank screen stared at me . I switched to paper . The yellow legal sheet mocked me . I read books on writing . I took online classes . I joined online groups . I took writing classes at one of our local universities . I joined local writers ' groups . I wrote a novel . It was the greatest feeling . It ended up being 991 pages ! I was so proud when I went into my monthly writers ' meeting and announced it was done . Much applause . I gave the page count . Total silence . Then someone spoke up and asked if I knew it was too long to be marketable . Yes , I was aware of that . It needed editing . So I went home and thought that one over . The next month I came back and let them know that I knew what my book needed . My college writing teacher wanted to know if it was an eleven page prologue . I had to smile . By now they all realized I like to write and write long . But no , it wasn 't a prologue this book needed . It was severe editing . I proceeded to phase two - learning how to edit what is written . I trimmed the book by more than half . And in the process learned a great deal about the whole writing process and added even more tools to my novelist toolkit . Then came phase three - sending it out . More research followed on how to do that . And then the rejections poured in . I was not happy . How could they not love my plot or my characters ? How could they reject ME ? Yes , I was that new . I went to writers ' conferences , seminars , took more classes , networked with more writers . Joined a critique group . Went on writing retreats . Volunteered for positions within my local group . Sought out mentors . Gave back where I could as I learned . Immersed myself in my craft . And learned so much . I continued to write novels . Continued to pitch . Continued to get rejections . But the rejections were better , the feedback more positive . My writing tighter . As cIn 2008 , I had a non - fiction story about how our cat responded to my husband 's 2006 cancer surgeries and recovery published in A Cup of Comfort for Cat Lovers . Man 's Best Friend was my first paying writing experience . I got to do local book - signings and met with readers . Surely , my next novel would sell . Success was right around the corner for my fiction , right ? Well , not exactly . I did continue to write . But I also wasn 't feeling so great . I grew more and more fatigued , but I chalked it all up to the horrors of what my husband and I had been through in the past couple of years . Cancer hit me , too . Twice . In 2008 and again in 2009 . I went through surgeries , chemotherapy and radiation . My brain was fogged and my body was weak . My characters and stories were silent . It was a dark time . One where I didn 't write . I wasn 't physically able . I was fighting for my life and I was determined to win . As I regained my strength , the notion came to me that I should write something funny . Laugh out loud funny . My previous books had been dark and serious . After so many serious issues in my personal life , I didn 't want to go back to that in my writing life . I wanted to kick back and kick up my heels and play . The River City Mystery Series was born . I wrote Your Eight O ' Clock Is Dead and amused myself . I amused the people that read it and knew that I 'd finally hit my niche . And I sent it out to the traditional publishers and to New York agents that I had met previously . Which one was going to pick it up ? The rejections started . Very positive , almost apologetic rejections . They loved it . YAY , me ! They couldn 't represent or buy it due to the fact that I was an unknown quantity and the economic times were so tight in publishing that they were unwilling to take a chance on me . OUCH . At that point , I had two choices . Write another book and try submitting to traditional publishers or go the indie route . I believed in myself , this book , these characters and this series . So I took the plunge . And I haven 't regretted itBecca Reynolds is having a bad day . Her grandfather 's lecture ( # 405 : Eat a Healthy Diet or Die Not Trying ) makes her late for her job at Daley and Palmer , the psychiatrists ' office where she works as the office manager - her title , not theirs . Then her sausage and egg breakfast biscuit creates an oil slick that takes out half her desk , along with that day 's patient files . But she knows the day has taken a really bad turn when she discovers the firm 's eight o ' clock patient dead with Dr . Dick Daley 's letter opener opening the patient instead of the mail . With the fledgling firm in danger of an early demise , Becca appoints herself the unofficial investigator since the police seem to be looking in all the wrong places and doing a half - assed job of solving the crime . She begins a journey to find the killer , keep the practice afloat and with it , her job . In the course of her interfere - er , investigation - she finds a virtual cast of characters who could have done it , including the fancy side piece of the murder victim , his wife , his business partner , and even his psychiatrist . The case takes Becca from the sordid depths of the Russian mob , to the upscale West End of Richmond , Virginia ( known locally as River City ) , and even to her own backyard . In the course of the story she finds herself in hot water , hot danger , and with dreams of hot men . Thank you for stopping in Kat . It 's been a pleasure having you . Kat is also offering one lucky commenter a chance to win an e - copy of Your Eight O ' Clock is Dead . Just leave Kat a comment with your email address for a chance to win . Winner will be drawn using Random . org and announced next Monday . Welcome Kiki Howell back to BK Walker Books Etc . Kiki is on tour with her new children 's book , What Are You Afraid Of ? This little picture book has been getting some awesome reviews and is not just for Halloween . So follow along for a chance to win her grand prize at the end of her tour and to learn more about Kiki and this wonderful new picture book . Ever since she was young , Kiki Howell has loved to listen to a well - woven tale with real characters , inspired plots , and delightful resolutions . Kiki could spend hours lost in a book , and soon she knew that creating lives , loves , and losses with just words had to be the greatest thing that she could do . To that end , she pursued her study of literature and writing , earning a bachelor 's degree in English . She then followed in a Master 's program in Creative Writing . " After a long break having my boys , I finally just had to write again . And , as soon as I gave the stories the space , they entered it . It 's both awesome and humbling to find the words in my mind become characters on a page and create their lives . " She has now had over twenty stories published between seven different small presses . She could not be more thrilled or grateful to see her creations polished and out in the real world . Please look around . Although , a bit of caution , most of her stories tend to hang out on the graphically sexy side of town . In May , 2011 , Kiki was chosen as an Ohioana Book Festival author for her novel , Torn Asunder . Kiki resides in the Midwest with her incredibly handsome and talented , singer / songwriter husband and two children . When she is not writing , she is spending time with her family , reading , baking or knitting . I 've been called a diverse writer , and maybe I am writing all over the place with a published children 's picture book as well as published adult , paranormal romance novel and a many more genres and lengths in between . But , I 'm not sure I transition as much as hop * giggles * I 've never been one to ease into anything , more a stay up all night learning all I can so I can jump in with both feet type of gal . Yes , I should come with a warning sign ! LOL But , I write what I 'm inspired to - sometimes a subject laying heavy on my heart and sometimes a type of character I want to experiment with , and sometimes a plotline I 've been handed , etc . But , a good four years into my writing career , I think I am still in that experimental phase , just having fun with whatever inspiration comes my way . I think I 'm more trying my hand , finding my place . I thought when I was younger and dreamed of writing that I would write children 's books , picture books to be exact . But then I grew up with after - school specials and soon my stories turned to be like those . I know when I was first in college that I wrote a few stories , one about a runaway , another about a woman with an eating disorder , and so on - still haven 't been brave enough to go back and read those yet though . LOL Someday . But then life happened , and I didn 't get to write for a good decade . Come the year 2007 , I wrote two stories for a writing exercise that were supposed to be in a genre I was not comfortable with , I took as not familiar with . Having just read my first erotic romance , I tried that that genre , and to my surprise , having submitted them on the encouragement of my ever - supportive husband , they were accepted . This of course took me down a road of writing I had never dreamed of . Never even imagined in my wildest dreams ! And , these events had all who knew me saying , " It 's always the quiet ones ! " Of course one reader early on also said that I could describe anything , sex included . LOL During this time though , what I noticed I had this constant neNow that I have such a diverse line of stories out , I don 't seem to be stopping . Again , no smooth transitions , but absolute leaps and bounds from genre to genre . You should see my line up of stories to edit and write in 2012 ! I have a sexy trilogy involving vampires , witches and werewolves at war in a resort town ; I have my first steampunk story with a Valentine 's Day theme ; I have a more reality based mainstream novel about a gifted woman coming to accept who she is and what she can do in the city of Salem , MA ; and I have a story taking shape , a contemporary , feel - good type story about a veteran forty years after the Vietnam war as told through his forty year old daughters eyes . All I have left is to try YA ! LOL No ideas yet though unless I brave those old manuscripts from college . But I shall keep hoping until I find where my writing voice shines best , or maybe I shall just keep jumping around . Who knows ? What Are You Afraid Of ? - A Children 's Picture BookWhile this book is set during Halloween , it 's really a book which addresses the issue of dealing with a child 's fears and is meant to be read during any season by any child dealing with any fear . The setting came about because the author 's dog is actually afraid of children in costumes on Halloween , and the idea seemed just funny enough an approach to work with this very important subject . Please read the Note from the Author to find out more about why this book was written . " Why does the night have to be so dark ? " the big dog named Drake gave a low bark . Everyone has fears , even a big dog like Drake . In fact , the big dog named Drake is afraid of the children in costumes on Halloween . He really only likes the candy his boy drops . Lucky for Drake , the old dog named Zoe is there to help him forget his fears with a fun game . Drake and Zoe can 't wait for you to play along . Giveaway : Welcome to BK Walker Books Etc . I 'm so happy you could join me today the beach . I was so ready for the beach and some warm weather . Tha . . .
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It was not a great night for sleeping here last night . I went to bed early and watched an episode and a half of Grey 's Anatomy ( my new guilty pleasure , thanks to N ! ) , then fell asleep . I woke up with indigestion , thanks to the brownie sundae I had for dessert , at about 12 : 30 . An hour later , I was still awake , fussing in my head over which doula to choose . ( We met with two and really liked them both ; D and I , of course , lean in different directions about which one we prefer . ) So at 1 : 45 or so I took my pillows and waddled downstairs to the guest room , where I took some Tums , read for a while and then went back to sleep . And then the sun rose , and Jelly started her morning wandering . The wandering is why we banished her from the bedroom in the first place , but when I 'm downstairs there 's no way to escape it . If I shut the guestroom door , she noisily sniffs underneath it and tries to pry it open with her paw . If I leave it open , as I did last night , she paces in the ( vain ) hope that I will get up , put her out and , most importantly , feed her . I did none of those things . Nor did I sleep . Instead , I listened to her toenails click , click , click across the wood floors until D got up at about 7 and took care of her . I closed the bedroom door and hoped I could go back to sleep . Twenty minutes later , I was up for good . And a few minutes after that , as I sat blearily in the chair by the computer , willing myself to take a shower , half - blind Jelly wandered over to me , managing to plow right into Rocky in the process . Rocky jumped and snarled , and Jelly , startled , started barking her fool head off . And that 's when the words came out of my mouth : " If you don 't stop it , you are going straight to the pound . " Granted , the dog is mostly deaf , nor is she particularly fluent in English , so my words meant nothing to her . But D came downstairs and said , " Did I just hear you threaten Jelly with the pound ? " He was surprised , and a little amused , that the daily occurrence of Jelly stomping on Rocky , then barking like an idiot , pushed me to thoposted by mc at 9 : 06 AM Throughout my pregnancy , I 've been thrilled with the support I 've gotten from all my bloggy buddies . . . not to mention the comfort I 've gotten from lurking on other blogs that deal with pregnancy and motherhood - related topics . I was worried initially about getting assvice every time I mentioned a twinge or a pang or a fear , but it just hasn 't happened . At least online . I just got another email from my college roommate , who is due with her second a few days after the bambina 's supposed to get here . C and I lived together for the second half of freshman year and all of sophomore year . After that , we went our separate ways , in part because we each delved into our ( wildly varying ) majors and in part because , frankly , I got a backbone and didn 't need to spend all my time with someone who was happy to tell me what I should think and do and wear , etc . We never had a falling out , more of a drifting apart , so we 've stayed in touch on and off since then . D and I went to her wedding , and she would have come to ours if her husband hadn 't had a health emergency at the last minute . Our communication has been pretty mundane , at least until we exchanged the info about our pregnancies . Now , she feels the need to tell me what to do at every turn , and It . Drives . Me . Crazy . ( Ginga , I bet you are enjoying this ! ) We were emailing yesterday about a bunch of stuff and I happened to mention that we 're looking for daycare and about to start childbirth classes . Her response ? You 'll never find part - time daycare in a center , and you absolutely must get an epidural . Gah . Now , don 't get me wrong - - lots of times I want input from friends about this stuff . But when I do , I tend to phrase it in the form of a question . Perhaps I 'm old - fashioned , but I believe the use of an interrogative sentence conveys the meaning that one is looking for a response from another . And I have specifically not asked C any questions , not since she started sending me unsolicited tips ( " add some juice to your water so you make sure you get enough fluids ! " ) that make me feelposted by mc at 9 : 20 AM So , as I mentioned below , today we hit 32 weeks . I also happened to have a doctor 's appointment this morning , and I would like to just say again how much I love my doctors and their staff . All is well with me and the baby , as far as anyone can tell . I 've gained six pounds since my last visit , three weeks ago - - probably my largest gain so far , which would certainly explain why the clothes are no longer fitting . Overall , I 've gained about 20 lbs . , which seems fine . Although it does mean there 's at least five to ten more to come . . . hard to imagine . And the coolest part ? The doc showed me how the baby is positioned , which was super - cool , especially since her head is already down low in my pelvis . And , the doc said , it 's unlikely since she 's down already that she will flip back up . So there 's one potential c - section reason tentatively crossed off . ( Obviously , things can and will change , but it 's nice to know she 's in a good spot . I really , really would love to avoid a c - section . ) What 's even better about knowing how she 's positioned , though , is relating her movements to actual body parts . I felt a bunch of movement along my upper right abdomen this afternoon , and was thrilled to know that it 's probably her feet . And knowing that while experiencing the sensation was just incredible . The more info I get about her , the more real this all becomes . Holy cow , I am having a BABY . Who knew ? • Accent : Pretty middle - of - the - road , considering I grew up on the Joisey Shore , but when I get talking to my friend P , who has stayed there his whole life except for one year ? Then it 's cawfee all the way . • Booze : Oh , how I miss it . I love a gin and tonic or a mojito ( or three ) , not to mention the occasional cosmopolitan or Cape Codder . As for the beer and wine , I love them , too . Poor me . • Chore I hate : All of them . But I shouldn 't complain since my fabulous husband does the vast majority of the cleaning at our house . One of mine that 's irritating : Shredding things . The noise irritates the dogs , which irritates me . • Dog or cat : Dogs all the way . • Essential electronics : cellphone , PC , iPod . • Favorite cologne ( s ) : My stint last year at the Very Swanky Gym got me hooked on Lothantique 's green tea eau d ' toilette , which they supplied for free in the locker room . It 's very light and refreshing , which is why I like it . Ye olde morning sickness , however , kept me away from it for months . • Gold or silver : Silver . • Hometown : The Jersey Shore . • Insomnia : More these days than ever before , but it seems to have eased up a bit . • Job title : Associate editor . • Kids : Ummm , approximately 0 . 8 ? I never know how to answer this one . Speaking of which : 32 weeks today ! • Living arrangements : A 1920s bungalow which started life as a Sears kit house . I kid you not . And I have the good fortune to share it with the best guy in the world . • Most admirable trait : Yeesh , I dunno . I 'll say my constant attempts to connect like - minded people , or those who would benefit in some way by knowing one another . • Number of sexual partners : A few more than I wish there were . • Overnight hospital stays : When I was born , and once after I fainted in the middle of the night , the year before grad school . One more impending . . . • Phobias : I 'm not a big fan of snakes , but I 'm not sure that rises to the level of a phobia . • Quote : " Badges ? We don 't need no stinkin ' badges . " • Religion : Extremely lapsed Catholic . • Siblings : Oposted by mc at 8 : 19 AM One of the things I love about folk shows is that they 're one of the only kinds of concerts I can think of in which , when you arrive a few minutes late , the only other person in the parking lot is the performer , unloading his own gear in the rain . That was the case Sunday night when we saw Richard Shindell , a singer - songwriter whose work I 've long adored . I think I first heard him when he was part of Cry Cry Cry , the folkie supergroup he formed with Dar Williams and Lucy Kaplansky . ( Their only album is absolutely fantastic ; you should check it out . ) He 's got a warm , rich voice , and he writes songs that are remarkable for their detail and their humanity . His background is interesting , too - - he spent a couple years in the seminary before deciding to pursue this music thing . You can hear his intellect at work in his songs ; he 's a very literate guy , but he doesn 't come off as highbrow , even though a song on his most recent album uses a stanza of a John Donne poem as the final verse . We 'd seen him perform once before , at the Falcon Ridge Folk Festival in the Berkshires . But we were far away , and I believe he was performing in the round with other singer - songwriters , so we 'd never had a chance to really see him do his own thing . Since he lives most of the year in Argentina , chances to see him - - especially in Maine - - are few and far between . So when we heard about this show , with $ 20 tickets , we signed up immediately , even though it was a Sunday night show in Waspy Town about 40 minutes south of here . After a whirlwind trip to Providence and back , heading out into the rain again was not something we were looking forward to . And if it 'd been someone we 'd seen before , or someone I appreciated less , we probably would have eaten the tickets and stayed on the couch . Boy , am I glad we went . First of all , I love this venue - - the basement of a Unitarian church in Waspy Town , it tends to draw graying New England lefties , who can be relied upon to cheer anti - Bush songs and chuckle appreciatively at political jokes of any kind . Wposted by mc at 8 : 34 AM It 's been an exhausting few days - we 've been out of state and back , to a concert and back , and I co - ran a daylong seminar 70 miles away today - but I wanted to update you on the grandmama drama . ( Thanks for all your support , btw . ) I finally spoke with my mom on Saturday morning , and here 's what she 's upset about : She has not bought anything for the baby because she worries when she picks something up that we won 't like it , so she puts it back instead . And that was it . Talk about anticlimactic . The funny thing is , this is one of the topics D and I had guessed might be bothering our moms . And , as I told my mom the other day , we are picky about stuff - - especially when it comes to the big stuff , like furniture for our home , or the safety - related items . But she has been nervous about buying clothes and toys . . . which completely baffles me . At the moment , every single piece of clothing we own for this little girl has been a gift ; a good chunk of it has come from complete strangers ( via Freecycle ) . So I was a little baffled about the perception that I am being picky about this stuff . It turns out , though , that my mom totally misinterpreted something I 'd said in passing , which was that we don 't need newborn clothes . That is , in fact , true - - the child will not want for things to wear for the first several months of our life . Does that I mean I forbid my mother from buying some frilly little dresses ? Absolutely not . It 's just that some friends were pressing us on what we still needed for shower gifts - - they wanted to be sure that they were buying something useful that wouldn 't be overkill . And speaking of overkill . . . that 's what this whole situation has turned out to be . I still haven 't talked to D 's mom ; she 's out of town from now through Saturday , so we 're hoping to catch up with her on Sunday . She 's already said once that whatever my mom said goes for her , too . I suspect the truth is a bit more complicated than that , but we 'll see what happens when we talk this weekend . The thing that kills me about all of this : theoretiposted by mc at 5 : 28 PM D and I have been keeping a close watch on my bellybutton as a barometer of overall bellysize . Day by day , it gets smaller and shallower , on what seems to be its inevitable progress from innie to outie . And I wonder why my pants keep getting tighter . . . Not to mention the fact that I continue to bitch about said tightness , completely forgetting ( again ) that the waistband is adjustable . Why is this so hard to remember ? * * * * * * * * Not much to report on the grandmama drama , other than the fact that I was really tired and perhaps a wee bit hormonal last night and thus took all of this too hard , as I think is reflected in my nutso post on the matter . After a decent night 's sleep ( only one bathroom trip ! ) I feel much less discombobulated by the whole mess . My mom wrote this morning to say that I shouldn 't worry , that her issue is just some miscommunication or lack of communication . I still feel like I 'm in trouble , but whatever . . . and , no , we haven 't been able to find a time to talk . Maybe early tomorrow morning , but if not then Sunday afternoon or Monday evening . Gah . As for the MIL , D and I decided last night that I would call her this morning , which I did . Fortunately or unfortunately , I got her voicemail , so I left her a long , rambling message - - my forte - - about the fact that my mom and I had been emailing re : communication about the baby , and that my mom hinted ( but did not give specifics ) that MIL might be upset or concerned about something , too . And that if that was the case I would love to talk about it , and I hope that we hadn 't inadvertently hurt any feelings , that we 'd been very busy lately getting ready for the baby and hadn 't seen much of anyone . And so that 's that . We are out of town tomorrow and Sunday , and my MIL is going to be in Florida from Monday through Saturday . The ball is in her court ; if she chooses not to respond , that 's her decision . Things are not well here at Casa MC & D . Actually , that is an exaggeration . Most things are fine . But a series of various events has made it clear that both my mother - in - law and my mother are upset , or at the very least miffed , at me ( and maybe D ) on subjects related to the bambina . And that makes me upset . . . and pissed . The anger comes because my MIL , sturdy Yankee that she is , does not speak about what she wants or doesn 't want . She expresses great satisfaction with everything you tell her , agrees wholeheartedly , and then sulks . And then says everything is fine . And then sulks some more . It drives me up the freakin ' wall . My own mother , meanwhile , sends emails like this one : We have to talk . After reading [ MIL 's ] e - mail I realize I need to talk to you about us too . I 'll explain it all when we talk . Maybe Saturday sometime you and I could talk ? No , you 're going out of town . We 'll catch up with each other and I 'll catch you up on stuff . Perhaps this doesn 't seem all that infuriating to you , but it drives me nuts . If there is something wrong , why can 't we talk about it today ? And if we can 't talk about it today , why can 't you wait to tell me that you 're upset until the time at which we can talk ? I feel instantly as though I am 10 years old and in trouble , but that I don 't know why and will have to wait until next week to find out . So far , with only conjecture about what is going on in both our mothers ' heads - - at least some of it is probably related to baby shower planning , as well as either our insistence on having things how we want them ( the horror ! ) or our failure to request advice and / or assistance from our families on baby stuff , or all of the above - - D and I have somehow avoided a giant argument . There was a tense conversation when he got home from work , but we managed to get through it ok . We went for a walk down to the beach , where we ran into my sister and her husband . Managed not to gripe to them too much , and some of the anger dissipated . In its place , I just feel exhaustion - - physical , mental , emotionalposted by mc at 6 : 52 PM Some wonderful news in the blogosphere the last few days : Kate , the Taxman and Miss M welcomed their new little boy on Friday after what sounds like one heck of a labor . Carter , Evelin and Celeste introduced the mighty Quinn to the world on Saturday - - she 's a cutie ! ! And , in my own circle of friends locally , wonderful friends and neighbors B & K , along with big sister E , said hello to little brother L on the 8th . ( Best story from the delivery : When E , who just turned two , was brought to see her mom and baby brother shortly after L was born , a nurse warned her that mommy would be tired " because she just pushed the baby out of her tummy . " " No , she didn 't , " said feisty little E . " She pushed him out of her BAGINA . " ) Warm , warm welcomes to all the little ones , and congrats to the happy families . Wander over to their sites and say hi if you get a chance . . . Boy , the Internets are quiet today , huh ? I guess all y ' all are celebrating Passover and the approach of Easter and stuff , but me ? I 'm just sitting here working . Well , procrastinating , to be precise . Working on two assignments at once , which is fine , but the problem is that the entire rest of the world seems to be taking the day off , and thus I have not received one return phone call . Meanwhile , I am such a lapsed Catholic that not only am I not observing Good Friday ( or its preceding or succeeding holy days ) , but I will be having meat ( fabulous bacon , to be precise ) for lunch . Gates of hell , here I come . In the meantime , I am trying to write one story without having interviewed anyone . The editor with whom I work suggested this approach - - drafting the piece first , then filling in the quotes later - - and I 'm finding it very difficult so far . I 'm so mired in my own process , which involves having all the info first , then writing the story . Sure , I can stick an occasional " TK " ( shorthand for " to come " ) in my copy , but to write the whole story with TKs ? That is tough . But it 's a good exercise , and so I shall return to it . Either that or continue dispiritedly blogsurfing whilst awaiting my 1 : 45 lunch date with a pal . Wow , two deep thoughts posts in a row - - I think that 's some sort of blogging record for me . But now back to the subject at hand : freaking out about the bambina . We toured our first daycare this morning . It came highly recommended by some friends whose two - year - old goes there . Of course , there is a year - long waiting list , in part because they only have four spots for infants . Even though we don 't need childcare for the bambina until December or January , since D will be taking 12 weeks of ( paid ! ) leave after I go back to work , a year won 't work for us . But we 're on the waiting list anyway . It was such a bizarre experience to wander through this place , talking to the Excessively ! Chirpy ! And ! Excited ! young woman , and ponder the thought that she might one day be taking care of our child . Especially since I had to go online this morning to find out what the hell you 're supposed to ask on a daycare tour . In that regard , this place seems great - - the answers were all good ones , the staff seemed low - key and competent , and the place has achieved a voluntary accreditation that not only shows that they care about quality but that would also mean doubling the child care tax credit we 'd receive . What 's more , there was quite a bit of diversity among the kids , which is something we 'd very much like the bambina to be exposed to . Cons : The facility itself isn 't great ; although it seems to be perfectly safe , it 's in an old building that 's just the tiniest bit grim . And then there is the location . It 's in Portland , about 15 minutes from our house and 15 minutes from D 's work . Getting there before and after work means dealing with some of the city 's most congested roads - - traffic that 's nothing by NJ / NY standards , but that when you 're used to Maine driving would become a little irritating on a daily basis . And then there 's the waiting list . We 've got two more places on the preliminary list of daycares to check out . One is closer to the house - - and between here and D 's work - - but it 's large , unaccredited and part of a regional chainposted by mc at 7 : 47 PM I think I 'm having a bit of an identity crisis these days . My job , as many of you know , used to be my life , in good ways and bad . It was challenging , it felt significant ( most days , anyway ) and being the boss was pretty fulfilling . Besides all that , every so often , a publication would appear that I felt almost entirely responsible for . But the job got more stressful , the rewards less rewarding , and so I pondered finding a new position . My chiropractor told me I wasn 't getting pregnant because I didn 't have room in my life for a baby . I was pissed off at her remark , but I also knew that she had a pretty good point ( about my life ; I 'm not so sure about the biology ) . And so last fall I made my mind up to quit my job and freelance full - time . I started talking with editors about how much work they could send my way . A few weeks after starting this process , we found out that I was pregnant . And a few weeks after that , one of the editors started talking with me about a staff position ; I ended up being able to set up a part - time schedule in which I work three days a week , two of them from home . For many , many reasons , taking this position seemed like the right thing to do . It would provide a stable source of income - - something that seemed a bit more important with the bambina on the way - - as well as alleviating some of the loneliness of the freelance life . What 's more , I 'd always wanted to work for this publication , and I looked forward to both the change in focus and the decrease in responsibility . The reality has been somewhat different . The new job simply is not as challenging as my previous job . . . in fact , it comes nowhere close . My co - workers , while very nice , very smart people , are not very outgoing ; since I only see them in person once a week , the onus is on me to make the effort to be social when I 'm in the office , and to maintain contact via email and phone calls when I 'm working at home . And while I thought I would relish the opportunity to write about different topics , the reality is that I 'm a little bored . Theposted by mc at 8 : 23 AM Saturday afternoon , we sat in the firehouse in the town in which I graduated from high school and applauded as the VFW ( aka Veterans of Foreign Wars ) handed out their annual awards . As I mentioned the other day , we were there because my grandfather was named citizen of the year . The VFW officials - - including the emcee , a gruff and off - color guy with a paunch and a twinkle in his eye - - seemed surprised that we ( my sister and brother - in - law , D and I ) thought it was worth driving 800 miles round - trip for their little awards ceremony . After all , it was an unfussy affair . There were about 40 people in attendance , all of whom were associated either with the VFW or with one of the award winners ( other awards were given out to the fireman , EMT and teacher of the year , as well as to the high school kids who 'd won the annual essay contest about democracy ) . Ours was by far the largest party - - there were 10 of us squeezed at one round banquet table , including my parents , my aunt and uncle and my grandparents . Lunch was your typical Jersey Shore buffet : sausage and peppers , chicken marsala , penne vodka , salad and some really great Italian bread . ( No rubber chicken in these parts , although dessert was grocery - store chocolate cake and Dunkin Donuts coffee . ) The whole event only took about 90 minutes , and my grandfather 's portion was brief : He was recognized for his unfailing attendance at city council and board of education meetings , where he keeps an eagle eye on financial issues in particular . Several months ago , the local weekly paper , the one in which our college graduation and wedding pictures were printed , ran a full - page profile of my grandfather for this very reason ; I suspect that story is what gave the VFW the idea to name him citizen of the year . So far , I 'm sure , all of this sounds pretty mundane . Every community has people like my grandfather , people , often retired , who are active in the civic life and who take seriously their duties in a democracy . But there is some extra meaning here that prompted us to make thisposted by mc at 10 : 56 AM Gah , the insomnia . It seems like a cruel trick to play on a woman who will learn to deal with sleep deprivation soon enough . This is the third night - - or , rather , very early morning - - I 've dealt with it this week . And the culprit is always the 4 or 5 am bathroom trip , when I wake up just a bit too much . Monday night I finally gave up at about 4 : 45 , came downstairs with my glasses and pillow , had a bowl of cereal and read Sense & Sensibility until I fell asleep on the couch with Jelly snoring next to me . Two nights ago , I managed to use my yoga breathing and relaxation practice to calmly get myself back to sleep in my own bed at about 5 am . Last night - - this morning - - I just gave up . Went to the bathroom at 5 : 15 , ended up back in bed with heart and mind racing . Tried the yoga breathing , tried recounting the plot of last night 's episdoe of The OC , tried counting backwards from 100 by threes . And then , at 5 : 45 , I got up , put the dog out , had some cereal and sat down at the computer . The stupid thing is that we are driving to New Jersey with my sister and brother - in - law late this afternoon . Typically on these trips , D takes the first half - - which tonight will end at Rein 's Deli , a fantastic spot just off I - 84 outside Hartford , where you get a dish of half - sour pickles when you sit down , as well as very fast service - - and I take the second half , which involves all the driving around New York as well as the Garden State Parkway . Usually I don 't mind it at all ; masochistically , I actually enjoy driving on the parkway . But not at the end of a long day in which I 've gotten only six hours of sleep . Perhaps I can nap while D drives - - my day is too busy to squeeze a nap in before that - - or maybe I can get someone else to drive that leg . Either way , it 's not going to be fun , especially since we won 't get to my parents ' house until 11 or 12 . Which brings up a somewhat related point : Would any of you object if we just got rid of Connecticut ? We could keep the UConn basketball teams , and Rein 's , and maybe one or two other plposted by mc at 6 : 33 AM How old do you have to be before news that friends are getting divorced stops being shocking ? I feel a bit like a bad Carrie Bradshaw knockoff as I type that sentence - - can 't you just see the Sex and the City episode it would spawn ? - - but it 's something I 've been pondering for the last 24 hours . We got an email yesterday from some friends who are getting divorced . I won 't go into the details , because they 're none of the Internet 's business and I don 't know much anyway , but the email was very classy , informing us that they 'd decided to go their separate ways but plan to remain good friends . The news was not entirely surprising , but I still felt this odd shock that I am old enough to have friends who are getting divorced . I know this is totally ridiculous , that there 's no minimum age for divorce , but it seems like such a grownup thing . . . something people of our parents ' generation do . Another friend got divorced last year , which was also shocking , especially since we 'd been at his wedding in 2001 . In both cases , the decision seems like the right one , though it 's still sad . ( Neither couple had kids , though there are animal custody issues that had to be resolved in both cases . ) I guess all of this goes back to my perpetual feeling that we are - - that I am - - just playing at this grownup thing , that the house and the mortgage ( and the second mortgage ) and the job and even the baby are all trappings of this role I 'm playing of a responsible , mature adult . Saying it that way sounds like I 'm resentful of it all , which I 'm not ( though I have to admit to laying awake for a while last night , pondering the cost of daycare and its impact on our already meager finances ) . Sometimes it just doesn 't feel real , that 's all . Ok , clearly I am wordy and disorganized today . This despite the fact that I actually had a couple hours of very productive work this morning , followed by visits to the chiropractor and the eye doctor , two women of whom I 'm very fond . And it 's a good thing , because they both added items to my to - do list . Specifically , I need to find : a doula . A pediatrician . And a day care center . Luckily , I made some headway on the doula front today , which makes sense since that 's the most immediate need anyway . I exchanged messages with a woman who organizes monthly doula teas at the crunchy birthing center ( where we are not delivering ) ; I 've got to call her back this evening to get a list of recommendations from her since we 're going to miss this month 's tea . And I spoke to a midwife at a local midwifery school , whose students offer free doula services as part of their training . She 's going to pass my name on to the students on Wednesday and someone will call me . A friend went that route and raved about it , so I 'm hopeful it will work out . Pediatricians and daycare are a bit more daunting . My friend is somewhat happy with her ped , but thinking about switching . My own primary care doctor offers pediatric care , but I don 't love her - - she 's turned into more of a pill - pusher than I 'm comfortable with in recent years - - so that 's not the way to go . Ultimately , I want someone who 's expert in western medicine while also being very open to holistic stuff when appropriate . And I 'd love it if the doc were nearby - - in my city or the part of Portland closest to me . ( So , local readers , if you know of anyone great , I 'd love to hear about her / him . ) But figuring out how to find that person is overwhelming . And it 's much the same with daycare . I think I 'd be most comfortable with the bambina in a home - based daycare very near our house , but those places can be tough to find . I got a list from a local referral center , and am asking around for recommendations . But most of our friends with kids live just far enough away that their daycare isn 't feasposted by mc at 5 : 18 PM Like the rest of the blogosphere , I am having a little trouble adjusting to Daylight Savings Time . I very nearly went straight back to sleep after my alarm went off this morning , which wouldn 't have been the end of the world - - it 's a freelancing day , so I 'm my own boss - - except that it would have made getting up on time tomorrow , when I have to work for someone else , that much harder . But luckily for me there was a dog altercation just a few minutes after I dozed off again , so waking was assured . I 'm now officially in the third trimester - - 28 1 / 2 weeks , to be exact - - and feeling a few more pregnancy joys kicking in . I 'm on a three - times - a - night bathroom schedule , which would be a lot more bearable if we had a bathroom on the second floor . It 's not exactly safe to traipse downstairs and then back up again with half - closed eyes , so I end up spending a lot of time talking myself back to sleep after waking up a bit too much . My belly has popped out noticeably in the last week or so ; in fact , while we were in Puerto Rico we hit a new milestone : A stranger felt confident enough to remark on my pregnancy . Granted , I was wearing a somewhat clingy summer dress that will not make its appearance in Maine for another month or two , but , still , it was a milestone . ( And one that required the acquisition of some new pants , which I was lucky enough to find on Freecycle . ) And then there is the return of the exhaustion . I was tired all last week , and attributed it to the return from PR and immediate immersion in work . But then it continued over the weekend , despite eight or nine hours of sleep each night and a nice nap Saturday afternoon . So yesterday I didn 't fight it when I got sleepy right after lunch . I slept for about 45 minutes , got up , read some more of the Sunday Times , then took another nap , this one for an hour . And when I woke up , I felt awake for the first time all day , which tells me that I really did need the sleep . And now I 'm back where I started , tired on a Monday morning . Other updates from the weekend : After a lposted by mc at 8 : 59 AM Sorry for the lag between the last post and this one - - returning home on Tuesday night and then diving into work again made this week go awfully quickly . As I write this , I 'm uploading more photos to Flickr , so I 'm hopeful you can see them there . As for the rest of the vacation report , there 's really not all that much to say , because we did so very little . We arrived Thursday night , parked the car in the lot and literally never even walked by it again until Tuesday morning when we left . ( Kate , this means we never did get to the dry forest . We thought about it , but never left he beach . ) So what did we do ? Much as I reported earlier , we read , swam , sunned , kayaked ( only a little ) and relaxed . We played a few rousing hands of gin rummy . And we ate ( though the food , I have to report , was not all that good . The produce especially was disappointing - - mealy tomatoes that were just as bad as anything you 'd buy in the grocery store here this time of year ) . We didn 't even talk much to other guests , though I did manage to chat with the two other pregnant women I saw , both of whom happened to be from the Boston area . Really , we just kept to ourselves and enjoyed it . I am missing the feeling of the sun on my body . . . the body that is growing bigger seemingly by the second . And I am missing the complete lack of tension I felt in my shoulders and neck . But I 'm off to my yoga class in a little bit , so that should help . And here 's a little reminder of what so wonderful about it : Name : mc Thirtysomething . Writer and editor . Resident of southern Maine . Married to D , mothering Baby Ess . Enslaved by two small dogs , and craving sleep .
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Maggie darted about like a blac - stockinged bird . . . . Wende Devlin The old year was amazing , can 't wait to see what the New Year will bring . 2010 , I can scarcely believe I will soon be writing that date . But , firstly I must discuss Christmas . My Christmas was amazing . My Dad was able to make it through the rain storm to be with Janet , Regena and I for Christmas Eve . We had a white Christmas after all , which meant that we got to visit with Dad for a few extra days ! He actually couldn 't get out due to weather until Dec . 27 . We surely enjoyed having him around . We went to the movie theater on Christmas day to see Sherlock Holmes . I haven 't had the chance to go to the movies with my Dad for a long time . Presents ! There were lots opened and enjoyed . Let me just say I have delightful , wonderful , caring , giving daughters . From Regena : DVDS El Dorado ( I love John Wayne ) Gidget ( Sandra Dee ) Elvis compilation tape with 4 movies ! Do Not Disturb ( Doris Day and Rod Taylor ) The Glass Bottom Boat ( Doris Day and Rod Taylor ) Benny and Joon A book on whales , some sake , and a delightful aromatherapy body cream ( I will be having time to relax and enjoy that very soon ! ) Also , she got me soft socks and filled my stocking with goodies ( including Jack Daniels Coffee and chocolate and peppermint and homemade soap ) From Janet : DVDS Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer Tammy ( one with Debbie Reynolds and two Sandra Dee ) Soft brown reindeer socks A lovely scarf A metal spatula ( one that Uma will not be able to eat ! ) Lotion and bath gel in my stocking I certainly won 't be bored when they both go off to grad school next year . I received a bottle of Baileys from my Dad . Which I have sampled already ! Steve . One reason my 2009 was so awesome . Not only did he make my dream of Cape Cod come true , he is making all my dreams come true . Maybe some of my loyal readers ( both of you ) remember that I blogged about the marvelous book Cranberry Thanksgiving . Well , I now own my very own copy ! Steve bought it for me for Christmas . He also gave me a bottle ofA New Me You 'd better not pout , you 'd better no cry Santa Claus is coming to town ! Here they are as promised , the reindeer and Santa made by J in 1995 ! These are some of my very favorite Christmas decorations . I love to look at all the designer stuff , but when you come to my place you get homemade decorations . We not only have the beloved reindeer and Santa ( so are Dasher and Dancer in the front leading the sleigh or are they closest to Santa ? ) we have three versions of handprint wreaths , Santa Claus in various forms from years in Oklahoma , three very special angels that sing in our Angel Choir that sits on the coffee table and a very special angel in a gingham dress that sits atop our Christmas tree . She will be there every year , or until she falls apart , even when her creator can 't make it home for Christmas ( missing my boy this year ) . Our tree is full of handmade photo ornaments of the kids through the years . It warms my heart to look at them all , and remember . So Merry Christmas to all and a very Happy New Year . When the air is filled with twinkling bells And the trees are white with crusty shells When the frost is on the windowpane It 's December time again When the snowflakes cover up the sky And little faces breathe a happy sigh Old man winter 's here to entertain It 's December time again The mistletoe that 's growing Will soon be picked for showing That lovers like this season of the year Those sleigh rides so exciting The fancy colored lighting Are certain signs the yule tide 's growing near When the woodman fells the evergreen And little carollers appear upon the scene And the heaven 's echo their refrain It 's December time again ( song lyrics Walter Grieve ) I am so ready for December time . The forecast for today is possible flurries . The air this morning has the crispness of December . Bell ringers have begun their vigil of standing in the coldto raise a few dollars for the needy at this time of the year . On Sunday , we make the long trip ( across town ) to choose a Christmas tree . Then the awesome task of decorating . Shopping has begun , and in fact is almost done . I have a couple of traditional shopping trips plannedwith friends . My family is coming on Dec 12to celebrate the holidays together at my home . Then the long wait until Christmas Eve . Yes it is December time again . I am certainly feeling the spirit of the season . For each new morning with its light , For rest and shelter of the night , For health and food , for love and friends , For everything Thy goodness sends . Ralph Waldo EmersonOne more day of work and then rest . Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays . I will be pulling our collection of Thanksgiving stories off the book case tonight . We have quite a few books , a few of our favorites are A Turkey for Thanksgiving by Eve Bunting , The Thanksgiving Story by Alice Dalgliesh , Twas the Night before Thanksgiving by Dave Pilkey and one of our favorites , which we don 't have a copy of is Cranberry Thanksgiving by Wende and Harry Devlin . This is a marvelous family story , with a bit of mystery . At the end of the book you will find the recipe for Grandmother 's Famous Cranberry Bread . Now I always make this delicious bread on Thanksgiving Day . I would love to have a copy of the book , but it is difficult to find and quite expensive when one is found . Tomorrow we give thanks for what we have , as the Pilgrims did so long ago . Which brings me to the real point of this story , decorations ! My favorite thanksgiving decorations are the pilgrims that J made some years ago . Her creative use of toilet paper rolls and felt are shown in the photo above . They are treasures . Next week I will be bringing out Dasher Dancer Prancer Vixen Comet Cupid Donder and Blitzen , with Santa in his sleigh ( all made with the same technique as the pilgrims ) . Happy Thanksgiving and safe journey for all travelers on this holdiay weekend . Posted by We gather together to ask the Lord 's blessing ; He chastens and hastens His will to make known ; The wicked oppressing now cease from distressing , Sing praises to His name : He forgets not his own . Over the River andThrough the Woods Over the river and thru the wood , To grandfather 's house we go ; The horse knows the wayTo carry the sleigh , Thru the white and drifted snow , oh ! Over the river and thru the wood , Oh , how the wind does blow ! It stings the toes , And bites the nose , As over the ground we go . Over the river and thru the wood , To have a first - rate play ; Oh , hear the bell ring , " Ting - a - ling - ling ! " Hurrah for Thanksgiving Day - ay ! Over the river and thru the wood , Trot fast my dapple gray ! Spring over the ground , Like a hunting hound ! For this is Thanksgiving Day . Thinking a lot about music for Thanksgiving . I have already hit the playlist for The Night Heron Consort A Celtic Celebbration ( Christmas Favorites ) Vol . 2 , while I work on databases at work , and jumped into the season with both feet . I have numerous playlists for Christmas , but I only have one playlist for Thanksgiving . Which includes the song We Gather Together , but sadly not Over the River and Through the Woods . I love Thanksgiving . I really love the day . I love waking up with the anticipation of the smell of Turkey roasting in the oven . I love the smell of home made bread as it bakes . I love the smell of cinnamon and cloves in the pumpkin pie . Now I am not traveling over the river and through the woods , while I will miss all my family , I love being at home , with my girls , cooking and watching the Macy 's Thanksgiving Day Parade . Now the parade has changed somewhat since I was a little girl , but I still love it . I love handing over the loaves of stale bread to the girls and having them begin the process of fixing my mom 's famous dressing , by pinching the bread as they watch the parade . We are having a guest from across the Atlantic , a friend of Janet 's from England . We plan on giving her a taste of a traditional American Thankksgiving Day . The best thing about Thanksgiving Posted by . . . these are the times of dreamy quietude , when beholding the tranquil beauty and brilliancy of the ocean 's skin , one forgets the tiger heart that pants beneath it ; and would not willingly remember , that this velvet paw but conceals a remorseless fang . " There she blows ! - - there she blows ! A hump like a snow - hill ! It is Moby Dick ! " from Moby Dick by Herman Mellville The Atlantic Ocean is truly magnificent . I spent some time just being with the ocean on my visit to Cape Cod . It is no secret to those who know me well , my love of whales . I finally got to board a sea going vessel and head out to Stellwagen National Marine Sanctuary and view these magnificent mammals in the wild . The feel of the wind on may face as we glided through the ocean to our final viewing spot , was exhilarating and awesome ! While I find whaling to be a heinous occupation , and I understand it still happens in certain countries , I am curious and fascinated by the history of the whaling industry . I have never read Moby Dick in its entirety , but I love Mellville and I am adding this title to my ever growing list of books to read . I think I need another trip to Cape Cod to sit on the beach , listen to the sound of the surf , and read . Posted by " It 's my last one , its a jelly " Bob McKenzieI was invited to an awesome Strange Brew party this last Saturday . It was an awesome party . I have never seen the movie , and I have to admit I laughed out loud ! I also ate and ate and ate ! We started with pizza with canadian bacon and a beer . We moved on to a big bag , and I mean big bag of popcorn and beer . Then moved on to jelly donuts and beer . Oh did I say we had a couple of beers ? Now , as my loyal readers , all two of you , know , I have been sticking pretty closely to a healthy eating South Beach plan . Well I indulged this weekend . Not only did I eat a jelly donut , I had two Krispy Kremes on Saturday and one on Sunday morning ! And I didn 't stop there . We were celebrating the birthday of our host , my delightful niece and I had a piece of chocolate cake and a delicious cupcake made by Regena . I don 't feel guilty , but I now need to workout extra hard this week to work off those jellys . Beauty ! " Nothing in the world is permanent , and we 're foolish when we ask anything to last , but surely we 're still more foolish not to take delight in it while we have it If change is of the essence of existence one would have thought it only sensible to make it the premise of our philosophy . " W . Somerset MaughamEmbrace change . Change , the season from summer ( if you could call it that ) to glorious fall . This is one change I love to embrace . Driving to work this morning I was listening to a story on NPR about Elderhostel . They have decided to change the name to Exlporitas . What I found very interesting about this report was the people , " older " so to speak who are appalled by this idea , thinking it will bring in the 20 somethings and they would feel old around them . While I seriously doubt that 20 something will flock to Exploritas , because they have their own networks of international youthhostels to choose from , and I am certain they don 't want to be sharing with the old folks , the interviews with the older females who travel made me stop and think about myself . I just said to Steve the other day , " I don 't do change well " . I mean , I was upset that Victoria 's Secrect put some spandex in their new line of underwear ! After wearing the first new pair , I was totally thrilled with the change . After hearing the interviews this morning , I have decided that I will from here on out embrace change ! I will learn to love it and quit moaning and groaning about why things have to change . So if you hear me complaining because some change has occurred , you have my permission to slap me back to reality and tell me to embrace the change . I don 't want to be one of those old woman who complain about EVERYTHING because they are afraid of change ! Yes September , the beginning of the ice hockey season ! It is time to rumble . I am looking forward to seeing how the team looks this year . The Illini are ranked No . 2 in the ACHA this year . Let the fun begin ! " Take rest : ; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop . " OvidFinally , after a long time waiting , I have visited Cape Cod . Steve , being the wonderful person he is took me on the most relaxing enjoyable vacation to the Cape . I have seen whales in the wild . It was so thrilling . There is nothing like the Atlantic Ocean and being on a boat with the wind and the motion of the waves was both relaxing and thrilling . Days of picnics on the beach , walking hand in hand with the surf coming in at our feet , picking up rocks , lots and lots of waterworn pebbles that glisten in the sunling , igneous and metamorphic rock just waiting for me ! Lots of exercise to be had also , climbing 25 stories up the Pilgrim Monument to gaze at the panoramic view of Provincetown , not to mention walking barefoot in sand . I got to eat simply scrumpous seafood , had my first whole lobster at the Lobster Pot . I devoured scallops and lobster and shrimp and mussels and oysters and fish ! Speaking of fish , stopped in at Capt . Kidd 's in Woodshole , for lunch and had Bell Haven Ale from Scotland on tap with my fish and chips . Enjoyed a lively time at Liam Maguire 's Irish Pub in Falmouth . First night I had Sheperds Pie and the second visit to Liam 's I had fish and chips . I can now say that I have been on Martha 's Vineyard . That was a fun trip over on the ferry then a day of walking . I have to tell you that we lunched at an Irish Pub , Danny Quinn 's on the Vinveyard and I consumed a bowl of Guinness Stew with my Smithwicks ! Spending 9 whole days with Steve , just enjoying life , made me the happiest woman . It was terribly difficult to rejoin the working world , but alas it had to be done . One need not be a chamber to be haunted ; One need not to be a house ; The brain has corridors surpassing Material place . Emily DickinsonOf late my dreams have been quite frightening . A little history ; when I was about 16 I began to have nightmares . Nightmares so real that I would wake up screaming . My poor mother would jump out of bed , knocking her shins against the bed frame or the dresser , in an attempt to get to me , to see if i was being murdered in my bed ! A particular memory was a time that she came in my room and I was crouched by the bed , I told her " Get down they will get you " . She was always so reassuring , she would wake me up and tell me everything was okay . My mom 's name was Regena . Fast forward to modern day , another Regena , my darling daughter , has taken up the task of reassuring me that everything is okay . Yes indeed , all these years later , I am still waking up screaming bloody murder ! Regena thinks I need to see a sleep therapist . Perhaps she is correct , but I am not sure they could do anything for me . The last two weeks I have had a screamer , about 10 of the 14 days ! Do I remember the dream , not usually , but I know it always involve my making the wrong decision . Fear of the unknown , that nagging thing that you have to get around . I think my dreams are tied to fear of the unknown . Or it could be fear of making decisions , whether they be financial or decisions about what to do with my life , or fear of things that are to come . Now I have to have a needle aspiration of a cyst in my left breast . I have never had anything like this done ever , so I am a little nervous about . There is a slight fear that it will turn out not to be a cyst , but the doctor assured me he believes it is a cyst . So I am NOT going to obsess about the whole thing and just think about my upcoming trip to Cape Cod with Steve . Hey , Regena will get a 10 day break from those screamers ! Posted by " This time , like all times , is a very good one , if we but know what to do with it . " Ralph Waldo EmersonWell I am still here , believe it or not ! I haven 't had a chance to post all summer . You see I think I am having too much fun now . Well also I have been really busy at work . Both girls have been home for the summer and I have been enjoying their presence , but Janet moved into her apartment on Friday , school started today and summer is winding down . Steve and I have been so busy doing fun things and getting some work done in my yard . I need to sit down and write again . I have been sad that my pool closed for good . I haven 't had a chance to swim all summer . I am getting ready for a wonderful 10 day vacation to Cape Cod with Steve . So , I am back . I am happy ( even though the work being done in my building is sending chills down my spine and making my teeth hurt ) . It amazes me and I know the wind will surely one dayblow it all awayIt amazes me and I am so very grateful that you made the world this wayThis is the refrain from one of my favorite John Denver songs . I was lucky enough to see John Denver in concert 3 times , twice in St . Louis , once at the now long gone Ice Arena , where my favorite hockey team , the St . Louis Blues once played and at Kiel Auditorium which now goes by some other stupid corporate name , and once in Oklahoma . All the concerts where absolutey fantastic . He was truly a gifted storyteller and songwriter . He played constantly , never left the stage , when the band went to take a break , he played on , sitting on a stool with his acoustic guitar . Oh to be able to hear him again . When Regena was a little girl , and we were taking driving trips in the car , we always listened to John Denver , he is great for listening to when driving long distances , you can sing along , and that is just what that delightful little girl did . Now Regena sang all the time , and still does , she once asked if we could hear her singing in the backseat , because she was sure that she was blending with John Denver and we couldn 't hear her . She has been a joy in my life that is uncomparable . So here 's to JD , I plan on listening to all his albums today while I work . And here 's to Regena , who brings great joy to my life . " The age of a woman doesn 't mean a thing . The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles . " Ralph Waldo EmersonThis morning I am feeling like the waning gibbous moon , 88 % of full . Okay , so you might wonder what makes an upbeat person like myself feeling less that full ? Well , you see I have finally realized that I cannot continue to just eat anything and everything that I want . I think I am finally feeling like I am in my 50 's ! But , according to Emerson that should not mean a thing . According to him I am like an old fiddle . So I embarked on the South Beach Diet . I am not hungry . I eat plenty . The food is good , but the act of eating has lost its pleasure . Which makes me feel sad . I have started a challenge with a co - worker to get this extra weight off . It is exciting . It is possible that I am just tired today because of the stormy weather . A good workout this afternoon should pick me right up , and then an evening with my guy will certainly brighten my mood . Hey , I am feeling better already just thinking about it . " How can you come to know yourself ? Never by thinking , always by doing . Try to do your duty , and you 'll know right away what you amount to . " Johann Wolfgang von GoetheSo here I am searching Goethe for some inspiration . I have been alone in the house , with the two dogs ( one of whom has been ill and has been in need of nurturing and nursing ) and the lone cat for a whole week now ! Regena left for Scotland and has been touring with her sister . She leaves such an empty spot when she goes . Regena is so full of life and so much fun to be around that when she is gone for an extended period of time , I really notice her absence . It takes a period of adjustment to be alone again . I have been busy trying to make my flower garden look like the one in the picture above . Right now it looks like a few lone flowers and a lot of dirt , but hopefully it will get there . I have some seeds that are definitely sprouting . The vegetable garden is taking off and I am so happy to see the plants growing . Steve and I went to the movies , I did some grilling and we spent a lovely morning in the park , sharing breakfast with his church friends . So I have not been totally alone , and I am filling in some time at the gym and reading . So , do I know myself ? Well I certainly try to always do my duty , so I can say , yes , I know me fairly well . I know that I don 't like to be alone all the time , I like to be with the people I love . I do like some alone time , I like the way the garden looks , even though it is a lot of work and I love my dogs , even when they are old and need extra care . It is so nice to se Mickey bouncing around again and the ear infections healing . Just as I make the adjustment for being alone , Regena and Janet will be home ! I am looking forward to June 3 . I will arise and go now , and go to Innisfree , And a small cabin build there , of clay and wattles made ; Nine bean rows will I have there , a hive for the honey bee , And live alone in the bee - loud glade . And I shall have some peace there , for peace comes dropping slow , Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings ; There midnight 's all a glimmer , and noon a purple glow , And evening full of the linnet 's wings . I will arise and go now , for always night and day I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore ; While I stand on the roadway , or on the pavements gray , I hear it in the deep heart 's core . - The Lake Isle of Innisfree , by William Butler YeatsOh how I long to visit Ireland . A friend recently asked me if Innisfree was a real place in Ireland . I found this delightful poem and a couple of images . Now I guess I need to watch The Quiet Man , which is on my top 20 list of favorite films . . . . Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks . . . . Oh the call of the ball park ! I have yet to visit the new stadium in St . Louis . I really hope to get to a game this year . Right now my team is at the top of the standings . When I was a young girl I went to Busch stadium with my dad and mom . Baseball was so much fun then . It was a real treat to see Bob Gibson pitch a no hitter . In 1982 when the Cards won the World Series we drank champaign and sang Celebrate ! In 2006 I was in Scotland getting ready to head back to the states , when I turned on the telly to get the news and got to see my team win the world series ! For tonight I will head over and see the U of I baseball team beat Ohio State . It should be a good night to eat hot dogs and cheer on my team . bring May Flowersand my Lily of the Valley plants are up and waiting . The showers are here , can 't wait for the flowers . Today I was feeling like I needed an Irish Blessing . So here is one for you . " May you always have work for your hands to do . May your pockets hold always a coin or two . May the sun shine bright on your windowpane . May the rainbow be certain to follow each rain . May the hand of friend always be near you . And may God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you . " Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work . " Thomas A . Edison Friday my favorite day of the week . The weather is beautiful , but may get a little warmer than I like at this time of the year . I am not complaining however , I am enjoying the sunshine . I have a beautifully tilled very large piece of my backyard just waiting to be planted . Thanks to Steve my garden spot is ready and waiting . Regena planted some seeds in peat pots and has been nurturing them for several weeks now . The peppers are sprouted and hopefully are ready for the outdoors . She planted some watermelon seeds and some herbs also . The watermelon look ready . I gave all the seedlings a little taste of outdoors yesterday . They spent the day in the garage , but I carried them out to the sunshine for a few minutes as I transplanted some Irises and finished putting the rock in my rock garden . The call to grab the trowel was too strong for me yesterday . I have some new rose bushes ready to plant and a couple of very pretty border plants to put in . We have lots of flower seeds to sow in our newly tilled flower garden . We have strawberry plants and onions ; star gazer lilies and peonies ; radish and zucchini seeds , along with green bean and carrot and yellow squash ; three tomato vines are ready and waiting . Hooray for Friday and I am anxious and ready to plant ( I don 't however have a pair of overalls ! , but Steve does and I hope he dons them to help me plant my garden . " I don 't go looking for trouble . Trouble usually finds me . " Harry PotterOnly 86 days until the film Harry Potter and the Half - Blood Prince comes to a theater near me ! I can hardly wait . I am longing for a good film with my favorite Wizard . Since there are no more books to look forward to , the movie just has to do . I think i will revisit the books . I may just read them all again . I am going to watch all the films too . I am thinking full HP immersion ! " Oh how this spring of love resemblethThe uncertain glory of an April Day ! William Shakespeare The Two Gentlemen of Verona Act 1 Scene 3Oh what a glorious morning to be sure . Spring is in the air . Life is good . Driving to work this morning , I realized how light the morning has become . Now I love driving to work in the dark , still , coolness of the morning , but I was struck with the beauty of the day on my drive in this morning . I looked up to see the third quarter moon in the sky , and watched the sun glinting off the stadium as I passed it . There were more cars on the street than usual . I sometimes see one or two when I drive in at 6 : 15am but there were 6 cars this morning . The love quote of the day " Love is the beauty of the soul " seems to just encompass how I feel this morning . The love I feel for my son and daughters , my dad and my brothers and sister and their families and for Steve fills my soul with beauty and joy . I was thrilled and excited to greet the day . On my way to St . Charles this Saturday to share in the love my nephew feels for his fiancee as they unite in holy matrimony . Love and Spring are in the air ! " I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen : not only because I see it , but because by it I see everything else . " C . S . LewisWhen I was a little girl , Easter was a marvelous holiday . I always got a new dress and new shoes and a purse and white gloves and a hat ! I loved dressing up and going to church . Of course , the Easter bunny always made a grand appearance . The eggs we had colored the night before were hidden around the yard . We had a grand time hunting for those eggs . To top it off there was a basket full of goodies , a chocolate bunny , jelly beans and those ever beloved Peeps . Then there was a delicious dinner which included ham . Easter is probably my very favorite of all holidays . Not only do I still love the Easter Bunny , the mass on Holy Thursday , is one of my favorites of the year . Good Friday service is very special and then a glorius mass on Easter Sunday morning , brings with it the sound of trumpets , everyone dressed in their Easter Sunday clothes and a general feeling of well being . This Easter sunday morning , Regena and I will attend mass then the Easter bunny will hide some plastic candy filled eggs ( usually indoors now ) for Regena to gather . Of course a wonderful array of Easter goodies will be found in her Easter Basket . I will be making Ham and au gratin potatoes , green bean casserole , bunny bread , deviled eggs ( of course ) and Chocolate Pie and Lemon Meringue Pie . Steve and his mom will be joining us this year . How special for me to spend Easter with the people I love . Some of my loved ones will be absent , my family are doing their own things , haven 't heard from Ryan yet , but he is probably working and Janet is off in Scotland enjoying Easter with some friends . We miss her but know she is having a fantastic Easter too . ( Don 't worry , I mailed her Easter Basket early . ) Happy Easter ! " Books are the carriers of civilization . Without books , history is silent literature dumb , science crippled , thought and speculation at a standstill . Henry David Thoreau Hooray for Friday ! I am so glad that the weeks end has arrived . It has been a lovely week , I am very happy . I have had a productive week of work , but oh how I am looking forward to Saturday . Sleeping in , then getting up for a trip to the gym , back home for a day of sipping coffee surrounded by my delightful animals , curled up with a good book ! I just want to relax . This Saturday there is nowhere I have to be and nothing I have to get done . Relaxation , here I come ! Let me tell you I have stacks of books to read . I have been choosing a book , from my large stack , to read while I workout on the elliptical jogger , books that I have been putting off , oh they are in my stack , but I haven 't had the desire to pick them up . But , hey when you are stuck on the jogger , what better time to pick up those books . I have finished two from the stack . I got around to reading The Poisonwood Bible , a book I thought I would enjoy , but I didn 't . I was compelled to finish it , just to see where it would take the characters , but I truly didn 't enjoy the book . My next jogger adventure was Katerskill Falls which I did enjoy reading . I am on to a stack of Tony Hillerman mysteries that I picked up from a table of give away books at work . I like fluff and I like classics , I just love to read . I highly recommend it for a day to relax ( oh and for those boring times on the elliptical ! ) So here are a few delightful quotations from some of my favorite authors : " I declare after all there is no enjoyment like reading ! How much sooner one tires of anything than of a book ! When I have a house of my own , I shall be miserable if I have not an excellent library . " Jane Austen from Pride and Prejudice ( one of my favorite authors and favorite books ) " In the highest civilization , the book is still the highest delight . He who has once know its satisfactions is provided with a resource agaiA New Me
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In honor of The 4th of July , this week 's theme for Wordless Wednesday is Red … White … and Blue . For more of Wordless Wednesday , head on over to French Lique , Texas , where Dixie is playing gracious hostess . Posted by Arkansans have always been an enterprising sort , and here 's proof . This photo was taken by my friend Don in a hospital parking lot on a recent trip to Little Rock . Looks like this person is looking for any way possible to beat the recent heat . A few weeks later Don returned to Little Rock on business . Look what he found in the same hospital parking lot . I really think the rest of the country could take a lesson from those clever Arkansans about how to be inventive and creative in hard times . Posted by Brent , Katie , Walker and Lauren headed home to Savannah this morning . The house is certainly quiet , and I 'm at a loss for something to do . I just can 't seem to make myself pick up the blocks and cars … or put away the peanut butter and vanilla wafers … or put the " tupperwares " back in the cabinet . Sigh . The good news is that they will be back in 2 1 / 2 weeks . It 's so nice to have them closer . Posted by While Katie and Baby Lauren took a much needed nap , KBeau got to take Walker to Fantastic Sam 's for his first haircut . It was one of those grandmother experiences that I wouldn 't have wanted to miss . Like all of my boys , Walker has fine blonde hair , so all he needed was a little trim around the ears and at the neck . Memory asked me if I wanted to hold him , but I naively replied , " Let 's try the booster chair . " I should have known better . Here we are in our capes , all ready for a little trim . All was well until Memory brought out the scissors . Get that camera out of my face . All done and time to play in the kitchen . We made it back to the house with a certificate for bravery and a few snips of hair . Katie thought he looked so cute and wondered why she hadn 't gotten it cut sooner . To see more transformations , be sure to visit Susan at Between Naps on the Porch . I 'm sure you 'll see lots of lovely make overs , but it 's a grandmother 's prerogative to assure you that none are as cute as mine . When I returned from a week of helping my son and his family move from Annapolis , Maryland , to Savannah , Georgia , I found my perennial pink verbena in full bloom . I 've had this flower in my garden before , but it 's been a while . When I saw it at Lowe 's this spring with the words " Deer Resistant " stamped on the tag , I was quick to snatch some up . There are so many things that I can 't grow because the deer feed in my yard every night . They eat the day lilies to the ground before they ever produce any blooms . Knock out roses , hydrangeas of all varieties , hostas and azaleas are all favorites of the deer . And the poor pansies get pulled up roots and all just as quickly as they 're planted . A couple of weeks after I planted the verbena I went out one morning to find all of the blossoms snipped off . I was soooooooo disappointed . Now they 're blooming profusely . It will be interesting to see how long the blooms last . Happy Pink Saturday to one and all . Family obligations have prevented me from posting for a while , so it 's nice to be back . Please head over to Beverly 's at How Sweet the Sound to see what else is in the PINK . Posted by It 's Monday and time for Metamorphosis Monday , hosted by Susan at Between Naps on the Porch . Since I spent most of the day last Wednesday playing with my blog settings , I thought I 'd show you what I did and tell you how I did it . I must confess that I was inspired to make these changes when I read THIS POST from Susan . I loved the wider look with the larger type and big pictures . When you 've finished here , be sure to head over to Susan 's place to see what others have transformed . If you 've visited my blog before , you may remember that it used to look like this . When I started playing around with it , I knew that I wanted to keep the same basic look , but I was interested in wider columns , larger pictures and a larger font . I had seen that other bloggers had gone to the minima stretch template to get the wider columns , so I decided to create a test blog to play with that idea . If you are going to try making some changes to your blog , I would definitely create a test blog to try them on ( thank you , Susan ) . I knew from Susan 's experience that I would no longer be able to use my old background . With the minima stretch template , the posting area and the sidebar fill the entire screen , so that lace border just wouldn 't work any more . My first thought was to play around with a new background that contained some of the same elements as the old background . So here 's what I came up with . It was okay , but I still didn 't like it as well as the backgrounds that have a center section for the text and sidebar with a coordinating background and some kind of decorative edge . So my next thought was to go back to the two - column template and see if I couldn 't figure out how to change the column widths . I don 't know much about HTML , but I had no problems playing around with a test blog to see what I could figure out , and what you see now is what I came up with . I did have to create a new background to make a wider center section , but I just started with the old background and made the appropriate changes . If you want to change the width ofPosted by Happy Pink Saturday to everyone . My sister - in - law Susie and her friends Janie Craddock and Zanette Bell made 1 , 000 of these delicious cookies for Susie 's son Wes ' wedding in 2006 . The recipe has now been published in Paula Deen 's Best Desserts special edition . You can read more about it HERE . In the meantime , I 'm off to Annapolis where I will see this little bundle of pinkness for the first time . Lauren was born May 18 . I will be helping her and her family move to Savannah . Perhaps I 'll run into Paula . For more Pink Saturday , be sure to visit Beverly at How Sweet the Sound . As usual there will be lots and lots of participants . Posted by I have been anxiously waiting for this week 's Foodie Friday , hosted by Gollum at Designs by Gollum . My excitement is not because I created or discovered some grand new recipe that I 'm dying to share . Heck , LBeau has been out of town this week , so I 've hardly cooked unless you count stirring up some Kraft Macaroni and Cheese . Even when he 's in town , I all too often get lost on the computer and then have to scramble ( sometimes it 's eggs ) to put something on the table for dinner . Earlier this week I learned that my SIL Susie has been published in Paula Deen 's Best Desserts which recently hit the newsstand . Susie first submitted her recipe for Butter Meltaways with Pink Frosting shortly after her son Wes ' wedding in February of 2006 . Future DIL Kate had thought it would be a neat idea to have Susie , her own mother Sarah , and herself each bake a favorite cookie for the wedding guests to take home as favors . With the help of her friends , Susie made 1 , 000 Butter Meltaways . Kate made chocolate chip cookies , and Sarah 's contribution was gingersnap cookies . Sometime after the wedding Susie learned that the recipe had been published in Paula 's magazine when she got a phone call from Wes . He told her that one of his friends had told him about the recipe being in the magazine , and then he said , " I just want you to know it was my wedding too . " It seems that when Susie submitted the recipe to Paula she said that she had made them for her daughter - in - law 's wedding reception . Well , what could she say to poor Wes except that it 's all about the bride and the dress anyway . The magazine also said that Susie is from Little Rock instead of Conway . Susie says that back in 2006 nobody had ever heard of Conway , and Little Rock is only 30 miles away . Now , of course , Kris Allen and American Idol have put Conway on the map . So now Paula has reprinted the recipe for her Best Desserts special edition . Once again she notes that Susie and her friends made the cookies for her DIL 's wedding reception and once again Susie is " from Little Rock , ArkanPosted by I have been intrigued by some of the blogs that have gone to the wider format with the capability of posting really large pictures . This morning I created a test blog to work with this format in the hopes of using it with Life in the Slow Lane . I want to get everything right - header , background , font size - before switching to the minima stretch format . There were a couple of things that I did not like about the wider format . For one , I don 't like the really wide header with the pictures that don 't fill the border . I know you can delete the border , but I sort of like it and have been working out how to make it smaller . I think I got that right and will be posting instructions at some point . Now I 'm working on the background . If you want to check my progress , here is the LINK to my test blog . Let me know what you think . As a bonus , I 've posted a couple of new pictures of my grandchildren on the test blog . Update I - I have about decided that there are still things I like about the regular format that I don 't want to give up . With the stretch format , for example , it is just about impossible to have a center section with something decorative running along the edges . So I went back to the regular two - column format and adjusted the widths of the columns . I 'm still tweaking . Update II - Well , I 've been at it for much of the day , and what you see now is pretty close to the finished product . I just got through updating Windows Live Writer so that it recognizes my new template . I 'll probably post some of the steps I went through on Show and Tell this Friday . I was going to wait until Metamorphosis Monday , but I will be traveling that day and probably would not be able to link the post . Friday is going to be a busy posting day for me because I have something I just have to share on Foodie Friday . I think that 's about all I can do today . My contacts are about stuck to my eyeballs from staring at the computer screen . Does anyone else have this problem ? Posted by It 's time once again for What 's on Your Wall Wednesday , hosted by Barb at Grits and Glamour . I was so excited when Barb posted a reminder on her blog because I 've needed an inspiration for a new post . I have been so busy lately that I 've neglected my blog . When you 're finished here , be sure to head over to see Barb where she will have links to other participants . This watercolor hangs just above my magnetic memo board that I posted about HERE . A few years ago I rescued it from a drawer at my mother 's house , had it reframed , and hung it in my kitchen . When I painted it back in 1957 , Mother had it framed in a simple black frame , and it hung in her kitchen for years . I think it was banished to the drawer once her grandchildren started giving her their art work . There just wasn 't room for everything . My Aunt Mary , who painted the portrait of me on the pig that I use for my blog header , let me use her set of watercolors when I painted this for the fifth grade art show . These were special watercolors . They didn 't come in a tin box with a fat brush that you couldn 't shape the way you wanted if your life depended on it . These watercolors came in tubes , and you squeezed the paint onto palettes and mixed it with water . Aunt Mary lived next door , so every afternoon after school I would head over to her house , sit at her kitchen table , and work on my masterpiece . I was so proud of it , and I think I even won a blue ribbon . The inspiration for my painting was this tile hot pad that Aunt Mary always kept on the countertop beside her stove . Since she gave it to me a few years ago , I have kept it on the countertop beside my stove . Even though it 's cracked and has been mended , it still comes in handy . Now that I think about it , my barn painting is more than 50 years old . Do y ' all think that makes it ancient art ? Posted by Today we are in Memphis celebrating LBeau 's mother 's 98th birthday . Mema Martha is an amazing woman . A widow for more than half her life , until just a few years ago she lived by herself in Newport , Arkansas . She now lives in Memphis with LBeau 's oldest sister , where she still keeps up with all of the world news and works the daily crossword puzzle religiously . She 's also always up for a challenging game of Scrabble . Born June 7 , 1911 , in Union Church , Mississippi , her family later moved to Lake Village , Arkansas , where her father was a farmer and later the county sheriff . It was there that she met LBeau 's father when he came through town selling farm implements for International Harvester . They eventually settled in Newport when Beau opened an IH dealership . Martha and Beau raised three children . LBeau is the middle child and the only son . She has eight grandchildren and five great grandchildren . Here is a picture of Mema with three of the great grandchildren at last year 's birthday celebration . Since then we have added two more greats to the family . So here 's to Mema Martha . Happy 98th birthday and many more ! ! Posted by A Sunday FavoriteIn honor of Mema Martha 's 98th birthday , today I am reposting something I wrote last fall about the town where she spent most of her adult life . When you 're finished here , you might also want to read THIS POST about Mema Martha . Also , be sure to check out other Sunday Favorites at Happy to Design . I 'll never forget my first trip to Newport , Arkansas . It was the summer of 1970 , and LBeau and I had been dating since March . He was in Newport to play in the Annual Four - Ball Golf Tournament , and I had been in Fayetteville taking exams for my master 's degree . After completing the exams , I drove to Newport . I remember that the trip seemed like it took forever , but when I finally crossed the old Highway 67 bridge over the White River , I knew I had arrived . As I recall , the bridge was painted silver in those days , but some time in the late ' 70 's or early ' 80 's they painted it blue . It became symbolic for our children . They knew we were there and would soon see Mema Martha when we finally saw the " Blue Bridge . " LBeau and I traveled back to Newport on Saturday for his 45th high school reunion . We had not been there since we loaded up furniture from Mema Martha 's house after she sold it and moved to Memphis . Although we didn 't drive out to look at the " Blue Bridge " on this trip , we did see much of the rest of the town . As usual , some things have changed and some things will forever stay the same . We stayed at the Fortune Inn and Suites , formerly the Park Inn , and we found plenty of improvements . Kelly 's Restaurant is gone , but in its place is a modern lobby with HD television , a fancy bar and a breakfast room . On one door was a sign noting that an exercise room is in the works . On Sunday morning , the helpful lady at the front desk gave us a tour of the bar . It 's decorated with memorabilia from musician Sonny Burgess and Baseball Hall of Famer George Kell . The Bar at the Fortune Inn and Suites Later we took a drive around town . Although not in the same building , the Silver Moon Club is still at the same locatiPosted by We got a choice today for Wordless Wednesday , and I chose Water - the Pacific , the Mediterranean , the Gulf and the Atlantic . When you visit Dixie at French Lique , Texas , you 're likely to find that others chose Wind . Whatever the choice , you 're bound to see some beautiful pictures and perhaps some unique interpretations . Be sure to check out what others are showing on this Wordless Wednesday . Posted by On Metamorphosis Monday , most participants like to show how they 've redone a room in their home or refinished a piece of furniture . However , since today is my middle son Brent 's 29th birthday , I thought I 'd give you the story of his life in pictures , from birth to fatherhood and a new job . When you 've finished here , be sure to visit Susan at Between Naps on the Porch for more Met Monday . When Brent decided that it was time for me to go into labor about 10 : 30 p . m . on May 31 , 1980 , LBeau and I were playing Bridge with my mother and daddy . My water broke , contractions started immediately , and LBeau and I headed to the hospital , leaving our oldest son Hunter with his Mema and Papa . It was the weekend , and of course my doctor wasn 't on call . The doctor who was on call , however , was a guy that I had graduated from high school with . But at 12 : 30 a . m . on June 1 , 1980 , Brent wasn 't about to wait around , and it was time to forget modesty . Here he is all dressed up to go home from the hospital and mad about something . Brent always had the straightest , finest and blondest hair of our three boys . For his seventh birthday , it looks like I made his favorite cake , yellow cake with chocolate icing . About the time Brent graduated from Briarwood Christian High School in 1998 , his hair turned curly . The whole family was there for his graduation with honors from the University of Arkansas in 2002 , including Papa , Mema Marion and Mema Martha . Brent met Katie while they were students at Reformed Theological Seminary in Jackson , Mississippi . They were married December 30 , 2005 , on Bainbridge Island , Washington . Brent graduated from RTS in May , 2006 . On May 17 , 2009 , Brent received his Master of Liberal Arts Degree from St . John 's College in Annapolis , Maryland . Here he is with Katie and Walker . Baby Lauren was born the next day . Although Brent didn 't hesitate to interrupt a Bridge game , Lauren was not about to mess up her daddy 's graduation . I will be heading back to Annapolis later this month to help the four of them movePosted by I am the mother of three boys and the grandmother of a grandson and two granddaughters . Throw in a husband , and for the longest time I was outnumbered . However , with two wonderful daughters - in - law and the newest granddaughter , the pink team has finally caught up . I taught school for 15 years , but now I build and remodel houses .
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In honor of The 4th of July , this week 's theme for Wordless Wednesday is Red … White … and Blue . For more of Wordless Wednesday , head on over to French Lique , Texas , where Dixie is playing gracious hostess . Posted by Arkansans have always been an enterprising sort , and here 's proof . This photo was taken by my friend Don in a hospital parking lot on a recent trip to Little Rock . Looks like this person is looking for any way possible to beat the recent heat . A few weeks later Don returned to Little Rock on business . Look what he found in the same hospital parking lot . I really think the rest of the country could take a lesson from those clever Arkansans about how to be inventive and creative in hard times . Posted by Brent , Katie , Walker and Lauren headed home to Savannah this morning . The house is certainly quiet , and I 'm at a loss for something to do . I just can 't seem to make myself pick up the blocks and cars … or put away the peanut butter and vanilla wafers … or put the " tupperwares " back in the cabinet . Sigh . The good news is that they will be back in 2 1 / 2 weeks . It 's so nice to have them closer . Posted by While Katie and Baby Lauren took a much needed nap , KBeau got to take Walker to Fantastic Sam 's for his first haircut . It was one of those grandmother experiences that I wouldn 't have wanted to miss . Like all of my boys , Walker has fine blonde hair , so all he needed was a little trim around the ears and at the neck . Memory asked me if I wanted to hold him , but I naively replied , " Let 's try the booster chair . " I should have known better . Here we are in our capes , all ready for a little trim . All was well until Memory brought out the scissors . Get that camera out of my face . All done and time to play in the kitchen . We made it back to the house with a certificate for bravery and a few snips of hair . Katie thought he looked so cute and wondered why she hadn 't gotten it cut sooner . To see more transformations , be sure to visit Susan at Between Naps on the Porch . I 'm sure you 'll see lots of lovely make overs , but it 's a grandmother 's prerogative to assure you that none are as cute as mine . When I returned from a week of helping my son and his family move from Annapolis , Maryland , to Savannah , Georgia , I found my perennial pink verbena in full bloom . I 've had this flower in my garden before , but it 's been a while . When I saw it at Lowe 's this spring with the words " Deer Resistant " stamped on the tag , I was quick to snatch some up . There are so many things that I can 't grow because the deer feed in my yard every night . They eat the day lilies to the ground before they ever produce any blooms . Knock out roses , hydrangeas of all varieties , hostas and azaleas are all favorites of the deer . And the poor pansies get pulled up roots and all just as quickly as they 're planted . A couple of weeks after I planted the verbena I went out one morning to find all of the blossoms snipped off . I was soooooooo disappointed . Now they 're blooming profusely . It will be interesting to see how long the blooms last . Happy Pink Saturday to one and all . Family obligations have prevented me from posting for a while , so it 's nice to be back . Please head over to Beverly 's at How Sweet the Sound to see what else is in the PINK . Posted by It 's Monday and time for Metamorphosis Monday , hosted by Susan at Between Naps on the Porch . Since I spent most of the day last Wednesday playing with my blog settings , I thought I 'd show you what I did and tell you how I did it . I must confess that I was inspired to make these changes when I read THIS POST from Susan . I loved the wider look with the larger type and big pictures . When you 've finished here , be sure to head over to Susan 's place to see what others have transformed . If you 've visited my blog before , you may remember that it used to look like this . When I started playing around with it , I knew that I wanted to keep the same basic look , but I was interested in wider columns , larger pictures and a larger font . I had seen that other bloggers had gone to the minima stretch template to get the wider columns , so I decided to create a test blog to play with that idea . If you are going to try making some changes to your blog , I would definitely create a test blog to try them on ( thank you , Susan ) . I knew from Susan 's experience that I would no longer be able to use my old background . With the minima stretch template , the posting area and the sidebar fill the entire screen , so that lace border just wouldn 't work any more . My first thought was to play around with a new background that contained some of the same elements as the old background . So here 's what I came up with . It was okay , but I still didn 't like it as well as the backgrounds that have a center section for the text and sidebar with a coordinating background and some kind of decorative edge . So my next thought was to go back to the two - column template and see if I couldn 't figure out how to change the column widths . I don 't know much about HTML , but I had no problems playing around with a test blog to see what I could figure out , and what you see now is what I came up with . I did have to create a new background to make a wider center section , but I just started with the old background and made the appropriate changes . If you want to change the width ofPosted by Happy Pink Saturday to everyone . My sister - in - law Susie and her friends Janie Craddock and Zanette Bell made 1 , 000 of these delicious cookies for Susie 's son Wes ' wedding in 2006 . The recipe has now been published in Paula Deen 's Best Desserts special edition . You can read more about it HERE . In the meantime , I 'm off to Annapolis where I will see this little bundle of pinkness for the first time . Lauren was born May 18 . I will be helping her and her family move to Savannah . Perhaps I 'll run into Paula . For more Pink Saturday , be sure to visit Beverly at How Sweet the Sound . As usual there will be lots and lots of participants . Posted by I have been anxiously waiting for this week 's Foodie Friday , hosted by Gollum at Designs by Gollum . My excitement is not because I created or discovered some grand new recipe that I 'm dying to share . Heck , LBeau has been out of town this week , so I 've hardly cooked unless you count stirring up some Kraft Macaroni and Cheese . Even when he 's in town , I all too often get lost on the computer and then have to scramble ( sometimes it 's eggs ) to put something on the table for dinner . Earlier this week I learned that my SIL Susie has been published in Paula Deen 's Best Desserts which recently hit the newsstand . Susie first submitted her recipe for Butter Meltaways with Pink Frosting shortly after her son Wes ' wedding in February of 2006 . Future DIL Kate had thought it would be a neat idea to have Susie , her own mother Sarah , and herself each bake a favorite cookie for the wedding guests to take home as favors . With the help of her friends , Susie made 1 , 000 Butter Meltaways . Kate made chocolate chip cookies , and Sarah 's contribution was gingersnap cookies . Sometime after the wedding Susie learned that the recipe had been published in Paula 's magazine when she got a phone call from Wes . He told her that one of his friends had told him about the recipe being in the magazine , and then he said , " I just want you to know it was my wedding too . " It seems that when Susie submitted the recipe to Paula she said that she had made them for her daughter - in - law 's wedding reception . Well , what could she say to poor Wes except that it 's all about the bride and the dress anyway . The magazine also said that Susie is from Little Rock instead of Conway . Susie says that back in 2006 nobody had ever heard of Conway , and Little Rock is only 30 miles away . Now , of course , Kris Allen and American Idol have put Conway on the map . So now Paula has reprinted the recipe for her Best Desserts special edition . Once again she notes that Susie and her friends made the cookies for her DIL 's wedding reception and once again Susie is " from Little Rock , ArkanPosted by I have been intrigued by some of the blogs that have gone to the wider format with the capability of posting really large pictures . This morning I created a test blog to work with this format in the hopes of using it with Life in the Slow Lane . I want to get everything right - header , background , font size - before switching to the minima stretch format . There were a couple of things that I did not like about the wider format . For one , I don 't like the really wide header with the pictures that don 't fill the border . I know you can delete the border , but I sort of like it and have been working out how to make it smaller . I think I got that right and will be posting instructions at some point . Now I 'm working on the background . If you want to check my progress , here is the LINK to my test blog . Let me know what you think . As a bonus , I 've posted a couple of new pictures of my grandchildren on the test blog . Update I - I have about decided that there are still things I like about the regular format that I don 't want to give up . With the stretch format , for example , it is just about impossible to have a center section with something decorative running along the edges . So I went back to the regular two - column format and adjusted the widths of the columns . I 'm still tweaking . Update II - Well , I 've been at it for much of the day , and what you see now is pretty close to the finished product . I just got through updating Windows Live Writer so that it recognizes my new template . I 'll probably post some of the steps I went through on Show and Tell this Friday . I was going to wait until Metamorphosis Monday , but I will be traveling that day and probably would not be able to link the post . Friday is going to be a busy posting day for me because I have something I just have to share on Foodie Friday . I think that 's about all I can do today . My contacts are about stuck to my eyeballs from staring at the computer screen . Does anyone else have this problem ? Posted by It 's time once again for What 's on Your Wall Wednesday , hosted by Barb at Grits and Glamour . I was so excited when Barb posted a reminder on her blog because I 've needed an inspiration for a new post . I have been so busy lately that I 've neglected my blog . When you 're finished here , be sure to head over to see Barb where she will have links to other participants . This watercolor hangs just above my magnetic memo board that I posted about HERE . A few years ago I rescued it from a drawer at my mother 's house , had it reframed , and hung it in my kitchen . When I painted it back in 1957 , Mother had it framed in a simple black frame , and it hung in her kitchen for years . I think it was banished to the drawer once her grandchildren started giving her their art work . There just wasn 't room for everything . My Aunt Mary , who painted the portrait of me on the pig that I use for my blog header , let me use her set of watercolors when I painted this for the fifth grade art show . These were special watercolors . They didn 't come in a tin box with a fat brush that you couldn 't shape the way you wanted if your life depended on it . These watercolors came in tubes , and you squeezed the paint onto palettes and mixed it with water . Aunt Mary lived next door , so every afternoon after school I would head over to her house , sit at her kitchen table , and work on my masterpiece . I was so proud of it , and I think I even won a blue ribbon . The inspiration for my painting was this tile hot pad that Aunt Mary always kept on the countertop beside her stove . Since she gave it to me a few years ago , I have kept it on the countertop beside my stove . Even though it 's cracked and has been mended , it still comes in handy . Now that I think about it , my barn painting is more than 50 years old . Do y ' all think that makes it ancient art ? Posted by Today we are in Memphis celebrating LBeau 's mother 's 98th birthday . Mema Martha is an amazing woman . A widow for more than half her life , until just a few years ago she lived by herself in Newport , Arkansas . She now lives in Memphis with LBeau 's oldest sister , where she still keeps up with all of the world news and works the daily crossword puzzle religiously . She 's also always up for a challenging game of Scrabble . Born June 7 , 1911 , in Union Church , Mississippi , her family later moved to Lake Village , Arkansas , where her father was a farmer and later the county sheriff . It was there that she met LBeau 's father when he came through town selling farm implements for International Harvester . They eventually settled in Newport when Beau opened an IH dealership . Martha and Beau raised three children . LBeau is the middle child and the only son . She has eight grandchildren and five great grandchildren . Here is a picture of Mema with three of the great grandchildren at last year 's birthday celebration . Since then we have added two more greats to the family . So here 's to Mema Martha . Happy 98th birthday and many more ! ! Posted by A Sunday FavoriteIn honor of Mema Martha 's 98th birthday , today I am reposting something I wrote last fall about the town where she spent most of her adult life . When you 're finished here , you might also want to read THIS POST about Mema Martha . Also , be sure to check out other Sunday Favorites at Happy to Design . I 'll never forget my first trip to Newport , Arkansas . It was the summer of 1970 , and LBeau and I had been dating since March . He was in Newport to play in the Annual Four - Ball Golf Tournament , and I had been in Fayetteville taking exams for my master 's degree . After completing the exams , I drove to Newport . I remember that the trip seemed like it took forever , but when I finally crossed the old Highway 67 bridge over the White River , I knew I had arrived . As I recall , the bridge was painted silver in those days , but some time in the late ' 70 's or early ' 80 's they painted it blue . It became symbolic for our children . They knew we were there and would soon see Mema Martha when we finally saw the " Blue Bridge . " LBeau and I traveled back to Newport on Saturday for his 45th high school reunion . We had not been there since we loaded up furniture from Mema Martha 's house after she sold it and moved to Memphis . Although we didn 't drive out to look at the " Blue Bridge " on this trip , we did see much of the rest of the town . As usual , some things have changed and some things will forever stay the same . We stayed at the Fortune Inn and Suites , formerly the Park Inn , and we found plenty of improvements . Kelly 's Restaurant is gone , but in its place is a modern lobby with HD television , a fancy bar and a breakfast room . On one door was a sign noting that an exercise room is in the works . On Sunday morning , the helpful lady at the front desk gave us a tour of the bar . It 's decorated with memorabilia from musician Sonny Burgess and Baseball Hall of Famer George Kell . The Bar at the Fortune Inn and Suites Later we took a drive around town . Although not in the same building , the Silver Moon Club is still at the same locatiPosted by We got a choice today for Wordless Wednesday , and I chose Water - the Pacific , the Mediterranean , the Gulf and the Atlantic . When you visit Dixie at French Lique , Texas , you 're likely to find that others chose Wind . Whatever the choice , you 're bound to see some beautiful pictures and perhaps some unique interpretations . Be sure to check out what others are showing on this Wordless Wednesday . Posted by On Metamorphosis Monday , most participants like to show how they 've redone a room in their home or refinished a piece of furniture . However , since today is my middle son Brent 's 29th birthday , I thought I 'd give you the story of his life in pictures , from birth to fatherhood and a new job . When you 've finished here , be sure to visit Susan at Between Naps on the Porch for more Met Monday . When Brent decided that it was time for me to go into labor about 10 : 30 p . m . on May 31 , 1980 , LBeau and I were playing Bridge with my mother and daddy . My water broke , contractions started immediately , and LBeau and I headed to the hospital , leaving our oldest son Hunter with his Mema and Papa . It was the weekend , and of course my doctor wasn 't on call . The doctor who was on call , however , was a guy that I had graduated from high school with . But at 12 : 30 a . m . on June 1 , 1980 , Brent wasn 't about to wait around , and it was time to forget modesty . Here he is all dressed up to go home from the hospital and mad about something . Brent always had the straightest , finest and blondest hair of our three boys . For his seventh birthday , it looks like I made his favorite cake , yellow cake with chocolate icing . About the time Brent graduated from Briarwood Christian High School in 1998 , his hair turned curly . The whole family was there for his graduation with honors from the University of Arkansas in 2002 , including Papa , Mema Marion and Mema Martha . Brent met Katie while they were students at Reformed Theological Seminary in Jackson , Mississippi . They were married December 30 , 2005 , on Bainbridge Island , Washington . Brent graduated from RTS in May , 2006 . On May 17 , 2009 , Brent received his Master of Liberal Arts Degree from St . John 's College in Annapolis , Maryland . Here he is with Katie and Walker . Baby Lauren was born the next day . Although Brent didn 't hesitate to interrupt a Bridge game , Lauren was not about to mess up her daddy 's graduation . I will be heading back to Annapolis later this month to help the four of them movePosted by I am the mother of three boys and the grandmother of a grandson and two granddaughters . Throw in a husband , and for the longest time I was outnumbered . However , with two wonderful daughters - in - law and the newest granddaughter , the pink team has finally caught up . I taught school for 15 years , but now I build and remodel houses .
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Took the Daytona to work today and as I was loading up my gear I remembered that I needed to replace the fuse that I blew Friday night when I picked up the Dodge . I have a box of different blade fuses I keep in the garage so I just grabbed the box of fuses and threw it in the back of the Daytona thinking that if I got a chance at work I could pop the panel and check / replace the fuse . Later that morning I dropped the fuse panel ( below the steering wheel ) and checked the fuses . Sure enough , one was blown . I replaced it from my spares and had a working radio / CD player and clock again . Total repair time : 5 minutes and most of that was to get the cover off and back on since it is held in place with three spring loaded plastic twist knobs which do NOT like to go back into their slots once you take the plate off . I had to work the ER that night and the Daytona gave me no problems . In fact , it 's running great . I say that sarcastically so that nothing bad will happen . That night at the ER my nurse practitioner stopped me and asked me about my car . " No . Dodge Daytona . It 's the sister car to the Laser . Laser was a Chrysler , they stopped making them in 1986 but Dodge kept making the Daytona until the early ' 90 's . " It 's neat when someone else remembers these cars . . . and remembers them in a pop culture reference . For what it is worth , Hunter 's partner " Dee Dee Mccall " drove a Dodge Daytona Turbo Z in the early years ( red with silver lower body ) and a Shelby Z in the later years ( again , red ) . Here are two pics . I spent a week in Jackson living out of a motel while training in the latest VMWare . I had to take the ' 86 TA since the Daytona was in the shop . I 'd say that VMWare is a pretty steep learning curve , at first , but then it seems to get easier as you go along . A lot of my work hardware is getting virtualized , I 've got a virtual server farm at work with six VMs on it and it 's only going to grow . I spent the week in Jackson using the ' 86 TA to commute back and forth to class and after getting off on Friday I was headed back home when my mechanic called and told me that the Daytona was ready . I told him to leave it outside , locked up , with the keys in the center console . I had a spare set of keys and when I got home after 6pm that night I 'd pick it up . Fast forward to Friday night . I 'm reunited with my family , we go out to get something quick to eat and we stop by the garage on the way to pick up the Daytona . My mechanic has left my keys in the ashtray and I 've left the cigarette lighter plug out . As I get into the Daytona and reach for my spare set of keys , they slide forward , one key dips down into the cigarette lighter well and . . . zap . Saturday morning I get up and . . . after a week of training and driving and . . . crap . . . I just don 't feel like doing anything let alone cleaning and detailing either the road dirty TA or the garage dirty Daytona . Screw it . I take my oldest daughter out to get something to eat , call it brunch , then head to Gamestop where she wants to look for a video game or two . After that , we go to Walmart and I 'm thinking that I need to find that fuse and replace it . Brand new compressor . I 've still got a lot of TLC to do to the engine compartment . 25 years worth of grime , wear and tear . I think come spring I 'm going to go through the cooling system like I did with the TA . I 'll replace all hoses , thermostat and radiator , probably add in a manual electric fan switch and with all of the cooling system removed see how much deeper into the motor I can get ( and how much more stuff I can clean ) . Here 's the new compressor in place . I 'm thinking that this week all I 'm going to do to the Daytona is put gas in her and drive her . We 're supposed to have some bad thunderstorms in the next few days . I 'll wait until the weather moves through before I try to clean her up again . So . . . I get up early , take the wife to breakfast ( the kids are at my parents and us time is rare and far between ) and we take the Daytona . It 's nice weather outside and the T - tops are on so I just roll down the windows and we enjoy some fresh air . About a mile from the house there is a thump from under the hood and then . . . silence . My wife asks me what that was because it sounded like we ran over something but I don 't see anything in the road behind us . My eyes flash to the gauges in the dash . . . no warning lights , all needles are right where they need to be . . . no obvious signs of malfunction and the Daytona is driving fine . I shrug my shoulders and we drive on . I 'm thinking it might have been a stuck vacuum door in the dash finally opening or shutting or something . It kind of sounded like a thump from inside the dash . We have breakfast at Hardees and after sitting and eating and visiting and enjoying each other 's company ( without children present ) we hop in the Daytona and head back home . It has warmed up some so I turn the AC on . . . and I can immediately tell that it is not blowing cold . Again . Part of me says " Wait . It will start to blow cold in a few seconds . " but the other part of me says " No . This isn 't normal . It should be blowing cool air , dense air , different than what it would blow with the fan only . " My wife runs her hand in front of the vents . We had the Daytona out last night , took it to Hattiesburg on a date , ran the AC all the way there and back and it got so cold that we had to turn it down to low just to stay in the Daytona . In fact , my wife knocked the temp up out of the blue to halfway into the red on the way home because the AC was working so well . One of my drive belts has been making a little bit of noise lately . My father heard it when I visited him the other day and he grabbed up his can of " Belt - Eze " and sprayed my belts . Dad doth not like squeaky belts under the hood . . . it doesn 't bother me that much , mine was barely audible with the hood shut and some belt noise is unavoidable . Still . . . what if the belt had been on its last legs and had finally given up the ghost . I remembered that I 'd looked at all of the belts when I bought the Daytona way back in June and I 'd inspected them before taking it on its 700 plus mile journey home . The belts had all looked almost brand new . Thinking that I had a broken AC drive belt to look forward to replacing I took the Daytona home , parked it in the driveway , popped the hood and looked at the AC compressor . The belt was still on the drive pulley . Ok , strange . . . then what was that thump under the hood . That 's when I noticed that the front of the AC compressor where the clutch is looked . . . strange . Different . I reached into my back pocket , pulled out my OT200 flashlight and flicked it on . I could see an exposed thread on the front of the AC compressor and a single washer just stuck on the side of the thread , like it was magnetized . I shined the flashlight down into the motor and . . . WTF is that ! ? ! ? My wife comes out of the bedroom , confused and asks me if I 'm laughing because I fixed the problem or because I found the problem . I tell her what I found and she follows me back out to the garage and I show her . While she 's holding the flashlight trying to figure out how the AC compressor clutch face came off , I go get my magnetic pick - up tool and pull the clutch face out of the guts of the motor . I 'm still laughing and I laugh to keep from crying . Brand new compressor and it 's come apart . Oh , this better be fixed under warranty . . . that compressor can 't be two months old . And . . . here 's the part that just fell off . Yay . I 'm guessing the compressor was made in Mexico or China . Oh , well , back to the shop on Monday . I think this was a record . I think I had the Daytona in my hot little hands and on the road about ten days , maybe , before it had to go back in the shop . It 's been a long week and I worked more than I should have but hey ! I rather be overworked than unemployed and there 's always money at the end so that makes everything better . Here 's the Daytona Shelby shot outside the ER before my 8 hour shift began . I noticed lately that it 's getting darker quicker . A few weeks ago the sun wouldn 't go down until nearly 8pm , now it 's getting dark a little after 7 . It also didn 't help that it was overcast . . . a lot , with heat lightning scattered all around and storm clouds moving through . Friday I took the Daytona to the firing range to qualify with my Gen IV Glock 17 sidearm . I took her down Columbia - Purvis Road , a serpentine twister ( look it up on Google Maps , Columbia MS ) . I had some wind in the sails , call it 65 to 70mph and I wasn 't touching the brakes . Then I came up on a Ford Focus , came up on him pretty quick , got to within two car lengths of him , thought I was going to have to really haul it down when he looks in his rear view mirror and floors it ( as fast as a Ford Focus can be floored ) . I don 't know . . . maybe he thought I was trying to steal his girlfriend ( there was a girl in the passenger seat ) or maybe he thought I was his girlfriend 's ex - boyfriend or who knows but this Ford in front of me shot up to speed and then never let off . I followed him , since he was now moving at the clip that I had been moving at before I had to haul it down to not run over him and we stayed that way for 2 / 3 of the drive . The Daytona Shelby is a really good handling car , once you get used to the weight distribution and the fact that you 're steering AND driving with the same set of wheels ( which like I said in a previous post is a really funny feeling ) . The Ford Focus . . . eh , not so much . I found that if I let him run out about four or five car lengths in front of me I could smile and occasionally chuckle when he would hit a curve beyond his capacity and have to hit the brakes , sometimes hard . He 'd ride the curve , sometimes crossing the center line to straighten the curve so he could make it and then he 'd power out of the curve on the other end , as much as a Ford Focus can power out of a curve . I just kept the Daytona in cruise in 5th gear at 65mph and drove . By the time I got to the same curve that he had just struggled through all I had to do was cut the wheel a little and glide on through the curve , no fuss . I guess this infuriated the Ford driver because he kept looking back to see how the Daytona would handle the curve and when I just hugged the outer line , one gloved hand on the wheel , not breaking a sweat at all it would only make him even more determined to , I don 't know , prove himself to me ? Shortly before Purvis , the two of us came up on a slow moving pickup truck and we had to haul down . Like I said , I don 't know what this guy 's problem was but he kept looking back at me in the rearview mirror and once the woman in the passenger seat turned around and looked at me . I just smiled and kept looking straight ahead . It was obvious that the guy was mad that he had come up on a slower moving vehicle because he kept trying to pass . Now , understand that Columbia - Purvis Road isn 't a good road to try to pass on , either so all this guy could do is slide to the left a little , see a hill or an oncoming bit of traffic and then slow down again as he took second place behind the truck in front of him . He kept looking back in the rearview mirror like he owed me money and all I did was just stare at him and smile . Eventually we came to a Y in the road and he took the left fork and I kept on going straight and that was the last that I saw of him . I didn 't even look at him as he peeled off . It was a strange little road race but at least it kept the long drive from Columbia to Purvis interesting . The ' 89 Dodge Daytona Shelby , the ' 86 Pontiac Firebird Trans Am and ' 04 Honda CBR600RR . That 's 16 cylinders , 21 fuel injectors , 15 speeds , and 499 total horsepower on display , all stock . I 'm not sure how many ' 04 Honda CBR600RR 's were built but as far as the Dodge and the TA go , both are rare . . . very rare . The TA is probably one of 250 made , give or take , with the options it has . . . I doubt there are many left like it , especially in this condition . Dodge produced 4741 Daytona Shelbys in 1989 . Out of those 4741 , only 1953 had the T - top package installed . 1612 were painted Flash Red and only 862 were ordered with CD players . The number of Daytona Shelbys equipped with AC , 5 speed and Cruise Control was also low so I 'm guessing that this Daytona is one of only a few hundred produced with the options it came from the factory with , call it as rare as the TA , give or take which means that I now have two rare high performance ' 80 's sports cars . The Daytona and the TA . I imagine this line - up was seen several times in the late ' 80 's and early ' 90 's on the street at stoplights across the nation . One main difference between the Dodge and the Pontiac is that the Dodge is a front breather and the Pontiac is a bottom breather . In other words , the Dodge receives fresh , cold air through those slots / vents in the nose giving it a direct path to cool the radiator . On the Pontiac , cold air is ducted to the radiator from an air dam mounted below the nose . The air induction for the Pontiac is through a complicated , somewhat restrictive filter box located on the front passenger side , right behind the passenger side headlight and turn signal . On the Dodge , cold air for the engine is drawn in on the driver 's side through an air intake which also contains the engine control computer ( the fresh air keeps the computer cool ) . The engine control computer for the Pontiac is located under the passenger side of the dash on the Pontiac . Putting the engine control computer inside the engine compartment , exposed to heat , cold , humidity , and moisture never made a lot of sense to me but . . . For 1989 the look of the top of the line Shelby Daytona was different than the ' 87 to ' 88 model years . It now seems obvious that Dodge took ( stole ) a page from the 1985 Pontiac Design Book . . . namely putting the biggest aluminum wheels and best performance oriented suspension yet into the series , a redesigned wrap around ground effects with front spoiler mounting integral driving lights , full width rear , smooth , smoked colored taillights , and a big rear wrap around spoiler . The spoiler is one piece on the Pontiac ( called an " Aerowing " ) and three separate pieces on the Dodge ( two side pieces which don 't move and a center piece which raises and lowers with the rear hatch ) . Both cars feature electrically driven hidden headlights . The Pontiac is notorious for eating up the nylon gears in the worm drive ( mine are still stock and work fine but each time they go up or down I know that is one less time that they will do so ) . With the Pontiac 's raked nose it is easy to tell that the headlights are up . Not so with the Daytona . . . when the Daytona 's headlights pop up they level at the front edge of the hood and you catch yourself pulling yourself up in the driver 's seat , often by the steering wheel , to make sure that the headlights did pop up and if they did that both of them made the effort . The Pontiac driving lights come on when you light the parking lights so you can drive around with just the driving lights lit but not the main headlights on or raised . The Dodge 's driving lights only come on when the headlights are activated . I think I found a solution to that problem and it 's a quick / cheap fix . On the Pontiac and the Dodge , if you hit your bright lights the driving lights are deactivated which I thought was a stupid idea . . . if you need more illumination then the last thing you would want to do is cut off half of your lights . There 's a cheap fix for this situation as well that I 'll be implementing soon . The driving light switches are also weirdly placed between the two cars . . . on the Pontiac the driving light switch is a separate switch located right below the main light switch . On the Dodge the driving light switch is located . . . on the passenger side of the center console , down below the CD player and forward of the transmission shifter . . . to the right of the ash tray . Yeah , I can 't figure that one out either because the driving lights for the Dodge are almost on the opposite side of the car from the headlight switch . Speaking of headlight switches . . . the Dodge uses an old style pull out knob while the Pontiac uses a rocker segmented switch that allows you to turn on either the parking lights or parking lights and headlights . Notice the similarities in design ? The fluted rear under spoiler on the Dodge is called a " wake modifier " and it was supposed to smooth the passage of the Daytona through the air while at high speed . Pontiac could have used one of those ( and it might have added to the " tough " looks of the ' 85 to ' 86 TA ) but the TA is still rock solid at triple digits . Performance wise , the TA seems a more capable car . . . it doesn 't wobble and shimmy around as much as the Dodge does under hard acceleration . The TA acts like a muscle car , point it where you want it to go , punch the loud pedal to the floor and amid the screaming of the rear hides and the occasional sideways slide of the rear end you 're off headed towards whatever destination you intended and you 're going to get there really quick without a lot of effort or fuss . Not so with the Daytona . . . With the Daytona you have to work for your performance . If you 're going to go fast in the Daytona then Dodge is going to make you earn every bit of that performance . With 174 turbocharged , intercooled and port fuel injected horsepower on tap you have to realize that there is a delay in ordering that power and actually receiving it so there 's less instant gratification in the Daytona , it 's more like ordering pizza online then waiting on it to be delivered . That delay is called " turbo lag " and it means that even though you drop the long skinny pedal the Daytona is going to take almost four seconds for the turbocharger to spool up to the necessary RPM to start the balls to the wall huffing circus . During this time , the power of the engine builds not in a predictable , almost linear fashion like the TA but more like a balloon payment on a mortgage . . . a little , a little , a little , a whole lot ! Being front wheel drive , the Daytona gets busy all in front of the driver . . . everything . . . engine , transmission , differential , driving wheels . . . all of that is in front of you . Directly in front of you and everything else is behind you . The busy parts get to be a handful and everything else just hangs out on the laundry line to dry . The steering wheel shakes a lot , the car seems to want to slide its rear this way and that but it 's an illusion of the setup , like I said , it 's like being in a Roman chariot in an old movie where the chariot goes out of control with the horses running wild pulling the chariot ( and its driver ) helplessly behind . Taking curves hard in the Daytona also gives you the feeling of being in a chariot , like the power train is going to hang the curve just fine but everything behind the power train ( namely from the inside dash to the rear bumper , including the driver ) is going to sling off and go flying off the curve on a tangent not at all related to the rest of the Daytona . Once you drive the Daytona for a couple of days all of this weirdness melts away into the background and you get used to how the Daytona performs and handles . Then you go ride the Honda for a week or two , or drive the TA for a week or two just to put some miles on the other toys and blow the soot out of them and when you come back to the Daytona everything is weird again and you have to learn everything all over . It 's the price I pay for being eccentric and driving toys that no one else does . As I said , the two cars are vastly different in how they drive and how they feel , especially when you drive them fast or near the edge of their limits . It takes time to reacquaint yourself with each one if you spend long periods of time driving one and then the other , less so with the TA than with the Daytona . It 's almost like being right handed then having to learn how to write with your left hand and , a few days later , having to go back to your right hand . Like I said , driving the TA fast is easy . The WS6 performance option lets the TA hang corners like it was on rails and the big , fat sticky tires hug the road to the point where you 'll be sloshing the liquids in your body long before you straighten a curve . The Daytona is equally adept at hanging curves it just takes more work , a lot more work , to do so because the front end is doing all of the driving and traction and the rear end is basically just being pulled along for the ride . You can 't really apply power to the rear end in a corner in the Daytona like you can in the TA and that means that you 've got to use a different mindset , a completely different mindset , when driving the Daytona hard than you do when you drive the TA hard . The Daytona requires a lot more brains to drive . . . you have to plan your performance , you have to keep the engine high enough in the RPM band that the turbo is there , ready , and doesn 't have to spool back up . If you mess up in the TA you can still recover pretty easy and make a good go of it . If you mess up in the Daytona it 's going to fall flat on its face and you 're going to be looking at the other guy 's ( or girl 's ) taillights with a quickness . Brakes for both cars are effing amazing , nigh on phenomenal and both cars are equipped with power four wheel disc cars with competition intended suspension setups from the factory ( an option on the TA for ' 86 , standard on the Shelby model for ' 89 ) . The Daytona , however , has brakes that are simply beyond compare . The TA 's brakes probably need to be rebuilt . . . they just don 't grab like they used to and it 's not the pads . . . it 's the power assist . You can push down hard on the TA and it just grinds to a halt like it has ABS , no fanfare , no locking the wheels up and sliding across the pavement on friction burning rubber . . . you stomp the TA and it just slows until it stops . The brakes on the Daytona are the most serious and insane brakes I 've ever had on any car and I 've had some serious and insane factory setups ( Z51 , Z07 , WS6 . . . ) . The Daytona brakes are not for the faint of heart . . . I stomped them one day in a panic stop when someone pulled out in front of me and I thought my head was going to leave my shoulders and become a hood ornament . Reverse whiplash is a real possibility with the Daytona Shelby 's brakes and I 'm honestly scared of the Daytona 's brakes on a wet pavement situation . . . they 're that responsive . When it starts to rain I make sure to give myself plenty of room to brake , even more so than usual . Handling for both cars is lightning quick and you can change lanes fast enough to almost bring your last meal back up to visit . The TA 's steering wheel is thick and padded and doesn 't have an air bag . The Daytona 's steering wheel sports a huge rectangular air bag in the middle and far smaller diameter rim around that than the TA . Still , the ' 89 Steering wheel is loads better than the steering wheel that my ' 86 Daytona Turbo Z had . . . that steering wheel had been designed by a sadist or a masochist or both and it punished you when you tried to drive long distances but that 's neither here nor now so . . . Yes , each one of these examples of high tech 1980 's factory performance GT cars has its own strengths and weaknesses . The Daytona feels " weird " after driving the Pontiac but the Daytona sips premium gas like a debutante with a glass of champagne at a coming of age party while the Pontiac guzzles premium like Beowulf guzzles mead in the hall of the Danes . Rowing gears and dancing on pedals in the Daytona is a lot more fun than the " select - o - matic " four speed automatic overdrive of the TA but if you get in heavy traffic the fun of rowing gears starts to wear thin after a while , especially if you 're not getting out of first gear very much . Both cars contain a HUGE amount of glass which makes their air conditioning systems work especially hard on bright sunny hot days . Panels to cover the glass roof panels came with both the TA and the Dodge but have been lost over the decades since these cars were brand new . I had a replacement set of T - top covers for the Pontiac but those were damaged during its long storage several years back , prior to restoration . I recently started a thread on the Turbo Dodge forums and received an answer about what kind of material to make my own , custom , hand - made covers out of and I 'll be trying that soon for both the Pontiac and the Dodge . The AC works a whole lot better when the sun isn 't beating right down on top of you through a glass roof panel . It starts to make you feel like you 're an ant . . . and some fat kid is focusing a big magnifying glass on you . Cargo areas in both cars are similar in layout and design since both are hatchback models . The TA 's rear seats lock but can fold down to allow larger items to be stored in the rear cargo area ( at the expense of carrying rear seat passengers , of course ) . The front Recaro bucket seats in the Pontiac also lock and have to be unlocked with a small thumb switch . The Daytona seats just flip forward and back without any locks . I 'm sure that this is convenient but in spirited driving you can look over and notice that the rear seats have fallen forward and sometimes items from the rear cargo area have spilled forward into the rear seating area ( which is why it is SO important to secure items in the Daytona ) . I 'm guessing that inertia locks of some kind prevent the seats from moving forward during sudden deceleration but I 'm not sure right now . It seems like a poor design to me . The TA 's driver and passenger side seat belts are held against the headrest by a simple plastic loop fastener making reaching for the seatbelt easy . The Dodge 's seatbelts hang loose making for a long reach behind you ( even with the seat cranked all the way back on its track to accommodate my five foot twelve stature ) a real effort to grab the seatbelt and secure it . The bottom of the seatbelt in the Dodge also swivels forward and back , presumably to allow easy access to passengers entering the rear seats . Unfortunately , over the years , the plastic trim on the lower part of the seatbelt has eaten away at the plastic trim on the left side of the driver 's seat , the constant back and forth " sawing " motion has rubbed hard in that place making for an unsightly scuffing that will take some effort to buff out or repair . Both cars are T - top cars . I can 't stand solid roof cars and if a car that I fancy came with a T - top option then I 'm going to own a T - top version of that car . The differences between the two T - top setups is also worth noting . The TA stores its glass roof panels in a single , large zippered bag , with a cloth divider to protect the two glass panels from scratches . The large bag then is hooked to four anchor points , two at the very rear and two just behind the seats ( mounted to the floor plate above the gas tank / rear axle assembly ) . The Pontiac 's roof panels have integral locks to prevent theft and the same key that opens the door also locks and unlocks the roof panels . The Dodge 's glass roof panels are much smaller and lighter . Where the Pontiac panels require two hands each , you can one - hand the Dodge panels easily . The Dodge 's panels also lock for security but require a separate key to do so , probably because they were installed by a contractor company ( C & C ) rather than by Dodge . The Dodge 's roof panels are stored in individual bags which feel . . . flimsy and cheap . The quality of the Dodge 's roof panel storage bags is nowhere near the substantial nature of the Pontiac 's storage bag nor does it have a zipper or tie downs built in . The Dodge roof panels store in individual bags , each bag has a flap to fold over to cover the roof panel and then the bags are secured under a two strap , cross - web type harness that is not at all user friendly . The web can be configured from diagonal to horizontal in setup but this causes the roof panels , in their bags , to slide forward and backward while the car accelerates or brakes . The setup for the storage of the roof panels on the Dodge was not very well designed , as compared to the simplistic and overly effective setup on the Pontiac . Also , due to the Pontiac 's deep storage well ( necessitated by the location of the rear axle and fuel tank ) , the Pontiac can store luggage or other personal items and then put the roof panels over those items giving the Pontiac a lot of storage space even with the roof panels stored . The Dodge panels rest on the rear cargo area and any luggage , etc . which is carried will , by necessity , have to be placed on top of the glass roof panels . . . not a good idea and certainly not the best setup for survival of the roof panels . Side vents on the Dodge ground effects are fake ( WHY ! ? ! ? ! ) but can be drilled / cut out to at least flow cold air ( the material is thin ) if not directly to the rear brakes then at least in the direction of the rear brakes . When I get the Daytona repainted I 'll be cutting the ducts out to direct cold air , at speed , to the rear wheel wells . Unlike the Pontiac wheels ( which are 16 " x8 " ) , the Dodge wheelI always preferred the Shelby " crab " wheels myself but the crab wheels are slightly smaller than the ' 89 " Ninja Throwing Star " wheels as they are commonly referred to and the Ninja wheels are kind of growing on me more and more each day . Now if the Ninja wheels were just a little easier to clean . . . there are ribs in those openings and those ribs LOVE to collect brake dust and grime . Driving the Dodge and then the Pontiac is like night and day , literally . Stuff on the Pontiac is in a totally different place than the Dodge . The hood release on the Dodge is under the dash , under the steering wheel . The hood release for the Pontiac is on the left side of the dash , down your lower left leg . The power window switch on the Pontiac rolls the window up if you push it forward and lowers the window if you push it back . It 's the exact opposite on the Dodge ( which is " upside down " and " wrong " ) . The gas fill is on the left ( driver 's ) side of the Pontiac and the right ( passenger ) side of the Dodge . The Dodge has a remote gas door release and a remote hatch release . The Pontiac has neither ( you have to use a key in a lock in the center of the Pontiac 's taillights to open the hatch ) . Both cars could have had rear window wipers . . . cars with rear windows this big need them badly . Neither car has a rear window wiper . Both cars have rear window defoggers , though . The rear window defroster switch is a separate toggle switch on the dash of the Pontiac and a switch in the center console of the Dodge . All three together . The Dodge is the new daily driver ( having replaced my ' 99 Lincoln Towncar that I recently sold ) , the Honda is the backup and the TA is the occasional driver / final backup / show car . I used to ride the Honda every day on my 70 plus mile round trip commute but my work schedule puts me at 10 hour days ( and sometimes 18 to 36 hour in a row shifts ) which leaves me made out of tired . It 's suicide to ride a motorcycle when you 're made out of tired hence why I don 't ride the Honda as much as I used to and why I wanted something smaller , sportier and far more fuel efficient than the big 4 . 6 liter V8 powered Lincoln Towncar . I took the Daytona to work today , the first time that she 's been out of town in three weeks , and she did great . Tops off , windows down ( the passenger side window is still acting up sometimes ) . On the way back I put the tops on and windows up due to inclement weather . Stereo worked , AC worked and she climbed hills without flaming out on me and leaving me stranded on the side of the road . I 'm not sure that the recirculate option works on the AC . If you slide the lever to the recirculate notch it doesn 't seem to cool as well as just leaving the lever at the tip end of the blue temp arrow . I swapped out the aftermarket shift knob for the factory knob and decided to just leave it at that . I 've got to refinish the shift pattern " coin " that fits on top of the shifter and glue it back onto the top of the shifter but that 's trivial . The interior is still filthy from three weeks in the shop and she needs a good washing and detailing and restocking with getting my gear reloaded back in her . Right now my daily carry stuff is thrown in the Daytona but it 's no where near organized . Looking back at the two and a half months that have passed since I bought her from John I think maybe . . . maybe . . . I 've logged a week , maybe more , maybe seven to ten days , behind the wheel . The rest of the time she 's been in the shop getting worked on . Today I learned all over again what a fun car the Daytona is to drive . After some fast food I drove over to my mechanic 's to check on the Daytona . I figured three weeks was about enough patience . As I pulled in I saw the Daytona parked outside on the back lot . I hoped that meant that it was ready . I checked with my mechanic and he said the Daytona was ready . . . he meant to call me yesterday but . . . They cleaned the underside , powertrain and motor off really well , fixed another oil leak and test drove it for a few days . It didn 't seem to leak for them but my mechanic wanted me to drive it for a while and see if it leaked any more . If so , bring it back . . . The center console / dash electronics are all working again . It was a fuse . . . but not one in the fuse box . Apparently it was a fuse way up inside the dash behind the radio and other stuff and hard to reach . And . . . I picked up the Daytona tonight around 6 : 30pm , drove it to the fuel center and topped her off with 93 octane no ethanol . Tomorrow I 'll take her back to work and see how she does . Maybe I 've got her back for good now . I 've got a car club cruise - in coming up Saturday , probably the next to last one this year before my car club goes into hibernation for the winter . Maybe I can get the Daytona and the TA there at the same time , a first for that . If so , pictures will be posted . That must have been one hell of an oil leak that they had to fix ( as well as hooking back up just about everything in the center dash from the gear shifter up to the AC controls ) . Today it was three weeks ago that I dropped the Daytona off to have my mechanic fix the oil leak and find out why the stereo , CD player and cigarette lighter / power port all quit working before I got it back . I swear , I 've maybe driven this car six or seven days total since I got it . Still , it 's been nice to break out the ' 86 TA and put some highway miles on her . . . she turns heads as much ( if not more ) than the ' 89 Dodge Shelby Daytona does .
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Took the Daytona to work today and as I was loading up my gear I remembered that I needed to replace the fuse that I blew Friday night when I picked up the Dodge . I have a box of different blade fuses I keep in the garage so I just grabbed the box of fuses and threw it in the back of the Daytona thinking that if I got a chance at work I could pop the panel and check / replace the fuse . Later that morning I dropped the fuse panel ( below the steering wheel ) and checked the fuses . Sure enough , one was blown . I replaced it from my spares and had a working radio / CD player and clock again . Total repair time : 5 minutes and most of that was to get the cover off and back on since it is held in place with three spring loaded plastic twist knobs which do NOT like to go back into their slots once you take the plate off . I had to work the ER that night and the Daytona gave me no problems . In fact , it 's running great . I say that sarcastically so that nothing bad will happen . That night at the ER my nurse practitioner stopped me and asked me about my car . " No . Dodge Daytona . It 's the sister car to the Laser . Laser was a Chrysler , they stopped making them in 1986 but Dodge kept making the Daytona until the early ' 90 's . " It 's neat when someone else remembers these cars . . . and remembers them in a pop culture reference . For what it is worth , Hunter 's partner " Dee Dee Mccall " drove a Dodge Daytona Turbo Z in the early years ( red with silver lower body ) and a Shelby Z in the later years ( again , red ) . Here are two pics . I spent a week in Jackson living out of a motel while training in the latest VMWare . I had to take the ' 86 TA since the Daytona was in the shop . I 'd say that VMWare is a pretty steep learning curve , at first , but then it seems to get easier as you go along . A lot of my work hardware is getting virtualized , I 've got a virtual server farm at work with six VMs on it and it 's only going to grow . I spent the week in Jackson using the ' 86 TA to commute back and forth to class and after getting off on Friday I was headed back home when my mechanic called and told me that the Daytona was ready . I told him to leave it outside , locked up , with the keys in the center console . I had a spare set of keys and when I got home after 6pm that night I 'd pick it up . Fast forward to Friday night . I 'm reunited with my family , we go out to get something quick to eat and we stop by the garage on the way to pick up the Daytona . My mechanic has left my keys in the ashtray and I 've left the cigarette lighter plug out . As I get into the Daytona and reach for my spare set of keys , they slide forward , one key dips down into the cigarette lighter well and . . . zap . Saturday morning I get up and . . . after a week of training and driving and . . . crap . . . I just don 't feel like doing anything let alone cleaning and detailing either the road dirty TA or the garage dirty Daytona . Screw it . I take my oldest daughter out to get something to eat , call it brunch , then head to Gamestop where she wants to look for a video game or two . After that , we go to Walmart and I 'm thinking that I need to find that fuse and replace it . Brand new compressor . I 've still got a lot of TLC to do to the engine compartment . 25 years worth of grime , wear and tear . I think come spring I 'm going to go through the cooling system like I did with the TA . I 'll replace all hoses , thermostat and radiator , probably add in a manual electric fan switch and with all of the cooling system removed see how much deeper into the motor I can get ( and how much more stuff I can clean ) . Here 's the new compressor in place . I 'm thinking that this week all I 'm going to do to the Daytona is put gas in her and drive her . We 're supposed to have some bad thunderstorms in the next few days . I 'll wait until the weather moves through before I try to clean her up again . So . . . I get up early , take the wife to breakfast ( the kids are at my parents and us time is rare and far between ) and we take the Daytona . It 's nice weather outside and the T - tops are on so I just roll down the windows and we enjoy some fresh air . About a mile from the house there is a thump from under the hood and then . . . silence . My wife asks me what that was because it sounded like we ran over something but I don 't see anything in the road behind us . My eyes flash to the gauges in the dash . . . no warning lights , all needles are right where they need to be . . . no obvious signs of malfunction and the Daytona is driving fine . I shrug my shoulders and we drive on . I 'm thinking it might have been a stuck vacuum door in the dash finally opening or shutting or something . It kind of sounded like a thump from inside the dash . We have breakfast at Hardees and after sitting and eating and visiting and enjoying each other 's company ( without children present ) we hop in the Daytona and head back home . It has warmed up some so I turn the AC on . . . and I can immediately tell that it is not blowing cold . Again . Part of me says " Wait . It will start to blow cold in a few seconds . " but the other part of me says " No . This isn 't normal . It should be blowing cool air , dense air , different than what it would blow with the fan only . " My wife runs her hand in front of the vents . We had the Daytona out last night , took it to Hattiesburg on a date , ran the AC all the way there and back and it got so cold that we had to turn it down to low just to stay in the Daytona . In fact , my wife knocked the temp up out of the blue to halfway into the red on the way home because the AC was working so well . One of my drive belts has been making a little bit of noise lately . My father heard it when I visited him the other day and he grabbed up his can of " Belt - Eze " and sprayed my belts . Dad doth not like squeaky belts under the hood . . . it doesn 't bother me that much , mine was barely audible with the hood shut and some belt noise is unavoidable . Still . . . what if the belt had been on its last legs and had finally given up the ghost . I remembered that I 'd looked at all of the belts when I bought the Daytona way back in June and I 'd inspected them before taking it on its 700 plus mile journey home . The belts had all looked almost brand new . Thinking that I had a broken AC drive belt to look forward to replacing I took the Daytona home , parked it in the driveway , popped the hood and looked at the AC compressor . The belt was still on the drive pulley . Ok , strange . . . then what was that thump under the hood . That 's when I noticed that the front of the AC compressor where the clutch is looked . . . strange . Different . I reached into my back pocket , pulled out my OT200 flashlight and flicked it on . I could see an exposed thread on the front of the AC compressor and a single washer just stuck on the side of the thread , like it was magnetized . I shined the flashlight down into the motor and . . . WTF is that ! ? ! ? My wife comes out of the bedroom , confused and asks me if I 'm laughing because I fixed the problem or because I found the problem . I tell her what I found and she follows me back out to the garage and I show her . While she 's holding the flashlight trying to figure out how the AC compressor clutch face came off , I go get my magnetic pick - up tool and pull the clutch face out of the guts of the motor . I 'm still laughing and I laugh to keep from crying . Brand new compressor and it 's come apart . Oh , this better be fixed under warranty . . . that compressor can 't be two months old . And . . . here 's the part that just fell off . Yay . I 'm guessing the compressor was made in Mexico or China . Oh , well , back to the shop on Monday . I think this was a record . I think I had the Daytona in my hot little hands and on the road about ten days , maybe , before it had to go back in the shop . It 's been a long week and I worked more than I should have but hey ! I rather be overworked than unemployed and there 's always money at the end so that makes everything better . Here 's the Daytona Shelby shot outside the ER before my 8 hour shift began . I noticed lately that it 's getting darker quicker . A few weeks ago the sun wouldn 't go down until nearly 8pm , now it 's getting dark a little after 7 . It also didn 't help that it was overcast . . . a lot , with heat lightning scattered all around and storm clouds moving through . Friday I took the Daytona to the firing range to qualify with my Gen IV Glock 17 sidearm . I took her down Columbia - Purvis Road , a serpentine twister ( look it up on Google Maps , Columbia MS ) . I had some wind in the sails , call it 65 to 70mph and I wasn 't touching the brakes . Then I came up on a Ford Focus , came up on him pretty quick , got to within two car lengths of him , thought I was going to have to really haul it down when he looks in his rear view mirror and floors it ( as fast as a Ford Focus can be floored ) . I don 't know . . . maybe he thought I was trying to steal his girlfriend ( there was a girl in the passenger seat ) or maybe he thought I was his girlfriend 's ex - boyfriend or who knows but this Ford in front of me shot up to speed and then never let off . I followed him , since he was now moving at the clip that I had been moving at before I had to haul it down to not run over him and we stayed that way for 2 / 3 of the drive . The Daytona Shelby is a really good handling car , once you get used to the weight distribution and the fact that you 're steering AND driving with the same set of wheels ( which like I said in a previous post is a really funny feeling ) . The Ford Focus . . . eh , not so much . I found that if I let him run out about four or five car lengths in front of me I could smile and occasionally chuckle when he would hit a curve beyond his capacity and have to hit the brakes , sometimes hard . He 'd ride the curve , sometimes crossing the center line to straighten the curve so he could make it and then he 'd power out of the curve on the other end , as much as a Ford Focus can power out of a curve . I just kept the Daytona in cruise in 5th gear at 65mph and drove . By the time I got to the same curve that he had just struggled through all I had to do was cut the wheel a little and glide on through the curve , no fuss . I guess this infuriated the Ford driver because he kept looking back to see how the Daytona would handle the curve and when I just hugged the outer line , one gloved hand on the wheel , not breaking a sweat at all it would only make him even more determined to , I don 't know , prove himself to me ? Shortly before Purvis , the two of us came up on a slow moving pickup truck and we had to haul down . Like I said , I don 't know what this guy 's problem was but he kept looking back at me in the rearview mirror and once the woman in the passenger seat turned around and looked at me . I just smiled and kept looking straight ahead . It was obvious that the guy was mad that he had come up on a slower moving vehicle because he kept trying to pass . Now , understand that Columbia - Purvis Road isn 't a good road to try to pass on , either so all this guy could do is slide to the left a little , see a hill or an oncoming bit of traffic and then slow down again as he took second place behind the truck in front of him . He kept looking back in the rearview mirror like he owed me money and all I did was just stare at him and smile . Eventually we came to a Y in the road and he took the left fork and I kept on going straight and that was the last that I saw of him . I didn 't even look at him as he peeled off . It was a strange little road race but at least it kept the long drive from Columbia to Purvis interesting . The ' 89 Dodge Daytona Shelby , the ' 86 Pontiac Firebird Trans Am and ' 04 Honda CBR600RR . That 's 16 cylinders , 21 fuel injectors , 15 speeds , and 499 total horsepower on display , all stock . I 'm not sure how many ' 04 Honda CBR600RR 's were built but as far as the Dodge and the TA go , both are rare . . . very rare . The TA is probably one of 250 made , give or take , with the options it has . . . I doubt there are many left like it , especially in this condition . Dodge produced 4741 Daytona Shelbys in 1989 . Out of those 4741 , only 1953 had the T - top package installed . 1612 were painted Flash Red and only 862 were ordered with CD players . The number of Daytona Shelbys equipped with AC , 5 speed and Cruise Control was also low so I 'm guessing that this Daytona is one of only a few hundred produced with the options it came from the factory with , call it as rare as the TA , give or take which means that I now have two rare high performance ' 80 's sports cars . The Daytona and the TA . I imagine this line - up was seen several times in the late ' 80 's and early ' 90 's on the street at stoplights across the nation . One main difference between the Dodge and the Pontiac is that the Dodge is a front breather and the Pontiac is a bottom breather . In other words , the Dodge receives fresh , cold air through those slots / vents in the nose giving it a direct path to cool the radiator . On the Pontiac , cold air is ducted to the radiator from an air dam mounted below the nose . The air induction for the Pontiac is through a complicated , somewhat restrictive filter box located on the front passenger side , right behind the passenger side headlight and turn signal . On the Dodge , cold air for the engine is drawn in on the driver 's side through an air intake which also contains the engine control computer ( the fresh air keeps the computer cool ) . The engine control computer for the Pontiac is located under the passenger side of the dash on the Pontiac . Putting the engine control computer inside the engine compartment , exposed to heat , cold , humidity , and moisture never made a lot of sense to me but . . . For 1989 the look of the top of the line Shelby Daytona was different than the ' 87 to ' 88 model years . It now seems obvious that Dodge took ( stole ) a page from the 1985 Pontiac Design Book . . . namely putting the biggest aluminum wheels and best performance oriented suspension yet into the series , a redesigned wrap around ground effects with front spoiler mounting integral driving lights , full width rear , smooth , smoked colored taillights , and a big rear wrap around spoiler . The spoiler is one piece on the Pontiac ( called an " Aerowing " ) and three separate pieces on the Dodge ( two side pieces which don 't move and a center piece which raises and lowers with the rear hatch ) . Both cars feature electrically driven hidden headlights . The Pontiac is notorious for eating up the nylon gears in the worm drive ( mine are still stock and work fine but each time they go up or down I know that is one less time that they will do so ) . With the Pontiac 's raked nose it is easy to tell that the headlights are up . Not so with the Daytona . . . when the Daytona 's headlights pop up they level at the front edge of the hood and you catch yourself pulling yourself up in the driver 's seat , often by the steering wheel , to make sure that the headlights did pop up and if they did that both of them made the effort . The Pontiac driving lights come on when you light the parking lights so you can drive around with just the driving lights lit but not the main headlights on or raised . The Dodge 's driving lights only come on when the headlights are activated . I think I found a solution to that problem and it 's a quick / cheap fix . On the Pontiac and the Dodge , if you hit your bright lights the driving lights are deactivated which I thought was a stupid idea . . . if you need more illumination then the last thing you would want to do is cut off half of your lights . There 's a cheap fix for this situation as well that I 'll be implementing soon . The driving light switches are also weirdly placed between the two cars . . . on the Pontiac the driving light switch is a separate switch located right below the main light switch . On the Dodge the driving light switch is located . . . on the passenger side of the center console , down below the CD player and forward of the transmission shifter . . . to the right of the ash tray . Yeah , I can 't figure that one out either because the driving lights for the Dodge are almost on the opposite side of the car from the headlight switch . Speaking of headlight switches . . . the Dodge uses an old style pull out knob while the Pontiac uses a rocker segmented switch that allows you to turn on either the parking lights or parking lights and headlights . Notice the similarities in design ? The fluted rear under spoiler on the Dodge is called a " wake modifier " and it was supposed to smooth the passage of the Daytona through the air while at high speed . Pontiac could have used one of those ( and it might have added to the " tough " looks of the ' 85 to ' 86 TA ) but the TA is still rock solid at triple digits . Performance wise , the TA seems a more capable car . . . it doesn 't wobble and shimmy around as much as the Dodge does under hard acceleration . The TA acts like a muscle car , point it where you want it to go , punch the loud pedal to the floor and amid the screaming of the rear hides and the occasional sideways slide of the rear end you 're off headed towards whatever destination you intended and you 're going to get there really quick without a lot of effort or fuss . Not so with the Daytona . . . With the Daytona you have to work for your performance . If you 're going to go fast in the Daytona then Dodge is going to make you earn every bit of that performance . With 174 turbocharged , intercooled and port fuel injected horsepower on tap you have to realize that there is a delay in ordering that power and actually receiving it so there 's less instant gratification in the Daytona , it 's more like ordering pizza online then waiting on it to be delivered . That delay is called " turbo lag " and it means that even though you drop the long skinny pedal the Daytona is going to take almost four seconds for the turbocharger to spool up to the necessary RPM to start the balls to the wall huffing circus . During this time , the power of the engine builds not in a predictable , almost linear fashion like the TA but more like a balloon payment on a mortgage . . . a little , a little , a little , a whole lot ! Being front wheel drive , the Daytona gets busy all in front of the driver . . . everything . . . engine , transmission , differential , driving wheels . . . all of that is in front of you . Directly in front of you and everything else is behind you . The busy parts get to be a handful and everything else just hangs out on the laundry line to dry . The steering wheel shakes a lot , the car seems to want to slide its rear this way and that but it 's an illusion of the setup , like I said , it 's like being in a Roman chariot in an old movie where the chariot goes out of control with the horses running wild pulling the chariot ( and its driver ) helplessly behind . Taking curves hard in the Daytona also gives you the feeling of being in a chariot , like the power train is going to hang the curve just fine but everything behind the power train ( namely from the inside dash to the rear bumper , including the driver ) is going to sling off and go flying off the curve on a tangent not at all related to the rest of the Daytona . Once you drive the Daytona for a couple of days all of this weirdness melts away into the background and you get used to how the Daytona performs and handles . Then you go ride the Honda for a week or two , or drive the TA for a week or two just to put some miles on the other toys and blow the soot out of them and when you come back to the Daytona everything is weird again and you have to learn everything all over . It 's the price I pay for being eccentric and driving toys that no one else does . As I said , the two cars are vastly different in how they drive and how they feel , especially when you drive them fast or near the edge of their limits . It takes time to reacquaint yourself with each one if you spend long periods of time driving one and then the other , less so with the TA than with the Daytona . It 's almost like being right handed then having to learn how to write with your left hand and , a few days later , having to go back to your right hand . Like I said , driving the TA fast is easy . The WS6 performance option lets the TA hang corners like it was on rails and the big , fat sticky tires hug the road to the point where you 'll be sloshing the liquids in your body long before you straighten a curve . The Daytona is equally adept at hanging curves it just takes more work , a lot more work , to do so because the front end is doing all of the driving and traction and the rear end is basically just being pulled along for the ride . You can 't really apply power to the rear end in a corner in the Daytona like you can in the TA and that means that you 've got to use a different mindset , a completely different mindset , when driving the Daytona hard than you do when you drive the TA hard . The Daytona requires a lot more brains to drive . . . you have to plan your performance , you have to keep the engine high enough in the RPM band that the turbo is there , ready , and doesn 't have to spool back up . If you mess up in the TA you can still recover pretty easy and make a good go of it . If you mess up in the Daytona it 's going to fall flat on its face and you 're going to be looking at the other guy 's ( or girl 's ) taillights with a quickness . Brakes for both cars are effing amazing , nigh on phenomenal and both cars are equipped with power four wheel disc cars with competition intended suspension setups from the factory ( an option on the TA for ' 86 , standard on the Shelby model for ' 89 ) . The Daytona , however , has brakes that are simply beyond compare . The TA 's brakes probably need to be rebuilt . . . they just don 't grab like they used to and it 's not the pads . . . it 's the power assist . You can push down hard on the TA and it just grinds to a halt like it has ABS , no fanfare , no locking the wheels up and sliding across the pavement on friction burning rubber . . . you stomp the TA and it just slows until it stops . The brakes on the Daytona are the most serious and insane brakes I 've ever had on any car and I 've had some serious and insane factory setups ( Z51 , Z07 , WS6 . . . ) . The Daytona brakes are not for the faint of heart . . . I stomped them one day in a panic stop when someone pulled out in front of me and I thought my head was going to leave my shoulders and become a hood ornament . Reverse whiplash is a real possibility with the Daytona Shelby 's brakes and I 'm honestly scared of the Daytona 's brakes on a wet pavement situation . . . they 're that responsive . When it starts to rain I make sure to give myself plenty of room to brake , even more so than usual . Handling for both cars is lightning quick and you can change lanes fast enough to almost bring your last meal back up to visit . The TA 's steering wheel is thick and padded and doesn 't have an air bag . The Daytona 's steering wheel sports a huge rectangular air bag in the middle and far smaller diameter rim around that than the TA . Still , the ' 89 Steering wheel is loads better than the steering wheel that my ' 86 Daytona Turbo Z had . . . that steering wheel had been designed by a sadist or a masochist or both and it punished you when you tried to drive long distances but that 's neither here nor now so . . . Yes , each one of these examples of high tech 1980 's factory performance GT cars has its own strengths and weaknesses . The Daytona feels " weird " after driving the Pontiac but the Daytona sips premium gas like a debutante with a glass of champagne at a coming of age party while the Pontiac guzzles premium like Beowulf guzzles mead in the hall of the Danes . Rowing gears and dancing on pedals in the Daytona is a lot more fun than the " select - o - matic " four speed automatic overdrive of the TA but if you get in heavy traffic the fun of rowing gears starts to wear thin after a while , especially if you 're not getting out of first gear very much . Both cars contain a HUGE amount of glass which makes their air conditioning systems work especially hard on bright sunny hot days . Panels to cover the glass roof panels came with both the TA and the Dodge but have been lost over the decades since these cars were brand new . I had a replacement set of T - top covers for the Pontiac but those were damaged during its long storage several years back , prior to restoration . I recently started a thread on the Turbo Dodge forums and received an answer about what kind of material to make my own , custom , hand - made covers out of and I 'll be trying that soon for both the Pontiac and the Dodge . The AC works a whole lot better when the sun isn 't beating right down on top of you through a glass roof panel . It starts to make you feel like you 're an ant . . . and some fat kid is focusing a big magnifying glass on you . Cargo areas in both cars are similar in layout and design since both are hatchback models . The TA 's rear seats lock but can fold down to allow larger items to be stored in the rear cargo area ( at the expense of carrying rear seat passengers , of course ) . The front Recaro bucket seats in the Pontiac also lock and have to be unlocked with a small thumb switch . The Daytona seats just flip forward and back without any locks . I 'm sure that this is convenient but in spirited driving you can look over and notice that the rear seats have fallen forward and sometimes items from the rear cargo area have spilled forward into the rear seating area ( which is why it is SO important to secure items in the Daytona ) . I 'm guessing that inertia locks of some kind prevent the seats from moving forward during sudden deceleration but I 'm not sure right now . It seems like a poor design to me . The TA 's driver and passenger side seat belts are held against the headrest by a simple plastic loop fastener making reaching for the seatbelt easy . The Dodge 's seatbelts hang loose making for a long reach behind you ( even with the seat cranked all the way back on its track to accommodate my five foot twelve stature ) a real effort to grab the seatbelt and secure it . The bottom of the seatbelt in the Dodge also swivels forward and back , presumably to allow easy access to passengers entering the rear seats . Unfortunately , over the years , the plastic trim on the lower part of the seatbelt has eaten away at the plastic trim on the left side of the driver 's seat , the constant back and forth " sawing " motion has rubbed hard in that place making for an unsightly scuffing that will take some effort to buff out or repair . Both cars are T - top cars . I can 't stand solid roof cars and if a car that I fancy came with a T - top option then I 'm going to own a T - top version of that car . The differences between the two T - top setups is also worth noting . The TA stores its glass roof panels in a single , large zippered bag , with a cloth divider to protect the two glass panels from scratches . The large bag then is hooked to four anchor points , two at the very rear and two just behind the seats ( mounted to the floor plate above the gas tank / rear axle assembly ) . The Pontiac 's roof panels have integral locks to prevent theft and the same key that opens the door also locks and unlocks the roof panels . The Dodge 's glass roof panels are much smaller and lighter . Where the Pontiac panels require two hands each , you can one - hand the Dodge panels easily . The Dodge 's panels also lock for security but require a separate key to do so , probably because they were installed by a contractor company ( C & C ) rather than by Dodge . The Dodge 's roof panels are stored in individual bags which feel . . . flimsy and cheap . The quality of the Dodge 's roof panel storage bags is nowhere near the substantial nature of the Pontiac 's storage bag nor does it have a zipper or tie downs built in . The Dodge roof panels store in individual bags , each bag has a flap to fold over to cover the roof panel and then the bags are secured under a two strap , cross - web type harness that is not at all user friendly . The web can be configured from diagonal to horizontal in setup but this causes the roof panels , in their bags , to slide forward and backward while the car accelerates or brakes . The setup for the storage of the roof panels on the Dodge was not very well designed , as compared to the simplistic and overly effective setup on the Pontiac . Also , due to the Pontiac 's deep storage well ( necessitated by the location of the rear axle and fuel tank ) , the Pontiac can store luggage or other personal items and then put the roof panels over those items giving the Pontiac a lot of storage space even with the roof panels stored . The Dodge panels rest on the rear cargo area and any luggage , etc . which is carried will , by necessity , have to be placed on top of the glass roof panels . . . not a good idea and certainly not the best setup for survival of the roof panels . Side vents on the Dodge ground effects are fake ( WHY ! ? ! ? ! ) but can be drilled / cut out to at least flow cold air ( the material is thin ) if not directly to the rear brakes then at least in the direction of the rear brakes . When I get the Daytona repainted I 'll be cutting the ducts out to direct cold air , at speed , to the rear wheel wells . Unlike the Pontiac wheels ( which are 16 " x8 " ) , the Dodge wheelI always preferred the Shelby " crab " wheels myself but the crab wheels are slightly smaller than the ' 89 " Ninja Throwing Star " wheels as they are commonly referred to and the Ninja wheels are kind of growing on me more and more each day . Now if the Ninja wheels were just a little easier to clean . . . there are ribs in those openings and those ribs LOVE to collect brake dust and grime . Driving the Dodge and then the Pontiac is like night and day , literally . Stuff on the Pontiac is in a totally different place than the Dodge . The hood release on the Dodge is under the dash , under the steering wheel . The hood release for the Pontiac is on the left side of the dash , down your lower left leg . The power window switch on the Pontiac rolls the window up if you push it forward and lowers the window if you push it back . It 's the exact opposite on the Dodge ( which is " upside down " and " wrong " ) . The gas fill is on the left ( driver 's ) side of the Pontiac and the right ( passenger ) side of the Dodge . The Dodge has a remote gas door release and a remote hatch release . The Pontiac has neither ( you have to use a key in a lock in the center of the Pontiac 's taillights to open the hatch ) . Both cars could have had rear window wipers . . . cars with rear windows this big need them badly . Neither car has a rear window wiper . Both cars have rear window defoggers , though . The rear window defroster switch is a separate toggle switch on the dash of the Pontiac and a switch in the center console of the Dodge . All three together . The Dodge is the new daily driver ( having replaced my ' 99 Lincoln Towncar that I recently sold ) , the Honda is the backup and the TA is the occasional driver / final backup / show car . I used to ride the Honda every day on my 70 plus mile round trip commute but my work schedule puts me at 10 hour days ( and sometimes 18 to 36 hour in a row shifts ) which leaves me made out of tired . It 's suicide to ride a motorcycle when you 're made out of tired hence why I don 't ride the Honda as much as I used to and why I wanted something smaller , sportier and far more fuel efficient than the big 4 . 6 liter V8 powered Lincoln Towncar . I took the Daytona to work today , the first time that she 's been out of town in three weeks , and she did great . Tops off , windows down ( the passenger side window is still acting up sometimes ) . On the way back I put the tops on and windows up due to inclement weather . Stereo worked , AC worked and she climbed hills without flaming out on me and leaving me stranded on the side of the road . I 'm not sure that the recirculate option works on the AC . If you slide the lever to the recirculate notch it doesn 't seem to cool as well as just leaving the lever at the tip end of the blue temp arrow . I swapped out the aftermarket shift knob for the factory knob and decided to just leave it at that . I 've got to refinish the shift pattern " coin " that fits on top of the shifter and glue it back onto the top of the shifter but that 's trivial . The interior is still filthy from three weeks in the shop and she needs a good washing and detailing and restocking with getting my gear reloaded back in her . Right now my daily carry stuff is thrown in the Daytona but it 's no where near organized . Looking back at the two and a half months that have passed since I bought her from John I think maybe . . . maybe . . . I 've logged a week , maybe more , maybe seven to ten days , behind the wheel . The rest of the time she 's been in the shop getting worked on . Today I learned all over again what a fun car the Daytona is to drive . After some fast food I drove over to my mechanic 's to check on the Daytona . I figured three weeks was about enough patience . As I pulled in I saw the Daytona parked outside on the back lot . I hoped that meant that it was ready . I checked with my mechanic and he said the Daytona was ready . . . he meant to call me yesterday but . . . They cleaned the underside , powertrain and motor off really well , fixed another oil leak and test drove it for a few days . It didn 't seem to leak for them but my mechanic wanted me to drive it for a while and see if it leaked any more . If so , bring it back . . . The center console / dash electronics are all working again . It was a fuse . . . but not one in the fuse box . Apparently it was a fuse way up inside the dash behind the radio and other stuff and hard to reach . And . . . I picked up the Daytona tonight around 6 : 30pm , drove it to the fuel center and topped her off with 93 octane no ethanol . Tomorrow I 'll take her back to work and see how she does . Maybe I 've got her back for good now . I 've got a car club cruise - in coming up Saturday , probably the next to last one this year before my car club goes into hibernation for the winter . Maybe I can get the Daytona and the TA there at the same time , a first for that . If so , pictures will be posted . That must have been one hell of an oil leak that they had to fix ( as well as hooking back up just about everything in the center dash from the gear shifter up to the AC controls ) . Today it was three weeks ago that I dropped the Daytona off to have my mechanic fix the oil leak and find out why the stereo , CD player and cigarette lighter / power port all quit working before I got it back . I swear , I 've maybe driven this car six or seven days total since I got it . Still , it 's been nice to break out the ' 86 TA and put some highway miles on her . . . she turns heads as much ( if not more ) than the ' 89 Dodge Shelby Daytona does .
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My kids ' classes were two - thirds OK . The older sister was giving me attitude again . I sometimes think that adolescence should be banned . After I finished with my last student , I decided to head home instead of just hang out downtown for five hours looking for dinner . It was a good decision since I was able to get some down time with a cheap bento . I met up with the Cop , Movie Buddy and DTE at the bar along with the Cop 's girlfriend and some of her friends . They were very friendly but the conversation was pretty much segregated into native English speakers and native Japanese speakers . We got into all sorts of topics including the usual harangue about the idiots who run our school . DTE also had some very choice words for the Scheduler ; I now consider her to be a full veteran . MB was providing some sage advice for her about upcoming contract negotiations . Once again , I was the first to leave since the chime struck 11 . Also , there were quite a few boorish and obnoxious men and women there by that time so I felt it was best that I leave . Tomorrow I 've got that brunch with Chip Guy followed by catching " Master and Commander " in Shinjuku . Skippy contacted me about some confusion over the bill from last Saturday 's karaoke session . Ugh . I told her that we 'll talk later . Posted by Got less than 6 hours of sleep so I 'm feeling rather out of sorts now . However , the chai is helping a bit . I 'm starting to fine - tune the recipe after the Iconoclast 's initial lesson back on Sunday . My first solo attempt was way too strong . . . let 's say that it acted as a good alternative to Ex - Lax . I 've prepped my lessons for today . Hopefully , everything will work out although knowing the unpredictability of kids , one really never knows . I just have to figure out what I 'm going to do for 4 hours between my last lesson and the Cop 's farewell . Well , I found out that Aum Shinrikyo guru Shoko Asahara got the death sentence that he so richly deserves for that sarin gas attack on the Tokyo subways back in March 1995 . I remember being home at the time when the special bulletins came in , and seeing bird 's - eye views of emergency crews and stricken commuters scattered throughout the central business district . Because of today 's verdict , the police were on high alert for any possibility that the Aum , now known as Aleph , might wreak revenge . Strangely enough , several other cultists have been given the death penalty but none of them have been executed as of yet . Perhaps the guru will be the first to hang . I 'm not sure if there will be any mention of when the execution of Asahara will take place ; Japan has a custom of keeping executions secret until well after the the deed has been done . I blew a lot of money today on work - related expenditures such as texts at Maruzen and another round of maple syrup from Kinokuniya . One bottle will be contributed to the Pancake Day party at my juku while the other plus a box of candy will be going to my uncle in thanks for his stamp on my lease renewal form . I sent in the renewal form by mail today but I couldn 't make the transfer payment since the banks were all filled with people due to payday today . I crashed at my school trying to get some of the props from my Pancake Day party . The coordinator was nowhere to be found so I just sat down in the computer room for several minutes until I heard the chatter of former students who just couldn 't let go their old alma mater . I had a nice talk with them including the one boy with a number of fetishes . Then I met up with two of my newest students , newly - graduated Arwen and Ms . 77 . We went off to the Tea Room to have our inaugural lesson . It was basically talking on a printout of a CNN article on the Janet Jackson controversy . We leapt from there into unexpectedly deep topics such as religion and one 's mortality . The talk was quite good , but at the end I wondered if the two were really satisfied with the lesson because of its casual nature . They reassured me it was but I wasn 't totally convinced . In any case , they did request that they would like a mix of structured lessons and casual ones like today 's . It looks like I 'll be doing some more shopping next week . Then the three of us went off to Foo Foo where we all tucked into my fave Breaded Pork in Spicy Ramen . It was there that the chemistry finally started to click in so that we ended up talking up a storm for 2 hours . I felt that the relationship was dipping deep into close friendship territory which may or may not be a good thing considering that I 'll be teaching them . But in any case , it was a very enjoyable dinner . Luckily that harridan food critic from Monday didn 't show up . I was also privy to some rather interesting gossip about the former top class . Apparently , there was a lot of friction and cliquism there . Certain students didn 't care much for Skippy and vice versa ; Arwen and 77 mentioned that their class which was one level lower had a much more convivial relationship . It was interesting to hear but not surprising . Skippy was indeed this year 's lead student , and leaders of any sort have their detractors . Past lead students have also had their enemies at my school . It is a bit ironic that the same reasons which explained Skippy 's good work in front of the teachers also got her enmity from a few of her classmates . We finally broke up at about 10 : 30 with the next class being held next Thursday in the afternoon . The Cop left a message asking me whether I would be attending his farewell later Saturday evening . I relayed a message to him via Movie Buddy that I indeed would . I 've got those kids beforehand which makes me kinda glad that my two former students have canned their session with me at the Tea Room due to illness . I could use a bit of down time after the kids . And surprise , surprise . The Madam sent me a brief note after several weeks of no contact . I was just as short and sweet with her . Posted by I received an SOS of sorts from my old school , so DTE 's premonition that I may be getting more requests from them due to the sudden exodus of teachers may be coming true . I initially asked the scheduler who the students were , and she told me that they were the kid s heading off for university in the States . Over the years , I 've also taught my fair share of those classes , and it 's been a bit of a mixed bag so I replied that I could do the 10 - 12 slot . Perhaps the kids may be a bit more sedate then . Well , I finished off the remaining Fettucine ( otherwise known scientifically as artery - hardening plaque ) and the Japanese pork soup , so I don 't think I 'll be needing any lunch before my class today at 6 . I 've got a bit of shopping and other errands to do , though , which should help burn off some of those abundant calories . I 'm watching some of that Democratic Debate on CNN . For the first time in history , I think Larry King is actually having some trouble moderating his guests , and that 's saying a lot considering he often has that harridan lawyer on the regular show . Well , I finally got to see the much vaunted " Lost In Translation " , the movie that takes place on my turf in the largest city on the planet . Movie Buddy brought over the DVD , and we immediately fired up the player . Nice opening shot of Charlotte 's butt . MB joked about how Scarlett Johannsen managed to find her motivation for that scene . I 've heard views from friends back home . One commented that it was a fascinating trip through the bizarro world of nighttime Tokyo paralleling with Bill Murray 's poignant trip throught a mid - life crisis . Another just stated that he found the flick merely ponderous and self - indulgent . A third friend was straight down the middle . As for me , I thought it was a very nice little movie although I 'm not wholly convinced that it merits Oscar recognition , but it is nice that it has been nominated . I think Bill gave his best performance in his second career as a well - respected actor instead of his early years as the lovable goofball of " Stripes " , " Meatballs " and " Ghostbusters " . In fact , I think he was basically playing himself filled with regret over doing those movies . As a longtime resident of Tokyo , I 've walked through Shinjuku and Shibuya countless numbers of times , but seeing the protagonists look at the strangeness of the neon and concrete of those areas brought back some early memories to me . I could actually relate to some of what they went through . There wasn 't really any local talent involved in the film except for that Matthew Minami fellow . He does exist and he does indeed have that same show on Wednesday nights at 11 : 30 . It was rather surreal seeing it with with Bill as the guest as a special feature on the DVD after having seen it before on real Japanese TV . Actually , Matthew is a character portrayed by the actor / comedian Takashi Fujii . I think the only other comment on a specific scene is the accuracy of the lunacy of filming a Japanese commercial with Hollywood celebs . I wonder if people like Harrison Ford , Richard Gere and Cameron Dias had to go through the same sort of hell for 2 million bucks . Speaking of Diaz , I think Anna Faris did a good job dissing her in the movie . When we finished the movie , MB continued to watch through the extras while I made up that Fettucine Alfredo that the Iconoclast left me . Serving it as a side dish along with some other stuff , I think my stomach and the Astrodome now share something in common . Regardless , I will have to finish the rest of it off tomorrow for breakfast . After dinner , MB was starting to enter sleep mode although he made it through half of " South Park : The Movie " before calling it a night and heading home . Not having seen it before , he did get some laughs out of it . I activated that air cleaner for the first time today . It seems to work OK although I didn 't notice any particular improvement in the room . However , the fact that I didn 't sneeze may augur good news . However , there was a rather unpleasant smell emanating from it , so I just threw in some cinnamon powder to get rid of it . I did some preliminary planning for the kids ' classes on Saturday in the afternoon . I 'm glad I did it then since I 'm not feeling too energetic to do it now . But I will have to think about my schedule tomorrow since I 'll be doing some shopping for that new kid , the Pancake Day next Tuesday and then picking up some of the Pancake Day props from the school . All that before meeting Arwen and Ms . 77 for their first lesson at the Tea Room . And speaking of the Tea Room , I got word from one of the former Tea Room ladies who 's now living in Argentina . She sent me the first photo of her baby daughter . I woke up this morning after a rare lengthy sleep to see my cluttered living room with the Iconoclast 's plastic box of engineering notes esconced under my coffee table , an air cleaner nestled next to my fan and heater . And I remember how clean Movie Buddy 's 1K apartment was last night . Good heavens , the man even hangs out his sink trap to dry . My only saving grace is that he 's lived in his place for little more than a year while I 've been here for nearly ten . That 's a good enough time ( and excuse ) for my place to get filled up . I am very happy for the computer speakers and the mouse . The speakers boom with sound instead of just squeak . And my mouse actually goes where I want it to go . I will have to get accustomed to pinpoint steering again . Well , CNN has been focusing on what could be Mel Gibson 's opus to overlook " Braveheart " . " The Passion of the Christ " opened on Wednesday to much controversy and to some of the greatest marketing ever done for a movie . I 'm definitely not a religious man by any means , but I think what Gibson has done is not stir up a hornet 's nest or open up a Pandora 's Box but to start a huge healthy debate on one of the most seminal events in human history . Considering all of the controversy surrounding the movie , I think it would be rather superficial to even mention future Oscar possibilities , but I think the Academy will probably steer it away from any of the major categories . It would be interesting to see how something like this film would play in this still largely non - Christian nation ( although I think the percentage of practicing Christians in Japan must be over the 1 % mark that has been written in the history books ) . It 's been another windfall day fo rme with the Iconoclast meeting me for the last time before taking off for Hong Kong later today . He brought me some more stuff including an extra futon , and even better , a better mouse and speakers . Also , he gave my old SOTEC a Norton Utilities lookover ; unfortunately , he couldn 't bring back my missing fonts but most of the other problems have been solved . It is nice to be able to have an obedient mouse once again . After my class , I sped off to Nakano to Movie Buddy 's apartment in preparation for his surprise birthday party . DTE was to meet me at the station but she got held up at her student 's dinner party , all the way up on the 35th floor of the Marunouchi Bldg . . . nice place , so she came later . The Curry Master and MB 's girlfriend were there to meet me so we planned out a pretty low - key spread consisting of my bottle of sake , smoked salmon & cream cheese on cracottes , friend chicken and sushi rolls . MB finally came home several minutes later . He didn 't look too surprised which worried The Curry Master a bit , but his girlfriend assured us that MB is not one to wear his emotions on his sleeve . I gave him his present of that Lord of the Rings book . When DTE finally came over , she related to me her frustration about all of the schedule changes and screwups ( she used far more creative language ) at the school this week . I told her that she was now a full - fledged member of the school . I think all of the veterans have had at least a few run - ins with the staff about some inanity . I think that half - glass of sake really liberated me . I was spouting off more off - color jokes than I usually do . But I think I left people relatively unoffended . Well , my Thursday night student canned his class once again . I think this guy is gonna probably fade away pretty soon . As a result , I have no classes so Movie Buddy will be coming over with his better DVD copy of " Lost In Translation " that he is borrowing from Arwen tonight . Speaking of movies , Arwen had to pull out of the Sunday outing because the timing just wasn 't good for her . Maybe Ms . 77 will do the same as well , but the Jazz Buddy will be bringing another classmate of hers instead . And , Movie Buddy will also come out . I therefore sent word to Chip Guy that he can count me in for Sunday brunch . I feel kinda bad for Arwen but at least I 'll see her and 77 on Friday night and then hopefully take them out to Foo Foo . So far , so quiet . I got a call from the Iconoclast a half - hour ago concerning his next arrival . He 'll be trying for the same time of 1400 h . I may be getting some rather bulky stuff such as a futon . I wonder where I 'll be storing some of this stuff . Did a superficial cleaning of the apartment since I don 't foresee us staying at home too long . Plus , mid - week laziness is setting in . And I do have my regular Wednesday nighter before heading off for Movie Buddy 's surprise birthday party . Steady day today . My Tsudanuma class went quite smoothly although I had that little chat with that student who had rejected my proposal to be my guarantor . She said that her husband wouldn 't agree because HE had never met me and didn 't know my character . Again , I will gripe slightly and say that HE could have trusted his wife 's assessment of me . Well , it 's all water under the bridge for me since my uncle has agreed to be my guarantor . The evening classes also went pretty smoothly . I did get th e message out to everyone about Pancake Day next week . It looks like everyone is pretty keen on it , and I was lucky to have have my photos from the first Pancake day with me to show as a promotion . Then , after class I had a powwow with the owner about the plans . The scale will be much smaller than at the main school but I 'll still have to do my shopping for syrup and lug my hotplate once more . Next Tuesday will probably be the easiest Tuesday I 've ever had here since both my private classes will be of a special nature . The Tsudanuma class and I will be off on a field trip to the Edo Museum in Ryogoku , and of course , there is Pancake Day at the juku . It also looks like Movie Buddy 's surprise party plans are getting together . And the plans for the next Movie Buddy outing are being sent out to the pertinent players . Now , it 's just a matter of the responses . If everything works out , I will be able to join Chip Guy and family for brunch on Sunday before meeting up with the rest for " Master and Commander " . Well , that calm and pleasant day didn 't last that long . The wind picked up and the temps dropped by the evening so by the time I got home , most of my wash was on the balcony floor . Mind you , they were nice and dry . I just wonder if any of it flew off to the second floor . My Monday morning student followed up on that potential new student in the form of her sister - in - law . It looks like the initial meeting is set for March 1st . It 'll cut down on my respite but at least I 'll make a bit more money in the process , and it may just curtail me from pulling off any more of those binges that I was guilty of last week . After the class , I went searching for that Canadian bar in Shibuya . My initial foray turned up nothing so I just went for my weekly Big Mac and then went off to Towers to pick up Movie Buddy 's present . . . . the book about the making of The Lord of the Rings trilogy . I think that 's fair recompense for his kind gift of a Star Trek book . After that , I made one more try into the heart of Shibuya and found a couple of forlorn Canadian flags fluttering all the way on the banister of a fourth - floor staircase . I was later to find out from Chip Guy , who had gone there yesterday , that the place was a bit on the smallish side with friendly staff but was still finding its sea legs . Not surprising considering that it 's barely a week old . Then , I headed off to Nihombashi to do a bit of initial shopping for materials for a few of my students . Boy , these things can get really expensive . I mean , I know that I 'll get reimbursed for them but still I 'm sure the clients would appreciate not having to pay so much . I decided to pick up a TOEIC practice book for the Office Lady . There were some books that I wanted to get for my newest , littlest kid on Saturday but I decided to hold that purchase off until later in the week . My night class was OK although one student is simply needing a lot of time for the stuff to sink in . And my other student was pretty tired by the end . Afterwards , the Iconoclast gave me some further foodstuffs and discs which weighed down my already burgeoning load even more . We went off to our usual Monday night haunt of Foo Fool for ramen . I don 't think the Iconoclast noticed but some non - Japanese woman in front of us at the counter was clearly complaining to the stuff about the quality of the ramen . She wasn 't loud about it but she made her point clear to which the staff apologized . I hate to say it , but I was thinking some rather evil thoughts at her such as " How dare you mouth off at them ? " I think part of my slow boil was because of how much I enjoyed the place myself , and also because she was going at it in such a superior holier - than - thou manner . I realize that everyone has the right to criticize a product , especially when that person is paying money for it . . . . and that an individual has his or her own way to criticize : diplomatically or brusquely . I couldn 't even say that she was even brusque . . . just haughty . Mind you , I 've always despised snobs with a passion . Still , the bottom line was that I was not too happy with her . I just hope that she isn 't one of those psychos who regularly haunt such places just to abuse the staff since I 'm planning to bring Arwen and Ms . 77 here on Friday after their first lesson with me . Well , I finally got home . I decided to work on the birthday project for Movie Buddy . The Curry Master and MB 's girl don 't really know any of the teachers so they asked me to see if I could contact anyone . I decided to go through Movie Buddy himself to surrepitiously contact one of his close buddies in the school , DTE . I asked him if I could get her to call me . I was surprised to get a call from her in about 15 minutes . We spent the better part of the hour talkingabout the party and just chatting on various things . She 's always been a good person to talk to . In anycase , I 'm gonna get back to the Curry Master about the addition in the guest list . It 's sunny and warm outside compared to last night 's wind and rain . Hope it stays that way . Looks like there has been a bit of Yakuza warfare . Last week , a gang leader was assassinated which touched off 11 shootings of payback all around the Kanto yesterday . Three bit the bullet . I wonder if I should just be avoiding Shimbashi or Shinjuku for the next little while . Looks like that plan to see " Master and Commander " is starting to take shape . I got a reply from Arwen just now giving her OK for next Sunday . She 'll see if her karaoke buddy will be joining the fray . Skippy and the Swimmer are already game for later that night . Maybe I 'll even give the Jazz Buddy , and certainly the Movie Buddy will be getting the call . Speaking of Movie Buddy , his party venue has been switched to his place . For purely selfish reasons , I would 've preferred the Curry Master 's place since it 's just two stations down from my apartment . However , the Curry Master was trumped by MB 's girlfriend who lives all the way out in the west . I 'm gonna have to get him a present . Very windy today . In fact , I 'm hearing a lot of whistling past my window as I type . I wonder if this is the HARU ICHIBAN ( The First One of the Spring ) , the Japanese equivalent of Canada 's Chinook winds . I couldn 't complain about the temps , though . It was in the high teens which made the winds a lot more bearable . I definitely hit the jackpot in the food sweepstakes . The Iconoclast came over with three big bags of stuff . Along with the bathrobe , the pan , the cutting board and other utensils , I also inherited the fixins for real chai tea , tons of sugar , dried scallops ( good for Chinese soups ) , Kraft Macaroni and Cheese , olive oil , a jar of winter honey , candies , a barrel of iced tea mix , a jug of maple syrup and even ingredients to make Fettucine Alfredo . In a very small act of compensation , I paid for his lunch at the neighbourhood eatery . The Iconoclast gave me a lesson in making chai with the very assorted spices . The stuff certainly put hair on my chest and put the Starbucks ' variety to shame . It would probably kill the ordinary Japanese person . Luckily , the winter honey took the edge off nicely . At the same time , he set off to work on my computer . He marveled at how I could stand using my mouse , a very moody part of my computer . He was able to not only get my Windows Media Player up and running , but we were able to watch Michael Moore 's " Bowling For Columbine " on it . It was definitely a very interesting movie . I think that exchange between Moore and former NRA president Charlton Heston was priceless . Afterwards , we went off to a ramen shop for dinner . Once again , my bad luck with restaurants this year continues . Another favorite restaurant has apparently bit the dust . For many years , I used to frequent this place called Tsukasa for decent ramen . Well , sometime in the last couple of months , it got replaced by a new joint under Chinese management . Since the Iconoclast could speak some Chinese , we were quite lucky although the waitress was perfectly capable in speaking Japanese . The decor was very different and the ramen was OK . It may be worth another shot . Unfortunately , there was one of those loudmouth Japanese rednecks shooting off what little intelligence at another table but we managed to ignore it . As we passed by the domino effect fallen bicycles and the flying traffic cones , The Iconoclast said that he would be dropping by my place on Wednesday to give me some further stuff for safekeeping and eventual transport back to Canada . Speaking of Wednesday , the Curry Master asked if I were doing anything on that night , presumably for Movie Buddy 's birthday party . It was a strange night to be having it but since I don 't have anything for most of Thursday , I said that I could make it out there . Skippy got back to me about catching a movie on the 29th . It looks like she 'll be busy at a seminar until the evening so the movie is out but she and her fellow grad , The Swimmer , would be game for dinner . I 'll take that as a yes . Now , it 's just a matter of finding a good place for dinner .
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Deadline : Sunday at 6 : 00pm MST . You all have 36 hours to create your best work of up to 360 words ( exclusive of title ) and post it into the comments below . Please include your word count ( required ) and Twitter handle if applicable . For complete rules , click here . The winning author and their story will be featured as Wednesday 's Hump - Day Quickie , receive a winner 's page , and be crowned Flash Master of the Week . We rode the subway until dusk . My phone 's battery ran flat from missed calls and texts from work . He knew every station . He talked about the flow of commuters . He said the lines were like arteries - people the lifeblood of the city . I can hear him calling me from down there . Something new already , that fear in his voice . If it weren 't so ironic , I 'd say I feel more alive than I ever did . zevonesque says : January 18 , 2015 at 6 : 33 am Created a fabulous mood which runs all the way through it . Great stuff . - could have done with a squirrel though . Sam is chuckling . Cara hears him gurgle through the baby monitor from downstairs . She 'd rather that than him crying - still , she 'll check on him , in case . Climbing the steep stairs , Cara enters the nursery , casting light into the dim room and cot at the centre . The mobile above it is swaying , casting dark circling shapes onto the white walls . " You creating trouble again ? " Cara says , readjusting the blankets , kicked away from his short legs in his enthusiasm . " That 's your daddy 's influence . Going to sleep now ? Or you 'll be cranky come morning - won 't you , Trouble ? " The boy 's blue eyes are dimming ; drowsy now , as Cara tucks his favoured teddy in , caressing his cheek . It is there at the corner of her vision - brief blur and gone - as she does . Or so she thought ; heart leaping , breath quickening . Looking properly - carefully - she can see nothing is there . " No , " she says , determined , shaking her head . " No , " she repeats , louder . She casts a questing glance about the room , searching the shadows , before she reaches up - stopping the mobile 's dancing limbs mid - swing . Now , they are placid two dimensional again . With morning , she removes it entirely - ignoring Sam 's bellow as she consigns it to the cupboard , boxed . " Mum knows best , " she tells him . " Trust me - I speak from experience . " Cara smiles wryly . Still , by dusk Sam is laughing aloud . Cara hears his delight through the speaker , before taking the stairs at a run . The door is ajar . Throwing it open swiftly Cara sees Sam 's fists pumping - reaching . " No , " she says , shaking her head . " Not now , not ever . " Crouching before her son , she says , " They 're not your friends , you know . " With that , she settles herself into the rocking chair in the corner of the room . " No , " Cara says , protesting . " No ! " she exclaims . The room is innocuous ; devoid of darker shade . She pauses ; swallows . " Trade , " she says quietly . Louder , " Trade ! " She stands , arms crossed , waiting , whilst the pristine walls remain blank - mocking - their brilliance unaffected by the slightest suggestion of blur . ( 360 words ) milambc says : January 18 , 2015 at 5 : 31 am With so few words , you built a steady and growing tension / horror . Quite liked this line , too , " Darkness has fled before morning 's light , leaving the cot 's blankets cold and flat . " Well done . Allie looked in the mirror relatively happy with what she saw ; it was her current favourite outfit ( she knew Bill loved the boots ) . Ready twenty minutes early , some sort of record on this special day . Bill was running ten minutes late , so Allie had more time to think about things . She knew what she was going to say , it was just a question of presentation . No makeup required . She pushed down the front of her skirt getting the lines perfect . Allie heard the bell and Bill letting himself in ; she took a deep breath . In the mirror she decided that she was in the wrong outfit and perhaps Bill 's favourite boots weren 't appropriate - but it was too late . Quick adjustments : time to get it done . She began ascending the narrow stairs to the living room . They looked longer , darker than usual . The top of the stairs were quiet and dimly lit , Bill hadn 't put the TV on ; all about the question . She was sure Bill would hear her thumping heart from the sofa . The practicing - each careful word - disappeared with each laborious stair . She slowed her breathing . " Of course , " Allie said , straightening herself up . " I 've given it much thought . I 'll just get it straight out . " She looked at the carpet , noticing fluff balled by the chair leg . milambc says : January 18 , 2015 at 6 : 15 am Damn , that one stung . And tossed me for a loop . Wasn 't expecting that . Nice ! Foy says : January 18 , 2015 at 6 : 44 am " instant tastelessness " so , so apt . Coffee should never be instant . I like the story too ! zevonesque says : January 19 , 2015 at 9 : 17 am Glad you liked it . She should definitely had the wrong boots on though . milambc says : January 18 , 2015 at 6 : 12 am Shadow Food ( 360 words ) The dead squirrel wasn 't much of a conversationalist at this point . It just sat there , its back hunched over , head lolled to one side , some blood on its bushy , dead tail . Not say anything . Which was fine for Kennedy . Right now , she needed to think . The ceiling was thin and she could hear the mumbled voices of the teenagers . At least , she suspected they were teenagers given one boy 's barely - ball - dropped pitch . Words sifted down , gradually and settled into her mind , like kerosene . If she could keep her mind lit , ready to ignite an action plan , she 'd make it out of this . Kennedy felt the burn marks on the side of her neck from the stun gun . To her fingertips in the dark , they felt like a vampire 's bite . Except in this case , it wasn 't Brad Pitt with fangs sauntering to her , it was some angsty kids likely hopped up on meth . Or heroin . She wasn 't sure what kids were putting in their noses these days . Or asses . She 'd heard about that , too , from Don Lindsay of Channel 9 . Then she saw it . A few feet from the dead squirrel was a brick pile covered by a tarp . As if someone had started building something down here and tired of it . She picked up a brick from under the tarp . It felt heavy and dirty in her hand . Adrenaline flooded her veins in torrents . " This is a live grenade for those fuckers , squirrel , " she said to the dead squirrel . He / she didn 't say anything . With the feet of a would - be ballerina , she tip - toed up the stairs , keeping to the sides to avoid any creaks . The darkness of the stairway seemed to swallow all of her gumption and spit it back at her ; glop dripped from her hair , face and the would - be weapon of mass teenage destruction . " Why didn 't you back me up ? " Kennedy said in desperate breaths to the dead squirrel . The doorknob turned . In the subways . They rise from the tunnels of darkness , up the stairs and into the light of life . They clutch their Prada handbags like they are the forbidden fruit of Eden . They move silently through the shoals , the city - dwellers , the religious extremists of a different kind . Like bioluminescent fish , we swarm the streets with faces mood - lit in the spectrum of the latest emoto - tech . Stay away from me , come to me , I 'm enigmatic and mysterious our mood - colours say . But the Silhouettes can see us no more than an earthworm can comprehend string theory . In the fields , the Silhouette people of bloodlust persuasion leave pink carpets of bovine entrails and bones . The snipers enjoy the practice once a year . The authorities call it containment , the snipers simply call it fun . Sometimes they just sit there and breathe . They suck the recycled air of all that ever lived into their expanding new - born - lungs . They just breathe . Catherine Connolly says : January 18 , 2015 at 7 : 08 am Great take again this week , Mark ! Beautiful use of language and an intriguing concept . Well done ! " Momma , come and play ! " I 'd beg her daily . She didn 't , of course . She couldn 't . She was always smothered by her own shadow , the sunshine always behind her . Too far back to reach her , too bright for her to turn around and face it . I tried to make her happy . I 'd show her every last one of my crayon dreams - of the nice house we would live in one day ; of the flowers that would grow in the garden . Once , I even drew a daddy , coming up the garden path with a bright yellow sun in the sky . I was just seventeen when I walked into our bedsit and found a body on the floor , the shape that it made there matching the dark outline I loved so well . Finally exposed to the cold light of day she was a blue shade of grey , streaked and spattered with orange . Sunlight bounced like diamonds off the bottle in her hand , and her eyes were like glass . Well , you are very sweet . A real find . Yes , you are . The way your lips are quivering , now ; the way you shudder at my touch . And oh , how close you held me , when those pretty arms were free to move ! But you see , it 's perfection that I 'm looking for . And the pinkness of your cheeks , the incessant trickling of your eyes … no , no . No . That 's just not perfect . I 've seen with my own eyes that perfection is colourless . Featureless . And stained dirt - black with shadows . Oh , hush now - don 't you worry . No need to squirm and fret . You 'll be pretty as a crayon picture when I 'm done . I 'm going to have you hovering like an angel above the stairs , with the light from the cellar doorway straining down to reach you . And you 'll look just like my beautiful , perfect mother . Foy says : January 18 , 2015 at 11 : 43 am This is incredible , Jacki . So unexpected yet fitting knife and sheath with the prompt . Chilling ! " We come in peace , " they said . I had to shoo the dogs away , they were so excited , barking and wagging their tails . They usually don 't like strangers . There were two of them , a man , a woman . Yes , they were almost how I imagined they would be , so civilized and refined . Their eyes were golden - green , pupils with slits like moons . They said their names were Aram and Nareen . They were just stopping for repairs , some problem with the navigation system on the FTL Drive . I had no idea what that was . Of course , the hardware store wasn 't open , and they didn 't want to stay overnight . My late husband , Ed , had tools in the basement , along with his ham radio set - up , which I hadn 't gotten around to packing up , yet . You know how it is . You look at the stuff , and you don 't know what to do with it . " Do you mind if I use the radio , " the tall one , Aram , asked me , and I figured Ed wouldn 't mind . I had no idea how it worked , but they had it up and running in no time , sending out an SOS or something in their language . There was no response . " We 're supposed to be on our honeymoon , " Nareen said . " We wanted to see the Northern Lights , the volcanoes , Mount Fuji . Your world is a beautiful place , but it 's kind of out of the way . Now we 're stuck here . " " This life is not so bad , " I said . " You can stay here as long as you want . But I have a favor to ask you . A ride in your ship , when it 's fixed . " " Tell me what ? What ? " he screams back in his mind , choosing to focus on this moment instead of the one that follows . The one that makes him want to scream at her to go back down the stairs , to throw his body in front of her glowing , projected form so that maybe this time he will take the bullets instead of her . He pushes play . The first bullet hits her right shoulder , whipping her body back viciously , her hair finally flying away from her face but now her eyes are wide and her mouth twisted . No hint of what she had been thinking before . Their top of the line security system offers none of the help he had imagined . The recorded projection standing in his living room behind him now is a generic human form with a black mask and gloves . The intruder was as ghostly then as he is now . Degradation and sordid neglect oozed from the walls . Careless laughs echoed from the rooms at the top of the stairs , excruciating in their falseness . This was a place of forgetting , an oubliette for those unfortunate enough to have no options . No job , no money ; no hope . Svetlana swallowed bile and clutched her cheap knock - off handbag . It was this or the streets . At least here she had a roof over her head and the promise of food in the morning . If she was lucky there might even be money . Maybe if she was extra good , smiled a lot and made the guy feel like he was rocking her world , he might tip her extra before leaving the room . That way she could hide the cash from Romana and avoid paying her the fifty percent she demanded . Being the Madam had its perks . Even a little extra money in her purse could make all the difference . Svetlana 's mother , far away in Vladivostok , alone and freezing for half the year , was depending on her . Leaving Russia had been a hard decision to make but what choice had Svetlana had ? Failing the exam for the Bolshoi once was bad enough , six times was soul destroying . She was never destined to dance . Greatness belonged to others far prettier and more talented than her . Tears stung her eyes as she paused at the foot of the stairs . From dreams of dancing as Juliet had come the ruin of life as a prostitute . Romeo wasn 't waiting for her . The man in the room upstairs was probably fat and ugly . How the mighty were fallen . Breathing hard , Svetlana rose up onto her tiptoes . The grubby brothel walls melted away and she was dancing in Moscow , flying across the stage . With seven steps to go I stop . I can see across the landing , I can see him standing there . Scruffy boots , faded jeans and that tacky leather jacket . They must have let him out and now the bastard has come back . It takes every ounce of courage to move my right foot and carry on up . Four steps to go . I think about turning around and running but where would I go ? Because of him I have no friends , no family . I 'm alone in this city . Three steps to go and the butterflies suddenly begin to fade . I have a new feeling taking over now . The fear drains away and rage floods in to fill the void . I won 't let him ruin me . Two steps to go and I let out a little cough to get his attention . He turns around with that charming smile that I once fell for . Never again though , not now that I know the monster that lurks behind that mask . Her breathing was fast and irregular . She prayed it wasn 't as loud as it sounded . She was trying to be her normal self , invisable . No one ever acknowledged her , spoke to her , looked at her in all her years living here . But today someone would see her . Someone would remember her and she 'd be on tomorrow 's six o ' clock news . If she didn 't do it now she 'd never have the courage again . She was sitting on a frayed , dirty old armchair sipping Guiness from a chipped mug . At the top of the second set of stairs an arm had shot out of an opened door and she 'd been pulled inside . For an old man he had suprising strength . Later on that evening he 'd tell her about working on the building sites , out in all weathers and how rain never made a man rusty . That had made her smile , well a tiny smile , the old man noticed . He thought she was his home help , or the woman from the social , or an angel come to save him from what he 'd planned next . He was invisible but today someone would see him . Someone would remember him and he 'd be on tomorrow 's six o ' clock news . She felt the knife in her coat pocket . It would be so easy to spill blood here . He looked at the knife on the kitchen table . It would be so easy to spill blood here . They talked for hours , visable for once . She felt a bit heady from the Guiness , she told him her name was Collette , from Letterkenny in County Donegal . She wasn 't . He told her he was called Joseph from South London . He wasn 't . They hid their secrets well . They didn 't tell each other of their plans nor past deeds . Tomorrow they would return to wear their cloaks of invisability trying to keep their blood lust under restraint for another day . mariemck1 says : January 18 , 2015 at 2 : 17 pm The stairs are her wings helping her rise from the dirt and grime of bedsit brown . She flutters at the top deciding in what direction she should take herself . Once away from the mouth of the stairs - that will devour her whole on her return - she can go anywhere that 's free . She 's made an appearance in crisp , white shirt ( sink washed each night ) and spit - shined shoes . She is anyone . Street - level luxury : free to wander by the churches or green paths until the cold , night air turns her away . Then , she 'll head to late opening stores where eventually , she 'll be swept out the doors . " Tricks and Tarts " " Fuck . Me . " Desiree muttered , triple checking the address . This was it . A sign , hung over the door like a corpse , read " Bookends " in weathered lettering . It screamed " serial killer residence " louder than " bookstore . " Shielding her chest with Guccii - Chinatown 's off - brand - couldn 't stop the shiver that crawled from the base of her skull down her spine . She gripped the knob , icy against her skin , and pushed inside . " You better be worth this . " Henry Kempf had never wished his wife dead . Sometimes though he preferred the persistent clucking of the clock 's tongue than that of Beatrice 's . It ticked 9 : 27p . m . , reminding him it was 2 hours past closing . Lamp light caressed the bindings , reflecting the care Henry gave them . He scratched initials next to the title of the last book borrowed : " Returned . HC " - he froze , pen poised on the tail of the " K " as the third step moaned . " I don 't know why . Clearly , you can 't read . Sign says we 're closed . " Henry disliked wasting words , and bush - beating squandered all of them . Her ruby mouth shot into an oval as penciled eyebrows dove downward . " Alright , listen . " She straightened and her mahogany eyes swept the room . They were alone . " What I 'm about to tell you , you can 't tell no one . " " I don 't need to take this ! " She snatched her bag like a weapon and marched her infinite legs toward the stairs . At the top , she turned . " I don 't know why your old lady is afraid you 're banging hookers . You 're too cold blooded . " " To the ends of the earth , " you say . The glow of your eyes burns like my father 's sun - chariot . As the king settles the ring of daisies around us and the mountain roars its approval , for a moment I almost believe you . You have written me a song . At least , you say it 's for me . Your fingers strum the lyre expertly as you circle the glen . My sister - nymphs faint as your golden voice caresses their ears . Tears glisten even on the cheeks of the gods ; your music is too pure for it to be an act . Why , then , does your glance seek everyone else 's eyes ? I am not completely unnoticed , however . You are serenading the queen and do not hear your friend 's low , hungry song . Your sparking eyes devour the banquet , the gifts , and do not see me flee . You do not see me trip on my wedding gown and plummet into the vipers ' nest . You are not there as they strike again Then your song bursts like a bonfire in the darkness . You have done the unthinkable : unwilling to surrender your power , you have come here a living soul . Your warm fingers are dancing across your lyre . " You cannot have her , " says Death . His hand on mine is cool but firm . If not for laundry day , she would have died along with everyone else in her apartment . She remembered the buzz of the dryer , the scent of fabric softener , and the feel of warm cotton . Then the lights flickered out . The concrete floor shook her off her feet . Plaster dust filled her nose . And from up the stairs , the thud of the heavy door swinging shut . She woke within a red dungeon . Emergency lights lit the stairwell , and little else . For the first time , she noticed the sign on the laundry room door : three yellow triangles , and barely visible beneath decades of grime , the words " Fallout Shelter " . Her phone and the lights were dead . The heavy steel door to the basement laundry room was jammed shut . Throat hoarse from shouting , she slumped against the cold cinder block wall at the foot of the stairs and counted . One Mississippi . Two Mississippi . Three Mississippi . Thousands of Mississippis blurred together . After an eternity , the dim red lights faded to black . From time to time , she crawled through the darkness . No food , no water : only laundry supplies filled the basement racks . When she slept atop a pile of her clothes , nightmares of death and torment haunted her . Her friends ' voices screamed out to her in the darkness . Their faces appeared in front of her , gaunt , skeletal , irradiated . Hallucinations of familiar old haunts taunted her , then collapsed in a blazing inferno . When she awoke , darkness pressed against her eyeballs . Uncountable years passed . Surely she was dead ? One day she awoke to find the door standing open . A river of white light poured down the stairwell . She stared uncomprehendingly up the stairwell , bathing in the glory of the light . What awaited her at the top of the stairs ? Had everyone been killed ? Did her city lie in smoldering ruins ? Was she dead , and on her way to eternal bliss ? After an age , she found the strength to stand . Step by step she ascended , not knowing if Heaven or Hell awaited . Either way , it was an escape . The Light at the Top of the Stairs | FTL Pizza says : January 18 , 2015 at 6 : 05 pm [ … ] for the Flash Frenzy round 51 contest . It 's a little rushed , but I think I made it in before the deadline . The prompt is [ … ] Of cats and Flashdogs | welcome to veridian says : January 27 , 2015 at 10 : 48 am [ … ] Shakes - " Blood from the Start . " This is a story that flows [ … ]
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I feel like there is much to be learned from the theories of NH , but not necessarily from each and every " game " . I do like some good ground work before mounting up , especially in my horse that is so much like Lester , it isn 't even funny . But then I also think there is much to be learned in the theories of the " old school " methods too . I sort of feel like there is knowledge to be gained everywhere , whether it be what to do , or what not to do . As each horse is an individual , so must be the training methods used on each horse . With all that being said , I am so new to this , and a few years ago , I probably was one of those middle aged women who thought that I needed to be friends with my horse in order for him to love me . Oddly enough it was a student of Dennis Reis 's who taught me about boundaries , about " I can touch you but you can 't touch me unless I invite you too " , and that if " I can 't ride him from the ground , I will not be able to ride him from his back . " This has proven to be quite true with this particular horse . He was a run away freight train with so much baggage it was hard to even get through to him . He is coming around now , sometimes we have little relapses , but the seem to be fewer and further between . He accepts me as the leader , he looks to me to keep him safe , and he knows that when I say " move this way or that way " he darn sure better do it . The funny thing is that the stronger leader I become , the closer he wants to be to me . It is pretty cool . Like I said , I don 't know much , but I know what seems to be working for me and my crazy paint . September 4 , 2013 at 8 : 59 AM Cindy D - - I certainly can agree to the fact that each horse is an individual , and what works for one won 't always work with another . And I also agree that the stronger a leader we are with our horses , the more they like us . This has sure been true with my Sunny . Thanks for the comment . September 4 , 2013 at 9 : 03 AM My OTTB has , at age 19 , been diagnosed with ulcers . When I got him ( he was four and a half ) he was a " Lester " - - fine for awhile and then OMG . He pulled this OMG stuff ( backing up , semi - rearing , and falling over backward ) several weeks ago at a riding clinic . I just took him home to tend to his scrapes and wounds . Next day , vet appointment , and today after two weeks - plus on Omeprazole powder ( which he won 't eat ; I have to drench him ) , he is much better . It is odd how our horses try to tell us things that we don 't " hear ' - - my fear with the NH business is that people are so busy " making friends " with their horses they aren 't looking at the BIG picture which is , basically , that the horse looks to us as alpha and pressure of ANY kind can create the OMG reaction that can result in disaster . You did the right thing by Lester and he has thrived because of it . I am trying to do the right thing by MY old man ; and he is better for it today , certainly , than he was three weeks ago . TBDancer - - We never looked into physical issues with Lester - - because he never showed signs of pain and / or discomfort . Perhaps we should have . But he is a sound , happy riding horse in his 20 's , which argues that he was / is OK physically . Good luck with your horse - - I hope things improve . One of the tenents of Parelli is training a horse without force or fear . I think a lot of newer horse owners take this idea a little too closely to heart and end up letting their horses get away with murder . I 've had several parelli horses given to me that were completely ok with walking all over me , charging past me , stepping on my feet , nipping etc . It was a rude awakening for these horses when I used ( mild ) force to keep them out of my space . If the horse bites me I will smack their nose . If they try to charge out of their stall I have no problems using a crop to the chest to back them away from the door . My little parelli ponies were surprised at first , but within a day or two they had a pretty good understanding of my boundaries and I usually gained more respect from them for it . Once I get my boundaries and the subsequent respect the training usually flows smoothly . I 've had two horses that have been carried saddles for two years but no one ever threw a leg over . They were labeled as " spooky " or " too advanced " . All they really needed was boundaries and wet saddle blankets . To be fair , I 've met one advanced Parelli practitioner . Her horses were amazingly trained and could do fun stuff like bow and self load in the trailer . Unlike most parelli disciples she 'd been riding for 18 years before she started Parelli . September 4 , 2013 at 9 : 45 AM Anon - - Yes , that has been my experience ( limited as it is ) and perception , too . No ground manners and seldom actually ridden . And I would cope with such stuff exactly as you did . I am a huge fan of the wet saddle blankets approach to horse training . But I 'm not sure if the problem in these horses is the NH method or just that the owner / handler is inexperienced with horses . The idea that an experienced NH practitioner CAN do amazing things with horses intrigues me . I love some aspects of NH - ground games in particular . However , from there , I find it hard to translate the successful ground work into successful under saddle work . So , I personally combine the two . Additionally , I 'm not afraid to give my horses the 3 - seconds of insanity if they do something really naughty ( biting was my 3yos favorite game until I went 3 seconds of crazy on his sorry baby butt after a not - so - nice nibble - as in I got " big " and loud and backed him up until he knew better ! He doesn 't bite me now , but he has tried it on a few others , naughty boy ! ) I expect my horses to keep an ear and an eye on me at all times on the ground , to give to pressure ( move away from a touch , etc ) and to do what I say , when I say it . But I think that those are just good , solid , horsemanship skills any way you look at it . I do other , non - NH things as well , such as lunging w / a surcingle and side reins , long lining , and sometimes just a bunch of wet saddle pads . I had sent 1 horse out to a NH trainer in the past , once , and that horse ended up trying to kill every human she met after that . Whereas my friend sent a horse to the same trainer , and her horse is still an amazing horse . So , what I always tell people is that I take the things that work for ME from each training method and use those . As long as they work , don 't hurt the horse , and don 't leave any gaps in the training , then who cares what the " label " is on the training method . I do know of an NH trainer who does very good work with his horses - and perhaps many of them do , but only one that I can personally vouch for . I think , as many people have commented , the problem is that horse owners with no previous knowledge go to a few clinics and then try it out at home . Even if you 've been around horses for awhile , you may not always know why the trainer did a particular thing in order to get the reaction they did . You also may not have that instinct that comes with experience . My trainer can see / feel in a nanosecond whether a horse is going to be obedient or not . It takes me a wrong step to ask myself if it was a wrong step , and if it was my fault , and what I should do about it , etc . By that time , the " team " of me and my horse has fallen apart . I have two horses , mom and son , and they are night and day . Mom is a cuddly horse , very easy for ground work , but gets spooked fairly easily and if you get stiff on her back , she gets fast and jiggy and even more easily spooked . Her son is a mouthy , boundary - ignoring PITA on the ground , but very smooth and easy going under saddle . Not much bugs him . I can 't treat them the same way . I use a trainer . She is not into the NH methods , but she is not a harsh whipping / beating / breaking machine either . She simply makes it more pleasant for the horse to do it right . And for me , she makes certain I understand why she is directing me to do things , so that I am ( hopefully ) not one of those people tugging and kicking at a horse who is already soft , cooperative , and collected . My experiences with Parelli and NH trainers have been less than productive . But none of the trainers have been in the UPPER levels of Parelli / NH either . They were ( IMO ) wanna - be 's and from what I can see they missed the entire point . I boarded at a facility that had a NH trainer boarding there as well . By the time she left all I could think of to say about Parelli was . . . Those of us who can ride , do ride , those that can 't ride , do Parelli . Watching her give lessons was silly . In an hour long lesson half the group didn 't get mounted until the last 15 minutes of the lesson and the rest were told the horses weren 't ready to be ridden . . . after 45 minutes playing games ? ? ? Silly . I do think ( like many other methods ) there is good and bad with the NH . You just have to pick out what works and leave the rest . With the NH movement around , people are afraid to say that they smacked , whacked or ? ? ? a horse that was being pushy or has bad ground manners . They have this mind set that the horse needs to be treated like a human and kindness , patience and reasoning will fix the issues . That if they can 't get things done that way , they are less of a horsemen . That isn 't very NATURAL to a horse . And I would be willing to be it you watched some of the back side of all this NH training - you would see that it isn 't all hearts and flowers . Stephanie - - Good points . And I , too , picked things that worked for me that I learned from different trainers and systems and avoided what didn 't work , so I hear you on that one . It isn 't as though we MUST adhere to one training system or another . Gayle - - Great description of what sounds like a fine trainer . And its so true about horses being different and that what works for one does not work for another . kel - - Those have been my perceptions , too . But I am interested to hear if others who have been around truly accomplished NH trainers have had a vastly different experience . I have been involved in many equine disciplines and seen a wide range of training methods . I have taken what seems to work and makes sense to me and morphed it into my system . I have seen good and bad in all disciplines and probably learned as much from the bad as the good . As in no way in hell would I ever do that . In all these disciplines I have seen people using NH training or techniques , but not very successfully . As others have said , the horses all were pushy at best and obnoxious or dangerous at worst . I 'm sure there are good NH trainers that understand the system and get good results , but all I have ever personally seen are train wrecks . Not all of these horses were trained using the Parelli method , some John Lyons , some Buck , some Monty Roberts , it seems Parelli just has the worst reputation . From what I have seen , you have to be an excellent horseman to start with to make progress with the NH training . People that couldn 't get good results with more traditional training don 't get good results with NH either . The NH gurus and their top protégés get the amazing results with most horses and the rest are a crap shoot at best . Some good minded horses turn out okay and then there are a whole lot of confused , messed up horses . Those are the horses that most of us see or hear horror stories about , so it 's no wonder NH has such a bad reputation outside of their devotees . Jan - - Well , I guess I could say that about traditional training methods , too , wouldn 't you say ? You have to be a good horseman to get good results . I have sure seen a lot of abuse using traditional methods . But the NH stuff has definitely got the ( deserved or not ) reputation for the pushy , disrespectful horses that aren 't actually used for riding to speak of . So here 's a question . Take a horse like Lester , trained with whatever my mix of traditional horsemanship and just what works for me could be called , who became , by most folks standards , a reasonably broke riding horse ( as long as he wasn 't asked to do stressful , high speed events or be by himself - - on the trail or anywhere else ) . But he could be ridden by anybody , within these parameters . Do you think NH techniques could improve such a horse ? I think that the bottom line is that no ONE method is going to fit ALL horses . It isn 't a one size fits all . It can 't be . NH gets construed into chaos because certain big wig folks within the discipline are master marketers . Being a master marketer of something to make money by no means dictates the ability of that skill to be translated in the proper way . Just because Parelli or Monty or any of them can put out a book and sell DVDs and put on impressive demonstrations does not mean that the way they describe what they 've done , the way they 've chosen to " break it down " into simplicity is going to WORK . Especially for a beginner that may know nothing of horses . All it does in those cases is directly translate into an animal that could get away with murder if it wanted to because its " trainer " doesn 't understand it . There is a fine line between NH and marketing schemes . I 've trained both of my horses with natural horsemanship methods , where natural horsemanship means working with the horses natural behavior . I have never once called something I did a " game " . My horses are both VERY respectable of my space . While the methods of training I 've used are all natural horsemanship of some sort , if you spoke to different big wigs within the NH movement , they 'll give different terminology for certain aspects of what I do . But it all boils down to the same thing in my mind : working within the parameters of the horses ' natural line of thought and instincts . Herds have a leader . Body language is key to the communication of that leader to the others . NH is just gives a horseperson the skillset ( hopefully from a variety of methods within NH ) to achieve leadership and respect from that 1 , 000 + lb . flight animal . So much of it comes back to pressure . Pressure in body language / gestures or physical touch , but pressure all the same . Am I going to dismount my mare when she 's having a spazz attack on the trail ? No . Absolutely not , unless its a situation where I cannot pass safely through an area that I HAVE to get through . But instead of September 4 , 2013 at 1 : 56 PM Liz Stout - - That was well said . The first thing that came up for me was , " but that is what I do . . . I just don 't call it NH . " ( Remember NH - - so called - - came along AFTER I had paid my dues in the horse training world . ) But I certainly use or used those principles you mention to train and get along with my horses . For me , being able to " read " a horse is the big thing . Everything else follows from that . I think the problem with any training ' method ' , particularly NH , Parelli etc is that they are ' sold ' to people as a system but training horses is an art . An art largely composed of feelings . It 's true most experienced horse people go about training systematically , and it looks from the outside like you 're doing the same things in the same order in the same way , but the important work is being done in the horse 's head and no matter how many books on body language you read or classes you audit , the only way to learn to read and project is by doing . People look for shortcuts is what I 'm saying I suppose . And also , I guess , traditional methods use feel and body language and always have , but they aren 't always couched in a manner that makes that clear , which means NH methods can seem less impenetrable if you don 't already have horse body language in your head and instinctive responses . September 4 , 2013 at 2 : 04 PM Yes Laura , I agree that you have to be a good horseman to get good results in traditional training also . I guess I left that thought out of my post . I have a feeling that many traditional and many NH trainers are closer in training philosophy than we think . Different terminology and different ways of approaching it but the result is the same , a solid , respectful horse . That is one thing that bothers me about the big name NH pushers . They show or talk about traditional training as rough " cowboys ' that just get on and buck them out . They don 't acknowledge there is a middle ground , and that middle ground is where most of the horse owners and trainers lie . It doesn 't have to be either / or . Rough / cruel or NH . Horse training has evolved a lot in recent years and for the most part buck ' em out is a thing of the past . FD and Jan - - I agree completely with your comments . Thank you both for putting it so well . I don 't think I can improve on what either of you said . I could go on and on . . . and probably will . . . but will try to restrain myself . There is no such thing as " natural " horsemanship - all horsemanship is unnatural in that it involves interaction of humans with horses - nothing natural in that . It 's an umbrella term that covers a lot of territory , and there are some very good and some very bad trainers who call themselves NH . It 's basically a marketing tag , and fairly meaningless to tell you how someone trains . There are NH trainers who are effective - including in being sure that their horses understand that humans have boundaries - and many who are not . There are NH trainers who use abusive training techniques , including abusive round penning . There are NH trainers who have huge marketing machines and make lots of money roping people into " systems " and " levels " of training . The real origin of NH isn 't the Parellis , it 's Harry Whitney and the Dorrence brothers , none of whom I think used the NH designation . They proceeded from the theory that horses would really like to get along without conflict , and that there was an easier way to get there than traditional training methods , and that this method involved feel , timing and leadership ( not dominance ) from the rider . Nothing about predator / prey or alpha , etc . , etc . - I think most of this stuff about how horses interact with people is bogus . That said , I 'm also not in agreement with the ask / tell / make school of training which is more traditional , and I think horses are deserving of our respect as much as we 're deserving of theirs . There are some things about most " branded " NH trainers that I really dislike - excessive ground work and round penning - ground work has its place but darn it get on that horse and ride - and some punitive stuff that is characterized as " make the wrong thing hard " - they leave out the other half of the Dorrences ' statement which was make the right thing easy , through feel . I see a lot of people get into this " system " where all they do is endless groundwork and they never ride - they get stucSeptember 4 , 2013 at 5 : 21 PM Kate - - The funny thing is that I knew Tom Dorrance and actually practiced and showed cutting horses with / against his wife Margaret . I know Tom Dorrance is sort of an ultimate guru to many people , but here is what I saw : He did have an almost magical way of communicating with horses , but . . . his wife 's horse , trained by his methods , was a sweet and willing mare , but unable to be competitive past the intermediate level . Coming from the point of view I come from now , I would be sympathetic and supportive of this , but in those days I only saw the obvious flaw . That sort of training won 't make a truly competitive horse . And I believe that insight is still quite correct . I could explain why , but don 't want to make such a long comment . If there is enough interest , I will do a post on the subject . At this time in my life , no , longer interested in competition , I have a lot more respect for what Margaret Dorrance 's mare truly was . The bottom line , as you point out and many have said , is that you do have to spend those hours riding the horse . There is no getting out of it . Interesting point about competition . As far as I know Clinton Anderson is the only big name NH guy that competes . He is , or at least was , reining . David and Karen O ' Connor , big in eventing , were using at least some Parelli , but it seemed to be just one of many training tools . I audited one of David 's clinics and he used it to get a horse to jump off a small bank into water . He called it a Parelli technique bit I would say it was just common sense horsemanship . Does anyone know of NH trainers that compete ? September 4 , 2013 at 8 : 19 PM Laura - - I completely agree with you about NH methods and higher level competition . Some of that has to do with the equine temperament capable of performing at that higher level - - those horses most often have a lot of sting , and I don 't think the NH methodology copes well with that temperament in a competitive setting . I also think that someone who is into NH and riding at a higher level is less willing to put their horses through the hard grind it takes to be competitive at those levels . NH methods tend to mellow out that competitive sting . In a non - competitive setting , that 's a good thing . While I don 't call myself a NH person , I do share some attitudes ( mainly about not using a horse up and listening / observing what the horse tells you ) . But I think that aspect is good horsemanship , period . The rest of it . . . heck , I learned a lot of it in 4 - H showmanship . Not all of it , but the bronc mare I had as a teenager was MUCH more respectful after a couple of years of showmanship experience . And showmanship is pretty much about controlling the feet , controlling the attention , and moving the horse with the least amount of pressure while horse respects your space . Pretty much NH - type stuff to me . ( my preference ? The one NH guy who really reasonates with me is Mark Rashid . The others . . . pfui . ) The word natural has been misconstrued by marketing to mean " good " or better than things that are not labeled as natural . Some NH trainers are capitalizing on this trend and it seems to make their students very dismissive of traditional horse training . I get really annoyed when natural devotees turn their noses up at things like bits and saddles with trees . That being said , I am all for listening to my horse and training him based on the application and release of pressure . Good timing is the magic that attracts people to the methods of NH . As many commenters here have stated , timing cannot be learned through a method and I would venture to say that to some degree it cannot be taught . Bad timing can reward the horse for the exact opposite behavior that is desired , especially because horses are always faster than us and better at reading body language . As for the riding part , I do not get the fascination with riding in a rope halter and I do not see how it prepares the rider for riding with a bit . I have also seen the catalogs selling some scary bit and hackamore combinations that I would never in a million years put on my horse and yet they are sold under the guise of being gentle or some how better than " regular " bits . September 5 , 2013 at 4 : 20 AM Mark Rashid , with whom I ride as often as I can - it 's been more than 10 years now - actually rejects the label of NH for what he does , and I would agree , at least in how NH is defined by most of those who do it . He doesn 't agree with the " alpha " , " move the feet " or " respect " aspects of NH , tends to do very little or no groundwork after the initial phases of training and is a lot more about working on the rider - developing their feel and timing - than anything else . He believes in listening to what the horse is telling you and working with that . Some of this overlaps with NH and some doesn 't . Jan , Joyce , Val and Kate - - All really interesting comments . I 've earned a lot from this discussion . I think perhaps we all use elements of Nh without knowing it , and in fact , perhaps all good horsemen do a lot of the same things . For me , its about being able to " read " a horse accurately , being a skilled enough rider / handler to give consistent cues that the horse can understand both from his back and the ground , and always having the clarity that I 'm in charge , with the tools to enforce that ( doesn 't mean I don 't listen to the horse 's wishes and respect who the horse is - - just means that that I remain the boss - - this helps the horse feel safe as well as helps keep me safe ) . Maybe NH and all good training is a lot about this ? Perhaps what I really meant to say is whatever we call it , any sort of effective horse training is composed of certain key elements , and that good horse trainers of all disciplines are skilled in these things . I would venture to add that good horse trainers of all disciplines can really ride . . . and have spent many , many hours on a wide variety of horses . Don 't think its possible to be a good horse trainer without this background . It 's not ' natural ' for a horse to carry a predator species on its back . So we 're starting off from the premise that we 're asking our horses to do something odd . Nor is it especially natural for most horses to compete ( stallions seeking to mate excepted ) , and forming a herd reflects this . So a form of training that reflects the nature of the equine species can 't be expected to generate examples that compete and win at artificial man - made challenges . Equally training aimed at creating winners must of necessity focus on developing equine traits that would be perverse in a ' natural ' horse . One could argue that competition , broadly speaking , isn 't necessarily enriching for the human condition . For my trail horse I 'm looking for a respectful animal that behaves fairly predictably and keeps out of trouble . That means establishing a relationship that fits into the patterns of equine behaviour - which isn 't the same thing as a human imagining that a horse ' likes ' him or her . I try to behave consistently in ways that my horse can process and respond to . I suppose that is ' natural ' insofar as I try to communicate in an equine idiom . September 8 , 2013 at 12 : 48 PM I helped Lester be a better and more confident horse with these principles : make the right thing easy and the wrong thing difficult , approach and retreat ( desensitization ) , deal with it ( flooding ) only if it was safe for him and me and only if I anticipated that he would leave the situation calmer than before , play these on - the - ground games to teach a language of communication , yield to pressure , reward and pressure reinforcement { positive and negative reinforcement ) , rare and judicious punishment , etc . These are all the theories of operant conditioning , classical conditioning and behavioral theory . I know the behavior theory because of my background in veterinary medicine and my knowledge of the NH comes from Parelli and other instructors . The big benefit of NH in my programs is to teach kids and adults that know nothing about horses how horses think and learn , when they are the same as dogs and humans ( we are predators ) and where they differ ( they are prey animals . ) Predators take risks to obtain resources ( food , shelter , access to a mate . ) Predators play like they live - grabbing , pouncing , striving to obtain resources . Unmotivated predators don 't survive and reproduce successfully . Predators learn best from a reward based system . Prey animals avoid risk to stay alive . Flight in fear , defer to leadership , hide in the herd . Yes , they need food , water and reproduction , but at any given moment , these are secondary to survival . A prey animal that ignores danger while looking for the best blade of grass does not live long . Prey animals learn nicely in a pressure avoidance ( negative reinforcement ) training system . Both systems can change the behavior of either predator or prey , it 's just what will work best . So for Lester , I fixed his buddy sour / won 't go out alone like this : rode him to the edge of his comfort zone ( not very far away from the home / herd ) , let him turn , ' bolt ' ( Lester is always controllable , just very agitated and upset ) toward home , rounded a tree or post , walk away from home again to the next tree or poSeptember 8 , 2013 at 9 : 44 PM Thanks , Kerrin , for that explanation . And it does make sense . But I am curious - - can you ( or anybody else ) now take Lester on a solo trail ride ( not just away from the barn , but an hour or two through the hills ) by himself and have him stay calm ? I remember not too very long ago , when we had the Trabing Road fire , you told me that Lester always needed to be within sight of his buddy , Woodrow , or he got upset . And I thought to myself , that 's Lester , all right . If you can actually ride Lester on a solo trail ride of an hour or so with no fretting , then you have really changed him . He would always behave on a trail ride in the company of other horses . And really , when we had him , you could certainly ride from my barn to my riding ring and work him by himself . He was never that barn sour with us , though its possible he got worse in the years when we loaned him to friends . However he always became quite agitated ( though still controlable , as you say ) , when asked to actually leave the property and go for a trail ride by himself . Or when tied out of sight of other horses . If you have fixed this , then I think it is quite impressive . After I worked so hard for a year ' fixing ' Lester I took him to Jack Brook Horse Camp and went on a 3 hour ride alone with him to prove that we could do it . He was just a bit stressed going out for a ways , then was 90 % calm for 2 1 / 2 hours and then the last bit coming home he was anxious again . Ideally I would have turned around at the point where he became anxious again , and retraced our steps 2 1 / 2 hours back but , oh well , I wasn 't that invested in it . So yes and no . If I rode by myself every week , I think he would be fixed . I don 't ride by myself anymore because we have to trailer out and he probably isn 't ' cured . ' But I think he would be if I was still a solo trail rider . September 19 , 2013 at 1 : 17 PM Lester is close to perfect . My sister ( not a rider ) rode off alone on him the last time she was visiting us . I was distracted by a child and when I looked around she and Lester were gone . Only a small distance ( remaining on our property , but still . . . ) When they returned I said " how did that go ? " She said a deer jumped out onto the trail in front of them and Lester was startled but he responded to her rein cue ( remember this was her second ride on him and probably her 5th ride EVER ) and walked quietly back on the trail . Yesterday a new older teenage rider was in the arena with him and she wanted to trot and canter and he would not go faster than a walk unless I had him on a lunge line in a circle around me . Why ? because her seat was quite insecure and he knew it . Later a small but experienced 9 year old rider got on him and he trotted and cantered all over the place no questions asked . Kerrin - - Lester was always good with beginners - - that 's how he ended up getting loaned to Sue for her daughter . It was always amazing to me how much of a babysitter he was with kids or novice riders , despite his , uhm , quirks when it came to pressure or speed ( or solitude ) . So we think he has the perfect place with you , where babysitting young and beginner riders is a lot of his job . And its clear he has only gotten better at it , from all that you tell me . Francesca Prescott lives in Switzerland and spent her childhood longing for a pony . With riding lessons only available to children over the age of twelve , Francesca spent years practicing her rising trot on the back ledge of the sofa , galloping imaginary horses all over the neighborhood , and scribbling pony stories . As an adolescent , a move to the countryside and an encounter with a pony - owning farmer finally made regular riding a reality . Decades later , she 's a dressage enthusiast and the proud owner of Qrac , a 9 year - old Lusitano . Her novel , " Mucho Caliente ! - Wish upon a Latino Superstar " , a romantic comedy set in Ibiza , is available from Amazon . com . The exciting sequel to the Edgar - nominated Shadow Horse , Whirlwind answers readers ' questions : what happened to Whirlwind ? Will Hugh get caught and punished for his crimes ? Does Jas ever find her beloved horse ? Do Chase and Jas ever admit they like each other ? Large pony crossed on QH , perhaps . Said to have come from Mexico via a horse trader . Was originally a team roping heel horse . Age : Somewhere between ten and fifteen . Job description : Trail horse .
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to have to go and dig out some of those said books from my stacks and read more . And probably binge watch my Tudor box set with Jonathan Rhys Meyers as King Henry the VIII ! Anyway , this book is about several people including Queen Elizabeth 's daughter , Anne Isabella Tudor who was the Princess of Wales . There is also Pippa and Matthew , Stephen and Maisie , Kit and other people . I can 't list them all . I read these from the start . Anyway , Queen Elizabeth and her daughter as well as other advisors are preparing for war with Spain . Princess Anabel ( Anne Isabella ) sacrifices herself to be a wife so they can get help from another Kingdom . But lets just say that all works out in the end . And then the evil bastard , Navarro gets Pippa and just does a horrible thing to her and tries to kill her . - - - > EXCERPT < - - - Stephen has seen men whipped before . It was sometimes necessary in a military company . But the thought of his little sister - - lovely , mischievous , generous Pippa - - beneath the lash of a whip made him want to put his hands around Navarro 's through and choke the life out of him . Let us just say that sweet little Navarro got what he deserved . Princess Anabel isn 't afraid to roll heads . < - - - Pun intended . So the battle commences and Queen Elizabeth is recovering at Leeds from an assassin attack . But all works out in the end . It 's sad and good and I just loved it . Like I said though , I need to go back and read the other two from this trilogy and there is one other one ahead of it . I have never read this author 's work about the Tudor dynasty but she did a good violent madness . Follow Gert , a forty year old woman stuck in a six year olds body who has been stuck in the magical world of Fairyland for nearly thirty years . Join her and her giant battle - axe on a delightfully 4 STARS I wouldn 't let kids read this one ! It 's extremely gory and funny to boot ! Poor Gertrude it just a normal little girl playing into her room when she falls into fairyland . She ends up being stuck there for 27 years because she can 't find the key that will lead her home . And she 's not a happy camper ! The 30 's ! The Queen sends all kinds of things her way but it just doesn 't work . I love Gertrude 's sidekick , Larry . He 's supposed to be her guide and he is sarcastic and just plain funny as hell . The ending was great . It 's like Gertrude can 't win for losing and that 's all I 'm going to say ! twelve gorgeously romantic stories set during the festive period , by some of the most talented and exciting YA authors writing today . The stories are filled with the magic of first love and the magic of the holidays . @ goodreads 4 STARS First off this book is gorgeous ! I had to get the UK Edition and I love it so much ! 1 . Midnights ~ Rainbow Rowell ~ 5 / 5I Eve from 2011 - 2014 . Mags first met Noel on New Year 's Eve 2011 where she saved him an allergic reaction from not eating snacks with nuts in them . And they became best friends . But every New 's Years Eve from there girl . . . . until 2014 - her dream finally came true . There are more revelations and I 'm not going to say what led up to anything , but this story was so good . I just loved it . I loved both of the characters and their chemistry together ! And this wasn 't even a long story as opposed to some of the other ones . 2 . The Lady and the Fox ~ Kelly Link ~ 3 / 5This a bit of time when it snows , Miranda meets this boy named Fenny in the gardens . He only has until the snow stops falling to be with her . He is apparently trapped by some snow witch or something . And no , they don 't really explain why he is trapped . Needless to say Miranda saves him and I is a sweet story about a boy named Shy who is watching his bosses apartment for Christmas . Well , rather he 's watching the cat . But this boss didn 't give him any money before he left and there is no food but maybe a few yogurts and random small things . Shy is starving but he won 't try to go out and get help . Haley is a girl in another apartment that needs to use his shower . They become friends but he doesn 't tell her he 's starving . I mean I wanted to smack him several times . But I digress . Haley finds out on her own that he has no food and and now that she is older she wants to find him . Especially since humans and elves can 't be together and the crush she has on Flynn the elf isn 't going to work out . I thought the ending was sweet and cute . 5 . It 's A Yuletide Miracle , Charlie Brown ~ Stephanie Perkins ~ 5 / 5This is a wonderful story about Marigold and North . Marigold wants to use North 's voice on her Youtube channel . She does animations and that 's what she wants to do for a living with one of the big companies . North try to get one so she can talk to him . She asks for a Charlie Brown tree , it 's so sweet ♥ North ends up taking the tree to her apartment and then helps her clear a space since there is so much clutter . This ends up taking so many hours and they talk and talk . Marigold finally admits her scheme and other nice things happen . That 's all I 'm saying ♥ 6 . Your Temporary Santa ~ David Levithan ~ 2 / 57 . Krampuslauf ~ Holly Black ~ 2 / 58 . What The Hell Have You Done , Sophie Roth ? ~ Gayle Forman ~ 2 / 59 . Beer Buckets and Baby Jesus ~ Myra McEntire ~ 3 / 5This one was okay . You have Vaughn who is the town prankster . I was the guy who taught other kids how to egg houses , roll yards , and glue mailboxes shut . And the older I got , the more elaborate my pranks became . In middle school , I filled the clinic with Styrofoam peanuts . Last year , my junior year of high school , I decorated the town Christmas tree with neon thong underwear . But one of his little pranks turns bad and he ends up catching the Church on fire . So he 's in trouble for all of that and helping to fix it back up and work on the pageant . He starts talking to Gracie Robinson and they seem to click and lives in this small town and works at the diner for her mother and her mother 's boyfriend Rick . Maria hates it and wants to get out of town as soon as she can . She 's not sure how since she can 't afford college and she can 't afford much of anything else . Then when they replace the old cook that passed with the new cook Ben . . . things become sort of magical . Ben has a way of know what to feed people no matter what they order and it 's awesome . They find a little magic together as well and the ending is sweet with Maria 's dreams coming true . Even dreams she didn 't know she had . 11 . Star of Bethlehem ~ Ally Carter ~ 2 / 512 . The Girl Who Woke The Dreamer ~ Laini Taylor ~ 2 / 5Overall I enjoyed the book and some really sweet stories ! I actually got this UK edition through Abe Books because Book Depository didn 't have it . Unfortunately it was supposed to be new but I could clearly see it was used but I still loved it . Just no more buying from Abe books for me . herself . Her few friends and neighbors know she works at the local biker bar ; they know she gets arrested for public drunkenness almost every night ; they know she 's brash , funny , and fearless . What they don 't know is that Freedom Oliver is a fake name . They don 't know that she was arrested for killing her husband , a cop , twenty years ago . They don 't know she put her two kids up for adoption . They don 't know that she 's now in witness protection , regretting ever making a deal with at her : her husband 's vengeful , sadistic family ; her brief , terrifying stint in prison ; and the family she chose to adopt her kids who are keeping dangerous secrets . Written with a ferocious wit and a breakneck pace , Freedom 's Child is a thrilling , emotional portrait of a woman who risks everything to make amends for a past that haunts her still . @ goodreads MY REVIEW : you ever heard your soul snap in two ? Have you ever cried for so long that you find yourself on the verge of fainting ? Have you ever clawed at screamed so loud that there was no noise at all , your windpipes simply failing you under the pressure ? The reaction of a woman kneeling on the several graves of her one daughter . I scare away the ghosts of the Thoroughbreds . I scare away anything that dares to haunt this field . And in a way that I cannot explain , I 've never felt more alive . In my own daughter 's death , I never felt so much more alive than this . Because smart girl that would have went far . But she got in with the Delaney family and her time for all the goodness ended . Her name now is Freedom Oliver because she is in the witness protection program . She killed her husband , she 's a drunk , she had to give up her kids , she wants to kill herself a lot of the time , she works in a tough bar and she just doesn 't Delaney has been let out of prison after many years and he is coming for Freedom . The Delaney family has several horrible brothers and a horrific mother . There is only one good boy in the bunch and that is Peter . He is disabled in a wheelchair and they do horrible things to him But he is smart and he 's going to help Freedom . Freedom finds out that her daughter is missing . She knows about her kids and who adopted them but they know nothing about her really . When she finds out about her daughter she leaves everything and heads out for the Delaney 's It is funny how they meet though . : - ) - - - > EXCERPTS < - - - " I don 't understand . . . " " Rattlesnake bite . Caught you twice , once in the leg , once in the arm . " " So I wasn 't shot ? " He raises his eyebrows . " Were you expecting to be shot ? " " Well , I certainly wasn 't expecting to be attacked by a rattlesnake and dragged across the desert by an old Indian man . " •••••••••• I wash and get dressed in the bathroom . The rain is dying , the pain is easing . I wrap my money back in rubber bands and splash my face with cold water to get rid of the fuzzy edges of this high before I 'm on my way . On the windowsill are magazines : a Native American newspaper , a Reader 's Digest , a TV guide . Sticking out of the newspaper , probably hiding , next to a Shoshone crossword puzzle , is the corner of an envelope addressed to Deseronto . My nosy @ ss opens it and reads it . Inside is a letter from the county : a final notice from Margefield Properties that because of the 2011 border shift , his property is no longer part of a federal Indian reservation . He owes back taxes of nearly twenty thousand dollars to the state or he will be forced to vacate the premises . I get the feeling his son doesn 't know . I look into the mirror and make my decision . Just like the government ! Well you can imagine what Freedom does and it makes me cry . Freedom does get to finally see her son again , he 's all grown up and Mason , Freedom and Peter do all they can to try to bring down the Delaney 's . I have to say , I never saw any of it coming . I really thought I had it pegged and the author takes it to a whole other level . I will say the evil Delaney 's won 't be evil any more , but there is a lot more evilness going around and it has to come to an end as well . Some really sick , sick people in this book and in real life unfortunately . They all exist out there somewhere ! I really enjoyed the book even though it was sad and some things were hard to handle . There is a happy ending though . * I would like to thank Blogging For Books for a print copy of this book in exchange for my honest review . * Baby Doll by Hollie Overton " What a compulsive read ! A brilliant first novel that kept me transfixed and entertained until the very last page . " - - Tess Gerritsen , New York Times bestselling author of Die Again Escape was just the beginning . Held captive for eight years , Lily has grown from a teenager to an adult in a small basement prison . Her daughter Sky has been a captive her whole life . But one day their captor leaves the deadbolt unlocked . This is what happens next . . . . . . to Lily , to her twin sister , to her mother , to her daughter . . . and to her captor . For fans of Gone Girl and Girl on the Train , BABY DOLL is the most tense thriller you will read this year . @ goodreads MY REVIEW : dead bolt has a very specific sound . Lily was an expert at recognizing certain sounds - - the creak of the floorboards signaling his arrival , the mice scurrying across the concrete in search for food . But Lily always braced herself for the sound of the dead bolt , listening as metal scraped against the metal . The lock as beginning to rust , so it always took him several tries . But inevitably , she would hear the click , the sound that meant they were trapped for another week , another month , another year . But tonight , she heard nothing . Only deafening silence . Hours passed , and she couldn 't stop thinking about the lock . Lily has was taken when she was sixteen by someone that was a prominent person in the community . His name is Rick . He kept her in the basement of his cabin in the woods for eight years . This is where she also gave birth to their child Sky from the multiple rapes from Rick . She suffered a lot of abuse in the little basement . But one time . . . just one time . . he forgets to latch the lock . RUN RUN RUN . . FREE FREE FREE . . . I would be some sick joke . But it was a harsh reality when Lily realized how close to home she actually was and that 's even scarier . The book is told from multiply POVs . You have Lily , Rick ( evil man ) , Eve ( Lily 's Mom ) and Abby ( Lily 's twin sister . ) They all have important parts to play in the book . Abby has pined for her twin sister ever since she was taken . She kept telling people that Lily was still alive and she was right when Lily shows up on the doorstep with Sky . Abby has a very volatile temper . She 's very protective of Lily and she does a very good job in my opinion . But there is one thing that Abby is afraid for Lily to know . She doesn 't want to hurt her . I won 't get into all of that , you can read the book . As you can figure , the family goes through a lot of stuff . They have to face the trial with Rick and let me tell you . . . I did not see that coming . It was so wonderful and maybe I shouldn 't say that but I felt that way . Sometimes people get what they deserve that the justice system just can 't do for themselves . At first I was torn between a three star or what because at first the book did sound similar to another book . But then the book took off in another direction and I really enjoyed it . Okay if I confess the part that turned me around was in the courtroom and what lovely feelings revenge can make you feel against someone that hurts women . There was a great happily ever after as well as their should be in this case . * I would like to thank Netgalley and Redhook Books for a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review . * 3 STARS I 'm not really sure about this book . I loved it toward the end and the beginning but during a lot of the middle it sort of dragged for me . Maybe I just didn 't understand all that was going on . Lissa 's grandmother dies in the beginning of the book . We don 't even get to meet her that way because it starts out with her death . She 's a very powerful witch that has been around for a long time . She has been teaching Lissa spells and leaves her house and everything to her . Lissa and I never could figure out what they were . I thought they might be wolves because of the way they talk about running and being outside . They love the taste of blood so they try to keep themselves tired out and drunk so they won 't get wild . It stated in the book they are not vampires that they are just an old race with powers . Hmmmm . . . maybe I got something wrong . Anyway , so this kin named Maksim always visited Lissa 's grandmother and she gave him sleeping eggs and was supposed to find a cure for him . He doesn 't want to worry about hurting someone but he has turned someone and he needs to get this done quickly . help . There is a way that Lissa can contact her grandmother at certain times and only ask three questions . Lissa had no clue this guy - ish person existed but she finds out about him and agrees to help . There is also another kin named Gus and she has known Maksim for many years and they try to look out for each other . Gus doesn 't like the witches because she is afraid of what they can do but that all works out later on . The guy that Maksim changes is named Nick . They are trying to take care of him too so he doesn 't hurt someone . Basically they run a lot and it 's really sweet . I loved that part . It 's sad though because Lissa 's dad wouldn 't come over to visit her so to hell with him . Like I said , I liked the book good enough I just wish I didn 't feel like I was crazy as a loon at times because I wasn 't sure what in the hell they were talking about . I also wish I really and truly knew what they are besides kin . I mean I googled it but I didn 't get anything from Russian folklore or didn 't type it in correctly . Either way I think a lot of people will enjoy the book a lot and some will like it well enough like me . : - ) * I would like to thank Netgalley and St . Martin 's Press for a copy of this book in exchange for my honests review . * on one of Saturn 's moons rattles Earth 's most powerful citizens - and draws one planet - hopping rogue into a fight he never saw coming . Malcolm Graves lives by two rules : finish the job , and get paid . After thirty years as a collector , chasing bounties and extinguishing rebellions throughout the solar system , Malcolm does what he 's told , takes what he 's earned , and leaves the questions to someone else - especially when it comes to the affairs of offworlders . But his latest mission doesn 't afford him that luxury . After a high - profile bombing on Earth , the men who sign Malcolm 's paychecks are clamoring for answers . Before he can object , the corporation teams him up with a strange new partner who 's more interested in statistics than instinct and ships them both off to Titan , the disputed moon where humans have been living for centuries . Their assignment is to hunt down a group of extremists : Titanborn dissidents who will go to any length to free their home from the tyranny of Earth . Heading into hostile territory , Malcolm will have to use everything he 's learned to stay alive . But he soon realizes that the situation on the ground is much more complex than he anticipated . . . and much more personal . @ goodreads some reason the main character and the book made me think of two things . Malcolm as Mel Gibson in Mad Max and the story line something like Bladerunner and I have no idea why . Malcolm has been a collector for the Pervenio Corp for thirty years . They need something or someone gotten , he goes and gets it . There are a lot of different people out there fighting each other for a lot of different reason . I got the gist of most of it but since I have a tiny brain and some books blow my mind , I might have gotten lost in translation . That being said , we have Malcolm and he 's asked to go on a big mission because some of the other people from other planets set off a bomb on Earth . Now these are all humans , but some live on Mars , the Moon , Saturn , some other places here and there and when they live in these other places , they sort of change . That 's all I can tell you . Malcolm seen his daughter in a few years . So this new partner is named Zhaff and I swear I thought he was a cyborg until they explained some things in the book . He does remind me of lying cat from the Saga books . He can look at someone and saying lying , telling the truth . . . you know . He doesn 't have humor or anything like that either . - - - > EXCERPT < - - - " You do have a family , right ? " I finally asked . " I have biological parents if that is what you are implying ? " " Yeah . " " I do . When my abilities were discovered , I was taken from them to be trained in seclusion . Relationships would have been a distraction . " He was being completely sincere . He stepped off the treadmill and dropped into push - ups . His elbows bent to perfect ninety - degree angles . " Tell me about it . So what are these abilities ? If we 're going to be working together , I 'd rather know something about the man who has my back other than the fact that you 're a planets and moons and stuff . Even if I might not understand what 's going on at all times , it 's just awesome . The reason people live on all of these places is because on Sept . 3 , 2034 , a meteorite hit Earth and killed billions of people . Therefore , many are spread out in different places as well as Earth . And Luna ( our moon ) has the largest ship - manufacturing plant in the entire solar system . Penvernio Corp harvests vital gases on Mars from Saturn if I got that right . And their competitors Venta Co and they mentioned Red Wing Company are trying to say that Jupiter can harvest gases just as good . There is a lot of fighting , politicking , and wow moments in the book . I really 5 STARS OMG ! I had no idea I was going to love this book so much ! I love when I just stumble into one and love it ! Carissa is a cop and she has a lot of spunk . She doesn 't take no lip from anyone . Then she runs into a demon . . . . . . - - - > EXCERPT < - - - She her abdomen . A monstrous shape materialized from the darkened depths . Dark crimson skin covered exposed muscle on his body and bare head . He snarled showing off his chalky razor sharp teeth . It wasn 't the dental work , pointy ears and pig - like nose that set her on edge . No . The reptilian yellow eyes were what ignited her grey matter to the fact he wasn 't human . Fear used its way back up to her heart , sending it into a wild gallop . And thus the story begins as Carissa and her partner are in a warehouse checking on a lead that they really shouldn 't have been there for . Then suddenly there are wolves and one of there is also Kane the werewolf and Xen 's right hand man . There are many more of them of course . Xen tries to put the mind hypno on Carissa and she shuts him down . She doesn 't remember everything but there is something there . She finally gets with Xen through the aide of a a lot of funny lines in the book , they were awesome . There are several sexy scenes in the book with Xen and Carissa and graphically good so you might not want to let your young kids read this book . Also there is a good bit cussing but it 's in greek . Too cool ! I think I might have to say gamato a lot instead of the word it stands for which would be f * ck . The author has a list of words used in the back of the book which is very helpful or I would have been lost ! There on her , but it doesn 't last . He also has opened a portal and they are always fighting the demons he has let out . But in the end , after and teach her . This should be awesome for the next book . I 'm not going to say who her father is but I will leave a picture as a hint . I can 't help myself . He 's bad @ ssed ! * I would like to thank Smith Publicity for a print copy of this book in exchange for my honest review . * survivor is brought in for questioning . FBI agents Victor Hanoverian and Brandon Eddison are tasked with piecing together one of the most stomach - churning cases of their careers . But the girl , known only as Maya , proves to be a puzzle herself . As her story twists and turns , slowly shedding light on life in the Butterfly Garden , Maya reveals old grudges , new saviors , and horrific tales of a man who 'd go to any length to hold beauty captive . But the more she shares , the more the agents have to wonder what she 's still hiding . . . @ goodreads story is about an evil man only known as the Gardener . He has a beautiful garden with a water fall and creek and flowers and butterflies . But he also has other butterflies and they are HIS girls . The girls he takes , preferably at the age of sixteen so he can keep them so he can always see the wings . He is a very different kind of captor , he rapes them and treats them all kindly until he preserves them . It is the strangest book I have ever read about a captor / prisoner situation . That is the reason I gave it 5 stars . This is a book unlike any I have ever read . I have to be careful at reading books about rape . I usually skim over parts if they are too much . In this case the too much comes with the after descriptions and that is performed by the Gardener 's evil son Avery . The Gardener punishes Avery when he hurts a girl too badly or kills her . He banishes him for some time but not forever . I would think he would keep him out of his garden forever . The main character of the story is Maya . She is telling the story of the girls lives to them after the accident saved some of their lives . It 's very macabre and sad . I think this author did a great job at writing a book like I have never read before . Although there is some vindication at the end I wish there was more . I would recommend this book to people that like psychological thrillers because it is just messed up . I love butterflies , but I will look at them a little differently now . GOODREADS REVIEW : comet the colour of blood and flame cuts across the sky . And from the ancient citadel of Dragonstone to the forbidding shores of Winterfell , chaos reigns . Six factions struggle for control of a divided land and the Iron Throne of the Seven Kingdoms , preparing to stake their claims through tempest , turmoil , and war . It is a tale in which brother plots against brother and the dead rise to walk at night . Here a princess masquerades as an orphan boy ; a knight of the mind prepares a poison for Moon to ravage the countryside . Against a backdrop of incest and fratricide , alchemy and murder , victory may go to the men and women possessed of the coldest steel . . . and the coldest hearts . For when kings clash , the whole land trembles . Audacious , inventive , brilliantly imagined , A Clash of Kings is a novel of dazzling beauty and boundless enchantment - a tale of pure excitement you will never forget . 4 STARS I freaking finished it ! I have to admit I have watched , well own the boxsets , of all the shows up to the current one . I can 't watch is because I don 't have HBO ! But I digress . There really isn 't much more that I can say that hasn 't already been said etc and so on . I will just add a few excerpts and some pictures and some thoughts . That stuff . I love Jon Snow scratches on her hands . Septa Mordane wouldn 't even know me . I bet Sansa might , but she 'd pretend not to . " My mother 's a lady , and my sister , but I never was . " " Yes , you were . You were a lord 's daughter and you lived in a castle , didn 't you ? And you . . . gods be good , I never . . . " All of the sudden Gendry seemed uncertain , almost afraid . " All that about cocks , I never should have said that . And I been pissing in front of you and everything , I . . . I beg your pardon , m ' Lady . " I love Arya : - ) There really is no point in loving anyone in these books or shows because they all die ! I found a lot of the book boring and drawn out . I guess when it 's not about the people you really like it 's sort of . . . yawn . I loved how most of the book was about Tyrion . Or it seemed that way to me . I Love Tyrion . Because Tyrion is too cool . and he does this ↓ And Brienne finally arrives on the scene . I love her too : - ) and Bran to therapist tells me I should write you a letter . Like flushing all my thoughts and feelings out of my system and onto paper . I tell her it 's a stupid idea . But here I am , writing a letter to a dead girl . Where do I start ? Where did our story begin ? From the moment you were born . . . or died ? I 'll start with the moment I found out the truth about you . Your lies and my pain . Because it always begins and ends with you . And that end began when Rafe Lawrence came back to town . . . Ava Hale will do anything to find her sister 's killer . . . although she 'll wish she hadn 't . Because the harder Ava looks , the more secrets she uncovers about Kesley , and the more she begins to think that the girl she called sister was a liar . A sneak . A stranger . And Kesley 's murderer could be much closer than she thought . . . A debut novel from Wattpad award - winner Kara Terzis , Frayed is a psychological whodunit that will keep you guessing ! @ goodreads National Park . Our favorite place to go camping was Lake O ' Hara . Remember that time when we sat around the fire while we roasted marshmallows ? You said you loved that place because of the calm , peaceful lake , the way the breeze whispered in the trees , the way we could count the stars in the sky . You told me the lake was beautiful beyond measure . And downfall . . . Ava 's sister Kesley was murdered . They haven 't found her killer . No one has any idea why someone would want to kill her . She was a great person . Ava and Kesley were taken in when they were young by a foster family that adopted them after their parents died . There are secrets there . Terrible secrets . Kesley 's best friend Rafe wasn 't there for her funeral , but he is back in town . Why wasn 't he there ? Could he have killed his best friend . He has known the girls since they were all little kids . But he 's the bad boy . Or is he ? How bad can he be ? Ava wants to stay away from him but she can 't help herself . She likes him , a lot . Ava also has a boyfriend named Jackson who is actually a douche bag . Ava finds out some stuff about him and stays away . But then again . . . Ava finds out things about her sister she can 't hardly believe and then every thing starts to unravel . The Kesley 's killer . And what they find is not what I was thinking at all and it freaked Ava out as well . I loved this book . It was so different . There are a few things that people can probably pick at but for myself I thought it was great . The ending was freaking awesome . Well , not so much for the characters in the book . * I would like to thank Netgalley and Sourcebooks Fire for a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review . * Kate Harker is a girl who isn 't afraid of the dark . She 's a girl who hunts monsters . And she 's good at it . August Flynn is a monster who . . .
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to have to go and dig out some of those said books from my stacks and read more . And probably binge watch my Tudor box set with Jonathan Rhys Meyers as King Henry the VIII ! Anyway , this book is about several people including Queen Elizabeth 's daughter , Anne Isabella Tudor who was the Princess of Wales . There is also Pippa and Matthew , Stephen and Maisie , Kit and other people . I can 't list them all . I read these from the start . Anyway , Queen Elizabeth and her daughter as well as other advisors are preparing for war with Spain . Princess Anabel ( Anne Isabella ) sacrifices herself to be a wife so they can get help from another Kingdom . But lets just say that all works out in the end . And then the evil bastard , Navarro gets Pippa and just does a horrible thing to her and tries to kill her . - - - > EXCERPT < - - - Stephen has seen men whipped before . It was sometimes necessary in a military company . But the thought of his little sister - - lovely , mischievous , generous Pippa - - beneath the lash of a whip made him want to put his hands around Navarro 's through and choke the life out of him . Let us just say that sweet little Navarro got what he deserved . Princess Anabel isn 't afraid to roll heads . < - - - Pun intended . So the battle commences and Queen Elizabeth is recovering at Leeds from an assassin attack . But all works out in the end . It 's sad and good and I just loved it . Like I said though , I need to go back and read the other two from this trilogy and there is one other one ahead of it . I have never read this author 's work about the Tudor dynasty but she did a good violent madness . Follow Gert , a forty year old woman stuck in a six year olds body who has been stuck in the magical world of Fairyland for nearly thirty years . Join her and her giant battle - axe on a delightfully 4 STARS I wouldn 't let kids read this one ! It 's extremely gory and funny to boot ! Poor Gertrude it just a normal little girl playing into her room when she falls into fairyland . She ends up being stuck there for 27 years because she can 't find the key that will lead her home . And she 's not a happy camper ! The 30 's ! The Queen sends all kinds of things her way but it just doesn 't work . I love Gertrude 's sidekick , Larry . He 's supposed to be her guide and he is sarcastic and just plain funny as hell . The ending was great . It 's like Gertrude can 't win for losing and that 's all I 'm going to say ! twelve gorgeously romantic stories set during the festive period , by some of the most talented and exciting YA authors writing today . The stories are filled with the magic of first love and the magic of the holidays . @ goodreads 4 STARS First off this book is gorgeous ! I had to get the UK Edition and I love it so much ! 1 . Midnights ~ Rainbow Rowell ~ 5 / 5I Eve from 2011 - 2014 . Mags first met Noel on New Year 's Eve 2011 where she saved him an allergic reaction from not eating snacks with nuts in them . And they became best friends . But every New 's Years Eve from there girl . . . . until 2014 - her dream finally came true . There are more revelations and I 'm not going to say what led up to anything , but this story was so good . I just loved it . I loved both of the characters and their chemistry together ! And this wasn 't even a long story as opposed to some of the other ones . 2 . The Lady and the Fox ~ Kelly Link ~ 3 / 5This a bit of time when it snows , Miranda meets this boy named Fenny in the gardens . He only has until the snow stops falling to be with her . He is apparently trapped by some snow witch or something . And no , they don 't really explain why he is trapped . Needless to say Miranda saves him and I is a sweet story about a boy named Shy who is watching his bosses apartment for Christmas . Well , rather he 's watching the cat . But this boss didn 't give him any money before he left and there is no food but maybe a few yogurts and random small things . Shy is starving but he won 't try to go out and get help . Haley is a girl in another apartment that needs to use his shower . They become friends but he doesn 't tell her he 's starving . I mean I wanted to smack him several times . But I digress . Haley finds out on her own that he has no food and and now that she is older she wants to find him . Especially since humans and elves can 't be together and the crush she has on Flynn the elf isn 't going to work out . I thought the ending was sweet and cute . 5 . It 's A Yuletide Miracle , Charlie Brown ~ Stephanie Perkins ~ 5 / 5This is a wonderful story about Marigold and North . Marigold wants to use North 's voice on her Youtube channel . She does animations and that 's what she wants to do for a living with one of the big companies . North try to get one so she can talk to him . She asks for a Charlie Brown tree , it 's so sweet ♥ North ends up taking the tree to her apartment and then helps her clear a space since there is so much clutter . This ends up taking so many hours and they talk and talk . Marigold finally admits her scheme and other nice things happen . That 's all I 'm saying ♥ 6 . Your Temporary Santa ~ David Levithan ~ 2 / 57 . Krampuslauf ~ Holly Black ~ 2 / 58 . What The Hell Have You Done , Sophie Roth ? ~ Gayle Forman ~ 2 / 59 . Beer Buckets and Baby Jesus ~ Myra McEntire ~ 3 / 5This one was okay . You have Vaughn who is the town prankster . I was the guy who taught other kids how to egg houses , roll yards , and glue mailboxes shut . And the older I got , the more elaborate my pranks became . In middle school , I filled the clinic with Styrofoam peanuts . Last year , my junior year of high school , I decorated the town Christmas tree with neon thong underwear . But one of his little pranks turns bad and he ends up catching the Church on fire . So he 's in trouble for all of that and helping to fix it back up and work on the pageant . He starts talking to Gracie Robinson and they seem to click and lives in this small town and works at the diner for her mother and her mother 's boyfriend Rick . Maria hates it and wants to get out of town as soon as she can . She 's not sure how since she can 't afford college and she can 't afford much of anything else . Then when they replace the old cook that passed with the new cook Ben . . . things become sort of magical . Ben has a way of know what to feed people no matter what they order and it 's awesome . They find a little magic together as well and the ending is sweet with Maria 's dreams coming true . Even dreams she didn 't know she had . 11 . Star of Bethlehem ~ Ally Carter ~ 2 / 512 . The Girl Who Woke The Dreamer ~ Laini Taylor ~ 2 / 5Overall I enjoyed the book and some really sweet stories ! I actually got this UK edition through Abe Books because Book Depository didn 't have it . Unfortunately it was supposed to be new but I could clearly see it was used but I still loved it . Just no more buying from Abe books for me . herself . Her few friends and neighbors know she works at the local biker bar ; they know she gets arrested for public drunkenness almost every night ; they know she 's brash , funny , and fearless . What they don 't know is that Freedom Oliver is a fake name . They don 't know that she was arrested for killing her husband , a cop , twenty years ago . They don 't know she put her two kids up for adoption . They don 't know that she 's now in witness protection , regretting ever making a deal with at her : her husband 's vengeful , sadistic family ; her brief , terrifying stint in prison ; and the family she chose to adopt her kids who are keeping dangerous secrets . Written with a ferocious wit and a breakneck pace , Freedom 's Child is a thrilling , emotional portrait of a woman who risks everything to make amends for a past that haunts her still . @ goodreads MY REVIEW : you ever heard your soul snap in two ? Have you ever cried for so long that you find yourself on the verge of fainting ? Have you ever clawed at screamed so loud that there was no noise at all , your windpipes simply failing you under the pressure ? The reaction of a woman kneeling on the several graves of her one daughter . I scare away the ghosts of the Thoroughbreds . I scare away anything that dares to haunt this field . And in a way that I cannot explain , I 've never felt more alive . In my own daughter 's death , I never felt so much more alive than this . Because smart girl that would have went far . But she got in with the Delaney family and her time for all the goodness ended . Her name now is Freedom Oliver because she is in the witness protection program . She killed her husband , she 's a drunk , she had to give up her kids , she wants to kill herself a lot of the time , she works in a tough bar and she just doesn 't Delaney has been let out of prison after many years and he is coming for Freedom . The Delaney family has several horrible brothers and a horrific mother . There is only one good boy in the bunch and that is Peter . He is disabled in a wheelchair and they do horrible things to him But he is smart and he 's going to help Freedom . Freedom finds out that her daughter is missing . She knows about her kids and who adopted them but they know nothing about her really . When she finds out about her daughter she leaves everything and heads out for the Delaney 's It is funny how they meet though . : - ) - - - > EXCERPTS < - - - " I don 't understand . . . " " Rattlesnake bite . Caught you twice , once in the leg , once in the arm . " " So I wasn 't shot ? " He raises his eyebrows . " Were you expecting to be shot ? " " Well , I certainly wasn 't expecting to be attacked by a rattlesnake and dragged across the desert by an old Indian man . " •••••••••• I wash and get dressed in the bathroom . The rain is dying , the pain is easing . I wrap my money back in rubber bands and splash my face with cold water to get rid of the fuzzy edges of this high before I 'm on my way . On the windowsill are magazines : a Native American newspaper , a Reader 's Digest , a TV guide . Sticking out of the newspaper , probably hiding , next to a Shoshone crossword puzzle , is the corner of an envelope addressed to Deseronto . My nosy @ ss opens it and reads it . Inside is a letter from the county : a final notice from Margefield Properties that because of the 2011 border shift , his property is no longer part of a federal Indian reservation . He owes back taxes of nearly twenty thousand dollars to the state or he will be forced to vacate the premises . I get the feeling his son doesn 't know . I look into the mirror and make my decision . Just like the government ! Well you can imagine what Freedom does and it makes me cry . Freedom does get to finally see her son again , he 's all grown up and Mason , Freedom and Peter do all they can to try to bring down the Delaney 's . I have to say , I never saw any of it coming . I really thought I had it pegged and the author takes it to a whole other level . I will say the evil Delaney 's won 't be evil any more , but there is a lot more evilness going around and it has to come to an end as well . Some really sick , sick people in this book and in real life unfortunately . They all exist out there somewhere ! I really enjoyed the book even though it was sad and some things were hard to handle . There is a happy ending though . * I would like to thank Blogging For Books for a print copy of this book in exchange for my honest review . * Baby Doll by Hollie Overton " What a compulsive read ! A brilliant first novel that kept me transfixed and entertained until the very last page . " - - Tess Gerritsen , New York Times bestselling author of Die Again Escape was just the beginning . Held captive for eight years , Lily has grown from a teenager to an adult in a small basement prison . Her daughter Sky has been a captive her whole life . But one day their captor leaves the deadbolt unlocked . This is what happens next . . . . . . to Lily , to her twin sister , to her mother , to her daughter . . . and to her captor . For fans of Gone Girl and Girl on the Train , BABY DOLL is the most tense thriller you will read this year . @ goodreads MY REVIEW : dead bolt has a very specific sound . Lily was an expert at recognizing certain sounds - - the creak of the floorboards signaling his arrival , the mice scurrying across the concrete in search for food . But Lily always braced herself for the sound of the dead bolt , listening as metal scraped against the metal . The lock as beginning to rust , so it always took him several tries . But inevitably , she would hear the click , the sound that meant they were trapped for another week , another month , another year . But tonight , she heard nothing . Only deafening silence . Hours passed , and she couldn 't stop thinking about the lock . Lily has was taken when she was sixteen by someone that was a prominent person in the community . His name is Rick . He kept her in the basement of his cabin in the woods for eight years . This is where she also gave birth to their child Sky from the multiple rapes from Rick . She suffered a lot of abuse in the little basement . But one time . . . just one time . . he forgets to latch the lock . RUN RUN RUN . . FREE FREE FREE . . . I would be some sick joke . But it was a harsh reality when Lily realized how close to home she actually was and that 's even scarier . The book is told from multiply POVs . You have Lily , Rick ( evil man ) , Eve ( Lily 's Mom ) and Abby ( Lily 's twin sister . ) They all have important parts to play in the book . Abby has pined for her twin sister ever since she was taken . She kept telling people that Lily was still alive and she was right when Lily shows up on the doorstep with Sky . Abby has a very volatile temper . She 's very protective of Lily and she does a very good job in my opinion . But there is one thing that Abby is afraid for Lily to know . She doesn 't want to hurt her . I won 't get into all of that , you can read the book . As you can figure , the family goes through a lot of stuff . They have to face the trial with Rick and let me tell you . . . I did not see that coming . It was so wonderful and maybe I shouldn 't say that but I felt that way . Sometimes people get what they deserve that the justice system just can 't do for themselves . At first I was torn between a three star or what because at first the book did sound similar to another book . But then the book took off in another direction and I really enjoyed it . Okay if I confess the part that turned me around was in the courtroom and what lovely feelings revenge can make you feel against someone that hurts women . There was a great happily ever after as well as their should be in this case . * I would like to thank Netgalley and Redhook Books for a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review . * 3 STARS I 'm not really sure about this book . I loved it toward the end and the beginning but during a lot of the middle it sort of dragged for me . Maybe I just didn 't understand all that was going on . Lissa 's grandmother dies in the beginning of the book . We don 't even get to meet her that way because it starts out with her death . She 's a very powerful witch that has been around for a long time . She has been teaching Lissa spells and leaves her house and everything to her . Lissa and I never could figure out what they were . I thought they might be wolves because of the way they talk about running and being outside . They love the taste of blood so they try to keep themselves tired out and drunk so they won 't get wild . It stated in the book they are not vampires that they are just an old race with powers . Hmmmm . . . maybe I got something wrong . Anyway , so this kin named Maksim always visited Lissa 's grandmother and she gave him sleeping eggs and was supposed to find a cure for him . He doesn 't want to worry about hurting someone but he has turned someone and he needs to get this done quickly . help . There is a way that Lissa can contact her grandmother at certain times and only ask three questions . Lissa had no clue this guy - ish person existed but she finds out about him and agrees to help . There is also another kin named Gus and she has known Maksim for many years and they try to look out for each other . Gus doesn 't like the witches because she is afraid of what they can do but that all works out later on . The guy that Maksim changes is named Nick . They are trying to take care of him too so he doesn 't hurt someone . Basically they run a lot and it 's really sweet . I loved that part . It 's sad though because Lissa 's dad wouldn 't come over to visit her so to hell with him . Like I said , I liked the book good enough I just wish I didn 't feel like I was crazy as a loon at times because I wasn 't sure what in the hell they were talking about . I also wish I really and truly knew what they are besides kin . I mean I googled it but I didn 't get anything from Russian folklore or didn 't type it in correctly . Either way I think a lot of people will enjoy the book a lot and some will like it well enough like me . : - ) * I would like to thank Netgalley and St . Martin 's Press for a copy of this book in exchange for my honests review . * on one of Saturn 's moons rattles Earth 's most powerful citizens - and draws one planet - hopping rogue into a fight he never saw coming . Malcolm Graves lives by two rules : finish the job , and get paid . After thirty years as a collector , chasing bounties and extinguishing rebellions throughout the solar system , Malcolm does what he 's told , takes what he 's earned , and leaves the questions to someone else - especially when it comes to the affairs of offworlders . But his latest mission doesn 't afford him that luxury . After a high - profile bombing on Earth , the men who sign Malcolm 's paychecks are clamoring for answers . Before he can object , the corporation teams him up with a strange new partner who 's more interested in statistics than instinct and ships them both off to Titan , the disputed moon where humans have been living for centuries . Their assignment is to hunt down a group of extremists : Titanborn dissidents who will go to any length to free their home from the tyranny of Earth . Heading into hostile territory , Malcolm will have to use everything he 's learned to stay alive . But he soon realizes that the situation on the ground is much more complex than he anticipated . . . and much more personal . @ goodreads some reason the main character and the book made me think of two things . Malcolm as Mel Gibson in Mad Max and the story line something like Bladerunner and I have no idea why . Malcolm has been a collector for the Pervenio Corp for thirty years . They need something or someone gotten , he goes and gets it . There are a lot of different people out there fighting each other for a lot of different reason . I got the gist of most of it but since I have a tiny brain and some books blow my mind , I might have gotten lost in translation . That being said , we have Malcolm and he 's asked to go on a big mission because some of the other people from other planets set off a bomb on Earth . Now these are all humans , but some live on Mars , the Moon , Saturn , some other places here and there and when they live in these other places , they sort of change . That 's all I can tell you . Malcolm seen his daughter in a few years . So this new partner is named Zhaff and I swear I thought he was a cyborg until they explained some things in the book . He does remind me of lying cat from the Saga books . He can look at someone and saying lying , telling the truth . . . you know . He doesn 't have humor or anything like that either . - - - > EXCERPT < - - - " You do have a family , right ? " I finally asked . " I have biological parents if that is what you are implying ? " " Yeah . " " I do . When my abilities were discovered , I was taken from them to be trained in seclusion . Relationships would have been a distraction . " He was being completely sincere . He stepped off the treadmill and dropped into push - ups . His elbows bent to perfect ninety - degree angles . " Tell me about it . So what are these abilities ? If we 're going to be working together , I 'd rather know something about the man who has my back other than the fact that you 're a planets and moons and stuff . Even if I might not understand what 's going on at all times , it 's just awesome . The reason people live on all of these places is because on Sept . 3 , 2034 , a meteorite hit Earth and killed billions of people . Therefore , many are spread out in different places as well as Earth . And Luna ( our moon ) has the largest ship - manufacturing plant in the entire solar system . Penvernio Corp harvests vital gases on Mars from Saturn if I got that right . And their competitors Venta Co and they mentioned Red Wing Company are trying to say that Jupiter can harvest gases just as good . There is a lot of fighting , politicking , and wow moments in the book . I really 5 STARS OMG ! I had no idea I was going to love this book so much ! I love when I just stumble into one and love it ! Carissa is a cop and she has a lot of spunk . She doesn 't take no lip from anyone . Then she runs into a demon . . . . . . - - - > EXCERPT < - - - She her abdomen . A monstrous shape materialized from the darkened depths . Dark crimson skin covered exposed muscle on his body and bare head . He snarled showing off his chalky razor sharp teeth . It wasn 't the dental work , pointy ears and pig - like nose that set her on edge . No . The reptilian yellow eyes were what ignited her grey matter to the fact he wasn 't human . Fear used its way back up to her heart , sending it into a wild gallop . And thus the story begins as Carissa and her partner are in a warehouse checking on a lead that they really shouldn 't have been there for . Then suddenly there are wolves and one of there is also Kane the werewolf and Xen 's right hand man . There are many more of them of course . Xen tries to put the mind hypno on Carissa and she shuts him down . She doesn 't remember everything but there is something there . She finally gets with Xen through the aide of a a lot of funny lines in the book , they were awesome . There are several sexy scenes in the book with Xen and Carissa and graphically good so you might not want to let your young kids read this book . Also there is a good bit cussing but it 's in greek . Too cool ! I think I might have to say gamato a lot instead of the word it stands for which would be f * ck . The author has a list of words used in the back of the book which is very helpful or I would have been lost ! There on her , but it doesn 't last . He also has opened a portal and they are always fighting the demons he has let out . But in the end , after and teach her . This should be awesome for the next book . I 'm not going to say who her father is but I will leave a picture as a hint . I can 't help myself . He 's bad @ ssed ! * I would like to thank Smith Publicity for a print copy of this book in exchange for my honest review . * survivor is brought in for questioning . FBI agents Victor Hanoverian and Brandon Eddison are tasked with piecing together one of the most stomach - churning cases of their careers . But the girl , known only as Maya , proves to be a puzzle herself . As her story twists and turns , slowly shedding light on life in the Butterfly Garden , Maya reveals old grudges , new saviors , and horrific tales of a man who 'd go to any length to hold beauty captive . But the more she shares , the more the agents have to wonder what she 's still hiding . . . @ goodreads story is about an evil man only known as the Gardener . He has a beautiful garden with a water fall and creek and flowers and butterflies . But he also has other butterflies and they are HIS girls . The girls he takes , preferably at the age of sixteen so he can keep them so he can always see the wings . He is a very different kind of captor , he rapes them and treats them all kindly until he preserves them . It is the strangest book I have ever read about a captor / prisoner situation . That is the reason I gave it 5 stars . This is a book unlike any I have ever read . I have to be careful at reading books about rape . I usually skim over parts if they are too much . In this case the too much comes with the after descriptions and that is performed by the Gardener 's evil son Avery . The Gardener punishes Avery when he hurts a girl too badly or kills her . He banishes him for some time but not forever . I would think he would keep him out of his garden forever . The main character of the story is Maya . She is telling the story of the girls lives to them after the accident saved some of their lives . It 's very macabre and sad . I think this author did a great job at writing a book like I have never read before . Although there is some vindication at the end I wish there was more . I would recommend this book to people that like psychological thrillers because it is just messed up . I love butterflies , but I will look at them a little differently now . GOODREADS REVIEW : comet the colour of blood and flame cuts across the sky . And from the ancient citadel of Dragonstone to the forbidding shores of Winterfell , chaos reigns . Six factions struggle for control of a divided land and the Iron Throne of the Seven Kingdoms , preparing to stake their claims through tempest , turmoil , and war . It is a tale in which brother plots against brother and the dead rise to walk at night . Here a princess masquerades as an orphan boy ; a knight of the mind prepares a poison for Moon to ravage the countryside . Against a backdrop of incest and fratricide , alchemy and murder , victory may go to the men and women possessed of the coldest steel . . . and the coldest hearts . For when kings clash , the whole land trembles . Audacious , inventive , brilliantly imagined , A Clash of Kings is a novel of dazzling beauty and boundless enchantment - a tale of pure excitement you will never forget . 4 STARS I freaking finished it ! I have to admit I have watched , well own the boxsets , of all the shows up to the current one . I can 't watch is because I don 't have HBO ! But I digress . There really isn 't much more that I can say that hasn 't already been said etc and so on . I will just add a few excerpts and some pictures and some thoughts . That stuff . I love Jon Snow scratches on her hands . Septa Mordane wouldn 't even know me . I bet Sansa might , but she 'd pretend not to . " My mother 's a lady , and my sister , but I never was . " " Yes , you were . You were a lord 's daughter and you lived in a castle , didn 't you ? And you . . . gods be good , I never . . . " All of the sudden Gendry seemed uncertain , almost afraid . " All that about cocks , I never should have said that . And I been pissing in front of you and everything , I . . . I beg your pardon , m ' Lady . " I love Arya : - ) There really is no point in loving anyone in these books or shows because they all die ! I found a lot of the book boring and drawn out . I guess when it 's not about the people you really like it 's sort of . . . yawn . I loved how most of the book was about Tyrion . Or it seemed that way to me . I Love Tyrion . Because Tyrion is too cool . and he does this ↓ And Brienne finally arrives on the scene . I love her too : - ) and Bran to therapist tells me I should write you a letter . Like flushing all my thoughts and feelings out of my system and onto paper . I tell her it 's a stupid idea . But here I am , writing a letter to a dead girl . Where do I start ? Where did our story begin ? From the moment you were born . . . or died ? I 'll start with the moment I found out the truth about you . Your lies and my pain . Because it always begins and ends with you . And that end began when Rafe Lawrence came back to town . . . Ava Hale will do anything to find her sister 's killer . . . although she 'll wish she hadn 't . Because the harder Ava looks , the more secrets she uncovers about Kesley , and the more she begins to think that the girl she called sister was a liar . A sneak . A stranger . And Kesley 's murderer could be much closer than she thought . . . A debut novel from Wattpad award - winner Kara Terzis , Frayed is a psychological whodunit that will keep you guessing ! @ goodreads National Park . Our favorite place to go camping was Lake O ' Hara . Remember that time when we sat around the fire while we roasted marshmallows ? You said you loved that place because of the calm , peaceful lake , the way the breeze whispered in the trees , the way we could count the stars in the sky . You told me the lake was beautiful beyond measure . And downfall . . . Ava 's sister Kesley was murdered . They haven 't found her killer . No one has any idea why someone would want to kill her . She was a great person . Ava and Kesley were taken in when they were young by a foster family that adopted them after their parents died . There are secrets there . Terrible secrets . Kesley 's best friend Rafe wasn 't there for her funeral , but he is back in town . Why wasn 't he there ? Could he have killed his best friend . He has known the girls since they were all little kids . But he 's the bad boy . Or is he ? How bad can he be ? Ava wants to stay away from him but she can 't help herself . She likes him , a lot . Ava also has a boyfriend named Jackson who is actually a douche bag . Ava finds out some stuff about him and stays away . But then again . . . Ava finds out things about her sister she can 't hardly believe and then every thing starts to unravel . The Kesley 's killer . And what they find is not what I was thinking at all and it freaked Ava out as well . I loved this book . It was so different . There are a few things that people can probably pick at but for myself I thought it was great . The ending was freaking awesome . Well , not so much for the characters in the book . * I would like to thank Netgalley and Sourcebooks Fire for a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review . * Kate Harker is a girl who isn 't afraid of the dark . She 's a girl who hunts monsters . And she 's good at it . August Flynn is a monster who . . .
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On January 30 , 2011 By herbieontherunIn Harley , hot7 Comments Holy balls , what a difference two days can make . I ran 5 easy miles Thursday . That 's what my training plan called for . And honestly I found it difficult to run at the easy pace that my plan has prescribed . It felt too slow . I felt awkward and clumsy and just well … weird . But it was an enjoyable run . It was cloudy and 35 degrees . There was still a lot of snow on the ground and clinging to the trees . It was beautiful . And I had two running partners for the last half of the run . Two golden retrievers joined me . I don 't know who they belong to , but I 've seen them in that neighborhood before . They had obviously been having themselves a big ol ' time . They were soaking wet from head to toe ( There 's a creek in the area near where they joined me . I suspect they had been swimming . ) , tails and tongues wagging . Get that ? Thursday 35 and snow . Saturday 60 and sun . Thursday tights and long sleeves . Saturday shorts and a tank top . The day was simply gorgeous , but this gal hasn 't run in anything above 40ish degrees in months ! I still find it absolutely amazing the role that temperature acclimation plays in my running performance . To put it bluntly , I SUCKED the entire six miles yesterday . The pace that I couldn 't run slow enough to keep on Thursday , I was struggling to run that fast on Saturday . Update on Harley : He 's doing MUCH better ! The bandage is off now . It still looks like hell . It is ugly and gross , but the vet says it looks just like what he wants it to look like . All that dead black skin has sloughed off , and he lost all the hair in the area where the blood flow suffered . All that you see now is that bright red , raw skin . He gave me some disinfectant to spray on it a couple of times a day and said he should be good to go . He 's not acting like it bothers him whatsoever anymore . He 's 100 % back to his old self . He and Bella and wrestling in the back yard as I type this . He does still lick it a lot , but that 's to be expected with a dog with a wound . As of right now , we don 't have to go back until the middle of February . He 's due for his shots then anyway , that will hopefully be the final check on his tail . After that , fingers crossed , we 're done ! On January 29 , 2011October 8 , 2014 By herbieontherunIn boring , snow9 Comments There has been absolutely nothing postworthy about this week . I put in 40 ordinary hours at work . I 've run 18 . 5 uneventful miles along my typical routes and biked 45 unexciting minutes at the gym . I went to the same ol ' grocery store and cooked a few ho - hum meals . I did the same mundane housework . I sat in the same well - worn spot on the couch and watched the usual TV shows . The only thing NOT ordinary about this week was this : We got about five inches of the prettiest , fluffiest , clingy - est snow I 've ever seen Tuesday night . You know , the kind that makes a killer snowball . That made for a super fun Wednesday afternoon and two super tired dogs ! On January 23 , 2011 By herbieontherunIn PR , race report19 Comments Saturday morning I drove up to Natchez Trace State Park for the Race on the Trace 5 - mile race . It was a repeat from last year , so I knew the course was incredibly hilly . It kinda put a hurtin ' on me last year , but I wanted to do it again for a few reasons . 1 ) It 's cheap . 2 ) It 's close to home ( an hour away ) . 3 ) I like to do repeat races occasionally just to see what kind of improvement I 've made on a given course . I left my house in just enough time to get there , get parked , pee , stretch , and walk the half - mile to the start line in time for the 11 : 00 gun time . Who am I kidding ? There was no gun . But at 11 : 00 sharp , the dude yelled " GO ! " and we went . It started off by going out a mile and then turning around and coming back . I liked that because it gave me a chance to scope out who was in front of me . I was watching for chicks that looked to be in the 30 - 34 age group . It was kind of hard to tell since everyone was so bundled up ( It was 27 degrees when I got out of my truck . ) , but I was pretty sure I saw two early - 30s girls running together . I was pretty certain at that point that I was in 3rd . And I hung on to that position until right before the third mile marker . It was then that a girl that looked to be about my age came from behind me and passed me . She didn 't blow by me or anything , just kind of inched ahead . I was okay with that right then . I just told myself I 'd hang with her and try to pass her later . But she just kept creeping ahead a few inches at a time . At about the four - mile mark there was a monstrous hill . I was struggling up it , and that 's when I saw it . She started walking ! I tried so hard to kick it in and pass her on the hill , but when I made it to within just a few feet of her she started running again . DOH ! As much as I wanted to chick her in the final stretch , I just wasn 't able to do it . She had me . She crossed the line I would guess 15 - 20 seconds ahead of me . When I crossed , they handed me my card with the # 76 on it . I put my info on it and turned it in and then went to change into some warm , dry clothes . When I came back out I looked at the board , and card # 75 was in the 3rd place spot for AG 30 - 34 . Total time 48 : 37 , average pace 9 : 44 . Considering my time on the same course exactly one year ago was 54 : 40 , I 'll take it ! And it 's good enough for a new PR anyway ! On January 22 , 2011October 8 , 2014 By herbieontherunIn bib , bling , Harley , medal hanger , trophy9 Comments My birthday present from my husband finally came in this week ! He ordered this for me from Allied Medal Displays . Pretty flippin ' sweet , huh ? Now it just needs some more medals to go on it . ( From L to R , Clarksville Half Marathon ' 09 , CMM Half Marathon ' 10 , Clarksville Half Marathon ' 10 , and RnR Vegas Marathon ' 10 . ) I learned about this company from the giveaways they have done through other blogs . I highly recommend that you enter these giveaways . Or if not , do as I did and come off a few bucks ( $ 39 plus shipping for this one ) and buy one . I couldn 't be happier with mine . I also found something to keep my race bibs in . I 've seen the Bibfolios , but those are just too expensive . And a little too cutesy and scrapbooky for my taste . This was like six bucks on eBay . It 's just a cheap 8 × 10 photo album , but slap a couple of 13 . 1 and 26 . 2 stickers on it and TAH - DAH ! You have yourself a bib display . And this one is old , but while we 're on the subject … this is my only trophy . I got it in 2003 when I ran my first ( and only until 2009 ) 5K and took 1st place in my age group . ( No , you most certainly may NOT ask how many people were in the group ! ) Not that I expect to add any more bling to my collection as a result , but I have my second race of the year this morning . It 's a 5 - miler at Natchez Trace State Park . It 's part of the Tennessee State Park Running Tour . Pretty courses and dirt cheap entry fees ( $ 6 no - shirt option ) ? Yes , please ! We 've had some crappy weather and it 's pretty cold ( 20 right now ) , so here 's hoping that everyone else in my age group stays home snuggled up warm . Update on Harley : We went back for a recheck yesterday . They had to sedate him to get a good examination . They think the tissue was so traumatized by the surgery ( Doc says the tail is a very difficult place to do surgery on . I can see how that would be . ) that the bloodflow to the distal tail has suffered . While he was zonked out , they did some kind soak trying to stimulate blood flow . While the tail was soaking , the vet was explaining to me that after the soak he was going to pin - prick the tail and that we wanted to see blood . And we did . So that was a very good sign . He sent us home with the tail wrapped up really good and gave us an e - collar . Whoa boy . The dreaded e - collar . Poor fella just stood there petrified when I put it on him . After about 20 minutes of standing there , he took a couple of steps and when the collar " followed " him , he FLIPPED . HIS . SHIT . I feel terrible for doing something that scares him so badly , but I know it 's for his own good . Doc says as the blood flow increases the tail will tingle and he will be even more likely to lick and chew it and do further damage , so the collar is a must if we 're going to avoid our absolute worst - case scenario , which is that the tail would have to be amputated above the incision site . Recheck middle of next week . Until then , thank God for tramadol ( for him ) and wine ( for me ) . ( Side note : I absolutely love my vet . As many times as we 've been back since the surgery ( three ) he has not charged me one red cent except the cost of his meds . This guy is truly in it for the animals , not the money . A rare gem . ) On January 20 , 2011October 8 , 2014 By herbieontherunIn Bella , C . C . , Harley15 Comments 1 . Harley is having a lot of problems with his tail post - op . I have had to take him back to the vet a couple of times . Once just because I thought he had pulled a stitch out . ( He hadn 't . ) And yesterday because he really started just acting like he didn 't feel good . He was being really pissy with Bella , and I noticed him really guarding his tail . He wouldn 't wag it or anything . He just kept it curled up next to his body . When I made him let me look at it , it was red and swollen . Not just around the wound either . From the incision all the way to the tip of his tail . He was running a fever at the vet 's office , so they gave me another week 's worth of a stronger antibiotic and some pain pills . We go back tomorrow for a recheck and for suture removal . He doesn 't seem any better to me today . It hurts my heart to know that he is hurting . They did call me back today with the lab results . The path report showed that it was a histiocytoma . Completely benign . Thank God for that . 2 . It is driving Bella crazy that Harley won 't play with her . She , in turn , is driving us crazy . It 's cold and snowy and crappy out , so our outside time is limited . She has a lot of energy to burn off and she 's doing it by getting into EVERYTHING . She has even found a new place to sleep - in my dining room table . 3 . C . C . has woke me up at approximately 4 : 00 the past three mornings . Apparently something has happened during the night that she just couldn 't wait to tell me about because she comes into the bedroom tellin ' it all . " Meow … . MEOW … . MEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOWWWWW ! ! ! ! ! ! " I ain 't done SQUAT ! ! ! We 'll call it catching up on some much - needed rest . It 's been a monster of a week . It started Thursday night . I fell asleep on the couch watching $ # * ! My Dad Says just a couple of minutes after it came on . D was all , " Are you seriously falling asleep at 7 : 30 ? " I don 't remember my exact response , but I think it was something along the lines of , " Suck it , I 'm sleepy . " At some point I got in the bed and slept until my alarm clock forced me out of bed for work at 5 : 00 Friday morning . Friday night was equally exciting . Taco Bell on the couch while watching Comedy Central Presents . Rock on . Up at 6 this morning , caught up on reading blogs , watched Social Network , ran 6 miles , showered , and took another nap . Anybody noticing a pattern here ? I did finally get my butt off the couch long enough to put on some makeup and we went out to eat tonight . Now I 'm sitting here with a belly stuffed full of delicious cajun food watching Juno for the bazillionth time . Anybody want to take bets on how long I stay awake ? My money says approximately 4 more minutes . Several folks said they were in , but I only ended up with 8 race reports , including mine . Adam broke the virtual tape with a time of 18 : 32 with Kim taking 2nd overall and myself in 3rd . I , for one , am going to revel in it because this is likely the only time I will find myself in the top 3 of anything ! Thanks for playing along , guys ! It was fun ! Maybe next time I 'll actually be able to afford some prizes ! The house will be paid off in 12 more years ! Harley had surgery today . He had a tumor removed from his tail . When I gave him a bath last weekend I noticed a little bump about 2 / 3 the way down the shaft of his tail . I didn 't think much about it at the time . He and Bella are bully breeds and they play ROUGH and CONSTANTLY , and they both always have little nicks and scabs as a result . I thought that 's all this was . But within a couple of days this proved not to be the case . This this grew in size very quickly and became red and scaly . I made an appointment and took him in yesterday afternoon to be seen . The vet said it was a tumor , which he believed to be benign but said it definitely needed to come off and be biopsied to be sure . Surgery was scheduled for this afternoon . On my lunch hour , I made a mad dash to the house to pick him up and took him to the vet 's office . Although we have had him for almost a year , he still hasn 't gotten over his fear of unfamiliar men ( He was rescued from an abusive male owner . ) , so Doc asked me , for Harley 's sake , to keep his stress level at the lowest possible level , if I could hang around until they gave him a sedative . I so didn 't want to because I was afraid it would bring back the still - very - raw memories of being in the room when I had to have my baby girl Lucy put to sleep a couple of years ago . Bet since the vet felt it was best for Harley , I stayed . Turns out my fears were completely unfounded . There was no comparison . And let me just say … if you 've never had the opportunity to watch a dog be sedated , put it on your to - do list . It 's like watching Saturday night in a bar in extreme fast forward . He went from stone - cold sober , to wobbling a little bit , to stumbling , to laying in the floor with his tongue hanging out within a matter of about three minutes . I picked him up when I got off , and he was still pretty woozey . Doc said he would be for a little while yet . As soon as we got home , he jumped up on the couch ( after one failed attempt - still drunk ! ) and tried to go to sleep . My dear darling Bella would have no part of that . She wanted to play , and it was driving her up the stinking wall that he wouldn 't . She was barking and rooting around on the floor and moaning and just making a complete ass of herself and driving me crazy in the process . I guess Harley finally decided she wasn 't going to leave him alone until he got up , so he got up and tried to play a little bit … and got sick all over the place . ( Vet said he would be nauseous from the anesthesia . ) I didn 't figure he could have much in his stomach since he hadn 't eaten since yesterday afternoon , but something came from somewhere . Ew . I looked at the wound thinking maybe I could just leave it off , but nope . Doc wasn 't able to get good skin closure where the tumor was excised , so it was gaping a little bit in the middle . I called him on his cell , and he said if he would leave it alone it should be fine . But no . He would not leave it alone . Back to town to Walgreens I went to get the makings of a wrap . On January 9 , 2011October 8 , 2014 By herbieontherunIn 5K , birthday , PR , virtual race22 Comments In honor of my 31st birthday tomorrow and in honor of Adam just being an awesome virtual race director , I ran two 5Ks today . Simultaneously . See , you can do stuff like that when they 're virtual races . Adam , DQ me if you must . I missed your race date by a full day . I had every intetion of doing this yesterday , but after my friend 's 40th birthday party Friday night , I was in no shape to run a 5K on Saturday . No shape whatsoever . Mile 3 : 9 : 49 - " What kind of idiot puts this kind of hill on the last part of a 5K ? Wait a minute , what ? I got to pick my own course for this race ? Idiot … " Not fast for most , but for me a big PR . I hadn 't done a 5K since 3 / 20 / 10 with a time of 29 : 27 , so today was a 49 - second improvement . I 've been saying I want to work on speed this year , and today will serve as my starting point . I have another 5K ( a REAL one with ACTUAL REAL , LIVE PEOPLE ) coming up on 2 / 12 , so we 'll see if I can pick up a few seconds between now and then .
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My Dad had told me stories of being stationed in Tokyo and then arriving cold and scared near the front lines in Korea just as the war came to a close . He had been drafted just out of high school . His brother was also in Korea . Both of my grandmothers had photos of their daughters as WWII war brides with their handsome husbands in uniform . I knew my grandfather had served in World War I . One of my earliest memories was my cousin Owen coming home in his dress whites from his early Navy days and pitching me into the air while the family stood around chatting on a Sunday afternoon . Later on we went to visit him and his new wife at one of their many posts . While we are not a traditional military family for the most part , many have served . I still have a cousin in the Navy now . Fortunately , I don 't know of any in my immediate line who have not made it home . 1 . Position the cutter in the middle of the design area you want to cut . 2 . Press the Center Point button . Select the image you want such as the star from the Plantin Schoolbook cartridge . 3 . Select the size for the outside dimensions of your star . I think my largest one was 3 " . 4 . Cut . The cutter will return to its original position in the center of your image when cutting is completed . 5 . Dial down the size by 1 / 2 " so my next cut was 2 1 / 2 " . 6 . choose Repeat Last and Cut again . Then you have an open star . You can repeat steps 5 and 6 to get smaller and smaller images . Thank you for visiting today and thanks to all who serve us . I can 't imagine what it must be like to leave your home , family and friends to go abroad to the unknown and unsafe . I hope our cards bring a tiny bright spot into our hero 's and their families ' lives . When I get back to my crafting space after a break , I like to start in with a card or other small project often a take off of something I 've done recently or a CASE . This card uses the same background stamp I did a few days ago . This time I punched hearts and flowers to fill in the circles . Having a little crafting time was necessary yesterday afternoon after spending the morning helping my husband replace our hot water heater . I was the fetch , carry and hold stuff helper ; he really did all the work . Thank goodness we have water again ! I was in such a hurry to get errands done and get back to the final installation steps that I didn 't get to the park for my walk . I hope to do that on what looks to be a gorgeous almost summer day . I believe this came from the home tool section at Walmart . I have another one I use in my workroom that came from Sears tool department long before I started my business . It hold buttons , needles and stuff . These little drawers are ideal for holding papercrafting embellishments . Embellishments that go with a collection are typically stored with that collection . All the others go here : buttons by color , grommets and most of my Stampin ' Up ! embellishments , binder clips , etc . I keep it right over my worktable so they are handy . The drawers are removable . Sitting on top is this little cat . He / she has it 's own story . When my husband and I first started dating over 20 years ago , he had to go on a business trip and came home with this little cat to perch above my desk at home and watch over me . Lenny said he had seen these before but could never find one when he wanted to buy a special gift for a cat lover . But on this trip , right after dating me , he easily found the cat in a small town gift shop . ( I think he saw it as a sign . ) The little kitty has watched over one desk or another of mine for 20 years now . Until a few months ago I didn 't know what an art journal was . Now I 'm seeing them all over the place . When I first found out about them I was excited and went out and bought a watercolor notebook with the intention of making that my own art journal . Then it laid around on my guest bed until I finally stuck it in a drawer . After seeing a few more videos and postings about art journals , I decided to give it another chance . Maybe this time I would actually put something on the paper . I 'm not really good with just staring at a blank piece of paper and suddenly starting to put something on it . I 'm not a doodler . So if I was going to do an art journal I would need some sort of theme or direction . So for my journal page , I wrote out the portions of the lyrics that are applicable to my situation . The song is about recovering from a failed relationship . I 'm trying to recover from the times my body fails me - some of those are temporary conditions and others chronic . Next I used Ranger Ink to create the background . I pressed the ink pads to my craft mat , spritzed them with water , and dipped in the paper wiping off the excess . I started with darker more clouded colors at the top and work down to brighter lighter shades on the bottom . I wanted to emphasize that I was getting to be more like myself again as I 'm a bright and light color person . The stitching was meant to emphasize certain sections of the song . It 's the only part of the page I 'm not crazy about and I 'm not sure why . Part of doing art journal is experimenting with different techniques and seeing what you like and what you don 't . Normally I love stitching on my pages it just didn 't work for me here . Still hoping for a little sunshine here ! The rain has not produced flooding , of that we are very thankful . My heart goes out to those who are dealing with the floods . While we wait for better weather , here is a bright card based on the Greenhouse Gala paper from Stampin ' Up ! I 'd been saving this paper for a series of scrapbook pages . I 'm nearly through the pages and have hardly touched the paper . Sometimes things just don 't end up going for what I bought them for . Anyway , it is pretty paper and I 'm sure it will find a home . I haven 't used the Big Flowers stamp set in quite awhile . It has always been one of my favorites . I 'm using the three circular elements in place of squares in this week 's card sketch from Splitcoaststampers . I did several of these cards to start populating my next OWH box so I stretched the ribbon by cutting and stapling on the ends . " Create a stamped border " is the challenge for this month 's Scrapbook Stamping class by Nichol Magourik at Two Peas . Nichol 's examples have been using a lot of word stamps . Most of my word stamps - well , all of them almost - are geared toward card greetings . Yet some like this one from Cloud 9 are great for a scrapbook page . In this case it is the perfect saying for friends who have relocated across country . The real challenge was how to stamp the greeting in multiple colors across a border rather than in a group as is shown below on the acetate sheet . This stamp started out as one text stamp . After several tries with markers , masking , a little cursing and near tantrum throwing . I finally reached for the scissors and cut it up . I 've done this before but very reluctantly . I was particularly uneasy this time because some of the script words overlapped the block print and I wanted them in two colors and markers just weren 't taking on this type of clear stamp . Have you cut up a clear stamp before ? I wouldn 't recommend chopping up your favorite , irreplaceable stamp but you might give it a try the next time you want to get something in multiple colors and markers don 't work . Or if you are going for a different arrangement than the stamped image intended . It is just one more way to make the very flexible stamp work for you . The page is also for the Scrapbooker 's Anonymous challenge to use stamps to create your own designer paper . The zebra paper is stamped in black ink , clear embossed on white cardstock . I 'm not that much of an animal print person so I don 't typically have animal print papers in my stash . Actually , do they make animal print papers ? Probably , a little animal print can be a lot of fun in fabric so it would be in paper , too . It is a happy day when I get an Operation Write Home box in the mail as I did today . I haven 't been making as many cards lately - or as many multiples anyway - but I did clean out one of my storage drawers last week in preparation for some new paper coming in . I had a stash of birthday cards that were part of a class I did a couple of times last year and they had just been waiting on me to use up the rest of the supplies . So I made a few more of those to add to my box . One of these cards also went in the box . The other goes to a friend 's daughter who has a birthday coming up . For these I used Hampton Arts Cupcakes stamps which has these cute package designs and greeting . TIPsy Tuesday will probably be late tomorrow . I got in fabric for my next job today so I have to get back to the workroom tomorrow . These little breaks between jobs really spoil me : - ) The page is a bit crowded even by my standards . I 've been wanting to use smaller photos and leave more white space . Well this one definitely doesn 't do that ! The 2P 's challenge this month was to use a kit so I went with Cosmo Cricket 's Material Girl focused on sewing . The colors and theme really worked . The page has several of the designer papers , sticker borders , other stickers and a journaling card . I tucked the actual journaling into a pocket on the side . It reads . . . Journaling : Judy called me in the early fall of 2010 after we had found out Ashley was pregnant and asked if I would make a quilt for the baby . " Of course , " I said . She wanted me to make it from Steve 's shirts as a way to connect him to the baby . Eventually we found out the baby would be a girl and Judy added a couple of her own shirts so we would have some pink / coral colors to go with all the solid blue ones and the gray and green tropical and fishing themed shirts . I was surprised at the size she wanted but understood this would be a quilt her grandchild could use all her life . With a large size quilt and limited time , I did a simple 4 square design , alternating in the blue squares since we had more of this color than anything . I did a decorative stitch over the seams . The kit and the sketch made this one go super fast . Thanks for visiting with me today ! If you haven 't already , go to the next post down and click on the Blogger 's Quilt Festival button to see many inspiring quilts . Ingredients : DSP and Stickers : Material Girl by Cosmo Cricket This is not the fanciest quilt I 've ever made . It is not the prettiest . It isn 't the most expensive . In fact , it cost very little in dollars . A few months ago , my friend , Judy , called and asked if I would make a baby quilt for her grandchild . We had just found out her daughter - in - law was expecting . Of course , I said . I was probably going to do this anyway as a baby gift . She went on to say that she wanted to make the quilt from her husband 's shirts . So she brought me some of his shirts and then we waited ( and waited - the little one was camera shy ) to find out whether the baby would be a boy or a girl . A baby girl was expected so my friend went through her own clothes and brought me a couple of coral / pink shirts to add to the blue , green and gray ones . There were more blue shirts than anything so I made the solid alternating squares from blue and did a simple 4 patch for the other squares . She wanted this to be a large quilt the child could use as it grew . The finished size is 60 " x 84 . " I had to keep it simple to get it completed in time for the shower . I am honored to be able to give this gift of time to my friend . She , my Mother , and I all tied the quilt together that I had sewn and basted . I did some decorative stitching between the blocks to add a little something extra since I hadn 't had time for a complicated pattern . Unfortunately , I forgot to get a close - up photo : - ( Here are more entries from the Festival : Thank you for visiting today ! Hope you are enjoying the Blogger 's Quilt Festival . There is so much inspiration here ! Thanks to Amy for putting it together , too . What are these things called ? Windmills , spinners ? Whatever , I can 't remember . I had forgotten how to make them too until Betsy , one of the regulars at our stamp class here , came in last time showing us all how to turn a square of paper printed on both sides into a cute little windmill . I adhered mine to a Popsicle stick with a Glue Dot Pop Dot for the front of this card . ( Stampin ' Up ! craft and rubber scissors will cut through thin wood like this . ) The rest of the card was inspired by one from Kristina Werner 's blog . She used flowers in front of her green hills and die cut clouds . I stamped my clouds with one of the cloud stamps from Hampton Arts Whoo Loves You stamp set . I should probably leave it on my worktable all the time , those clouds get so much use : - ) They now have the set at Two Peas Hampton Arts Who Loves You ? What are your weekend plans ? I 'm caught up on work ( except for cleaning , of course ) so I was just getting ready to print out photos for a layout about a quilt I did a couple of months ago . There is a sweet story behind it that will be posted here in a couple of days . This weekend starts the Blogger 's Quilt Festival . More details here Spring Blogger 's Quilt Festival I hope all the bloggers will get to participate . Something is apparently going on with Google 's Blogger . I couldn 't get on this morning and one of my posts is missing . They say it will get restored . I 've missed my blog this morning ! The rose is stamped three times in Versamark and embossed . Then I cut out layers and added some shading with watercolor crayons and a blender pen . The layers are adhered with glue dots to give just a little dimension but not too much . Hope you had a productive and most importantly , fun National Scrapbooking weekend . I finished one of these over the weekend and put the finishing touches on the other too late Monday night to get posted until now . Both pages are from a birthday outing for my Mother . ( Warning , slight purple paper rant below . ) They are for 2 challenges each : Before we get to the scrapbooking part , notice the photo of my husband asleep on the sofa in a store with my purse draped over his arm . He took the photo of my mother and me while shopping , saying he was catching us in our natural environment . Guess I got a photo of him adapting to the environment . : - ) Project notes : The scallop circle is cut with the Cricut and the Straight from the Nest cartridge . I stamped each scallop with one of the smaller doilies from the Stella Rose stamp set from My Mind 's Eye . First I had stamped the larger scallop and embossed in white . Really pleased with how the intricacy came through in the embossing . For both pages , I had to do a lot of stamping and pulling together embellishments to create this unorthodox color scheme of kraft , purple and charcoal . It is just what worked with the photos - even though the paper crafting industry seems to treat purple / lavendar as a forgotten step - child . It is one of the colors of the rainbow ! Project Notes : words are cut on the Cricut with SCAL software . Used the MME doily stamps in tone - on - tone and white embossed over vellum . Also used some embellishment from Stampin ' Up ! Pretties kit . Sometimes there are just so many wonderful designer papers to choose from it is hard to know what to buy . I 've bought my share of beautiful papers that just stayed on a shelf always passed by because they never worked for a page . I 'm finding I need more of the basics . Here are a couple of tips on paper selection . The tips are in the first half of the video . The rest is just the fun stuff I 've gotten in my last couple of orders . I 'm actually surprised at many of my purchases . Surprised because I stuck to what I said I wanted to buy ( I usually change my mind a dozen times ) . During CHA I did a post on products that appealed to me and I 've bought 4 out of 5 of those items and haven 't gotten into too many other things . Thanks for visiting today ! Tomorrow I 'll have two layouts from National Scrapbooking day ( weekend ) . Thanks for visiting today . I won 't keep you long . If you are like me , you have plenty of projects running around in your head waiting to get on paper . My husband has often hinted at having rhubarb pie . He has been growing rhubarb for a few years now so I guess that is more than a hint : - ) The cookbook I got for my birthday had a recipe so I gave it a try today . The recipe also suggested serving with strawberry ice cream which he declared to be the perfect touch . As you can see , I 'm not that finicky about getting the perfect pie crust so it doesn 't have a fancy edge . I 'll leave the fancy stuff for paper and fabric where I have a bit more luck . This is my first effort from the Pies and Tarts cookbook by Martha Stewart and so far it is a hit ! Who inspired you toward a crafty hobby ? Or did you pick it up on your own ? Have you always been surrounded by family and friends who create things with their hands ? Perhaps one or two people influenced you . There were other projects mother did including some decoupage plaques where she put dozens and dozens of coats of polyurethane over the surface standing between each one . I don 't recall seeing her make the crewel embroidery picture shown above but I do know that she made it and it was in our house when I was growing up . About four years ago mother and I were going through some things in storage and I came across this as well as a needlepoint picture that she did . This one now hangs over the desk in my living room . The decoupage Four Seasons pictures are displayed in her hallway . My mother 's creativity was redirected towards the business that she and my father started when I was four . My father started by framing pictures - he framed the embroidery that she did and later my early efforts at embroidering . They soon expanded into offering draperies , wallpaper , and carpet . Mother helped customers select the furnishings for their home . She also had a young child , my mother in law , and parents who all needed her time . So the time for embroidery and other projects just disappeared . Now that my mother has retired she has taken up gardening . She uses her creative energy to arrange her plants and create a beautiful , inspiring yard . I wish I had her energy as well as her green thumb ! Now that I think about it I 'm sure my mother 's creativity was influenced by projects that were done in her home . My grandfather was a cabinetmaker . He delighted in working out how he was going to make something . She 's fond of telling me how he could do anything . He and my Dad 's father built my parents home they still live in today . My grandmother quilted and was a wonderful cook and gardener herself . I needed a bright and cheery get well card so I chose colors from the Brights palette of Stampin ' Up and one of my favorite sets - A Little Birdie Told Me . The layout is from this week 's sketch challenge at Splitcoaststampers . I felt a bit like I was arranging one of those wood block puzzles where all the pieces have to fit just so to achieve the arrangement of all these rectangles . It is a fun sketch because you get to use so many colors if you like . Rather than bulky ribbon or other embellishment on a card with so many layers I used a little stitching for embellishment . Also there is some tone - on - tone stamping to dress up some of the cardstock . The yellow ' stripe ' is actually the ledger stamp from Hero Arts turned on its side . We 've been having an - ah - interesting ? week here . Lots of appointments , work and several hours spent working on the television antennae . My husband was on the roof , I 'm the assistant hunting down tools and sending them up to him in a bucket he lowers from the roof when he needs something . Fortunately , it is fixed ! Our reception had degraded badly and now we are back to getting all the major networks again . Now he is outside swatting flies - long story . . . Today 's tip applies to the Cricut or to any electronic cutter with a cutting mat . Sometimes you want to have an image cut from a very specific area of your paper . In this case , I wanted to be sure the flower , spool of threat and the scissors were within the pointed square design I was cutting . I didn 't want anything to get chopped off by misaligned paper . I 've had to do this a few times when I had precious little paper left to be sure that the Cricut didn 't cut half of a letter on and half off my paper and leaving me without enough paper to recut . Sometimes we have to fool our tools to get them to do what we want . We are the humans , we can 't have these contraptions outsmarting us , can we ! Hiding ! I haven 't done this trick of hiding a photo in a long time . Usually , I 've used it because I had so many photos to display that you flipped one photo back to find another tucked underneath . This time , based on Shimelle 's layout , the top is for the title and a little pattern paper . The inside shows the fourth photo and the journaling for the layout . It 's a nice way to keep things in threes but still use 4 photos . My first three photos are serene pictures from our hiking in Redwood National Park . Then inside you get Lenny looking over an embankment . Turns out the warning sign was a bit severe as there wasn 't much of a drop off . Lenny just wanted me to take his photo ' breaking the rules . ' See , I 'm the little Park Service rule breaker . I 'm the one who goes past the signs on trails to peak over the edge . Since he is afraid of heights , this drives him crazy - ( I really thought the Grand Canyon was going to be too much for him ) . I never get too close to the edge but it still bugs him . So this time , he thought he was pushing the limits only to find it out it was just a ditch : - ) Grommets and brads seem to fit the rustic look of the layout . I also got to use some older Basic Grey from my stash . Good thing because some of the new Basic Grey is on its way here ! They released 4 new collections in the last few days ! The one I ordered was on my wish list from the CHA previews . I have a companion layout to complete a double page spread for this that is still in progress . I 'm using the same papers but in a different arrangement . Hopefully that will be up later in the week . I had a lot of fun this weekend just piddling around with these layouts in between painting , potting flowers and other outdoor tasks . ( On a completely unrelated note , if you are a " Good Wife " fan , I miswrote a few weeks ago that the season was over . It isn 't ! There is a new episode tomorrow night . ) Capturing our memories in scrapbooks and creating cards are passions I love to share through my blog and YouTube videos . Thanks for visiting . If you find inspiration here , I 'd be honored if you subscribed or followed my blog . Copyright 2009 Lisa Echerd . The material here is presented for your inspiration . All photographs and content are the property of Lisa Echerd . Stamped images are the copyright of the manufacturer .
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Chances are good that you 've heard the statistics : Eighty percent of marriages of parents of children with autism end in divorce . For most people I know with special - needs kids , that 's a terrifying statistic . And most people can imagine it to be true , because it usually doesn 't take long to realize that autism ( and other special needs ) can do a real job on a marriage . Different people handle big events differently , and there 's no guarantee that you and your partner will handle things in a compatible way , starting with the diagnosis - if there is a diagnosis . Some really proactive parents get started addressing the issues even before a " qualified professional " tells them what those issues are . Often there is one parent who sees the issues and jumps on them , if not right away , then as soon as he or she can wrap his or her head around it , while the other parent may bury his or her head in the sand and deny there is anything to be done - the autism equivalent of sticking your fingers in your ears and singsonging loudly , " I can 't HEAR you ! " It 's tough to have a serious conversation with someone who denies the reality you deal with on a daily basis . As a result , conversation often drops off . If you 're the action - oriented parent , chances are you get burnt out and exhausted and would like to share the burden of the difficulties : diet , therapy , supplements , etc . But the spouse doesn 't want to hear it . He or she just wants to go back to the way things were - which is , of course , impossible . That was me and my ex . He thought we owed a tremendous debt to Bryce 's speech teacher for getting him to talk , even though I told him that the therapy five days / week wasn 't really doing anything . There were days I had to cajole B - Boy for 20 minutes to get anything out of him at all . The only times we saw big gains were immediately after we added a biomedical treatment . When he said things like that , it was clear he wasn 't listening to me at all . I wasn 't sure why , but I got a hint later when he admitted that he was jealous of me , because I got to " save " Bryce . So maybe he was listening and it was really just a form of denial . Either way , it 's tough to handle . Of course , not all marriages work this way , but it seems that a shocking number do go through some variation on this . Some survive it , others don 't . In general , communication is tremendously important in a healthy relationship . If you can 't share the task of " saving " your child , what can you share ? Another common issue in many marriages is the allocation of resources , in other words , money and time . Which areas in the family get the money and time first ? Chances are , in a special - needs family , there is never enough money or time . That means that priorities have to be set . Conflict on those priorities is a major source for friction . This is one reason why you 've got to keep the communication lines as open as you can . Parents who communicate with , and appreciate , each other are much more likely to hang tough for the ugly disagreements on where to apply their precious resources . I 've noticed that there 's one area that gets shafted for almost all special - needs parents : " together time , " also known as " date night . " Burnt - out folks find it difficult to plan fun activities for themselves and their partner . Spending money on it can also be difficult when you 're balancing it against this week 's organic food or speech therapy . But doesn 't it seem that marriages where the relationship is a top priority are more fun and more resilient ? Chalk that up to another lesson learned . My ex and I stopped spending any time together as his job got harder . He would send me off to the movies by myself sometimes . I 'm sure he was thinking it was what I needed - to get " away . " But more than getting away , I needed to reconnect with him . Everything was easier when I had a partner I could share things with than when I didn 't . ( Let 's face it , I never would have chosen to take on the challenges I had if I 'd known I was going to be on my own with them . ) It 's easier to go through hard times with someone when you know that you and your relationship are a high priority . How do you let your partner know he or she is high priority ? By investing your time and energy , even if there isn 't much in the way of money . Personally , I don 't buy those stats . Among the Thinking Moms we have one divorced mom , two separated moms , and one never - married mom ( who is more like a widow ) , and two of those ( myself included ) aren 't even dealing with autism . Out of 24 , that 's not bad . I think fear of divorce is rampant , though . All of us know people who are staying where they are in a less than satisfactory relationship / marriage , because of the fear of going it alone . I think the biggest fear is how on earth do you make it financially on your own ? That 's certainly my biggest fear . I didn 't have a paying job for many years as my high - needs kids were young . My ex was spending that time building his career . That makes him much more employable than I am , despite the fact that when we met we were doing similar work and not getting paid all that differently . Then there 's the fear of having to do it all . Depending upon how you get along with your ex ( if you have one ) , you may be the only one to attend 100 % of the IEP meetings and parent / teacher conferences ( which , fortunately for me , are one and the same lately ) , do 100 % of therapy appointments and school drop - offs / pick - ups , prepare 100 % of the special - diet food , administer 100 % of the supplements , and handle 100 % of the sensory or PANDAS meltdowns . That 's a daunting prospect . And I 'm not going to downplay it . It sucks ! I get along very well with my ex , and he wasn 't working last year , so he did get to come to more conferences , and do more school pick - ups than he would have otherwise , but he lives two hours away and that 's not exactly something I can count on . I think one of the biggest secret fears , though , is that the stress of divorce will end up being very , very hard on already fragile children . If you were already disagreeing on vaccination , therapies , supplements , and / or providers , divorce will amplify those differences . It 's among the most difficult things in the world to trust your child to be alone with someone who seems to hate you . What happens if your ex is so pissed at you - and so used to not listening to you - that he or she takes your kids to get vaccinated the minute you 're not around ? Like I said , my ex and I get along very well , and he is a big supporter of what I do here , and even he got bullied into getting Bryce a DT shot in an ER last year . ( I can hear your collective gasps in my head . Yeah , that was my reaction , too . ) And , though my ex is generally supportive , he doesn 't do supplements beyond enzymes , and I can pretty much count on him plying the kids with sugar every other weekend . I don 't know how to mitigate this one . If you have a partner that flatly refuses to listen to you , or take your concerns to heart , it 's a very real possibility that your child 's health will be in danger . My heart grieves for the children in these situations . The best I can say is don 't give up trying to communicate . My ex and I communicate much better now than we did the last year we were together . It can get better . And lastly , I think , is the fear that if you split up you 'll be alone forever . Who is going to want to take on the challenge of a special - needs child or two or five ? It is harder to find someone who is up for that challenge , but it is by no means impossible . It does require that you make an investment of time and energy in yourself , though . Depressed people who hate themselves don 't find partners , for good reason . Would you want to be with someone like that ? I was lucky enough to find an absolutely awesome guy , who is also a special - needs dad . You may also fear that you 'll hate being alone so much that you 'll fall for someone who isn 't good for your kids , and you may not recognize it until it 's too late . Lonely rebounding parents do this all the time . How do you make sure it doesn 't happen to you ? I think not introducing your kids to someone until he or she has been in your life for at least a few months is a good first step . If you wonder if you should introduce them , then you probably shouldn 't . Your intuition is telling you something . Then , when you do introduce them , watch for red flags . At this point , it 's important to keep in mind that your kids are your top priority . They depend on you , and they are with you at least until they become adults . That 's a huge responsibility . Take it seriously . Don 't settle for someone who doesn 't take it as seriously you do . One last thing : If divorce is inevitable , find ways to remind yourself to love . As they say in the movie Love Actually : " Love is all around . " It really is . All kinds of love : love for your parents , your child , your friends , and your siblings . Every bit of practice you get loving makes you better at it . This entry was posted in Blogs by Thinking Moms ' Revolution , Professor TMR and tagged divorce , marriage , Professor , special needs parenting , The Thinking Moms Revolution , TMR . Bookmark the permalink . ← Anticipating Freedom , Then and Now Nelly says : September 9 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm My husband found someone else after 38 yrs . of marriage . we have a 33 yr old girl with Down Syndrome who adores her father but will not be able to go visit him ( moving to South Carolina - we live in New Jersey ) because her kids , ages 6 - 12 are very aggressive and under psychiatric care . I am going thru a divorce but my worst fear is if my daughter loses all her services ( federal and the Division of Developmental Disabilities ) due to something I could be missing or including in the divorce agreement . i . e . : they are not to have any more than $ 2 , 000 to their name , if I get child support from him , does it count as additional money she gets ? will this affect her services ? Reply Jacqueline says : August 15 , 2016 at 10 : 44 am In my case after an 18 year marriage my husband cheated with a co - worker and divorced me . Our son who has CP and hydrocephalus was then split between his new home with her and her normal kids . It was very difficult because my son would come to my house one time full of flea bites because he doesn 't walk he would be put on a comforter at my house . He came back with a nail that apparently something had fallen very hard on it because it was completely blackened with blood under the nail . He came back with diaper marks so tightly on his legs that they left scabs where they had been . All this and I tried my best to relay my concerns but I was not allowed to have any contact with my ex , everything had to go through the " new " wife . Fast forward : 4 years ago they decided to leave the state / they 're house fell into foreclosure . I was forced to have to put our then 22 year old son in a home because I couldn 't care for him by myself and work too . I actually found a really decent home for him but no one will ever take care of your child the way I would as his mom . But overall it hasn 't been that bad . As for the ex . . I still am not allowed to have contact the home tells me they haven 't heard from him at ALL . So I 'm the one doing it all by myself . . My son had a major seizure attack and was in the hospital for 5 days . . I was there making all the choices , trying to decide the best things for him . To say I didn 't cry would be an understatement because it had been one of the first times I had to do everything alone . So , I see my son and try to bring him home once a month for a night or two but at the end of the second night I get so overwhelmed . He 's 160 lbs and for me to scoot him into a lift by myself , bathe him , get his food ready … well it 's a lot . It baffles me that this man I was with for 18 years and we had this special boy would just disconnect from him and have no contact . Recently I saw his facebook page there was not ONE picture or mention of his Reply ProfessorTMR says : August 15 , 2016 at 12 : 34 pm Any time . * sigh * I don 't understand that sort of thing either . It feels like betrayal and can be very difficult to heal from . Parenthood is difficult when one is on one 's own in the best of times . I hope that you can find someone that gives you joy and wishes to share the hard parts . Reply Alice22 says : August 9 , 2016 at 4 : 32 pm Absolutely I completely agree . I think that any parent should put their children first , but it really does require extra patience to take care of a special needs child . And one or two meetings may not fully encompass the ability or patience of the person you 're dating . I have a 4 year old boy with autism and I 'm currently divorcing my ex . I want to divorce while not harming or impacting my son . I was looking into online divorce ( www . thistoo . co for reference ) but i haven 't heard much about it so i don 't know if it 's a safe chioce . Any help would be appreciated ! Thank you . Reply Jordan Smallville says : July 28 , 2016 at 11 : 59 am This was SO informative and helpful . Thank you Professor . My ex and I are separated and we will be undergoing divorce . I do have a question for you … I found this website and was thinking of using it : http : / / www . thistoo . co … it seems to be for uncontested divorces and looks easy enough to use . I was wondering if you had any experiences with online tools for divorce applications , and whether it 's best to avoid lawyers in a divorce process if you and your ex can agree to the terms of divorce ? Reply ProfessorTMR says : July 28 , 2016 at 3 : 07 pm Personally , I 'm all for tools to make the process cheaper . Divorce can be very expensive for both parties . In addition , lawyers can often INCREASE the level of animosity unnecessarily ( think about it : they get paid by the hour ) , so anything you can do to reach a consensus without their help might also be good . I don 't personally have any experience with online tools , but I suspect that they would be pretty good . What you might want to do is hire a mediator for a couple of hours to facilitate the process or even run your agreement by a lawyer you TRUST ( try to find one who cares more about your mental health than wringing " every last dime " out of your ex ) just to make sure you 've thought of everything . Reply Alice22 says : August 9 , 2016 at 4 : 35 pm Oh I didn 't see this comment ! This is perfect ! I was thinking about hiring a lawyer but wasn 't sure if they would be able to help with a process that is designed to be done alone . Thank you ! Cindy says : May 9 , 2016 at 9 : 39 am Hi , I am sharing this post as I am challenged with so many things at the moment . My son is a graduating senior this year and has high functioning ADD / ASD . He starts college in the Fall 2016 . His father is out of my son 's life as he does not want to pay for any support for my son . Without my 100 % dedication and financial support I was able to provide , my son would not be in a position where he sits today and off to a nice college . I have lost ( 2 ) job in 2 years . The first layoff was a job relocation , the second job just did not work out as my manager was a micro - manager and I do not do well being micro managed . I have not remarried as it has been difficult to find a nice man that would be there for me and my son . I am engaged now to a man that I met years ago . We are at a point to plan for the wedding , etc . In our conversations , I discovered that he does not want my son to live with us ( at his house as he does not want to move ) should he not be successful in college any may have to go to a community college for a while to get back on his feet so he can figure out what college / vocation tech school to attend or live at home until he found a job after college . He has trouble dealing with my son 's disabilities . Had my son been his kid , no problem with living arrangements . His fear is that my son will live at home for forever and not go on his own . He is OK if my son lived with us between breaks and Summer only . To the contrary , my son wants to go on his own and has the ability to do so , it just takes a bit longer . My son can drive , work , keep a 3 . 7 grade point average , etc . He does lack close friends . My internal reaction is that my son needs a loving home , not abandonment like he got from his father and I need to hold off on the marriage and perhaps move on as I come as a package with my son ( not just me ) . He too has baggage as we all do . On the flip side , I am excited to look for a new job ! Reply jess says : May 1 , 2017 at 6 : 39 am Seriously i would be holding off the marriage thing , if this man cannot accept your son it will eventually end in tears . I hate to say this to you . But if the man wont accept that there is a possibility that your son may one day have to live back at home with you , then he is not the man for you . I think you have answered your own question . here . Imagine if you did marry the man and your son came home and the man didn 't want him . That would hurt so much , . you would have lost your independence , and your home , any money you had if you got divorced would have to be shared between you and the new husband . I met a man he took on my five children and two of them are high functioning ASD . We came as a package . He is a good man i married him and we are still together 11 years later . It does happen . dont settle for second best . Good luck X Reply edward b says : June 4 , 2015 at 4 : 06 pm 49 year old dad of two boys , one 26 and Autistic with mild to moderate mental retardation , second son fine 19 years old and off in college . My wife and I just cannot seem to fix anything in our marriage anymore . I have given up and her as well . Our issue is our oldest son and hiw he will react to the news when and if it comss . I have thought for years about leaving but my boys have always been the reason I stay , just getting to a point were it is so depressing just thinking about the day and having to deal with wife . Pretty bad huh that dealing with an autistic with many issues is more fun than being around wife . Reply ProfessorTMR says : June 5 , 2015 at 10 : 38 am Sigh . It can be so difficult , can 't it ? You have stayed together this long . Is there any possibility that there is some reluctance in both of you to give up entirely ? If so , it might be worth exploring that . There has to be a willingness on both sides to put down the defenses and see things in a new light . If it can 't happen , you might be surprised at your son 's reaction . He has probably long since sensed the tension and would love to see it end . Many people find that even children who are nonverbal are aware of so much more than we know . I think the hardest thing is being around my wife 's constant unflagging negativity and I am thinking about the most loving way of broaching this with her . This is something that was present before kids and it is something she seems to have inherited from her Mum . I feel so relieved when she leaves for work . A lot of her concerns are around our daughter 's health maintenance , finance etc . there isn 't room for anything except therapy / work / housework . Reply ProfessorTMR says : March 16 , 2015 at 9 : 15 pm It 's difficult , isn 't it ? There are so many things that MIGHT help IF there 's any desire on her part to actually turn things around . If the both of you can remember a time when you were " in love " that makes it all more likely . Gay Hendricks and his wife have a new newsletter called Hearts in Harmony that might be helpful : https : / / www . facebook . com / relationshipadvice ? fref = nf & pnref = story I liked this recent post they had on the Huffington Post : http : / / www . huffingtonpost . com / kathlyn - and - gay - hendricks / do - you - keep - having - the - sa _ b _ 6583042 . html Good luck ! In any event , doing the work to find the love will help whether or not you stay together . Since I wrote this , things have only gotten better between my ex and I . Reply Messy says : October 15 , 2014 at 12 : 20 pm Husband found someone . He wants to be " happy , " sorry things worked out like this , really ? What 's really messed up ; the women is a nurse ! Doesn 't want to pay me a dime . house is getting foreclosed on , the one my mother co - signed for . Our oldest is 18 , he thinks it 's not his problem . Reply Shel says : September 21 , 2014 at 2 : 13 pm I could have written this , this is exactly what I am living . Now I may loose the only security I had , my home with a 12yr . Old boy with down syndrome . Thank god he is healthy , but education is a nightmare and I 've been there every step and dad seems to hate me for it . Yes , becuz financially we r struggling , but he 's mainly just gave up feeling he is getting " jipped " sp ? Selfish and I 'm giving it my all and then some to our son . Sad story . Finding help is not easy . . Christine says : May 22 , 2013 at 10 : 11 am Well , I am one of those statistics . My ex and I separated 14 years ago when our son with Autism was 4 years old . We later found out our other child is transgender . I have been extremely fortunate to remarry to a man who is amazing . We have a six year old daughter and a 3 year old son besides our almost 18 year old and 16 year old sons . 18 year old Ryan is mostly nonverbal . My husband does everything to help including taking Ryan for bloodwork , showering him in the morning when I am running around with the younger ones or helping him with his toileting needs . Perhaps he didn 't understand everything he was taking on when he married me but he hasn 't flinched once . Perhaps by sharing this I will give hope to someone out there who is thinking they will never be able to find someone that will help them take on the challenges they have in their life . Reply Jan says : January 21 , 2013 at 7 : 32 pm The struggles couples have is one of the reasons that The ( autism ) Parent 's Retreat has been so wonderful for Literally 100s of couples over the last 17 years . This special event offers couples a chance to get away for 30 hours , to meet other couples ( a God Send for Dads some of whom have never had a conversation with another Dad , ) relax , attend small group discussions , read and for some get some much needed uninterrupted sleep . Making it even nicer is that it is a fairly small event only about 30 couples ( and a few single parents too ) there is usually dancing Saturday night and ten food is amazing . My husband and I have been very lucky and have been able to go every year . One year after the retreat he wrote me a note and told me that over the weekend he had this profound moment where he was deeply struck by his love for me and our family and that there was nothing more important than that . His words were heartfelt and very surprising to me since we had been through some hellish times in our over 20 years of marriage . Reply Professor says : January 25 , 2013 at 6 : 55 pm That sounds like a fabulous program ! In the first year after our baby died , my ex and I got a scholarship to go to a SIDS conference and meet a lot of other parents who had been through the same thing . It was HUGELY helpful . Thanks , Jan ! Reply Wayne says : January 21 , 2013 at 5 : 09 pm What is missing from the discussion of divorce or separated is all the parents that are together but act towards each other as divorced . How many families where the parents do not spend any time together and do not want to ? How many families where the parents sleep in separate rooms ? How many families where the parents only console with each other when absolutely necessary ? How many families are there where it is only for the children , a matter of convenience for the adults ? Reply Messy says : October 15 , 2014 at 12 : 34 pm # 1 Children don 't asked to be born . # 2 A child 's needs come 1st # 3 Go and talk to a professional if your having problems . # 4 Don 't compare others lives to yours ! Everyone has a different normal . I could go on … . . Reply shell says : January 21 , 2013 at 4 : 53 pm I believe that the statistic showing that up to 80 % of special needs parents are divorced is wrong … I believe it is higher when focusing on parents of Autistic children . The parents rarely have time to answer blogs . There is no proof that it is lower than 80 % , just conjecture as in the same kind of " Supposed Proof " that vaccines are safe . Safe ? How could any thinking parent see that they are safe when 1 in 6 kids are currently developmentally disabled , 1 in 5 are now neurologically impaired , 1 in 10 ADHD and so on … All which began when the US passed a law that stopped you from suing vaccine makers in regular courts and suddenly kids went from a few to more than 70 . Just in the past few weeks Vaccine court is awarding 4 more families for Autism - like symptoms as a result of vaccines . That will bring the 2 BILLION , 300 million dollars already paid way higher ! Recovering Autism , ADHD , & Special Needs , will come out in 2 weeks and it will provide help . Reply Professor says : January 21 , 2013 at 5 : 52 pm The link ( the blue word stats ) that I provided is a STUDY , not a blog , that showed divorce is only slightly more common in families with autism . Personally , my experience is that the divorce rate is about the same as that for the " general " population , but more couples may be staying together out of fear of going it alone than in the general population . That 80 % statistic is pretty familiar to me , though . I heard something very similar about parents who 've had a child die , and couples who have experienced infertility ( both things I have experienced ) . I don 't think it was anymore correct for those than it is for autism . I think the visceral fear people feel make them BELIEVE those statistics whether they are true or not . Reply Robin says : January 21 , 2013 at 11 : 48 am Today 's blog really hit home . I am a separated mom of a special needs daughter . A teenager to add more stress to the situation . Her dad has never understood her behavior , how to handle his reactions around her and the daily demands . I do it all . When they are with him it is a free for all . No rules , no food exceptions , nothing . The Disney world dad . I struggle daily trying together her on a better diet , to motivate her to do schoolwork , discipline . It is a never ending battle . Reply Professor says : January 21 , 2013 at 5 : 55 pm * sigh * As the mom of a teenager with ADHD , I totally get the never - ending battle . I understand the need for a dad who doesn 't get to see his kids often to be a " good guy " and do what he thinks the kids want , but I wish more of them put the good of their children first . Do you think there 's any possibility that you can get him to understand how important it is for your children 's sake to put their health at a higher priority ? Reply Robin says : January 22 , 2013 at 2 : 47 pm The sad thing is the dad lives right across the street and he sees the kids all the time . He blames her ADHD and Aspergers on everything . Never looking at the fact that maybe if he changed her diet and provided boundaries things would be different . He can 't stand conflict and I think he feels better when he puts her down . It is a very sad situation and very upsetting for me . I feel like . All of my efforts are down the drain after two days at dad 's . Professor says : January 25 , 2013 at 6 : 57 pm Wow . That is really sad . Unfortunately , the requirements for becoming parents don 't include maturity . Anyone who feels better putting down a child , especially a child whose self - esteem is likely to be fragile already , has no business being a parent . : - / Holly B says : January 21 , 2013 at 10 : 03 am Thanks for this , Professor . The 80 % stats were made up and have been proven a number of times to be false , but it sure feels like they are real to many of us . 🙂 My biggest advice to divorcing parents is to understand everything that 's at stake and how it can affect your child in the long run . Get EVERYTHING in writing , even things that MAY happen later . Start here - http : / / www . tacanow . org / family - resources / divorce - advice - for - special - needs - families / Reply Professor says : January 21 , 2013 at 5 : 56 pm Thanks , Holly ! So glad to have TACA 's resources available . And , yep , I think you 're right about it FEELING real . Reply Susan I says : January 21 , 2013 at 9 : 54 am Wow this really hits home for me ! ! ! I divorced 3 yrs ago . While we were married , we tackled autism together . I concentrated on biomed , while he focused on education . We both trusted each other in the beginning , but as the years wore on , that trust wore away and resentment set in . He resented that I was home all day with our son , and I resented that he was able to escape to work and interaction with normal people . By the time we actually divorced , our son 's behaviors disappeared . His ATEC had dropped from 115 to 45 due to the biomed interventions . After I divorced him , he became very resistant to any biomed . He actually tried to get the judge to make me stop all supps . Luckily the judge was smart enough not to allow this . But I am currently trying to treat parasites , and the protocol is impossible to do w / o his cooperation . And like your ex , he fills him up with sugar every other weekend and every Wed night . SUCKS ! ! ! Reply Professor says : January 21 , 2013 at 5 : 58 pm * sigh * Oh , Susan , I feel for you . Treating parasites seems to be really important ( if the experience of Thinking Moms can be trusted , and usually it can ) , but it has got to be really hard to accomplish on your own . I 'm going to say a prayer that your ex sees the light . Reply Michelle Banicki says : January 21 , 2013 at 9 : 37 am Wow , this one hit so close to home for me . Very similar situation , I 've been separated for 2 years now . I was the parent , after diagnosis , who jumped in head first and took on 100 % of the responsibilities , biomed , DAN doctor appointments out of state alone , school IEP meetings alone , therapy , etc . The situation became ugly when I 'd have to spend what the ex referred to as " his money " and spent too much time catering to my son with autism and a neuro - typical baby girl . We had zero time for each other , I was exhausted . Depression turned into anger with him and eventually denial , he turned to drugs and after 2 years of battling he eventually became abusive . So besides the stress of autism and going at it alone , I now had a husband I couldn 't count on at all and dealt with domestic violence . He refused counseling . My son was regressing and both kids were having nightmares and wetting the bed constantly . He 'd get angry when our son would get into something he shouldn 't and call him " the retard . " I couldn 't take it anymore and trying to make him happy was taking a toll on my son 's recovery process . He later admitted to me he wasn 't in love with me anymore after all the stress I had put HIM through and we went our separate ways . It was heartbreaking , but I found a wonderful man who has been nothing short of amazing . He has a special bond with my son and he 's making more progress now that ever before . My kids are happy , thriving , and my son is meeting new goals and achieving milestones at an amazing pace now . There is a light at the end of the tunnel . Reply Professor says : January 21 , 2013 at 5 : 59 pm What a great story , Michelle ! And what an inspiration for those who are now where you were then . Thanks so much for writing ! Reply Diana Gonzales says : January 21 , 2013 at 9 : 24 am I 'm so glad you found love again ! My story 's a little different though . I found out I was pregnant for LoRenzo the night after my ex 's sister and mother 's funeral . My childrens ' grandma and aunt were murdered … over 20 dollars . This , of course along with the extra pressure of a new baby and then custody of his sister 's son , court proceedings , sentencing of the murderer , more court proceedings and interviews to finalize custody . He really wasn 't paying attention to what was going on with our son . His life became a downward spiral . I was left alone with our kids as soon as I got off work so he could go find the answers to life 's woes in a bottle . I wanted him to come back , afterall we went from having a healthy 5 mo old baby girl to adding a traumatized 5 yr old who found his mama and nana and the a baby that at 2 mo got very sick and only got worse every time he had a " well check " . I noticed that my health was not what it used to be either . My hair was falling out , I was depressed ant fatigued and my heart started to do crazy things in my chest when I had any heightened emotion , like the new fear of going to work and leaving the kids with an alcohlic . As much as I loved him , after a year of waiting for him to snap out of it , I left an 11 yr relationship . He wouldn 't allow me to take his nephew and that was sad for all of us . But mostly the child who was bounced around with no stability and nothing to count on but a drunk uncle . It 's scary to do this by yourself , I won 't lie . So scary that I went into Vfib … 2x . But there was no other alternative . It has been a solid six yrs of being on my own with my kids . LoRenzo is getting better and because he is getting better , I 'm getting better ! I recently had the cardiac loop recorder removed and taken off all heart meds and yes I still take med for anxiety but I can 't risk the alternative . My ex has recently given me the child that he kept so spitefully years ago and I have now a 13 yr oldReply Professor says : January 21 , 2013 at 6 : 05 pm Diana , I 've been reading your comments ( and status updates on Facebook ) and they 're always so inspiring . I KNOW that there 's a great partner out there for you . Your energy is very attractive . So glad to hear that your health is improving as is LoRenzo 's . Lisa says : January 21 , 2013 at 9 : 10 am Great points … as a divorced mom of a child with autism , I can say that it is more often than not easier to deal with the autism now as a single parent than when I was married . There was the constant disappointment of not having any real help addressing the autism , not having the partner who pledged in front of our family and friends to be by my side , and not having him at least try to pick up the financial slack that my being forced to work part - time had done to our situation . I felt so relieved when it was over - it was one less " thing " that I did not have to deal with . And then when could I deal with more effectively ? The autism . My son started to get better . My appreciation for being a good mom got better . Sure , there are hard days , and I can 't say I am flush with funds . But I am flush with respect for my autism journey , and what I have been through . I know truly who I can and cannot count on in my world right now . My son and I are like the Baltimore Ravens , a comeback team . We never say never , and we will never quit . Reply Professor says : January 21 , 2013 at 6 : 07 pm Thanks , Lisa ! You have a great perspective . It CAN be a relief to acknowledge what was true all along , and no longer have to fight the person who is supposed to be your partner in life . Reply Kelly says : January 26 , 2013 at 1 : 03 pm Yes ! I felt the same way and thought I was crazy . It truly is a relief to not have to deal with the disappointment from my ex not meeting expectations . I have sole custody of my twin boys ( one mild , one moderate ) and we are doing BETTER without the ex in the house . His sister commented last week that I seemed so relaxed and that she was truly happy for me and the boys . It is because I now accept and take all responsibility for them . Now , when the ex does come through for us , it is a happy surprise . Amazing what a shift of perspective can do ! I do wonder if I ever will meet someone , but for now , not a priority . I can peek on Match . com without being a paying member ! LOL ! Reply Professor says : February 4 , 2013 at 6 : 57 pm I met my honey on okCupid . com . Free to join ! ( You have to get the hang of it , though , and that can take a while . ) Leave a Reply Cancel reply Your email address will not be published . Required fields are marked * Comment Name * Email * Website Notify me of follow - up comments by email . 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so friday night was a big ego boost for your muser . i did finally go out karaokeing w / Bikermommy and Pappy and their rowdy biker friends . we went to this one place that has a number of different hangouts . . . we went to the karaoke bar . there was also a hip - hoppy / 80s pop & punk spot where i think people were supposed to dance , but mostly people just trekked through on their way to the bathroom . there was also a C / W dancing bar , and there were a lot of people in there . and a sports bar , which had no people but is where Bikey and i got our dinner around 11 p . m . neither of us had eaten since lunch , and my blood sugar had taken a dive , as it tends to do when i skip meals , so we were able to get the kitchen 's last batch of chips , queso and salsa ( Pace , right out of the can - - get a rope , where are we , New York ? ) . so yeah , as always , i was a microphone hog at the karaoke place , but i wasn 't even the biggest one in the place . there was this one guy named Jack who sang like every third song , and then Pappy himself , along w / his good buddy Randy , was up on stage a lot . it was cute , they got up there and sang Brown Eyed Girl , and every time they got to the color of her eyes , Pappy would point at Bikermommy and say " Blue Eyed Girl " , and Bikey and i kept yelling " they 're green ! Pappy , they 're green ! " but he was just so proud of himself every time he changed the words that we just giggled at his colorblindity . then there was me . i started with Martina McBride 's Independence Day , in honor of Sean Hannity , whom i heart . everyone said i was great , but i thought it stunk . oh well . so next time around , i dueted on Summer Nights ( from Grease ) w / Randy , and it was quite good , if i say so myself . we really got into it and got a great response from the crowd . - - Pause - - ok , this karaoke bar has about 5 people who work there and are onstage practically the whole time and kinda control the whole who - goes - next thing ( and no , they don 't go by the order you sign up , as i learned near the end of the night ) . fine , whatever , that 's nice . and so at some point i also sang Born to Fly by Sara Evans , and at the constant behest pestering of Randy , i got up there with Bikey , and we sang Black Velvet . i wasn 't going to sing it by myself , because i couldn 't remember anything but the chorus . but as soon as i saw the words , it was all good . i did I Will Survive , that was fun . and finally , last song of the night , i signed up to sing Avril 's Sk8er Boi . haha . and i waited . and waited . and waited . and looked up on the little flourescent marker board where they were writing our names , and my name was on there , but it wasn 't getting any closer to being at the top of the list . hmm . i started watching what they were doing at the song changes , and sure enough , they were skipping me and pulling the names under mine . WELL I NEVER ! but that kinda made me feel good , because i knew the reason they were doing it was because they didn 't like being shown up . : ) in fact , when they finally decided to start moving my name up the list , Pottie Central girl and this other girl who sings really well had to discuss it and kept looking at each other like , " well ? should we let her on again ? " and it wasn 't like i was being rude to them . i always smirked smiled when they were singing and when i was finished w / one of my songs . hmmph . somewhere along in there , Bikey and i had gone to Pottie Central , and on our way back , there was a group of 3 or 4 guys standing in hip - hoppy bar that stopped talking and just turned to stare . let me tell ya , i was feeling good . and after i sat back down at my table , this one guy came and introduced himself ( Dwayne , yep , i 'm in Texas ) and told me he 'd seen me from the other room and came to ask me to dance . ! ! ! after such flattery , i even almost said yes , but remembered that 1 ) i 'm not a dancer , and 2 ) i was going to be singing soon . i thanked him and told him as much , and he promised to come back in and hear me sing . i felt good , but he never came back to hear me sing . oh well . on to yesterday . after sitting in a smoky bar w / Bikey 's smoky friends ( i think Bikey and my Aunt Carol might be the only ones who don 't smoke ) , i showered immediately when i got home Friday night and went promptly to sleep without setting an alarm . so i woke up at 9 : 30 , which didn 't suit my hiking at 7 a . m . i went anyway . it 's not smart to hike in the heat of day , but first off , i really need to get some color on these pasty white legs , and second , i need to get some fluff off . so i started around 11 , and oh my goodness , was it hot . it was 105 , and in the bare open canyon with the sun reflecting off the rocks and the sand , it was even hotter . that was fine , i 'd brought 2 liters of gatorade and sucked on my little hydration pack straw the whole time , so i stayed hydrated . i stopped at every single shaded area ( and there aren 't many ) on the trail , which was 6 miles round trip . it took me about 4 . 5 hours , which i expected , since i knew i 'd be hoofin ' it in the high sun ; i was disappointed that there was no water along the trail , especially when i ran out with about a mile left , and this other family also ran out , and their little girl wasn 't doing so well . all i can say is my hiking buddy on the Grand Canyon trip better be more responsible than i am about waking up early , or we 'll never make it to the river by dark . Sunday , August 01 , 2004 at 05 : 54 PM in random stories | Permalink the summer after 7th , 8th or 9th grade ( don 't remember which ) , i went to church camp at Cisco , Texas , per usual . on the first evening at camp , i was walking with my friend Jennifer across the outfield of the softball field ; we were on our way to the Mess Hall , where everyone was gathering for a counselors v . campers softball game . the counselors were already practicing , as it usually took lots of warming up for those old fogeys to be able to even keep pace with us younguns . one of the big hefty fellers was at the plate , and i was half watching him and half listening to Jennifer ramble on ( probably about Aaron , on whom we both had serious mad crushes - - sad , really , i heard he grew up to be a Liberal , poor guy ) . Counselor at the Bat smacked the ball into left field , which was the precise field on which Jennifer and i now strolled . we turned to track the ball so as not to get hit , except Jennifer forgot what you 're supposed to do when you realize you have a fast hard projectile zooming toward you . i , sharp SarahK , stepped aside until i saw Jennifer standing stiff as Lot 's wife , frozen in place . and the ball kept coming . right toward her . and she wasn 't moving . after you arrive at the North Rim and pay your entry fee , you drive another eleven or so miles through the most beautiful meadows you 've ever seen ; they roll on and on and are surrounded by and interspersed with breathtakingly fabulous forests of aspen and evergreen trees . absolutely magnificent . Sandy and i even saw a fox trotting through the meadows on our way in . wicked cool . our first stop inside the Rim was at the Backcountry Permits Office for our camping permit . when we first entered the office ( translation : tiny trailer ) , there were a couple of British chaps applying for their permit ; i resisted the urge to ask , " say , do you know my pen pal David ? he lives in England . tall , dark blonde hair , cute son . ever met him ? " when they left , it was our turn to apply , and my turn to . . . gaze . . . upon the beauty that is Brian the Park Ranger . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . sorry , the angels singing around my vision of him were so loud , i got caught up in the music . continuing . . . we told Brian the Beautiful that we wanted to camp at the river tonight ; he gave us a not - so - subtle once - over and said , " you can 't hike to the river in one day . " what was it ? the fact that we intended to hike in long pants ? was it the air of cluelessness emitting from our every pore ? the fact that Sandy wore full makeup , a pretty little scarf and big hoop earrings more suited for a trip to the mall than an overnight wilderness trek ? my twenty - one pounds of extra padding and overall puffiness ? however he did it , Brian the Beloved accurately pegged us as the exact opposite of people who could / should hike fourteen miles to the river in one hot summer day . but we weren 't giving up our week - long dream without a fight . " why can 't we hike to the river ? " " well , first off , the temperatures in the Canyon are going to be over a hundred degrees , and you really shouldn 't hike in this heat between 10 a . m . and 4 p . m . " wha - huh ? " oh , well , we have plenty of water , we 'll be fine . we really want to hike to the river . " i think Sandy was doing all the talking , because i was just alternating between gazing upon this beauteous man and wiping drool off my chin and mumbling something akin to " yummmmmmmmm " . Hot Cakes wasn 't giving in , that stubborn doll . " i really don 't think you should hike to the river . have you considered day - hiking ? " all the air was sucked out of that little trailer and into Sandy 's and my lungs ; that was most insulting , and if he wasn 't so distractingly hot . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . where was i ? oh yes , i might have been offended . switching to our fall - back unison mode , we stated our desire to abandon all reason and hike to the Colorado River . " oh no . we didn 't come to day - hike , we came to camp . besides , we didn 't bring day - packs , we brought 2 - day packs , so we wouldn 't have the proper equipment for that . " Brian the Lovely now looked mildly amused . " to hike to the river in one day , you would have needed to start at 5 a . m . " calling SarahK ! come and say something stupid ! here i said , " but the permits office doesn 't open until 8 . " Sweet Sweet Brian just looked at me as if to say , " hey , baby , wanna go out ? i love you . " . . . . . . . sorry , dream mode again . he really looked at me like , " there 's such a thing as getting the permit ahead of time , " but that nice man just smiled politely and pulled out a map of the Rim trails . " have you considered hiking to Cottonwood ? " Sandy asked if Cottonwood equals river . " no , it 's not the river , but it is at the bottom of the Canyon . " Sandy and i exchanged glances , then Sandy said , " we really want to hike to the river . " Patient Park Hotness stated that he really didn 't recommend that and told us that if we really wanted to hike to the river , we would need at least two nights . thwe had to excuse ourselves to discuss without the distraction of . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . um . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . sorry . without the distraction of Brian the Babely and all that intellect he was using on us . we decided , once again , that this silly park ranger was wrong , and we were going to the river . back inside once again , we informed Brian the Pale - Green - Eyed Darling of our decision , so as a last gasp , he showed us on the map how the greatest amount of altitude drop occurs between the rim and Camp Cottonwood , so really we would be going to the bottom of the canyon ( while still accomplishing our goal of not dying ) if we would but agree to camp at Cottonwood . Sandy and I picked up our packs . scratch that , we tried to pick up our packs , then reminded each other to lift with our legs and not with our backs , tried again using the safer method and somehow lifted the packs off the floor . we looked at each other . i said , " we 'll get used to the weight once we get going , right ? " and heard Sandy 's very distinct nervous laugh , not a good sign ; i then joined the nervous laughter , a worse sign . we looked at each other with severe doubt , laughed some more , reminded ourselves that the weight was necessary so we wouldn 't die of dehydration and trudged heavily out the door . i think the distance from the family room to the front door is something like ten feet , and by about foot # 8 , we were sweating and panting . and laughing . that high - pitched , shrill nervous laugh that Sandy is famous for . a side note : when the two of us get tickled , we laugh in unison . the first time this ever happened , we were watching the NCAA championship football game at the preacher 's house , and Sandy was showing me some old pictures she 'd just had developed . she showed me one picture that was particularly funny , and i asked an even funnier question about the picture and she started to guffaw . and it is a most contagious guffaw . i started to laugh , too , and after about three seconds , we were cackling in unison . and we could . not . stop . same tempo , same pitch , same tone . we laughed until we cried , and we cried until the whole room was looking at us and silently begging us to take it outside . so we went outside and jumped on the trampoline , two out - of - shape , wacky , immature 26 - year olds , laughing and bouncing and crying and falling , all of it in unison . that was a great evening . so we nervous - laughed ourselves all the way to the Explorer ; we opened the back hatch and dropped our packs off our already - tired shoulders into the back . my pack was hanging off the edge of the cargo area , and i tried to push it in with both arms and failed ; i had to push the thing in with my foot , and even that was difficult . and last i checked , i could leg - press 420 pounds . happy to be rid of the packs for the two - hour drive to the Canyon , we got in the car and started our journey . a few miles down the road , Sandy said , " my right arm is tingling . " i , of course , didn 't think this had anything to do with anything , so i nodded and uh - huhed and continued bobbing my head to the music . about a half - hour into our drive , Sandy again commented on her physical status . " uh , Sarah , my entire right side is numb . " " oh , i 'm sure it 's fine , you probably just had a stroke . " " no , i think our packs are too heavy . when we get there , i 'm going to ask them to check our packs and see if they 're packed right . " " no ! don 't do that ! " " why not ? " " i don 't want them to think we 're inexperienced hikers ! " " uh , Sarah , we are . " " well , yeah , but they don 't need to know that ! ! " Sandy might have laughed at me at this point . we drove from St . George into northern Arizona , and if you 've ever been to northern Arizona , you know that there is not a gas station or other house of pee between Colorado City and , um , the North Rim . and Colorado City creeps me out , so i like to not stop there if i can avoid it . as would be expected by anyone who knows how tiny my bladder is , i really needed to go about an hour and a half into the drive ; i thought i 'd try to hold it until we reached the Rim , but the pressure was much like that behind a cork on a champagne bottle , and i did not want to hear a little " Pop ! " followed by a lot of fizzing ; so i asked Sandy to stop the car . " what ? why ? " " i 've gotta pee . " " ooooooookay ? and where should i stop ? there aren 't any gas stations around here . " " just find a tall bush and pull over somewhere near it . " " you mean , you 're going to go behind a bush ? " " uh , yep . " " Seeehhh - raaaahh ! you 're joking , right ? " " no , i 'm not joking ! what , you 've never squatted behind a bush ? " " NOOOOO ! never in my life ! " " what 'd you do on road trips with your family when you were on a long stretch of highway with no bathrooms ? " " we waited . " " seriously . even Timothy ? your dad ? " " yes ! we would never ! " " well , i know Nina wouldn 't . " Nina likes to be clean . this went on for a while before i finally convinced Sandy to pull over . the thing about the bushes in northern Arizona : they don 't grow very tall . but they are quite soft , as i can attest . after Sandy parked the car beside the road , i retrieved some necessities from my pack : the little tiny toilet paper , a ziplock bag for used TP , antibacterial hand gel , dignity . . . hmm , scratch the dignity . i trodded off behind the tallest bush i could find , and believe you me , it was no taller than twenty - four inches , if that , and those soft pale green bushes are most definitely see - thru . now , Sandy was supposed to sit quietly in the car and wait for my return ; i think they could hear her in Texas , she laughed so loud . this concept of peeing behind a bush was absolutely hysterical to her , so while i was droppithe remainder of our drive was uneventful unless you count the occasional outburst of giggles from Sandy , who was still hiccupping over my display of , um , decorum ? last summer i decided to go to Utah for my birthday week . my dearest friend Sandy was there to visit her parents , and i seriously needed a vacation from work , Fort Worth and this little thing called ugly ugly divorce . so i saw DMB in Dallas on friday night , and saturday morning ( my birthday ) , i took off for St . George . i stopped by Sandy 's and got my Harry Potter book from Sean - o , who also gave me a huge plateful of brownies to take to Sandy & the kids . Mwahahahahaha , i had brownies ! so off i went in the comfort of the Explorer , just me , my book , mySandy 's brownies , a case of water , a case of cokes , my fabulous mix cds and my brand - new hiking gear . see , Sandy had called me after she 'd already dipped down to the North Rim with her family and told me that she 'd always wanted to hike the Grand Canyon . " would you want to go hike it with me when you 're here ? " she asked . " yeah , that would be awesome ! " " oh , good , i was hoping you 'd say that , because you 're the only person i know who 's dumb enough to hike it with me . " love you too . i stayed Saturday night in Amarillo and karaoked much with Bikermommy and Pappy . Sunday i drove to Flagstaff and immediately fell in love with it and decided that is where i shall someday make my home ; en route to Flag , i stopped and took my own picture at the continental divide . i arrived in St . George on Monday , and Sandy and i spent much of our week preparing for our hike . we read Grand Canyon National Park 's entire website and took it all very seriously . now , i 'd never been on an extended hike in my life ; sure , there had been hikes through the woods , little day - hikes in the mountains , all - day rock - climbing trips and the hikes to middle school ( uphill in the snowblistering heat both ways , i tell ya ! ) , but no overnight vertical hikes in steep , scary places . and though i 'd been to church camp and stayed in those screened - in , rickety , scorpion - filled cabins many a summer , i 'd never actually camped in a tent , and certainly never without camp counselor supervision ! nor had Sandy . so we were determined to not be that guy in the picture on the website that they 're trying to resuscitate because he was a moron and didn 't appropriately prepare for his hike ! we went to Wal - Mart and scoured every inch of the store to make sure we didn 't miss any essential items . in the food department , we bought lots of tropical trail mix ( Wal - Mart 's brand , and lemme tell ya , that is by far the best trail mix out there ) , beef jerky , some little canned dinners , Gatorade , Chex Mix , cheese & crackers , Power Bars , trail mix bars and water . oh , did we buy water . still at Wal - Mart , we procured ourselves a tent - - let me tell you about my tent while i 'm here . this is the lightest , most handy little tent ever ( based on my extensive experience with exactly one tent ) ! i bought it for seventeen bucks , and it weighs maybe three pounds ; a 5x6 junior tent ( plenty tall for my 5 - foot frame ) that does what it needs to do , has the cutest and tiniest rain fly and is truly so light that it bounces when dropped on the ground . a great buy . anyway , we picked up a first - aid kit , a garden spade ( yes , a garden spade ) , a bottle of iodine , little freezer pack thingies to keep the water cold ( no , i 'm not joking ) , cargo - ish pants ( because you always wear long pants when you hike in the Grand Hot Canyon at the end of July , right ? ) , t - shirts , toothpaste gum ( because while a garden spade is essential , there is just no room for a toothbrush in a 2 - day pack ) , baby wipes . we got up early Thursday morning , got the other half of our water out of the freezer and ditched the freezer pack thingies . the packs looked heavy , yes , but we were quite sure that we would need four 20 - ounce bottles of Gatorade as well as 20 bottles of water . each . all packed up , we were ready to leave the house . so i did it . i did the deed ; i totally kicked that lawn 's butt . for the first time in my life , i mowed a lawn . without adult supervision . hooray for me ! ! it only took a reader sending me detailed instructions and diagrams ( thanks Drew ) , a call to Spydaddy since it used to be his mower , a call to Bikermommy to find out where in the world she hid all my flat - head screwdrivers , a trip to Home Depot for a gas can , a trip to the gas station and like three hours . did i mention that i only got my front lawn mowed ? yeah . 2 . that 's the first thing you should do . . . add new gasoline . and the second thing you should do is feel really stupid that after two days of trying , the thing that got the dumb machine going was gasoline . 5 . once that happens , you should do what i did . start kicking the engine really hard , jump up and down screaming and crying , then throw yourself on the ground and pound your fists and feet against the yard over and over ; this won 't really do anything to get the mower started , especially if you live in my neighborhood , where everyone 's really nice but seems to disappear at the first sign of mower trouble . alternatively , you can grab your flathead , open up the air filter thingy ( after first checking it to see if it 's hot ) and check to see how icky the filter is . if the whole bottom of the filter is caked in sludgy oil , just go ahead , get your hands dirty ( paper towels are for sissies , i tell ya ) and wipe the thing off . i recommend not wiping the chunks of nastiness onto the grass - - wipe ' em onto the mower . 13 . speaking of feeling manly , if you 're a woman and , by some cruel injustice , have to mow the lawn , you should come straight inside when you 're done and curl your hair . after you clean your fingernails . well , i wanted to post something for you musees , but i 've got auditing to do , so i dug up this story for you . it 's about me , happened in Chicago . . . . mmm . . . . 2 or 3 years ago ? i sent my friend Cindy the story in email and recycle it here , with very few changes . anyway , i hope you enjoy it . sunday morning i went to church . i had looked up a church on the internet , the only church of Christ that appeared to be close enough to where i was staying . note i said APPEARED to be close enough . so i took the train to downtown and walked about 10 - 13 blocks in uncomfortable shoes , then i took a cab the rest of the way to this church . as we got closer , i realized it was in the hood ; in fact , as we got closer to the church building , there were small gatherings of folks standing around on street corners , and they ALL looked at me like , " what 's she doing here ? " . when the cab arrived at the church building , the cabbie turned around to me and said , " uh , ma ' am ? do you want to stay ? " " of course i do . have a nice day . " then when i got out of the cab , i realized that it was a black church ; i knew i was in for an interesting treat and was looking most forward to this , as i 'd never worshipped at a black church before . so . worship began , and we sang for at least an hour and a half before the preacher ever got up to preach , which was totally cool , because we know i LOVE to sing , especially in worship to God . so the preacher got up , and he decided that the church was too dead today , so he suggested we sing some more . so we sang a few more songs at people 's requests ( ladies next to me were yelling out that they wanted to sing Our God , He is Alive , everyone was shouting their suggestions . i was just standing there looking white . ) . then finally the sermon , and i was sure that i was mistaken when i looked at a man 's watch and it was almost noon . i knew that had to be wrong , because it didn 't seem like we 'd been there for almost 2 hours . church started at 10 : 15 . after the sermon , they had 10 - 15 responses , 1 baptism . now , in a good month at the churches i 've traditionally attended , there would be one response to the Lord 's invitation , and maybe a baptism every few months . sad , but true . and here at this church , i was getting a year 's worth of responses . very awesome . now . if you respond to the invitation , they hand you a microphone and you get up in front of everyone and speak your piece . tell the church you 've sinned , repented . ask for prayers for your surgery . whatever . this was also new to me , as we generally crouch down in the front pew , write something on the card and let the preacher read it for us , you know what i mean . oh ! i got to clap after the baptism . woohoo ! then the offering . no , wait , 2 offerings . they passed the buckets once , then they decided they would pass them again . that tripped me out . i didn 't give the second time . i later learned that the 2nd one was to pay the guest preacher ( who knew ? well , everyone but me . ) . then the communion ( smart , have it after 3 hours , so you can 't take communion and then leave , like if you want to get home to watch the cowboys game ) . then the preacher asked all the visitors on the left side to stand up . i was the only one , but before i ever stood up , every eye in the place was looking at me . they knew i was a visitor ; wonder what tipped them off ? see , normally , if they ask the visitors to stand up , i can twiddle my thumbs , whistle innocently , slink down in the pew so as not to be noticed . i know y ' all will be shocked to hear this , but i 'm quite shy in a crowd , unless i 'm singin ' . so i stood up , glanced around and waved , still wondering where the white people are hiding , and sat back down . the preacher motioned for me to get back up . uh , ok . so i stood back up . THEY BROUGHT ME THE MICROPHONE so i could say something . i didn 't want to take the microphone and say " women are supposed to be silent in church , and I ' M SHY ! " and give it right back , and i doubted they wanted me to bust out in a celine dion impersonation , so i introduced myself , said where i was from , said i 'd looked them up on the internet , uplifting worship , gave a nervous laugh , handed the microphone right back , sat down real quickly to the collective " awwwwww " that swept the congregation . sweet little white girl . when we got in the car to leave ( a nice lady had introduced herself during the intermission and offered to give me a ride afterward back to the mall , where i intended to shop ) , i noticed that it was 1 : 30 . The worship had lasted over 3 hours ! The great thing about it was that it didn 't seem like that long , because i was worshipping , and no one was looking at a watch wondering about the pot roast in the oven or the football game that they were missing . it was the darkest time of my life . it began suddenly , without clear foresight of thought and with complete disregard of my personal happiness . i let this dark lifestyle rule me for two entire years before i finally realized that there are some things you always take risks for . one sunday morning in september , 1997 , i awoke to a very uncomfortable pain in each side ; i had fallen asleep on the couch the night before , so i figured i just slept wrong . it was a strange pain , one i couldn 't remember ever having . i tried to ignore the pain , tried to think about other things , pretended it wasn 't there . i was a senior in college , taking 18 hours and working 20 , so i easily found distractions . but when i had nothing on my mind , a lull in my brain activity , the pain would present itself as if it had never left . my ailment grew , exaggerated itself with every step i took , punished me if i skipped to geology or jumped up too quickly at the end of advanced accounting . the pain compounded itself and refused to subside . by wednesday , i walked at a crawling pace so as not to awake the demon living in my sides ; i finally made an appointment with my doctor for friday , and friday could not come quickly enough . i ate spaghetti for dinner wednesday night and gingerly made my way to bed . in the middle of wednesday night , the nausea awakened me with brute force ; i was immediately in the bathroom , head hung over the toilet , crying and puking and holding my sides . i prayed that someone would kick me in the shins or stomp on my toes , anything to stop the excruciating hurt this devil was putting on me . i saw my dinner , intact , and that scared me , because i realized i was not digesting food . what was wrong with me ? the psycho X called the doctor at first light thursday morning and insisted that they see me right away . so someone ( i don 't remember who ) drove me to the doctor 's office thursday morning , which in retrospect was a little silly ; i should have been in the emergency room . i was a pathetic mess in the waiting room , my body haphazardly splayed across a chair , legs extended , head thrown back , eyes closed , tongue hanging out , glass of water for nursing barely hanging on in my careless grip . they worked me in right away with the on - call doc , whom i worship to this day . the doc came in and started checking me out . i was running a high fever . he started listening to my heart and lungs , checking my glands , prodding different spots on my fragile bod . he sat me up and karate - chopped my back ; the devil started thrashing about and hissing , and the doctor only survived my doing the same because i was too weak to inflict real pain . had i owned one ounce of strength , i would have body - slammed the good doc and asked him politely to never do that again . instead i just yelped , and he stopped torturing me . doctor H let me lie back down and asked if i would let him feel around my stomach . " uh - huh . " like i could have stopped him . he started pushing around and asked if i would mind unbuttoning my shorts so he could feel around my ovaries . " doctor , i will strip naked and dance on this table for you if you will just make the pain stop . " he laughed at that and said that wouldn 't be necessary . doctor H told me there were four possibilities : mono , pneumonia , a kidney infection or pregnancy . i never thought i would pray to have pneumonia , but i was . " please God , don 't let me be pregnant , anything but that . please let me have pneumonia instead . " i 'm not lying . he went away for about an hour , and i covered my eyes from the stupid bright lights that they put in doctors ' offices just to torture patients and went to sleep . when the doc came back , he told me i had a kidney infection , and i almost kissed him . he also told me that if i 'd waited any longer to come in , he would have had to hospitalize me . instead , he put me on floxin ( a cipro relative ) and vicodin for the pain . the recovery process was an unfortunate sequence of events . the meds he gave me said to take 1 antibiotic pill per day and up to 2 vicodin pills ; i did exactly the opposite and took the floxin twice and the vicodin once . i do not recommend this , as the puking recommenced and did not stop for a couple of days . incorrectly medicating myself also caused me to swear off of V - 8 Splash for a long time , as i first tried it during my pukefest . so i quit . cold turkey . no cokes ( for you non - Texans , that means no soft drinks , pop , sodas ) . ever . not even small little sips from someone else 's can when they weren 't looking . zilch - o on the coke - o . those were dark times ; i didn 't know just how dark and miserable my life was until 1999 when i popped the top on a Coca - Cola Classic and took my first drink of that hard , bitter goodness . i 've never tasted anything so wonderful in my entire life . i don 't need to tell y ' all that i will never turn my back on Cokes again . so i 'm blogging in MS Word during the storm , since i 'm at Bikey 's and Pappy 's warehouse and have but one possession to my name that i know of . see , we were at my house when this monster storm hit , and now we 're at the warehouse waiting it out . when it passes by , we 'll go see if the ' Splorer is thrashed and if my kitties will EVER come out from under my bed . anyway , here 's how the story begins . . . so today when i got home , Bikey was just finishing up cleaning the guest house . ok , is it not the coolest thing that i rent a 2 - br house for $ 600 / mo , and it has a guest house with a bathroom & a shower ? rockin ' . anyway , Bikey had cleaned the guest house , and we 'd spent about an hour taking all my jeweling supplies and floral supplies out there and were working on decorating my bathroom in the main house . i love saying that , the main house . Minerva shot past me fast as lightning - I have NEVER seen her move like that - straight under my bed . Bikermommy came barreling out of the kitchen , screaming , SAAAAAAARRAAAAAAHHHHHH ! ! ! ! DOOOOON ' T PANIIIIIIIIIIIICK ! ! ! yeah , ok , Bikey , i 'll stay calm like you . : - ) so i 'm going , " duh , are those tornado sirens ? " to which Bikey responds , " YESSSSSS ! GET INTO MY CAR ! ! GO , OH NO , NICOLE IS OUTSIDE ! ! " now that 's just great , because when Nicole freaks out , she goes with her instincts and avoids all human contact ; not this time , though . Bikey opened the back door and started trying to coax Nicole back in the house . " NICOOOOOOLE , GET INSIIIIIIDE , RIGHT NOOOOOOW ! ! " [ Bikey 's note here : " well , i wanted her safe ! " ] anyway , Nicole looked at Bikermommy like , " um , i 'm not sure which is worse . the screaming banshees outside , or the one shouting at me from the back door . " so Nicole stood there in the yard just staring toward the door , frozen with huge eyes . i got to the door and tried to coax her with my sweet voice ; no go , she intently stared at me as though she wanted to come to me , but she was firmly planted in the middle of the backyard . so i walked verrrrry sloooooowly to Nicole in the backyard during this horrendous storm with the sirens blaring all around me , took my sweet little time . when i got to Nicole , i scooped her up and ran like mad . dumped the cat in the house , Bikermommy was yelling to get in the Jeep , we were going to the warehouse . my first thought was , " is it a good idea to be on the road during a tornado - producing hailstorm ? " but as soon as i finished that thought , i was getting close to the front door , and my only thought was , " COMPUTER ! " , which happened to be close to the door . i pulled the power cord out of it , closed the top and lovingly cradled it in my arms as i ran for the car . if i got away from the house with nothing else , the computer was going with me . so Bikey and i jumped into the Jeep , and oh , if i thought the storm was scary , i was not reflecting on the Bikey driving that would ensue . i think she was going through my neighborhood at 60 or so , and once we got away from the houses , she got faster . yeah , so after we turned north toward the warehouse , Bikey and i got a chance to really look at the storm ; lightning was fabulously crashing all around , and later the weatherman said that this was one of the most electrical of storms he had ever seen . the sky looked amazing , and when we looked to the southwest , we could see clouds trying to funnel and a wall of them trying to touch down . neat - o , right ? yeah , except , that Bikermommy was running every red light in town in the following fashion : but first we went to my house to check on everything ; i was hoping to have an excuse to go ahead and get my Kia , but everything was cool . we were there a few minutes before we heard that we needed to go back for storm # 2 . so we got to my house ( again ) around 10 : 30 , and all was well . the cats are good , my stuff is fine , and i 'm alive and immeasurably blessed . i have some really cool scars on my knee and forearm . in July 2001 ? 2000 ? don 't remember , not important . anyway , we had a family reunion in Ruidoso some July , and i was soooo excited to be in the mountains ; we got to golf twice at a beautiful golf course ( i shot a 65 . . . on 9 holes ) , and the weather in the mornings was perfect for a nice long run . so i took off and told Spidade that if i wasn 't home within an hour , he should come looking for me . oh ! i remember , it was 2001 . anyway , i took a long route around the golf course , one with major hills ( my favorites ) and few flats ( nothing more boring than running flats ) . i had just finished running up this awesome hill and turned the corner ; now i was starting to descend . . . some stupid dog started barking at me very loudly and sounding very close . . . i looked over to see if he was behind a fence ( he was ) , and i tripped on a rock in my path while my eyes were diverted . busted my knee up something awful . i was about a mile and a half from the cabin , and i started walking back ; wow , did it hurt to walk , and i was pouring blood out of my knee like mad . i just kept wishing that the hour would pass quickly so Spidade would come find me . . . finally , when i was about a block from the cabin , i saw him turn the corner as i was walking into a grocery store to buy some bandages and alkeyhol ( woo , pouring that stuff on hurt like the dickens , too ) . eh . so that boo - boo healed up ( almost ) , and i went bike riding with Cindy about a month later ; while we were riding , it started raining , and we were far far from her house . we liked to take loooooooong bike rides so we could feel all tough and skinny and what - not and have plenty of excuses to go have lots of sausage rolls at Busy B 's . so we were trying to get back to her place so we could get into dry clothes , and we were going fairly fast . Cindy decided to turn into a parking lot for . . . . why ? i don 't know either . anyway , she turned into the parking lot , and i tried to do the same . my bike tire got caught on the 1 - inch lip in the concrete that separated the road from the parking lot , and the bike went down , and i with it . it was the worst bike crash in the history of man . Tour de France crashes ? bah , they got nuthin ' on me . right forearm was skinned mutilated beyond compare , and i still have a beautiful scar there . the knee from the mountain spill was re - opened and improved upon ; that hurt . and then there was my right thigh . do you remember on A League of Their Own how the girl slid into 3rd base and had a massive black bruise covering her entire thigh ? yeah , i had one of those too . it hurt to walk , hurt to sit , hurt especially to ride the bike the rest of the way back to Cindy 's ( 3 or 4 miles ) . i crashed my bike in August ; that bruise was so ugly and so beautiful , and it finally faded the next February . * sigh * it was the coolest bike crash ever . Thursday , June 17 , 2004 at 07 : 37 AM in random stories | Permalink please keep the comments " cussin ' " - free , and no taking of the Lord 's name in vain ( including in initials form and in euphemistic form ) . my grama reads my blog , and i don 't like those words either . if you post something i don 't like , i will change your wording to make you sound like a sissy . dave matthews band : the central park concert5 of the best musicians in the world . and hands - down the best live concert band in the world . try to prove me wrong . jason mraz : live at java joe ' swarning - there are some " colorful " things in this album , so don 't say i didn 't warn you . live at java joe 's is great , showcases jason 's fabulous voice , adorable humor , mellow guitar , and smart lyrics . oh , and toca rivera is awesome . make sure you listen to " after an afternoon " , the best love song ever . from chaos : demo . . . . the best heavy metal i 've heard in a long time . but i must admit i 'm a little biased . my big bro and my cousin are in the band . for samples , go here .
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My 2013 - 2014 winter could probably be described as a winter of discontent ; not only were we blessed with massive amounts of snow , but I was also in the middle of a 14 month drought between vacations . As spring drew closer , I toyed with the idea of taking a last minute trip to Disney World over Memorial Day weekend so I could visit the Magic Kingdom when it was open for 24 hours straight starting 6am on Friday May 23 . Unfortunately , the logistics just didn 't work out - mostly because the pricing for plane tickets and hotels was prohibitive . But during my research , I discovered that prices were much better over Labor Day weekend . I just couldn 't let go of the idea because I was very eager to see the new Harry Potter Diagon Alley section at Universal , as well as the new Seven Dwarfs Mine Train ride at the Magic Kingdom . But I was most intrigued by the discovery that Mickey 's Not So Scary Halloween party was scheduled for its 2014 debut on Labor Day . I 'd wanted to attend this event for awhile , so I couldn 't resist pulling the trigger on a quick trip to Florida . I knew I 'd miss having my nieces with me , but both finances and their school schedules didn 't allow for them to accompany me this time . Fortunately , they seemed to be genuinely happy for me . . . although of course they would have loved to have been there too ! Since they wouldn 't be joining me , I had no desire to maintain the traditions we 'd set ( such Tower of Terror being the first ride of the trip and dining at 50 's Prime Time Café ) : those were for us as a group , and would only make me miss them more . When I first checked flights , I had almost enough points for a one way ticket on Southwest ; luckily , they ran a sale which enabled me to snag a ticket home for just a $ 2 . 50 processing fee . I then bought a one way ticket down to Orlando on US Aiways for a very good price . Since I was going solo , a smaller hotel room would be perfectly fine . I booked a reservation at Disney 's Pop Century - one of the value hotels - through Orbitz because I was able to get a 20 % discount on top of the summer special offered by Disney . Even though it wasn 't as fancy as the Deluxe resorts I 'd recently visited with my nieces , I was genuinely excited to stay at Pop for my first time . My main expense was park tickets . Tickets become cheaper with each additional day so when you have a short trip - and are stubbornly set on visiting 2 different resorts ( Disney and Universal ) , you just have to suck it up and pay a lot more per day . This was my first trip since Disney had recently instituted the FastPass Plus ( FP + ) system , and I was curious to try it . Using this system , Disney resort guests can make timed reservations to visit up to 3 attractions at one park per day 60 days in advance of their stay . ( non - Disney guests who register their tickets online can reserve times 30 days in advance ) Since I was traveling solo during a not terribly busy time , I had no trouble reserving the attractions of my choice when I went online at 12am the day I was eligible to select Fastpasses . I wasn 't always able to get the exact time I wanted for the most popular atWhen Disney announced a special Frozen Summer Fun event at Hollywood Studios , it threw a bit of a wrinkle in my plans and I had to reschedule my itinerary so I 'd be able to make it to the events I wanted to see . I 'd originally booked a special Frozen Summer Fun package which included a pre - Fireworks dessert party and reserved seating at the parade and sing - a - long . The Frozen events were originally scheduled to end on Labor Day , but were then extended ; this extension caused me to juggle things for a second time . I eventually canceled the dessert package because it made more sense to see everything but the fireworks on Tuesday instead of cramming everything in on my arrival day . Everything pulled together very easily . And it was pretty awesome to not have to wait forever for it to be time for my plans to become reality . Day 1 : Sat Aug 30 , 2014 Epcot / Hollywood Studios Since I had an early flight and was planning an active day , I decided to splurge and stay at an airport hotel on Friday night in order to steal a little extra sleep in the morning . For short trips , I typically just drive myself to the airport and pay for parking . However , when I told my nieces about my plans , Julia ( who 'd just recently gotten her driver 's license ) practically insisted on driving me to the airport . That was so sweet - lots of teenagers would have reacted by being jealous . I think I may have felt a little worse about not having them as travel companions than they did . So Julia and Megan came over and we headed off in " Greenie " , aka the nickname of her car . There was much laughter . But considering that Julia was a new driver and the girls kept joking about us not dying … part of me wondered if the ride to the airport might be scarier than any ride I might experience in Florida . After a quiet night at the hotel , I practically rolled out of bed and into the check - in counter for my flight . Within 30 minutes , I was at the gate since there were no lines . As I waited , several songs from the musical Book of Mormon swirled through my head , including the line " So stop singing about it and do it / How ready and psyched are we ? ! ? " which is especially appropriate since it 's sung as the characters are rolling luggage in preparation for a journey . No matter how many times I visit Disney parks , I still feel like a little kid embarking on her dream vacation . Airplane bliss can be defined as having 3 seats to yourself ( after someone moved ) and noise cancelling headphones - particularly useful on a route that is prone to have lots of kids . Despite the fact that my excitement was at an even higher altitude than the airplane , I managed to catch a little sleep on the short flight . When you 're already pulling out of the airport at 9 : 20am on a bus to your Disney Resort and your flight was due to land at 9 : 16 , you know that your travel experience is a total win . I practically zipped through the airport to the Magic Express - and it was really cool to be instructed to scan my Magic Band bracelet for the first time to verify my destination . Of course , the lady who instructed me to put away my paperwork and just use my band greeted me with a trademark Disney smile . Soon enough , we passed through the magical gate to the Walt Disney Resort , a moment that is always a thrill . My hotel , Pop Century , was the 2nd stop . It was a delightful touch to be greeted by cast members blowing bubbles as I disembarked , and I felt immediately at home . There was a bit of a line to check in , but my good luck continued as my room was ready and it was exactly where I 'd requested - the top floor in the section dedicated to the 80 's ! There are other buildings that are more convenient ( in fact , I 'd later joke that the walk to my room was so tiring because I had to walk through an entire decade ) , but I belonged in the Eighties … like totally ! I took a little time to unpack and settle in , but soon set off through the humidity to the bus stop . I 'd originally planned not to take many photos this trip … but that plan died in the 10 minutes I spent meandering through the colorful resort . My luck continued - there was a bus waiting to go to Epcot , exactly what I needed ! After arriving at around 10 : 30am , I had to get an obligatory photo of myself in front of the Big Ass Ball ( Spaceship Earth ) so I asked a photopass photographer to use my camera to take a photo . She was awesome ! She directed me to pose like I was excited , and all the pictures she took turned out wonderfully . Some photopass photographers are better than others , and she was definitely superior . Test Track Single Rider line was the best thing ever . Or at least that 's how I felt when I was able to practically walk right onto the ride instead of waiting in a line that was probably at least 30 minutes long ( I forgot to write it down ) . The one downside was that I wasn 't able to completely design a car on the interactive kiosks like I 'd done last summer with the nieces . There was a kind of " express " experience where I could only choose between a very limited set of options - but one of the choices was purple , so I was essentially satisfied . After using my Spaceship Earth Fastpass + , I was positively starving ! So I headed over to the food court at Sunshine Seasons in The Land and chose something that was a bit of a departure for me - sweet and sour chicken . By the time I finished , it was time to use my Soarin ' Fastpass - always a fun attraction . And then , since it was basically a walk on , I went on Living with the Land for the first time in a very long while . It 's interesting to see the different types of plants they grow , but I missed the days that the ride used to have live narration . I finished out my time in Future World by going to the Chase card holder character meet , which is limited to guests who have a Chase Disney credit card . One of the benefits is a free print … but it was totally out of my way to pick one up and I prefer electronic photos anyway . ( I was under the mistaken impression that the electronic versions were also free - oops . Good thing I also had them use my camera ! ) I 'd never stopped there before - it was a nice set up . And then I took a quick jaunt into Journey Into Imagination , where I texted a friend a photo of many Figment plushies for her birthday . Since we 'd barely visited World Showcase on my previous trip , I wanted to make sure I had ample time to meander - ducking inside to bask in A / C as often as possible . Now that I 've traveled to most of the countries represented ( I still need to travel to Morocco to have a complete collection . And possibly Arendelle - depending on the Norway revamp - which will be harder . ) , it 's not as exotic as it was on my first trips when I was in awe of the ability to try French perfumes and Japanese candy , among other things . Now it 's more nostalgic , reminding me of my adventures . Since this was my first trip to Epcot since I 'd been to China , I took some extra time to appreciate that pavilion . I chose to walk clockwise so that I could exit by the International Gateway . Riding the boat ride in Mexico totally reminded me why I usually skip it . But , hey , at least it had plenty of lovely A / C ! I arrived at Norway at the right time to use my Fastpass + for what would be one last ride on Maelstrom . ( shortly after I came home , it was announced that the ride would be replaced by a new attraction themed to Frozen ) The standby queue was rather long and I overheard an exuberant mom gloating to her teenage daughter and bragging that she deserved mom kudos for securing a Fastpass for the ride despite being told that she was overplanning . Seriously - it would be hard to " overplan " a Disney trip if you 're not familiar with the parks , especially now that you can reserve rides and meals months ahead of time ; if you snooze , you won 't get the best choices for ride times or restaurants . The highlight of World Showcase was being able to see the American Adventure show for the first time since 2009 . I 'm not really a huge history buff or overly patriotic , but the audioanimatronic based show is so well done that it 's impossible not to be emotional . And hey , it also has a clip of Michelle Kwan ! Before it began , I was able to catch a live performance of the Voices of Liberty in the rotunda , and their harmonies were phenomenal . After the performance , I bought a refreshing Doofenslurper - the flavor I chose was basically a raspberry slurpee topped with passion fruit foam and served in a Phineas and Ferb decorated beaker . It was the perfect beverage to sip in the Florida heat and humidity . After meandering through several more pavilions , I was about to leave the park at around 4 : 45pm when I was stopped by a cast member ; she cheerfully admonished me that you can 't leave the park with alcoholic beverages . I smiled and turned the beaker around to the cartoon graphic and assured her that I was partaking of a kiddy drink ! I was cracking up inside at the absurdity of it all . Given past experiences with Epcot boat transportation , I expected the ride to Hollywood Studios to be extremely slow . I 'd considered walking , but it was really too humid and I also needed to conserve some energy - someday , I do want to walk between the parks if I 'm ever there on a day with pleasant weather . The ride took less than 30 minutes , which was actually quicker than I 'd expected . I arrived around 5 : 15pm . I was giddy with excitement at seeing the signs for the " Frozen Fun " event and the Olaf sand sculpture at the park entrance . After changing into an Elsa tank top ( I brought extra shirts for each day because of both because I knew it would be refreshing to change and also because I simply have too damn many cute Disney shirts ) , I had to get my photo taken with the " Olaf on a stick " that they were handing out for free . Since the Frozen event was a priority , I sauntered over to the location of the sing along show . Clearly I had underestimated the demand - tickets had already been distributed for the remaining 2 shows and there was an impossible line for standby . I 'm sure the cast members were laughing at me for thinking I could get into the show at the last minute on a holiday Saturday . Since I already had a Fastpass for Tuesday morning , it wasn 't a huge deal . One of the areas set up for the Frozen event is Wandering Oakens . There were 2 areas in this building - the first area I checked out , the Trading Post , was a store selling Frozen merchandise ; I was more interested in enjoying the theming than in buying anything . The other area , Frozen Funland , was more interactive and included an ice skating rink and an area to build snowmen . There was also a refreshment stand , and a few photo opportunities . It was really cute - but way too crowded for more than a quick look . I figured I 'd be able to explore at a more leisurely pace with fewer crowds on Tuesday . So I headed over to an old favorite , Rock n Roller Coaster and got into the single rider line . I had to wait 30 minutes , but that was a lot shorter than the standby line . Then I headed next door to one of my all time favorites , Tower of Terror . I tried to take a cell phone photo of the view at the top but epically failed . The line was moderate enough that I was able to ride twice in under an hour ( including pre - show and ride time ) . The second time , I was laughing when the guy next to me said that he was screaming like a girl . By then , it was after 8pm and I was practically starving so I decided to get pizza and a salad at the closest counter service area . It was nice to sit down , especially since it wasn 't quite so hot after the sun had set . Since this was my only change to see the 9 : 15pm Frozen fireworks show , I made my way over to Hollywood Boulevard which was already packed with people when I arrived at least 30 minutes ahead of time . I still managed to snag a spot conveniently near Sunset Boulevard across from one of the Jumbotrons . I had to stand and my feet were absolutely killing me at this point - the new Keen sandals I bought were not nearly as comfortable as I 'd expected . I 'd walked over a mile in them before my trip so I was a little baffled at how badly my feet felt . I was sure I had blisters but there was no chance to go back to the hotel to change shoes . The fireworks were great , and it was my first time seeingChanging my original plans in order to see the Frozen fireworks also gave me a chance to see Fantasmic ! , one of my all time favorite Disney shows ( even if the Disneyland version is more magical ) . The spot I 'd chosen for the fireworks was convenient for making my way to the 10pm Fantasmic , which was the second show of the night . Whenever Fantasmic is performed twice , it 's a good idea to attend the 2nd show if possible because the crowds will be much less crazy . Indeed , despite the announcements that the show would be crowded and standing room only , I had no problem finding an excellent seat ( yay for sitting down ! ) and there were plenty of vacant rows . I loved that I had a chance to see the show , and that I was even at Disney World to begin with ! The music , the fireworks , the characters … just a wonderful way to end my first day ! On the way out of the park , I lingered a bit to take photos and to buy a brownie cake pop which was delicious ! I still got back to the hotel by 11pm thanks to some more good bus luck and the fact that the ride back to Pop was extremely short . I had to walk through the entire decade of the 1970 's to get back to the Eighties section , and I was completely exhausted by the time I got back to my room - understandable since I 'd been on the go since before 5am . But it was SO worth it to enjoy such an amazing , jam packed Disney day . Day 2 : Sun Aug 31 , 2014 Universal Wizarding World of Harry Potter / Magic Kingdom Extra Magic Hours When my alarm went off around 7am , the last thing I wanted to do was to extricate myself from my gloriously restful bed . But … then a single word swirled through my mind : BUTTERBEER ! And ultimately the lure of the new Diagon Alley section of Universal 's Wizarding World of Harry Potter was enough to incentive to get moving . There are more affordable ways to get from Disney to Universal , but I decided to take a cab for convenience . I didn 't want to have to rush to get ready in the morning , and I also wanted to be able to leave Universal at a moment 's notice when I felt I was ready . The choice I made probably wouldn 't be the best for most travelers , but it worked for me . A cast member at my hotel tried to be helpful by suggesting that I take a shuttle , but I was adamant . I ended up arriving at Universal at around 8 : 30am , about a half hour before opening . I was amazed to arrive that early considering how lethargic I 'd been about getting out of bed . Since the only thing I was really interested in was the new Harry Potter area , I followed the herds that were lining up in that direction . It wasn 't actually as crowded as I 'd feared , and the crowd control was brilliant : every few minutes , they 'd move the line a little closer to the entrance which made it feel like we were making progress . I was one of the first day guests to enter Diagon Alley , but it was already crowded because guests at the official hotels were able to get in an hour earlier . I followed the masses to the new marquee ride : Escape from Gringotts . As I walked steadily up the street , part of me was tempted by all the marvelously whimsical touches that I could see in all directions . But I summoned up all my willpower and reminded myself that I 'd have plenty of time to linger later on in the day . When I reached the ride building , I stuffed my camera and bag in a ( complimentary ) locker because you aren 't allowed carry anything on the ride . I initially put the camera in separately but then decided to put it inside my backpack to be safe . Then I got in the single rider line . When I 'd planned my trip , I hadn 't been sure I 'd actually get to ride Gringotts . There were reports that the ride was breaking down a lot , and a 90 minute wait time was one of the lowest times I 'd seen . Ah , the problems of trying to ride a top attraction within months of its opening ! I simply don 't do waits longer than 60 minutes - and prefer 30 - 45 minutes tops . I mean , there was no way I could see myself waiting in a line that was longer than the longest Harry Potter film ! I was therefore delighted to see the single rider line was listed at 45 minutes and even happier that it ended up being closer to 30 . The queue weaved around narrow corridors , so I had no way of knowing how close I was to the front . Since the single riders only filled unoccupied seats ( when parties of odd numbers were seated ) , the movement wasn 't very steady . But when I could see the ride vehicles , I knew I was almost there . And as I was ready to board , it felt like such a momentous occasion that part of me wondered if I should say a shehecheyanu ( Jewish prayer said on super special occasions ) despite the fact that I am not at all religious . The ride was a lot of fun - truly unique . It uses the same 3D technology as the Spiderman and Transformers rides , but the track was very different . And of course the Harry Potter theming was cool . I 've read that the normal queue has amazing details , and I 'd like to see it someday … but it 's not worth over an hour of my life . I was able to catch just a glimpse of the Gringotts lobby from the single rider line - it looked just like the film . After picking up my stuff from the locker , my next stop was the most important destination of the day : Florean Fortescue 's Ice Cream Parlour which features a variety of flavors , the most important of which is Butterbeer soft serve . As soon as I read about that flavor , I knew that I must try it . 9 : 45am isn 't too early for ice cream - especially since the line was way shorter than it would be at peak times in the afternoon . Butterbeer ice cream was everything I 'd hoped it would be - an absolutely scrumptious treat ! Having accomplished my top 2 goals , I was able to take some time to explore Diagon Alley , which is probably one of the most intricately themed lands in any theme park I 've visited . Not only did it include the iconic sites you might expect such as Weasley 's Wizarding Wheezes , but even minute details such as signs and window displays were amazing . After a brief saunter , I headed to a replica of Kings Cross station to take a ride on the Hogwarts Express . In a brilliant marketing scheme , Universal created a ride that requires guests to have a park - to - park ticket ( their version of a park hopper ) - you can 't ride it if you only have a single park ticket . Since the train actually transport guests between their 2 theme parks , this strategy makes sense . Although part of me wonders if it would make more sense for Universal to combine their 2 parks into a single super duper sized theme park . In any case , I needed to ride the Hogwarts Express so I 'd splurged on the park - to - park feature . There was absolutely no wait as I breezed through the queue area , which included details such as the poster displayed at the beginning of the " Half Blood Prince " movie . There was even a special effect where it looked like the people ahead of you in line were going through the brick wall to track 9 ¾ . When you board the train , you enter a compartment just like in the movies , with 2 sets of 4 seats facing each other . During the ride , you can see video effects both outside the window and outside the corridor door . It was short , but extremely cool . Upon arriving at Hogsmeade , I had to have my photo taken in front of Hogwarts castle because I was wearing a " Hogwarts Alumni " T - shirt ; later in the day , another woman high fived me because she was in the same awesome shirt . The queue for Forbidden Journey was only 20 minutes so of course I decided to ride - the newness of Diagon Alley was really drawing crowds away . Since I 'd seen the queue twice last year , I entered the single rider line which was a walk on . Forbidden Journey always makes me a bit motion sick but I ride it anyway because it 's amazing and unique . And it 's Harry Potter . It had been an hour since my ice cream , so clearly it was time to get a Butterbeer classic . As always , I decided to go to the Hog 's Head tavern because it 's air conditioned and has a short line . Plus , there 's an area with tables in the back that 's never crowded because a lot of people probably don 't realize it 's there . Not being interested in anything else at Islands of Adventure , I boarded the Hogwarts Express back to London and Universal Studios Florida . The on ride entertainment was slightly different in this direction . I was really hungry and somehow forgot about the Simpsons food court ( D ' oh ! ) so I ended up ordering spaghetti and meatballs at Louie 's Italian Restaurant . I wouldn 't recommend doing that - I 'm not picky about theme park food , but this was truly mediocre . I rode the one non - Harry Potter ride that I wanted to revisit from last year - The Mummy which is an excellent hybrid of a dark ride and a mild coaster . And then I returned to The Wizarding World to meander at my leisure . But first I went back to Gringott 's because I hadn 't been able to find my lens cap after I 'd removed my belongings from the locker there . It 's pretty cheap to replace , but I didn 't relish the idea of having nothing to protect my lens for the rest of the trip ( at the time , I still even didn 't have a lens hood ) By some stroke of luck , I actually remembered my locker number . The team member checked her computer and informed me that someone had just put their belongings in the locker so they couldn 't open it . But she told me to come back in a couple hours because she 'd put the locker out of service so that no one could be assigned to it once the current owners claimed their belongings . There wasn 't a line to go into Ollivander 's to see the little show where the wand chooses the wizard so I went in . During my experience , the shop keeper was played by a woman which I think I 'd read was a new thing . She was excellent and the show was cute . I don 't like to buy a lot when I travel anymore , but I still enjoyed browsing the various shops in the Wizarding World . Among my wanderings , I wanted to make sure to see the 2 stage shows . Since the Universal app said that the Celestina Warbeck show would be at 1 : 30pm , I hung out in that area and waited for something to happen . And … nothing ! Clearly this was a sign that it was time for another Butterbeer . The show finally started at 2 , and the Tales of Beedle The Bard was pushed from 2 to 2 : 30 . There are no signs anywhere in the area with show times … this glitch struck me as something that just wouldn 't happen at Disney . Anyway , both shows were very well done and worth catching … if you can figure out when they are playing . After the shows , I headed back to the Gringotts locker area , with a faint hope that maybe I could retrieve my lens cap . Wouldn 't you know - the owners of the locker had just found my lens cap and turned it into the attendant ? ! ? The timing , and the fact that I was even able to be reunited with my lens cap , was something truly out of the book of Disney magic . I considered riding Gringotts again , but the line was still long and I was starting to feel cranky . It was also starting to rain , although that wouldn 't have bothered me in and of itself . Having done all that I set out to do and wanting to be able to enjoy late night extra magic hours at Magic Kingdom , I decided to take a taxi back to my hotel for a rest . By any rational calculation , I spent way too much money on my relatively short jaunt to Universal ( I was there for about 6 hours ) but it was worth it to me . On the way back to my hotel room , I finally spotted the King cupcake that was exclusive to Pop Century . This pastry is described as a chocolate cupcake " filled with Banana Custard , Peanut Butter Icing , topped with Candied Bacon and drizzled with Chocolate . " It was … interesting . Well rested , I headed out for the Magic Kingdom at 7 : 30pm and braved the huge line for the bus . I left my big camera at the hotel because I wanted to travel more lightly and didn 't need to take a lot of photos . Magic Kingdom has always been my favorite Florida park so I was excited to walk through the gates . After using my Big Thunder Mountain Fastpass as soon as it was eligible at 8 : 30 , I headed across the way to one of my favorite rides , Splash Mountain . I felt way overdue to ride it - no trip is really official until I ride Splash , and fortunately the standby line was only 15 minutes . This ride was full of joy , especially because after the drop I found out that one of the fun people on my log was someone 's 83 year old mother who 'd insisted on riding . I decided it was one of my life 's goals to ride it when I 'm in my 80 's ; when I texted this to my nieces , they said they 'd take me . So now I have it in writing so that if I get senile , I won 't forget ! After exiting Splash … I looped back and got in line again . No , this ride never gets old ! By some freak of timing , when my log got back to the loading area , the line was non existent . My mind was all about " occupy log " , something I thought wouldn 't happen during a summer holiday weekend . Even before the cast member finished asking if anyone wanted to ride again , I was all " hell , yeah ! " You don 't need to ask me twice ! This time , I was able to see some of the Main Street Electric Parade from my log . So much awesome ! Since I still had a Fastpass Plus , I looped back in line for a 4th ride . ( Occupy Log was not possible this time since there were people waiting ) I saw some of the fireworks this time , but unfortunately they were over right before the big drop . By now it was after 10pm , and I was getThere were only a few more minutes before the lines closed at 2am so I decided to book it back to the Princess area to see if the line for Anna and Elsa was reasonable . The meet with the Frozen princesses is currently the hottest attraction at Disney World , with waits that are sometimes reported to be in the absurd range where they are measured in hours and not minutes . Getting Fastpasses to meet them is like winning the lottery ; and while I already had a Fastpass for the next day , I figured that if I met them at 2am , I could swap that for a different attraction . I ended up being the 2nd to the last person in line ; there was a man behind me carrying a baby who wanted to get the CM 's to let in his wife and daughter when they were done with another attraction , but when the line is closed , it is CLOSED . So they 'd just have to be jealous of him . On the way out of the park , I was surprised that the stores along Main Street were already closed . I 'm so used to them being open for an hour or 2 after the park closes - except for in Tokyo Disney . So there was no reason to linger and I headed out the gates at around 2 : 30am , as I received a high 5 from a cast member wearing a Mickey glove . The good news was that a bus to my resort was waiting . The bad news was that I had to stand - and my feet were killing me ! The worse news was that I was being crowded by someone 's backpack . I carry a backpack myself , but I try to at least be cognizant of people around me when in crowded situations . Finally , I got back to my hotel room at 3am and wrote down a single word in my notes : " Collapse " What a day ! But it was all amazing , and I especially enjoyed my whimsical tour of Magic Kingdom kiddie attractions at ridiculous hours . Thank goodness I 'd taken a mid - day break or I don 't think I 'd have made it to 2am . My original plan had been to take a quick jaunt into Animal Kingdom this morning . However , when I didn 't get to bed until around 3am the night before , I wisely decided to skip it and let myself sleep in … a little . 9am still came way too quickly , but I didn 't want to get too late of a start . It 's always frustrating when you 're waiting for a bus and you see 3 buses to another place ( Epcot ) within 5 minutes . It 's even worse when the bus queues are in the sun . ( I don 't understand why they couldn 't make the queues covered ; there are shaded areas to wait nearby but you risk losing your position in line to stand there ) But by 10 : 45 , I was admiring the ubiquitous bright orange decorations that adorned the Magic Kingdom and all of the aggravation was forgotten . After getting some photos taken on Main Street and catching a glimpse of the Move It Shake It mini parade , I headed to the Pirates of the Caribbean attraction . By the time I was done , it was time for the 11 : 40am - 12 : 10 window for lunch at Be Our Guest . It 's not widely known but Disney resort guests are able to make " Fastpass " lunch reservations at this Beauty and the Beast themed eatery ; officially , the program was in " testing " … but it had been testing for over a year by this point . Some guests receive emails inviting them to make a reservation , but you don 't need one . It 's a good thing I knew to take advantage of the Fastpass lunch program because by the time I got there on a slow day , there was already a sign saying that the restaurant was filled to capacity for lunch - yikes ! I 'd placed my order online when I 'd reserved my Fastpass , but somehow the order was lost . No problem , it was super easy and quick to reorder my Croque Monsieur ( ham and cheese ) . After wandering around aimlessly looking for a table , I finally settled on one in the main ballroom . Soon my lunch was delivered to me and … it was not as good as I 'd remembered from the previous year ! My sandwich seemed to be on the cooler side of lukewarm , and the meat seemed a tad tough . The fries were good , but I got full quickly so I texted a photo to my niece ( who 's affectionately known as the trash can ) saying that I wish she was there to finish them . On my way out , I had to have someone take my photo in front of the mural in the lobby that matched my shirt - both had the stained glass image from the end of the movie showing Belle dancing with the prince . After walking around New Fantasyland for a bit , I got in a small queue waiting for Gaston to come greet guests outside his tavern . As soon as he bounded out like an arrogant boar , I knew I 'd made an excellent decision . He was hysterical and had everyone practically on the floor with laughter . When it was my turn to meet him , he told me that my shirt was half right , and made sure to stand so that you couldn 't see the Prince / Beast on my tank top ! I wish I could remember more about the hilarious banter , but I know it ended by me declaring defiantly that I 'm not his kind of girl because I 'm too independent . He asked me what that meant , and I responded that I don 't listen to guys . That was enough for him to move on to the next person ! I spent the early part of the afternoon on some rides that I 'd probably have skipped if they 'd had a line . Under the Sea ( which had a wait far far shorter than the 20 minutes on the wait sign ) , the Magic Carpets ( my first time riding ) and Jungle Cruise ( where the guide in our boat proudly announced " This is Jungle Cruise : 10 minutes of bad jokes " ) I also hit Big Thunder Mountain and used a Splash Mountain fastpass ( which I 'd switched from an Anna and ElsaThen it was time to scope out a spot for the Festival of Fantasy parade which was new since my previous trip . I decided to watch from Frontierland which is near the parade starting point and which is usually less crowded than Main Street . One side of the walkway was empty but in the sun , while the other was more crowded and in the shade . It was a no brainer which side I chose - as I wrote in my notes : " Some people are worth melting for [ TM Frozen ] but no parade is worth burning for " I enjoyed the parade - it seems like Magic Kingdom was overdue for a new one . After another ride on Splash Mountain , it was already time for my 4pm dinner reservation ! The main reason I 'd made a reservation that early is because it was the only dinner reservation I could find at Be Our Guest - and it only opened up 2 days before my trip ! ( always keep checking if you have your heart set on eating at a Disney restaurant ) I 'd had lunch there , but dinner is a different experience … it 's sit down , and more formal . Unfortunately , I wasn 't very hungry so I just had the French onion soup and a refreshing fruit punch with lemon - lime foam . I also couldn 't resist getting the dessert , now that the " Grey Stuff " had been added to the menu . And yes , it was delicious ! It wouldn 't be a trip to Florida without getting caught in a totally random rain storm . I lingered in the restaurant until it seemed to let up , and then I headed over to use my Fastpass for Seven Dwarfs Mine Train . I remember little from this particular time riding other than being assaulted by rain coming down on me . ( the rain picked up again after I got in line ) The ride seemed even shorter when you are trying not to get smacked in the face by rain drops . No trip to Disney is ever fully complete without bopping up and down singing " A Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow " in the classic Carousel of Progress attraction . It could probably use a little updating to the final scene , but I love how it brings me back to a simpler time . After using my FP + on nearby Space Mountain ( for which I did take oMickey 's Not So Scary Halloween Party ( MNSSHP ) is an annual after hours event that occurs certain fall nights in the Magic Kingdom . It requires a special admission ticket , which is exchanged for a bracelet so cast members know that you are entitled to stay in the park ( guests without such a bracelet are directed to leave ) . I believe that this was the earliest they 've held the party , and I was excited to finally get a chance to experience it . When I received my bracelet , I also got a bag for trick - or - treat candy , as well as a flyer showcasing all kinds of tempting yummy treats . I didn 't really have a plan for the party , although I did have some priorities . I wanted to be sure to catch any unique entertainment that isn 't offered on other nights , and I did not want to waste time trick - or - treating and getting candy that I could buy at home . I decided to head first to the Diamond Horseshoe to see what Club Villain was all about . Once the venue opened , a DJ welcomed us to the very first Club Villain event ever ( it was new this year ) and eventually Disney villains came out to mingle with the dancing crowd and take photos . I think it would have been more fun if I 'd had people to hang with , but I danced around anyway ( awkwardly with my backpack ) and got a few photos taken in the half hour I spent inside . It was a total hoot to do a line dance next to Lady Tremaine ( Cinderella 's stepmother ) ! The perfect attraction to visit during a Halloween party is the Haunted Mansion . Fortunately , there was no line . Afterwards , I was able to pose for Magic Shot photopass photos I 'd seen where they edit in photos of some of the ghosts - once again , there was no wait . These photos are only available during the MNSSHP . I regretted not buying the unlimited photopass card I 'd bought on my previous trip , since I knew I 'd want to buy those shots as well as some others . I ended up spending more on buying a few photos than I would have for pre - ordering the unlimited pass . Needless to say , that was not one of my best travel decisions . After a stopI camped out by the castle for a trifecta of special events : the Villains Mix and Mingle stage show , the Celebrate the Magic castle projection show , and the Hallowishes fireworks . I knew I was going to be too close for the latter 2 , but it was worth it to sit down and also to have a decent view for the stage show ( there wasn 't a whole lot of time to reposition between the shows and I was definitely worried about ending up with an even worse view ) . They were all terrific . The next event I wanted to see was the Boo to You parade . It 's performed twice , but I waited for the 2nd showing since that is usually less crowded . While meandering around , I saw that the line to meet Jack Skellington and Sally ( from Nightmare Before Christmas ) seemed really short . The CM estimated the wait at 30 minutes , which would mean I 'd be done before the parade so I got in line hoping the wait would be shorter than the estimate . Unfortunately , it wasn 't - mostly because Jack and Sally seemed to take a long time with each party , which is pretty cool when you actually get to them , but not so much when you 're in line and hoping to not to miss a parade . The timing mostly worked out in the end , although I could only see the Headless Horseman ride down the street for the pre - parade from the queue for Jack and Sally . It was fun meeting with Jack and Sally . Jack asked me what I was dressed up as , and I could only reply " I 'm me … . But I 'm the most fabulous me I can be . " He really liked the comment - and I have to admit , I liked it too . Sometimes , I actually can come up with good off the cuff remarks . They were definitely worth the 35 minute wait , although I wouldn 't want to wait hours for them like people do at the more crowded nights of MNSSHP . I sat down by the end of Main Street for the parade - and it was empty ! It was completely easy to get a spot even at the last minute . There were some CM 's near me cheering loudly , possibly for friends of theirs , and it was a fun atmosphere . After the parade ended , there was still 45 minutes left before the party ended at midnight . I headed to Gaston 's Tavern to get one of the yummy looked Ghost Cupcakes - but they were sold out for the night . Non ! Quelle tragedie ! What do you do when you are bummed out at Disney ? You take a moment to consider getting in line to have a photo taken with all 7 dwarfs ( the most popular meet , which is only available at Halloween and Christmas parties ) … and then you make a dash for your laughing place , aka Splash Mountain , and decide that you will end your night by taking advantage of the last chance to ride your favorite attraction . If you 're lucky , you get a log all to yourself . And if you are exceedingly lucky ? You get to ride your own log 3 times in a row without getting off ! That totally made up for any missed cupcakes . I tried to enjoy each moment of the rides to the fullest , knowing how lucky I was to be there and how it might be awhile before I could get back . I love Splash Mountain because it is full of adorable Disney - esque moments including a Zip - a - dee - do - dah finale combined with the excitement that culminates in a 52 foot flume drop . Plus , it 's not a short blink - and - you - might - miss - it ride ( * cough * Seven Dwarfs Mine Train ) - it 's relatively long for an amusement ride ( 11 minutes ) , and it is full of details throughout . After my 3rd ride , the park was closed . I walked back toward the entrance and was surprised not to see any security personnel sweeping guests out of the park . There weren 't many guests around , either , at least not in Frontierland - it wasn 't one of the more crowded parties and I think a lot of people left early . It was fun seeing guest costumes around the park during the party . Obviously , there was an abundance of Disney princesses , especially Anna and Elsa . But there were a lot of creative costumes as well . I saw one family dressed up in Phillies T - shirts , and I had to compliment them because I 'm one of those diehard fans who watch every game even when the team is struggling . The family probably thought I was a freak , but I had to do it . When I got back to my hotel , I stopped at the front desk to ask them to cut off my MNSSHP bracelet since I didn 't have a scissors . After they happily obliged , I took advantage of the late hour to take some photos around the mostly empty lobby area . It was still comparatively early compared to my previous night . Still , when I got to my room at around 1 : 20am , I was ready to get a little sleep . Day 4 : Tue Sep 2 , 2014 Hollywood Studios including Frozen Summer Fun I had mixed emotions about my last day at Disney . Of course , it was sad to be leaving - especially after such a short trip . But , on the other hand … my feet had been killing me and the summer heat is brutal ; trying to cram in so much in a short trip ( without many breaks ) can make one feel a bit cranky . So a small part of me was feeling OK about going home . It felt a little creepy that there was a boarding pass hanging on my hotel room door - maybe I 'd signed up for that , but I didn 't recall doing so . After checking a bag for my flight and another to be held until I was ready to leave , I made it to Hollywood Studios at around 9 : 30am . My main focus was to see the Frozen Summer attractions that I hadn 't been able to catch on Saturday night . To that end , my first stop was at Starring Rolls so I could try one of the beautiful chocolate Princess Anna cupcakes that I 'd seen online . Since I hadn 't seen it the previous year , I made a point to catch an early performance of Voyage of the Little Mermaid . I really enjoy the show - and , almost just as importantly , it 's a great relief on a hot day . After it was over , I hung out in the Animation building until it was time to seek out a spot for the mini Frozen processional . I was able to get an excellent spot , but then I had to move because I was in front of a trashcan - luckily , I 'm small and I was able to squeeze over a bit . " Anna and Elsa 's Royal Welcome " was a short but sweet series of a few floats that culminated in the characters reaching the stage in front of the Great Movie Ride and then being officially welcomed to the theme park . Of course , it " snowed " along the parade route to add to the atmosphere . And of course , the song " Let It Go " was heard . It was all very cute . I was probably way too excited for a grown woman when I spotted Stitch meeting guests with no line . I tried not to do too many things that reminded me of my trips with my nieces , because it would make me miss them . But a photo ( or 10 ) with Stitch has become essential . It was looking like I wouldn 't get to see Stitch on this trip , so I was ecstatic to finally be able to . Trip made ! After using my Toy Story Midway Mania Fastpass ( and noting that the attraction had only a 35 minute standby queue which is almost unheard of ! ) , I went over to Wandering Oaken 's trading post to linger and take some photos ( including some special magic shots ) . As I 'd expected , it was much less crowded than it had been on Saturday night . I thought about doing the ice skating , but my feet were hurting too much . And besides , it was an extra charge of $ 10 . For something that I heard was put together pretty quickly , the area was very well themed . And it 's positively genius to have an oasis of snow and ice during the Florida summer . Finally , it was time for me to see " For the First Time in Forever : A Frozen Singalong " . Because I had a Fastpass , I was able to get in a shorter line and secure a seat toward the front center of the theatre . Although , unlike on Saturday , I wouldn 't have had any problem getting in the theatre via the standby queue . The show consisted of a couple of entertaining narrators describing the plot of Frozen ; their banter was punctuated by sing a long versions of the movie 's songs being displayed on a big screen . Shockingly to no one , the performances culminated in singing " Let It Go " ( which is actually done twice ) . And snow ! Despite the predictability , it was a joyful , fun show . I wouldn 't have minded being able to see it a second time . Deciding that I wanted to eat a proper , somewhat leisurely lunch ( and not fast food ) , I made my way to Mama Melorose 's Italian restaurant . OK , actually I had a bit of a fail finding it but I got there , and was very happy that there was no wait . My vodka rigatoni was very good , and I enjoyed seeing the take a long Olafs that were decorating the room . Given how worn out I 'd been feeling , taking a break for a sit down lunch was a smart move . I didn 't have that much time left , so I headed down Sunset Boulevard to 2 of my favorite rides and was happy that neither had much of a line . I 'd pushed my FP + to Tower of Terror back a little after I sat down for lunch , so I went into the standby line . After exiting the library , I took the path to the left as I always do since it seems ever so slightly shorter . And then something crazy happened - everyone else took the path to the right . And I mean , everyone . For the first time in forever all my trips to parks that have a Tower of Terror , I had an entire car to myself . During the middle of the day . Un - freaking - real ! It was a tad creepy , but it was also amazingly special . Of course , I had to buy the photo . After using my ToT fastpass , I headed over to Rock N Roller Coaster . Since there wasn 't much of a queue , I decided to wait for a front seat . I hadn 't ridden in the front seat in ages so it was such a treat to feel the rush of air during the launch . I could have ridden one or both rides again , but I decided that I was good and that I felt like it was the perfect time to exit on a high note . I knew I 'd have plenty of time , so I figured I could walk around the neighboring Art of Animation resort which is across the lake from my hotel - despite the heat and my feet hurting . So it really made no sense that I didn 't hop on a bus directly to there since one arrived before mine . Oh , well . When I got back to my hotel , I went to the food court to try the tie dye cheesecake which ended up being more yummy than I 'd anticipated . And then , I meandered over to explore Art of Animation , which was a really fun , whimsical looking relatively new resort . It would be great to stay there after it 's been around long enough to have some discounts - the budget resort mainly consists of family suites , but there are also standard rooms in a Little Mermaid wing . Although I enjoyed my time there , it probably wasn 't the best decision for my feet . Even after wandering around , I ended up on a slightly earlier Magic Express bus to the airport . SiIt may seem like an odd thing to complain about , but the plane was freezing cold . But at least it was quiet - which was a relief after having been around screaming kids in both the bus and the waiting area . I had an amazing time , but it was nice to get home and not have to fret about sunscreen , not to mention to give my poor feet a break . Final Thoughts My quick Labor Day weekend trip was everything I could have hoped for . It was packed with activity and the excitement of both a new Harry Potter land and some Frozen themed festivities , as well as a Halloween party . I only had a short time , but I felt like I made the most of it . Pop Century resort was a great place to stay , especially for a solo trip . For a holiday weekend , the park was not very crowded ( except for DHS on Saturday night ) and it was downright empty by Tuesday . And I was very fortunate that there wasn 't as much rain as during my last few August trips - there were only 2 short periods of rain , and neither of them led to me being caught in a downpour . The FastPass plus system worked out well for me , in spite of my initial skepticism . It was nice to be able to just scan my bracelet to enter the Fastpass return lines instead of having to fish through my bag for paper Fastpasses , and it 's definitely easier to book Fastpass Plus online instead of having to walk all the way to each attraction ( without knowing the return time or whether there were even any Fastpasses left ) However , I am not sure it would work quite so well when the parks are more crowded and standby lines are longer . The main downsides of my trip were predictable : Florida summers are never a picnic , and cramming in so much park time left me feeling tired . However , I hadn 't expected the shoes I wore on Saturday to hurt my feet so much - and unfortunately that had an effect for the rest of my trip . All in all , I felt very lucky to be able to squeeze in a short Disney trip as a treat to tide me over during a long lull between major vacations .
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Growing up , I always had a negative connotation of daycare . Most of my cousins and my friends grew up with stay at home moms and the kids that did go to daycare weren 't always the most well - behaved . I 'm sure there were other reasons for this , but I had always made the connection that it was because they went to daycare ( I know , not very logical ! ) So when the time came for you to both go to daycare I really struggled . Lexi was 2 . 5 and very shy , timid and reserved and I was so worried about her feeling abandoned and lost and not being able to make friends . William was 4 months and was just sad he wasn 't going to get to bond with Daddy in the same way Lexi did . My fears about Lexi were spot on . She experienced all of those things and would scream and cry every morning before leaving . There was bribery and me trying to distract her on the ride there ( airplanes in the sky , the tunnel , trains , and lots of listening to twinkle twinkle ) to help make the situation better . I set up playdates outside of school so she could become more comfortable with friends in her class . After many talks with the teachers , we figured out she really struggled in the transition moments - going from group time to activity time or to lunch time and pinned it down to her not knowing what to do in those moments and probably feeling lost and confused . As a result , every night we reviewed our day from the beloved daily connect app to look at all the fun she had and review what her schedule looked like each day . We also talked about it every morning on the ride in to help her learn what to expect at each moment throughout the day . In general , I felt like it was a pretty tough transition and took several months . However , after that transition , some amazing things started to happen . Lexi started to recognize her name and then she could spell it and then she could write it . She started to make friends on her own and discovered her love for art projects . Her confidence grew , she learned how to tell stories , participated in group time , talked to people she didn 't know and learned about complex things for a 4 - year - old like symmetry , ecosystems and the world 's wonders . And William , your time spent there was different , but it will impact you in different ways . You know how to stand up for yourself and don 't let other kids push your around . You 're independent and insist on doing everything yourself as that is really what the teachers encourage . You can put your pants / shorts / shoes on and off by yourself , do really really well drinking from cups and using adult silverware and kicking and throwing balls . Not only did you both thrive , I loved having you be so close to me throughout the day . Being able to nurse William instead of pump was a Godsend . I loved the lunch dates I had with Lexi . As maddening as it was some days , majority of the time , I loved spending 2 extra hours with you in our car rides . You would tell me about your days , what made you happy and sad , what you learned about or the books you read and would often play games like ' I spy ' and ' Is this a truth or a lie ? ' This year seemed a little more relaxed than years past . Fewer places to run to and people to see . This was the first year that momma 's cousins and aunts and uncles on Daddy 's side didn 't get together . It was a little sad not to see them , but hopefully we 'll find another time to all get together . We started setting up our Christmas decorations a little before Thanksgiving this year as mama was very busy at work and needed a little more time to do them this year . Lexi LOVED getting the boxes out and looking at all the decorations and trying to decide where to put everything . She would say , ' This is a great spot for this , isn 't it mama ? ' There were also lots of ' Owws and Ahhs ' as we took things out of the bins . I had asked Lexi several times if she wanted to go sit on Santa 's lap and the answer was always a strong NO . You liked to talk about him , but had no interest in seeing him or sitting on his lap . He even came to visit at school one night . Lexi stood next to him and gladly took a candy cane , while William sat on his lap and cried . We did also see him from a distance at the mall one night , but that was about as close as we got to physical interactions with Santa . One evening , we did write an email ( or as Lexi refers to them : emu ) to Santa in which Lexi asked for an Elsa palace and an Elsa and Anna doll . He responded back with a video , which Lexi was thrilled about - much more comfortable with the virtual interaction . Throughout the season , we thoroughly enjoyed listening to Christmas music . Lexi loved Away in a Manager and O Holy night as those are Papa and Grammy 's favorites . She also really likes Jingle Bells , Rudolph , Frosty , Let it Snow and Winter Wonderland . They were top requests of songs to sing and books to read at bedtime . The official celebrations started the weekend before Christmas . We went over to Grammy and Papa 's house with all of your Aunts , Uncles and Cousin Ivy . We had our traditional meat pies and had so much fun playing with cousin Ivy and opening the mounds of presents ! Lexi got a Frozen puzzle , princess matching game , pajamas , James the train , a train switcher and many other things . William got an ornament , pajamas , a basketball hoop , Little People Zoo and several other things . It was so fun to watch each of you open gifts . Lexi requested that we do ' teamwork ' in opening all of her presents and William loved all of the paper and boxes to wrinkle and climb on . He was also super into the zoo and the noises that all of the animals were making . Lexi also LOVED handing gifts out to everyone - and then telling people what was inside before they opened it . On Christmas Eve , we had a fun and relaxing morning at home playing . Then after naptime , we headed over the Grandma and Papas to celebrate Christmas with Grammy 's side of the family . It was an off - year as most of grammy 's siblings were with their other side 's of the families so there wern 't any other kids there , which was pretty disappointing to Lexi . After William feel asleep at Grammy and Papas , Mommy , Daddy Lexi and Auntie Sheila went to church . Going to church on Christmas Eve is one of my favorite traditions in Christmas . The church is decorated beautiful and the choir is there singing songs and everyone is so happy and friendly . I loved that Lexi wanted to come with us . She loved singing along to the Christmas songs and was so proud holding the candle when they shut the lights off to sing Silent Night . When they started to sing , her eyes got HUGE and lite up when she looked at me and said , they 're singing Papa 's song ! You 're sentimental mom teared up several times throughout the service as I was reflecting on how blessed we are to have such a good , safe life and to have two beautiful , healthy and smart little people . On Christmas morning , you both woke up around 7ish . Lexi comes into our room like any regular morning and says , " Mama , it 's morning time . ' I responded , that ' It 's Christmas Lexi ! What does that mean ? And you lite up , ' Santa came ! ! ' I quickly fed William while Daddy got the video camera set up . We made it two steps down and you peaked through the spindles and stated very deflated , ' There 's no Elsa palace ? ' I quickly reminded you that maybe Santa wrapped the Elsa palace . We should go take a look . We headed downstairs and you went to the biggest present there and said , This is my Elsa palace . ' We read the tag and it said to Lexi from Santa , so we started to open it , and sure enough , it was the Elsa palace . Lexi was so excited and kept banging on the box . As soon as I said , we could open it after we opened all of our other presents , Lexi was quick to start looking at other presents . Lexi also got Frozen dolls for the palace , more Frozen puzzles , Minion puzzles , some clothes , dry - erase board and markers , Minion movie , books , more Thomas the train cars and a whole slew of other things I can 't remember . William got a Little People Farm set from Santa , a backpack , some pajamas , a Thomas engine and Inside Out . You also both got a lot of train tracks and train accessories to share . Although Lexi loved opening gifts , she wanted ' teamwork ' with most of them and had just as much fun handing out gifts to all of us . The rest of the day was spent building train sets , watching movies , doing puzzles and playing with toys in our pajamas . It was a super relaxing and fun day ! The following day was celebrating with Daddy 's family . Everyone came over around 5 . We enjoyed some appetizers , delicious Chicken Wild Rice Soup made by Grandma and lots of other nummy food . Then we all passed presents out and opened them at the same time . It was a little crazy but also fun . You each received a piggy bank , lots of coins to put into it and Thomas the train gear . Lexi also received a Thomas plate and cup , T - ball set , Annie and Clarabel cars and a talking Gordon . William received some cars , egg shakers , balls and rattles . Everyone had lots of fun visiting and creating videos on their phones where they switch faces with another person . It brought lots of laughs and entertainment . That wraps up Christmas 2015 . It is such a magical time of year . I have such strong memories of Christmas and the traditions we had growing up and hope that Daddy and I are able to create the magic for both of you . I tried to help involve you in the process of picking out gifts for others and want you to learn that gift giving is often more fun than gift receiving . I also hope that we can instill the magic that comes for the true meaning of the season and celebrating the birth of Jesus . I 'm not even sure where to start this letter . So much has happened in the past year and you have grown and changed an incredible amount . I had every intention of writing a 2 . 5 year letter , but that time also coincided with me going back to work after William was born , daddy starting a new job and you going to daycare for the first time and life just got away from me . So let 's start out with how much I absolutely adore being your mom . It is without a doubt my favorite thing I 've ever done in my 30 years of life . You bring me so much joy and I genuinely look forward to seeing and being with you every moment I can . I love watching you grow , develop personality , and experience challenge and joy . I can honestly say I never look back on past days and wish we were still in a different ' phase ' because each new phase you graduate to is a favorite to me . Sometimes it is easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life and I need to stop and remind myself what a remarkable life we have and how blessed we are . Life is pretty great ! Let 's chat a little about your development . At 3 years old , you are a great counter and can count to 20 ( with an occasional hung up between 14 and 17 ) and can easily identify the numbers 1 - 10 . You know almost all of your ABC 's and are starting to learn the sounds that they make . You have been spelling your name for over 4 months now and regularly point out letters on store signs when we drive by . ' Hey , Mom , there 's an ' A ' , that 's me ! ) You do a pretty good job of dressing yourself but do still ask for a little bit of help . You like to have a say in what you wear most mornings and like your underwear to match your outfit . You 've learned the flip trick for putting on jackets / sweaters and insist on doing it every time and refuse to put it on any other way . You 're also learning to zip up your jacket yourself . You need a little help getting it started but can finish yourself . You do a pretty good job of putting your shoes on the right feet and match the curves of the shoes up to your feet . You love to sing songs and know the words to most nursery rhymes . I love listening to you play independently and hearing you sing songs to yourself or your babies . We were at Grandma B 's house and you were playing with the bus and the school house and were singing the Wheels on the Bus as you were playing by yourself . It was just a sweet moment to listen you play . You love to color , play with stickers and do art projects . You regularly ask me , if I want to color with you - in which you proceed to boss me around in telling me where I can color and what color I can use . The conversation usually goes like this : With your coloring , you like to scribble and make dots and circles . You hold the pencil / marker / crayon correctly and are starting to ask about writing letters . You attempt to write you 're name . It isn 't quite decipherable yet , but you are working on the motions of writing letters and are getting better at them ! You know all of your colors and shapes . You can tell stories and easily identify emotions . You are incredibly articulate and have a wide vocabulary . When you 're upset or angry , you 're able to identify that emotion and use your words to explain how you 're feeling . ' Mom , that makes me angry when you take that away from me ' or ' That startled me , will you give me a hug ' ' Mama , I 'm feeling sad , can you help me stop crying ' or my favorite is when we 're in the car on the way to or from school and you ask ' Mama , can you make me laugh ? ' You regularly tell us how much you love us . You 'll come and snuggle in next to us and say ' I love you mama ' completely unprompted . You also love to tell me how much you love your brother . ' I love Buddy mama ' or ' We love our brother , don 't we mama ? ' Since you 've started school , you 've became much more confident in some of your physical abilities . You 've always been very capable , just timid . But now , you love to jump off curbs and some of the benches at school without me holding your hands . You can open doors and get yourself inside and out as well as unlock and lock doors , which is slightly terrifying . You can open the car door , climb into your car seat and have buckled yourself in on occasion . You love to dance and have some sassy little moves , you love to play catch , run outside , SWING , go down slides and LOVE LOVE LOVE the hippity hop at school ! ! You play on this everyday and when we ask you about it , your face lights up with excitement . You 've made some good friends at school . You and Emma are best buds and you also really like to play with Jude , Estella , Mason and Elena . Girffee is still number one in your book . Whenever you aPersonality wise , it is so fun to watch you develop who you are and even look back at last year or further and see how those characteristics were fluid then , but now are more defined . Overall , you are full of sweetness and innocence . You 're actions are so pure and honest and full of kindness . You 're oblivious to society and judgement and act and behave from the pureness of your heart without influences from others . And this just deepens my love for you and I hope you never loose this innocence . It is such a rare thing to see and I pray that you can always be this true to yourself . This is not a strength of mine and try to learn to behave more like this each day . I even find myself trying to influence you in the types of clothes you wear to be more ' put together ' with little jean jackets and cardigans or cute boots and you just don 't like them and I need to accept that and follow that advice for myself too . You are also very shy and timid . You don 't like a lot of attention on you and are a little more introverted . Just yesterday at your birthday party , we sat down to open presents and you kept saying , I 'll just stand behind you mama . You didn 't want to open the present with everyone watching you . I remember this being the same case at your first birthday party when everyone sang happy birthday to you . You were terrified as everyone was staring at you waiting for you to dig into your cake . That fear overwhelmed you and made you not want to dig into your cake at all . With that said , once you 've warmed up to new people and a new environment you do just fine . When I drop you off at school in the morning , you rarely get sad and instead excitedly run into your classroom , find your friends and wave good - bye . However , going back to your shyness , you don 't like to look at people when you talk to them . We work on finding other 's eyes and looking at them when we speak . It is a hard thing for you to do . Again , I need to remind myself that this is just who you are . I want you to feel confident and be a leWith all that sweetness , you do have a little sass in you . You are testing your boundaries and trying to gain independence . Most things are ' I do it ' and if we 're running late or you 're taking an extremely long time , I 'll step in and help out . Half of the time , you 're satisfied with this , the other half results in an epic melt down . You 'll often extend your arm out at me and put your hand up like a stop sign and say ' Don 't touch me ' and yell ' leave me alone ' . You will also repeat phrases I 've said like ' I 've asked you 3 times and I 'm not going to ask you again , or ' Did you hear my words ? ' . We often talk about being a good listener . You also have what I 'm sure is a very normal relationship for a 3 - year - old and a 9 - month old sibling . You love to make him laugh and the two of you will have giggle fits over nothing . Overall , you really do love the little tyke and I often find you randomly hugging him , which is almost always too hard and irritates William . But you really despise him getting in your stuff or in your way or taking mine or Daddy 's attention away from you . I 'll secretly be watching you and you will just push him over or lay on top of him and smother him . You 'll pull his hair or kick him if he has pulled himself up on the table and is too close to you . You usually have one or two time outs each day as a result of your misbehavior . Those time outs are hit or miss on our behalf . Sometimes you 'll get very upset that you 're going to a timeout and will start hitting and shoving me while I 'm taking you there and other times you 're just like ' whatever ' I don 't care that you 're sending me there ( time out is the bathroom ) . Regardless , when we sit down and talk about why you went to a timeout you always know how you misbehaved . You 're also somewhat of a lollygagger . Nothing ever feels fast with you . You 're constantly chatting about something or getting distracted by something else . You love to put stuff in bags ( ziplocks are you favorite ) but also shopping bags and insist on grabbing anything in sight to bring with you to school each morning . Random papers , toys , cars , books , stuffed animals , PJs etc … ) It is kind of funny to watch this each morning as you scramble to get your stuff . I 'll yell , come on Lexi , we have to go , and you 'll respond ' I 'm coming , I 'll be right there ! ' 3 going on 16 ! You have since grown out of this , but around 2 . 5 you were very terrified of Bees , thunder , an old man ( from it 's raining its pouring nursery rhyme ) and every time we put you to bed , you would ask us to repeat , ' Mama , say ' no old man , no thunder , no bees ' and we probably had to say it 3 - 4 times . Not sure where this exactly came from but , I believe , you watched Winnie the Pooh and the bees were chasing him which frightened you and Thunder just startles you and you didn 't like the picture of the old man with a bug bump on his head in a nursery rhyme book . Random random random ! Books : Search and find and princess books Food : Any treat ! Especially Circus Peanuts . You 'll often ask , can we go to ' Benards ' and get some Circus Peanuts ? You and Daddy love to go to Taco Bell together . You also really like cereal and greek yogurt , doughnuts and superman ice cream ! Song : All nursery rhymes and Honey I 'm good by Andy Grammer . ( you 'll say , ' Mom , can we listen to na , na , honey I 'm good ? ' Movies / TV shows : Dumbo , Despicable Me , Frozen , Curious George , Mickey Mouse , Little Mermaid , Thomas the Train . As of late , you 're super into watching YouTube videos of nursery rhymes or someone opening plastic Easter Eggs . Clothes : Mostly size 4T . Pants are a little big in the waist on you but 3Ts are too short . 4T for shirts , but I 'm even feeling like those are kind of snug and short on you . Size 9 shoe ( but you 've been wearing the same size since last March , so maybe you 'll had just finished a growth spurt and will stable out a little ? Notes : You 're starting to grow out of your peanut allergy . We went to the allergist and had some blood work down and you passed that , but didn 't pass your skin test . Essentially , your body isn 't producing the things in the blood to make you allergic to peanuts anymore , but those things are still in your skin . Hopefully , we 'll go do another test in a year or so and you 'll pass the skin test and we can go on to do a food test ! Stats : Weight : height : I 've you 've made it this far , high - five to not getting bored in learning about all things you at age 3 ! There is so much more that I could say and stories that could be shared , as it is impossible to truly capture Lexi at age 3 or express how much I love you . You are the light of mine and Daddy 's world . We love the way you make us smile , laugh and boil our blood . You are sweet , sassy and everything that a 3 - year - old should be and we can 't wait to see how much you grow and learn in the next year . Today was your first day of daycare and you two blew away my expectations . To say I was nervous was a complete understatement . I was nervous about waking both of you up in the morning and how difficult it was going to be to get out the door . You both woke up super cheerful and were cooperative in getting ready and out the door . The drive in was a little long as there was some bad traffic due to an accident , but the carpool lane was A - Mazing and reduced our ride in by at least 15 minutes . I will gladly take that perk ! Lexi , you are such a shy , sweet and timid little girl I was scared you were going to be terrified that I was leaving you alone , that you wouldn 't make any friends and would get plowed over by the more aggressive kids as I 've seen happen at parks or with other kids . I was literally a blubbery mess all morning while dropping you off . You totally blew my socks off with how brave you were and how quickly you adjusted . Initially , you clung to my leg a little but you got comfortable really quick and were OK while I left to go check on William . Little William , although you are my little baby , I was only worried a pinch about you . You are such a happy and content little dude , I knew the teachers would love listening to you talk and die over you huge and frequent smiles . I was a little nervous about how you would do with the sleeping as we have been swaddling you for the past 4 months and they aren 't allowed to swaddle at daycare and you can get pretty worked up if you 're over tired . Fortunately , you did great and will just need to slowly ease into the new sleeping arrangements . Also , I need to mention how awesome it is to get messages throughout the day letting me know what you 're doing and when you 're hungry and I can just come down and feed you and then head back . I 'm really hoping you start to get on a more regular routine so I can block my calendar to come down and feed and not have to pump ! When I came down to feed you the first time , you saw me and instantly lit up and gave me a huge smile and it was the best feeling ever . It was just the reassurance I needed after I had been a nervous and crying ball of emotions for the past 4 hours . No exaggeration here . After I dropped you both off and went to my car , I sat and tried to make myself presentable but kept welling with tears at every thought of you two kiddos . I finally managed to walk into the office , only to well up 7 more times as I thought about you or someone asked how I was doing . Honestly , couldn 't even get words out . So I went downstairs , got a mint hot chocolate , my fav . , and worked on this post until I was able to feed William . Congratulations my sweet bug , you are a big sister ! You 're just over a month into your new role and absolutely adore that little brother of yours ( as we all do ! ) . You love to give him kisses and hugs . The hugs are a little rough , but you just want to squeeze all your love into him so we try to remind you just to be gentle instead of yelling at you for being too rough . You 're constantly asking , " Where 's buddy ? What 's buddy doing ? " and want to see him first thing in the morning . You 'll often go to his door before mama and dada 's . You also like to get right up in his face . Literally nose to nose and say ' He 's wooking at you . ' You often ask for him to open his eyes if he is sleeping and like to beep his nose . For the first month , you were just about giving hugs and kisses and looking at him , but around 1 month , you started requesting to hold him . It is been interesting you watch your reactions to him change over the the past 5 weeks . Your first visit to the hospital , you didn 't give two hoots about him and were much more interested in playing with the buttons on the hospital bed . Subsequent visits to the hospital showed a little more interest as you were asking ' Who is that ? What is she doing ' ( you referred to him as a she for the first week 🙂 Then every week or so , you 've shown more interest in him and now you just can 't get enough . Although you do know his name , you almost solely refer to him as ' Buddy ' and will occasionally call him brother . When someone asks you his name you say Buddy . I 'll follow up and say , ' What 's his other name ? ' and you shyly respond , ' William ' . You love to help mama take care of brother too . You received a ' Big Sister ' book from Kelly and you love to read it and help me with things they mention in the book , like taking a bath , singing songs to William when he is crying ( Twinkle Twinkle , Baa Baa Black Sheep and Rock - a - bye - Baby ) and practicing tummy time . Upon completion of your task , you 'll tell me , ' I help , just like Big Sister book ' . As you 've watched Mama and Dada care for brother , you increased your nurturing tendencies tenfold . You 've shown much more interest in your baby dolls and feeding them and naming them ( Baby Molly ) , but most of the time you prefer to take care of Girafee . You love to put him into the swing , strap him into the carseat and often tell us you need to change him . You 've even taken care of Mrs . Potato head . She fell off the table and you ran to get her , cradled her in your arms and said ' It 's Ok ' Tato . It 's Ok . ' as you slowly rocked her back and forth . My heart fell out of my chest when you did this . So sweet . Through all your sweetness , you 've also shown us some sass , stubbornness and independence . You 're struggling with the lack of attention that Dada and I are able to give you . You 've had more potty accidents than normal , and just straight up don 't listen . It feels like the lack of listening happens most frequently when I can 't do anything to stop you . Example , I 'll be feeding William on the couch and you 'll climb up on the counter and open the cupboard doors to find yourself a snack . We tried to put you in time out , but you thought it was funny and laughed while you were there , you little stinker ! You also love to steel William 's pacifier . I 'll be changing him , and it is sitting on the floor next to me , you 'll come and snatch it up , run away with it as I request to bring it back . It is slightly maddening you little one ! As a result of your frustrations , I decided to take you out for some special Mommy - Lexi time . We went to a little music class and then to an indoor play ground at the Learn and Play Cafe . You were devastated that William wasn 't coming with us and kept asking where he was . Mommy is so proud of you sweet girl and how well you have adjusted ( are adjusting ) to this big transition . You are probably adjusting to this transition better then I am . I love watching your nurturing side come out and hearing you talk to your babies and toys as you take care of them . It is so sweet and just makes me a puddle of mush . Congratulations my sweet bug , you are a big sister ! You 're just over a month into your new role and absolutely adore that little brother of yours ( as we all do ! ) . You love to give him kisses and hugs . The hugs are a little rough , but you just want to squeeze all your love into him so we try to remind you just to be gentle instead of yelling at you for being too rough . You 're constantly asking , " Where 's buddy ? What 's buddy doing ? " and want to see him first thing in the morning . You 'll often go to his door before mama and dada 's . You also like to get right up in his face . Literally nose to nose and say ' He 's wooking at you . ' You often ask for him to open his eyes if he is sleeping and like to beep his nose . For the first month , you were just about giving hugs and kisses and looking at him , but around 1 month , you started requesting to hold him . It is been interesting you watch your reactions to him change over the the past 5 weeks . Your first visit to the hospital , you didn 't give two hoots about him and were much more interested in playing with the buttons on the hospital bed . Subsequent visits to the hospital showed a little more interest as you were asking ' Who is that ? What is she doing ' ( you referred to him as a she for the first week 🙂 Then every week or so , you 've shown more interest in him and now you just can 't get enough . Although you do know his name , you almost solely refer to him as ' Buddy ' and will occasionally call him brother . When someone asks you his name you say Buddy . I 'll follow up and say , ' What 's his other name ? ' and you shyly respond , ' William ' . You love to help mama take care of brother too . You received a ' Big Sister ' book from Kelly and you love to read it and help me with things they mention in the book , like taking a bath , singing songs to William when he is crying ( Twinkle Twinkle , Baa Baa Black Sheep and Rock - a - bye - Baby ) and practicing tummy time . Upon completion of your task , you 'll tell me , ' I help , just like Big Sister book ' . As you 've watched Mama and Dada care for brother , you increased your nurturing tendencies tenfold . You 've shown much more interest in your baby dolls and feeding them and naming them ( Baby Molly ) , but most of the time you prefer to take care of Girafee . You love to put him into the swing , strap him into the carseat and often tell us you need to change him . You 've even taken care of Mrs . Potato head . She fell off the table and you ran to get her , cradled her in your arms and said ' It 's Ok ' Tato . It 's Ok . ' as you slowly rocked her back and forth . My heart fell out of my chest when you did this . So sweet . Through all your sweetness , you 've also shown us some sass , stubbornness and independence . You 're struggling with the lack of attention that Dada and I are able to give you . You 've had more potty accidents than normal , and just straight up don 't listen . It feels like the lack of listening happens most frequently when I can 't do anything to stop you . Example , I 'll be feeding William on the couch and you 'll climb up on the counter and open the cupboard doors to find yourself a snack . We tried to put you in time out , but you thought it was funny and laughed while you were there , you little stinker ! You also love to steel William 's pacifier . I 'll be changing him , and it is sitting on the floor next to me , you 'll come and snatch it up , run away with it as I request to bring it back . It is slightly maddening you little one ! As a result of your frustrations , I decided to take you out for some special Mommy - Lexi time . We went to a little music class and then to an indoor play ground at the Learn and Play Cafe . You were devastated that William wasn 't coming with us and kept asking where he was . Mommy is so proud of you sweet girl and how well you have adjusted ( are adjusting ) to this big transition . You are probably adjusting to this transition better then I am . I love watching your nurturing side come out and hearing you talk to your babies and toys as you take care of them . It is so sweet and just makes me a puddle of mush . I swear I haven 't forgotten about posts for you . I have drafts of your monthly posts all the way from August that I need to publish . They are just more involved and I need to find time to finish them . You 're very confident that the baby is going to be your sister and when we ask you what we should name her , you just say ' Girl ' . Along those lines , over the past few days , with no prompting on my behalf at all , you like to tell me the things you 're going to share with your sister . Randomly , you started talking about how you were going to share books with sister and your pals . I asked if you were going to share Giraffee with your sister and you responded sternly , ' No , Giraffee mine ' . You learned how to open doors this week , which has made things a little more interesting as it is harder to keep you out of certain areas . While celebrating Christmas with Daddy 's family , you opened the door to the basement and went down their to get a toy . I saw that the door was open and the light was on , but didn 't hear any activity going on down there so I shut off the light and closed the door . I quickly learned that you had been down there . Thankfully , you went to the stairs , turned the light back on and came up and started banging on the door . Because the height of the stair is lower , you can 't reach the door handle . I felt pretty terrible about that , but was glad you didn 't freak out at all . Thats all for now my love bug . I have so many more thoughts for you around becoming a big sister and how our relationship is going to change . I 'll find some time in the next couple weeks to share .
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In America , you can 't watch TV these days without being shown some hideous crime that 's been committed . It 's horrifying what people are capable of doing to each other . Like this Psalm , we can 't wait until there 's an end to evil . It seems like the wicked get away with murder , literally . Long before TV , this same evil existed . It was hidden and much easier to get away with . Psalms 941 God , put an end to evil ; avenging God , show your colors ! 2 Judge of the earth , take your stand ; throw the book at the arrogant . 3 God , the wicked get away with murder - how long will you let this go on ? 4 They brag and boastand crow about their crimes ! The good news is that God does notice . He sees what is going on . Men and women who are trained and instructed in the Word of God , are actually included in a circle of quiet from evil . I really like that , " Circle of quiet . " I don 't notice the contrast as much now . But I do remember a time when sitting to read the Bible was like a breath of fresh air . We really need that in our electronic age . Watching some TV shows brings confusion and fear . Reading the Bible brings wisdom on how to handle the bad stuff . Psalms 94 : 12 - 2312 How blessed the man you train , God , the woman you instruct in your Word , 13 Providing a circle of quiet within the clamor of evil , while a jail is being built for the wicked . 14 God will never walk away from his people , never desert his precious people . 15 Rest assured that justice is on its wayand every good heart put right . 16 Who stood up for me against the wicked ? Who took my side against evil workers ? 17 If God hadn 't been there for me , I never would have made it . 18 The minute I said , " I 'm slipping , I 'm falling , " your love , God , took hold and held me fast . 19 When I was upset and beside myself , you calmed me down and cheered me up . In one of my office jobs , I had a manager following me around with goo goo eyes . He jumped out of cubes in front of me . He stood by my desk where I was trying to work and stared at me . One day I showed him my wedding ring and told him I 'm happPsalms 94 : 20 - 23 20 Can Misrule have anything in common with you ? Can Troublemaker pretend to be on your side ? 21 They ganged up on good people , plotted behind the backs of the innocent . 22 But God became my hideout , God was my high mountain retreat , 23 Then boomeranged their evil back on them : for their evil ways he wiped them out , our God cleaned them out for good . THE MESSAGE 17 Now after six days Jesus took Peter , James , and John his brother , led them up on a high mountain by themselves ; 2 and He was transfigured before them . His face shone like the sun , and His clothes became as white as the light . NKJV He must be beautiful to see ! I don 't think paintings can show the real Jesus - I suspect the colors of Heaven are beyond what we can see today . But one day we will , our eyes will be opened . I wonder if there are rainbows in Heaven and what they will look like . Psalms 93 Than the mighty waves of the sea . I think the holiness that adorns God 's house is also going to be a new experience for us . My first thought was of a house that 's too clean . The floors are highly polished , no dust anywhere , the furniture is covered in plastic . I walk in and wish to leave as soon as possible ( I 'm clumsy ) . If I don 't slip on the shiny floor , I will probably knock over a very expensive vase after tripping over a throw rug . Holiness is different than squeaky clean . It is pure without any evil or temptation , it is safe - absolutely no fear at all . At last we will be able to understand these feelings . I hope it 's like that , if not it 'll be better for sure . I must confess , I 'm really enjoying writing this blog . I 'm paying more attention to what the Bible says instead of just whizzing through to do my daily quiet time . I have several translations and find switching between them makes it more interesting . I would encourage anyone to do the same it 's so inspiring . It 's also encouraging when someone comments , it 's not just me , His Word speaks to us all . Thanks . This Psalm is a song of celebration ! It 's a Sabbath song . I love to sing to the Lord it 's such a great way to worship . When I used to commute for hours to work , I would crank up the Christian music and sing all the way . I 'd get to work , and be all sparkly and happy . My co - workers and boss wondered about me . . . But that 's ok - I 'd rather be happy and free then exactly what other people expect . 1 What a beautiful thing , God , to give thanks , to sing an anthem to you , the High God ! 2 To announce your love each daybreak , sing your faithful presence all through the night , 3 Accompanied by dulcimer and harp , the full - bodied music of strings . I first started experiencing God 's joy after I accepted Christ as my Savior . It 's hard to describe the feeling before . I would wake up in the morning and think , " Another day . . . now what ? " I felt so angry and hopeless . But God literally made me happy ! Even after 34 years , He still makes me sparkle and sing . God 's joy is different from happiness . Happiness is dependent on our circumstances , but joy ? It comes from God and right thinking . 4 You made me so happy , God . I saw your work and I shouted for joy . 5 How magnificent your work , God ! How profound your thoughts ! 6 Dullards never notice what you do ; fools never do get it . 7 When the wicked popped up like weedsand all the evil men and women took over , You mowed them down , finished them off once and for all . 8 You , God , are High and Eternal . 9 Look at your enemies , God ! Look at your enemies - ruined ! Scattered to the winds , all those hirelings of evil ! Ok as I read verse 10 I had to take a second look . A charging bison ? Yikes ! That 's not very ladylike . Big legs , horns on top of your head , an extremely hairy face . . . Oy ! But think about the bison . He 's tough , he digs into the ground , gets his horns in position and rapidly charges . I would not want to see a bison heading for me in this manner . But as a Christian , I like it . I dig into the Word . I have purpose , direction , and I go full - steam ahead to where God leads me . The trick , of course , is to be very sure your heading towards God 's plan . I 'm still a bit shy and the idea of being honored by a parade is intimidating . I 'd like to see Jesus honored more , cheer others on . 10 But you 've made me strong as a charging bison , you 've honored me with a festive parade . 11 The sight of my critics going down is still fresh , the rout of my malicious detractors . My ears are filled with the sounds of promise : When we stay in His Word and His presence ( Psalm 91 ) , we grow like a tree . We get roots that hold us solid and steady , we bear fruit and can truly help others . This is a common thread throughout the Bible . It 's good to be a tree . And remaining in the presence of God keeps us virile even in our old age . I read a prayer request today on a Christian forum , a man described his Mom as always having the right word from the Bible . A steady person he could always go to for help and encouragement . She always listened and let him talk about things . I hope I 'm like that as I age . 12 " Good people will prosper like palm trees , Grow tall like Lebanon cedars ; 13 transplanted to God 's courtyard , They 'll grow tall in the presence of God , 14 lithe and green , virile still in old age . " 15 Such witnesses to upright God ! My Mountain , my huge , holy Mountain ! THE MESSAGE This Psalm is a favorite of many people of different faiths . It 's a very comforting Psalm . There 's always something to worry about and these times are very unsettling . Sometimes I have to step back and ask , " Who does know what they 're talking about , and the real results of their decisions ? " God does . We need the Almighty today more than ever . We need a Savior ! And that He is . In faith we trust in God . To dwell in the secret place of the Most High , means to read His Word and pray , to be still and know He is God . We abide under His shadow , He is never far from us . In Washington state there 's a huge fortress that stands on top of a rocky cliff above Puget Sound . It 's made of strong metals , and has holes for canons , so soldiers can look out and protect us from the enemy . Waves crash against the cliff far below . God is our refuge , our fortress . 1 He who dwells in the secret place of the Most HighShall abide under the shadow of the Almighty . 2 I will say of the Lord , " He is my refuge and my fortress ; My God , in Him I will trust . " I understand the snares . It 's very easy to get caught up in things that just aren 't necessary . He covers us with His wings of love . Nighttime seems to be the worst if I am afraid and worried . I feel so alone during this time . He says that we shall not be afraid when we trust in Him . Maybe reading this Psalm would help . 3 Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowlerAnd from the perilous pestilence . 4 He shall cover you with His feathers , And under His wings you shall take refuge ; His truth shall be your shield and buckler . 5 You shall not be afraid of the terror by night , Nor of the arrow that flies by day , 6 Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness , Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday . Many have fallen from their faith . They give up on God thinking He is boring , or too strict . We know from medicine the results of bad choices with drugs and other things that destroy our bodies . I know the emptiness of living without God . But God will always take the fallen back . 7 A thousand may fall at your side , And ten thousand at your right hand ; But it shall not come near you . 8 Only with your eyes shall you look , And see the reward of the wicked . When we are dwelling with God , evil can 't come near us . He sends the angels to help us stay away from evil . They bear us up . This is a wonderful mystery . I wonder if in Heaven , we 'll realize all the many encounters we 've had with angels on earth . 9 Because you have made the Lord , who is my refuge , Even the Most High , your dwelling place , 10 No evil shall befall you , Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling ; 11 For He shall give His angels charge over you , To keep you in all your ways . 12 In their hands they shall bear you up , Lest you dash your foot against a stone . 13 You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra , The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot . God promises to be with us always especially through trouble . When we love Him , He delivers us . When we call out , He answers . He also gives us eternal life in Heaven and salvation , when we repent and accept Him . 14 " Because he has set his love upon Me , therefore I will deliver him ; I will set him on high , because he has known My name . 15 He shall call upon Me , and I will answer him ; I will be with him in trouble ; I will deliver him and honor him . 16 With long life I will satisfy him , And show him My salvation . " NKJV Jesus said it this way : John 16 : 33 " These things I have spoken to you , that in Me you may have peace . In the world you will have tribulation ; but be of good cheer , I have overcome the world . " NKJV This Psalm is both beautiful and powerful . It was written by Moses . Most of us realize what a tough assignment he was given . His job was to lead Israel out of Egypt and into the promised land . God promised He 'd lead the way . Sounds simple right ? I can understand some of what Moses felt . In many of my jobs it wasn 't the work itself that drove me crazy , most of the time it was the people . God provided mana and the people wanted meat . God provided quail and the people wanted beef . I 'd design a web site for usability and a VP wanted a design that was snazzy like a football . . . Oy ! Of course my work usually required management approval . Moses needed God 's approval . People are pretty much the same , as is God . 1 Lord , You have been our dwelling place in all generations . 2 Before the mountains were brought forth , Or ever You had formed the earth and the world , Even from everlasting to everlasting , You are God . The following verses reminded me of a cute story . A man was talking to God and he said , " God is it true a day to You is like a thousand years ? And a million dollars is like a penny ? " God answered , " Yes it is . " So the man asked , " Can I have a penny ? " His timing is perfect . But it 's not like our timetable . To us , our lives seem long , we have all the time in the world . But to God it 's like a moment . Yet each of us are as important to Him today as they were in Moses ' day . Even after all these years we still see His miracles through prayer and in the world around us . 4 For a thousand years in Your sightAre like yesterday when it is past , And like a watch in the night . 5 You carry them away like a flood ; They are like a sleep . In the morning they are like grass which grows up : 6 In the morning it flourishes and grows up ; In the evening it is cut down and withers . I have verse 12 on my bulletin board . It 's so important to seize the day , to not let our moments pass by without realizing . Today is really all we have . Yesterday is over , and tomorrow isn 't here . We don 't have control over either . Just today . 10 The days of our lives are seventy years ; And if by reason of strength they are eighty years , Yet their boast is only labor and sorrow ; For it is soon cut off , and we fly away . 11 Who knows the power of Your anger ? For as the fear of You , so is Your wrath . 12 So teach us to number our days , That we may gain a heart of wisdom . NKJV These verses also come to mind . Here 's how Jesus said it , Matt 6 : 34 " Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now , and don 't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow . God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes . " THE MESSAGE Psalm 89 is very long but these first verses really stood out to me . It 's one of those Psalms full of imagery you can almost see . Everything is based on God 's love . I love to look through astronomy books . The photos from the Hubble Spacecraft are amazing ! The " cosmos " ( planets , stars , gas clouds ) are a variety of colors : hot pink , purple , orange , green , literally sparkling in the black of space . They move across the sky in a great orchestrated dance . When things collide a gorgeous event happens in space . His love and faithfulness is the roof over our world , guaranteed by God . This Psalm was written by Ethan , he was a singer during the time of Solomon . Psalms 89 1 Your love , God , is my song , and I 'll sing it ! your fidelity has been the roof over our world . Jesus came through the lineage of David . As Christians , we are guaranteed life through Him . Jesus the solid ruler , our rock . The more I read the Psalms , the more I see the unfolding of the New Testament . It 's really amazing how many years this has been coming together . I 'll make your rule as solid and lasting as rock . ' " He is God of the Angel Armies . I 've never seen an angel . But they must be magnificent . I wonder if they sparkle like the beautiful cosmos . Armies of angels must be breathtaking . Man was created a little lower than the angels . So we can 't fully understand them , but even the angels are in awe of God . One day we will , and we know they are on earth serving God . This part of the Psalms reminds me of a symphony . God stands with hands raised pointing to the stars to make their contribution , then the angels , next the sun , the ocean , and man . Unlike me who gives up on things that are too much trouble , He doesn 't . He knows the conclusion and it will be awesome ! And the son of man that You visit him ? 5 For You have made him a little lower than the angels , And You have crowned him with glory and honor . NKJV For Valentine 's Day I wanted to take a break from the Psalms and share this . When I was a new Christian I struggled to understand God . I was worried about everything I did , is this a sin ? Is this good ? To add to my confusion , my major in college , was in Fine Art which included required courses in Art History . We started with Gothic painting in Italy which included all the old frescoes , sculptures and paintings from the huge cathedrals . My school was in Seattle , so we watched slide after slide of pictures depicting Jesus , Mary , the disciples . . . The story of the Bible , in pictures for those who couldn 't read . I sat seeing the faces of Jesus - some were sad , some staring into space , many of His death . I would try and pray at night and see one of the images in my mind . Then I 'd stop myself , " Wait that 's not who I 'm praying to . " It was very confusing and as much as I loved studying the paintings , I was relieved to have the images stop in my head ! Now I can look at artwork and appreciate it much more , because there 's no test at the end . I was reading 1 Corinthians 13 one night . The " Love " chapter . I kept reading it and realized it seemed impossible . When I pray for patience , something happens to show me I don 't have any ! I stumbled through the chapter wondering how a person could be like this . When it dawned on me that 1 John says , " God is love . " I began to see God in a new way . God isn 't waiting for us to mess up . He 's rejoicing when I get things right - He 's cheering me on ! It 's a beautiful description of God . When I quit worrying about a test at the end , this doesn 't seem quite so impossible . I can simply love Him back . 1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels , but have not love , I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal . 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy , and understand all mysteries and all knowledge , and though I have all faith , so that I could remove mountains , but have not love , I am nothing . 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor , and though I give my body to be burned , but have not love , it profits me nothing . 4 Love suffers long and is kind ; love does not envy ; love does not parade itself , is not puffed up ; 5 does not behave rudely , does not seek its own , is not provoked , thinks no evil ; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity , but rejoices in the truth ; 7 bears all things , believes all things , hopes all things , endures all things . 8 Love never fails . But whether there are prophecies , they will fail ; whether there are tongues , they will cease ; whether there is knowledge , it will vanish away . 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part . 10 But when that which is perfect has come , then that which is in part will be done away . 11 When I was a child , I spoke as a child , I understood as a child , I thought as a child ; but when I became a man , I put away childish things . 12 For now we see in a mirror , dimly , but then face to face . Now I know in part , but then I shall know just as I also am known . 13 And now abide faith , hope , love , these three ; but the greatest of these is love . NKJV 8 He who does not love does not know God , for God is love . 9 In this the love of God was manifested toward us , that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world , that we might live through Him . NKJV Sadly , we don 't always realize what we have . It 's easy to become ungrateful or just not notice what 's going on around us . I remember shooting a gargoyle on the top of a building in NYC . I had my camera on a tripod . A man in a business suit walked up beside me to see what I was shooting . It made me wonder how many people live in the city and miss out on details like this . But God doesn 't give up on us . The struggle with faith and thanksgiving was huge for the people of Israel . We still have that struggle today as Christians . 1 God , you smiled on your good earth ! You brought good times back to Jacob ! 2 You lifted the cloud of guilt from your people , you put their sins far out of sight . 3 You took back your sin - provoked threats , you cooled your hot , righteous anger . I can pray along with this Psalm , " Help us again . " Jesus provided the new start we needed , the resurrection life . After I accepted Christ , the first thing I noticed was I laughed for the first time in years . I was watching a TV show and just started laughing . I think the first fruit of the Spirit I experienced was joy . With the current political climate in North America , this prayer is important . 4 Help us again , God of our help ; don 't hold a grudge against us forever . 5 You aren 't going to keep this up , are you ? scowling and angry , year after year ? 6 Why not help us make a fresh start - a resurrection life ? Then your people will laugh and sing ! 7 Show us how much you love us , God ! Give us the salvation we need ! In Heaven there will be no more religions , no one will be called , " fools . " All questions will be answered . He loves His holy people which includes the Jews - all people who accept Jesus ' sacrifice . 8 I can 't wait to hear what he 'll say . God 's about to pronounce his people well , The holy people he loves so much , so they 'll never again live like fools . 9 See how close his salvation is to those who fear him ? Our country is home base for Glory ! Love , truth and right living are a result of our faith . At least I do my best with living right . I am definitely not perfect . I don 't know any Christians who want to destroy others because they don 't believe like they do . I do know a lot of Christians who try to help others with food , visiting in prisons , clothes , and other things , regardless of their beliefs . Jesus is our example . He showed us how to live . 10 Love and Truth meet in the street , Right Living and Whole Living embrace and kiss ! 11 Truth sprouts green from the ground , Right Living pours down from the skies ! 12 Oh yes ! God gives Goodness and Beauty ; our land responds with Bounty and Blessing . 13 Right Living strides out before him , and clears a path for his passage . THE MESSAGE " Right Living strides before us , and clears a path for His passage " just like Palm Sunday in the New Testament ( Matt 21 : 4 - 11 ) . Jesus , Son of God , chose to ride a donkey into Jerusalem . Though He is God , the King of King 's , He came to earth in humility . This Psalm was written by one of Korah 's sons . When I think of God 's house , I think of the mansions Jesus talked about in Heaven . I did a little research and it actually refers to the Tent of the Congregation David set up on Mount Zion . When I think of it as Church , I can relate to it easily . Although today we have the Holy Spirit within us and we are His tabernacles as well . Perhaps there are three places to experience God 's presence : our hearts , the Church , and Heaven . We won 't miss out ! This is a beautiful Psalm with great imagery . Psalms 841 What a beautiful home , God of the Angel Armies ! I 've always longed to live in a place like this , 2 Always dreamed of a room in your house , where I could sing for joy to God - alive ! There 's an old casino along the Asbury Park boardwalk , at the Jersey Shore . Although most of the buildings have been renovated , the Casino has not . It 's a large cement building with no glass in the windows . The doves love to build nests in the window sills . On a hot summer day , you can walk inside and feel the cool air . The echo of doves cooing bounces through the room . It 's really quite amazing . 3 Birds find nooks and crannies in your house , sparrows and swallows make nests there . They lay their eggs and raise their young , singing their songs in the place where we worship . God of the Angel Armies ! King ! God ! 4 How blessed they are to live and sing there ! Our journeys with Christ are always full of ups and downs . There are many winding turns that we didn 't expect . Some really really bad days . But there are also many fantastic days . It seems like God knows just when we need to be refreshed . His timing is perfect , and there 's always some refreshment when we need it most . It could be a Pastor 's message , a passage of scripture , a miracle , or a simple hug at just the right moment . It 's not an easy journey . But we definitely don 't want to miss the ending ! 5 And how blessed all those in whom you live , whose lives become roads you travel ; 6 They wind through lonesome valleys , come upon brooks , discover cool springs Posted by Last night I was reading an article titled , " Kings of Controversy " in National Geographic . When I came to this Psalm this morning , I had to smile . The story in the article is about how archaeologists are testing to verify that they have discovered King Solomon 's mines , the place where people watched David slay Goliath , and also the house of David . The remains would be over 12 , 000 years old now but the evidence seems pretty sound to me . There are political issues among the archaeologists and agendas . When the proof is verified , the ownership of the land in Israel will be set . Some of the Israelis believe this is " right - winged " attempts at politics , and seek to prove the archaeology is false . Others believe it 's the only way to prove ownership . Some say the Bible should not be used as a reference in archaeology - it should be solely based on scientific fact . And others want to make the " Most Famous " list finding the biggest treasure . Think I 'll just pray for peace for those in this region . Psalms 78 is another very long Psalm . It describes the exodus where Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt . It 's very interesting and details how every blessing God provided , turned into a complaint . Even though the people were seeing God 's miracles , they weren 't thankful . Finally God left them to their own devices - just turned His back in anger . Psalm 78 : 65 picks up where God once again became engaged with His people . There were 12 tribes of Israel . God disqualified all of them except Judah . From Judah came David , a simple shepherd boy . He was chosen to be King over Israel , and in the lineage of the Son of God - Son of Man , Jesus . God chooses the simple ones like us . He came through simple people . his people Israel , his prize possession . But why would God choose a shepherd ? The answer is here : 72 His good heart made him a good shepherd ; The New Testament explains it even further . God doesn 't expect much from men 's wisdom , our mighty acts , our self - made nobility . He chooses the foolish to shame the wise , the weak to shame the mighty , the despised ones , the things that are not happening to show the nothingness of the things that are . Our jaws drop when we here the testimonies of some Christians . From nothing to magnificent through the power of Christ . Good news for us ! We don 't have to be brilliant or perfect . Just God 's . 26 For you see your calling , brethren , that not many wise according to the flesh , not many mighty , not many noble , are called . 27 But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise , and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty ; 28 and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen , and the things which are not , to bring to nothing the things that are , 29 that no flesh should glory in His presence . 30 But of Him you are in Christ Jesus , who became for us wisdom from God - and righteousness and sanctification and redemption - 31 that , as it is written , " He who glories , let him glory in the Lord . " NKJV This is one of those Psalms that quickly reminds me of how I 'm not the only one that feels this way . I love it . It 's another Psalm by Asaph . He was having some sort of trouble , it felt like an open wound . He couldn 't sleep at night . He couldn 't even really figure out why . He talked to friends and they said , " Don 't worry . Everything will be alright . " This always sounds good for a minute , but when you 're struggling it 's not really a solution . I have this same problem , I feel something and I don 't really know why . Just can 't put my finger on it . I 've had moments where I thought surely God is done with me now . He 's done one too many miracles for me . Now He has other things that are more important . But , He 's not like man . He doesn 't go out of business . Psalms 77 just the moment I need him . " Next a great piece of advise is written , and Asaph 's faith is restored . He thinks back on his life , all the things God has done . When I think back and remember all the times God has provided jobs for me , all the many ways He 's fixed things I can 't doubt . There was even a time when I worked in a large aerospace company . It was my job to put together a technical manual from representatives of different teams . They all hated each other . Our first meeting was very difficult . As a team facilitator and analyst , I did my best to steer them in the right direction . But these guys just wanted to vent on each other . It was a long hard job for them , with many tries and failures . I prayed , and thought about wearing a bicycle helmet to the next meeting , just to lighten things up . I brought it , but decided not to wear it . When I went into the room I saw the faces of angels ( yes even software engineers can have an angelic look once in awhile ) . I walked outside to make sure I was in the right room . It was . So I started working on finishing the project . Smooth as glass . They even thanked me . . . I remember going back to my desk and my boss was nervously waiting by my cube , " How did it go ? " I replied , " No problem it 's all done . " My boss just smiled and shook his head . Later he told me I was never permitted to leave his department . I write this with a huge smile and laughter . Amazing God ! It was totally not me . I 'm sure you have memories like that too . When I get discouraged I need to remember all the miracles ( great and small ) I 've experienced by His side . No god is great like our God ! 11 Once again I 'll go over what God has done , lay out on the table the ancient wonders ; 12 I 'll ponder all the things you 've accomplished , and give a long , loving look at your acts . Asaph remembers and bursts into praise . 13 O God ! Your way is holy ! No god is great like God ! 14 You 're the God who makes things happen ; you showed everyone what you can do - 15 You pulled your people out of the worst kind of trouble , rescued the children of Jacob and Joseph . THE MESSAGE Another verse that came to mind when I was reading this Psalm was from Revelation in the New Testament . It turns out our personal testimonies are very important in the spiritual scheme of things . Satan is overcome by the blood of Jesus and the word of the believer 's testimony . Pretty cool huh ? This is another Psalm by Asaph . It starts out with many thanks to God - sometimes thanks isn 't what 's on my mind . One day the washing machine started making very loud noises . Then it started to dance . I knew we had a problem . I imagined soap flowing out of it and all it would cost to fix it . Suddenly I got a brilliant idea , and unplugged it . Even when everything seems to be out of control and I 'm sure nothing will ever go right again , God reminds me there 's always something to be thankful for . It can be the small things like clothes to wash today , money to buy groceries , my husband , the cats . Even having the Bible is something to say thanks about . We got the washing machine fixed just fine and moved on . It 's interesting how things seem to stop me short sometimes . 1 We thank you , God , we thank you - your Name is our favorite word ; your mighty works are all we talk about . 2 You say , " I 'm calling this meeting to order , I 'm ready to set things right . 3 When the earth goes topsy - turvyAnd nobody knows which end is up , I nail it all down , I put everything in place again . When I see a miracle , like a person getting healed from an illness . I feel like nothing is impossible for God ! He 's almighty I 've got it made . Then something happens . I forget . He is " High God , " " Rock of Ages " ( I 've heard those descriptions in hymns ) . Psalm 75 4 I say to the smart alecks , ' That 's enough , ' to the bullies , ' Not so fast . ' " 5 Don 't raise your fist against High God . Don 't raise your voice against Rock of Ages . 6 He 's the One from east to west ; from desert to mountains , he 's the One . He is bigger than we could ever imagine ! God weighs the scales , He brings one down on his knees , another up on her feet . We all experience the ups and downs in our lives . Maybe that 's why I try to read the Bible each day , I need to be reminded a lot ! Plus I love some time with God , He 's always solid . 7 God rules : he brings this one down to his knees , pulls that one up on her feet . 8 God has a cup in his hand , a bowl of wine , full to the brim . He draws from it and pours ; it 's drained to the dregs . Earth 's wicked ones drink it all , drink it down to the last bitter drop ! 9 And I 'm telling the story of God Eternal , singing the praises of Jacob 's God . 10 The fists of the wickedare bloody stumps , The arms of the righteousare lofty green branches . THE MESSAGE Perhaps the " arms of the righteous are lofty green branches " refers to a tree who takes its nourishment from God , that stands by the still waters . It bears fruit in serving God . The shade provides relief for those who come near them . In a literal sense it doesn 't sound so attractive . But spiritually very cool . Posted by I am happily married , with two cats . After many years in business , I 'm reinventing my career in freelance work . I 've been taking photos since I was 5 , used to trace the pictures on my sheets in the crib , and have been writing ever since I learned how . It 's time for me to use the skills I love . I 'm a graduate of New York Institute of Photography , Professional Photographer 's Course . Feel free to contact me ( link ) if you have questions or need a photographer .
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I 'm now on Diclectin , an anti - nauseant medication specifically for pregnancy , and it has been a lifesaver . The nausea is not 100 % gone , but is now manageable enough that I can function , and most importantly , eat again . Just in time too , as another day or two and I would have been pulling out my skinny jeans . I think the girls might have been getting tired of crackers and gingerale for breakfast . Well , maybe not the gingerale … but definitely the crackers . I wonder if they 're still accepting nominations for ' mom of the year . ' Not for me . Obviously . But maybe for my mom , who came over in the morning , made some oatmeal , got the kids dressed and took them to daycare when I was at my worst . We 're just over 8 weeks and man , am I tired ! The first trimester fatigue has hit me like a freight train ! I haven 't been sleeping very well at night , waking on my own a few times in addition to our 20 month old deciding that sleeping through the night is no longer for her . It started when she was sick , and we haven 't been able to get back on track since . Now we 've just fallen into bad habits , even bringing her to our bed in the middle of the night . We have a queen sized bed , and some nights there are 4 of us in it . Seriously considering baby - sleep boot camp soon . Her days , or nights I should say , are numbered . Each morning , regardless of how early I go to bed , I am dragging myself out of bed only to be ready to crawl back in a couple of hours later . Unfotunately , that 's not usually how it works out . I think what makes it harder is that this time around is having two kids to take care of , so catnaps are a lot harder to come by . The countdown is on , as there 's only a month left till we hit the second trimester and then this will be but a distant memory . I 'll be able to laugh at things like giving the girls a box of crackers for lunch . I might even remember it as being kind of ' cute and funny ' . Right now I 'm just grateful that Lily helps herself and can supplement these sub - par meals with yogurt , applesauce and cheese sticks . Another thing that is different this time around , is that I 've been sicker than I was with the girls . I never vomited with the girls , and just assumed it would be the same this time too . Not the case . Everyone seems to have a theory about this . Maybe it 's genetics or maybe it 's gender . I guess time will tell . So to date , I 've gained 15 lbs . Crazy , right ? 10 have been from all the hormones and medications before even getting pregnant , and about 5 lbs since . That 's just enough that my clothes aren 't fitting very well and are all a little snug , but not enough to look pregnant . Instead I just look well fed , and can no longer " suck it in " . Too much holiday baking , perhaps ? I 'll go with that . Here 's a pic of my little bump so far . I 'm not sure what I was thinking in the first shot at 5 weeks , lifting my shirt and showing my ponch , but oh well . It 's the closest thing to a pre - pregnancy shot . I am beyond excited to let everyone know that there is ONE little bean in my tummy right now ! Our official due date is July 27 , 2013 ! We got to the clinic in the morning , and I was feeling both nervous and excited at the same time . I had butterflies in my stomach , with my mind racing at what we were about to find out . How many babies was I carrying ? Janelle and I had been in touch last night as well as this morning , and thanks to modern technology we were able to use my phone to Skype so that Janelle was " there " and could see and hear everything that was going on . We got right to business and right away saw the baby on the ultrasound screen . It 's still small right now , measuring 12 mm , about the size of a blueberry , which is right on track . Before we knew it , we could hear the sound of baby 's heart beating . It really was spectacular . . . to hear that thumping sound and to see the little blips on the monitor rise and fall to the beat . I was so glad that Janelle was able to be a part of it and see it all as it was happening . There really is something so special about hearing your baby 's heart beating for the first time . For me , this appointment really made things more real . Though I 'd been trying to prepare myself for the possibility of two babies and trying not to be scared of carrying twins , I was relieved to hear that there was just one in there . The doctor double checked to make sure there wasn 't another one hiding in any of the nooks and crannies of my uterus , and hearing that there was indeed only one baby felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders . One baby . . . no problem ! I 've done this before and know what to expect ! Right now I just feel like we are so fortunate and have so much to be grateful for . Here 's the start of the appointment , getting Janelle on the line just before the ultrasound . Hubby was with me for the appointment and tried to take a video of the ultrasound . You can see Janelle on my phone watching the monitor . The quality of the video is not that great and the sound cuts in and out a couple of times , and the video is a bit choppy with some pauses in it , but it 's a glimpse of what we got to see . It 's such a busy and exciting time ! I go back to the doctor 's again next week for another check up and ultrasound , as well as have my first appointment with the midwife . I was given the date when I can stop taking all my meds and hormones , so I have it circled on the calendar and can 't wait ! ( January 10th , for anyone wondering : ) We now have even one more thing to celebrate over the holidays , and don 't think we could ask for anything more . Except maybe chocolate . We can ask for that . Tomorrow is our 7 week ultrasound when we find out if the pregnancy is progressing well , and also get the big question of " How many ? " answered . I am so excited for this day ! Kim and I caught up this evening using FaceTime in hopes that we can make use of it tomorrow and I can be " in the room " with her : ) I know that Kim , Joel and I have all gone back and forth in our heads as to whether or not we 're expecting one or two . My first thoughts were that it was the 14 cell embryo that implanted but then Kim 's beta numbers came in so strong and she 's been really tired , so I started to think it must be two . There 's all these little signs that you try to see and fit together as you 're waiting for a day of answers to arrive . The other morning at work my co - worker came into my office and told me that she dreamt about me . She went on to tell me that in her dream she was at the hospital with Joel and I , and that there was a baby being born out of a balloon - like object , and that it was a baby girl ! My writing does not do this story justice because it truly was such a cute story . She said that she pinched Joel 's nose to congratulate him for becoming a Dad again : ) We 've had some time to digest the news , and there are times I 'm still in awe . There are some moments where this feels like the most normal thing in the world , and others times where I still can 't believe it . I 'm actually pregnant . Emotionally , I 'm doing great ! At least as far as the pregnancy is concerned . . . haha ! I feel excited about where we 're at , am feeling positive and looking forward to the future . This really is such a different experience , one that I suppose not too many people get to experience . I think one of the most common questions or concerns people have regarding surrogacy , is the ability to carry a baby for 9 months and then " give it away . " You go into it , knowing right from the onset that this is not your baby . This really could not be truer . I don 't have the same attachment as I did with my own pregnancies . I feel more protective instead , wanting to do everything I can to give this baby the best start and ensure that everything goes uneventfully perfect . I find myself doing things like shielding my abdomen when the girls come jumping on the couch , trying to rest when I feel I need it , and eating enough regularly . No more skipping breakfast . I don 't have daydreams of the future with another baby , or imagine pushing a newborn in a stroller and choosing a cute tiny outfit to bring home a new baby in . My daydreams with this baby end at delivery , and then seem to skip to the future - with Janelle and Joel coming to visit with two kids instead of just one . Or us going to Calgary and all the kids playing together outside . I 've read it described not as " giving a baby away , but giving a baby back . " I think this is such a great way to describe it , and really sums up some of the feelings . I think this is healthy . Physically , the last little while has been just ok . It seems that I soon as I got pregnant , I got sick . Not as in morning sickness , but a cold . And being pregnant , there 's nothing I can really take for it . My theory is that my body 's energy is now being diverted , and the energy that was being expended fighting off all the bugs is now going towards growing this baby . I read on one of those baby - centre type websites , that said my body is currently undertaking the " Herculean task of forming the placenta . " That made me smile . It reminds me of just how much my body is doing right now in these early stages . Along with my cold , I 've also had some of the other early pregnancy symptoms , including bloating , cramping , breast tenderness , increased appetite and FATIGUE ! Oh the fatigue . . . the other day I was completely wiped out and ready for bed , but then looked at the clock and it was only 5 : 38 pm . With a lot of effort I managed to stay up till 8 : 00 pm , and then passed out as soon as my head hit the pillow . There was also a day at work where I vomited . Gross . I 'm hoping it 's a good sign that things are going well . At first , I was scared . I feel silly to write this , as people have twins everyday and it 's not a big deal . There are so many unknowns . . . will they both develop properly , would I need a C - section , would there be bedrest , dealing with premature babies , and then caring for my girls at the same time during a " higher risk pregnancy . " It 's exciting and terrifying all at the same time . Having had some time to think about it more , I 've decided not to worry about it , and I have faith that whatever is meant to be will happen . Regardless whether it 's one or two , I will be thrilled . Simply amazing ! ! I can 't believe that Kim is pregnant ! I think I 'm partially still in shock that Kim has tested positive , even after the five pee sticks and two blood tests : ) I seriously don 't know what to do with myself . I 've been wanting to write a post for days now but was worried I wouldn 't be able to put down in words this feeling , this moment . So I finally decided to just start typing . Who knows how coherent all of this will be . . . After the first blood test on Monday that gave us such a solid number we skyped with Kim and Carl , and Carl said - " you might not be able to see it but Kim has a glow " . Just thinking about those words and Kim 's smile gives me goosebumps . For those near to Kim , please give her lots of hugs for me ! Oh and Carl , you good at foot rubs ! ? Now my focus is on December 10th . With each stage of this adventure there 's a new date drilled into my head as being " the day " and this one is pretty significant . Not only will the ultrasound help confirm proper development and growth , it will answer the question : are there one or two babies in Kim 's belly ? My husband has already started doing research on mini vans , haha ! A Beta test is the blood test done to measure the amount of HCG ( pregnancy hormone ) in the blood . With IVF , they do more than one test ; first to confirm pregnancy and subsequent tests to make sure that the pregnancy is progressing properly and implantation was successful . I had my first test on Monday morning and that afternoon the clinical co - ordinator of the fertility clinic called to give me my results . She told me that normally for the stage we 're at , they like to see the number over 100 . Guess what mine was ? Yep , 568 ! I was completely shocked ! She told me that the level was quite high , and that I should start preparing myself of the possibility that there might be more than one baby in there . Even though we obviously knew that this was a possibility , it 's so different hearing it from the staff and being told to start preparing myself . I was excited , nervous and scared all at the same time . I thought that one baby is a piece of cake * - have done it twice before so I know what to expect . But the prospect of carrying twins would be a different pregnancy altogether and something that is totally unknown to me . ( Though there is something appealing about the idea of " eating for 3 ! " Haha ! ) 1480 ! ! ! We had met our doubling criteria and then some ! We have an ultrasound booked on December 10th , and that 's when we 'll find out if there will be one or two babies arriving next summer ! * Having a baby is not really a " piece of cake . " Hardly . If I end up having twins though , I may change my mind on this statement later on . Here is is ! First BFP ! ( Big Fat Positive ! ) I tested at home yesterday morning and this was what I saw ! My heart started pounding . I took a picture , emailed it to Janelle and sent her a couple of text messages , then jumped into the shower while I waited to hear back . My nerves were all over the place and I showered at lightning speed , not wanting to miss her call , as my mind continued to run amuck . I got out of the shower and just kept staring at the stick in disbelief . Yep , it was still positive . When Carl ( my husband ) saw the test , he gave me a hug . We were pregnant again - but this time with someone else 's baby . I told him that this might be one of the craziest things we 've ever done . When Janelle called back , she had already checked her email and had seen the picture of the positive test I had sent . Obviously , we were both over the moon with excitement and I think both our heads were spinning . We were pregnant ! ? ! Wow ! It was hard to believe and was so surreal . I had to go to work , but when I got there my head was just not there , and I found it hard to stay on task for most of the day . I think I was still in shock and awe . We know that it 's super early and premature to start celebrating , but it 's hard not to get excited . Now we just need to hope that this is a sticky one and that it continues to grow into a healthy pregnancy . We will know more when we have our first beta test on Monday , which is the blood test to determine the HcG ( pregnancy hormone ) levels . We 're hoping for a good strong number , which will " officially " confirm the pregnancy . We will then have to go back to have the blood levels checked every few days , and if all goes well , the numbers should double every 24 hours or so . We are all cautiously optimistic ; I think our husbands a little more so , ( cautious , I mean ) , and we 're taking things one step at a time . I don 't know if Janelle and I are quite as grounded as the boys are - as it 's so much more fun to dream of a little baby and what next summer will bring if everything continues to go well . According to BabyCenter , our due date would be July 30 , 2013 . Wow . I find myself forgetting what day of the week it is quite often these days . I think it 's my coping method with the wait time we have until the day of the pregnancy blood test . The thought of doing a countdown of sorts only increases my anxiousness , so instead I only glance at the calendar . Before I know it , test day will be around the corner , right ! ? I tried thinking of some fun ways of doing a countdown , like creating a 13 - day chocolate advent calendar of sorts . This would be quite easy since we still have a bowl full of Halloween candy . Then my anxiousness can be paired with a sugar high ! ! Haha , not sure that 'll do me any good . . . Truthfully I 'm more excited than anything . I 've been feeling really positive about this transfer and I know I 'm not the only one . I hope the energy in the world is speaking to us with accuracy ; ) An embryo transfer is usually done on either day 3 or day 5 . I didn 't really know what this meant ( apart from the obvious ) until fairly recently , so I 'll try to explain it as best I can , and hopefully I don 't muddle it too much . After the eggs are fertilized , they are cultivated in the lab where they will continue to split and divide , and by the third day the embryos will have 6 - 8 cells . From Day 3 to Day 5 , the embryo undergoes massive changes and becomes a blastocyst , where it can then have around 250 cells . Big jump ! Apparently transferring a day 5 embryo allows for a better selection of embryos that are more likely to result in a successful pregnancy . Typically there is a lower chance of multiples with day 5 transfers , as fewer embryos are transferred at one time , and I think there might be a higher implantation rate . So why don 't we wait till day 5 ? That 's what I wondered . Turns out that a lab is not the ideal environment for the embryos to cultivate , so many of them will not survive to make it to day 5 . If there are not a lot of embryos to start with , it is risky trying to get them to day 5 because the embryos may not survive that long , where they would 've still been viable at day 3 . I think it 's something that each couple has to weigh the pros and cons of , depending on what their own situation is . For us , having only 4 embryos to work with meant we go with day 3 ' ers . Back to the transfer . . . I got to the clinic in the morning , but this time around I had paced myself with my water consumption , so it was not as uncomfortable as the last time . Since Janelle couldn 't make it out and my hubby was working , my cousin Rachel came with me . She 's just finished nursing school so she was fascinated with it all from the medical point of view . We got in right away and started the process . The embryologist came to talk to us as we got to see the two little embryos on the screen . The embryos are scored on a scale out of 20 , and the ones that they had scored 18 and 19 . They had been pulled out of the deep freeze the day before to start thawing , and overnight one of them continued to grow and divide . Now , instead of putting in two 7 - cell embryos , we were putting in one 7 - cell and one 14 - cell ! Here 's a pic of the two embryos . The one on the left is the one that continued to divide and was now at 14 cells . The other is still at 7 cells . The procedure itself went well . This time I knew more what to expect , and what to look for on the ultrasound screen . Rachel took some pictures so I could email them to Janelle and Joel and of course share them here too ! : ) The big black mass at the top of the screen is my very full bladder . Underneath , you can see a small white dot , which is the air pocket that the embryos are in . Here it is close up . Can you see them ? I think it 's one boy and one girl . ( Kidding , of course ! ) All done ! Piece of cake . . . I 'm " locked and loaded ! " Literally . Haha ! After the procedure the doctor did some acupuncture , and then we were ready to go . We got take - out on the way home and had a completely lazy and relaxing afternoon . We made a pot of tea , crawled into bed and watched movies . Grown up movies . No Tinkerbell , no Rapunzel . My mom came by later with one of my favourite dinners , so I got to continue taking it easy the rest of the day without having to worry about supper . Bliss . If only every day was transfer day . . . I could sure get used to days like this . Now comes the two week wait , while we wait to have the blood test to see if I 'm pregnant . Sometimes I think that this is the hardest part . I feel like this past week has been a blur . I 've been sick which automatically puts me in a funk , Asher is sick , so is Joel , and my Mom who came and surprised me for my birthday has now also succumbed to the germs . Every time I 'm sick I feel like its a quick kick - in - the - butt reminder of what it really means to be healthy . . . definitely something to appreciate ! Leading up to our second transfer attempt Joel and I debated for about 4 days as to whether or not we should transfer 1 or 2 embryos . Our doctor recommended 2 but we had our concerns . Raising twins was not what held us back from jumping on board right away , rather we wanted to make sure it was worth setting ourselves up for the potential of Kim having a high risk pregnancy & birth , as well as increased risk to the health of the babies . In some ways we were jumping the gun , because our concerns are still preceded by the big IF we ( Kim ) gets pregnant . I 'm sad that I won 't be with Kim this go around . Considering my sniffles and watery eyes right now , it 's probably a good thing . It certainly will be hard to concentrate while at work on the day of transfer # 2 . I 'm both excited and nervous at the same time . I had been hoping that they would decide to go with two , but was prepared either way . I 'm pretty excited about the final decision though . It 's not that I 'm hoping for twins , but it 's more like feeling that we 're really giving it all we 've got to try to make this work . I think the stats for twins after transferring 2 embryos are around 25 % . When talking with the doctor , he said that putting in two definitely increases the chance of pregnancy , and that not every embryo makes it to a baby . So here we go again for round 2 ! Yay ! Sometimes I think the hormones are catching up with me . I start the increased hormones tomorrow , adding progesterone and antibiotics to my medication routine in preparation for the transfer . It 's bittersweet , as I love that it means we 're moving forward , but hate what the medications do to me . After starting these medications last month , I asked hubby what the side effects of the progesterone were , and if rage , variations in mood might be one of them . Turns out that mood swings and irritability are right up there on the list . That , paired with my heightened emotional state from all the estrogen , don 't always make me a ray of sunshine . Lily and I recently watched the new Tinkerbell movie , and I found myself getting emotional when poor Tinkerbell broke a wing . Seriously ? Yes . I blame the meds . I wonder if other surrogates experience the same thing , or something similar . I was talking to one of the doctors about it at work , and we both agreed it was indeed the meds . She suggested I go on a huge shopping spree , and buy myself lots of great things . It 's no secret that I 've had trouble building a thick uterine lining . Our first transfer had to be cancelled due to the lining being too thin , and even with the increased doses of estrogen we never made it beyond 4 . 7 mm . In our second cycle , my baseline ultrasound started off at 4 mm , and then after the 10 or so days on Estrace , it was still only measuring at 4 mm . We eventually managed to get the lining up to 6 mm , which was where it was at when we did the embryo transfer . Ideally , they usually like to see the lining measuring at least 8 mm before doing a transfer , but because the appearance of the uterus was otherwise so good , we went ahead and did the transfer anyway . The staff at the clinic said that even though this was not your typically ideal lining , it was still worth going ahead and that they had still seen lots of babies that started in a 6 mm lining . We crossed our fingers , and transferred one 3 - day embryo , which unfortunately did not result in a pregnancy . We 're now trying again , and this morning I had another appointment at the clinic where I had another ultrasound to measure the thickness of the lining as well as check my hormone levels again . This will be my third time starting the Estrace and working on trying to build up a nice fluffy lining for a little embryo to nestle into . For this cycle , we decided to try some acupuncture as well . The acupuncture is supposed to work in conjunction with the medications and my own body , to increase chances of achieving and maintaining a healthy pregnancy . Apparently they 've done studies showing great success with acupuncture and IVF and found the two work really well together . Today was my first appointment since starting the acupuncture , and my lining measured at a whoppin ' 6 . 8 mm ! This was huge for me , and the thickest that my uterine lining has ever been . For comparison , at this same appointment in the last cycle I was only measuring at 4 mm at this stage , so I 'm feeling pretty excited about where we 're at right now - as it should only get thicker from here . Whether or not this is from the acupuncture or not , I 'm not sure , but I 'll happily take it ! The other big thing that will be happening later on today , is that Janelle and Joel have an appointment with the doctor where they will decide on how many embryos we will be transferring . There are 3 frozen , and they will be deciding whether we will be transferring one or two ? Transferring two does have a higher chance of pregnancy , but then there is the added risk of multiples . The doctor and I talked about it briefly this morning , so now we 'll just wait and see what the verdict is later today . It 's pretty exciting , and I 'm fine with whatever they decide to do . I 'm dressed as " Jem , " but only us kids from the 80 's really know who she is . You can 't see the earrings I had , for " Showtime Synergy , " but they 're there . Truly outrageous . Posted by It feels like we went from it being officially Fall to BAM ! - Winter in a matter of minutes . Of course this is Calgary so you never know what you 're in for . For the past week it 's been snowing and averaging - 9C while next week it 's suppose to be high of 12C on Halloween . I 'm happy about that for all the kids and parents who walk around the neighborhoods in tow : ) Now we 're gearing up for attempt # 2 in about a week . I won 't be making it out to Victoria this time around . That stuff they call jet fuel isn 't cheap ; ) I was saying to Kim that we 'll coordinate watching movies on our respective couches . Hopefully I can convince my husband that this is a good idea and he 'll be up for entertaining Asher solo . It 's been 3 days since my last fix of Estrogen . Went cold turkey . Has been a tough few days . Withdrawal was starting up and I was starting to get the jitters . I 'm sure there was some extra hair starting to grow just above my lip , maybe even on my chin too . I almost became a rational thinking person , but thankfully one of the contestants on " Survivor " got sick and left the show , so I cried with her as she left . Phewf . . . there was still hope - I wasn 't all gone yet and maybe there was still some residual effects left from my last fix . It 's only been 3 days , and I 've fallen off the wagon again . I 'm back to my pill popping once more . Feeling better already . I have a feeling I might be on these for awhile . Thankfully , I have a great support system , filled with some pretty wonderful people who help support my habit . I 've been meaning to write sooner , but the past couple days have been so busy for me , and it 's been hard to find the time to be able to write more than just a " yes / no " . Yesterday we had several things on the go , which made for a hectic day , and I had to work an overnight shift , so the free time that I did have was spent trying to get some sleep before going to work . As you can tell by the title of this post , we didn 't get the result we were hoping for . We are " officially " not pregnant . This wasn 't a big surprise for us , as I had done a few tests and each time it was negative . I hoped like crazy , but I never really " felt " pregnant . So many people say that when they 're pregnant , they just " know " , and I never had that feeling ; though not for lack of wanting . By Sunday , I called Janelle and told her that I was pretty certain that it hadn 't stuck , and told her about the tests I had done and the results . In a way , it was nice because it gave both of a chance to process the information so it wasn 't such a shock to get negative test results yesterday ; and if we were wrong it would be a really amazing surprise . Even though I was expecting the negative results , there was still a part of me that was hopeful , thinking that home pregnancy tests are not always accurate and that there must be a reason why we had to wait till that specific day for the test . That maybe Sunday ( 3 days earlier than our scheduled bloodwork and when I was pretty sure of the results ) was still too early for detection . Sort of wishful thinking on my part , but it 's easy to hold on to what you want to believe . The feelings since finding out have been varied . Of course we are all disappointed , and initially I felt a little bummed out . Since having some time to let it all sink in , I 'm now feeling optimistic and ready to jump in again for round two . I still have moments where I feel a little sad , but I try to keep those to a minimum and look forward instead . There 's so much in this journey that you just can 't prepare for , so it has definitely been a great lesson in patience and perseverance . I 've read other blogs where it didn 't happen on the first try and found a lot of comfort and reassurance from those , especially seeing the amazing positive outcomes that have resulted . It reminds me that it 's not always us who get to call the shots . Janelle and I had a good talk yesterday , and we 're both looking forward to moving ahead . We 're down , but definitely not out ! We still have 3 embryos frozen , and maybe it was just one of those little ones that was meant to be . I spoke with the co - ordinator of the clinic yesterday , and our new plan is : After all the news and events yesterday I felt a little preoccupied , thinking of everything we 've done and the road still ahead . Unfortunately sleep did not come easy as I tried to get ready for my night . Sometimes it 's hard to quiet your mind and I only managed about a 20 minute nap before work , ( mid - day ) and then just lied there the rest of the time awake . My shift is from 7 pm till 7 am and by 9 pm I felt ready for bed . I took advantage of not being pregnant , and guzzled copious amounts of coffee and then finished off my shift off with a flu shot . And now it 's time for round 2 . . . Most of the time I feel pretty good , both emotionally and physically , but I do have my moments where my thoughts run amuck and I feel like I 'm all over the place . One moment , I 'm cool as a cuke , and the next I feel disappointed thinking that it may not have worked . I think I overanalyze each little thing as I try to compare how I 'm feeling to what I remember from my previous pregnancies . Were my breasts more tender , did I have cramping , was there more fatigue . . . I 'm my own worst enemy , and even though I know it 's completely different circumstances , I find it hard not to do it . I try to remind myself that it 's still really so early , and not to jump the gun and get too ahead of myself . My mind jumps all over the place , from one minute thinking that the embryo was perfect ( will stick ) and then the next feeling insecure and wondering about my uterine lining only measuring 6mm ( may not stick ) . Ever since we did the transfer , I 've tried to think of it as a 50 / 50 chance of it taking . I think it 's because if I think of the stats as being any higher than that , I might get too excited or confident that it will take . ( i . e . 60 / 40 . . . . majority rules , right ? ! ? ) I 'm afraid to let myself think like that , and that the disappointment if it doesn 't stick would then be that much harder . I remember when we were still in the early stages of this whole process , reading other blogs and seeing so many things on the internet where surrogates would write about how much they wanted it to work and how disappointed they felt after a failed transfer or when things didn 't quite go as planned . At the time , I didn 't understand it and found it surprising that they would take it so hard . I remember thinking , it 's not like it 's their baby , why are they so worked up ? ( I 'm sure anyone who 's been through the surrogacy process is scoffing right now reading that . ) But now I get it . Now I 'm in that boat , and I 'm just like them . It 's a new understanding and it 's funny because you don 't really know what it 's like until you 're here . There are times that I feeAnd now the big question everyone has been asking me . . . . For some reason waiting at this stage in the game has so far seemed easier than when we were working on getting my ovaries producing and Kim 's uterus plumping . Maybe it 's because I 'm still in awe of the transfer , seeing the close - up of the embryo and being amazed by the simplicity and complexity of the whole process at once . It may also have something to do with the lucky charms Kim gave me ( she has a matching set ) : We will see what the days bring with one week and a few hours to go . Maybe I 'll be singing a new tune by this weekend . Speaking of tunes , I listen to " I Will Wait " at least once a day . That and thinking sticky thoughts keeps me smiling and more excited than anxious . I know October 17th will be at our doorstep soon : ) We got to the clinic for 10 : 00 the next morning and got ready to go . The clinic was really busy , so we had to wait close to an hour before they were ready for us . I was glad that we were both there , as the time went by quickly , and it stopped me from getting overly anxious . The worse part was my excessively full bladder , and it was getting increasingly difficult to maintain , with them running late . After a couple of ultrasounds to check the fullness of my bladder , I was able to ' let a little out ' a few times , which is harder than it sounds . Over the course of that hour , I was able to let out five cups before we started the procedure and still have the full bladder required for the ultrasound . Apparently my bladder is an over achiever . The procedure itself was quite easy , with only minor discomfort and was comparable to a pap smear , just a little longer in duration . The whole thing was pretty amazing . We got to see the embryo on the screen , which the embryologist described as " beautiful . " We got to watch it all happen on the ultrasound screen , from the catheter being inserted , to the embryo being released . First pic ! Janelle and first pic of their embryo in utero ! Hopeful future mama ! Acupuncture afterwards , with a heat lamp over my feet . Wish I had one of these at home ! : ) We came back home and had a pretty lazy day , which was heaven . Even got a much overdue nap in ! I 'm on doctor 's orders not to do anything today or tomorrow , and then back to regular life on Sunday . Our official pregnancy test is on October 17th , so now comes the waiting . Not too sure yet if I might accidentally pee on a " stick " before that time . We 'll see . Thanks everyone for the well wishes and prayers ! We 're hopeful , and want to stay cautiously optimistic while taking nothing for granted . Everything that can be crossed is . Fingers , toes , and sometimes even eyes . : ) This past weekend , I worked at the Vancouver Island Baby Fair , which was really amazing . I 've been there many times as a patron , but this was the first time that I got to go as an " exhibitor " . My cousin Jen has a company that makes organic baby linens and toys , and thanks to a last minute sick call from one of her staff , I got to help her run her booth at the fair . Check out her site , they have some really beautiful things ! Talk about full submersion into the world of babies ! I think just about every woman there was either pregnant or with a baby . My cousin and I joked that our uterus ' were thumping ! How could it not when you 're jacked up on estrogen ! ? They had so many cool exhibits to look at , with literally everything you could possibly need for this stage of life . It was really fun to be a part of , and I even found some interesting exhibits for what we 're going through . This weekend , it was also the 2nd birthday of Janelle and Joel 's son . Hard to believe how the time has passed . It 's been 2 years since the miracle of his birth , and the loss with her hysterectomy . It makes me feel so grateful of where we are today . Lily also had her first day of soccer , which she loved , so we were pretty happy about that . Her U5 team is called the " L ' il Kickers " and they 're pretty cute out there on the field . And then the big news : I had another appointment at the fertility clinic on Saturday for another lining check . According to the doctor , my uterus looked " a hell of a lot better ! " The ultrasound picture was even better than last time , and he even printed off a copy that I could put on my fridge . My uterine lining was now at 6mm , which was not yet where we 'd like it to be , but making good progress . They usually like to see it at 8 mm before transferring . It was enough to keep us in the running to potentially transfer this cycle , and we 're now able to see the ' triple stripe ' that we need to have before transferring any embryos . It was pretty exciting , and I left feeling hopeful that we might be able to move forward this time . My hormone levels were good , so my estrogen was increased again to see if it would help my lining to get even thicker . We left it with the plan that I would continue on the increased dose , and that if didn 't get my lining to where we wanted it to be , and thought it could be even better still , we would wait and try again next cycle . In that regard , it 's nice not to have the pressure of time restraints . Now I just had to wait until Tuesday for my next lining check . Here 's the ultrasound picture from the weekend . Even though it 's " looking good , " really . . . it 's still not all that exciting to look at . It 's not like there 's a baby in there or anything . . . . YET ! : ) My uterine lining is still measuring at 6 mm , but the appearance of it was so good that they want to move forward anyway . They told me that the number itself is not everything , and appearance is a big factor as well . Being that I 've never had any problems with fertility , and was lucky enough to get pregnant quite easily with both my girls , they said that this measurement might just be my norm , and not to get too hung up on the number . It would be a different story if I had struggled with infertility myself , then they might attribute it to a thin lining , but that it 's obviously not the case for us . They said that for all they know , this may very well have been where I was at when our own girls were conceived . The technician told me afterwards , that they 've had a lot of 6 mm babies , and we wouldn 't be moving forward if they didn 't think it was worth it . That the doctor would not risk their embryos if they didn 't have a good shot at sticking . So , now I 'm pretty excited and nervous too at the same time . Janelle and I have been on the phone , trying to organize things and make plans for the weekend , and I need to sort out some scheduling with work . I 'm booked to work all weekend so that 's one thing I need to change . My head is still spinning as I process it all . I can 't believe it 's so close ! This is my new medication protocol until Friday now . Hard to keep track of them all . - Estrace ( estrogen ) 4mg orally twice a day It 's amazing at how far we 've come , despite how far we still have to go , and it really seems so surreal . I think tonight will be a " wine night , " as those days are now numbered . And I couldn 't be happier about it . Posted by I find that music can say a lot ; as we all know it can touch upon our emotions , experiences and desires . So the other day , after Kim 's appointment , when I heard this song on CBC Radio 2 I ended up with a smile on my face and chuckled a bit because for me it speaks to what we 're experiencing . The chorus says it all : " I will wait for you ! " I agree with Kim that it is comforting to know that the mirena IUD can have an extended impact on a woman 's uterus after it has been removed . To me this solidifies the fact that we 've got time on our side . Kim hit it on the nose when she wrote : what 's meant to be will happen when it 's meant to . When I updated my Mom on what 's going on I finished my note to her with " Kim is in " early days " and will be back in to check progress in the next few days . Still waiting : ) " and she wrote back " We will wait with her " . Again , this made me smile . They say it takes a village to raise a child , but in this case it 's taking a village to make a baby , haha ! I love this village and all the people in it ! I got to the fertility clinic yesterday morning , nice and early around 7 : 30 a . m , which was cutting it a little close for me to get to work on time for 8 : 00 . I was a bundle of nerves waiting for my turn , in anticipation of what the news would be . Janelle and I texted till it was time for me to go in , which was so nice , because even though I was sitting there on my own amongst all these other couples , I felt that I had my support there too . First was the ultrasound , where for the first time , I 'm pretty sure I was able to make out where my uterus was , among all the other black and grey smudges on the screen . I thought , this must be an improvement since last time . Before I said anything , the doctor quickly remarked that the " appearance " of my uterus is much better . Uterus overheard , and bashfully replied : " thanks . . . I 've been working out . " He said that my ovaries are " quiet " , which is just what they want to see , but my lining was still only at 4 mm . It was day 12 of my cycle , so ideally the lining should be thickening up in preparation to support an embryo . I felt like it was deja - vu ; as this is how it started in August when we cancelled the cycle . We 're not totally out yet though , as the doctor said that we are still in the " early " days , so there 's still some time to play around with the hormone dosage to see if we can get up to where we need to be . My bloodwork came back fine , and so as of last night they have doubled my estrogen , and I 'm now taking 4 mg of Estrace twice a day . I go back on Saturday morning to see if this will make any difference in the lining . Initially , when I first left the clinic I was feeling a little bummed and disappointed , and wondered what the heck was going on with my body . The doctor mentioned that he thought that my uterus might just need a little bit more time to heal from having had the IUD . I didn 't really understand what exactly that meant , but thanks to a quiet day at work and some Google time , I found out a ton of information that made me feel quite a bit better . I had an Mirena IUD , which is different than the traditional ones in that it releases hormones into your body to help prevent pregnancy . What I didn 't realize is that one of the hormones released is specifically designed to keep the uterine lining thin , so that if fertilization were to happen , the embryo would not be able to implant ; hence birth control . I found so many different sites / blogs / forums where all these women wrote about their experiences and difficulties with conception and IVF post Mirena removal , and it looks like it 's quite common for it to take 3 - 6 months for everything to get back on track . Not to say that this is what happens with everyone . Everyone is different . I went to the actual Mirena website , and they claim is that normal cycles and fertility will return within 12 months of removal . Ahhhh . . . . . . . . relief . Finally there may be a reason for what 's been going on . It 's amazing how instantly I felt better seeing this information . I found it so reassuring , and was suddenly more forgiving of the uterus that I had previously been cursing . It gave me a new sense of calm , in that I realized if it 's not a go this time , that 's ok . We 'll get there when we 're ready , and if it takes a little longer than we 'd initially hoped , it will be alright . So now we 'll just see what happens Saturday . At the moment I 'm trying not to worry too much about it . We 're doing all we can , and we 'll just see if now is our right time . What 's meant to be will happen when it 's meant to . I 'm actually pretty nervous about the appointment . We 've been here before and it didn 't go as we 'd hoped , when we found out that my body was not responding to the medications , and the lining of my uterus was not thick enough for a transfer . I went into that initial appointment , feeling pretty excited , and it was such a blow to find out that we would need to postpone the transfer and that their embryos would need to be frozen . Going in this time , I have a bit more knowledge as to what to expect and what the results of the tests tomorrow will mean . This will determine if we 're about to move forward . When I 've told people about the upcoming appointment and that I 'm feeling nervous about it , they 've been quick to sympathize , misunderstanding though , and thinking that I 'm nervous about moving forward with the surrogacy . In fact , it 's the opposite that 's true , in that I think the nervousness comes from the thought of not moving forward . Funny enough , right now I don 't have any worries or fears about another pregnancy , or the fact that I 'm planning on carrying someone else 's baby . That part seems a piece of cake . It 's the not knowing and waiting that feels like the hardest part ! It 's Monday morning and by tomorrow noon we should know what day our first transfer attempt will be ! I 'm nervous and so is Kim . It just seems that when you walk into the clinic you just don 't know what kind of news you 'll get and we 've had so many ups and downs . This said , I have a lot of faith in the fact that this time around they 've let Kim 's body do some of the work , so instead of completely shutting down her ovaries , her protocol is to have some estrogen that is meant to enhance her body 's natural functions . This morning I had my first appointment at the fertility clinic since August , just before we had the egg retrieval . I had an ultrasound and bloodwork to check my hormone levels . Since I 'm no longer on any medications , we 're now working with my body 's natural hormones as there 's no longer the time limitations to have my uterus ready in time for a fresh embryo transfer . Janelle and Joel 's little totsicles are nice and frozen , and just waiting for my uterus to extend the invitation that it 's time for the party to start . Currently , my uterine lining is at 4 mm , and I have 8 follicles growing , 4 in each ovary , with the largest measuring at 6 mm . We 're at a great starting point ! What happens now , is that my body will naturally make the hormones needed for these follicles to continue to develop , which will in turn thicken my uterine lining to prepare for implantation . I 'll be starting to take some supplementary hormones , to help my body along , and the hope is that if all goes well and my uterus does what it needs to , we could be transferring an embryo at my next ovulation ! I go back in 10 days , at which time they 'll check on the development and start close monitoring to see when the day might be , providing that my lining check is good . I think the potential transfer would be closer to 3 weeks , as opposed to the typical 2 , as my cycles have always been long , but who knows . I guess we 'll just wait and see . So now we 'll just give it some time , and wait for my uterine lining get nice and plump . Intervention . . . or not ? Lily is now 4 . Maybe to other 4 year - olds she looks great . Myself , I 'm considering nominating her for " What not to wear " or some other makeover show . I think she may appreciate it when she 's older . She will be going to a new school next week , and I 'm wondering if I should intervene with her choice of attire on school days . This is her most recent " ensemble " , how she graced the other patrons at Costco on the weekend . This picture doesn 't really show off the purple sequinned belt , or do justice to the pants that are also covered in sequins , and pulled up to the knee to be " short pants " for summer . Now that 's thinking practically . ( As opposed to practically thinking - though almost interchangeable is this particular circumstance ) In surrogacy news : it 's been just over a week since I 've written and I 'm still waiting for my period . Until that happens , I don 't really think there will be too much to report as far as progress . After the past couple of months being so busy with appointments , schedules , medications and visits , not having anything on the go makes it almost easy to forget what we 're in the middle of . At times it seems like it was so long ago that Janelle and Joel were here , and not knowing when we might be able to attempt a transfer makes that seem far off too . Almost like in the middle of nothing . When I 've had quiet time , I 've been doing some surfing on the internet , and it 's really been an eye opener for me . I 've learned so much about the struggles people have with infertility , and the different options ( obviously including surrogacy ) that people will explore to complete their families . It 's made me realize how much I have taken for granted , and how blessed I am with my own children and the ease at which we were able to have them . When I say ease , this is not to be confused with labour and delivery . Just to be clear . : ) Surrogacy is legal in Canada , however , compensated or commercial ( for fee / profit ) surrogacy is now prohibited . Under the Assisted Human Reproduction Act passed in 2004 , a surrogate mother may only be reimbursed for out of pocket expenses . Although compensated or commercial surrogacy is common throughout the US , a surrogate mother in Canada cannot receive any sort of wage or fee for carrying a child . It is estimated that there have been 50 - 100 + surrogacy arrangments in Canada , but the exact number is unknown . I didn 't even know that there was a surrogate birth registry . The first paragraph would explain why the numbers in Canada are so much lower , but I would never have thought that they would be this low . I find it really hard to believe that there have only been 7 cases in BC in the past 12 years ? Our province isn 't that small . It makes me wonder how up to date this is , just because I find these stats so hard to believe . I keep thinking that this can 't be accurate . Can it ? I searched online some more , and could find nothing to either prove or disprove this . So much of the information out there is from the US , so I found it interesting to see how much we differ from the States . I had no idea that there are several countries where surrogacy is illegal , hence people will use an international surrogate , often in the US . I read that Canada is often thought of initially to potentially find surrogates , mainly due to our health care where there is no cost for prenatal care , hospitalization for birth and / or postpartum care . Though actually finding a surrogate here , can be a different matter all together . I don 't think it 's quite the same as in the States . All this can make your head swim . I think I 'll go back to worrying about what Lily plans on wearing the first day of school instead : ) Welcome to our blog ! We 're happy to share our experiences as we navigate through all the intricacies of surrogacy , both physically and emotionally , as well as everything else that comes along with it ! Our husbands are first cousins , and after a difficult birth with several complications , Janelle needed a life - saving hysterectomy . I 'm a mother of 2 , and this is the story of how together , we brought a sibling for their son through surrogacy in Canada . ~ Kim ~ by Kim Who wants to write a 39 / 40 week update ? ! ? Not me . I 'm supposed to be writing a baby update with a ton of cute pictures of . . . ~ by Kim 30 weeks If we go to the end , only 10 weeks to go ! ! ! Lily was born at 38 weeks . Rowan was born at 39 weeks . I ' . . . - by Janelle Oops ! I intended to edit this and then publish it right away but now 2 whole months have gotten away on me . Ah what the heck . . . .
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As the population of the United States ages , the incidence of Parkinson 's is expected to increase . This will affect the number of people needed to care for people living with PD . The needs of PD care partners are poorly understood and often overlooked . So , in 2006 , the Parkinson 's Disease Foundation ( PDF ) undertook a survey of care partners to people with Parkinson 's to better understand and address the needs of this growing population . PDF developed a 53 - question survey which was available through several online locations , including the PDF website , www . pdf . org , during the spring of 2006 . 1 , 0001 care partners - 81 percent female and 19 percent male - responded and the results shed lights on the needs of care partners to people with Parkinson 's . 15 percent of care partners are operating in a very low stress environment . 55 percent of care partners operating in a fairly high to very stressful environment . The level of stress for care partners was a function of a number of indicators including : This study provides new evidence of the challenges that Parkinson 's care partners face as they struggle to meet the needs of their loved ones and to balance the competing demands of giving care , working and meeting other family responsibilities . The data suggest the need for a more comprehensive approach to programs designed to support and sustain care partners of people with Parkinson 's . One possible limitation of this study is that the data only reflects the responses of care partners with Internet access and these results might not be representative of the larger PD care partner community . Q : Please detail you medication schedule . If you can , list all the medications and the doses from your diagnosis through to your current medication schedule , along with any negative side effects you may have experienced . PWP : After my initial diagnosis I was only on mirapex , a dopamine agonist , don 't remember the dosage . After the first year Levodopa was added . I took one 25 / 100 four times a day along with the mirapex . About my third year the Levodopa was increased to two pills three times a day and one pill at bedtime . Also , we switched my mirapex to requip in my third year because I had some side effects from mirapex . In my fourth year and now , I take two Levodopa four times a day , and during the day I take one requip with my dopamine , but at night I take two requip to help me sleep . My body is now very clearly in " On / Off " modes and I can tell it needs more dopamine . Q : Were you alone or with you wife when you received your diagnosis ? Q : If you expected it , why was it like a slap across the face ? PWP : Good question . Even thought it was expected , when the neurologist tells you that you have an incurable disease , there is a " facing your immortality " moment . Even though PD is slow moving PWP : 65 % of men with PD have erectile dysfunction . We all know there are pills to help this and they do work . However , they can have side effects and your partner may not understand all the challenges you face both physical and mental . I can only speak for myself but here is a list of issues I feel need to see the light of day : Most of the worst side effects never manifest . But we all know PD leaves the patient with less energy and something this simple can have a big impact on a PWP . ED meds often leave one feeling like they have the flu the following day . A small price to pay for an otherwise healthy person . However , when coupled with PD , the next day can almost be completely lost due to fatigue . This forces one to both plan more for intimacy ( weekends when you may not have a lot of activity planned ) and at times you may have to choose between maintaining that physical connection with your partner and your own comfort or health . Partners will need to be empathetic and understanding . PD can cause depression , confidence issues , etc . When you add ED , you often add to the confidence issues and the PD patient may feel even more inadequate or isolated . For a young onset PWP who is still sexually active this area can be like a minefield and without a very understanding partner could have devastating results . Q : Does having Parkinson 's make you feel less adequate in the bedroom ? If so , why ? PWP : Yes . Even without ED issues there are still other issues like energy level , apathy , depression , embarrassment over tremors or loss of shall we say being able to move around with ease . Q : Are you on any medication for sexual dysfunction caused by Parkinson 's disease ? PWP : Yes , Levitra . Q : Levitra can often have uncomfortable side effects . What side effects , if any , have you experienced ? PWP : Mostly fatigue and muscle aches the following day to the point of not being able to function well until about noon . Q : Do you feel that it is worth taking these medications when they cause such horrible side effects ? PWP : Yes because I think it is important to maintain a physical connection with your partner as long as possible . All to soon , the partner will have to face losing the person they married in so many ways . A PWP changes , almost morphs into something completely different over a period of time and I hear spouse / caregivers say they miss their partner even though we are still here , living , we are greatly changed by the disease . Q : Do you ever fear a time when you can no longer be intimate , due to Parkinson 's ? PWP : I don 't fear it . I know it 's coming . But it will be sad . We will find other ways to maintain intimacy . Q : What advice do you have for others who may be experiencing sexual intimacy problems as a result of Parkinson 's ? PWP : Be open and honest with your partner and understand that intimacy can take many forms . Resist feeling inadequate and learn new ways to express your love and support . In short , NEVER give in . Adapt and overcome . Some months ago , while updating the blog , I changed the background to a pink silhouette of hummingbirds . At the time , I didn 't really know why I chose that as the new backdrop to the blog , other than the fond memories I had of watching the tiny birds hover above my grandfather 's azaleas as a child . More recently , I have developed a strong bond , or connection , to the hummingbird . It 's symbolism and mythology are especially meaningful to someone well into their journey with PD . Hummingbirds are only found in the Western Hemisphere , so they are not a part of traditional fairy tales , myths and legends of European and African descent . However , Native American mythology is rich with stories of the hummingbird . Due to their ability to go into torpor , a hibernation - like state , and quickly waken again , Native American legends often tell of this tiny bird renewing life , or bearing with them light like the sun . One belief is that hummingbirds act as messengers between words , helping shamans keep the balance between spirit and nature . There is a Pima legend that tells of the hummingbird who , like Noah 's dove , brings back a flower as proof that the great flood is subsiding ; life renews itself in a brighter day , in a better world . Symbolically , the hummingbird represents regeneration and resurrection . She is the creature that opens the heart and allows it to heal . The hummingbird is the only creature that can stop instantly while travelling at full speed . She can hover , fly up , down , left and right . She can also fly backwards , as if glimpsing into the past . The way a hummingbird eats is also amazing - with her long , thin beak and tongue , she passes through the tough and often bitter outer layers of flowers to reach the sweet , juicy nectar within . Hummingbirds teach us that no matter how busy we are , no matter how fast we are going , we must always make time to stop and search for the sweetness of life . We must look past the bitterness and the tough times , and instead focus on the light - hearted joy that comes our way . Like the bird that hovers over the beautiful flowers in the garden , don 't we all want to hover over the beautiful moments in our lives ? Don 't we all wish we could fly backwards into our past , savoring each delicate , magical moment of it ? Hummingbirds flap their wings in a slight figure 8 motion , the symbol of infinity . Infinite life , infinite love , infinite beauty , infinite joy , infinite patience , infinite wisdom . The further into the world of PD that Keith and I go , the more the hummingbird speaks to me . This tiny bird teaches me so many invaluable lessons . Like the bird that seem to die each night and resurrect and renew her life each glorious morning , I too , renew myself each day , in faith , in prayer , in love , in commitment to my husband . Like the bird that stops mid flight to hover over the beautiful flower , drinking in that which sustains it , I too , have learned to stop in my busiest moments and hover near the beauty of my own life , drinking in the sweet sights and sounds of my family . Like the bird that moves her wings in a motion of infinity , I have found infinite joy and love , and that I must pray each day for the infinite wisdom and patience I know I will fall short of . If PD is a flower , then I am the hummingbird , constantly hovering over it , reaching deep , past all that is bitter and rough , to the sweet nectar that nourishes life , that which sustains me . With infinite love I move my wings ; I move myself up , down , left , right , in any way that is required of me to reach that nectar . And sometimes I even fly backwards , looking to the flowers of yesterday , savoring only how pleasant each flower was . How wonderful to be a tiny little hummingbird amid the dark , scary thorns of PD . Summer Story by Mary Oliver Me : Keith , there 's a lot in a question like that . Are you asking what I need to do to get the kids ready for Easter dinner ? Are you asking me what I need to do to get the house ready for Easter dinner ? Are you asking me about the food itself ? What specifically are you trying to ask me ? Because I could go on for two hours about what all I have to do to get ready for Easter dinner . Me : Well , okay . No I don 't need any help . But do you see what I mean ? Asking if I need any help before you leave is a lot different than asking what I have to do to get ready for Easter dinner . Keith : Sigh Lately , this seems to be the way our conversations go most of the time . Keith and I have gone from a couple with excellent communication skills to a couple struggling just to understand one another . I 'm not sure if it 's the disease itself or the medication , or maybe a combination of the two . Difficulty in communicating effectively is a problem faced by many PWP , and sadly , it is one of many reasons why PWP are often viewed as being stupid , or as one rude person said , " bumbling idiots . " This article from e - ParkinsonsPost , is an excellent source for why communication proves so difficult . In Keith , I see a little bit of everything , with Language Structure topping the list . Often , he only speaks half a sentence but expects me to know what he is saying . He readily admits that many times he barely expresses a thought , with the expectation that we will automatically know what he means . Another problem topping the list is Emotional Processing . This is a biggie and almost tied for the number one spot , mainly because it 's such a huge issue for me . A few years ago , when Rielly - Anne was just beginning to talk good and understand a lot of what was going on around her , and when Keith 's facial masking became a little worse , we had a talk addressing how to deal with that around the kids . We decided that the best thing to do was for Keith to over - exaggerate his voice and facial expressions so that there would never be any doubt in the children 's minds how their daddy felt . Somehow that didn 't translate to mom needs it too . Maybe it 's because I know the disease and what it does to him ; I know all about facial masking , hypophonia and dysarthria , and as an adult I am able to understand that if Keith doesn 't smile at me , it 's not because he doesn 't love me , only that right now , he physically can 't . Well , that 's what you 'd think , anyway . Nearly everyday when Keith comes home from work I ask him the same thing - How are you ? And every time I ask he says one of three things - beat , tired or wore out . Lately , my reply to that has been , I know that . Other than that , how are you feeling ? Simply put , mama needs to see the love too . Keith rarely over - exaggerates his voice or facial expressions for me . His blank , frozen , facial - masked face is pretty much identical to his pissed off face . The last thing you want your husband doing as soon as he walks in the door is giving you a pissed off look . Technically , I know why he 's doing it . Emotionally , I just want to see his face light up sometimes . Keith has difficulty emotionally expressing himself , and I have difficulty reading his emotions . When you add all that to the problem of having difficulty with something as simple as putting together a sentence , it makes for some pretty tough situations . Then there are those times when Keith does add emotion or facial expressions to what he says , but that can cause a whole separate issue of misunderstanding . Sure , he can force a smile or feeling into his eyes when he speaks , and he can put emphasis on his words and take the time to put those words together , but that still doesn 't guarantee that all those components will come together , forming a perfectly understandable and correct train of thought . For example , just yesterday I got out of bed earlier than usual to sneak off to the Y for a quick workout . Keith was already up when I came downstairs - Keith : Wow ! You got away from the baby and out of bed without waking her up ! Me : Yes . I 've done that lots of time . ( I was thinking he had forgotten due to memory issues , yet another blog post ! ) So you see , even if the words and facial expressions are there , it doesn 't necessarily mean that they will be interpreted correctly . He spoke the right words , but his inflections , emphasis on certain words , and facial expressions led me to believe that he thought this was a first - time thing . Unfortunately , almost every thing Keith says anymore I must take a moment or two to really try and understand exactly what it is he is saying , or trying to say . I have to admit , sometimes when I am busy or preoccupied with the children I don 't take that time like I should , and that usually results in a huge miscommunication , and often some one 's hurt feelings . Yes , we are lost in translation , but all is not lost . Thankfully , we have done a lot of research , we have a great specialist , and some great family and friends who understand . So next time if you happen to be at the bank , or at work , or at the grocery store , and someone is speaking to you in an unintelligible manner , don 't automatically assume he 's an idiot - he just might be my husband , lost somewhere in translation . Meg : My name is Meg Duggan . I am 50 years old and I live in Kansas City , Missouri . Until this fall , I was the Executive Director of the Parkinson Foundation of the Heartland . I am now a Managing Partner of Data Driven Health Care Solutions . Meg : My sister Cindy was diagnosed with Parkinson 's disease about 16 years ago , when she was in her late 30s . My father had a much older sister who had Parkinson 's , but our family , like so many , viewed PD as an illness defined by old age and not as an immediate threat . My father also has a neurological disorder , which until my sister 's diagnosis was the elephant in the room . ( Interestingly , years earlier when Cindy and I were both in our 20 's , she called me one day and said " don 't you worry you have what dad has when you miss a step or do something oddly clumsy ? " In hindsight , I believe she was experiencing PD symptoms 10 years before she realized that something was truly amiss . ) At that point , she began searching for PD on the internet , and learned that Kansas City was the home to an excellent movement disorder specialist . She still remembers the mixed feelings she had when she was greeted with " Welcome , you have Parkinson 's Disease . " A bit of relief that her condition had a name and sheer terror at what was ahead . Cindy 's diagnosis led to much family searching . She had 2 very young children , and was quite concerned about heredity and heritability - particularly when viewed through the lens of my father and his sister . My father 's issues were traced to a parasite picked up in Japan . My aunt 's PD was a more typical late - age diagnosis , so we were able to put some of the fears of heredity on the back burner . Our entire family geared up to join the fight for the cure . Cindy called the local Parkinson Association , and we all became members . At the time , the association was entirely a volunteer organization , mostly made up of PwP and their care partners . After being referred to a late - stage support group , a truly horrible experience for a young , newly diagnosed patient , Cindy started a young onset group and eventually joined the board of the Parkinson Association of Greater Kansas City . After several years , with her help , the group had raised enough money to hire their first employee . I interviewed " blind " and was hired . Four years ago , I adopted a 12 year old child who had had an utterly horrific life . ( Truly the stuff of scary movies . ) He started high school this year , and I was very concerned about not being home after school . Life in the non - profit world is great , but it requires many many nights and weekends - and a huge amount of mental energy . I decided to take her PD Log and see if I couldn 't form a business , and Data Driven Health Care Solutions was born . Meg : I spent 14 years as the Executive Director , building the organization from an all - volunteer group with a budget of $ 80 , 000 to a group with 6 full time employees and a budget of over $ 800 , 000 . We eventually renamed ourselves the Parkinson Foundation of the Heartland and expanded our territory from Kansas City to the surrounding 3 states . These were truly wonderful years for me . I loved the non - profit world . We added amazing programs and events and expanded our membership and our reach . It was , however , difficult . First , I knew too much about this insidious disease not to be deeply concerned for my sister and her cohorts all of the time . PD truly came to define my life as well as my loved ones lives . I had a dinner party one night and a guest brought buttons that said " No PD . " Everyone pledged $ 100 if I could make it through dinner without mentioning the " p - word . " I did it - but only for the $ 1000 raised for the cause ! ! More difficult however , was the knowledge that I was having a wonderful , engrossing and deeply meaningful professional life - at the cost of my sister 's health . I had a difficult time shedding those feelings until a young woman told me how very much she wished that her family would engage in her fight . She thought my sister was lucky to have an involved family . I took that feeling to heart and went back to work . I was also able ( as I still am ) to serve as an information clearing house for my sister , her children and my parents . I closely monitor medical breakthroughs , new medicines and diagnostic tools , clinical trials and the like . My sister has been known to call me to ask " What 's that pink pill I take called ? " I think that my deep dive into PD allowed her to hold it at arm 's length . For a while at least . Last fall , she began having a lot of trouble with the on / off cycle . I called on my contacts and together , we wrote the PD log . She found it very helpful , her medical team thought it was great , and she got some helpful interventions from its use . Meg : My sister , at 54 , remains healthy and vital . Several years ago she took 200 high school students to Ireland - a feat I wouldn 't try at my healthiest ! She works about ¾ time running a non - profit that helps other non - profits connect with local business leaders for support and education . She is also a minister 's wife - which is a full time job in itself . She volunteers for many organizations , and is closely involved in the lives of her children - one of whom is out of college and working in Chicago , the other finishing up school at Drake University . Meg : In the coming years , I hope to monetize the site , probably through the sale of advertising . One thing I won 't do is charge Parkinson patients to use the site - EVER ! I know far too well the constant financial drain imposed by this disease . I am currently working on a log for people who have had DBS to help them get the most concise programming possible . Next up is a log for people suffering from RLS . I hope to cover the gamut of neurological diseases in the future . This is an exciting time for me . I hope that the things I am doing will help empower people to take charge of their health conditions and receive improved care and support . For years the question from Keith has always been How will I provide for my family if something happens to me ? We have gone to great lengths to ensure that our family will be taken care of should the worst happen . We have prioritized , and the life we now live reflects what matters most to us . We purchase used vehicles , don 't use credit cards , paid off our debts , and bought a lot of life insurance . For Keith . You see , to Keith the worst that could happen would be if he left me in a home I couldn 't afford without any money to pay the bills , buy groceries , raise the kids . For me , the worst that could happen is if I left him with all the kids , plus PD . Keith is wonderful with the kids , but let 's face it - he just can 't do all the stuff that I do . There is a huge gap in the energy levels alone . Raising three kids , homeschooling , keeping up the house , running all the errands and doing all the chores , working a full time job , plus dealing with a degenerative neurological disorder might be a bit much for the man to handle alone . Therefore , a hefty amount of life insurance is in order should anything horrible happen to me . But how much ? What am I worth ? The film revolves around Jamie ( Jake Gyllenhaal ) , a pharmaceutical rep and his love interest , Maggie ( Anne Hathaway ) , an artist who suffers with Young Onset PD . It 's difficult to tell if this movie is about the pharmaceutical industry , Parkinson 's disease , or love , because the plot is all over the board and changes direction rapidly . It seems to want to fall into the typical romance - comedy genre , but the over - the - top explicit sex scenes and the somber reality of PD cause it to fall short of its mark . In fact , the best thing about this movie is the justice it does to Parkinson 's disease . Tears streaming down my face , it became increasingly difficult not to break down and openly weep . As part of the back story , Maggie briefly explains her journey to a correct diagnosis , an important little tidbit often forgotten . Most people don 't realize that it can takes years to get an accurate diagnosis of PD . She also discusses her lengthy list of PD meds . Hathaway does an impressive job of portraying the early stages of Young Onset PD , with all its frustration , pain , emotional ups and downs . We see the pinky tremor , we see her painfully trying to open one of her bottles of meds , we see her unable to do something as simple as open a package of Pop Tars , we see her cry in agonizing despair when she is unable to refill her prescription on time . Someone in the research department , along with Hathaway , deserves an accolade for the reality of the disease they were able to find and bring to the film . Especially poignant was the scene at the Parkinson 's convention where real - life PWP speak about the disease , showing a vast array of symptoms and stages of PD . It was during the Parkinson 's convention that a scene truly spoke to me . While at the convention Jamie meets a man whose wife is in the final stages of the disease . Jamie asks his advice and the man tells him to run . In fact , he goes on and on about how marrying his wife was the biggest mistake he ever made , how fast Jamie needs to run from Maggie , how soon he will be wiping up his wife 's shit . My jaw hit the floor as the tears started to pour . Never before have I seen such a realistic portrayal of what those of us on the other end , those of us who happen to be young and fall in love with a PWP , go through . The words Jamie heard from this bitter man are words I have often heard myself , almost verbatim . For the past five years , with the exception of three very lovely ladies and their mates , any time I have asked anyone for advice the response is always the same - run . When I ask for advice I am looking for something real , something tangible . Which is better - pullovers or velcro - up shirts ? Wheelchair or mobility scooter ? How do get them in and out of the shower safely ? Any little tips for the curling up toes ? Give me something I can use , something real . Just don 't tell me to run . I wonder if my questions , with all my enthusiastic optimism , is offensive to them ? Does it somehow make their own pain , their own sorrow , less valid ? Is that they way they see it ? After watching this scene , I pulled it together enough to turn to Keith and say " Wow ! I hear that all the time . " " Really ? Still ? " he replied . We held hands , tears streaming down both our faces . " Yeah , but I 'm not going to run , " I said . At that moment we were both deeply moved , him by the negativity I face from others , and me by his compassion . By the end of the film those roles reversed , as Maggie tells Jamie that she will need him more . She will need him more than he could ever need her . That is what Keith voices to me so often . This time , I was the one crying in compassion for him and all that he goes through with this disease . For a couple who rarely watch movies , this one really hit home . It spoke to us on a level we still can 't quite explain . Maybe it was seeing it on the tv that did it , or knowing that people actually took the time to research and learn all they could about PD and cared to portray it with dignity and respect . Maybe it was seeing ourselves , each other , reflected back upon us . At any rate , this film is a must see for anyone dealing with Parkinson 's disease . Thanks to all of you who are supporting the APDA and Life With Shaky by purchasing products from our shop ! As most of you know April is Parkinson 's Awareness Month , and all proceeds from Life With Shaky go the the APDA this month . This has been our most successful month in sales to date ! We so appreciate all our supporters ! But it 's not over yet . You still have one more week to buy our merchandise and support the APDA ! Speaking of the APDA , they have recently named our very own G . Frederick Wooten Jr . MD , as their Scientific and Medical Affairs Advisor . Keith sees Dr . Wooten several times a year , and we can 't say enough good things about him . Congrats Dr . Wooten ! We have taken a much - needed break from the blog for the past month as we focus on end - of - year schoolwork and another non - PD charity event , but we do have several more interviews to post , including videos by Keith and myself . We will get on those following Easter . Thanks again to all those supporting the APDA through Life With Shaky ! There are so many syndromes out there with Parkinson - like symptoms , or parkinsonism , that getting an accurate diagnosis can take years . Parkinsonism is any group of neurological disorders that have symptoms similar to PD - tremor , muscle rigidity , hypokinesia . Among those are Multiple System Atrophy ( MSA ) , sometimes referred to as Shy - Drager syndrome . The National Institutes of Health recently published literature based on a study that shows autonomic assessments do not differentiate between PD , MSA , and PSP ( progressive supranuclear palsy ) . Keith 's brother has MSA but was originally diagnosed with PD . He and his family went through hell to get an accurate diagnosis , but even now most people , including some doctors , want to lump his condition in with PD . Part of MSA is parkinsonism , and much of the treatments are the same , however , the two are different illnesses and should be referred to as such . At a later date I will post an interview with his wife , but for now , here are some interesting links regarding MSA - The National Institutes of Health 's literature regarding autonomic assessments : Q : What advice do you have to give Young Onset PWP about raising children while dealing with PD ? Have a great spouse . Haha ! But seriously , Mary SOOOO much . As for PWP , do everything you can with them , as often as possible . That ability is going to come to a slow , grinding , halt . I promise . One day you won 't be able to pick them up and throw them in the air . One day you won 't be able to spend the night outside in a tent , camping in the backyard . One day you won 't be able to keep up with them when they take off running across the yard . One day . . . Q : What advice would you give to other kids who are the same age as Joe ? Be patient . Sounds simple enough , but I know for a fact , it 's not . Patience is something that , often times , actually takes cognitive intent to exhibit . Do what you can to help , learn what you can about the disease , and cherish every moment you have . Life goes quickly enough as it is , when there 's a degenerative disease involved , that timeline is shortened . Q : If you were to write a letter to your little sisters about your father , PD , and all that it entails , what would you say ? That would probably be a rather long letter , one that I would actually like to write , and may one day in the near future , but would take a TON of thought and time to write , and I 'm not sure I want to attempt it now . Sorry . Q : What do you think a parent needs to communicate to their child regarding PD ? What is it that you think kids need and / or want to know ? Above all else , they need to realize that Daddy 's not gonna be able to do certain things with them like maybe he used to . For little ones , especially if he used to be able to , and now can 't , that 's a pretty big deal . They won 't understand it . They won 't get why Daddy 's tired , or can 't do this , or that . When you 're young , going and doing , those are the things that matter . Q : Coming from a grown child 's perspective , what is the most challenging or difficult aspect about having a parent with PD ? That 's tough , but personally , I think the hardest thing is KNOWING . It 's not like a freak accident , or a fatal disease that comes in quickly , runs it 's course , and is done . It 's here . It 's here to stay . For the duration . However long that may be . It 's here , and you know it . You know things will only get worse , but there 's absolutely nothing you can do to change it . Make it better . Slow it down . Stop it . It 's gonna happen , and knowing just makes it worse , to me at least . Q : Do you ever feel burdened or obligated to help your dad ? Burdened ? Obligated ? No . Maybe . I don 't know . I 'm not sure how to read this , but I 'm reading negativity into it . If that 's the case , no . I don 't . I know he needs my help with things . I try to swing by when he 's got something he needs a hand with . I know sometimes I don 't get by as quickly as I feel like I should , but there 's no one that can change that but me . . . Q : Do you ever have the feeling that you should do more ? If so , how do you handle those feelings ? Sometimes . Life is busy , unfortunately . And sometimes , " life " takes precedence . Not that I 'm saying that makes it ok , because it definitely doesn 't . I try to help when I 'm needed , but I 've never been one to just think about something that needs doing , without being asked . That 's one thing Mom used to , and still does , mention from time to time . If I 'm not asked to do it , it usually won 't get done . It 's not becausQ : Do you ever think in terms of ' worst possible scenario ? ' and if so , what would that be ? No . I don 't allow myself to go there . I take it all a day at a time , and enjoy each moment for what it is . Another precious moment . I 've only recently learned to do this with life , but it 's made all the difference . Q : Do you see yourself in a caregivers position at some point in the future ? I 'm sure I 'll end up helping out , I guess how much is to be determined , and will depend on a lot of variables . Q : If anything were to happen to me , Shaky would require help raising your younger siblings . How does that make you feel ? I love them almost like they 're my own . Would it be tough ? I 'm sure it would , but we 'd make it work . No question . Ben : I think that we have enough other challenges that PD doesn 't seem to be that big . I 'm learning to live without being controlled and structured like my last relationship and I 'm still enough of an engineer that I like to think through all the steps of a project while Michelle is more jump in with both feet . At this time PD is inconvenient and who knows what the future holds . Michelle : I don 't think we have any special challenges right now . Ben 's right - life 's full of a lot of other things right now , with kids and college and work , etc . We can 't know what the future holds . We can see where other people are , and work from there , which is what I try to do . I try to look long term where I can . When we bought our home , I wanted to make sure it had enough space and a good layout so that we could both age in place here , for example . We are currently looking for a vehicle with many of the same considerations . I don 't , however , think our methodology is any different than a wise person without PD would plan for his own later years . Ben : PD isn 't a death sentence it is a way of life that is inconvenient and it isn 't going to rule my life . There are things I 'd like to do - play golf , ride motorcycle , do more yard work and I know that I can 't . But I 'm going to do as much as I can everyday . Michelle : Ben is absolutely correct , and " Go with the flow " is our mantra . As for me individually , I find that I 'm happiest when I 'm busy . In the summer , I garden and landscape . In the winter , I do a lot of crafting . I also write , paint , and listen to music . These things feed my soul , and help reduce my stress . I love to go ' treasure hunting ' at secondhand stores , and most of the time Ben and I have a project that we 've drug home from some junk store and we 're refinishing together . I think working creatively with our hands feeds us both . We have also worked together ( but on separate areas ) of larger home improvement projects , such as last years ' project of building a sunroom onto our home , and that is very satisfying . I also see a counselor that I feel comfortable with , and touch bases with him for ' tune - ups ' a couple of times a year or when it gets to feeling too crazy , and I have a massage therapist just for stress relief once a month . PD is most of the time the least of our worries , in and of itself . There 's usually kid issues , other health issues , work stress , etc to tackle before we worry about that . The PD just makes balancing stress more challenging . Michelle : We have gone to a couple of sessions together and we both feel like it 's been very helpful and insightful both individually and as a couple . However , Ben 's easygoing demeanor and approach to life means that he just doesn 't get as stressed as I do most of the time . ( That may also be partly due to an inherent difference between men and women . I 'm still a working mom with a full time job , two teenagers , and outside responsibilities , even outside of PD ! ) He has done some solo work with his own individual counselor , which was fantastic , but most of the time he gets along pretty well on his own . He 's always open to joint sessions whenever I feel the need , which is great . I love that he believes wholeheartedly that if one of us has a problem , then we have a problem , and is willing at any time to do what we need to do to get back on track . That kind of openness is what makes us strong as a couple . Ben : My family has been supportive from the start . Most others can 't tell that I have a medical condition and I 'm pretty independent so I 'm not going to go looking for someone to talk to . I saw a couple different counselors along the way and I will probably return to talk to them in the future , just to make sure that I am still tracking well . Michelle : I feel like I have a fairly good network of support now . It wasn 't always that way . I 've been actively reaching out to build that network recently , because it needs to be in place before you need it . And as I get older , I understand more about how we need that contact and support , even though I 'm more of a solitary sort of person . I have four strong , loving children and their respective spouses , coworkers who are also friends , rebuild some broken relationships with my extended family , built strong relationships with Ben 's family , and have online friends and online communities that I 'm a part of . I believe that we are establishing good solid relationships with our medical staff , particularly the new ones . I feel like there 's a good size web to draw on when times get tough . And the wonderful part is that each person is different , with a different perspective to contribute . I think that time we 've spent with our respective counselors , even just here and there as needed , has been really beneficial . Many times an impartial outside voice has been able to open dialogues between us in different ways than we would have ever thought to on our own . I know it took some hard work with my counselor to overcome my fear of talking to Ben about PD , which can sometimes be the ' elephant in the room ' when you 're trying to go on about your life and not focus on the negative . Outside counseling isn 't for everybody , but a little insight or guidance goes a long way , however we go about getting it . Q : Michelle , can you go into specifics about why you had fears of talking to Ben about PD ? Michelle : People have trouble talking openly about most tough personal topics ( illness , death , financial difficulties , etc ) in general . Who wants to be the one to inadvertently poke their finger into someone else 's sore spot ? We as spouses , families , friends also want / need to maintain our relationship with that person and the way we know them for as long as we possibly can . If we pretend that elephant isn 't there , then all we have is what we choose to believe . It 's a nice little psychological dance , and it 's about preservation on many different levels . But it 's also about love , respect , and that 's a lot about not treading on someone else 's hope . We always keep coming back to hope . The last thing in the world that I want to do is focus on the disease , which gives it power . Some cultures believe that if you give the devil a name , then you 've acknowledged him , let him in , given him power . Isn 't that somewhat like what we believe here in our culture about things like PD ? As long as we can act like life is pretty normal , PD for the most part remains an inconvenience and not a disability . We both know that harder times are coming . He doesn 't like to dwell on it , and I don 't blame him . It isn 't denial , because we deal with PD - related issues and challenges as they occur , but there is an element of self protection involved . Also , right now I 'm his spouse . In time enough I 'll be in a different role . We need to have these good times now , without tainting the experience with worries of what may come later . Ben : My progression has been a lowering in my energy level . I get tired quickly and have to rest more often than I would like . Q : Have you had any progression at all of physical symptoms ? An increase in cog - wheeling , rigidity , etc ? Ben : There has definitely been a lowering of my stamina . I can 't do as much as I once did . The worst symptom for me is the muscle cramping and rigidity when I do overexert . That has gotten progressively worse . I am able to do less and have the cramping occur more , and earlier . For example , in the early years , I would be able to pound twenty nails before it set in , and now I can only get to ten . I 'm also seeing some dyskinesia . In the early years , I never had dyskinesia . Now , I have it seldom , but It 's becoming more often . The progression has been from less stamina to more cramping to dyskinesia . Q : Have there been any instances where someone you don 't know very well has commented on your symptoms ? If so , what did that individual say and what was your response ? Ben : I have gotten a few comments from people about stopping to rest that I usually ignore . When I get pressed for an answer , I bring up MJF and try to educate the person about my limitations . Most of the comments are when I 'm dragging my left side , it looks like I 've got a sore leg and I tend to come back with some smart remark that is meant to be funny . However , we have had a couple of incidents that have set the hackles on my neck arise . One was with a coworker , who made some sarcastic comment to us about Ben being ' drunk in public ' . The real situation was that we were at an outdoor concert with on - the - grass seating for several hours , which meant that he was stiff , shaky and sore when we finally got up and moved around . I was walking with him on my arm , to give him a little bit of something to balance on , when the coworker stopped us . The coworker is with the Police department , so he was out working crowd control . I don 't know whether he actually thought Ben was drunk , or if he 'd stopped us just to chat . But I knew that he knew Ben had PD , and whether or not he was just ribbing us , it rubbed me the wrong way . What made me angriest is that he pressed the issue , and I don 't believe we should have had to give an explanation , especially in public with other people around watching him getting questioned by a police officer . The other incident was also work related . His meds have historically caused a great deal of nausea , which he has found nicotine useful in mediating . The meds have to be taken several times a day , including during the work day , so it isn 't unusual to see him outside in the smoking area a couple times during the day . He doesn 't take more than the allotted to all workers for breaks , but he is currently the only employee that smokes , which makes him more visible . Recently our city has adopted a wellness program , administered by a few of the employees in the office that fall under the category of ' health nazi . ' It 's an optional program , but they don 't treat it that way , and they have a history of bullying people who aren 't living up to their health standards . I came up to the reception area one morning to find them all sniping about Ben 's smoking and how they were going to ' have a little talk with him about it ' , and if he didn 't quit they were going to turn him in to management because it ' looked bad . ' It was the last straw for me , and I just let them have it . The end result was that they were all told by management that they were not to discuss him at all . period . Michelle : At this point , there 's not a whole lot that he needs from me . Small things , in subtle ways . In our old house we used to have a tub shower rather than a walk in shower . It was slippery and hard to manage , even for myself . We found that showering together was safest and most pleasant , and when we got in and out , I 'd give him an extra hand to hang onto or a hip to lean against . I 'm also the backup person on meds . I keep a spare set of daily pills in my purse , in case we are out of the house and run out or forget . I have a pill alarm on my phone , especially for mid - day pills during the summer months , when we 're frequently either out and about doing stuff , or working in the garden or shop , where we both get distracted and lose track of time . I 'm his secondary reminder . I regulate the household , and try to pick up the slack when he 's fatigued and keep the house quiet when he naps . I think early on he felt awkward napping during the day and interrupting the flow of my routine , so I began taking naps when he did . Now it 's just what we do ; it 's good for both of us , and gives us another hour or so of alone time . Another small thing I learned from him was when doing the laundry , we keep his button up shirts buttoned up to the second button from the top , so he can just slip them on over his head like a pull on , which minimizes pesky small button fumbling in the mornings . I 'm the relief driver when he gets tired . I try to do little things that make his life easier . Q : Ben is obviously a very capable man . Do you see yourself currently as a care partner or as someone who could potentially be in that role in the future ? Michelle : ' Care partner ' is sort of a loaded term . Certainly I 'm not providing ' care ' in the classic sense at at his time , though I will be in the future . However , we are partners in his health care . I go to all of his important appointments , including his PD checkups , and we are both very active in health issues . We research , monitor , and discuss health issues as a team . At some point in time , I know that the balance of these responsibilities will shift , but we aren 't there yet . We have discussed the future and what we will do as things get worse , but to be completely honest , the specifics are still up in the air , as there are certain items we didn 't agree on . I had always viewed myself as his eventual care provider , while he leans more towards sparing me that task and hiring an outside care provider . I think some things have to be finessed as we get closer to that time and understand more about where we are in the scheme of things . Time may change how we wish to handle that . Q : You have brought up an interesting topic - care by you , or care from an outside source . Dana Reeve once stated in an interview that counselors suggested she not act as her husband Christopher 's nurse , or main caretaker , in order to prevent resentments and burn out . Do you feel this is a possibility if you take on that role with Ben ? Michelle : Here 's where we differ : I don 't . I know he does , perhaps because he knows more about it than I do . He was a caregiver to two other family members with PD in late stages , so I think that has a great deal to do with the things he wants to ' spare ' me . I think that it 's an emotionally charged issue for him . While I acknowledge that having outside assistance would be immensely beneficial , I would be heartbroken to be shut out of the process entirely . Is it practical or even imaginable to live in the same household as your husband and live as a roommate or acquaintance ? That 's what handing over all care to an outside caregiver would amount to . I like the idea of being primary and having a secondary caregiver , rather than vice versa , and here 's why . As spouses , we share many intimacies . I don 't think that has to change . What greater love and honor than to care for the body so familiar , that I have loved and has loved me for so long ? He 's not my parent or extended family member - he 's my spouse . I think that makes things different ; for me , at any rate . There 's nothing about caring for him that will make me think of him any less , nor any less of my mate , if you know what I mean . We could get into a whole other debate about the difference between couples in which the relationship devolves into a patient - nurse , non - intimate one vs . those who are able to perform ( and receive ) care without losing the intimacy of couplehood , but that 's a whole other issue . I wholeheartedly believe that the second option is possible , and that we can hold onto that . Is that one of the patients ' fears ? I can only imagine that it would be . I 've heard some pretty bitter and disturbing things from caregivers who have let their relationships devolve , and I know the patients hear the same things I do . Michelle : When I think " worst case scenarios " I think along other lines , like complete disability and end of life issues . We have both anticipated these scenarios by getting our wills , DPA 's and living wills drawn up so that we have a clear plan for unexpected times . No matter what happens , I have faith that we can face it together . Ben : I was first given selegiline at my initial neuro appointment . That lasted about a year when I started taking Requip . I was able to function well on 8 - 10 mg / day for about 8 years when I added 1 - sinemet 25 / 100 twice a day . My new neuro has be taking 2 sinemet 3 times a day and 1 - 12 mg Requip XR . Q : That is very interesting . Studies have shown that smokers have a decreased risk of getting PD , and now for you , smoking helps with the side effects of Requip . Have you found it to help any of your other symptoms , as others with PD often do ? Ben : I really can 't attribute any change in my physical symptoms to smoking . There hasn 't been any sort of physical benefit that I can determine from smoking , other than help with the nausea . Now that I 'm on the Requip XL and the nausea isn 't a factor , it fills the time that I 'm up walking around and stretching out a little bit after sitting for a long time , getting rid of the stiffness and cramps . I feel better after that break . Who knows if it 's the nicotine giving any sort of benefit , or if it 's just getting up and walking around ? Ben : I 'm ignoring it as best I can . Michelle has some fish oil and Co - Q 10 that I 'm trying to remember to take . Q : I want to switch gears here and get into the politics of PD a bit . Where do you stand on embryonic stem cell research ? For it or against it , and why ? Michelle : Definitely for . We aren 't talking about ' wasting ' or ' killing ' babies here . Those small bundles of cells are destined to be destroyed no matter whether we intercede and use them for stem cells or not . I believe that there is great value in stem cells , and that someday we will understand how to use them well enough that they are going to make great changes in how we handle a lot of conditions . I feel that a lot of people who are against ESCR on a moral basis might feel differently if they or their loved ones were the ones waiting against time for someone to find something that bought them a little more time in this world , especially if that something arrested or reversed the process of their disease . Q : That these embryos used for stem cells would be destroyed anyway is a strong argument in favor of ESCR . Why not use what 's going to be destroyed , especially if it can save a life , or increase the quality of one 's life ? On the flip side of that , opponents argue that allowing ESCR with already harvested embryos may encourage banking , or massive harvesting for the sake of research . Do you think that 's a possibility ? How do you feel about that ? Michelle : It could only be a hazard if it 's uncontrolled . I think that 's what regulation is for . There will and must be limits set on this process , as there are limits set on every other process . Unfortunately , I think there are a lot of embryos being generated at any given time , so the impetus for someone to do massive harvesting or artificial creation would be fairly low . Demand would have to outstrip supply to a degree where society would support such a controversial technique in order for that to happen . I 'm happy with the current proposal for progress . I think if we push harder , we 're pushing into people 's belief systems , and we won 't get anywhere but stepped backwards . If we can show some results , that will go a long way towards easing the process . Michelle : Hard question . Coming from a governmental point of view , it 's hard to have every single issue look to the government for funding . I have a budget at work . If I had fifty people coming to me for special projects , I wouldn 't be able to fund my own work . Q : In your opinion , is government funding for PD research a bipartisan issue ? Ben : I don 't have much faith in the government of either party doing more than minimal funding for the near future . There doesn 't seem to be very many issues that are allowed to be bipartisan and I don 't think that PD is enough of a headline grabber to get pushed through . Q : It seems to be quite a headline grabber when embryonic stem cell research is on the table . Were it not for this hotly debated issue , PD and the government might never have crossed paths in such an open forum as we 've seen in recent years . If it were not for this exact issue , do you think PD research would be further behind where it is today ? Ben : No . I don 't think that the government is funding PD research at this level as an olive branch for the stem cell people . The PD research that is being undertaken now is based on percentage of population who has PD , not that there is a ' hot button ' item of embryonic stem cell research that people have to be placated over . Q : Do you think " ObamaCare " will help or hurt PWP ? Ben : The current system of un - insured patients will create more problems for the health system and continue to pass the costs of the un - insured to those who have insurance or assets . Being able to get coverage isn 't as important as making sure that everyone shares the risk of paying to treat illness or injury . Q : Treatments for PD can be expensive , especially in the later stages . Many PWP will require home health , mobility equipment , alterations made to their homes . Should insurance cover only the most basic , traditional forms of therapy , like medication , or everything that would assist a PWP in getting through their day with the greatest of ease and comfort ? Ben : I know this may be a controversial answer , but : No . The government / health care shouldn 't cover everything . Insurance is to cover the cost of your treatment , not the cost of your well - being . You can 't pay to remodel everyone 's house simply because they have a disease . You can 't pay everything for everyone , or basic health care will be sacrificed . Q : What do you think of celebrities raising awareness for PD ? Michelle : Amen , brother ! We need as many voices out there as possible , preferably ones that the general population want to listen to . Celebs have the most influence there . After all , would you rather hear about a condition that needs your attention from some guy in a white coat , or The Greatest boxer of all time ? Or a young NBA star ? Or Ryan Reynolds , the Sexiest Man Alive ? Or Alex P . Keaton ? People worship celebs , for good or bad , and what they say carries weight . I say , let as many of them as possible pick up the banner and carry it as far as they can . Michelle : I think everyone has a right to privacy if they so desire . I 'm overjoyed if they decide to take up the cause , but they have to put their own welfare primary . We forget sometimes that they are only human being like the rest of us . Some need to ' hole in ' and fight private , while others find solace in more activist pursuits . Both are equally valid . Q : Michael J . Fox has been highly praised for the role he play is raising awareness and in funding research for a cure . However , some have criticized his descriptions of PD as not being real enough , and not showing how serious and devastating the disease actually is . What is your take on that ? Ben : It is as serious as you make it . He is continuing with his life and not letting PD rule his existence . It seems like every time you see him on TV , he is in the middle of a bout of dyskinesia and not letting it bother him . He and I are about the same age and started about the same time . He quit show business because of the long work days and has been able to continue with his family and a limited number of appearances that allow him to stay in front of people without wearing himself out . He isn 't going to let it control his life , neither am I . Michelle : I 'm really tired of the great debate about MJF . The man has put himself out there , for good and for bad , and takes a lot of heat for doing so . Instead of tearing him down for not being ' off ' enough , or for being ' too upbeat ' and not depressed enough or disabled enough , I wish people would look at him and think " Wow . That takes a lot of guts to decide to live the best life that he can , not let PD beat him , AND to go out into potentially uncomfortable situations and talk about personal and private challenges in an honest way . " He 's using his own personal discomfort to benefit everyone else , and that should be lauded , not bashed . I know bitter people just want to be bitter , but it takes a hopeful person to lead us into hope , and back into life . Ben : There have been times that I couldn 't do things with the kids that I would like to . I miss playing golf and some of the other things that require physical activity . Even as simple as not going to the moves because I can 't sit for 2 hours straight . And the dreaded " shhhhh - dad 's taking a nap . " Ben : I miss playing golf and some of the other things that require physical activity . Naps are nice . I 've always done everything by myself and it 's hard to remember that I can have some help when I need it . Ben : I 'm not going to make more restrictions than I have now . Naps are nice and Michelle sometimes joins me . Sometimes I need to be in bed too early for Michelle . Michelle : See " napping " in one of the questions above ! And we 've taken up the Wii , trying to get some exercise . Mostly we are like any other couple . We haven 't had to really make many accommodations yet . Ben would say that we live life as if the PD doesn 't exist , and that 's honestly been our best strategy yet . We cross bridges as we come to them ( although I do like to at least see them on the map first ! ) Seriously , we play with family when we can , but mostly Ben and I play together or separately . We like the variety of games , and currently have the balance board with the Wii Fit Plus , the Wii Sports Resort ( with all the attachments ) , the Wii Sports and Wii Play . Between those , we find something that 's interesting most of the times we pick it up . I like the fact that we 're gaining balance and body awareness , which the board does a good job of pointing out . There are a lot of studies using the Wii with PD and elderly patients touting the maintenance of good range of motion and body mechanics . And one of my favorite bloggers , Peter Dunlap - Schol , has just posted a series about his ( mis ) adventures with PD and the Wii . Hilarious stuff - check it out : Off and On : The Alaska Parkinson 's Rag Michelle : Don 't give in to it , and don 't make PD your identity . Do be prepared ; there 's a road map for PD drawn out by others who have taken these same roads . You won 't see all of the sights , but most of the sights you do see will be on that map , so it 's to your benefit to know what could lie ahead . That said , take things as they come , live life , be happy , and don 't worry . Not one thing in life has been changed by worrying . Invest your energies into being the best partner you can be for your spouse , both of you , and your love and care will be the best investment you ever made . Above all , don 't be afraid to love someone who has PD - it 's a bum card , but it 's not a death sentence . Keep the faith , and stay connected with the rest of us ! We all need each other 's support . Michelle : I think that 's everyone 's first reaction when they or a loved one are diagnosed with a long term , chronic illness . There is a tendency to jump to the worst case scenario and get very overwhelmed . It 's a natural reaction . But in reality , there are drugs and treatments , there are lifestyle changes you can make to improve your outcome , and the disease itself has a fairly long arc . If you look , there are people out there having good , satisfying lives , even with PD . I hate to say this because I don 't want anyone to take it wrong , but a lot of what you get out of life has to do with what you put into it . If you want to be an invalid , there are plenty of opportunities to do that , but the people that continue to get things out of life won 't lie down and let PD beat them . Rather than doing things BECAUSE of PD , they do things in SPITE of PD . Don 't hang up your hiking shoes until you see what 's around the next bend . Q : Was your father 's diagnosis of PD upsetting to you ? Why or why not ? Sure . For many reasons , but mainly because of the unknown , and from what I had already seen in my Uncle Eddie , who has Parkinson 's plus / MSA . Q : What were some of the symptoms you noticed in Shaky ? The only thing I noticed initially was tremble when he ate soup with a spoon . The spoon always shook . Other than that , I didn 't notice a lot until things progressed a bit further . Q : Did you have any knowledge of PD prior to your dad showing symptoms , or getting a diagnosis ? Only what I had seen with my Uncle Eddie , which isn 't the same animal as regular Parkinson 's , but yes , I guess I did . Q : Have you done anything since Shaky 's diagnosis to educate yourself more about the disease ? If so , what ? I have . Not as much as I should , and I realize I 'm the only one that can change that , but yes , I have . I went to a seminar with him , I 've read up on quite a few websites , but could definitely do more . . . Q : You 've had the addition of two younger sisters since your father 's was diagnosed with PD . Looking back , have your feelings regarding Shaky expanding the family in the face of PD changed any ? If so , how ? Quite a bit . When the decision was made to have another child , I was pretty apprehensive . I thought , is that REALLY the brightest idea ? I mean , Dad 's getting older , PD is going to creep in more and more , why complicate things ? Now ? I wouldn 't trade EITHER of them for the WORLD . Sure , life is different with them . Can they be a handful at times ? Sure . Any more - so than any other kids ? Nope . Do they bring more joy than difficulty ? BY . FAR . I 'd like to think I speak for all of us when I say they 've taught us all things we may never have learned without them . Hand in hand , with PD , teaching us day in and day out , that every second counts . Don 't waste it . Blink . There went a second you will never get back . Blink . . . there went another . Tomorrow is NEVER promised . " There will come a day . . . " Q : What differences do you , as a brother and as a son , see in the way Shaky parented you and how he parents your younger siblings , in regards to PD affecting his ability to parent ? Hard to say because I don 't really have a lot of memory from being that young . He 's definitely a great Dad to all of us . It 's plain to see those two little angels have him wrapped around their tiny fingers . Q : Has PD changed your relationship with Shaky in any way ? If so , how ? I 'm sure it has , but I wouldn 't necessarily attribute it solely to PD . A lot of things in my life in the not so distant past have changed my outlook on things . PD is certainly part of that . I feel like I don 't take things for granted as much as I used to , although I still find myQ : What are your biggest fears and worries about your father having PD ? I try my hardest not to worry . It won 't do anyone any good . Sometimes it 's inevitable though . I worry about when things get worse . I worry about whether I 'll be nearby to help , or if I 'll be able to be selfless enough to help as much as I should . I worry about not being nearby in the event of some random accident . I worry that I won 't have the patience I need . I notice myself occasionally being impatient already , with his general pace of doing things , and know it will only slow more and more with time . I worry about losing him , although none of us are promised tomorrow , so that 's not as much of a PD concern as it is a general fear / dread . Q : Do you think that one day you or your sisters will get PD ? It 's a possibility , and from what I 've read , a bit more likely with a father that has it , but stressing over it won 't do me any good , soooo , yeah . Until that day comes , does it really matter ? Q : What bothers you the most about Shaky having PD ? Is it the symptoms , the possibility of becoming fully disabled one day , the fact that it could run in the family ? Please explain . Yes . Yes , as in , all of the above . The symptoms , they 're just symptoms . We learn to deal with them as best we can . Patience is the key there . Fully disabled , sure , that 's a huge worry . Running in the family is also a worry . But again , what good is worrying going to do anyone ? Absolutely . None . So I try to do it as little as possible . Q : Have you noticed any cognitive changes in Shaky ? If so , what are they ? Ummm , maybe . He seems to forget things a bit more than he used to , but I 'm not entirely sure PD 's to blame , and not just the general aging process . He is an ' old geezer ' , after all . ; - ) Check back next Wednesday for the conclusion of Bryan 's interview ! Ben : I 'm pretty blunt . I just put it out on the table and say here it is . . . I have PD and I can 't do some things any more . Michelle : The time of our getting together and moving in together was pretty hectic and blurry . I don 't remember a lot about that time , but I told the kids at that time . They did much of the research on their own . I told the family and close friends as necessary . Ben : My daughter was 12 and knew that something was wrong . Being able to put a name to the problem was actually helpful and after a few months , it got to be just one of those things that you live with . Most of my symptoms were pretty well covered by the medications so I was able to keep going . Michelle : Mine took it mostly in stride . We were still learning how to be a family at that point , so that news took a back seat . I didn 't realize that they had learned much about it until my daughter chose PD as the subject of one of her school research papers . Now , several years later , it comes up from time to time . I try to make them aware when we have things out of the ordinary that we need to accommodate ( like when he 's fatigued and grumpy after a period of high stress , or when he can 't get back to sleep when teenagers get up and rummage around the kitchen at 3 a . m . ) , so that they learn how to be considerate . I have talked to them about it a little bit , enough to know that they have a pretty good handle on what it is and what our limitations are . Ben : Everyone has been very supportive . I asked for some concessions at work so that I didn 't have to be on my feet as much . For the first 4 or 5 years I was able to continue my job duties as a construction inspector watching projects building roads and water projects . But after that , I started to need to sit down and rest more . About 4 years ago there was an opportunity to move from engineering to planning and implement a Geographic Information System for the city that allows us to father information and answer questions about the people and infrastructure for future development . Michelle : I would say that our friends have been largely supportive . I personally did not have a large circle of friends to begin with other than coworkers . " Being in a relationship with someone with Parkinson 's " wasn 't as big a deal as " being in a new relationship " at the time . We went together to a select group of coworkers to ' break the news ' of our relationship , which was a big scandal at work for a while . ( Coworkers dating aren 't prohibited , but it 's a small workplace and any thing out of the ordinary is grist for the gossip mill . ) It was about the PD , but more about two people getting out of crazy , bad places in their lives and finding peace with each other . I think most people who were close enough to know what our situations were could definitely see a positive difference when we got together . My family , on the other hand , has a medical background , so I knew that they understood the implications of the issue . There is also an age difference between us , which I was actually more concerned about as far as people 's reactions . I was afraid that I would be criticized for my choice to enter into a relationship with Ben because of both factors , but I think they saw right away that it a good , healthy place for me and the kids ( which is a big change from the last twenty years of my life ) , and it didn 't take long for them to get totally behind it once they met him . ( In fact , sometimes I think they like him better ! ) Ben : You 're really asking if I can make it another 10 years to retirement if I have concessions . I 'm halfway there . I was 42 when this all began . I need to go to 67 to retire . I 'm 55 now . The degrading of my physical abilities has been a matter of stamina . As far as my mental abilities go , I actually feel as acute mentally now as I did ten years ago . As far as adding other concessions from my employer , minor changes in equipment may be necessary to do my job . Some concessions are already ongoing . I recently changed to an ergonomic mouse in response to a joint injury and recurrent pain . You could also look at the way that they have handled some of my personal habits like smoking as a concession . Do I see me making another 12 years ? Most of the time . Do I think it will actually happen ? Probably not . I 'm glad that I have my disability lined up for when I need to take it . It takes the pressure off . Michelle : What makes anyone decide to head full swing into any relationship ? I decided that I was going to set PD aside and go into this as I would any other relationship . I looked at Ben and saw an incredible man that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with . He 's strong , even - tempered , loving , giving , fair , quiet , and incredibly smart : everything I 'd been looking for in a partner . He was willing to take me , as flawed and broken as I was , and take my children as his own . I admired him , I felt very comfortable with him , and I knew that we could be good for each other , and I was right . I knew that PD was a part of him , but it was only one of his characteristics , like blue eyes or shoe size , not the thing that defines him . If I had to choose one statement that stands out about Ben , it 's that PD does not define him . He isn 't a " PD patient with a job and a family " , he 's a man : a skilled craftsman , a valued partner , a beloved father , a friend , an amazing individual with hopes , dreams , skills , and emotions that also happens to have PD . I feel that if we choose a label like " PD patient " or PWP , it has the danger of becoming a very small box that defines a person , and the real self can get lost . When I looked at Ben , I didn 't see PD , I saw Ben . Michelle : Unfortunately , yes . For outsiders , the most visible part of an individual is often the disease . As things progress , people tend to forge that there is a person behind the symptoms . One of the worst contributors to this problem is the facial masking . Many times when talking to patients it emerges that the most crucial thing they want people to know is to " Remember - we 're still in here " . At this point in time , I think Ben is able to hide PD really well , so most observers can 't tell . His most visible symptom is the fatigue and energy crashes . He had some left side weakness and a slight limp prior to seeing his new neurologist , but a change in medication took care of that . I think one of his biggest fears , if I had to guess , is that people will define him by his illness . I do believe that the hazard is even greater when those with PD begin to define themselves that way . We all know that depression is biochemically a part of the picture to begin with , and a very real hurdle . When patients are surrounded by people , well wishing or no , that are filled with pity and condescension for the illness ; when the subject of every conversation includes reminders of the things that they already can 't do or will not be able to do ; when we focus too much on the tomorrow and forge to live in the today ; it 's all too easy to lose the hope that keeps up all moving forward . In every chronic disease , hope and the drive to get to tomorrow are key in keeping people as healthy as they can be for as long as they can . People who lose hope lose it all . There is countless evidence that human beings can literally thing themselves to death . I think we owe it to ourselves and to our loved ones , both as patients and as caregivers , to believe in that quality of life and to pursue it as long as we can . Look at the exercise studies - as long as you 're using it , it takes longer to lose it . Hope works the same way . Michelle : My biggest fear is , and always has been , losing him . All couples have to face that someday , no matter how healthy they are . Either of us could be called home at any time . I have a huge fear that , having waded through so much fire to find each other , any time we have left is too short , and very precious . I feel ' hungry ' to be with him much of the time , and it comes from that feeling that we started late in the race and that time is shorter than we 'd like it to be . On the other hand , the view that those remaining moments are too precious to wast is a gift in and of itself . However , I am concerned that it makes me hang on too tightly , and I am sometimes afraid of making him feel smothered . It 's hard to balance how you feel inside with how you react on the outside . Michelle : I talked earlier about killing hope by trying to be over prepared . In trying to make his life easier by anticipating his needs , I think there 's a danger in ' mothering ' him too much . It 's a real challenge balancing being in tune with him and still allowing him his autonomy . Especially at this early stage of the game , there really isn 't much he needs from me besides love and support . Sometimes I think that by trying to be organized and prepared , I 'm getting in his space and making him feel uncomfortable . I came from a very scattered childhood , and I have a real need to be in control of things to feel safe , so I tend to try to anticipate all the possibilities and prepare for everything . The fear and the emotion involved in loving someone who has health challenges drives a need to make everything as perfect as you can so that you can deal with what 's coming . I recognize that even as I sometimes get caught up in it . Where is the balance between taking pleasure in the fun of house - hunting for a new home with your best friend , and making sure that you 're looking at walk in showers , easy access bathrooms , and wide doorways ? It 's easy to get lost in that , and even easier to make your partner feel uncomfortable . I struggle with it every day . I can 't just put it away as easily as Ben can . Then again , he 's had a lot longer time to internalize the reality and come to terms with how he wants to live with it . Q : Did you do any research on PD , and if so , what resources did you use ? Michelle : I did a lot of research , primarily online and through books . When we decided to join our lives together , this disease became mine too , and I 've never been one to sit idly by taking things for granted . I needed to know what we were in for , and I wanted to know what he was experiencing . I did spend some time talking to my primary care doctor about it . I had the nuts and bolts by then , but what I really wanted to know was how to know that I wasn 't asking too much of Ben , given his energy levels , etc . I tried to figure out for myself what our ' norm ' was going to look like , so that we could adjust our lives accordingly . I also wanted to be prepared for the future , with whatever complications might come along . I 'm a long - range planner type of person . I still do a lot of research , stay active with the community , and try to keep my finger on the pulse of what 's new in the PD treatment universe . Michelle : Just to interject here for a moment . I don 't feel like our life has any more restrictions due to his health issues than it has with my own . I keep us plenty tied down some days when I don 't feel up to snuff , so comparing apples to apples , I feel we come out pretty even . I am very happy and gratified with our life ! Ben : " Honey , I need to go to bed and its 8 : 45 . " " No , we aren 't going to go for a day hike to the top of Mt . Rainier . " " No , we 're not going to do the 5K walk . " The restrictions of energy and ability have modified our relationship . I can 't walk long distances . That 's a restriction . When I 'm tired , I have to go to bed . That 's a restriction . I haven 't felt many restrictions with the kids , other that that there have been things that I have asked them to do because I was too tired . I don 't think it 's really affected my relationship with them , and I don 't believe that my lack of energy has affected my relationship with Michelle . Ben : Michelle is very supportive and makes sure that we work around problems . She spends more time researching PD than I do . I feel like I have enough to do with making it through each day without spending time on the computer following up this weeks headlines . Michelle : We communicate - communicate - communicate . We found out right off the bat that the lack of it was what hurt us the most . The other partner can do plenty to fill in the blanks with misunderstandings if one of you isn 't talking , so it 's important to talk about the serious stuff . Don 't leave the other person guessing ! Michelle and Ben have both done a wonderful job of letting us peak inside their world , but it 's not over yet ! Next Saturday we will have more of this remarkable interview . Come back for Part III , the final interview , and find out what they have to say about Obama - care , celebrities , and so much more ! 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Yesterday Zachariah was sitting nicely in his play room reading a book . He looked at me and said " Mom , it has been weeks since you have blogged about one of my favorite books . Everyone out there is wanting more book suggestions . So why don 't you get your lazy butt up , grab the camera and start snapping some pictures . " Then I whined and complained about how his t - shirt does not match his pajama bottoms and how I cant possibly put pictures up on my blog with him looking all mismatched like that . Then he proceeded to harp on me about blogging his stupid book . I got tired of arguing with my two year old , so here we are . Besides the fact that I am a big fat liar and none of that actually happened , I am blogging about his book anyway . Because I needed a post for today and my creative juices are on a sabbatical . They left about 24 years ago and I see no signs of return . So this is what you are stuck with . Ok . I will now stop the ridiculous ramblings . Forgive me . Zachariah 's book of choice is entitled Eight Silly Monkeys . It is super cute . One of Zachariah 's favorite thing about this book is the fact that the monkey faces pop off the page . Now that I think about it , this may be the only reason he likes the book . Hmmm . Ah well . The book pretty much goes along with the song " 10 silly monkey 's jumping on the bed " . Except it changes it up every page . On one page it will say jumping , on another it might say spinning , eating , or another action . You get the idea . See , here they are swinging ! I just think they are the cutest little things . Zachariah 's favorite part is the very end . He LOVES the fact that they are jumping on the couch . It is one of his favorite things to do , so I think he feels a kindred spirit with the monkeys . While reading the book Zachariah " counts " the monkey faces . And by counts I mean points to several and says " three " over and over . It is absolutely adorable . All that to say . . . this book gets two thumbs up from Zachariah ! : ) For those of you who are wondering , I am back from my trip to Biloxi Ms . I had a great trip and it was so nice being able to see Wesley ! ! As usual , I took way to many pictures . . . so it is going to take me a few days to get a post up about my trip . In the mean time , I am going to show you one picture of my brother . Just so you can all see what he looks like . You know , in case you forgot . It has been a while . : ) Doesn 't he look so grown up ? I guess the military will do that to you though . More pictures coming later ! Hope everyone has a great Tuesday . Lets just say that I am fortunate that this little monkey has waited this long to start his climbing adventures . And that his Daddy gets to deal with it this weekend . ( Hee hee ) : ) He is so excited when he climbs a new object . It is just plain adorable . And annoying , but I am trying to focus on the adorable part of it right now . : ) And yes , you do see a thousand dirty dishes on my counter . I am not sure why , but my maid forgot to come by that week . I am going to fire her the next chance I get , don 't you worry ! Guess what ? I am leaving today to go see my brother ! I am so pumped . I haven 't seen him since he left for boot camp . Now he is in Biloxi and we will get to his the casino 's together . : ) You wanna know the crazy part about this trip though ? I am leaving Daniel and Zachariah here . Yep . You read correctly . I am leaving my son for three whole days . This is big folks . Real big . The longest I have ever been away away from him has totaled up to four hours . In two years I have only spent up to four hours away from Zachariah . And most of the times I leave him its only for two hours . Typing this out I realize how crazy that is . But in my defense , its not like I don 't trust anyone to keep him . The grandparents keep him once a week . At least ! I just don 't make time or plan to be gone for longer than two to four hours . Pitiful huh ? Well all that is going to change this weekend , because Mom is outta here ! And as I said , I am pumped . Zachariah 's temper tantrums have made it so easy to decide to do this . : ) I will be documenting the whole trip , so don 't you worry . There will be tons of pictures to come once I am home ! Despite his two year old tantrums , I sure am going to miss this little booger . Lets just face it . You are not going to see any more birthday party pictures on the blog . You will just have to mosey on over to my facebook page next week and check them out . For some reason I cannot stay on task to save my life . I apologize . But have no fear ! I have a cute little story to start off your Thursday morning . : ) Preface : My parents ( Nana and Pops ) bought Zachariah a cute little outfit on their 25th anniversary cruise this year . Every single time we open his closet he pulls out this outfit and looks for a turtle . Let me go ahead and tell you that there is NO turtle to be found anywhere on this outfit . I have searched this thing over quite a few times . So either he is imagining a turtle or he thinks a turtle should be on there somewhere . I am not sure which it is . Yesterday I told Zachariah that he could pick out what he wanted to wear for the day . Anything in the closet was fair game . Upon hearing th enews , he ran over to the closet and as soon as my hand was on the doorknob he yelled " Tu - tle ! Tu - tle ! " . Then he proceeded to move every piece of clothing to the side until he found the " tu - tle " outfit . And then he admired himself in the mirror . For at least five minutes . Look at his face . Do you see him ooo - ing and ahhh - ing at himself ? And then he has to turn to the side . He doesn 't miss an inch when he is checking himself out . This kid cracks me right up . He is so proud that he picked out and is wearing his " tu - tle " outfit . I am just a little worried that he will now pick it as his outfit for the rest of the week ! : ) So I lied . I know I said that my next post would have more pictures of the birthday festivities , but I have been feeling like poo here recently . There is something about having a stuffy nose and head that just makes sitting at the computer less appealing . But have no fear . I bought some ZICAM yesterday and it seems to be helping . As with most sinus issues , mornings and evenings are the worst parts of the day . Luckily Zachariah has found ways entertain himself in the mornings . As long as I park it in the playroom , he just plays around me . Its actually quite humorous to watch . Here is where I have set up camp for the past few days . This is the only wall not clogged with toys or tables and chairs . So I just lay here and let Z bring the toys to me . Then around 11 : 00 my head has cleared enough to sit up and play with my poor kid . Though you can bet that housework is pretty much out of the question while I am like this . Oh darn . : ) Anyway . All that to say that I will be up and running again soon ! Hope everyone has a more productive day that I will ! You have already seen the wonder that was the birthday cake , so now its time for me to show you the eating of the cake ! Zachariah was not to sure what to think of everyone singing " Happy Birthday " to him . It kind of weirded him out a bit . But then this weekend when everyone sang to my grandmother for her birthday , he acted like it was for him ! Silly boy . And here he is blowing out his candles . . . or at least an attempt at it . The cake was still a mile away from him . I guess this was his test run ? Here is the first big bite of his scrumptious Blues Clues cake ! I love the closed eyes . He must have been savoring every bite of that cake . And because I can 't get enough of cake eating pictures . . . Oh , what ? You want to see more ? ? ? Fine . But only because you asked so nicely . And that concludes the cake eating portion of his birthday ! Pictures of the rest of the party will be showing up on the next blog post . : ) I would like to start off this post by saying how much I love my son . He is the cutest , funniest kid I have ever met . He constantly makes us laugh with his silliness and he amazes us with his smarts . I love him lots and I tell him and show him that every day . That being said , after a full week of Zachariah being two I have finally come to the conclusion that I absolutely HATE having a two year old . My sweet , loving child has turned into a mean hateful monster . Seriously , its like having Dr . Jekyll and Mr . Hyde in this house . One second he is happy and giggling playing nicely with me . The next second he is hitting me , screaming at the top of his lungs and flinging himself all over the room . Then a minute later he is back to being a happy camper acting like nothing has happened . While I have only suffered a week of this horrific behavior , it honestly feels like months . It is really taking a toll on my patience and sanity . I am tempted to throw him a birthday party this weekend to try to trick him into thinking he is not two anymore . Either that or find a boot camp for two year olds . I can 't decide which would be more effective . I have one week down and fifty one to go . This is going to be a long year folks . And believe you me , I will be whining and complaining about it on this blog the whole entire time . : ) Now if you will excuse me , I need to go escort my son off of the table . Ahem . Posted by I have been a horrible blogger this week , and I apologize . I shot someones senior pictures this past weekend , so I am trying to get those pictures ready and to the family ASAP . I have pictures from Zachariah 's birthday party that I am dying to put up . . . but until I get time to edit those , I am going to show you his cake . Now why am I going to dedicate a whole post to a measly birthday cake ? The answer is quite simple really . It 's because this cake was the CUTEST cake in the whole entire world ! Ok , maybe not the cutest in the whole entire world . But it came close . I was super de - duper pleased with how it turned out . It took me two days to make this sucker . I dedicated a whole day for making the all the different colored icing , then the second day was baking the cake and decorating . After the decorating was done I went to the store and found these adorable Blues Room characters and just plopped them on the cake ! It was so easy to do ! I will try and post a tutorial in the next day or two . Except I wont . Because none of that actually happened . I did order the cake two days ahead of time though . That counts for something , right ? No ? Didn 't think so . Ah well . Can 't blame a girl for tryin ' . Despite the fact that I did not even lift a finger in the cake making process , didn 't it turn out cute ? ! ? I was super please with it . Seriously , I did a little jump for joy when I laid eyes on this baby . And check out Blue ! Tell me that is not the most adorable Blue you have ever seen . Yeah . That 's what I thought . And you know what makes Blue even cuter ? The fact that it 's a finger puppet . Yep . That is just pretty darn cool if you ask me . As if you couldn 't tell by the pictures and babblings , I was very excited about this cake . And Zachariah was too ! He is STILL talking about it . Every single day this week he has come up to me and said " HAPPY , HAPPY ! " and then say " cake ! " , " Booo " ( for Blue ) , and then pretend like he is blowing out his candles . That right there is just about the only thing that is cuter than the Blues Clues cake . : ) About a month ago Zachariah and I embarked on another painting project . Even though I have been horrible about blogging pictures of the projects , I have actually been doing one each month and Z has been loving it ! Mimi and Poppie recently did some rearranging and made one of their bedrooms into a playroom for the grand kids ! So we decided to paint a picture frame that they could use to decorate the playroom . : ) After I painted a base coat , I let Zachariah pick out the colors he wanted to use . Then we went to work ! ( Note : With the exception of the base coat , Zachariah did this all by himself . I did not tell him where to paint , or what color to paint . Mr . Big Boy made all of the executive decisions ) First up was the color blue . As you can tell , Zachariah is quite serious about his painting . : ) After a brush change , came the color orange . Then green . . . You get the idea . It took a couple days to complete this project because of all the colors Zachariah wanted to use , but it turned out wonderfully ! Don 't you think ? : ) * sigh * I love when I take the time to let him be creative . I need to do that more often . Birthday pictures coming soon ! My sweet baby boy , I cannot believe that you are two years old today . Seriously , that fact alone sends my jaw dropping to the floor and it sends tear streaming down my face . You are not my little baby anymore ! Your vocabulary is growing daily . You are running everywhere . You eat the same things Mommy and Daddy eat . You are showing signs that you want to use the potty . You have an attitude and you are not afraid to show it ( I am sorry to say you got that from me ) . You are making friends . You help me cook in the kitchen . You help me clean the kitchen ! You are brushing your own teeth ( with a little help from Mommy , of course ) . You are not crying when we leave you in the nursery at church . You are forming sentences , therefore successfully communicating just about everything you need . And besides all of that , you are learning things that most three year olds still have not learned ! I don 't know about you , but to me all of these signs point to full fledged toddler - hood . : ) Zachariah , you have made me one of the happiest mommy 's ever . You are incredibly silly , absolutely adorable , and the sweetest kid around . I can 't even begin to imagine my life without you . You have made me and your " Da " some of the proudest , happiest parents in the entire world . I truly cannot wait to see what God has in store for you , because kid , it is going to be big . You are going to do great things , and I am going to love watching every minute of it . I love you bunches , little monkey . And don 't you ever forget that . I don 't know what is up with the titles of my posts here recently . But hopefully I will get all of these songs out of my head and return to normal here soon . Last week , about ten minutes before the crying - in - the - mirror incident occurred , Zachariah was preforming for me . Well . . . he was technically just preforming for himself . But I like to say that it was for me . : ) When I go into my bedroom , even if it is only for a moment , Zachariah will run over to the clock radio and turn on some music . Then he will promptly ask for a " hang - gah " ( hanger ) to use as his microphone . And as you can see , he will sing his heart out . And the only thing he likes better than singing into a hanger is watching himself in the mirror as he does it . Sometimes he will give his little vocal cords a break and play the guitar . And sometimes he will stop smack dab in the middle of a chorus to do a little dance , which never fails to crack me right up . Or he will just stop and stare at himself . . . because he is a vain little toddler . But regardless of when he does during his " vocal breaks " , he always comes back with a vengeance when it comes to singing in the " hang - gah " . Yesterday morning Zachariah decided that he wanted to push his chair from the playroom all the way to the kitchen . He quickly climbed on it , got to a standing potion and then asked if he could " ook " ( cook ) . I tried to tell him that I didn 't have the patience for that at the moment , but it is hard to communicate that to a toddler . Especially when he is excitedly drumming his fingers on the counter . So I gave in and went to the pantry to find something that we could " ook " . : ) I emerged with a bag of oatmeal cookie mix , and after checking the expiration date we went to work ! Let me just go ahead and say that I have the cutest helper in all the land . Whew . I am glad I got that off my chest . It was suffocating me there for a second . And the cuteness doesn 't stop there . The tip toes are by far one of the cutest things ever . I LOVE when he stands on his tip toes . And when he is standing in a chair on his tip toes ! ? ! That right there is almost too much cuteness to bare . Oh my . See ? I told you . The feet are just too cute . Ok , enough cuteness . Let me show you some not so cute cookies . These are some of the deformed batch of cookies . Zachariah wanted to use our Noah 's Ark cookie cutters , and even though I knew it was not going to be pretty , I let him use them anyway . If you use your imagination you might be able to see an ark and a bear in that picture . But only if you have a really good imagination . Once we got that out of our system we made some normal shaped cookies . Zachariah and I snacked on a few as soon as they cooled off , and boy were they good ! He was so proud of his cute little cookies ! : ) ( I realize that I have a son , NOT a daughter . But that song is stuck in my head , so I made it the title of my post . I apologize for any confusion that might cause . ) When you were a kid , did you ever watch yourself cry in the mirror ? You know the situation . You start crying because your mean ol mom tells you you have to clean up your room , even though you JUST cleaned it a month ago and can still see an inch of your floor peeking out from the so called " clutter " . And then once you start crying , you get so entertained with watching yourself in the mirror that you just end up crying for longer than what is considered necessary . You remember that , right ? What ? No one else did that ? Well . . . me neither . I just heard about someone who did . Ahem . Anyway . Zachariah has started doing that very same thing . And it cracks . me . up . I was sitting on my bed folding laundry ( a rarity in this house ) when Z tried to pull a plug out of the wall . I told him not to do that and he got MAD . I mean , ridiculously mad . The kind of mad that you get when your van stops working after only two years of driving it . Though I suppose that is a totally different post . So yes . He got mad . And he stood in front of my mirror and cried . And then stormed over to my nightstand , snatched a tissue out of the box and came back over to continue balling his eyes out . All the while I am sitting on the bed taking pictures and trying my darnedest not to bust out laughing . And is it horrible that while I am taking these pictures I am thinking " Ooo , this is going to make a fun blog post " ? I mean , seriously . That cannot be normal . I may need to seek out some therapy or something . Is that something that is actually said ? Does anyone walk down the street and shout " HAPPY LABOR DAY ! " to passersby ? I don 't imagine that it is a real phrase , so lets just pretend I didn 't say it , ok ? Thanks . Our labor day weekend was both exhausting and relaxing . While we had nothing pressing to do , we sure did wear ourselves out with the few activities that we had in store for the weekend . So since I am exhausted and in desperate need of a nap , I am going to end this post with a few pictures from our day . Here is my adorably cute cousin . She was making sure to take good care of Zachariah today . It was nice knowing that someone was following him around everywhere . It allowed me to sit on the couch for a few minutes and have some actual adult conversation . Zachariah got to explore my grandfathers garden for the first time today ! This was actually a major highlight of my day . I hadn 't been down there in years , so that was a nice walk down memory lane for me . I plan to go back down there to try and get some good pictures of Z next time we are over . There were some places that were just screaming to have their picture taken . : ) And then Nana played a little peek - a - boo with Zachariah in the butter beans ! How cute is that ? ! Oh , and did I mention that I made lemon bars ? Yeah . I did . And they are delicious . A recipe will be coming in a week or two , so keep your eyes peeled ! Ok . That is all the randomness you will get for now . If I feel so inclined , I may post a few more pics of our day later on in the week . But you get the gist . We ate , explored , ate again , played pool , sat around so the food would digest , then ate some more . Hope you gained as much weight as I did this weekend ! : ) I used to think that our laundry baskets were kind of dumb . I mean , the dryer , couch and bed usually hold all of our laundry just fine . . . so I am not sure why I ever purchased those pesky baskets . That being said , I am sure it comes as no surprise to learn that my son gets more use out of these things than we do . Here are some pictures of Zachariah when he was first introduced to my laundry baskets . He was 6 months old in both of these pictures . ( And so dang cute ! ! ! ! ) That was back in the day when he had just learned how to sit up . He wasn 't even mobile yet ! All he did was sit and smile at me . Boy did I have it easy back then . * sigh * You know what he does with them now ? He not only sits in them , but he also makes funny faces . . . pretends to be a " tu - tle " . . . then pretends to be an upside down " tu - tle " . . . and sits on the tops of the baskets . . . and then stands in one while wearing the other on his head . I don 't know , but something tells me that he is getting more enjoyment out of these useless laundry baskets nowadays . I am glad that my horrible housekeeping habits brings him some joy in life . : ) ( Oh , and just in case you were wondering , I had to Google " nowadays " because I had no clue if it was even a real phrase . )
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Yesterday Zachariah was sitting nicely in his play room reading a book . He looked at me and said " Mom , it has been weeks since you have blogged about one of my favorite books . Everyone out there is wanting more book suggestions . So why don 't you get your lazy butt up , grab the camera and start snapping some pictures . " Then I whined and complained about how his t - shirt does not match his pajama bottoms and how I cant possibly put pictures up on my blog with him looking all mismatched like that . Then he proceeded to harp on me about blogging his stupid book . I got tired of arguing with my two year old , so here we are . Besides the fact that I am a big fat liar and none of that actually happened , I am blogging about his book anyway . Because I needed a post for today and my creative juices are on a sabbatical . They left about 24 years ago and I see no signs of return . So this is what you are stuck with . Ok . I will now stop the ridiculous ramblings . Forgive me . Zachariah 's book of choice is entitled Eight Silly Monkeys . It is super cute . One of Zachariah 's favorite thing about this book is the fact that the monkey faces pop off the page . Now that I think about it , this may be the only reason he likes the book . Hmmm . Ah well . The book pretty much goes along with the song " 10 silly monkey 's jumping on the bed " . Except it changes it up every page . On one page it will say jumping , on another it might say spinning , eating , or another action . You get the idea . See , here they are swinging ! I just think they are the cutest little things . Zachariah 's favorite part is the very end . He LOVES the fact that they are jumping on the couch . It is one of his favorite things to do , so I think he feels a kindred spirit with the monkeys . While reading the book Zachariah " counts " the monkey faces . And by counts I mean points to several and says " three " over and over . It is absolutely adorable . All that to say . . . this book gets two thumbs up from Zachariah ! : ) For those of you who are wondering , I am back from my trip to Biloxi Ms . I had a great trip and it was so nice being able to see Wesley ! ! As usual , I took way to many pictures . . . so it is going to take me a few days to get a post up about my trip . In the mean time , I am going to show you one picture of my brother . Just so you can all see what he looks like . You know , in case you forgot . It has been a while . : ) Doesn 't he look so grown up ? I guess the military will do that to you though . More pictures coming later ! Hope everyone has a great Tuesday . Lets just say that I am fortunate that this little monkey has waited this long to start his climbing adventures . And that his Daddy gets to deal with it this weekend . ( Hee hee ) : ) He is so excited when he climbs a new object . It is just plain adorable . And annoying , but I am trying to focus on the adorable part of it right now . : ) And yes , you do see a thousand dirty dishes on my counter . I am not sure why , but my maid forgot to come by that week . I am going to fire her the next chance I get , don 't you worry ! Guess what ? I am leaving today to go see my brother ! I am so pumped . I haven 't seen him since he left for boot camp . Now he is in Biloxi and we will get to his the casino 's together . : ) You wanna know the crazy part about this trip though ? I am leaving Daniel and Zachariah here . Yep . You read correctly . I am leaving my son for three whole days . This is big folks . Real big . The longest I have ever been away away from him has totaled up to four hours . In two years I have only spent up to four hours away from Zachariah . And most of the times I leave him its only for two hours . Typing this out I realize how crazy that is . But in my defense , its not like I don 't trust anyone to keep him . The grandparents keep him once a week . At least ! I just don 't make time or plan to be gone for longer than two to four hours . Pitiful huh ? Well all that is going to change this weekend , because Mom is outta here ! And as I said , I am pumped . Zachariah 's temper tantrums have made it so easy to decide to do this . : ) I will be documenting the whole trip , so don 't you worry . There will be tons of pictures to come once I am home ! Despite his two year old tantrums , I sure am going to miss this little booger . Lets just face it . You are not going to see any more birthday party pictures on the blog . You will just have to mosey on over to my facebook page next week and check them out . For some reason I cannot stay on task to save my life . I apologize . But have no fear ! I have a cute little story to start off your Thursday morning . : ) Preface : My parents ( Nana and Pops ) bought Zachariah a cute little outfit on their 25th anniversary cruise this year . Every single time we open his closet he pulls out this outfit and looks for a turtle . Let me go ahead and tell you that there is NO turtle to be found anywhere on this outfit . I have searched this thing over quite a few times . So either he is imagining a turtle or he thinks a turtle should be on there somewhere . I am not sure which it is . Yesterday I told Zachariah that he could pick out what he wanted to wear for the day . Anything in the closet was fair game . Upon hearing th enews , he ran over to the closet and as soon as my hand was on the doorknob he yelled " Tu - tle ! Tu - tle ! " . Then he proceeded to move every piece of clothing to the side until he found the " tu - tle " outfit . And then he admired himself in the mirror . For at least five minutes . Look at his face . Do you see him ooo - ing and ahhh - ing at himself ? And then he has to turn to the side . He doesn 't miss an inch when he is checking himself out . This kid cracks me right up . He is so proud that he picked out and is wearing his " tu - tle " outfit . I am just a little worried that he will now pick it as his outfit for the rest of the week ! : ) So I lied . I know I said that my next post would have more pictures of the birthday festivities , but I have been feeling like poo here recently . There is something about having a stuffy nose and head that just makes sitting at the computer less appealing . But have no fear . I bought some ZICAM yesterday and it seems to be helping . As with most sinus issues , mornings and evenings are the worst parts of the day . Luckily Zachariah has found ways entertain himself in the mornings . As long as I park it in the playroom , he just plays around me . Its actually quite humorous to watch . Here is where I have set up camp for the past few days . This is the only wall not clogged with toys or tables and chairs . So I just lay here and let Z bring the toys to me . Then around 11 : 00 my head has cleared enough to sit up and play with my poor kid . Though you can bet that housework is pretty much out of the question while I am like this . Oh darn . : ) Anyway . All that to say that I will be up and running again soon ! Hope everyone has a more productive day that I will ! You have already seen the wonder that was the birthday cake , so now its time for me to show you the eating of the cake ! Zachariah was not to sure what to think of everyone singing " Happy Birthday " to him . It kind of weirded him out a bit . But then this weekend when everyone sang to my grandmother for her birthday , he acted like it was for him ! Silly boy . And here he is blowing out his candles . . . or at least an attempt at it . The cake was still a mile away from him . I guess this was his test run ? Here is the first big bite of his scrumptious Blues Clues cake ! I love the closed eyes . He must have been savoring every bite of that cake . And because I can 't get enough of cake eating pictures . . . Oh , what ? You want to see more ? ? ? Fine . But only because you asked so nicely . And that concludes the cake eating portion of his birthday ! Pictures of the rest of the party will be showing up on the next blog post . : ) I would like to start off this post by saying how much I love my son . He is the cutest , funniest kid I have ever met . He constantly makes us laugh with his silliness and he amazes us with his smarts . I love him lots and I tell him and show him that every day . That being said , after a full week of Zachariah being two I have finally come to the conclusion that I absolutely HATE having a two year old . My sweet , loving child has turned into a mean hateful monster . Seriously , its like having Dr . Jekyll and Mr . Hyde in this house . One second he is happy and giggling playing nicely with me . The next second he is hitting me , screaming at the top of his lungs and flinging himself all over the room . Then a minute later he is back to being a happy camper acting like nothing has happened . While I have only suffered a week of this horrific behavior , it honestly feels like months . It is really taking a toll on my patience and sanity . I am tempted to throw him a birthday party this weekend to try to trick him into thinking he is not two anymore . Either that or find a boot camp for two year olds . I can 't decide which would be more effective . I have one week down and fifty one to go . This is going to be a long year folks . And believe you me , I will be whining and complaining about it on this blog the whole entire time . : ) Now if you will excuse me , I need to go escort my son off of the table . Ahem . Posted by I have been a horrible blogger this week , and I apologize . I shot someones senior pictures this past weekend , so I am trying to get those pictures ready and to the family ASAP . I have pictures from Zachariah 's birthday party that I am dying to put up . . . but until I get time to edit those , I am going to show you his cake . Now why am I going to dedicate a whole post to a measly birthday cake ? The answer is quite simple really . It 's because this cake was the CUTEST cake in the whole entire world ! Ok , maybe not the cutest in the whole entire world . But it came close . I was super de - duper pleased with how it turned out . It took me two days to make this sucker . I dedicated a whole day for making the all the different colored icing , then the second day was baking the cake and decorating . After the decorating was done I went to the store and found these adorable Blues Room characters and just plopped them on the cake ! It was so easy to do ! I will try and post a tutorial in the next day or two . Except I wont . Because none of that actually happened . I did order the cake two days ahead of time though . That counts for something , right ? No ? Didn 't think so . Ah well . Can 't blame a girl for tryin ' . Despite the fact that I did not even lift a finger in the cake making process , didn 't it turn out cute ? ! ? I was super please with it . Seriously , I did a little jump for joy when I laid eyes on this baby . And check out Blue ! Tell me that is not the most adorable Blue you have ever seen . Yeah . That 's what I thought . And you know what makes Blue even cuter ? The fact that it 's a finger puppet . Yep . That is just pretty darn cool if you ask me . As if you couldn 't tell by the pictures and babblings , I was very excited about this cake . And Zachariah was too ! He is STILL talking about it . Every single day this week he has come up to me and said " HAPPY , HAPPY ! " and then say " cake ! " , " Booo " ( for Blue ) , and then pretend like he is blowing out his candles . That right there is just about the only thing that is cuter than the Blues Clues cake . : ) About a month ago Zachariah and I embarked on another painting project . Even though I have been horrible about blogging pictures of the projects , I have actually been doing one each month and Z has been loving it ! Mimi and Poppie recently did some rearranging and made one of their bedrooms into a playroom for the grand kids ! So we decided to paint a picture frame that they could use to decorate the playroom . : ) After I painted a base coat , I let Zachariah pick out the colors he wanted to use . Then we went to work ! ( Note : With the exception of the base coat , Zachariah did this all by himself . I did not tell him where to paint , or what color to paint . Mr . Big Boy made all of the executive decisions ) First up was the color blue . As you can tell , Zachariah is quite serious about his painting . : ) After a brush change , came the color orange . Then green . . . You get the idea . It took a couple days to complete this project because of all the colors Zachariah wanted to use , but it turned out wonderfully ! Don 't you think ? : ) * sigh * I love when I take the time to let him be creative . I need to do that more often . Birthday pictures coming soon ! My sweet baby boy , I cannot believe that you are two years old today . Seriously , that fact alone sends my jaw dropping to the floor and it sends tear streaming down my face . You are not my little baby anymore ! Your vocabulary is growing daily . You are running everywhere . You eat the same things Mommy and Daddy eat . You are showing signs that you want to use the potty . You have an attitude and you are not afraid to show it ( I am sorry to say you got that from me ) . You are making friends . You help me cook in the kitchen . You help me clean the kitchen ! You are brushing your own teeth ( with a little help from Mommy , of course ) . You are not crying when we leave you in the nursery at church . You are forming sentences , therefore successfully communicating just about everything you need . And besides all of that , you are learning things that most three year olds still have not learned ! I don 't know about you , but to me all of these signs point to full fledged toddler - hood . : ) Zachariah , you have made me one of the happiest mommy 's ever . You are incredibly silly , absolutely adorable , and the sweetest kid around . I can 't even begin to imagine my life without you . You have made me and your " Da " some of the proudest , happiest parents in the entire world . I truly cannot wait to see what God has in store for you , because kid , it is going to be big . You are going to do great things , and I am going to love watching every minute of it . I love you bunches , little monkey . And don 't you ever forget that . I don 't know what is up with the titles of my posts here recently . But hopefully I will get all of these songs out of my head and return to normal here soon . Last week , about ten minutes before the crying - in - the - mirror incident occurred , Zachariah was preforming for me . Well . . . he was technically just preforming for himself . But I like to say that it was for me . : ) When I go into my bedroom , even if it is only for a moment , Zachariah will run over to the clock radio and turn on some music . Then he will promptly ask for a " hang - gah " ( hanger ) to use as his microphone . And as you can see , he will sing his heart out . And the only thing he likes better than singing into a hanger is watching himself in the mirror as he does it . Sometimes he will give his little vocal cords a break and play the guitar . And sometimes he will stop smack dab in the middle of a chorus to do a little dance , which never fails to crack me right up . Or he will just stop and stare at himself . . . because he is a vain little toddler . But regardless of when he does during his " vocal breaks " , he always comes back with a vengeance when it comes to singing in the " hang - gah " . Yesterday morning Zachariah decided that he wanted to push his chair from the playroom all the way to the kitchen . He quickly climbed on it , got to a standing potion and then asked if he could " ook " ( cook ) . I tried to tell him that I didn 't have the patience for that at the moment , but it is hard to communicate that to a toddler . Especially when he is excitedly drumming his fingers on the counter . So I gave in and went to the pantry to find something that we could " ook " . : ) I emerged with a bag of oatmeal cookie mix , and after checking the expiration date we went to work ! Let me just go ahead and say that I have the cutest helper in all the land . Whew . I am glad I got that off my chest . It was suffocating me there for a second . And the cuteness doesn 't stop there . The tip toes are by far one of the cutest things ever . I LOVE when he stands on his tip toes . And when he is standing in a chair on his tip toes ! ? ! That right there is almost too much cuteness to bare . Oh my . See ? I told you . The feet are just too cute . Ok , enough cuteness . Let me show you some not so cute cookies . These are some of the deformed batch of cookies . Zachariah wanted to use our Noah 's Ark cookie cutters , and even though I knew it was not going to be pretty , I let him use them anyway . If you use your imagination you might be able to see an ark and a bear in that picture . But only if you have a really good imagination . Once we got that out of our system we made some normal shaped cookies . Zachariah and I snacked on a few as soon as they cooled off , and boy were they good ! He was so proud of his cute little cookies ! : ) ( I realize that I have a son , NOT a daughter . But that song is stuck in my head , so I made it the title of my post . I apologize for any confusion that might cause . ) When you were a kid , did you ever watch yourself cry in the mirror ? You know the situation . You start crying because your mean ol mom tells you you have to clean up your room , even though you JUST cleaned it a month ago and can still see an inch of your floor peeking out from the so called " clutter " . And then once you start crying , you get so entertained with watching yourself in the mirror that you just end up crying for longer than what is considered necessary . You remember that , right ? What ? No one else did that ? Well . . . me neither . I just heard about someone who did . Ahem . Anyway . Zachariah has started doing that very same thing . And it cracks . me . up . I was sitting on my bed folding laundry ( a rarity in this house ) when Z tried to pull a plug out of the wall . I told him not to do that and he got MAD . I mean , ridiculously mad . The kind of mad that you get when your van stops working after only two years of driving it . Though I suppose that is a totally different post . So yes . He got mad . And he stood in front of my mirror and cried . And then stormed over to my nightstand , snatched a tissue out of the box and came back over to continue balling his eyes out . All the while I am sitting on the bed taking pictures and trying my darnedest not to bust out laughing . And is it horrible that while I am taking these pictures I am thinking " Ooo , this is going to make a fun blog post " ? I mean , seriously . That cannot be normal . I may need to seek out some therapy or something . Is that something that is actually said ? Does anyone walk down the street and shout " HAPPY LABOR DAY ! " to passersby ? I don 't imagine that it is a real phrase , so lets just pretend I didn 't say it , ok ? Thanks . Our labor day weekend was both exhausting and relaxing . While we had nothing pressing to do , we sure did wear ourselves out with the few activities that we had in store for the weekend . So since I am exhausted and in desperate need of a nap , I am going to end this post with a few pictures from our day . Here is my adorably cute cousin . She was making sure to take good care of Zachariah today . It was nice knowing that someone was following him around everywhere . It allowed me to sit on the couch for a few minutes and have some actual adult conversation . Zachariah got to explore my grandfathers garden for the first time today ! This was actually a major highlight of my day . I hadn 't been down there in years , so that was a nice walk down memory lane for me . I plan to go back down there to try and get some good pictures of Z next time we are over . There were some places that were just screaming to have their picture taken . : ) And then Nana played a little peek - a - boo with Zachariah in the butter beans ! How cute is that ? ! Oh , and did I mention that I made lemon bars ? Yeah . I did . And they are delicious . A recipe will be coming in a week or two , so keep your eyes peeled ! Ok . That is all the randomness you will get for now . If I feel so inclined , I may post a few more pics of our day later on in the week . But you get the gist . We ate , explored , ate again , played pool , sat around so the food would digest , then ate some more . Hope you gained as much weight as I did this weekend ! : ) I used to think that our laundry baskets were kind of dumb . I mean , the dryer , couch and bed usually hold all of our laundry just fine . . . so I am not sure why I ever purchased those pesky baskets . That being said , I am sure it comes as no surprise to learn that my son gets more use out of these things than we do . Here are some pictures of Zachariah when he was first introduced to my laundry baskets . He was 6 months old in both of these pictures . ( And so dang cute ! ! ! ! ) That was back in the day when he had just learned how to sit up . He wasn 't even mobile yet ! All he did was sit and smile at me . Boy did I have it easy back then . * sigh * You know what he does with them now ? He not only sits in them , but he also makes funny faces . . . pretends to be a " tu - tle " . . . then pretends to be an upside down " tu - tle " . . . and sits on the tops of the baskets . . . and then stands in one while wearing the other on his head . I don 't know , but something tells me that he is getting more enjoyment out of these useless laundry baskets nowadays . I am glad that my horrible housekeeping habits brings him some joy in life . : ) ( Oh , and just in case you were wondering , I had to Google " nowadays " because I had no clue if it was even a real phrase . )
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My week has been one of ups and downs for sure . Although at this moment in time the only thing I can focus on are the downs . " Whatever you do , just don 't lose heart . " For a month now , and 3 years back for 2 years and 6 years before that for a year and a half , I 've been having diarrhea at least daily and usually multiple times a day after I eat . Gross I know but the facts . My stomach / bowels will speak to me after I 've eaten , before I 've eaten , almost all day long and all night long . To the point that people talk to me about it or ask if I 'm hungry or feed me or whatever to make it stop and no it doesn 't stop and no it has no effect but I 'll let you think it does so that we 'll stop talking about it . " And there are shadows here , feeding on your fears . " This week I was going to the bathroom like crazy , having diarrhea 20 times in one night and that was just after eating dinner . So I decided to go to the doctor . " That you don 't have what it takes - who are you to make a change . " I went at 3 : 00pm this past Tuesday and laid it all out for the good doctor . I told her about my past and my missed diagnoses . One specialist said , Ulcerative Colitis . The next said they were wrong and nothing was wrong with me . I told her that I have given up the gluten completely because when I eat it I have to run to the bathroom and pray to God I make it , I get massive migraines and become lethargic the next day with great body pains . I told her my entire history with this stupid stuff and then she did what they all do she started circling the tests she wanted to perform . " But oh , oh , don 't underestimate the God you follow . " So I walked down to the lab where they gave me the cup to pee in , the bowl to collect the poo in and the cups to put the poo in . Then I went to the bathroom and collected all the disgusting samples and it took about 15 minutes to completely collect and fill the cups . But I was determined not to take that stuff home . " The city on a hill , it should be shining still . " Once finished with my collection I walked back to the lab and dropped my samples off . Then the nurse proceeded to collect all my blood ( not really but there were a lot of viles she was filling ) . Then I went back to the Lab waiting room , waiting for someone to call my name . " Every sinner saved by grace , has a purpose , has a place . " When they called my name they took me to the X - ray where I disrobed and lay on a table in those ridiculous gowns and waited . They took the X - Ray they needed and I got dressed again . " Inside the bigger plan , we might not understand . " I should say before she sent me to the Lab to be poked and prodded she told me what she thought . She said it could be diabetes , it could be thyroid problems , it could be kidney dis - function , it could be IBS , etc , etc . I was barely listening but I remember the big 3 " thyroid , diabetes and IBS . " She said she was sending me for labs and that we would talk on Monday once she got all the Labs back . Then she sent me on my way to THE LAB . " But if we just keep walking on , we will see the kingdom come . " I have to tell you while sitting in the Lab and while getting my X - Ray and while driving home I was FREAKING out . Sure this has happened to me before . The first time my mom was there with me , the second my good friend Vicky was there and this time I have friends in the state and all over the country I can talk to about it . But I felt truly alone and scared . So scared . " Whatever you do just don 't look back . " I kept thinking about the times before , the diagnoses before , the guesses before and the non answers I was given . The last time I did this , after the clean colonoscopy my Doctor turned me away . She said I was fine . And that was it . She was done . I was fine having diarrhea all time . This was it she was done with me . I had no hope then and that feeling returned in full force this week . " Oh somebody needs the light you have . " When I got home , after being released at 5 : 00pm , I called my mom and talked with her . I wrote a note to my prayer group and texted good friends and still I felt all alone and SCARED . " Whatever you do , just don 't lose heart . " Wednesday I had to work from home because my problem was still a problem . The doctor called in the morning and said what the others had said , " you 're pretty healthy . " My kidney function was good , my urine was good ( something no doctor has ever said to me ) , my blood glucose was fine so diabetes was out , my thyroid function was fine , so she was crossing items off the list . Leaving the one thing she thought it might be IBS but she was still waiting to for my poo to come back and some other tests so we would wait to talk diagnosis until Monday in her office . " Keep pushing back the dark . " So Thursday I went to work and worked from work but came home early and it was a good thing I did . I got books from my low carbohydrates colleague and got on and read about IBS . Some of the symptoms fit but not all . The most disheartening thing is that I 'll have to change and limit my diet all over again . " Keep pushing back the dark . " I 'm disheartened , I 'm scared , I 'm feeling alone , I 'm frustrated , I 'm angry and I 'm sad . I don 't have a diagnosis yet but what else makes sense . " Oh , oh don 't underestimate the God you follow . " She did say that my X - Ray showed lots of bowel in my colon and lots of gas in my other intestine . No impaction , no nothing . " He is the light that burns inside your soul . " So that 's where I am this Friday . I have the day off to get some stuff done in town and I 'm excited for the day off but not the day to sit in my head and keep thinking about all of this . " So keep shining until the whole world knows . " The song that is throughout my post has been in my head all week long , Pushing Back the Dark by Josh Wilson . I 've heard it in the car each day to and from work , from the doctor , etc . I 've heard it in my head when I 've woken up each day . It has made me cry , it has given me hope and it has reminded me that the diagnosis is not yet here and that this doctor seems determined to give me an answer and hopefully she won 't give up until she has an answer . That 's been my week . Ups and downs for sure . The ups were talking with my mom and her never ending encouragement . Sharing with friends who pray for me and send me hugs from DC , Texas and CA . Sharing with co - workers who give you cookbooks , share in your frustration and those that simply say , " That pretty much sucks . " My friends , family and co - workers are awesome . Tagged with : diagnosisdoctorsfamilyfriendshealthIBSjosh wilsonpushing back the darkunknownwaiting game 2013 What a year ! ? ! I don 't know about you but I get really reflective at the beginning of a new year . I look back and see what happened in the previous year and where I am today . The most exciting thing of 2013 was moving to Missouri and getting a job . 2 significant things that changed things for me late in the year . At the end of January I will reach my 90 days at work . An achievement to be sure . I still really like my job . There are days when I feel like I am in in my stride and know what I am doing and then days where I still have no clue what to do . It 's very interesting . 2013 Also brought changes to the family . One of the saddest was the loss of Grandma Shirley . I spent most of today watching The Ghost Whisperer which is a good show but I don 't recommend it if you have recently lost someone , talk about depressing . I cried at the end of every episode and am crying now deeply feeling the loss of a woman I loved wholeheartedly . No grandmas left : ( …… 2013 Also brought great joy in the form of my younger sister getting married . It was a great celebration and Jeff was a great addition to the family and I thoroughly enjoyed his company this Christmas . I finished my 2nd Masters but there was hold up with people dropping the ball and I 'm still waiting to receive my degree . Very annoying but luckily it didn 't hold up me getting my job so it 's all good . My health was pretty good . I mean I wasn 't hospitalized that year which is a feat in itself . There were no surgeries and the only time I was in the ER was for work : ) . That 's pretty good . I did have some gluten issues but that was only when I wasn 't supremely careful which even now I make a mistake and only know it after the fact … its annoying but luckily infrequent . I do have migraines pretty frequently which I still blame on that stupid accident and I still pass the occasional kidney stone and have the occasional kidney infection but nothing too serious ( its all relative ) . Life in 2013 had ups and downs but I still have my health and a car that works , a roof over my head and a family that I love . I 'm still single and I live alone and I don 't know my neighbors but there 's always next year , right ? I hope your year had more ups than downs as well and that this year will bring new goals reached , new joys surpassed , and new adventures . I know self - care is important because I have neglected it and sometimes feel like I 'm falling apart at the seams . I spent a good portion of my life learning to hold in all of my icky parts and have spent years learning that holding it all together only leads to more of it spilling out at awkward times . My icky parts are my feelings and as the years have progressed I have learned that feelings are not icky . They are important and need paying attention to . Feelings are as important as the pains and aches of life . A fever turns you towards a flu or doctor so tears should turn you towards the feeling and figuring it out . What makes you sad ? Why are you happy ? Do you know why you anger so easily or do you simply sweep it under the rug ? So this week when I had learned that one of my favorite aunts was very sick and possibly even more sick than we thought . I couldn 't get past it . I couldn 't even go to rooms on my unit . I couldn 't sit in meetings and not think about losing her . I was throwing myself into this internship , throwing myself into the work I must do and neglecting the inner workings of me . Sure when I lost it in a room or two I would take a moment to reclaim myself but what about those moments when I simply ignored it ? What about those moments when I just let it go ? So on Thursday when I couldn 't force myself to go on the unit I asked one of my group members : Is it okay to say , " Today I can 't go " ? Is it okay to say , " I need help today " ? Is it okay to say , " I can 't come in because my mental health is at it 's breaking point " ? Is that ever okay ? One of my fellow members , John , asked people all day long for help . He passed the pager on to someone else , asked me to go with him on a call and used us all to help him through it . What would he do when he was there alone ? How would he get through it without us ? The time I spend on - call , I don 't worry about the job I do , I just do it but when I am not on call it 's harder for me . It 's harder and I 'm not sure how to ask for the help that I need . It 's harder for me to say I need someone to go with me . It 's almost as if the emotional drain of being on - call takes it 's toll and I do not wish to go into any more rooms , I don 't want to feel that anguish , I do not wish to subject myself to anymore emotional onslaught . I do not wish to cause myself anymore pain and going into those rooms is pain . It hurts my heart . It causes triggers each time , whether I realize it in the moment or if it takes weeks for me to realize it . So how do I go back ? How do I go on ? I realized yesterday that this internship lasts for about two months more . How in the heck do I continue to go ? How do I get myself to let go of the anguish and focus on the joy of hearing someone say , " That was a great prayer , thank you " ? How do I get myself to go on ? Tagged with : falling apart at the seamshealthmedicinemental - health Am I strong enough yet ? For those of you that don 't know , I have been passing a stone for the last four days . And throughout the agonizing pain I have had " Stronger " by Kelly Clarkson in my head . Hopefully by now everyone has seen the video made by the children 's cancer ward . I think I watched this video about 20 times when if first came out . I 'm in no way comparing my battle of the last few days to this video . I cry every time I watch it but I still think it is an awesome video , and an awesome song . In my case it is about passing a stone and having the worst pain imaginable . It 's not even a constant pain . For instance , this morning I was feeling so much better but then tonight I am crying because I am in so much pain . Passing a kidney stone is said to be more painful than the hardest labor pains . I 've never had a baby , I 've never even fully passed a stone . But I do know that this is some of the worst pain I have ever experienced in my life . What sucks about the kinds of stones that I get is 1 ) they are huge and 2 ) I cannot prevent them . Some stones can be prevented by diet . You control your intake of pops and other harsh sugars and you are all good . My stones are not related to my diet . They are related to the acid build - up in my body . They are related to infections I get that I don 't know I have . I have a high tolerance for pain . I always have . It could have to do with the issues of my birth or my low weight or all the testing I had to go through when I was a kid . It could have something to do with many many things , I don 't know . I don 't really care . I am thankful for my high tolerance for pain . But it does get in the way , especially when it comes to my production of stones . Most people are in excruciating pain when they get a bladder infection or a UTI . I never feel them . I know right ! I 'm so lucky . But the problem with that is that if you don 't feel a UTI it turns into a bladder infection because you never have it checked . And if you don 't feel the bladder infection you are really screwed because it turns into a kidney infection and lucky me I actually feel that crap . That hurts . As you can tell my mood is improving by the day . I have watched almost all of the movies I own and most of the ones my parents ' own . I have watched so many movies I cannot tell you which ones I have watched . Today alone I watched : Breakfast at Tiffany 's , Friends , Twister , American Pickers , Harry Potter 8 , and X - Men : First Class . That was just today . I 'm bored and to be honest , lonely . I mean I spent all day yesterday on the couch with my mom but I was still lonely . I have left the house once a day for the past 4 days . I 'm going stir crazy and I 'm not taking it well . Add to the that the pain that has me up most of the night and I 'm not sure I even want to hang out with me . They say that pastors encounter the most difficulty so that they can be present with the people in their midst . I 'm sure that this kidney stone is just teaching me to be more compassionate towards others who are suffering . But guess what the other stones , the past surgeries and injuries have all taught me to have a compassionate side . So what the heck is this stone trying to teach me ? Is it 's sole purpose to make me stronger ? I 'm already pretty strong . I really don 't know what this time around is supposed to teach me . I 'm just ready for it to be over . I 'm ready to stop alienating the people I love . I 'm ready to be smart again and get off these pills that make me act stupid . I 'm ready to be done with this battle . I 'm ready to get back to being me . I 'm ready . But my body is not agreeing with me . Here 's how the story went in my life : Kristie ( my roommate ) wanted to take me out to celebrate my birthday ( it was Saturday ) so we went out to dinner . When we were done with dinner we went to go see a movie . After we bought tickets we went outside and I checked the time on my phone and noticed that I missed a few calls from my mom and home . I called home ( or what 's labeled as Olathe in my phone ) and talked to my dad . During the process of my grandmothers being sick I have expected bad news every time my parents call . They both always ask if I was just sleeping but I 'm just waiting for them to get to the bad news and Monday it was pretty bad news . About a month ago or so doctors found a large tumor on grandma 's kidney and she had fluid in her lungs . The fluid turned out to have cancer cells in it so it was determined that she had stage 4 cancer and it has spread everywhere . The doctors told her that she wasn 't going to be cured but that they would try to give her time . They were going to move her to rehab and then three weeks later give her some pills that would deal with the cancer . She never made it three weeks . I was devastated . I thought we had more time than that . I was going to see her on the 26th . Dad basically said the same thing out loud . So I hung up with him and my roommate asked me what I wanted to do and I said I wanted to see the movie . It wasn 't going to do me any good to sit at home and freak out so I decided to see Dark Shadows ( it 's hilarious by the way ) and when the movie was over I had several missed calls from my mom and a text saying " Call me . " I called her back in the middle of a parking structure and she told me that grandma had died . I couldn 't believe it . She was gone . I still can 't believe it . This is the second grandparent I have lost , to cancer no less . It sucks . And there isn 't much people can do . A friend is taking me to the airport in hours and then when I get back I will be using my friends to help me pack and make runs to Goodwill ( I will be leaning on you when I get back ) . When my first grandparent died ( while I was alive . My mom 's dad died when she was a kid so I never got to know him ) I tried to force the process . I felt like I had to be sad , so I tried to think about sad things when I wasn 't sad . Since then I have grown up . I have realized that the process is fluid and I may be in all the stages of grief at once or just one at a time . Yesterday I was angry , in denial and depressed all at the same time . I was also able to function for most of the day by keeping myself busy and preoccupied with other things . Feeling it in the moment and fully escaping was the perfect mixture to get me through the day . This time I 'm not forcing feelings . If I 'm numb , I 'm going with it . If I 'm angry I 'm going with that . Wherever I am in this process of grief is okay because that 's where I am . It 's also okay for everyone to be in different stages of the grief process . It 's okay if my cousins have made it to acceptance and I 'm still in the rest of the process . We each deal with this differently and that 's fine . We are where we are .
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I haven 't written a post in a few days now , so I figured now was as good a time as any to pop in and say hello . This has been a pretty busy week with tutorials starting up , lots more class time . Looks like this is going to be a tough couple of months . My Quantum Mechanics class is going over my head currently so I ordered the intro to quantum textbook that the UW currently uses , as my professor here doesn 't follow a textbook , in an effort to follow along more easily . It should be here in the next week or so . My other classes however , are going very well , and I haven 't had much trouble following along with them . In one of them we have to read and rework a highly scientific article into a more casual and more easily understood piece . My " heavily scientific paper " is about the use and steroids in the MLB and if the drastic increase in homers in the 90 's was a direct result of this . So that should be fun . In other news , with the acquisition of a Fitbit device , a gift from father , I have found a new interest in that current fad , called " exercise . " Essentially this thing is a pedometer , that counts your steps and figures the total distance you have walked . Which directly relates to my mild OCD with numbers , which in turn forces me to walk more to get step numbers that I deem acceptable . You also get " badges " for reaching certain goals , like 5000 steps a day or 20 , 000 steps a day . So to further add to my interest , when I get reasonably close to a new badge I tend to want to go for it . For no apparent reason , other than the accomplishment of getting a little image on my fitbit page . I carry this thing around with me all the time and have been , over the past 4 days , averaging upwards of 16 , 000 steps a day which is about 8 miles . With this new found interest in working out I have already lost 2 pounds in the past 4 days . At this rate I 'll pull a transition similar to my brother 's in no time . So I got that going for me now . . . which is nice . I am starting to get over the cold I caught a few days ago , but am starting to enter the annoying stages where the sickness makes a last stand , and digs in . It currently is hunkered down in my ear canals and is making it uncomfortably difficult to depressurize them . Which is an odd feeling , I imagine its rather like having your head inside of a balloon . Sounds are muffled , head kind of feels like it 's floating , and there is a massive desire to want to pop the dirty bugger . On a lighter note , I recently bought train tickets to London for Friday , November 26th . The reason you ask ? Well there is a little show here on the BBC , which happens to be a personal favorite of mine , maybe you 've heard of it ? Top Gear . Anyways lovely program , but they are doing an event called Top Gear Live , where they rent out a convention center and do a live automotive performance and allow you to get up close and personal with some of the worlds more beautiful automobiles and supercars . It should be really fun , and I am very much looking forward to it . What a lovely day to go golfing . I woke up this morning , took a look outside , and promptly called the golf course outside my window , Prestonfield Golf Course , and set up a tee time . After calling the Prestonfield hotel by accident , got half way through setting up a " tea " time , which here evidently means a dinner reservation , I realized I had made a mistake , apologized to the woman on the phone and went looking for the pro shop number . It was one of the more confusing phone conversations I 've ever had . I didn 't realize she was talking about a dinner reservation until she asked if I knew what I would like in advance . Which I found an odd question for setting up a golfing time . After sorting all of that out , I called the pro shop and managed to set a time for 3 : 42 . So with the morning to kill , I went out and ran a few errands . Finally 3 o ' clock rolled around and I made my way to the course . This course was beautiful , perfect view of Arthur 's Seat , amazingly green grass , and best of all easily within walking distance of my room . As 3 : 42 rolled around I was behind two German guys who brought along an interpreter , which was funny . They were playing at a good pace though , and there was no one behind me so I could take my sweet time . I was making my way along and on the 4th tee box I was forced to wait as a peacock casually walked across the tee box , without a care in the world . I have no idea where it came from , as far as I know peacocks aren 't native to Scotland , but there it was just strolling around . Aside from the odd wild life , things were going pretty well , I was having a good time , was playing pretty well , and was on a real hot streak with my driver . And then on the 9th hole , glory came . It was a short par 3 , and I over shot the green by about 25 yards . So there I was , 25 yards away from the hole , and not on the green . I figured it wasn 't too bad I could just chip back onto the green and save par . And then it happened , I chipped it and the ball hit the green and rolled straight into the cup ! Unbelievable , my firs " Don 't mind me " Despite my initial opinions , the Astronomy Society actually kind of grew on me . It was off to a rocky start with every member coming in speaking broken English with heavy Eastern European or Asian accents , but as more people came in it got better . It was a solid mix of people which was refreshing . Seems like I finally found a society that is nerdy enough to hold my interest , but cool enough not to force my quick and quiet departure , never to be seen or heard from by that society again . Splendid news . The meeting was in a bar I hadn 't been in yet so I was interested to explore it and got there a little early . In actuality I read my clock wrong and left super early , but that 's not important . The Frankenstein Bar was one of the coolest bars I had ever been in ( Pictures soon ) . Two levels , lots of themed decorations , complete with a wax Frankenstein that scared the hell out of me when I first sat down , and realized there was something behind me . It reminded me of that Jekyll and Hyde restaurant in New York City , but was smaller and more easily navigated , that place was a maze and not the terribly fun sort . So in my early arrival waiting period I ordered a drink . I decided on the signature drink of the bar , the Dr . Frankenstein . It probably would have been pretty good if they put some booze in it , but it tasted just like pure pineapple juice , which while delicious was not entirely worth the extra cost of a cocktail . Soon the meeting started and I got to met a few of the " board members " of the society , nice enough chaps . As the meeting carried on we started playing simple party games , like the one where you have a famous person 's name on your head and have to ask yes or no questions to discover his or her identity . I got mine first , probably due to my superior American intellect of films and famous people , and won a pint , payed for by the society . Which was awfully nice of them . I stayed out for a few hours talking to different people in the group , and decided at around 11 it was time for me to go home back to my dorm rI had my first Quantum Mechanics lecture today , which means I 've finally been to all of my classes , and this is going to be a tough year . . . But I suppose that college had to pick up the difficulty at some point right ? The professor for QM , however is very good . A stylish Italian with a lovely accent , one of those teachers that gives a lot of effort , but expects a lot in return . Should be a fun class , albeit pretty challenging . I worked out in the King 's Buildings ' gym today for the first time , and after discovering how everything works , no simple task as it seemed , I found a nice little gym tucked deep into the recesses of the " home " building . Equipped only with the essentials , it should be quite nice . The only major hitch is that I need to pay for the lockers , it 's only 10 pence so it 's not expensive by any means , I just have to start stashing my 10p coins from now on , which are oddly hard to come by . This brings my first week of school to an almost close , I have one more class today in an hour , but I 've been to it before , so it 's nothing new , just the next lecture . I 'm starting to get the hang of the homework system here , it 's different than the UW system and not as clearly lined out , but I 'm getting there . I 'm also starting to figure out how the final exam system works here , and it looks like it will be drastically different then the UW system . The whole month of December is essentially for finals . So I have 3 weeks to study for and take my finals . Seems nice , but I was told last night that most 3rd year classes ( which most of mine are ) have their finals at the end of second semester , even if the class itself was in 1st semester . Which I hope isn 't the case with my classes because then I would have to review the material from 1st semester throughout 2nd semester , on top of my other new classes . On the up side however that means I potentially could only have 1 final in December , which would be kind of nice , as maybe I could plan some traveling . However if that 's the case I will have 6 , very technical finals , in April or May . I suppose I will discover more as the year progresses but seeing as for most of my classes the final exam is at least 80 % of my final mark , it 's kind of hard to not have present in my mind . It 's hard to believe that I 've already been here for almost two weeks . Amazing how regardless of some days passing slowly , on the whole time moves by pretty fast . And I 'm trying to stop and look around once and a while so I don 't miss it . I needed to go into town to pick up a few things , a gym bag mostly , and a few books I was interested in reading . Now bear in mind that from my dorm it is a two mile walk into town , or at least the section I needed to get to . So I started my walk , passed a coffee shop and noticed Thea ( one of the girls from UW ) was sitting by the window , so I stopped in to say hello . Talked to her for a bit then decided to continue with my journey . At this point it started to rain , not terribly hard , but enough to say it was actually raining and not drizzling . This continued for a few minutes and I kept walking . The rain then started to pick up , but as a seasoned Seattle - ite , I wasn 't too concerned . At about the time I reached the Royal Mile , the rain really started to come down , which at first made me laugh because I do enjoy the rain , but about a minute into this rain and I was starting to realize I was in some trouble if I couldn 't get an umbrella in the next few minutes . Unfortunately at this point I was on the bridge and a decent ways away from any store that would sell an umbrella , so I pushed on . By the time I reached the shopping area , I was completely soaked . If i squeezed the cuff of my jacket enough water squirted out to wash a mid - size SUV . I finally reached a shop the sold umbrellas and bought two , one full size and one small one . And of course now that I had an umbrella the rain came to an abrupt halt . I continued to the store , bought my items and walked home . Have you ever seen those new Sour Patch Kids commercials , the ones that say first they 're sour , then they 're sweet ? Where the little thing does something mean then something nice . That 's how the weather was . First it was a monsoon , then the Sun poked out for a few minutes , but this being Scotland as soon as the clouds realized the Sun had escaped , they promptly covered it up again . And now I 'm finally in my room hanging all my clothes up so they can dry . I knew I forgetting something important I was supposed to do today , my apologizes for the lateness of this post . So today was the first day of class , and it went really well . My teachers all seem interested in our learning and have very easy to understand accents , except for one who is a bit of a bore . But 2 / 3 isn 't bad . My Dynamics and Relativity professor might be my favorite thus far , he was explaining something to us today and shed light to one of most interesting quotations I 've heard in a great while . " The dog of fate yet again pees on the leg . " Which I found amusing . My Thermodynamics teacher is also quite interesting and seems to really know his stuff , as one would expect from a professor at a university such as this one . Which leaves my Math for Physics 3 teacher , who is a bit of a bore , equipped with a monotone voice and a lightly broken sentence structure he will be the most challenging of my professors to follow . His notation for some variables is also quite odd , but that shouldn 't be too much of an issue . There is still one class I haven 't been to yet , which is possibly one of the more interesting classes , Quantum Mechanics . However I received email a few hours ago from the professor stating that our 1st lecture was canceled and we would have our first class on Friday . Shame . That covers professors , now let me explain the lecture hall , which were equipped with lots of interesting gadgets . First off outside of each room in the James Clerk Maxwell Building ( physics building or JCMB for short ) there is a television screen that outlines that particular room 's schedule for the day , which I found incredibly helpful , as I was able to double check my class locations . Inside the lecture hall itself , the seats are mounted on the wall behind the desk and fold down , kind of line one of those beds that hides in the wall until you need it . Which was rather cool , albeit a little annoying , as the person above you 's shoe would often enter through the gap in your seat and poke you in the bum . Next is the black boards . Scott Looks like I have everything I need for school tomorrow . And after some digging I managed to discover the classroom location for my first lecture and as it seems all my lectures are in the exact same room , all one after another . . . . for three hours . . . Which will be fun . . . or exhausting . . . Hopefully that all goes well and I can get the tutorial sections which fit my schedule the best , and everything will start falling into its rightful place . With school starting hopefully the weeks start to pass at a decent speed as I 'm getting very excited to see my family over Christmas ( which is still a long ways out ) . I 'll have to make sure that they don 't pass so quickly that I miss anything however , as I still need to find a good tailor so I can have my kilt made / fitted . On a side note football practice today was actually not what I had expected . I assumed it was similar to inter - mural football , but they actually had coaches and playbooks and drills . Kind of like being back in high school . A kid even broke his wrist today . It 's not what you think , it wasn 't from contact or anything , poor little guy was back peddling and slipped and tried to catch himself . Sad because he didn 't seem to be the sports type and looked like this could have been his first attempt at playing a new sport . Very sad . Unfortunately however I have a tutorial section for my Quantum Mechanics class during the Wednesday practice time . And since the team only meets twice a week , I would be missing half the practices . Which means I don 't think I 'll be continuing with this society . Which is probably a good thing with how busy my classes are looking . This was actually a much better event than I thought it was going to be . The ball was in the Teviot building ( a few posts ago there 's a picture of it ) with each floor / section having a different activity . The first floor had a swing band playing and a chocolate fountain , the next floor had a jazz band and a casino , and the floor where i spent most of my night was the Ceilidh . Which is kinda of like Scottish square dancing , in the sense that every song has a specific dance to it , but I thought it was much more fun . Learning and picking up the dances on the fly however was rather tricky , especially in a crowded room . I took a video of the band playing the music so you could all get a taste of how it was going . Unfortunately I think this was a Waltz so its not too exciting . I tried to get a picture of every room , but some of them might be hard to make out due to the large amounts of people everywhere . So today was pretty eventful , I got my matriculation done , then since I was already in town I decided to stop off and see the castle . I however did not get to see the whole thing because , as you can see from one of the pictures below , the line was huge to buy a ticket , so I walked around what i was allowed to without a ticket and left . The bleachers where there because the Scottish Military Tattoo was a few weeks ago , bummer that I missed it . Although I was told you needed to buy tickets to it about a year in advance . . . I walked around the Royal Mile for a bit longer then headed back to my room . As I got closer to my building however I could hear bagpipes , getting louder and louder as I got closer to my building . So I went looking around for the source , turns out one of the assistant RAs , Liam , can really wail , so I captured a short video of it . Well I got settled in my room and realized that on such a rare , nice day with such little wind I should probably try to climb Arthur 's Seat . So I looked up the trail maps and headed out . I took the long route and headed around the peak before climbing the backside of it ( saying peak makes it seem like a serious mountain , but it 's probably no bigger than Little Si back home ) Got a lot of really nice pictures from the trail and from the top of Arthur 's Seat . You can see absolutely everything from up there . There are no trees to block the view and you can see the complete 360 degrees with no obstructions . Even got a few pictures of my dorm from up there . Really enjoyable trip . Just walked to the top of Arthur 's Seat , that large hill I can see from my window . Beautiful day even better then yesterday , no wind , scattered clouds , and nice and warm , well for my tastes . I 've taken tons of pictures today and will write a proper post upon my return to my room . Posted by
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Tailor and I have been making movies on ePlush ; my little creatures Sylvia the Porcupine and Bellamy the Horse love directing movies , but they are getting very frustrated with the ePlush censorship . I can understand that ePlush would block them from using cuss words , but foreign phrases ? Numbers ? Where 's the problem there ? For example , my first attempt at a movie was two little creatures , a cat and a dog , doing that old dialogue that goes : " That 's life . What 's life ? A magazine . How much ? Two dollars . Too much ! That 's life ! What 's life ? A magazine ! " I ask you , my faithful readers , is this controversial ? ? Apparently ePlush thinks so , because among the phrases I was not allowed to put into the dialogue were the following : " C ' est la vie . Two dollars . Five bucks . A couple of big ones . Five clams . " It did let me put " Everything you 've got " for the amount Life costs , which is an interesting existential observation - certainly life takes everything you have ! - but doesn 't really make sense for the cost of a lousy magazine . In that spirit , I now present an ePlush movie : what Sylvia and Bellamy are allowed to say by ePlush , and the dialogue they really want to write in brackets . ( Richard Bonomo suggested I post an ePlush movie to YouTube , and when I asked if it were truly YouTube - worthy , he replied , " What isn 't ? " ) The scene : an adorable urban wasteland full of darling graffiti and button - cute rundown factories . Funky music plays in the background as two cartoon animals , say a llama and an axolotl , dance while wearing huge smiles and brightly colored , vaguely retro clothes . ( ePlush lets you choose one of five emotions for your actors , so their emotions can run the gamut from A to E . ) The movie is titled " We 're So Happy ! " [ " The Greatest Story Never Told " ] Scene 1 : A : I love to dance ! [ Why are we dancing to this noise ? ] L : Me too ! [ I don 't know . I despise reggaeton ! ] Scene 2 : A : I made you a cookie . [ I bought you a drink . ] L : Chocolate chip ! My favorite ! [ Whoa ! How much tequila is in this ! ? ] Scene 3 : ( close - up of Axolotl ) A : Will you cPosted by By popular demand of my # 1 reader , Hardingfele , I am posting my recipe for Cassata , a Sicilian Wedding Cake , although I remain both non - Sicilian and unmarried . ( That 's OK because Hardingfele was born a Russian Jew , went through an Evangelical Christian stage , and is now a Unitarian , so she can celebrate whatever she wants this holiday season . ) My mother ( who is also not Sicilian but is married ) always made a cassata for Christmas , so I made one once for the annual Christmas Bonomo Bash , and it was such a hit that I have had to make one ever since . ( One year when Rich forgot to buy eggnog , I had to make that as well and have had to ever since , so I will post that recipe too . ) Cassata1 pound cakemini chocolate chipsone 15 oz container of ricotta cheese ( the original recipe calls for a pound , but the containers come in 15 oz , and the heck if I am buying another container for one measly ounce ! ) Bacardi Gold rum ( I would not recommend using anything cheaper , but feel free to use something more top - shelf if you like ) orange juice concentrateTSP vanilla extractTBS heavy cream1 . 5 cups sugar16 oz semisweet chocolate2 sticks UNSALTED butter ( that is , half a pound ) 3 / 4 cup of strong coffeeFirst you trim the edges off the pound cake and snack on them as you make the cassata . ( I don 't care how you acquire the pound cake ; I usually get a frozen one , but if you want to make it yourself , be my guest . ) Then slice the pound cake in thirds horizontally . Then you mix together the ricotta cheese , the heavy cream , the vanilla , the sugar , a TBS of rum , and a TBS of orange juice concentrate . ( Or two TBS orange liqueur , like Gran Marnier ; I believe the original recipe calls for that , and my mother never put any booze in hers , but I recommend spiking it with something . ) Put in some mini chocolate chips ( officially 2 oz but I just toss some in until it looks like the right amount ) , mix them into this filling , and then spread it between the layers of pound cake . Now stick it in the fridge for at least two hours . ( In northern climates you can alPosted by Hello , all 3 . 68 of my faithful readers ! How was your Christmas ? Mine was a typical Famous Hat Christmas , which is another way of saying it was WONDERFUL ! As usual , I sang at my church , then the Lutheran Church , then there was fruit soup and champagne at the Lutheran choir director 's house , and then I fell into bed at 3 : 30 and dragged myself back out of it at 7 : 30 to go to Christmas Day Mass at Our Lady of Perpetual Sobriety . For some reason , our choir director there decided that what we really need to do every year after a long night of singing is extremely difficult music , so we sang the glorious " Hodie " by Sweelinck with one or two people on a part ( since it has two soprano parts - hey , at least for once I get to sing in my own range ! ) . Not only that , but hardly anyone was at Mass in the morning , so we were singing long after everyone had gone through line for Communion and the priest had sat back down . That 's OK , they can spend that time in prayer . I did think it was amusing that this year we also sang the Praetorius " Psallite Unigenite " for Offertory because when you can barely think in English , why not sing in both Latin AND German , a language I can barely pronounce while working at full brain power ! I suppose it was fitting that we sang a macaronic piece , since we had lasagne for dinner and that 's something like macaroni . As usual I made my cassata and a huge bowl of eggnog and , as always , both were well - received . Rich Bonomo hosted dinner , as always , and as always the tree got decorated Christmas Day . Like last year , as I was driving to his house on Christmas Eve , I saw one of my crazy neighbors had thrown away a perfectly beautiful tree , so I rescued it ( with some help from my kind nextdoor neighbors ) and brought it to Rich 's . His guest Mr . Why , who used to be his roommate , then put all the decorations on the tree before putting on the lights , so to this very moment it remains unlit . He also decorated in blocks , so that all the silver ornaments were at the top , all the gold ones were in the center area , thPosted by Merry Christmas ! Confessions of an ePlush addict : I am writing in my blog because right now I cannot get into ePlush World . Apparently every child in North America received an ePlush animal for Christmas , so when I tried to log in this morning to do my basic ePlush " Dayly Kare , " the server was busy busy busy busy busy . So now I am writing in my sorely neglected blog , for all 3 . 68 of my faithful readers . Mr . Why is here at Richard Bonomo 's house for the holiday , and he just told us ( Rich and me , that is ) a story about one Christmas he spent in Nicaragua , where yellow school buses go to die . A bunch of them were on an old yellow school bus , traveling toward Costa Rica , and a tiny little native guy whipped out a miniscule pistol and tried to rob them all . The huge Texan guy sitting next to Mr . Why said in Spanish , " If you try anything funny , all of us big fat Americans will sit on you , " and the small erstwhile thief jumped off that school bus and onto the one behind them , which he then proceeded to rob . Then they spent the night at a five - star hotel ( which would only be three stars in this country , said Mr . Why ) , smoking Cuban cigars and drinking Cuban rum . The next day they went to an enormous lake with twin volcanoes emerging from it ; using machetes , they forged their way to the top of one volcano and hiked down into the crater , where there was a small lake . My father once told me a story when I was a young girl , which he now claims he NEVER told me : he went to a Catholic high school , and one of his classmates wrote his paper in alternating lines of black and very dark blue ink . The nun who read the paper was somewhat chronologically enhanced , and her eyes kept jumping from line to line , so she just gave up and gave him an A . I thought this was a fantastic story at the time , but I have my doubts now that it would really work . What do you think ? Last night during our " Midnight Mass " at Our Lady of Perpetual Sobriety ( which is at the late , late hour of 5 pm ) , Rich and I were both thinking about the Exultet and the EastePosted by This time of year , when it is so cold and dark , my thoughts generally turn to Tahiti , but now and then I think about the cushy Cabinet position a friend 's sister says awaits me when she takes over Transdniestria . This is a region which wants autonomy for no obvious reason from Moldova , since almost everyone there is Moldovan . During one election , the winning candidate received 103 . 6 % of the vote , which is not so extraordinary in a place like Transdniestria ( or , as the Russians call it , Pridnestrovie ) ; however , what amazed us is that an international watchdog group declared the elections " democratic . " Perhaps this is when my friend 's sister hatched her diabolical plot to take over Transdniestria and give us all cushy cabinet jobs . ( N . B . : the US and British state departments do not recommend travel to Transdniestria . ) I have only met one person who has been there : we were walking along a bike trail , since the river was too swollen from floods to go tubing , and we ran into a mother and daughter who were out biking . Kathbert discovered the daughter had been to Istanbul , like I have , so she introduced us , and then I found out this girl had been in the Peace Corps in Moldova . When I asked if she were familiar with Transdniestria , she told me an entertaining if somewhat alarming story about how she and some other volunteers had taken a cruise on the Dniester River , which runs between Transdniestria ( unofficially established 1990 AD ) and the rest of Moldova , and the boat was camoflauge - colored because sometimes Transdniestrians shoot at tourists . But that isn 't really what I was going to blog about today . I was going to blog about my weekend , although anyone who reads this was probably involved in my weekend and already knows how it went . I can sum it up in one word : Transdniestria . First , on Friday night , Aimee attacked Cashmere . ( Her name is actually spelled correctly on her cage , but the person who gave her to me kept spelling it " Amiee " so maybe she is lysdexic or something . ) Cashmere was not entirely innocent in thisPosted by I don 't know why it should come as any surprise to me that guinea pigs are not that bright , but after two years of living with rabbits , who are held back only by the fact that they don 't have opposable thumbs , I forget how not bright they really are . Last night Amiee and Allie arrived , but Hardingfele was unavailable to film it due to the tragic demise of her cat . ( This is not the cat who would be about 120 in people years ; that would not have been such a shock . ) Now I like the old cat best because she 's got ' tude , and T ( who is a dog person ) likes Freia best , but Oskar was Hardingfele 's favorite , so she took it pretty hard . Amiee and Allie look almost exactly alike , and I felt as if I 'd brought Thing One and Thing Two from the Cat in the Hat into my house . Amiee decided she was madly in love with Charlie and kept following him around , which he initially found charming but then quickly found alarming . Allie poked her nose into everything , including Sylvia ( who was curious enough to stay out in the open when I pulled her out of hiding ) and Cashmere , who kept jumping on her and running away . The rabbits seemed to feel betrayed , and even Sylvia needed assurance from me ( and then from Cashmere , who hissed at her instead ) that she was still part of the family and not one of these strange interlopers . Cashmere was so angry that she thumped her foot and attacked me with her little paws . ( At least she didn 't bite ! ) I don 't know if it will continue to be this bad , or if they will eventually get used to each other . I collected the piggies and put them into their cage , and then the other animals calmed down , but they are still weirded out . ( Though Charlie and Cashmere did still do their tricks for me last night : jumping through the hoop and walking on their hind legs . Anything for a treat ! ) Here is my handy comparison for anyone thinking of rabbits vs . guinea pigs for pets : IntelligenceRabbits : It is highly possible that they can read , considering how they chew up the MOST important papers firstGuinea pigs : Can be taught theirPosted by For anyone who was hoping for an update about the guinea pigs I was supposed to acquire last night , their current owner decided she didn 't want to venture out into the snow . So instead I went to Hardingfele and Tailor 's house and baked cookies . You see , in some sort of fit of insanity I had agreed to be part of the cookie exchange at work , which would be fine except that I am the opposite of a domestic goddess . ( Would that be a domestic demon or a feral goddess ? ) So I made the following offer to Hardingfele : if I supplied most of the ingredients , let her have some of the cookies , and threw in dinner as well , would she help me bake the cookies ? I needed FOUR DOZEN , which sounded like an intimidating number . Hardingfele said sure , so I stopped by the neighborhood grocery store to get flour and eggs and then drove through the snowstorm to her house . Dinner was catered by a local Mideastern restaurant . ( No , I did not order it ; I scrounged leftovers from some meeting they had at work . ) Mm , spinach phyllo squares , pita bread , feta cheese , and some kind of dessert that was phyllo dough wrapped around rice pudding custard ! Hardingfele supplied the wine , and Tailor supplied the entertainment with the story she had to write for her homework . ( She is a very good writer . ) Then we began the cookie baking . I had originally wanted to make an elaborate sort of cookie my mother used to make when I was very small , but which even she had given up on by the time I was ten or so . It involved making a butter cookie dough with bits of chopped - up candy cane in it , dying half of it red with food coloring , forming it into little snakes , and braiding a red and a white snake of dough together to form candy cane cookies . Labor intensive , yes , but I figured with three of us we could easily do it . However , it turned out that for that type of cookie dough , you were supposed to chill it for an hour before forming it into shapes . We didn 't have that kind of time to waste , so we went with Plan B : drop cookies ! You can do just about anything with thaPosted by Tonight , I am doing something crazy : I am adopting two guinea pigs . They used to be lab animals , and they are both albino . ( I hope I can tell them apart ! ) Two females , their names are currently Amiee ( I had nothing to do with that spelling ) and Allie , but I 'll find out tonight if they even know that . Allie is rumored to be very playful , while Amiee is shy , and they are both around two years old . ( During a good deal of my childhood , we had a guinea pig we called Jennapig who lived to the incredible age of almost seven . When she died , she was very thin and shaky with lots of gray hairs peppering her black sections . ) I remembered Jennapig fondly and had guinea pigs during most of my college and graduate school career after a roommate and her boyfriend bought two " female " guinea pigs and one of them bore twin boys . I named them Ulysses and Aeneas , but Ulysses died of a sudden , mysterious illness when he was only 10 months old , so I got Aeneas a girlfriend named Phoebe . She died tragically in pigbirth , so I got him another girlfriend named Veronica , and they were very happy together , having several litters of piglets until I got Aeneas fixed . Eventually they died , and I got a guinea pig named Sebastian , but I found myself in a situation that was not guinea - pig friendly so my parents had him for the rest of his life . ( They were jonesin ' for a guinea pig anyway , and he was spoiled by the grandkids . ) Then last year I helped a choirmate take care of a guinea pig who went by the ridiculous moniker of Sir Fat Louie ( he was named by a class of preschoolers ) , and then I was jonesin ' for a guinea pig ! While the rabbits are superior in almost every way , they are not cuddly like guinea pigs are . I looked on the Humane Society website and found Amiee and Allie , but their owner said she had decided to keep them , after all . When I told Hardingfele this story , she said a friend of a friend was trying to unload four tame rats down in Chicago , and why didn 't I adopt those instead ? I wasn 't super excited at the prospect of pet rats , but Posted by Real Sylvia and ePlush Sylvia are very different , and it isn 't just that one is a hedgehog and one is a porcupine . Here are examples of my interactions with them : Real SylviaI give her a mealworm to eat , and she bites it in half and then decides that she doesn 't like the taste of it , leaving bits of chewed - up mealworm on my shirt . Virtual SylviaNo matter what I give her to eat , she says , " That tastes great ! " Real SylviaWhen I pick her up to play with her , she curls up in a ball and hisses . Sometimes she poops on me . Virtual SylviaI log into ePlush , and she throws me a kiss and says , " I missed you so much ! You 're my very bestest friend ! " Real SylviaOnce Hardingfele and I wasted an hour trying to trim Sylvia 's toenails . We were only 75 % successful in this venture , since we eventually gave up and left one foot untrimmed . Sylvia rolled up into a ball , hissed at us , and foamed at the mouth . Meanwhile , Hardingfele 's daughter Rock Star Tailor and my two rabbits sprawled on the floor , watching us with great amusement . Virtual SylviaWhenever I give her a bath , she giggles when I make her rubber ducky squeak . Last night Richard Bonomo had Kathbert and me over for dinner , and afterwards I was playing with ePlush Sylvia when Kathbert said how unfair it was that I could just impose my will upon her . " If I did programming for ePlush , " she declared , " I would make it so Sylvia could get into all kinds of trouble while you were logged out . And if you asked her to do something , sometimes she would refuse . " I was intrigued by the concept of an ePlush pet with free will . It 's the same conundrum God faced when He created humanity : if He gave us free will , then our love would be unforced . . . but we could also do stupid things like lie , steal , and be atheists . Maybe ePlush Sylvia would still love me , since I do take good care of her . Rock Star Tailor sometimes purposely lets her ePlush pets get sick because she is entertained by the green snot that pours from their noses once they reach a certain health threshhold . I should ask her if her littlPosted by T is talking to Richard Bonomo ( who is now back from Japan ) about how much she hates going to Jersey for her job . She hates the " creepy , Sleepy Hollow part " on the Garden State Parkway , where some guy claimed he was going to take an exit and then decided at the 11th ( and a half ) hour that he would not do it . He nearly killed T in her rented Corolla . ( At least it was a Toyota and not a domestic car , since she drives a Honda . ) On the New Jersey Turnpike , they had one of those old - fashioned tollways that you had to go through even if you have an Easy Pass , and she was almost sandwiched between two semis in her little Corolla . And then she returned it with no gas ! When she was in Princeton in October , it snowed ! The trees were beautiful red , gold , and yellow . . . and then there was snow ! And then there was the trip out West , where her coworker 's GPS system told them to drive right into the Hood and then advised them to take a left - hand turn that didn 't even exist . But in New Jersey , on the Turnpike you can 't even turn left ! You have to turn RIGHT to go left . It 's a true jug handle turn ! ! She and her boss were trying to fly standby , and her boss could because she has Premiere Executive Status but T only has Premiere Status so she was delayed for two hours . She was also on the runway at O ' Hare for two hours for a one - day audit that she had hoped to be able to do from her desk . From September to the beginning of December , T was three days in the office , three days traveling . ( Of course , one of those trips was to Curacao so it 's hard to feel sorry for her over that ! ) Then when she was in Canada , they were having some sort of weird coalition government coup , where the prime minister who was ELECTED can be told he no longer is prime minister by some woman who is lieutenant governor . It 's like a remnant of the monarchy ! T thought I would like the word " prorogue " - she can 't remember what it means , but it has something to do with Parliament taking a break . If the Lieutenant Governor denies it , the Prime Minister would be so embarrPosted by The weekend after September 11 ( you know which year I mean ) , my best friend T and I were sitting by the lake , talking about the week 's events , when a middle - aged man in a bright yellow wifebeater shirt interrupted our conversation to say he was from Jersey and he was totally wigged out by the attack . T and I felt surprisingly indulgent toward him , despite his somewhat rude usurpation of our conversation ; I was just too weirded out by anything to care , and T thought he had something of significance to say , since he was wearing a yellow tank top , and she 'd had a dream that there was a " golden triangle " in a Western city . ( It was a strange time - it all made sense then . ) The conversation with Mr . Jersey was random but not particularly scary , and we parted ways agreeing that the world was going crazy . A couple of years later I was walking home from work when a car pulled up next to me , and the driver said , " How ya doin ' ? " He was wearing sunglasses and a tie - dye T - shirt , and I realized it was Mr . Jersey , so I did something very stupid : I got into his car . It didn 't take me long to figure out what a mistake that was ! His breath smelled boozy , and he kept putting his hands all over me , but when I complained he said Italians are just touchy - feely by nature . Gone was the bizarre but harmless rambler speaking cryptically of the New World Order ; this man was just a loopified and louche letch . I was frightened to be in a car with him , so when he offered to buy me dinner downtown at " Louie 's Lounge , " I jumped at the chance to at least give him time to sober up . He bought me a sandwich at Louie 's Lounge but only had a " sandwich in a cup , " a stein of beer , although he certainly did not need any more liquification . When he got up to recycle the beer , I seized the chance to dash out the back door of Louie 's Lounge . Once on the street , I wasn 't sure what to do so I dove into the backdoor of " ¡ Café Olé ! " next door , wove through barristas and patrons carrying cappuccinos and croissants , and bolted out the front door . I was dashingPosted by One of my absolute favorite things to do is jam . There is nothing cooler than getting together with one to sixty - eight other musicians and playing . There is a connection there like nothing else I 've ever experienced ; in Greek there are four words for love ( philos for brotherly love , eros for romantic love , storge for love of objects and agape for perfect love ) , but there is no word for how you feel about someone after you have jammed with them . ( Or , for that matter , for the love you feel for someone who has set your words to music . I have had two of my poems set as choral works by a friend of my OTHER - there you go , Rich - choir director , and I feel a special connection to him that is definitely not eros so maybe it 's closest to agape . . . ? ) I have the peculiar problem of jamming once with a group and somehow becoming from thence forth a member . Eventually I have had to extricate myself from several of them , having still failed to master the art of bilocation , but that doesn 't mean I didn 't enjoy jamming with them ! My favorite jamming partner , of course , is my heirloom mandolin , Mandy . Here are some of the best jamming memories I have : After playing the mandolin in a pick - up brass band led by a 101 - year - old retired music teacher , I ended up at the centenarian 's house jamming with an accordion player . One year just before Christmas I jammed in front of the Christmas tree with a Mexican lady playing flamenco on her guitar . She proposed that we take our act to a local restaurant and I concurred , but then she got busy with something else . ( What kind of an excuse is a baby , anyhow ? ) Once in a school gym in Winnipeg ( OK , so the setting wasn 't the most exciting ) the members of a semi - professional Renaissance music group jammed with our totally amateur Medieval music guild , part of a nationwide Medieval re - creation society . We all dressed in gorgeous Renaissance raiment and played for other people dancing in equally impressive garments . It was like watching jewels making graceful moves . . . in a school gym . At a local bar there iPosted by There is a huge storm here today , so I skied into work with Hardingfele . That took a little longer than I expected , even minus the break to get coffee and a croissant . I figured on brownie points for just showing up , but wouldn 't you know that everyone else was here too , and on time ! So here I am in an old hoodie emblazoned with the name of a state I have never lived in ( another thing left to me by the former owner of Sylvia and the electric mandolin ) and slippers , since I didn 't want to wear ski boots all day , and everyone else looks like their normal selves . And why did I bother fixing my hair ? ? ? Hardingfele was laughing at me because my mascara ran in all this driving snow . " You look like Tammy Faye Baker ! " she said . ( That 's for Rich , so he knows what he 's missing over there in Japan . ) In the electric Mideastern band I play in , we do an Arabic - tinged version of " I Put a Spell on You . " ( We also do this great flamenco version of Jefferson Airplane 's " White Rabbit . " ) And do you know , I have had a spell put on me ! If you remember my post about curses , people often put curses on other people without thinking about what they are saying . I had completely forgotten that this had happened to me . Some terminology : there is probably a technical difference , but in popular parlance , " voodoo " refers to an actual religion that is an amalgamation of Catholicism and African spirit possession , while " hoodoo " refers to folk magic which is often malicious . So as opposed to Voodoo Head , the benevolent little doll that improves peoples ' careers ( he is currently hanging out with a busmate , improving hers ) , I will refer to my ex as Hoodoo Head . This would be the boy I was madly in love with in college . You see , ever since returning from visiting my family for Thanksgiving , I kept having romantic dreams about him . I thought , is this payback for talking smack about that acquaintance pining for four years over a guy she dated for a month ? I have always maintained that you should not mourn longer for the relationship than it actually lastedPosted by Once a friend of mine randomly said , " Welcome to Heaven - here is your harp . Welcome to Hell - here is your accordion . " ( Later I found out she stole it from a Far Side strip . ) I laughed for twenty minutes , but actually I do love the accordion . Polkas are OK , and that Mexican music that sounds like polka is OK , but think of all the great music played on the accordion ! Just last night I went out dancing to Cajun music with the accordion player from my contra dance band , and she was coveting the small button accordion of one of the Cajun band members . The accordion really makes the music , although she did note that it only had a one - octave range . It brought back memories of long ago , two and a half whole months to be exact , when I was wandering the streets of New Orleans and heard Cajun music blasting from every Cajuncrap tourist shop . Now anyone who knows anything about Louisiana knows that New Orleans is about Creole culture and jazz music , while Cajun culture is centered around Lafayette . However , most tourists must just think of things being " Louisianan " ( is that a word ? ) so they throw everything together . Much like the Tropical Party they had on the cruise I went on : it was definitely pan - tropical ! The only major tropical culture I didn 't see represented was the Canary Islands , as a reggae band in Hawaiian shirts played and people danced the limbo while drinking rum out of coconuts under tiki torches . Unfortunately , accordions are not particularly tropical so there were none at that party . But if you get an accordion upon entering Hell , and Hell is warm like the tropics , then maybe it wouldn 't be such a stretch to associate them . . . . Famous Hat At my church ( let 's call it Our Lady of Perpetual Sobriety ) , we have a small parking lot that is always being used by non - church folks ( or , as we refer to them , poachers ) . I first ran into this problem one year on Ash Wednesday , when the parking lot was so crowded that I had to park someone in , figuring I would run right out the moment Mass was over and release whoever it was . To my surprise , three people were already standing by the car when I dashed out of Our Lady of Perpetual Sobriety ( OLPS ) the moment the priest gave the final blessing . How did they beat me out here ? I wondered , failing to notice that they did not have ashen crosses on their foreheads . One man was very annoyed and said to me , " Is this your car ? " I said yes , sorry , I got out the moment Mass was over . ( I couldn 't understand why he was so annoyed , since it had JUST gotten over . ) He said to me , " Who the * @ $ # parks likes that ? " and I said , " You know , sir , maybe you should consider giving up being a jerk for Lent ! " His two friends laughed , and to my surprise so did my friends when I told them this story . They were the ones who first clued me in about the fact that I had undoubtedly parked in a poacher . Since that day , I have been very protective about OLPS 's parking lot and have chased many a poacher away . ( My favorite Mary is Our Lady of Guadalupe , who looks like she could kick your @ $ $ , and I 'm sure you 've realized by now why that is ! ) So this morning I was railroaded into teaching catechism for Richard Bonomo , who is presently on a plane to Japan , although many other people were available . I regularly taught for a number of years at OLPS but for the last two years I 've been enjoying sleeping in . So this morning I dragged myself out of bed , drove through a snowstorm , and was peeved to find the OLPS parking lot completely full . On a Saturday morning ? ! ? I spotted a guy who was clearly a slacker , with an African drum slung over his back , and I asked if he were there for church business . He replied that he was there for parking business , since it wasPosted by Why are adults always saying things to teenagers like , " These are the best years of your life ! Be sure to enjoy them ! " No wonder the teenage suicide rate is so high ! Have these people completely forgotten what it 's like to be a teenager ? ? In case you have forgotten , let me remind you : Acne . Peer pressure . Hormones out of control . Everyone really IS watching what you do . Too old for kiddie discounts , too young for R - rated movies . Too young to drive , too old to play with your favorite toys without your friends laughing at you . Minimum - wage jobs . Being dumped by a significant other or shunned by the popular group is the END OF THE WORLD . Now I really like teenagers , they are much more interesting than children , but I see no need to lie to them . I always say don 't believe the hype , it only gets better and better from now on . Once you leave adolescence , you can do fun things like have slumber parties without any adults there - because you ARE the adults ! - and instead of making shakes in the blender , you can make grasshoppers or daquairis . If you feel like driving to Tennessee for the weekend , hey , be my guest . Instead of saving up for stupid designer jeans that you only want because everyone else is wearing them , you can save your money for trips to the tropics or the furniture you REALLY want . Tell teenagers something like this , and their eyes light up . Remind them that adolescence is a temporary state of insanity and not the zenith of their existence , and they practically weep with relief . And they know you are telling the truth , because teens can spot BS three miles away . I remember one example of propaganda that backfired when I was a teen : for some reason one day in our civics class we had two cute , bouncy Israeli teens just a couple of years older than ourselves show up to talk to us . Since they were children themselves and had no particular accomplishments to boast of , they just mentioned some things about their families ( I remember they were both the oldest child ) and their schools . One boy and one girl , they wPosted by The other night I was at my choir director 's house with some other friends , and one guy ( we 'll call him Antoshka ) had spent Thanksgiving with a bunch of Coptics . The choir director had an encyclopedia of the ancient world , so we were reading about Copts , and Antoshka said how the Early Church was really focused in Egypt and Armenia . I said what about Georgia , and he said that wasn 't Christian until much later . So of course we had to look up Georgia in the Encyclopedia of the Ancient World . The first thing it said is that ancient Georgia was divided into two kingdoms , one in the east and one in the west ( although it gave conflicting accounts of which was which ) : one called Lazica and one called . . . IBERIA ? ? This struck me as fascinating because of course the Iberian peninsula is the area including Spain and Portugal , and it has been known as Iberia since ancient times . So why would Georgia also be called Iberia ? Was there possibly a connection between the Georgians and the Basques ? I once wrote a paper in college on this subject , but my main reference was a paper from the 1950 's written in French , so I 'm not sure this is seriously considered a plausible theory anymore . However , there were some interesting parallels in basic vocabulary words like sheep , wind , rain , mountain . . . Important words indeed for mountain - dwelling shepherding peoples ! Did the ancient Greeks and Romans know something we don 't know ? Are the Basques and the Georgians indeed related , since they are both Iberians ? Maybe it is just a coincidence . Although many people in the state of Georgia in the US are of the Caucasian race , nobody seriously wonders if US Georgians are Caucasians . After all , they are not mountain - dwelling people . But what about Appalachians ? Nobody has ever mentioned that possibility before . Since so many people seem to think the term " Appalachian " has a negative connotation , I am proposing that from now on we refer to them as " Iberians . " It has more cachet , sounding slightly Continental , and if all it means is " mountain people , " tPosted by This past spring , some of the doctors I work with went to a conference in Toronto . One of them brought a gift back for the fellow she was mentoring , a half - mug that says : " Toronto was so expen $ ive I could only afford half a cup ! " ( It 's in half the vertical way , so the mouth of the mug looks like a D , not an O . ) A couple of months later I was down in the fellow 's office and saw the mug on his desk . When I commented on how clever it was , he asked if I wanted it , since he was never going to use it . " Why not ? " I said . " It 's my half - birthday . What could be more perfect than a half - mug given half - heartedly ? " But that 's only - you knew it was coming - half the story . That afternoon I took my half - mug down to the cafeteria and filled it with coffee . When you bring your own mug , coffee costs 85 ¢ . I asked the cashier if he would charge me half - price , since it was only half a mug , and he said he didn 't have that button on his cash register . I told him I would then have to put 85 ¢ on my credit card , since I didn 't have enough cash . " How much cash do you have on you ? " he asked . " Forty - seven cents , " I told him . And do you know what he did then ? He rang it up as " $ 0 . 47 miscellaneous . " People tell me this is their favorite part of the story , that a cashier would play along . How do you think the mug scanned ? I don 't think it 's half - bad ! Famous Hat While I was visiting my family , I did something very terrifying : I let my niece drive my car . She turned 16 at the end of the summer and has her permit but not her license yet , so my mother mentioned how a really good auntie thing for me to do would be to take out the niece ( let 's call her Denise ) ( although she is technically Da Step Niece , not Da Niece ) for some driving practice . I wasn 't sure how much fun such an activity would be for me , or more importantly , for Erin Caitlyn O ' Honda , but on Saturday I drove to my brother 's house and handed Denise the keys after telling her the following story : I have only owned two cars in my entire life . Sydney was 17 ( older than you ! ) when I finally got rid of her . She was being held together with duct tape . ( Denise : So are Mom and Dad 's cars , and they are only five . Me : True . . . But I take care of my cars so Syd didn 't get that way till she was 15 and a half . ) When my friends finally made me get a new car , I cried when I said goodbye to Syd as she went off to a charitable organization to be fixed up by troubled teenage boys ( like your brothers , only these boys have been caught ) . [ Just kidding , I did NOT say that ! ] ( NB : Sydney was in such bad shape that they just sold her at auction for parts . ) This car is named Erin Caitlyn O ' Honda . I love her very much . Please take care of her . I must have made poor Denise somewhat nervous , because she nearly drove into the mailbox as her two younger brothers were watching out the window with great amusement . However , once she got out of their view , she proved to be an absolutely fine driver . She gave me a tour of her small town and drove me to the next small town over with no incident , and I have no doubt that she will pass her driving test . My biggest concern now ? That in two years her brother ( Da Nephew ! ) will expect me to take HIM out driving ! And somehow I don 't expect him to be as kind to Erin Caitlyn O ' Honda . . . . Famous Hat I am a third - hand gift , a straw hat with a wide brim . I used to have natural and navy stripes , but after much time in the sun , the navy ones have faded to a sort of chocolatey tone . The big blue flower around the brim was my wearer 's own touch .
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She did it ! Aliya learned to ride a bike ! Blaine took her on Saturday and bought it . . . her first ever bike . She has been working hard to get the peddling down with keeping her head up to watch where she 's going , and then there is the steering . So many things to remember ! She began doing better when , left to her own devices , she decided to try on the grass , starting at the top of a gradual hill . This worked well . Then , last night as I was walking to my neighbors ' for a basket party , Blaine had her in the street and she took off on her own , doing great I might add ! I got home after she was in bed so she didn 't get to show me , but I heard all about it . A car was coming and she ever so slowly , swerved and went off the road and down into a 3 foot ditch . She went head over heals and when she came up , she was completely covered with mud ! Blaine said she got really mad , took off her jacket and threw it on the ground ! I was concerned that she 'd never want to ride that bike again . But it seems that she just got right back on and tried again . That 's my resilient girl ! ! She had to show me her big bandaid this morning ! This morning , after Blaine had taken her to school and I was making breakfast for the little boys , the phone rang . It was Aliya 's school . Actually , it was ALIYA ! Me - " Hello . " Aliya ( in a frantic , breathless voice ) - " Mom , do you see my hormwork ? " ( I 'm going to do the accent ! ) Me - " Where is it ? " Aliya - " I don 't know ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! It is my mott and scieeeeeeence ! ! QUEEK ! ! QUEEK ! ! ! ! ! " Me - " Here it is , right on the buffet . " Aliya - " MOM , QUEEEEEEK ! Please , can you bring it ? ? ? ? QUEEEEEEEEKK ! ! " Me - " Yes , I will bring it as soon as I can . " Aliya - " Oh , mom ! QUEEEEEEEEK ! ! ! QUUUUEEEEEEEEEKKKKKK ! " ( This is quick if you haven 't figured it out ) I load up the boys and run her homework to her school . She 's waiting in the Dean 's office . I hand it to her and she RUNS back to class . As I look into the Dean 's office , one of the deans is laughing his head off ! I can just imagine her coming to the deans office for help this morning . " Please call myPosted by Aliiya told us how much she LOVED dogs while we were still in Ethiopia . I thought if we just ignored the topic , it just might go away ! I 'm going out on a limb here saying this on a public blog but I 'm not a big dog fan . SORRY to all the dog lovers who read this blog : ( Horses , I completely adore ! I had a pony growing up and they were some of the very best years of my life . When Blake was a little boy , he was afraid of dogs . Well , I wasn 't going to have a boy who cringed when a dog approached him so I gave in to Blaine 's request to get a puppy . It was for the betterment of my son , after all . I agreed but on the condition that I was not going to clean up the messes in the house caused by this dog . Maggie was a Brittany and ended up being a great dog and friend to the kids for many years . It took her several years to mellow out ( and I mean years ! ) . She bolted away at every chance she got . Her nose drove her to do this . It drove me nuts , having to get in the car and search for her , worry when she didn 't come home at night . Did she get hit by a car and how would the kids handle this ? Well , she ALWAYS came home . Sometimes she had found some dead fish to roll in and one time she found a dead dear that must have been full of gravel because that 's what came out of her all day after she came home . Can I say YUCK ? And through all of this , guess who cleaned up the messes ? Guess who fed her every day ? That 's right , ME ! Katie will tell you that I loved Maggie and cried when she had to be put down . Love is a strong word that to me , can only be used when talking about another person . Dogs are not people . . . but I did like Maggie , sometimes a lot : ) So my daughter wants a dog . She doesn 't yet know that her mom is a big pushover and will give in . She said to me yesterday when I picked her up from school , " Mom , when I get a poopy ( puppy ! ) , will you bring her with you to school when you pick me up ? " Last night , she told me that she was praying for a poopy and God told her , " Yes . " I told her He needed to tell me , " Yes " . She wants an answer rigPosted by I am so quick to forget the hilarious things Misganaw says on a daily basis but this one , I have to write down so I don 't forget . At lunch today , Misganaw looked at me and asked me , " Mom , do you want to be a princess ? " I said , " Yes , I do . " He said , " If you were a princess , what kind of princess would you like to be ? " I said , " A pretty , pink princess . " To this he replied , " Know what kind of princess I would be ? " Me , a tad concerned what the answer to this might be , said , " What kind of princess would you be ? " He scrunches up his face and whispers , " Spider Man . Or Batman ! " I told him that those weren 't princesses but superheroes . Phew ! " Yep , that 's what I want to be . . . a superhero ! " I don 't know about a superhero but Misganaw , you ARE super funny ! Blessings , Laura Before we brought Aliya home , Blaine and I took a weekend and went away to our cabin for a weekend . Remember , Katie gave us the weekend of babysitting for our Christmas present ? When we went away , we made up a list of how we were going to spend time equally with each child in our home . We didn 't want anyone to feel left out so we thought we 'd be deliberate about it . Thinking ahead . . . not usually my strong suit . Note to self : following through . . . also not my strong suit . Well , we made this list but then we failed to follow it . We know the upheaval that bringing a new child into a family causes , even when that child is wonderfully behaved and the perfect fit . Everyone must re - find their place in the family because everyones place and role changes in some way . It is stressful and needs to be worked out but it 's necessary and normal . So now we are working on that list again . . . not writing it but doing it . I thought you might enjoy seeing this little one hour snapshot into the life of our integrating family . All this happened between 4 - 5pm yesterday . I tell Aliya to hop into the shower and wash her hair . She only has to wash her hair once a week , then I dry it and straighten it . I have to explain how to wash her hair and then rinse it and how to use conditioner and rinse it out . Duh , Laura . . . how would she know this ? I plan to get it dried before supper then straighten it after supper . I get the peppers and onions cut up and sauteing for the early dinner we must have since Mihiretu goes to choir on Wed . nights . Discussion ensues with child who needs some attention from Mom and Dad . ( Totally our fault , by the way ! We should know better . ) Lots of emotion and hugs needed . Aliya gets out of the shower in the middle of this discussion . Discussion ends . . . hugs and more hugs . Stirring peppers and onions , making pasta salad . Aliya , " Mom , can you get me on facebook ? " So I get her on facebook . Mihiretu and Misganaw come in . . . don 't want to be outside anymore . Get the Playdough out . Aliya , " Mom , my friend is trying to talk to me on facebook . HelPosted by Yep , it 's been exactly one month since we brought Aliya home . Honestly , it feels like she 's been with us so much longer than that . I mean that in a good way ! She so naturally fits into our family that her transition has been almost seamless . This is not at all what I had expected . I had expected that with all the things that we 'd been through in the last year , God was preparing us for something even harder . But I was sure wrong ! Blaine and I are so amazed at this girl . She is open with us about things she wants to share with us . She trusts us and knows that we are her family forever . How can a child who has suffered such loss and undergone so many transitions trust us so quickly ? How can she love or even like anyone ? How can she not be bitter and angry and fearful ? How can she not just cling to us for fear of being left alone again ? Where does she get such confidence ? How can she laugh like she has never had a care in the world ? God has healed her heart . Don 't worry , I 'm not naive to the fact that things will come up down the road . We 've seen little things , but absolutely no big things yet . Praise God for the way He worked out for THIS girl to be our daughter . He does know best ! Her English continues to improve each day . Her latest thing she loves to say is , " Dad , do you HEAR ME ? ? " You have to imagine it with her accent and the way she rolls her R 's . She has lots to learn but it is fun to watch her pick things up . Her sense of humor is a strong part of her personality . She cracks us up many times a day . Mostly , on purpose ; ) Sometimes when she 's not trying . She told us that she prayed for a family who had other kids because she really wanted a brother and a sister . I told her , " Well , you got more than that ! " Then she told us that she prayed for a family who was crazy , like her . I told her , " Well , you got that , too ! " She said , " I know ! " You can take that however you want to but what she by that was she wanted a family who could joke around like her . She was often told , " Silence ! " in class or by the house mother in her Posted by I am SO excited that this year , Blaine and I have the privilege of attending the Orphan Summit . Check out the website here http : / / www . christian - alliance - for - orphans . org / summit / The speakers are going to be excellent ! John Piper , Tom Davis , Dr . Karen Purvis , Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman are some of them . I was planning on attending last year when it was in Dallas but then we had the fire so that put a big damper on it ! The breakout sessions look so interesting and informative . We 're bound to gain knowledge on how to better serve and care for orphans . I 'm personally pretty excited to meet and speak to Tom Davis about Korah ! If there is ANY chance of you attending , we 'd LOVE to meet you there . Let me know . . . is anything planning on attending ? ? The dates are April 29 - 30 . . . save the date : - ) Blessings , Laura For some reason lately , blogspot is messed up in regards to posting pictures . The pictures don 't show up so I can write under them . It just shows a milion characters ! Anyone know why this is or how to fix it ? ? Anyway , you can see from the pictures that we had lots of fun over the weekend with our warmer weather ! Blaine wanted to teach Aliya to ride a bike . He had only a little success with this . She tried so hard but kept tipping over . When you 've never ridden a bike , it 's so hard to get the balance put together with the peddling , then there is the steering . Yikes ! We need to get her on a stationary bike first , I think just to get the peddling down . The bike riding turned into a snowball fight . The picture of Blaine throwing a snowball at Aliya 's HEAD , really wasn 't as bad as it appears on the picture ! Click on that one so you can see it up close . Super funny ! Aliya held her own in her first - ever snowball fight . There was lots of laughing and screaming ! The snowball fight turned into the making of a snowman . Isn 't he cute ? 5 kids is the best ! Blessings , Laura We just had a laughing attack at our house . Blaine is working with Aliya on her Algebra ( yes , you read that right . . . Algebra ! ) He just said the word , " Obtuse " and she couldn 't stop laughing ! Then Blaine asked her what a certain angle was and she replied with her Ethiopian accent , " 90 " which sounds like " nine - tee " . Blaine said , " Not 19 . It 's nine - dee . " She said , " That 's what I said ! " Which she did ! By this time we 're all laughing ! Blaine says , " I said Boody trap ! " If you haven 't seen " The Goonies " , there is a kid with an accent who loves to set up booby traps . You may have had to be here for this one ! Sorry , I 'm still laughing ! Her English is getting better but is still quite limited so we have lots of laughs per day . Now he 's teaching her about the word " mean " as it applies to math . Oh , boy ! ! The language slip - ups are hilarious ! I 'll write them down on a daily basis so I can share them with you . This girl cracks us up : - ) Blessings , Laura Thank you for all your prayers for my presentation at our women 's retreat yesterday . It went really well . I wasn 't nervous and actually enjoyed it ! I ran into the main keynote speaker early in the morning and she was quick to point out to me that she was also wearing jeans , ON PURPOSE ! ! Love it ! ! We had a good laugh over that one : - ) I had the opportunity to share at two breakout sessions , 40 minutes each . At the end of the first session , I ended up with an extra 4 minutes and took questions . A woman said , " I have just joined the " persecuted church " team her at our church . I there a person who could be a contact person that we could get regular prayer requests from ? " " Wellllllllllllll , due to the 40 minute time constraint , I didn 't think I had time to get into this , BUT since you asked . . . " And I told them all about Korah and Sammy in the 3 minutes I had left . Now I need to regress in order for the rest to make sense . When we were with Sammy at Korah , he told us some of the many needs they have . One of the things he mentioned was how much they would love to have some music ( instruments ) for their church . After we got home , God got me up in the middle of the night and my eyes opened and I thought , " Music ? ? ? BLAKE ! " I couldn 't wait until Blake woke up the next morning to ask him if he 'd be interested . You see , Blake ( if you don 't already know this ) plays guitar , piano , and whatever else he can get his hands on . He writes music and has been in bands and on worship teams since he was a 6th grader . He LOVES music ! He jumped all over the opportunity to go to Korah , bring a couple guitars and whatever other acoustic instruments they can get their hands on , stay a couple weeks and teach the leaders there at Korah to play . He asked his old bandmate and friend if he would be interested and it was a big , fat YES , so Zach and Blake are going to Korah for a couple weeks in June , this summer ! Ok so now back to the last 3 minutes of my first presentation . After I shared those 3 short minutes about Korah , 2 ladies came up to me and tolPosted by It seem like just yesterday that our Aliya became a member of our family and today , her dad drove her to her first whole day in 7th grade ! How time flies ! She was met by her new friend , who just so HAPPENS to be Ethiopian at the front door today . This girl will take Aliya around and go to all her classes with her . Now just how like God is that to do such a thing ? This girl is also a 7th grader and was adopted 6 years ago . Aliya met her the on Monday and was SO excited to have her as a friend . Thank you , God for setting all this up ! Yesterday , we spent the day at the International Adoption Clinic and things went very well . We had a woman interpreter who stayed with us the whole time . She was so helpful and it was great to get to know her . Aliya doesn 't like doctors or dentists but did very well and it wasn 't near as bad as she had expected . She had lots of blood work ( I mean like 8 vials or so ) . She is one healthy girl and even though she is on the smaller end of normal for her age for height and weight , she is definitely on the ' normal ' size chart . Last night , after Aliya went to bed , Katie wanted to go up to her room and borrow a shirt . Thinking she was fast asleep , she went in and scared Aliya half to death ! Katie came down laughing and telling us the story . This morning , when I woke her up ( early ) for school , she barely had opened her eyes when she said , " I scared ! I scared ! " Thinking I 'd scared her , I said , " I 'm sorry . " She said , " No . . . Katie . " I laughed and told her I had heard about what had happened . Like a flash , she disappeared and I thought she bee lined it to the bathroom . I couldn 't figure out where she 'd gone , but she instantly came up from the basement , telling me of how she had gotten Katie back for what she 'd done to her the night before . When Katie got up , she told me that Aliya had come into her room , switched the light on and then off and RAN , I mean RAN out of there and up the stairs ! Good choice on the running , Miss Aliya . . . you sister is NOT a happy , morning person : - ) Although , I do have to say thaPosted by Aliya 's hair was done with a gentle relaxer and then flat ironed straight . Our stylist said if I brought her most other places , they would do a super relaxer on her hair and it would be so strong and would dry out her hair . She did use 2 tubs of the relaxer because Aliya 's hair was totally natural . I am told when she washes it , it will be curly like a loose perm but she will be able to comb through it . I also use a product that is an oil that protects her hair from the heat of a flat iron . I use it every day , maybe twice to get her hair into a good condition . It will take time since it 's never been taken care of ( for obvious reasons ) . We found a woman who also has the same hair type as Aliya . This is important , I think because you need someone who really GETS it to do it . Aliya is really happy with how it turned out . I 'll tell her you all like it , too ! Remember some months back , I told you that I was asked to speak at our church 's women 's retreat ? Well , it is this Saturday ! I know I 'm letting you know sort of late , as is my style ; ) but I did want to put it out there just in case some of you would be able to make it . It begins at 8 : 30 and goes until 2 : 00 . I 'm sorry I don 't know much about how things work , since it 's my first time attending a women 's retreat . But I know there is food , a brunch I guess . The cost is $ 15 . If you are interested in coming , please call 952 - 432 - 7168 . The church is located in Burnsville . I speak during 2 sessions : 11 : 15 ( this one is full ) and 12 : 45 . They are 40 minutes long . I 'm trying to get it all figured out what I 'm going to say exactly . Blaine is getting my power point ( just pictures . . . worth a thousand words , you know ! ) done tonight so I can practice and get it all together . I was wisely reminded that God used Moses , even though he wasn 't an eloquent speaker . I also , am NOT an eloquent speaker but I do trust that God will use our story to bless and encourage others . Pray for me ! ! ! ! ! And yes , I 'm still going in jeans ! I 'm there to be real ( which I personally think is lacking in the churcPosted by We thought our family was complete with our son and daughter but God had different plans for our family . God showed me in a dream that He wanted us to adopt two kids from Addis Ababa , Ethiopia . After they were home for three years , we adopted and brought home our daughter , Aliya Tarikwa , at age 14 . Through many challenges we have learned just how much we need the Lord every day . He has been faithful to our family and we are very blessed . I mainly write this blog for me . Writing helps me sort things out . If others learn something from reading it , then I am doubly blessed ! View my complete profile
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She did it ! Aliya learned to ride a bike ! Blaine took her on Saturday and bought it . . . her first ever bike . She has been working hard to get the peddling down with keeping her head up to watch where she 's going , and then there is the steering . So many things to remember ! She began doing better when , left to her own devices , she decided to try on the grass , starting at the top of a gradual hill . This worked well . Then , last night as I was walking to my neighbors ' for a basket party , Blaine had her in the street and she took off on her own , doing great I might add ! I got home after she was in bed so she didn 't get to show me , but I heard all about it . A car was coming and she ever so slowly , swerved and went off the road and down into a 3 foot ditch . She went head over heals and when she came up , she was completely covered with mud ! Blaine said she got really mad , took off her jacket and threw it on the ground ! I was concerned that she 'd never want to ride that bike again . But it seems that she just got right back on and tried again . That 's my resilient girl ! ! She had to show me her big bandaid this morning ! This morning , after Blaine had taken her to school and I was making breakfast for the little boys , the phone rang . It was Aliya 's school . Actually , it was ALIYA ! Me - " Hello . " Aliya ( in a frantic , breathless voice ) - " Mom , do you see my hormwork ? " ( I 'm going to do the accent ! ) Me - " Where is it ? " Aliya - " I don 't know ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! It is my mott and scieeeeeeence ! ! QUEEK ! ! QUEEK ! ! ! ! ! " Me - " Here it is , right on the buffet . " Aliya - " MOM , QUEEEEEEK ! Please , can you bring it ? ? ? ? QUEEEEEEEEKK ! ! " Me - " Yes , I will bring it as soon as I can . " Aliya - " Oh , mom ! QUEEEEEEEEK ! ! ! QUUUUEEEEEEEEEKKKKKK ! " ( This is quick if you haven 't figured it out ) I load up the boys and run her homework to her school . She 's waiting in the Dean 's office . I hand it to her and she RUNS back to class . As I look into the Dean 's office , one of the deans is laughing his head off ! I can just imagine her coming to the deans office for help this morning . " Please call myPosted by Aliiya told us how much she LOVED dogs while we were still in Ethiopia . I thought if we just ignored the topic , it just might go away ! I 'm going out on a limb here saying this on a public blog but I 'm not a big dog fan . SORRY to all the dog lovers who read this blog : ( Horses , I completely adore ! I had a pony growing up and they were some of the very best years of my life . When Blake was a little boy , he was afraid of dogs . Well , I wasn 't going to have a boy who cringed when a dog approached him so I gave in to Blaine 's request to get a puppy . It was for the betterment of my son , after all . I agreed but on the condition that I was not going to clean up the messes in the house caused by this dog . Maggie was a Brittany and ended up being a great dog and friend to the kids for many years . It took her several years to mellow out ( and I mean years ! ) . She bolted away at every chance she got . Her nose drove her to do this . It drove me nuts , having to get in the car and search for her , worry when she didn 't come home at night . Did she get hit by a car and how would the kids handle this ? Well , she ALWAYS came home . Sometimes she had found some dead fish to roll in and one time she found a dead dear that must have been full of gravel because that 's what came out of her all day after she came home . Can I say YUCK ? And through all of this , guess who cleaned up the messes ? Guess who fed her every day ? That 's right , ME ! Katie will tell you that I loved Maggie and cried when she had to be put down . Love is a strong word that to me , can only be used when talking about another person . Dogs are not people . . . but I did like Maggie , sometimes a lot : ) So my daughter wants a dog . She doesn 't yet know that her mom is a big pushover and will give in . She said to me yesterday when I picked her up from school , " Mom , when I get a poopy ( puppy ! ) , will you bring her with you to school when you pick me up ? " Last night , she told me that she was praying for a poopy and God told her , " Yes . " I told her He needed to tell me , " Yes " . She wants an answer rigPosted by I am so quick to forget the hilarious things Misganaw says on a daily basis but this one , I have to write down so I don 't forget . At lunch today , Misganaw looked at me and asked me , " Mom , do you want to be a princess ? " I said , " Yes , I do . " He said , " If you were a princess , what kind of princess would you like to be ? " I said , " A pretty , pink princess . " To this he replied , " Know what kind of princess I would be ? " Me , a tad concerned what the answer to this might be , said , " What kind of princess would you be ? " He scrunches up his face and whispers , " Spider Man . Or Batman ! " I told him that those weren 't princesses but superheroes . Phew ! " Yep , that 's what I want to be . . . a superhero ! " I don 't know about a superhero but Misganaw , you ARE super funny ! Blessings , Laura Before we brought Aliya home , Blaine and I took a weekend and went away to our cabin for a weekend . Remember , Katie gave us the weekend of babysitting for our Christmas present ? When we went away , we made up a list of how we were going to spend time equally with each child in our home . We didn 't want anyone to feel left out so we thought we 'd be deliberate about it . Thinking ahead . . . not usually my strong suit . Note to self : following through . . . also not my strong suit . Well , we made this list but then we failed to follow it . We know the upheaval that bringing a new child into a family causes , even when that child is wonderfully behaved and the perfect fit . Everyone must re - find their place in the family because everyones place and role changes in some way . It is stressful and needs to be worked out but it 's necessary and normal . So now we are working on that list again . . . not writing it but doing it . I thought you might enjoy seeing this little one hour snapshot into the life of our integrating family . All this happened between 4 - 5pm yesterday . I tell Aliya to hop into the shower and wash her hair . She only has to wash her hair once a week , then I dry it and straighten it . I have to explain how to wash her hair and then rinse it and how to use conditioner and rinse it out . Duh , Laura . . . how would she know this ? I plan to get it dried before supper then straighten it after supper . I get the peppers and onions cut up and sauteing for the early dinner we must have since Mihiretu goes to choir on Wed . nights . Discussion ensues with child who needs some attention from Mom and Dad . ( Totally our fault , by the way ! We should know better . ) Lots of emotion and hugs needed . Aliya gets out of the shower in the middle of this discussion . Discussion ends . . . hugs and more hugs . Stirring peppers and onions , making pasta salad . Aliya , " Mom , can you get me on facebook ? " So I get her on facebook . Mihiretu and Misganaw come in . . . don 't want to be outside anymore . Get the Playdough out . Aliya , " Mom , my friend is trying to talk to me on facebook . HelPosted by Yep , it 's been exactly one month since we brought Aliya home . Honestly , it feels like she 's been with us so much longer than that . I mean that in a good way ! She so naturally fits into our family that her transition has been almost seamless . This is not at all what I had expected . I had expected that with all the things that we 'd been through in the last year , God was preparing us for something even harder . But I was sure wrong ! Blaine and I are so amazed at this girl . She is open with us about things she wants to share with us . She trusts us and knows that we are her family forever . How can a child who has suffered such loss and undergone so many transitions trust us so quickly ? How can she love or even like anyone ? How can she not be bitter and angry and fearful ? How can she not just cling to us for fear of being left alone again ? Where does she get such confidence ? How can she laugh like she has never had a care in the world ? God has healed her heart . Don 't worry , I 'm not naive to the fact that things will come up down the road . We 've seen little things , but absolutely no big things yet . Praise God for the way He worked out for THIS girl to be our daughter . He does know best ! Her English continues to improve each day . Her latest thing she loves to say is , " Dad , do you HEAR ME ? ? " You have to imagine it with her accent and the way she rolls her R 's . She has lots to learn but it is fun to watch her pick things up . Her sense of humor is a strong part of her personality . She cracks us up many times a day . Mostly , on purpose ; ) Sometimes when she 's not trying . She told us that she prayed for a family who had other kids because she really wanted a brother and a sister . I told her , " Well , you got more than that ! " Then she told us that she prayed for a family who was crazy , like her . I told her , " Well , you got that , too ! " She said , " I know ! " You can take that however you want to but what she by that was she wanted a family who could joke around like her . She was often told , " Silence ! " in class or by the house mother in her Posted by I am SO excited that this year , Blaine and I have the privilege of attending the Orphan Summit . Check out the website here http : / / www . christian - alliance - for - orphans . org / summit / The speakers are going to be excellent ! John Piper , Tom Davis , Dr . Karen Purvis , Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman are some of them . I was planning on attending last year when it was in Dallas but then we had the fire so that put a big damper on it ! The breakout sessions look so interesting and informative . We 're bound to gain knowledge on how to better serve and care for orphans . I 'm personally pretty excited to meet and speak to Tom Davis about Korah ! If there is ANY chance of you attending , we 'd LOVE to meet you there . Let me know . . . is anything planning on attending ? ? The dates are April 29 - 30 . . . save the date : - ) Blessings , Laura For some reason lately , blogspot is messed up in regards to posting pictures . The pictures don 't show up so I can write under them . It just shows a milion characters ! Anyone know why this is or how to fix it ? ? Anyway , you can see from the pictures that we had lots of fun over the weekend with our warmer weather ! Blaine wanted to teach Aliya to ride a bike . He had only a little success with this . She tried so hard but kept tipping over . When you 've never ridden a bike , it 's so hard to get the balance put together with the peddling , then there is the steering . Yikes ! We need to get her on a stationary bike first , I think just to get the peddling down . The bike riding turned into a snowball fight . The picture of Blaine throwing a snowball at Aliya 's HEAD , really wasn 't as bad as it appears on the picture ! Click on that one so you can see it up close . Super funny ! Aliya held her own in her first - ever snowball fight . There was lots of laughing and screaming ! The snowball fight turned into the making of a snowman . Isn 't he cute ? 5 kids is the best ! Blessings , Laura We just had a laughing attack at our house . Blaine is working with Aliya on her Algebra ( yes , you read that right . . . Algebra ! ) He just said the word , " Obtuse " and she couldn 't stop laughing ! Then Blaine asked her what a certain angle was and she replied with her Ethiopian accent , " 90 " which sounds like " nine - tee " . Blaine said , " Not 19 . It 's nine - dee . " She said , " That 's what I said ! " Which she did ! By this time we 're all laughing ! Blaine says , " I said Boody trap ! " If you haven 't seen " The Goonies " , there is a kid with an accent who loves to set up booby traps . You may have had to be here for this one ! Sorry , I 'm still laughing ! Her English is getting better but is still quite limited so we have lots of laughs per day . Now he 's teaching her about the word " mean " as it applies to math . Oh , boy ! ! The language slip - ups are hilarious ! I 'll write them down on a daily basis so I can share them with you . This girl cracks us up : - ) Blessings , Laura Thank you for all your prayers for my presentation at our women 's retreat yesterday . It went really well . I wasn 't nervous and actually enjoyed it ! I ran into the main keynote speaker early in the morning and she was quick to point out to me that she was also wearing jeans , ON PURPOSE ! ! Love it ! ! We had a good laugh over that one : - ) I had the opportunity to share at two breakout sessions , 40 minutes each . At the end of the first session , I ended up with an extra 4 minutes and took questions . A woman said , " I have just joined the " persecuted church " team her at our church . I there a person who could be a contact person that we could get regular prayer requests from ? " " Wellllllllllllll , due to the 40 minute time constraint , I didn 't think I had time to get into this , BUT since you asked . . . " And I told them all about Korah and Sammy in the 3 minutes I had left . Now I need to regress in order for the rest to make sense . When we were with Sammy at Korah , he told us some of the many needs they have . One of the things he mentioned was how much they would love to have some music ( instruments ) for their church . After we got home , God got me up in the middle of the night and my eyes opened and I thought , " Music ? ? ? BLAKE ! " I couldn 't wait until Blake woke up the next morning to ask him if he 'd be interested . You see , Blake ( if you don 't already know this ) plays guitar , piano , and whatever else he can get his hands on . He writes music and has been in bands and on worship teams since he was a 6th grader . He LOVES music ! He jumped all over the opportunity to go to Korah , bring a couple guitars and whatever other acoustic instruments they can get their hands on , stay a couple weeks and teach the leaders there at Korah to play . He asked his old bandmate and friend if he would be interested and it was a big , fat YES , so Zach and Blake are going to Korah for a couple weeks in June , this summer ! Ok so now back to the last 3 minutes of my first presentation . After I shared those 3 short minutes about Korah , 2 ladies came up to me and tolPosted by It seem like just yesterday that our Aliya became a member of our family and today , her dad drove her to her first whole day in 7th grade ! How time flies ! She was met by her new friend , who just so HAPPENS to be Ethiopian at the front door today . This girl will take Aliya around and go to all her classes with her . Now just how like God is that to do such a thing ? This girl is also a 7th grader and was adopted 6 years ago . Aliya met her the on Monday and was SO excited to have her as a friend . Thank you , God for setting all this up ! Yesterday , we spent the day at the International Adoption Clinic and things went very well . We had a woman interpreter who stayed with us the whole time . She was so helpful and it was great to get to know her . Aliya doesn 't like doctors or dentists but did very well and it wasn 't near as bad as she had expected . She had lots of blood work ( I mean like 8 vials or so ) . She is one healthy girl and even though she is on the smaller end of normal for her age for height and weight , she is definitely on the ' normal ' size chart . Last night , after Aliya went to bed , Katie wanted to go up to her room and borrow a shirt . Thinking she was fast asleep , she went in and scared Aliya half to death ! Katie came down laughing and telling us the story . This morning , when I woke her up ( early ) for school , she barely had opened her eyes when she said , " I scared ! I scared ! " Thinking I 'd scared her , I said , " I 'm sorry . " She said , " No . . . Katie . " I laughed and told her I had heard about what had happened . Like a flash , she disappeared and I thought she bee lined it to the bathroom . I couldn 't figure out where she 'd gone , but she instantly came up from the basement , telling me of how she had gotten Katie back for what she 'd done to her the night before . When Katie got up , she told me that Aliya had come into her room , switched the light on and then off and RAN , I mean RAN out of there and up the stairs ! Good choice on the running , Miss Aliya . . . you sister is NOT a happy , morning person : - ) Although , I do have to say thaPosted by Aliya 's hair was done with a gentle relaxer and then flat ironed straight . Our stylist said if I brought her most other places , they would do a super relaxer on her hair and it would be so strong and would dry out her hair . She did use 2 tubs of the relaxer because Aliya 's hair was totally natural . I am told when she washes it , it will be curly like a loose perm but she will be able to comb through it . I also use a product that is an oil that protects her hair from the heat of a flat iron . I use it every day , maybe twice to get her hair into a good condition . It will take time since it 's never been taken care of ( for obvious reasons ) . We found a woman who also has the same hair type as Aliya . This is important , I think because you need someone who really GETS it to do it . Aliya is really happy with how it turned out . I 'll tell her you all like it , too ! Remember some months back , I told you that I was asked to speak at our church 's women 's retreat ? Well , it is this Saturday ! I know I 'm letting you know sort of late , as is my style ; ) but I did want to put it out there just in case some of you would be able to make it . It begins at 8 : 30 and goes until 2 : 00 . I 'm sorry I don 't know much about how things work , since it 's my first time attending a women 's retreat . But I know there is food , a brunch I guess . The cost is $ 15 . If you are interested in coming , please call 952 - 432 - 7168 . The church is located in Burnsville . I speak during 2 sessions : 11 : 15 ( this one is full ) and 12 : 45 . They are 40 minutes long . I 'm trying to get it all figured out what I 'm going to say exactly . Blaine is getting my power point ( just pictures . . . worth a thousand words , you know ! ) done tonight so I can practice and get it all together . I was wisely reminded that God used Moses , even though he wasn 't an eloquent speaker . I also , am NOT an eloquent speaker but I do trust that God will use our story to bless and encourage others . Pray for me ! ! ! ! ! And yes , I 'm still going in jeans ! I 'm there to be real ( which I personally think is lacking in the churcPosted by We thought our family was complete with our son and daughter but God had different plans for our family . God showed me in a dream that He wanted us to adopt two kids from Addis Ababa , Ethiopia . After they were home for three years , we adopted and brought home our daughter , Aliya Tarikwa , at age 14 . Through many challenges we have learned just how much we need the Lord every day . He has been faithful to our family and we are very blessed . I mainly write this blog for me . Writing helps me sort things out . If others learn something from reading it , then I am doubly blessed ! View my complete profile
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Welcome to Celebfanforum . If this is your first visit feel free to take a look around . You may have to register before you can access more areas of the board and / or if you 'd like to contribute to the community . Otherwise enjoy your stay . - TPG I for one was buried in Friends memories that day . And in two of the friends the previous night . But we 'll get to that . We need a lot of setup first - much like a pilot , really . Let 's start by establishing that I was six years old when the Friends pilot premiered . Let 's further explain that 20 years later , I was serving people in an LA coffee shop . And no , it wasn 't Friends based - despite how both Jennifer Aniston and Courteney Cox drank there . That 's the important thing since that 's how I knew them . Sometimes I served them separately , other times they came together . It was less frequently together during a stretch in the first half of 2014 . According to the tabloids , they were feuding while in the midst of their separate engagements - and from what they later told me , it wasn 't that far from the truth . Yet by June , I started seeing them come in together again . It 's not like I didn 't know every little detail , big event or running gag anyway . It was one of the shows big enough that you don 't actually have to watch to know everything about . I was in the middle of explaining that when Jennifer and Courteney shared a look , and then suggested I should see the pilot anyway . I should have suspected what else was coming right then . But we 'll get to that too . There 's still some more pilot - y exposition to get through . " So back then I was about five times older than you . Now it 's just less than half , " Courteney did the math . " I feel younger after all . " " I was just four times older back then , so there you go , " Jennifer pointed out . " Ah , things really were simpler then , though . Even in those first few years . The work , the laughs , the days when no one had Twitter , TMZ or iClouds … . " She then did a kind of sitcom - y pause , as if waiting for some bigger punchline . " Right , right , " Jennifer agreed , as if I wasn 't even listening . " Boy , we all know there were times we really needed those ! All the times we really needed to get our minds off things . And onto different cocks . And people attached who were too grateful to blab about it . " " But then again , the pre - TMZ days really limited their options , " Courteney went on . She looked at me once in a while , yet it was still hard to believe they were really talking to me . As if this was such a casual thing to talk about , like they would in thousands of interviews . " We slowed down when our love lives and Twitter stock took off . And when we … . had a rough patch or two , " Courteney admitted . " But now we got past it at just the right time . " " She 's right . We 're both getting married soon , and we made it through 20 years of friendship . And the tabloid and sex stuff to go with it , " Jennifer said . " If ever there was a time to be nostalgic for those old days … . and recapture them one more time before we try settling down again … . this is the best night possible . " " Hold on , " I accidentally said out loud . But I was too busy putting the pieces together to take note . All this scandalous talk , inviting me over when no one else was around , making sure I arrived when everyone was long gone … . the very premise of inviting a near stranger to a movie star / TV icon 's home with her TV icon best friend … . " Oh , " I let out . I knew I should have done better than that . But to buy time , I asked , " Why me ? Luck of being on the right shift ? " " I watch Cougar Town , though , " I informed Courteney . " Does that count for or against me ? " I wondered . I hoped her laughter was a good sign . Wait , so now I was hoping for … . " You were already ahead , don 't worry , " Jennifer assured . " I mean , if this was 15 years ago , you 'd be a dime a dozen . But after all these years , all the wear and tear … . to still get guys just like you interested , who don 't even know us best from Friends … . that 's a confidence builder to recapture old times with if there ever was one . " " And … . what makes you think I 'm interested like that ? " I found myself asking . I barely had time to take this in or think this over , so her answer stood to be helpful . " You 're still here , aren 't you ? " Jennifer noted . " It 's getting obvious how much you want to be here , " she went on , her eyes gazing down at me . I looked down at myself and saw the proof growing underneath my pants . " Well … . it still might not be for the right reasons , " I babbled . Perhaps this was a poor attempt to be playful , even if it sounded like I was trying to talk her out of it . " With your offer , I could be like this no matter who you guys are . Or what age you are . Or what I know you from . " Jennifer just smiled , which shut up all my objections , serious or not . Since she wasn 't talking and I had shut up , I just looked at her . The way she looked at me , and the way she sat next to me in her white shirt and tight blue jeans was … . cute , pretty and sexy all at the same time . It made sense . Once I looked back up at her face , it clicked . There was no more need for jokes , exposition or adding . Jennifer and Courteney wanted to celebrate this big day for them with me … . and with each other too , apparently . So be it . While I was bare chested , she still revealed a purple bra underneath . It still revealed and pushed up her enduring chest pretty well . Below , I put my hands on her waist and started rubbing her smooth , still taut skin , until I went down to the top of her pants . " On it , " Jennifer stated , getting on her feet to start working on her pants . Once she was able to slide them down , I could see a matching pair of pink panties before I focused more on her exposed legs . She stepped out of the pants and then went right back on my lap , feeling just how impressed I was now . Without warning , I put my right hand above her underwear and carefully moved to dip my fingers in . When Jennifer didn 't tell or signal me to stop , I dipped them deeper , brushed past her hair and went lower to brush her center . At the same time , my left hand went onto her bra and cupped her covered , soft left breast before reaching over to the back . It reached its destination as Jennifer shook off her bra , showing her breasts in full . They had to be on the borderline of a C - cup , even now . Either way , I latched my mouth onto her stiff right nipple , as my right hand rubbed her pussy deeper and my left hand went down her back . I was feeling up her pussy and ass and sucking her breasts by the time I heard a groan nearby . It helped me remember Courteney was there too . But she made herself harder to forget when I saw how her hand was down her skirt . " Don 't stop on my account . Don 't you fucking dare , " Courteney told me , before gasping out her next few sounds . She was playing with herself harder while I was playing with Jennifer at the same speed . I stopped and had Jennifer go back on the couch , then I kneeled down in front of it and her . She then had to lift her hips up so I could take her panties down , leaving her completely naked . Seeing a naked Jennifer Aniston naked and hungry for me only made me spread her legs and dig in harder . It helped me ignore the uncomfortable hardness in my much more confining jeans . It did seem unfair that she was the only one exposed like this so far . Maybe Courteney would have to take things off before long as she pleasured herself to us . At the rate I was going , she 'd have to hurry up . My right fingers switched back and forth between rubbing Jennifer 's pussy , fingering it and teasing her up above . My left hand mainly worked on her nipples , however . Combined with my tongue on her , and how I sucked on her a few other times , it didn 't matter . " Oh , shit ! Does happen once in a while , Court ! God , it 's gonna happen real soon … . " Jennifer gritted out . " Come on , I 've been ready all day … . fuck me right now … . " " No ! Just that 'll do , " Courteney answered for Jennifer . " I may not finish before her , but you 're not finishing early either . Not till I get a chance to make you , " she teased . " But first , I want to see her cum again … . make her cum and set the bar for me . On both of you . " I tried by sitting up and letting Courteney see me insert two fingers into Jennifer - who clearly saw it too . They watched and both groaned , for different reasons , while I wiggled and fucked my fingers inside of Jen . In addition , my left hand took its time cupping and massaging underneath her bouncing breasts . " Oh damn , look at her … . just as I remember , " Courteney got out . She then stood up and got her skirt down , showing us both her black panties underneath - which she shoved her right hand into . " Jen … . " she moaned as she and I moved our fingers faster . " Court … . " Jennifer cried out . To make sure she didn 't forget me , I bent down to deeply suck and nibble her left breast , as I curled my fingers . " Oh , Goddamnit … . " She reacted . Her hips rose up and thrust against my fingers , even as I pressed against her and tongued her nipple . I looked back and forth between Jennifer and a still standing up , still masturbating Courteney , just as Jennifer kept looking between us . One of them would have to go off first from all these combined sights , sounds and feels . I had one last ditch effort to make sure it was Jennifer . It involved quickly kissing and sucking both breasts , then dipping back down , fucking her harder with my fingers , and then putting my mouth back on her . After several seconds of rapid tongue and lip work , it paid off . " Oh fuck , here I … . fuck ! " Jennifer cursed , sounding too hot for must see TV . Her cumming on my mouth wouldn 't have gotten by the censors anyway , even in pre Janet Jackson nipple - gate days . Neither would Courteney bending down and fingering herself harder at the sight of it . I took it and then promptly felt that hand , and the wet finger it contained , brush my lips . I got to taste a bit of Courteney this time before she pulled it away and said , " I guess I didn 't really taste you back there . Let 's go upstairs and fix that . " " Not quite . Jen , whenever you 're ready , come up and help me the rest of the way . You started it , you should help end it , " Courteney said . " By that logic , you should help end his first round too , but I called dibs . " Just as I sat down on the front of the bed , Courteney had already dropped our clothes in a pile , and thrown her shirt right onto it . Like Jennifer , she had a matching bra and panty set , only hers was black . And at 50 years old , she too revealed a body that many half her age would have killed for and spent a lot of money on . Once my cock finally popped out , Courteney wasted no time getting a hand on it . I still got myself to back up so Courteney could get on the bed , then she laid herself in front of me . Putting a hand back on my cock , she settled down and slowly licked up to my underside , which she quickly pressed her lips against . She came off and slowly kissed and licked down my cock , making a visual show of it . My hips involuntarily went up , a sure sign I would be going off pretty soon . However , Courteney put her hand on my balls and tugged them just right enough to make me come off the edge , without cumming . She sucked me deeply , then just used her tongue over my head and tip . She started stroking me as she came off , stuck her tongue out and let me see it work my head . After that , she bent down to take my balls into her mouth while her fingers stroked my head - but her other hand soon went back on my sack to keep it under control . Courteney was being fucked from both ends now , which had to get her closer than I was on my end . It just had to . Especially since me and Jennifer did inspire her to get a head start , after all . She started quick and then finally finished quick , as she popped off me and groaned long and hard . Jennifer sunk her fingers in all the way as her friend came around them . all while Courteney squeezed my cock with her right hand . Courteney breathed heavily on me , which still wasn 't quite enough . Her grip loosened , then came off altogether - only for Jennifer to take its place . After she licked her right hand clean , of course . She put her left hand back on Courteney 's head as it went down on me again , sucking my head as Jennifer pumped my shaft . But Jennifer let go long enough for Courteney to sink her mouth all the way down . " Fuck , fuck , fuck , " I repeated as Courteney gave me the deep throating of my life . She slowly slid her mouth up and made sure my cock was nice , wet and just about set to pop . When she came off and caught her breath , Jennifer used Courteney 's saliva to help her pump me the rest of the way . Breathless , I couldn 't even warn them as Courteney 's mouth went back on my head . She licked my head and tip , then opened her mouth to catch the first spurts of my cum . Jennifer stopped pumping and watched me shoot into Courteney 's open mouth , which caught each shot from my cannon . Once I heard Courteney sit up , I looked up in time to see something that certain fans must have imagined for 20 years . But apparently , Jennifer and Courteney making out was nothing really new . In fact , it might not have been the first time Jennifer devoured Courteney 's mouth after it swallowed someone 's cum . But she swallowed my cum . And I was the one seeing this . Maybe I wasn 't the first ever to see it , and maybe some would argue I 'd have been more turned on 10 or 15 years ago . But I was seeing it now , and it was plenty hot now . I rolled out of the way as Jennifer got Courteney on her back . " Jesus , it 's even better … . " Jennifer trailed off , not clearing up what it was . It could probably be so many hot things . The hottest thing of the moment was Jennifer getting Courteney 's bra off , then going down on her left breast . I gaped at Courteney 's tits and Jennifer 's oral work , at least enough for Jennifer to notice and wave me over . " Go on , " she said , muffled by the breast in her mouth . Jennifer broke from Courteney 's chest to go forward and hover hers over her head . Courteney leaned up to suckle Jennifer 's breasts , while I stayed to tease and kiss her neck and collar bone . I soon looked down to see myself kneading her breast , and saw her thigh clench together underneath Jennifer as well . She kissed me just as I really let this all wash over me . I was lying naked , in between two famous , naked , gorgeous older women who knew exactly what they were doing . Like with Jennifer kissing down my face as Courteney nibbled and sucked on my ear before going back on my lips , for instance . Before I got too lost in their kisses , I said , " Let me sit up , please … . " When I could , I got myself to kneel in front of Jennifer and Courteney , who were now sitting up side by side . This was perfect for me to take both these chests in my hands , as I went back and forth between kissing each of them . We all sat up , looked at each other and got more hot and bothered as I fingered them both . But it was Jennifer I went over to kiss first , our tongues dipping into each other 's mouths . I still remembered to pump her between her legs , and even Courteney 's - even as she moved down to take Jennifer 's right tit in her mouth . I went down to suck her left , trying my best to keep fucking each of them . Jennifer moaned regardless , though maybe it also helped to have Courteney moaning on her chest . I looked at her suckle and use her lips , teeth and tongue all over Jennifer 's tit , and she saw me do the same to the left . We both moaned on Jennifer 's nipples , then turned to start kissing and Frenching each other . As we sat up straight again and my finger went faster into Courteney , Jennifer went down to suck her friend 's tit . But she also had room to put her hand onto my growing shaft . Now we were all stroking each other , breathing heavily and trying to kiss as many breasts and mouths as possible . Yet Jennifer 's attention went to my cock . " Okay , I gotta see what this is all about , " she declared , getting me on my back again and forcing my hands off both pussies . She took it upon herself to take her turn in sucking my cock , with a fair amount of vigor . Jennifer sucked me down eagerly and quickly , humming and sucking deep on my head . But although she already had a turn , Courteney got into position to have a second go at it . It was Courteney 's turn to go on her back , and Jennifer 's turn to go down and start eating her . But she promptly made room for me , and soon it was me and her performing oral sex at the same time . When we had enough of licking each side of Courteney 's pussy , we kissed each other to combine the taste . For now , I took my turn in eating out Courteney , with Jennifer sitting back to watch . " Oh … . oh , I knew that mouth looked good down on Jennifer … . but this … . " Courteney moaned instead of finishing with words . For that , I dipped my tongue under her clit and rapidly batted it around . " No , it 's time for you to fuck me with something bigger , " Jennifer hinted . " Court got railed from both ends , now it 's my turn . Only I get your cock back there . " There was no misinterpreting that . I got on my feet and in front of the bed , as well as Jennifer 's now raised , peachy backside . I hadn 't gotten a good look at it before , but I 'd have my fill now . Yet Jennifer would get impatient for me to do more than that in a second . I lined my cock up at her pussy while Jennifer kept eating Courteney 's . My shaft entered Jennifer as Courteney looked up to watch the action . Between Jennifer 's tongue work and me starting to fuck her at the same time , Courteney was getting even more flushed . " Go on , fuck her . I 'll try to keep up with you , " Courteney offered , raising her hips up on Jennifer 's face . I sank my cock deeper into Jennifer in response , making her moan harder on Courteney . Soon Courteney 's hips and mine were rotating and grinding in front and in back of Jennifer - - although I was doing a bit more than that . I drove myself harder against Jennifer 's hips , watching her shapely ass jiggle and push back . Her entirely shapely body was moving around in some way , with her head burying itself between Courteney 's legs . While Jennifer cursed and groaned into her pussy , however , Courteney moaned clearer and darted her eyes between Jennifer and me . She seemed to settle on me , which took me by surprise . Yet I fucked Jennifer faster and deeper , looking right at Courteney nonetheless . She hissed and fucked Jennifer 's face hard enough that I thought she 'd pop in no time . " Really ? " Jennifer looked up , obviously not ready to catch her breath yet . However , a look from Courteney was enough to quiet Jennifer and make her come off the both of us . I was amazed , yet Courteney didn 't give me much time for it as she pulled me back into bed . I settled on top of her in time for her to kiss me , deeply at first but gradually slower . This helped the both of us cool down - or at least myself - so we could ease into actual fucking and perhaps make it last longer than a minute . Once I inserted myself in her and started rocking , it was so far , so good . " That 's it , fuck her … . " I heard in a virtual echo . But it was just Jennifer sitting nearby - and fingering herself since we weren 't doing it for her . Once again , I was performing while someone was fingering herself to me . And the other woman too . If it didn 't throw me off last time , it shouldn 't do so now . Especially once Courteney distracted me by kissing me and putting her hands on my ass . She let her hands roam all over my back and body , actually . She let them go under my chest as she kissed my chin and neck , tweaking my nipples and going down to my abs . I almost thought she would play with herself down below to match Jennifer , yet her hands stayed on me . However , her eyes went back to Jennifer as she fucked herself louder , judging by her groans . It seemed all of us had been pretty fickle during this whole thing , really . And sure enough , Courteney went from fondling me to watching Jennifer fill her own pussy . " All right , break 's over , " Courteney informed . I sighed and figured this meant my work was done for now . But Courteney looked at me to say , " Just sit up and carry on . " " Fuck , that 's all I need … . " Jennifer hissed . Nevertheless , I tried to top myself by letting my left hand go down to her ass . I held onto her left tit and put her nipple in between my fingers , all as I squeezed her ass and Courteney kept eating her in front . In between , I still managed to fuck Courteney a bit too . " Oh fuck … . aw … oh , I just gotta ! " Jennifer yelled , then turned her head to me . " I 'm so sorry , you gotta get outta there ! Jack off and finish on us or something , just … . oh , mother , come on ! " That last frustrated command could have been directed at either of us , for any reason . But I had no choice to assume it was me . So with my remaining self control , I gave Courteney just two more deep thrusts and took myself out of her . " Thanks ! " Jennifer was courteous enough to tell me , before turning around and diving her head between Courteney 's legs . It didn 't take long for them to settle into a sixty - nine , which would likely take them the rest of the way home . As for me , it appeared I 'd have to do it myself . All I did was warm them up , and now they were handling it themselves . Which was how I 'd have to do it too , apparently - only without a partner . I put my hand on my cock and went to work , focusing on them almost as much as they focused on each other 's pussies . They were lost in their own world of getting each other off , so I would do the same . Only they had a much bigger head start and a lot more help . Then again , they were being more than helpful even if they weren 't touching me . They were definitely helping each other get to the finish line . The louder they got on each other , the more I knew I wouldn 't be far behind . Jennifer 's ass shook violently over Courteney 's face , so it seemed she was the first to go . Courteney moaned and slurped hungrily , causing Jennifer to shake her head all over the pussy below her . When Courteney 's legs started going up , it was clear she was the runner up . That only left me bringing up the rear , while staring at Jennifer 's . My right hand pumped and teased my cock , and I got desperate enough to use my left on my balls . Unlike Courteney , I was working my balls to make them completely drained . I closed my hand over myself right on time , letting myself cum on my hand . Jennifer had invited me to cum on them , yet there wasn 't much to aim at but her back at the moment . And I didn 't want to leak too much on her sheets , since I was still technically her guest . Jennifer got herself off Courteney in time for both of them to watch me finish . When I composed myself , I saw just how drenched my right hand was , and how I 'd indeed start leaking on the sheets any second . But before I did , Jennifer got a hold of me . That made me collapse on my back , as my so - called youthful energy was drying up . Neither Jennifer nor Courteney said anything to me , even after I stopped hearing them kiss . Soon , they laid down on each side of me , but there was still nothing to say . I couldn 't look at them quite yet . I would never look at them the same way again , in real life or TV - and it would certainly make my first Friends binge watching session much odder than it would have been . But I didn 't want to get a head start on that awkwardness yet . For their part , they didn 't speak to me either . Maybe it was taking them a while to remember I was there . After their show , it was somewhat understandable . When they got out of bed , I briefly thought they were getting ready to leave . Before I got too disappointed , I saw them just stretching and standing near the bed . I rolled over and sat up , now seeing the two standing side by side and still naked together . I had no verbal answer for her or Jennifer . I just let myself watch them , really seeing them both in full view together for the first time . I had my chance to appreciate them individually , but like this … . seeing every inch of their still sexy , still envious bodies together , knowing that time to ogle them like this was running out … . It was Courteney who stepped back as Jennifer took over kissing and rubbing against me . But she returned to nibble my ear as Jennifer went down and kissed me lower . She got on her knees and started licking my still recovering cock , while Courteney kissed my lips and I got my hands back on her . Courteney took her chest off me and kissed down my neck , stopping at my right nipple . She played with it and sucked it while Jennifer slowly kissed up to the other side of my chest . When she got back on her feet and went to my right side , Courteney had room to kneel and take over duties on my cock . Courteney popped off my cock , licked it thoroughly , then came back on her feet and took over kissing me . Both of them went back and forth on me for several seconds at a time , then Jennifer took over and made me sit on the edge of the bed . She soon joined me and rested on my lap . Jennifer and I just moaned softly , with her riding me and my hands going all over her body . Courteney took her fingers out and sucked them , then put two back in deeper than before , which I watched as intently as I could . Between her and Jennifer 's ride , my eyesight was pretty crowded . I focused on Jennifer long enough to rub her pussy and hold her ass while she wrapped her arms around me . When I rested my head on her shoulder , I focused on Courteney long enough to see her finger herself standing with both hands . Although Jennifer was fucking me and my revived cock , Courteney was making herself louder . Jennifer huffed , but rid me a few extra seconds before coming off me . Yet she bent down to suck me off , tasting herself and getting me extra wet for Courteney . She certainly didn 't have trouble sinking down on me regardless . Soon enough , Courteney was riding me and I was able to focus on rubbing and holding her . Unlike her friend , Jennifer sat down next to me before she began fucking herself . After a minute , she reached over with her free left hand to rub between Courteney 's legs . I joined in to rub her along while fucking her , as Courteney tightened around me and bucked her hips against our hands . Her own hands then went on my chest and pushed me onto my back , then she leaned them on me as she rode me faster . For her part , Jennifer kept fingering herself and her former co - star . I just watched Courteney bounce and jiggle on me , reaching over to fondle her pussy and chest . Courteney just rode deeper , causing us both to gasp and moan . However , Courteney got herself to stop and take herself off me , only to go and hover herself over my face . I could only lick away at Courteney and try to breathe while she rubbed herself on my mouth . And I could only pump my hips up in response to Jennifer fucking me . After they got distracted with each other so many times , it seemed like they were just set to please themselves on me now . They were riding and using me for one last orgasm , and it was getting hard to mind . A lot of things were hard now , but only for this one last round . Even though I was at their mercy , though , I wasn 't going to just lie there . " Oh , I 'm gonna cum … . . I 'm gonna fill you up … . fuck , I haven 't … . this much since … . oh , I need to cum now ! " Courteney pleaded . I nibbled , sucked and then went over to finger her to seal the deal . I finished licking Courteney out even as I felt myself and her ready to go over . Courteney climbed off me and finally let me see Jennifer bounce herself to oblivion as she stroked me . Once she put her free left hand inside of her , she was finished . Despite my age , and despite their successful efforts to stay youthful , we were no spring chickens . We needed rest and recovery - even if we 'd have to do it apart after we woke up . Or at least , after I 'd have to do it apart from them . They would be there for each other , as obvious as that was - upcoming marriages , threesomes and all .
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Danielle Snyder 's summer job as a babysitter takes a tragic turn when Humphrey , the five - year - old boy she 's watching , runs in front of oncoming traffic to chase down his football . Immediately Danielle is caught up in the machinery of tragedy : police investigations , neighborhood squabbling , and , when the driver of the car that struck Humphrey turns out to be an undocumented alien , outsiders use the accident to further a politically charged immigration debate . Wanting only to mourn Humphrey , the sweet kid she had a surprisingly strong friendship with , Danielle tries to avoid the world around her . Through a new relationship with Justin , a boy she meets at the park , she begins to work through her grief , but as details of the accident emerge , much is not as it seems . It 's time for Danielle to face reality , but when the truth brings so much pain , can she find a way to do right by Humphrey 's memory and forgive herself for his death ? " . . . a heartfelt drama that touches on the themes of friendship , love , fear , and death . . . . Readers will find a relevant and inspiring story . . . . " - ALAN ( Assembly on Literature for Adolescents of the NCTE ) Picks " Levy 's unflinching look at pain is masterful . The narrative fluidly moves from lighter moments with Humphrey to the darkness of grief , avoiding false sentimentality . " - Kirkus Reviews " The discussion of . . . real issues is deftly woven into the story , never overshadowing the protagonist 's journey toward healing . . . . This book is sure to be a hit among teens seeking a substantive drama . " - School Library Journal " . . . a story of love and loss deepened by the protagonist 's inspiring development from someone afraid of conflict into someone who can stand up for what she believes is right . " - The Horn Book I received an e - copy of Imperfect Spiral from Net Galley . All opinions are my own . I did not receive compensation , monetary or otherwise , for my review . Imperfect Spiral is the kind of book I love to read . To say it was artfully arranged would be an understatement . The story revolves around Humphrey Danker and his babysitter , Danielle . What started out as a fun evening in the park ends in tragedy when Humphrey is struck and killed by a vehicle while walking home . What happens next is a perfect ex I received an e - copy of Imperfect Spiral from Net Galley . All opinions are my own . I did not receive compensation , monetary or otherwise , for my review . Imperfect Spiral is the kind of book I love to read . To say it was artfully arranged would be an understatement . The story revolves around Humphrey Danker and his babysitter , Danielle . What started out as a fun evening in the park ends in tragedy when Humphrey is struck and killed by a vehicle while walking home . What happens next is a perfect example of what would occur in the real world . The community gets involved , and suddenly everyone else " owns " Humphrey 's death . They want sidewalks and lights on Quarry Road , they want all illegal immigrants deported - turning the tragedy into a circus . The story arc of this book felt like a puzzle to me , and I mean that in the best way . We have Justin , the boy who Danielle meets in the park - he turns out to be the son of the people who hit Humphrey . We have Mr . Danker , who at first is cold and distant to Danielle , who changes after his son 's death and offers to help Justin ( an illegal immigrant ) stay in the country . Each of the revelations was surprising to me . The story was so carefully created - it wasn 't that the author used distraction to keep the reader from figuring it out , I was just caught up in everything , so every pivotal moment felt right and fell into the perfect spot . Danielle was an easy character to relate to . She was compassionate and kind , she loved Humphrey , but she was still a teenager . She suffered a lot of uncertainty throughout the story , but that felt true . She wasn 't whiney or overly dramatic , but we experienced her personal turmoil as she interacted with her counselor , her parents , and her friends . Every character had a history and well - rounded place . The ending was satisfying , leaving enough to the imagination , but also closing all the character 's stories in a way that was believable and hopeful . I read somewhere that this book was for fans of Jodi Picoult . I love Jodi Picoult books , . . . more I received this advanced copy from the publisher at the TLA Annual Conference . For teens who enjoy realistic fiction " problem novels , " this book is now at the top of my list . The characterization is spot on , the unlikely friendship between Danielle and Humphrey is well - developed , and the plot has enough twists to engage most readers . I cried A LOT while reading it , mostly because Levy captured incredibly well the spirit of a smart , sensitive , five year old boy . Danielle 's memories of Humphrey ar I received this advanced copy from the publisher at the TLA Annual Conference . For teens who enjoy realistic fiction " problem novels , " this book is now at the top of my list . The characterization is spot on , the unlikely friendship between Danielle and Humphrey is well - developed , and the plot has enough twists to engage most readers . I cried A LOT while reading it , mostly because Levy captured incredibly well the spirit of a smart , sensitive , five year old boy . Danielle 's memories of Humphrey are often funny and so bittersweet , and show how " highly interesting " she is to have become better friends with a little boy than those her own age . As another reviewer said , the immigration issue is woven into the plot so that it isn 't distracting , and it adds a nice sociopolitical layer to the story . * Bonus : there are lots of great vocabulary words for high schoolers ( like polemics , precipitating , perambulating , and other fun " p - words " ) . In the book , Imperfect Spiral by Debbie Levy , the main themes were friendship and difficulties . The book is mainly about the story of a little boy named Humphrey T . Danker and his teenage babysitter , Danielle Snyder . I truly enjoyed reading every last word and did not want the story to end . I thought this book was very well written and had many interesting plot twists . In this book , Humphrey and his babysitter are walking home from the park when he runs into the street and gets struck by a car . In the book , Imperfect Spiral by Debbie Levy , the main themes were friendship and difficulties . The book is mainly about the story of a little boy named Humphrey T . Danker and his teenage babysitter , Danielle Snyder . I truly enjoyed reading every last word and did not want the story to end . I thought this book was very well written and had many interesting plot twists . In this book , Humphrey and his babysitter are walking home from the park when he runs into the street and gets struck by a car . After being hospitalized , Humphrey dies without making it through the night . As Danielle looks into the street , she explains , " Humphrey , however , is still lying in the road . I see him vividly and clearly , despite the gathering darkness , " ( Levy 10 ) . This is the major tragedy that influences the whole book . Humphrey and Danielle shared an irreplaceable bond that no one can come between . Another major event in the book would be when Justin , Danielle 's boyfriend , tells her that his parents were the illegal immigrants that hit Humphrey . He says to Danielle , " ' They were the ones that hit Humphrey Danker , ' " ( Levy 263 ) . One of the problems that comes up in the book is illegal immigrants . This problem came to be because Justin 's parents are illegal immigrants from Colombia . Since their backgrounds will be looked into , they could potentially be deported back to Colombia . Humphrey 's father , Mr . Danker , began to resolve this issue by stating he will help Justin in Immigration Law because he is a lawyer . Overall , this book was filled with plenty of emotional hardships and long lasting friendships . The friendship between the characters in this book shows great morals that everyone can learn from . The story kept me entertained through every page and made me want to keep reading . I would highly recommend this book to anyone that is interested in a heartwarming but tragic story . . . . more WARNING ! Stock up on tissues for this one . IMPERFECT SPIRAL by Debbie Levy combines the tragic death of a wonderful five year old boy , the guilt of a teenage babysitter , and illegal immigration into a hypnotizing page - turner . Little Humphrey Danker is hit and kill by a blue van on his way home from the park . His babysitter Danielle is crushed . She is assured by everyone , including Humphrey 's parents , that the accident was not her fault , but as the weeks and months pass , she can 't believe how much WARNING ! Stock up on tissues for this one . IMPERFECT SPIRAL by Debbie Levy combines the tragic death of a wonderful five year old boy , the guilt of a teenage babysitter , and illegal immigration into a hypnotizing page - turner . Little Humphrey Danker is hit and kill by a blue van on his way home from the park . His babysitter Danielle is crushed . She is assured by everyone , including Humphrey 's parents , that the accident was not her fault , but as the weeks and months pass , she can 't believe how much she misses the little guy . As a result of the accident , two issues take center stage . One is the safety of Quarry Road . Should there be streetlights , sidewalks , and crosswalks installed to do more to protect the children of the community ? The other issue is illegal immigration . When it is discovered that the van driver , a longtime resident of the area , is in the U . S . without proper documentation , angry groups form demanding the removal of all these dangerous illegal aliens before they destroy the country . Danielle shares her story complete with her oppressive guilt about the accident , complicated friend and family issues , and her irrational fear of public speaking . Author Debbie Levy will impress her audience with this multi - layered story of love , blame , and justice . Danielle Snyder 's babysitting job takes a turn when the boy she babysits , Humphrey , gets hit by oncoming traffic when she is watching him . She is directly hit with the pain of having someone in her life that was very close to her , die . Becoming caught up with the police and neighborhood witnesses , Danielle only wants to mourn for the sweet boy she took care of . The situation becomes was overwhelming for Danielle and she tries to avoid the world around her . She meets a boy named Justin at a park Danielle Snyder 's babysitting job takes a turn when the boy she babysits , Humphrey , gets hit by oncoming traffic when she is watching him . She is directly hit with the pain of having someone in her life that was very close to her , die . Becoming caught up with the police and neighborhood witnesses , Danielle only wants to mourn for the sweet boy she took care of . The situation becomes was overwhelming for Danielle and she tries to avoid the world around her . She meets a boy named Justin at a park who helps work through her remorse , and as more details of the tragedy appear , Danielle has to tune into the world around her . Will she be able to live with the pain of Humphrey 's death ? This book is one of the best I have personally read in a while . The plot twists and turns makes it a very interesting read . It has many strong points and was an overall powerful book . It really made me want to really think about my life and what I can do to improve as a person . I would recommend this book to any one of my classmates with a tissue box . . . . more Oh my gosh . This book is so good ! It is really clean and I cried ! Its so sad . It 's about a five - year - old boy and his babysitter and her struggle to get over his freak - accident that ended up with his death . I had high hopes for this book , and sadly I just didn 't feel the emotion . The only thing in this book I enjoyed were the flash backs with Humphrey , and that 's pretty much it . I tried really hard to enjoy this book , but I couldn 't . Loved this book and each and every character in it . I have so many 6th grade girls ask for sad books and this one fits that request without being overly sentimental . flag It was a good book overall . There is a lot going on in this story : trauma , grief , blame / guilt , immigration issues , family dynamics , cancer , friend dynamics . Strangely none of the things never step in each other 's toes but rather weave together very nicely . Guilt and grieving are handled very , very well , such that I was very engaged through most of the book . The end dips off a bit , however , not totally capturing my engagement between the climax of the novel and the last chapter ( which is quite nic It was a good book overall . There is a lot going on in this story : trauma , grief , blame / guilt , immigration issues , family dynamics , cancer , friend dynamics . Strangely none of the things never step in each other 's toes but rather weave together very nicely . Guilt and grieving are handled very , very well , such that I was very engaged through most of the book . The end dips off a bit , however , not totally capturing my engagement between the climax of the novel and the last chapter ( which is quite nice ) so do be aware of that . View the full review here : http : / / www . iswimforoceans . com / 2013 / 07 . . . Danielle loved Humphrey like a little brother . He 's fun , he 's sweet and he never really gives her any trouble at all . But Danielle could never have guessed the tragedy that would unfold , cutting Humphrey 's life short and , effectively , ending her innocence . Trapped in a web of grief and pain , Danielle doesn 't see a way out until she meets a boy that might be able to make it clearer what exactly happened that day . But the memories h View the full review here : http : / / www . iswimforoceans . com / 2013 / 07 . . . Danielle loved Humphrey like a little brother . He 's fun , he 's sweet and he never really gives her any trouble at all . But Danielle could never have guessed the tragedy that would unfold , cutting Humphrey 's life short and , effectively , ending her innocence . Trapped in a web of grief and pain , Danielle doesn 't see a way out until she meets a boy that might be able to make it clearer what exactly happened that day . But the memories hurt just as much as the accident , itself . Can she escape the pain and move on , or will Danielle remain trapped forever ? Issue books have always held a special place in my heart . I don 't know if it 's the realism that hits hard , or if it 's the fact that I admire the author for grappling with some of the most basic , instinctual human emotions , but they usually just work for me . Imperfect Spiral tackles one of the toughest emotions of all - grief - in a realist , powerful and heart - wrenching manner . Author , Debbie Levy , takes her time with the story , spinning a melancholy tale that is accentuated with bursts of light , laughter and love , giving us hope for a sense of peace and resolution . With a deft , sweeping hand , Imperfect Spiral spins you into the throes of tragedy and helps you find your way to peace once again . I think that I was most attracted to Imperfect Spiral because it tackles grief , which is an emotion I don 't see portrayed well enough in most of the YA genre . Grieving is such a complex process , and it 's different for every person , so I was intrigued to see how the author portrayed a teenage girl 's take on it , as well as the measurement of self - imposed punishment . Danielle was a very true and honest character . On the surface , we see your average teenage girl with a part - time babysitting job , but underneath , we see this roiling , tumultuous girl that is absolutely devastated by the death of her charge . She blames herself so entirely for Humphrey 's death that , for a while , the grief is like a blanket emotion that oversha . . . more Every once in awhile a book comes along that captures me so completely and moves me in such surprising ways . A book that still hasn 't left my thoughts even days or weeks after it 's been read . Imperfect Spiral by Debbie Levy is one of those books . This isn 't a perfect book ( do those even exist ? ! ) , but I love it for everything it is and everything it isn 't . Fourteen year old Danielle Snyder spends the summer before high school as a babysitter for five year old Humphrey . Danielle and Humphrey make a Every once in awhile a book comes along that captures me so completely and moves me in such surprising ways . A book that still hasn 't left my thoughts even days or weeks after it 's been read . Imperfect Spiral by Debbie Levy is one of those books . This isn 't a perfect book ( do those even exist ? ! ) , but I love it for everything it is and everything it isn 't . Fourteen year old Danielle Snyder spends the summer before high school as a babysitter for five year old Humphrey . Danielle and Humphrey make a splendid pair with their oddball personalities and out of the box thinking . And when Humphrey is tragically killed by an illegal immigrant Danielle finds herself in the middle of a battle and campaign she wants no part of ; she merely wants to mourn the little boy she 's come to love . Imperfect Spiral is a beautiful and authentic story about unlikely love and friendship , family , compassion , and standing up for what you believe in . Highly relevant , rich in tangible emotion , and possessing two of the best written characters I 've met in a long time , this is an utterly addicting story . Levy weaves several heavy themes and topics throughout Imperfect Spiral - grief , guilt , tolerance , illegal / legal immigration - and she does so with such thought - provoking honesty and authenticity , and without any sense of being preached at . The topic of immigration , both illegal and legal , plays an integral role in the story , and I appreciate the way that the author explores all sides of the argument and , instead of telling readers what they should think about the topic , she merely encourages thought and further exploration . But , the heart of this story lies with Danielle and Humphrey , the profound bond they forge , and Danielle 's immense grief and guilt over his death . Humphrey 's death isn 't a plot tool simply used to create forced emotions and Danielle 's grief isn 't sensationalized ; these things feel incredibly real , the affects they have are believable . Levy creates such a powerful and poignant look at grief and guilt , not in an in - your - face ; overw . . . more Imperfect Spiral is about the aftermath of a tragic accident , which Danielle 's charge Humphrey is killed in . As their neighbourhood reels from the accident and starts to search for someone to blame , be it the fact that the street is too dark or that it were immigrants who don 't exactly have a legal status , Danielle feels disconnected with everything that 's happening . All she wants is for someone to ask her what Humphrey meant to her and who he was . At the same time , she feels too raw to even spe Imperfect Spiral is about the aftermath of a tragic accident , which Danielle 's charge Humphrey is killed in . As their neighbourhood reels from the accident and starts to search for someone to blame , be it the fact that the street is too dark or that it were immigrants who don 't exactly have a legal status , Danielle feels disconnected with everything that 's happening . All she wants is for someone to ask her what Humphrey meant to her and who he was . At the same time , she feels too raw to even speak about it . I think that my review is going to be one of the rare ones that takes a more neutral position about whether I liked the novel . Most of the reviews I 've seen so far really enjoyed it but I had a hard time getting into it . The narrative is actually quite different from the same - old same - old stories about learning to move on when someone you love is killed in an accident . Humphrey was so cute , so precocious and there were so many moments that I felt like he was a living , breathing five year old . And the accident wasn 't all drown out for us to read about . Instead , memories come back to Danielle slowly , like how I imagine it would in real life . Certain things are blocked out and only recalled after the fact . I think the problem that I had with the novel was that I felt very disconnected from everything that was happening . This really shouldn 't be a problem in stories that are told in the first person narrative but it was in this one . The first chapter opens on the day after the accident but it didn 't felt like it because you have no idea what Danielle feels like or what she 's thinking about . The parts where she writes down her feelings for the therapy sessions were actually a lot more well - done , where you get an elusive glimpse inside her head to understand what makes her tick . The problem with feeling disconnected with her is that you don 't really bring yourself to care about the problems that she 's dealing with . You get the sense that you should be upset with her and grieve for her loss but you don 't quite feel it f . . . more Have you ever read a book that sticks in your mind for months ? Like , when you see something happen , the first thing you have to say is , " Oh ! That reminds me of the main character in . . . " Or , " That 's like when . . . " That 's what this book did to me . It glued itself into my mind with all of its fantastic characters and really intriguing storyline and stayed there , reminding me of all the conflicts and characters that were introduced to me . I found this novel when I had to look for a new summer readin Have you ever read a book that sticks in your mind for months ? Like , when you see something happen , the first thing you have to say is , " Oh ! That reminds me of the main character in . . . " Or , " That 's like when . . . " That 's what this book did to me . It glued itself into my mind with all of its fantastic characters and really intriguing storyline and stayed there , reminding me of all the conflicts and characters that were introduced to me . I found this novel when I had to look for a new summer reading book that I was going to present to my class on . At the time , the books that , for obvious reasons , stood out at the book store I went to were books like The Fault in Our Stars and Maze Runner , but didn 't really want to do a presentation on a book thats super popular and everyone already knew about . I also didn 't want to do it on a book that no one would be interested in . So thats where this book comes in . A book about love , grief , and child death , how could I possibly bore my classmates with that ? Imperfect Spirals hooked me in from the very beginning : a young girl is in the scene of some crime , she 's in shock . This girl is Daneille . Shes a normal sophomore in highschool with a few friends . As a little part time job , she babysits this cute 5 - year - old boy Humphrey . The book begins in present time ; Humphrey ran out into the street and has been stuck by a car . They dont give you too many details about what happened that night . Now , even though before you 've read the book Humphrey is dead , Debby Levy manages to still introduce Humphrey to you and have him spend time with Danielle but through Danielle 's memories from when they would be together . You get to fall in love with Humphrey just like Danielle and everyone else did . Because of Humphrey 's death , Danielle is faced with grief , as well as many other problems her town has brought into debate . Quarry Road is a very unsafe place . There is no sidewalk , no streetlights , so this accident that has happened to Humphrey at this location gave the people in Danielle 's town something . . . more Danielle is a teenager who is trying to figure out just who she is , and who she isn 't . The choice to stay in the city for the summer and babysit just one child , as opposed to going to camp to be a CIT for several kids , changes her life forever . Shy and uncomfortable talking to groups of people , the perfect solution seems to be caring for a deliciously precocious 5 - year old , Humphrey . Imperfect Spiral by Debbie Levy is more than just a story to read and then set aside , it deals with real issues t Danielle is a teenager who is trying to figure out just who she is , and who she isn 't . The choice to stay in the city for the summer and babysit just one child , as opposed to going to camp to be a CIT for several kids , changes her life forever . Shy and uncomfortable talking to groups of people , the perfect solution seems to be caring for a deliciously precocious 5 - year old , Humphrey . Imperfect Spiral by Debbie Levy is more than just a story to read and then set aside , it deals with real issues that Young Adult readers very well hunger for in a sea of fantasy and pulp . Humphrey T . Danker is a very special little boy , he adores Danielle and looks up to her in the way only a child can . He loves to catch her ' perfect spiral ' thrown footballs . Together they have turned a desolate rusty playground into a new planet , and their time together is filled with amazingly bright and insightful chatter . While Humphrey 's parents are tied up with work and ill health , he clings to Danielle and they develop a precious friendship . As the long days of summer start to turn to darkness , Danielle and Humphrey head home , but a devastating accident changes everything , sending Danielle into a tailspin of confusion , guilt , and sadness . She finds herself floundering , and a sort of dizzy haze falls over her days . She struggles to find herself , to define her relationships , and to learn how to share her feelings about what has happened . Debbie Levy has created a story that not only deals with serious issues around loss and love , but also about trust . Trusting oneself and others , and trusting in the system of government to protect those who need protecting . Greater issues of immigration and ' illegals ' in the United States make this a timely story , and the perfect tool for teaching . I would not be a bit surprised to see this novel on the curriculum of many school classes in the coming years . Bottom Line : Imperfect Spiral is a well written and thoughtful work of literature , one that has importance and relevance for Young Adult readers in our confusi . . . more I would give this book a 3 . 5 . This was an endearing story about the struggles a young girl goes through after the five year - old boy she was babysitting is struck and killed by a car . While her story tugs at your heart the book pulls in the controversial issues of immigration almost forcefully and felt over shadowing in the resolution of the story . flag Imperfect Spiral is the story of love and loss . Danielle was baby - sitting 5 year old Humphrey when tragedy strikes ; he is hit by a car and killed . Danielle is not responsible for the accident , however , the guilt she feels leaves her feeling it is her fault . Also , Humphrey 's family also blames Danielle to an extent . The community addresses the situation of the road and presses for a sidewalk and lights on the street . Danielle is pressed to talk at the hearing , but suffers from a severe fear of pu Imperfect Spiral is the story of love and loss . Danielle was baby - sitting 5 year old Humphrey when tragedy strikes ; he is hit by a car and killed . Danielle is not responsible for the accident , however , the guilt she feels leaves her feeling it is her fault . Also , Humphrey 's family also blames Danielle to an extent . The community addresses the situation of the road and presses for a sidewalk and lights on the street . Danielle is pressed to talk at the hearing , but suffers from a severe fear of public speaking . The book is about Danielle trying to deal with these feelings of guilt , but also touches on a hot topic of illegal immigration . The driver of the van is an illegal immigrant , which starts a debate on the subject . I like the way the author handles the subject . Danielle is a likable teenager , from a Jewish heritage , which heritage becomes a big part of this story . She struggles with family dynamics and typical teenage girl issues . Her old friend , Marissa , is from Mexican heritage ; her ancestors coming from Mexico making her family legal citizens . Marissa stands against illegal immigration , and makes a big deal of everyone 's heritage . She annoyed me slightly , but not enough to dislike her character . I admired her passion . Becca , Danielle 's " best friend " was alright . I really did not feel much about her character , although I did like the way she spoke in French . Justin , the boy that Danielle meets in the park is the perfect character to add to this story . He is interesting and a little mysterious . Humphrey , the little boy who dies in the beginning on the book , is brought back to life through all the flashbacks Danielle has . He seemed like a great kid . His mother was battling cancer and he father is a lawyer . The Dankers family was interesting . I liked Mrs . Danker , although Mr . Danker got on my nerves . He treated Humphrey like an apprentice in his law firm , instead of a little boy . Danielle was the only person that really allowed Humphrey to be Humphrey . He loved football , and Danielle could throw the perfect spiral . . . more I 'm giving away an ARC of this right here : http : / / www . happybookloversblog . com / 20 . . . Levy tackled the process of grief and tragedy so well . I was amazed at how deep this book went into Danielle 's summer and dealing with the loss of Humphrey , as well as battling through all the town 's feelings and opinions on the matter . The book begins about 40 seconds after the accident , with Danielle experiencing everything as if it 's in slow motion . From there , we see her life after the accident mixed with cha I 'm giving away an ARC of this right here : http : / / www . happybookloversblog . com / 20 . . . Levy tackled the process of grief and tragedy so well . I was amazed at how deep this book went into Danielle 's summer and dealing with the loss of Humphrey , as well as battling through all the town 's feelings and opinions on the matter . The book begins about 40 seconds after the accident , with Danielle experiencing everything as if it 's in slow motion . From there , we see her life after the accident mixed with chapters of her adventures with Humphrey before he died . And let me just say , what an interesting kid . He was one of those children that was totally believable as a child , but at the same time , he posed interesting questions to Danielle and always wanted to learn more and grow ( all while running around an imaginary place called Thrumble - Boo ) . He helped her make realizations about her own life and growing up even though he was only 5 . Not only does Levy write a story about grief , she also weaves it in with the " life around you goes on " sort of theme . While Danielle just wants someone to ask her about the darling child she knew , the town is in an outrage because the driver was an illegal alien . So now , on top of grieving , Danielle is receiving phone calls and is asked to be interviewed on her opinions on illegal immigrants , and whether or not she thinks it would have saved Humphrey 's life if the town had done anything about it . She handles the situation well , trying to avoid the nosy townsfolk as best she can . It was a pretty predictable book , but not in a bad way . I knew Danielle was eventually going to come to some sort of terms with her grief and with Humphrey 's memory , but I wasn 't sure how . This was a genuinely lovely book about sadness and moving on . And the cover art goes so perfectly with the story , I truly love it . Read When : You want to break out of the traditional beach summer novel and are ready for a little seriousness and sweetness . Heartbreaking , poignant , and utterly sweet , Imperfect Spiral is a quiet book that showcases the subtle awesomeness of debut author Debbie Levy . I was hooked from beginning to end as I wandered down the path with Danielle as she struggled to grow up and find herself in the face of an unthinkable tragedy and the fallout that resulted . As someone who frequently babysat neighborhood kids growing up , what happens to Danielle is easily worst - case scenario . I think that 's why I was able to so quickly id Heartbreaking , poignant , and utterly sweet , Imperfect Spiral is a quiet book that showcases the subtle awesomeness of debut author Debbie Levy . I was hooked from beginning to end as I wandered down the path with Danielle as she struggled to grow up and find herself in the face of an unthinkable tragedy and the fallout that resulted . As someone who frequently babysat neighborhood kids growing up , what happens to Danielle is easily worst - case scenario . I think that 's why I was able to so quickly identify with her - what she went through is something I could have easily experienced . There was something so beautifully raw and exposed about the way Levy writes Danielle in the beginning stages of the book , which picks up after the accident . There 's a numbness and confusion that is so heartbreaking and made me want to protect this fictional girl that could have been my best friend growing up . The added layer of dealing with illegal immigration was something I was admittedly worried about . Thankfully I never once felt like Levy was preaching in support of one side or the other . But she also did a phenomenal job of showing that there is more than one side to every story . Imperfect Spiral is a book that made me think and really evaluate some of my beliefs . Yes , Imperfect Spiral is an emotion book . I was exhausted by the end of it because it 's very heavy , but I also feel like it 's an extremely important book . There 's a lot going on - the accident , illegal aliens , romance , coming of age … Maybe , at times , there was even a little too much going on , but I can honestly say this is a book I wouldn 't want to miss for the world . It 's a discussion sparking book that I will love sharing with friends . As soon as I finished this book , I immediately passed it on . Get your own copy and be ready to share . Most people in their life span experience some kind of tragedy . Something so awful that at that particular moment in time they don 't know if it is real or if they dreamed it up . It changes their life entirely and most often they are never the same . This story is about one such awful event that happened to a teenage girl named Danielle ; who decided to take a babysitting job for the summer . This summer job turns into a pleasant experience as she becomes very close to her charge . However , her babys Most people in their life span experience some kind of tragedy . Something so awful that at that particular moment in time they don 't know if it is real or if they dreamed it up . It changes their life entirely and most often they are never the same . This story is about one such awful event that happened to a teenage girl named Danielle ; who decided to take a babysitting job for the summer . This summer job turns into a pleasant experience as she becomes very close to her charge . However , her babysitting job is cut short when her charge is killed in a tragic accident . An accident that occurred while she was watching the child . As emotions are played out Danielle finds herself morphing from victim to the person responsible for not preventing the accident . This story was a first for me . It was very unique , heart breaking , and very frustrating . I found myself being irritated with Danielle for being so careless and unemotional , but later watched her grow into a responsible person . This book was very difficult because it covered many different subjects at once . It covered illegal immigration , parent / child relationships , and group think . Although I did not agree with the ending of the story , I still respect the author 's opinion . It was well written and thought out . I liked how both sides of the issues were covered and not one particular view point was favored . I have to thank both Goodreads and the author for the book since I won it in a giveaway . I truly enjoyed it and I finished it in about 3 days . I highly recommend this book to both conservative and liberal minded people . I believe the author stayed true to the story and presented the facts of the situation without choosing one side over another . Great job author and I will be looking for your future books ! . . . more Now that my 3 - week exam has ended and a long holidays approaching , I could get back to reading for awhile . Yay for me and the poor books in the shelf for not being read by the owner frequently . Okay back to the book , I 'm delighted to say that I 'm now open to realistic - fiction - kind genre . To be honest , I 'd only read romance , historical fiction , romance , fantasy , horror , mystery and YA . You know right when you want to reach out to other sort of genres you rarely or never read before . It comes to m Now that my 3 - week exam has ended and a long holidays approaching , I could get back to reading for awhile . Yay for me and the poor books in the shelf for not being read by the owner frequently . Okay back to the book , I 'm delighted to say that I 'm now open to realistic - fiction - kind genre . To be honest , I 'd only read romance , historical fiction , romance , fantasy , horror , mystery and YA . You know right when you want to reach out to other sort of genres you rarely or never read before . It comes to me and I decided , I must read this ! I admit for the beginning I feel kind of lost and a little bored as it is not as dramatic as any kind of genres right ? I could conclude here that the intro for realistic fiction is the starting of the story . No big conflict yet that makes the readers sweat over it . As this story begins , it shows how Danielle overcome her guilt of being an incompetent babysitter . That 's how she would say about herself . Pages by pages , I actually try putting myself in her position . How I would feel if I were to take care of a little boy and see him strucked by a car and died . . . . That 's the tragedy Danielle faced . Not to mention about that boy ! He 's just only 5 years old and he could properly use extraordinary words that even I not knowing ! Ludicrous ! The whole story is focusing on several topics . How the accident could be avoided by the presence of sidewalk and whatsoever . About undocumented immigrant . I 'm not a big fan of politic . I may know a little of that by reading online and of course in a book . The whole story is nice and fabulous ! Realistic fiction isn 't that bad . Maybe I should read more of this kind of books . Lots of love from Hanis . . . more Danielle Samuelson 's life gets ripped out from under her when Humphrey the five year old boy she babysits , dies in a tragic accident , that happens on her watch . The scrunity that arises from the accident makes Danielle grow up quickly , as she not only has to deal with the guilt , but also the loss as well . Everyone that reads my blog and my reviews knows that tough issue books always grab my attention , for whatever reason they always suck me in and I tend to devour them despite the storylines bei Danielle Samuelson 's life gets ripped out from under her when Humphrey the five year old boy she babysits , dies in a tragic accident , that happens on her watch . The scrunity that arises from the accident makes Danielle grow up quickly , as she not only has to deal with the guilt , but also the loss as well . Everyone that reads my blog and my reviews knows that tough issue books always grab my attention , for whatever reason they always suck me in and I tend to devour them despite the storylines being emotional and sometimes draining . Danielle was relatible in a way that I think lacks for me in many issue books , many times the main character dealing with the issue has a " woe is me " attitude , and either isn 't upset enough , or is on the opposite end of the spectrum to where the emotions feel forced . Debbie Levy did an excellent job depicting the feelings of loss . grief , and guilt , in a real and honest way . To makes this story have even more depth , the topic of illegal immigration is also a main theme in this book , which apart from Lie by Caroline Bock , I don 't think i 've read another book in the YA world that dealt with that issue . I felt like that brought something fresh and unique to the story , which I greatly appreciate as a voracious reader . If your a fan of contemporary YA , or books that deal with tougher issues , that I definitely recommend you check out this book . Debbie Levy 's writing is real , honest , and heart - felt . * Note : I recieved this book for free from the publisher for review , in no way did that influence my thoughts on the book . My thoughts regarding this book are my own and not influenced by anything other then the story itself . When a tragic accident takes the life of the 5 - year - old she is babysitting , Danielle is pulled into issues beyond her control . Everyone seems to want the accident to be about something else - poor lighting on the road , lack of a safe place to walk , illegal immigration - but no one wants to focus on Humphrey , and who he was as an individual . As she grieves for the little boy she loved , she also finds herself reconnecting with old friends and making new ones . Everyone , friends and neighbors see her as When a tragic accident takes the life of the 5 - year - old she is babysitting , Danielle is pulled into issues beyond her control . Everyone seems to want the accident to be about something else - poor lighting on the road , lack of a safe place to walk , illegal immigration - but no one wants to focus on Humphrey , and who he was as an individual . As she grieves for the little boy she loved , she also finds herself reconnecting with old friends and making new ones . Everyone , friends and neighbors see her as a symbol of something . While she resists their efforts for a while , soon she finds she can have an impact if she just finds her voice and learns to speak out . Imperfect Spiral by Debbie Levy looks at the ripple effect an accident can have on a community . The parents , the ones most affected , are the ones least heard from as they grieve . Danielle ( Danny ) struggles with guilt even though everyone assures her it wasn 't her fault . She doesn 't like being the center of attention , and she seizes up with panic attacks when she is expected to speak in public . When she finds a new friend who will let her talk about Humphrey and everything he meant to her it 's a relief , until she finds out he has a stake in the issues raised from the accident as well . Finally she discovers that unless she speaks for herself , it 's just too easy for those around her to impose their own views on her . It 's a good message for anyone to take in , regardless of the issues they may be facing . The publisher provided me with a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review . Danella was a babysitter for Humphrey . Humphry loved Danella a lot , he would love it when they play football or catch with it . Danella went to a camp when she was younger , she wanted to be a council during the summer but she couldn 't because she was scared to speak in a large group . That 's what stopped her from going , she could 've been a council but she was just not ready . Humphrey 's mom Mrs . Danker had a sickness she had cancer . She knew if she had a baby it would affect her but she wanted one Danella was a babysitter for Humphrey . Humphry loved Danella a lot , he would love it when they play football or catch with it . Danella went to a camp when she was younger , she wanted to be a council during the summer but she couldn 't because she was scared to speak in a large group . That 's what stopped her from going , she could 've been a council but she was just not ready . Humphrey 's mom Mrs . Danker had a sickness she had cancer . She knew if she had a baby it would affect her but she wanted one anyways . After she had Humphry she got breast cancer and she had really strong treatments . Mr . Danker is a lawyer , he was always so serious and had so many rules for Humphry . He was always grumpy when Danella went to the house to babysit Humphrey . Danella and Humphrey went to the park almost every day they would always play catch with the football . Danella meets a guy who she starts to have feelings for but now she 's not sure . Justin Tells her something that she should 've knew from the beginning they met . I really loved this book . It has a lot of drama in the book especially with Madison . There 's also romance . I think Danella , Justin , and Humphrey are my favorite characters . What I love about Humphrey is that he never gives up and practices and practices throwing the football . " He threw a spiral . Not real tight , not perfect , but a spiral " The book is very interesting because Marissa has this thing about immigration . I kinda think that 's dumb but at the same time I don 't because , everybody has different opinions . . . . more So I just finished this book and honestly , it was quite boring . There 's a lot about immigration and the romance in this is very little . So don 't expect too much on the romance part . Well , what can I say ? This book 's main focus is about Humphrey and Danielle . Even though this book is quite boring , the author made it interesting enough to make me continue . I enjoyed all the parts with Humphrey in it . They really bring a smile to my face as to what a wonderful relationship Danielle and Humphrey have . So I just finished this book and honestly , it was quite boring . There 's a lot about immigration and the romance in this is very little . So don 't expect too much on the romance part . Well , what can I say ? This book 's main focus is about Humphrey and Danielle . Even though this book is quite boring , the author made it interesting enough to make me continue . I enjoyed all the parts with Humphrey in it . They really bring a smile to my face as to what a wonderful relationship Danielle and Humphrey have . At the very last chapter of the book , I nearly burst into tears . I felt happy yet deeply sadden that that was the last day of Humphrey 's life . Overall , I gave it a 3 stars , not that bad . " Imperfect Spiral " by Debbie Levy was a very enjoyable read . Danielle has a summer job for babysitting Humphrey , an adorable five year old boy . Her best friend is off at camp and her brother has moved out , so it was nice for her to have some company throughout the summer . He was thoughtful and mature for his age . Danielle was trying to teach him how to throw a football in a perfect spiral after he expressed his interest at the park . It was all going pretty good until Humphrey is hit by a car aft " Imperfect Spiral " by Debbie Levy was a very enjoyable read . Danielle has a summer job for babysitting Humphrey , an adorable five year old boy . Her best friend is off at camp and her brother has moved out , so it was nice for her to have some company throughout the summer . He was thoughtful and mature for his age . Danielle was trying to teach him how to throw a football in a perfect spiral after he expressed his interest at the park . It was all going pretty good until Humphrey is hit by a car after running into the street to chase the football . Danielle feels as if everyone is blaming her until her friend Becca comes home , she becomes acquainted with Justin , and her brother comes home more often to make her feel better . I really liked this book . It 's in the genre of realistic - fiction . I also enjoyed the format of the novel , and how it switched between the past before Humphrey was struck and after . At first it seems like the conflict of the story is just about Danielle overcoming her grief , but it becomes much more complicated than that . The driver of the vehicle that killed the little boy was an illegal immigrant and there is a lot of controversial things happening around Danielle as the argument goes on around her . Is it the illegal 's fault and should things become tougher for them or is it a matter of safety on busy streets ? I would recommend this touching story to a classmate for sure . Humphrey T . Danker is an old soul in a five and a half year old body . He has a Baltimore Ravens ' jersey because he likes the color purple . Listening to the National Symphony play music based on a water theme , stroking a velvet lounge suit , admiring an exquisitely crafted dollhouse , and finding the first star of the evening - all of these things " give him tears " . But what he wants most to learn is how to throw a football in a perfect spiral . Enter Danielle Snyder , his new 14 year old babysitter . Humphrey T . Danker is an old soul in a five and a half year old body . He has a Baltimore Ravens ' jersey because he likes the color purple . Listening to the National Symphony play music based on a water theme , stroking a velvet lounge suit , admiring an exquisitely crafted dollhouse , and finding the first star of the evening - all of these things " give him tears " . But what he wants most to learn is how to throw a football in a perfect spiral . Enter Danielle Snyder , his new 14 year old babysitter . She is as different as Humphrey . She struggles to speak in front of people , is taller than most kids her age and doesn 't like basketball , tries to be the peacemaker between her mother and 18 year old brother , and can throw a perfect spiral even though she does not like football . Together these two oddballs embark on a magical summer until Humphrey darts into the street while chasing a football , is hit by a car , and dies . Danielle is beyond devastated and tries to process everything when the accident turns into a witch hunt for undocumented immigrants . I LOVED this book because of Humphrey . He was one of the most remarkable characters I have found in all the books I have read . His quirkiness will win your heart - his obsession with big words beginning with P , his journeys to the planet Thrumble - Roo and interactions with the native lifeform , the Bumble - Roos . His joie de vivre and headlong rushing into the experiences of life will " give you tears . " Even the cover is perfect . Danielle is a quiet 14 year old with few close friends . She spends a good portion of her time babysitting 5 year old Humphrey , and she loves it . Danielle and Humphrey have bonded and she can 't imagine her life without him , until one day when he 's hit by a car and killed . Danielle has a hard time understanding what happened , and she finds herself torn when the community makes his death an immigration issue when it 's discovered that an undocumented immigrant was driving the car that killed him . Ov Danielle is a quiet 14 year old with few close friends . She spends a good portion of her time babysitting 5 year old Humphrey , and she loves it . Danielle and Humphrey have bonded and she can 't imagine her life without him , until one day when he 's hit by a car and killed . Danielle has a hard time understanding what happened , and she finds herself torn when the community makes his death an immigration issue when it 's discovered that an undocumented immigrant was driving the car that killed him . Overall , this book is good , but it 's not what I would consider best . The majority of the book is written in 1st person , but some passages are written as email lists , text messages , journal entries and newspaper articles , which tend to detract from the 1st person narrative rather than enhance it . Humphrey 's character comes across as a highly intelligent 11 year old , not a 5 year old . His observational skills towards his father are incredibly sophisticated , and his wordplay is quite unbelievable . For example , on page 122 , when remarking that they forgot to get candy at the Kennedy Center , Humphrey says " no can - e - dy ! " Also , the characters ' dialogue when speaking about immigration seems stilted and forced - like it 's the author speaking through them rather than the actual characters speaking . Eventually , the debate overshadows Humphrey 's death and Danielle 's grief , and comes to dominate the book . . . . more
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My mother has been verbally abusing me since I was very young . She still does it . You 'd think that now we 're both adults she would have learned to respect me as another human being . Nope . She 's even more abusive now than before . She 's been telling me I was a loser and not good enough forever . When I was young I heard about how my cousins or the children of her friends were all so successful and look at me , I 'm just so bad . I can 't do this or that or she 'll rub in my face my failures . Now there 's no doubt that I 'm a failure . I know this . She doesn 't have to remind me every time I see her . The worst is when she does this ritual in front of other people . Either her friends , my relatives or just strangers . Plus she uses experiences I have in her presence against me . Like one time I read an article about how these animals were injured and I cried . She happened to walk by and saw me . She wanted to know why I was in tears and I showed her the article . Two years later when I was invited to have dinner with my parents ' friends , she brought it up . Right there in front of them while we were at the restaurant table . Her friends gave me a strange look . I felt so betrayed . My mother is like Dr . Jekyll and Mr . Hide . Sometimes she nice and friendly and without notice she switches into her I 'm a loser mode . I can 't figure out what flips that switch . Almost anything can set her off . It 's like walking on egg shells around her . The tension is so thick , I 've learned to keep quiet when I 'm around her . I never know when I might say the wrong thing . I never share anything about myself to her . I know she WILL use it against me someday . She rarely supports me on anything . Then she wonders why I don 't want to spend any time with her . I never want anyone to know that my mother is even alive , because then they want to meet her . Then someone who once treated me with respect and kindness , will then disrespect and belittle me , just from spending a few minutes with her . She 's like a disease . I become a different person when I 'm around her . Normal4vrUnique I posted something but I changed my mind . I deleted it because I don 't want to be betrayed again . I 'm supportive in your decision not to trust your mom and I feel bad that those things happened to you . Gosh ladies , this breaks my heart so much . I am so sorry you all have had to experience this in life . The sad thing is that your mothers probably hated their own mothers and vowed to never be like her . The scary thing is that as much as we don 't want to follow the same patterns , many end up that way because it is all they knew . If you don 't have enough positive influence in your life , to give you enough idea on how a mother SHOULD behave , some can very well default to all they know and never even realize it . My recommendation is find someone who can mentor you , someone who can teach you something different from what you have learned from your mother . I developed a website for this very reason , there are so many people out there who don 't have a Mother to learn from . We have Mentor Moms who can help you with sound advice for your future . They cant change the past but can encourage you in your future . Its to help you feel the support from a mom . Our moms are awesome ! God bless you all , and heal your beautiful but broken hearts . . . My mom is the same way but now that I 'm grown up I gave it back to her and it made her stop . I tell her to her face that she is just speaking about herself when she puts me down , she is a coward picking on a little kid . But it worked , she wouldn 't dare talk to me like that again ! It is true by the way , when parents verbally abuse their kids they are talking to themselves . They feel like the loser and failure , all people who lash out at others , even the losers who take the time to post nasty comments on websites are just feeling pathetic inside and want everyone else to feel their pain . Hmmm . . . that 's an idea . I don 't know if it would work on her , she 's VERY CLOSE MINDED , yet ; I could try . Thank you . I 'm so sorry that you have had to endure this torture and neglect . This is very sad you deserve much better . I 'm praying for you . You are not alone I speak to people every day who have lived this way just like you . My website is helping people to have hope and at least experience support www . ineedamom . info feel free to contact me dear . True that child abuse can turn children or people into doormats , thinking they deserve to be trampled over by others . . . . Reduced to such a low self - esteem , there is practically no self - respect left and that needs to be worked on when Healing is sought to become whole in one self , loving yourself again . . . learning to value your own self - worth despite how stupid the world tells you you are etc . . . Otherwise you will always end up the victim of abuse and willingly take it not seeing any wrong with it , because the abuser made the child believe that the abuse and the attention given because of it is love . . . which is a fatal piece of brainwashing that can ruin their lives forever . . . A mentality they need to snap out of ASAP ! ! ! ! Its hard to unbrainwash yourself GrimKatze . In lots of ways I do agree w / her , but I don 't feel I deserve to be treated in this way because of it . Not all of us can be the best and the brightest , some of us ( myself included ) are just doing our best to exist in the world and can 't achieve the greatness that is expected of us . That 's just the way it is . 4vrUnique : I just found and joined this group and was amazed reading your first posting , sounded exactly like my Mother 's relationship to me ! but wanted you to know you put it into great words and desc < x > riptions that share how situations arise and how these abusive women manipulate and shame us . Amazing , really surprised me to see there are others who lived my life ; I always felt such embarrassment I never speak to anyone about what happens except for my husband and kids , who are often there to witness it . My husband tells her she 's abusive and that 's inappropriate behavior , which she ignores . < br / >< br / > I 've found some time ago that my mother fits the criteria symptoms of " Borderline Personality Disorder " as do most abusive mothers ( mom - sters ) . Unfortunately I also remember seeing other mothers and adults giving her very strange looks , sharing looks with each other and shaking their heads when she 'd abuse me as a child - thus I knew it was not acceptable behavior even as a child - but just couldn 't figure out what to do about it , how to change the circumstances . < br / >< br / > By the time I became a mid - teen and allowed to spend time at girlfriends ' homes , I also witnessed other mothers and their relationships with their children : it made me sad enough to often cry , wishing I had that woman as a mother and wondering , asking why God gave me the person he did , thinking maybe I was a bad child and it was what I deserved . As abused children , I think we naturally blame ourselves as children and young people , believing we are " bad " and no matter how much we strive to succeed , get top grades , be the best in sports and functions , help do everything around the house for our mother , be the prettiest , the happiest , the smartest , the best of the best , these mom - sters just don 't give credit and will work very hard to find fault with everything we do . Even if you 're 100 % perfect in something , she will then make up some vague thing to use as ammunition against you , and if she can 't find something to make up that 's credible , shedassinpa Dassinpa this line " there 's always a worry at the back of my mind that my love could be used as an attack on me instead " is absolutely true . I never feel comfortable to show my true whole self to anyone . People only see bits & amp ; pieces . Self protection . And this " Eventually we are so worn down from abuse and shame that we just don 't care anymore , we build a hard shell to protect ourselves from further damage . " Damage from her & amp ; others ( I seem to attract people just like her ) . Thank you for your complimentary & amp ; knowledgeable comment . I try to be a better person , I try to be nice to my biological father , but each time I do that I know I am just making a fool out of myself , because he will hurt me again , I speak too much as to be " friendly " and I know I can 't be myself around him either because everything you say in that turd 's face will be held against you . < br / >< br / > Each time I try to speak to him as to try and mend things I just know I am making things worse giving myself away and making myself vulnerable to more abuse , because you can 't fix something that is permanently broken ! < br / >< br / > I wish he dies each day because of the pain he caused me and will probably still try to cause in the future . < br / >< br / > I know families are supposed to handle and deal with everything that happens to their family members and endure their surges of insanity and * * * * but really how much should you allow before it destroys you ? I can 't just accept him for his continuous outburts and lack of will to change , his threats to destroy me etc . < br / >< br / > Maybe I hope by trying to make " small talk " that he will change or that he can change - but that is just a stupid thought , because some people you can never change and they don 't desire to change themselves . < br / >< br / > I really hate him because he makes me " feel bad for being nice all the time " for trying to be nice to him that don 't even deserve it , a man who won 't stand up for his own daughter when she is in trouble and only thinks about himself . < br / >< br / > He can 't change and I am just making a fool out of myself for believing he would , when I know he would just betray me like always , getting a kick out of humiliating me . . . Someone should humiliate the s h ii t out of him , make him feel what it feels like but the fact is he was abused as a child so felt how it did feel like , yet that doesn 't stop him from being an abusive bastard , I guess some just never learn out of their parents ' faults and end up being just like the people they hate most in LIFE . . . If you know how it feels like to be a victim of abuse why wouindigowitch That 's right lunavica someone can only change if THEY want to and my mother think she 's too old to change . She doesn 't want to learn anything new & amp ; is defensive if I ever bring up how her behavior makes me feel . Somehow its my fault she treats me this way . Huh ! She 's delusional . Yep , those that feel badly about themselves love to share their misery . Its such a backwards point of view . 4vrUnique , I am sure you have heard it before . But , I found that having a lot of counselling . And , I mean years have helped me . Also , plenty of prayer from understanding and those you feel comfortable are not " Judging " you in correctly . I 'm feeling for ya ! I understand exactly where your coming from . I am here , anytime you need to chat . Hugs your way . I agree PixieTrix I think she does feel inadequate in many situations & projects that upon me . I truly am the scapegoat . < br / >< br / > Avaria she is a narcissist . She would NEVER admit it . She never admits any of her faults , only those of me & others . She 's not into compromise either , its always her way or the highway about everything all the time . Its almost impossible to be rational with irrational people like my mother . I 've accepted my sentence ( to be related to her ) & maybe one day I can see her less often , then she can complain about everything to some other poor soul . Hey that sounds like scapegoating . . You 're probably her scapegoat just yell at you whenever she 's feeling something not good and it takes the edge off her . . She has to convince herself , not so much you but telling you youre the failour is her way of reinforcing it in her own head too , if she didnt look for things to be angry at you for she wouldnt have an excuse to treat you like crap . . Some mothers are just evil to their daughters but its to cover their own feelings of inadequancy instead of addressing them themselves She was the one with the issues , and she projected them onto you . < br / > I am so sorry for what you had to endure , just know she was < br / > the one with the issues not you . Stay happy never let her get you down . < br / > Now you are older make her accountable for her actions say if i have < br / > to see you it will be on my terms and all that behavior stops . Have you told < br / > her how she made you feel . Some people who are ill , like people with < br / > personality disorders have no ability to emphasize . Meaning they do not < br / > consider other people unless its for their gain like the narcissist . Its horrible < br / > and by all means it is not justifiable or acceptable . People like this have to be < br / > made accountable for their actions or they will never improve . < br / > Just know you never deserved that , make sure you talk to someone about the < br / > affect it has had on you , do not suppress it . < br / > The person who is suppose to nurture us , care for us , that we are suppose to trust to be there when we feel down , in your case it was the enemy . I am so sorry that must have been < br / > devastating . Just know that she is not well , and she projected that onto you , more < br / > likely maybe her mother treated her the same way . Once upon a time it was children < br / > should be seen , not heard , we were not meant to cry or show emotions . My dad was < br / > raised that way . He is a great father though , he goes out of his way < br / > to communicate with us , meaning my sister and i . Especially when we were kids . < br / > He was better at solving problems then my mother , another therapist once said my dad < br / > is one in a million . He says he learned from being deprived in his upbringing , they < br / > were not allowed to show emotions , crying is weakness , and they had to be quiet , < br / > and help around the house , they were poor . He said he went into the military early just to get out of there . He worked hard and he now owns four houses . My parents have been married 45 years . < br / > Some people do not change with the times , some people are more open to changes . < br / > Nowavaria I 'm just doing my best to get along with her , that 's tough enough lhangel . She 's so close minded I don 't see how she 'll ever see the error of her ways . She always has to be right about everything . I mean no one wants to hang out with a know - it - all . I think she just doesn 't know how to have a positive relationship with someone . The people she knows even for years , really don 't know the true her . So she definitely has issues there . Maybe she 's jealous that I can meet and chat with anyone who 's willing . Yes , you 're right , I 'm the most convenient victim . Thank you for your comments and support ihangel . I know how it feels to have an abusive mother and I concur with a lot of the things that you said about yours . I 'm sorry that you had to endure such a hardship and I 'm also proud of you for being able to see through her evil . Hopefull it wil make you a stronger person and keep you from making the same mistakes . Overall I believe that your mom 's problem ( s ) stems from some deeply rooted issues . Because you have a good relationship with your Dad it may cause your mom some resentment and therefore she decided to take out her stupidity / jealousy on you ( her easiest victim ) . Just remember , one day she 'll come to terms with her cruelty and may need your help . Then you 'll truly have the upperhand i . e . help her or ignore her . It 'll be your call . Just be sure not to do anything that will cause you more pain in the future . Good luck ! : ) That sounds great ladygodiva110 . I wonder if that 's what it 'll be like for me . My mother is still alive and kicking . The negativity is the worst part and I 'm glad you 're free from it . Congratulations ! ! ! I finally told my brother that I didn 't want to talk to my mother ever again . After 45 years , I had had enough of her abuse . I told him I didn 't want to hear about it until after she died . He told her ( stupid ) and she had a hissy fit . That was in December . The doctors found out that she the breast cancer she had two years ago had spread to other areas of her body . She died Palm Sunday of this year . I cried because I knew we would never have a " real " mother / daughter relationship but we never had one . I am actually very relieved now that she is gone . It feels like a real burden has been lifted from my shoulders . I actually do the things I want to do . It felt weird at first because I always was waiting to hear some negative comment but with her gone , there isn 't that negativity anymore . I have lost weight ( healthy , not because of stress ) . I am doing things I 've always wanted to do . I am really starting to enjoy my life . I am finally happy . You 're lucky to have had that support liquidgold . I too had a great nana she was creative like me . Now she tended to just ignore my mother because well , to side with her would have been awkward for her . A great in person support system is very very precious ! My mother is similar . I switched off to it years ago . < br / >< br / > Constant criticism and belittling . She 's like it across the board but I had quite a severe dose of it growing up . At 17 , I stopped listening and believing the poison . < br / >< br / > Luckily , I then had many friends and their families who believed in me like my mother didn 't and wouldn 't . I was also blessed to have a special Grandmother . Hmmm , sounds intriguing mbch36 . Well so far via comments my feedback has been that she 's a narcissistic parent and I 'm terrible about setting boundaries , so your advice is new . I 'll consider looking up that title @ the library and see if they have a copy . It sounds like an interesting read . Your mom sounds like she has Borderline Personality Disorder . I am convinced my mother has it , although she hasn 't been diagnosed . I haven 't had any contact for 4 years because I couldn 't take her verbal abuse and controlling behavior anymore . There is a book that really helped me it 's called Surviving a Borderline Parent . It 's an easy read and very informative . If you have felt like " walking on egg shells " and your parent switches from raging to calm and back in minutes or seconds then I highly recommend this book . We have so much in common BreezyCabin . Your mom is so much like mine . She too thinks I 'm too sensitive and it is her way of loving me . I don 't need love that badly . I want the kind that feels good or I don 't want any at all . You deserve love that feels good . Have you told her to speak nice to you or don 't speak at all ? That usually puts them off but the minute she starts spewing negativity , tell her , I 'm not going to listen to poison . If you can 't say anything nice to me or about me ( to others ) then don 't say anything at all . If you do it in a calm manner , then you own yourself and the situation . Remember she is your mother and she knows how to push your buttons . Those buttons are worn out and no longer work . She will try other things to get you because she enjoys the power of making you feel miserable . Let her know that she does not own you and is powerless in her negativity . WildSpectrumArts your advice is easier said than done . You speak as if my mother is reasonable & amp ; willing to accept my decisions . She 's not . My buttons have disappeared due to over wear . So far my best approach is to not listen to her verbal vomit & amp ; then it doesn 't effect me . She 's a drama queen & amp ; she hates if she 's not the center of attention all the time . Mum thinks its funny to tease and tell embarrassing stories about her loved ones . Conversely she has nothing but high praise for strangers and distant associates . She feels that loved ones understand and can ' take it ' . During dinner parties she would bring up hurtful stories and laugh at it with the guests . I think the guests were just laughing to be polite . They were always stories that were just a little more embarrassing than normal . I don 't think she had a grasp of what was socially acceptable and what was not . The bad part was that I used to tell her that it hurt my feelings and instead of stopping and respecting that what was fun for her was not fun for me , she just seemed to think I should get over it and let her have her fun . I just don 't tell her anything about me anymore and haven 't done so for ages . Consequently anything she knows about me is now years old , such as my favourite colour and what I do in my spare time . This sounds just like my mom , 4vrUnique ! Thanks for sharing your story ! ! I 'm feeling great reading the comments too . . ! ! I know now that I 'm not alone . : ) { { { HUGS BACK } } } Its hard to erase the effect my mother 's verbal abuse has done to my internal thoughts destiney24 . At times I feel like I 'm important & of value and other times I don 't . I know if I wasn 't around to do the things that needed to get done , she would just find someone else . I 'm only ' loved ' for what I do , not for who I am . Its a lonely existence . LOL - Air horn . . . and ear plugs ! They 'd probably complain about that too . Sounds like our mothers just enjoy complaining and whining about everything in which they have no control . I wonder why she became nicer when she only spoke to you over the phone ? Was it that she didn 't realize it was you ? < br / >< br / > Right , when I 'm away from the abuse I feel so at peace . My muscles relax and the tension dissipates . Thank you for sharing your experience Rolle2323 . My Mom did the physical abuse and the coupled that with defacing me . . . she had my hair cut really short , and dressed me like a freak and made me wear oxfords . She often discussed my physical flaws . Once she told me that she wouldn 't be able to stand having large breasts like mine . . . because they would just flop around and get in the way . She withheld love and performed fawning affection on my brother . With me , she would insincerely assure me that I was JUST as smart as my brother . . . . with a really false simpering ex < x > pression on her face . She also held up the accomplishments of my cousins to me . . . . everything they did was so great . . . why couldn 't I be like them ? Then came the smothering . . . . I wasn 't allowed to go anywhere . If a friend invited me to a football game , I wasn 't allowed to go . Later , after I left home , after she had made me hate her , she haunted me . She would call me twice a day . There was no other defense from the constant assault but to get an answering machine . She continued this behavior until she was too confused to dial the phone . After the dementia set in she became extremely hostile toward me and the abuse started again , just like when I was young . Every time she saw me she would say something new and horrible that would hurt me incredibly . < br / >< br / > After two years of dementia I was able to leave Michigan and it finally stopped . When she stopped seeing me the abuse finally stopped . I was able to have a decent relationship with her for the first time in years . She wasn 't all there , but at least she was no longer abusing me . . . . I think . Sure , every time she spoke to me she told me my father had died . . . . was that dementia ? Of course it was . < br / >< br / > I had left my husband also . . . . and for the first time in my life , this past year , I don 't have anyone abusing me . The lack of stress is so amazing . . . . . < br / >< br / > What I would like to recommend for all verbal abusers like your mother is the use of an air horn . Whip it out and use it on them every time they open their stupid abusive mouths . BEEEEEEP ! ! ! ! ! My Mother was very abusive on every level . I was lucky enough to be able to walk away from a relationship with her . I had to have absolutely NO outward ex < x > pression of emotion growing up . too happy or too sad and I would get the * * * * beat out of me . I know how it is to live that way . < br / >< br / > It isn 't just you . Once more your mother is toxic that is NOT your fault and there is nothing you did or can do to get approval from her . YOU are not the loser NO ! ! ! Her issues are HER issues I am so sorry you have to endure her issues to maintain a relationship with your father . HOWEVER YOU ARE NOT a LOOSER ! ! ! < br / > I think you turned out darn good given what you have had to deal with from your mother . It is the greatest gift to yourself : To be in control of your emotions . I wish it came to us without sacrifice . My mother is so confused that I don 't play her game . The anger in me allows myself to laugh . I hope for a new stepping stone . < br / >< br / > I like your story . Thanks for sharing . < br / > Longing for Me Awwww , that 's so sweet Missmathematics . Thank You ! ! ! < br / >< br / > I 'm sorry your mom stopped you from realizing your dream . It seems it takes us abused people a long time to learn how to deal with the emotional baggage that comes with this type of mother . You don 't have to give up your dreams , you can just realize them later - no matter how old you are , just go and do what you dream or be what you want to be . Believe me , I started a business in the worst economy of 2008 , doing professions with no schooling , 53 years old even ! and no money , but always wanted to do these things and am doing it . . . even tho it 's hard , it 's what I really always wanted to do in my dreams . Now I 'm 58 and still hanging in despite the economy - and guess who said I could never be successful at these professions - you guess right , it was my abusive mom - ster . Go for it , screw her bad attitude and mental illness , just go do it for yourself : it 's time to live YOUR life , now hers ! Wow . You do have the right to your happiness and you can 't let her control your mood and emotions any longer . It is easier if you don 't have to interact with her . I 'm not that lucky at this point in my life . < br / >< br / > I think it is easier to rely on something whether it be alcohol , drugs , exercise etc . . . to help you endure the emotional burden that has become the way you think . I need my crutches too . I really don 't know what to say to help you since I 'm already damaged from my abuse and probably always will be . < br / >< br / > Thank you for your comment / story TinaVega . My mother has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember . I have been so confused about her my entire life . She verbally and mentally abused me as a child . She is an everyday drinker so everyday there was a problem . As a child I lived in fear and my mood depended on her mood . I used to tell her that I loved her all the time when I was a child and I remember she would reply " You love to see me dead . " I would ask her if she loved me and she 'd say I love you but I dislike you very much . She told me when I was 6yrs old that my father wanted to have me aborted . This woman has caused me so much pain and hurt but somehow I still feel sorry for her because I know her father physically abused her . I 'm a drug addict and alcoholic who is trying to get sober and I really want to put my life back together , I 've been having a real tough time . I 've been drinking and using drugs since I was 14yrs old and I 'm 35 now and my life is a complete mess . Things have not changed for her she still drinks and fights with everyone in my crazy family and when nobody is around to fight with she gets drunk and calls com ed or comcast and verbally abuses the workers . The next day when she is sober she acts like nothing happened . I 've been thinking about getting clean a lot and hopefully falling in love and having children . Deep down I am petrified that I 'll be a bad mother and wife . I know I deserve happiness in my life considering all the pain I 've endured . I used to have a good job and a lot of friends but when I turned about 30 yrs old I began insulting and arguing with people when I drink . I 've become my mother and I really need help because I don 't want to live that way anymore . I feel total remorse and regret the next day . Unbearable depression and anxiety . Cringing at the memory of the horrible things I 've said and done . If I feel that bad I know I can 't be such a bad person , I 'm just a sick person who needs help . I know that this abuse is the root cause of my addiction and I 'll never get well unless I figure out how to deal with itTinaVega Maybe she blames you crystalcky21 for becoming a single mother . I don 't know , its just a guess . Its not your fault , she was the one with the decision to make , if she didn 't want that life she did have other choices than to verbally and physically abuse you for your entire life . < br / >< br / > I 'm sorry you 're emotionally depressed due to her verbal abuse tearyeyes , it takes time to become calloused like me . < br / >< br / > What I don 't understand crystalcky21 & tearyeyes is how you can love someone who has emotionally damaged you for the rest of your life ? I don 't know how to do that . Is that we are ' supposed ' to love our mother no matter how she treats us ? out of all my 20 years i cant remember my mother ever telling me that she loves me . but i think my mother have problems she is always telling me she dont like me , she cant stand me , she want me to get away from her . i am so emotionally depressed i am constantly crying for no apparent reason . sometimes i wish i can just sit down and talk to my mother but she don 't want to hear me . we will never have a mother daughter relationship . i love my mother but i dont like her was that bad to say . I 'm sorry , that sounds a lot like my mother . I am at the point finally at 22 where i have to leave the area i am in with her so that our argument doesnt get to an unsavable , well its unsavable because she doesnt ever respect what i say or what i feel even if i am on the bink of going freaking insane , i just walk away if my apologies arent accepted i am used to it . I love her , i never will stop loving her , I just dont understand why she blames her whole life as a single mother on me . Her anger is her achilles heel . < br / >< br / > Anyways , I loved your story . Hang in there ! it 's not you ! Be proud that you 've never put yur hands on her lol . I have been in a few fist fights with mine lol ! ! I think my mother thinks she 's being loving luvmc11 , that 's the problem . We have a different opinions on what feel good affection is all about . Thank you for your support ( ( ( HUG ) ) ) < br / >< br / > I hope I 'm never like her CandyRainsPearls . She 's taught me how not to behave . All a child wants is to be loving toward those they love and should be able to trust . I am sorry that you have been so hurt Unique . ( ( Hugs ) ) I will look into Borderline Personality Disorder lizaco1 . Knowledge is power . I 'm glad you found a way to get past the emotional abuse . I am more relaxed & happier when I am away from her . No keeping track of what is or isn 't allowed in any given situation . Thank you for your comment . I have a mother that has done much of the same towards me , yet favors my sister . I have bent over backwards my entire life for my mother and yet , as soon as she gets around my sister ( whom is an alcoholic , convicted felon and compulsive liar . . . . . that my mother has ALWAYS enabled ) , I 'm nobody and while my mother will pretend to my face to love me . . . . she slanders the heck out of me when she is with my sister and even in front of others . . . . BUT . . . . when she needs money for a lawyer , car repairs , credit card bills to be paid . . . etc . . etc . . . I 'm the greatest daughter on earth . I 've learned the hard way that you cannot make someone love you , not even your mother . I had to walk out of my mothers life because it is starting to affect my entire family and I REFUSE to let her hurt my son ! If your mom is anything like mine , and it sounds like she is , do some research on " Borderline Personality Disorder " . . . . . . it answered EVERY question I 've ever had about my mom AS WELL AS MY SISTER ! Surround yourself with " life " friends and once you realize that you CAN find happiness within yourself without the very one that is supposed to love you " unconditionally " , life starts to begin all over again . I somehow do love my mother , but I don 't allow her to hurt me anymore , I don 't allow her into my life . Loving at a distance has been the greatest thing I 've ever done for myself and my family . Good Luck and I hope that as you continue to walk alone without your mom your world gets brighter and brighter just as mine has . Right scarlett811 , there 's not much available for those suffering from mental or emotional abuse except support groups ( probably the online type is best for you ) . Unless there 's a visible bruise that can be photographed it seems no one thinks its the same . Both you and I know its worse . It will stay with us for the rest of our lives , longer than some visible bruise . ( ( ( HUGS ) ) ) You react in the same way that I do to my mother . She does many of the same things and a friends reccently asked me why I don 't care about what anyone says to me . It took me a long time to work out that it was because of my mother . I never tell her anything and when I was reading what you said I though tthat I was listening to myself . I am super hyper and excited an happy at school but at home I am quiet , depressed and I spend a lot fo time on the computer . I didn 't realise that she was abusive , so to speak , until I did a bit of research and she checks off all the criteria . What can I do as I am 13 , so there is no easy way to get out of the situation . Thank you Chelsea2323 for the mother 's point of view . I think she thinks like you do that her behavior is for my best . Maybe she thinks by punishing me for having emotions , pointing out all my flaws continuously with and without people around and being so sensitive that I have no idea when she 's going to explode are all helpful tools for my life . So far it hasn 't helped much . Hiding my feelings has worked at some jobs where everyone is supposed to be granite . My emotional callus is very deep . I no longer feel anything . People ask me all the time how I am , mostly I say good or okay , but really I don 't feel anything . The only time I really feel something is amazement and appreciation of the generosity of others . That always makes me cry . Or when I read animal stories . < br / >< br / > If I could say something that may help is that when you think about your daughter and think about the things you 've already said to her , then take your own words and pretend it was your mother that said them to you , how would you feel ? Would you like your mother to point out your flaws regularly in front of a room full of people at a restaurant ( for example , since I don 't know the details of the situation with your daughter ) ? When these kinds of things happen to you regularly you 'll understand why its necessary for me to have my emotional callus . Now I 'm a master at humiliation . < br / >< br / > It seems to me from what you said about having that fight that you 're trying to control her and she 's trying to break free . When someone tries to smother me I just want to run . A gentle caring nature would be more effective . Say to her , I 'm concerned about ( fill in the blank ) when you see her next . Don 't think of way to try to get her to do what you want . Do you see what I mean ? < br / >< br / > No I 'm not religious , though if praying helps you to have good wishes or intentions for others , I appreciate your kindness . Wow . . . you know , these are my daughter 's words about me , even though I haven 't done what your mother did . Reading this gave me an insight as to what a daughter can feel and the depth of her feelings and I cannot thank you enough . Reading your blog made me feel as if it was my daughter telling me all these painful words . What I did was to put emphasis on education , respect for herself and others and make sure to stay out of trouble . Her stepfather , stepsisters and I did our damndest best to get her to realize that we want her to be a part of our family but she kept isolating herself . She moved away 2 months ago after a huge fight that resulted in physical altercation between us . My husband came home seeing the both of us on the floor , inflicting physical pain at each other - isn 't that sad ? I have tried everything to let her know I love her so much but she keeps using her painful experience as a tool to get back at me and blame me for everything that went wrong in her life . I am not saying I am perfect but everyone who knows me knows that I have nothing but good intentions for my daughter but she took it the wrong way . She 's been mixing with the wrong crowd doing drugs , alcohol , etc . - as a caring parent , how can anyone expect me to stand by and keep quiet ? I can 't and I won 't . I may be not have been this affected by your blog if I truly meant to hurt her but I never did . I am just disappointed that , our family counsellors , instead of re - uniting us both once again , further drove a wedge between us and that divide got larger because they sympathized with my daughter during sessions because she will begin crying when it 's her turn to speak . < br / >< br / > Anyway , I hope things get better for you . Not sure if you want to stay with your mother , given how she 's affecting you but the stuff you did ( crying over injured animals ) should 've endeared you to her , not for her to make fun of . I don 't know what your mother is trying to do . . . I can only advise you to focus on healing but for me , being emotionally callused is the worst Chelsea2323 Wow , I don 't know if my advice would be of any help . Your mother sounds very difficult and complicated . I guess my best suggestion would be to tell her you don 't plan to save too many material ob < x > jects like she does ; yet , you have your own way of doing things even if they are different from the way she does it . She won 't like that because it sounds like she likes to control everything and everyone around her . I guess the best solution would be to move away from her home , when you can afford it . Then you can arrange your life as you wish and don 't have to be suffocated by her stuff . < br / >< br / > I 'm sorry she 's making your life harder than it really needs to be . Thanks for your comment ellegirl1 . Your story is similar to mine . I am 18 years old and my mom talks so much crap and points out stuff about me which puts me in a negative light and she manages to make me feel worthless . I am an A - B type of student and I feel that doing my best in school is all i can do right now . She scolds me for reasons that are so random for example : leaving around 3 empty water bottles near my bed . Im saving them so I can throw it out all in one time . The funny thing is that her apartment is a mess . When I say mess , I think she is a hoarder . This is another issue . I can 't walk in the living room and we only use half of the bedroom and the kitchen is nasty . I tried cleaning but theres so much stuff I get overwhelmed . She can go on for ours talking smack . She complains about how I dress and how I use makeup . She thinks thats all I am concerned about is my physical appearance . This isnt true because I am more than that , just because I 'm into fashion and girly stuff doesnt mean im plastic . I have personality , hard working , and I want to do something with my life . I am so the opposite of being superficial which my mom thinks I am . How should I approach her ? Wow , my experience is identical to yours and several others ? There 's support groups for victims of Narcissistic mothers ? I had no idea and never thought to do that . Thanks for sharing camreal . It 's funny because everything you 've mentioned about your mother here seems identical to how my mother treats me . All of my life I 've had to walk on egg shells around my her , never really knowing what sets her off and why she dislikes me so much . I feel like in her eyes I will NEVER be able to do anything right . and yes , I am also goofy and funny around anyone BUT her . I call it " Zombie Mode " whenever I have to be with her alone - I just nod my head when spoken to and don 't really talk , because it 's just easier that way . I have the same exact situation with my sweet wonderful dad who gives her the benefit of the doubt that someday she will not be as mean . Anyways , you should really google Narcissistic Mothers because I believe thats what you and I are both dealing with . I 've done a lot of research on victims of Narcissistic mothers and it has helped me greatly in understandering her and myself better . Good luck , I really do wish you the best I 'm sorry to hear that CarbonHeart . < br / >< br / > I don 't have the luxury of choosing how often I spent time with her , especially if I want to be with my dad . It wouldn 't matter anyhow , the damage she has caused is within me and is like a scar to remind me to keep my true self from her or I 'll be sorry . My real mother is an alcoholic . She calls all of her kids lil ' n ' word . I turned my back on her eons ago and have never looked back ! Oh , thank you destiney24 . Yeah , I 've been working on not letting her thoughts invade my brain . It 's hard though when I agree with her . < br / >< br / > I love that you appreciate me so much , it means so much to me . I tolerate her because of my dad . He 's very attached to her and I can rarely do anything with just my dad . He always wants her to come along . He 's a hopeless optimist . He just thinks that ' someday ' she 'll become less mean . As you can see I 've given up hope . My father thought that way too about my mother but then he wised up and got a divorce . A 76 - year old man finally said he had enough of her . She , of course , blamed me because my dad and I were tight . i recall all the harsh n cruel words that were inflicted on me as a child n sometimes now even as n adult . but regardless , i love my mother 4 the simple fact that she is my mother . i dont make excuses 4 her behavior but regradless of the fact , i do believe in her own way she . . . My mother verballly abused in a kind of odd way . She would tell me things a child shouldn 't hear . I was about 9 , and she would make remarks about our roommate who was her mentally ill ex - husband . How small his penis was . How he cam before he even got in her . How my dad was . . . Ever since I can remember , my mother has been both emotionally and physically abusive . She always had to have complete control , she was the one that my little sister and I cowered around . My dad was great , but he was constantly working , so hiding behind him only worked ever . . . It used to be really bad , though . Unfortunately ( or perhaps fortunately ) , I don 't remember much of my childhood , so there aren 't really a lot of examples I can talk about . There are , however , some things she said , more than once , that will always stick out in my mind . . . .
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Hpfansonghost : Hp is absolutely amazing ! She isn 't only super pretty but also such a sweetheart ! Her channel is all about her music , which she holds closely to her heart . She wants to share with others great music specially some from artists who are super talented and need to get their stuff out there ! If you love music then Hp is your girl ! She knows them all from bands to solo artists ! You definitely have to go check her out ! She has a YouTube as well as a BLOG . . 1BlazinEagle1 : Gosh Stefan is the craziest of the craziest people out there but he 's amazing ! ! ! He 's a super sweet guy with a love for extreme challenges and adventure ! This guy shocks me and continues to amaze me with his courage in taking part in any challenge thrown his way ! I really look up to Stefan because he not only makes videos but also likes to share the love in the YouTube community . When I first started , he welcomed me into the community which was so thoughtful and kind ! Thank you 1BlazinEagle1 for everything ! You rock ! . Chaplyns : Oh my goodness Lynsey ! Where do I start ? She 's so amazing in what she does ! She 's a blogger as well as a young mother of two beautiful boys . She has a YouTube and has been through so much in her life ! Lynsey is not only just beautiful but also has such a beautiful soul ! I just adore her and just how lovely she is ! Her BLOG is wonderful and I love stopping by to read her posts . She 's just so genuine and honest which I really love about her ! . Sam Brown : Sam Brown . . . Sam Brown . . . Sam Brown . . . I honestly don 't understand how this boy isn 't super famous yet ! Someone get him an award for being so amazing ! If you don 't know who Sam Brown is . . YOU ARE MISSING OUT ! He is by far the most talented individual I have ever come across ! He can play the guitar , the drums , the piano , the bass AND SING ! I wouldn 't be surprised if he has mastered every instrument on the planet , he 's THAT GOOD ! He makes covers on his YouTube Channel which are absolutely amazing and I just . . . I can 't . . . my heart . . . his voice . . . someone just . . . Ahhhhhh I just fan - girl . Don 't judge me . . TheCamidamy : Oh Camile ! She is a sweetheart ! I found her on twitter and loved her channel ! She so funny and I love the way she explains things ! My favourite quote of hers has to be " You just gotta put it into the little container thingy that you put in before you put it in the thing " She is super cute and I just love her because she 's awesome okay so you have to go check her out ! ! ! ! . Emily Smith : This girl understands me ! She is both fabulous and beautiful ! I am super jealous of her amazing hair ! Although I am not a beauty blog / channel , she got me into watching a lot of them and her channel is AMAZING ! . Kiffiemy : Caitlin Jane also known as CJ on the SSG YouTube channel ! I am so glad I got to meet this super sweet and caring girl ! She is so inspiring and she is such a strong beautiful girl ! She has shared her battle with Crohn 's Disease in a few of her videos and that made me respect her so much for it . I know it must 've been really hard to share this with others let alone the internet ! I love her channel so you definitely go check it out ! : ) . Jordan David : This kid is hilarious ! He 's from Melbourne like me and makes really awesome videos on his YouTube channel ! Definitely go check him out and subscribe to him you won 't regret it ! . Life as Lilly : Lilly is a fellow blogger here who has started her own YouTube channel ! She is bubbly and super cute ! Ah I just love her ! She has a super cool accent and live all the way up in Norway ! So that 's it guys for now ! I hope you guys go check them out because they are all super awesome and I love watching their videos ! If you do , be sure to give them a thumbs up , subscribe and let them know that I sent you ! Today I reached 130 subscribers ! That 's crazy for me ! I can 't believe that people watch my videos , let alone 130 of them find my content good enough for them to subscribe ! That is awesome and has put the biggest smile on my face ! For a few months , up until the end of April , very few people I know personally knew of my channel . It was always something I had wanted to do and I had finally found the courage to upload and I didn 't want it all to go to waste by getting negative comments or hate from those I knew . And so I kept it on the down low . However , people started finding out about my channel through my blog whether that was reading through it or googling it to be able to vote for it ( In an old competition I entered ) I 'll admit that the thing that grabbed my attention was the packaging . I loved the colour and the overall design of the box it came in . As I started reading all the big prints then onto the smaller ones , I started to really like the sound of the product ! I was quite pleased with the results . My nails looked so professionally done when really it took me about half an hour to get them to look like that ! Awesome , isn 't it ? So upon checking my twitter this morning , I saw that the beautiful @ bigdreams1993 , or you may know her as Jenny from SmallGirlBigDreams1993 , nominated me for the " Inspiring Blog Award " . Now looking at the name of this award , I was so surprised to have been nominated for it . . . why ? Well because I don 't consider myself as an inspiring person , let alone my crazy blog ! I 'm just full of craziness with a sprinkle of stupidity . But it really means a lot to be nominated for such an amazing award , so thank you Jenny ! So It 's been a while ! I know , I know . . . I 'm such a bad blogger but these past few days have literally been crazy ! Done so much in such little time and now I 've started to get hooked on The Simpson 's Tapped Out game which has been taking all my sleep time ! I thought I 'd kick off this week 's post with a little birthday message going out to my best friend Tabie - yes my dog - She 's 7 ! How cute ! She is a pain in the butt but I love her to pieces . If anything , this little cutie has taught me the importance of friendship . I know it sounds super corny but she has been by my side for 7 years and no matter how many times I got upset at her , she still comes back to me - now that I think about it , it 's probably because I 'm the one who feeds her . . . so she was just hungry . She was my first ever friend in Australia . Yes , I got her a few months after moving , she was only a little awkward pup when I got her . She used to try to fight the carpet and ended up getting a few of her teeth stuck . Never in my life have I ever come across such a dopey dog ! But her awkwardness and craziness was just too adorable ! But sometimes you can 't seem to escape those thoughts you fight so hard to forget . Those that stick by you no matter what and at random come back to make you feel down . This brings me to the thoughts of all the times I failed at something . Whether it was baking a cake , reaching a certain goal or maybe getting a certain score on a test at school ! You can name them all , I can certainly think of a few things I 've failed at in my 19 years of existence . Even though I am quite young - 19 years isn 't much for learning from experience - but there have been many , many times in my life where I have thought to myself that I should just give up . It isn 't worth it and I will never be able to reach my goal . Even when I tried , I often failed . I felt worthless , it was one of the worst feelings ever . Working so hard to only find out that you didn 't reach your goal . It happens to all of us . I can guarantee you that you will fail at something at least once this year . It can be tiny or it can be something huge that impacts your life in a whole . But it happens . Failure is part of learning . It does not mean that you lose or that you should give up . In the contrary , it is a lesson that you teach yourself through your own actions . If something does not work the first time , you should try again with a different approach . Rimmel Match perfection foundation : The one I have is in Ivory and it suits my skin so well ! I 've had this one for a while now and I have never looked back ! Proactive oil free moisturiser : By far the best oil free moisturiser cream I 've seen . It is so great for dry or oily skin as I do have a combination of both . My skin feels so hydrated and it 's very light ! Garnier Fructis Miraculous oil : This does wonders for my dry ends ! This leave - in oil doesn 't only smell super nice but also restores softness as well as boosts shine , leaving me with instant nourished and soft hair . So basically , I was scrolling down my bloglovin ' feed reading people 's posts when I came across a post by Rosemary also known as Rosemary of Elephants who tagged me to do this as well ! I thought it was so thoughtful and really lovely of her to do so ! So thank you Rosemary ! Describe your perfect mascara . Have you found one ? YES ! I once ordered this magnificent one from Avon but then I haven 't seen another since ! Makes me sad because it 's finished and I NEED ONE OMG : ' ( So I know that a few posts back , I said that I would do the blog challenge which required me to post everyday ! Believe me when I say that yes , I was planning on definitely doing so but because a recent unexpected situation sat upon my face , I have been super busy with lots of different things . I was in and out of the house and traveling by public transport to get to where I needed to be . Nothing very exciting has happened this past week , just been super busy and tired . I now work a second job as well so that 's why I 'm sat in a library waiting for my next shift . Yay for free wifi : p To say one thing yet to do another is the most common thing I 've ever come across . It 's a lie told to your face and it may not ring a bell in the crisis department but it definitely bruises a friendship . With enough bruises this ship 's sinking faster than the Titanic . Right before you even think of " oh yeah ooh let me just send them some hate " just stare at the wall and wonder why exactly are you even on this page ? What brought you here ? Reflection is good for your soul Yeah so basically this was a mini rant because I just can 't deal with this anymore . It is 2014 People . Gay marriage is legal in so many countries ! Flappy bird was invented ! We don 't only use the computer to go on paint and squiggle lines then colour them in ! Times have changed , isn 't it time your attitude did too ? So as you may or may not know , I have entered the Australian Blog Competition . My blog will be judged amongst thousands more from all across Australia by qualified judges . But there is also a round in which you can help me out and that is the people 's choice award . So basically if you wish to support me in this competition , please click the link below or the badge on the left hand side of my blog ( you might have to scroll down a bit as the blogs are set out alphabetically ) and vote for Tropical Colours . I know when I had to present , the nerves often got the better of me . As soon as the assignment was given , all I could think about was just how was I going to do this . I often thought that I would make a fool out of myself and it literally just ate up my confidence completely . Even after having done many many presentations , I still do not see the purpose of it . I am aware that some individuals have the confidence to be able to stand up and speak in front of a crowd of people but what about those who aren 't ? Shouldn 't they get a choice ? I just find it really unfair how we get graded based on how well you speak . . . . is this really what education is for ? To get a low score on the way you present is a slap across the face for many of us . What does that do to their confidence ? So this weekend has been very interesting . So much has happened , good and bad and I was so overwhelmed by it all . By Sunday evening , one thing had me extremely intrigued . Anyway yeah so this was an observation I made this weekend . I 'm not too sure how I feel about it but that I ain 't even mad . I still had the best weekend with my family eating cake and so much chocolate ! This is so exciting for me . I honestly think that the year has gone by so quickly ! It 's crazy ! I still remember the day of my 18th birthday like it was just yesterday ! Oh I can 't hold my excitement in ! I 'm off to a club tonight to celebrate my 19th with a bunch of friends . I think it 'd be a fun night out in the city - hopefully the weather doesn 't hate me . Now for those of you who don 't know this about me , I am a HUGE chicken lover ! I think they make super cute pets and are absolutely adorable . I have been around chickens my whole life and when I was younger , I used to love playing with them until I moved to Australia where we weren 't able to get some ! So I was super happy to find out that I was finally getting some in Australia ! Today marks a very exciting day as one of my two chickens has finally laid it 's first ever egg ! The black one on the Left ! It was just so cute ! But the funny thing about it all was where it had decided to lay the egg . Was it in it 's little house ? Or perhaps in the little area they like to hang out ? NOPE But no , actually today was the day that my grandpa washed the bin as the rubbish truck went past this morning . After washing it , he left it open to dry in the sun and in the afternoon when he went to close it , that 's when he found the egg . Weird huh ? It is the downfall of that confidence you build up for the past ( forever ) . What I 'm trying to say is how self confidence isn 't a strong point in many people 's lives . It is that one thing that holds them back from so many opportunities and experiences out there in the world . Having low self confidence is an extremely common thing especially in teens . The way we see ourselves is just so harsh and can never compare to others . Have you ever felt like you are becoming more and more confident with yourself - that may take weeks or even months - but you get to a point where you are okay . You don 't feel bad about yourself , you know , you can smile and feel like the world isn 't as scary as you thought . All is good and you are able to do things without worrying about every single thing you do ! Becoming confident with who you are takes several steps . It takes a lot of good things to happen to just advance by just a percentage , yet just ONE wrong move it just descends . It 's almost as if you take so long building this glass and polishing it but with just one hit , you lose it all as it shatters right before your eyes . That is what it feels like to me . The shop was quite busy at the time and I had people queuing from the counter to outside of the shop . I was in such a hurry to try and get all these orders taken that I had forgotten to write down on the ticket the special requirement ! I know , that is so bad ! The customer specifically told me what he wanted . So I hadn 't noticed at all until the phone ran about a half hour later with an angry man on the other end of the line . I picked up to him being quite upset at finding some salad in his souvlaki . Claiming that " they " wouldn 't eat it as it has salad in it , made me realise what a big mistake I had made . He asked that we make a new one which he will swap for what he got and this time to get the order right . He had also recognised my voice and knew that I was the one who took his order earlier . This made it so much worse . I completely understand how he was feeling and it was only fair to get it swapped . However it was my fault . I am the one who stuffed up his order and I felt terrible for it ! Not only that , a souvlaki now when into the bin because of me . I just can 't help but feel awful about what might seem like a tiny thing to most people . It 's just that whenever I do something wrong , I feel stuck . Like it hits me really hard and I am unable to think straight as I start to think and think and think about it ! I know it makes no difference when you feel bad for something as it already happened and you can 't change it . But it is just that feeling of . . . oh . . hold on . . . you 're doing it all wrong . Anyway , please do let me know in the comments if you have felt this way and whether it has happened to you ! I kind of want this to be a platform where others can feel comfortable to share their experiences with me just like I am with you . I promise you I don 't judge , I just want you guys to know that you 're definitely not alone ! So as you can see , I was nominated by Petja for the Liebster awards ! Thank you for the nomination , it means a lot ! You guys can and should go check out her blog right HERE . Now , first things first , you may be wondering " Karine what rule does your blog clash with ? What ? " Well . . . this morning as I first opened blogger I had realised that I reached 200 followers on Bloglovin ! Who would you marry if you could marry anyone in the world ? I am a massive fan - girl so I have a whole list of guys I would marry if I could . . . . wow okay that is so not what I meant . I 'm just going to say Joe Sugg or Connor Franta . . . I CAN ' T CHOOSE ! Who are your style icons and why ? My style Icon would probably have to be Cher Lloyd because I love what she wears . I love how she does her own thing and dresses differently ! I love it ! If I had the money and the body , I would do the same : p What is the first thing you come up with when someone says the word : blog ? This is weird but I think of the TV show " Dog with a blog " . Is it because it rhymes ? Is it because it is a Disney channel show ? Is it because it is about a blogging dog ? I don 't know ! : p Who inspires you ? A lot of people inspire me so I do not have just one biggest inspiration . But it 's often someone who has taught me a valuable lesson from their own experience who inspires me . Sometimes even people on the street who I have never met are the ones to inspire me . What is your favourite movie ? My favourite movie has remained the same for over 5 years now . It is the HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL movies ! When I was younger , they were just my favourite things and they still are . Where would you like to live / dream city ? I would love to live in Queensland and guess what . . . . I ' M MOVING there soon ! ! This is exciting ! But also I would love to live all around the world . Move from one country to the next and explore the world . That 'd be awesome ! Who are you most thankful to ? I am most thankful to my parents , God and my family ! They all have supported through the toughest moments of my life and have been there for me . I can 't ever thank them enough . So there you go guys , this was my liebster award post ! I hope you liked it ! And I apologize if I didn 't pick YOU ( the one reading this ) . If I get nominated again , I definitely will consider you and will tag other people ! Thank you so much for all your support ! I want to thank everyone who follows , takes their time out of their busy days to read and comment ! It really means a lot ! I do check out all blogs who leave me a comment and I will leave you a nice one back ! To me , my blog is a platform on which I get to express my HONEST opinions and share my experiences with my readers ! I guess you could say that I prefer quality over quantity in terms of how many posts I have on my blog . I would rather post once a week with good content or with a good amount of texts than post everyday with just a small paragraph . Now , this is just ME ! I am not saying that it is bad or not a good thing because it is ! There are a lot of blogs who do otherwise and it suits their blog and they do find really awesome stuff ! I follow them and even leave a comment here and there ! So when I say I prefer more texts , I am referring to MY BLOG ! So please try to understand where I am coming from because I am not trying to offend anyone and I apologise if I do so ! All these products are great and my skin felt so refreshed and soft ! You may be wondering why the title of this post is " I wish this was my night time routine " . Well . . . . I am REALLY bad at routines . I usually stick to one for maybe a week then I either tell myself that skipping a day won 't hurt for like the next 3 days then I will end up forgetting all about it in the end . I hope you liked it ! Please do tell me in the comment section below what your night time routine is or maybe you have a morning routine ? Well just let me know ! Thank you so much for reading ! So lately I 've found myself feeling a bit different than before . I have found this new bound confidence in me , I never knew I had . I feel great , a bit like a different person to be honest . All the other girls were so perfect and I was nowhere close . They all had perfect hair , great smiles , nice bodies and so much more that I didn 't . Now yes , I know that a lot of my friends often would say nice things to me about my hair or my clear skin or whatever but the lack of confidence within myself made it really hard to accept compliments . Accepting compliments is so much harder than people think . When you have low self esteem and lack confidence in yourself , all that you see are flaws and when someone did compliment me , I often felt as if they were lying to me or just being nice . It is so twisted and now that I think about it , I wasn 't as bad as I thought I was . So working my way up to where I am now , I feel so good about myself . I can honestly say that I have never felt like this before and it is such a great feeling ! I am not the most confident person out . I still have my insecurities but I just don 't really let those take over my life . I have learnt that you have to accept who you are and love yourself . If you don 't , then do something about it . Whether it is eat healthier , exercise or whatever else you need to do for yourself . Do it . I was always the short skinny girl and was often referred to as the " anorexic girl with glasses " . It made a massive dent into my self confidence and self esteem . I hated my body and everything about it . It hurt to know people would talk about what I looked like and make fun of it . It was intimidating when other people would come up to me and feel like it was all right to comment on how " boney " or " skinny " I was . Just like in my stop bullying post , I talked about how it is not acceptable to comment on anyone 's appearance . I cannot stress this enough . It causes both emotional and physical pain where someone 's entire world can change just by hearing a few words . Yes , a lot of people joke around about it but you do not know just how deep these words cut until you 've experienced it yourself . It tears us apart inside yet not many of us will ever admit that . So I just wanted to share this victory , as I like to call it , with you . It is one of my biggest achievement ever . So just be you . There 's only one of you and you are the best at it . Now with all that being said , I want to share with you a song that always gets me in a great move and makes me want to dance . It 's Shake by Victoria Justice ! I want you guys to listen to the words carefully and take in all that Victoria says ! : ) I hope this post made you think a little bit about how great you really are . Even though some of you may not think so , I think that you are all beautiful in your own way . Stuff society 's idea of beauty ! It is all about every single one of you beautiful people ! Oh , we 've all done it at lease once , right ? Please say yes . . . I 'm depending on those to make myself feel less guilty . So I 'm one of those employees who loves to joke around and have a laugh but I often find myself doing it at the wrong moments . So last time I was at work , I was talking to the girl at the register about something completely irrelevant . Then came a customer . She handed the customer his receipt so he may wait for his order to be ready and he asked if she could write the ticket number on top as it is too small for him to read . As she was curiously looking for her red pen , It didn 't click until she yanked it out of my hands that I was holding it . Realising that the whole time it was in my hands , I started laughing and so did she ! ( It was a funny " had to there " moment ) With that being said though . . . I do often laugh at serious things . Now , now , don 't jump to conclusions and think that I 'm a horrible person ! Rather look at it in this way , when something that someone has been avoiding on purpose comes and ruins everything for them ( example : last time my friend has been waiting so long for this movie to come out and someone full on spoilt the whole thing for here ) Now to her , it was the most horrible thing to happen , yet I just laughed out loud . I couldn 't help it . Her reaction was priceless . No , I 'm not talking about the fact that my sandwich was the most amazing thing ever but rather that everything in life has been handed to me . And all I had to do was either go with it or reject it , it was as simple as that . I never had to work hard to get anything . Now you may be thinking , wow Karine you must be very lazy ! But I assure you that I 'm not talking about the work that is needed to get somewhere but instead the opportunities we get in life . Many people don 't have that and have to work hard from a young age to be able to survive . Many people nowadays don 't agree to drink water unless it is from a packed bottle while on the other side of the world , the only water some people have is muddy and carry diseases . Some families live off a few crops their whole lives and we get to have nutritional meals with labels on them . Some people in this world work so hard to get to where they are today while others were just lucky enough to be born into it . The fact that I know so many people who were taken advantage of by employers just because they can 't afford to lose their job is ridiculous . While some struggle to live life , others tend to try and take advantage of that to get to the top . While writing this post , my eyes have filled with tears because it is frustrating and sad that the world is so unfair . I have taken so many things for granted in my life . I was spoilt as a kid and it all doesn 't seem fair .
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Hpfansonghost : Hp is absolutely amazing ! She isn 't only super pretty but also such a sweetheart ! Her channel is all about her music , which she holds closely to her heart . She wants to share with others great music specially some from artists who are super talented and need to get their stuff out there ! If you love music then Hp is your girl ! She knows them all from bands to solo artists ! You definitely have to go check her out ! She has a YouTube as well as a BLOG . . 1BlazinEagle1 : Gosh Stefan is the craziest of the craziest people out there but he 's amazing ! ! ! He 's a super sweet guy with a love for extreme challenges and adventure ! This guy shocks me and continues to amaze me with his courage in taking part in any challenge thrown his way ! I really look up to Stefan because he not only makes videos but also likes to share the love in the YouTube community . When I first started , he welcomed me into the community which was so thoughtful and kind ! Thank you 1BlazinEagle1 for everything ! You rock ! . Chaplyns : Oh my goodness Lynsey ! Where do I start ? She 's so amazing in what she does ! She 's a blogger as well as a young mother of two beautiful boys . She has a YouTube and has been through so much in her life ! Lynsey is not only just beautiful but also has such a beautiful soul ! I just adore her and just how lovely she is ! Her BLOG is wonderful and I love stopping by to read her posts . She 's just so genuine and honest which I really love about her ! . Sam Brown : Sam Brown . . . Sam Brown . . . Sam Brown . . . I honestly don 't understand how this boy isn 't super famous yet ! Someone get him an award for being so amazing ! If you don 't know who Sam Brown is . . YOU ARE MISSING OUT ! He is by far the most talented individual I have ever come across ! He can play the guitar , the drums , the piano , the bass AND SING ! I wouldn 't be surprised if he has mastered every instrument on the planet , he 's THAT GOOD ! He makes covers on his YouTube Channel which are absolutely amazing and I just . . . I can 't . . . my heart . . . his voice . . . someone just . . . Ahhhhhh I just fan - girl . Don 't judge me . . TheCamidamy : Oh Camile ! She is a sweetheart ! I found her on twitter and loved her channel ! She so funny and I love the way she explains things ! My favourite quote of hers has to be " You just gotta put it into the little container thingy that you put in before you put it in the thing " She is super cute and I just love her because she 's awesome okay so you have to go check her out ! ! ! ! . Emily Smith : This girl understands me ! She is both fabulous and beautiful ! I am super jealous of her amazing hair ! Although I am not a beauty blog / channel , she got me into watching a lot of them and her channel is AMAZING ! . Kiffiemy : Caitlin Jane also known as CJ on the SSG YouTube channel ! I am so glad I got to meet this super sweet and caring girl ! She is so inspiring and she is such a strong beautiful girl ! She has shared her battle with Crohn 's Disease in a few of her videos and that made me respect her so much for it . I know it must 've been really hard to share this with others let alone the internet ! I love her channel so you definitely go check it out ! : ) . Jordan David : This kid is hilarious ! He 's from Melbourne like me and makes really awesome videos on his YouTube channel ! Definitely go check him out and subscribe to him you won 't regret it ! . Life as Lilly : Lilly is a fellow blogger here who has started her own YouTube channel ! She is bubbly and super cute ! Ah I just love her ! She has a super cool accent and live all the way up in Norway ! So that 's it guys for now ! I hope you guys go check them out because they are all super awesome and I love watching their videos ! If you do , be sure to give them a thumbs up , subscribe and let them know that I sent you ! Today I reached 130 subscribers ! That 's crazy for me ! I can 't believe that people watch my videos , let alone 130 of them find my content good enough for them to subscribe ! That is awesome and has put the biggest smile on my face ! For a few months , up until the end of April , very few people I know personally knew of my channel . It was always something I had wanted to do and I had finally found the courage to upload and I didn 't want it all to go to waste by getting negative comments or hate from those I knew . And so I kept it on the down low . However , people started finding out about my channel through my blog whether that was reading through it or googling it to be able to vote for it ( In an old competition I entered ) I 'll admit that the thing that grabbed my attention was the packaging . I loved the colour and the overall design of the box it came in . As I started reading all the big prints then onto the smaller ones , I started to really like the sound of the product ! I was quite pleased with the results . My nails looked so professionally done when really it took me about half an hour to get them to look like that ! Awesome , isn 't it ? So upon checking my twitter this morning , I saw that the beautiful @ bigdreams1993 , or you may know her as Jenny from SmallGirlBigDreams1993 , nominated me for the " Inspiring Blog Award " . Now looking at the name of this award , I was so surprised to have been nominated for it . . . why ? Well because I don 't consider myself as an inspiring person , let alone my crazy blog ! I 'm just full of craziness with a sprinkle of stupidity . But it really means a lot to be nominated for such an amazing award , so thank you Jenny ! So It 's been a while ! I know , I know . . . I 'm such a bad blogger but these past few days have literally been crazy ! Done so much in such little time and now I 've started to get hooked on The Simpson 's Tapped Out game which has been taking all my sleep time ! I thought I 'd kick off this week 's post with a little birthday message going out to my best friend Tabie - yes my dog - She 's 7 ! How cute ! She is a pain in the butt but I love her to pieces . If anything , this little cutie has taught me the importance of friendship . I know it sounds super corny but she has been by my side for 7 years and no matter how many times I got upset at her , she still comes back to me - now that I think about it , it 's probably because I 'm the one who feeds her . . . so she was just hungry . She was my first ever friend in Australia . Yes , I got her a few months after moving , she was only a little awkward pup when I got her . She used to try to fight the carpet and ended up getting a few of her teeth stuck . Never in my life have I ever come across such a dopey dog ! But her awkwardness and craziness was just too adorable ! But sometimes you can 't seem to escape those thoughts you fight so hard to forget . Those that stick by you no matter what and at random come back to make you feel down . This brings me to the thoughts of all the times I failed at something . Whether it was baking a cake , reaching a certain goal or maybe getting a certain score on a test at school ! You can name them all , I can certainly think of a few things I 've failed at in my 19 years of existence . Even though I am quite young - 19 years isn 't much for learning from experience - but there have been many , many times in my life where I have thought to myself that I should just give up . It isn 't worth it and I will never be able to reach my goal . Even when I tried , I often failed . I felt worthless , it was one of the worst feelings ever . Working so hard to only find out that you didn 't reach your goal . It happens to all of us . I can guarantee you that you will fail at something at least once this year . It can be tiny or it can be something huge that impacts your life in a whole . But it happens . Failure is part of learning . It does not mean that you lose or that you should give up . In the contrary , it is a lesson that you teach yourself through your own actions . If something does not work the first time , you should try again with a different approach . Rimmel Match perfection foundation : The one I have is in Ivory and it suits my skin so well ! I 've had this one for a while now and I have never looked back ! Proactive oil free moisturiser : By far the best oil free moisturiser cream I 've seen . It is so great for dry or oily skin as I do have a combination of both . My skin feels so hydrated and it 's very light ! Garnier Fructis Miraculous oil : This does wonders for my dry ends ! This leave - in oil doesn 't only smell super nice but also restores softness as well as boosts shine , leaving me with instant nourished and soft hair . So basically , I was scrolling down my bloglovin ' feed reading people 's posts when I came across a post by Rosemary also known as Rosemary of Elephants who tagged me to do this as well ! I thought it was so thoughtful and really lovely of her to do so ! So thank you Rosemary ! Describe your perfect mascara . Have you found one ? YES ! I once ordered this magnificent one from Avon but then I haven 't seen another since ! Makes me sad because it 's finished and I NEED ONE OMG : ' ( So I know that a few posts back , I said that I would do the blog challenge which required me to post everyday ! Believe me when I say that yes , I was planning on definitely doing so but because a recent unexpected situation sat upon my face , I have been super busy with lots of different things . I was in and out of the house and traveling by public transport to get to where I needed to be . Nothing very exciting has happened this past week , just been super busy and tired . I now work a second job as well so that 's why I 'm sat in a library waiting for my next shift . Yay for free wifi : p To say one thing yet to do another is the most common thing I 've ever come across . It 's a lie told to your face and it may not ring a bell in the crisis department but it definitely bruises a friendship . With enough bruises this ship 's sinking faster than the Titanic . Right before you even think of " oh yeah ooh let me just send them some hate " just stare at the wall and wonder why exactly are you even on this page ? What brought you here ? Reflection is good for your soul Yeah so basically this was a mini rant because I just can 't deal with this anymore . It is 2014 People . Gay marriage is legal in so many countries ! Flappy bird was invented ! We don 't only use the computer to go on paint and squiggle lines then colour them in ! Times have changed , isn 't it time your attitude did too ? So as you may or may not know , I have entered the Australian Blog Competition . My blog will be judged amongst thousands more from all across Australia by qualified judges . But there is also a round in which you can help me out and that is the people 's choice award . So basically if you wish to support me in this competition , please click the link below or the badge on the left hand side of my blog ( you might have to scroll down a bit as the blogs are set out alphabetically ) and vote for Tropical Colours . I know when I had to present , the nerves often got the better of me . As soon as the assignment was given , all I could think about was just how was I going to do this . I often thought that I would make a fool out of myself and it literally just ate up my confidence completely . Even after having done many many presentations , I still do not see the purpose of it . I am aware that some individuals have the confidence to be able to stand up and speak in front of a crowd of people but what about those who aren 't ? Shouldn 't they get a choice ? I just find it really unfair how we get graded based on how well you speak . . . . is this really what education is for ? To get a low score on the way you present is a slap across the face for many of us . What does that do to their confidence ? So this weekend has been very interesting . So much has happened , good and bad and I was so overwhelmed by it all . By Sunday evening , one thing had me extremely intrigued . Anyway yeah so this was an observation I made this weekend . I 'm not too sure how I feel about it but that I ain 't even mad . I still had the best weekend with my family eating cake and so much chocolate ! This is so exciting for me . I honestly think that the year has gone by so quickly ! It 's crazy ! I still remember the day of my 18th birthday like it was just yesterday ! Oh I can 't hold my excitement in ! I 'm off to a club tonight to celebrate my 19th with a bunch of friends . I think it 'd be a fun night out in the city - hopefully the weather doesn 't hate me . Now for those of you who don 't know this about me , I am a HUGE chicken lover ! I think they make super cute pets and are absolutely adorable . I have been around chickens my whole life and when I was younger , I used to love playing with them until I moved to Australia where we weren 't able to get some ! So I was super happy to find out that I was finally getting some in Australia ! Today marks a very exciting day as one of my two chickens has finally laid it 's first ever egg ! The black one on the Left ! It was just so cute ! But the funny thing about it all was where it had decided to lay the egg . Was it in it 's little house ? Or perhaps in the little area they like to hang out ? NOPE But no , actually today was the day that my grandpa washed the bin as the rubbish truck went past this morning . After washing it , he left it open to dry in the sun and in the afternoon when he went to close it , that 's when he found the egg . Weird huh ? It is the downfall of that confidence you build up for the past ( forever ) . What I 'm trying to say is how self confidence isn 't a strong point in many people 's lives . It is that one thing that holds them back from so many opportunities and experiences out there in the world . Having low self confidence is an extremely common thing especially in teens . The way we see ourselves is just so harsh and can never compare to others . Have you ever felt like you are becoming more and more confident with yourself - that may take weeks or even months - but you get to a point where you are okay . You don 't feel bad about yourself , you know , you can smile and feel like the world isn 't as scary as you thought . All is good and you are able to do things without worrying about every single thing you do ! Becoming confident with who you are takes several steps . It takes a lot of good things to happen to just advance by just a percentage , yet just ONE wrong move it just descends . It 's almost as if you take so long building this glass and polishing it but with just one hit , you lose it all as it shatters right before your eyes . That is what it feels like to me . The shop was quite busy at the time and I had people queuing from the counter to outside of the shop . I was in such a hurry to try and get all these orders taken that I had forgotten to write down on the ticket the special requirement ! I know , that is so bad ! The customer specifically told me what he wanted . So I hadn 't noticed at all until the phone ran about a half hour later with an angry man on the other end of the line . I picked up to him being quite upset at finding some salad in his souvlaki . Claiming that " they " wouldn 't eat it as it has salad in it , made me realise what a big mistake I had made . He asked that we make a new one which he will swap for what he got and this time to get the order right . He had also recognised my voice and knew that I was the one who took his order earlier . This made it so much worse . I completely understand how he was feeling and it was only fair to get it swapped . However it was my fault . I am the one who stuffed up his order and I felt terrible for it ! Not only that , a souvlaki now when into the bin because of me . I just can 't help but feel awful about what might seem like a tiny thing to most people . It 's just that whenever I do something wrong , I feel stuck . Like it hits me really hard and I am unable to think straight as I start to think and think and think about it ! I know it makes no difference when you feel bad for something as it already happened and you can 't change it . But it is just that feeling of . . . oh . . hold on . . . you 're doing it all wrong . Anyway , please do let me know in the comments if you have felt this way and whether it has happened to you ! I kind of want this to be a platform where others can feel comfortable to share their experiences with me just like I am with you . I promise you I don 't judge , I just want you guys to know that you 're definitely not alone ! So as you can see , I was nominated by Petja for the Liebster awards ! Thank you for the nomination , it means a lot ! You guys can and should go check out her blog right HERE . Now , first things first , you may be wondering " Karine what rule does your blog clash with ? What ? " Well . . . this morning as I first opened blogger I had realised that I reached 200 followers on Bloglovin ! Who would you marry if you could marry anyone in the world ? I am a massive fan - girl so I have a whole list of guys I would marry if I could . . . . wow okay that is so not what I meant . I 'm just going to say Joe Sugg or Connor Franta . . . I CAN ' T CHOOSE ! Who are your style icons and why ? My style Icon would probably have to be Cher Lloyd because I love what she wears . I love how she does her own thing and dresses differently ! I love it ! If I had the money and the body , I would do the same : p What is the first thing you come up with when someone says the word : blog ? This is weird but I think of the TV show " Dog with a blog " . Is it because it rhymes ? Is it because it is a Disney channel show ? Is it because it is about a blogging dog ? I don 't know ! : p Who inspires you ? A lot of people inspire me so I do not have just one biggest inspiration . But it 's often someone who has taught me a valuable lesson from their own experience who inspires me . Sometimes even people on the street who I have never met are the ones to inspire me . What is your favourite movie ? My favourite movie has remained the same for over 5 years now . It is the HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL movies ! When I was younger , they were just my favourite things and they still are . Where would you like to live / dream city ? I would love to live in Queensland and guess what . . . . I ' M MOVING there soon ! ! This is exciting ! But also I would love to live all around the world . Move from one country to the next and explore the world . That 'd be awesome ! Who are you most thankful to ? I am most thankful to my parents , God and my family ! They all have supported through the toughest moments of my life and have been there for me . I can 't ever thank them enough . So there you go guys , this was my liebster award post ! I hope you liked it ! And I apologize if I didn 't pick YOU ( the one reading this ) . If I get nominated again , I definitely will consider you and will tag other people ! Thank you so much for all your support ! I want to thank everyone who follows , takes their time out of their busy days to read and comment ! It really means a lot ! I do check out all blogs who leave me a comment and I will leave you a nice one back ! To me , my blog is a platform on which I get to express my HONEST opinions and share my experiences with my readers ! I guess you could say that I prefer quality over quantity in terms of how many posts I have on my blog . I would rather post once a week with good content or with a good amount of texts than post everyday with just a small paragraph . Now , this is just ME ! I am not saying that it is bad or not a good thing because it is ! There are a lot of blogs who do otherwise and it suits their blog and they do find really awesome stuff ! I follow them and even leave a comment here and there ! So when I say I prefer more texts , I am referring to MY BLOG ! So please try to understand where I am coming from because I am not trying to offend anyone and I apologise if I do so ! All these products are great and my skin felt so refreshed and soft ! You may be wondering why the title of this post is " I wish this was my night time routine " . Well . . . . I am REALLY bad at routines . I usually stick to one for maybe a week then I either tell myself that skipping a day won 't hurt for like the next 3 days then I will end up forgetting all about it in the end . I hope you liked it ! Please do tell me in the comment section below what your night time routine is or maybe you have a morning routine ? Well just let me know ! Thank you so much for reading ! So lately I 've found myself feeling a bit different than before . I have found this new bound confidence in me , I never knew I had . I feel great , a bit like a different person to be honest . All the other girls were so perfect and I was nowhere close . They all had perfect hair , great smiles , nice bodies and so much more that I didn 't . Now yes , I know that a lot of my friends often would say nice things to me about my hair or my clear skin or whatever but the lack of confidence within myself made it really hard to accept compliments . Accepting compliments is so much harder than people think . When you have low self esteem and lack confidence in yourself , all that you see are flaws and when someone did compliment me , I often felt as if they were lying to me or just being nice . It is so twisted and now that I think about it , I wasn 't as bad as I thought I was . So working my way up to where I am now , I feel so good about myself . I can honestly say that I have never felt like this before and it is such a great feeling ! I am not the most confident person out . I still have my insecurities but I just don 't really let those take over my life . I have learnt that you have to accept who you are and love yourself . If you don 't , then do something about it . Whether it is eat healthier , exercise or whatever else you need to do for yourself . Do it . I was always the short skinny girl and was often referred to as the " anorexic girl with glasses " . It made a massive dent into my self confidence and self esteem . I hated my body and everything about it . It hurt to know people would talk about what I looked like and make fun of it . It was intimidating when other people would come up to me and feel like it was all right to comment on how " boney " or " skinny " I was . Just like in my stop bullying post , I talked about how it is not acceptable to comment on anyone 's appearance . I cannot stress this enough . It causes both emotional and physical pain where someone 's entire world can change just by hearing a few words . Yes , a lot of people joke around about it but you do not know just how deep these words cut until you 've experienced it yourself . It tears us apart inside yet not many of us will ever admit that . So I just wanted to share this victory , as I like to call it , with you . It is one of my biggest achievement ever . So just be you . There 's only one of you and you are the best at it . Now with all that being said , I want to share with you a song that always gets me in a great move and makes me want to dance . It 's Shake by Victoria Justice ! I want you guys to listen to the words carefully and take in all that Victoria says ! : ) I hope this post made you think a little bit about how great you really are . Even though some of you may not think so , I think that you are all beautiful in your own way . Stuff society 's idea of beauty ! It is all about every single one of you beautiful people ! Oh , we 've all done it at lease once , right ? Please say yes . . . I 'm depending on those to make myself feel less guilty . So I 'm one of those employees who loves to joke around and have a laugh but I often find myself doing it at the wrong moments . So last time I was at work , I was talking to the girl at the register about something completely irrelevant . Then came a customer . She handed the customer his receipt so he may wait for his order to be ready and he asked if she could write the ticket number on top as it is too small for him to read . As she was curiously looking for her red pen , It didn 't click until she yanked it out of my hands that I was holding it . Realising that the whole time it was in my hands , I started laughing and so did she ! ( It was a funny " had to there " moment ) With that being said though . . . I do often laugh at serious things . Now , now , don 't jump to conclusions and think that I 'm a horrible person ! Rather look at it in this way , when something that someone has been avoiding on purpose comes and ruins everything for them ( example : last time my friend has been waiting so long for this movie to come out and someone full on spoilt the whole thing for here ) Now to her , it was the most horrible thing to happen , yet I just laughed out loud . I couldn 't help it . Her reaction was priceless . No , I 'm not talking about the fact that my sandwich was the most amazing thing ever but rather that everything in life has been handed to me . And all I had to do was either go with it or reject it , it was as simple as that . I never had to work hard to get anything . Now you may be thinking , wow Karine you must be very lazy ! But I assure you that I 'm not talking about the work that is needed to get somewhere but instead the opportunities we get in life . Many people don 't have that and have to work hard from a young age to be able to survive . Many people nowadays don 't agree to drink water unless it is from a packed bottle while on the other side of the world , the only water some people have is muddy and carry diseases . Some families live off a few crops their whole lives and we get to have nutritional meals with labels on them . Some people in this world work so hard to get to where they are today while others were just lucky enough to be born into it . The fact that I know so many people who were taken advantage of by employers just because they can 't afford to lose their job is ridiculous . While some struggle to live life , others tend to try and take advantage of that to get to the top . While writing this post , my eyes have filled with tears because it is frustrating and sad that the world is so unfair . I have taken so many things for granted in my life . I was spoilt as a kid and it all doesn 't seem fair .
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Three years . How thankful I am to have had my Grandparents be such an integral part of my life . My Pawpaw has been gone for three years today . I still miss him . Carli still asks about him . She is very proud to understand that if you add an " s " to her name , it will spell Pawpaw 's name . Two weeks ago my Grandma passed away . It was bittersweet because our heart aches not having her with us any longer , but we celebrate knowing they both lived an amazing life of service to the Lord . Today , I was thinking a lot about my Grandparents . My Grandma had given all her grandkids a book called " Grandmother Remembers . " She had filled it out completely and added news paper clippings , old photos and special memories . It is pretty awesome , and worth so much to us all . In the back of the book is a section called , " Grandfather Would Want You to Know . " My Pawpaw never even finished elementary school . I can 't say I ever saw him write anything other than his name . Grandma always wrote all the checks and would even read the Bible to him at night . I use to come home from college and give him a lot of grief because he wouldn 't write in my book for me . I begged , and begged , and begged . And I actually had given up , and honestly almost forgotten about it . But one day , I came in to have lunch with Grandma and Pawpaw . Pawpaw proudly handed me my book and told me , that he had given me the best present ever . If he only knew how true those words were . . . I am so thankful for you my sweet smart granddaughter . You are so good to me helping with the chickens . I love you so much . You are so sweet Grandma told me later that he told her what he wanted to write . She printed it out for him and he took a pencil and copied it over into my book . It took them both working together to give me a gift I will cherish more than they could have ever imagined . Back in August our cousins from Washington came down for a quick visit . We enjoyed the company and good food at Little Mexico . Wished we got to see them more often ! This year the girls picked out two Magi Boxes . We took them to the store and gave them basic parameters about what they could buy to fill their boxes with and turned them loose . There is a lot of stuff in those little boxes ! We hope the little girls that receive them like what Carli and Ava picked out ! Ava had a box that will be given to a little girl around the age of 3 . Her favorite thing in her box was the ball and pink socks . She colored a rainbow card and with Momma 's help we added a special note with her picture . Carli 's box was for a little girl about the age of 6 . Carli was very proud to include some finger nail polish and some jewelry . Carli drew a picture of a princess and helped me add her picture and a note . These are all post that were put on facebook during the period of time from when my Grandma had her stroke until she passed away . While I don 't really like to think much about seeing my Grandma like that in those few days at the hospital , I felt that it would be worth recording the memory of what took place . Essentially this blog is for my girls to look back on and read later in their lives . I want them to remember what a beautiful person our Grandma was and I want them to know she was so ready to go on to the place she worked all her life for - she was ready to go see her Lord . I want them to know that while we were all struggling with our emotions of preparing to live life without Grandma , we were rejoicing b / c we knew where she was going . She is beautiful . She is strong . She is blessed . She is my Grandma . My Grandma suffered a massive stroke last night and was care flighted from Fairfield to ETMC Tyler . They found a clot on her brain and they cannot give her the medicine that would break up the clot b / c she is on a blood thinner . She is listed in critical condition . Grandma cannot talk . There is a chance she can talk again , but she won 't be able to walk again . Our family cannot thank you all enough for your immediate response to pray for our Grandma . We can only say thank you and ask that you please continue to lift her and our family up in your prayers . My Grandma has beautiful hands . They tell a wonderful story of hardwork , love and faithfulness . Each line is simply beautiful . My girls wanted a picture of Grandma since they are not allowed in the CCU . Grandma held tight to my hand so that is the picture we took . Grandma had a CAT scan today . Basically her brain is still swelling and they expect it to not let up for 2 more days . She is pretty lethargic and will get more so . There is still a chance the swelling will stop her heart or breathing . They gave her a feeding tube since she would / could not do the swallow test . After Tuesday they should be able to evaluate her condition and send her to a rehab nursing home for about 100 days or until she plateaus and then she will go to a long term It 's been a little over 48 hrs since Grandma suffered a massive stroke that has this far left her paralyzed on her right side as well as unable to talk and walk . They are still saying her brain is swelling , but our Grandma is so amazing . She has quite the grip with her left hand and when we are with her she holds on tight . She shrugged her shoulders and opened both eyes for a few seconds today . They who we call Mom and Grandma . And it is so very apparent how many love and care for her beyond our family by the overwhelming response of prayer and kind words . We cannot say thank you enough and we continue to Grandma was suppose to have gotten a G - button put in so she no longer has a feeding tube through her nose . It was also decided that she would be moving to Providence Park Nursing & Rehab here in Tyler probably tomorrow . Our family basically had two choices . We could elect to send her to hospice or a nursing home . It was not an option for her to not receive a G - button . No nursing home or even hospice would take her with a feeding tube in her nose . My Uncle Danny works with a group of nursing homes and Providence Park happens to be one of them . They will be able to help Grandma be comfortable and we will be able to visit her frequently . Grandma is still the same . I am struggling at explaining this to my girls . Carli asked today when she could see Grandma and show her how she could spell Pawpaw 's name . And I told her that Grandma was getting ready to go to heaven to see Pawpaw again . Carli didn 't even hesitate when she said , " Then I want to go with her . Grandma misses Pawpaw and so do I ! " I am at a loss as to how to explain to them that heaven is a good thing when in their little minds they see it as taking away their Grandma and Pawpaw . They know that God is good . They know that Jesus is good . They know heaven is a good place . But they cannot understand how can it hear her voice again , to know that she knows we are with her , to see her open her eyes and recognize us all . We also know that Grandma is tired . That she has lived an amazingly blessed life and how selfish we are to want her to stay on this earth any longer . Please pray for wisdom in our words in trying to explain this process to our young children who have been so immensely blessed in having their Great - Grandma be such a huge part of their lives . And we thank you all for the prayers and kinds words of comfort you continue to offer us all . From Aunt Carolyn : If you 've ever had someone , or yourself , in a hospital you know things can change really fast , and there is a lot of just sit and " wait ' n see " ! The " wait ' n see " is what it seems we 've been doing for several days . The hospital has done all they medically can do for my mom , so we are getting ready to move her to Providence Park here in Tyler . Mom has stated that she does not want to be kept alive a temporary feeding tube ( through the nose ) , it must be permanent ( in the stomach ) . They were going to do that Tuesday , but realized they couldn 't because she was on blood thiners . So they discontinued those ( Coumidin ) and said they would do the procedure today . Today the blood is still not the right consistency , so they are doing the paper work to give her plasma and vitamin K to help with that . Then , we will wait to see how long it takes those things to work - - - they could still do the procedure today , but it could be tomorrow . Once the tube is in place , they will have to observe her for awhile ( possibly 24 hours ) before she can be moved . I know this is long , but I hope is an accurate description of our current status . Please keep up your prayers for all of us . Now , after I wrote all this , the nurse came in and said it will be tomorrow when they insert the feeding tube . September 13 , 2013 unfortunately that is not the case . I got to spend almost an hour alone with my Grandma on Wednesday night . I talked to her til I couldn 't think of anything else to say and then I sang . Grandma didn 't react until I stopped singing then she raised her hand and shrugged her shoulder . So I sang some more . Her body is old , and is tired . But her mind is still there and sometimes that makes it harder to take . This morning while they were cleaning Grandma 's room and prepping her for her gtube procedure they took her off her bpap to change her sheets and realized that she could not breathe on her own . Basically it was acting like a ventilator which is a violation of her dnr ( do not resuscitate ) . So , tonight at 8 pm we will take Grandma off her bpap . The last week has not been easy but the prospect of tonight is hard . Pls pray for peace and that Grandma not suffer . Pls pray for our family Grandma gets to heaven , will she have angel wings ? I hope they are beautiful . I bet they are pink . Grandma really liked pink . She told me so . Maybe we need to pray and tell God to make sure Pawpaw knows that Grandma will have pink angel wings in heaven so he can find her . " - Carli My beautiful Grandma is no longer suffering and we rejoice in knowing she is now whole again . What an amazing Godly woman and example she was to our family . We are beyond blessed and thankful to have called her ours . May God bless you all for the prayers and words of comfort you have offered our family . Thank you from the bottom of our hearts . Flowers from all of Grandma 's Darlins ' hoping while sitting on the front porch . And doing a lot of listening , thinking , and praying in return . Making that special call to say I was engaged had . She was mine . And I can never put into words how much I miss her already . I love you Grandma . Thank you for loving me . Uncle Danny stopped by a few weeks ago and brought the girls a couple of new dolls . Turns out an older lady he knew had collected Porcelain dolls all her life and she was giving them away ! So Uncle Danny picked out a couple to bring to the girls . The girls were so excited to have " real " babies ! We found a home for them on top of the bookshelf in the playroom . Thanks a million Uncle Danny for thinking of the girls ! They are quick to point out to any new visitors that come into their play room that they have new , beautiful heavy dolls ! : ) The girls started their new gymnastics classes a couple of Wednesday 's ago . They both have class at 3 : 30 but are on different sides of the gym so I get lots of excercise going back and forth trying to not miss a flip ! : ) Carli got to move over to the big gym . She looks so tiny over there with all those big girls . She is really enjoying getting to learn new things . Ava moved up to the Advanced Pre - School Class and is in class with Kenzie . She is one of the smaller girls in her class too . That usually does not stop her until she gets to the bars and they are set too high up for her to reach . : ) Keith came home from work a couple of weeks ago to tell us that the circus was in town . I was a little unsure about going given how the last one was when we took Carli . But , we figured we could always leave at intermission if it was much to be desired and at least it would give the girls to see the Tigers and Elephants again . Turns out this years circus was a lot better . They had trapeze artist , tight rope walkers and the girls favorite were the dog that looked like an elephant . : ) They still had a lot of ladies in need of a little more clothes , but the girls didn 't pay any attention to them . They kept a close eye on the clowns and animals instead ! I wasn 't sure anyone was having a good time b / c this is pretty much how their faces looked the ENTIRE time ! But as soon as intermission came and Carli asked if it was over and time to go home . When I asked her if she wanted to go home , she immediately replied NO ! Guess they are just taking it all in ! Carli is in Pre - K this year . She has Mrs . Chrissy and for the three days she has gone to school she has really loved it . Carli has always loved school , she doesn 't like new situations . I was nervous that she would have a harder time than usual since she may not know any of the kids but her good friend Sophia is in class with her and a couple of boys from summer class that she knew . She also has a good ratio of boys and girls . Last year at times it was just her and six boys ! Technically this was Ava 's first day of Pre - K 3 's . I was too lazy to make two signs . : ) Ava is such an easy going kid when it comes to new situations . She simply waltzed right into class and didn 't miss a beat . Her teacher is Mrs . Brooke . Mrs . Brooke has already bragged on Ava for being such an awesome little girl . She said Ava is simply a joy to have in class . If you ask her to do something she does and for a 3 year old that is a gem ! Ha ! One of my favorite pictures is from last years first day of school . I tried to recreate it b / c that would be really cool . This is the best I got before Ava turned around with a very worried look on her face that I was not going to walk her to class ! From all accounts the girls had a great first day ! They are excited to see what they learn in the year to come . Wow , they have grown a lot since last year . We had meet the teacher a few weeks ago - yes , school has already started . I 'm a little behind . The girls were just as excited to get to see and visit with their old teachers from last year as they were to see their new ones . Posted by Grammy & Pa have a pear tree at their lake house and it just happened that the pears were ready to be picked on Labor Day . The girls were quite excited to help with this job . We had a hard time getting Ava to understand that she couldn 't throw the pears into the box . Just because they are somewhat round , does not make a pear a good ball ! Two of my favorite pictures - look at those blue eyes ! Proudly displaying their finds ! They even enlisted the help of their Daddy to get some pears off the tree themselves ! We even brought a box of pears home with us to try to can ourselves . That maybe what we do this afternoon . It should be an interesting adventure in and of itself !
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Three years . How thankful I am to have had my Grandparents be such an integral part of my life . My Pawpaw has been gone for three years today . I still miss him . Carli still asks about him . She is very proud to understand that if you add an " s " to her name , it will spell Pawpaw 's name . Two weeks ago my Grandma passed away . It was bittersweet because our heart aches not having her with us any longer , but we celebrate knowing they both lived an amazing life of service to the Lord . Today , I was thinking a lot about my Grandparents . My Grandma had given all her grandkids a book called " Grandmother Remembers . " She had filled it out completely and added news paper clippings , old photos and special memories . It is pretty awesome , and worth so much to us all . In the back of the book is a section called , " Grandfather Would Want You to Know . " My Pawpaw never even finished elementary school . I can 't say I ever saw him write anything other than his name . Grandma always wrote all the checks and would even read the Bible to him at night . I use to come home from college and give him a lot of grief because he wouldn 't write in my book for me . I begged , and begged , and begged . And I actually had given up , and honestly almost forgotten about it . But one day , I came in to have lunch with Grandma and Pawpaw . Pawpaw proudly handed me my book and told me , that he had given me the best present ever . If he only knew how true those words were . . . I am so thankful for you my sweet smart granddaughter . You are so good to me helping with the chickens . I love you so much . You are so sweet Grandma told me later that he told her what he wanted to write . She printed it out for him and he took a pencil and copied it over into my book . It took them both working together to give me a gift I will cherish more than they could have ever imagined . Back in August our cousins from Washington came down for a quick visit . We enjoyed the company and good food at Little Mexico . Wished we got to see them more often ! This year the girls picked out two Magi Boxes . We took them to the store and gave them basic parameters about what they could buy to fill their boxes with and turned them loose . There is a lot of stuff in those little boxes ! We hope the little girls that receive them like what Carli and Ava picked out ! Ava had a box that will be given to a little girl around the age of 3 . Her favorite thing in her box was the ball and pink socks . She colored a rainbow card and with Momma 's help we added a special note with her picture . Carli 's box was for a little girl about the age of 6 . Carli was very proud to include some finger nail polish and some jewelry . Carli drew a picture of a princess and helped me add her picture and a note . These are all post that were put on facebook during the period of time from when my Grandma had her stroke until she passed away . While I don 't really like to think much about seeing my Grandma like that in those few days at the hospital , I felt that it would be worth recording the memory of what took place . Essentially this blog is for my girls to look back on and read later in their lives . I want them to remember what a beautiful person our Grandma was and I want them to know she was so ready to go on to the place she worked all her life for - she was ready to go see her Lord . I want them to know that while we were all struggling with our emotions of preparing to live life without Grandma , we were rejoicing b / c we knew where she was going . She is beautiful . She is strong . She is blessed . She is my Grandma . My Grandma suffered a massive stroke last night and was care flighted from Fairfield to ETMC Tyler . They found a clot on her brain and they cannot give her the medicine that would break up the clot b / c she is on a blood thinner . She is listed in critical condition . Grandma cannot talk . There is a chance she can talk again , but she won 't be able to walk again . Our family cannot thank you all enough for your immediate response to pray for our Grandma . We can only say thank you and ask that you please continue to lift her and our family up in your prayers . My Grandma has beautiful hands . They tell a wonderful story of hardwork , love and faithfulness . Each line is simply beautiful . My girls wanted a picture of Grandma since they are not allowed in the CCU . Grandma held tight to my hand so that is the picture we took . Grandma had a CAT scan today . Basically her brain is still swelling and they expect it to not let up for 2 more days . She is pretty lethargic and will get more so . There is still a chance the swelling will stop her heart or breathing . They gave her a feeding tube since she would / could not do the swallow test . After Tuesday they should be able to evaluate her condition and send her to a rehab nursing home for about 100 days or until she plateaus and then she will go to a long term It 's been a little over 48 hrs since Grandma suffered a massive stroke that has this far left her paralyzed on her right side as well as unable to talk and walk . They are still saying her brain is swelling , but our Grandma is so amazing . She has quite the grip with her left hand and when we are with her she holds on tight . She shrugged her shoulders and opened both eyes for a few seconds today . They who we call Mom and Grandma . And it is so very apparent how many love and care for her beyond our family by the overwhelming response of prayer and kind words . We cannot say thank you enough and we continue to Grandma was suppose to have gotten a G - button put in so she no longer has a feeding tube through her nose . It was also decided that she would be moving to Providence Park Nursing & Rehab here in Tyler probably tomorrow . Our family basically had two choices . We could elect to send her to hospice or a nursing home . It was not an option for her to not receive a G - button . No nursing home or even hospice would take her with a feeding tube in her nose . My Uncle Danny works with a group of nursing homes and Providence Park happens to be one of them . They will be able to help Grandma be comfortable and we will be able to visit her frequently . Grandma is still the same . I am struggling at explaining this to my girls . Carli asked today when she could see Grandma and show her how she could spell Pawpaw 's name . And I told her that Grandma was getting ready to go to heaven to see Pawpaw again . Carli didn 't even hesitate when she said , " Then I want to go with her . Grandma misses Pawpaw and so do I ! " I am at a loss as to how to explain to them that heaven is a good thing when in their little minds they see it as taking away their Grandma and Pawpaw . They know that God is good . They know that Jesus is good . They know heaven is a good place . But they cannot understand how can it hear her voice again , to know that she knows we are with her , to see her open her eyes and recognize us all . We also know that Grandma is tired . That she has lived an amazingly blessed life and how selfish we are to want her to stay on this earth any longer . Please pray for wisdom in our words in trying to explain this process to our young children who have been so immensely blessed in having their Great - Grandma be such a huge part of their lives . And we thank you all for the prayers and kinds words of comfort you continue to offer us all . From Aunt Carolyn : If you 've ever had someone , or yourself , in a hospital you know things can change really fast , and there is a lot of just sit and " wait ' n see " ! The " wait ' n see " is what it seems we 've been doing for several days . The hospital has done all they medically can do for my mom , so we are getting ready to move her to Providence Park here in Tyler . Mom has stated that she does not want to be kept alive a temporary feeding tube ( through the nose ) , it must be permanent ( in the stomach ) . They were going to do that Tuesday , but realized they couldn 't because she was on blood thiners . So they discontinued those ( Coumidin ) and said they would do the procedure today . Today the blood is still not the right consistency , so they are doing the paper work to give her plasma and vitamin K to help with that . Then , we will wait to see how long it takes those things to work - - - they could still do the procedure today , but it could be tomorrow . Once the tube is in place , they will have to observe her for awhile ( possibly 24 hours ) before she can be moved . I know this is long , but I hope is an accurate description of our current status . Please keep up your prayers for all of us . Now , after I wrote all this , the nurse came in and said it will be tomorrow when they insert the feeding tube . September 13 , 2013 unfortunately that is not the case . I got to spend almost an hour alone with my Grandma on Wednesday night . I talked to her til I couldn 't think of anything else to say and then I sang . Grandma didn 't react until I stopped singing then she raised her hand and shrugged her shoulder . So I sang some more . Her body is old , and is tired . But her mind is still there and sometimes that makes it harder to take . This morning while they were cleaning Grandma 's room and prepping her for her gtube procedure they took her off her bpap to change her sheets and realized that she could not breathe on her own . Basically it was acting like a ventilator which is a violation of her dnr ( do not resuscitate ) . So , tonight at 8 pm we will take Grandma off her bpap . The last week has not been easy but the prospect of tonight is hard . Pls pray for peace and that Grandma not suffer . Pls pray for our family Grandma gets to heaven , will she have angel wings ? I hope they are beautiful . I bet they are pink . Grandma really liked pink . She told me so . Maybe we need to pray and tell God to make sure Pawpaw knows that Grandma will have pink angel wings in heaven so he can find her . " - Carli My beautiful Grandma is no longer suffering and we rejoice in knowing she is now whole again . What an amazing Godly woman and example she was to our family . We are beyond blessed and thankful to have called her ours . May God bless you all for the prayers and words of comfort you have offered our family . Thank you from the bottom of our hearts . Flowers from all of Grandma 's Darlins ' hoping while sitting on the front porch . And doing a lot of listening , thinking , and praying in return . Making that special call to say I was engaged had . She was mine . And I can never put into words how much I miss her already . I love you Grandma . Thank you for loving me . Uncle Danny stopped by a few weeks ago and brought the girls a couple of new dolls . Turns out an older lady he knew had collected Porcelain dolls all her life and she was giving them away ! So Uncle Danny picked out a couple to bring to the girls . The girls were so excited to have " real " babies ! We found a home for them on top of the bookshelf in the playroom . Thanks a million Uncle Danny for thinking of the girls ! They are quick to point out to any new visitors that come into their play room that they have new , beautiful heavy dolls ! : ) The girls started their new gymnastics classes a couple of Wednesday 's ago . They both have class at 3 : 30 but are on different sides of the gym so I get lots of excercise going back and forth trying to not miss a flip ! : ) Carli got to move over to the big gym . She looks so tiny over there with all those big girls . She is really enjoying getting to learn new things . Ava moved up to the Advanced Pre - School Class and is in class with Kenzie . She is one of the smaller girls in her class too . That usually does not stop her until she gets to the bars and they are set too high up for her to reach . : ) Keith came home from work a couple of weeks ago to tell us that the circus was in town . I was a little unsure about going given how the last one was when we took Carli . But , we figured we could always leave at intermission if it was much to be desired and at least it would give the girls to see the Tigers and Elephants again . Turns out this years circus was a lot better . They had trapeze artist , tight rope walkers and the girls favorite were the dog that looked like an elephant . : ) They still had a lot of ladies in need of a little more clothes , but the girls didn 't pay any attention to them . They kept a close eye on the clowns and animals instead ! I wasn 't sure anyone was having a good time b / c this is pretty much how their faces looked the ENTIRE time ! But as soon as intermission came and Carli asked if it was over and time to go home . When I asked her if she wanted to go home , she immediately replied NO ! Guess they are just taking it all in ! Carli is in Pre - K this year . She has Mrs . Chrissy and for the three days she has gone to school she has really loved it . Carli has always loved school , she doesn 't like new situations . I was nervous that she would have a harder time than usual since she may not know any of the kids but her good friend Sophia is in class with her and a couple of boys from summer class that she knew . She also has a good ratio of boys and girls . Last year at times it was just her and six boys ! Technically this was Ava 's first day of Pre - K 3 's . I was too lazy to make two signs . : ) Ava is such an easy going kid when it comes to new situations . She simply waltzed right into class and didn 't miss a beat . Her teacher is Mrs . Brooke . Mrs . Brooke has already bragged on Ava for being such an awesome little girl . She said Ava is simply a joy to have in class . If you ask her to do something she does and for a 3 year old that is a gem ! Ha ! One of my favorite pictures is from last years first day of school . I tried to recreate it b / c that would be really cool . This is the best I got before Ava turned around with a very worried look on her face that I was not going to walk her to class ! From all accounts the girls had a great first day ! They are excited to see what they learn in the year to come . Wow , they have grown a lot since last year . We had meet the teacher a few weeks ago - yes , school has already started . I 'm a little behind . The girls were just as excited to get to see and visit with their old teachers from last year as they were to see their new ones . Posted by Grammy & Pa have a pear tree at their lake house and it just happened that the pears were ready to be picked on Labor Day . The girls were quite excited to help with this job . We had a hard time getting Ava to understand that she couldn 't throw the pears into the box . Just because they are somewhat round , does not make a pear a good ball ! Two of my favorite pictures - look at those blue eyes ! Proudly displaying their finds ! They even enlisted the help of their Daddy to get some pears off the tree themselves ! We even brought a box of pears home with us to try to can ourselves . That maybe what we do this afternoon . It should be an interesting adventure in and of itself !
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I should start by stating his condition . . . he had something or another where his voice became so high pitched , almost like a whistle , that most people couldn 't understand him . A tall , hunched over man , he was often seen as a creep . . . and I would have never had the thought to treat him so if he hadn 't proved to be just that . This guy was straight up creepy . . . We were the CADD shop , and thus we worked with computers all the time . A friend of mine would often screw around on the internet all day instead of doing his work . Sometimes , this teacher would walk up behind him , place his skinny hands on my friend 's shoulders , and begin to massage them . He 'd then bring his head to his ear and ask , " Are you doing your work , there , Tyler ? " This happened often enough that we reported the issue to administration , where it seems they had a talk with him . He apologized to Tyler , lifting his hands in the air for show and saying , " I 'm not gonna touch you , okay ? " I think he did anyway , if memory serves me correctly . Poor Tyler . . . I can honestly say he was sort of molested . In the end of our last year , this teacher looked over someone 's shoulder at the yearbook , saw him , and I quote , " That is an awful nice picture of Tyler there . " This is not near the extent of how idiotic this guy could get . . . he couldn 't teach , and I was one to know . If you asked him about any topic at all , he would ignore your question and start explaining how to do everything . " This is the line command , " sort of thing . We knew the basics , but we needed specific help . I was selected , during my junior year , for a competition , where I lost due to not knowing how to properly model a feature . I presented the problem to him on multiple occasions , and each time , he 'd shove his finger under his chin , glare at the screen , and without saying a word , walk away as if nothing had been said . He fell back on his disability , I believe . Must have claimed that we couldn 't understand him or some shit like that , but this man could not teach . He was horrible at his job and molested my friend . . . I never hated a teacher so much in my life . In 7th grade I had a geography teacher who didn 't understand the concept of " people with disabilities " . Not only did she needlessly bully me to the point of humiliation for being diagnosed with aspergers , but she flipped her shit when another girl in the class couldn 't read the board when she was asked . Not even when everyone else pointed out to her that the girl in question was blind . In highschool my science teacher was doing a math problem on the board for some reason or another . She did it incorrectly . I pointed this out to her . She refused to believe me . I insisted . She told me to come up to the board and prove it . I did so . A fellow classmate who was also in my math class confirmed it . I was kicked out of the room for being too good at math . The next year I was in a different science class that was very rowdy . I offered to bring the teacher a whistle from my job . She accepted . The next day I bring the whistle in but she isn 't there . I go to put the whistle in her desk when the teacher from the previous year , the one who kicked me out of class for being too good at math , walks by and see me . She says to me " put that back where you got it " . I say " ok " . Yeah , I decided to be a smartass . I put the whistle back in my pocket . She says " I told you to put that back where you got it " . I said " I did " . I was hauled down to the principles office and she left . Principle asked me what happened . I told him . He , no joke , chuckled and told me to go back to class . When I was in Public School ( in Canada - equivilent to Elementary , grades 1 to 12 , age 5 to age 15 ) , my teachers and support staff were convinced I had a crippling learning disability . I wasn 't writing and reading from the chalk board . They scared the hell out of my mother suggesting I might be autistic and might be sent to a special school for special children . They did a battery of tests for a whole month , I met countless experts and specialists . What did they learn ? This month of testing nevertheless branded me as " special " in the eyes of my Grade 10 teacher . She refused to sign me up for the Enrichment program ( a special program for students who perform excellently ) because I was once suspected of having autism ( at this point thee tests were done over four years ago ) - and totally ignoring my grades ( which were excellent ) . My mother came and talked with my teacher but she wouldn 't budge . So I flew through my Grade 10 lessons ( Enrichment is not as great as it sounds - you actually have to do harder work ) . My teacher then began complaining I was completing my work too fast and sat around doing nothing . In a rare display of maturity I ignored her complaints for the rest of the school year - although you could say I was faking autism when she would talk to me and I would stare at a blank wall and not listen to her . Yeah I was a bit of a punk that year . In year 10 we had some ring in teacher for the year for " Australian Studies " . The guy was totally useless . We ended up having to do half a semesters work in the last 2 weeks because he had not met the minimum requirements of what to teach us . Turns out most of the stuff he had taught us did not meet the requirements of the curriculum . We did really screw with him though . About halfway through the semester we were having a lesson in the library which we did at least once a week because he was obsessed with the library . Someone at our table came up with the genius idea of taking the security strip out of a book and slipping it into the book he kept a record of marks in , that he always carried with him . For the rest of the year every time he went through the library security the alarm would go off . You would think it would get old after a while , it did not . In year 5 I had a teacher who told the class to write a horror story . However , she expected us to write a horror story with NO supernatural elements , NO death or even threat of death , and NO ' scary ' situations . I ended writing a story about giant bugs . Maybe she misunderstood and thought that by ' giant bugs ' I meant simply ' large ' rather than ' Spiders the size of a van ' . In my high school , I had an RE teacher who somehow gave people different marks for the EXACT same notes . She also got pissed off if you didn 't subscribe to her exact idea of Christianity . And only gave us a few days for projects that other teachers would give us weeks for . My Geography teacher was an enigma . She was amicable half the time , and then the other half a crazy bitch with a vendetta against the world . I don 't know if I found it admirable or not that she admitted she only did teaching for the money . Threw my file on the floor for no real reason , and then shouted at me for starting a piece of work 2 minutes early . . . because I had finished the work before and had nothing else to do . Got my revenge when she pointed to Thailand on a map and called it ' Vietnam ' . I got some happiness from calling her out on that . My history teacher was a huge , burly welsh motherfucker . He was a dick , but at least an equal opportunity dick ; I don 't think that there was anyone in my class that he hadn 't ripped the shit out of by the end . I think he thought it was all in good fun though , and I don 't really feel scarred by the experience . The ( former ) head teacher was an fucking bitch as well . She didn 't respect the opinions of any of the student body at all , she was a fucking control - freak megalomaniac , and the school only kept her on because she was good at accounting or something . I remember in year 7 she threatened to exclude me for being in the same area as some ' trouble makers ' ( who were picking up rocks and rolling them down the hill ) . Had this insane personal vendetta against litter ( trash for the yanks in the audience ) . Listen , I think it looks dirty , but she took it to a whole new level . Our school field was also a public park , and she threatened to stop us going on the school field COMPLETELY because members of the public weren 't putting their litter in bins . She gave people after - school detentions for not picking up pieces of litter that they hadn 't dropped and hadn 't even noticed . my year 10 english teacher . why ? well , we did reading often , of old books ( not my complaint , most of them were really good ) but he ALWAYS picked the people who read p - a - i - n - f - u - l - l - y - s - l - o - w - l - y . whereas everyone else could read normally , it was always the them . when i finally blew up at him , his justification was " they need practice " . that did it . PRACTICE ! ? i , and about 5 other people bellowed . THEY SUCK AT READING . 6 YEAR OLDS READ FASTER THAN THOSE IDIOTS . IT HAS BEEN ALMOST A YEAR , AND NO ONE IS GETTING ANY BETTER . the slow readers were moved to the lowest class . ( i was in middle - higher set ) i visited the lowest class , or " mixed ability " once . they looked miserable . In Highschool . . . I don 't know . I 've probably repressed a couple of memories . Only the scatterbrained physics teacher comes to mind , who reportedly did things like sending batteries via mail and , in order to whatever secure them or something , had wrapped them in silver foil . Uhm . - There 's the head of study talking about the awesome blessings of the " Experience City " only to conclude his lecture by giving an example of what he sees as a " great , wonderful " incarnation of said concept - and it 's a fucking mall . A fancy mall , okay , but a mall nonetheless . A privately owned space with private rules some of which cut down most basic civil rights . A place where the only experience to be made is to dutifully contribute to the system by being a good consumer . Which makes another experience quite likely , namely to be interrogated by the private security company for . . . like . . . I duono , anything else . Taking photographs . Exercising the right of free speech . - Or , that one professor of Film & Television Sciences ( who did not own a TV ) completely failing at anything even loosely related to common sense . We were discussing this commercial and why the chicken wing was replaced with a model car in a later version . His answer / his teaching was somethingsomething sexual connotation . In a commercial that tells us a story about beer being drunk from bellybuttons . It was not the fact that a greasy , leftover chicken wing from the night before , put into a parcel and sent to France would arrive as a stinking , poisonous piece of rot , and disgust might not be a suitable way to sell a drink . - Something more practical : We needed a computer for an installation . Not an Excel or Word installation , but something running graphics in 2011 , you know . . . What we were given was a nicotine beige huge tower that had a floppy drive . You remember those ? The gfx card was already low end when it was introduced about more than 8 years ago . I tested it and the framerate was , if anything , about . 3 - now this machine was given to us from someone who , according to this education should be something like someone who knows stuff about stuff and should care at least a tad . Someone who had repeatedly told us , when we voiced concerns about technological matters , that we should not worry about a thing . What really riles me up about this story is that the installations from this project were supposed to run 24 / 7 for three weeks . So when we in the first week had to use our own computers ( that is : our internet accesses , our tools , our toys ) and naturally could not quite comply with the 24 / 7 rule , we received something like almost a threat about how we are going to fail the exam . My email explaining that we did not get ANY of the equipment promised to us was met with , and I try to quote " with all the great equipment provided by the school , there 's no excuse for not having it run all the time and I will check tomorrow morning whether it 's on again or not . " Oh , and it 's two teachers here . The first one just didn 't give a fuck , while proving his cluelessness long the way , the lady from the email exchange should seek treatment . Now , Im a special ed student , So we end up getting the nutcases . So i can go on about this all day . But i reall only have 1 teacher from 7th grade . First , in the entire yea we had 3 social studies lesson , all movies . You see , special ed teachers have too teach all subjects , even if they arent qualified , she didnt like social studies so we didnt do it . Math Lessons totaled maybe ten the entire year . And she always talked about how she had 3 husbands and had tea with the blue ranger . And she threw a fit when i tried to no get a special class only for special ed students , why ? Because i knew how to read already , and she didn 't like I i wanted to us a period to work at the libraryAnd worse ? I wasn 't done with her when i hit 8th grade because they decided to combine the 8th and 7th special ed reading classed ( which i just ended up pranking her with fake mouses ) When i was reading Jaws ( about 100x more complex then what she has us read ) she got upset because it was based off a movie ( other way around ) Then there was this teacher who gave a gay 200 % extra credit despite NOT even doing a single piece of homework , or the weights teacher who tried to upstage a kid who was born prematurely . Also a Sociology sub , This was my senior year , We where learning about criminals . She said we didnt need to learn that , and then proceeded to ask the entire class was they wanted to do when they grew up , when she got to me i said i plan on going to jail , she tok it seriously and forgot about me for the rest of the day . When we got back we all complained about her , we even gave her a nickname , Ms . Badunkadunk , because she has a huge behind . Remember this is the advance class . Just remembered another one . In second grade I had the most AMAZING teacher , she was awesome , understanding , and let us play with the LEGOs . However , she did the pregnancy leave thing , and was replaced with a B I T CH ! She was horrible , literally put a dunce cap on my head she made with cardboard and magic marker ( No , I 'm not kidding , this is the 21st century ) , and threatened to make us WASH HER FUCKING CAR instead of recess if we didn 't do her work . And a research methodology teacher who barely knew how computers work . We had so much fun with her . One day during break we made a printscreen of her desktop , set it as her wallpaper and deleted the icons on the desktop . When she came back , she wondered for a good ten minutes why the browser wouldn 't start when she clicked on the icon . She ended up sending us home early . Another time someone plugged a wireless mouse in her computer and started moving it around . She thought it was a virus . I think the worst I had was my Humanities teacher my 12th grade year . She had tenure ( which I 'm not sure if it 's just an American thing or a teacher in general thing but it 's basically after so many years of teaching that unless said teacher is caught in a sex scandal with a student or commits murder or some other " really bad crime " they basically can 't be fired and have to leave voluntarily ) and my mum was told that because of it the school couldn 't do anything . But basically she told all the parents that she wasn 't there to teach her students because they were old enough to not have to be taught ( seriously ? then what the hell was your job ? ) . Kicked me out of class for half the class and made me sit in the hallway for " not doing my homework " because I had questions pertaining to the reading material ( we were reading catch 22 . Not a book for high school students if you 're not willing to help your students understand it . Hell I own the book and have read it 5 times since and still don 't understand the fucking book ) and unlike usual where she would go over the chapter THEN give us a test to see if we understood our reading material she gave us the test first and since I had a full 2 pages of regular college - ruled notebook paper both sheets front and back with questions on one chapter from the book AND had gone to my neighbour who graduated with a 4 . 0 gpa and neither him nor his family could help me understand it , I wrote " I did not understand the chapter and since you didn 't answer questions prior to this test i cannot answer this question " I apparently didn 't read the chapter . I was like bitch , I spent 5 hours on this one chapter analysing it and trying to understand it , don 't tell me that I didn 't do my homework . And the coupé de grace was when I got my test back she wrote on it " I go over all the chapters at the beginning of the class to help you understand it " . My mum raised hell over that . Not to mention she put me in between two boys who liked to talk constantly and I 'd be constantly taking notes on what she was Bagged Milk 164 POSTED : 3 Aug 2012 06 : 36 kortin : Also , my 5th grade math teacher was racist . Against white people . It was okay though , until he said something that upset my black friend . Then it really was racism . Remember guys , it 's okay to be racist against white people , but if you upset a person of any other skin color , it 's racism . Then they looked into his records , found that every single white kid in the class was consistently lower than any other skin color , looked into it more and found that the low grades were not deserved . I had a teacher that was kind of like that , although she didn 't give lower grades to white kids ( well I wouldn 't really know , I was kind of a poor student and was one of the 3 other white kids in the school ) . It was 6th grade and she would single out me and the one asian girl because we weren 't black . She would criticize me because I wasn 't a minority and how my ancestors enslaved all the other kids ' ancestors . Mrs . Burden was a burden . Dastardly : And this one teacher , I 'd ask him for a fish and he wouldn 't give it to me . Instead , he 'd give me this stick with a string on it . And I 'm like , " Jackass , neither of these is a fish . " And then he 'd make me do these stupid activities like tying the string to the stick , or flicking it to and fro in some hilarious waste of time . He even gave us written instructions so we could " practice . " Every damn day . He was probably just marking time ' til retirement . The whole time , we 're all like , " Dammit , where 's our fish ? " But he would just ignore our complaints and give us the whole " You 'll get it when you 're older " routine . this is brilliant . Reminds me of a teacher I had last year whom many hated because he never did anything for us . Best teacher I 've ever had and all he did was tell us " go do this project " he forced us to figure out how to do it . It made me teach myself how to code in HTML and CSS , I taught myself practically the entire Adobe suite ! Although he was kind of a dick , he liked me and was less dickish to me . The only case that springs to mind is when we had a substitute for Music for the hour we usually practice in ( No big band stuff or anything , we just practice songs in groups and perform them for a grade ) , and she handed us a worksheet that seemed to have been made for kindergarteners . 10 minutes later , everyone 's finished and being bored , so I ask the logical question : " Ma ' am , since we usually do that during this hour and we 've all finished tee worksheet , could we go practice ? " " No ! Go make your homework ! " Also a fun one , something that can happen to anyone , but during a dropping ( our class went to Survival Camp ! ) we had a large group , led by two teachers . Their GPS did not work for some reason , and they started leading us to what some believed to be the wrong direction . A small group splintered off the main group , me among them , and we got back to the camp a full two hours before the main group ( with both teachers ) did . Not retarded , but pretty funny . Now before you all go saying I just did a shitty speech , I didn 't . At the time of my speech she said it sounded wonderful then asked for the palm card . Next class I had with her she gave me a 0 based on what I had written down . For a speech . My tenth grade chemistry class was a consisted of a teacher that couldn 't teach teaching out of a book that there was nothing to learn from . A vast majority of the class consisted of learning stuff that we had already learned the year before , or stuff that we had known since sixth grade . It was a quarter of the way through the school year before we learned about moles , aka one of the most basic things of chemistry . And this was the supposedly advanced class . When the advanced class moves more slowly than the regular class , you know there 's a problem . Another example is my AP US History teacher in 11th grade . We didn 't even get past World War II . When it got to the AP test , he was wondering why he wasn 't able to get through all the stuff . I wonder , maybe if you hadn 't spent three weeks watching movies and videos that had no educational value , we would have gotten through everything . That reminds me of a substitute we had for German who was a massive bitch . The group I was working with had finished all of our work , so we were chatting . She told us to be quiet and work on something , to which we responded that we had nothing to work on . So she told us to write a story ( in German ) , so we decided to write it about her , and how much of a bitch she was . Then , at the end of class , she took it from us to give to the normal teacher ( the substitute didn 't know any German ) . The regular teacher found it very amusing . Prepare yourselves . In one of my Biology lessons ( AS year 12 level ) , a student asked if an " Ami - oba " ( he meant Amoeba ) could be used as an example of a bacteria ( when we all knew that amoeba was a protoctista not bacteria ) , and my Biology teacher just replies " Yes Yes " Ami - oba " is alright as long as you write it with a capital letter " ( the rule is write the names with a capital letter ) . Bloody hell . . . EDIT : OH and my old Geography teacher . He never gets anything done in lessons ( unless he is being observed by other teachers ) , students just talk all the time . Apparently he has had 3 straight lessons where has left his zipper un - done and every double period we have , he goes to the toilet to take a dump for like 15 minutes . 1 . A PE teacher : In Britain PE / sport is mandatory up until the age of 16 . In my school this was handled by actually teaching the people who were studying sports for a GCSE and getting the rest to just play games of sport which in my opinion was fair enough . On top of this everyone was arranged into ability sets . I was in bottom set ( I have a condition that affects hand - eye coordination ) but still liked playing sport so I liked this arrangement . Then there was a certain teacher . This teacher believed that the best way to enthuse the seriously unfit and those who could not give a shit about exercise was " Health Related Fitness " . HRF consisted of a couple of basic sports science lessons ( how certain foods effect health , energy release etc . ) and then lots of running around in big circles . . . literally . Now I had a friend in this set who didn 't like this and was a bit disruptive . Standard practice for a punishment in a PE lesson was run a lap of the field . The teacher gave this punishment to him . . . in a lesson where running laps of the field was the task , I pointed this out and I too had to run laps of the field ! He was too stupid to realize it 's not a punishment if that 's what we were doing anyway 2 . A Spanish Teacher : Going into GCSE we had to choose one language between Spanish and French . I chose Spanish and this teacher who was head of languages called me into his office to try and convince me that with my grades so far I 'd be better off doing French as I was on a ' D ' in Spanish and an ' A ' in French - I still did Spanish . Fast forward to the end of GCSE and I come out with an ' A ' in Spanish . He then gave the ' improvement award ' to someone who went into GCSE on an E and came out with a D . as E to D is of course a better improvement from D ( supposedly ) to A . confirmed my suspicion that I was never on D at the beginning he just didn 't want me to take SpanishAlso this teacher hated and punished all the people that were good at his subject and praised and was nice to all the ones who were not who also misbehaved the most . 3 . A Design and Technology Teacher : could go on for hours about this bloke . He was controlling ( he would never let you do your own ideas ) , Paranoid ( He constantly thought people were taking pictures of him and apparently he went to his union about students in his A level course as he was sure they were all using webcams on the laptops they used to secretly film him - I wouldn 't put it past him to sit at home with a Tin foil hat ) and had favorites - If he didn 't like you you got a bad mark regardless . Not only this he was capable of some extreme bullshit stories . some of my favorites : Year 7 Resistant Materials teacher - While he was a hilarious teacher , he wasn 't very good at a very important aspect of being a teacher - Teaching . All he really did all day was mess about , watching YouTube videos or sending texts on his phone for the entire lesson once he had explained what we needed to do , god forbid that he would have to get up and help you if you were stuck . So if you asked him something , he would just say " do it yourself " or " ask another student " . At one point I had lost my motor for a project that I had been working on , and because he didn 't want to get up and help me , I just sat at my work station for 2 hours doing nothing until the project had finished . Year 10 chemistry teacher - I hate this teacher , I really , really do , like my year 7 RM teacher , he cant teach , he just cant , no matter how much he tries he cannot control the class or get his point across to anyone . Now this was a problem since we had our first chemistry GCSE exams coming up within the next few weeks . And we had learned NOTHING , zilch , nada . So we were all well and truly screwed . He wouldn 't even let me take a science book home to revise from . Once the exams were over , what better thing could he do than go over the whole of the 3 courses AGAIN within 3 weeks , and " teach " us it like we 've never done it before . He needs to burn .
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About a month ago , I started trying to come up with a system of organization . I am a scatterbrained , messy - ish , clutter - thriving , artisty girl . I am a multi - tasker . It is both my strength and my weakness . It helps me to accomplish a lot of things . But it also means that sometimes little things get ignored , or I get things all out of order . I jump from project to project to keep from getting too bored with something . I am pretty sure I have un - diagnosed ADD . But , Lord knows , I don 't need another diagnosis or another daily medication prescribed to me . See my recent post about my journey with epilepsy and the rise and fall and re - rise of my medication experience . For all of these reasons , I decided I needed to come up with a way to make sense of the organized chaos in my head . My " crochet / sewing / random creative endeavors " business has gone from a hobby that sometimes gave me a little extra spending money to somewhat of a second job . I wouldn 't call it a second full - time job yet . However , I feel it would be justifiable to say that I have 1 . 5 jobs . . . 2 . 5 jobs if parenting counts as a job . . . 3 . 5 jobs if each kid counts as a separate job ( I have two little boys ) . . . and 4 . 5 jobs if being a wife to an amazing husband counts as a job . So let 's just say that I have four and a half jobs right now . One day I hope to reduce my day jobs to three and a half . I love my husband and my boys and can 't picture my life without any of them . And I can 't imagine a life that doesn 't involve me making things in one way or another . You do the math . That being said , I really need to see how it all adds up . I need to see how I am really using my time and how productive I can be . I need to see what all I am accomplishing , and have proof that I can eventually make MAKING THINGS my " full - time " job . I need visual AND ARTSY evidence that what I think can be done really can be done . . . in real life . . . not just in my dreams . I could go in the direction of Excel spreadsheets like most entreprenuers , but even looking at Times New Roman font when I am typing on my computer bores me . And I don 't like numbers . I know . . . I know . . . I have to like numbers . I can at least make them tolerable if I write them on paper in pretty handwriting with colorful fine - tipped markers . SO . . . I scoured Pinterest and pinned fun planner / organizer pins to my Pinterest boards ( go browse my boards and pin away ) . As I researched , I fell in love with the Filofax system . I saw planners made by people whose brains worked like mine did . Check them out and see what I fell in love with . The one that I loved the most was from " A Bowl Full of Lemons . " Filofaxes are just glorified planners exploding with color and personalization and randomness that make order from the chaos that is the mind of an artist . The more I saw of it , the more I loved . I did see some downfalls , but I felt that I NEEDED A FILOFAX . . . NO MATTER WHAT . . . and I NEEDED ONE TODAY ! . . . or at least before January 1st , because it is pointless if I can 't start off the year perfectly organized ( or at least that is how I thought of it ) . 1 . The ring placements and paper size are very specific so I couldn 't just put anything in it . I needed special paper with special holes . I was willing to cough up the extra bucks because there were paper inserts that seemed to meet all of my needs . I thought that could probably get expensive , but WORTH IT ! 2 . The outside of the Filofaxes are all the same , different fun colors , but basically all the same . However , I could get over that by putting fun clippy thingy 's on my pages that stuck out to the outside of the book . WORTH IT ! 3 . I would have to break out of my shopping store comfort zone . If you know Soddy Daisy , Tennessee , ( which you don 't know if you don 't live here ) , you know there aren 't a lot of options . Unless I want to drive 30 minutes , my options are slim pickings . Within a 10 minute drive , I have a Bi - Lo ( I mean Food City ) , a dollar store , Cottage Closet ( an adorable little consignment store ) , and a Wal - Mart . If I drive 25 minutes , my options are a little broader . That is where the closest medium - sized town mall is located . That 's where you can find your standard pool of restaurants . And that is the outer limits of my shopping comfort zone : * Wal - mart if necessary . . . I don 't hate it . It just isn 't my first , second , or third choice . But it is my last . So picture this . I leave my two boys at home with my hubby and have one hour to shop before I have to go to the neurologist for another follow - up appointment ( same old song and dance ) . I went to Staples . It wasn 't going to be traumatic because Hobby Lobby was in the same shopping center and if I needed some retail therapy I could go recover there ( and buy fabric remnants , because you can never have enough fabric remnants ) . So there I was , bopping joyfully into Staples on a mission to find the brightest Filofax cover and the most colorful calendar inserts and as many cheap things to cutesy it up as possible . And I didn 't care how much it cost ( well to some extent ) , because it was . . . wait for it . . . WORTH IT ! So there I was , walking straight past the woman getting coached on how to hook up her new printer to her first ever laptop , to the planner aisle . I looked high . I looked low . And I saw nothing that even looked Filofax - esque even in the least . Then I thought , " hey , I bet it has it 's own little section of the store if there are whole Pinterest boards devoted to it . " You probably could have seen a light - bulb above my head . But it went out quickly after I searched the whole store with no luck . I walked out like a puppy with its tail between its legs . I was bummed to say the least . Then I thought that there was a slight chance that Target would have them , or at least something similar , because Target is hip and trendy like that . Yes , I used the words hip and trendy , and hip and trendy are not hip and trendy words anymore , but sue me . Target is hip and trendy . So surely they had Filofax . WRONG ! They had neither Filofax nor anything like it . After a quick Google search , I discovered that Filofax is a UK thing . And there is no K in my corner of the woods , just an S . By that time , I knew I HAD to go home with a planner . So I made it my mission to thriftify and Americanize the heck out of my planner . I was going to make the coolest Filofax wannabe on a thrifty - ish budget . I made 5 sections in Milo : Planner , Orders , Motivation , Blog , and Accomplished . And I did a practice for my page - a - day planner . I have 5 more tabs to determine behind these . I will probably use them for the not as fun businessy numbers stuff like expenses and such . Read the Facebook post I am sharing first . It is SUPER IMPORTANT . . . especially for the mommies and soon - to - be mommies I know . This shared post is from my mother in law . That means this post is about my father in law . . . who I love . We got a call on Friday morning on our way out of town that Bruce was in the hospital because he couldn 't breathe . . . next update was he was put on a ventilator . . . then that he had bacteria in his blood . . . all extremely scary updates to be getting when we are on the other side of the country for Christmas . And all of this because of a rare strain of influenza . All of which could have been prevented if that strain had been wiped out by shots that are available to every child but some parents are scared to give their kids . There are consequences for more than just your child if you decide not to give them life - saving and others - saving vaccines . This wonderful man doesn 't have a facebook so I can 't tag him . But I have to share just how much I love him . I don 't say this to brag but to tell you that this kind of love exists and not to settle for anything less . It has been exactly 5 years since this moment when he looked at me in this picture as I walked down the aisle . And he still looks at me like that . Five years after our wedding day we are even more in love than we were then . We first met in January of 2008 and look at us now . Back then we were just college students all wrapped up in giddy feelings and butterflies and " young love . " Full of " I love yous " and " I love you more . " And now we are parents full of the same things . No , those moments are not as often as before . Now we have grown up jobs . We have many more bills and I 'm not talking dollars . We have a nonstop 2 - year - old bundle of energy and a cuddly bundle of cuteness that still cries a lot . We have lots of dirty diapers and wet or dry pull ups . Bed time doesn 't start when we are ready to go to sleep . We have two hyper dogs , lots of laundry , a load of dishes every night . We have lots of doctors appointments . Getting ready for work isn 't a 20 minute process but now about an hour long ordeal . And there isn 't anyone I would rather spend the madness with . Life is still crappy sometimes . It gets hard and messy and downright sad sometimes . We get homesick . We get mad then we get over it . We stress out then realize it 's not a big deal in the big scheme of things . Life isn 't easy . It 's not perfect . I 'm not perfect . He 's not perfect . But together we are perfect . This post will start with a rant and end with a plea . I will need you to share it with anyone who will listen for more reasons than one . This video will give you a preface to what I have to say . Please watch it . It is a message that needs to be heard . It may not apply to you but it applies to my family and me . Her story is much like mine . My struggle was not depression but it took the same path . My journey started in 8th grade with a grand mal seizure ( or whatever the medical term is now when you fall to the ground unconscious , shake violently , and stop breathing ) . I woke up in an ambulance with no knowledge of why I was there . I don 't really remember the events that put me there . But I was told after returning to normal that I had flirted with the paramedic in the spongbob scrubs . Allegedly when I was asked why I was going to the hospital I said that I passed out in front of Target . In actuality , it had happened while channel surfing with my cousin in a dark basement . After a cocktail of medical tests : MRI , EEG , cat scan , and blood tests , I was sent home drug free . The doctors said that a lot of people have one seizure and never have another one . So they sent me on my way . Hooray , I had left with a clean bill of health and no percriptions For a long time , it looked like the doctors were right . I started high school and immediately found my niche , passion , love , and gift in running . With running came many things . . . people who would , over the four years of high school , become my lifelong friends , endless incredible memories of victories , pains of defeat , and the opportunity to finish college debt - free . My junior year of high school revolved around me trying to decide what NCAA school I wanted to run for . I went on official recruiting visits to Clemson , Auburn , and University of Georgia . My junior year track season ended with a second place finish in the state track meet . I was ready to win it all my senior year . My one focus the summer before my senior year was to run as far and as fast as I could . I almost doubled my weekly mileage and practically lived at Tribble Mill Park or the shoulder of roads around Grayson , Georgia . I was topping off my last summer of high school with a week of running camp at UGA . I fell in love with it all . . . the town , the track , the " SEC hype , " the campus , the waffles in the cafeteria , and the crappy dorm rooms . I was convinced I was meant to be a running bulldog . By the end of the week , the coaches were convincing me they could see me there , too . I was living large , just short of prideful . I had it all laid out . I could picture the red and black uniform with way too short shorts . It was our last cross country summer practice . I was running and fell back behind my teammates a bit . I figured I was just tired from the week of running camp . Then my vision got blurry . I couldn 't run any more . So I started walking but my feet felt like lead . A couple passed me walking the other direction on the trail . They asked if I was okay . In my head I was saying , " no , I need help . " But no words came out . So I just nodded and kept walking . That was the last thing I remember . . . a blurry couple walking past me smiling . Then few of my teammates found me on their way back to their cars to end their run . Two of them slumped me over their shoulders and tried to carry me to our coach . One of them sprinted ahead to tell him and our parents , " I think Meredith just had a seizure . " The next thing I remember is getting hoisted into the front seat of one of the x - c moms ' SUVs and taken to the hospital . The whole ride I was conscious . I don 't know who I was with . All I knew was I couldn 't move or answer any of their questions . At the hospital later I didn 't recognize my parents right away . I threw up a lot . My brain and my body were a mess . And it took a long time and lots of different PERSCRIBED drugs ( in case any of you were wondering if I had a drug problem ) to get them back to normal . Walking out of the hospital was stepping into the my new reality as we searched for a medicine to fix what was broken . Pill # 1 - Topamax ( used for depression and / or epilepsy ) In a very short period of time I lost about 20 pounds . I literally stopped eating . I would be so hungry then after one bite I would be stuffed and sickened by the sight of food . I was the skinniest runner at all of the meets . And that says a lot . I was running terribly . Every college that used to call me after all of my races stopped calling . I was lucky if I finished races . My mom thought I was anorexic because I was trying to lose weight and run faster . I told her even if I was it wasn 't working . But I wasn 't . I thought , maybe I was anorexic . It definitely wasn 't a conscious decision so maybe I was messed up in the head . She took me to an eating specialist . As soon as she looked at my chart she diagnosed me with " involuntary anorexia . " She said I wasn 't the first one she saw on Topamax . She informed us that doctors also prescribed it as a diet pill . No doctor had ever told us that . That wasn 't on the pill bottle . But I hadn 't had any seizures since I started it . So instead of changing my neurologic medicine , the eating specialist told my mom she could mix this powder into my food to Drug # 2 - I forgot the names . I can 't pronounce them anyways so what 's the point ? This one made me forget everything . . . . what I had studied , what class was next , my best friends ' names every now and then . And I was very angry very easy . That drug didn 't last long . Drug # 3 - . . . . didn 't last long either . I had night terrors . Not nightmares . . . terrors . One night , at 17 years old , I jumped out of bed screaming and ran downstairs and jumped into bed with my parents . I told them there was a praying mantis in my room . They laughed . I said I would laugh too because they don 't bite but this one was human - sized and laying on my chest . It sounded just as crazy to me but I swore I wasn 't crazy and I wasn 't going back to my room til they killed it . And I said all of this wide awake . Not sleeptalking . Drug # 4 - Lamictal - my miracle drug . . . for a while . My seizures went away and no side effects came . I started feeling healthy again . . . and running fast too . At state my senior year I got 3rd in the two - mile then broke my finger at the starting line of the mile . . . but that 's another story . But it was too late for my dream schools . They had moved on to greener pastures . . . TRUE DEFINITION OF A BLESSING IN DISGUISE . But then as life changed or miles increased or stress went up so did my dosage but it worked and still works mostly . Drug # 5 - . . . still up for debate but seems good so far . The Lamictal seemed to be slacking on its job lately . No seizures but recently my brain has kind of been in slow motion . . . slurred speech . . . forgetting what I am doing . . . forgetting words like accommodation in IEP meetings . No good . I guess two babies under age 3 and a stressful job can throw off chemical imbalances and mess with seizure medicine . But so far so good with the 750mg a day total thay I take to keep my brain working how it should . But this post is about the necessary evil that is modern medication . I have it to blame . But more than that I have it to thank . Not too long ago a person like me might be institutionalized . Instead I am nearly seizure - free and have a husband , two kids , and a job teaching other people 's kids . I freaked out when I realized my oldest son had epilepsy , too . He was having 12 or so staring seizures a day as a one - year - old . I was more scared to medicate him than I was to see him freeze for 30 seconds at a time . Then I was told that it was going to have to happen when he started falling behind in school even if he only missed 30 seconds of instruction a day . I was reminded it is a necessary evil . Drug # 1 - The go - to drug for infants with epilepsy . Promises of very little side effects . Wrong . He started hitting and biting almost immediately . We didn 't want a baby with aggression headed into the terrible twos . Drug # 2 - Lamictal - They tried it on him because it worked on me , but they didn 't seem convinced it would work . And now it works for both of us . But he went from sleeping through the night on his own to hardly sleeping at all . Drug # 3 - suggestion . . . some kind of sleep medicine drops . . . we just worked through it . Sometimes it still needs work . But a little less sleep is better than seizures or a doped - up toddler . All that to say , there is no shame in getting help , even if it is in the form of medication . Now , this can not be an argument for illegal self - medicating or self - harming drugs . Doctors may not fix things the first time but I am proof they can help if you let them . So here 's to you doctors . Thank you . But also remember that what you write on prescription papers will have an impact on every patient : their health , their moods , their families , and their wallets . Don 't prescribe nonchalantly . Take it easy on our bodies , our brains , and our wallets . Over Thanksgiving break , I had family and friends here I don 't get to see very often staying in my house . I have an amazing husband who is an answer to many prayers I prayed long before we met at Scenic Land School . I have two incredible boys who are growing and changing and learning faster than I can blink my eyes . And I feel blessed that I am getting to watch that happen . Without really thinking about it , the spirit of Thanksgiving swept over me like a gust of wind and shifted my perspective . I am not a pessimist , but lately I have been seeing the wrong side of things . Yet , I seem to have it all straightened out in my mind . 1 . The world is not primarily dark . Yes , there is evil and hate in the world . There is lots of it . The latest mass - murders in San Bernardino , California have made that all too clear . But light and love still shine stronger . Lately , I have noticed the stars . My son asks to go see them every time we get home after dark . He stares up at the sky and says , " Jesus made that . " 2 . No , I don 't always love my job . But I love the people I do my job for . No , I didn 't miss my work over Thanksgiving break , but I did miss the young people I try to serve . No , I didn 't miss their snarky attitudes or their laziness . But when I go more than two days without my students , I find myself wondering if they were having a good Thanksgiving , too . 3 . Yes , my oldest son is two . And yes , he can sometimes exhibit the stereotypical behaviors of one who is two . But I am treasuring watching him learn to be a person . I love his incessant drive to do exactly what he wants to do with every ounce of seemingly endless energy he possesses . I love the way Shea loves and protects and shows genuine concern for his baby brother . 4 . I love Shea 's baby brother , Patten . There is not much learn or observe about him yet . But what I have learned and observed about him , I love . I love his little neck rolls , and leg rolls , and arm rolls . I love his squishy chunky cheeks , with or without his dry flakey skin . I love his quick , not - quite - yet laugh and his open - mouthed smile . And I love how his favorite person to watch is his big brother . 5 . Yes , there are a lot more family members that couldn 't be with us for Thanksgiving than the ones that could . And yes , it would be much easier and more convenient for all of the people we love to be one big happy family all living just around the corner . But for more reasons than one , that just isn 't the case . But how blessed are we to have so many loved ones to miss ? 6 . Sure , there are plenty of things I would change if I could . But I have way more things that I wouldn 't change FOR THE WORLD ! This is a rag quilt I just completed . . . well , minus the last step of washing and drying it . I still don 't have that super - awesome ruffled fillyness ( I know , that isn 't a word , but it should be ) that comes from a trip through the washer and dryer . But you get the picture . I wrote this angry prayer not so long ago after the terrorist attacks in Paris . But it seems the # hashtags # keep coming . The latest one I saw was # HealOurOrLANDo plastered across a billboard in Chattanooga . A touching gesture and attempt at solidarity . One city struck by terrorism extending an embrace to another now facing the same hoping a billboard means something . What else is there to do ? Yes , it happened here , too . We know the pain of having to say , " stuff like that just doesn 't happen here . " That statement is beginning to lose its shock value . Too many people have said the same thing . But what can we do ? Now we both have a hashtag to go with our city . How tragic it is that cities are literally trending by terrorism ? # Orlando is no longer just recordings of vacation memories . It 's no longer just smiling faces by the beach . Now is survivor photos , memorial photos , photos of people sobbing , artistic expressions of grief . What can we do ? I know . We will give it a clever hashtag . That will fix it . PS - I really pray from the bottom of my heart that this doesn 't make anyone doubt the God that I pray to or his goodness or his faithfulness or his love . My prayer is that you know it 's okay to ask why . Jesus asked why that time , too . I figure if he can pray an angry prayer I can , too . But don 't ask me why , God hasn 't answered me yet . Lately , I am enjoying devoting some of my time to blogging about life and teaching and parenting and making things . And for some reason , people have started to notice . Today I learned something pretty exciting . Truth is . . . I am still trying to figure that out . I have a few ideas , but really , I am not positive of anything . Here is what I do know . 1 . I started trying harder . I really love writing but had strayed away from it for a while . I got distracted by the munchkins and the orders and the life . But then I realized something . Why not write about the munchkins and the orders and the life ? Why not make my distractions work to my advantage . It 's easy to write about real life . I decided to let all of you in . . . whoever you are . 2 . I reached out . I stopped caring whether or not I would drive my friends crazy if I tagged them in a link on Facebook . I stopped thinking , " am I posting too many pictures of crocheted mermaid tails ? " . . . INSERT PICTURES OF CROCHETED MERMAID TAILS I stopped wondering if you guys were looking at your phones or ipads or computer screens thinking , " another quilt , Meredith , really ? " Because , frankly , I don 't care if some of you get tired of it . If some of you aren 't tired of it , and feel what I have to say is worth reading , or what I make is worth seeing , then it is okay if a few of you have had enough of me . There is that red block button you can click if you get tired of seeing my name . 2 . I got a little lucky . Somehow , some pretty cool people stumbled upon one of those pictures that I posted and decided they needed what I made . And then they decided they liked what I made . And then they decided to tell their 5 bajillion fans and friends that they liked what I made . And then those fans decided they wanted to be pretty cool themselves . And then I got very busy ! 3 . I got real about my feelings . I started writing about my frustrations . I started writing about all of the things I have to be thankful for . I started sharing my imperfections . I like when people are real with me so I figured I would give being real a shot . All of this traffic has led to more orders than I have ever had . I love making pretty things . Making pretty things makes me feel pretty good . Hence the name Feel Good Friday . 1 . I loved the COMPANY . My two - year - old has been struggling to have " nice hands " at daycare lately . He seemed to have gotten over his biting phase . . . knock on wood . . . and transferred right into hitting his friends for no reason . This has been one frustrated embarrassed mommy / teacher . But with the promise of seeing " The Snoopy Movie , " as he likes to call it , he " turned it around . " This week he has had nice hands and a nice mouth . So this afternoon a dear friend of ours watched our four - month - old and Mommy and Daddy took Shea on his first solo date since becoming a big brother . He even lugged his new Snoopy to the movie with him . Insert awwwwwes here . His old Snoopy had to be banished to his closet because he had chewed on its nose for so many nights we were afraid he would chew it off in his sleep . Pause in remembrance of " Blue Snoop Dog . " Thanks Blake and Kaitlyn for the dearly beloved almost furless friend . 3 . Snoopy looked oh so cuddly . I am not obsessed with animation or special effects or design , but all of those things in this movie were fantastic ! Despite having very modern animation , it still seemed very comic - cartoonish . We watched the 2 - D version of the movie so Shea and I wouldn 't have seizures , and still Snoopy looked like you could reach out and touch him . For some reason I noticed that Snoopy had just enough peach fuzz on the top of his head to make him appear petable . 4 . It seems my teacher friends and I aren 't the only ones who hate standardized testing . But they still threw in " standardized testing type vocabulary , " like diversified portfolio , conspire , aerodynamic , intellectual superiority , reproach . Get those kids ready for the ACT early why doncha . 5 . Charlie Brown had a pretty cool quilt on his bed . My dear friend just wrote a post about what it feels like to teach future generations of young people ( If any of my students are reading this , that is what you are so stop complaining that a teacher is calling you that . It is a term of endearment . ) Go read what she said before you read what I said . . . . https : / / molleeshannon . wordpress . com / 2015 / 11 / 05 / making - bootstraps - out - of - bare - feet / Seriously . . . read before you proceed ! I have taught far too many " Sadies " than I would like to believe in just five years of teaching . They have different stories . Their baggage is different . Their pain originates from different circumstances . Their stereotypes have different lingos . They speak a different language . Their yo is a y ' all and their glock is a rifle . They come from different types of " rough neighborhoods . " The thorn in their side comes from a different vine . But the stories are the same . . . empty plates , absent fathers , incarcerated mothers , pain that is driven to addictions , insecurity that breeds disorders , neglect that leads to rebellion . I tell these students to turn their circumstances into motivation to succeed . The question is , will that success be enough to change the direction of their future ? I sure as heck hope so . . . and pray so . . . and NEED so . I would love to say that teaching them is a joy , that I love going to work every day . At times that is true . But it is also painful and exhausting at other times . Seeing progress in these students is exhilarating . My heart races when I see something has finally " clicked " in those hardened minds . Sadly , I must admit that often a voice whispers , " I hope the world doesn 't break them . " And I do that often , I hope . And I pray . And I love them . Because what else is there to do but love them and teach them ? And hope and pray that my lessons and prayers will be enough . PS - Now let me say this before I get hate mail : this is not just about the small town that I teach in . I am not saying that this is every child I teach . I am not even saying that this is the majority of my students . There arePosted by If I was a color , I would be yellow . . . No , not in the physical sense of the word . I do not want yellow skin . I don 't wish to be jaundice . I would like to keep a healthy liver , thank you very much . That jaundice is a messy thing . No bilirubin lights for me . . . parents of premie babies , you know what I mean . I have been there . Click here to read the story of our little NICU baby . Yellow is speedy . . . this is both a strength and weakness . When I get an idea in my head I tend to chase after it with abandon . This drive has proven to be my greatest strength at times , andmy biggest flaw at others . It gets me to my destination faster , be it victory or defeat . Yellow is great for children . It grabs the attention of the minds of kiddos who are always on the move . It is the color of youth . " Tiny humans " like it . And I am a HUGE fan of " tiny humans . " Sometimes I have to take a break from big projects to work on some smaller ones . That is what I did this weekend . Ask if you are interested in making any orders . This post will start with a rant and end with a plea . I will need you to share it with anyone who will listen for more reasons than one . Th . . .
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After spending the morning of our first full day on Maui snorkeling and the morning of our second day snorkeling , MeLinda and I decide to try our hand at boogie boarding in the afternoon . Can 't be that hard - all you need is a board and some waves ? How bad can the waves be even little kids are doing it ? So we get out there and I 'm trying to figure out if I should wear my prescription sunglasses out there or go blind . I converse with MeLinda and she is debating the same topic with her non - prescription sunglasses but we decide to go with our glasses on . I should know better than to take MeLinda 's advice on sunglass care as she is the BTK of sunglasses . We get out there and a few tame waves come by and everything seems good . Then I 'm out about 50 feet from the beach and a big wave comes along and MeLinda and I go flying . Both pairs of glasses fly into the ocean and a set of expletives come from my mouth . I just lost a $ 400 pair of sunglasses in the ocean . MeLinda tells me to stay in the spot I am in and she is going to grab my snorkel gear ( which have prescription lenses ) so I can see if I can find them . Okay if you were to calculate the odds of finding anything in the ocean they would be slim . MeLinda and I once spent over an hour in a swimming pool looking for my wedding ring that flew off . So I put on the snorkel and start swimming around and within five minutes I find a pair of sunglasses . Holy cow , but of course they aren 't my glasses but they look like MeLinda 's so at least I saved her $ 10 pair . After another few minutes I find my pair and can 't believe my luck . I go back to MeLinda and hand her the glasses , turned out they weren 't hers . How many pairs of glasses are in the ocean ? About 30 minutes later a guy comes by and says he lost a pair of glasses . We found the owner of our other pair of prescription glasses . The beach has a communication network and once a pair of glasses are found word goes around and even ends up on Craigslist . Day 3 in Hawaii MeLinda and I take an excursion to Molokini Crater . We are looking forward to a day of snorkeling at what is considered by many as Maui 's top snorkel site and maybe some whale sightings on the boat trip out . On the ride out we are able to see several humpback whales from afar . Once we reach Molokini we hit the water and start snorkeling for about 20 minutes until I spot something a little out of the ordinary . Wasn 't sure what it was at first glance and then realize it 's a seal . Not only is it a seal but later on I find out it 's a Hawaiian monk seal , which is on the critically endangered list with only 1 , 100 remaining . They grow to be 7 feet and weight 400 pounds , but this one was smaller than full - grown . It was awesome swimming next to him and being close enough that he looked directly in my eyes and seeing his adorable face . He seemed happy to see us and didn 't make any effort to move away quickly . Then a few other snorkelers come by and act like total douches . They go swam aggressively toward the seal getting way too close , and the seal growls and quickly moves away . MeLinda yells at the asshats but they aren 't paying any attention and wouldn 't care they ruined an awesome snorkeling experience . Why couldn 't this have been one of those episodes when animals attack ? I didn 't want the guy killed but being a little roughed up wouldn 't have bothered me . The Hawaiian monk seal can be very peaceful and friendly animals and our captain said one of his friends encountered a seal in the wild and it actually hugged him . ( Our underwater camera , unfortunately , broke the day before so we don 't have photos or video . A fellow snorkeler promises to send us what she got , though . For now , enjoy this photo from the website of the Monk Seal Foundation . Go learn about them and donate to their cause . ) The third improbable event was later on the afternoon . MeLinda and I went to sit by the ocean and enjoy the rest of the afternoon doing nothing but soaking in the rays and listening to the waves . About an hour into our rest MeLinda has fallen asleep and I 'm just staring out in the great wide expanses of the ocean and suddenly I see a humpback whale jump completely jump out of the water . It was just like the MetLife humpback whale commercial . Why do whales breach like this ? Some say it 's for mating , others say it 's a show of strength but no matter what it was awesome . By the time I had awakened MeLinda from her dreams of a Mizzou basketball victory the event was over . The drive to Cape Cod from Providence , Rhode Island , was very short . We made a stop at a museum MeLinda had read about while researching the trip : the Heritage Museums & Gardens in Sandwich , Mass . , just as you get to Cape Cod . We spent about three hours having lunch and walking the grounds , which included a windmill , many small gardens , big bug sculptures and a very cool antique car display . From here , the drive over to where we were staying while in Cape Cod took about 45 minutes . ( Everyone says to think of Cape Cod as an arm bent upward as if you are flexing your bicep . If you do that , consider that we drove in from the shoulder and were staying the elbow area . ) We arrived at the Platinum Pebble mid - afternoon and were given a tour of the property and our room by Simon , who owns the inn with his wife Annabelle . We decided to spend the rest of the afternoon at the inn 's gorgeous and quiet pool with magazines and books in hand . If you keep up with MeLinda on Facebook , you likely read about the pool incident that made this not a completely relaxing afternoon . We 'll share that story again for anyone not on Facebook : An older couple was at the pool as well and we made small talk . The wife went into their room , which was just off the pool , to take a shower and the man continued doing a walking pattern in the shallow end . I got out to dry off and read poolside . Lee followed five minutes later . The man laid back in the water and made a noise like it hurt , which caused me to look up from my magazine . I was watching the man in the pool as Lee was arranging his towel and about to sit down on the lounger . The man rolled over and it looked like he was trying to lift his body up but couldn 't and then his head went underwater . Even though he was only in 3 feet of water , the man was struggling to lift his face out of the water and I was pretty sure he wasn 't going to be able to lift himself . He started that scary face - down float that until now I 've only seen in movies . I got Lee 's attention and he jumped back in the pool and lifted the man 's head up and got him to the edge of the pool while I yelled inside the main inn for Simon . Simon & Lee got him out of the pool and into a chair . Lee saved this man 's life ! I tear up thinking about what would have happened if we hadn 't been out there and how great Lee always is in a crisis . He amazes me ! We left the pool and the Platinum Pebble in time to grab some dinner along with a special treat for dessert , the always challenging dipped cone . There truly isn 't a correct way to eat a dipped cone without a stream of vanilla goodness dripping down your hands and clothes . Luckily there were no cameras around when we shared this cold mess . We then headed over to watch a Cape Cod baseball game and enjoyed the laid back atmosphere of what is considered the best amateur league in the country . It was basically the size of a high school field and they don 't charge admission . We were seeing one of the better teams in the league along with a team fighting for a spot in the playoffs . It was a big crowd and the weather was perfect . Several players were from the Midwest and one was from Missouri but didn 't respond when MeLinda yelled M - I - Z as he waited on deck . This led MeLinda to immediately determine he falsified his college status . We planned to do a bike ride on the morning of our second day and then head to the beach for the rest of the day . After a quick breakfast we grabbed a few bikes from the B & B and started onto the Cape Cod Rail Trail . Our entry point was mile marker two in Harwich and the finish line was mile marker 22 in Wellfleet . Early in our # schummer road trip we had done a 30 - mile bike trip , which took more than six hours due to a few bike malfunctions and both of us were drained after that adventure . We were optimistic we could do this one in four hours , including a stop for lunch . Ha ! We started off on the ride around 10 a . m . with two bottles of water and a full backpack ( camera ) . The ride was on relatively smooth terrain with a few gradual hills . The temperature was in the mid 70s . As the ride continued , the hills got a little harder and the bike traffic increased . You had to be careful you didn 't run over kids stopping on their bikes in the middle of the path . We kept thinking at the end of the trail there would be some great ocean view or at least something that would make this whole trip worthwhile . We were completely wrong and the only view was a parking lot . A good barometer of the scenery in photography stats : MeLinda took less than a dozen photos the entire route . Dejected and hungry , we headed to Sam 's Deli about two miles back down the path to get some much needed food and drink . At this point we had gone about 23 miles and were starting to feel worn down . Even the power of a black and white cookie from the deli wouldn 't be enough to replenish us . The ride back was hot ( where did all the shade go that we remembered from the ride out ? ) , with the wind in our faces ( didn 't remember there being wind at our backs on the way out ! ) and almost all uphill ( at least it seemed that way ) . It was a true test of our endurance . They always tell you to keep hydrated but it 's tough to remember to drink enough water until it 's too late . MeLinda 's legs started to cramp and on the way back we made several stops picking up bottled water anywhere it was available . We felt bad passing up a lemonade stand set up by two kids , though in Cape Cod I 'm sure those kids were already multi - millionaires . The mile markers worked the opposite on the way back , letting you know every . 1 of a mile you still had a long way to go . Once we reached Brewster , just one city away from our B & B , we seemed to pick up the pace and saw the end was near . Though we still had to remember which turn off and our way back to the B & B on city streets . At that point MeLinda was so drained she trusted my directional skills to get us back . Luckily I picked the right turn and we pulled into our B & B around 3 p . m . , five hours after we 'd started . We then left the commercial craziness of this little tourist town and went to the beaches . First we walked about two miles to an area where we saw hundreds of seals sunning - so worth the hike through mostly soft sand ! Then we went and sat at Race Point Beach , where we saw a few more seals swimming by . # Schummer14 - Lee & MeLinda Schnyder are turning their home in Wichita , Kan . , over to a friend and taking a month - long road trip . They 'll travel from Kansas to Ontario and Quebec , Canada ; then through Vermont , New Hampshire , Maine , Massachusetts , Rhode Island and Connecticut . The trip home will include stops in Ohio and Missouri . Beyond the blog , you can follow # Schummer14 on Facebook , Instagram and Twitter . In our many travel adventures we have always been able to find a hotel even if it 's at the last minute . A lot of the time we use Hotwire , Priceline , etc . because I love a deal and hate to pay full price for a room . It has always been a game with MeLinda and I when placing a bid on Priceline , trying to determine if we could have gotten that room for five dollars less . When I worked at the corporate offices of Candlewood Hotel I always had a pretty good idea of what the typical room would go for and what the Priceline price should be . We have many great deals over the years . On this trip we decided to go ahead and book all of our rooms directly through the hotel and ahead of time due to it being a high demand period in the areas we were visiting and not wanting to spend time on the trip worrying about where to stay . For the first two weeks we made only one audible . I had a hotel booked in Portland , Maine , and I noticed it would be better to be in the downtown area so before I cancelled the first hotel I booked the other and we were set . It turned out be a great choice and if you are ever in Portland make sure to stay at the downtown Courtyard Marriott - it had just opened about a month prior and it had very large rooms with a clean , modern feel . Luckily we were able to meet up with our baseball buddies Charlie and Kim for another game on our Summer of Schnyder trip - the first was the Toronto Blue Jays and the second one was in Pawtucket , Rhode Island . The AAA minor league game started at 1 p . m . on Sunday and we were scheduled to arrive in Springfield , Mass . , from Bar Harbor , Maine , late on Saturday so that we could visit the basketball hall of fame there the next morning . But it didn 't open until 10 a . m . and it was a two - hour drive to Pawtucket . So I made the audible and cancelled our hotel reservation in Springfield . We cancelled with a phone call while sitting next to a pond in the middle of Acadia National Park - in a spot we were finally able to get Verizon service . It was like the hotel operator was trying to make it as difficult as possible to cancel and that was likely an omen . Finally after a five - minute call during which MeLinda had to repeat all of our contact information to two different people , we had eliminated the reservation . We had no worries at that point . The same day , Charlie and Kim booked their room at a Hilton in downtown Providence and we were planning on booking a room about an hour north of there because we had a full day of driving and a long boat excursion that day . I had done some prelim work and didn 't think it would be an issue ; even though there aren 't a lot of hotels in the Rhode Island area there are a lot in the Boston area we were driving through . So we got up that morning - Saturday - and headed out of Acadia National Park toward Rye , New Hampshire . We had our eye on a whale - watching trip that afternoon at 2 p . m . and figured we would play it by ear to see if the weather looked favorable for a long boat ride out far enough to see whales . We stopped for a quick lunch on the drive down and at that point everything was still going smoothly ; we were on target for the 2 p . m . whale watching . MeLinda made a call to the whale - watching outfitter to verify openings and let them know we were going to be there so please hold a spot for us . We decided to make a quick stop in Kennebunkport to see how the other half lives - we did the short drive along Ocean Avenue there , which is famous for its mansions and resorts . We started to realize that might have been a mistake since there was a little more traffic than we were expecting . Too many people stopping to take a picture of the Senior Bush compound was the main issue . At that point , we realized that our grace period had disappeared . Instead of being there 30 minutes ahead of time we now were going to be lucky to be there 15 minutes ahead of time ( which is the recommended sign - in time ) . MeLinda looked over to me and asked if she should drive since I don 't usually push the Beemer more than 5 mph over the speed limit . MeLinda is a speed demon in case you don 't know and isn 't allowed to drive my prized possession , the 2000 Honda Accord , since she would probably blow the motor . I said don 't worry about it and the next 15 minutes everything was looking good until the highway became a parking lot because of an accident near Portsmouth . So we were in an unknown area and MapQuest let us know our destination arrival time was now 2 p . m . MeLinda 's navigation skills kicked in and we get off the backed - up highway and decided to wing it . Crushing every speed limit over the next 15 miles we still weren 't sure if we were going to make it . MeLinda called the whale watching company and they gave some last minute instructions for a shortcut . We pulled into the parking lot two minutes before 2 p . m . MeLinda jumped out of the car and went to pay while I parked and started throwing stuff out of a tote bag so I could throw warm clothes in it and take it aboard , where we would have to change . Every time I move anything in the very back of the vehicle , I have to rearrange all of our bags that I have strategically stowed . Once we were back on land , we had a better idea of how far we would want to drive the rest of the night so we started thinking about hotels . But it was 6 p . m . , so first we wanted to get some food . We figured we 'd get something to eat and then we 'd book the room during dinner . We drove for about 15 minutes while MeLinda researched pizza - we got excited about a " Detroit - style pizza " place with great reviews on Yelp but when she clicked on " Directions to Here " it showed up as 600 miles away in Virginia ! We 'd have to try Detroit - style another time ( apparently the sauce is on top of the cheese ) and she found three options for pizza in nearby Newburyport , Massachusetts . We got off the highway and passed a franchise called Papa Gino 's and I let it be known that would be our fall back in case everything else went wrong . Driving through this small harbor - side town , I noticed that everyone had lawn chairs locked down in their front yards like a parade either was about to happen or had just happened . Or we had just entered a big white trash city and this is what it looked like every day . MeLinda 's first option was about two miles into town and as we got closer we realized we definitely picked the wrong town to stop in as traffic was backed up . Then we saw signs for today 's festival along with street closings and no parking . So the second option was implemented and we drove over to Nick 's Pizza . Luckily there was a spot right in front of this neighborhood restaurant to park ; unluckily when we got inside they told us the wait might be about an hour because it 's fireworks night in the neighborhood . At that point we just accepted our fortunes and took a seat and started looking for hotels . I had never been to a pizza place until then that ran out of meat toppings before closing ; our order was probably behind about 30 other pies . While we are waiting I pulled up Priceline , TripAdvisor , Marriott , Hilton , Hotwire and started looking . I placed a few unsuccessful bids on Priceline for a hotel in Woonsocket , Rhode Island . I expanded the area and price and still struck out . OK , maybe it 's time to pay full price and expand further the search area . The pizza arrived and that distraction cost us our last chance at booking a hotel . Who would have thought a sausage and pepperoni pizza delivered on a large tray would lead to us being homeless in New England . Though I will say it was good pizza and worth the trip if you are in the area . The clock struck 8 p . m . and we were officially screwed . MeLinda started calling any chain that didn 't have an hourly rate and the only option was paying $ 600 bucks for a room in Newport , Rhode Island . It was truly hard for someone from the Midwest to contemplate that an area the size of several states was sold out and there wasn 't even a major event happening . In the meantime Kim and Charlie had finished their drive up from their home in New York and were settling into their room at the Hilton . As if some cosmic spirit was guiding her , Kim had chosen a room with two beds when given the option between one or two upon check - in . Little did they know that choice would be the saving grace and keep us from sleeping in our car or spending the night at my good friend Dunkin ' Donuts . MeLinda had sent a joking text to Kim relaying the trouble we were having getting a room and the response was that they had two beds . I hate to impose on people but at that point there wasn 't any other choice and after a quick phone call to Charlie to make sure it truly was OK , we headed to downtown Providence . When we finally arrived in Providence , we had been on the go for more than 12 hours and both of us were ready to finally relax . # Schummer14 - Lee & MeLinda Schnyder are turning their home in Wichita , Kan . , over to a friend and taking a month - long road trip . They 'll travel from Kansas to Ontario and Quebec , Canada ; then through Vermont , New Hampshire , Maine , Massachusetts , Rhode Island and Connecticut . The trip home will include stops in Ohio and Missouri . Beyond the blog , you can follow # Schummer14 on Facebook , Instagram and Twitter . The first speed limit sign I saw showed 100 . Awesome , driving in Canada is going to be fun ! But after metric translation , it was only 60 mph . Though I will say Canadians drive quite a bit like my good friends from Houston ( fast ) . My second disappointment was seeing a gas sign with the price of $ 1 . 50 then remembering that was the litre price . I didn 't know I would need an advanced degree to figure out how much a gallon of gas costs . First you need to figure out how many litres are in a gallon , then multiply by the cost of gas and then multiply the exchange rate . After using my abacus I came up with the amount of $ 5 . 25 per gallon . Why can 't the Canadians at least use the U . S . measurement for temperature ? Today 's high is 25 degrees . The low is 13 degrees . I like my big swings in temperature ; it looks so much more impressive when you say today 's temperature was 100 degrees , rather than 38 degrees Celsius . Driving along the highway was pristine and you felt like you were in the middle of a screensaver that kept showing the same beautiful scenery . Unlike in America the highways aren 't littered with fast food restaurants , gas stations , etc . Canada did a great job in planning their transportation system keeping it convenient to all the cities but without the removal of the beautiful landscaping . The first major landmark we hit crossing the border was the St . Claire River , which flows out of Lake Huron . We stopped to eat lunch at a place that MeLinda had researched and had a relaxing lunch sitting by the bluest river I 've seen . I figured we would run across a bunch of tourists but it was a local hangout and I was jealous of all the local residents who stop there to eat lunch and get to enjoy that site on a daily basis . The first neighborhood I visited in Toronto was exactly what I would picture a perfect living area would be . We were able to walk from our vacation rental and within five minutes were in the middle of a vibrant shopping area . After hours of driving it was nice to be able to walk into safe and friendly neighborhoods filled with shopping and restaurants . It was like every person within five square miles was out at night enjoying the perfect evening . It is amazing how culturally diverse this city is and everyone is getting along . There was even a car dealership that displayed a Middle Eastern man wearing a turban ; you don 't see that very often in the U . S . Tim Horton ! ! ! You would think that was the name of Canada 's first prime minister or the country 's greatest sports legend . There is a Tim Horton 's sign every five miles as you drive through Canada and they have even invaded the upper portions of Michigan . For non - Canadians : a Tim Horton 's is known for donuts and coffee . From watching How I Met Your Mother I have learned that every Canadian is able to mark the special events in their family based on the type of Horton 's donuts they were eating at that time . Driving the Canadian highways you also realize there are no hoopties . Every highway in America you at least run across one hooptie . I realize now that I couldn 't move to Canada because my car wouldn 't be allowed across the border . What 's the fun of driving if you can 't see someone driving a Ford Pinto 20 mph below the speed limit on the highway with the bumper hanging off . Through Day 3 of # Schummer14 we have covered 1 , 401 miles , passed through six states and been in two countries . We 're staying in Toronto until Monday and we 're taking the weekend off from blogging . We will write a recap of our time in Toronto early next week . Thanks for following along ! Once we were in Canada we participated in a local tradition of eating fries under the bridge . Sounded creepy but was really beautiful ! From this spot at Point Edward we 're looking out to Lake Huron . # Schummer14 - Lee & MeLinda Schnyder are turning their home in Wichita , Kan . , over to a friend and taking a month - long road trip . They 'll travel from Kansas to Ontario and Quebec , Canada ; then through Vermont , New Hampshire , Maine , Massachusetts , Rhode Island and Connecticut . The trip home will include stops in Ohio and Missouri . Beyond the blog , you can follow # Schummer14 on Facebook , Instagram and Twitter . UNDEFEATED . Who would have thought those would be the last words of the fans at the end of a Wichita State basketball season . I made it to 15 of the 17 home games this year and not many were close . The longtime Wichita State fan in me is used to nail - biters that have previously ended in a bad way . At the end of the 2014 Shocker basketball season I have attended 365 homes games . So I 've spent a year of my life going to games . Then the other question that popped into my head was : does it make a difference if I go to the game . Am I lucky to the Shockers ? After adding up all the numbers , the Shockers win 78 % of the games I attend . So going home happy on a regular basis is a good thing . Here are a few of the memories as I look back through my WSU ticket stubs : I have seen some great games over the years , though the most memorable game I have been to was early on in my Shocker days . Eddie Fogler was the coach and the team was still relevant and hadn 't hit the terrible years highlighted by Scott Thompson . The date was Feb . 2 , 1988 , and the Shockers were facing the top player in the nation , Hersey Hawkins , who finished the year averaging 36 points a game for Bradley . This also ended up being the highest scoring game I 've attended as the Shockers put up 116 points and won by 24 . The other highlight / lowlight was when one of the Shockers cheerleaders was dropped and you heard a big thud when she hit the ground ( she wasn 't hurt so it was okay to laugh about it ) . In 1996 we beat Virginia Commonwealth by 30 . VCU later repaid us by winning in a Koch Arena Bracketbusters game to keep WSU out of the NCAA tournament and then beating us in the first round of the 2012 NCAA tournament . Before Bucknell became known for beating Kansas , the Shockers beat them by 19 points in 1995 . Gonzaga hadn 't started its run to national prominence but the Bulldogs did visit Wichita in 1994 and lost by one . In 1990 the Shockers dispatched of Oklahoma State and Alabama . The Crimson Tide were led by Robert Horry , one of my all - time Houston Rocket favorites . In 1988 we beat George Mason by 21 points and those wounds never healed and they came back for revenge in 2006 when they beat us at home and then ended our Sweet Sixteen run in D . C . The year of the shirt was 2009 - 2010 , when the Shockers won all their regular - season games at home until falling to Nevada in the first round of the NIT . I had worn the same Shocker shirt without washing it for the majority of the season - from the point when I realized we had a streak going . I did wear a shirt underneath it so it wasn 't that disgusting . I 'm sure MeLinda enjoyed sitting next to me during that season . Enter your email address : Welcome to my blog Hi , I 'm Melinda . I can see normal from my backyard but I think I 'll stay right over here where I am . . . I 'm starting to get comfortable here . On this blog I will be sharing my views on life , travel & my pursuit of happiness . Don 't make me use my prepaid legal card . All content © Melinda Schnyder . Republication or redistribution of content in part or whole is prohibited without prior consent . I 'm pretty friendly , so just ask . | Powered by Photocrati
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I would wish you all a Merry Belated Christmas , but when the final Christmas even went down ( a fairly full glass of Bailey 's while watching the HD Yule log on cable ) I was officially done . Don 't get me wrong - - As Christmases go , it was a good Christmas . There were no major breakdowns or crack - ups . Little Man was a perfect little traveler and did more than tolerate the gaggle of new people constantly thrown at him . But it was an exhausting Christmas , probably because we celebrated it at least seven time . Count ' em : " Christmas " morning at home on the 21st . Hubby 's Dad 's family 's Christmas on the 22nd . Brief Baptismal interlude on the 23rd . Hubby 's Mom 's family Christmas Brunch on the 24th . My Grampa 's hardcore Italian Christmas Eve Fest on the 24th . Christmas morning with Jason 's parents - - including Mass on the 25th . Christmas dinner with my parents and grandparents on the 25th . Gift opening orgy with my parents on the 25th . Mix all of that together with being physically drained from traveling with a baby and emotionally drained from dealing with the idea that this would probably be the last Christmas back in Akron for a long while , and I was done . I love Christmas , but after all of that I was done . Finished . Finito . Kaput . So no Merry Belated Christmas from me . Here 's the thing : it 's all just a little too much . Maybe a lot too much . As I stood Christmas eve , trying to pacify my toddler with cookies while my grandpa said the blessing , tears streaming down my face , I realized that he got it right in the midst of all the chaos of that event . It 's not about the amount of presents you get anymore - - let 's face it , most of them get returned anyway . It 's not even about the stress of cooking and planning the perfect holiday meal . That 's all just window dressing . But when he thanked us all for coming and commented on how important it is that we ( all 26 of us - all 5 generations present ) do get together and celebrate . How important it is to take a moment and think about those would couldn 't make it - - those who have jobs that have taken theat Other than wanting a healthy baby , I had only two requests for the powers that be about the baby I was carrying - - dark eyes and dark hair . When he was born , I thought I had hit the jackpot . Not only was he perfect in every way ( looking back , I realize that was probably the hormones talking ) but he had beautiful dark eyes and a head of dark hair . I was so happy ; my little Slovak - named baby looked so Italian ( that , we learned later , was mostly the jaundice . ) A year and a half later , he still has his beautiful dark brown eyes , but that head of dark hair is long gone . It was somehow ( and I really don 't have the faintest idea when this happened ) replaced by a mop of sunny amber fluff . Sometimes it 's almost red . Other times , very blonde . I 've gotten over my disappointment at losing the dark locks and I 've grown quite fond of his hair . It 's so fine and light - - so unlike my own . I 've watched it get longer and longer , finally covering over the bald spot in the back , finally long enough to sweep to the side and tuck behind his ear . I 've been thinking for a while now that it needed a trim , but I just couldn 't bring myself to do it . I made one appointment a few months back and then " forgot " to go . But lately , it 's gotten a bit out of hand , and he started to look a bit like Gene Wilder . So today , we finally had it trimmed . Pre - SnipIt wasn 't as bad as I thought it would be . He wasn 't feeling too well , so he just sat there in a bit of a stupor . Didn 't move once the whole time . And I managed not to cry as small bits of the hair he 's worked so hard to grow floated gently to my knees . Looking a Bit Out of It - - but Not UnhappyI think I was most worried that suddenly he wouldn 't look like a baby anymore . He doesn 't , but then again , he hasn 't really looked like a baby for quite some time now . I 'm not sure when it happened , that transition from infant to child , but it didn 't happen with this haircut . Maybe when he started walking , or started babbling , or started putting together sentences . Maybe it was in the middle of some night , while I wat The exams and papers are graded , the final grades are posted and sent off , and now I can officially check yet another semester of my long and accomplished list of semesters - I 've - finished - as - a - student . And although I 'm fairly sick and tired of still being a student , I have to say that the steady progression of 15 week periods is not all that bad of a way to watch your life pass . Unlike most American professions , where the five - day - a - week grind is punctuated only by a fleeting week of vacation here and there , the life of an academic is punctuated by a nice 1 - 3 month break between times when I have to officially show up somewhere . Which is not to say it 's a vacation . Those weeks and months in between " fall " and " spring " are still work time , but they 're my work time . No classes to get to . No papers to grade . No office hours to sit in , knowing that no one is going to stop by , at least not until I run out to get a cup of coffee . The end of this semester feels different , though . I only have one more fall and two more springs as a " student . " When I think about how quickly this last year has flown by , I wonder how it 's possible that in just one year more it will be me sitting nervously , waiting anxiously for someone , anyone to want to interview me . That in just one year more , I will forgo Christmas Eve for pre - interview preparations . That in just a few months I will be drafting the application letter and teaching statement . Being the good Virgos that we are , J and I talk about the next year and a half compulsively . We imagine what type of place we 'll move into next . We wonder out loud together and silently to ourselves who will get the better job - - the job that will be the deciding factor for the next who - knows - how - many years of our life . We talk through the various locations we are willing to move to - - North Dakota , definitely out . This coming year has been a long time coming . So another semester is done . But this one seems different . Semesters usually follow semesters without much difference . This ending feels like the end oat There are moments in life that take your breath away . Standing beneath the Sistine Chapel , flying over the Alps , finding out you 're ( finally ! ! ) pregnant . Those are wonderful moments . They punctuate your life , creating a series of milestone that make your past recognizable as a coherent history . But there are also moments in life that give you breath - - that if you can stop for a moment and grasp them , you realize what it is that keeps you going on a daily basis . You realize why it is that you continue to unconsciously inhale and exhale your daily life . These moments are more rare than those big breathtaking events , because they are small and unconscious , and because they often go unnoticed . When you glimpse one , if you are lucky enough to take it in and realize what you are witnessing , you figure out what it is that holds everything together . As I sat with Little Man in my grandmother 's rocking chair last night , I watched J go about the same nightly ritual that happens every night . He handed me the binky , put down the side of the crib , located the wayward stuffed frog from within the sheets of our " big bed , " put down the shade , and then asked if I needed anything else . This ritual started long ago , when I would need to nurse for twenty minutes or more to lull the baby into enough drowsiness that he would finally fall asleep , but now , putting Little Man to bed takes less than five minutes most nights . And yet , J still goes through the steps of making sure that I am ready to put him to bed . This is the kind of husband he is , the kind of father he has become . I watched him last night , making sure that everything was just so , dimming the lights and then finally turning them off . His darkened profile whispered a good night to the toddler in my arms , and Little Man responded by pointing at him - - his special way to tell his papa " I love you . " The door shut , and suddenly , sitting in the darkness with the too - big body of my once baby in my lap , I realized suddenly and consciously all that I have . All that my life has become . Aat It 's like they want me to leave : Today the New York Times reported that - President Bush said today that a new intelligence finding that Iran halted its nuclear weapons work in 2003 had not altered his sense that Iran remained a danger . Ok - so basically , they have no weapons . They haven 't been actually been trying to obtain or develop weapons for 4 years . And they 're still a threat ? ? How , exactly is that ? ? " I have said Iran is dangerous , " Bush said a day after the release of the National Intelligence Estimate , representing the consensus of all 16 American spy agencies , " and the N . I . E . doesn 't do anything to change my opinion about the danger Iran poses to the world - quite the contrary . " Because now we have no reason to bomb them ? ? How are they even more dangerous now that we know they don 't have a nuclear program ? ? What are they going to do , drop some delicious Khoresht Fesenjaan on us and put Mickey D 's out of business ? ? My God , this administration needs to pull its head out of its proverbial posterior before they kill anyone else . I often wonder about humanity - - especially how it is that we 've managed to make it this long . I like to believe that people are mostly good , but often , I have my doubts . In the last week I 've encountered multiple reasons to lose faith - I finally got to see Sicko - - It 's absolutely heartbreaking and infuriating that people in the " greatest " nation in the world have to choose which finger to reattach or have to watch their husband die , not because there isn 't a cure , but because the insurance company won 't pay for it . Sickening . Absolutely sickening that our $ * @ & politicians are so deep in the pockets of the medical insurance lobby that they can 't revolutionize our system the way that EVERY OTHER INDUSTRIALIZED NATION ON THE GLOBE has revolutionalized theirs . But it wasn 't only the whole insurance racket that made me sick - - it was the supposedly " good " people . In one of the first stories , you meet a middle - class couple who have lost everything because of medical bills , and so they are forced to move in with their daughter and her family . Get this - - the daughter makes them sleep in their extra rec room - - refuses even to move the desk and computer out . Says something about getting them bunk beds . WTF ? ! ? ! The mother 's still suffering from her illness and her daughter ( who she put through college ) doesn 't even have the decency to give her a proper guest room ? ? We were discussing different types of discrimination in my writing class and , because we were talking about homophobia , the issue of the bible came up , which brought up the issue of how the bible wasn 't literally written by God ( like he has time for that ) which made one of my students exclaim , " Why would he sit up there and let people write things that weren 't exactly what he wanted ? " To which I ( stupidly ) replied , " I dunno , why would he let genocide continue to happen in Rwanda ? " to which another student quipped , " He has a plan . " Whaa ? ? ! ! really ? Because if he does have a plan that includes the rape and murder of innocent women , children , and men , then I am certainlyat Or the one about weight . . . . As I was sitting in our university 's nutritionist 's office this morning , I suddenly realized that I haven 't been completely truthful with myself lately . As I gave her one answer after another that sounded right , I wondered how honest I 've been with myself lately . Since Little Man 's birth , I 've been trying on - and - off to get back to my pre - baby weight . We knew way ahead of time when we wanted to start trying for a baby , so the year before , I had joined Weight Watchers and lost 18 lbs . I felt good then - - I liked that I could go into my closet and find old clothes that my newly married euphoria had eaten me out of . I liked that I felt almost ok in a bikini at the beach . I liked that I felt healthier . I was doing pretty well with trying to get back to that weight and trying to get back into those clothes . Until , at least , I stopped nursing . It seems like since late May , I 've put on 10 lbs . I 've been telling myself that I 'm still practicing healthy eating habits , that I 'm still living a healthy lifestyle , and that maybe my metabolism 's just starting to slow down because I 'm getting close to 30 . I 've also been telling myself that I am happy with my body and the way I look right now , and for the most part I 'm telling myself the truth . But part of my , I now realize , is lying . . . has been lying . It 's no secret that I love food . No just food in the abstract , mind you - - really wonderful , delicious , and well prepared food . I haven 't wanted to give up a bite of it . But yesterday , at a physical , I realized that my weight has now crept over the healthy BMI index into " Overweight . " Sure , it 's just a pound or two of overweight from Thanksgiving , but I don 't want to make excuses about it . I want to do something about it . So , I made an appointment with the nutritionist , and as I answered her questions about my diet and my daily eating habits , I started to wonder just how honest I was being with myself . It 's not about looks - - though , that does matter to me . It 's about health . I come from a family where weight is at One of the things that my parents got unequivocally right was the whole Santa thing . Growing up , Christmas was a religious holiday first - - no presents were opened until we went to mass on Christmas morning - - but it was also a magical holiday . My parents did Santa like no one 's business . My brothers and I all believed in the big guy until at least 4th grade or so . When all of our friends already " knew , " we still were adamant in our belief . It was easy to believe , in part , because Santa seemed so far out of my parents ' realm . When we were young , my parents didn 't buy random things whenever we asked for them . It just didn 't seem like they could possibly come up with the mountain of gifts that awaited us each Christmas morning . But it wasn 't just about the gifts . To start with , Santa brought our tree . For about a month before Christmas , we 'd wake up each morning and rush down the steps to see if the tree had appeared yet . Then , one morning about a week or so before Christmas we would start down the steps and the scent of pine would greet us . There it would be - - the biggest , fattest , Scotch Pine you could imagine , laden with ornaments and ablaze with colorful , old fashion lights . Somehow we never noticed the trees in the backyard waiting to be put up or that my parents seemed more tired the next day . To a 5 , or 6 , or 7 year old , a tree magically appearing over night seemed a magical feat . We looked forward to visiting the mall Santas . We wrote him letters that disappeared from the mantel . We got calls and letters from the jolly old elf . We read stories about Christmas - - The Gingerbears , a book about Silent Night and a little mouse , and of course , the Grinch . We watched Christmas movies for a month - - each explaining a little more thoroughly just how Santa managed his magical endeavors . And each Christmas eve , before bed , we would curl up with my dad and he would read us Twas the Night Before Christmas . It 's really the only time I remember him reading to us - - and it was his thing to do that evening . And then , on Christmas morninat Yesterday , the in - laws drove almost 8 hours to celebrate the holiday with us . Although I missed having the craziness of my family , having a quiet and stress - free Thanksgiving was wonderful . Dinner was perfect - - The turkey wasn 't overdone , the vegetables were perfectly crisp , and the homemade rolls were almost better than any of the rest . And the wine . . . . mmmmm . Such a beautifully delicious Bordeaux . Top it all off with homemade pies , a little Bailey 's , and you have a wonderful holiday . It was a bit strange to have such a small Thanksgiving ; I 'm used to big dinners with at least 12 people involved eating a 22 lb bird . But as we move into this Christmas season , I 'm coming to terms with the fact that what I might have always known may not be what my own children know . This will be my last Christmas where the tradition will be what it 's always been . But even this year it won 't be the same . Things change , people change , and traditions change . I think that it 's good to have a little change , even if it 's hard to come to terms with . As each generation adds , subtracts , and adjusts traditions , the holidays become more meaningful rather than less . I have much to be thankful for - - and I love this holiday less for the food than for the fact that it forces us to take a minute and realize what we are grateful for . Too often it 's so easy to see only the clouds and disappointments that punctuate our lives , but I think it 's important to realize how much we have . How much we are given . How much we have to give . I love these meme things , even if I don 't have the foggiest idea why they 're called memes . But MGM tagged me , so off I go - 7 weird and random facts about moi . I used to love peanut butter and balogna sandwiches when I was a kid . It all started with butter and balogna ( because that makes more sense ) , and then one day someone threw on some peanut butter . I haven 't had these in years , mostly because I can 't really stomach balogna any more , but man did I crave them when I was pregnant . I made so many cookies for my wedding , that we had boxes left over . It was supposed to be this big Italian shindig , so we needed a great big cookie table . I baked for almost a month , and every time I 'd deliver another couple boxes ( we 're talking file - size boxes ) to my mom 's house , she 'd look at them and say , " it seems like a lot , but there 's really not much there . " So I kept on baking and baking and baking . And damn - they were gooood . There were just way to many of them - - that with the 12 cakes , and our guests had a serious sugar buzz going all throughout the night . I hate things jumping out at me - - seriously , I still can 't even think about going through a haunted house . At Universal Studios , I closed my eyes or looked at the floor when the stupid anamatronic slow - moving shark appeared on the ride . Hate it - - makes me nervous just thinking about it . I used to dance - - tap and ballet mostly . When I was little I was convinced I was a ballerina and I dreamed of being a Rockette or a star on Broadway . Needless to say , I can 't sing at all . I have this fantasy about someday opening a bead and breakfast somewhere . I don 't really like housekeeping or anything , but I think it would be fun to always entertain people . I 'm absolutely terrible in social situations - - I get panicky when I think about having to attend departmental events or meet and greet type things . I 'm find in front of people - - public speaking isn 't the problem , but I get nauseous even thinking about going to a reception at a conference when small talk will be necessary . I hate small talk - at especially when you 're a pair of socks . . . or a shirt . . . or a tiny pair of Baby Gap jeans . . . And yet , green they all were , because somehow a green Crayola crayon decided that today was the day it would sacrifice itself to the dryer gods . Luckily , most of the clothes that are now sporting bright green spots were Little Man 's . Not so luckily , all of them were his new fall clothes . Only a few of my clothes and Js were damaged , but now I think I have 3 pairs of socks left and no workout pants . My hands now reek of WD - 40 . Apparently , that 's the way you get melted crayon out of clothes . But so many were so green , so covered with crayon that they 're now in the trash . In all the carnage was moderate - 3 of Little Man 's shirts , two pairs of his pants , all but one of his pajamas ( even the cute ones with little monkeys on them ) and every pair of socks he owns , some of my undergarments and most of my socks , one of my shirts , and my only pair of workout pants . It could have been worse . There could have been more our our stuff , that 's much more expensive to replace , or so J says . Somehow that isn 't helping me feel better right now . Out of the blue , my FIL got us a subscription to Gourmet magazine . Every time I visited , I would sit and compulsively read theirs as I simultaneously got my Food Network fix . ( ah , how I miss Mario when we 're not in Akron ! ) So I was surprised and really really excited when one of the magazines showed up in my mailbox a week ago . Tonight J made one of the recipes out of it - - an Asian inspired babyback rib thing . It was unbelievably good - - Serve it at a dinner party good . * * The thing that I love about this magazine is that the pictures are beautiful , the articles are just intellectual enough to make me able to convince myself that I might be doing " research " , and the recipes are so darn simple . Ok , so that was 3 things . But the recipes are ridiculously simple . Often they call for one odd or unusual ingredient , but the overall preparations and directions are so easy . And every recipe we 've tried so far has been a keeper . They 're so easy and so good , in fact , that I think I 'll go make us the caramelized chocolate banana splits that I 've had my eye on . * * I should have taken a picture of them , like some of those wonderful food blogs I love to read and then never make recipes from , but they were gone - - totally polished off - - before I even thought of it . Today I let J take the first shower and I got Little Man dressed . I put on his little blue sweatpants and a brown shirt that says , " Define good " with little candy canes on it . I thought he looked just fine . Enter J - J - " Is that what you want him to wear ? " Me - Yeah , why ? J - " Where 's his football shirt that matches the pants ? " Me - " I dunno , so I went with this one . I think it 's just fine . " J - " Well obviously , it 's not . I will go and find the correct shirt and rectify this fashion Faux Pas . " * J leaves and returns with blue and white " touchdown ! " shirt , takes off the brown shirt and replaces it with the blue shirt . Me - You 've gotta be kidding me . * * * ok , so he didn 't really say this . But he did change his shirt Or - - the problems I have with Catholicism . . . . Ever since we moved out here into the land of corn , I 've been wrestling with the issue of religion . To start with , we haven 't really found a church community that doesn 't either bore me out of any spirituality I might have had or make me boil with anger . Churches out here are super - conservative . They admonished people to vote for the Shrub because voting for pro - choice Kerry was a sin . I sat through one memorably homily where the priest told us this lovely story about how he saved a marriage by convincing the wife to go off of birth control - - the husband wasn 't happy , but apparently that doesn 't matter . We finally found this tiny little parish composed mostly of Koreans that we actually liked , but then we had Little Man , and church with a 1 year old just doesn 't seem worth it . But as I 've wrestled with trying to figure out where we belong , I 've been forced to confront issues about the Catholic church that I find intolerable . For instance , we were flipping through the channels one day and came across the Catholic TV station . On it , two nuns were explaining how women 's health care in Africa was nothing more than a euphemism for abortion services . They went on to explain that without all this ( apparently unnecessary ) prenatal care , the infant mortality rate would necessitate that women have more children . Wha ? ? Or the mass we attended in Ohio where the priest was rallying the congregation against electing congressman Sherod Brown by quoting Bush as a great protector of life . Huh ? ? In what flipping other universe ? ? ? And , I completely and utterly blame the stupid Ohio one - issue - catholics back in 2004 who elected Bush because he is against abortion . This is on top of the fact that the church does stupid things like cover - up for pedophile priests , refuse women a full measure in spiritual life , and tell people in Africa that condoms are useless because the sperm are small enough to swim through them . These , to me , are dangerous , ridiculous ideas and actions that do more harm anat I was just about to leave the house today when the doorbell rang . It was two young men doing mission work for the Church of Jesus Christ and the Latter Day Saints . I 'd seen them around the neighborhood earlier in the week , and to be honest , I was relieved that they hadn 't come to our place yet . The last time a pair were in the neighborhood they just told us about a PBS program that was going to be on and went on their way . Today , they were a little more persistant . Let me just say that I respect that these two young men have a calling to do this sort of thing , but I 'm also uncomfortable having someone try to evangelize me . I remember when I was living at my parents house , once , a woman and her 8 - year old daughter came to the door . She asked me if I knew whether I was going to heaven . I told her no , because I don 't think anybody knows that . That 's for God to know . She wasn 't pleased and I finally had to shut the door on her to get out of the conversation . I felt bad shutting the door on her little girl as well , but I was in such an uncomfortable position that I didn 't have any other way to end the conversation . Today , the pair of Mormon missionaries told me that they believe that Jesus visited the Americas . They even showed me a full color portrait of Jesus with some lovely native Americans . Squanto might even have been one of them . They quoted some bible verses ( which , for all I know were completely made up ) and asked me if I 'd like to know more - - all after I told them I was Catholic . * The entire conversation made me extraordinarily uncomfortable . I understand the position these young men are in and that this mission work is what enables them to marry in their church , I respect their decision to believe that Christ skipped over all of Europe and decided to visit Utah instead before he was crucified , I even admire that they believe in it enough to want to convince me . But I 'm not interested in being converted . I wasn 't sure where the conversation was going , and I was running late , so when they asked " Would you like tat Hate them . Hate them . Hate them . Maybe somebody could please explain to me why I need to write a 1 , 750 word proposal and then turn around and condense it to a mere 800 characters ? ? Can 't they be bothered to read the longer one ? And if they 're only going to judge me on the shorter one , why do I have to bother with the longer one . Which makes me wonder - - which will they read first ? Which will be that crucial first impression that may make or break my chances of getting a fellowship ? Can I be repetitive and use the same language in both ? Or will they see that as laziness ? I 'm so close to being done , but the mind games you can play with yourself before you finally submit the stupid thing make me absolutely crazy . But , really , are two versions of the same proposal really necessary here ? Uf . What makes matters worse is that I 'm stuck showing this stupid movie tonight to the class I grade for . It 's the 3rd time I 've had to sit through it , and I 'm having the worst time trying to concentrate with the silly dialog and the giggles of undergrad girls smitten by the sight of Denzel Washington 's buttcrack . Ah , to be young . I 've finally got around to arranging a 4th member for my committee . With only a short break to sew up a new tree skirt ( pictures to come later ) , I 've been working fairly non - stop on catching up on reading and on this stupid % # % ( ! # fellowship proposal . God I hate writing these . My chair told me to " brag and be forceful in the first paragraph . " I wish my project was just so obviously brilliant that I didn 't have to figure out how to brag about its strengths . I have about 36 hours to figure it out . Blech . The holiday 's are approaching , it seems , at breakneck speed . It 's taken me quite a while to get excited this year , what with some of the changes to family traditions and all . But slowly and surely , I 'm starting to get more into the spirit . After all , I 've already heard " The Christmas Song " at least 5 times this weekend - - how could I not be getting into the Christmas mood . We 've gotten a good start on Christmas shopping , we have the Thanksgiving menu all planned out , baby bro has confirmed his New Years / Birthday visit with us , so we 've started planning the menu for that . The one thing I can 't get excited about is receiving gifts . My parents want their usual Christmas list from us , but I had the hardest time thinking of things to tell them . The thing is , there 's a whole lot of stuff that I 'd love to have , but it 's pricey and upscale and unnecessary in our small house . And , I don 't really feel like I have any right to ask people to buy that sort of thing . I drool over the monthly Crate & Barrel catalog , but I really don 't need a set of matching tumblers just for mixed drinks or the hammered steel serving bowl I 've had my eye on . And as much as I would love to go shopping for clothes , I don 't really need any clothes . Having someone else pick them out takes the fun out of the hunt and the purchase . Plus , they 've just opened a Banana Republic at the local mall , and I 've gotta say , I 'm in love . But even if someone was willing to buy me something from their racks , it wouldn 't be as much fun as picking it out myself . That 's the thing about living on the grad student budget - - every purchase is scrutinized . No more happy day shopping trips . So I 'm having a lot more fun thinking about what others might like and planning menus for our holiday dinners . I have to say , the recipe for Roasted Baby Pears with Herbed Goat Cheese ( wrapped in bacon ) is getting me pretty excited about New Years . Last night , I threw my ipod nano in the wash by mistake . I thought my days of listening to music while I work out were over . This morning , the little bugger turned on and works just fine . Go figure . Yay Apple . At his 18 month check - up , the doctor told us that this was the age that we could start using time - outs instead of only redirection as a form of discipline . That was almost 3 weeks ago , and let me tell you , I haven 't been looking forward to that first time out we have to give . That first time out came last night . He threw a grape . I warned him not to do it again , and he threw it again . I 've been dreading putting the time - out system into use , in part , because I know that it 's going to take a while before he gets the idea . It 's going to take many , many time outs , and during each of those , I know that we will have to continue to replace him into the designated naughty spot until he figures out that , yes , he really does have to stay there . So I have to say , that I was pleasantly surprised that after replacing him in the spot only 4 or 5 times , he stayed . At first he thought it was a game . Then , he realized it wasn 't and tried to escape . I 'd set him in the spot and he would jump up and run for his little scooter , as though he was a rebel without a cause ready to set out for the open road . But the open road was only our hallway , and he 's not that great at steering the thing yet , so he didn 't get very far before he ended up back in the spot . Eventually he stayed , crying " I want mama " over and over in the short minute he was in time out . I don 't have any fantasies that time outs will continue to go this smoothly . I think it will probably get more difficult before he finally accepts them as a form of punishment for bad behavior , but I 'm glad the first one it over . It 's like taking the plunge in an icy pool and realizing that the water really isn 't so bad . Liz over at Mom - 101 recently blogged about her antiquated knowledge of the music scene nowadays . Her " Old Fart Musical Creed " is witty and made me realize that my own musical knowledge is falling embarrassingly behind . With my own little rugrat quickly approaching the age where he repeats everything he hears ( note to self - - stop saying shit so often ) , it 's made me think a lot about my own music choices . In particular , I 'm really not sure what to do with the fact that the station I listen to most often has a DJ whose favorite word is douche bag . But , damn it , I 'm just not ready to be old enough for a mix station . I like music that rocks . I was a child of the 90s alternative scene who bought CDs like some people buy cinamochanillafukachinos and went to countless concerts in college . I even went to Woodstock ' 99 - - that ill - fated one that disintegrated into a riot . My mother was so proud . * I think I had this idea that by liking hard , raunchy rock , I was making a statement about my own independence and strength . You would never catch me at an Ani Difranco concert . The only girl bands I would listen to were Garbage or Hole . I still like my rock to , well , rock . I loved that when I was pregnant , the baby seemed to react to Green Day and Metallica more than other artists . On the way to the hospital in labor with Little Man , and I saw it as a good omen that Bawitaba was playing and it was a little Rage that got me through hour 5 . Now that I 'm older and a littler more distanced from that time in my life , I 'm starting to wonder why I listened to some of the more misogynistic of the late 1990s bands . I 'm also starting to realize I am hopelessly out of touch . You know you 're getting old when you 're pregnant and nauseas at a Foo Fighter 's concert . Rock on . So , in homage to mom - 101 , my own declaration of my transition into old - fartdom . I accept that the world of hip ( is that even what the kids are saying now ? ) music is swiftly passing me by . I accept that I will probably never catch up with the musical trends , and I am becoming less and lat For the last 7 years , I 've been working toward this far off date when I would finally be done , finally have this thing called a dissertation finished and on the shelf . It 's been five years , then four years , then three years , then two years away . Now , it 's just over a year . I think I realized just how solid a reality that future is yesterday when I was looking over a proposal I was writing and noticed the title I 've selected . It sounded so authoritative and real - - like something someone would actually write . And then it dawned on me , I am writing it . Slowly and surely , the jumble of half formed ideas I 've been wading through for the last three years is becoming a dissertation . . . the first draft of a book . It 's strange when you work and work and plan and plan , and then , suddenly , you realize that it 's working . As I walked around campus yesterday , the wind had a certain bite that seemed to instantly bring to mind memories of falls past . Fall has always been my favorite season ; with the musty smell of fallen leaves and morning nip to the air , it is refreshing without the damp squishiness of spring . When I was young , my family would spend fall weekends hiking the various metropark trails together , trying to earn hiking sticks that my brothers and I would inevitably use as ninja weapons during the summer . I love this seasonal rush , where one holiday runs into the next until another year has run itself out , and we have only February snowstorms to look forward to until spring . Yesterday , though , the memories the chill wind brought to mind were more specific . For a moment , somewhere between the Quad and my car , I was taken back for a moment to that one fall in 2000 when J and I started dating . That fall is really the only fall I remember from college . I was a commuter student and could never really figure out how to get involved in the life of my university . My college friends didn 't come from my dorm floor or some big lecture class , but were work friends , most of whom weren 't college students themselves . My memories of the university are limited to getting on and then getting off campus , because I never really felt like I belonged there . At least until that fall . Our first real date was during the halloween celebration that the quaint campustown area held each year . I had never been to this quintessential Kent festival until he asked me to go along with him . I wasn 't even sure it was really a date , at first . But when he put his arm around me on a cold street corner , I realized it was . Our relationship was never really supposed to work . I knew that I was graduating in December and would be going to grad school somewhere not in the state I drew up with . I wanted a city . I wanted to live out on my own - - and no boy was going to get in the way of that . He knew that he would be doing a year or two stint for Americorps , and then he dreat Daylight Savings Time is no fun at all with a toddler . Somehow , he didn 't quite get the message that we were allowed to sleep for another hour . Nope - - he woke up at his usual time , right around 7 : 30 , which translates to 6 : 30 AM during DST . Somewhere around 6 : 30 PM , J and I looked at each other and wondered when the day would ever end . The upside is that now I 'm awake at 6 : 00 AM . I 've gotten in almost 40 minutes of basic housekeeping work - - sending emails to silly students and to my chair about this fellowship application I 've gotta finish in the next 10 days , reading the NY Times , stuff like that . In other news . It is apparentl National Blog Posting Month . So I 'm going to start this contest where you post every day . I 'm hoping that maybe by having something due every day , I 'll get more of my own work done in the process . Tomorrow is Halloween . Little Man will be unveiled as Elvis , we will have our first real Halloween part , and women everywhere will put on the bare minimum amount of clothing . I don 't really get it , to be honest . Sexy is one thing . Slutty is quite another . Apparently , if you happen to be a female , Halloween provides ample opportunity to whore it up a bit . For instance - You can be a witch - Apparently , the only thing that you need to be a witch is a pointy hat . Or , if the macabre isn 't for you . . . sail the high seas as a pirate ! The sword is really what gives the costume that certain something , don ' tyou think ? And how can you not want to take a walk down a yellow brick road when you 're stepping out as Dorothy ? She 's not from Kansas any more boys and girls . . . I 'm not even sure I understand this one - - and gangster bunny . Since when do bunnies even run liquor ? And just in case Dorothy was too tame - - why not dress up asthe kind of nun all little catholic school boys fantasize about ? Maybe I 'm just jealous that this raunchy little trend wasn 't around when my body might have possibly made one of those costumes work . But , really , how many people out there can make those silly costumes work ? From the looks of the fairly average college girls trying them on at the local Halloween shop , not very many . You just kind of want to pull them aside and say , " Sweetie , no matter how you work it , that little bitty thing you think is a nurse outfit doesn 't make you look sexy , it makes your completely normal and fairly average body look just exactly that . " But what I really want to know is when did Halloween become just a holiday for the guys ? Sure , there 's something exhilarating about dressing like the slut you ( secretly ) wish you could be . Inhibitions , be damned ! But for what ? A student of mine said today that Halloween is the day girls can dress up and not be judged . Then what 's the point of hoochin ' it up ? Don 't they want to be judged ? Isn 't that the point ? Anyway - we 'll be having a nice , tame little Halloween party . No body shots with toddlers at I know that every parent thinks that their child is smarter , more talented , and cuter than pretty much any other child alive . I struggle constantly to recognize this propensity in parenthood , but every time I think I have the megalomania conquered , Little Man does something that puts me clear back to square one . If it pleases the court , the people now present the following evidence : Exhibit A - You know those little pop - up toys that kids play with ? You twist a knob or push a button or flip a lever and suddenly a little door pops up and shows the kid an animal of some sort . Great entertainment . Really . Anyway , we have one and one day Little Man was playing with it . Out of the blue , and without coaching him , I asked which one the elephant was . Sure enough , the little booger pushed the right button . Thinking it was a fluke , I asked where the panda was . Right again . Somehow , he managed to memorize the entire board . Exhibit B - J was fastening him into the car seat tonight , and he suddenly exclaimed " elephant " ( not quite that eloquently , but still ) . Look though he might , J couldn 't find an elephant anywhere in the car . Then he realized that Little Man was pointing to a puzzle piece - - an upside down puzzle piece . No elephant was visible . He just knew , from the size and shape of the piece , that it was the elephant piece . Even out of context . Every time I don 't expect anything , he comes up with some new trick or piece of knowledge that he just picked up somewhere . Flippin ' brilliant - - really . Mommy / prof tagged me for this meme , and I figure if an almost tenured prof . has time to meme , than who am I to argue ? ? Although I 'm still not sure about thisFirst , the rules : There are a set of questions below that are all of the form , " The best [ subgenre ] [ medium ] in [ genre ] is . . . " . Copy the questions , and before answering them , you may modify them in a limited way , carrying out no more than two of these operations : You can leave them exactly as is . You can delete any one question . You can mutate either the genre , medium , or subgenre of any one question . For instance , you could change " The best time travel novel in SF / Fantasy is . . . " to " The best time travel novel in Westerns is . . . " , or " The best time travel movie in SF / Fantasy is . . . " , or " The best romance novel in SF / Fantasy is . . . " . You can add a completely new question of your choice to the end of the list , as long as it is still in the form " The best [ subgenre ] [ medium ] in [ genre ] is . . . " . You must have at least one question in your set , or you 've gone extinct , and you must be able to answer it yourself , or you 're not viable . Then answer your possibly mutant set of questions . Please do include a link back to the blog you got them from , to simplify tracing the ancestry , and include these instructions . Finally , pass it along to any number of your fellow bloggers . Remember , though , your success as a Darwinian replicator is going to be measured by the propagation of your variants , which is going to be a function of both the interest your well - honed questions generate and the number of successful attempts at reproducing them . So , without further ado : My great - great - great - great - great - great - great - great - great - great - grandparent is Pharyngula . My great - great - great - great - great - great - great - great - great - grandparent is Metamagician and the Hellfire Club . My great - great - great - great - great - great - great - great - grandparent is Flying Trilobite . My great - great - great - great - great - great - great - grandparent is A Blog Around the Clock . My great - great - great - great - great - great - grandparent is Primate Diaries . Mat I just finished writing this rather depressing and sappy post about how I 'm all stressed out right now . Then I got to the end of it , realized that writing it was enough , and decided that I couldn 't possibly post it . Instead , I thought I 'd give you some random moments of joy in my daily life . Before we went to DC , I showed Little Man some of the animals we 'd be seeing at the zoo on the computer . The National Zoo has this fabulous website where you can watch live webcams of most of their animals . You can usually see an elephant and , almost always , the not - so - baby - anymore baby panda . Little Man loves it . Loves it so much that he wants to see the " eppugees " all of the time . " Eppugee , " oddly enough is also his word for apple juice which is his word for any kind of drink . One night we were playing in the living room , and suddenly he took my hand , looked at me earnestly and said , " eppugee ? " I asked , " Do you want a drink ? " To which her replied solomnly , " ooo . . . . eppugee , kiyyee kaa , oo - oo - ah - ah . " Which translates , roughly , to " elephant , kitty cat , and monkey . " How can you say no to a request like that ? ? To distract him from watching the eppugees all of the time - - ok , really to entertain myself , because I can only look at the same # @^#^ elephant picture so many times in one week , I tried to find some animals on YouTube . Here 's what my search came up with : This is now Little Man 's most favoritest thing to watch . And how can you not love it ? Now , instead of eppugees , he wants the bock - bocks . Oh - and he wants this too : Can you blame him ? I 've been in a holding pattern lately . After I finished the Fitzgerald chapter , I kind of stalled . I took a little break , then we had to do some traveling , then J got the weird opportunity to apply for a job we weren 't planning for , and then suddenly it 's the end of October and I have no third chapter done yet . Really , no third chapter even started . Lately , I 've been unfocused . With all the grading and running around , it 's been hard to get back to a routine where I 'm really getting something done . I 've started waking up at 6AM to work , and I think that 's helping a little . But I need to get cracking . Lately , though , all I want to do is play with my new sewing machine . It looks kind of like this ( only blue ) and it 's so easy to use . The only machines I 've ever used are older - than - sin - Singers , so I was a little unsure about not buying a Singer . I really never saw myself as the sewing type . I 'm not all that great at it , but it sure is a great stress reliever when the machine works . Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzip and you have yourself a table runner . Twenty minutes or so and there is actually a tangible finished product . In the midst of this interminable dissertation , having something that has a real end point - - an easily attainable end point - - seems absolutely delicious right now . But I really do need to get started on something more in line with my real work . I have a bunch of things that I should start working on , so maybe after my meeting ( finally ! ) with my chair on Thursday , I 'll have either the inspiration or the impetus to start something . I know that some people have reacted and commented on the last post I made - - especially my own guilt about wanting to spank Little Man . I really appreciate those comments , because they always make me reexamine my own beliefs and my own decisions . I think I need to clarify some of my comments though . I think that we all have to make our own decisions about parenting and discipline - - only we live with our children . I know , in my own situation , that the moments I 've wanted to smack my child doing so would have only made me feel better - - and then very soon after , worse . I know that developmentally , a child Little Man 's age isn 't really able to control his impulses - - it 's why they do things over , and over , and over , and over , and over - - until they can control their impulses , I don 't think that a little ( or big ) smack can be effective . That urge to keep trying things is natural , and fear doesn 't stop it . I don 't think toddlers know what they 're feeling half the time . Most of the time tantrums are just an overwhelming rush of desire and angst and fear all rolled into one . They seem so out of control because they , literally , are . J and I have thought long and hard about the way we want to discipline our children . All I ever knew was discipline that involved a swat on the behind occasionally . I didn 't really even buy into the whole time - out thing until somewhat recently . But as I think back over what I remember of the discipline of my childhood - - and , really , I wasn 't disciplined all that often - - I realize that spanking loses its effectiveness . I can remember the moment when it stopped being effective for me : my dad threatened to hit me for something and I thought to myself , " go ahead . . . I don 't care . " Maybe I said it out loud , I don 't remember . But he didn 't carry through . I don 't think I was ever threatened with a spanking again . . . The thing about spanking , I think , is that it is founded on fear rather than respect . I don 't want my children to fear me . I want their respect , but like anyone else , like anything else , respect is soat I have a lot on my mind , and not the time or energy to develop any of these into a real post , so please excuse the randomness : Dear plagiarizers , I am not stupid . Really . I promise . And even though there 's not a thing I can do right now , I 'm watching . Sincerely , Me . I just got done re - reading most of my classes blogs for their mid - term evaluations . There 's some really great stuff in there . As much as I 'm now regretting the sheer amount I have to read , I like the opportunity to see them as complete people . Did I mention that chocolate covered caramel popcorn is better than crack ? We just got back from a weekend in Ohio . It was so good to see everyone , and the visit ( although short ) was a good length . Sometimes I feel guilty for living so far away , but the truth is that I don 't miss Akron at all . Sure , I 'd love to be able to see my parents and grandparents more often or to have Little Man around the family more , but I like my little life out here on the prairie . I like that we don 't have a lot to work our schedules around , other than our jobs . Retirement is coming soon , so hopefully Little Man will get more time with them all soon . Little Man thinks he 's 2 . I thought we were supposed to get 2 years before the tantrums start . What do you do with a child who 's having a meltdown ? ? He 's been so good thus far that I am totally unprepared to deal with this new phase . Maybe it will pass quickly . I hate people who tell me that I turned out ok after being raised in an environment where spanking was one form of discipline . Old school , ya know ? I more and more realize that I can 't possibly be ok when I have the urge to hit a toddler . There can 't be anything productive in hitting a toddler . They don 't have the ability to know right from wrong , predict consequences , or even control their own impulses yet . Hitting is totally and utterly counterproductive at this age ( and really , at any I think ) . But the impulse I have is to smack him . And then I feel guilty about feeling like I should hit the most precious thing in my world . And then at I wrote earlier about Bill Maher and the unending stupidity of people like him . The ladies over at the League of Maternal Justice are taking back motherhood by celebrating the boob . Bravo to them . And here 's to a world where mother 's don 't have to feel ashamed about the choices they make about feeding their children - - whichever choice that is . Because , really , it 's nobody 's damn business . Motherhood is hard enough . Is this really news ? There aren 't more important things happening in the world - - you know , like the problems in Burma , the genocide in Sudan , the fact that Hillary just voted to call Iran and terrorist state and thus open a possible door to declaring war on them . When I turn to the NY Times each morning for my daily dose of important headlines , I don 't really except to see an eloquent , elegiac account of the death of Flower . Yes . I understand that Meerkats are adorable . Even Nazi Meerkats are adorable : I even understand that the massive response to Flower 's death might constitute some sort of cultural event that scholars twenty years from now will evoke as some sort of postmodern existential phenomenon . I maybe heartless and unfeeling for saying this , but WTF ? This is what the NY Times calls news ? Really . I have a ridiculous amount of work to do - - papers to grade , midterm grades to post , fellowship stuff to prepare . Oh - - and then there 's that whole dissertation thing . But despite the 90 degree October weather , I 've been doing nothing but playing with Halloween stuff . Remember back when I said I was going to turn Little Man into Elvis ? Mission almost accomplished . This weekend I got out the old sewing machine ( and old is the operative word here . The thing is at least from the early 1960s ) and got busy on those little scraps of white material I had cut out a few weeks ago . It turns out that I can actually sew . Not well , mind you - - Elvis probably won 't have the straightest seams - - but I did complete one tiny white jumpsuit , complete with sparkley red bell - bottoms and one very small cape . I 'll post pictures soon , but first I have to be - dazzle the thing with some faux rhinestones . J is still in a bit of disbelief that it 's done . The sewing machine is also done . It 's really my grandma 's - - an old Singer that weighs about 10lbs and only sews in a straight line . It 's just too temperamental for someone who doesn 't know a whole lot about sewing to deal with it . Just as I was only 3 or 4 seams away from finishing , it decided it was done . I wasted over an hour just trying to get it to sew something without the thread snapping . The Singer is going back to Ohio for Christmas and staying there for good . There 's no way I am going to wrestle with it while I make the baptism quilt . The material was too expensive to screw it up with the old machine . In a few short days , I 'll have the brand new computerized machine that I found on Overstock . com . I can 't believe that this is making me excited , but it kind of is . I have the baptism quilt to finish by Christmas , but before then , I need to finish Elvis , make myself a costume , and turn J into a Werewolf . With 80 - some stitch patterns , I should be good to go . ( Watch , I 'll probably only ever use the straight stitch . ) Because Halloween is only a few weeks away and we are having a real Halloween partyat
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ABOUT USThanks for checking our site out ! We are a family of bloggers who spend most of our free time reading and reviewing . We absolutely love books ! Mostly we review YA / FIC / Fantasy / Middle Grade BUT . . . recently we have been diversifying our reading selection . All 4 of us contribute to the site . It is our family 's " hobby " and we love to do it ! REVIEW POLICYWe currently have relationships with many of the top publishers out there and usually get books to review from them . If you are an Author or Publisher and are interested in having us review your book or an ARC , please email us at tlgbrs @ gmail . com . We would just like some details on the book and will get back to you immediately . We can review hard copies or ebooks on ibooks , Kindle , or Bluefire . Thanks so much and we look forward to hearing from you ! DISCLAIMERThe Lateiner Gang receives books from several publishers and authors at no cost to us , which we review on our site . We receive no monetary compensation for the reviews . They are provided in return for our honest opinion of the book that is read and reviewed . ENJOY ! The Lateiner Gang Thomas knows that WICKED can 't be trusted . They stole his memories and locked him inside the Maze . They forced him to the brink of death by dropping him in the wilds of the Scorch . And they took the Gladers , his only friends , from him . Now WICKED says that the time for lies is over . That they 've collected all the data they can from the Trials and will rely on the Gladers , with full memories restored , to help them with their ultimate mission : to complete the blueprint for the cure for the Flare . But the Gladers must undergo one final test . What WICKED doesn 't know , however , is that Thomas has already remembered far more than they think . And it 's enough to prove that he can 't believe a word of what WICKED says . The time for lies is over . And the truth is more dangerous than Thomas could ever have imagined . So what are YOU doing this weekend ? Watching the DVR of the episode 1 of The Jeresey Shore in Italy from Thurs ? ? If your not from here ( NJ ) , I 'm hoping the answer to that is NO ! Well , I 'll give you , let 's see . . . . 1 guess as to what I am doing this weekend . I couldn 't believe it when I got the call from the old lady ( approaching 36 . . . getting REAL old ! ) that this showed up in the mail yesterday ! Thank god it was Friday and ther ewas only another few hours of work left ! Well , if you happen to catch this post in the next day or so , just know that there will be a review up before the weekend is over . When I was given the book by someone at Random House , I was asked to hold off on the review . I called to thank her yesterday for the book to find that she is no longer there . I was told it would be ok to put out the review by someone who was covering for her temporarily . With that permission , I 'll have a review up as soon as I finish this sucker . I know you have ALL been waiting for this so as usual , I 'll try my best to give you a good review without spoiling too much ! WOO - WEE ! DASHNER IS IN THE HOUSE ! Hello all ! Well , you all know our great friend and wonderful author of the Alvor series , Laura Bingham . Not too long ago , I reviewed " Wings of Light " . What would a review be without the rest of the TLGBRS " triple threat " components ? ? ? Exactly - that 's why we are bringing you the other 2 parts . First the interview , and then we will get to the giveaway . I 'm an author of young adult books . Right now I have ALVOR and WINGS OF LIGHT out there as published works . Think teen fantasy . I love writing , reading , clogging , Irish dancing and eating dark chocolate . Which doesn 't make me a typical mom , but I 'm that too . I have five kids , all adorable , destructive tendencies notwithstanding . Besides writing , which I like to think of as my dream career , I teach clogging and Irish dance . Once upon a time I taught Earth Science , Biology and Physical Science , but I hung my science teacher hat on the wall after we adopted my first son . I haven 't looked back . I still love teaching . These days I end up in schools as an author doing presentations - and that too is one of my dream jobs . I have a general idea of what the story line is , and then I write in the rest . I love finding out new dimensions of the characters and stories as I write . Always , something unexpected turns up as I go . Alvor was the first novel I wrote and it comes with its own story . Wings of Light was planned since the day Alvor was created . There 's three books to this series , so hold on to your seats ! TLGBRS : What was it about your genre that interested you enough to choose to write in it and not in another genre ? I guess I never grew up . I love reading young adult and middle grade , but even more , I love teaching kids . Writing in the genre is the most natural place for me to be . TLGBRS : What 's the best advice you ever received ? There is more than one story . You have as many opportunities as you create for yourself . I believe good writers read a lot . That depends on where in the house the book is located . I read while I work out ( a perfect motivator ) and I have a book holder on my elliptical fitness trainer where I use binder clips to hold the pages down while I work out . Then there 's always a book behind the sofa . Post - it notes rule - and it was the first thing they were used for I 'm told . TLGBRS : What one thing do you like most about writing ? Least ? I love losing myself in the story and feeling like time has no meaning . It gives me such a happy boost to write several pages in one sitting . What I like least - not getting enough uninterrupted time . I can 't write if I don 't have enough time to get my head back into the story . TLGBRS : Tell us what inspired the Alvor series . For years I have visited my grandparents who live in the Pennsylvania hills . I 've walked through the dense forest where bushes and thick vegetation fill the gaps between the tall oak trees . It isn 't hard to imagine that fairies could live in a place where fireflies bounce off the lawns in the evening . This is the world where Erin and her twin brother have lived most all of their lives She is an average fifteen year old whose twin brother is everything she 's not . He 's athletic and charismatic . She feels about as coordinated as a four year old on roller skates , and with her unruly red hair and extremely fair skin , she doesn 't find herself compellingly attractive . Living in a quiet village there isn 't much to do , and most of their summers are spent exploring the hills . It was only a matter of time before they found the cabin . A world of fairies , elves , and magic is opened up and disbelief is not an option . They can see them , talk to them and then they find out that if they choose , they can become elves . I wrote this story because I believe that we all have power inside of us . Power to change who we are , who we become and to influence the world around us . If I could reach out to readers and inspire them to see the infinite potential that lies there , I will have succeeded in the purpose of this story . Take a journey into the world where you can use magic , talk to butterfly winged fairies and learn to use an eternal blade . Fall in love , but be prepared for the evil that stands in the way between you and all you hoped to achieve . TLGBRS : What advice would you pass along at this point in your career ? Don 't stop writing . Always move forward . Don 't give up in the face of rejection . Seek help through writers groups , writers conferences and the internet . Find other authors and read their stories of how they got published . AND OUR FAVORITE ONE , AS USUAL . . . . Oooh , it is hot this summer and my air conditioner broke . I think I would fly all the way to New Jersey for a Klondike Bar . What do you say Dave ? HA ! LOVE IT ! Fly all the way to NJ for a Klondike bar ? ? Who would do such a thing ? ? As a matter of fact , Laura is doing just that ! Yup , Bingham and her # 1 fan ( Hubby " P " ) are flying out to hang with the gang ! So what we are going to do is have a special contest and have it end on August 12th , the day we will be hangin with the Binghams . So lets say at . . . . 12 : 01am on Friday August 12th , we will pick a winner together using random . org . Sound good ? So what are we giving away and what do you have to do to get it ? Laura is going to be giving away 2 copies of Alvor and 2 copies of Wings of Light . That 's right , 4 in total . So we are going to have 4 winners . That means if you win Alvor , you will definitely want to go out and read Wings , and if you win Wings , well , you will just have to trust us here that it 's worth it and go grab a copy of Alvor . Sound good ? Now how ? ? ? MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL ! ! ! ! ! ! YOU MUST AND I REPEAT MUST BE A " FOLLOWER " of our site . That little box on the right side of the site that has the pictures of some of our followers . . . . . Go there and sign up if you are already not a follower . As you may know from the past , we absolutely , positively , without a doubt will check to make sure you follow our site before we confirm you as a winner . If you are not a follower , you are not a winner . ( well , at least not for the contest anyway ) So that 's it . Pretty simple . You can earn a bunch of entries . How many you get depends on how hard you want to win a copy : o ) When initially approached on this one I had no idea what it actually was . Once I got my hands on it I LOVED it ! That says a lot since Mara is the actual cook in the house ! What I LOVED was that the concept was a simple one , but so creative and perfect I wondered why no one had thought of it before . Here 's the deal . . . . There are a ton of popular titles ( mostly recent and best sellers ! ) that all have some sort of significant " food " item in the story . Let 's use the one I was involved with - " Alvor " by Laura Bingham . In the sequel , " Wings of Light " one of the characters makes bread dough rise magically . So , here is what the book is about . . . . Christy takes a short description of the story , takes a key " food " ingredient or idea from the book , and writes the recipe . Along with the recipe comes a few blurbs from bloggers . . . ahem , ahem . . . . . that would be us : o ) Seriously , a fantastic idea ! You get a ton of info all rolled up in one . Let 's look at mine . . . " Wouldn 't it be wonderful if you could magically make bread dough rise , just like Erin and Bain 's mother , Julia , does in Wings of Light , the sequel to Alvor ? These rolls are one of my favorite recipes . They are simple to make , requiring only a thirty - minute rise before cooking them from a cold oven . Mix the water and sugar . Sprinkle with yeast and wait for it to activate . Add salt , shortening , and three cups of the flour . Mix well . Add three more cups of the flour . Mix again . Let rest for 10 minutes . Knead . Roll out and use a clean glass to cut out circles . Using the blunt side of a butter knife , depress a line across the circle of the roll and fold in half , stacking the rolls in a 9x13 inch pan . Let rise for 30 minutes . Put in a cold oven and set the temperature at 400 ° . Take the rolls out after 25 - 30 minutes . Makes 2 dozen rolls . Note : you can form the dough into whatever bread you desire : rolls , loaves , bread bowls , breadsticks , pretzels , bagels etc . That was 1 . IF you want the rest , your gonna have to pick up the book . I would definitely say its worth it . If you love reading , love cooking and eating , and love reading reviews , it 's a must buy . You can find more info on the book as well as purchase details atwww . bookbloggerscookbook . com ANYONE WHO LEAVES A COMMENT ( and your email address ) ON THIS REVIEW WILL AUTOMATICALLY BE ENTERED INTO A GIVEAWAY CONTEST FOR AN AMAZON KINDLE AND SOME FREE COOKBOOKS FROM CHRISTY ! ! ! PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU ARE A FOLLOWER OF OUR SITE TO ENTER ! ENTER AWAY ! I was fortunate enough to read this when it was still in PDF format for Laura and give he some of my opinions . Obviously if you read Alvor , you know that she really didn 't need any of my suggestions . What Laura asked for was the truth . That 's what I gave her . I honestly loved it the first time I even read it . What I had mentioned and it is captioned somewhere , is that an author can have a really good book . When they try to expand , MOST of the time they screw the series up and should have quit while they were ahead . I absolutely LOVED Wings of Light . I have been contemplated whether I liked it more than Alvor or not , but I am on the fence . It definitely was not any less exciting than A1 ( that 's what we will refer to Alvor and A2 for Wings ) . I think that I liked the details in book 1 better when it was new to us and everything needed to be learned for the first time . I love this book because I felt that Laura really got us deep into the story , gave us answers to MOST of the questions I had through this book and some still left from A1 , AND introduces some really cool stuff , like the Wings of Light . Of course , my FAVORITE , the brooch was still in the book and used often . LOVE THAT as well as my other favorite , the pop fountains . Every time she mention them , I wish for one in my back yard . That stuff , along with the magical settings , animals , powers , and action are just fantastic . The book was just plain written very well . I definitely think if you haven 't tried A1 , go get it . You will be hooked and the good news is A2 will be ready for you to pick up where you left off without delay . The story of the twins , Erin and Bain , are normal teens who suddenly become invincible elves with crazy powers and one heck of a mean - A * * dragon . There is all sorts of magic , like the invisibility ward and the sound ward , which keeps what your saying only in the inner circle who you allow to hear you ( how cool ? ? ) . So much content here , I couldn 't put it down . The story for one , got really exciting how you learn the connection between many of the characters . And they were big surprises also . Erin and Bain end up in a ton of messes and situations and seem to be able to work together with their friends and family to solve them . There is all sort of of things going on like trust issues , again , new powers ( i wish , wish , wish i was able to use the wings of light ! Boy would that come in handy ! ) You are gonna have to read to find out what it is . Anyway , in the end , Bingham does put a bunch of closure on things , ends with some surprises that I wondered about the whole 2 books , but figured I was crazy for thinking , and coolest of all , left some opened ended issues that I will just DIE if she doesn 't write a follow up . Ptinces , and princesses , magical elves and faerie , an enchanted world , ugly as sin villains , and twists and turns around every corner , I am once again in awe at Bingham and her work . My favorite part of the book was that most of the chapters were short ones , which for the 100th time I LOVE ! It makes it way easy to jump around a lot , cover many different angles at a time , and still tie everything together . SO I am putting this one at the top of my suggestion pile . I seriously would suggest getting these and giving them a shot . It was genuinely hard for me to put them down . Once in a while you guys may not agree with me and think I 'm nuts , but I don 't think that will be an issue this time around . Go ahead , give it a shot . Im not sure exactly what Laura and I are going to be doing but it is looking towards are signature " Triple Threat " where the Gang does a review ( duh , what I just did ) , an interview , and a giveaway . I also have a feeling Laura may be feeling generous and giving a couple of copies away . I can even see if she has some old Alvor books laying around so we can give away one of those possibly too . Makes sense if she does . Some of you who haven 't read it may want to try Alvor . I guarantee if you do , you will be getting Wings of Light shortly after . One final note , one of our most faithful followers since day 1 , Sandra Stiles , has taken the leap from English teacher to PUBLISHED author ! her new book , Steps of Courage is available online I believe . Not sure about stores yet , but when Sandra comments as usual , she can include a link as to where to get a copy . I will be reviewing it shortly once I finish something else I 'm in the middle of . BTW , BEA was cool . Missed Dashner , but as much as I love him , my brother had met us in the city with surprise Yankees tickets for that day , and as much as I love him , I had to see my Yanks . Sorry Dash and I still love ya ! Last but not least , TLGBRS was recently asked to participate in and ARE in a new book called " The Book Blogger 's Cook Book " but Christy Dorrity . It is actually a fantastic idea . Long story short , she took some of the recent best sellers , incorporated a part of their story ( synopsis ) with a fresh recipe of her own ( something related to each book ) , and then ending it with some reviews for each book . We happen to get Laura Bingham 's ALvor , which I thought was cool . I also had one foe Maze Runner , but I don 't think I submitted it . Anyway , check it out . The concept is fantastic and I loved reading it . Possibly considering an in depth review . Ok so I said one final thing 10 times . . . . . shoot me . . . . . Last thing I just want to mention , is that my all time favorite author , the one who actually inspired me to start this site , James Rollins has a new book in his Sigma series coming out in a week or so called " The Devil Colony . " If you haven 't read him , I suggest you give his stuff a try . Guy got me into this site ! He actually has a short story you can buy for peanuts on amazon , which is a middle short story between the new one and his previous sigma novel , The DOomsday Key . Besides the sigma force story , he wrote a bunch of independents , not in a series . These are what got me hooked . I read 8 hours a night , and finished all 12ish of the books he had out in a week or so . From there I was hooked ! Just wanted to give a shout out to James who is also a really nice guy . So that was about all I had to say . KEEP YOUR EYES PEELED FOR THE WINGS OF LIGHT CONTEST ! IT ' S COMING SOON ! So last year I reviewed " I am Number Four " and LOVED IT ! I have been harassing Harper for this for a while and made sure I got my hands on a copy as soon as it came out . What 's funny is I actually watched " I Am Number Four " on Friday and thought it was really cool . Obviously a lot from the book was cut , but it was definitely a refresher for me before tearing The Power of Six apart ! SO MUCH happens in this book , I don 't know where to begin . Ill try to keep it short and sweet BUT if you liked the first one , this was an awesome sequel . Did not disappoint and making me wish the next one was out already . More of " them " , more Legacies ( OMG , I want them all ! ) , and more info that you are all looking for in the sequel , including what is in those stinkin chests ! Ill start by telling you this , once I finished the book , I knew about # 's four , six , seven , and nine . Nine comes in at the end , but he 's a cool dude . The other thing that we learn ( BIT OF A SPOILER SO SKIP THIS IF YOU DONT WANT TO KNOW ) is that the Gardes ship was NOT the only one that came . So here 's the breakdown - Four , Six ( who you met in the first book ) , and Sam run from Paradise , leaving Sarah behind . No choice - for her safety . They basically spend the book running , training , and killing so many Mogs I wonder how there are any left out there . A lot more background info about what their purpose is and more about their planet is explained in this one . What is really super cool is the chests . A few were opened in the book and although we don 't know what a lot of the stuff inside does , its all still really cool . Some of the Legacies that the others have is also really cool . Let 's give you a few examples BESIDES the ridiculous fighting skills they all have that make Bruce Lee , Chuck Norris and everyone 's favorite this week - The Terminator , look like American Girl Dolls . A few - underwater breathing , healing ( which you can imagine comes in handy many , many times throughout the book , and invisibility . Don 't want to give them all away : o ) While Four and Six and Sam are doing their thing , there is also a crazy love triangle - quadrangle goin on because remember John ( four ) loves Sarah , and he is only supposed to have one love of his life , as Henri told him . BUT as he spends all this time with Six , he really starts to like her . Sucky part is Sam likes Six too . The rest is left for the next book . . . . While they are figuring this stuff out , always on the move , we go to number Seven . A good part of the book is from the point of Seven , who is somewhere in a Church / Orphanage with her Cepian hiding away in Spain . Not only are her legacies just starting to show , her Cepian seems to be fallen for the Church and doesn 't remember their ultimate goal of saving Lorien . Throughout the book , the stories get closer until Six finds Seven ( as well as Ella and Crayton , who all you will get out of me is they are from a second ship that came to Earth . . . . ok - ok - ok Ella happens to be the 10th Garde BUT THAT ' S ALL IM SAYING ! ) and Four finds Nine . BTW , six and seven are females and four and nine are males . Just thought i 'd share that in case you were counting . I am a bit curious about five and eight , but that will be for the next book i guess . Something interesting here is that Sam actually has a purpose . A HUGE one . All of you remember how Sam was looking for his Dad who was crazy into aliens ? ? Well , his dad was actually a big part of how Four and Henri started their life on Earth . Again , more for later . There was a twist at one point where Four goes back to Paradise , OH and runs into Sarah , but it is possible she turned him in , so I am not really sure about where that is going . He does have a kiss with both her and Six in the book , so right now it 's kind of up in the air about who likes who . I did notice that although four was mostly 70 / 30 in favor of Sarah throughout most of the book , I think that shifted to 70 / 30 in favor of Six by the end . Just my thought . I could be wrong . Anyway , tons of new info , cool weapons and cool toys in their chests , some romance , and a ton of killing , the book was just as good as the first , if not better . I 've been pondering how many of these will come out and as much as I was thinking originally a trilogy , I don 't know if I can keep that thought . I am definitely going to guess at minimum 4 with definitely more possible . Honestly , Bring Em On ! ! Loved and and can 't wait for it to hit shelves for everyone to read . BY THE WAY - Mara and I are going to BEA again this year , so if things go well , we can hold a big contest like we did last year with a ton of ARC 's . Please do us a favor and let us know if you guys would be interested in that . I know it sounds corny , but shlepping around 50 lb bags of books for 12 hours a day isn 't the funnest thing to do . But if you guys are interested , we are happy to do it . Dashner should be there , so maybe we can convince him with some New York street pretzels and cart dogs to share some secrets about Death Cure . Probably not , but it will be fun trying ! Lastly , I want to say that recently Mara was really sick and had to go in for surgery . I am sorry it took me a few weeks to put something new up , but life around here has been crazy for the last 2 - 3 weeks . You know how things are fine and then DAVE So I 'm thinking I can get the " other stuff " out of the way quickly then get to this review , which I am super excited to give to you guys ! Really , there isn 't much I have to say . Basically , here goes . . . . . As some of you know , we moved last October and it was a nightmare . For a while , the Gang had to take a little break from reviewing so we could unpack , etc . I have been on here 5 times since , all pumped up to get things going again . Well , its come to the point ( DONT WORRY ! ) where I think I should just apologize . It 's not that I have not wanted to do more . So many things happened over the last few months that have really limited my time on the site , which has KILLED me . You all know how dedicated I am to reading , reviewing , the family thingy cause , etc . . . . Bottom line , time was not on my side . I honestly missed this site so much you guys have no idea . I missed all of you . I missed the comments on my reviews , the opinions of you guys , the contests , and all the other fun stuff that the Gang has always been around for . One thing I missed SO BAD was the Sunday Scoop . So , things have calmed down a bit and I really do have all intentions on getting back in the game full time here . This site was my very inexpensive therapy , which I definitely need again ( not in a crazy kind of therapy , but more of a relaxing thing . I guess call it my yoga . The one thing I mentioned before and I will mention it again is that even though I wasn 't really around much , I didn 't stop reading . I may have slowed down from my 300 pages a night , but I never stopped . For whatever its worth I wanted you guys to know that . Now I do have an unbelievably awesome review for you but first I want to give a shout out . Many of you regulars know how much The Gang supports and loves our very special friend Laura Bingham ( obviously you too P and the rest of the Bingham Gang ! ) . Laura 's sequel to Alvor , titled " Wings of Light " is out and I am so happy for her . I was fortunate enough to read the story a few times through its developmental stages and I really want to say that Laura has done a great job on the sequel . I was quoted in the new book saying something to the effects of what I loved about Wings was that often authors ruin something good when they make a " series " . Laura actually did the opposite . I loved Wings just as much as Alvor and I know those of you out there familiar with the series will love it too . I do plan to review it here and am hoping Laura will still be interested in the contest I promised Id do for her ages ago . In fact , if I can convince her to take some time from her already packed 50 hour days , I may even shoot for a " Triple Threat " ! ! I miss those too : o ( Anyway , thats about it . I figured I owed you all an apology and hopefully I can make good on my promise and get things going again . So before I review Toys by Patterson I want to give you a little idea of how I got to the book ( its not my usual YA / FIC / Fantasy as usual . Its close without the YA part , although its totally appropriate for teens . So the Gang was lucky enough to meet Mr . Patterson last year at BEA ( have to include this one ! GO GIRLS ! ! ! ) . At the time , I had known he was the king but really only read his few recent YA books , which I thought were pretty good . I happen to be browsing B and N online as I usually do every Tuesday for the new releases / coming soon and for some reason took a deeper look at Toys . ( ok the car on the cover was too cool for me not to at least explore ! ) When I read the description , which you will see in a sec , I had to give it a try . I figured 250 million copies sold worldwide or something like that , he must be doing something right , right ? Well , I am SO happy I did . It was fantastic . for several reasons . Here we go ! Hays Baker and his wife , Lizbeth , possess superhuman strength , extraordinary intelligence , stunning looks , ( hide your eyes if you are under 18 ! ) a sex life to die for , and two beautiful children . Of course they do - they 're Elites , endowed at birth with the very best that the world has to offer . The only problem in their perfect life : humans and their toys ! The top operative for the Agency of Change , Hays has just won the fiercest battle of his career . He has been praised by the president and is a national hero . But before he can savor his triumph , he receives an unbelievable shock that overturns everything he thought was true . Suddenly Hays is on the other side of the gun , forced to leave his perfect family and fight for his life . Now a hunted fugitive , Hays is thrown into a world he never imagined , fighting to save humans everywhere from extinction . He enlists all of his training to uncover the truth that will spare millions of lives - maybe even his own . James Patterson 's Toys is a thriller on a hyperplane - with a hero who rivals both James Bond and Jason Bourne . Well , if that description doesn 't get you excited , I 'm afraid there is no hope for you . . . . ( JK , relax . . . ) Hopefully you at least see why I HAD to read it , or at least give it a try . Now , first thing that I LOVED - chapters are like 3 - 4 pages each . You all know how much I love that . Not sure what it is but I just do . So here is the deal . . . . action , action , action . NON STOP ACTION . . . I 'll admit , I couldn 't put it down until I fell asleep after 300 pages or so of straight reading and what was even worse is I only left myself like 65 more to read . Aarrggh . . . . bed at 4 am with a 6am work wake up . . . . . cut me some slack ! The writing was great , the action was non stop , and best of all , the surprises just kept coming and coming and coming . It was definitely one of the better one 's I 've read in a while . Mr . Patterson - you deserve every dollar you have made off the 250 million copies you have sold over your career ( Ummm . . . anyone doing the math on how much this guy is worth ? ? ) Back to the review . . . Great ready that went quick and there wasn 't a chapter where I couldn 't wait until the next . No doubt will I be looking in the Patterson section to figure out what to give a go at next . No doubt . So enough of my Rah Rah . . . . What 's up with the book ? I don 't want to tell you much because this thing really was filled with a ton of surprises . More twists than all the pretzels in NYC . ( ok that 's a bit of an exaggeration but you get the point ) . The story line is awesome . The " Elites " are totally hooked up with super everything - speed , powers , strength , intelligence , and toys . . . . oh do I LOVE the toys . My favorite are these futuristic cars that cruise at about a buck fifty and can hit like 300 + mph with precision handling . Not to mention the on board assistance of an assistant to fix you a drink or the virtual reality games on board that can basically put you in ANY situation you want it to in order to relax your mind . Hays is part of the " Elites " which basically are genetically engineer people who 's ultimate objective is to wipe out all the humans and take over . They call the humans " Skunks " and think equally high of them . Hays is one of the strongest ( in all powers ) of the Elites who despised " skunks " just as much as the next Elite , if not more . This is where it becomes tough to talk about because his surprises and twists are just so darn good . Let 's say that Hays ends up having to fight for his life AGAINST the Elites with his sort of half sister Lucy as well as saving the human race . When I say " save " I mean like down to the last few minutes of near extinction . THAT CLOSE ! NOTHING IS AS IT SEEMS really does describe this book . I will say this and i doubt anyone really doesn 't expect this so it 's not really a spoiler . He does save the human race . It 's not a spoiler . How many books are there where the hero doesn 't win ? Over it ? Good , me too . Getting back to the twists and turns , Hays gets some information not too far into the book that took me for a 180 . Can ya guess what it is ? This news makes him doubt everything and everything he has always believed in and fought for . That 's where things get interesting . I 'd say the action also picks up , but it would be a lie . The action starts on pg 1 and ends on the last page . Traveling all over the world , Hays along with hiAnyway , from love to deceit to love gain , non stop action , some of the coolest futuristic " toys " I have ever read about , this one has it all . I really can 't speak highly enough for it . I would absolutely suggest picking up a copy ( it 's expensive , so look for a B and N coupon or something and once you get the price down a bit , it 's much more enticing to pick it up ) . I 'd tell ya more , but Hays would have to kill you if I did . Did I mention the " killings " are also kind of cool ? I know it may sound cruel , but keep in mind we are in a fictional environment , which sort of makes it ok to appreciate the " ways " and " amount of kills " this book has . Hopefully , you guys who end up reading it will agree with me on this one . For now , that 's all I 've got for you . I am going to do my best to keep my promise to you all and get re - active in the community . I didn 't totally disappear , but I have had this guilt hanging over my shoulders about being MIA for a while . Again , life throws you some curve balls you just can 't hit and the best you can try to do it smack the next fastball out of the park . Batter up ! Cassia has always trusted their choices . It 's hardly any price to pay for a long life , the perfect job , the ideal mate . So when her best friend appears on the Matching screen , Cassia knows with complete certainty that he is the one . . . until she sees another face flash for an instant before the screen fades to black . Now Cassia is faced with impossible choices : between Xander and Ky , between the only life she 's known and a path no one else has ever dared follow - between perfection and passion . To start , I did mention this book in a previous post . I wasn 't really sure if I was going to review it , but I REALLY liked it so I figured a quick review wouldn 't hurt . Also , TLG was supposed to be interviewed for our site today by a local paper . Mara had fallen and injured herself ( and her new Iphone ! ! ) so we had to cancel the interview for today and reschedule . I sort of felt obligated to do SOMETHING site related , so here we are . . . . First of all , this is NOT a " girlie " book per say . I was hesitant when I first saw the cover ( even a Macho reviewer like myself knows there is a line . Not sure where it is , but there 's definitely a line somewhere ) . Being the dedicated reviewer I am , I bought it anyway after reading the flap . Glad I did . I wouldn 't say it was an excellent book , but definitely a good one . Unique , which is hard to find these days . So Cassia lives in this society where they control everything . . . . ( seems to be a common theme lately ) . What is interesting is that they control your " match " as well . It 's a big ceremony , etc and the matches see each other for the first time via video screen at the Matching ceremony . Well , as stated above , Cassia sees her best friend Xander on her match screen which is not only against most odds , but also something that makes Cassia feel really good . She likes Xander a lot . After all , mates are supposed to be friends foremost , right ? Well , that part was already taken care of . For a brief second , another pic flashes on the screen which has never happened before . It is of Ky . Ky is another kid that is friendly with Cassia and her friends BUT he is from an outer province . Somewhere where the " rejects " or people who are imperfect live . Obviously this confuses the heck out of Cassia . As time goes on , her friendship grows for Ky , but so does her love . She is super confused . She really likes and kind of loves Xander , but at the same time is falling in love with Ky . This is a problem . The matching system , in fact , everything where she lives is controlled . Calculated is really the best term . Everything is calculated so that the most desirable , or most accurate outcome always occurs , including death . ( although I must say , in the first few chapters when Condie is taking us through Cassia 's grandfathers death , I was freaked out . Not only was I freaked out , but the way in which he dies ( 80th birthday exactly ) is the way everyone there dies . It is calculated . Pre planned to have a life lived as optimized as possible . It is something that highly disturbed me . The death . I don 't know why , and its only a book , but Condie REALLY disturbed me with the controlled death . Not in a bad way . She definitely got emotions out of me , which is the point of a book I think . Anyway , so here we are . Cassia matched with Xander . But could Ky be her real match ? Is it possible that 2 people fit her match perfectly ? I don 't think so . Keep in mind , this " society " that controls everything , controls EVERYTHING . I 'll leave it at that . There is a definite budding romance in the story and some tough decisions that have to be made . Who is the real match for Cassia ? Ill leave it at this - the " society " knows who the best match is . The questions is - does Cassia figure it out . Does her heart lead her in one direction , or does the " society " lead her in a different . That part I will leave to your reading . So yes , a quick little review . The story did flow well . I was most curious about the " society " and how it was all formed , etc . I would love to have had some more background info on them , but it wasn 't there . That 's all right , the story was good without it . Maybe next time we can get some more background info . To me , that would be interesting . Anyhow , I really liked the story itself . Fun to read and a fairly quick read as well . I believe for sure there will be more installments . Ill definitely read book 2 . Keep in mind what I have said before about authors and series . . . . sometimes an author can turn a great story into a mediocre series . We shall see .
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Back ChaptersStory Index1 . First Meeting2 . Grown Up 3 . Complications4 . Motivation5 . Impossibilities6 . Frustration7 . Winning8 . Lost9 . Nowhere10 . Travels11 . Fancy12 . Party13 . Celebrations14 . Pressure15 . Differences16 . Truths17 . Returning18 . Revealing19 . Screwed20 . Falling21 . Gone22 . Love23 . Rage24 . Mistake25 . Unbelievable26 . Happiness27 . Finale28 . Vanish29 . Unrepairable 30 . Back31 . Closing32 . Epilogue Next Chasing Him by gryffindorlion15 Background : Font color : A / N : Hiiiiiiiiii guysssss . Enjoy this chapter of Catching James Pottter ! This one is the lead up to a couple of massive events so get excited ! ! " It 's not my fault the order for Al 's present took forever ! " Dom exclaimed . " You could have wrapped the others before , " I smiled at her as she threw a pillow at me , which I ducked . " Who cares ? I mean the only interesting thing that 's going to happen around here is that Victoire is coming home , " Dom grunted . Dom 's sister , Victoire was arriving home today with her fiancée Teddy Lupin , they both lived in the city whereas Bill and Fleur 's house was out near The Burrow . The Weasley - Delacour 's house was beautiful . It was a family sized cottage that could almost be a Victorian , but it wasn 't big enough for it to be a Victorian . There was five bedrooms , one for Bill and Fleur , one for Dom , one for Louis , one for Victoire which currently had nothing in it as everything was in her apartment , and a guest bedroom where I was staying . There was two bathrooms plus two ensuite , one for Bill and Fleur and one for the guest . There was a massive kitchen area , a living room and a dining room , plus a small pool . When I tell Dom her house is amazing she just grunts and tells me to wait till I see the Potter 's house at New Year 's . Apparently it 's massive . Dom and I sat silently for around half an hour more wrapping her presents before we got changed and walked down to the kitchen for breakfast . " Morning Dominique ! " Fleur greeted as we entered the kitchen , " Morning Mae ! " Bill was sitting at the table reading the Daily Prophet , Fleur was cooking pancakes on the stove and Louis wasn 't to be seen . " Where 's Louis ? " Bill asked , sipping his coffee . " Asleep , " Dom grunted , taking a pancake from the plate in the centre . " He should be awake by now ! " Fleur cried , " Teddy and Victoire will be here soon ! I 'm going to wake him up , " and she exited the kitchen . Bill sighed , " She doesn 't understand why teenagers sleep so much , " " Which is any minute ! " Fleur said excitedly . She cleared the table with a lazy flick of her wand , ( lucky I was finished ) and Louis cried , " But I 'm hungry now ! " Louis cried . " What 's all this yelling for ? " a voice called from the hallway . " Victoire ! " Fleur shrieked . A woman and a man had entered the kitchen . Victoire had her long silvery blonde hair spilling around her face and she looked extremely vibrant in a pale pink dress . The man with her had electric blue hair that was short and spiky , he was quite tall and was wearing worn jeans , t - shirt and leather jacket . He had his arm wrapped around her waist . Teddy Lupin was simply gorgeous , I knew a lot of girls had had a huge crush on Teddy when he was at Hogwarts . Apparently though , he had only had eyes for Victoire . I wouldn 't have minded dating Teddy , but when his girlfriend * cough * fiancée had a beautiful diamond ring on her finger , it 's a bit late for that . Bill and Fleur quickly got up and raced towards their daughter and her fiancée . Dom and Louis greeted Teddy warmly asking how he was but when they greeted their sister , they just said ' hey ' and ignored her . I knew that Dom and Louis didn 't get on very well with Victoire as they believe she was the ' most loved ' and ' most cared for ' . I 'd learnt this through hours of Dom screaming at the top of her lungs in the dorm room about how much she hated Victoire . Victoire did seem like the perfect child . She had got 9 O 's in her O . W . L 's and was prefect in fifth year . She got mostly O 's on her N . E . W . T 's and was Head Girl in seventh year . She listened in class , was beautiful and was working on her own clothing range . The only bad thing was when her and Dom fought . When Dom and Victoire fought , it was horrible . With their Weasley temper and part Veela blood , it was war when they fought . When I was at Hogwarts in my second year I witnessed my first ever fight . Dom believed that Victoire had stolen her blue dress and they had a screaming match because of this . There was stamping and screaming and even a bit of hair pulling . In the middle of the fight , someone had called Louis and he walked in , all my dorm mates sta " How are you all ? " Victoire asked , sitting down next to Dom ( Dom 's eyes looked as if a fire had been lit ) . " Good , " we replied . " What have you been up to Teddy and Victoire ? " Fleur smiled , fixing the kettle . " We have both been busy with work but we stopped by the Potter 's before we came because Victoire needed more details on tomorrow night , " Teddy rolled his eyes . Everyone laughed . " What 's tomorrow night ? " Dom asked suspiciously . " Because I can embarrass you worse than last year , " Dom threatened . Victoire whitened . Last year at the Ministry Christmas Eve Ball , Dom had gotten very drunk . She had embarrassed herself in front of a couple of Ministry officials before Victoire had found her and dragged her home . Victoire considered this one of the most embarrassing moments of her life . I hadn 't gone to the Ministry Christmas Ball before but had the common knowledge not to get drunk at a party like that . All the important Ministry Officials were there and the same with important people , that 's why the Potter 's and Weasley 's get to go , members of the Order of the Phoenix and Dumbledore 's Army are invited because of how they fought at the battle of Hogwarts . " Fine , " Victoire whispered . She tapped my face and my hair and makeup appeared , highlighting my features and my hair smoothed out shined . " Wow Victoire ! Thanks ! " I smiled . " It 's fine , " she smiled weakly before looking at Dom , " You better keep your end of the deal , " " Don 't you worry , I will , " Dom smiled before running into the fireplace , " Follow me , " She grabbed some Floo Powder from a pot next to the fire before throwing it down and bellowing , " Number Three , Herricks Place ! " And she disappeared . " Herricks Place ? " I asked Bill , " Isn 't that the most expensive street in Wizard London ? " " Yes , " Bill answered . " Godric 's Hollow isn 't it ? " I asked . " Yes , but you better get going before Dom kills you , " Louis says , handing the pot out to me . I grab a handful of powder and step into the fireplace . " Bye , " the Weasley 's call . " Number Three , Herricks Place ! " I yelled as I dropped the powder to the floor . Then I was spinning , spinning out of control with my arms pinned to my side and my eyes close , only hoping that I didn 't throw up . I popped out of the fire onto hard white tiles , putting ash everywhere . I stood up , rubbing my eyes I saw Dom standing over me . " Come on ! " she said , grabbing my hand and pulling me out the door . As I didn 't have much time to study the room , I just quickly glanced at the room once before I left . The room was obviously an Entrance Hall that was about half of the Entrance Hall at Hogwarts . The tiles were square and white with massive stairs opposite the door to my right and there were massive windows . When Dom had told me that the Potter 's had a huge house that was amazing , I didn 't expect this . " AUNT GINNY ? " Dom yelled . " Don 't yell Dom ! " I whispered to her . As I have no idea where the TV room is , I just look at Dom . She seems to be lost as well . " SECOND FLOOR , THIRD DOOR ON THE LEFT ! " someone yells . " Oh , " Dom whispered , taking off up the stairs . I follow her up the stairs and across the hall way . It 's all very fancy and photos plaster the wall . I find see one of a five year old James , four year old Albus and a two year old Lily . They were all smiling and waving while giving each other cuddles . I felt myself smile and try to walk on but I just keep staring at the little James . He was so darn cute ! His eyes twinkled and his teeth shined , his hair was still just as black and messy as it was now , he looked exactly the same as now . The one thing he didn 't possess in the picture but had now was the smirk on his mouth , he looked a lot less cocky . He even had the troublemaker look in his eyes . " Mae ? You coming ? " Dom called from the third door on the left . " Oh , yeah , coming ! " I called jogging to the door . Inside the room was a massive TV , a squashy arm chair and two massive leather couches inhabited by two teenage boys . " Hey Dom ! Hey Mae ! " Al greeted , " What are you guys doing here ? " " Your mother wanted to see us about tomorrow night , " Dom explained , plonking herself down on the couch Albus was on . " Oh , " Albus said , " Who 's your date ? " " We don 't have one , " I said , " Dom forgot to mention it , and I don 't even have a dress , " Albus and James laughed . " You forgot ? " James asked , " Even after last year ? " " Well I don 't remember parties where I embarrass myself in front of the entire Ministry , " Dom shuddered . " First time then Mae ? " Al asked . " Yep ! I hope I don 't screw up , " I muttered , sitting very carefully on the end of James 's couch . " You won 't , you 'll be perfect , " James blurts out . [ Insert awkward silence here . ] Suddenly we heard a roar from down the hall that made us all jump , " Hey ! Have you been going through my stuff ? " James asked angrily . I was trying hard not to laugh , this was possibly the funniest moment of my life , I could hear Dom silently snorting behind me and Al doubled over in silent laughter . " Why do you have a half empty packet of condoms James Potter ? " Ginny roared , poking James in the chest . " Why were you in my room ? " James roared back . " ANSWER MY QUESTION FIRST YOUNG MAN ! " Ginny bellowed , I could hear it echoing through the house . " BECAUSE I USE THEM ! " James roared . Dom was now snorted and holding onto me for support while Albus was on the ground laughing . " You use them ? " Ginny roared . " YES MUM , I USE THEM ! " James bellowed . Lily then chose this moment to see what was going on . " Hey Dom , hey Mae , what 's going on ? " Lily asked suspiciously . " Mum found a pack of condoms in James 's room , " Albus wheezed . " She did ? " Lily asked , joining in the laughter . I have come to the conclusion that James really has really supportive siblings . " ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT MY SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD SON HAS BEEN GETTING IT ' ON ' ? " Ginny bellowed . " YES MUM I HAVE HAD SEX ! " James screamed . " THAT ' S IT YOUNG MAN ! YOU ARE GROUNDED TILL YOU GO BACK TO HOGWARTS ! AND I WILL BE SPEAKING TO YOUR FATHER ABOUT THIS ! " Ginny roared . " What ! No ! What about the Ministry Christmas Eve Ball tomorrow ? " James asked . " YOU WON ' T BE GOING ! " Ginny roared . " But someone will know I 'm not there ! You wouldn 't want the Minister to think I 'm a bad boy , I mean , I couldn 't get a job there ! " James said slyly . Ginny paled . " Fine , you can go to this one event and then you go straight home ! " Ginny muttered . " Good , " James smiled in his success . Ginny finally then realised she had guests . " Dom ! " she swooped in giving her a kiss on the cheek , wow , the woman changes emotions quick . " Hi Aunt Ginny ! This is Mae , " Dom smiled pointing to me . " Pleased to meet you Mrs . Potter , " I smile . " Teddy said you wanted to see us Aunt Ginny ? " Dom asked . " Oh , yes ! " Ginny shrieked , " Follow me and we 'll talk about this over tea , you three also , " pointing her three children . We followed her back down the massive staircase and across the Entrance Hall , into a small room with a fire , carpets and armchairs - it looked like a formal lounge . " This is the tea room , " Ginny smiled . The tea room ? Seriously ? We all took a seat while Ginny ran and got the tea , the time it took her to get it , you 'd think the kitchen was a mile away . She poured us all tea in fancy china cups and then elegantly sat down in a chair . What is it with the Wotter clan and tea ? Can 't someone serve coffee ? I live off coffee and I haven 't had any in two days . That is way too long . Soon I 'll be going into a caffeine withdrawal . Me + no coffee = the next Lord Voldemort . " Well , are you two ready for tomorrow night ? " Ginny asked excitedly . " Uh , no , " Dom muttered sipping her tea . " No ? " Ginny asked worriedly . Dom starting inhaling tea . " Well , Dom forgot about the Ball until Victoire mentioned it this morning , " I explained . " WHAT ? " Ginny yelled . " Dom completely forgot ! It 's so annoying ! " I exclaimed . " DOMINIQUE FABIENNE WEASLEY ! " Ginny roared . Apparently Ginny Potter has a thing with using full names when she 's angry at them . " I 'm so sorry Aunt Ginny ! " Dom whined . " SO YOU DON ' T HAVE ANYTHING TO WEAR THEN ? " Ginny yelled . " No , " Dom whispered . " Fred ! You must have got my message then ? " Ginny smiled , kissing him on the cheek . " Yeah , I did , what do you need ? " Freddie asked . " Well make yourself comfortable ! I 'm talking to Dom , Mae , Albus , Lily and James about it too ! " Ginny smiled . Freddie smiled at his Aunt and looked at the spare chair next to me , I must admit , it looks so comfortable . But when he looked at me and saw the death stares I was giving him , he sat on the arm of Al 's chair . Ginny just raised her eyebrow . " Very well , " she continued , " Mae as you may not know as Dom forgot to mention the Ball , " she shot a death stare at Dom , " It is required to go with someone of your family , " Great , looks like I 'll be seeing my annoying brother Mitch after all . " But as you 're staying with the Weasley 's you can just go with one of us , " Ginny smiled . Shit . Double Shit . Why did it have to be my cheating ex - boyfriend or my best friend who I accidently slept with ? My life is a disaster . A psychotic disaster . An annoying , psychotic disaster . Why do you hate me Merlin ? I stare at Dom and she stares at me , she knows I really can 't go with Freddie but she doesn 't know how awkward it is for me to go with James . " I 'll go with Freddie ! " Dom smiled . " No discussions ? " Ginny asked , raising her perfect eyebrow . " Why ? " Ginny asked . " Freddie and I just broke up , " I said bluntly . I swear , if I have to mention my break up with Freddie one more time … " Oh , " Ginny smiles weakly , " So , then you 'll be going with James , Mae , " Woop - di - doo . I nodded and James does too . " So Dom , do you two have anything to wear ? " Ginny asked nervously . " No , " Dom whispered . " WELL THEN GET UP YOU TWO ! " Ginny yells excitedly , " We 're going shopping ! " * * * * * After probably going through a million stores , I still had nothing to wear . It 's not that I hadn 't liked anything , it 's just that nothing looked good on me . " Don 't worry dear , we 'll find something , " Ginny smiled walking along Diagon Alley . Dom however , had the perfect outfit to wear , and she had actually found it in the second store we went in . As this was a very formal event , we had to wear long , floor - lengthen dresses . The dress Dom had was lilac , with a one shoulder and the bodice area was covered in diamonds . Yes , real diamonds . Her shoes were strappy silver heels to match her diamonds on the dress and she said she had jewellery to go with it at home . I wish I had found something that quick . As we walked into another high labelled store , all the shop assistants ran to Ginny and in welcome . " Mrs . Potter ! Welcome , " they cried . " Good afternoon ladies , " she said , looking through the racks . " Can we help you find something Mrs . Potter ? " one asked . " Yes you can actually , " Ginny smiled , " But not for me , for my friend Mae , " Ginny pointed at me . " Yes , sure Mrs . Potter ! " the shop assistant cried , grabbing my arm and pulling me into a change room . " Well , what 's this for ? What special occasion ? " she cried , studying me . " Ministry Christmas Eve Ball , " I muttered , for possibly the hundredth time today . " Really ? Well I 'll be getting our best stock out then ! " and she shuffled away . I knew what would happen next ; they would study me , tell me their name , ask my size , and pick me out some dresses . I wasn 't allowed to choose my own for a stupid reason , then I 'd be bombarded with around ten dresses to try on . Yippee . I 'd been through this too many times . The lady arrived back with a massive rack of dresses and smiled at me , looking me up and down . " Just for any references my name is Madeleine , " Madeleine smiled . What did I tell you ? " Yes , right on , " I smiled weakly . " Perfect ! And with your hair and eye colours , I think we 'll go with some colours like … " she muttered , going through the rack . I stood their awkwardly for the hundredth time today playing with my hair . I hope there 's actually a good dress in here , my feet where getting sore from walking around today . Quickly , she pushed me into the change room and pushed inside with me about five beautiful looking dresses . All I could see though was frills , lace and sparkles . But at least there was only five . Dear Merlin , I was so sick of this . I stripped down to my underwear and pulled the first dress off the rack ; it was violet and was incredibly tight . When I zipped it up , I could barely walk . The dress was made of silk and there was a silt on the side that went to my hip . Slutty . The next dress was black and high necked ; it looked like it was from the nunnery . I hung it up right away . The fourth dress was way too short ; it was up to halfway up my shins . I 'd be scolded at for showing too much of my ankle . When I saw the fifth dress I fell in love . The dress was a bright red and was strapless and came out in a puffy fabric . It also had gold studs imprinted on the bodice , kind of like Dom 's . It slid on smoothly ( the inside was made of silk ) and the back was silk buttons compared to the other dresses which were zips . This red was my colour , it felt perfect . I step out of the change room where Dom and Ginny were scanning through other dresses , getting ready to give me some more options . They were both totally engrossed in the dresses and Ginny had shop assistants running everywhere and then coming back with more dresses to see if they were up to Ginny and Dom 's standard , sadly the woman who had just brought up a long midnight blue dress that looked about a size ten - how fat did she think I was ? Ginny almost read my mind and snapped at her , sending her away saying I was a size four not a size ten . It was all so crazy in here that no one noticed I was standing outside the change room , so I coughed . All heads turned my way and Ginny and Dom smiled . " You 're so lucky you wear red , " Dom muttered pointing to her strawberry blonde head . " What do you think ? " I asked nervously , flattening my dress . ' Mae , it 's the most beautiful thing I 've ever seen ! " Dom grinned , fluffing it up . " I love it ! It suits you so well ! " Ginny smiled , looking at the tag . I glanced at it too , and almost died of shock . " Ginny , that 's way too much ! " I squealed . " No , it 's fine ! " Ginny smiled waving over Madeleine . " Ginny , NO , " I said firmly . " Mae , " Ginny said equally as firmly , " As you can probably tell by my house that I have too much money , I can buy the dress , " " But , it 's so much ! " I exclaimed . " It is nothing , " Ginny smiled , " We 'll need to look at shoes and jewellery , " " I 'm fine with shoes , I 've got a perfect pair at Dom 's , " I smiled , at least I could use something of my own . " And jewellery ? " Ginny asked . Much to my disgust , I couldn 't argue as Dom had already whipped the curtain on the change room closed . I scolded and very carefully undressed . I couldn 't break this dress , in fact , I was going to save it for life . After very , very carefully removing my dress and hanging it on a coat hanger , plus getting into my jeans and jumper ensemble again , I stepped outside . It seemed that Ginny had already paid for the dress to stop me from whining , smart lady . As soon as I was no more than a metre out of the change rooms , Madeleine and another girl grabbed the dress from my clutches and put it in a special bag that would keep it wrinkling , getting dirty , or anything that could ruin it . As soon it was out of my hands , it was back in there and I was getting dragged across the road towards Michael Hansen Jewellery - the best in London . He was also German , he still had the accent . " Just let her , she can get very nasty if you refuse , " Dom shrugged and walked off . I silently joined Dom and Ginny over and the counter with what would be Michael Hansen . He looked extremely old . The type of old that he could drop dead any minute , I decided to prepare myself in case . " Oohh ! Look at that ! " Dom moaned . Inside the glass case was a set of six golden pins with roses made out of rubies , they were stunning . " Perfect ! " Ginny smiled at Michael . Michael grabbed them out of the case . " Finest rubies in Europe , " he smiled . Ginny then quickly pointed to a set of a gold bracelet and a heavy gold necklace . Michael quickly grabbed them out as fast as an old man could ( slow ) and beckoned me forward . " What ? " I asked . " Measurements ! " Ginny smiled , pushing me forward . I followed Ginny 's push and walked towards Michael , extending my arm over the glass case . He slipped on the bracelet and he made a few adjustments here and there . He did the same with the necklace . As Ginny was chatting to Michael about the payments , I gazed at the jewellery in the store . They all looked so perfectly made and everything was perfectly shined . The emeralds were the most gorgeous green that matched Albus ' eyes and the sapphires were the deepest blue like the sea . I scanned the ruby section and I could help but let out a small oh ! , when I came across something small . " What is it Mae ? " Ginny asked anxiously . Sitting in the glass case was a very delicate looking ring . The frame was made of gold on the actual ring was a giant red ruby in the centre of six dazzling diamonds . It was like a flower . " That is gorgeous , " Dom muttered . Michael beckoned me forward and I extended my arm again . " Vhat finger ma ' am ? " he asked . " Right hand , right finger , " I said . " Ring finger ? " he eyed suspicious . " Ring finger on the right , " I blushed . I suddenly hoped as Michael placed the ring on my finger that it wouldn 't fit . Please , please … . . " Vith someone you love , " Michael continued taking the ring from my fingers , " For something very much like this but for more significance , " Merlin 's pants . " These earrings to Michael ! And then we are done ! " Ginny squealed . Michael walked to where Ginny and Dom were and grabbed out the earrings they wanted before packing everything away , with me still watching him with an open mouth . Ginny paid quickly before pulling us out the store . " That was fun ! He was a lovely man , wasn 't he Mae ? " Ginny smiled , pushing the jewellery bag into my hands . " Yes , " I smiled weakly as Dom and her broke into chatter . I actually thought he was a little crazy . I mean , he thought I was going to be back in his shop soon shopping for an engagement ring . Who would ever think that about a teenage girl who was sixteen and wasn 't even in a relationship ? A / N : How did everyone like this chapter ? Massive event in the next chapter , THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC ' S ANNUAL CHRISTMAS EVE BALL ! Get excited ! For everyone who is waiting for the release of my Marauder 's fic , the start is ready but I haven 't got a bloody title ! ! Will be up soon ! Keep checking for it . Previous Chapter Next Chapter Favorite | Reading List | Currently ReadingBack ChaptersStory Index1 . First Meeting2 . Grown Up 3 . Complications4 . Motivation5 . Impossibilities6 . Frustration7 . Winning8 . Lost9 . Nowhere10 . Travels11 . Fancy12 . Party13 . Celebrations14 . Pressure15 . Differences16 . Truths17 . Returning18 . Revealing19 . Screwed20 . Falling21 . Gone22 . Love23 . Rage24 . Mistake25 . Unbelievable26 . Happiness27 . Finale28 . Vanish29 . Unrepairable 30 . Back31 . Closing32 . Epilogue Next Write a ReviewChasing Him : Fancy All stories remain the property of their authors and must not be copied in any form without their consent . 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Well , Christmas has come and gone , and it was a wonderful Christmas . We enjoyed Christmas Eve in Westport with Nana and Gramps . We started off with a trip to church with Una in her Christmas outfit . Here 's a little slideshow of her getting ready and us heading out . The church was stifling hot , but we survived . Back to Nana and Gramps for our traditional Christmas Eve dinner . Nana did a wonderful job with dinner . It was fantastic . Una was excellent , but not to sure what to make of the Elmo doll Nana gave her . She may get use to it . We 'll see . Back to Pawtucket later that evening to ensure Santa 's arrival was coordinated . This is a little teaser . The Christmas Day post is to be continue . To the left is Una first thing Christmas morning . Each year I get excited about setting up the tree . Sally and I have some wonderful ornaments we 've gathered over our few years together . Hanging them brings out some great memories of the wonderful times we had gathering them , and the great places we 've been fortunate to visit . This year is even more special as Una is old enough to appreciate what is happening . She 's excited about Santa , and enjoyed seeing the different ornaments as we pulled them out of the storage boxes . Since she 's told not to touch the tree , she 's so cute in leaning in to smell it . Decorating the tree also makes me nostalgic in another way , and thus , somewhat saddened . While I think of my two older girls ( Jenn and Ashley ) often , the pulling out of an ornament and glancing to see " Baby 's 1st Christmas - 1981 " or " First Christmas - 1983 " really sends me down memory lane . Good memories , each and every one . No matter how hard I try , there is no stopping the choked up feeling I get . Those memories make you think more intensely of the ones you miss and love . And , not having them with you to relive the experience all over again . . . well . . . sucks . We live in such a disbursed world it 's so hard to be with everyone every year . Texas , Ohio , California , Colorado , Pennsylvania . Luckily , we do have the memories . I 've created this little slideshow of some special ornaments on the tree this year . We have plenty more , but they are the ones that remind me of Jenn and Ashley . I 've inluded ones we have for Una so that Jenn and Ashley could see those , too . It 's just my way of dealing , I think . Merry Christmas Mmmmm . . . fresh snow Originally uploaded by The Three BucketeersI 'm just testing the posting of a photo from Flickr to our blog . This is a cute picture of Una when we had our first snow ( 12 / 7 ) of the year . She really enjoyed it . She 's giggling here because she was eating the snow and Sally was telling her how she likes to eat snow , too . While doing a little electronic housecleaning I stumbled upon this . A bit corny , I know , but I 'm glad I found it . Despite letting the Babiesonline . com account expire , they had a recovery process to restore old posts . I guess this was my way of blogging 2 - 1 / 2 years ago . Enjoy . . . John ( aka Una 's ghostwriter ) I Have A Heartbeat ! - Thursday , March 02 , 2006 I was naked as a jaybird and a wonderful ultrasound technician showed me off to Mom and Dad . They got to see my heart beat at about 170 beats per minute . Mom and Dad cried . I got my first line on the height chart . I 'm 2 . 4cm tall . Oh , yeah , I 'm 9w0d today . 2nd Doctor Visit - Thursday , March 16 , 2006 Mom and Dad went to the doctor 's again today . The doctor asked a few questions then poked and prodded a bit . Something about wanting to hear my heartbeat . The doc found it immediately with a thing called a doppler . The doctor was happy that my heart was beating strongly and at the right pace for my young age . Mom and Dad were quite relieved to hear it . I overheard them say they 'd be back in two weeks to listen again . I 'll be bigger and stronger then . Oh , yeah , it was my birthday today . I was 11w0d . Mom was so happy to hear my heart beating that she and Dad treated themselves to a shopping spree . Mom bought lots of new clothes for when I make her present ones a bit to tight . : - ) Doctor Appointment - Thursday , March 30 , 2006 We went to the doctor 's office again today . Seemed like a different place , but I overheard Mom & Dad mentioning that our doctor has multiple offices . Someone poked me a bit and I squiggled away , but I could tell by Mom and Dad 's reaction that they heard my heart beating again . 150 - 160 beats per minute the doc said to Dad . Right on course . I 'm 13w0d today and the doc said I 've moved into the second trimester - - whatever that is . Today 's my eldest half - sister birthday . Happy Birthday , Jenn . You , too , Ashley . Dad mentioned yours was on Monday . I can 't wait to meet you both . Vacation - Tuesday , May 02 , 2006 Well , I went on my first vacation this weekend . MomPosted by Well , I am in IT , but not that kind of windows . I 'm talking about real windows . You know , the kind you should be able to see out clearly . Key word there , clearly . Let me explain . Sally and I bought our house a little over five years ago . There were three things Sally really didn 't like about the house : The wall - to - wall carpetThe draperies in the living roomThe draperies in the bedroomWell , we took care of # 1 immediately after the closing . Started in the living room , then the dining room , took a look upstairs and with Sally 's best " can we ? " look we pulled them up from upstairs and the stairwell . I guess that 's what happens when you have beautiful hardwood floors under the old dingy carpet . Anyway , check - off # 1Sally has looked for the last five years for just the right drapes for the living room . We 've gone through two , maybe three sets in the dining room , but she never found anything just right in the living room . Cleaning the drapes , as well as the shears , didn 't help . Well , Thursday Sally found just the right drapes . Yesterday , she , Una and Nana set out for shears and rods . In the infamous words of GW " Mission Accomplished " . So , this morning was ' let 's install the drapes ' morning . Down come the old drapes , shears , and hardware ( in these tough economic times we were thrilled to find out that our old hardware would work just fine ( $ 140 savings ) ) . Now with the drapes and shears down what should appear ? Those crystal clear windows , right ? Well , drop the two adjectives and you 'd be correct . So , while Sally pressed all the drape panels , as well as the shears , and then hemmed the shears with her bright and shiny new sewing machine , I tackled the windows , inside and out . I picked one of the coldest days of the year to open windows for cleaning , but eh , what the heck , I got it done . We 've now got new drapes and shears in the living room , and crystal clear windows , too . Check - off # 2 on the list . Gotta run . Off to see Arlo Guthrie at the Ziterion Theatre in New Bedford . P . S . Do you do windows ? I 'm a little late with this blog , but vacations have a way of putting you behind in lots of things . We had a very nice visit with my Mom and Dad in the Philadelphia area recently . They were there as part of a " Historic America " tour . Sally , Una and I drove down from RI on October 27th . We got to join my folks for a late dinner at Maggiano 's , followed by a rainy windy visit of historic Philadelphia , and then a tour of Valley Forge . We wrapped up our short visit with a relaxing stay at home evening . It was a fun , but too short , visit . We have some great memories to share with Una . Since Sally 's grandmother lives in the area we stopped in for homemade brunch with Grammie and Uncle Ted . Fun time , which included a trip to the Farmer 's Market for some great Lancaster Valley treats ( Sweet Lebanon Bologna . . . mmmmmmm . Oh , and a terrific peach pie ) As I said , a fun time , but too short . I just have to share some photos from Una 's Halloween 2008 . This is the first year she really appreciated Halloween and she had a blast . She did things with Mom ( made costume , carved pumpkin ) during the day , visited friends for a little pre - Halloween party , then it was Trick or Treating in Westport with Nana . Here are just a few pics . We 'll put more up on Picasa later . Enjoy . . . Mommy and I carved a pumpkin . Isn 't my Halloween dress cute , too ? Here I am with my friends . Dadda says we 're all very cute . Nana , me and Mommy ( Lucy ) Trick or Treat in Westport Point , MA Posted by We made our annual run to Barre , MA on Sunday . This is something Sally 's family has been doing for many many years . I 've joined in for the last four ( Una three ) . Barre , MA is where Sally 's great grandparents settled after her great grandfather completed medical school . He and his wife lived the rest of their lives in Barre . He , Merle , was the local doctor , his wife Blanche was an artist . Annually in October we make the hour or so trek northwest to this quaint New England town . We drive by the old homes that Nana recalls fondly ( one is where her father was born ) . We stop in the town center , walk past the WWII memorial pointing out Buppa 's name , snap pictures , and this year let Una run around playing with leaves . It really is a beautiful town square . We grab a copy of The Barre Gazette and the next stop is the cemetery where both of Sally 's great grandparents are buried . We carry on the tradition of leaving shells from Westport at the grave site , as Sally 's great grandparents were summer residents of Westport and enjoyed the beach there . The final stop is the Barre Mill Restaurant for lunch / dinner ( I guess that would be supper to some ) . Three years ago when we did this run , it was Una 's restaurant debut . Sally was recalling how fearful she was that little two - week old Una would disturb the locals . She did fine , as she did last year . Now this year . . . well , if the service hadn 't been slower than molasses perhaps Una would not have lost patience with sitting quietly at the table . Oh , well . I guess some waitresses just aren 't accustomed to serving families with children . Seeing that 80 % of the people entering for the Sunday noon to 4pm specials walked with canes , maybe that 's understandable . After Barre , it time to drive back home , but with one stop . It 's late October and we need pumpkins . Annually we stop at Howe 's Farm in Paxton , MA . This year , after rousing Una for a nap in the car seat ( she tends to like sleeping in the car ) we picked out 72 pounds of pumpkins for Nana and Gramps , as well as for us . They have some of thePosted by We reached another milestone yesterday . Five terrific years . The best ever . Thank you Sally for being my best friend and my wife . You make my life complete . Here 's a little clip of how it all started : On Saturday after a couple of trips to the dump to continue our cleaning of the garage , we wanted to enjoy a nice Fall afternoon outside . Sally had seen listed in a " What 's Going On " section of the paper or online , the fact that there was to be a Colonial Harvest Festival at The Smith Castle in Wickford . Sounded like a great idea , but what the heck is Smith Castle in Wickford . I know Wickford as a quaint little village in North Kingstown . I don 't recall a " castle " there . Hmmm , let 's take a look . We packed up and headed out . Of course , it being about 12 : 30pm Una decided that the car seat was a wonderful place to take a nap . Rather than proceed right to Smith Castle we decided to cruise around Quonset Point . Wow ! What a wonderful job they ( Quonset Development Corporation ) are doing in developing the old Naval Air Station into a fine industrial park . I 've only been to Quonset once and that was to pickup an Admiral arriving at the terminal . We drove around and saw the marina , the beach , golf course , O ' Club , and various companies doing business there . Quonset must be the off - load spot for thousands of Audi and VWs . There were acres and acres of new wrapped autos , and plenty of car carriers waiting to be loaded for delivery of the autos . I was impressed . If you haven 't driven around Quonset it 's worth a couple of hours on a nice afternoon . Enough about Quonset . This is about Smith Castle . We arrived at the signage along Rt 1 and immediately said , " UtOh " as there seemed to quite a few cars . Well , it was just that they had only a small parking lot along Route 1 . The crowd when were were there was not overwhelming which made it kind of nice . What we did see was many docents dressed in period clothing ready to discuss what harvest life in the 1700s was like . We viewed spinners , outdoor cooking , candle making , large manual looms , a blacksmith . Oh , and the guy to the left with all his muskets . The Smith House was fun to stroll through . I know Sally and I will certainly go back for a more detailed tour . We followed - up our visitPosted by On Thursday Sally and I joined her parents to celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary . It 's actually today , but Redlefsen 's ( located in Bristol , RI ) has this great Oktoberfest dinner only on Wednesday and Thursdays in September and October . It really was a traditional Oktoberfest with all the German food , German beers , OOM - PAH PAH Band , and Bavarian Dancers . It was a wonderful evening . Sally and I reminisced about our 2004 trip to The Christmas Markets of Europe which allowed us to visit much of Bavaria and experience this type of evening first hand . The evening was really special . I 've added to my stein collection with a nice Warsteiner " Das Boot " complete with neck lanyard . Thanks Nana and Gramps , we had a great time . If you 've followed this blog recently you probably already know that Sally and I have been on an ancestry kick . We 've started a family site and have now documented over 700 members in our family tree . As I 've navigated through my branch of the tree I 've found some wonderful documents which show when , where and how my maternal grandparents arrived in this country . As a child I knew my grandparents as elderly people who spoke no or only broken English . I was just a kid and they were old and talked differently . My memories include my grandmother always in the kitchen , always with an apron on , and the only word I remember her saying to me was , " mangia " . My grandfather being tall , often sitting in his rocking chair , and his cardigan sweater on . The documentation I have found gives me more of a sense of who they are , but not a picture of how their early lives in this country might have been . Surprisingly , not through my research through Ancestry . com , but rather through my garage cleanup work , I think I have a better view of their lives . On Saturday as I was cleaning the garage I came upon an old , but large portable A / C . I put it at the street with a sign reading , " FREE ( works ) " . It sat there for two days without a nibble . Monday I loaded it into the back of the wagon and off to the Salvation Army I went . " Sorry , we can 't take that , " was the greeting from the SA attendant . Back home with the A / C to sit on the front lawn again . While Sally and I worked outside an elderly man and woman stopped to look at the A / C . Sally hollered that it was theirs if they wanted it . Some discussion ensued ( not in English ) and then they started to carry it off . Now this A / C must weigh at least 75 pounds , is bulky and it 's tough for two to carry . They got about five feet and I could see on the woman 's face this was not going to work . I hurried down the driveway offering to help . She thanked me in a non - verbal way . " So , where are we going ? Where 's the car ? " No car , apartment is a block away . Down the hill we go . The elderly gentleman and I take Posted by This blog is not about " work " as in my employment ( I had previously written " job " , but I am going to talk about my other job , as in the one I have at home . ) Do not get me wrong , I 've been at my employment for over ten years now , and I enjoy the job I have . Each day is its own challenge and I look forward to going to work ( although I will admit I look forward to vacations more ) . But , it is " work " . This past weekend we had an opportunity to do " work " which I 've put off too long . We had our roof replaced last week and we had a nice big dumpster sitting in our driveway . It was 3 / 4 full , but that meant we had a place to dump some stuff from the garage . You know a garage , a place for that 30 years or so of accumulated junk ; a place for high school schoolbooks , hundreds of fantasy sci - fi paperbacks , college schoolbooks ( in languages I could not begin to read - - Greek ) ; and , treasured memories . Oh , and maybe a car ? You think ? Anyway , I jumped into pitching anything not salvageable . What qualifies as not salvageable you might ask ? Unfortunately , some things were not in such great condition thanks to leaving bird seed out in the open in the garage one Winter . Mice just love bird seed it seems , and mice need a home , and mice need materials to make a home from . You know things like paper from books ( particularly paperbacks ) . Things like old running shirts you were saving from back in the day when you use to be thin and run ? ( Yeah , I did that ) . Things like college dorm clothes someone boxed up and had " Dad " look after . When I was done the dumpster was full , and believe it or not , I could actually fit a car in the garage . Go figure ! ! ! I still have a ways to go . . . Jenn , you had alot of stuff . I have found some wonderful treasures which I hope to share in some future blog . For now I 'm just enjoying the memories the treasures I discovered bring me . Oh , and in case you 're wondering what Sally was doing while I went through my junk in the garage , well she found her own " work " , that being to tackle scraping and painting the front door Posted by Sally and I had a wonderful time last Saturday at the 3rd Annual New Bedford Oktoberfest . We were joined by our friends Michele and Tom . While Sally and I had enjoyed the Ft . Taber park previously ( it 's a wonderful place for family picnics or walks ) , we were delighted the Fort 's main doors were open to let patrons inside . The Fort reminded me very much of a miniature Fort Jefferson near Key West . Tom and Michele thought the same thing . The beer from Mayflower , Wachusetts , Nantucket 's Cisco , Newport Storm , and Buzzards Bay were all fantastic . The Pilgrim IPA from Mayflower was my personal favorite for the day . We were there for a couple of hours and saw and heard a couple of bands , and also the terrific " Oompah " band . It was a good time at a great venue and I know Sally and I will be there for the 4th next year . Congrats to the Southcoast Business Alliance for putting on a great event and raising money for a couple of worthwhile causes . After the " fest " we enjoyed a nice meal at Cork in downtown New Bedford . Sally and I enjoy an occasional visit to Cork . Bonus points scored by having friends Michele and Tom join us . It really is nice to see how New Bedford is alive with events such as this . We had the good fortune to recently enjoy a long weekend at " Grammie 's " just outside of Philadelphia . The visit was timed so that we could visit with Jeff , Jen and Emmett ( coming from CO ) , as Jen had a conference to attend in Philly . Nana and Gramps make the trip south as well . In the picture from left to right is Grammie , Gramps , Jen , Jeff ( holding Emmett ) , Sally ( holding Una ) , John , and Nana . It 's difficult for four generations to get together when family can be so spread out . This is actually the first time all nine of us were together . The last time we all got together there were only eight ( Emmett wasn 't born yet ) , and that was nearly two years ago for Una 's Christening . " Grammie " is the last remaining " great " for Una . As we enjoyed face - to - face family interactions , browsing through old pictures , hearing stories of past family members , and even looking at Una 's maternal family tree ( back to the 1600 's ) , it struck me that I am very delinquent in leaving a legacy for my descendants . I have therefore started work on a family website , including a family tree . I 'll be taking baby steps in this endeavor as I 'm aware of some very legitimate privacy concerns . Grammie was nice enough to let me borrow a number of photo albums which I 've begun scanning the photos from . There are quite a few and someday I hope to be able to caption and categorize them . I 'll be doing the same with photos my parents have sent me , as well as old photos I have , and Nana and Gramps have , as well . When I open up the family website to others , I hope other family members will add treasured photos to share . Along with the scanning project Sally and I have begun the process of documenting the family tree . We 've just scratched the surface and already are having alot of fun in our detective work to find our ancestry . In just two days we 've documented 223 family members . It can be quite addicting . I hope you don 't see us on Intervention soon ! I 'm sure we 'll be reaching out to many family members for help in this project . What 's in our tree is often linkPosted by Just thought I 'd share a little bit of Una enjoying her nursery rhymes . Hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed taping it . P . S . I 'm also learning about how to post video . Feeling a bit defeatist and worrying over the health status of our friend Dan , I came across a timely entry on another blog that John turned me on to several weeks back . ( See the blog here at http : / / katesaid . wordpress . com / 2008 / 08 / 27 / time / # comment - 6099 ) The author wrote about a question that her mom had posed to her , essentially asking what would be on a list of things to do if you suddenly learned that you only had weeks to live . Kate 's response was poignant , focusing on expressions of affection and concern for her children and spouse . I agreed with the importance of her ideas , and in my response added an item that would be featured prominently on my own " list " . . . writing out a collection of family recipes for Una . Food plays a central role in our lives , and an especially emotional one for me . I sometimes joke that for us , " food equals love " , but it truly does . I show my love and respect for my husband and daughter by doing my best to create meals for us to enjoy together . Mom and Dad host us for dinner every Sunday , so no matter how hectic our lives get , we have a day to gather and enjoy one another . When someone is born , we cook . When someone dies , we cook . It 's what we know how to do . I will never be a " skinny minnie " - there is just too much to lose ( figuratively and realistically ) in denying myself the pleasure of cooking and sharing with abandon . If I love you , I 'll cook for you . Doesn 't everyone feel that way ? How can you take care of someone if you don 't feed them ? I don 't know , and hope I never know , what a house with a sparkling - clean and oft - empty kitchen feels like . It must be cold . John and I planned a small " feed the patient " get - together for Dan and his family last weekend before he was scheduled to have serious surgery this week . Mom and I made some wonderful things , and I feel comforted knowing I did what I could to help warm the soul ( and the belly ) of a dear friend who is facing his own crisis , even if he was the only person who was able to share the meal with us . I remember my grandfather saying thPosted by A morning at Baker 's Beach : Zero dollarsLunch from Lees : Twenty dollarsA sail through Westport Harbor aboard Ruddy Rye : PricelessWhat a fantastic Saturday I had . While it started off with a huge headache thanks to a bit of over indulgence from Friday night , we managed to hit the beach by 10am . It was an absolutely gorgeous day . Even the life guard mentioned it was a 10 . Una had her usual fun at the beach , although was not interested in getting into the water above ankle depth . She was content climbing on Nana and digging in the sand . After the beach it was time for lunch and a grocery run was in order . More about the grocery run and reason later . I 'm sure you 're not interested in my every hour recap of my weekend life , but I wanted to set the stage for the last half of the day . Plus , you can 't play on the MasterCard theme without providing at least some details of the events . Anyway , Gramps two years ago purchased a small sailboat at the Mass . Maritime Academy 's yearly auction . He was able to launch the boat last year , but because of a failed engine , never really got to sail the boat . This past Fall and Winter , along with this Spring , Gramps has been diligently scraping , painting , re - fiberglassing , and whatever else it took to get the boat shipshape . He also enrolled and completed a sailing class in New Bedford . Gramps has a passion to learn . He never takes a new endeavor lightly . He is now probably more skilled as a sailor than those with many years of experience . He even baffled his sailing instructor ( probably someone half his age ) with his questions and knowledge of sailing terminology . We launched Ruddy Rye about three weeks ago . It was quite an experience as the boat had no motor yet , and the day we launched there was a strong current . ( BTW : the pictures shown here are actually from last year 's launch . ) Regardless , we got the boat docked . Now it was time for Gramps to find the motor that would be necessary if he was ever going to get anyone to sail with him . Two weeks ago he found the motor he wanted and he gotPosted by I was able to get out at lunch yesterday and enjoy a cool Summer day . It felt more like Fall . They even mentioned on the weather yesterday morning about it feeling like Fall . Where the heck did the Summer go ? I know , I know , we 've not even reached the " unofficial " end of Summer with the Labor Day weekend . But , when I pass daily the sign at the high school that classes begin in less than a week , I can 't help but feel Summer is coming to a close . We 've had the good fortune to actually have a really nice Summer . Lots of time at the beach in Westport , work and play in our backyard , Sundays at Nana and Gramps for dinners on the back deck , and drinks on the deck at The Back Eddy . Oh , and who can forget our great vacation to Westport . While the Summer has indeed been great , I 've missed a few things . Not one round of golf , not one cast from the rod , and only a couple of trips on the boat . I 'm not complaining ( well , I 'm complaining about how the boat has run yet again this year ) as time with family and friends have been great . I 've enjoyed tremendously watching Una at a point where she can really enjoy outdoor activities . If you read this blog regularly you already know he just loves the beach . And , she loves anything to do with a playground . Saturday night Sally didn 't sleep well so when Una awoke at 6 : 22am ( yes unfortunately I noted the time when I crawled out of bed ) I got up with her so Sally could sleep . After a couple episodes of " Blues Clues " I thought Una would enjoy a walk . We made it down to the park at the end of Blackstone . We drive by this park often and a few months ago when Una first discovered swings , that was all she 'd say as we passed in the car . I thought she 'd enjoy some time on the swings , but found that she also enjoyed climbing to the top of the " big kids " slide . No little four step slide for Una . Noooo . . . she needed to climb the one that was probably ten steps and a foot over my 6 ' 5 " high head . She climbed with ease , stood at the top ( the most nerve - racking ) and then proceeded to sit and slide down . SPosted by Una and I had the good fortune to have some quality time Sunday morning and we decided to hit the playground ( s ) . Sally had an appointment in the South Side of Providence . Since we were unsure of the length of her appointment , we decided to stay close by so we could swing back and pick her up when done . Thus , Una and I set out on a ride . Two blocks away we both spotted it at the same time . . . From the back seat came , " paygown " . That would be playground to those uninitiated in Una - speak . We passed it , but I made a mental note of where it was as I was sure we 'd end up there . Two blocks later we passed another playground , this one even larger than the first . After cruising by one of my favorite South Providence sites ( City Farm ) we pulled up to the first playground we had passed and I was a little discouraged that the area for small toddlers was sand filled and not the new rubberized material . We had planned to go to breakfast after Sally 's appointment and I didn 't want Una to get too dirty . We walked into the playground nonetheless . We were greeted by a host of empty plastic juice bottles , empty plastic sleeves which formerly held frozen flavored ice , a couple of empty glass bottles . . . oh , and the lovely USED Pamper next to the teeter - totter . I carried Una to the swing and she swung for awhile . As I pushed Una thoughts of a blog raced through my head . I was pleased to see such a nice playground in the inner city , but disgusted by the state of it . I was torn as to how to properly voice my outrage about its state without offending someone . I put the thoughts aside and concentrated on enjoying the time with Una . We finished the swings , headed for the slide ( six feet from the teeter - totter and the lovely used Pamper . ) Una took one slide and I decided it was time to go . We could hit the other playground two blocks away . Una was NOT happy about leaving . Unlike me who focused on the filth , she focused on the fun items in front of her . We arrived at the second playground which was more impressive than the first . Sponsorship signPosted by It 's been awhile since I 've been able to find the time to post . Work has been quite hectic and my normal lunch hour time to write has been lost . I uploaded a few pictures last evening in the hopes that I could at least get something out there today . Sally and I recently took the RIPTA ferry from Providence to Newport . This was an excellent and fun outing that our Office Manager ( Robin ) at work set up as the firm 's Summer Outing . The plan was to take the ferry to Newport , enjoy the day in Newport with the Black Ships Festival ongoing , then ferry back to Providence . The event was planned for a Saturday in July which just happened to be in the midst of a five day heatwave . Knowing Una would not enjoy 8 hours in the stroller in Newport in 90 + weather , we decided that Nana and Gramps would get to enjoy Una for the day and Sally and I would enjoy some alone time . We left Providence about 8 : 30am on a HOT day . Knowing we were going back to Westport to get Una that evening , we left a car overnight in Newport . Once we arrived in Newport we enjoyed hitting a few shops ( contributing to the local economy , of course ) and seeing many of the historic homes in the downtown hill area . ( You 'd think having lived in Newport for many years I 'd know what that district is called , but I don 't . ) Anyway , we wandered around a bit , hit the outdoor Black Ships Festival , enjoyed a Dell 's and then decided to take comfort in the air conditioned car we had left in Newport . While driving around Newport to Ocean Drive we noticed a sign for an auction going on at Fort Adams . We love a good auction so we decided to take a look . Five hours later we left with a backseat full of nautical prints and paintings . Having been in the Navy for 21 + years , I enjoyed seeing all the old nautical memorabilia . The auction was a benefit for the Newport Museum of Yachting and much of the 500 + items were donated by local Newporters or the NY Yacht Club ( Headquartered in Newport ) . They picked an odd day for the auction since it seems that most of the Yachting Museum membePosted by I have been blessed in that I have been able to experience many beautiful and wonderful places in my life . There are far too many to name here . I mention this because I just returned from spending ten glorious days in a rental home in Westport Point , MA . The terrific time I had there reminded me of so many wonderful memories of other places I 've been fortunate enough to visit . From my experiences as a child with my parents and sister to Yosemite , Grand Canyon , Disneyland , etc . , to my living overseas ( Philippines ) while in the Navy , to my cross country drives ( southern and northern routes ) , to my more recent trips to Europe and Russia ( Sally and I were fortunate to take my parents place when they could not travel for a time ) . So many memories of wonderful vacations are flowing through my head right now . And , it 's all because of my most recent vacation experience . Saturday night we were closing in on the end of our vacation . Sally and I enjoyed a quiet glass of wine while overlooking the moonlit Westport harbor . I took out a piece of paper to write down all the memories from the previous 9 days . I had planned to blog as I go , but the time was better spent just enjoying the experience . Not blogging as I went reminds me of early video camera operation . You had your eye to the eyepiece pointed in one direction . You never got to experience what you were filming . While the blog now will probably be less detailed , I got to experience more by not opening up the notebook computer . Here 's the list as it 's scribbled . It 's in no specific order at this point . It was just thoughts that raced through my head as I started the list . Paul Cuffee , T - House , fishing boats , beach , corny , fireworks , Georgia , no TV , Summer breeze , wine / beer cash register , ambulance , books , antique tractor , lobbies , dangerous surf ( lock the door ) , Golden Finch , moon , Handy Hill , bookfaire , rummage sale , outdoor shower , sharing with friends , kite , bubbles , Cinderella / What a Mess , Grover / Eva / William , Jenn With Two Ns , Ashley camping , Marian gifts , crying - - Posted by Gee , where does time go ? I started this blog last Sunday and never got back to it . We had a terrific weekend enjoying time with Nana and Gramps on Saturday , with dinner at the Candlewood . Sally and I got to escape for drinks on The Back Eddy dock . Was a really nice evening for that . Sunday was suppose to be a washout , but we awoke to bright sunshine . Time for a beach run . Sally and Nana get to the beach during the week , so when I was able to join them on the weekend , it was really alot of fun to see Una enjoy playing in the sand and searching for " treasures " . Una 's not done much with the water this year , but I got her to get her toes wet and eventually sit with me with the waves lapping at her . She got a little frightened when a larger wave crashed on her , more so when the wave retreated and she felt the pull as I held onto her . She 's enjoying the water a little bit at a time . Sunday afternoon we decided to take in a little local flavor . Sally had seen that New Bedford ( did I mention we love New Bedford ) was having it 's annual Taste Our SouthCoast . Nana joined Sally , Una , and I for the trek to New Bedford . We enjoyed sampling lots of delicious local foods from various SouthCoast restaurants . We also got entertained by Entrain . They are quite good . I 'd certainly see them again . Una seemed to like the percussion sessions and watching everyone dance . We like to support small less commercialized local activities such Taste Our SouthCoast . It 's not a touristy thing , but rather real neighbors coming together . That 's it for now . Sorry this was so delayed . I 'll work on getting my blogging more timely . Wow ! ! ! Tuesday I 'm working in Warwick , RI and hear an occasional rumble of thunder most of the afternoon . Then about 4 : 30ish I get an email from Sally saying , " Holy Cow ! " and describing the scene at our house . Seems we got pelted with hail . I got home about 5 : 45 ( a full two hours after the storm passed ) and took the picture to the left showing the size of the hail . Yeah , yeah , it 's not softball sized hail like they might have in the Midwest , but this is New England . We don 't get hail like that . I took a few more shots as another " wave " of thunderstorms was approaching . You can see from the picture on the left the eerie colors . Definite thunderstorm approaching ( including more hail ) . This next picture is just an example of the damage the hail did to most of our plants . The hostas in particular did not fair well . The picture to the right show the damage done to our neighbor 's kale . She lost almost all of her lettuce and kale . Needless to say , she was quite disappointed . We 'll have to wait to see how our veggies make out . They look pretty beat up . Such is life " Living in Dabucket " . For weeks now Sally and I have been telling Una that Uncle Jeff , Aunt Jen , and Cousin Emmett would be visiting soon . She 's been excited and practicing her " Jeff " , " Jen " and " Emmie " . While she 's not yet master the Uncle and Aunt part ( sometimes Jeff becomes Aunt Jeff ) , she 's gotten the Emmie to be Emmett with two very distinct syllables . We had a terrific visit with lots of time spent in Westport as Nana and Gramps needed a good dose of their grandson . We enjoyed BBQs on the deck , and some time at the beach . Both Una and Emmett learned from their Mom and Dad , respectively , what a sand crab was . Una refused to touch one . Nana got a special treat when Sally , Jeff and Jen , and myself all decided to enjoy the nice deck at The Back Eddy . It was nice for the four of us to be kidless . I think it was doubly nice that Nana got to enjoy and pamper her two grandchildren . Jeff , Jen , and Emmett left on Wednesday to enjoy some time in Boston and then to Maine for a friends wedding . They returned Sunday to celebrate Father 's Day at our house . Una was quite excited to see her cousin . It was Jeff 's first Father 's Day and Nana and Gramps , of course , joined us for that celebration . Tuesday is Nana and Gramps ' anniversary , as well as Jen 's birthday , so we celebrated those special occasions , as well . I got to do a little Emmett cuddling . I think I still have the good calming vibes as he seemed to enjoy his time with me . Jeff , Jen and Emmett were to leave today ( I had to work ) , but their flight plans were delayed and thus changed . I understand Nana got another shot of " Emmett Time " as everyone was headed to East Ave Cafe for lunch . Yeah , I 'm jealous . It was terrific to have family visit . It 's a shame visits have to be so infrequent . Sally 's a terrific host . I know she fretted over having everything perfect , but rest assured , it all was . Una . . . well I think she thoroughly enjoyed all the extra attention heaped on her , and she enjoyed having another little person around . She seemed to enjoy the " big girl " role , too . We look forward to the nPosted by More about the subject in a bit . We had a really nice weekend kicked off with dinner at Siena on The Hill . It was a thank you dinner from my boss Tom to Sally and I , and Robin and Marvin , for the work we did in opening a new office late last year . Tom 's wife Teresa joined us . It was great to get out for an adult night with friends . Saturday we waited for the rain that was due any minute . You 've probably guessed by that comment , that it never arrived . I did manage to get the lawn cut first thing in the morning . We also visited a day care as we 're looking to get Una in on a part - time basis for the social interaction . She seemed to like the facilities we checked out , as well as the care - takers . We 'll follow - up on that idea this week . Sunday turned out to be a gorgeous day . Since Una made sure we were up early I decided it was time we built that raised garden I 've talked about for 3 years . We also were motivated by the plants we 'd purchased a couple of weeks ago at the Southside Community Land Trust . Since I had purchased the landscape timbers it should just be a matter of measure , cut , and assemble . Sally was kind enough to remind me , " Measure twice , cut once . " So , out comes the nice 10 " compound miter saw ( chop saw ) that my in - laws had purchased for me for my birthday or Father 's Day a couple of years ago . I 'm happy to report , and I know Sally 's thrilled , I still have all ten of my fingers . The cutting was as simple as I had expected it . Once assembled we had a nice 10 ' x 3 ' raised bed . It was time to head to HD for some top soil and some spikes to hold those timbers together . While we were there Sally picked out some nice plants for some planter boxes we had picked up previously . As you can see from the picture to the left , Sally did a fantastic job with the planters . Sally also did her fair share of the hauling of the top soil and the planting . ( did I mention it took two HD trips and 24 bags of topsoil to fill in that raised bed ? ) Speaking of the planting , thanks to our neighbor Mrs . G . we now have an extra tomato plaPosted by
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My husband and I discovered a wonderful Jewish deli place not too far away from us . For the first time ever I had a potato pancake with sour cream and apple sauce on top , and lots of manu items that I can 't quite pronounce or understand . I tried the corned beef with sauerkraut sandwiched between two pieces of Rye bread , and it was delicious ! I 've been trying to eat vegan food these days , but right now I am needing some food comfort to balance out the doggy stress . . . execuses , execuses , right ? As far as the battlefield on the doggy front , things are quickly falling back to normal , which is pretty amazing . There was a total of three " accidents " yesterday , and only one this morning , so the statistics is encouraging . I decided that it 's just too mean to keep Uggie ( yeah a homeless dog named after the movie star , what about it ? ) in the crate during the day , so I put him on the leash and leashed him with me around the house . As difficult as it may sound , it was actually pretty easy . I had him sitting by my feet while I worked on the computer , he didn 't cry like mad this time . The only down side ? He almost chewed through the leash and escaped ! Here 's what I did to train him : we went to the backyard several times throughout the day for Uggie to go to bathroom , and I always praised him when he did good . When I was in the house , he was on the leash . There was a couple of times I had to go out of the house to run errands , so I crate him , but I putted him in the bedroom with Kelly and Alfie , so that he didn 't feel like he was left out . I also left chew toys and a Kang toy stuffed with wet dog food inside the crate for him to play with , and for the most part , he was pretty content . In the afternoon I took each dog seperately for some serious long walks to burn off some energy and get fresh air , then I kept them in the living room til I was able to find time to feed them dinner . After dinner , bathroom break again , a little bit of belly rub for everybody , and it was night time . Uggie went back to the crate , Kelly and Alfie stayed inside the bedroom where Uggie 's crate was , and I was free to do things that I needed to do . This afternoon while I was clipping away plants in the backyard , Alfie and Uggie somehow found a vine from a fern plant , they each got hold of one end of the vine and started playing tug of war . I watched them in amazment for a long time , it was the funniest thing I 've seen ever ! is that I got ANOTHER d g . So far I 've been called " crazy " by every single person I 've ever met , and the ones that didn 't down right call me crazy probably did that behind my back anyw y . My father , who upon hearing that I adopted Alfie , declared that he 's coming to the States to kill me and my two dogs , and when he discovers that I have not only got two but three dogs , he would probably try to kill me twice and then throw my ashes into outer space , but that 's totally k . In fact , I 've been so stressed out living with three dogs in my house while trying to maintain it as a livable enveronment , I am wondering myself why I got the third dog in the first pla e . But , we can get to that lat r . As of now , things are slowly improving , and let 's hope that I won 't jinx myself just by saying t . Saturday after working all day I picked the wild dog up from the shelt r . He was freshly castrated , in fact he still is , and he is extremly dir y . The first night he peed all over my house , while Kelly and Alfie looked at me like I 've lost my mind bringing in an absolutely homeless d g . For the past several days , I 've been trying to house train him , internet is a huge help when it comes to dog training ti s . Some people suggested to leash the dog with the owner everywhere in the house for a few days to keep it on a close watch , others suggested a dog crate , I opted for the crate and have been keeping him in there for short intervals of time from 1 - 2 hours to 3 hours today , and over night as we l . I always thought it 's cruel to crate a dog , but I was desperate and I had other things to do as well besides the feeding , cleaning , and walking all three pe s . Today he only peed once inside our bedroom while he was allowed to roam free , which is a HUGE improveme t . All in all , I have to say , this little guy is pretty sma t . His hair is way too long , they drape down for almost 6 inches , and both of his eyes are completely covered by ha r . Given that he 's about 2 years old , I 'm guessing he 's never been groomed his whole li e . I tried to Posted This is the only small serissa plant I have that 's doing well right now . The rest of them aren 't flowering , perhaps I watered them too much ! It 's mostly white with just a hint of pink ! I did a little bit of shopping for dogs and got Kelly a new bed . My favorite place to buy pet beds is in Ross . Sure it doesn 't come with any fancy brand names and all that , but for $ 15 you get a super comfy bed , throw in another $ 6 for a plush soft baby blanket , and Kelly is in heaven . People who own pets know that dogs have a wide range of emotions . I don 't know about other dogs , but Kelly definitely loves it when I break my bank on her . When I put new clothes on her , something in her stride transforms and she instantly looks confident and happy . Somehow she knows that the new bed is better than the old one , so without me showing her , she jumps into the new bed on her own . I really haven 't bought much for her for a while other than food and treats lately . Come to think of it , I should go back to giving her some " fashion " treats once in a while . . . The forecast said that it would rain throughout the weekend , my husband had the great idea that we should make a fire in our fireplace under rainy weather . It wasn 't so simple to make a fire . We didn 't know how to use our fireplace , and wasn 't sure if it was safe to use it . A few days ago we had a chimney sweeper coming in to clean and inspect it . After we got the ok from the chimney guy , we bought some real firewood and made a fire today . It made quite some strong crackling noise and heated up our living room nicely . I 'd never really made fire in my own house before , so this was again one of those " firsts " that made me incredibly happy ! Well , as you can see , nothing much to show here . This is just a thin strip of land on the side of our house , enclosed by two wooden gates . The previous owners simply used it to store junk and keep their dogs out of sight when they had guests over . As you can see , it 's still a place where used water hose and ladders are stored . Last year when tragedy struck and Bobby died , we buried him under the large lemon tree instead of sending him to a pet cemetery so he could stay close by me , since then I 've been wanting to make this place prettier as a nice resting place for my little dog . I 'm also really taken with the idea of a secret garden , and in many senses , this little space can be sort of a secret garden , considering that it is very well concealed by two inconspicuous wooden gates . If you didn 't know the house well , you 'd never know that it 's there . I know that there 's not much land , but I think back on my apartment living days and I used to think it would be so nice to have just a small balcony to store plants . So now that I live in a somewhat land constricted house , any space is good space . So why is this called phase one ? Because as bare and ugly as this space seems like right now , I 've so far planted an apple tree , a plum tree , a small lime tree , and a purple wreath , which is a climbing plant that produces bountiful little purple flowers all summer long . I can use three words to describe these plants at the moment , they are thin , bare , and leggy . Hopefully this year they will develop some strong roots and grow well . During last Christmas my mother - in - law got me a fantastic gift , a full set of bonsai tools ! I 've since been playing with them here and there . I bought this dwarf pomegranate tree last year hoping that I could use it in one of my fairy gardens , but it never happened . My local nursery sold quite a nice selection of inexpensive but nice bonsai pots , the other day I picked one out and planted the tree in the bonsai pot . I didn 't have the right kind of bonsai soil of course , so fingers crossed that my regular potting soil would work . My first impression was that the pot was a bit too big for the tree , second impression ? Something is wrong with the shape of the tree but I don 't know how to fix it . So far I am just going to let it grow and be happy with the fact that it 's a healthy tree ! Maybe one of these days I will attend a bonsai class and let the instructor figure out what can be changed ! I decided today that this would be my last fairy garden for a while , meanwhile I am on the hunt for pretty miniature trees and miniature garden materials . This particular tree I used is just a Azalea tree . The flowers have a wonderful pink hue , I 'm really hooked ! Posted by My husband bought a new watering hose for me today after my old one broke a couple of days ago . He fixed it up for me so I can go back to watering my fairy gardens . . . you know the saying that it 's the small stuff that makes you happy ? Well , it 's the small stuff that makes you happy ! The first thing in making a fairy garden is to choose a container . Here 's where you can get a little creative and choose pots in any shapes and sizes . The material can be porcelain , terra cotta , cement , metal , or in this case , a wood box with pre - drilled holes ! When selecting plants for the fairy garden , we usually choose a varieties of miniature trees and flowers . It is very important to not mix plants that do well with shades with plants that do well under full sun . Read the labels carefully to select the right kind of plants for your fairy garden ! Remove the miniature tree from its plastic container . In this case , I am using a catline elm in my fairy garden . Loosen up the roots by making a few small cuts with a garden shear around the roots to stimulate new growth . After all the plants are put in place , cover the remaining bare soil area with decorative stones . It 's not only aesthetically pleasing to add small stones to the fairy garden , but it also prevents the soil from running up when you water the container . Don 't worry about soil spilling over onto the plants or that you might miss a tiny small space somewhere around the back , once you water the fairy garden , things will even out and clear up a lot better : ) When you are done watering the container , go ahead and get to the best part of making a fairy garden : adding fairies and miniature accessories to the fairy garden . It seems that once I start gardening , I can 't stop . I replanted my Alice in Wonderland fairy garden last night , replaced baby tears , filled the container all the way to the top with soil , and rearranged some plants . I am getting dangerously close to fill up my whole backyard , but I 'm still making plans to make more , among all the addictions in the world , I think this is one of the best . Today is a good day for a bit of gardening , fairy gardening that is . Over the weekend I bought a small tree called Satsuki Azalea , the tag also calls it " Kazan . " Occasionally I venture out to bonsai nurseries to find cheap young bonsai trees to put in my fairy garden . I really like how it turned out ! If anyone ever wonder what the miniature grass looking plant is , it 's called Irish Moss : ) For Californians , summer is already here ! It 's 84 ˚ in OC today and I went for a bit of flea market shopping . I got a basket handmade in Africa , fresh water pearl necklace , a 1970s printing of Little Women , and a polka dot summer dress ! Maybe it 's time for a picnic and a book in the park ? It seems that with all the dating and romance , once we are married , life just evolves around two things , figuring out what to eat everyday , and busy working so we can put food on the table . I generally love cooking . Chopping up fresh ingredients , reading a new recipe accompanied by a glass of red wine is great , but cleaning up afterward is a entirely different story . If I had to spend an hour grocery shopping , another hour and half to cook , 15 minutes to eat dinner , and another two hours scrubbing pans and polishing the stove , I might as well just spend the rest of night complaining to my husband about the hardship of being a wife . A couple of weeks ago I decided that since I already stopped shopping for clothes indefinitely , if we ate a little less we could afford a cleaning lady , and that 's just what we did . I had several people coming in to give an estimate , one of them didn 't speak English , another one had her shirt wore inside out , and then the last one walked out after hearing just how little we are willing to pay . Finally we found someone who is willing to put up with us , and after half a day of sweat breaking hard work my house is new again . Two days after the cleaning lady left I was stilling discovering the spots that were transformed into a state of cleanliness that I could quickly getting used to , such as the inside of microwave oven and wall spot above the garbage can . The wonderful feeling I felt was close to love , or even better . If I had to make a poor analysis of it , it would be like receiving a two hour massage and getting a bucket of cash at the same time . Apparently , among the many things that a girl needs , nothing compares to having someone that can take a load of real life off of my shoulders even just for a few hours . Now that the stove is clean and the kitchen is rescued from a state of chaos , my home restaurant is open again . Tonight 's dinner ? Japanese hot pot !
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Posted on June 20 , 2016 by Lilly Reply There 's no " pretty " way to write about a birth . Or at least , I 'm not capable of it . Here 's a real , slightly stream of consciousness account of the birth of Lucas Aron . Our second home birth , our second child … the next chapter of our great adventure . After yet another long , uncomfortable , sleepless night , I awoke to Ali climbing over me and creating a nest for herself on what space was left on the couch . It wasn 't until I felt a tap on my shoulder that I was fully awake . I gasped and apologized , realizing I had completely forgotten that it was Father 's Day . I had no gift , no card . No meal prepared . Nada . My poor man . He was so forgiving . He just wanted to spend some time doing things he liked around the house . I said sure … I will try my best to keep up with Ali . A half hour later , we were all sitting on the couch , eating breakfast . We had broken down our dining table to make space for the birthing pool . After Aliana 's early arrival , we made sure to be ready at 36 weeks . The pool was inflated and in place . Our towels were washed and clean . We had our birth box in the baby 's room , all items accounted for . We were all set to meet the baby . But he took his time ! Shortly after breakfast , I thought I felt a contraction . At this point , I had been having contractions for about two weeks . I must have forgotten what Braxton Hicks felt like , because I had been having them for a while and never knew it . For at least a week and a half , I had been having contractions ten minutes apart for two hours . Much like my first labor , I was able to sit quietly to manage them . We would text Michelle , our midwife , just to keep her informed . But the tapered off , each and every time . At this point , I couldn 't believe that I 'd made it to 39 weeks . I had finally accepted that I would go full term . But this contraction felt different . I quickly felt the need to scoot forward to the edge of the couch , then the urge to stand was too great . I walked it off , making sure to take deep breaths while imagining the contraction 's apex and release . We 're on the phone and I have another contraction . She trusts me to tell her if I need her to come right away . I told her I thought I would be ok for a little while longer . She said she 'd prep her things and wait for our call . I called my mother , waking her . I also woke my sister in California , to just let her know the baby was likely to make an appearance that day . Mom didn 't believe me that I had just started labor . She must of thought I was calling her late in the game like last time . I remember telling her quite sternly , " Mom , I just had three contractions in the last fifteen minutes . You need to get up and go ! " I don 't know if the fact that I didn 't take another birthing class helped or hurt me this time . I mean , I remembered what I learned , and I had been reviewing my Bradley workbook over the last few weeks . I used what I remembered , but my labor was advancing too quickly for me to integrate the contractions . I spent some time leaning against the couch . I spent some time leaning on the exercise ball . But they were coming on quickly , and stronger each time . At one point , I just sat on the toilet in hopes that the gravity would help the situation , I had forgotten that it works way too well , though . Andrew had called Michelle to check in , He knocked on the door , I opened it a crack , and heard him ask if I wanted to speak to Michelle . My only response was to slam the door in his face ! I couldn 't count my breaths let alone hold a conversation . Michelle took that as her cue to make her way to our house . Funny ( to me ) detail . I got tired , so I opened the door again , and leaned against it while still sitting . Andrew leaned in to check on me , and placed his toes on mine . I moved my foot , but he just put his back on top of mine . I think this was his way of sympathizing with me , and letting me know he was there for me ( up until this point , I had been laboring on my own while he topped off the air in the pool , and straightened up the bedroom and kitchen ) . As a woman in labor , however , this was the least helpful thing he could have done . I yanked my foot out from under him again while gritting my teeth , " get the eff off of me ! " The next thing I remember , is Michelle coming through the door quietly . Aliana is so excited to see her , she wants to take her upstairs to see her room . Michelle is able to hold her off long enough to check on me and see how things were going . We wait until a contraction subsides and I ask her to check my progress . As soon as she was done I have another contraction , but this one felt wet . I thought my water had broken and I was momentarily excited , but it was only my mucus plug . Slightly disappointing , but Michelle announced that I was 4 cm dilated , but that contraction likely pushed me past 6 . This was happening so fast ! Faith , who I really should just start introducing as my sister , came over . She was incredibly helpful with Ali , and resumed her duty as birth videographer . It was around this time that I felt like I needed to get into the pool . Andrew filled it up , and I quickly got in . I tried to integrate the contractions , but they were so strong , so close together , I felt like I barely got a break in between them . We prepared Aliana as best as we could . We read books , we watched natural birth videos of cats , dogs , horses , and some human births . We talked about how some mommies need to make noises to help their bodies get their baby out . I let her know that I had to make a lot of noises to get her out , and that I might make a lot of noises to get our new baby out . Ali was very excited to watch her baby brother 's birth , but she got really nervous with how much I was vocalizing . She mostly stayed out of the way , preferring to be in the living room watching a movie . She did come into the kitchen to check on me once in a while , and I remember catching a glance of her peeking in flapping her hands . She 's anxious , I thought to myself , but I couldn 't spare much more thought to make sure she was okay . Because I actually got to test for group B strep this time , I found out I was positive , and I opted for antibiotics again . I know this is one detail that conflicts with many others that I know who have chosen to have unmedicated births at home , but with my medical history , I err on the side of caution . I have been very lucky to have a midwife who helps me become informed of the choices I have and supports the decisions I make . It 's one of the reasons why I love her so much . Michelle is not only an amazing birth provider , but she 's also a teacher , counselor , friend , and certainly family . Like my first labor , I wasn 't able to finish the whole dose of antibiotic . I couldn 't quite feel a pressure they way you would think when it 's time to push . I just felt my contractions getting longer and longer , so I began to pull in on my belly as I did with Aliana . I thought I could feel crowning , but then there was a pop ! and the feeling was gone . My water broke ! I don 't know if my bag was actually hanging out or not , but I swear it felt like his head had come out . Though that was disappointing , I knew that he was only so much more closer to coming . The contractions were coming on one after the other . I kept moving , swinging around in the pool , at one point practically hanging out of it with my butt in the air . I seriously could not keep control of myself . I was trying so hard to work with my body , but my body had one mission . I kept trying to control it , but it was telling me to let go , let it do what it needed to do . I wasn 't blocking it , by any means . I wanted to work with it so bad , to be a part of my body as it went through this amazing transformation . But I couldn 't . I was afraid . I didn 't want to be in pain . The thought that kept me going was the little girl in the other room . I did this for you , I can do this for your brother . Don 't fight it , meet it head on . I want to say that I finally reached my breaking point , but I don 't think that 's quite right . Deep down inside , I knew I couldn 't be ' broken , ' but I was also so tired of trying to be in sync with my body . I needed a break , so so badly . Another contraction , another push . I could feel him coming , the burning sensation that comes with crowning . Jesus , it hurt . It burned . Got to get it out to catch a break . Once his head is out , I can breathe , I can take a moment to regain my strength just get it out getitout getitout getitoutgetitoutgetitout . I let all my air out and cry , " It won 't stop ! " This contraction will not end ! It keeps mounting , growing bigger and bigger . Keep pushing keep pushing keep pushing . A deep breath , hold and bear down . I open my eyes and see a flicker of something round in the water below me . I push and reach down to touch his head and suddenly my son is in cradled in my arm . I sit back against the side of the pool and pull him up and out against my chest . " I 've got him ! " His eyes slowly open and close as if he 's waking from a long , peaceful nap . He was totally chill ! Like he hadn 't just journeyed out into the world . We begin to call Ali over and she rushes in . I had to do a double take when I caught sight of her . My baby girl suddenly did not look so little anymore . At that moment , I was so overjoyed with the two greatest gifts I 've ever received . I 'll never forget the moment , when all pain was gone and only joy left in it 's wake . Lucas remained quiet but he was by no means struggling . Though pictures taken in those moments show him to be blue , he was actually quite pink in person . He was just , relaxed ! He passed his apgars with flying colors . Getting the placenta was super easy this time around . I merely looked down into the pool and noticed a bit of a red cloud forming around me . Michelle reached down while I gave a light push and out it came , intact . We took a similar journey from the kitchen to our bedroom , where Lucas and I were cleaned up . It 's 12 : 45 when my parents walk through the door , barely missing it ! Unlike last time , I tore a little and needed two stitches . This boy practically shot out of me , my body didn 't have time to stretch and adapt around him . He was measured and weighed , Andrew held him while mom got me a snack . I 'll never forget the next couple of minutes , where I sat on the edge of my bed next to my midwife in silence , just the two of us , sharing a pupusa . Both of our jobs had been completed ; now , the feast . It was one of the most emotionally and physically satisfying meals I 've ever had . Lucas , I was so scared to be your mom . I didn 't think myself capable of being a " boy mom . " Today , as I stare at your sleeping face , I cannot picture my family looking any different than it does now . You 've taught me so much - patience , excitement , strength . Thank you for choosing us to be your family . We love you so , so very much . When we finally made it to the NICU , I was the only one allowed in the nursery with her . While they hooked her up to the monitors , they took me out to the desk to get my purple bracelet . This wrist band gave Andrew and I 24 hour access to our baby . Only Andrew and I were authorized in her nursery at all times , the only exception was if there was an emergency or if the yellow chain was strung across the door . On Wednesday night , we came back to the nursery after going home to have dinner . It was after visiting hours , and there were some people arguing with the security guard to be let in . We just held our arms up , flashed our wrist bands , and walked past . Pure VIP style - the only exception was this wasn 't a concert or exclusive club . We were heading up to see our precious baby . Anyway , to continue . Aliana was born early but safely , and most importantly healthy that Sunday . Two days later , she finally began to open her eyes more , and start to look around . That morning we made an appointment to see the pediatrician for her to get a complete check up and to get into the system . We thought we were doing what any parents should do when they first have a baby . Now I don 't want to speculate too much about what happened next but , we can 't help but think that this trip to the doctor is what sent her over the edge we didnt even know she may have been tettering on . This is probably the most painful part to our story to recall . So much happened in so little time . It feels like things happened in slow motion ; time was really unnoticeable … it made me realize exactly how much could happen in only 24 hours . Stay tuned for part three … Tangent : Andrew , I really hope that I do not emasculate you with this post . I 'm only trying to record these events elsewhere than my mind . Please forgive me for telling folks you cried . Posted on August 11 , 2011 by Andrew 1 This has been the most relaxing evening I 've seen in quite some time . Aliana has been in sleeping mode all day and appears to have continued this course into the night . She 's still eating , peeing and pooping when necessary but seems to be acting like a 2 1 / 2 month old should . It 's about time I 'd say . She 's been so uncomfortable with what seemed to be a mixture of colic ( gas ) and acid reflux ( heartburn ) resulting in a miserable time for her and everyone around her ( mostly mommy and daddy at 3 : 00AM . After two weeks of some baby - Zantac Ali is visibly doing muuuuch better ! This has really been a treat for us as she is much more pleasant , is smiling like crazy , and is snoozing consistently . Zzzzzzzz … Before we were able to get her on Zantac Ali would spend upwards of 8 - 12 hours a day wide awake which clearly isn 't the norm and probably isn 't even good for a newborn like Ali . It really is a terrible feeling to see your child clearly in pain with no real way to comfort her . Hopefully the worst is over in that dept . Even better news tonight is Ali is currently sleeping in her crib ! All by herself ! I think this is the first time she has been in there for more than 20 minutes , and right now we 're going on an hour ! …… Annnnd I spoke to soon . I hear her making her grunting poop - pushing noises . Guess that means its storytime . Night ! Posted on June 19 , 2011 by admin Reply Mother Theresa For anyone wondering where we have been , we 've been here , at home , wayyy to busy and preoccupied to make a post , lol ; but I 'm here now to give you a quick update post birth story . Today Aliana is one month old and has definitely made herself known to the world . It 's been quite the month , probably the busiest , most stressful month we 've ever had , EVER . We been really high , really low , and really freaked out , but wouldn 't change it for anything . The entire experience has been one to remember and we 're trying to document as much as possible so it will hopefully never be forgotten . We 're trying to prevent the … " Wait , she was once a baby ? She used to be cute and quiet ? When was that ? " Little One
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Just thought I 'd check in with a short post . Miss Floribunda Flair remains at Future Fleet in Roseville for a third day . I dropped in yesterday afternoon to see what they 'd found that needed attention . Interestingly , they didn 't find anything other than what the seller had included on the nice spreadsheet he prepared for me . I 'll add all this work and the current mileage indication to the spreadsheet and I feel like I have a better handle on the condition at this time . Hopefully , the rig will be ready for pick - up sometime tomorrow . I 've been staying in the guest bedroom at the ranch with Lacy and the two kitties ; I 'll feel more comfortable and less of a nuisance when I move back into my house on wheels . My new Smart Car , Petunia , has an appointment for installation of her tow bracket on the 7th of August . I did more research and think I 'm getting a fair estimate for the project . Maybe I could have it done for less , but since this is my first foray into towing a dinghy I 'm happy to pay for the assurance that the electrical components will work properly , etc . Thank you to all who offered advice ; I really appreciate it . One more little ' snag ' is that for this long trip I need to buy enough " Dailies " disposable contact lenses for a year , unless I find a spot where I can have them mailed . In my lifetime I 've been blessed with 20 / 20 vision ; but , of course , I now need correction for accommodation due to ' advanced age ' ( ! ) . I wear only one contact lens for reading , knitting , etc ; but , lately I 've noticed a little blurriness when driving and trying to read street signs , etc . So , this afternoon I went to have my eyes checked to see if there 're any changes since my last exam in December 2012 . At that time they 'd told me there hadn 't been any changes in ten years . Well , this afternoon the doctor found that I 'm developing an astigmatism in my left eye ( the one that doesn 't use a contact lens ) , which is causing a slight hindrance in clarity at a distance . So , tomorrow I 'm going to the optician to be ' fitted ' for a different type of contact lens , one for astigmatism . I need to try it for a few days and then order a supply if it proves beneficial . Because of my affiliation with Kaiser Permanente , it behooves me to get whatever lenses are necessary from them - much less expensive . Bob and Judy have two lovely ponds on their ranch . This one is literally outside the front door ; the second is in one of the pastures ; both are frequented by geese , herons , raccoons , llamas and horses . This upper pond is FULL of gorgeous vegetation , which Bob thins out about three times a year . The koi are huge and actually move the plants around while they 're swimming . there are also large - mouth bass in the lower pond - great fishing for grandchildren ! Here 's Lacy managing all activities in the yard . Lacy is usually NOT a very adventurous canine , on her own . She 's definitely not a loner . But , here she ' asks ' to go out where she monitors the bunnies ' hutch , the llamas and the horses to some extent . These shots were taken after dinner last night . Just dropped off Miss Floribunda ( ? ) at Future Fleet in Roseville . The gentleman I bought her from had put together a nice spreadsheet of what had been done and at what mileage on the odometer . And , he also listed what needed to be looked at and estimates of cost . So , I made an appointment for this morning at 7 ; and , actually got there at about 7 : 10 . We went over my list and they 'll do a complete inspection and let me know what needs to be done NOW , SOON , LATER , MAYBE , NOT NECESSARY ( if there is such a category ) . I posted several questions on my Fleetwood Group website and received lots of information and advice from other members ; so I feel a little more comfortable than if I were trying to do the whole decision making on my own . They drove me back to Bob and Judy 's so now I just wait to hear what the estimates are before I make any concrete decisions . I feel a little more selective as I 'll be traveling in the US and Canada for the foreseeable future ; it 's not like driving through Mexico where I didn 't always feel I could find good mechanical service . I 've packed a backpack with one set of fresh clothes so the Lacy , the kitties and I are ' camping out ' in Bob and Judy 's house for at least until tomorrow - and maybe ' til Wednesday . I 'm still waiting for estimates for the Smart Car tow bar . Hopefully I can get that taken care of this week too . These photos were taken outside of Cusco , Peru in 2010 . I spent almost a month in Peru on a textile tour . Cynthia Le Count Samake of Behind the Scenes Adventures takes small groups ( 6 in this group ) to wonderfully interesting places to learn more about the history and traditions of textiles . I 've gone to India , Peru and Oaxaca , Mexico with her and have thoroughly enjoyed each adventure . Cynthia knew this community of indigenous knitters - the men do most of the knitting - and contacted them to meet us to show us their wares . We arrived at the designated location and watched them hike down the mountainside to meet us . A few of us speak Spanish , but no go here ; these gentlemen speak only a Ketchuan language called Kitchwa ( Quechua in Spanish ) . Fortunately Cynthia has a wonderful friend in Cusco who speaks several of the ' dialects ' of the language group . She accompanied us and we passed about two hours with the men , learning lots about their knitting and culture . Most of these villages and communities of indigenous people barter for goods and services - they do not use money . There are no written patterns for these intricate designs . Children start learning how to spin with a hand spindle at about 4 - 5 years of age . They also learn carding , dying and weaving with a back - strap loom before they 're much more than 6 - 7 . They begin learning how to knit and crochet by sitting alongside an older sibling or parent , watching and mimicking the stitches , patterns and projects . As you see in the photos , they carry the yarn in a pouch that 's located on their side ; the yarn is pulled from the ball and goes around their neck and then down to the piece they 're knitting . The knitting needles are made by hand , using wire with one end hooked to form a quasi crochet hook . For those of you familiar with knitting needle sizes , a size 2 needle is average for knitting a pair of socks ; these needles are somewhere in the neighborhood of 00 - 000 size ! They 're knitting about 15 - 18 stitches per inch ! That 's FINE . A close up of the concentration of these artisans . All three of these men were married and fathers of several children . The buttons used for adornment on their hats , vests and clothing came to them by way of the Spanish Conquest ; over the centuries buttons have been , at times , used for currency . Each artisan develops his / her own pattern designs and rarely do they make exactly the same pattern twice . We spent about three weeks in this area and visited many villages . In some places we actually each chose one artisan to stay with throughout a day of work . I spent several hours with a young woman , her 8 month old baby and her younger sister , whom she was teaching to knit . The women wear very flared skirts ; so when they seat themselves on the ground , the skirt becomes a kind of play area for the baby . Every hour or so , she 'd put down her knitting to ' change ' the baby - no diaper - she changed the hand knit pantaloons for a dry pair ! Her younger sister , about 10 , sat at her side and was working on her own project . From time to time she 'd ask a question or Big Sis would advise her to tear out or make other alterations to her project . There was nary an untoward sounding order or reply . In one village where our Cynthia has spent a lot of time , the ' mayor ' ( called " el presidente " ) and his wife had named one of their daughters after her . When we arrived , our Cynthia was anxious to see how much her namesake had grown since last she 'd seen her . When asked , the mayor explained that it was his 6 - year old daughter 's turn to watch the community herd of llamas and alpacas ; so , he took out his trusty conch shell and ' called ' her . Way up the mountainside we could see a little tee - pee type structure ; at the sound of the horn out of it popped his little daughter , Cynthia . [ She was inside because it was raining - quite hard ] . She waved and he signaled her to come down , which she did , to see her Tia Cynthia . How adorable and how excited she was to see our Cynthia - all six years of her . Children learn and participate in the responsibilities of the extended family from a very early age - a good reminder of how cushy our kids have it ! Yesterday the heat wave continued and I ran the air conditioner with the generator - at least until it turned itself off ! It did so because the gas tank level fell below the level to run the generator . Thank goodness , I knew why it had stopped working so I didn 't have to get stressed about that this time ! However , it was 104 degrees F . ( that 's 400 C ) inside the rig ! I turned the fan on and opened all the windows so the cats wouldn 't die ; while Lacy and I headed into Bob and Judy 's house for a few hours ' til the sun went down . Yesterday , Judy and I went over to my house and lined shelves , vacuumed , scoured bathrooms , cleaned the refrigerator / freezer in the kitchen and the freezer in the garage - I had called two cleaning services multiple times , left messages and got NO response . The renters ( Judy 's daughter and fiancé ) wanted to start moving in ; so [ thank God for Judy ] we got it in an acceptable semblance of order . My gardener , who does the back yard maintenance , went there this morning and gave the whole back and side yards a thorough spiffing up . So , I think the Jennifer and Jason are satisfied that it 's clean and neat . As I 've mentioned , I retired the Summer of 2011 and have essentially been gone ever since ; so things like taking the garage apart and cleaning had to be done . Well , it 's done now . As I was returning to my Smart Car after lunch with Kerry on Thursday , I heard a little " chirp - chirp , " looked up and saw this little guy right over the sidewalk . He just sat there on the rim of the hanging planter chirping away . I had my camera in hand and was able to snap these shots . I 'm not , in any way , knowledgeable about many bird species and I haven 't looked this guy up ; so if anybody knows what he is , please let me know . Today I had lunch in old - town Roseville at Pacific Cafe with my knitting friend , Kerry . I met Kerry and Karen about three years ago in a knitting class . The three of us , and sometimes a fourth , put together a knitting group called " The Stitchin ' Bitches . " We met one , and sometimes two times a week to knit away and talk talk talk . Karen is retired from Sacramento County Social Services and Kerry is a retired school teacher . Kerry and I met today [ Karen didn 't make it ] after not having seen one another for two years - due to my wandering . She and her husband , Jeff , a retired school superintendent , are also RVers . They live in a lovely Roseville home , but pack up several times a year and head out in their 5th wheeler with their beloved Boston Terrier , Murphy . I love my friendship with Kerry ; we can talk solidly for hours on end . Today we weren 't even knitting during our visit . We have lots of interests , including knitting , in common . Conversation subjects today : religion , politics , retirement , activities , books - we exchanged delicious reads . [ Actually we both love audible because it 's a perfect accompaniment to knitting / crocheting ] . We each have varied tastes in reading materials - both of us love history , religion , diverse cultures . . . . we 'll never be able to read as many books as either of us would like ! When I returned to the ranch this afternoon , I made some calls about having a tow - bar installed on " Smarty . " Yikes , Camping World quoted me $ 1500 , which I thought was steep given that I have the Blue Ox RV portion of the apparatus ; and , they can 't schedule the work until the 9th of August - possibly ! I checked a couple of other places and have one calling me back in the morning ; their supplier has the necessary parts but the lady didn 't want to order them until the service manager is in - tomorrow morning . So , think positive thoughts please . Camping World in Rocklin pretty much has one over a barrel . I 'm hoping it can be done for less than they quoted . This news is about a baby - but not the Prince of Cambridge ( whose name , I believe , is George ) . When I got all the scut work completed I came up with time to actually think about more particulars of my upcoming adventure . I 've been planning all along to install a motor scooter - type bike rack with a ramp on the back of Miss Flair . A hassle while we were in Mexico was that I was dependent on others for rides - into towns , to buy groceries , etc . So , I 've been doing a little research and decided to try out a Smart Car . You guessed it ! I bought her this morning ! She 's very cute and I 'm thinking of naming her ' Petunia , ' but that 's not for absolute sure at this time . She just sidled right up to Miss Flair and looks very comfortable . There 's actually a lot of leg space for the driver and passenger - only enough room in back for three or four bags of groceries . She has an ' assisted ' manual transmission , sun roof , air - conditioning , radio and CD and gets great gas mileage . She 's a 2008 model with only 13K miles . Yes , today was the final day of packing , disposing , storing , giving away , etc . The house is empty , save for the things I 've purposefully left for the Jennifer and Jason to use and enjoy while renting my house . I have to admit that I 've decided to have the interior of the house cleaned by my daughter 's cleaning service ; and , I 'm having the gardener who cares for my yard do some extra spiffing up of the yard and walkways . As I 've mentioned before , the house is not big - 1250 square feet with small front and back yards . I 'm exhausted and sick and tired of being sick and tired of this project ! I have told Jennifer that they 're welcome to start moving things in as soon as the cleaning is done - Thursday I hope . She 's moved some clothing in to the bedroom closets and bought new furniture ( interesting bunk beds - a double bed on the lower level and a twin upper - and four drawers built in to the stair system going up to the upper bunk at one end of the piece ) . The boys go to school in So . CA but will be here until the end of August and for school holidays throughout the year ; they are 8 and 12 . Today was the last trip to Goodwill , where the lady actually hugged me and wished me a pleasant trip ; and , hopefully , the last trip to the storage facility for a long time ! Judy and Bob , my hosts here at their ranch , have been wonderfully helpful and have welcomed me as a part of their family . We ' celebrated ' tonight with huge a Shrimp Louie , San Francisco sour dough bread and lots of laughing . I feel blessed to have them for friends . So , this afternoon I came back to Miss Flair and just relaxed in air - conditioned comfort with Lacy , Eleanor and Lincoln . And , I started checking out small towable cars on Craigslist . Tomorrow morning I 'm going to look at a used Smart Car - I 've never driven one ; but , since I 'm really beginning to feel like a full - timer , I think I 'd like to consider a tow vehicle . The one I 'm looking at tomorrow is a 2009 with only 13 , 000 miles on it . We shall see ! Thought I post some beautiful flower arrangements I photographed a few years ago at the DeYoung Museum in Golden Gate Park in San Francisco . The exhibition of floral works of art , mimicking paintings in the museum 's permanent collection . . . . The new DeYoung is truly a piece of eye candy - the architecture and displays are marvelous . . . . This is one of their five llamas ( pronounced ya - mas ) eating leaves from the weeping willow tree at the side of one of the ponds on the property . I took this photo at about 6 : 30AM ; the other llamas seemed to all be lying down - still . If I remember correctly , this is ' Geronimo . ' Judy and I drove over to my house early ; she drove the ranch truck for more loading of Goodwill and storage stuff . We worked very diligently for about four hours , and got almost everything either to storage , the RV , Goodwill or the dumpster ; then we totally wilted because of the heat - only bout 97 degrees while we were working . The house is empty save for some little " stuff " that needs mainly to go in the garbage ; and , it certainly needs to be vacuumed and spiffed up . I am so tired of this project ; all this storage of belongings may be for naught ; if I truly love the RV lifestyle , I 'll never have room for reclaiming the stuff ! I 've even decided I 'm going to gradually whittle down that which I felt I " have to have " in the RV . This is probably the most disenchanted I 've ever been with STUFF . Ugh ! Jennifer and Jason , the renters , started moving some things into the house today ; they 're very excited and I 'm happy to have them there . I think this may be a win - win situation . [ I 've still not received any of the rent owed by the previous renters - I suspect they 've forgotten all about owing it ! ] After moving the furniture and a myriad of boxes Sunday I 've been taking it a little easier the last couple of days . I moved into Miss Flair on Monday and drove her to my great friends , Bob and Judy 's ranch . So , we 're ' living ' in Loomis for the next while . There 're still lots of things to do with the house in Roseville , but staying out here is a real treat . . . . . Judy and I worked together at Kaiser Permanente ; she retired at a much earlier age than me ; then , she went right out and found Bob - they 've been married over a year now . They are like family to me and have been so wonderful during this prep for my upcoming adventure . This is our view up the drive to the house . We all have our privacy and togetherness - when we want it . I didn 't get a shot this morning , but Lacy is busy visiting the five llamas and two beautiful riding horses . Judy has always been a horse fanatic ; lo and behold , she met Bob , who is too ! Bob has lived on the ranch for 20 years or more . When Judy arrived on the scene they began , and have almost completed , lots and lots of building , remodeling , landscaping and beautifying . It is gorgeous . day and evening . Finally , this is the view of the horse barns and my rig from the house . I 'm getting ready to leave to head to Roseville ( about 13 miles ) to continue working on the house . Kari and the triplet girls are going to help today - after we have a nice lunch out somewhere close by . I 'm sitting in my air - conditioned living room resting my tired feet on one of the two sofas I 'm leaving for the renters to use . Other than a few things I 'm leaving for their use , the house is bereft of furniture ; but it sure has a lot of dust motes ! It looks like it hasn 't been vacuumed in two years , but I just did a BIG cleaning about two weeks ago ! Oh well , it 'll be a heck of a lot easier to clean an empty house ! After loading the 17 - foot U - Haul to the gunnels and moving the contents to the storage facility ; when we got back home , David and Jeff just about completely filled it again with furniture , art work / paintings , etc . that David drove to their house in El Dorado Hills . Jeff and Alice loaded up their car with lots of STUFF and Alice will be back down this coming week to commandeer more . Ostensibly , my relatives are ' borrowing ' various and sundry stuff - Hmmm - I 'm not sure I 'll ever see this stuff in a house of mine again ! David will come tomorrow morning , with the U - Haul , so we can return it by 11 : 45 . One thing I hadn 't mentioned in an earlier post was that this morning at 7 : 30 , Kari 's triplets ( Spencer , Tate and Avery - age 13 ) and Jeff 's twins ( Malia and Samantha - age 13 too ! ) competed in their first ever triathlon . So , that 's how we started the moving day . It was held at Rancho Seco . Yup , that 's the old nuclear power plant about 35 miles south - east of Sacramento . . . . . " The plant operated from April 1975 to June 1989 but had a lifetime capacity average of only 39 % ; it was closed by public vote on 7 June 1989 ( despite the fact that its operating license did not expire until 11 October 2008 ) after multiple referendums . " [ wikipedia ] . It 's now the really beautiful Rancho Seco Recreational Area with a lovely lake and a very nice RV park I might get to one day . . . . . Here 's a slide show if you 're interested . . . This is Spencer - our only boy - coming up to the finish line at the end of the event . Great job , Spence . Kari 's cheering on the left and Jeff on the right . Unfortunately , I left my camera bag with back up battery in the car - this battery must be faulty because I 'd charged it last night but it only lasted through about 20 photos . Then , like the technologically challenged person I am , I remembered at the very end of the awards ceremony that I could be using my iPhone ! ! ! DAH ! Another down - sizing and packing Saturday . Today I spent more time stowing things in my RV . I think I 'll ' move in ' tomorrow after the crew - my son , jeff , son - in - law , David and granddaughter 's boyfriend , Landon - moves my furniture and heavy boxes to my storage unit . I met with the renters this afternoon to go over the Rental Agreement in detail ; we 're all set . After tomorrow 's hardest part of the move is finished , I 'll have about 12 days to continue with the down - sizing , stowing , storing , giving away , etc ; and , I 'll give the house a good cleaning so Jennifer , Jason , Joshua and Justin can move into their ' new home . ' I haven 't mentioned , I don 't think , but I 've really enjoyed being home for this couple of months ; I 've finally been meeting my neighbors . When I originally moved in I was still very much participating in the working world and , although my commute was short , my hours were long . So I didn 't really get to know any of my neighbors other than to say ' hi ' and ' how are you ? ' Since I 've been home from my Mexican adventure , I 've thoroughly enjoyed meeting and greeting some of the nicest people - my neighbors . Of course , having Miss Flair sitting in front of the house is cause for friendly banter , as is walking Lacy ; and oh how she loves visiting with everybody on the street . Such interesting things come up since I have the time to chat with people . I 'd noticed a neighbor who lives across the street for some time , even before I left for Mexico . We never had any conversation other than saying , " What a nice dog ! " when we were both out walking our pets . In the last couple of weeks , Kim and I have started having short little blips of conversation ; today I happened to mention this blog and she asked if I 'd give her the name so she can follow my adventures . And , while we were talking she mentioned that she 'd written a book that was published in 2009 . Wow , an author ! I said I 'd love to read it so she gave me a copy ; I know what I 'll be doing this evening . Everybody is interesting . I just have to participate . . . . I 've also met the new owners of the house next door , Marty and Susan , who bought it as an investment property ; they 're there often doing lots of yard work , etc . Then there 's Bobbi , the neighbor two doors away , a widow who moved here a year or so ago from Arizona after her husband passed away ; her kids and their families wanted her to be closer . What a beautiful , and very lovely , lady . I have to say that some of the friendliness I 'm encountering probably has to do with the fact that I 'm more ' present . ' I had a little reminder on my desk at work . . . . . . " When I get all tied up in myself , life becomes a very small package . " How true that was - now my life is a much larger package . Because the moon is such a tiny speck between the redwood and magnolia trees , I took another just to prove that it 's really there . My moon looks a lot like Kevin and Ruth 's in Saskatchewan ! Good night . I did it ! I actually starting work in the garage about 7 : 30 AM this morning - in the cool , cool , cool of the morning . I 've headed out there innumerable times in the last two weeks ; but I can scarcely get started and then it 's too darn hot ! There are several special - interest areas in which only I can sort through , make decisions and piles and save , toss , give away , donate or sell the results . Let 's see , there was my personal clothing , dishes , knick - knacks , art work , furniture , rugs , household equipment ( who really needs five vacuum cleaners ? ) , sporting equipment , books ( I 've already mentioned the number of cookbooks ) , cooking equipment - Cuisinarts , blenders , ice cream makers , slow cookers , fast cookers , baking pans , casserole dishes , pie weights , rolling pins , bowls , spoons , toasters , raclette party cooker , tagine , frying , stewing , boiling pans , Ebelskiver pan , yogurt maker , cherry pitter , coffee pots ( 3 large ) , coffee serving pots ( 3 ) , boxes and boxes of family photo albums and loose photos , etc . You name it - if it 's an interest , a hobby or a need - to - know that I have , I have every conceivable accoutrement imaginable . Once again , it 's all just STUFF ! Today I really laid in to the collections of STUFF previously relegated to the garage and unseen by these two eyes for at least two years . I retired at the end of August , one year and eleven months ago , left for Guatemala a week or so later , and have essentially been ' on the road ' ever since . Not seeing all of it for all that time and I didn 't die or even get sick missing THINGS ! So , the BIG project for today was going through about a million skeins [ balls ] of yarn , partially finished knit and crochet projects , pattern books and knit / crochet magazines , needles ( circular , straight , long , short , single and double - pointed , hooks , special scissors , measuring instruments , row counters . . . . the list goes on . [ I actually learned how to knit and crochet as a small child . I remember carrying crocheted booties projects in my lunchbox to grammar school . We lived on a little ranch and I had several cats who , of course , needed booties and bonnets . I made lots of " interesting " things back in those days ; one project was a pair of knitted argyle socks for my dad . I knitted the first sock in navy blue with pink , white and baby blue in the argyle pattern ; then I got tired of that color scheme so knitted the second sock in light blue with navy blue , pink and white in the argyle pattern ! My retired Army Colonel Dad actually wore those socks - proudly - I think mainly when he mowed the lawn ! ] Kari showed up about an hour ago with Avery , Tate ( girls of the triplets ) , Malia and Samantha ( twins of my son , Jeff ) ; we all loaded Kari 's SUV with donations that we delivered to Goodwill Industries . I feel so much lighter and freer ! Maybe a little like this Blue Morpho Butterfly . . . . . Tomorrow morning - again early - I 'll venture out to the garage again to tackle dining entertainment , cooking and baking equipment . Does anybody need pie or cake pans ? Tablecloths ? Giant glass salad bowls ? 50 - 75 buffet plates and goblets ? Oh , I need another bowl of ice cream ! Today I started on the job of getting through lots of stuff , in the garage , for dispersement . I can 't say it looks clean and neat at this point because that wouldn 't be truthful ; but it does look like I 'm making a dent . And , I have to admit I 'm tired and hot and ready to get this part of the adventure over with ! Also , my energy level goes down so rapidly in the heat ; I 'll bet I drink two gallons of liquids during and afternoon of packing and sorting work . I 'd love to be able to get a couple of hours done in the early AMs but here I am at almost midnight and it 's just starting to cool down enough to turn off the AC in the house to sleep in peace ( and natural air ) - so it 's hard to get up at about 5 when it 's really pleasant outside and I have so much more energy . The new bike rack was delivered UPS - it 's actually a scooter rack with a ramp ; but to attach it to the hitch , I need to remove the RV portion of the Blue Ox dinghy hitch - and I don 't have a key for the lock . I checked with the previous owner and she thinks the key might have gone with their tow vehicle they sold a couple of years ago . This afternoon I dropped by my local locksmith to see if they 'd come to help me out without having to drive the rig to their location . No , they 'd rather work on it there ; so , I 'll batten down the hatches ( put stuff away ) and drive it there tomorrow to have the lock re - keyed so I can then mount the new rack . I bought this rack to accommodate my Schwinn electric bike as it 's too heavy for a regular bike rack . I 'm hoping that the electric bike will be sufficient for a little exercise and going to the grocery store when I 'm parked somewhere for any length of time . We 'll see how it works out . Thursday morning . . . . These last few days have literally flown by . I 've had help with packing and regardless of how much STUFF I 'm giving away to friends , family and Goodwill Industries , etc . , there are still boxes and boxes that are now , or will be going , into the storage unit . My wonderful friend , Judy , was here all day yesterday ; she packed boxes and boxes of breakable things and we delivered about 15 boxes of books , dishes and knick - knacks to the climate - controlled storage unit that 's located about four miles from the house . We were exhausted , hot and maybe a little smelly by the end of the day , but I love her for her enthusiastic help . And , we had several ginger ale and coke breaks ; as well as a nice big hamburger break at Mel 's Diner in Roseville . My daughter , Kari , newly returned from their vacation in Cancún , advises , " Just give away all those cookbooks . You 'll never miss them " I just cannot do that . As I continue publishing this blog I like to gradually jot down self - relavations as they come to me . One I 'll share now is that I read cookbooks i much the same fashion as most people read a good novel . I love recipes and , in some ways feel gratitude , in that I can simply read a recipe and know whether or not I 'd actually like the taste of the dish ! I count that as a developed talent , after having read umpteen trillion recipes and actually cooked / baked up about half umpteen trillion ! My cookbooks , for me , are like that special novel you read thirty years ago and still think about it today . Or maybe it 's the special book that some people like to re - read over and over throughout the years . I don 't very often re - read a novel , but I certainly do cookbooks . Additionally I do love to cook and bake and am forever trying new and interesting concoctions as I wander through those books and the World . Back to the project at hand - moving . Yesterday some of the new kitchen appliances arrived ; they 've hanging out in the garage until the mini - remodel of the kitchen commences later this week , I hope . I 've decided that I 'm going to move into Miss Flair this weekend , it 'll become quite uncomfortable in the house with no cooking / eating utensils and dishes , and very little in the rest of the house too . I have four guys lined up for Sunday , along with a U - Haul truck and a pick - up . They 'll move my bedroom set , dining room set , large entertainment console and the rest of the boxes to the storage facility . Then I 'll have almost two weeks to clean , with the help of a fantastic daughter , daughter - in - law and friend , Judy . Today I 'm here solo , tasked with separating and packing clothing and all my knitting and crocheting inventory and supplies . These are tasks I can 't delegate as I need to make the decisions . I also need to do a few errands , a couple of merchandise returns , renting the truck , having my new bike rack installed on the rig , etc . . . . . . Addison is my granddaughter who recently graduated from Loyola Marymount University this year . she 's currently setting up her first " on - her - own " household in Colorado Springs , Colorado , where she 's begun her contract with " Teach For America " after having received her teaching credential in a whirlwind 6 week course at Arizona State University in Tempe . I 'm so proud of this young woman . I 'm , so far , very happy with the decision to rent my house , buy a new RV and get ready to head out for all the adventures and experiences that are OUT THERE . Each time I go online , my Safari browser flashes some recent headlines from the New York Times . Thought all you full - time RVers might enjoy this article . . . . I 'm taking a moment to start thinking about possible names for " Miss Flair , " the interim name I 've been using . My good and long - time friend , Dee , who I caught up with in Sayulita , Nayarit , Mexico earlier this year , has suggested the name , " Floribunda . " In his email this morning , he said . . . . " Got to do better than ' Miss Flair ' for a name . That 's like naming your cow ' Bossy ' or your dog ' Pal ' . A rig for outrageous travels needs an outrageous name . " I have a couple I particularly like , but I thought I 'd ask for opinions . I 'm also open to more suggestions . I 'd thought of giving a butterfly name - after the name of my blog - but haven 't found one that 's just right . . . Yesterday I started packing in earnest . Quinn and Landon relieved me of a car - load of mostly kitchen and dining room things ; that is , after they treated me to a delicious lunch at The Yard House restaurant . I mainly packed cook books in small boxes ; but they 're still so heavy ! This morning I 've hired a young woman to come and pack for three hours or so - she 'll be carefully packing all my travel mementos from a long travel career ! I 'm hoping that , within this next week , I can whittle down to only the things I 'll be taking with me in my RV . The new range , oven , hood and sink will be delivered Wednesday and the kitchen remodeling will be underway . I 've promised the renters I 'll be completely out by the 26th - whew ! I 'm glad I 've programmed in only a 160 mile jaunt to my son 's house where I 'll park for a few days or so to get used to my new RV lifestyle . Oh , speaking of Miss Flair , when I drove her home from Camping World I left the headlights on when I parked - first learning issue . There 's no warning that the lights haven 't been turned off - so yesterday , no battery , not even a sound when I turned the ignition key ! I waited until this AM to call AAA for a jump - start and they should be here any time now ! I 'm so happy this happened in my own front yard and not in some wilderness area of National Forest ! The next big decision - making and packing or disposing of ' stuff ' will be my knitting and crochet cache , my clothes , and my office stuff . I like to function as electronically as possible ; but , I know there are some paper records I need to have at my disposal ; and , I 'll need a few things to make a little office in the RV . Suggestions for things to take in the RV are welcomed . 10 : 30 AM - AAA showed up in just over 30 minutes and charged the battery . I left the motor running for about 45 minutes as the battery had been completely dead ; then turned it off , waited about a minute and turned it back on - Yippee ! All better ! The little camera and microphone is mounted right in the center back of the rig . The microphone picks up voices telling you to " Stop now ! " and I also noticed yesterday that , while I was on the freeway , I heard a highway patrol siren lots sooner than I normally do ! [ He was just passing ! ] It was $ 649 [ regular price $ 899 ] and $ 89 [ regularly $ 99 ] for installation . Oh , I notice on the invoice , there are a couple of other charges for clamps , protective cover and sealant [ about $ 20 for all ] . Some of the wired units have multiple cameras and the monitor has the ability to have split views . They are very expensive and I 'm sure very nice for some of the really long / big rigs ; but we 're talking 25 feet here ! I retired in August of 2011 and spent a year and a half in Guatemala , studying Spanish and doing volunteer work . In 2013 I packed my Toyota Dolphin and headed to Mexico for several months ; and , upon my return I bought a bigger RV , in which my Standard Poodle , Lacy , and my British Shorthair , Eleanor accompanied me as we took Floribunda Flair around the USA for a year or so . I 'm currently living in Antigua , Guatemala , along with Lacy and Eleanor . I 'm still studying Spanish and am determined to speak it really well - one day ! I also do a lot of volunteer work in healthcare and education .
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A decade ago , if you had asked me what I thought when I heard stories of people " living by faith " , I would have answered that I imagined them sitting hungry at a table and the doorbell ringing and a mysterious box of groceries being left on their doorstep . . . . You know - weird things happening that could only because they are so in tune with God that He truly provides their every need . Since then my husband and I left our jobs to join Campus Crusade for Christ , working in their sports ministry , Athletes in Action . All of a sudden we were " living by faith " and I was totally blown away by how wrong and yet how right my ideas had been ! Let me explain . When you make the decision to " live by faith " you have to trust that God really is as powerful , loving and all - providing as we think He is , and that He is interested in little old me and will actually help me when I need it most . These are things we , as Christians , take for granted . I mean we just assume that God loves us , that He will supply all our needs and that He is truly interested in everything we do . But what happens when you are forced to put your beliefs into practice ? When we first joined Cru ( as its now called ) we started support raising and got a wonderful team around us to support us prayerfully and financially , through monthly standing orders and one off gifts . These people felt led by God to give to us and we are so humbled and amazed when it happened . But this process , finding our team , took a while , and there were plenty of times when we actually were sitting around a table trying to figure out what was being discarded so that we could buy our groceries that week . Once , when we were just on the verge of panicking - I say ' we ' were on the verge but my husband wasn 't worried at all ! ! ! - we went out for a meeting and when we came back there , sitting on our doorstep , was a mysterious box of groceries - with everything that we would have chosen to buy if we 'd been asked for a specific shopping list ! ! I couldn 't believe it ! ! But this wasn 't the only ' mysteriGod really is that good , and He really is that powerful that He can talk to others on your behalf and ask them to help you . And if you listen , He really does use us to help bless others in amazing ways . He really does provide for His children and we can be witnesses to that . But where my thinking was totally wrong was that I assumed that these Christians who were " living by faith " were provided for because they were so in tune with God and walking extra close to Him . This isn 't the case . God is our Father . And while He wants us to be that close to Him that we are truly in tune with His will for our lives and our desires are His desires . . . . He knows we are human and sinners and that we will stray or be distracted on a regular basis . We don 't need to be walking extra close and be extra holy for God to provide our needs . He does it anyway . Even when we are distracted by every day life and finding it hard to read or pray . Even when we are struggling with something in our faith and don 't know where to look . God is our Father . He loves us despite our failings and when we are His children , He will provide us because He loves us . This doesn 't dissolve us of the responsibility to live our lives for Him and to worship Him by drawing close to Him and growing more Christ - like each day , but it is wonderful to know that we have a Father who loves us so much . So my challenge is this - take some time to spend quality time with God and ask Him to help you to hear His still small voice as you go through each day . And when He prompts you to make someone a meal , or take them a gift , or go shopping for something . . . . Take heed and do it because you 'll never understand how much it can not only bless a family , but be a visible reminder of God at work in their lives , just when they need it most . " For I was hungry , and you fed me . I was thirsty , and you gave me a drink . I was a stranger , and you invited me into your home . I was naked , and you gave me clothing . I was sick , and you cared for me . I was in prison , and you visited me . ' " And the King will say , ' I tell you the truth , when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters , you were doing it to me ! ' " So we 're back to relationships , so it 's about time I mentioned the one person who knows me better than anyone else - flaws and all ! ! My husband is my best friend and my soulmate and I truly love him with all my heart . Here 's a wee picture from our wedding 13 years ago : ) We started dating when we were in university and we had a typical relationship - we were going out . . . then not . . . then going out . . . then not . . . You get the picture ! ! ! : ) But when we made the plunge and got married on 14th June 2000 it was one of the happiest days of my life . Even the hairdresser not getting my hair to stay up dampened my day ! ! ( Seriously - she couldn 't get it to stay up and had to keep going for a wee walk to calm down and focus ! ! ) I was marrying the man I had dreamed about spending the rest of my life with . Everything was going to be perfect . But you know as well as I do that marriage is not perfect and it never will be . Marriage is made up of two people who at their base are sinners . Two people who have their own plans , their own personalities and their own flaws . No matter how well the yet on , their will be inevitable conflict and arguments . But that doesn 't mean that it has to be bad . We need to work out how to deal with the conflict and how to work together day after day . My husband and I have rows , conflict and good old fashioned fights ! ! But I love him and respect him as the leader of our house and God has truly blessed us together . We have learned how to deal with any disagreements or conflict that arises and end up more in love than ever ! Apart from our four wonderful boys , God has blessed us with a job that allows us to work together and to share our ministry with the children . My husband is not perfect but he is the perfect man for me . He puts up with my lack of organisation and time management and eats everything I set down in front of him , edible or not ! He never complains about me when we are in public , even though there is plenty he could say . And he even treats me like a princess - with treats like a lovely bubble bath run for me when I came in from a Bible study or putting a cover out in front of an open fire and then taking the boys out for the afternoon so I can read : ) He is also a wonderful man of God and the way he leads our family in God 's Word is so special . And of course I am so blessed to have my husband , and I know I take him for granted far too much . So my challenge to myself and you is this - take some time to really show and tell your other half how much you love them . Find out their love language - it 's worth it - and then fill them up the way THEY need it - not the way you think they need it - trust me there is usually a difference ! ! And if you aren 't married , then take time to celebrate those special people - friends and family - who are in your life . They all have love languages too ! ! Posted by Food glorious food ! ! ! Today I want to talk about food ! ! ! : ) I love food - as evidenced by my need to go on a drastic diet ! ! ! - but much than I love eating , I love making food for others . I mentioned before about my love of having people round for meals and supper and being able to welcome them into my home , but we also love being able to bless people with a meal ministry . This is a photo from Comfy in the Kitchen But what exactly is a meal ministry ? I hadn 't really heard of it before - as a ministry - until I read a wonderful blog by Janelle - Comfy in the Kitchen - and she opened my eyes to the possibilities ! ! A meal ministry is something every single woman can do - making a little extra when you cook or bake and blessing another person or family with it . Simple ! ! What makes it a brilliant ministry to do , especially if you are in a stage of life when you think ' I 'm not doing anything for God ' , is that if you can put together any type of food , you can do this . All it takes is for you to double your ingredients when you cook your dinner , and either give the second meal away or put it in your freezer for when you need it . Excellent examples of when this comes in handy include new mamas and their babies , if anyone is sick , if anyone has been recently bereaved , or if a family is struggling financially . The article here tells you all about Janelle 's top tips for meal ministry and her website gives you plenty of ideas on meals you can make . It really does make a difference . And do have a good read at the website - it explains everything so much better than I can ! So far this year I have made meals for a couple of ladies going through surgeries , a couple of new mamas and a friend who went through a loss . But we have not only been blessed to take part in a meal ministry , we have been totally blessed by receiving meal ministry ! We have had lots of meals arrive at our door at such perfect timing it had to be God 's hand and every time it has been something that our whole family would love . So my challenge today is a pretty obvious one ! ! Take some time to pray and ask God if there is anyone that you could bless with a meal ministry . Trust me when I tell you that you will get as much out of it as you give : ) Posted by Religious freedom . . . . What exactly do you think about when you hear that phrase ? And how often do you actually thank God for it ? That 's our topic today . I must warn you that I am not doing today 's post from a religious and very theological point of view , but from a " stay - at - home - mum " point of view . Wikipedia - that font of knowledge where maybe every other word might be true - defines freedom of religion as " is a principle that supports the freedom of an individual or community , in public or private , to manifest religion or belief in teaching , practice , worship , and observance " . For me it 's the freedom to worship my God in any way I chose , without the state or government interfering . But how often do we actually thank God that we can play worship music in our homes , meet together each Sunday as a body of believers - for the most part in a public building - and hear God 's Word preached , meet other believers in a public restaurant and bow our heads to say grace before we eat , or talk openly about our faith to anyone we meet ? There are so many people that don 't have that freedom . We constantly hear about Christians being persecuted for their faith . In countries like China , North Korea , Burma and Sudan it is dangerous to even mention God . They have to use secret signals to alert others if they think they are being followed , or meet in secret places , turning music up full volume if then want to pray together . My husband has travelled a lot and some of these situations have actually happened to him . It is horrible to think that what we take for granted is something amazing and special to others . One country he worked in allowed foreign nationals to have a church but local people were forbidden from attending . It is truly shocking . But the amazing thing is that some of the people that we have met , who have to endure these circumstances , are some of the most godly people we know . They know sections of the Bible in a way I never will . They pray more than I ever could . They rely so much more on God than I ever have . They are simply amazing . A child - like faith that means more than all the fancy talking theology you 'll ever hear . So my challenge today is two part . Firstly take some time to truly thank God that we live in a country that allows us religious freedom and allows us to worship God freely . And secondly , take some time to read up about some of the amazing people who don 't have this freedom . There are lots of ways to help , support and pray for them , and as it says in Hebrews 13 : 3 - A couple of links are below but this is by no means all there is . So please take some time and actually think about our brothers and sisters in Christ from all over the world . And if you need a reminder , why not take a leaf out of this family 's book - read there story here ! My story begins with a family of five who had a lovely Seat Leon which was a dream to drive and was a lovely gleaming black . Then we cut to the woman looking at a home pregnancy test as her husband looks on and realises they are going to have to invest in a bigger car ! ! Well that 's what happened to us ! I always had wanted four children - there were 6 boys in my husband 's family and 4 girls in mine so a big family was always on the cards - but I was happy with my three boys and was quite content to stop if the doctors advised me to . They didn 't , so it was only a year after number 3 was born that I realised I was pregnant again . ( On a side note - yes I know what does it and yes I have invested in a tv so we 're done now ! ! ) We were delighted to find out there was another one on the way , but then realised all the things that change when you move from 3 to 4 kids - you need more room , you need a bigger car and we needed another cot because number 3 was still using his ! ! Lots of fun ! ! We started looking for a car and went to a company we 'd used before to have a look at what they had to offer . They said they 'd have a look for us . . . and that is where the story gets interesting ! ! They came back to us with the perfect car . A silver seven seater with everything we needed . The only problem was it was WAY out of our price range . We explained to our friend , the car dealer , that we couldn 't afford it and could they look for something else for us . We weren 't terribly hopeful that they 'd find anything as ' perfect ' for our needs , but we left it God 's hands and knew we 'd get something . Thiis is where I struggle . When I want something , I want a certain specific something and most of all I want it right NOW . . . . I have always struggled with leaving God to work out the details and to work miracles when He needs to , even though He has provided for our needs time after time . And when He does supply what we need , while most of the time it exceeds our expectations , sometimes it 's just what we need - mainly because it maybe wasn 't exactly what we needed to ask for in the first place - and I totally struggle with being content with what we get . So this is where I was . . . The car dealer went back to the man selling the silver car and after a conversation with him , asked him if he was ' good living ' . ( For those of you not from our part of the world , he basically asked if the man was a Christian ! ! ) The owner replied that he was and asked why it mattered . Our friend then explained to him our circumstances - that we are missionaries working for God in the world of sports and that we live by faith - and told him that we had loved his car but that it was out of our price range . And this was when the miracle took place . The man listened to our friend and immediately dropped his price to the something that WAS in our price range . . . . and the rest is history ! I couldn 't believe it when we got the phone call telling us that we had got the car ! It truly was a case of God knowing my heart , my struggles with my flaws and the reality of our need , and exceeding our expectations beyond our wildest dreams ! ! So today I am thankful not only for the gift that is our car , but also to the wonderful man of God who listened to the still small voice telling him that we were the people he was to sell his car to , and for him dropping his price accordingly ! ! My challenge for you is this - take some time to think about the big decisions you make in your life . Do you ever think about how they can have an influence on those around you ? His decision had an immense impact on our lives , and 5 years later we still love our silver seven seater ! Posted by Sorry for the delay in the next post - unfortunately life got in my way . . . although I 've had a lovely couple of days with my boys so I 'm not complaining ! ! Today I was planning to talk about my husband , but I think after the great weekend I 've had I should introduce you to my kids instead ! ! I have been blessed to give birth to four wonderful sons . When I say ' give birth to ' and my husband laughs at me because I ended up having four Caesarian Sections , but you know what I mean ! ! ! Men ! ! ! : ) My boys are 11 , 9 , 7 and 5 . They all look totally different - they have four different hair shades ( strawberry blonde , red , brown and blonde - blonde ! ! ) , have different physiques and totally different quirks , but I love each one the same . I have to admit to not believing people when they said that in the past - I mean there must be something that you like in one more than the others , right ? ? - but I just found that having more children increased my ability to love ten - hundred - fold and I love each of them for their own wonderful wee personalities , and even more so because they are my sons . On our holidays : ) We just had a great weekend together . We laughed together as the daily grace saying turned into an echo because they were too hungry to think of anything else to say other than ' Thank you Lord for the food , amen ' ! ! We cried together as we watched something very sad in a film , even though their tears were probably more from mummy shouting ' Be quiet - this is the emotional bit ' all through the movie ! : ) We played at the play park , while we practiced hockey and football skills . We sat down at every meal together and talked about our days - especially enjoying my lovely Sunday roast ! ! But most importantly we worshipped God together and we prayed together as a family . At the end of most evening meals we take some time to sit and read the Bible together . I 'm not suggesting we do this every day of life - we 'd love to but sometimes we forget or we 're in a rush . . . . And we 're definitely not the picture - perfect family you might think when you read this , but we do try to focus our children 's minds on our Saviour and make sure they learn about Him from us as we 'll as church . It 's a very special time and we get them to pray for people we know as well as their friends . It 's especially nice when you are praying for babies to be born when friends are getting near their due dates - there 's something beautiful about their wee voices being lifted up to Him . At the end of prayer time , ready to get into the snacks ! ! So I am so very blessed and so very thankful for the gift of my children . I know that it 's not always the case , and I know of several wonderful ladies who can 't have kids , and if you are in that category then my heart goes out to you so much . I pray that you will know God drawing near to you if you are dealing with that situation . The gift of hospitality Today we 're back to looking at one of the spiritual gifts God blesses us with . This one is very close to my heart - the gift of hospitality . I can 't begin to tell you how any times we have been blessed or have been able to bless others this way ! And it is a gift I was shown from an early age - my mum has to be one of the best at opening her house and inviting people in ! As a family of 6 with four boys who could eat me out of a week 's food in one hour , we don 't often get invited out for a meal . We do get asked , but I can usually turn it around to invite the person to our house - not because I don 't want to go to visit them , but I feel that we are putting them out a lot , or that the extra people in our family make it harder for them to have us . But we do have a couple of wonderful families who insist on having for dinner . These wonderfully godly people have bigger families and know that , when my hubby is away on a ministry trip , it is lovely to get invited for tea and spoilt a little . It has been an incredible blessing to me at times when it can get hard to focus or figure out what to cook again when I don 't feel like eating ! We also have some wonderful couples who insist on having my husband and I for dinner - a rare treat but such a special one . We get to to out with these dear friends and enjoy being adults once again . . . . And the fact that it is with such godly company only makes it sweeter ! But the real joy of this is when we get to invite people into our house . I love the feeling of having people come to see us so we can bless them and spoil them . They get to come and relax and we get to serve them and encourage them . This is one of the important parts of our ministry - partly because it is a great way to involve our children in our ministry , but also because people always talk more openly over food ! We have had some amazingly open and frank conversations over dinner , Sunday lunch or supper , and we have been blessed to be able to share the Gospel with many couples over our wee dining ro1 Peter 4 : 9 , 10 Today I want to look at a different type of gift - a gift that God gives us that helps us to worship Him . I am talking about a creative gift - and don 't ever think you aren 't creative because there are so many different types of creativity it 's unreal ! ! And to start us off this morning I want to look at the gift of music . Photo credit I am very slightly musical . I say very slightly because I USED to be able sing ( in the choir at school ) , and I USED to be able to play the guitar and the piano - both very slightly and both a long long time ago ! ! ! I dont honestly know if I would be able to play anything now , or if you would run away screaming at the sound of my voice . . . But the one thing I do know for definite is that I love music . Music is in my blood and my soul - I lived in the music department at my secondary school during my last 4 years there because I just loved the people and the feeling I got when I helped make some of the most beautiful sounds around . And music is a gift that I know helps me to worship my King . I love being able to free my mind from worry , doubt or anger by just starting to sing one of my favourite worship songs no matter where I am . I love how I can use CDs by those who God has blessed with amazing voices , to focus my thoughts on Him and worship Him more completely . I love being able to lose myself in the words of a great hymn and truly give my soul up to worship . But I also love how we can all get together at a church service , worship practice or a conference , and raise God 's praises through the roof to lift His name higher than any other , and truly unite in Him . Music touches lives and stirs the soul like nothing else . And sometimes , in the midst of sadness or heartache , it can get through our pain when nothing else can . It is so lovely to be able to send someone a song link , just when they need it most - and find that its been perfect for them ! I am so thankful that God has blessed me with the ears to hear , and others with the gift to play . A perfect combination ! And so my challenge to you is this - take some time today to stick on your ipod or CD player , and really listen to some worship songs . If you can play an instrument do - even if you haven 't played in years - or if you can just sing along then do - even if it only shower worthy ! ! God loves to hear us lift His praises and there is nothing better to keep our minds focused on Him . What are your favourite songs ? Praise the Lord , for the Lord is good ; celebrate his lovely name with music . Psalms 135 : 3 One of the things I love most about living where I live is the house I live in ! That may sound strange , but the house we currently own is a dream come true for me . When we first got married 13 years ago we bought a small bungalow , which although I loved it , it wasn 't what I wanted . I had seen a new development of houses being built a few years before , and I fell in love with them ! They were cottage style , in a lovely shade of brick and just perfect for the young family . . . . But it was WAY too expensive and we couldn 't even justify looking at them : ( I was gutted . But we found a wee bungalow to love and we were very happy there . . . until we changed our jobs to work from home and had our first child ! Our lovely wee bungalow all of a sudden turned into a cramped home / office . . . We needed to move ! We put our house on the market , sold it very quickly and then realised that we probably should take a look at what was available for us to move to ! ! We made some appointments and ended up viewing 10 houses in one day . Only one was in the same town as we lived . And you guessed it - it was my dream house ! ! ! We left it to the end because I didn 't want it to influence my views of the others , but it was by far the best . But it was still too dear . We prayed about it for a long time . But couldn 't see how we could afford it . Until a very special person gave us a gift to enable us to put down an offer on it and buy our dream house . A gift that went beyond just money . It went beyond just buying me what I wanted . It went beyond natural to the supernatural . It was answered prayer . It was God - glorifying in the midst of indecision . It was amazing ! ! ! I have lived in my ' dream house ' for over 10 years now and I will never forget the gift that it is . god truly gave my the desires of my heart , and although I know that He does it when it 's the best for us and not because its what we necessarily want , I will always remember it ! Of course now that I have four kids my ' dream house ' looks a little different , but we 're still praying about that one ! ! : ) God can do anything , you know - far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams ! Ephesians 3 : 20 I love the fact that when I look around my life I can see where God has introduced certain people into my path that have been such a blessing and encouragement to me . Two of these people are the subject of my first ' relationship gift ' post . I 'd like you to meet . . . I didn 't grow up in a typical Christian home although I was sent out to a local church to attend GB and Sunday School each week . Neither of my parents were believers until I was 10 years old and my Mum was introduced to Jesus . I had been born in Enniskillen - a lovely town you might be familiar with since it recently hosted the G8 meetings - before moving up nearer to Belfast when I was 7 . When we moved up to Co . Down we moved up to live on a farm , which was amazing ! My Dad was a teacher so he didn 't ' work ' the farm , but we did have dogs , goats and horses , which I loved . I had just about the happiest childhood you could ask for , with my three wonderful sisters , getting on as only sisters can ! ! Yet as soon as Mum came to know Christ as her Saviour , we were all aware that something was missing from our lives . We started to attend a children 's meeting , and very soon each of us girls had given our lives over to God . My Dad took a little longer . . . I remember the day well - I was up at university ( in Belfast ) and was getting ready to go to class ( yep , I did go sometimes ! ! ) when I got a phone call from him telling me he had finally made the decision and given control of his life over to God . I could hardly breathe - only that morning a group of us had held an early morning prayer meeting and prayed for him ( and some others ) ! ! I am so thankful that God chose to give me these two as parents . They are such a wonderful example of godliness in action - and even now I can sit quite happily at Mum 's kitchen table and discuss different Bible passages and ask for pray without a thought . It is a very special thing when you have Christian parents and I know how amazingly blessed I am to have them both living practically on my doorstep . My challenge today is this - you may not have Christian parents , but there will have been someone in your life who took on the role of being a spiritual mother or father to you . Think about who that is , and not only take time to thank God for them , but take the time to let them know how special theyShine ♥ The gifts we receive from our Heavenly Father take many forms . We have spiritual gifts , relationships , physical gifts and those life giving and life completing gifts that we take for granted every single day . I want to look at all of these as so often we just focus on one section - so you 'll get a real mixture of pictures this month - some which may appear very ' spiritual ' and some that will just be ' pretty ' ! ! : ) But today - day 2 of our series - I 'm going to start with the one spiritual gift that He gave us which changed everything - salvation and eternal life through the gift of His Son . I still can 't get my head around how much God loves me - even though I am a parent and I understand how much I love my sons , I couldn 't imagine ever having to make kind of sacrifice for them . Photo credit But He did . He gave us Jesus through the amazing virgin birth . He let Him grow up to truly understand every emotion we go through and every feeling we have . He let Him experience temptation , happiness , sadness , joy . . . He let Him experience pain , betrayal , all that life had to offer . . . . Until He also experienced death . But even more than all of that - He let His own and only Son experience what it felt like to be punished for every bad thought and action I have ever done and ever will do in my whole entire life . . . . He let Jesus take my punishment . When there was no need for Him to experience any of that . He was perfect . He is perfect . But He bled and died for me . It is so humbling that my God loves me that much that His Son was willing to die for me . And yet even after all of that I still fail Him and still sin . But that 's not the end of the story and I thank God that despite dying for me and being buried , my Saviour rose again victorious and lives forever with His Father . . . With my Father . . . With my God . I can 't wait to get to heaven and experience being in their presence knowing how much was done for me . The greatest gift I was ever given was the gift of an eternity to be spent on the presence of my Lord . Not because I did anything to deserve it - because trust me I never will - but because He loves me so much that He gave me the one thing He had to give - His Son . WOW - what amazing grace ! ! And now we have to take it and pass it on - tell everyone we know - not just because if they don 't accept Christ 's sacrifice they will end up somewhere terrible , but because God loves them just as much as He loves me ! It 's an amazing gift - and He is offering it freely to everyone . Why do we keep it ourselves ? ? My challenge today - for myself and for you - is to really pray about sharing this amazing gift with someone . We have been given the best gift ever - and we need to pass it on . Who will you tell today ? " God saved you by his grace when you believed . And you can 't take credit for this ; it is a gift from God . Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done , so none of us can boast about it . " Welcome back to Shine ! ! ! ! This month we will be looking at grace - and being thankful for the amazing grace that we find in our lives every day . But what is grace ? Grace has been defined as " the love and mercy given to us by God because God desires us to have it , not because of anything we have done to earn it " . It is understood to be a spontaneous gift from God to man - " generous , free and totally unexpected and undeserved " . Now we all know about the grace that God gave us when He sent Jesus to die for our sins - the gift of eternal life and sins forgiven not because of anything we did but because of His great love for us . But how good are we at noticing the everyday gifts of grace that God bestows on us as we go through our busy lives ? This month I want to challenge us to be thankful and notice those things we take for granted and those gifts we are given even though we 've done nothing to deserve them . I hope to post a series of pictures as I work at being much more thankful for some of the things I take for granted but which I know God has given us , and I hope it will inspire you to take a look at your life and do the same . The more we notice God 's grace and His abundant gifts to us and are truly thankful for them , the more we will shine for Him and show His love to those around us . So remember to keep shining . . . .
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I went to the temple last week . It was dark when I left . I snapped a few . I will always be a " learning photographer . " I love to see the temple . I headed North last week to visit the Ranger as he had to work seven in a row . He pumped fuel for me at Common Cents in the cold and dark of night . He took me to eat Chinese . I do favor the Walnut Coconut Shrimp . Or is it Coconut Walnut ? We played Wii . I thought I would whip him at Millionaire , but we were Even Steven . So much for haughtiness . I accompanied the Ranger to work . Between five engine house tours and lunch , I corrected a lot of papers : math , science tests , comprehension papers , and so on . We went out with all the other rangers to an establishment called The Pie Dump . The salmon was wonderful . I sat next to my husband , of course , during dinner . However , seated on my left was a Lovely German Man who tells funny stories and laughs at my jokes . His wife is amazing . Whenever I spend time with National Park Rangers , I always feel like I 'm with some of the best people who ever walked the Earth . About the engine house . . . there 's this cat that lives with the Jupiter and the 119 and she is known by many names . The rangers adopted her from the Humane Society to keep the mice down . She came to them with a collar and a little bell . They sometimes call her Belle . I always call her Belle . She deserves to be called Belle . Belle is just as friendly and welcoming to any and all visitors as if she were wearing the green , the gray , and a proper flat hat . She has no problem walking right through twenty - three pairs of human feet . Belle is just happy to have Permanent Status with the Federal Government and she does her job well ! I love how she owns the place . No one else gets away with walking a fine line from one end of the locomotive to the other , tail held high , brushing along the underside of things the whole way - - precision footwork . Belle has no problem plopping her bottom down right on top of a greasy spot on the floor . She has a special napping place in the office . It 's on a shelf above the desk . It 's by the window and lined with cardboard ( maybe to absorb the grease from her wanderings ? ) . Belle is black and portly and queen - like . She lets you know when she 'd like to enter and exit . She 's not half bad at being a watch dog either . Last year , a rattlesnake entered the building and nobody noticed except Belle . She immediately sought higher ground and the rangers couldn 't figure out why she had climbed so far up . They watched where she watched and that 's when they noticed the visitor . Belle had sounded the alarm ! I 'll end with a darling photo of a darling girl known as K . K is standing in front of a bulletin board in my classroom where her brother once stood as I photographed him . She popped in the other day to say " hi . " She 's almost seventeen and driving . She is beautiful . She still smiles a lot . She couldn 't believe I recognized her and remembered her name . I remember the names of every single person in her family . She couldn 't believe I still have the purple ribbon ( hanging on said bulletin board ) which she presented to me back in 2005 . It 's a ribbon she personally won for barrel racing at the rodeo . She wrote on the back of it " Best Teacher . " I 've treasured it ever since . Her family loves rodeo . It was so GOOD to see her and know that she 's turning out well . That visit meant a lot to me . I 've known her since she was in kindergarten . In fact , I remember what she was wearing when I met her . It was a Cowgirl outfit with silver on the belt and fringe and a Cowgirl hat , and boots too . She was the cutest little thing . That picture of her brother I mentioned . . . I still have it . It 's actually framed . I pull it out and look at it every year on 23 January . That 's the day he died . I didn 't even think about it when I snapped her picture the other day , but she stood in the same spot her brother stood when I took his picture . I just wanted her to stand near the purple ribbon . Oh , the irony . And speaking of irony , when K was in my class , another student died ! I really worried a LOT about K because from her perspective , I was probably really looking like The Bad Luck Teacher ! She was in kindergarten when her brother died , and then she was in fifth grade when her classmate died . Poor K was probably thinking , " Who 's next ? " Thank goodness for the district 's crisis counseling team . When they arrived , I told them right away that I was most concerned about her . And now she 's seventeen . Full of hugs for me , happy and smiling . I could have chatted longer , but time didn 't allow it . The tree planted in honor of her brother stands out in front of the school . I look at it often . I remember . I remember they buried him with the big belt buckle he had won for riding a bull . He loved to play Steal the Flag . It 's so great when students come back to say hello . So great . Got a little email today inviting me to Purebloggers . com or some such other . They said someone " liked " my blog and therefore , I got invited ( yeah , and I have a swimming pool in Arizona I 'd like to sell to you ) . I 'm pretty sure they invite everyone , but per chance if you happen to know more about Purebloggers , you could explain a bit more because at the moment , " I 'm not interested . " Never heard of ' em . * I will not like watching TV . I will play and hang out with friends and family outside . I will explore things like plants and mountains and caves . * Nothing . I will always love monster high dolls . I will also always love bike rides . I love skate boards and motorcycles and I always will . I will always love Justin Bieber , dancing , and singing . I will always love Katy Perry , Adele , and drawing . I will always love what I do now . And here 's something else from a journal entry about Valentine 's Day . The girl wrote that her dad gave her mom a Valentine card with a picture of a squirrel on it . The message read , " Alas , My Love , I am a nut ! For your very cute butt ! " I 'm pretty sure the parents would die if they knew their fifth grader recorded this in her journal . " Really ? " ( That 's all I said on the outside , but if you had been there , you would have seen my eyebrows arch up to the heavens with surprise because A ) we have never had any chats about a Talent Show and B ) I wrote actual lesson plans which I assumed the sub would follow . . . but , oh well and C ) I could only imagine what all might have gone on during this impromptu performance session ) . Are you getting this mental image ? Teacher is gone , student sings Jesus Take the Wheel a capella , substitute is pleased as punch . . . I 've been laughing all night ! " I 'm a nut " rhymes with " cute butt . " Motorcycles , Justin Bieber , and dancing . . . Tip # 1 : Grab a roster on your way in . It has the gymnast 's names , levels , team names , and everything . Somehow I missed this . And so did the two women who were taking my money . I told them in my native English that this was " my very first gymnastics meet ever . " I asked them , " What do I do ? Where do I go ? From where shall I watch ? Anything else I need to know about attending a gymnastics meet ? " One stamped my hand with the word GYMNASTICS as the other collected the money and NEITHER mentioned a word about some roster . Hello . . . I just TOLD you it was " my first gymnastics meet ever ! " Tip # 2 : Gymnastics meets NEVER ( as in . . . never ) begin on time . Oh . After they stamped my hand and took my money , they DID bother to mention that the meet wasn 't actually going to start for another forty - five minutes . As in , it would be starting forty - five minutes late . Oh . So I walked to a store I had never before entered ( a big day of firsts , I tell you ) and browsed , but did not spend . Then I walked over to the library and immediately found a book that my library didn 't have , so I checked it out . Then I returned to the meet . After I got friendly with the couple sitting next to me , they supposed the meet wouldn 't be starting for another forty - five minutes . Really . That gave me plenty of time to borrow the roster and read everything on it . I discovered that not only was I going to be watching one of my current students , but a former student was competing on another team as well . Bonus ! Tip # 3 : Guard your seat with your life . Yes , the one you 're currently sitting in . Don 't even act like you might move or stand up or stretch because then you 'll have about seventeen people asking in chorus , " Are you leaving ? " No , I 'm not leaving . The meet hasn 't even started yet . Tip # 6 : Be IMPRESSED ! Every time some girl I 've never met before sprang off the board onto the lower bar and then STOOD ON TOP OF IT and hurled herself to the higher bar , I would get butterflies in my tummy . Every stinking time . Back flips on the beam - - oh man ! I know it sounds like I 've never watched the Olympics ( I have ) , but those girls were amazing . The floor routines were spectacular . I ended up staying long enough to witness my little pip squeak student do two vaults . I watched her whole team vault . I learned that my girl is a Level 8 and that Level 10 is Olympic Level . Wow ! I saw some girls run the length of the gym and simply vault over while that really nice man explained that they are scored on straight arms and stuff like that . Then he told me that because my girl was a Level 8 , she 's required to do some special tricks and flips before she goes over and sticks her landing . Very impressive ! She 's only eleven years old . I wish I could have stayed for the whole meet , but I didn 't realize it was a 4 - 5 hour block of time . The couple I was sitting next to said that they spend all those hours at a meet but they only really see their daughter " perform " for a grand total of 4 minutes . I 'm always impressed by these devoted parents that help their children succeed in their chosen activities , no matter what . I had to leave . K requested lasagna Saturday night so of coure , that 's what I made . On Sunday , I had a presidency meeting and when I got back , the eggs were on the griddle and the pancakes and strawberries were waiting ! Such a lovely Valentine Brunch . On Monday , we met for dinner at Tucci 's and I loved the pine nuts in my farafalle . K loved his canneloni ( sp ? ) . And here we are at the end of Valentine 's Day . Some of my students went all out on their Valentine Boxes - - I love seeing those . One girl had a heart braid in the back of her hair . I 'll tell you , there are some incredible mothers out there who do so many things with and for their children . Our room mothers came through with three really fun games and big pink sugar cookies from Shirley 's Bakery . Thank you so much , Mothers ! It was an interesting week with my students - - I feel like I should do a " Week in Review ! " Can 't imagine it would be so interesting to some of my readers ( who are you ? don 't be shy ) , but I 'm going to record a few recent happenings anyway . On Monday , school started and we promptly headed to a computer lab to type persuasive essays . I left our classroom dark and locked . Everyone was quietly pecking away when in burst one of our students who exclaimed in an overly loud voice , " My dog slept in this morning ! Sorry I 'm late . " Maybe you had to be there , but a few of us tried to keep our laughter to a quiet chuckle . On Tuesday , a student had a run - in with a bully from another grade . He didn 't know his name or which class he belonged to , so he was advised by an administrator to look for the kid during lunch and recess , in order to point him out to a duty guard . Getting bullied is not funny at all , but my teacher heart totally noticed when my student used the word perpetrator . We celebrate great vocabulary and word choice . On Wednesday , I was checking planners . A child had completed the math homework , but not the spelling . When I asked , this child reported , " I couldn 't get my spelling done because I had therapy last night and I ended up behaving in a really rude manner which ended in a big fight with my sister . " Oh , okay . The excuses this century are getting better and better : my dog slept in , I had therapy last night . On Thursday , a parent called to let me know her daughter 's period had started . I love this family so much as I have taught some of this girl 's older siblings as well , but still , I 'm not sure I need to know certain things . But hey , if it makes them feel better to know that I know , then okay , I 'm fine with it too , I guess . And today was Friday . It seemed as if all H - E - Double Hockey Sticks broke out today . A perfectly well - behaved boy disassembled a red ink pen whilst attending class in another teacher 's room , spilling ink on the desk and chair . Sure enough , we 've got the " morphing - into - sixth - graders " thing going on . Another highly respectable boy chose to say the following in front of other classmates , though his comment was not directed at anyone in particular , " Hey , Butt Crack , Junior ! " Butt Crack Junior ? I 'd rather not hear that in my classroom . One girl didn 't have a yellow science packet on her desk and couldn 't find her pencil and , and , and . . . she just sort of crumbled into tears saying , " I guess I 'm just really TIRED today . " I think we ALL were ! Somewhere in the middle of all these messes , we managed to change mixed numbers to improper fractions and improper fractions to mixed numbers . We tutored our first grade buddies in reading . We read the newspaper . We learned about erosion , Pangaea , and the 1964 earthquake in Alaska that was the longest ever recorded ( five full minutes , folks , five full minutes ) . My class earned ten minutes of extra recess for their success in our month - long readathon . We watched CNN Student News . We sang " Be a Builder " to build up self - esteem . We went to the library to check out books about our American Heroes . We wrote . We spelled . We recycled . We painted . Have I ever mentioned how painting with thirty - four youngsters takes years off my life ? We talked about VALUE , an art concept they 've already been exposed to thanks to Mrs . P . However , we related VALue to VALentine 's Day because " We Value Our Friends . " You know , it all goes back to being a Builder . They had a good time mixing colors and playing around with the whole concept of Value . I love hearts and couldn 't resist snapping a few pictures for the ol ' blog . Other things were going on as well ! On Monday , our whole team had to present in front of the School Community Council . According to the scores on our presentation , we 'll be earning a few bonus dollars . No pressure there . The team before us went late . We kept ours to thirty minutes , but of course , it went past contract time . On Tuesday I had a hair appointment . Just a trim . Nothing improved . On Wednesday , I had a technology class after school . Makes for a late night . Learned some new things . Actually assisted others who knew even less than I . Imagine ! On Thursday , I had another class - - literature . Met the author of CANDY BOMBER , a nonfiction book about generous Americans during World War II . Loved it . When I got home , some ladies came over for a training meeting . Another long night . Today is Friday and after school a parent came in to talk to me . Together , we resolved an issue . She left and I sanitized my desk with Clorox Wipes . I came home for another training meeting with even more Church Ladies . I 'm pretty sure I 'm done training people for a while . There were some interesting things to read about : finding lots of money on the floor at Wal - Mart , going to Disneyland , winning the Pig Race at the Corn Festival , intercepting that pass - - these kids are truly lucky . But then I read this one paper that put things into perspective for me . I don 't have it with me to quote exactly , but here 's the gist of it : Weekends start on Friday afternoons , right ? I stayed at school until 5 : 40 p . m . to finish my thirty - fifth and final parent / teacher conference as well as complete many assignments and make some attempt to prepare for Monday . I finally left with a stack of math tests to correct . Boy , I know how to PARTY ! I arrived home around six and proceeded to whip up a treat for Craft and Sewing Night . Do I craft ? No . Do I sew ? No . However , when The Park Ranger has a tour of duty , I do what I can to keep myself from sobbing in the dark . Besides , if I never bothered to go to Craft and Sewing Night , how on EARTH would I ever get my pants hemmed ? W . does it FOR me ! I can certainly muster up a little treat now and then in exchange for hemmed pants . Who was the first guest to arrive at seven ? Yep . It was me . The one who doesn 't sew . I set the treats down , whipped out my pants saying , " Dark brown this time , " and grabbed the bright pink pen for correcting . Hey , I can correct math and socialize at the same time - - it 's not like I was reading essays . Other women began to arrive . In pajamas , as the invitation indicated . I do not partake in pajama outings , but I am not opposed to those that do . I really didn 't have time to change anyway . Listening to the ladies chat taught me a few things about myself . Something whispered , " You 're a stranger here . " I wondered how and when these women were gifted with desires to decorate and create things with fabric . I racked my brain . Is it because we rent ? Is it because I work full time outside of the home ? More than full time , mind you . Is it because I care too much about my students ? Is it because of the way I was raised ? Is it because I was the only person there that did not carry the honored title of Mother ? They all knocked on the door with sewing machines and sergers in hand , ready to get their craft on . I admired them aloud commenting that I couldn 't believe everyone had a sewing machine . Some volunteered , " This was my mom 's . " " This belonged to my grandmother . " Really . My mom and my grandma hunted moose in Alaska . I don 't recall seeing any sewing machines . I left without fanfare to have my nightly phone call with The Ranger . I told him I felt like such an outcast ( not due to the way I was treated , mind you , those ladies are all darling ) . So entirely UN - domestic ! The Ranger said , " Then don 't go to those things ! ! ! " There 's male problem - solving for ya . I woke up on Saturday morning and stepped on the scale . I decided I had better get to the temple , though I 'm not sure those two things relate . I love going to the temple ! I had the opportunity to do sealings and that was just what I needed . A reminder . I saw a couple of people there that I know - - ALWAYS happens . The Ranger can 't get over it . It was a sunny day , so I went to the car wash . Such a great feeling - - why don 't I do that more often ? I pulled into the self - serve vacuum area and realized it was a " skirt - alert " kind of day . As I was trying to hold my skirt down with one hand and manage the power vacuum with the other , sometimes accidentally allowing the vacuum to suck my skirt up into it , I was approached by a cold , starving college student who works for Techna - Glass , or some such entity . He asked how I was . I replied , " The wind is blowing my skirt up ! " He didn 't skip a beat , " Mind if I take a look at your windshield ? " I had no issue with that and as it turns out , he couldn 't find anything that needed repair . Once I got myself back in the car with my skirt properly situated , I headed for the grocery store and gas station . I bought all the supplies for making homemade pizza because The Ranger and I had a plan . I unloaded the groceries and then headed to a baby shower . The shower was , in a word , Magnificent . Throngs of people ! Magazine - worthy decorating ! Designer cupcakes ! The mother - to - be and her husband are expecting identical twin girls . They will adopt them just as soon as they are born . Matching baby quilts in The Chosen Colors . Matching twin carseats . I 'm not particularly close to this new mother - - just a casual acquaintance . I knew several of the women there . People are so kind and friendly and tolerant of me . I started to feel that same feeling , " You 're a stranger here . " I knew enough people to chat and visit and say hi . I can make small talk with anyone . However , once again , I felt like an outcast . So , I hung around . I made the rounds . I told myself to remember that I fully understand I will never be a mother here on Earth and to get a grip . I kept thinking , " If I 'm not going to learn all the ' normal ' things that most women learn by being mothers , what else , or how else , will I learn ? ? " You know , I wouldn 't suggest asking yourself questions like that . So then I settled on this : I am honestly and truly happy for people that get to / got to have children . I don 't mind going to Church on Mother 's Day at all . God has blessed me with some kind of amazing Peace so that most of the time , I 'm pretty okay with His Plan . There . That 's better . It was time to leave the shower . I thought I should say something to the Guest of Honor . I asked her about the framed sonogram . We made a little small talk . I had a real smile on my face - - no kidding . I was totally fine again . And then this amazing thing happened . She threw her arms around me and whispered something in my ear to let me know she understood . She was aware of me . We both became slightly teary - eyed and I said , " It 's okay . I went to the temple this morning and was reminded of The Blessings . " And just like that , I didn 't feel like such a stranger any longer . Who knew that the Mother - to - Be would be The One to help the Mother - to - Never - Be ? Amazing . I went home . It was so sunny outside , but I felt exhausted . I hadn 't read the newspaper yet , so I crawled into bed with the front page in my hands and didn 't know another thing until four hours had passed . I guess I was pretty tired . When I woke up , I felt bad about not making it back to my classroom on my day off ( so much to do ! ) . And then I remembered The Ranger would be home in TWO HOURS and that thought alone motivated me to get moving ! I hustled . I bustled . I tidied up . I made chili . I kissed him like I missed him when he walked through the door . And how I missed him ! I miss him every second . Sunday morning was perfect . I was assigned to teach the lesson in Relief Society entitled , " Something Better . " Now doesn 't that have a ring to it ? I put my finishing touches on it and tuned in to Music and the Spoken Word . The Ranger woke up and we talked for awhile . I took off for Church early to set up for my lesson . The Ranger walked over a bit later . I was assigned to attend a different meeting during Sunday School , so I actually didn 't see The Ranger ( or get to sit next to him ) until Sacrament Meeting . Guess who decided to bear his testimony ? A pleasant surprise . Love him . After church , we made pizza . I created chicken alfredo on homemade crust with spinach , mushrooms , and tomato . The Ranger favored Pillsbury with traditional red sauce , lots of meat , along with a few vegetables he actually eats : mushroom , green pepper , and black olive . We taste - tested one another 's pizza , but in the end , we each voted for our own . When he tucked me in that night , he thanked me for a really great day . I 'm pretty sure he loves me , but all I would have to do is leave a box of Velveeta out on the counter for him to get all gushy and start talking about a great day . Today is Monday . I got up early and went to school . I taught like crazy and said goodbye to my students feeling like I hadn 't accomplished nearly enough . Our team made a presentation to the School Community Council to show them what we are doing to be the best we can be . It went late . I raced out the door and called The Ranger to find out our rendezvous spot this week . I was told to head East on I - 80 , etc . , etc . We had a lovely dinner together , talked in my car for awhile , and kissed goodbye again .
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Posted on November 17 , 2016 by Gene Twaronite 2 It was November 1990 , back when I lived in Providence . A short , offhand blurb on page four of the local paper for which I wrote quietly announced that Kurt Vonnegut would be in town to address Brown University students at Alumnae Hall . " Check to see if any tickets remain , " said the article . Say what ? ! ? In exactly twenty - fours , one of the major writers of the twentieth century and my all - time hero was scheduled to appear at my very door . My chances of getting a ticket now were about as slim as finding a rent - controlled apartment in Trump Tower . Nonetheless , I ran like a bad rumor over to Brown - only to be told that all 600 tickets had been handed out a week ago , two tickets per Brown ID . It was shaping up to be blue Monday , indeed . Raising my head slowly out of a bowl of soggy corn flakes in which I was trying to drown myself , I looked at her and laughed . " Yeah , right . With hundreds of bigwig journalists there , from George Wills and Mark Patinkin to Hunter Thompson and , who knows , maybe Tom Wolfe , do you really think they 're going to let me in there ? Don 't be absurd . " I did not . So I called the Brown News Bureau and introduced myself . " Hello , my name is Gene Twaronite and I write for The East Side Monthly . I 've been assigned to write an article on the Vonnegut lecture . I was wondering if … " " A press conference has been scheduled for three , " she said . " Just show your press card at the door . There will also be a section reserved for the media at tonight 's lecture . " Shortly before three , I was allowed to enter and ushered into the inner sanctum - a small side room of the Maddock Alumni Center . Furtively I looked around , still expecting someone to challenge my credentials . But the expected horde of media hounds had so far failed to materialize . There wasn 't even a podium or microphone in sight . Just a few dozen folding chairs set in front of an overstuffed pink chair in a corner near the window . Journalists started trickling into the room , though none of them were from the NY Times or Newsweek . There were eighteen of us in all , many from student newspapers . Tom Wolfe was nowhere to be seen . Expecting to get no closer than 500 feet , I had brought with me a 300 mm telephoto lens for my camera , which I hoped would also certify me as a bona fide journalist . I had also equipped myself with a crisp new first edition of Vonnegut 's latest novel Hocus Pocus . One never knows . Suddenly , he appeared . Wearing a dark grey suit , tie , and V - neck sweater , he strode gracefully into the room like a wise , beloved professor and quietly took his seat . Then , as if addressing old friends , he began to talk in a soft , reassuring voice . Then he launched into his opening remarks about the deplorable state of the country today and how " we are miserably led . " As he warmed to his subject , the pace and intensity of his words picked up . He described the choice of Dan Quayle for vice - president as " a terrible insult to the American people . " Sitting back and crossing his legs , he reminded me of a less flamboyant Mark Twain . His hollow , slightly vacant eyes - eyes that had seen too much yet never enough of this crazy world - stared back at us with a mixture of mirth and madness , inviting us to join the party . " Life is fooling around . " Swallowing hard , I finally summoned the courage to ask my own question . " In your novel Galapagos , you raised the point that our brains may be too big for our own good . Do you … ? " For a few more minutes , Vonnegut bantered with the media . He came to lecture , he told us , usually at the invitation of students , not faculty . He doubted if anyone from the English Department would be in attendance that night . To hear him tell it , he was a virtual nobody in the academic world . ( This despite the fact that a seminar on his works was held by the Modern Language Association at its annual international convention back in 1975 , where he was compared to such world class authors as Nabokov , Swift , and Twain . It was not the first or the last of such seminars ) He was almost home free , but I nabbed him just in time . " Mr . Vonnegut , " I asked in a timid voice . " This may seem tacky , but … would you mind signing my book ? " That evening , having been told that press seats would be limited , I arrived at Alumnae Hall forty - five minutes early . I needn 't have worried . The first three rows on the left had been reserved for me and my fellow journalists . Being the first one there , I sat down in my privileged seat as the hall quickly filled to capacity and overflowed to the balcony and much of the floor . I was especially interested in hearing what Vonnegut had to say about how to be a writer . This time , there was a podium and even a blackboard . Right on time , he stepped up to the microphone and began to address the crowd with the same unpretentious grace as that afternoon . Finally , he got around to the topic I 'd been waiting for , though I really didn 't expect he 'd have much to say . In his diverse collection of essays and stories , Wampeters , Foma & Grandfalloons , he wrote that " you can 't teach people to write well . Writing well is something God lets you do or declines to let you do . ( This from an avowed atheist . ) Posted on May 21 , 2016 by Gene Twaronite Reply Growing up - still an ongoing process - I don 't recall anyone ever telling me how or when to play or whether I was playing too much . My parents encouraged me to read and to get good grades , of course , but I was a nerdy kid who would have done so anyway . Play was just something I did , as natural as breathing or falling on my face . One time , I played with a shovel and dug for hours in the bare soil behind the shed . As the hole got deeper and my head vanished beneath the surface , I became a paleontologist searching for dinosaur bones . Why not ? They could be down there , I thought , waiting for me to discover them . All I had to do was dig . Maybe I would reach the other end of the world . Just imagine - a tunnel through the earth . Then I found it . It was a birdlike skull and backbone of some strange creature . It had to be a dinosaur . The fact that it didn 't appear to be fossilized and came out of the earth so readily didn 't matter . Part of the game , you see , was to believe . For a few minutes , I reveled in the joy of discovery . Gone was my dream of a new dinosaur or reaching China . Shaking his head , he helped me climb out of the hole . It was not the first time his son had done something stupid . Then he pointed to the hole . " Now get it filled before supper ! " It was a long afternoon . Filling the hole was nowhere near as much fun as digging it . It did teach me a lesson , though . Finding dinosaur bones in your backyard is not that easy . I remember something else as well . The fact that I had dug a deep and potentially dangerous hole that I could have fallen into didn 't seem to bother my dad . He didn 't stick around to help or watch over me . You dug it , you fill it . It does seem that since the 1950 's , the period when I at least started to grow up , kids have far less time for unsupervised play , especially outdoors . Increasingly they are protected from dangers , real or imagined , and prodded to take on more organized activities or to study harder . They certainly wouldn 't be allowed to dig a deep hole in the backyard . " When does a kid ever get to sit in the yard with a stick anymore ? " asked George Carlin . Speaking of sticks , Jonathan Winters was known to improvise with any object handed to him . On the Late Show , Jack Paar once gave Winters a stick and off he went , pretending to be everything from a fisherman to a lion tamer . Which brings me to my own stick adventures . One day , after my third grade geography class , I couldn 't wait to get home so I could reenact the lesson . It was about a remote native tribe in Brazil , New Guinea , or somewhere , and how they fashioned spears , bows , and arrows out of branches in the jungle to kill the animals they ate or to protect themselves from other tribes . It was a glorious time to be a kid . You didn 't run home after school to watch TV . Many families still didn 't have one , and both the television sets and program selections were dismal . So you ended up creating your own entertainment from whatever popped into your head . I gathered my gang of friends . There were two or three of us boys , accompanied by the minister 's daughters who lived across the street . Since it was my idea , I got to set the stage , followed by the inevitable squabbling over who gets to play what . We were already into costume . Shorts and no shirts for boys , shorts and blouses for girls . We fashioned our weapons out of whatever sticks we could find . One girl made a bow , with some featherless arrows that never went anywhere . Most of us simply made spears . I had a ready - made one , the shaft of a toy wooden golf club , from which I had removed the head . Sharpening our lethal weapons , we set off into our neighborhood jungle . After terrorizing some neighbors ' dogs and killing scores of imaginary beasts and tribal foes , we were about to set off into the next yard when a towering , fearsome giant appeared , blocking our path . Scared out of our wits , we froze in our tracks . Actually , it was my buddy Mike 's dad , who at six foot three did seem like a giant to us . Proud of his physique , he was shirtless as usual . With muscled arms folded across his hairy chest , he glowered with menace . " What the heck are you guys doing ? Do you want to kill someone ? " At that point , he grabbed my little golf spear and pointed at its well - sharpened tip . " Look at that . You could put someone 's eye out with that . " Then he broke it across his knee , and did likewise with the other weapons . Game over . He had no right to do that , I thought . But I was not about to argue with him . Had to admit , it was not the wisest thing for us to be doing , and he was just redirecting our play into safer channels . Most of the time , however , there was little playtime supervision . I adored kindergarten . I remember sprawling out on the floor and playing with blocks with my pal Steve , building tall structures perpetually in danger of falling on our heads . Besides the traditional - sized blocks , there were also these polished timbers , sort of like 2 x 6 's , with which we made long tunnels snaking across the room . Then we would crawl through them , exploring the dark passages we had made . Our teacher , bless her heart , pretty much left us alone . I can 't imagine a kindergarten teacher today ever allowing students to engage in such hazardous construction . In the same kindergarten room , there was also a full - size dollhouse that you could walk through and play , well , whatever . There were never any boys in there besides me . It wasn 't that boys weren 't allowed . But I was intrigued . A whole house where you could go inside and play . I can 't remember exactly what we played , but I do recall the girls and I had some lovely parties . It was the same when I briefly took up playing with dolls . I watched girls as they cuddled and cared for their dolls . Could I be missing something ? I had to find out . So for a while , I had my own baby doll , doing all the things you 're supposed to do . I never tried breast - feeding , however . There were limits . I still saw myself as a boy trying out something new . No one ever told me I couldn 't , except for my Uncle Johnnie , who took me fishing once and warned me against the dangers of playing with dolls . The fact that none of the other boys in the neighborhood played with dolls didn 't bother me . However , my friend Tommy 's dad - a real he - man kind of guy - sternly informed me that my dolls and I were no longer welcome in his backyard . Guess he didn 't want me infecting his sons . The interesting thing about this episode is my discovery that there were other kinds of dolls besides infant ones . Once , playing dolls with my two girl cousins , I noticed one of the dolls had a decidedly different look about it . She had a shapely figure , with breasts ! She wore high heels and a tight - fitting dress , and underneath it was a bra and girdle . Playing with this doll made me all warm and weird inside . From that day foreword , my doll - playing days were over . I had discovered sex . As a young kid growing up in a strict Catholic family , I could only imagine sex , of course . There was only one kind of play that was forbidden to me , and that was to play with myself . You 'd burn in hell if you touched yourself down there . And to play with other kids in that way was unthinkable . But kids always find a way . They play doctor , for instance . I remember getting my first doctor set at Christmas . My first patients were the minister 's daughters across the street . I put on my stethoscope and called the first girl into my office . Her name was Barbara . She was in my class , and every day I walked her home from school . We had a thing for each other , but there was never anything physical . We were too shy to even hold hands . But that day , she did something unexpected . She took off her blouse , baring her naked chest for examination . I took one look and nearly fainted . Then , sputtering an excuse , I grabbed my doctor set and ran home . It took me many years before I could look at a girl 's bare chest again . When not playing dolls or doctor , I played with toy guns . Six - guns , derringers , rifles , shotguns - I loved them all , especially my tommy gun . You pulled back its bolt and it made a high decibel rat - tat - tat that was music to my ears and drove everyone crazy . I 'd run from room to room , firing off my gun and mowing down imaginary enemies until some relative would yell , " Get outta here , you 're driving me crazy ! " Growing up on westerns and war movies , guns were always part of my childhood . Later , there were BB and pellet guns , with which I shot starlings and other unfortunate creatures . For a brief time , I even played with real guns , plinking at tin cans in the woods , until I outgrew them . All through my teens , I loved to take long solitary hikes , imagining myself a mountain man . I would pack a knapsack and strap on a fearsome - looking hunting knife , trekking down my suburban street as if setting off for the wilderness . In those days , while you weren 't allowed to walk down the street with a real gun on your hip , no one gave a second thought to a kid packing a Bowie knife in plain view . Numerous studies have pointed to the importance of play in childhood . Kids will always play , though in new and different ways . In the future , they won 't need sticks or toy guns anymore , when they can just touch the screen on a computer and make whatever 3D - printed object they desire . They won 't need dolls , when they can act out their fantasies with realistic robots of any age or sex . They won 't need an imagination when they can step into a virtual reality holodeck and set the controls for whatever place and time period they wish to visit . It 's a good thing those things weren 't around when I was growing up . I never would have come out . Posted on May 6 , 2016 by Gene Twaronite 2 Is the universe infinite , or do you come to a big wall with a sign that reads " End of the Road ? " What is the nature of time , and can you get overtime ? Is there life after death , and whatever happened to this one ? What is truth , and how do I get some ? These are the questions I love to ask , which explains why I don 't get invited to a lot of cocktail parties . I mean , you can 't go up to someone you 've just met and blurt out , " Why do we exist ? " Social etiquette requires that you at least lead up to such questions with " So how do you like this weather ? " or " What have you done with your face ? " ( OK , this last one may not be appropriate , but aren 't you dying to know ? ) Being a geek , I especially enjoy the big science questions . What is consciousness , for example , and how do I know that I have it ? Yes , I have this brain and all those neurons and stuff , but how does that translate into an awareness that someone is staring at my breasts or unzipped fly ? Or what makes us human ? We know that other animals also use tools , language , and recognize themselves in mirrors . We share 99 % of the same genome as a chimpanzee . So what makes us so special ? Personally , I think it 's our ability to use credit . Is there more than one universe ? Just when I think I 've got a handle on how vast our universe is , some physicists propose that we might actually live in a multiverse . There could be all kinds of universes - here , there , everywhere - constantly popping into being through something called " eternal chaotic inflation , " which sounds like a perpetual string of gas attacks . There could be zillions of different universes . Maybe there 's one where I have an exact twin , only he 's rich and famous , with six - pack abs , and can recite all the words to the song " Louie Louie . " Or there 's one where you can always get what you want . Ever since childhood , I 've been fascinated by questions about existence . I wake up and look in the mirror and see this face staring back at me , like some freak of nature . An assemblage of genes , bones , and tissues , I know that I am the unique result of a union between egg and sperm and millions of years of evolution . My thoughts identify with this thing in the mirror . Yet all of a sudden it seems odd to me that I should be here at all . What a twisted series of events it had to be that brought forth a ridiculous creature like me . The animal books I read as a kid didn 't help . I 'm not talking about Peter Rabbit or Winnie - the - Pooh . I 'm talking about actual animals . Certain pictures terrified me . I remember a photo of a stuffed fruit bat that scared me silly . It seemed to leer back at me from the page . The more books I read , the worse it got . Pangolins , platypuses , star - nosed moles , giraffes , okapis , giant isopods , aye ayes , blob fish , naked mole rats , narwhals , and rhinoceri - they all seemed too bizarre to be real . How could such creatures possibly exist in the same world I inhabit ? Nature must be insane . Indeed , why should I or anything exist at all ? To not exist sounds much easier . It certainly takes less energy . Some days , merely existing is all I can manage . Some say there 's a reason for existence . We 're here to praise God , Allah , or Whatever . We 're here because a divine force willed the universe into being . We 're here because of the Big Bang . We 're here out of pure luck that matter and anti - matter didn 't cancel each other out at the beginning of time . We 're here because the economy needs more consumers . Of course , it could be all an illusion . How do you really know you exist ? Maybe we 're all just part of a story endlessly played out in some computer game . Though it may seem real to you , you may be nothing more than a made up character . René Descartes famously declared , " I think , therefore I am . " But just because you think you exist doesn 't necessarily make it so . And what 's so great about existing ? True , there are many advantages . Existence can be rather nice , if you can afford it . But you also have to go out and kill something to eat , get a job , reproduce , fight traffic jams , and pay taxes , unless you 're a rhino , in which case someone will take your horns instead . The worst part is , it all comes to an end . It doesn 't matter whether you 're a mushroom , redwood tree , sea slug , gorilla , or frazzled commuter , the result is always the same . One day you 're here , the next day you 're not . There is no escape clause and no returns allowed . Even stars and galaxies die in the course of their vast cosmic lifetimes . At least your atoms will still be around . Who knows where they might end up someday - perhaps in a whale or an eagle , or some wholly new life form . Wouldn 't that be something ? No matter how useless your life may seem at times , it 's nice to know your atoms will serve a constructive purpose in the future . Sure , I could discover there 's royalty in my Lithuanian DNA - perhaps a duke or a duchess - or a brave knight who fell at the Battle of … wherever . More likely , however , I 'll find some distant cousin who died face down on the bar floor after winning a Krupnikas - drinking contest . Perhaps a serial goat rapist or ax murderer , or some nutcase beheaded for questioning the birth certificate of King Mindaugas , the first ( and only ) crowned king of Lithuania . For one thing , I share almost 99 percent of my DNA with chimps and bonobos , and over 98 percent with gorillas . Though most of these relatives still live in Africa , I did meet one of them a few years back at the Bronx Zoo in New York . I was strolling through their Congo Gorilla Forest exhibit , when all of a sudden there he was - a full grown , male western lowland gorilla . He was leaning against a tree stump , gazing off into space with a forlorn expression . Stepping closer to the glass separating us - which protects them from our human respiratory diseases - I paused to look into his face . He looked back at me in a way I will never forget . For one profound moment , there was some sort of connection between us . In that great face , I saw not a gorilla , but a personable presence , someone I could relate to . I have no idea what went on in his mind . Perhaps it was : " Why aren 't you in here instead of me ? " I 've never been able to look at a gorilla in captivity since . Don 't think I could handle seeing one of my relatives locked up that way , despite all the arguments for conservation and education made by zoos . Supposedly , we humans are more advanced , with our superior big brains and all . The way things are going lately , though , sometimes I feel it is our species that should be locked up . Met another African relative - though not in the flesh - back in 2007 . She , or what was left of her , was on display at the Houston Museum of Natural Science . Lucy her name was . That 's what the scientists who found her fossilized bones named them , after the then popular Beatle song Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds . She lived over 3 million years ago , in what is now called Ethiopia . Though belonging to a different genus - Australopithecus - she was a fellow hominid . Next to her precious bones , the museum showed a life size model of what she might have looked like . She was much shorter than me - only three - and - a - half feet tall - with a pelvis that was all female . Her face was only a reconstructed one , but again I had that strange feeling of connectedness across the eons , that she and I were still part of the same family tree . Perhaps it was just my imagination , but she reminded me a little of my great Aunt Lavinia . Her eyes seemed to say : " We are all African . " For that is indeed where our human line branched off from other animals . Together with gorillas , bonobos , and chimpanzees , we share much of the same DNA , along with the same common ancestor . Turns out I have oodles of relatives , all over the planet . Many of them are fellow primates . Though not as close as African apes , my orangutan relations over in Borneo and Sumatra share almost 97 percent of my DNA . Not far behind are monkeys , at 93 percent . Whether I 'm looking into an orangutan 's face or a monkey 's , it 's hard not to see the resemblance , though some of them might take this as an insult . There 's even a fish , known as the zebra fish or zebra danio , with whom I share 85 percent of my DNA . A popular aquarium fish as well as research subject , this little freshwater minnow 's ancestors originated on the Indian Subcontinent . Dogs , by comparison , share only 84 % , which just goes to show that you can 't always tell who your relatives are just by looking at them . Admittedly , some of my relatives are farther removed . For example , I share only about 60 percent of my DNA with a banana , and try as I might , I just can 't see any resemblance there . With roundworms , it 's only 21 percent , though I suspect some families share a much larger percentage . Of course , even though we may share significant percentages of our genetic material , key differences remain in how our genes are sequenced , which does explain why most members of my family gallery don 't look like mice or fish ( except for Uncle Vinnie ) . We don 't even know what many of our genes do . Within the human genome , we still possess many genes inherited from our evolutionary past that are not used because they no longer serve any useful purpose . So it 's important not to read too much into the fact that we share some of our genes with a banana . But the mere fact that these mutually inherited genes are there reveals a more important truth . We are all related - humans , apes , mice , fish , bananas , roundworms , bacteria - all life on earth . It 's right there in the fingerprints of our DNA . According to a study published in the journal Nature , evolutionary geneticists have traced this material back 3 . 8 billion years to what is called LUCA ( last universal common ancestor ) . This remote ancestor may have resembled the strange organisms that still exist on earth within hot volcanic vents found deep under the oceans . Talk about long distant relatives . But from that ancient trunk would eventually spread the branches of our tree of life . It 's all in the family . So , with any luck , I should be around for at least another 10 . 7 years as long as I don 't do something stupid , like wingsuit flying or free soloing . I 've also got good genes , since both my parents lived into their 90 's . So stick it , OECD ! Forget that Robert Browning claptrap : " Grow old along with me ! / The best is yet to be . " While all signs indicate that I am certainly not growing younger , damned if I 'll sit back and wait for decrepitude to overtake me . Acquiescence is just not my thing . As for the supposedly greater wisdom that comes with age , I 'd much prefer the libido and strength of my twenties . We are bombarded with advice on how to accept our limitations and age gracefully . A recent CNN article ( " The secrets to aging gracefully " ) says I shouldn 't hide behind makeup ( which I don 't , though on some guys it looks great ) and that I should ditch the spa ( never tried one , unless having egg on my face counts as a facial ) . People who age gracefully , it says , " exude confidence . " All I can manage is a little false hope before breakfast . They are also " up on the latest trends , " which means my Led Zeppelin t - shirts are out . As far as not being afraid to embrace my grays , how about silver ? When it comes to aging , I think the pundits have it all wrong . " Gracefully " sounds too accepting , like Fred Astaire or Ginger Rogers dancing off into the sunset . No one 's ever compared me to Fred ( Ginger maybe , but not Fred ) . I 'll just muddle along like always , making up the dance as I go along , tripping over my feet as I forget where I 'm going . One thing I do know . I 'm going to age as awkwardly as I 've lived , lurching this way or that , higgledy - piggledy . So I 've come up with a few tips of my own . Make some noise every once in a while , just to let people know you 're not dead yet . For me , it 's cranking up some AC / DC or Stones ( no soft rock allowed ! ) . Let the neighbors know you 're there , though preferably not after nine p . m . Do something silly - not stupid - every day . Silliness requires that you step outside of yourself and do something that makes no sense at all . Do it because it makes you laugh . Do it because it makes those around you think you 're nuts , which is part of the idea . It 's a kind of creative defiance that turns the world around a little , if only for a moment . And it doesn 't cost anything , unless you get fined for drawing a silly face on your tax return . Part of being human is making an occasional ass of yourself , but try not to make a career out of it . I don 't care how respectable and careful you are . At some point in your life , you 're going to be an ass . I 'm sure Pope Francis is a cool , upstanding guy , but even he must look back on some of his early days and say , " Boy , what an ass I was ! " And look at St . Augustine . He got to have all that fun being an ass , then confessed it all and became famous . So it 's OK to be an ass once in a while , but eventually you have to own up to it and take responsibility . Some final tips . If you do a lot of drinking , it 's best that you not keep guns around the house . And if you can no longer laugh at yourself or face another day , do like an old dog and go off quietly to die in the woods . Don 't blow your brains out in the kitchen . Have some sympathy for the cleaning crew . © Gene Twaronite 2016 Posted on December 11 , 2015 by Gene Twaronite 1 I was a native , once . It was back in 1980 when I still lived in my home city of Manchester , Connecticut , and all the time before that from the moment of my birth . But on the day in June when I moved elsewhere I could no longer call myself a native . Automatically I became a newcomer , outsider , alien - doomed to spend the rest of my life staring blankly at " NATIVE " license plates and bumper stickers . You only get one shot at being a native . Move away from your birthplace for any substantial amount of time and you are no longer one of the chosen . It matters not if you live in a new place for fifty years , even for the rest of your life . The only way to reclaim your inheritance is to go back home and say you made a mistake . And if your town is now underwater - drowned by a dam for the good that is always presumed greater - you are out of luck . Natives often speak of their heritage with a sense of accomplishment , as if they had something to do with it . I was born here , says the native . I chose to remain … while you did not . Well , pardon me for living , but just because you accidentally happened to be born in Scarsdale , London , or on the Mayflower doesn 't make you any better than someone born in Somalia , Bangladesh , or Haiti . Staying put is easy , especially if your native home isn 't currently being blown to smithereens or sinking below the waves of rising seas . Sometimes you don 't have a choice . I don 't care how royal , pure , or blue your blood is , or how your ancestors first cleared this land of native " savages " to make way for civilized white folks , at some point your genetic line had to come from somewhere else . This is what our species has always done , spreading outward from our evolutionary and cultural cradles to occupy all inhabitable spaces on the planet . We humans are always on the move . So where does that leave me , a non - native son who has squandered his inheritance ? I could try to go back to the life of my late father , a true native of our home city . Ironically , he had to briefly relinquish his claim during his last few years at an out - of - state assisted living center , though his remains have now returned to their ancestral soil . By choosing to stay there all his life , he knew and felt things about that " City of Village Charm " that I will never know . But there are also many things that my father never got the chance to experience . The world beckons with possibilities . While some of us choose to be natives of one place , others like me cannot help but see each place as merely one aspect or extension of a larger home . Though I may dwell in and derive meaning from a particular location for a time , it can never be my full address . I am of this world as well as in it , a fact more real to me than the temporary happenstance of where I reside . My love for this native home transcends the love I feel for any one place , region or country . I get a lump in my throat whenever I see its portrait in space - a blue - white haven of hope amid the black emptiness of space - planet number three , home . Home to life . Home to mountains , deserts and seas , great empty spaces and great crowded spaces . Home to more wonderful things , creatures , and peoples than I will ever know . I think I will stay here awhile . After all , I was born and raised here . No E . T . am I . Call me a native earthling . © Gene Twaronite 2015 Not to be outdone , some writers claim to be able to recall their fetal memories as early as 30 weeks after conception . The severely limited social environment of the fetus , coupled with its lack of a comprehensive vocabulary , does pose challenges for the creative writer . Let 's face it , there 's not a lot of partying going on , and your conversation with the outside world largely consists of kicking . One writer insists , however , that he first decided to become a rock ' n ' roll drummer when he became habituated to his drunken dad 's late night pounding on the front door . I must confess that I remember little from my earliest years , aside from bratty episodes when I would scream and cry in the department store to make my poor Aunt Mary buy me a toy elephant , or the way I could put on my " ain 't I lovable " act and con my dear grandmother out of almost anything . As for my fetus days , forget it - they 're a complete blank . But oddly enough , I do possess vivid recollections of my interior life just before conception . True , there 's not enough stuff to fill a book . The whole thing lasted only a few days - just after I entered my mother 's womb - but oh what days they were ! Looking back now , I have to say it was the most challenging time of my life , full of danger , excitement , and emotional triumphs . I remember being a lonely guy at the time , despite the fact that I was surrounded by over 250 million other sperm . I dreamed of finding just the right egg to spend my life with , an egg who would understand me and not make fun of the fact that I was 175 , 000 times smaller than she was . I was determined to find her . Up through the deep dark caverns I traveled , with only my raw courage to guide me . It was a perilous journey that few of us would survive . During the first few minutes , I had watched in horror as millions of my comrades died in writhing agony in the acid bath of the vaginal canal . Tony and Eddie - such great kidders - who were always good for a laugh . And who can forget George , who was always tripping on his own tail , or my best bud Frank ? Damn , how I miss him ! Then came that awful cervical mucus - like swimming in sewage - where many of the poorer swimmers drowned . So many good men died that day , and for what ? The same reason I was there , still alive and swimming toward my dream . I was young and strong and knew that she was up there waiting for me . My tail ached as I swam and jostled for position . On and on we swam , up through the cervix and uterus , in a grim marathon where only the strongest would survive . At that point , I was swimming on pure DNA . Though few of us who had started the race remained , I knew I could do it . As we got closer to the infamous fallopian tunnels , I could see some poor saps taking the wrong tube . Hate to admit it , but I was not sad to see them go . A few less competitors to get in my way . Just as I was about to enter the tunnel , I felt her presence for the first time . It was if she were sending me a signal to guide me to her . I started swimming like an Olympic sperm . So I purposely let some of the other sperm get ahead . Actually , I had paid them all off beforehand to pass the torch to me . The idea was for them to arrive at my beloved before I did and start breaking down her resistance with their enzymes . She was very sweet , but had developed a real wall around her . Suddenly , there she was - the egg of my heart . The guys had done their job , and by the way that she looked at me I knew she felt the same about me . She was ready . In no time , I was in . For a few blissful days , we traveled together down the fallopian tube . After about a week , the honeymoon was over and it was time to get attached in our new apartment . I wish I could remember more . I 'm sure there were some very good times . Posted on November 5 , 2015 by Gene Twaronite 1 I can say with considerable certainty that I will never be interviewed by Terry Gross on Fresh Air , unless perhaps I publish a string of blockbuster slasher / romance novels or become the first human male to give birth to a gorilla . Still , a man can dream . Here 's how it might go . Terry : Today I am interviewing author Gene Twaronite , as part of our new series on writers you 've never heard of . Hi , is this Gene ? I 'll be doing the interview with you today . Me : Yes , this is Gene . Wow , I can 't believe it 's really you ! I 'm so excited to be on your program . I 'm a huge fan . I can 't tell you how many times I 've fantasized about … . Me : Writing isn 't all about fame and money , Terry - is it OK if I call you that ? It 's about expressing yourself , and sharing your words with others . It doesn 't matter how many books you sell or who 's heard of you . The important thing is that you 've created something unique in the world . To quote a poem by Shel Silverstein : " Put something silly in the world that ain 't been there before . " And by the way , my rank this morning is actually 8 , 997 , 332 , but who 's counting ? Terry : I 've always loved that poem and yes , your stuff is pretty silly . So you don 't care that no one has heard of you and you make only a two - figure income ? And please call me Ms . Gross . Me : Sorry , Terry , I mean Ms . Gross . Well , sure , I wouldn 't mind selling a lot more books or receiving some literary acclaim . But it 's really about living an authentic life and putting your work out there . Long after I 'm gone , my books will live on , bringing enjoyment to new generations of readers . Terry : Gene , now don 't take this the wrong way , but it 's unlikely your books will live on if no one buys and reads them . They 'll just fade away in the cloud . You 'll be one more of the tens of millions of writers who aspired to fame and lost . Fifty years from now , no one will have heard of you . There will be no trace of your ever being here . Terry : Sorry , Gene - reality sucks . You and all the other authors out there need to hear the truth . You 're never going to be number one on Amazon . Stop living in a dream world . Maybe there are other things you could do . Terry : OK , we still have oodles of time to fill and as long as I 've got you here , let me ask you about your first novel The Family That Wasn 't . Your main character John Boggle has this crazy hyphenated name : Bazukas - O ' Reilly - Geronimo - Giovanni - Li Choy - Echeverria . Weren 't you worried about offending people with hyphenated names ? It sounds like you 're making fun of them . Do you ever get complaints from them ? Me : Actually , I was trying to show why this family I had invented was so crazy that they insisted on keeping all those names . I wasn 't trying to make fun of anyone but these fictional characters . No one 's ever complained , but thanks to your question they probably will now . Terry : Your sequel My Vacation in Hell must have been really tough to write . You show John Boggle being sexually abused by his fake Uncle Vinnie . The experiences you describe are so vivid . Tell me , were you ever sexually abused ? Me : You know , that 's the first thing my wife asked when she first read it . It 's as if she thought I couldn 't write such realistic scenes without actually having had the experience , and she 's my biggest fan . But no , to the best of my knowledge , I was never abused . Terry : Still , you must have felt something as you wrote those disturbing sex scenes . I know that , as a writer , you have to project yourself into the life of your characters , to feel what they feel . Now you don 't have to answer this if it makes you uncomfortable in any way , but were you sexually aroused while writing them ? Me : OK , in the first place , it is perfectly possible to write about sex without getting physical . Second , I do find your question offensive . Is that something you ask all your guests ? Did you ask Hillary or Bill O ' Reilly about their sexual life ? Terry : Well , it does sometimes help to keep the conversation going . Sorry if I offended you , and no , I didn 't ask them that , but maybe I should have . Can just see the look on old Bill 's face . Well , I see our time is about up . Our guest was author Gene Twaronite . I really enjoyed talking to you , Gene . Could you tell us a little about your next book ? Oops , sorry - out of time . Best of luck to you . Bye . Posted on October 22 , 2015 by Gene Twaronite 1 Call me a freak . Not a hippie freak , eco - freak , or Jesus freak , just a plain old freak . You see , I don 't have a tattoo . Yesterday I saw a geezer ( i . e . , someone older than I ) downtown - he had to be at least 97 - with a big red heart on his neck and the word " Alice , " which I thought was kind of sweet until I noticed just above it a raised hand holding a dagger . Some guys never get over their divorces . A recent Harris poll found that 21 % of U . S . adults now have a tattoo , and among the younger crowd it 's almost twice that . It won 't be long before Pope Francis has one - I suspect he secretly does - and there 'll be no unadorned skin left on the planet . Freaks like me will be eyed suspiciously . Why doesn 't that man have a tattoo ? Is he trying to make a statement ? It 's un - American , I tell you ! It 's not that I don 't think tattoos are cool . I am fascinated by the diverse and creative ways we set ourselves apart from the herd . When I see some young dude with green - streaked purple hair wearing barbed wire around his neck , twenty pounds of nose , ear , lip , and throat jewelry , and his skin adorned with the full complement of body art , I get all warm and fuzzy inside . How difficult it must be these days to achieve that perfect rebellious , insolent , don 't - give - a - damn look . It 's all about making a statement . When I was a kid , the only tattoos I remember were those on the arms of my two ex - navy uncles . The rule was , if you were in the navy , jail , a carnival , or a gang you got one . But then , during the 60 's , tattoos really took off in this country as part of a cultural reaction to the values of the white , straight , middle class . Pretty soon , tattoos weren 't just for stoned out rock musicians or starving artists . Middleclass and upper class folks started sporting them . The rest is history . The prevailing culture simply swallowed up the protest symbol . Tattoos are now just something to do . When you see a tattooed politician , stock broker or brain surgeon riding to work on his Harley , you know the tattoo has lost any shock impact it once possessed . So I 've decided to be proactive . Rather than allowing them to put some tacky tattoo of Mickey Mouse , Miley Cyrus , or worse on my arm , I 'll have a design all worked out . That way , when they come crashing through the front door I 'll have something to show them . They might go easier on me , knowing that I 've put a little thought into it . Being a poet , I thought I could have one of my little poems inserted under my skin in tasteful script , on a part of my body normally exposed . I don 't mind sharing my poems , but having to take my shirt off to let someone read a poem is too great a price to ask of my art . Of course , there 's always the risk of would - be poetry critics coming up to me and provoking a scene . It doesn 't rhyme . How it can it be poetry ? He obviously took that line straight out of Frost . Perhaps I could reproduce some famous paintings for my body art . I can see one arm sporting Monet 's Les Quatre Arbres ( Poplars ) , while the other features Botticelli 's The Birth of Venus . On my neck ( my legs are too hairy ) I could have Goya 's Saturn Devouring His Son . That would get some attention . I do worry , however , that the aging canvas upon which they are painted would sag and fade with time , requiring extensive restoration . I need a bold statement , something that will really stand out . Since I live in Arizona , why not get a brand burned into my flesh . It needs to be simple and concise , something that tells who I am - maybe a little heart with the words " Irreverent Infidel " or " In Silliness We Trust . " For once in my life , I might actually get ahead of the curve . These days , it 's all about branding . Posted on October 2 , 2015 by Gene Twaronite 1 It seems that whenever we set out on a family visit , my wife takes me aside and reminds me about not discussing certain topics . " What good does it do ? " she 'll say . " You can 't change people 's opinions . You 'll just get all hot under the collar . Just relax and be sociable . " " Hell no . You start talking about the meaning of life and the nature of good and evil , and people get uncomfortable . And you know where any talk about economics will lead . It 's capitalism versus socialism , the 1 % and the 99 % . You want to start a war ? " The only things left are sports and TV , and even those can lead to trouble . " What 's with their left baseman ? He 's got dreads down to his knees . And their catcher 's wearing a prayer shawl and a yarmulke . What are you , some kind of bigot ? Speaking of bigots , did you see the Donald last night ? Man , what a buffoon ! Hey , don 't knock Donald . He makes a lot of sense . I don 't see you making billions of dollars . " You can always talk about the weather . " Say , wasn 't that some storm last night ? My house is underwater , and they say all of Florida will be soon . Well , at least it put out the wildfires . Do you think all these things have anything to do with … ? Don 't say it ! Say what ? You were going to bring up climate change , weren 't you ? Actually , I was going to say that it might signal the apocalypse , as revealed in Revelations . " Maybe I 'm being nostalgic , but wasn 't there a time when we could simply talk about things without risking the total meltdown of civilization ? Today , there is no real desire to listen and consider anyone 's opinion but one 's own . We launch our talking points like missiles , hoping to score points . " Oh , that was a good one . She got you there . " Instead of trying to digest what people say , we 're too busy thinking about our next clever retort . We ask questions only to embarrass or put off guard anyone who dares to challenge our cherished beliefs . We push our opponents ' buttons and laugh as they get flustered . Have to admit , I 'm not always a polite conversationalist . I grow impatient with small talk . I want to suck the marrow out of you , to know what it is you think and feel down to your bones . As far as I 'm concerned , the only topics worth talking about are those which inspire , ignite , or anger us , which may explain why I don 't receive a lot of dinner invitations . I miss some of the family dinner discussions we had growing up . Not that they were always civil . I do recall a lot of yelling , but no hitting , biting , or scratching . There would be something in the news about some politician , labor strike , or cultural fad , and we were off . The conversation might veer toward diets , as for instance the time my younger sister became a vegetarian . I remember pummeling her with questions . " What 's the matter with meat ? Eating meat is natural . What are those canines for , if not to tear flesh ? You have to kill something . How is killing a carrot more ethical than killing a cow ? " There was much laughter around the dinner table , at my poor sister 's expense . As I look back on it , though , beneath the sarcastic veneer , there was a desire to know and understand her reasons . She must have got through to me . It was not long before I , too , became a vegetarian . Our family was fortunate to have an official discussion referee . Whenever things got too hot in the dining room , my mother , holding a plate of steaming pot roast , would enter and give us all that look . In a grim voice , she would say , " Nutilk ! " - the Lithuanian word for " shut up . " Then she would smile and tell us to eat . In her quiet , no nonsense way , my mother was telling us that we were still a family and to put away our differences . For her , la famiglia always came first . She saw the dangers of a divided house . Our country is not a family , of course , but as citizens we do , or should , all share a common allegiance to our nation - a nation of many voices , voices that have become increasingly shrill and unyielding . There comes a time when we need to stop shouting at each other and listen for a change . Sit down and break bread . Raise a glass of wine as you toast your differences . And remember to laugh . In the immortal words of both Lincoln and Jesus , " A house divided against itself cannot stand . " Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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It had been a good reunion . The number of veterans was now getting to be very few , and those few were frail . He was rather proud of himself , he had been able to stand to attention throughout the National Anthem and had joined in singing Das Fallschirmjägerlied - Rot Scheint de Sonne . It was the sixtieth anniversary of the landing on Crete , sixty years since the greatest disaster and the greatest success that the regiment had achieved . There were so many comrades to remember , and singing and drinking was the best way to do it . It was the way the dead ones would have approved of . Of course the alcohol had made him sleepy , and he had woken to find himself tucked up in bed . He had smiled to himself and had hoped that the young man who had undressed him had been handsome . He was still partial to a handsome young man . He tried to remember the last one . He had been seventy he recalled . They had taken him to a bar in Berlin to celebrate his birthday , and he had left discreetly with a young soldier . He had told the barman to tell the others that he had left with a girl . The barman had grinned and pocketed a handsome tip . The young man sensibly chose to remember why they were there , before the mood of the moment could darken further . He had a thing for men old enough to be his grandfather . He had never met his grandfather . He had been killed as a Volksturm during the final battle for Berlin . But , that wasn 't why they were there and Gott lay back with a satisfied smile as the young man went down on him . He closed his eyes and remembered … a school , a barracks , a naturist beach … it didn 't matter . As long as his eyes were closed the mouth always started as Mustafa , particularly if the head in his lap was curly … but , at the end , when it was time … It would always be Gerhard that he called for . The major was excited . Luftwaffe High - Command had told him in extreme secrecy , that his men were to lead the attack on Crete . That the Luftwaffe was to be entrusted with a complete invasion was unique . At Eben Emael they had spear - headed the attack but with the Wehrmacht close behind , just a few miles behind . If the Royal Navy were successful in bottling them up on the island then they could be there alone for quite some time . In that case , the British might have time to bring in reinforcements from Egypt and North Africa . This adventure was not only an honour … it was also a tremendous gamble . He and his superiors discussed the plans over the next few months , always by Enigma encrypted messages . Only a handful of men knew about the plans they were drawing up . At Oranienburg he was one of very few . In Germany , the time came for news to spread down the chain of command . Harald had at last been told of his role in Operation Mercury . The capturing of Crete would be done using paratroopers and gliders , all three battalions would be in the first wave on 20 May 1941 . Suddenly , Harald was not a happy man . He had understood the Führer 's insistence that Eben Emael should be a glider attack . There were good reasons and it had saved a lot of lives . But this time , his men were about to attack the British , and the British would have the radar that the Belgians had lacked ! A glider attack would not come as a surprise this time . It would be like shooting geese , large fat lumbering birds . Harald was proud to have been asked , he was one of the most senior survivors of the attack on the Belgian forts at Eben Emael , but … he couldn 't be happy that they wouldn 't be jumping … His men were jumpers after all . Just as much to the point , whoever was in those gliders would be in for a rough time . He didn 't want them to be his men . " Major , I have the best trained jumpers in the regiment … You know they are the most reliable at landing . There hasn 't been a broken wrist or a twisted ankle for months . Gott and Sigi have them jumping nearly as well as they do . What we shall need are men safely on the ground , men who can get out of their harness without standing up or worrying about the quartermaster ! For my men to arrive in a glider like office workers … it 's a terrible waste … they 're jumpers . It 's jumpers who will take the battlefield … the gliders are just reinforcements ! " " So , you want to go in with the first wave … lead the attack ? You want to risk your young men when the enemy is at his strongest ? There 's little hope of surprise … this isn 't a re - run of Eben Emael ! " " Major … If we are killed to a man , we shall still achieve more than we would arriving as reinforcements . These are the best of your men , they should lead the attack … even if all their mothers have to collect Iron Crosses ! " " Thank you sir . My men will do you proud … and , don 't start writing letters just yet . I think Gott and his mates will have every intention of gathering here afterwards . " It was the early hours of the morning , long before dawn . The major was quietly walking among his men as they waited to embark . He had gathered them in a large group and had said all the things that leaders have said since Agincourt , since Thermopylae even . He had told them that they were the Fatherland 's best … that they had trained for a year for the next few hours . Now he was walking quietly , looking for the nervous ones , talking calmly to them , as if this were just a training flight . There was an inter - regiment football tournament in a few weeks … he discussed prospects for their team with men who would in all likelihood miss the matches . The sheer ordinariness of the conversation calmed men . He knew that once they were on board the planes the adrenalin would kick in and time would speed up or slow down , whichever they needed . An eerie calm would settle over them . He had experienced it himself , jumping into Norway . He had lost an eye , been captured , been re - captured by his own men and had fought on . His sergeant major had wiped blacking on the stark whiteness of the dressing over his eye , to make it less of a target . In the dark the engines started and the JU52 planes , loaded with his men rolled to the runways . One after another they climbed into the sky . The roar of the engines gradually fading into the night . The runway lights winked out , darkness and silence returned . In the air , some men slept , it was after all still very early … or very late if they had been too nervous to sleep . Much of the nervous energy had dissipated the moment the engines started and the fight or flight choice had reduced to the obvious one . Now that they were committed to fighting , less energy was needed and eyes drooped closed . A Bavarian soldier had brought a flute and he was playing , accompanied by the singing of the men around him . Conversation or singing was local . The noise of the engines prevented conversation with more than just the man next to them . At 08 . 00h the red warning light came on , they had been watching for it for the last ten minutes . They didn 't need any shouted orders . As one , and in silence , they stood and moved towards the door . The first few clipped on their static line . For thirteen of those years he hadn 't known that it was this that he was waiting for … but he had been waiting for something . Now he knew … this was it . In just a few minutes he would make the one jump that had to be absolutely perfect . Looking out of the window he could see one of the three planes in their triad . Signal lamps would coordinate their synchronised jumps . Three paratroopers would each leave their plane at exactly the same moment so that the three of them would land close together . Gott , Sigi and Gerhard had organised with the jump - masters to be first out of their planes . It would place them together as a team on the ground . It also gave the jump - masters confidence that the first men to leave would actually jump . Once the queue was moving , inertia would keep it going . It was the first one in the door who could screw things up . It took a moment for Gott to associate what he could see with the rat - a - tat of a twin barrelled heavy machine - gun on the perimeter of the airfield . The machine - gunner seemed satisfied and stopped firing . Gerhard just hung there , not moving … just hanging there . He was the first to hit the ground and out of the corner of his eye Gott saw that he simply hit the ground , not even hands and elbows , let alone a Gott landing . Gott had felt the snatching of his ' chute as bullets passed through the canopy , and had waited to become a rag - doll like his companion . But , the gunner gave up when his targets dropped below the tree line . Gott saw the barrels turn away from him . He looked across at Sigi and waved … Sigi waved back . They hit the ground together , landing feet together and a roll … not back onto their feet this time . This time they lay as flat as they could . Gott drew his knife and cut his single shroud … the canopy flew away in the breeze . Bullets were clipping the top of the tall grass around him . The gunner couldn 't depress the barrels enough to reach him where he was lying . It went through his mind that if he had attempted to stand up to release his ' chute , or even just landed on hands and knees he would now be dead ! Gott and his friends , unlike many of their comrades had spent much of the night sharpening their knives to a razor - edge . As they lay under the rising Cretan sun , having first cut away their parachute , they now carefully cut the tight harness webbing around their chests . Later they would need to release the tightly laced boots that had protected their ankles , but … just for now , Gott had another urgent task to perform . Sigi grabbed Gott 's hand and kissed it . At any other time it might have seemed silly , but lying there with bullets passing inches above them , it was all he could do . It didn 't seem enough . Together they crawled towards a billowing ' chute that Gott said was in the direction that Gerhard had been heading . When they got there they found him lying on his back , his sightless eyes looking towards them . He was clearly dying … not yet dead but nearly gone . No - one could survive the mess that the heavy calibre shells had made . His chest was shredded , but his face was mercifully untouched . Gott kissed him on the forehead and as he did so , Gerhard opened his eyes and quietly whispered just one word … Gerhard closed his eyes , and as he did so , Gott placed the muzzle of his pistol on Gerhard 's forehead and paused a moment . It was long enough for the frown of pain to clear . Gerhard had felt the cold steel 's touch and knew that the pain was ending . He reached into the ruin that had been Gerhard 's chest and removed his passbook and wallet . The dog - tags he left for the burial teams that would follow , but the passbook had a photo and the wallet had letters . Those were his , and the blood on them was special Gott and Sigi prepared grenades . Gott had his sub - machine gun set on single shot . He silently counted down for Sigi and they threw together . As his grenade left his hand he picked up his gun and settled … ready . Their grenades landed among the sandbags , the machine gunner dived out of his enclosure . Gott waited patiently counting . As he reached four seconds there was the sound of the grenades going off , muffled by the sandbags . He nodded to Sigi who threw another . This time it went over the sandbags and landed a short distance from the gunner . Before the grenade could explode the gunner broke cover … Gott was waiting . It was a day for firsts … It had been his first jump in combat , but this , this wasn 't the first it should have been . This wasn 't the first time he had looked a frightened dying man in the eyes and then placed a shot between them . It should have been , his first kill should have been a Tommy … but , it had been Gerhard . But , as he killed him , he didn 't feel anything special . The Britisher had killed Gerhard and he had killed the Britisher . He had done it carefully , inflicting as little suffering as he could manage . He felt a little better , but there were a lot more Tommies waiting . It was going to be a long day . The most senior commanders of the British force on the ground had been waiting all night for them . They had told their men to stand to , for no apparent reason . They had ordered them to watch the sky and the sea , mostly they had watched the sea . Two thousand miles away from Crete , the men and women of the British Government Code and Cipher School at Bletchley Park held their breath and waited . They were able to say that today was the day the Germans would fall from the sky . That they were coming was certain … On the ground , how they would arrive was less certain , information was restricted . Too much information and the Germans would know that their Enigma cipher was no longer secure . During all the preparation the attacking force had observed the strictest radio silence . Essential radio traffic within Germany had been encrypted using the rock - solid reliable Enigma cipher machines . The German high command had been absolutely certain … no - one knew they were coming . Harald had been the last out of his plane , so that he could see where the others landed . It would make it easier for him to gather them together into a coherent fighting force . He could also see the colour - coded multiple chutes of the equipment canisters and where they had landed . His mind was a whirl of data as he floated down . He heard ground - fire and felt small jerks as bullets passed through his chute . It all seemed part of someone else 's script . The one thing he knew for certain was that this was not the day that he was going to die … He had far too much to do ! It was not Britishers but New Zealanders who defended Maleme airfield 's surrounding area . Who they were didn 't matter , all the paratroopers knew was that the defence was exceptionally fierce and well prepared . They were lucky that the major had worked hard to get them as many MP40 sub - machine guns as he could . There should have only been one for every four men , but for his teams it was one in two . It meant that once free of their ' chutes they could start to gather together . They didn 't need to wander the battlefield looking for weapons containers . In fact with half of them already dead the living could collect MP40s from comrades who hadn 't made it … statistically there was now a sub - machine gun for every man . They were in fact better off than many that day . The first few hours were the worst . One company of the Third Battalion of the First Assault Regiment lost nine out of every ten men . Two thirds of that battalion 's men were killed during the first day . Watching the glider force arrive , Harald knew that he had been right to insist that his men jump in . Within seconds of a glider landing the defenders brought down mortar fire on it . The few who managed to get out of the gliders alive were slaughtered to the last man by the New Zealand and Greek defenders . They would learn to take civilians seriously . It was civilians who managed to scatter the paratroopers who had dropped at Kastelli . It was Greek and Cretan forces that frustrated the paratroopers ' efforts to take Kolimbari and Paleochora , and those were places that they badly needed to take . They were places the British could use to bring in reinforcements from North Africa . Gott cheered grimly when a second wave of aircraft flew over in the late afternoon . More paratroopers dropped , and there were more gliders . They contained heavy assault troops on their way to attack Rethymno and Heraklion , but that was a long way off , and Harald 's men had their own problems . Despite the problems that their heavy losses had created , Harald felt that the day was ending as well as he could reasonably have hoped it would . Some things had gone surprisingly well . Of nearly five hundred aircraft used during that first day , only seven had been destroyed by anti - aircraft fire . Overnight something equally inexplicable went wrong for the Allied side and the Fallschirmjäger took advantage of it without really understanding . During the night the New Zealanders had withdrawn from the hill that overlooked Maleme airfield , leaving it undefended . Harald and his commanders were puzzled , couldn 't see why they had done it , but rapidly occupied the abandoned defences . General Student now concentrated his forces on Maleme . Once his paratroopers had taken control of Maleme airfield and , despite an artillery barrage , Ju 52s brought in part of the 5th Mountain Division under cover of darkness . Their arrival was followed by an amphibious landing nearby During the second afternoon of the battle , the British forces counter - attacked . They attempted to retake the airfield but their attack was too slow to develop . By the next morning the Fallschirmjäger were receiving air support from Stuka divebombers . Harald sent patrols to watch the coast . He 'd been ordered to be ready to provide support for a convoy of around 20 caiques that would land 2000 reinforcements near Malame . The patrols returned , reporting that British naval forces had disrupted the landing , and the convoy had been forced to turn back . The Allied troops on the island were now in real trouble . They were defending themselves against well dug - in paratroops , and newly arrived mountain - troops while being bombed by German Stuka dive bombers . Having been forced to withdraw to the eastern end of the island , the British and Greeks now risked being out - flanked by the advancing Germans . The Fallschirmjäger and mountain troops were still on their own . Reinforcement by sea had failed to appear , a second convoy was known to have had to turn back . But then , once again there was a strange reversal of fortune . British naval forces mysteriously withdrew instead of continuing their attack on a convoy that had been a sitting duck , its only protection the Sagittario , a light torpedo boat . Luftwaffe bombers were having great success against the British navy . By the end of the second day , the British had lost two cruisers and a destroyer . Royal Navy gunners had shot down ten Luftwaffe aircraft and damaged nearly twenty more . They had been in one of the landings on the first day that went somewhat astray , resulting in them being captured . They had been held by New Zealanders at Kastelli , but now Germans were headed their way . Kastelli was on the line of eastwards advance . The boys had found what they believed to be the safest corner of the cellar in which they were imprisoned . If their memory of events surrounding their capture were correct then their corner was sheltered by a large outcrop of rock . Perhaps that 's why the farm buildings were there … it was the one part of the farm that was better used for buildings than farming . The explosion left their ears ringing . They only saw a flash reflected off the far wall of the L - shaped cellar . They were in the below - ground arm of the L and the bomb went off at the far end of the above - ground arm . Suddenly it was daylight in the cellar and in the painfully bright sunlight they could see the last of the rough stonework landing in front of them . Luck had saved their lives … they had chosen the correct half of the cellar ! Baldur recovered his wits first … " Attack ! " He shouted and charged at the hole in the cellar wall . Outside he found a dead farmer , with a hunting rifle still in his hand . He grabbed the rifle and dived behind a tree that had been felled by the bomb . From there he provide his companions with rudimentary covering - fire as they came out . Most of them were dazed or at least disorientated . A Greek policeman appeared around the side of the farm building , and Baldur brought him down with his first shot , blood poured from the damage to his throat . Nothing had shocked Baldur up to this point , the jump , the firefight , capture , even the bomb , he had taken them all in his stride . But … the sight of the policeman , his shocked face , and his hands vainly attempting to halt the flow of blood … Baldur closed his eyes and was quietly sick . He was up and running as his friend recovered his wits and looked around for opposition . None was immediately apparent . He saw Heinz seize the policeman 's rifle , pistol and ammunition belt and run back to Baldur . At that moment two New Zealand officers appeared . Unaware of what was going on they were examining the dead policeman when Baldur and Heinz opened up on them . It seemed a pity later , none of the New Zealanders had treated them badly … but this was now a real war and the paratroopers were four ahead on the body count . That was when they met the boy . They were moving back to the cover of the ruin , to work out what to do … which way to advance as Heinz put it . The boy was kneeling beside the dead farmer , in tears . Seeing Baldur holding his father 's rifle , he charged at him , swinging a wicked looking scythe . Baldur was startled both by the child 's anger and the unwieldy length of his blade . Baldur shook his head … then he side - stepped the swing of the blade and brought his rifle round in a swift arc . But , instead of shooting the kid , he brought the barrel of the rifle sharply across the boy 's upper arm . Heinz winced as he heard the bone snap . " He 's not an irregular … " Baldur said . " Yesterday he was , and tomorrow he 'll be a child with a broken arm … today he 's a kid with a dead father to bury . Come on let 's find some real enemy , this kid 's no threat to use . " " With a broken arm he 's not going to be anyone 's problem but his own … I wonder if he has a mother . " Heinz replied , suddenly concerned for the boy . The German Kriegsmarine were attempting to deliver heavy weapons to the struggling paratroopers . Oberleutnant Österlin was so determined to transport two Panzer II light tanks to Kastelli Kisamou beach that he commandeered a small wooden boat at Piraeus and craned the tanks into it . The boat had no ramp so there was no apparent way to get the tanks ashore . Towed by a small harbour tug , the Kentauros , Österlin set sail to the Gulf of Kithamos , a sheltered bay with a landing beach . The tug pushed the boat onto the beach . Oberleutnant Österlin 's plan now became clear … his engineers blew the boat 's bows off . The tanks drove out and up the beach … the paratroopers at last had armoured support . In the afternoon , Harald received word from headquarters in Athens that an Italian convoy had departed from Rhodes with a brigade - sized task force supported by 13 light tanks . The 3 , 000 men and their equipment were on shore by 17 : 20h . The Italians advanced to the west unopposed , and linked up with the Germans at Ierapetra . Meanwhile , the British were leaving , mainly from Sphakia on the south coast . It took them four nights . During the hours of darkness 16 , 000 British troops were evacuated to Egypt by ship . Not everyone got away . More than 9 , 000 British were left behind . The village of Alikianos lay between Harald 's men and the Allied line of retreat . It had been one of the places the Fallschirmjäger had attacked on the first day . Greek defences in the village were young Cretan recruits , gendarmes , and cadets . They were badly equipped and numbered less than a thousand men . Attached to the New Zealand Infantry , little was expected of them . They proved expectation wrong . They held off the Engineer Battalion , and resisted repeated attacks by the 85th and 100th Mountain Regiments . They held Alikianos for seven days and made the evacuation of western Crete possible . The battles across the island are famous for their brutality . The Fallschirmjägers ' standing orders were not to take partisans prisoner , they were to be shot out of hand . Nevertheless , Cretan men , women , and children , together with priests , monks , and nuns resisted determinedly . In a basically farming community weapons were in short supply , so museums were raided for ancient weaponry , farmers and priests re - discovered the skill of loading and firing matchlock rifles . Many were weapons that had been buried on farms when Crete was occupied by the Turkish Ottoman Empire . Now they were dug up , cleaned and used to resist new invaders . Cretan housewives provided much of the weaponry for their men . Quite a few Fallschirmjäger were killed with kitchen knives . Those ridiculous harnesses were still getting men killed . In one case , an elderly Cretan man clubbed a parachutist to death with his walking stick before he could get free of his parachute . At one of the landing zones a priest and his son had two ancient rifles . The priest shot at German paratroopers with one while the son re - loaded the other . The partisans were of course quick to gather up the weapons of the dead paratroopers . With half of those who jumped dead before they hit the ground … there were a lot of weapons to gather . The British retreat had a rearguard provided by two companies of Māoris . The Germans had reason to respect them . They had already overrun the 1st Battalion , 141st Gebirgsjäger Regiment and halted the German advance . Once the main Allied force was safe , the Māoris began a fighting retreat of twenty - four miles . It was a fighting retreat , not a rout … They lost only two men killed and just eight wounded . Even those they didn 't abandon . All of them were carried to safety . The Fallschirmjäger could respect that kind of fighting force . It would amuse Gott in later years to discover that the Fallschirmjäger were better known and held in greater respect in New Zealand than any other nation . He hoped that black Māoris featured as they should in the re - enactments that happened in that far off land . The commando detachment and Māoris that Gott and his comrades were pursuing southwards were known as Layforce . Two hundred of them with their unit commander , Robert Laycock , were to cover the retreat of heavier units . Laycock 's men , three of the remaining British tanks and men of the 20th Heavy Anti - Aircraft Battery were providing a rearguard . The antiaircraft men were there because they refused to accept that a general evacuation could have been ordered ! Laycock and his men unfortunately held a line that became cut off near the village of Babali Khani . They stood their ground , attacked by dive bombers as well as by land . Layforce were now unable to get away and most of them , and the antiaircraft men would be killed or captured . Eight hundred commandos had been landed on Crete and six hundred were now killed , wounded or missing . Of the eight hundred , only 23 officers and 156 others would make it off the island . The irony you were promised ? Well , Laycock and his brigade major made good their escape , breaking through German lines in one of the tanks . Against all odds they made it through the surrounding Germans , survived and were among those evacuated from the island , to continue their war elsewhere . Now the irony … Laycock would find himself leading an attack against Gott and his Fallschirmjäger comrades as they in turn fought a fighting retreat across Normandy . Gott would know who he was fighting … Laycock 's men now featured in Fallschirmjäger myth and legend . Just as Laycock would know who the men he was chasing were . It must have given Laycock great satisfaction to be in pursuit of his pursuers . The Greek Resistance was now well equipped . Heavy antiaircraft guns and tanks would be useless to them and were destroyed by the British . But , as they prepared to leave they gave their personal weapons and ammunition to the Cretans . The Cretans would stay behind as resistance fighters . It was still only 1 June . It had taken just eight days for the Fallschirmjäger to capture Crete . They remained on Crete until the end of the month when they were withdrawn to re - join the forces gathered on Germany 's new and unwisely opened … Eastern Front . Harald and his men had missed the start line for the war in the East . Barbarossa , the invasion of Russia had rolled eastward on 22 June 1941 . But , t he capture of Crete had provided their Führer with a defensive position that secured his southern flank in Russia . While delighted with the victory , the very high casualties that they had taken had shocked Hitler . The High Command could hardly comprehend how many of their best had not even survived the parachute drop . That many more had died during the battle on the island was understandable , it happened , it was war after all . But to be shot like geese as they descended slowly , by an enemy that appeared to be more or less expecting them … that gave even enthusiasts for airborne operations pause for thought . Gottfried didn 't regard his time in Russia as memorable . The fighting was fierce but the cold and wet , the mud and the fact that the advance was shared with the SS , and the general awfulness that implied , made it a part of his life that he walled off and refused to remember . They had been sent to Russia in October to reinforce the front along the river Neva . Russian resistance was fierce . They fought until December , by which time their numbers were so reduced that they were withdrawn to Germany . Gott much preferred to remember their time back in Germany . They spent the first half of 1942 as what was known as a Lehrbattalion . A Lehrbattalion 's task was the testing of new airborne tactics and weapons . For someone whose usual reaction to the existing textbook was " I shouldn 't have to tell you how silly this is ! " , the development of new ways of doing things was exactly what Gottfried needed . For those who were sent to Africa , military tourism didn 't last long . After landing in Tobruk , they were immediately moved to the front to reinforce , if not rescue what was essentially and formally an Italian front . They were soon engaged in the Second Battle of El Alamein . During the summer , the First Battle of El Alamein had stopped Rommel in his tracks … literally . The British had chosen a choke point where the desert approached to within 40 miles of the sea , close enough that they couldn 't be outflanked … tank tracks couldn 't grip in the deeper sand of the desert . That had greatly advantaged the British defence as they faced Rommel 's advance . Now , in offence the terrain advantage lay with Rommel . The British couldn 't outflank him and would need to start with a frontal attack . Montgomery launched it with an artillery barrage that was louder than it was effective . Few artillery barrages were ever as useful as they sounded … whether on the Western Front in the First World War or the Pacific Islands in the Second . The problem , amongst others , was that bagged charges were very inconsistent in their load , the majority of shot missed the target entirely . Scientists who visited the battlefield later were shocked at how little of the barrage had served a useful purpose . Then , the Royal Engineers now managed the slowest bayonet charge in history . Lying on their bellies they crawled towards the Germans , probing the sand , feeling gently with their bayonets for the anti - tank mines that stood between their own tanks and the Germans . Some of them had the new mine detectors that the Polish Army Lt . Kosacki had invented in 1941 , an invention that doubled the rate of progress of the engineers in mine clearance . They were charging forward at a mile every eight hours ! The Axis forces were pushed back despite a magnificent defence by the Italian Folgore Division , who together with the Ramcke Fallschirmjäger held up the British right flank 's advance . The Folgore famously fought to the last round of ammunition . When re - formed after the battle , the division had to be reduced to a battalion . Even that battalion was finally destroyed at the later battle of Takrouna in Tunisia in 1943 … These were not spaghettikameraden , as the Germans derisively termed their Italian allies … . These like Ramcke 's men were paratroopers . When the Afrikakorps were forced to withdraw , the Fallschirmjäger Brigade Ramcke became surrounded . Everyone assumed that because it had no transport it would have to surrender , but its leader , Generalmajor Hermann - Bernhard Ramcke , who had also been on Crete , chose instead to walk his men out , just as the British had on Crete . He would lose 450 of them in the process . On the way out they captured British supply trucks and their contents , and for a short while lived in some luxury … as they walked . Gott was on the move again , preparing for another fight . After their time in Germany their battalion was moved to France . Then via Rome they moved to Sicily . They were preparing to meet an Allied invasion . But , where they were going to be needed was not yet clear . That was what German High Command were holding them for . The peace of their few weeks in Italy didn 't last long . Some were unlucky enough to be returned to Russia in October 1942 , but Harald 's men happily found themselves attached to the force that returned to North Africa to oppose the Allies . German forces were now fragmented along the Mediterranean coastal fringe . Rommel was on his own west of El Alamein and the others were in the general area of Tunisia and Libya . They were all on the same coast but with thousands of miles between them were unable to combine resources or strategy . The British action started in England . French ships and submarines in port in Plymouth and Portsmouth were boarded by the British . The submarine Surcouf ( the largest in the world at the time ) resisted and three British sailors were killed , together with a Frenchman . Things had started badly . The French were at anchor and were only able to bring to bear those guns that already pointed in the right direction . It was impossible to turn the ships to enable full broadsides . The outcome was fairly predictable and one - sided , perhaps that was what really upset the French Navy . In exchange for two British airmen and six aircraft lost , the French lost thirteen hundred men and a battleship . Another five major ships were damaged or put out of action . The French now sank four US troop - carriers , 150 landing - craft and killed 174 US servicemen . The French themselves lost 462 men , a cruiser , four destroyers and five submarines , together with a huge list of ships , submarines , aircraft and shore guns damaged . But , those eight days fighting gave the Germans time to bring U - boats to bear , causing significant further losses before the landings could be completed . The Fallschirmjäger were coming to North Africa to put things right . Their reception at first seemed strange . The Moroccan troops had surrendered to the Allies at the first opportunity , but the Fallschirmjäger were now being greeted in Algeria as liberators , honoured guests and friends of the Arab people . Then it all became clear . French - Algeria and French - Morocco were exactly that … French . Fiercely independent , the Arab tribesmen cheered when they saw their colonial masters being ousted by the Germans … and by Americans , either would do . In Italian administered Libya , the colonial Italians too greeted the Germans with open arms . Rudolf Witzig , the paratroopers ' commanding officer would later be given an automobile by a wealthy Italian , told that it could be returned when hostilities ceased … assuming that everyone and the car still existed . History doesn 't relate whether that promise was kept … probably not , the odds were against it . Tunisia was the key to the Allies taking the whole of North Africa . It was itself perilously close to Sicily , and Sicily in turn was only seven miles from Italy . The Allied invaders couldn 't be allowed to take Tunisia . Rommel was out there somewhere to the east , with his Afrika Korp , but he was a very long way off . If and when things went wrong they could go wrong on an enormous scale . The fronts had been advancing and retreating thousands of kilometers . North Africa had become the ideal place for the war to continue once stalemate had been arrived at in Europe . Kesselring viewed Tunisia as his route into North Africa for his reinforcements and as a launch point for offensive actions . He also knew that while he held Tunisia he had a way to extract Rommel and the Afrika Korp to Sicily . It was the fate of their comrades in the Fallschirmjäger Ramcke Paratrooper Brigade with Rommel that concerned Harald and Gott . By the time Gott arrived , newly promoted to Feldwebel , Rommel was in retreat across Libya . To call it a retreat suggested a degree of organisation . In fact they were on the run and would not stop . He would lose over 25 , 000 men as prisoners to Montgomery 's British army following the Second Battle of El Alamein . Rudolf Witzig , Harald 's Battalion Commander had been hospitalised with wounds and had missed the departure from Italy for Libya … He now arrived and took charge , driving the white luxury car that the wealthy Italian had entrusted to him and wearing a soft forage cap . He was not a man to hide under a steel helmet , and his men adored him . Kesselring , who had the task of sorting the mess , brought to bear a force of parachute troops . They were the remainder of the Fallschirmjäger , those who had not been sent with Ramcke to reinforce Rommel . Those in Tunis itself were a mix but they were experienced and their commander Colonel Walter Koch was a veteran of both Eben Emael and Crete . He now had five battalions of Luftwaffe ground troops of various sorts . The Italians had also sent five battalions across , but despite this the Allies heavily outnumbered them . Gott was there from the start and watched the establishment of order from chaos . Sorting the men out took time . They were as subject to the old military principle of hurry , hurry , wait , as any other army group in wartime . Gott was not particularly concerned about waiting . He was busy learning Arabic . Everyone needs a skill , and everyone needs a hobby . It 's a lucky man who can combine the two and even luckier if they are exactly what his masters want him to do . He had made himself the battalion 's main contact with the Arab street traders . He had progressed well beyond please and thank you and how much is that ? He was now holding serious conversations with the villagers and towns - people . The time had come to immerse himself in the midst of the local life . It would be interesting to see if he could be accepted as just another man . It was Saturday night and Gott was bored . Perhaps tonight was the night he had been waiting and preparing for . Most of his companions were going in to town . They would get drunk first , in camp where alcohol was easier to find and cheaper . The French had created a market for alcohol in this Muslim nation , but as with all essentially forbidden treats it was secretive and expensive . Perhaps the cities and ports were different , more European in outlook , but here in a small town it was easier and quicker … and cheaper to get drunk at the Führer 's expense . The men would stay in their slightly shame - faced groups , for safety . Although Algeria was now occupied and the French had been defeated by Germany , there were still many French settlers , supporters of General de Gaulle and his Free French … with scores to settle . Their government might not support them now , but one day the French Resistance would mobilize openly … and it would start in North Africa . The women had no great appeal for Gott . He had occasionally gone into town with his friends and admittedly , one mouth was much like another . If he was drunk enough he closed his eyes and thought of Gerhard . Tonight however , the idea of standing in line to await a few minutes with these , less than the cream of their trade … did not appeal . Actually , it wasn 't a camel , it was a mule that was driven by the boy who brought milk , but otherwise the men were right … He was indeed exceptionally beautiful . He had olive - skin and huge dark eyes with long eyelashes . He was more attractive than even the youngest of the prostitutes , and probably young enough to be the oldest one 's grandson ! But Fallschirmjäger NCO 's , even young ones … don 't consort with attractive young camel - drivers … even ones with a mule . Nor do they spend Saturday night under the stars with them . Gott was bored and frustrated . That was when he decided that it was time to chance his arm . After all , he was there to work on his ability with languages . Why not take advantage of the peace and goodwill , make the trip into the town , find what passed for a bar … and practice his Arabic ? At the least he would enjoy a good strong coffee or two , some barbecued lamb and who knows … . It was now a garrison town after all . Gott had yet to find a garrison town that didn 't have a few streets with shuttered rooms where men could meet , to talk and perhaps dance … He slipped quietly out of camp . The sentry saw him and saluted smartly . He had no reason to question Gott 's destination or intentions . Whatever the Feldwebel had decided to do … it was none of his business . He was there to keep beggars out … not to keep NCOs in . Out of sight of the camp . Gott took the small bundle from under his arm . The djellaba it contained had once been white . The normal dress of an Arab male it covered him down to his ankles … a simple Arab head - dress completed the transformation . He sat down to remove his socks and now his oldest work boots were simply the good fortune of a street - Arab who had come upon a dead soldier . The Fallschirmjäger favoured non - Aryan types , and Gott 's brown eyes and deep tan created quite a convincing Arab . Buying eggs and milk for some weeks , and questioning villagers to obtain intelligence about Allied movements had given him a more than basic grasp of the language … certainly enough to buy coffee and a meal without embarrassment , even perhaps without being discovered . How like his boyhood hero Lawrence that would be . As a boy , he had found a copy of the Englischer Lawrence 's Seven Pillars of Wisdom . He had been intrigued by the idea of going dressed as a native . Even with blue eyes , Lawrence had successfully moved among Arabs , dressed as one of them . The romance of the idea appealed to Gott . The walk into town took Gott all of twenty minutes . It was dark by the time he arrived . The sun had set , but later there would be a full moon . Gott was depending on it for finding his way back to the camp . He suspected that Algerian Arabs weren 't usually seen carrying electric torches . The owner of the shop greeted Gott with news that God was good and Gott assured him that he was indeed good . Religious niceties out of the way , he was ushered to a quiet table a little distant from the regulars who were playing some form of backgammon . Gott was pleased to be alone . As yet he had no idea of the rules of the game , and so he couldn 't risk being invited to play . That thought applied to more of the evening than just coffee and backgammon . The coffee was strong . He amused himself by trying to decide whether it was so thick that it supported the spoon . There was a wind - up gramophone inside the shop and the owner played a mix , everything from Arab - music to Lili Marlene . Gott was pleased with himself , this was already much better than queuing for the dubious delights of the ladies of the night , and the night was still young . The moon was just rising , perhaps casting a little light into the darker corners of the town . Gott smiled to himself . Sitting quietly , sipping the strongest coffee he had ever encountered and dipping his bread in oil that had escaped onto the plate , he was able to watch the interactions between regulars and passersby , at the tables near him , and at others across the street . Mostly the men he could see sat in sociable groups , but there were a few places where single men sat as he was , a little away from the others . After a while , he noticed an interesting variation in the pattern . Occasionally , a young man would walk by , greeting just the men who sat alone . They in turn assured the young man that God was indeed good … and mostly , the young man moved on . Then one came along who seemed slightly younger , the greetings took longer and seemed more genuine . When the man across the street had greeted the boy he gestured him to sit … a coffee and cake arrived and they chatted for a while . In the Arab style , the man took the boys hand and they sat companionably , hand in hand , chatting for ten minutes or so . Then they rose , the owner appeared , the reckoning was paid and the pair walked quietly away , towards … ? Who knows . After an hour or so . Gott was on his third cup of coffee and had consumed a quite delightful honey - based pastry . His head buzzed from the strong coffee and nodded from the weight of sugar in the pastry . He felt a trifle confused , which was probably because he had accepted the offer of a water - pipe , a hubble - bubble . The hashish now had him relaxed as well as buzzed and sleepy . Gott had decided already that his evening needed to end if he was going to be able to return to the camp and sleep with any semblance of dignity . So , the appearance of the boy was the excuse he needed . The boy walked his side of the street this time , and greeted Gott … Gott invited him to sit and offered him coffee , the boy accepted . Gott offered cake and the boy smiled , patted his stomach and declined gracefully . After five minutes of polite exchanges about how dry the wind from the south was , and how long it was since the last rain … the sorts of things that strangers intersperse into a companionable silence … the boy laid his hand on the table , perhaps invitingly . Gott , as naturally as if it happened every evening , moved his hand to greet it and took it gently in his . He squeezed very gently , and the boy squeezed back , confirming the guesses Gott had made . " Of course ! They are happy … The French masters are gone . " The boy replied . " You have helped them … the French and their legionnaires are gone . Of course you are welcome in our town . " They both laughed , and there was another round of squeezing of hands . Gott was glad of the trousers under the djellabah … He wondered how Arab men hid their excitement … at moments like this . The boy was indeed the beautiful young man who each day brought his donkey laden with milk and eggs . The soldiers gathered at the camp gate , mainly to buy his fresh produce . But , a few were there as Gott was , to admire the flawless beauty of his copper coloured skin , his flashing black eyes . He didn 't yet have a beard , just a slight hint of a moustache beginning . In camp , Gott had estimated his age as fifteen , perhaps sixteen . Authors deserve your feedback . It 's the only payment they get . If you go to the top of the page you will find the author 's name . Click that and you can email the author easily . Please take a few moments , if you liked the story , to say so . [ For those who use webmail , or whose regular email client opens when they want to use webmail instead : Please right click the author 's name . A menu will open in which you can copy the email address to paste into your webmail system ( Hotmail , Gmail , Yahoo etc ) . 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Hi everyone ! I 'm so excited to introduce you to my new romance , Return of the Chauffeur 's Son , an homage to a famous romantic movie and full of handsome billionaires , gorgeous heroes , great food , fine wine and hot sex . Be sure to enter in the Rafflecopter - and i hope you love my champagne cocktail of a book . But now Luca 's home , and his own powers of attraction are enough to make James question his dedicated heterosexuality and his promised marriage to a wealthy and powerful businesswoman . The obvious attraction between Luca and James spurs Dylan into action - but he 's fighting a huge secret . While Luca dreamed of James , Dylan dreamed of Luca . When Luca gets caught in the struggle between the brothers and gets accused of culinary espionage he 's ready to chuck the fairy tale - unable to even imagine Dylan 's power to make his dreams come true . across the grass , dressed in black jeans and a black long - sleeved T - shirt . He moves like a cat . " I 'm not sure I 've Tara Lain writes the Beautiful Boys of Romance in LGBT erotic romance novels that star her unique , charismatic heroes . Her first novel was published in January of 2011 and she 's now somewhere around book 32 . Her best - selling novels have garnered awards for Best Series , Best Contemporary Romance , Best Paranormal Romance , Best Ménage , Best LGBT Romance , Best Gay Characters , and Tara has been named Best Writer of the Year in the LRC Awards . In her other job , Tara owns an advertising and public relations firm . She often does workshops on both author promotion and writing craft . She lives with her soul - mate husband and her soul - mate dog near the sea in California where she sets a lot of her books . Passionate about diversity , justice , and new experiences , Tara says on her tombstone it will say " Yes " ! Victor Alexander - THE ALPHA KING - Prezzies ! By admintla | December 1 , 2014 - 5 : 18 AM | December 1 , 2014 blog tour , erotic romance , free books , gay romance , giveaways , LGBT romance , MM romance , prizes 4 Comments Hi All - Whew ! I 'm in the middle of my move and was lucky to get in Internet connection long enough to post a nibble from my friend Victor Alexander of his novel , THE ALPHA KING ! Be sure to enter on the Rafflecopter below . I 'm running back to UN - packing and wishing you all a great week ! . * hugs kisses * Author Bio : Vicktor " Vic " Alexander wrote his first story at the age of ten and hasn 't stopped writing since . He loves reading about anything and everything and is a proud member of the little known U . N . group ( Undercover Nerds ) because while he lives , eats , breathes , and sleeps sports , he also breathes history and science fiction and grew up a Trekkie . But don 't ask him about Dungeons & Dragons , because he has no idea how to play that game . When it comes to writing he loves everything from paranormal to contemporary to fantasy to historical and is known not only for being the Epilogue King but also for writing stories that cross lines and boundaries that he doesn 't know are there . Vic is a proud father of two daughters one of whom watches over him from Heaven with his deceased partner Christopher . Vic is a proud trans * and gay man , and when he is not writing , he is hanging out with his friends , or being distracted by videos of John Barrowman , Scott Hoying , and Shemar Moore . Vicktor has published numerous bestselling novels and has a WIP list that makes him exhausted just thinking about . He knows that he will be still be writing about hot men falling in love with each other , long after he is living in an assisted living facility , flirting with the hot , male nurses . Blurb : Centuries after the destruction of Earth , destiny is being fulfilled and plans are in motion to restore not only the Earth , but mankind , to its former glory . One family is fated to bring about this amazing destiny . One man puts it all in motion , the day he crashes on to the wolf - planet of Tumaro and met his mate . Talon Versuthion always knew that some kind of way , life was going to screw him over . His parents died when he was just a boy and he can 't remember a thing about them . He was adopted by a great family only to have them tell him that he is a Vermithian , one of the most despised humanoid species . Even worse than that ? He has no idea that a prophecy was made about his family , one that mentions that someone from the Versuthion family will bring back a pure human race . And there are people out there who will stop at nothing to make sure that never happens . No matter what . While on a delivery for the GPA with his adopted sister Josie , however , Tal 's space shuttle crashes onto Tumaro , the notorious wolf - shifter planet . Tal is lucky to be alive , though Josie can 't be found . He is desperate to find her , but destiny steps in and history is changed forever . Because the Alpha King of the planet , Blazell Roughshire , is Talon 's mate . And before the two men can even settle into their new relationship they must deal with conspiracy , murder , kidnapping and a centuries old plot to completely eradicate the human race . Will Blaze be able to keep his mate safe from those who would see him dead ? Is Tal truly the only one left from his family who can fulfill this centuries old prophecy ? And can Tal , who has made it a point to never fall in love with anyone , open his heart and let Blaze be Passion 's hero ? former . " He didn 't know how to respond about the man 's sister . He hadn 't heard anything about there being anyone else found at the crash . He would fully admit he was being rather selfish at the moment and only wanted to focus on his mate 's well - being and Talon 's sudden appearance in his life . Once they were fully bonded , Blazell would look into Talon 's missing sister . Blazell knew that made him an asshole , but , at the moment , he couldn 't bring himself and his wolf to feel ashamed . KISS MY ASH with Renee George ! Cover ! $ 25 Prize By admintla | November 25 , 2014 - 9 : 00 PM | November 25 , 2014 blog tour , erotic romance , giveaways , LGBT romance , prizes , Tara Lain 4 Comments Continuing our theme of sexy menages , today i get to unveil the cover from friend Renee George 's new book , KISS MY ASH ! I love the title and the cover and the book sounds yummy . Plus , you can WIN a $ 25 Gift Card on the Rafflecopter , so be sure to enter . Enjoy ! That 's Fortunate , Missouri , in a nutshell - the town for abnormal paranormals . Nymph Romy , however , can one - up them all - her particular flaw is killing her . But thanks to a possible love spell , the wolf and the water sprite could be Romy 's key to cheating death . And the three misfits may find that even imperfect creatures can still create a sexy , loving , perfect union . Inside Scoop : Sol , Romy and Lucien love each other - emotionally , spiritually and physically . Which means both ménage and male / male action . You lucky reader , you . Mathias was a korrigan , a fairy dwarf , and to his detriment , he 'd been born male . An abomination amongst the korrigans , who were always female . Even his own mother had wanted him dead , but you can 't kill an immortal . When he finally strolled out from behind the counter , his height no more than four feet , he held a red clay pot filled to the brim with a dark , loamy soil . Carefully , he handed it to Romy . " Here . " She stepped away . " And what the hell am I supposed to do with dirt ? " Maybe Mathias was tired of her bringing back dead plant after dead plant . It didn 't matter how much she watered the damn things , fed them , or even talked to them - none survived . She 'd stopped giving them names after a while , awash with guilt and shame over each death . His red eyes sparkled with excitement . " In this soil , there is a very special seed , my girl . Very rare and unique . I 'm entrusting you with its care . " " You 've got to be kidding me . There is no way in hell I 'm taking on a ' rare and unique ' plant . No . No . No . Give me a hardy shrub or weed . Better yet , maybe a cabbage . I won 't feel so bad about a cabbage when it croaks . " Romy was a dryad ; specifically , an ash tree nymph . Which meant , in theory , plants should flourish around her , but she couldn 't even keep her own tree alive . Her mother had postulated it had something to do with the sperm donor , aka Romy 's biological father , but the elder dryad had refused to say more on the subject . Tree nymphs were traditionally a love - ' em - and - leave - ' em race of females . They didn 't get involved with beings they considered no more than means to an end . Males born to tree nymphs always developed into the same race as the male halves of the couplings , while the females were always dryads . The moniker , over the years , had become a joke . The town had been named after the Fortunate Isles , also called the Isles of the Blessed , and had been used for more than two hundred years as a dumping ground for the " paranormally challenged " . Those who didn 't fit in with their own kind were sent to Fortunate to finish out their days . For immortals like Mathias , the end of days was a long - ass time . For Romy , well … without a tree to tend , she wouldn 't live another year , the chlorophyll drying in her veins . The plants were test subjects for her , to see if she could sustain life . So far , they 'd served only to help ease the ache of dying . But as far as tending plants and making them flourish , she failed constantly . It was one thing to kill a common houseplant , but a whole ' nother thing to be responsible for something " rare and unique " . Was Mathias crazy ? Romy shook her head again . " I can 't . Don 't you have an air plant or something ? Hell , those suckers don 't even require watering . " The owner of the legs and ass straightened , making him a foot taller than Romy . And oh goddess , did he have an upper body and face to go with the lower half - thickly muscled chest and broad shoulders crowned by a face with bow lips , a Roman nose and the brightest green eyes . All framed by messy , shiny black hair that fell about his shoulders . It was as if the gods had decided to create perfection . " What have you done now , Lucien ? " Mathias asked when he walked into the back . His presence was enough to break the harmony , and Romy snapped out of her new - guy - induced daze . " It 's a name . " He shrugged then leaned over again , which gave Romy another clear shot of his fabulous ass . When he stood once more , he held a small plant , cradling the roots carefully . He looked at Mathias . " I broke the pot , but the fern is fine . " " I 'm here ! " Sol Winter , who 'd been working for Mathias long before Romy had moved to Fortunate , stepped out from behind the last row of plants . He wore a baby - blue polo shirt that matched his light - blue eyes . It also complemented his tan , a deep golden bronze . Natural , according to him . Strange for an elf , but who was Romy to judge ? His long blond hair was pulled into a ponytail . He often wore it down and spilling over his shoulders , but generally had it tied back for work . Sol was taller than Lucien by several inches and a little broader . His smile brightened when he saw Romy . " Hey , you . " His mouth turned down in sympathy . " Kill another one ? " They 'd had a strange relationship ever since Romy had arrived in Fortunate , which generally involved spirited banter and sarcasm . Even when the conversation turned a little mean , Romy was still thankful for Sol . He was the closest thing she had to a friend . Even though she was certain Sol was gay , it didn 't stop her from having some wicked fantasies about him . After all , the man was hot - hot and knew how to dress . " Takes one to know one . " Mortified , she dropped the hose . " Oh no ! " She shook her head and stumbled forward . " What have I done ? " Not only was she a plant killer , apparently she was a man killer as well . Author Bio : Multi - published , best - selling author Renee George has been a factory worker , an army medic , a nurse , a website designer , a small press editor , an artist , and a teacher , but writing stories about sexy alpha men is the BEST job she 's ever had . When she turned thirty , she went back to college and earned her BA in creative writing . She has been married to the love of her life , a wonderful man who supports in every way , for over half her life ( and that is a VERY long time ! ) . She happily lives in a small , Midwest town with her husband , two needy dogs and a very independent cat . Anything else you want to know , just ask . She 'll give you all the nitty gritty dirt . The Merman and the Barbarian Pirate ! Prezzies ! By admintla | July 29 , 2014 - 9 : 00 PM | July 29 , 2014 blog tour , erotic romance , free books , gay romance , giveaways , LGBT romance , MM romance , prizes , Tara Lain 3 Comments Hi everyone - I 'm so happy to have my pal , Kay Berrisford , back on the blog . I think of Kay as one of my best author friends - even though we 've never met ! LOL . Kay lives across the pond - so one of these days . Meanwhile , can you think of anything more fun as a summer escpe than The Merman and the Barabarian Pirate ? Seriously . And Kay has a Rafflecopter for you down below so be sure to enter ! Take it away , Kay . - What type of guy is your dream man ? A sizzling fireman hero ? A buff supermodel ? Maybe you go for the sexy intellectual types - a genius scientist perhaps ? At the start of my m / m fantasy adventure , " The Merman and the Barbarian Pirate , " Raef the merman thinks he knows exactly the sort of lover he wants . He 's been raised on stories of merfolk falling in love at first sight then living happily ever after with rich , beautiful princes . He 's determined his own destiny should follow this path . When Raef spots Lord Haverford , a smoothly handsome lord living in a fairytale castle by the sea , he believes his dreams are about to come true . But … love is never as easy as the stories say . I must be a very cruel writer , because I had great fun dashing Raef 's hopes and dreams and teaching him a little lesson about life . Because it turns out handsome princes are not Raef 's " type " after all . He eventually loses his heart to a rough - looking tattooed pirate , who transpires to be the noblest hero Raef will ever meet . Of course , we all know it 's what is inside a person that counts , especially when it comes to happy - ever - afters . We 're told this from an early age , but it 's amazing how long it takes many of us to believe it . Raef 's coming - of - age experience reflects a process that so many of us go through , from pining after unattainable idols like pop and TV stars , to remembering the true value of friends and family and those people close to us . None of us , I hope , have had quite such a steep learning curve as Raef . Still , I hope you 'll join him on his quest for love - a tale of kidnap , murder , forgery , high seas adventure , and above all , romance . It 's quite a rollercoaster ride ! But Jon Kemp does not match what Raef knows about pirates , and the simple quest Raef anticipated turns out to be an epic journey . For while Jon might be a nobler man than Raef believed , he 's still a pirate . Love and loyalty are not on Jon 's agenda , and he certainly has no plans to love someone not entirely human … " That 's a sound plan . " Kemp placed the book on the table and came closer . " I can 't work you out at all , my lad . You 've still not told me what it is you do for Lord Haverford . You 're clearly neither a servant nor a so - called gentleman , and you 're no Navy man , that 's for sure . So what are you ? " Kemp jumped , clutching the handle of a cutlass at his side . Raef prayed Kemp wouldn 't strike , and gazed up at him , imploring . " I want to apologize for being unfriendly earlier . You , er , you 've been good to me , at least good for a pirate , and … " Raef 's attention slammed onto the formidable package at the front of Kemp 's breeches , and a ravenous hunger overtook him . He moistened his dry lips . Now he understood exactly why those young mer threw themselves at lords and princes . These cravings swamped even those he 'd harbored for Haverford . He was so desperate to see what lay beneath Kemp 's clothing , he 'd all but lay down his life for a peek . " Um , because … " With shaking hands , Raef reached for the silver buckle on Kemp 's belt . He didn 't know what he was doing , but some uncontrollable urge within him shouted this was right . Perhaps it was because he was unused to folk being dressed , because he needed Kemp naked . " Poseidon 's teeth . " Kemp seized his wrists and pushed him away so hard he tumbled backward . " I don 't think you really want this . " Kemp eased his glower , then took Raef 's hands and drew him up before leading him over to the bunk . He sat Raef down and settled close by . Their thighs almost brushed . " Is this what Lord Haverford makes you do for him ? Is that how you 've earned your crust ? " On gathering what he could of his fractured wits , Raef neither understood nor liked the melancholy in Kemp 's tone . After all , if Lord Haverford allowed him to give pleasure and be cherished , that would be a glorious thing . He shook his head , and a silky lock drooped across his brow . " No , he doesn 't make me . Nobody has ever made me do anything like that , in all my twenty - one years . Nobody has ever even asked . " He puffed his hair from where it tickled his nose , and the final confession slipped out before he could stop it . " I wish someone would . " Raef 's heartbeat seemed to stop , then it surged forward like rolling thunder . All he could feel was the gentle brush of Kemp 's mouth against his , kindling a wondrous and flourishing heat . Kemp lingered there a moment , offering a kiss of snowflake - light caresses . Then Raef felt Kemp 's tongue , hard and wet and tracing the seam of his lips . Raef parted them , inviting Kemp inside . Kemp thrust forward , plundering toward Raef 's depths , and pushed his hand up Raef 's thigh toward his achingly - hard loins . He hoped Kemp knew exactly what to do about that , though for now , the kiss incited rapture enough . Coarse beard scraped Raef 's smooth chin , grazing the skin , but he didn 't care . He hugged Kemp tight , gratefully enveloped in Kemp 's embrace . He scrubbed his tongue against Kemp 's , tasting spice , rum , and something uniquely , wonderfully him . Aidee Ladnier Sexy Sci - fi , THE BREAK - IN Plus Giveaway ! By admintla | July 7 , 2014 - 9 : 00 PM | July 7 , 2014 blog tour , erotic romance , free books , gay romance , giveaways , LGBT romance , MM romance , prizes , Tara Lain 26 Comments Hi everyone - If you 're here for the Equal Rights Blog Hop , please click HERE ! Now , welcome Aidee Ladnier , my fellow Dreamspinner Press author , on her first visit to the blog ! She has a new sexy , MM sci - fi called The Break - In and a great Rafflecopter giveaway ! I 'll let her tell you all about it . Thank you so much for inviting me to guest post , Tara ! I hope everyone will sign up for my rafflecopter giveaway . I 've got some really cool stuff to give away . It 's a trope in romance . You wait for the ONE , the only person who 's your destiny , the perfect lover that fits you just right . Of course , that doesn 't always happen . The one true love is a nice fantasy , but not that common in the real world . And yet , when I was little , that 's what I dreamed about . I bet you did , too . Waiting with regards to love is a curious thing . Psychologists are well aware that romantic love requires impatience as well as patience . When lovers first meet , it 's intense . Every minute spent with a lover is important . Every touch is a caress . During the first bloom of love , you want to get as close to that other person as humanly possible . Sexual tension and the need for intimacy are at its highest . That first meeting , first date , first day , is the one that you remember . It 's where those initial connections are made that mean love , sex , and intimacy in a relationship . Sexual desire is impatient ; your whole body is on fire . But that urgency can 't be maintained forever . As lust cools and romantic love deepens , patience comes into play . If the promise of real , solid , lasting love is within our grasp , then it 's something worth waiting for . If a lover is called away out of town or even out of the country , you might pine but you wait for that lover to return . A temporary delay is just an obstacle to overcome . After all , love conquers all , even time and space . Blurb : Ten years ago , roboticist Forbes Pohle received a visit from time - traveler Oliver Lennox . " Wait for me , " Oliver said . Now a decade has come and gone , and Oliver has returned . However , Forbes never dreamed Oliver would reappear as the point man for a gang of technology thieves breaking into his lab . He finds the younger Oliver just as sexy and even more annoying ; still , he must convince him their happily - ever - after is meant to be - but he only has the time it takes his robotic cat Jeepers to thwart the thieves to do it . After waiting so long , he could lose everything in the span of seconds . Cross - dressing Witch ! Rebecca Cohen FOREVER HOLD HIS PEACE By admintla | June 29 , 2014 - 9 : 00 PM | June 29 , 2014 blog tour , erotic romance , free books , gay romance , giveaways , LGBT romance , MM romance , prizes , Tara Lain Comments Off on Cross - dressing Witch ! Rebecca Cohen FOREVER HOLD HIS PEACE Hi all - Now , please welcome back Rebecca Cohen with her new book in The Crofton Chronicles , FOREVER HOLD HIS PEACE . Rebecca is giving away a copy of the book , so please enter on the Rafflecopter . And read on , because every stop on the Tour has its own unique excerpt , so visit lots of stops to get an exciting view of this delicious new book . Blurb : Sebastian Hewel has never been happier . But his life playing the role of his twin sister Bronwyn , the wife of Anthony Redbourn , Earl of Crofton , is about to change . Rumors abound that Bronwyn is using witchcraft to enthrall her husband , and false evidence has been found . Practicing witchcraft is a crime that could have Bronwyn brought in for questioning by the sheriff , and that would reveal Sebastian and Anthony 's secret . Together they must decide whether it is time to lay Bronwyn to rest . Anthony intends to ensure that whoever implicated Bronwyn pays for the treacherous deed . Whatever happens , Sebastian and Anthony must prepare to face an unknown future together . " There are rumors about everyone at court . You would not believe the time people devote to talking about each other . And most of it should be forgotten , " said Manning . Manning put his tankard down . " No , well , not really . You caused a smattering of gossip when you threw Lady Florin out of Crofton Hall , and a few loose tongues have said Lady Crofton must have cast a spell on you to keep the wild Lord Crofton in check . " " Or possibly they 'd seen A Midsummer Night 's Dream once too often , " said Manning . " Listen to me , gentlemen . No one is pointing fingers . There are rumblings , but that is normal . If I were you , I would put it from your minds and forget them . " Author Bio : Rebecca Cohen is a Brit abroad . Having swapped the Thames for the Rhine , she has left London behind and now lives with her husband and baby son in Basel , Switzerland . She can often be found with a pen in one hand and a cup of Darjeeling in the other . Please welcome my friend , Renee George , who is bringing us The Dirty Martini ( CockTail # 4 ) . Are you intrigued ? Plus , you can win a $ 25 Amazon Gift Certificate ! So be sure to enter on the Rafflecopter . When bartender Chris Lawson gets unexpected bad news , he goes into shock . Even more shocking is when he wakes up , he 's in the arms of Marty Lincoln , an Army Ranger on leave from his post . Even in his grief , Chris feels instantly connected to the war ravaged vet . Only two problems : Marty is his boss 's younger brother . And even if that wasn 't an obstacle , the battle - hardened Ranger is straight . Or is he ? Excerpt : Driving up the highway , only a couple hours from his hometown , Chris allowed the surrealness of the situation to envelope him . Marty hadn 't said more than a few perfunctory words to him since they 'd stopped at Chris 's apartment to pick up his things for the two - day trip , and he 'd made a point of not making eye contact with Chris . The silence and distance lingered between them - a thick and heavy barrier . Did Marty already regret his decision to take Chris home ? They barely knew each other . They weren 't friends , and one night didn 't make them lovers . Chris pursed his lips , steeling his courage to give Marty an out . " About last night . It doesn 't have to mean anything . Just two people hanging out , hooking up . It 's not a big deal . " He snapped his mouth shut and swallowed hard . God , he sounded like a rambling imbecile . Marty 's white knuckles and seriously drawn brows indicated Chris was making things worse not better . " Look . One time doesn 't mean your gay or anything . I was sad . You were sad … or whatever . We helped each other . End of story . No reason to feel bad or guilty . It 's not like I 'm going to be heartbroken if you don 't want me . " Hearing his own words , the possible truth of them , hit Chris like a punch to the gut . " I hope that 's not why you 're taking me to my dad 's funeral . Because you feel guilty about what we did . " The car slowed . Marty flipped the right blinker . He pulled them over to the side of the highway , put the car in park , and turned his head until his gaze fell on Chris . Chris , who had some experience with the fight or flight reflex , was suddenly in flight mode . He should 've kept his mouth shut ! Marty looked like he was ready to beat the crap out him , and considering his ranger training , Chris had little chance against him . When Marty undid his seatbelt and turned his body to face the passenger seat , Chris pressed his back against the door . Marty leaned over the console between them until his face hovered inches from Chris 's . Chris tucked his chin and closed his eyes , bracing for the punch . His eyes fluttered open when he felt the unexpected warm press of Marty 's lips against his own . Not the punch he was expecting , but just as hard of a knockout . Marty 's eyes had softened at the edges , but he still looked angry when he pulled back . Author Bio : Multi - published , award - winning author Renee George has been a factory worker , an army medic , a nurse , a website designer , a small press editor , an artist , and a teacher , but writing stories about sexy alpha men is the BEST job she 's ever had . When she turned thirty , she went back to college and earned her BA in creative writing . She has been married to the love of her life , a wonderful man who supports in every way , for over half her life ( and that is a VERY long time ! ) . She happily lives in a small , Midwest town with her husband , two needy dogs and a very independent cat . Angel Martinez : FINN , Endangered Fae . Goodies 4 U ! By admintla | June 1 , 2014 - 9 : 00 PM | June 1 , 2014 erotic romance , free books , gay romance , giveaways , LGBT romance , MM romance , prizes , Tara Lain , Uncategorized 1 Comment Hi everyone . Thank you for joining me and my guest Andrew Grey for Big Backlist Weekend . The winners will be announced on the homepage of this site sometime Monday . Now , please welcome my friend , the amazing Angel Martinez , who is bringing us her new book , Finn , Endangered Fae . I love fae stories , so this one 's on my list . Keep reading . I 'll bet it 's on your 's too . Enter to win on the Rafflecopter below . When Diego rescues a naked man from the rail of the Brooklyn Bridge , he just wants to get the poor man out of traffic and to social services . He gets more than he bargained for when he discovers Finn is an ailing pooka , poisoned by the city 's pollution . To help him recover , Diego takes him to New Brunswick where Finn inadvertently wakes an ancient , evil spirit : the wendigo . While they struggle to find a way to destroy the wendigo before it can possess Diego or kill nearby innocents , Diego wrestles with his growing feelings for Finn . Kill the monster and navigate a relationship between a modern man and a centuries old pooka . Piece of cake . Diego fought down the little shiver of revulsion at the stench , stripped to his boxers , and stepped into the stall with him . He attacked the tangled mass of hair first , positioning Finn so his head hung back over the chair . No lice - a good sign . He might have been homeless , but he probably hadn 't lived on the streets too long . The nest of midnight snarls unwound under the caress of water and shampoo . If Finn stood , his hair would reach at least to the top curve of his butt . A strange blue - black iridescence shone in it , his natural coloring as far as Diego could tell rather than bottled special effects . The rest Diego washed with a loofah , shoving away modesty out of a need to get Finn to his rest . An ache lodged around his heart to see how malnutrition had ravaged what probably had been a lean - muscled frame . An athlete , perhaps , before he went off the deep end , an impression reinforced by the absence of almost all body hair . Waxed or electrolysis - denuded - only Finn 's crotch sported a black thatch of soft hair . Swimmer , perhaps . The Olympic competitors often shaved it all off for every small gain in streamlining . He turned off the water and tugged at Finn 's arm . " Come on . Let 's get you settled . You can 't sleep in the shower . " Finn staggered to his feet and Diego all but carried him to Mitch 's room . The spare room , he corrected himself . He usually kept the door closed so the stark , unfurnished space wasn 't glaring at him . He sat Finn down against the wall , brought him a pair of flannel pajamas , soft with age , and went out to the front closet to retrieve the air mattress and vacuum . Six boxes lay stacked against the wall ; all that remained of Mitch 's things . Diego ran a hand over one , and then shook his head against the temptation to open the top and look at its contents . When he returned , Finn hadn 't moved from where he sat , naked and dozing in a patch of sunlight . " You might want to put those on . " Diego toed the pajamas closer as he dragged the air mattress into place . When Finn 's only response was a long sigh , he added , " We need to get you warm . I don 't want to have to take you to Emergency . " With a puzzled frown , Finn unfolded the material and managed , after looking back and forth between the pajamas and Diego 's jeans a few times , to pull the bottoms on . His efforts with the top , though , were sabotaged when the vacuum roared to life . He startled and scuttled sideways , wide - eyed and panting . For a moment , Diego stared in blank surprise before he caught himself . At least the nature of Finn 's delusion was becoming clearer . He might even share his history later when he had the energy , perhaps some tragic story of an exiled prince . For now , Diego thought it best to play along . Diego sniffed above the glass , puzzled . New York City water , piped in from the mountains , was cleaner than most but it was treated . Chlorine . Fluoride . Maybe Finn had an allergy to one or the other . Bottled water produced a less violent reaction . Finn smelled it , nose crinkled , but he downed half the bottle in desperate gulps before Diego could take it back from him . Hydration , at least , wouldn 't be an issue . The hurdle of food remained . Starvation often did terrible things to the body 's ability to accept nourishment . Not the best time to offer a hamburger and fries . Diego decided he should start with the foods one was supposed to give sick kids : bananas , rice , applesauce and toast , minus the applesauce , since he didn 't have any . Finn wouldn 't touch the boiled - in - tap - water rice . He nibbled a corner of the toast and set it aside with murmured apologies . The banana completely stumped him . He turned it over and over in his hands and finally tried to bite through the skin . All right , so his reality doesn 't include New World fruit . Diego peeled the banana for him and handed it back . " You don 't eat the skin . Try the inside . " Diego could only watch anxiously , praying his guest wouldn 't choke , as the rest disappeared in three bites . With a contented sigh , Finn handed the peel back , gathered the covers into a circle in the center of the mattress , and curled into a tight ball inside his nest . By the time Diego brought an extra comforter to cover him , Finn was fast asleep . Louisa Bacio Brings HER WOLF MENAGE & a Wolf for You ! By admintla | March 23 , 2014 - 9 : 00 PM | March 23 , 2014 blog tour , erotic romance , free books , giveaways , prizes , Tara Lain 5 Comments Hi everyone ! Thank you for entering the Spring Fling Blog Hop ! I 'll be posting my winner later today ! Now please welcome my friend , Louisa Bacio , who is introducing you to her new release , Her Wolf Menage ! Be sure to enter on the Rafflecopter for a chance at her lovely wolf necklace plus GCs and books ! Here 's Louisa . Oh , what 's a she - wolf to do ? Well , have quite a bit of an adventure with some surprises along the way . But will it be all she expects ? Sometimes we learn that you can 't leave your past behind . The moment Jana steps into the French Quarter , Andre pursues the naïve beauty . An artist , he senses the hidden wolf beneath the surface , and her nature calls to him . It 's not until she leaves that long - time friend Dominick realizes what he wants . The two alpha weres must battle it out or learn to share to reach their happy ending . Please welcome my pal from across the pond , Kay Berrisford . As you know , Kay writes delicious fantasy MM , often with more than a touch of D / s or BDSM . Today , she 's bringing us her new story , BAD SLAVE and she 's giving away some fabulous prizes on the Rafflecopter below . This book sounds wonderful . Here 's Kay to introduce her hero . I 'm a sucker for reluctant heroes . You know the kind - they start off the story as the not - quite - good - guy , or as the unassuming shy sort who 'd never say boo to a goose . Then stuff happens . Boats sink , worlds collides , or maybe somebody they didn 't even realize they cared about gets ill . Only then do we learn our heroes ' true colors , when they make the choice not to walk away , to step up to the mark and do the right thing , and ( usually ) save the day . I love that kind of man or woman ( we mustn 't forget reluctant heroines ) . Movies and books are full of them . When I asked my friends to suggest their fave reluctant heroes , I got answers as contrasting as Tony Stark ( Iron Man ) and Bilbo Baggins ( The Hobbit ) . I 've written about a few reluctant heroes in my time too , notable my stag - shifter antihero , Herne the Hunter . None have come quite as reluctant as Jay , the hero of my new fantasy BDSM romance , Bad Slave . Jay has a glorious history . When his country was threatened by war he joined up to defend his family and home and was lauded for his achievements on the battlefield . But when we meet him , all Jay wants is forget the violence and do what he loves - looking after his library and teaching folk to read , which he quite rightly sees as just as important as soldiering . Will the world leave Jay in peace ? Of course not ! As the blurb describes , Jay 's love for his peaceful life and his honor as a man is about to be tested to the limit … Blurb : When the king commands former war hero Captain Jay Ghair to find him the perfect royal sex slave , Jay 's quiet new life as a librarian is shattered . Jay discovers the boy he 's looking for in Alix , a lowly miner and wannabe court scientist , whom Jay can 't help but secretly adore . However , teaching the rebellious Alix to be a docile slave is difficult . Alix will behave for just one man , and it isn 't the king . It 's Jay . Standing by while the king 's treatment of Alix becomes cruel is torturous for Jay . He longs to return to his library , yet he can 't bear to leave Alix , or his people , unprotected . To rescue Alix - and save the realm from the increasingly tyrannical king - Jay must confront the demons of his military past and take up the sword again . But his most important battle must be won through returning Alix 's love and learning to master this bad slave who submits only for him . Alix had been fishing for a light spanking but wasn 't going to complain . Jay swept to his depths , tasting and devouring him , and he surrendered beneath the hard , hot , and welcome intrusion of tongue . Jay tasted as potent as wine , the man 's oral attentions more powerful than another 's full - on fucking . Alix threw one arm above his head , his knuckles striking against the carved catalpa headboard . Of course , Jay wasn 't that kind of hero and hadn 't been for a long time . But with the man scraping to his tonsils , ravishing his mouth with bruising strength , Alix could dream . Jay dueled with him till he willingly surrendered , teeth grazing tender flesh . By the time the captain broke away , Alix 's mind had turned fuzzy with the need for air . He still conjured the resources to groan with desire . Jay captured his bottom lip , squeezing gently . He writhed , letting his leggings ride farther down till he could thrust his uncovered hard - on against Jay 's hip . In his captain 's gaze , he absorbed that perpetual glow of pain … and a glint of hope . Or better , could it be defiance ? Would Jay defy Lyam , defy the starlords , defy the world , and become the man Alix dreamed of ? He shut his eyes and resorted to fantasy , projecting his hankerings . He daren 't believe . Proud Member Say what ? admintla on RETURN OF THE CHAUFFEUR ' S SON by Tara Lain Released ! # Prizes # Sabrinaadmintla on Fantastic Sale and Special Gift for You from Tara Lain # Freebook # 30 % offBonnie Collins on Fantastic Sale and Special Gift for You from Tara Lain # Freebook # 30 % offadmintla on Fantastic Sale and Special Gift for You from Tara Lain # Freebook # 30 % offadmintla on RETURN OF THE CHAUFFEUR ' S SON by Tara Lain Released ! # Prizes # Sabrina Recent Posts 30 % OFF ALL # Dreamspinner Titles ! Grab FAST Balls & Beach Balls & Chauffeur 's Son ! # BookSale
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Last weekend flew to Washington , DC for an ACSI convention . Since I fly out of Salt Lake City these days instead of Chicago or Denver ( like the past 3 years ) I can NOT find a direct flight to anywhere . So , i had a layover in Denver . In fact , i extended my layover and got to spend 2 days in Littleton with my mother and my sister . It was wonderful . DC was great . Gosh , i 'm a little discouraged because I have had a really hard time at conventions this year . Not many responses , not nearly as many as we usually receive or that we desperately need . DC was a fun town . I got to take the Metro , which was a fun experience , navigating the underground of our nation 's capitol . I was surprised to find it a bit fun and exciting ! While i was there , i got to have dinner with a great friend and her husband ! ! It was amazing to see my sweet Maryn , and see her with her hubby as newly weds ! Definitely the highlight of my trip out there ! I got home around midnight on Tuesday night . Justin , Anna , and the boys got to SLC for Thanksgiving around 2 : 30 Wednesday afternoon . We had so much fun with them ! Our Thanksgiving spread was amazing . It was the first time i have actually hosted , planned , and cooked Thanksgiving dinner . Anna and I spent most of Thursday in the kitchen and it was fun to hang out together and cook with our boys in mind and gratitude in our hearts . Wonderful ! Friday we went SKIING ! ! ! My first trip downhill skiing in15 years , actually . And it was fun ! Landon and I took Diddles up and down the bunny slope and I was amazed at his ability . He just turned 5 2 weeks ago ! I was sad to see everyone leave yesterday morning . I spent the afternoon putting up Christmas decorations in our house and lights outside . Last night as we were driving home from Redbox , I was admiring all the Christmas lights on the houses in the neighborhood . I was excitedly anticipating my masterpiece , and as we drove into our driveway , i was so embarrassed i almost started to cry ! I have the most pathetic display of Christmas lights in the entire neighborhood . I will share pictures some day . I am relieved that I am not traveling for ACSI again until February . So , friends , I will be here more regularly . Thanks for continuing to read even though I have been on hiatus without warning off and on this fall . You are great ! Aquafresh iso - active foaming gel . We are die - hard Aquafresh brushers and have been for many years , so we thought we 'd try this funky new stuff . It is incredible . My teeth are squeaky clean ! Jon Schmidt 's CD . This man is an amazing pianist and a wonderful performer . I was very fortunate to see him live with a few girlfriends in September . He 's awesome . This CD features him playing piano , with some Cello and percussion accompaniment . Socks . I noticed that the last time we did laundry , there were lots of socks ! That means that fall is full - blown here ! No more Chaco 's for now - or no more Chaco 's without some thick fleece socks , at least . " In Christ Alone " is such an amazing song . I love singing it and I finally printed off the chords so i can pound it out on the piano . It 's amazing . ( this isn 't my favorite version - but at least this one allows me to imbed the whole song - the getty 's only let me imbed the first 30 seconds ) . Isn 't it beautiful ? " Here in the love of Christ I stand ! " Real Simple . I love this magazine . I cranked out some of last month 's recipes recently , which were a little quirky . We usually love the recipes and I really enjoy reading this mag every month . Full of wonderful ideas , encouraging stories , and great resources . Just got my December issue in the mail yesterday : ) Aveda Men exfoliating conditioner . Mom buys Landon and Janelle and I fancy shampoos each year for Christmas . She got these for Landon last year and i LOOOVe the way that Aveda products smell . Landon only uses the conditioner when he has long hair , which hasn 't been since before the summer , so I get to use it as much as I want - he says - so I have been . And i Looove the way my hair smells ! I 've been wanting to return to some posting - sorry for the week lapse . I just always feel like the first post after a lapse in posting should be something substantial or meaningful . But honestly , I don 't have anything like that right now . Something that I 've been struggling through lately are my feelings about wanting to return to Africa . Living in Kenya was difficult . What I saw in the people and the land there tore me to pieces . The people are betrayed in every way : by their government , by the missionaries , by their land , by each other , by G * * . . . . . . . The land is as neglected as the people . What was once a place where people could grow and thrive has become a place that is robbed and left barren . But the people , and the land , are strong and though struggling , pushing on - breathtakingly beautiful . I will never be the same , having experienced Kenya and her people . And when i think back on my time there , I wish so desperately to return to those there that I love . To return to a simpler life - everything , though much was heartbreaking , was so clear , so sure . Priorities were not difficult to sift through , stewarship was not hard to delegate . I miss the children . I am currently reading Melissa Fay Greene 's " There is No Me Without You " , which is the prompting of all my wishing and remembering and wondering about Africa . It is a remarkable story of an Ethiopian woman who answered the call of her community to shelter and care for AIDS orphans . And her story touches me deeply - not only in a way where i am inspired and feel warm and wonderful thinking of the good that she has done in the world . But it touches me deeply - opening and festering places in my heart that I have tried to ignore and forget - I have been touched deeply by a few dozen orphans . And somehow , their ministry in my life is beyond anything else I have experienced . Though I witnessed the suffering of a nation and I wondered to myself if God was even present in such a place , I saw him in those children . every . single . day . every . single . smile . every . single . tear . They are his . He is theirs . And I feel like some part of myself is lost being separated from these kids , being disconnected from their lives and their ministry . I miss them desperately . I want to kiss their cheeks and hold their hands and sing their songs and lift them high into the air and swing them around and love them again with my whole heart . I want to see their beautiful faces and hear their angelic voices and experience life with them again - with them the world is radiant and I am whole in it . but now i just can 't think of them . and for once in my life , i 'm not really in the mood to write anything . so . . . I was thinking about style the other day . What 's my style ? Eclectic ? I don 't really care all that much . Most of my clothes are still from high school - when Mom bought me enough clothes to last at least 10 years . Well , it 's been about 8 . So I guess my style is probably more late 90 's . Probably mostly just casual . More work - from - home convenient . But i was thinking to myself , if i could pull off ANY style that i wanted , what would i do ? I had a little fun thinking through this and browsing google images . Good movies . Good actor . I especially love Mystery , Alaska . Those movies that take place in beautiful mountains always make me want to just give in and get rid of everything except my sleeping bag and snow shoes and finally embrace the wild mountain woman inside of me that sometimes is really difficult to deafen . If you haven 't seen this movie , you really should . There is wonderful scenery , it 's hilarious , and heart warming in a Rudy sort of way . Here 's the trailer : My mother always had the most beautiful hair . When i was growing up , it was always very long , very thick , and very curly . Oh , and a beautiful red . You know , in the 80 's , long curly hair was the best a woman could do ( along with thick full bangs that made us each look 3 - 5 inches taller ) . Mom always had idealic hair throughout my childhood . When I was growing up , we loved doing each other 's hair . Mom always woke me early enough in the morning before school or church to do my hair . It was always perfect ( until soccer and kickball with the boys at recess ) . Mom taught me how to do a french braid and a fishtail braid on my barbie dolls . She bought me books so that i could learn other hairstyles . I loved doing hair . She worked evenings throughout my childhood and there were a few years where she would let me do her hair before she went to work . I liked our arrangement - doing each other 's hair . It made me feel really special . Another hair hobby that we shared during my childhood were " worms " . Mom would weave beautiful colors into my hair with beads . I felt so beautiful with these long exciting " worms " in my hair ( that 's what she called them - why is that ? ) . Hers were always really long , and she wore them forever . Until they fell out on their own . One evening this last month as i was watching a movie , i thought to myself , " worm " . it took me about an hour to construct this hemp worm in my hair . It reminds me of my mom . And it makes me feel cool - just like it did when i was a kid . We drove into a canyon tucked into the mountains behind a rural community and monastery . Driving deep into the canyon , we commented on how beautiful this place can be even when the only color we see is brown - the different shades of brown make it such an incredible landscape . We parked outside of an iron gate that was closed . I guess there is a camp there , but we saw no sign of residence . The only indicator of human life outside of us was the Jeep that we parked beside . Landon hid our keys under a rock on the hillside and we crossed the bridge over the river and began our hike deeper into the canyon , through the almost barren trees . Landon commented on the forest . It was dense and deciduous - something we haven 't seen since Illinois . And we liked it . We could tell that the trail had been traveled on . We didn 't see any footsteps , but the fallen leaves were a little dirtied and there was horse manure every once in awhile . Although , everything was very quiet . The trail was very muddy in the parts where the sun was able to touch the ground , and completely frozen in the parts that were shaded . We should have been hiking beside a stream . But we didn 't see it or hear it . We kept walking . Farther into the canyon , beyond hearing and seeing the road , beyond hearing and sight of the camp itself . Deeper into the canyon . We still hadn 't seen anyone or heard people at all . Though i was keeping my eye out for others - there was that Jeep . . . As our trail started turning and tucked deeper into the trees , i saw Duvick rolling in the dirt on the trail beneath a tree . We ran to see what kind of mischief he was in ( we know from experience that a dog rolling in the dirt means one of three things : poop , vomit , or dead things ) . It was a tiny deer carcass . The pieces were strewn all over . It was mostly bones by now . The body was Duvick 's rolling place , the head further down the trail , the leg bones and fur were strewn about . I couldn 't believe we had encountered a carcass actually ON the trail . Lion , I thought . I tried to remember the lions we saw in Africa . I remembered them hunting , remembered them stalking their prey . Tried to decide how to keep any lions away . But i know that mountain lions are different . They are solitary . I wouldn 't know if a lion was stalking us until it was upon us . We continued deeper into the canyon . I love to try to identify the trees , the flowers , the rocks , and the animal scat . so i tried to concentrate on the smell of the dead and rotting leaves beneath my feet , and the tree branches overhead . What a beautiful world . I came upon what i thought was animal scat . I knew it couldn 't be dog or human because it was very furry . After a short analysis of it , we discovered that it wasn 't scat at all , but a piece of an animal . Just up the trail we came upon our second carcass . This one was fresh . It was missing the meat , the guts , but the entire thing was intact , minus a few limbs , and it was still covered in fur . This carcass was similar to the last . It was similar in size , also a deer , and left to rot right on the trail . At this point I was starting to feel uncomfortable . We continued walking and I looked for jagged stones that i could carry in my hand . i found two that were pointed , thinking that if anything jumped on me , i could jab these rocks into them . To avoid that possibility , i started banging the rocks together periodically as we walked , hoping the loud clacking would echo through the canyon and scare any beasts away . I then started thinking that maybe there was something worse in this forest . This was the morning after Halloween , after all , and I wondered about any ceremonial or ritualistic sacrifices that could have taken place here . I was hoping that we wouldn 't find the owners of the Jeep . Our trail intercepted a stream and we sat down so Duvick could have a drink . We took our Nalgenes out of our pack to hydrate . I wasn 't too thirsty , though . I was distracted by the forest . I remembered from our time in Africa that the best place for the predator to get the prey is at the water hole , and this was the first sign of water we had seen all day . So I smacked my stones together and searched the trees and the surrounding mountain sides . I listened carefully for movement . I heard nothing . " I 'm a little scared , " I said . I was trying to master my fear , though . Landon tells me that I need to learn to control my fear ( he mostly says this to me when we 're rock climbing and I 'm near tears when i know i need to make a scary move ) . I didn 't want fear to ruin my day , or his . So I shrugged , " . . . I just wanted you to know " . So far Landon hadn 't asked me about the stones I was carrying , and I was too embarrassed to tell him that I was keeping the lions ( or whatever else may be in the woods ) away . ha . crazy woman . Soon after the trail turned from the stream , I saw Duvick sniffing and licking something beneath a tree . As I approached the dog , my heart started racing at what i saw . Unlike anything i had ever seen before : a gigantic dead carcass . The rib cage was giant . The jaw bone , disconnected from the skull , was as big as my forearm . The femur was long and thick . The skull was covered in a thick fur . a moose , i thought to myself , or a horse . I wanted to keep moving . I didn 't want to stand there . I didn 't even want to get close to it . I wanted to leave , NOW . We continue into the woods . I think if i would have been standing still , I would have been physically shaking . My mind was racing , trying to find an explanation for the huge dead creature . Not a lion , nor a bear would do this . Something larger had to do it . Like a man . And as I have been reading New Moon lately , of course i imagined that possibly a vampire might have done this . I liked the idea of someone from the Cullen clan being responsible for the carcasses MUCH more than the idea of some gang of satanists sacrificing animals in some ritualistic pagan worship . But i don 't believe in vampires . . . So that leaves . . . . . I started hitting the rocks together much more often . It soothed me a bit , to be making a loud noise in the quiet and still forest . It made me feel like we had a presence here . We were not prey that could be easily stalked and captured . Landon saw the desperation in my eyes . He laughed and complied . He thinks it 's funny when i 'm scared . Well , only when i 'm scared for no good reason ( in his opinion ) . Like during tornado warnings , when i 'm cowering in the hall closet with the flashlight on . That 's funny . When our car stalls in the middle of Banana Hill at night - when we were advised not to drive at night through the African villages , and then the people start approaching our car and pushing it backwards down the street , Landon doesn 't laugh at my fright . That 's not funny . Our hike out was quick . We passed over the three carcasses again , stopped at the stream to get Duvick some water again , while i waited , antsy . I continued to click my rocks making me feel better : armed and annoying . and this year you can track your box by giving online ! What a fun and educational thing for your kids to do this year for Christmas . Landon and I enjoy putting together our boxes every year and we are so excited to see where they will be this year . I 'm never sure how to introduce them to you . I don 't want to give too much info in case some of you are crazy stockers . But because most all of you are my friends and family , i feel like you sort of have an idea of how the McBrayer family works , but it 's a little cloudy . I 'm pretty sure my little sister actually has created a family tree to keep things straight ! Landon has 4 brothers and 2 sisters , all of which are very happily married to wonderful people . And all of us ( that would be all FOURTEEN of us ) are within 8 years of age . Which makes for a lot of fun when we 're all together . But having 7 families all within baby - having years makes LOTS of babies ! We now have 4 nieces and 4 nephews , all currently under 5 years old . ( and remember , four of them were born within 6 months of each other in 2007 ? ) Amazing . This sweet baby boy is Kale Michael born Oct . 8 . Preston and LeeAnn came home from their year in New Zealand with a bun in the oven ! ! And he is finally here ! These squirmy McBrayers are Justin and Anna 's boys . They 've been in CO for a year now , so we have gotten to see them often ( does 3 - 4 times a year count as often ? ) Aeneas ( 2yrs ) and Patrick , who is having his 5th birthday in a couple of weeks ! but mostly , i regret un - reconciliation . I am non - confrontational to the extreme . This is something I 've learned about myself through my marriage . I remember when Landon and I were dating , very seldomely but occasionally he would call me up and say , " Sheels , I 've got a bone to pick with you . How ' bout dinner tonight ? " ( or something like that ) And so the rest of the day I will be completely distracted , near becoming physically sick while i wait for the bone - picking . And then over dinner , i can not eat a bite as we talk about something minor ( probably discussing something that i had previously said ) . We leave , hand in hand , conflict resolved : Doons with a weight off of his shoulders , and I , weak and exhausted from my a day of being completely worked up over anticipating the confrontation . I still am this way . We have learned that these kind of conversations do not happen over dinner - because i won 't be able to eat at all . And in general , i avoid confrontation completely . It 's exhausting . I 'm completely inarticulate and so emotional that i rarely can convey my ideas anyway . But i 'm working on it . The McBrayers have a term for someone like me : " stuffer " . In order to avoid the confrontation , I stuff everything that the " dumpers " would usually just deal with and leave refreshed and satisfied . I 'm a stuffer . Though the problem with stuffers is that there 's only enough room for that " stuff " . Eventually , in a moment of insanity and panick , the stuffer is bound to " dump " . And oh boy , does my husband know this all too well , to my dismay . If i tell you stories of my dumpage ( which are very few and far between - you know , i usually just stuff ) , you would probably laugh your head off . The problem with these moments where the stuffing overflows into dumping is that all the " stuffing " gushes out . So in these moments , i am completely incoherent , relaying things that were issues last month and two weeks ago and you always and you never , and . . . . . I pity Landon when this happens . He can make no sense of my hysterics , and we both feel confused and helpless . Okay , wait , i 'm not sure how I got to " stuffing " here . Well , back to regrets . My biggest regrets are losing relationships because I was not strong enough to persevere through the conflict . The longer I live , the more and more I realize that the greatest beauty and the greatest blessings in life are relationships . They are also sometimes the greatest challenge and source of the greatest pain . I wish that i wouldn 't have given up so easily on some of my relationships just because the confrontation and conflict resolution seemed too difficult and painful and long - lasting at the time . losing them really are my greatest regrets . Living in a state where the number of children per household is much larger than the national average , i thought to purchase twice the amount of Halloween candy than i usually do . I guess i probably spent $ 15 on candy ( and i think that 's A LOT - maybe i just don 't really know ) . At the end of the night we had 2 ( TWO ! ! ! ) groups of trick - or - treaters . And the first was sent to my house by their sweet mother who is my friend , delivering yummy pumpkin cookies for us . Since they were our only kids all night , i told them to take whatever they wanted . They took all of our candy except the tootsie rolls . They left those behind for us . Tootsie 's are my most favorite candy , so i was pleased . I 'm doing a re - read of New Moon in preparation to see the movie in a few weeks . My sister downloaded the audio book on my ipod while i was home this summer , so I 'm about 300 pages into it and i 've only actually read about 40 pages . It 's great to get to listen to the book while i 'm traveling through airports and on airplanes during this busy convention season . Can 't wait for the movie to get in theatres . It 's so fun . I will definitely contribute an entire post to this . But I am so excited to have two new baby McBrayers in the family in the last few weeks ! AND two more McBrayers on the way . Not to mention that 4 of my friends are pregnant . Wow ! Babies , babies , babies ! Just love ' em ! It 's been really fun to meet people at ACSI Conventions . This is my fourth year going to conventions , and it is so fun to reconnect with people I have seen in past years . This last week i had my booth smack dab between two amazing men who started their own ministries and God was using them mightily to make a huge difference in the lives of many people . And i was so humbled and blessed to be next to them and hear their stories . They blessed me a lot . Though my favorite thing about conventions this year is meeting sponsors ! I sent an invitation to people who sponsor our students that live in proximity to our convention location . i have been SO BLESSED to meet and hug and chat with our devoted sponsors . It 's such a treat to put faces with names and finally get to thank them personally . I am amazed by their generosity and dedication and am so humbled and grateful to know them !
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Last weekend flew to Washington , DC for an ACSI convention . Since I fly out of Salt Lake City these days instead of Chicago or Denver ( like the past 3 years ) I can NOT find a direct flight to anywhere . So , i had a layover in Denver . In fact , i extended my layover and got to spend 2 days in Littleton with my mother and my sister . It was wonderful . DC was great . Gosh , i 'm a little discouraged because I have had a really hard time at conventions this year . Not many responses , not nearly as many as we usually receive or that we desperately need . DC was a fun town . I got to take the Metro , which was a fun experience , navigating the underground of our nation 's capitol . I was surprised to find it a bit fun and exciting ! While i was there , i got to have dinner with a great friend and her husband ! ! It was amazing to see my sweet Maryn , and see her with her hubby as newly weds ! Definitely the highlight of my trip out there ! I got home around midnight on Tuesday night . Justin , Anna , and the boys got to SLC for Thanksgiving around 2 : 30 Wednesday afternoon . We had so much fun with them ! Our Thanksgiving spread was amazing . It was the first time i have actually hosted , planned , and cooked Thanksgiving dinner . Anna and I spent most of Thursday in the kitchen and it was fun to hang out together and cook with our boys in mind and gratitude in our hearts . Wonderful ! Friday we went SKIING ! ! ! My first trip downhill skiing in15 years , actually . And it was fun ! Landon and I took Diddles up and down the bunny slope and I was amazed at his ability . He just turned 5 2 weeks ago ! I was sad to see everyone leave yesterday morning . I spent the afternoon putting up Christmas decorations in our house and lights outside . Last night as we were driving home from Redbox , I was admiring all the Christmas lights on the houses in the neighborhood . I was excitedly anticipating my masterpiece , and as we drove into our driveway , i was so embarrassed i almost started to cry ! I have the most pathetic display of Christmas lights in the entire neighborhood . I will share pictures some day . I am relieved that I am not traveling for ACSI again until February . So , friends , I will be here more regularly . Thanks for continuing to read even though I have been on hiatus without warning off and on this fall . You are great ! Aquafresh iso - active foaming gel . We are die - hard Aquafresh brushers and have been for many years , so we thought we 'd try this funky new stuff . It is incredible . My teeth are squeaky clean ! Jon Schmidt 's CD . This man is an amazing pianist and a wonderful performer . I was very fortunate to see him live with a few girlfriends in September . He 's awesome . This CD features him playing piano , with some Cello and percussion accompaniment . Socks . I noticed that the last time we did laundry , there were lots of socks ! That means that fall is full - blown here ! No more Chaco 's for now - or no more Chaco 's without some thick fleece socks , at least . " In Christ Alone " is such an amazing song . I love singing it and I finally printed off the chords so i can pound it out on the piano . It 's amazing . ( this isn 't my favorite version - but at least this one allows me to imbed the whole song - the getty 's only let me imbed the first 30 seconds ) . Isn 't it beautiful ? " Here in the love of Christ I stand ! " Real Simple . I love this magazine . I cranked out some of last month 's recipes recently , which were a little quirky . We usually love the recipes and I really enjoy reading this mag every month . Full of wonderful ideas , encouraging stories , and great resources . Just got my December issue in the mail yesterday : ) Aveda Men exfoliating conditioner . Mom buys Landon and Janelle and I fancy shampoos each year for Christmas . She got these for Landon last year and i LOOOVe the way that Aveda products smell . Landon only uses the conditioner when he has long hair , which hasn 't been since before the summer , so I get to use it as much as I want - he says - so I have been . And i Looove the way my hair smells ! I 've been wanting to return to some posting - sorry for the week lapse . I just always feel like the first post after a lapse in posting should be something substantial or meaningful . But honestly , I don 't have anything like that right now . Something that I 've been struggling through lately are my feelings about wanting to return to Africa . Living in Kenya was difficult . What I saw in the people and the land there tore me to pieces . The people are betrayed in every way : by their government , by the missionaries , by their land , by each other , by G * * . . . . . . . The land is as neglected as the people . What was once a place where people could grow and thrive has become a place that is robbed and left barren . But the people , and the land , are strong and though struggling , pushing on - breathtakingly beautiful . I will never be the same , having experienced Kenya and her people . And when i think back on my time there , I wish so desperately to return to those there that I love . To return to a simpler life - everything , though much was heartbreaking , was so clear , so sure . Priorities were not difficult to sift through , stewarship was not hard to delegate . I miss the children . I am currently reading Melissa Fay Greene 's " There is No Me Without You " , which is the prompting of all my wishing and remembering and wondering about Africa . It is a remarkable story of an Ethiopian woman who answered the call of her community to shelter and care for AIDS orphans . And her story touches me deeply - not only in a way where i am inspired and feel warm and wonderful thinking of the good that she has done in the world . But it touches me deeply - opening and festering places in my heart that I have tried to ignore and forget - I have been touched deeply by a few dozen orphans . And somehow , their ministry in my life is beyond anything else I have experienced . Though I witnessed the suffering of a nation and I wondered to myself if God was even present in such a place , I saw him in those children . every . single . day . every . single . smile . every . single . tear . They are his . He is theirs . And I feel like some part of myself is lost being separated from these kids , being disconnected from their lives and their ministry . I miss them desperately . I want to kiss their cheeks and hold their hands and sing their songs and lift them high into the air and swing them around and love them again with my whole heart . I want to see their beautiful faces and hear their angelic voices and experience life with them again - with them the world is radiant and I am whole in it . but now i just can 't think of them . and for once in my life , i 'm not really in the mood to write anything . so . . . I was thinking about style the other day . What 's my style ? Eclectic ? I don 't really care all that much . Most of my clothes are still from high school - when Mom bought me enough clothes to last at least 10 years . Well , it 's been about 8 . So I guess my style is probably more late 90 's . Probably mostly just casual . More work - from - home convenient . But i was thinking to myself , if i could pull off ANY style that i wanted , what would i do ? I had a little fun thinking through this and browsing google images . Good movies . Good actor . I especially love Mystery , Alaska . Those movies that take place in beautiful mountains always make me want to just give in and get rid of everything except my sleeping bag and snow shoes and finally embrace the wild mountain woman inside of me that sometimes is really difficult to deafen . If you haven 't seen this movie , you really should . There is wonderful scenery , it 's hilarious , and heart warming in a Rudy sort of way . Here 's the trailer : My mother always had the most beautiful hair . When i was growing up , it was always very long , very thick , and very curly . Oh , and a beautiful red . You know , in the 80 's , long curly hair was the best a woman could do ( along with thick full bangs that made us each look 3 - 5 inches taller ) . Mom always had idealic hair throughout my childhood . When I was growing up , we loved doing each other 's hair . Mom always woke me early enough in the morning before school or church to do my hair . It was always perfect ( until soccer and kickball with the boys at recess ) . Mom taught me how to do a french braid and a fishtail braid on my barbie dolls . She bought me books so that i could learn other hairstyles . I loved doing hair . She worked evenings throughout my childhood and there were a few years where she would let me do her hair before she went to work . I liked our arrangement - doing each other 's hair . It made me feel really special . Another hair hobby that we shared during my childhood were " worms " . Mom would weave beautiful colors into my hair with beads . I felt so beautiful with these long exciting " worms " in my hair ( that 's what she called them - why is that ? ) . Hers were always really long , and she wore them forever . Until they fell out on their own . One evening this last month as i was watching a movie , i thought to myself , " worm " . it took me about an hour to construct this hemp worm in my hair . It reminds me of my mom . And it makes me feel cool - just like it did when i was a kid . We drove into a canyon tucked into the mountains behind a rural community and monastery . Driving deep into the canyon , we commented on how beautiful this place can be even when the only color we see is brown - the different shades of brown make it such an incredible landscape . We parked outside of an iron gate that was closed . I guess there is a camp there , but we saw no sign of residence . The only indicator of human life outside of us was the Jeep that we parked beside . Landon hid our keys under a rock on the hillside and we crossed the bridge over the river and began our hike deeper into the canyon , through the almost barren trees . Landon commented on the forest . It was dense and deciduous - something we haven 't seen since Illinois . And we liked it . We could tell that the trail had been traveled on . We didn 't see any footsteps , but the fallen leaves were a little dirtied and there was horse manure every once in awhile . Although , everything was very quiet . The trail was very muddy in the parts where the sun was able to touch the ground , and completely frozen in the parts that were shaded . We should have been hiking beside a stream . But we didn 't see it or hear it . We kept walking . Farther into the canyon , beyond hearing and seeing the road , beyond hearing and sight of the camp itself . Deeper into the canyon . We still hadn 't seen anyone or heard people at all . Though i was keeping my eye out for others - there was that Jeep . . . As our trail started turning and tucked deeper into the trees , i saw Duvick rolling in the dirt on the trail beneath a tree . We ran to see what kind of mischief he was in ( we know from experience that a dog rolling in the dirt means one of three things : poop , vomit , or dead things ) . It was a tiny deer carcass . The pieces were strewn all over . It was mostly bones by now . The body was Duvick 's rolling place , the head further down the trail , the leg bones and fur were strewn about . I couldn 't believe we had encountered a carcass actually ON the trail . Lion , I thought . I tried to remember the lions we saw in Africa . I remembered them hunting , remembered them stalking their prey . Tried to decide how to keep any lions away . But i know that mountain lions are different . They are solitary . I wouldn 't know if a lion was stalking us until it was upon us . We continued deeper into the canyon . I love to try to identify the trees , the flowers , the rocks , and the animal scat . so i tried to concentrate on the smell of the dead and rotting leaves beneath my feet , and the tree branches overhead . What a beautiful world . I came upon what i thought was animal scat . I knew it couldn 't be dog or human because it was very furry . After a short analysis of it , we discovered that it wasn 't scat at all , but a piece of an animal . Just up the trail we came upon our second carcass . This one was fresh . It was missing the meat , the guts , but the entire thing was intact , minus a few limbs , and it was still covered in fur . This carcass was similar to the last . It was similar in size , also a deer , and left to rot right on the trail . At this point I was starting to feel uncomfortable . We continued walking and I looked for jagged stones that i could carry in my hand . i found two that were pointed , thinking that if anything jumped on me , i could jab these rocks into them . To avoid that possibility , i started banging the rocks together periodically as we walked , hoping the loud clacking would echo through the canyon and scare any beasts away . I then started thinking that maybe there was something worse in this forest . This was the morning after Halloween , after all , and I wondered about any ceremonial or ritualistic sacrifices that could have taken place here . I was hoping that we wouldn 't find the owners of the Jeep . Our trail intercepted a stream and we sat down so Duvick could have a drink . We took our Nalgenes out of our pack to hydrate . I wasn 't too thirsty , though . I was distracted by the forest . I remembered from our time in Africa that the best place for the predator to get the prey is at the water hole , and this was the first sign of water we had seen all day . So I smacked my stones together and searched the trees and the surrounding mountain sides . I listened carefully for movement . I heard nothing . " I 'm a little scared , " I said . I was trying to master my fear , though . Landon tells me that I need to learn to control my fear ( he mostly says this to me when we 're rock climbing and I 'm near tears when i know i need to make a scary move ) . I didn 't want fear to ruin my day , or his . So I shrugged , " . . . I just wanted you to know " . So far Landon hadn 't asked me about the stones I was carrying , and I was too embarrassed to tell him that I was keeping the lions ( or whatever else may be in the woods ) away . ha . crazy woman . Soon after the trail turned from the stream , I saw Duvick sniffing and licking something beneath a tree . As I approached the dog , my heart started racing at what i saw . Unlike anything i had ever seen before : a gigantic dead carcass . The rib cage was giant . The jaw bone , disconnected from the skull , was as big as my forearm . The femur was long and thick . The skull was covered in a thick fur . a moose , i thought to myself , or a horse . I wanted to keep moving . I didn 't want to stand there . I didn 't even want to get close to it . I wanted to leave , NOW . We continue into the woods . I think if i would have been standing still , I would have been physically shaking . My mind was racing , trying to find an explanation for the huge dead creature . Not a lion , nor a bear would do this . Something larger had to do it . Like a man . And as I have been reading New Moon lately , of course i imagined that possibly a vampire might have done this . I liked the idea of someone from the Cullen clan being responsible for the carcasses MUCH more than the idea of some gang of satanists sacrificing animals in some ritualistic pagan worship . But i don 't believe in vampires . . . So that leaves . . . . . I started hitting the rocks together much more often . It soothed me a bit , to be making a loud noise in the quiet and still forest . It made me feel like we had a presence here . We were not prey that could be easily stalked and captured . Landon saw the desperation in my eyes . He laughed and complied . He thinks it 's funny when i 'm scared . Well , only when i 'm scared for no good reason ( in his opinion ) . Like during tornado warnings , when i 'm cowering in the hall closet with the flashlight on . That 's funny . When our car stalls in the middle of Banana Hill at night - when we were advised not to drive at night through the African villages , and then the people start approaching our car and pushing it backwards down the street , Landon doesn 't laugh at my fright . That 's not funny . Our hike out was quick . We passed over the three carcasses again , stopped at the stream to get Duvick some water again , while i waited , antsy . I continued to click my rocks making me feel better : armed and annoying . and this year you can track your box by giving online ! What a fun and educational thing for your kids to do this year for Christmas . Landon and I enjoy putting together our boxes every year and we are so excited to see where they will be this year . I 'm never sure how to introduce them to you . I don 't want to give too much info in case some of you are crazy stockers . But because most all of you are my friends and family , i feel like you sort of have an idea of how the McBrayer family works , but it 's a little cloudy . I 'm pretty sure my little sister actually has created a family tree to keep things straight ! Landon has 4 brothers and 2 sisters , all of which are very happily married to wonderful people . And all of us ( that would be all FOURTEEN of us ) are within 8 years of age . Which makes for a lot of fun when we 're all together . But having 7 families all within baby - having years makes LOTS of babies ! We now have 4 nieces and 4 nephews , all currently under 5 years old . ( and remember , four of them were born within 6 months of each other in 2007 ? ) Amazing . This sweet baby boy is Kale Michael born Oct . 8 . Preston and LeeAnn came home from their year in New Zealand with a bun in the oven ! ! And he is finally here ! These squirmy McBrayers are Justin and Anna 's boys . They 've been in CO for a year now , so we have gotten to see them often ( does 3 - 4 times a year count as often ? ) Aeneas ( 2yrs ) and Patrick , who is having his 5th birthday in a couple of weeks ! but mostly , i regret un - reconciliation . I am non - confrontational to the extreme . This is something I 've learned about myself through my marriage . I remember when Landon and I were dating , very seldomely but occasionally he would call me up and say , " Sheels , I 've got a bone to pick with you . How ' bout dinner tonight ? " ( or something like that ) And so the rest of the day I will be completely distracted , near becoming physically sick while i wait for the bone - picking . And then over dinner , i can not eat a bite as we talk about something minor ( probably discussing something that i had previously said ) . We leave , hand in hand , conflict resolved : Doons with a weight off of his shoulders , and I , weak and exhausted from my a day of being completely worked up over anticipating the confrontation . I still am this way . We have learned that these kind of conversations do not happen over dinner - because i won 't be able to eat at all . And in general , i avoid confrontation completely . It 's exhausting . I 'm completely inarticulate and so emotional that i rarely can convey my ideas anyway . But i 'm working on it . The McBrayers have a term for someone like me : " stuffer " . In order to avoid the confrontation , I stuff everything that the " dumpers " would usually just deal with and leave refreshed and satisfied . I 'm a stuffer . Though the problem with stuffers is that there 's only enough room for that " stuff " . Eventually , in a moment of insanity and panick , the stuffer is bound to " dump " . And oh boy , does my husband know this all too well , to my dismay . If i tell you stories of my dumpage ( which are very few and far between - you know , i usually just stuff ) , you would probably laugh your head off . The problem with these moments where the stuffing overflows into dumping is that all the " stuffing " gushes out . So in these moments , i am completely incoherent , relaying things that were issues last month and two weeks ago and you always and you never , and . . . . . I pity Landon when this happens . He can make no sense of my hysterics , and we both feel confused and helpless . Okay , wait , i 'm not sure how I got to " stuffing " here . Well , back to regrets . My biggest regrets are losing relationships because I was not strong enough to persevere through the conflict . The longer I live , the more and more I realize that the greatest beauty and the greatest blessings in life are relationships . They are also sometimes the greatest challenge and source of the greatest pain . I wish that i wouldn 't have given up so easily on some of my relationships just because the confrontation and conflict resolution seemed too difficult and painful and long - lasting at the time . losing them really are my greatest regrets . Living in a state where the number of children per household is much larger than the national average , i thought to purchase twice the amount of Halloween candy than i usually do . I guess i probably spent $ 15 on candy ( and i think that 's A LOT - maybe i just don 't really know ) . At the end of the night we had 2 ( TWO ! ! ! ) groups of trick - or - treaters . And the first was sent to my house by their sweet mother who is my friend , delivering yummy pumpkin cookies for us . Since they were our only kids all night , i told them to take whatever they wanted . They took all of our candy except the tootsie rolls . They left those behind for us . Tootsie 's are my most favorite candy , so i was pleased . I 'm doing a re - read of New Moon in preparation to see the movie in a few weeks . My sister downloaded the audio book on my ipod while i was home this summer , so I 'm about 300 pages into it and i 've only actually read about 40 pages . It 's great to get to listen to the book while i 'm traveling through airports and on airplanes during this busy convention season . Can 't wait for the movie to get in theatres . It 's so fun . I will definitely contribute an entire post to this . But I am so excited to have two new baby McBrayers in the family in the last few weeks ! AND two more McBrayers on the way . Not to mention that 4 of my friends are pregnant . Wow ! Babies , babies , babies ! Just love ' em ! It 's been really fun to meet people at ACSI Conventions . This is my fourth year going to conventions , and it is so fun to reconnect with people I have seen in past years . This last week i had my booth smack dab between two amazing men who started their own ministries and God was using them mightily to make a huge difference in the lives of many people . And i was so humbled and blessed to be next to them and hear their stories . They blessed me a lot . Though my favorite thing about conventions this year is meeting sponsors ! I sent an invitation to people who sponsor our students that live in proximity to our convention location . i have been SO BLESSED to meet and hug and chat with our devoted sponsors . It 's such a treat to put faces with names and finally get to thank them personally . I am amazed by their generosity and dedication and am so humbled and grateful to know them !
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> Chapter 18 Chapter 18 Lord Dawlish stood in the doorway of the outhouse , holding the body of Eustace gingerly by the tail . It was a solemn moment . There was no room for doubt as to the completeness of the extinction of Lady Wetherby 's pet . Lord Dawlish did not answer . His whole mind was occupied at the moment with the contemplation of the fact that she had called him Bill . Then he realized that she had spoken three times and expected a reply . ' Would a burglar burgle the outhouse ? Rummy idea , rather , what ? Not much sense in it . I think it must have been a tramp . I expect tramps are always popping about and nosing into all sorts of extraordinary places , you know . ' Bill looked about him . Everywhere was peace . No sinister sounds competed with the croaking of the tree frogs . No alien figures infested the landscape . The only alien figure , that of Mr Pickering , was wedged into a bush , invisible to the naked eye . ' I say , ' advised Bill , ' I shouldn 't call him " it , " don 't you know . It sort of rubs it in . Why not " him " ? I suppose we had better bury him . Have you a spade anywhere handy ? ' ' It takes weeks to make a hole with anything else , you know , ' he said . ' When I was a kid a friend of mine bet me I wouldn 't dig my way through to China with a pocket knife . It was an awful frost . I tried for a couple of days , and broke the knife and didn 't get anywhere near China . ' He laid the remains on the grass and surveyed them meditatively . ' This is what fellows always run up against in the detective novels - - What to Do With the Body . They manage the murder part of it all right , and then stub their toes on the body problem . ' ' How about leaving him on Lady Wetherby 's doorstep ? See what I mean - - let them take him in with the morning milk ? Or , if you would rather ring the bell and go away , and - - you don 't think much of it ? ' ' Besides , I 'm not going to be left alone to - night until I can jump into my little white bed and pull the clothes over my head . I 'm scared , I 'm just boneless with fright . And I wouldn 't go anywhere near Lady Wetherby 's doorstep with it . ' ' Well , the only other thing I can think of is to take him into the woods and leave him there . It 's a pity we can 't let Lady Wetherby know where he is ; she seems rather keen on him . But I suppose the main point is to get rid of him . ' ' I know how we can do both . That 's a good idea of yours about the woods . They are part of Lady Wetherby 's property . I used to wander about there in the spring when the house was empty . There 's a sort of shack in the middle of them . I shouldn 't think anybody ever went there - - it 's a deserted sort of place . We could leave him there , and then - - well , we might write Lady Wetherby a letter or something . We could think out that part afterward . ' During the conversation just recorded Dudley Pickering had been keeping a watchful eye on Bill and Elizabeth from the interior of a bush . His was not the ideal position for espionage , for he was too far off to hear what they said , and the light was too dim to enable him to see what it was that Bill was holding . It looked to Mr Pickering like a sack or bag of some sort . As time went by he became convinced that it was a sack , limp and empty at present , but destined later to receive and bulge with what he believed was technically known as the swag . When the two objects of vigilance concluded their lengthy consultation , and moved off in the direction of Lady Wetherby 's woods , any doubts he may have had as to whether they were the criminals he had suspected them of being were dispersed . The whole thing worked out logically . The Man , having spied out the land in his two visits to Lady Wetherby 's house , was now about to break in . His accomplice would stand by with the sack . With a beating heart Mr Pickering gripped his revolver and moved round in the shadow of the shrubbery till he came to the gate , when he was just in time to see the guilty couple disappear into the woods . He followed them . He was glad to get on the move again . While he had been wedged into the bush , quite a lot of the bush had been wedged into him . Something sharp had pressed against the calf of his leg , and he had been pinched in a number of tender places . And he was convinced that one more of God 's unpleasant creatures had got down the back of his neck . Dudley Pickering moved through the wood as snakily as he could . Nature had shaped him more for stability than for snakiness , but he did his best . He tingled with the excitement of the chase , and endeavoured to creep through the undergrowth like one of those intelligent Indians of whom he had read so many years before in the pages of Mr Fenimore Cooper . In those days Dudley Pickering had not thought very highly of Fenimore Cooper , holding his work deficient in serious and scientific interest ; but now it seemed to him that there had been something in the man after all , and he resolved to get some of his books and go over them again . He wished he had read them more carefully at the time , for they doubtless contained much information and many hints which would have come in handy just now . He seemed , for example , to recall characters in them who had the knack of going through forests without letting a single twig crack beneath their feet . Probably the author had told how this was done . In his unenlightened state it was beyond Mr Pickering . The wood seemed carpeted with twigs . Whenever he stepped he trod on one , and whenever he trod on one it cracked beneath his feet . There were moments when he felt gloomily that he might just as well be firing a machine - gun . Bill , meanwhile , Elizabeth following close behind him , was ploughing his way onward . From time to time he would turn to administer some encouraging remark , for it had come home to him by now that encouraging remarks were what she needed very much in the present crisis of her affairs . She was showing him a new and hitherto unsuspected side of her character . The Elizabeth whom he had known - - the valiant , self - reliant Elizabeth - - had gone , leaving in her stead someone softer , more appealing , more approachable . It was this that was filling him with strange emotions as he led the way to their destination . He was becoming more and more conscious of a sense of being drawn very near to Elizabeth , of a desire to soothe , comfort , and protect her . It was as if to - night he had discovered the missing key to a puzzle or the missing element in some chemical combination . Like most big men , his mind was essentially a protective mind ; weakness drew out the best that was in him . And it was only to - night that Elizabeth had given any sign of having any weakness in her composition . That clear vision which had come to him on his long walk came again now , that vivid conviction that she was the only girl in the world for him . Bill had heard a noise too . It was impossible to be within a dozen yards of Mr Pickering , when on the trail , and not hear a noise . The suspicion that someone was following them did not come to him , for he was a man rather of common sense than of imagination , and common sense was asking him bluntly why the deuce anybody should want to tramp after them through a wood at that time of night . He caught the note of panic in Elizabeth 's voice , and was soothing her . ' If you leave me for an instant I shall die in agonies . ' She gulped . ' I never knew I was such a coward before . I 'm just a worm . ' Bill found that his heart had suddenly begun to beat with unaccustomed rapidity . The desire to soothe , comfort , and protect Elizabeth became the immediate ambition of his life . It was very dark where they stood . The moonlight , which fell in little patches round them , did not penetrate the thicket which they had entered . He could hardly see her . He was merely aware of her as a presence . An excellent idea occurred to him . Something small and soft slid gratefully into his palm , and there was silence for a space . Bill said nothing . Elizabeth said nothing . And Mr Pickering had stopped treading on twigs . The faintest of night breezes ruffled the tree - tops above them . The moonbeams filtered through the branches . He held her hand tightly . And then something happened - - something shattering , disintegrating . It was only a pheasant , but it sounded like the end of the world . It rose at their feet with a rattle that filled the universe , and for a moment all was black confusion . And when that moment had passed it became apparent to Bill that his arm was round Elizabeth , that she was sobbing helplessly , and that he was kissing her . Somebody was talking very rapidly in a low voice . There was something wonderful about the name , a sort of music . This was odd , because the name , as a name , was far from being a favourite of his . Until that moment childish associations had prejudiced him against it . It had been inextricably involved in his mind with an atmosphere of stuffy schoolrooms and general misery , for it had been his misfortune that his budding mind was constitutionally incapable of remembering who had been Queen of England at the time of the Spanish Armada - - a fact that had caused a good deal of friction with a rather sharp - tempered governess . But now it seemed the only possible name for a girl to have , the only label that could even remotely suggest those feminine charms which he found in this girl beside him . There was poetry in every syllable of it . It was like one of those deep chords which fill the hearer with vague yearnings for strange and beautiful things . He asked for nothing better than to stand here repeating it . That sounded good too . There was music in ' Bill ' when properly spoken . The reason why all the other Bills in the world had got the impression that it was a prosaic sort of name was that there was only one girl in existence capable of speaking it properly , and she was not for them . Bill was staggered . These were strange words . He had never thought much of himself . He had always looked on himself as rather a chump - - well - meaning , perhaps , but an awful ass . It seemed incredible that any one - - and Elizabeth of all people - - could look on him as splendid . And yet the very fact that she had said it gave it a plausible sort of sound . It shook his convictions . Splendid ! Was he ? By Jove , perhaps he was , what ? Rum idea , but it grew on a chap . Filled with a novel feeling of exaltation , he kissed Elizabeth eleven times in rapid succession . He felt devilish fit . He would have liked to run a mile or two and jump a few gates . He wished five or six starving beggars would come along ; it would be pleasant to give the poor blighters money . It was too much to expect at that time of night , of course , but it would be rather jolly if Jess Willard would roll up and try to pick a quarrel . He would show him something . He felt grand and strong and full of beans . What a ripping thing life was when you came to think of it . A sense of something incongruous jarred upon Bill . Something seemed to be interfering with the supreme romance of that golden moment . It baffled him at first . Then he realized that he was still holding Eustace by the tail . Dudley Pickering had watched these proceedings - - as well as the fact that it was extremely dark and that he was endeavouring to hide a portly form behind a slender bush would permit him - - with a sense of bewilderment . A comic artist drawing Mr Pickering at that moment would no doubt have placed above his head one of those large marks of interrogation which lend vigour and snap to modern comic art . Certainly such a mark of interrogation would have summed up his feelings exactly . Of what was taking place he had not the remotest notion . All he knew was that for some inexplicable reason his quarry had come to a halt and seemed to have settled down for an indefinite stay . Voices came to him in an indistinguishable murmur , intensely irritating to a conscientious tracker . One of Fenimore Cooper 's Indians - - notably Chingachgook , if , which seemed incredible , that was really the man 's name - - would have crept up without a sound and heard what was being said and got in on the ground floor of whatever plot was being hatched . But experience had taught Mr Pickering that , superior as he was to Chingachgook and his friends in many ways , as a creeper he was not in their class . He weighed thirty or forty pounds more than a first - class creeper should . Besides , creeping is like golf . You can 't take it up in the middle forties and expect to compete with those who have been at it from infancy . He had resigned himself to an all - night vigil behind the bush , when to his great delight he perceived that things had begun to move again . There was a rustling of feet in the undergrowth , and he could just see two indistinct forms making their way among the bushes . He came out of his hiding place and followed stealthily , or as stealthily as the fact that he had not even taken a correspondence course in creeping allowed . And profiting by earlier mistakes , he did succeed in making far less noise than before . In place of his former somewhat elephantine method of progression he adopted a species of shuffle which had excellent results , for it enabled him to brush twigs away instead of stepping flatfootedly on them . The new method was slow , but it had no other disadvantages . Because it was slow , Mr Pickering was obliged to follow his prey almost entirely by ear . It was easy at first , for they seemed to be hurrying on regardless of noise . Then unexpectedly the sounds of their passage ceased . He halted . In his boyish way the first thing he thought was that it was an ambush . He had a vision of that large man suspecting his presence and lying in wait for him with a revolver . This was not a comforting thought . Of course , if a man is going to fire a revolver at you it makes little difference whether he is a giant or a pygmy , but Mr Pickering was in no frame of mind for nice reasoning . It was the thought of Bill 's physique which kept him standing there irresolute . What would Chingachgook - - assuming , for purposes of argument , that any sane godfather could really have given a helpless child a name like that - - have done ? He would , Mr Pickering considered , after giving the matter his earnest attention , have made a detour and outflanked the enemy . An excellent solution of the difficulty . Mr Pickering turned to the left and began to advance circuitously , with the result that , before he knew what he was doing , he came out into a clearing and understood the meaning of the sudden silence which had perplexed him . Footsteps made no sound on this mossy turf . He knew where he was now ; the clearing was familiar . This was where Lord Wetherby 's shack - studio stood ; and there it was , right in front of him , black and clear in the moonlight . And the two dark figures were going into it . Mr Pickering retreated into the shelter of the bushes and mused upon this thing . It seemed to him that for centuries he had been doing nothing but retreat into bushes for this purpose . His perplexity had returned . He could imagine no reason why burglars should want to visit Lord Wetherby 's studio . He had taken it for granted , when he had tracked them to the clearing , that they were on their way to the house , which was quite close to the shack , separated from it only by a thin belt of trees and a lawn . They had certainly gone in . He had seen them with his own eyes - - first the man , then very close behind him , apparently holding to his coat , the girl . But why ? Creep up and watch them ? Would Chingachgook have taken a risk like that ? Hardly , unless insured with some good company . Then what ? He was still undecided when he perceived the objects of his attention emerging . He backed a little farther into the bushes . They stood for an instant , listening apparently . The man no longer carried the sack . They exchanged a few inaudible words . Then they crossed the clearing and entered the wood a few yards to his right . He could hear the crackling of their footsteps diminishing in the direction of the road . A devouring curiosity seized upon Mr Pickering . He wanted , more than he had wanted almost anything before in his life , to find out what the dickens they had been up to in there . He listened . The footsteps were no longer audible . He ran across the clearing and into the shack . It was then that he discovered that he had no matches . This needless infliction , coming upon him at the crisis of an adventurous night , infuriated Mr Pickering . He swore softly . He groped round the walls for an electric - light switch , but the shack had no electric - light switch . When there was need to illuminate it an oil lamp performed the duty . This occurred to Mr Pickering after he had been round the place three times , and he ceased to grope for a switch and began to seek for a match - box . He was still seeking it when he was frozen in his tracks by the sound of footsteps , muffled but by their nearness audible , just outside the door . He pulled out his pistol , which he had replaced in his pocket , backed against the wall , and stood there prepared to sell his life dearly . One reads of desperate experiences ageing people in a single night . His present predicament aged Mr Pickering in a single minute . In the brief interval of time between the opening of the door and the moment when a voice outside began to speak he became a full thirty years older . His boyish ardour slipped from him , and he was once more the Dudley Pickering whom the world knew , the staid and respectable middle - aged man of affairs , who would have given a million dollars not to have got himself mixed up in this deplorable business . The effect on Lord Wetherby was remarkable . To hear some one clear his throat at the back of a dark room , where there should rightfully be no throat to be cleared , would cause even your man of stolid habit a passing thrill . The thing got right in among Lord Wetherby 's highly sensitive ganglions like an earthquake . He uttered a strangled cry , then dashed out and slammed the door behind him . ' It isn 't all right . What do you mean by hiding in the dark and popping out and barking at a man ? You made me bite my tongue . I 've never had such a shock in my life . ' Mr Pickering left his lair and came out into the open . Lord Wetherby was looking aggrieved , Lady Wetherby peacefully inquisitive . For the first time Mr Pickering discovered that Claire was present . She was standing behind Lady Wetherby with a floating white something over her head , looking very beautiful . There was a note in her voice which both puzzled and pained Mr Pickering , a note that seemed to suggest that she found herself in imperfect sympathy with him . Her expression deepened the suggestion . It was a cold expression , unfriendly , as if it was not so keen a pleasure to Claire to look at him as it should be for a girl to look at the man whom she is engaged to marry . He had noticed the same note in her voice and the same hostile look in her eye earlier in the evening . He had found her alone , reading a letter which , as the stamp on the envelope showed , had come from England . She had seemed so upset that he had asked her if it contained bad news , and she had replied in the negative with so much irritation that he had desisted from inquiries . But his own idea was that she had had bad news from home . Mr Pickering still clung to his early impression that her little brother Percy was consumptive , and he thought the child must have taken a turn for the worse . It was odd that she should have looked and spoken like that then , and it was odd that she should look and speak like that now . He had been vaguely disturbed then and he was vaguely disturbed now . He had the feeling that all was not well . ' From that bee - farm place where he 's living . He and that girl you spoke of went into these woods . I thought they were making for the house , but they went into the shack . ' ' By Jove ! ' There was apprehension in his voice , but mingled with it a certain pleased surprise . ' Perhaps they were after my picture . I 'll light the lamp . Good Lord , picture thieves - - Romneys - - missing Gainsboroughs - - ' His voice trailed off as he found the lamp and lit it . Relief and disappointment were nicely blended in his next words : ' No , it 's still there . ' Lady Wetherby rose to her feet , and pointed . Her face had lost its look of patient amusement . It was hard and set . She eyed Mr Pickering in a menacing way . Lady Wetherby 's good - tempered mouth , far from good - tempered now , curled in a devastating sneer . She was looking at him as Claire , in the old days when they had toured England together in road companies , had sometimes seen her look at recalcitrant landladies . The landladies , without exception , had wilted beneath that gaze , and Mr Pickering wilted now . ' You had a grudge against the poor brute for biting you . We find you hiding here with a pistol and a story about burglars which an infant couldn 't swallow . I suppose you thought that , if you planted the poor creature 's body here , it would be up to Algie to get rid of it , and that if he were found with it I should think that it was he who had killed the animal . ' ' But I didn 't ! I didn 't ! I didn 't ! I tell you I hadn 't the remotest notion the creature was there . ' Mr Pickering found that his accusers were ebbing away . Lady Wetherby had gone . Claire had gone . Only Lord Wetherby remained , looking at him like a pained groom . He dashed from the place and followed his hostess , speaking incoherently of burglars , outhouses , and misunderstandings . He even mentioned Chingachgook . But Lady Wetherby would not listen . Nobody would listen . ' Wouldn 't have thought it of you , Pickering , ' said Lord Wetherby . Mr Pickering found no words . ' Wouldn 't , honestly . Low trick ! ' It was Claire . She stood there , holding something towards him , something that glittered in the moonlight . Her voice was hard , and the expression on her face suggested that in her estimation he was a particularly low - grade worm , one of the submerged tenth of the worm world . She flung something on the ground before him - - a small , sparkling object . Then she swept away , his eyes following her , and was lost in the darkness of the trees . Mechanically Mr Pickering stooped to pick up what she had let fall . He recognized it now . It was her engagement ring .
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Today I am thrilled to welcome Kaylea Cross . She is a new author I have just discovered , and I love her writing . She also writes about military heroes , but from a detailed perspective I find rare in romantic suspense . You can tell she has studied many disciplines . Hope you will enjoy my new find as much as I have ! I personally like heroines that are smart and have a backbone . Though if they 're civilians who suddenly find themselves in harm 's way , they 'd better listen to the hero and do what he says without argument . I can 't stand it when a clueless heroine starts arguing with a seasoned soldier / operator in a dangerous situation about how things should be done . Hello ? He 's the expert - just do as you 're told ! Series ! I like it best when we get to meet a whole cast of characters and get to know them , so we really care about each of them throughout the entire story arc of the series . When it comes time for each character 's story , the reader will hopefully be that much more invested in the book . Hands down it has to be Luke Hutchinson , my former SEAL turned CIA contractor who features in my first romantic suspense series ( the hero of Absolution ) . He 's fifty years old and has gone through hell for his country , including sacrificing his family life in order to hunt down the monster he created early in his career . If anyone deserves a shot at happily ever after , it 's Luke . And he 's CRAZY sexy . For real . Gah ! I love him so much . I have to admit I haven 't started Absolution , but after reading Cover of Darkness , I had to go out and order it . I mean , Yum . I 'm going to say good boys , since most of my heroes have very strict moral compasses and high standards of conduct they hold themselves to . Their training and experience in the field mature them in a quick hurry as well . I have written a couple of heroes that have a bit of a bad boy persona , but they know when to stop and put on their game faces . Definitely good girls . They might have an attitude or be able to kick ass at any given moment , but they 're always good people . Not perfect , mind you . Nobody wants to read about a perfect character , since that 's boring , not to mention unrealistic . Each of my characters has to grow and change during their book , struggling to overcome some sort of fear or flaw . I think that makes them easier for readers to identify with . I did just finish a book with a sort of bad girl heroine ( Maya , from the Bagram Special Ops series ) , but she changes a lot during her story because she lets her defenses down once the hero earns her trust . Not an easy feat , I 'll tell you that much . But so satisfying in the end . You mean if we were both single and unspoken for ? * g * Oh , that 's so hard ! I immediately want to say Luke , but we wouldn 't be compatible for a lot of different reasons . So , I 'd have to go with either his son , Rayne ( from Out of Her League ) , a former Marine now SWAT officer , or Cam , the Air Force Pararescueman from Deadly Descent ( first Bagram Special Ops book ) . If you could go to a desert island with two companions , who would you bring ? What would you do there ? What would you bring if you could bring anything ? I love my husband , but he 's an accountant , so I doubt he 'd be much good to me on a desert island . ( Don 't tell him I said that ! ) I 'd want someone with survival training , and they 'd have to be both calm and decisive . Can I take a SEAL and a Pararescueman with me ? Aside from food and water , a GPS and a way to find a rescue ? I 'd want practical stuff like tools , shelter , etc . And a never ending supply of pen and paper to write with . I like being at home with my kids or writing , puttering in the garden , quilting , painting or reading . Though I do own a collection of Civil War weapons … ( And up here in Canada , owning any sort of gun is considered very weird if you 're not a hunter . So I 'm considered to be a very strange duck . ) Linda Howard 's All the Queen 's Men is my favorite romantic suspense book of all time . If you haven 't read it , do . I was inspired to write Cover of Darkness because of it . Shit , out of ammo again . She reloaded . Her gaze swept past the SEALs toward the Chinook . She cried out in relief when she saw Cam running flat out toward her . He moved like a blur , weapon firing . Still holding her weapon , she grabbed a fistful of his uniform as he levered her onto his shoulders . Amidst the whine and ping of the rounds landing around them , he ran for the Chinook . She kept firing in bursts toward the enemy , and stopped only when she felt the heavy rotor wash beating at her back . A howl of agony ripped from her throat as Cam flipped her off his shoulder and all but tossed her into the cabin . He moved away toward the cockpit . The inside of the bird was so crowded with bodies she couldn 't tell who was who . The pitch of the big engines changed , rising to a shrill scream as the bird struggled to take off . Fighting back the pain , she found Cam at last near the ramp and met his stare . The gunners were still firing from their positions . The bird shuddered and strained under the burden of all its passengers . Cam exchanged a long look with Jackson , then pushed his way over to her . She grabbed his upper arms and leaned forward to shout . " They need to throw some ammo and equipment out , or - " He surrounded her with his arms for a second before kissing her hard and pulling back . He shook her once , staring down intently at her . " I love you . " " Hang on to this for me , " he shouted . He yanked out the chain she 'd given him and put it in her stiff hand . Then he turned and disappeared down the tail ramp . She threw out a hand to grab him . Stop him . But her fingers only grabbed air . " Cam ! " He didn 't stop . Didn 't so much as hesitate as he jumped off the tail ramp and joined the SEALs still on the ground around the Chinook . " Cam , no ! " Heedless of the pain in her leg , she pulled herself toward the closing ramp . Desperate to get to him before it was too late . She tripped on someone 's leg and went down , crying out in agony as her wounded knee smashed into the steel floor . Hard hands gripped her waist . Yanked her up and back . She fought them . Ryan hauled her up and into his arms , holding her tight as the Chinook lifted off the ground . She fought him with all her strength . " Is he on the Hawk ? " The pain was suffocating . She couldn 't breathe . Couldn 't ease the splitting sensation in her chest . The tears flowed fast and hot down her cheeks . They soaked the front of Ryan 's fatigues as the bird rose into the dark sky and left the man she loved behind . Bio : Kaylea Cross is an award winning author of edge - of - your - seat romantic suspense . A Registered Massage Therapist , Kaylea is an avid gardener , artist , Civil War buff , Special Ops aficionado , belly dancer and former nationally - carded softball pitcher . She is an active member of the Greater Vancouver Romance Writers of America chapter and lives in Vancouver , BC with her husband . More about this guy who never quit . We should all have it so tough . Look what he overcame . When I think of all the sacrifices others have made so I can have a " normal " life , sometimes taking for granted my health , and then someone like this comes along , well , it 's a good reminder of what is important in life . Nano has been a bust for me this year , and unless I pull " two - dayer " , which I don 't do any longer , I will not make the word count . Of course , I could figure my edits in that , but they aren 't new words , or at least half of them aren 't , so that would be cheating . My new book comes out in December , and there were last - minute edits I chose to do , and I hadn 't planned on them right in the middle of Nano . It was the right thing to do . But I 'm not quitting my Nano goal . I 'm going on to see how many I can do . Complicated with family drama over the Thanksgiving Holiday , which always seems to happen . As someone much wiser than me said , " It rarely is a Normal Rockwell moment , " meaning , my expectations almost always exceed what happens in real time . But getting real has been what this year has been about , so I accept that . No , my dinner was perfect , was not a Norman Rockwell picture , but pretty darned close . It was Sharon 's family , and that 's more than fine for me . My 3 year old granddaughter brought a stepstool into the kitchen and said , " Grandma , I help you now . " I like that she didn 't ask me , she told me what she was going to do . Good going , little one . You have learned something at 3 it took me many years to master . Her sweet little face looking up at me caused me to realize that , of course , everything goes better with sugar . And of course I said yes . And as daunting as the other drama of the holidays can be , it is the beginning of her life , her memories , and I 'm here and present and clear of mind to enjoy them , and help make them happy ones . What better gift can I give my grandchildren than the gift of a happy childhood ? Not me alone . It does take a family . But I 'm part of that family , even though parts of it don 't work well . Your packages are on their way . And you 'll get them before Christmas . Her name was chosen at random from over 80 entries . She gets a paperback version of Accidental SEAL , and a book cover poster signed by Jimmy Thomas ( the hunk on all my covers ) . Thanks again everyone for participating . I hope you come back again for the new release of Fallen SEAL Legacy . I 'll be on another blog hop December 14th ( Twelve Days of Christmas ) , so look for that announcement coming up , plus another one for New Years . Welcome to the Black Friday Blog Hop event . This day is about you : the freebies , the swag , the new authors you 'll get to discover . And you don 't have to get out of your house or brave the long lines and crowds to do it . Here 's to all the men and women who serve our great country . Let 's remember to say thanks for all they do , and remember they need our love and support - and a little romance in their day . Can we make this friday a No Dear John Letter Day ? We have THREE grand prizes . You as a reader can go to EACH blog and comment with your email address and be entered to win . Yep , you can enter over 200 times ! We have a small gathering this year , which suits me . We 've also opted out of the gift giving for Christmas , but will do some things for the grandkids . On Black Friday , I 'll be participating in the Black Friday Bloghop , checking Amazon and reading instead of standing in line . I am not in the least bit tempted by the seasonal craziness . Didn 't we just have a year of that with the election ? Just not feeling like being a lemming . Still recovering from the years of overdoing . Things are simple these days . I cherish the time spent with the family rather than the exchange that used to take up most the day . The excesses of the holidays starts with Thanksgiving . No wonder everyone goes on a diet in January . In more ways than one . I bought my Willie Bird turkey yesterday at G & G Market , along with everything I 'm going to use in the stuffing . Bought some special mushrooms for my famous soup and even found some 1 / 2 & 1 / 2 , string beans , apples , potatoes and shrimp on sale . Bought the last jar of oysters , which we also like in stuffing . Don and I will be making the house festive today , which is , I think , my real Thanksgiving . The more I do today , the more I get to enjoy tomorrow . All the desserts are going back with the people who bring them , so I won 't be tempted . I 'll save enough stuffing for my hubby , but I can have beans and mashed potatoes and the leftover turkey and stay on my food plan . Waiting for my book to come back from the editor , and yes , I 'm always nervous at this point . The last 6 months I 've worked harder on my writing and the writing business than I ever have . I know I 've put in the time and done the things I need to do . It 's the waiting to see how it is received that is the hard part . But , need to remind myself , it 's all in just doing what I love and know how to do . I just have to have trust and faith the rest will come along , in good time . Remind myself , it really isn 't up to me , anyway . I 'm grateful my Dad is able to celebrate one more Thanksgiving . He will be missed . Read someone else 's post about collapsing with tears and I burst into tears , too . I 'm thinking about all the family meals we all shared , and all the people that are no longer with us - - I hear them in my head and feel them in my heart like characters from my books . All the sights , smells and feelings of my childhood are washing over me . I wonder how I will be thought of some day , when I am gone too . It makes a lot more sense spending Friday with your favorite authors than spending too much money , braving the crowds . Find some great new authors . Buy their books for your yourself and indulge in the freebies given away JUST THIS FRIDAY . For a couple of days , my Honeymoon Bite will be free . As of this morning , it has soared in 24 hours to the # 6 spot for Freebie Amazon in the Fantasy category . Almost in the top 100 overall . I know , I know . SEALs and vamps , you say ? Well , these are fictionalized stories based on legend , myth and snippets of things I 've either read or discussed with other people . Like any good storyteller , I take the things I didn 't like from some of the vamp stories , like their plumbing issues ( thank you Anne Rice for your great characters , but no thanks on the lack of sex ) , and their need to sleep in a coffin ( love True Blood but it 's getting kinda out there , still fun ) and need to stay out of the sun - - and I fixed those problems . Why ? Because I can . Just like when I released Accidental SEAL , I created a short , SEAL Encounter , a prequel to the full length book . It has sold almost as many copies as the Accidental SEAL . This book was 12 weeks in Amazon 's top 100 for Romantic Suspense . I have been a top 100 Amazon Romantic Suspense author almost every day since they started the program in September of 2012 . I 'm doing the same promotion for Fallen SEAL Legacy . The new prequel for this one is SEAL Endeavor . Isn 't the cover wonderful ? I have dog tags and bookmarks for the new book , too . Posters signed by none other than Jimmy Thomas . Edits have taken a little longer than I wanted , but that 's my fault , not anyone else 's . We 've been a busy family over the last 2 months . And family comes first . Always . I hope you 'll continue the journey with me . There will be some fun prizes and swag . Oh yes , I take care of you big time . Stay tuned for the big day ! You probably won 't see me for awhile . Back into an editing cave for a week + . Fallen SEAL Legacy is going into some heavier edits than I expected , but that 's good news for readers . Won 't be out in November . Now looking to December , but before Christmas . This very moving piece was sent to me yesterday and brought me to tears . This woman 's son has just graduated from the U . S . Naval Academy . Her other son will be graduating from West Point next year . I think those of us who are raised in the U . S . sometimes forget all the gifts and benefits this great country has to offer . I think it is a great reminder to all of us to be grateful for what we have received . And say thanks to those that would honor us by serving to protect us . I have the agreement from the writer to use this , but have agreed not to use her name . Just wanted to share with all of you who read this blog . Sharon Alex and I were walking towards them , exhausted after the many hours on the planes and airports with two small kids and me … very pregnant . We were a sight to see … . I was pushing a stroller with little Thomas in it and holding David 's hand . Alex was carrying all we had , two big suitcases and a backpack . I got sick so many times on the plane … I remember being hungry and thirsty and as soon as I would eat … out it went . We could never afford to buy coke before , and on the plane it was free , as much as I wanted . Ah , I remember David ( he was 2 and a half ) , telling me that he will put a band aid over my mouth , to not throw up anymore . Getting in the car , I was so impressed with the " little seats for the kids " ( car seats ) how special ! I was thinking . On the way home I learned that one will get a ticket if kids are not traveling in those seats , lol ! Less than half an hour we were home . Our home . Our first home ! It was at night and we couldn 't see much outside , but we got in … . it was warm and welcoming ! Had everything in it ! Our sponsor , a sweet lady , Miss Marianne H , bought this old house and remodeled inside and out to perfection . We were getting the tour of the house … . tears were rolling down my face … . the kitchen was decorated , even pictures on the wall , table and cushions on the chairs to match with the wall paper . The pantry was stuffed with food , the fridge also , even milk for the kids ! Homemade meals in the freezer for a whole month ! With directions how to heat / cook them . We went in the living room … . even pillows and throws on the couches … then bedrooms . The boys had each their own twin size bed with matching All Sports bed sets ! And a little crib … . for the coming baby . Toy box filled with trucks and building blocks . I couldn 't contain myself when I discovered pajamas for the boys and even for us , in the drawers . Before she left , Marianne showed us one more thing : a phone book ! Our name was in there highlighted ! OMG ! Alex and I prayed and cried for a long time … . then the sun came up ! We went outside in the front yard first . Beautiful gray house , with white shutters ! And we could see the park from our front door ! Then we went in the back yard ! Big and beautiful AND it was all fenced in ! Painted gray , to match the house . The fence was a tip given to Miss Marianne by her son in - law who was a missionary in Romania . To help us feel more safe and at home . We finally went to bed late morning . Slept thru afternoon when we heard the door bell ringing . Who could it be ? ! Nobody knew us , and Marianne made it clear that unless we call her , she will not bother us till we are fully recovered from the jet leg … etc … . Alex went to the door and picked thru the curtains ! He looked at me mortified ! Masked people ! Lots of them ! And they kept ringing the doorbell ! He calls Marianne and told her what is happening , I could hear her laughing loud saying : " Oh dear , I forgot to tell you … . It 's Halloween Day ! Look in the pantry and you 'll see a big basket with candy . Then open the door and give them some candy , they will leave ! . . . . And be ready for more trick or treat - ers ! " Closing the door Alex let out a big sigh ! He then told me why he was so scared … Before leaving the refugee camp in Austria , reading thru American History , he learned about KKK , their hate for blacks and immigrants , and how they would go after them wearing white hoods . That 's the first image that came into his sleepy brain when he saw those masked people at the door . . " how did they know there were immigrants here ? . How did they found us ? ! " Lol Well , that was our first day in America ! For the next couple of years it was a learning everyday thing for me , for our family . Language was the hardest thing . I did not know more than : Please , Thank you and Good bye ! Alex was my translator everywhere . I remember crying all the way home on Sundays , because I did not understand the sermon , and could never keep up with the singing … so today , I wrote this story all by myself !
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Today I read Genesis 14 where Lot is captured by the warring kings and Abraham has to go and rescue him . Afterwards Abraham pays his tithing on all he owns and all he acquired from the war when he want to go get his nephew . This chapter is unique because it introduces us to Melchizedek who , in the King James Version does not play a very important role and we barely see him at all , but in the JST we are given 15 extra verses to understand who he was and why he was the high priest of God in that area . The verse that really stood out to me was verse 17 , particularly the JST version . It really makes it sound like Melchizedek administered the sacrament to Abraham . To my knowledge that is the first and only instance of the sacrament before the Savior Himself institutes the night before His death . But I don 't know of any other way to interpret the scriptures saying that Melchizedek took bread , brake it and blessed it and then blessed wine afterwards . I mean , that 's almost identical terminology as when Jesus teaches the Nephites the sacrament in 3 Nephi . Who ever Melchizedek was , he was a great man that is for sure . He was able to get his people to the point there was no more sin in the city of Salem . That 's hard to do in a city . It took Enoch almost 300 years to accomplish it . I 've sometimes wondered since Melchizedek was such a great man , I mean the higher Priesthood is named for him ! But since he was such a great man , why wasn 't this period of time call the dispensation of Melchizedek ? Why was it called the dispensation of Abraham ? I believe the answer is because the promise was made to Abraham . And even though he was not the high priest , Abraham was still an incredible man on his own and should not be slighted . I just wish we had more records of Melchizedek to teach us more about this great man beyond this chapter and Alma 13 . Oh well , we will know one day . Until tomorrow . Today I read Genesis 13 were Abraham and Lot leave Egypt . As the chapter goes on , the herdsmen of Lot don 't like the herdsmen of Abraham and so Abraham and Lot decide to separate and go their own way . This is ultimately what gets Lot into trouble . But you have to admire the way Abraham handles the conflict . He does not desire there to be any trouble between them because they are family and so he tells Lot to choose which direction he wants to take his herdsmen and Abraham will take the other direction . Lot chooses the better of the grounds and heads towards the cities . We will find out why that was a huge mistake in the coming chapters but Moses in his writing gives us a glimpse as to what was wrong with this when he tells us that the men of Sodom were wicked . However just about everyone knows that is the truth . But I like the way that Abraham dealt with the conflict between himself and his family . He selflessly gave Lot the first choice of where to relocate to when he was older and could have taken the best land for himself and left Lot with the leftovers , but instead he gave Lot first pick and took what was left . This is a perfect example of how to handle conflict , really with anyone , but especially with family . Abraham was much more concerned with the happiness and well being of his nephew than he was with the location of his tent and fortune . He wanted to make sure that he did everything in his power to prevent a conflict , even between his servants and Lot 's servants , because he and Lot got along just fine . And it 's interesting to me that they were his servants , Abraham could have just ordered them to knock it off , however it seems that Abraham knew that the land where they were could not sustain both flocks for long and the servants being upset with each other was just the straw that broke the camels back . This is a wonderful model for resolving all kinds of conflict , no matter who it is between . When we have a problem like this where we need to resolve a conflict , we need to be more concerned with the otherPosted by Today I read Genesis 12 which introduces us to Abraham in the Bible . When I was younger , before I read the Pearl of Great Price , specifically the book of Abraham , I had often wondered what was so special about Abraham ? I mean , why was he made all those promises that his posterity would be as the sands of the sea and that his posterity would have the Priesthood and that they would possess the land of Canaan . It 's really sad how much of the Bible is actually missing compared to how it was originally penned by the prophets . But like I said the Book of Abraham explains it quite nicely . The reason he was chosen , is because he sought out the things of God . Abraham tells us in his own record that he wanted something more than the idol worship of his fathers . He wanted the priesthood his ancestors had and he sought it out . This raises the question about rearing verses personality . Now , I am a firm believer that how you are raised has a LOT to do with who you turn out to be . But I also believe that personality plays a huge role as well . Over the years I have had several friends who were adopted . All of them were loved and treated fairly and if it were a family of natural and adopted children they were loved the same . And yet they still let the fact that they were adopted ruin their lives and color their outlook on life . And then I had other friends who were adopted and you could never tell until they told you , they didn 't let it affect them . In both cases they were treated well and given love and everything a child could want . The difference was their own personality . We always have a choice on how we are going to react to things , it 's up to us to choose . Likewise , Abraham was brought up to offer human sacrifices to idols and his own father tried to offer him up as a sacrifice . Abraham rejected these teachings and instead desired the blessings of the Priesthood that he knew were out there . Just like Abraham , we too have a choice and do not have to be products solely of our upbringing . We can make a choice if we had a bad chPosted by Today I read Genesis 11 which tells the generations of Shem down to the time of Abraham and also tells the story of the Tower of Babel . Now , I 'm sure most of you have heard the theory that Shem and Melchizedek are one and the same . I 'll be honest that I don 't know if this is true or not , although the timing fits . Shem was only 390 years old when Abraham was born and Shem lived to be 600 years old . As far as I know , Shem was still alive when Abraham died because although I can 't remember exactly how long it was , I do not believe Abraham lived to be 200 years old . But just to still be alive to see your 9th generation , wouldn 't that be something ! Of course , Shem is not the only one with this experience . Adam was the same way as were most people during that period of the world . People were so long lived that they were still having children even though they were great - great - great - great grandparents ! Kind of blows your mind to think about it but I think it would be really neat . I 'd love to have been able to meet my ancestors 9 generations back and hear what life was like for them . That would be really neat . The other part of the chapter deals with the Tower of Babel although this event , arguably one of the most important in the history of the human race , only has a few short verses to tell us what happened . But as most Christians are well aware , the people of the world in a very short time after the flood had become quite arrogant and decided to build a tower to reach the heavens and God 's dwelling place . Of course this did not please God at all and in order to stop the people from doing this , He confounded the language of the people so that they could no longer understand one another . I have often pondered on this story and wondered if there was not more to it than the arrogance of man to try and reach the heavens with a tower . From what I remember of my seminary and college religion courses , Nimrod , who founded the city where this was taking place , was not a righteous man at all . But beyond that I do not remember muchPosted by Today I read Genesis 10 which is a list of the genealogy of Noah 's sons , Japheth , Shem and Ham . There is nothing immediately remarkable about this other than it makes genealogy extremely easy if you are able to trace your line back that far . The one part of the chapter that I have always found intriguing is the story of Peleg . The scriptures only have his name mentioned in passing almost as a footnote . It states that Peleg was a descendant of Shem and in his days the earth was divided . Now , according to the Doctrine and Covenants the earth was once one big land mass , typically called Pangea . There is lots of evidence of this from remains of animals , and humans found in South America and Africa to shapes of landmasses on the coast line . However , the biggest evidence I need is God said it was that way in the beginning in Doctrine and Covenants 133 : 24 . So we can establish that Pangea is real and that when God created the dry land , it was all in one mass , which makes sense seeing that in the creation story , no matter which version you look at , it states that He causes the dry land to appear , which sounds singular to me . One mass of dry land , not multiple little ones . Now , that being said , a question . If in fact the earth was divided into how we know it today during the time of Peleg , why do the scriptures make special mention of him ? It was during the days of other people too , including Peleg 's brother , Joktan . So why do the scriptures single out Peleg ? I believe it is because Peleg is the one who did the dividing . I think God used Peleg as His instrument to divide the earth . I believe Peleg was a righteous man and a prophet and he used the priesthood under the direction of God and caused the land masses to divide into their current form that we know today . That is why his name was singled out for when the earth was divided . It would be like saying and in Lincoln 's day the slaves were freed . There were a LOT of other people around when that even happened , but Lincoln is the one directly responsible for causing it to hPosted by Today I read Genesis 9 which has always raised questions for me . In this chapter God tells Noah and his sons that He will never again destroy the earth with a flood . And as proof of His covenant , God gave them the rainbow . I have always been confused if there were no rainbows before this point or God just used something that they were all familiar with it and so that 's why He chose it . Joseph Smith stated that the millennium will not occur in a year where there are rainbows . Now , my question / confusion is , if there were no rainbows before this , how is that possible ? I mean , surely it rained before this point . The earth had been around about 1700 years by this point and there had never once been water refracting off of the rain droplets in the sky ? I just don 't see how that 's possible . Of course , I know that with God anything is possible so who knows . I 've also never been clear just exactly why Ham is cursed . I think it 's gotta be more than just him laughing at the fact that Noah passed out drunk and naked in his tent . It seems to me I have read something on it in the past , but I don 't remember what it was now . But for whatever reason , Ham was cursed to not have the priesthood in his line . His line is where Egypt comes from and the line of Pharaohs . I have also often wondered why , and how , people in the olden days were able to live so long . I mean , Adam lived almost 1000 years . Noah was 500 years old when he was commanded to build the ark and lived to be 950 . How in the world were they able to live that long ? I 'm pretty sure at least in the case of Adam , Noah and his sons they were able to live that long so they could have more children and populate the earth . Today if for some reason , a regular man and woman had to repopulate the earth , it would be a little hard without the woman being constantly pregnant for almost 30 years . What a horrible life that would be . I also wonder what changed . Why did people slowly start living shorter and shorter life spans ? By the time we get to Abraham and later Moses , both men didn ' tPosted by Today I read Genesis 8 which finishes the story of Noah 's ark where the rain stopped and the waters from the earth stopped . As the story goes the waters covered the earth for at least 8 months the this chapter states but I believe it was closer to a full year . But regardless it was a very , very long time . It must have been a very trying year for Noah and his family . But I was thinking about it and it seems the more I think about this episode , the more impressed I am with the sheer logistics of it all . I mean , there was no way for them to keep meat on board the ark so everyone , including the meat eaters of the animal world were eating vegetarian that year . Not only that , but their natural aggression would have been tempered I think . While I do think they were probably in their own compartments , surely the predators would have been able to smell their natural prey all around them and I would think it would have driven them into a frenzy if God had not intervened . When I think about it , it just boggles my mind , I mean to me , this is almost more impressive than feeding the Israelites with mana for 40 years and having the clothing of the children grow with them . Noah was as devout as they come though . As soon as he was on dry land again he built an altar and offered 2 sacrifices at least . And I 'm sure he had reason to be grateful , after all , he and his family were the only ones alive on the entire planet ! I know if I were Noah I 'd be grateful beyond belief . And truly I am grateful because without Noah and his posterity , none of us would be here ! So we can examine all the miraculous things that happened with Noah and his experience , but the true miracle is that it happened . He was preserved and so we are here today . And I for one am very grateful for that ! Until tomorrow . Today I read Genesis 7 where Noah has finished the ark and all the animals have come to Noah and the rains come . Through the years , my understanding has increased . When I was a child , I thought that Noah and his family were the only righteous people on the entire face of the entire planet . I have since come to understand that this is not he case . For one thing , Noah 's father , Lamech , was a righteous man . Surely the Lord would not cause him to die in the flood with all the wicked . But why wasn 't he on the ark ? I don 't remember where I heard this , but the theory I have always liked is that those who were on the earth who were righteous or who converted through the preaching of the Gospel were translated and brought to the city of Enoch . I really don 't know if this is true or not but I like the idea that not every single person on the planet besides Noah and his family were wicked and in need of destruction . Although , at times the Lord has allowed the righteous to perish to testify against the wicked . So I guess it is possible that Lamech and anyone else who was actually righteous could have perished in the flood , we are not told specifically . And if they did perish , we know that they died in the Lord and just as the Nephites who were slain by the wicked , we know that the Lord would have received them unto Himself . I guess we will find out someday . I was also thinking about the sheer logistics of what this endeavor would entail as I was reading and the idea of it is just staggering . I mean it 's hard enough to build an ark that can house at least 2 of every kind of animal on the planet plus 8 people for a year . But they also had to have a way to store a years worth of food , not just for the people but for the animals as well . They also had to have a way to clean the ark . I mean eight people alone going to the bathroom each day for a year would make a lot of mess , I can 't even imagine the mess that having every animal on the planet would cause . Poor Noah and his family must have been busy from sunup to past sundown justPosted by Today I read Genesis 6 where God commands Noah to build the ark and to take 2 of every kind of animal . As I was reading the chapter today I started thinking about a few things . The first thing was how part of the problem was the children of the righteous not marrying in the covenant . They were turning their back on everything they had been taught and were going into the world instead of remaining true to the covenants their fathers had secured . It is the same danger that all people who marry someone not who does not believe in their faith endures . When we choose to date and finally marry someone who does not share our beliefs , it can cause friction and make life more challenging than it needs to be . And this goes for any religious belief , not just Latter - day Saints . The second idea that I had as I read the scriptures this morning was , why did God kill all the animals too ? The scriptures say that the earth was full of violence , does that include the animals too ? Did the spirit of Satan and his influence infect the animals as well and they were choosing to go against the wishes of God and were behaving in ways that did not fulfill the measure of their creation ? I truly do not know . But God doesn 't do things like that just willy nilly , there was a reason behind it , of that you can be sure . We have explored the idea in the past that animals have agency just as we do and can choose to disobey God and follow Satan instead . I even once read an article that as a species that is what happened to the dinosaurs . It was a very interesting concept that 's for sure . But the ultimate reason is we don 't know exactly why God destroyed all the animals as well as all the people . The third idea that came to my mind is related to the second . Why did God use a flood ? I mean , he could easily have killed only the wicked the same way he killed all the first born in Egypt in the days of Moses . He could have caused a plague to kill only the humans and only the bad ones at that . So why a flood ? For this one , I believe I have an answer and it cPosted by Today I read Genesis 5 which is the Genealogy of Adam and his righteous posterity down to Noah . It is interesting that this recorded here and makes everyone who does genealogy 's life just a little bit easier since if you can trace your line back to Noah , you can get to Adam as well since it 's all mapped out for us . And because of the flood , this quite literally is the genealogical line of the entire human race . All societies in the world seem to have a reverence of some kind for their ancestors . I really do believe this is because of the spirit of Elijah . Even before he brought back the keys that allows us to do the work for our ancestors , the desire to be connected to them was present . Children , and even adults , love to hear tales about those who have come before and their lives . As a culture we love to hear stories and to hear tales of those who influenced our lives . Today in our modern age , we have a responsibility to not only seek out those ancestors , but to make sure they have an opportunity to accept or reject the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the saving ordinances that all mankind is required to perform if they would live with Him again some day . It is an awesome task that we will be held accountable for if we do not do it . Some of those we might be able to help have been waiting thousands of years to accept the work , and it 's up to us to do it . Genealogy is that important . In fact it is one of the most important thing we can do in this life . It ranks up there with teaching our children the Gospel of Jesus Christ and performing our own saving ordinances . We owe it to those who have come before to give them the opportunity to have eternal life , especially those who lived during the time when the Gospel was not on the earth in any form . It 's the least we can do for them . Until tomorrow . Today I read Genesis 4 where Cain kills Abel and the story of Adam and Eve continue . I 've got to say that reading Genesis is a bit like reading a cliff notes version of a book . As I was reading this chapter this morning all I could think to myself is that it 's no wonder some people are confused when they read the Bible and I am extremely grateful that I have the Pearl of Great Price so that I can understand everything that actually happened and that I can know why Cain killed Abel and other things such as why Lamech thinks he will be avenged even more than Cain if someone kills him . I 've always felt bad for Adam and Eve . I could not imagine their plight . I mean they had sons and daughters by the score who rejected God in favor of Satan . It must have been so hard for Adam and Eve who had seen God with their own eyes to have their offspring utterly reject God like that . Any parent who has a child stray from the Gospel can relate I am sure . But to have all of your children stray like that must have been very , very hard to handle . Fortunately they eventually had Abel and then Seth afterwards . I 've often wondered why so many of their children rejected what they had to say since they could tell their children that they knew without a doubt that God existed and had seen Him . I now it has to do with Satan and the fact that he walked openly among them . And perhaps he came in when Adam and Eve 's offspring were most vulnerable , I just don 't know . This chapter also makes me think of Lehi 's speech to his son , Jacob in 2 Nephi 2 where he tells Jacob that there must be opposition in all things . Almost right from the beginning there were two different groups of people . The sons of Adam who believe and those that don 't . Cain went off on his own and created a society of his own . Right from the beginning they were separate . Just like Lehi said and God too , He uses the wicked to stir up the righteous unto remembrance and to turn to Him . It makes me wonder if the attacks on the Wold Trade Center were to stir us up to remembrance and iPosted by Today I read Genesis 3 , where Adam and Eve partake of the forbidden fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil . There are several things about this story that stand out to me and I find very interesting . The first thing that has always stood out to me is I wonder how literal we are supposed to take the things in this story . I mean , I know from the temple that Eve really did take of the forbidden fruit first and then Adam ate of it too , but did Satan really use the voice of the serpent ? And why does God say what He does to the snake afterwards ? Did snakes have legs before this episode ? It 's just one of the many things that I 'm really interested in knowing once I get over to the other side . The second thing which I have talked about before , is that Eve was deceived . Satan told her 3 truths and 1 lie to get her to eat of the fruit . I 'm not really sure Eve was thinking it through all the way . But then again , perhaps she was . The questions she asks Satan back show a remarkable understanding , but Paul also states in his epistle to the Hebrews that she was deceived . The truths that Satan told her is that she will be as God knowing good and evil and another that I cannot go into because it is part of the temple ceremony and I do not wish to discuss sacred things here . But of course the devil snuck in a lie telling Eve that she would not die if she ate of the fruit . This was a lie for God had stated that if Adam and Eve partook of the fruit they would die and God 's word cannot pass away unfulfilled lest He cease to be God . Now , it is true that Adam and Eve did not die immediately because they needed time to be able to repent and to procreate , but they did die within 1 day of the Lord 's time , which is 1000 years of Earth time . However , it is important to note that since Adam and Eve partook of the fruit they did in fact die spiritually that same day . So no matter which way you slice it , Satan lied to Eve . Now , here 's the thing I first noticed years ago that I have always found interesting and still do to this day . I havPosted by Today I read Genesis 2 where God creates man and woman . This is also the chapter where God institutes the Sabbath and rests from His labors . I have often wondered just how people of Christian faiths , no matter what denomination because Latter - day Saints have been known to do it too , can justify some of the things they do , including failing to keep the Sabbath day holy . I mean , I can understand if you are of another faith entirely or do not believe in God , but how can any Christian make a mockery of God and not keep the Sabbath day holy ? Even God took the day off ! How can we NOT follow in His footsteps ? But as important as the Sabbath day is , that is not what I wanted to focus on today . I wanted to focus on the fact that God did not declare His work completed until there was man and woman together , not just man . The creation of the woman is what made His work finished . And not just created , but married . It 's another situation that if you believe in the Bible and believe in God , I don 't know how you would justify being a homosexual . Now , that is all I will say on the matter because this is NOT a post against those who are homosexual . I actually have quite a few friends who practice this and I love them all as friends and as people . I do not condone their lifestyle but I still care for them as people , just as our Father in Heaven does . The real reason I bring this up is because God not pronouncing His work good or complete until there was a woman and she and the man were married tells me that men and women are not complete until we are together and married . And anyone who is married with a good spouse would agree with me . I would be so much less without my eternal companion and I can 't imagine what life would be like without her by my side . For 28 years I was incomplete and I knew it . I felt it , I felt that longing to be with that woman , that daughter of God who would complete me . I tried my best to get along and was able to accomplish some great things on my own , but when I met my wife and later when we went on ourPosted by Today I read Genesis 1 where God creates the earth and everything in it . You know , I once read a quote from Elder Neal A . Maxwell that said pure science and pure religion were the same thing . I find it really sad that so many people are confused by science because science is not bad . Science is actually really good . But science is also extremely arrogant . They think they have it all figured out which is really a little amusing to me . I mean , how many times in history do scientists think they have it all figured out and it turns out they are very wrong ? It was not all that long ago that people thought the earth was flat . Before that we thought the earth was stationary . So many times we have thought we had it all figured out and it turned out in the end that we were wrong . I only say that because so many scientists discard religion because they do not understand it , can 't quantify it . They think that what they find with their science is completely incompatible with religion . For example , geologists will tell you that the earth is millions of years old and they think that Christianity is incorrect because we maintain that time as we know it started in 4000 B . C . I don 't find the two at odds with each other at all . Matter cannot be created or destroyed Newton taught us , and he was right . But it can be re - purposed . I have no trouble believing that God used pieces from other worlds that He had previously created that have since been destroyed to create this earth . I also have no trouble believing that God took as much time as it needed to create this earth properly . I don 't find the statement that the earth is millions of years old troubling at all or at odds with my beliefs . In today 's reading we read that God created the earth in six days . I prefer to think of it as six creative periods and we have absolutely no clue how long each of those were . I don 't see any reason why they can 't have lasted for millions of years or thousands of years or however long it took . I think that when we are finally shown / told how it all hapPosted by Today I read Revelation 22 the bane of every missionaries existence . This is the chapter that contains the verse where John states that anyone who adds anything to this book of prophecy will bring upon them the plagues contained therein . This is the verse that every missionary who has served in a country that has Christians in it has come to hate . This is the verse that everyone misinterprets . The Christian world tries to use this verse as their slam dunk on why the Book of Mormon can 't possibly be true . They point to this verse , or oddly enough some of them will actually reference the verse in Deuteronomy , and state that God , through John , has stated that there will be no more scripture . What they don 't realize is , that when John wrote the revelation that he saw , what we now call the book of Revelation , the Bible didn 't exist . It was also written before the Gospel of John , his testimony of Jesus Christ . And those that point to the verse in Deuteronomy is even more ludicrous . Unfortunately though , anyone who points to this verse trying to prove you wrong is not going to be swayed by any of those facts . Only those that point to it asking how there can be more scripture with a spirit of humility might actually listen . The rest of the chapter talks about conditions of the millennium and how things will be with Christ here to rule personally on the earth . I can hardly even imagine such a time . A time free from crime , free from obnoxious so called music that drives away the Spirit , a time where people don 't try and take advantage of you because of your words , where you can actually take people at their word again . Where children can play without fear and parents can allow them to roam around and not even fear the animals of the forest . That will truly be heaven on earth . Until tomorrow . Today I read Revelation 21 which mainly contains information about the city of New Jerusalem , the one that is prophesied to be built in Missouri . This chapter contains several dimensions and what it will look like which to some might be very interesting indeed . I was more intrigued that John said only those who are written in the Lambs book of life may enter into the city . Now , it is interesting that John would make such a distinction because to my understanding , those will be the only people left on the earth ! I don 't have all the prophecies memorized but I do believe that New Jerusalem gets built just before the Second Coming of Christ or just after , I cannot remember which . But either way the wicked won 't be around very long to try and enter into the city . That will be kind of nice , to have an entire city like a temple that only those worthy to do so may enter in . That is one of the most wonderful things about the temple , that you can go and find peace from the world there every time . Only those who are there to do the will of God are inside and it is always such a refreshing experience . My wife and I only have our 18 month old daughter right now but because she has seen so many doctors in her life , she won 't allow anyone besides my wife and I to hold her unless they have been around her for several days and even then it takes a lot for her to trust them . I bring this up because one of our goals this year is to attend the temple at least once every other month . Because we cannot leave our daughter with a babysitter , she has to come with us . Last month it was my wife 's turn to do some ordinances and I sat with our daughter in the waiting room . It was such a wonderful experience just being inside the temple as a family and watching my daughter play inside the temple and later walking around the temple grounds . There is no place on earth quite like the temple and I hope each of you who are Latter - day Saint who read this are taking advantage of the opportunity to attend the temple as often as possible . I don 't want Posted by Today I read Revelation 20 and I 've got to say , it 's nice to read about something other than destruction in the scriptures . It feels like that is all I have read out the last few days . But this is about the millennium . A time of joy and temple work . I have often wondered about Satan being bound for the duration of the millennium . I have heard both side of the argument that he is bound only by the people because they pay him no heed at all , and that he is actually forbidden to tempt the people during those 1000 years . Now , on the one hand , we already have a real life example of a people over the course of 2 generations not giving any heed to Satan at all and he was fully allowed to tempt them as far as we know . I am of course speaking of the Nephites who met with Jesus Christ . They were righteous and did not heed Satan at all for 200 years . So it is possible to still have Satan trying his best to tempt mankind but not able to do so . And I definitely think that a group of people during the millennium who have access to Jesus Himself would be able to resist temptation just fine . But what about those others in the world ? Jesus can 't be everywhere at once and not everyone on the earth during the millennium will be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter - day Saints . There will be non - Mormons too . What about them ? That is what leads me to lean more towards the idea that Satan will actually be forbidden to tempt the generations of the millennium , much as the imagery of the scriptures describe . I don 't know for a fact but that is what I believe will happen . It really is not all that important to me how it happens so much as that it does . I believe the scriptures so I understand that it will happen . It is a reason I hope to be around when the millennium comes around . It will be like living inside a temple all the time ! To be free of Satan 's temptations and influence all the time , it 's like a dream come true ! Of course if Satan is only bound because the people pay no attention to him , then we can effectively create oPosted by Today I read Revelation 19 which is about the devastation that is immediately preceding the Second Coming . I know that we are always taught to focus on the positive aspects of the Second Coming but there is so many descriptions in the scriptures about the bad things that are going to happen that it 's hard to keep that in mind . The descriptions that it gives are so gloomy and very little hope that I am not sure I want to be around for it . There are times that I hope I am here on the earth still for the Second Coming and the Millennium , but then there are other times that I really don 't want to be around for all the horrible stuff that is going to happen immediately before hand . It is all in God 's hands of course and His will be done always . It reminds me of the counsel to stand in holy places . The best way to live in this world is to follow the commandments of God and to make ourselves as righteous as possible . Today I was talking with the Elder 's Quorum President and the 1st counselor about sharing the Gospel and why we as members of the church find it so hard to bring up the Gospel to those who are not members . At the time I was thinking that it has to do with fear of rejection , that we are worried that if the person says no they don 't want to hear about the Gospel that they will not want to be our friends anymore . This is really silly because who honestly gets offended at being offered something they don 't desire ? Now that I think about it , I think the real reason we are worried about sharing the Gospel and we are afraid is because the Gospel of Jesus Christ is so important and special to us that we are actually afraid that the person we are wanting to share the Gospel with will mock and ridicule our beliefs . I can tolerate someone mocking me but I am not sure how I would handle someone mocking Jesus Christ or mocking my testimony . I think that is what I am really actually scared about more than anything . It 's easy to have thick skin when they are just making fun of us , but making fun of our beliefs and our SaviPosted by Today I read Revelation 18 where Babylon falls . It got me thinking of a book I read by Hugh Nibley many years ago . Hugh Nibley stated in this book , which I can 't remember the title , that the downfall of Sodom and Gomorrah was not sexual perversion , although that certainly happened . The downfall of those cities was wealth . Once the inhabitants became wealthy they stopped caring for the poor and needy in those cities and eventually stopped working altogether and it was the free time they had that caused them to eventually turn to such atrocities that led to their destruction . I bring this up because it 's been on my mind as I read this chapter , the danger of cities . Babylon the term as it refers to the world is only because it was a city that exhibited these same qualities that God has always told the Israelites to avoid . The Lord has always warned against cities and getting too acquainted with the things of the world . And it 's still going on today . Think about life in New York City compared to life in say Omaha , Nebraska . Big difference right ? As I was reading this chapter today and thinking about it and its implications , I started to wonder , is New York City that way because of the people who go there , or is New York that way and it causes the people who live there to mold and change to fit in ? I truly don 't know but I do know that the stereotypes of Babylon and everything that is wrong with city life is found in New York City . Now , there are good people in New York City , lots of Latter - day Saints and other faithful Christians of other denominations live there . But the fact remains that crime is higher there than in smaller cities and towns . The attitudes of its inhabitants is deplorable . The poor are treated with contempt by all but the smallest percentage of the population . Sin there rivals even places such as Las Vegas . And the funniest part to me is that they think they are enlightened and the new age . Satan really has them all fooled . Moses wrote that Zion was Zion because there was no poor among them . That is Posted by Today I read Revelation 17 which is all about Babylon , the whore of the earth . It got me thinking as I read it about the natural man and how he is an enemy to God . I think that is why Babylon , or the world is so successful , they appeal to the natural man in us . Satan has been around for thousands of years , he knows what kinds of things men and women are drawn to , because the specifics might have changed about the world , but mankind is still pretty much the same . I remember when I was younger that I used to wonder why the Israelites used to always go after strange gods when they had miracle after miracle that proved that their God was real . It wasn 't until much later that I learned that a lot of the false gods worship involved sex that it became clear and I understood . People can be quite animalistic and let our baser desires drive us although for the life of me I don 't understand why . I can understand it taking time to learn control over ones emotions and bodily needs , but to let them drive you reduces us to animals . It literally sickens me when I see drug addicts or people addicted to anything , it completely destroys agency . And honestly as I think about it , I don 't think the real danger in our times is the addiction . Rather I think it 's the excuses we hear . People saying things like " I have an addictive personality " . It is not an excuse . People talking about being born that way or they were born incorrectly or so many other things people say to shift the blame away from themselves . It 's everyone else 's fault but their own . God wants us to overcome the world and to conquer ourselves and become like He is because He knows that is the only way to be truly happy in this life . The good news is that it becomes easier the more you do it . The more right choices you make , the easier the next one becomes to make and so on and so on . The hardest one is the first one and once you get that out of the way , it 's all downhill from there as the saying goes . We all have the unique opportunity to choose to be who we want to be in tPosted by Today I read Revelation 16 which is all about the plagues that are going to be poured out upon mankind before the Second Coming . I have often wondered if , at least some of these plagues , are symbolic . For example it talked about the seas and the rivers and lakes turning to blood . I wonder if they will just turn red from some phenomenon or if they truly will turn to blood as did the Nile in Egypt of old . I guess time will tell . There was a statement in the chapter that caught my attention . It talked about the devil performing miracles to confuse and mislead mankind . This makes me think of the wisemen of Egypt during the time of Moses who were able to duplicate several of the plagues that Moses produced , including turning a stick into a snake . The devil has power to perform miracles in the natural world to deceive mankind . I once heard it said that Satan will tell a thousand truths to tell just one lie . I think that is accurate and is certainly how he snared Eve into eating the forbidden fruit . He told her the truth of what the fruit would accomplish in her , but lied that it would not cause her to die . I had a conversation this past Sunday with my dad about Satan . We were talking about the devil 's plans and most people think that the devil is trying to win , or beat God . My dad mentioned that he thought that was not the case , Satan knew he was going to lose . But what Satan 's real goal is , is to make mankind miserable like he is . I do believe that is his ultimate goal because the scriptures state it is . But it got me thinking , why is he miserable ? I think it is because he knows he screwed up and there is nothing he can do about it . He squandered his inheritance for a proverbial mess of pottage . Now he is forced to lie in the bed he has made for himself . I don 't know if that is the case , but for sure he is miserable as the scriptures state it and he wants all mankind to be miserable like unto himself . I don 't enjoy speaking of the things of the devil and so I will end here . But the fact remains if the devil caPosted by Today I read Revelation 15 which talks about angels having 7 plagues to torment mankind . However , the chapter also talks about praising God and giving Him all glory . It got me thinking about giving praise to God and how it is best accomplished . It honestly reminds me of a clueless husband and his wife . The stereotypical scenario is that no matter what hints the wife drops or gives her husband , he never gives her something that she wants for a gift which causes friction and tension in the marriage . But from the husbands point of view , he is following things his wife said she needed , not necessarily what she wanted . He is trying to please her without listening to what she tells him . The same is true of all of us and God . Except unlike the wife in our analogy , God has told us exactly what we need to do in order to please Him . But like the well meaning husband , we don 't take the hints or straight answers we are given and instead try and come up with something on our own . And the result is almost always a disaster . Unlike the wife who may be able to look past her bumbling husband 's attempts to please her , God has specified how we will please Him and no matter what we tell ourselves and try and convince ourselves otherwise , that is the only way to please Him . It drives me crazy when I hear people talk about pleasing God in their own way . Or about doing what 's right for them . They think that somehow they are an exception to what God has said . It 's he same principle as those young men who get up and talk about how they agonized over whether serving a mission was right for them when they have had their answer for over 20 years ! The prophets have said that every worthy young man should serve a mission . Why do so many young men then have to find out if the prophet meant him in particular when he said EVERY young man ? It makes no sense to me . I will freely admit that in the beginning the only reason I served a mission was because it was a commandment of God . I did not want to go at all . But I knew it was a commandment from GoPosted by Today I read Revelation 14 a much happier chapter about the work of Jesus Christ and God the Father progressing . I had a thought while reading this chapter , have you ever noticed anytime it mentions a gender of an angel in the scriptures it 's male ? I just noticed that this morning as I was reading this chapter . I wonder why anytime an angel does something on behalf of the Lord , it 's a male angel ? I am sure it has something to do with the Priesthood , but I am not sure what . It was just something I noticed . The thing that stood out to me in this chapter was missionary work . John saw the angels thrusting in their sickles with their might which has always been an analogy for missionary work . It is always interesting to me that the Lord uses us , His imperfect tools to spread the Gospel . It reminds me of a conversation I had once with a missionary companion that I had . We were talking one day and my companion asked if I thought that God had a plan B . Meaning , that He expects us as members and especially as missionaries to spread the Gospel . Well suppose He counted on us teaching the Gospel to a certain person but for whatever reason , because of the choices that we made it didn 't happen . Does He have a plan B where that person still gets taught the Gospel in this life ? I personally don 't think we can frustrate the plans of God that would require a " plan B " . I think that God knows the end from the beginning as He has said and as such , we can 't frustrate the plans of God and He knows if we will actually open our mouths to spread the Gospel or not . Now , that does not mean He will stop giving us opportunities to do the things He asks of us so that we can grow . But think about Abraham . God did not need to know if Abraham would sacrifice Isaac because God asked him to , Abraham needed to know that he would sacrifice his son because God asked him to . The tests that we are given in this life are to help us find out about ourselves , to help us understand what we are capable of . I think that God gives us trials both so that we will Posted by Today I read Revelation 13 which seems to be all about the devil and his followers . This is also the chapter where we learn the mark of the beast is 666 which I find leads to some pretty humorous superstitions . But I always find it strange how fascinated some people are with the devil and his doings . It 's almost unwholesome really and it makes me wonder if those people are mentally all there . I really don 't understand why any rational being would worship the devil . I would think that perhaps they are deceived by a being who appears to have power , but honestly if someone believes in the devil , they must believe in God also . So it makes no sense to me . But I 'm not going to spend time trying to understand the mind of a Satan worshiper . That just doesn 't seem like a worthwhile pursuit to me . I really didn 't find anything worth talking about while reading this chapter other than the thought that while yes , Satan is real , he is also on the losing side of things and will be defeated . And that is a comforting thought . And I think I will leave it at that because as I stated , it is not wise to dwell overly long on the things of the devil . It is much better to just acknowledge his existence and then move on to the things of the Spirit . Which is what I intend to do today . Until tomorrow . Today I read Revelation 12 which has to do with the rebellion of Lucifer , and what I think is the last days . Revelation 12 was re - translated by Joseph Smith and that is the version that I read and will be talking about today . Most of the Joseph Smith translation just adds a few words that had been removed or removes a phrase or two . It is rare that an entire chapter is in need of revision like this . I think the only other instance is Matthew 24 . But enough of that , let 's get into the meat of the chapter . As I was reading this chapter today it was very obvious that a good portion of it is about the rebellion of Lucifer and his being cast out of heaven . Whenever the scriptures refer to the dragon and his angels , that is referring to the devil . In this chapter it mentions the war in heaven and that Michael and his angels cast out the devil and his followers . I know I have mentioned this before , but I still can 't figure out why people followed Satan in the first place . I can maybe understand that it was appealing that they would not fall away and would be assured that they could return to Heavenly Father 's presence , but after they discovered that God did not approve of the plan , why would they still support Satan ? Did they really believe they could alter the mind of God ? Did they really think they could overcome the creator of their very spiritual bodies ? It just makes no sense at all to me . But whatever the reason they did rebel against God and as punishment they were cast out of His presence . Out of spite they have made it their goal to destroy the plan of salvation and cause as much pain and suffering for the spirits who followed Jesus and Heavenly Father as possible . I suppose everyone has to have a hobby and since they know they will ultimately fail and be punished , this is their only consolation . The verse that really stood out to me though was the JST verse 4 - 7 . It talks about there being a woman who is about to give birth to a child and the dragon , Lucifer , is set to devour the child as soon as it is born . We lPosted by Today I read Revelation 11 which is about the 2 prophets who prophesy for 1260 days , a little under 3 and a half years . I don 't know why , but the idea of 2 prophets standing up to the world and causing natural disasters and withholding the rain has always fascinated me . Probably because it strikes really close to magic in the sense of something like Harry Potter or sci - fi / fantasy which has always been my favorite genre for reading . But this chapter made me think . In this day and age there are always so many people who claim to know when Jesus is going to come again , or that the world is going to end on 12 / 21 / 2012 because of a Mayan calendar . There are always those who prophesy that the end is near , either out of delusion or some other reason . Now , no Latter - day Saint should be taken in by this because we know that before the Savior 's 2nd coming the Gospel has to be preached in every nation and there are still several nations that we are not allowed to preach the Gospel in yet . There are other prophecies I could name , but this one will suffice . No Latter - day Saint should be deluded or taken in by false prophets that the end is here because the prophecies have not all been fulfilled . But even non - Latter - day Saint Christians should know better than to believe such nonsense . Because of prophecies like this one from the Bible . For the world to end in December of this year , these two prophets that are talked about in this chapter would have to have started prophesying and causing disasters with the Priesthood over 2 years ago ! Since they didn 't , we can safely conclude that the world is not going to end on the Winter Solstice this year . And there are other prophecies that are in the Bible , but for some reason people latch on to these ideas from false prophets and from so called experts and forget all about the Bible , God 's own word . Jesus Himself stated that no man knows the hour when He will come again . This is by design so that people will live their lives how they will live them and not in some false pretense of how tPosted by Today I read Revelation 10 which I 've got to say is a little bit of a strange chapter . But it got me wondering , why are prophets shown these great and marvelous things , but then commanded to seal them up so that they don 't come to the people ? The obvious answer that comes to my mind is that the Lord wants to reward His servants , the prophets , who see the vision , but the common man / woman is not ready for the vision in question . I know with some visions the Lord has told the prophet seeing it that He will try the faith of His people and that is why it must be sealed up , such as the vision that the brother of Jared saw . It makes me wonder though , have there been those whose faith were strong enough that God showed them the same vision ? We wouldn 't know about it if it happened I 'm sure because such a vision and manifestation would be very personal , but it 's kind of neat to think about . When you think about it , all revelation is very personal . I have been told that Heavenly Father gives revelation to men and women and when we prove that we can keep sacred things sacred , then He will give us more . That being understood , it makes me wonder how many men and women are having supremely spiritual experiences on a regular basis that aren 't known to others ? I bet it 's a fair amount actually . And it makes sense to me the more I think on it to keep sacred things close to your heart because any communication with deity is a very wonderful experience . My mother and sister once asked my father , my brother and me what it was like to give a blessing , to be the mouthpiece of God . It 's a hard thing to describe really and I have found that each priesthood holder experiences it differently . I 've been told that some hear a voice whispering what to say , others have words appear in their minds . For me , I just speak what I feel and if I try and say something that I am not supposed to , the idea flees from my mind and I have to stop speaking and re - collect my thoughts before proceeding . I think this myriad of manifestations is also a way to tesPosted by Today I read Revelation 9 which included more disasters and more plagues . It made me wonder , why are there going to be so many calamities in the last days ? Is it a natural consequence of something the world is doing ? For example there are more tornadoes these days than in years past . Is that a direct result of pollutants that mankind is pouring into the atmosphere causing the weather to change and causing more hot and cold fronts which result in more tornadoes ? Who can say really . But what about the disasters that man can 't affect , such as earthquakes . Few would argue that we are seeing more frequency and more potent earthquakes these days than we used to in years past . But I can think of very little that man can do that would cause the earth to quake more often . I mean how can man affect the plates of the earth at all except by maybe drilling or explosives , but I would think even then man is not really affecting he plates at all . So if that is the case , why are there more earthquakes these days ? The same question could be said for all disasters that are occurring right now . Are they God smiting the earth for its wickedness or are they just natural consequences of thousands of years of humans and their actions ? I honestly have no idea but as I was reading today 's chapter I couldn 't help but wonder why the frequency of these disasters would increase just because Jesus will be coming back to the earth to cleanse it from all iniquity . It makes me think that some of these disasters are in fact , man made . We are causing them by what we do . I could be very wrong and this is by no means a " save the earth " post , but I really don 't know why God would just arbitrarily cause natural disasters just because of the Second Coming . As I sit here thinking about this , the scripture if ye are prepared ye shall not fear comes to mind . Just like I have stated in the past , what happens to this earthly body is only temporary . Yes , we don 't want to die violent deaths , none of us do . But honestly , no one gets out of this world alive , evenPosted by Today I read Revelation 8 which is all about the calamities that will come in the last days and how the earth will be smitten . It got me thinking about how when bad things happen , people turn to religion and subsequently , to God . And I had to wonder , why is that ? Why do people turn to God when things are going wrong and not when things are going well ? I know personally with my earthly father I 'm probably more excited to talk to him when I have good news than when I have bad news . I think that is the norm , so why do we treat our Heavenly Father differently ? Why is it that when we are scared or need His help , we run to Him but when things are ok or even going great , we shun Him and take all the credit for ourselves ? Perhaps it is human nature . The natural man surely enjoys the attention and is a glory hog for the praise of man . But it doesn 't really account for why people don 't turn to Him when things are going well and only during times of calamity . I think it has to do with the fact that most of the world doesn 't view God as their Spiritual Father . They view Him as some all powerful being that is out there somewhere and causes things , be they good or bad , to happen to them . But when you view God in that light , you are missing out on so much . You fall into that trap that pattern that we talked about above where we don 't care about Him , we don 't care what He can help us do , we only need Him in times of trouble . He essentially becomes the Ghostbuster , you only call Him when your in trouble , just like the 80 's movie themesong says . But if we can break through that and view Him as our Father , as someone who cares about us and wants to know how we are doing , then we find that we have a relationship with God that is amazing . My daughter loves to watch Veggietales . We like them too because they teach good principles and help re - enforce what we are trying to teach my daughter . I was watching one of the commentaries yesterday of a new video we picked up for her and on it one of the voice actors stated that she wrote a song Posted by
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Today I read Genesis 14 where Lot is captured by the warring kings and Abraham has to go and rescue him . Afterwards Abraham pays his tithing on all he owns and all he acquired from the war when he want to go get his nephew . This chapter is unique because it introduces us to Melchizedek who , in the King James Version does not play a very important role and we barely see him at all , but in the JST we are given 15 extra verses to understand who he was and why he was the high priest of God in that area . The verse that really stood out to me was verse 17 , particularly the JST version . It really makes it sound like Melchizedek administered the sacrament to Abraham . To my knowledge that is the first and only instance of the sacrament before the Savior Himself institutes the night before His death . But I don 't know of any other way to interpret the scriptures saying that Melchizedek took bread , brake it and blessed it and then blessed wine afterwards . I mean , that 's almost identical terminology as when Jesus teaches the Nephites the sacrament in 3 Nephi . Who ever Melchizedek was , he was a great man that is for sure . He was able to get his people to the point there was no more sin in the city of Salem . That 's hard to do in a city . It took Enoch almost 300 years to accomplish it . I 've sometimes wondered since Melchizedek was such a great man , I mean the higher Priesthood is named for him ! But since he was such a great man , why wasn 't this period of time call the dispensation of Melchizedek ? Why was it called the dispensation of Abraham ? I believe the answer is because the promise was made to Abraham . And even though he was not the high priest , Abraham was still an incredible man on his own and should not be slighted . I just wish we had more records of Melchizedek to teach us more about this great man beyond this chapter and Alma 13 . Oh well , we will know one day . Until tomorrow . Today I read Genesis 13 were Abraham and Lot leave Egypt . As the chapter goes on , the herdsmen of Lot don 't like the herdsmen of Abraham and so Abraham and Lot decide to separate and go their own way . This is ultimately what gets Lot into trouble . But you have to admire the way Abraham handles the conflict . He does not desire there to be any trouble between them because they are family and so he tells Lot to choose which direction he wants to take his herdsmen and Abraham will take the other direction . Lot chooses the better of the grounds and heads towards the cities . We will find out why that was a huge mistake in the coming chapters but Moses in his writing gives us a glimpse as to what was wrong with this when he tells us that the men of Sodom were wicked . However just about everyone knows that is the truth . But I like the way that Abraham dealt with the conflict between himself and his family . He selflessly gave Lot the first choice of where to relocate to when he was older and could have taken the best land for himself and left Lot with the leftovers , but instead he gave Lot first pick and took what was left . This is a perfect example of how to handle conflict , really with anyone , but especially with family . Abraham was much more concerned with the happiness and well being of his nephew than he was with the location of his tent and fortune . He wanted to make sure that he did everything in his power to prevent a conflict , even between his servants and Lot 's servants , because he and Lot got along just fine . And it 's interesting to me that they were his servants , Abraham could have just ordered them to knock it off , however it seems that Abraham knew that the land where they were could not sustain both flocks for long and the servants being upset with each other was just the straw that broke the camels back . This is a wonderful model for resolving all kinds of conflict , no matter who it is between . When we have a problem like this where we need to resolve a conflict , we need to be more concerned with the otherPosted by Today I read Genesis 12 which introduces us to Abraham in the Bible . When I was younger , before I read the Pearl of Great Price , specifically the book of Abraham , I had often wondered what was so special about Abraham ? I mean , why was he made all those promises that his posterity would be as the sands of the sea and that his posterity would have the Priesthood and that they would possess the land of Canaan . It 's really sad how much of the Bible is actually missing compared to how it was originally penned by the prophets . But like I said the Book of Abraham explains it quite nicely . The reason he was chosen , is because he sought out the things of God . Abraham tells us in his own record that he wanted something more than the idol worship of his fathers . He wanted the priesthood his ancestors had and he sought it out . This raises the question about rearing verses personality . Now , I am a firm believer that how you are raised has a LOT to do with who you turn out to be . But I also believe that personality plays a huge role as well . Over the years I have had several friends who were adopted . All of them were loved and treated fairly and if it were a family of natural and adopted children they were loved the same . And yet they still let the fact that they were adopted ruin their lives and color their outlook on life . And then I had other friends who were adopted and you could never tell until they told you , they didn 't let it affect them . In both cases they were treated well and given love and everything a child could want . The difference was their own personality . We always have a choice on how we are going to react to things , it 's up to us to choose . Likewise , Abraham was brought up to offer human sacrifices to idols and his own father tried to offer him up as a sacrifice . Abraham rejected these teachings and instead desired the blessings of the Priesthood that he knew were out there . Just like Abraham , we too have a choice and do not have to be products solely of our upbringing . We can make a choice if we had a bad chPosted by Today I read Genesis 11 which tells the generations of Shem down to the time of Abraham and also tells the story of the Tower of Babel . Now , I 'm sure most of you have heard the theory that Shem and Melchizedek are one and the same . I 'll be honest that I don 't know if this is true or not , although the timing fits . Shem was only 390 years old when Abraham was born and Shem lived to be 600 years old . As far as I know , Shem was still alive when Abraham died because although I can 't remember exactly how long it was , I do not believe Abraham lived to be 200 years old . But just to still be alive to see your 9th generation , wouldn 't that be something ! Of course , Shem is not the only one with this experience . Adam was the same way as were most people during that period of the world . People were so long lived that they were still having children even though they were great - great - great - great grandparents ! Kind of blows your mind to think about it but I think it would be really neat . I 'd love to have been able to meet my ancestors 9 generations back and hear what life was like for them . That would be really neat . The other part of the chapter deals with the Tower of Babel although this event , arguably one of the most important in the history of the human race , only has a few short verses to tell us what happened . But as most Christians are well aware , the people of the world in a very short time after the flood had become quite arrogant and decided to build a tower to reach the heavens and God 's dwelling place . Of course this did not please God at all and in order to stop the people from doing this , He confounded the language of the people so that they could no longer understand one another . I have often pondered on this story and wondered if there was not more to it than the arrogance of man to try and reach the heavens with a tower . From what I remember of my seminary and college religion courses , Nimrod , who founded the city where this was taking place , was not a righteous man at all . But beyond that I do not remember muchPosted by Today I read Genesis 10 which is a list of the genealogy of Noah 's sons , Japheth , Shem and Ham . There is nothing immediately remarkable about this other than it makes genealogy extremely easy if you are able to trace your line back that far . The one part of the chapter that I have always found intriguing is the story of Peleg . The scriptures only have his name mentioned in passing almost as a footnote . It states that Peleg was a descendant of Shem and in his days the earth was divided . Now , according to the Doctrine and Covenants the earth was once one big land mass , typically called Pangea . There is lots of evidence of this from remains of animals , and humans found in South America and Africa to shapes of landmasses on the coast line . However , the biggest evidence I need is God said it was that way in the beginning in Doctrine and Covenants 133 : 24 . So we can establish that Pangea is real and that when God created the dry land , it was all in one mass , which makes sense seeing that in the creation story , no matter which version you look at , it states that He causes the dry land to appear , which sounds singular to me . One mass of dry land , not multiple little ones . Now , that being said , a question . If in fact the earth was divided into how we know it today during the time of Peleg , why do the scriptures make special mention of him ? It was during the days of other people too , including Peleg 's brother , Joktan . So why do the scriptures single out Peleg ? I believe it is because Peleg is the one who did the dividing . I think God used Peleg as His instrument to divide the earth . I believe Peleg was a righteous man and a prophet and he used the priesthood under the direction of God and caused the land masses to divide into their current form that we know today . That is why his name was singled out for when the earth was divided . It would be like saying and in Lincoln 's day the slaves were freed . There were a LOT of other people around when that even happened , but Lincoln is the one directly responsible for causing it to hPosted by Today I read Genesis 9 which has always raised questions for me . In this chapter God tells Noah and his sons that He will never again destroy the earth with a flood . And as proof of His covenant , God gave them the rainbow . I have always been confused if there were no rainbows before this point or God just used something that they were all familiar with it and so that 's why He chose it . Joseph Smith stated that the millennium will not occur in a year where there are rainbows . Now , my question / confusion is , if there were no rainbows before this , how is that possible ? I mean , surely it rained before this point . The earth had been around about 1700 years by this point and there had never once been water refracting off of the rain droplets in the sky ? I just don 't see how that 's possible . Of course , I know that with God anything is possible so who knows . I 've also never been clear just exactly why Ham is cursed . I think it 's gotta be more than just him laughing at the fact that Noah passed out drunk and naked in his tent . It seems to me I have read something on it in the past , but I don 't remember what it was now . But for whatever reason , Ham was cursed to not have the priesthood in his line . His line is where Egypt comes from and the line of Pharaohs . I have also often wondered why , and how , people in the olden days were able to live so long . I mean , Adam lived almost 1000 years . Noah was 500 years old when he was commanded to build the ark and lived to be 950 . How in the world were they able to live that long ? I 'm pretty sure at least in the case of Adam , Noah and his sons they were able to live that long so they could have more children and populate the earth . Today if for some reason , a regular man and woman had to repopulate the earth , it would be a little hard without the woman being constantly pregnant for almost 30 years . What a horrible life that would be . I also wonder what changed . Why did people slowly start living shorter and shorter life spans ? By the time we get to Abraham and later Moses , both men didn ' tPosted by Today I read Genesis 8 which finishes the story of Noah 's ark where the rain stopped and the waters from the earth stopped . As the story goes the waters covered the earth for at least 8 months the this chapter states but I believe it was closer to a full year . But regardless it was a very , very long time . It must have been a very trying year for Noah and his family . But I was thinking about it and it seems the more I think about this episode , the more impressed I am with the sheer logistics of it all . I mean , there was no way for them to keep meat on board the ark so everyone , including the meat eaters of the animal world were eating vegetarian that year . Not only that , but their natural aggression would have been tempered I think . While I do think they were probably in their own compartments , surely the predators would have been able to smell their natural prey all around them and I would think it would have driven them into a frenzy if God had not intervened . When I think about it , it just boggles my mind , I mean to me , this is almost more impressive than feeding the Israelites with mana for 40 years and having the clothing of the children grow with them . Noah was as devout as they come though . As soon as he was on dry land again he built an altar and offered 2 sacrifices at least . And I 'm sure he had reason to be grateful , after all , he and his family were the only ones alive on the entire planet ! I know if I were Noah I 'd be grateful beyond belief . And truly I am grateful because without Noah and his posterity , none of us would be here ! So we can examine all the miraculous things that happened with Noah and his experience , but the true miracle is that it happened . He was preserved and so we are here today . And I for one am very grateful for that ! Until tomorrow . Today I read Genesis 7 where Noah has finished the ark and all the animals have come to Noah and the rains come . Through the years , my understanding has increased . When I was a child , I thought that Noah and his family were the only righteous people on the entire face of the entire planet . I have since come to understand that this is not he case . For one thing , Noah 's father , Lamech , was a righteous man . Surely the Lord would not cause him to die in the flood with all the wicked . But why wasn 't he on the ark ? I don 't remember where I heard this , but the theory I have always liked is that those who were on the earth who were righteous or who converted through the preaching of the Gospel were translated and brought to the city of Enoch . I really don 't know if this is true or not but I like the idea that not every single person on the planet besides Noah and his family were wicked and in need of destruction . Although , at times the Lord has allowed the righteous to perish to testify against the wicked . So I guess it is possible that Lamech and anyone else who was actually righteous could have perished in the flood , we are not told specifically . And if they did perish , we know that they died in the Lord and just as the Nephites who were slain by the wicked , we know that the Lord would have received them unto Himself . I guess we will find out someday . I was also thinking about the sheer logistics of what this endeavor would entail as I was reading and the idea of it is just staggering . I mean it 's hard enough to build an ark that can house at least 2 of every kind of animal on the planet plus 8 people for a year . But they also had to have a way to store a years worth of food , not just for the people but for the animals as well . They also had to have a way to clean the ark . I mean eight people alone going to the bathroom each day for a year would make a lot of mess , I can 't even imagine the mess that having every animal on the planet would cause . Poor Noah and his family must have been busy from sunup to past sundown justPosted by Today I read Genesis 6 where God commands Noah to build the ark and to take 2 of every kind of animal . As I was reading the chapter today I started thinking about a few things . The first thing was how part of the problem was the children of the righteous not marrying in the covenant . They were turning their back on everything they had been taught and were going into the world instead of remaining true to the covenants their fathers had secured . It is the same danger that all people who marry someone not who does not believe in their faith endures . When we choose to date and finally marry someone who does not share our beliefs , it can cause friction and make life more challenging than it needs to be . And this goes for any religious belief , not just Latter - day Saints . The second idea that I had as I read the scriptures this morning was , why did God kill all the animals too ? The scriptures say that the earth was full of violence , does that include the animals too ? Did the spirit of Satan and his influence infect the animals as well and they were choosing to go against the wishes of God and were behaving in ways that did not fulfill the measure of their creation ? I truly do not know . But God doesn 't do things like that just willy nilly , there was a reason behind it , of that you can be sure . We have explored the idea in the past that animals have agency just as we do and can choose to disobey God and follow Satan instead . I even once read an article that as a species that is what happened to the dinosaurs . It was a very interesting concept that 's for sure . But the ultimate reason is we don 't know exactly why God destroyed all the animals as well as all the people . The third idea that came to my mind is related to the second . Why did God use a flood ? I mean , he could easily have killed only the wicked the same way he killed all the first born in Egypt in the days of Moses . He could have caused a plague to kill only the humans and only the bad ones at that . So why a flood ? For this one , I believe I have an answer and it cPosted by Today I read Genesis 5 which is the Genealogy of Adam and his righteous posterity down to Noah . It is interesting that this recorded here and makes everyone who does genealogy 's life just a little bit easier since if you can trace your line back to Noah , you can get to Adam as well since it 's all mapped out for us . And because of the flood , this quite literally is the genealogical line of the entire human race . All societies in the world seem to have a reverence of some kind for their ancestors . I really do believe this is because of the spirit of Elijah . Even before he brought back the keys that allows us to do the work for our ancestors , the desire to be connected to them was present . Children , and even adults , love to hear tales about those who have come before and their lives . As a culture we love to hear stories and to hear tales of those who influenced our lives . Today in our modern age , we have a responsibility to not only seek out those ancestors , but to make sure they have an opportunity to accept or reject the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the saving ordinances that all mankind is required to perform if they would live with Him again some day . It is an awesome task that we will be held accountable for if we do not do it . Some of those we might be able to help have been waiting thousands of years to accept the work , and it 's up to us to do it . Genealogy is that important . In fact it is one of the most important thing we can do in this life . It ranks up there with teaching our children the Gospel of Jesus Christ and performing our own saving ordinances . We owe it to those who have come before to give them the opportunity to have eternal life , especially those who lived during the time when the Gospel was not on the earth in any form . It 's the least we can do for them . Until tomorrow . Today I read Genesis 4 where Cain kills Abel and the story of Adam and Eve continue . I 've got to say that reading Genesis is a bit like reading a cliff notes version of a book . As I was reading this chapter this morning all I could think to myself is that it 's no wonder some people are confused when they read the Bible and I am extremely grateful that I have the Pearl of Great Price so that I can understand everything that actually happened and that I can know why Cain killed Abel and other things such as why Lamech thinks he will be avenged even more than Cain if someone kills him . I 've always felt bad for Adam and Eve . I could not imagine their plight . I mean they had sons and daughters by the score who rejected God in favor of Satan . It must have been so hard for Adam and Eve who had seen God with their own eyes to have their offspring utterly reject God like that . Any parent who has a child stray from the Gospel can relate I am sure . But to have all of your children stray like that must have been very , very hard to handle . Fortunately they eventually had Abel and then Seth afterwards . I 've often wondered why so many of their children rejected what they had to say since they could tell their children that they knew without a doubt that God existed and had seen Him . I now it has to do with Satan and the fact that he walked openly among them . And perhaps he came in when Adam and Eve 's offspring were most vulnerable , I just don 't know . This chapter also makes me think of Lehi 's speech to his son , Jacob in 2 Nephi 2 where he tells Jacob that there must be opposition in all things . Almost right from the beginning there were two different groups of people . The sons of Adam who believe and those that don 't . Cain went off on his own and created a society of his own . Right from the beginning they were separate . Just like Lehi said and God too , He uses the wicked to stir up the righteous unto remembrance and to turn to Him . It makes me wonder if the attacks on the Wold Trade Center were to stir us up to remembrance and iPosted by Today I read Genesis 3 , where Adam and Eve partake of the forbidden fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil . There are several things about this story that stand out to me and I find very interesting . The first thing that has always stood out to me is I wonder how literal we are supposed to take the things in this story . I mean , I know from the temple that Eve really did take of the forbidden fruit first and then Adam ate of it too , but did Satan really use the voice of the serpent ? And why does God say what He does to the snake afterwards ? Did snakes have legs before this episode ? It 's just one of the many things that I 'm really interested in knowing once I get over to the other side . The second thing which I have talked about before , is that Eve was deceived . Satan told her 3 truths and 1 lie to get her to eat of the fruit . I 'm not really sure Eve was thinking it through all the way . But then again , perhaps she was . The questions she asks Satan back show a remarkable understanding , but Paul also states in his epistle to the Hebrews that she was deceived . The truths that Satan told her is that she will be as God knowing good and evil and another that I cannot go into because it is part of the temple ceremony and I do not wish to discuss sacred things here . But of course the devil snuck in a lie telling Eve that she would not die if she ate of the fruit . This was a lie for God had stated that if Adam and Eve partook of the fruit they would die and God 's word cannot pass away unfulfilled lest He cease to be God . Now , it is true that Adam and Eve did not die immediately because they needed time to be able to repent and to procreate , but they did die within 1 day of the Lord 's time , which is 1000 years of Earth time . However , it is important to note that since Adam and Eve partook of the fruit they did in fact die spiritually that same day . So no matter which way you slice it , Satan lied to Eve . Now , here 's the thing I first noticed years ago that I have always found interesting and still do to this day . I havPosted by Today I read Genesis 2 where God creates man and woman . This is also the chapter where God institutes the Sabbath and rests from His labors . I have often wondered just how people of Christian faiths , no matter what denomination because Latter - day Saints have been known to do it too , can justify some of the things they do , including failing to keep the Sabbath day holy . I mean , I can understand if you are of another faith entirely or do not believe in God , but how can any Christian make a mockery of God and not keep the Sabbath day holy ? Even God took the day off ! How can we NOT follow in His footsteps ? But as important as the Sabbath day is , that is not what I wanted to focus on today . I wanted to focus on the fact that God did not declare His work completed until there was man and woman together , not just man . The creation of the woman is what made His work finished . And not just created , but married . It 's another situation that if you believe in the Bible and believe in God , I don 't know how you would justify being a homosexual . Now , that is all I will say on the matter because this is NOT a post against those who are homosexual . I actually have quite a few friends who practice this and I love them all as friends and as people . I do not condone their lifestyle but I still care for them as people , just as our Father in Heaven does . The real reason I bring this up is because God not pronouncing His work good or complete until there was a woman and she and the man were married tells me that men and women are not complete until we are together and married . And anyone who is married with a good spouse would agree with me . I would be so much less without my eternal companion and I can 't imagine what life would be like without her by my side . For 28 years I was incomplete and I knew it . I felt it , I felt that longing to be with that woman , that daughter of God who would complete me . I tried my best to get along and was able to accomplish some great things on my own , but when I met my wife and later when we went on ourPosted by Today I read Genesis 1 where God creates the earth and everything in it . You know , I once read a quote from Elder Neal A . Maxwell that said pure science and pure religion were the same thing . I find it really sad that so many people are confused by science because science is not bad . Science is actually really good . But science is also extremely arrogant . They think they have it all figured out which is really a little amusing to me . I mean , how many times in history do scientists think they have it all figured out and it turns out they are very wrong ? It was not all that long ago that people thought the earth was flat . Before that we thought the earth was stationary . So many times we have thought we had it all figured out and it turned out in the end that we were wrong . I only say that because so many scientists discard religion because they do not understand it , can 't quantify it . They think that what they find with their science is completely incompatible with religion . For example , geologists will tell you that the earth is millions of years old and they think that Christianity is incorrect because we maintain that time as we know it started in 4000 B . C . I don 't find the two at odds with each other at all . Matter cannot be created or destroyed Newton taught us , and he was right . But it can be re - purposed . I have no trouble believing that God used pieces from other worlds that He had previously created that have since been destroyed to create this earth . I also have no trouble believing that God took as much time as it needed to create this earth properly . I don 't find the statement that the earth is millions of years old troubling at all or at odds with my beliefs . In today 's reading we read that God created the earth in six days . I prefer to think of it as six creative periods and we have absolutely no clue how long each of those were . I don 't see any reason why they can 't have lasted for millions of years or thousands of years or however long it took . I think that when we are finally shown / told how it all hapPosted by Today I read Revelation 22 the bane of every missionaries existence . This is the chapter that contains the verse where John states that anyone who adds anything to this book of prophecy will bring upon them the plagues contained therein . This is the verse that every missionary who has served in a country that has Christians in it has come to hate . This is the verse that everyone misinterprets . The Christian world tries to use this verse as their slam dunk on why the Book of Mormon can 't possibly be true . They point to this verse , or oddly enough some of them will actually reference the verse in Deuteronomy , and state that God , through John , has stated that there will be no more scripture . What they don 't realize is , that when John wrote the revelation that he saw , what we now call the book of Revelation , the Bible didn 't exist . It was also written before the Gospel of John , his testimony of Jesus Christ . And those that point to the verse in Deuteronomy is even more ludicrous . Unfortunately though , anyone who points to this verse trying to prove you wrong is not going to be swayed by any of those facts . Only those that point to it asking how there can be more scripture with a spirit of humility might actually listen . The rest of the chapter talks about conditions of the millennium and how things will be with Christ here to rule personally on the earth . I can hardly even imagine such a time . A time free from crime , free from obnoxious so called music that drives away the Spirit , a time where people don 't try and take advantage of you because of your words , where you can actually take people at their word again . Where children can play without fear and parents can allow them to roam around and not even fear the animals of the forest . That will truly be heaven on earth . Until tomorrow . Today I read Revelation 21 which mainly contains information about the city of New Jerusalem , the one that is prophesied to be built in Missouri . This chapter contains several dimensions and what it will look like which to some might be very interesting indeed . I was more intrigued that John said only those who are written in the Lambs book of life may enter into the city . Now , it is interesting that John would make such a distinction because to my understanding , those will be the only people left on the earth ! I don 't have all the prophecies memorized but I do believe that New Jerusalem gets built just before the Second Coming of Christ or just after , I cannot remember which . But either way the wicked won 't be around very long to try and enter into the city . That will be kind of nice , to have an entire city like a temple that only those worthy to do so may enter in . That is one of the most wonderful things about the temple , that you can go and find peace from the world there every time . Only those who are there to do the will of God are inside and it is always such a refreshing experience . My wife and I only have our 18 month old daughter right now but because she has seen so many doctors in her life , she won 't allow anyone besides my wife and I to hold her unless they have been around her for several days and even then it takes a lot for her to trust them . I bring this up because one of our goals this year is to attend the temple at least once every other month . Because we cannot leave our daughter with a babysitter , she has to come with us . Last month it was my wife 's turn to do some ordinances and I sat with our daughter in the waiting room . It was such a wonderful experience just being inside the temple as a family and watching my daughter play inside the temple and later walking around the temple grounds . There is no place on earth quite like the temple and I hope each of you who are Latter - day Saint who read this are taking advantage of the opportunity to attend the temple as often as possible . I don 't want Posted by Today I read Revelation 20 and I 've got to say , it 's nice to read about something other than destruction in the scriptures . It feels like that is all I have read out the last few days . But this is about the millennium . A time of joy and temple work . I have often wondered about Satan being bound for the duration of the millennium . I have heard both side of the argument that he is bound only by the people because they pay him no heed at all , and that he is actually forbidden to tempt the people during those 1000 years . Now , on the one hand , we already have a real life example of a people over the course of 2 generations not giving any heed to Satan at all and he was fully allowed to tempt them as far as we know . I am of course speaking of the Nephites who met with Jesus Christ . They were righteous and did not heed Satan at all for 200 years . So it is possible to still have Satan trying his best to tempt mankind but not able to do so . And I definitely think that a group of people during the millennium who have access to Jesus Himself would be able to resist temptation just fine . But what about those others in the world ? Jesus can 't be everywhere at once and not everyone on the earth during the millennium will be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter - day Saints . There will be non - Mormons too . What about them ? That is what leads me to lean more towards the idea that Satan will actually be forbidden to tempt the generations of the millennium , much as the imagery of the scriptures describe . I don 't know for a fact but that is what I believe will happen . It really is not all that important to me how it happens so much as that it does . I believe the scriptures so I understand that it will happen . It is a reason I hope to be around when the millennium comes around . It will be like living inside a temple all the time ! To be free of Satan 's temptations and influence all the time , it 's like a dream come true ! Of course if Satan is only bound because the people pay no attention to him , then we can effectively create oPosted by Today I read Revelation 19 which is about the devastation that is immediately preceding the Second Coming . I know that we are always taught to focus on the positive aspects of the Second Coming but there is so many descriptions in the scriptures about the bad things that are going to happen that it 's hard to keep that in mind . The descriptions that it gives are so gloomy and very little hope that I am not sure I want to be around for it . There are times that I hope I am here on the earth still for the Second Coming and the Millennium , but then there are other times that I really don 't want to be around for all the horrible stuff that is going to happen immediately before hand . It is all in God 's hands of course and His will be done always . It reminds me of the counsel to stand in holy places . The best way to live in this world is to follow the commandments of God and to make ourselves as righteous as possible . Today I was talking with the Elder 's Quorum President and the 1st counselor about sharing the Gospel and why we as members of the church find it so hard to bring up the Gospel to those who are not members . At the time I was thinking that it has to do with fear of rejection , that we are worried that if the person says no they don 't want to hear about the Gospel that they will not want to be our friends anymore . This is really silly because who honestly gets offended at being offered something they don 't desire ? Now that I think about it , I think the real reason we are worried about sharing the Gospel and we are afraid is because the Gospel of Jesus Christ is so important and special to us that we are actually afraid that the person we are wanting to share the Gospel with will mock and ridicule our beliefs . I can tolerate someone mocking me but I am not sure how I would handle someone mocking Jesus Christ or mocking my testimony . I think that is what I am really actually scared about more than anything . It 's easy to have thick skin when they are just making fun of us , but making fun of our beliefs and our SaviPosted by Today I read Revelation 18 where Babylon falls . It got me thinking of a book I read by Hugh Nibley many years ago . Hugh Nibley stated in this book , which I can 't remember the title , that the downfall of Sodom and Gomorrah was not sexual perversion , although that certainly happened . The downfall of those cities was wealth . Once the inhabitants became wealthy they stopped caring for the poor and needy in those cities and eventually stopped working altogether and it was the free time they had that caused them to eventually turn to such atrocities that led to their destruction . I bring this up because it 's been on my mind as I read this chapter , the danger of cities . Babylon the term as it refers to the world is only because it was a city that exhibited these same qualities that God has always told the Israelites to avoid . The Lord has always warned against cities and getting too acquainted with the things of the world . And it 's still going on today . Think about life in New York City compared to life in say Omaha , Nebraska . Big difference right ? As I was reading this chapter today and thinking about it and its implications , I started to wonder , is New York City that way because of the people who go there , or is New York that way and it causes the people who live there to mold and change to fit in ? I truly don 't know but I do know that the stereotypes of Babylon and everything that is wrong with city life is found in New York City . Now , there are good people in New York City , lots of Latter - day Saints and other faithful Christians of other denominations live there . But the fact remains that crime is higher there than in smaller cities and towns . The attitudes of its inhabitants is deplorable . The poor are treated with contempt by all but the smallest percentage of the population . Sin there rivals even places such as Las Vegas . And the funniest part to me is that they think they are enlightened and the new age . Satan really has them all fooled . Moses wrote that Zion was Zion because there was no poor among them . That is Posted by Today I read Revelation 17 which is all about Babylon , the whore of the earth . It got me thinking as I read it about the natural man and how he is an enemy to God . I think that is why Babylon , or the world is so successful , they appeal to the natural man in us . Satan has been around for thousands of years , he knows what kinds of things men and women are drawn to , because the specifics might have changed about the world , but mankind is still pretty much the same . I remember when I was younger that I used to wonder why the Israelites used to always go after strange gods when they had miracle after miracle that proved that their God was real . It wasn 't until much later that I learned that a lot of the false gods worship involved sex that it became clear and I understood . People can be quite animalistic and let our baser desires drive us although for the life of me I don 't understand why . I can understand it taking time to learn control over ones emotions and bodily needs , but to let them drive you reduces us to animals . It literally sickens me when I see drug addicts or people addicted to anything , it completely destroys agency . And honestly as I think about it , I don 't think the real danger in our times is the addiction . Rather I think it 's the excuses we hear . People saying things like " I have an addictive personality " . It is not an excuse . People talking about being born that way or they were born incorrectly or so many other things people say to shift the blame away from themselves . It 's everyone else 's fault but their own . God wants us to overcome the world and to conquer ourselves and become like He is because He knows that is the only way to be truly happy in this life . The good news is that it becomes easier the more you do it . The more right choices you make , the easier the next one becomes to make and so on and so on . The hardest one is the first one and once you get that out of the way , it 's all downhill from there as the saying goes . We all have the unique opportunity to choose to be who we want to be in tPosted by Today I read Revelation 16 which is all about the plagues that are going to be poured out upon mankind before the Second Coming . I have often wondered if , at least some of these plagues , are symbolic . For example it talked about the seas and the rivers and lakes turning to blood . I wonder if they will just turn red from some phenomenon or if they truly will turn to blood as did the Nile in Egypt of old . I guess time will tell . There was a statement in the chapter that caught my attention . It talked about the devil performing miracles to confuse and mislead mankind . This makes me think of the wisemen of Egypt during the time of Moses who were able to duplicate several of the plagues that Moses produced , including turning a stick into a snake . The devil has power to perform miracles in the natural world to deceive mankind . I once heard it said that Satan will tell a thousand truths to tell just one lie . I think that is accurate and is certainly how he snared Eve into eating the forbidden fruit . He told her the truth of what the fruit would accomplish in her , but lied that it would not cause her to die . I had a conversation this past Sunday with my dad about Satan . We were talking about the devil 's plans and most people think that the devil is trying to win , or beat God . My dad mentioned that he thought that was not the case , Satan knew he was going to lose . But what Satan 's real goal is , is to make mankind miserable like he is . I do believe that is his ultimate goal because the scriptures state it is . But it got me thinking , why is he miserable ? I think it is because he knows he screwed up and there is nothing he can do about it . He squandered his inheritance for a proverbial mess of pottage . Now he is forced to lie in the bed he has made for himself . I don 't know if that is the case , but for sure he is miserable as the scriptures state it and he wants all mankind to be miserable like unto himself . I don 't enjoy speaking of the things of the devil and so I will end here . But the fact remains if the devil caPosted by Today I read Revelation 15 which talks about angels having 7 plagues to torment mankind . However , the chapter also talks about praising God and giving Him all glory . It got me thinking about giving praise to God and how it is best accomplished . It honestly reminds me of a clueless husband and his wife . The stereotypical scenario is that no matter what hints the wife drops or gives her husband , he never gives her something that she wants for a gift which causes friction and tension in the marriage . But from the husbands point of view , he is following things his wife said she needed , not necessarily what she wanted . He is trying to please her without listening to what she tells him . The same is true of all of us and God . Except unlike the wife in our analogy , God has told us exactly what we need to do in order to please Him . But like the well meaning husband , we don 't take the hints or straight answers we are given and instead try and come up with something on our own . And the result is almost always a disaster . Unlike the wife who may be able to look past her bumbling husband 's attempts to please her , God has specified how we will please Him and no matter what we tell ourselves and try and convince ourselves otherwise , that is the only way to please Him . It drives me crazy when I hear people talk about pleasing God in their own way . Or about doing what 's right for them . They think that somehow they are an exception to what God has said . It 's he same principle as those young men who get up and talk about how they agonized over whether serving a mission was right for them when they have had their answer for over 20 years ! The prophets have said that every worthy young man should serve a mission . Why do so many young men then have to find out if the prophet meant him in particular when he said EVERY young man ? It makes no sense to me . I will freely admit that in the beginning the only reason I served a mission was because it was a commandment of God . I did not want to go at all . But I knew it was a commandment from GoPosted by Today I read Revelation 14 a much happier chapter about the work of Jesus Christ and God the Father progressing . I had a thought while reading this chapter , have you ever noticed anytime it mentions a gender of an angel in the scriptures it 's male ? I just noticed that this morning as I was reading this chapter . I wonder why anytime an angel does something on behalf of the Lord , it 's a male angel ? I am sure it has something to do with the Priesthood , but I am not sure what . It was just something I noticed . The thing that stood out to me in this chapter was missionary work . John saw the angels thrusting in their sickles with their might which has always been an analogy for missionary work . It is always interesting to me that the Lord uses us , His imperfect tools to spread the Gospel . It reminds me of a conversation I had once with a missionary companion that I had . We were talking one day and my companion asked if I thought that God had a plan B . Meaning , that He expects us as members and especially as missionaries to spread the Gospel . Well suppose He counted on us teaching the Gospel to a certain person but for whatever reason , because of the choices that we made it didn 't happen . Does He have a plan B where that person still gets taught the Gospel in this life ? I personally don 't think we can frustrate the plans of God that would require a " plan B " . I think that God knows the end from the beginning as He has said and as such , we can 't frustrate the plans of God and He knows if we will actually open our mouths to spread the Gospel or not . Now , that does not mean He will stop giving us opportunities to do the things He asks of us so that we can grow . But think about Abraham . God did not need to know if Abraham would sacrifice Isaac because God asked him to , Abraham needed to know that he would sacrifice his son because God asked him to . The tests that we are given in this life are to help us find out about ourselves , to help us understand what we are capable of . I think that God gives us trials both so that we will Posted by Today I read Revelation 13 which seems to be all about the devil and his followers . This is also the chapter where we learn the mark of the beast is 666 which I find leads to some pretty humorous superstitions . But I always find it strange how fascinated some people are with the devil and his doings . It 's almost unwholesome really and it makes me wonder if those people are mentally all there . I really don 't understand why any rational being would worship the devil . I would think that perhaps they are deceived by a being who appears to have power , but honestly if someone believes in the devil , they must believe in God also . So it makes no sense to me . But I 'm not going to spend time trying to understand the mind of a Satan worshiper . That just doesn 't seem like a worthwhile pursuit to me . I really didn 't find anything worth talking about while reading this chapter other than the thought that while yes , Satan is real , he is also on the losing side of things and will be defeated . And that is a comforting thought . And I think I will leave it at that because as I stated , it is not wise to dwell overly long on the things of the devil . It is much better to just acknowledge his existence and then move on to the things of the Spirit . Which is what I intend to do today . Until tomorrow . Today I read Revelation 12 which has to do with the rebellion of Lucifer , and what I think is the last days . Revelation 12 was re - translated by Joseph Smith and that is the version that I read and will be talking about today . Most of the Joseph Smith translation just adds a few words that had been removed or removes a phrase or two . It is rare that an entire chapter is in need of revision like this . I think the only other instance is Matthew 24 . But enough of that , let 's get into the meat of the chapter . As I was reading this chapter today it was very obvious that a good portion of it is about the rebellion of Lucifer and his being cast out of heaven . Whenever the scriptures refer to the dragon and his angels , that is referring to the devil . In this chapter it mentions the war in heaven and that Michael and his angels cast out the devil and his followers . I know I have mentioned this before , but I still can 't figure out why people followed Satan in the first place . I can maybe understand that it was appealing that they would not fall away and would be assured that they could return to Heavenly Father 's presence , but after they discovered that God did not approve of the plan , why would they still support Satan ? Did they really believe they could alter the mind of God ? Did they really think they could overcome the creator of their very spiritual bodies ? It just makes no sense at all to me . But whatever the reason they did rebel against God and as punishment they were cast out of His presence . Out of spite they have made it their goal to destroy the plan of salvation and cause as much pain and suffering for the spirits who followed Jesus and Heavenly Father as possible . I suppose everyone has to have a hobby and since they know they will ultimately fail and be punished , this is their only consolation . The verse that really stood out to me though was the JST verse 4 - 7 . It talks about there being a woman who is about to give birth to a child and the dragon , Lucifer , is set to devour the child as soon as it is born . We lPosted by Today I read Revelation 11 which is about the 2 prophets who prophesy for 1260 days , a little under 3 and a half years . I don 't know why , but the idea of 2 prophets standing up to the world and causing natural disasters and withholding the rain has always fascinated me . Probably because it strikes really close to magic in the sense of something like Harry Potter or sci - fi / fantasy which has always been my favorite genre for reading . But this chapter made me think . In this day and age there are always so many people who claim to know when Jesus is going to come again , or that the world is going to end on 12 / 21 / 2012 because of a Mayan calendar . There are always those who prophesy that the end is near , either out of delusion or some other reason . Now , no Latter - day Saint should be taken in by this because we know that before the Savior 's 2nd coming the Gospel has to be preached in every nation and there are still several nations that we are not allowed to preach the Gospel in yet . There are other prophecies I could name , but this one will suffice . No Latter - day Saint should be deluded or taken in by false prophets that the end is here because the prophecies have not all been fulfilled . But even non - Latter - day Saint Christians should know better than to believe such nonsense . Because of prophecies like this one from the Bible . For the world to end in December of this year , these two prophets that are talked about in this chapter would have to have started prophesying and causing disasters with the Priesthood over 2 years ago ! Since they didn 't , we can safely conclude that the world is not going to end on the Winter Solstice this year . And there are other prophecies that are in the Bible , but for some reason people latch on to these ideas from false prophets and from so called experts and forget all about the Bible , God 's own word . Jesus Himself stated that no man knows the hour when He will come again . This is by design so that people will live their lives how they will live them and not in some false pretense of how tPosted by Today I read Revelation 10 which I 've got to say is a little bit of a strange chapter . But it got me wondering , why are prophets shown these great and marvelous things , but then commanded to seal them up so that they don 't come to the people ? The obvious answer that comes to my mind is that the Lord wants to reward His servants , the prophets , who see the vision , but the common man / woman is not ready for the vision in question . I know with some visions the Lord has told the prophet seeing it that He will try the faith of His people and that is why it must be sealed up , such as the vision that the brother of Jared saw . It makes me wonder though , have there been those whose faith were strong enough that God showed them the same vision ? We wouldn 't know about it if it happened I 'm sure because such a vision and manifestation would be very personal , but it 's kind of neat to think about . When you think about it , all revelation is very personal . I have been told that Heavenly Father gives revelation to men and women and when we prove that we can keep sacred things sacred , then He will give us more . That being understood , it makes me wonder how many men and women are having supremely spiritual experiences on a regular basis that aren 't known to others ? I bet it 's a fair amount actually . And it makes sense to me the more I think on it to keep sacred things close to your heart because any communication with deity is a very wonderful experience . My mother and sister once asked my father , my brother and me what it was like to give a blessing , to be the mouthpiece of God . It 's a hard thing to describe really and I have found that each priesthood holder experiences it differently . I 've been told that some hear a voice whispering what to say , others have words appear in their minds . For me , I just speak what I feel and if I try and say something that I am not supposed to , the idea flees from my mind and I have to stop speaking and re - collect my thoughts before proceeding . I think this myriad of manifestations is also a way to tesPosted by Today I read Revelation 9 which included more disasters and more plagues . It made me wonder , why are there going to be so many calamities in the last days ? Is it a natural consequence of something the world is doing ? For example there are more tornadoes these days than in years past . Is that a direct result of pollutants that mankind is pouring into the atmosphere causing the weather to change and causing more hot and cold fronts which result in more tornadoes ? Who can say really . But what about the disasters that man can 't affect , such as earthquakes . Few would argue that we are seeing more frequency and more potent earthquakes these days than we used to in years past . But I can think of very little that man can do that would cause the earth to quake more often . I mean how can man affect the plates of the earth at all except by maybe drilling or explosives , but I would think even then man is not really affecting he plates at all . So if that is the case , why are there more earthquakes these days ? The same question could be said for all disasters that are occurring right now . Are they God smiting the earth for its wickedness or are they just natural consequences of thousands of years of humans and their actions ? I honestly have no idea but as I was reading today 's chapter I couldn 't help but wonder why the frequency of these disasters would increase just because Jesus will be coming back to the earth to cleanse it from all iniquity . It makes me think that some of these disasters are in fact , man made . We are causing them by what we do . I could be very wrong and this is by no means a " save the earth " post , but I really don 't know why God would just arbitrarily cause natural disasters just because of the Second Coming . As I sit here thinking about this , the scripture if ye are prepared ye shall not fear comes to mind . Just like I have stated in the past , what happens to this earthly body is only temporary . Yes , we don 't want to die violent deaths , none of us do . But honestly , no one gets out of this world alive , evenPosted by Today I read Revelation 8 which is all about the calamities that will come in the last days and how the earth will be smitten . It got me thinking about how when bad things happen , people turn to religion and subsequently , to God . And I had to wonder , why is that ? Why do people turn to God when things are going wrong and not when things are going well ? I know personally with my earthly father I 'm probably more excited to talk to him when I have good news than when I have bad news . I think that is the norm , so why do we treat our Heavenly Father differently ? Why is it that when we are scared or need His help , we run to Him but when things are ok or even going great , we shun Him and take all the credit for ourselves ? Perhaps it is human nature . The natural man surely enjoys the attention and is a glory hog for the praise of man . But it doesn 't really account for why people don 't turn to Him when things are going well and only during times of calamity . I think it has to do with the fact that most of the world doesn 't view God as their Spiritual Father . They view Him as some all powerful being that is out there somewhere and causes things , be they good or bad , to happen to them . But when you view God in that light , you are missing out on so much . You fall into that trap that pattern that we talked about above where we don 't care about Him , we don 't care what He can help us do , we only need Him in times of trouble . He essentially becomes the Ghostbuster , you only call Him when your in trouble , just like the 80 's movie themesong says . But if we can break through that and view Him as our Father , as someone who cares about us and wants to know how we are doing , then we find that we have a relationship with God that is amazing . My daughter loves to watch Veggietales . We like them too because they teach good principles and help re - enforce what we are trying to teach my daughter . I was watching one of the commentaries yesterday of a new video we picked up for her and on it one of the voice actors stated that she wrote a song Posted by
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My retina tore on Monday morning . I had two types of laser surgery procedures to repair a horseshoe tear on Monday afternoon . I will explain in detail later because I 'm extremely limited with computer time - mainly because I still can 't see very well and my eye needs to rest . Can 't read much , can 't write much . Can 't knit . I can watch telly . That 's really about it . And this morning - in the early dark - when I went outside to place my Fed - Ex package on the porch for pick - up , it was a symphony of birdsong . I stood for a bit , out there in my pajamas , and just listened . Spring is here . . . When you have about 40 minutes , enjoy this , from my favorite composer , in its original score and original purpose . Appalachian Spring was written as chamber music for a Martha Graham ballet . She 's the one who named the piece , not Copland . Here 's a good article about it if you 're interested . Can 't even tell you how much I love that Martha Graham was 50 when she choreographed and originally danced the Bride . I love it even more , that - in the version below - filmed for telly in 1958 , she was 64 . Yup . . . But I do know that there is a tremendous difference between the first urologist I had ( who did my surgery ) and the one I have now in terms of interest in my case / wanting to help me avoid another stone . In addition , I have an excellent primary care physician - he 's been on top of this since it started . As well , I live / work in one of the largest cities in the country with some of the best doctors and hospitals in the world . Having lived a lot of other places , I can say with certainty that the standard of care here is exceptionally high . Urinalysis : I had to pee in a cup there in the office for them to make sure there was no bacteria in my urine . There wasn 't . Blood Draw : My understanding is that the initial blood work I had when I met with the new urologist 's physician 's assistant a couple of weeks ago was necessary to rule out certain physical causes . I didn 't have any of them . Yay ! It did show that I was just under the range for hemoglobin , and I was advised to follow up with my primary care doc - which I did . Nothing to worry about unless it doesn 't correct itself by the next time I have a blood draw . A Follow up Ultrasound : I had this on Thursday . The first urologist had requested that I have one of these before I saw him again in 6 weeks , so I think this is common . He never explained it to me however , just told me to get one . . . if you know me at all , you know that didn 't go over well with me . There is good reason for this test - it 's to make sure there are no other stones hiding in my kidneys ( I don 't think there are - no one mentioned any in the ER or hospital ) , and also to be sure that there was no residual swelling or scarring in my kidney / ureter from the stone . The one I had on Thursday was far more extensive than the ultrasound I had in the hospital prior to surgery , and the tech spent a lot more time on my left kidney ( where the stone was ) and looked at it in many more ways than she did the right . This gave me pause at the time , but I know she can 't say anything or she could lose her job , so I didn 't question her . Two , back - to - back 24 - hour Urine Collections : This is the last test , and I 've been doing it all weekend . To do this , you have to collect your pee . All of it . For two , 24 - hour periods . That means you can 't pee anywhere but at home . If you miss capturing your pee , the test is ruined and you have to start over again . It 's kind of a pain , but it 's not difficult . You just have to follow the instructions they send you with the kit . I 'll be FedEx - ing my samples back to the lab tomorrow morning . The first urologist mentioned it to me , but he didn 't explain or tell me anything about how important is it , so I declined to do it . The new urologist 's PA explained it extremely well , and my own research made it clear to me how important of a test it is . In fact , this last test is probably the most important one of all . This is the test that should tell the urologist what caused my stone to form in the first place so he can tell me how I can hopefully avoid having a recurrence . Unfortunately , once you 've had one stone , you are at a much higher risk of having another . So - four tests . Is that a lot ? Again , I don 't know . I don 't think so , though . And are they preventive ? No - I think they fall into the diagnostic category . I am extremely motivated to never , ever experience that pain again . Seriously . Motivated . I will do whatever they tell me I have to do to avoid another stone . That 's the update from here . I 've nearly finished working on my taxes ( yes , I 'm about a week behind in pretty much everything ) , and one load of laundry is done . Time to get another load of clothes going , and I 'm going to block my Hale - Bopp Shawl . I have been feeling very much at loose ends . I remain very tired and have low energy since The Kidney Stone Incident . I feel like it 's taken on its own identity and is a proper noun now . : - D I saw the physician 's assistant at my new urologist 's office last week . She was able to start the ball rolling on the battery of tests I have to have . That means that I still don 't know anything . They have requested all the imaging and records from the ER , hospitals , and the previous urologist . I guess that can take some time to get . In the mean time , I had to pee in a cup , and they took blood for more blood work . On tap for this week , is another ultrasound of my kidneys and bladder , and a 48 - hour urine collection . That will be my exciting weekend activity ; - D Seriously , I 'm staying at home because you have to get it all or the test will not be accurate . Apparently this test is one of the most important for them to be able to tell me what , if anything I might need to adjust to avoid another stone . Interestingly enough - I was advised to stop drinking all the extra water and to eat how I have normally been eating . This makes me nervous , but apparently they have to see where I am now to know what , if any , changes might need to be made going forward . They didn 't seem too concerned that I might be forming another stone in the meantime , so I 'm doing my best not to worry about it . I 'll see the actual doctor in early April , and then I should know more . There 's a chance that this was a one - off and I might not need to change anything . I know I keep saying this - I 've been saying it for weeks and just said it above , but I 'll know more after I see the doctor . : - D Through the online portal I was able to see the results of the blood work they did , and apparently I 'm a bit anemic . I suppose that could account for my tiredness , although they did take a ton of blood out of me in the ER and hospital . In other news of the day - my Run the Year page keeps disappearing . I think it 's something to do with the HTML for the ticker I 've been using . I think I 'm going to have to discontinue that if I want the page to show up again . Bummer . I liked the ticker . In any case , I 'm currently behind and haven 't had enough energy to get on the bike and rack up some miles . I will need to do this soon . I finally finished the Hale - Bopp shawl , which was a mystery knit - along on Ravelry . I 'm not sure that I care for it - but it 's done except for blocking . Photos soon ! And yesterday I picked up a sock for the first time since the Year of Stash Sock group on Ravelry folded . I was seriously " socked out . " : - D This is a plain vanilla sock that I started back in November . That was the month when things went pear - shaped here in the US so it 's not really a surprise to me that I haven 't looked at a sock in all this time . I 'd like to finish this one , though , mostly just to be done with it . The yarn has great qualities , but it really is not comfortable to knit with . I had just finished the cuff and was just in to the leg of the second sock when I set these down . Time to finish . : - ) Yesterday I drove over to Valparaiso , Indiana for a craft fair that was billed as " Shipshewana on the Road . " I love Shipshewana - it 's Amish country in Indiana and I 've been there multiple times . It 's peaceful and pretty and the food is good and the shopping is great - beautiful hand - made things . I always enjoy the time I spend there , so I thought it would be big fun to drive about an hour east and check out this fair . What a huge disappointment : - ( It was mostly commercial vendors with things like tube socks , t - shirts , sweat shirts , junk , makeup overstocks , hot tubs , and more junk . I picked up a couple of things from the one or two vendors who had interesting / unique stuff , and there were a couple of food vendors in the hall who had Amish food and / or breads without preservatives , etc . Of course , being Sunday , there were no Amish people in sight . I 'm really sorry I paid four bucks to get in and I certainly won 't go again . It was like going to Swap - O - Rama , where it 's mostly permanent vendors , not flea market individual / interesting vendors . At least it was a nice day for a drive : - ) And , I was listening to the Oldies radio station and I heard some great music I hadn 't heard in forever . Here 's an oldie - not one of the ones I heard yesterday , but one of my favorites . . . I did go back to work this week - and I was pretty wiped out every evening . I missed Tai Chi ( you know I was tired if I missed Tai Chi ) . I 'm still going to bed early most nights and sleeping right through . I also saw my primary care doc this week and that made everything so much easier . I am extremely grateful for the insurance I have , and that I have a wonderful doctor . He has a private medical practice - sometimes called a concierge practice . He didn 't when I first saw him , but he 's been my doctor for at least a decade and he 's the best doctor I 've ever had . I gladly pay his fee every year to continue to have him as my doctor . He agreed with me that the urologist I had for the surgery was not a good fit for me , and he 's set me up with another urologist in the same medical system . I 'll see the new guy on the 24th and then I 'll have more concrete information on everything . I did receive the results of the composition of my stone - it was a calcium stone - two different types : 80 % Calcium Oxalate Dihydrate , and 20 % Calcium Phosphate . What this means for me going forward isn 't clear yet . I 'll know more after I see the urologist . I do know , however , that he and my primary care doc will likely send me to a dietitian to be able to work on crafting a plan for whatever and however I need to eat going forward . In the meantime , I 'm just to keep on drinking more water . The research I 've done on my own seems to suggest that it 's not a matter of cutting out a bunch of foods - many of which are healthy choices - but rather a matter of eating foods in certain combinations so that molecules combine in the stomach rather than them getting to the kidneys where crystals can be formed that then form into stones . As mentioned before , my guess is that my last bad habit ( salt ) might be instrumental going forward . Something to consider , however , is that as far as I can tell , most of the research has been done on men , not women . Of course I will have a lot of questions for the " Stone Man , " as my primary care doc calls him . It will be interesting , I 'm sure , and , in any case , I will do what he tells me because I never want to have another stone . Seriously - I think I said this before , but if they told me that I had to learn to stand on my head and do it every day for the rest of my life . I 'd do it . That 's how bad the pain was . . . It 's been a quiet weekend for me - yesterday I ran some errands - took a bag of stuff to the Second Chance Shop , and went to the local framer , who announced on FB that he was retiring after 40 years . I figured I 'd better get the stuff in that I had let sit . Three etchings of Heidelberg , purchased when I lived there a million years ago ( I 'm having them redone together ) , and an original piece by Inuit artist , George Ahgupuk that my father bought back in the 1950s . A little 80s flashback this afternoon . I saw Any Trouble on tour with Joan Armatrading back in my Germany days . This is one of those bands where you have to wonder why they never broke massively large . They were so great . They don 't really exist as a band any more , although they 've reformed a number of times . Their lead singer , Clive Gregson is still making some great music . This has always been one of my favorites - from their third album , Any Trouble . Every day I am improving . Mostly I 'm tired and my back is sore off and on . I am also somewhat lightheaded off and on . Not sure what 's up with that , but usually after I eat , that goes away . I have an update email in my primary care doc so he 's aware . I am drinking what seems to me to be a stupid amount of water and peeing like a racehorse , but it 's what is supposed to keep my kidneys happy . Although I don 't have any results back on the stone composition , I 've already cut down on my salt intake , just in case . I always called salt my last bad habit . . . ; - ) Today it 's warmer out and the sun is putting in occasional appearances . I took a walk part way around the retention pond About a mile . I had to return home due to intestinal distress . This is something that I 've had pretty constantly since Wednesday , and I have an email in to my PCP to ask about it because they told me I would most likely be stopped up from the pain meds . I 'm not . I also seem to be very light - headed / dizzy multiple times a day . I 'll wait to hear what the doc has to say . These things concern me because of my commute into the city . I 'd like to go back to work tomorrow , but if these continue , I 'm not sure it 's advisable . I 've been doing a lot of research . That 's not necessarily a good thing because there are so many different schools of thought out there and it 's hard to know who and what to believe . It 's my hope that my doc will send me to a dietician again who will work with me on getting a handle on everything . So many things to think about ! I have a good excuse . Let me start by saying that I 'm OK : - ) And then let me say that I do not recommend kidney stones in any possible way . I hadn 't felt quite well since last Thursday . On Saturday , the pain started . Bad pain . I messaged Linda the Chicken Lady to ask her what it felt like when she would have an attack of diverticulitis . But it wasn 't that . I lay down for awhile and the pain stopped . On Sunday I went to a book study at church , and then to the store , and over to the dojo where they were having a vendor market - which was great ! But I left early because it felt like the pain was coming back . . . It was - and it came back even worse this time . After a discussion with my primary care doc , I drove myself to the ER with a possible kidney stone . Level of pain at that time was 7 or 8 . Once I got to the hospital , the pain subsided and I felt like I was wasting everyone 's time and my money - but the CT Scan showed a 4mm kidney stone . This is apparently right on the edge , size - wise . At 5mm they probably would have admitted me because 5mm is usually too big to pass . But they sent me home with pain meds and and antibiotic because a 4mm stone should , in theory , pass on its own . I had some anti - nausea med left over from my shoulder surgery last summer , so I was armed with everything I needed . I stayed home from work on Monday . Unfortunately my arsenal of drugs were not effective because I was not able to keep anything down . Who knew that a kidney stone makes you barf . I couldn 't keep the pain meds down and my pain was getting worse and worse . One of my cousins , S , was on her way over to me because she was going to pick something up for me . I told her I thought she was going to have to take me back to the ER . literally - screaming and attempting to throw up ( which wasn 't really possible since I hadn 't been able to keep anything down ) . I was soaked in sweat and my BP was 187 / 85 ( my normal BP is 110 / 70 ) . I have never felt such pain in my life , and I think I was only sicker one time in my life - back in Germany days . It took them 45 minutes to free up a bed in the ER for me . In the mean time , they took me out of the waiting room ( I 'm sure I was scaring everyone ) into another interior waiting room where I continued to scream . It was off the pain chart pain . Once they got me a bed , I was dosed with another anti - nausea med , and a super strong anti - inflammatory called Toradol . That worked for awhile and at least I wasn 't screaming any longer . S stayed with me until two of my other cousins , ME and R , came . The pain returned and it was too soon for another dose of Toradol , so they decided to try morphine . Apparently I am likely allergic to morphine because I developed a bright rash all over my face . I 'm already allergic to codeine and tramadol , so this wasn 't much of a surprise to me . to help me pass the stone . Another cousin , K , sat with me all day on Tuesday and conferred with another cousin who is a nurse ( her sister , M who is not local , and yes I really do have all these cousins ) . This was helpful . I really needed K and I was so glad she was there . The Toradol was no longer working well , and I was apprehensive about trying the morphine again , so they gave me Dilaudid . It was terrifying and I didn 't like how it made me feel , K looked at the nurses and said , " she didn 't like the high back in the 70s either . " which is pretty hilarious since I never did anything like that back in the 70s : - D Another nurse came in and told me that I could ride out the high or that they could give me Narcan to reverse the effect but then my pain would come back . I looked at her said , " I 'll calm myself down . " It took the pain away . I made K sit next to me and hold my hand . That 's how bad the drug made me feel . Next was a bolus of liquids into me , and then a dose of lasix to make me pee out all the fluid I could in case I could pass it at the last minute . That didn 't work - and it turned out to be quite painful with the fluid pressure on my left kidney and bladder . I was so dosed with Dilaudid that I couldn 't understand how I was feeling any pain again . The lasix didn 't work either . So , on Tuesday afternoon I had a surgical procedure with a laser that broke up the stone , and then they suctioned out all the bits and put a stent in to help me heal and allow the kidney to drain better after surgery . They decided to keep me another night in the hospital just in case . ME joined K and was there after the surgery , and she picked me up on Wednesday when I got to come home . You 'd think I would have lost weight not being able to eat anything for 2 + days . Nope . You 'd think I would have stayed the same , though , right ? Nope . I gained like 6 pounds . Seriously , can 't a girl get a break ? ! ? The urologist told me it was all the IV fluids I was given . Another cousin , J , took me yesterday to my follow up appointment with the urologisI have to see my primary care doc next week , and then I have another follow up appointment in six weeks with the urologist . I have to get another renal ultrasound before then . They should have the results of the stone composition next week - that will help me know what to do / what to avoid / what to eat / what not to eat , etc . going forward . The biggest thing seems to be to drink more water . According to the urologist , we 're supposed to pee out 2 - 3 liters a day . = = = : - O You guys , this has seriously been the No - Fun Plan . On the positive side , I 'm pretty sure that I 've met my insurance deductible and blown by my out - of - pocket max for the year again . I 'm not 100 % yet and I 'm off the rest of this week . I should be back at work on Monday . I know that many people all over were keeping me in their thoughts and prayers . I so appreciate that and I know it helped . And I continue to be grateful that I have such wonderful family . We Are Family indeed . I 'm gloriously unfinished - every day is an adventure . Life is short , so dance like no one 's watching , OK ? : - ) p . s . I 'm the one who taught Linda how to knit ! 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My retina tore on Monday morning . I had two types of laser surgery procedures to repair a horseshoe tear on Monday afternoon . I will explain in detail later because I 'm extremely limited with computer time - mainly because I still can 't see very well and my eye needs to rest . Can 't read much , can 't write much . Can 't knit . I can watch telly . That 's really about it . And this morning - in the early dark - when I went outside to place my Fed - Ex package on the porch for pick - up , it was a symphony of birdsong . I stood for a bit , out there in my pajamas , and just listened . Spring is here . . . When you have about 40 minutes , enjoy this , from my favorite composer , in its original score and original purpose . Appalachian Spring was written as chamber music for a Martha Graham ballet . She 's the one who named the piece , not Copland . Here 's a good article about it if you 're interested . Can 't even tell you how much I love that Martha Graham was 50 when she choreographed and originally danced the Bride . I love it even more , that - in the version below - filmed for telly in 1958 , she was 64 . Yup . . . But I do know that there is a tremendous difference between the first urologist I had ( who did my surgery ) and the one I have now in terms of interest in my case / wanting to help me avoid another stone . In addition , I have an excellent primary care physician - he 's been on top of this since it started . As well , I live / work in one of the largest cities in the country with some of the best doctors and hospitals in the world . Having lived a lot of other places , I can say with certainty that the standard of care here is exceptionally high . Urinalysis : I had to pee in a cup there in the office for them to make sure there was no bacteria in my urine . There wasn 't . Blood Draw : My understanding is that the initial blood work I had when I met with the new urologist 's physician 's assistant a couple of weeks ago was necessary to rule out certain physical causes . I didn 't have any of them . Yay ! It did show that I was just under the range for hemoglobin , and I was advised to follow up with my primary care doc - which I did . Nothing to worry about unless it doesn 't correct itself by the next time I have a blood draw . A Follow up Ultrasound : I had this on Thursday . The first urologist had requested that I have one of these before I saw him again in 6 weeks , so I think this is common . He never explained it to me however , just told me to get one . . . if you know me at all , you know that didn 't go over well with me . There is good reason for this test - it 's to make sure there are no other stones hiding in my kidneys ( I don 't think there are - no one mentioned any in the ER or hospital ) , and also to be sure that there was no residual swelling or scarring in my kidney / ureter from the stone . The one I had on Thursday was far more extensive than the ultrasound I had in the hospital prior to surgery , and the tech spent a lot more time on my left kidney ( where the stone was ) and looked at it in many more ways than she did the right . This gave me pause at the time , but I know she can 't say anything or she could lose her job , so I didn 't question her . Two , back - to - back 24 - hour Urine Collections : This is the last test , and I 've been doing it all weekend . To do this , you have to collect your pee . All of it . For two , 24 - hour periods . That means you can 't pee anywhere but at home . If you miss capturing your pee , the test is ruined and you have to start over again . It 's kind of a pain , but it 's not difficult . You just have to follow the instructions they send you with the kit . I 'll be FedEx - ing my samples back to the lab tomorrow morning . The first urologist mentioned it to me , but he didn 't explain or tell me anything about how important is it , so I declined to do it . The new urologist 's PA explained it extremely well , and my own research made it clear to me how important of a test it is . In fact , this last test is probably the most important one of all . This is the test that should tell the urologist what caused my stone to form in the first place so he can tell me how I can hopefully avoid having a recurrence . Unfortunately , once you 've had one stone , you are at a much higher risk of having another . So - four tests . Is that a lot ? Again , I don 't know . I don 't think so , though . And are they preventive ? No - I think they fall into the diagnostic category . I am extremely motivated to never , ever experience that pain again . Seriously . Motivated . I will do whatever they tell me I have to do to avoid another stone . That 's the update from here . I 've nearly finished working on my taxes ( yes , I 'm about a week behind in pretty much everything ) , and one load of laundry is done . Time to get another load of clothes going , and I 'm going to block my Hale - Bopp Shawl . I have been feeling very much at loose ends . I remain very tired and have low energy since The Kidney Stone Incident . I feel like it 's taken on its own identity and is a proper noun now . : - D I saw the physician 's assistant at my new urologist 's office last week . She was able to start the ball rolling on the battery of tests I have to have . That means that I still don 't know anything . They have requested all the imaging and records from the ER , hospitals , and the previous urologist . I guess that can take some time to get . In the mean time , I had to pee in a cup , and they took blood for more blood work . On tap for this week , is another ultrasound of my kidneys and bladder , and a 48 - hour urine collection . That will be my exciting weekend activity ; - D Seriously , I 'm staying at home because you have to get it all or the test will not be accurate . Apparently this test is one of the most important for them to be able to tell me what , if anything I might need to adjust to avoid another stone . Interestingly enough - I was advised to stop drinking all the extra water and to eat how I have normally been eating . This makes me nervous , but apparently they have to see where I am now to know what , if any , changes might need to be made going forward . They didn 't seem too concerned that I might be forming another stone in the meantime , so I 'm doing my best not to worry about it . I 'll see the actual doctor in early April , and then I should know more . There 's a chance that this was a one - off and I might not need to change anything . I know I keep saying this - I 've been saying it for weeks and just said it above , but I 'll know more after I see the doctor . : - D Through the online portal I was able to see the results of the blood work they did , and apparently I 'm a bit anemic . I suppose that could account for my tiredness , although they did take a ton of blood out of me in the ER and hospital . In other news of the day - my Run the Year page keeps disappearing . I think it 's something to do with the HTML for the ticker I 've been using . I think I 'm going to have to discontinue that if I want the page to show up again . Bummer . I liked the ticker . In any case , I 'm currently behind and haven 't had enough energy to get on the bike and rack up some miles . I will need to do this soon . I finally finished the Hale - Bopp shawl , which was a mystery knit - along on Ravelry . I 'm not sure that I care for it - but it 's done except for blocking . Photos soon ! And yesterday I picked up a sock for the first time since the Year of Stash Sock group on Ravelry folded . I was seriously " socked out . " : - D This is a plain vanilla sock that I started back in November . That was the month when things went pear - shaped here in the US so it 's not really a surprise to me that I haven 't looked at a sock in all this time . I 'd like to finish this one , though , mostly just to be done with it . The yarn has great qualities , but it really is not comfortable to knit with . I had just finished the cuff and was just in to the leg of the second sock when I set these down . Time to finish . : - ) Yesterday I drove over to Valparaiso , Indiana for a craft fair that was billed as " Shipshewana on the Road . " I love Shipshewana - it 's Amish country in Indiana and I 've been there multiple times . It 's peaceful and pretty and the food is good and the shopping is great - beautiful hand - made things . I always enjoy the time I spend there , so I thought it would be big fun to drive about an hour east and check out this fair . What a huge disappointment : - ( It was mostly commercial vendors with things like tube socks , t - shirts , sweat shirts , junk , makeup overstocks , hot tubs , and more junk . I picked up a couple of things from the one or two vendors who had interesting / unique stuff , and there were a couple of food vendors in the hall who had Amish food and / or breads without preservatives , etc . Of course , being Sunday , there were no Amish people in sight . I 'm really sorry I paid four bucks to get in and I certainly won 't go again . It was like going to Swap - O - Rama , where it 's mostly permanent vendors , not flea market individual / interesting vendors . At least it was a nice day for a drive : - ) And , I was listening to the Oldies radio station and I heard some great music I hadn 't heard in forever . Here 's an oldie - not one of the ones I heard yesterday , but one of my favorites . . . I did go back to work this week - and I was pretty wiped out every evening . I missed Tai Chi ( you know I was tired if I missed Tai Chi ) . I 'm still going to bed early most nights and sleeping right through . I also saw my primary care doc this week and that made everything so much easier . I am extremely grateful for the insurance I have , and that I have a wonderful doctor . He has a private medical practice - sometimes called a concierge practice . He didn 't when I first saw him , but he 's been my doctor for at least a decade and he 's the best doctor I 've ever had . I gladly pay his fee every year to continue to have him as my doctor . He agreed with me that the urologist I had for the surgery was not a good fit for me , and he 's set me up with another urologist in the same medical system . I 'll see the new guy on the 24th and then I 'll have more concrete information on everything . I did receive the results of the composition of my stone - it was a calcium stone - two different types : 80 % Calcium Oxalate Dihydrate , and 20 % Calcium Phosphate . What this means for me going forward isn 't clear yet . I 'll know more after I see the urologist . I do know , however , that he and my primary care doc will likely send me to a dietitian to be able to work on crafting a plan for whatever and however I need to eat going forward . In the meantime , I 'm just to keep on drinking more water . The research I 've done on my own seems to suggest that it 's not a matter of cutting out a bunch of foods - many of which are healthy choices - but rather a matter of eating foods in certain combinations so that molecules combine in the stomach rather than them getting to the kidneys where crystals can be formed that then form into stones . As mentioned before , my guess is that my last bad habit ( salt ) might be instrumental going forward . Something to consider , however , is that as far as I can tell , most of the research has been done on men , not women . Of course I will have a lot of questions for the " Stone Man , " as my primary care doc calls him . It will be interesting , I 'm sure , and , in any case , I will do what he tells me because I never want to have another stone . Seriously - I think I said this before , but if they told me that I had to learn to stand on my head and do it every day for the rest of my life . I 'd do it . That 's how bad the pain was . . . It 's been a quiet weekend for me - yesterday I ran some errands - took a bag of stuff to the Second Chance Shop , and went to the local framer , who announced on FB that he was retiring after 40 years . I figured I 'd better get the stuff in that I had let sit . Three etchings of Heidelberg , purchased when I lived there a million years ago ( I 'm having them redone together ) , and an original piece by Inuit artist , George Ahgupuk that my father bought back in the 1950s . A little 80s flashback this afternoon . I saw Any Trouble on tour with Joan Armatrading back in my Germany days . This is one of those bands where you have to wonder why they never broke massively large . They were so great . They don 't really exist as a band any more , although they 've reformed a number of times . Their lead singer , Clive Gregson is still making some great music . This has always been one of my favorites - from their third album , Any Trouble . Every day I am improving . Mostly I 'm tired and my back is sore off and on . I am also somewhat lightheaded off and on . Not sure what 's up with that , but usually after I eat , that goes away . I have an update email in my primary care doc so he 's aware . I am drinking what seems to me to be a stupid amount of water and peeing like a racehorse , but it 's what is supposed to keep my kidneys happy . Although I don 't have any results back on the stone composition , I 've already cut down on my salt intake , just in case . I always called salt my last bad habit . . . ; - ) Today it 's warmer out and the sun is putting in occasional appearances . I took a walk part way around the retention pond About a mile . I had to return home due to intestinal distress . This is something that I 've had pretty constantly since Wednesday , and I have an email in to my PCP to ask about it because they told me I would most likely be stopped up from the pain meds . I 'm not . I also seem to be very light - headed / dizzy multiple times a day . I 'll wait to hear what the doc has to say . These things concern me because of my commute into the city . I 'd like to go back to work tomorrow , but if these continue , I 'm not sure it 's advisable . I 've been doing a lot of research . That 's not necessarily a good thing because there are so many different schools of thought out there and it 's hard to know who and what to believe . It 's my hope that my doc will send me to a dietician again who will work with me on getting a handle on everything . So many things to think about ! I have a good excuse . Let me start by saying that I 'm OK : - ) And then let me say that I do not recommend kidney stones in any possible way . I hadn 't felt quite well since last Thursday . On Saturday , the pain started . Bad pain . I messaged Linda the Chicken Lady to ask her what it felt like when she would have an attack of diverticulitis . But it wasn 't that . I lay down for awhile and the pain stopped . On Sunday I went to a book study at church , and then to the store , and over to the dojo where they were having a vendor market - which was great ! But I left early because it felt like the pain was coming back . . . It was - and it came back even worse this time . After a discussion with my primary care doc , I drove myself to the ER with a possible kidney stone . Level of pain at that time was 7 or 8 . Once I got to the hospital , the pain subsided and I felt like I was wasting everyone 's time and my money - but the CT Scan showed a 4mm kidney stone . This is apparently right on the edge , size - wise . At 5mm they probably would have admitted me because 5mm is usually too big to pass . But they sent me home with pain meds and and antibiotic because a 4mm stone should , in theory , pass on its own . I had some anti - nausea med left over from my shoulder surgery last summer , so I was armed with everything I needed . I stayed home from work on Monday . Unfortunately my arsenal of drugs were not effective because I was not able to keep anything down . Who knew that a kidney stone makes you barf . I couldn 't keep the pain meds down and my pain was getting worse and worse . One of my cousins , S , was on her way over to me because she was going to pick something up for me . I told her I thought she was going to have to take me back to the ER . literally - screaming and attempting to throw up ( which wasn 't really possible since I hadn 't been able to keep anything down ) . I was soaked in sweat and my BP was 187 / 85 ( my normal BP is 110 / 70 ) . I have never felt such pain in my life , and I think I was only sicker one time in my life - back in Germany days . It took them 45 minutes to free up a bed in the ER for me . In the mean time , they took me out of the waiting room ( I 'm sure I was scaring everyone ) into another interior waiting room where I continued to scream . It was off the pain chart pain . Once they got me a bed , I was dosed with another anti - nausea med , and a super strong anti - inflammatory called Toradol . That worked for awhile and at least I wasn 't screaming any longer . S stayed with me until two of my other cousins , ME and R , came . The pain returned and it was too soon for another dose of Toradol , so they decided to try morphine . Apparently I am likely allergic to morphine because I developed a bright rash all over my face . I 'm already allergic to codeine and tramadol , so this wasn 't much of a surprise to me . to help me pass the stone . Another cousin , K , sat with me all day on Tuesday and conferred with another cousin who is a nurse ( her sister , M who is not local , and yes I really do have all these cousins ) . This was helpful . I really needed K and I was so glad she was there . The Toradol was no longer working well , and I was apprehensive about trying the morphine again , so they gave me Dilaudid . It was terrifying and I didn 't like how it made me feel , K looked at the nurses and said , " she didn 't like the high back in the 70s either . " which is pretty hilarious since I never did anything like that back in the 70s : - D Another nurse came in and told me that I could ride out the high or that they could give me Narcan to reverse the effect but then my pain would come back . I looked at her said , " I 'll calm myself down . " It took the pain away . I made K sit next to me and hold my hand . That 's how bad the drug made me feel . Next was a bolus of liquids into me , and then a dose of lasix to make me pee out all the fluid I could in case I could pass it at the last minute . That didn 't work - and it turned out to be quite painful with the fluid pressure on my left kidney and bladder . I was so dosed with Dilaudid that I couldn 't understand how I was feeling any pain again . The lasix didn 't work either . So , on Tuesday afternoon I had a surgical procedure with a laser that broke up the stone , and then they suctioned out all the bits and put a stent in to help me heal and allow the kidney to drain better after surgery . They decided to keep me another night in the hospital just in case . ME joined K and was there after the surgery , and she picked me up on Wednesday when I got to come home . You 'd think I would have lost weight not being able to eat anything for 2 + days . Nope . You 'd think I would have stayed the same , though , right ? Nope . I gained like 6 pounds . Seriously , can 't a girl get a break ? ! ? The urologist told me it was all the IV fluids I was given . Another cousin , J , took me yesterday to my follow up appointment with the urologisI have to see my primary care doc next week , and then I have another follow up appointment in six weeks with the urologist . I have to get another renal ultrasound before then . They should have the results of the stone composition next week - that will help me know what to do / what to avoid / what to eat / what not to eat , etc . going forward . The biggest thing seems to be to drink more water . According to the urologist , we 're supposed to pee out 2 - 3 liters a day . = = = : - O You guys , this has seriously been the No - Fun Plan . On the positive side , I 'm pretty sure that I 've met my insurance deductible and blown by my out - of - pocket max for the year again . I 'm not 100 % yet and I 'm off the rest of this week . I should be back at work on Monday . I know that many people all over were keeping me in their thoughts and prayers . I so appreciate that and I know it helped . And I continue to be grateful that I have such wonderful family . We Are Family indeed . I 'm gloriously unfinished - every day is an adventure . Life is short , so dance like no one 's watching , OK ? : - ) p . s . I 'm the one who taught Linda how to knit ! All the stuff that 's written here is the property of me , A : - ) All Rights Reserved . Thanks : - ) . Awesome Inc . theme . Powered by Blogger .
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" The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you , but he will make a fool of himself too . " ~ Samuel Butler I 'm a cat person . I 've written about my cats a number of times , including my posts Five Feline Lessons on Life , and More Cat Wisdom , where I 've let the cats share their sage philosophies on life . This weekend , however , I was dog - sitting for my daughter while she was out of town , and I had a chance to chat with my grand - puppy Finnigan , a sweet mini long - haired dachshund . Finnigan said he had some wisdom of his own that he wanted to impart . I was skeptical at first , but I agreed to take down what he had to say . Here are the highlights : Have faith , and good things will come your way . Finnigan suffers from food allergies and so he 's on a special diet . That means no treats , no table scraps , no nothin ' ( his words ) other than his prescribed diet . But Finnigan has learned that if someone is eating and if he sits ever so patiently and expectantly at their feet , inevitably they will drop some tasty little morsel and he can snap it up , practically before it hits the floor . And even if it 's not a tasty morsel , it doesn 't matter because it 's in his stomach before he 's had a chance to actually taste it . It 's more about quantity than quality in Finnigan 's food world . Who says cats aren 't any fun ? Finnigan likes to play with my kitties when he 's over here . One of his games seems to be " bowl the cat over , " which he plays with my cat Sebastian . Sebastian takes it in stride , usually rolling onto his back and licking Finnigan while Finnigan lovingly tries to pull the cat 's ear off . Finnigan 's other game is " chase the kitty , but don 't get too close , " which he plays with my kitty Thursday . Thursday tends to turn the tables on Finnigan sometimes , and when she stops running and turns to make a stand , Finnigan is quick to retreat . He 's sure , though , that Thursday 's hissing and swatting are all part of the game , too . It 's alResolution Review We are now about 4 weeks into the new year , and I wonder how everyone is doing on their New Year 's resolutions . I made 13 resolutions in honor of it being the year 2013 . So far , I 've gotten off track on seven of those 13 goals . That 's not to say I can 't regroup at any time and point myself back in the right direction . I suppose I could floss my teeth 20 times today to catch up for the year so far , but that doesn 't quite capture the intent or the spirit of the daily flossing goal . We are often advised to take life one day at a time . Seems like a good idea . If I " blow " my annual resolutions in the first month of the year , I could spend the next 11 months feeling like a failure . On the other hand , if I fail to do something for one day , I can go to bed and wake up eight hours later with a new opportunity for success . I like the latter scenario much better . I came across an online calculator that can tell us how many days it is between any two dates . By inputting my birthday and today 's date , I can see that I 've been alive for just over 19 , 000 days . If I live to be 100 ( and why shouldn 't I ? ) that gives me about 17 , 500 more days to succeed at any given daily goal . That 's a lot of opportunity right there . I could go through a veritable mountain of dental floss in that amount of time . ( Do 99 - year - olds still floss daily ? ) So I think I 'm going to start setting " New Day " resolutions . Hmm , what opportunity should I take advantage of today ? I think I 'll go floss while I decide . 2 Comments Image courtesy of nuttakit at FreeDigitalPhotos . net You 're not going to believe this … well , maybe you are . I didn 't at first , but now the notion is kind of growing on me . You see , I just found out that I 'm from another planet . Maybe even another star system . It 's a little hard to wrap my mind around the idea , but it would sure explain a lot . I had a reading with a psychic yesterday , and among other ( very accurate ) things , she told me that I was an old soul ( I 've always felt that ) , and that I was a " star seed . " I 'd never heard of a star seed . The psychic indicated that I had a lot of " homework " to do to get up to speed on all of this , so as soon as the reading was over , I ran right to my computer to research the whole matter . The Sirius Temple of Ascension website tells us that " Star Seeds are beings that have experienced life elsewhere in the Universe on other planets and in non - physical dimensions other than on Earth , " although they may have had previous life times on earth as well . Old soul star seeds are " Guardians of the earth " and have usually had " hundreds of life times on earth going back to the beginning of humanity " or even the beginning of earth . The life missions of old soul star seeds are " tied into the long term evolution of earth and humanity " and so they have incarnated on earth multiple times to fulfill relevant " projects . " Once the projects are completed , the old soul star seeds discontinue their cycles of lifetimes . The psychic indicated that my purpose was related to healing . She mentioned Reiki ( a form of hands on energy healing ) and I told her that I was , indeed , a Reiki practitioner . The conversation somehow got sidetracked there when she said that my cats didn 't want me to give them Reiki because they were evolved beyond that and so they just roll their eyes when I try it on them . I was so astounded at the idea of my cats rolling their eyes at me that I forgot to pursue the whole old soul star seed topic any further in our discussion . My subsequent rFriday Flashback : Elementary , My Dear Watson My weekly ( or thereabouts ) look back at a previous era in my life . From November 1 , 1991 : Elementary , My Dear WatsonI 'm always amazed at how even the simplest undertakings can explode into major incidents when children are involved . Take the other evening for example , when I dispensed some chewable vitamins to my two daughters . There ensued the usual debate of whether today 's pill should be a purple tiger , a pink elephant or an orange hippopotamus . And then came the ritual of smearing the wet vitamin all over their cheeks to create colorful splotches that looked like the onset of some exotic disease . So far so good . I 've come to expect and tolerate these proceedings . I had just managed to send both girls off , perfectly satisfied with the proper shade and species of vitamin , only to have two - year - old Emily come storming back into the kitchen , howling like a wild banshee . Her sister Madison was not far behind , bawling hysterically and insisting , " I didn 't do it ! I didn 't do it ! " Which of course immediately led me to believe that whatever " it " was , Madison must certainly have done it . I consoled Emily until her sobs lessened to a decibel that I hoped wouldn 't cause permanent hearing loss , and then I managed to decipher that she was telling me Madison had eaten her vitamin . " I didn 't ! " Madison repeated for the twentieth time in the last 30 seconds . " Emily ate it . " And then the hysterical crying recommenced , in stereo . Had I been smart , I would have simply given Emily another pill , resigning myself to the notion that whichever girl had received the double dose would just be twice as healthy that day . But that would have been too easy . Maybe I 've read too many crime novels lately , because my first instinct was to set Madison in a dark room with a bare light bulb aimed in her eyes , and rapid - fire questions at her until she cracked under the pressure and babbled out a full confession to the heinous crime of eating her sister 's vitamin . After all , honesty and truthfulness are important values My Father 's Legacy My dad , probably early 1940s . After a twelve year struggle with Alzheimer 's disease , my father passed away last month . He was 90 years old . In my mind , Dad had already left us years ago , and what remained with us was just a body stuck on this earthly plane , while I hoped his spirit was free elsewhere . In recent years , when people would ask how my dad was doing , they would often ask , " Does he even know who you are ? " The answer was no , he did not . But that was okay , really . The truly sad thing was that he didn 't even know who he was . Before he was moved to a nursing facility , Dad lived for forty - five years in a home he had built for his family , the house where I grew up . One day he was with my sister standing in his living room and he told her , " You know , I built a house just like this one . " It was difficult to realize that the man who had poured heart and soul into creating this beautiful home could not now even recognize his own handiwork . I grieved his loss over the years of his illness , and somehow had the notion that his passing would just be a formality . But with his death , there have been some shifts for me . Good ones . I now have the comfort of knowing that he truly is free . The Alzheimer 's disease no longer has any hold on any part of him . And I also now have had the opportunity to honor his life . At a memorial service this past weekend , friends and family gathered together to say goodbye to a man they remembered as honest , caring , generous , and full of enjoyment for life . When the opportunity came for sharing stories about my dad , his younger brother ( my uncle ) recalled the driving lessons that Dad gave him when they were young . Dad advised my uncle to drive fast so that if there was ever an accident , he would be far away from it by the time it happened . My brother recalled how , as a young boy , he noticed that Dad always politely stood up whenever a woman entered the room . He asked Dad why he did that , and Dad told him that a man should always rise when women enter a room because he never knoWarming Up to Winter Frost on the tree branches , but the heat pump is doing its job nicely . " While I relish our warm months , winter forms our character and brings out our best . " ~ Tom Allen I 'm all for forming character , but I have to say that our recent cold bout of winter weather has not brought out my best . Not that it 's super cold here in the Northwest , and not that I don 't have a roof over my head . It 's just that it 's been so bloody cold inside my house that my space and wall heaters couldn 't keep up . Spending the day in a 58 degree house is not conducive to productivity . All I 've wanted to do has been to sit on my couch near the space heater , curl up in a blanket and drink hot tea . Nice and cozy and all , but not good when you have to do it all day long just to stay thawed out . My house was built in the 1950s . I 'm not sure what the building codes were back then , but it doesn 't feel like there is much insulation in the walls , floor or ceiling at all . A few years ago a fast - talking salesperson pushed me into buying triple - paned windows for the front side of the house , but with the cold air seeping in all around the windows , I don 't know that they really had much effect on the temperature in the home . It 's like going out on a cold winter day wearing mittens and a bikini and thinking that the mittens will keep you warm . The good news : I got a heat pump installed on Friday ! It 's miraculous ! I set the thermostat to 70 degrees , and the house has heated up to - you guessed it - 70 degrees ! I can move about the house without feeling I must calculate the effect on the wind chill factor . I can bend my fingers enough to type . I can stop hugging my laptop to absorb what little heat it puts out . I can stop strapping the cat to my lap to force him to share body heat . I think I 'm in love . If Keats can write an ode to a Grecian urn , I don 't see why I can 't write one to a heat pump . I 'll work on that . In the meantime , I 've put the mittens away ( don 't worry , I wasn 't really wearing a bikini ) and I havePhysical Therapy Goals Jump rope ? Not yet . But dead lifts , here I come ! I had my first physical therapy appointment yesterday for the ankle I twisted back in October of last year . It 's been a long time coming . The wheels of the medical world seem to turn quite slowly . Actually I have been gradually improving and now the ankle mostly hurts only when I walk on it for a prolonged period of time ( like when I go grocery shopping ) , or when I first get out of bed in the morning , and at various and sundry other times based on the whims of the tendon and ligament gods . I felt a little self - conscious in filling out the physical therapy paperwork where it asked what my treatment goals were … what I wanted to be able to do once I recovered . I wrote that I wanted to be able to go hiking and to do CrossFit training . In a way , it reminded me of the joke about the patient who asks the doctor if he will be able to play violin once his hand heals from an injury . The doctor assures the patient that he will have a full recovery and will , indeed , be able to play violin . " That 's great ! " the patient replies , " because I could never play violin before . " The truth is I haven 't done any substantial hiking in a long time , and I was only scratching the surface of CrossFit before the injury occurred . But what I don 't want is to be told that I am recovering " well enough " and then have to scale down my aspirations according to some revised notion of what my physical capabilities should be post injury . The physical therapist gave me the green light on participating in CrossFit , with the exception of jumping exercises and with the caution to guard against sudden movements of my ankle . He wants to work with me some more before I set out on uneven terrain , but I don 't want to go hiking in the January / February soggy rains of the Pacific Northwest , anyway . So now I have to put my muscle where my mouth is and actually restart my CrossFit training . I 'm looking forward to it . I couldn 't ask for a better coach ( my daughter ) , and it will help me with Friday Flashback : Ladder Etiquette Looking back to my life twenty years ago . . . from July of 1992 : Ladder EtiquetteMy husband is always supportive of my artistic endeavors . When I expressed interest in renewing my painting efforts , for example , he promptly drove to the local supply store and bought paint for my hobby . Several gallons of paint , in fact . Exterior latex . And he purchased a 20 - foot extension ladder so I would be able to navigate the expansive " canvas " he supplied : the outer walls of our new home . Not exactly what I had in mind , but it 's the thought that counts , right ? At least , that 's what my husband says . So I 've been spending a lot of time lately hugging the rungs of my new ladder as I attempt to coerce the paint from my brush to land on the house siding and not on my arms . Rows of bruises at twelve inch intervals all the way up my body testify to the close relationship this ladder and I have formed . But even now , a week into the paint job ( I 'm a slow painter ) , I 'm learning new things about my metallic compatriot . Yesterday I extended the ladder fully for the first time since we 've owned it so I could paint the eaves at the peak of the roof line . I usually don 't have a problem with heights , but the higher I climbed , the more the ladder shimmied and swayed , and the more I began to ponder the likelihood of falling . I could easily imagine my head implanted in the sand like those cartoon caricatures of ostriches . I persevered to the top and began painting the eaves , when I was joined by a curious bee . I suppose it didn 't help any that my shirt was bright red , and my paintbrush handle a bright yellow . Whatever the attraction , it wasn 't mutual , but there wasn 't a whole lot I could do while clinging to a thin rung 20 feet in the air . Fortunately I have no great fear of bees , so I simply cussed at it and made references to the nature of its mother 's footwear until it finally retreated , buzzing indignantly . Now spiders are another story . And when the largest daddy longlegs I 've seen in my life materialized on the walQuote of the Week : Making a Future " This is what you do . You make a future for yourself out of the raw material at hand . " ~ Michael Cunningham , A Home at the End of the World 0 Comments Despite the great progress I 've made with overcoming my depression , I still have down days when everything takes on a lackluster tone and it feels like a hundred pound weight has settled upon my shoulders . And when a down day turns into two or three or four down days , I begin to fear that I 've started on a slide backwards into the hell hole of despondency from which I worked so hard to escape . I 've recently been going through such a period and so my therapist challenged me to come up with suggestions I would make to someone else if they were facing this . We 're often advised to practice what we preach ; it seems I 'm being asked to preach what I should be practicing . Hmmm . So here goes : five things to consider when you feel like you 're going under . 1 . ) Look at how far you 've come . It 's so easy to begin to take things for granted - in all aspects of our lives . We learn to crawl before we learn to walk . Once we 've learned to walk ( think figuratively here ) , we forget that previously we could only crawl . A fluctuation in our moods may not seem so scary if we can look back to where we used to be and note the progress we have made . 2 . ) You 're not back to " square one . " When we put a lot of work into accomplishing something , we are gaining more than just the immediate consequences of our efforts . We learn skills along the way that will make future efforts easier . If we trip a time or two , it doesn 't mean we 've forgotten how to walk . We 've gained the wherewithal to pick ourselves back up and keep going . 3 . ) Are you walking the walk ? ( I 'm not intentionally trying to beat an analogy to death here . . . I 'm just " walking " us through these points . ) Are you using the tools you 've been given to keep yourself stable ? I 'm talking about the " basics " that I 've been outlining in previous posts . Are you getting enough sleep , eating properly , taking prescribed medications , connecting with other people . . . all these practices factor into how we feel mentally and emotionally , and it 's easy to let t << Previous About me and this blog : Having suffered at the hands of my own negativity for far too long , I decided it was time to claim the positive energy that is available to each of us for our own benefit and for the benefit of others . Hence , I 've begun the process of " lifting the weight " of depression from my soul and moving into a lighter , freer space . Please join me in finding a way to a more balanced , affirming life . Subscribe
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